# Is She Cheating or am I Crazy



## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

I have been going through some financial issues and my stress level has been high, I have been coping with anxiety attacks for the past year long story..., I helped a guy out I work with and let him stay with us for awile while he got his new house in order. My wife volenteered to help him clean and fix his house it was a major project.... well in the meantime my wifes deminor changed , started dressing up , makeup and grooming habits I havent seen for a long . The trips to his house were a regular thing. I started to get a bad feeling something was going on. One day she brought my girls up there and i went to get them . she said she need a while to get some more things done. well as i was loading them in the car I happened to look up and could have swore i seen the guys head peak quick though the window. I confronted him later that day, said i was imagining it. well right after that the crap hit the fan she said , i think we need to seperate yadda yadda yadda.... I think it was a deversion tactic but im not sure .. I still dont even know if i seen what i seen..little things happened since then always wondering where i am .. sex life zero...toys missing from bedroom.. you get the picture. She recently told me that the reason she is no longer interested in sex is that shes starting to go through an early metapause,shes 41, said shes gonna see a doctor. Shes been very mean and defensive as of late wont say i love you or hug me .I have been clingy latly I admit that its hard to live with someone with no display of affection. I dont know .. I have no concreate proof and i fell if i tell the guy to have no contact with her that my marriage will self destruct. already accused me of being to controling. The other thing is this guy has a little money and i feel shes using him as a surgar daddy.. this just plain sucks because i need to know for sure if there is an affair. Sure the heck feels like one to me. going to conseling .. said just take more pills ... I know thw source of my issues and it dosnt take a doctor to figure it out. Im trying to stay calm but I work with the guy every day and trust me hes nothing to look at 60 bald and overweight. am i reading to much into this? should i continue to to let her work with him? my anxiety level is at an alltime high, need anwsers and im no detective . I suck at it.. tried believe me. just feel like it will never end and i need it to or my marriage will be over if it isnt already.. thanks


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

It sounds like she is cheating. You need to start gathering evidence. Just a little advice we all think that we are going crazy until we find out the truth.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

bearman said:


> I have been going through some financial issues and my stress level has been high, I have been coping with anxiety attacks for the past year long story..., I helped a guy out I work with and let him stay with us for awile while he got his new house in order. My wife volenteered to help him clean and fix his house it was a major project.... *well in the meantime my wifes deminor changed , started dressing up , makeup and grooming habits I havent seen for a long . **The trips to his house were a regular thing. *I started to get a bad feeling something was going on. One day she brought my girls up there and i went to get them . she said she need a while to get some more things done. well as i was loading them in the car I happened to look up and *could have swore i seen the guys head peak quick though the window. *I confronted him later that day, said i was imagining it. well right after that the crap hit the fan* she said , i think we need to seperate* yadda yadda yadda.... I think it was a deversion tactic but im not sure .. I still dont even know if i seen what i seen..little things happened since then always wondering where i am .. *sex life zero...toys missing from bedroom.*. you get the picture. She recently told me that the reason she is no longer interested in sex is that shes starting to go through an early metapause,shes 41, said shes gonna see a doctor.* Shes been very mean and defensive as of late wont say i love you or hug me *.I have been clingy latly I admit that its hard to live with someone with no display of affection. I dont know .. I have no concreate proof and i fell if i tell the guy to have no contact with her that my marriage will self destruct. *already accused me of being to controling*. The other thing is this guy has a little money and i feel shes using him as a surgar daddy.. this just plain sucks because i need to know for sure if there is an affair. Sure the heck feels like one to me. going to conseling .. said just take more pills ... I know thw source of my issues and it dosnt take a doctor to figure it out. Im trying to stay calm but I work with the guy every day and trust me hes nothing to look at 60 bald and overweight. am i reading to much into this? should i continue to to let her work with him? my anxiety level is at an alltime high, need anwsers and im no detective . I suck at it.. tried believe me. just feel like it will never end and i need it to or my marriage will be over if it isnt already.. thanks


All the bold parts are big red flags!
I'm sure you'll get better advice here from BS who've gone through the same experience.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Sorry that you are here. You are on an infidelity board here so my guess is that most people are going to tell you that she is having an affair. 

You said she asked for a separation. Are you separated? 

I'm not sure what to tell you, but I will bet you'll get a lot of good feedback here. And it helps just to post when you feel like it, and realize you're not alone. 

