# Branded Sexual Pervert



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

I was thinking the other day,How being a HD male I have been labeled and branded by my wife.If we were to divorce or I died.My identity would be that I was a sex pervert,Everything was Sex Sex Sex.It all I ever talk about.
Not at all who I' am at all.I have never had Sex Sex Sex,If anything I have been sexual deprived.Why the blame,Its like if we divorce she would tell her Mom ,Dad,Family Friends,How bad I was to her.It would be her only complaint about me.Seems like the HD person is always to blame for a bad Marriage.
So because I don't want to go down like this I am changing the way it works in my house.No more asking for Sex,No Weining for it.Not pissed off any longer about it.No sexual advances.No sexual touching,For three weeks into it and the women as not even noticed.Its like I have been branded for life.Now I don't want her sexual.She can keep it.Save it for the next guy??How long does it take to lose the title of Wanting a balanced sex life with these LD people


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, sucks.

How old are the two of you? 
How long have you been married?
How many children do you have?

How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you doing things that you both enjoy?


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I'm a sex pervert, and I'm proud of who I am.


Ya I as well,Not ashamed at all , Nor do I feel the amout of sex I would enjoy in life is out of line.Its just that sharing your life with a person who has lack of sexual desire.They tend to blame you for having a problem.It has always been my problem.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> Seems like the HD person is always to blame for a bad Marriage.


"Seems" is the keyword here. There have been many posts on here that I have read where the LD person is blamed as well. 

Ask your wife if she wants to salvage whats left of the marriage, if she does, then I would suggest MC. Even if shes the LD spouse and you are the HD spouse,to label you as a sex pervert is a little over the top. Perhaps their is a deeper issue going on here.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I too then am a sex pervert I and love it. :smthumbup:

I have done what you have done,no sex anything on your part and your wifee is totally clueless and doesn't even miss the sex after 3+ weeks. That's LD people for you.

If I don't initiate sex, she might make the move 1 - 2x month and she only does this to make sure I'm happy and the marriage isn't going under. Duty Sex.

If I initiate, I might get intimacy 1 - 2x week, but to her, all I want is sex sex sex.

So 1 - 2x month or 1 - 2x week, is too much for her and all I want is sex sex sex. Really?! The reason I talk about sex and did initiate so much, was because I'm sexually starved.

Oh well, as bad as this sounds, relieve yourself, no more begging and no more initiating and when the LD spouse is in the mood  , when rocks grow grass, sorry, nope, lost sexual interest because its been way too long. Try that.

It is good in a way to be free of it but that closeness, intimacy and bonding is also gone as well. Can't have it both ways.

And you won't get a balanced sex life was LD people. A balanced sex life is 3 - 4x each week. That's about the sexual average.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

How often would you like to have sex if she was willing? 

Has she always been the LD spouse? Or is this something recently new? How old is she? Has she been checked for hormone issues or possibly anything medical going on?


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

trey69 said:


> How often would you like to have sex if she was willing?
> 
> Has she always been the LD spouse? Or is this something recently new? How old is she? Has she been checked for hormone issues or possibly anything medical going on?


Yes, She has always been rather uninterested in sex,She is 55,And no she has never asked to see a doctor about her desire.She has told me to see a doctor about my desires.

At this point in my life I would love to have about 30 mins, of sex a week.With a willing lover,Someone who was interested,Someone who really gave a sh8i,Someone with a little passion,


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Just Wondering said:


> Yes, She has always been rather uninterested in sex,She is 55,


55? Could be menopause making the LD worse. It needs to be checked out, I would think she sees a Gynocologist every so often for these things. 

