# Husband wants to have sex all the time



## cowgirl92 (Jun 3, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for about 10 months, and everything is great except for our sex life.... and I didn't realize how much it affects other parts of our relationship. We usually have sex 3-4 times a week but recently I have just had a really low sex drive. It started when I was in my spring semester this year and I was staying up all night to do assignments/study and we really didn't have sex because I didn't have time. We would work opposite shifts and when he was home I would be in school so we had sex maybe once a week if that. Now the summer is here and we're able to spend a lot more time together except I want to have sex about once a week and my sex drive hasn't gone up. My husband wants to have sex a few times a week, and I constantly turn him down because I'm just not in the mood. I've been turning him down a lot lately and when I do he gets frustrated and very insecure. I made a big mess because we have both gained a significant amount of weight since being married so I told him we should loose weight together and take better care of ourselves and maybe my sex drive would go up. Now his insecurities are through the roof, he's constantly pushing to have sex and now the thought of sex is just a big turn off for me.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

most men need sex as part of a loving,happy marriage.

try to dig down deep and meet his needs but also express your needs so you don't get resentfull. 

it take effort to be in a happy loving marriage.

losing weight would also be good for you guys maybe start by taking a walk after dinner and you guys could also talk and maybe feel more connected.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

cowgirl92 said:


> My husband and I have been married for about 10 months, and everything is great except for our sex life.... and I didn't realize how much it affects other parts of our relationship. We usually have sex 3-4 times a week but recently I have just had a really low sex drive. It started when I was in my spring semester this year and I was staying up all night to do assignments/study and we really didn't have sex because I didn't have time. We would work opposite shifts and when he was home I would be in school so we had sex maybe once a week if that. Now the summer is here and we're able to spend a lot more time together except I want to have sex about once a week and my sex drive hasn't gone up. My husband wants to have sex a few times a week, and I constantly turn him down because I'm just not in the mood. I've been turning him down a lot lately and when I do he gets frustrated and very insecure. I made a big mess because we have both gained a significant amount of weight since being married so I told him we should loose weight together and take better care of ourselves and maybe my sex drive would go up. Now his insecurities are through the roof, he's constantly pushing to have sex and now the thought of sex is just a big turn off for me.


For me, being turned down by my wife leads to lots of insecurities... "am I not good enough" "is she doing someone else" I don't provide for her well enough for her to want me"

Sex and our egos can be closely connected. Losing weight will help, and exercise will kick your drive up. If my wife gets a good cardio workout 3 times a week, she is much more interested than if she is not working out.

In the mean time, do what you can to give him what he needs. We men do need it, but beware the lack of enthusiasm "get on, get off, and GET OFF" type of sex, where he feels you are resenting it.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

You don't mean "husband wants sex all the time"

You mean "husband wants sex at the frequency we had before my desire disappeared."

I don't say this to "blame" you. I'm saying - make sure you're not blaming HIM, or making his desires seem wrong or ridiculous.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but sex "a few times a week" is hardly "all the time", especially for a young newlywed couple.he might be casting out his line a lot though because his success ratio is very low.

I would advise you two to consider getting some outside help to start healing your relationship. But in the meatime, how often do you go out on dates together? Make an effort to show each other how special you are?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't see the problem. You want it once a week...he wants it 3-4 times a week...so compromise?

Don't start fighting about sex....omg.

Workout, try to raise your libido. Get sexual and see how your body responds EVEN THOUGH you dont' want it at that moment. You'll be surprised how you can get warmed up.

It's been 10 months. Don't pull the "stereotypical wife" card. 

I know I'll get crap for this post, but holy hell...so many women with husbands who WANT THEM and they complain. This will eat away at your marriage in time.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I don't see why you'd get crap for that, That Girl, you spoke Truth!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I opened this, I thought I'd read about a guy who wants it 3-5 times a DAY! not 3-4 times a week.

That's not all the time...that's a healthy marriage. 

And to only be married 10 months and push your spouse away? Eesh....careful...that ice is thin.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree with that girl. This same poster would likely be upset if her husband didn't want her.

And not having time to have sex is one of the biggest lies out there. You have time for things that are important and things that aren't get dropped. Happens all the time.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

One more thing my husband may not be in the mood to go to work but he does it. Every single day. I may not be in the mood to clean the house but I do it. I may not be in the mood to eat right but my husband (and I) prefer me thin so I do that too.

Great relationships require effort. The sooner you realize this the better. Not being in the mood or blaming your size are just more excuses.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Is anyone else reminded of that scene from Annie Hall?

