# Help with trust problems-please read!



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I have major trust issues with my husband. He has not yet done anything for me not to trust him, so it is not fair. It is driving a wedge between us....Mr.G feels that I am trying to sabotage our loving marriage because I have been abused. My therapist says that I have one foot out the door all the time.

I know that it is not fair not to distrust such a loving and faithful man. I have only seen husbands who proudly sleep around; NONE of the husbands in my family of origin were faithful. Some even had babies outside of their marriages. My mother trusted my father and he was having an affair for more than 10 years. 

How can I learn to trust my husband, when I believe that all men cheat? Intellectually, I am well aware that not every man can be a cheater. My heart is not so sensible and expects all men to be unfaithful. I can't help it, such thinking has become part of my mentality. 

For example, my best friend's boyfriend is away most of the week working. I can't help but think he couldn't possibly be true to her...I told my best friend: "Men who often travel for work always have some trim on the side. They have stupid wives who trust them."

How can I learn to trust?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm probably not one to give advice here since I cheated, but I really think you have a valid psychological reason to feel the way you do.

having said that, it's YOUR issue and you have to address it. Professional help is probably the only way to do that. Otherwise, your mistrust will just drive a wedge between you and your husband.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> I have major trust issues with my husband.


Why does he trust you?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mrs. G.... I wonder if your trust issues also stem from your dad cheating on your mom. 

Thing is, if your husband hasn't given you a reason not to trust him, you should trust him. A lack of trust can ruin a relationship badly. 

Maybe you could talk to your husband & tell him that the past has effected how you feel now but you don't want it to cause a strain in your relationship.

Love is a gamble, every time. There are no guarantees.

I don't think all men cheat but lately I wonder. I know that makes no sense.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If you hammer at him all the time, eventually he will. If you tell him he's guilty of it anyway, then why not? Some of us have a moral compass, you know.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My father cheated, one of my brothers cheated, my ex cheated! 

I have the concept that most men cheat, it runs in their genes and it is culture, in both eastern and western cultures, a lot of men cheat! 

And successful men tend to cheat! They are more confident and they are being surrounded by women who are after their wealth, fame, and power. 

My husband and I have been together for eight years, for heaven's sake, I never doubted him. One big reason, we spend time 24/7 together, if we don't work, we are at home together, no matter where we go, we go together! We have never been away from each other for a single day! And this is another big reason, he has strong self-control ability, his religion helped him a lot! Third reason, we have a very happy and content life together, I am striving to be a wonderful wife, he has nothing to complain about me! 

And Zen teaches not to worry what might happen and what might not happen, very often what we think might happen never happens, let all the worry wear us down and disturb our life is not a wise thing for us to do. 

Cherish what we have, focus on what we have, do our best to build up a happy life, work on what we can control ( like being a good wife and good woman), ignore what we can't control ( like what is going to happen in the future. )


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Men can get sex easily, but they can't get sex with love easily! 

Having sex with the woman you love is different from having sex with random women. 

If you have something he can't get elsewhere, he is grounded!


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Your husband and therapist are right. Your abuse and FOO issues are making it difficult for you to be truly intimate with your H. This is not uncommon at all and I give you credit for trying to work on this with a therapist. You are not alone!

The way it has been explained to me by my therapist is this - when we are children, we develop ways of coping with the bad things that happen to us (parents not nurturing us, or being abused, or with controlling parents, etc.) and these coping skills are SO HELPFUL when we are kids because they help us survive when we aren't old enough to protect ourselves or get away.

These childhood coping skills stay with us into adulthood. But as adults, we become capable of protecting ourselves in a way that was not possible when we were little (we can move away from abusive parents, choose only certain people to be in our lives, etc.), so those childhood coping mechanisms which were so helpful when we were little become OBSTACLES in our adult life. These coping mechanisms can be referred to as "parts of the self". 

The parts of the "self" that make up each person are all good intentioned and are all working for the good of the whole self. So we have to work to train those parts of the self (in your case, the part that isn't allowing you to get too close to anyone) that are getting in the way of your adult life to take on a new role. In other words, the part of you that keeps up walls needs to be trained to let them down in certain relationships (your marriage).

