# Is this normal



## dreday8432 (Jun 2, 2013)

So my wife of 4 years has been acting strange lately. She has been spending a lot of time lately with her girl friends. I do not object to her spending time with her friends because it is needed but currently she feels that spending time with them is a priority over spending time with me. It has even gone so far that she yelled at me for trying to talk to her about it saying that i was messing up her plans to hang out with her friends. If your wife creates a sporatic event with her friends and does not try to include her husband is that alright? It seems to be going on like 5 days a week so I can't even try to arrange a date night because she is already "booked." What set me over to want to find a forum to discuss this was when she made plans to hang out with her friend and her husband to talk about how to learn photography because her husband just graduated from school. I was supposed to work and my job sent me home early because we had no patients. I thought it would be good to meet up with her because we had a babysitter and it would be good to have a couples night. As I called her she did not answer the first 5 times over an hour span. When i finally got a hold of her she said what do you want? I asked where she was and all and she wouldnt tell me. She said every time i go out you try to ruin my plans. I said i'm not trying to i just would like to know where you are? She refused and said dont call me again im hanging up the phone and turning it off for the rest of the night. Somehow in there trying to surprise my wife i was ruining her plans. I don't want to say she is cheating but she was with her girlfriend but i have no way of confirming that. So my question being is there a limit to how much time your wife should spend with her friends and if so should she include you in some of those plans especially if the friends are mutual? I'm not jealous by no means but it just seems rediculous to tell your significant other they are not part of the plans and if there is something else they can do because they are not a part of the plans. I just need advice on how to handle this situation


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

If I understand correctly, your wife is out five nights a week with friends although you are not happy with this and you have children?

No, this is not normal.

Tell her that and that it is not ok.


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## dreday8432 (Jun 2, 2013)

It's not 5 days of clubbing or anything. More like gets off work and goes straight to her friends house without coming home to tell me where she is. Or hanging with them at night and me not knowing what is going on. And yes we have a 7 year old


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Put a GPS on her car. 

Get 2 or 3 voice activated recorders (VAR). Use 2 VARs to use in her car. Get some velcro and stick it under her seat. Rotate the VARs.

Plant the 3rd VAR somewhere in the house.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

If she's at her friend's house, why cant you call her friend's house and ask to speak to your wife?


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## dreday8432 (Jun 2, 2013)

lol, Aug. That might get me sent to prison though for invasion of privacy without consent. but hey, its worth a try


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## dreday8432 (Jun 2, 2013)

Her new friend that she is infatuated with is one of her co workers. I don't really know her, nor do I have her number. It would be expected of her to give it to me just in case. That would be a problem still


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

She's not giving you any info. You need to find out why. Since she is not telling you, find out the reasons another way.

Have you seen her new friend? Do you really know that it's a her? Confirm first that her friend is a female and married. Ask her for her friend's phone number and address in case of emergency with your child or with her.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Since you are married 4 years and there is a 7 y.o. child, whose child is it? Her's or your's?


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## dreday8432 (Jun 2, 2013)

He is my stepson. I have raised him since he was 3 months as my own. I am sure her friend is female and married. Her friend just recently got married like 2 weeks ago. I am going to try and get her friends number next time she pulls one of these stunts. What do you think about the i'm trying to ruin her plans thing? If my friends make plans with me i normally try to include her but she never tries to include me and if i try to invite myself her plans are ruined. Is that normal behavior for a spouse? Or am i just taking it out of hand?


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## KalmAndKollected (Sep 26, 2012)

It is absolutely, undeniably, not normal at all. Read that again, and understand it. You need to spy buddy. Don't lead her on, but collect information on her friends. Do the VAR, check phone records. My initial hunch? She's a freak, and maybe getting freaky with more than one at the same time. Just sayin. Barring that, it is not acceptable, and not to be tolerated. And do something for yourself!


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

How is everything else in the marriage? Sex life, etc?

You say you are not the jealous type. That's fine, but you should be a little more cautious. Your wife sounds like she has is escaping from the marriage. I don't know if she is fooling around, but she certainly is not making herself available.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

dreday8432 said:


> If my friends make plans with me i normally try to include her but she never tries to include me and *if i try to invite myself her plans are ruined*.


What kind of plans is she making that your mere presence ruins them? We could speculate... finding out for sure is the best way forward. 



