# My partner is a crossdresser, bisexual, and a cheater



## Candida (May 7, 2012)

Hi,
I have never post before, my life is up side down...I hope who ever reads this thread can understand me, I am from Argentina.
I have been in my relationship for 8 years I never knew my partner was crossdresser/bi and the rest. We met online eleven years ago at that time I was having problems with my marriage. I never chatted before I used to play gin . One day this small window pop up...stated chatting. We chatted for three years, many times he asked out, and I said no, I wasn't ready for meeting anyone. I didn't even want to see his pic. I had no clue what he looked like. We chatted hours, about life, poetry, and Biz. Never allowed any sexual talked. After three years one day I desided to meet him. I thougth he was amazing, caring everything I always wanted. To make story short, few years passed, we were very good, excellent sex and in everything. When I met him, he told me he was divorced, then he said he was separated and it was true. He lived alone for sometime. He was pushing me to leave my house, many times I said i was not ready. One day he went back to his house and wife, I was shocked. Perhaps you are wondering about me? My now ex, we had rooms separated and we made a desicion that when our daughter finished high school we will get divorced. 
This is long and getting boring...but I tell you it gets juicy.
After two month of on and off we went back together living la vida loca!..after another year he asked me again to move together, I was thinking about it, but he demanded an answered and I said not yet. In that moment his cheatting started, he was cheating online with so many girls I counted more that 20. He was promising the same thing to all of us, eternal love, sending the same poems, songs etc. One day he met online one a girl from our town...I found out and confronted him, he lied and sweared for his son's life it was not true, that he never had sex with her.... well he even said asked her, So I did. She told me yes, she knew lot of things about me. I confronted him again and he said she was lying! I said no. I said I asked her about your body description (I lied I never asked that) he fail the test, and told me the truth. He even said that she meant nothing and because he was ungry with me because I will never leave my house he started looking for someone else. He begged me and told me "I do anything" and I said ok. I brought my lap top and said open all your emails... so he did and inmmediately I changed all the passwords he didn't know I did that I also said give me your cell phone, so he did. I went to my car and drove away. I spent the whole night reading all his emails, he didn't have time to delete all. I was in shock... I spent the night in my friend's house, around 6am he was at the door, begging. He is pretty good with pc's I am not bad at all, I knew he will recovered the password, but he didn't know that i spent all night up reading, when he changed the password it was too late. I couldn't believe that the guy who told me that he loves me like crazy was cheatting on me ...on my face... Well I know he was double cheatting...to his wife and me..and the twenty others.. How silly I was! I was so inloved, I never scream at him or cried. I told him that morning "tonight I want to go dancing with you" he looked at me with dismay, surpriced! So we did go, we danced, and had a great time, all night he was looking at me and wondering why I was doing that..mmm. the more I think the more I believe I was very stupid not to stop in that moment, I would be now better of. I looked at him and said, I wanted to know how does it feel to be in your arms again after all of these mess..... I forgave him !!! he said he will do anything, I said ok, write to all of those girls and tell them you were lying, cheatting and that you have the love of your life with you!....I made sure all the emails went. I thought it was the end of the cheatting. We went for a short holiday, we had a blast and wonderful honeymoon! I saw him only one time on the internet, that made me wonder. Few days after we came back, I saw his computer on, and started to look, well I found out he still had one girl. I confronted him he was crying saying she was his backup because he never thought I would forgive him.... wow.... Guess what? I believed him....again I forgave him.... He went into a period of nice guy. I went to my country and of course he was on the loose!!! I suspected something was wrong and I desided to come two days earlier. He never knew I did that. I went to our apartment when he was working and saw....well...condoms etc... I was very ungry... I lost my mind...but I played cool.. I called him at 11am saying I was at the airport and asked him to have lunch... He said yes... but had to be at 1pm because he had a meeting... When he saw me I said ..how about if we go to the apartment? he said great he was waiting for that. When we arrived the apartment was not how I saw it early that morning. After my call, he rushed to clean up the evidenses... I looked at him and smile...
So we started making out and I grabbed my camara... did I say he likes to play with dildos? but not on me! So he was very aroused, the camara exited him.. I was filming all... I played the game...revange!!! after we finnished I say bye and went to my office and chose 5 pictures... not the best ones but very explanatory...and I sent those pics to all of the girls!!! I know, I know...It was predemeditation...YES! machiavelic ? YES and I sent him a copy. It was war!! ...Something that I regret, was not paying attention to his likes for dildos...I thought it was kincky, a game - part of two concent adults! never ever crossed my mind anything else. 
Guess what??? yessss me, such a stupid woman, by the way I have to say that I am very good looking, sexy, a knock out body....sorry to say all these but is true...I am not lying and I am not showing off.... That even made me more stupid. He is good looking in those days he was over weight, didn't matter to me.... my friends told me that love makes see unreal things!!! He is cutre or should I say SHE???
wow this is long... Again I saw his pc open and I digged in....Now I know why the say better not to look! I founded an email from craigs list....I nearly faint...cried, scream.... He was soliciting a big black **** minimum 8" and 2" to make him scream like a *****!! and a pic of him in fish net ( we bought together and a blond wig) showing his white ass!!! 
