# On Line Dating Pet Peeves



## BlueWoman

I thought I needed a thread to vent my frustrations about OLD.

Please feel free to add yours.

1. People who complain about their OLD Peeves on their profile.

2. People who don't put anything in their profile and say "if you want to know, just ask." 

3. People who message me with just "hi." 

4. People who start a conversation, but don't ask any questions.


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## SARAHMCD

Agree with all of yours. 
Will add those that Include pictures of themselves with a hat and sunglasses, or worse, pictures of the fish they caught (I'm in the south)- and I mean just the fish! Is this supposed to show that they can provide food for me?


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## BlueWoman

LOL! Oh my goodness! Just the fish?! That would make me nuts.


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## Shoto1984

I hate #2. I get that doing a profile is a pain but SOMETHING.

On the fish...yes, it's like when your cat presents you with a dead lizard or mouse. 

How about when they post a pic of a group of people and you can't tell which of the group they are...

The age preference thing also makes me laugh sometimes. Many are only interested in someone younger than they are to much younger than they are.


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## SARAHMCD

BlueWoman said:


> LOL! Oh my goodness! Just the fish?! That would make me nuts.


Yes and this is surprisingly common - I'd say one in 10. Yikes. 

I also highly agree with the ones who say "hi" or "hey". I've actually responded with a "hi" back where I've found them a bit cute or interesting in their profile. Then they follow with "how are you?". "Great you?". And then nothing. Really, they have nothing to say after you've nibbled on the bait- pun intended?

Or, I've followed up with asking them questions about something specific in their profile. They answer the question and then have no questions back. Then a couple of days later I'll get a "?" like they can't understand what happened to me. 

Maybe they should hold classes in online profiling and communication.


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## Chuck71

Thank you BW for starting this.......

1-Women in pic holding a cigarette (yes I am in the South but this is not 1975)

2-I want a man with a good "since of humor" (hitting head on desk)

3-Breast shots up close.... If she has to show boobs that leaves nothing for my imagination and nothing worth knowing "upstairs"

4-"If you send me sexual innuendos I WILL BLOCK YOUR A$$ IN A HEARTBEAT.... good but do I have read your anger dump?

5-Those who say be creative with opening line, not -hi-, -how are you- or -hey there-. I agree but when women email me first.... they use one of those listed above 67% of the time :scratchhead:

6-Where it says occupation.... they put "I work" WOW... secret? Don't tell me you work for the Secret Service and just can't say.... 

7-Those under the age of 50 who say retired ...... 98% of time they are on disability.

8-Those who say they are social drinkers..... and can down a 12 pack.... I enjoy a drink with a female but.... a 12 pack.... nah

9-Those who like hunting, mudding, tractor pulls.... I skip those but.... if I ever meet one.... I will check for adam's apple 

10-I have three kids and seven grand children whom I love to watch all the time. Great!!! Why are you doing OLD ... ?

I'm a guy from the South.... near Chattanooga..... some of what I listed is pure culture from my area.


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## arbitrator

* Obviously old photos and "selfies."

Pictures wearing lingerie with breast or crotch/upper leg shots!

The shallow ones who seem to put money demands on what it is that a potential partner should be earning or what their actual net worth should be.

Also, those who clearly cannot express themselves in written form!*


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## Rowan

Chuck71 said:


> 3-Breast shots up close....


I've had more than one gentleman mention that they appreciated that I didn't have any top-down close up cleavage shots in my profile. I can't imagine doing that, but apparently it's pretty common. smh



Chuck71 said:


> 9-Those who like hunting...


Hey, now! Don't hate....


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## Rowan

My peeves are:
- poor grammar and spelling
- group pictures where you can't tell which one is the guy in the profile
- the guy's wearing a hat in every single picture 
- there's an alcoholic beverage in his hand in every picture
- shirtless pics, gym pics, body-builder pics
- listing everything they don't want in a partner in their profile, it just comes across as so negative and critical
- guys who send unsolicited shots of their junk :slap:


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## Chuck71

Or women with their kids in the pic......describing it by giving both their names....the kid is wearing a school shirt. A pedophile's playground :wtf:


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## BlueWoman

I must be doing something wrong, because I have yet to get a picture of someones junk. (I am not complaining.)


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## BlueWoman

Selfies in the mirror with scowl. 

I see a lot of those.


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## Jane139

Lol I have not had any dirty pics sent to me. But some of the profile names alone...eek. Are women really looking for those guys, the ones with penis in their names? 

I have actually had some polite messages, but mostly from men thousands of miles away, lol. Not sure what I am supposed to do with those ones. But to be honest I am not convinced I really want to meet anyone in actual person yet...so I put "for possible friendship" in my profile. 

I really can't handle poor grammar and spelling. Use spellcheck, good grief. And post a picture, it is only fair. One with your shirt on, please, and yes, not holding a big fish. Just a grown-up head shot is fine. s long as it is you, lol.


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## gouge_away

Selfies and you can clearly see, by the background, that they don't clean up after themselves.


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## SamuraiJack

BlueWoman said:


> I must be doing something wrong, because I have yet to get a picture of someones junk. (I am not complaining.)



Oh we can correct that for you...Check out my Junk!


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## Rowan

BlueWoman said:


> I must be doing something wrong, because I have yet to get a picture of someones junk. (I am not complaining.)


I'm very close to 3 universities and 3 military bases. I think there's just lots of alcohol-fueled testosterone combined with boredom going on. I've received 3 such "messages" from random men. Two were initial emails. I suspect those were likely guys doing it on a dare or as a bet, etc. The third was the 4th or 5th email from a guy who'd, up to that point, seemed fairly normal.


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## SamuraiJack

"my children come first. They are the center of my world."
Translation: I'm not really ready to date but Im using my kids as an excuse.

"No players."
Translation: I'm gullible.

"I'm drama free"
Translation: I have more drama than TNT.

I have had FAR too many phone dates where the women have told me they are naked towards the end.

"I just got a new tatoo!"
Translation: Im just looking for an excuse to get my clothes off with you.

...and the list goes on and on...


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## Satya

My biggest peeve was... 


Fishing pictures.



Every freaking profile.


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## SamuraiJack

Satya said:


> My biggest peeve was...
> 
> 
> Fishing pictures.
> 
> 
> 
> Every freaking profile.


Sometimes I think men take the "Plenty of Fish" thing a little too seriously.


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## samyeagar

Chuck71 said:


> Thank you BW for starting this.......
> 
> 1-Women in pic holding a cigarette (yes I am in the South but this is not 1975)
> 
> 2-I want a man with a good "since of humor" (hitting head on desk)
> 
> *3-Breast shots up close....* If she has to show boobs that leaves nothing for my imagination and nothing worth knowing "upstairs"
> 
> 4-"If you send me sexual innuendos I WILL BLOCK YOUR A$$ IN A HEARTBEAT.... good but do I have read your anger dump?
> 
> 5-Those who say be creative with opening line, not -hi-, -how are you- or -hey there-. I agree but when women email me first.... they use one of those listed above 67% of the time :scratchhead:
> 
> 6-Where it says occupation.... they put "I work" WOW... secret? Don't tell me you work for the Secret Service and just can't say....
> 
> 7-Those under the age of 50 who say retired ...... 98% of time they are on disability.
> 
> 8-Those who say they are social drinkers..... and can down a 12 pack.... I enjoy a drink with a female but.... a 12 pack.... nah
> 
> 9-Those who like hunting, mudding, tractor pulls.... I skip those but.... if I ever meet one.... I will check for adam's apple
> 
> 10-I have three kids and seven grand children whom I love to watch all the time. Great!!! Why are you doing OLD ... ?
> 
> I'm a guy from the South.... near Chattanooga..... some of what I listed is pure culture from my area.


Never seen a profile pic with three breasts...up close, or otherwise


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## Wolf1974

Samurai covered the basics. Will add

Specific money income requirements

Pictures of dogs, cats, kids, some scenery all without the person your tryin to get interested in. Or every picture with her and all of her friends.

Any reference to being friends first

Beyond that flaky types who just stop texting out of the blue or don't show up for dates. Lame...


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## SamuraiJack

Wolf1974 said:


> Samurai covered the basics. Will add
> 
> Specific money income requirements
> 
> Pictures of dogs, cats, kids, some scenery all without the person your tryin to get interested in. Or every picture with her and all of her friends.
> 
> Any reference to being friends first
> 
> Beyond that flaky types who just stop texting out of the blue or don't show up for dates. Lame...


Better yet...flaky types who get upset that you glanced at their profile and get upset that you passed on them...Beware....


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## EnjoliWoman

All of these are so good - not sure that I have anything new to add but here are a few:

- all scowling selfies. Are they going for the tough guy look? They look mean, mad, or just plain unhappy. Are they toothless? WTF? I pass right on if there isn't at least ONE where he's smiling and I can see the teeth.

- average looking guys (i.e. a gut and no muscle definition) who are looking for women who are only 'slender' or 'athletic'. I never respond to anyone who doesn't have 'average' regardless of his looks or how compatible I think we'd be if he'd just give me a shot. 

- bad grammar and 'just ask' and other minimal effort in their profile along with one bathroom selfie with a shower-curtain background. Tells me just how much effort they will put into a relationship.

- same minimal effort in communication- the 'hi' followed by the 'how are u' reply and then nothing? Do I have to carry ALL of the weight of communication?? If a brief email conversation is too much effort, forget it.

- the 'no drama' guys. Most of the time if there's an ex, there is SOME drama and frankly with an NPD ex, there will be drama. How I handle it is more telling than whether there is any drama because I shut that crap DOWN. I am the queen of not engaging.

- Kids and God coming first and mentioning they are a Christian. I assume kids come first when necessary. Mentioning it only makes me feel like they will ALWAYS come first and that they will rule the relationship. And as an agnostic, the God thing is pretty self explanatory. I've dated many Christians and I'm perfectly happy to observe holidays, go to church a few times a year, be supportive and not critical of ANYONE's beliefs and hush around relatives. Religion/lack of are both very personal IMO. But if they wear their religion on their sleeve we just won't get along.

- no photo. If you have no photo you had better say why in your profile (work for government or law enforcement or high profile job) and that you will send a face shot on request. I assume no photo either means you are fugly or married/have something to hide.

- emails/winks/being marked as favorite by guys a) 10+ years younger or 15+ years older; b) 50+ miles away (without saying you are moving)


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## SamuraiJack

The desperate one...

HER 10:05 - Wink
HER 10:10- Arent you going to wink back?
HER 10:15 - Jee, must be nice being tso great you dont have to wink back...
HER 10:21 - Your a jerk. I bet you look at yourself in the mirror all the time.
HER 10:23 - Stuck up D1ck!
HER 10:30 - You know if you would just reply to some of thr women who reach out to you, you might find some great gal like me!!!!

HER 10:35- I am a beautiful , feminine, Flower, God &*^%^*^% Dammit!!!!!

HER 10:39- Dont ever reach otu to me again!!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!!!!! I'm Blocking you!!! SONOFA*****!!!

ME back on- 10:41- Sorry I was helping my child get to sleep. ...O...I see...

Sometimes you just have to laugh


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## Jane139

EnjoliWoman said:


> All of these are so good - not sure that I have anything new to add but here are a few:
> 
> - all scowling selfies. Are they going for the tough guy look? They look mean, mad, or just plain unhappy. Are they toothless? WTF? I pass right on if there isn't at least ONE where he's smiling and I can see the teeth.
> 
> - average looking guys (i.e. a gut and no muscle definition) who are looking for women who are only 'slender' or 'athletic'. I never respond to anyone who doesn't have 'average' regardless of his looks or how compatible I think we'd be if he'd just give me a shot.
> 
> - bad grammar and 'just ask' and other minimal effort in their profile along with one bathroom selfie with a shower-curtain background. Tells me just how much effort they will put into a relationship.
> 
> - same minimal effort in communication- the 'hi' followed by the 'how are u' reply and then nothing? Do I have to carry ALL of the weight of communication?? If a brief email conversation is too much effort, forget it.
> 
> - the 'no drama' guys. Most of the time if there's an ex, there is SOME drama and frankly with an NPD ex, there will be drama. How I handle it is more telling than whether there is any drama because I shut that crap DOWN. I am the queen of not engaging.
> 
> - Kids and God coming first and mentioning they are a Christian. I assume kids come first when necessary. Mentioning it only makes me feel like they will ALWAYS come first and that they will rule the relationship. And as an agnostic, the God thing is pretty self explanatory. I've dated many Christians and I'm perfectly happy to observe holidays, go to church a few times a year, be supportive and not critical of ANYONE's beliefs and hush around relatives. Religion/lack of are both very personal IMO. But if they wear their religion on their sleeve we just won't get along.
> 
> - no photo. If you have no photo you had better say why in your profile (work for government or law enforcement or high profile job) and that you will send a face shot on request. I assume no photo either means you are fugly or married/have something to hide.
> 
> - emails/winks/being marked as favorite by guys a) 10+ years younger or 15+ years older; b) 50+ miles away (without saying you are moving)


Yeah, I click away from the ones listing "God" as the main thing they can't do without...especially since mine tend to be things like coffee, pets and Beatles...religion kinda scares me. I know most men my age will have kids (I don't) but pics with the kids turn me off, also as mentioned, shirtless pics, gym pics, fish pics and no pics.


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## Rowan

I had one "match", a man of around 50, whose profile pictures included a clearly professionally produced photograph of a smokin' hot 20-something blonde young man. The young man had his shirt open, low-slung blue jeans, bare feet, sleepy eyes, slightly mussed hair, and very well defined musculature. 

Luckily, it was captioned as being one of the profile owner's oldest son's modeling photos. As opposed to my first thought, which was along the lines of, _"Wait, is this guy looking for ladies or young men?"_ But I was still just gobsmacked by that. 

I mean, sure the kid's hot - appallingly so, actually. But is that really what you want the women you will be dating to be thinking? _"Wow, you're son's super hot!"_ Seriously? That's what you're going for? Do you really want to invite either comparison to your own 50-year old Dad-bod physique, or sexual interest in your grown son? I was just completely flummoxed by it. :scratchhead:


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## gouge_away

Rowan said:


> I had one "match", a man of around 50, whose profile pictures included a clearly professionally produced photograph of a smokin' hot 20-something blonde young man. The young man had his shirt open, low-slung blue jeans, bare feet, sleepy eyes, slightly mussed hair, and very well defined musculature.
> 
> Luckily, it was captioned as being one of the profile owner's oldest son's modeling photos. As opposed to my first thought, which was along the lines of, _"Wait, is this guy looking for ladies or young men?"_ But I was still just gobsmacked by that.
> 
> I mean, sure the kid's hot - appallingly so, actually. But is that really what you want the women you will be dating to be thinking? _"Wow, you're son's super hot!"_ Seriously? That's what you're going for? Do you really want to invite either comparison to your own 50-year old Dad-bod physique, or sexual interest in your grown son? I was just completely flummoxed by it. :scratchhead:


Living vicariously through the accomplishments of your offspring.

Classic low self esteem issues masked as pride.


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## gouge_away

EnjoliWoman said:


> - Kids and God coming first and mentioning they are a Christian. I assume kids come first when necessary. Mentioning it only makes me feel like they will ALWAYS come first and that they will rule the relationship.


Some people are looking specifically for Christians, or at the very least, somebody that is accepting and supportive of their faith.

I have dated a few girls that don't understand kids come with responsibility, some even have children themselves. When you get a text at 11pm because she/he wants you to meet them out for some bar hopping and they just don't understand why at 11pm its not worth calling around for a sitter. 
"Why can't you just try?" 

"Because by the time I find somebody who isn't busy or asleep, the night will be over..." 

"but you won't even try, thanks for wasting my time!"


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## Jane139

I just got a "hiiii" from India...and another message from an Australian, who wants me to call hm...

I am in New Mexico.

Both very useful with great potential...lol


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## Jane139

gouge_away said:


> Some people are looking specifically for Christians, or at the very least, somebody that is accepting and supportive of their faith.
> 
> I have dated a few girls that don't understand kids come with responsibility, some even have children themselves. When you get a text at 11pm because she/he wants you to meet them out for some bar hopping and they just don't understand why at 11pm its not worth calling around for a sitter.
> "Why can't you just try?"
> 
> "Because by the time I find somebody who isn't busy or asleep, the night will be over..."
> 
> "but you won't even try, thanks for wasting my time!"



If God is truly number one, Christian Mingle might be the place...


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## Healer

"I love to laugh" or "I love to have fun". Wow, really? Not me. I HATE laughing. And fun? Pffft! I much prefer to be utterly miserable and have an awful time. 

Sadly, 9 out of 10 profiles I read contain one or the other, or both.


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## honcho

I have barely dabbled into the online dating world. What I have seen so far on every profile.

Im looking for my soulmate and knight is shining armor....
Im looking for happiness....
I love to travel.....
I wanna be swept off my feet.....
I just got out of a long term abusive relationship....

My other favorites have been people who write an entire book about how miserable the world has treated them and how everything has been so unfair.

One of these sites sends you "recommendations" on perfect matches. I received two matches

One was a woman I fired and one was my brothers ex-wife. I don't think I hold out much hope for online dating.


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## SecondTime'Round

honcho said:


> I have barely dabbled into the online dating world. What I have seen so far on every profile.
> 
> Im looking for my soulmate and knight is shining armor....
> Im looking for happiness....
> I love to travel.....
> I wanna be swept off my feet.....
> I just got out of a long term abusive relationship....
> 
> My other favorites have been people who write an entire book about how miserable the world has treated them and how everything has been so unfair.
> 
> One of these sites sends you "recommendations" on perfect matches. I received two matches
> 
> One was a woman I fired and one was my brothers ex-wife. I don't think I hold out much hope for online dating.


Too funny! On the very first night I signed up for Match (a few years ago), one of my 7 matches was the roommate of one of my college boyfriends! We emailed for a very long time about divorce, life, etc. and went on one date. Kept in touch for a while after that but it fizzled out. Neither one of us wanted to date the other, but it was good to catch up .


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## BlueWoman

I don't mind them mentioning their religion or that they are Christian...because then I know we are not compatible. Save us both time. 

But that brings me to another pet peeve...not reading my profile. 

I have a statement on all my profiles that say I don't want anyone who gets their news from fox. 

Some people who aren't political woudn't pay much attention to that...and that's fine. 

But I actually had a guy contact me, who mentions in his profile that he supports and is active in the tea party. I actually have to point out to him that there was no way we would be compatible.


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## Chuck71

I have never done multiple replies before. If it is messed up, don't shoot me



samyeagar said:


> Never seen a profile pic with three breasts...up close, or otherwise


After a fifth of JD.... I once saw a female who had four breasts! 



Wolf1974 said:


> A-Specific money income requirements
> 
> B-Pictures of dogs, cats, kids, some scenery all without the person your tryin to get interested in. Or every picture with her and all of her friends.
> 
> C-Any reference to being friends first
> 
> D-Beyond that flaky types who just stop texting out of the blue or don't show up for dates. Lame...


A-If I feel like I need to bring a W-2 on a first date.... time to re-assess 

B-I see many older women (38 and up), never married and no children have majority (at least 7 pics to be counted) of pics with dogs or cats. My XW had attachment disorder with animals. Yes... I pass them up.

My NYE date for 2014.... great date, went to her place to watch ball drop. She had four birds, she said she treats them like humans. As far as I was concerned, the date was over then.

C-Two outcomes.... text pals or you will be "spending the night" on first date....if you even leave the apartment for a first date.

D-After a week... if they do not want to move to phone or FB back chat, I will give them my FB handle and leave it at that. Rarely happens though. My FB is set to lowest possible privacy. All I post is music, quotes, and sports related stuff. I don't air my dirty laundry for the world to see.

Standing me up..... very rare but happened with one this year. Luckily we live very close, we were meeting at restaurant maybe two miles from my place. 1st date was no show. I do not message them after this. If they do not me, apologizing... far as I am concerned... don't bother me again. I will accept a no-show with good excuse (was her kids). No one is perfect. A second no-show..... forget it. Even made 2nd meeting while her kids were in school. She must have been too busy to date



EnjoliWoman said:


> A - bad grammar and 'just ask' and other minimal effort in their profile along with one bathroom selfie with a shower-curtain background. Tells me just how much effort they will put into a relationship.
> 
> B- same minimal effort in communication- the 'hi' followed by the 'how are u' reply and then nothing? Do I have to carry ALL of the weight of communication?? If a brief email conversation is too much effort, forget it.
> 
> C- Kids and God coming first and mentioning they are a Christian. I assume kids come first when necessary. Mentioning it only makes me feel like they will ALWAYS come first and that they will rule the relationship. And as an agnostic, the God thing is pretty self explanatory. I've dated many Christians and I'm perfectly happy to observe holidays, go to church a few times a year, be supportive and not critical of ANYONE's beliefs and hush around relatives. Religion/lack of are both very personal IMO. But if they wear their religion on their sleeve we just won't get along.
> 
> D- no photo. If you have no photo you had better say why in your profile (work for government or law enforcement or high profile job) and that you will send a face shot on request. I assume no photo either means you are fugly or married/have something to hide.
> 
> E- emails/winks/being marked as favorite by guys a) 10+ years younger or 15+ years older; b) 50+ miles away (without saying you are moving)


A-Aren't selfies more a "female" thing anyway? I have never done one in my life. Maybe it's just me but.... it is not a "guy thing" to do. WTBS.... it is a bit nauseating to see a female with 14 pics and more than half (if not every one) are selfies. I have three pics up but each one is a full body shot.

B-My first five-six questions are very open-ended. If the female is interested... she can take any of the questions in any direction. When I ask something like -You mentioned you enjoy reading. What type of books do you enjoy- and do not get a response back (this is usually not initial contact), I will not follow up. Most sites have a sent box and if it shows you sent it, no use asking them if they received it. In my case, I surmise some females like to see their inbox full, maybe it gives them a sense of well-being.

C-I already touched on the kids deal in Wolf's current thread. I am quick to tell a female I am a firm believer in God but have a great deal of disdain for "organized religion." There is nothing wrong with a female that likes to go to church but if their pics are of them being baptized, their profile is church-centered (they go every time the doors are open), or if the stage one chat (first week) steers toward a religious debate...... I'm done! I have my religious beliefs... I am in my 40s. Don't try to change my views.
Oh.... if the profile has -I want us to walk hand-and-hand as we spread the Word to all the unsaved sinners- I run so fast I leave skid marks.

D-On Match.... a pay site, 10% of the females have no pic. WTF? They usually have a seven paragraph profile.... again WTF? I asked one why no pic. -I chose not to- I said... Ok... I respect that. Two days late she asked why I had not emailed her anymore..... -I chose not to- 

E-The winks, emails, marked as favorite by females.... from NYC, CA, or some obscure town in Alabama (I'm a huge geography buff and these cities I have never heard of), who all have one pic, age range seeking 29-60,they are usually 25-29, very attractive, but scripted approach -what is the name you go by-.... after I learned the scam I say Lord Chuck IV. Then I ask are you currently in (city they claim to).... they're in Ghana. If I'm bored I ask them what the capital is, what time is it there, or something dealing with days of imperialism..... make 'em work for their "scam".... or I just say -when you're back in the States, look me up-


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## arbitrator

T


SamuraiJack said:


> BlueWoman said:
> 
> 
> 
> I must be doing something wrong, because I have yet to get a picture of someones junk. (I am not complaining.)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh we can correct that for you...Check out my Junk!
Click to expand...

* My God in Heaven! That makes the TV series "Hoarders" look like an absolute picnic!*


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## SamuraiJack

arbitrator said:


> T
> 
> * My God in Heaven! That makes the TV series "Hoarders" look like an absolute picnic!*


You DO realize thats a random picture of "Junk" from the bing search engine?


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## SamuraiJack

honcho said:


> I have barely dabbled into the online dating world. What I have seen so far on every profile.
> 
> Im looking for my soulmate and knight is shining armor....
> Im looking for happiness....
> I love to travel.....
> I wanna be swept off my feet.....
> I just got out of a long term abusive relationship....
> 
> My other favorites have been people who write an entire book about how miserable the world has treated them and how everything has been so unfair.
> 
> One of these sites sends you "recommendations" on perfect matches. I received two matches
> 
> One was a woman I fired and one was my brothers ex-wife. I don't think I hold out much hope for online dating.


I signed up for four different places and EVERY one of them matched me with my ex wife.

Sigh.


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## EnjoliWoman

Chuck71 said:


> A-Aren't selfies more a "female" thing anyway? I have never done one in my life. Maybe it's just me but.... it is not a "guy thing" to do. WTBS.... it is a bit nauseating to see a female with 14 pics and more than half (if not every one) are selfies. I have three pics up but each one is a full body shot.


Hm. It's good to get a male perspective because I don't see it like that. Guys take photos of themselves in a mirror. Girls take selfies with the arm extended and the camera lens facing themselves. I see a lot of bathroom mirror selfies or the blue light of a PC Cam in a dim room (creepy).

As a single mother of one, I just don't get my photo taken. When I was married there were a lot more photos of me than now - there just isn't anyone else around to take the photo. I'm the one snapping pics of my daughter, scenery, pets, etc. 

When I'm out with friends we don't take a lot of photos - the younger girls seem to a lot, but not the 40+ crowd. We just didn't grow up in a time when photos were taken at every event - back when you had to pay for developing! 

So I can see how it would be concerning that she might be vain by always taking her own photo like the young girls do, but in my case there just aren't a lot of photos out there of me. MAYBE once a year, often on Halloween or at Christmas with family opening presents is really about it. 

As to the foreign women/fake profiles, either men don't do that or I weed out the fakes quickly. That's interesting. I guess men have to look out for the crazy cat lady or the ones rushing to commitment and women have to watch out for the players or the little boys playing the part of a man.


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## Chuck71

I would agree EW... the guys I run with are my age to around 50. Most of the pics taken are either in group form or not when you look your best. Partying at the lake makes us resemble the Hangover crew.... not exactly fitting for an OLD profile.

I don't follow why guys a generation younger than me want to pull a James Dean stare, cigarette hanging from mouth, shirtless pic from the bathroom mirror. No way in he!! would I do that.

The guys and I take crazy, stupid pics all the time of one or more of us being an idiot but we keep those.... in house. Just seems to me modesty gets you further than trying to be a Billy Bad A$$. 

Guess it is an age thing..... to me a female with 80% selfies leads me to think they don't want a guy to date, they just need a mirror.


----------



## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> I signed up for four different places and EVERY one of them matched me with my ex wife.
> 
> Sigh.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I see why you make your own whiskey


----------



## SamuraiJack

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I see why you make your own whiskey


I cant make it fast enough so I went commercial...:rofl:


----------



## Rowan

Like EW, I see a lot of bathroom mirror selfies from guys. I mean, a *lot *of them. My favorite is when a guy has 10 pictures posted to his profile, and 8 of them are clearly selfies taken one after another in the same 30-second span, usually in the bathroom mirror or with the webcam on his office computer. 

Many men also have photos where they've obviously cropped (most of) a woman out of the picture. There's often some stray hair or a bit of an arm or some clothing visible, and the pic is often way off-center because he didn't really know how to edit the photo correctly. 

I guess most people in my age range are like me, in that no one's taking our picture all that often. My girlfriends and I aren't young enough to be snapping pics every other second when we're out. And I've been a mother for 15 years, so I've been the one taking the pictures for that long. My ex-husband certainly never took any pictures, either of me or with me. There just isn't much of a photographic record of my life. Which is why I had a friend take decent pictures of me for use in my online dating profiles.


----------



## Jane139

I took my own pic for the first time, to use as a profile picture. It came out surprisingly well, considering. It is the only picture I have of myself that is even remotely recent, as I have a kind of photo-phobia. Made sure I was not in the bathroom, lol. Somehow my smile looks natural. But I have only the one for my profile, no full-length shot. No one has mentioned it.

Are many of you paying to use sites, and if so, which ones? I am just on two free versions, can only get messages. On "Our Time" the one for 50+, you can't even see a message without signing up for pay service.