So since she has always been the lower drive person, this is nothing new, so my suggestion, tell her you are at your wits end. Tell her you want to save the marriage and you hope she does as well, and you're looking into some MC for you both. If she doesn't seem interested, then maybe cut your loses, after all you did know she was not interested in it from the get go. I guess you had hoped it would change, it usually doesn't work out like that though.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

It sounds like you went into the marriage already knowing she was LD and maybe you married in hopes she would change. I don't think anyone is to blame here in this situation. I think its a case of mismatched sex drives. Now you will need to figure what you want to do. Stay in it, or move on from it. Its not likely her drive will change, especially if she was always like this. Thats kinda like her going into the marriage knowing you were the HD spouse, but marrying you in hopes your drive would lower and match hers, its not likely to happen.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Every normally functioning human being has sexual urges. The survival of the species depends on it. To those abnormal types who don't experience these urges, the rest of us our perverts. Personally, if my wife is serially withholding from me, I don't care what she thinks or says.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

If she is 55 she should have hit her sexual peek and it don't sound like she even got off the ground yet. Menapause will dampen things but at 55 she should be mid way on that too. Really she and you are missing out on one of the best times of your lives. When women hit there peek and our hormone levels start to equal out with men's Katy bar the door! Sugar you need to find a way to get her to a good genocologist and get those hormones tested! My husband complained yesterday "Gesh women we did it the last three days straight I need a day to rest!" He found the energy to make it one more time later after a message. Get her to a doctor! We are all anatomically created the same...some peoples hormone levels are higher and lower because of nutritional, physical and emotional issues. It is something that can be changed...but she has to be willing to try to find out what is wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

How funny is this? I asked the wife, Hey maybe you should see a doctor about Menapause and Hormones.Maybe he could give you something to help with your desire or lack of.She said why don't I go to the doctor and take a pill to get rid of my problem.
You know I really don't ask for much,I don't see myself to be needie.For all these yrs.What I get is nothing more than Duty Sex,Maintence Sex, Or a Courtesy F88k.To which really only takes a few mins. of her time.Tell me how could a LD wife not be willing to provide their husband with at least that on a regular basis.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> Yes, *She has always been rather uninterested in sex*,She is 55,And no she has never asked to see a doctor about her desire.She has told me to see a doctor about my desires.
> 
> At this point in my life I would love to have about 30 mins, of sex a week.With a willing lover,Someone who was interested,Someone who really gave a sh8i,Someone with a little passion,


Whay was this not a problem for you when you were dating and first got married? Sounds a little like the woman who marries the lazy, shiftless, jobless bum and then is surprised 5 years later that he hasn't become a successful baron of industry.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Sounds like she doesn't want to change. 

She only cares about how it effects her and not you and the relationship.

LD person wins out again and HD person is in the wrong and has to change.

You're a man and have about 10x higher testosterone compared to women. You are built this way and its not a problem requiring medical attention.

She is LD and probably menopause making it even worse. Her responsibility as a loving wife.


Makes no sense to me how LD spouses can get away with this stuff, and always blame their HD spouse.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Put a man in the desert and complain all he wants is water. Go figure.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

How funny is this? I asked the wife, Hey maybe you should see a doctor about Menapause and Hormones.Maybe he could give you something to help with your desire or lack of.She said why don't I go to the doctor and take a pill to get rid of my problem.
You know I really don't ask for much,I don't see myself to be needie.For all these yrs.What I get is nothing more than Duty Sex,Maintence Sex, Or a Courtesy F88k.To which really only takes a few mins. of her time.Tell me how could a LD wife not be willing to provide their husband with at least that on a regular basis.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

zookeeper said:


> Whay was this not a problem for you when you were dating and first got married? Sounds a little like the woman who marries the lazy, shiftless, jobless bum and then is surprised 5 years later that he hasn't become a successful baron of industry.


This how it went. She was hot for sex the whole time we dated.We had a wonderful sex life.Then during the wedding planning it started to go away.I question it at the time and was told because of the wedding planning that she was so stressed to give her time and things will get back to where they were,Well things never got better.But I have always been deeply in love with her.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> You know I really don't ask for much,I don't see myself to be needie.For all these yrs.What I get is nothing more than Duty Sex,Maintence Sex, Or a Courtesy F88k.To which really only takes a few mins. of her time.


Your describing my life. I'll take what I can get right now. I feel a change a comin' tho. I would not worry about how she might brand you. Happiness cures all.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

I'm probably the most perverted man to ever live. But I found someone who appreciates it.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Many of these posts describe my life. I have been told over and over again how I am a pervert because I desire sex. I have also been told it is my problem and I should seek counseling and medical treatment for wanting sex.

