# Suddenly Sexually Invigorated Wife?



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Background: My wife and I are both 30, we have been married for 9 years and have 3 boys, 7, 5, and 2 years old.

We were each other's first (virgins on our wedding night) and so it took us a few years to really explore different things. 

My question I guess is maybe more for the ladies, but men feel free to chime in.

We always had an ok to good sex life, at least once or twice a week except on aunt flow weeks. After a few years, not even by my asking, my wife just by geting turned on by me being behind her wanted to try 'backdoor' and found out she loved it.

Fine with me, it pleased her but I liked the regular way better.

Now, onto oral, where the issue has always lied.

I have always loved pleasing her that way, and would do it every single time to turn her on, she loves when I do it but sometimes feels a lack of self image or whatever and doesn't want me to. 

Lets say on average over the years I would do that for her at least 2-4 times a month, or about 1/3 of the times we made love.

Now, on my side, I would say she would give me oral like twice a year...if I was lucky. It "grossed her out" or she was worried I would climax in her mouth or something or another would be an excuse. It always bothered me, and she knew it bothered me.

Fast forward to about 1 month ago (our 9 year anniversary).

We, for the first time in 9 years we went into a "toy" shop and while both of us felt a little uncomfortable we bought her first ever vibrator.

Since then we have gone back and she wanted to be me "something" so she picked out a vagina looking silicone hand job thing (its not bad). While we were there she picked up a book on how to give a guy good oral (I was surprised since we had our issues in this area).

She also recently asked me if I would "trim" down there (I'm not even close to being a harry person) to see if she would like it since she did. Well, I did.

She loved it, and she read the book and the last 3 nights has honest to God been the best 3 sexual nights in our marriage. 

She went from giving oral like twice a year for a max of 2-3 min to going 30 min straight 2 of the 3 nights.

She even likes to play with the silicone toy she got for me.




My question is...is this just her turning "30" and getting into her prime, is it her finally getting over some self image issues, is it really me "trimming" down there, or there could be 1 more option...

We recently started a marriage devotional called the "Love Dare" and it really has brought us closer together than we ever have in our marriage...it could be that too.

I don't care what the reason is, I'm finally 100% completely satisfied sexually in our marriage, I've always loved her unconditionally, she is an amazing wife, amazing mother, etc.

As an engineer I usually like to know the reason for things and was just wondering what the people on here believe the reason behind her recent "aggression" toward me in the bedroom.





Sorry for the long first post!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

revitalizedhusband-

I'll tell you a secret: don't even try to analyse it. Very few women will tell you the truth about what's on their mind. If they think you're getting close, they will deliberately put you off the scent.

But if you listen, watch and wait... you will gradually get an inkling as to what is going on. Do not make the mistake of asking her "Honey, how come your are so much more into BJs and stuff now"?

My wife has admitted one thing to me, plain as day: She hates me being in her head. I'm not saying she represents all women. But she is not alone either.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Oh trust me, I'm not about to ask her why she's into it, don't want to "ruin it" if you know what I mean.

That's why I asked here, figured some women might answer anonymously what they think it is.

I've been reading these forums for a few months now and just finally registered, MT you always seem to give insightful responses.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> MT you always seem to give insightful responses.


Yeah, I'm "full of it"


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'm not sure what the "Love Dare" devotional involves, but based on the movie "Fireproof" and the book, it really is about giving to your spouse without expectation. She may have just made the choice to put that into practice, knowing it is one area she could be more giving. There's something that happens 'in my head' when I'm in that mode...I am focused and into what I'm doing to please him so the insecurities about it go by the wayside and I'm able to enjoy the experience...and the positive reinforcement I'm sure you gave her seals the deal.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

swedish said:


> I'm not sure what the "Love Dare" devotional involves, but based on the movie "Fireproof" and the book, it really is about giving to your spouse without expectation. She may have just made the choice to put that into practice, knowing it is one area she could be more giving. There's something that happens 'in my head' when I'm in that mode...I am focused and into what I'm doing to please him so the insecurities about it go by the wayside and I'm able to enjoy the experience...and the positive reinforcement I'm sure you gave her seals the deal.


Yes, the devotional is basically the 40 day book, I might have called it the wrong thing. Its the day 40 dares that he did in the movie.

Its all about showing love and giving to your spouse even if they don't deserve it or didn't ask for it. 

It could be part of that, and yes, I have gave her NOTHING but positive reinforcement about it the last few days.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i had posted a similar thread called "hey ladies" (down the list a bit). i had a somewhat similar experience except not as good as yours (lucky rascal). anyway, we were struggling sexually, no frequency, bland, etc.. I had tried to spice it up but she just didnt really go for much. then one day i just blurted out "lets take a bath" and she agreed and it turned out to be mind blowing for me. she tried a couple of new things without me asking and it was great. i still cannot explain it, it hasnt happened to that high a level since. i was advised by most on here to not question it. its killin me not to know what happened, why she 'snapped" like that. i guess ill just cherish the memory and see if it happens again


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

okeydokie: So far we are 3 for 3 nights in a row.