The one thing I'll say is you might want to look at getting a different counselor. Throwing more pills at you isn't going to help.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Listen you need to look up the CWI newbie thread and read several other posts. I just read one where a woman was going over to aguys house who got his by a car. They ended up having an affair. I mean is the house still not finished? Is there anyone else working in the house but her? I would immediately say look you need to stop going over there if there isn't another woman present. There is nothing wrong with that. She how she reacts to that. The next thing you need to do is get this guys contact info and check your phone records to see how often they call each other. Does the guy live close enough to where she can walk to his house. if not get a VAR and put it in the car. You need to get into her email, and facebook accounts. Since you work with the guy see if you can get into is work email. (whatever you do don't get caught doing this. and if you do this ignore any and all work stuff. even if you find stuff in his work email from your wife. You need to make sure you say you found it on her end not yours)

Given all of your responses I am going to tell you that I am nearly 100% sure your wife is sleeping with this man. However you have no proof and anything you do now. Will not end the A but likely make it harder to find the proof you need to bust this up. I would highly recommend going to the site below. 

The Healing Heart: The 180

start following through with this it is what we call "the 180". It will start to prepare yourself for what is coming while getting your wife to see you in a different way. Please we can only give you advice you have got to start looking for answers.

The link in my thread is to an evidence gathering thread. Please use it ask questions and if you need to PM me and I will help as much as I can.


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

we are still together, she backed off . when i begged ..., feel like and idiot really. talked to some of her relatives andthey told me she has cheated on me many times before... again .. no hard proof.. Her mother was a cronic cheater ( god rest her soul) she had mutipal kids for many different fathers . the ultimate user if you will. My wife is lying to me and has in the past soI really have lost a lot of trust in her. I am not an unattractive person either and i work two jobs that pay pretty well so I really dont understand where she is comming from , sounds like money is the issue as i like i said previously I had some issues and they will be over soon but feel like im being punished ,I raised 4 kids that wernt mine and now have two with her and there only 5. Really want it to work but she is having an affair with my coworker I dont know If i can forgive that , and the kicker is i still have to work next to him every day.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

Man.....Ok. First off. My wife had an affair for 2 years so I know a little something about red flags and a womans behavior. I would be willing to bet my house that she is having an affair. To me there is no logical excuse for her behavior or the things she has been saying to you. You make it sound like you have seen an almost over night change in your wife. This is EXACTLY what happens when they find someone new. 

You need to follow the advise you will receive here with regards to evidence gathering. It is very important to prove she is stepping out on you. I would suggest you not confront her on this anymore until you have the proof you need.

Once you have this proof confront her and tell her you have evidence. She will probably lie about it until you present some of the facts. Don't show her all you have at first. You will need to hold some back for a later time. She will likely admit to a small part of the affair at first. She will try to lie about it to minimize the situation. This is where you show her more. She will realize she has no where to hide and with any luck you will get all of it out of her.

After the admission of guilt come back here and let us help you. The advise you need after exposure will depend on her level of honesty, remorse, and your thoughts regarding continuing or not continuing the marriage.

I wish you luck. Nothing sucks more than finding out your spouse is cheating on you.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

I wanted to clarify something. She may not have slept with him yet. At the very least this is an emotional affair IMO.


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

My wife is a very hard fact type person and tells everyone what she thinks reguardless of there feelings. She will never admit it no matter what i put in front of her. I really just want to tellthe guy to back the heck off no matter the consequenses


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

One other thing I was talking to him told him that a lot of people think shes having and afair with you.. of course he denied it. also told him i contacted a PI to ask his opionion....... guess what was the topic that night....... who you got following me... said one of her friends said it.. ya right. i am at wits end . i showed to many cards and now it will be hard to prove


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

bearman said:


> My wife is a very hard fact type person and tells everyone what she thinks reguardless of there feelings. She will never admit it no matter what i put in front of her. I really just want to tellthe guy to back the heck off no matter the consequenses


Menopause. 41 years old. Yeah. Sure.

My wife started the "menopause" at 45. It turns out it was the contraceptive injections that caused her periods to stop.

Every single thing you said is a massive red flag. Listen to the others on here. Had I took notice of my suspicions my life, my children's lives and my STBXW's life would not be in tatters.

