# They are just friends



## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

My Fiance is working at a call centre and he met this girl, 

He came home a few months ago telling me that she thinks she is pregnant because her breast are tender and that they are leaking milk, He even went to the cemist and bought her a pregnancy test wich he took to work the following day... 

Then he resently spend more time on mxit every night he comes home is on mxit till all hours of the night, and i found out that she is on his mxit to... Then i found a sms on his phone wich he sent to her telling her that he is on mxit if she wants to chat... and the sms ended mwah chat later mwah...  Then i went to his inbox and when and got a sms leading that she is glad that she is been missed and that she could not make it due to her having to ride her mom around... I was just busy reading more on the sms when he grabbed the phone and said it is not what it looks like they are just friends... 

Last night they were talking on mxit and i asked him what are they talking about and he said he will show me then the phone "died" because the battery was flat... :scratchhead:

We have a 15 month old son and i am pregnant now with our second baby... He doesnt even want to have sex any more... when i ask him then he says oky, but we never get there, he doesnt tell me that he loves me or that we should get married... 

His mother hates me for some reason too and i did nothing to her, she is making my life hell too, everything i do is not good enough for her... She even told the family that the baby i am pregnant with now is not his... And that he is trying to get pregnant with the girl from his work...


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## Lonel (May 11, 2010)

Personally I dont believe the excuse of "we are just friends" when stuff like this is going on.
It is possible for men and women to be friends but within boundries, especially if you are engaged to someone. For me chatting to this person at home on mxit would be a definate no no. 

As for his mother, if he really cared at all he would stand up to his mother about the way she is treating you, especially with a baby on the way.

I think you need to confront him about this other women and he must make his choice, you or her.


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## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

I did ask him if he has feelings for this girl and he said no they are only friends and that he loves me...:scratchhead: 

For his mother he has this maner of laughing it of telling me you know my mother... He never takes on his mother about me, but when she says something about the other girl he is defensive and yells at her... 

She treats my son like a dog or even worst at some points. Then the worst thing is sy doesnt even allow him to call her gran he must call her aunty or on her name.

For the other girl he told her she must also invite me on mxit and she has but we dont talk to much... And he told me she thinks of him as her brother... i mean come on who would tell there brother your breast are leaking and i have seen the way that they are together... she is always close to him and he is always touching her hand or arm...


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

He is having an affair with this women it may not be physical(I believe it is) yet but it is headed down that path....he is at least having an emotional affair with her. I was just in the same situation(well similar) with my H of 11 years....with his 'just friends'


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would just pack up and move back home to be with my OWN family. Raise your kids there.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

There is no such thing as "just friends." Have you guys tried counseling??


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## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

He is such a man, that if i suggest counselling he will go belistic on me... 

He once was so angry at me because i refused to go to his mother and we had this huge fight, and the next moment he hit me with the head, i was so angry that i took my son and we sat in the house i locked him out, he said he was sorry and we made up...

but since then i am very scared of him and doesnt do anything that will make him angry... 

I am thinking the same thing that he is having an affair with her, because i am not even allowed to touch his phone if his phone is on charge and he goes to the bathroom he takes his phone with him even when he goes to bath the phone is always with him, when he goes to bed he puts his phone underneath his pillow so that i cant take the phone.... 

And the huge problem is they work together so i cant see what goes on at his work... The girl emails me and she sends me sms's and stuff like that but cant that be a cover up...


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## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

I cant move to my family because my mom lives far away from us and that is the closest family i have,


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

OK, he IS having an affair and I can say I have BEEN there. My H was having an emotional affair with a co-worker/OW and I hate to break it too you but you will never get the complete truth. My H was doing exactly what yours was until one day he slipped up and I pretty much got lucky. I knew what was going on but I was too stupid/silly to really open my eyes.


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## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

I feel that i want to believe that he is not having one, but truth to be told i thought that all along, 

I wish that i could just find out so that i will have full custody of the children because i am not leaving my children with her...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Come on, you KNOW he is cheating. You could ask 100 different people and every one would tell you he is. So just get past that point.

The real item is, what to do now?

You CAN'T raise your children with such a man. He ABUSES YOU. Do you want him to start hitting your kids, too? He will. 

Go to your local community services agency and ask them to help you move out and get legal aid. He has financial responsibility for his children; a lawyer will ensure that he takes care of them so you can afford to leave him.

Do it before he kills you.

Here's a great book to read about your husband: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Bancroft. Educate yourself, ok? Before it's too late.


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## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

Yes i have come to the point where i know he is cheating...

For example today i phone him and he is at work, he is suppose to be off today, but the other girl is working today...

Then he lies to me telling me that he is at home and then my sister goes to the house and phones me, no he is not at home, then i phone him to ask where he is he tells me that he is at home so i told him dont lie to me my sister is at our house and there is no one there, so he finally admits he is in a local mall.

Some part of me wants to believe that he wont hit me or the children and that he would change and that he is not cheating. I really do love him and i want to make things work but i cant to this if he is not willing to change or leave the other girl. 

I try to make things intresting between us like dress sexy, were nice perfume and having sexy lingeri on then he tells me that i look like a hippo in the stuff, I am pregnant now and is showing a belly so i have stopped now because i feel ugly wearing thing like that. 

I have this really bad chest infection and i waited 4 days for him to take me to the dr, when my mom told him that she thinks i need to go.

Infront of my parents he is so loveable and stuff but when they are gone he is ugly and tells me that i look fat and that my hair needs attention and that i need to were high heels... And that i should be mre nicer to his mother that way she would like me more.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Love is not the only reason to stay with someone. I loved my dad, but I had to cut him out of my life because of his toxic wife.

Sometimes love just isn't good enough. 

Especially when he is abusive.

If you read the book I just recommended, you will see that their entire life is an ACT. They know EXACTLY how to act in front of each person, to get what they want. It's all part of their game. And no, they don't know they are playing a game. They just are who they are. I'll bet he was extremely charming to you when you met, swept you off your feet. You couldn't believe this amazing guy was picking you, right? 

It's all part of the game. Just like being loveable in front of your parents. Another part is BLAMING you for things like his mother not liking you. It is incremental...one comment at a time, one 'no,' one angry comment so you pull back, one blame, one criticism...and each time you take it and do nothing, thinking it's just one little moment, just a bad day...more excuses you make for him, because you're afraid to say anything out of fear he'll leave you. After awhile you no longer believe in yourself; he must be right; you ARE ugly, or stupid, or cause his anger...eventually you are just a shell of a person, on auto-pilot, with your whole being on alert to prevent his anger or unhappiness - everything you do is to not provoke him.

Do you want your children to turn into him? Or become a victim like you?

Rescue them from that life.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

you are sooooooo lucky to see this, experience this b4hand....that is unless ur a golddigger or somesuch thing.U now know what many wish they knew bout their mates !

stop the denials, get past the pain quickly by packing as fast as u can only what u really need and *RUN, RUN............RUN away! dont walk! RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. the mom was the clincher, u digg ????*

-------------peace----------------cb45---------------


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## Minxi (May 12, 2010)

:iagree: I am very lucky to see this before hand, No im not a gold digger i earn more than my patner a month.... 

and no i dont want my children to become like him, i want my children to grow up in a loveable home, not a home where there mother and father cant even speak to each other.

I have made arrangements with my work to help me get my own appartment and stuff and they agreed to help me and to help me get the children by a daymother because his mother is currently looking after my son.

For running... no i am going to walk away slowly so that he can really have a good look in what he is loosing. I am only loosing one person he is loosing 3 at one time...


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