# Feeling Alone



## Sdioneb (May 12, 2017)

Long story short....found out my husband of 10 years has an STD he didn't tell me about. Throught we wanted the same thing out of the relationship (BIG Wrong!!). Found out he had been lying...telling me he was on business trips, when he was actually still in town having fun at strip clubs. Now I've decided to leave and he makes it seem like I'm to blame. I don't understand men.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

Sdioneb said:


> Long story short....found out my husband of 10 years has an STD he didn't tell me about. Throught we wanted the same thing out of the relationship (BIG Wrong!!). Found out he had been lying...telling me he was on business trips, when he was actually still in town having fun at strip clubs. Now I've decided to leave and he makes it seem like I'm to blame. I don't understand men.




Sometime us men don't understand women. That doesn't mean it's OK to neglect. 

What has he told you or what do you know that he has been up to behind your back?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jimmy mcgill (May 9, 2017)

I'm sorry for all of this going on. If you did noting wrong as your post indicates, i feel for you. First step is get tested for STD's yourself and do not put yourself at risk with him in the future.


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## lost_without_her (May 9, 2017)

Really sorry for your situation. Today marks a full week since my wife left. I can relate to feeling alone. You really got a bad deal, and I am very sorry that's happened to you. I gave my wife a bad deal too and held a grudge for far too long. I really regret that. I pushed her too far, and I don't think she'll ever forgive me, let alone consider coming back. I've been hopeful that we could work it out and it's not too far gone. I think we could overcome our problems and have a good life. I can say that if my spouse had lied about an STD and was stepping out, I'd never feel guilty about leaving. I would have a very difficult time establishing any kind of good life staying in that example. Maybe you should do what my wife is doing to me, and detach from him. You should focus on you and making sure you're healthy and headed down the path to a happy life. My wife basically hasn't talked to me since she left, and literally no contact going on day 4. It has caused me the do some very serious self reflection to deal with my issues. She has really let me know that she is done, and I can't blame her. I had no choice but to accept that and leave her alone like she asked, even though all I want to do is go to her. I'll always hold out hope, but I really got the message. Maybe your husband would too. 

I come here often, and especially when I'm feeling alone. This is a great group of people with some really helpful advice. I wish you the best, and I hope you have some healing soon.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Sdioneb said:


> Long story short....found out my husband of 10 years has an STD he didn't tell me about. Throught we wanted the same thing out of the relationship (BIG Wrong!!). Found out he had been lying...telling me he was on business trips, when he was actually still in town having fun at strip clubs. Now I've decided to leave and he makes it seem like I'm to blame. I don't understand men.


Who cares what this asshat thinks! Stick with the plan !


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sdioneb said:


> Long story short....found out my husband of 10 years has an STD he didn't tell me about. Throught we wanted the same thing out of the relationship (BIG Wrong!!). Found out he had been lying...telling me he was on business trips, when he was actually still in town having fun at strip clubs. Now I've decided to leave and he makes it seem like I'm to blame. I don't understand men.


1. Get STD tested
2. He has committed adultery with strippers, the evidence is there
3. Get a lawyer, plan for divorce
4. Tell all family and friends and expose him, he needs to be accountable (there is nothing like shaming to give a good reality check
5. Do you have kids? I hope not
6. Go see a counsellor to get support as you will be on a roller coaster

Your WH sounds totally remorseless, you are doing the right thing in leaving him. You have nothing to be ashamed of and no guilt in this, show him you mean business, no negotiation, no discussion, go no contact.

BTW your WH sounds like a complete dog!


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## Moving-on (May 12, 2017)

I wrote another post "is blaming the jilted spouse normal." That will give more clarity.


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## Moving-on (May 12, 2017)

jimmy mcgill said:


> I'm sorry for all of this going on. If you did noting wrong as your post indicates, i feel for you. First step is get tested for STD's yourself and do not put yourself at risk with him in the future.


I honestly don't know what I've done to have him be this way. I do 90% of the household chores, care for the kids, support his endeavors, work full time and keep my appearance up. Other than being exhausted a lot from day to day life, I have no idea what his problem is. But, I'm coming to the realization that sometimes the problem is from within...and no one can fix that but him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Moving-on said:


> I honestly don't know what I've done to have him be this way. I do 90% of the household chores, care for the kids, support his endeavors, work full time and keep my appearance up. Other than being exhausted a lot from day to day life, I have no idea what his problem is. But, I'm coming to the realization that sometimes the problem is from within...and no one can fix that but him.


So he lies about where he is, has unprotected sex with other women, goes to strip clubs, has sex with you when he has an std, and then blames YOU???? 
The problem is that your husband is liar and a cheat. Worse than that he is risking your health. 
He has no moral values or integrity. Some people will cheat even if they have a good family at home. It's not your fault in anyway.

I am afraid that you have married a useless, immature, immoral man. Unless you want this to carry on you will have to leave.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> So he lies about where he is, has unprotected sex with other women, goes to strip clubs, has sex with you when he has an std, and then blames YOU????
> The problem is that your husband is liar and a cheat. Worse than that he is risking your health.
> He has no moral values or integrity. Some people will cheat even if they have a good family at home. It's not your fault in anyway.
> 
> I am afraid that you have married a useless, immature immoral man. Unless you want this to carry on you will have to leave.


Hear, Hear!
OP,
There is absolutely nothing you could have possibly done that could possibly explain, and certainly not justify, his behavior. There is no excuse whatsoever. You may never come to understand this particular man beyond him being a total louse, completely lacking in integrity or empathy. 

When you say "I don't understand men," it indicates that you may think his behavior is indicative of men in general. Please, please, please understand _it is not!_ Sure, there is no shortage of cheaters, this is most definitely not the norm. You have to understand that before you will fully realize that there is no excuse for this whatsoever--being a man does not make this acceptable, or even normal. 

If you listen to just one thing any of us says, let it be "you are not to blame." Only from that foundation can you begin to assess the situation correctly and take appropriate action.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Your WH sounds like a real winner. He acts like a complete asshat, and then tries to blame you? Get as far away from him as you can. I agree with @aine's checklist above.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Hear, Hear!
> OP,
> There is absolutely nothing you could have possibly done that could possibly explain, and certainly not justify, his behavior. There is no excuse whatsoever. You may never come to understand this particular man beyond him being a total louse, completely lacking in integrity or empathy.
> 
> ...


Agreed, no man I know would act that way. Any decent man of integrity would never do those things.


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