# Husband having multiple affairs w/ strippers



## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

I found out that my husband has been having flings at the local motel.. for the last 4 years... he will only admit to what I already know .. 
there was also an area single Mom who took large amounts of money from him “loans” & paid him back with sexual acts
He says they all were BJ’s only ... I found out 2 months ago & he just recently moved back in our home... he doesn’t want to discuss much ... says that was 2017 & now it’s 2018 & let’s have a fresh start & he promises it won’t happen again....
I need advice....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

He’s lying.

Kick his ass to the curb and file for divorce first thing tomorrow morning.

After all, it’s not like you can make a fresh start with that husband-sized sack of crap hanging around.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

There's no way for you to make a fresh start without knowing what you are re-starting from, besides that is just a request from him to rugsweep what he's done and let him off with no consequences. You should NOT let that happen.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> There's no way for you to make a fresh start without knowing what you are re-starting from, besides that is just a request from him to rugsweep what he's done and let him off with no consequences. You should NOT let that happen.




I was able to retrieve screen shots from his “Thursday girl” who was a stripper who is now in prison for heroin & child endangerment charges.... he often would get her to bring another girl along .... but if it was bj only, why the 2nd girl?
He swears there was no sex



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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I was able to retrieve screen shots from his “Thursday girl” who was a stripper who is now in prison for heroin & child endangerment charges.... he often would get her to bring another girl along .... but if it was bj only, why the 2nd girl?
> *He swears there was no sex*


First, oral sex _is_ sex.

Second, he’s lying.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I was able to retrieve screen shots from his “Thursday girl” who was a stripper who is now in prison for heroin & child endangerment charges.... he often would get her to bring another girl along .... *but if it was bj only, why the 2nd girl?*
> He swears there was no sex


I would imagine you could add a second woman to that particular act and it would become more enjoyable. Not saying that was the case here, necessarily. But possible.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Isn't what you know enough?

I mean, if most guys found out their wives were even doing oral sex, that would be enough to kick them to the curb. On top of that, 4 years of deceit. (And it's probably more than oral sex anyway, as Gus says, but even that is enough).

Why would you stay in this situation? Especially when he won't come clean?

You really can't have a relationship with someone who a) won't be honest and b) doesn't show remorse. 

I don't see any reasonable option other than divorce, unless there is some other information you are not telling us that is pertinent.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Isn't what you know enough?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I love him & just wanted to get through the holidays - I caught him on Nov 2

He claims he did it because our sex life was in a  phase ... but that was mostly from him going out several nights a week & coming in drunk & picking fights w me ..... that’s not exactly for play 


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I love him & just wanted to get through the holidays - I caught him on Nov 2
> 
> He claims he did it because our sex life was in a  phase ... but that was mostly from him going out several nights a week & coming in drunk & picking fights w me ..... that’s not exactly for play
> 
> ...




He also claims that I was using him.. financially, I would take cc & go to grocery, get gas... nothing extreme .. he is very controlling ... he sees everything as being his & likes for me to ask for permission to use marital $$ 



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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I love him & just wanted to get through the holidays - I caught him on Nov 2
> 
> He claims he did it because our sex life was in a  phase ... but that was mostly from him going out several nights a week & coming in drunk & picking fights w me ..... that’s not exactly for play
> 
> ...


A phase? For 4 years? I call BS on that. 

Dump him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i do not think the proper name for these women is "Strippers". 
"prostitutes" sounds more like it.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> i do not think the proper name for these women is "Strippers".
> 
> "prostitutes" sounds more like it.




He paid them $200 each time & supposedly just for a BJ — I have so far discovered 4 over a 4 year period 


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Please go get STD tested.
This man has been risking your health.
He's a cheater. Cheaters lie. So don't believe any of his BS. 

My advice? Let him go. He's no good.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Isn't what you know enough?
> 
> *I mean, if most guys found out their wives were even doing oral sex, that would be enough to kick them to the curb.* On top of that, 4 years of deceit. (And it's probably more than oral sex anyway, as Gus says, but even that is enough).
> 
> ...


i agree with the above...wholeheartedly. :frown2:

hole-heart..idly. A play on words. The play is a tragedy. Not Shakespearean, Falstaff-ian [his false staff] representation. 

Think hard.....him hard...:|
Where had those mouths been... prior. What lunch prior, marrow taken from chicken bones...yuk! :|

THIS, A cheaters dream, a wife's nightmare. 

He won't come clean? No, he came, she cleaned.

If this makes you sick, OP, I hope it makes you gone, done.

Sorry.. :|


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I found out that my husband has been having flings at the local motel.. for the last 4 years... he will only admit to what I already know ..
> there was also an area single Mom who took large amounts of money from him “loans” & paid him back with sexual acts
> He says they all were BJ’s only ... I found out 2 months ago & he just recently moved back in our home... he doesn’t want to discuss much ... says that was 2017 & now it’s 2018 & let’s have a fresh start & he promises it won’t happen again....
> I need advice....


I’m skeptical he won’t do this again. He hardly sounds remorseful. Claiming they’re BJs only. What does that mean? It is still cheating and there are no levels to cheating. He sounds like he got caught, know he’s wrong and just doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. No, he’s lost that right when he betrayed you. 

Your husband doesn’t sound like a keeper. You have to ask yourself what is worth working for if you want to R? He needs consequences for his actions.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I was able to retrieve screen shots from his “Thursday girl” who was a stripper *who is now in prison for heroin & child endangerment charges.*... he often would get her to bring *another girl along .... but if it was bj only, why the 2nd girl?
> He swears there was no sex*





Uhenrcx0531 said:


> *I love him & just wanted to get through the holidays* - I caught him on Nov 2
> 
> He claims *he did it because our sex life* was in a  phase ... but that was mostly from him going out *several nights a week & coming in drunk & picking fights w me ..... that’s not exactly for play
> *





Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He also claims that *I was using him.. financially,* I would take cc & go to grocery, get gas... nothing extreme .. *he is very controlling ... he sees everything as being his & likes for me to ask for permission to use marital $$ *





Uhenrcx0531 said:


> *He paid them $200 each time & supposedly just for a BJ* — I have so far discovered 4 over a 4 year period


Where to start?

What do you want? Seriously what do you want? You need to figure out the answer to that question.

You and your H's marriage as you once knew it is over. It can never be the same. With the right attitude on the part of your H (which his attempts at rug sweeping are not) and a lot of hard work and commitment by both of you, you might be able to build a new marriage with him, but it would be different and potentially fail if he is not 100% a changed man. But that is something you and he get to decide, mostly you.

First, his choice in prostitutes does not say much about him. She is a heroine addict who endangered a child? You really need to be tested for STD's and if it were me, I would demand he be tested every 3 to 6 months for the rest of your marriage until you are confident he has changed his cheating ways. He obviously has no concern for his health or yours by having sex acts with a high risk drug addict. While BJ's with a "clean" woman are "low risk" if a condom is used, they are slightly higher risk without, but there are lots of virus & diseases that can still be passed along from skin contact from a high risk (drug addict) partner.

I am surprised you are viewing a BJ as not being sex. But that is your choice. 

Depending on where you are living, from what I have read (no experience) $200 per prostitute for a low class prostitute sounds like it would be more than a BJ. If it was $200 for two it might have just been a BJ. $200 from a high class escort might be just a quick BJ. You will never really know what happened, 100%.

Now his behavior. Drinking to the point of coming home drunk and picking fights, is not marriage material. Controlling money so he can spend it on going out drinking and on prostitutes is not the sign of a good husband. You should be able to do better than that. Which means he needs to work on changing himself or you should move on and divorce him. 

To reconcile will take a lot of hard work. He needs to understand that he destroyed the trust in your marriage. Unless he is fully committed to doing everything possible to restoring the trust and changing himself and his attitudes toward you, you have low odds of reconciling, unless you just don't care about his cheating.

I am most curious as to what you meant when you said, "...I love him & just wanted to get through the holidays...." You got through the holidays. Now what? OK, I get that you loved him once and may want to see if you can't again love him. But to love him after what he has done either means you don't care what he did and are fine with his doing it again in the future or he really becomes a changed person worthy of your love.

You need to do some serious thinking about what you want. If he has money to blow on prostitutes and drinking then he has money enough for you to see a counselor to figure things out and money enough for you to talk to a divorce attorney so you fully understand your options.

