# help



## Helpmehelpus (Mar 1, 2009)

First timmer here! Hello people, I will try to fill you in on the last 6 years the best I can so bear with me please. For starters, the reason Im here, of couse! Well after six years of marriage and knowing eachother and dating almost two years prior we are now in counseling (my idea) We will say my name is JOE anyway I knew we were have problems for a while and she wasnt getting any release.
About us: I am somewhat fit very active in everything and anything We own our home (not paid yet of couse) we have 2 beautiful children 4 and 5 boy and girl one car payment (HERS) she need to have the safest and best for the kids and so i wouldnt have to worry about them and I have two vehicles that are paid off. We both are country kinda people shes more OLD fashioned hillbilly that I am but where our diffrences are is She is a worry wert and worries about how we are going to do this and pay that, she needs to do the dishes, or laundry or check on the children. We have a nice size garage with a wood burnner in it and plenty of heat. I like to spend time in the garage! Its another place we can ALL go in the winter instead of going somewhere spending $ on gas and what not. But I have made it as comfortable as I can for all of us. TV with cable the children have thier own card table and chairs to color on a what ever else. A fridge to keep all our adult beverages and other stuff in, A home stereo, Ping Pong table which she had gotten me for my birthday for all of us ( I love ping pong) it also doubles graet as a BEER PONG table LOL. Dart board. So its not always just for me ecsape the family, which sometimes I do (like most of us men right) usually working on one of the three vehicles or fixin something! Any way!
My wife doesnt enjoy any of this with me at all hardly, I live in the now, worry about today and if we make it through today we are blessed, but then shes always got something in the back of her head asking when is this or that going to get done? Or how are we going to pay this? Not that I dont think about it but I put it aside for a day or a few hours and live alittle. I know this is bad but I have even told her that she was boring! Damn ill take this one to my grave! But wouldnt she want to change a little?
I am a truck driver(I know, I know) just started about 6 months ago. I am gone two weeks and home for two days on weekend then back out for two weeks then home on weekend for three days! We both discussed this change before I made it and it came down to we have to sacrafice somethings to make better money right? The job I left wasnt really much diffrent I had wierd hours, didnt get to see family much and was home everyday though. But they kept sending me home early, guttin hours.ect.. So basically Im just making alot more money than what I was which has help that part of our marriage some. She has a good paying job as well working in a correctional facility.
We talk on the phone everyday more than once and with the children as well. But she has a habit of calling me and asking about why this bill or that bill is behind. I tell I cant help her because either im driving in NY rush hour(FUN) or what can i really help her with when im out on the road? I am trying to work on this though!
Our sex life? not much or not much interesting! She has bad knees, which always puts me on top, she is alittle bigger than average(doesnt bother me at all! Does her, and she has lost ALOT of weight and i praise her for this as well) I like to be on bottom too damnit, I have even bought a little stool from adam & eve to support her She wont use the thing ( I paid almost 100.00 for the damn thing) I love sex and I would love to have sex with her more and in diffrent positions, BUT i dont feel im getting my share or even our share for that matter! And BJ's? I have to physically beg and by then its a bother to her! and nobody gets anything out of it! And as far as me doing that to her? YES i love it and I do it not as often as I would like to but why should I if I dont get anything in return?
We start sex with us sitting on the couch watching TV and one or the other asking "wanna"? That just doesnt turn me on at all and I will some times do the same but mostly her and If i dont jump its too late because her "window" is closing!
Alot of our problems stem from her being so damn tired all the time! Beacause yes she basically is a single mom and this is not just because i drive truck when I didnt I would come home from work and this and that would need fixed or the yard mowed. By the time Im done its time for bed.
We do not have a BABYSITTER like most people neither one of our parents watch them unless we almost beg. My younger brother knows this and he helps us out now and then! So we can go to counseling (we only go for an hour every other sat because thats when im home) other times he will watch them while we go out but we always have to come home to the (he still lives at "home") Kids 
I do go out and she says she has no problem with it I know it hurts alittle it hurts me too to know that shes always at home. I go out with my brother and his friend bowling to the bar and what ever. She just dont have anyone to really go OUT with. Sometimes when Im home ill say go visit your parents go to so and sos house I will stay home with the kids dear but then she really has nowhere to go! 
I have told myself and wife many times "it will get better when the children get bigger" But will it really.
I love my wife and family which is why i signed us up for counseling. But things need to get better.
I have a friend that tells me she could hook me up with any one of her friends so I can get the extra "stuff" that I need. I know this is wrong and dont know if I could even do this, but I have heard also on talk radio where a man will do this without the wife knowing and things start working out alot better at home! For the both of them. The sexuall part of my marriage to me is important i like it i want it but aint gettin it!? What do I do? Please help I need some advice and someone to talk abot this stuff with...Thanx


