# Wife's emotional affair with the dog



## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

I may be looking at this wrong, but I just realized that in the past 6 months, my wife has developed increasingly strong feelings for our dogs--perhaps stronger than her feelings for me?! 

She talks to them more than me, touches them more than me, and is very loving with them, regardless of what they do. They slurp up their vomit (nasty), eat their feces (even nastier), and even bite her hard on the nose (drew blood), and she looks past it all. On the other hand, I'm constantly on thin ice with her. 

Literally, it seems like my relationship is going to the dogs! I think she's drifting from me, becoming progressive enamored with them. 

It's an emotional affair of the weirdest kind... between beauty and the beasts... and I'm paying for it!

I'm curious, have any guys on TAM been ousted by the dog in their relationships?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*What breed of dogs are these? How old are they?*


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## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

Cant give you a guys perspective, but my previous husband was jealous of the dog. I complained about him tracking mud in the house but never yelled at the dog for the same thing. I looked at my dog as a child and still do with my current dogs. My current husband also treats our dogs like children, wipes their feet when they come inside, gives them treats and plays ball with them. why not try to engage your wife and the dogs on an outing. Perhaps walk or dog park. Bet she would love it. Enjoy her loves and then try to engage her in things you love. Just a thought.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

i love my dogs and they love me unconditionally, more than I can say about my H. They are always glad to see me, welcome me home, cuddle with me. They also 'paw' at me but for entirely different reasons


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Mr HB and our dog definitely have a rivalry... when things soured in my marriage, Mr HB moved out of my bed, and now the dog snuggles me at night. On days when Mr HB is particularly cranky, the dog poops in his room! 

I agree with Stacey... make friends with the dog... nothing sexier than a guy that loves dogs 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Celtic (Apr 7, 2017)

It was the opposite in my first marriage; when things were rapidly going downhill between my ex-wife and I, I poured all my energy into our two dogs and felt so much better for it. They taught me to remain calm and patient, how to love unconditionally and gave me much needed focus and routine which got me living again. When they passed, I mourned more for them than I did for my own parents, they were my children and my whole world. 

There is a big reason these wonderful creatures are used for therapy so I'd first ask if there are underlying problems to your marriage that haven't been addressed or resolved? 

I agree with what @Stacey25 says and try to engage your wife via the dogs rather than see them as rivals to your position. My girlfriend also has two dogs and initially I was annoyed how they took my spot on the couch when we first started dating. I never showed this annoyance but worked on building up my relationship with the dogs to the point where they would choose to sit next to me instead. This in turn brought my girlfriend to sit next to us and made us feel more of a family unit. I also gained two amazing little buddies to boot so it was a win-win. Now the dogs get excited when I come home, they sit and cuddle with me, they look to me for guidance and everyone in our house is excited to go for a nice long walk together after a hard day at work. 

Honestly dogs (all animals) are not your rivals, they're your biggest supporters and you will forever value the love they bring.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

If they are male dogs, did they all of a sudden find a linking to peanut butter?:surprise:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

We will need to see a picture of the dogs and a picture of you to determine which one should get the most snuggles.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

heartbroken50 said:


> Mr HB and our dog definitely have a rivalry... when things soured in my marriage, Mr HB moved out of my bed, and now the dog snuggles me at night. *On days when Mr HB is particularly cranky, the dog poops in his room!*
> 
> I agree with Stacey... make friends with the dog... nothing sexier than a guy that loves dogs
> 
> ...


What a ****ty awesome thing for your beloved dog to do!>

Sadly, you prolly have to be the one to clean it up though.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *What breed of dogs are these? How old are they?*


All miniature dachshunds. Our oldest is about 6 years, the second oldest is 4 years, and the youngest is 2 years. When walking our dogs, people in passing constantly confuse them for puppies because they're small. Anything confused for a puppy can likely be construed as "cute", hence the wife's attraction.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

aine said:


> i love my dogs and they love me unconditionally, more than I can say about my H.


I used to work with a guy who, whenever his dog came up in conversation, would say "dogs are better than people". I believe his motivation for the statement was along these lines: unconditional love that transcended the poor motives of human beings, who generally would express conditional love. 

While my dogs are very friendly and loving, I see it as very conditional (the wife would probably disagree). They're highly motivated by food, and 50% of their companionship is based on whether I'm eating something. 

The equivalent would be if my wife was only romantically interested in me when I ordered pizza...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sorry.

