# She gave me the belt...



## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

We're a normal couple, nothing kinky. Just got back from a vacation that was badly needed. Things were tense at first and we argued a fair amount as my wife was map reading and doing a bad job. On day2 we're having lunch and I was sharp or curt with her and she stood up and walked out. I had a few beers and then went to find her in the hotel room. She was pissed and after chewing me out, out of the blue said "Pull you pants down and bend over the bed". I stayed seated and said "what?" but she really pulled a face and ordered me over the bed again. I still don't know how she got me there but yes I did as she said. She took the belt out of my pants and proceeded to spank the life out of me with it. I mean she really whopped me. Afterwards she took a shower and we went for dinner as she'd missed lunch. All she's said about it is it seemed to have worked as I had been very sweet and loving since and she found it very cathartic.

Is there anything wrong with this?

I've googled the topis and been horrified by what I've read, but thats because it seems to just pull up "adult" sites.

She seems happy, and happy with "us" and I keep waiting for a discussion that just doesn't happen! Should I bring it up with her? I find it embarrassing still as I still have marks from it and she can see them clearly in the bathroom, shower etc.

Surely in the age of the internet someone also has experience of this?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You provided her with a physical outlet for her frustration in dealing with you. An outlet which you chose to submit to and comply with. You empowered her. Had you refused, or stopped the process, she wouldn't have gotten her catharsis, and you would not have changed how you deal with her. The event altered your relationship dynamic, seemingly for the better. Nobody in their right mind is going to criticize that.
Think of it this way, you introduced a new form of conflict resolution into your repetoire.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Thanks Deejo, I guess you are right in terms of outcome. I'm just finding it hard to actually accept my wife, well, spanked me! Interestingly reading some of the other posts has actually helped me think "OK, so she spanked me, I probably deserved it" no big deal.

Its the altering of the relationship dynamic you mention that disquietens me... although I don't know why.

I somehow need to get over the inner embarrassment of whats occurred physically so that we can talk about it.

Things are certainly "better" than if we'd still been bickering and had had a spoiled getaway break. I'm no "submissive male" though!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You're not being a submissive male contributed to her gratification. Did the event just ratchet down the discord? Was their any form of arousal for either of you? Guess what I'm asking is what happens next time she asks, or, conversely, when you tell her to drop her drawers?
You don't need to be embarrassed. I think the crowd of folks that would categorize spanking as 'kink' are no longer the majority.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

If you both enjoyed it and had some fun with it then whats the harm? Obviously you don't want it to turn into some form of abuse, but a little S&M now and again won't kill ya.

Just enjoy it when you get to reverse the roles!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'm not getting anything sexual or kinky out of this...sounds like straight up abuse to me. I just don't understand the point at which you obliged her ... why did you let her do that?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Maybe he's wondering that as well?

I don't think it's about sex either. It sounds more like she took her frustrations out on hubby's hiney. And he allowed it ...
The event certainly diffused the conflict on both sides.

I certainly wouldn't advocate ass-whoopings as a healthy form of conflict resolution.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Eraz, I agree with Swedish. Because the beating had no sexual connotations, it was physical abuse -- pure and simple. Whether it is done by hand or belt does not matter. Hence, if you want to read about all the emotional damage done in abusive relationships, simply Google for "physical abuse" instead of searching on the type of weapon used. I believe you will find a world of websites where people discuss their willingness to "walk on eggshells" and tolerate verbal and physical abuse from spouses whose emotional development is stuck at the level of a four year old. 

So, yes, this behavior is harmful to both of you if it continues. She is harming you because the abuse is disrespectful and humiliating and the core issue (the source of her anger) is not discussed or resolved. And you are harming her by being an enabler, i.e., one who enables the wife to avoid confronting her immaturity and thus avoid learing how to correct or manage it. 

But none of this is novel or new. If you think about it, you likely will recall having settled one or two arguments this way when you were in grade school.


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Thanks all for your feedback. Easter gave us plenty of time to discuss what happened and we had some good chats. No, there was nothing sexual in it. I'm still at a loss as to why I obliged her, except that she was "convincing" in her demand if that makes any sense.

