# Only with others. Not with me



## primebeatz (Dec 23, 2011)

My wife never dances with me. Always has the excuse "I dont know how to dance to this" or "I dont like this song" any time Ive asked. Last time we went out, I went to go pee, came back and saw her dancing with her cousin, then was dancing with her other cousins husband. Ive brought it up numerous times during our 4 year marriage and I always get a BS answer. Wont dance with me, but will with others. So whenever we go out now, she says I look mad and dont talk to anybody. Well I guess thats true because I feel she Isnt interested in doing anything fun with me. She has told me she is tired of hearing me always talk about work. A few weeks ago, after she got off work, she stayed behind for a little while talking to her male coworker about him being stressed at the job and stuff like that. Once again...doesnt want to hear it from me, but will listen to male coworkers talk about work.Ive asked her to dress up for me.. like lingerie and stuff. She seemed really irritated when I asked and said "What? Me like this isnt good enough for you?"...so her male friend from high school invites us out...she shaves, puts in contacts, curls hair, puts on skirt, etc.... and Im supposed to be excited to go out? Dresses up for him but not for me. What do yall think?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Women don't want men to sit and wait. We want you to smile, look at us like we're delicious, take our hand, pull us out onto the dance floor, and just start dancing. Try that next time.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I have a wife similar to OP with regard to dancing. She will never dance with me. However, she will dance with just about anyone else.

She has a hundred reasons (excuses) why. I just learned to say "screw it." When we go to a reception or something like that, I just dance with whoever is available. I quit asking her. She goes and dances with whoever she likes. It used to bother me, but I eventually got over it by just having fun with others in those environments. She gets jealous at times, but I just tell her that it is her choice and she needs to get over it. I don't get jealous about it.

With regard to getting all dressed up only when going out to with other couples, that would get annoying. I think she may feel like she doesn't need to impress the OP or she may not care about his feelings for some reason. Who knows what goes through another's head when they do some things.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That works, too. Letting her see you having a good time no matter WHAT she does will help her respect you more. Maybe even want to dance with you - since you don't really know WHY she won't dance with you.

fwiw, I have low self esteem, so I always doubt myself, and when I wanted my husband and wanted him to be happy with me and proud of me, I had a few fears of dancing with him - I was afraid he'd think I was dorky or a bad dancer and look down on me. That's one possibility.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to dance with you (or dress up for you, or listen to your work troubles)? If so, what is her response?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Specifically speaking to dancing.....do you consider yourself a good dancer? I only ask because she may not want to hurt your feelings.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Sounds like she does not care. 

Are you a good dancer? I ask because I have two left feet, so I make excuses. My husband dances with cousins, friends and in laws. I don't get jealousy or mad, he loves dancing. I don't. 

However, it sounds like you have more issues than dancing. Your wife does not take the time to understand your needs and desires. She prefers to spend time with coworkers and listening to their problems, than, listen to her own husband. She does not care to impress you or work towards a more stimulating sex life.

What you need to do is to sit down and have the talk with your wife. Let her know exactly how you see her, when she acts that way. What her actions are saying to you. Don't hide behind her unwillingness to change or made things better. Good luck.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

We haven't heard from you in a few years. Is this the 25 year old? How is the marriage? Did you get her ex out of the picture?


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## primebeatz (Dec 23, 2011)

Lila said:


> Specifically speaking to dancing.....do you consider yourself a good dancer? I only ask because she may not want to hurt your feelings.


I cant dance at all. Lol but I give an effort.


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## primebeatz (Dec 23, 2011)

MachoMcCoy said:


> We haven't heard from you in a few years. Is this the 25 year old? How is the marriage? Did you get her ex out of the picture?


The ex is her babys father so he isnt out of the picture. Yeah thats the same woman. Marriage is ok.


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## primebeatz (Dec 23, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Sounds like she does not care.
> 
> Are you a good dancer? I ask because I have two left feet, so I make excuses. My husband dances with cousins, friends and in laws. I don't get jealousy or mad, he loves dancing. I don't.
> 
> ...


Dont hide behind her unwillingness meaning what exactly? Leave?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Is she an extroverted person who likes lots of social interaction with other people? That may be why she gravitates to other people when you're out - she gets energy from being with other people. Try it for yourself - ask other people to dance if she won't, and have a good time. Be part of the fun. 

Do you dance at home? Pour some wine, turn on some music, and take her in your arms. Have a good time. 

If you really think she wants nothing to do with you, then you two need to have a bigger conversation about what's going on in your marriage.


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## Space Mountain (Jul 19, 2015)

Primebeatz,

She is not showing you the mutual respect that is needed to make a good marriage. The boundaries in my marriage are no dancing with anyone but each other. No exceptions. I guess cousins and immediate family are okay but otherwise that is it.
However, if she insists on dancing with other men and not you, then I would dance with every woman I could find and not give her a second look all night. Afterward, I would rave on and on about what a great time and I had and not give her a chance to comment. I would also make it known which woman I thought was the best dancer. This may make her re-evaluate her dancing policy the next time.

Regarding the other issues, I agree the other posters. The two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Call her on her BS. Let her know what is on your mind about the after work talk with male coworkers and the dressing up for old male high school friends. She will probably not want to hear it but things like that are not really healthy for a good marriage. 

When it comes to her dressing up, ask her why you do not deserve her best but someone else does? She will probably give you some weak answer. Hold firm with the conversation until you have made your point that you deserve her best. Also, make it known to her, that she deserves your best and you will do everything possible to make that happen.

A strong marriage is built on mutual respect and boundaries. I kiss my wife's a$$ daily and she kisses mine. 
Read Married Man Sex Life Primer from Amazon. It has a lot of good info about subjects like this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

primebeatz said:


> I cant dance at all. Lol but I give an effort.


What kind of dancing does your wife do? Is it just getting up and moving around like in that video? Or does she really know how to dance?

If she's a good dancer, you lack of dance ability could be an issue. As someone suggested, maybe she does not want to tell you that.

Why not take dancing lessons. Then if she will not dance with you, dance with other woman and burn a hole in the floor. You will get your wife's attention.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

primebeatz said:


> Ive asked her to dress up for me.. like lingerie and stuff. She seemed really irritated when I asked and said "What? Me like this isnt good enough for you?"...so her male friend from high school invites us out...she shaves, puts in contacts, curls hair, puts on skirt, etc.... and Im supposed to be excited to go out? Dresses up for him but not for me. What do yall think?


Wait, these are two different things. She's not putting on lingerie and stuff when you two are going out with the high school friend. 

How does she dress when the two of you go out together socially? Is she a slob when she just does out with you? Does she only comb her hair when there are others in the group?


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