# Wife rahter date girls than men.



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Some people think I am crazy due to my unconventional marriage. My wife is bisexual and has had a girlfriend for most of our marriage. She also only wants to date women, not men after I die. Not your regular marriage or wife. 

However, we fell deeply in love at first sight. Sounds corny but we were engaged 13 days after we met and have been very happily married for 46 years. My wife was a virgin at 19 when we met and had zero experience with sex, ZERO. No boyfriends/girlfriends at all and any thought of women were immediately buried as abominations against God. Meanwhile all my previous relationships were with bi women who I did not know were bi until well into the relationship. We cannot figure out why. My wife says that after sex with me they all turned gay. 

After we married we had a great sex life. My wife was an quick learner, would orgasm in under 3 minutes and had multiple orgasms until she was physically exhausted. She would try anything. Then she started to fantasize about sex with women, only women. One night our best friends asked us to wife swap. I left it up to my wife and thought it would be nice for her to experience sex with another man as she had nothing to compare it to other than me. Plus we were very drunk and stoned. She hated it. The guy was too rough and left her bruised and she never even came close to an orgasm. She said that she never wanted to have sex with another man but me and I was more than enough for her sexually. She was true to her word. I could not get her to have sex with another man. 


My wife could no longer repress her desire for sex with a woman. He fantasies were consumed with it. Yet, she did not want to cheat on me or even date a woman without me. Long story short she arranged me to have sex with her recently divorce, horny and depressed best friend. My wife initially did not take part. After she heard her friend scream out her orgasm (she had gone 8 months without), my wife entered the room to ask who died.  I invited my wife to join us and then asked her to express her love for her longtime friend in a physical way. She did, and that was when we both learned that her girlfriend had been with other women in College. That explains why they were very close friends since childhood but in our day no one dared come out.

We moved our girlfriend into our home and shared her for most of our marriage. The two girls never had sex with each other unless I took part. We slept in separate bedrooms and I am not exaggerating when I say we never even had a single argument due to our relationship. Later on our girlfriend got married and lived with us part time, with her husband's approval. Yes, people like us do exist, but we do not go around announcing it. I know that we were shocked to find out a lot of married couples were not in monogamous marriages.

I needed to get this background story out. I am the only male my wife will have sex with, date and be romantic with. However, she prefers sex with women outside of our marriage, but only if they will let me join in. Yeah, I know it is a big sacrifice going through marriage having threesomes all the time, but I put up with it. Those who know think I am crazy for not divorcing her. There are still so many people who deny that a person can be attracted to both men and women, maybe not equally and maybe not all the time. I do know that if I die before my wife, she is done with men and will date women only. I see nothing wrong with that but our friends who are also in their mid to late 60's think that is terrible.

For us, it has always been our normal life and the only one we knew as adults. We did, and still do, love our girlfriend very deeply despite not living near her anymore. We learned that it is possible to love more than one person. We do it every time with our families. We do not toss our dad aside when we love our mom, for instance. We always put our marriage and each other before all else. Just as we respected our girlfriend's marriage as her primary relationship, she felt the same about ours.

There are people who tell us that no matter if bi or not, you choose a spouse and disregard the need for exploring your sexuality. Some guys tell me that I should demand sexual fidelity from my wife even though it has never been an issue. She never dated or had sex with another women unless it was in threesome with me. I could not get her to have sex with her girlfriend without me. No exaggeration but if I left the bedroom, the two girls would stop what they were doing and chat until I came back into bed. No jealousy ever, and my wife cannot even conceive of sex with anyone else unless I was part of it. That has been tested and confirmed. FFM threesomes were our main form of sex for many years, and we miss that now that we are just a couple again. So much more can be done with three than 2. Plus having the love of two people is fantastic. 

Then there are the religious ones who think I should have divorced her as she offends God or that being bi is a choice. I write this because I just came back from a Psychiatrist visit and was told that the only problem is that I thought I had a problem. There is no one right way to live your life and since I am happy and content with the way my marriage went, I need to stop listening to what others think. It did not harm us in any way. It did not make me love my wife any less, and it did not make me jealous. In fact I love having a wife who enjoys girl watching with me. We have different tastes in women though. We are sill very much in love with each other.

I am feeling much better now. I know that how I feel is normal and I am not mentally ill. Also know that the way we chose to live our marriage was the right choice for us, and there is nothing wrong with loving more than one person as long as it does not destroy your marriage. Sexual fidelity was necessary at one time in the distant past when men did not want to waste their short lives and small amount of resources raising the child of another man. Women needed the man for protection and to provide food so she did not want her man to see other women for two reasons. The first was that at best her man would have to divide his time and resources among many families or that he would leave her to fend for herself. None of this matters anymore, but jealousy still is genetically implanted in us and it takes thousands of years to breed out these type of things and even then, only if they are detrimental to our ability to reproduce.

