# Smart Phone Surveillance



## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Anybody had any dealings with the cell surveillance programs out there (flexispy-Mspy-ect.)which ones really work or which ones to stay away from.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

What ever you do make sure you know what your doing. And make sure you have really good recption so that when they send an authorization code you will get it in a timely manner. I didnt and got busted. But that was probably the best thing that happened to me. It forced me to manup and finally grow the balls to tell her my concerns and my expetations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

That being said, look at TeenSafe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Anybody had any dealings with the cell surveillance programs out there (flexispy-Mspy-ect.)which ones really work or which ones to stay away from.


iPhone, Android, Blackberry, or Windows phone?

Other?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Thound said:


> What ever you do make sure you know what your doing. And make sure you have really good recption so that when they send an authorization code you will get it in a timely manner. I didnt and got busted. But that was probably the best thing that happened to me. It forced me to manup and finally grow the balls to tell her my concerns and my expetations.


How are things w/ Mrs. Thound, by the way?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> How are things w/ Mrs. Thound, by the way?


We are doing great. I feel at peace that there was no EA. We now communicate better than EVER. I have taken on more of a leadership role and she is letting me lead. I get her input, but I lead. NMMNG and MMSLP has helped a lot. I havent employed all of it, but enough to make a difference. I need to go back and reread them though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Android


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Thound,
we already had D-day just wanting to keep track, you know not a lot of trust right this minute. My expectations were made very clear. Just want to make sure she is living up to them


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Android


Make/model?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just looked up your other thread...

Your wife is a serial cheater and you have no children... why haven't you filed for divorce?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

LASTIME said:


> Thound,
> we already had D-day just wanting to keep track, you know not a lot of trust right this minute. My expectations were made very clear. Just want to make sure she is living up to them


I fully understand. Trust has to be earned. Just dont drive yourself crazy by obsessing. I wish you only the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Just looked up your other thread...
> 
> Your wife is a serial cheater and you have no children... why haven't you filed for divorce?


Still in limbo, shock, stupid I really don't know. I have read and read on serial cheaters and Narcissist and other than the affairs she doesn't fit any of the traits (cant believe I just wrote that) and it is hard to convince my self to end it with 17 years invested. Any advice other than run!!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Still in limbo, shock, stupid I really don't know. I have read and read on serial cheaters and Narcissist and other than the affairs she doesn't fit any of the traits (cant believe I just wrote that) and it is hard to convince my self to end it with 17 years invested. Any advice other than run!!


None that you'll like... and it will all end pretty much the same.

Sorry. 

Just curious... was your wife a CSA (childhood sexual assault) victim?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Lastime, I think you need to VAR her car and have her take a polygraph in addition to monitoring her phone.

I would be surprised if it is only the 2 PAs given what you've posted in both your threads. You need to know for sure the full extent of what has happened.

In my opinion, filing for divorce is warranted as the strongest possible message to her. You have to be ready to follow through, but you can always put the D on pause if she is truly working at fixing herself and the marriage.

Also you need to talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself in case this goes to D. For example, in some places an affair is relevant to the divorce settlement in terms of alimony etc. If you have sex with her after finding out about the affair, in some places it is considered by the court to be forgiveness, and you lose the ability to use the affair to get out of alimony. Also, alimony may be in play given the long term nature of your marriage, so getting things rolling now may save you in the future if you do D. You need to talk to a lawyer to learn how it works where you live.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> None that you'll like... and it will all end pretty much the same.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Just curious... was your wife a CSA (childhood sexual assault) victim?


not that I am aware of why


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LASTIME said:


> not that I am aware of why


Her behavior is consistent with CSA from the little bit you've told us, though not at all conclusive.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/252225-wifes-behavior-childhood-sexual-abuse.html


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Thor said:


> Her behavior is consistent with CSA from the little bit you've told us, though not at all conclusive.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/252225-wifes-behavior-childhood-sexual-abuse.html


never even thought about it is that something you ask about or let a IC dig it out. I rugswept the whole 1st affair and there were no consequences at all at it was a big mistake. I guess that is way I am having second thoughts about D cause I did not deal with it right the first time


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Tough question on whether to ask her. I think if you are having a relevant conversation about how she was able to do this it would be appropriate. But CSA survivors will frequently deny any history. Mine denied it 3 times when I asked her early in our marriage. It was not in relation to cheating but was relevant due to other factors in our lives. She of course remembered it all along and chose to not tell me even when we were talking divorce or when I was going to IC over being distraught about marital issues.