----------



## bkyln309

I hate pictures of myself and I am not into photography or selfies. I have two pictures on my profile (one full length and one close up). Other than that if they want to know what I look like, they can meet me. I dont like to delay a meet. I just want to meet and see if there is chemistry if not next. No sense in playing around with chatting for a month. I dont get that at all.

I am one of those whose first in the list is God. The reason is I do go to church regularly and volunteer. Faith is a big component of my life so again no sense in wasting time with someone who cant deal with my faith. You dont have to believe the same way I do but you have to be able to deal with the fact I give my time to it.

Politics for me is not a dealbreaker. However I dated one guy who couldnt deal with me being a conservative Libertarian. It drove him nuts while I thought it made us interesting. Oh well.


----------



## Rowan

Jane139 said:


> Are many of you paying to use sites, and if so, which ones? I am just on two free versions, can only get messages. On "Our Time" the one for 50+, you can't even see a message without signing up for pay service.


I'm on eHarmony and on Match, both paid. You can usually find a "free communications weekend" every few months or so, if you want to try out a paid site without actually paying. 

I don't know your specific age, but there are plenty of 50-something guys on both sites.


----------



## bkyln309

Im on two free sites and one paid (Match). I dont like Match at all and they have the same men as on the free sites.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

- I hate group pictures where the guy doesnt point out which one is him! 

- "I love to laugh"...DUH!

- "Looking for my partner in crime"...what does that even mean??

- Pics of scenery, their car, motorcycle, or just the dog...pointless. I dont mind a pic of them WITH their dog, car, etc, but posting them on their own is wasted space. The only exception.. if they actually BUILT that thing they are posting, and STATE THAT. 

- Pics of themselves with animals they have killed...NO. Just...NO. 

- Idle, pointless chit chat that goes on for weeks...stop wasting my time. 

- Sexual suggestions or obvious flirting...to me these are things you do once you KNOW someone, not in the getting-to-know-you phase. (flirting is ok when you meet a new person face to face...online, for me its a no)


----------



## Jane139

Yes, I have noticed same men on the two free sites I am on, the Cupid one and Mingle-something.

Also...politics...I'd almost rather they announce it if they feel strongly, so I can avoid them easily. To each his own, but I could not see myself willingly spending time with someone with wildly conservative views. At least not as any sort of relationship possibility. 

I can't see the point of not being upfront and honest about everything, from looks to opinions, preferences, etc...it's not like the other person won't notice if/when you meet.


----------



## Married but Happy

"I can dress up or dress down." Oh good, you've learned how to dress yourself. Can you feed yourself, too?

"Live, laugh, love." How original. I might respond out of curiosity if you'd said "Die, frown, hate." At least that would be interesting, if dark.

"I'm a God fearing woman." Did you have a bad experience? I'm not religious, but God-loving would be more positive.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jane139 said:


> Yes, I have noticed same men on the two free sites I am on, the Cupid one and Mingle-something.
> 
> Also...politics...I'd almost rather they announce it if they feel strongly, so I can avoid them easily. To each his own, but I could not see myself willingly spending time with someone with wildly conservative views. At least not as any sort of relationship possibility.
> 
> I can't see the point of not being upfront and honest about everything, from looks to opinions, preferences, etc...it's not like the other person won't notice if/when you meet.


Ah yes, I forgot about politics! I hate hate HATE politics! I dont like to even THINK about politics, let alone listen to or argue with someone else over it! Tell me where you stand on things, then we can be done with it forever!


----------



## WasDecimated

OK...here goes...

- Poor grammar and spelling

- Vague descriptions with no real thought or effort put into them. Profiles with no indication of who they really are or what they are looking for. Also, misleading or exaggerated profiles.

- “I love to laugh and have fun” Really...who doesn't?
- “I’m looking for my soul-mate” Really...is he riding a Unicorn?
- "I love boating!" Do you have a boat or are you just looking for a guy with a boat?

- Two women in every picture…which one are you?
- Sunglasses in every picture
- Pictures of your children. Please leave them out of this. There are some creeps out there!
- All profile pictures are of the woman partying, at bars or clubs, with a drink in her hand
- Grainy/blurry or pictures taken from 300’ away. This is 2015, phone cameras work pretty well now and they do close ups.
- No photos at all, and they expect you to reply to their messages?
- Photoshopped/retouched/filtered images
- Pictures of dogs, cats, sunsets, beaches, plants, flowers…anything except you.
- Pictures that are must be 10 years old…or older because when you meet them, you don’t even recognize them.
- Women that show up weighing 100 lbs more, yes 100 lbs more than their misleading photos or description would indicate. Discriptions like “Athletic and toned” or “About average” does not include Obese. Sooner or later you are going to have to meet the other person…they’re going to notice!

- Women that lie about their age

- Women that wink, Favorite, or like you. Then you send them a nice message and you get back crickets…chirp, chirp!

- Serial daters using OLD to fill up their extra time and get free dinners and drinks with no real intention or desire for a relationship or the opposite, women who date like crazy but are always looking for the next best thing. Also, women using OLD as an ego boost…extra attention.

- Women that are on OLD but never seem to have any time to actually date.

…and that’s just for starters. As you can tell, I’m not a huge fan of OLD.


----------



## Chuck71

Decimated said:


> OK...here goes...
> 
> - Poor grammar and spelling
> 
> - Vague descriptions with no real thought or effort put into them. Profiles with no indication of who they really are or what they are looking for. Also, misleading or exaggerated profiles.
> 
> - “I love to laugh and have fun” Really...who doesn't?
> - “I’m looking for my soul-mate” Really...is he riding a Unicorn?
> - "I love boating!" Do you have a boat or are you just looking for a guy with a boat?
> 
> - Two women in every picture…which one are you?
> - Sunglasses in every picture
> - Pictures of your children. Please leave them out of this. There are some creeps out there!
> - All profile pictures are of the woman partying, at bars or clubs, with a drink in her hand
> - Grainy/blurry or pictures taken from 300’ away. This is 2015, phone cameras work pretty well now and they do close ups.
> - No photos at all, and they expect you to reply to their messages?
> - Photoshopped/retouched/filtered images
> - Pictures of dogs, cats, sunsets, beaches, plants, flowers…anything except you.
> - Pictures that are must be 10 years old…or older because when you meet them, you don’t even recognize them.
> - Women that show up weighing 100 lbs more, yes 100 lbs more than their misleading photos or description would indicate. Discriptions like “Athletic and toned” or “About average” does not include Obese. Sooner or later you are going to have to meet the other person…they’re going to notice!
> 
> - Women that lie about their age
> 
> - Women that wink, Favorite, or like you. Then you send them a nice message and you get back crickets…chirp, chirp!
> 
> - Serial daters using OLD to fill up their extra time and get free dinners and drinks with no real intention or desire for a relationship or the opposite, women who date like crazy but are always looking for the next best thing. Also, women using OLD as an ego boost…extra attention.
> 
> - Women that are on OLD but never seem to have any time to actually date.
> 
> …and that’s just for starters. As you can tell, I’m not a huge fan of OLD.


We have to live close to each other..... I think we've dated a few of the same ones.


----------



## SamuraiJack

3Xnocharm;12621121- said:


> "Looking for my partner in crime"...what does that even mean??


It means we are looking for a woman who is not a rule driven prude and who wouldnt mind misbehaving a little. Women who respond to this line are often more malleable when it comes to roles and tend to be a lot of fun. 

My current GF IS my partner in crime. 
Mind you we arent out robbing banks but we do drop by's on our favorite recycling shops at the drop of a hat, deliberately eat processed food, and steal olives from the Hannaford olive bar...when nobody is looking. Just one.
I always get a blue cheese filled one. 

Occasionally we drop our weekend stuff and binge watch TV.

We enjoy taking the stuffy nature of being adults and turning it on it's head once in a while. It brings a feeling like "getting away with something."

Hence..the partner in crime.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Chuck71 said:


> We have to live close to each other..... I think we've dated a few of the same ones.


I hear women who know how to read and write are rare down there...


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think part of the reason I don't get a lot of responses is because I put "average" because I am. I'm not obese, I'm not thin. But I think due ot the number of women lying, men assume "average" does mean obese. I'm overweight by BMI standards but I'm not obese. I think most men could deal with my size.


----------



## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> It means we are looking for a woman who is not a rule driven prude and who wouldnt mind misbehaving a little. Women who respond to this line are often more malleable when it comes to roles and tend to be a lot of fun.
> 
> My current GF IS my partner in crime.
> Mind you we arent out robbing banks but we do drop by's on our favorite recycling shops at the drop of a hat, deliberately eat processed food, and steal olives from the Hannaford olive bar...when nobody is looking. Just one.
> I always get a blue cheese filled one.
> 
> Occasionally we drop our weekend stuff and binge watch TV.
> 
> We enjoy taking the stuffy nature of being adults and turning it on it's head once in a while. It brings a feeling like "getting away with something."
> 
> Hence..the partner in crime.


I actually have this in my Match profile

"and at times, act like a child (we all have the child in us and it is quite healthy to enjoy things that involve carefree fun-swinging in the playground-...sometimes being an adult can be boring).

I even have "partner in crime" on my POF....

SJ.... as for finding one to read and write........ HEY :rofl: :rofl:

We are 51st in reading for a reason. One good thing is a lot of mountain medicine still outdoes modern medicine in several areas. Nowhere else can you run off the road, someone not only pull you out, accept no money but will invite you to "supper."

The uniqueness of the South is we do NOT hide crazy.... we parade it on the front porch and offer you a sweet tea


----------



## bkyln309

Decimated said:


> OK...here goes...
> 
> - Poor grammar and spelling
> 
> - Vague descriptions with no real thought or effort put into them. Profiles with no indication of who they really are or what they are looking for. Also, misleading or exaggerated profiles.
> 
> - “I love to laugh and have fun” Really...who doesn't?
> - “I’m looking for my soul-mate” Really...is he riding a Unicorn?
> - "I love boating!" Do you have a boat or are you just looking for a guy with a boat?
> 
> - Two women in every picture…which one are you?
> - Sunglasses in every picture
> - Pictures of your children. Please leave them out of this. There are some creeps out there!
> - All profile pictures are of the woman partying, at bars or clubs, with a drink in her hand
> - Grainy/blurry or pictures taken from 300’ away. This is 2015, phone cameras work pretty well now and they do close ups.
> - No photos at all, and they expect you to reply to their messages?
> - Photoshopped/retouched/filtered images
> - Pictures of dogs, cats, sunsets, beaches, plants, flowers…anything except you.
> - Pictures that are must be 10 years old…or older because when you meet them, you don’t even recognize them.
> - Women that show up weighing 100 lbs more, yes 100 lbs more than their misleading photos or description would indicate. Discriptions like “Athletic and toned” or “About average” does not include Obese. Sooner or later you are going to have to meet the other person…they’re going to notice!
> 
> - Women that lie about their age
> 
> - Women that wink, Favorite, or like you. Then you send them a nice message and you get back crickets…chirp, chirp!
> 
> - Serial daters using OLD to fill up their extra time and get free dinners and drinks with no real intention or desire for a relationship or the opposite, women who date like crazy but are always looking for the next best thing. Also, women using OLD as an ego boost…extra attention.
> 
> - Women that are on OLD but never seem to have any time to actually date.
> 
> …and that’s just for starters. As you can tell, I’m not a huge fan of OLD.



This list is so familiar and I am a woman. You dont even get a nod if you dont have a shirt on, sporting a cowboy hat, boots and a large belt buckle. Dead animals in your picture or no picture at all is a dealbreaker.

You also get no response from an email that says hi or do you want to hook up? NO! I am a professional woman. While I am not a gold digger, please note from my profile I desire a man who is educated as well. If you cant spell, please do not think it impresses me. 

Athletic and toned means you have seen the inside of the gym this century or do sports. If you are 100 pounds overweight, you are not toned. Nothing wrong with that but I need an active man.


----------



## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> The desperate one...
> 
> HER 10:05 - Wink
> HER 10:10- Arent you going to wink back?
> HER 10:15 - Jee, must be nice being tso great you dont have to wink back...
> HER 10:21 - Your a jerk. I bet you look at yourself in the mirror all the time.
> HER 10:23 - Stuck up D1ck!
> HER 10:30 - You know if you would just reply to some of thr women who reach out to you, you might find some great gal like me!!!!
> 
> HER 10:35- I am a beautiful , feminine, Flower, God &*^%^*^% Dammit!!!!!
> 
> HER 10:39- Dont ever reach otu to me again!!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!!!!! I'm Blocking you!!! SONOFA*****!!!
> 
> ME back on- 10:41- Sorry I was helping my child get to sleep. ...O...I see...
> 
> Sometimes you just have to laugh


Looks EXACTLY like the way CalGal and I called it quits back in December. 

I posted it in my thread if you want a good laugh.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Chuck71 said:


> Looks EXACTLY like the way CalGal and I called it quits back in December.
> 
> I posted it in my thread if you want a good laugh.


I may have to hunt that one down. 
This is as near as I can reproduce from this cute little blonde with adorable curly hair. 
It’s truly amazing how much crazy can hide behind a pretty face.
Funny thing was we had been sorta flirting and exchanging silly stuff and she saw me on about 4 days into it and this is what I got.


----------



## Jane139

bkyln309 said:


> This list is so familiar and I am a woman. You dont even get a nod if you dont have a shirt on, sporting a cowboy hat, boots and a large belt buckle. Dead animals in your picture or no picture at all is a dealbreaker.
> 
> You also get no response from an email that says hi or do you want to hook up? NO! I am a professional woman. While I am not a gold digger, please note from my profile I desire a man who is educated as well. If you cant spell, please do not think it impresses me.
> 
> Athletic and toned means you have seen the inside of the gym this century or do sports. If you are 100 pounds overweight, you are not toned. Nothing wrong with that but I need an active man.


I am not into the cowboy look either, which narrows things down in NM...

Also the most basic spelling errors! Come on. Use spellcheck or have someone look at your profile. It seems like you don't even care how you present yourself. And the no pics is so annoying. Lol I am repeating myself, guess these things really bug me.

Then I get a message today from a guy whose profile says he is 52 but then he goes on to say how he looks young for 47. Wth? And a pic so tiny it it like a speck taken from an airliner...or the moon.


----------



## Chuck71

SamuraiJack said:


> I may have to hunt that one down.
> This is as near as I can reproduce from this cute little blonde with adorable curly hair.
> It’s truly amazing how much crazy can hide behind a pretty face.
> Funny thing was we had been sorta flirting and exchanging silly stuff and she saw me on about 4 days into it and this is what I got.


Since she was a cute blond with nice hair she viewed herself as an entitled princess.

Poor gal doesn't realize they come a dime a dozen.

Just imagine if you had started dating her EEK


----------



## VermisciousKnid

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine finds a new boyfriend who is perfect in every way. Jerry (troublemaker that he is) slyly asks her if he's pro-choice. She assumed that he was because he was so perfect. So she asks him and of course he's pro-life and she breaks up with him immediately.


----------



## Jane139

VermisciousKnid said:


> Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine finds a new boyfriend who is perfect in every way. Jerry (troublemaker that he is) slyly asks her if he's pro-choice. She assumed that he was because he was so perfect. So she asks him and of course he's pro-life and she breaks up with him immediately.


That one was on yesterday...not that I am into TV lol


----------



## Rowan

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think part of the reason I don't get a lot of responses is because I put "average" because I am. I'm not obese, I'm not thin. But I think due ot the number of women lying, men assume "average" does mean obese. I'm overweight by BMI standards but I'm not obese. I think most men could deal with my size.


I suspect that happens to me, as well. I'm a size 8-10, which at very nearly 5'8" is a medium, which is sort of the definition of "about average". I'm not petite. I'm not overweight. I'm not terribly athletic, but I do yoga and walk a fair amount. I won't be winning any 5Ks anytime soon, but I can run/walk a 5K and arrive at the finish line without dying and before the organizers have all gone home. Average..... 

But, like you, I think so many guys are so used to women lying and saying "about average" when they're actually obese, that they just assume it's always a lie. It's one of the many pitfalls of online dating. Similarly, I find myself subtracting 1-2 inches from men's stated height if they claim to be anything under 6'1". 




Chuck71 said:


> The uniqueness of the South is we do NOT hide crazy.... we parade it on the front porch and offer you a sweet tea


I actually have a t-shirt that says _"Here in the South, we don't hide crazy. We bring it out on the porch and give it a c0cktail."_ Love that shirt! And, hey, I can even read it!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I havent been on a site in quite some time, so this thread prompted me to do a quick search on Match. I remembered another peeve...

- Making STUPID captions on your photos, trying to make yourself look witty! 

- Oh, and pics that are way too far away to see what you really look like!


----------



## Jane139

Guys who include words like "tongue" or "loins" in their user names...really? How does that work out for them I wonder. Well really, I don't.

Am browsing profiles today and am amazed how many post photos where it is impossible to even tell it is a person. Use zoom, good grief.


----------



## BlueWoman

I have a hard time finding people interesting online, but I don't find people I could be attracted to IRL. And I know if I met them online, I wouldn't find them attractive.


----------



## Chuck71

Is it the intrigue, the mystery?


----------



## Jane139

I find I like this thread more than I like online dating antics 

Yesterday was a kind of nasty, windy day here, got a batch of messages. Maybe the weather? Today is a nice gloomy rainy one so far, my favorite kind of day-maybe I will hit the jackpot, lol.


----------



## Rowan

Jane139 said:


> I find I like this thread more than I like online dating antics
> 
> Yesterday was a kind of nasty, windy day here, got a batch of messages. Maybe the weather? Today is a nice gloomy rainy one so far, my favorite kind of day-maybe I will hit the jackpot, lol.


Yeah, I typically get a lot more interest when the weather is bad. Want to really see your inbox get flooded? Try a long holiday weekend with bad weather...... 


Fresh from checking my new matches this morning:

- Fellas, every man needs someone in their life who will tell them if they look like a seriously unhinged psychopath in every single one of their profile pictures. If you don't have such a person, _go find one_. And get them to take pictures of you that don't include that wild-eyed creepy stare that seems to convey a desire to suck the viewer's soul out through the photograph. Just sayin'. 

- Three profile pictures, all of beautifully plated gourmet food. Not a single picture of the guy whose profile I was reading. :scratchhead:

- One guy who answered the first three questions - What are you most passionate about? What do you like to spend your leisure time doing? What are you most thankful for? - all with the phrase "havign sex" (sic). If that's what you're after, why pay for an account at eHarmony? POF, Tinder, even Craigslist, are all free...... And for pity's sake, run it through a spell-checker!!!


----------



## Hoosier

My biggest: Leaving your profile visible, when you don't have a paying membership, meaning if I email you, you cant get the message so you don't reply. Ugh! If you are no longer active on the site, how hard is it to hide your profile? 

Sending me a hello email, then not replying to my reply.

Meeting someone, nice conversation (last one she said, Man the time just flew by!) and then they text you later that they just want to be friends, as there was no chemistry. I guess for most people they are looking for the "hit by a brick" feeling from the first meeting. I felt that once, I was 16.


----------



## Jane139

I do not pay on ******* but still can get and send emails...also the 2Mingle site or whatever it is called.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Rowan said:


> Y
> - Fellas, every man needs someone in their life who will tell them if they look like a seriously unhinged psychopath in every single one of their profile pictures. If you don't have such a person, _go find one_. And get them to take pictures of you that don't include that wild-eyed creepy stare that seems to convey a desire to suck the viewer's soul out through the photograph. Just sayin'.


Or someone who should tell them then REALLY need to update their look. Yesterday I was saved as a 'favorite' by this guy who has a Captain Kangaroo haircut - grey hair with BANGS. NO MAN SHOULD HAVE BANGS. Just, no. He'd look OK with a side part. Why has no one told him it looks like a bowl cut? AND he's 59. At least he's smiling.


----------



## Shoto1984

Hoosier said:


> My biggest: Leaving your profile visible, when you don't have a paying membership, meaning if I email you, you cant get the message so you don't reply. Ugh! If you are no longer active on the site, how hard is it to hide your profile?
> *Or leaving it active when they're dating/involved with someone so have no intention of writing anyone back UNLESS the Bigger Better Deal comes along. GRRRR*
> Sending me a hello email, then not replying to my reply.
> 
> Meeting someone, nice conversation (last one she said, Man the time just flew by!) and then they text you later that they just want to be friends, as there was no chemistry. I guess for most people they are looking for the "hit by a brick" feeling from the first meeting. I felt that once, I was 16.
> *True that...they're acting like they're 16. Its as if they haven't gained any life experience since their teen dating.*


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I read that a person should go on at least three dates with someone, baring any glaring deal breakers, before deciding whether or not to continue to see them. I think this is good advice in general. The reason is first date is put-on-best-face, nervous and awkward. Second date is when one begins to relax a bit and third date is when you really get a feel for someone's personality. And until then you really can't get a good idea as to whether or not there is chemistry.

I've never had the instant heat/eyes meet across the room experience. It does take some time to determine if someone is worth pursuing more.


----------



## Jane139

This one guy just posted his pic, finally, after emailing me several times...head-to-toe camo...almost wish he hadn't. Yikes.


----------



## SurpriseMyself

SamuraiJack said:


> The desperate one...
> 
> HER 10:05 - Wink
> HER 10:10- Arent you going to wink back?
> HER 10:15 - Jee, must be nice being tso great you dont have to wink back...
> HER 10:21 - Your a jerk. I bet you look at yourself in the mirror all the time.
> HER 10:23 - Stuck up D1ck!
> HER 10:30 - You know if you would just reply to some of thr women who reach out to you, you might find some great gal like me!!!!
> 
> HER 10:35- I am a beautiful , feminine, Flower, God &*^%^*^% Dammit!!!!!
> 
> HER 10:39- Dont ever reach otu to me again!!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!!!!! I'm Blocking you!!! SONOFA*****!!!
> 
> ME back on- 10:41- Sorry I was helping my child get to sleep. ...O...I see...
> 
> Sometimes you just have to laugh


Seriously? And I thought I'd met some unbalanced guys in the past. Few people texted the last time I tried online dating (2002!).

From what I recall, my pet peeves were profiles with no info, guys who took pics with/in front of their hot car, and plenty of guys who would only date younger.

And if the first date wasn't a hit, let it go, please! I can't tell you how many guys kept bugging me for a second date when I knew I didn't want one!!

A final pet peeve is actually about the women who write everything to entice the guy rather than being real. I've never seen so many profiles where the woman likes only guy stuff (football, hiking, tailgating, etc.). I'm sure there are women who like this stuff (I do, honestly, but those aren't my top likes), but these women seem to be putting the best possible bait out there. Wonder when the switch happens ....


----------



## SurpriseMyself

Jane139 said:


> This one guy just posted his pic, finally, after emailing me several times...head-to-toe camo...almost wish he hadn't. Yikes.


Gave you all you needed to know, though. Some women would find that a turn on, others a turn off.


----------



## SurpriseMyself

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've never had the instant heat/eyes meet across the room experience. It does take some time to determine if someone is worth pursuing more.


I've had it twice in my life. Both times I made the first move and we ended up together for a while. Didn't work in the end, but I'll never forget how it all began. 

And neither was online. I've never met a guy online that I wanted to date more than a few times.


----------



## Rowan

SurpriseMyself said:


> A final pet peeve is actually about the women who write everything to entice the guy rather than being real. I've never seen so many profiles where the woman likes only guy stuff (football, hiking, tailgating, etc.). I'm sure there are women who like this stuff (I do, honestly, but those aren't my top likes), but these women seem to be putting the best possible bait out there. Wonder when the switch happens ....


Part of that may be cultural. My profile says I enjoy fishing, hunting and shooting, and that I'm a respectably skilled poker player. I also love college football and tailgating. While that may sound like "guy stuff", it's actually pretty standard for women in the culture in which I was raised. In fact, admitting to not liking tailgating would actually be a *huge* negative to many men in my area. 

Of course my profile also includes that I'm an avid reader, a film buff, love music, love to entertain, enjoy cooking and like to travel.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Rowan said:


> Part of that may be cultural. My profile says I enjoy fishing, hunting and shooting, and that I'm a respectably skilled poker player. I also love college football and tailgating. While that may sound like "guy stuff", it's actually pretty standard for women in the culture in which I was raised. In fact, admitting to not liking tailgating would actually be a *huge* negative to many men in my area.
> 
> Of course my profile also includes that I'm an avid reader, a film buff, love music, love to entertain, enjoy cooking and like to travel.


Very true. I grew up skeet shooting, fishing, helping dad work on the car and house by handing him tools, and chopping firewood. And I like going camping. Sometimes guys have a bit of tunnel vision, though and see "camping" and when I read their profile that's the ONLY thing we have in common. I mean I'd do it twice a year, not every weekend year round.


----------



## Dread Pirate Roberts

I'm not sure I'd say anything that hasn't already been said, but...

Duck Lips. It's bad enough when teenagers do it, but it looks freaking ridiculous when a 40 year old woman sports them.

I live in Vegas, and a common one here is "I'm not your typical Vegas girl"

DPR


----------



## Chuck71

SurpriseMyself said:


> I've had it twice in my life. Both times I made the first move and we ended up together for a while. Didn't work in the end, but I'll never forget how it all began.
> 
> And neither was online. I've never met a guy online that I wanted to date more than a few times.


Nice to hear it has happened to others. Two times for me.... 2nd love, lasted on and off five years.

And 3rd love, aka XW. 15 years total. With first glance.... I just knew. Only felt it twice but it went 2 for 2.


----------



## Chuck71

Dread Pirate Roberts said:


> I'm not sure I'd say anything that hasn't already been said, but...
> 
> Duck Lips. It's bad enough when teenagers do it, but it looks freaking ridiculous when a 40 year old woman sports them.
> 
> I live in Vegas, and a common one here is "I'm not your typical Vegas girl"
> 
> DPR


I can see that happening. Here in SE TN.... "I'm a country gal through and through"

Got some news for ya.... sporting Daisy Dukes and cheap eyeliner does not make you look country,

it makes you resemble Elvira on a four day drunk.

Here it's popular to be (I'm guessing) blowing you a kiss. Cute for an 18 y/o.... not cute for the 40

and over crowd. For all I know I could be wrong.... it could be fairy dust in hopes of finding a man

who would watch Lifetime with them.


----------



## Jane139

SurpriseMyself said:


> Gave you all you needed to know, though. Some women would find that a turn on, others a turn off.



The pic did not match the conversation to date, or the profile though, lol. So I was startled...


----------



## Shoto1984

I guess this is #4 for me... The people who aren't over the last relationship. They're there to dip toes in the water but when it comes down to it they're not getting in. Waste of time.


----------



## SurpriseMyself

Chuck71 said:


> Got some news for ya.... sporting Daisy Dukes and cheap eyeliner does not make you look country,
> 
> it makes you resemble Elvira on a four day drunk.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Wolf1974

Dread Pirate Roberts said:


> I'm not sure I'd say anything that hasn't already been said, but...
> 
> Duck Lips. It's bad enough when teenagers do it, but it looks freaking ridiculous when a 40 year old woman sports them.
> 
> I live in Vegas, and a common one here is "I'm not your typical Vegas girl"
> 
> DPR


Well that spikes my curiosity. What is a typical Vegas girl then?


----------



## Jane139

One of my issues with this whole online dating business...is that if I do go and meet someone (have not advanced to that point yet) and I don't want to see them again, how to get that across? I am not sure I have it in me to tell a man "you don't interest me" or whatever. I hate the idea of hurting feelings. This whole process can be so humiliating as it is. What have some of you said or done in this situation? And how do YOU feel if you are the one being "rejected"?


----------



## arbitrator

Jane139 said:


> One of my issues with this whole online dating business...is that if I do go and meet someone (have not advanced to that point yet) and I don't want to see them again, how to get that across? I am not sure I have it in me to tell a man "you don't interest me" or whatever. I hate the idea of hurting feelings. This whole process can be so humiliating as it is. What have some of you said or done in this situation? And how do YOU feel if you are the one being "rejected"?


* As far as rejecting someone you don't really feel well-suited for, simply compliment them for all of their great attributes, but just tell them that you personally don't feel that there is "match potential" there! The best way to do this is either with a post-meeting telephone call or an email to them to effectively express that.

