# The time you decide to post your story



## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

Me 37, she is 38, not married but a "cohabitation agreement" boy and girl, 6 and 7. Bought her parents place 10 years ago and together for 20

My story? Lying in bed with my kids next to me sleeping. Ws? With her boyfriend.

Ive got a big depression. Almost a year since dday. Last week we had made it.
NC letter was sent and a year of continously working on us, the family, our house, everything. She hadnt seen him for 2 months except calls/sms.. 
We were happy. The summer was fantastic and our connection tightened.

2 weeks after nc, family gone. What?
Mil picked up my family with the gf of his dad. Drove away to him.
Apparently, they convinced my mil that she's not happy and with the reunited bond between those ( dad of ws died, mil found a new love) and off they went on their pink clouds.
Om is a piece of ****, daddy is a judge with friends and family lawyers, he got pissed. He was the one that convinced her to file a report against me for the one and only time we crossed the line, a fight. Not heavy. 
She was always angry and cold.. It escalated..
Om is in the picture since october 2013 
Colleague, what else. 
So, EA since then, calls on cell since may last year.
Pa that I assume is true. Since october 2014.
Dday for EA, called unknown nr, om tells me im going down and she went to see lawyer and doctor.
It was true. Letter demanded to leave. Who is he? Just a friend.
Left house, 2 days later we had a perfect connection with eachother. just need some space.. Blabla..
Dday for PA christmasday. remorse, we are completely honest about past and present.
Moving back in on newyearsevening.
Every 3 weeks she left for a couple of days and then came back. After letting her sign a letter that stated her promises and nc or you leave the house she didnt see him again.that was begin june.

Except 3 weeks ago she saw him at work for her papers. She lied and I felt it.
Promises made after fight. She told me she had to it way sooner. And so the nc was sent. It felt good.

And now? Despressed and after being gaslighted for 2 years I cant tell if last year was one big lie? Friends and family tell she tried her best. We were reconnected.
Im mr nice guy, she's a perfectionist and a great mother, but also on the edge of borderline, never her fault...

Its hard, being alone with my kids. School starts in a week, its a big house. Cooking cleaning being left alone and 100% sure that she sees this as a holiday. We were so perfect and have got the best kids im the world. still want to reconcile. 
Help me please. Im a wreck.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I can't follow your narrative at all, but I'm sorry you're here. You're incorrect in saying you were "so perfect." Clearly, you were not. 

So she has abandoned her kids and her parents are ok with that?


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

Sorry for the rambling. But yes, she is gone because het mother told her she is not happy. 
If its too long and didnt read.
She was a waw. Got into fight. Om white knight and filed policereport.
We reconnected. Got back together, she saw him every 3 weeks. 
Ive read emails between them and he didnt know we were living together. So she lied to him.
She was relieved when nc letter was sent. but om couldnt handle his loss and told my mother in law that im a controlling sob. And voila..


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

Ok lets start over 
As brief as possible.
October 2013, she falls in love 
May 2014, starts calling him 
October 2014 fight and dday EA, left house. Started operation "nice her out"
Newyear 2015, back in one house.
June. She promises its done.
3 weeks ago. Discovered emails. She tried to not see him but still lies about us.
She promises me that she wants me. Nc email is sent.
2 weeks ago. Om still thinks i am wifebeater and tells mil I am too controlling and not happy.
She left with kids to him. Sends me a letter written by lawyer that this ends.
As from monday. Depressed but kids are back with me.


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

I just dont know what to do. I know that she tried but with the help from her family she had finally some support. I know she's not happy. She cannot miss her kids. She loves the house and I know she loves me. But on the otherhand. Madly in love, a guy with a bigger **** then me that constantly tells her I am not respecting her. I even cannot send her mails without thinking he will persuade her to take it all from me.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, HAVE you hit her? Is there any truth to these claims that you're controlling?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You were trying to 'nice her back?' If you read anything on here, you know that wont work. You have to set down boundaries but because you didn't I'm afraid you have to change your tactics.
You have to go 180 on her no more 'nicing her back'. What actually happened when you fought, have you been physical with her? Why was she unhappy exactly? It appears everyone already knows what is happening, your friends, family, her family, her friends?

How old are the kids? 

Just trying to understand what is happening.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, HAVE you hit her? Is there any truth to these claims that you're controlling?


Yes sharp, this is going to be the difference, in who needs to do the heavy lifting...


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

The 180 | AFFAIRCARE

It might help 'you'...

Best


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

I have not hit her but there was hairpulling, got scratches on my face and she had a few bruises on her leg. From the beginning she told me we started together, a week later we had counceling for the next 2 months. 
Like I told, had the impression she was a waw so did everything I could ( quitting jobs, bringing back romance not sex..)
I am a very empathic man and cant get over the feeling that I was being trapped. A reason to get me out of the house. ... 

That fight, we have talked alot about it. She told her best friend I am not to blame, therapist told her I am not to blame. That fight was long forgotten...


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

And that was the reason I wanted to nice her out.. // and it worked. Untill mil was convinced her daughter was not happy. 
Controlling as in getting evidence that she was cheating? euhm yes.
A controlling man in the relationship? Never, she was the "leader of the house", she couldnt handle it all because of my shiftjob. And clearly wanted out. but i did all to prove I could be the man she wanted.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Are you saying that her mother is facilitating this affair between your wife and the other man?