Confront the other man. He will point blank deny it. Make it clear to him that if he so much as *looks* at your wife, you will drag him to court. Either as a respondent in the divorce - that WILL happen if this carries on, or using one of those American laws that mean you can sue people for ruining your life.

Be VERY HARD and DECISIVE. 

Whilst you're at it, tell your wife you know what she's up to and that you are divorcing her.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> It sounds like she is cheating. You need to start gathering evidence. Just a little advice we all think that we are going crazy until we find out the truth.


This....your suspicious start investigating. Be careful and be suddle.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

bearman said:


> One other thing I was talking to him told him that a lot of people think shes having and afair with you.. of course he denied it. also told him i contacted a PI to ask his opionion....... guess what was the topic that night....... who you got following me... said one of her friends said it.. ya right. i am at wits end . i showed to many cards and now it will be hard to prove


In a way, you haven't shown too many cards. You have simply proven what you suspect. Go with your HEAD - not your heart. She is having an affair and the guy is a douche.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

bearman said:


> One other thing I was talking to him told him that a lot of people think shes having and afair with you.. of course he denied it. also told him i contacted a PI to ask his opionion....... guess what was the topic that night....... who you got following me... *said one of her friends said it*.. ya right. i am at wits end . i showed to many cards and now it will be hard to prove


Technically that's true. He's her "friend".


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I agree that you need to quit begging. Read up on the 180 and also some of the other stuff here in CWI. Know what the fog is - she's in it.

I am so sorry you're here.


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

Thanks for the responces so far this has only reinforced my suspisions, In my heart I believe its true. so i will try to gather evidence and at least try for some closer . I need to know. I have lost 20 #s and feel like crap. my work is suffering andreally feel like there is no one to turn to , but desprate times calls for desprate measures , one way or another i will get my anwsers I will not play the fool anymore


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

You have your answers. I don't want to be rude - but seriously what do you need - a live video feed?

Every day you wait is another day your wife is almost certainly having sex with another man. Another day she is replacing you with him in her thoughts, actions and heart. Another day further away from reconciliation and towards divorce.

Your wife and this idiot she has fallen for will deny everything in any case. What level of evidence will they admit to?

Act NOW. (Please !)


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

HOPE 1964 I am sorry im here also.. just so sad


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

Chris I get it really.. hes gone for a few days but monday crap will hit fan


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

Well, real quick. Answer this. Let's just assume your wife is cheating on you. If she admitted to it and apoligized to you and said she would never do it again. Would you want her back?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Exsquid said:


> Well, real quick. Answer this. Let's just assume your wife is cheating on you. If she admitted to it and apoligized to you and said she would never do it again. Would you want her back?


I see your point here, but I don't think you can know the answer to that until the moment your heart is trying to escape your chest, you want to die and you can't believe your life has been shattered.

It's at that point you know whether you will have your spouse back and not before.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

I wasn't really asking because I was going to offer him advise about trying to get her back. My point in asking was actually quite the opposite. If he already knows without a shadow of a doubt he will divorce her if he gets proof of an affair. He could just cut his ties now. And/or seek particular evidence for use in any court. Whether it be for child custody or property rights, some evidence may be necessary.


Some people already know before DD if they will divorce if an affair is uncovered. I just thought he might be one of those who "already has all he needs" to leave now, but he was seeking proof for any legal reason.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Exsquid said:


> I wasn't really asking because I was going to offer him advise about trying to get her back. My point in asking was actually quite the opposite. If he already knows without a shadow of a doubt he will divorce her if he gets proof of an affair. He could just cut his ties now. And/or seek particular evidence for use in any court. Whether it be for child custody or property rights, some evidence may be necessary.
> 
> 
> Some people already know before DD if they will divorce if an affair is uncovered. I just thought he might be one of those who "already has all he needs" to leave now, but he was seeking proof for any legal reason.


I was only saying that because I always said even a kiss would mean immediate divorce. It wasn't until the situation happened that I realised I *could* accept her back.

I wouldn't want the chap to take action he might regret.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> I was only saying that because I always said even a kiss would mean immediate divorce. It wasn't until the situation happened that I realized I *could* accept her back.
> 
> I wouldn't want the chap to take action he might regret.



I was just like you. I am trying to R now. I was just offering another perspective. I certainly didn't want to confuse or sway him in any one direction.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Wait....HER family said she's done this to you before????

