# The eve of Wedding Anniversary After infidelity



## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Yeah just kinda needed to vent. Tis the night before our 13th wedding anniversary. And I don't know that I give a rats a** anymore in any way shape or form.

I mean it's not like it's whoo hoo our anniversary now it's all tainted and messed up and I don't even feel like dealing with any part of it.

What does one say to that disloyal spouse when not yet divorced and not reconciled either.

Why oh why do people do stupid things?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

B/c there stupid!

I quess you wont need to worry about doing anything, its just another day. 

Maybe give your self a gift... a reward of sorts...show your self some appreciation for trying to make a marriage work. Maybe just go out and buy your self something special, and for her a coupon for MC ;_)

Seriously, go do something for your self. invite her along if you want, but go treat your self.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Well she's come to the last two MC appointments so maybe a new IC referral and coupon. 
Maybe a rental contract for the apartments down the road ha ....yeah needed to vent.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

My cheating ex Husband asked for divorce 3 days before our 5th wedding anniversary and about a month after I exposed his affair. He made sure he was out of town that day. It was a horrible day that I will never ever forget.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

uggh Like you quote !

No matter what i have to keep interacting with this old toy the youngest is 6.

It willnever cease to amaze me ........well maybe it will.....the level of stupidity and lack of rational thinking that even really smart good people end up having at some point in life.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

unfortunately I have to interact with that low life too. Our child was not even 1 year old when he started the affair.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

I just don't get it. I mean I understand the psychology of it now and i am still learning. But WTF I don't get it. 

His loss to miss all that time with the young one those are the best times sorry you had to have it jaded by his selfishness.


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## bobbie (Jun 1, 2011)

Why do people do stupid things? Some of the answers may be in ‘Truth Games’ Truth Games: Amazon.co.uk: Bobbie Darbyshire: Books It’s the two blazing hot London summers of 75 and 76, and a group of friends are getting way out of their depth in infidelity.


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## SecretTears (Jul 18, 2010)

I had my IC appointment yesterday and my IC said that it is your right to do anything or say anything that will make you feel better (within limits of course but I don't think it applies here). It doesn't look like you want to celebrate with DS, so tell them that. Go do something great for yourself, go our with your friends or you can do nothing, sit at home and watch tv and tell her to get lost. Your choice. You don't have to and shouldn't pretend to be all happy and celebratory. 

I don't know why people do stupid things but judging by this message boards, there are many of them in this world!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, LeAnn Rimes, John Edwards, John Ensign, that Weiner guy, David Letterman, Elliot Spitzer-
They don't strike me as "stupid".

I guess it's true: "Stupid is as Stupid does".


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## Cypress (May 26, 2011)

Get each of you a massage 
By yourself some really nice clothes to show WW how good you can look.
Get dressed up and go out to dinner, if she comes along great, if not, still great.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Our 28th annv was 7wks after I found H's affair. We did nothing to aknowledge the day, because that promise and commitment is done. He broke it, therefore we are starting again. I expect him to someday ask me to marry him when all this is fixed. Which I do expect it to be fixed. At that point we will recommit and then celebrate a new wedding anniversary. We will probably state when asked. "28 yrs and however many renewed." So it might be said like "28 yrs with a 6 yr renewal." Which would be in real time, 34yrs.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

BH1957, 
I like your idea! Im going to do that IF we make it !


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Last night during yet another "long talk" I suggested we privately won't even acknowledge the 2 years during which she turned away from really being in the marriage. So our 11 year anniversary will actually be a 9 year anniversary. Not that it matters. She just doesn't get credit for being here for those two years.

I do like the idea of having a different date to 'celebrate', apart from the original anniversary. That celebration is kinda null & voice in my mind... perhaps better to just do away with it altogether. 

I suppose I'm still too raw at 41 days post DDay to even think about a vow renewal... I can only see me totally triggering in the middle of it, breaking down and asking her sarcastically if she means it, or if she already knows she's lying this time.... yikes.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

We passed the 1 yr discovery date Without much fire. We did acknowledge it. Then when my Birthday in Oct and Anniv in Dec and Christmas passed without a commitment to me, I hit the fan. I had given him an anniversary card that was modified to let him know how I felt and what I wanted for the future. 
His response was a smiling "ya, me too." 
WOW that hurt. how about something in your own words and from the heart. 
I'm still waiting. My feelings are It will happen or I won't stay. Period. That commitment means alot to me.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think the same the anniversary date we used to celebrate can't be anymore, that it stopped in it's tracks by sleeping with someone else's and not forsaking all others..............
The anniversary is to celebrate the words you spoke to the other, what is left to celebrate.......
I think that a renewal of the vows is the only way to change that.....so my marriage vows stopped at 21 and it should be 23 but it was a choice on his part, he does agree it's broken and that a lot of what was ours is no longer...........just one of the things an affair changes.........
I agree you could celebrate for you, you didn't go back on your word and you did the right thing, so treat yourself.........I have not figured out how to answer the question when others ask how long have you been married yet, we sort of did it the wrong way anyway so I guess I will just say, lived together had a couple of kids and then got married.......and leave it at 21 years.........instead of 23....No one will remember how old the kids were .........it will be an honest answer for me........maybe no one will notice it never moves from 21 ...........just something that has changed.....choices of an affair are devastating on many levels.........but it has to mean something to both people and it didn't .........
My husband doesn't like it but he is the one that changed things, he will have to accept his choices .........


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Maybe, if all this can be survived, renew your vows, and let that be the new anniversary?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Haven't heard from you in a while, DB. Is that a good sign?


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

My wife was REAL upset when I suggested we reset the clock to 6 years since she had affairs for 20. I told I now didn't what was real in the last 20 and had no real desire to keep calling it 26. We didn't tell our kids and precious few in her huge family about the As. So w continue to celebrate the date despite my misgivings. A small thing really. But I understand how everyone feels x5 or 10


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Our wedding anniversary is in October. She had better not even DARE mention it!
I think I'll prepare some custard pies just in case.


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