# When schedules create conflict



## SLCSoldier (Sep 9, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years, and we are going through our 5th separation in this timeframe. I know it may sound completely strange having so many separations in such a short period of time, but none of them were our choice. There separations are business (U.S. Army) related, and have absolutely nothing to do with our relationship. However, these separations do present a problem. 

While I am deployed, my wife (understandably) needs to take some time to herself; after spending an entire week at a full-time job, taking care of our son, three dogs, a cat, household chores and still manage to fit in her academics is a hefty load. Then she continually takes on additional roles, like a part-time job she created with a friend, and developing social outings for a small group she belongs too. 

I have never encouraged this behavior, it has always seemed to be overloading for her, and the fact our relationship is suffering because of it. 

She has recently begun to fall apart, loosing site of our relationship and forgetting about the precious time we have allotted for phone calls. Not to mention her inability to shuffle all her duties around; often arriving late to work, getting my son in late to school, and even forgetting to feed our pets. When we do find one another, she complains about how busy she is, how she doesn't have time for me, and how she cannot handle this lifestyle alone. But come Friday or Saturday evening, there she goes again... Off somewhere with her friends to socialize, unwind, and forget about the hectic situation she has partly created. 

So here is the biggest problem; Friday and/or Saturday are the only times I have available to really connect with her. Because of the time differences, her Friday night is my Saturday morning. So when I call hoping to have a conversation with my beloved, I am greeted with a goodbye! 

It is this scenario which has created distance in our relating, and which has created a huge conflict between us. Not to mention, I have often questioned the intentions of her friends and have even given her ultimatums, which is completely out of character for me. Recently I have begun questioning her ability to fully provide a healthy lifestyle for our son. I do not want a divorce, but I cannot continue being disregarded and forgotten about, and I cannot allow my son to be neglected.

How do I commit myself to this marriage without her changing her behavior? Am I wrong for giving her ultimatums? Am I just being selfish? Or do I allow her to continue in her direction, while I begin preparing to lose the one thing I have never wanted to lose?


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I don't really understand why she would want to overload herself like that. Life goes by way too fast and we have to fight ourselves to slow down and make time for what's important ....our loved ones. I don't think you should be issuing ultimatums but then again, I don't think she shouldn't be available to talk to you when you call. I don't understand why she wouldn't want to talk to you but then again, I've never been a spouse of a deployed spouse so maybe therr is a certain amount of moving on with life while you're gone? Btw, thank you for your service.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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