# Wife left with my best friend



## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I'm Paul 38 years old. I was going through a really rough time recently I had found out my father has cancer and is dying on top of that my brother almost died because of an infection in his leg due to a motorcycle accident and I had a friend who was homeless so i took him in. I haven't spoken to my mom or my sister since they gave custody of my kids to a foster family while I was away in the army. So dealing with all these things I have now had to deal with my wife for the past 9 years being an alcoholic and a pill head, she abused me emotionally mentally and physically she lied and stole from me and my family and cheated on me. I decided I needed to get away so me and my wife and my friend took off to go camping the week of Halloween and on that trip I noticed that she was very distant. So the morning of Halloween we climbed old Baldy Trail at Garner State Park Texas and she decided to tell me when we reached the top that she was leaving. I was crushed and heartbroken I didn't know what to do I had no service to call anyone I was wondering if jumping off that cliff was the easiest way to end all my pain. I finally gathered myself in tears I walked back to camp only to see her holding hands and hugging and kissing my friend. I was devastated I felt like I was having a heart attack. For the next few days I had to watch another man hold my wife and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to die and It almost killed me. I wanted so badly to go over there and cut his throat. But I thought about prison and that's not where I want to go. So the next day I was approached by her and was asked if we could remain friends. I was excited about that because she hadn't spoken to me and now I had a chance to talk to her so I told her yes and she could stay at the house while in my mind I was thinking about how to win her back. But this was short lived as we got home I got Flowers and cards and nothing worked it just made her mad and she wouldn't be around me with this asshole so I told her I was going to bed one night and she came in while I had a gun to my Chin she quickly stopped and naturally I did too. The reason that happened was I found 2 pairs of her panties in his pockets. We talked briefly about the situation and I put the gun away. Then she left. I called a friend and I left the house for a week while I was gone I talked to her on the phone and told her I was going to have papers drawn up if he wasn't gone by the time I got home. So she and him left the night before I came back. What I didn't know was the note she left for me to find later. It said I'm sorry I disappointed you and upset you but if you want me to leave I'll go away. I again am so torn. I have almost killed myself twice already over this and almost lost my life to a broken heart. How do I deal with this. I am shattered inside and I love her but I hate her so much. I don't get to talk to the psychiatrist until the 7th they have pushed me back over and over like I'm not worth talking to I need help dealing with my mind I can't sleep or eat I refuse to take meds I don't like the way they make me feel, and my anxiety is overwhelming so much so that I had to sit on the floor at the store because I couldn't be around people. I feel worthless like I never mattered how could someone walk away like that when I needed her the most in my life how could someone turn there back on there husband after you made vows those words mean something to me I didn't ever give up on her but here I am alone again today. Even after she knew my first wife I caught sleeping with my dad and my fears of her leaving me or cheating. I'm not a drunk or a cheater or a beater I'm a good man. I'm just so lost and confused. I'm jaded about all of this my head is spinning.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

wow a double betrayal... did your friend say anything.? how come you didn’t stop the sh!t out of him. I am truly sorry that you’re going through this. i’m sure you are aware that your wife is a complete pile of Sh!t. and your friend is even a bigger one they both deserve each other. unfortunately these people I are so flawed and broken it is just a matter of time before I there little lovefest I will end just as fast as it started, she’ll be knocking on your door again begging for forgiveness and you know not to take her back right.?


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The Broken Man said:


> I'm Paul 38 years old. I was going through a really rough time recently I had found out my father has cancer and is dying on top of that my brother almost died because of an infection in his leg due to a motorcycle accident and I had a friend who was homeless so i took him in. I haven't spoken to my mom or my sister since they gave custody of my kids to a foster family while I was away in the army. So dealing with all these things I have now had to deal with my wife for the past 9 years being an alcoholic and a pill head, she abused me emotionally mentally and physically she lied and stole from me and my family and cheated on me. I decided I needed to get away so me and my wife and my friend took off to go camping the week of Halloween and on that trip I noticed that she was very distant. So the morning of Halloween we climbed old Baldy Trail at Garner State Park Texas and she decided to tell me when we reached the top that she was leaving. I was crushed and heartbroken I didn't know what to do I had no service to call anyone I was wondering if jumping off that cliff was the easiest way to end all my pain. I finally gathered myself in tears I walked back to camp only to see her holding hands and hugging and kissing my friend. I was devastated I felt like I was having a heart attack. For the next few days I had to watch another man hold my wife and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to die and It almost killed me. I wanted so badly to go over there and cut his throat. But I thought about prison and that's not where I want to go. So the next day I was approached by her and was asked if we could remain friends. I was excited about that because she hadn't spoken to me and now I had a chance to talk to her so I told her yes and she could stay at the house while in my mind I was thinking about how to win her back. But this was short lived as we got home I got Flowers and cards and nothing worked it just made her mad and she wouldn't be around me with this asshole so I told her I was going to bed one night and she came in while I had a gun to my Chin she quickly stopped and naturally I did too. The reason that happened was I found 2 pairs of her panties in his pockets. We talked briefly about the situation and I put the gun away. Then she left. I called a friend and I left the house for a week while I was gone I talked to her on the phone and told her I was going to have papers drawn up if he wasn't gone by the time I got home. So she and him left the night before I came back. What I didn't know was the note she left for me to find later. It said I'm sorry I disappointed you and upset you but if you want me to leave I'll go away. I again am so torn. I have almost killed myself twice already over this and almost lost my life to a broken heart. How do I deal with this. I am shattered inside and I love her but I hate her so much. I don't get to talk to the psychiatrist until the 7th they have pushed me back over and over like I'm not worth talking to I need help dealing with my mind I can't sleep or eat I refuse to take meds I don't like the way they make me feel, and my anxiety is overwhelming so much so that I had to sit on the floor at the store because I couldn't be around people. I feel worthless like I never mattered how could someone walk away like that when I needed her the most in my life how could someone turn there back on there husband after you made vows those words mean something to me I didn't ever give up on her but here I am alone again today. Even after she knew my first wife I caught sleeping with my dad and my fears of her leaving me or cheating. I'm not a drunk or a cheater or a beater I'm a good man. I'm just so lost and confused. I'm jaded about all of this my head is spinning.