Inasfar as you being turned down by the other party, just be adult enough to accept their decision and move on! Knowing that if they are not really enamored with you, that a one-sided relationship is not really the way that they are supposed to be!

I had met an out-of-town gal on eHarmony sometime back, and while our telephone conversations went amazingly well, our face to face date left each of us feeling ambivalent about the other. Bless her heart that she had the wither-all to phone me and politely express that to me just about the same time I was going to email her the very same sentiments!

So if polite rejection is in any way involved, just be forthright, congenial, and adult about it. It should never ever be taken as something of a personal nature!*


----------



## bkyln309

Jane139 said:


> One of my issues with this whole online dating business...is that if I do go and meet someone (have not advanced to that point yet) and I don't want to see them again, how to get that across? I am not sure I have it in me to tell a man "you don't interest me" or whatever. I hate the idea of hurting feelings. This whole process can be so humiliating as it is. What have some of you said or done in this situation? And how do YOU feel if you are the one being "rejected"?


I just say it was great meeting you but this is not a match. Its pretty standard in OLD circles and I have yet to have anyone get offended.


----------



## Jane139

The thing is, I am seeking platonic friends as much as anything else. So it seems harsh to say "I don't even want you as a friend, now that we have met" lol.


----------



## Chuck71

Jane139 said:


> One of my issues with this whole online dating business...is that if I do go and meet someone (have not advanced to that point yet) and I don't want to see them again, how to get that across? I am not sure I have it in me to tell a man "you don't interest me" or whatever. I hate the idea of hurting feelings. This whole process can be so humiliating as it is. What have some of you said or done in this situation? And how do YOU feel if you are the one being "rejected"?


-I don't see things progressing for us

-We seem to be seeking different things

-I hope you find what you are looking for

-I feel we are headed in different directions

We are adults.... 1st meets aren't even a real date. No expectations.

Almost all of the single females I know, go into a meet, dead set on going dutch.

Now if they like the guy.... and already know they will go out again.... they will let the guy pay.

Course I'd like to think none of them are serial daters.


----------



## Dread Pirate Roberts

Wolf1974 said:


> Well that spikes my curiosity. What is a typical Vegas girl then?


Not 100% sure, but whatever it is, apparently it's not good! Seems to mean shallow, narcissistic, gold digger, etc.

That reminds me. I ALSO HATE ALL CAPS!!!!!! NO PLAYERS!!!! NO OUT OF TOWNERS!!!!!! NOT DTF!!!!!!

DPR


----------



## Shoto1984

Jane139 said:


> The thing is, I am seeking platonic friends as much as anything else. So it seems harsh to say "I don't even want you as a friend, now that we have met" lol.


I'm not sure it will be an easy transition from prospective romance to platonic friends. You might want to look for friends at meetup groups etc. and not from the OLD pool. 

As to the "blow off", I think its easier when you both have less invested. I try to meet for coffee or a drink pretty fast when the basics seem to be there. Otherwise you've both invested in each other's imaginary person, maybe gotten emotionally connected to the imaginary person an then......ouch. OLD is a way to meet people. The relationship comes after you meet them for real.


----------



## Jane139

Maybe I am too nice for this online business...I see these men who post their pics upside down or sideways or with their head cut off and I feel sorry for them. I figure they don't have anyone to help them and/or are not good with taking their own pic. (Neither am 
I, but I did get a decent shot right side up, lol.)

Also....do tag lines like "breast-obsessed" really work, lol? If so, I would like to see the women who respond


----------



## BlueWoman

I just got a message from someone who was obviously using a strategy from PUA. YOu know the strategy....say something nice but slip in an insult. 

I will admit that it did make me feel insecure for a minute. But I avoid peole who make me feel insecure like the plague. And then I re read my profile...and you know, he must have worked really hard to find something to insult.


----------



## Chuck71

If he was bothered by the number of zoo pics in your photo section.... he isn't worth the time it 

takes to get riled up. Some people live on OKC..... I have seen some females who are still on here

that were when I joined it... from December '12 to January '13.

Miserable and low self esteem people often try to downgrade others to shed light onto them. 

Y'know..... like a bully. They can't be a bully unless you give them your attention.


----------



## BlueWoman

What's funny is I don't actually have any zoo pictures. My first paragraph mentions that I like to walk with my dog. Then i have 3 or four paragraphs about other things that has nothing to do with animals. And then I have questions for conversation starters and also to determin if they have actually read my profile. There are 5 questions. One asks the name of the newest elephant in the zoo. And one asks if they have ever adopted a rescue animal. The other three are about pop culture and have nothing to do with animals. 

It was just so obvious a play. I could't help myself and wrote back that I recognized it as a PUA strategy and that it was too bad, because I actually like nice guys. He wrote back saying he was just asking questions. I don't really see a question . Anyway I'm leaving that alone. 

But I was thinking...guys who use that strategy typically feel emasculalted, but that kind of comment makes me itch to emasculate him. It makes me completely lose respect.


----------



## Chuck71

Try not to stoop to their level...... ain't worth it.....

Conversing with a moron is like trying to schit upstream.... gets you nowhere


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I love how you saw right through it, Blue. 

I decided to give up. I had a date today; I cancelled it and took down my profile. Geez if seeing someone on OKC from 2012 is bad, I guess I'm a total loser on match going back to 2005.

I was enjoying contact with one fellow who used a portion of his name. I decided to find out more about him after two bits of sexual innuendo from him. He had listed he had never been married but he had a girl in college (not unheard of). I find out he is an attorney who ran for judge in 2012 and still owns a house with his wife, tho, based on FB they do have separate lives. So I basically called him out and he said he was separated but made a mistake setting up his profile. Then when I said I was no longer interested as it was too soon for him and I was looking for a LTR he said "Wow. OK." As if I was the one being unreasonable (and I was very pleasant about it all - just said had it been correct I would have never responded because we are in different places. Guess what? He hasn't fixed his profile yet. It wasn't a mistake - it was intentional because so many don't want to date some separated. FOR A REASON. I don't want someone who is a manipulative liar and also a public office!!! Good grief!

Another fellow is nearly an hour away. Our exchanges pleasant enough but for our first date he wanted me to come work in his rose garden and he'd grill steaks. 1) first dates at a guy's house are a no-no 2) it implies sex having dinner at his place, 3) work in his yard? Just because we both like gardening? Really?!?! So I vetoed that and we agreed to meet somewhere in the middle and then all of this just felt overwhelming. I apologized for ditching at the last minute (he hadn't left yet), said I hoped he could still make some plans and that I just wasn't ready. I blocked him, hid my profile and deleted all of my photos.

I'm ready for a relationship but not the process. I'm going organic. I am going to focus on life, not love. I miss it something awful and I used to enjoy dating but somehow this whole thing left me feeling so empty and lonesome while staying at home did not.

And reading the suggestions for my profile including cleavage shots, bathing suit or workout wear pics, etc. - I'm not desperate. It's one thing to put my whole body photo in a shot but I am NOT a steak in a meat display case. I'm so much more than my great boobs. I'm so much more than my great smile. I'd rather be alone and happy than degrade myself by "competing" with other women. I know that sounds bitter - towards OLD maybe; not toward men, love or life.


----------



## BlueWoman

Enjoli, I so resonate with your post. The whole thing is overwhelming. 

And honestly, it's not much fun.

As for Mr. Politician...the whole seperated thing.... I wouldn't neccessarily believe that. He sounds sleazy. Glad you caught that quickly.

And work in his rose garden? What?! You aren't free labor.


----------



## frootloop

Enjoli,

Good call. I dropped out of Match myself after a few dates - meetup is a better way to meet people. The whole OLD thing is pretty messed up, I met a few weirdos, and that was enough for me.


----------



## gouge_away

I've never ever heard of meetup.


----------



## frootloop

Well, it might not be in your area, go to meetup.com and see. Its basically getting together with social groups who share similar interests, rather than individual dating. There are groups for hiking, biking, dinner our, movies, etc.


----------



## gouge_away

frootloop said:


> Well, it might not be in your area, go to meetup.com and see. Its basically getting together with social groups who share similar interests, rather than individual dating. There are groups for hiking, biking, dinner our, movies, etc.


I joined a furry group...
Looks like where all the old h.s. mascots hang out.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

EnjoliWoman said:


> I love how you saw right through it, Blue.
> 
> I decided to give up. I had a date today; I cancelled it and took down my profile. Geez if seeing someone on OKC from 2012 is bad, I guess I'm a total loser on match going back to 2005.
> 
> I was enjoying contact with one fellow who used a portion of his name. I decided to find out more about him after two bits of sexual innuendo from him. He had listed he had never been married but he had a girl in college (not unheard of). I find out he is an attorney who ran for judge in 2012 and still owns a house with his wife, tho, based on FB they do have separate lives. So I basically called him out and he said he was separated but made a mistake setting up his profile. Then when I said I was no longer interested as it was too soon for him and I was looking for a LTR he said "Wow. OK." As if I was the one being unreasonable (and I was very pleasant about it all - just said had it been correct I would have never responded because we are in different places. Guess what? He hasn't fixed his profile yet. It wasn't a mistake - it was intentional because so many don't want to date some separated. FOR A REASON. I don't want someone who is a manipulative liar and also a public office!!! Good grief!
> 
> Another fellow is nearly an hour away. Our exchanges pleasant enough but for our first date he wanted me to come work in his rose garden and he'd grill steaks. 1) first dates at a guy's house are a no-no 2) it implies sex having dinner at his place, 3) work in his yard? Just because we both like gardening? Really?!?! So I vetoed that and we agreed to meet somewhere in the middle and then all of this just felt overwhelming. I apologized for ditching at the last minute (he hadn't left yet), said I hoped he could still make some plans and that I just wasn't ready. I blocked him, hid my profile and deleted all of my photos.
> 
> I'm ready for a relationship but not the process. I'm going organic. I am going to focus on life, not love. I miss it something awful and I used to enjoy dating but somehow this whole thing left me feeling so empty and lonesome while staying at home did not.
> 
> And reading the suggestions for my profile including cleavage shots, bathing suit or workout wear pics, etc. - I'm not desperate. It's one thing to put my whole body photo in a shot but I am NOT a steak in a meat display case. I'm so much more than my great boobs. I'm so much more than my great smile. I'd rather be alone and happy than degrade myself by "competing" with other women. I know that sounds bitter - towards OLD maybe; not toward men, love or life.


When I was doing OLD a few years ago, I got a message from someone on OKC. He didn't have a photo, but he said, "because of ny high profile job, I can't have a photo, so just google me and you'll find out all about me." So I did. He and his wife, who was an attorney, had written some books about parenting ADHD or Asperger's kids, or autistic....I forget which one now. But, they had like 6 kids and he was a school district superintendent!! And married! He, of course had zero clue that the job I had at the time put me into FREQUENT contact with all of the school district superintendents in the county, and I had really good professional relationships with at least five of them--his direct colleagues. (One of them ALSO hit on me, and he was married too....is is the POWER?) Anyway, I told him all of this without revealing where I worked or how I knew them. I did not directly threaten him with exposure, but I definitely expressed my disinterest and disapproval.

His next reply? "Omg, I have no idea what happened! Someone must have hacked into my computer and created this online profile for me!" Then he deleted it.


----------



## gouge_away

People who put fake ages, to get themselves in a different search query, but once you read their About Me they inform you that they are significantly older.


----------



## Hardtohandle

The line or lines that started with make me laugh or looking for someone to make me happy.. 

It sure does scream some sort of insecurity..

I've come to learn that the line "I get alone with guys more than girls" is not for me.. There is no such thing as guy friends. 

The reality is guys that want to fvck me and make sure they tell me how no good you are for me because they want to be you at all cost.


The kids come first is a bit silly. Though oddly enough I hinted enough to make women understand I had custody of my kids.. That seemed to be a turn on for some.. At a minimum it made them curious.

Pics of women in a bar that they clearly should not be in, with guys 10+ years younger than them.. 

Ghetto trash pics of leaning against the apartment door with the 100s coats of paint with their a$$ pushed out.. Of course add in some sort of garbage in the back ground.

I get it, pics can be tough.. You sort of have to tell your buddy, take a pic of me I need it for a dating site.. 

Clean up the area where you are going to take the pic at least even if it's selfie or on a timer..

I seen one woman who took selfies of herself in different stages of laughing.. The part is you know she really wasn't laughing but just faking it for the pic.. Again I get, but it sort of crazy taking a selfie like that..


----------



## Hardtohandle

EnjoliWoman said:


> it was intentional because so many don't want to date some separated. FOR A REASON.


Not gonna lie, the GF said she was divorced when she wasn't even legally separated.. 

Though they haven't been together for about 2 years before we met.. I would never deal with someone again that wasn't divorced or could show me that they are in the process of actually divorcing.. 

We have been dating for over a year and a half and they just started going through a real divorce and ONLY because I pretty much told her sh!t or get off the pot.. I told her by June if nothing was started I was pretty much done with taking this relationship serious.. 

Its a pain because I feel like I am in the middle of it.. Trying to be the good BF who has been through this and looking to help her out with some advice.. But in the end he knows where she is getting her info from.. So I end up being the bad guy to him in a sense... Though I know he is getting advice from his GF and her lawyer as well... 

But something I do not want to be part of now or ever again ( if I end up being single again ).. 

I've tell you I have learned a lot and my next profile will be clear about what my needs are.. It might be scary, but at least women will understand where I am coming from..


----------



## gouge_away

This
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=96463284


----------



## BlueWoman

Is she in a public bathroom?


----------



## gouge_away

Yes I'm almost certain, "this is what she really looks like," taking a dump


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wow. And these people usually find someone. Then again their standards probably aren't the same as mine!


----------



## Chuck71

EnjoliWoman said:


> Geez if seeing someone on OKC from 2012 is bad, I guess I'm a total loser on match going back to 2005.


Referring to same pics and exact same profile. To the extent... their profile indicates all pics are new..... yes they were.... in 2012


----------



## Shoto1984

gouge_away said:


> People who put fake ages, to get themselves in a different search query, but once you read their About Me they inform you that they are significantly older.


It would be interesting to do an experiment where there was no age listed. You would put one in to start and the site would group you with others that were 5 yrs younger and 5 yrs older than yourself (maybe you get to pick how any years up or down for the people you want to see) 

The tendency for both men and women to want to date down in age seems so prevalent. It makes me think people need to get a grip and realize that, within reason, age means very little and making sweeping judgments on it potentially robs you of meeting some great people.


----------



## Rowan

Shoto1984 said:


> It would be interesting to do an experiment where there was no age listed. You would put one in to start and the site would group you with others that were 5 yrs younger and 5 yrs older than yourself (maybe you get to pick how any years up or down for the people you want to see)
> 
> *The tendency for both men and women to want to date down in age seems so prevalent.* It makes me think people need to get a grip and realize that, within reason, age means very little and making sweeping judgments on it potentially robs you of meeting some great people.


It's so interesting to me that you say that. It honestly never even occurred to me to want to date men who were more than a year or so younger than I am. However, I'm pretty willing to date men up to about 12 years older. At age 38, my match parameters are set to guys 36-50. The two men I've dated who seemed to have a maturity (their sh!t together-ness) level similar to my own were both just about 10 years my senior. 

Maybe it's because I've typically had older friends and dated men who were slightly older than me, but so many of the men I see online who are my age or a couple years younger just seem soooo young. A lot of them have never married, never had kids and now want children. Their profiles are often all about their last snowboarding or windsurfing trip or their band. Their pictures all seem to include their motorcycle or their new truck or sports car, their tattoos, their dog, sometimes their mom. They just seem _young_ to me. I just don't really "get" the, apparently common, desire to date younger.


----------



## Chuck71

Below is a profile word for word (PM me and I will give you the handle for proof)

SMFH...... this stuff can't be made up

I am sick of dating and all the lies , games and just plan bs that go's with it . YET i am sick of being alone too. I am a smoker if u don't like that keep moving. I wont quite 4 u. I am also 420 friendly. So again if u have a problem with that keep moving. My roommate is a guy if you have a problem with that keep moving. My teeth are bad or missing so AGAIN if you have a problem with that keep moving. IF U R OVER 40 miles Keep moving . I want some1 CLOSE enough 2 see. I WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I will NOT send you any NUDES nor do i want ANY from u so DON'T ask. I DON'T date outside of my race sorry. ( I want a 1 WOMAN man if there is ANY ???? ) NOT LOOKING for a Man wh0re & i know that's all that's on here . it's funny you guys don't want a relationship. you all just want to get laid. but all you do is talk SH*T online & won't meet a women . when i was with my husband we made love 3 or more times a day 20 of the 22 yrs we were together.


Yeah...... gimme sum a' that ......


----------



## gouge_away

Yes crack will turn you Ultra HD.


----------



## Chuck71

Egh.... I'm sure she's got more hits than Pete Rose


----------



## Rowan

gouge_away said:


> Yes crack will turn you Ultra HD.


I was thinking more along the lines of tweeking on meth - what with the missing teeth and all......



Why is normal so hard to find? SMH


----------



## arbitrator

EnjoliWoman said:


> I love how you saw right through it, Blue.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I decided to give up. I had a date today; I cancelled it and took down my profile. Geez if seeing someone on OKC from 2012 is bad, I guess I'm a total loser on match going back to 2005.
> 
> I was enjoying contact with one fellow who used a portion of his name. I decided to find out more about him after two bits of sexual innuendo from him. He had listed he had never been married but he had a girl in college (not unheard of). I find out he is an attorney who ran for judge in 2012 and still owns a house with his wife, tho, based on FB they do have separate lives. So I basically called him out and he said he was separated but made a mistake setting up his profile. Then when I said I was no longer interested as it was too soon for him and I was looking for a LTR he said "Wow. OK." As if I was the one being unreasonable (and I was very pleasant about it all - just said had it been correct I would have never responded because we are in different places. Guess what? He hasn't fixed his profile yet. It wasn't a mistake - it was intentional because so many don't want to date some separated. FOR A REASON. I don't want someone who is a manipulative liar and also a public office!!! Good grief!
> 
> Another fellow is nearly an hour away. Our exchanges pleasant enough but for our first date he wanted me to come work in his rose garden and he'd grill steaks. 1) first dates at a guy's house are a no-no 2) it implies sex having dinner at his place, 3) work in his yard? Just because we both like gardening? Really?!?! So I vetoed that and we agreed to meet somewhere in the middle and then all of this just felt overwhelming. I apologized for ditching at the last minute (he hadn't left yet), said I hoped he could still make some plans and that I just wasn't ready. I blocked him, hid my profile and deleted all of my photos.
> 
> I'm ready for a relationship but not the process. I'm going organic. I am going to focus on life, not love. I miss it something awful and I used to enjoy dating but somehow this whole thing left me feeling so empty and lonesome while staying at home did not.
> 
> And reading the suggestions for my profile including cleavage shots, bathing suit or workout wear pics, etc. - I'm not desperate. It's one thing to put my whole body photo in a shot but I am NOT a steak in a meat display case. I'm so much more than my great boobs. I'm so much more than my great smile. I'd rather be alone and happy than degrade myself by "competing" with other women. I know that sounds bitter - towards OLD maybe; not toward men, love or life.


* Enjoli: I can't say that I blame you for making your decision for temporarily vacating OLD!

I still participate, but I'm not what you'd call anything near prolific about it! I've gone out on a few dates with some of the OL women, but nothing has even remotely begun to tug at my heartstrings!

I met one gal OL who actually was a member of my Methodist church, who already knew about me and my leadership role there in FCA and UMM. We met and attended Maundy Thursday service together, then went out afterward for dinner/libations! 

Good personality but, for me, there was no discernible attraction because she was very heavy set(profile said "average") and stood 5' 1"(I'm nearly 6' 4").

She then asked me to attend a small theater play that she was acting in but even if I had wanted to, I had football commitments which I clearly conveyed to her at the time.

Then after church service a couple of weeks ago, she barrels down to the front of the sanctuary to see me, with her very attractive college age daughter in tow! 

Then just the other day, I get the strangest damn text from her greatly to the effect of "let's just be friends! I hope God will smile on you and Natalie, as she deserves happiness untold!"

Hell's bells! I don't even know who Natalie is, much less even know a "Natalie." All that this really proved to me was that this gal has the marked potential to be crazier than a peach orchard sow! 

So I'm taking most anything from any woman I meet with a grain of salt! I won't quit trying, but I'm going to continue to be rather discernible in that arena!

As for you, please don't give up because love, seemingly, has the nastiest habit of showing up on your doorstep when you least expect it! Just be discernible and settle for nothing but the very best!*


----------



## Itscomplicated

This is a fun thread:

1. Guys who make comments about sex in their profile, like " I want a best friend and a lover", "looking for someone for long passionate nights together". I hope you want sex, I do too, I just don't need you to spell it out like some sort of cheap romance novel. This is probably something that just happens to us 50 somethings.

2. Profiles filled with all the things they want a girl to do with them, but none of it matches anything in my profile. I am thinking, what did I put in my profile that makes you think I want to camp, hunt, ride off road vehicles and fish every weekend? Nothing against those activities, but that isn't my deal. It's more funny than anything. 

3. Reading how they don't want drama. Putting that in your profile will not help you avoid a high drama mama. In fact, it makes me think they probably have made a solid choice to stay with someone dramatic before and maybe they actually do like a little crazy in their women. 

4. I have seen many profiles where the guys say how they are laid back and easy going. It's like reading a description for a house for sale that says "Cute cottage". You know what that means, it means a small house that needs work lol. So a guy who says he is easy going is guy speak for either "Lazy" or "I don't want you to complain about anything I do, and I don't care if you don't like it"

5. Poor spelling and short or non-existent information or bio. One person had barely completed their profile and then wrote in their bio "I didn't realize this would be so much work". He probably put 5 minutes into his profile, so, wow, if that is a lot of work, I will pass on you.

6. People that are clearly not ready to date. They put stuff about being skeptical that you can even meet someone this way or they make a bunch of statements that show they are still bitter about their last relationship. Who wants to date that?

7. Seeing 10 pictures or more of them basically in the same pose but different clothes. Pictures that are obviously out of date. Pictures where they must have cropped out an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. For a guy, I really only need a few pictures of them and a few more that highlight the activities they like to do. I am not trying to date a male fashion model.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Chuck71 said:


> Below is a profile word for word (PM me and I will give you the handle for proof)
> 
> SMFH...... this stuff can't be made up
> 
> I am sick of dating and all the lies , games and just plan bs that go's with it . YET i am sick of being alone too. I am a smoker if u don't like that keep moving. I wont quite 4 u. I am also 420 friendly. So again if u have a problem with that keep moving. My roommate is a guy if you have a problem with that keep moving. My teeth are bad or missing so AGAIN if you have a problem with that keep moving. IF U R OVER 40 miles Keep moving . I want some1 CLOSE enough 2 see. I WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I will NOT send you any NUDES nor do i want ANY from u so DON'T ask. I DON'T date outside of my race sorry. ( I want a 1 WOMAN man if there is ANY ???? ) NOT LOOKING for a Man wh0re & i know that's all that's on here . it's funny you guys don't want a relationship. you all just want to get laid. but all you do is talk SH*T online & won't meet a women . when i was with my husband we made love 3 or more times a day 20 of the 22 yrs we were together.
> 
> 
> Yeah...... gimme sum a' that ......


She sounds delightful!!

Based on her physical description, I think she was in my kitchen last night handling the closing on our housing refinance into my ex's name. :surprise:


----------



## SecondTime'Round

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> I met one gal OL who actually was a member of my Methodist church, who already knew about me and my leadership role there in FCA and UMM. We met and attended Maundy Thursday service together, then went out afterward for dinner/libations!
> *


A few years ago when I was doing OLD a man messaged me. He is AA and I'm white. He is a Christian and in his profile he wrote out the entire "Love Chapter" (I Corinthians 13) However, smack dab in the middle of it he added a verse about how Love does not look at the color of someone's skin, love is colorblind. Something like that. I know the Bible, and I knew this was his little addition. I thought it was amusing, so I messaged him back and told him that and we got to talking. Turned out we went to the same church (huge church). (And he put that in there because he refuses to date black women). We ended up going out a couple of times and became friends, but I was not interested in a relationship with him for several reasons. We're still friends on FB and he's in a serious relationship. With an extremely white woman.


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## sndeng

I tried a bunch of the dating sites as a "curiosity experiment". I'm not looking for anyone or anything. I have a very happy marriage for 47 years. I've found most replies are fictitious, ghosts, phantoms. They are made up by the site to attract you into joining. I've seen it all on those sites and, yes, most leave nothing to the imagination. My peeves would be:
1. Any guy with baggage do not reply. She must be perfect in every way? I doubt it.
2. Looking for sex only, no commitment. Definitely not wanting to talk.
There are others but I finally dropped off those sites after a couple of months experimentation. Yes, my wife knew I was doing it strictly as an experiment.
If you do join one and want to leave, do this first. Remove all pictures. If you put a profile up, try to remove it. Most sites won't let you. What you can do is add into the profile, in CAPS, you are no longer active on this site. Do this in the middle of several sentences and save it to your profile. Remove as much info as you can. Sexual preferences, height, weight, hair color, etc. Do this and then cancel out. Reason is, if you just leave everything there, they will use your info as a ghost to attract others. I did this and it miffed two sites so badly, they sent me an email banning me for life. I'm so up set, lol. Most dating sites just want your money. They could care less if you ever find a "date". They use every trick in the book to keep you on their site or to get you to sign up. Also, if you do sign up to one, use a debit card and not a credit card or bank account. Some are very difficult to cancel out of and with a debit card you just don't put money on it. Done deal. There are a few sites that may be "reasonably" honest. You may get 1 in 100 is an actual person. The rest of them 1 in 10,000.


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## unsure78

Sndeng I had a much different experience with OLD, it was actually fairly positive. I was on and off one paid site for approximately 2 yrs post D. I was able to average one date every one to two weeks. I was never stood up and only had one "bad" date in two years time from OLD. Granted, I got lots creepy emails but thoes were easy to ignore and only respond too thoes who presented themselves in a respectable manner.


----------



## arbitrator

unsure78 said:


> Sndeng I had a much different experience with OLD, it was actually fairly positive. I was on and off one paid site for approximately 2 yrs post D. I was able to average one date every one to two weeks. I was never stood up and only had one "bad" date in two years time from OLD. Granted, I got lots creepy emails but thoes were easy to ignore and only respond too thoes who presented themselves in a respectable manner.


* If you really don't mind me asking, what online dating site did you use?*


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## unsure78

I was on match


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## EnjoliWoman

arbitrator said:


> * All that this really proved to me was that this gal has the marked potential to be crazier than a peach orchard sow!
> *


I have never heard that saying, and I grew up around a lot of peach orchards - that cracked me up.


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## Tulanian

So, a woman looking for an excuse to get her clothes off with you is...bad, right? (j/k)


----------



## Tulanian

SamuraiJack said:


> "my children come first. They are the center of my world."
> Translation: I'm not really ready to date but Im using my kids as an excuse.
> 
> "No players."
> Translation: I'm gullible.
> 
> "I'm drama free"
> Translation: I have more drama than TNT.
> 
> I have had FAR too many phone dates where the women have told me they are naked towards the end.
> 
> "I just got a new tatoo!"
> Translation: Im just looking for an excuse to get my clothes off with you.
> 
> ...and the list goes on and on...


So, a woman looking for an excuse to get her clothes off with you is...bad, right? (j/k)>



SamuraiJack said:


> I signed up for four different places and EVERY one of them matched me with my ex wife.
> 
> Sigh.


Wow, I used to wonder if my ex and I made profiles for something like Match.com, would the system pair us off? Or would we be incompatible under their formula?


----------



## Tulanian

My pet peeves:

1) Women whose pictures radiate serious crazy

2) The fact that every woman these days seems to love travel, outdoor activities, dancing and exploring the city. It's like they've cloned themselves.

3) People who express overt hostility to geeks ("no comic book nerds" or "no video games" etc.)

4) people who flaunt their social hangups ("no AA please" etc.)

