# Questions on Exposing affair



## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

So my husband appears to have left me for another woman that he is living with. He denies it. I am in divorce procedures but still want to show him and OW up for what they are. I cannot expose to work as they would probably get fired. I have exposed to my family and a few friends. I told his parents and he seems to have convinced them I am paranoid and crazy, plus I don't like them much and am not close to them.
I have her mother's e-mail address - should I tell her that her daughter has pursued my husband for a long time and is now living with him - a still very much married man?
Also OW's brother seems to have helped them in finding an apartment together (he's a realtor). I think this is highly unprofessional and unethical - should I report him?
Of course I have no idea what darling husband has told them, but I do know OW knew full well he is still married.
Will I just look vindictive or is it the right thing to do, considering the hell I've been through and what they have done is so disgusting? Advice appreciated!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé exposé exposé.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> So my husband appears to have left me for another woman that he is living with. He denies it. I am in divorce procedures but still want to show him and OW up for what they are. I cannot expose to work as they would probably get fired. I have exposed to my family and a few friends. I told his parents and he seems to have convinced them I am paranoid and crazy, plus I don't like them much and am not close to them.
> I have her mother's e-mail address - should I tell her that her daughter has pursued my husband for a long time and is now living with him - a still very much married man?
> Also OW's brother seems to have helped them in finding an apartment together (he's a realtor). I think this is highly unprofessional and unethical - should I report him?
> Of course I have no idea what darling husband has told them, but I do know OW knew full well he is still married.
> Will I just look vindictive or is it the right thing to do, considering the hell I've been through and what they have done is so disgusting? Advice appreciated!


And... being vindictive in exposing your husband and the OWs affair and their rah rah cheerleader group is wrong in what way?


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

I so want to, but what if I get in trouble with lawyers. He's already threatening me with an order of restraint because I posted an innocuous thing on FB about getting a divorce (no mention of him)
I guess I'm scared how he will react because he is in extreme defense mode


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Bentley'sMom said:


> I so want to, but what if I get in trouble with lawyers. He's already threatening me with an order of restraint because I posted an innocuous thing on FB about getting a divorce (no mention of him)
> I guess I'm scared how he will react because he is in extreme defense mode


He is pissing in the wind. First, you are telling truths which is something you can't be sued for as liable. Second he would be exposing it to even more people though anything he did. Bottom line is he is trying to intimidate you through meaningless threats.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Would it cause you financial hardship to expose to their work,and would you ever consider R under the right circumstances?


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Yes it would have an effect on spousal support if I exposed at work, I'm biding my time on that, also he is paying the mortgage on the apartment I'm living in. No no no to R as he has put me through hell and I'd never trust him again, I'm just upset and angry and don't feel they should get away with it


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Oh also I had a mental meltdown when I discovered the situation (it was one revelation after another and I pieced all the miserable pieces together myself) and did some silly things like threaten to expose him that he has on e-mail. I don't want to ruin a future court case by appearing crazy but I know it's the truth and hate that they have done this


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Bentley'sMom said:


> No no no to R as he has put me through hell and I'd never trust him again, I'm just upset and angry and don't feel they should get away with it


No,the only reason I was asking that was because if you did consider R then you would definitely have to expose to their work.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Bentley'sMom said:


> Oh also I had a mental meltdown when I discovered the situation (it was one revelation after another and I pieced all the miserable pieces together myself) and did some silly things like threaten to expose him that he has on e-mail. I don't want to ruin a future court case by appearing crazy but I know it's the truth and hate that they have done this


It's a terrible thing to uncover I know.Personally,I just walked away and divorced.No regrets.Just make sure you get everything your entitled to,including anything your stbx may have stashed away for a rainy day!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> He is pissing in the wind. First, you are telling truths which is something you can't be sued for as liable. Second he would be exposing it to even more people though anything he did. Bottom line is he is trying to intimidate you through meaningless threats.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_












This...be strong! Be stealthy...then strike!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If R is out of the question then milk him and if he stops footing the bill, tell him you have enough evidence to sink him(even if you don't) if he doesn't pay up.

It sucks to sink to there level and it may not be the person you want to be, so what ever eveidence you do have, then expose it.

