# loss of romance and the internet



## gail (Dec 1, 2009)

My husband and I are apart a lot due to business. I always look forward to our reunions, but when we ARE able to get away together feel he's just lost that romantic feeling for me. We share a lot of activities and can have fun, but with little sense of closeness. Dinners are complaints about prices, much of the time he walks ahead of me like he doesn't know I'm there. I try to remind him that's no way to treat a lady but he soon forgets. When I tell him I need more romance he feels hurt and doesn't understand the connection I'm looking for. Sex is only once every week or two now which is okay but usually I end up initiating it. He often wants to introduce "toys" or something new which I've been open to. Meanwhile I discovered he's been surfing swingers websites, taking on a personna as a swinger and looking for "threesomes" etc. When I tearfully confronted him he said he's always done that, it's just pretend so he can look at the pictures and doesn't think he can quit.
I'm unbelievably hurt by this. I think the 2 are connected, the reason he doesn't understand the connection I'm looking for is because what he is seeking tramples all over it. How can we get to common ground from here?


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## gail (Dec 1, 2009)

It's time for me to cut the crapp and stop pretending to be this weak indecisive person. I know what kind of relationshiop I need, what attitude I can't live with and can recognize insincerity. It's time for him to decide if he wants to be a soulmate or an unbelievably foolish chapter in my life. I pray it's the former, but have to prepare my strength for the latter.


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## selfacceptance (Dec 3, 2009)

As a cheater online, he is online, and it is affecting his marriage, his sex life and his ideas of what he wants.
It messed me up the exact same way, bad.
This is definatley what is happening to him, just by what you have said, his different approach, different feelings and thoughts.
Tell him to make his choice. I really wish someone had told me, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. If I only knew then what I know now.....
ironic eh?


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## gail (Dec 1, 2009)

Thanks for your honest reply. I've found some good information about it on this website and how it CAN really alter a person's desires, etc. I'm trying to control my anger over this but with the understanding I will NOT tolerate it. He is seeking therapy, he is an otherwise intelligent and sincere man who usually tells me everything. Most of his guy friends say a little porn is okay but I don't think they know the type of stuff he's into with these swingers sites. He has at least one truly kinky friend/couple from his past that keeps contacting him and sending pictures of his wife with others. I can't believe this has gone on with my self commitment not to snoop. I don't want to feel like I have to check up on him but how do I trust him? I'm sure therapy is in order for both of us. Sorry you feel your recovery was "too late". Hind sight's always 20/20 eh? If this ruined a relationship/marriage for you, with your new conviction you should have a successful one in the future.


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