# Was it too early? responses will be appreciated greatly.



## purplebuddha (Sep 20, 2012)

So, i need to finally get this all off of my chest. I haven't been able to communicate to anyone about it, as i'm uneasy of my wife finding out. 

Long story short, we're both young newlyweds. Married at the end of last year, and it's been up and down constantly. The night before the ceremony, i had a complete break down and felt extremely uneasy about the decision; i wasn't sure why either. 

As we continue with our new life changes, i've been getting unhappier and unhappier. It's been progressive, and it's worse and worse as i continue on.

For one, i've been feeling like complete **** for months. I don't work out as much, get made fun of by her for my physical self, and constantly get told what to do. It's not that i mind it so much -- but CONSTANTLY having someone breathe down my neck to do what she wants me to do, with no relief until it's done is getting extremely annoying.

In addition, i can't text any of my friends or facebook anyone because if she hears my phone, she shuts down and claims that it doesn't matter who i text. she tells me one thing, but behaves different. If i facebook my friends, she lurks and her behaviors become uneasy and i feel like i'm walking on ice. i hate it. i've told her to quit doing this, and she says it never happens and she truly doesnt care.. but that attitude changes once i do it. she'll give me the cold shoulder, etc.


Another issue is this. 40 hours a week with school full time is a handful -- if i decide to relax and do nothing on my day off, i'm terribly wrong and i'll get yelled at for ages. If i don't go to family meetings with her, i'll get yelled at. Earlier, she got mad because i left my clothes on the floor next to my hamper... simply, i told her numerous times i haven't felt good, and i told her i'll get to it eventually, but i'm enjoying my time off and obviously i feel like ****. she refused, yelled and started to yell about more problems that she never brought up before.

it's difficult for me to explain. it's like, she will refuse to communicate any problems until the problem has persisted for so long. For example, hypothetically, i had a bad habit of leaving water bottles all over the sink, she would bring it up and if i suggested i should fix the issue... she will make me feel alright and say it's not that big of a deal. however, let's say the next time i do it, she'll keep her mouth quiet and just bottle up the anger of the water bottle. As i continue to do this, thinking it's not a big deal (because that's what she told me), she'll snap months later and make me feel like the biggest piece of ****. what do i do here?

Now... these are a few examples. She'll call me fat, tell me that i suck at everything besides school and my work, and legitimately make me feel like a worthless piece of **** while she changes her personality around her friends and acts like she never does these things.

I feel trapped. I feel depressed. I feel worthless. I feel like i took the marriage on too soon... and that makes me feel worse. I feel manipulated and controlled. any help would be appreciated.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I think you're both young.

I think you both have problems communicating effectively.

I think your wife is verbally abusive and you accept it.

I think you need to get into individual counseling to help focus YOURSELF on YOUR goals, your problems, your solutions, your needs. Your counselor can help you with suggested reading.

All the working, schooling, new marriage, growing pains (for both of you) is REALLY STRESSFUL. Your IC will also help you deal with the stress in your life -- find ways to relieve some of it, and ways to control/diminish other portions of the stress.

Money will, no doubt, be an issue, so you should inquire at your school about what kind of mental health support they offer students.

Good luck & we're always here if you need advice OR you just need to vent!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> Married at the end of last year





> get made fun of by her for my physical self





> I feel trapped. I feel depressed. I feel worthless. I feel like i took the marriage on too soon... and that makes me feel worse. I feel manipulated and controlled.


One word: DIVORCE

I'm pro marriage, but this is no way to start a life together. Get out before it's too late. And please don't have any children together.


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## miss812 (Jun 17, 2012)

Your wife sounds like my husband. Based on my experience, it does not get better - it only gets worse.
I've been married 6 years now and I am finally not putting up with it anymore.
You might want to try counseling, I suggest that if you are still in love with her. If not, you should get a divorce.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

She's controlling
She's verbally abusive
Divorce/annul/ Whatever


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## WalkingInLight (Aug 14, 2012)

Toffer said:


> She's controlling
> She's verbally abusive
> Divorce/annul/ Whatever


Toffer, how on earth is this helpful?


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## WalkingInLight (Aug 14, 2012)

purplebuddha said:


> So, i need to finally get this all off of my chest. I haven't been able to communicate to anyone about it, as i'm uneasy of my wife finding out.
> 
> Long story short, we're both young newlyweds. Married at the end of last year, and it's been up and down constantly. The night before the ceremony, i had a complete break down and felt extremely uneasy about the decision; i wasn't sure why either.
> 
> ...


I'd like to suggest you get the book, "Hold on to your N.U.T.s" It's an easy read and you'll find it helps your marriage right from the start if you start to implement these things.

I'm 100% serious - you can recover your marriage. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?


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