# Things will change.



## Endnote (Aug 15, 2010)

Hello all, like many of you I'm going through a divorce here in California after a marriage that only lasted 8 months. We were together for 3 and 1/2 years total including the marriage. To give you some background, she has autoimmune hepatitis, a disease where the immune system attacks the liver. She was improperly diagnosed from ages 14-17, when a doctor finally made the correct diagnosis and put her on the liver transplant list at 18. I've had no major health problems. She's now 23 and I'm 25. Obviously we're both still young. We first met in 2007 where we both found that we had an obsession with Disneyland, and we became friends at first. About 3 months later, we started dating. We went through a lot. Within the first month she went through a short term pregnancy and a miscarriage. This caused her body and liver to shut down, and after I left for some training to Oklahoma for my job, she went to the hospital where she stayed for the time I was there. When I returned, she was let out of the hospital. Things went up and down for her, and she was eventually given a liver transplant a month later. That was the first 3 months of our relationship. She was 20 and I was 22. It was crazy. We stayed together and had our ups and downs. In October of 2008 I proposed to her. The engagement had its ups and downs, with plenty of stress. Her grandparents, who are financially loaded, paid for a wedding at Disneyland in the vein of 25k. I paid some, about 2k or so. We were married in October of 2009 and things started out real rocky. She is very selfish and materialistic, and financially we were not on the same page. She wanted to spend money on anything and everything. I was much keener on being frugal. She brought with her a school and a car loan, that was partially being paid for by disability. We lost her disability because I made too much. Within months things were getting worse, I felt like I was doing all the work, where she felt like she was doing all the work. Eventually we both shut each other out. Around April or so she started meeting up with a group of friends who were all big fans of Disneyland, and much more obsessed than I could ever be. She started going to Disneyland and leaving our apartment on a regular basis (sometimes as much as 5 days a week) and going to there with a group of people from that iphone app Mousewait. One of these people was the OM. She began to confide in him about our problems and of course, he took the opportunity to woo her. In the first week of July she came to me and said she was feeling unhappy with herself and said she needed some time to be away from me to think. I suggested she to go to Disneyland with some of her friends and enjoy herself and take some time to think about what she wants, and that I would support her 100 percent. She left on July 8th. On July 10th she was with this group of Disneyland people including the OM. At some point she went with him on her own at Disneyland and after having a talk they kissed (she told me they kissed about 4 or 5 times that night). The day after she called me and told me that she wanted to separate and didn't want to be married anymore. I broke down and asked why and she said that she just wasn't happy with us or herself. The following day, July 12th, I was snooping through her email when I found she had sent a picture of her kissing the OM to a separate email account of hers that I had not known about. I exploded and asked her to tell me why she had cheated on me with the OM. I don't recall what she told me, I was incredibly emotional and on the verge of vomiting. The rest of the week I begged her to come back and work things out with me but she insisted that she doesn't know what she wants and that she wasn't going to make a decision at the time. I explained to her that though I wasn't ready to get married when we had, I still wanted to be married to her. She was overwhelmed by this and charged an $800 Louis Vitton hand bag to my credit card. I felt very hurt by this and asked her to return it. Eventually I told her I don't care about the bag and I didn't want to base my marriage on a bag (she never returned the bag). That same week she stayed in a hotel with Mark the night before the 55th anniversary of Disneyland. She has insisted that they didn't do anything sexual, and whether or not that's true, she was still having an emotional affair with him. Since then she and I have gone back and forth fighting because I wanted her to work this out with me but I don't want to wait, especially since the OM is still in the picture. About two weeks ago I made her promise to take the OM out of the picture in fairness to me, and she conceded after it took me nearly 15-20 minutes to get her to promise. She promised she wouldn't see him that weekend (the weekend that she and some fellow Disneyland Wedding Brides got together) and that she would eventually let him go. Well that weekend came and she did see him (I find it incredibly unfair that she expects me to remain on good terms with her while the OM is still her friend). I avoided her like the plague because I'm still extremely hurt by the fact that she doesn't want to try and make this work with me. She got angry with me avoiding her and decided that we did need to get a divorce. I conceded to the divorce because the pain has overtaken my life and I cannot continue to be in love with someone who won't show me the same love . This past week she went with the OM for his birthday to the place I proposed to her. It was a really low blow to me. We talked this week and I got her to admit that part of her wants to be with the OM, part of her is still in love with me, and part of her wants to be alone. A most definite paradox that will only continue to hurt me if I stick around. So we’ve begun the process of a divorce. I’m coming more to terms that she is moving on with her life. She is with the OM very often. She’s lied to me about it. And each day I feel more and more comfortable with the idea that she’ll never be in my life again. As I read someone else on here stay, well, I’ll paraphrase, I’m going to choose not to stay with a liar for the rest of my life. And to all of the others here who feel like they're being steamrolled but can't let go - it's time to start anew.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Good for you. What I read was, you grew up and started to look at life from an adult point of view. She still wanted to be a kid going to Disneyland all the time using your and her grandparents' money.

You'll be better off without her. She's got alot of growing up to do still and I'm not sure if you want to be a babysitter for your wife.


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## Endnote (Aug 15, 2010)

Isn't that the truth? It is hard to move on, but I know that in reality she's doing me a favor. Like anyone I'm having a hard time reconciling my logic with my emotions. It takes time, and I know it'll take hard work to keep her out of my life and mind. But I read what others are going through and it's very encouraging to see people on here and in my life tell me to get out, especially after a mere 8 months. Keep on keeping on everyone, you all have my respect.


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