# I hate my wife's ex



## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Okay, here is the story I have been married for a little over 2 years my wife and I have had our problems in the past. Well I found out last Christmas that my wife cheated on me with her ex here is the story she gave me ( bare in mind she has only lied to me once before about anything) I remember the day in question I told her I wanted a divorce we were having serious problems I left for the weekend with friends during this time apparently she called up her ex and went over to his place hung out for a bit sometime that evening she says "she was forced into sex" I asked how far it went she said "He took my pants off and started to stick his penis in, then I started crying and ended it and left" remember I found out last Christmas this was a full 2 years after it happened. My question is how the hell do I get over this? I always said anybody who ever cheated on me I would dump but I said that before I was married so I didn't leave but I have been dealing with these horrible feelings for almost a year. I resent her on a weekly basis we have ran into the ex a couple times in the last couple months and my blood boils I just want to pound his face in especially this last time. We were walking in to the liquor store after a great movie and he was there saw us and just had a smile on his face. I am hurting inside and lashing out on my wife when I feel this way it ruined our night and I am tired of this. I welcome any suggestions and I would really like to hear other peoples views from being in the somewhat same position.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

If she was forced into sex, insist that she files a rape charge. Try to say that with straight face.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Yeah I thought about that actually it's been so long now I don't think it really matters but I agree with you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Your wife is lying.

If I had a penny for every time a BS posted in here that their WS "Was forced into sex" I`d have a couple hundred bucks.

She went to him intending to **** him and then she ****ed him, you found out so she`s minimizing as best she can.

She`s lying.

I want you to think back to that fight the night she ****ed him.
Looking back does it seem like she instigated a fight?
Does it seem like she wanted the fight?

Many WS will engineer a fight so they have an excuse to be gone for the evening so they can **** their AP.

Your wife is lying to you and the smile on the AP`s face is because thinks he`s pulling one over on you.

She`s making a fool of you.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

How did you find out, she told you, you found things and forced it out of her?

Is she still in contact with him? Have you checked to make sure she still isn't communicating with him, phone, facebook, IM, tweet, pigeon carrier?

If she's still contacting him, I highly doubt I would buy the story that he forced her to do anything.

And if he did force her, goto the cops and file charges, guys like that need to be off the streets so they don't rape someone else.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Well, we all know she won't press charges anyway. She will have however to explain what happened in more realistic way.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Okay, here is the story I have been married for a little over 2 years my wife and I have had our problems in the past. Well I found out last Christmas that my wife cheated on me with her ex here is the story she gave me ( bare in mind she has only lied to me once before about anything) I remember the day in question I told her I wanted a divorce we were having serious problems I left for the weekend with friends during this time apparently she called up her ex and went over to his place hung out for a bit sometime that evening she says "she was forced into sex" I asked how far it went she said "He took my pants off and started to stick his penis in, then I started crying and ended it and left" remember I found out last Christmas this was a full 2 years after it happened. My question is how the hell do I get over this? I always said anybody who ever cheated on me I would dump but I said that before I was married so I didn't leave but I have been dealing with these horrible feelings for almost a year. I resent her on a weekly basis we have ran into the ex a couple times in the last couple months and my blood boils I just want to pound his face in especially this last time. We were walking in to the liquor store after a great movie and he was there saw us and just had a smile on his face. I am hurting inside and lashing out on my wife when I feel this way it ruined our night and I am tired of this. I welcome any suggestions and I would really like to hear other peoples views from being in the somewhat same position.


Was her ex ever abusive? because I'm tempted to call BS on her version of the story


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

tacoma said:


> If I had a penny for every time a BS posted in here that their WS "Was forced into sex" I`d have a couple hundred bucks.