At the end of the day you will be better off served to let him go and show him and others that you are better off with out him.

Besides its just a matter of time when he comes crawling back and then you can expose the betrayal he has for the OW.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

They are calling you crazy, unstable, mad, abusive to anyone who will listen..

The reality is that they will continue to do this until you call them on it.

Just expose it. Why should you emotionally finance there relationship with your silence? I can tell you it feels very liberating because your silence makes you complicit in their affair. They are relying on this as sign of "love" and quiet support.

There are no legal ramifications to telling the truth. Do it all at once and to everyone concerned. If they get fired then that is a consequence. It has consequences for you too, but you know what. Stop being scared and just do it. You will feel better. You will feel freer and you will be able to stand tall. Watch them run for cover. It is quiet amusing if you can be detached enough. 
Expect all sorts of bizarre reasoning and watch them eat each other alive!

Be strong. 
One. Last Time. 

It is worth it.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Thanks so much. The evidence I have is e-mails talking about if she will be a happy bunny when he comes home. A bank statement showing he paid her $8000, which equates exactly to his half of the deposit, first month's rent and agent fees. The fact the only apartment rented on her brother's site is this one, and that the lease is in her name. Also I can show he is paying half the rent each month. Pretty good evidence! He just might have moved out for now, though, but still...OK I;ll expose to her Mum and report her brother shortly, and consider the work aspect (maybe once I have a settlement)


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

How's this for letter to her brother's boss?

Dear Mr x

One of your agents, x recently found an apartment for his sister, x, at x. The move in date was beginning of June.
Unfortunately, this apartment is now being lived in by herself and my husband. I have e-mails from my husband stating x is his realtor, and whilst her name is on the lease I also have bank statements showing my husband paid her money to cover half of the deposit, half first month's rent and half the agent fees. He is also paying x monthly - half the x rent.
My husband left our marital home without my approval and did not tell me that he was planning to move in with x all along. This was whilst still very much married, not even legally separated and without my consent or knowledge. x aided them both in finding this apartment.

I find this conduct unprofessional and unethical and felt you should be made aware.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Throw in "I would like your support in the marriage" it may not be want you really feel, but it will look less vantictive.

when exposing its best to look like you are trying to protect the marriage and are looking for there support for the marriage ....get it?

Even tough there isn't a chance in hell for R, they (folks you expose to )don't know this, so by mentioning the promarriage aspects and the value of marriage vows it puts you you in a better light.

So the information you mention is great but start with and finish up by asking for "support in the marriage".

It gives the poeple being exposed to the A the intent for the letter.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

And to her Mom -

'Dear x,

I am writing to inform you of a situation you may not be aware of. Your daughter x is currently living with my husband at x.

She has pursued him for a while and I don't know how long their affair has been going on, but I can tell you this has caused me to file for divorce and ended my marriage.

She was aware of his marital status as he is her former boss, and when my husband moved in with her, we were very much married, not legally seperated and it was without my knowledge or consent. I also believe your son x aided them in finding their current apartment.

I thought you should know.'


Gosh I'm scared to do this but know I should!


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Ah yes thanks the guy, I should do that....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No problem,
Find a better word for "consent"...try "breaking our marriage vows" or "adultour behavior"

Real quick here;
I would like your support in repairing my marraige...x and Y are doing this and that and this adultous behavior is not helping the dynamics of the marriage. Your "y" is ingaged with amarried man and what ever you heard it is not the actual picture Y may be telling you. So again I would like to ask for your support for my marriage and there vows.


You letters sound more like a tattle tail, then a " wife trying to fix her marriage".....I put this in quotes b/c me and you both know that you wouldn't take the POS back if he begged..... but again it makes you out to be the good guy.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I thought your letter about the real estate agent was too hard to understand. 

Keep it simple. 

Threaten to sue.

_Your agent xxx acted unprofessionally by knowingly renting an "affair pad" to his sister and my husband. Your agent's actions directly resulted in the alienation of my husband's affections from me and I am considering suing your firm on those grounds._

Your position against real estate agent brother is pretty weak, but a direct accusation of harm he caused and the threat of a lawsuit should at least draw some unfavorable attention to him from higher ups.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Yep, got it, thanks, you are correct,

One bit of karma that made me laugh - I chucked some of his stuff out in the trash, and saw a homeless guy wearing his special belt and blazer as I walked the dog the next morning!!

