# Anyone else just not really care about dating anymore?



## huebnem

I wouldn't say that I have had a "good" dating life since my divorce...or even before...but I just realized I just really don't want to deal with it anymore. Don't take this as suicidal either. I am not happy about it but I really love the whole being alive thing. 

I guess it could be the fact that I am busy with work and don't have much free time but I've also been stood up more times that I care to count. I've also been turned down for what I think are some of the most petty reasons ever. Meeting in person, friends trying to hook me up, girls from church, and online dating have gone nowhere except for maybe a second date once or twice.

Now I just really find myself not caring. Like, I was at a friends wedding a few hour ago and which I don't really like being alone I just refused to dance with anyone. I was socializing with my friends just fine but the couple times when females approached me I couldn't go beyond a blank stare. 

I used to be looking for a future wife and kids to fill my house but my mind just blanks out when the prospect of putting work into a relationship comes up. I mean, I still would love a wife and kids but...I don't really know what to call it but I guess I don't feel like putting effort into something that has a high probability of failure?


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## EleGirl

How old are you? 

How long were you married?

How long have you been divorced?


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## 3Xnocharm

I will not be putting any effort into finding someone to date. I will not be back on the dating sites again. I thought that I had found something good that could have been the real deal, only to have him bail, just like everyone else has been over the last year or so. Still trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me that nobody wants to commit or stay committed with me. So yes, count me in as not caring.


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## huebnem

I'm 26

I was married for a year and a half but Alot of that was spent on deployment where she cheated on me.

I've been divorced a year and a half...


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## Betrayedone

huebnem said:


> I'm 26
> 
> I was married for a year and a half but Alot of that was spent on deployment where she cheated on me.
> 
> I've been divorced a year and a half...


Hang in there, man. You are too young to give up. Take a break, stop looking and something good will find you. Be healthy within yourself and everything will fall into place. Sounds corny, but it's true. You never find love when you press too hard to find it.


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## EleGirl

OK so all this has been very recent. You are still in the recovery stage. It's very normal to feel as you do. Go with the way you are feeling. Find things that you enjoy doing.

In time you will most likely recover and feel better about things.

The best way to find someone worth having is to not look.

Take a look at Find your people - Meetup. Search for your area and see what it going on. It's a great way to find things that interest you.


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## Ceegee

Nothing wrong with how you're feeling. 

I think you should follow through on your plans.


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## Lost40

I'm not interested at all. Granted, I was married for 13+ years, and only divorced for 5.5 months. But you've at least made some moves - I don't even want to do that. So, I think it sounds like you just need more time yet.


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## Lone Shadow

huebnem said:


> Alot of that was spent on deployment


Welcome home.

If you don't mind, send me a PM with a close location. There's some information I would like to share with you, one Vet to another.


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## huebnem

I guess it helps that I am going to Korea for a year. And no I do NOT mean the juicy girls! I will just take a year off to work, study, and get some serious video gaming in.

On one hand I guess I knew it would be like this but on the other...well...I REALLY hate getting invited to weddings at the moment. I've never been awesome at talking to women either so maybe I just have to stop looking around.

Has anyone met somebody without really leaving the house very often? I only get out on the weekends if at all...


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## EleGirl

huebnem said:


> Has anyone met somebody without really leaving the house very often?


You are not going to meet anyone while you are in your home alone. Seems to me that is pretty clear.



huebnem said:


> I only get out on the weekends if at all...


Make a point to get out once or twice very weekend. If you make plans a week or two in advance, then you won't be sitting home on the weekend wondering what to do.


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## huebnem

EleGirl said:


> You are not going to meet anyone while you are in your home alone. Seems to me that is pretty clear.
> 
> Make a point to get out once or twice very weekend. If you make plans a week or two in advance, then you won't be sitting home on the weekend wondering what to do.


Yeah...but with leaving the house for PT at 0530 and than not getting home until 1800 or later I don't have much of a choice.


I try to but I have a favorite bar that I always resort to because it is filled with friends...military friends...95% of which are male. I have tried going to other bars but these women travel in packs! I was also turned down multiple times because of how I dress. One said I wasn't preppy enough and the other seemed to have an extreme hatred of nice jeans, a t-shirt, and decent shoes...they didn't seem to take notice of my $1,400 watch though.

It always seems too me that there are more women at the nicer bars or clubs but they also seem to be looking for a fat wallet. I don't buy girls drinks unless it is during a good conversation. I used to buy drinks for girls but they would just smile at me and disappear...