Good luck.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

My advice is it will happen again.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> Where to start?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




There were multiple strippers .. and one woman I know who is a single mom who will do just about anything for $$$ 

He says: look, I have a new found love for you, let’s put 2017 behind us & focus on 2018... no more bringing up what happened .... 

I’m not ok with that .... 
We have been married 8 years & I work p/t
He is a successful stock broker & has always controlled the money... 
I’m in FL right now w/ my 2 teenage girls... if I bring up the infidelities... his response is: who is on vacation right now? That cost you nothing ... so let’s forget about it & move forward... I promise I won’t do it again.

I believe the only reason why he stopped is because he got caught! 



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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Satya said:


> Please go get STD tested.
> This man has been risking your health.
> He's a cheater. Cheaters lie. So don't believe any of his BS.
> 
> My advice? Let him go. He's no good.




I did get tested.. & believe he is unable to tell me the truth about anything related to this subject.. he claims he wasn’t getting enough sex at home & I wasn’t giving him the love & affection he needed ... so instead of starting an emotional affair... he went for the physical, business transaction ... I asked how he could do this for 4 years with multiple women ? He couldn’t answer me.... I asked: tell me a time you felt guilty? He said: all of the time .... I said .. tell me an occasion. & he couldn’t 


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

"Hey honey, things will be fine, just forget about the fact that I ****ed a few women for money behind your back. I'm a different man, I swear! You can see it by the fact that absolutely nothing else has changed about me! It's just a coincidence that I found new love for you after I got busted!"


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Your husband clearly doesn’t respect you. 

To say this cost you nothing, yes he’s earning more of the money but it oozes arrogance on his part. 

To say let’s not talk about 2017 and sweep his infidelity under the carpet he’s walking over you and showing you that he doesn’t really care he’s hurt you. 

I’m very hesitant to suggest divorce in all my posts but here is one marriage that is unhealthy and damaged close to beyond tepair.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

toblerone said:


> "Hey honey, things will be fine, just forget about the fact that I ****ed a few women for money behind your back. I'm a different man, I swear! You can see it by the fact that absolutely nothing else has changed about me! It's just a coincidence that I found new love for you after I got busted!"




Ouch! 
I think I’ve been an idiot... I am struggling .. I don’t want to be single yet, I don’t want to be with someone who lies & cheats... thank you for your reply


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Ouch!
> I think I’ve been an idiot... I am struggling .. I don’t want to be single yet, I don’t want to be with someone who lies & cheats... thank you for your reply
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


He's been having sex with prostitutes in singles and in groups. Oral sex and vaginal sex, from the sounds of the pricing. Not only is he a walking petri dish, he's a fairly disgusting human being and seems to be an alcoholic ******* on top of it all. 


Hon, single or with someone who lies and cheats are your only options here. Either you leave the serial cheater and are single or you stay with the serial cheater, turn a blind eye the next 100 times he cheats, and suck it up for the comfy lifestyle. Your choice.

Were I you, I'd get a shark lawyer, file for the divorce, and hit him for every red cent you're legally entitled to plus whatever assets you can get and a nice alimony and child support package. If you can't afford a lawyer on your p/t income, that's ok. You can request the court order him to pay your legal fees.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

First, he's been cheating for at least half of your marriage. Second, cheaters lie. I'd guess he's actually been cheating for all of your marriage, but he's only willing to cop to what you can already prove. 

The thing with serial cheaters is that they generally really don't think they're doing anything wrong. Their goal, when caught, is to get their betrayed spouse to shut up and stop making a fuss so that they can get back to life as usual. And that life as usual is always going to include a little something extra on the side. Serial cheaters simply do not ever stop on a permanent basis. I'm not sure they're actually even capable of it. 

So, if you love him enough to stay married to him, you're going to need to find a way to be okay with him cheating with prostitutes. Oh, and also with other women. There have likely been encounters of one type or another with a few friends or co-workers along the way, and maybe some random hookups on business trips if he travels for work. If you want to stay married to him, you have to decide for yourself that you can tolerate, even embrace, the truth of that as an ongoing aspect of your lives together. Otherwise, there will simply be drama and anxiety every time you catch him or suspect him, over and over and over again for the rest of your marriage. If you don't enjoy that type of drama, then you'll either have to divorce or make a conscious and ongoing commitment to ignore his extra-curriculars. Because they aren't going to stop and he isn't ever going to be really sorry. Just as he's not really sorry he's controlling, or an alcoholic. He, and what he wants at any given moment, simply matters more to him than you do. 

Are the advantages of staying with him worth a lifetime of this?


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Rowan said:


> First, he's been cheating for at least half of your marriage. Second, cheaters lie. I'd guess he's actually been cheating for all of your marriage, but he's only willing to cop to what you can already prove.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




No.. I have battle fatigue... I have 2 teenage daughters that are watching how I handle this ... it’s just a lot to deal with .... I had absolutely zero clue! None! 
His best friend is the one that told me ... they would often have 3somes with all of these *****s


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

4 years of affairs with multiple women is not a slip, a stray, or a lapse in judgement. It is a lifestyle.

Not sure why he is back in the home based on his word. His word is worthless, as he is a liar and has proven himself to be one over the past 4 years. You have let him completely off the hook.

Him not wanting to talk about it is convenient for him, but what about your need to heal and to know what you are forgiving? 

My advice: kick him out. If he wants you back, he starts working for it. He has to be accountable for his time and his money. He has to start seeing a therapist. He has to be truly remorseful. He has to own up to what he has done to you and your marriage. He has to win your trust back. My guess: he is not up to the challenge. As long as you are not too much work and you continue to be his wife, he will stick around.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

If he blames your sex life... and did nothing to try to fix it... then who is truly to blame?

I cant imagine someone who was getting 'blowjobs' from two strippers able to quit that as a new years resolution. There will be a day, sometime soon, maybe sometime down the road.. that he will try it again after a week or two of bad sex. Do you really need to be thinking about this if you get your period followed by a week of the flu? Two weeks without giving him sex and wont you be wondering if hes back with those strippers?


Actions are stronger than words... Is he trying to fix your relationship (sexual and emotional)


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It’s pretty clear he sees you the same way he sees them. Not as an equal partner but as someone he pays for trouble free sex. 


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> There were multiple strippers .. and one woman I know who is a single mom who will do just about anything for $$$


I wouldn't refer to her as a "single mom". She's a hooker. That's the proper term....or prostitute...or *****, whatever you prefer.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> No.. I have battle fatigue... I have 2 teenage daughters that are watching how I handle this ... it’s just a lot to deal with .... I had absolutely zero clue! None!
> His best friend is the one that told me ... they would often have 3somes with all of these *****s
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If you want to teach your daughters to have self respect then you can't tolerate this in any way whatsoever and you need to deal out some very harsh life-altering consequences to your cheating husband. If you let him get away with it then when they're adults they will allow themselves to be treated just as badly by a cheating spouse. Is that what you want?


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

pragmaticGoddess said:


> I’m skeptical he won’t do this again. He hardly sounds remorseful. Claiming they’re BJs only. What does that mean? It is still cheating and there are no levels to cheating. He sounds like he got caught, know he’s wrong and just doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. No, he’s lost that right when he betrayed you.
> 
> Your husband doesn’t sound like a keeper. You have to ask yourself what is worth working for if you want to R? He needs consequences for his actions.




He chose BJ’s because it’s physical, no emotion.. I think it hurts either way — being with another woman— I mean women ...... 


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

NickyT said:


> 4 years of affairs with multiple women is not a slip, a stray, or a lapse in judgement. It is a lifestyle.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




He spent 6 weeks in a hotel & im not legally allowed to keep him out.. he told me I could put a tracker on his phone, have access to all of his passwords & that he would get a new cell number .... the only thing he did was add another line & forwarded his old number to the new one


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He spent 6 weeks in a hotel & im not legally allowed to keep him out.. he told me I could put a tracker on his phone, have access to all of his passwords & that he would get a new cell number .... the only thing he did was add another line & forwarded his old number to the new one
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


'

Sounds like it is time to call a lawyer.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He spent 6 weeks in a hotel & im not legally allowed to keep him out.. he told me I could put a tracker on his phone, have access to all of his passwords & that he would get a new cell number .... the only thing he did was add another line & forwarded his old number to the new one


All he’d have to do is to leave whichever phone he knows you’re tracking at work, run off and do whatever (or _who_ever), and then tell you he was too busy to answer his phone when you called.

