# Major differences in opinion about raising our child



## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Hi
I am writing this in order to get a fresh and unbiased prospective on my problem. We have been married for 2 years, together for 5.5 years and have a 8 month old baby.
I have always been a vegetarian, my mother brought me up as one for the reasons of animal ethics. I have never had meat. Over the last 3 years, I have become more passionate about these views and have been vegan for almost a year. My husband is the opposite, he is a meat eater and has no regard for animal ethics or where exactly his food comes from. His view is that if it tastes good, it doesn't matter....and so he doesn't even go so far as to source meat from more ethical farming sources etc.

Now we have a child, who I turned to him and said when she was 1 month old that there was no way I could let him feed meat to her, and that I have absolutely no concept of why someone would choose to eat it - i haven't ever tasted it and so totally dont get it at all - I felt that as I had carried her for 9 months and had provided 99% of the care for her up until she was 6 months, that I should get more of a say....I had asked that she would be vegetarian (not vegan) until she was of an age (around 6-7) to understand what meat is and where it comes from, and if at that point she wanted to eat it I would not stop her. We agreed on this, and I felt that whilst my husband did not follow the same lifestyle choices as me, he respected and understood my views and that it was so so important to me.

4 months later, he backtracked.....he wants our child to eat meat. He has said I can't stop him, even if I left him he would give it to her when I am not about, and he doesn't care about my views/feelings about it.

At present, she is vegetarian until she hits 2, then he will feed her meat against my will.....and I am heartbroken as it means that she will unknowingly eat it before she has had a chance to understand both sides of the coin and come to her own conclusions. 

I feel that I dont love him the way I did, that I have been forced into a corner, and that I am now treading water until she hits 2 - I dont know in truth whether I will be able to stand there and let him do this and go along with it. This all happened 2 months ago, but it hasn't gotten any easier, especially when everyone I meet asks what we are going to do with her diet.....it brings it back to me constantly so its hard to put these feelings away even temporarily
when I mention how upset I still feel, he remarks that he doesn't understand why its such a big deal, which makes me wonder why he is pushing so hard in the other direction as he doesn't seem to get why its affecting me so much. 

I would be very grateful for your opinions on this matter and what I should do.......I feel that its affecting my marriage in a huge way, and my ability to love my husband...


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Honestly that's a hard one to figure out, you two have very different views. I'm surprised this hasn't been an issue sooner or at least talked about in regards to raising children. 

I would say feed the kid whatever they will eat, if you plan the meals do your thing and if your husband slips the kid some meat here and there it's not going to be the end of the world. The important thing is the kid is healthy and happy, as the kid grows they should be free to choose their own lifestyle.

So you have really never ever tried meat? I'm not sure if I admire your parents passion for raising you that way or if I think they brain washed you to such a degree you had no free will.


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Hi Cooper....

Yes it had been mentioned, a few weeks before we were due to be married, and it was left as a stalemate at that point, I did not feel at the time it was worth walking away over and guessed we would figure it out. Plus I had no idea how strongly I would feel about my child until I had her. Perhaps in retrospect I should have done more about it before we had a child, but I guess I was otherwise happy and excited to be getting married.

And yes I have never had meat, however once I reached adulthood there was always the option.....my brother did eat it for a few years, although I think he felt more peer pressure about it than I ever did...I have never had even a hint of curiosity or desire for it....but I wouldn't call it brainwashing at all, just I was aware of what it was and where it came from. Now as an adult, I am glad that I did not have something to give up, as I feel I would have turned veggie eventually....plus it made going vegan so much easier as I'm used to restrictions on my diet!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

ragdoll said:


> *Plus I had no idea how strongly I would feel about my child until I had her. *


Nobody ever does <3.

I feel for you. Your husband is going back on his word. And I agree with you.....if it's "not a big deal" why is he pushing so hard for her to eat meat by age 2?

Neither of my kids liked meat at all at age 2, so maybe you'll get lucky and then he'll give up easily...?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Hi Ragdoll,
I'm a vegetarian too, not vegan. My parents were not vegetarian, this was a choice I made in my life at the age of about 19. I have two daughters and I can honestly say it never occurred to me to raise them vegetarian. My ex was not. While I don't make it frequently, I have made them some meat dishes. I like the idea of allowing them to make up their own mind about what they put in their bodies (within reason). And there's obviously no way a young child could make that decision. Now they're both teens and do not choose to be vegetarian. I will still make a meat dish about twice a month and they are free to get what they like if we go out.