Thanks Will, that sounds a lot better - thank you all so much

Should I consult my lawyer first or just be send them?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

LOL, LOL, LOL

girl I can't stop laughing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> LOL, LOL, LOL
> 
> girl I can't stop laughing.


:rofl:


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> Yep, got it, thanks, you are correct,
> 
> One bit of karma that made me laugh - I chucked some of his stuff out in the trash, and saw a homeless guy wearing his special belt and blazer as I walked the dog the next morning!!
> 
> ...


I have just started down the road of divorcing my WW on the grounds of adultery, although have had to pause temporarily for reasons outlined elsewhere.

Bearing in mind that I live in the UK and things are very much nothing is anybody's fault over here, even alleging adultery without some very good evidence can get you into some serious hot water.

This more or less boils down to a "beyond reasonable doubt" standard. The *only* thing that will clinch it for me - despite having emails, texts and voice recordings admitting to a relationship - is her medical records.

This is because I have had the snip and she went on the pill, took contraceptive injections and had the morning after pill twice.

Anything less than photographs in flagrante or an explicit admission of penetrative sex having taken place is not good enough.

I just thought I'd mention it as, if I did in the UK what you are about to do in the USA, then I could cause myself very serious problems.

I don't want to scare you - but please take legal advice first from a divorce lawyer.

I hope you can do this. The tossers deserve everything they get. Good luck.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Bentley'sMom said:


> How's this for letter to her brother's boss?
> 
> Dear Mr x
> 
> ...


I would say "without prior discussion with me."


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Bentley'sMom said:


> How's this for letter to her brother's boss?
> 
> Dear Mr x
> 
> ...


That should do it...


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

I would expose them but dont get upset when you dont see anything come of it. Her mom is her mom. She will get over it. The brother may get a frown at work but truth is ..real estate is tough now. They are thrilled to have the commission. Expose them so they know you cant be intimidated. Then go back to being the strong woman you know you are.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Thanks Ansley and Next Time
Chris 989, I'm from the UK and understand how strict they are. Here I believe you just have to prove opportunity or something, as in they had the opportunity to do it - as he is living with her, he has no leg to stand on.

Oh, and the homeless guy looked very smart, better than my husband ever looked in that outfit!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> Yep, got it, thanks, you are correct,
> 
> One bit of karma that made me laugh - I chucked some of his stuff out in the trash, and saw a homeless guy wearing his special belt and blazer as I walked the dog the next morning!!
> 
> ...


Just send them. No Need to consult with the attorney on this particular matter. "Shoot first, ask questions later" 

The trick is to send the initial letters, then do nothing more. No harassment. No follow up letters or calls. You'll be fine.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

I will throw myself to wolves and offer an alternative opinion. Could be usefull from time to time.

You say that you don't want to reconsile, what do you hope to achieve by exposing the matter? Exposing serves two purposes IMO; 1. to stop an ongoing affair in order to make R possible and 2. Revenge.

I can sympathize with a good old revenge from time to time, but in this case... being vindictive is not going to get you anywhere or any nearer a better place to be.

Your ex has chosen to be with another woman than you, you can seemingly do nothing about it, so why not spend the energy on regrouping and building yourself up to pursue a better life without him?

Instead of spending hours on speculating in revenge - spend them on physical training, personal development, call a friend etc. you get the idea.

I am not against exposing in general, did it myself, but if it doesn't help you achieve something (ie. R), you may reconsider.

My best wishes for you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Look at it this way. Once you are divorced, you will never see his family, his friends, or her family again. They will be ants to you. Who cares who knows? You'll be moving on and having a fabulous cheating-free life with a man who will respect you. THEY will both be checking each other's phone records the rest of their lives for evidence of being cheated ON because, well, they're cheaters! 