Keeping tabs on a wayward (and especially a _serial_ wayward) via means he or she is aware of will net you nothing.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

I do not believe that your husband has only had sex with hookers. Seen this too many times. I would bet all I have that your husband is a serial cheater and has had many affairs - beyond hookers. He has no respect for you; for his children; or anyone for that matter that is not himself. 

My question is - why do you think so little of yourself that you would even consider putting up with this? Why have you not filed for divorce? He put your life at risk - do you not see this? Your husband is not who you thought he was - you need to except this reality and develop a plan to move on with your life. 

The question you should be asking the people on this site is - how do I divorce (and end up in the best situation possible) so as to get away from this person who used to be considered my husband

PS. I hope that is not a real picture of you - this is an anonymous site and really there is no positive reason to post your picture.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Aspydad said:


> I do not believe that your husband has only had sex with hookers. Seen this too many times. I would bet all I have that your husband is a serial cheater and has had many affairs - beyond hookers. He has no respect for you; for his children; or anyone for that matter that is not himself.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




He makes really good money & seems to identify himself with his wallet ... very controlling w money.... 
yes be been with him 10 years & don’t even know how to start over


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I was able to retrieve screen shots from his “Thursday girl” who was a stripper who is now in prison for heroin & child endangerment charges.... he often would get her to bring another girl along .... but if it was bj only, why the 2nd girl?
> He swears there was no sex
> 
> This is truly laughable.
> ...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He makes really good money & seems to identify himself with his wallet ... very controlling w money....
> yes be been with him 10 years & don’t even know how to start over
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Many of us have done it, 10 years isnt long. Get legal advise first and go from there. I would have started divorce proceedings the first day I found out. This man has no moral values at all. I cant believe you haven't left already.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I did get tested.. & believe he is unable to tell me the truth about anything related to this subject.. he claims he wasn’t getting enough sex at home & I wasn’t giving him the love & affection he needed ... so instead of starting an emotional affair... he went for the physical, business transaction ... I asked how he could do this for 4 years with multiple women ? He couldn’t answer me.... I asked: tell me a time you felt guilty? He said: all of the time .... I said .. tell me an occasion. & he couldn’t
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Cheaters will always blame their spouse. A man who has moral values and integrity and who loves his wife will NOT cheat. He clearly isn't repentant at all, he is still blaming you. You either leave him or you accept that this will carry on, your choice.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Many of us have done it, 10 years isnt long. Get legal advise first and go from there. I would have started divorce proceedings the first day I found out. This man has no moral values at all. I cant believe you haven't left already.




I have 2 kids & 5 animals —- was in shock for weeks & in disbelief that he could do that to us ..... 


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> There were multiple strippers .. and one woman I know who is a single mom who will do just about anything for $$$
> 
> He says: look, I have a new found love for you, let’s put 2017 behind us & focus on 2018... no more bringing up what happened ....
> 
> ...


It is pretty clear you know what to do. It is also clear that he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions and repent.

Finally, if you have two teenage daughters, think about what kind of life lesson and role model you will be for them and their future marriages, if you just let this slide.

Good Luck. In any divorce settlement get counseling for your daughters included as part of the settlement. They will likely be hurt by this as much or more than you are.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Uhenrcx0531 This is your best course of action:-


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

Let’s see: He’s a liar, a serial cheater, doesn’t like to own up to his actions, uses family funds for nefarious activities, pays strippers and prostitutes (drug addicted and child endangering strippers and prostitutes no less), yet wants to micromanage YOUR spending, goes out drinking without you and picks fights with you, potentially exposed you to STDs and your entire family to various unsavory characters, blames you for all of it and you want him back, why?!?

What, exactly, is there to love about this man?


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

MidnightBlue said:


> Let’s see: He’s a liar, a serial cheater, doesn’t like to own up to his actions, uses family funds for nefarious activities, pays strippers and prostitutes (drug addicted and child endangering strippers and prostitutes no less), yet wants to micromanage YOUR spending, goes out drinking without you and picks fights with you, potentially exposed you to STDs and your entire family to various unsavory characters, blames you for all of it and you want him back, why?!?
> 
> 
> 
> What, exactly, is there to love about this man?




That is by far the best description of him & our relationship - thank you


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> What, exactly, is there to love about this man?


Nothing to love about the man. His wallet and lifestyle he provides her might be what she is hanging on to.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Nothing to love about the man. His wallet and lifestyle he provides her might be what she is hanging on to.



She can keep the lifestyle after tossing him into the same gutter in which he has been wallowing. Normally, I don’t think women should be permitted to screw over men in divorce, but in this case, I think he’s earned it. Lord knows the man has done plenty of screwing of his own.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> That is by far the best description of him & our relationship - thank you
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




So one of the strippers called me from prison — asked if I would put $10 on her phone account — suspects that her BF is cheating on her

I asked questions about their Knights Inn hook ups .... she said they met at stop Club 2 years ago, had sex a few times, wore protection — BUT — he loved oral sex & did that all the time ... so it went to oral & bj’s

So you do oral on a stripper & wear a condom when you f*** her??
I’m blown away


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> First, oral sex _is_ sex.
> 
> 
> 
> Second, he’s lying.




Just found out that he did in fact have sex with 1 of them .. wore protection & loved doing oral on her ... disgusts me ...
So you wear protection & then do oral?? He is a smart, educated man!



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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Just found out that he did in fact have sex with 1 of them .. wore protection & loved doing oral on her ... disgusts me ...
> So you wear protection & then do oral?? He is a smart, educated man!
> 
> 
> ...


So you have 2 Choices. Stay married to a man with no moral values, no intention of being faithful, no integrity, who lies, who commits adultery, who cares nothing for your emotional or physical well being; or you get legal advise and start divorce proceedings.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> No.. I have battle fatigue... I have 2 teenage daughters that are watching how I handle this ... it’s just a lot to deal with .... I had absolutely zero clue! None!
> His best friend is the one that told me ... they would often have 3somes with all of these *****s


Why did his best friend tell you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He makes really good money & seems to identify himself with his wallet ... very controlling w money....
> yes be been with him 10 years & don’t even know how to start over


You start over one day at a time.

Get copies of all the legal and financial papers you can find. Even get copies (or photos) of everything in his wallet.

See a lawyer and start the divorce papers.

Get a full time job.

Right now you are teaching your daughters that this is what they have to look forward to --- being mistreated, controlled and cheated on. Show them what a strong woman does... she dumps a man like this.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Why did his best friend tell you?




They had a falling out & spilled 
He also told me he was under the impression that I was the kind of wife that looks the other way .... when he realized I wasn’t that type of wife ... he decided to spill
Everything has been  


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are feeling weak and empty after your heart has been broken by a ********* of a husband. You will find that there are lots of good men looking for a good woman. There is zero reason for you to stay in this "marriage".

See an attorney. Take no prisoners. Your husband who swore to protect you and keep you safe has destroyed your self esteem, broken your heart, exposed you to life threatening illnesses, and broke all his vows to you. You have every reason to crush him in this divorce. Do it.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> You are feeling weak and empty after your heart has been broken by a ********* of a husband. You will find that there are lots of good men looking for a good woman. There is zero reason for you to stay in this "marriage".
> 
> 
> 
> See an attorney. Take no prisoners. Your husband who swore to protect you and keep you safe has destroyed your self esteem, broken your heart, exposed you to life threatening illnesses, and broke all his vows to you. You have every reason to crush him in this divorce. Do it.




I am .... he keeps saying ... that’s so last year.. new year, we aren’t talking about 2017

I need answers .. I want to know a lot of “why” questions .... he blames me for his actions 


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

@Uhenrcx0531 it is important to know that while every marriage will have its problems and each partner bears 50% of the responsibility, the choice to cheat is 100% on the cheater and none at all on the betrayed spouse. Period, dot, end of sentence. You do this and you don't do that - whatever. None of it is an excuse for cheating. There are so many other ways to resolve your marital problems besides stepping out.

