# Extremely confused and looking for advice



## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Well, hello. I've been separated for 9 month's and no end in sight. We have been a couple for the last decade and I have always considered her my best friend. I have been standing for our relationship and growing my relationship with Christ starting 6 mos before she walked out. 

We have two young children 2 and 5. My wife moved out yet continues to call and want to spend time together (so long as her friends and family don't know) but only as a family unit - never just the two of us, and sometimes intimately when the kids naps allow. She has said many times she would want nothing better than to work things out for our family, but doesn't trust the positive changes in my life. I have had substance abuse issues and anger/resentment issues towards her in the past and we did not communicate well. I am now sober. She, in turn, has had anger and resentment issues towards me...thus a nasty cycle neither of us liked. Now that she has left, we are closer and more honest than ever, yet there is a huge void remaining between us. I largely believe this is due to her friends and family. I have been seeing a therapist for the past 9 mos which has really helped me learn a lot about myself. 

I have tried the 180 to no avail as it is very challenging due to the constant shuffle of the boys. And it gets worse. I lost my license for the next year due to a dui. Dumb. 
Her phone is in my name and I can see the contents of her texting. Up until this past weekend, there has been no alarming activity. All of a sudden there is 80+ posts in a two day span to a pos I have identified and finally a phone conversation today. The relationship seems to be just in development stage as they seem to just be getting to know each other's background. Yet, we were intimate the last two days in a row while this is going on. Huh?
She stopped by for dinner this evening and I shared some upsetting news about my mom's health that really has me sideways on top of everything else going on in my life. 
She did not even so much as give me a hug tonight when she left with our children which actually hurt me quite a bit. 
So what do I do? Do I confront her with the knowledge she is pursuing another or allowing herself to be pursued? I have learned this guy had an infant with his wife, stepped out on his wife 9 years ago and was immediately divorced only to get a 22 yr old pregnant and have nothing to do with the 2nd child. (the mother of baby #2 is now the caretaker...the internet tells all...) So he kept his first child part time and abandoned the other. I know my wife knows nothing of this. 
I thought about blocking his number or sending her an anonymous text with his background info...I just need to stop this if we are to have a chance, right? 

Thoughts? Criticism? Thanks in advance for reading this longer than intended post.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've been separated for 9 months, and she's found someone new. Move on. Stop having sex with her. That's only hurting your ability to move past this.

That's my advice, anyway. You can try to bust up the "affair", but since it sounds like he's single, you'll likely just tick her off even more.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I have been seperated from my H since the end of August. We had NC from Aug 28th- Oct3rd. It was stricktly short emails mostly about bills and our 3 children. There was a restrianing order to that helped the NC a bit. Restraining order was removed by me in early November. Since October my H and I have been communicating and even more ever since novemeber. Its now communicating by phone and by text on a regualr basis every day. No physical contact with us yet except for a tight hug initiated by him.

My point is if she wants to reconsile with you she would be doing all these things and having not much time to communicate with other men in that way. 

I do communicate with a couple other guys, but as friends only and always talking about my Husband. I know men can have other ideas about how they might emotionally support me, so if I see that happening I do not communicate with them.

9 months is a really really long time to be seperated and her not wanting to be back together as a family. I've been seperated for 3 months and have asked my Husband to move back in. He has not said yes yet, but it must give him some comfort that I'm asking him to start being my physical husband again.

I'm sorry you are going throguh this. You might want to start cutting off contact with her.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

PBear said:


> You've been separated for 9 months, and she's found someone new. Move on. Stop having sex with her. That's only hurting your ability to move past this.
> 
> That's my advice, anyway. You can try to bust up the "affair", but since it sounds like he's single, you'll likely just tick her off even more.
> 
> ...


First part sucks to hear. Second part makes sense although it makes me very angry to think someone will be spending time with my children..more time than I've been given at this point. I have no license for 40 more days so I feel I have to wait until then to go the big D if that is what needs to be done.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> My point is if she wants to reconsile with you she would be doing all these things and having not much time to communicate with other men in that way.
> 
> I do communicate with a couple other guys, but as friends only and always talking about my Husband. I know men can have other ideas about how they might emotionally support me, so if I see that happening I do not communicate with them.
> 
> ...


She called me this evening to have my eldest say goodnight which has become the ritual and then talked for 30 minutes. Instead of it being about me and my mom, it ended up being about her and her bad time in our relationship. She even stated she didn't think she was being supportive. Maybe there really is too much water under the bridge. 