YOU will have the best revenge. Move on and milk him for every penny. In fact, you can try to say 'give me X dollars now (a ridiculous amount) and I won't drag this through court.' Often they will pay it just to get you out of their hair. Take his money; his reputation's already tainted. People KNOW what he's doing.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

turnera said:


> Look at it this way. Once you are divorced, you will never see his family, his friends, or her family again. They will be ants to you. Who cares who knows? You'll be moving on and having a fabulous cheating-free life with a man who will respect you. THEY will both be checking each other's phone records the rest of their lives for evidence of being cheated ON because, well, they're cheaters!
> 
> YOU will have the best revenge. Move on and milk him for every penny. In fact, you can try to say 'give me X dollars now (a ridiculous amount) and I won't drag this through court.' Often they will pay it just to get you out of their hair. Take his money; his reputation's already tainted. People KNOW what he's doing.


:iagree:


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

I hear you, I really do. I think about being the better person, and walking away, but I feel so righteous about it. I would never do what he has done EVER, I would do the right thing and ask for divorce first. He lied, deceived, broke me as a person and won't even face me or talk. Scumbag. I have no support network as I gave up everything to come here to the US to be with him, leaving behind a good career, all my family and friends, seling the house I loved. He knows this and just doesn't care, he just wants his commitment free life, me to disappear and decided to do it at my expense. If I walk away head held high, who's really going to care but me? It's a tough decision!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you want him back?


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> I hear you, I really do. I think about being the better person, and walking away, but I feel so righteous about it. I would never do what he has done EVER, I would do the right thing and ask for divorce first. He lied, deceived, broke me as a person and won't even face me or talk. Scumbag. I have no support network as I gave up everything to come here to the US to be with him, leaving behind a good career, all my family and friends, seling the house I loved. He knows this and just doesn't care, he just wants his commitment free life, me to disappear and decided to do it at my expense. If I walk away head held high, *who's really going to care but me?* It's a tough decision!


And this is the important part - YOU care. And that's exactly why I suggest you reconsider and keep strict focus on yourself. For your own sake.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

I can't take him back, I'd never trust him again. I would have liked the opportunity to have had an adult discussion and maybe worked on our marriage before he cheated but he never really gave me any opportunity just blamed me for everything. What I really want is him to man up and face me, closure I suppose. I also don't want him to skip off into the sunset with that cow, so I want to make life as difficult as possible for them

I understand cpacan, I really do. I guess I'm just talking it out with you guys who've been there and know what I'm going through....


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> I can't take him back, I'd never trust him again. I would have liked the opportunity to have had an adult discussion and maybe worked on our marriage before he cheated but he never really gave me any opportunity just blamed me for everything. What I really want is him to man up and face me, closure I suppose. I also don't want him to skip off into the sunset with that cow, so I want to make life as difficult as possible for them
> 
> I understand cpacan, I really do. I guess I'm just talking it out with you guys who've been there and know what I'm going through....


And I have been there, I know about the humiliation and the urge to beat the s*** out of POM - trust me, I do.

I just realized that what gives me the best results, and the periods that I feel best are when I get a hold of myself and grow - in each and every sense.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

I'm so sorry this dirtbag hurt you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Bentley'sMom said:


> I can't take him back, I'd never trust him again.


Then it no longer matters what happens in his life, does it? The only reason you want to expose is to soothe your wounded ego, but it won't. It will only make things messier for you.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't tell everyone who asks exactly WHY you're divorcing him.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Thank you Ansley. It feels like he's ruined my life and I'm left with all the mess (selling the apartment, moving back home, rebuilding my career and life) while he is carefree and happy. I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day, largely triggered by the fact I found out he cancelled our dog's pet insurance. Our dog has a bad hip. I mean - why take it out on the poor dog? He truly is a piece of work, that immoral idiot.

Yes Tunera, I am starting to tell people the truth, I have done nothing wrong, he has done evrything wrong!


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Oh, and just for a giggle, I found something called inspot.org where you can send anonymous e-cards telling people they may have an STD and to get tested..just in case anyone wants a bit of fun with their cheating ex partners and their AP's.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Did he downgrade so to speak? Just curious. 

And I love the inspot.org idea....throw some doubt in there for his new girlfriend....