It is unfortunate that he seems to have been somewhat successful (from what I can tell from your posts) in his blameshifting. Please do not accept any blame whatsoever for his affairs - either internally or in your conversations with him. YOU DID NOTHING TO CAUSE THIS. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

One of the best benefits of coming to forums like this and SI (survivinginfidelity.com) after my wife's affair is that I learned the principle that the choice to cheat is 100% on the cheater. And it made me stronger and "immunized" me to her blameshifting, which she tried like hell to do. But I have never for a second believed her affair was my fault.

Blameshifting is standard in the cheater's playbook. You're falling for it. DON'T FALL FOR IT. It's your husband's fault, and his fault only. Period, dot, end of sentence.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Just found out that he did in fact have sex with 1 of them .. wore protection & loved doing oral on her ... disgusts me ...
> So you wear protection & then do oral?? He is a smart, educated man!


He had sex with all of them and likely used protection with none of them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I am .... he keeps saying ... that’s so last year.. new year, we aren’t talking about 2017
> 
> I need answers .. I want to know a lot of “why” questions .... he blames me for his actions


Do you let him get away with blaming you? Why do you put up with this nonsense?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Just found out that he did in fact have sex with 1 of them .. wore protection & loved doing oral on her ... disgusts me ...
> So you wear protection & then do oral?? He is a smart, educated man!


Smart? No
Educated? Not, in regards to STD's or marriage vows nor being a roll model for two teenage daughters.

You should tell him about her call and what you learned. 

More importantly you should figure out what you are going to tell your daughters, your parents and your family........and your husband's parents. For your daughters' grandparents, I would tell them of what you have learned, if you have decided to divorce him, that there is no chance of reconciliation, but that your daughters grandparents are always welcome to visit their grandchildren, but never with their son.

Good luck.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I need answers .. I want to know a lot of “why” questions .... he blames me for his actions


No you don't need answers. You need a plan for how you and your daughters are going to move forward and emotionally heal.

Searching for "answers" that will explain why he did what he did are diverting you from formulating a plan. It is a way of tricking yourself so that you don't have to make hard painful decisions.

Good luck


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> No you don't need answers. You need a plan for how you and your daughters are going to move forward and emotionally heal.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




True


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

A fresh start from what? Another year of Rug Sweeping and cheating behaviour or a fresh start where you rid yourself of this vile piece of crap. The choice is yours.

BTW he is lying about the blow jobs. He slept with her.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He is a serial cheater who feels entitled because he's such a big shot moneymaker.

Just remember that you risk your life if you stay with him. He won't stop and the STDs around are very dangerous. HPV is at epidemic levels and causes deadly cervical cancer before you know it.

Really, he won't stop, no matter what he says now.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

There's this thing that abusive people do that I've heard described as "pressing the reset button". They want to just say, "oh, that's over now, so it's all good" and have their victims agree that whatever vile stuff they did before is somehow magically gone and the entire relationship can continue on as if it had never happened. It's like they're saying that if they aren't abusing you right that moment, that the fact that they have a long history of abusing you doesn't have any relevance at all for the relationship as a whole. Worse, I'm pretty sure a lot of them actually _believe_ that it doesn't have any relevance. Anything that happened prior to whenever they want to press that imaginary reset button is simply irrelevant, like it never happened at all. What's done is done and has no bearing at all on anything moving forward. If their victim doesn't agree, well then they're just "being difficult" or "acting crazy" or "refusing to just let it go". It's crazy-making. 

And that's exactly what your husband is trying to do now, OP. He wants to push the reset button. Since he's not actively cheating right this moment, the fact that he's a serial cheater should have no relevance at all to your relationship. He can't understand why you're insisting on putting up a fuss about something that happened 'in the past' when he's just told you it's not happening now. In his worldview, you aren't entitled to feel any way that he doesn't want you to feel. He's pushed the reset button, so you're no longer allowed to be impacted by anything that happened before. If you're unwilling to play along with that, then he's going to view you as the source of the problems in your marriage. Because he lacks the capacity to see himself as the source of those problems.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You'll never get answers so you need to decide to stay or go based on the facts you know now. Many would have already left. Only you know if you can continue a marriage like the one you have.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> They had a falling out & spilled
> He also told me he was under the impression that I was the kind of wife that looks the other way .... when he realized I wasn’t that type of wife ... he decided to spill
> Everything has been
> 
> ...


If you haven't started taking steps to divorce, you ARE the kind of wife who looks the other way.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> If you haven't started taking steps to divorce, you ARE the kind of wife who looks the other way.


She discovered this sometime in November. She and her daughters took a vacation in Florida for the holidays. For whatever reason she probably wanted to put on a "good front" so as not to create a depressing Christmas (and maybe Thanksgiving) for her daughters. 

If she really knew sometime in November and she devoted Thanksgiving and Christmas to her daughters, I don't think she is the kind of person who looks away. It is January 4th. If she hasn't started either divorce proceeding or (God forbid) some kind of hopeless attempt at reconciliation, within a few weeks than you may be right. 

I view her as in total emotional shock. Sort of PTSD. She needs to pull herself together for the benefit of her daughters AND herself. She seems to be processing what happened, she appears to be trying to formulate a plan. She needs to adopt the Nike slogan....just do it.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> She discovered this sometime in November. She and her daughters took a vacation in Florida for the holidays. For whatever reason she probably wanted to put on a "good front" so as not to create a depressing Christmas (and maybe Thanksgiving) for her daughters.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Just got home from Florida, & yes... I still at times think I’m still in shock .... I don’t know the man I’m living with now... he wants to forget about his infidelities & go forward with 2018.. 
That’s not happening .. he has a new found Love for me .. imagine that  right after he gets caught with a prostitute in a Knights Inn parking lot... im going to roll up my sleeves, decide on which attorney that will fight for me ... we have been married 9 years .. no prenup & no kids together .. so I see it at being somewhat easy ? It’s a mathematical equation 


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Just got home from Florida, & yes... I still at times think I’m still in shock .... I don’t know the man I’m living with now... he wants to forget about his infidelities & go forward with 2018..
> That’s not happening .. he has a new found Love for me .. imagine that  right after he gets caught with a prostitute in a Knights Inn parking lot... im going to roll up my sleeves, decide on which attorney that will fight for me ... we have been married 9 years .. no prenup & no kids together .. so I see it at being somewhat easy ? It’s a mathematical equation
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 @Uhenrcx0531 You aren't ending your marriage. Your husband already did that.

We'll be here for you.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Check to see if he has a moral turpitude clause in his job contract, if yes then he has violated that clause and can be fired. This was one of my bullets when I found out my ex had been doing exactly what your has been doing. It was worth $1000 bucks a month in alimony, I kept my mouth shut to his employer and he kept his job so he could pay me and also pay child support. I think this was pretty cheap since he did give me an STD which causes cancer. 

Give yourself a big hug, hire a good lawyer and disconnect from your husband. I had enough evidence to make my divorce so fast...filed onApril 1 and by my May 30 I was divorced, 16 years of my life lost to a cheater.
Please remember you are not at fault for his actions, those belong only to him, he had choices and he picked the one that made him happy. If you would like to PM me I would happy to talk to you as I went through the same exact thing. Big hugs to you! Stay strong for your kids and yourself.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Just got home from Florida, & yes... I still at times think I’m still in shock .... I don’t know the man I’m living with now... he wants to forget about his infidelities & go forward with 2018..
> That’s not happening ..... * im going to roll up my sleeves, decide on which attorney that will fight for me ... we have been married 9 years .. no prenup & no kids together .. so I see it at being somewhat easy ? It’s a mathematical equation *


:iagree:

Now focus on your future and that of your daughters.

Tell your divorce attorney that you want some Individual Counseling for each of your daughters as part of your child support payments. He hurt you and he hurt his daughters. (even if not biologically his--he WAS acting as their father). Focus on protecting your daughters and yourself. Also be as kind and gentle to his parents, your daughters may view them as grandparents and they may share that view (or not). His parents may also feel shame and betrayal when they learn about their son's behavior.