I do not have this problem at home.

My wife treats me just like your dogs.

Like a Red Dog.

I am housebroken....poopwise only.

I lick her..................hands!

The poop flung at me, misses my ears, and my mouth...rolls off my sleek back.

I am not capable of eating poop.....I have tried to train HER thus, she cannot learn THIS. 

Just Sayin'


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Celtic said:


> There is a big reason these wonderful creatures are used for therapy so I'd first ask if there are underlying problems to your marriage that haven't been addressed or resolved?


There are many underlying problems in my marriage. My very first post to TAM (year ago) was a bit of a rambling mess, but nonetheless, it documented how my needs in the marriage weren't getting met.

Marital problems will seem more acute to spouses when there aren't big distractions that remove attention from the problems. I believe the dogs distract my wife from the problems in our marriage, but at the same time, I realize that the dogs are very therapeutic for her. In this way, I see the dogs benefiting both of us (the dogs make my wife happier, and I benefit from a happier wife), but I think those benefits are not as great as the benefits we would realize, if we focused on our marriage. 

If the highlight of my marriage is spending time with my wife and the dogs, where my wife is mainly occupied with them vs. me, I guess I'd rather not be married? Might sound kind of extreme, but I believe marriage should be about more than the wife cuddling her dogs and conveniently having hubby around to feed them, walk them, and pick up droppings in the yard. I many times feel like one of the dogs' accessories, vs. someone she has very deep feelings for. This shouldn't be.



Celtic said:


> I agree with what @Stacey25 says and try to engage your wife via the dogs rather than see them as rivals to your position. Honestly dogs (all animals) are not your rivals, they're your biggest supporters and you will forever value the love they bring.


I do frequently propose to the wife that we take the dogs for a walk, or take them to a dog park. She's usually tired after work, so my requests typically go nowhere and I'm frustrated over that, in part because I spend too much time indoors in a "work from home" arrangement, and am looking for ways to get outdoors with the wife. I've recently gone on walks alone with our youngest doxie (she's a good walking budddy). Last night, my wife and the dogs all went on a walk together. It was nice.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

_anonymous_ said:


> It's an emotional affair of the weirdest kind... between beauty and the beasts. And I'm paying for it...
> 
> I'm curious, have any guys on TAM been ousted by the dog in their relationships?


Good post.

A bit of truth here.

Anyone who loves animals has it in them to be a good parent.

But not neccessarily a good spouse. Your spouse is your equal. An animal is weak and can be contolled. An animal makes you feel superior.

A child is not. At first it is helpless. Then it becomes a teenager....then you are helpless, tying to control these little bull puppies.

Dogs love you unconditionally, not spouses or children. It is all about control...making yourself feel good about lavishing affection.

A person who loves animals more than people has serious trust and control issues with respect to other humans.

Empty nest syndrome is assuaged by bringing a dog or cat into the house as a "new" baby to lavish one's love on. Gives parents a purpose.

It brings structure back into the care givers life. The dog must be fed, walked, bathed and played with....and loved.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

aine said:


> i love my dogs and they love me unconditionally, more than I can say about my H. They are always glad to see me, welcome me home, cuddle with me. They also 'paw' at me but for entirely different reasons


A husband who does not paw at his wife ain't worth the chair at the end of the dining room table.

When they "stop pawing" they no longer care.

Paw back......

Claw back the love.....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> What a ****ty awesome thing for your beloved dog to do!>
> 
> Sadly, you prolly have to be the one to clean it up though.


Yes, but after he steps in it.....with his bare feet.

RRRRaauwooo!


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## Celtic (Apr 7, 2017)

_anonymous_ said:


> Marital problems will seem more acute to spouses when there aren't big distractions that remove attention from the problems. I believe the dogs distract my wife from the problems in our marriage, but at the same time, I realize that the dogs are very therapeutic for her. In this way, I see the dogs benefiting both of us (the dogs make my wife happier, and I benefit from a happier wife), but I think those benefits are not as great as those benefits we would realize, if we focused on our marriage.
> 
> If the highlight of my marriage is spending time with my wife and the dogs, where my wife is mainly occupied with them vs. me, I guess I'd rather not be married? Might sound kind of extreme, but I believe marriage should be about more than the wife cuddling her dogs and conveniently having hubby around to feed them, walk them, and pick up droppings in the yard. I many times feel like one of the dogs' accessories, vs. someone she has very deep feelings for. This shouldn't be.