This is the basis for my work with my therapist, along with self- compassion. It has been amazing in the 8 months I've been doing therapy and it's been life-changing in the best way.

You have to learn to love yourself enough and to be self-compassionate enough to trust yourself. When you do that, you will then learn how to trust your husband.

I wish I had a simple answer, but it's not a simple situation.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> I have major trust issues with my husband. He has not yet done anything for me not to trust him, so it is not fair. It is driving a wedge between us....Mr.G feels that I am trying to sabotage our loving marriage because I have been abused. My therapist says that I have one foot out the door all the time.
> 
> I know that it is not fair not to distrust such a loving and faithful man. I have only seen husbands who proudly sleep around; NONE of the husbands in my family of origin were faithful. Some even had babies outside of their marriages. My mother trusted my father and he was having an affair for more than 10 years.
> 
> ...


OK, I know I'm probably going to curl a lot of toes here but I want you to honestly think about this.

Is it really that big a deal if he does? Don't knee jerk react. Think it through logically. Is life really over just because your spouse rubbed crotches with another person. Is rubbing crotches together really a sin worth destroying home and family over?

I don't condone cheating, however I have always felt that as a people, we have blown cheating way, way out of proportion. Its not murder, Its not child molestation, but people act as though it is. 

If he does get a girlfriend, what are the real disadvantages to you? He picked you, so he has good taste in women. So you know the girl wont be a disease ridden skank. So the chances of him bringing home a disease really aren't much higher than when you were back in your dating years. Also, men seldom leave their wives for their girlfriends, unless the wife is unusually bad or the marriage is in trouble. 

Now, I'm not saying to open your marriage. Im simply asking you to realistically think about this thing that you are terrified of. You have allowed the fear of this to become the center of your life. Think about it, would a typical affair really be a life destroying event?


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

I have a longtime friend who’s favorite line of advice is, “Girlfriend, all men cheat.” I never paid much attention when comments like that flowed from her mouth. I wanted to believe those actions where typical of just the guys she was with, and not the man I married. Guessing now I should’ve knocked myself down off that pedestal of denial awhile back.

I want to believe there are men who have the same morals I do, especially when it comes to cheating. Having an affair is an unacceptable behavior. I tend to shut down any interest from a guy if he fits the “Cheater” image I have now derived in my little brain. I realize that is unfair to many men. Once you have been emotionally destroyed, you can develop some pretty harsh survival skills. 

I often have days where I feel so harsh inside, I wonder how any man could see me as beautiful outside. Probably why I’d rather be friends with guys also. Keep them at arms length, and they can’t really hurt you. It’s not healthy, but in this lifetime, I’ve had my share of heartache for now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

rikithemonk said:


> Is it really that big a deal if he does? Don't knee jerk react. Think it through logically. Is life really over just because your spouse rubbed crotches with another person. Is rubbing crotches together really a sin worth destroying home and family over?
> 
> I don't condone cheating, however I have always felt that as a people, we have blown cheating way, way out of proportion. Its not murder, Its not child molestation, but people act as though it is.
> 
> Think about it, would a typical affair really be a life destroying event?


Has your wife ever cheated on you?


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## Looking4Solution (Jun 14, 2011)

All men don't cheat. I've never cheated not even on a GF. I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want done to me.

My wife was like you in the beginning,drove us a part for a year. I also realized at this time from her the reason was I didn't pay her enough attention when we went out. Not sure if it was her wanting me to be clingy to her but I have to admit I'd get drunk and I talk to everyone and might not have been as attentive to her as I should have been.

