# Unhappy in my marriage



## feeling_unhappy (Sep 22, 2013)

I am a new member here, and have had some issues in my marriage I'd like some advice on. Let me give you the background. I met my wife in a sexual way at first, we started hooking up and after a while we developed feelings for one another. After some time we were not careful enough and 6 months in I found out she was pregnant. Being moral and wanting to do the right thing, I asked her to marry me. We have now been married for a year and a half and have a 1 year old son. Things were rough in the beginning and I found myself very angry and controlling, which those feelings have all subsided at this point but the pain remains. She has 3 children of her own that live with us. Our philosophy on things has differed in many situations, and caused arguments many times.

At this point, I feel like things were headed downhill. I've found myself seeking out other women and actually have one right now who I am seeing on a regular basis, more than once a week. We are emotionally and sexually involved and have been for about 3 weeks now. I feel things are moving forward with her and she wants to spend more and more time with me. She does not know that I am married, and my wife knows nothing of her. It just feels so right being with her, she is 14 years younger than my wife who is in her late 30's. I am in my late 20's. We didn't have much time together before children were involved and I just feel that we have a disconnect that cannot be overcome. My feelings of unhappiness were strong before I met this new woman, but since I met her it's grown much stronger.

I feel like life is falling apart around me. I talked with a therapist who told me that things aren't looking good for my marriage, and I have scheduled several follow up appointments and feel that him and I really have a connection and that he can help. He says I have a low self worth and in a way I think that is true. My wife is overweight and does not take care of herself, and this new girl I've been seeing is very good looking and takes care of herself so that she can make me happy. She is very fit and in shape. I like that about a woman. I've tried talking to my wife about that stuff but it just makes her angry and she seems to gain more weight and care less.

Our sex (between me and the wife) has been nil. I've been with the new woman 3 times and it is great, better than I've ever had before and we both almost feel like a "spiritual" connection to each other. I've been considering divorce and my therapist asked me if I would have gotten married to my wife had it not been for our child, I told him no. The only reason I am afraid is because of my child. I don't want him to grow up not knowing me or messed up because of my decision. But at the same time I don't want him to be in a broken home where his parents aren't happy with each other. I've already been through that. I feel like I'm past the point of no return and my new relationship has shown me that I really am not happy, even if I don't end up with the girl I'm seeing now. I plan on telling her tomorrow that I have a child but I get the feeling she will be ok with that, she loves kids..

This has all been very hard to talk about and type out but I feel that it has helped. Any advice would be appreciated, hopefully somebody else out there has been through this and can offer some help.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Well you have a therapist who is already giving you advice. I cant really see what anyone on here can give you. 
Your life is 'messed' up as you yourself realise. Your wife is a lot older than you and that was no good to start with.
Your son whatever you do wont be having a 'stable' home. Dont be so sure that a girl youve known for just three weeks will stick by you. 
Best to end it I think with your wife.


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