Many CSA survivors will suppress their memories. If you just ask out of the blue they may say no because they don't remember it right then.

Also, CSA takes many forms. Some may not think of what happened as "incest" or "molestation" even though it was in fact CSA. So she may say no just because it wasn't what she defines as CSA.

Bringing it up in marriage counseling session is another possibility.

If you read up on CSA you might get an idea if there are other signs of it. Teen promiscuity is one. Her being quite sexual with you before marriage but then having real emotional difficulty after marriage (or perhaps starting shortly before the wedding) is another. The other side of the coin is her being very prudish. And it can be a mix. My wife was promiscuous as a teen and was easily sexual with me up until a few months prior to the wedding. Then she became quite avoidant of sex. She still cannot undress in front of me, 32+ years into marriage. I know a CSA survivor who was very prudish as a teen and had problems while married. But as a single woman she is pretty normal with her sexuality.

Rages and other unexplainable behaviors are also possible indicators. The whole NPD/BPD spectrum is indicative.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Thanks Thor 
She has fought with depression since early 20s and been off and on the anti depressants since then also. History of mental disorders with several family members (Grand mother, 2 Aunts,2 cousins, same bloodline) She starts IC tonight so just wait and see how it goes I guess. IYO should filing for D be immediate It has been directly on the table since D-Day. I just feel that when I file for D it is over and not to use it as scare tactic. I have spoken with att on it just not filed yet.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Thanks Thor
> She has fought with depression since early 20s and been off and on the anti depressants since then also. History of mental disorders with several family members (Grand mother, 2 Aunts,2 cousins, same bloodline) She starts IC tonight so just wait and see how it goes I guess. IYO should filing for D be immediate It has been directly on the table since D-Day. I just feel that when I file for D it is over and not to use it as scare tactic. I have spoken with att on it just not filed yet.


Whether you file or not is obviously your choice, and your thoughts on doing so are similar to my own. Either way, she needs to KNOW that it's a very real possibility.

Or, rather, that it WILL happen should she fail to turn from her adulterous ways.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Gus, 
That got way off track but needed to go there. How about the phone deal it is a lg access (l31l). & I know what I should do about the D but I want to be positive I am not making a decision out of anger.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Gus,
> That got way off track but needed to go there. How about the phone deal it is a lg access (l31l). & I know what I should do about the D but I want to be positive I am not making a decision out of anger.


Let me see what I can find.

In the meantime, have you taken a look at weightlifter's "Standard Evidence Post" thread?

Who is her cell provider... AT&T?

Is it a pre-paid phone?

Are the two of you on the same plan?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

1. Yea I just wanted to hear something from someone who had dealt with the cell surveillance
2.Straight Talk that runs on at&t towers
3.yes it is the pre paid 
4.nope separate plans
5. Thanks


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Does Straight Talk offer an online account portal that you can use to log in and retrieve information about texts and calls sent and received?

What are your finances and credit like? More specifically, if you were advised to do so, could you move your phones to an AT&T plan?

What kind of phone do YOU use? Which carrier?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

No you have to fill out forms and forms and almost have them subpoenaed from the info I have gotten from straight talk plus her phone is in her name (payment comes outta her acct)

I could switch to AT&T but wouldn't that be a red flag to not do anything on the phone (why ATT)

My Phone is straight talk also that is in my name


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Have you mentioned or implied to your wife in any way that you'd be checking her phone regularly for calls, texts, etc?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Have you mentioned or implied to your wife in any way that you'd be checking her phone regularly for calls, texts, etc?


Oh yea and she doesn't have a problem or choice rather, but the fact that there is no bill to track all she has to do is delete as you go kinda thing. That's why I was interested in monitoring the phone for my peace of mind till the final answer is in.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LASTIME said:


> Thanks Thor
> She has fought with depression since early 20s and been off and on the anti depressants since then also. History of mental disorders with several family members (Grand mother, 2 Aunts,2 cousins, same bloodline) She starts IC tonight so just wait and see how it goes I guess.


Knowing about the CSA is mostly for her benefit. Her behavior and attitudes are what matter to you within the marriage. Why she does or doesn't do something is not relevant other than giving you an explanation to understand it, or to give you some ability to help guide her towards healing.

