# CHEATER ~ he loves me, he loves me NOT!



## Bleu (Sep 17, 2008)

Okay this is a long one ~I found out my husband was having an online relationship with another woman. I found out and he denied it, straight to my face for as long as he could. Let me retract a little bit, my husband and I have had financial instability throughout most of our relationship. We got married (that in itself took us back a lot) and his business took a dive, he was forced to work for someone else which he hated. 

I have never been the insecure or jealous type. On the contrary I always believe that if a man wanted to cheat he would do it no matter how much I played the detective, they always find a way and he did. About a month before our one year wedding anniversary I discovered a secret email account then a myspace account, then receipts and statements ~ to top it off I found the woman he was seeing. 

It was horrific, as if someone had pulled the rug right underneath me. He had began writing to this woman online one month after our marriage. They met about 6 months later an began dating, he met her family, her friends. They went on trips together, he spent all this money on gifts and things for her while I was terrified at the fact that we weren’t making ends meat. I worked a full time job and did some free lance work on the side to try to keep the household a float. All in the same time he was taking her out to lunch, calling / text messaging her (he average 1200 text a month). 

When the evidence was in front of him he came clean. He stated that they where never intimate that he was just looking for an escape. An escape? An escape from what? Me? He made it seem as if the finances where to blame. Yet he spent thousands on her, our situation would have improved greatly if he had invested that money towards our bills. I went on somewhat of a rampage, how could he do this to me? Things just started coming back to me like hard jab to the ribs. I remember that pregnancy scare, he acted as if a baby would be the most terrible thing that could happen ~ as if he did not want it. The pregnancy was just that a scare but everything changed for me mostly because of the reasons that he gave when I asked him about his reaction. He said that because I was taking prescription medications he was concerned that would affect a baby during the pregnancy. I have been taking these medications for years, I was already on them when I met him. Yet I was stupid and gullible, I decided to stop all meds, anti depressants, pain medication, insomnia aids. I did it because I thought he had our best interest in mind, again I was wrong. It was hell, I felt sad, alone, my back hurt terribly, I went up to 48 hours without sleep all because he said I should not depend so much on medicine. 

Now he claims he wants to work things out. That he is deeply sorry and that he would never jeopardize our relationship again. Now he wants to work towards having children and a home. What the fudge? Why would I want to take part in that now? We are still in debt, when should I expect his next episode of “escape”? I mean the man used my computer to talk to this woman, he text and spoke to her countless times on the PDA phone I bought him and that I paid for. He took her out on the Benz that I paid the note on, he wore the clothes that I bought, washed and ironed. And what if I do stay? What should I expect? He did all this within a month of our wedding. We just had our one year anniversary. I don’t know what to do. What can I do? I am just tired of it all. Therapy just makes me feel worse, its like reliving everything over and over again and it doesn’t get easier.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

First take a deep breath and relax. Stress isn't helpful in this situation and it will not solve things. It sounds like he has been playing you for a fool but that you love him. Have you talked to her and found out if they did have sex? That might be a deciding factor for you.

draconis


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## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

The word ESCAPE runs loosely in relationships... my husband for example, have used this as the 'reason' why he goes out with the boys....All of a sudden it's escpe from something, mainly their partners..... well, I think that is the most ridiculous excuse there is!

These people, male or female, want to have their issues justfied by blaming it on the other person... CLASSIC!
However, if the issues were turned and you gave such an excuse to have the right to run around with another person... they would not like it!

I say get to the bottom of it.... ASK what he really wants.... if he is being honest and wants to work it out..great~ 
If not, at least you know up front rather than he playing you for a fool!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Bleu said:


> What the fudge?


I can't say it better than that. Wow...one month into the marriage and he starts running around? If you decide to try to work things out, he will need to show you, by his actions, that he is 100% vested in your marriage & be able to clearly explain what the heck he was thinking...sorry, 'escape' just doesn't cut it in my book. At this point, you need some serious signs that he's a changed man and I wouldn't blame you if you're feeling it's too little too late.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Bleu said:


> Okay this is a long one ~I found out my husband was having an online relationship with another woman. I found out and he denied it, straight to my face for as long as he could. Let me retract a little bit, my husband and I have had financial instability throughout most of our relationship. We got married (that in itself took us back a lot) and his business took a dive, he was forced to work for someone else which he hated.
> 
> I have never been the insecure or jealous type. On the contrary I always believe that if a man wanted to cheat he would do it no matter how much I played the detective, they always find a way and he did. About a month before our one year wedding anniversary I discovered a secret email account then a myspace account, then receipts and statements ~ to top it off I found the woman he was seeing.
> 
> ...


