# What to do?



## kathasdoubts (Apr 20, 2012)

Ok, we've been married for 1 1/2 years, we married young. I'm at the moment 22 and he's 26. The problem that I have is me.

I feel like I am changing. I have now different interests, new ideas and lifestyles I'd want to experience. He doesn't like any of it and it feels like there's starting to be a gap between us. It doesn't worry or bother him but it bothers me. I feel like there's no longer a connection between us.

I also feel so alone. I'm from Canada and my family is there. I'm now in England and I feel so lonely without them. I tried to talk to him about going to live there together but he said that it wasn't going to happen unless we won the lottery. He also says he doesn't speak French and has a good job here.

I understand somewhat but I feel so depressed and miserable. And sometimes I feel like I don't get enough attention. He plays video games instead and spends all afternoon and night speaking to his online friends. It's like he's in a bubble and I have to fight to even just tell him a thing or two.

I don't feel deserving of him at times. I'm depressive, have anxiety issues and I don't have motivation to do things I'm supposed to do. I keep thinking about my family and it's so painful. He hugs me and says he can't do anything.

Even though I love him, I'm sad most of the time. I've often fantasised to kill myself because it would pain me to leave him but at the same time, I feel trapped and unhappy. Don't worry I won't do it, it's only fantasy. But in reality, I don't know what to do.

Anyone got some experience and advice?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long did you date before you got married? How long have you been in England? 

I would say start doing the things that interest you, see if that drags him out of his cocoon. Maybe get checked for depression, or see a counselor on your own. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is what happens when you're 20-25. You change and grow.

I don't knwo what to say, other than compromise with your changes. You married him, for better or worse...THIS is marriage.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You made a lifelong commitment to him. Sorry if you picked a guy who wasn't your type. That's not his fault. 

Why did you agree to settle in England if that is not what you wanted? 

Like That Girl, I don't know what to tell you. Hope you are not planning to just up and leave him for no good reason. And your "changing"? That is a bunch of crap. The two of you are supposed to grow together. Tell him you are not happy and that the two of you need to go to counseling to work through your issues. 

If he won't work with you, then go to counseling by yourself to see how you can get him to work with you. If he doesn't do anything to meet you halfway, after begging and pleading with him to do so, then at least you have built a case for why you should end the marriage. At the very least, you gave him ample warnings. 

The wrong thing to do is say nothing, let the grudges build, and then suddenly walk away from him without any warning, breaking his heart and destroying his life. 

Don't be a walkaway wife.


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## CafeRed (Mar 26, 2012)

Hey kathasdoubts!

I'm sorry to hear of the struggles you're having in your life and your marriage. Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it does require a lot of work. Not to mention the many adjustments that have to take place during the first couple of years. But trust me when I say that the work is well worth it. I agree with bandit.45 that a counselor might be a helpful option for you. Have you considered it? 

In my time with Focus on the Family, I came across an article series on their website that might be helpful to you right now. I encourage you to read it, and I also encourage you NOT to give up hope. Hang in there and please let us know how you're doing.


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