# Very small triumph



## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Wife moved out Friday. Today is Tuesday. I spoke with her Sunday morning because I called her late Saturday night and left a voicemail wanting her to call on her way to work to let me know that she and the dog she has with her were OK after Saturday's tornados.

She called me this evening while I was over at a friend's house for dinner. Let me stop here and say that I had a great day today. I cut my IC appointment short at about 45 minutes by telling counselor that I thought I was done, but could I call in about a month for another appointment.
My daughter and I went out and bought dishes today so that we could give her the butt ugly dishes my mother in law gave us years ago.
Had a wonderful Mexican dinner with my daughter, during which my buddy called and invited us to dinner at his mother's house. Daughter was going out of town for the night, and I had eaten, but was glad to hang out.

While I was there, my cell rang. It was the wife. We talked a while. She told me that she only had the dog, an AM/FM radio, some sudoku puzzles, and a dull pencil for entertainment. There is no cable where she's living. She has no TV or internet. I told her in a friendly manner that we had some of those plastic pencil sharpeners at the house, and I'd send one with my daughter when she came this Friday night. I was friendly and civil the whole time, but wanted to tell her that I had three TVs at home with everything the cable company had to offer, lots of internet, and an honest to goodness pencil sharpener mounted to a shelf in the laundry room.

Damn, but that felt good! After all of the begging I've done, it felt good to feel in control for a change.

We are supposed to be spending the weekend painting our rental house. The plan is to camp out there Saturday night. I may decide I have plans that night and need to drive the hour and change back home. It's OK, though. I'll be back Sunday morning after sleeping in my bed instead of on the floor. This feels good. I have no intention of hurting her, but feeling like I have a life without her is a good thing.

Am I wrong in feeling this, or am I on my way to recovery?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

No I remember one day when my exH was with his wistress and divorce was filed and I went with the kids to the park. That day I had bought some RED red throw pillows for the couch because I like red and my exH thought it was too colorful--and I had bought some grape juice (which I love) which my exH would never let be drink because he said I would spill it. And we went to the park and I was swinging with the kids and actually ENJOYED it. I mean I was in the moment feeling JOY...

...and I thought to myself: "I'm getting a divorce and I'm not sad. Is that a bad thing?? Shouldn't I be upset or sad or something?" 

No. I enjoyed red. I enjoyed grape juice. And I enjoyed swinging. And those were all things I had "lost" to appease my exH...things that brought me joy which I had rediscovered. 

So it's okay to feel happy, have JOY in your life, feel good, or even occasionally have peace without all the "trauma drama" and realize that you're okay. You are going to live castingabout. Imagine that!


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Living didn't seem like a very attractive option just last week, but I have to say that the appeal of it has grown considerably since then.

I guess being appreciative of the little things helps us appreciate the bigger things. It feels strange to think that I'm really going to be Ok, and to feel it at the same time. I like it!


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Had to go for the rest of my STD screening yesterday. Nothing will endear your unfaithful spouse to you like having something shoved up your urethra while a nurse reminds you to breathe.
While she was out of the room afterward, I had a funny thought and finally couldn't stop laughing. When she returned, I debated for a moment and ten told her the reason for my mirth. "You're the first woman to touch me there in the last 22 years other than my wife. I have to say that it wasn't pleasant, but I did enjoy talking to you. Now I'm scared of dating." She laughed with me for a while.

W called last night. She's sad and bored with nobody to talk to. She was on her way to the grocery. As she pulled up, she realized they were closed. She was out of toothpaste. I feel for her. We've got plenty here, but I didn't mention it.

I find myself being indifferently polite to her. Friendly, but not overly so. No desperation. The cool part is that I don't feel any desperation at all. I realized yesterday that moving on will be easier than reconciling would. I look forward to dating again. 
My daughter and I are planning a party in the next month or so. All of the great friends who were there through this will be invited. I'm planning on cooking one of the hams from one of my freakishly large pigs and chopping it into barbecue, Eastern NC style. We'll have a fire and sing and play into the night. It used to e that way here on the farm. It will be again.