5) Never having any idea what people see or think when they read my profile

Just for ****s and giggles, here's my OKC profile: https://www.*******.com/profile/jedilaw


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## coffee4me

Tulanian said:


> Just for ****s and giggles, here's my OKC profile: https://www.*******.com/profile/jedilaw


I enjoyed reading that, thanks for sharing. Do you do well with that profile?


----------



## VermisciousKnid

Interesting. Your TAM profile says "separated" and your ******* profile doesn't give a relationship status. Assuming that most people would want know that you are separated, leaving it out is deceptive. 

Some of your profile is funny. Overall it's trying too hard in my opinion. 

Brevity is the soul of wit.


----------



## Tulanian

coffee4me said:


> I enjoyed reading that, thanks for sharing. Do you do well with that profile?


Thanks! It's hard to say. I'm definitely not flooded with people visiting my profile, but I'd say out of the women I've contacted I've gotten responses from maybe 1 or two out of 10. I have actually met and gone out with two women through OLD, but that was a while back. I stopped using it for over a year.



VermisciousKnid said:


> Interesting. Your TAM profile says "separated" and your ******* profile doesn't give a relationship status. Assuming that most people would want know that you are separated, leaving it out is deceptive.
> 
> Some of your profile is funny. Overall it's trying too hard in my opinion.
> 
> Brevity is the soul of wit.


My TAM profile hadn't been updated since we first split. The divorce is now final. I've changed it. And as I recall I say either single or divorced on OKC, both of which are accurate. 

As for trying too hard, I write a lot and I write very quickly. Brevity isn't really my thing. No doubt there are any number of OKC users who are turned off by that quality.


----------



## joannacroc

SamuraiJack said:


> "my children come first. They are the center of my world."
> Translation: I'm not really ready to date but Im using my kids as an excuse.
> 
> "No players."
> Translation: I'm gullible.
> 
> "I'm drama free"
> Translation: I have more drama than TNT.
> 
> I have had FAR too many phone dates where the women have told me they are naked towards the end.
> 
> "I just got a new tatoo!"
> Translation: Im just looking for an excuse to get my clothes off with you.
> 
> ...and the list goes on and on...


I am learning - I would probably have put some sort of disclaimer about my kids coming first so that if hypothetical man is looking for a party girl/someone who will consider them their only priority, then they know we're probably not compatible and move on. But I think that is mentioned by a few people as a negative, so maybe one day when I have a profile of my own again, I'll leave that off?


----------



## joannacroc

Rowan said:


> Yeah, I typically get a lot more interest when the weather is bad. Want to really see your inbox get flooded? Try a long holiday weekend with bad weather......
> 
> 
> Fresh from checking my new matches this morning:
> 
> - Fellas, every man needs someone in their life who will tell them if they look like a seriously unhinged psychopath in every single one of their profile pictures. If you don't have such a person, _go find one_. And get them to take pictures of you that don't include that wild-eyed creepy stare that seems to convey a desire to suck the viewer's soul out through the photograph. Just sayin'.
> 
> - Three profile pictures, all of beautifully plated gourmet food. Not a single picture of the guy whose profile I was reading. :scratchhead:
> 
> - One guy who answered the first three questions - What are you most passionate about? What do you like to spend your leisure time doing? What are you most thankful for? - all with the phrase "havign sex" (sic). If that's what you're after, why pay for an account at eHarmony? POF, Tinder, even Craigslist, are all free...... And for pity's sake, run it through a spell-checker!!!


Your post made me laugh so hard. Funny lady!

I sometimes commit typo atrocities, but those responses are so very sad. Spellcheck's ancestor, the dictionary, wants some love. Good grammar and spelling make me smile.


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## Jane139

I don't have kids, but if a person states they have kids, I just assume they obviously "come first" (whatever that really means.) I mean kids always do, don't they, lol? Which is partly why I never had any, maybe. But if you are on a dating site, you must think you have time for both, or why be there? Stating outright that they come first comes off as kind of hostile to me, like a warning that no one can plan on getting close. Jmo


----------



## devotion

unsure78 said:


> I was on match


Same experience for my fiancee, she was on match for about 1.5 years and told me she didn't have any bad dates (nothing really panned out) or anything to complain about in her interactions at all. Her rules was she never messaged anyone (its nice to be a girl in online dating) and she only had one picture on her profile and a very short (2 paragraph) description. If she liked the person that messaged her, and they asked to meet, she would meet. She kept it to no more than two first dates a month, and sometimes she would just skip a month or two (the last part I don't get, since she was paying for match.com as a subscription)

I found ******* and POF useless, but since I met my fiancee about 2 weeks into Match, I guess it worked for me too.


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## Jane139

Lol I got two messages today...one deactivated his account since emailing me and the other has such a convoluted sentence as his profile (one sentence profile) that I can't even get what he is saying. This is on 2Mingle, a free site. I have had 30-some messages in a month or so, some seemed okay but not ready to meet yet. But men, PLEASE use spellcheck or have someone read over your (tiny) profiles, FGS. Biggest turn-off for me is totally horrible spelling when there is no excuse for it anymore.


----------



## arabian

- Short women who are after "tall men"

- Women who include their heels height as part of their normal height

- Ones with picture of them and their cat/dog

- Job : other (read am unemployed)

- Those with a high school qual or 2yr diploma looking for a professional

- Fat ones with face shot looking for Brad Pitt look a like

- The mind games


----------



## Ynot

I a is just me and I don't know if this would be considered a pet peeve, an observation or a rant, but OLD itself is just something I find to be an issue.
We live in a world of instant gratification. How many divorces and affairs are the result of the pie in the sky advertisements on TV and the web? How many non-marital relationships never get off the ground or fall apart on the basis of "there IS something better out there"
We are bombarded with messages about finally finding our one true love, finally meeting that special some one, of a perfect future full of holding hands at sunset. Pics of beautiful people, living beautiful lives. The ads cater to our insecurities, our expectations and our desires.
I am simply blown away by the sheer numbers of participants in the whole process. But then I am equally amazed at the sheer number of people who would rather engage in the false reality of Facebook than participate in life itself.
OLD is much the same. I understand it is people selling themselves by presenting the best possible face to the world. 
I just feel the whole thing creates false expectations based on fantasy. 
I realize I am new to the whole process, and as I said I am blown away at the sheer numbers. 
But the whole thing makes me wonder if my expectations of life are out of tune with the present day reality.
Maybe I am wrong, maybe life is about instant gratification and having fun. Maybe I am just cynical.


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## Rowan

I look at online dating as a means to meet new people from outside of my own current social circles. I live in a small town in a mostly rural area. I already know all the available single men in about a 30 mile radius, and either I or they are not interested. I wouldn't be hitting the singles bar scene even if there were such a thing in my area. Online dating is a way to meet new guys. 

I have no illusions that online dating is some magical means to instant gratification or that simply by using it, all my fantasies will come true. Perhaps that's because I have no real fantasies about meeting my soul mate, as I don't believe in soul mates. So far, I've had a mostly pleasant experience with online dating sites. But I have no thought that it does anything other than provide the possibility for introductions to people I might not otherwise have met.


----------



## Jane139

Yeah, you can't put your whole faith and hope into OLD...it is just one more way to potentially meet people. Some people take it way too seriously or pin all of their hopes on it. It is not for everyone (including, possibly me) but it is a harmless option as long as you are careful. And if you keep your personal info and address private, you never have to deal with a person again if you meet someone and really do not want them in your life.


----------



## tech-novelist

BlueWoman said:


> I don't mind them mentioning their religion or that they are Christian...because then I know we are not compatible. Save us both time.
> 
> But that brings me to another pet peeve...not reading my profile.
> 
> I have a statement on all my profiles that say I don't want anyone who gets their news from fox.
> 
> Some people who aren't political woudn't pay much attention to that...and that's fine.
> 
> But I actually had a guy contact me, who mentions in his profile that he supports and is active in the tea party. I actually have to point out to him that there was no way we would be compatible.


Actually there are a lot of people in the Tea party who don't get their news from Fox, so maybe you should add a specific objection to the Tea party to your profile.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

coffee4me said:


> I enjoyed reading that, thanks for sharing. Do you do well with that profile?


Ditto. The question, too.

See, I'm not witty or amusing enough to write something like that but I have responded to profiles like that. I'd email something honest and simple that acknowledge I read it, such as "I mean, who DOESN'T like Phineas and Ferb?" It actually is one of the few cartoons I could tolerate. Sponge Bob is limited to one episode (my daughter knows she's only allowed one!) After that the utter nonsense drives me batty.

It's hard to get who you are across to others. As was noted, mine sounds like everyone else. But I'm NOT like anyone else. Everyone who enjoys travel - I would enjoy staying in a cinderblock bungalow on a Greek island where I think most people when they say travel mean to the beach for the weekend. No, I mean hiking through Mayan ruins. REALLY exploring and learning. But since I"m not good at it, I threw in the towel. Besides, when I was 35 I got LOTS of replies from 40-50y/o men. Now at 47 I get 20-somethings who think I'm a desperate cougar or the 60y/os who THINK they can hang. 95% can't.


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## gouge_away

Just for the hell of it.
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=97467044


----------



## coffee4me

gouge_away said:


> Just for the hell of it.
> http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=97467044


Your profile was interesting. There were things I liked and things I think come off slightly negative. Thank you for sharing. 

Do you get a lot of responses?


----------



## coffee4me

EnjoliWoman said:


> Now at 47 I get 20-somethings who think I'm a desperate cougar or the 60y/os who THINK they can hang. 95% can't.


Same experience with many of my friends who are trying to find someone online. It's like a 45-55 year old woman is completely off the radar of men in their age group.


----------



## gouge_away

coffee4me said:


> Your profile was interesting. There were things I liked and things I think come off slightly negative. Thank you for sharing.
> 
> Do you get a lot of responses?


Its hidden, I just made it a couple days ago.


----------



## coffee4me

gouge_away said:


> Its hidden, I just made it a couple days ago.


Your pics are good, handsome. I didn't care for the very first sentence being what you are NOT seeking. I like profiles where people state what they ARE looking for and don't lead with a list of NOT and DON'T those words are not open and inviting to me.


----------



## gouge_away

Oh lol, I only created it because of this thread, I'm not into dating right now... I want to wait till my D is settled. Then I'll unhide and remove that line

What else sticks out as negative?


----------



## coffee4me

Under integrity. The first sentence sounds preachy. The second sentence is gold. Perhaps switch the 2 sentences so you lead with the positive.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

coffee4me said:


> Same experience with many of my friends who are trying to find someone online. It's like a 45-55 year old woman is completely off the radar of men in their age group.


Yup. That's exactly how I feel - invisible. Which is funny because now I'm able to date with a more independent daughter; I'm in better shape than I was 10 years ago, I'm more confident and financially secure.

My good friend who recently left her husband is about my size (different shape; not better or worse) and face is less attractive has no kids at home but is 10 years younger - she has more dates a week than I can keep up with PLUS a FB who is 28. She just leaves the keys for him if he's in town. At first I thought WTF? what's wrong with me but then I did a gut check - I don't WANT that. I don't want shallow dating and FB/FWB. She's just going through with all of the dates I wouldn't back at that age.

So my pet peeve is men who don't want women their own age. I'm constantly told I look 10 years younger than I really am. People are amazed when I tell them. I FEEL young. I want to get up and MOVE and DO. I still work hard and play hard and dance and sing and know current music. I don't want the 55-year old who can't understand anything besides the music he grew up with or the 'kids nowadays'; who has his scotch after dinner in front of the news before bed, movie and dinner on Saturday and Sunday consisting of beer, cookouts and football in his recliner.

They are NOT on match. Hence more meetups.


----------



## gouge_away

EnjoliWoman said:


> I don't want the 55-year old who can't understand anything besides the music he grew up with or the 'kids nowadays'; who has his scotch after dinner in front of the news before bed, movie and dinner on Saturday and Sunday consisting of beer, cookouts and football in his recliner.
> 
> They are NOT on match. Hence more meetups.


See, and I aspire to be the 55 yr old man that has his Johnny Walker in front of the news every night before bed, and wakes up to a newspaper and Macanudo...


----------



## EnjoliWoman

That's too young to be acting like an old retired man. Unless the rest of the day is spent doing something fun and/or interesting!


----------



## coffee4me

gouge_away said:


> See, and I aspire to be the 55 yr old man that has his Johnny Walker in front of the news every night before bed, and wakes up to a newspaper and Macanudo...


I would so rather be with a 55 year old man that tires himself (and me) out with an orgasm every night before bed and wakes up to have coffee with me on the back porch while we debate the topics in the morning paper. Hey, I should write that in a profile.  

Of course that 55 year old wants a 45 year old woman  at 48 I'm too old for him.


----------



## Ikaika

coffee4me said:


> I would so rather be with a 55 year old man that tires himself (and me) out with an orgasm every night before bed and wakes up to have coffee with me on the back porch while we debate the topics in the morning paper. Hey, I should write that in a profile.
> 
> Of course that 55 year old wants a 45 year old woman  at 48 I'm too old for him.



48 is a child 

I will be 55 this November... I'm not about retire to some recliner with a scotch drink in hand. Although, no reason for me to be here since I don't need a dating profile. But, if I had to, she would have to keep up with me.


----------



## gouge_away

EnjoliWoman said:


> That's too young to be acting like an old retired man. Unless the rest of the day is spent doing something fun and/or interesting!


Chasing 35-45yo single women


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## Jane139

I am a 55-yr old female and am getting emails from mostly younger men...which makes me feel uncomfortable. I am not looking for a younger man, my profile is not at all geared toward younger men, I list 52-65 in my preference. I would not have any idea what to say to a 40-year old (or younger, in some cases.) i don't want to date men who have young kids at home, for one thing. Also, I don't understand why they would want to date a much older woman. I don't want to be anyone's mommy, lol. Then I get the other end, men well into their seventies. Not sure how clear I need to be.


----------



## gouge_away

Men don't want to date their own age apparently.


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## Chuck71

I have listed in all of my profiles "wants children" yet 90% who send initial message.... are 45 and up,

have "does not want children," or "undecided / open" on their profile.

When I inquire about possibility of children down the road if...........

I get "I had a hysto 15 years ago." OK..... what's with the undecided / open on your profile? WTF??


----------



## coffee4me

Chuck may I ask how old you are?


----------



## gouge_away

Chuck71 said:


> "I had a hysto 15 years ago." OK..... what's with the undecided / open on your profile? WTF??


Sometimes 'undecided/open' means: would consider dating somebody who has children.


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## HeartbrokenW

I read gouge ' s profile.. noticed he lived extremely close... then realized my son is older than he is. When did I get old?


----------



## moco82

The first 5-8 pages of this thread make it sound like the competition is so weak that online dating for a regular well-to-do guy is like fishing with dynamite.

Ladies, what % of the total do the profiles with pet peeves make up?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moco82 said:


> The first 5-8 pages of this thread make it sound like the competition is so weak that online dating for a regular well-to-do guy is like fishing with dynamite.
> 
> Ladies, what % of the total do the profiles with pet peeves make up?


Of ALL profiles? Pretty high. But on match, the 10 matches I was sent daily, I would say some days none of them, but most days 1 or 2, some odd days 3 or 4. So on average, 80% of my matches were a "no". However, some of those had no photo so had they posted one, the rejects due to "peeves", which include lack of photo, might be lower. 

What's very strange, though, is when I just did a search using the criteria from my preferences, where you get the "____% match" noted under the photo/user name, I often see higher match percentages than the 10 daily matches. I wonder if more active members are pushed more, or if they only match with paying members? Or maybe the reverse is true so the non-paying members get those emails that say "someone is interested; start your paid membership today!"

Although it can work, I think match has gotten more 'scammy' lately. It's hard to believe that I'll send 5 emails (short, introductory, 2/3 lines with a question) and might get a response to ONE. There's no way to tell who is a paid member who can respond and I'm very sure they use some fake profiles to lure people in. That's not marketing, that's dishonest.


----------



## Chuck71

gouge_away said:


> Sometimes 'undecided/open' means: would consider dating somebody who has children.


Do you have children
Do you want children

Seems self explanatory to me....


----------



## moco82

Women experience problems with fake profiles too? The reason I abandoned dating sites years ago was the extremely low percentage of actual women among the profiles.


----------



## Ynot

Enjoli Woman touched upon something that seems prevalent on some of these sites, "The "someone is interested in you" messages.
But you can't see who is actually interested unless you sign up, upgrade your membership, or somehow pay up/or pay more.
I get emails all the time "some one favorite you - click here to see" then if you click the link it will say "the profile you are looking for is unavailable" Yet when they send your daily matches you can look at profile summaries on most sites. There is definitely some preying that goes on with OLD, by the OLD sites themselves.
Another pet peeve is the shot gun approach some of the sites use to gather your "matches". So you say you want XYandZ but their "matches for you include XYand Z plus PDand Q, ABand C and any other combination they are able to dredge up for you. Want someone with 25 miles? Here is some one from over 300 miles away! And that is just the geographic aspect of it, it doesn't even begin to touch on some of your preferences. Never smoke? Here is a regular smoke! Looking for a non-religious person? Here is your hard core Bible thumping zealot!


----------



## Chuck71

EnjoliWoman said:


> Of ALL profiles? Pretty high. But on match, the 10 matches I was sent daily, I would say some days none of them, but most days 1 or 2, some odd days 3 or 4. So on average, 80% of my matches were a "no". However, some of those had no photo so had they posted one, the rejects due to "peeves", which include lack of photo, might be lower.
> 
> What's very strange, though, is when I just did a search using the criteria from my preferences, where you get the "____% match" noted under the photo/user name, I often see higher match percentages than the 10 daily matches. I wonder if more active members are pushed more, or if they only match with paying members? Or maybe the reverse is true so the non-paying members get those emails that say "someone is interested; start your paid membership today!"
> 
> Although it can work, I think match has gotten more 'scammy' lately. It's hard to believe that I'll send 5 emails (short, introductory, 2/3 lines with a question) and might get a response to ONE. There's no way to tell who is a paid member who can respond and I'm very sure they use some fake profiles to lure people in. That's not marketing, that's dishonest.


EW.... see when the last time they were on-line. Anytime it says active within 3+ weeks 

usually means they are no longer a paying member. 3+ weeks is what will show on your profile

as last active whether you were 3 weeks earlier or 6 months. 

When you send a message, you should be able to go to sent to see the date you sent email and

you should see "read notification." As in..... was message read.

Since Match will send you a notice to your non-Match email you

received a message AND you can read it there..... some read your message and never "open" it

in Match inbox.

Match has a great deal of scams. Their customer support is horrid. They want your $ and after that....

GFY. Well until your subscription runs out. Then you become "popular" again.

Y'know.... like our opinions are considered valid.... near election day by the politicians. After the election...

they couldn't care less.

This is my 1st time on Match..... very disappointed. Given the fact I am a reporter.....

after my Match experience has concluded.... I plan on sharing my "experience"


----------



## coffee4me

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yup. That's exactly how I feel - invisible.
> 
> So my pet peeve is men who don't want women their own age. I'm constantly told I look 10 years younger than I really am. People are amazed when I tell them.
> 
> They are NOT on match. Hence more meetups.


I met with one of my meetup groups yesterday. The 2 friends that are dating someone met them out volunteering or doing activities. The 3 that were on OLD have given up and decided, like you to be more active in meetup. We set a date to go "hang out" in a week. 

The number one criteria men seem to search OLD with is age and I see its a big hindrance to meeting someone at our age. If a man sees me out usually they have no idea of my age. 

I was looking at my friends yesterday thinking how can these smart, attractive, financially stable women be invisible? I sat there trying to figure out a solution, there's a business idea in here somewhere


----------



## gouge_away

My father is 59, he does not and will not date. Actually he tried to convince me to give up on women altogether, and couldn't understand why I would conceive of the idea of meeting somebody after D.

My thought is that he has too much he wants and wants to do before inviting a woman into his life. In the past 2 years he has bought 4 harleys, a 4 wheeler, loads of high end electronics, and a p.o.s. 55 Chevy pickup he plans on planing to restore.

I'd rather settle down with a nice woman, raise our blended family, do baseball, football, track, band for the kids, and steal dad's bikes for a weekend getaway.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

coffee4me said:


> I met with one of my meetup groups yesterday. The 2 friends that are dating someone met them out volunteering or doing activities. The 3 that were on OLD have given up and decided, like you to be more active in meetup. We set a date to go "hang out" in a week.
> 
> The number one criteria men seem to search OLD with is age and I see its a big hindrance to meeting someone at our age. If a man sees me out usually they have no idea of my age.
> 
> I was looking at my friends yesterday thinking how can these smart, attractive, financially stable women be invisible? I sat there trying to figure out a solution, there's a business idea in here somewhere


That's exactly why I'm going the meet-up route. I have less opportunity to screen because I will only participate every other weekend but I at least go home having had some fun doing something social or active. 

While OLD might be good for some ages, regions or casual relationships, it has definitely changed in 10 years for me.


----------



## coffee4me

gouge_away said:


> I'd rather settle down with a nice woman, raise our blended family, do baseball, football, track, band for the kids, and steal dad's bikes for a weekend getaway.


I think that's exactly what you should be doing at your age. I can understand how your dad feels but I think it must get lonely at times. 

I became single at 45 and with a teenage son had no desire to blend my kids with another family. It was the right decision but it does get lonely sometimes.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Chuck71 said:


> Do you have children
> Do you want children
> 
> Seems self explanatory to me....


Yeah, but on the other hand, you don't know WHY she had a hysterectomy. Sometimes it's a health issue and a woman is OK with not having any of her own children but likes the idea of being a part-time Mom. Or is open to adoption. Or maybe was pressed into a hysterectomy by a partner who was absolute on his stance on children. So even if she can't have her own, maybe the 'undecided' means it isn't a cut/dried topic for her.


----------



## HeartbrokenW

coffee4me said:


> I think that's exactly what you should be doing at your age. I can understand how your dad feels but I think it must get lonely at times.


I'm more gouge's dad's age.. and from this side of the coin, I'd like have someone to do things with, but then afterwards, he can go to his home and I can go to mine. Everyone's happy


----------



## gouge_away

HeartbrokenW said:


> I'm more gouge's dad's age.. and from this side of the coin, I'd like have someone to do things with, but then afterwards, he can go to his home and I can go to mine. Everyone's happy


Well, when do you want to meet dad?

Lol


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Chuck71 said:


> Do you have children
> Do you want children
> 
> Seems self explanatory to me....


The part I get confused by is that there's more than just the binary aspect of wanting children being yes/no.

Do you already have children yourself?
Do you want to have (more) children of your own?
Are you okay with dating someone who already has children?

If I don't want more children of my own but would be fine dating someone with children, what do I answer?


----------



## Jane139

Lol, I can't with the term "soul mate". 
Especially if they are "loking" for soul mate...


----------



## Chuck71

Jane139 said:


> Lol, I can't with the term "soul mate".
> Especially if they are "loking" for soul mate...


or when one has "LQQKING" for soul mate


----------



## Hoosier

When I intercepted a text from my xwifes now husband, (back then she was my wife and he was a friend of mine or so I thought) and he professed his love and assured her they were Sole Mates!

thanks for reminding me of this.


LOL


----------



## bkyln309

I dont believe in soul mates.


----------



## Rowan

Yep. I see "sole", rather than soul, a lot in profiles. 

:slap:


----------



## Jane139

Sole mate is at least possible...if your feet are identical I guess. But they never describe their feet so how can one know...so confusing.


----------



## moco82

Perhaps "looking for a sole mate" means the seeker prefers monogamy?


----------



## Ynot

moco82 said:


> Perhaps "looking for a sole mate" means the seeker prefers monogamy?


Or they are looking for some one who matches the soles of their shoes as they walk over them?





That's a joke, I am not being bitter:laugh:


----------



## Jane139

Ok a while back I posted about a guy who had been messaging me, he did not have a photo posted. I told him he really should post one, that most women would probably not respond without one. So he had someone take a pic, and he is wearing a camo coat. Which, ugh, unless on active duty military, to me. So I kind of raised my eyebrow, asked him about it, he said it was borrowed as it was raining. Then he posted a new pic, this time in a giant cowboy hat, which is my other ugh. But he seems like a really nice man. I just have these preconceived notions about camo + cowboy gear= not for me, as a rule. But we email back and forth, he is very courteous, though he has little detail in his profile. My profile indicates my interests pretty specifically. So I sort of figure he would not have contacted me if he did not go along with most of what I wrote...or is this being too presumptuous? Do men even bother to read profiles in detail, or just respond to photos? Lol...not sure if I should arrange to meet him. Any suggestions?


----------



## gouge_away

I read and comment on profiles, even if the photos don't peek my interest, sometimes the conversations take it over the top.


----------



## Jane139

OT I finally went on a breakfast date with a man I has been emailing. It was fine. Not a "love connection" but comfortable, and we are doing the same again tomorrow. So at worst, maybe I will have made a friend to have a meal with once in a while.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Might have been said but after reading the children post above..

I get confused when I see a woman who is 45 years old and her profile says wants kids.. 

I get she might be saying I'm okay if you have kids and would be happy to be with a man who has kids.. But I would rather read that on a profile then see that box checked off as it is..

I really do wish people were just clearly honest and just stated what they were looking for and not looking for.. I have seen a few profiles that clearly state I will only date men with children over 18.. Or will not date men with kids under 12.. 

As harsh as that might sound when reading it, I still appreciate it and at least I know NOT to waste my time with this person.

Looking for a "good christian man" while having pics at a bar with drink in hand with several men around you..


----------



## pragmaster

Pet Peeves:

-People who take pictures that hide their body or make them look thinner then they actually are (or just really old pictures).

-People who are there just to chat with no intention of meeting.

-Superficial people with unrealistic standards looking for the "perfect" partner. Fact: we are all imperfect! 

-Time wasters. People who keep cancelling plans to meet when they really aren't being honest and don't actually want to meet. 

-Slow, untrusting fear-based people. Call me naive or arrogant, but I am usually ready to meet someone within 10 minutes of chatting. The profiles usually include all I need to know. Maybe as a guy we don't need to worry about being raped, but you know, ladies, you could always meet in a public spot first or with a friend.

-Not a big fan of the drug filters. I smoke pot, but don't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. I'd like to see a 420 friendly option one day. I don't date women who don't smoke pot. Just a huge turn off for me for many reasons. 

-Not a big fan of the conversations. They always seem to be one sided, dull, and I don't really like that the man has to initiate (well for me it seems I always have to). Online dating is non-traditional, and thus the communication should also be non-traditional, IMO.

-OLD seems to be geared towards insecure people. I have met far more unhealthy people online then I have in person. 

-People who don't know what they want or hypocrites.

-There isn't a filter in religion for shamanism or the occult. It's classified as new age and I don't really like that. Lol. 

-People who have a minimum message filter. Really? What am I going to say? hi my name is...and i really like...and I....pffffft... Look at my profile. It says everything you need to know. You want to get to know me? Let's hang out. Talk is cheap. What exactly are you hoping to read from your dream man? More flattery to appease your ego?


----------



## arbitrator

* I am very slow to react and even slower in approaching some lady online. Just as I might not exactly be some lady's prize catch online, the same could very well be said about them by me!

Pics are the very first thing that I look at because I truly believe in the magic of physical attraction! I loathe pics of a woman with her boobs or half of her a$$ hanging out or even those who are donning negligees! If things work out for us, then we'll get there in the due course of time, but please ~ not in the introductory photos! Also, I hate "selfies," more especially those that so aptly depict a nasty house or an unkempt bathroom!

Because I am educated, I feel that she should be also, or is greatly inclined as such. Communication is so key. The same thing goes for religion because it's rather imperative that we are on the same page there! 

Drugs, pot, and tattoos also bother me for personal reasons that I won't get into but that most people do readily understand! 

