# Husband getting on my last nerve



## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

I love my husband very much but lately hes been getting on my last nerve. He is always accusing me of cheating on him and I have never had affair, on anyone. I have quite going out with my girlfriends, stopped taking calls, stop putting on make up, I dont even go to the grocery store anymore and still i get the run around. I am a social person so this is killing me, I lost many of my friends because i felt that he was my husband so he should come first, but it never seems good enough. I understand that his ex-girlfriend cheated on him alot, but i keep paying for her mistakes. It dosen't help any that we have the same first name and attended the same university, but I am not her! The sad thing is, I knew him when he was still with her and he was such a prince with her he did everything for her, and now, he turned into Shrek. I have to beg him to do anything with me or for me and he treats me like i dont exist, but with her she cheated and treated him bad and he would take her out and buy her top noch stuff. I happy if i could get a double cheeseburger from him. Things used to be different, once upon a time... but after we got married he has it in his head that im going to cheat or leave him just like she did, so why even bother. So what can i do?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

He has major trust/jealousy issues. Mostly trust due to his previous girlfriend.

My wife had/has major trust issues in this area as well. Her previous BF cheated on her AND her dad cheated on her mom (preacher/preacher's wife...so in her mind if it could happen to them, it could happen to anyone...). I swear we were married for 7+ years before the trust issues and jealousy issues died down.

Throw in the fact that she was date raped by a previous BF and she had some major intimacy issues as well (could not have an orgasm for at least the first 5 years of marriage). 

What I'm getting at is that I've been where you are at now, and it will eventually get better if you just keep assuring him you aren't cheating and will never cheat on him.

FYI, in my opinion bad move on getting rid of your friends, etc. You will end up resenting him for making you a "recluse" in your own home. You still need time with friends even in marriage.

Now, about the way he treats you other than trust. You need to ask him what he wants you to do. You stopped going out with friends for him and he doesn't want to do anything with you, should you just sit and stare at the wall all night?

The way he treats you probably stems from the trust issues as well. He believes you will eventually cheat so why put in the effort of treating you good/right?


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

That what he says. Why try if I'm going to do the same ( leave or cheat). The reason i stopped hanging out with my friends is because any where we went i would invite him to go, he always said no, and then get *****ed at when i would come home. He says that hes not cheating on me because he stays at home all day, i however am the cheater for going out, even if its just to walmart. I reasure him all the time, but its never enough. Even in bed, if i want to spice it up a bit he gets turned off because he thinks it is something i learned from some one else, and there really isn't any one else. As far as sitting at home starring at the wall, we have spoke about it before, and yes, thats what he wants me to do, at least he knows im not getting hit on. GRRRRRR!!!!!!


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## kate_spencer (Feb 20, 2009)

It really made a big impact on him.. Maybe, just don't stop keep saying that you're not cheating and will never be.. and that you love him so much you only wants to be him. I think for now, you have to sacrifice your social life or rather invite your friends to your house so your husband will see what your doing. 
Time will come that he will be able to trust you with everything, and will be the one to push you to go out with your friends. 
Just be there for him and help him move on.

Good luck.


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

You should not have to pay the price of his previous girlfriends. Unfortunately, I've seen this type of thing a number of times in my couples counseling practice - where one person constantly accuses the other of cheating, monitors their every move etc - when there is not a shred of evidence to support their notions. 

But their past clouds their present and they overlap their old experiences with the person in front of them. This can have a really damaging effect on the partner who wants nothing more than to love them and gain their trust - which never seems to happen.

The irony in all of this is that eventually, this type of behavior can create a self fulfilling prophecy where the partner feels so bad they can't get trust that they ultimately do stray...I've seen it.

By the way, you have the right to some of your own independence within the relationship!


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

I have invited my friends over, but then he gets upset. He claims that the house is his, even though i paid for it too and says i should consideration for him and his property. If i dont like it, once again I could get out. Then if i do leave and come back I "cheated on him" or "Its only a matter of time you leave for good" Sometimes i feel like he wants me to go, but then every morning and every night no matter how bad we fight he says he loves me and he doens't want me to leave. I dont get it.


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## wantingmore (Nov 24, 2008)

Maybe it is time to suggest counceling for him.
I would say if you don't want me to leave then you need to do this with me.


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## kate_spencer (Feb 20, 2009)

Yeah, I agree with wantingmore.. counseling will do help him and you both. He have to learn to trust again.. not all people are like his ex.


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

Well he has gone to counseling before. You see, my husband had some issues the first year we met, his mother who worked at the university we were both attending attempted to commit suicide at work. She OD'd on several pills, cut her wrist, and drank more that what she should. Since it was on campus grounds every one found out, and saw him cry and they were rushing her to the hospital. The school made him go to couseling and the diagnosed him paranoid schzophrenic, they wanted him to take medication for it. His mother at the time was taking medication for depression, which only made her more depressed and caused her to attempt suicide. I didn't feel it necessary for him to take the pills and he didn't either but he really didn't like couseling and i cant force him back. We both grew up in very abusive homes, we both were physically abused and sexually abused. Me by one of my immediate family members and him by his day care teacher. I think i have gotten over it, but he supresses alot and i have talked to him about counseling and he feels by talking about it its just going to make him crazier. He feels its better just to forget.


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

I think if he was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, he should definitely go to counselling and be treated with medication. As I recall from my Introduction to Abnormal Psychology class I took many years ago (I'm no expert, though): Schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder with psychotic (loss of touch with reality) characteristics. This can be a very dangerous situation for him and you and it would explain why he is so convinced you are cheating on him.


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