If a man is getting what he wants at home he definitely won't cheat if he isn't then its more likely he will,just how long it takes him to cheat is the question. I've been faithful for 19 years but the sex has gotten to the point of once a year over the past 8 years. I still haven't cheated but I have a thread asking if its still considered cheating under those circumstances.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore said:


> I have a longtime friend who’s favorite line of advice is, “Girlfriend, all men cheat.” I never paid much attention when comments like that flowed from her mouth. I wanted to believe those actions where typical of just the guys she was with, and not the man I married. Guessing now I should’ve knocked myself down off that pedestal of denial awhile back.
> 
> I want to believe there are men who have the same morals I do, especially when it comes to cheating. Having an affair is an unacceptable behavior. I tend to shut down any interest from a guy if he fits the “Cheater” image I have now derived in my little brain. I realize that is unfair to many men. Once you have been emotionally destroyed, you can develop some pretty harsh survival skills.
> 
> I often have days where I feel so harsh inside, I wonder how any man could see me as beautiful outside. Probably why I’d rather be friends with guys also. Keep them at arms length, and they can’t really hurt you. It’s not healthy, but in this lifetime, I’ve had my share of heartache for now.


Its not just the men. My wife had an affair while I went almost ten years true to her. When I found out I really analyzed my feelings about it. Putting things into perspective was my first step. She didn't drown my daughter, or spend our life savings, or anything serious enough for me to walk away from my marriage for. It was just sex and being secretive about it. Once I did that. I realized things weren't quite so bad as they looked. 

So you cant say its only men.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If it's just sex then is it just marriage? Just a piece of paper?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Riki: you may not have seen it was as big of a deal to end your marriage over but a lot of people will think so. It's a personal belief.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> If it's just sex then is it just marriage? Just a piece of paper?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Great question. 

You know what. I'm staring at the message screen unsure of what to write. I'm stumped. (What is the difference between sex in a marriage and sex in a friends with benefits situation?) There are different feelings involved. I would never be a close with a friend as I am with my wife. Its different sex too. Humm.....I know the answer, I'm just not sure at all how to put it down on paper. Ill think about it. I would ask my wife's opinion since she has seen both sides, but that conversation might turn odd.

But my point was that people can have affairs for years and have it do zero damage to the relationship. In Italy there was a news story about Italian women demanding their husbands get Girlfriends, to lessen the demand for sex and give the wife more time to her self. I thought that was an amusing outlook on things. 

The thread starter basically says her obsession on cheating has become so central to her life, that its affecting everything of importance. My point was to point out that it may not be as bad as She thinks. her thinking was disproportionate.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Riki - I somewhat get your point, but I think you are way off on a few things. I know a few women who are good people, come from good families, and whose husband's cheated on them. They both got STDs from that...one has herpes, which never goes away.

Most marriages survive infidelity, and many go on to have even stronger marriages. However, going through an infidelity is so, so hard. Cheating is not just about the physical act of "rubbing crotches" in fact, it is much more about the lack of honesty and trust that is so devastating. When your spouse cheats, and you find out, you think about all the lies that were told to cover it up, all the times when you were intimate and your spouse had just been with the OP. You question your own judgement. You think that if someone you love and trusted could be so deceitful to you, then how can you ever rely on anyone to ever be there for you? You question your whole relationship and with good reason. You begin to wonder..."Did he really mean that when he said it or was he lying?" 

That is why cheating is a big deal.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

rikithemonk said:


> Cheating is not just about the physical act of "rubbing crotches" in fact, it is much more about the lack of honesty and trust that is so devastating. When your spouse cheats, and you find out, you think about all the lies that were told to cover it up, all the times when you were intimate and your spouse had just been with the OP. You question your own judgement. You think that if someone you love and trusted could be so deceitful to you, then how can you ever rely on anyone to ever be there for you? You question your whole relationship and with good reason. You begin to wonder..."Did he really mean that when he said it or was he lying?"
> 
> That is why cheating is a big deal.


Agreed. It's the betrayal that is worse than the act (and the act is bad enough).


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Why does he trust you?


My husband trusts me because I have not given him any reason not to trust me. He knows that I am so glad to finally be in a healthy relationship; I couldn't compromise what we have to chase kock. I am past that stage.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Mrs. G.... I wonder if your trust issues also stem from your dad cheating on your mom.
> 
> Thing is, if your husband hasn't given you a reason not to trust him, you should trust him. A lack of trust can ruin a relationship badly.
> 
> ...


Bingo!! My father's infidelity drove a knife into my heart; it was his fall from grace in my mind. It also helped me see him as a normal and fallible human being, not SuperDaddy.  