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## 3Xnocharm

huebnem said:


> I try to but I have a favorite bar that I always resort to because it is filled with friends...military friends...95% of which are male. I have tried going to other bars but these women travel in packs! I was also turned down multiple times because of how I dress. One said I wasn't preppy enough and the other seemed to have an extreme hatred of nice jeans, a t-shirt, and decent shoes...they didn't seem to take notice of my $1,400 watch though.
> 
> It always seems too me that there are more women at the nicer bars or clubs but they also seem to be looking for a fat wallet. I don't buy girls drinks unless it is during a good conversation. I used to buy drinks for girls but they would just smile at me and disappear...


Its OKAY if you dont care about dating right now. Dont let anyone talk you into trying if you dont feel like it. You will feel differently at some point, we all have our own timeline for this stuff. Personally I am just tired of having to nurse my heart all the time.


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## EleGirl

huebnem said:


> I try to but I have a favorite bar that I always resort to because it is filled with friends...military friends...95% of which are male.


In the first post you said that you don’t care about dating right now. So just go hang out with your friends.

And what about doing things other than hanging out at bars? Are there things you like to do besides drink? Do you like to hike? Sightsee? Rock climbing? Get out and meet people who do things besides sitting in bars. You can find things in your area on the site Find your people - Meetup Get busy doing interesting and fun things. 



huebnem said:


> I have tried going to other bars but these women travel in packs! I was also turned down multiple times because of how I dress. One said I wasn't preppy enough and the other seemed to have an extreme hatred of nice jeans, a t-shirt, and decent shoes...


Yes, women travel in groups of 2 or more because it’s unsafe to do otherwise. 
If some woman turned you down, telling you it was because of the way you dress, then either she’s empty headed or it’s because she just felt she needed to give you some reason. She was not interested in you. So move on. 

Most women go to clubs to be with their girlfriends, dance and flirt. They do not go to get go home with guys. Do you really want to be with a woman who will just hook up with you the night she meets you at a bar/club?



huebnem said:


> they didn't seem to take notice of my $1,400 watch though.


They probably don’t even know that it’s a $1,400 watch. Why should they? Most people would never spend that kind of money on a watch. 

What rank are you in the military? Are you enlisted?

I would not be impressed by a young military member who wears a $1,400 watch. It tells me that he’s superficial and wastes money.



huebnem said:


> It always seems too me that there are more women at the nicer bars or clubs but they also seem to be looking for a fat wallet. I don't buy girls drinks unless it is during a good conversation. I used to buy drinks for girls but they would just smile at me and disappear...


When you buy a drink for a woman (if she’s at a bar she is not a ‘girl’), it does not mean that she promises you anything. 

What are you looking for? One night stands? Long term relationship? It’s next to impossible to meet someone to have a relationship with at a bar/club unless you are looking for one night stand.

You are going about meeting women in all the wrong places.


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## EleGirl

huebnem said:


> Yeah...but with leaving the house for PT at 0530 and than not getting home until 1800 or later I don't have much of a choice.


How many days a week do you have this schedule?

You can still make plans for the weekends during the week. 

Call friends and make plans.

Check on Find your people - Meetup for what's going on during the weekend. Put things you will enjoy on your calendar. If you want, call a friend and see if he'd go with you.


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## huebnem

EleGirl said:


> How many days a week do you have this schedule?
> 
> You can still make plans for the weekends during the week.
> 
> Call friends and make plans.
> 
> Check on Find your people - Meetup for what's going on during the weekend. Put things you will enjoy on your calendar. If you want, call a friend and see if he'd go with you.



That is my Monday to Friday schedule unless we are in the field and then I could be gone for weeks at a time.

I stopped hanging out with most of my friends because they were the ones that got me into the bar scene anyways.


I love to go hiking and kayaking and I am always out at parks and trails with my dog. I guess it could take a while but after a year of that I didn't meet anyone besides a few other dog owners that are far older than me.



BTW...the watch was the only way I could get anything out of the wedding rings. She had to give them back to me and they were worth $1600. Best offer for cash was $650 so I took the watch because I love to golf and it was a TH golf edition.


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## huebnem

EleGirl said:


> When you buy a drink for a woman (if she’s at a bar she is not a ‘girl’), it does not mean that she promises you anything.
> 
> What are you looking for? One night stands? Long term relationship? It’s next to impossible to meet someone to have a relationship with at a bar/club unless you are looking for one night stand.
> 
> You are going about meeting women in all the wrong places.


I actually use the term bar loosely. If I go to play pool I am not looking for women. However, there are a few places that do trivia nights, and other game nights where a lot of my friends have met.

And I said I only buy people drinks if the conversation is good. During the day I would buy them coffee...at night coffee is a bit much unless you are college cramming. 