It is up to her whether to seek whatever resources she thinks will help her. It is also up to her as an adult to make every effort to gain mental health and be a great spouse, whatever the underlying causes are.




LASTIME said:


> IYO should filing for D be immediate It has been directly on the table since D-Day. I just feel that when I file for D it is over and not to use it as scare tactic. I have spoken with att on it just not filed yet.


I agree with Gus, quoted below. I happen to favor filing because it puts her on the hot seat to really do something. Many times we see cheaters (or spouses with other deficits within the marriage) who only do the minimum necessary to keep the other from divorce. So in those cases they only have to do D- level work. Just barely enough to keep you from being so totally discouraged and angry that you would leave. But if you file now, she knows she can't string you along. She can't trickle truth you, she can't be lazy in working on the marriage. Because if she doesn't make an A+ heroic effort, you're going to go through with the divorce.



GusPolinski said:


> ... she needs to KNOW that it's a very real possibility.
> 
> Or, rather, that it WILL happen should she fail to turn from her adulterous ways.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Oh yea and she doesn't have a problem or choice rather, but the fact that there is no bill to track all she has to do is delete as you go kinda thing. That's why I was interested in monitoring the phone for my peace of mind till the final answer is in.


Do you have the e-mail address and password associated w/ her Google Play account?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Some of the better apps may require you to root the phone first.

I've had a straight talk android for over a year now. I've rooted and re-rooted it at least 5 times. There's a rooting app called poot. You just follow the directions and it's done in 5 minutes.

If you can't get an app on her phone, for what ever reason, you could try the phone app bluff...

You tell her that a friend that's a geniuses with cell phones and PC's can retrieve all her texts for the entire time she's used her phone.

You ask her for her phone and tell her you be back in 2/3 hours. Then watch her carefully for her reaction. If she texted an OM(s) on that phone, she'll never willingly give it to you.

If this happens, tell her that her passing a polygraph test is the only way that you won't file for D now.

You may never find out what was typed, but at this point do you really even need to see the words to know that it's over?...

If she gives you her phone(good sign, or she now uses a burner), yo can leave for a few hours, then afterwards tell her that for some technical reason, your friend wasn't able to retrieve any texts.

A VAR would be a good idea during and after this bluff play. In case she tells you something during and latter recants. Also, later on, if she is up to anything, you'ld almost certainly record her talking about it to someone.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Gus
I do have that information. Well I say I do,I have the pword for her gmail account would that be the same as the gplay

Ground
Why have you rooted and rerooted your phone (choice or have to ) wouldn't that mean you would have to reinstall everytime


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Gus
> I do have that information. Well I say I do,I have the pword for her gmail account would that be the same as the gplay


Should be, yes.

Do you use a Mac or PC at home? Which browser (IE, Chrome, Firefox, Safari, etc)?



LASTIME said:


> Ground
> Why have you rooted and rerooted your phone (choice or have to ) wouldn't that mean you would have to reinstall everytime


Possibly, but not necessarily.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

PC.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> PC.


Browser?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

I-E mostly chrome. Sometime


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Anybody reading this what are some absolute no bs signs that she is committed to R or do i need to start a new thread on that


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Anybody reading this what are some absolute no bs signs that she is committed to R or do i need to start a new thread on that


Here's the problem...

You've been through this before, _but *so has SHE*_. She knows what to do and what to say to throw you off her trail and, once she feels that she's done that, she's pretty brazen about carrying out her affairs.

You've caught her in two affairs, but her comments about being addicted to the attention that she receives from other men point to the possibility -- Hell, make that *LIKELIHOOD* -- that _there have been *more* than two_. Additionally, you'd be a fool to believe that, in each case, it was "only twice".

So man... I really don't know what to tell you.

How much do you know about the what, when, where, how, etc (i.e. details) of her affairs?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Pretty much everything. I ask alot of very detailed questions and she has answered them all or it could all be lies but she is not that vivid to make the answers she gave me up. Why would she lie to make the answer worse. I kept pretty tight tabs the first 3.5 4years after #1,computer,cell bills. (just switched to straight talk last year ) making sure she had been where she said and no evidence of anything else other than what I've posted (to my knoledge she didnt know the laptop or desktop was bugged


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> Pretty much everything. I ask alot of very detailed questions and she has answered them all or it could all be lies but she is not that vivid to make the answers she gave me up. Why would she lie to make the answer worse. I kept pretty tight tabs the first 3.5 4years after #1,computer,cell bills. (just switched to straight talk last year ) making sure she had been where she said and no evidence of anything else other than what I've posted (*to my knoledge she didnt know the laptop or desktop was bugged*


Are they still? Did you have monitoring enabled on either of them when you discovered (what you currently believe to be) the 2nd affair? If so, were you able to glean any additional insight from either of them?