What you proposed, a vegetarian until age two, is the opposite of what I did. I did not want to force my belief system on them when they couldn't understand it. So aren't you essentially raising your daughter as a vegetarian? There's no judgment here, but either she follows your belief system, or she follows your husband's. One of you is likely to be offended. My advice is to ease up on this. I promise as she get older she will challenge other beliefs you hold and there is precious little you can do. Just keep communication open with your H and your D as she grows up. Explain your point of view and then let it go.


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

Let them eat meat. 

Barbecue season is here and I can't imagine not having a nice juicy steak smothered with onions and mushrooms.

You want veggies? You want to make sure animals are raised and treated ethically? Go right ahead but your child is 1/2 your husbands DNA and his responsibility and he's well within his rights not to limit her as you have chosen to do for yourself.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

What does your child's doctor say about a complete veggie diet at the age she is now? Is it a healthy diet that allows the child to grow. In short, would preventing any meat intake possibly stunt your child growth? 

The child should have a well rounded diet. When the growing is completed allow them to make their own decision. My 20yo went vegetarian at age 18. My 17yo will only eat chicken. No red meats. They are grown and make their own decision about it.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Yeswecan said:


> What does your child's doctor say about a complete veggie diet at the age she is now? Is it a healthy diet that allows the child to grow. In short, would preventing any meat intake possibly stunt your child growth?
> 
> The child should have a well rounded diet. When the growing is completed allow them to make their own decision. My 20yo went vegetarian at age 18. My 17yo will only eat chicken. No red meats. They are grown and make their own decision about it.


Of course its healhly. There are lots of ways to combine vegetables and different grains to form complete proteins. Its easier if you're not a vegan, but honestly its not that hard.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Pluto2 said:


> Of course its healhly. There are lots of ways to combine vegetables and different grains to form complete proteins. Its easier if you're not a vegan, but honestly its not that hard.


I have looked at the vegetarian lifestyle as my daughter wanted to go vegetarian. Sure, proteins can be gotten from vegetables. The problem I had seen was the amount one had to eat to obtain the correct protein intake for the day. If I remember correctly it was an entire head of lettuce. A infant is on breast milk or formula with associated fruit and veggie in a jar if they can eat solids. I would take the doctors advise on the meat intake for a infant up until adulthood.


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Thanks to you all for your comments - I have never used one of these sites before so I will respond to each of you?! 


I think in response to " So aren't you essentially raising your daughter as a vegetarian?" from Pluto 2 - I would say it is the opposite way round, but for me to put into my child's body something I have never put into mine and can't comprehend is very difficult.....I don't know what I'm 'missing out on', but I see no problem in her deciding to eat it if she chooses to in the future as that would be her decision as her own mind, at present all I am trying to do is raise my baby in the way I see fit, and....this sounds silly, but I dont know how else to put it.... protect her innocence from the cruelty that happens behind closed doors whilst she is too young to have her own opinion on the matter.....

Tenac - yes she is 1/2 my husbands DNA, this is true......and I have to respect that......he has a 50% say in what we do here, and we are coming from different backgrounds. However, I am actually a very relaxed person about most things, and this is the only issue that I hold close to my heart. For example, I am not religious, and I am not a huge fan, but he wants our child christened, so I have agreed......but I don't believe for one second that he holds his beliefs about meat to the degree that I do in the opposite direction.....

Yeswecan - I have not consulted a doctor, I am in fact one, and I am well read on the subject. In addition, I have had a lifetime of never eating meat and I am strong, fit and healthy enough. I would not make my child vegan as I do not believe that you can gain the nutritional requirements as easily for growth and development, but a well-balanced vegetarian diet is adequate. My not-so-little one is a big girl as well, at 91% centile for weight and 80+ for height - she's growing well....


I do appreciate these view points, its good to get different opinions

best wishes x


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ragdoll said:


> Yeswecan - I have not consulted a doctor, I am in fact one, and I am well read on the subject. In addition, I have had a lifetime of never eating meat and I am strong, fit and healthy enough. I would not make my child vegan as I do not believe that you can gain the nutritional requirements as easily for growth and development, but a well-balanced vegetarian diet is adequate. My not-so-little one is a big girl as well, at 91% centile for weight and 80+ for height - she's growing well....


