# New Here but Feels Used by Husband



## Jackie003 (Oct 29, 2010)

We have been married 3 yrs, no children; I am 51, he is 46. It is my second marriage,his first. We live in a home that I had before we got married and he contributes to the household - that is, when he works.

When he is laid off, everything falls on me. He claims to look for a job but really does not. He borrows from family members to pay HIS bills; I pay the mortgage, buy the food and so forth until he goes back to work, but he is so behind on his debts that it takes a while until he is able to catch up and contribute.

Our sex life has been non existent since shortly after the marriage; I discovered all types of porn on his computer; he's lied about various things and I am so turned off by all of this that I asked him to move into the guest bedroom over a year ago. To my surprise - he's become quite comfortable. No sex for over a year. We are like roommates. 

We've been to various counselors; he pretends he's going to work on things and gives a good effort for a week or two and then it's back to the status quo. 

I've tried managing his finances and he gets defensive when questioned or when told he has to cut things out and live on a budget. I've asked him to move out, but he has no money and no where to go. 


When these problems first started early in the marriage I asked him to leave and he threatened suicide.

He is manipulative in that I feel sorry for him and sometimes see a shade of the person that I fell in love with - the kind, thoughtful person. But my trust and respect are gone and I feel like I have a child, a user, and don't know how I got here or how to get out without being cruel. I am depressed, anxious, have trouble sleeping and growing bitter by the day.

I always make sure I look nice, dress well, am told I'm attractive, I've never cheated on him, but would like to be with a man who wants me again. Although I've found him in various lies, I haven't found evidence of any affair and believe me, I've searched and searched.

I've given myself a limit - he now has a job but I just feel stuck, trapped and wondering how to approach him to ask him to leave. He constantly says he will but doesn't.

Thanks for any input.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I think you need to see a lawyer and move on now, before another year passes. This guy is taking you for a ride. You don't want to end up losing your house.


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