For the most part, I just live my life as best I can. I try to be a great father to my kids. I do my best to provide a nice life for my family. I stick to a great routine at the gym. I also take my wife on date nights and family vacations. I feel the financial and emotional destruction of divorce outweigh being stuck in the situation I am in. So, I guess that I choose to remain as is.

I have never really been tempted to cheat. Sure, with all of the time in the gym, I get attention from others. I just let it roll off. Again, going that route would just cause too much destruction. So, it is easier to have a sex starved life and be labeled a pervert by my spouse than it is to move on.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Just Wondering ...I am so sorry she is wrong! She is cheating you out of the best parts of life...loving and being loved! Why be married if you don't want to have sex? Thought that was the big perk to getting married I can ride that boy any time I want. I guess I don't understand people now days. The main reason we got married back in my day was so we could have sex! Telling your partner "no" really wasn't done....actually once you were married the guy didn't ask he just did! Ok the old lady will shut up now...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Keeponrollin (May 14, 2013)

I am HD male pretty much anything goes and I can tell you being married to a LD xwife sucks!! Finding HD female with an open mind is the trick 

Best advice is find someone who you are compatable with because you can lead a horse to water.....


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"So, it is easier to have a sex starved life and be labeled a pervert by my spouse than it is to move on."

How do you know, if you haven't moved on?


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Sometimes the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You can't know what you don't know.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

The only way your going to get someone that set in there ways to change is to really rock her boat. Only you know what it will take to get her off square one.... hand her two cards one from a divorce attorney and one from a marriage counselor/ sex therapist ask her which one she wants you to setup an appointment with its her decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Sure makes you wonder what you are really missing if you give up the duty sex.In my case Sex once every ten days for at the most 10 mins. Do the math that's a half hour a month and 6 hrs of sex a year.So I give that up to witch is really not going to be that hard psyically.But mentally it kills you that you married someone who has no interest in touching you.And thinks that's its OK to treat a man like this


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> Sure makes you wonder what you are really missing if you give up the duty sex.In my case Sex once every ten days for at the most 10 mins. Do the math that's a half hour a month and 6 hrs of sex a year.So I give that up to witch is really not going to be that hard psyically.But mentally it kills you that you married someone who has no interest in touching you.And thinks that's its OK to treat a man like this


Its no way to treat anyone. Man or woman.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just Wondering said:


> I was thinking the other day,How being a HD male I have been labeled and branded by my wife.If we were to divorce or I died.My identity would be that I was a sex pervert,Everything was Sex Sex Sex.It all I ever talk about.
> Not at all who I' am at all.I have never had Sex Sex Sex,If anything I have been sexual deprived.Why the blame,Its like if we divorce she would tell her Mom ,Dad,Family Friends,How bad I was to her.It would be her only complaint about me.Seems like the HD person is always to blame for a bad Marriage.
> So because I don't want to go down like this I am changing the way it works in my house.No more asking for Sex,No Weining for it.Not pissed off any longer about it.No sexual advances.No sexual touching,For three weeks into it and the women as not even noticed.Its like I have been branded for life.Now I don't want her sexual.She can keep it.Save it for the next guy??How long does it take to lose the title of Wanting a balanced sex life with these LD people


A lot of us have been in this situation. My wife used to say the same thing... "all you think about is sex!" or "you want sex every night!" No, actually I ask for sex every night and get turned down, so I ask the following night. Rinse and repeat.

I also tried the "forget about sex" routine. I figured the frustration of not being interested in sex would be easier than the frustration of being interested but getting shot down, Know what? It isn't.

The frustration and resentment will continue to grow.

I had several discussions with my wife about having "a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship" with her... not "sex". You can have "sex" by yourself. You can have "sex" with a hooker. But what you want from your wife is "a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship".

I used phrases like "I promised monogamy, but not celibacy." and "If sex isn't important to you and this marriage then you won't mind if I find it elsewhere."

If you are meeting her needs... REALLY meeting her needs... and she refuses to meet this need of yours, you need to stop meeting hers. And when two parties in a marriage aren't meeting each other's needs, the marriage is doomed. Divorce MUST always be an option. Otherwise she will realize that not meeting this need is OK.


