# I asked him to leave...he's gone....how to be happy again?



## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Hello everyone....so some of you may know me or my story....most of you probably not. Quick recap: Husband cheated fall of 08...it was horrible....after a few months we reconciled and tried to work it out.....I asked him to leave Dec of 09. And I guess thats where this thread begins.

I was so at peace with my decision to have him leave. It felt so right.....it felt like a huge burden was lifted off my back. No more worry or concern over what he is doing, thinking, or who he might be wanting. Financially I think I am better off with out him. Everyday life is very difficult. I work full time and I have five kids...not easy at all. And right now I am so missing my husband. I don't neccesarily want him back....I don't know maybe I do....no I don't. Maybe I'm just really lonely. Maybe I think I can't be happy without a man in my life. I don't know exactly what the issue is. Maybe I'm just not over him. 

When he first left I felt so free. It was like I didn't have to think about the whys of the affair anymore...I didn't have to feel the pain of his unfaithfullness anymore. But in reality its all still there. It hurts just as bad as before. I still want answers. I still feel so unvalued and unloved. And it doesn't help that he seems to have moved on completely with out a second glance back.

Maybe this is just all a self esteem issue with myself. I have never had great self esteem and his affair made it a hundred times worse. I just want to be happy. Happy with myself and my life. How do I get there???


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I wish I had good advice to give to help heal your pain....

I just wanted to say I admire your strength to make the decision you made. I don't know your whole situation but we share one thing...low self esteem. I know how being cheated on makes you feel and really it seems like nothing could be worse. 

You are the only person who knows deep down if you could ever accept his cheating. I know some couples who have moved past the infidelity but I think for some people, the thought of what the other spouse did will always linger and eat away at them no matter what. I was cheated on several times and am just not the kind of person who can work thru that kind of thing. 

You have five children who love and need you right now. Knowing I have to be strong for my daughter is the only thing that is helping me and my situation right now. If it weren't for her I would probably crawl in a hole and not come out for weeks.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I know it must be extremely difficult to have 5 kids and work full time as a single parent. I hope that he participates with the children.

I'd imagine you miss his presence..it just makes sense at this point. The presence of another adult in the household to lend a hand or ear. But you don't miss the drama.

Happy 101: There is no endpoint. Stop seeking for answers from him. He may never give them to you as he may not even know himself. The very act of cheating, will take a chunk out of your self worth. You are human and took a beating frankly. Allow yourself to feel those moments of loss and anger etc. It's ok.

Do things for yourself.....read a book or go to a movie but carve out the "me" time. Search for meaning in your life....some read the Bible. It's important to have fun even when you don't feel like it.

You have taken a blow but I admire your courage to kick him to the curb. Not easy. You have strength to do that....


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Don't let his unfaithfulness make you feel like you're not worthy. You sound like a very strong, wonderful woman with lots to offer. It's his loss, not yours.
My H and I just separated last month, and while my kids are grown, it's still hard to get used to being alone. But it's slowly getting better. I very rarely cry anymore. My youngest daughter still lives with me, so that helps some. My hat is off to you for raising 5 kids and being a single mom. Having kids there with you will surely keep you busy, and perhaps, not missing him.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Thanks for the words of encouragment...Let me tell you....I don't feel very strong! I feel needy and lonely. It's interesting how I am never alone (surrounded by kids constantly) yet I always feel alone. I think it will take me a while to get used to the single life. Not to mention that most of my friends are married....and its just not the same to hang around with them now, so I don't for the most part. I need to friends....where do you find new friends??? :scratchhead:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You are very brave for what you did. But think of the moral lessons you have taught those 5 kids. You have done them a lifetime of service by standing up for yourself and teaching them that women are not to be used or abused.

Time to start a new chapter in your life! Be creative. What have you always wanted to do? Find a way to incorporate that into your time with your kids (or without them!).

Volunteering comes to mind. Great for self-esteem, great to help someone less fortunate than you and to help you be grateful for what you have, and an AWESOME lesson for your kids!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Friends...new friends can come around when you start reaching for them.

Meet someone via church/volunteer/work/support groups/etc. You may need to do the inviting with someone you hit it off. Tell them that you are newly single and looking to get out more...that's honest.

That's is how I approach my life. Don't wait on someone else to invite you. Take the control.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

You have some great suggestions. I'm thinking I will start with joining a gym here locally where they play volleyball a couple of times a week. Excercise and company sounds great right now!  Gotta start somewhere!


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