# Crazy Destination Wedding Cost



## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

delete


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Good Day Everyone,
> 
> I am seeking advice about a situation I have. My brother-in- law is planning a destination wedding in Italy and the cost for my family will be in excess of $12,000. Also, he and the bride are already married! They were married in a civil ceremony a few months ago. So essentially this is a fantasy wedding celebration. I feel that this is an absolute waste of money but as an outsider to the family ( I don't have much of a relationship with the my husband's family) I am basically told to be be quiet and just pay it. The resentment is on overload because the money could be better spent elsewhere. Not to mention my brother in law does not seem to be the type to have a long lasting marriage.
> 
> Would you pay such an amount to attend what is essentially a fancy look- at- me wedding party to two divas?


Who is telling you to be quiet and just pay for it,is it your husband?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Good Day Everyone,
> 
> I am seeking advice about a situation I have. My brother-in- law is planning a destination wedding in Italy and the cost for my family will be in excess of $12,000. Also, he and the bride are already married! They were married in a civil ceremony a few months ago. So essentially this is a fantasy wedding celebration. I feel that this is an absolute waste of money but as an outsider to the family ( I don't have much of a relationship with the my husband's family) I am basically told to be be quiet and just pay it. The resentment is on overload because the money could be better spent elsewhere. Not to mention my brother in law does not seem to be the type to have a long lasting marriage.
> 
> Would you pay such an amount to attend what is essentially a fancy look- at- me wedding party to two divas?


I wouldn't go.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

My BIL married his 2nd wife in a small civil ceremony here in the U.S. and then planned a destination wedding in Ireland for the religious ceremony. My DH, our kids, and I did not attend. When asked why we did not plan on attending we simply told BIL the truth. We didn't want to spend ridiculous money to go to a wedding that already happened.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Who is telling you to be quiet and just pay for it,is it your husband?


Yes, because it is his brother and how can he say no. Sorry this was for the previous poster


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Yes, because it is his brother and how can he say no


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Yes, because it is his brother and how can he say no. Sorry this was for the previous poster


Umm, by saying no. As in "I'm sorry, brother, but we simply cannot spend over $10,000 to witness your 2nd wedding to the same person."


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

That's super tacky on their part. We got married for real in east bumble **** Cornwall (yes Londoners, I know that's redundant). We paid our *guests'* airfare and hotels, basically their only expense was upgrading to top shelf booze.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

He won't say that. Basically I know the answer, I have to foot the bill for this idiocy...


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

A little more info is in order here. Does your husband come from wealth? Is $12,000 lest than 10% of your cash savings?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Honestly, IMO, if you are going to have a destination wedding you should:

1) look to pick up a good portion of the bill for anyone who wants to attend
2) Be completely understanding of anyone who does not want to attend due to the cost


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

'."


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Husband family is middle class. the couple in question can not afford this lavish display and likely relying heavily on mommy and daddy to pay. which is another contentiousness issue for me because no one will speak up to the absurdity of this. My family unit does have the money to attend but I view it as a waste, especially since we wanted to buy a cabin as a getaway which will provide much more enjoyment and act as an investment in the long run.


Having the money to attend and having enough money so it's a blip are two different things, that's why I asked if it was less than 10% of your cash reserves. Basically I'm saying if you have $150,000 in cash in the bank, plus other investments, then go. But less than that in cash in the bank, hell no. I can't see spending a significant percentage of your wealth on a trip someone else picked and you don't want to go on.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

so now the situation is hubby won't say no, agrees it is ridiculous though and now we are arguing about what a waste this is.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

What nonsense. Tell your husband to pull his head out of his ass. How irresponsible can someone be?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@hazydaisy6 How about this idea? Send your apologies, but offer them a weekend getaway at your cabin when you have it?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Tell your husband if he wants to go then he can pay his own way but you and the kids are staying at home. Is he always so keen to spend your money, maybe it runs in the family.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I might add that I find such a display of self-importance to be highly distasteful.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

I agree 110%


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Tell your husband if he wants to go then he can pay his own way but you and the kids are staying at home. Is he always so keen to spend your money, maybe it runs in the family.


Are you seeing something that would indicate funds are not co-mingled? And that OP is the bread winner?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hazydaisy6 said:


> He won't say that. Basically I know the answer, I have to foot the bill for this idiocy...





hazydaisy6 said:


> Husband family is middle class. the couple in question can not afford this lavish display and likely relying heavily on mommy and daddy to pay. which is another contentiousness issue for me because no one will speak up to the absurdity of this. My family unit does have the money to attend but I view it as a waste, especially since we wanted to buy a cabin as a getaway which will provide much more enjoyment and act as an investment in the long run.



