# I don't know what to do



## Galaxia (Aug 8, 2012)

I been with this guy 6 years now, from the time I was 16/17 and am now 23. This is what's going on, and I don't know if I am wrong in saying this, but is it time to call it quits? I tried talking to him, what do you think. Are we too different? Thanks in advance!

1. No passion, I know after you been with someone for a while you lose some of it, but all of it? We don't kiss, and when we do its not the same for me. He drools, and I kinda can't wait for it to be over; this may be tmi, but this applies to bedroom activities as well. When we do.. things its straight to business, or he will play with me until I.. ya and than he does what he wants. no fun.

2. I am returning to my religion, when we got together I was young/confused about religion and how I felt. He is Atheist and always has been, and thinks religion is disgusting.

3. we do nothing together, unless you count watching TV before bed. No mutual friends, no going out for bowling, nothing. He is a hermit, I am social.

4. Lack of communication in general, we don't really talk much, I'm not even sure how to talk to him about anything anymore. when I do it's to let him know, or I feel like I have to ask him to go out and have friends. I feel like a minor at times. This also cause lies to happen, and more fighting.

5. He also drinks every night, which I see no reason to, but I let that be.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

All things considered, it sounds like the two of you have a fairly typical relationship.

Don't break up with him thinking you can do any better out there.

Remember, the grass is always greener.


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## Sunshine33 (Aug 4, 2012)

Instead of talking to him, have you tried showing him? 

In the bedroom, have you tried to initiate what you want or suggest you try something different? Or say "let's try this" and see if he is willing to participate?

Since he is comfortable watching tv, make plans and ask him to join you. If he says no, go anyway. Be social, but give him the option to be included. 

If you are always telling him that he has no friends, is no fun, and you have nothing in common anymore, that can be really disheartening. Try talking to him about something else. Get involved in a tv show together and talk about that. You have to start somewhere. Does he play cards or do you have a wii/kinect/video game you guys could play together? Sounds silly but it's something you can do together besides watch tv. 

I can't tell if you are saying you lie to him or if he lies to you, but if you are the one lying you need to stop. 

You only listed negative things about your boyfriend of 6 years. Write down the reasons why you like him and focus on that for a little while, your perception of him is a very negative one which I'm sure he can sense.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By Galaxia*
> 
> *Are we too different? *Thanks in advance!
> 
> ...


Galaxia
You asked “Are we too different?”

*The differences that you have are HUGE and full of warning signs!*

You are young and can get into a relationship that is MUCH better and without all the major differences.

*Make a plan, build yourself up so that you will not compromise or cave in, then get away from this relationship that has almost nothing going for it and a WHOLE lot of bad signs*

If you stay with this guy you will be the one that will suffer the consequences. You are very lucky in that you do not have a lot of the traps that some people do such as having children and being totally dependant on him for your financial means. You maybe emotionally trapped but that can be broken if you do what is best for you right now.


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

You cannot change him. All you can do is change yourself. Tell him what you expect. Do all you can despite your feelings and if at the end of day you don't get what you want then leave.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Galaxia
> You asked “Are we too different?”
> 
> *The differences that you have are HUGE and full of warning signs!*
> ...


This.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

kindi said:


> All things considered, it sounds like the two of you have a fairly typical relationship.
> 
> Don't break up with him thinking you can do any better out there.
> 
> Remember, the grass is always greener.


The grass is always greener......positivity is the key to happiness. :smthumbup:


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## Galaxia (Aug 8, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> The grass is always greener......positivity is the key to happiness. :smthumbup:


I know the old saying, but I don't know about it applying to this. We talked about our issues, and he thinks everything is fine the way it is, and is saying I am being emotional about it.  He hopes my choice to re-open my arms to god will fade like a bad habbit..


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

For many people, myself included, the person you dated at 16 is not who you want or need at 23, the one at 23 might not even be right for a LTR or marriage etc.

Could it be that you have grown up and changed, and he has just stayed the same?

If i had married the guy i was with at 18 or 23....i would be divorced by now. I know that doesn't apply to everyone, but you have been with one guy through a huge growth period as a person.

If he feels everything is just fine...and you REALLY don't...big red flag right there. You cannot change him, but you do need to be honest with yourself, and him, about whether this relationship is good for you or stifling you.

This isn't about the grass being greener...it's about are the two of you still compatible for a continued LTR?

Hiding and restraining the real you and the things you want to do isn't going to work...neither is doing everything without him.

Sounds like he makes a decent room mate though...


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

Franc,

I think you are stupid. You know what the key to successful long term relationship is? It is sexual attraction. Period.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Galaxia said:


> I know the old saying, but I don't know about it applying to this. We talked about our issues, and he thinks everything is fine the way it is, and is saying I am being emotional about it.  He hopes my choice to re-open my arms to god will fade like a bad habbit..


Hi Galaxia most experts describe A healthy relationship as one where the couple spends a minimum of 10 hours a week just being with each other and doing things such as going to movies, hiking , picnics, balloning, whatever and watching tv does not count I think a better analogy would be that maybe you have out grown him as you mentioned you have decided to return to your religion of your childhood or how you were raised yet he doesnt want to participate or thinks that it is a bad idea. just using that as an example again men cannot read a womens mind and are usually slow on the up take so to speak-lol If you have tried communicating with him and he doesnt respond i think i would consider leaving their are too many other decent folks out their who would be a better fit for ya if that makes sense. 

Good Luck


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Franc,

I think you are stupid. You know what the key to successful long term relationship is? It is sexual attraction. Period.


Codecomplete:
I think you are rude. And given that in your marriage you spent years looking at porn and j*rking off you are hardly one to advise on a healthy sex life. Your wife could enlighten us a lot on how fabulous you made her feel, I'm sure. 

Mods, i hope what i just wrote is ok with you, i just resent being called stupid. 

Code, PM me if you wish to discuss further how stupid you think i am.

Of course there is a problem with OP's sex life....but as her man seems to be selfish and boring, no wonder she has no passion for him. In a LTR or long marriage, a healthy sex life is very important, in most cases....but if they never do anything together and he sits in front of the tv with booze every night, whats making her feel sexy? It sure isnt him. 

Glass houses Code.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

CodeComplete said:


> Franc,
> 
> I think you are stupid. You know what the key to successful long term relationship is? It is sexual attraction. Period.


CC - 

How does calling another poster "stupid" going to help the OP?

Sexual attraction is not the only key to a successful marriage/LTR. What about asexual partners? What about the partner who gains 400 pounds who is no longer sexually attractive to his/her mate but is a wonderful parent, kind & caring friend?

Franc -

Good advice.


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