# W…..



## Morry (9 mo ago)

Yes, The two of them had their rendhe cam with his wife. They have been on FB foschool, and I On th. Whilean hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, them. Of course, they messages, FB messages, an telltimes a wetill the dfor me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell marriage, and y
m


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

So what's your question?


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## plastow (Jan 4, 2022)

Morry said:


> Yes, that really happened about 7yrs. ago, in April 2015. The two of them had their rendezvous all work out before he cam down to SC on vacation with his wife. They have been on FB for quite a few years. According to my wife, he was just a ex boyfriend from high school, and I also knew him from HS. On their Dirty Deed Day, they both waited until I left the house to go golfing and then the Low Life Scum Bag snuck into my house to be with my wife. While his wife was waiting for him about an hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, and I knew they we also doing FB secret messenger. Yes, very sneaky with both of them. Of course, they both denied this ever happened with their Lies and Coverup stories. But, the text messages, FB messages, and FB secret messenger messages tell a different story. My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.
> 
> Morry


you should tell his wife,how would you react if in the same boat living in ignorance.the guys having great fun with other peoples wives whilst keeping a wife in ignorance.his wife doesnt deserve to be left in the dark and he doesnt deserve to be doing what he is doing and getting away with it.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

You need to tell his wife and if it "wrecks" his marriage it won't be your fault. Nope!! She deserves to know the truth.

This "haunts" you?

Where's your anger???


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Morry said:


> Yes, that really happened about 7yrs. ago, in April 2015. The two of them had their rendezvous all work out before he cam down to SC on vacation with his wife. They have been on FB for quite a few years. According to my wife, he was just a ex boyfriend from high school, and I also knew him from HS. On their Dirty Deed Day, they both waited until I left the house to go golfing and then the Low Life Scum Bag snuck into my house to be with my wife. While his wife was waiting for him about an hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, and I knew they we also doing FB secret messenger. Yes, very sneaky with both of them. Of course, they both denied this ever happened with their Lies and Coverup stories. But, the text messages, FB messages, and FB secret messenger messages tell a different story. My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.
> 
> Morry


I’m with you Morry, this would _haunt_ me too. Me doing nothing about it would haunt me even worse. In fact, I’m sure I would be done with her. The level of planning and deceit to pull this off was _massively_ disrespectful to you and your marriage. Find your self-respect, get angry about this whole thing, and boot the *****.

And tell the other spouse…she has a right to know who her scum bag husband is. She has a right to the truth, just as you do.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

This thread should serve as a warning for all the people on here who have heard the excuse “he/she is just a friend/ex from back in high school...”
😌

There is absolutely no good reason to stay in touch with exes (unless you have children together and need to coparent) once you’re married. Or they’re married.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

@Morry not telling his wife makes you as the same person who would cover your wife's affair. you are rewarding him with cheating and keep his life with no issues. 
on other hand, this is the most disrespecting cheating story I ever heard. not only she cheated but also disrespected you the way she did it. 

same old story from every husband whose their wife cheated on them. I love her and I cant leave her. 

this is why she cheated on you on the first place, because
1- you are a Beta male if not even lower. and he is Alpha male
2- she looks down on you and doesn't think of you as a man who would stand for himself ( not telling the other wife proves it)
3- she knows she will rugsweep it and you would forgive her

read what you posted again, you went to golf and he scored in your wife


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Morry said:


> My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over.


No one really "gets over" infidelity. You just learn to move forward knowing and accepting the past for what it was. You certainly won't make progress when the affair was rug swept. 



Morry said:


> I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.


But you are someone who will help another man hide his affair? That's what you are doing.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

What were her repercussions when you found out about this? You obviously stayed -- so what work did she do to earn that reconciliation?
If you rug-swept this, that is why it still (and always will) bother you.

As for HIS spouse -- yes you absolutely should have let her know what he did.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Damn! Tell his wife. How in the hell did you not bust your WW’s ass?!


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Morry said:


> I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.


