# How did you all go on ?



## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

H moved out just over a week ago and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. To the point that it is making my physically ill. 

My worst times are when I know he is talking to woman. He is talking to 3 that I know of. The one that he had a EA with, and then 2 others that don't live in our town that he went to school with and has not talked to them in over 24 years. 

Right now he comes here to see the kids, comes every night for maybe 15 minutes and then leaves. Tonight I'm putting a stop to that cause the way I see it he is having his cake and eating it too. From now on he needs to take the kids to his place or he doesn't see them. I can't keep doing this.

The problem is I love him to death and I want this to work. He still doesn't want a Divorce he needs space and time to think. I can't see him coming back when he has all these woman to talk to. He swears that he won't become involved with them but I don't believe him he told me that when I found out about his EA that he didn't think it would go there. That they started talking cause they were both having problems in their marriage. And look where it ended. So how do I have faith that nothing is going to happen. 

I'm having a hell of a time dealing with this and when I think about these other woman I start to get mad and I call him and fight. I hate this, I need to let him go and in hope he will realize that we can do this. There is so much more then me , there is our children and our home. We could do so much together and have a god life but he doesn't see that all he sees is what I did to him 14v years ago when I had a ONS when we were apart. 

How did you all do this? How did you go on? And how do you work on yourself? 

All I know is that I'm a mom and a wife and I don't know how to look after me at all or do things for me !


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Affected me physically immediately.I was completely alone with my kids,had nobody to talk to.I made the choice to not tell anyone anything..big mistake.I suffered alone like i never imagined is possible.
The thing with me was that it was so unexpected that I had no time to prepare.He told me and left hour after that.I was completely devastated.Couldn't eat ,sleep, barely functioning. Lost crazy amount of weight and I was already pretty skinny.
Started getting a little better when I finally told my family and moved close to them,also found TAM. other than that i guess time helps...nothing else ... unfortunately. 


How can he blame you for something you did such long time ago,did he just find out?!



.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Well almost. Handing my newborn over to the surgeon so they could crack his chest open & operate on his little heart was harder. 

You have got to take it day by day, or minute by minute. Take care of yourself whatever you do. Read a book, bubble bath, take a walk, something, anything. 

Give him his space. Do not call him/text him. Why would he want to come back when you are nagging him, and these other women are not? You are going to make them look much more attractive than you. 
You need to make you look attractive. take care of yourself, appear to be happy. Look like the person he knows & does love. 

All easier said than done I know. Hugs to you


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I spent 2 months separated from my wife. Tried to keep up a 180. She needed time and space. Felt like I was falling apart after a few weeks. Fell into major depression the last few weeks, which is in my history and I knew would happen.

My story is very different from yours, but my story is in my profile if you haven't seen it.

I guess my answer is that I wasn't able to cope. I would have had to get medication if she hadn't agreed to move in.

MC and separation was the hardest thing I've ever done. Grad school is a joke compared to it.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Well almost. Handing my newborn over to the surgeon so they could crack his chest open & operate on his little heart was harder.
> 
> You have got to take it day by day, or minute by minute. Take care of yourself whatever you do. Read a book, bubble bath, take a walk, something, anything.
> 
> ...


Baby, I just read your first paragraph, and got goosebumps and cried.. I can't imagine what you went through.. bloody hell *hugs*

I agree with the rest it's spot on.

My H walked out and never turned back, we didn't even have a choice to sit down and talk to the kids, he left when they were in bed.. *sigh* I am still trying to do the above x


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Baby, I just read your first paragraph, and got goosebumps and cried.. I can't imagine what you went through.. bloody hell *hugs*


Now you know the reason for my username  Long term plan to get finished with nursing school & work in the NICU. It was life changing. He will need a transplant sometime, who knows when, just waiting for it to happen. And to think d!ckhead has gone off with POSOW...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Give him his space. Do not call him/text him. Why would he want to come back when you are nagging him, and these other women are not? You are going to make them look much more attractive than you.


This.

Glad to hear your bebe is ok


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

I dealt with it very badly, didn't see it coming, I understand some of the reason, lost weight, what was left turned to flab.
Didn't really start to pick up until 2 things, 
1) found TAM support from you guys & gals, turns out I wasn't alone after all !
2) my daughter started to kick my backside, and she is the only one who could get away with that !

As for talking to other women, thats all about ego boosting for him.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

babyheart...so that's what your nickname means ...hugs hunny...can not imagine...it must have been harder ,no other way.

yeah as crank says ...I would have needed serious meds had he not taken me back ,my anxiety was killing me .
But I have to say that I pretty much faked that i'm fine whenever we talked on the phone or when he would visit i was always dressed nice and smiled ,stopped begging a month after we separated.Stopped telling him I miss him and love him, gave him a deadline to decide YES or NO,I was not willing to wait for months.
BUT may be I was fortunate that I didn't have to see him all the time ,he lives 5 hrs away from me so since we separated I've seen him 2-3 times. If he was around a lot he would have seen a mess....I think.I believe it would have taken a lot more months to reconcile if we lived in the same town.


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## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

vivea said:


> Affected me physically immediately.I was completely alone with my kids,had nobody to talk to.I made the choice to not tell anyone anything..big mistake.I suffered alone like i never imagined is possible.
> The thing with me was that it was so unexpected that I had no time to prepare.He told me and left hour after that.I was completely devastated.Couldn't eat ,sleep, barely functioning. Lost crazy amount of weight and I was already pretty skinny.
> Started getting a little better when I finally told my family and moved close to them,also found TAM. other than that i guess time helps...nothing else ... unfortunately.
> 
> ...


No he didn't just find out. He knew the whole time and we were not even together when it happened. He was just here and we got in a huge fight cause I told him that I need to understand what he thinks. He told me before he moved out that he wanted his space and then we would see where it went from there. Now he just wants a D , I figure that is cause he is talking to a bunch of other woman! I let go as of tonight I have too. He will be eating his words when he sees me strong and ready to move on ! Then he is going to want to come back !


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jaded Heart said:


> Now he just wants a D , I figure that is cause he is talking to a bunch of other woman!


No doubt that is influencing his decision.

So let him go if he wants out.

Be strong and confident. Don't chase him.


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## rpriore (Jan 17, 2011)

I can feel everyones pain. My now ex wife told me the usual stuff 2 months ago, don't love you anymore wants a D etc.. etc..
I was totally devastated, tried everything under the sun to get her to work on things but it was a no go in her mind. This past Thursday was the final court date that finalized the D. I have been moved out for ! week and 2 days today, I had my 2 year old with me for the first week and he made me feel so full of good but he is with his mother for a few days and being home alone is almost impossible at times. I have been torturing myself at times by calling her wanting to know if there is someone else and so on, hell, this past Saturday 2 days after the D was final she had a celebration party and half of the people that went were some of my so called friends, that hurt me alot but I do feel better and I have faith that I will be better but it will take some time and this I know. If anyone ever needs to talk feel free to send me messag and I can give you my number, talking to a live person really helps me.
Rick


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