> Is that normal behavior for a spouse? Or am i just taking it out of hand?


Of course this isn't normal behaviour. The default state in marriage is to include your spouse in your leisure time. Doing most things together as a married couple is normal. You know this. She knows this too.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

2x4 upside your head. no not normal or acceptable behavior for a marriage.

what are YOU going to do about it?

sounds like she cheating and using her friends as an excuse,


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> 2x4 upside your head. no not normal or acceptable behavior for a marriage.
> 
> what are YOU going to do about it?
> 
> sounds like she cheating and using her friends as an excuse,


...and her friends were taking her to clubs, she started loving the single party-girl lifestyle, she was probably getting hit on...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry, but there are a lot of red flags here that point to an affair.

Spouses should not only be top priority, but spouses also always have an open invitation to join on any outing, any outing.

The amount of time she is dedicating to this new person, and her refusal to include you, and her hostility and disrespect for you.... All red flags.

And that this new person got married 2 weeks ago and instead of spending that time with her new husband is now hanging every night with this woman?

Something really doesn't add up.

The logical simplest explanation is that she isn't over with the woman at all, but is someplace else, using the woman for cover.

You need to use a VAR under her car seat, and you need to find where she is going each night.

You can either GPS her car using a GPS, or you can accidentally leave your phone in the car with it silent mode, then track your phone.

And as for going to jail for invasion of privacy? Sorry, who has ever had that happen? DAs are interested in real crimes, not a husband catching a cheating wife.

Let me guess, she also keeps her cellphone locked and on her always.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

F-102 said:


> ...and her friends were taking her to clubs, she started loving the single party-girl lifestyle, she was probably getting hit on...


Meanwhile, the OP gets to babysit HER son.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

She doesn't have a cell phone?


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## Jack99 (Nov 21, 2010)

It's decidedly not normal. Especially since she cuts off all communication while she's out. She has issues with the marriage, and this is a manifestation of it. The behavior is totally unacceptable. You were right to come here and get some opinions. At the very least, demand that she stop going out, for a period of one year, and do it immediately, or you leave. Simple as that. You can't allow this to continue.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

have the other thread combined with this one and sent it to CWI forum?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

dreday8432 said:


> So my wife of 4 years has been acting strange lately. She has been spending a lot of time lately with her girl friends. I do not object to her spending time with her friends because it is needed but currently she feels that spending time with them is a priority over spending time with me. It has even gone so far that she yelled at me for trying to talk to her about it saying that i was messing up her plans to hang out with her friends. If your wife creates a sporatic event with her friends and does not try to include her husband is that alright? It seems to be going on like 5 days a week so I can't even try to arrange a date night because she is already "booked." What set me over to want to find a forum to discuss this was when she made *plans to hang out with her friend and her husband to talk about how to learn photography because her husband just graduated from school.* I was supposed to work and my job sent me home early because we had no patients. I thought it would be good to meet up with her because we had a babysitter and it would be good to have a couples night.* As I called her she did not answer the first 5 times over an hour span.* *When i finally got a hold of her she said what do you want?** I asked where she was and all and she wouldnt tell me*. She said every time i go out you try to ruin my plans. *I said i'm not trying to i just would like to know where you are? **She refused and said dont call me again im hanging up the phone *and turning it off for the rest of the night. Somehow in there trying to surprise my wife i was ruining her plans. I don't want to say she is cheating but she was with her girlfriend but i have no way of confirming that. So my question being is there a limit to how much time your wife should spend with her friends and if so should she include you in some of those plans especially if the friends are mutual? I'm not jealous by no means but it just seems ridiculous to tell your significant other they are not part of the plans and if there is something else they can do because they are not a part of the plans. I just need advice on how to handle this situation



besides what has already been mentioned.The balded part´s
i find extremely ODD, to say the least..I mean what would the problem have been i you came around?? This is to me the biggest red flag of them all.. You need to key log , get some VAR´s And investigate the hell out of this...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What your wife is doing is perfectly normal.

For someone who's having an affair.

C


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

dreday8432 said:


> It's not 5 days of clubbing or anything.*As far as you know* More like gets off work and goes straight to her friends house without coming home to tell me where she is. Or hanging with them at night and me not knowing what is going on. And yes we have a 7 year old


Seriously Dre. Wake up. It is time for boundaries and be prepared for the "quit trying to control me" accusations.


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