I understand what you are saying about distractions preventing deeper problems getting resolved and I agree that it feels very frustrating being taken for granted (having to clean up after the dogs but not being appreciated). I don't think that the dogs are the big problem here, although it can seem like that, but more about your wife's reluctance to tackle these issues and preference to just brush them under the carpet (via distractions). This tends to build up a lot of resentment and the feeling that one partner (in this case you) isn't being listened to or having their own needs met. It's a horrible position to be in and my first marriage was much the same.

Personally I'd try using the dogs to your advantage. Your wife clearly feels at ease in their company so I'd imagine she'd feel just a bit better talking about any problems with them there more than if they were not. Trying to go out for a walk all together is a very good plan but as you know, that can depend on her energy after work. How about talking to her while you just play around with the dogs on the floor at home? Maybe buy a ball that you two can roll to each other for the dogs to chase or if push comes to shove, make more of a fuss over them than she does. That way you are creating an environment whereby she has to be in your company in order for her to enjoy time with the dogs, and part of the rule is that she has to talk with you about these problems you have been having. People tend to open up so much in the company of animals so this is certainly something to use to your advantage.


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## Dr. Stupid (Dec 8, 2016)

It's a dog eat dog world.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She's cheating on you. Time for the 180 to prepare yourself to leave if she doesn't come to her senses and get cats instead.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

heartbroken50 said:


> On days when Mr HB is particularly cranky, the dog poops in his room!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


:rofl::rofl:

I should probably apologize for laughing too hard at this. . . . .


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> I may be looking at this wrong, but I just realized that in the past 6 months, my wife has developed increasingly strong feelings for our dogs--perhaps stronger than her feelings for me?!
> 
> She talks to them more than me, touches them more than me, and is very loving with them, regardless of what they do. They slurp up their vomit (nasty), eat their feces (even nastier), and even bite her hard on the nose (drew blood), and she looks past it all. On the other hand, I'm constantly on thin ice with her.
> 
> ...


Start acting like the dogs and see what happens. :grin2: 

I have seen some completely turn their dog into their life. 

Why are you on thin ice with your W?


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> She's cheating on you.


That's what I'm thinking... all the petting, the groping. 

This is more than an emotional affair. It's already gotten physical! :surprise:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

_anonymous_ said:


> That's what I'm thinking... all the petting, the groping.
> 
> This is more than an emotional affair. It's already gotten physical! :surprise:


Oh no! She's strayed into the dreaded petophilia!


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Oh no:surprise:! She is getting down and dirty with the doggies. Is that doggie Style?

If she is I'm sorry to say it's definitely gone physical. File as of yesterday and expose. Expose to the other betrayed dog and stop the affair. Canine affairs thrive in secrecy. Don't delay, expose today!


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## BradWesley2 (Jul 15, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> Oh no:surprise:! She is getting down and dirty with the doggies. Is that doggie Style?
> 
> If she is I'm sorry to say it's definitely gone physical. File as of yesterday and expose. Expose to the other betrayed dog and stop the affair. Canine affairs thrive in secrecy. Don't delay, expose today!



WOW! Can't even imagine being Plan B to the family pooch. HAHA!


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

What? Where's Mommy? Put that camera away!


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

The dogs are supplying affection, attention and intimacy that she should be getting from you. They are also safer than you. Their demands are simple and easy to fulfill. The longer it goes on, the more detached from you she will become. 

I would work on connecting with your wife. Make some priority alone time.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

zookeeper said:


> The dogs are supplying affection, attention and intimacy that she should be getting from you. They are also safer than you. Their demands are simple and easy to fulfill. The longer it goes on, the more detached from you she will become.
> 
> I would work on connecting with your wife. Make some priority alone time.


Zookeeper is right, the dogs are fulfilling some need, you are not. 

In my case the dogs like to spend time with me, it's a priority for them, not for my H. 
Perhaps in all seriousness, you have to examine what you can change about yourself, rather than looking to change your wife's affections for the dogs.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife owns that dog. I picked it out for her, because she makes me pick out everything for her, but it's her dog. She can't stand me calling her dog an it, either. Oh well. It's a female lab/setter mix.

I know dogs are better than people. Dogs know how to love. People need to learn from dogs.

If people would just learn, Love First. Everything else comes after that.

