# It's all too confusing.....



## kevsand718 (Jun 3, 2010)

First let me say sorry for jumping around so much in this post. I have a lot on my mind and it just came out in random chunks. 

Well I figured I would write in since it has been a year since the W and I had a long talk about needs and the sex in our marriage. We have been married closing on 11 years. After our talk we started off having sex 2 times a month and give me hand jobs another 3-4 times in same month. Since then it has slowly been on the decline. we sometimes have sex once a month and then I get a hand job maybe another 2 times in that month. Both only happen if I make a suggestive comment that i have a need. I have tried every suggestion / opinion mentioned in this forum with little to no success. I just don't get it. I was the alpha male, I took on more responsibility, more affection, less affection, went out more and stayed home more. I'm sure there is other things i did too but just can't remember. I could be the most fun, loving person and I would still just looked at like a friend in my mind. Nothing I did or could do would make her "want" me. Back rubs - she's not into them, foot massage - she's not into them. She likes holding hands - we do that, she likes talking - we do that , she likes going out to dinner / shopping - we do that. I don't get it... What can I do to make her want to have sex with me. It doesn't even have to be sex i would be more than happy just orally satisfying her. She doesn't understand that I enjoy her body and that physical closeness. Now If I ask for it I will either get rejected, ignored or offered a helping hand which just seems like a pity move to me. It's so annoying I just refuse and move on. It would be nice to have the tables turned and I not always be after her. I don't think that's ever going to happen though. It's even more frustrating because I have woman friends and they mention how sexy I am and how they would love to have me. Why doesn't my wife feel the same way? I don't want the answer "it's because you are not changing things up in the marriage" I have tried. There is only so much you can do when a person is not interested in a lot of the things you do to "spice" things up. One of the things we also talked about was me initiatiating more. Well the reason I stopped initiating so much was because i was always getting "not now" or "maybe" but then nothing happened. Just last night I got "it's too hot" and I replied "and in the winter it's too cold you tell me" I can't win. She has told me she is just not a sexual person but she does enjoy it and has multiple orgasm's when we do but DAMN why does it have to be so infrequent. I just don't know what else i can do to get us to have sex more often. Once a month sucks and just getting hand jobs is quickly becoming a bore. I mean I can do that myself.


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## Zaphod (Jun 1, 2011)

Have you tried a Sex Therapist yet? If not, it might help. Not a guarantee, but it does help some people. Don't let it be an "option", rather, state that you both need this to save the relationship then schedule. If she doesn't want to go, then you have your real answer about her commitment to the relationship and you.

Take this from somebody who is at the end of the long, lonely road that you're going down and about to take an off ramp into a new life. Without effort by both parties, there's no way something can get fixed in a marriage. If she doesn't want to put in real effort, then she does not want to be married badly enough.

Sorry bro, I know where you're coming from.


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