So what do you think? Do you believe like some of our religious friends that we are in an unholy union and are doomed to hell? Do you think that having a wife who prefers girls but loves me more than any of them, is perverted in some way? Interesting to get outside opinions since we are only coming out now with the more liberal views on non hetero people. In our day and age we both would have lost our families and friends if they found out. Even our jobs. Now it seems like no big deal. I will admit that when I was growing up and read stories like mine, I did not believe them. Now I am a believer having done most of the things I read about as a teen and young man. The problem with marriage is that we are handed monogamy with no alternative but divorce. You must first destroy all that you have built with your spouse before loving or having sex with another, even for one night only. I think our way is much better.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Love, passion, desire, partnership, it all comes unique to the individual and it's only up to those within a relationship to decide what boundaries they wish to live by. I know many people who live in what others might call "alternative" relationships, and they are some of the most happy, most openly communicative and appreciative people I know. So long as everyone is happy, safe and legally consenting, how someone chooses to express their love and life is purely up to the individual. Simply put, it's no one's business. 

I don't believe that sexual orientation is at all a choice and it's always broken my heart to hear, witness and personally experience the backlash and full-out prejudice some people feel entitled to wield. It's also always made me question why it is that love seems to be judged more harshly and more often than hatred.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

My thoughts are that you are one of the luckiest SOBs on the face of the earth. 

There's a reason whenever wars break out, people blow themselves up in a disco, fly planes into buildings etc etc it usually religious fanatics ........ and that is because they are pi$$ed off and frustrated and hate the universe. 

I certainly don't pretend to understand what makes women love who they love and feel sexual attraction for who they do. 

I had an old girlfriend that I believe did love and desire me. She wanted to get married and I really didn't and that caused a fair degree of stresses and resentments. I did cheat on her and that also understandably did cause some problems but she didn't kick me to curb for that. 

Then one day she met a female friend of a friend and in a couple weeks she was gone. 

We didn't stay in touch too much after that but I do know she was with a couple other women over the next couple years. That was 25+ years ago and we are Facebook friends now and I do know she never married and never had any kids but I do not know her actual relationship status. 

I also had a FWB (a swinging playmate)for a couple years and she and I had crazy sexual chemistry and she seemed to be very sexually enamored with me would say how hot she was for me etc. 

One time I said if she had any girlfriends she wanted to invite to join us that she could and I said I'd be cool with an MFM as well if she wanted to do that. 

It was quite awhile later but one day she did tell me that there was an openly bisexual gal at work and asked if I'd be ok if she invited her. I of course was fine with that and we worked out the logistics and got together one day and had a 4-hour marathon that would put porn stars to shame. 

Same thing. Within weeks they are a couple and my FWB pretty much completely dumped me. I don't begrudge her that. She was not relationship material but was really yearning for a relationship and this other gal was also single and had a lifetime of man-problems as well. So even though I am kinda bummed that I lost a FWB out of the deal, a part of me is kind of glad they each found someone for a fulltime relationship. 

I do think religious poisoning is part of my FWB's issues. I've known her for 35 years and while she was quite promiscuous at times, she never had a boyfriend, never had an actual relationship with a man and never married. She had had a relationship with a woman years ago but it sounds like that was kind of a trainwreck. The way she and this gal fell for each other, I do think her basic hardwiring is a lesbian but she had so much religious indoctrination that she too grew up with all this "abombination" stuff. 

My wife and I were very active swingers for quite a few years and while there were a few women that wife really enjoyed and was attracted to, she would never be confused with an actual bisexual. 

There were even swinger friends of ours that accused us a being fraudulent on our swinger's profile on the website we used because it listed her as bisexual. They would ask us why we listed her as bisexual and our reply was because she would have sex with other women when she wanted to. I finally started telling people who asked that she was "recreationally bi" in that she enjoyed the pleasurable touch and softness and beauty of other women and she would give and receive orgasms from them, but she just did not have that burning desire and yearning for women that the real bisexuals did. 

I would love to have a little harem or sister wives or whatever you want to call it, but either I am not hot and studly enough to keep two or more women or I simply did not chose the right women. The woman that wants to be with me isn't all that into chicks and the women that were into chicks left me for the other woman :-(


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I don't believe in hell or at least the traditional taught version of it. To me, it makes no logical sense that a God of love would be fine with burning his imperfect children forever for mistakes they made in a former life. Also, that He would have ransomed his sons his life to cover these ones sins that they are supposedly punished in hell for. What purpose does that serve if they are still gonna burn for mistakes made out of imperfection? What did the ransom do for them? Would I, as a very imperfect parent, ever burn my kid for one second as a punishment? Never. Should I believe a loving creator would burn His children forever? Well, I don't. Lastly, as the Almighty, I don't undestand why he would have some odd arrangement to work along with the devil, his arch nemesis, to hand over the bad ones to him to torture.:scratchhead: I'm probably not smart enough to get it. So to me, I don't think you are going to hell. 