So how does one really go NC when there are kids involved? We have to physically see each other three times a week for kid swaps. I absolutely don't want this to impact our kids anymore than it has to since their well-being is my top priority. Probably need to make me the top priority but that has been part of the problem all along. I know I've been selfish so the lines are blurry on how to proceed in balance. 

I really don't want to be angry at her since that would just make things easier on her and frankly I don't want to be angry. The fact I haven't up to this point is the main reason she hasn't cut the rope yet. Yet, I am angry at the betrayal. 

Thanks both for the time in reading and responses.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell her about him, and tell her your stopping contact with her until she is ready to actually begn working on the family. It's up to her, but you want her to know the type of guy he is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Shaggy - do I really have anything to lose by doing this other than hope? Sounds like Love Must be Tough. Any experience with this?

I however don't disagree with PBear's comment as I can see this pushing her to D and turning vindictive. That said, I'm paying the phone bill and it seems intentionally disrespectful to use my resources for her own wants. Might be better to tell her and have her transfer the phone into her name so I am rid of the potential access and checking her activities. Would probably make letting go a bit better.


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## hurtingsobad (Oct 29, 2011)

Agreed jarjar. I checked on new phone plans today. I have also decided that I am packing up all her clothes into boxes and putting them out in the garage. Next time she wants to come over and pick up "some things", she better bring her new boy toys pick up, if he has one!


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

So, strange things are in the works. ws asked me to go on a 7night vaca cruise with her and my 5 yr old with her and her bf's bf family in January. Sd its all about experiencing the firsts with him and that she wouldnt want to miss if roles were reversed.fist plane ridden, first cruise, first beach etc. sd its not a reconcile trip but I think it's a nice gesture yet we'll be sharing a room the entire time. Confronted her about the OM and don't think it's a pa at this pt. what to do and how to approach? 
Additionally, I made amends with her bf in the name of moving on but did it for me...dnt want to hold onto that anger, and her bf is suddenly on my team, pushing for reconciliation. His is yhe same friend who introduced her to om. Her main argument has been her friends and fam lack of support should she pursue reconciliation, so sounds like that obstacle is being removed. 

Thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## STARF1sh (Dec 15, 2011)

You story sounds very much like mine... I've been separated 10 months now, we have a three year old son together and our families do not get on at all. She currently lives with her parents and I see my son at least once a week.
Our relationship is akward at the moment, I also pay her cellular bills but i've never checked her records. I had an alcahol problem for the last two years of our 11 year relationship, we got married just before my son was born. Like you I haven't drank again, it's been about six months since any alcahol consumption.
My wife visits and sleeps over from time to time where she mostly initiates intimacy, it's rather strange though.
She continuously reminds me that she is not sure what she wants, that she still cares for me but doesn't know if she wants to get back together for my son or for love, she says the famous "I do love you but I don't know if i'm in love with you" - That line has to be the biggest load of SH*t i've ever heard.
Jarjar, like you I am angered inside and I mostly don't display my frustrations because there were also cases of her cheating on me where she openely admitted it, guess what... I forgave her - I know ** I'm an IDIOT 
I too went for therapy and have come leaps and bounds, I have cut off the relationship completely besides for my sons sake where I arrange a family member to collect my son. I have deleted my Facebook profile, her numbers, her everything, I don't care what she does in her spare time because for 9 months I tried and tried (not begged) to repair the relationship with counselling, she would make appoitments and then cancel, when shes depressed she calls me to be there for her, I arranged her a Job, pay all the bills and maintenance and now that she has a little confidence shes back to the confussed "don't know what i want fairy".
I still love her very dearly but to be honest I can't be with her because we are very different people today, 10 months is a long time and I am actually busy divorcing her btw. I've met no one else neither have I any intentions any time soon. It's all about me and my son, I focus on my health and well being, I don't call her, sms her or entertain any communication, she is the mother of my child and thats as far as it goes. As for her meeting someone else, I don't care - Good Luck to them both - I will even pay him to marry her 
Jarjar, my advise is cut off, you're being used as a door mat, she knows you all too well, stay focused and make alternative arrangements with the kids - it can work, trust me - no phone calls, when she calls, answer - if it's about the kids - listen and if not - say goodbye, tell her you're busy and can't speak unless it's about the kids. My two cents buddy, let me know how it goes...
Ohh yeah, one more thing, I thought I couldn't live without my wife but let me tell you that my heart would take her back in a beat cause I'm totally in love with her but HONESTLY if she asked to start again I would say NO - I wouldn't even look at reconciliation until at least two years, let the fog all clear first  good luck...


