# Asked him to move out



## Ssy (Apr 2, 2014)

After 6 years of marriage, I asked my husband to move out. I've gone through emotional abuse, physical abuse, not being supported financial and a husband who wants me too pay for everything and constantly complains about my achievements.

The final straw was him quitting his job and informing me that I should come to terms with the fact that he will never go back to work and that I should support him. His only plan is that he will be a millionaire. 

I asked him to move out and he told me that he won't be able to rent or feed himself because he has no money and that he will move out when he is good and ready.

I"m paying for everything including the food, child's school fees, the car we drive as well as the place we live in.

All he does is stay at home when I go to work and "attend meetings at night until the early hours of the morning". He even suggested that I can have the house during the evening and he will have it during the day. I stopped giving him the car and money, now he just sits at home. Worst part is he refuses to let my daughter visit my family.

I can't move out because I signed a lease agreement and if I don't pay the rent its only going to affect my credit record badly.

How do I get him to move out?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Talk to a lawyer and do what you need to do to file for divorce. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is his name on the lease?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

File for divorce. Can you afford a lawyer?

You might have to put up with him being in the house for a while but eventually he will need to move. 

He cannot prevent your child from seeing your family. Just take her to see your family.

And you describe the 3 worst cases of his physical abuse? It will help to know this.

Have you ever called the police when he has been physically abusive? 

The next time he is physically abusive call 911. You can ask the police to removed him from the home. You can then get a restraining order against him. He will not be able to come near your place.


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## Ssy (Apr 2, 2014)

I can't afford a lawyer and his name is not on the lease. He sold everything he ever owned and spent the money with his family, now he is broke and I have to support him.

I can't afford to move and my parents leave in another city so I can't move in with them. He has family in town and he refused to stay with them.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Can you borrow money from your family?

It may not matter that his name isnt on the lease, as it's his marital home as much as it is yours. You could look for free/low cost legal advice in your neighborhood. You could go down to your local family law courtroom, and see what advice is available there (brochures, etc). You can try phoning around for a lawyer that will provide an initial consultation for free. 

Speaking of his family, do they know of his plan to freeloader off of you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I went back and read your other thread. You are in South Africa so you will need to educate us on your laws. 

You can most likely file for divorce without a lawyer. Have you looked to see if your court system has a self help website? 

Also look for organizations that help women in abusive situations. They often have resources to help abused women file for divorce.

How is domestic violence handled where you live? Will the police come if you call?


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## Ssy (Apr 2, 2014)

You need a lawyer to file for a divorce in South Africa,but South African courts may rule in his favor as he has no job and no means to support himself. If I file for a divorce I might have to pay him a monthly fee (food,accommodation) until he gets a job. The best option at the moment is for me to find a new place to stay and cancellation fees for this apartment. If I file six months from now then I won't have to pay him because he would have been able to survive six months on his own.

The worst part is he knows all this (he has a lawyer friend) and he is betting on it and knows that if I file for a divorce he stands to gain from it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ssy said:


> You need a lawyer to file for a divorce in South Africa,but South African courts may rule in his favor as he has no job and no means to support himself. If I file for a divorce I might have to pay him a monthly fee (food,accommodation) until he gets a job. The best option at the moment is for me to find a new place to stay and cancellation fees for this apartment. If I file six months from now then I won't have to pay him because he would have been able to survive six months on his own.
> 
> The worst part is he knows all this (he has a lawyer friend) and he is betting on it and knows that if I file for a divorce he stands to gain from it.


IF he files for divorce then can he get support from you?

I think your plan is a good one. Just force him to get a job. As soon as he has one file for divorce.

Are there domestic abuse organizations where you live?


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## Ssy (Apr 2, 2014)

We do have domestic abuse organizations. I'm just going to move out, that will force him to get a job. 

Thanks for all the advise but I've also asked my mom to assist, so she will look after my daughter during the school holidays allowing me the chance to move and sort out my life.

I keep worrying about her and it just breaks my heart.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ssy said:


> We do have domestic abuse organizations. I'm just going to move out, that will force him to get a job.
> 
> Thanks for all the advise but I've also asked my mom to assist, so she will look after my daughter during the school holidays allowing me the chance to move and sort out my life.
> 
> I keep worrying about her and it just breaks my heart.


Even with your plan and your mother's help you can get some help from that type of organization. AT least here they often have a list of very low cost or free attorneys that will help a woman in your type of situation.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Talk to your landlord and explain the problem and emphasize that you want to honor your agreement but must get you and your daughter to a safe place.. Most people are decent and they will appreciate your sincerity, communication, and desire to respect them and your agreement.

See if they don't have another property they would allow you to transfer the lease over to, perhaps by renewing it--like another unit in a apartment complex. Even if they charge and you have to put down new deposits and moving in fees, it might be worth it to preserve your good credit. 

Good luck.


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