For the rest of your post...I feel like you are not as truly comfortable with this as you are constantly claiming to be. I never reply to your posts because they are always the same, telling people about your wonderful life with your wife and girlfriend. How you are very nearly the best male lover ever, to those lucky women that have tried you out. Repeating it to everyone, over and over. Even if it doesn't really have anything to do with the OP. To me, it comes across as you are almost trying to convince yourself along with us that this is all sunshine and roses. People that are confident in themsleves and what they are doing don't spend much time trying to convince the world of this.

By all means, do what you want, with who you want, and have whatever moral code you want. Post whatever you want too. If you haven't already, you could consider putting your details in your profile and refer people there instead of posting the same thing to hundreds of situations and trying to make it fit your situation. I could very well be the only one that views your postings this way, so take it for what it's worth. I think your situation is still very rare, and if it has truly been this perfect that is even MORE rare, and I doubt that it is all becasue of the lifestyle choices you have made. Regardless of the fact that the world has changed and that much more is accepted now than was from when you were younger.

Just my .02 since you asked.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

What's there some particular advice that you wanted?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Spicy said:


> For the rest of your post...I feel like you are not as truly comfortable with this as you are constantly claiming to be. I never reply to your posts because they are always the same, telling people about your wonderful life with your wife and girlfriend. How you are very nearly the best male lover ever, to those lucky women that have tried you out. Repeating it to everyone, over and over. Even if it doesn't really have anything to do with the OP. To me, it comes across as you are almost trying to convince yourself along with us that this is all sunshine and roses. People that are confident in themsleves and what they are doing don't spend much time trying to convince the world of this.
> 
> By all means, do what you want, with who you want, and have whatever moral code you want. Post whatever you want too. If you haven't already, you could consider putting your details in your profile and refer people there instead of posting the same thing to hundreds of situations and trying to make it fit your situation. *I could very well be the only one that views your postings this way*, so take it for what it's worth. I think your situation is still very rare, and if it has truly been this perfect that is even MORE rare, and I doubt that it is all becasue of the lifestyle choices you have made. Regardless of the fact that the world has changed and that much more is accepted now than was from when you were younger.
> 
> Just my .02 since you asked.


To the bolded....no, you are not.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> Some people think I am crazy due to my unconventional marriage. My wife is bisexual and has had a girlfriend for most of our marriage. She also only wants to date women, not men after I die. Not your regular marriage or wife.
> 
> However, we fell deeply in love at first sight. Sounds corny but we were engaged 13 days after we met and have been very happily married for 46 years. My wife was a virgin at 19 when we met and had zero experience with sex, ZERO. No boyfriends at all and any thought of women were immediately buried as abominations against God. Meanwhile all previous relationships were with bi women who I did not know were bi until well into the relationship. We cannot figure out why. My guess is that only a bi woman would put up with a guy who liked to look at other women and make comments about them.
> 
> ...


I think your wife is a lesbian and you have strong cuckolding tendencies but other than that, it sounds totally awesome!

The reason it works is because being a cuckold, you don't mind having affection/orgasms withheld from you. So another man in your shoes would probably not tolerate it because they would need to feel the same unequivocal desire from their wife, as they are offering her. But since it turns you on having that desire withheld from you (or not given to you because your wife actually prefers women), it sees to work for everyone involved.

I don't think you post often about it because you are 'not comfortable' with it, but because you want to see if there are other like-minded people. I don't think there are many but then it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that.

I still don't know what the girlfriend is getting out of it (who I presume is straight, since she is happily married) but I can see why it works for you and your wife.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Vinnydee said:


> ...*.So what do you think?* Do you believe like some of our religious friends that we are in an unholy union and *are doomed to hell?* Do you think that having a wife who prefers girls but loves me more than any of them, is perverted in some way? I*nteresting to get outside opinions* since we are only coming out now with the more liberal views on non hetero people. In our day and age we were have both lost our families and friends. Even our jobs. Now it seems like no big deal.


It is not a lifestyle that would work for me or my wife. However, at age 69, I don't judge relationships that work and stand the test of time. 

I would say yours is one of the more unusual relationships, but it works for you and your wife. I really value and feel that long term marriages/relationships are the truly important thing in bringing two people together and happy. I have been married for 46+ years, I came pretty close to divorce a couple times and have been tempted, but somehow done what was required to keep my marriage together. 

