# Are you still "IN" love with your Wife?



## jaquen

If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow? 

If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


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## Caribbean Man

I voted " yes."
This morning we lay in bed, raining outside , and we were like two kids tickling &play fighting under the covers...
Afterward I thought to myself how much I really loved her.
[ Didn't tell her though. Maybe i should have then?]
But it was a deep feeling of consciousness, not euphoric but more like a confirmation or realization.

Anyways, we've known each other for almost 24 years.
Married almost 18 years, anniversary next month.
And yes, we've always been in love.
We disagree sometimes, but it doesn't last for long.
We have never, " fallen out of love."


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## ocotillo

Absolutely!



jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?


Together 41 years. Married 40 years. There have certainly been some ups and downs in the relationship.


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## Wiserforit

Still in lust too. But we've only been together 5 years. 

If you can remember thinking about wanting to "do" her, that anticipation before you got down her pants the first time... I still have that.


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## romantic_guy

I am totally in love with my wife! We met in high school and we got married at 16 & 17 because she was pregnant. Sure, the have been times we were not in love, but love is not always a feeling, it is a decision. We will celebrate 41 years this summer with a trip to a resort where we will lay on the beach all week, spend every moment together, and have plenty of passionate sex. It helps that she is such a wonderful person and that she has my idea of a perfect body!


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## Entropy3000

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


yes

36 years

I have never not loved her the entire time. 

The romantic "in love" feelings have ebbed and flowed. My fault. This has to do with being a workaholic. I had let things shutdown.

A few years back I told my wife I was going to fall in love with her again. She was relcutant because she was afraid I would shut down again. Anyway through reading and using Affirmations in about a month to six weeks i was back madly in lover with her. So I was able to get the dopamine back.

It is a work in progress.


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## FormerSelf

I have to admit that my wife's addictive behavior killed that intimacy bond. Now I wholly believe that all relationships go into a cooling period after the initial honeymoon/bonding phase...necessitating a greater grasp of effort and commitment...so if marriage to one or both partners is tantamount to taking only and no investment, then yes intimacy/attachment "the in-love" feelings will die. I def. felt in love once, but my wife married out of survival, basically an attachment disorder, not to bond. I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did.


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## RandomDude

I vote no

I no longer know what it feels like, I am still attached to her, but love? I don't know, and if I don't know then it's probably no longer love

Regardless, I still respect her


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## treyvion

Entropy3000 said:


> yes
> 
> 36 years
> 
> I have never not loved her the entire time.
> 
> The romantic "in love" feelings have ebbed and flowed. My fault. This has to do with being a workaholic. I had let things shut down.
> 
> A few years back I told my wife I was going to fall in love with her again. She was relcutant because she was afraid I would **** down again. Anyway through reading and using Affirmations in about a month to six weeks i was back madly in lover with her. So I was able to get the dopamine back.
> 
> It is a work in progress.


How do you get her to feel the same way?


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## arbitrator

Wife is STBXW. While I would like to be in love with her, and think fondly back to the love that we so greatly had for each other; and now greatly realize from her clandestine betrayal and covert deception in her infidelity, that that is now a total impossibility!

It just hurts so very much to think back on our love and the ardent devotion that we showed each other. As the betrayed spouse, it is largely tantamount to suffering death!


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## Entropy3000

treyvion said:


> How do you get her to feel the same way?


Keeping my fires burning. She has followed suit.

I date her. I give her fully body massages. Sometimes just massage her feet. Smetimes this is foreplay and sometimes not. No strings. I send her sexy emails. I will sometimes take her on my business trips and we turn them into mini vacations.

I have upped my passion in the bedroom. I do not hold back. I get lost in her and am not afraid to show her that I am on the verge of losing control. Last summer she was playfully trying to muffle my sound as the windows were open. That only urged me on. She got really giggling as I am ponding away. It was fun. She was into it too. That is what made it funny.

