# Straw poll/opinion around child support



## Shoeguy

My ex asked me if I could start helping paying for school lunches this morning. She was having some expense troubles.

I refused and told her I thought that was covered in the monthly support payments. I said I was not going to sign up for additional monies on a regular basis but did not want our two kids to not eat because she couldn't afford to give them money. If she was short in the future please let me know.

BTW she receives over $1,200/month in support if that makes a difference in your minds.

Thanks
Shoeguy


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## Limping

My standard reply in this situation would be, I will be happy to provide them lunches at school. When should I pick them up and expect your first child support payment?

I have the girls though, and I take no support from their mother. So I am a bit jaded at times I guess 

Bill


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## CandieGirl

My husband's ex is constantly trying to get more money from him, on top of the 1500 child support, and 500 for education savings plans. I'm fed up. When is enough enough?

Good for you OP, telling her no. Sometimes, it's like they think it's a bottomless pit!


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## isla~mama

If she qualifies for free or reduced lunch make sure she has applied for that. If she has little income beyond the child support, I would go ahead and pay, but my experience is that schools never let a child go without lunch, even if the parents aren't paying. This is the policy in my district anyway. They even have free breakfast for all students here.


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## that_girl

It depends on how much of that 1200 goes to rent.

Extra bedrooms around here are anywhere from 300-500 bucks.

I could hvae easily lived in a one bedroom as a single mom (and did for a while) but an extra room took me from 840 to 1200 a month.

But school lunches here are about 75 cents. So...for 40 bucks they could eat all month. I'm sure she could manage that.

What does she spend the child support on? Bills, rent, food, clothes...and?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

You pay a fair amount. I only asked for $200 a month and my ex tried to have it modified on several occasions through out the years. Then he tried telling my daughter that I take all his money. It's not my fault he works bare minimum and his wife works 2 jobs. I paid for everything when we were together. His current wife is in the same situation I was in, except she chooses to stay.

1,200 a month is fair price. I would not give any more, your not entitled to. You can buy your children clothing, shoes and toys/electronics. 

Most of us are in rough times right now. Everything is expensive. I never modified child support, although I should have. He shut her out of that family a few years ago. He doesn't allow my daughter to have any contact with her siblings. It's sad he won't allow contact with her siblings. Children are very expensive, especially when they start to drive. They need gas money, insurance, ect... My child support ends soon, since my daughter is nearly 18. She's planning on joining the National Guard. We are very proud of her!


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## luckycardinal

$1200 is quite a large amount. I would think she could budget for the kids' lunches on that, especially if she works as well. If she is really having money troubles, there are reduced/free lunch programs at schools for people who really can't afford them. I know when/if I divorce I won't get a red dime from the kids' dad (he has refused to work for the past 5 years and is generally lazy) so I would consider her lucky. 

My mom received only $75 per month from my dad from the time they divorced when I was 2 until I turned 18. She did it ALL on her own - go strong women! That's not to say custodial parents (male or female) shouldn't get support, of course. I'm just jaded, too, having been raised by a single mom who worked her tail off to make sure I had all I needed and most of what I wanted and now living with a deadbeat who I know will never provide for his kids.


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## angelpixie

I don't think I'll get anywhere near $600 for my son. As it is, lunches at his school are much more expensive than brown-bagging it, so that's what my son has always done (plus until this year, he never went to a school with a lunch program, so he's been used to it). It's a great way to get him used to more responsibility & chores, too. Oddly enough, STBXH usually buys hot lunch for our son when he has him, so apparently the money aspect isn't too big of a deal for him. (I also don't understand how he doesn't have the time to make a simple pb&j in the morning, but that's another issue... ) I'm just kind of glad that I've had the practice of making a family budget work on not a lot of money. Single-parenthood will be less of a shock for me than it will for him. I agree that your ex may want to try doing some budget changes before asking for more money, but as an adult child of divorced parents, I confess I also have kind of a knee-jerk reaction to hearing 'my wife is always asking for more child support.' I'm realizing that award amounts are not at all standard, so some guys barely pay $80/mo where I live, and you're paying $600! I doubt there's that much difference in cost of living! :scratchhead:


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## PBear

Everything is relative... I'm paying about 2000 right now. Child support up here is table driven, based on income. Not a lot of wiggle room. That covers everything but "exceptional" expenses.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Children are very expensive, especially when they start to drive. They need gas money, insurance, ect... My child support ends soon, since my daughter is nearly 18. She's planning on joining the National Guard. We are very proud of her!


You are a nice mom! I had to get a part time job to pay for car insurance and gas  I liked that though.


