# Sports and visitation



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

If you only see your kids every other weekend and one might a week and you have begged your ex to give you 50/50 and she refuses, what would you think about half of your visitation time being taken up by sports that the ex enrolls the kids in?
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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Does you kid like the sport? 

And, for the bigger picture -- have you considered consulting a lawyer to revisit the custody arrangement?


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

I think sports or some kind of extracurricular activity is very important for children of all ages. Want to know why? Because it helps them in so many ways.

I know that it has been great for my kids and has kept them out of trouble. They have to keep their grades up, behave in school and be involved in the community. 

I made the mistake of not signing my oldest daughter up for anything. She didn't want to do anything at all but hang out with friends, who ended up being the wrong type friends. Since them we have fought an unwanted battle with her.

There are lots of kids on different teams who have divorced parents and somehow they make it work. The same kids tend to hang together in school and do things together. i promise, you want your child to hang out with kids who are well disciplined and well rounded who tend to stay out of trouble. I have found that kids involved in sports and other activities at school tend to try harder to avoid trouble. If it were me, I would put my child's needs over my own needs and do what is right for him. 

I have a daughter who cheers and a son who plays soccer and football. We go to these events to show our support for our child. Don't miss out. They grow up so fast.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

My ex signed our son up for under 6 soccer, she has missed taking him to all but one game (the season is more than half over). But his games all start early on mondays or tuesdays and I never took the time off work, especially as last time I was planning to he was misbehaving at school so she kept him out (that was the first game/practice).

So tonight I finally got to take him to his second game - coach was surprised to see him... and he was AWESOME, made me so proud!! The other kids were all pushy/shovy, hands all over, some of them had skill and of course at that age are all selfish, stealing the ball from their own team-mates etc... except my son, he was patient, played positioning, played defense, all on natural instinct and of course he was lightning fast without the ball and, always got ahead of the ball and the other players. He doesn't have the best footwork out there (I mean, c'mon they are 5 year olds!) however he used his feet to stop the ball instead of falling and grabbing like most of the other kids... only scored 1 goal, 1 little girl was the clear goal scorer, and his little friend scored a bunch too but only cause he kept stealing the ball from his team mates at the goal line, but seriously my boy had the best plus/minus, and he had a BEAUTY shot that was blocked by his little team-mate thief.

I don't want to be the competitive parent, but I was beaming with pride watching him tonight, and his little team-mates too - when he was younger he was not into any kind of structured sports so it is so soothing on my soul to have seen him get in there!

Both my ex and I are fully onboard with the other parent being there for events, and there isn't really much discomfort though we do tend to avoid each other. It just doesn't happen very often because it is hard being a single parent half the time, not anything like a single family sharing experiences together, where both parents are working together to be able to make it happen, and for both of us, our son's extra-curricular has to fit into only one parent or the other's schedule.

If I only had visitation though, I wouldn't consider any time I make to watch my son play sports count as visitation hours, it is supplemental and both parents SHOULD be making that effort, no matter whose watch the activities is occurring on.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My daughter does sports and I get the game schedule and try to make sure she's here for most of the games, including any playoffs. If she really doesn't want to miss a game and she's scheduled to be with her dad that weekend, I make sure to communicate to him, but the kids need to understand about the drive time.

We have community sports, some parents do leagues out of town. But community sports are cooperative among the neighboring towns, so it's not so rigorous as say, some hockey leagues.

Both my kids are in gymnastics and my daughter has a combo class dance and tap with hers. I insist they stay in this, the teacher is old-school and in any case my son had spinal surgery and it's important for his neural development to have a sport like this, and say, rock climbing... he does not play team sports except for pickup games like broom hockey in a gym...it would be dangerous for him to play team sports, he has tried it and also it's not for him...

But, he takes art lessons at an institute, with adults. I make an effort to get him to that. The art is something I wouldn't delegate to his dad. But their dad does take the kids on one gymnastics day and I take care of the other day.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I am wondering if their sports would be another reason for the court to give him 50/50, since they weren't in any sports when they first divorced. He didn't realize so much of his time would be spent sitting around watching them play sports and driving. 
Part of the issue is that the ex isnt entirely stable, has a lot of BPD qualities. We both feel that they need interaction with their father to counteract the craziness of the ex.
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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

If your H wants to go back to the court to re-litigate the custody arrangement, that's a decision that he (with your input, of course) can make.

I will say that sports (or other extra curricular activities) often consume the time that kids and their parents have to spend with each other -- even if there is no divorce & custody dispute.

My kids play (only) 1 sport a season. But with two kids, it isn't unusual to have 3 or 4 nights each week when the kids have practice (always at the awkward dinner hour, sometime between 5 and 8), and we always have at least one weekend day devoted to games (at least a 3 hour chunk out of the mid-day and sometimes as much as 5 with travel). And, adding to the time crunch is that as the kids have gotten older they spend more time on homework, more time socializing with friends, etc. 

BUT -- doing sports is good for my kids -- it's one of the major ways they (as boys) socialize with friends. It has helped them become more responsible, it means that they are fully integrated into the group of boys their age at school and in the neighborhood, and they get such a sense of accomplishment when they are able to do something -- run a 5K, score a goal, hit a home run, swim a mile. 

I'd be lying if I said that there weren't time when I wish they didn't have all these time commitments. But, kids grow up and part of growing up is that they distance themselves from their parents. That's a good thing. If you want to stay connected with your H's kids, you need to figure out if these activities are events that the kids want to do. If yes, then my advice is to try to enjoy watching the kids enjoy doing sports because you'll be showing them that you value their choices and interests and that you are there for them. If not, then you can ask your kids if they want your H to approach his ex-wife for a conversation about getting a different balance into their lives.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> If you only see your kids every other weekend and one might a week and you have begged your ex to give you 50/50 and she refuses, what would you think about half of your visitation time being taken up by sports that the ex enrolls the kids in?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can go back to court but if you don't feel that's an option, enjoy the time they kids are in sports, assuming the kid enjoys it. Your being there to cheer them on is still important time in the eyes of your children.

Also, you should be allowed to attend practice, take up asistatn coaching, and be otherwise involved, even on your non-custodial time. 

Ex comes to daughters' gymnastics practices 3x a week just to bring gatorade, give her a hug and watch for a little bit. And he attends all meets and takes her to meets on his weekends when they fall as such.

You are demonstrating good sportsmanship of your own right now.


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