The "proof of the pudding" comes in when we banter in written dialogue, albeit emails, text messaging, letters, et. al., because that is where their educational background , religious thoughts, politics, as well as their true personality truly comes out! If they make it that far, then I cannot wait to call them up to hear their voice! If we can successfully talk for a week or so, then I'm more than ready to ask them out!*


----------



## coffee4me

pragmaster said:


> Pet Peeves:
> 
> -People who take pictures that hide their body or make them look thinner then they actually are (or just really old pictures).
> 
> -People who are there just to chat with no intention of meeting.
> 
> -Superficial people with unrealistic standards looking for the "perfect" partner. Fact: we are all imperfect!
> 
> -Time wasters. People who keep cancelling plans to meet when they really aren't being honest and don't actually want to meet.
> 
> -Slow, untrusting fear-based people. Call me naive or arrogant, but I am usually ready to meet someone within 10 minutes of chatting. The profiles usually include all I need to know. Maybe as a guy we don't need to worry about being raped, but you know, ladies, you could always meet in a public spot first or with a friend.
> 
> -Not a big fan of the drug filters. I smoke pot, but don't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. I'd like to see a 420 friendly option one day. I don't date women who don't smoke pot. Just a huge turn off for me for many reasons.
> 
> -Not a big fan of the conversations. They always seem to be one sided, dull, and I don't really like that the man has to initiate (well for me it seems I always have to). Online dating is non-traditional, and thus the communication should also be non-traditional, IMO.
> 
> -OLD seems to be geared towards insecure people. I have met far more unhealthy people online then I have in person.
> 
> -People who don't know what they want or hypocrites.
> 
> -There isn't a filter in religion for shamanism or the occult. It's classified as new age and I don't really like that. Lol.
> 
> -People who have a minimum message filter. Really? What am I going to say? hi my name is...and i really like...and I....pffffft... Look at my profile. It says everything you need to know. You want to get to know me? Let's hang out. Talk is cheap. What exactly are you hoping to read from your dream man? More flattery to appease your ego?



This list is good! It would save a lot of time if it was on a profile. I can tell a lot about compatibility from that list. 

I agree it would be good if there was a 420 friendly option to make smoking more specific. Just like they break down drinking with none or social drinker. I do consider pot a drug so when a guy says he doesn't do drugs but does smoke pot it's a mixed message.


----------



## joannacroc

Boy, I am new to the game, since the last time I dated, OLD was barely a thing.

-Inaccurate info: height seems to be a big one with guys. If I turn up and you are significantly shorter than you listed (like, 1/2 foot), it's mostly the lying that irritates me. Half the time, I probably would have gone out with them if they were shorter than me, but we had something in common, or I got a good vibe while chatting, but lying immediately before we have even met is not a good sign.
-People who don't read my profile before going on a date with me - if you didn't want to date someone with kids, you could easily have read my profile and seen that I have them.
-People who don't ask questions. I like learning about you, but you have to have a mild curiosity about me too, if we're planning a date together, right?
-People who clearly hate kids, but list themselves as being interested in having them someday. If they're not for you, that's cool, say so, and we won't go out. 
-Guys who talk about their money or material stuff a lot. 
-Homophobes, sexist guys, general intolerance evident in a brief profile - really? I can't imagine why you're single.
-Shirtless photos. Even if you are in amazing shape, this reads as very narcissistic. 
-Several photos in profile and ALL of them with a serial killer glare. Not sexy. Creepy. 
-Guys over 10 years my junior. 
-Guys twice my age who message me. 
-Guys who I can see from their photo are at least 15 years older than the age they claim they are.
-Guys with exes in their profile pics.
-Guys who send generic messages that seem copied and pasted.


----------



## Chuck71

Gals who have an entire profile summed up in two words.... "ask me"

If that is how much you put into a dating profile, to me that is how much she will put into a relationship


----------



## SARAHMCD

Forgot about this one. Men do this all the time. "I'm not good at this. Just ask me anything you want to know."
Really foretells how much effort they are going to make in dating.


----------



## Chuck71

Total agreement..... if a guy can't take an evening to construct a profile, he doesn't care to

take the time to know you


----------



## Jane139

If they don't bother with a profile, I figure they won't read mine either, and just go by photos, looking for a hook-up. And if they don't even post a pic, well, really? How much interest do they expect with no pic and no info?


----------



## pleasecoffee

my biggest issue, which I noticed lately, is guys with wedding photos. Yes they can be groomsmen, but when I see a single shot of a guy in a tux with a flower pinned to the jacket, I automatically think "so the best photo you have is your wedding photo?"


----------



## Rowan

pleasecoffee said:


> my biggest issue, which I noticed lately, is guys with wedding photos. Yes they can be groomsmen, but when I see a single shot of a guy in a tux with a flower pinned to the jacket, I automatically think "so the best photo you have is your wedding photo?"


There's a reason many dating sites offer a "caption" feature for the profile pictures users post. More folks should take advantage of them. 

I agree that wedding photos can be a bit off-putting. Is that his wedding photo or just a nice shot of him from when he acted as best man in his brother's wedding a couple months ago? Is the lovely bride hanging on his arm his now-ex-wife, or his sister/niece/cousin/friend? If a guy uses a picture of himself obviously involved in a wedding he should, at least briefly, explain the circumstances.


----------



## Wolf1974

pleasecoffee said:


> my biggest issue, which I noticed lately, is guys with wedding photos. Yes they can be groomsmen, but when I see a single shot of a guy in a tux with a flower pinned to the jacket, I automatically think "so the best photo you have is your wedding photo?"


This is a mistake of course but could also be a sign, good or bad, that they are still new to dating after a divorce. When I divorced I had almost no photos of myself, why cause I was on the one taking all the pictures because my x wanted it that way. I think my first online profile had a single pic I took of myself the day I made the profile. Now I have tons of photos but after breakup not so much. 

It certainly would help guys and girls to have their profile reviewed by the opposite sex prior to posting them


----------



## Lotsofpatience

Ugh!! OLD was the worst!!! I had a 'three question' rule on those. If I asked 3 questions to get to know you and you didn't ask one about me after those three, I gave up. 
Ex: me: Good afternoon! I see you like photography. Where was the best place for you to photograph? 
Him: Beach at Brookings, Or was nice. Me: I've been there. It is beautiful. Do you do strictly nature photography?
Him: i do still life and portraits also.
Me: That sounds fascinating. What else do you enjoy?
Him: Long trips, swimming, and motocross. 

Can you imagine an actual date after this???


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lotsofpatience said:


> Ugh!! OLD was the worst!!! I had a 'three question' rule on those. If I asked 3 questions to get to know you and you didn't ask one about me after those three, I gave up.
> Ex: me: Good afternoon! I see you like photography. Where was the best place for you to photograph?
> Him: Beach at Brookings, Or was nice. Me: I've been there. It is beautiful. Do you do strictly nature photography?
> Him: i do still life and portraits also.
> Me: That sounds fascinating. What else do you enjoy?
> Him: Long trips, swimming, and motocross.
> 
> Can you imagine an actual date after this???


I've had lots. Usually at that point I would just get quiet. See if they lob a question back at me or launch into talking more about themselves. Sometimes its just nerves on their part and/or inexperience in dating.


----------



## bkyln309

My new favorite peeve. I just put up a new profile so I could chat with an old friend. IT just had a picture of me. No description in any field of the profile. Its all blank. 

I get a message from two different guys that they were riveted by my profile. That we are so much alike. 


LOL.


----------



## Jane139

Kind of OT...

I must have set up an account on one place I forgot about and now I see I have 80 messages...but have to pay to read them...should I?? Would you folks? I could do the $29 and then cancel after I read them, I guess.


----------



## Chuck71

If they're over 2 weeks old, I wouldn't. If the ones who sent email are not paying members either,

it will be for naught. 

LotsofPatience.... that is a good call. At the least the receiver should apply the same question

to the sender. Receive a ?, reply, ask them a ?. Make it generic at first so they can take it in any

direction they want. The pointed ?s are for phone chat......


----------



## Jane139

I can't tell how old they are. And I am getting more each day this week.


----------



## Chuck71

Jane.....what site is it from? How long ago were you a paying member? If it is Match... I think I know

their tactics. EHarm..... no clue but I would bet a truckload of cash it is the same as Match.

Check the dates of the emails not on the site but the additional copy they send your personal email.


----------



## Jane139

Seems to be called "SeniorPeopleMeet"?
I guess it could be a ploy to get you to pay...probably half are from the site?


----------



## Chuck71

Most will flood you with emails if you only make a profile and if your subscription expires.

If you're not a paying member, their top priority is to make you a paying member.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

bkyln309 said:


> My new favorite peeve. I just put up a new profile so I could chat with an old friend. IT just had a picture of me. No description in any field of the profile. Its all blank.
> 
> I get a message from two different guys that they were riveted by my profile. That we are so much alike.
> 
> 
> LOL.



"I'm so blank and empty!"

Nice of them to tell you right up front how shallow and meaningless they are!


----------



## Hardtohandle

coffee4me said:


> I think that's exactly what you should be doing at your age. I can understand how your dad feels but I think it must get lonely at times.
> 
> I became single at 45 and with a teenage son had no desire to blend my kids with another family. It was the right decision but it does get lonely sometimes.


See everyone is different.. I'm currently 48 and I think it's important for my kids to see me with someone.. I am NOT looking to force it, but I think they need to know that marriages and relationships do work out.. Granted my issues are different in the sense that their mom practically abandon them.. 

I hate when people cannot be honest on their profiles.. Simple RL example. ExGF on POF, states she is 39 when she is actually 42 on the road to 43.. 

How do you start off anything if you can't be even honest..


----------



## SARAHMCD

Hardtohandle said:


> See everyone is different.. I'm currently 48 and I think it's important for my kids to see me with someone.. I am NOT looking to force it, but I think they need to know that marriages and relationships do work out.. Granted my issues are different in the sense that their mom practically abandon them..
> 
> I hate when people cannot be honest on their profiles.. Simple RL example. ExGF on POF, states she is 39 when she is actually 42 on the road to 43..
> 
> How do you start off anything if you can't be even honest..


Maybe she's just looking for a hookup, not for a LTR. In this case, does it really matter if her age is a few years off? She may look in her late 30s so therefore she wants to be in a man's search for age range 30-39. 

Just sayin'.


----------



## Hardtohandle

SARAHMCD said:


> Maybe she's just looking for a hookup, not for a LTR. In this case, does it really matter if her age is a few years off? She may look in her late 30s so therefore she wants to be in a man's search for age range 30-39.
> 
> Just sayin'.


Nah, she looks like she is in her 40's and it says LTR..


----------



## Chuck71

H2H..... I hope that was the first and last time you read her profile


----------



## Hardtohandle

Chuck71 said:


> H2H..... I hope that was the first and last time you read her profile


Yea.. I'm staying away from the whole website.. One reading was enough.. Trust me..


----------



## Chuck71

H2H..... I recall running into my XWs dating site profiles..... roughly two weeks after we filed

she had four right off the bat....mad? no hurt? I was but I felt mostly pity for her, aka deer in the 

headlights look. Six weeks after D, she wanted me to stay at her place all weekend, she was making one of my 

favorite things, homemade. I even saw UGs a couple months ago... stung a bit but it was somewhat 

humorous and.... mostly fulla schit. Everyone looks the first time..... the curiosity gets the best of everyone

at times.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Chuck71 said:


> H2H..... I recall running into my XWs dating site profiles..... roughly two weeks after we filed
> 
> she had four right off the bat....mad? no hurt? I was but I felt mostly pity for her, aka deer in the
> 
> headlights look. Six weeks after D, she wanted me to stay at her place all weekend, she was making one of my
> 
> favorite things, homemade. I even saw UGs a couple months ago... stung a bit but it was somewhat
> 
> humorous and.... mostly fulla schit. Everyone looks the first time..... the curiosity gets the best of everyone
> 
> at times.


What I have come to learn is that she either really didn't love me that much to be hurt that a week after she is on a dating website again.. 

OR

This is how she reacts to being hurt.. Which I know for a fact is how she reacts.. She already told me even before we broke up that she would fvck other people to forget me.. 

I told her it will take a lot of d!ck to forget mine.. Probably several at the same time, taking turns.. 

But I've come to learn foolishly that people just are not what they say on a profile.. 

Just be honest.. Its not gonna kill you..


----------



## Chuck71

H2H..... people would rather live and claim to be something they wish they were, than face reality.

Reality is a cold bytch sometimes.

When someone like your x gf tells you who they really are.... believe her.

She is an actress, the parts remain the same, just the actors change

People like her ball up in a shell wondering WTF happened to another LTR and to escape the pain.....

find a new actor. What happens then..... wash, rinse, repeat

There is little difference in her and an addict..... she is "chasing that high"


----------



## Chuck71

Fresh from an OKC profile. She emailed me wanting to meet shortly........

"I have a good heart, I am a romantic lady, loyal, sincere woman. My personality is quiet, stable, introspective, calm, honest. My dream is to have a loving family. I am willing to travel across any sea to find true love. I need to belong to one man in the deep blue sea of love. I am loving and caring. Somebody was saying, that an ideal woman should be "like a chef in the kitchen, a lady in the society, and the best one in the bed". I agree. I try that my glamour and femininity should reflect around my home, in the street, in the society. My life is happy, but the missing ingredient is the sharing of love with a true life's partner.I like cinema, theater and to spend my free time playing with a small children. I like to spend time on nature.Appearance for me is not important I want to meet a sincere, kind, serious man. Someone whom I can love, care and support, and who can do the same for me. I don't care about age difference. "

:rofl::rofl::rofl: Really..... notice the broken English, dead giveaway. 

Gimme sum a dat 

Sad thing is.... some guys would fall for this


----------



## Jane139

Ot I finally paid a one-time fee of $29 to read nearly 100 messages. They were real...none from the site. But none that made me want to reply 
About 1/3 without photos!!


----------



## Hardtohandle

Jane139 said:


> Ot I finally paid a one-time fee of $29 to read nearly 100 messages. They were real...none from the site. But none that made me want to reply
> About 1/3 without photos!!


Look I get women hitting me up but none I would be interested in meeting as well. I'm 48 and women whom say are 52 and look 62 and 2 states away are looking to meet me.. 

But the women I want to meet won't even read my message.. 
I get the head turns in the street but I suck at OLD.. I know if I could just talk in person I could get something going.. But it's not gonna happen..

Women hold all the cards in dating or at least OLD..


----------



## SARAHMCD

Grass is not always greener. I'm 48 and have the same problem. Guys my age want 10 years younger. So that leaves me with 58 plus men. Not many that age take great care of themselves. I do. Sure I can get the 35 FB but very few reasonably matched same age ltr. Please dont think women hold all the cards.


----------



## Chuck71

SARAHMCD said:


> Grass is not always greener. I'm 48 and have the same problem. Guys my age want 10 years younger. So that leaves me with 58 plus men. Not many that age take great care of themselves. I do. Sure I can get the 35 FB but very few reasonably matched same age ltr. Please dont think women hold all the cards.


What about the 24 y/o guys who want a MILF? Nothing like "hey baybee wanna gimme sum"

or "you DTF." Or the junk pics...... imagine a female 21-25 on OLD.... look at the little punks they get 

to chose from.

One thing which sets OKC apart from the rest is the con jobs from females in the Far East. And the ones from Hawaii 

they like your profile and ask you pay for them to travel to States to see you. Yeah...sure....ok


----------



## Tulanian

bkyln309 said:


> I dont believe in soul mates.


If they're real, having spent twenty years with my ex-wife, I'm pretty well hosed. If it was anybody, it was her.


----------



## Tulanian

Updated pet peeves:

1. People who answer a certain question one way, but have it set to "unacceptable" if the other person gives the SAME answer.

2. Messages just to criticize the type of things I put in my profile (or, rather, how much)

3. The fact that very few women have answered anywhere near the number of questions I have on OKC, much less taken any of the quizzes. I've answered like 1,450+ questions...

4. How difficult it is to stand out from the crowd but not be freaky or gross. You kind of can't just say "Ladies, I will personally guarantee you at LEAST five orgasms whenever you want them." It just seems pervy.

5. Knowing that I'm one of those users with the cropped headshots who is going to disappoint the hell out of someone when they see me in person. It's especially depressing because I didn't USED to be...


----------



## gouge_away

Women that put Body Type=Average. When you meet them they are huge, and your afraid to point out the obvious, and don't want to seem like a d¡ck for sneaking out. So you start ordering shots, and more shots, and get really sloppy drunk and undesirable.


----------



## Rowan

gouge_away said:


> Women that put Body Type=Average. When you meet them they are huge, and your afraid to point out the obvious, and don't want to seem like a d¡ck for sneaking out. So you start ordering shots, and more shots, and get really sloppy drunk and undesirable.


If the person you meet doesn't do it for you, why not just make it a quick drink, say you appreciate their interest but don't think the two of you are a match, and leave? No need to drink yourself into oblivion or do anything else to make yourself undesirable. Just be honest, but polite about it, and go find something else to do. 

FWIW, I always say my body type is average. I'm 5'7" and 148 pounds. That makes me a size 8-10 depending on brand, which is a medium. I figure medium is sort of the definition of average, being neither large nor small. 

My suggestion is to not date women who don't have full-length pictures and/or recently dated pictures in their profile.


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## gouge_away

I'd say 5'7" 150 is average.
I'm talking 5'2"-5'8", 210-250, not average. I'm not a shallow person, just not expecting the obvious misrepresented body type.


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## Jane139

Tulanian said:


> Updated pet peeves:
> 
> 1. People who answer a certain question one way, but have it set to "unacceptable" if the other person gives the SAME answer.
> 
> 2. Messages just to criticize the type of things I put in my profile (or, rather, how much)
> 
> 3. The fact that very few women have answered anywhere near the number of questions I have on OKC, much less taken any of the quizzes. I've answered like 1,450+ questions...
> 
> 4. How difficult it is to stand out from the crowd but not be freaky or gross. You kind of can't just say "Ladies, I will personally guarantee you at LEAST five orgasms whenever you want them." It just seems pervy.
> 
> 5. Knowing that I'm one of those users with the cropped headshots who is going to disappoint the hell out of someone when they see me in person. It's especially depressing because I didn't USED to be...



I am finding that men are very lazy about filling out their profiles. I never looked at the women, as a female, but less than half of the men who have emailed me bothered to fill out any of it and a quarter do not even have one photo posted. Really?? I am supposed to be interested? Come on, it is competitive out there, you will not get replies without a picture, and at least with me, if you don't fill in the basics at least. And I wish the term "soul mate" was banned lol. I got a message this weekend from a guy who wants to be my "sole mate" (again) and wonders weather (!) or not I am seeking same...please proofread or have a friend do it. It makes one sound not very intelligent when maybe it is autofill or whatever...

Anyway...


----------



## SARAHMCD

gouge_away said:


> I'd say 5'7" 150 is average.
> I'm talking 5'2"-5'8", 210-250, not average. I'm not a shallow person, just not expecting the obvious misrepresented body type.


Do you not see full body pics before meeting? I would think this would be mandatory. It is for me. Of course, they could always send you old photos to mislead you. But you can often tell if that's the case.


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## Rowan

SARAHMCD said:


> Do you not see full body pics before meeting? I would think this would be mandatory. It is for me. Of course, they could always send you old photos to mislead you. But you can often tell if that's the case.


This.

I won't agree to a date with a man who only has close-cropped head shots, or obviously older pictures, or no pictures at all. 

That said, in my experience most men don't bother to really lie about their body type. They lie about their height....but not usually about being overweight. I don't really get it, but I'm not a guy.


----------



## Tulanian

Jane139 said:


> I am finding that men are very lazy about filling out their profiles. I never looked at the women, as a female, but less than half of the men who have emailed me bothered to fill out any of it and a quarter do not even have one photo posted. Really?? I am supposed to be interested? Come on, it is competitive out there, you will not get replies without a picture, and at least with me, if you don't fill in the basics at least. And I wish the term "soul mate" was banned lol. I got a message this weekend from a guy who wants to be my "sole mate" (again) and wonders weather (!) or not I am seeking same...please proofread or have a friend do it. It makes one sound not very intelligent when maybe it is autofill or whatever...
> 
> Anyway...


There's always the other extreme, answering 1400+ questions and taking a slew of tests and quizzes. I've gotten a fair number of people who ask why I'm so wordy in my profile. Um...because I'm wordy?



Rowan said:


> This.
> 
> I won't agree to a date with a man who only has close-cropped head shots, or obviously older pictures, or no pictures at all.
> 
> That said, in my experience most men don't bother to really lie about their body type. They lie about their height....but not usually about being overweight. I don't really get it, but I'm not a guy.


Well, I do use head shots, but my shoulder area is usually in the frame so you get an idea of my size. Looking at the images I picked, you could easily surmise that I don't use full-body shots because, well, I don't like what I see in them. Going from very slim to overweight, I still feel kind of shocked by photos of myself, because it's not how I visualize my self-image. I still see late-20s me, not early-40s me. The last thing I want is to try to "sell" early-40s me online. The buyers aren't my intended clientele, so to speak.

As for honesty, I always put my real height, and I list body type as average...only because I know on average men in the U.S., and especially in my region, tend to be overweight.


----------



## truster

Tulanian said:


> The last thing I want is to try to "sell" early-40s me online. The buyers aren't my intended clientele, so to speak.


You have to meet them eventually, no? What do you expect to happen then.. that the email connection was so strong that they let it ride? I'd wager more than anything that they're twice as mad due to the deception.

If you don't look like how you feel, why not take steps to change that?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

@Tulanian I can tell you most women won't care if you are a little overweight. But they can't tell from shoulders. I went out with a guy who said he was slightly overweight and when I met him he HAD to be 350 and 5'10". And then he talked about a remodeling project he was doing and how his gout was flaring up - ugh! NOT what was represented. 

I have the same problem as sarahmcd. At 47, men my age want someone under 40. Men who are 55+ will approach but they don't have teens still at home like me and aren't as active as I'd like to be. Active men my age, not only do they not want a woman their age, but if they are the least bit active they want the "athletic and fit" body category. And I'm definitely plump but active and getting thinner. I'd love to meet an overweight guy who is active and we can get our plumpness under control doing stuff together!


----------



## Tulanian

truster said:


> You have to meet them eventually, no? What do you expect to happen then.. that the email connection was so strong that they let it ride? I'd wager more than anything that they're twice as mad due to the deception.
> 
> If you don't look like how you feel, why not take steps to change that?


I'm working on that. Usual cycle of depression-adding-weight-increasing-depression-adding-weight. It's going to be a lengthy process, I have about 100lbs to lose if you go by standard BMI equations.

As for deception, I'm not hiding anything. I'm just not using full-length shots as a selling tool. Of the dates I've gone on via OD, most have been fine. One was probably disappointed, and we never had a second date. It's more how I see it than anything else.


----------



## Rowan

EnjoliWoman said:


> [MENTION=53921]I have the same problem as sarahmcd. At 47, men my age want someone under 40. Men who are 55+ will approach but they don't have teens still at home like me and aren't as active as I'd like to be. Active men my age, not only do they not want a woman their age, but if they are the least bit active they want the "athletic and fit" body category. And I'm definitely plump but active and getting thinner. *I'd love to meet an overweight guy who is active and we can get our plumpness under control doing stuff together!*


Sorry, EW, I think I may have snagged the last one of those in the region. He's 49 and a little overweight, but very active and we're working on our health/weight/fitness together. 

And you're right. An active, attractive, emotionally healthy and stable, employed man with no major red flags, who is also looking to date a woman in his own age range is basically a unicorn. I keep running into the ones who are 48 and want to start having babies.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

WHY would anyone want babies at that age??? I'm looking forward to my independence - kiddo off to college in 2 years!

I'm pretty resigned to being single forever or settling for my buddy who isn't even an FB.


----------



## Tulanian

EnjoliWoman said:


> WHY would anyone want babies at that age??? I'm looking forward to my independence - kiddo off to college in 2 years!


I had all of mine by age 31. The plan was when they hit 18 I'd still be young enough to enjoy the rest of my life.It's hit a few snags...


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Tulanian said:


> I had all of mine by age 31. The plan was when they hit 18 I'd still be young enough to enjoy the rest of my life.It's hit a few snags...


Well at least you are OK with women your own age. Although as low as 25 is a bit creepy for a guy your age. Honestly. 20 years younger??? Switch that to 35 unless you want to be a sugar daddy. At LEAST 33.

Over all witty and amusing. SO MANY SEMI-COLONS. Nothing a big deal one way or the other. Except in too many places you mention it's all about her - you come across as either having a white knight syndrome or highly insecure and needing to please too much. I'd take the not-so-subtle reference to giving orgasms out. Creepy again.

Nothing about what you enjoy doing except that you elude it's not what everyone else does. We get it - you are oh so unique. Wait; oh; so; unique. How about list some things you've done the last year. Mardi Gras? Trips, activities, charitable events, etc. All that tells me is you are cute, quirky, possibly amusing and fun, a little too eager to please and probably make a good living. Take it up a notch. 

ETA - you look good with a goatee. A lot of men don't.


----------



## Chuck71

EnjoliWoman said:


> WHY would anyone want babies at that age??? I'm looking forward to my independence - kiddo off to college in 2 years!
> 
> I'm pretty resigned to being single forever or settling for my buddy who isn't even an FB.


Being 44..... I do. Course I have none and didn't make a "bad selection" as my 1st M

it just did not unfold as it was expected.


----------



## Jane139

I am mid-fifties female, no kids, and it surprises me how many 50+ men would consider having a child. 
Why are they on a 50+ dating site?? No woman over fifty is going to get pregnant lol. And even adopting would be unlikely. Plus who wants to have a child you probably won't live to see graduate college and/or begin their adult life? Some of these men are in their sixties. Maybe they think women will be more inclined to message them if they are open to having kids??

But again, this is a site for people over fifty, lol.
I don't even want to see kids, much less have them. I won't even date men if their children are not at least of college age, but that is just my preference. I have never enjoyed spending a lot of time around young children, to be honest. Give me pets any day.

Still...the kids thing is a mystery to me, regarding the site I use.


----------



## Chuck71

Jane139 said:


> I am mid-fifties female, no kids, and it surprises me how many 50+ men would consider having a child.
> *Why are they on a 50+ dating site??* *No woman over fifty is going to get pregnant *lol. And even adopting would be unlikely. Plus who wants to have a child you probably won't live to see graduate college and/or begin their adult life? Some of these men are in their sixties. Maybe they think women will be more inclined to message them if they are open to having kids??
> 
> But again, this is a site for people over fifty, lol.
> I don't even want to see kids, much less have them. I won't even date men if their children are not at least of college age, but that is just my preference. I have never enjoyed spending a lot of time around young children, to be honest. Give me pets any day.
> 
> Still...the kids thing is a mystery to me, regarding the site I use.


Damn good point! LOL I always loved dating older women but in my situation... just ain't gonna 

happen if I want kids. Tough pill to swallow but it is what it is.

Some woman in Germany, couple months back has twins or triplets at the age of 63?

I know it was in her 60's. Maybe they saw the news story too LOL

The oldest female I knew personally who had child (ren) was 44. It was rather recent. Her and H were both

successful and were able to commit each to p/t work or switch as the SAH while other worked FT

Course it makes it easier when they have more money than Christmas items at Wal Mart on 

Black Friday.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I've started an online profile on OKC. If anyone else has been on there, you know there is a huge questionnaire you can complete (or not). I answer honestly about my sexuality and I'm much kinkier and open than most women. I say in my profile I am looking for an LTR - actually I say it in a few places. 

So (1) I get guys sending me notes that are no where near a match and even say they're looking for "someone for the night". Why are they bothering?

(2) More importantly, I started chatting with a guy who seems like a really good fit in terms of our match %, but also education level, availability and accessibility, age appropriate, and he's kind of cute  and in shape. The problem is, he seems fixated on my sexual responses and keeps going on about a woman who finally "gets it" ie. how important sex and passion are to a relationship. That is how I feel and I'll openly state it, but I need a man who gets in my head before he gets in my pants. At one point early on he asked about my hobbies, but that's it. He hasn't asked about my job, my travels, where I'm from (all of which I've alluded to but he didn't pick up on it). He brings it back to flirting and sex and wanting to exchange photos - says he'll leave it up to me to lead and set the bar on how far we take that. 

Then the next morning he says he wants to "move towards a relationship potential" and "I want to see an edgy person finally". He's complained about other dates being very "conservative and uptight". So, potentially, great. 

