# Why am I not good enough?



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

My husband has been gone for eleven days. During that time, he has repeatedly told me that he is never coming back and that I need to start to accept that he isn't in love with me any more. I just can't even begin to accept this. We have a beautiful home, a son, and are very blessed in many ways. I can't even imagine all of this going away. I keep wondering how he could fall out of love with me when I still love him so much.


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## LockeCPM4 (Jul 11, 2012)

I am sorry for your pain. You are among friends here. Most of us are in similar situations.

It may be helpful to provide some background of what things have been like in your marriage so these fine people can give you the best advice possible. For example, is there another woman involved, have things been strained for a while? etc...

For my part, I will tell you that even though it hurts, and you will go crazy trying to figure out the "why".

I would recommend some individual counseling, and maybe approach the idea of marriage counseling with your husband. The best thing you can do, however, is pretend you are OK with everything he says or does.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I am very sorry for your pain. I am very familar with the feelings. Take some deep breaths as it hasn't been that long. I know 11 days seems like eternity but it is not nearly enough time for him to miss you or your son.

You are a very special person and weather or not it would work out in the end, someone will come along again and think you are special.

I don't like the idea mentioned above about agreeing with everything he says and does. You are your own individual and if you are not ok with something that truly matters then don't agree to it. You are a strong person. I gave in and agreed to everything mine did and for 18 months and the only place it got me was neediness and low self-esteem.

First and foremost is take care of yourself and your son. If you spiral out of control it is harder to climb back out of the hole. I am living proof.

(Hugs)


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## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

Today was a terrible day. I felt sorry for myself the entire day. I told myself that I was going to take this one day at a time and I ended up looking far into the future and thinking of how lonely I will be on Christmas, my birthday, valentine's day. I don't know how to put up Christmas lights like my husband did. There are a ton of things I will miss and I feel so alone even though I have family and friends who have been very supportive.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You are "good enough". Love isn't a contest to be won or lost. Either your H is going through some kind of internal crisis and finding himself all over again, which means he's cutting off his world to build a new one, or he is already infatuated with someone else and is leaving you for that person. Those would be my guesses. Either way, you can't do anything about it and you certainly can't try to earn his love or approval or affection like a commodity because you are not an object for sale or someone who needs to be judged worthy by him and granted his love as a prize. You may love him, but he wants to go and so you should let him go. I know it feels like somehow, his leaving has to do with some deficiency in you, personally, but more often than not, the person straying from the marriage is doing so not because of some fault of the faithful spouse but because the wayward spouse is searching for something in his or her own life and not sure how to find it within the current dynamic of his/her life. It's not about you. You are good enough for you. You're good enough for your son. And, when you start loving yourself enough to make up for his deficiencies, you will see how much he is losing and how much more of your own happiness you stand to gain when you're not putting all of it in his hands. It is so hard to feel like it isn't one's own fault, but it isn't. It's just the way it is. I think you should treat yourself to some indulgences, pamper yourself in small ways, be kind to yourself for a while; it will help ease the pain of this.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> Why am I not good enough?


If you're good enough to be born, you're good enough to be loved. 

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and read the following 2 links. You've got a lot of work to do. If you dedicate yourself to *yourself* for the next little while (a month or two) you will feel like a super-hero compared to the person you used to be. And trust me, there's no better feeling than feeling strong and in-control.

*Just Let Them Go*
*The 180 degree rules*


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

synthetic said:


> If you're good enough to be born, you're good enough to be loved.
> 
> Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and read the following 2 links. You've got a lot of work to do. If you dedicate yourself to *yourself* for the next little while (a month or two) you will feel like a super-hero compared to the person you used to be. And trust me, there's no better feeling than feeling strong and in-control.
> 
> ...


 
Syn's right. He gave me this advice and I have been studying it and applying it and I am seeing changes in my self. Small some days and bigger other days and one day they will all be big changes for me for the better.

Hang in there....I know your pain....it is hard I know, but you can do it.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

You *ARE* good enough and a *BETTER* person than him for even putting up with him. He's just looking for excuses to do what he's doing and not have you around to make him feel guilty.... bring him back to reality and shatter his distorted image of himself. 

Agree with him 100% and follow his rules. "You're right H..... enjoy yourself". Then play by his rules..... say you're going to stop chasing and completely leave him alone. He'll git sick of the silence or be forced to talk to you during the divorce. Don't even worry about it. Just worry about you and make the conscious decision to stop needing him to value yourself.


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