Interestingly we did resolve the conflict through the spanking. She's still unremorseful and says I deserved it. I have to agree I was being a real a**hole and in that respect certainly did deserve it. She says I must just take it for what it was, and in all honesty I tend to agree. I also have to admit that it did bring about a total attitude and behavioural change for the better. She also said that we've been together for over 10 yrs and it's never come to that before, and probably wouldn't come to it again, but if it did she wouldn't hesitate. I am actually OK with that.

Whilst the actual episode wasn't sexual or sexually charged we have had some of the best sex EVER over Easter as a result of this and talking about it. I still have some bruising on my behind, but on the whole I am very happy.

Go figure.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

swedish said:


> I'm not getting anything sexual or kinky out of this...


I am


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> I am



trying not to get a mental image of you hitting yourself with a belt


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

okeydokie said:


> trying not to get a mental image of you hitting yourself with a belt


It's better if you can find someone else to do it :moon:


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Hm, if it led to the best sex ever, there may well have been something sexual about it--not as in, immediate foreplay, but as in, each of you acting out new roles in the course of the spanking which opened new sexual pathways. 

It is definitely different b/c you consented--she didn't whip you against your will. It's very hard to say with so little information whether or not this constitutes "abuse," since victims of domestic abuse are--to my knowledge--do NOT consent to the abuse they receive. 

MT, good to see you poking around on here. Hope you are doing ok.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Eraz2010 said:


> Whilst the actual episode wasn't sexual or sexually charged we have had some of the best sex EVER over Easter as a result of this and talking about it. I still have some bruising on my behind, but on the whole I am very happy.
> 
> Go figure.



I would guess if your woman is "misbehaving" in the future she will be looking for you to give her some swats as well and she will be anxious to reward you if you do. Are you prepared to see this through? 

I was originally introduced to spanking by my woman suggesting that I spank her, but then I wasn't the one misbehaving at the time. 

Understand before this I was never to lay a hand on a woman before, so you can imagine how surprised I was to learn this reaction like you said, after the fact the sexual relationship is in the overdrive. 

I would be interested to hear from you how your relationship is going over the next month or so from this. 

Have courage, the spanking is not only for the BDSM extremes but maybe even the quiet and common and the happy married couples around you are doing things in their private intimate areas that would make a porn star blush.


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Thanks again guys, haven't been on here for a while and just dropped by...surprised at the extra responses.

Things are still going great in the bedroom. I don't think it's directly to do with the spanking though. That incident led to better communication as she stopped me steam-rollering her by doing so. I definately listen to her more...but then she has since bought a wooden paddle which she keeps in her bedside table. She hasn't used it, but it came out during a "discussion" last week. All she had to do was hold it in her hand and give me "that look" and it stopped an argument... in favor of compromise.

To answer the questions on "consent"... I still can't say why I actually did it. There was just something about her ordering me to do so. I also think I really didn't think she was going to go through with it until the first strike of the belt.

I still blush about it, I am now. But somehow I am OK with it. As i said she hasn't spanked me again but remains unapologetic and says she wouldn't hesitate to repeat the experience.

I guess there is a new balance in the relationship, and it seems better for it.

Would I consent again if she ordered me? I think I would, yes.

And, no, I still don't seem to have any interest or positive reaction to any of the bdsm stuff I have seen on the web. Nor do I want my wife to wear latex or chain me up or whatever... LOL!

Go figure.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

This was the most interesting thread I think I have read! Coming from an abusive ex marriage, I wouldnt constitute this as abuse. I think there was sexuality here, domination and rectification of a wrong... you bad, bad boy

I applaud your wife for having the audacity to try this and you for allowing her to go down that path. I think you are already reaping the benefits.

Talking does not always solve the problem...


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

toolate said:


> Talking does not always solve the problem...


This quote I am wishing everyone on this board were to read many times as necessary.

Communication yes, but talking is only one of many ways we are communicating as humans.

Especially in matters of sexual relationships, talking is the last in importance. Actions ALWAYS speaking louder than words.


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## Keely (Apr 25, 2010)

You have admitted that you deserved the spanking with your own belt, and if you keep arguing with her in the future, I recommend you bend over for another spanking - being "taken-in-hand" obviously did the trick.

