# HATE my stepkid



## Nix2

My stepson is a horrible person and I hate his guts. It is awful to feel this way about a child, but there it is. He is 15, soon to be 16, and the size of an NFL linebacker. He uses his size to intimidate and bully others, always has. I have been in his life since he turned 13. I had a good relationship with him until this spring when I argued for him to be psychicatrically hospitalized due to acting out behaviors. His sibling called my W and me begging for our help because idiot stepson was beating up their father. We did the only thing we could do living apart from them, we called the police. As a result he was hospitalized. 

He blames others for his actions, will not take any accountability. I am now the devil along with my W who has been the devil for years in his eyes. He hasn't spoken to me since April. He cannot accept any responsibility or accountability for his actions, which include strangling his mother (my W), beating up his father and terrifying his brother to the point where he barricaded his room with every piece of furniture he could find in order to prevent this piece of crap teenager from barging in and wreaking havoc.

My W and her ex made excuses for him in his younger years as he has his good points as well but he has always been disturbed. He has been in therapy pretty much consistently since the age of 10 and it has made no difference. My W says that he was flagged by his preschool as being in need of help at the age of 3 when he wouldn't follow directions there. The pattern has continued. Something as simple as asking why a certain homework assignment isn't done can set him off into a fit of rage, Either that, or he dissolves into tears and a panic attack (he has anxiety). He is truly dangerous. He could easily kill someone with his bare hands. 

He needs help. He has received, and is currently receiving, help. He has two therapists! But he isn't open to it, will not talk to anyone and wants to live in fantasyland where everything is provided to him and he doesn't have to lift a finger in effort. His grades suck, he has no goal in life. He and his brother both live with their father who enforces no discipline, is the quintessential beta male. My jerk stepson is the alpha in the household.

I love the kid despite my rage at how he is acting/is being enabled to act by his wimp of a father. And of course I am open to anything which may improve the situation. But I am more clear eyed about it than my W because he isn't mine. He is a time bomb. He's already attacked my wife and injured her in the past. I have told my W that until this situation improves considerably he is not welcome in our home, because I do not trust that he won't become violent again. At 6'5" and 250 pounds he is very strong. (I am a woman by the way, and a small one at that. I'd need a weapon to subdue him.)

EDIT: My W has had premonitions that this child will murder her one day. Knowing this, there is no way in hell I am going to give him the opportunity. The only thing I can do is bar him from our home, from overnight stays (which were commonplace until this year due to their ages). He strangled her when he was 15 and caused an eye injury. On one occasion within the last year we were shopping with him and he casually put his arm around my W's shoulder and said "I could wrap my hands around your neck and strangle you until you are dead." He is a SICK puppy.


----------



## MrsAldi

You did the correct thing by addressing his behaviour & seeking help. 

One day when's he's older he'll thank you & his mother/father

Please remember that he's still a child & is unwell, many children with anger issues are often hated etc but a kind thought (empathy) or gesture (showing compassion) into understanding them will go a long way. 

Be patient (I know that's easier said that done!) but remember you're dealing with a young person who's going through a difficult time. 




Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## GusPolinski

Nix2 said:


> My stepson is a horrible person and I hate his guts. It is awful to feel this way about a child, but there it is. He is 15, soon to be 16, and the size of an NFL linebacker. He uses his size to intimidate and bully others, always has. I have been in his life since he turned 13. I had a good relationship with him until this spring when I argued for him to be psychicatrically hospitalized due to acting out behaviors. His sibling called my W and me begging for our help because idiot stepson was beating up their father. We did the only thing we could do living apart from them, we called the police. As a result he was hospitalized.
> 
> He blames others for his actions, will not take any accountability. I am now the devil along with my W who has been the devil for years in his eyes. He hasn't spoken to me since April. He cannot accept any responsibility or accountability for his actions, which include strangling his mother (my W), beating up his father and terrifying his brother to the point where he barricaded his room with every piece of furniture he could find in order to prevent this piece of crap teenager from barging in and wreaking havoc.
> 
> My W and her ex made excuses for him in his younger years as he has his good points as well but he has always been disturbed. He has been in therapy pretty much consistently since the age of 10 and it has made no difference. My W says that he was flagged by his preschool as being in need of help at the age of 3 when he wouldn't follow directions there. The pattern has continued, he is an entitled, spoiled brat who has now grown to a size where his behavior it not just annoying, it is truly dangerous. He could easily kill someone with his bare hands.
> 
> He needs help. He has received, and is currently receiving, help. He has two therapists! But he isn't open to it, will not talk to anyone and wants to live in fantasyland where everything is provided to him and he doesn't have to lift a finger in effort. His grades suck, he has no goal in life. He and his brother both live with their father who enforces no discipline, is the quintessential beta male. My jerk stepson is the alpha in the household.
> 
> I love the kid despite my rage at how he is acting/is being enabled to act by his wimp of a father. And of course I am open to anything which may improve the situation. But I am more clear eyed about it than my W because he isn't mine. He is a time bomb. He's already attacked my wife and injured her in the past. I have told my W that until this situation improves considerably he is not welcome in our home, because I do not trust that he won't become violent again. At 6'5" and 250 pounds he is very strong. (I am a woman by the way, and a small one at that. *I'd need a weapon to subdue him.*)
> 
> EDIT: My W has had premonitions that this child will murder her one day. Knowing this, there is no way in hell I am going to give him the opportunity. The only thing I can do is bar him from our home, from overnight stays (which were commonplace until this year due to their ages). He strangled her when he was 15 and caused an eye injury. On one occasion within the last year we were shopping with him and he casually put his arm around my W's shoulder and said "I could wrap my hands around your neck and strangle you until you are dead." He is a SICK puppy.


