# Questions for men



## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

So my husband and I discussed boundaries at the beginning of our marriage. We both said we'd keep porn out of our marriage. My husband said it's not something he's into and that he has all my naughty pics and videos so he wouldn't need it. My question is, are there really men out there that don't watch porn or is he probably watching it and not telling me? I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together. I try to keep our communication open on everything. Maybe I just read too much online crap that says ALL men watch porn and if he says he doesn't, he's lying. Thanks in advance.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I’m not a man but I just want to say… stop looking for trouble.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

I don't think all men watch porn. I do think most men watch some now and then. And some men watch porn often. It gets to be a problem if it takes away from the relationship. It has helped us a bit, as a source for ideas of what to try in bed. We don't watch it often together, I watch it now and then, not sure if she does. Women are tad mysterious, after all.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

No not all men look at porn, and it's nonsense to say they do. 
Sadly maybe a majority these days with the internet, but I admire you for you both sticking to good boundaries for your marriage. We have that boundary and I know quite a few couples who do as well. 

Don't believe everything you read, you may just have a good man there. There are some still about. Men survived for centuries without porn mags or the internet and no one needs porn.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> No not all men look at porn, and it's nonsense to say they do.
> Sadly maybe a majority these days with the internet, but I admire you for you both sticking to good boundaries for your marriage. We have that boundary and I know quite a few couples who do as well.
> 
> Don't believe everything you read, you may just have a good man there. There are some still about. Men survived for centuries without porn mags or the internet and no one needs porn.


i remember in college we learned that the ancient Romans had naughty paintings and sculptures, Egyptians and Greeks, too.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

It really wouldn't bother me as I know humans have needs. Lying is what would hurt. Thanks yall.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I also think if a guy watches porn let’s say… once a month or once every couple months, I don’t think he has to disclose that information to you, and I don’t think that makes him a liar. 

What I’m saying is… If you catch him watching jt, it doesn’t mean he’s lying to you, or he watches jt all the time if that makes sense.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> i remember in college we learned that the ancient Romans had naughty paintings and sculptures, Egyptians and Greeks, too.


Incredibly tame compared to now.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> I also think if a guy watches porn let’s say… once a month or once every couple months, I don’t think he has to disclose that information to you, and I don’t think that makes him a liar.
> 
> What I’m saying is… If you catch him watching jt, it doesn’t mean he’s lying to you, or he watches jt all the time if that makes sense.


If they have agreed not to bring it into their marriage then he is being deceptive if he still does it. Not sure that how often it happens changes that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

JustTheWifey said:


> It really wouldn't bother me as I know humans have needs. Lying is what would hurt. Thanks yall.


Sexual needs should be met between the two of you not by bring others into the marriage through porn.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> If they have agreed not to bring it into their marriage then he is being deceptive if he still does it. Not sure that how often it happens changes that.


I agree Diana. The deception would be what hurt. It's not like he can jump through the screen and get the fake porn star...


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Sexual needs should be met between the two of you not by bring others into the marriage through porn.


That's why we decided that at the beginning. We didn't want any outside influence/ hindrance in our marriage. I really think I need to stay off sites that lead women to believe that men watch porn.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I also think if a guy watches porn let’s say… once a month or once every couple months, I don’t think he has to disclose that information to you, and I don’t think that makes him a liar.
> 
> What I’m saying is… If you catch him watching jt, it doesn’t mean he’s lying to you, or he watches jt all the time if that makes sense.


I can see that view but it would absolutely be lying since we both said we would not bring outside crap into our marriage. If you tell someone you aren't going to do something, then sneak around and do it, you are lying.... no matter how you spin it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I used to watch porn almost every day. I haven’t watched any in almost a year. So yes it is possible to not watch it. If you never put it in front of your eyes then you did it champ! Good job! 🎉🎈👌👌


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

You say that it’s not the porn that would bother you but him lying about it would really bother you. However, based on what you’ve said it sounds like the porn in itself would actually bother you. Otherwise, why would one of yo marriage boundaries be no porn? In other words, porn is not allowed. In your first post you also mentioned “I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together.” That doesn’t necessarily sound like you are completely ok with him watching it - like you’d have to discuss it together and “approve it” or maybe ideally find other ways to satisfy his needs to ultimately he didn’t feel the need to watch porn in the end? I feel like if I was your husband, from his perspective, I’d think that you would indeed be very upset if I told you I was watching porn or felt the need/desire to watch it, so of course I won’t want to tell you. You do not come across as if you’d say “Ok honey, you can watch as long as you’re honest about it.”