Proceed directly to divorce court. DO NOT stop at MC. Do not collect $200.00


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## here2learn (Aug 23, 2012)

Assume she's cheating and make plans for a life without her as your wife. If you're wrong, or if she comes cleans and you decide to reconcile, great. But get prepared NOW for the realistic possibility that your wife is cheating and truly wants to leave you. Protect yourself and get your sh*t together.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> I see your point here, but I don't think you can know the answer to that until the moment your heart is trying to escape your chest, you want to die and you can't believe your life has been shattered.
> 
> It's at that point you know whether you will have your spouse back and not before.


Excellently worded, Chris.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I think you need to really, really take stock of your situation. I would also bet my house that she is cheating. Given her family history, what her family told you, and her current behaviour I believe your wife has likely got a serious problem. This isn't something that will be easily fixed. Reconciliation is difficult at the best of times, this will make it way harder. Do you really want to put yourself through that?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

bearman said:


> we are still together, she backed off . when i begged ..., feel like and idiot really. *talked to some of her relatives andthey told me she has cheated on me many times before.*.. again .. no hard proof.. Her mother was a cronic cheater ( god rest her soul) she had mutipal kids for many different fathers . the ultimate user if you will. My wife is lying to me and has in the past soI really have lost a lot of trust in her. I am not an unattractive person either and i work two jobs that pay pretty well so I really dont understand where she is comming from , sounds like money is the issue as i like i said previously I had some issues and they will be over soon but feel like im being punished ,I raised 4 kids that wernt mine and now have two with her and there only 5. Really want it to work but she is having an affair with my coworker I dont know If i can forgive that , and the kicker is i still have to work next to him every day.


Her own relative have told you that she has had many affairs and you refuse to believe it???? Really???? You didn't even ask them how they knew or who were the men involved or when it happened??? All you can say is they did not have hard proof.

Your wife is a serial cheater and yes, your wife is banging the co-worker. But you will keep your head in the sand until someone can produce a video of them having sex.

Good luck - you're gonna need it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You , me, and all of us know shes screwing around.

I think come monday nothing should hit the fan...I mean act like this is all good pretend it was just your crap getting in the way and as far as your lodlday and her POS boyfriend ...all is good.

With a smile on your face its time to get real stealthy here and set up a plan. VAR's (voice activated recorders) some hidden cames and if you have the dough hire a PI.

My point is once they think they have you fooled you can gather the proof you need. Validation in the next steps you need to take. Confirmation that justifies your next action.

For some guys they don't need the smoking gun, but for other its that smoking gun that justifies there attact plan in moving on.

So go James Bond and get what you need to move on.

This crap is atticting so after a few days apart they will be dying to be with each other...let it play out just make sure you have a colvert plan set up for Monday.

You will never get the ansewrs you seek by throwing sh!t at the fan...it will cool of and the affair will start up in a different way with different means later down the road.

You can bust this wide open if you play your cards right and stop showing your hand.

Again someguys need that smoking gun so they can move on with out second guessing that choice to bail.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Nothing will happen on Monday because he does not have the "hard proof" he required. He does not have hard proof because he refuses to look for it.

OP - the day your wife told you she was alone in the house and you thought you saw OMs head looking from the window - what did you do? Drive away? If she was supposed to be alone and you thought you saw a man in the window, did it not cross your mind that she could be in danger? Of course it didn't, because deep down you KNOW what is going on - even without the hard proof.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Point is, and we all know it already, you should bail. Cut your losses, get your **** together, protect your kids and cut her loose. She is going to be a continuous slow motion train wreck. and you just don't have to be a bigger part of it than you already are.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Nothing will happen on Monday because he does not have the "hard proof" he required. He does not have hard proof because he refuses to look for it.
> 
> *OP - the day your wife told you she was alone in the house and you thought you saw OMs head looking from the window - what did you do? Drive away? If she was supposed to be alone and you thought you saw a man in the window, did it not cross your mind that she could be in danger? Of course it didn't, because deep down you KNOW what is going on - even without the hard proof.*


Why does this happen ? As you say, it's there but they refuse to "pull the trigger" and know once and for all.

If they 'know' then the will have to take action and that's too stressful.


