# Wife's libido is history



## magimaker (Jan 28, 2011)

I'm sure this is a question that crops up in here somewhat frequently but it's something I'm dealing with and it's starting to grow past the annoying level.

Here's our history. My wife and I have been married seven years now after dating for three years prior. We have no kids, she works a day schedule and I am more of an entrepreneur who works from home and does some occasional travel.

Before we got married, my wife had a massive sex drive which was even more than mine. In our dating years, I'd be happy with sex a few times a week, she wanted it daily so there was no complaints from me at all. Before we dated my wife considered herself bisexual and was in a bit of an "open" relationship with a prior boyfriend. 

So prior to us getting married our sex life was great. She was cool with even having sex in mildly public area, loved being adventurous and encouraged me to do the same which I happily did. Over time, our sex life slowly started to diminish. Over the last two years or so we only have sex about once a month...sometimes even less than that. On top of that, if I don't initiate sex, we don't have it. If I never initiated it, we wouldn't ever have sex ever. 

When we do have sex, it's seems pretty good. The wife says she likes to be dominated a bit and be pampered so when we have sex, I make sure it's all about her. In a way, she's a bit selfish in bed but she does make sure to pay a little attention to me. If our love-making session is 1 hour, 50 minutes of it is me paying attention to her. She's told me what turns her on and I do it. She tells me what gets her in "the mood" and even though I do it, nothing changes. For example, she told me more than once it would be awesome if I just ravaged her when she came from work sometimes. I've done just that and she shoves me away every time and laughs at me or says she isn't in the mood. 

I've then gone the route of making real obvious hints that we can have some fun and it doesn't work either. I might be on a business trip somewhere and I'll call her to say hi and we'll have a nice conversation. At the end, I'll say, "You know, it would be a lot of fun for me when I came home if you greeted me at the door in the nude" to which she says, "Hmmmm...I'll think about it!". I've made that suggestion about five or six times, it's never once happened.

So now, I do everything I can to set a romantic mood and it doesn't work either. We have a great "date night" out and have a ton of fun, we come home, I take her to the bedroom and slowly undress her and she makes some excuse to leave the room and kill the mood. 

It's come to the point that the only time we have sex is when she does everything to kill a mood and I storm off in a huff. She realizes I'm super pissed and then she's all lovey dovey. Every time we have sex I politely suggest that we can actually do this more than once a month and she ignores my comment. I've asked what we can do to increase our lovemaking schedule and she avoids the question every time I bring it up. Every time I bring up the topic she says she doesn't want to talk about it "right now" which translates to "never". 

Our marriage is actually on really good terms except for this issue but it's becoming a major issue right now. We don't fight or get into arguments, we're OK financially and short of some work stresses from time to time, our relationship seems fine. But the fact that our sex life is horrible is now starting to get on my nerves. She never wants to talk about it, she doesn't want to do anything about it, and I'm at the point where I'm either going to start seeking intimacy with another person or just file for divorce. I don't want it to come to that but at the rate we're going, I can't see this issue getting better in a year, two years, or five years down the road so I'm seeing this conclusion as an inevitability if nothing changes. It's not like she doesn't understand my issues. I've told her that I'd like to have sex more often but she she dodges that issue every time I bring it up and has no desire to confront the issue.

So I'm faced with the fact that I want to start seeking counseling for the two of us. Being that the wife never wants to talk about this issue I'm not sure if it's even worth suggesting. I'm a good husband, and she's a good wife, but I just want to have some intimacy with her once in a while.

So any advice would be helpful. What should I do next? I don't even know how to bring up the whole "counseling" issue but I'm seeing it as the next step to preserving our marriage. So what are you guy's thoughts?


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## nikon (Nov 9, 2009)

From a female's perspective... I'd say she somehow lost the sexual drive when it comes to YOU. I think she still enjoys sex, just not with you. I find it hard to believe that somehow she stopped enjoying sex, after everything you said. Most men think women lost their appetite, but the sad truth is, they simply don't want to have any more sex with that particular man. Now, this is a problem (of course) if that man is her husband. I think you need to look outside of the box. What can you do to look better, hotter, sexier, more desirable to her? How can you spice up the sex life without begging for it... Women hate it when men get desperate about not getting enough sex. In conclusion, I think the best solution is to sit her down, don't even try to have sex with her, just plainly ask her why she doesn't want to have sex WITH YOU anymore? If you can't discuss this like two adults, then you have a bigger problem than you think.


