# Really hurting right now



## guitardude (Jan 30, 2013)

Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted here in a couple of months. Read my original post to get all of the details. Here is a quck timeline of what is going on:

AUGUST 2011 Starts going out to the bars and constantly listens to her favorite new song "Hey you crazy B*tch, you F*ck so good you're on top of it.
SEPTEMBER 2011 “I want to have sex with other guys”
OCTOBER 2011 Puts pocket p*ssy on neighbors c*ck	
2012	Her friend says “She’s like a little kid in a candy store” referring to her infactuation with hot 22 year old soccer guy
JULY 2012	Rubs *ss in guys c*ck at Hub’s Pub
AUG - OCT 2012	Goes out to the bars all the time and dirty dances with other guys. Friend says “I try to keep her talking to me to keep her away from other men”
SEPTEMBER 2012	“I want an Open Relationship” 
SEPTEMBER 2012	Told her I had sex with another woman to see her reaction. Tells me 3 hours later “I forgive you”. I wonder why. I was at a buddy's house that night.
SEPTEMBER 28,2012 Hire a PI and catch her in a hotel room with another guy at 1 in the morning. She says "We didn't have sex" because I got paranoid and called her 10 minutes after she went in his room 
OCTOBER 2012	Says to me “How can anyone have sex with the same person for 10 years”
NOVEMBER 2012	Tells me she cheated on old boyfriend while they lived together, after years of telling me that she never cheated on him. Tells me “I Lied” straight to my face
DECEMBER 2012	Feels up a guys *ss right in front of me at Hub’s Pub
JANUARY 2013	Starts detachment
FEBRUARY 2013 Says "I want a divorce"

2013

1st and 2nd week of January - starts treating me like sh*t – terse short answers, “Take the F*cking Computer”. Try to kiss her, she turns her head away. Try to do it again; same thing. Gets insanely jealous when I’m in the checkout line at Walmart talking to a female cashier about the weather. Does it again a week later and I drive home alone, then pick her up. Ask her why, she says “I don’t know”.
3rd week of January - starts tanning
4th week of January - She says “I need some time to think, you need to leave”
1st week of February - Joins fitness club. She's never worked out in her life. She's got a great body. She has always had a thing for buff guys
1st week of February - Unfriends me on Facebook
2nd week of February and on - Treats me like I don’t exist and our 12 year marriage never existed
2nd and 3rd weeks of February - gets hotel room off and on, starts f*cking other guys . We haven’t even filed for divorce yet
3rd week of February - Talked to her sister. She only said one thing to me before walking away: "She’s always been like that” 
4th week of February - gets a hotel room for a month even though her friends offered to put her up. She says “I didn't want to impose”
4th week of February - Tells our neighbor “I wish he would just go out and have sex with someone”. I told her and said “You want that so you don’t have to feel so guilty” . Response: “Go F*ck Yourself” 
1st week of March - destroys all of our pictures of us together + the special picture I made for her
2nd week of March - Constantly texting at soccer game instead of paying attention to her kids
3rd week of March - Put a VAR in her car. She says “If Kenny and Shaun are the only ones he knows about, I’m good!” 
3rd week of March - Has a whole list of guys she’s dating, ranking them in order of attractiveness. 
17 April - Divorce

Instead of grieving over the loss of her marriage, husband, and kids (we were a great family), she feels no guilt, remorse, or grief at all. She couldn’t wait to start dating and f*cking other guys. Couldn’t even wait until the divorce was final.

Question: How could you do this knowing full well you would destroy your own children? 

How could anyone sacrifice their own children just to spread your legs for someone else?

She is having sex with other guys and having the time of her life while me and the kids are left to pick up the pieces.


Man, now that the reality has set in, I'm really, really hurting. We did everything together. Even all of her friends said we were a great couple and are completely shocked that we are getting divorced. I've been crying everyday for the last month. Can't seem to get over it. I know it's messed up, but I truly loved her and can't get her out of my head. It's all I think about. I'm like a zombie in my own house. Nothing interests me anymore.


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## guitardude (Jan 30, 2013)

What I don't understand:

1) She detached without anyone else being in the picture.

2) She didn't want to go to MC. Said " If she tells me something I don't want to here, I'll just ignore her". She didn't want to work on our marriage at all.

3) A couple of times in January / Beginning of February she kissed me, then said later "I never kissed you!" She called me "Honey" a couple of times, then denied it. I told her, "You're forcing yourself to be distant"

4) Why in the world did she have to tear up all of our pictures together that were hanging in the house?

5) Now that she has all these different guys, I've never seen her so happy. Is this going to last?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Really hurting right now*



guitardude said:


> What I don't understand:
> 
> 1) She detached without anyone else being in the picture.
> 
> ...


Responses: 
1. She detatched because she feels guilt. IMHO, this is a stupid reason..