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## Hope1964

I think anyone who actually GETS child support should consider themselves lucky. My ex owes me over $65,000.00 in arrears right now. We split when my youngest was 4 months old and he has done SQUAT for any of my kids over the years - she's 18 now. Claims he hasn't been able to work because of a bad back. Yeah right. Working under the table is more like it.

For three kids, he was supposed to pay $541.00 per month. What a joke that was anyway. I was much happier assuming I would never get anything. Then the odd time I did it was all extra money


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## Shoeguy

Thanks for replies. I'm glad I told her no but since it involves the kids I want to be careful. I know I don't have control over what is said or done at her house but I'd like to keep the impact on the kids to a minimum whenever possible.

I have made it a point to not ask her how she spends her money because I think it is an allocation issue. Once the money hits her checking account it is difficult to determine which money is spent on what. She works fuul time and gets a steady amount of money every two weeks from there. So that is a bees hive I just assume avoid if I can.

I didn't intend for this to move into a question about how she spends the support money but just wondered if anyone thought lunch money fell outside child support. I think the majority right now would say that support does cover lunch money. Heck if she made them they could pack a lunch. Now where would the money go if I started paying for school lunch and they packed?

I will ask/point her in the direction of supplemental support revolving around the lunches if she continues to push the issue. Basically I'm surprised she asked in the first place.

Thanks

Shoeguy


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## that_girl

Well, then no. Your child support pays for the children, which included lunch money. lol.


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## Stryker

The Monetary of divorced Marriages and The Price Fixers and Negotiators....


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## CandieGirl

Hope1964 said:


> I think anyone who actually GETS child support should consider themselves lucky. My ex owes me over $65,000.00 in arrears right now. We split when my youngest was 4 months old and he has done SQUAT for any of my kids over the years - she's 18 now. Claims he hasn't been able to work because of a bad back. Yeah right. Working under the table is more like it.
> 
> For three kids, he was supposed to pay $541.00 per month. What a joke that was anyway. I was much happier assuming I would never get anything. Then the odd time I did it was all extra money


:iagree:

Same here. In fact, my ex, quit his job when we split, so that I couldn't 'go after him'. I would have had to chase him from here to tinbucktwo to get a dime. I couldn't afford a lawyer, yet made too much money to qualify for any type of legal aid...go figure! I made it on my own in the end.

Now that I'm married to H, the equivalent of my whole salary goes to his child support. A sore sujbect in our house at the moment...


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## PBear

On top of my regular support, I've been covering things like musical instrument rental, sports fees, and an upcoming band trip. Everything else, including lunches, would be included in my regular payment.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy

Food is part of child support.

I have a funny feeling that if you don't give in, your ex will figure something out.


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## CandieGirl

PBear said:


> On top of my regular support, I've been covering things like musical instrument rental, sports fees, and an upcoming band trip. Everything else, including lunches, would be included in my regular payment.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does your ex actually pay for anything???


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## Shoeguy

In addition to my 1200 monthly child support I pay for their medical insurance and 50% of any co-pay. On top of that I pay 50% of any extra activity and privte school tuition. I paid 100% last year so I think she is starting to realize she is on the hook this year for the other 50%. those payments are due in April.

I'm not complaining about the staus quo but pretty stuck in the mud when it comes to changing/adding more. I have never asked for proof of the activity fees, horse, uniform costs, etc and given the check easily and quickly. Just something about this morning and asking for lunch money really got to me and I felt was a little over the top.

I guess I've turned the corner of always trying to make it the easiest for my ex and this is an example of that. She probably has already made many budget changes but I think she must have missed this one and she it needs to address it some other way. Our oldest turns 16 this month and has been talking about driving. I have already told my ex that the custodial parent picks up the car insurance she may be feeling that pressure as well.

i guess my point is we both have made sacrifices through this and not once did I ask if she could REDUCE the child support because was having a money issue. I took it as a given that I would pay becasue that is my reponsibility. Not that she has had it easy but she got to avoid all the costs of moving and establishing a safe, comfortable enviroment for the kids because she stayed in the house. Maybe a little credit for that would be nice but I can live without it.

I will stop going down that path but hopefully you get the point.

Shoeguy


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## CandieGirl

You sound great! She's a lucky woman, your ex (in that you pay your dues and then some). 

My H paid his full agreed upon amount even while unemployed; she never even acknowledged that. But she'll ask for more and more and more.

sigh.


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## Hope1964

Why should either of you have to pay for car insurance for your kids?? Let them pay for it themselves. My kids were not allowed to get their license till they could afford their own vehicle, as my insurance would have gone through the roof.