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## Shayla35 (Feb 21, 2009)

I guess I have a question: So if you and your wife each had to list 3 or 4 things that needed to change in your relationship in order for your marriage to improve, briefly...what would those things be?


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

My question is what made you fall in love with her? What would she say made her fall in love with you?


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## Helpmehelpus (Mar 1, 2009)

As as why we fell in love with eachother I cant speak for her but for me it was a change that I needed in my life I needed to settle down and be with some who I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. And we actually met on Yahoo mess! Shes down to earth, honest, VERY supportive and likes alot of the same things I do,fishing, camping we are outdoors kinda people. And there was just something tell me that I could trust her alot which I could not do in other relasonships. And she is also a few years older than I and that is something I had looked for. I love her for everything she is, she gives 100% to our children and me as well SOMETIMES but hey its all good!
As far as something I would change would be she needs more friends(so do I) but I am okay with what I have (everyone needs as many friends as they can have!) but she needs someone she can talk to ya know how most ladies have another lady that they seek advise from?
And I do know she has some health issues, mainly one that gets her down is her looks, she had lost ALOT of weight and I mean ALOT before we met and is still losing it BUT she carries some baggage which is going to happen she wants surgery to get rid of it but we cannot afford it yet! And know how busy she is all the time with the children but she needs to pick up a hobby that she enjoys. I have tried to help, bought her a sewing machine that she wanted, and a we have a good size garden out back and she wants to do it all, which I help alot when she dont know it because a garden is a lot of work for one person. I guess it seems she never follows through with much?


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## Helpmehelpus (Mar 1, 2009)

I also think if those things would change than the sexual problems would maybe get fixed as well I hope!


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i just want to say KUDOS!!! you are doing what you need to do, i only wish my husband was as caring and thoughtful as you are to your wifes needs. I hope for you she evidentually sees that (in couseling or whatever) because you seem to be perfect in my eyes compared to what i deal with and live with in my husband.

Keep up the good work, continue to try... and before you know it the kids will be grown. (and you will have a whole nother issue to deal with lol) As far as the sex, for my part as a woman, i am like you, asking if you wanna does not turn me on, however also as a woman, maybe you should try being more romantic to turn her on. we females take alot more work and effort to get ready or in the mood then guys do. i am not sure about your wife, but some kind of romantic effort on your part might be the thing that jump starts an exciting sex life. You can plan this even with the kids at home. While she is getting the kids ready for bed, set candles (or some kind of dim lighting) in the room or bath, rose petals are nice, body oil is very nice. Surprise her when she comes in the mood, (seeing my guy in just his boxers, yummy) slowly take off her clothes, kissing as you go, or blindfold her beforehand, walk her to the bathtub and give her a bath, wash her hair, kissing parts every now and then, (kisses that start at the toes and slowly work up are wonderful--just dont get distracted and rush into actual touching or kissing the privates) then use the body oil after a through rub down with a towel. give her a back rub (after a long day at work and coming home to kids, she will love one). 

if this doesnt sound like what your wife would enjoy then find out what would. i guarentee it will be great for the both of you. it definately would work for me.

start doing little things for her, back rubs are always great, even if they dont end with sex. have a candle light dinner, kids dont mind eating sloppy joes in the living room in front of the tv while you and her eat in the dining room (let them know you are doing something special for mommy, they will get it); slow dancing after the children are in bed. let her relax in a bubble bath while you put the kids to bed. And dont forget to talk, talk, talk. about her mostly of course. talk about her day, ask her about her dreams, start the what if you had a million dollars game...bring her something you found on the road that reminded you of her and surprise her with it and tell her why you thought of her.

there is a million of things like that you can do. i only give a few of the things i wish my husband would do for me. 

good luck and dont give up. you can have your wife message or email me if you think she needs friends because i am a little low in that department also.


