# Can't Seem to Get No Satisfaction



## AnnaBanana143 (Sep 11, 2012)

PLEASE HELP

Me and my (reconciled) ex-husband have been back together for 6 months now after a year long separation.

The first month or so after we got back together we had sex like crazy (a minimum of once a day) and slowly our situation has gotten worse. We are no having sex once a week, sometimes less. 

Our relationship is strong in every other sense, we're communicating better than we ever have, our fights our rare and usually quickly resolved, we've eliminated alot of stress (i.e. financial woes, and worries about housing) and seem to be on the fast track to success as a family.

However, I am NOT satisfied with only having sex once a week. I've made it clear to him that I NEED more but he seems to think our sex life is fine and that I have a higher sex drive than him, and that's all their is to it. Every time I bring it up he tells me he'll "work on it", but I've yet to see any progress.

I have explained to him that my needs are not being met, and I've even asked him to buy me a new "toy" (the last one was lost during a move). He is the MOST non jealous man I know, but when it comes to be having a "toy" he seems very upset by it, he's told me "why even try when your toy can do my job in under 2 minutes". I've explained to him that a toy will NEVER take the place of sex, and I've even tried going without a toy, however, if I'm not getting off with him, then I kind of NEED a toy so that I can at least have SOME sort of sex life (even if it's only with myself).

I've tried dressing up in lingerie, talking to him, masturbating while in bed with him... just about everything I can think of to make him understand that I NEED to have ALOT more sex in order to feel secure and satisfied in our relationship.

It makes me feel unattractive that he doesn't want to sleep with me, yet he insists that it's just that my sex drive is higher than his. He thinks once a week is fine, where as I would be more secure with 3-4 times a week. How many times a week do most couples have sex? How often constitutes a "normal" sex life?

We're young, he's 27, I'm soon to be 26. He's very active, eats a well balanced diet, sleeps enough, and has taken testosterone "boosters" (from GNC). 

What's going on? And how can I help both me and him to feel as if both of our needs are being met??


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Maybe he's just waiting and praying "Tease me please"
You sound rather full on, just like wifey!

Have you read these threads?
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/55611-being-sexually-available-our-husbands.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/55630-i-want-sex-all-time-hubby-doesnt.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/55479-forgotten-how-initiate-sex.html


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## AnnaBanana143 (Sep 11, 2012)

What kind of "teasing", I've tried not initiating sex or bringing up the topic for a few days, and I have noticed he will get a tad more affectionate, however, every time I think we're gonna have sex, I end up sadly dissappointed... What else can I do? Withold sex when he wants to have it?
It's gotten to the point where I think it's turning me a bit bitter, and I'm scared because a bitter woman is OBVIOUSLY a turn off. I bite my tongue, and I try not to "rock the boat"


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## AnnaBanana143 (Sep 11, 2012)

Yes, I've been reading them, thank you though


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## missmolly (Jun 10, 2012)

Can't you buy your own toy?
If you don't want to go into a store you will find lots of online ones which send quickly with no identifying packaging.


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## AnnaBanana143 (Sep 11, 2012)

I'm currently a stay at home mom to our three young children, so there's a lack of money, which is why he has to give me the money, and I'll happily go purchase it. But I'm worried a toy will drive an even bigger wedge into what is a delicate situation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Looks like withdrawing does work for him, as it works for me. But it seems you may be making the same mistake that my wife does from time to time. Don't just turn him on and then make a move.

Turn him on, tease him continually until HE makes the move. This is just like fishing or hunting, you have to lure your prey to exactly where you want it before you start pulling/shooting. Timing is everything.


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## AnnaBanana143 (Sep 11, 2012)

Thank you  I'm gonna try this. But I DO have a question, how long should this teasing last? a day? a few days? a week? I know, obviously whenever he "gives in" will be when it'll stop, I'm just wondering, about how long...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Depends, for me it only takes up to 2 days, but that's rare - as most of the time it only takes less than an hour or minutes lol (but I'm HD too, I just found myself married to a super-HD woman)

It's a push-pull thing too. As you noticed; he does become more affectionate, so give him a little, but then take it away... give him a little more, then take it away. Translated example: My wife has her lovely legs on me, I run my hands up her thigh, she pushes it away, tells me to stop, I go a little higher, she runs her hands on my thigh, she strokes gently but then pulls away. It's normally at this point of time I don't want her to stop, and when I'm throwing her on her back or picking her up or shoving myself inbetween her legs when she stops the tease. Or -> You can also continue the tease to make him even more wild, but it can be quite cruel so be aware of how much sexual tension your man can take.

As you can see it's so much better than if she doesn't show any resistance at all - and just lets me have my way with her - it's no fun. It's difficult to say no when you want it yourself but that's how the tease can work both ways to build up sexual tension and desire


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

Once a week though is really not that bad. Cheer up. Take a look around, there are heaps and heaps of ppl having sex a lot less than that. Maybe you should be thankful you are getting it that much.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Diolay has a point. There are very many people on TAM that would like to have sexual contact once a week rather tahn once a month, quarter or even not at all.

You say your a stay at home mum. That means yur partner is the earing half of the family. Could he be suffering fatigu, is the job demanding ? I know bringing up children is hard work -- fully understand the pressures there but is your partner in a heavy physical job. Have you noticed that he may be happy to have sex only on a weekend for instance when hes not been working, IS he stressed? This takes away the feeling of sexual urge. It appears that he controls the house finance as you need to have money from him. Could you not ask for a small amount more for some nnce spicw up things - Get him to buy a toy(s) on line for you that way he is still in control of the toy and let him use it on you - That way it becomes a part of him and not as it seems instead of him. Do you sit and read/watch erotic material. May switch him on a little more. AND THE BIG ONE - Does he feel adequate. Some men compare themselves rightly or wrongly to what they think they should do during sex, are they performing up to your high standard? Whilst these are all possibles in a marridge either partner may have issues which they dont recognise as a problem. 
you stated that "We're young, he's 27, I'm soon to be 26. He's very active, eats a well balanced diet, sleeps enough, and has taken testosterone "boosters" (from GNC)." Is the boost being taking because you think it will help of because its been professionally recommended.


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## AnnaBanana143 (Sep 11, 2012)

I know many people would be happy with once a week... but I'm just not. He refuses to have anything to do with my own toys, I've asked him to use it on me, but he hates that I use it at all, and especially not during sex with him. His job is very physically demanding, and I believed it was fatigue (he also has sleep apnea) but since going on a cpap machine, his energy level has increased ten-fold. As for him pleasing me, and him feeling adequate, I tell him how great he is in bed, and how amazing he feels, but I believe he still feels inadequate sometimes. I know that he stresses about finances just as much as I do (and alot of the time more so), but our financial situation has eased up lately. I'm going to try the "tease" method today and hope that I see some kind of results. Any other suggestions about how to make my husband feel more desired and want to have sex more?


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