Do you have one?


----------



## Nix2

MrsAldi said:


> You did the correct thing by addressing his behaviour & seeking help.
> 
> One day when's he's older he'll thank you & his mother/father
> 
> Please remember that he's still a child & is unwell, many children with anger issues are often hated etc but a kind thought (empathy) or gesture (showing compassion) into understanding them will go a long way.
> 
> Be patient (I know that's easier said that done!) but remember you're dealing with a young person who's going through a difficult time.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


I would agree with you totally, but the kid is violent.


----------



## Nix2

GusPolinski said:


> Do you have one?


No firearms.


----------



## GusPolinski

Nix2 said:


> No firearms.


You may want to seriously consider getting one. If you do, I'd advise you not to tell your nascent, hulking sociopath of a stepson -- and _maybe_ not even your wife -- that you have one, at least not until you've pulled it out in order to use it.


----------



## MrsAldi

Nix2 said:


> I would agree with you totally, but the kid is violent.


I'm terribly sorry you're in this situation. 
Sometimes a condition like for example, Schizophrenia, may cause violence. 
This can be addressed with certain kinds of medicines, depending on his diagnosed disorder. 

Please remember that it's the disorder making the violence & they can be unaware & not even realise what they're are doing. 

Getting angry at this child will entice more violence on his end. 

Is he still in hospital? 
Has he been diagnosed with anything yet? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Nix2

GusPolinski said:


> You may want to seriously consider getting one. If you do, I'd advise you not to tell your nascent, hulking sociopath of a stepson -- and _maybe_ not even your wife -- that you have one, at least not until you've pulled it out in order to use it.


I have considered it. My state does have a concealed carry law on the books and my BIL is a 2A aficianado. He would be willing to teach me to shoot.

For general purposes of protection, but yes, also for this specific situation, I would like to learn how to safely handle a firearm for self-defense. And yes, I would keep it a secret. 

I mentioned to my W after he strangled her last year that I was thinking of this and she was very upset to say the least. Which is understandable.


----------



## Nix2

MrsAldi said:


> I'm terribly sorry you're in this situation.
> Sometimes a condition like for example, Schizophrenia, may cause violence.
> This can be addressed with certain kinds of medicines, depending on his diagnosed disorder.
> 
> Please remember that it's the disorder making the violence & they can be unaware & not even realise what they're are doing.
> 
> Getting angry at this child will entice more violence on his end.
> 
> Is he still in hospital?
> Has he been diagnosed with anything yet?
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


I understand what you are saying. For me it is not about getting angry, it is about enforcing consequences. 

He needs to learn how to act in society without becoming violent. Walking on eggshells around a volatile, mentally ill teenager is the absolute worst thing to do IMHO.

He knows what he is doing. He is not delusional.

What happens when his first GF dumps him? Does he strangle her?

I honestly believe he is going to kill someone one day. It's just my mission to ensure that it isn't my W or me.

Yes he has mental health diagnoses. He has medication. He doesn't take it. He refuses and his father won't/can't make him.


----------



## MrsAldi

Nix2 said:


> I understand what you are saying. For me it is not about getting angry, it is about enforcing consequences.
> 
> He needs to learn how to act in society without becoming violent. Walking on eggshells around a volatile, mentally ill teenager is the absolute worst thing to do IMHO.
> 
> He knows what he is doing. He is not delusional.
> 
> What happens when his first GF dumps him? Does he strangle her?
> 
> I honestly believe he is going to kill someone one day. It's just my mission to ensure that it isn't my W or me.
> 
> Yes he has mental health diagnoses. He has medication. He doesn't take it. He refuses and his father won't/can't make him.