Not all men watch porn, but studies show that more do than don’t. The real numbers are probably higher than what studied show since not everyone will admit to it, especially those who have sworn they won’t watch for various reasons (marriage agreement, religion, etc.) Plenty of women watch too and I’m sure those numbers are higher than studies show since women are probably less likely to admit it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I kicked all porn and masturbation out of my life as a result of the encouragement and support of good priests. Among the best things I've ever done. Improved marital intimacy by 1000%. I don't even look at swimsuit or lingerie ads. All of this is deemed sinful per the teachings of the church and I'm trying to do what I can to "take up my cross" and root out sins. My wife is super beautiful so glad to devote my eyes (and body) to her alone. Corny.. I know- and sometimes difficult but worth it.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Cici1990 said:


> You say that it’s not the porn that would bother you but him lying about it would really bother you. However, based on what you’ve said it sounds like the porn in itself would actually bother you. Otherwise, why would one of yo marriage boundaries be no porn? In other words, porn is not allowed. In your first post you also mentioned “I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together.” That doesn’t necessarily sound like you are completely ok with him watching it - like you’d have to discuss it together and “approve it” or maybe ideally find other ways to satisfy his needs to ultimately he didn’t feel the need to watch porn in the end? I feel like if I was your husband, from his perspective, I’d think that you would indeed be very upset if I told you I was watching porn or felt the need/desire to watch it, so of course I won’t want to tell you. You do not come across as if you’d say “Ok honey, you can watch as long as you’re honest about it.”
> 
> Not all men watch porn, but studies show that more do than don’t. The real numbers are probably higher than what studied show since not everyone will admit to it, especially those who have sworn they won’t watch for various reasons (marriage agreement, religion, etc.) Plenty of women watch too and I’m sure those numbers are higher than studies show since women are probably less likely to admit it.


We chose not to watch porn for the same reason we don't invite others into our bedroom....we didn't want any outside influences brought into our marriage. Maybe yours is different and you are ok with it but we decided against it. I'd actually be open to what his needs are, it's lying I'm not ok with. I guess some people are ok with lying to their SO but I'm not.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> I kicked all porn and masturbation out of my life as a result of the encouragement and support of good priests. Among the best things I've ever done. Improved marital intimacy by 1000%. I don't even look at swimsuit or lingerie ads. All of this is deemed sinful per the teachings of the church and I'm trying to do what I can to "take up my cross" and root out sins. My wife is super beautiful so glad to devote my eyes (and body) to her alone. Corny.. I know- and sometimes difficult but worth it.


Not corny at all.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I guess it depends on what one characterizes as porn....

Does a nude photo of a sexy woman count? What about a woman with huge breasts posing on a motorcycle or standing on a boat in a swim suit, with a fish she just caught? 

Guys circulate all kinds of this stuff among each other.....I mean, even look at all the women on sports shows and even local news...They pick the sexiest of women and make sure they dress so that you notice all of their ASSets..You think its because these women are so good at their job, or it's just a mere coincidence? LOL...It's literally impossible to avoid...unless you live under a rock..Anything that is directed at men or has a predominately male audience is going to feature nice looking women with all the right bumps...

I have a cousin that is staunchly against all of this stuff...Ruined two women he married because he is a gay man that couldn't figure out how to live his life in the way he wants...

I don't know what to tell you, nor what you are looking for...If it's not seemingly affecting your marriage, what is the main concern?? 

If you want to complain to someone about this complain to God...he is the one that created this drive and desire....


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I wonder how many of those "good priests" take their own advice....Judging by the billions of dollars in settlements(that we know about), my guess is it's more like "do what I say, not as I do"...


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

JustTheWifey said:


> We chose not to watch porn for the same reason we don't invite others into our bedroom....we didn't want any outside influences brought into our marriage. Maybe yours is different and you are ok with it but we decided against it. I'd actually be open to what his needs are, it's lying I'm not ok with. I guess some people are ok with lying to their SO but I'm not.


I was only trying to offer an explanation as to why he’d lie to you about it if he is indeed watching it. He may very well not be watching it at all, but if he is I can understand why he’d not want to tell you. Nothing you’ve said makes it sound as if you’d actually be okay with him watching it as long as he was honest with you about it. And that’s fine since it was something you agreed on. He shouldn’t lie about it if it’s something you promised each other you wouldn’t do. Nobody here can tell you if he’s looking at it or not. If you trust your husband, than I would just believe what he says. If it’s bothering you considerably, which I’m not sure that it is or if this is more just a question out of curiosity, maybe you need to ask him point blank since nobody here can say for sure. Of course this doesn’t mean you’ll get an honest answer, but again, if he is generally honest with all other things as far as you are concerned than it’s probably best to just believe him.

I think a large number of men DO watch porn from time to time while a smaller but real percentage do not watch at all. Then there are the habitual, multiple times a week/every day viewers - I don’t necessarily think that’s the MAJORITY of men, but still a significant number.

Do you know if he watched porn regularly before you were married?

Have you checked his browsing history? Lol

P.S. This is all coming from a woman who does indeed watch porn on occasion. I am not a man, so what do I know?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> Incredibly tame compared to now.


Um... you're aware the Kama Sutra was written in Sanskrit ca. 400BC, right?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

JustTheWifey said:


> Maybe I just read too much online crap that says ALL men watch porn and if he says he doesn't, he's lying. Thanks in advance.