Good luck! Make your plan and implement it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He destroyed the marriage covenant long ago, you are merely making it legal. I cant get over his total arrogance that you should just forget it and move on. There is no repentance, no attempt to rebuild the trust or to enable you to heal, no sorrow for what he has done and no allowance for you to be hurt and angry. 
Its pretty clear that he will carry on his appalling behaviour, he doesn't think he has done anything wrong because it was apparently your fault.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Rowan said:


> There's this thing that abusive people do that I've heard described as "pressing the reset button". They want to just say, "oh, that's over now, so it's all good" and have their victims agree that whatever vile stuff they did before is somehow magically gone and the entire relationship can continue on as if it had never happened. It's like they're saying that if they aren't abusing you right that moment, that the fact that they have a long history of abusing you doesn't have any relevance at all for the relationship as a whole. Worse, I'm pretty sure a lot of them actually _believe_ that it doesn't have any relevance. Anything that happened prior to whenever they want to press that imaginary reset button is simply irrelevant, like it never happened at all. What's done is done and has no bearing at all on anything moving forward. If their victim doesn't agree, well then they're just "being difficult" or "acting crazy" or "refusing to just let it go". It's crazy-making.
> 
> And that's exactly what your husband is trying to do now, OP. He wants to push the reset button. Since he's not actively cheating right this moment, the fact that he's a serial cheater should have no relevance at all to your relationship. He can't understand why you're insisting on putting up a fuss about something that happened 'in the past' when he's just told you it's not happening now. In his worldview, you aren't entitled to feel any way that he doesn't want you to feel. He's pushed the reset button, so you're no longer allowed to be impacted by anything that happened before. If you're unwilling to play along with that, then he's going to view you as the source of the problems in your marriage. Because he lacks the capacity to see himself as the source of those problems.




He says the reason why he cheated with multiple strippers over multiple years is that he didn’t feel that he was getting the love & attention he needed from me ————- 


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He says the reason why he cheated with multiple strippers over multiple years is that he didn’t feel that he was getting the love & attention he needed from me ————-
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That's the males excuse for cheating. even if this was the case, no excuse is good enough for cheating


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tom72 said:


> That's the males excuse for cheating. even if this was the case, no excuse is good enough for cheating


Actually, that excuse works for both male and female cheaters.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> Actually, that excuse works for both male and female cheaters.




I feel like I could move forward if he would just own up to something? it’s been since Nov 2nd & if he hasn’t spilled any info, I guess he won’t ... 
I don’t believe you can be unfaithful over several years with several people & not feel bad about it in some way? 
& what makes you switch around ? Do you get bored ? 



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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I feel like I could move forward if he would just own up to something? it’s been since Nov 2nd & if he hasn’t spilled any info, I guess he won’t ...
> I don’t believe you can be unfaithful over several years with several people & not feel bad about it in some way?
> & what makes you switch around ? Do you get bored ?
> 
> ...


Bored, people change. Maybe you weren't his ideal spouse. I think when people do the worst of the worst, they continue to live in that fantasy world. That's all it is

See how he spills the beans if you pack up his **** and throw it in another room or outside

His hoping you'll get over it and forget it, it'll make him feel better. Dont allow it to happen


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

tom72 said:


> Bored, people change. Maybe you weren't his ideal spouse. I think when people do the worst of the worst, they continue to live in that fantasy world. That's all it is
> 
> See how he spills the beans if you pack up his **** and throw it in another room or outside
> 
> His hoping you'll get over it and forget it, it'll make him feel better. Dont allow it to happen




He doesn’t see what he did as being the worst of the worst ... at least that’s what he is telling me .. 
I now feel that while we are in this limbo stage that I have to be extra sexual? Act, say & do things to keep him from straying? 
That’s a lot of pressure ... & frankly I don’t think I deserve that!
Yet I won’t take any action to move forward one way or the other ... we do have marriage counseling this week 
Will see how that goes 


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

tom72 said:


> Bored, people change. Maybe you weren't his ideal spouse. I think when people do the worst of the worst, they continue to live in that fantasy world. That's all it is
> 
> See how he spills the beans if you pack up his **** and throw it in another room or outside
> 
> His hoping you'll get over it and forget it, it'll make him feel better. Dont allow it to happen




Bored with me AND with the many strippers/ town *****s? Sounds like a lot to digest — 
So you think even though he swears that was the old David & this is the new David, who btw has a new appreciation & love for me (since he got caught)
You think he will continue to cheat if I stay with him ?




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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

If there is no acknowledgement....then there can be no remorse...if no remorse why would he stop.
for your own health and well being move on, he is not the man you knew...but a shell of him


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> If there is no acknowledgement....then there can be no remorse...if no remorse why would he stop.
> 
> for your own health and well being move on, he is not the man you knew...but a shell of him




He acknowledges that he got a “few random bj’s” over the last 4 years .... 
that is not true .. he has had multiple long term hook ups w random strippers 

The remorse thing I don’t get ... he said he is showing his remorse through staying at home now vs going out w friends & going to happy hours, etc...


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Bored with me AND with the many strippers/ town *****s? Sounds like a lot to digest —
> So you think even though he swears that was the old David & this is the new David, who btw has a new appreciation & love for me (since he got caught)
> You think he will continue to cheat if I stay with him ?
> 
> ...


I think he would be stuck in the fantasy world and loves the thrill.

It's fake and it will die off. His intentions may be in the right spot right now but can he sustain it? I know somebody who cheated on his wife, since busted he has been "the perfect man", till recently he was still talking to his AP ("about how much he ****ed up", yeah right). He rug swept it all and bad mouthed the AP behind the scenes.

Get him to take a poly and see how much he confesses to.

I hope he does change if your willing for R however just don't get your hopes up or let your guard down. I do wish the best for you and hope it works out for you either way. I'm for redemption if they prove themselves to be worthy of it.



Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He doesn’t see what he did as being the worst of the worst ... at least that’s what he is telling me ..
> I now feel that while we are in this limbo stage that I have to be extra sexual? Act, say & do things to keep him from straying?
> That’s a lot of pressure ... & frankly I don’t think I deserve that!
> Yet I won’t take any action to move forward one way or the other ... we do have marriage counseling this week
> ...


Just insensitive and selfish. How somebody can try and manipulate after such a horrible experience and not acknowledge their feelings?

You don't deserve it, why should you care for somebody that never cared for you? I think your just living in fear (I can understand, I've been there). Still hurts me some days, but the light is getting brighter each day. No way did I imagine my life without my ex, but I don't deserve to be treated in such a way, especially with no remorse and attempt to downplay everything. You may look like life would be easier for R however will you be happy or live with regrets? Will you regret giving him the chance to rug sweep it? Will it help you in the future if it's all rug swept, and your made out to look so insecure?

I know I'm regretting for allowing it all to be rug swept (when we attempted reconcile). I expected therapy to work (we saw a **** one), I thought she woke up and would redeem her self. Their so stuck in their fantasy world with guilt & thrill that somebody needs to rip them out from it and show reality

Do I miss the person I fell in love with? Yes. Has she changed and do I deserve to be treated with respect? Yes (took some time to open my eyes, but getting there). Despite our faults, NOBODY deserves this

There's such selfish people out there living in a fantasy world. I was skeptical at the start when people said it's the same script every-time. I thought my ex would be different as I remembered the old her and thought she would make it through because of the guilt, broken family etc, but you know what? It's the same script, every-time.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He acknowledges that he got a “few random bj’s” over the last 4 years ....
> that is not true .. he has had multiple long term hook ups w random strippers
> 
> The remorse thing I don’t get ... he said he is showing his remorse through staying at home now vs going out w friends & going to happy hours, etc...
> ...


that is not remorse...that is being caught and now doing penance....big difference.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> that is not remorse...that is being caught and now doing penance....big difference.




Thank you!
I’m so glad I stumbled across this forum... my husband doesn’t like it, but it is really helping me go through this process!


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Wolfman1968 said:


> A phase? For 4 years? I call BS on that.
> 
> 
> 
> Dump him.




I don’t believe anyone can be miserably married for for years & justify it by having affairs ... 
& btw - I don’t recall being miserably married 
I thinks it’s an excuse 


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## KaggyBear (Jan 16, 2017)

GET CHECKED FOR STDS! and divorce his ass


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I now feel that while we are in this limbo stage that I have to be extra sexual? Act, say & do things to keep him from straying?


Or else what? He will go back to messing around with strippers? That's not a very good or stable reason to rug sweep and reward him. Eventually, you'll develop strong resentment of him, then you will be disappointed with yourself by how you are handling this.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Steve1000 said:


> Or else what? He will go back to messing around with strippers? That's not a very good or stable reason to rug sweep and reward him. Eventually, you'll develop strong resentment of him, then you will be disappointed with yourself by how you are handling this.