I don’t get it why do you want her in your life when she ruined you life?!


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

You should be happy she left and is not your problem anymore, seriously.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I don't want her in my life anymore I'm trying to move on it's been hard because I did love her very much but I lost a part of me when she left that I won't ever get back and it's not her I don't think I can trust anyone with everything I've been put through


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

It sounds like she treated you very badly in a number of ways. You may not want to hear this, but she's doing you a favor in the long run by Leaving. A few months of pain and loss is better than a lifetime of it.

And by the way; if it is any consolation, many of us members have been through what you are going through.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The Broken Man said:


> I feel worthless like I never mattered


I understand, and can empathize, this is how I felt when I caught my WW and her AP together.

She thought of me as "doesn't matter"..... as long as paycheck and built-in-babysitter are accomplished. I came to fully understand that's all she wanted from me, from day one.
I know I was "worthless" in her perspective, and I tried hard to "reconcile", but honestly, my heart wasn't in it. One day, I recognized, that I was in a race to the bottom......

and, that I was not going to waste my attention, my love, my devotion, all those vows which meant everything to me, and nothing to her....
From that day forward, I considered ONLY my boys and myself in every action, decision, move I made. Her opinion was not asked for, nor would I have considered it, as I knew she didn't have my best interests at heart.



The Broken Man said:


> I don't think I can trust anyone


Certainly, not your wife.



The Broken Man said:


> I'm trying to move on it's been hard because I did love her very much



I understand. BTDT, and it is indeed hard to suffer the loss. However, you will come to understand that being rid of her is God doing you a favor.


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

Unfortunately in time of duress, people tend to show their true colors but losing her isn't worth the grief you're putting yourself through. I GET that pain but man, you shouldn't have anything further to do with her. Call your friends/family. Get any support you can, but just look after yourself.


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## AmbitiousOvercomer (Jul 4, 2019)

I am sorry you have to go through this. There is so much pain in the world caused by people that think more of their instant gratification and less of others. Please try to take in that her leaving is for the best, as others have already pointed out on this post. You cannot start to heal a broken heart with her in the picture flaunting her affair right in front of you. You may haven a hard time believing this but you are worth being on this planet and you ARE enough. You are a valuable human being with a purpose. If you do not have children and custody to arrange, limit, if not avoid, all communication with her. Any communication thus far has clearly not been beneficial to your psyche. Stand up, dust yourself off, and move on. I know that is easier said than done but you are worth so much more than how she has treated you. I'll be praying for you and your situation. God bless you!


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

The IT Guy said:


> Unfortunately in time of duress, people tend to show their true colors but losing her isn't worth the grief you're putting yourself through. I GET that pain but man, you shouldn't have anything further to do with her. Call your friends/family. Get any support you can, but just look after yourself.


I truly am trying but I can't be around my own family. I really have nobody. It's a long complicated story but I don't talk to anyone. And I don't have friends.


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

The Broken Man said:


> I truly am trying but I can't be around my own family. I really have nobody. It's a long complicated story but I don't talk to anyone. And I don't have friends.


We're all here to listen but why can't you be around your family?


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

The IT Guy said:


> We're all here to listen but why can't you be around your family?


Mom and sister I can't forgive for giving custody of my kids to a foster family while I was away in the army and they told me I'd have to file for custody and took me quite awhile to get the money to fight the foster family but as I got finally got custody 10 years later the judge asked me why I didn't just get custody from my mother considering she still had the custody but it was her and my sister that conspired against me while I was in the military to give custody to another family because I was gone. And to find out that my mom and my sister could have given me custody of my children the entire time I don't understand I can forgive them but I will never forget I don't trust them around my kids so I don't talk to them I have cut them out of my lives and it's been eight years now almost 9 my father I don't speak to him I know he's dying of cancer but I also caught him with my first wife he was a mean man growing up he beat us picked me up by my neck held me against the wall punch me if our rooms weren't clean he would kick us from wall to wall he would throw things at us I just can't deal with him so I don't talk to him or see him and I have it in many years.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Stay close to us here. We are not a real substitute for friends/family with "skin on".... but we care, and we'll give you the benefit of our experiences.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The Broken Man said:


> Mom and sister I can't forgive for giving custody of my kids to a foster family while I was away in the army and they told me I'd have to file for custody and took me quite awhile to get the money to fight the foster family but as I got finally got custody 10 years later the judge asked me why I didn't just get custody from my mother considering she still had the custody but it was her and my sister that conspired against me while I was in the military to give custody to another family because I was gone. And to find out that my mom and my sister could have given me custody of my children the entire time I don't understand I can forgive them but I will never forget I don't trust them around my kids so I don't talk to them I have cut them out of my lives and it's been eight years now almost 9 my father I don't speak to him I know he's dying of cancer but I also caught him with my first wife he was a mean man growing up he beat us picked me up by my neck held me against the wall punch me if our rooms weren't clean he would kick us from wall to wall he would throw things at us I just can't deal with him so I don't talk to him or see him and I have it in many years.


Where was you wife? Why weren’t the kids with her?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> I truly am trying but I can't be around my own family. I really have nobody. It's a long complicated story but I don't talk to anyone. And I don't have friends.


It's always darkest before the dawn. Find some hobbies to keep you busy, exercise, focus on your physical and mental health. There are a lot of fun hobbies you can pick up that will also provide social opportunities. 