And pleeeaaaaase tell me that you're not having unprotected sex w/ this woman. I don't necessarily mean that from an STD perspective (have either of you been tested, by the way?), but rather from a you-don't-want-to-get-her-pregnant-and-wind-up-chained-to-her-for-the-rest-of-your-life perspective.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Gps puts her there twice when she said she was this time - last time I recoverd 90% of the emails (no text then ) and there was only talk of it happening twice in the month from when it happened till I found out (she is awful at covering tracks or intentional at not covering them) . She cant have kids and no sex till she gets tested after 90 days.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Is she still in contact w/ either OM? Work w/ either of them? See either of them at church? How much do you know about them?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Not that I know of," 1ST om was exposed to his wife and pretty much everything there is to know. Where he worked. Where he lived route and time to work. Where his wife worked route and time to work pretty much stalker level stuff. Hacked his email account to recovery evidence 
Second time he is not married so exposed to his parents, talked to him on the phone after d day confirmed what she said unless they talked via esp, exposed to the church she stepped down from her position after telling both pastors and the board .So what now


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

What was the rationale to switch to the straight talk phone?

You say her phone bill comes out of her account, do you have access to that account (or all of her accounts in the case of multiples) to ensure she isnt paying two phone bills, 1 for the phone you know about, 1 for a burner?


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

If she is paying two bills she is doing one by cash and I have access to all known accounts


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

well, you can access google dashboard using her gmail credentials. This gives you a ton of access to search history, location history, etc. associated with her phone. It will also tell you all devices associated with the google play account. You could log into that and see if it has more than one device listed with access to the account. Also, this is assuming she hasnt created a new throwaway gmail account for google play.

You mentioned keylogging the pc's before, are they still and is there any evidence of a second gmail acct?


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

https://maps.google.com/locationhistory/b/0

https://www.google.com/android/devicemanager

https://www.google.com/settings/dashboard?pli=1

First link is location history. Second link is device manager, which will ping the phone on the account in real time and tell you where it is. Third link is dashboard.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

LASTIME said:


> Ground
> Why have you rooted and rerooted your phone (choice or have to ) wouldn't that mean you would have to reinstall everytime


Yes, you would. I kept re-rooting my phone because it was/is my first smart phone. As soon as I realized all of the bloat ware that android/straight talk/google had embedded in the factory image, I figured out how to root it and started blocking/deleting it.

I kept installing, uninstalling apps and tweaking the apps that I would mess up the image. So I'd factory re-set and do it all over again.

It had nothing to do with the rooting. It was caused by me downloading hundreds of apps, installing/uninstalling and disabling/uninstalling some of the OEM google crap.

If you find that your best bet is an app that requires the phone to be rooted. Root the phone. Install the app and do nothing else. The only change is if your wife tries to install an app that requires a rooted phone, when it installs a popup comes up at the very bottom of the screen say that "superuser" access has been granted.

Hey, if she where to some how figure out that you rooted her phone, how p!ssed can she really get at you? I mean, given what she has already done, she should expect it...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

altawa said:


> *well, you can access google dashboard using her gmail credentials. This gives you a ton of access to search history, location history, etc. associated with her phone. It will also tell you all devices associated with the google play account. You could log into that and see if it has more than one device listed with access to the account. Also, this is assuming she hasnt created a new throwaway gmail account for google play.*
> 
> You mentioned keylogging the pc's before, are they still and is there any evidence of a second gmail acct?


As my 8th grade English teacher used to say, "You EXACTLY right!"

:lol: :rofl:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dommy Lindar said:


> You can look at iKeyMonitor. I am using it on my kids' cell phones and it is all good so far. It can secretly monitor activities happened on the device and send the detailed logs to a preset email or FTP account. Its free trials/version are available. If you take interest, you can check out its free demo first.


The name seems to imply that it's made specifically for Apple devices... is that correct?

