# Lack of sex is killing our marriage



## sweet lisa (Sep 13, 2013)

I don't understand. I have not gained weight, or grown green skin, yet my husband of 4 1/2 years is not interested in Sex. 

He lusts after other women, most very young. He is nearly 50 and satisfies himself while thinking of other young girls. He gives away his sexual power to women he thinks might "do it" with him. 

I am now angry, and spend most days hating him. Once a month isn't enough for anyone. I don't think he is having an affair, except in his mind. I'm at my wits end. He only works 5 hours a day, takes a nap, and then goes to bed at 9 or 9:30P, and is always to tired. 

It makes me feel terrible. My self-esteem is severely lacking at this point. I'm an emotional mess internally, but hide it from everyone. I am angry all the time. 

There is so much to say, the lieing, lack of sex, lack of being able to talk about it. When I try and broach the subject, he gets angry, and combative, and changes the subject to something he feels I have not done around the house. I work full time, yet still have a sexual drive. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I've noticed that it is now affecting my ability to sleep, and mostly my self esteem. 
I am not allowed or encouraged to have friends, yet he has intimate friendships, that I am not involved in, with the opposite sex, and his male friends. I am not allowed to ask about work, or how his day was, that is to invasive. I hope someone has some advice on how to repair this, or I will not be able to stay in this marriage. 

I'm so sad, and depressed about this.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sorry you are here under these circumstances. 

When you say you are "not allowed" to have friends or talk to him, hopefully you are just saying that...no adult is "not allowed" to do anything they want. So in effect, you want to allow him to appear to control you....or you would just do what you want.

Communication in marriage is necessary. Without it you will likely end up divorced. Sounds like a lot of communication would be needed to work through these issues.

How long did you date before you married? If you rushed into marriage without knowing him well, then a lot of the problem was that.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If he's lusting after women, he's interested in sex. Maybe he has the interest but his ability to perform is better in his mind than here in the real world. Even old, lame dogs dream about chasing rabbits. He can fantasize every night and no imaginary woman is going to expect him to rise to the occasion.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

OP,
I am not allowed or encouraged to have friends, yet he has intimate friendships, that I am not involved in, with the opposite sex, and his male friends. I am not allowed to ask about work, or how his day was, that is to invasive.

This above is the reason I am responding to your post.
This says way more than the lack of sex.
Even if you were doing it like rabbits, why would you settle for that?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

if he is 50 and lusting after younger women sounds like he is going through a middle age male crisis of confidence. men of a certain age often start acting like adolescent boys. For some it is a momentary crisis often resolved by buying some silly young man clothes and a home gym and maybe some sporty car. But for others it can end up with a silly affair that destroys much more. 
Have a party with a mix of people of all ages and make sure there will be plenty of younger men for the younger women and maybe he will see how foolish he is being when the young women flirt with the young men and not him.
Unless your hubby happens to be well off financially or in some position of prestige or stunningly handsome in which case he might catch the eye of some young thing for a fling. Then beware.
But based on what you've written, it sounds like he is an average joe going through the average midlife crisis.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

50? Always tired? Doesn't want sex? Do you know his T levels?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

was he this way when you dated ?

I don't know how long your discussions go before he starts to get bad if and how easily you give up . is controlling everything and you back down. you have to be willing to fight and stand up for yourself . if you have to be repetitious and say the same thing over and over again then that's what you have to do .

if you ask him a question and he answers a different question ask in the original question again . but don't let him control the conversation .

but somewhere in there you're going to have to take a stand and tell him that the current situation is not acceptable and if it doesn't change then you'll be seeking a divorce . he has to know that you're serious and that you're not going to back down .

but the thing about having outside relationships .... when you say not encouraged you really need to actively discouraged ? if so how does she discourage you ?

why does he only work 5 hours a day ? are you the main support ?

it seems like you marry a lemon . so while you fight for what you want to be prepared to walk away . that means getting yourself physically and mentally healthy and developing relationships outside of home . 

you take away his power if you are independent. 

Plus so much time on his hands he's probably up to no good .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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