# Lack of affection



## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

We have been together for 4 years. The first 3 were great. My partner never shows me any affection any longer. I miss being touched....kisses....hugs. I asked if we could start hugging and kissing when one of us leaves for the day........he responded by saying he didn't want to feel he HAD to hug me or kiss me. I planned a romantic weekend to a bed and breakfast.....couples massages.......comedy club......romantic dinner.......No, no, no, and no! I can't remember the last compliment he gave me......do I compliment him...YES. We will be amorous in bed if I initiate it and ONLY if I initiate it. He will not....but he used to. I feel so lonesome....I have suggested counseling...no. I stay because I love him. He says he loves me and couldn't live without me.

I feel like the maid.........Help!


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Oh sweetie.

He says he loves you, he says he can't live without you...yet what do his actions say?

Hugging and kissing you goodbye would be a chore...
He didn't want to go on a nice couple's getaway you planned...
He doesn't pay you compliments...
He doesn't initiate intimacy (which, c'mon, a man not asking his wife for sex?! EVER?!)...
And probably most damning, he isn't willing to go to counseling to work on these issues, or even admit that if he doesn't see an issue you see one.

Worse case, he's cheating. Best case, he's an idiot. Either way, he's not acting like a husband and partner, and he's treating you pretty rotten to boot.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Senior Citizen said:


> We have been together for 4 years. The first 3 were great. My partner never shows me any affection any longer. I miss being touched....kisses....hugs. I asked if we could start hugging and kissing when one of us leaves for the day........he responded by saying he didn't want to feel he HAD to hug me or kiss me. I planned a romantic weekend to a bed and breakfast.....couples massages.......comedy club......romantic dinner.......No, no, no, and no! I can't remember the last compliment he gave me......do I compliment him...YES. We will be amorous in bed if I initiate it and ONLY if I initiate it. He will not....but he used to. I feel so lonesome....I have suggested counseling...no. I stay because I love him. He says he loves me and couldn't live without me.
> 
> I feel like the maid.........Help!


Ok, I guess my first question is what has happened in your lives or his life over the last year. It is entirely possible that this is the result of something that is entirely unrelated to you or how he feels about you. Stress? Health? Some big changes or life events? Job? One issue that I see here is that he is not really communicating with you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ask him to read the following books with you and work through them. If he will not do the work, then it's time to end the relationship.

"5 Languages of Love"
"His Needs, Her Needs"
"Love Busters"


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

To JUST SOME GUY WHO: In the last year there has been stress. For a short time his son and family were living with us. The daughter in law thought the rules here were too much.....so she took the family and left. She also made it clear we will never see the children again.....and it has been a long time. That is extremely stressful......but for me too. I think at a time like this we need each other....we don't need to be distancing each other.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Senior Citizen said:


> We have been together for 4 years. The first 3 were great. My partner never shows me any affection any longer. I miss being touched....kisses....hugs. I asked if we could start hugging and kissing when one of us leaves for the day........he responded by saying he didn't want to feel he HAD to hug me or kiss me. I planned a romantic weekend to a bed and breakfast.....couples massages.......comedy club......romantic dinner.......No, no, no, and no! I can't remember the last compliment he gave me......do I compliment him...YES. We will be amorous in bed if I initiate it and ONLY if I initiate it. He will not....but he used to. I feel so lonesome....I have suggested counseling...no. I stay because I love him. He says he loves me and couldn't live without me.
> 
> I feel like the maid.........Help!


So, you're going to stay and let him continue to treat you like crap because you love him? :scratchhead: There is no kisses, no hugs, no sex initiated, no compliments...you love him because...? It doesnt sound like he is much of a partner or adding anything positive to your life. I assume since you refer to him as "partner" that you arent married, so you would have a much easier time getting out of this. 

Based on this thread, and your other one about sexting, it sounds to me like he is most likely cheating. You sound like a good woman and you deserve better than him.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Senior Citizen....does he blame you for the daughter in law tsking his gradkids away? Since your grandparents he msy just be starting to suffer from decressing testosterone levels has he had them checked by the doctor. I saw your other thread.....he's sleeping habits, doesn't appear to sleep well. Could he be suffering from depression?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

Depression and anxiety...yes and yes. I don't think he blames me. He has had testosterone levels checked...ok.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Senior Citizen said:


> Depression and anxiety...yes and yes. I don't think he blames me. He has had testosterone levels checked...ok.


That very well could be the problem. I would recommend he get treated for both. I know that you feel that something like this should bring the two of you closer together but some people simply aren't built that way. People who suffer from depression tend to withdraw, even from those they are closest to ... even when it is in their best interest not to. Some people tend to cope in self-destructive ways. Don't give up yet, this can be treated.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

His words and actions are not in alignment, a huge give away that he is not into this relationship. I don't buy the depression "get out of gaol free" situation, he is not so depressed to tell you he loves you yet his actions don't back it up. 

With this and your other posts about him using you financially I would be seriously considering what you are getting out of this relationship. From the outside it looks very unloving and dysfunctional.

Look at his intent behind his words, are they designed to keep you there because it is comfortable to him? If his intentions were good and loving then things would not be as they are now.


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