The internet also says all women are hypergamous beasts who will trade up at the first chance. In other words:

"Don't believe everything you read online" - Abraham Lincoln

If you don't have evidence he is hiding porn, and he is living up to his end of the bedroom, then where is the problem?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

JustTheWifey said:


> We chose not to watch porn for the same reason we don't invite others into our bedroom....we didn't want any outside influences brought into our marriage. Maybe yours is different and you are ok with it but we decided against it. I'd actually be open to what his needs are, it's lying I'm not ok with. I guess some people are ok with lying to their SO but I'm not.


"We" chose not to watch it?

Methinks he just made the promise because he knew it was important to YOU.

I can't tell you how many posts just like yours I've read over the years where "we" make a pact not to watch porn and then the wife finds out that he does watch it occasionally and only made the promise to keep the peace.

Not sayin' that's your situation, but it is in most cases when you see posts like this.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Incredibly tame compared to now.


For the time it was racy. I googled “ancient Roman porn.” Yowza! Lol


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> "We" chose not to watch it?
> 
> Methinks he just made the promise because he knew it was important to YOU.
> 
> ...


I’ve also known some couples in real life where it was the same scenario. And eventually it came out that the husband was watching porn the whole time. Not to say this happens in every case.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Cici1990 said:


> I’ve also known some couples in real life where it was the same scenario. And eventually it came out that the husband was watching porn the whole time. Not to say this happens in every case.


Yes, it does happen a lot — even when the man appears to be in complete agreement that porn doesn’t belong in their marriage. Their wives then end up being porn monitors. Not how I would want to spend my time.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> stop looking for trouble.


Good advice.

@JustTheWifey has he done anything that leads you to lack trust in him? If he is generally honest, I suggest giving him the benefit of the doubt. He will be very hurt if he feels you don't trust him, especially if he has not given you any reason to feel that way.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

JustTheWifey said:


> That's why we decided that at the beginning. We didn't want any outside influence/ hindrance in our marriage. I really think I need to stay off sites that lead women to believe that men watch porn.


Yes good idea. Not all men do so trust him.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

JustTheWifey said:


> So my husband and I discussed boundaries at the beginning of our marriage. We both said we'd keep porn out of our marriage. My husband said it's not something he's into and that he has all my naughty pics and videos so he wouldn't need it.* My question is, are there really men out there that don't watch porn* or is he probably watching it and not telling me? I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together. I try to keep our communication open on everything. Maybe I just read too much online crap that says ALL men watch porn and if he says he doesn't, he's lying. Thanks in advance.


Yes, there is at least one of 3.5 Billion. I am a man who doesn't watch watch and has no use for porn. All of our devices have filters to prevent any of that junk getting in. FWIW, also have no interest in strip clubs either. If someone thinks am lying, oh well...

As a young teenager of course pictures of naked or nearly naked women attracted me and my male friends to whatever magazines were available ( some of the kids dads subscribed so they could sneak them out of the house ). The internet wouldn't exist until years later. 

Once had access to the real deal and could participate instead of just imagine, pictures weren't much of an attraction. And, after marriage that access was always available.

Good you keep the communication open.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownButNotOut said:


> Um... you're aware the Kama Sutra was written in Sanskrit ca. 400BC, right?


I think you are clutching at straws. lol


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> "We" chose not to watch it?
> 
> Methinks he just made the promise because he knew it was important to YOU.
> 
> ...


There are a lot of men who are wanting to keep porn out of their marriage as much as women.
I wonder if you are perpetuating the myth that all men do it? They really don't thankfully.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Of course there are guys that say they never look at any women, but it may not be because of some perceived "will of steel" or some moral or religious high ground...Some most likely asexual, or perhaps their libido tanked due to a medical condition, medications or whatever....Do they also count? I dunno there..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

JustTheWifey said:


> So my husband and I discussed boundaries at the beginning of our marriage. We both said we'd keep porn out of our marriage. My husband said it's not something he's into and that he has all my naughty pics and videos so he wouldn't need it. My question is, are there really men out there that don't watch porn or is he probably watching it and not telling me? I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together. I try to keep our communication open on everything. Maybe I just read too much online crap that says ALL men watch porn and if he says he doesn't, he's lying. Thanks in advance.


All men have an xy chromosome combination, after that, all men are individuals with some generally accepted similarities but hardly the exact same behavior and choice making habits.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DownButNotOut said:


> Um... you're aware the Kama Sutra was written in Sanskrit ca. 400BC, right?


Yeah. I initially didn't want to comment but the ancients were hardly "tame" compared to us.🙄


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> I think you are clutching at straws. lol


I think you're forgetting about the world's oldest profession...

Op, I think it would serve you better to talk to him if you're feeling suspicious or insecure regarding this issue.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

JustTheWifey said:


> That's why we decided that at the beginning. We didn't want any outside influence/ hindrance in our marriage. I really think I need to stay off sites that lead women to believe that men watch porn.


How did this discussion go. "I don't want you to watch porn" or "let's talk about porn and mutually decide what's appropriate."

I agree with girl_power don't create a problem when there is none.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> Of course there are guys that say they never look at any women, but it may not be because of some perceived "will of steel" or some moral or religious high ground...Some most likely asexual, or perhaps their libido tanked due to a medical condition, medications or whatever....Do they also count? I dunno there..