Tonight will be hard to go 4 in a row, long day for me (leave for work at 7 am, won't be home until 9:30 pm) plus we have a couple Monday night shows we like to watch together on the DVR.

However, I fully expect the last 3 nights to happen again this week once or twice...we shall see.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> okeydokie: So far we are 3 for 3 nights in a row.
> 
> Tonight will be hard to go 4 in a row, long day for me (leave for work at 7 am, won't be home until 9:30 pm) plus we have a couple Monday night shows we like to watch together on the DVR.
> 
> However, I fully expect the last 3 nights to happen again this week once or twice...we shall see.



QUIT BRAGGING!!!!!!!!!:smthumbup:

seriously, good for you, i am happy with once a week right now.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> QUIT BRAGGING!!!!!!!!!:smthumbup:
> 
> seriously, good for you, i am happy with once a week right now.


Not trying to brag, just telling the truth.

We have always been more than once a week for sex in general, it was the BJ thing that NEVER happened that was the issue, even though I would always go down on her.

Over 9 years of marriage we've always been a 2-4 times a week couple except on aunt flow weeks and when I travel for work.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

When my wife first really getting into BJs it was because how much it turned me on and knowing that she pleased me. How well she could please me at that. Whatever it is that you are doing right just keep it up...so to speak.

draconis


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

draconis said:


> When my wife first really getting into BJs it was because how much it turned me on and knowing that she pleased me. How well she could please me at that. Whatever it is that you are doing right just keep it up...so to speak.
> 
> draconis


That is probably part or most of it for my wife, but my wife also is the type (in bed) that will say "no" or not want to try something forever, then when she finally does, if she likes it then she goes "wild" and won't stop.

As evidence by the other night with the BJ, and as evidence by the first time she mentioned/wanted to try anal. New positions are the same way, I suggest them, takes me awhile to convince, but once she does man she goes crazy with it.

She could have just finally did something "different" with the BJ and started liking it herself and just went her crazy self with it.


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## HusbandFatherSonBrother (Feb 7, 2009)

revitalizedhusband said:


> I don't care what the reason is, I'm finally 100% completely satisfied sexually in our marriage, I've always loved her unconditionally, she is an amazing wife, amazing mother, etc.


Tell her that. It may (at least partly) be the reason she's doing it.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

HusbandFatherSonBrother said:


> Tell her that. It may (at least partly) be the reason she's doing it.


Oh, I have, a few times in the last few days.


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## Sixgunner (Mar 5, 2008)

:scratchhead:
:wtf:


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

It sounds like a mix of everything.. the book, the new toys, she's 30, she loves you and wants to make you happy as you have made her happy. I'm 28 and I think about things that would have never crossed my mind 8 years ago... I really don't mind giving a blow job now when it used to repluse me, and there's so much stuff out there to try and it makes it that much more special to do it with someone you are commited to and love... yay you!!!


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

she did that because she loves you. And seeing you pleased and happy in bed makes her sex drive high and its also her reward to you for making her happy in your marriage. it excites her to see your expression while she does this and that....finally her inhibitions are gone. and she is curious about the NEW things. just be willing and encourage her more. hope my opinion helps you understand the sudden changes in her.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

All that and she may be hitting her sexual maturity, peak. Usually it's a bit closer to the 40s...but go with it now and enjoy it!  And make sure you keep her happy!! Otherwise, ANYTHING goes!! Enjoy the ride, dude!


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## blown away (Feb 19, 2009)

Revitalized,

How did you bring up the subject about introducing toys? I am in a similiar predicament. My wife and I have not communicated well in the past and we have been working on this with a good bit of success. The increase in communication has actually increased her interest in sex dramatically which I had hoped would happen. 

I'm interested in how you broached the subject. Did you suggest it or did she?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Actually, I have to thank my cousin's wife for that. My cousin and I are best friends, so naturally our wives have talked over the years and they have become best friends too.

Without going into too much detail, I'm the one in our relationship with a bigger sex drive, but my cousin's wife is the one with a bigger sex drive than him (our wives talk about this stuff, him and I don't). 

So, my cousin's wife talked to my wife about toys...and then she talked about it with me, and of course I was all for it right away.

We now have move "up" to watching erotic movies together while we do it. Not hard core porn, but movies with a lot of sex scenes in them. That's a fun night too.

Remember, this original post was in February, someone just bumped it up yesterday for some reason. So somethings have changed since then. Some for the better, some for the worse.