This was the first time after 7 years I shouted at him, screamed at him...? I said why craigs list, soliciting like a *****...I was concern of my safety... Guess what??? He told me that he was not gay! he told me that he was crossdresser? Honestly I never ever heard that term...I only knew two things..Straight and Gay.
I asked him if he had sexual encounters with guys...he said only
only two times but he is into guys! That he loves to dress like a woman....I was in shock..... Guess What?? yes,,, I believed all that... So I became the SO of a crossdresser, I helped him/her to dress, make up etc... He told me he didn't have gender disphoria...he loves his ****....well I know now he love ****s very much...At the beggining it was fun, going out to places, helping her to built confidense...By the way his wife never knew this side of him/her. He/she was terrifyed that his sons would fine out, but his desired of going out was stronger than the fear of losing his family. I really helped him a lot. Sometimes I felt sorry when people looked at him/her and laughted..many times I was defending her, telling these people off, I was like a lioness defending her cubs... After few months he started telling me that he want to have real boobs! then hips, then female face reconstruction, and hormones...I said a big NO to hormones, and for the face. I said boobs you can remove them if you don't want them anymore, same as the hips, but the face it can not be reversable, especially the very female way he wanted to be. Did I mentioned that he was a little over weight and his high is 6'5 it was 280lb? Very tall ..he/she likes to dress very sexy actually is not sexy is ***** looks, loves mini skirts, when I say mini barely covering his ****, using 10" high heels. One day I said, there is a fine line from being sexy than to look like a cheap *****! He/She got very upset..... We desided to move to another country to start a business his idea was to be full time girl... Guess what??? YES I said ok to everything but not to the hormones..... He/she was very convinsing in telling me how wonderful our life would be.. with his/her boobs and the rest... Did I said the cheatting stop??? NO... he/she was cheatting online, she had a facebook with so many friends travesties, transsexuals, crossdressers and lots of request from men to have sex.... well she felt very flattered, and started playing the game...Our business didn't work, did I say he quit his six figures job? it was not for me, his desired to be a woman was stronger, than to see clearly . Guess what? Yes I still with him/her... I told him I didn't want to stay in that country anymore I was coming home with him or without him. We came back home.... ahhh we both are divorced now... He is broke, very down because his/her dream is shattered. 
We were having problems so he started talking sweet to his ex, in case I kick him out from my house. (which I did two times...yes I am so idiot!) that had hapened 3 month ago. 
Well , when he/she left went to a hotel, I found out he posted and ad....YES in craigs list. men2men..asking for company just in a platonic date....BS...I confroted him....again I forgave him...
Well I know he will never change, I can't blame all of these only on him...I am a smart woman, I lived all my life very well, I lived in 5 continents, I had money, I travelled arround the world, I am good looking.....WHY?????? I know the why....I had everything with my ex, but not tenderness, I will tell you only one thing that my ex did...to kill everything..... Before I met my actual partner.... I was diagnosed with cancer ( lymphoma).... I came home crying and scared.... I told my ex...and guess what he said to me?? he said... "You have not right to make me poor"! instead of holding me, telling me that everything will be alright!...When I heard that...I grabbed my phone and I called my online friend. He came to my rescued. I left everything, lots of money for what I thought it was a wonderful guy, caring too caring..like a woman...that was a signed!!... 
Now he/she is living in my house, is broke, I am paying for everything, not much sex...because he gets aroused by ****s only... I feel sorry for him...but lately I am feeling very sorry for myself... that I lost everything... I know deep in my heart that one day he will leave for a ****.... and I so damm stupid that I can't let him go.... We are not that young we are in our 50's, many people say I look very young perhaps in my 40's with a great body and boodie...and boobs which are mine because I paid for them! LOL....
why am I here? because I need somebody to tell me something that I don't know!! in Theory I am very good but in practise I faile!...He is in my house I have to push him to work, he gets up late, living on me..paying nothing...I know he doesn't have much money...between his child support and the ex is not much left, luckily is only one more year!! The only thing I ask is ...Would be nice of him if he says I will pay the water bill! That's it...I probably will say ,,no darling.... Sometimes when we go out and I see a black guy, I wonder...if he is thinking about that Di%^^? It is horrible to feel that way, I can compite with a woman but with a ****??? I will never win! He dresses at home like a girl I am used to that, is normal, by the way I am not into girls at all....I love ****... My therapists were having fun with my story...What to do???? I think my glass is getting full, I noticed I am not that tolerant anymore....He can not play his game of pretendin in leaving me anymore..or crying.. If he wants to leave I will let him go... But I can't throw him out now that he is broke and his ex has a boyfriend.
Sorry for all these long post....I feel better now that I ventilated ... So many things I didn't say here, I would be all night long. It is nearly 2.00am He is in bed and is time for me to go too. I have no clue what is going to happen later, why? Because I told him to put his act together and start working and stop messing around or " learning" I say you are so intelligent so much knowledge not need for more at these point, you need to work! Well he stormed and left. First time in 8years I didn't try to sort the problems out. I left to see a friend, came back, eat my dinner and play a DVD. He came to bed while I was watching it, and put his hand close to mine, I didn't touch him...other times I would touch and talk...This time nothing... am I getting out of the darkness?