Maybe that applies to a tiny tiny minority but many men and women don't watch porn because they simply want to keep their sex life between each other and see porn as damaging to themselves and their marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Benbutton said:


> I think you're forgetting about the world's oldest profession...
> 
> Op, I think it would serve you better to talk to him if you're feeling suspicious or insecure regarding this issue.


Having sex with a prostitute is another topic.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Yeah. I initially didn't want to comment but the ancients were hardly "tame" compared to us.🙄


Yes, sexual sin has been around for a long time. Porn has recently become far more explicit and far easier to get hold of.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Yes, sexual sin has been around for a long time. Porn has recently become far more explicit and far easier to get hold of.


Technology only helps expose the wickedness that has always been in the hearts of men.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Technology only helps expose the wickedness that has always been in the hearts of men.


Yes and encourages it so much. If it's fed it just gets worse.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I’m not a man but I just want to say… stop looking for trouble.


this^

OP, you've created a hypothetical situation of porn use. There is no evidence of it that you've mentioned. You have an agreement, with no evidence he has broken it.

This is a no win scenario; 

if he indeed hasn't broken your agreement your marriage will still suffer because you're beginning to distrust him with no cause. Be careful not to get bitter or suspicious over (so far) nothing. 

However, if you're determined to believe that all men without exception use porn, then that becomes your reality; you'll have to adjust your perspective re if you can live with -any- man.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Cici1990 said:


> I was only trying to offer an explanation as to why he’d lie to you about it if he is indeed watching it. He may very well not be watching it at all, but if he is I can understand why he’d not want to tell you. Nothing you’ve said makes it sound as if you’d actually be okay with him watching it as long as he was honest with you about it. And that’s fine since it was something you agreed on. He shouldn’t lie about it if it’s something you promised each other you wouldn’t do. Nobody here can tell you if he’s looking at it or not. If you trust your husband, than I would just believe what he says. If it’s bothering you considerably, which I’m not sure that it is or if this is more just a question out of curiosity, maybe you need to ask him point blank since nobody here can say for sure. Of course this doesn’t mean you’ll get an honest answer, but again, if he is generally honest with all other things as far as you are concerned than it’s probably best to just believe him.
> 
> I think a large number of men DO watch porn from time to time while a smaller but real percentage do not watch at all. Then there are the habitual, multiple times a week/every day viewers - I don’t necessarily think that’s the MAJORITY of men, but still a significant number.
> 
> ...


Nah. I don't want to go through his phone. I should add that I'm super OCD, so I will hyperfocus on things. It's not really that it would bother me, I'd just do it as a couple since we do most things that way. Super healthy sex life. I'm just curious bc my OCD is in hyperdrive and at this moment I think it's from articles saying ALL men watch porn or lie about it. I don't think it's fair to say ALL regarding anything. That's why I came to a male forum to get opinions from real men. Thank you for all your answers, I appreciate it.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

DownButNotOut said:


> The internet also says all women are hypergamous beasts who will trade up at the first chance. In other words:
> 
> "Don't believe everything you read online" - Abraham Lincoln
> 
> If you don't have evidence he is hiding porn, and he is living up to his end of the bedroom, then where is the problem?


You know, I never have searched what it says about what ALL women do. Maybe that will help because I know I definitely am not trading up.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> "We" chose not to watch it?
> 
> Methinks he just made the promise because he knew it was important to YOU.
> 
> ...


It was actually him that brought it up. When I met him I was young and naive and obsessed with Jenna Jameson.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

JustTheWifey said:


> Nah. I don't want to go through his phone. I should add that I'm super OCD, so I will hyperfocus on things. It's not really that it would bother me, I'd just do it as a couple since we do most things that way. Super healthy sex life. I'm just curious bc my OCD is in hyperdrive and at this moment I think it's from articles saying ALL men watch porn or lie about it. I don't think it's fair to say ALL regarding anything. That's why I came to a male forum to get opinions from real men. Thank you for all your answers, I appreciate it.


It's interesting that those who write these articles clearly must know every single man on the planet and what they do and don't do. 
Sometimes these ideas are from men who try and excuse their porn use by claiming that all men do it and if they don't they must be asexual which is clearly nonsense. Not sure why you would believe an article over your husband though.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Yes, there is at least one of 3.5 Billion. I am a man who doesn't watch watch and has no use for porn. All of our devices have filters to prevent any of that junk getting in. FWIW, also have no interest in strip clubs either. If someone thinks am lying, oh well...
> 
> As a young teenager of course pictures of naked or nearly naked women attracted me and my male friends to whatever magazines were available ( some of the kids dads subscribed so they could sneak them out of the house ). The internet wouldn't exist until years later.
> 
> ...


I send him pictures, videos of myself, videos with him, I wear lingerie and cite outfits, and always make sure to keep our communication open. He said he loves my pics but the real thing is what he wants. My sex drive is higher so I'm always ready to go lol


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> There are a lot of men who are wanting to keep porn out of their marriage as much as women.
> I wonder if you are perpetuating the myth that all men do it? They really don't thankfully.


