# What do we owe our kids?



## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

What now?

I've been a stay-at-home mom for more than 15 years and I need to get a job NOW!!! (I believe I am completely cut off financially.)

So, I'm in a quandary. I have a BS in Civil Engineering, but don't want to work as an engineer again (yuk).

I've been looking into a Master's Degree in Financial Analysis or Actuarial Science - both easily added to engineering degree. GOOD money - but BORING!!

I've looked at Web Design, computer programming, etc (I love writing code - a true DORK, but can't imagine spending my days with other dorks...)

I've considered going to law school (the original plan 15 years ago before I began serial marriages).

But, I have a fledgling business that holds much promise (if I can ever get my life to settle down enough to expand and focus). 

I'm also greatly interested in being trained in massage therapy (an ongoing interest of mine). This also can be tied in with my business (one of my products is a massage candle ... heavenly... )


My kids are 24, 22, 15, 14 and to be honest, I really don't want to go back into the high-stress corporate world. I've been a female engineer in a male-dominated profession and it's not easy. A fight every day to prove your worth. (It feels like being on a co-ed sports team - only if the rules require you involve the female players will you EVER get to touch the ball. Not fun.) I'm much more drawn to the idea of growing my business, find massage clients and taking odd jobs to make ends meet. I will be much more available to my kids for these last years. Of course, this is a great risk in a scary economy...
(BTW - Massage therapist is one of the top 10 fastest growing careers, but low(ish) pay.)

Ideally, when the last of them go away to college, I want to move south (warmer) into a tiny house or apartment and live simply. I don't need/want much. Surround myself with books, music and nature.


But, what do I owe my kids? Plan 1 would assure I can help them thru college and when they get started in the real world. But, Plan 2 comes with no guarantees.


Here's the thing: I've lived my life thinking I was completely left-brained, no creative abilities whatsoever (hence the engineering degree...) But, I was wrong. 
Over the last 5 years (the time I've spent with my husband), I've learned my right brain, creative side is the stronger of the two. And I enjoy it so much more. 
As I've lived a life denied of emotion, I cut off all ties to any right brain abilities (where emotions lie). Now that I'm reconnected with my own natural abilities, I'm loathe to give that up & go back to technical corporate world (but that's where the money is). 

If I'm capable of earning that type of salary, shouldn't I? For my kids?...?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Massage work is stressful on the back, shoulder and joints of your hands and arms.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

aug said:


> Massage work is stressful on the back, shoulder and joints of your hands and arms.


Where I live massage therapy is high paying. 60 bucks an hour and most health plans cover it for the patient. You have to wait a week or more to get an appointment. When trained properly it is not as hard on the therapist as you would imagine (my daughter is a student).
What is owed kids. What a struggle. My daughter earned her tuition and living expenses 100 percent (a $26,000 cost total). She earned the rest through part-time jobs. My son will enter a co-operative trades program (minimal school costs). My kids grandpa on their dad's side (2nd batch from 2nd marriage) has trust fund for them.
I couldn't afford to help first two. I didn't have a choice. I don't know what I would do if I did!
I guess without a choice, kids find their own way and that might be what yours do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I agree that good training is required. Here are 2 articles I found quickly via google.


Preventing Common Injuries Sustained by Massage Therapists

http://www.massagereferences.com/articles/Injury Prevention.pdf


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I became a teacher....not for the money (obviously LOL) but to have their schedule.

Your children are mostly grown...how many at home? I don't know...maybe you can teach engineering at a local college?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I became a teacher....not for the money (obviously LOL) but to have their schedule.
> 
> Your children are mostly grown...how many at home? I don't know...maybe you can teach engineering at a local college?


This is a good idea....


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Hey - I have to stick up for the dorks!

I was one at some point - now I do professional project management - I think that allows me to be both left and right brained!


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## deaconblue9038 (Jun 22, 2012)

When my three boys had surpassed the age of eight (making my oldest 11) I sat down and wrote out a statement for each of them to sign. It was a summary in deed a sort of contract on what they could expect from their parents while in our home. Here is a copy....... I have the right to be treated fairly and with respect ,relative to my actions.
I have the right to be provided with the """"basic""""" necessities of life,food,water, accommodating shelter,clothing and, medical needs. I have a right to live in an atmosphere of relative peace and,harmony. I have a right to a """degree""" privacy. I have a right to expect a reasonable amount of protection from harm by those both foreign and,domestic.I have the right to support from my parents and,to be heard when expressing myself in an appropriate manner. I have the right to express my individuality as long as it is not offensive,encumbers in all fairness ,the rights of other family members nor violates the wishes of my parents.
All other occurrences not expressed in these "right" are privileges and,should be treated as such for they can be revoked..................
This and my encouragement in preparing for their future beginning at a young age is what I owed my children...they have since then reviewed it three or four times. I promoted at a very young age that their "career" was school and that the day when they would be caring for themselves was coming fast whether they liked it or not. Now here we are my oldest is 18, and is enlisted in the US Navy Nuclear Engineer Program my middle boy will be a certified Arc/TiG/Mig welder with his divers cert. and Underwater welding cert by the end of high school,he's now 16 and is in a program that will gaurentee him 100% paid college while he works for AquaChem. His starting pay will be close to what I make now!! My youngest is set on joining the Coast Guard and is preparing himself both physically and mentally for this challenging lifestyle. He's taken CPR/First Aid courses and is always looking to learn more things that will help him become a better rescuer.He exercises daily,works hard in school and knows it wont be long before he is out there on his own......Prepared.....this is what we all owe our children. I have always asked their friends "what are you going to do after you graduate"? Even as young as 10 many still give the same answer "I don't know!! " these children didn't get what they deserved from their parents.....Point being is what I owe my kids I have already given them!!!!!! I owe myself a life before it's over and so do you.....do what is going to make YOU happiest,your children will make their own path with what you have already given them......


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

I didnt see any "right to be loved or treated with love". Personally, I believe if you are treating your family in a loving manner it covers all that other stuff. Kinda like the golden rule: do onto others as you want them to do onto you.

Still, its good you set out what they can expect from you when they are under your authority. Our boys are only 3 & 5 & they already know what we expect of them & what the consequences are for them if they choose not to follow our rules.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I may be in the minority, but I don't think you owe them anything monetary at all. If you can swing paying their way through college, that's great and they are [email protected] lucky. But they should not be brought up to expect it. Many many students find a way to get themselves through school on their own. Encourage them to strive for scholarships, to research student loan options and to seek part time jobs.

We will likely never be able to pay our choldrens way through college. I plan to raise them with the reality that they will have to work to make it happen with my moral support, but without any money from us

What you do owe your kids is a happy, healthy, supportive and well adjusted mother to be their safety net and their support as they learn to be adults.

It is not selfish to think of your own dreams and aspirations and to work towards them now that you have a bit more freedom to do so. We mentally program ourselves as mothers to forgo our own wants and desires to please everyone else first. You have done your part, put in your time, now do something for you.

Just my two cents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deaconblue9038 (Jun 22, 2012)

Cara said:


> I didnt see any "right to be loved or treated with love".
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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