Far too many husbands still try to set the rules in marriages. Modern wives are highly educated and should be shown respect.

Many men would be wise to let the hand that rocks the cradle rule the roost, and just accept that it is pointless arguing with the female gender. Just do as you are asked, or bend over for the spanking.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Just looked this up again on here and was intrigued to see further comments I hadn't seen already. Thank you Toolate, BigBadWolf and Keely.

There really isn't that much more to report other than our marriage certainly has a better overall "atmosphere" and I think that is because I am no longer trying to bulldoze her or her wishes as so many of us men always try and do. I've given advice to some of the posters on here recently where their men are simply ignoring them or their wishes, being lazy and generally taking advantage of the women.

It seems it's about consequences! There's another thread where this has been accepted but they are *****-footin' around with taking away the PS3 or whatever... that sooooooo won't work. It'll just cause a fight. Us guys sometimes need something Direct, Clear and Painful in order to get the message! LOL!

It's caused a slight change in balance to our marriage/relationship and I have to say it's pretty good. For instance she tells when when something I'm doing (or not doing) is causing her irritation... I have a terrible lower back problem which I regularly use our hot-tub to take the pain out of... so I turn it on when I get home from work, but often I have had too much wine by the time it's hot enough (it's outside)... so if she hears me heading to bed having not used it, she has a tone of voice she uses to "encourage" me to get in it. Also, if I come to bed and have not turned it off, she'll say "get up and turn the tub off...or you'll be in serious trouble" (and by this I have assumed she means a hard spanking) so I get up and turn it off and try to remember not to leave it on next time.

We just went through a real busy time at work, and she warned me a few times that by allowing myself those extra glasses of wine after work I was drinking too much and not therefore giving my best as I would feel groggy in the mornings. Well, I also forgot a meeting one morning and this co-incided with forgetting to get some jobs around the house done for us... so I came home from work one day and was happily pouring the wine, when she just says "so you fogot a meeting at work, huh? And the pool is still standing there empty other than rain water, and you still haven't gone into the bank to set up XXXXXXX" followed by a very level voiced "pour that wine away, put the glass in the sink and wait for me in the bedroom". I'll spare you the details, but she'd purchased a wooden paddle and told me to pull my pants down and bend over. I got another spanking (wow, it hurt!) BUT all the while she scolded and talked me through where I was pushing the boundaries and making mistakes that were impacting the relationship and those around me.

Have to say... it worked!

The other benefits I have found is, and I can't really explain it, I seem "happier" to show her affection. We kiss more, I open doors and pull out chairs more for her... it seems to have triggered a lot of positive stuff.

Go figure!


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

LOL, I think you're lying to yourself if you think there's nothing sexual about it. You seem to be getting off on this outside of this just being a means to solve arguments. You may as well explore it. I'm not going to lie though, it is pretty funny.


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## quartz (Jun 13, 2010)

When people say "my wife is a real belter". 

I always assumed that they meant her good looks!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

What do you do while she strikes you?


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Maybe some sexuality has crept in, but we're only talking twice now it's happened and the 2nd time prob wouldn't have ever happened if it weren't for the "biggie" while on vacation (the first time, when I got the shock of my life). I'd say that there was nothing "sexual" about either time when was actually happening, infact quite the opposite. It's an unpleasant experience to the maximum and she's not fooling around with each stroke either... BUT I do like the way afterwards there's no further argument and it's "over", and it has made me think twice about how I act and speak towards her...and that has improved our relationship, which in turn has improved our intimacy. I did both times feel rather sheepish in the days afterwards being nude infront of her though with red/sore buttocks.

@Susan2010: Both times has been bent over the end of the/a bed on the bare butt. 1st time I just bent over whilst she did it, and she told me in no uncertain terms where I had gone wrong (in that case I was simply not listening to her and had been saying/doing things specifically to annoy her... sort of a protracted argument where I guess I just wanted to irritate her to prove my dominace. She changed that.) so I guess you could say a severe scolding. This last second time was almost the same except she would ask me to answer her questions like "do you accept you were wrong" that kinda thing, oh, and I had to apologise a few times and repeat what is was she was spanking me for to prove I was listening.