 Well then why are you here? Your mind was completely made up before you posted. Never mind what your H thinks. I see troubled roads ahead over of all things,...food.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

ragdoll said:


> ...His view is that if it tastes good, it doesn't matter....and so he doesn't even go so far as to source meat from more ethical farming sources etc...
> 
> ...I felt that as I had carried her for 9 months and had provided 99% of the care for her up until she was 6 months, that I should get more of a say.... We agreed on this, and I felt that whilst my husband did not follow the same lifestyle choices as me, he respected and understood my views and that it was so so important to me....
> 
> ...


This is tough because it sounds like you are both pushing each other into a corner. You waited until after you were married and after she was born to extract this agreement from him, which I suspect he gave reluctantly, to make you happy, but he later realized it made him very unhappy.

Just as you did not realize how strongly you felt about it, he probably did not realize how strongly he felt about it either.

Food can be a very emotional issue. Many of my happiest life memories are centered around friends and family eating together. Family recipes are passed down through generations and very special to many. Family traditions often include what is eaten, when on which holiday. You don't realize how significant much of this is until you have a child and want to share these experiences with them. Your husband may not even realize it but I wonder if this is part of what is driving his change of heart.

Being a meat eater also comes with a set of values. You say your husband "doesn't even" worry about where food comes from as if he is wrong/bad to feel that way. But he is in the majority and now that you have a child together the message he gets from you is that his values are bad/wrong/inferior. You married him knowing he ate meat with reckless abandon, but that's not okay for your child.

There are some foods from my child hood that my husband refuses to even taste and it's hard to describe how disappointed and frustrated that makes me. Your husband may not have realized how much he wanted to share some of his culture in regards to food with his daughter until after he made the agreement with you.

I see your point of view too, I'm not saying you're wrong and he's right, just trying to point out to you that he may feel just as offended, blindsided and resentful as you about this.

Also, are you doing 99% of the job raising her because you two decided that would be your role or because he refuses to participate in raising her? When you say you think you should have more say in what your daughter eats than him, that sounds to me like you don't respect him and don't think of yourselves as a team.

What if you said "We have agreed she will not be given meat until she is two, can we revisit the topic then before you give it to her?" Some of his desire to feed her meat may also be an unconscious rebellion at you insisting he not do it.


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Yewescan, this is not the case, I am trying to save my marriage, of course i have strong views, or I wouldn't be in this pickle....I am simply discussing my viewpoint and rationale here, but as I said its helpful to get viewpoints from others.....Im trying to get past this, as I do want my husband and I to get over this, and I thought this would help. Everything that has been said so far I will take into consideration. so thank-you


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Ragdoll, some people have extremely strong points of view when it comes to vegetarianism, and your husband is just not one of those. Normally, couples try to find a compromise, so where are you willing to give? Trust me the need to compromise is going to become more crucial.


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Hi Working Wife, thanks for your comments.....

you know I hadn't really thought about the culture experience and it is a good point, and I think you may have hit the nail on the head which he hasn't verbalised well and that is that he wants her to experience certain things. He has never suggested it wasnt because he doesn't think I can't manage to provide her nutrition adequately....

For the last month he has improved, but yes prior to that I was doing 99% which wasnt agreed, in part it was because I was breastfeeding, but what rattled me was he couldn't be bothered to come to nursery viewing appointments as he would rather lie in bed, and didn't attend her hospital appointments either for the same reason, and I felt that it was unfair that he couldn't be bothered with certain things but this he was...but as I said he has changed this and has been more involved recently, which makes me think that as strong as my views are, I am going to have to try and live with it somehow. 

Its such a shame to be in this situation, as we were happy enough beforehand, but i can't help how I feel as much as he can I guess, we just have to try and work through it, and I need to try and 'get over it'??
And as you said, we could always agree to revisit at 2 years, once I have my head around it....

xx


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Pluto 2 - Hi 
yes, we need to reach a compromise.....perhaps the occasional ethically sourced meat is going to have to be it.....and I need to keep my personal feelings at bay in order to keep my marriage happy. 

its difficult as my initial compromise is that she would decide for herself as early as 6-7.....but I am trying desperately to let go and accept that my child will eat some meat now and then.....

gosh, this must sound so silly to some people reading this, like what's the big deal! thank goodness this is anonymous!