Then he needs to go back into care/hospital for a longer period of time. 
He needs serious help. 
What about the psychiatric emergency hold? 
What this put into place? 



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## GusPolinski

If he's as big as you say he is, you'd need _at least_ a .40 cal (and, honestly, probably a .45) to stop him in his tracks.

And hollow points.

It really, really sucks that you have think about your stepson in such terms, but I guess it is what it is at this point.

After all, you're someone's child too. As is your wife.

_And_ your other stepson.


----------



## Nix2

GusPolinski said:


> If he's as big as you say he is, you'd need _at least_ a .40 cal (and, honestly, probably a .45) to stop him in his tracks.
> 
> And hollow points.
> 
> It really, really sucks that you have think about your stepson in such terms, but I guess it is what it is at this point.
> 
> After all, you're someone's child too. As is your wife.
> 
> _And_ your other stepson.


You are absolutely right. Thanks.

At the moment he is refusing to speak to us which is a blessing. My W, being the biological mother, of course keeps trying to "get through" to him. Tries to call. But he won't come to the phone.

As painful as it is for her, given the situation I think that is for the best.


----------



## Nix2

MrsAldi said:


> Then he needs to go back into care/hospital for a longer period of time.
> He needs serious help.
> What about the psychiatric emergency hold?
> What this put into place?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk



By the time he got to the hospital, he was calmly explaining that my W overreacted. He was placed in a day program, not full hospitalization, and he hasn't spoken to us since he was released.

We are in the US. As we just saw with Orlando, around here things tend to be ignored until tragedy strikes.

I can easily see my SS doing something like that. 

My SS lives with his dad who thinks that SS is "fine" as long as he doesn't see his mother, my W.


----------



## GusPolinski

Nix2 said:


> You are absolutely right. Thanks.
> 
> At the moment he is refusing to speak to us which is a blessing. My W, being the biological mother, of course keeps trying to "get through" to him. Tries to call. But he won't come to the phone.
> 
> As painful as it is for her, given the situation I think that is for the best.


I'd agree.

Hopefully he'll continue to refuse to take her calls.

Best case is he'll "snap out of it" at some point, and will stop being a d**che that uses his size to intimidate others.

Worst case... well, there are tons of worst case scenarios, and unfortunately one of them will likely come to pass at some point. Hell, there's always someone bigger, and if he doesn't change his ways, he may very well wind up running afoul of someone's 6'10" 350 lb cousin.

Have you considered having your younger stepson stay w/ you? Is that a possibility?


----------



## Nix2

GusPolinski said:


> I'd agree.
> 
> Hopefully he'll continue to refuse to take her calls.
> 
> Best case is he'll "snap out of it" at some point, and will stop being a d**che that uses his size to intimidate others.
> 
> Worst case... well, there are tons of worst case scenarios, and unfortunately one of them will likely come to pass at some point. Hell, there's always someone bigger, and if he doesn't change his ways, he may very well wind up running afoul of someone's 6'10" 350 lb cousin.
> 
> Have you considered having your younger stepson stay w/ you? Is that a possibility?


Younger son isn't violent and aggressive, but he is also estranged from us. He won't talk to us either.

My W and her ex-H, the kids' dad, had a very high conflict divorce which included a lengthy, expensive court case which almost bankrupted Dad, and Dad made sure the kids understood that Mom was the cause.


----------



## MrsAldi

I have a brother who is mentally ill. 
He has a tendency for violence when he's not on his meds. 
He takes about 5 different tablets & gets a monthly injection. 
He will always have to take these medications. 
He has recovered well & has to avoid alcohol at all times. 
I understand what you're going through believe me & I really hope things get better for everyone in the situation. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Anon Pink

If this boy is under the care of two therapists (which doesn't make sense) do you know what his diagnosis is?

Whether his problem is a result of Reactive Attachment Disorder or psychopathy, if what you describe as his behavior is true and accurate, why the hell is this child not already placed in a residential treatment facility where he can be safely structured, safely medicated, safely schooled, and safely in therapy.

I'm very concerned about a gun in the home where this violent and unpredictable young man might accidentally find it! Even if you kept it locked in a gun safe, with that thing on the trigger that prevented it from firing, it would be almost useless to you in an emergency because by the time you got it out and unlocked and loaded, it would probably be too late to save your wife. Furthermore, if she isn't to know you have a gun in the house, she obviously couldn't use it to save herself should you be absent.

If you are in this much fear for your safety or your wife's safety, this child belongs in a facility. Period. End of story. Adding a gun to this scenario is ineffective at best and downright deadly and
dangerous for everyone involved at worst.