My thoughts too Diana7


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

sokillme said:


> How did this discussion go. "I don't want you to watch porn" or "let's talk about porn and mutually decide what's appropriate."
> 
> I agree with girl_power don't create a problem when there is none.


He said he'd rather us not bring anything into our marriage that would make the other insecure, and I agreed. I was younger when we met and obsessed with Jenna Jameson. I had had more experience than him and had tried things like 3somes. So I think he was a little insecure when we met.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

JustTheWifey said:


> I'm just curious bc my OCD is in hyperdrive and at this moment I think it's from articles saying ALL men watch porn or lie about it. I don't think it's fair to say ALL regarding anything. That's why I came to a male forum to get opinions from real men.


My wife didn't want me watching or looking when we were younger (started dating at 17), so I stopped. It wasn't a big deal to me. At some point she got over that and it became more of a "don't ask, don't tell". 

Some men do lie about watching porn, some don't. Unless your husband has given you reason to worry, try to let it go.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

JustTheWifey said:


> I send him pictures, videos of myself, videos with him, I wear lingerie and cite outfits, and always make sure to keep our communication open. *He said he loves my pics but the real thing is what he wants. My sex drive is higher so I'm always ready to go lol*


I am like him and you are like my wife. We are (really) old school, NEVER picture or videos because never wanted anything to escape. I think era of the smart phone and internet are going to cause lot of people future trouble. Our (vivid) mind pictures are safe to savor where/when we want.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> I am like him and you are like my wife. We are (really) old school, NEVER picture or videos because never wanted anything to escape. I think era of the smart phone and internet are going to cause lot of people future trouble. Our (vivid) mind pictures are safe to savor whenever/whenever we want.


Absolutely


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'm a student of human nature. And the nature of humans, is SELDOM what they may say it is, or want it to be.

Here is what I see in your post; you started by indicating that your husband and yourself have communicated regarding boundaries. A good, and necessary thing. Your focus in this context is the consumption of explicit sexual content. I suppose what is rattling around in my head is whether or not your question, is your actual question?

You indicated that you and your spouse have recorded both photographs and video of your own explicit sexual activity, which quite clearly were those images or videos to be shared outside of the sanctity of your relationship, any reasonable adult viewing it, would likely call it 'porn'. So the short answer to your question is; yes, your husband consumes pornography. But the content he utilizes is acceptable to you. Given the desire to create your own sexually explicit content, (which make no mistakes, I'm all for as a creative exercise in intimacy and injecting some excitement into the sexual experience) I'd further suggest that your husband absolutely HAS been a consumer of porn at some point in his life. As have you I presume, given your reference to Jenna Jameson. So I'm further assuming you guys aren't youngsters either, or Jameson wouldn't have been your female reference. Again, I don't think this is an issue. Based upon what little you have offered, it sounds to me like you have a healthy, robust, and active sex life, which by default probably sets you apart from 90% plus, of other relationships on the forum. 

So is this all just sort of a thought exercise on your part, or are there things taking place in your relationship that have your radar up? Have you guys ever watched porn together? I've had this request from several partners in the past.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Deejo said:


> I'm a student of human nature. And the nature of humans, is SELDOM what they may say it is, or want it to be.
> 
> Here is what I see in your post; you started by indicating that your husband and yourself have communicated regarding boundaries. A good, and necessary thing. Your focus in this context is the consumption of explicit sexual content. I suppose what is rattling around in my head is whether or not your question, is your actual question?
> 
> ...


The pics and videos are for our eyes only. We definitely have a great sex life. Once I took him to a drive in where there was a movie playing but we didn't even watch it lol. We hopped in the backseat and did it then left. We had been out on our date and I had a few drinks and felt frisky. I wanted us to do it literally asap and we had a babysitter at home so I was like, go here... we can do it in the truck. He moved us around the parking area about 15 times for fear of someone seeing us.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Thank you to all that replied.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Was not implying that your love stash is being shared with others, but more along the lines that if you or he feels compelled to, and is comfortable with capturing explicit images, that just tells me that you and he have probably been exposed to them previously, either in other relationships, or because you have both used pornographic content.

I find what you pointed out to be yet another female oddity. Whenever I have had 'risky' sex, meaning possibility of discovery; I've always been stunned that my partners have literally seemed ambivalent about being caught, they were instead ... wildly focused on, and into the act itself, and much like your husband, I've been left keeping an eye and ear out, or telling her "You keep making those noises, and someone is going to call 911."

As others have said, and based on what you have indicated about your relationship, it certainly doesn't sound like there is behavior to be concerned about.


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## JustTheWifey (Jun 6, 2021)

Deejo said:


> Was not implying that your love stash is being shared with others, but more along the lines that if you or he feels compelled to, and is comfortable with capturing explicit images, that just tells me that you and he have probably been exposed to them previously, either in other relationships, or because you have both used pornographic content.
> 
> I find what you pointed out to be yet another female oddity. Whenever I have had 'risky' sex, meaning possibility of discovery; I've always been stunned that my partners have literally seemed ambivalent about being caught, they were instead ... wildly focused on, and into the act itself, and much like your husband, I've been left keeping an eye and ear out, or telling her "You keep making those noises, and someone is going to call 911."
> 
> As others have said, and based on what you have indicated about your relationship, it certainly doesn't sound like there is behavior to be concerned about.