No, you don't have to foot the bill for this idiocy. The money is yours, too, and you have every right to object to wasteful spending. Offer a compromise of him going alone to cut costs or he takes on an additional job to cover the costs of the family going, but don't allow him to touch the cabin savings if you aren't in full agreement.

My friend D wanted to get married in a lavish wedding he couldn't afford. His grandmother decided to loot her savings to pay for a $26,000 wedding. D and his bride were divorced within 16 months.

My friend M married in a nice ceremony paid for by his parents, who could barely afford the cost and were close to retirement. A year later, M was divorced from his first bride and marrying his 2nd bride in the same church.

The lesson I learned watching those people is never, ever, ever, waste money on someone else's wedding.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Nucking Futs said:


> Are you seeing something that would indicate funds are not co-mingled? And that OP is the bread winner?


We do not share accounts, and are both independent financially but I have more savings.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

I agree, I have a friend who spent money she didn't have flying around to stand up for two different friends two different weddings, lots of $$$ and neither marriage lasted a year


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

hazydaisy6 said:


> We do not share accounts, and are both independent financially but I have more savings.


Let him do what he wants then, you don't need to pay for it. And if he's so insistent that you and the kids have to go, let him pay for the whole thing out of his funds. Assuming you can find all the passports. :wink2:


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

hazydaisy6 said:


> We do not share accounts, and are both independent financially but I have more savings.


Well dont go to the wedding then. Have husband spend HIS money. That way you can go to YOUR cabin that YOU buy.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

I don't want to go. I dont get on with his family and his mother is a nightmare to deal with, everything has to be her way but I don't want the kids gone without me. I just don't know why he wont tell them they are being crazy and wasteful. We got married ourselves for less than 1000 rings and all because we value being thrifty


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> @hazydaisy6 How about this idea? Send your apologies, but offer them a weekend getaway at your cabin when you have it?


Too expensive for them to come lol


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

hazydaisy6 said:


> I don't want to go. I dont get on with his family and his mother is a nightmare to deal with, everything has to be her way but I don't want the kids gone without me. *I just don't know why he wont tell them they are being crazy and wasteful.* We got married ourselves for less than 1000 rings and all because we value being thrifty


There's no need for that. Tell them you simply can't afford the trip and wish them well, buy them a nice gift > and be done with it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Good Day Everyone,
> 
> I am seeking advice about a situation I have. My brother-in- law is planning a destination wedding in Italy and the cost for my family will be in excess of $12,000. Also, he and the bride are already married! They were married in a civil ceremony a few months ago. So essentially this is a fantasy wedding celebration. I feel that this is an absolute waste of money but as an outsider to the family ( I don't have much of a relationship with the my husband's family) I am basically told to be be quiet and just pay it. The resentment is on overload because the money could be better spent elsewhere. Not to mention my brother in law does not seem to be the type to have a long lasting marriage.
> 
> Would you pay such an amount to attend what is essentially a fancy look- at- me wedding party to two divas?


If they want the fantasy they ought to pay for it too! That would be my stance. I couldn't afford a fantasy and would not pay for someone elses, that is selfish of them.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You already resent them as "divas," so why is this an issue? Just don't pay/go.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Because hubby already accepted to be best man and as I stated before I would gladly have him go alone but he insists on having the kids go and I dont want them travelling overseas without me, especially with all the nonsense going on in the world now. I dont care about him going, he can go wherever he like.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

The kids going or not should be a joint decision. He can insist all he wants but the two of you have to sit down together and discuss it.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

hazydaisy6 said:


> I don't want to go. I dont get on with his family and his mother is a nightmare to deal with, everything has to be her way but I don't want the kids gone without me. I just don't know why he wont tell them they are being crazy and wasteful. We got married ourselves for less than 1000 rings and all because we value being thrifty


The money been spent on weddings these days is ridiculous and throw in a trip to Italy on top of everything else is a joke. Tell your hubby to go on his own or else pay for all of you to go.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> The kids going or not should be a joint decision. He can insist all he wants but the two of you have to sit down together and discuss it.