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

You assumed the risk in this one. You had a child with a man who has complete opposite views about food then you do. Therefore, this is nothing more than a "my diet is better for the child than your diet is." You do not have the final word in regards to your child, ever. Unless you file divorce and your husband signs off complete rights to you, then there is nothing you can do but to continue being open about it and less pressuring. 

My advice. Married or divorce, your husband is going to allow ya'll's child to eat meat as well as you are going to allow yall's child to be as close as possible to being a vegetarian. If you do not learn to cope with the situation, then you are going to keep backing yourself into this created corner even more until you are just completely miserable. Just be happy about the little things as sometimes, it is nearly impossible to change the greater issues. The best thing you can do is be accepting that your child's father is a good dad and learn to look away if meat is around you. And if you must, express to your husband about your feelings; however, I do no think its beneficial. If he agrees, then you win, and he is under your control concerning yall's child.


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Hi Wise
thanks for your post - you are completely right - and this is a question of being happy as we will never see eye to eye......and as you state, married or divorced, my child will be fed meat.....and he is a good father (a bit lazy lol) but a good heart otherwise....so I need to accept and move forward....thanks for the advice


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

I get it - I was vegan until very recently (couldn't keep up with ideal calorie intake due to active lifestyle and high metabolism... was dropping too much weight). 

Think about this:

If you divorce and have 50/50 custody - the child will be eating meat 50% of the time. If you stay married and reach an agreement of a few meals w/meat each week...which one is closer to your ideal?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Here are two parents with two different, honest-held ideas about what is best for their child. Each feels strongly. There are right / wrong / religious overtones.

Most western societies have decided that parents have equal control over their children's lives. One could reasonably argue differently - argue that the mother's physical connection to the child is stronger, but that would have all sorts of implications for custody, child support etc. So I will take the common view that the rights are equal. 


In a situation like this, I would suggest making the more common decision - which in this case is to let the child eat meat. When the child is older they can make an informed decision about what they eat.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Ragdoll I'm curious about something....you are passionate with your belief of a no meat diet and raising your child that way. You have cited your reasons and they are all valid, and we all know you can be healthy and live a meat free life.

Is your husband passionate as well in his belief that a person needs meat and your child needs meat to be healthy? What is his reasoning? Has he done research and has facts? Is it a religious or cultural thing? If he truly believes meat is needed then you have to respect his beliefs as he respects yours.

But...if he is simply arguing because he can or it's a control thing than your marriage has other issues going on...just something to think about.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Humans were created to consume meat. We are omnivores. We would not have bile to break down fats if we were supposed to eat only vegetables. The fact we do not have the bacteria in our system to break down plant celulose to fully utilize the nutrients in plants like cows, etc. also is proof we were not designed to be vegetarians only.

Maybe ask him if he would keep it to light meats like turkey and chicken till later. 

I have a co worker who is vegetarian, she is small and always complaining about being cold. I tell her she needs more iron in her diet, could be solved with a big juicy steak! 

Her hubby eats meat.....she cooks it for him and kids but she does not eat it. Later in childhood one of her young children decided they will not eat meat and the other is like dad and does. 
Like me, he is a fisherman and a hunter and kills deer. Does not get any more healthy and humane than that meat source. She likes fishing and talks about going hunting to help bring home food for the family.

I believe a child should be provided everything and they will choose if they like it or want to eat it. When they are older they can decide if they want to go vegetarian. The child may not like meat or may love it.


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

I never understood how vegetarians/vegans and meat eaters could maintain a relationship. What do you guys do, cook two separate meals every time you eat? Does he have to brush his teeth before you kiss? How do you even get around the moral conflict when it's obviously important to you? It'd be a huge deal breaker for me.

As a biased vegetarian I'd say he's in the wrong because he agreed to your initial idea of waiting until your daughter is old enough to understand what she's eating. He was the one who changed his mind, not you. Ignoring that bias, I agree with other posters. Compromise is key. It's his daughter, too, and he has every right to feed her however he wishes. She can still make her own decision when she's older.

(But don't lose hope just yet. You know what's going to happen the first time her poor little 2-year-old body digests meat? She's going to get sick. If she's like my kids were, it'll be a total puke and poop extravaganza. And you know whose job it'll be to clean it up? Your husband's. He'll never want to feed her meat again after that.)