Hope that helps.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Mind if I explore the sexual aspect? Probably because I get a charge from reading this. Most people probably do, but it isn't about being into S&M or anything like that. I'm wondering if you get aroused, maybe not during but afterward? Do you get aroused thinking about the spanking later? While having sex with your wife, do you get a charge thinking about the spanking? Or do you completely avoid those thoughts because they turn you off?


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

No, I don't mind. I kinda like the annonymous sheild the web gives me! LOL! I wouldn't admit this stuff to my best buddy!

1st time defo NO, no arousal during or afterward. It was all a bit of a blur, and left me a bit "at sea" for some time afterwards, especially as when I tried to broach it with the wife she told me to stop sulking and accept it like a man, and that she'd do it again in a heartbeat if I behaved so badly again. I still don't get why I dropped my drawers when she told me too, other than shock and see was so damned pissed I just kinda did it. I think something told me I had gone to far that time.

Second time also defo not during, and again it came without warning, other than the 1 or 2 minutes between her telling me to put the wine down and get into the bedroom.

Afterwards I would again say "no" as your question seems to relate directly to the spanking. A while after time 1, and the next day after time 2 I would say there was a sexual charge, but I would put it down to a clearing of emotions, clearing of bad feelings and barriers and an undescribable feeling of "closeness" with my wife.

...as I think I have also mentioned for some reason I find being affectionate towards her, doing little things for her like flowers etc, holding open doors, pulling out chairs etc have been easier since that first "meeting" with the belt.

We've discussed the BDSM thing and looked at some more domestic sites too since the first belting, but none of it appealed to us (or certainly none of it appealed to me...I'm actually a mans man and no wimp) but there is no escaping the benefits to our sex-life. I mean, it had been years since she sat on my face during love-making and she's done that a few times now.

Writing this also makes me think maybe for some reason it has made me desire her more? I've always found her a turn-on physically and mentally though, but yes defo there is more of a "charge" as you say.

Does that help?

When you say a "charge" what do you mean?


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Sorry, read your post again Susan2010... Umm, the thoughts of the actual spankings have been a turn-off, in terms of during sex. But the fact they had happened I think provided "clearer air" for us both to really go for it... if that makes sense.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Were I reading a romance novel or something like that, I would want those episodes to turn into something sexual, like you feverishly begin making love or something. But you don't, so I think that is the reason you don't feel there is anything sexual about it. And that's the reason I asked about your feelings or arousal after the fact. Still, I believed there was sexual subsequence and was rather expecting you'd tell us that you longed for the exchange of intimate moments of remorse and forgiveness. I think I simply wasn't able to compose my questions that way.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Susan2010 said:


> Mind if I explore the sexual aspect? Probably because I get a charge from reading this.


Me too. It all sounds like a lot of fun.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Kobo said:


> Men continuing to serve their balls up on a platter.


Geeeeez, now you're really upping the ante


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

Wall i can say is wow....... i dont think i could fathom literally spanking my hubby, nor him allowing it-- Nor would I ever be up for him trying to spank me during a arguement.....

I do however want to try yelling at him to bend over and get on his knees next time we are in a arguement, and see where it goes... lmaooooo


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Kobo said:


> Tealeaves,
> 
> I'm not talking about being in charge. I'm talking about being respected. The victim of domestic violence is not respected by their partner. Your feelings on how this would change your image of your husband supports my comments and also tells the OP that he SHOULD be concerned about how this changes the other areas of the relationship. Only a few women can have a working relationship with an emasculated man,Suze is probably one of them. Most others Will lose respect and love for them. Most importantly the man will lose all of their self respect and won't be the kind of husband most women desire.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, I understand what you're saying. I agree.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Kobo said:


> I only know that MT enjoys semenal retention and has gotten his wife back in recent months(congrats) I don't know his views on female initiated domestic violence.


I enjoy dominant women and role play. It can be a great stress buster. This thread started off as a lot of fun and has become a slagging match. No-one need justify their position. It's only the internet...