I agree. Just because your husband insists doesn't make it law.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

its not even a wedding. its a party , they are already married. its so ridiculous!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> No, you don't have to foot the bill for this idiocy. The money is yours, too, and you have every right to object to wasteful spending. Offer a compromise of him going alone to cut costs or he takes on an additional job to cover the costs of the family going, but don't allow him to touch the cabin savings if you aren't in full agreement.
> 
> My friend D wanted to get married in a lavish wedding he couldn't afford. His grandmother decided to loot her savings to pay for a $26,000 wedding. D and his bride were divorced within 16 months.
> 
> ...


Don't forget your friend A who spent a fortune on a wedding that he cancelled.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

He can't touch the cabin money as it is my accounts.


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## kettle (Oct 28, 2016)

Would not go myself.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

If I approached my husband and said that I wanted to lavishly renew our wedding vows he would laugh his head off and say what a waste of money. I dont even have an engagement ring because we both view all of these things as a waste. He views his brother's second wedding party as a waste as well but essentially isn't man enough to be honest with his brother and if I say anything I am the in law that no one likes just shi#tting over the whole thing if you catch my drift.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Did he accept being his brother's best man without your knowledge? Seems to me that he should have talked to you about the asinine expenditure before he accepted. I get that it is an honor to be asked to be in a wedding party, especially a family member's, but That's a hefty price tag. 

If he is complaining that he already accepted and he has to go, by all means, have him go on his own dime. And both of you need to come to an agreement about the kids either going or staying.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

hazydaisy6 said:


> He won't say that. Basically I know the answer, I have to foot the bill for this idiocy...


YOU or your H is paying.If it from family funds then NO if it is from your own funds then HELL NO! Nip that ****e in the bud now!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Look, he can "unaccept" being the best man quite easily. "Sorry bro, but it's just not in the family budget right now." 

No way would I waste this kind of money unless it was someplace I really wanted to go anyway and I could somehow turn it into a family vacation.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

hazydaisy6 said:


> its not even a wedding. its a party , they are already married. its so ridiculous!


If it is not a wedding then how can your H be a 'best man' that is ridiculous.
Some people (his brother and wife) have a sense of entitlement.
My sis in law same thing, we and my husband's brother and mother had to share and cover the costs of their engagement and wedding. I was pissed because we had no engagement and only a simple wedding.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

He did accept without mentioning because he can't say no. His brother and the bride also wanted people to stay for 4 weeks !! LOL out of touch with reality much....


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

I hear yah


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The solution is simple, so why not stop making a big deal of it and building resentment? Simply tell him you're happy for him to go, but he'll have to pay for it from his savings. Calmly tell him that you are not going, nor are you paying for him or the children to go. It's very likely that he won't want to pay for them, nor will he want to supervise them if he's the "best man" at this non-wedding, so they'll almost certainly be staying home.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

How old are both of you and how long have you been married.How old are your children.
Is this a case of mama calls the shots and everyone else falls into line.You need to let your husband know you are not pissing away thousands of dollars on a fools errand to Italy when you have bigger priorities than his egotistical family to consider.I really love the fact that he tells YOU to keep quiet and just pay for it,at that point I would have told him to **** off to Italy with his family and I would have taken the kids to Disney.I think he sees himself as a co-star in this production so if you do go be prepared to be a babysitter for your own and probably other inlaws children.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

I know I will be a minder of others peoples kids, you are very right in that. This will not be an enjoyable vacation for me. Hubby has gone on vacation with is siblings alone because I dont enjoy his family. I am assuming you mean his mother calls the shots and yes it is that way. They all appease her because it is apparently easier to do that then listen to her running her mouth off; One reason why I am not popular among his family is because I have had stood up to her and that is a no no.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> I know I will be a minder of others peoples kids, you are very right in that. This will not be an enjoyable vacation for me. Hubby has gone on vacation with is siblings alone because I dont enjoy his family. I am assuming you mean his mother calls the shots and yes it is that way. They all appease her because it is apparently easier to do that then listen to her running her mouth off; One reason why I am not popular among his family is because I have had stood up to her and that is a no no.


This is a common problem with some families( including my girlfriends.)The mil sees herself as the matriarch and everybody else needs to know their place.Italians are a great group of people with a strong family ethic but if you have a mother from hell ruling the roost then woe betide any upstart in law who tries to rock the boat.Divide and rule is the motto and you will find yourself ostracised very quickly if you go to this wedding and don't play the dutiful daughter in law.I would make it clear to your husband that you are not going and unless he can convince you that there will be somebody there to look after your kids (And have him contact this person and confirm they are prepared to babysit) then they are not going either
And make it VERY clear he is paying for the trip with his savings.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> This is a common problem with some families( including my girlfriends.)The mil sees herself as the matriarch and everybody else needs to know their place.Italians are a great group of people with a strong family ethic but if you have a mother from hell ruling the roost then woe betide any upstart in law who tries to rock the boat.Divide and rule is the motto and you will find yourself ostracised very quickly if you go to this wedding and don't play the dutiful daughter in law.I would make it clear to your husband that you are not going and unless he can convince you that there will be somebody there to look after your kids (And have him contact this person and confirm they are prepared to babysit) then they are not going either
> And make it VERY clear he is paying for the trip with his savings.


we are not Italian. No one is Italian. The bride chose this location because she wants to be married (again) by a volcano.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

What would happen if you put your foot down and said no, me and the kids are not going? 

