# How do i leave?



## Heidi (Apr 15, 2010)

Hi,
I'm 28 years old and have been with my husband since I was 18. We had a discussion lastnight about how we have grown into two very different people since we first got together. We've been together for 10 years and married for 6. We started living together only months after we met. Neither of us have ever cheated on eachother (that I know of). We are at a place right now where we recognise that we are two different people and want different things but he wants to work on things and I just don't see how we can. I don't crave independence, I love the idea of marriage, but I do long to be free from this impossible situation.

The reason I haven't asked for a divorce is because I care soo much about him and can't stand the idea of abandoning him. I feel as though my life is passing me by as I struggle to make him happy and in the process become more and more unhappy. I know I should just leave and let him deal with the hurt and heal, but I just can't seem to do it. I've even considered cheating on him because that would be the one thing that would make him leave me, but I am not capable of cheating on him or anyone nor do I think that is a solution. I'm just kind of desperate I guess and would appreciate what you guys think. 

I forgot to mention that we've been fighting and argueing for the past 4 years and have gotten to the point where I basically avoid him when I can help it. He gets angry and frustrated that I'm not more like him and I get sad that he doesn't keep an open mind to my way of thinking and doing things. He feels that he is right and I am wrong in every situation and I don't feel he's wrong, just that we come to different conclusions. I want him to be happy but I'm obviously we're complete opposites with very little in common.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I dont think you two need to divorce or seperate. I think you two need counseling and to get back to your marriage. You seem as if you both have drifted off from one another and instead of wanting to please the other it is all selfish.

From what you type I definently see love. Talk about a conselor and not so much divorce. Rediscover yourselves.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Heidi, given how unhappy you both have been for at least 4 years, I am amazed that you have not taken him up on his offer "to work on" the marriage. It sounds like he is agreeable to see a therapist in couples counseling. I agree with Careful that, at some point, you two should have gone to seek help from a therapist. Perhaps now you are ready to do so. Or do you feel strongly that you have such little love left for him that you really do not want to try to save the marriage?


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Heidi,

Even if you are pretty darn certain you want out of this relationship I still strongly suggest that you go to marriage counsleing with your hsuband.

Worse case scenario - you learn exactly what you've been missing and why. You learn what he has been missing and why, you learn how to communicate better. etc.. You ;earn how to not allow the next relationship end up like this one.

Best case scenario - You find you really can be happy together


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

Uptown said:


> Heidi, given how unhappy you both have been for at least 4 years, I am amazed that you have not taken him up on his offer "to work on" the marriage. It sounds like he is agreeable to see a therapist in couples counseling. I agree with Careful that, at some point, you two should have gone to seek help from a therapist. Perhaps now you are ready to do so. Or do you feel strongly that you have such little love left for him that you really do not want to try to save the marriage?


 Uptown great post , it has a lot of things for op to seriously think about .


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## FeelingLowAboutIt (Apr 17, 2010)

How would you feel if the person was gone from your life forever? No questions asked, no guilt, just magically gone. You'll have to feel deep inside yourself for the real answer, because your feelings are probably wrapped up in all sorts of other stuff. If your real feeling is something other than existential dread, then file the paperwork and get it done. It's just a contract. Banks break em all the time for worse reasons. But don't lose that guy if you do love him because if you do you'll see him everywhere you look for the rest of your life. Eyes shut or eyes open.

Just my two cents. And this doesn't apply if you have little 'uns. Folks that have kids will always be sort of married, no matter what the law or their hearts say.


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