# What to do now



## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

My husband and I separated in June. The first few months he made it clear that the marriage was over and said he couldn't even stand to be around me. So I forced myself to keep going, even though I wanted to curl up in a corner somewhere and cry. We have a 2 year old son together so the communication was never allowed to end. In the end of the third month of separation he tells me that we may be able to fix our marriage and that I should just wait and give him time. I go to his house to bring our son and he asks me to stay sometimes. He asks me to run errands for him, and Ive even bought him a few things I knew he really liked but would never buy for himself. He never asks how I am doing, or if I need anything. He doesn't give me any money for our child (not that I would even take it but would be nice if he asked). He does visit with our son when he has time, he works a lot. He also doesn't ever want to talk about the relationship, or where this is going etc. He tells me that trying to talk to him makes him feel pressured and that I should just be alright until he figures it out. I just don't know what to do from here. I feel like he's pulling me along while he has use for me (errands, gifts) or until he finds something better. But that may just be the impatient paranoid part of me talking. I just wish I had some idea of what I should do, do I just sit here until he maybe figures it out, what do I do?!


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

I wish I had some advice for you....I am in a very similar situation....only no child.


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Ok so had a conversation with my H yesterday, did not go well. I had sent him a text that told him I had made a decision, he txted me back asking what that was, and i said he would find out. He immediately called me. He says what does that mean?? Are you coming over here? He sounded panicked...it was like taking a bullet, I couldn't even answer him for several seconds. I know why he was like that, he had a woman over there and wanted to make sure I wasn't going to just show up. He says his brother is over there and he is sick, bullsh**. So I hang up and text him..."you never cease to amaze me how cold you are, you're not the man I fell in love with, im sorry. He then sends me a text saying, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have taken my mood out on you, we will talk about it tomorrow, I'm sorry for the way I treated you I didn't mean it like that". So here I am again with that wth feeling. Any advice would be helpful...*sigh*


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Ask him flat out if he is seeing other people. You'll be able to tell. 

What was your decision BTW?


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Prior to this conversation, it was to stick it out to the bitter end. However, now I just wish someone could give me some sound advice on what to do, and none of that one foot in front of the other horse****, excuse the language but its true lol. I have asked him, he says he isn't, you're right I would be able to tell and I don't think he was lying.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

It's been my experience that you'll know when you are ready to be done....women can take on more than men emotionally - it's just in their nature. I am confident that I will know when I've reached the point where I just cannot try anymore....I think that you would too.

Maybe leave it be for a few days....see what happens. 

While each situation is different - I've noticed with my H, when he and I are together - meet up we talk, he smiles, and says he does remember good things....and says he thinks about us....he is just hesitant that we will work out because things got so bad to begin with, why wouldn't it happen again. It's as if I can literally see him sitting on the fence.

Could you refresh my memory? Was it your H that left? Did he say why? Or do you know why?


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Yes my H was the one that left. The first few months after he said it was because we were fighting to much and he felt that I was not there for him emotionally. I have learned that he was right, the fighting had gotten to me too and I had sort of shut down in a way. I went to counseling and church and have been working on my issues since the split. Then he told me at the end of the 3rd month that he thought we could reconcile but he just wasn't strong enough yet and that I needed to be understanding and give him time. Which of course I was and still am more than willing to do, I am just afraid I won't know when enough is enough as you say. There's a movie line in The Mexican that says "when two people love each other and they just can't get it right, when do they get to the point where enough is enough...never". I'm afraid I believe that and I will be stuck in this limbo


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

I am there with you -- as much as I'd like to say that I can be strong and be done - I know I wouldn't get over it.....and "really" be done. Some see this as being weak - but I don't. Naive as that might be. 

Sounds like your H seems to want to work things out, but need to really clear his head - I am in the same boat you are -- with the fighting and bickering and just bad communication skills all around.....

I'll keep hoping and praying that your H comes around, as long as that is what you want


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

That's a nice quote from The Mexican as that's exactly how I feel about my marriage. I must watch that movie again soon. 

Cherry, if your husband said he needs time, then that's what you have to give him. As irresponsible as it is on his part of a married person, it is his right to ask for space. It seems he is at that stage where he can't decide to be with you or to move on for good. Its a 50-50 thing. I think he wants to explore the possibilities of what is out there, while still keeping you around, just in case the grass isn't greener on the other side. Logic will tell us that is not the kind of person we should want to be with but unfortunately, love is more complex than that, and most times, we can't help the ones we love, even when they seem so wrong for us. I would say give him all the space he needs, and yes, he WILL go out with other women and likely even sleep around with them during this separation, and its gonna hurt you like hell each little thing you discover what he has been up to. But unfortunately, there is nothing much you can do, unless you want to file for divorce, which will hurt like hell too. 

When a partner walks out on us, its always gonna be ultra painful to the max. There is no way around it. But the resiliency and strength of human beings, we begin to cope with the pain one day at a time. So what do you do, you asked? You learn to deal with that pain, and go on each day to try to be stronger and keep having faith that one day you will be blessed with something better - one of them hopefully a nicer, loving, committed person than that one who hurt us.


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Just got a text from my H..."I think I want to be with you" that's it, nothing else. So...now what, wait?


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