# Lost Fiance'.. Been with her 8 years I'm numb and devistated



## Nradams4

My (recent) ex had started attending a outside church group which I thought was all well and good for her as she and I are pretty religious but I felt this sort of house church just wasn't my thing.. It reminded me of going to my old lutheran school and just taking religion class over again.. She never cared if I came or not but the offer was always on the table I suppose. 5 days prior to telling me she couldn't do this anymore when she was at one of these house church get-togethers, she was begging me to never leave her and she was always swearing up until the last day that I was the one that No matter what she couldnt live without me. But then boom I get a call and its over and she just disconnects her phone number even though I wasn't planning on calling her anyway at first but I did email her and she just kept saying that she tried so hard to make all the puzzle pieces fit but she just couldnt and that she loved me so much and wanted me to have her kids but she said shes taking control of her life (making me feel like I was overly protective which I admittedly am at times but not in excess... it was so random and shocking/unexpected that I still dont know what to do or how to handle it. We got engaged 2 years prior to this and she was estatic and couldnt wait to be married to me. In fact 3 days prior to her leaving me she was talking to her entire family about wedding plans and songs and colors and all that good stuff... I felt safe for once because when we got engaged I asked her 100 different times if she slept or did any sexual act with this one guy when we werent together... i just wanted to know the truth before I asked her to marry me because her purity was something i really admired and I trusted her a ton for never doing anything with another other than kissing and some Other terrible stuff that i was able to get over but nothing below waist on her. She Lied to my face over and over saying nothing happened about 100 different times brought up in different situations and moods but always the same answer.. she was always swearing on anything she could that nothing ever happened but we got into a little argument one day and she came out with it AFTER we had been engaged for 6 months and she was so remorseful and said she couldnt tell me because she knew that I would have left.. And yea, she was right, I would have left. we have been together since we were 15 and were both 23 now.. We had a 1 year break up during junior year at high school but that was it.. The thing is I feel like I am the one to blame.. on the phone she told me I lost my soul mate and that this isn't what God wanted.. i kept my cool but had no clue what to say other than "I know your confused but you know if you have a problem we can always sit down and talk about it and fix things" but she refused to listen saying that she just couldnt do this anymore which boggles my mind completely since everything seemed good at the time. I tried so hard to say my last plea to her via email since after her phone call she just flat out changed her number because I assume she either thought I would blow up her phone or she wouldnt be able to let go if I called her. Its so messed up Everything was perfect and then boom I cant breathe sleep eat or anything.. all I do is feel remorse. Like for some reason I didnt hold up on my end of the bargain or something. I gave her multiple forgiving chances and all but just up and leaving me like this was something I never expected... She told me she was taking control of her life but believe me when I say that I wasnt controlling and I said she can do whatever makes her happy but she always responded with "well that would be marrying you and having kids".. I feel like such s**t, Like i failed, Like i lost my soul mate and that its my fault... Worst of all I feel like I will never find anyone who I loved as much as my Kirstie in all the different ways that I did. She was truely one of a kind, She had it all, The most beautiful looks, body, personality, sex was great probably will never have anything better... I just feel hopeless like I really did lose it all and I JUST cant bare to see her with another man or someone I might know. I am so broken. I dont know what to do anymore everything is a challenge and feels like I'm going through hell. I miss her all day everyday and I know she is upset too but probably not to the extent that I am. I feel like I'm not good enough to catch another girl as perfect as she was in every way. It sucks so much. Below is what I look like.. She told me she was still highly attracted to me but never went into detail as to why this happened. She also promises me and swears she never cheated on me or had anyone else on the side and I honestly believe that but I just don't get where I went wrong.. I dont understand why she wouldn't just want to sit down and talk about it and figure it out with me if I meant so much to her like she said... remember she was litterally laying in my lap on the way home from her cousins wedding saying how much she prays I'll never leave her 5 days prior to her leaving me and disconnecting her phone... I lost the love of my life and No one has made me feel better not even close friends who I've talked to many times... They try and some have been in long relationships too but This was a unique one or so it feels just because she had every tiny attribute I wanted in a woman from her gorgeous looks to her personality and much more. Lost my significant other.. I feel like none of my close friends or family can relate... pls help i feel like im in a coma


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