# I feel lost. I don't know which direction to go



## rondo (Jun 2, 2016)

Hi All. I hope url can help me. I've know my husband for 4 years and have been married to him for 2 years. We've had problems since the beginning of our marriage. However we've had our good times too. My husband is a good man, he treats me well and I really love him but he has a problem with constantly cheating. I've caught him chatting sexually to women on numerous occasions. He says he hasn't touched a women after marriage but I've lost my trust in him so I don't know if its true. He hides his phone all the time and gets angry when I secretly check his phone. I haven't seen his phone in months however last night I decided to see what he's been doing and once again I've been cheated on. It was all good for the past few months that I haven't checked his phone. I thought he changed and we were happy together. But he's disappointed me again. I don't know what to do. He says he loves me and he doesn't know why he does it but I just don't understand it. I don't know if he'll ever change his ways. I'm lost, I don't know if I should seperate or divorce pls help
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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You're married to a serial cheater. Welcome to the rest of your life. It's only been two years of marriage so cut your losses and divorce.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

He has no reason to change his ways because you accept it. There were and are no consequences for his actions. You married him although he cheated on you before marriage. There was absolutely no reason for him to change. Not his "love" for you or a fear of losing you or whatever. He is a serial cheater who regrets getting caught, but not cheating on you.

You "just" have to decide if you want to live like that (and I assume you don't) so it's best to end it for good and try to find someone who will respect you and be loyal to you. 

And he does not treat you well if he is cheating on you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Give him the air! You need to be treated with the dignity and respect that any self-respecting wife deserves. You deserve far, far more out of life than being a willing shill to his extracurricular sexual shenanigans!

Get yourself to a good family lawyer's office ASAP to properly assess your legal, marital, and property rights!*
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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Actions, not words.

He has made the decision for you. His actions have shown you, "What HE thinks of YOU". His thoughts? God only knows...but they are not marriage worthy.

Kick him out...pack his duffle bag and roll it off the front porch.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Serial cheaters are like scorpions. It is their nature to cheat just as it is a scorpion's nature to sting. 

He is never going to change.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
DO NOT become pregnant. Your H is too immature for an adult relationship much less for fatherhood. You must evaluate the prospects of a real future with him and act accordingly.


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## chatabox (May 4, 2016)

My ex was like this. I was young and naive, and believed him when he showed remorse. I thought he never physically cheated, so I put up with it for 8 years before it got to be too much. And then I found out after the fact that there had been a lot of physical cheating too. Once they start, they won't stop. Especially if there is no fear of losing you. 

He's never going to change. Can you live with him this way? If not, you need to move on to someone who truly will love and appreciate you.


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## 00buck (Jun 2, 2016)

As long as he is playing the field, Your health is at risk as well.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Divorce, do not pass go, just head to a lawyer and end your misery.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Contact a lawyer, do not let your WH know, ensure all your ducks are in a row with regard to your accommodation, financing, etc. Then give him the divorce papers. There is no way to change a serial cheater, your life will be hell living with the uncertainty, the pain of betrayal etc, you will end up with kids, and your life will be a bigger hell. Do not go there, run now while you have the chance! Good luck!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A few lines from Carly Simon:

You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and...

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't You?



HE KNOWS why he cheats on you. He likes the attention.

He cheats on you because HE CAN. Apparently, he is able to get a few female schlubs to gaze his way, graze in his patch.....with eyes glazed over.

He is a surface feeder [he has no depth of character] He is getting re-gurgitated barf from sucker bottom-feeders. These home-breakers are garbage and he is the Trash Man.

And you, my dear, are a Keeper, a wife to be cherished and respected. 

This is a mismatch.....a Marriage made in Hell-vin.

Sorry.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

He's a serial cheat, and he's not going to stop.

Why would he? Up until now, you've showed him that there's really no reason for him to stop.

Change the dynamic and file for divorce ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## red37 (Feb 19, 2016)

Im sorry you are going through this. I pray for you and your family and hope your husband stop doing what he is doing.

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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Rondo, you have a much bigger problem than he does: You are self destructive. He's having a good time!

Don't look at his phone, don't snoop around. Sit down with him, let him know his behavior is unacceptable and in order for you to remain in the marriage he needs to stop. If he refuses or cannot, then you need to put your Nike's on and get out of there. You're abusing yourself otherwise.

As a P.S. anyone who marries someone who claims to "Have problems from the beginning" is also a glutton for punishment. Get some therapy, too...so you can stay strong and not make the same mistake.


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## TiredHubby2791 (Aug 26, 2015)

Rondo, sorry you are going through this right now. Unfortunately, the other posters are spot on. He won't stop and he obviously has zero respect for you or the sanctity of your vows. 

Before you take any action, seek the advice of a good family attorney and/or get one retained. Hopefully you won't have a huge battle on your hands that will also victimize you financially. 

Good luck and god bless.


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