I applaud you and your wife for figuring out what works for the two of you.

Good luck.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

True or not (I lean 'not'), the real question is why you seem to get jollies out of telling everyone. 

BTW, your religious friends are wrong, you won't go to hell for this particular sin, you'll go to hell for all your sins…..unless you get saved beforehand, of course.

(I suspect the situation isn't all it's being played up as……good luck, Vinny)


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Vinny, I have been in alternative relationships, both sexual and romantic. I’m also truly bisexual. (Versus just being sexual with a woman on a light basis or only with a mans involvement).

The thing is that on this board, there are not a lot of people who can relate. Though there are a few posters here who are in successful alternative relationships, and I always appreciate their perspective, once you are in any kind of alternative relationship it becomes a sort of personal experience that you have to blaze your own trail on.

I have searched a bit for an online community that “gets me”, the real me, including my alternative experiences. I haven’t found anything that felt like a home. TAM feels like a home because although I have had these alternative experiences I can also relate to a traditional romantic and sexual experience because I’ve had a lot of that too. Monogamy and traditional relationships are - for me - better than the alternative ones. Or at least that is what I’ve found thus far.

Though I also love my alternative experiences and sometimes wish I could find a TAM of alternative relationships. TAAR? If anyone knows of such a thing, please share. 

Vinny, do you have a fetlife profile? You could post so much of your story that way in a community that enjoys hearing about successes such as yours.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Vinny, I have been in alternative relationships, both sexual and romantic. I’m also truly bisexual. (Versus just being sexual with a woman on a light basis or only with a mans involvement).
> 
> The thing is that on this board, there are not a lot of people who can relate. Though there are a few posters here who are in successful alternative relationships, and I always appreciate their perspective, once you are in any kind of alternative relationship it becomes a sort of personal experience that you have to blaze your own trail on.


This is not really true. HERE is not the right place, but they do exist.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Vinny, I have been in alternative relationships, both sexual and romantic. I’m also truly bisexual. (Versus just being sexual with a woman on a light basis or only with a mans involvement).
> ...


Who exists? Tell me more


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Though I also love my alternative experiences and sometimes wish I could find a TAM of alternative relationships. TAAR? If anyone knows of such a thing, please share.
> 
> Vinny, do you have a fetlife profile? You could post so much of your story that way in a community that enjoys hearing about successes such as yours.


I would also love to find a TAM of alternative relationships. Since to me Fetlife came up short when it came to some of the dynamism I have found here with a variety of ongoing discussions.



NobodySpecial said:


> This is not really true. HERE is not the right place, but they do exist.


Where?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

What do we judge on whether a particular relationship is an 'alternative relationship'? Incidence of occurrence?
I am often told that two people who met in school who only had sex with each other and are still together is a freak occurrence. But if I try google to find 'likeminded' people with the same values, I only come up with strict Christian websites. So that doesn't work...:scratchhead:
We mostly get along with people who are open minded and free whatever it is they practice sexually.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Who exists? Tell me more


I have to eat crow. The poly board I used to frequent is no longer. I have found some others that I did not resonate with. Mostly young people congratulating themselves on their enlightenment. Ah well. I will PM you if I find anything that you might be interested in.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> I would also love to find a TAM of alternative relationships. Since to me Fetlife came up short when it came to some of the dynamism I have found here with a variety of ongoing discussions.


Fet was a nightmare for me. It was like all the bad of OLD. It did not matter that my profile specifically said I am not a lifestyler and don't just "play", I got hammered with hook up requests. 



> Where?


See post to FW.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> Fet was a nightmare for me. It was like all the bad of OLD. It did not matter that my profile specifically said I am not a lifestyler and don't just "play", I got hammered with hook up requests.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




What do you expect from polyamorous sites? Genuinely curious.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

OnTheFly said:


> True or not (I lean 'not'), the real question is *why you seem to get jollies out of telling everyone*.
> 
> BTW, your religious friends are wrong, you won't go to hell for this particular sin, you'll go to hell for all your sins…..unless you get saved beforehand, of course.
> 
> (*I suspect the situation isn't all it's being played up as*……good luck, Vinny)


I, too, wish I had a place to talk about things that that did not automatically generate suspicion, ire and ... something. It is awfully nice to be able to talk to like minded people about things as they are without the blame casting. I have wished I could talk here since there are a lot of really awesome people. But it would be too challenging to fight through the weeds.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

inmyprime said:


> What do you expect from polyamorous sites? Genuinely curious.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


The one I mentioned closed for financial reasons. Their content is static now. There were a lot of great people who had input on navigating poly honestly and successfully without just throwing it out as a bad deal. We've seen that marriage can generally be a good thing but offers challenges along the way. This is just as true with non-monogamous sexual and romantic relationships. 