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## my_marriage_troubles (Sep 21, 2012)

bearman said:


> we are still together, she backed off . when i begged ..., feel like and idiot really. talked to some of her relatives andthey told me she has cheated on me many times before... again .. no hard proof.. Her mother was a cronic cheater ( god rest her soul) she had mutipal kids for many different fathers . the ultimate user if you will. My wife is lying to me and has in the past soI really have lost a lot of trust in her. I am not an unattractive person either and i work two jobs that pay pretty well so I really dont understand where she is comming from , sounds like money is the issue as i like i said previously I had some issues and they will be over soon but feel like im being punished ,I raised 4 kids that wernt mine and now have two with her and there only 5. Really want it to work but she is having an affair with my coworker I dont know If i can forgive that , and the kicker is i still have to work next to him every day.


it sounds like it runs in her family. she dont desurve another chance. the best way is to move on and worry about urself. im pretty sure its gonne be hard working next to him but dont worry just smile and do wat u do. shes probably gonna do the samething to him. its not worth the stess. thats good that u cought her sooner.you will find sum one down the road but thats when ur ready.and know that she is the one. but now worry about u and your kids.. dnt beg either. its not worth it trust me.. just find a hobby or sumthing that will keep ur mind buissy. good luck


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who told you that she had multiple affairs? Looks lik she got with you for the stability and income you provide. Her family's history is disastrous. Look at the mother to see how the daughter will turn out to be. How did you miss all these signs ?


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## shenox (Sep 12, 2012)

seems like she is cheating and you are not crazy.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

The fact that you are suffering the high end anxiety levels is an issue to you to start with. These cause the sufferer to be somewhat intence and im afraid reactive (I speak as a sufferer). There are a range of trggers syou are encountering outside those of the money issues which I suspect kicked these off anyway. 

In dealing with a W that is (IMO) playing away from home you need to now start to look at tangible evidence gathering, focus on a plan and NOt on the are thye are they not and if they are are they doing thid than and the other. This is a real adrenaline pump as I suspect it feels like your heart is about to burst through your chest when certain thoughts pass through.

Using the evidence gathering start to formulate a plan of what YOU are going to do, begging is NOT going to work if your W is cheating as she will lie through it. You are also fighting 2 people, him and her. This is clear by the comment that was brought back to you by your wife about being followed. Yes, use the OM, feed him information that only he knows (she'll find out) but make that information non specific to what is actually being seen by you, that is opposite to what you want her to know - Your wife will look for this and of cousre when she focused on that you are building evidence of what is actual. get legal advice NOW. Know what you can do, may need to do and shouldnt do. Again this will inform your future plan and then it will help pull down the adrenaline bursts. You need that control so that you stop imagining what could be happeneing and instead see what is happening. Keep your own council. Outside you and any legal advisor (or councillor for your condition) talk about this to no one, that way your W and the OM will not be told real plans. It may be difficult to pull back some of this as youve shown some key cards (the issue about the PI).


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

The day I left her there and seen him peeking . I knew he was there. They were WORKING , right I think that was when it really hit home. I where my heart on my sleeve and at sometimes easy to read . I am working on changing that as right now its getting in the way. You are right the other times I found about one was with a well know band member,, hes a drummer in the C--H band (country), gave her a phone.. that wasnt hard to figure.. the othe was with an old man who was teaching her gutiar . I was suspecting it in both.. I was stupid. I get it and I WAS warned . still no hard evidence . head in sand as they say


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

WOW.. she just accused be of wanting to put up cameras said my daughters (5 years old)said it this morning... first of all dont have them to put up other than for wildlife observation . there to big andnot suited for such things. second of all didnt mention cameras at all in i dont know how long . plus yesterday accused me of driving by her girl friends house to spy on her , which is the second time in three weeks. Really sounds like someones feeding her crap and shes getting paronoid. Really if you think about it why would i drive by her GF house with my car ?? give me a break. I feel shes trying to set me up for something.I also believe the GF of hers is in on the other relationship. The GF was in a money sugardaddy relationship for sometime till the guy got wise and realized he was being used.I really think nobody could write a soap opera as good as whats going on now. I am not doing anything stupied to get myself in trouble but she is coming out with this stuff and its coming from somewhere. Plus a few minutes ago she told me shes done and shes leaving, told her thats fine, two min after that said if you dont quit il really leave???? WOW do i really need to start my day off so well. She really has issues right now and i believe shes looking for ways to make me look bad. could be wrong but... 