I had worked all night last night. She came to bed around noon and woke me up and she absoluely rocked my world. She shows her love in many ways. Her own ways. We spend quality time together but I do not smother her either.


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## JustPuzzled

Yes.


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## Ikaika

Yes, after almost 18.5 years. And, the intimacy is hotter now than it was even 10 years ago.


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## Dollystanford

Awwww I love you guys, you give me hope


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## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> Awwww I love you guys, you give me hope


There is more to my story, but you may not be that interested.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showpost.php?p=2044057


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## sandc

Unequivocally yes. Married 26 years.


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## eves

My wife pisses me off every day. I could write a book at all the things she does and doesn't do that upsets or saddens me. Alas...I am deeply in love with her.


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## Convection

Yes, still "in" love with my wife. We have issues and troubles but I would not stay with her if I were not in love. We have no kids at home and financially, I'd rather be poor than miserable (been both before), so nothing "forcing" us together. Married 15 yrs, together 17.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable

I'm so goofy crazy for my wife, it's just plain sick.


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## bbdad

Yes. I would love for our physical relationship to be better...much better.. But yes, I am still in love with my wife. We have been together almost 20 years.


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## ericthesane

Yes... in spite of everything, I am still deeply in love with my wife....


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## FLGator

I would sadly have to say no. 

I love Her more than anything, but after I found out about Her cheating, even now a year later and going through R. I would have to say no. I would like to have that feeling for Her again but it is different now.


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## jaquen

Entropy3000 said:


> Keeping my fires burning. She has followed suit.
> 
> I date her. I give her fully body massages. Sometimes just massage her feet. Smetimes this is foreplay and sometimes not. No strings. I send her sexy emails. I will sometimes take her on my business trips and we turn them into mini vacations.
> 
> I have upped my passion in the bedroom. I do not hold back. I get lost in her and am not afraid to show her that I am on the verge of losing control. Last summer she was playfully trying to muffle my sound as the windows were open. That only urged me on. She got really giggling as I am ponding away. It was fun. She was into it too. That is what made it funny.
> 
> I had worked all night last night. She came to bed around noon and woke me up and she absoluely rocked my world. She shows her love in many ways. Her own ways. We spend quality time together but I do not smother her either.


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## hambone

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


20+ years and I'd marry her again in a heart beat.

I've always been in love with her since shortly after we met.

If something happened to her... I would be absolutely devastated. I'd never recover.


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## MrK

No.

I loved my wife from the day I met her. Loved her throughout my marriage. Until I found out she didn't love me. Probably never did. Then I had to force myself to not love her. That was hard to do, and prolonged my mourning period. 

Could I get that feeling back? In a heartbeat. If she would turn to me in bed one night and say the words that would make me believe she wanted to come back. But i feel confident those words will never come. I can only go to bed at night accepting they will never come. I've hoped before, but the disappointment is too hard to take, so I try to not care..


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## treyvion

MrK said:


> No.
> 
> I loved my wife from the day I met her. Loved her throughout my marriage. Until I found out she didn't love me. Probably never did. Then I had to force myself to not love her. That was hard to do, and prolonged my mourning period.
> 
> Could I get that feeling back? In a heartbeat. If she would turn to me in bed one night and say the words that would make me believe she wanted to come back. But i feel confident those words will never come. I can only go to bed at night accepting they will never come. I've hoped before, but the disappointment is too hard to take, so I try to not care..


You been doing your MAP like a strong and confident man?


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## MrK

treyvion said:


> You been doing your MAP like a strong and confident man?


I have no idea what that means, but if it means anything close to "are you doing everything you can to win her back?", I'll just refer you back to my post.


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## Wing Man

Right now I would have to say that I "love" my wife buuuut I am no longer "in love" with my wife like I was in the beginning, if that makes any sense to anyone.


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## treyvion

MrK said:


> I have no idea what that means, but if it means anything close to "are you doing everything you can to win her back?", I'll just refer you back to my post.


Male Action Plan. Athol Kays. Strategy for restoring your confidence and plan outside of anyone else.