But you are right about me needing to look other places...but when I tried the bookstore I just ended up getting lost in the book and ignoring everything around me lol...finished a whole Star Trek series in one afternoon though!


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## EleGirl

huebnem said:


> I actually use the term bar loosely. If I go to play pool I am not looking for women. However, there are a few places that do trivia nights, and other game nights where a lot of my friends have met.
> 
> And I said I only buy people drinks if the conversation is good. During the day I would buy them coffee...at night coffee is a bit much unless you are college cramming.
> 
> 
> But you are right about me needing to look other places...but when I tried the bookstore I just ended up getting lost in the book and ignoring everything around me lol...finished a whole Star Trek series in one afternoon though!


You are not getting it. The idea of going other places is not to pick up women. The idea is for you to get out and do things, get busy, become a better more rounded person.

I know that guys go to book and grocery stores to pick up on women. Most women know this and find it rather silly.

Instead go do things that you enjoy... for example on meetup.com where I live there are groups that meet up weekly/monthly to go hiking, white water rafting, camping, for book clubs, take bike trips, motor cycling, car clubs, sigh seeing around the state, and on and on.

Just go to these things because that's what you want to do, not because you are out hunting for women. Go and meet both the men and women who do these things. Make actual friends with people. Stop looking for women. What will happen is that you will form good friend ships. And the women out there that you meet will see the real you.. not the you who trolls for women. That is how you meet a real woman who will be a good partner. That's how you stop looking for a woman, start being real... and when you do this you will meet someone worth being with.


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## FeministInPink

I strongly second EleGirl's suggestion of MeetUp--it's a great way to meet people in general. Join activity MeetUps based on the activities you like to do, and focus on expanding your social circle beyond military peeps. Don't just go looking for single women; go to make friends. If you make more friends, you will eventually meet *their* friends--which includes the pretty single girls your new friends know. If they think you're a cool guy, they'll WANT to intro you to their single lady friends.

Case in point: I had already been doing MeetUps before I even separated, but started in more once the XH and I separated, because I had to build a social life. I met a man via MeetUp who is now one of my best friends--we're not romantically compatible, and that was never really an option, but we're amazing as friends, and he thinks the world of me. Ever since I decided that I was really ready to start dating again, last summer, he's been methodically, one at a time, making an effort to introduce me to all of his single friends to see if there's a click. He's asking around to see if any of HIS friends know of any cute guys in my age range. I haven't had a click yet, but that's OK. He's the most extreme example, but I've had other friends do the same.

But I'm not sure that meeting women is your issue, OP. You seem to express no interest in dating at all. That's OK, and that's normal. For a long time, I didn't want to at all, and sometimes now I'll still have a week or so when I'm like, "You know what? I'd rather be a spinster than put up with another person." It's fine to be like that sometimes. But at least be social and have friends, because when you DO decide you want to date again--and you WILL, eventually, at the very least, want to get laid--you'll need to make sure your social skills are still up to par. No woman wants a guy who's been a hermit ever since he divorced. That's like dating Rip Van Winkle, or meeting a hot Tarzan only to discover that he had fleas, picks the nits out of his hair, and eats them. Make your own life, and get some interesting in there so you have something more to talk about than your failed marriage, work, and video games.

Seriously, just get out, be social, have fun, and do the things that you love to do and make you happy. You're clearly not happy right now (your blank stare comment about being asked to dance at weddings says it all and makes that super clear). Get yourself to happy, and the desire to date will eventually return.


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## wilson

I'm getting a strong Nice Guy impression from what you have been posting. Take a look at that website and see what you think. 

Most of the suggestions made to you are about finding out what you want to do and then doing them because you like doing them, not because you think the activity is a good way to meet women. Nice Guys often take up activities (or personalities) because they think it will make women more likely to want to be with them. Instead, focus on what you like and do it because you like it. What you'll find is that you'll attract people who have similar interests in a much more natural way.


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## Jellybeans

I think your feelings are normal. It's easy to feel meh about dating after striking out. 

Don't date if you don't want to. Do date when you're ready.

No set time for everyone. Go at your pace.


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## FeministInPink

wilson said:


> I'm getting a strong Nice Guy impression from what you have been posting. Take a look at that website and see what you think.
> 
> Most of the suggestions made to you are about finding out what you want to do and then doing them because you like doing them, not because you think the activity is a good way to meet women. Nice Guys often take up activities (or personalities) because they think it will make women more likely to want to be with them. Instead, focus on what you like and do it because you like it. What you'll find is that you'll attract people who have similar interests in a much more natural way.