That, or sudden rush of remorse right at the start of intercourse. It's almost as if OM misses the vagina and hits the conscience instead


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

A little more back history at the time I was/had been treating my wife like garbage looking back on it I was pushing her away. Anyways she told me 2 days before Christmas she said the guilt was killing her and she thought if she had told me close to around the time it happened I wouldn't of handled it the way I did when she did decide to tell me, and she is correct I was a different person back then. Yes I have checked phone records, e-mails all that jazz for almost a year and nothing my trust in her is building but not all the way there yet.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Sounds like the guy effed your wife, and had the nerve to gloat about it at the liquor store. Scumbag! Sorry you are here. 

Sexual assault is a serious charge; did your wife begin to act differently after it happened? Can you think back to that point? IE if he forced himself on her, she'd likely have bruising and pain, marks on her body from being held down, etc. Not many rapists are given the opportunity to just simply stick their penises in without even a little resistance from the woman. Not to mention the emotional and psychological trauma AND shame of being raped. No fun.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Yes not physically abusive but he dated her old best friend and forced himself on her as well. So it has happened before which leads me to believe she is telling the truth and she is not a big liar never has been.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Why did she tell you this on Christmas? Way to taint a holiday forever. Does OM have a wife or girlfriend? Could anyone force your wife into her semi-confession?


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

No bruising that I remember I believe personally that she was going to let it happen but decided not to at the last minute or she is flat out full of ****. Maybe I will never know


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

I have no idea why she picked Christmas and yes it prob. have ruined my Christmas forever and no not that I know of today is one of those days I am thinking about it and I finally decided to post here.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

When a man forces himself on a woman, it hurts; there are bruises on the outside and inside! Personally I think your wife is lying.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> Yes not physically abusive but he dated her old best friend and forced himself on her as well. So it has happened before which leads me to believe she is telling the truth and *she is not a big liar never has been*.


:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

What? You realize she went to a another man's house late at night to 'hang out' with someone she had sexual relations with. 

She also kept this from you for more than a year and shes somehow not a liar?

Sorry but thats some massive denial. 

Also if he did force himself on her then simply file for rape. 

Just because he did it before doesn't mean he did it this time, ESPECIALLY when shes the one who went over there. The story is crap too.

"Hmm, go to the house of a confirmed rapist who raped a close friend of mine, and go there while its' late at night, seems legit."

If you believe that, than for five thousand dollars I have a small planet I could sell you, all I need is your bank information.

The only evidence you have is what she told you,(which amounts to sh!t from a cheater) but the desperation you're feeling to reconcile is clouding your thought processes. 

If she told you the moon was made of swiss cheese you might believe that if it'd help the marriage from your perspective.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Yes not physically abusive but he dated her old best friend and forced himself on her as well. So it has happened before which leads me to believe she is telling the truth and she is not a big liar never has been.


You realize this makes no sense whatsoever right? Let's call it what it is and stop mincing words. When a man forces himself on a woman and penetrates her with his penis, it's called *RAPE*. She knew her ex allegedly raped her former best friend, yet she goes to him? Seriously? My detector is going off.










She's making this up so that her own story will be more believable....to you anyways. And why is this known rapist not in jail?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ What LM said sums up my thoughts perfectly, plus the cool gif. 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

This is my read from what you posted:

*She banged her XBF because she was mad at you.*

It's just that simple, she just won't admit it. Now, what measures have you taken to ensure there is no further contact. Now I know it sucks that this XBF was smiling when he saw you. But keep in mind, he wouldn't be smiling in your face if your WW hadn't knowingly and wilfully gone over to his place and had sex with him. Your WW is fully responsible for this.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Complexity said:


> Was her ex ever abusive? because I'm tempted to call BS on her version of the story


lol, tempted? thats a nice way to put it.

TAM Definition: _"tempted to say" _= She's full of sh*t. But I'm leaving a benefit of the doubt 'out'. 

As was pointed out, 'if i had a penny'.... It's crap. With 100% confidence, that story is a load of sh*t.

My god, thats one of the worst scenario / excuse /stories that cheaters come up with.. it's so incredibly common to hear some version of that story yet its probably the most absurd and absolutely inconcievable lie imaginable. "we didnt finish"... lol. Maybe thats why it works on some people? I think it lies in the victims 'want to' believe that it goes over, I mean come on. 

