# Question about Hypocrisy



## Stacylong70 (Aug 19, 2018)

Im new to this group but have often visited and read alot of posts. I will be short in my question. I guess it deals with the principle of the situation.

Some time ago my wife had went on back to back business trips. It left me in a great deal of turmoil because of some of the situations that she was in and one maybe more situations that she deliberately put herself in. I truly believe that she did not do anything behind my back. My point to her was that her putting herself in those situations made me uncomfortable and out of respect she should not have done them. My argument to her was you are in situations that could allow a man to approach and proposition you. I told her I was not comfortable with that at all even if she was able to resist it.

Fast forward almost a year later and she has had a huge issue with a situation. NOT sexually related in any way but did involve the opposite sex. I showed her every text and she also had copies of snapshots of other people involved that could prove that nothing inappropriate was done or said, only casual conversation. Still she has accused me of an emotional affair. And after her last reaction to my last snapshots that I sent her I have come to the conclusion that I KNOW I have not done or said anything wrong, which she agrees. However I have told her for her own protection that it might be best to just not snapshot what I text if it will only upset her beyond any point of reason.

That is my side. In an argument she admitted to me... I guess in a way to be honest with me. That a man had propositioned her on her second business trip and asked her would she like to go back to his room to get oiled down and a massage. She said she told him no and I do believe her. When I asked her how could she tell me this a year later when she was in the middle of arguing with me about making sure I always tell her everything I say to this other woman she said she only with held the information from me because she knew it would upset me and she did not want me to be upset. I was a conscious decision she made. As far as I am concerned she proved my point that she was in positions where men could proposition her and she did not want to give me that satisfaction of being right, although her point is she is just trying to protect me from getting hurt.

Am I wrong or right in believing that this is hypocritical of her to insist that I include her in every word I say or is it just enough to let her know when I have spoken with the other person but keep words and details on my phone to myself to protect her from hurt. ( My reasoning for this is she has a jealous personality and has admitted to being insecure).. Like I previously stated she was propositioned by another man which is nothing like what has happened with me yet she insists she had the right to withhold the information from me.. My first gesture of honesty when I did a snapshot of all communication led to a huge argument because of her jealously. Let me also repeat that there are other people involved who have seen my texts and say that there was nothing inappropriate stated. Including the other persons mother.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think more detail is needed before any conclusions can be arrived at.

What are your ages? I'm asking becasue a woman's age and looks as a lot to do with whether or not she gets propositioned. Many younger women get propositioned fairly often. It's not the woman's fault/doing. It's the fault/doing of the man how does the propositioning.

What about the business trips that your wife goes on makes it more likley that she will be propositiond then, say in her normal daily buiness and social life?

Who is the woman that you were talking to, calling, etc? How often have you been doing this and for how long? How much daily contact do you have with the other woman? What do you talk to her about?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm not buying the "it's different" line. You don't get a free pass for being younger or female or short or whatever. She made him uncomfortable by her hiding her communication. He made her uncomfortable by hiding less communication. Either Or both are transparent or you aren't. 

I will say this. if she is unwilling to be transparent because she fears what he will say / do. and vise versa. Then one of two things is true. Either you are doing something you know will hurt your spouse, or the spouse is not providing a safe line of communication. Or both


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Stacylong70 said:


> Im new to this group but have often visited and read alot of posts. I will be short in my question. I guess it deals with the principle of the situation.
> 
> Some time ago my wife had went on back to back business trips. It left me in a great deal of turmoil because of some of the situations that she was in and one maybe more situations that she deliberately put herself in. I truly believe that she did not do anything behind my back. My point to her was that her putting herself in those situations made me uncomfortable and out of respect she should not have done them. My argument to her was you are in situations that could allow a man to approach and proposition you. I told her I was not comfortable with that at all even if she was able to resist it.
> 
> ...


You have huge problems in your relationship. It has nothing to do with the resulting situation. 

Dude, she slept with the guy, that is why she lied. And she is projecting her guilt of cheating onto you. 

Just as an FYI, you don't text other women, not that it matters here. 

You need to cut her loose.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> I'm not buying the "it's different" line. You don't get a free pass for being younger or female or short or whatever. She made him uncomfortable by her hiding her communication. He made her uncomfortable by hiding less communication. Either Or both are transparent or you aren't.
> 
> I will say this. if she is unwilling to be transparent because she fears what he will say / do. and vise versa. Then one of two things is true. Either you are doing something you know will hurt your spouse, or the spouse is not providing a safe line of communication. Or both


The difference is not female or young. The difference is that it's reasonable to assume that she got propositioned by some guy that she hardly knows and has no relationship with except some casual work relationship. Why should she have to report to her husband is a guy propositions her and she turns him down. Again, she did nothing wrong and is not pursuing anything with the guy.

On the other hand, the OP has a relationship of some type with a woman who he is texting, calling, etc. It might very well be an EA. But we will never know if he does not return and give us more info. Assuming that he is acting out of free will when he that he is texting, calling and other wise communicating and hanging out with the other woman he is doing something. Whether or not it rises to the point of an EA we don't know. 

He is far more involved with the other woman than his wife is with some guy who propositioned her. At least that's what I get from what he posted.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

StacyLong, 

You wrote, *That a man had propositioned her on her second business trip and asked her would she like to go back to his room to get oiled down and a massage.*

I would be upset that my took so long to tell me, particularly since it would be harder to track down the guy and expose him to his W or SO. Does your W know who he is?

Tamat


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Stacylong70 said:


> Im new to this group but have often visited and read alot of posts. I will be short in my question. I guess it deals with the principle of the situation.
> 
> Some time ago my wife had went on back to back business trips. It left me in a great deal of turmoil because of some of the situations that she was in and one maybe more situations that she deliberately put herself in. I truly believe that she did not do anything behind my back. My point to her was that her putting herself in those situations made me uncomfortable and out of respect she should not have done them. My argument to her was you are in situations that could allow a man to approach and proposition you. I told her I was not comfortable with that at all even if she was able to resist it.
> 
> ...


I think both of you should stop caring about winning your argument and start protecting each other from yourselves. I personally wouldn't want to be married to either one of you, because you seem to care about making points and not about how your actions cause doubt and hurt in your marriage. I can't imagine my wife being anywhere where someone would say that to her. I also don't have any platonic texting relationships with other women who are not my family. Why? Because they are not necessary to my happiness and personally I don't want my wife to worry about it, I want her to feel protected. My wife is my priority as I believe I am hers. It's about respect. Respect for the marriage and respect for my partner. 

I suggest marriage counseling.


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