----------



## GusPolinski

Nix2 said:


> Younger son isn't violent and aggressive, but he is also estranged from us. He won't talk to us either.
> 
> My W and her ex-H, the kids' dad, had a very high conflict divorce which included a lengthy, expensive court case which almost bankrupted Dad, and Dad made sure the kids understood that Mom was the cause.


Hmm.

I'm just going to ask...

Any infidelity involved?


----------



## Anon Pink

Nix2 said:


> Yes he has mental health diagnoses. He has medication. He doesn't take it. He refuses and his father won't/can't make him.


Talk to the department of social services in your state and ask them how to best ensure the step son is safe, as well as those who live with the step son. If the other son is in fear for his safety, DSS could potentially step in and enforce mental health treatment for the violent brother OR move the younger one out of the unsafe environment.


----------



## Anon Pink

GusPolinski said:


> Hmm.
> 
> I'm just going to ask...
> 
> Any infidelity involved?


:lol:

What the hell has that got to do with this thread?


----------



## soccermom2three

When he attacked your wife and injured her, why wasn't the police called?


----------



## GusPolinski

Anon Pink said:


> :lol:
> 
> What the hell has that got to do with this thread?


The answer might have given a bit of insight into the relationship dynamic that existed between OP's wife and her ex just prior to the divorce, and therefore how the children perceive Mom.


----------



## GusPolinski

soccermom2three said:


> When he attacked your wife and injured her, why wasn't the police called?


*cough* Mom is an enabler!


----------



## Kivlor

Nix2 said:


> My stepson is a horrible person and I hate his guts.... I *had a good relationship *with him until this spring when I argued for him to be psychicatrically hospitalized due to acting out behaviors. His sibling called my W and me begging for our help because idio*t stepson was beating up their father*. We did the only thing we could do living apart from them, we called the police. As a result he was hospitalized.
> 
> *He cannot accept any responsibility or accountability for his actions, which include strangling his mother (my W), beating up his father and terrifying his brother to the point where he barricaded his room* with every piece of furniture he could find in order to prevent this piece of crap teenager from barging in and wreaking havoc.
> 
> My W and her ex made excuses for him in his younger years as he has his good points as well but he has always been disturbed. He has been in therapy pretty much consistently since the age of 10 and it has made no difference. My W says that he was flagged by his preschool as being in need of help at the age of 3 when he wouldn't follow directions there. The pattern has continued. *Something as simple as asking why a certain homework assignment isn't done can set him off into a fit of rage, Either that, or he dissolves into tears and a panic attack* (he has anxiety). He is truly dangerous. He could easily kill someone with his bare hands.
> 
> He needs help. He has received, and is currently receiving, help. He has two therapists! But he isn't open to it, will not talk to anyone and wants to live in fantasyland where everything is provided to him and he doesn't have to lift a finger in effort. His grades suck, he has no goal in life. He and his brother both live with their father who enforces no discipline, is the quintessential beta male. My jerk stepson is the alpha in the household.
> 
> *He's already attacked my wife and injured her in the past*. I have told my W that until this situation improves considerably he is not welcome in our home, because I do not trust that he won't become violent again. At 6'5" and 250 pounds he is very strong. (I am a woman by the way, and a small one at that. I'd need a weapon to subdue him.)
> 
> EDIT: My W has had premonitions that this child will murder her one day. Knowing this, there is no way in hell I am going to give him the opportunity. The only thing I can do is bar him from our home, from overnight stays (which were commonplace until this year due to their ages). He strangled her when he was 15 and caused an eye injury. On one occasion within the last year we were shopping with him and he casually put his arm around my W's shoulder and said "I could wrap my hands around your neck and strangle you until you are dead." He is a SICK puppy.


Okay... So I want to get the facts straight. 1 You are a lesbian couple, so no one is going to discipline this 6'+ 200+lb guy. He has assaulted your W, and strangled her. What did you do about that? He has assaulted his dad; what did the dad do about that?

I want to point out that you were, in your own words, on good terms with him after HE STRANGLED YOUR WIFE.

The kids were abused you say. How? 

Your whole family needs counseling. And some sort of plan for defending yourselves needs to be implemented.


----------



## Anon Pink

GusPolinski said:


> The answer might have given a bit of insight into the relationship dynamic that existed between OP's wife and her ex just prior to the divorce, and therefore how the children perceive Mom.


Yup, I agree but the knowledge won't alter what's happening now or what needs to happen soon.