What does her mother have against you, and why is your mother in law also walking all over you?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

#1 You need to see a lawyer this week. Write down some notes for yourself so that while you are speaking to the lawyer you do not miss out on any details.

Find out what your rights are as the custodial parent.
Do not make any contact with your wife or your mother in law until you have first spoken to a lawyer.

Do not ever be around your wife without a 3rd part present. Meet with her in public if you have to exchange your children.

Do not let your wife into the house unless the police are present, call the police ahead of time and ask for a standby.

If you fail to follow through with these suggestions, you may lose your right to see your children and end up with domestic violence charges.

Her mother is a total b¡tch, and will stop at nothing to destroy you.


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

Me and her mother always had a difficult relation. But long time forgiven. In the beginning on dday she told me she was 100% behind me and that her daughter is a sl*t. Even told that to my parents in june. OM preached to her that she is not happy because she has got the right to talk to everyone she wants. That I cannot control her.( nc letter sent, she switched cellphonenr, we had shared our google accounts and her gps was constantly on. And she wanted to give that to me because that was the only way to prove to me she was serious)
The moment mil arrived at the house my wife told me she didnt know what was happening. That she tried reasoning with her. Like telling come back in a few weeks and ask me then if i am unhappy.
Our neighbours heard them having a fight. But she went with her and didnt come back.. ....


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

This thread should be in the oping with infidelity section. You will get a lot more advice there.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

gouge_away said:


> #1 You need to see a lawyer this week. Write down some notes for yourself so that while you are speaking to the lawyer you do not miss out on any details.
> 
> Find out what your rights are as the custodial parent.
> Do not make any contact with your wife or your mother in law until you have first spoken to a lawyer.
> ...


This! Also, Get a VAR and keep it with you when you are around her, and or her family again. Hate to say it, but you are in for rough divorce ride.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to talk to your lawyer about him. How does your wife know him?


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

So yes, OM has won, his plan to bring me down has worked. He is trying to sue me. 
MIL is walking over me and is probably trying to get me out of her old house because daughter still not happy 
My wife? Probably in the fog and on the fence, grieving for her loss but also ..in love. and not wanting anything bad happen to me.
Me? Scared as hell that if I say something wrong, i lose it all because of " the fight"
Gaslighted for 2 years, doing the heavylifting for 1. And now? Depressed, confused. 
What if she still is waiting for me to be the white knight?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Hs using his lawyer experience to intimidate you. GET A LAWYER. Preferably one that hates him, lol


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

well, dude you're in good company. probably every one of us has told our story on here, including me. and it's amazing how similar they are.

you do need to clear a few things up for us to respond better.

1. this physical altercation you had with 'hairpulling', you with scratched face, her with bruised leg.
was that literal 'hairpulling'? what actually happened? did you hit her first, or did she hit you first?

2. OM. so i take it, that your wife has been telling lies to OM about your relationship? what exactly does she tell him?
you say you've been together 20 years and have kids. that's makes you common law. husband and wife no matter what, if you have piece
of paper or not, you are husband and wife. so this POSOM must know this except for 'what lies your wife is telling him'.
i don't care what kind of problems you are having, including abuse (not saying there is any), this other guy has NO RIGHT to steal another mans wife
and that makes MIL an accessory to adultery. try to explain this a bit better though. it's coming across foggy.

we know you're in a lot of pain. we've been there. this (and friends, counseling, confidants, et) is the place to be.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Ask a moderator to move this to coping with infidelity. Deejo, amplexor and El Girl are moderators.


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

I am glad that I can write it off.
The biggest questions right now 
Did I do wrong with asking to send a nc letter? 
Was I supposed to believe her?
Should I continue to let everyone know the truth? Even if it means losing the house?
Should I accept this all and continue as a single dad in a big house?
Start all over and let her have all the things we worked for together?

Its too complicated and confusing while focussing on my kids with a big depression.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why are you putting so much stock into what OM and your MIL state about your wife's happiness? You've stated several times that OM says your wife is unhappy, that MIL says your wife is unhappy, even that OM TELLS her she's unhappy? Can't this woman think for herself? 

Why is the OM threatening to sue you? For what?


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

That is the biggest question. Is she letting others to take the blame? Till the bitter end? Does she think this is just a holiday and will come back when the feelings are over? To never to think again how it would have been with him?
That is what I think.

OM is the white knight with a family of judges and lawyers. 
If she decides that she wants to live in the house, he and she will have an easy time to prove Our one time fight. 

But I can do the same, got it on audio that I am not to blame. Got all the affairdetails with proof. But I just want to work on us and our kids.

No, she cant think for herself. She's (i think) on the fence waiting what he or me will do. 

My gut says. 180 and be happy that she wants me to be happy and get to keep the house. 
So, asap signing papers and be done with it. But then the door will be closed. 
Or giving it a few weeks? Let her have her "space" and see what happens?
Not what I want to do right now knowing she listens to him.


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

Wow, serious delay in updating this threas. Didnt see your reply's untill my last post. I will give all details in a few hours, got cleaning and cooking to do right now. Wish me luck


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## sharp (Apr 8, 2015)

And please move this to coping with infidelity, that was my only strength during this year😐


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

dadsdivorce.com

Also look into the state bar association about his ethics.


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