Mainly I would suggest counseling without delay explain to the psychiatrists office that your situation is more of an emergency and If they can't fit you in you need a good referral. Right now it sounds like you are in a state of shock which is causing you to be stuck. Remove any source of negativity from your life today and start developing a plan to build a positive mindset. Things will get better.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

marcy* said:


> Where was you wife? Why weren’t the kids with her?


my first wife got into drugs and I lost her when I was in the military along with my wife and kids our house I lost everything because of her and when I came back she was gone so I filed for divorce and while I was doing so I was living with my father going to college and my father agreed to allow her to stay at the house I wasn't very happy about the situation but she was apparently homeless and I didn't care whether she was or not at that point just like she had left me homeless with nothing but my children replaced in a foster family little did I know my mother had custody and could have given me at any time but didn't say anything and watched me for years cry and beat my head against a brick wall and even then she kept a straight face and lied to me and my sister was in on it the whole time. She lost the kids because she couldn't stop doing drugs and alcohol at partying and not taking care of the kids while I was away she had men coming in and out of the house and my mother had called child protective services on her but when you are away it's not like you can just drop everything you are doing when you're in the military it doesn't work like that. I was never evaluated for PTSD I was sent back home with an injury and discharge with honorable discharge but still to this day I'm just now getting into the VA to get help it is taking them 12 years.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The Broken Man said:


> I don't want her in my life anymore I'm trying to move on it's been hard because I did love her very much but I lost a part of me when she left that I won't ever get back and it's not her I don't think I can trust anyone with everything I've been put through


How did you love her when she abused you and made your life miserable?! 
If my hubby leaves me today, I will celebrate.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

marcy* said:


> How did you love her when she abused you and made your life miserable?!
> If my hubby leaves me today, I will celebrate.


When me and her first got together she didn't show her true colors to me not at first until after we were married and I believe strongly in my vows and when I said I do I meant every word for the rest of my life apparently she had other plans I loved her very much even through all the hell she put me through that's why. When I am with someone I am with them wholeheartedly I am all in every part of me.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The Broken Man said:


> When me and her first got together she didn't show her true colors to me not at first until after we were married and I believe strongly in my vows and when I said I do I meant every word for the rest of my life apparently she had other plans I loved her very much even through all the hell she put me through that's why. When I am with someone I am with them wholeheartedly I am all in every part of me.


I am sorry that you loved her that much. But from what I read it feels like she doesn’t love anyone, other than herself, not even her own kids. She left with you friend but I doubt she will last that long with him, unless they are the same, perfect for one-another.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I have had a rough life. But I know I'm a good man. I still feel so I know I can love again but how. How do I get past this pain how can I learn to trust when everyone I have ever known has betrayed me beyond what I feel is too much for one to bear.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

You act like I knew they were addicts and obviously didn't read everything and you are being very rude about your choice of words there buddy MJJEAN. Just keep to yourself I don't need your kind of Negativity.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I am just sorry I didn't wake up sooner. I haven't seen or heard from her in 2 months now and I felt like I was doing better but she left that note and I found it the other night it just tore me up Inside she acted like it was me who wanted her to leave. I'm just torn apart inside


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The Broken Man said:


> I have had a rough life. But I know I'm a good man.


Don't worry about "trust". Trust is desirable in relationships, but it is not necessary. Find people who, through their actions, over time, prove they are a good person. Do not consider what they say, rather, what they DO.

"Trust" only when the person has PROVEN to be trustworthy.

Try a good local church. Attend the services a few times. Talk to the minister, pastor, rector of the church. Do not assume any of these people are trustworthy, rather observe them, interact with them, get to know them. Look at how their life is. Do they have a good life, stable marriage, good job, participating family ?

You know that you are a good man. Work with THAT. Your past is irrelevant. Put your past there, in the past, and keep it there. Live TODAY.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

The Broken Man said:


> So the next day I was approached by her and was asked if we could remain friends. I was excited about that because she hadn't spoken to me and now I had a chance to talk to her so I told her yes and she could stay at the house while in my mind I was thinking about how to win her back.


Damn my man. You remind me of a guy with a winning lotto ticket who goes back to the store to return his ticket for a refund. I've seen a lot of schmucks like you in my lifetime. Some are members of my own family. I guess I may feel the same as you if I was married to the only chick in the world with a poon tang. It must great and I hope one day you can tell us what its like. It'd be nice if all the chicks had one some the rest of us guys enjoy sex with them. To bad she ran off with your friend and you'll never be able to replace such a rare, wonderful creature. You need a psychiatrist Dawg.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

marcy* said:


> they are the same, perfect for one-another.


Yep. And, they so richly deserve one another.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

This was the last text message I sent to her.
So you wanted to know what I thought about it well here you go considering you talked to Matthew and Julie about you being with Micah you just didn't know how to tell me well I appreciate you telling me in around about f**** up ass way. You couldn't even be a f***** woman and just be f**** honest upfront straightforward as far as I'm concerned don't ever call me again don't ever talk to me again I have nothing left to say to you. I will file for divorce you are now dead to me you're just like all the rest. every f**** one of you have walked away from me every f**** one for better or worse huh. well to death do us part the feelings that I did have for you died on that mountain and the hell you drug me through these last couple of weeks I will never forgive you for what you've done to me and these kids, you have made me mean and cruel and cold-hearted just stay away. if you were so worried about me and the kids then you wouldn't have done what you did to us. this was your decision to leave us not the other way around and don't you ever f**** forget it.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> such a rare, wonderful creature


Exactly. Pond scum. Stay away in person, stay away in your mind.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I will do that and Thank you for the advice it does help More than you know.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

The Broken Man said:


> This was the last text message I sent to her.
> So you wanted to know what I thought about it well here you go considering you talked to Matthew and Julie about you being with Micah you just didn't know how to tell me well I appreciate you telling me in around about f**** up ass way. You couldn't even be a f***_ woman and just be f honest upfront straightforward as far as I'm concerned don't ever call me again don't ever talk to me again I have nothing left to say to you. I will file for divorce you are now dead to me you're just like all the rest. every f one of you have walked away from me every f one for better or worse huh. well to death do us part the feelings that I did have for you died on that mountain and the hell you drug me through these last couple of weeks I will never forgive you for what you've done to me and these kids, you have made me mean and cruel and cold-hearted just stay away. if you were so worried about me and the kids then you wouldn't have done what you did to us. this was your decision to leave us not the other way around and don't you ever f_ forget it.


