# He lied to me about who he was



## dumborsmart (Dec 3, 2008)

I have an 11 month old son and a fiance that (if id listened to my gut) lied to me about his job/ life. He lied for 1 year. Then when I got pregant he still didn't tell me the truth. H e had plenty of opportunity to tell me, to be honest.
He said he was a detective for 13 years. And things did seem right. Because when I moved to be with him in the same city he suddenly was "forced to retire" due to an unfortunate situation (like the movies-cop doesn't follow procedure then get the can). 
Its all a huge lie. On top of it he never graduated college as he said, he failed out of the police academy and he looked me in the eye and has lied from our first date, until now up to our son's first birthday. He even borrowed a friends badge, and took photos with his friends uniform on to fool me becuase at 3 months pregenant I threatened to leave him if he didn't show me proof. I checked out his record/stories and it was all fake. I just found out 2 days ago. I am frozen. I can hardly react. I always knew something was wrong but I didn't do the tiny extra step to confirm my suspicions. I confronted him, he lied for 15 minutes, then boom. He tells me everything. He had to lie at hi job post where I meet him. And so as we began talking he fell into the lie... and I though it was so great. I braqgged to everyone, told him how great he was, a hero. He was afraid of telling me the truth thinking Id leave him. So he kept up this horrible lie all this time. And especially when I became pregnant. I feel so decived. Do I leave or stay? I think I will really need some good therapy after this. I'm broken. And to think I could have stopped this all with one phone call to confirm his employment. I cringe.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

He lied to you from the start, he will likely lie till the end. I'd cut my losses and move on. You deserve to have someone you can trust. What else do you think he has lied about or will in the future?


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## dumborsmart (Dec 3, 2008)

The worst part is that I live in a big expensive city. And I just want to die at the though of taking my son from his father. He's the innocent child. He was so ashamed of his mexican poor lifestyle and his failures he never thought I would like him. See, I'm so tied up here with what will be best.


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## dumborsmart (Dec 3, 2008)

I meant his poor mexican upbringing. He family is a mess. They hurt him so much growing up. I wish I could run! But my baby....


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

dumborsmart said:


> I meant his poor mexican upbringing. He family is a mess. They hurt him so much growing up. I wish I could run! But my baby....


wow that was incredibly selfish on his part. obviously being an outsider i would say, leave him. but then, a lot of people would have said the same to my H and i. 

If you arent ready to leave now, then dont rush anything. you've got all the time in the world to handle it. just make sure you take care of you first. You can always leave him if you want too. there's no rush. If there is something holding you back, i think you should go talk to a counselor, by yourself, first. just to sort through everything you're going through.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

He's insecure. He must actually love you. Otherwise he wouldn't have told you now. Now is not the time to leave. If you were going to leave, you should have left awhile ago. These are the type of things that can really change people for the better, IF you are patient and run the course. Good Luck.


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## dumborsmart (Dec 3, 2008)

I thank you both for your outlook... it is both realistic and good to hear. And I should have left earlier,yes, after the first date, but I saw his badge and then pictures. I hate what he has done, yet I feel for him too because he actually though I would have not liked him... the real him. I think I would have left monday if I was going to leave. He created this to keep me yet its such a bad thing! Its like a stupid romantic comedy and they always ended up together at the end! I am the girl brough up in the country club and he is the poor american latino that grew up in the projects and then moved to the country where hi mom deserted him for 3 months at a time. Its sad.
But this is real. I have never seen him so relieved until now. He was a mess, always busy, could hardly look me in the eye at times. I always wanted to know what was haunting him. And now I know for sure. I am going about my days as usual, working, not falling apart, and I can't beleive how calm I am. I'm afraid I might break down and maybe I'm in denial. I'm almost too calm. And it scares me.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

magicsunset08 said:


> He's insecure. He must actually love you. Otherwise he wouldn't have told you now. Now is not the time to leave. If you were going to leave, you should have left awhile ago. These are the type of things that can really change people for the better, IF you are patient and run the course. Good Luck.



Sorry I can’t let this go. He lied to get her. He continued to lie for at least 20 months. He did not come clean with her until she “confronted” him and he continued to lie for “15 minutes”. There were multiple lies about his job, his back ground. Everything is a lie and will probably continue to be. He set the pattern not her. This is unlikely going make him “change for the better” it has exposed him for what he really is.

dumborsmart

If you wish to take time to think things through certainly do that, but don’t marry him at this time.


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## dumborsmart (Dec 3, 2008)

Yes, I know. Its my fear that there are more lies. A week ago I broke off the engagement because I was tired of his distance and financial irresponsibiliy. Then 2 days ago I found this all out. Did I mention he is 38 yrs old? He's no child. I'm 30 and stunded that a grown man would do this.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I had a real rude awakening in my marriage, too. Nothing as bad as what you are going through, but all the same i was demoralized over it. My H had lied to me about things and hid it from me for a year b/c he thought id leave, too. When i found out I was beside myself. I was actually calm like you are, but then six months down the road I think it all just hit me and i lost it. It was kind of weird. So definitely get some counseling. because you are in shock right now.


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