# need husbands' opinion...



## LMcP08 (Nov 21, 2008)

Hi people. I just need a guy's opinion on some things. I am in a bind.
Well, my relationship with my husband has been kinda rocky. We dated for three months, then moved in together (stupid mistake). We lived together for three years but had constant trust issues. He accused me of calling phone sex lines (It really was an accusation out of no where! I am pretty innocent but open minded about these porn things), then I found out he was calling them ALOT after I left for work in the morning, before I got home in the evening, then even after I went to bed. I found out about it, got pissed and confronted him and then got over it (kind of).
Then one day he accused me of having sex with his dog. I don't know if he was joking or what. I found out later he was into porn involving girls with dogs. Something I am NOT cool with. I never confronted him on this. I don't know how to relate to this at all. It really grossed me out but I didn't want to make him feel like a dirty piece of crap so I left it alone.
Then once he took one of my friend's numbers out of my phone (a friend that obviously had a crush on him before we were together) and wrote the number on a piece of paper in his handwriting which I later found in his things. His phone records revealed he had never called her but he obviously was thinking about hooking up with her I believe. He denied everything and had no idea where the number came from.
He also talked me into dropping all my guy friends because he was convinced they all just wanted to sleep with me.
He got mad when I wore makeup and/or wore certain articles of clothing, like spaghetti straps or skirts, or even heels for that matter.
So this was all in the first two years that we were together. He constantly accused me of things, then I would find out he was doing something behind my back, although I don't believe he actually ever cheated on me. 
So in our third year together he proposed. I moved out of his place, I felt so smothered. I continued having a relationship with him but also someone else too and I was not honest with him about the other guy. Needless to say he found out and we broke up for a year. The other guy was out of the picture very quickly after that too.
So we got back together after a year of being apart- he initiated everything. We got pregnant two months later and then married when i was three months pregnant. 
So everything was perfect until I was six months pregnant he stopped having sex with me. He says the thought of the baby being present freaked him out which I can kind of understand if I was a guy. Instead he turns to hard core porn which made me feel sexy (sarcasm). I mean very hard core and I never confronted him because again, I didn't know how to relate to all that stuff. 
We actually went five months without having sex in our first seven months of marriage due to the baby and me recovering after the baby and all. It really devastated me being a newly wed. Then I snooped on the computer and saw he was checking out local strippers' pages on myspace. That hurt my feelings too being I was pregnant and all. I never confronted him about that either.
Anyway, now that the baby's come and we are able to have sex again it's like his attitude sucks in the bedroom, like he is so bored. I only weigh 5 more pounds than I did before and I've always been a good looking girl, not to sound conceited or anything. I go to the gym almost everyday and I'm getting my figure back but it's like a chore for him to have sex with me. 
He looks at porn and strippers every chance he gets when I'm not around and it really makes me feel like an old hag when he won't even sleep with me.
Also, he has a best friend who is a girl. She hates my guts after we broke up. She doesn't even know me because he never let me hang out with her. He made me get rid of my guy friends so he quit talking to his chick friends to be fare. After we broke up he was best friends with her again. But now they don't talk again. She told him, he says, that she said she wouldn't ever talk to him again if he got back with me. It pisses me off because his family loves and accepts me. They know that my husband is a handful and has NEVER had a girlfriend he has been faithful to besides me.
My problem is, and thanks for reading all my drama, that after all this, his friends don't really like me because I "cheated" on him. I have a hard time going out with him and his friends because I know they think I am a piece of crap. There are a few that are really nice to me but the rest are just kinda rude. 
They have no idea what my husband has put me through or what lead me to move out and us breaking up. I feel we are married, I had his baby and people just need to accept that but I really wish I could tell them that we had problems in the beginning and things lead up to us breaking up. Really I feel like I shouldn't even bring it up to his friends and I avoid hanging out with them every chance I can but soon there is a huge birthday party coming up and I am dreading it cause everyone will be there.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Red flags, porn addiction, trust issues, His obsessive behavior, Him limiting your friends as a method of control, verbal abuse.

I think you need to really consider your relationship with your husband.

What do you want from these forums?

draconis


----------



## LMcP08 (Nov 21, 2008)

Well I guess I needed help on how to deal with his friends but now you have caught my attention to the porn thing. 
Do you really think I am dealing with a porn addict? How serious can that be? What can I do to get him away from this?
I know there are red flags but I am in too deep now. We have not even been married for a year and we have a two month old baby. I would like to work things out at least for the baby. 
Do you think I can get him out of this porn thing?


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

LMcP08 said:


> Hi people. I just need a guy's opinion on some things. I am in a bind.
> Well, my relationship with my husband has been kinda rocky. We dated for three months, then moved in together (stupid mistake). We lived together for three years but had constant trust issues. He accused me of calling phone sex lines (It really was an accusation out of no where! I am pretty innocent but open minded about these porn things), then I found out he was calling them ALOT after I left for work in the morning, before I got home in the evening, then even after I went to bed. I found out about it, got pissed and confronted him and then got over it (kind of).
> Then one day he accused me of having sex with his dog. I don't know if he was joking or what. I found out later he was into porn involving girls with dogs. Something I am NOT cool with. I never confronted him on this. I don't know how to relate to this at all. It really grossed me out but I didn't want to make him feel like a dirty piece of crap so I left it alone.
> Then once he took one of my friend's numbers out of my phone (a friend that obviously had a crush on him before we were together) and wrote the number on a piece of paper in his handwriting which I later found in his things. His phone records revealed he had never called her but he obviously was thinking about hooking up with her I believe. He denied everything and had no idea where the number came from.
> ...


...and now, here i am 20 years later, wondering "what should i do?"


if you don't stand up for yourself now, you're headed for my last sentence being the conclusion to your missive.

he has issue. i'm not qualified to go into them (he likes doggie porn, huh? that proves the old maxim "there's a butt for every seat") but he need to be shopping around for counseling. this behavior just escalates, it does not "go away."

tell him what you know and tell him to find help. because you don't want to live like this.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Okay, first the porn thing. If you feel comfortable with what he watches, he does it with you. It doesn't take away from sex, or cause sexual issues or fights than I wouldn't see a problem.

However, he is into some weird stuff. He still sneaks the porn without you. He accuses you about his fantasy stuff. It has replace some intamancy and sex...yeah it is an issue.

Verbal abuse and controlling issues. He doesn't want you to have male friends but it is okay to have female friends? Did you ever do anything with these guy friends that would be a trust issue?

If not than there is a huge red flag. The first way to take away a persons self esteem is to take away their friends. The second thing is to make them feel bad about themselves. Than the final stage is to take away independence most often leave them with little or no control of money and a car. Removing family is often hard and some go to great lengths like moving far away.

draconis


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

LMcP08-

I'm going to be tough here. 

There are women who can handle this sort of man. You are not one of them. He actually sounds so mentally deranged, that I fear for you. Pack your bags one day while he is out, and never come back. Or as voivod says:



> ...and now, here i am 20 years later, wondering "what should i do?"


----------