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## BjornFree

Wing Man said:


> Right now I would have to say that I "love" my wife buuuut I am no longer "in love" with my wife like I was in the beginning, if that makes any sense to anyone.


Makes sense to me seeing as how my feelings are pretty much the same. 

But a couple of years ago we had our second honeymoon phase or was it the third? But I would say that our understanding of love has matured and grown. Still love burying my face in her hair, that's never going to change.


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## jaquen

Wing Man said:


> Right now I would have to say that I "love" my wife buuuut I am no longer "in love" with my wife like I was in the beginning, if that makes any sense to anyone.


It makes perfect sense. I'm beginning to believe that this covers a lot, if not the majority, of long term relationships and marriages.

People who deeply love their partners, but aren't necessarily "in" romantic love with them anymore.


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## RClawson

I am in love with my wife. I am of the belief it is unconditional now. Through our 28 years there have been moments when I hated her. How she talked to me or how she treated me. She likely has had similar moments with me. 

I will hope we will always be together but I would let her go tomorrow if that was her true desire. She has truly given me the happiest moments of my life.


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## Wing Man

jaquen said:


> It makes perfect sense. I'm beginning to believe that this covers a lot, if not the majority, of long term relationships and marriages.
> 
> People who deeply love their partners, but aren't necessarily "in" romantic love with them anymore.


It's just soooo hard to replicate that "new love" feeling that you both first had in the beginning, and time tends to wipe away all the glitz & glammer and shoo away all those butterflies in your stomach once you get down to the nitty gritty with each other. To me that is what being "in love" feels like but now I just simply feel..........."love" for her, nothing more and nothing less.


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## Wiltshireman

My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years and I am still "In Love" with her.

It is not the same high passion LUST that I felt for her at the beginning of our relationship but a more gentle compassionate love and trust.

I feel that if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship that lasts you both have to learn to adapt and compromise to meet the challenges that you will face. No one can know what the future holds but the chances are there will be troubles be they medical / financial / emotional / spiritual they are so much easier to overcome if you face them as a couple not as two competing individuals.


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## Kobo

Define "In Love"


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## GTdad

My wife and I will be married for 30 years in a few months. It has been a difficult, and sometimes very difficult, journey at times, but also the best and most rewarding journey I've ever embarked on. For my part, I deeply regret giving her any cause to bear resentments or put up any walls.

But all she has to do is smile at me to make my heart flutter.

Yes.


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## Sennik

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> After just over 19 years married and another four dating exclusively I can unequivocally say yes I am still IN love with my wife.
> 
> Do we disagree once in a while? Of course. Was it rocky the first few years? Yep.
> 
> Have I grown tired of romancing her and rocking her world as often as possible?
> 
> Not a chance! :smthumbup:


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## jaquen

Kobo said:


> Define "In Love"


I really think having to asks answers the question.


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## GTdad

jaquen said:


> I really think having to asks answers the question.


It's difficult to define, but you know it when you see it.

Kind of like porn.


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## Kobo

jaquen said:


> I really think having to asks answers the question.


That's a non-answer


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## jaquen

Kobo said:


> That's a non-answer



Quite the contrary, it's the only answer that matters.

People in love don't have to ask what's the definition of "in love".


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## Kobo

jaquen said:


> Quite the contrary, it's the only answer that matters.
> 
> People in love don't have to ask what's the definition of "in love".


Circular logic at its finest. OK, didn't know this was an affirmation session. I'll bow out.


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## anotherguy

Yes for sure. 25 years. I like to think we are settling into a long smolder. Like the glowing embers over a campfire that are best for roasting marshmallows. Its different that the raging flaming psychosis of our mid 20's, thank goodness.

---

I wouldn't worry so much about a definitive definition of 'love'. 

If someone, who is a reasonable person says to me 'yes, I am in love', then I am fully willing to take them at their word. If you are unsure which definition might apply to you - thats ok too... I can wait until you figure it out. We dont need to split all those hairs and Im not going to be judge and jury over someone elses declarations of their feelings. Its all good.


