# Young and in a sexless marriage



## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

So I'm 23 and she'll be 25 in January.

I just... I'm done. I've no idea what to do anymore. We haven't had sex in 3 months now, and before that if was averaging once a month. Recently found out she's pregnant, though going through complications right now - bicoordinate uterus and some other stuff.

I've talked to her about it a good couple times already. Anytime I initiate or even touch her sensuality I get blown off - either just a no, or I don't feel good, or sick/hurt. I understand that she's going through stuff right now, and trying to be respectful of that. I'm trying not to get all upset about it as obviously if she's throwing up or her body is just saying no then can't very well be helped.

I'm just pretty well pissed off right now and feeling my self esteem go through the floor. When talked about it, says it's not me but she doesn't know what we can do to fix it. Doesn't help that the fact that she doesn't want sex makes me feel like the most unattractive person ever. I'm a pretty good looking guy; cute girls hit on me every once in a while but I want to have sex with my wife, not them. 

Her sex drive was fine before we got married and even after a couple months living together. Then just went from couple times a week to once every two, to where I'm at now. Started august of last year, and since then we've had sex maybe 12 times? I just don't get what happened. 

I'm just miserable and feel like there's no one who relates because we're so young. Been married now for almost two and a half years. The thing is, outside of the sex, our relationship is pretty solid. 

I just don't know what to say to her. Specifically now because due to her complications she might lose the baby and I can't be all pissed at her for not wanting sex - it's an unfair conversation to have I feel. No I'm not thinking about just the sex when she's going through this, but it's been a factor for my psst year and some and I need a resolution.

I don't very well have desire to leave her, nor capability. Currently going to college, not working, but preparing for grad school with research. Bills+tuition +time needed for studies and research? Literally not enough hours available for me to be on own.

Just completely lost on how to deal with this. I've read some threads here but not sure how well they actually apply to me considering my position.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well, as luck would have it, there is another current thread that very closely mirrors your sitch.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/143737-nearly-3-years-rare-but-unsatisfying-sex.html

I have to say though, while I get your frustration and feelings of hurt and rejection, while your wife is going through such a difficult pregnancy doesn't seem a very good time to really focus on sex.

With a pregnant wife, you have to give her a lot of attention. A difficult pregnancy means even more attention. So you are doubly feeling left out in the cold. How far along is she? At 20 weeks women usually start to feel relatively healthy again as they've adjusted to the multitude of changes their bodies are going through and the hormones are now settling down. It will get worse again during the last 6 weeks when she is absolutely miserable!

I hated being pregnant! I hated all the changes my body was going through, hated all the aches and pains, hated having to pee every 5 minutes, hated the crushing fatigue, swollen ankles, sore back, headaches that wouldn't go away with lousy Tylenol. It was only during the second trimester that I felt relatively normal. Then that first year after birth, EXHAUSTION!!!!! Just exhausted the entire time.

I find myself wondering at the lack of understanding and perhaps empathy... Two threads detailing a sexless marriage prior to pregnancy but during the pregnancy is when help is searched for. Is there something lacking in this generation? A sense of entitlement that is fiercely triggered by all the attention a pregnant woman is supposed to get from her husband?

Just FYI, being pregnant, for some women, absolutely sucks! I had wanted a large family but hated pregnancy so much I simply couldn't go through a third. Ended up pregnant a third time anyway then H got a vasectomy.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Entitlement, lol. My wife was old fashioned about the whole thing and breezed thru two pregnancies with no feeling of entitlement. If anything she got annoyed if I gave her more attention...

Maybe preggo-zilla is a natural follow up to bride-zilla if you get my drift...


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

Why didnt you bring this up with her when the sex started to go downhill over a year ago?

If you did, what was said?


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## Aule (Aug 20, 2012)

If she still feels this way a year from now, resign.


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## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

Pregnancy is definitely a concern, and thus has been set on the back burner on my end recently. 

I did bring it up back then, but got the excises of I don't know why, blah blah blah. 

However, I've been all pissed/frustrated lately and it's caused me to not be able to sleep well/at all. She noticed, and asked what's up. Explained didn't want to go into it as dealt with sex and with you (her) being pregnant not a fair topic.

We ended up talking a bit, she understood how I felt and that it isn't healthy going as we were but did promise it won't go back to how it was - devoid of sex. Days wants a healthy sex life too and once not feeling so ****ty we'll begin to work on it more.

So, definitely helped and theres hope now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Women aren't generally attracted to their dependents.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Women aren't generally attracted to their dependents.


This is true for 95% of us. Some women who have means prefer a "kept" man, but normally he would be rate very highly in the physical and visual sense, like an old days "gigilo". 

With this man, she will have huge sexual desire and draw.

For 95% of the schlubs out there, if there was a formula to describe it, being dependant on them decreases your attraction each time little by little.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

someguyga said:


> So I'm 23 and she'll be 25 in January.
> 
> I just... I'm done. I've no idea what to do anymore. We haven't had sex in 3 months now, and before that if was averaging once a month. Recently found out she's pregnant, though going through complications right now - bicoordinate uterus and some other stuff.
> 
> ...



If you were having sex once a month before she was pregnant, which is sexless, don't be surprised not to have sex at all during and after she has the baby. Having sex once a month is not fine!!! She is LD low sex drive and there isn't much you can do. She gave you good sex when you were dating, got serious and moved in together, got married, her true low sex drive self started to come out. This is due to how she was raised, her past bf's and how they treated her and any abuse she may have experienced.

You both should take the 5 love languages quiz and then show each other. That helped my wife and I big time.

Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®

For now, I would relive yourself as often as need be, but make sure you don't get addicted to porn. Or you could move on and find another woman with a healthy high sex drive and there are so many out there, TAM being a great example.

If your wife truly loves you, she will do the 5 love languages quiz and you both learn what you need from each other. If she doesn't really care, she won't change her sex drive towards you no matter what. She is low sex drive LD, comfy, pregnant, and married......why should she change?


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