# Hanging out with people of the opposite sex



## bluemoon (Mar 23, 2009)

A bit of background - my husband and I are currently experiencing technical difficulties in our marriage  About 2 months ago he gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you line." Since then he has moved out, but continues to send mixed signals about wanting to keep working on our relationship. The jist of our issues are that he basically feels like I'm too clingy, plus we have 2 young children that we've put before our marriage, so our relationship has suffered. 

Today he asked me if it would be ok for him to have female friends. He emphasized that it would be friends only. I have no problem with him having female friends in general, but he wants to hang out with these girls (all coworkers) one on one. I just find this totally unacceptable, especially considering he has had an emotional affair (he claims it wasn't physical, but I don't know that I believe him) in the past that I'm STILL trying to "get over," AND the fact that we're working on our marriage. 

Am I being unreasonable here? I still haven't answered him as he asked via e-mail. I am afraid if I tell him "no," this will just be another reason for him to leave me. I don't want to "control" his life, this just scares me very much. 

Thank you in advance for any help!


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## SaxonMan (Apr 1, 2009)

He's putting you in an untenable position. No, you're not being unreasonable.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Yeah, I'd have to agree that no good can come from this while he is trying to figure out if he wants to stay in the marriage. It is just playing with fire.


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

Sounds like he wants out. It also sounds like there is a major trust issue. If there is any love left then counselling should be an option. Consider not putting children before marriage, they are two separate entities that should have balance with each other. 

If you suspect he had an affair without substantial proof then you have trust issues and are the one being unreasonable. If he called you clingy then you probably are. Step back and take care of yourself and your children's needs. Make sure there is a balance of parenting between you and your husband so that you can have time for yourself.

Give him space to breathe and take inventory of your behavior, men like a challenge and the chase. I am going to assume that you are still madly in love with him. Having been accused of being clingy is not a good thing. Try to be less controlling and more hard to get.

Good luck, I hope I wasn't too harsh.


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

also.. i'll chime in here...

if he wants space to determine how to proceed with the marriage . . that's ok.. BUT .. he wants to spend 1 on 1 time with female co-workers?? why not spend 1 on 1 time with you??

he's asking your permission for "another female distraction" and keeps sending mixed signals cuz he wants to string you along until he finds the right distraction, then he'll cut you loose.. if he can't find what he's looking for.. he'll come back to you..

get the idea?? as Chiki mentioned.. create some space, tell him you're not comfortable with him having 'female distractions' . . and concentrate on yourself and children. Allow him to chase you and court you again if he's feeling it..

i hope this helps
mike


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