# Is it me?



## Meg28 (Oct 18, 2017)

Hi everyone I need some advice long story short I've been with my husband for 9 years I'm 30 and he's 31 in the past 8 years I have found out he was on Craigslist backpage, was talking to a stripper, and on various hook up sites "well hello" this was throughout the years he claims he has never cheated but my gut tells me differently lately I get no attention his head is always in his phone "YouTube" and when he was on the other websites I obviously wasn't getting any attention I can't help but think there's something wrong with me I never feel good enough


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

If a guy trolls for women long enough, one will eventually bite. I'd lay odds he's currently cheating or has in the past.


----------



## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Meg28 said:


> Hi everyone I need some advice long story short I've been with my husband for 9 years I'm 30 and he's 31 in the past 8 years I have found out he was on Craigslist backpage, was talking to a stripper, and on various hook up sites "well hello" this was throughout the years he claims he has never cheated but my gut tells me differently lately I get no attention his head is always in his phone "YouTube" and when he was on the other websites I obviously wasn't getting any attention I can't help but think there's something wrong with me I never feel good enough


I promise it's him and not you.

How did you deal with his past indiscretions?

Is his phone password protected?

More often than not your "gut feeling" is right.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Yea he's probably cheating (or at least trying to). I don't know why. Why do you think you're not good enough?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It’s not you.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Not you for sure. Poor choices with going to back page. That is what is wrong here. Has he cheated? Maybe not yet but venturing to those pages is the road to cheating. You get no attention because your H is busy on back page. Take away the electronic toys and ask you H to join in on the marriage.


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Meg28 said:


> Hi everyone I need some advice long story short I've been with my husband for 9 years I'm 30 and he's 31 in the past 8 years I have found out he was on Craigslist backpage, was talking to a stripper, and on various hook up sites "well hello" this was throughout the years he claims he has never cheated but my gut tells me differently lately I get no attention his head is always in his phone "YouTube" and when he was on the other websites I obviously wasn't getting any attention I can't help but think there's something wrong with me I never feel good enough


it is definitely not you.

it is something with him.

he would hate it if you had an A.


But he would know how you feel.

would he pay for affair recovery sessions?

have him go to MC with you. Get the communication going.

hope you get some answers.


----------



## Meg28 (Oct 18, 2017)

Thanks everyone for being so nice this is my first time on a site like this. I feel not good enough bc I try so hard I make sure the house is spotless all the time I cook dinner for him every night I go to the gym so I don't let myself go I have sex with all the time so to answer your question on why I feel like I'm not good enough is bc I try so hard to make my husband happy but if he's on other sites looking for women he must be trying to find something better. And no he dose not have a passcode on his phone and to answer the other question on how I delt with it in the past was I forgave him bc he denied everything and said he was only looking and that he thought twice.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Meg28 said:


> Thanks everyone for being so nice this is my first time on a site like this. I feel not good enough bc I try so hard I make sure the house is spotless all the time I cook dinner for him every night I go to the gym so I don't let myself go I have sex with all the time so to answer your question on why I feel like I'm not good enough is bc I try so hard to make my husband happy but if he's on other sites looking for women he must be trying to find something better. And no he dose not have a passcode on his phone and to answer the other question on how I delt with it in the past was I forgave him bc he denied everything and said he was only looking and that he thought twice.


Please don't get your self worth from other people. Besides that you deserve better. You married very young, this is probably the only serious relationship you have ever had. Let me tell you it doesn't have to be like this. I would give him the come to Jesus moment he deserves. Frankly I really hate it when decent people get stuck with people like your husband. It's a terrible waste.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Meg28 said:


> Hi everyone I need some advice long story short I've been with my husband for 9 years I'm 30 and he's 31 in the past 8 years I have found out he was on Craigslist backpage, was talking to a stripper, and on various hook up sites "well hello" this was throughout the years he claims he has never cheated but my gut tells me differently lately I get no attention his head is always in his phone "YouTube" and when he was on the other websites I obviously wasn't getting any attention I can't help but think there's something wrong with me I never feel good enough


 Its not you its him, acting very badly. People don't go onto hook up sites unless they want to hook up. Why do you stay with this man who has either cheated or who clearly wants to cheat? He clearly has no intention of being faithful or treating you with love and respect. HE is the problem, not you.