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Hmm downgrade is a tough question. She is successful, quite small and scrawny and I don't think she is very pretty, her makeup makes her look like a clown. It's almost like he 'traded me in' for who I was when we first met..she is 8 years younger than me
Personally, I think I'm better looking. I'm certainly a nicer person!
He is highly selfish and would say things like 'your a** has got fatter I didn't buy into that' and 'go to the gym' I was a size 8 for goodness sake, a size 4/6 now! I also think he would possibly have come back if I hadn't discovered it all, not sure, but he was talking about us maybe having a relationship in the future, dating and maybe remarrying. Bearing in mind he moved in with her pretty quickly, and was talking to me about 'aligning our goals in the future' and vaguely talking of reconciliation. Fool, glad to be shot of him and his bullying, abusive, drunken ways.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Scratch that, of course he downgraded, she is a devious homewrecker!
I think in general people would agree I was physically better looking.
As he is narcisitic, it's all about what people will do for him. I was the main breadwinner for years, only since we moved to US has he been, and I've been down trodden ever since. She earns good money and he has certainly does, so I think part of their fantasy is how hard they work, how successful they are and how much money they will have. Unfortunately I'm getting his money for some time to come, and if they think that's happiness they are mistaken. His main concern right now is his money and his reputation, certainly not me. Says a lot about his 'character' me thinks!


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## CLIFFW (Jul 25, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> So my husband appears to have left me for another woman that he is living with. He denies it. I am in divorce procedures but still want to show him and OW up for what they are. I cannot expose to work as they would probably get fired. I have exposed to my family and a few friends. I told his parents and he seems to have convinced them I am paranoid and crazy, plus I don't like them much and am not close to them.
> I have her mother's e-mail address - should I tell her that her daughter has pursued my husband for a long time and is now living with him - a still very much married man?
> Also OW's brother seems to have helped them in finding an apartment together (he's a realtor). I think this is highly unprofessional and unethical - should I report him?
> Of course I have no idea what darling husband has told them, but I do know OW knew full well he is still married.
> Will I just look vindictive or is it the right thing to do, considering the hell I've been through and what they have done is so disgusting? Advice appreciated!


As I understand exposure, the purpose is to kill off the affair. If he has already left you and divorce proceedings are under way, it's too late. Exposure in this case is only to be vindictive. I think that would be mean. 

Two wrongs don't make a right.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Bearing in mind my previous comments; expose. You will feel a *lot* better believe me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

CLIFFW said:


> As I understand exposure, the purpose is to kill off the affair. If he has already left you and divorce proceedings are under way, it's too late. Exposure in this case is only to be vindictive. I think that would be mean.
> 
> Two wrongs don't make a right.


Telling the truth is not a wrong. Ever!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Cliifw - mean yes, but compared to what they did to me which was disgustingly cruel it doesn't compare!
I'm not particularly religious but the Bible says 'an eye for an eye' - and this is more like a slap in the face for a punch in the guts and then having your head kicked in.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you do know of cheaterville.com, yes?


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

No I didn't, but I've just looked, and it's great! I think he deserves to go on there, and I have the prefect picture of him - passed out drunk on the couch looking like a bloated loser. I also found lying cheating b*****s which is similar. Hee heee...


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Well it doesn't seem like there were any laws broken by the OW’s brother, and I doubt his boss will care about the circumstances; they only want to see revenues. You would just end up looking like the disgruntled STBXW and he would probably dismiss the letter entirely. He would however tell the agent which could only make it worse for you. Nothing positive comes from this. 

I'm curious to learn how you figured out your husband had an affair in the first place and how much proof you have? You seem pretty confident he did, but everything you talk about seems to be circumstantial at best. 

No, I wouldn't make accusations without hard evidence. 

Also, what does your husband do that could/would get him fired for having an affair? If you did get him fired, then you wouldn't get any alimony. Worse, if you work, you would have to pay him, since he would be out of a job. I don’t think I would try getting him fired. Paying you alimony every month will hurt him more than any exposure will do. Also, don’t act mad around him. That will let him know that you still care. Instead, act disinterested in the whole thing almost like you don’t care that he is gone. 

