# Im hurting because hes hurting...



## Mrs.Green (Jul 8, 2010)

Im praying there is someone out there who can help me.

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now. I love him, more then anything in this whole entire world other then our 6 month old son. Hes such a great husband and father but he doesnt see that.

He has had such a hard past, and i've only found out about most of it recently. He doesnt like to talk about it or deal with any of the pain that hes feeling. His way to deal with it is to drink. He doesnt do it alot but when he does all these feelings and emotions come out. His parents got divorced at a young age. Father was never there, abusive, and an alcoholic. Mother was abusive and lost in her own world. He raised his younger brother and ended up making alot of bad decisions growing up. 

He is also in the military. Which makes things worse. He's almost never home. And when he is, hes sleeping from the crazy hours he works. Hes so stressed out all the time. Like most people, we're having financial problems. He feels inadequite as a father and husband because he can't give me everything, because he cant spend time with his son and me. He feels hes going to end up exactly like his father because of the fact that he's his son. He said that he keeps all these memories in his head so he doesnt forget how to be better. But thats not helping him and he doesnt see that. 

I just dont know what to do. I feel so helpless. I want to help him sooo bad but i dont know what to do. He wont go to therapy because hes been there before when he was younger and it did nothing for him. This is not the husband i married.

Hes so up beat and happy. He talks to everybody. Hes such a people person. He loves to have fun and be with his family. 
I've just seen this troubled side of him over the past year. I knew that he had gone through alot, i just didnt know how much and what it was. I am aware of some things im not willing to put on here, but what he is feeling is typical for someone who went through that. 

Im hurting because my husband is hurting. Please, if you have any advice at all i would appreciate it. 
Thank you.


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## azmo (Jul 8, 2010)

Maybe you should see a therapist? Sounds like he's a bit depressed.
Drinking doesn't help at all, it's just harder after waking up.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I would say the drinking needs to stop as it sounds like self medicating from emotional/mental issues caused by growing up in an invalidating environment - very unhealthy. Especially as his father was an alcoholic. Alcoholism runs in families and he is at an extremely high risk.

Next, even if counseling didn't work when he was younger, doesn't mean it doesn't work. Perhaps he was working with the wrong counselor. Sometimes it takes going through several counselors to find the one that will truly help and many will give mini sessions at a reduced cost in order for you to "feel them out".

Check out the family resources department at your base where your husband is stationed and see what programs or counseling might be available to you and your husband there. Let him know if he doesn't do something to help himself, that you will have to take measures which may include talking to his superior officer. That's a tough approach, so don't bring it up unless you fully intend to do so. 

It sounds like there is a progression starting here that will not continue in a good way unless he does get some sort of help to work through past issues. Insist that something be done, and soon.


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