# Would like some feedback from fellow codependents...



## JensHere (Oct 14, 2010)

I've posted here before, but here are the cliff notes of my situation:

Married (common law) for 14 years. Husband was a pot smoker and drinker when I met him, he promised to quit when I got pregnant, never did. Started cheating on me early on in the relationship, I knew but never had proof. When I finally did have proof and presented it to him he couldn't give me a reason why he kept cheating. During all of this time his substance abuse moved on to painkillers (first buying them off the street, then finding a doctor to prescribe them, then being caught doctor shopping and cut off from prescriptions). To the best of my knowledge he hasn't cheated on me in the past couple of years, and isn't on any drugs, although he is drinking every day. He is emotionally absent, and shows signs of sex addiction (daily viewing of porn, emotionally vacant sex). 

Right after Christmas, I finally told him that I was very unhappy (have been for years), and that I didn't love him anymore dating back to his last affair. He was of course shocked that I mentioned I felt he had addiction issues and needed to talk to someone. He told me the only problem he has is pain (I don't believe it, I see it as drug seeking excuses). The night I told him that, he came to bed with me and started grabbing at me (his cue that he wants some). I went and slept on the couch, and every night since then he's been sleeping on the couch. He hasn't really spoken to me, and I can sense (from past experience) that he's just quietly waiting for all of this to go away like it always did.

I told him today that I had found an apartment (which I have, I'm putting down a deposit on Friday). He was shocked and suddenly interested in "making this work". He said he had planned on making a counseling appointment next month when he had a day off (a lie, but whatever). I told him next month was too late, and that I was keeping my move out date of Feb. 3, but if he would make an appointment today we could at least talk after the appointment. He's in the process of making an appointment right now.

To anyone who's had experience with addicts...should I take this sudden interest in making things work seriously? This would be his first time confronting his demons since I've known him, if he is indeed honest at the counseling session when he goes. I know what my heart is telling me, but I was at least hoping to hear from someone who may have gone through this.


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