Right now we can't have sex every day like we were back in Feb due to some female problems that my wife is trying to work out with her gyno, but we are still able to 2-3 times a week, and they are getting better and better in the things we do.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Im pretty much at the same stage as your wive !! always had a ok sex life when we got married i had sex with my husband just to please him ..was the thing that you did wasnt very enjoyable he was happy and i just thought well whats all the fuss about !!! 
i find it really hard to initiate i find it hard to tell him what i like ... Basically my strict catholic upbringing didnt allow talk about women enjoying sex ...sex was just to make babys etc ..

well i went to a ann summers party !! ladies only adults toys and knickers !! lol 

had the time of my life !! brought a few products and kinda ignited the fire lol ...
i still find it hard to say god that was awesome and can you xxxx me but yeah with age and other thing s ...which even i dont understand i do want and enjoy wanting sex so much more i feel so much more connected to my husband i cant wait for him to come home ... 
i dont understand whats changed lol but im enjoying feeling the way i do .. 
May be its just a hormone thing ha ha


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> Im pretty much at the same stage as your wive !! always had a ok sex life when we got married i had sex with my husband just to please him ..was the thing that you did wasnt very enjoyable he was happy and i just thought well whats all the fuss about !!!
> i find it really hard to initiate i find it hard to tell him what i like ... Basically my strict catholic upbringing didnt allow talk about women enjoying sex ...sex was just to make babys etc ..
> 
> well i went to a ann summers party !! ladies only adults toys and knickers !! lol
> ...



You sound just like my wife, we both grew up in the Baptist church, but her dad was a preacher, so she was 10x more "sheltered" than I was with regards to this stuff.

On a side note, last night was fun...

My wife, if you read other posts, is not a huge BJ enthusiasts.

She really gets into them once she gets going, and enjoys herself, but that first initial whatever (gag reflex?) really stops any regular BJs. I would say that I've probably got maybe 1 every 2 months for the last year, and even that is just as foreplay, in 9.5 years I have never been allowed to "finish" from a BJ.

Anyway, last night as I laid the kids down to bed she just gave me a look, said "hey, why don't you take a shower, trim up down there, put some cologne on, and them come to bed..."

Well, I know my wife, and the only reason she'd ask me to shave 'down there' is for a BJ.

Talk about the anxiety in the shower knowing your wife is waiting upstairs for that!? It was a good night.

Still no chance of getting finished from a BJ, but with the way my wife usually is in that area, I'll take whatever I get.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

yeah i cant explain why im like i am !! ive laid awake at night desperate to wake my husband with a bj or to make love ..but i cant bring myself to initiate !! 
Thing is i really enjoy sex/making love trying new things ...but i just find it hard to say hi babe i want to take you to bed ...although i do text him ( how brave lol, ) and that works but i do know he would love me initiate sex im sure it would blow him away lol


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> yeah i cant explain why im like i am !! ive laid awake at night desperate to wake my husband with a bj


Trust me, any man would go NUTS if you actually did that, woke him up to a BJ.

I would probably, instinctively, jump back, because no way my wife is doing this (waking me up with one) so who is this in my bed!

Once I realized what was going on I would be blown away for sure.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I wake my H up anytime the mood strikes me...I've never heard a complaint. Of course, he has free reign to do the same thing too. We're still not sure what happened the other night...I took Benadryl because the seasonal allergies are kicking my butt....and I woke up half naked...which I never do, because our kids have a habit of climbing into bed with us in the middle of the night. I have no recollection of anything, but thats the only reason I would be half naked...his response "I don't remember anything, but then again, you have a habit of taking advantge of me while i'm sleeping" LOL. Eh, no harm, no foul I suppose.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Anyway, last night as I laid the kids down to bed she just gave me a look, said "hey, why don't you take a shower, trim up down there, put some cologne on, and them come to bed..."



RVH

What ever water she was drinking last night, you'd better bottle it up and put it on the market. You'll be able to retire within the month. :smthumbup:


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> RVH
> 
> What ever water she was drinking last night, you'd better bottle it up and put it on the market. You'll be able to retire within the month. :smthumbup:


Trust me, I'm already snooping around to see what she ate and drank last night...that wasn't my wife, I know it...she's like humpty up there, hardly EVER initiates, and my wife hardly ever gives a BJ...then all the sudden both in one night?

I need to find a way to catch that lightning in a bottle for sure.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> ...that wasn't my wife, I know it...


Look for the pod my friend, look for the pod.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

lol im working on it guys !!! honest


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Ok so lets just say before trev went to America he taught me how to use the web cam lol !!!


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

cazzle cazzle cazzle lol !! ha ha  the whole world knows now !!! your hilarious xx


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

errrrmmmm lol whoops lol


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> BTW, RVH, I asked my H about the whole finishing the BJ thing. He said he might like it every now and then. I had no idea. He always just transitions to sex. He told me he prefers an orgasm with intercourse but might enjoy me doing that for him every now and then. Who knew?


