# Age 57, 25+ years marriage, No Fault / Equitable Distribution State, no minor children, long serparation, How to get through the process?



## Divorcing1 (May 21, 2019)

Currently I'm In the early stages of the court filed divorce process. We tried to handle things on our own, pro se, but after 4 years it became evident (to me) that it was necessary to involve attorneys as my spouse continuously changed their position in our homemade settlement agreement after we'd agree on things. (It all started out as agreeable but then things changed after the marital home was sold and closed). it got complicated as my spouse suddenly uttered "alimony" then I knew that an attorney was needed.

Over the years during the separation my Spouse had previously scheduled and appeared for two separate visits to enter the marital home to separate and select what we considered to be our separated marital property. Spouse then removed what we considered to be their belongings. The balance left behind was considered to be mine. 

Two years later (2022) Spouse appeared unannounced at the marital home approx 3 weeks prior to the closing of the sold property. I had a few additional items set asside for spouse (what I considered to be personal to my spouse) and made these items available for my spouse to remove. Spouse sorted through those items, Spouse barged way into one of the buildings to sift through remaining items to take more at random. I wasn't happy but didn't want to cause things to escalate and chose not to argue. Instead called police to prevent spouse from entering home and to prevent spouse from cherry picking though more of the belongings that I now considered to be mine after all was previously sorted through and left behind.

The job that I had during marriage was lost during separation largly due to spouses political interference with the leaders of my organization causing very difficult unfixable circumstances that created a riff on the job. I was never able to replace the same salary. The next job that I had during separation paid much less and was lost during a massive layoff. I've been unemployed for several months.

I retained a lawyer in the late spring of 2022. Complaint was served on spouse approx one month ago in July 2022, spouse's atty has already filed the answer to complaint.
Now spouse is asking for more material items and asking for Alimony. 

Atty and I prefer to settle. 

Now my attorney is asking for all kinds of financial information and details over and above the normal. (All asset holdings were already disclosed).

Feeling very anxious. How do people get through this stuff?


No Fault State
Equitable Distribution State
I finally hired attorney Spring 2022, complaint filed and served, spouse has answered the complaint
20+ years married
2016 Spouse abandoned the marital home and financial responsibilities
6 years Separated and Living apart (Spouse has moved to another state with a new partner)
No Minor Children
Marital Home was sold earlier 2022.(I lived in the home and paid the mortgage taxes and HOI insurance throughout the separation)
We did not offer any type of support to each other during any part of the separation.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Cut off any contact, stop any foot dragging.
Why waste 6 years of your life on this? I don’t get it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Divorcing1 said:


> Currently I'm In the early stages of the court filed divorce process. We tried to handle things on our own, pro se, but after 4 years it became evident (to me) that it was necessary to involve attorneys as my spouse continuously changed their position in our homemade settlement agreement after we'd agree on things. (It all started out as agreeable but then things changed after the marital home was sold and closed). it got complicated as my spouse suddenly uttered "alimony" then I knew that an attorney was needed.
> 
> Over the years during the separation my Spouse had previously scheduled and appeared for two separate visits to enter the marital home to separate and select what we considered to be our separated marital property. Spouse then removed what we considered to be their belongings. The balance left behind was considered to be mine.
> 
> ...


WTH did I just read?

You‘ve been trying for 4 years to divorce and he/she/it won’t play nice? Everybody feels anxious in divorce but after 4 years I’d think you would be acclimated by now.

What are you anxious about?
Just play the game until it’s over. Let the lawyer do your talking.


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## Divorcing1 (May 21, 2019)

Marc878 said:


> Cut off any contact, stop any foot dragging.
> Why waste 6 years of your life on this? I don’t get it.


This is where I'm at. I'm done wasting time. That's why I retained attorney. contact ended over 30 days ago when spouse was becoming petty and unreasonable. I guess it's just that the argument/disagreement is getting real and I'm feeling the anxiety.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

That length of time tells me you need a new lawyer.


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## Divorcing1 (May 21, 2019)

SCDad01 said:


> That length of time tells me you need a new lawyer.


I was doing it pro se up until 2022. I retained a lawyer this summer.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why the use of "spouse" and they/their? Do they identify as a them/their in life and not as a she or he?

The use of pronouns made it hard to read, honestly.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Divorcing1 said:


> Currently I'm In the early stages of the court filed divorce process. We tried to handle things on our own, pro se, but after 4 years it became evident (to me) that it was necessary to involve attorneys as my spouse continuously changed their position in our homemade settlement agreement after we'd agree on things. (It all started out as agreeable but then things changed after the marital home was sold and closed). it got complicated as my spouse suddenly uttered "alimony" then I knew that an attorney was needed.
> 
> Over the years during the separation my Spouse had previously scheduled and appeared for two separate visits to enter the marital home to separate and select what we considered to be our separated marital property. Spouse then removed what we considered to be their belongings. The balance left behind was considered to be mine.
> 
> ...


Covid has backed up the courts across the country. My wife and I have a real estate court filing that has been sitting in a Texas Court from late 2019. 

Yes, your no-fault divorce should not take that long. My understanding is that the financial notifications and filings plus scheduling a court date with a judge will be the biggest time. 

Having your spouse abandon you in 2016 and not filing until Spring 2022, probably has an interesting back story, but it sounds like selling the house and lining up the division of asests is moving right along. Get a good attorney. All the details on the financial stuff you need to provide, just remember that your Ex, will have to file similar information as well.

Good luck.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

A lot of the settlement is dependent on whether you live in a community property or equitable state.


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## Divorcing1 (May 21, 2019)

Prodigal said:


> A lot of the settlement is dependent on whether you live in a community property or equitable state.


It's an equitable distribution state.


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