# Courtless Dissolution of Marriage? Possible?



## 33ed2774 (Apr 27, 2012)

So my wife and I married about 10 years ago, but have been living apart for just about two years now. We have a 5 year old child together.

The time we've lived apart has brought us closer in many ways. We still care for each other (dare I say love) very deeply, but on a level like brother and sister rather than husband and wife. We have no sexual relationship and it's something we'd been to counseling in the past with no resolution, which lead to the separation. In fact, she has moved forward and is living with another fellow and actually has had a child with him in the time since we separated--yet the relationship has thrived positively in this light, even with the new fellow involved. 

There are high levels of cooperation, understanding, and mutual respect exists for all parties involved. We've worked out financials and time with the kids entirely between ourselves, and it's worked that way for several years. As mentioned, everyone is quite happy and content--in fact we both often visit for dinner, work on projects together, and various other things as "one big family".

We have mutually agreed upon all aspects of our separation and both of us feel there is absolutely zero need for a state court to get involved in our personal matters. All property has been talked over and agreed upon (titles signed, etc)--though we both share things all the time. There is no set schedule for when our child sees me or my wife, we talk about it weekly. But generally we both see our child and each other nearly every day. We haven't agreed upon financial assistance either way; if someone is running short one month the other just writes a check no questions asked.

I attribute this understanding to both of us being quite libertarian-leaning to which comes my question. In our state (California), there seems to be absolutely no way for us to dissolve our marriage without some sort of court intervention in terms of property or financial matters. In all cases it seems the court "reserves" the right of judgment at any time, even if the two of us have agreed upon no set schedule or amounts to the opposite. We simply don't want someone that isn't my wife or myself making decisions for things that do not involve them. As I said, we're libertarians 

My question is if anyone else has had a similar situation? We simply want our "official" marriage to end, but without government involvement other than filing it's over. For now we've been living MBLA quite happily but if she'd like to marry the fellow she's living with (to which I have no objection) this would be a roadblock so it is preferable to get it finalized.

Any advice greatly appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A direct response to your question is no, the courts are involved in every divorce. However you can greatly limit the amount of involvement that the courts have working together, coming to agreements on your own, etc.
While the courts in CA do reserve the right to intervene, they will usually accept an agreement that both parties have arrived at and accept. 

Here is a link to the CA court site where you can get the required documents/forms. They are not hard to fill out. The court does have self-help folks who can give you some help.

California Courts - Divorce or Separation

California does have a Summary Dissolution but I don’t think that you qualify since you two have a child together.


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## profos (Apr 19, 2012)

No, the courts have to approve the dissolution of your marriage and two parents do not have the authority to create a child support agreement without the consent of the courts. It could ultimately be unfair to the child, an innocent victim of the parents' inability to maintain a successful union.

Marriage is a legally binding and financial contract, you can't simply shake hands and walk away from it.


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