----------



## Nix2

Anon Pink said:


> If this boy is under the care of two therapists (which doesn't make sense) do you know what his diagnosis is?
> 
> Whether his problem is a result of Reactive Attachment Disorder or psychopathy, if what you describe as his behavior is true and accurate, why the hell is this child not already placed in a residential treatment facility where he can be safely structured, safely medicated, safely schooled, and safely in therapy.
> 
> I'm very concerned about a gun in the home where this violent and unpredictable young man might accidentally find it! Even if you kept it locked in a gun safe, with that thing on the trigger that prevented it from firing, it would be almost useless to you in an emergency because by the time you got it out and unlocked and loaded, it would probably be too late to save your wife. Furthermore, if she isn't to know you have a gun in the house, she obviously couldn't use it to save herself should you be absent.
> 
> If you are in this much fear for your safety or your wife's safety, this child belongs in a facility. Period. End of story. Adding a gun to this scenario is ineffective at best and downright deadly and
> dangerous for everyone involved at worst.


And I can see this argument as well. I think the best solution is for my stepson NOT to come to our home. Up to this point he has not become violent in public and if he does, obviously we would have access to help from others in the area.

In a WORST case situation if someone's life was at stake, a table lamp to the skull or even if necessary, God forbid, a butcher knife would do an effective job. 

But the best case scenario is to grant SS's desire for no contact. My W doesn't want to accept this. With that said she knows he is dangerous (though she doesn't want to admit the degree yet) and I think she will not fight too hard against my boundary that any contact with him happen in a public place.

Since SS lives with Dad, the professionals who have encountered us so far tend to weight his opinion over that of my W. As the stepparent I have no say, really. My W has been painted as a hysteric who is exaggerating my SS's behavior. Dad is in denial, rugsweeps everything and says that SS is "fine" as long as he has no contact with my W.

Meanwhile, we have spoken to SS's therapists (one is for IC, the other is a psychiatrist for med management). SS is not compliant with his meds. The IC refuses to tell us anything and the psych says she cannot get through to him, that he is disrespectful, curses her out and that he is making no progress. She says he has no insight into his behavior and prefers to blame others, primarily my W.

So we can't really do anything. Dad wants him off meds and out of therapy and honestly believes his only problem is my W.


----------



## Nix2

soccermom2three said:


> When he attacked your wife and injured her, why wasn't the police called?


You're right. It was a mistake. I wanted to have him arrested immediately. I had the phone in my hand to call 911. The younger son was hysterical and my W asked me to wait, and I did as she asked. In retrospect, I should have made the call.


----------



## GusPolinski

Anon Pink said:


> Yup, I agree but the knowledge won't alter what's happening now or what needs to happen soon.


It might give an impartial 3rd party a bit of added insight that could assist in terms of offering advice on how to repair the strained relationship w/ the children, especially the younger one.

If, for example, Dad is telling the kids, "She chose her girlfriend over us!", there may be specific ways for OP's wife to demonstrate loyalty to her children (especially the younger one) in such a way that it diffuses Dad's BS.

Bottom line? I didn't ask out of petty voyeuristic curiosity.


----------



## GusPolinski

Nix2 said:


> And I can see this argument as well. I think the best solution is for my stepson NOT to come to our home. Up to this point he has not become violent in public and if he does, obviously we would have access to help from others in the area.
> 
> *In a WORST case situation if someone's life was at stake, a table lamp to the skull or even if necessary, God forbid, a butcher knife would do an effective job. *
> 
> But the best case scenario is to grant SS's desire for no contact. My W doesn't want to accept this. With that said she knows he is dangerous (though she doesn't want to admit the degree yet) and I think she will not fight too hard against my boundary that any contact with him happen in a public place.
> 
> Since SS lives with Dad, the professionals who have encountered us so far tend to weight his opinion over that of my W. As the stepparent I have no say, really. My W has been painted as a hysteric who is exaggerating my SS's behavior. Dad is in denial, rugsweeps everything and says that SS is "fine" as long as he has no contact with my W.
> 
> Meanwhile, we have spoken to SS's therapists (one is for IC, the other is a psychiatrist for med management). SS is not compliant with his meds. The IC refuses to tell us anything and the psych says she cannot get through to him, that he is disrespectful, curses her out and that he is making no progress. She says he has no insight into his behavior and prefers to blame others, primarily my W.
> 
> So we can't really do anything. Dad wants him off meds and out of therapy and honestly believes his only problem is my W.


You've got to be within arm's reach for either of those approaches to work, and that's a dangerous place to be.

And neither may be sufficient to stop him before he's able to strangle someone else.


----------



## Anon Pink

The paradox of Munchausen by Proxy is that to disprove it, the suspected parent must remove herself from the child's life entirely and wait for the symptoms to reappear without her presence.