I told herI I really dont care where she goes and what she does. I REALLY DONT CARE ANYMORE, I am done feeling anything for her at this point and untill this is setteled one way or another. I have to heal . shes gotta face reality


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

you all were right..... shes cheating got smoking gun........ they kidding about getting rid of me . hope id leave... what a day


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bearman said:


> you all were right..... shes cheating got smoking gun........ they kidding about getting rid of me . hope id leave... what a day


Sorry to hear that. What is your next move expose him at work? You don't leave she can leave!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Expose to everyone high and low.

Contact lawyer and file divorce papers.

She has played you for a fool for so long I wouldn't even mention anything to her. Just have her served.


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

sorry man. Blow the chit wide open. If i could offer any advice at all, its go hard, and fast! 

I would have a hell of time restraining myself from the OM at work too. Keep your head on ya at all times.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Expose the affair and start doing your own damage control.

Your best option right now is to be calm and indifferent, get a VAR and keep it on you just in case she tries to falsly accuse you and calls the cops.

Talk to a lawyer and know your rights.

Just becarefull they will push your bottons and make false aqusations. Tell your work about the affair and expose it to your HR Dept. Hell expose it to everyone. 

The oppisite of love is indifference, so always stay calm and stop spending any energy like anger on this women. The more you distance your self the more you will gain control over your self.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

TDSC60 said:


> Expose to everyone high and low.
> 
> Contact lawyer and file divorce papers.
> 
> She has played you for a fool for so long I wouldn't even mention anything to her. Just have her served.


:iagree:

Go dark and now is the time to be a few steps ahead of your WW, instead of a few steps behind.

Never show your cards.

Have you confronted her with this new smoking gun?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> they kidding about getting rid of me


Protect yourself. Be 2 steps ahead her every time.
She's am unrepetant serial cheater. Plan your life without her.
Exposure might help you. Choose wisely the timing if you are going to expose.


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

unfortunatly I told the wrong person , the sun before my last post I found evidence that they slept together in my own house. and i told a few people.. well **** hit the fan on mon and she knew i taped her... she said she knew she was being taped and it was all to teach me a leson... YA RIGHT. should have heard what was on it. my heart droped and I started breaking down. she spoke of plans and a lot of things... the OM did not say he loved her at any point... even tho she tried to get him to say it several times.. He is using her I can see that.. he is a scumbag , They know they been caught and she knows I dont buy into the (doing it to teach him a lesson thing) heck she even apologised for doing it ..said it was cruel.. Right at this minute when i am typing this she is over to his house right now.... Im at work and he took asick day... go figure


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

As far as exposure... everyone knows now... I have to work with the guy for 3 more years.. but in 1 more year there is a very real possibility I could be his boss. Im hanging in there at this point tho right now i feel like crap.I coulds say more but he uses this work computer im on and has been checking the history and reporting it to her. so i dont know if hes been reading this. Right now i feel betrayed in the biggest order , by a friend i opened my house to and my wife.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Can you not get him fired? have you confronted him? it could be possible that he keylogged your computer..


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

he dont dare keylog a company comp. no we are a union work place but a couple years of me as boss... well.. I know he dont want her she comes with so much baggage its unbelivable. I sure right now he has a little, damn i scewed up , going on . people say let him have her , he is doing you a favor. I believe that because I know he realizes that shes in it for the securiety not the sex. Hes not dumb, but she has a tendency to fly off the handle and search for anwsers as soon as she realises someones onto her.. thats how i discovered the whole thing


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

dont know how people get through this knowing that there is a good possibility that ther doing something right now, really eats you up


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bearman said:


> he dont dare keylog a company comp. no we are a union work place but a couple years of me as boss... well.. I know he dont want her she comes with so much baggage its unbelivable. I sure right now he has a little, damn i scewed up , going on . people say let him have her , he is doing you a favor. I believe that because I know he realizes that shes in it for the securiety not the sex. Hes not dumb, but she has a tendency to fly off the handle and search for anwsers as soon as she realises someones onto her.. thats how i discovered the whole thing


Why not pack her [email protected] up and drop it off at his house. Tell her go live with him I'm done and finding someone else and have a good life because I know I will!