People say the dog just cares about where it's meal comes from. That dog would throw itself into any danger to save my wife. She would sacrifice her life without hesitation to protect Mary.

Sure, she likes food. But she knows how to love. I can only dream of being as good a companion as that dog is.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> I may be looking at this wrong, but I just realized that in the past 6 months, my wife has developed increasingly strong feelings for our dogs--perhaps stronger than her feelings for me?!
> 
> She talks to them more than me, touches them more than me, and is very loving with them, regardless of what they do. They slurp up their vomit (nasty), eat their feces (even nastier), and even bite her hard on the nose (drew blood), and she looks past it all. On the other hand, I'm constantly on thin ice with her.
> 
> ...


You are a grown ass man. You are not as loveable as a dog, but should be a lot more useful and supportive.



Stacey25 said:


> Cant give you a guys perspective, but my previous husband was jealous of the dog. I complained about him tracking mud in the house but never yelled at the dog for the same thing. I looked at my dog as a child and still do with my current dogs. My current husband also treats our dogs like children, wipes their feet when they come inside, gives them treats and plays ball with them. why not try to engage your wife and the dogs on an outing. Perhaps walk or dog park. Bet she would love it. Enjoy her loves and then try to engage her in things you love. Just a thought.


I remember my wife being jealous that I appreciated the work of a woman I helped run a sports team with. She volunteered and was very useful (my wife did not help with these things), and I appreciated that, whereas I expected my wife to contribute in housework, sex or financially.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife sleeps with her dog touching her while I sleep in a separate bedroom. The dog follows her wherever she goes and she pets him all the time. When I touch her she says I am smothering her with love. She feeds the dog before we eat and the dog has more medications than I do and is probably going to outlive me. When my wife goes out, the dog cries until she comes home. I wish I was a dog.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

_anonymous_ said:


> I may be looking at this wrong, but I just realized that in the past 6 months, my wife has developed increasingly strong feelings for our dogs--perhaps stronger than her feelings for me?!
> 
> She talks to them more than me, touches them more than me, and is very loving with them, regardless of what they do. They slurp up their vomit (nasty), eat their feces (even nastier), and even bite her hard on the nose (drew blood), and she looks past it all. On the other hand, I'm constantly on thin ice with her.
> 
> ...


I was ousted by cats, but... same thing.

My ex wife always liked animals, but she started... collecting them... almost right after we got married. We had more cats than I'd like to admit, and there was no doubt where I stood on the hierarchical ladder.

I like cats, but it was ridiculous.

And guess who 'inherited' most of the them when she left for OM? :smthumbup: This guy.

But yeah man, emotional affair(s) for sure. No doubt they filled a need that I couldn't, and I knew it pretty early on, too. As soon as OM came on the scene, most of them became my responsibility, and she had no problems leaving them behind. She took her 'favourites' with her, though (of course).


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Anyone who loves animals has it in them to be a good parent. But not neccessarily a good spouse. Your spouse is your equal. An animal is weak and can be contolled. An animal makes you feel superior. ... Dogs love you unconditionally, not spouses or children. It is all about control...making yourself feel good about lavishing affection. A person who loves animals more than people has serious trust and control issues with respect to other humans.


Definitely agree with this. Since owning the dogs, I've recognized that caring for them is a lesson in patience and learning how to discipline with the right emotions. The experience has likely made me a better man for parenting in the future. It should be added, my wife spends very little time disciplining the dogs when they're bad, so I doubt she has learned anything positive from her dog-owning experience. To your latter point, perhaps the most she could learn is about herself: loving animals more than people suggests she is controlling, cynical, and in general, appreciates very shallow relationships more so than deeper ones.



zookeeper said:


> The dogs are supplying affection, attention and intimacy that she should be getting from you. They are also safer than you. Their demands are simple and easy to fulfill. The longer it goes on, the more detached from you she will become. I would work on connecting with your wife. Make some priority alone time.


I don't like to accept this as truth, but I believe it is true nonetheless. My wife is substituting me with the dogs, when it comes to getting her emotional needs met. Hailing back to my previous point, I do have to wonder what type of person places such high valuations on such shallow relationships. It is perhaps a person who lacks good relationships with people, inside and outside of their home.

Whatever the case, the wife's behavior doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, since the dogs often growl at her when she pulls them away from me (they favor me, since I care for them) or they growl at her when she disturbs their rest, in order to give them hugs and kisses. I've never growled at her when she shows me affection. I've never bitten her on the nose either.