Thank you!


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Here's the thing.....

Let's say everything was as wonderful as you say it is with your relationship and your sex life...But you found out he wasn't truthful about not viewing nude photos of women, and some pornography...

Would that blow up your life?? What worries you about it?

Just like Diana or catholic buddy says stuff like these things destroy people's lives,well...so does gaining weight, not grooming, laziness and a myriad of other issues these people never talk about...Everything in life can be abused...and can destroy a couple's sex life way worse and way more devastatingly than looking at a sexy member of the opposite sex..

I think Diana thinks i am a porn advocate...Not even close to the truth....She doesn't get it...Doesn't make her a bad person, but she doesn't understand and chooses some religious moral high ground...If it works for her, great...I am happy...

OP, I don't think you are being truthful about the reason you decided to start this thread...The way you are making it sound like you just wanted to take a poll of the percentage of men that do it..Seems like BS to me......I think there is more to this than we are being led to believe...I am not saying you need to explain further or "come clean" about what the real issue is, but to me, there is something here we aren't getting..so it's kinda hard to give any legitimate answer..


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> No not all men look at porn, and it's nonsense to say they do.
> Sadly maybe a majority these days with the internet, but I admire you for you both sticking to good boundaries for your marriage. We have that boundary and I know quite a few couples who do as well.
> 
> Don't believe everything you read, you may just have a good man there. There are some still about. Men survived for centuries without porn mags or the internet and no one needs porn.


A 2014 study found that 87% of men and 29% of women watch porn at least weekly.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

BigDaddyNY said:


> A 2014 study found that 87% of men and 29% of women watch porn at least weekly.


Anyone want to take bets on a substantial shift in those metrics in a year plus of lockdowns and Covid?


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## mac6671 (May 20, 2021)

I believe more men watch it today than in years past. I fall into that category. It’s so easy to find. There is little to mostly no money needed and It caters to every nauty nuance you could think of. 
Lots of clean sites with something for the ladies as well. The offer lady friendly sections that are kin to soap operas with soft core scenes that will jump start even tough cases. 
Having said that , erotica is not for everyone and if you know this going into a relationship or marriage, then you should honor the vows you make and take. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> A 2014 study found that 87% of men and 29% of women watch porn at least weekly.


Sounds about right


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

of course there are men out there who never watch porn. not sure what the percentage is, but like others say, best to drop this one


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Sounds about right


I agree and it means that odds are if a guy says he doesn't look at porn he is probably lying. Some people are just embarrassed by it for some reason and won't be truthful.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Don’t stare. A glance is all. Who are you to judge others?


You asked me per #69 above- am I not allowed to answer?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> You asked me per #69 above- am I not allowed to answer?


You did not answer my questions. What’s the harm in looking and do you wear blinders?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You make it sound like every guy that looks at porn has an ED issue and use it to cheat their wives out of sex. I hardly think that is the case. Some couple actually use it to enhance their sex life. Maybe what you describe happens to some guys addicted to porn. Just like drinking alcohol, not everyone drinks until they are non-functional in life. I often agree with many of the things you say, but you have a pretty bad habit of painting things with a very broad brush or take things to the extreme and act like it is the norm.
> 
> And for the record, I never, ever turn my wife down.


Yep, porn cab enhance, inspire. No doubt


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yep, porn cab enhance, inspire. No doubt


Can^


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yep, porn cab enhance, inspire. No doubt


It can, but there are pitfalls too. First and foremost you have to remember porn is acting. It isn't real everyday sex and the performers are not average people. Comparing and emulating everything you see could be a bad idea, or at least won't turn out the way you expect. Porn can also run the whole gamut from sensual love making to some of the most degrading and disgusting acts. Like my drinking analogy, for some it can get out of hand.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> Yeah, I know. If sex is infinitely valuable to marriage and one porn encounter degrades it any way- I feel like something infinitely valuable was lost. I think sex (and procreation) IS the highest thing we do as humans... we become like God.. and participate in creation.


I do think sex is one of the most important, if not the most important parts of marriage. And you are correct, you should avoid doing something that degrades it. What if porn adds to and enhances the sexual experience for a couple? Is that not a good thing? Although I think you have to be very cautious, I actually think porn can be used as a learning tool in some cases. I know I've personally watched videos that are clearly porn, but were covering some topic I wanted to learn more about to use in my personal sexual life with my wife. I think that is a good thing.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

JustTheWifey said:


> The pics and videos are for our eyes only. We definitely have a great sex life. Once I took him to a drive in where there was a movie playing but we didn't even watch it lol. We hopped in the backseat and did it then left. We had been out on our date and I had a few drinks and felt frisky. I wanted us to do it literally asap and we had a babysitter at home so I was like, go here... we can do it in the truck. He moved us around the parking area about 15 times for fear of someone seeing us.