2. MC would've saves you guys if she agreed to go. I know what she means because sometimes I would do the same thing with my STBXW. I would ignore anything that was negative and didn't deserve a response.

3. Let her be.. she'll soon realize what she's missing. 

4. She removed the pictures because that is one of the steps of moving on. Rid the home of all memories. When and if you move on, you will have to do the same. 

5. Like I said in #3 just let her be. She will have to answer for her infidelity on Judgement Day, let God rake care of that. I know its hard to think about but try to keep your mind off it. My STBXW cheated twice and I forgave her both times (mistake), I'm not sure if she's doing it again but I've got some suspicions. 

Hope this helps.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry my man but your chick has some mental issues and what ever broke her so many years ago ...and even as a youth have resurfaced cuz she never addressed them.

What I'm talking about is a deliberate sabotage of something good cuz in her head she does not deserve good things. Something happened long ago that broke her and after that she buried it away...only to resurface decades later cuz she never got the help she needed.


Until she gets help her idea of happiness is so unhealthy its sick. This brother is not healthy behavior and it could last for a very long time...she may die alone in a trailer surrounded by cats and cat boo only to be found by the postman before she ever realizes that she is emotionally unhealthy.

What ever happened to bring back those unhealthy thoughts is so strong that with out treatment she will continue.

This has nothing to do with you or the kids this has ever thing to do with a dramatic event in her past that some how has been triggered and her false sense of happiness is just a cover for the real pain that was inflicted decades ago.


Until she fixes her self you have to feel sorry for her...pity her in the unhealthy choices she is making cuz there is nothing any one can do for her until she takes the 1st step in admitting to a problem!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya its sad GD but you can't wear the red cape and save your kids mother, but you can protect your kids so focus on that and never let this women define you....which is exactly what you are doing today.
So stop it!

Kick that pity party to the curb and dust your self off and make the rest of your life count...no matter what!

Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You have every right to mourn the death of this marriage, but just like the death of any loved one we let go and remmber the good time and now that the loved one is no longer alive we still live life and carry on.

So sorry for you lose, but you have kids and a life to live don;t let this mourning take you over.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

the guy said:


> You have every right to mourn the death of this marriage, but just like the death of any loved one we let go and remmber the good time and now that the loved one is no longer alive we still live life and carry on.
> 
> So sorry for you lose, but you have kids and a life to live don;t let this mourning take you over.


Yes.

Don't you accept one ounce of blame for this. She doesn't deserve you. Just thank god you found out and didn't waste more of your life with this tramp.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

Someday she may recognize the time with you was the best time of her life. But don't expect to ever hear her say it. Maybe, not probably but maybe she will see that she is making a mistake sooner rather than later. By the time she does I hope you are as fortunate as me and have found someone so much better that cares about you. You and your children can have a better life, it will be impossible to squeeze that woman into that life so let her move on.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much. Even though it probably isn't helpful to think it's temporary, it truly is. You'll have to get through the grieving process, though, and that can take quite a while, maybe even a year or more, before you reach full acceptance.

I'll do my best to answer the questions you've posed: 



guitardude said:


> Question: How could you do this knowing full well you would destroy your own children? How could anyone sacrifice their own children just to spread your legs for someone else?
> 
> *I seriously doubt she thinks of it this way. Instead, she probably thinks, "Kids are resilient, so they'll be fine" or whatever will let her think these actions are ok. *
> 
> ...


*I hope you'll find ways to take care of yourself. It's normal to feel sad, angry, numb, depressed at different times. You'll blame yourself at times, and sometimes you'll hate her. This is all normal. If it's overwhelming for more than a couple months, though, I'd encourage you to talk to a grief counselor.*


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

mule kick said:


> Someday she may recognize the time with you was the best time of her life. But don't expect to ever hear her say it. Maybe, not probably but maybe she will see that she is making a mistake sooner rather than later. By the time she does I hope you are as fortunate as me and have found someone so much better that cares about you. You and your children can have a better life, it will be impossible to squeeze that woman into that life so let her move on.


Its my thinking that she already knows the best time of her life was with you and she just doesn't deserve it. In her head being used by men after men is what was learned long ago when she was little. 

Have you already heard her tell you that she is not worth it and you deserve better? Again another attempt to sabotage something good in her life due to a dramatic event that happened when she was young.

I'm no expert but from my own experiences what your wife experienced as a little girl has taught her that its OK to behave this way, even tough rationally any sane person can see how unhealthy it is.

She is in her comfort zone in what she was taught as a young girl. some one treated her bad and it has now re rooted its self in her current behavior.

Some one took control over her when she was young and now she feels she has taken back this control by having other men want her.

dude there a several reason she is the way she is, maybe it was a date rape when she was a teen or some relative touching her when she was very very young.

The cause for her current behavior can only be addressed by her and the admission to what happened to her in the past is more painful then even the destruction of her home, family and marriage.