I've been out of the dating world for quite some time. As a woman, its tough to be honest and open about my sexuality and high drive without guys seeming to think "oh cool, she's easy". That's not what its about at all. I'm actually quite choosy. 

Should I back off on even talking about sex early on? Its a big part of who I am and what I want in a relationship so its seems important to talk about those dynamics. But its not the ONLY thing I want in a relationship. Are there men out there who get that?


----------



## farsidejunky

There are, but I don't think you will appeal to them as much as the players with being that open. 

Sarah, I would just advertise the relationship stuff and meet them for coffee. If there is chemistry, it will lead to that subject entirely on its own.


----------



## Average Joe

I met Mrs. Average online.

What I was really attracted to was the clarity of the writing in her profile ... sharp and witty. I loved it! That was almost 7 years ago. I never thought much about it, but other stuff she's written to me over the years has been pretty unextraordinary. 

She only recently admitted that her best friend wrote the profile


----------



## SARAHMCD

farsidejunky said:


> There are, but I don't think you will appeal to them as much as the players with being that open.
> 
> Sarah, I would just advertise the relationship stuff and meet them for coffee. If there is chemistry, it will lead to that subject entirely on its own.


Hi Far, 
The tricky part is, I'm actually trying to find those interested in a certain relationship dynamic and I allude to it. I've obviously made the hints clear enough because I've had a few D's contact me. They read between the lines in my profile. Unfortunately, no one local yet. I think I'm just going to have to learn how to filter the responses. 

But in terms of this guy, we're scheduled to have a phone conversation tomorrow night and take it from there. I'll probably meet him for coffee or a drink.


----------



## farsidejunky

SARAHMCD said:


> Hi Far,
> The tricky part is, I'm actually trying to find those interested in a certain relationship dynamic and I allude to it. I've obviously made the hints clear enough because I've had a few D's contact me. They read between the lines in my profile. Unfortunately, no one local yet. I think I'm just going to have to learn how to filter the responses.
> 
> But in terms of this guy, we're scheduled to have a phone conversation tomorrow night and take it from there. I'll probably meet him for coffee or a drink.


I know. We have discussed this before in social groups. 



The subtlety may be enough to filter the results some, but you will always have your share of dudes who will say what is needed to get a shot. I speak from personal experience.


----------



## Jane139

SARAHMCD said:


> I've started an online profile on OKC. If anyone else has been on there, you know there is a huge questionnaire you can complete (or not). I answer honestly about my sexuality and I'm much kinkier and open than most women. I say in my profile I am looking for an LTR - actually I say it in a few places.
> 
> So (1) I get guys sending me notes that are no where near a match and even say they're looking for "someone for the night". Why are they bothering?
> 
> (2) More importantly, I started chatting with a guy who seems like a really good fit in terms of our match %, but also education level, availability and accessibility, age appropriate, and he's kind of cute  and in shape. The problem is, he seems fixated on my sexual responses and keeps going on about a woman who finally "gets it" ie. how important sex and passion are to a relationship. That is how I feel and I'll openly state it, but I need a man who gets in my head before he gets in my pants. At one point early on he asked about my hobbies, but that's it. He hasn't asked about my job, my travels, where I'm from (all of which I've alluded to but he didn't pick up on it). He brings it back to flirting and sex and wanting to exchange photos - says he'll leave it up to me to lead and set the bar on how far we take that.
> 
> Then the next morning he says he wants to "move towards a relationship potential" and "I want to see an edgy person finally". He's complained about other dates being very "conservative and uptight". So, potentially, great.
> 
> I've been out of the dating world for quite some time. As a woman, its tough to be honest and open about my sexuality and high drive without guys seeming to think "oh cool, she's easy". That's not what its about at all. I'm actually quite choosy.
> 
> Should I back off on even talking about sex early on? Its a big part of who I am and what I want in a relationship so its seems important to talk about those dynamics. But its not the ONLY thing I want in a relationship. Are there men out there who get that?


By putting your sexual preferences, etc out there...you are bound to attract mem just based on that. My profile states that I am just seeking friends for meals, etc and still I get mail just asking for sex. Imo, a lot of men do online just to try to get sex. You are feeding right into that. I would save the sex part of your personlity for when you are talking or emailing one on one, or you will keep getting men focused on that part of your profile.


----------



## Tulanian

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well at least you are OK with women your own age. Although as low as 25 is a bit creepy for a guy your age. Honestly. 20 years younger??? Switch that to 35 unless you want to be a sugar daddy. At LEAST 33.
> 
> Over all witty and amusing. SO MANY SEMI-COLONS. Nothing a big deal one way or the other. Except in too many places you mention it's all about her - you come across as either having a white knight syndrome or highly insecure and needing to please too much. I'd take the not-so-subtle reference to giving orgasms out. Creepy again.
> 
> Nothing about what you enjoy doing except that you elude it's not what everyone else does. We get it - you are oh so unique. Wait; oh; so; unique. How about list some things you've done the last year. Mardi Gras? Trips, activities, charitable events, etc. All that tells me is you are cute, quirky, possibly amusing and fun, a little too eager to please and probably make a good living. Take it up a notch.
> 
> ETA - you look good with a goatee. A lot of men don't.


When I was 25 I was much older in a lot of ways than most of my peers were. Women generally mature faster than men, so there are potentially women in their late twenties who might be a fit.

That being said, I've typically only interacted with women in their late 30s onward. I've only actually dated women in their 40s.

As for me being "oh so unique" I get what you're saying about the hard sell on that aspect, but here's the thing: I'm a middle-aged Caucasian autistic attorney with ADD who makes Hip-Hop tracks and competes in beat battles; I play multiple instruments; I create 3D computer models for fun; I've been a gamer for more than 35 years, and I'm not stopping just because some folks disapprove of the hobby; I'm a dedicated social liberal who lead a very traditional life until recently; I'm developing a comic book idea of mine; I cook (not mac and cheese, real food); I grew up in the black community; almost all of my long-term friends are black, and my kids are biracial; I'm a liberal arts graduate but I'm very technical (as in scientific); I grew up a very religious Southern Baptist, married a Catholic, and now I'm an agnostic Buddhist leaning towards atheism. In other words, a lot of contradictions and/or things not often seen together in one person. 

That doesn't make me any more of a special snowflake than anyone else but it does mean I'm not going to fit into very many categories, if I fit any at all. I say all that on OKC because a lot of women are looking for more conventional guys into sports and things like that. I'm not at all that, and if that's what someone wants I'm giving fair warning that it isn't me.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Tulanian said:


> When I was 25 I was much older in a lot of ways than most of my peers were. Women generally mature faster than men, so there are potentially women in their late twenties who might be a fit.
> 
> That being said, I've typically only interacted with women in their late 30s onward. I've only actually dated women in their 40s.
> 
> As for me being "oh so unique" I get what you're saying about the hard sell on that aspect, but here's the thing: *I'm a middle-aged Caucasian autistic attorney with ADD who makes Hip-Hop tracks and competes in beat battles; I play multiple instruments; I create 3D computer models for fun; I've been a gamer for more than 35 years, and I'm not stopping just because some folks disapprove of the hobby; I'm a dedicated social liberal who lead a very traditional life until recently; I'm developing a comic book idea of mine; I cook (not mac and cheese, real food); I grew up in the black community; almost all of my long-term friends are black, and my kids are biracial; I'm a liberal arts graduate but I'm very technical (as in scientific); I grew up a very religious Southern Baptist, married a Catholic, and now I'm an agnostic Buddhist leaning towards atheism. In other words, a lot of contradictions and/or things not often seen together in one person. *
> 
> That doesn't make me any more of a special snowflake than anyone else but it does mean I'm not going to fit into very many categories, if I fit any at all. I say all that on OKC because a lot of women are looking for more conventional guys into sports and things like that. I'm not at all that, and if that's what someone wants I'm giving fair warning that it isn't me.


I'd skip the long paragraph of words/semi-colons and use that! (above, bolded)

Maybe it feels too raw to expose what might SEEM like drawbacks but for me it says "never a boring moment!" which is GREAT! Love that honesty. THAT says what you love to do. And one can easily derrive who you are from that eclectic mix of interests, personal relationships/family, and quirks. :smthumbup:

ETA: And the religion aspect I find weeds a lot of incompatibility out, tho in the bible belt it has been a problem. Lots of great men get ruled out for heavy emphasis on religion. I'm happy to go to an Easter service or a Christening, or bow my head at the table at Thanksgiving or at in-laws but that's my limit for being accommodating of someone else's religion. (Well, and simply not discuss WWJD haha)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

SARAHMCD said:


> I've been out of the dating world for quite some time. As a woman, its tough to be honest and open about my sexuality and high drive without guys seeming to think "oh cool, she's easy". That's not what its about at all. I'm actually quite choosy.
> 
> Should I back off on even talking about sex early on? Its a big part of who I am and what I want in a relationship so its seems important to talk about those dynamics. But its not the ONLY thing I want in a relationship. Are there men out there who get that?


By the D hint, do you mean dom/sub? Sorry if you've mentioned that somewhere. You are correct it's a pretty niche sexual preference. But I think after all of the sexless marriage posts on TAM, I get why they are so eager to sexually 'qualify' a woman. On the other hand, I also get where that isn't everything and a guy SHOULD be asking questions about who you are. I'd say that one guy is pretty much focused on sex and not other areas of compatibility.

If I were you, I'd mention in your profile something about compatibility - maybe list some areas like activities, family, religion - the normal stuff, and add sexually, or something along the lines of looking for someone you click with both on a cerebral and physical plane. And then quickly weed on non-doms via email.

Although I haven't come across any fetishes, I do ask pretty early on if they have any sexual quirks or kinks I should know about - I make it flirty and PG-rated but it gives me a chance to know if a guy is into feet, leather, cross dressing or BSDM before I like him!


----------



## truster

SARAHMCD said:


> Should I back off on even talking about sex early on? Its a big part of who I am and what I want in a relationship so its seems important to talk about those dynamics. But its not the ONLY thing I want in a relationship. Are there men out there who get that?


I think when you're into something that isn't that popular (sexual or not), and you find out someone else is into it too, it's exciting to talk about that topic because you rarely get the chance. It could just be this dynamic at play -- and if you were both into caber tossing or German comic books that would dominate the initial conversation too.

So yeah, you're gonna attract creeps who confuse the mention of something sexual with "easy", but TBH I think those people are gonna come anyway. But on the flip side, it's really the best way to also attract normal people who share that niche 'interest' with you, which you want.

I'd just politely bring up the issue -- if the conversation keeps dwelling on it, politely point out "It's great that we have this in common, but it's not the be-all-end-all of what I'm looking for here, so let's put in a pin it for now." If he's a normal but over-eager guy, he'll get it. If not, you'll find out quickly he's a dud and can move on.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I just had a guy send me 4 messages between last night and this morning. Mostly just "hello", "what are you up to?", you get the idea. I look at his profile. He has one word answers in it, says he's looking for something "just for tonight" and has no pictures. 

I start with "I don't think we're looking for the same thing". He responds "but I could be looking for something long term with the right person". I ask him "why no pics and why no profile info?". He responds, "no one reads profiles anyways". So he obviously hadn't read mine - which is pretty specific. 

So how am I supposed to know if I'm interested if he has no pics and no profile? Uggggg.


----------



## SARAHMCD

truster said:


> I'd just politely bring up the issue -- if the conversation keeps dwelling on it, politely point out "It's great that we have this in common, but it's not the be-all-end-all of what I'm looking for here, so let's put in a pin it for now." If he's a normal but over-eager guy, he'll get it. If not, you'll find out quickly he's a dud and can move on.


Great advice!
He's texted me today, said something about wishing we could increase the momentum, and then a few minutes later said he knows he's being a little too eager. Asked me about my past relationship and then pacing (moving at my pace), etc. So he's recognized his actions and I've managed to rein him in, for now.


----------



## Rowan

SARAHMCD said:


> I just had a guy send me 4 messages between last night and this morning. Mostly just "hello", "what are you up to?", you get the idea. I look at his profile. He has one word answers in it, says he's looking for something "just for tonight" and has no pictures.
> 
> I start with "I don't think we're looking for the same thing". He responds "but I could be looking for something long term with the right person". I ask him "why no pics and why no profile info?". He responds, "no one reads profiles anyways". So he obviously hadn't read mine - which is pretty specific.
> 
> So how am I supposed to know if I'm interested if he has no pics and no profile? Uggggg.


I cases like that, I just hit "next". I don't waste time on guys who are too lazy to fill out a profile or post pictures or are clearly just looking to hook up.  I'm not interested enough in _anyone_ to work harder on their profile than they do. Since you're already talking to him, just send him a message saying you're not interested and block him.


----------



## SARAHMCD

EnjoliWoman said:


> If I were you, I'd mention in your profile something about compatibility - maybe list some areas like activities, family, religion - the normal stuff, and add sexually, or something along the lines of looking for someone you click with both on a cerebral and physical plane. And then quickly weed on non-doms via email.


I only allude to the D/s dynamic in my profile (not everyone would pick up on it). Everything else is about compatibility, activities, travels, music, etc. Non sexual. I state quite clearly that I need to connect on a cerebral level first and foremost. 

But in the sex questions I answered pretty honestly. Which I have to assume a lot of women don't (or likely don't answer at all). 

Perhaps a lot of guys just skip to those?


----------



## Tulanian

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'd skip the long paragraph of words/semi-colons and use that! (above, bolded)
> 
> Maybe it feels too raw to expose what might SEEM like drawbacks but for me it says "never a boring moment!" which is GREAT! Love that honesty. THAT says what you love to do. And one can easily derrive who you are from that eclectic mix of interests, personal relationships/family, and quirks. :smthumbup:
> 
> ETA: And the religion aspect I find weeds a lot of incompatibility out, tho in the bible belt it has been a problem. Lots of great men get ruled out for heavy emphasis on religion. I'm happy to go to an Easter service or a Christening, or bow my head at the table at Thanksgiving or at in-laws but that's my limit for being accommodating of someone else's religion. (Well, and simply not discuss WWJD haha)


Thanks for the feedback. I did follow up on your earlier comments and tweak the profile, removing the sex stuff and talking more about what I do. https://www.*******.com/profile/jedilaw


----------



## Tulanian

SARAHMCD said:


> I only allude to the D/s dynamic in my profile (not everyone would pick up on it). Everything else is about compatibility, activities, travels, music, etc. Non sexual. I state quite clearly that I need to connect on a cerebral level first and foremost.
> 
> But in the sex questions I answered pretty honestly. Which I have to assume a lot of women don't (or likely don't answer at all).
> 
> Perhaps a lot of guys just skip to those?


Speaking only for myself, I look first at the overall percentage of compatibility. Then I look at the questions: sex first, then dating, then lifestyle, more if necessary. I don't look at sex first because that's all I want, or all I'm about, but because it was a huge issue in my divorce and I want to avoid anything even remotely similar to what I went through already.


----------



## Jane139

Gosh, maybe I am weird, I am not even thinking about sex, lol. I just came out of my marriage and it was barely a factor during the past several years and I am not about to have sex with someone after only a few dates. Not even thinking about that right now. Just looking for companionshio once in a while. Most of my mail is respectful and want to meet for coffee or a meal. Have only done so once so far. I guess I am not 100% invested in this whole thing yet.

Ot...am getting several messages from men in other countries lately. Anyone else?? I have a 100-mile range as my preference lol.


----------



## Wolf1974

Jane139 said:


> Gosh, maybe I am weird, I am not even thinking about sex, lol. I just came out of my marriage and it was barely a factor during the past several years and I am not about to have sex with someone after only a few dates. Not even thinking about that right now. Just looking for companionshio once in a while. Most of my mail is respectful and want to meet for coffee or a meal. Have only done so once so far. I guess I am not 100% invested in this whole thing yet.
> 
> Ot...am getting several messages from men in other countries lately. Anyone else?? I have a 100-mile range as my preference lol.


That's fine stick to what your comfortable with and let it be known... Just know that online dating is dating on steroids and many people are hooking up the same day the meet. So many have the expectation


----------



## SARAHMCD

Tulanian said:


> Speaking only for myself, I look first at the overall percentage of compatibility. Then I look at the questions: sex first, then dating, then lifestyle, more if necessary. I don't look at sex first because that's all I want, or all I'm about, but because it was a huge issue in my divorce and I want to avoid anything even remotely similar to what I went through already.



Exactly. Me too.


----------



## Tulanian

Jane139 said:


> Gosh, maybe I am weird, I am not even thinking about sex, lol. I just came out of my marriage and it was barely a factor during the past several years and I am not about to have sex with someone after only a few dates. Not even thinking about that right now. Just looking for companionshio once in a while. Most of my mail is respectful and want to meet for coffee or a meal. Have only done so once so far. I guess I am not 100% invested in this whole thing yet.
> 
> Ot...am getting several messages from men in other countries lately. Anyone else?? I have a 100-mile range as my preference lol.


Not weird at all. Your comfort is what matters. As long as no one is getting the wrong expectations, everything should be fine.


----------



## SARAHMCD

For those of you that do online dating, how long do you usually spend emailing or IM'ing someone before actually arranging a face-to-face?

Personally, I want to know a few additional things about them, get a couple of more pics (depending if they didn't include many in their profile), see if we have any shared interests/connection, but I don't want to prolong it. It just seems to put too much pressure on that first date. So for me, 3 or 4 communications back and forth, and maybe one phone call is enough to be asked for a coffee or a drink. 

Otherwise, it seems like a lot of time invested. In my previous experience 9 times out of 10, a first meetup or date doesn't lead to a second. And I'm not looking for a penpal :smile2:


----------



## Tulanian

SARAHMCD said:


> For those of you that do online dating, how long do you usually spend emailing or IM'ing someone before actually arranging a face-to-face?
> 
> Personally, I want to know a few additional things about them, get a couple of more pics (depending if they didn't include many in their profile), see if we have any shared interests/connection, but I don't want to prolong it. It just seems to put too much pressure on that first date. So for me, 3 or 4 communications back and forth, and maybe one phone call is enough to be asked for a coffee or a drink.
> 
> Otherwise, it seems like a lot of time invested. In my previous experience 9 times out of 10, a first meetup or date doesn't lead to a second. And I'm not looking for a penpal :smile2:


For me, usually two or three days to a week. It depends on how busy I am and whether I've been able to focus on the conversations. I'm sort of in the mode to meet as many people as possible with no preconceived expectations. If something clicks, great. If we decide to have some fun, great. If there's no vibe, no problem.


----------



## Tulanian

Rowan said:


> I cases like that, I just hit "next". I don't waste time on guys who are too lazy to fill out a profile or post pictures or are clearly just looking to hook up. I'm not interested enough in _anyone_ to work harder on their profile than they do. Since you're already talking to him, just send him a message saying you're not interested and block him.


What about the opposite extreme? When women come across a guy who has answered a TON of questions and taken a bunch of tests what kind of impression does that make on them? I'm pretty far out there, having answered over 1,400 questions on OKC.


----------



## Rowan

Tulanian said:


> What about the opposite extreme? When women come across a guy who has answered a TON of questions and taken a bunch of tests what kind of impression does that make on them? I'm pretty far out there, having answered over 1,400 questions on OKC.


Honestly, I'm not sure. I've never been on OKC and am not familiar with the setup. But, I actually like that there are lots of questions to answer when setting up a profile on eHarmony. I tend to think it indicates that a guy is perhaps a bit more serious about looking for a relationship (because he's willing to put in the extra effort) than some of the guys I've encountered on Match.


----------



## Chuck71

SARAHMCD said:


> For those of you that do online dating, how long do you usually spend emailing or IM'ing someone before actually arranging a face-to-face?
> 
> Personally, I want to know a few additional things about them, get a couple of more pics (depending if they didn't include many in their profile), see if we have any shared interests/connection, but I don't want to prolong it. It just seems to put too much pressure on that first date. So for me, 3 or 4 communications back and forth, and maybe one phone call is enough to be asked for a coffee or a drink.
> 
> Otherwise, it seems like a lot of time invested. In my previous experience 9 times out of 10, a first meetup or date doesn't lead to a second. And I'm not looking for a penpal :smile2:


When I first got back in the dating scene... it was a week chat, then phone a time or two, meet.

It seemed too drawn out.... then a few days, phone 1-2x, meet.

Now.... if we exchange 7-8 emails / texts on a site in one day, I go ahead and ask for her number.

If she is a bit apprehensive, some are, I give them my # and say block your #. 99% of time, that works.

If she does not want to call me or give out #... I will still message her but will clearly

do so less and less.

Sadly some females just want attention or still think they are in HS, even though they are in their 30s


----------



## SARAHMCD

Tulanian said:


> What about the opposite extreme? When women come across a guy who has answered a TON of questions and taken a bunch of tests what kind of impression does that make on them? I'm pretty far out there, having answered over 1,400 questions on OKC.


The more questions answered the better. I can better see if we're a match. Also, it means you took the time to do them and hopefully that means you're also more discerning about your matches. 1400 is a lot!!! I didn't even know there were that many. I think I'm at about 300.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Chuck71 said:


> When I first got back in the dating scene... it was a week chat, then phone a time or two, meet.
> 
> It seemed too drawn out.... then a few days, phone 1-2x, meet.
> 
> Now.... if we exchange 7-8 emails / texts on a site in one day, I go ahead and ask for her number.
> 
> If she is a bit apprehensive, some are, I give them my # and say block your #. 99% of time, that works.
> 
> If she does not want to call me or give out #... I will still message her but will clearly
> 
> do so less and less.
> 
> Sadly some females just want attention or still think they are in HS, even though they are in their 30s


There are men who seem to do the same thing - want the attention. I don't know if its because they're married, attached, or simply want to get that dopamine rush when they're phone dings with a message from a woman. Or maybe they're multi-dating and want to keep you hanging on in case their current batch doesn't work out. 

There are also men who like to drag out the communication with the thinking that by the time they meet for a first date, the connection is already there so you should be ready to sleep with them. In other words, they take it as skipping dates 1-3 because you know each other so well, now they feel like they're on date 4. When I've asked how do you know there's chemistry if we haven't physically met? They say from photos and how open I am when we chat. I'm learning to now avoid this type. Doesn't work - or RARELY works. 

I'd rather email, see if they're interesting, engaging and intelligent with perhaps a bit of a sense of humor. No yellow or red flags. Then MAYBE a phone call to learn a little more, but I'm not a big phone person. Beyond that, why drag it out more than a week? I always wonder why a guy keeps emailing for 10 days+ with no question of meeting up. At that point, I realize he may not be actually into face-to-face and lose interest. Its like being friend-zoned!


----------



## Chuck71

I don't peruse men's profiles LOL but it is a sure bet guys do similar things as females.

I'd like to think not as bad being the ratio of emails is around 100 / 1 but... it could be. Guys who want to email

or text forever, and as you say, want you to fall in love over the computer.... that screams "married or

living with a girl" and probably one intention..... good bet you know what it is.

OLD is a grid bar, a huge bar. Bars were my thing until I was old enough to get into them legally....

then they were boring. As you say it seems more and more want just options.... to he!! with the quality 

of them, it's all about quantity. To me... it's like eating five steaks @ $3 each. Me... I'd rather save up and get

the one for $15. I 110% get your frustration..... in fact I am about to mix my profiles up....

It will ruffle a few feathers but those are the ones who I do not wish to engage with, anyway.

Once completed, if you're okay about it, I may PM you those and ask brutal feedback.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Sure. Send your profile. I feel like I've read so many that sound almost exactly the same. 
I had a guy just send me a "hello how are you?". I read his profile and couldn't find a single thing to ask about. All he talks about being a great dad and he spends all his free time with his kids. Great. But I don't have kids so we don't share that in common. I'm not saying I wouldn't date someone with kids. But him saying everything he does has to do with them makes me wonder how a new woman would fit into his life. I literally can't think of a response other than "I'm good. How are you?" That just bores me so I won't bother. 

My profile gives lots of little hints and glimpses into who I am. Why do only the extremely rare few ask about them?

I think if both sides took more time to create a profile and read them, they would be more discerning about who they reach out to. Then when they do, they could open with a conversation specifically designed for that person. Quality, not quantity, as you said.


----------



## Jane139

I don't need, nor do I want to answer, hundreds of questions. But I do require a basic profile to be completed by the man...not the "will tell you later" for every basic detail, i.e hair color, height, drink y/n, etc. and forget about the ones without even on picture. I am over fifty, so I know not everyone is into posting pics, but anyone can have a photo taken and get someone to help them post it,, if they plan to use the computer to meet people. And the pics where the person is like two miles away, lol, they crack me up. I don't need a movie star guy, but show a reasonable photo, and answer the minimum questions please. Same for ladies, I assume. This whole process can be stressful enough.


----------



## Chuck71

Jane139 said:


> *I don't need, nor do I want to answer, hundreds of questions.* But I do require a basic profile to be completed by the man...not the "will tell you later" for every basic detail, i.e hair color, height, drink y/n, etc. and forget about the ones without even on picture. I am over fifty, so I know not everyone is into posting pics, but anyone can have a photo taken and get someone to help them post it,, if they plan to use the computer to meet people. And the pics where the person is like two miles away, lol, they crack me up. I don't need a movie star guy, but show a reasonable photo, and answer the minimum questions please. Same for ladies, I assume. This whole process can be stressful enough.


I so agree..... if my profile and pics don't peak their interest, I doubt 50 more Q n A's would


----------



## Chuck71

SARAHMCD said:


> Sure. Send your profile. I feel like I've read so many that sound almost exactly the same.
> I had a guy just send me a "hello how are you?". I read his profile and couldn't find a single thing to ask about. All he talks about being a great dad and he spends all his free time with his kids. Great. But I don't have kids so we don't share that in common. I'm not saying I wouldn't date someone with kids. But him saying everything he does has to do with them makes me wonder how a new woman would fit into his life. I literally can't think of a response other than "I'm good. How are you?" That just bores me so I won't bother.
> 
> My profile gives lots of little hints and glimpses into who I am. Why do only the extremely rare few ask about them?
> 
> I think if both sides took more time to create a profile and read them, they would be more discerning about who they reach out to. Then when they do, they could open with a conversation specifically designed for that person. Quality, not quantity, as you said.


Hello how are you is quite lame. Course I have a few openings which work much better.

I had one female, had "ask me anything" on entire profile, email me with "hi." 

Reply, woman of very few words I see. Her.... ask me anything.

"What is your view of the diplomatic relations between the Democratic Republic of Congo and the guerrilla rebels." No reply.....

I have an extensive profile..... several paragraphs and around ten topics to easily start a chat with.

"Hi".... really... are you that shallow or worse, lazy? I get these mostly from the 28-35 crowd.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I would have cracked up at your question. Then I would have researched it, came up with a response and asked you "now tell me if you think the Nigerian government's militarized response to Boko Haram's radicalization is effective."


----------



## Rowan

I tend to think that "hi" isn't so much lazy or shallow as just unwilling to put themselves out there more than the bare minimum. It always strikes me as kind of the equivalent of "Tag! You're it!" It shows a faint hint of interest without opening the sender up to any real risk of rejection. It's an effort to have the recipient do the pursuing and take the risk. 

I mean, it_ is _lazy, but it's also a bit lacking in bravery. It's a dating site. If you're not willing to put yourself out there and risk a little rejection, why even go online? Why attempt to date at all? Relationships require risk.


----------



## Mr The Other

Just typing 'Hi" is rubbish, also the lack of commitment gives the impression of cowardice. Worse, it is dull.

I think many of the complaints are unreasonable though, a paedophile getting access to a picture of a child? Good grief, run scared of this link if you think that is a real fear:
https://www.google.com/search?site=....6.0....0...1ac.1.64.img..0.7.588.HmHDPl81NgU

I think many men go on on-line dating and expect miracles. I go on every couple of week on OKC, in which time you can look at the people who Like you and maybe answer a message or send out a few. If you go daily, it will be depressing.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Chuck71 said:


> Hello how are you is quite lame. Course I have a few openings which work much better.
> 
> I had one female, had "ask me anything" on entire profile, email me with "hi."
> 
> Reply, woman of very few words I see. Her.... ask me anything.
> 
> "What is your view of the diplomatic relations between the Democratic Republic of Congo and the guerrilla rebels." No reply.....
> 
> I have an extensive profile..... several paragraphs and around ten topics to easily start a chat with.
> 
> "Hi".... really... are you that shallow or worse, lazy? I get these mostly from the 28-35 crowd.