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

I think the advice here amid all the posts in simple.

Your putting yourself through hell. Youve heard the evidence, she admitted having sex with him to teach you a lesson , thats still cheating simple as that. I support Acabado in their advice, Get the advice, get the evidence and hide it all quickly, set up a new account for your finances and then time it right and drop the bomb making sure the OM gets it as well A well times mail to the boss saying youve tried to sort out these issues without involving the company and bringing its name in to disrupute but the pair have been up to no go, people are seeing it and they are now using company equipemnt to further their affair (a boss will REALLY love that one) so youve now run out of options anhave to take legal action against the pair but feel it right to warn the boss so that the compant name is kept secure. (dont you love a loyal employee) , then set out all the evidence and make it public serve orders at the same time and make sure everyone and their son knows what happend. You better off with her belongings in black plastic trash bags dumped outside the OM's house and where she had better move quickly incase the local charity that loves donated clothing collects it (that normally causes some rapid movement)


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

You misunderstood me .. she still admits NOTHING.. says it was a setup to trap me. That there was no sex involved. knew she was being watched ya right... truth be told i backed off for awile and got a hunch and put things in place for a few hours and this is what i got.. imagon what was going on before. I am working on things and advice , meanwhile i trust nobody at this point. I didnt catch her having sex I caught her talking about them having sex


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## bearman (Sep 20, 2012)

Believe me the boss knows everything along with everyone that works here


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bearman said:


> You misunderstood me .. she still admits NOTHING.. says it was a setup to trap me. That there was no sex involved. knew she was being watched ya right... truth be told i backed off for awile and got a hunch and put things in place for a few hours and this is what i got.. imagon what was going on before. I am working on things and advice , meanwhile i trust nobody at this point. I didnt catch her having sex I caught her talking about them having sex


I would take off during lunch to see if she's there if she is do what Pault said pack her stuff up drop them off at his place you are putting yourself through hell! Or if you want if she says nothing is going on have her do a polygraph by her reaction you will know.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

bearman said:


> Believe me the boss knows everything along with everyone that works here


Is the boss ok with this?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So the boos know OM took a sick day to be with your wife?

Well that wouldn't sit well with me if I was a boss....knowing one of my guys was calling in sick to screw around. Plus the production impact it has at work.

Personal level aside your boss, is making a big mistake by not taking action in some way to insure the work place is not effected.

So everyone is at work taking about this drama and not working..............interesting place you work at!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> So the boos know OM took a sick day to be with your wife?
> 
> Well that wouldn't sit well with me if I was a boss....knowing one of my guys was calling in sick to screw around. Plus the production impact it has at work.
> 
> ...


Yea if I was a boss this would not fester, wow!


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## fallensoldier (May 6, 2012)

Ummmm --- please do yourself a favor and throw this sorry excuse of a woman to the curb. You deserve so much more. Pack her sh!t, throw her out and tell her it's just a "temporary set-up to teach her a lesson". 

Good luck. And I'm sorry you're here.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

the guy said:


> So the boos know OM took a sick day to be with your wife?
> 
> Well that wouldn't sit well with me if I was a boss....knowing one of my guys was calling in sick to screw around. Plus the production impact it has at work.
> 
> ...


Read the newbie thread and escalate this to HR .

Your wife and the OM behave the way they do because they do not fear you, its time you affected his job and livelihood. It then becomes a gamechanger and his thrill of your wife will disappear. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Newbie link above
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Id knock on his door and make him an offer he cant refuse.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

bearman said:


> Believe me the boss knows everything along with everyone that works here


How about your and her families/friends?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Cut her off financially, and you need to go to HR and report a complaint.

The guy is abusing sick time to have an affair with your wife.

Have her pay for a polygraph if she says she's not having sex with him,

Oh, and grab her panties from today and have a semen test done one them.

Make sure to let the coworkers you work with know what the OM is pulling so they'll put the screws on him at work..


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Cut her off financially, and you need to go to HR and report a complaint.
> 
> The guy is abusing sick time to have an affair with your wife.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

And move her out today. She obviously was fixing up her new home so I think she should live there with posom.


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## kiran (Oct 24, 2012)

dude you got a b!tch not a wife. run while you can. these are the worst type. you will never get the apology you deserve, so do not even try to walk the reconciliation path. find a woman who will take care of you. good luck


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