She ran away from you because she knows she is not good to you and kids. You all remind her how she failed being a good wife and mother. That’s all she knows, how to run away from her responsiblilities. Youfeel anger now, because you are hurt, but you are free and you will be better without her in your life. I feel bad for the kids who didn’t have a mother they deserved.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

It's hard on them because they saw what it was doing to me and they became depressed and I have to do something with them daily even if it's just going to the park or going to the dock to feed the turtles we have to get out of the house it doesn't seem like home anymore and I don't know how to change that for them my son told me that I was a good mom lol I didn't know how to take that.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I have since deleted every photo burned every card and gave away all of her clothes. She literally left everything behind. She said she took everything she wanted and has since completely disappeared from our lives. Her biological son lives with me still but me and him have a better relationship than him and his mom ever could. I wanted him at first to go but he isn't talking to her he is very mad at what she did to us and he talks to her but not very much and he doesn't tell her about me or the kids and I also told him that if he allowed her back in this house while I was gone that he would jeopardize his place to live so me and him have an understanding and respect for one another but we do not discuss his mom.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The Broken Man said:


> y son told me that I was a good mom lol I didn't know how to take that.


All comedy must be based upon truth to be funny..... he is giving you a compliment.... keep your rapport with him and continue to protect and nurture him in the absence of his mom. I feel bad that he now has no mom, but I know he is far better off without her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I can see where you do not want to hear any tough-love advice.
This is understandable.

In a short period, you lost your father, almost your brother, your wife has a lover and now your kids are in a foster home.
And you lost a good friend to your wife's cheating.
And, now you are estranged to your family who called in Child Support Services.

You have come close, more than once, to killing yourself.

My only advice is to keep a low profile, and to keep your head down.

Malignant and powerful forces are surrounding you.
They have repeatedly struck at those people you have valued.
They have killed some.

They have tried to kill you by making you be your 'own' trigger man'.

If you are still in the military, keep away from war zones.
Ya' think?

*Wait out this hell-storm, it will eventually pass.*

Stay away from everyone, especially your wife and friend.

Proximity to malignant forces taunt them and increase their power.



_King Brian-_


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

As tough as it's going to be, you've got to see yourself through this. Believe me, I get feeling stuck and holding onto the hope that you can maybe fix things, but at this point, there really isn't anything to be fixed. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Take one step forward, not backwards. Swim, don't sink. You can do this because I'm rooting for ya.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

The Broken Man said:


> I have now had to deal with my wife for the past 9 years being an alcoholic and a pill head, she abused me emotionally mentally and physically she lied and stole from me and my family and cheated on me.


Do you want her back? Ask yourself honestly. Do you want that alcoholic pill head abusive person back? Think of it this way. She is now your friends problem, not yours.



> For the next few days I had to watch another man hold my wife and there was nothing I could do.


You could have kicked his ass at least. You still can, if he ever comes back around.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@The Broken Man

What are you doing to take care of yourself? You really need to turn your focus to yourself now that she is out of your life. What is it that you need right now? What can you do to start healing?

One of the most healing things a person can do at a time like this is to start some kind of exercise routine. Are there any gyms open where you live? Or could you at least go for long walks daily? Would you be open to getting a dog if you don't already have one? Sometimes taking care of a pet, walking them, etc can be very healing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You and the kids definitely need counseling and therapy to deal with this. Do you have insurance coverage to cover such services?

Right now you need to take a step back and take care of yourself. You cannot take care of your kids unless you are taking care of yourself first. Eat healthy. Drink lots of water and do what you can to get a decent night's sleep every night. If you need to, go see your doctor and get a prescription for sleeping meds. Dole the housework out equally to the kids and hold them to it. Teach them how to cook and wash their own clothes, etc. Get them on a strict schedule and stick to it. Routine will be your greatest ally. Go see a lawyer as soon as possible and get the ball rolling on divorce. Make sure you file first and get full temporary custody of the kids.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Sparta said:


> wow a double betrayal... did your friend say anything.? how come you didn’t stop the sh!t out of him. I am truly sorry that you’re going through this. i’m sure you are aware that your wife is a complete pile of Sh!t. and your friend is even a bigger one they both deserve each other. unfortunately these people I are so flawed and broken it is just a matter of time before I there little lovefest I will end just as fast as it started, she’ll be knocking on your door again begging for forgiveness and you know not to take her back right.?


It's fitting that you replied with your Sparta name I thought about kicking his ass off that mountain top like in the movie 300 but prison is not where I want to be. I am an ARMY Veteran and if I kill him it wouldn't be good for where my kids would end up and I have told him and her to never come back to this house or I would shoot them both. I haven't filed yet as I don't have the $3500 retainer fee that the lawyer wanted but it's pretty simple not property to devide and no bank account so I'm good there but my my is my worst enemy right now.