Hilarious, your question .

I tend to think if it's women sending a "hi" or "ask me anything" to men they may not be legit. (i.e. hookers). But, I don't know since I haven't been on that side of it. 

When I did online dating I said something in the very beginning of my profile like "I will actually read your profile and not just look at your pics." I got a lot of good feedback about that, because it was true. 

If someone had over a thousand questions answered and multiple quizzes, I think I might think they have way too much time on their hands or have been doing online dating for way too long.


----------



## Chuck71

SARAHMCD said:


> I would have cracked up at your question. Then I would have researched it, came up with a response and asked you "now tell me if you think the Nigerian government's militarized response to Boko Haram's radicalization is effective."


That would peak my interest immediately! You must remember..... would you have just

said "hi" or made initial message of '3-4 sentences.' Of the ones who have just opened with "hi"

probably would not know what continent Nigeria or Congo were in.


----------



## Chuck71

Mr The Other said:


> Just typing 'Hi" is rubbish, also the lack of commitment gives the impression of cowardice. Worse, it is dull.
> 
> I think many of the complaints are unreasonable though, a paedophile getting access to a picture of a child? Good grief, run scared of this link if you think that is a real fear:
> https://www.google.com/search?site=....6.0....0...1ac.1.64.img..0.7.588.HmHDPl81NgU
> 
> I think many men go on on-line dating and expect miracles. I go on every couple of week on OKC, in which time you can look at the people who Like you and maybe answer a message or send out a few. If you go daily, it will be depressing.


Being in law enforcement.... that is how pedophiles work. They don't hide behind trees anymore.

Man learns child's name, -Johnny your mom was in an accident, she told me to come get you-

still happens today. Also.... ask mothers who have daughters between the ages of 8-16 why

they don't date much at all.


----------



## gouge_away

One woman was very proud of her career path as a "wellness coach," after a bit of back and forth, I asked, "what is a wellness coach?" She replied, "if you don't know, why don't you just Google it?" I said, "OK, thank you, I might be awhile "

Three days later,
Her: "wtf, if you weren't interested why waste my time messaging me."
Me: "Google was more interesting"


----------



## depressedandexhausted

I just came to read the comments and take notes....


----------



## depressedandexhausted

gouge_away said:


> one woman was very proud of her career path as a "wellness coach," after a bit of back and forth, i asked, "what is a wellness coach?" she replied, "if you don't know, why don't you just google it?" i said, "ok, thank you, i might be awhile "
> 
> three days later,
> her: "wtf, if you weren't interested why waste my time messaging me."
> me: "google was more interesting"


rofl


----------



## farsidejunky

gouge_away said:


> One woman was very proud of her career path as a "wellness coach," after a bit of back and forth, I asked, "what is a wellness coach?" She replied, "if you don't know, why don't you just Google it?" I said, "OK, thank you, I might be awhile "
> 
> Three days later,
> Her: "wtf, if you weren't interested why waste my time messaging me."
> Me: "Google was more interesting"


So just what is a wellness coach?


----------



## Chuck71

gouge_away said:


> One woman was very proud of her career path as a "wellness coach," after a bit of back and forth, I asked, "what is a wellness coach?" She replied, "if you don't know, why don't you just Google it?" I said, "OK, thank you, I might be awhile "
> 
> Three days later,
> Her: "wtf, if you weren't interested why waste my time messaging me."
> Me: "Google was more interesting"


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: Isn't that where you tell people what exercises to do....

while they sit on their ass? Or / and tell you how to eat right while they're eating fried chicken?


----------



## Jane139

Maybe like a "life coach"? That one really cracks me up. I mean, I may have issues at time but hope I don't need someone coaching me from the sidelines.

Anyway that was a pretty rude answer, Imo. Why not just tell what she does? It is not like she is a bank teller. Not everyone will know the details of certain flaky-sounding job titles.

I guess I am a domestic goddess? I am not working, lol.


----------



## Rowan

A friend of mine had a first date over the weekend with a guy she met via an online dating site. She's late 30's and her children are young teens. His profile listed him as divorced and a father of two teen girls. 

But, in chatting with this guy over dinner she discovered that he's actually not quite divorced from his second wife yet.... It being the middle of dinner, she was willing to hear him out. Turns out he's embarrassed because it was his second divorce, the marriage only lasted a few months and he's been separated for over a year. His second wife completely deceived him, he found out he was her fourth husband (by age 30, no less) only after they were married, she's got emotional/mental health issues, etc. To add to the bonanza of red flags, by the end of dinner, it turns out that there's also actually a son from that second marriage. This guy's been in a protracted custody battle over the boy for many months. His attorney is cautiously optimistic that everything will be finalized, giving him full custody, by the end of the year. The son is 1. 

She thought she was meeting a divorced father of 2 teens. Someone who, like herself, will be done raising children in the next few years and free to travel and pursue other interests. She was actually meeting the father of 2 teens and an infant, who is still married to his second wife, and engaged in a custody battle that may or may not be resolved in the next 3-4 months. Not only that, but she said he's been really, really, eager to see her again and super-excited about her. So, not only is he a liar, he's also made some pretty immature and short-sighted life choices, is apparently unwilling or unable to take some time to get his sh!t together before getting back out on the market, and is clearly overly-eager to fill the "girlfriend" slot on his life-card. 

:slap:

So, new pet peeve: Lying in your profile about marital status _and_ number and ages of children.

I mean, honestly, who does that?!?!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Rowan said:


> A friend of mine had a first date over the weekend with a guy she met via an online dating site. She's late 30's and her children are young teens. His profile listed him as divorced and a father of two teen girls.
> 
> But, in chatting with this guy over dinner she discovered that he's actually not quite divorced from his second wife yet.... It being the middle of dinner, she was willing to hear him out. Turns out he's embarrassed because it was his second divorce, the marriage only lasted a few months and he's been separated for over a year. His second wife completely deceived him, he found out he was her fourth husband (by age 30, no less) only after they were married, she's got emotional/mental health issues, etc. To add to the bonanza of red flags, by the end of dinner, it turns out that there's also actually a son from that second marriage. This guy's been in a protracted custody battle over the boy for many months. His attorney is cautiously optimistic that everything will be finalized, giving him full custody, by the end of the year. The son is 1.
> 
> She thought she was meeting a divorced father of 2 teens. Someone who, like herself, will be done raising children in the next few years and free to travel and pursue other interests. She was actually meeting the father of 2 teens and an infant, who is still married to his second wife, and engaged in a custody battle that may or may not be resolved in the next 3-4 months. Not only that, but she said he's been really, really, eager to see her again and super-excited about her. So, not only is he a liar, he's also made some pretty horrendous life choices, is apparently unwilling or unable to take some time to get his sh!t together before getting back out on the market, and is clearly overly-eager to fill the "girlfriend" slot on his life-card.
> 
> :slap:
> 
> So, new pet peeve: Lying in your profile about marital status _and_ number and ages of children.
> 
> I mean, honestly, who does that?!?!


The martial status issue (him not being legally divorced) wouldn't bother me if its true that he's been separated over a year. If asked, he should have been upfront about it from the start, however. 

Not disclosing a very young child is a big one though. I'm guessing he just figured if he told his complicated story up front, most women wouldn't want to meet him (I'm sure he's right on that). Why he thinks that will change after a date or two, I have no idea. It has to come out sometime!!


----------



## Wolf1974

gouge_away said:


> One woman was very proud of her career path as a "wellness coach," after a bit of back and forth, I asked, "what is a wellness coach?" She replied, "if you don't know, why don't you just Google it?" I said, "OK, thank you, I might be awhile "
> 
> Three days later,
> Her: "wtf, if you weren't interested why waste my time messaging me."
> Me: "Google was more interesting"


This is a perfect comeback for her snarky comment.... I would have done same.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

farsidejunky said:


> So just what is a wellness coach?


People who sell products like Beach Body or Advocare (ie. shakes, supplements, exercise videos) call themselves wellness coaches.


----------



## Wolf1974

Rowan said:


> A friend of mine had a first date over the weekend with a guy she met via an online dating site. She's late 30's and her children are young teens. His profile listed him as divorced and a father of two teen girls.
> 
> But, in chatting with this guy over dinner she discovered that he's actually not quite divorced from his second wife yet.... It being the middle of dinner, she was willing to hear him out. Turns out he's embarrassed because it was his second divorce, the marriage only lasted a few months and he's been separated for over a year. His second wife completely deceived him, he found out he was her fourth husband (by age 30, no less) only after they were married, she's got emotional/mental health issues, etc. To add to the bonanza of red flags, by the end of dinner, it turns out that there's also actually a son from that second marriage. This guy's been in a protracted custody battle over the boy for many months. His attorney is cautiously optimistic that everything will be finalized, giving him full custody, by the end of the year. The son is 1.
> 
> She thought she was meeting a divorced father of 2 teens. Someone who, like herself, will be done raising children in the next few years and free to travel and pursue other interests. She was actually meeting the father of 2 teens and an infant, who is still married to his second wife, and engaged in a custody battle that may or may not be resolved in the next 3-4 months. Not only that, but she said he's been really, really, eager to see her again and super-excited about her. So, not only is he a liar, he's also made some pretty immature and short-sighted life choices, is apparently unwilling or unable to take some time to get his sh!t together before getting back out on the market, and is clearly overly-eager to fill the "girlfriend" slot on his life-card.
> 
> :slap:
> 
> So, new pet peeve: Lying in your profile about marital status _and_ number and ages of children.
> 
> *I mean, honestly, who does that*?!?!


You may be new to online dating but MANY lie about thier marital status. Was so common that I had to put it in my profile that I wouldn't date separated women....because you know they are still married ....

With online dating you have to clarify EVERYTHING lol. Sad world we live in


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Rowan said:


> A friend of mine had a first date over the weekend with a guy she met via an online dating site. She's late 30's and her children are young teens. His profile listed him as divorced and a father of two teen girls.
> 
> But, in chatting with this guy over dinner she discovered that he's actually not quite divorced from his second wife yet.... It being the middle of dinner, she was willing to hear him out. Turns out he's embarrassed because it was his second divorce, the marriage only lasted a few months and he's been separated for over a year. His second wife completely deceived him, he found out he was her fourth husband (by age 30, no less) only after they were married, she's got emotional/mental health issues, etc. To add to the bonanza of red flags, by the end of dinner, it turns out that there's also actually a son from that second marriage. This guy's been in a protracted custody battle over the boy for many months. His attorney is cautiously optimistic that everything will be finalized, giving him full custody, by the end of the year. The son is 1.
> 
> She thought she was meeting a divorced father of 2 teens. Someone who, like herself, will be done raising children in the next few years and free to travel and pursue other interests. She was actually meeting the father of 2 teens and an infant, who is still married to his second wife, and engaged in a custody battle that may or may not be resolved in the next 3-4 months. Not only that, but she said he's been really, really, eager to see her again and super-excited about her. So, not only is he a liar, he's also made some pretty immature and short-sighted life choices, is apparently unwilling or unable to take some time to get his sh!t together before getting back out on the market, and is clearly overly-eager to fill the "girlfriend" slot on his life-card.
> 
> :slap:
> 
> So, new pet peeve: Lying in your profile about marital status _and_ number and ages of children.
> 
> I mean, honestly, who does that?!?!



Ai yi yi! Yes, that's a big pet peeve for sure!


----------



## Jane139

Having a one-year old child also would make a lot of women run (or men). It signifies that the person may not really be "free" and has come out of some kind of serious (presumably) relarionship rather recently. Not to mention two decades ahead of child support, at the very least. So he probably hoped to get some woman to like him before having to drop that bomb. 

I don't get lying about anything, if you really plan to meet the people you are lying to. The jig will be up pretty quickly, whether it is your age, your weight, height, etc...good grief.


----------



## Rowan

SARAHMCD said:


> Not disclosing a very young child is a big one though. I'm guessing he just figured if he told his complicated story up front, most women wouldn't want to meet him (I'm sure he's right on that). Why he thinks that will change after a date or two, I have no idea. It has to come out sometime!!


I'm sure it's true that he thought the whole complicated story would scare women off. And it did. With the additional flair that my friend felt really deceived. Even if she would have still been interested in him despite all the drama, the lying would have been a huge issue. 



Wolf1974 said:


> You may be new to online dating but MANY lie about thier marital status. Was so common that I had to put it in my profile that I wouldn't date separated women....because you know they are still married ....
> 
> With online dating you have to clarify EVERYTHING lol. Sad world we live in


Oh, I definitely would have clarified before ever agreeing to meet. But then, I've had a man tell me he was single, only to find out later that "single" meant still married and still living with his wife.  My friend is notoriously soft-hearted and can be kind of naïve about other people. I think she just tends to assume the best until proven wrong, and had never run into anyone who was hiding a wife and a baby before. 



Jane139 said:


> Having a one-year old child also would make a lot of women run (or men). It signifies that the person may not really be "free" and has come out of some kind of serious (presumably) relarionship rather recently. *Not to mention two decades ahead of child support, at the very least.* So he probably hoped to get some woman to like him before having to drop that bomb.
> 
> I don't get lying about anything, if you really plan to meet the people you are lying to. The jig will be up pretty quickly, whether it is your age, your weight, height, etc...good grief.


In this guy's case, he's going for full custody. So not just child support, but actually raising a baby, full time. That's like a whole other level of not-free.

And, no, I just don't get lying about anything. Why do it? Are people not supposed to notice or find out? Is it somehow supposedly better to be found out for a liar on top of whatever it is you were hiding? I just find that thought process kind of baffling. smh


----------



## Wolf1974

I will go one better than lying about Marital status. Went out with a woman, first date, who's online profile stated she was thirty. When she showed up it was clear her pictures were dated and she was older. Turned out she was 38. When asked why she lied in her profile her honest response was " well I only feel thirty and age is just s number anyway". 

Lol ok then


----------



## Chuck71

So.......... what is the most lied about topic we run into on OLD? I know for me it is weight. When you see

6-8-10 pics and they're all face shots only, in a large group setting, or all at one certain angle.... I tend to get

suspicious. Heck.... I have in my profiles, I have a few extra pounds yet I still am very active.

There is a difference between love handles and fat rolls. I actually prefer a bit of meat on a woman's bones.

But when someone puts athletic or average but they show up 5'3 and 200 lbs...... seriously????


----------



## SARAHMCD

Chuck71 said:


> So.......... what is the most lied about topic we run into on OLD? I know for me it is weight. When you see
> 
> 6-8-10 pics and they're all face shots only, in a large group setting, or all at one certain angle.... I tend to get
> 
> suspicious. Heck.... I have in my profiles, I have a few extra pounds yet I still am very active.
> 
> There is a difference between love handles and fat rolls. I actually prefer a bit of meat on a woman's bones.
> 
> But when someone puts athletic or average but they show up 5'3 and 200 lbs...... seriously????


Men lie about their weight and height. I'm not picky about height - I'm only 5'3" myself so actually I prefer men under 6 ft. But I know a lot of women are fussy about dating someone they can't wear heels with. So it leads to men adding an inch or three. Not an excuse for it though...again, your goal is to meet right?

I'm guessing some lie about their age too. I've seen photos of guys supposedly my age and I think, there's no way he is a day younger than 60. Or he's led a REALLY hard life. 

They lie about marital status. I'm suspecting the guy I had a date with last week was actually still married. Or at least living in the same house as his wife. Looking back at the clues and some of the inconsistencies in his stories....the limited times he could meet or not meet, the phone calls only from his car, the fact that he seemed to have his teenage girls with him quite often (over for dinner at his "condo"), yet when asked about their custody arrangement, he said they didn't have one, he just sees them as much as possible. Just little dodgy behaviour things that didn't add up.


----------



## Rowan

The most common thing I've had men lie about, by far, has been their height. Again, I'm tall for a woman at 5'7". I'm going to totally notice if a man's stated 5'10" is actually more like 5'8". I don't recall any guys ever lying about being 6'1" or taller, though. As if 6' is the golden number, above which men don't feel the need to lie. 

I also noticed a lot of guys who looked way older than their stated age. It's hard to know if they've just not aged well - like _at all _- or if they're lying about their age. Plenty of the supposedly 45 set looked much, much, older than that. 

I never met any gentlemen who obviously lied about weight in their profiles. But, then, I also never agreed to meet with anyone who didn't have full-length photos that seemed pretty recent.


----------



## Tulanian

Chuck71 said:


> So.......... what is the most lied about topic we run into on OLD? I know for me it is weight. When you see
> 
> 6-8-10 pics and they're all face shots only...


I must admit, I'm guilty of this one. I don't feel like I'm being dishonest, because I put "average" as my body type and the average American male, especially in my state (Louisiana) IS overweight to at least some degree. Right now, my face is my best feature, so that's what I use. 

I'm taking steps to address the weight issue, using a planned, portion-controlled diet and exercising, but that's going to take many months at the least. I'm very self-conscious about how heavy I've gotten, mainly because I used to be very slim. So, no, I don't put full-length photos on OKC/PoF. Even I don't want to see those.


----------



## Mr The Other

Rowan said:


> The most common thing I've had men lie about, by far, has been their height. Again, I'm tall for a woman at 5'7". I'm going to totally notice if a man's stated 5'10" is actually more like 5'8". I don't recall any guys ever lying about being 6'1" or taller, though. As if 6' is the golden number, above which men don't feel the need to lie.
> 
> I also noticed a lot of guys who looked way older than their stated age. It's hard to know if they've just not aged well - like _at all _- or if they're lying about their age. Plenty of the supposedly 45 set looked much, much, older than that.
> 
> I never met any gentlemen who obviously lied about weight in their profiles. But, then, I also never agreed to meet with anyone who didn't have full-length photos that seemed pretty recent.


When I was 20, I was measure in a clinic and was 180cm. In my mid-thirties, my rugby career wound down and a year or two later I was over an inch taller than I had been, my new height: 179cm. I had probably shortened by about two inches. Age and life really does have an effect and I suspect many men are merely mistaken. 

Others are plain delusional, these heights put me under 6', but I meet men who are shorter than me and apparently 6' tall.


----------



## Chuck71

Being 6 even, I never noticed the big label on height. Some guy had a thread in GRD and the 

only thing he could talk about was his height, 5-8. I never considered myself "tall" I guess from

growing up in the "higher the hair, closer to God" days in the South. A girl may be 5'4 but the hair made her 5'9. 

Females.... is there a certain length you want guys to be taller than you which is universal?

One thing that irks me and I think this is across the boards.... you chat with someone on the OLD site

and you ask for her # (or gals you give your # out) and they disappear like a fart in a baking soda factory. SMFH


----------



## Phil Anders

You want peeves???

Quotations as the entire profile--bonus points for Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou & sundry b1tchy-empowerment lines. I know what Einstein said--what do YOU say?

Photos of nature, tigers, food, booze, your kids, your dog, your grandma, or some lolcat/ecard meme that was viral a decade ago. On a dating site I want to meet YOU, not your camera roll. 

Profiles where each & every photo features a dim nightclub, a wacky expression, facepaint, your burning man getup, tough-mudder grime, or sport involving some kind of faceplate/helmet/bodysuit. I've seen 10 pics and I still have no idea what you look like in normal life. You do HAVE a normal life some of the time, yes?

Yes, ladies, we are picturing having sex with you right from the start. Don't sabotage that covert yet desirable process by including crossdressing or androgynous cues, even in whimsical photos--because your fedora, your 30's gangster suit & tie, your Groucho glasses, and most especially your mustache(!) _are not sexy in the least_. Instead, they foster a powerful aversion in the hetero guy who's just been forced to imagine himself making out with your twin brother.  Unless you're bi, lesbian, or deliberately shooting for the 'genderqueer' niche, just STOP. 

Misrepresenting your age, especially if it's a social media-linked site like Tinder and you say "Oh yea I'm really 48, not 37--_Damn you, Facebook!!!_" like it's all the fault of some computer glitch. 

Especially for attractive women & those with a sense of entitlement: profiles that offer no hooks for meaningful conversation or humorous icebreakers. If your entire premise is "Don't I look hot in this swimsuit"; if there's no photo of you immersed in some intriguing activity or setting; if you say nothing about yourself beyond enjoying good food and having a generic good time and wanting a good man in your life--well, don't be surprised if "Hi!"/"'Sup?", PUA lines and d1ck pix are all you get.

On body type: I know curvy, and I know fat. They are not the same thing, and we both know it. If you're inadvertently rotund, don't be deliberately obtuse as well. 

Why spend paragraphs listing turn-offs and the many types of people & communication you'll ignore vs. just silently ignoring them? Do you think airing your jaded critique makes you an attractive challenge?

Oh, and please do tell me more about how you are wedded to your job as a busy "Type A" entrepreneur, your house full of small offspring, your moonlight volunteer charity work, etc., and how I shouldn't dare waste your time by failing to meet your exhaustive criteria in the 1.5 hrs per week you _do_ have free. 

Almost as bad as the rant-y "list of dealbreakers" profile is leading with your desperately sincere need to get SERIOUS and find a LIFE PARTNER to HAVE KIDS & GROW OLD WITH, like, RIGHT NOW. If you're open to an LTR or aren't up for casual flings, fine, signal that--but the wedding planner/my-clock-is-ticking hard sell screams RUN, FORREST, RUN. 
:surprise:


----------



## gouge_away

I definitely notice women that are on the heavier side put average as body type.

BTW when I say heavier I mean Wisconsin dairy land heavier, this is pushing a buck 80...

When I've met them in person I don't let the obvious misrepresentation ruin a good date because I know many times is a self image thing, and painful for some women to accept in today's stick figure obsession.

I love me bigger girls, anyhow...

It's one of those slender boy things


----------



## Tulanian

gouge_away said:


> I definitely notice women that are on the heavier side put average as body type.
> ...
> When I've met them in person I don't let the obvious misrepresentation ruin a good date because I know many times is a self image thing, and painful for some women to accept in today's stick figure obsession.


The reigning beauty standard of overt-thinness is even less attainable now than it used to be. Maintaining a healthy weight seems to be much more difficult these days than it was, say, thirty years ago or so. In today's USA, overweight IS what's average.

I've got a lot of weight to lose. To that end, I just started a planned diet where I eat measured portions of specific foods at specific times, none of which were industrially prepared. As I shopped for my weekly groceries, I finally began to notice how much of what they sell us as "food" is going to put us in an early grave. You can literally walk down entire aisles at the grocery store where NONE of the products are good for you at ALL. It used to be that the biggest concern was excess salt in prepared foods, along with some preservatives. Now there's too much salt, too many chemicals AND high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) that is almost impossible to avoid unless you buy every ingredient fresh. 

If you were to look at a timeline for the sales volume of HFCS-containing products, and a timeline of America's obesity epidemic, I'd be willing to bet there's a very noticeable correlation. It's not just sugar, it is super-refined sugar that is PERFECT for putting your body through glycemic hell every day. HFCS metabolizes very quickly, so your pancreas rushes to flood your system with insulin, which then drops your blood sugar TOO low and leaves you craving MORE sugar. A ton of foods that aren't even sweet contain HFCS as a stabilizer (non-dairy creamer is basically HFCS with food coloring added, as is Hershey's "chocolate" syrup), meaning that modern consumers' bodies are being chemically trained to crave more and more sugar.

I'm not suggesting some grand conspiracy, or denying personal responsibility. My weight gain is my own fault, for not staying active and not paying attention to my food. But it takes a LOT of personal will-power to break away from the industrialized food complex and start trying to keep to simpler, healthier food. It takes planning and LOTS of time, too. I'd like to think I have the willpower to stay with it. I hope I do.

Given all of this, holding up the uber-thin as the end-all and be-all of beauty is a cruel joke. The same consumer culture that wants you to think Kate Moss is an idol also wants to sell you food designed to make you look like you swallowed a linebacker whole. It also tries to sell you on diet ideas that will, at best, give you a temporary sharp reduction in weight before you yo-yo back and wind up even heavier, not to mention the number of BS "fat-burner" pills and substances (Note: they're all metabolic stimulants, and every one of them increases blood pressure and puts you at risk of heart attack and/or stroke).


----------



## VermisciousKnid

Tulanian said:


> The reigning beauty standard of overt-thinness is even less attainable now than it used to be. Maintaining a healthy weight seems to be much more difficult these days than it was, say, thirty years ago or so. In today's USA, overweight IS what's average.
> 
> I've got a lot of weight to lose. To that end, I just started a planned diet where I eat measured portions of specific foods at specific times, none of which were industrially prepared. As I shopped for my weekly groceries, I finally began to notice how much of what they sell us as "food" is going to put us in an early grave. You can literally walk down entire aisles at the grocery store where NONE of the products are good for you at ALL. It used to be that the biggest concern was excess salt in prepared foods, along with some preservatives. *Now there's too much salt, too many chemicals AND high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) that is almost impossible to avoid unless you buy every ingredient fresh.
> 
> If you were to look at a timeline for the sales volume of HFCS-containing products, and a timeline of America's obesity epidemic, I'd be willing to bet there's a very noticeable correlation. It's not just sugar, it is super-refined sugar that is PERFECT for putting your body through glycemic hell every day. HFCS metabolizes very quickly, so your pancreas rushes to flood your system with insulin, which then drops your blood sugar TOO low and leaves you craving MORE sugar. A ton of foods that aren't even sweet contain HFCS as a stabilizer (non-dairy creamer is basically HFCS with food coloring added, as is Hershey's "chocolate" syrup), meaning that modern consumers' bodies are being chemically trained to crave more and more sugar. *


This is off-topic of course, but I remember reading a semi-scholarly article a few years ago that described the sudden increase of obesity and type II diabetes in a Chinese population 90 years ago after the introduction of cheap and plentiful sugar to their diet made possible by a new trade agreement. 

Before the introduction of cheap sugar, obesity and diabetes were virtually unknown in that population, and after it they rapidly appeared in epidemic proportions. Wish I could find the article now. 

My point being that HFCS is really bad and normal refined sugar can be dangerous as well.


----------



## gouge_away

HFCS causes bone loss as well.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Phil Anders said:


> You want peeves???
> 
> Quotations as the entire profile--bonus points for Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou & sundry b1tchy-empowerment lines. I know what Einstein said--what do YOU say?
> 
> Photos of nature, tigers, food, booze, your kids, your dog, your grandma, or some lolcat/ecard meme that was viral a decade ago. On a dating site I want to meet YOU, not your camera roll.
> 
> Profiles where each & every photo features a dim nightclub, a wacky expression, facepaint, your burning man getup, tough-mudder grime, or sport involving some kind of faceplate/helmet/bodysuit. I've seen 10 pics and I still have no idea what you look like in normal life. You do HAVE a normal life some of the time, yes?
> 
> Yes, ladies, we are picturing having sex with you right from the start. Don't sabotage that covert yet desirable process by including crossdressing or androgynous cues, even in whimsical photos--because your fedora, your 30's gangster suit & tie, your Groucho glasses, and most especially your mustache(!) _are not sexy in the least_. Instead, they foster a powerful aversion in the hetero guy who's just been forced to imagine himself making out with your twin brother.  Unless you're bi, lesbian, or deliberately shooting for the 'genderqueer' niche, just STOP.
> 
> Misrepresenting your age, especially if it's a social media-linked site like Tinder and you say "Oh yea I'm really 48, not 37--_Damn you, Facebook!!!_" like it's all the fault of some computer glitch.
> 
> Especially for attractive women & those with a sense of entitlement: profiles that offer no hooks for meaningful conversation or humorous icebreakers. If your entire premise is "Don't I look hot in this swimsuit"; if there's no photo of you immersed in some intriguing activity or setting; if you say nothing about yourself beyond enjoying good food and having a generic good time and wanting a good man in your life--well, don't be surprised if "Hi!"/"'Sup?", PUA lines and d1ck pix are all you get.
> 
> On body type: I know curvy, and I know fat. They are not the same thing, and we both know it. If you're inadvertently rotund, don't be deliberately obtuse as well.
> 
> Why spend paragraphs listing turn-offs and the many types of people & communication you'll ignore vs. just silently ignoring them? Do you think airing your jaded critique makes you an attractive challenge?
> 
> Oh, and please do tell me more about how you are wedded to your job as a busy "Type A" entrepreneur, your house full of small offspring, your moonlight volunteer charity work, etc., and how I shouldn't dare waste your time by failing to meet your exhaustive criteria in the 1.5 hrs per week you _do_ have free.
> 
> Almost as bad as the rant-y "list of dealbreakers" profile is leading with your desperately sincere need to get SERIOUS and find a LIFE PARTNER to HAVE KIDS & GROW OLD WITH, like, RIGHT NOW. If you're open to an LTR or aren't up for casual flings, fine, signal that--but the wedding planner/my-clock-is-ticking hard sell screams RUN, FORREST, RUN.
> :surprise:


This whole post cracked me up! 

