# Considering separation and possibly divorce



## Gllangel (Jul 6, 2014)

Two days ago my husband received a letter in the mail regarding child services from the previous state we lived in. I for some reason didn't realize what state was listed on the envelope and disregarded it until the day after. I opened it and it said it was final reminder to the alleged father regarding notice of paternity and financial responsibility. (My husband has never has a problem with me opening his mail so of course this did not come up as an issue.) He was still in bed (not sleeping) as I read it. I came over and asked him what this was about. He immediately denied responsibility and said it was a mistake. I told him it wasn't because it states the baby's birth, the mother's name, and my husband's name. He then told me the (at least what he claims) to be the horrid details. He claims back in 2013 some time right before our wedding he got mad at me, had a few drinks at home, got on a dating app, messaged a girl, then met her at a hotel and had sex with her. She then found out he used a fake name from the hotel and apparently called his phone several times because she was mad at him. (He didn't tell me if he ever responded to her or just ignored her) Well a few months later I suppose, she contacted him and said she was pregnant. He claims that she said that she would not ask for money from him as long as he stayed away from her. (FYI his excuse for all this is we weren't having enough sex or we had argued previously before he cheated on me. I told him that those reasons are not a reason to cheat and he said he knew that...)

Well he decided to not get a dna test, not tell me, and get married anyway. Now when we got married I knew he was sexting people through this dating app as I found out a couple of months before our wedding. I was considering calling it off, but he promised he'd never do it again. (I now know that when I found out it was probably the same night I could not find him or get a hold of him and he was probably out having sex with this girl..) 

So I married him and thought things were going well. Unfortunately I would come to find he was sexting people several time throughout our marriage and one time while I was pregnant.

This child that "may" be his, was born 1/25/14. This has crushed me. I do not believe that there is anyway the child isn't his. He admitted that he didn't use protection. She contacted him immediately when she found out she was pregnant too. The only reason I found out about this is because she is obviously applying for state aid which requires the paternity of the child's father to be known. My husband was never going to tell me about this child. I also doubt he was going to tell me about this letter. (It says final, indicating that there were other letters)

I told him that I didn't believe his story. I don't think they just hooked up and she some how became attached to him or thought he'd call her the next morning (which he did say he would) if it was just a one night stand. He has lied to me before about his sexting and I just keep feeling he probably had sex with this girl more than once, was seeing her or texting her secretly, or there are other women too. I'm not sure if he has been with another woman physically during our marriage or not, but here is my question...

Could you get past this and continue your marriage?

How would you work this out?

Is it really a big deal if it was before marriage?

I'm torn because of my emotions...on the one hand he never owned up to his mistakes, he is clearly immature, and has never been honest with me. This makes me want to separate or divorce him now while I can...but we do have a 3 month old son together...

I love him, but does he deserve my love? (Sorry for the long post...):crying:


----------



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

No. Go hire a lawyer and start the process. He won't change. Sorry.


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Agreed BOLT, this could cost you money in child support too!


----------



## Gllangel (Jul 6, 2014)

I'm currently a stay at home mother in a state that I'm unfamiliar with and we were moving to a new apartment this week. I don't have enough money for my own place and although my sister just moved here, I don't want to impose on her and her boyfriend... (I'd have to sign a lease with them and they'd need to switch apartments after just moving in...) Are lawyers expensive?


----------



## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Get out of this ASAP. You been married for two years, D should not be messy. This child support money will be a substantial amount. Why should you pay for his stupidity. Plus, he will cheat again.


----------



## Gllangel (Jul 6, 2014)

I don't know where to start and like I said, we have a shared bank account, but I do not have a job at this time. Can someone give me proper information for how to start the proceedings? Part of me wants to work on our marriage if the kid isn't his since it was before we got married...but that's stupid right..?


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Why would you stay with this "man"? He is a never, ever going to change, he has cheated on you multiple times and shows zero remorse. He was going to leave you in the dark about the fact that he shares a child with another woman! Your child has a half-brother or sister!

:wtf: Why on earth have you not kicked him out? You have been living a lie for your entire marriage. The fact that you married a man you knew was a cheater is on you, you need to work out the reasons yu settled for that right off the bat in some serious therapy. 

Get a lawyer and file for temporary spousal and child support, get a job fast because you can't count on this loser.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Can you contact the girl and find out the real story?
Anyway at this stage it sounds like your husband is a lying serial cheater and it is time for you to divorce him asap.
He will not change, to enter into marriage under this circumstances illustrates the type of scumbag he is, so sorry.
You are still young enough to have another relationship with someone who has enough respect for you to treat you properly.


----------