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

My husband calls me a "sex maniac" I'm use to it now.

It's just because he doesn't want sex nearly as much as me.

I thought I was the only female out there with this problem until I found TAM.


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## toxxik (May 20, 2013)

I think my DH probably thinks this of me because lately it is an all the time need, I have yo say I thought he would be thrilled but he just keeps looking at me liked I am bothering him. Go figure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I'm a sexual "pervert" too I guess. 

I want sex. I enjoy it. I am a sexual being with lots of desire and passion. 

If my SO ever tried to brand me a pervert for it, then so be it I guess. 

I'm a woman, and I have every right to fulfill my sexual needs and wants without anyone slapping a label on me. I won't deny myself sexual pleasure simply because it puts someone else off. I'd be on to the next man who would appreciate my sexual prowess, if you will. 

It's natural, primal, built into us. JMHO. I ain't gonna feel this sexy forever....


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I am a total pervert. I am not ashamed. I think about sex, I talk about sex, I think about my husbands penis----All. The. Time. 

Panda walks into group meeting

Hi, I'm pandakiss and I'm a pervert.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Uncle pervy here too. Glad to know I'm in good company!


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Kids tell me and the big guy to "get a room" or "I'm gonna be scared for life after seeing that"..... I guess that makes us Grandma and Grandpa perv!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Just Wondering said:


> Its like if we divorce she would tell her Mom ,Dad,Family Friends,How bad I was to her.It would be her only complaint about me.


If you think your libido would be your ex-wife's only complaint about you, then you really don't know women.

If you divorced your wife, which doesn't sound likely from your posts, I will bet that she will complain about your libido, your wardrobe, the way you combed your hair, the way you slept, everything. Some of it would be legitimate. Much of it would not be.

So, you can live your life worried about the illegitimate complaints of a woman, or you can stop worrying. It's your choice.

Good luck.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I think it has less to do with her not wanting to have sex with you and more about a deeper issue going on. Some women can separate their physical feelings from their emotional feelings, but some can not. I think your wife's emotional feelings are heavily tied to her physical feelings for you. If the emotional side is gone then chances are so is the physical side.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Is this the pervert club? where do I sign up? Hello my name is Happyquest and I too am a pervert. Or at least the wife agrees I am


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## Racer69 (Aug 27, 2010)

Yes I'm part of the pervert Club but I keep trying. Yes I shout down at time and just don’t bring it up. 

For me, it is fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of being thought of as pervert. I have experienced all three. Every time it sets us back. Being called a pervert by your wife hurts. We have talked, read books went to marriage weekends ect. I feel like a pervert now when I talk about new sex ideas. I've been married for 29 and for most of that time it been the same position the same way, two to three times a month. Some say you know what you were getting it to before you got married, in my case we dated for five years and we both were virgins on our wedding night. So I had no idea what would be considered normal. 

Statement I’ve heard over the years: 
“Is that all you think about” 
“Where did you come up with that idea” 
“You want me to do what to you” 
“Why do you want me to do that” 
“ I can’t believe you would ask me to do that” 
“God does not want us to do that” 
“I wish I would have known I was marring a pervert”
“I would be so embarrassed if anyone know we did that”
“I just don’t know if I can trust you. You my rape my someday”
“Real people don’t do that"
and my favorite
“Good girls don’t do that”

With all that I keep trying. It seams the more we talk about new thing the less we have sex. But I’m in this for life and I will not give up. Yes I feel hurt, Yes I feel rejected and yes I even feel like a pervert. But I just keep trying to be the best hurt, rejected perverted husband I can be. 

I have found it is very hard for the spouse that is creative to change and just forgets about trying new things.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer69 said:


> Yes I'm part of the pervert Club but I keep trying. Yes I shout down at time and just don’t bring it up.
> 
> For me, it is fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of being thought of as pervert. I have experienced all three. Every time it sets us back. Being called a pervert by your wife hurts. We have talked, read books went to marriage weekends ect. I feel like a pervert now when I talk about new sex ideas. I've been married for 29 and for most of that time it been the same position the same way, two to three times a month. Some say you know what you were getting it to before you got married, in my case we dated for five years and we both were virgins on our wedding night. So I had no idea what would be considered normal.
> 
> ...


