# Lack of good sex



## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Hello all! 

I hope that you can help me. I am in my late 20s and have been married for almost 4 years. My husband is in his early 30s and we have no kids. I love my husband very much, but we are having some problems..

One problem we are currently having is his lack of desire for sex. He says it is not me and that this has happened to him before. That he goes through periods of time where he isn't interested in sex. Is this normal? How can I help my man snap out of this?

My second problem is that I have never had an orgasm. When I try to talk to him about it he says he has "tried" to give me one and that he has been able to give his previous girlfriends orgasms. He says I am too difficult to please and that I have a sexual problem. I think that his negativity about the subject has to do with him being embarrassed. How can I get him to over come this so that we can work on this problem? I should note that I am much less sexually inexperienced than him and I do believe that is part of the problem. 

So what do you think? Any pointers?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Country Apple said:


> Hello all!
> 
> I hope that you can help me. I am in my late 20s and have been married for almost 4 years. My husband is in his early 30s and we have no kids. I love my husband very much, but we are having some problems..
> 
> ...


So there are two issues here that are inter-related... you having orgasms and is current low libido. You cannot work on his low libido unless he can articulate things you can do. You can work on your own orgasm issues. This could be putting pressure on him by the way.

Have you had orgasms otherwise?

How does he try to give you orgasms? Only penetration? Manually? (If you are not comfortable about writing this in the forum you could send a private message.)

How much foreplay does he egage in?

My ex got to a point that he told me that my orgasms where not his responsibility. Hm… I found that interesting since he seemed to think that his were my responsibility as he was having sex with me to achieve them.


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Thanks for responding. 

I have never had an orgasm with a man but can on my own. I don't have any idea how he tries to give me an orgasm other than having sex with me. There is absolutely no foreplay and I can't convince him to do it. Basically sex involves him doing what he wants and how he wants.

I know I am stressing him out about it, but I want to have good sex with him and I don't understand why he is so stubborn.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Country Apple said:


> Thanks for responding.
> 
> I don't have any idea how he tries to give me an orgasm other than having sex with me. There is absolutely no foreplay and I can't convince him to do it. Basically sex involves him doing what he wants and how he wants.


this may be why you cant.


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes, I know this is a large part of the problem. Is anyone else dealing with something similar or have gone through something similar? I need advice. I love my husband and want to fix this problem.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Country Apple said:


> Yes, I know this is a large part of the problem. Is anyone else dealing with something similar or have gone through something similar? I need advice. I love my husband and want to fix this problem.


you need to find some way to get him more involved and concerned about your enjoyment too.
tell him you need more before hand.
does he try and help you along with oral?
i dont know how you can do this besides a talk when no sex is involved as well as maybe try and incorporate it into things when sex is just getting started but try and make it fun, not not being accusing.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

For me...having an O is easy peasy on my own.
Fairly easy with oral from H.
Real difficult but not impossible from intercourse. BUT I need HEAPs of foreplay/oral and need to be just about bursting out of my skin to achieve it.

Just my experience... i'd suggest you ask for longer foreply.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

waiwera said:


> Just my experience... i'd suggest you ask for longer foreply.


that would be nice but it sounds like if he just touched her before hand it WOULD be longer foreplay. she says she gets none.
she needs to find a way to make him understand women for the most part need it.
sounds like he doesnt understand that it should be fun for him too to do that.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

some people are just lousey lovers.

its ignorance mixed in with a little of selfishness.

plus it isn't pleasent being told your not sealing the deal for your woman.

I would not let this slide.tell him sex is starting to be boring because your not reaching the finish line.tell him you love him so much and just want to be able to orgasm with him.offer to show him how by masterbating in front of him so he sees what you like.

I know Its embarrassing to do but maybe you could say I'd like to watch how you do it then you can watch how i do it then we can do it to each other.

or you could help your self out with rubbing clit as you have sex.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I suppose the problems are interwined. He doesnt like hearing youre not satisfied and that turns him off. You dont exactly say what you want him to do and perhaps you dont know. I think you will have to wait till he is 'on' again anyway. You really have to ask him how he expects you get over your 'problem' without his help.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You could stimulate yourself first before having sex with him or buy a rabbit vibrator and use that before hand to get yourself stimulated.

My husband and I do not have a lot of time for foreplay or him pleasing me with penetration alone. A lot of times I will stimulate myself before hand, usually with a vibrating toy. We make sure the kids are preoccupied before heading in the bedroom and locking the door. We have sex so frequently, we try and hurry up before the kids knock on the door. We do not wait for them to be sleeping, I'd be zonked out myself since I'm up so early.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Country Apple said:


> I have never had an orgasm with a man but can on my own. I don't have any idea how he tries to give me an orgasm other than having sex with me. There is absolutely no foreplay and I can't convince him to do it. Basically sex involves him doing what he wants and how he wants.


Most women do not have orgasms via intercourse. And most women require a lot of foreplay. If your husband thinks it’s too much work then he has not discovered yet how to make love to a woman. What he does do is to take care of himself… he’s being very selfish. 

One thing that works is for you to stimulate yourself while he in your.. that works very well. There are even small vibrators you can use for that kind of sex play.

You might find that playing more during sex could solve some of this. For example the two of you taking turns watching each other masturbate.. you could teach him what you need by doing this. 

Search the internet for things to do that make sex more fun and playful. (I don’t mean to go to porn sites.)

You could get some sex books or videos that talk about different kinds of sex play, fore play, etc. 

The more you have orgasms during sex with him, the easier it will be for you to achieve them. But he has to be willing to work with you. 


Country Apple said:


> I know I am stressing him out about it, but I want to have good sex with him and I don't understand why he is so stubborn.


My ex was like this… he did not care to hear me tell him what I needed. Instead he thought he knew. It was pretty frustrating. He never could get through this and pay attention to my actual needs.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think yOur second problem might actually be a big part of your first problem.
Perhaps your husband feels inadequate sexually with you because he's unable to get you to Orgasm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I think yOur second problem might actually be a big part of your first problem.
> Perhaps your husband feels inadequate sexually with you be ause he's unable to get you to Orgasm.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know... sounds like he does not even try to get her there.... not even any foreplay.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

As a couple you've fallen into a cycle of silence and shame. Both of you sound fairly inexperienced, inept even. Truly it doesn't sound like something that a bunch of open minded sexual education and experimentation couldn't address with some success. Think of it this way - what's worse, what you have you now or sometimes feeling awkward trying to do something that doesn't work compared to the other nine things that work great?

A gentlemen always goes down and stays down till his lady is swallowing her own tongue. A proper lady will be a freak in opera gloves in the coat closet if need be.


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Country Apple said:


> Thanks for responding.
> 
> I have never had an orgasm with a man but can on my own. I don't have any idea how he tries to give me an orgasm other than having sex with me. There is absolutely no foreplay and I can't convince him to do it. Basically sex involves him doing what he wants and how he wants.
> 
> I know I am stressing him out about it, but I want to have good sex with him and I don't understand why he is so stubborn.


Does he go down on you? Lots of women can't have orgasm from penetration alone, but I've yet to meet one that I haven't been able to make climax via oral (though I know some can't).

If he really wants to get you there, he needs to try that. And a big part of it is conveying that he WANTS to do that to you and that he LOVES doing it. That way you're in the state of mind to relax and let it happen, too.


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