If so, does it work by accessing iCloud backups, or is it necessary to jailbreak the device in order to use it?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LASTIME said:


> no sex till she gets tested after 90 days.


HIV can take up to 6 months to test positive. 90 days might make you feel safe, but be sure to both get another test at 6 months.

Also, having sex with her may be considered legal forgiveness of her infidelity. If infidelity is a factor where you live, having sex with her will erase it as far as the court is concerned. So you will lose your advantage, such as alimony.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

LASTIME said:


> Anybody reading this what are some absolute no bs signs that she is committed to R or do i need to start a new thread on that


Has she gone to a lawyer to write up a postnup giving you everything in case she cheats again?
Has she gone to your family and apologized for what she did and asked their forgiveness?
Has she signed up for IC to find out why she could cheat?
Is she going to MC with you and being sincere in it (ie doing whatever homework they assign)?
Has she cut off all avenues for her to keep cheating?
Is she giving you 100% transparency and letting you know where she is at all times?

Those are all no bs signs.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

turnera said:


> Has she gone to a lawyer to write up a postnup giving you everything in case she cheats again?
> Has she gone to your family and apologized for what she did and asked their forgiveness?
> Has she signed up for IC to find out why she could cheat?
> Is she going to MC with you and being sincere in it (ie doing whatever homework they assign)?
> ...



Nailed it :iagree:


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Turnera
We have not told my family they are dealing with alot of other stuff (health wise ) right now and I don't want to add to their stuff, right now everything else she has done.we go Friday for our first mc together she started. I C this past Friday what all are you referring to with all avenues. I have to work out of town all week so the opportunity is there but what do you do I have the VAR ready to go in the car and trying to figure what to do on the phone. She seems to be doing what she is supposed to and is willing to do anything I ask, telling my family or whatever,she says she made the mess and is willing to do whatever it takes to clean it up


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

She said she would sign a post nup in case we went with the D or if we R either way


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

LASTIME said:


> she says she made the mess and is willing to do whatever it takes to clean it up


Great. Then stand back and let her. Ask her when the lawyer appointment for the postnup is.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

Thanks so you think it is just wait see from here


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

LASTIME said:


> She said she would sign a post nup in case we went with the D or if we R either way


You should probably have this done sooner rather than later...

Have it drawn up by the best lawyer you can afford...then have it reviewed by another..just to make sure. 

My dad is working on wife # 6. His prenups have really evolved over the years..damn huge...fits in a 4" binder


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

To answer your question, I used mobile spy. It works ok though you might only have a window of time before it's discovered. And in fact applications have probably improved much since. I used it when the Samsung galaxy s2 was top of the range. 

The mistake I made was that I was too eager to get started and didn't check it thoroughly enough. I didn't adjust the gps and so it was giving a location update very regularly. It drained the battery quickly and he became very concerned about his phone. He found it within a week. 

Even if he hadn't have found it, I'm pretty sure it came up on his virus/security software too. I would say The most important thing is to check it out on your phone thoroughly first before you put it on yours.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

By the way, it was flagged up as spy ware on the security app


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Remains said:


> By the way, it was flagged up as spy ware on the security app


Which security app? And was it something that he'd installed or was it present on the phone out of the box?


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

He installed it. It was lookout security. Though I don't think he'd have caught it on that. He didn't really check it and I had changed the email address to mine so he wouldn't get flagged for me checking his location.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

If you are reading this with comments other than cell phone surveillance please refer to and comment on my other thread. AFTER THE SECOND TIME Thanks


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

You may want to check DevastatedDad's old post.

It may still be relevant.




http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/67661-become-spy-catching-them-technology.html



.


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## LASTIME (Feb 4, 2015)

2asdf2 said:


> You may want to check DevastatedDad's old post.
> 
> It may still be relevant.
> 
> ...


Hey 2
Thanks for the link a lot of good info there I'll dig a lil deeper and post back what I come up with. I just wonder why I should even mess with sometimes.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

LASTIME,

Before you go much farther into the R process, I suggest you ask yourself the following question:

_Am I prepared to spy on my WW at least for the next 20-25 years and maybe for the rest of our lives together?_​
If not, then either cut the chord now or accept the fact that she'll probably cheat on you again, the next time she sees that you've dropped your guard.

If so, then more power to you (although you have a radically different view of what constitutes a successful marriage than most men have).

Good luck.


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