It’s already become exhausting —- 
I am rewarding his bad behavior —— not fair.. I’m soo thankful for this forum 
My husband is very manipulative 


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I would be angry with one BJ. Your husband is attempting to downplay his cheating. Unfortunately cheating is cheating. There are no levels to cheating. What’s more worrying is his attitude to his infidelity compared to the actual cheating. 

He tells you to move on. Unfortunately for him he doesn’t have that right.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

pragmaticGoddess said:


> I would be angry with one BJ. Your husband is attempting to downplay his cheating. Unfortunately cheating is cheating. There are no levels to cheating. What’s more worrying is his attitude to his infidelity compared to the actual cheating.
> 
> He tells you to move on. Unfortunately for him he doesn’t have that right.




He justifies his infidelities because he claims I would online shop — without asking permission & grab his credit card without asking 
In his mind — the marital money is all his & his alone 


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He justifies his infidelities because he claims I would online shop — without asking permission & grab his credit card without asking
> In his mind — the marital money is all his & his alone
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Don't take it to heart. His just blaming to make himself feel better


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He justifies his infidelities because he claims I would online shop — without asking permission & grab his credit card without asking
> In his mind — the marital money is all his & his alone
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


My wife spends my money so to get even I will get a happy ending with a stripper.

Firstly, it doesn't justify cheating. 
Secondly, no emotional attachment to a stripper is still betrayal
Thirdly, I feel sad for you as I'm not sure if there will be an end to his infidelity. Any trust in your marriage is shattered.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> It’s already become exhausting —-
> I am rewarding his bad behavior —— not fair.. I’m soo thankful for this forum
> My husband is very manipulative


Right now, you're still in a state of shock, which makes it very difficult to think clearly. Our instincts are to do anything possible to remove some of the emotional pain, and this often leads to poor long-term decisions. Eventually, you will have a better view of this situation and the way to handle this will be more clear. In the short-term, your husband doesn't want to talk about this topic. Therefore, any talks that you have now will result in you doing 90% of the talking until another ugly fight breaks out. Therefore, I recommend keeping things to yourself for a while as you process this.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He acknowledges that *he got a “few random bj’s” over the last 4 years* ....
> that is not true .. he has had multiple long term hook ups w random strippers
> 
> *The remorse thing I don’t get *... he said he is showing his remorse through staying at home now vs going out w friends & going to happy hours, etc...
> ...


A few thoughts.

If he can have random BJ's while married, then you can have a few random meetings with a good divorce attorney. Seems fair.

Remorse is a precondition for change and acknowledgement of wrong doing.

So, *WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?*

You have been concerned about his behavior, you have talked to his stripper "sex partners." You know he cheated on you. *What if anything are you going to do about it?*

ARE YOU GOING TO LOOK AWAY AND ACCEPT HIS BEHAVIOR?

ARE YOU GOING TO DISTRACT YOURSELF, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIS BEHAVIOR?

ARE YOU GOING TO FORMULATE A PLAN FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN'S BEST FUTURE AND THEN IMPLEMENT IT?

You have some serious choices to make...................*what is your plan?*


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

So we went to marriage counseling & my husband talked non stop about nonsense — I did find out all kinds of things that bothered him ... he basically regrets that he makes 500 K a year & I make about 40k a year ... problem is .... I made around that much when we met ? 
I think he was saying anything just to keep the subject off of strippers & these *****s.... 
I’m discouraged 


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> So we went to marriage counseling & my husband talked non stop about nonsense — I did find out all kinds of things that bothered him ... he basically regrets that he makes 500 K a year & I make about 40k a year ... problem is .... I made around that much when we met ?
> I think he was saying anything just to keep the subject off of strippers & these *****s....
> I’m discouraged
> 
> ...


i


That is called stone walling...using misdirection....he's not interested in dealing with this


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> i
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Then why agree to go to marriage counseling?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Then why agree to go to marriage counseling?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


because he is arrogant, and he thinks he can snow the therapist. i suspect he thinks he is the smartest man in the room.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> because he is arrogant, and he thinks he can snow the therapist. i suspect *he thinks he is the smartest man in the room*.


And he probably is ... _if the therapist is female_


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> So we went to marriage counseling & my husband talked non stop about nonsense — I did find out all kinds of things that bothered him ... he basically regrets that he makes 500 K a year & I make about 40k a year ... problem is .... I made around that much when we met ?
> I think he was saying anything just to keep the subject off of strippers & these *****s....
> I’m discouraged
> 
> ...


Why are you still with this lying serial cheater?


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Unfortunately your husband doesn’t seem to respect you. He’s talking about his money? In my marriage there is no mine or yours. In my opinion no amount of marriage counseling will improve this situation as your husband has deeper issues that you are unable to fix. You cannot love a man into loving you. Please don’t believe this and stay.


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

Sorry to hear this. I FRIGGING HATE STRIPPERS and the whole shady strip club deal. I went undercover as a member on a male strip club site... these guys (thousands of them!) brag about all the BJ and OTC (over the counter)sex they get it is ridiculous!!! TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS!!! 

One thing I told my husband who was only doing lap dances but they are perverted as crap too was I told him, if he did it again, I was flying straight to LAS VEGAS and getting myself a super hot escort at $2k a pop on his dime. And then of course, I would divorce his ass.

Guess what, he vowed he would NEVER EVER go again. I've got my own bank account. My own job now. Dont' need him if he fails. Six months. so far so good. I still hate that part about him that he dared to think any woman would find that acceptable. IT isn't. Please... go far away from him. Threaten him with divorce. He will keep doing it especially if you allow it.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you should file for divorce and take away some of his money. I'm not usually this type of person, but he deserves it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There are several things your husband deserves.

You, his loyal, faithful and loving spouse, is not one of them.

If his income is such a burden to him, get a family court judge to relieve him of some of it in a divorce settlement.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> So we went to marriage counseling & my husband talked non stop about nonsense — I did find out all kinds of things that bothered him ... he basically regrets that he makes 500 K a year & I make about 40k a year ... problem is .... I made around that much when we met ?
> I think he was saying anything just to keep the subject off of strippers & these *****s....
> I’m discouraged
> 
> ...


Marriage counseling? Really? Are you surprised he would not address his slimy behavior? I mean it is so last year.

You really do like doing everything possible to distract yourself from what needs to be addressed.

I sincerely hope that the distractions you are providing yourself are filling you with joy and improving the lives of your two teenage daughters.

“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” Benjamin Franklin 

So what is your plan? Is your plan to look the other way because of his money? It is sure sounding like it. Have you even talked to a divorce attorney about child support? 

I am no longer going to comment on this as you seem to fully understand what you are doing and it is what you want. 

I am so sorry. I hope you get what you want out of life.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Then why agree to go to marriage counseling?


Because he is hoping going through the motions of MC will shut you up enough that he can go back to his comfortable life. See, right now, you're making him uncomfortable. He would prefer that you stop making a fuss so that he can be comfortable again. By the way, a comfortable life, for him, involves him doing whatever he wants when you're not around. Yes, that includes sex with strippers and whomever else he's been shagging on and off for as long as you've known him. He'd much prefer it if you'd shut up about your "feelings" and just go back to keeping his house, raising the kids, contributing financially, playing the part of the good wife, so that his image and status are maintained. He needs those things, and your services, to be comfortable. He sees marriage counseling as a hoop he needs to jump through to get you to fall back in line and return to performing properly in your role of "wife".


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Yes, he thinks you're an irritating pest. MC might be enough of a sacrifice of his time for him if it gets you off his back.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

alte Dame said:


> Yes, he thinks you're an irritating pest. MC might be enough of a sacrifice of his time for him if it gets you off his back.




I asked if he would take a lie detector test .. since he won’t give full disclosure ... even though he claims he has given it
He said Hell to the Na!!!!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

He has the right to not take a lie detector test. You have the right to assume the worst about his behavior. 




Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I asked if he would take a lie detector test .. since he won’t give full disclosure ... even though he claims he has given it
> He said Hell to the Na!!!!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

uhtred said:


> He has the right to not take a lie detector test. You have the right to assume the worst about his behavior.




