# He wears my bras and nightys while hes masterbating



## resentful_ (Aug 5, 2012)

My ex husband and I were together for about 17 yrs. I always felt like I wasnt good enough for him but could never understand why. He always wanted to watch porn, I caught him masterbating with my nightgown on and a blindfold, he has told me that he imagined i was my best friend on my knees in front of him, and he always covers my mouth while hes having sex with me. I ended up having an affair with a coworker that showed me love and compassion, he stroked my face and told me I was beautiful, etc. The problem was that my ex found out and began to stalk me call me terrible names wished i was dead in front of my kids and acted stupid in front of my workplace. The guy i was seeing was going through a divorce. I ended up divorcing my husabd during that time. Because my ex started acting stupid, I guess it scared the new guy off, he went back to his wife and said he couldnt handle the drama. My ex drilled in my head that i love to be used and he really was the only one that loved me, made me feel like i was trash, said I let my kids and my family down etc. The normal verbal abuse.....Anyway one day we were arguing and his phone rang, he wouldnt answer. I grabbed his phone and called it back. It was his 1st love, who might I add was married to an FBI guy. He told me they had been seeing each other and that he never really wanted to marry me, I was a stand in for her. She ended up going back to her husband. I cant stand to be in bed with him. Its been 6 months, the last time we were together, i took a long hot shower afterwards, it made me ill. I cannot bring myself to sleep with him, hes angry. I found one of my very pretty gowns turned inside out on my bed, it repulses me and I feel violated. I am afraid to leave beause of the embarrasing behavior from him last time on front of my co workers. So im stuck. My 17 yr old graduates next year and I dont want to disturb that by messing his head up. I purposely stay at work all day so I dont have to see him much at night. He does not live with me but a couple of streets over. Has anyone ever been through this?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Umm... Didn't you say he's your ex???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Confusing story... You're having sex with your ex? That makes him... Not your ex! :scratchhead:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yeah... confused here too....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

> I caught him masterbating with my nightgown on and a blindfold, he has told me that he imagined i was my best friend on my knees in front of him


If he's wearing female garments while spanking his monkey, more than likely he's gay or bi and fantasying about being a woman doing the deed with a guy. In his fantasy, he was probably you on his knees in front of you best friends husband or S/O.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Crossdressing and homosexualiy/bisex are unrelated.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Fvstringpicker said:


> If he's wearing female garments while spanking his monkey, more than likely he's gay or bi and fantasying about being a woman doing the deed with a guy. In his fantasy, he was probably you on his knees in front of you best friends husband or S/O.


I had an ex who liked the idea of being with a woman as a woman too, he would want to wear women's garments while being intimate... He had no desire to be with a man. 

There's some medical terminology for it that explains what its all about.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Maybe he's a lesbian in a mans body.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya I been thru this, not proud but I was that abusive husband...be it not into wearing chick underwear but all the same I used my W.

I can tell you the only way he is going to change is if he wants to, for some dumb reason he can't see that he diserves good things. For some dumb reason he can't see when you do good on to your spouse your spouse will do good on to you. he just can't see his life doesn't have to be this way and there a healthier behaviors that will bring him good things.

But he may need to hit rock bottom before he goes and learns the tools that will give him healthier behavior and in turn give him good things in life.

I suggest you go by your self and see a MC or at least an IC and start there. I allso suggest you do a 180 and protect your self from this emotional toture.

BTW, both of you have not a clue how to deal with an unhealthy marriage. As you can see affairs don't help the marriage it just screws it up more. The healthy way in dealing with an unhealthy marriage is to get counseling or get out of it and Divorce and if RO are in order then get one. Did you really think the A was going to help your marriage?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Also you can go to the sporting goods store and pick up a gun safe for your stuff, and start buying some XXL size stuff for that half @ss husband of yours.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I am confused...it sounds like u got back with your husband but he lives a few streets away. Does he still control you even though you don't live together? If you don't live together, how will leaving affect your son who is graduating soon? 

I would imagine if your children are not too screwed up by being brought up with him as a parent that they may well understand and it may be a relief that you will finally leave him. Regardless of your children's feelings of you leaving, I would start making plans now so that all is in place once your son leaves school. You have done your best for them and now it is time to stand strong and make your escape. It will be hard, you will wonder if you are making the right choice, but get through that pain barrier, and it will be painful, and see what tomorrow will bring. There is only one way out from a relationship like that, and that is onwards and upwards. And don't cave in and go back. You will find times where you will want to because on your own will be scary, that is the pain barrier...and you must go past it.