Thanks
Sorry for grammar mistakes, english is not my language.:sleeping::scratchhead:


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

you know you need to get out of that.


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## Candida (May 7, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> you know you need to get out of that.


Thanks for your replied. I know, but I am so bloody weak... I wish I could stop loving him/her but I can't, and he /she knows that. I am the one supporting him, if he leaves he has no place or money. Excuses, excuses...


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

Sexual identity is the least of the problems outlined in your story. You need to see a counselor as soon as you are able. The relationship you are in with your partner is dysfunctional, and from your description, is damaging to both of you.

Even if you want to help your partner, you will be unable to do so until you are stable emotionally and mentally. You should take steps to improve your own mental and emotional health. Individual counseling may be very beneficial to you. There are usually programs to help people get counseling if they are financially unable to do so on their own.

Some of the language you use in your story makes me think you have resentment toward your partner. This resentment will continue to grow and be toxic to both of you. It will eventually destroy any chances for any kind of positive relationship between you. 

Your partner has continuously lied to you and broken your trust. Your partner only admitted to certain truths when you confronted with hard evidence. What if you had not discovered any of the things you mention? How long would the lies continue? 

Your partner also needs to seek counseling. Sexual identity issues are tough to resolve, and there may be other factors contributing to your partner's mental state. 

The type of impulsive behavior mentioned in your story also points to symptoms of certain mental disorders, so in addition to seeing a counselor, both of you should see psychiatrists, and primary care physicians for blood work and other general health issues.

Hope you found some of this helpful, good luck.

-P


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Paladin said:


> The type of impulsive behavior mentioned in your story also points to symptoms of certain mental disorders, so in addition to seeing a counselor, both of you should see psychiatrists


 Paladin has given you lots of wise advice and I hope you read that post over and over.

I just wanted to add, there are certain mental disorders where the partner initially "mirrors" you and shows you a side of themselves that appears to powerfully compliment your own personality. That is very attractive even to normal, mentally healthy people and they are drawn in to a relationship with this person. Eventually, the mirror cracks. Like Paladin I strongly recommend that you attend counseling whether your partner chooses to, or not.


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