# The classic Break or a break up Question



## monster maker78 (Dec 16, 2013)

*A little about me *

42 yr old successful, happy female. Never wanted to fall in love and enjoyed a lot of attention. Had a lot of partners but never dipping too deep into the waters. When people walk around with heavy sad hearts and broken lives ... I strut happily from one meaningless Liason to another. Basically, it’s possible I’m a coward.
Until I met HER. we met online in dec. went on a holiday in February. Fell madly in love. Long story short... it is nothing short of a Hollywood romance.
And then one fine day she says she is sick and wants some space to sort her head out.

*A little about her*
40 year old successful divorcee with 2 kids. An emotionally abusive marriage with a narcissist Which lead to health problems 
she professed her love to me Before it even crossed my mind. She was scared of things going so fast between us. She’s just getting out of her marriage. She feels emotionally. Spiritually and physically very drawn to me.
We live in different countries. She gets frustrated cuz of the distance and falls sick.
which is why she decided to have some space to deal with her sickness.
her psych has adviced her not to get into relationships and have flings. She has promptly registered on dating and hook up apps.
It’s been a month and a half. She knows I want her back and I’ve tried to give her space. The problem is not her wanting a break. It’s the way she sprung it on me. Yesterday she calls me her soul and begs me never to leave her even if she pushes me away and today she says let’s be fiends and let’s have some space between us etc. But break (break up) and quarantine don’t mix too well. I’m going mad. Lost sleep. Lost my mind. Heart broken. No closure. Have crazy thoughts about her cheating on me. Her using me and what not.
She doesnt reply to my msgs. I wished her for her bday and then she wished me for mine. A few days after she said this to me I called her and... well, was pretty much a disaster cuz I was a Depressed hot mess And she said I am her past Asking me to move on etc
It might sound boring to any 42 yr old. But since this is my first True love and first heart break I’m lost as to how to deal with it.
What baffles me is how on Sunday someone can be crazy about me and on Tuesday Call me their past. 
the burning question being... is this a break or a break up.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

this is the classic stringing you along....be there for me when i am ready otherwise stay away.....you are allowing her to write the narrative to this relationship......time to distant your self from her and see what happens, pull the 180 rules and see what happens.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She is either a little crazy or she found someone. No matter which one it is.....it doesn’t matter.

Let her go.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I can't help you with your broken heart, sorry. But I can tell you this woman is awfully fickle and unreliable. She played you and you fell for it because you weren't used to committed relationships. You spent your adult life and relationships in uncaring neutral land, so it had never happened to you. You didn't know to be guarded. You didn't know not to trust online flings. And now, you're going to have to let her go. Even if she comes calling and wants to get back together, you can't trust that she is sincere because she isn't. She will just play you again. Her whole purpose was to get you hooked, but she knew she didn't want you for real. The distance is too ridiculous anyway, and she's online doing the same thing to the next guy in some other country or maybe your neighbor down the street.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

monster maker78 said:


> her psych has adviced her not to get into relationships and have flings. She has promptly registered on dating and hook up apps.


This woman is playing you. There is no way her psych told her to sign up for Tinder (or wherever) and bang everyone who comes along. Come on...


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

StarFires said:


> The distance is too ridiculous anyway, and she's online doing the same thing to the* next guy* in some other country or maybe your neighbor down the street.


Agreed, but should be ''next girl''.


