# How to move on



## Omoiyari1985 (May 31, 2014)

My wife and I just had the talk that I have feared for months but knew it was coming. My wife who is bipolar just got out of a inpatient stint at a hospital on Monday. Apparently she met someone in there he is a amazing guy she says. We have technically been separated for about 3 weeks due to a affair that occurred earlier this year.

I know a lot of people well good for you. You get to start looking for what you deserve, and I'll be better off without her. But it hurts so much to think of it and to want to go on. I've been trying to be strong but the day actually arrived. Hell's I just found out that I'm apparently not her type anymore either. Which is even more devastating.

I don't know what is the first step to moving on. I'm feeling so down, we talked and pretty much agreed that we would be good friends.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Omoiyari1985 said:


> My wife and I just had the talk that I have feared for months but knew it was coming. My wife who is bipolar just got out of a inpatient stint at a hospital on Monday. Apparently she met someone in there he is a amazing guy she says. We have technically been separated for about 3 weeks due to a affair that occurred earlier this year.
> 
> I know a lot of people well good for you. You get to start looking for what you deserve, and I'll be better off without her. But it hurts so much to think of it and to want to go on. I've been trying to be strong but the day actually arrived. Hell's I just found out that I'm apparently not her type anymore either. Which is even more devastating.
> 
> I don't know what is the first step to moving on. I'm feeling so down, we talked and pretty much agreed that we would be good friends.


Get yourself to a counselor and rebuild your self worth. Once you look back on what she has done to you, with a clear head, you will not care to be friends with her and thank the stars it is over. 

She just dumped you for a guy she met in the looney bin that she has known for days. Snap out of it. Damaged does not even begin to describe her.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I was you 7 months ago Omoiyari1985.

Here's how you let go:

1. GO TO IC!

2. Read the stories on TAM...there are many on here with the same situations that we are/were in.

3. NO CONTACT!...you're going to fail at this initially. Pick yourself up and start over.

4. EXERCISE! EXERCISE! EXERCISE!

5. Read "Letting Go" a book on Amazon...it helped me

6. Join a Meet-Up group, get out, be social

7. If you have children...focus on them too...they're probably hurting more than you know.

8. Continue IC!

9. Keep us updated on your progress...to include your failures and sucesses.

10. Don't be surprised after you do all of these things (it will take a few months...maybe more) that she will come back to you....once you've been through this process...perhaps you will see you deserve better.

Good luck brother.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

First don’t agree to be good friends, at least not now in the short term. It will only allow the emotional bond you have towards her attached. You need some distance from the situation to get some perspective and see what really going on. 

Its not easy but just as you need to learn to live without her, she needs to see life without you. You will start to realize once you give yourself some distance away from her and the emotions start to calm down a little just how you have been more of a caretaker than a loving partner.

The first step is you cant fix her, you cant help her unless she wants your help and wants to be helped overall. Until this happens you can do nothing and most never do.


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## Omoiyari1985 (May 31, 2014)

Thanks for the advice the distance will be hard.

I already have a IC, he was our marriage counselor for 3 sessions and has quit a bit of knowledge on bipolar disorder. I get to see him tomorrow so that is kind of perfect timing.

I know I deserve better but I get stuck in that codependent mode of trying to save her from herself.

Went jogging tonight, so I've began the exercising part so that's a check.

I look into reading the book "Letting go"

Thanks for the advice, I can't lie I am looking forward to the day she tries to come back and I reject her.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

My wife tried to put me in the friends zone after d-day no 2 following our fake R. I said "I do too" but only because I don't want the D to get sloppy, which it probably will anyway , they get angry when you start to detach, lol. It's a lose lose.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Bipolar condition is an excuse for her to go out and bang any guy that gives her butterflies. It's complete horse ****. The full detachment 180 is in required ASAP for you, don't take her bait anymore. She will try to keep you on as a backup plan, but don't let her. Join a CODA group, you will build some friendships of folks going though similar relationship issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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