Your too hurt to even have a chance.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

At age 66 I am still good to go for one in the morning and one at bedtime with a nooner or two thrown in for good measure....

Thankfully my wonderful wife was also HD, and twice a day didn't even raise an eyebrow...I have often said "We didn't get out much".....

As bad as an HD/LD marriage can become, let me assure you an HD/HD marriage can be glorious....

I find it sad that couples are thrown together almost at random, and are then expected to live out a mis-matched sex life...

My wife's sexuality has waned of late (47 years of marriage) and I confess it is a struggle even at the age of 66 years......

Our twice daily routine has become twice weekly, but I can cope. She is the one and only woman for me, and will be for life....

good luck
the woodchuck


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> How funny is this? I asked the wife, Hey maybe you should see a doctor about Menapause and Hormones.Maybe he could give you something to help with your desire or lack of.She said why don't I go to the doctor and take a pill to get rid of my problem.
> You know I really don't ask for much,I don't see myself to be needie.For all these yrs.What I get is nothing more than Duty Sex,Maintence Sex, Or a Courtesy F88k.To which really only takes a few mins. of her time.Tell me how could a LD wife not be willing to provide their husband with at least that on a regular basis.


Wow, that is one mean mean reply! Wow! Tell her you went to the dr. and the solution to your problem (per the dr.) is to be castrated and that you are going to schedule it. Don't forget to warn her the side effect is that you no longer stay interested in being married...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

KendalMintcake said:


> Wow, that is one mean mean reply! Wow! Tell her you went to the dr. and the solution to your problem (per the dr.) is to be castrated and that you are going to schedule it. Don't forget to warn her the side effect is that you no longer stay interested in being married...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously, how dare any spouse say something so cruel!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Nothing is more confusing than someone replying to their own reply.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

A lot of really good points have been made in this thread....I find the "duty sex" comment fascinating....

Ten minutes a week, 40 minutes a month, 8 hours a year, and a man would at least not feel like a total sexual time bomb 24-7.

And yet even that is just too much for the wife to bare.......

And yet the husband is pounding his a$$ off at a job he probably hates at least 40 hours a week 50 weeks a year....Is this reason for resentment????? 

Hell, at my last job I spent 100 hours a year just driving to and from work.....

What is the tremendous mental or physical cost a woman must pay to give her man a bare minimum of sexual satisfaction??????

I don't get it, and don't think I ever will...

the woodchuck
needs an answer


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> A lot of really good points have been made in this thread....I find the "duty sex" comment fascinating....
> 
> Ten minutes a week, 40 minutes a month, 8 hours a year, and a man would at least not feel like a total sexual time bomb 24-7.
> 
> ...


Why is it such a big deal to realize a large percentage of people need time, some attention and some affection. If you want to starve them of this, but yet reap benefits should you really be with them? 

What if you realize your not feeling it, should you also deprive them of this?

It seems simple to me.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I feel your pain. I have tried the not asking for, complaining, whining, etc. and like you.....weeks go by and they don't seem to mind. Only I am the female and it's my husband who doesn't care.

It is not because I am a bum and let myself go. I take good care of myself and there is no shortage of interest from other men. But it is MY husband that I want to want me. I guess I'll die with the pervert label as well.


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> I was thinking the other day,How being a HD male I have been labeled and branded by my wife.If we were to divorce or I died.My identity would be that I was a sex pervert,Everything was Sex Sex Sex.It all I ever talk about.
> Not at all who I' am at all.I have never had Sex Sex Sex,If anything I have been sexual deprived.Why the blame,Its like if we divorce she would tell her Mom ,Dad,Family Friends,How bad I was to her.It would be her only complaint about me.Seems like the HD person is always to blame for a bad Marriage.
> So because I don't want to go down like this I am changing the way it works in my house.No more asking for Sex,No Weining for it.Not pissed off any longer about it.No sexual advances.No sexual touching,For three weeks into it and the women as not even noticed.Its like I have been branded for life.Now I don't want her sexual.She can keep it.Save it for the next guy??How long does it take to lose the title of Wanting a balanced sex life with these LD people


Totally agree. I'm the HD person in my marriage and my husband is ALWAYS telling me that he's tired/etc.