Sorry man, no grey area there. That's a dead lie. What happened you may never know, but rest assured that is a painfully common lie.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> You realize this makes no sense whatsoever right? Let's call it what it is and stop mincing words. When a man forces himself on a woman and penetrates her with his penis, it's called *RAPE*. *She knew her ex allegedly raped her former best friend, yet she goes to him? Seriously? My detector is going off.*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Precisely.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> Yes not physically abusive but he dated her old best friend and forced himself on her as well. So it has happened before which leads me to believe she is telling the truth and she is not a big liar never has been.


But then again, because he is her "ex", she should have already known whether he was capable of such an act. In other words, he was not a stranger to her as they have a shared history together.

Personally, I'm not buying her story, that she was "forced". This is an "ex". She ran to him when the two of you were having problems. She must have felt comforted by him at that time. Any closeness with him would have been or should have been expected from him under the circumstances. I assume this happened at his residence? She went there to see him alone? They have a history? Well there you go.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Yes your right I want to believe the story with everything in me, but my gut is working overtime on this one and it's probably right you're all prob. right. I do want to beat the ex to a bloody pulp but I have anger issues and I really don't want to go to jail. I have before a couple years ago I saw him and pulled a knife on him he ran back into the bar and wouldn't come out. I don't want to go there again I just want to get over this crap and live my life but I am finding it impossible.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Suppose she admits that she consensually had sex with him, but trickle truthed you to save face. Where do you want to go from there?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Yes your right I want to believe the story with everything in me, but my gut is working overtime on this one and it's probably right you're all prob. right. I do want to beat the ex to a bloody pulp but I have anger issues and I really don't want to go to jail. I have before a couple years ago I saw him and pulled a knife on him he ran back into the bar and wouldn't come out. I don't want to go there again *I just want to get over this crap and live my life but I am finding it impossible*.


Maybe, because, your wife is holding you back? 

Prepare to let her go both emotionally and physically. You should find that very enlightening. When you dont fear letting her go, you'll find you can make life decisions clearer.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

I honestly don't know maybe some counseling to get over it and put it behind me. I have always said once a cheater always a cheater so far it's been true.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

aug said:


> Maybe, because, your wife is holding you back?
> 
> Prepare to let her go both emotionally and physically. You should find that very enlightening. When you dont fear letting her go, you'll find you can make life decisions clearer.


I like that mind set, of course there are children involved and what not which makes it difficult. The fact that it has been so long makes it feel weird to be angry and hurt over something that happened so long ago but obviously it is fresh on my mind.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> Yes your right I want to believe the story with everything in me, but my gut is working overtime on this one and it's probably right you're all prob. right. I do want to beat the ex to a bloody pulp but I have anger issues and I really don't want to go to jail. I have before a couple years ago I saw him and pulled a knife on him he ran back into the bar and wouldn't come out. I don't want to go there again I just want to get over this crap and live my life but I am finding it impossible.


Yes, you probably do need counseling for your anger issues. This is a man that you previously pulled a knife on; the same man that your wife ran to for comfort. Do you not see the irony here?

My female instinct tells me that your W is playing the both of you against each other while she sits in the corner, eating her cake and watching. Is she amused by all of this "entertainment". She sleeps with her EX and now her H wants to kill the EX? She even tells a ridiculous story to you about him forcing himself on her in order to egg it on? Perhaps you are angry with the wrong person here.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Okay, here is the story *I have been married for a little over 2 years *my wife and I have had our problems in the past. Well I found out last Christmas that my wife cheated on me with her ex here is the story she gave me ( bare in mind she has only lied to me once before about anything) I remember the day in question I told her I wanted a divorce we were having serious problems I left for the weekend with friends during this time apparently she called up her ex and went over to his place hung out for a bit sometime that evening she says "she was forced into sex" I asked how far it went she said "He took my pants off and started to stick his penis in, then I started crying and ended it and left" remember *I found out last Christmas this was a full 2 years after it happened.* My question is how the hell do I get over this? I always said anybody who ever cheated on me I would dump but I said that before I was married so I didn't leave but I have been dealing with these horrible feelings for almost a year. I resent her on a weekly basis we have ran into the ex a couple times in the last couple months and my blood boils I just want to pound his face in especially this last time. We were walking in to the liquor store after a great movie and he was there saw us and just had a smile on his face. I am hurting inside and lashing out on my wife when I feel this way it ruined our night and I am tired of this. I welcome any suggestions and I would really like to hear other peoples views from being in the somewhat same position.