There are topics I can't really relate to on here which I just read and move along. The stuff about mate guarding and cheat proofing I would not have any insight to offer someone. I often want to shake people who subscribe to the provider model of relationships when they forget about TLC, affection and caring. I don't need to since there are posters who remind people about sharing dates and connection and such already here who do a much better job than I could.

We have a poly friendly therapist right now. We are having some challenges that we are navigating. She is terrific because she does not just jerk her knee but helps us see each other as we are. It would be cool if we could talk to other people who have been there, done that. But people remain closed on this topic a lot because of risk. DH and I joke that it is socially the next gay marriage. We are bad, evil people or at least so wrong that we need psychological help.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> What's there some particular advice that you wanted?


I'll take, *"trying to find yet another way to repackage the same old "I'm a lucky bastard!" story to the masses under the guise of needing to know if we think he'll **burn in hell for his lifestyle,* for $500, Alex.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> We are bad, evil people or at least so wrong that we need psychological help.


Huh? Anyone actually told you this?
I think there's a big difference between pointing out the risks of polyamorous relationships (because there are many others who might consider this as a lifestyle without being clued up about the subject) and tell you that you are 'bad and evil' because you practice it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'll take, *"trying to find yet another way to repackage the same old "I'm a lucky bastard!" story to the masses under the guise of needing to know if we think he'll **burn in hell for his lifestyle,* for $500, Alex.


I don't know why people would attribute this motive to this or other posters whose posts are alt when the same vein in SIM for posters who share their positive experiences don't get the same. 

My motives and feelings are often mis-attributed here. I am guessing projection or something in the respondent. Nonetheless it is a low grade bummer not to be able to speak honestly. Such is life.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

inmyprime said:


> Huh? Anyone actually told you this?


Hells yes. 



> I think there's a big difference between pointing out the risks of polyamorous relationships (because there are many others who might consider this as a lifestyle without being clued up about the subject) and tell you that you are 'bad and evil' because you practice it.


What you don't get here is any insight into the REAL risks and pitfalls. Not the correct venue. No blood, no foul.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> Hells yes.
> 
> 
> 
> What you don't get here is any insight into the REAL risks and pitfalls. Not the correct venue. No blood, no foul.


Maybe request a board for "alternative relationships & marriages" and ask for a rule that allows discussion regarding practicalities of it however the merits of such relationships to be discussed elsewhere.
There'll be more work for moderators for sure but if there's demand for it, I think it will solve the issue. Plus it will draw a different/more mixed type of crowd perhaps after a while.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Vinnydee said:


> My wife could no longer repress her desire for sex with a woman.


She did not have to repress her desire. She COULD have repressed her activity. But she had an open minded husband and did not have to. Sounds like a win.



> There are people who tell us that no matter if bi or not, you choose a spouse and disregard the need for exploring your sexuality. Some guys tell me that I should demand sexual fidelity from my wife even though it has never been an issue.


I think the first sentence represents a response to a situation that is not yours but that people hear about. Many a person who did not sign up for ENM has been pressured into it in the guise that bisexuality NEEDS to be explored, like the original marital expectations are null and void without the honest assessment of the non-monogamous assessment spouse's feelings.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

inmyprime said:


> Maybe request a board for "alternative relationships & marriages" and ask for a rule that allows discussion regarding practicalities of it however the merits of such relationships to be discussed elsewhere.
> There'll be more work for moderators for sure but if there's demand for it, I think it will solve the issue. Plus it will draw a different/more mixed type of crowd perhaps after a while.


If someone wants to, I will participate. It is not a strong need for me.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Fet was a nightmare for me. It was like all the bad of OLD. It did not matter that my profile specifically said I am not a lifestyler and don't just "play", I got hammered with hook up requests.


There was that to, and it didn't matter how we varied the information on our profile. I got the impression there were a lot of hopeful men angling on the off chance they might get something.

Then with some of the things we are into, the discussions were often from men looking to find anyone who would do that and where to find them.

The only interesting thing that happened was some woman who was coming to Australia asked me if I would consider photographing her in erotic and sexual poses (since she was impressed by our photos. Yet since we had given up on visiting the site for some of the above reasons, I missed her message until a few months after she had been and gone.



NobodySpecial said:


> See post to FW.


Thanks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Here's the thing...

I agreed with @Spicys take on this...

I also think you are a fisherman...
I am also a fisherman.

I try to catch unwilling, finny creatures, fish.

You?

It seems you are using TAM to recruit like-minded ladies for hook-ups. They PMing you with their likes held forward.

You laid out your conditions..

She gets, nor wants any penis; she wants curves, hills, valleys and moist chasms and dales. 
You want these too.
You get to join in.