Love it totally about compromise. It means you don't get it every time you want it and she gives it sometimes when she doesn't want to.

The only time my drive got low was after my second child.. and it was just because I was having a hard time equating to the pleasure when I was spending HOURS feeding a baby with my body and I felt dawdy and gross.. My husband also lost almost ALL interest in me during the pregnancy part (too weird for him) so I had been abstinent for going on 12 months by the time we finally did it.. and I just wasn't feeling it.

Now it's a year after my son was born and I'm feeling SUPER horny all the time.. it comes back. 

Maybe start doing some other stuff with her. Lead her into it.. ask her what SHE'D like to do the next time you have sex. If my husband ever did this I would be SOOOO turned on....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> How funny is this? I asked the wife, Hey maybe you should see a doctor about Menapause and Hormones.Maybe he could give you something to help with your desire or lack of.She said why don't I go to the doctor and take a pill to get rid of my problem.
> You know I really don't ask for much,I don't see myself to be needie.For all these yrs.What I get is nothing more than Duty Sex,Maintence Sex, Or a Courtesy F88k.To which really only takes a few mins. of her time.Tell me how could a LD wife not be willing to provide their husband with at least that on a regular basis.


You get duty sex?

You lucky stiff...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You get duty sex?
> 
> You lucky stiff...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think part of the problem is also in how some men approach it.

TELL her.. but tell her in a way that's going to get that answer you want. Seduce your wife/woman.. treat her like your wooing her and see what happens.

Examples:

"Hey baby... **HONKS BREASTS*"... NO

"Darling, you are looking so good today I can't help wanting to touch you." .. YES

"Baby... this girl at work was wearing a tight skirt and now I wanna F your brains out." ... NO

"You are incredibly sexy. I love you so much." ... YES

"It'll only take a few seconds.." ... NO

"What would you say if I told you I've been thinking about you all day at work and was dying to get you naked and treat you like a queen?" .. YES

"You just have to lay there." ... NO

"I want to get you naked, kiss every inch of your skin and push you against the wall and let you feel what you do to me." ... TOTALLY YES

Anyways.. You see what I'm getting at.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

We live in a society (and you see it right here on TAM) that tells women that if they like sex, they are "used up" and "loose" and "not marriage material."

Women internalize these things and, to be virtuous, bury their sexuality.

We end up with men who want their wives to love sex...and for some, to be simultaneously sexually inexperienced before them...but we bash them for liking sex when they do. And so that gives us unhappy husbands who really just want to get laid...and regularly.

This sexual repression of women has had devastating consequences for men.

It's not natural to dislike sex. It goes against our animal instinct to reproduce.

But so many women have been told that if she is to be respected, taken seriously as a potential wife, she must suppress her sexual self.

It behooves men to realize what these messages do to some women's sex drives...you're either a Madonna or a wh0re and nothing in between. 

You're not wrong to love sex and want it frequently. There is everything right with that.

But understand that your wife has faced a lifetime of sexual mixed messages from society.

It's so sad to see someone reject sex time and again. It's one of life's greatest gifts...

You kind of have to pity someone who can't enjoy it....but it's hard to pity someone who is depriving you of sex at the same time.

Anybody who doesn't like sex needs therapy. It's simply not the natural order of things. 

Nature doesn't propagate itself without sex.

Low drive isn't normal. It's unhealthy. It is a psychological or medical problem. It's not meant to be accepted. Push, push, push...demand she tries to fix this (with your loving support).


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

By the way, I wear the "pervert" badge with pride. It means I grabbed hold of life and enjoyed every beautiful sexual experience I could, while I could. We could make a perverts club  I bet it would be the happiest group of people lol


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

KimatraAKM said:


> "I want to get you naked, kiss every inch of your skin and push you against the wall and let you feel what you do to me." ... TOTALLY YES


God I wish my Husband would do this. 