Such a ridiculous cost. 

I didn't go to my own brother's destination wedding. If I'm going to pay to take a trip it's gonna be one I choose.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> we are not Italian. No one is Italian. The bride chose this location because she wants to be married (again) by a volcano.


Well wtf is wrong with Mt St Helens?
Are you in the US.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

andy1001 said:


> well wtf is wrong with mt st helens?
> Are you in the us.


canada


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I have heard some who do destination weddings use the excuse that to justify the expense, make a vacation out of it so you really aren't paying "anything" you wouldn't be spending anyhow. Nothing like having someone else try to dictate where and when you should take a vacation ...


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

EllisRedding said:


> I have heard some who do destination weddings use the excuse that to justify the expense, make a vacation out of it so you really aren't paying "anything" you wouldn't be spending anyhow. Nothing like having someone else try to dictate where and when you should take a vacation ...


I feel you are right because they expect everyone to pay for this massive villa for everyone to stay in.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Sounds like they are trying to split costs on their honeymoon by making it a second wedding and having everyone chip in.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Winner winner chicken dinner


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> canada


Is it Vesuvius or Etna she wants to get married beside.Vesuvius hasn't erupted in over seventy years,though while Etna is constantly spitting out lava it is in Sicily which is even more expensive.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

etna, you are correct


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I would never ask anyone to inconvenience their life or incur the cost of a attending a destination wedding, seems ridicules to me. I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel bad about not going, doesn't matter if my brother asked or my best friend, same answer to either. No.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hazydaisy6 said:


> we are not Italian. No one is Italian. The bride chose this location because she wants to be married (again) by a volcano.


I'd seriously tell EVERYONE that I do not want to go to BIL's 2nd wedding to the same person, aren't allowing my children to leave the country without me, and if I am "forced" to attend by ANYONE using my children as pawns, I will do my level best to utterly RUIN the wedding. And I'd mean it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Well wtf is wrong with Mt St Helens?
> Are you in the US.


It's uphill all the way


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think its that simple. I have a lot more than that, but I'd still make a polite excuse. I think there is nothing wrong with declining a wedding invitation with something to the effect of "Thank you for inviting us. It sounds wonderful and I wish we could go, but its just not practical for us". No one needs to know your financial situation.



Nucking Futs said:


> Having the money to attend and having enough money so it's a blip are two different things, that's why I asked if it was less than 10% of your cash reserves. Basically I'm saying if you have $150,000 in cash in the bank, plus other investments, then go. But less than that in cash in the bank, hell no. I can't see spending a significant percentage of your wealth on a trip someone else picked and you don't want to go on.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Thank you for everyone for your input. I don't feel like the bad guy now for thinking this is a waste of resources. Appreciated. Not going. You can only spend it once and this is just not practical . Thank you


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> I'd seriously tell EVERYONE that I do not want to go to BIL's 2nd wedding to the same person, aren't allowing my children to leave the country without me, and if I am "forced" to attend by ANYONE using my children as pawns, I will do my level best to utterly RUIN the wedding. And I'd mean it.


we need to be friends.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I honestly hate when people have destination weddings. I mean, I get it - it's quite nice, blah blah blah, but...

Like most people, we can only afford one vacation a year (if that, some years). Many people can't afford one at all.

The only time it's ever worked for me was when my oldest friend got married in Athens many years ago (right before the country went to hell). He and his wife were living in Europe, and she had a lot of Greek relatives, so Athens was chosen as the destination. No problem.

My wife and I essentially planned our own vacation around their wedding, so it worked. We wanted to see Athens, so we did. We planned our own itinerary around the wedding and associated events, and we had a great time - both with the wedding and with our own adventures.

So IMO, they can work, but the couple having the wedding does need to understand that many people will not attend, or can't attend and are under no obligation TO attend. Even better if you're not part of the wedding party and have to spend all your time helping out, organizing things, etc. If you're simply guests, then at least you're able to enjoy yourselves around the wedding itself.