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Why does he want to feed her meat? It's important for you to understand where he is coming from.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ragdoll said:


> Yewescan, this is not the case, I am trying to save my marriage, of course i have strong views, or I wouldn't be in this pickle....I am simply discussing my viewpoint and rationale here, but as I said its helpful to get viewpoints from others.....Im trying to get past this, as I do want my husband and I to get over this, and I thought this would help. Everything that has been said so far I will take into consideration. so thank-you


I did not believe you were attempting to save a marriage. I viewed this as finding a common ground with the nutrition of your daughter. 

If your H is a rational person able to comprehend what you know about feeding a child a meatless diet that is not detrimental to said child then there should be no argument IMO. No one can contest the FACTS! You are living proof. Really, how can someone argue the point?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Just very perplexing. Why would you ever marry someone in the first place who ate meat then?
And this isn't like a fad your doing..... you say you never eat meat but married a guy who does, So does every time he eat bother you?

This seems like a huge compatibility issue and now really can't be undone. I agree with others he is going to feed her meat as he was raised. My guess is that having kids changed him and he wants a part in how his kid is raised as well...so would I. You see this time to time on religion here. One parent a believer the other isn't. All is well and good till they have a kid then each wants the child raised their way. I deal with this to some regard with my x wife. Her being religous, but a terrible practitioner of it, and exposing my kids to it while I'm an atheist.

Maybe you can compromise and buy the meat that he feeds her so it's at least "ethical"?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

This is hard and I sure do understand your position. I come from the country where we raised meat for slaughter yet I have a trouble with the process and eat little red meat because of it. I do eat chicken and fish, our daughter eats no meat at all. Can you two compromise on say fish? I do feel that it has to be both of you agreeing and both have to stick to the agreement. I don't think it is wrong to expose your daughter to meat but I also understand your conviction, and all the more power to you (I wish more would climb on board). Thank your mom, she was a strong smart lady to hold to her beliefs. Coming from WY (cattle country) I realize that it is hard for many to give up that steak. If we become collused to the process or have no awareness we can pick up our meat at the store and bury our heads as to what really happens to produce that steak at the restaurants. It takes a great deal of awareness that not all of us our willing to hear or see.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I was a vegetarian for a very long time and the ex was not; now I occasionally eat meat or poultry b/c I'm giving it to the kids. I never wore leather or used other things with animal-byproducts, and while no one is perfect, I at least tried. (It would be easier today, being able to google things!)

I think the compromise lies in the ethically-farmed meat. If you are passionate about animal rights, then knowing the food your daughter consumes comes from someone who shares your point of view will be a relief--because really, insisting on "no meat" because most animals are not well-treated doesn't work if he agrees to buy free-range or whatever. 

Clearly your husband felt blind-sided, trapped, or coerced into the initial "no meat" agreement, so whether or not you intended to come across as insistent, you did--and his backtracking deserves acceptance, b/c he came to you and didn't just go behind your back. People are allowed to change their minds when they realize they have made an agreement with a loved one for the wrong reasons-it would be unkind to insist on enforcing a bad decision someone feels they made. 

I'd reopen the discussion and indicate that as long as your concern about the ethical treatment of animals is acknowledged in word and deed, you accept his desire to change his mind. 

I wonder if each of you did not give the other time to gather thoughts--you brought up the initial conversation and he never had/took time to really consider his position; when he realized he felt somehow less important as a parent (ie, you were playing a controlling role, and he felt left out), he also acted rather quickly and rashly. Parenting can do that to ya! Agree not to make decisions about your child until at least 24 hours after the discussion--so any "agreement" is open to renegotiation, etc, for 24 hours at least (as an example). Very, very few moments in life require an instant and irrevocable choice. Probably the best agreement my ex and I made in our early marriage was when we agreed never to spend more than $20 without discussing it with the other--and eventually, that sum went up to $100 as our incomes grew--but the point was, we knew it was important to be able to walk away from impulse purchases, and the rule really helped us keep to that. 

Good luck!


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## ragdoll (Jun 9, 2015)

Hey all, didnt realise more posts had been made....really helpful views and opinions....we ended up because I met him when I was in a very single phase and young (25) so diet wasn't high on my priority list if you understand what I mean lol....and back then, it didn't matter so much about our difference in diet, I was used to it in the past with other boyfriends....but now with the introduction of a child into our relationship things suddenly change and I care way more than i ever expected I would....the thought of her eating meat has been a devastating one....

however, I think i agree with you, a compromise needs to be reached...it 100% has to be ethically farmed, irrespective of cost or convenience, as I will not have her become part of a system which is so unethical....I guess I have to just hope that I can live with it and educate her (gently) about where her food comes from so she can make up her own mind.