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## magimaker (Jan 28, 2011)

nikon said:


> I think the best solution is to sit her down, don't even try to have sex with her, just plainly ask her why she doesn't want to have sex WITH YOU anymore? If you can't discuss this like two adults, then you have a bigger problem than you think.


I've actually thought of this already. Rather than take an accusational approach, I sat her down once about a year ago and a second time about six months ago and addressed the issue saying, "What can I do to spice up our sex life? You tell me, what direction can I take our relationship in that would make you happier about this issue?" At first I got a lot of shrugged shoulders and "I dunnos" but eventually she gave me some suggestions and ideas. I've done all of them in spades to no result. She's given me ideas and when I implement them, I get a cold shoulder. 

I've come to the realization that this is all just a symptom of a bigger issue a long time ago. The challenge is, my wife is a very poor communicator and doesn't like to talk about "us" issues very often.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Man, I'm no expert here, cause I am the stereotypical nice guy, but I'm pretty sure people will refer you to the nice guy/man up thread. Like I've come to see so often here, it so often is the case that she indeed does not want sex with you because you are too nice, too available. Well, can't offer much better. Hope some of the more knowledgeable people will reply to this post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sierra61 (Feb 22, 2010)

Sadly, this is very common. Sex is obviously going to be hot and heavy for the first year in most relationships, then gradually tapers off. Very, very few couples have sex with the same intensity years into a marriage as they did in the dating stage.

To the OP: have you gained weight? Has your personal appearance changed markedly? 

I disagree that your wife isn't interested in sex with YOU, but is interested with someone else. Many people of both genders lose interest in sex when they become comfortable with a partner. It's common, sad to say.


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## Wild1 (Dec 29, 2010)

Draguna said:


> it so often is the case that she indeed does not want sex with you because you are too nice, too available._Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


I don't post often or much, but when someone hits it on the head... well, looks honestly like THIS is the problem --- waaaaay to comfortable of a situation, especially for her. You may get other people to post saying this is harsh and wrong and you just have to be even more caring, loving and become a FULL slave. They are just wrong, real love does not work this way. Someone cannot really "be into you" because you are a professional slave for them. Period.

Never forget 2 old sayings: 
...for men: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
... for women: Why get up and go get the milk when it is brought to your front door and served to you everytime?


Time to go into plan B and try something else. Think about it, if your doing something and it's not working, but your expecting a different result, try something else. By definition, if you keep doing the same things (even though whatever you are doing may _seem_ good to you, like going out of your way for her) over and over again and expect her or anything to really change, that's insane.

Couselling helps too. If she does not want to go, go yourself and let her know.


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## magimaker (Jan 28, 2011)

Wild1 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> I don't post often or much, but when someone hits it on the head... well, looks honestly like THIS is the problem --- waaaaay to comfortable of a situation, especially for her.


Uhhhh....can you elaborate on this? Saying I'm "too nice a guy" or that I'm "too available" doesn't make much sense. So I'm supposed to be a rude, obnoxious wife-beater who rapes my wife? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's the road to a successful marriage! :scratchhead:



> Never forget 2 old sayings:
> ...for men: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
> ... for women: Why get up and go get the milk when it is brought to your front door and served to you everytime?


OK, so what is your suggestion for remedying this situation then? If I play "hard to get" then we'll have sex once a decade. She doesn't like to initiate sex, so if I wait for her, it's going to be a very long wait. 



> Time to go into plan B and try something else. Think about it, if your doing something and it's not working, but your expecting a different result


You're kind of making it sound like I haven't tried other things. I've tried my approach and I've done things she's suggested to me and neither work so I'm open to new ideas. That's why I'm here.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

If your wife won't:

- Initiate
- Talk about it with you
- Talk about it with a third party

I don't know what to say. I have similar issues, but, my husband will go to MC and discuss things - so while I deal with #1 and #2, I don't have to deal with #3.

It's possible that she no longer wants sex or unfortunately, sex with you.

Since she won't talk about it, have you thought about an e-mail or letter? Seriously, some people have a hard time talking about sex and what they're thinking about it, but they have less trouble when writing it down.

