# End of the rope



## 32064 (Dec 19, 2011)

Haven’t put anything on here in a long time. I just scan thru occasionally. Anyways, I like to see responses from unbiased people once in a while.
There’s been troubles in my marriage for a long time. Been together for 20yrs.

Before kids my wife would follow me anywhere, do anything and was fun. After kids she became slowly more selfish and became ambiliclly attached to her mother. As time went on my wife became entrenched with her family to the point that all holidays, vacations, and much free time was to be spent with her family. I had enough and made a few posts here and read NMMNG. I took action and stopped much of it not only for myself but for my daughters who I did not want to see turn into sheep following my wife’s drama drivin family.

Well, my wife cut much out after she realized I was serious but has increasingly resented me since. I dealt with it though.

There’s been more issues. She became a totally permissive parent. She cannot say NO. My teenage kids have no respect for her. She will tell them to do something 6 times and then explode. She says it’s my fault because I don’t repremand the disrespect. But I don’t because when I do get involved she turns into friend of the kids. 

Clean the dishes 10 times! Dad gets involved and whoop moms doing the dishes and says the kids have homework or something. She rarely checks grades and sometimes addresses poor performance. I usually do. I push sports and many other extracurricular activities AND have been voluntarily involved in every activity. I take them to church classes and made sure they learn and become members. My wife has not been involved much at all. I inadvertently make many local friends this way. She HATES it. To the point where I have been falsely accused of affairs many times. 

She likes to accuse thru the children. I once came home to my daughter and her friends laughing at me because mom had said I was out with my girlfriend a highly connected local woman who volunteers at one of the same activities as I do. These accusations continue to surface around anyone I communicate with locally. One of the worst and ongoing false accusations revolves around a woman who I’ve spent much time volunteering with. She is the sweetest hearted most positive and friendly ONLY woman. Her kid hangs with mine but my wife says I’m fu****g her since she communicates with me which is totally false. I just can’t stand my wife bashing perfectly good people. It’s not just a me and friend issues. I seem to be made to feel ****ty about many things I do. It’s awful weird. She can make me feel like I’m doing something wrong in just the way she questions the thing I do. 

Even mowing the lawn sometimes is questioned in a tone and condescending way that make me feel like I’m in some sort of wrong. Like I’m defending something that nobody would ever have to defend. I took up exercise, healthier eating and cut alcohol big time for a few years now and it’s been miserable dealing with her. I did this because my doctor basically said your going to die an early death if you dont. My wife made it clear that I started this because one of my GF eats healthy and I’m planning my departure for her. 

So doormat me decides ok I’ll get her involved. She won’t have anything to do with it yet complains that I don’t include her! I tried. I ask her to buy/cook healthier, nope same processed crap food fills the freezer and acts like I violated her by not eating the garbage. I get her exercise equip. Never uses it. Yet when I go out for a 15 mile run she wants to suddenly go and acts violated that I won’t take her. She can’t run but one block since she puts no effort into it like I do. I’ve managed to loose and keep 50+ pounds and plummet my cholesterol. My wife has NEVER said one word about the weight being gone. Just throws out a jab once in a while like I’ve done something wrong. She’s been on programs but just never follows thru to completion. What really burns me is the excuses she will come up with and condescending somewhat covert way she puts me down. 

Sometimes I’ll go down in the evening on the treadmill only to come up to all lights off doors locked all well before she actually goes to sleep. Just a way to say eff u for some reason. She would much rather I sit on the couch. She can go out with work people or whatever and I could care less. I go out with the “guys” and will pay with days of attitude and pouting. But, I don’t let any of this stop me anymore. Haven’t for a long time but What’s really strange is how she covers the truth publicly and lies to me or just keeps her opinions to herself. You have to pry it out of her or alcohol typically brings out truths but only to other people. I have to over hear it.

She seems to want me to kiss her ass which I will not do. I must say it seems to run in her family. Her parents and several relatives have attitudes of superiority over others.

On a positive note she is someone who can be chatty, interesting, and fun. She can hang out at a bar and be happy all night. Tends to keep busy at home and work but that’s all I can come up with. So, I’m just at an end here and wondering if most would have been gone long ago.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

The way I see it based on your post. You need to go back to NMMNG. You are still being a nice guy. a reluctant, albeit passive nice guy. You are still allowing your wife to dictate how's the relationship's dynamics are carry. Why are you still allowing her? Remember, you cannot control her, only how you respond to her, and it seems you still have not been able to find an effective way to deal with her. 

If there is no effective way to deal with her, why are you still wasting away your life with her? what does she has that you could not get with another partner?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your wife feels the need to out child the children. No. She is an adult. Have your wife watch this video:-


----------



## 32064 (Dec 19, 2011)

Rob_1 said:


> The way I see it based on your post. You need to go back to NMMNG. You are still being a nice guy. a reluctant, albeit passive nice guy. You are still allowing your wife to dictate how's the relationship's dynamics are carry. Why are you still allowing her? Remember, you cannot control her, only how you respond to her, and it seems you still have not been able to find an effective way to deal with her.
> 
> If there is no effective way to deal with her, why are you still wasting away your life with her? what does she has that you could not get with another partner?





Rob_1 said:


> The way I see it based on your post. You need to go back to NMMNG. You are still being a nice guy. a reluctant, albeit passive nice guy. You are still allowing your wife to dictate how's the relationship's dynamics are carry. Why are you still allowing her? Remember, you cannot control her, only how you respond to her, and it seems you still have not been able to find an effective way to deal with her.
> 
> If there is no effective way to deal with her, why are you still wasting away your life with her? what does she has that you could not get with another partner?


Thats easy, my kids. I witnessed what her mother did with her children after their divorce.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Krummer said:


> Thats easy, my kids. I witnessed what her mother did with her children after their divorce.


That's a cope out. If you feel that your wife will damage your kids, you consult with a family lawyer that can guide you as to what to do, how to gather the evidence needed for you to have primary custody, that's if you really have grounds that would stand in a court of law to demonstrate that your wife is not a fit parent. Moreover, it is always better that children have at least one stable loving parent in a separate environment, where they can discern where they stand with both parents, rather than living in a single, dysfunctional home where they will get no respire. Children are not stupid.

Unless, you are so financially strapped as to not being able to live independently, then you need to be able to neutralized your wife behavior; which after all these years you have not been able. Probably, you need the help of a licence marriage counselor and the help of a personal counselor. Good luck and be decisive.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Communicate with your wife, in a non emotional way, just as you have here.

if you’re not happy, and she won’t at least try to make some adjustments, start the d process. You are in a Mindset that makes you very susceptible to cheat. Be careful.

I personally think you and she would benefit from marriage counseling.

and I rarely think that.


----------