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Well, it's been a while but I'm back. 

After the trip we took together things steadily improved. She moved back home after about 10 more months. The timing seemed suspect as she had some legal trouble and lost her license for a year (couldn't even drive the kids to school). I had set a date to file if she was going to continue to sit on the fence and leave me in limbo, but she came back two weeks before that arrived. 

We had discussed many things and thought we were on good footing. Within two months it was clear we weren't out of the woods but i was committed to being what I thought she needed. As the year wore on, she continued to insist I was responsible for making her happy and we had our ups and downs. We started looking at a new home together and I honestly thought we were going to be okay. 

About 5 months ago I discovered she was out house shopping and not in the price range we had been looking at, rather, she was looking for a place all her own. She even put an offer on one only to have the loan fall through because I wasn't willing to participate in the loan process. 

At this point I was partly in denial and partly accepting this was over. A weird thing happened - we both began being very nice to each other and actively meeting each others emotional needs. I was to a degree indifferent. I read NMMNG and MMSLP and it was getting a response. It was finally feeling like the relationship we both wanted. Fast forward to January and she was now looking for an apartment and a lawyer with the intent of leaving in March (but did not tell me this). I made the decision to file to protect myself and my kids - couldn't take the limbo and wait to become a victim. 

She began telling me she loved me and things were improving, however, as part of the ex parte, she moved out two weeks ago. She stated she was being forced to choose between losing her best friend (me) and her friends. I asked if she had backed herself into a corner and she replied maybe. Sounds like she had really been running me down. She said she didn't trust me to keep being the man I am and if it was the first time she'd stay. 

I thought I was going to be okay, but now think I was just in denial hoping she would not move out and want to get serious about our relationship. 

Anyway, not sure how to proceed. I prefer to work things out but think we have been down this road too many times. The rational part of me knows I should respect myself and let it go, but the emotional side of me believes if we kept up the last 5 months, schedule time together, go to MC - we could make it. This go around I have our children 50% of the time so that is much better. I didn't get the ILYBNILWY speech and cannot find evidence of a PA or EA. I do have it on good knowledge she is seeking attention from at least two dbags now that she has moved out. Contact between us has just been about our kids and she still has a ton of stuff here including clothes. 

Sorry for the long catch up, just thought it would be good to get it all out there.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jarjar banks said:


> Well, it's been a while but I'm back.
> 
> After the trip we took together things steadily improved. She moved back home after about 10 more months. The timing seemed suspect as she had some legal trouble and lost her license for a year (couldn't even drive the kids to school). I had set a date to file if she was going to continue to sit on the fence and leave me in limbo, but she came back two weeks before that arrived.
> 
> ...


Mach put this in a CWI post... it's the best I've seen:

As everyone says you've got to be willing to burn the village to save it. It's harder to do when she has moved out, but it's definitely doable.

If she's found someone else, first expose to everyone in her family. Don't give her money for anything. 

As you've already been told, quit discussing the relationship. Go dark on everything but kids, until she's served. If she comes around, you can always stop it.

Change your hair. Grow it, cut it, dye it, just change it. Add or subtract facial hair.

Get another ride. Something a single guy would drive. Hot rod, chopper, sports car.

Get in the shape of your life; as in a defined six pack, and the broadest shoulders you can get.

Start dressing like a guy ten years younger with 3X the income.

Next time she sees you, and ever time thereafter, she needs to see the above changes. This is a signal to her that you are moving onward and upward to younger and hotter. Start going out like you're dating the world. Have a baby sitter in a couple of nights per week. Got to a movie, go to the library, go feed the bears, just be going out.

She will not like this message. Provoking that is your best option. Unfortunately, she is probably too far gone and living on her own gives her too much time to sample strange. She can get addicted, due to the brain chemistry involved, to riding the cøck carousel really quick.

The outward improvements and the clouds of mystery pouring confusion on the ground may get her attention. She may possibly become intrigued, more likely not, but if this doesn't work, nothing else will either.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Thanks, Conrad. 

I started doing many of these things in the last two months and have been getting back in shape the last five. I have grown some facial hair which she says she likes and am changing my hair style. I've been dressing better and stepping up my style - her friends have even noticed and commented right in front of her which visibly got under her skin. 