I have told my husband why I do not trust. He says that he is not my father, my uncles and my brothers.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> My father cheated, one of my brothers cheated, my ex cheated!
> 
> I have the concept that most men cheat, it runs in their genes and it is culture, in both eastern and western cultures, a lot of men cheat!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He can't be your biggest disappointment, only your greatest love.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And your hubby's right--he isn't your dad, uncles or brothers. 

Trust your husband til he gives you a reason not to. Constant jealous and suspicion and lack of trust can really really ruin a relationship.

My ex was like that and it made me resent him. I would feel guilty for even talking on the phone to girl friends cause he always thought I was talking w/ a man. I curbed a lot of my personality just to placate him and felt guilty or wrong even if I was doing something as simple as going to the bookstore. You really need to get it in check cause it can have really bad effects on your relationship with your hub. 

I don't doubt your father's infidelity prob skewed your trust in men. Fathers are supposed to lead by example. But ya know what... your dad isn't your husband.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> Your husband and therapist are right. Your abuse and FOO issues are making it difficult for you to be truly intimate with your H.  This is not uncommon at all and I give you credit for trying to work on this with a therapist. You are not alone! Thank you lovey. I refuse to be damaged for the rest of my life. I spent many years just surviving and trying not to get beat up. Now it is time for me to LIVE!
> 
> The way it has been explained to me by my therapist is this - when we are children, we develop ways of coping with the bad things that happen to us (parents not nurturing us, or being abused, or with controlling parents, etc.) and these coping skills are SO HELPFUL when we are kids because they help us survive when we aren't old enough to protect ourselves or get away.
> My therapist says this too.
> ...


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I often think that in the end, you just have to let go and realize that there are a LOT of things that you can't trust. You just make your best choice and enjoy what you have while you have it. I mean really, what guarantees DO you have? Do you have a guarantee that there won't be anything else "wrong" with him? (Seriously, if you do, I wish all to heck I'd bought that policy!) You can choose to spend your life worrying about whether he'll cheat, or gamble, or drive too fast, or have some dread movie-of-the-week drama pop up somewhere, or you can accept that you can't plan life, you made what sounds like an absolutely incredible choice in a husband and move forward as far as the two of you can into the sunset.

I think we all move out of our comfort zones when we get married. I had to learn to sleep in a bed with another person. I still take any chance I can get to have my own bed. Sharing money absolutely terrifies me. And all of this is after 10 years with my husband! But you either do it, agree you can compromise on part of it, or decide you're better off alone. If your husband isn't willing to be interrogated and searched on a regular basis for "evidence" in order to compromise, and you aren't better off alone.....then you have to just do it. One day at a time. 

My personal solution is boatloads of sleeping pills, but that probably doesn't work for jealousy....just that whole sleeping with other people in the bed thing...:rofl:


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I do *not *interrogate or search my husband.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> I do *not *interrogate or search my husband.


 

And very few of us end up living movie-of-the-week type dramas either...but you get my point, right? 

And besides.....who said the occasional strip-search couldn't be fun??


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I get it, lovey. Just taking the piss. 

I do this thing where I pretend to be a psychotic jealous wife...he loves it! I say: "Look here, mistah....you tell me dat you went to da store. I tink you went to get some poontang. Drop yer pants...lemme smell yer d*ck!" :rofl: It usually results in sex or a blow job. :smthumbup:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Do whatever the angry Jamaican woman says......


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Do whatever the angry Jamaican woman says......


Yeh mon! :rofl: Drop yer pants too! :smthumbup:


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> I get it, lovey. Just taking the piss.
> 
> I do this thing where I pretend to be a psychotic jealous wife...he loves it! I say: "Look here, mistah....you tell me dat you went to da store. I tink you went to get some poontang. Drop yer pants...lemme smell yer d*ck!" :rofl: It usually results in sex or a blow job. :smthumbup:


I figured--but you know how interwebz are....can't always get the smarta$$ across as well as in real life! More's the pity, because I'm REALLY good at that!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mrs.G said:


> I have major trust issues with my husband. He has not yet done anything for me not to trust him, so it is not fair. It is driving a wedge between us....Mr.G feels that I am trying to sabotage our loving marriage because I have been abused. My therapist says that I have one foot out the door all the time.
> 
> I know that it is not fair not to distrust such a loving and faithful man. I have only seen husbands who proudly sleep around; NONE of the husbands in my family of origin were faithful. Some even had babies outside of their marriages. My mother trusted my father and he was having an affair for more than 10 years.
> 
> ...