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## monster maker78 (Dec 16, 2013)

Gee! Thanks you guys! just posting msgs and reading ur replies makes me feel a tad better

True, commitment has never been my thing. At the risk of sounding like a sucker I wanna say something in her defence... she truly is a very nice person. And we never had any arguments and we really were happy together. when the distance frustrates her and she can’t have me close to her she gets sick...she’s diagnosed with psychosomatic disorder... and sadly I’ve seen her on a video call when it takes over her. She can’t move her body and is stuck in bed for hours while her kids run around and make their own breakfasts (6 and 8). The reason she wanted the break is cuz she needs to be healthy for the kids. And I agree.. I’d be the first to say stay away. Get healthy.. we can wait. But like I said earlier... the way she sprung it on me was shocking to say the very least. Infact when she said she’s been unhealthy and not telling me about it .. I said then why don’t we break up and she said why don’t we be friends. But I’m an all or nothing kinda person (or so I thought) so I’m guilty of bringing up the B word. But it was outta frustration and confusion and that very night I called again and said let’s deal with it the right way. But was too late. 

Her psych asked her not to get tangled in an emotional investment but go on dates and experience stringless attachments. Cuz high emotions cause her symptoms to act up. Tinder etc were her friends idea.
I HAVE been tryin to let go and move on but since it’s the first time that I’ve been rejected it’s all a bit confusing and I’m turning into a person that I don’t recognise.
180 might not work cuz... we r in complete silence anyway. And I’m not on social media for her to stalk me or vice versa.
I’m even starting to think she’s bipolar 
I’m just trying to make sense cuz this is crazy.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

From what you write it appears that you’ve only spent a vacation together and now she wants a “break”. 
You live in different countries, how much more of a break does she need?
She is keeping you as a side piece while she has her flings, in other words you are plan B.
Never be anyone’s plan B.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I saw that she was just getting out of an abusive marriage and pretty much stopped there.

She isn't ready and you are a rebound. 

When you are just coming out of an abusive marriage you need time to get yourself together....I speak from experience. Her latching on to you is a sign she isn't ready.


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## monster maker78 (Dec 16, 2013)

I see what u mean. And we both knew right from the start that we should wait. But the attraction was sooo strong that we decided to just go with the flow. Not realising that the flow would end us up in a place where we both would fall in love. 
I am not in denial when I say I know she loves me. I know she does. And I’ve seen her suffer with her sickness when she can’t have proximity. She did ask me for 6 months... I’m just wondering if things will ever go back to normal or if I should move in regardless of what we feel for each other. 

[/QUOTE]
When you are just coming out of an abusive marriage you need time to get yourself together....I speak from experience. Her latching on to you is a sign she isn't ready.
[/QUOTE]


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## monster maker78 (Dec 16, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> From what you write it appears that you’ve only spent a vacation together and now she wants a “break”.
> You live in different countries, how much more of a break does she need?
> She is keeping you as a side piece while she has her flings, in other words you are plan B.
> Never be anyone’s plan B.


We were supposed to meet in June again but international borders are closed thanks to COVID-19. 
that triggered her symptoms again. 
I don’t know for sure if she’s sleeping around. But I do Know that her friends r pressuring her to go on dates.
Call me a delusional but I’m secure in the knowledge that she loves me. 
I just dunno if I should throw the towel in or be hopeful


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## BHB4408 (Oct 9, 2017)

After you make the decision to move on, you will look back and be SO GLAD you did. There is no True Love in such a short amount of time together, and you are allowing good chemistry to mean true love. Leave and look forward to the day you're looking back at the situation. You will then have a true understanding you made the right choice.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobert said:


> This woman is playing you. There is no way her psych told her to sign up for Tinder (or wherever) and bang everyone who comes along. Come on...


No he advised her not to, its her who is doing it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

monster maker78 said:


> We were supposed to meet in June again but international borders are closed thanks to COVID-19.
> that triggered her symptoms again.
> I don’t know for sure if she’s sleeping around. But I do Know that her friends r pressuring her to go on dates.
> Call me a delusional but I’m secure in the knowledge that she loves me.
> I just dunno if I should throw the towel in or be hopeful


She is in no way ready for another relationship.


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

She is not the problem. Read up on “codependency“ and take good care of yourself first.


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## monster maker78 (Dec 16, 2013)

Thank you all

I just found out she is actually BIPOLAR.
guess that explains a lot


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