Perhaps if you sent her a heartfelt e-mail that explains what you're going through (using I statements, not YOU statements), such as "I feel so lonely when I can't be intimate with you," "what can I do to help the situation," "is there something I'm doing that is making you pull away from me?", etc. Dont' make it about HER, that she is doing something wrong. Make it about how YOU are feeling. 

Couldn't hurt to try this, it sounds like you've tried everything else.


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## Master.of.the.Cave (Jan 16, 2011)

:-(


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SA,
Guilt does not yield desire. Anger does not yield desire. 

There are a specific set of behaviors that typically DO generate desire. Magi needs to go to "married man sex life" and read. He needs to NOT talk to his W about the problem. He needs to do the things that "create" desire. 

Complaining about how this hurts his feelings is his WORST move. BTW - his W has already given him a HUGE hint as to what she wants. He placed it in his initial post. 

She likes to "hunt and fight". He needs to give her the chance to do both. Magi "fight" does not mean you EVER hit/hurt her. It may mean you learn just how much an intense wrestling match "amps" her desire. And it may mean you need to learn how to put an "edge" in your voice that makes her very uneasy. She WANTS you to do that. And frankly you will need to steadily deprioritize her while remaining the fun/upbeat/happy guy you are until she "chases" you. 





SimplyAmorous said:


> I've never heard that second part before, interesting.
> 
> I'm just a woman here, but I am married to the nice guy type. He is passive, sweet, loving and wonderful in every way, he is not into pushing boundaries. I am more the aggressive and demanding. Just as you have been living, my husband would have stayed with me until death -even if I didnt care about sex or want it. (I asked him this one time) Personally I think that is INSANITY and he should care more about himself & his own happiness. I think you are coming to this point in your marraige- realizing you do not want to continue to live like this . Good for you!
> 
> ...


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## magimaker (Jan 28, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> SHe needs to understand the gravity of HOW you are feeling in it's entirety or in your desperation, you will soon be looking to hook up with some affair woman who is in a similar situation. Often it plays out this way.


Great points, and thanks for your input. I totally understand the "nice guy" syndrome and I think it definitely is part of the problem here, the question is, how to remedy this? It's easy to make a diagnosis but not so easy to come up with a solution. Anyone can be an armchair quarterback but actually standing in the huddle and needing to call a play is a whole different situation. Like I said, should I just start being an obnoxious jerk around her? That doesn't seem to solve the problem but at least I would stop being "the nice guy", right?

I have noticed over the past year that on the rare occasions that I'm in a less-than-happy mood, her mood changes to accommodate it so I am actually thinking that there is some merit to this "nice guy" issue. For example, my wife goes through these periods of crabbiness where she's in a perpetual state of being in a foul mood. She's snappy a lot, she is a bit inconsiderate, and anything I say gets my head ripped off. The nicer I am, the worse it gets. After a few days of this and even after me pointing it out to her for which she responds with, I'm fine...I'm not crabby!!!!!" I turn the tables and start to back away. I start to get a little short with her, I tend not to strike up a conversation with her her, and I go into my office to do work instead of spend time with her. It doesn't even take a few hours before her entire demeanor changes and she's walking into my office with a huge smile etc. We still never have sex, but at least she's not a crabby wife anymore. So I kind of get this whole "nice guy" thing.

So the ultimate question is, what's next? I've had the sit-down with her numerous times about this issue and usually after we have great sex but it ends there and we wind up in the usual routine immediately thereafter as if she totally forgets or wants to forget our conversation about the matter. I've told her, "An idea amount of sex for me would be 3-5 times a week." She nods her head, says "OK" and nothing changes so I know that I need to change. The question is, what's the next step?


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## magimaker (Jan 28, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> SA,
> Guilt does not yield desire. Anger does not yield desire.
> 
> There are a specific set of behaviors that typically DO generate desire. Magi needs to go to "married man sex life" and read. He needs to NOT talk to his W about the problem. He needs to do the things that "create" desire.
> ...


This all sort of makes sense. Give me three examples.


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

I would say that you need to remind her of your wedding day. You both said to each other that you would be faithful to one another yes? That would mean, you both gave up looking elsewhere and are intent on making each other happy in that department. Don't go looking elsewhere, she'll just resent you and have something to hold over your head forever and make you look like the bad guy. Let's be honest, anytime someone hears someone cheated we don't care the why's of it, just that they did. 