TAM invites all in.....as long as you do not bend the rules.
Bending ears remains an option.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Here's the thing...
> 
> I agreed with @Spicys take on this...
> 
> ...


This is sort of a case in point. There is no reason not to take the OP at his word. 

It is sort of funny that this conversation coincides with a conversation between DH and I. He keeps dreaming up what he thinks I am thinking and feeling. I think he finally "got it" that he can listen to my words and watch my actions instead of dreaming up things from his upbringing or whatever. I printed this out for him. He laughed.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> I, too, wish I had a place to talk about things that that did not automatically generate suspicion, ire and ... something. It is awfully nice to be able to talk to like minded people about things as they are without the blame casting. I have wished I could talk here since there are a lot of really awesome people. But it would be too challenging to fight through the weeds.


You'll just have to learn to deal with differing opinions, I guess……..or not…….I guess.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> This is sort of a case in point. There is no reason not to take the OP at his word.
> 
> It is sort of funny that this conversation coincides with a conversation between DH and I. He keeps dreaming up what he thinks I am thinking and feeling. I think he finally "got it" that he can listen to my words and watch my actions instead of dreaming up things from his upbringing or whatever. I printed this out for him. He laughed.


We want what we want.
We get what we deserve.

Not without fail.
On God's part, on our part in this dance called Life...:surprise:

Sometimes the deserving gets shifted, misplaced.
Or so it seems......



SunCMars- from his archives.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

OnTheFly said:


> You'll just have to learn to deal with differing opinions, I guess……..or not…….I guess.


I don't have a problem with differing opinions. I am used to that. Actually I relish it. More than once I have had happy changes of opinion based on them. I don't love assumptions and mis-attributions of myself which lead to less than helpful progressions. It is what it is.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't have a problem with differing opinions. I am used to that. Actually I relish it. More than once I have had happy changes of opinion based on them. I don't love assumptions and mis-attributions of myself which lead to less than helpful progressions. It is what it is.


Fair enough.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> Some people think I am crazy due to my unconventional marriage.


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> My wife is bisexual and has had a girlfriend for most of our marriage. She also only wants to date women, not men after I die. Not your regular marriage or wife.


According to whom? It's YOUR regular, not other people's regular, that matters. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> However, we fell deeply in love at first sight. Sounds corny but we were engaged 13 days after we met and have been very happily married for 46 years. My wife was a virgin at 19 when we met and had zero experience with sex, ZERO. No boyfriends at all and any thought of women were immediately buried as abominations against God. Meanwhile all previous relationships were with bi women who I did not know were bi until well into the relationship. We cannot figure out why. My guess is that only a bi woman would put up with a guy who liked to look at other women and make comments about them.


Think harder.

People are not attracted because they're tolerant. People are attracted because you're appealing. Lesbian women REALLY like me, and so do bi women. Why? Because I have many female characteristics. That's why.

Nobody actually likes anybody making comments about others. Men out with their women don't like it when the women ogle other men - and they do it more visibly than men do, since it's OK for women to do so. Women don't like it when their men ogle other women, and so on. 

What do you want?



Vinnydee said:


> After we married we had a great sex life. My wife was an easy learner and would orgasm in under 3 minutes and had multiple ones until she was physically exhausted. She would try anything. Then she started to fantasize about sex with women, only women. One night our best friends asked us to wife swap. I left it up to my wife and thought it would be nice for her to experience sex with another man as she had nothing to compare it to other than me. Plus we were very drunk and stoned. She hated it. The guy was too rough and left her bruises and she never even came close to an orgasm. She said that she never wanted to have sex with another man and I was more than enough for her sexually. She was true to her word. I could not get her to have sex with another man.


Blablabla. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> My wife could no longer repress her desire for sex with a woman. He fantasies were consumed with it. Yet, she did not want to cheat on me or even date a woman without me. Long story short she arranged me to have sex with her recently divorce, horny and depressed best friend. My wife initially did not take part. After she heard her friend scream out her orgasm (she had gone 8 months without), my wife entered the room to ask who died. I invited us to join us and then ask her to play with her girlfriend to express her love for her longtime friend in a physical way. She did and that was when we both learned that her girlfriend had been with other women already. That explains why they were very close friends since childhood but in our day no one dared come out.


Sounds like you're writing for "true confessions". What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> I needed to get the background story out.


For what possible reason? What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> I am the only male my wife will have sex with, date and be romantic with. However, she prefers sex with women outside of our marriage but only if they will let me join in. Yeah, I know it is a big sacrifice going through marriage having threesomes all the time but I put up with it.


Sarcasm, eh? You know, of course, that most men fantasize about two women. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> Those who know think I am crazy for not divorcing her.