Yeswecan, I totally agree with you, and part of the sting with all of this is that I feel its an insult to my upbringing and health....he comes out with arguments for eating meat which are not based on fact, rather ignorance (as he won't pick up a book or read anything about it) which makes it harder for me to swallow, whereas I am on the internet searching for evidence to back my arguments.....he thinks eating meat is healthiest (i prob should have mentioned he is a personal trainer and trains daily - my attempts to show him vegan sportspersons and bodybuilders go over his head lol)

As you have all pointed out, marriage is about compromise,which I am usually v good at (he gets his own way 80% of the time at least!!) I just didn't know how strongly I would feel about my child. I wish in my heart of hearts he would have let me have this one on the basis that I am 100% healthy without meat (in fact if I compare who gets sick most, its 10:1 him! and I work in a hospital lol!).....plus my compromise had been me conceding to let her choose at a very young age.....
BUT.....I haven't any option, she will eat meat whatever so the ethical compromise is what I need to go with

I would like to thank each and every one of you who has replied, its been so helpful to hear so many viewpoints and I do feel more balanced about it x


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your H being a personal trainer I would think that meat is the primary source of muscle building proteins in his mind. It will be hard to him to see the other side of the coin. Honestly, he cannot refute the facts if presented to him. I think a common ground can be found. If you are ok with free roam chicken and ethical(no GMO) forms of meat as an alternative then what can you H argue?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Your H being a personal trainer I would think that meat is the primary source of muscle building proteins in his mind. It will be hard to him to see the other side of the coin. Honestly, he cannot refute the facts if presented to him. I think a common ground can be found. If you are ok with free roam chicken and ethical(no GMO) forms of meat as an alternative then what can you H argue?


In my experience the difficulty is getting someone to even entertain the thought and look at facts. Accepting facts is near impossible with the buffer of inconvenience and stubbornness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

zillard said:


> In my experience the difficulty is getting someone to even entertain the thought and look at facts. Accepting facts is near impossible with the buffer of inconvenience and stubbornness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is when we hope rationality comes into play. We also can say that as H and W both need to stop and listen(communication). This is how a marriage is supposed to work. If one or the other completely shuts down refusing to listen then there is a problem. Next thing you know a new top is spurned at TAM! :surprise:


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> This is when we hope rationality comes into play. We also can say that as H and W both need to stop and listen(communication). This is how a marriage is supposed to work. If one or the other completely shuts down refusing to listen then there is a problem. Next thing you know a new top is spurned at TAM! :surprise:


Sadly, that happens all too often. 

Especially involving emotionally charged issues, which food often is. Many people are very protective of their irrational diet/health choices. Many meat eaters are just as rabid as the vegans/vegetarians they snub.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

zillard said:


> Sadly, that happens all too often.
> 
> Especially involving emotionally charged issues, which food often is. Many people are very protective of their irrational diet/health choices. Many meat eaters are just as rabid as the vegans/vegetarians they snub.


This is where I differ from most. My W cooks all the time. She cooks very well. She attempts to kept it healthful and does it well. Never will I get emotionally off kilter over her food choice and cooking. She is taking the time and effort. I'm darn sure going to eat it. Unless of course it is sh!t on a shingle. 

I can say my BIL is off his rocker with the diet and choices. I finally had to say to him stop looking down his nose at others who do not eat like he does.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

ragdoll said:


> Hi
> I am writing this in order to get a fresh and unbiased prospective on my problem. We have been married for 2 years, together for 5.5 years and have a 8 month old baby.
> 
> I have always been a vegetarian, my mother brought me up as one for the reasons of animal ethics. I have never had meat. Over the last 3 years, I have become more passionate about these views and have been vegan for almost a year. My husband is the opposite, he is a meat eater and has no regard for animal ethics or where exactly his food comes from. His view is that if it tastes good, it doesn't matter....and so he doesn't even go so far as to source meat from more ethical farming sources etc.
> ...


Sorry, but just because you are the mom does not mean you get more of a say in your child's life. Both of you are parents and both of you get a say in how the child is raised. I'm a mom myself and would never just make unilateral decisions about our son. My husband gets a say, too. 