Mrs G, here is my take on this one. If you married one of these nicer men, on the shy side, introverted, not the life of the party type, not flirting with strange women at the drop of the hat, VERY GIVING, attentive, patient, kind, "there" when you are sick, or just want to be held (just noticed your post on Trenton's thread-beautiful), loving always, kisses in the morning, hugs throughout the day, words of adoration -and from all that you have said on this forum that I have caught , he seems to fit this profile --This sounds so much like MY dear husband--does this right here not prove he is a breed ABOVE the rest? 

I probably have more faith in men because of the way My husband IS , I am accually biased towards men , my perception is likely fogged cause of what I live with day in and day out, 
plus most of my friends have wonderful faithful husbands as well. Few cheaters in our families also. 

My dear husband waited till he was 25 yrs old to have sex with me, never badgered me, never hurt me, never left me -even when I went off to date someone else. The man thought masterbating was cheating while married, and he didn't do it-even though he would have loved to have sex 2 times a day in those earlier years & we only did it about once a week, or on schedule to conceive. (I learned this a couple yrs ago- I had no idea he felt this way!). 

I also asked him -- what If I cut sex out all together, would he fall into cheating on me, he said NO- Never, he could never cheat, he told me he is the type who could never have sex with someone without love. He even said he would still stay married because he loves me, I told him he was CRAZY & if the situation was reversed I would "fall", that would not be working for me AT ALL. He did say he would not be happy but he would still stay married. 

Some may call me a fool but I believe his every word -because of his history & the way he treats me daily. He has never lied to me since I have met him at age 15, he is probably one in a million. I KNOW GOOD FAITHFUL MEN EXIST. My oldest son is like him - 20 yrs old, still a virgin, he will only be with one woman, it is how he believes, it is how he lives. Some men have amazing integrity, they Love & cherish with ALL their hearts & only have eyes for ONE woman, and would die before they harmed her. 

Rosy Palms is the only woman after me -if he was in need of a release - this is what he tells me. 

Anyway Mrs G-- with as much sex as you give your husband -he has to be as dry as the desert sand, even if he thought about it, he wouldn't have any seed left ! 


What we have seen & been raised with CAN have a profound effect on us, but we CAN change our mindsets!!! Understand this is what is holding you back from the FREEDOM to TRUST --it is not reality, it is simply your mind & ingrained beliefs, revolving in your head for years & years. PLus what we see on Tv shoved in our faces daily, things we read here, but this is NOT all men.

As I understand - Your husband has given you zero reason or suspicion to prove otherwise in this area- right ? Then dare believe he is totally special, another one of those "one in a million" men and you are a lucky woman to have snagged him (which I am sure it is more like 40 in every hundred or so - I have no clue!) 

Read this Powers Consulting - Changing Your Mindset


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

*Superb Advice!*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Mrs G, here is my take on this one. If you married one of these nicer men, on the shy side, introverted, not the life of the party type, not flirting with strange women at the drop of the hat, VERY GIVING, attentive, patient, kind, "there" when you are sick, or just want to be held (just noticed your post on Trenton's thread-beautiful), loving always, kisses in the morning, hugs throughout the day, words of adoration -and from all that you have said on this forum that I have caught , he seems to fit this profile --This sounds so much like MY dear husband--does this right here not prove he is a breed ABOVE the rest? I am going to read that to my therapist.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

This thread is great,but so sad.. I am struggling with trust as well. I come from an abusive family and my husband has never done anything to merit distrust. My distrust has really hurt him, i think, and he is really frustrated by it.

What was said about being a child and having to develop defense mechanisms is so true, so true for me that sometimes i am hardwired to react even though i know it isn't my childhood anymore...I still want to cry and run into a closet when an argument starts, or victimize myself if he says something similar to what my father would say. 
It seems like such a tough, long road...I cry sometimes for the children who are living this way now. At least I am free.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> There are no cheaters in my husband's family. Anyone who does that better hide the infidelity very well-cheaters are frowned upon in his Scottish-English clan.