True


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I asked if he would take a lie detector test .. since he won’t give full disclosure ... even though he claims he has given it
> He said Hell to the Na!!!!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Why are you still with this awful cheating lying scumbag? He isn't repentant, wont even admit that you need time and effort on his part to rebuild the trust, and cares nothing for the hurt he caused you. You have not caused him to have any consequences for what he has done and are still with him.
Make a list of what he must do to remain with you, and if he refuses then leave.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Why are you still with this awful cheating lying scumbag? He isn't repentant, wont even admit that you need time and effort on his part to rebuild the trust, and cares nothing for the hurt he caused you. You have not caused him to have any consequences for what he has done and are still with him.
> 
> Make a list of what he must do to remain with you, and if he refuses then leave.




It’s all about him apparently — 
I should have been done the day I found out ....


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## Machjo (Feb 2, 2018)

...


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> It’s all about him apparently —
> I should have been done the day I found out ....


That was a non-answer. 

Many people in this 8 page thread have repeatedly asked you WHY you continue to disrespect yourself and stay with a controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive serial cheater, but we just get fluff like the quote above. 

Are you co-dependent or are you just hesitant to give up the lifestyle this serial cheating miscreant provides for you? As disgusting as he is (and I don't know HOW you keep yourself from vomiting in your mouth when you're near him) the only good thing about him is that he's a good provider. I mean, anyone who always has $200 bucks to buy himself a 10 minute blow job must be swimming in it. You don't _*really*_ believe he's paying $200 a pop for a BJ, do you?

Anyway, there's GOT to be a payoff for you to continue disrespecting yourself by staying with Don Juan, but I just can't figure out what it is. :frown2:


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## Machjo (Feb 2, 2018)

...


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## SoFlaGuy (Nov 28, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> .... a stripper who is now in prison for heroin & child endangerment charges.... he often would get her to bring another girl along . .. but if it was bj only, why the 2nd girl?
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Hooking up with a junkie, prostitute? Need to get checked for HIV, and evry other STD. I wouldn't even think twice, be gone and don't come back.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> ... he basically regrets that he makes 500 K





Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Then why agree to go to marriage counseling?


I think the answer to this question is in the first quote above.


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## Walloped (Feb 14, 2018)

Just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Well I finally filed for divorce on Valentine’s Day & signed papers this morning - my husband has no idea ... he will be served mid next week ... 
I’m very emotional... but can’t accept his: “ get over it” “that was the old David” excuse.... 
The final straw was discovering a new female friend in his phone ... & he lied about her & her name in his phone ... they met at the gym & for some reason she feels it’s ok to text a married man @ 11 pm just to say Hi & then make plans for my husband to help her take a bunch of kids to laser tag?? 
He clearly isn’t going to change ...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Glad you finally realized he just talks a good game. 

He will likely try to convince you to change your mind. Don't.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Well I finally filed for divorce on Valentine’s Day & signed papers this morning - my husband has no idea ... he will be served mid next week ...
> I’m very emotional... but can’t accept his: “ get over it” “that was the old David” excuse....
> The final straw was discovering a new female friend in his phone ... & he lied about her & her name in his phone ... they met at the gym & for some reason she feels it’s ok to text a married man @ 11 pm just to say Hi & then make plans for my husband to help her take a bunch of kids to laser tag??
> He clearly isn’t going to change ...
> ...


Sadly I think we all knew that he wouldn't change. He is a terrible husband.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Sadly I think we all knew that he wouldn't change. He is a terrible husband.




I really was hoping that he would - you’re right though.... wishful thinking on my part .... 


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I really was hoping that he would - you’re right though.... wishful thinking on my part ....
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Watch how quick he will change when he gets his papers. If not, you know you made the right choice


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I really was hoping that he would - you’re right though.... wishful thinking on my part ....
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You are being strong though, many women with cheating, lying husbands are too afraid to end their marriage out of fear of being alone, and that's sad. You deserve better. Be prepared for him to go on the denial track again once he gets the papers, take no notice this time. It was clear he wasn't repentant from the fact that he wasn't prepared to acknowledge what he had done nor put any effort into helping you to trust him again. Stay Strong and determined.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

My husband hasn’t been served w/ divorce papers yet... looking at mid week, does anyone know if it would be ok to tell him I’ve filed? 



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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> My husband hasn’t been served w/ divorce papers yet... looking at mid week, does anyone know if it would be ok to tell him I’ve filed?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No, give him a nice shock 

It'll catch him off guard


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## Machjo (Feb 2, 2018)

...


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Machjo said:


> Just be prepared for any reaction. Had you just been separating from him, he would hold out hope but also have time to adjust. If you hadn't separated before this or at least had been separated for only a few months, but beware of total meltdown. I'm not saying it will happen, and of course he'd deserve it for what he'd done, but I just don't know his mental and emotional state. Unless you already know his mental and emotional state, just prepare for any extreme emotional response.




He is being served certified mail ... 



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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He is being served certified mail ...
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Don't say a word until after he's served. You don't want him dodging the mailman. Once he's served you can say any damn thing you want. I hope he gets a blistering.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He is being served certified mail ...


I am not sure that is a good way to do it, but it is what it is.

My advice to you is to figure out what you are going to say to him when he goes emotionally ballistic as he likely will. 

One alternative is to move out with your daughters just before he is served. Still you might want to claim the house and ask that he move out. In which case you might want your daughters to be at a friends house. 

Talk to you attorney about options should he become abusive or threaten you. Know your options ahead of time.

If he does emotionally unload on you (especially in front of your daughters) tell him to leave, tell him that if he wants to communicate with you it should be through your attorney. Tell him that it is just too late and NOTHING WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND. Above all don't yell at him or allow yourself to be pulled into a fight with him. HE IS NOT WORTH IT, just keep telling yourself that he is not worth fighting with. Again, tell him to talk to your attorney if he wants to communicate with you. DON'T TALK OR ARGUE WITH HIM, it is time for the attorney to earn their money.

If he threatens you in any way, immediately call the police, move to another room and lock a door behind you and then within a few minutes call your attorney. When the police come explain to them that you just filed divorce papers and that he scared or threatened you (if he actually did) or that his behavior made you fear for your safety (if it did). 

What is your plan on telling your daughters? Your family? His family? Your neighbors & friends? You might want to let them all know at about the time he is served that you are divorcing him because of a string of affairs he has had, that you have tried marriage counseling and talking to him, but he feels entitled to his affairs.

Good luck.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> I am not sure that is a good way to do it, but it is what it is.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Thank you!!



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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

I filed in Feb. & we are still living together .... we had a temp support hearing that got rescheduled until mid May & my heart still feels broken .... am I doing the right thing, etc... 
is it possible for someone to change ?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I filed in Feb. & we are still living together .... we had a temp support hearing that got rescheduled until mid May & my heart still feels broken .... am I doing the right thing, etc...
> is it possible for someone to change ?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Your husband is a serial cheater. Continue making him your ex-husband.

You can always re-marry him later if he does change. I doubt it but some do.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Your husband is a serial cheater. Continue making him your ex-husband.
> 
> 
> 
> You can always re-marry him later if he does change. I doubt it but some do.




He claims that he was in a bad place & we were in a bad place —- admits to doing the wrong thing on several occasions — clearly doesn’t see it the same way I do... 


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He claims that he was in a bad place & we were in a bad place —- admits to doing the wrong thing on several occasions — clearly doesn’t see it the same way I do...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hi is solution for being in a bad place is to cheat instead of confiding in you. And if your communication between you then was sketchy probably because he was cheating.

Blameshifting. He choose to cheat. Don't fool for it.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

He was in a bad place? EWell, he can take his TS card to the chaplain and have it punched. Leave him in his bad place. He wants strippers? He can have them. Move on to 
someone who will love you the way you should be loved. Don't back down!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

What a load of codswallop, he was in a bad place, blah blah blah, all the crap that comes from a cheater, it is always about them and their woes.
You have to be more resolute than this, no second thoughts. What are you teaching your daughters? That is ok to have someone (your life partner) disrespect you, put you at risk of disease, belittle you, lie to you, etc all because he makes lot of money (take half of it in the divorce and go and live life). 
You sound totally co-dependent, please read Melodie Beattie's Co_Dependent No More and learn to establish boundaries, to demand respect, to improve your self esteem. No one should put up with what you have put up with, I do not care if he is a demi-God, billionaire, he is garbage for what he did to you. However, you allowing him to says a lot about yourself, you need counselling to sort yourself out. If not for you, for your kids.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

[email protected] said:


> He was in a bad place? EWell, he can take his TS card to the chaplain and have it punched. Leave him in his bad place. He wants strippers? He can have them. Move on to
> 
> someone who will love you the way you should be loved. Don't back down!