EleGirl said:


> @The Broken Man
> 
> What are you doing to take care of yourself? You really need to turn your focus to yourself now that she is out of your life. What is it that you need right now? What can you do to start healing?
> 
> One of the most healing things a person can do at a time like this is to start some kind of exercise routine. Are there any gyms open where you live? Or could you at least go for long walks daily? Would you be open to getting a dog if you don't already have one? Sometimes taking care of a pet, walking them, etc can be very healing.


I have joined up on Strava and started running again got my 1 mile back down under 5 minutes and I walk my dog daily but I'm just trying to find peace within myself to allow me to focus my sleep is maybe 2-3 hrs daily and I'm forcing myself to eat. I have tried to get on a dating site zoosk btw and met a few people to try coffee dates but I couldn't bring myself to go inside so I drove back home. I stay home 90% of the time. I just wanted to make friends but it's hard when I don't have the drive to do anything. I'm trying but I feel like I'm not worth the effort and when I tell a woman my story they will just run away. I'm shy and too scared too talk in person and I feel like I'm not going to be able to change that anytime soon.


bandit.45 said:


> You and the kids definitely need counseling and therapy to deal with this. Do you have insurance coverage to cover such services?
> 
> Right now you need to take a step back and take care of yourself. You cannot take care of your kids unless you are taking care of yourself first. Eat healthy. Drink lots of water and do what you can to get a decent night's sleep every night. If you need to, go see your doctor and get a prescription for sleeping meds. Dole the housework out equally to the kids and hold them to it. Teach them how to cook and wash their own clothes, etc. Get them on a strict schedule and stick to it. Routine will be your greatest ally. Go see a lawyer as soon as possible and get the ball rolling on divorce. Make sure you file first and get full temporary custody of the kids.


I have full custody there not here kids and she never adopted them in our marriage so she has no rights to our children and as far as insurance goes I don't have insurance I can't afford it but my kids do have chip and I have the VA I am starting counseling but that doesn't take place until the 7th of this next month. Right now I just do not have the funds because of this covid deal has wrecked my business I'm self-employed I'm a contractor and nobody wants us in their house remodeling right now. Not to mention house payments and taxes are due it's a lot to take on right now so the funds are just not there it's depressing to say the least I just want this to be done and over so I can move on


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

The Broken Man said:


> You act like I knew they were addicts and obviously didn't read everything and you are being very rude about your choice of words there buddy MJJEAN. Just keep to yourself I don't need your kind of Negativity.


Yes, yes, you do need to hear that because it's true. You were married to an addict adultress who cost you everything and then you married another one just like her. Your woman picker is in desperately in need of calibration. The common denominator _is_ you. _You_ got yourself into those marriages and _you_ chose to stay as long as you did. You need to address the reasons for that or you will very likely make the same mistake again.



The Broken Man said:


> Right now I just do not have the funds because of this covid deal has wrecked my business I'm self-employed I'm a contractor and nobody wants us in their house remodeling right now. Not to mention house payments and taxes are due it's a lot to take on right now so the funds are just not there


The world is a dumpster fire and we have no idea when or even if certain industries will recover. If you aren't getting kickass unemployment benefits then it really may be time to see if your skills can translate into work in another industry.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Today has been the best for me by far I worked on my house and did alot of necessary repairs and actually had the motivation to do it thank you guy's for encouraging me and talking with me I haven't been able to talk to anyone face to face so this helped tremendously. And as for divorce I have taken the liberty of going online and found the documents I need to file at the court house yeah it's going to cost me a little bit but there is also the inability to pay documents that I found as well so this might not be as expensive as I thought 😀


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Look at it like this.
What did you lose?
Not much.....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Broken Man said:


> I have joined up on Strava and started running again got my 1 mile back down under 5 minutes and I walk my dog daily but I'm just trying to find peace within myself to allow me to focus my sleep is maybe 2-3 hrs daily and I'm forcing myself to eat.


Looks like you are doing a lot of good things for yourself. But, it also looks like you are having some very typical problems that people in your type of situation go through: insomnia, lack of apatite, etc. Basically you sound very depressed. It's a normal reaction to this type of life event. One thing that might help is for you to see a doctor and get on anti-depressants short-term. They don't really dope you up, instead they help to clear away the crazy so you can focus on getting your life back together.

If you don't, or can't go the doctor/prescription route there are some over the counter supplements that are said to be as effective as the prescription drugs. 

Melatonin is a supplement that can help you get some sleep. It's the hormone that makes you sleepy.
Melatonin Sleep Aid Supplement: Effectiveness, Dosage, & Side Effects (webmd.com)

Here's some info on supplements that are said to have antidepressant effects.

ST. John's Wort
SAMe (used a lot in Europe in place of prescription antidepressants)

Over-the-Counter Antidepressants (verywellmind.com) 



The Broken Man said:


> I have tried to get on a dating site zoosk btw and met a few people to try coffee dates but I couldn't bring myself to go inside so I drove back home. I stay home 90% of the time. I just wanted to make friends but it's hard when I don't have the drive to do anything. I'm trying but I feel like I'm not worth the effort and when I tell a woman my story they will just run away. I'm shy and too scared too talk in person and I feel like I'm not going to be able to change that anytime soon.


It's also very normal to be adverse to dating after a serious breakup. It takes time to heal emotionally from something as bad as you have been through.

One thing that might help you get the social interaction with out the pressure of dating is to work on just building a group of friends instead of dating. A good way to do that is to use sites like *Meetup.com* Basically the site is a place where people create events/meetups and others sign up and go. There are meetups for just about everything.. sports (walking, running, hiking, white water rafting), for book clubs, gardening... and a gazillion other things. I did a quick searn on the site for divorce support groups. There are a lot of them... if you search in your area, I'm sure you will find one. *Meetup - Divorce Recovery Groups* 

The reason I suggest meetup.com groups instead of dating sties at this point is that there can be a lot of pressure with dating. But with a meetup you just show up alone, or with your friends, or with your kids. You meet people.. both men and women. There is no pressure.

