# found recording device



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Looking for advice. I am in IHS, divorced filed 4 months ago. I have my initial meeting with court appointed law guardian Monday for the kids and me. I am in a spare bedroom and have been for months. However, all my clothes and bathroom/shower I use is in the master BR that stbx uses and my daughter sleeps with her every night. I am in the room often, for my own use or to interact with the kids if they are in there watching TV. 

Today, I hear her close the door and get into the shower. The door was not locked. I waited for her to go in the shower cause I didn't want to see her. I needed clothes. I go in and see a pen on the bed so I pick it up to move it. However, this ain't no ordinary pen. It's heavy with a small red light. I open it up and it's a recording device and it was on. I took the "pen" and emailed my attorney. She knows the pen is gone but hasn't confronted me yet. Thoughts, other than she is really, really stupid?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Why is she stupid? Because you caught her or because you think she's trying to cause trouble?

She's recording you because she doesn't trust you and wants proof to use against you.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Cooper said:


> Why is she stupid? Because you caught her or because you think she's trying to cause trouble?
> 
> She's recording you because she doesn't trust you and wants proof to use against you.


Stupid for leaving it out so I can find it. I’m sure this is one of many in the house and maybe in my car.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I don’t feel like I should be recorded in my own house going through a divorce. Also, who knows how many others are in the house, catching conversations between me and my kids? I don’t think this helps her at all and I will give it to my attorney as evidence. Maybe it’s just a non issue. Who knows.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> I don’t feel like I should be recorded in my own house going through a divorce. Also, who knows how many others are in the house, catching conversations between me and my kids? I don’t think this helps her at all and I will give it to my attorney as evidence. Maybe it’s just a non issue. Who knows.


Depending on what state you live in, it could be a crime that she is recording you without your knowledge.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> I don’t feel like I should be recorded in my own house going through a divorce. Also, who knows how many others are in the house, catching conversations between me and my kids? I don’t think this helps her at all and I will give it to my attorney as evidence. Maybe it’s just a non issue. Who knows.


You're in NY? It's illegal for her to record conversations between you and your kids without your consent. She can record conversations between you and her, because she consents, but not you and the kids since she isn't part of the conversation and I don't believe kids can consent to that. So if she has she either can't use that information or she will get in a lot of **** for doing it, and it would still be inadmissible.

It would also be illegal for her to have a VAR in your car, since she isn't part of those conversations.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

What she’s doing is not illegal in NY, as long as it’s only conversations between her and you that she’s recording there’s not much your lawyer can do. NY is a “one party consent” state.
Download an emf detector app on your phone, if she’s using old phones as recording devices then it will help you find them. There are other apps with varying reviews for finding cameras and other recording devices. Check everywhere especially smoke detectors and ornaments or even stuffed animals. 
As for your car, remember that these devices have to get power from somewhere or else they stop working. If you keep your car locked at all times then she won’t be able to retrieve any information anyway and eventually the batteries will run down. Most of them are voice activated so they preserve the battery until someone speaks but if you keep the radio running the recording devices can’t discriminate between your voice and the radio and will run down quickly.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I’d have to figure out how to download the device to see what was recorded. That may take some time because all I have is the device. It may very well turn out that she just clicked it on every time I came into the room or started to talk to her. Our conversations end now.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> I’d have to figure out how to download the device to see what was recorded. That may take some time because all I have is the device. It may very well turn out that she just clicked it on every time I came into the room or started to talk to her. Our conversations end now.


As my lawyer friend advised me when I was going through divorce.... Do not engage, Do not get angry. Anything you say or do will be used against you.

I'm so glad she decided to move out through that process. I made her think she would be responsible for the house if I moved out. She did NOT want that.

I only had to watch my temper while on the phone.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Wow, do I ever have a different take on this one!!!

I can't imagine a better situation than discovering I was being recorded. I would NOT let her know that I knew. Think of the way you could set her up. Mess with her mind. Too late for that now, I guess. Unless, if she hasn't been told yet, it could be put someplace where she'd think she had misplaced it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Even one's enemies have this need to protect themselves.

Have you given her reason to do this recording? Not in your mind, but in hers?

