# Would love to hear your advice! (can't get over fiance's sexual past and infidelity)



## ithilelleth (May 6, 2014)

I am new to this forum and I registered in the hope that I can discuss a problem that became now very deep for me and to hear other people's opinions, because I can't deal with this problem alone and at this point can't visit a therapist. 

I'd try to keep a long story short. A bit of a background info. I have a good social level. I don't sleep around with men even though I have lots of chances to do this and had multiple relationships one of which was constantly on and off for many years, which hurt me deeply, because there the boy was constantly leaving me for other girls and not really treating me ok. Other than that in all other relationships there was no infidelity issues and very good treating. 

The problem is with my fiance. We are together from one year. He is from a lower social level than mine. He treats me very good and with the things he does for me it shows that he loves me even thougt after all I don't feel it so. For many months he couldn't stop bragging to me that he had many women in his life and that he slept with a lot of women. He was telling me stories of how he ****ed them with lot's of details, like even how he ****ed with a tampon in and so on and how he ****ed a transsexual. Needless to say this was hard for me to swallow as I never wanted to know such things and never asked to know this. On top for many months he couldn't stop talking with his ex telling her he loves her, with women he ****ed or women which he tried to make more than friends. Since I stormed out at one point, he totally changed about it all - stopped bragging, deleted his ex and these whom he slept with, gave me his passwords and was showing how sorry he is. But it is kind of too late as he brainwashed me with that ****ing with other women and interested he showed. I believe he is sorry, but it is a few months since then and I can't make sex with him, because I associate every move with the details of the stories he told me about. I am disgusted from him. I really need help about this. He put so many pictures in my mind I think this can't be undone. I became depressed. I was accepting all for many months as it is until he got over the border. He was even telling sweet names which he never heard before, but heard them from me, to other women. I know he is sorry, he would correct himself, but I can't touch him anymore after all he put in my mind. Please advice!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Honestly, I'd say that your SO isn't mature enough to be in a steady relationship, marriage or otherwise. Or he's a f*cking moron. Or both.

My advice is the same either way -- kick this guy out of your life and don't look back, ever.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Give him his ring back, cancel the wedding planner and tell him "bye bye Azzhole" .......

Go out and find yourself a good man who is not a male slvt and who will truly love you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stop dating 'boys' and date 'men'.

This is not a man who you can have a good long term relationship with. Why are you trying to force yourself to have feelings you do not have? Why are you trying to force yourself to accept things that are not acceptable?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Caste him to one side. You deserve better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> *Caste* him to one side. You deserve better.


LOL! Clever!!!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*He's not marriage material, and may never be! Just go ahead and cut your loses and find yourself the guy who will love you for who you are and you only!

Trust me, he's out there somewhere!*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL! Clever!!!


Doh! THere's an extra e there, isn't there?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

ithilelleth said:


> He is from a lower social level than mine. (


Sounds like you've identified the problem.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

He's been with a ton of women and at least one guy. Bad enough, then he brags about it to you, which is highly disrespectful.

Then he contacts his ex, tells her he loves her, probably goes back and f--s her again for ol times sake.

And yet you got engaged to him. Do you have self esteem issues? Do you enjoy the degradation and humiliation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

You should cut your losses now and end all of this. His wh*rish past will haunt you as long as you are involved with him. You will never get over this.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

ithilelleth,

I would suggest that you spend some time reading through some of the stories here, in the COPING WITH INFIDELITY forum of TAM. If you do, you will see absolutely horrifying stories of married people's lives being destroyed by their spouse's infidelity, which could have been avoided if they had recognized said significant other's "issues" early on, preceding marriage. You, believe it or not, are blessed because, you are seeing (AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, QUESTIONING) serious issues before taking the plunge. Your head is trying to tell you what your heart is having trouble seeing. 

You are presumably young, have no children, with your entire life ahead of you. Could you imagine, being married to this person, with children, only to find out that he was having a physical affair with another woman, or even a tranny? He is, without realizing it, telling you "I have insecurity and sexual issues and respect you so little, that I am going to rub them in your face", all in an effort to make you feel that he has value.

If you are a spiritual person, I would advise you to pray and ask for wisdom. If you are not, than I would advise you to DUMP THE DUDE and go find a guy, whom comes from healthy, happy parents and shows you more respect, cause this one is a DOUCHE! (Actually, if you are a spiritual person, DUMP THE DUDE anyway). Also, assuming that you have a good relationship with your parents, you should talk to them about this guy and get their take. I'm willing to bet, their words will be way more harsh than mine.


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