# I dk not want to get complacent



## GoSoHosed (Apr 17, 2014)

I am 4 months from dday. I am still deciding if I want to stay in this marriage. My ww just wants to move on from this, aka rugsweeping. I keep cruising sites like this constantly and keep monitoring her which I seem to keep finding more tid bits of info since all I got was TT. I just do not want to get complacent and comfortable. I have heeled a tremendous amount since I was a mess. I wanted to wait to make such a permenant decision for when I was in a better state of mind and I would be able to handle the difficulties associated with it. I just fear I am getting compacent. Keeping the wound open a little keeps me remembering. Thoughts? Normal? Avoiding?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

GoSoHosed said:


> I am 4 months from dday. I am still deciding if I want to stay in this marriage. My ww just wants to move on from this, aka rugsweeping. I keep cruising sites like this constantly and keep monitoring her which I seem to keep finding more tid bits of info since all I got was TT. I just do not want to get complacent and comfortable. I have heeled a tremendous amount since I was a mess. I wanted to wait to make such a permenant decision for when I was in a better state of mind and I would be able to handle the difficulties associated with it. I just fear I am getting compacent. Keeping the wound open a little keeps me remembering. Thoughts? Normal? Avoiding?


Have you read the book "Surviving an Affair". It might be a good time to read. Does your wife know the things that a WS needs to do to earn back their trustworthiness? It does not sound like she knows or cares about that.

Perhaps a refresher for you by reading the book, then you put together a list of what you need from her... and see if she will turn around.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Did you get the whole story, timeline and all?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

GoSoHosed said:


> I am 4 months from dday. I am still deciding if I want to stay in this marriage. My ww just wants to move on from this, aka rugsweeping. I keep cruising sites like this constantly and keep monitoring her which I seem to keep finding more tid bits of info since all I got was TT. I just do not want to get complacent and comfortable. I have heeled a tremendous amount since I was a mess. I wanted to wait to make such a permenant decision for when I was in a better state of mind and I would be able to handle the difficulties associated with it. I just fear I am getting compacent. Keeping the wound open a little keeps me remembering. Thoughts? Normal? Avoiding?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry to hear your story. I can identify. You are not keeping the wound open just for the pleasure of doing so. You do not feel you have the whole truth, that your W is truly remorseful, or something else that is telling you that this case is not closed yet. Listen to that voice. In addition to Surviving the Affair there are many other good book recommendations to be found here that can help you get a handle on what that voice is trying to tell you. If you allow rugsweeping that voice will nag you for years to come. Four months is no time at all.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your old lady doesn't understand she needs to lay this all out on the table and let you know what you are forgiving her for.

And another thing is your old lady hasn't learned a damn thing about why she had it in her to betray and decieve some one she loves.

She is not owning be bull crap and you will never get over this until she does. Most likely down the road (years from now) she will do this again...if she hasn't already taken the current affair deeper underground only to resurface in a few more months.

We swept Mrs.the guys's first affair under the rug. She lasted 5 years before going back to the SOS!!!!

It wasn't until recently that she took a real good look in the mirror and faced what she had become.

I suggest that you inform your old lady that this issue must be faced head on and learned from so that you don't have to risk going thru this crap again.
Its time to do the heavy lifting on her part along with facing the painful consequence of talking this out with you and working/facing her demons. with out this kind of consequence then she will do this again.

I think one of the biggest consequences there are is when a wayward has to face the pain of talking to there betrayed spouse about what they have become and why.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Knowing that you risk going through this bull crap again should give the resolve to stay on her about getting some help and facing this infidelity with you.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

No point even thinking about R when all you get is TT.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I went through the same crap a long time ago...sweeping it under the rug just don't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was me that swept it under the rug and I'm sure Mrs. the guy appreciated it...so much so that she continued phucking around for years after her 1st affair.

I know something was up and it was even Mrs. the guy that walked out on her AP, to work for years on our marriage..only to go back with some other POS then another and another.

My point, the both of you must face this head on..right now!
If not then forget about it and just let her go, move on with out her, find a women that can commit and isn't afraid to face consequences when sh1t hits the fan.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

So, exactly WHAT is she doing to help you deal with the pain and betrayal? Is she remorseful, or just anxious for you to "get over it?" Sounds like she just wants you to rug sweep and then go back to being her whatever.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Rugsweeping is not a good sign. TT is not a good sign. Both are high indicators that your marriage is not going to mend.

She is setting the terms and is showing you no respect.


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