Shrink to female patient: How often do you have sex?
Female: All the time, 2-3 times a week.
Shrink to male patient: How often do you have sex?
Male: Hardly ever, 2-3 times a week.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

that_girl said:


> When I opened this, I thought I'd read about a guy who wants it 3-5 times a DAY! not 3-4 times a week.
> 
> That's not all the time...that's a healthy marriage.
> 
> And to only be married 10 months and push your spouse away? Eesh....careful...that ice is thin.


That's what I thought. 

OP I wonder if you know that the way men feel loved is by the amount of passion their partner has for them and the quantity and quality of sex. 

Would that make a difference in your willingness to increase frequency. You can comprimise with one more time a week until you recover from the stress from school. I don't think of sex as much as my husband but when we have sex I get into it. We worked out what it takes for me to focus on sex, become aroused than then desire kicks it. men have spontaneous desire, many woman, have to work at it a little. 

Knowing what a pivotal role sex plays in my marriage, I allow myself to be arroused. If I didn't understand then I would resent having sex when I did not think of it. However, since i know about the differences in female and male sexuality, I don't feel resentful. It is not my husband fault the he is male nor mine that I am female, we accept and accommodate each other. It part of building a strong relationship. 

Now do you understand his anxiety? If you love him, try to understand him and help him understand you. Let him know what you need to warm up and allow yourself to relax and respond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So the two of you have put on some weight and now you want to lose it? How diet and working out?

Did you know that one of the healtiest form of exercise is sex? If you have sex twice a week, it's the equivalent of jogging 90 miles a year. That's almost 2 miles a week. Have sex 4 times a week... that's like 4 miles a week.

I used to jog a lot. I can tell you that sex is a lot more fun then going to the gym or jogging.

As a woman, the more sex you have, the more you will want. When women stop having sex their sex drive goes down. The best way to improve your sex life and lose that weight is to get as much sex as you can.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So the two of you have put on some weight and now you want to lose it? How diet and working out?
> 
> Did you know that one of the healtiest form of exercise is sex? I*f you have sex twice a week, it's the equivalent of jogging 90 miles a year. That's almost 2 miles a week. Have sex 4 times a week... that's like 4 miles a week.*
> 
> ...


Hmmmm.... my hubby has been saying his mind isn't on sex lately. He also says he needs to lose weight (actually, we both know we need to)... I think I need to bring that up!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Hmmmm.... my hubby has been saying his mind isn't on sex lately. He also says he needs to lose weight (actually, we both know we need to)... I think I need to bring that up!


Hey this is my plan for getting back in shape.. i just need to find someone now :rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Hey this is my plan for getting back in shape.. i just need to find someone now :rofl:


Be on top a lot...your butt will look great!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Be on top a lot...your butt will look great!


I wonder if my exh would be upset if I have my new exercise partner into my house?

Think I should go to the senior dating site and advertise for one?

:rofl:


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

.... and eventually your husband will pay attention to you once a week. Your body and time is worth no more than his mind and time. Sex is wrong and off limits in elementary school, your body is sacred and special in middle school, and your sex was once a week for that lucky guy you had a crush on in high school. The day you get married sex is no longer naughty. It has now became a part of a healthy marriage because a man doesn't get married to have sex once a week. Men have needs, the same as you have needs. It's unfortunate you got married not understanding exactly what it means to be married. I can't imagine my wife rejecting me and pushing my intimacy away. I'd hate her, if she refused to compromise I'd want to cheat on her, and I definitely wouldn't put her on the pedestal I have put her own. I see her as this special person that can calm me down when mad, relieve me when stressed, and handle all the muscle and pressure I can generate with open arms and kisses. Women are amazing, sex is the ultimate form of approval, to be rejected would slowly kill my soul. 

If you want a happy husband, take care of his needs.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You need to fix the relationship dynamics. You aren't finding your husband attractive any more and you need to find out why and why your drive is so slow. 
I know for myself I don't find asking or begging for sex attractive, and you have put him in a position where he feels he needs to ask you. To me that would be like a parent child relationship which is not sexy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Aristotle said:


> .... and eventually your husband will pay attention to you once a week. Your body and time is worth no more than his mind and time. Sex is wrong and off limits in elementary school, your body is sacred and special in middle school, and your sex was once a week for that lucky guy you had a crush on in high school. The day you get married sex is no longer naughty. It has now became a part of a healthy marriage because a man doesn't get married to have sex once a week. Men have needs, the same as you have needs. It's unfortunate you got married not understanding exactly what it means to be married. I can't imagine my wife rejecting me and pushing my intimacy away. I'd hate her, if she refused to compromise I'd want to cheat on her, and I definitely wouldn't put her on the pedestal I have put her own. I see her as this special person that can calm me down when mad, relieve me when stressed, and handle all the muscle and pressure I can generate with open arms and kisses. Women are amazing, sex is the ultimate form of approval, to be rejected would slowly kill my soul.
> 
> If you want a happy husband, take care of his needs.