 This is a tremensously GOOOOOOOOOOD sign. I personally tend to look at a family's history in these things. It does not mean he will automatically fall in their footsteps but you are assured the 
childhood upbringing was there, values were taught, examples were made, his mindset is against such behavior, he likely could not look at himself in the mirror if he did such a thing. His beliefs, how he was raised --coupled with HOW wonderful he treats you - this is something to "REST" in. 

If you need to kick yourself in the butt sometimes cause these other thoughts start creeping in (out of sheer habit), then by all means, kick yourself ! Say to yourself every morning, when you lay yourself to bed at night - I am so blessed to have this beautiful man, let yourself know how special you are that he chose YOU. 


I "Rest" every day in these things -Since I have walked down that isle, I have never , not even for a second, had a doubt of my husband's faithfulness or if he could ever hurt me like that. I knew that I knew that I knew this man was the real deal, love me till his final breath type. 

But believe me, I TESTED him for 8 long years before I married him. I am not even sure his family even liked me (at 1st)! I was somewhat difficult, I came from a dysfunctional broken family, I had anger and trust issues myself, most especially "abandonment" worries, I was bi**hy, selfish, demanding, I gave him his ring back once, and he still put up with me! He seen something good I guess. His faith in me inspired me to have Faith in myself. He felt alone without me, I felt incomplete without him, but when we were together, we felt we could accomplish anything we set our minds too. 

*ELS*: I did not grow up with the best childhood either, I was an only child and my mother left me for an alcoholic (in my teens) & ran off to another state - I felt abandoned, and I had a very STERN step Mother who did not want me there , she did not even want her own kids, they still do not talk to her this day, but I do! Now we get along great. My friends, their parents were my refuge during that time, without them, I would have been a lonely mess. 

I was angry, I remember one point in my teen years, I hated ALL PEOPLE, they were ugly to me somehow, I remember praying when I was 15 to meet a wonderful guy who could take me away from all of this and there he walked into my life at the lunch table at my new school in 10th grade. I was jealous of his happy stable family at first. I had issues! But he remained, he put up with me, his love for me -showed me how to love myself. 

When you begin to see yourself differently -more confident in your own abilities-even these abilties to THINK differently, this is where you get those WINGS to leave your past behind. One thing you will always carry with you, is tremendous compassion & understanding for those who are going through it-as you was once there, this is ever so valuable for helping others. 

I have never seen a therapist or needed any kind of outside help to overcome my anger, just reading many books and having my husband by my side has been my "salvation" in this thing of overcoming dysfunctional thinking and past hurts. I always wrote or had someone to talk too, I never held things IN. I think this saved me also. 

I am not really sure where I would be today had I not met up with my husband & his INFLUENCE on my life, he was just what I needed. 

So to all you women who have a GOOD man beside you--but a SUCKY past full of hurt, pain, abandoment, abuse -whatever it was -that keeps you bound, keeps creeping in - recognize it, mentally PUSH that out, think on Good things (Phil 4:8 says : whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things). 

Concentrate on the here & now, what all you have accomplished together, memories that make you smile, Show your appreciation to this man who is there for you TODAY & remained by your side in you weakest craziest maddest most obknoxious moments - do something for HIM TODAY, knock his socks off - surprise him. 

The giving of ourselves to another, this shows we love ourselves. Dare to BELIEVE you can get overcome in this life -let go of that past, all things are new.


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

Simply, that's really beautiful. Your story is beautiful, as is your outlook. I wish i had realized this problem and tried to change it years ago, but now all I can do is move forward every minute, "kicking myself in the butt" when I have horrible, distrustful, thoughts. I have such bad trust issues that I cannot trust a therepist well and I would like to have the satisfaction of figuring this out on my own anyway...

Unfortunetely, my husband is quite pushed away at the moment...but I did tell him that I was committed to change and wanted to suprise him and myself with my new attitudes on trust. This thread is so helpful and is a great place to start.


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