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## Omgitsjoe

I'm very blessed thus ..... of course I'm " IN "


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## Racer

Love her ‘yes’... ‘in love with’... nope. There’s a difference in my heart now and I understand that ILYBNILWY speech. “In love” has that draw and want found in Hallmark cards. That bled out of me a couple years ago... she could have stopped that bleeding, and chose not to..

The “Love” I have is like a family member... you want the best for them, are there for them, but it’s much different. “You and I” instead of “us”.

Celebrated our 18th anniversary yesterday with lunch at a burger/beer joint.


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## tm84

Been together 6 years, married 5. I had an EA during the 2nd/3rd year mark. I can't say that I'm "in love" with my wife. I like and respect her, but the trauma of my EA has affected both of us really deeply. She pulled away emotionally and physically, while I dealt with my own issues of figuring out who I was; *I* wasn't supposed to be one of "those guys" who cheated, etc... Yet, I still allowed it to happen. 

Anyway, things are better now (except for the sexual side of things) but it seems we still have a long way to go and I have to give up the notion of things having that spark that it did before my indiscretion.


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## arbitrator

Entropy3000 said:


> Keeping my fires burning. She has followed suit.
> 
> I date her. I give her fully body massages. Sometimes just massage her feet. Smetimes this is foreplay and sometimes not. No strings. I send her sexy emails. I will sometimes take her on my business trips and we turn them into mini vacations.
> 
> I have upped my passion in the bedroom. I do not hold back. I get lost in her and am not afraid to show her that I am on the verge of losing control. Last summer she was playfully trying to muffle my sound as the windows were open. That only urged me on. She got really giggling as I am ponding away. It was fun. She was into it too. That is what made it funny.
> 
> I had worked all night last night. She came to bed around noon and woke me up and she absoluely rocked my world. She shows her love in many ways. Her own ways. We spend quality time together but I do not smother her either.


*You're truly living my dream, Entrop! Just keep on keepin' on!*


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## gbrad

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


No and never was. It was never about being in love. I really did think that was necessary to make the relationship work and I was wrong. The combination of not being in love from my side and not having enough common interests from both sides, has made it very difficult.


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## OlderAndWiser

Yes, for sure.....

Married 42 years. Ups and downs like everyone, but the last few years have been amazing. Just the other night, I told my W "I love you". She responded "I'm IN LOVE with you"!

Sweet!


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## 2009Flhtc

55 years old, known her since we were 8, teenage sweethearts, drifted apart and didn't see her again for 35 years. We've been married for 4 years and I'm crazy in love with her. We've both been aroundthe block and know how good we are together. God has blessed us with each other.


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## Air Texas

Very much so. 18 years.


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## ScubaSteve61

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


Yes. I am absolutely in love. Married 383 days so far. I still get the butterflies.


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## Wing Man

Have to say that I did _used_ to believe there was an amazing fairy tale true love story out there for me, and that is what I "thought" I had with my wife. But as time went on and all the luster wore off and several nasty arguements occured, I now know and accept the fact that this is just an everyday run of the mill marriage that is not terrible nor is it a fairy tale.


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## treyvion

Wing Man said:


> Have to say that I did _used_ to believe there was an amazing fairy tale true love story out there for me, and that is what I "thought" I had with my wife. But as time went on and all the luster wore off and several nasty arguements occured, I now know and accept the fact that this is just an everyday run of the mill marriage that is not terrible nor is it a fairy tale.


Exactly and if both of you can respect it and treat each other well, you are ahead of 9 out of 10 people who choose to be in this situation.


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## anchorwatch

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


Still "IN LOVE"!!! Together 40. Married 38.

All ways loved her. Romance ebbed and flowed. 

Through a lifetime of lessons together, we have gotten more passionate and romantic today as ever before. 

Romance and intimacy doesn't stop at sixty.