She likely is seeking to record angry outbursts, to keep the children away from you.

Stay calm whilst in the midst of a cyclone.

Let not her bait your bared teeth, to bite back at her with shouts.

Her hateful face and gestures, while not sound record-able, are visible to one's temper.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> Even one's enemies have this need to protect themselves.
> 
> Have you given her reason to do this recording? Not in your mind, but in hers?
> 
> ...


She has baited me into arguments in the past. I have raised my voice, not always her. Now I know why. When she is recording, she stays calm. I have the device now and everyone involved in the case will know what she was doing. What that means in the end, probably nothing.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> Wow, do I ever have a different take on this one!!!
> 
> I can't imagine a better situation than discovering I was being recorded. I would NOT let her know that I knew. Think of the way you could set her up. Mess with her mind. Too late for that now, I guess. Unless, if she hasn't been told yet, it could be put someplace where she'd think she had misplaced it.


She may just buy a new one. Who knows. I’m sure she records me on her phone also. This discovery has made me realize this **** is for real and I need to keep calm at all times and watch what I say in the house. 

If she recorded conversations that she wasn’t a part of, that’s a different story and I’d be worried if I was her.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Frankly most of us have given this advice here on the board. Assuming you didn't go crazy you shouldn't worry about it. Now if you have been verbally abusing her, again we would have given her advice to do this if she came on here.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Frankly most of us have given this advice here on the board. Assuming you didn't go crazy you shouldn't worry about it. Now if you have been verbally abusing her, again we would have given her advice to do this if she came on here.


I be seen advice that if you are with a WS, a var is a good way to catch them or find out if ‘no contact’ has been broken and the A continues. I have not seen advice on using a var when you are actively going through a divorce.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I am sorry, so it is your wife's recording device and she appears to use it to see what is going on in her bedroom?
I suppose look into it. 
Unless there are more incriminating details it sounds like she is just trying to keep an eye on things...make sure you don't come in and do anything, take anything.
It was just being used in her room.....her domain?
No evidence she is trying to film you in your room?
Since you are the enemy now, it doesn't sound too shocking to have her recording in her own room where her private and personal things are, perhaps cash, records, valuables. 
I do not think I've heard anything too out there to get upset yet. 
Yeah, just see what your lawyer says.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> I be seen advice that if you are with a WS, a var is a good way to catch them or find out if ‘no contact’ has been broken and the A continues. I have not seen advice on using a var when you are actively going through a divorce.


Well if say your ex or soon to be ex is say verbally abusive or manipulative that would be at least my advice. Now assuming you are just having the normal fights that people do when they break up I don't think it will matter at all. I would just look to get away from her as soon as possible.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Very likely it records video. Motion activated. Maybe audio too. I used one 5-10 years ago to gather evidence of theft. (Worked really well.)

Search for “pen cam” or “pencam”. Iirc, there was a mini-usb port, once connected to a computer, could easily download the files captured.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

There may be other devices, but they might not be pencams. When I bought mine, I wasn’t sure what device would work adequately. So, I bought two or three different kinds.

Might be worth perusing website of an online retailer of such devices, so you have some idea the variety that’s available.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Don’t know what to tell you about the recording device but you need to get ALL of your stuff out of her room. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I spoke to my attorney today. It will only be useful if she recorded conversations that she wasn’t a party to. I found the same device on amazon and ordered it so I can download what’s on her device. It was worth the $43 and I’ll be returning the one I bought anyway. I guess if you are even interested, stay tuned. I’m having mine shipped to a family member so she can’t intercept it. She’s been nice to me all day so it could be interesting what’s on it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RebuildingMe said:


> I’d have to figure out how to download the device to see what was recorded. That may take some time because all I have is the device. It may very well turn out that she just clicked it on every time I came into the room or started to talk to her. Our conversations end now.


Does it need a cable for download? Look online for a user manual. If you need a cable you can order one off amazon.

Get a recorder yourself. Let her see you using it recording her. 