I do make "priority alone time" with my wife; we spent this last weekend relaxing in Flagstaff and Sedona with her parents, with the dogs boarded. This time away from the dogs led to increases in affection, though not intimacy. On several occasions, her hug or kiss got accompanied by a question like "are you my sexy dachshund?" Disturbing. Even with the dogs at the sitter in another state, she's still thinking of them... and can only view me favorably through this lens of her warped attraction?



aine said:


> Perhaps in all seriousness, you have to examine what you can change about yourself, rather than looking to change your wife's affections for the dogs.


Yeah, I'm sure there is some opportunity to improve myself here. I'm not looking to change my wife's affections for the dogs, insofar as those affections are normal and healthy. The dogs are animals, whereas I am a human being. The dogs have less tenure than me in this relationship too. If beyond all of our problems, she can't view me lovingly as her husband--the man who has been there for her in tough times, and provided for her on many levels--our relationship can simply go to the dogs. That's fine with me.



alexm said:


> I was ousted by cats, but... same thing. But yeah man, emotional affair(s) for sure. No doubt they filled a need that I couldn't,


That's just terrible! Generally speaking, I think cats have less "emotional capital" than dogs. I didn't even know that cats were in the race, to be honest. I had cats before, and they seemed to be self-serving, hedonistic creatures. Anyone who's more fond of a cat than a person should especially take a look inside. Gee...



Yeswecan said:


> Why are you on thin ice with your W?


This question has the most explanatory power in this thread. I believe part of my wife's strange attraction for the dogs indicates major damage our relationship has suffered throughout years of two-sided, verbal abuse. I'm not proud of the places my relationship has been, and I do fear many times that given all that has been said and done, it is beyond repair. The reality that my wife favors three vomit-slurping, fecal-eating, nose-biting hounds over me, is perhaps the mark that she views me now as even less than dog and man. She might just view me as a cat!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> This question has the most explanatory power in this thread. I believe part of my wife's strange attraction for the dogs indicates major damage our relationship has suffered throughout years of two-sided, verbal abuse. I'm not proud of the places my relationship has been, and I do fear many times that given all that has been said and done, it is beyond repair. The reality that my wife favors three vomit-slurping, fecal-eating, nose-biting hounds over me, is perhaps the mark that she views me now as even less than man and dog. She might just view me as a cat!



Perhaps or your W finds that loving the dogs does not require much in return from her. In short, if your W locked the dogs in a trunk of a car for one hour, upon returning and opening the trunk the dogs would be tail wagging happy to see her. If your W put in a trunk for one hour I would say you would be very mad. It truly is an unconditional love. 

My W loves me and cares for me very very well. However, the pups that we have 3 of do sometimes get the preferential treatment. But that is ok with me because we take these dogs in(rescues/seniors that no one wants) to give them a good life and some major spoiling every now and then.

However, my W and I are sexually active and do many things together. If she were to spend time only with the pups then I would be questioning why so that I may correct the issue.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Perhaps or your W finds that loving the dogs does not require much in return from her. ...


But along those lines, why couldn't she show the same love for me? Point being, I'm not so sure that my wife feels obligated to much in return for my love. I tolerate no sex, a complete lack of emotional support, an unfair division of household labor, putting my career progression "on hold" as she focuses on her career, and then some. How is she working any harder for my love than for the dogs' love?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> But along those lines, why couldn't she show the same love for me? *That is a question best left to your W to answer.* Point being, I'm not so sure that my wife feels obligated to much in return for my love. *Perhaps your W feels she is returning love. Have you spoken to your W to what appears to be a taker situation. Does not return* I tolerate no sex, a complete lack of emotional support, an unfair division of household labor, putting my career progression "on hold" as she focuses on her career, and then some. How is she working any harder for my love than for the dogs' love?


Why do you tolerate no sex? Understand you allow this to go on and your W appears to gladly accept it. Understand you are accepting these problems. If you accept then learn to live with it. If you have a problem then lay it on the table to work it out. If your W simply refuses then her life has really gone to the dogs. You do not have to be a part of it.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Why do you tolerate no sex? Understand you allow this to go on and your W appears to gladly accept it. Understand you are accepting these problems. If you accept then learn to live with it. If you have a problem then lay it on the table to work it out. If your W simply refuses then her life has really gone to the dogs. You do not have to be a part of it.