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## Shoeguy

Very good point Hope and that is may what happens. I was just trying to avoid a dispute in the future about who pays if she does drive.

Also, the girls were over last night and the oldest said she thought the solution to the lunch money issue was that when they were at my house for the weekend I would pay for that week and then their mom would pay the other. I calmly said I didn't think that was the solution and that I already give their mom lunch money every month.

Just burns me that my ex would put the kids in the middle.


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## diwali123

I get cs and my h pays his ex cs so I see both sides. Cs should include lunches. If she can't afford it something is wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together

isla~mama said:


> If she qualifies for free or reduced lunch make sure she has applied for that. If she has little income beyond the child support, I would go ahead and pay, but my experience is that schools never let a child go without lunch, even if the parents aren't paying. This is the policy in my district anyway. They even have free breakfast for all students here.


This is true. I do some work at my daughter's school, there are always lunches available to kids who forget, or do not have any lunches.


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## working_together

If it makes anyone feel better, I've only received $100.00 in 5 weeks.......and I have to write down exactly what he gives me, for example,he bought me 2 litres of milk one time, I wrote it down.

Things will change soon.


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## smith9800

First of all, you must make sure she is going to use the money for that. If she has money problem, I would pay.


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## Anubis

It's a slippery slope that you must not go down. 

If she can get you to pay for this, then you can expect her to come up with more situations (for the kids) that she needs you to pay for. If you don't be firm, she will never learn better budgeting or planning skills, because it is easier (and more profitable) not to.

I've had a real hard time on money issues with my ex- and I've been very, very firm in not letting her nickle and dime me. She frequently tells my kids "You can't have X because daddy doesn't pay enough". She and and her mother have even put it in emails cc:'d to my daughter. (My lawyer will have a field day with her the next time we go to court). All I can say is that I always fully and timely paid my support (and alimony), which has been at or exceeded the state maximum, and probably more than anyone else in this thread is paying. It boggle my mind to see her willingness to use the kids as an excuse.


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## Shoeguy

Thanks for all the support and reponses. i can't remember if I told you that I said no and after I reaffirmed that a second time she has not continued to press the issue.

We have exchanged emails on other topics since so I think that issue is over with. My thought is she tested me to see where I stood on the subject and got her answer rather quickly.

It is just amazing how far we are apart now after a year of being divorced when we were so close prior. I guess it was only me that thought we were close towards the end.

Live and learn I guess. I try not to dwindle on the past and try to keep thoughts about the future and not the past. Seems to help the daily grind.

Have a great weekend. This weekend I'm volunteering to help staff a youth camp on alcohol, drug and tobacco prevention. I have never done anything like this before and probably would have never if I didn't get divorced last year. I've been seeing the woman who runs the camp and she asked me to participate. Kind of neat how things work out sometimes.

Shoeguy


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## remmons

isla~mama said:


> If she qualifies for free or reduced lunch make sure she has applied for that. If she has little income beyond the child support, I would go ahead and pay, but my experience is that schools never let a child go without lunch, even if the parents aren't paying. This is the policy in my district anyway. They even have free breakfast for all students here.





luckycardinal said:


> $1200 is quite a large amount. I would think she could budget for the kids' lunches on that, especially if she works as well. If she is really having money troubles, there are reduced/free lunch programs at schools for people who really can't afford them. I know when/if I divorce I won't get a red dime from the kids' dad (he has refused to work for the past 5 years and is generally lazy) so I would consider her lucky.
> 
> My mom received only $75 per month from my dad from the time they divorced when I was 2 until I turned 18. She did it ALL on her own - go strong women! That's not to say custodial parents (male or female) shouldn't get support, of course. I'm just jaded, too, having been raised by a single mom who worked her tail off to make sure I had all I needed and most of what I wanted and now living with a deadbeat who I know will never provide for his kids.


I agree with everyone here, but these two stick out to me the most.

I agree that the kids will NEVER go hungry at school, not with free or reduced lunch options available. If she can't afford feeding them or giving them lunch money then it sounds like that she needs to start dropping some unnecessary spending habits. I run in to too many women here who can barely afford their children's lunches, but they can afford a new hair-do every week, or internet at home AND a smart phone, AND still be able to drive a VERY nice SUV.

Just recently, my ex-W had asked for more child support money to feed our one and only daughter (through the word of a mutual friend), but here is the kicker, she had recently bought her self a nice NEW Dodge pickup. She already owns a NEW car. What it really boils down to is that her first two ex-H's do not pay their child support on a regular basis, and I do religiously. She thinks that she can hit me up for it because I still love her children.