It is a very unfortunate side effect of an acrimonious divorce that the children will be severely affected. The parent who blows the whistle on the symptoms the children show as a result of being affected by the acrimonious divorce, is the de facto hysterical parent. And the parent who claims all is well is the de facto enabling parent.

I am sorry for what you and your wife and her children are going through.


----------



## Nix2

Kivlor said:


> Okay... So I want to get the facts straight. 1 You are a lesbian couple, so no one is going to discipline this 6'+ 200+lb guy. He has assaulted your W, and strangled her. What did you do about that? He has assaulted his dad; what did the dad do about that?
> 
> I want to point out that you were, in your own words, on good terms with him after HE STRANGLED YOUR WIFE.
> 
> The kids were abused you say. How?
> 
> Your whole family needs counseling. And some sort of plan for defending yourselves needs to be implemented.


Yes, everyone is in counseling. Yes, it's a horrible situation.

After he strangled my W, we immediately notified his therapists. Numerous emergency sessions were held, in which I participated since I witnessed the events. It was my W's wish that I reconcile with her kid and not hold this incident against him. She forgave him and expected me to do so, too.

He never apologized to my W or expressed any remorse. But after about a month of NC with him and his brother the therapists recommended that we resume visits. SS and my W/kids Dad attended those sessions together.


----------



## Kivlor

Nix2 said:


> Yes, everyone is in counseling. Yes, it's a horrible situation.
> 
> After he strangled my W, we immediately notified his therapists. Numerous emergency sessions were held, in which I participated since I witnessed the events. It was my W's wish that I reconcile with her kid and not hold this incident against him. She forgave him and expected me to do so, too.
> 
> He never apologized to my W or expressed any remorse. But after about a month of NC with him and his brother the therapists recommended that we resume visits. SS and my W/kids Dad attended those sessions together.


And what was the "reason" for him doing this to his own mother?

What kind of meds to they have him on. You say you're seeing multiple therapists, I take it one is a Psychologist, the other a Psychiatrist? Or is it a different setup?

You said the kids were abused / neglected. Could you give some sort of examples, or descriptions? It will help others understand what you're dealing with.


----------



## SunCMars

Buy two Tasers.

You carry one, give the wife the other.

Do NOT let ANYONE know that you have them on your person. Carry them only when Goliath is around.

He needs to be medicated...into a calm state. 



Problem: He will likely resist and refuse to take the meds.

He will get worse. I predict he cannot ever be employed...Why? No H.S. Degree, no resume can be created with this young man. He will be fired from every job. He will be fast-tracked into crime, maybe drugs.

At best, I see landscaping jobs in his future. They still employ troubled humans and those with a criminal past.

He likely will end up in prison for violence, maybe REDRUM...read backwards.

I hope I am wrong.

Sorry


----------



## Nix2

SunCMars said:


> Buy two Tasers.
> 
> You carry one, give the wife the other.
> 
> Do NOT let ANYONE know that you have them on your person. Carry them only when Goliath is around.
> 
> He needs to be medicated...into a calm state.
> 
> 
> 
> Problem: He will likely resist and refuse to take the meds.
> 
> He will get worse. I predict he cannot ever be employed...Why? No H.S. Degree, no resume can be created with this young man. He will be fired from every job. He will be fast-tracked into crime, maybe drugs.
> 
> At best, I see landscaping jobs in his future. They still employ troubled humans and those with a criminal past.
> 
> He likely will end up in prison for violence, maybe REDRUM...read backwards.
> 
> I hope I am wrong.
> 
> Sorry


Good idea re: Tasers, if anyone has info to share regarding the requirements for licensing etc I would be appreciative.

And I share your pessimistic outlook, barring an act of God that causes him to realize how desperately he needs his meds/psychological help, and to accept said help.

Sadly.


----------



## dash74

I wish you the best no one said marriage was roses ask any hetro couple with a blended marriage. You need patience and understanding to make it work with clear lines and zero alienation, or you will find that you are the bad guy not just to your stepkids but your wife too.

You also sound like you have a budding sociopath you and your wife will need help to learn how to deal with this his dad too

Get a handgun and learn to shoot 

Also look in to this Pink Pistols ? Pick On Someone Your Own Caliber I used to shoot steal with some pp as my uncle is a member and they are a hoot


----------



## Kivlor

Nix2 said:


> In a WORST case situation if someone's life was at stake, a table lamp to the skull or even if necessary, God forbid, a butcher knife would do an effective job.


I'm curious, do you lift a lot of weights? How much do you weigh? There's a reason that boxing and MMA are set into weight classes. A guy with 20+lbs on another guy is going to pummel the smaller man, almost every time. I wouldn't even remotely hope that a lamp is going to stop him, or a knife unless you're at least in the ballpark in size or have the element of surprise and you don't stop.

