# How to choose a good Marriage Counselor



## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

I've been to counseling twice before in a 30 year span. Two different States. Both were helpful to a point but I never really felt like things were resolved. How does one go about finding a good therapist. I don't want to ask friends because they don't know all my husband and I have been going through. Is that the only way to find a good one? Through referrals? Is there somewhere on this forum for recomendations?


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

I see on the right hand side of the screen there are some recomendations. Sorry, didn't see that at first. Although, I looked through the ones near me and didn't find one that felt right. hmm?


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## Zanne (Dec 7, 2012)

Hi Stressed, my marriage counselor was recommended by our church. I eventually started seeing a therapist in the same practice for individual counseling. Both were really good fits for us. I guess maybe we got lucky?

Here's another resource: 
Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today
It's a fairly comprehensive list; I know my own therapist is listed there.


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Zanne said:


> Hi Stressed, my marriage counselor was recommended by our church. I eventually started seeing a therapist in the same practice for individual counseling. Both were really good fits for us. I guess maybe we got lucky?
> 
> Here's another resource:
> Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today
> It's a fairly comprehensive list; I know my own therapist is listed there.


Thank you! That does look like a good list of options.


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

This might be a silly question but does it matter if they are a counselor, LCSW or Psychiatrist? Psychologist?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I would get a list of counselors that accept your insurance. Then, call a few and set up an initial consult. Counseling can be a long-term pursuit, so it makes sense to at least TRY the ones who take your insurance. It is normal to have to go through a few before you find the right one. Recommendations are nice, but trial and error is really the only way to find the right counselor.


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Thank you zookeeper!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Stressedandsad said:


> This might be a silly question but does it matter if they are a counselor, LCSW or Psychiatrist? Psychologist?


Yes and no. Some broad generalizations:

A Psychologist has a Ph.D. in psychology, and has a lot of training in how to do therapy. The education has a ton of theory about psychology. They do internships after the formal education to learn the nuts/bolts of therapy.

A MSW has a Master's Degree. It is less of the formal education. In reality the MSW gets great practical training after leaving school, just like the Ph.D., and so there is no default better or worse between the Psychologist or the MSW.

I am not totally sure about the LCSW if they are required to have a MSW.

Licensure is a state level thing, not national. So the licensed psychologist or other licensed therapist has passed some state level scrutiny. It does not indicate competence in their field, though.

There are some industry level certifications. These are far more important imo because they show specific training in specific styles or theories of therapy. MFT is one. Another is EFT.

For me, the EFT (Emotion Focused Therapy) fits my personality and relationship style, and the kinds of problems in my marriage. You can find a list of EFT certified therapists in your area at Home.

You could ask therapists what their model or style is. For example, a behaviorist would be great for phobias or perhaps a spouse who is obsessive compulsive (a hoarder for example). A cognitive oriented therapist would work on you understanding what is going on and understanding what might work better. Some therapists truly specialize, e.g. sex abuse victims or eating disorders, etc. Many seem to put a long list of "specialties" on their web site, so you should really interview them about what the majority of their cases deal with, and ask if they have any personal areas of interest or specialty.

The Psychiatrist has an M.D. degree. They get next to no training at all in therapy or counseling. They get medical training. They make sense for biochemical issues and medications. Depression or bipolar for example can be treated with prescription meds. Usually the Psychiatrist is not the one to see for counseling or therapy. Usually you'd see a Psychologist or other therapist for the therapy stuff, and they would consult with the Psychiatrist for any meds which might be needed.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You might browse this too...
http://www.marriageguardian.com


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Thank you all! Fabulous information! Very grateful!


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Ill tell you this much about degrees and qualifications. My wife insisted on a degreed psychologist when we first pursued counseling. We went through two and neither worked well for us. We are now going to a LCSW and have made a lot of progress. 

Don't get too hung up on the details. The most important part is the chemistry with the counselor. If he/she can't develop trust with both of you, the qualifications mean little. I'm not saying to go to give it no weight, but don't automatically exclude a counselor because of their academic background.


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

Psychiatrists do get training in therapy and counselling. A lot of it. Usually at least 3 years.


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## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

Thanks for bringing this back up to the top kalimata. Unfortunately, I still haven't found a therapist. Both of the recomendations by friends that I was given aren't taking new clients. I've got two calls into some I just found on the net and no one is calling me back.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

kalimata said:


> Psychiatrists do get training in therapy and counselling. A lot of it. Usually at least 3 years.


Psychiatrists are MDs who get medical school training. Then they go out and do their specialization in psych. I'm not saying they are not qualified, just that their training is very different than a Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist.

The Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist has a 4 yr undergrad degree in psych, then gets 4 to 6 years of graduate level study in psychology. It includes various theories and methods of therapy across different types of diagnoses. Then they go do at least a year of internship plus observation and supervision. 

In my observation, MD Psychiatrists tend not to do the same types of therapy as Ph.D. Psychologists. Having said that, any therapist whether they be MD, Ph.D., MSW, etc gains skill over years of real experience. Thus I would look for an experienced therapist who has 10 or more years dealing with the kind of issues I want help with. An MSW with 20 yrs doing real therapy with infidelity issues would be preferable to a Ph.D. fresh out of school.


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