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## Helpmehelpus (Mar 1, 2009)

Thaks for the reply, Oh yes I know it will be a diffrent ballgame when the kids are bigger, my boy is a stout boy (maybe goin to play footbal) and my daughter is tiny very long hair and she can make you melt at any given time. So yep its goin to be fun!
As far as what you are saying about sex. I have tried stuff like SOME of what you say, we have a fireplace in the house with gas logs and it is very warm to sit in front of, needless to say i would set everything up and go from there! But about the only time she ever comes to me is when I come home from being out on the road after two weeks and almost attacks me.Which I LOVE but that is only sometimes and then the rest of the weekend theres nothing else?! Dont laugh at this but I have even went as far as to get her to have phone sex with me a few times but its almost as if she thinks Im wierd and its weird BUT we do both get off and she sleeps better and so do I its fun and thrilling I think! It gets very lonely out here by yourself and I am not the type to EVER get involved with and lot lizards!!LOL I am a keep to myself kind of person out here, I have everything I need in the truck, TV laptop food frige everythin nut a shower and I get them everychance I get!LOL
And then there is the camping trips (everyone does or should have sex when camping) Its thrilling knowing that you have to be quiet so nobody hears ya!! She just is not as adventuerous as I am when it comes to sex most of the time.
I have givin her massages ect but have to beg to get something in return, not that I expect something everytime I dont.
Is it really a issue for me to have such a big problem with not getting the things I need in bed? Or should I forget about it?


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

sounds to me that she mets you halfway sometimes, just maybe not as often as you would want. She even does phone sex, which is a big thing for some females. i know it was hard for me and ackward also, afraid someone might hear and think something is wrong with me or think bad about me. You dont realize how hard it is to overcome that as a woman. and yet for you she does. And did admit you love it when you get off the truck and she attacks you. Maybe that is her answer for showing you she does care about your needs. I think she is trying, and i dont think you can ask for more then that. you need to realize that although it is hard for you to be on the truck, you get lonely and horney and what have you. it is a lot harder for her while you are on the truck, not only does she have the same problems you do, lonely and horney, but she also is carrying the whole weight while you are gone. and those responsiblities dont just end when you come for a weekend. You know also that sometimes things at work can affect your life at home. So on top of stress of work, she goes home to tend to children, cleaning the house, getting the laundry done, fixing the sink if it is broken and everything else in between. its hard to be adventureous when you know in another 24 hours you are going to have to get the laundry done, and pick up right where you left off before your husband got home and interrupted for a few days. 

I wouldnt say to forget about it, but possibly just put it on the back burner for awhile. you seem to have a fantastic wife who supports you and tries in her own way to give you what you want. So she attacks you when you come home but nothing else for the whole weekend, which is two days long right? No big deal. be grateful she attacks you. 

You are really blessed and need to just be happy with what you and your wife have. you have it alot better then some of us here. Please dont worry about it, maybe when you can get off the truck or get another job that has you home every night, things will get better. your wife is going thru a lot while you are gone.


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## trinie (Feb 23, 2009)

I think your wife sounds great, im a stay at home wife with 3 kids under 6 and boy do i find it hard to keep up with it all let alone havind to add a full time job on top of it all!! I def dont recommend that you take your buddie up on her offer of hooking you up with a bit on the side, does she have no respect for your wife? Yeah fair enough, a bit on the side can be thrilling, exciting but the come down afterwards is horrid, the guilt will keep you awake at night i guarantee you that!! Your wife could be a bit depressed, and with the pressures of a full time job, house keeping, your 2 children she hardly needs you to be pressurising her either now does she??? Why not agree on a certain nite each week ( or whenever you are home) but just 1 nite thats its just you and her, get the kids off to bed early, a dvd a few candles and a glass of wine can do wonders, start enjoying each others company again and you will surprised what will follow.. and as for BJ's come on mate give her a break,lol..


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