She made the comment the other night that she knew what I was doing and it irritated her. I've not instigated conversation about the relationship but she did call this evening and wanted to talk. States this is tough on her and she isn't sleeping well at all but it's the right thing to do. She wanted to blame shift and bring up the bad points of the marriage and I told her I was not okay with where this conversation is going. She again said if this was the first time we were looking at D or separation she would still be here but just doesn't trust it. 

But, I don't think it's going to turn around this time which really pains me and for the kids. I know she's telling people the D is final any day now, but we haven't had any movement since the filing and her response.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jarjar banks said:


> Thanks, Conrad.
> 
> I started doing many of these things in the last two months and have been getting back in shape the last five. I have grown some facial hair which she says she likes and am changing my hair style. I've been dressing better and stepping up my style - her friends have even noticed and commented right in front of her which visibly got under her skin.
> 
> ...


Don't focus on the relationship.

Focus on you.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

I am working on it. Im upping my workout schedule and working on adding mass. I am in IC and working through some issues. I've been battling with depression for some time but in denial about it. I'm learning to love and respect myself. I know that if I don't, I can't in turn love another the way I want to be loved. 

My IC is stating I'm the healthiest he's ever seen me which is encouraging. I feel like I need to better understand how depression has negatively impacted the relationships in my life, including my stbxw, so I don't repeat this in the future. It just hurts too bad.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Had a good IC last Friday. He stated we would never work because she kept expecting me to be the one to make her happy and I could never live up to her expectations. He said he has seen a lot of change in me over the last two years and that she has seen them too, but ran out of things to blame on me for her unhappiness. She has to be happy with who she is but is unwilling to do the work to be so. 

I'm better this week though overall. Went out, made some new friends and talked to some ladies. The misery comes and goes. I did start putting all of the stuff she left behind in the garage or in a closest. Cracked me up when my oldest asked her when she was coming to get the rest of her stuff. She is not in a hurry to do so and I'm not sure why.

A few questions on interactions with her:
I have been distant and have not called or texted her about the kids. I have not told her what i have been doing nor has she asked very often. She asked me once last week and i just said i was out and then she asked with whom? i stated just some friends. She commented well that was awkward. 

Another example -Our youngest has been giving her fits (no problems with me) and she is wanting to enforce groundings at both houses. I told her if we talk about the situation and come to agreement I'm fine with that, but am not okay with her issuing decrees. 

And, today is her birthday and it feels weird to be apart and not telling her happy bday - but this is how she wants it. I had the boys get her a small present to give to her at my sons sporting event last Saturday. She said why dont we just exchange it when we are all together next and I replied matter of factly we aren't all together anymore. I then politely ended the call and went to bed. 

Is this how I should be handling these things? I ask because she seems to be a WAS rather than a WW?

My boys are telling me they are sad and want us all to be a family (4&7) but don't say anything to her. That's tough to hear.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jarjar banks said:


> Had a good IC last Friday. He stated we would never work because she kept expecting me to be the one to make her happy and I could never live up to her expectations. He said he has seen a lot of change in me over the last two years and that she has seen them too, but ran out of things to blame on me for her unhappiness. She has to be happy with who she is but is unwilling to do the work to be so.
> 
> I'm better this week though overall. Went out, made some new friends and talked to some ladies. The misery comes and goes. I did start putting all of the stuff she left behind in the garage or in a closest. Cracked me up when my oldest asked her when she was coming to get the rest of her stuff. She is not in a hurry to do so and I'm not sure why.
> 
> ...


What you are doing is exactly right.

Stay the course.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

All in all a better week, though there were some tough moments today. iC is going well. She gave me a few fitness tests but I think I passed. She has been wanting my help with something technical and I told her to google it which would solve the problem in five minutes. She mentioned to my S once we got off the phone "is that all the help he is going to give me?" 

She has also called without leaving a message and sent me a text asking for my help on something else she could've handled on her own. My response to both were delayed or not at all. I'm second guessing myself right now. 

She mentioned today she wants to take them out of country for a vacation later this year. We had planned this last year as a family. My S7 wants me to take him somewhere a few hours away this year, and apparently he had asked her if it was ok. She cited this when she told me stating I was going to take them on a vacation this year anyway. The two trips don't compare in my mind. Feels like she is just trying to one up me. 

