# Oral Sex Issue



## Englishchick (Nov 14, 2012)

My husband really enjoys oral sex. The problem is I'm.... not good at it. And I don't really enjoy it. I do however enjoy pleasing him so if it is something he wants I am totally willing to do it. However, due to several issues I have asked him to be patient with me and let me work up to his desired goal of oral sex to...completion. So far he'd been really good about it and tonight I decided to surprise him and tell him I was going to try to do it to completion for him and lo' and behold I did it!!! However as he was ....finishing he started moving erratically and forcing it deeper that I could comfortably deal with and I had to stop. ( Due to gag reflex it was either stop or vomit on him.... I figured stop was the better route to take.) He got upset and told me "we're never doing this again." I'm very disheartened and upset by this for a couple of reasons. One being I was kind of proud of myself that I was finally able to bring him to orgasm with oral because in the past I'd never been able to the second was I really want to be able to do this for him because I know it is a need he has and I want to fulfill it for him. Does anyone have advice as to how to discuss this with him and explain it to him without it turning into a fight or someone having hurt feelings? It really hurt me that he couldn't be happy that I'm TRYING!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Number 1: practice makes perfect.

Number 2: your husband is acting like an ass.

Number 3: your husband is acting like a self defeating ass. That kind of thing tends to backfire on a man. I hope it doesn't.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Continue trying! And, like you, he's going to have to exercise some patience in expecting you to get it right! The best part of the journey is taking your time to get there.

After all Rome wasn't exactly built in a day and you will greatly find that "practice makes perfect!"


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

If you keep practicing you will learn to suppress your gag reflex.

Also, the gag reflex is suppressed automatically when you are sexually aroused. Maybe try masturbating yourself while doing it.

I agree that his "never doing this again" comment was a self-defeating ass thing to say.

You are getting better. He should be happy about that.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I personally think you should have thrown up on him. No really. He would have known you gave it your all. Grab him a towel after you clean yourself up and tell him you're sorry. Gives him a chance to think about it while he's waiting.

What a dolt.(he is)


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## smilinatu (Jan 9, 2012)

Englishchick said:


> My husband really enjoys oral sex. The problem is I'm.... not good at it. And I don't really enjoy it. I do however enjoy pleasing him so if it is something he wants I am totally willing to do it. However, due to several issues I have asked him to be patient with me and let me work up to his desired goal of oral sex to...completion. So far he'd been really good about it and tonight I decided to surprise him and tell him I was going to try to do it to completion for him and lo' and behold I did it!!! However as he was ....finishing he started moving erratically and forcing it deeper that I could comfortably deal with and I had to stop. ( Due to gag reflex it was either stop or vomit on him.... I figured stop was the better route to take.) He got upset and told me "we're never doing this again." I'm very disheartened and upset by this for a couple of reasons. One being I was kind of proud of myself that I was finally able to bring him to orgasm with oral because in the past I'd never been able to the second was I really want to be able to do this for him because I know it is a need he has and I want to fulfill it for him. Does anyone have advice as to how to discuss this with him and explain it to him without it turning into a fight or someone having hurt feelings? It really hurt me that he couldn't be happy that I'm TRYING!


Hi, EC. You deserve great praise for wanting to please him so much. Did you explain to him what happened and why you kind of pulled away at the end? (Is that an accurate description?) Frankly, I think he is over-reacting, but the important thing that he should recognize is how lucky he is to have a wife who cares enough to try to please him with an act she does not enjoy performing. 

By the way, no man, and I mean no man, will resist your next approach at oral sex. Don't tell him in advance you want to try again. Just move in slowly and look lovingly into his eyes as you start. Then just keep going exactly as you did the last time. When you sense he is nearing the end, pull your mouth up to the head of his penis, and stroke him as you continue with your mouth. Use your hand to prevent him from penetrating too deeply. 

Good luck. All men should have such a problem.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your husband isn't normally an ass because you are being really nice to him. 

My bet is he's embarrassed. He lost control and made you gag. Instead of owning his own negative feelings about it he took it out on you.

How I'd go about it depends largely on how he is otherwise. If he's normally critical I'd agree with him and say "okay" to his wish to never do it again. Yes I'm evil.

If he likes to pick fights I'd simply just not do it again until he brings it up and when he does you say "I'm not interested if I'm going to get yelled at for doing it wrong".

If he's otherwise an okay guy you simply say "I'm not okay being criticized when I'm working so hard to please you. It hurts my feelings."


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

First of all I've never had bad oral sometimes Better than others but never bad. Kudos to you for trying and your husband gets mad you should kick his butt. He should buy you flowers for your effort. I would
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Hey EC good on you for being so keen to please your man... he's a lucky man.

I simply suggest keep the communication open. Why did he react the way he did? What was he thinking/feeling? Does he understand why you pulled away they way you did? Have you asked him this?