Can you clear this up?

You're married for 2 years. This "rape" happened 3 years ago? Were you engaged at the time?


BTW, she's not telling you the whole truth. I dont know who she's protecting? Herself? Her ex? Or, you?

If at such a new marriage, she's not able to tell you the truth or confide in you, then you will have a very difficult marriage ahead of you. Might be worth it to move on, especially if there are no kids.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> I like that mind set, of course *there are children involved* and what not which makes it difficult. The fact that it has been so long makes it feel weird to be angry and hurt over something that happened so long ago but obviously it is fresh on my mind.



Okay, just read this.

Kids involved. Get paternity tests done on them.

Her ex gave you that smile. He could still be doing her and be the biological father.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Sorry I have been married for 2 1/2 years and the rape happened a month after we got married.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> Sorry I have been married for 2 1/2 years and the rape happened a month after we got married.


There was no rape.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Sorry I have been married for 2 1/2 years and the rape happened a month after we got married.


Well, this is not good. A month after marriage and she's fvcking her ex already! That hurts.

She was still in her honeymoon mode at that time. She should had been so into you at that point.

Have your kids tested for paternity. These tests are very cheap, around $100.

Prepare yourself to move on.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Just go the ex's house and mention to him "I don't make threats, I eliminate them". Then go to your wife tell her to come clean or GTFO.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jlock111 said:


> Sorry I have been married for 2 1/2 years and the rape happened a month after we got married.


You mean "she commited adultory 2-1/2 years ago"


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Yes 2 1/2 years ago sorry everyone I am at work and had to type fast.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

I just brought it up to my wife via text I have been in let's just say a bad mood the last couple of days about this. And she says I need to take responsibility on my part for what caused her to go to her ex what do you all think about this?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

jlock111 said:


> I just brought it up to my wife via text I have been in let's just say a bad mood the last couple of days about this. And she says I need to take responsibility on my part for what caused her to go to her ex what do you all think about this?


There are always two people involved in issues in a marriage so you have (and have admitted to) responsibilities for the problems.

BUT she's the one who took it outside the marriage. Don't let her push this back on you.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

joint responsibility in marriage.

100% responsibility on her part for her affair. 

So, if you go out to have an affair now, is it her fault? Do you have enough integrity not to do so?


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Yeah I am not going to let her do it this time, period. She says I have no idea how much this tears her up inside, I said I can't just push it under the rug like she can and she said she is not going to let it ruin her life every time we see him.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Yeah I am many things but absolutely not a cheater never have never will.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Yeah I am not going to let her do it this time, period. *She says I have no idea how much this tears her up inside, I said I can't just push it under the rug like she can and she said she is not going to let it ruin her life every time we see him.*


She still likes him. She messed up, she needs to clean it up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you find you cannot get over your resentment for her, I would seriously consider a divorce.

That dude smiling at you with a smirk--he knows.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> There was no rape.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

There was no rape sir. A cheating spouse will do anything to minimize, justify, reduce guilt by changing the story a little. If you stick around here for a while you will see EXACT stories like yours. I can remember on in particular where a woman went and had sex with a man in the car, had sex for 10 seconds started crying and ended up with herpes. Oh wait, I forgot she pulled a trickle truth move at first and told her husband she only gave him oral......Seriously, there was no rape.