----------



## Loveless17 (Oct 16, 2017)

It's not you! I had a guy friend who was comfortable enough to share lots of things about his life and one thing he said is that he loved his wife bit needed more, so he would go on to Craigslist and after numerous attempts he'd get one to bite. He'd sleep with her and his wife but his wife never knew. Then each time the affairs ended, he go right back on Craigslist to find new partners. Very sad situation but I learned much about the type of men who cheat. It has nothing to do with the wife.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Meg,

I would guess your WH is a serial cheater, and it has nothing to do with you, serial cheaters just enjoy cheating and see nothing wrong it it. The multiple dating sites is a tip off they actively search for an affair partner. This is different from a situational cheater say a person who slowly develops feelings for someone and doesn't notice until it's too late.

Many serial cheaters like to have a spouse to make money, pay bills, clean, cook and be there for him when his latest affair goes sour. 

You need to investigate and snoop to find out what he is doing, and then bust it wide open.

Do not let him know you are on to him you need to nail this one good and make an airtight case he cannot manipulate you into thinking it is something else.

A serial cheater is often a very convincing liar and has a story for everything, they are a special category of con men.

Tamat


----------



## Meg28 (Oct 18, 2017)

Is anyone on here in a similar situation? Anyone wanna be my friend? I need a friend?


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Meg you wrote, *Is anyone on here in a similar situation?*

Please read some of the threads here and what you will find is that serial cheaters follow a script which varies somewhat from cheater to cheater but usually only in the less important details. Your WH is just like many many others. They tell amazingly similar lies for example.

Tamat


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Meg28 said:


> Is anyone on here in a similar situation? Anyone wanna be my friend? I need a friend?


*Rest assured, @Meg28 ~ that all of us here at TAM are your friends. We’ve all been in similar situations and have greatly confided in each other to help each other out!

Welcome to TAM! Your problem is now our problem!*


----------



## Meg28 (Oct 18, 2017)

Thank you


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes, it is you.

His behaviour is his to own but your part is that your low self esteem allowed you to marry and stay with a low quality man. Why? He may well have picked you because he is a bully and sees you as a weak victim.

Get some professional help, get your self esteem in order and do not start another relationship until you are whole.

Harsh but realistic.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I don’t understand why you’d use an avatar that is either showing your own face or some innocent bystander’s, on a site like this.


----------



## ruffneckred (May 11, 2016)

I have a unique perspective for you Meg28, I was /am similar to your husband. I don't / haven't cheated on my wife but in hindsight I cheated her by denying participation in the marriage / family things. I don't have a defined reason and please realize reason and excuse are not interchangeable. Raising a family was a scary thing to me. It was easier to turn to the internet, flirt without follow through was something I knew and knew well. Many on this site will scream Cheater! Divorce! but you have to choose what is right for you.


----------



## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

Definitely not you.

Totally agree with everything @TAMAT said. Cheaters are incurable. Catching them out in a lie often makes no difference to them. They have a bag of lies and deceptions to try to get out of it.

You know!

They know you know, they just don't care.

They convince themselves that what they believe is right and what they do is perfectly justified.

Do your snooping (or just get out). Someone else on this site (can't remember who off the top of my head) suggested the book 'Never Be Lied To Again' by David J. Lieberman. I'd get it myself, but the bookshops don't seem to have it and I don't want to leave a paper trail by ordering it online. You can view it at https://www.slideshare.net/tuknov/never-be-lied-to-again-19104072 though the writing is a bit small unless you can download it.

By the way, why the Banned notice?


----------