If you still want to expose everything, be careful on how you do it. Just present the facts and let the reader draw their own conclusion. Here’s what I would do.

I would title the letter, “I wonder what really happened?” Then I would only present the facts, such as:

On or about this date, my husband started acting differently towards me. At first I dismissed it as a temporary phase but soon realized the phase did not end. This worried me so “I began making myself more available” or “I tried to ramp up our passion” or “I asked him what was going on.” He responded by…moving out. I was so scared that I was losing my husband so I…

I later learned he had moved in with a female co-worker. I began to wonder what was going on so I investigated and discovered through call and text logs that he had been communicating with this person for XXX months. 

You get the point. Let the OW’s mother or any other reader draw their own conclusion. 

I like the idea of including the R in the letter and that the OW is impeding your ability to R. Even if you don’t R, it may damage that relationship. Even if they stay together, the OW will always wonder what he is up to. Consider yourself lucky in discovering this early in life, other people are married 20+ years before they discover it.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Good advice. I have just seen my lawyer who has advised I keep quiet regarding work and everything else..grrr. I'm still telling friends what he has done. Proof wise - he left in early April, with classic cheater words (I know now)he was talking about moving into an apartment just two short weeks later and using money from our savings. I thought nothing of it at the time, as he said he needed space and didn't need to be around anyone. He had been acting irrationally for a while and ruined Christmas.
Early June I fire up my ipad for the first time in ages, all his e-mails are there to see (no hacking at all involved) I see he has been e-mailing this woman he works with, both of them talking about 'home'. I get sent a bank statement showing he paid her money. He says that her brother is his realtor, and the money was for him (why didn't he just pay himthen) the only apartment on this dude's site rented is one where all the money he took equals half. The lease is in her name, he is being extremely cagey about where he is living. His half of the rent goes out end of June, whilst he is telling me he is in a corporate apartment that his company is paying for. All his cash only withdrawals are in the exact area of this apartment. The fact he is living there is idiotic, you can deny a relationship but not living together! I have no idea what is going on with him, he refuses to talk is being v defensive and mean - again classic fog behaviour. He knows no chance of R as he knows I will not tolerate cheating, especially not living with the bint. I think he was keeping me quiet in case things didn't work out with her, or getting his ducks in a row, as he talked about R and was coming round going for drinks with me ( I think because he can't really be seen out with her and he really likes to drink). No idea as I say, but too late now!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Not only do affair relationships have a 3% success rate, but he blew your savings on an apartment that's gonna be the OW's when they break up. 

Protect the rest of your assets ASAP!


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Yep, I've already talked to my lawyer about him wasting marital assets and depositioning his ugly ****! I'm in a strong position, I can leverage the work thing -the fact he is living with her whilst still marriedthey are both senior and questions of integrity and morality let alone sexual harassement may come into it plus the fact they have worked on competitor accounts(they work in media, clients would probably sack an agency if they thought any confidential info was wrongly shared - it was one of his excuses for meeting her he lied to me about and I have it on e-mail) and I also know he lied about the degree qualification he has on his resume He better accept my terms!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Make sure your lawyer does that negotiating, not you.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> Good advice. I have just seen my lawyer who has advised I keep quiet regarding work and everything else..grrr


Great advice. As compared to those who say "expose him".

As has been stated, if he loses his job it will cost you, big time.

The marriage is over, you really need to work on your own issues including your need to get even. Its really in your own best interests to stop obsessing over how to cause him grief because he was unfaithful. Besides, most people won't care, given that you're already divorcing at this point.

He is part of your past life. Focus your energies on getting through this divorce and opening up new chapters of your life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bentley's Mom, 'Bint' is such an old British word to use! Kudos for knowing and using it!:smthumbup:


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

yep I'm trying to focus on me now. It's really hard but I am.
I have gone 'dark' as in no more contact and he is e-mailing about trivial financial things, just to get a reaction I think. I am ignoring him. I do think he will regret this and maybe sometime in the future will try and make amends, but it's too late and he is a Goyte says, somebody that I used to know. Sad still, but also liberating in some ways. I'm finding the old me again, the one he ate away at and almost destroyed. I hope the new old me is a nice person, a stronger person and better in every way!


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