Another thing that might help you out socially is another organization, *Parents Without Partners**. *They do social events with parents & children (like bar-b-ques) and then social events with just the adults. Again, it's not a dating organization though many romances do grow out of it. my ex (son's father) joined this years ago. He met his new wife there as she was a member with her daughter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Broken Man said:


> Today has been the best for me by far I worked on my house and did alot of necessary repairs and actually had the motivation to do it thank you guy's for encouraging me and talking with me I haven't been able to talk to anyone face to face so this helped tremendously. And as for divorce I have taken the liberty of going online and found the documents I need to file at the court house yeah it's going to cost me a little bit but there is also the inability to pay documents that I found as well so this might not be as expensive as I thought 😀


Did you find the docs on your state's court website, or did you get them from a site like legal zoom?


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

You have an abundance of information and I'm very grateful for all your advice and help I will look into all of these options and I found my documents under the county court house where I reside just have to go to the court house tomorrow and see which ones I need for sure as I will be talking to the district attorneys office as well. I'm filing an emergency temporary orders for a protective order I'm pretty sure I qualify as she has been arrested for drinking and abuse I had her arrested a few years back and with the new threat of her stating she would kill me if I kept the kids from her that would constitute as a terroristic threat so I think she might be in jail for awhile and he will be again out on his behind without her that makes me Smile 😂.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Broken Man said:


> It's fitting that you replied with your Sparta name I thought about kicking his ass off that mountain top like in the movie 300 but prison is not where I want to be. I am an ARMY Veteran and if I kill him it wouldn't be good for where my kids would end up and I have told him and her to never come back to this house or I would shoot them both.


Be careful of threats of violence because they can file a complaint with the police. If your state has red flag laws that could come up. Instead, if they bug you or come by just call the police and file a restraining order against them. It will cause g




The Broken Man said:


> I haven't filed yet as I don't have the $3500 retainer fee that the lawyer wanted but it's pretty simple not property to devide and no bank account so I'm good there but my my is my worst enemy right now.


Sounds like a perfect do-it-yourself divorce. I did this for my self when I divorced my 2nd husband. Got the forms off the state self-help site. It cost me $138 filing costs. That was it. When there are no assets to split and no kids it's simple.



The Broken Man said:


> I have full custody there not here kids and she never adopted them in our marriage so she has no rights to our children and as far as insurance goes I don't have insurance I can't afford it but my kids do have chip and I have the VA I am starting counseling but that doesn't take place until the 7th of this next month. Right now I just do not have the funds because of this covid deal has wrecked my business I'm self-employed I'm a contractor and nobody wants us in their house remodeling right now. Not to mention house payments and taxes are due it's a lot to take on right now so the funds are just not there it's depressing to say the least I just want this to be done and over so I can move on


Since COVID19 has wrecked your business, did you apply for unemployment and/or the loans there have available?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Broken Man said:


> You have an abundance of information and I'm very grateful for all your advice and help I will look into all of these options and I found my documents under the county court house where I reside just have to go to the court house tomorrow and see which ones I need for sure as I will be talking to the district attorneys office as well. I'm filing an emergency temporary orders for a protective order I'm pretty sure I qualify as she has been arrested for drinking and abuse I had her arrested a few years back and with the new threat of her stating she would kill me if I kept the kids from her that would constitute as a terroristic threat so I think she might be in jail for awhile and he will be again out on his behind without her that makes me Smile 😂.


Good! Sounds like you are on the right tack.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I am a writer of songs and I haven't been able to in a long time but I managed to do a little today I thought this was good enough to share.
Tidal Wave
When the darkness falls and I can't sleep my whole life beats down on me I feel so used and torn apart why did I stay when I should depart so many things going through my head my heart is in a million pieces it feels like I'm dead I feel like a fool being tossed like a Stone bouncing across the water's edge once again I'm alone little ripples like tidal waves of my life turning like a hurricane and stab me like a knife I'm so uneasy and tossed by the storm a tidal wave of emptiness hallowed and alone overwhelming thoughts of what's to come blur my vision and I'm just numb can you take me back to the start back to when I had a heart unbroken and unchanged once again I'm lost in the tidal wave when darkness falls and I can't sleep my whole life beats down on me I feel so used and torn apart why did I stay when you broke my heart.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I have applied for unemployment but the benefits are 207 a week that's not much to spread around so I have to keep looking for work and take anything that I can as it comes but I'm hopeful that 2021 will be a better year and a fresh start to my life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Broken Man said:


> I have applied for unemployment but the benefits are 207 a week that's not much to spread around so I have to keep looking for work and take anything that I can as it comes but I'm hopeful that 2021 will be a better year and a fresh start to my life.


Isn't there extra money from the COVID relief?


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Not for me unfortunately


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Broken Man said:


> Not for me unfortunately


Take a look at the discussion starting with this linked post. This guy claims that people can get the unemployment even if they were not working but claim that they are no job hunting. I realize that this might be state specific.








Talk About Marriage







www.talkaboutmarriage.com





I know two people here where I live who were getting work via craigslist. No one would hire them once the lock down started. Both of them just filled out some statement claiming what they were making... with no verification. They both have been drawing unemployment for months based on COVID19


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Take a look at the discussion starting with this linked post. This guy claims that people can get the unemployment even if they were not working but claim that they are no job hunting. I realize that this might be state specific.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm not going to cheat. I believe in working hard for what I have. I don't take handouts. Call me old fashioned but I like the satisfaction of knowing I have done a hard days work.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)




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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh no, I'm not suggesting that you cheat. My point is only that the rules are different from what I originally thought. 