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## resentful_ (Aug 5, 2012)

Ok Yeah , i was all over the place, We were separated , during the separation I was seeing a guy at work, he starting seeing his married 1st love. Said he was pissed so he wanted to get back at me. I fell for his words and believed I was hurtng my kids and family so I came back, but he remained talking to his 1st love, the one that he really wanted to marry until I caught him. Because of all the other stuff, sleeping with him repulses me but I stay because I do not want my kids senior year to be disturbed, sorry about the confusion...


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## resentful_ (Aug 5, 2012)

No It wasnt meant to help my marriage, I just felt used by him so I looked for alternatives


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

You're under no obligation to sleep with him. Get your finances in order and prepare for divorce once your child graduates.


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## resentful_ (Aug 5, 2012)

Please see my response below...sorry about the confusion...


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## resentful_ (Aug 5, 2012)

Thank you for the encouragement. My kids are very screwed up and my son has bumped heads with him many times. I realize the only way to get passed this is for me to move away from him, sell my house. It doesnt matter if I leave or not, he will blow my phone up, or harass and embarass me at work. I guess my way of driving him away from me is to stay away as much as possible, ignore him when im home and never sleep with him again, which is easy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Fvstringpicker said:


> Maybe he's a lesbian in a mans body.


All men are lesbians in a man's body!!! Poor things, so cruely trapped by nature... :rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Go see an attorney and start putting together your exit plan.

Get some kind of restrating order i place when you move out. Or get a new job whether is far away or in the same city.

Working on your exit plan for a year will give you strength and a renewed purpose.

You might even want to get him in MC with you to pave the way to you leaving him.


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

resentful_ said:


> My ex husband and I were together for about 17 yrs. I always felt like I wasnt good enough for him but could never understand why. He always wanted to watch porn, I caught him masterbating with my nightgown on and a blindfold, he has told me that he imagined i was my best friend on my knees in front of him, and he always covers my mouth while hes having sex with me. I ended up having an affair with a coworker that showed me love and compassion, he stroked my face and told me I was beautiful, etc. The problem was that my ex found out and began to stalk me call me terrible names wished i was dead in front of my kids and acted stupid in front of my workplace. The guy i was seeing was going through a divorce. I ended up divorcing my husabd during that time. Because my ex started acting stupid, I guess it scared the new guy off, he went back to his wife and said he couldnt handle the drama. My ex drilled in my head that i love to be used and he really was the only one that loved me, made me feel like i was trash, said I let my kids and my family down etc. The normal verbal abuse.....Anyway one day we were arguing and his phone rang, he wouldnt answer. I grabbed his phone and called it back. It was his 1st love, who might I add was married to an FBI guy. He told me they had been seeing each other and that he never really wanted to marry me, I was a stand in for her. She ended up going back to her husband. I cant stand to be in bed with him. Its been 6 months, the last time we were together, i took a long hot shower afterwards, it made me ill. I cannot bring myself to sleep with him, hes angry. I found one of my very pretty gowns turned inside out on my bed, it repulses me and I feel violated. I am afraid to leave beause of the embarrasing behavior from him last time on front of my co workers. So im stuck. My 17 yr old graduates next year and I dont want to disturb that by messing his head up. I purposely stay at work all day so I dont have to see him much at night. He does not live with me but a couple of streets over. Has anyone ever been through this?


This is a bit long, so let me summate this a little. You cheated on your husband(doesn't matter why) with a married guy and you say 'the problem is he did this and that' due to him finding out that you cheated. (Real problem is you cheated, own up to it). 

You thought you had a find in a guy going through a divorce, yet he decided to work on his marriage(something you should have done), and that was upsetting and it sounds like when you learned your Affair Partner was getting back with his wife, you had an 'Holly Fcku' moment, and realized you might have made a mistake. He didn't go back to his wife because of anything your ex was doing. More than likely he went back to his wife because he loved her and fckd up, or because of something you were doing. You shouldn't even call him a new guy, he was already married. You were going after someone else's husband. Shame.

I can't even make sense of the rest of your story. What does an FBI guy have to do with anything. This story starts and ends with your infidelity. Get your head together before you even consider a relationship. You CAN be alone and be happy. Try it. You will not be happy with another until you can be happy by yourself.