^^^ THIS. :iagree:


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## Wolf1974

Dating isn't easy. In a lot of ways it's crap. No matter what gender you are you just deal with different versions of it. I have been there.....tired and frustrated, stood up, looked over and so forth and so on. It's ok to take a break and really if your dreading it you should cause it comes across bad anyway.

One example I could give was I had a first date with a woman and met at a bar. Prior to meeting she kept talking about how awful dating was and was tired of it and didn't want to do it anymore. So she texted she was there that night and I went to meet her at the door and she had a scowl on her face like she was having a root canal done. Rest of date wasn't any better. Just an hour of dating sucks cause of this and men cause of that. Don't be like this Rob Lowe, take a break before you are so jaded. Come back when you are ready dating will still be there


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## huebnem

Ok I can see what you are saying now. A year in Korea isn't going to help but I can use that as a year off to save up for a new Kayak and bike.

Honestly, I really don't know if the military is fine or if it is hurting my chances at a normal relationship. The rate of failed relationships in general is just awful. Also, most of my friends are non-military and while I like that I somehow met all the people with night jobs! A bunch of them have tried to hook me up but that didn't really go too well.


On a sort of side note...I never really go out of my way to change for people but I am starting to see a trend where women don't like body hair. I have been...ummm..."blessed" with a lot of it though. Is that something that could factor in or should I just leave it be?


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## Lone Shadow

huebnem said:


> Ok I can see what you are saying now. A year in Korea isn't going to help but I can use that as a year off to save up for a new Kayak and bike.
> 
> Honestly, I really don't know if the military is fine or if it is hurting my chances at a normal relationship. The rate of failed relationships in general is just awful. Also, most of my friends are non-military and while I like that I somehow met all the people with night jobs! A bunch of them have tried to hook me up but that didn't really go too well.
> 
> 
> On a sort of side note...I never really go out of my way to change for people but I am starting to see a trend where women don't like body hair. I have been...ummm..."blessed" with a lot of it though. Is that something that could factor in or should I just leave it be?


Sure, take care of that body hair.









Then, go find a hash club. Wherever you're stationed now, find the club. When you get to Korea, find the club. It doesn't matter where you go. You find the club, and you have an instant social network. It's primarily military, veterans, and sometimes families of both. You will occasionally find civilians in a club though, which just boggles the mind. Tell them Uncomfortable Places from OTH4 out of Quantico sent you. Some may have heard of me, but probably not. 

For those unfamiliar, a hash club is a "drinking club with a running problem." :toast:


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## EleGirl

huebnem said:


> That is my Monday to Friday schedule unless we are in the field and then I could be gone for weeks at a time.
> 
> I stopped hanging out with most of my friends because they were the ones that got me into the bar scene anyways.
> 
> 
> I love to go hiking and kayaking and I am always out at parks and trails with my dog. I guess it could take a while but after a year of that I didn't meet anyone besides a few other dog owners that are far older than me.
> 
> 
> 
> BTW...the watch was the only way I could get anything out of the wedding rings. She had to give them back to me and they were worth $1600. Best offer for cash was $650 so I took the watch because I love to golf and it was a TH golf edition.


Why did she have to give you the rings back?


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## huebnem

EleGirl said:


> Why did she have to give you the rings back?


I had too much on her and for once in her life she felt bad about what she did...I think...either way I wasn't going to argue with it.

I would like to help her out since her credit only made it above 400 when she was with me but at this point even her family won't help her or cosign for her.


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## EleGirl

huebnem said:


> I had too much on her and for once in her life she felt bad about what she did...I think...either way I wasn't going to argue with it.
> 
> I would like to help her out since her credit only made it above 400 when she was with me but at this point even her family won't help her or cosign for her.


Ok, so she did not have to give the rings back to you. She chose to give them to you.


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## huebnem

:toast::toast:


Lone Shadow said:


> Sure, take care of that body hair.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then, go find a hash club. Wherever you're stationed now, find the club. When you get to Korea, find the club. It doesn't matter where you go. You find the club, and you have an instant social network. It's primarily military, veterans, and sometimes families of both. You will occasionally find civilians in a club though, which just boggles the mind. Tell them Uncomfortable Places from OTH4 out of Quantico sent you. Some may have heard of me, but probably not.
> 
> For those unfamiliar, a hash club is a "drinking club with a running problem." :toast:




Haha...well I put that picture to shame sadly. I had an ex in college the had this really creepy obsession with waxing my chest. I always said no because I don't want bloody nipple rings on my shirt.

I'll have to look into that. I usually run AFTER I am drunk because it is mildly safer than driving. I usually hate running with a passion but my commander isn't all that motivation...beer on the other hand...:toast:


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## huebnem

EleGirl said:


> Ok, so she did not have to give the rings back to you. She chose to give them to you.


