# A question for men



## cinnamorollin (Nov 20, 2009)

Imagine you are a married man. 
Imagine you have an ex female co-worker on your myspace friend's list, and you message her things like, "I've been working out a lot lately." (when you actually have not been working out at all)
and..., "Can I come over to your apartment so we can hook up?"

and the girl tells you to leave her alone and deletes you from her friends list....

and AN ENTIRE YEAR later you search for her and start sending her messages again saying, "hey why are you ignoring me?" and "c'mon, let's get together you know you want to."

and the girl tells you to leave her alone again and eventually has to block you from contacting her.

and your wife catches you both times. 

and you're so embarassed at how unattractive this coworker is that you just play it off as a joke & refuse to discuss the issue.....and you also plead your case by stating you and the girl never had sex so it's not a problem...

Why are you doing this/have you done this? What is going on?[/B][/B]




Imagine you are that same married man...and you create a myspace profile under a fake name and the only friend you have on there is a female "friend" from school. Why would you do that?

Imagine you are still the same married man, and you are on the job. You somehow meet a female (who's not your coworker but she works at a location (as a janitor =/) you often visit while working. You somehow acquire eachother's phone numbers, and then continue to text eachother all day every day monday thru friday from six am to 9 pm (not on the weekends, her name is not programmed into your phone, when your wife asks you who you're texting 24/7 *even while out celebrating your wife's birthday* you claim it is your good guy-friend "Ray" <<<<all of this applies to each following text-"friend")

You for some reason quit texting that girl, and begin texting another from school in the same way you did the janitor.

THEN you for some reason quit talking to the girl from school and you begin texting a female co-worker in the same way you did the other two girls...

and still all three girls , who you claim are friends, are hidden from your wife.

THEN, your wife grabs your phone out of your hand, and reads (very much against your will, so much so that you practically tackle your wife for your phone & bruise her wrist) a text from the current co-worker in which she's telling you what time she's getting off of work that day. YOUR EXCUSE???: I was gonna invite you out too, we could go out, the three of us. Your wife has never met the girl, the girl is single....and you and your wife are definitely not swingers. When your wife demands you prove your intentions by texting the girl back asking her to go out after work with you and your wife, the co-worker is extremely confused in her response. Your wife is also confused. 

You defend yourself in every situation and justify yourself by saying you've done nothing wrong because you haven't had sex with anyone but your wife.

What's going on and why?


(sorry if this makes no sense, I just need a guys perspective as to what's going on in my husbands head.)


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Hes either being very childish and likes chasing after the women purely for the thrill of it or hes hopong something will come of it....


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

He's looking for a physical affair IMO. Time for a long discussion and set your boundaries.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

I've never seen an issue presented in this way.

I'm thinking your husband is an idiot.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Not a man here, but your hubby is fishing. While he may not have physically crossed the line yet (or he may have) he is DEFINITELY casting his line out to see what he can reel in. Don't let him fool you into thinking its innocent. It's not.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I agree with all above, he's fishing for a physical affair, period.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

There are no excuses for what he's doing or done. And I think there are a lot of men who would rather chase an ugly/easy girl than an attractive/unattainable one.


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## cinnamorollin (Nov 20, 2009)

yeah I suppose all of your answers make sense...considering the only reason he hasn't been able to "hook-up" with these girls is because they either turn him down or I stop him before the relationships develop to that point. I'm sure he would have had sex with one of them by now if they had accepted his offers or I hadn't found out in time. 

It just makes no sense to me because after all of these situations have taken place, I really don't care anymore if were together or not. I have told him that if he wants to be with someone else so bad I will more than willingly leave and he can do whatever he wants. 

He insists he does not want us to get a divorce, and has even gone to the point of threatening to kill himself or trying to restrain me from leaving. I really don't get it.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Sooner or later he may get "lucky" and you may be the unfortunate recipient of an STD. Set the boundaries with a no tolerance clause or tell him to hit the road.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

im just curious why he would be seeking sex outside the marriage? i know most women dont believe a man needs a reason and usually write it off to the man being an ***hole. but is everything else ok with the marriage?


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## Ditajr (Nov 24, 2009)

I'm not a man. But I think that your husband thinks that you are a moron, which you obviously aren't. Yet it's very obvious he is. I wouldn't wait around for him to finally find someone willing.


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## cinnamorollin (Nov 20, 2009)

I have told him that I have no tolerance for cheating or attempting to cheat/emotional affairs....obviously he doesn't care because he's been "fishing" for the last 2 1/2 years. It's been ten girls already. We were separated and considering divorce before because of this. Then we got back together and after 4 months of us being back on track, and concieving our first child, he got caught doing it again. The only reason I am with him still is because of the stress leaving right this moment would put on me and the baby. 

Could all of this be happening because we are high school sweethearts and neither of us have ever been with anyone else? 

I have no problem being with only one man my entire life, but maybe he wonders what it's like to be with someone else? The person I married had morals and it seems like they've all gone down the drain. I am making plans and saving money for after the baby is born, just in case he's still up to the same old stufff. I am actually expecting it to happen again. 

I just would like to know if there is any way to save my marriage?


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## cinnamorollin (Nov 20, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> im just curious why he would be seeking sex outside the marriage? i know most women dont believe a man needs a reason and usually write it off to the man being an ***hole. but is everything else ok with the marriage?




I really don't know why he would be seeking sex outside of our marriage. 

I have tried to talk to him about it without seeming like I am attacking him, and he refuses to talk to me. He insists that our marriage is great, he loves me, and so on. 

As far as his sexual needs, they are definitely met. We have sex about every other day, and it's always good...or so I thought??IDK

THe only time our relationship seems to be struggling is when I catch him talking to other girls. During the time frames that he begins these relationships with other girls, I feel like everything is going perfectly with us. Then he starts acting wierd again and I snoop through his stuff and find out what's been going on behind my back.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Just one question: why did you have a child with this guy after you were well aware of his modus operandi? I am certainly not balming you for having a child with your husband, but by your own timeline you were well aware of his proclivities. He sounds like a complete dirt bag, but your post was cogent enough. You seem smarter than this. Everything that you wrote to describe this guy suggests he is the worst sort of scum imaginable. Of what kind of scum do I speak? The kind that violates vows, destabilizes a home, and takes advantage of a persons good nature and trust. That kind.

In my opinion, serial cheaters wait in line with pedophiles on the roller coaster to hell. You have to leave him. Threatening to "kill himself if you leave", please. How unfair of you to want a faithful husband.

I'm sorry, I almost forgot to answer your question cinamorollin. As an actual man, I can't imagine your scenario. I can't imagine being that guy. I can understand well enough what's transpired, it's obvious, but how one could generate the will to actually do it...it truly defies me. LIL


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## nutshell (Nov 4, 2009)

I'm a man, and it seems to me, he's on a constant fishing trip. Wannabe player, maybe?


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## forwardtherapy (Nov 25, 2009)

Is the problem here the other relationships themselves (sex or no sex) or Dishonesty?

How might you respond to Dishonesty in a way that is keeping with the values that you want in your own relationship to him?


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

At first, I thought that this may be a real obsession on his part with the girl who got away. But the way he moves to other women suggests that's not it.

Unless you're really a cold fish of a romantic partner, the problem is that he's never going to be happy with the grass on his side of the fence. He won't leave you, because that's a lot of work; he just wants to picnic in all the other fields, which look greener at the time. (If he does leave you for someone else, he'll probably end up cheating on her too.)

I don't suppose you could get him a chastity belt?


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