@JustTheWifey 

It seems a possibility you have an an underlying desire to add more to your sex life and reading about who's watching porn, and about porn, is providing you with a bit of naughty you in fact want to bring into the mix?

You mention you were quite a bit more sexually experienced entering the M, have had some threesomes, and variety, and that's certainly ok, and no worries, all good. That said because you also mentioned he was not very experienced.

Is it possible you want him to be watching some porn? And that you see as an opportunity to add more to your sex life? Do you want to watch some, or watch with him?

All meant in non judgmental or condemning, because it's not uncommon, and some couples do. 

Do you want him to bring it up first, so you can go along with it, trying to bring in some variety? You do sound sexually open, and that's a positive thing.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It can, but there are pitfalls too. First and foremost you have to remember porn is acting. It isn't real everyday sex and the performers are not average people. Comparing and emulating everything you see could be a bad idea, or at least won't turn out the way you expect. Porn can also run the whole gamut from sensual love making to some of the most degrading and disgusting acts. Like my drinking analogy, for some it can get out of hand.


They are quite more agile than most of us.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I agree and it means that odds are if a guy says he doesn't look at porn he is probably lying. Some people are just embarrassed by it for some reason and won't be truthful.


It’s like those couples who claim “we never argue.”


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Yes, sexual sin has been around for a long time. Porn has recently become far more explicit and far easier to get hold of.


If you are referring to the 1850s through the 1890s as being recent, I agree it is far more explicit, Since no pornography being made today shows anything that hasn't already been published and distributed in the latter half of the 19th century.

That said I do agree with you that it is far easier to get hold of today.

Although to be fair that also depended upon where one lived. Since the British 1857 Obscene Publications Act was made to stop the enormous trade in extremely explicit printed pornography, that was roaring up and down Holywell Street in London. Although the act, seizures and other measures didn't end up stopping that trade at all. With it growing even further, before moving to Charing Cross Road then Soho amongst other many places in the succeeding century.

While the genie had left the bottle probably never to be returned in 1969, as a consequence of Denmark legalising pictorial and audio-visual pornography, after doing the same for pornographic literature in 1967. Which became quite accessible throughout Europe as a consequence of free movement through the EEC then later the European Union. Followed by relaxing laws on pornography in various countries subsequently.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> OP, I don't think you are being truthful about the reason you decided to start this thread...The way you are making it sound like you just wanted to take a poll of the percentage of men that do it..Seems like BS to me......I think there is more to this than we are being led to believe...I am not saying you need to explain further or "come clean" about what the real issue is, but to me, there is something here we aren't getting..so it's kinda hard to give any legitimate answer..


I think the below quote is part of it. I also think she's more sexually adventurous than her husband - and perhaps hopes he's watching to get ideas?



JustTheWifey said:


> I should add that I'm super OCD, so I will hyperfocus on things. It's not really that it would bother me, I'd just do it as a couple since we do most things that way. Super healthy sex life. I'm just curious bc my OCD is in hyperdrive and at this moment I think it's from articles saying ALL men watch porn or lie about it.


@JustTheWifey try to remind yourself that this isn't rational. Don't let yourself become completely paranoid over it. 

If it's because you want him to watch, that's an entirely different conversation.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I am 61. No way a prude. But the last porn I saw was on an 8mm movie in 1980. (Unless you consider nude photos as porn, I'm assuming you are talking movie etc.) Not objecting to it, just never my thing, then later from what I've seen, creates more problems. So.... no.... Not EVERY man watches porn.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This is one of those times in life where the answer to the question is:
"If I needed to have an opinion, I would have been issued one, sir!"


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

JustTheWifey said:


> Nah. I don't want to go through his phone. I should add that I'm super OCD, so I will hyperfocus on things. It's not really that it would bother me, I'd just do it as a couple since we do most things that way. Super healthy sex life. I'm just curious bc my OCD is in hyperdrive and at this moment I think it's from articles saying ALL men watch porn or lie about it. I don't think it's fair to say ALL regarding anything. That's why I came to a male forum to get opinions from real men. Thank you for all your answers, I appreciate it.


I dont watch porn. Have not had the urge to watch it in many, many years. My wife keeps me satisfied. Before marriage, yes.

Porn, fantasizing about others and women reading their mommy porn books are all in the same category to me. Have no use for any of it in marriage.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

JustTheWifey said:


> So my husband and I discussed boundaries at the beginning of our marriage. We both said we'd keep porn out of our marriage. My husband said it's not something he's into and that he has all my naughty pics and videos so he wouldn't need it. My question is, are there really men out there that don't watch porn or is he probably watching it and not telling me? I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together. I try to keep our communication open on everything. Maybe I just read too much online crap that says ALL men watch porn and if he says he doesn't, he's lying. Thanks in advance.


I didn't read all the ******** replies that claim all men watch porn.