Another example, BS finds out his dying father had sex with his wife for years. He found out when his father was on his deathbed, she called it RAPE....everytime??

Got it, if its rape then PRESS CHARGES, if not then it isn't rape, because rape is serious. I never recommend poly because its not worth it and once you start resorting to the polygraph you'll only find out what your gut knew from the start.
This was full blown "i'm so sad give me sex" sex. You should be angry at her, and not the ex, why do they even communicate?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Look man hate to be the bearer of BAD news.

But she is lying unbelievable BIG TIME..

1, me *( bare in mind she has only lied to me once before about anything) me ( bare in mind she has only lied to me once before about anything)*

And you know this how?

2, *I remember the day in question I told her I wanted a divorce we were having serious problems I left for the weekend with friends.* Ok

So she is so upset that she: *during this time apparently she called up her ex and went over to his place hung out for a bit* sometime during that evening her EX forces him del n her.Sounds strange. Hmm of all the people she could have called Up, she choses her EX to hang out with. Seriously??? Sorry it doesn’t ad up. Unless they 
Have been staying in touch all along.

The truth in my opinion is that they never cut any contact
at all. Not very unlikely that they have been seeing each other, and staid in contact one with each other one way or another. I mean think about it one month after the wedding, her EX should not have ben on her radar.
Sorry but I don’t think this was one time deal.


She was more probably forced to tell you for some reason. 

She was forced? Yeah right. I guaranty you 
That you would have noticed a very strange behavior
From her.

*There is a reason her EX had the big smirk on his face.
hardly something a rapist would have shown.*


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> Look man hate to be the bearer of BAD news.
> 
> But she is lying unbelievable BIG TIME..
> 
> ...


Yeah I know they were talking all a long leading up to the day in question I found this out back then I knew they were talking I had a feeling but I chose to ignore it. And look where it got me.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

jlock111 said:


> Yeah I know they were talking all a long leading up to the day in question I found this out back then I knew they were talking I had a feeling but I chose to ignore it. And look where it got me.


My exWife had a 2 year affair. i tried to reconcile.
So there is no shame in it.

But in your case. Considering the short time together
and your statment :*Yeah I know they were talking all a long leading up to the day in question* And not much, personal and monetary invested.
My advice would be to move on.And work on your anger problem.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Jonesey said:


> But in your case. Considering the short time together and your statment :*Yeah I know they were talking all a long leading up to the day in question* And not much, personal and monetary invested.
> My advice would be to move on.And work on your anger problem.


I agree he should bail in a childless marriage. But, they have children together.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> I agree he should bail in a childless marriage. But, they have children together.


His children will be fine..

There are no reason to stay miserable for ever
with a "wife" that ha been lying all a long true
there entire "marriage". And still do.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jlock,

You have not left your wife so you obvious;y love her still.

Can I recommend a course of action.

Pack a suitcase full fo your wifes clothes. Ask her to take a ride with you.

Do not let her see the bag.

Go to the "ex's" home or place of business. Where ever you know he will be.

Speak to him with your wife right in front of you.

"If you ever screw my wife again, I will make your life a nightmare. I will drop her off with the kids so they can be your problem. If you ever smile in my presence I will wipe it off your face in front of all your friends and then I will sue your ass off.

Do you think its funny now???"

Drop the bag and walk away from both of them.

If your wife grabs her bag and gets back in the car tell her you might have been an ass in the past but you would never cheat in her or disprespect her. 

Please give me the same respect!"

And then go home.

If she does not follow you. Problem solved either way.

Confront the problem. Not with violence. With the truth right in their faces.

HM64


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I think a lot of posters are letting you off the hook. This is a sad situation, but..............you have anger issues, you fought with your wife, kicked her out, told her you were done and that you were divorcing her. Then you left town with "friends".