It kills me because it would mean I would miss my youngest S first beach, first plane, and first boat ride. These were the same reasons she invited me three years ago which led to our eventual reconciliation. 

I said I didn't know what I thought of it and would have to get back to her on it. Makes me kinda sad. Thoughts in how to proceed or correct my thinking?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jarjar banks said:


> All in all a better week, though there were some tough moments today. iC is going well. She gave me a few fitness tests but I think I passed. She has been wanting my help with something technical and I told her to google it which would solve the problem in five minutes. She mentioned to my S once we got off the phone "is that all the help he is going to give me?"
> 
> She has also called without leaving a message and sent me a text asking for my help on something else she could've handled on her own. My response to both were delayed or not at all. I'm second guessing myself right now.
> 
> ...


Why are you second guessing yourself?


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

I don't know, I guess that although I'm getting active and was less depressed this past week, I'm still sad and really miss her. We really didn't fight that much and I enjoyed having her around. But she just had too much anger from the first half of our relationship to let it go. 

Sucks because I want my family back and my best friend but I have to accept it will never happen.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

Jar jar you and I are in the same situation. Keep up with taking care of you. You will have some hard days but they get less with time. My h still lives with me until he can move out next month. We are more like roommates and are being nice to each other. But last night he went out and did not come back till 8 this morning. I was upset but find not so much now. I think I am finally starting to detach from him. I did not say anything to him about it and don't plan too.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

So yesterday she called wanting to come over to get the rest of her clothes and I agreed so I can get the bedrooms put together and not see the constant reminders of her, or the hope she's coming back.

I was just wrapping up my shower after my workout when she arrived and walked into the bathroom while I was standing there naked. She was looking me over and knew it aroused her. I told her to stop looking at me like a piece of candy which had been our joke for a long time. Nothing came of it. 

We were pleasant to each other and I helped her carry a few loads to the car to hurry up the process. She was very grateful. There was some sexual innuendo along the way and I participated because it was the way we'd always been. We found ourselves in a position for the big deal to go down, but decided it wouldn't be healthy at this point. 

She then proceeded to start cleaning parts of my house and asking if there was anything else she could do to help. Weird. She eventually left. We both got along quite well without the tension that had existed since she left and it was like it had been before she left. 

We saw each other again at my S7 sporting event. She asked if i had seen a friend that i sometimes hang out with who probably isn't the greatest influence and I managed to let her know I was hanging out with other people and was even having people over to grill next weekend while she was out of town so I appreciated her getting a jump start on cleaning the house! She didn't have much to say but the wheels looked like they were turning.

Took the boys to my parents house and she called earlier than usual to say goodnight. She wanted to be chatty and told me to tell everyone she said hi. It was strange to not have her here. She also mentioned she was reading a Bible I had given her which surprised me. 

Who knows what any of this means, if anything. I still believe she is never coming back. I guess I'm posting because this is the longest interaction with her since she left.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Thjor said:


> Jar jar you and I are in the same situation. Keep up with taking care of you. You will have some hard days but they get less with time. My h still lives with me until he can move out next month. We are more like roommates and are being nice to each other. But last night he went out and did not come back till 8 this morning. I was upset but find not so much now. I think I am finally starting to detach from him. I did not say anything to him about it and don't plan too.


Thanks for the support. I read your thread and you appear to have handled it well. Detachment feels like a rubber band that takes time to stretch out and loose its elasticity.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I'd have taken her.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Probably should have been more clear...Trust me, I gave it the old college try but she resisted thinking it would hold me back. I said I'm responsible for myself and I say it's good. She said it wasn't a boundary she thought she should cross so I quit pushing to avoid looking needy or desperate and just agreed with her.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jarjar banks said:


> Probably should have been more clear...Trust me, I gave it the old college try but she resisted thinking it would hold me back. I said I'm responsible for myself and I say it's good. She said it wasn't a boundary she thought she should cross so I quit pushing to avoid looking needy or desperate and just agreed with her.


Better.... you ever read about the 10 second kiss?


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Yes. Would it be appropriate given our separation? I had been doing so the last five months before she left and she said she was liking it once she got used to it again. Just don't know how far to take things since she's the one that left.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jarjar banks said:


> Yes. Would it be appropriate given our separation? I had been doing so the last five months before she left and she said she was liking it once she got used to it again. Just don't know how far to take things since she's the one that left.


If you sense the mood is appropriate, delivering that message without words signifies strength - and a man who is going to take what he wants.