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## foxy (Jun 10, 2010)

I find it strange that you say there is no sexual component to what happened yet you posted it under Sex in Marriage


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

:iagree::iagree: Good point Foxy


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

foxy said:


> I find it strange that you say there is no sexual component to what happened yet you posted it under Sex in Marriage




LOL that's what I was saying. He's not being hones with himself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eraz2010 (Apr 1, 2010)

Blue Moon said:


> LOL that's what I was saying. He's not being hones with himself
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me address that quickly...it's nothing to do with honesty, it's historial.

TAMF was the second forum I tried to post at way back when this first happened... and within 24 hours my post was deleted and my profile blocked for "inappropriate" material.

So, when I tried on here and saw a sexual thread I decided perhaps it would be better and less likely to offend folks.

Simple as that.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Eraz2010 said:


> So, when I tried on here and saw a sexual thread I decided perhaps it would be better and less likely to offend folks.
> 
> Simple as that.


And it's not only tolerated, but entirely welcome - if you catch my drift


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## jimbms (Jul 28, 2010)

Ok I feel I need to answer this one fully as it may help both yourself and any others.
Myself and she who must be obeyed (that’s a big clue for you) got together 28 years ago and even though we both had jobs that had us in charge it soon became pretty clear who the dominant partner was. A year later we got married into what was a female led marriage, she took the promise to obey part out and I had it put in. Many will say it is a Dominant/submissive relationship, so be it, in all these years we have remained faithful and loving to each other and not felt the need to do the making me dress in her stuff or her going out to get lovers thing, being the submissive partner does not mean you have to have no balls, in fact quite the opposite.
I feel that some people wrongfully classify subversive men as weak men. Somewhere along the line, they have been wrongly told that submission in a man is weak. It is my opinion that we are the strongest of men.
As a truly submissive man I am a protector, a servant, a planner, as well as a graceful reflection of my Dominant Partner. I am conscious that my appearance is reflection of her and therefore endeavour myself to always be well put together. I am a silent reflection of her strength and a supporter of her dreams and goals. .
As a submissive man I act with dignity, in fact I act with the dignity of the best butler…anticipating her needs because I know her. I know she drinks a cup of tea before bed and strive to have it waiting for her when she retires. I know after a long day she will need a foot rub and at weekend a massage so I have learned to do these. I know after a bad day she want to have someone to moan and complain to without having an opinion or interruption, so I do that. I will always take her word as law and never question it and will always do as she asks.
I strive to posses the best of manners, and what I mean by this goes way deeper than what the general society believes. I go shopping with her and carry her bags, I always open the door for her, I pull out her chair every time, no matter the location. I stand when she leaves the dinner table, even when we are alone. I realise that my manners are a reflection of my deep gratitude for her.
As a submissive man I am a gentleman first. I am honourable. I don’t act out in order to seek what might be an enjoyable sexual favour or punishment. In fact, a punishment is never enjoyable; it’s a failing to please my Mistress. And it’s never fun.
The fun comes not only from the deep service I provide, but also when I am alone with my Mistress and a scene evolves. She knows me well and because I am indispensable to her, she will make every fantasy I have come true. When I am ill she cares for me deeply she forbids me to do a thing, it is at those moment I know how much she appreciates me.
She values me tremendously. I am not less than her, but an extension of her. I am invaluable because even though I am submissive to her, I am not submissive to everyone. I serve her and only her (mind you we have had a little fun in that with some of her female friends occasionally as she has a little bi tendency which I am happy to indulge her with), and in that service comes a sense of joy and purpose. It also defines me as a man, a strong man, a submissive man.

Anyway that is my opinion as a Manxman, maybe you lot across the pond have a more primitive chest thumping attitude but this has worked for almost 30 years for us so that alone says something.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

This whole thing seems like it is about power. If your wife feels empowered because she can dominate you, and as a result she's feeling more confident in the bedroom, AND you don't mind, then I don't see anything at all wrong with this. 

For whatever reason the power shift is giving you both a happier, sexually charged relationship. Maybe she's felt weak, or unimportant, and this has helped her get some power back.

If at some point you feel this is hurting your emotionally, or you feel abused by her, then it has to stop. 

But hell man, it's a little bit of marital kink, and has created more intimacy between you both. I wouldn't read too much into it. You're not a freak. It's funny, and kinda awesome.


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