It just makes me sad to think how pathetic my sex life is. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep trying with him.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

trey69 said:


> I think it has less to do with her not wanting to have sex with you and more about a deeper issue going on. Some women can separate their physical feelings from their emotional feelings, but some can not. I think your wife's emotional feelings are heavily tied to her physical feelings for you. If the emotional side is gone then chances are so is the physical side.


Another thing to consider is that, if the LD person has a bad or stunted sexual outlook, is that they can't get the sex in gear - period. IOW, if sex is seen is bad, just trying to have sex will cause tension, no matter how good the rest of the relationship is.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

SouthernMiss said:


> We live in a society (and you see it right here on TAM) that tells women that if they like sex, they are "used up" and "loose" and "not marriage material."


I've seen this complaint before, and I don't really understand it.

Telling a woman that she shouldn't have sex BEFORE marriage is not the same as telling her that she shouldn't have sex AFTER marriage. It seems perfectly clear to me. That is the message that I will be giving my daughter.



> We end up with men who want their wives to love sex...and for some, to be simultaneously sexually inexperienced before them...but we bash them for liking sex when they do.


I've never seen, or heard, a man bashing his wife for liking sex. I've seen men bash their wives when they found out that their wives used to be promiscuous. But having a healthy libido that is focused on the faithful desire for one's husband is something that I've never seen portrayed negatively.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> I've seen this complaint before, and I don't really understand it.
> 
> Telling a woman that she shouldn't have sex BEFORE marriage is not the same as telling her that she shouldn't have sex AFTER marriage. It seems perfectly clear to me. That is the message that I will be giving my daughter.
> 
> ...


Husbands did not mind that a woman enjoyed sex before him. Some just don't want to deal with the fallout and psychology of a woman who has exchanged bodily fluid and skin to skin contacts with a large partner count, whatever they consider the number to be. Some women have the same opinion and it is well within an individuals right.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Woodchuck said:


> A lot of really good points have been made in this thread....I find the "duty sex" comment fascinating....
> 
> Ten minutes a week, 40 minutes a month, 8 hours a year, and a man would at least not feel like a total sexual time bomb 24-7.
> 
> ...


I think very few women would refuse to spend their husband's money because it was earned through "duty" labor. Whether my wife loves to cook or does so because she feels it's her "duty", if I'm hungry, I'm eating. Certain things have to happen for a marriage and family to survive. Whether my wife does them because she adores me or because she's committed to making the marriage work, it's all good. If "duty" sex with the wife keeps a decent marriage going for 50 years, that beats mind-blowing sex with the neighbor's wife which would destroy two families. I may wish I were a tap dancing NASCAR driver, but if mopping floors feeds and clothes my family, the real job I have pays better than a fantasy job I don't have. Lots of women are ending up alone and in poverty because they just couldn't bring themselves to love, forgive, or accept, the imperfect guy they had. When you're 75, shoving fries out a little window or saying "welcome to WalMart", that less-than-perfect guy is going to look pretty good.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

where_are_we said:


> I feel your pain. I have tried the not asking for, complaining, whining, etc. and like you.....weeks go by and they don't seem to mind. Only I am the female and it's my husband who doesn't care.
> 
> It is not because I am a bum and let myself go. I take good care of myself and there is no shortage of interest from other men. But it is MY husband that I want to want me. I guess I'll die with the pervert label as well.


No HD husband can understand or relate to what you just said... just sayin'. Honestly, what keeps you with your husband? I need to ask, because I'm HD and my wife more LD.


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## Gruff (Feb 27, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Every normally functioning human being has sexual urges. The survival of the species depends on it. To those abnormal types who don't experience these urges, the rest of us our perverts. Personally, if my wife is serially withholding from me, *I don't care what she thinks or says.*


Maybe this is your problem.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Gruff said:


> Maybe this is your problem.


It is sad when a husband stops valuing that opinion of his wife, just because she dismisses his needs and treats him no better than an acquaintance.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

1971 said:


> God I wish my Husband would do this.
> 
> It just makes me sad to think how pathetic my sex life is. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep trying with him.



And yet DOZENS of women on TAM would squeal EEWWW!!!
from that same suggestion.......Just too sad...

the woodchuck


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