You are being too nice though. No, don't be obnoxious and aggressive and rape her as you thought someone above implied. I don't think that's what he meant at all. Just stop doing SO MUCH for her all the time. If she feels like she can't have sex with you when she wants to (however rare that may be) then she'll be more inclined to want to. 

Change things up for yourself. Get a different haircut, new glasses, go to the gym, new clothes, etc. Whatever you would do to impress someone. For example, say you're in college still or something, and you see some hot girl in your class. You may not talk to her for weeks or months, but you'll still try to attract her right? Get her to notice you maybe? Maybe your wife has stopped noticing you.  I hate to think that's the case, but if it is it won't hurt to try it out right? Does she ever talk about other guys being attractive (movie stars, athletes, the out of reach male on tv, etc.)? If so, she is noticing and she is interested, just not with what she has. 

Go to counseling. Preferably to someone who will see you both separately and together. If she won't, you can go on your own and get advice there too.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

A little context and then specifics. 

Lets start with this. She wants to desire you. Truly. She is missing out on love just as much as you are. So the stuff below is not you against her, it is you - creating an environment where she WANTS to love you the way you both want. It is not adversarial, even though at first glance you may wonder about that. 

You two have some sort of established pattern. We all do. That pattern produces a certain emotional "temperature" from you to her. Humor me for a moment and I will give you to extremes:
- Imagine someone who is constantly communicating they love you via words, deeds, gifts, requests to spend time with you, sexual attention etc. And I do mean constantly. In this situation the person is producing a "very high emotional temperature" with all that activity. So high that a typical partner would feel "hot/claustrophobic" - imagine a room thermostat set at 100 degrees. 
- Now the other extreme - they express no love towards you of any kind. They may be friendly and upbeat and fun to be around - but they don't direct any "love" towards you in terms of kindness, warmth, caring - saying ILY, doing nice things for you. This is absolute zero - and it is not sustainable for your partner. They will either leave or desperately try to fix it. 

Specific examples:
1. Break your pattern. Write down all the loving things you typically do for her in a typical week/month. Break them down by type:
- Saying ILY or complimenting her sexually or just generally telling her how great she is
- Initiating spending time together - not sexual time - just time doing activities. This could even include how often you call her / text her while at work. 
- Gifts/spending money on her: Taking her out, buying her flowers/presents
- Initiating physical affection and/or sex. How often do you hug her first? How often do you initiate sex?
- Performing "optional" acts of service for her: Ignore your "fair share" of housework etc. That doesn't count. Acts of service that convey love are the "above and beyond". 
- Last but not least: Sacrifice - when you want to go to movie A and she wants movie B, how often does it go your way vs. hers. This basically addresses how you two prioritize each others needs. 

Now run the exercise in reverse. How often does she "initiate" that stuff with you?


My guess is that you are expressing a lot more love to her in general than she is to you. If you are:

Step 1: Steadily cut back until you are conveying less love for her, than she is for you. And slowly keep cutting back until she starts to make more effort towards you. This is the start of the "chase". 
Step 2: In parallel with 1, be "less" serious with her. Do not talk about the relationship. Really. Because right now it is in trouble. So talking is a "downer" for both of you. Be more playful. For instance - use a prop. Maybe the tv remote. Ask if she wants to watch her favorite show. When she says "yes" just smile and say "if you can take the remote away from me I guess you will be able to change the channel" and then smile and ignore her. If she tries to take it away - have some fun wrestling with her. Do NOT let her physically win. At the end tease her a bit more - give her the remote and say "you get a B for effort - so you can watch your show" - then smile and walk away. BTW - if she is biittchy about the remote and declines to try to physically take it away from you and is just irritated - just chuckle and say "if you have forgotten how to be playful - that is on you" and then do not allow her to bait you into getting angry. If she goes over the line - get up and walk out of the room and go somewhere private and shut the door - better yet leave the house/apt. Do not show anger/hurt. 
Step 3: Pay REALLY close attention to how she treats you. My guess - she asks you to do a lot of little things for her. And that is fine - provided it is symmetrical. Start asking HER to do things for you. Be PLAYFUL. 
Her: Baby can you get me a glass of water
You: Darling my shoulder is sore from years of carrying your water - rub it for a few minutes and I am sure you can repair it. 
Her: I'm serious - I'm thirsty. 
You: Smiling - not moving - not speaking and NOT radiating any anger/anxiety. None. You gave her a choice. Now she has to decide what to do. 
Her: Getting up - clearly annoyed (you are breaking the pattern of servitude) makes a snippy comment while getting her water.
You: Smiling as she sits down - calmly ask "are you ok? I know that was a looooonnnnggggg walk into the kitchen - do you need me to get the first aid kit"? 