What he said


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> I agree with that girl. This same poster would likely be upset if her husband didn't want her.
> 
> And not having time to have sex is one of the biggest lies out there. You have time for things that are important and things that aren't get dropped. Happens all the time.


There is nothing truer in a sexless marriage. I told my wife this when she first became disintrested a few years ago. We make time for the things that are important to us in life. She is tired, stressed and overworked but will find the time to PVR her favorite tv shows and watch them after I go to bed....

OP. If your libido is gone after 10 months there's going to be some major resentment from your husband. This is supposed to still be the honeymoon phase.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Aristotle said:


> .... and eventually your husband will pay attention to you once a week. Your body and time is worth no more than his mind and time. Sex is wrong and off limits in elementary school, your body is sacred and special in middle school, and your sex was once a week for that lucky guy you had a crush on in high school. The day you get married sex is no longer naughty. It has now became a part of a healthy marriage because a man doesn't get married to have sex once a week. Men have needs, the same as you have needs. It's unfortunate you got married not understanding exactly what it means to be married. I can't imagine my wife rejecting me and pushing my intimacy away. I'd hate her, if she refused to compromise I'd want to cheat on her, and I definitely wouldn't put her on the pedestal I have put her own. I see her as this special person that can calm me down when mad, relieve me when stressed, and handle all the muscle and pressure I can generate with open arms and kisses. Women are amazing, sex is the ultimate form of approval, to be rejected would slowly kill my soul.
> 
> If you want a happy husband, take care of his needs.


**shudder** I think you shouldn't be so hasty to cheat or hate. I think your wife is a rare gem to give you so much relief just for a position on your pedestal, and to avoid your hatred. It may be that many woman would think it a woefully inadequate recompense for entering a LTR.. Do you think there are many woman who would take the position?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

I am not familiar with the term LTR. 

Hate is a strong word, maybe I should have thought a little more beta and said resent. 

However, the feeling of rejection is strong. The idea of ignoring my needs is strong. The feeling of being  pushed away is strong. I must accept this and suppress my attraction to my wife. I must overlook her selfish ways and understand my needs and wants are less important than hers. I must believe the idea that her body and time is more important than my mind and time. I disagree, I think, therefore I am. My mind is everything, I give her my attention because I love her and she needs it. I expect the same selflessness. 

I am a nice guy, but if refusing to be used and accept less makes me the bad guy, then I'm the bad guy. 

A woman who rejects her husbands need for appreciation and intimacy should understand this creates resentment (in some men, who are a bit more vocal, it can create hate whether others like it or not) and can lead to her husband looking for acceptance elsewhere. This rejection kills a man's spirit. 

A man who rejects his wifes need for appreciation and attention should understand this creates resentment and can lead to his wife looking for acceptance elsewhere. This rejection kills a woman's spirit. 

Some women get rejected when they are the ones who need sex or intimacy. There are variables and exceptions. The two most common excuses for cheating speak for themselves. Yes, a lot of people use these excuses to blameshift, but like it or not, sometimes there is validity. Do I disagree with cheating? Yes, it's never okay to cheat. Does that mean that if my wife ignored It wouldn't cross my mind? 

Like it or not, men and women do end up resenting their spouses and cheating. Does that mean it's okay? NO. I was very careful typing the words, "I'd WANT to cheat on her" rather than I would. I've never cheated on anyone and I'd assume I'd divorce my wife first, but being rejected over and over would definitely plant the seed of infidelity.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

He likely wants it all the time cause he didn't get enough before getting married.

You will likely never understand where he is coming from I think few women do and sadly they often are the ones being cheated on with a husband who dosent want sex period which is sad and a major problem.

Communication is key your major lacks that thus you get this problem improve that and you. Shall improve this situation. 

Best of luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> **shudder** I think you shouldn't be so hasty to cheat or hate. I think your wife is a rare gem to give you so much relief just for a position on your pedestal, and to avoid your hatred. It may be that many woman would think it a woefully inadequate recompense for entering a LTR.. Do you think there are many woman who would take the position?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and she should reciprocate by make him feel like a god sitting next to her!

thats how it works or should work in my book.:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> **shudder** I think you shouldn't be so hasty to cheat or hate. I think your wife is a rare gem to give you so much relief just for a position on your pedestal, and to avoid your hatred. It may be that many woman would think it a woefully inadequate recompense for entering a LTR.. *Do you think there are many woman who would take the position?*


Sorry Catherine... I WOULD... I *LOVED* LOVED LOVED Aristotle's post !!! and I so terribly agree with his change of the word "HATE" to "RESENT".