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## Omgitsjoe

ScubaSteve61 said:


> Yes. I am absolutely in love. Married 383 days so far. I still get the butterflies.


Dude .... this actually almost made me teary eyed !!! I'm happy for you and Congratulations on your recent anniversary


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## ScubaSteve61

Omgitsjoe said:


> Dude .... this actually almost made me teary eyed !!! I'm happy for you and Congratulations on your recent anniversary


Thanks, man! My only current complaint is a common one on these boards... "Adult" time is virtually nonexistent.


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## jaharthur

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?


I am a yes. Together for 36 years, married for 29. We've stayed in love the entire relationship. I can't imagine being with anyone else.


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## heartsbeating

BjornFree said:


> Makes sense to me seeing as how my feelings are pretty much the same.
> 
> But a couple of years ago we had our second honeymoon phase or was it the third? But I would say that our understanding of love has matured and grown. *Still love burying my face in her hair, that's never going to change.*


....aww.


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## ChargingCharlie

gbrad said:


> No and never was. It was never about being in love. I really did think that was necessary to make the relationship work and I was wrong. The combination of not being in love from my side and not having enough common interests from both sides, has made it very difficult.


This sounds somewhat similar to my feelings toward my wife. Married 12 years, together 14. I honestly don't think I'm in love with her. We really don't have anything in common to talk about besides the kids, and her attitude (immaturity, always nagging me about the kids) makes me dread coming home from work on some days not knowing what kind of mood she's in. We've had sex three times in the last two years (she says that I don't initiate enough, but she'll admit she'd rather sleep).

There have been a couple of times in the past year where she's been mad at me for something and said something to the effect that we should get a divorce as we don't have anything to talk about, and I disagree with her, but I'm honestly just covering up the problems. If it wasn't for the kids (both under 5) and the fact that I put most of the funds into the house, I would be planning an exit. I sometimes wish an angel would come to me like in the movies and ask me if I'd like to go back in time to change anything - I would pick not meeting my wife (although I can't imagine life without the kids, so that would be very difficult). 

My problem is that I'm not alpha enough, and I'd rather avoid conflict. Wish I could change that.


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## gbrad

ChargingCharlie said:


> This sounds somewhat similar to my feelings toward my wife. Married 12 years, together 14. I honestly don't think I'm in love with her. We really don't have anything in common to talk about besides the kids, and her attitude (immaturity, always nagging me about the kids) makes me dread coming home from work on some days not knowing what kind of mood she's in. We've had sex three times in the last two years (she says that I don't initiate enough, but she'll admit she'd rather sleep).
> 
> There have been a couple of times in the past year where she's been mad at me for something and said something to the effect that we should get a divorce as we don't have anything to talk about, and I disagree with her, but I'm honestly just covering up the problems. If it wasn't for the kids (both under 5) and the fact that I put most of the funds into the house, I would be planning an exit. I sometimes wish an angel would come to me like in the movies and ask me if I'd like to go back in time to change anything - I would pick not meeting my wife (although I can't imagine life without the kids, so that would be very difficult).
> 
> My problem is that I'm not alpha enough, and I'd rather avoid conflict. Wish I could change that.


I understand the idea of not being alpha enough and wanting to avoid conflict. As for not planning an exit; you need to plan something. You either need to have a plan for the marriage to change or develop some time of exit plan. The marriage wont change over night and you don't want to make a divorce decision based on one major blow up that could happen. You need to make a plan for what could happen and how to best be prepared for it.


