# Husband Wants me to find another Man Just for Sex...I'm very confused!!



## LovinMyMan (Jan 2, 2013)

My Husband and I have only been married less than 4 years...We love each other very much...Sex is Great, Wonderful, Out of this World. But He feels he isn't good enough in bed...for that matter he feels he isn't good enough for me. Which I tell him all the time he is..I'm 50 yrs old and for the first time in my life I can truley say I'm in Love. I know he loves me just as much..that's not the issue. The issue is that because he feels I need more sex, he wants me to go find a man just to have sex with. I'm really confused..I don't know how to go about this with my husband. He swears its not me...it's him, he feels he can't give me enough sex...He loves sex when he have it..but he doesn't want it often. And he knows how sexual I am. So he says it wouldn't be aproblem for him if I did this. But I really don't want to and he knows this...he is very persistant about this subject and says I will be very satisfied and will want to continue with a special friend that i can find. What would you do? I really need some opnions on this before I explode.
Thank you in advance


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Counselling. Your husband sounds like he has some serious self-esteem issues.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

How often do the two of you make love a week now?

What would you like per week and what would he like? How old is he?

I'd never get someone on the side due to the danger of having feelings develop. has your husband thought about this?


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

I remember years ago my wife and I went through this same problem. She did not have the drive I had and told me to find a girl friend on the side. This did not go over well with me. I responded by saying that I was only interested in having sex with her and we needed to compromise.

So, you need to have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him that you only want to have sex with him and that it (the sex itself) is about being with him. Let him know point blank that you having an affair is not going to happen under any circumstances.


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## LovinMyMan (Jan 2, 2013)

Marriage Counsiling is out..he won't do it...we make love about once or twice a week...then sometimes its not for weeks. He is almost 50 himself. Yes he said as long as I don't develop feelings for another person he has NO problem with it..but my quesiton is, why would you want someone you say you love so much to go out and have sex with someone else and then say oooo but dont develop feelings...I"m not saying I would I love my husband so much but why take that chance..that just sounds crazy to me


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## LovinMyMan (Jan 2, 2013)

gonefishin....I have told him more than once I don't want to have sex, make love or anything with another man but him...he is still saying i'm too much for just one man to handle and i need to go find another man to have sex with...He says it would do me good to be more sexually satisfied...but in all honesty and I have told him this...it wouldn't matter to me if we had sex once a year..its the fact that WE are having it together..not me an someone else


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

My wife offered up something very similar recently. Her hormones were low. She went to a Dr. and increased her levels...now that request seems foreign to her. She is glad I did not take her up on it.
I think he needs some self esteem support.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Counselling. Your husband sounds like he has some serious self-esteem issues.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LovinMyMan said:


> Marriage Counsiling is out..he won't do it...we make love about once or twice a week...then sometimes its not for weeks. He is almost 50 himself. Yes he said as long as I don't develop feelings for another person he has NO problem with it..but my quesiton is, why would you want someone you say you love so much to go out and have sex with someone else and then say oooo but dont develop feelings...I"m not saying I would I love my husband so much but why take that chance..that just sounds crazy to me


Likely, it's because he wants you to only be in a relationship with him, but he feels inadequate to fill your sexual needs. Considering you can go weeks without, I cans ee why he feels that way.

Sex in a marriage is totally different than almost anything else in a marriage. If your husband can't, for example, cook you supper, he can take you out. If he can't fix the lawnmower, he can pay someone to fix it. Both are fine and good. If he can't meet your sexual needs though, what options does he have left?

Considering how you feel about him, I sense he's a very nice, caring, wonderful guy. I'd wager he's also a giver, someone who enjoys pampering you, or giving you what you want/need, even at the expense of his own plasure. If so, his offer of you having a lover to fulfill your needs is just an extreme example of his desire to fulfill your needs.

Likely, he thinks your sexual fulfillment is a bigger need for you than it really is.

Why won't he do counselling? I'd think given the choice between going to counselling and watching my wife stroll out the door ever Friday night to get some from a random hook up, I'd be more than fine with counselling.


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## LovinMyMan (Jan 2, 2013)

Kingsfan...you are right in almost every way...He is the most caring, loving, wonderful man I have ever met in my life...as far as counselling...he just feels its something we can handle ourselves. My sexual fulfillment isn't that big...I don't feel I need it all the time...he is saying that he feels he can't do a very good job at it...that is his complaint with himself. He feels he can not satisfy me and feels like I need to be satisfied more than he can physically do it. I"m saying I don't need it as much as he feels i do..I can go without it or have it when he is ready or willing. I only want him and that's that. But I dont' know what to do because this is something he talks about all the time. Its almost as if he is excited at the fact of me sleeping with someone else.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Sounds like some positive feedback when you are in your intimate moments would do him some good.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Some men do get off on the thoughts of their wife with another guy. Look up cuckold on the Internet. Doesn't mean it's a good idea in a marriage, though...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LovinMyMan said:


> Kingsfan...you are right in almost every way...He is the most caring, loving, wonderful man I have ever met in my life...as far as counselling...he just feels its something we can handle ourselves. My sexual fulfillment isn't that big...I don't feel I need it all the time...he is saying that he feels he can't do a very good job at it...that is his complaint with himself. He feels he can not satisfy me and feels like I need to be satisfied more than he can physically do it. I"m saying I don't need it as much as he feels i do..I can go without it or have it when he is ready or willing. I only want him and that's that. But I dont' know what to do because this is something he talks about all the time. Its almost as if he is excited at the fact of me sleeping with someone else.


It is a possibility. There is a very lengthy thread on these boards about some mens desire to share their wifes, to watch them have sex with another man, or to engage in a swingers lifestyle. It is apparently a common fantasy.

Ask your husband about it. If you don't think he'll tell you the truth about what he thinks about 'sharing' you, make up a story that you 'heard on the news' about a couple that did that and see what he thinks of it. Pick his brain.

Considering the lack of sex overall though, I'd suspect he's not really interested in watching you with another man, or even with knowing you are with another man. Rather, i think he wants to keep you happy for fear of rejection. This is all spectulation though given I can't get his true side of the story.

I'd make it clear to him that you not only will not seek out another man, but that talk of you finding another man, or even talk of how he can't satisfy you is driving you away from him and if he doesn't quit that it could very well lead to a breakdown in the marriage and a divorce or seperation. Tell him that if he feels inadequate that that is ok to feel that way, but it isn't correct. Then tell him he needs to discuss with you where this feeling is coming from.

I'd try suggestion the counselling route again, even if it's just for him. Maybe he's to worried about telling someone he knows about his feelings (whatever they are) so get him to consider opening up to soemoen else.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

LovinMyMan said:


> Its almost as if he is excited at the fact of me sleeping with someone else.


And then... what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I don't see this ending well if you go down that path.

Or maybe he already has?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

As Chris said, a common theme in affairs is for the unfaithful spouse to encourage the faithful spouse to cheat. It's a way to assuage the guilt. So it's possible that your husband's low drive for you is simply what is left over from him spending most of his energy on another woman.

Another possibility, as PBear noted, is the cuckold fantasy. The cuckold fantasy involves a man believing himself to be inadequate, then his wife has sex with another man who is better endowed and better at satisfying his wife than he is. This humiliation is actually what gets these husbands off. Some of the husbands want to be in the room while their wives are telling them how much better the other man is.

Ask your husband if he would want to watch you with another man. If he says yes (or even a noncommittal no), then you might have yourself a wannabe cuckold.

Another possibility is that your husband has low testosterone and simply has low drive because of it. It that's it, he can change his diet and exercise regimen to generate more testosterone.

Good luck.


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