# Husband hits and throws things when angry



## anonymous5 (Jul 8, 2015)

Hi everyone! I posted last summer about some issues with my husband and in-laws that came up and I really appreciated your insight and advice!! So first of all, a way too long, overdue THANK YOU for all your help!!

Unfortunately, another issue has reared its ugly head yet again and I am floored that this has happened, not once but twice. 

Overall, our marriage is improving, slowly but surely. We're learning to face challenges as a team instead of alone and my husband has been more emotionally supportive, provided it does not pertain to him or his family. But when other challenges arise in life, he is there for me. Baby steps, right?

But, about a month and a half ago after I got home late from work, determined to be positive, kind, and fun, I greeted my husband with a kiss. We watched our favorite tv shows, laughed and joked about our days. He had to go to bed, I had every intention of being intimate with him in a half hour or so but I had to check my email and do some college related things. I went into the bedroom to get my planner, and he made some lewd remark and told him to wait a few minutes.

When I got into bed, he was practically swaddled in the sheet and I jokingly called him a blanket hog and said I just want to put my arm around you. He proceeds to start flailing about and hit my hand in the process. We say there in silence for a minute, my mind racing and I finally said it, "What the hell just happened?" More silence. I said firmly, "You need to be more careful and aware of your surroundings." He yelled, "I hate this sheet!! It strangles me!!" He grumbled a quiet, begrudgingly "sorry" and promptly fell asleep. I went to the couch. I almost left then and there except the closest place I could go is three hours away, and I had class the next day with an exam I could not miss.

The reason I considered leaving is this is not the first time something like this has happened. A year ago, my husband and I were out of town, in the car and his phone's GPS was acting up and we needed to get to a restaurant to meet with some friends. We were parked. He was in the driver's seat, I was in the passenger. He was so livid at his phone, he threw it on the floor of the passenger side and hit my knee, hard. He immediately apologized after that and asked if I was okay. I was fine, but it did leave a bruise. But later that day, my memory is foggy, but I explicitly remember him saying, "Your knee got in the way." followed by a quick sorry.

The afternoon before the bed incident happened, he was taking the laundry down the stairs of our apartment in one of the those cheap hamper things. The wire got loose and hooked on the radiator. I was right behind him with another basket. He started yelling profanities and punching the wall and jerking the hamper around. I told him to calm down and stop moving so I could unhook the wire. Once we got to the car I told him to breathe and calm down and he said, "I've got too much s#%* to do!" I asked what I could do to help and he said its fine.

I just want to clarify that he has never intentionally thrown anything at me, hit me, or pushed me when we have had arguments in the past. In fact, he rarely raises his voice. He seems to get so angry at inanimate objects and he doesn't care who is in the radius when he decides to take this rage out on them. Also, nothing like this ever happened before we were married, and we were together 8 years before we got married.

When I came home from work the next evening, I told him that he was lucky I was still there and how school was the only thing holding me back from leaving last night and if something like that ever happens again, I'm gone.

He was really quiet, said okay, and went back to watching tv. I think the lack of a real apology or discussion of what happened is what's really bothering me. His actions are completely uncalled for and I never thought I would be in situation like this, especially with my husband who I have known for over a decade and never acted like this before.

I guess I'm asking for any advice from someone who has been in a similar situation and if your SO stopped the behavior or if it just got worse. I know every individual is different but I also wanted to get this off my chest. 

Thank you so much!!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, I think it's good that these things do not happen when you two are fighting, and they are not directed at you. My ex put so many holes in walls, cracked a lot of doors, etc. and ALL of it was directed at me. Eventually he also put bruises on me.

I think the two of you need to get to the bottom of why he's having these little temper tantrums. Does he have a lot of stress in his life? 

Do you have kids?


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I think the two of you need to get to the bottom of why he's having these little temper tantrums. Does he have a lot of stress in his life?


I agree. Is there something bothering him in particular? As the incidents are not directed at you, it seems like leaving is a bit of an overkill. However, I sympathize. Totally uncalled for behavior. Make sure he understands that it's not to be repeated.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Almost 20 years in law enforcement and I can promise you this, the hitting to objects in anger will eventually turn to hitting you in anger, You need to get out now and never have kids with this manchild


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I agree with the other TAMers here. He's taking out his anger and frustrations on you--right now it's verbally, and the fact that you've been physically hurt has been coincidental. But eventually, it will turn physical, and it won't be coincidental.

He needs to get some anger management, and you need to seriously re-evaluate if this is someone you can live with. No one deserves to be another person's emotional (or physical) punching bag.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

There seem to be a lot of physical outbursts where you are close enough to pick up some collateral damage which is troubling. And I do not mean to discount all the concerns about possible future escalation others are expressing. 

On the other hand, I do want to observe that the occasional physical lash out kinda of thing is somewhat endemic to being male. If someone gets upset enough women tend to cry or get quiet or whatever, men tend to whack something - preferably inanimate of course. A healthy male needs to control these enough to at a minimum redirect the energy in a safe direction but I think believing it can all be eliminated is wishful thinking. 

I've occasionally slammed something down or smacked a wall over the years. Never directed at a person, totally doesn't concern me. Once a few years ago in a personal interaction that was extremely upsetting I chose to leave the house for an hour to calm down before re-engaging. Getting mad is not the problem, it happens, what you do about it either is or isn't a problem...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He needs anger management and counselling.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Threw a cell phone a year ago and cussed a laundry basket a couple days ago? He's 99.99999% calm and reasonable and 100% non-violent with people? A danger only to laundry baskets, cell phones, and whoever tries to get too close when he has the rare hissy fit? Whoever teaches anger management probably has a bigger anger problem than he does. People get stressed. Even saintly, reasonable people get stressed. Doesn't make them bad or dangerous. Whatever is going on apparently is very different than his normal behavior.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Sounds like anxiety to me. There's meds for that. Either way you have him an ultimatum. When it happens again you're gone. Problem is that he can't control himself and he's made no attempt to fix the problem so all you did with your ultimatum is back yourself against the wall.


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