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## guitardude (Jan 30, 2013)

Thanks to all for replying. In my original post back a couple of months ago, it goes into all the details. She was sexually abused as a child by her stepdad for approx. 6 months when she was 4 years old. She told me one time that her Mom stood by her stepdad instead of her. She is on good terms with her stepdad ever since I started dating her 13 years ago. They talk fairly frequently.

In Kathy's original response from the original post, she stated something that I really believe. She needs to be validated by other men. I told her fairly frequently about how beautiful, sexy, etc. she was. But I really believe that she needed to hear that from other men, not her husband. She is a really insecure individual. I could never have a female as a friend. Just talking to a strange woman would set her off.

I just can't believe that she treats our marriage like it never happened. We had awesome times together. We were 'the team'.

Whenever we've talked in the last couple of months, she always says "this is why we are getting divorced' and "this is why we are getting divorced". Every time its something different. The last time it was cause I asked her to get a phone card and some groceries from the store. "This is why we're getting divorced. Your always asking me to get something". I texted her back " So if your new husband asks you to get him something from Wal-mart, are you going to divorce him too?"

I was on good terms with her parents. We'd see each other about 4 times a year (they live 100 miles away). When my STBX and I were talking about divorce 7 weeks ago, I drove to her parents house. Her mom wasn't there but her stepdad was. I told him very little of what was going on, just that my STBX wanted a divorce. He said he had heard but didn't know any details. My STBX sister knows everything; they're very close. Don't think her Mom knows any details either. 

When she found out that I had briefly talked to her stepdad, she texted me " Just F*cking let it go. I am tired of you bringing up stuff related to our divorce. Just move on. You only see things the way you want to. And no one cares so just leave my family alone also. They don't care what you have to say. I make my own decisions"

I really want to talk to her parents to set the record straight.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

My story is very similar although my STBXW is not a very sexual person so with her it has involved dating and trying to find that ideal guy out there (the one who was going to make everything perfect and bring rainbows and unicorns into her life) rather than having sex. But she started that process well before she dropped the Dbomb on me and shipped in the OM as soon as she said "I want a divorce - and don't even bother trying to persuade me to go to any kind of counselling".

Meanwhile she filed for D and is trying to get it done as quickly as humanly possible.

My conclusion: there really is nothing I can do about it. She is a deeply unhappy person. The thing she doesn't understand is that happiness comes from withinm but she is trying to find something or someone external who is going to come along and make her happy. That is a recipe for a life of unhappiness. I have tried to explain that to her but she just thinks I'm full of ****.


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## guitardude (Jan 30, 2013)

I'm starting to feel better, but I really want to make sense of it all. 

She Detached from our marriage which lasted approx. 1 month, said she wanted a divorce, started f*ucking about 4-5 different guys for about 1 1/2 months, and now she's settled on one guy and is living with him.

Which catagory does she fall in?

Is she in the Fog? I thought that only happens when there is an affair? 

Is she a wayward spouse? I don't know, because in her mind, she already wanted the divorce and filed soon after this started.

Is she a walkaway wife? I don't know; I don't think she had anyone lined up when she started detaching.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Really hurting right now*



guitardude said:


> I'm starting to feel better, but I really want to make sense of it all.
> 
> She Detached from our marriage which lasted approx. 1 month, said she wanted a divorce, started f*ucking about 4-5 different guys for about 1 1/2 months, and now she's settled on one guy and is living with him.
> 
> ...


IMHO, she could be a all of these or a combination of them.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

OP,

Based on her behavior that you've posted her, I am not even sure what you're looking for in the way of answers.

It's obvious that your in shock and trying to process waht happened and why. While I think IC would help you tremendously, the short answer is that your wife has chosen another lifestyle that doesn't include you or your kids. It really doesn't matter why at this point. What's important now is for you to be there for your kids. They need a strong influence in their life RIGHT NOW. BE THAT!

Stop communicating with her mommy and step-daddy. I am sure she views this as pathetic.

It's time to go 100% dark on her. Tell her that she shouldn't communicate with you unless it's about the divorce or the kids and you'll do the same. Tell her all comms should be in email form so there are no misunderstandings.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

guitardude said:


> I'm starting to feel better, but I really want to make sense of it all.
> 
> She Detached from our marriage which lasted approx. 1 month, said she wanted a divorce, started f*ucking about 4-5 different guys for about 1 1/2 months, and now she's settled on one guy and is living with him.
> 
> ...


Honestly, she's a messed up cheap tramp. Sorry, I'm not trying to attack you here,but it really is that simple. 

Does she also do drugs in addition to sleeping with any guy that comes around her?

She's no doubt cheating on the current sucker guy that's currently proving her room and board.

You should seriously post her on cheaterville.com so any wives who look her up if she's sniffing around their men can be warned about her true nature.


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