# my marriage is over but ..



## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Ive been having a really tough time with my husband , i found out he had an affair and we got to the point where i can no longer trust him or want him in my life .He has done everything he possible could to make my life very misserable since encluding stoping me from seeing my stepson .

He has agreed to sign divorce papers as long as i go to 4 weeks of mediation with him ....

i cant see the point of going to mediation and im not happy about being blackmailed by him any longer ..but with out going i cant see the end 
how can things end up so nasty ?


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Because he is miserable...and misery loves company so he is trying to make you join him in his misery. Mine is doing the same and it sucks. Some general respect would be nice.

Here is my take on it. Love is such a strong and powerful emotion that its hard to just downgrade it. So he does the opposite....he tries to hate you instead. Its easier to put you behind him when he "hates" you. I really think that is what my ex is doing. I mean it makes sense. Think about it. Someone you meet for the first time you either like or don't like. The closer the relation becomes....whether its someone you have to work with closely...or even a relative....the more you will either like them or dislike them. Its not often that you can just feel indifferent to someone.

Sorry you are going through this.....divorce 101 should state the couples have to be civil and respectfull to each other and above all they have to do whats in the best interest of the kids. If only it were that simple!


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Add guilt to the list. He is feeling guilty for cheating and is directing his negative feelings towards you - maybe even blaming you. That is what my W has done to me for the last 4 months. Using the kid(s) as a means to communicate and inflict pain is just WRONG. The cheating spouse is so blinded by their emotions and "needs" that they will rewrite history and blame shift.

Hang in there - be the better person.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

katie jane said:


> Ive been having a really tough time with my husband , i found out he had an affair and we got to the point where i can no longer trust him or want him in my life .He has done everything he possible could to make my life very misserable since encluding stoping me from seeing my stepson .
> 
> He has agreed to sign divorce papers as long as i go to 4 weeks of mediation with him ....
> 
> ...


Is it mediation to try out sort out your affairs sensibly or is it an attempt by him to get you back?

If its the first one, then that sounds ok. Certainly better to sort things out sensibly.

Hows he stopped you seeing your stepson? Surely the buts mother would have a say in this too? I cant imagine she;d be too keen to be told what to do by her ex-husband.

And it does sound a very stupid thing for him to do...


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I went to mediation and spent 2 hours listening to him say it wont happen again and that he is deeply sorry ....things that are very easy to say !! 

Ive been hurt so much over the last few weeks that i simply cant see a way that i could love him again , hes taken that from me .

Ive seen my stepson  and will continue to see him every week for a few hour  .

I feel a lot better going to mediation has helped me know i can cope with out him in my life ..


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Glad to see your seeing stepson again. Thats good.

Did he agree to this because you went to mediation? Fair enough - you went and still feel the same....


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

yes he agreed because of the mediation and the fact that Euans mum said i cvould make arrangements with her  .. i feel exactly the same way .. i do love him but i will not allow myself to be hurt by him again . I cant trust him , i feel happier apart i dont feel so controlled . I hope he can be happy to .


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Hang in there and trust your gut. If you don't trust him just endure the mediation and remind yourself of what you want out of life.

He rang the bell, can't unring it.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

michzz said:


> Hang in there and trust your gut. If you don't trust him just endure the mediation and remind yourself of what you want out of life.
> 
> He rang the bell, can't unring it.


Im on count down to the last time I have to hear the rubbish that comes from his mouth!! I can endure because I can see a end ! Part of me is sad but I'm feeling high at the moment I know I'm better of without him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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