I'm not dating right now, but when I did OLD what I noticed in terms of lying was that men lie about their height. More specifically, if someone puts 6' or taller, they are telling the truth. Men who say somewhere between 5'7" and 5'10" are usually lying and are shorter. Men who say 5'6" or shorter are usually truthful. 

I'm 5'5" and I do like to wear heels so I like taller men when I was looking through OLD profiles. Oddly I don't really even notice if a man is on the shorter side if I meet them organically unless they are 5'4" or shorter, so I really shouldn't use that as a criteria.


----------



## Tulanian

VermisciousKnid said:


> This is off-topic of course...


Kinda yes, kinda no. I was responding to his comment regarding the stick-figure beauty standard and how it makes women feel about their weight. But, yeah, I ran with it.


----------



## Chuck71

Phil Anders said:


> You want peeves???
> 
> Quotations as the entire profile--bonus points for Marilyn Monroe, Maya Angelou & sundry b1tchy-empowerment lines. I know what Einstein said--what do YOU say?
> 
> Photos of nature, tigers, food, booze, your kids, your dog, your grandma, or some lolcat/ecard meme that was viral a decade ago. On a dating site I want to meet YOU, not your camera roll.
> 
> Profiles where each & every photo features a dim nightclub, a wacky expression, facepaint, your burning man getup, tough-mudder grime, or sport involving some kind of faceplate/helmet/bodysuit. I've seen 10 pics and I still have no idea what you look like in normal life. You do HAVE a normal life some of the time, yes?
> 
> Yes, ladies, we are picturing having sex with you right from the start. Don't sabotage that covert yet desirable process by including crossdressing or androgynous cues, even in whimsical photos--because your fedora, your 30's gangster suit & tie, your Groucho glasses, and most especially your mustache(!) _are not sexy in the least_. Instead, they foster a powerful aversion in the hetero guy who's just been forced to imagine himself making out with your twin brother.  Unless you're bi, lesbian, or deliberately shooting for the 'genderqueer' niche, just STOP.
> 
> Misrepresenting your age, especially if it's a social media-linked site like Tinder and you say "Oh yea I'm really 48, not 37--_Damn you, Facebook!!!_" like it's all the fault of some computer glitch.
> 
> Especially for attractive women & those with a sense of entitlement: profiles that offer no hooks for meaningful conversation or humorous icebreakers. If your entire premise is "Don't I look hot in this swimsuit"; if there's no photo of you immersed in some intriguing activity or setting; if you say nothing about yourself beyond enjoying good food and having a generic good time and wanting a good man in your life--well, don't be surprised if "Hi!"/"'Sup?", PUA lines and d1ck pix are all you get.
> 
> On body type: I know curvy, and I know fat. They are not the same thing, and we both know it. If you're inadvertently rotund, don't be deliberately obtuse as well.
> 
> Why spend paragraphs listing turn-offs and the many types of people & communication you'll ignore vs. just silently ignoring them? Do you think airing your jaded critique makes you an attractive challenge?
> 
> Oh, and please do tell me more about how you are wedded to your job as a busy "Type A" entrepreneur, your house full of small offspring, your moonlight volunteer charity work, etc., and how I shouldn't dare waste your time by failing to meet your exhaustive criteria in the 1.5 hrs per week you _do_ have free.
> 
> Almost as bad as the rant-y "list of dealbreakers" profile is leading with your desperately sincere need to get SERIOUS and find a LIFE PARTNER to HAVE KIDS & GROW OLD WITH, like, RIGHT NOW. If you're open to an LTR or aren't up for casual flings, fine, signal that--but the wedding planner/my-clock-is-ticking hard sell screams RUN, FORREST, RUN.
> :surprise:


OMG.... hilarious! Superbly worded. Ever been on one like this....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/280569-date-remember.html


----------



## Holland

Has been over 4 yrs since I did OLD but most lied about thing I found was their age. Sorry guys as much as the brotherhood tell you that men age slower than women, it just isn't true. Most men over 40 look their age which is just great, lying about it is a real turn off though.

I met my SO online and he hadn't lied about his height (very tall) or his age.

The weight/body type thing confused me though when I started OLD. I am an Aussie size 10 (US size 6) but with DD boobs, small waist and round butt, I always thought that meant I was fat. Nearly every guy I met from OLD told me that I was curvy not fat which apparently is a good thing. Lots of people have an a different view of themselves than what others see.


----------



## Jane139

I agree that we see our body types differently than others might. I am small and slim, but to many people, I am "skinny". Granted, I could stand to regain some weight I lost last year due to health issues, but I am trying lol. No one wants to hear that these days. So I choose "slender" as the only option of the choices. I think a full-length shot is the best way to display your physique if there is a question as to how to answer, let people decide for themselves. 

But to be honest, I am turned off my men without shirts in their pictures. I guess many women might like that but not me. I am torn, lol, whether I prefer those to no pics at all, but probably will not reply to either. The one man I did meet so far, in person, kept emialing but he did not have a photo posted. I finally told him he needed to post one if he wanted replies, so he did get one on there and told me he got dozens of messages after that. We have had a few meals and may do so again, though he seems to want a physical relationship (I gathered this from one laste night text for which he later apologized, lol) so not sure this will go anywhere. 

Anyway...I guess my point is, be clear about what you are looking for and what you look like, with pics to back it up. For me, long elaborate profiles are just as unappealing as no profiles, as they seem too specific, as though no one could possibly pass inspection. It is a risky, complicated business, this online dating, lol, not for the super sensitive.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Holland said:


> Nearly every guy I met from OLD told me that I was curvy not fat which apparently is a good thing.


I know as little about women as just about any other clueless man, and even less about Aussie women, but even I know you NEVER EVER call a women fat. No matter what the circumstance LOL. Size 6 for an average height or above woman is not fat at all for the record.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Jane139 said:


> But to be honest, I am turned off my men without shirts in their pictures. I guess many women might like that but not me. I am torn, lol, whether I prefer those to no pics at all, but probably will not reply to either. The one man I did meet so far, in person, kept emialing but he did not have a photo posted. I finally told him he needed to post one if he wanted replies, so he did get one on there and told me he got dozens of messages after that. We have had a few meals and may do so again, though he seems to want a physical relationship (I gathered this from one laste night text for which he later apologized, lol) so not sure this will go anywhere.


First, I agree with the shirtless photos taken in the bathroom mirror. Just yuck. And I won't even respond to one without a photo. My guess is that he's married. 

On to your other point, you said you've dated this guy several times and may do so again, but he wants a physical relationship. Isn't that what dating is for? I'm confused. 
Did you tell him up front you were just looking for friends, not dating?


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## gouge_away

SARAHMCD said:


> First, I agree with the shirtless photos taken in the bathroom mirror. Just yuck. And I won't even respond to one without a photo. My guess is that he's married.


Or embarrassed to be online dating.


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## Tulanian

gouge_away said:


> Or embarrassed to be online dating.


Never did understand being embarrassed about OLD. Now, embarrassed that you answered a Craigslist hookup ad and she turned out to be a prostitute? That I can see.


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## Jane139

SARAHMCD said:


> First, I agree with the shirtless photos taken in the bathroom mirror. Just yuck. And I won't even respond to one without a photo. My guess is that he's married.
> 
> On to your other point, you said you've dated this guy several times and may do so again, but he wants a physical relationship. Isn't that what dating is for? I'm confused.
> Did you tell him up front you were just looking for friends, not dating?


Yes, I did tell him, as well as listing in my profile that I was seeking someone to have meals, coffee, or dog walks with. We have only had breakfast a few times.


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## Chuck71

Tulanian said:


> Never did understand being embarrassed about OLD. Now, embarrassed that you answered a Craigslist hookup ad and she turned out to be a prostitute? That I can see.


There was an enormous stigma attached to OLD. It screamed desperation. You still had many

other alternatives in... say 1990's. It was perfectly cool to meet someone on AOL.... was that really so different?

AOL had personals, rooms for people wanting to meet, rooms for every city with over 50k people.

This led to POF, Match, OKC, etc... ironic how things ended up....


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## Rowan

I actually met an otherwise seemingly nice, normal, guy who quickly made it pretty clear that he considered people who did online dating to be desperate and a little pathetic. Where did I meet this paragon, you ask? 

Match.com. 

Yeah, no hypocrisy there........:slap:


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## Basic"FairyDust"Love

I have never in my life wanted to slap so many strangers that I have never met in real life just from looking at their online dating profiles. If the pictures and summaries of many of the men's profiles that I've seen are any indication of their personalities than a slap might do them some good.


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## Jane139

Basic"FairyDust"Love said:


> I have never in my life wanted to slap so many strangers that I have never met in real life just from looking at their online dating profiles. If the pictures and summaries of many of the men's profiles that I've seen are any indication of their personalities than a slap might do them some good.


I wish there was a way to know if these fools actually attract any women.


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## Shoto1984

I wish she gave some specifics as to what merits a slap so I could either scoff or take notes.....

My recent peeve is someone looking to jump into my FB early on. I understand that you want to check me out but my FB is for family and friends and you're not in either of those categories yet. I'm willing to put the time in to get to know you the old fashion way and I think you should be too.


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## Chuck71

Shoto1984 said:


> I wish she gave some specifics as to what merits a slap so I could either scoff or take notes.....
> 
> My recent peeve is someone looking to jump into my FB early on. I understand that you want to check me out but my FB is for family and friends and you're not in either of those categories yet. I'm willing to put the time in to get to know you the old fashion way and I think you should be too.


It seems to be...after you meet on an OLD site.... the two people slide over to FB. Then phone chat.

99% of my FB is set public... all I post are quotes, sports related topics, or youtube songs.

Anything else I copy and paste to the certain people I am close to. So wanting me to friend them,

tells them nothing, except maybe mutual friends. The nerving part is.... while you are attempting

to get to know them, they like every single thing you post and start posting on your thread.

Things like.... only a SO would post. Then... you get the back chat messages... are you and her dating?

When it doesn't work out.... POOF.... every like and post is removed or you are blocked.

Seems to me this is jumping the gun..... maybe there is a FB function where you can friend 

someone but not have it to where they can start posting until the time is right.

In the 11 months I have been dating... only one girl, sent me a FB message and did not seek a friend request.


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## SARAHMCD

Chuck71 said:


> It seems to be...after you meet on an OLD site.... the two people slide over to FB. Then phone chat.
> 
> 99% of my FB is set public... all I post are quotes, sports related topics, or youtube songs.
> 
> Anything else I copy and paste to the certain people I am close to. So wanting me to friend them,
> 
> tells them nothing, except maybe mutual friends. The nerving part is.... while you are attempting
> 
> to get to know them, they like every single thing you post and start posting on your thread.
> 
> Things like.... only a SO would post. Then... you get the back chat messages... are you and her dating?
> 
> When it doesn't work out.... POOF.... every like and post is removed or you are blocked.
> 
> Seems to me this is jumping the gun..... maybe there is a FB function where you can friend
> 
> someone but not have it to where they can start posting until the time is right.
> 
> In the 11 months I have been dating... only one girl, sent me a FB message and did not seek a friend request.


:scratchhead:

I've never been asked to be friends on FB by anyone I'm online dating nor would I think to ask. Especially if we hadn't even met yet! I wouldn't want them commenting on my posts so my friends and family could see until we were in an actual relationship. 

This is common?


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## Chuck71

SARAHMCD said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I've never been asked to be friends on FB by anyone I'm online dating nor would I think to ask. Especially if we hadn't even met yet! I wouldn't want them commenting on my posts so my friends and family could see until we were in an actual relationship.
> 
> This is common?


Maybe 1/3 go overboard, 2/3 don't. As for me.... I just send a message to them on back chat,

not a friend request. The friend requests at first are 100% the female's request.

Granted.... a female has much more to be cautious about than a male. Maybe this is why the (female) vast 

majority do the friend request. Most people make almost all of their posts for "friends only" so to get a "read"

on the guy, the girl asks for this.

I'm sure the females have been lied to by guys before saying everything on his FB page is public.... then 

she asks to be friended and she realizes the guy was telling a fib. I can see that happening.

Me..... I have nothing to hide on mine. I will accept a friend request. With the understanding.... 

let's not post like we've been together a year. Sadly... some do but it does let me know who 

seem to want to take things WAY too fast. That is a red flag.


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## Shoto1984

I've had the FB request come up very early. "are you on FB?" "yes" "send me a friend request..." "well, why don't we wait on that till we meet face to face..." The feeling I get back is that I must have something to hide if I won't friend them right off. I guess its part of the pre-qualifying in the tech age but I'm not a fan....


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## SARAHMCD

Shoto1984 said:


> I've had the FB request come up very early. "are you on FB?" "yes" "send me a friend request..." "well, why don't we wait on that till we meet face to face..." The feeling I get back is that I must have something to hide if I won't friend them right off. I guess its part of the pre-qualifying in the tech age but I'm not a fan....


Perhaps its mainly women requesting this of men. I've never had a man ask me for this - ever. I would find it very strange if they did. Some men (this includes friends and co-workers of mine) don't even have FB pages. 
That said, once I'm going to meet someone face-to-face I will google them and look for their FB page, LinkedIn account, and whatever else might pop up. But I would consider it presumptuous to ask to "friend" each other before we'd even met.


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## Mr The Other

SARAHMCD said:


> Perhaps its mainly women requesting this of men. I've never had a man ask me for this - ever. I would find it very strange if they did. Some men (this includes friends and co-workers of mine) don't even have FB pages.
> That said, once I'm going to meet someone face-to-face I will google them and look for their FB page, LinkedIn account, and whatever else might pop up. But I would consider it presumptuous to ask to "friend" each other before we'd even met.


Women want to know that you are "OK". Men are not bothered.


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## Shoto1984

"I have nothing to hide on mine." That is part of the issue. If you say "no" the assumption is that you have something to hide which is not the case. I do however have a lot to protect. So lets meet face to face and have at least a few dates before you put me on the spot about jumping into my circle of friends and family (and having a virtual introduction to my kids)


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## SARAHMCD

Dating rant:

On my dating profile I have clearly stated I'm looking for a LTR (short term or long term dating). I also say I'm strictly monogamous. And I make a point when answering some of the questions to say although I may have had sex casually in the past a couple of times, I am now looking for LTR only, not a hook up, not ONS, not casual. I'm looking for the full connection. 

So when I've dated someone who also has the same answers on his profile, why does he seem surprised when I say I want us to be exclusive? This is after a few dates and having sex together. I'm not talking about being instant boyfriend/girlfriend or having a timeline for when I want a ring on my finger. I'm very independent and like my space. I want to take things slowly. But I'm not into accumulating sex partners and worrying about STDs. So I prefer to date someone who wishes to be monogamous. While we're together, just be with me and see where it might take us. If it works out, great, otherwise we both move on. Why is this such a difficult concept for most people nowadays? 

I really hit it off with this guy and he has pursued me and been very attentive (texting me multiple times a day, often chatting all evening). He keeps saying how lucky he is, complimenting me all the time on what a catch I am. Yet, he says he's not ready to take down his dating profile and be exclusive. So how special does that really make me? I asked if it would be ok if I slept with him this weekend but that next weekend I would be hanging out with my FWB? He didn't answer. 

I get casual dating - I've done it. But please be up front about it. Why even email me if I've clearly stated I'm looking for something you're not? It is so frustrating.


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## farsidejunky

I'm sorry, Sarah.

Give him the space he wants. You deserve better.


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## SARAHMCD

farsidejunky said:


> I'm sorry, Sarah.
> 
> Give him the space he wants. You deserve better.


Thanks Far. 
I get it, he is 2 years divorced from a 22 year marriage. So he wants to explore. Understood. But why lead me on when he knew what I was looking for? He didn't think this should make a difference and even invited me out to visit him next weekend. 
I don't think he actually has anyone else, he just wants the freedom to pursue the opportunity should it arise. I guess I should appreciate his honestly now. At least he's not sneaking around and doing it anyways. 
But it is not what I want - I want the full connection. It has taught me to ask more questions and be more upfront verbally, in advance, next time. 
It's so annoying that I have to assume non-exclusivity unless I have a big talk about it almost from date 1 - which seems a bit much to me. But its obviously necessary in today's dating world. 

Back to the drawing board :frown2:


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## Chuck71

SARAHMCD said:


> Dating rant:
> 
> On my dating profile I have clearly stated I'm looking for a LTR (short term or long term dating). I also say I'm strictly monogamous. And I make a point when answering some of the questions to say although I may have had sex casually in the past a couple of times, I am now looking for LTR only, not a hook up, not ONS, not casual. I'm looking for the full connection.
> 
> So when I've dated someone who also has the same answers on his profile, why does he seem surprised when I say I want us to be exclusive? This is after a few dates and having sex together. I'm not talking about being instant boyfriend/girlfriend or having a timeline for when I want a ring on my finger. I'm very independent and like my space. I want to take things slowly. But I'm not into accumulating sex partners and worrying about STDs. So I prefer to date someone who wishes to be monogamous. While we're together, just be with me and see where it might take us. If it works out, great, otherwise we both move on. Why is this such a difficult concept for most people nowadays?
> 
> I really hit it off with this guy and he has pursued me and been very attentive (texting me multiple times a day, often chatting all evening). He keeps saying how lucky he is, complimenting me all the time on what a catch I am. Yet, he says he's not ready to take down his dating profile and be exclusive. So how special does that really make me? I asked if it would be ok if I slept with him this weekend but that next weekend I would be hanging out with my FWB? He didn't answer.
> 
> I get casual dating - I've done it. But please be up front about it. Why even email me if I've clearly stated I'm looking for something you're not? It is so frustrating.


Ouch! He liked the sex and companionship but when it came time to hide his profile....whoaaaaa

If it was on Match.... you get six months free if you do not find anyone in the first six months...

I was not going to hide my profile at any time for the first six months (if you hide it one time, Match is 

off the hook on the next six months.... nice curve huh) unless it was exclusive (bf / gf).

UG asked if I was going to take mine down (non fee site) a few weeks after we met. I agreed... we were each

seeking LTRs. Unless it would cost him free months down the road if you and him didn't pan out,

he was talking out both sides of his arse. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Sounds like you

kinda liked him.


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## farsidejunky

SARAHMCD said:


> Thanks Far.
> I get it, he is 2 years divorced from a 22 year marriage. So he wants to explore. Understood. But why lead me on when he knew what I was looking for? He didn't think this should make a difference and even invited me out to visit him next weekend.
> I don't think he actually has anyone else, he just wants the freedom to pursue the opportunity should it arise. I guess I should appreciate his honestly now. At least he's not sneaking around and doing it anyways.
> But it is not what I want - I want the full connection. It has taught me to ask more questions and be more upfront verbally, in advance, next time.
> It's so annoying that I have to assume non-exclusivity unless I have a big talk about it almost from date 1 - which seems a bit much to me. But its obviously necessary in today's dating world.
> 
> Back to the drawing board :frown2:


My suspicion? Because he wanted the goods. And he still wants them. You are being played.


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## Chuck71

farsidejunky said:


> My suspicion? Because he wanted the goods. And he still wants them. You are being played.


Yeeeeeep ......... the 4F man code


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## Chuck71

Rowan said:


> I actually met an otherwise seemingly nice, normal, guy who quickly made it pretty clear that he considered people who did online dating to be desperate and a little pathetic. Where did I meet this paragon, you ask?
> 
> Match.com.
> 
> Yeah, no hypocrisy there........:slap:


:rofl::rofl::rofl: Rhodes Scholar I see


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## Rowan

SARAHMCD said:


> But it is not what I want - I want the full connection. It has taught me to ask more questions and be more upfront verbally, in advance, next time.
> It's so annoying that I have to assume non-exclusivity unless I have a big talk about it almost from date 1 - which seems a bit much to me. But its obviously necessary in today's dating world.



Like you, I'm pretty clear in my profile that I am interested in finding someone for a long term relationship. I am not looking for a hookup or casual sex. Still, I've found that I've also had to become pretty good at saying "I like sex, I'm not repressed and I'm not a prude, but I'm also not into casual sex or friends-with-benefits. If you and I get to the point that we would like to have a sexual relationship, I will need to know that it is exclusive and monogamous. If that's a problem for you, or not what you are looking for, I completely understand. But it is a non-negotiable for me." And I say it _before_ the relationship becomes sexual.

Yes, it does send some guys running for the hills. Yes, I have had guys assume I'm either kidding or playing hard-to-get. Yes, I've had guys take it as a challenge and try to change my mind. The two relationships I've had since my divorce were with the two men who were just fine with it, appreciated my honesty, and were on the same page.


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## SARAHMCD

Rowan said:


> Like you, I'm pretty clear in my profile that I am interested in finding someone for a long term relationship. I am not looking for a hookup or casual sex. Still, I've found that I've also had to become pretty good at saying "I like sex, I'm not repressed and I'm not a prude, but I'm also not into casual sex or friends-with-benefits. If you and I get to the point that we would like to have a sexual relationship, I will need to know that it is exclusive and monogamous. If that's a problem for you, or not what you are looking for, I completely understand. But it is a non-negotiable for me." And I say it _before_ the relationship becomes sexual.
> 
> Yes, it does send some guys running for the hills. Yes, I have had guys assume I'm either kidding or playing hard-to-get. Yes, I've had guys take it as a challenge and try to change my mind. The two relationships I've had since my divorce were with the two men who were just fine with it, appreciated my honesty, and were on the same page.


I think I need to follow your lead on this one. Sex is a very important part of a compatibility check for me and I don't want to come off prudish since I'm very far from it. I like that discussion to be out in the open since I do not want a LD SO ever again. 

I'm really not sure why guys - or anyone for that matter- get freaked out over the word "exclusive". If we decide 2, 3 or 6 dates later that we really aren't compatibility sexually, or any other way, than we move on. So when I say exclusive, you're not signing up for life, you're signing up for as long as you are happy dating me.


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## dadstartingover

I'll tell you why. This will sound misogynistic and sad, but any guy who has spent time with online dating will tell you the same thing. Wanna know which gals are quick to go to bed? The ones that say they're "not interested in hooking up, so don't bother" in their profile. 

Take that for what it's worth.


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## Wolf1974

SARAHMCD said:


> I think I need to follow your lead on this one. Sex is a very important part of a compatibility check for me and I don't want to come off prudish since I'm very far from it. I like that discussion to be out in the open since I do not want a LD SO ever again.
> 
> *I'm really not sure why guys -* or anyone for that matter- get freaked out over the word "exclusive". If we decide 2, 3 or 6 dates later that we really aren't compatibility sexually, or any other way, than we move on. So when I say exclusive, you're not signing up for life, you're signing up for as long as you are happy dating me.


Part of the problem is this outlandish assumption That this applies to a whole gender. I am a guy and I have no issue with exclusive. I don't have sex with a woman unless we are exclusive period. Sometimes that can come by date two if we are really into each other. When it comes to sex I'm not interested in being just someone else In a rotation so not all guys are like this by a long shot.


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## Wolf1974

dadstartingover.com said:


> I'll tell you why. This will sound misogynistic and sad, but any guy who has spent time with online dating will tell you the same thing. Wanna know which gals are quick to go to bed? The ones that say they're "not interested in hooking up, so don't bother" in their profile.
> 
> Take that for what it's worth.


I dated non stop for 3 years online dating before I met my now Gf 2 years ago. Have never see this as my personal experience but I have heard women and men talk about this. That it invites some as a challenge. My personal opinion on profiles should be that they are short and sweet and not get into many demands or what they like or don't like. Leave that for the initial email, texting, phone conversations where you can put some context behind meaning


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## Rowan

dadstartingover.com said:


> I'll tell you why. This will sound misogynistic and sad, but any guy who has spent time with online dating will tell you the same thing. Wanna know which gals are quick to go to bed? The ones that say they're "not interested in hooking up, so don't bother" in their profile.
> 
> Take that for what it's worth.


I've been chatting with a guy for the past few days who I just realized yesterday has this very perspective. He's not even bothering to hide the fact that he assumes any woman who claims to not be interested in hooking up is just lying - playing "good girl" if you will. He also clearly thinks that _every _woman has at least a few one night stands, casual hookups and drunk one-offs in her past, and has sent at least a few naked selfies to men. He also gives the distinct impression that he "knows" that all women lie about their pasts and would never admit to being as promiscuous as they really are. He then claims to be very understanding about that sort of thing - like he's doing a woman a favor by accepting her slvtty past and playing along with her lies about it.

I actually have a very low partner count, no "wild" youth to hide, and there are no pictures of me nude floating around the internet. I'm selective with my sexuality. So, his attitude and assumptions are a complete turn off. I couldn't get off the phone fast enough last night once he started in on all this. I think he probably keeps finding women who fulfill his expectations because women who aren't that way are insulted by his assumptions and move on quickly.


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## dadstartingover

Rowan said:


> I've been chatting with a guy for the past few days who I just realized yesterday has this very perspective. He's not even bothering to hide the fact that he assumes any woman who claims to not be interested in hooking up is just lying - playing "good girl" if you will. He also clearly thinks that _every _woman has at least a few one night stands, casual hookups and drunk one-offs in her past, and has sent at least a few naked selfies to men. He also gives the distinct impression that he "knows" that all women lie about their pasts and would never admit to being as promiscuous as they really are. He then claims to be very understanding about that sort of thing - like he's doing a woman a favor by accepting her slvtty past and playing along with her lies about it.
> 
> I actually have a very low partner count, no "wild" youth to hide, and there are no pictures of me nude floating around the internet. I'm selective with my sexuality. So, his attitude and assumptions are a complete turn off. I couldn't get off the phone fast enough last night once he started in on all this. I think he probably keeps finding women who fulfill his expectations because women who aren't that way are insulted by his assumptions and move on quickly.


Rowan... you are a rare bird, young lady. Please don't change.


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## C22r

Spelling, grammar and putting themselves down on their profile totally switches me off. 

When I did OLD the number of chaps who never mentioned sex when chatting but expected it on meeting was astronomical. Bit worrying really.


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## Wolf1974

Rowan said:


> I've been chatting with a guy for the past few days who I just realized yesterday has this very perspective. He's not even bothering to hide the fact that he assumes any woman who claims to not be interested in hooking up is just lying - playing "good girl" if you will. He also clearly thinks that _every _woman has at least a few one night stands, casual hookups and drunk one-offs in her past, and has sent at least a few naked selfies to men. He also gives the distinct impression that he "knows" that all women lie about their pasts and would never admit to being as promiscuous as they really are. He then claims to be very understanding about that sort of thing - like he's doing a woman a favor by accepting her slvtty past and playing along with her lies about it.
> 
> I actually have a very low partner count, no "wild" youth to hide, and there are no pictures of me nude floating around the internet. I'm selective with my sexuality. So, his attitude and assumptions are a complete turn off. I couldn't get off the phone fast enough last night once he started in on all this. *I think he probably keeps finding women who fulfill his expectations because women who aren't that way are insulted by his assumptions and move on quickly.*


This is true. He doesn't have to be reserved with women because even if his brash style offends one 10 more will go along with it. It really does make it hard, or easier depending on your view, for women who want something of quality. All the advant of online dating


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