Of course I do chip in for any extras that we mutually agree on, such as extracurricular activities, after school programs, sports, self defense, dance, and so forth.


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## Wheels65

> She was having some expense troubles.


So what stopping her from working more hours, getting a second job?

Instead of a sense of entitlement I'd like to see more people in this country learn to solve their own problems


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## Lon

Shoeguy, why can't she make your child lunches at home (thats what my mom did for us when we were poor, we seemed to get by on bologne sandwiches and apples just fine)? Tell her if she can't even feed her own kid, especially with all the financial support you are providing for that specific purpose, then she is a crappy mother.


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## sisters359

In our state, most lunch fees can be paid online so if you want to investigate that option, go ahead. Just tell her that you want any changes to be made through the court, and that is pretty easy if you two agree on the changes. You should also have copies of the financial disclosures from the time of the divorce and you can ask her why the settlement does not seem to cover everything. If she has a legitimate concern, fine, but if she is just being pushy, this might shut her up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heavensangel

Shoeguy said:


> In addition to my 1200 monthly child support I pay for their medical insurance and 50% of any co-pay. On top of that I pay 50% of any extra activity and privte school tuition. I paid 100% last year so I think she is starting to realize she is on the hook this year for the other 50%. those payments are due in April.
> 
> I'm not complaining about the staus quo but pretty stuck in the mud when it comes to changing/adding more. I have never asked for proof of the activity fees, horse, uniform costs, etc and given the check easily and quickly. Just something about this morning and asking for lunch money really got to me and I felt was a little over the top.
> 
> I guess I've turned the corner of always trying to make it the easiest for my ex and this is an example of that. She probably has already made many budget changes but I think she must have missed this one and she it needs to address it some other way. Our oldest turns 16 this month and has been talking about driving. I have already told my ex that the custodial parent picks up the car insurance she may be feeling that pressure as well.
> 
> i guess my point is we both have made sacrifices through this and not once did I ask if she could REDUCE the child support because was having a money issue. I took it as a given that I would pay becasue that is my reponsibility. Not that she has had it easy but she got to avoid all the costs of moving and establishing a safe, comfortable enviroment for the kids because she stayed in the house. Maybe a little credit for that would be nice but I can live without it.
> 
> I will stop going down that path but hopefully you get the point.
> 
> Shoeguy


She should be so lucky to have an exH who actually 'pays'! Many, Many exW's would kill to be in her shoes! I had to take my exH back to court to put a lien on a settlement he was receiving in order to get some of the >20k he owed me. He never paid more than the support itself. Asking for his portion of the medical/dental bills was like 'pulling teeth'. But you know he needed the $$ to buy his big screen TVs and such. When it was all said & done, kids grown & gone, he was still in arrears >10k. I, wanting to be 'done' with him for GOOD, agreed to cancel the remaining arrearage. 

The best revenge (I know it's not good to want it) in all of it...... is hearing from your kids that they knew who REALLY sacrificed & had their best interests at heart!!! 

You keep doing what you think is right. In the end, the relationship you have with your kids will make it ALL worth while. 

To answer your question: Lunch $$ should come from the $1200 you already pay.


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## southbound

I'm on the paying side of child support, and I'm sure there are different situations. I'm sure there are parents who walk out and have very little contact with their kids. As for me, I see my kids about as much as my x wife. So, not only do I not have a check coming in, I have a fat one going out. I'm not offering up any extra.


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## Shoeguy

I'll continue to hold my ground about lunch money and try to hold back any new pushes from my ex. I think each request/situation is different and each require some thought. This is life we are talking about and I don't think you can have a blanket "no" because things do change all the time.

I'm dong my best to earn that statement from my kids someday, eventhough I wasn't there 100% of the time, that they realized that i was still supporting them through this current situation as well as their lives. 

I was a little surprised that my 13 year old had no idea that I was giving her mother money each month. Not that she needs to know. Part of me saw that as a great job done by me and my ex that we were somehow able to let the innocense of a 13 yr old stay away from the financical impact of divorce. My worry now is that her mothers finances troubles are becoming more apparent and I won't be there.

To me the divorces impact on the kids is the worse. I can control how I deal with the change in my life but I can't control theirs. The best I can do is provide a good enviroment for them when they visit me, stay active in their lives, be open and honest with them and keep my end of the financial repsonsibility that was struck at divorce court. If I'm able to do that I will be proud with myself.

Have a great day.

Shoeguy


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