I have to spend the weekend around my W at our rental house getting ready for a new renter. The plan is for us to camp out there, daughter included. My first thought was to just drive back home for the night and go back Sunday. I now think staying there is a good idea. My distance feels good. I'd like for her to feel more of it. It will make me stronger to be around her and feel like I'm feeling.

Damn, I'm feeling good!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

castingabout said:


> I find myself being indifferently polite to her. Friendly, but not overly so. No desperation. The cool part is that I don't feel any desperation at all. I realized yesterday that moving on will be easier than reconciling would. I look forward to dating again.


It sounds like you're in a really good place. Awesome!


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

I got flirted with today by a very attractive teller at my local bank. We talked for about ten minutes, much of it with our heads together over the counter. It was a huge boost to my ego that such an attractive woman would seem interested in me. Not ready to pursue anyone yet, but it feels good to know I'm still desirable. This will be extra fuel for my indifferent cheerfulness this weekend with the wife. I know it's probably wrong, but it made me feel better.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

YAY! I am glad to hear you are doing so well. I have been MIA on this site myself for the past few weeks. 

I'm in a good place. I have been working out a lot & really enjoying it. Catching up with my friends, and making new ones. Doing things I enjoy doing. Plus met a very nice guy & we're having another date this weekend!! 

Life is good!


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> YAY! I am glad to hear you are doing so well. I have been MIA on this site myself for the past few weeks.
> 
> I'm in a good place. I have been working out a lot & really enjoying it. Catching up with my friends, and making new ones. Doing things I enjoy doing. Plus met a very nice guy & we're having another date this weekend!!
> 
> Life is good!



Hell yeah!


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Keep up the good work , bro. I'm right there with you... FREE!


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

I am in the limbo stage. I have come to full terms that this is probaly going to end up in divorce and am ready for it already making plans without her in my life. And like you I am sure I will take glee in those little things. As we haven't seperated yet I am still hoping her epiphany moment happens before I leave. 

If it goes down the wy she wants it to right now though then well Free Free at last, and I am gpoing to enjoy every moment of it. Hell I got flirted with while married (never acted on any of it) I know I am a desirable catch and being a single father for some reason is more attractive then a single mother. Don't know why their is that stigma against single mothers and not single fathers but I am going to go with the lack of publicity for single fathers its payback all you single mothers get all the praise for how hard it is  So while she is struggling in life and to make ends meets I will be living carefree making the most of every day.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I hope I don't step on anybody's toe here, but from what I get- People see single mothers as carrying baggage from the previous marriage because in all likelihood she ends up with the kids. Single dads almost always live alone and have visitation, so its not that much of an imposition on a potential mate. Men don't want to deal with the EX, because there is always going to be this friction with him. That's what I've been told, anyway.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> I hope I don't step on anybody's toe here, but from what I get- People see single mothers as carrying baggage from the previous marriage because in all likelihood she ends up with the kids. Single dads almost always live alone and have visitation, so its not that much of an imposition on a potential mate. Men don't want to deal with the EX, because there is always going to be this friction with him. That's what I've been told, anyway.


I personally do not see divorced mums as carrying baggage, but I guess there a re a lot of males that do, matter of fact the lady I am conversing with has a 5 year old.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Your W IS going to try and get a reaction out of you. Maybe sympathy. Maybe sexual attention. Maybe that you "wish" things had worked out. 

Don't give her the satisfaction. When she goes fishing for a reaction - pretend the bait is invisible. 




castingabout said:


> Hell yeah!


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## Cam33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My ex husband used to make comments all the time rubbing it in that I was broke, living in one room, lonely etc and that I did not get any money from him after the divorce.

He left me so it seemed very unfair. I think you sound quite spiteful.

Although I have to say if you have been left then it gives you more reason to feel that way but still, I never rubbed anything in his face.

Even now that I am doing so much better.


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