My friend, the groom, purposefully did not have groomsmen for his wedding for this reason - the guys he'd want as such, myself included, would be coming long distances and spending quite a bit of $$ for it, therefore he did not want anybody to feel any sort of obligation - not just to attend in the first place, but to "work" while we were there. There was no bridal party, either, for the same reasons.

Outside of the wedding ceremony and the (amazing) reception, people were free to do what they wanted to do and see the sights. We flew in 4 days before, and stayed another 3 afterwards. Outside of meeting up with them on day one to catch up, we saw them on the wedding day, and once after. Some day trips were loosely organized for anybody wanting to see the sights and a bus rented (on their own dime), but other than that, it was an actual vacation for us. That's how you do it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Thank you for everyone for your input. I don't feel like the bad guy now for thinking this is a waste of resources. Appreciated. Not going. You can only spend it once and this is just not practical . Thank you


Drat! I had a plan. I figured you could turn all the kids you'd be stuck watching into a commando force of wedding ruining minions.



hazydaisy6 said:


> we need to be friends.


I swear I really am a nice person. I only employ the big guns when I know I'm dealing with true foolishness. >


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> hazydaisy6 said:
> 
> 
> > Thank you for everyone for your input. I don't feel like the bad guy now for thinking this is a waste of resources. Appreciated. Not going. You can only spend it once and this is just not practical . Thank you
> ...


Yeah......


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> Yeah......


I see it this way.. If I were stuck spending my cabin money on a trip like this, I'd want to get my money's worth in entertainment. Besides, the kid minions would have some great stories to tell. I'm pretty sure mischief is how cousins bond.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

hazydaisy6 said:


> I don't want to go. I dont get on with his family and his mother is a nightmare to deal with, everything has to be her way but I don't want the kids gone without me. I just don't know why he wont tell them they are being crazy and wasteful. We got married ourselves for less than 1000 rings and all because we value being thrifty


Don't waste your time by being a part of a production farce which is also a rerun. Tell your husband to go by himself and have him pay for the trip himself. $12,000 is a lot of money for me, a working woman!


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> I see it this way.. If I were stuck spending my cabin money on a trip like this, I'd want to get my money's worth in entertainment. Besides, the kid minions would have some great stories to tell. I'm pretty sure mischief is how cousins bond.


they can bond here on the cheap lol


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hazydaisy6 said:


> they can bond here on the cheap lol


Just wait until you buy the cabin and have all the kids there for a week. It's truly astounding how much mischief kids can get into out in the middle of nowhere.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> Just wait until you buy the cabin and have all the kids there for a week. It's truly astounding how much mischief kids can get into out in the middle of nowhere.


which is perfectly fine, but as I said to my husband, i couldn't have a fantasy wedding because we both agreed it was a waste so I will be damned if I am paying for someone else's. Drinking wine in the cabin will be more fun anyways.


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

Honestly it would be cheaper for me to get a divorce than pay to go to this "wedding"


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Honestly it would be cheaper for me to get a divorce than pay to go to this "wedding"


Or go the whole passive aggressive route, and announce to everyone that you and your husband are going to be getting married again at Mt Etna, and it just so happens that it will be on the same day as the brother in law, and maybe ask if they want to make it a double renewal...


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I thought that most of the time, people do destination weddings because they're hoping to deter many people from wanting to attend.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Have you told H your decision yet?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Honestly it would be cheaper for me to get a divorce than pay to go to this "wedding"


Ahhh, you can just feel the love.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hazydaisy6 said:


> which is perfectly fine, but as I said to my husband, i couldn't have a fantasy wedding because we both agreed it was a waste so I will be damned if I am paying for someone else's. Drinking wine in the cabin will be more fun anyways.


My wedding involved me, DH, two plain white gold bands, a Justice of the Peace, and two adorable little old ladies who worked for the JP and agreed to act as witnesses. No regrets! I'd rather be shot in the foot than go through "a real wedding".

My parents didn't own a cabin, but they knew plenty of people who did and we spent a lot of time "up north" with family and friends. They'd turn us loose in the woods with a list of things we were forbidden to do and trust us not to get dead. Considering the stuff we came up with it's a wonder no one drowned, fell to their death, accidentally got strangled, bled out, or caught fire. 

I suggest a wine fridge and a well stocked first aid kit.