She technically only owed me $400 towards that bills and I allowed her until tax season to pay me back. She got her return, spent it all, and then was only able to pay me back with the rings. Most of the court ruled stuff I let slide because I just cared about getting her out of my life and I can always get more stuff and money which isn't all that important anyways.


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## Lone Shadow

Hashing is different, you get to run WHILE you drink. It's so much better than doing either separately. It's rude, crude, lewd and socially unacceptable, but you'll never have a better time.


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## huebnem

Lone Shadow said:


> Hashing is different, you get to run WHILE you drink. It's so much better than doing either separately. It's rude, crude, lewd and socially unacceptable, but you'll never have a better time.


Ah...so family gatherings but I wouldn't have to deal with my family!


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## Lone Shadow

Absolutely. And that's also why I requested you PM me with a close location. I would have looked up the closest club to you, and given you their website and/or contact information so that you wouldn't have any excuses for not attending.


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## huebnem

Lone Shadow said:


> Absolutely. And that's also why I requested you PM me with a close location. I would have looked up the closest club to you, and given you their website and/or contact information so that you wouldn't have any excuses for not attending.


Well I am about 26 days from clearing out of this area so that seems a bit late to me...I am also awful at contacting people which REALLY pisses of my NCO. But he is FTR all the time so he can eat it for now...


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## Lone Shadow

Just remember, the fastest way to make E5 in the Army is to get sent to Korea as an E6.:rofl:


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## Lone Shadow

Korean Hash Clubs 
Not knowing where you'll be, here's a list of all of them. Remember, instant social network. And hash members are from all rates/ranks. You'll make friends for life, if you choose, and it's a fantastic tool for building your professional network. Even if you retire from the military, you'll need to find a job when you get out.


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## FeministInPink

huebnem said:


> On a sort of side note...I never really go out of my way to change for people but I am starting to see a trend where women don't like body hair. I have been...ummm..."blessed" with a lot of it though. Is that something that could factor in or should I just leave it be?


Keep the body hair. Some women find it very sexy and masculine. (Count me in!) And it's coming back around in popularity. 

If it's out of control, you can trim it a little (you know, with clippers) to keep it a little neater and groomed.

My other suggestion is if you're overly hairy down under, definitely keep that trimmed. We dislike getting hair stuck in our mouth as much as you guys do


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## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> My other suggestion is if you're overly hairy down there, definitely keep that trimmed. We dislike getting hair stuck in our mouth as much as you guys do


Absolu'mon. Flossing is better done after a meal.:lol:


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## huebnem

Lone Shadow said:


> Just remember, the fastest way to make E5 in the Army is to get sent to Korea as an E6.:rofl:


Lol...what do you think happened to my NCO?! Yeah...I have all the points but having an ex-wife in S1 and her new hubby in various BN related positions hasn't been helping!


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## huebnem

So I should try more for the Sean Connery and less like the Highland Scottish hermit? I trim below but the chest fights back...and it really does make a good winter layer when in full bloom!


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## Lone Shadow

Weeeeeeeee!

Sometimes I'm happy to be a Vet. I'm a contractor now, and have been for a while. Spent a lot of time working with Army guys. Poor bastages. Tell you one thing though: Looking back on the last 13 years, if I could go back and do it over again, I would have stayed in the Navy instead of getting out.


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## huebnem

I'm looking at getting out since I have the house here and they are cutting so many people anyways. Still not sure yet though. I won't get out unless I could secure a job and right now generator mechanics don't seem to be in demand here.


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## Lone Shadow

Generator mechanic? Get your HVAC certs. Get them on your own if you have to, but you shouldn't. The military offers tuition assistance while on active/reserve duty beyond the GI Bill. Save that for after you ETS. 

Once you get your HVAC certifications, look into facilities maintenance type positions. Facility Engineer is one that I see all the time in the NOVA area. Every building that has coms running through it has a need for HVAC, generator, and UPS maintenance people. 

If you want to talk more off-line along this topic, I would be happy to.


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## huebnem

Yeah I'll look into that. And I can talk offline but I have to hit the hay now so I can get up early and fake a dental appointment during pt...then I have to fake cleaning so I can go home and prep my gear for turning in since they are entirely too picky


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## Lone Shadow

Enjoy faking that dental appointment.


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## Jellybeans

huebnem said:


> Honestly, I really don't know if the military is fine or if it is hurting my chances at a normal relationship.


It may be and it may not. You said you don't really care about dating though now so... it should not matter really.



huebnem said:


> On a sort of side note...I never really go out of my way to change for people but I am starting to see a trend where women don't like body hair. I have been...ummm..."blessed" with a lot of it though. Is that something that could factor in or should I just leave it be?