-MWD


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

By definition, there is no such thing as a lesbian in a mans body. I know people like to have fun here, but encouraging silly stuff with someone who is already off balance probably is not a great idea. 

-MWD


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

MWD said:


> By definition, there is no such thing as a lesbian in a mans body. I know people like to have fun here, but encouraging silly stuff with someone who is already off balance probably is not a great idea.
> 
> -MWD


relax dude


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

What I find interesting is that your husband wears the same size bras and nighties as you.


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## resentful_ (Aug 5, 2012)

Well, I do know that infedility is wrong and there is no excuse. I have owned up to my mistake and he is very harassing. He does still love his 1st girlfriend and F...ing someone who is married to the FBI is stupid, thats what I meant by that. No more stupid than I. Im not making excuses but he cant throw stones at a glass house. He strayed long before I did, So, Its not that im not over myself I just dont know how to get "over" the trust issues. sorry u were confused, sounds like your scorned yourself.


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

resentful_ said:


> Well, I do know that infedility is wrong and there is no excuse. I have owned up to my mistake and he is very harassing. He does still love his 1st girlfriend and F...ing someone who is married to the FBI is stupid, thats what I meant by that. No more stupid than I. Im not making excuses but he cant throw stones at a glass house. He strayed long before I did, So, Its not that im not over myself I just dont know how to get "over" the trust issues. sorry u were confused, sounds like your scorned yourself.


Not scorned. I have been fortunate to have never had my marriage vows broke on either side. I guess I have had a few cheating girlfriends, but who hasn't. 

I don't mean to sound like a d1ck, but you are now pulling the 'he did it first'. It doesn't matter if the persons was FBI or not, you are injecting drama where it does not need to be injected(the story is already ultra dramatic). 

Is your post really about him dressing up in your clothes? If so, what does the rest of the crap you posted about have to do with it? Is it about the rest of the crap? Then what does the dressing up have to do with it. Your story is so mixed up, it is hard to tell what you are really hear for. Are you looking for an excuse to leave him? If so, that is more solved by talking about your and his love or lack of love for each other. By yours and his motivation to work through the problems. Not by throwing up a post highlighting the Jerry Springer moments of your relationship. 

I wish you the best, and hope my message comes across without sounding like a jacka$$.

-MWD


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I don't see the problem here.

-Confirmed affair

-Abusive

-Homosexual tendecies

-stupid

-manchild


Leave his as*. Seems pretty simple to me.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

MWD said:


> Not scorned. I have been fortunate to have never had my marriage vows broke on either side. I guess I have had a few cheating girlfriends, but who hasn't.


What on earth would draw you to this forum if your marriage is totally secure and you have not experienced infidelity on either side? I don't understand. Why would you search for this?

It took for my own total devastation, and gaslighting, to cause me to Google 'how to deal with infidelity'. And it was a long way round before I got here. What brought you here MWD, to give your inexperienced advice that is laced with judgement and ignorance?



MWD said:


> I wish you the best, and hope my message comes across without sounding like a jacka$$.
> 
> -MWD


Sorry, every message u posted on this thread makes you sound like a jacka$$


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

doesnt sound like the relationship is good for anyone involved--especially the kids---he has problems and you do to. Talk to an attorney and a therapist. This dude has done a number to all involved.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Remains said:


> What on earth would draw you to this forum if your marriage is totally secure and you have not experienced infidelity on either side? I don't understand. Why would you search for this?
> 
> It took for my own total devastation, and gaslighting, to cause me to Google 'how to deal with infidelity'. And it was a long way round before I got here. What brought you here MWD, to give your inexperienced advice that is laced with judgement and ignorance?
> 
> ...



Fortunately this forum is open to all and I believe he has the right to be here and comment.


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

Remains said:


> What on earth would draw you to this forum if your marriage is totally secure and you have not experienced infidelity on either side? I don't understand. Why would you search for this?
> 
> It took for my own total devastation, and gaslighting, to cause me to Google 'how to deal with infidelity'. And it was a long way round before I got here. What brought you here MWD, to give your inexperienced advice that is laced with judgement and ignorance?
> 
> ...


Who said anything about totally secure? Why would you make the jump from me not having an infidelous marriage to totally secure? 

I am sorry to hear about the issue you had to deal with in your marriage. Nobody should ever have to deal with that. 

Inexperience? Just because I have not had to deal with infidelity that makes me inexperienced?  

-MWD


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