Next time you are sitting down together look over at her and just casually say "Can you get me a glass of water"? Or the classic is to wait until she gets up and say "while you are up, would you mind ....."?

The OTHER thing to look for are snippy/sarcastic/disrespectful remarks that she directs at you. Deal with those the same way. You can use any of this stuff - it works - but only if YOU stay dead calm no matter what she says/does:
- Why did you just say that to me? 
- Who ever told you it was ok to speak to your H that way?
- Full eye contact - head to head body language soft voice - tone of disbelief: "What did you just say to me"?
- Same body language as above "THAT is not acceptable" followed by as long a silence as it takes for her to respond or you to walk away. 

At first she is going to get pissed at all this and then she is going to fall back in love with you. Because kissing a womans ass is a certain path to celibacy. 

Two last things. 
1. I didn't get any of this stuff out of a book. I have a high testosterone - somewhat LD W. I had to gradually create my own playbook. You are now reading the results of a 21 year playbook that works like magic. 
2. I ABSOLUTELY follow the golden rule. Like a religion. And my W routinely says I 'treat her like gold' which is true. BUT I earn her respect and I DEMAND her respect. And she challenges me regularly and I run my plays and she loves it and oh yeah - she is still hot for me after 21 years together.


















magimaker said:


> This all sort of makes sense. Give me three examples.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

magimaker said:


> Like I said, should I just start being an obnoxious jerk around her? That doesn't seem to solve the problem but at least I would stop being "the nice guy", right?


 You probably couldn't even turn yourself into an obknoxious Jerk, it's just about not hiding how you really feel, not being "afraid" of her reactions. Everyone suggests this book to read Amazon.com: No More Mr. Nice Guy! (9780762415335): Robert A. Glover: Books


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## magimaker (Jan 28, 2011)

Thanks Mem, so far this is the best piece of advice I've read so far and it makes perfect sense.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Magi,
I am betting on you. I think you already know this but just in case:
- Do NOT talk to her about your plan. That is a guaranteed train wreck. 
- When she asks you what is up - and at some point she will - just stick with this: "Do you think I am treating you unfairly"?

And if she says yes - get her to be specific. If she is right - adjust your behavior. But if she is simply trying to keep the status quo be honest and tell her you "disagree". 

If she seems genuinely distressed you can ask "Do you think you are making me a higher priority than I am making you"?

And do not let her make this about "sex". Stay on point - this is about respect for each other and prioritizing each other. 

That said I would completely stop initiating sex. If you increase her respect for you - her drive will return all by itself. 







magimaker said:


> Thanks Mem, so far this is the best piece of advice I've read so far and it makes perfect sense.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> A little context and then specifics.
> 
> Lets start with this. She wants to desire you. Truly. She is missing out on love just as much as you are. So the stuff below is not you against her, it is you - creating an environment where she WANTS to love you the way you both want. It is not adversarial, even though at first glance you may wonder about that.
> 
> ...


I have to say, this is really interesting.

In my effort to detach and get rid of my co-dependency with my husband, I AM doing some of the above and didn't even realize it.

Thanks - was already doing some of these actions but didn't realize that they were "part of my playbook" until now.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Good for you. 




MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I have to say, this is really interesting.
> 
> In my effort to detach and get rid of my co-dependency with my husband, I AM doing some of the above and didn't even realize it.
> 
> Thanks - was already doing some of these actions but didn't realize that they were "part of my playbook" until now.


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## Wild1 (Dec 29, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> At first she is going to get pissed at all this and then she is going to fall back in love with you. Because kissing a womans ass is a certain path to celibacy.


:iagree:


See, there you go. THAT was my point as well, no need to be harsh.