Number one with out hearing her side, it looks like you have left out a lot of info. If she were that unworthy all she had to do was keep her mouth shut whether it was rape or not. We are a little jaded here so we all suspect it wasn't rape. However,if it wasn't why did she tell you? Why was her conscience bothering her so badly she had to tell you? I tend to believe her since I see no upside for her telling you except that she thinks she should have told what happened to her friend happened to her. Only 20% of affairs ever come to light, she could have easily took this to her grave. Unlike most of the cheaters we see, she has a conscience, thats why I think she is telling the truth.

If you showed the ex you were willing to cut him I wouldn't worry about him any longer either. I'm sure he goes around keeping an eye out for you thinking he could be attacked at any time.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> Yeah I thought about that actually it's been so long now I don't think it really matters but I agree with you.


It does matter. DO IT!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> This is my read from what you posted:
> 
> *She banged her XBF because she was mad at you.*
> 
> It's just that simple, she just won't admit it. Now, what measures have you taken to ensure there is no further contact. Now I know it sucks that this XBF was smiling when he saw you. But keep in mind, he wouldn't be smiling in your face if your WW hadn't knowingly and wilfully gone over to his place and had sex with him. Your WW is fully responsible for this.


:iagree:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> yes, you probably do need counseling for your anger issues. This is a man that you previously pulled a knife on; the same man that your wife ran to for comfort. Do you not see the irony here?
> 
> My female instinct tells me that your w is playing the both of you against each other while she sits in the corner, eating her cake and watching. Is she amused by all of this "entertainment". She sleeps with her ex and now her h wants to kill the ex? She even tells a ridiculous story to you about him forcing himself on her in order to egg it on? Perhaps you are angry with the wrong person here.


she's setting you up!


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

jlock111 was your WW still married when you met her and started going out?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> I just brought it up to my wife via text I have been in let's just say a bad mood the last couple of days about this. And she says I need to take responsibility on my part for what caused her to go to her ex what do you all think about this?


She just admitted she did it in retaliation.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> Yeah I am not going to let her do it this time, period. She says I have no idea how much this tears her up inside, I said I can't just push it under the rug like she can and *she said she is not going to let it ruin her life every time we see him.*


That's because she still has feelings for him.

You need to take an account of what you have done that made her feel unwanted by you. There is more to this.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

For you to recover this marriage you need to move far away to go NC with the OM. At least two long days driving by car. It seems that you live too close or the town is too small because you are always running into the OM.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jlock111 said:


> I just brought it up to my wife via text I have been in let's just say a bad mood the last couple of days about this. And she says I need to take responsibility on my part for what caused her to go to her ex *what do you all think about this?*


I think the correct response is to DNA the kids and see a divorce lawyer.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I agree with paternity testing the kids. It's cheap and buys you tremendous amount of peace of mind.


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## ShadowOfDoubt (Aug 5, 2012)

1)	I question the timing of her Christmas revelation. No one would wait two years to dump this on someone right before Christmas. I believe there were things going on in the background that she was afraid you'd find out about. She told you enough to deflect anything you might find out. She did it to protect herself and to control your reaction. She did not tell you because of her conscience/virtues.

2)	She couldn't tell you what had happened back then because you were a bad husband, but with this terrible secret kept from you, she was comfortable enough with you to have children? This doesn't make sense to me.

I believe the relationship with her ex started about a month after you were married and continued. At some point, they may have had difficulties and he threatened to tell you. Or, someone else knew, and threatened to tell. She came partially clean with you to protect herself - a chess move. To soften the blow, she wants you to think it was your fault. Lots of calculations are being made by her about who you are, what you'll accept, and how to manipulate you.

You need to DNA the kids.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Jonesey said:


> His children will be fine..
> 
> There are no reason to stay miserable for ever
> with a "wife" that ha been lying all a long true
> there entire "marriage". And still do.


It's that kind of flippant view of the effect of divorce on children that has helped lead to our current divorce epidemic. Children of divorce are usually damaged by the divorce. Can they be better off than if their parents stayed together? Sometimes, yes. Often, no.

Children do, and should, complicate the matter of divorce. People with children should try harder to stay married than people without.


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