I also get that you want to work and support yourself. However, this pandemic situation has done a lot of harm to people for no fault of their own. It's our own tax money being used to help. 

Tutorial How to Calculate and Report Earnings (texas.gov) 

You will of course do what you feel is right for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nice remodeling work. I hope your business can rev up again very soon.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I do as well and thank you. I have been praying very hard and out of nowhere I have met someone. I'm not sure how to take this but I'm leaving this in God's hands. I'm a very strong person and I have always tried to do what's right and Good. I believe sometimes in life your are helping a woman to become better even if it's for another Man. It hurts but I believe I can love again and be loved again so I have hope and faith. Thank you all so much for your kind words of advice and I will continue to pray and talk on here to keep close so I can heal in a healthy way.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Whats going on along the bottom grout line in that shower?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> I had a friend who was homeless so i took him in.


Big mistake. Never let another man or woman into your home around your partner.



The Broken Man said:


> So the next day I was approached by her and was asked if we could remain friends.


You are doing the pick me dance. This doesn't work and why would you want to keep someone who disrespected you so as a friend.



Marc878 said:


> Look at it like this.
> What did you lose?
> Not much.....


He lost the person he thought she was.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I have moved on and I have found someone who is a god fearing woman that is after my own heart. I have never been happier today I have a friend who is more understanding than I ever could have imagined God is truly amazing and he does answer prayers. I needed this today I have something to look forward to Every day now and I don't ever want to go back to her she made me feel like I was never Worthy of her and all the problems she caused in my life. Everything has stopped I have no more thoughts of her and I don't see her face everytime I close my eyes I am healing faster and stronger everyday and lesson learned no one will ever be allowed to live with me again ever. I will keep a close and watchful eye on my friends if I obtain any in the future.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> I have moved on and I have found someone who is a god fearing woman that is after my own heart. I have never been happier today I have a friend who is more understanding than I ever could have imagined God is truly amazing and he does answer prayers. I needed this today I have something to look forward to Every day now and I don't ever want to go back to her she made me feel like I was never Worthy of her and all the problems she caused in my life. Everything has stopped I have no more thoughts of her and I don't see her face everytime I close my eyes I am healing faster and stronger everyday and lesson learned no one will ever be allowed to live with me again ever. I will keep a close and watchful eye on my friends if I obtain any in the future.


I'm happy for you but it kind of feels like you are moving too quickly with this. But if all ends well then who am I to object.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

No your right it's one of those things that if it sounds to good to be true it probably is. And it was just another flake. So back to the same but at least I got some really good sleep by getting it off my chest with her lol poor soul when I dumped it all on her she just switched from being nice to I'm an asshole so maybe I am now. I don't really care anymore. But hey at least I have me, myself and I. I will say that when she asked if I even cared I told her to gaze upon my fields of ****s and see that it is barren. I think I went from mourning to angry now.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Field of fu cks and see that it is barren


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Trident said:


> Whats going on along the bottom grout line in that shower?


That was the original that was torn out.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> it was just another flake. So back to the same but at least I got some really good sleep by getting it off my chest with her lol poor soul when I dumped it all on her she just switched from being nice to I'm an asshole


From what you wrote she wasn't a flake at all. You dumped all your crap on her and expected her to be receptive and responsive to it, whereas she hardly knows you and isn't your therapist and doesn't have much time and emotion invested. You probably came across as a guy with unresolved anger issues who probably isn't over his ex and she understandably bolted.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)




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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

This


Trident said:


> From what you wrote she wasn't a flake at all. You dumped all your crap on her and expected her to be receptive and responsive to it, whereas she hardly knows you and isn't your therapist and doesn't have much time and emotion invested. You probably came across as a guy with unresolved anger issues who probably isn't over his ex and she understandably bolted.


This was after she showed me she was a flake


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Big improvement.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> This was after she showed me she was a flake


You said she was nice before you dumped it on her and then in her mind you became the a-hole.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I don't talk about my problems to a woman I just met she showed her true colors and then I unloaded on her that is what happened. But lesson learned I'm going to be single and I'm not talking to anyone else. But my therapist from here on. I need to learn how to deal with people and build better relationships obviously I keep choosing the wrong ones.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I wish I could have saved the text you would understand better about what was said and then what I said. But nonetheless I am going to get outta this house tonight and get some air maybe go play pool or something I just don't want to end up where I was again.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

She was nice god fearing woman after your own heart and you have never been happier- then she showed her true colors then you dumped on her then she called you an A-Hole and this was all via text?!

Wow that's a lot of texting.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Yep


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

If you continue to date you oughta seriously consider increasing your monthly data limit.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Haha real funny. Except I'm not laughing. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to pick on crazy ppl. I'm not in the mood tonight buddy you don't know me or the hell I have been through so don't judge me before you even know my back story. Have some respect.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I may not be perfect but I deserve that and I don't just go off on people unless they truly deserve it. I respect everyone until respect is broken I am a good man but when pushed beyond my breaking point and everyone has one I will go off and that takes alot but I seriously hate women right now and I have every right to and I was raised to treat women with the utmost respect.


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## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> I may not be perfect but I deserve that and I don't just go off on people unless they truly deserve it. I respect everyone until respect is broken I am a good man but when pushed beyond my breaking point and everyone has one I will go off and that takes alot but I seriously hate women right now and I have every right to and I was raised to treat women with the utmost respect.


You’re not a good man. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Ms. Hawaii said:


> You’re not a good man.