He wrecked his marriage when he cheated on his wife. Their marriage is a lie, he doesn't love her and is using her and humiliating her. The right thing to do is let her know what's happening so she can get away from him before he gives her a disease.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This happened years ago, if I recall. Yes, OP should have told the OM’s wife. Not telling her shows his passivity, as does allowing this with no consequences. But, if I also recall, OP is very wealthy and divorcing her would have likely rewarded the behavior. Bringing it up now will bring nobody any pain but him.
His wife has no conscience, and anything other than divorcing her would accomplish nothing. He should, but it’s his choice and shaming him serves no purpose. We haven’t walked a mile in his shoes. 
Good luck OP.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Morry said:


> Yes, that really happened about 7yrs. ago, in April 2015. The two of them had their rendezvous all work out before he cam down to SC on vacation with his wife. They have been on FB for quite a few years. According to my wife, he was just a ex boyfriend from high school, and I also knew him from HS. On their Dirty Deed Day, they both waited until I left the house to go golfing and then the Low Life Scum Bag snuck into my house to be with my wife. While his wife was waiting for him about an hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, and I knew they we also doing FB secret messenger. Yes, very sneaky with both of them. Of course, they both denied this ever happened with their Lies and Coverup stories. But, the text messages, FB messages, and FB secret messenger messages tell a different story. My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.
> 
> Morry


So, what makes you believe this was an isolated incident? You've allowed it to happen with no apparent consequences.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Morry said:


> Yes, that really happened about 7yrs. ago, in April 2015. The two of them had their rendezvous all work out before he cam down to SC on vacation with his wife. They have been on FB for quite a few years. According to my wife, he was just a ex boyfriend from high school, and I also knew him from HS. On their Dirty Deed Day, they both waited until I left the house to go golfing and then the Low Life Scum Bag snuck into my house to be with my wife. While his wife was waiting for him about an hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, and I knew they we also doing FB secret messenger. Yes, very sneaky with both of them. Of course, they both denied this ever happened with their Lies and Coverup stories. But, the text messages, FB messages, and FB secret messenger messages tell a different story. My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.
> 
> Morry


Why does informing his wife make you a scumbag? It sounds to me like you’re making excuses to accept their unacceptable behavior. You have heartburn because you are choking on the crap sandwich your wife and her boyfriend served you. 
The only person that can make you a chump is yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Morry I'm sorry you had to find TAM, but glad you did.

So, what next? Has your wife come clean with you or is she still denying anything happened?

Is he her only cheating partner? 

Have you had individual counselling?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

wow, your wife cheats on you with her ex after 38 years of marriage and it was pre-meditated ? 

You may love her but what are you really even married to at this point ?

The sad part is that after 38 years of marriage and probably being about 60 years old yourself, she has put you in a position of constant pain going forward in your life while ensuring that any steps you can make to exact consequences (divorce etc...) will only damage your life.

I would call her out on her $hit, keep copies of the evidence for yourself, give her a copy and just walk away and tell her to leave you alone as now you have to figure out exactly who you are married to and you shouldn't be in that position after 60 years of life. Do a solid 180 and watch her fall apart. That is about the only non-destructive consequence you have at this point.

The OM's wife is probably in the same position as you but she needs to know. Give her the evidence and let her exact severe consequences on him.

Do you think this is the only time ? They have lied to avoid consequences. They need them badly.

I doubt this is her only rodeo after 45 years (or 38 at that time). 

Polygraph her as well.

But stop living in misery.

Also stop holding the 'high moral ground'. Informing his wife doesn't make you scum like him. It protects people from scum like him


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> This happened years ago, if I recall. Yes, OP should have told the OM’s wife. Not telling her shows his passivity, as does allowing this with no consequences. But, if I also recall, OP is very wealthy and divorcing her would have likely rewarded the behavior. Bringing it up now will bring nobody any pain but him.
> His wife has no conscience, and anything other than divorcing her would accomplish nothing. He should, but it’s his choice and shaming him serves no purpose. We haven’t walked a mile in his shoes.
> Good luck OP.


What he chose to do is NOT working for him.

He specifically stated that this "haunts him a couple of times per week".

He doesn't have to divorce her but if he doesn't want to be "haunted" by this anymore he needs to confront it and her. He chose to Rug sweep it again look how this has been working out for him.

First thing he should do is tell this other woman. She deserves to know!! Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news but he has a moral obligation to tell her. How would OP feel if someone knew about his wife's affair with this man and never said anything to him? 

More than likely they weren't practicing safe sex and now his wife is coming home and having sex with OP? And this OM having sex with his own wife? She deserves to know!!

So don't say anything because it will hurt his pocket book? I say to OP how much is having peace of mind? How about finally standing up for yourself and confronting your wife? 

It "haunts" you because you have SO many unanswered questions that you need answers to.

Or continue doing what you've chosen to do and no doubt be tormented EVERY week EVERY month and EVERY year until you die.