I personally love a hairy chest on a man. Each woman is different. 

If you look like a hairy furball though and are unhappy, then do something about it.


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## FeministInPink

huebnem said:


> So I should try more for the Sean Connery and less like the Highland Scottish hermit? I trim below but the chest fights back...and it really does make a good winter layer when in full bloom!


Yes, more Sean Connery and less Highland Scottish hermit! 

(My XH decided shortly into our marriage that Highland Scottish hermit was the look for him. He grew out his beard as long as possible, and refused to shave his neck beard, and he would shave the back either. It completely turned me off. That's not why I divorced him, but it definitely had a negative impact on our relationship, not only because it made him unattractive, but primarily because it showed me that he didn't give a flying fvck about me or what I wanted.)

To put this in perspective, think about how much time women spend grooming. We're not born with hairless legs, and we don't wake up looking like this. We have to put in a lot of effort. 

You know, if you want to send some pictures, I could give you an individualized critique


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## huebnem

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, more Sean Connery and less Highland Scottish hermit!
> 
> (My XH decided shortly into our marriage that Highland Scottish hermit was the look for him. He grew out his beard as long as possible, and refused to shave his neck beard, and he would shave the back either. It completely turned me off. That's not why I divorced him, but it definitely had a negative impact on our relationship, not only because it made him unattractive, but primarily because it showed me that he didn't give a flying fvck about me or what I wanted.)
> 
> To put this in perspective, think about how much time women spend grooming. We're not born with hairless legs, and we don't wake up looking like this. We have to put in a lot of effort.
> 
> You know, if you want to send some pictures, I could give you an individualized critique


Well it sucks that I am mostly Scottish then...

I loved having a beard before the Army but I get very upset when people to keep them in line. If you ever run into another unruly beard just buy it some beard oil and a trimmer. Then it will be softer with a slight hint of sandalwood or pumpkin spice.

Coming from Wisconsin I actually know a lot of women that skip the leg shaving for at least the winter...but also because they work on farms. Sometimes meeting the farmers daughter isn't all that it is cracked up to be.

And I will have to look through my pictures...but I have a good one from a mission in the Dominican Republic where we all got drunk at a resort and a friend paid the ladies at the resort to braid my chest hair with some beads. Yeah...not my best moment but it was hilarious at the moment!


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## FeministInPink

huebnem said:


> Well it sucks that I am mostly Scottish then...
> 
> I loved having a beard before the Army but I get very upset when people to keep them in line. If you ever run into another unruly beard just buy it some beard oil and a trimmer. Then it will be softer with a slight hint of sandalwood or pumpkin spice.
> 
> Coming from Wisconsin I actually know a lot of women that skip the leg shaving for at least the winter...but also because they work on farms. Sometimes meeting the farmers daughter isn't all that it is cracked up to be.
> 
> And I will have to look through my pictures...but I have a good one from a mission in the Dominican Republic where we all got drunk at a resort and a friend paid the ladies at the resort to braid my chest hair with some beads. Yeah...not my best moment but it was hilarious at the moment!


Genetics is no reason to neglect grooming! 

If it's winter, and I'm not getting any action, I'll let the legs go a little... but I really like the feeling of having smooth legs. I bought an epilator last fall, which is making it a little easier to maintain. But it's still time consuming.

I was joking about you sending me a picture... but now I kind of want to see the picture with the braided chest hair! :rofl:


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## Baseballmom6

I know I will be hated for this but.... 

I am one of those few woman that do not grow hair on their legs. None! Don't know why, I have hair everywhere else! I shave my bare legs once a year just to be able to say I do. LOL!


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## huebnem

FeministInPink said:


> I was joking about you sending me a picture... but now I kind of want to see the picture with the braided chest hair! :rofl:


That would literally be the only picture I would send people...if I could find it that is...


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## FeministInPink

Baseballmom6 said:


> I know I will be hated for this but....
> 
> I am one of those few woman that do not grow hair on their legs. None! Don't know why, I have hair everywhere else! I shave my bare legs once a year just to be able to say I do. LOL!


I don't hate you, but I AM insanely jealous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lone Shadow

Huebnem, I also know a few women who refuse to shave in the winter, and it doesn't even get that cold in Virginia. 

Pink, are you offering free critiques? I've got a pic on page 40 of the "If you dare" thread.


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## huebnem

Well, a girl actually talked to me at the dog park today so I guess that is a start...even if the conversation started because my dog was trying to hump hers!


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## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Huebnem, I also know a few women who refuse to shave in the winter, and it doesn't even get that cold in Virginia.
> 
> Pink, are you offering free critiques? I've got a pic on page 40 of the "If you dare" thread.