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

cowgirl92 said:


> It started when I was in my spring semester this year and I was staying up all night to do assignments/study and we really didn't have sex because I didn't have time. We would work opposite shifts and when he was home I would be in school so we had sex maybe once a week if that.


Sex is crucial for your marriage.

It's a simple matter of priority...IF your marriage is important, prioritize it. You have too many things being put in front of your marriage.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I don't see the problem. You want it once a week...he wants it 3-4 times a week...so compromise?
> 
> Don't start fighting about sex....omg.
> 
> ...


I like your post that_girl.

As a husband, it does bother me if I inquire about having sex and I get that look that says "again, seriously?" 

I'm sure there are some men out there who really are annoying, asking for it multiple times a day, but (and this is to the OP) once every second day doesn't sound like you're being asked to much in my opinion. I'm unclear why more women don't take this amount of asking as a form of flaterry (unless your husband takes rejection negatively of course). Coming from someone who asks for sex alot more times he gets asked back, I'd rather have to deal with someone asking me for sex a lot then someone who rarely asks at all. You think you feel bad now, try not being asked very often. Instead of thinking "He asks all the time and it gets annoying," you'll instead be asking "Why does he ask any more," "How long has it been since he asked," "Is he seeing someone else" "I'm I being replaced" "Am I not attractive enough," "Am I bad at sex and he's gone looking for it elsewhere" "Would he just rather not have sex than have sex with me"

Trust me, you don't want to be asking yourself those questions. You're self-esteem goes down faster than a turd down a toilet when you do.

Also, just a point which I noted in your post, try not to refer to it as "not having time for sex". You may not want sex, and that's fine to a degree, but the "I/We don't have time" line should rarely if ever be used, not used often as you seem to have implied here. Firstly, a quickie once in a while is fine and can provide that closeness he likely wants and a relationship needs and only takes 5-10 minutes. Not ideal, and not what should be the norm, but sometimes that's fine. And what's 10 minutes? If you can say that in all your studying you don't have 10 minutes, then you must be in the most engrossing course of all time. 

If you're just not in the mood, say your not in the mood. Call it what it is. Be open, honest and truthful to yourself about the issue. Only then can you really analyze it correctly.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

cowgirl92 said:


> My husband and I have been married for about 10 months, and everything is great except for our sex life.... and I didn't realize how much it affects other parts of our relationship. We usually have sex 3-4 times a week but recently I have just had a really low sex drive. It started when I was in my spring semester this year and I was staying up all night to do assignments/study and we really didn't have sex because I didn't have time. We would work opposite shifts and when he was home I would be in school so we had sex maybe once a week if that. Now the summer is here and we're able to spend a lot more time together except I want to have sex about once a week and my sex drive hasn't gone up. My husband wants to have sex a few times a week, and I constantly turn him down because I'm just not in the mood. I've been turning him down a lot lately and when I do he gets frustrated and very insecure. I made a big mess because we have both gained a significant amount of weight since being married so I told him we should loose weight together and take better care of ourselves and maybe my sex drive would go up. Now his insecurities are through the roof, he's constantly pushing to have sex and now the thought of sex is just a big turn off for me.


I always wonder when LD (low drive) spouses post on these forums do they know what they are getting into .
Sex and self-esteem are connected. I know when my wife and I's sex life hits the crapper, so does my self-image. I think that's most relationships. 
I remember early in our marriage, like your husband, I made a big deal out of sex as well, it wasn't a quantity issue as much as a quality issue. Leaving out the details, I made ALOT out of it, and a decade later, when sex comes up, my wife still brings up the stuff I said. So if there's one piece of advice I'd give to your husband is to take it easy - he's probably making it worse. I understand where he's coming from, I have a HD (high drive) myself, but he needs to re-think his strategy, so to speak.
In a way, your both right and both wrong. He's right for wanting more sex, but his approach is all wrong. I understand you not wanting sex after he's made a massive issue about it, that's natural, that pullback. But to refuse it because "I don't feel like it" is crap. Just is. We all do things in a relationship, in life, that we don't feel like doing. But I'm not a child, I'm an adult, which means taking other people's feelings into account. 
I know basically everytime (no exaggeration) my wife and I have sex she doesn't feel like it. If we had sex when she felt like it, we'd do it once a year - maybe. But she understands _enough_ to know a healthy marriage won't sustain like that. And most of the time, the mood will hit her right once we are in the act, and she'll have a good orgasm and enjoy it. 
Point being, your marriage is going to be full of these times when how you approach certain courses of action will affect your relationship - don't let this be a bad step that effects future ones down your path together. You need to learn to compromise and not let this important act of intimacy and love not be affected by "what you feel like", and he needs to learn to back off and not adversely affect a beautiful act of love by acting like an insecure man-child.


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