He claims he went with strippers because it was physical only… Did not want to have an emotional affair figuring that would hurt me worse


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He claims he went with strippers because it was physical only… Did not want to have an emotional affair figuring that would hurt me worse


This is both half-true and a total lie:

He went to strippers (i.e. sex workers) because they’re disposable.

Hookers aren’t paid for sex — they’re paid to leave.

He wanted to have fun on the side without it coming back to him in such a way that he’d wind up without a wife at home AND on the alimony/child support side of a divorce.

Aside from that, you weren’t really a consideration — it was all about him.

Your bull**** detector needs some serious work.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He doesn't want a divorce so he's going to tell you whatever he thinks will work. If you believe him, you'll spend the rest of your life waiting for this to happen again -- and it very well could. Serial cheaters rarely change.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He claims he went with strippers because it was physical only… Did not want to have an emotional affair figuring that would hurt me worse
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That just sick. One of the worst excuses I have ever heard. How about he didn't go to anyone being that he was married?

He will use every manipulation and excuse to get you to stay. I think you need to separate and ask him to stop contacting you. 

You would be a fool to stay now after all of his multiple affairs.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He claims that he was in a bad place & we were in a bad place —- admits to doing the wrong thing on several occasions — clearly doesn’t see it the same way I do...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





Uhenrcx0531 said:


> He claims he went with strippers because it was physical only… Did not want to have an emotional affair figuring that would hurt me worse
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Unfortunately his "bad place" became your worse place when he cheated. He had not right to betray his marriage. 

Now as to the "lesser of two evils." Tell him that while he may have felt he was doing his marriage a favor by frequenting drug using strippers who meet him at hotels and were therefore really prostitutes, he was endangering his own life and your life to STD exposure. He was actively and on multiple occasions destroying his marriage and any hope that you could ever trust him again.

He has also forced his "bad place" upon you.

I really don't understand why you are under the same roof with this man. Get out or kick him out either way don't allow him any illusion that there is any hope at reconciliation.

Good luck.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

I finally moved out after giving my husband chances to show me he could change... 
the day I moved out, another woman started staying there & has been for a month .. she is a nasty bar *****.. 
he won’t communicate with me at all .. acting like I’m the bad guy? 
My emotions are all over the place & im miserable ... while he is out living life to the fullest ... I feel like I’ll be alone forever & I find myself obsessing over him... 
the man I fell in love with & married ... not the man I caught .... 
Is it normal to feel this way? 



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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It is normal, because you had hopes and dreams. Now you realize that it was all a lie and your hopes and dreams are gone. The problem is that your hopes and dreams were tied up with him and not on reality.

Make a new dream. Start with getting healthy body, soul, and spirit. You don't need a man to do that, but you do need to believe that there is hope for your future.



Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I finally moved out after giving my husband chances to show me he could change...
> the day I moved out, another woman started staying there & has been for a month .. she is a nasty bar *****..
> he won’t communicate with me at all .. acting like I’m the bad guy?
> My emotions are all over the place & im miserable ... while he is out living life to the fullest ... I feel like I’ll be alone forever & I find myself obsessing over him...
> ...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Of course it's normal. You are suffering from a broken heart. The mind and body heal from this, though. It just takes time. Maintain a healthy diet and exercise regime; try to get as much sleep as you can; stay busy with friends and activities; do the 180 (!) to detach from him.

They say, when you are in hell, keep going. Your options when getting over heartbreak usually don't include 'good, better, best.' Your options are to live through the pain so that it lessens with time, which it will.

You are a strong woman for doing what you have done. You deserve far better than the rotten man that your WH turned out to be.

180.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

alte Dame said:


> Of course it's normal. You are suffering from a broken heart. The mind and body heal from this, though. It just takes time. Maintain a healthy diet and exercise regime; try to get as much sleep as you can; stay busy with friends and activities; do the 180 (!) to detach from him.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




What is 180?



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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I finally moved out after giving my husband chances to show me he could change...
> the day I moved out, another woman started staying there & has been for a month .. she is a nasty bar *****..
> he won’t communicate with me at all .. acting like I’m the bad guy?
> My emotions are all over the place & im miserable ... while he is out living life to the fullest ... I feel like I’ll be alone forever & I find myself obsessing over him...
> ...


Listen dear, your H was and is a horrible person. He lied to you for years about everything. 

You need some therapy and work on yourself and learn what a good relationship looks like. 

With time you will get over him. 

Google the 180 and start doing it, it will help you heal.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> What is 180?


https://affaircare.com/the-180/


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it's normal to be devastated that your worst fears have come true. You didn't want to believe it was possible but it was. Yes, with time and work you'll move beyond this. It hurts like you have been stabbed in the heart because you have been. But you WILL heal.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

One day you will realise how lucky you are to be away from this guy. The women are only with him for his money. He has no redeemable qualities. He is a punter and a monger. You should be relieved. He just seeks out financially desperate women and debases them. He sounds like a lowlife. I have no idea how you stayed with this guy for so long.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> while he is out living life to the fullest
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If you consider sleeping with prostitutes and bar flys "living life to the fullest"...


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

BobSimmons said:


> If you consider sleeping with prostitutes and bar flys "living life to the fullest"...




Didn’t think of it that way... I meant he is out going to concerts, playing, golf, weekend trips etc.. while I seem to be stuck ....


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You'll get over this and then you won't care what he's doing because you'll be too busy living your own life. Right now it probably seems he has it all but he doesn't.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Openminded said:


> You'll get over this and then you won't care what he's doing because you'll be too busy living your own life. Right now it probably seems he has it all but he doesn't.




Thank you


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> Didn’t think of it that way... I meant he is out going to concerts, playing, golf, weekend trips etc.. while I seem to be stuck ....
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I hope you have retained a PitBullShark Lawyer... When you slap his ASS with years of Alimony, Child Support and Parental Rights Restrictions he will watch his "whatever I want" life go right down the tubes. When he misses the Child Support payments file again and have him picked up by the Sheriff Office. 

NOT revenge... Justice!


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

One of my biggest issues is that my husband never really graveled .. begged for my forgiveness... wouldn’t be transparent ...
He said he was sorry for hurting me & that these flings were physical only .. not emotional ...
Like getting an oil change
You go to a place that does oil change
They change your oil
You pay them 
Leave
Go back when it’s time for another oil change?????


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"the day I moved out, another woman started staying there & has been for a month .. she is a nasty bar *****.. "
This should tell you 100% that you did the correct thing here. He was never going to change, and clearly hasn't. Him "living life" to the fullest is because he has NO capability of self-introspection -- just wants to live in the moment and he has the $$ to do it. That is not living a full life. Since he lacks this capability, that's a clear reason why he didn't show any real remorse, and probably won't. He has NO CLUE what he did to you and your family (or he REALLY doesn't care, so kind of a sociopath).

YOU however will continue to get better as you 180 him (that is for YOU to detach from him). Get into counseling to improve YOURSELF, not to figure him out.


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## Mstanton (Feb 8, 2011)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> I found out that my husband has been having flings at the local motel.. for the last 4 years... he will only admit to what I already know ..
> there was also an area single Mom who took large amounts of money from him “loans” & paid him back with sexual acts
> He says they all were BJ’s only ... I found out 2 months ago & he just recently moved back in our home... he doesn’t want to discuss much ... says that was 2017 & now it’s 2018 & let’s have a fresh start & he promises it won’t happen again....
> I need advice....


My advice? Get tested for STDs.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Uhenrcx0531 said:


> .... ...He said he was sorry for hurting me & that these flings were physical only .. not emotional ...
> Like getting an oil change
> You go to a place that does oil change
> They change your oil
> ...


I find it hard to believe anyone would say that.

If he really said that, then he has expressed a belief system that makes him unfit to be "husband material."

If he really said that you might want to print it out under a heading of "Why we divorced" in a pretty font and frame it as a going away present to him.


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## Uhenrcx0531 (Jan 2, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> I find it hard to believe anyone would say that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




He 100% said it
Word for word 



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