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## lynn11374 (Nov 28, 2016)

Heck no. Let the brother pay for it if he want's you to go.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

The bigger problem here is that your husband is incapable of saying NO to his family.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> My wedding involved me, DH, two plain white gold bands, a Justice of the Peace, and two adorable little old ladies who worked for the JP and agreed to act as witnesses. No regrets! I'd rather be shot in the foot than go through "a real wedding".
> 
> My parents didn't own a cabin, but they knew plenty of people who did and we spent a lot of time "up north" with family and friends. They'd turn us loose in the woods with a list of things we were forbidden to do and trust us not to get dead. Considering the stuff we came up with it's a wonder no one drowned, fell to their death, accidentally got strangled, bled out, or caught fire.
> 
> I suggest a wine fridge and a well stocked first aid kit.


I think the cake for my wedding that didn't take place probably cost more than your entire day.Those trips to the cabin in the woods sound like great fun,as my Irish cousins would tell me when I would visit the farm during summer vacation "do it for the crack,nobody will say anything to you" when some daft idea would spring to mind and me being the visitor got special treatment.
By the way "crack" in Ireland means having a laugh not what we think it is.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Good Day Everyone,
> 
> I am seeking advice about a situation I have. My brother-in- law is planning a destination wedding in Italy and the cost for my family will be in excess of $12,000. Also, he and the bride are already married! They were married in a civil ceremony a few months ago. So essentially this is a fantasy wedding celebration. I feel that this is an absolute waste of money but as an outsider to the family ( I don't have much of a relationship with the my husband's family) I am basically told to be be quiet and just pay my half. The resentment is on overload because the money could be better spent elsewhere. Not to mention my brother in law does not seem to be the type to have a long lasting marriage.
> 
> Would you pay such an amount to attend what is essentially a fancy look- at- me wedding party to two divas?


Short answer: no, I wouldn't pay it.

The couple is already married, and if they want to go to Italy, then they should go to Italy, for their honeymoon, a fun trip, whatever. They however, have no business forcing anyone else to pay gobs of money to fund said trip. By the way, the trip isn't a destination wedding if the couple is already married. I certainly wouldn't pay my half for their dream trip, especially if I couldn't afford it, or had other plans for that money.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Good Day Everyone,
> 
> I am seeking advice about a situation I have. My brother-in- law is planning a destination wedding in Italy and the cost for my family will be in excess of $12,000. Also, he and the bride are already married! They were married in a civil ceremony a few months ago. So essentially this is a fantasy wedding celebration. I feel that this is an absolute waste of money but as an outsider to the family ( I don't have much of a relationship with the my husband's family) I am basically told to be be quiet and just pay my half. The resentment is on overload because the money could be better spent elsewhere. Not to mention my brother in law does not seem to be the type to have a long lasting marriage.
> 
> Would you pay such an amount to attend what is essentially a fancy look- at- me wedding party to two divas?


Having a wedding celebration on a different day than the actual marriage is commonplace.

However, if you're unable to afford attending, then don't attend. No need to throw any emotions at it. Purchase a modest gift from the registry and have it shipped to wherever they're asking gifts to be shipped.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't see a wedding invigoration as a royal summons. People should feel free to have a wedding wherever they want, and guests should feel free to politely decline for any reason that they wish.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> canada


Let's see... Jasper, Banff, Kananaskis, Canmore. Not volcanoes, but those places have some pretty spectacular mountains! Here's a wedding gift idea: make her a volcano! :laugh:

https://sciencebob.com/make-your-own-volcano/


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## hazydaisy6 (Aug 21, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> The bigger problem here is that your husband is incapable of saying NO to his family.


Indeed you are right.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And since he's not capable of telling them "no" where does that leave you? 

Are you willing to put up with that inability where his family's concerned for the rest of your life (cause he's probably not changing)?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

hazydaisy6 said:


> Indeed you are right.


By the way I think you are being conservative with your estimate of twelve thousand dollars for this trip.Europe is very expensive for some things that we take for granted i.e. eating out,drink prices in hotels and bars,transport etc.I've been in Europe for the last few weeks,Holland,Britain and Ireland with a one day visit to Hungary and it is very expensive especially in the tourism hotspots.If this trip is to one of the major cities in Sicily then it is going to prove costly.
There may be something else to consider here,some tour operators will give the happy couple a free trip if they get enough friends and relatives to sign up for the trip,would this be a case in point?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'd let the ass-hat brother know that you'll waste $12,000 to go see his "look at me!" wedding in Italy. 

*However*, he has to pay you back your $12,000 - with interest - when these two idiots divorce.


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