Which one? The dog or the guy with the glasses?

:rofl:

ETA: And not that cold??? Have you BEEN HERE the last two winters???


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## Lone Shadow

Take your pic. The dog is better looking, imo.

I've been here since 2008, so yeah. But then, I used to live in upstate NY. And the winter of 2007-2008? Yeah, I spent that one more than 700 miles north of the arctic circle. So my concept of "cold" is slightly warped.


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## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Take your pic. The dog is better looking, imo.


Well, I'm not good at assessing dogs.

On the goatee, good length. Not too short (too short causes wicked beard burn on the ladies), but not too long. Keep doing what you're doing 




Lone Shadow said:


> I've been here since 2008, so yeah. But then, I used to live in upstate NY. And the winter of 2007-2008? Yeah, I spent that one more than 700 miles north of the arctic circle. So my concept of "cold" is slightly warped.


Fair enough. You have a skewed perception :rofl:

I've been in the DMV much longer, but further north than you... I've never seen it as bad as last year. Normally, it's not so cold. This year is colder than normal, but not as bad as last--yet.


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## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I'm not good at assessing dogs.
> 
> On the goatee, good length. Not too short (too short causes wicked beard burn on the ladies), but not too long. Keep doing what you're doing
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Fair enough. You have a skewed perception :rofl:
> 
> I've been in the DMV much longer, but further north than you... I've never seen it as bad as last year. Normally, it's not so cold. This year is colder than normal, but not as bad as last--yet.


Yeah, whisker rash is no fun for anybody. I try to do right.


Last year was bad. I had a pipe freeze in the ground. Meter reader comes out, calls dispatch, dispatch calls me. 
"Sir, are you aware that you went through 20,*000* gallons of water last month?"

"I did what?!"

Greenland was alright. One of only a couple places in the world where you can see 3 glaciers come together at 1 point. I was at Thule AFB from June 2007 to June 2008. I didn't see the sun from October to April, and didn't see a temperature warmer than -40 (btw, if you're counting, -40 is the same in F and C) for the same period.

Step outside the bar at 0300 in August though, and it's still noon. Plenty of time for a few more rounds.


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## RandomDude

Meh, quite frankly I don't give a sh-t about it either. Yet it still happens... BAH!

Had a nice steady exclusive FWB "relationship" but well, spend that much time fking one person and listening to their BS and you start giving a sh-t about them and vice versa. And now despite everything I've done to ensure there is "no emo"... now I'm taken again... F-CK! -.-

Anyways, moral of the story - sh-t happens, including relationships.


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## Lone Shadow

You're killin' me Smalls! Don't you just hate it when a relationship sneaks up on you out of nowhere?


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## huebnem

Hmmm...could happen...maybe that gir will be at the dog park again. Well behaved dog and everything...like anyone would get to know me for 3 weeks and wait a year while I'm overseas!


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## Lone Shadow

True, it could happen. You never know. Some people go to their dog park every day. Check again tomorrow?


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## RandomDude

Yeah and now I have to hasten my divorce process and deal with the inevitability of GF/daughter meetup... *sigh*

When I pass on from this world, Cupid is on the top of my hitlist!


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## huebnem

I'm there any day that I have time. She just moved here and had tried all the other parks...so I told he this is the best one...because it is in all honesty. Except the part where the old war vets find out you serve and tell you millions of "back in my day" stories!

But seriously...Lunchbox needs new buddies to play with at the dog park anyways


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## Lone Shadow

Sorry RD, you'll have to take a number. I've got a contract with the 4 Horsemen to have that flying fairy fvck drawn and quartered.

By the way, the sponsor add on the sidebar is telling me that I need to import a Russian bride. Fun times.


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## MrsVain

huebnem said:


> I wouldn't say that I have had a "good" dating life since my divorce...or even before...but I just realized I just really don't want to deal with it anymore. Don't take this as suicidal either. I am not happy about it but I really love the whole being alive thing.
> ...
> Now I just really find myself not caring. Like, I was at a friends wedding a few hour ago and which I don't really like being alone I just refused to dance with anyone. I was socializing with my friends just fine but the couple times when females approached me I couldn't go beyond a blank stare.
> 
> I used to be looking for a future wife and kids to fill my house but my mind just blanks out when the prospect of putting work into a relationship comes up. I mean, I still would love a wife and kids but...I don't really know what to call it but I guess I don't feel like putting effort into something that has a high probability of failure?