I honestly don't care about your opinion keep it to yourself you don't know me. Obviously you are one of these women who voice there opinion but truly don't care. Have you ever lost and then lost and then lost have you seen war have you seen your mom sleep with your husband have you been beaten and abused and thrown away like you never even mattered have you been shot and blown up ran over i didn't think so. Did your best friend betray you did your man leave you for your best friend no ok then don't come at me crossways unless you have been through hell and back again you don't know me. So don't say anything about me if you haven't already been through it. I bet you were sheltered your whole life I have been homeless and poor begging for food sleeping on a park bench and I have had love but don't you dare judge me I am a good man but it's people like you that bring out the worst in me. I served and was left in my own mind I have ptsd and do you know what they did suck it up and deal with it like a man I have tried to commit suicide at least 5 times in my life and I'm still here struggling with losing my wife to my best friend I was always there for her I never gave up and for you to say that is very hurtful I'm not perfect but I was there for her I always wanted the best for her and her kids and I have a better relationship with her kids than she ever will one of them don't even talk to her so back off. I'm not the man to play games I am deep and very emotional have respect and know what your getting into before you speak.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

The Broken Man said:


> I honestly don't care about your opinion keep it to yourself you don't know me. Obviously you are one of these women who voice there opinion but truly don't care. Have you ever lost and then lost and then lost have you seen war have you seen your mom sleep with your husband have you been beaten and abused and thrown away like you never even mattered have you been shot and blown up ran over i didn't think so. Did your best friend betray you did your man leave you for your best friend no ok then don't come at me crossways unless you have been through hell and back again you don't know me. So don't say anything about me if you haven't already been through it. I bet you were sheltered your whole life I have been homeless and poor begging for food sleeping on a park bench and I have had love but don't you dare judge me I am a good man but it's people like you that bring out the worst in me. I served and was left in my own mind I have ptsd and do you know what they did suck it up and deal with it like a man I have tried to commit suicide at least 5 times in my life and I'm still here struggling with losing my wife to my best friend I was always there for her I never gave up and for you to say that is very hurtful I'm not perfect but I was there for her I always wanted the best for her and her kids and I have a better relationship with her kids than she ever will one of them don't even talk to her so back off. I'm not the man to play games I am deep and very emotional have respect and know what your getting into before you speak.


I mean no disrespect but I just don't care anymore I have been through hell and back and left everything and it wasn't anything I did I was a good man a loving caring man but I have been through too much so I apologise if I come off strong but I have had enough being pushed around and talked down too. I won't put up with this anymore and I don't care at this point if I hurt anybody's feelings it's not like I'm married to you or any other woman so why should I even care anymore why try to be the good guy when we always finish last.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

So I'm a lot stronger than you ever could hope to be and I hope and pray nobody ever has to go through what I have been through. But know this you should never talk down to a man like me I'm thankful I am a very, very strong willed man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Remember that this is a public forum. So you will get some replies that you find helpful and some that are not so helpful. Just ignore the posts that you find unhelpful. If you find a post extremely offensive report it and the moderators will take care of it. To report a post click on the three little dots at the top right of each post. It opens a pop-up menu.. click on report.

Also keep in mind that just like people here don't know you, you also don't know the others who post here. A lot of the members have been through very hard times. It's largely why they are here. Sometimes a thread will trigger someone because of their bad experiences that they have been through in their lives. They are posting through the filter of their own life experiences.


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## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> So I'm a lot stronger than you ever could hope to be and I hope and pray nobody ever has to go through what I have been through. But know this you should never talk down to a man like me I'm thankful I am a very, very strong willed man.


Uh do you _know_ me? You are NOT a good man and that is based on YOUR posts. I didn’t talk down to you. You need help. 

You blame others for YOUR actions/behaviors. 

Btw you didn’t hurt my feelings since ya know... you’re a _stranger_ online. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

So I have been better just an update I have been going out with my son and went to visit my mom and sister after 8 years of not speaking to them it has helped but at the same time not without old feelings and anxiety. I have started writing more and playing the guitar to help pass the time and even got lost in my Bible for about 6 hours one night. I am being more active and eating better sleep pattern is still outta whack but it will get better I hope. Taking time for myself going on walks and feeding the ducks when my dog doesn't try to jump in the water after them. I found out she has a cancerous tumor that has rapidly grown and may not be around for much longer I've had her 12 years it kills me to know she is not going to be here soon but right now I'm enjoying my time with her and trying to make her as comfortable as possible 😢. I'm staying active on here some of you can see me here and there. I'm trying to remain positive and keep my thoughts clear of what has happened even found an old friend from 20 years ago on facebook today so I'm not as alone as I was it's getting better. I haven't been able to do my running in a few weeks due to rolling my ankle in a pothole and could barely walk so I go to the Dr Monday and if everything is good and I'm cleared I'll have that to look forward to I have alot of Goals in running including going for the world record this year if my body permits. But just a update I'm mentally doing better than last week for sure and thank all of you who have been uplifting and kind. Yes even those who give tough love advice as well sometimes it is needed but my mind was not ready for that atm but I'm okay. Thank you elegirl for your help as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Good for you!! Focus on yourself, your son, and your dog. 

You have to focus on yourself first since your son depends on you. I think of it like when you're on an airplane and they tell you that if something happens and you need oxygen, put the oxygen on yourself first. Then after that on your child. The reason is that if you put it on your child first, you might pass out before you are done putting it on him... so you both pass out or worse.

I hope your foot turns out to be ok.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

So I got a letter in the mail today and I just opened it and I'm not sure what to make of this. It's my friends old lady that ran off with my old lady and she goes into telling me how sorry she is that this happened to the both of us and that I should write her but she understands if I don't and she still lets him see her son and my kids are around her kid. I didn't even know he had an old lady much less that he had a kid but apparently it is her kid from another man and not his biological. Wtf.. I'm so .... Blank inside at the moment should I even respond to her she goes on to saying maybe we can be friends. I've never even met her or know what her intentions are. Should I be worried about this? I'm so lost SMH 🤦


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