# Is there a marriage after a tsunami?



## abetterme (Mar 8, 2012)

Since Nov. my husband told me he was unhappy in our marriage. I was too! Our resentment was high. After questioning I found out there was a friend. We started going to MC and he agree to get rid of said friend. He goes to another state for work where she also works and tells her he can't be friend but before coming home he goes to her to get papers notarized. I get angry and state we should divorce. We play as though we are working on our relationship. Things are up and down - he is upset about his dad's death year previous and not feeling supported (MLC). X-mas and New Year come and go and we re ok still in same bed but every so often he sleeps downstairs. He invites me to his compnay party in another state but also wants to have a seperate life and wants to call and ex girlfriends best friend. I state I want to seperate that he wants something different then I want. I also get on antidepressant and the fog of 3 years starts to lift. He comes back and states he wants a seperation and then divorce as well. We continue to live in same house he doesn't want to give it up, and wants it in the divorce. He sleeps in a different room but tells me goodnight every day. He starts to project all his bad feelings about himself on me. We go to a new MC who seems to get it but my husband does nothing to work on marriage just keeps going. He still has filed no papers but threatens to file papers and then goes to see a lawyer. He then whitens his teeth goes back to other state and sees OW. He comes back still going to MC but still wants divorce. Then travels back to other state again and goes to lunch with OW and comes back home and states when we get divorced he will date her. Now its March and after going to mediation and talking about custody and us not agreeing - I want more that 50/50. I know if I take him to court even if I leave it up to a judge I can get my way based on his travel with work. So a few nights ago he is distraught because I will not talk to him and he calls my mom! No his own who is crazy but my mom! She tells him that she wants us to stay together and that she wanted him to work on the marriage and that this OW is a problem in us every getting back together. He asks me if we divorce because he feels with all the things we did to eachother that we can never recover will I be his friend. I say if he dates said OW I will never talk to him again because she was the catalyst and he lied about her importance. He is said and states he doesn't want to dod this to his boys. He also believes all I do is talk badly about him. I don't I just state the facts about what he did. I also state want I did. Any advice would be great.


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