# Times when it just wasn't meant to be



## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

I thought I'd try and start a thread to add a little levity to the forum, by sharing those moments when you know that this particular roll in the hay just wasn't meant to be.

My fiance and I were *ahem* going at it the other morning in bed and building up some speed when...

Her phone on the night stand dinged - I glanced over, since she wasn't in er, position, and saw it was her ex. probably *****ing about a money transfer due that day. I quickly ignored and resumed.

A minute later my phone rang. The distinctive ring tone of my ex-w. *sigh*. Ignored, but losing some action traction. A heroic effort to resume pace ensued. Then...

"MEEEEEEOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWW"

Unobserved, the cat has pushed her way past the bedroom door, jumped up on the end of the bed, got right behind me and started screaming at the top of its lungs to be fed (It's a very vocal cat).

I jumped up. Expect from the position I was in it wasn't exactly "up" that I jumped. Houston, we have a trajectory problem...

Then I came down. On my wrist. As in "Snap. Crunch. Owww holy mother &^@^%& that hurts."

At that point, she said "I don't think this is going to work .... later?"

I concurred.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

uh oh, Mr. Anubis.. you sure you didn't crossed path with a black cat yesterday? Or walked under a ladder a day before? Or insulted a voodoo master without realizing what you've done?  *joking mode off*


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

When we are staying in the loft at the inlaws. It's a guest nest, a little cottage almost. But it's built over top of their garage. Just as we get going....SLAM. The door from the house to the garage. We ignore it and continue. SLAM. Ignore, laugh, continue. SLAM....holy crap, make up your minds people....stay in or out. SLAM. SLAM. SLAM. I jump each time....can't help it. Start to get annoyed. SLAM SLAM....must have been the kids. SLAM. OKAY I GIVE UP!!!!!!! We wait till later when everyone else has gone to bed.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Had a few of those.

But this one was hilarious as well as painful.

Just came home from the gym , it was close to bedtime and wife was already in bed. I knew she was " waiting " just by the way she was dressed and sex after working out in the gym is usually good, especially for her. More aggression ,she likes that.

But that night at the gym I had worked my legs and abs. Heavy weights ,squatting , captain's chair and leg raises ,etc. So my legs were wobbly and my abs sore.

The men reading this would understand..,lol.

Everything's going ok, when she decides that she doesn't want missionary. Change position a few times, and we end up with me kneeling on the bed and her legs on my chest& shoulder.

On the final stretch ,pounding away and bam! Both hamstrings and abs seize with painful cramps.
I am not very vocal during sex , but it was so painful that I let out an " oh gad !" and rolled over, panting.

After a few seconds she realized something was wrong, and I asked her to pull my legs to stretch my hamstrings out and work out the cramp.She did and began to massage them.
About 10 mins. later the cramps eased, and we lay on the bed, she's rubbing my abs and chest, and starts giggling and laughing.

I asked her , "what?"
She said when it happened initially, she thought I was having a
" big one " and thought it sounded sexy,but then she realized I was in pain..
Even though my abs still hurt, I laughed.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Anytime my wife is awake........or asleep


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

This didn't happen to me but it's still the funniest story I ever heard. I used to work with a very ******* man (I say that in a nice way) who lived in a trailer in the woods. We worked 24 hour shifts (firefighters). This guy would come to work at 8:00 in the morning and start looking at magazines...Playboy, Penthouse, etc. So you can imagine his condition after 24 hours of this. He said one morning after he got off work and hurried home, he and the wife were going at it when he felt something on his back and then heard his young son say "Giddy Up Daddy!!!"

Needless to say the fun was over at that point!


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