My husband doesn't watch it.
His dad I'm sure doesn't watch it.
There are men who don't watch it.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Cici1990 said:


> You say that it’s not the porn that would bother you but him lying about it would really bother you. However, based on what you’ve said it sounds like the porn in itself would actually bother you. Otherwise, why would one of yo marriage boundaries be no porn? In other words, porn is not allowed. In your first post you also mentioned “I've told him he could always just tell me if it's something he ever needed and we could cross that bridge together.” That doesn’t necessarily sound like you are completely ok with him watching it - like you’d have to discuss it together and “approve it” or maybe ideally find other ways to satisfy his needs to ultimately he didn’t feel the need to watch porn in the end? I feel like if I was your husband, from his perspective, I’d think that you would indeed be very upset if I told you I was watching porn or felt the need/desire to watch it, so of course I won’t want to tell you. You do not come across as if you’d say “Ok honey, you can watch as long as you’re honest about it.”
> 
> Not all men watch porn, but studies show that more do than don’t. The real numbers are probably higher than what studied show since not everyone will admit to it, especially those who have sworn they won’t watch for various reasons (marriage agreement, religion, etc.) Plenty of women watch too and I’m sure those numbers are higher than studies show since women are probably less likely to admit it.


And yet just because your spouse may not like something is never a reason to hide it or lie about it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I didn't read all the ****** replies that claim all men watch porn.
> 
> My husband doesn't watch it.
> His dad I'm sure doesn't watch it.
> There are men who don't watch it.


Not all men watch porn, but fact is those that don't are in the minority. Are you 100% sure your husband and his dad don't ever look at porn? Why, because they said so? Most people are too embarrassed to be honest about it when asked face to face. Fact is study after study show that ~80% of men admit they watch porn on a somewhat regular basis when asked anonymously. Psychology Today did a survey in 2018 and found that 98% of men and 73% women of reported using internet porn in the past 6 months. 80% of men and 26% of women said they used internet porn within the last week. This was a survey among people currently in a relationship.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Not all men watch porn, but fact is those that don't are in the minority. Are you 100% sure your husband and his dad don't ever look at porn? Why, because they said so? Most people are too embarrassed to be honest about it when asked face to face. Fact is study after study show that ~80% of men admit they watch porn on a somewhat regular basis when asked anonymously. Psychology Today did a survey in 2018 and found that 98% of men and 73% women of reported using internet porn in the past 6 months. 80% of men and 26% of women said they used internet porn within the last week. This was a survey among people currently in a relationship.


and even the study shows 20% of men don't watch it regular. So no not everyone does it.

And yes. I believe my husband doesn't watch it. He says he doesn't, I believe him. That may be a skewed view here on TAM but we don't practice lying to each other.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> and even the study shows 20% of men don't watch it regular. So no not everyone does it.
> 
> And yes. I believe my husband doesn't watch it. He says he doesn't, I believe him. That may be a skewed view here on TAM but we don't practice lying to each other.


Right, I lead with not all men watch porn. And yes that study shows that 20% of men haven't watched porn in the last week, but it also shows that only 2% haven't used it in the past 6 months. That is awfully close to all men and if your husband and FIL haven't watched porn in the last 6 months they are in the very small minority, which was my point.

The top porn site in the US claims to have 92 million unique viewers every day! That is a lot of people watching porn. It is very embarrassing to many men, especially if they know the person they are talking to doesn't approve. It is a dirty little secret for most couples. Lying is a natural response to being confronted with something embarrassing. Like, "did you just fart?" The answer is usually no, not me. I know that isn't the same thing, but when something feels embarrassing that is the knee jerk reaction.

If your husband doesn't watch porn, well good for him.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

A girl I used to date liked to go and read infidelity sites occasionally. I could tell whenever she had because the next thing I knew she was demanding to know what other women I was talking to. Even though in her heart she knew I never cheated. Something about being around that toxic environment would just flare up her anxiety.

To answer your question, no, not all men watch or need porn. Only you really know the answer to whether your husband does or not. If his sexual desire is 100% focused on you. Don't let online influences cloud your judgement.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

It depends how frequent sex is. If your going a week or more without sex, I bet he is sneaking into the bathroom knocking a quick one out. Some guys can only last a couple days. Some of us old warriors can last a little longer.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i don't look at porn often, and another thing is even if a man looked at porn you don't know what he is thinking of when looking at ti , 
most porn i find is sick , and what is more interesting is what type porn a man likes 
i llike porn that has the actors dressed up more than when they are nude banging , i have nothing against a good sex in porn , where it looks real


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

I'm not a man, but my husband doesn't watch porn. I've tried to even get him to watch with me, he doesn't want to. Doesn't mean he has NEVER watched it. Why can't it be something you do together, to get new ideas from? That was my intention with wanting to watch it with him.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> It depends how frequent sex is. If your going a week or more without sex, I bet he is sneaking into the bathroom knocking a quick one out. Some guys can only last a couple days. Some of us old warriors can last a little longer.


And if a grown man believes he has to sneak into the bathroom to bang one out as you say, he still has some maturing to do. 

He's not a pimply teenager. In his own house he should not believe he has to sneak one in. Damn that.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

CountryMike said:


> In his own house he should not believe he has to sneak one in. Damn that.


I think most people would agree with this, IF it's a normal, healthy relationship. If he's addicted to porn and ignoring his wife to jack to it, or manipulating his wife by withholding sex and going solo instead, probably not.


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