# when there is no trust



## csokicica (Jun 27, 2021)

we are not married yet but we live together so we are like married. He does not trust me, we are together since 2 years but we know each other since very small age. It was a mistake that i shared my darkest secrets with him from past and that caused this huge distrust. I told him that it does not change anything, its just past and i was not cheating on him and i would never do that. But his jealousy, no trust, rage and hate is what makes me slowly lose all the love i had. I have no friends, no family, i have nowhere to go. But i know i will have to go my own way at all costs because i am fed up of this control and i did nothing to be treated like **. I cannot tolerate longer this man whose every day line is "with whom will you cheat on me?" and than saying like for the millionth time i am not that kind of person. As time passess by i am becoming more aware that he is not for me. I am into occult and he is not, we no longer have topic, i do not understand why and where from all this jealousy comes from. While he was at work, i tried speaking to a much younger boy to teach him occult, no flirt. He found out and it became a guilt shower that i dont take. I know i am not guiltY, i have not done anything wrong. I dont know how but i know i must go.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

So tell us about the occult. I’m curious


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

so what do you need from here , you know what you need to do , the fact you posted here might be the final role call


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## csokicica (Jun 27, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> So tell us about the occult. I’m curious



All from Wicca to Satanic magic stuff? 😄 its way too big topic


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

If he's obsessed with your sexual history prior to meeting you, he is suffering from retroactive jealousy, for which there is little help publicly available. It probably doesn't matter since you being into the occult and him not being into it is a deal breaker. Time to do you both a favor and get out of the relationship.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I can't see that you would be in anyway compatible if you are into satanism and he isn't.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

csokicica said:


> All from Wicca to Satanic magic stuff? 😄 its way too big topic


Those practices often includes nudity and even sexual acts. If he's a normal hot blooded guy, he is quite in his right to disapprove vehemently.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

csokicica said:


> All from Wicca to Satanic magic stuff? 😄 its way too big topic


 I did not know that type stuff was still alive ,


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

csokicica said:


> As time passess by i am becoming more aware that he is not for me.


Um, OK, just move on, no need to ask why.

Off topic, #beatspain


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Well there is gonna be a stigma around satanism right? I mean you have to understand that what you are doing is very much rejecting mainstream thinking and culture. Most of the world's culture believes Satin to be evil, this is pretty consistent in most cultures, even if they are not religious, so actually making him the focus of your religious life or whatever is going to create some challenges. I would suspect this choice is made with a purpose and the rejection is very much the point.

In that respect however this is going to limit your choice in mates and probably lead to relationship challenges with people whose thinking is more mainstream. Someone who is an Evangelical Christian for example may struggle with this if they try to be in a relationship with a mainstream Catholic for example, and they pray to the same God. Taking religion out and giving another hypothetical example if you were to choose to live without electricity that would probably also limit your choices of mates.

I honestly think you are being disingenuous to yourself it you don't admit that you are going to probably need to tailor your choices to fit your belief and lifestyle.

Dude probably thinks a woman who worships satin is gonna cheat on him. Now maybe he is just kind of a jealous dude and would be no matter what, but you brought up the religion up so you are at least thinking this is part of the issue. The overall point is your pool is going to be limited because not a lot of guys are going to be willing to have a relationship who's beliefs are so far out of the mainstream. Many of the guys who are willing to compromise may be willing to do so because of some of their challenges with relationships force them to. Meaning a chronically jealous insecure guy also has limited choices.

I suggest you look for a warlock or a wizard or whatever your religion calls a male witch, you will probably have more success.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

The problem asi see it is not the topic of the occult...it’s about what secret you shared with him and the fac he sees it as a potential red flag in his mind and it created suspicion in his mind.....one embedded it will be hard to save this relationship with professional help.


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## csokicica (Jun 27, 2021)

yeah it is indeed. Tho i am solitary so it means i will not ge into sex with other would be member of coven. I do not like to be in covens because i switch the type of magic and do not stick to only satanic. Its just getting worse as more i keep silent. I really hope i will be soon happier, this is killing me. 
[QUODictum Veritas, post: 20325897, member: 346897"]
Those practices often includes nudity and even sexual acts. If he's a normal hot blooded guy, he is quite in his right to disapprove vehemently.
[/QUOTE]


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Is your darkest secrets that you are a satanist or something else?


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

I wouldn't trust you or anyone else that is into Satan!!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sorry couldn't help myself.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

the poster has said she is only staying because she has no where to go , and I think the post is only a way around of getting us to talk about her religion if it can be called a religion ,


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## csokicica (Jun 27, 2021)

wel thank you all. I resolved it easy. I guess i have learnt a way to appease. My dark secret was me having to sell myself once for money, that hard was the situation. Not with one but two at same time. Rough but i believe that honesty is a must


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

csokicica said:


> wel thank you all. I resolved it easy. I guess i have learnt a way to appease. My dark secret was me having to sell myself once for money, that hard was the situation. Not with one but two at same time. Rough but i believe that honesty is a must


Sometimes people are forced into situations to do things they don't want to do and/or are very embarrassed about later. I think having that in your past along with the occult, is going to make it very difficult for you to find someone that is accepting of all that. 

When you say you resolved it easy, what do you mean?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

for someone that holds your past against you is not worth been with , as far as I think it is not difference from if you got drunk and made a mistake or even if you got raped , because there are some out there that would hold a rape against the woman , 
I don't care if it was a mistake of if you did it to pay bills it is in your past , and because most can't get past their woman past many say it is best not to tell , but I think the fact to told it shows you had faith in him , the fact he can't get past it is crap on him


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

csokicica said:


> wel thank you all. I resolved it easy. I guess i have learnt a way to appease. My dark secret was me having to sell myself once for money, that hard was the situation. Not with one but two at same time. Rough but i believe that honesty is a must


Was it with someone you still know? Did things change when you told him? I am assuming this was a money situation?

I am asking these questions to try to understand your SO, not necessarily agree with him but at least try to understand.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

csokicica said:


> wel thank you all. I resolved it easy. I guess i have learnt a way to appease. My dark secret was me having to sell myself once for money, that hard was the situation. Not with one but two at same time. Rough but i believe that honesty is a must


You had decided to share this episode of your life with him, and he is being clearly bothered by it, and he is holding it against you instead of trying to understand the conditions that led you to do it. I don't think he deserves your trust, and I don't think you are obliged to share this one-time experience with a partner as long as it is in your past and you know that you did it because you needed the money. 

As for the occult, I am not familiar with this at all and it sounds like it is still in your present and he has different beliefs. If he is not ok with it, then you are simply a bad match. I'd be looking for a way to be financially independent to be able to get out of this relationship and be on my own. Focus on finding a way to live a dignified life and try to ignore his abuse and accusations. They are not relevant at this moment. Good luck!


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