Sweetie, you shouldn't take "so called" good advice from someone (your husband) that can't keep his pants up, and can't take care of his responsibilites better he does. Start taking care of you now. You did enough worrying for the both of you. Not that he was worried about his marriage and/or bills, that is. 

Why get married, if you can't even last a year without cheating?

You have to search your heart, love, and ask yourself is he and what he does to me worth staying with this man? 

You can have the sexist man alive, darlin, but what he does can make him ugly as hell, and not worthy of anyone's love.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

This i shorrefull. 
cheating oyu after a month.. and even before since he had ot go online first and LOOK for soemoen before meeting her. so he has no love for you.
drop him!
it must be very hurtfull and the alone way you are ogign to rebuild oyur selfestime and life is by cutting lose form him as fast as possible.
No i do not beleive atall htat he never ahd sex with her thats alie.
in one year lots happen he had pictures of her and all and they met and they had sex of course. what else?
he kept you outside and all that under wrap for a year and ahd no shmae denyign to have kids. Why? cause he had his plans somewhere else and promised that other women to divorce oyu so thet coudl get together and if oyu had been pregnant she might have been mad at him and thats why.
You dont know what he told her about oyu. maybe very abd things like you dont want to ahve sex and whats worse.
Leave him. this is too hurtfull for you
you do not seek an escape a few weeks after getting married. that alone is a dead sign.
there is no way back that memory wills tay with oyu and will stain everything in the future so the alone way you can get oyur selfworth and life back is by droping him.
i cant imagine the sufferign it must bne for you working so hard for everythign and beign so kind and trusting to him and he did that.
i think you should phone that woman meet her, fond out things, and tell her that you are the oen making money and that all he spend money onto in gifts was paid with your money.
What he did is totaly unacceptable and un forgivable.
Forgive yourself for having been taken for a fool, and walk away.
or show him the door.
this guy is not worth your care your thought your tears and yoru sorrow.
forget him.
What he did is horrefull. 
when one cheat a few weeks or less form marriage then one can never ever be trusted again.
He destroyed a lot for you and crsuhed your dreams and thus he was actign so badly in your back he didnt treated oyu good at home.
he craved for you to cut pain killers! menaing craved for you to be in pain.
I am so sorry for you. Please take care of you and put oyurself first, and drop him.
you cant ehal as long as he is there. What he did was evil, odnt let him go with it cause he will do it againa nd again and again. and the second time will feel 10 times worse for oyu and will be 10 times more damaging for oyur selfworth. And oyu do not want to do that to oyu, do you?
You are fragile now ina vulnerable palce where oyu need a lot of love ansd trusting and comforting and therefor it is so very difficult for you to shwo him the door and be on oyur own. But none the less thats what oyu need to do. it will crave a lot of courage form you lots of strenght to go through it, but after 2 months or less oyu will feel a renewal in oyru life. Sure it might take a year or 2 for you to come comletely over this and dont be hurt at all when thinking about it, but its worth to do it.
Do it for you.
you invested tyou whole in this and he was just not there at all.
Dont feel like you have to sacrifice yourself and oyur selfworth to be worth being loved, cause oyu dont.
You shouldnt have to go through hell to be loved and care for.
So odnt fall into that trap to let him go with it or forgiving him thigns that shoudlnt be. he did wrong thats not at you to give more. You ahve already given, so walk away from him and leave him wiht his remorse , if he can really feel any.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

draconis said:


> First take a deep breath and relax. Stress isn't helpful in this situation and it will not solve things. It sounds like he has been playing you for a fool but that you love him. Have you talked to her and found out if they did have sex? That might be a deciding factor for you.
> 
> draconis


why would it? After all he has done I doubt putting his penis in her vagina would change much. He hid an incredible second life from his wife. I have no doubt after all he did he had sex with her. The guy's a complete loser. The only thing that might be his saving grace is if the wife ignored his needs for years and he finally went out of his marriage. Not excusing what he did but would create a possibility for saving the marriage.


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

your rigth brad, but he actually cheated her 2 to 4 weeks after the day of their wedding. so we cannot talk about years of her ignoring his needs... looks like he ignored hers and in worse used the monety for the home to shower that other woman with gifts, and even used her money for it.. i cant beleive that she had to pay for HIS benzin and for his clothes and all! and he gave her nothing in return. thats tyical emn that seek greener grass elsewhere.
But to do so rigth after getting married and thety didnt even had kids together, then why on earth did he married her for????!
it makes no sense at all.


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