I'm 5'8, 200lbs, lift weights, and I'd be pretty worried trying to win in any close quarters scenario against a guy that size.

Don't get me wrong, if that's all you have available, you use it. I just don't think that's the plan I'd bank on.


----------



## GusPolinski

dash74 said:


> I wish you the best no one said marriage was roses ask any hetro couple with a blended marriage. You need patience and understanding to make it work with clear lines and zero alienation, or you will find that you are the bad guy not just to your stepkids but your wife too.
> 
> You also sound like you have a budding sociopath you and your wife will need help to learn how to deal with this his dad too
> 
> Get a handgun and learn to shoot
> 
> Also look in to this Pink Pistols ? Pick On Someone Your Own Caliber I used to shoot steal with some pp as my uncle is a member and they are a hoot


Taurus Judge.

That is all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nix2

Kivlor said:


> I'm curious, do you lift a lot of weights? How much do you weigh? There's a reason that boxing and MMA are set into weight classes. A guy with 20+lbs on another guy is going to pummel the smaller man, almost every time. I wouldn't even remotely hope that a lamp is going to stop him, or a knife unless you're at least in the ballpark in size or have the element of surprise and you don't stop.
> 
> I'm 5'8, 200lbs, lift weights, and I'd be pretty worried trying to win in any close quarters scenario against a guy that size.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, if that's all you have available, you use it. I just don't think that's the plan I'd bank on.


Huh. Thanks for the perspective.

I am thinking that my immediate need for protection is best addressed with a Taser. Need to do more research. I looked online and saw that I need to get a FOID, so I can start there.

I am 5'2" and you must know never to ask a lady her age or weight, but if you've heard the "I'm A Little Teapot" song - I'm short and stout. Strong for my size but you are correct, no match against an enraged dude a foot and a half taller than me, at least 30 pounds heavier, and 35 years younger.


----------



## Nix2

GusPolinski said:


> Taurus Judge.
> 
> That is all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for the tip, I am going to apply for my FOID which I would need anyway, and then I will speak to my BIL (sister's husband) who is a proud NRA member.


----------



## dash74

GusPolinski said:


> Taurus Judge.
> 
> That is all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




To big to carry but I recommend this all the time in .45/.410 with Winchester pdx1 same principle but way more compact Snake Slayer - Bond Arms 

Pdx1 shells










Edit if you get a ccl do your class with a Semiauto so you can carry revolvers, semiautos or derringers in some states if you do it with a revolver you are licensed only to carry a revolver or derringer


----------



## GusPolinski

dash74 said:


> To big to carry but I recommend this all the time in .45/.410 with Winchester pdx1 same principle but way more compact Snake Slayer - Bond Arms
> 
> Pdx1 shells


Damn.

Could you imagine taking two barrels full of that at the same time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dash74

GusPolinski said:


> Damn.
> 
> Could you imagine taking two barrels full of that at the same time?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is the real deal you don't plink with it


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish

Wow! Any incidences in the future should be reported to the police asap. You'll build up a report on him which you may need in the future for a restraining order. Your focus really at this point should be protecting yourselves. He should not be allowed in your home at any time, nor should either of you be alone with him. Stay away & stop calling. You cannot control what is going on in the other home. If both of you have been told repeatedly that he views your W as the problem, then listen to that. Give him the space; not doing so may be construed as your W harassing him. Good luck.


----------



## Nix2

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Wow! Any incidences in the future should be reported to the police asap. You'll build up a report on him which you may need in the future for a restraining order. Your focus really at this point should be protecting yourselves. He should not be allowed in your home at any time, nor should either of you be alone with him. Stay away & stop calling. You cannot control what is going on in the other home. If both of you have been told repeatedly that he views your W as the problem, then listen to that. Give him the space; not doing so may be construed as your W harassing him. Good luck.


Thanks and I agree with you.

My W can't cope with her son rejecting her this way but she isn't pushing things so much that he has snapped. Yet.

Sunday is Father's Day and there's a big party planned with my W's parents. Both my Skids are expected to attend. I do not expect this one will and my W is not going to push it.

My own father is deceased so Father's Day for me involves a cemetery visit. :crying:

I may need to tell my W I don't want to be present if there is any chance that SS will appear. My W expects me to defend her from him. Obviously my W and I will need to have some very serious discussion about this issue.


----------



## SunCMars

Nix2 said:


> Good idea re: Tasers, if anyone has info to share regarding the requirements for licensing etc I would be appreciative.
> 
> And I share your pessimistic outlook, barring an act of God that causes him to realize how desperately he needs his meds/psychological help, and to accept said help.
> 
> Sadly.