Sounds like a wonderful way to go through life.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Morry said:


> Yes, that really happened about 7yrs. ago, in April 2015. The two of them had their rendezvous all work out before he cam down to SC on vacation with his wife. They have been on FB for quite a few years. According to my wife, he was just a ex boyfriend from high school, and I also knew him from HS. On their Dirty Deed Day, they both waited until I left the house to go golfing and then the Low Life Scum Bag snuck into my house to be with my wife. While his wife was waiting for him about an hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, and I knew they we also doing FB secret messenger. Yes, very sneaky with both of them. Of course, they both denied this ever happened with their Lies and Coverup stories. But, the text messages, FB messages, and FB secret messenger messages tell a different story. My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.
> 
> Morry


We all get what we want. You wanted a cheating lying woman because you love her till the day you die, so what's the problem? you got what you deserve. Enjoy.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Morry said:


> Yes, that really happened about 7yrs. ago, in April 2015. The two of them had their rendezvous all work out before he cam down to SC on vacation with his wife. They have been on FB for quite a few years. According to my wife, he was just a ex boyfriend from high school, and I also knew him from HS. On their Dirty Deed Day, they both waited until I left the house to go golfing and then the Low Life Scum Bag snuck into my house to be with my wife. While his wife was waiting for him about an hour and a half away, north of where we lived. I saw the text messages, FB messages, and I knew they we also doing FB secret messenger. Yes, very sneaky with both of them. Of course, they both denied this ever happened with their Lies and Coverup stories. But, the text messages, FB messages, and FB secret messenger messages tell a different story. My problem, this Haunts Me at least a couple times a week. I do love my wife, and I’ll love her till the day I die, but this is hard for me to get over. We’ve been married for over 45yrs. I could tell his wife and wreck his marriage, and yes, I’ve thought about doing that. But, I’m not a low life scun bag like him.
> 
> Morry


Two things:

Has your wife continued — in spite of the text and FB messages — to deny the truth?

How do you imagine that telling his wife the truth about who her husband really is would somehow make you a “low life scum bag”? Imagine that you hadn’t seen the messages between your wayward wife and her lover and that, instead, someone else (a friend, perhaps) had told about seeing them together — would that person somehow also be a “low life scum bag”?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> This thread should serve as a warning for all the people on here who have heard the excuse “he/she is just a friend/ex from back in high school...”
> 😌
> 
> There is absolutely no good reason to stay in touch with exes (unless you have children together and need to coparent) once you’re married. Or they’re married.


“Oh… well then why not tell me about him?” 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## Imnobodynew (Feb 11, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Two things:
> 
> Has your wife continued — in spite of the text and FB messages — to deny the truth?
> 
> How do you imagine that telling his wife the truth about who her husband really is would somehow make you a “low life scum bag”? Imagine that you hadn’t seen the messages between your wayward wife and her lover and that, instead, someone else (a friend, perhaps) had told about seeing them together — would that person somehow also be a “low life scum bag”?


Gus has been invested in helping people and giving back here for years. I'd pause and ask myself these questions. 

One more question I would add. If your wife has engaged in other cheating activities, wouldn't you appreciate it if their partners would notify you ASAP? Not with the intention of blowing up your marriage but out of care for you? 

If you don't address this, it will embolden her to do it again. What happens if he shows up in say 10 years and his wife has passed and approaches your wife then? She will run away with him. If this is not resolved and a new foundation that comes with hard work is established, you will lose that much more of your precious time and energy. If it cannot be re-established then at least you are free to spend your remaining time left in life any way you want; Without this baggage hanging over your head.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Having sex with another guy is bad enough, in your own home is appalling. 
Has she appologised? Has she worked to rebuild the trust? What consequences did she face? 

Yes you must tell his poor wife. It's likely he has cheated other times as well. She deserves to know. You should have told her then, you need to tell her now. Don't tell your wife you are going to tell her, send her all their posts.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sideways said:


> What he chose to do is NOT working for him.
> 
> He specifically stated that this "haunts him a couple of times per week".
> 
> ...



I agree with you completely. Yes, I have tons of respect for Rob and Evin but I particulary agree with you on this one.

OP did rugsweep and should have confronted 7 years ago but didn't. He let both of the cheaters gaslight and now he suffers.

As a result, he is much later in life and stuck in an unbearable situation, which is the reason one should never be passive.

I have a few thoughts or even elaborations on what I said above.