He reaction was dumba$$ but don't let it put you off. Maybe even try googling 'giving a great blowjob'. You'll find both written and visual info... hope it helps.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I agree with others in that practise makes perfect. However, this works both ways. Your H needs to learn how to RECEIVE oral sex equally as much as you might need to perfect your technique. The latter isn't going to happen unless he works with you...


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Your husband is acting like a ****...He should be thrilled that you are doing something so intimate ONLY to please him! 

What an ass!!!!

When he appreciates you and you try this act again, keep your hands around the shaft, so that when he starts thrusting at the end, YOU can control the depth...not him. I still can't believe his poor reaction...wow!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

You can probably get him to cum without having to deep throat. If you're working the head (most sensitive area) and using a mouth/hand combo, that should do the trick.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Just to point this out, in case you don't already understand it, the penis gets much larger and the hips really want to thrust when you are about to "finish". To some degree it is uncontrollable. Could be a technique thing on your end regarding how you hold your head (I dunno, I've never sucked a ****  ).

The hand/mouth combo mentioned is good too, at least for me. Maybe you can work on a smooth transition from good head to finishing with your hand, if you can't figure out how to handle him cumming in your mouth.

Also, some guys really perceive the not cumming in the mouth as a gesture of rejection (the logic being you aren't willing to receive him at his moment of greatest vulnerability). Not me personally, I'm plenty satisfied busting off however/wherever, but that might give you some perspective on why he is upset.

PS, I personally would not have been thrilled with being told you were ready to try finishing in your mouth. Would have been hotter to just have you do it.

Good luck, and I don't believe for a second he won't let you try again. Kudos to you for being so interested in pleasing him.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> You can probably get him to cum without having to deep throat. If you're working the head (most sensitive area) and using a mouth/hand combo, that should do the trick.


This x100. When he's getting close, wrap your hand around the shaft loosely (so his penis will slide without any "binding") and just let the head go in and out of your mouth. Your hand will work as a spacer so he can't go too deep. And if he shoves in as he's coming, that's when you grip hard with your hand.

PS yeah your hubby is being an A$$ but if he's normally not. Just talk with him and explain you really want to please him so you want to do it again. PS my exwife gave me 2 half hearted (like 2 minutes and NO WHERE NEAR completion) blowjobs in our entire marriage so your husband is VERY lucky!


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> This x100. When he's getting close, wrap your hand around the shaft loosely (so his penis will slide without any "binding") and just let the head go in and out of your mouth. Your hand will work as a spacer so he can't go too deep. And if he shoves in as he's coming, that's when you grip hard with your hand.


To add to this, get his d1ck all sloppy wet with your saliva and it will lubricate things so you won't have to worry too much about the "binding". 

And some nice tight pressure (with the hand) will feel awesome expecially at the moment of climax.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

There are some good pointers here - I'll add to that with the pointer that when you first start, lubricate the entire shaft with saliva. Then use your hand wrapped around the shaft basically as an extension of your mouth. Move it up and down the shaft at the same pace and rhythm of your movements with your mouth.

As you are moving up and down on the head with your mouth, take your tongue and flick it along the shaft and head, then use it as a suction against the head as he gets more excited.

I'd also recommend using your other hand to cup and fondle his balls and (if he likes it) to reach back and stroke the area right behind his testicles, pressing gently.

Try to relax your throat as you feel he's getting closer - it will help with the gag reflex but there are also some desensitizing sprays if you're really sensitive.

Lastly - tell him you're willing to try and learn but that he needs to be patient and kind with you. He's lucky he has a wife willing to learn.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

And don't forget to include the balls, perineum and anus. Some nice attention down there via the fingers and/or tongue will hasten the orgasm.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Number 1: practice makes perfect.
> 
> Number 2: your husband is acting like an ass.
> 
> Number 3: your husband is acting like a self defeating ass. That kind of thing tends to backfire on a man. I hope it doesn't.


Completely agree. I'm sure you didn't find his pouting sexy, OP. His mindset should have been, "well i guess we need to practice more."


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

tcsredhead said:


> there are some good pointers here - i'll add to that with the pointer that when you first start, lubricate the entire shaft with saliva. Then use your hand wrapped around the shaft basically as an extension of your mouth. Move it up and down the shaft at the same pace and rhythm of your movements with your mouth.
> 
> As you are moving up and down on the head with your mouth, take your tongue and flick it along the shaft and head, then use it as a suction against the head as he gets more excited.
> 
> ...


very lucky


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Just want to put in a word for the husband here - it's possible that, no matter how much he enjoyed it, what he didn't like was seeing a painful/uncomfortable reaction from his wife, and doesn't want to put her through that again.

(I know it can be like that - had a similar experience with a gf once.)

I suggest two things. 
Firstly, explain that it's something that you want to get good at, and want to practice, and (if you can say it honestly) that it's not just because he likes it, but because you like to do it for him.
Secondly, can he try to control his instinct to thrust. 

No man who loves his wife likes to think that she's hurting to give him pleasure. It takes all the joy out of it, and makes him feel depressed, possibly like he's being abusive.

He may need a little coaxing to try again, but it shouldn't be too hard if you explain.


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