Have you checked the laws in your state for recording conversations? Is it a 2 party state or a 1 party state?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Does it need a cable for download? Look online for a user manual. If you need a cable you can order one off amazon.
> 
> Get a recorder yourself. Let her see you using it recording her.
> 
> Have you checked the laws in your state for recording conversations? Is it a 2 party state or a 1 party state?


I’ve ordered the same one to download hers. It’s a one party state, so as long as she is a party to the conversation, it’s admissible


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RebuildingMe said:


> I’ve ordered the same one to download hers. It’s a one party state, so as long as she is a party to the conversation, it’s admissible


Good. 

Once you download the data and find out what she's recording, are you going to tell her that you have he device?

Again, if it were me, I'd be recording her openly after downloading her recorder. Let her deal with that. Shoot, I'd tie it to a string and wear it openly. 

A person should always be willing to live with the crap they put on other people.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Good. That is one ploy that will be abandoned now that you are on to her. Please feel free to leave the pen somewhere around the house. Good story one client found the minicam, and moved it. It broadcast a bluetooth signal to her laptop. It was the size of a cigarette, and he put it in her bathroom, just at the front of the toilet seat. Not enough to be seen, but enough to see. So, apparently, she thought she had captured an argument, the recording was on a usb drive, which she really should have reviewed first and began playing it for her lawyer. It was a series of recordings, most peeing some bowel movements, all starring her private parts. So, my client gets a call, telling him all about how embarrassed she was. He says back to her, you should be used to strange men looking at your hoochie by now.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Good.
> 
> Once you download the data and find out what she's recording, are you going to tell her that you have he device?
> 
> ...


Wearing it openly might also encourage her to believe that's how you've chosen to go, recording openly, which could lead her to expect you wouldn't also be secretly recording anything. Thus perhaps letting her guard down and acting more candidly while being recorded.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I keep one on me at all times, but not openly. I do it just in case of a false dv charge. She’s obviously desperate to get something on me, so’s anything’s possible with her.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'd go to the police with it. The more you touch it / interact with it, the easier it will be for her to claim that you made it up. (unless she was dumb enough to buy it on amazon).


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, you haven't legally done a damned thing wrong!

She was recording you and you happened to have caught her! Good job in my book!*


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

uhtred said:


> I'd go to the police with it. The more you touch it / interact with it, the easier it will be for her to claim that you made it up. (unless she was dumb enough to buy it on amazon).


She was dumb enough to buy it on amazon!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Update: I downloaded the device and there were about 25 recordings on it. She was a part of all the recordings, so at least she didn't leave it in another room and walk away and listen in on my conversation with my kids, attorney, etc. Nothing I could use. She has already replaced her pen with another one and this one she keeps on her at all times and will take it out and click it in my face. Things have been hostile. She's interfering with me working from home, blasting her country music on her phone when I'm on a conference call, shutting off the router, turning on the radios and TVs when I'm on a work call. We've come nose to nose a couple of times, but I walked away. I bought a body cam and have it on me at all times. Its not hidden and I am using it to protect myself and so far it has worked like bug spray. My attorney is aware of everything that's going on. He offered a "nesting" plan to her attorney yesterday in light of the lockdown. He has not heard back but I know she will not leave this house even for a night, so it will be a hard no. But in making the offer, we show that we are being flexible and reasonable. She can decline.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow she’s a nut job. What happened that made her so damn hostile recently? Can you get out of there soon? 




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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

About two weeks ago, the kids and I had our first appointment with the law guardian. She questioned the kids that night on what they spoke to their attorney about (inappropriate) and the kids both said their attorney asked them who they wanted to live with. She asked them how they answered and they both said mommy AND daddy. That’s has thrown her into frenzy. She now fears she may lose 50%. Her back is against the wall and she’s trying to bait me into doing something stupid. I’ve been two steps ahead of her this entire divorce.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I would get video of her interfering with your working from home, and you politely asking her to not do that. If you can swing it without getting caught, capture her messing with the router too. There may be a way to configure her pencam to capture video only, no audio, keeping you safer legally. You could also print a copy of your router logs showing when it was reset/powered-off.

Interfering with you earning a living is reprehensible in normal times, but these are not normal times. If she keeps harassing you as you try to make a living, she needs to be made to leave.


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