1) He is stuck because a divorce at this late stage could be catastrophic to him financially and destroy much of the golden year benefits he worked very hard for. She is not worth that. Yet, he needs to let her feel the guilt as well. I am not insinuating destroying her. I am saying that 'she got away with it' and there is still time for her to face the fire.

2) His unconditional love for her put him in a bad spot. It allowed him to be manipulated and now is tortured a few times a week over it and going forward. I believe in love but I have developed myself into a person who doesn't allow it to cloud my sense of reality. I got into it when I first got on this board with a few when I said I know my wife will never cheat on me and I got laughed out of here. Guess what ? 8 years later, they are right. (no comment please from the guys who might remember)While I don't think she has and I have full transparency, so many of these stories and people I know, you just never know. And this guy has evidence and his wife is so narcissistic that she ignores the evidence and lies anyway. This OP needs to know the reality and she shouldn't be pain shopping, he should be demanding consequences. 

3) I ask the question about 'who is she' ? His wife. The woman he puts so much faith in. 38 years later, she betrays her husband with her ex ? 38 years later ? Not only cruel but why after so long ? Do we really think she was a saint this entire time where she would snap and do something so horrible after such a good long marriage ? or was this such a good long marriage ?

4) What ever happened to OM and why was he in the picture to begin with ? My wife's ex boyfriends aren't in the picture and she hardly has contact with them and they are strictly controlled by their current wives so how does this happen in OP's situation here ? Lack of boundaries ?

5) Telling the OBS is mandatory. This OP has an option on how to proceed. She needs one too. I would love it if it brought OM to his knees that his wife controlled him for the remainder. I am not one of the regulars. I believe in consequences and I believe in brutal tactics within reason. My only fear is if the OBS divorces the OM, that OM and OP's wife will hook up again. However, OP needs to lawyer up and be prepared for that. Telling the OBS (other betrayed spouse) should not be an option, it should be a responsibility. 

6) I have no idea what OP is looking for here. Yes, he may be trying to ease his pain without catastrophic decisions but we aren't counselors. However, I don't trust these counselors anymore with the horror stories I read. I went through a career of 26 years with many traumatic events including life threatening and I don't even allow my counselors to touch my marriage. My marriage is good. The problems are nothing we can't fix. I get this OP is in a different situation. However, having acounselor 'evening out the blame' in this situation would be also rugsweeping.

Again, show her the evidence, demand a polygraph (and come on here for possible questions), do a decent (maybe not full) 180 but enough to cause her to come forward, expose the OM to his wife and get the ball rolling and have an attorney as backup and get a full consultation.

Anything else IMO is weak








What is he loking for

first rodeo


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

If you tell his wife, it would wreck their marriage? So where's the negative in that?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Tested_by_stress said:


> If you tell his wife, it would wreck their marriage? So where's the negative in that?


other than OM coming for his wife but it seems like his life is screwed one way or the other. At least cause consequences, lawyer up and see where the chips fall.

If this OM is worth it to his wife, the OP is living under false pretenses anyway


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Having sex with another guy is bad enough, in your own home is appalling.
> Has she appologised? Has she worked to rebuild the trust? What consequences did she face?
> 
> Yes you must tell his poor wife. It's likely he has cheated other times as well. She deserves to know. You should have told her then, you need to tell her now. Don't tell your wife you are going to tell her, send her all their posts.


agreed Diana. It's also likely OP's wife has cheated too. 38 years in, who does this ??


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Two things:
> 
> Has your wife continued — in spite of the text and FB messages — to deny the truth?
> 
> How do you imagine that telling his wife the truth about who her husband really is would somehow make you a “low life scum bag”? Imagine that you hadn’t seen the messages between your wayward wife and her lover and that, instead, someone else (a friend, perhaps) had told about seeing them together — would that person somehow also be a “low life scum bag”?


truth


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sideways said:


> What he chose to do is NOT working for him.
> 
> He specifically stated that this "haunts him a couple of times per week".
> 
> ...


this !!


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

OP,

It's past time for you to deal with reality... or it will continue haunting you the rest of your life.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

*"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing"*


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You changed the title and the opening post. Why is that?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Openminded said:


> You changed the title and the opening post. Why is that?


Obviously, he's afraid.


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## olk (Aug 17, 2021)

I'm sorry, OP. You are deceived, betrayed, insulted, humiliated. If you have a man's dignity, then you already know what to do, no matter how long you have been married to this woman, and no matter how much you love her (are you right to call your feelings for a woman as "love" after 45 years of living together and аfter all the circumstances?).


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