By "tolerating" no sex (current state) or much less sex than I wanted (past state), what I mean is that I haven't divorced over it... not yet at least. 

For me, staying married might be a mix of personal excuses for not leaving, accepting problems as they are, fear over what the future holds outside of the relationship, etc. 

Or rather, for me, staying married could be my search for truth--my search for the signal of my wife's true feelings in a dataset where there is so much noise. Staying married could be giving the relationship as much of a second chance, as I've felt my wife has given me over the years.

In the interest of working through the problems, I've been pushing hard for marriage counseling. I haven't framed our problems to my wife as "you're more into the dogs than me; let's talk about it at counseling", but I have stated that we need desperately to improve our conflict resolution, reestablish trusts and boundaries, move beyond the past, and nurture the right feelings for one another in a marriage.

We actually have an appointment on the calendar for tomorrow evening for counseling, and I'm hoping that she'll go.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

_anonymous_ said:


> By "tolerating" no sex (current state) or much less sex than I wanted (past state), what I mean is that I haven't divorced over it... not yet at least.
> 
> For me, staying married might be a mix of personal excuses for not leaving, accepting problems as they are, fear over what the future holds outside of the relationship, etc.
> 
> ...



It appears you have your head on straight. Your wants noted in bold above are not out of the ordinary for any relationship. I hope your W stops and listens.


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

When I get home from work the first thing I do is spend 15 minutes or so playing with my dog and cleaning up after her. She's thrilled to see me every day and greets me with enthusiasm. The exact opposite of my wife lol. Even our cat, who I don't spend a lot of time with, runs over to me while I'm sitting on the bench taking off my boots and pushes on my leg with her head and uses my leg as a scratching post. My wife would be out on her ear if she ever made me choose.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

It KILLS (and kind of embarrasses me) to say this BUT:

Sometimes? I think I love my dog more than my husband... He's pointed it out a few times so I imagine he feels like he playing second fiddle, but before you label me crazy, let me tell you why I feel like this. Maybe your wife feels the same way, too?

My dog will let me talk. All day. Every day. I'm a talker. I think a lot of women are and sometimes I feel like I'm bothering my husband. I feel like I talk AT him, not to him. Sure, I'm talking AT my dog, but she's a dog so I don't feel so neglected... l'm not some annoying mosquito to her the way I feel I am with my husband. (FTR: My dog is actually pretty vocal. She talks, lol.) It doesn't matter that my husband SAYS I'm not bothering or annoying him, that's how I feel and I hate feeling like that so I'd rather limit my conversations with him.

My dog loves to snuggle. Again, I never feel like I'm annoying her. I don't have to ASK her to snuggle. She just hops up on my lap and makes herself comfortable. If I didn't make the initiative 100% of the time with affection, I'd never get it. I'm actually doing this pilot project in which I sit at the other end of the couch. I'm tired of feeling like I'm smothering him or annoying him every time I move so I'd rather not even sit near him. Yes, I've told him how I feel and he says I'm not annoying him, but it doesn't feel like it's true and is more like something he's saying because he has to say it. 

Basically, I get more joy out of my dog's company than my husband sometime. It's sad, but I can't control how my husband responds and I don't like putting myself in a position in which I'll feel like some annoying bug so I don't even bother.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

This thread made me remember this video


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

T*o your latter point, perhaps the most she could learn is about herself: loving animals more than people suggests she is controlling, cynical, and in general, appreciates very shallow relationships more so than deeper ones.*

I dont agree with this comment at all, people who love animals are usually empaths who have great intuition, compassion and open to other people.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

aine said:


> T*o your latter point, perhaps the most she could learn is about herself: loving animals more than people suggests she is controlling, cynical, and in general, appreciates very shallow relationships more so than deeper ones.*
> 
> I dont agree with this comment at all, people who love animals are usually empaths who have great intuition, compassion and open to other people.


Loving animals more than people is what I wrote, which to me, still presents a problem. How would most wives justify loving the dog more than their husbands, of all people? I'm not some abuser or drunk who deserves lower treatment than the dog. Rather, loving the dogs is just less work...

If she finds the dogs more pliable than me, trusts them more than me (+others, she's generally mistrusting), and enjoys shirking the emotional and physical responsibilities of a wife to her husband by spending time with them versus me, then that says a lot to me. It says... controlling, cynical, and shallow.

I may not be all that my wife wants, but I like to think I offer a bit more than our dogs in terms of a relationship.


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