I am 46 years old, was married for 13 years with him for 15 years. i still dont know WTF happened. ya, we had issues but i was the only one trying to fix them so you know how well that worked out. we divorced in March 2014. we have 2 boys that i have sole custody and zero visitations but i still tried to have him see them every other week. his married hood rat he was f*cking before we divorced has caused a lot of problems, besides just our marriage, she has caused all sorts of problems with his visitations, will not let him see the kids alone and interrupts their 3 hours with stupid questions, and throwing herself on him. anyhow,,,,the boys havent seen him since fathers day last year. Xh doesnt call, doesnt send child support and doesnt come by. 

anyhow.... i have completely given up on dating and EVER finding another man. my dating life before my marriage wasnt the greatest. my track record is finding losers and men with no integrity, morals or values. i really thought this guy was the real thing only to find out 14 years later that he is actually the worse out of all of them. and losing him damn near killed me.

i just dont have it in me to go thru that kind of heartbreak again. it is not that i dont trust people, i do. at least the people who have stood by my side thru this. i give new people a fighting chance to show their true colors and the benefit of the doubt. i believe most people are good people. i even understand a lot of my XH behavior. but i dont believe that people have what it takes for a life long commitment. oh, i know they all say they do. h8ll, the XH had me fooled for 14 years. but it is too easy to walk away, too easy to divorce, too many people with the YOLO attitude. Besides if you cant trust your husband, who the f*ck can you trust?

i just dont want to deal with trying to find out who really wants to be with me and who is just using me. i am not good at playing head games and apparently i cant see it when other people play with my head. i dont want to be alone but i honestly dont see any other option. i go to work. i go home, take care of my kids, then go to bed. i am so OVER going to the bar and have been for many years. there is never a chance that i will ever met any man much less know if he is a good man. unless he falls out of the sky and hits me in the head. 

i put 100% into my marriage. i gave him everything i had to give. Oh i know i made mistakes, nothing compared to the mistakes that my XH made which i stood by his side. everything i did was for him and the family, i loved him with all my heart and forgave him all his mistakes, bad decisions, jail time, etc because i thought we were in it together forever. i knew all his weaknesses, all his FOO, all his bad points, his self sabotage and i loved him anyways. only to find out that my love wasnt good enough for him, that my best wasnt good enough and all the sh*t i put up with was for nothing.

i seriously do not want to go thru that again so no.....you are not alone in not wanting to date. the difference is i am 46 and you are 26, you still have your whole life ahead of you. i say take some time off of dating to work on yourself. find out what you want out of life. and work on your picker. i truely hope you find someone who is worth it.


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## SepticChange

I'm the same age as you. I think about dating on and off but hearing or reading about infidelity makes me wanna throw my hands up and thanks the heavens that I'm single with nobody but my dog to worry about. I'm one of those women who always wanted to settle down, have kids...etc. I still want that but I don't want to want that at all. But I'm fine where I'm at. I went on only 1 date in the year and a half I been single and the whole time I didn't wanna be there. A few months ago a friend of mine wanted to set me up on a date and I wanted to laugh. Am I lonely? For sure. But the thought of me being with anybody right now is laughable. What would be the point? Dating just seems pointless.


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## maincourse99

Mrsvain, I'm in 100% agreement. My ex walked out after 18 years on me and her 11 yo daughter. It's been 3 years and I feel fine being single. No desire to remarry. I can never take the risk again.

Well meaning people are always trying to get me to date, I don't want or need it. Too many cheaters, too many bad, loveless marriages and I have no confidence in my ability to choose a good person. I love being single.


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## SepticChange

Yes, I don't trust my judgment right now either so it's best that I remain single.


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## 'CuseGal

I have no interested whatsoever in dating at this time. Married at 21, divorced at 34, 45 now. He screwed me up far too much mentally and I just don't trust men anymore. Especially since the couple of times I have tried dating, the guys involved seemed nice enough before the actual date but it became obvious pretty quickly they were only looking for meaningless sex. 

Even if I was interested in dating, I have little time or opportunity to meet appropriate men. I work two jobs - Monday through Friday 10-2 at one and Tuesday through Saturday 3-9 at the other. Not a lot of time to go out. Add 5 kids between 9 and 15 into the equation and most guys aren't interested anyway. Plus, 95% of my male co-workers are either gay, married, or significantly younger than me. The other 5% are alcoholics. That's what you get when you work in a restaurant with a sports bar!

If I got to the point where I wanted sex badly enough to do something about it (and after 10 years of celibacy its definitely something I miss) and I WAS willing to have a casual relationship just for that reason, I would probably hook up temporarily with one of the younger single guys I work with. A couple of them are pretty nice and flirt enough that I know they'd be interested despite the age difference. But even that's not something I've seriously considered, because the idea of hooking up with a guy who is half my age just seems wrong to me.


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