Get the picture?

It greatly increases the likelihood of a positive outcome.

Talk less - do more.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

So, still missing her and my family but have been accepting this is her choice. I am recognizing I cannot talk my way out of this. Logic does not apply. 
Boys still won't tell her how sad they are in fear of hurting her feelings or seeing her cry (their words). 
Went hunting with her brother (we werel best friends growing up before growing apart and are now friends again) yesterday and FIL showed up. It was uneventful relationship wise as if there wasn't the big D going on, and I was actually grateful. She had always wanted me to hunt with them and i started recently and enjoy it quite a bit. It has made me feel closer to her fam which is something she said she always wanted, but has pulled the rug on us nevertheless. I enjoy heading to the small town and staying on a farm while we hunt and drink beer (order varies). 
BIL and I avoided talking about her, but he did mention she was having a tough time and as a result he's working harder on saving his M. That's a good outcome from our demise. 
It was strange knowing this isn't to be my family, but enjoyed our time in the woods with guns!
She called to see if if I made it home safely and if I got anything well before our now established children goodnight call, but I'm sure it is nothing. 
If she isn't calling to say "I want to work things out" then it is just noise.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Stbxw called me a few times over the weekend so the boys could say goodnight but I didn't answer. I just needed a break from hearing her voice. Part of me thinks she was using this to check up on me but I could be wrong. She might just truly care less about me. The ritual is usually the one who doesn't have the kids does the calling. 

My youngest hurt himself and she said she was trying to tell me this. I suggested she text or leave a vmail in the future if its an emergency so if I'm tied up or busy I can pull away. She said that if she was calling then of course it was about the boys and that she hasn't been calling just to chit chat, which is mostly true. 

She was pissed. She also said the boys cried to her saying they want us to be a family and accused me of manipulating them into doing so. I don't see it that way at all. If they tell me they are sad I say it's okay to be sad, this makes daddy sad too, but we will be happier over time. 

I have told them its important to talk this out rather than keep it bottled up (my IC said to do so). I have asked them if they talk to mommy about this and they say no, they don't want to see her cry. She says they don't act sad around her and that she isn't sad. Told me to quit moping around, and I let her know I'm doing just fine and embracing all the good in my life and haven't been moping at all. I said I'm just trying to do my best to help them through this. I think she is feeling some guilt but would never admit it. 

She said I was being an immature idiot by not taking her calls. I told her I'm not okay with the name calling. The conversation went in a circle with her for a few more minutes before ending. 

Upon reflection if it truly was the boys wanting to say goodnight, then I should've been available. I don't want to play any games but I am growing angry with her. I just want this to be over and avoid her, but its tough with the kids.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

She called back wanting to discuss it more for some reason. She said I was somewhere or with someone I didn't want her to know about and that she didn't care, then said the same thing a few more times.

She said I was making this about her rather than the boys and trying to make a point to her. I asked what point she thought I was trying to make and she avoided a direct answer. 

It's probably nothing, I'm sure she really is done.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Feeling low today but have been doing much better overall. Stbxw let me know I should see a settlement offer this week to review. She has put an offer on a house, too. 

Her phone is in my name still because of my discount through work and I received an alert the text usage was about to exceed the plan. I checked online to discover she was blowing up her usage in the last two days with some single guy 5 years younger she just met at a wedding. I knew it was bound to happen, just messes with my head. 

I let her know she needs to put the phone in her name because I'm not okay with paying for her to start a new sex life. 

It just amazes me how she so quickly responds to anyone that pays her any attention. Letting her go is tough.


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## jarjar banks (Dec 7, 2011)

Took a step back this weekend. We had a family campout schedule a few months back with about 15 other families. She still wanted to go for some reason. 

We went and everyone had a blast. Stbxw and I got along really well. It felt like the way things used to be. Everyone was shocked that we are getting a divorce since we get along so well. 

We fell asleep next to each and woke up cuddling. I really miss her touch. 

We came home and unloaded her car with the gear. She then decided to mow my lawn which is very weird. 

So it's probably nothing and just giving me false hope just to end up being hurt again. She's still talking to the POSOM via text all day and they never talk on the phone. She said he texts her things like how's your day and shared details of his day - something she says she wants in a relationship. Sounds strange to me that they wouldnt talk on the phone. I think he's just there for some sex. Time will tell. 

I'm just unsure on how to proceed. I do think she is confused.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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