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## jaquen

ChargingCharlie said:


> This sounds somewhat similar to my feelings toward my wife. Married 12 years, together 14. I honestly don't think I'm in love with her. We really don't have anything in common to talk about besides the kids, and her attitude (immaturity, always nagging me about the kids) makes me dread coming home from work on some days not knowing what kind of mood she's in. We've had sex three times in the last two years (she says that I don't initiate enough, but she'll admit she'd rather sleep).
> 
> There have been a couple of times in the past year where she's been mad at me for something and said something to the effect that we should get a divorce as we don't have anything to talk about, and I disagree with her, but I'm honestly just covering up the problems. If it wasn't for the kids (both under 5) and the fact that I put most of the funds into the house, I would be planning an exit. I sometimes wish an angel would come to me like in the movies and ask me if I'd like to go back in time to change anything - I would pick not meeting my wife (although I can't imagine life without the kids, so that would be very difficult).
> 
> My problem is that I'm not alpha enough, and I'd rather avoid conflict. Wish I could change that.


You better find a way to man up, get it together, and make a plan for your own sake. Just because you might be too weak to go for a divorce doesn't mean your wife won't. She's already interjecting the concept into conversation. If you don't have a plan you risk your wife being the one in control of your possible divorce. You could very well end up paying hefty alimony and child support for two children. There goes the bulk of your finances! If you choose to stay married it's time to make the best out of what you've got. And it's time to be a man and stop letting this woman run you up, down, and sideways.


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## Wiserforit

Just another amazing day.

Watching her load 2.5 tons of logs into the truck and trailer by hand... in a pink jumpsuit.


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## JuanSizemore

Yes, I've known my wife for over 25 years because we grew up across the street from each other. We never hooked up and after high school she went off to college in a different state and I stayed closer to home. 20 years later I wind up moving to the state that she was in and we became friends on a social website. We hit it off and have been together since we got married in 2010 with no real major issues.

I love her because she makes me laugh she is not afraid to get her hands dirty and I find her sexy. I love her smells with or w/o perfume. I just got back to the grocery store and she's napping on couch and I noticed that she's not wearing panties and thats rare. It turned me on.


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## Fozzy

Married 10 years, together for 20. I'm ABSOLUTELY still in love with her. How much that applies in the other direction is a matter currently being discussed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChargingCharlie

Fozzy said:


> Married 10 years, together for 20. I'm ABSOLUTELY still in love with her. How much that applies in the other direction is a matter currently being discussed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In my case, she does love me, but I don't love her.


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## masterclicker

Been together 49 years, married for 47 years. I have ways loved my wife, but I know there are times when that feeling is more intense than other times. I retired a few years ago, which gives me a lot of time to think about things. One of the revelations I came to is that my wife is an incredible woman. She has always been the most beautiful woman on the planet to me. Great wife and mother, wonderful grandmother, exceptional housekeeper and home maker. When we got married, I had no clue about selecting a wife and life partner. I was/am unbelievably lucky to have her.


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## pinotnoir

Nope. The feelings have been ebbing for the last 10 years, at least.


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## Woodchuck

jaquen said:


> If yes, how long have you been together (not just married). Have you stayed in love with her your entire relationship, or does it ebb and flow?
> 
> If no, were you ever? If so, do you believe it's possible to get that feeling back for her. Do you even want to?


Been married 47, years, and there are times when you love your spouse, but not in love.....

We had a rough spot in our marriage a few months ago and discussed divorce......

We decided to work it out and did the 5 love languages...It helped me a lot...Her probably not as much....

Afterward I really tried, and when she had surgery and I had to care for her for a week, I really put everything into really being nurturing.....

During that week I really and truly fell in love all over with my wife....When she walked into a room, I lit up......

I was like a teenager with a crush...I doted on her.......

She still had some to go, and over the next few weeks kept finding excuses to started arguments...Big arguments...

After each fight the "in love" feeling diminished...Finally after one particularly stupid fight, it was snuffed out....And I told her.....I love you but I am not in love with you......I really miss that feeling...

She kept throwing it up to me, and acting hurt, and saying "you can't fall out of love with someone over a stupid fight".....

But to be able to fall in love you have to let down your guard, and then, you are vulnerable to deliberate cruelty.....You can fall out of love.....

The bright side is, she seems to have turned a corner, and is not starting arguments any more. and the In Love feeling is coming back.....

the woodchuck


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