:allhail:


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

I'd like to support Draguna....our counsellor suggested to me yesterday that I just stop wanting, requesting etc ANYTHING from my wife. Sort of turn the tables. Give her the back massages, make her dinner, make her feel good (in a NON sexual way) but make it very clear indeed that I dont want ANYTHING in return. Even if she tries to offer say a hand job, decline it politely. 
Don't be so easy and available...make her work for it just as she does me but to no avail!
One problem with that....1) I'm a male 2) I have full balls 3) they need emptying, and its always nicer if someone else does it for you... even if there is no emotion there!


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

jezza said:


> One problem with that....1) I'm a male 2) I have full balls 3) they need emptying, and its always nicer if someone else does it for you... even if there is no emotion there!


Oh god, that made me laugh. :rofl:

Well, about the massages, if she doesn give you something, I'd say to not give her as well. Either way, check MEM's posts. He is the real expert here, while Deejo has knowledge about everything.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I agree to forget about sex. That said if "she" wants a massage - smile and say you will get as good as you give. And I am not talking about "that" kind of massage. Just the normal kind I give you. And then be silent. And do not argue the point. If SHE wants a massage she will give you one. If not, that is fine as well. But don't "wait" around hoping for one. Go on about your day. 

And in fact while you should continue business as usual in "most respects" you will do very well to COMPLETELY stop with:
- saying ILY first - if she doesn't say it to you - thats ok - be patient.
- touching her in ANY way - let HER touch you first
- doing anything else that means "I love you" - do your fair share of the housework. 
- be fun and playful (verbally only) and upbeat 
- STOP anything - like gifts/extra special dinners that means "I love you" 

If you don't let her "come to you" she never will. 




jezza said:


> I'd like to support Draguna....our counsellor suggested to me yesterday that I just stop wanting, requesting etc ANYTHING from my wife. Sort of turn the tables. Give her the back massages, make her dinner, make her feel good (in a NON sexual way) but make it very clear indeed that I dont want ANYTHING in return. Even if she tries to offer say a hand job, decline it politely.
> Don't be so easy and available...make her work for it just as she does me but to no avail!
> One problem with that....1) I'm a male 2) I have full balls 3) they need emptying, and its always nicer if someone else does it for you... even if there is no emotion there!


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## anglebaby (Aug 10, 2011)

magimaker said:


> I'm sure this is a question that crops up in here somewhat frequently but it's something I'm dealing with and it's starting to grow past the annoying level.
> 
> Here's our history. My wife and I have been married seven years now after dating for three years prior. We have no kids, she works a day schedule and I am more of an entrepreneur who works from home and does some occasional travel.
> 
> ...


I am dealing with a similar situation after 16years of marriage. I believe the problem is the same for both of us, we have moved on to friendship only. In my wife's eyes I am her best friend so I can kind of see her problem, do you really want to have sex with your best friend? I wonder if humans are really meant to be monogamous, there seems to be many good men having the same issue. My wife was married once before and he cheated on her so she divorced him. After around 3 years of marriage our sex life started to dwindle, so one day I asked her if she had cut back the sex from her last husband just prior to him starting an affair. After a few minutes thinking about it she answered that indeed, she had. I am not sure why so many women seem to lose their sex drive, but it seems to be a big problem.


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## WorldsApart (May 5, 2011)

I'm in the middle of this as well, and so far Athol's book and blog: Married Man Sex Life has been a HUGE help.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MEM thats some awesome advice and it works. I notice the more I do, the more available I am the less sex I get. Pull back and he chases. It's hard to do though when your drive is through the roof though. lol


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## inneedof (Apr 28, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> Magi,
> I am betting on you. I think you already know this but just in case:
> - Do NOT talk to her about your plan. That is a guaranteed train wreck.
> - When she asks you what is up - and at some point she will - just stick with this: "Do you think I am treating you unfairly"?
> ...


Mem,

Your playbook sounds so right it is scary...I'm a wife that needs her husband to use the playbook and get my respect back....so now what??? I know the rules and he doesn't. I have taked to him about getting his "confidence" back (spine). And he talks about working out and trying to get in shape, but does nothing instead. Continues down the same path of falling all over my feet and I tell him to quit it and act "normal". I am going to an MC but it is not helping. Sorry to interupt, but I have the "wife's libido is history" here and just wished I could feel differently...but I can't. Glad Magi is seeking help!


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