# Working on me...



## dburger82 (Dec 22, 2017)

Hello everyone!

It has been about a little bit since my last post. As I mentioned previously, me and my drug addicted soon to be ex-husband of 13 years agreed to get a divorce. Not sure how amicable we will be once the lawyers get involved, but it is at the moment. I had my aha! moment a few weeks ago after he asked for a trial separation on December 18th, then I decided that I did not want to work anything out but instead move forward into the divorce proceedings. I have two lawyer appointments (one next week and one the week after) to see what each has to say. I used the one during my custody hearing with my son's father and the other came highly recommended. 

I have had very little contact with him over the past week. I met up with him on December 28th to give him a few things. His mother was with him but she didn't get involved, but he looked absolutely awful, as if he used again. Seeing him like that didn't bring up any feelings... like there was nothing there. Seeing him really solidified in my mind that I was really ready to move on with my life without him in it. Since that day, I haven't heard a word from him so I'm sure he was on a binge again.

I also have a counseling appointment for next week to start my own healing process, and I will be getting my 16-year-old son into counseling soon so he has a way to vent his feelings and come to terms what is going on. I also have made it a point of doing things that I find interesting as a way to find more like minded people who are not addicts that I can just enjoy being with. 

The last week has honestly been the least stressed and anxious I've been in a very long time. I know I need to make time for myself and understand what really makes me happy instead of trying to save someone else. I think I've been ready for this for a long time because I have been able to transition easily. I won't lie though, I have had several days where I just cry, but it is short-lived. 

Anyone have any other pointers on what I can do to move on from this terrible experience? Or how I can continue to move forward without feeling like I'm moving backwards? I really feel like I have a new chance at happiness.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

It seems reasonable to cry, even though you are ready to move on. At one point you must have loved him and had dreams of a life with him. You need to grieve that future. 

It sounds like you are on the right path. Cry if you have to (crying releases endorphins which make you feel better) and keep moving forward. There is no right way to do this.


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Yes, I agree you seem to be handling this really well, with healthy insights, self-awareness, and plans.

Stay kind to yourself, and don't beat yourself up if/when there are difficult episodes.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Compartmentalize.....

Have a vision of a future without him. 
In your own place, with your son.
A happy place with 'much' less stress.

Be a day dreamer, if and when needed.
Think of the vacations and weekend getaways you and your son can go on.

When alone, when not alone, play beautiful, inspiring music. It wiil set the mood all day, all night.
Don't watch the news. It just adds to the stress.

Keep posting your thoughts on TAM. You will get many responses if you respond in return.
Open your heart.

SunCMars-


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