As with many decisions in a marriage/life, you have to come to a compromise. Write down several options and look for something you both can agree on.

Personally, I would feed her meat and all types of healthy food until she is old enough to make that decision on her own on what she wants to eat(vegan, vegetarian, eat meat, etc). I made sure to expose my son to all types of food and he loves chicken and fish, as well as spinach, carrots, all types of fruit, etc. He's not a picky eater at all, which is wonderful. Edited to add that he is not even 2. He's a great kid.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Have not read all the posts, but just wanted to say that we have raised all our five kids vegetarian. They are certainly free to do what they want when they are older, and obviously we do not know what they eat out of home, but that is how they are being raised.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

I was raised on chicken and tofu, became a vegetarian as a young adult and remained as such for most of my 20s. Now I'm eating enough meat to cede any moral high ground I might have gained before.

I don't think the issue of meat consumption is black and white. OP, it seems you are concerned that if your daughter eats meat at a young age, she will lose her purity; the opportunity to go through life as a lifelong vegetarian. I can only assure you that I know lots of people who became vegetarian between 5 and 15, and none of them harbor soul crushing regrets about the meat they ate in their early years.

If you're concerned about the social impact of your daughter's meat consumption, let that be on your husband. You have your input in your daughter's upbringing, he has his. You made a valiant effort.

You can still break out the Moosewood cookbook sometimes (and he should eat those meals too, no reason for him no to). You can ask that he chooses antibiotic free chicken and grass-fed beef to feed to your daughter.

Good luck!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Son likes a girl , found out she is a vegan and is now turned off by it.. I spoke to him about this thread.. how it can cause major issues if a couple is not on the same page.. what a shame.. I Have a grandfather who lived to be 97 yrs old, never lost his mind.. was still getting around...he was a meat eater.. I don't see that Vegan's live any longer than the general population of healthy eaters.. is there statistics on this? 

I feel both parents should have a say... and allow the child to make up his / her own mind as they grow ....represent both sides of the issue.. 

Seems almost like a religion.. if one is too strict.. it's going to cause colossal problems with parenting if not on the same page....that's the shame of it..

I can sure think of worse marital dilemmas to have in the scheme of things....unless a certain diet was required to keep the child from becoming ill or sickly..

Thank God your child is healthy and please consider a little leeway, sounds your husband is a decent man.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Actually I heard of a study of that did show small pockets of Americans that lived a bit longer in average. The pockets had high concentration of seventh day adventists, who don't eat meat. 

I heard of it from a seventh day adventist though, so can't claim is accurate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> I felt that as I had carried her for 9 months and had provided 99% of the care for her up until she was 6 months, that I should get more of a say


I read this and I stopped...

sigh

Regardless of this vegetarian issue, is the playing field ever going to be a level one for your husband?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Son likes a girl , found out she is a vegan and is now turned off by it.. I spoke to him about this thread.. how it can cause major issues if a couple is not on the same page.. what a shame.. I Have a grandfather who lived to be 97 yrs old, never lost his mind.. was still getting around...he was a meat eater.. I don't see that Vegan's live any longer than the general population of healthy eaters.. is there statistics on this?
> 
> No, there are no statics showing that they live longer. There are so many factors that go into a long life(genetics, exercise, diet, exposure to different things, etc.), that no one can claim that a certain diet(vegan, etc.) is what leads to a longer life. My great-grandma lived to 101 and loved meat. She loved dancing and did so well into her 90s, and was completely mentally there.
> 
> ...


I agree. 

Both parents definitely need a say. Being the 'mom' does not give you all the power.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

This one is easy.... 

Feed her a combination of healthy foods including lean meat which is recognized in most food guides as a great source of protein and it does taste very good. 

Ethically done or not the cow still gets killed and chopped up to bits in the end which can't be pleasing to the cow. 

When the kid is old enough to decide for herself she picks what she wants to do for a diet. 

I had one of my kids turn vegetarian when she was a teenager. It was not a giant deal as it didn't stop me from eating what I liked to eat but I was respectful of her choices as well so I had to cook two main courses once in awhile and it also introduced me to the wonderful world of meatless cooking which is often healthy and tastier than I would've thought in some cases. 

Your husbands view is as valid as your's is so give the kid a wide view to start then let her narrow down her own choices later on as it is not worth fighting your husband to the death over.


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