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> There are still so many people who deny that a person can be attracted to both men and women, maybe not equally and maybe not all the time.


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> I do know that if I die before my wife, she is done with men and will date women only. I see nothing wrong with that but our friends who are also in their mid to late 60's think that is terrible.


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> For us, it has always been our normal life and the only one we knew as adults. We did, do, love our girlfriend very deeply despite not living her anymore. It is possible to love more than one person. We do it every time with our families. We do not toss our dad aside when we love our mom, for instance. We always put our marriage and each other before each us. Just as we respected that our girlfriend's marriage was her primary relationship, she felt the same about us.


Still waiting. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> There are people who tell us that no matter if bi or not, you choose a spouse and disregard the need for exploring your sexuality. Some guys tell me that I should demand sexual fidelity from my wife...


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> Then there are the religious ones who think I should have divorced her as she offends God or that being bi is a choice.


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> I write this because I just came back from a Psychiatrist visit and was told that the only problem is that I thought I had a problem.


Seems pretty spot-on.

What do you want?


Vinnydee said:


> There is no one right way to live their life and since I am happy and content with the way my marriage went, I need to stop listening to what others think. It did not harm us in any way. It did not make me love my wife any less and it did not make me jealous. In fact I love having a wife who enjoys girl watching with me.


You're finally making sense.



Vinnydee said:


> I am feeling much better now. I know that how I feel is normal and I am not mentally ill. Also know that the way we chose to live our marriage was the right choice for us and there is nothing wrong with loving more than one person as long as it does not destroy your marriage.
> 
> So what do you think? Do you believe like some of our religious friends that we are in an unholy union and are doomed to hell? Do you think that having a wife who prefers girls but loves me more than any of them, is perverted in some way? Interesting to get outside opinions since we are only coming out now with the more liberal views on non hetero people. In our day and age we were have both lost our families and friends. Even our jobs. Now it seems like no big deal.


What other people think is irrelevant. What do you want?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

:rofl:


She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'll take, *"trying to find yet another way to repackage the same old "I'm a lucky bastard!" story to the masses under the guise of needing to know if we think he'll **burn in hell for his lifestyle,* for $500, Alex.


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

Spicy said:


> :rofl:


Now that wasnt nice (even if it is true)

Weren't you Steve on LS? (Not you spicy)


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

TheBohannons said:


> Now that wasnt nice (even if it is true)
> 
> Weren't you Steve on LS? (Not you spicy)


You will quickly come to know that @She'sStillGotIt is not here to show us how nice she is. > Her responses are awesome and she always makes me laugh. Very frank and says it like it is. She's a gem in my book!


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

Ok, agree to disagree


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> You will quickly come to know that @She'sStillGotIt is not here to show us how nice she is. > Her responses are awesome and she always makes me laugh. Very frank and says it like it is. She's a gem in my book!


Before I die, before i leave this plane, Eddie Rickenbacker's plane, I will break her.

This SSGI, she will pay for her insolence.





Quote: Butch- former husband of Lilith. He mumbled the above words before he was taken out by Red Dog. 
He was an avid reader of TAM.

Some say he is resurrected, he, now a fat ghost in Hades.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@Vinnydee...

Come out, come out where ever you are.

You took a beating here.

It seems......

It was your day, your day to receive a pummeling.

Don't give up...
Rewrite your script.

Not as a sock puppet.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Spicy said:


> You will quickly come to know that @She'sStillGotIt is not here to show us how nice she is. > Her responses are awesome and she always makes me laugh. Very frank and says it like it is. She's a gem in my book!



I wish they would make more of her so I could keep her as a pet at home. It’s all the entertainment one will ever need! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Nope, I doubt you will. I will enjoy watching you try though. :grin2:


SunCMars said:


> Before I die, before i leave this plane, Eddie Rickenbacker's plane, I will break her.
> 
> This SSGI, she will pay for her insolence.
> 
> ...


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

You are married to your wife, not your friends. True friends will only be worried that you will be harmed - send broke, or left broken hearted. Thank them for their concern, but ask them if they want you consulting on their marriages and personal lives - note many people do live their lives as if some religious or or other community had them under constant supervision - it is just a side effect of not being allowed to grow up in your own culture, to become your own person; so they live in each others pockets.

So take care with your finances, take care of your belongings, honour the partner you commit your life to, make sure both of you are enjoying life, make sure kids are warm/healthy/educated/well-fed.
That's it.
God's got better things to do than pissing about with people's love lives - if God really had issues about such things it wouldn't exist, wouldn't be all through the Creation, and real penalties would immediately occur (eg the penalty for eating things that are truly bad for you = throw up, collapse, die. God is too big to be worried about subtle). Most of the "God" stuff is nosey neighbours and politicians fighting each other for power - Go with the guy that says love your neighbour, love your wife - learn from the good message , and let everyone else stew in the wrothful hell that they create for themselves.






