# I wouldn't be here...



## CursiveWritingOnTheWall

If it wasn't for a particular situation that has enabled my brain from working properly..im lost... Ill try tho. 
Hello.
I'd rather not share my name, ill just go by Cursive. Never thought I'd be pouring my heart in to a marriage and relationship forum. As of right now, there isn't much left of a once very warm heart. 
I keep thinking someone will chime in here and say "dude, just slit your wrists already" ...Trying to find humor in my life. I was once very humorous, creative, intelligent, good looking, strong. Now I feel like a 77 Toyota corolla, that worked well for 20 years, pushed out back for the dogs to pee on. My blood runs hot, then cold, my mind is scattered for miles. I really really wish I had a good ole smile to give. I'm hoping it isn't lost forever. 
Cursive


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## BeyondRepair007

CursiveWritingOnTheWall said:


> If it wasn't for a particular situation that has enabled my brain from working properly..im lost... Ill try tho.
> Hello.
> I'd rather not share my name, ill just go by Cursive. Never thought I'd be pouring my heart in to a marriage and relationship forum. As of right now, there isn't much left of a once very warm heart.
> I keep thinking someone will chime in here and say "dude, just slit your wrists already" ...Trying to find humor in my life. I was once very humorous, creative, intelligent, good looking, strong. Now I feel like a 77 Toyota corolla, that worked well for 20 years, pushed out back for the dogs to pee on. My blood runs hot, then cold, my mind is scattered for miles. I really really wish I had a good ole smile to give. I'm hoping it isn't lost forever.
> Cursive


Welcome to TAM @CursiveWritingOnTheWall 

There's a lot to unpack there in your post! One thing you won't find is anyone agreeing with your wrist-slitting statement. Nope, not here dude. Quite the opposite actually. People here have lived through some of the most horrible situations and nearly all of them have come out the other side in some ways better than before. So don't lose hope. You're in the right place.

So what's the brain thing about?

I'm guessing you're married... how long?


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## CursiveWritingOnTheWall

Yes, 12 years...and they were good years. Recently she started hesitating on a hug and welcoming kiss when I got home from work. My job keeps me away at 24 to 48 hour intervals. 
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find her doing this...I almost used the word catch, but that would be wrong, because I never suspected anything, and had no intentions on "catching" anyone doing anything like this. 
I'm nauseated all the time, and haven't ate much for the last 2 weeks.
I dont get it...
My brain isn't functioning like "me" that's what I mean by the brain thing...im stupid right now, i walk to one side of a room and can't remember why I was headed that way, then turn around and get back to the other side only to realize why I went there to begin with.
I feel incompetent, and weak, it's definitely I mind f*&% job going on here. 
Maybe I should have taken her forcefully and done the things that we did in bed, more often, like when we first met...maybe she wanted that, or wants that...if so, it's just not with me. 
I feel like walking living proof, that a person with good looks and decent income, just really doesn't mean $*^%...that being said, I'm not a conceded nor arrogant person. It's just how I feel, and these feelings are really coming out now.
I appreciate that someone somewhere read this, and I'm truly sorry if any of you have ever been dealt this hand. I didn't know...I didn't know it was like this.


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## Benbutton

Yeah it sucks. I replied to your other post just as others have. There are many here who can help you, who were where you are right now. You aren't alone.


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## Jimi007

I didn't read your other thread , I'm assuming you caught your wife cheating. I can understand the hurt... " dude just slit your wrists already " Although I think feelings like this are a natural consequence of partner infidelity. , be careful ... If you are really feeling that way you need to talk to a professional immediately. 

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

It's the gift that keeps on giving...Collateral damage....


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## Young at Heart

CursiveWritingOnTheWall said:


> Yes, 12 years...and they were good years. Recently she started hesitating on a hug and welcoming kiss when I got home from work. My job keeps me away at 24 to 48 hour intervals.
> Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find her doing this...I almost used the word catch, but that would be wrong, because I never suspected anything, and had no intentions on "catching" anyone doing anything like this.
> 
> .......Maybe I should have taken her forcefully and done the things that we did in bed, more often, like when we first met...maybe she wanted that, or wants that...if so, it's just not with me.
> 
> ...I appreciate that someone somewhere read this, and I'm truly sorry if any of you have ever been dealt this hand. I didn't know...I didn't know it was like this.


A couple of things. First I am sorry for what you are going through. 

However, life is all about free will and life can be a wonderful thing, but it takes effort.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you have been in a marriage that provided you happiness, but you and your wife have drifted apart and she may have cheated on you. It that is the case, you really need to share with people what is going on in your life.

You will find at TAM many people who have been in similar situations, if you tell them what you situation is (in detail). Then they can tell you what worked or didn't work for them in a similar situation. Just about everyone hear has been in a relationship crisis and most who have been helped by this forum or others want to give back to help others.

Good luck to you. It will be hard to deal with your problems, but if you put the effort into it, you will come out the other end with a much beter life.


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## Mr.Married

Sorry for your situation. The good news is there is nothing wrong with your brain. It’s a natural reaction to too much input. Your mind has a hard time to realign your perception of your wife vs. reality. It is if your brain is saying “Does not compute”. When a person is forced to reconstruct his reality about his wife …. Everything around you becomes in question as well. A person’s belief system is difficult to reconstruct.


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