Yeah, at this point I'm shooting for it to just happen once


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> Ok so lets just say before trev went to America he taught me how to use the web cam lol !!!


Yeah, when I travel my wife and I will use our cell phone cameras and texting very judiciously...


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Must admit has been loads of fun .. makes me want him more but also i find im a lot braver about telling him things . cant explain what holds me back i do know a bottle of wine helps me to chill x


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Takes a whole bottle of wine? Many, you lush!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

well a good few glasses lol !!!


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## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> well a good few glasses lol !!!


I'm the same way...gimme the whole damn bottle and I'll be your inhibition free personal porn star for the night!!


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## jaycee (Jan 29, 2010)

Well, I recently had a total hysterectomy and my sex drive went from zero to full blast. Before, we had limited sexual encounters and they weren't anything to sneeze at. Since about December the sex has been more regular and I have even gotten into giving him BJs everytime, I actually "crave" it if that makes sense. However, he never reciprocates and while it does sort of bug me there is reason behind it...we are both obese and it's hard to maneuver, we even have trouble with positioning and it leads to him not climaxing a lot of the time (which makes me feel like ****), but we do the best we can with what we have. But I'll tell you, maybe your wife is going through a hormonal change of some sort. I hear women hit their sexual peak in their 30s...I am 31 but I am also in surgical menopause which might be part of the reason why I want sex more often now. 

Just some food for thought.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Speaking about my own situation, I would have been considered a "Suddenly Sexually Invigorated Wife" also. This started a little over a year ago for me. Not sure if it was ALL hormones, some mid life crisis (your wife is too young for this), getting over sexual inhibitions related to religous upbringing, a combination of all of the above, but we went from once a week sex to 4-6 times week, I suddenly wanted it SO much that it gave him his 1st bout with "performance anxiety". 

I used to only do BJ's for a bribe, now I want to do them probably more than he cares to get them. We accually had a little spat the other night cause I wanted to do this for him, but he wanted to "wait" for me (on the monthly). I won the spat & of coarse, he was VERY happy. But how rediculous is this!!? 

So yeah, enjoy it, I know my husband is, not sure how long this will last, but It is the best form of a "mid life crisis" I can think of. 

I found this thread one time- about women who suddenly discover they want sex all the time, but again, I think your wife is too young for what they mention here - Peri menopouse. 

premenopause,super increased sex drive - Women's Health Support Forums


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Funny to see this thread resurface a year later.

The "new" great sex is still ongoing, even getting more into different toys, etc.

She's still "trying" on the fniishing a BJ thing, still hasn't happened. She will foreplay with a BJ a decent amount now, but still no finish.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

See if she will eat a miracle berry/miracle fruit and then try to finish. You can buy them on amazon. In fact I would buy some, have her try them just in general and then ask her to give it a shot that way. 




revitalizedhusband said:


> Funny to see this thread resurface a year later.
> 
> The "new" great sex is still ongoing, even getting more into different toys, etc.
> 
> She's still "trying" on the fniishing a BJ thing, still hasn't happened. She will foreplay with a BJ a decent amount now, but still no finish.


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## MrsInPain (Feb 5, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> See if she will eat a miracle berry/miracle fruit and then try to finish. You can buy them on amazon. In fact I would buy some, have her try them just in general and then ask her to give it a shot that way.


:lol: Best idea ever! 

I never had a problem with finishing/swallowing. It's not pleasant, and I usually keep a bottle of water (as a chaser) on hand, but it's not AWFUL. Actually I find it to be MUCH more convenient than cleaning up the... mess. Just my opinion! I bet once she finally tries it, she will find it to be not as bad as she imagined.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

So, to my surprise, my Birthday/Valentine's Day "present" was 2 finished BJs this weekend.

I went from 0 in 10+ years finished, to 2 in one weekend.

And, as the above poster said, once she did it she said "that wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be".

First night she tried to swallow but had to spit, 2nd night she just spit.

I'll give her the idea of a coke/pepsi "chaser", but at this poitn I'm not pushing it, I don't care if she spits or swallows, she just made my weekend!

So, I had a great V.Day weekend .


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## Janice (Feb 15, 2010)

Well I think she is finally open to exploring her sexuality. I was somewhat similar when I first got married. I was a bit grossed out but then I started to be explorative. I visited sex shops, and asked advise from my experienced friends. There is so much you can do sexually, so one really has to try new things. Enjoy your wife and go WILD with her too!
-JANICE


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## MrsInPain (Feb 5, 2010)

revitalizedhusband said:


> So, to my surprise, my Birthday/Valentine's Day "present" was 2 finished BJs this weekend.
> 
> I went from 0 in 10+ years finished, to 2 in one weekend.
> 
> ...


 Glad to hear this, it's awesome! Maybe next year you can throw in the "chaser" idea. But you're right... you don't want to push it!!


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