Vinnydee said:


> Some people think I am crazy due to my unconventional marriage. My wife is bisexual and has had a girlfriend for most of our marriage. She also only wants to date women, not men after I die. Not your regular marriage or wife.
> 
> However, we fell deeply in love at first sight. Sounds corny but we were engaged 13 days after we met and have been very happily married for 46 years. My wife was a virgin at 19 when we met and had zero experience with sex, ZERO. No boyfriends/girlfriends at all and any thought of women were immediately buried as abominations against God. Meanwhile all my previous relationships were with bi women who I did not know were bi until well into the relationship. We cannot figure out why. My guess is that only a bi woman would put up with a guy who liked to look at other women and make comments about them.
> 
> ...


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

Spicy said:


> I don't believe in hell or at least the traditional taught version of it. To me, it makes no logical sense that a God of love would be fine with burning his imperfect children forever for mistakes they made in a former life. Also, that He would have ransomed his sons his life to cover these ones sins that they are supposedly punished in hell for. What purpose does that serve if they are still gonna burn for mistakes made out of imperfection? What did the ransom do for them? Would I, as a very imperfect parent, ever burn my kid for one second as a punishment? Never. Should I believe a loving creator would burn His children forever? Well, I don't. Lastly, as the Almighty, I don't undestand why he would have some odd arrangement to work along with the devil, his arch nemesis, to hand over the bad ones to him to torture.<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/scratchhead.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Scratchhead" ></a> I'm probably not smart enough to get it. So to me, I don't think you are going to hell.
> 
> For the rest of your post...I feel like you are not as truly comfortable with this as you are constantly claiming to be. I never reply to your posts because they are always the same, telling people about your wonderful life with your wife and girlfriend. How you are very nearly the best male lover ever, to those lucky women that have tried you out. Repeating it to everyone, over and over. Even if it doesn't really have anything to do with the OP. To me, it comes across as you are almost trying to convince yourself along with us that this is all sunshine and roses. People that are confident in themsleves and what they are doing don't spend much time trying to convince the world of this.
> 
> ...


Wow, Spicy. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone take my thoughts and put them in writing, verbatim. That was just scary. It’s like reading your own mental monologue.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

hmm... my wife and i are also polyamorous. 

she also only dates women, has no interest in other men. i dont think we will stop any time soon, as it has never shown any indication of being a danger to our marriage. 

people can say what they want. they aren't the ones living it. i dont talk about how great or how bad it is because it is neither. it just is. im happy to see my wife living her life as she wants, and i am happy to share that life with her. 

to each their own.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> I have to eat crow. The poly board I used to frequent is no longer. I have found some others that I did not resonate with. *Mostly young people congratulating themselves on their enlightenment*. Ah well. I will PM you if I find anything that you might be interested in.


i have been on polyamory .com for a while. i do see a lot of the enlightenment, spiritual mumbo jumbo there. there are also a lot of pretty good posters too. most of them dont seem judgemental. 

you know what i mean by judgemental... "that is not the TRUE way!". 

from what i have seen, they mostly advocate honesty and self reflection when people bring up issues.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Rasputin said:


> Wow, Spicy. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone take my thoughts and put them in writing, verbatim. That was just scary. It’s like reading your own mental monologue.


I always knew I was a twin. You must be super sexy too. >


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

Spicy said:


> Rasputin said:
> 
> 
> > Wow, Spicy. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone take my thoughts and put them in writing, verbatim. That was just scary. It’s like reading your own mental monologue.
> ...


Was there any doubt?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Vinniedee,

To keep from threadjacking I'll post here. In another thread you wrote. 

*True story. My wife's best friend is like you. Vanilla husband. In fact he is OK with her dating others because she is into BDSM and threesomes with girls. Long story but she ended up being shared by me and my wife for most of our 46 years of marriage. We had threesomes nightly when she lived with us part of each month. She was a sadist to my masochist and there was nothing off limits that she wanted to do to me. She was good at it too because she is very intelligent and understood the psychology behind the fetish. She is bi as is my wife and had a crush on me since our teen age years so it worked out well. Her husband let her split her time between us and him and we socialized with him a few times. We did try once to bring him into our sex life but he freaked out as soon as I undressed his wife.*

But did the other womans husband really approve, or was he coerced by his W to allow her to have sex with two other people. If he freaked out when you undressed his wife I have some doubts. Do you feel any guilt over this. 

I would have to say that one factor which keeps me from cheating with women is the collateral damage to people in those womens lives, their children husband and etc. Not that I am not tempted.

Tamat


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