# My wife left and took my stepson



## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

My wife and I got together when I had just got out of the military in 2006. She had a son from a previous relationship (age 3) and I had a son(age 3) and a daughter(age 2) from a previous marriage where they were abandoned by their mother and I got full custody. After being together for three years we married in 2009 and I became her sons stepfather and she became my childrens stepmother. We live in NY together and she had developed depression and a severe homesickness for her homestate of Oklahoma. Just a few days ago she presented me with an envelope full of money along with a decision to go back to oklahoma and leave me and my children here in NY. My wife had the only job as I was going to college full time and now I am in a bit of a jam. I dont know how I am going to be able to afford the rent and also afford childcare for my two children unless I find a really great job that can cover the rent for our house. The children are devastated because their mother left and took their brother with them. Im so upset because I love my stepson like he is my own son and I love my wife very much. Ive been raising my stepson since he was 3 and he is now 10 and I am daddy to him. I suppose I am just very heartbroken right now and Im trying to be strong for my kids but its kind of a double whammy about being broke and also losing my wife and son.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Wow... did she say WHY she was leaving? Or did she just up and do this one day without an explanation?


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## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

She said that I should have seen it coming because she was unhappy. I didnt I guess I was oblivious and always hoped that any problems we had would eventually work out (I still do) but shes gone now and unless she comes back I dont know if Ill ever see my son again. Ive been trying to cut down on the emails that I send her because I think they are annoying her and I may be pushing her further away but I miss her and my son terribly. I hope that if I leave her alone she might miss me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Is she receptive to you relocating to Oklahoma with her? You could probably get cheaper schooling there and the prospects for employment would probably be better. And you two could reclaim your whole family.

Is that, in any way, a possibility for you?


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## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

Ive brought up the idea and she is not receptive to it right now. Right now shes angry with me for all the phone calls and the emails that Ive sent her. So hopefully shell have a change of heart if I cut it out. Ive allowed the kids the send her emails whenever they want and also to phone her whenever they want and if she calls I just hand the phone to them without talking to her. She actually just called a few minutes ago and I got to speak to my stepson and tell him I love him and he said he misses me and loves me very much. I didnt talk to her though since I want to give her a break.


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## Stumped2012 (Jul 1, 2012)

My husband is unemployed and drives me nuts. He is the stepfather to my two children and they love him very much so there is no way i would kick my husband out or leave. She seems to me to be very cold hearted? How can she leave her two stepchildren and take away her own son's stepdad?

I just don't get it. She should be doing what is best for the children. Homesick? I don't know... something sounds fishy. I'm sorry for your pain.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Sounds like there are some deeper issues here...


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## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

There are a lot of issues and I actually think I am to blame for most everything. I think I should have been more sensitive to her depression but after a while I just wanted her to snap out of it. That was not the right approach. Right now she is in oklahoma and she wont speak to me at all. I want to fix things. I would love for the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation or counseling or ANYTHING at this point. My kids miss her and email her asking when she is coming back and she says "not anytime soon and be happy". I can understand her frustration with me but how can she go so far away and leave the kids without their stepbrother that theyve known most of their lives? She is the only mother theyve known. Ive been applying to jobs like a madperson hoping that I can land a job that can at least pay for the rent but the clock is ticking. I just applied for food stamps and will try to get any kind of social assistance at least in the meantime. I dont want to but I will. I may have to move from this house and try to find some kind of income based housing if I cant find a good paying job that will allow me to afford daycare and the rent. I just wish I could somehow get through to her and get her to remember the good times and inspire her to fight for our family.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

bizarrodixnarbles said:


> There are a lot of issues and I actually think I am to blame for most everything. I think I should have been more sensitive to her depression but after a while I just wanted her to snap out of it. That was not the right approach. Right now she is in oklahoma and she wont speak to me at all. I want to fix things. I would love for the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation or counseling or ANYTHING at this point. My kids miss her and email her asking when she is coming back and she says "not anytime soon and be happy". I can understand her frustration with me but how can she go so far away and leave the kids without their stepbrother that theyve known most of their lives? She is the only mother theyve known. Ive been applying to jobs like a madperson hoping that I can land a job that can at least pay for the rent but the clock is ticking. I just applied for food stamps and will try to get any kind of social assistance at least in the meantime. I dont want to but I will. I may have to move from this house and try to find some kind of income based housing if I cant find a good paying job that will allow me to afford daycare and the rent. I just wish I could somehow get through to her and get her to remember the good times and inspire her to fight for our family.


You almost sound equally upset losing your income as losing your wife and son. What are you sending her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

I dont care about the income. All this stuff in this house means nothing to me. I just want to get my family back together. The only reason I bring up income is because Im scared of what the two remaing children may have to endure. They do so well in school and now because of this depending on what the outcome is we may have to switch schools. And I dont want them to suffer.


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## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

I got out of the military in 2006 and I ran a store until 2010 when the store was closed because of corporate decision. all of 2010 I stayed home with the children during the summer and took care of them while she worked. I did all of the cooking and the laundry and the housework. I did all of it. I went back to school in 2011 and did extremely well the two semesters that I was able to attend. And now she is gone just like that. I have my two natural born children with me and no income. I have a little bit of money saved up that will allow for a few more months of rent and if I dont fine a job and a way to provide these children with daycare then I am up the creek. So Im not sitting Idly by. Ive been applying to jobs like a mad man but I cannot survive on the minimum amount that the one job offer has given. I need to find something so that I can support the children and hopefully keep them in the same school system they are in without moving. My wife has been very unresponsive about everything. Soon the children will have no health coverage and I need to somehow make things work.Im very frustrated.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Google "Walk Away Wife Syndrome".

They bottle up resentment and plan an exit stategy without any clue given to the spouse. They are unhappy inpart to a mid life like crisis. You will take all the blame, but don't believe it all. Rewritten history helps them justify their radical actions.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Guys always want to "Fix it" but listening without fixing is what they are looking for.....


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## bizarrodixnarbles (Jul 1, 2012)

I dont know. I love her and I love my stepson. I hope they come back. Thoughts of going down there and speaking to her face to face have crossed my mind but if I did that it would probably very well make things worse. She wanted to get away from me. I need to give her what she wants. Maybe shell miss me.


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## heartbrok3n (Jun 5, 2012)

I feel you. My wife took my kids back to her own country, promising she would return in a year, and broke that promise. It has now been more than 2.5 years.

Like you, i'm lost, i miss my kids and wife terribly. I'm not sure if giving your wife the space she seeks will be helpful. IMO, a person who leaves like that must have had planned their departure with deliberation. All you can do now is hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Hope your wife will realize the importance of you and your family as a whole and go home soon. All the best with things


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