No, Tasers are not legal in every state and city. 

However, one can usually protect oneself in your own home. I would worry less about the police than being beaten to death. 



Here is a list that I found. I cannot attest to its accuracy. Call your local police department.


The following STATES are ILLEGAL to own or possess a stun gun:
•Hawaii
•Illinois – LEGAL but has restrictions – Illinois Stun Gun Laws
•Massachusetts
•Michigan – Stun Guns are prohibited. Only devices that contain an identification and tracking system that dispenses coded material when the device is used are allowed. TASER devices are the only ones currently legal.
•New Jersey
•New York
•Rhode Island
•District of Columbia

The following CITIES are ILLEGAL to own or possess a stun gun:
•Annapolis, MD
•Baltimore, MD
•Chicago, IL
•Philadelpia, PA

The following COUNTIES are ILLEGAL to own or possess a stun gun:
•Baltimore County, MD
•Crawford County, IA


----------



## Nix2

Just a quick update. Had a heart to heart with my W and she agrees with me that SS should neither be allowed in our home, nor should either of us be alone with him. It's good to be on the same page with her. It allows me to let go of my own fear and anger to an extent so I can be a good spouse to her. This is extraordinarily difficult for her.

Thanks for the civil and helpful discussion, I hope it also helps some other families as I suspect this is one of many problems suffered by many but discussed by few.


----------



## MrsAldi

@Nix2 I'm glad things are getting a bit better for you, it's always good to talk about the things you're going through with your spouse. 
You're correct a lot of families all over the world go through this type of situation, it's needs to be talked about more so people can spot the signs & get all the help available. 
It should not be a stigma/shame as mental illness doesn't discriminate and can affect anyone who is under pressures of life. 
Remember that support is always here for you. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Nix2

Looks like SS is out of our lives for the foreseeable future if not permanently.

He did not get himself locked up or killed, more a parental alienation thing against my W.

I am sad for my W because she loves her kid and wants a relationship for him. I am delighted. He is going to make a lot of people cry one day.

Now to be a good spouse. Help her through the loss of her kids. They are both alienated from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Sometimes, even when they are young, it is best to let them fail. One thing I would recommenced, if you are seriously contemplating a gun, is go to a gun shop with a shooting range. Many areas have a weekly free ladies day so, go test out a few calibers and different guns out. Last thing you need to do, is buy something you may be scared of, but have no experience with in the first place. Many people buy them and then are too scared and have no clue how to handle them.


----------



## GusPolinski

Nix2 said:


> Just a quick update. Had a heart to heart with my W and she agrees with me that SS should neither be allowed in our home, nor should either of us be alone with him. It's good to be on the same page with her. It allows me to let go of my own fear and anger to an extent so I can be a good spouse to her. This is extraordinarily difficult for her.
> 
> Thanks for the civil and helpful discussion, I hope it also helps some other families as I suspect this is one of many problems suffered by many but discussed by few.





Nix2 said:


> Looks like SS is out of our lives for the foreseeable future if not permanently.
> 
> He did not get himself locked up or killed, more a parental alienation thing against my W.
> 
> I am sad for my W because she loves her kid and wants a relationship for him. I am delighted. He is going to make a lot of people cry one day.
> 
> Now to be a good spouse. Help her through the loss of her kids. They are both alienated from her.


Good.

Now go buy a pistol and learn to use it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera

What happened, that he's out of the picture?


----------



## jimrich

Your last sentence: "He is a SICK puppy." pretty much sums it up plus what you have written about the inadequate parenting this sick puppy has had. I see him as a victim of very bad parenting along with perhaps some genetic flaws but mostly just plain old bad parenting! 


Nix2 said:


> My stepson is a horrible person and I hate his guts.


Hate his guts if you must but he is NOT a horrible person. He is the VICTIM of horrible adults who have FAILED to help him acquire normal social skills and responsibilities - according to your story!



> He uses his size to intimidate and bully others, always has.


Always has? Only because someone, his parents, allowed or maybe even encouraged this to happen!



> His sibling called my W and me begging for our help because idiot stepson was beating up their father. We did the only thing we could do living apart from them, we called the police. As a result he was hospitalized.


That could have been a step in the right direction to undo the mental damages from bad parenting or perhaps bad genetics. Someone needed to HELP him stop being so violent!



> He blames others for his actions, will not take any accountability. I am now the devil along with my W who has been the devil for years in his eyes. He hasn't spoken to me since April. He cannot accept any responsibility or accountability for his actions, which include strangling his mother (my W), beating up his father and terrifying his brother to the point where he barricaded his room with every piece of furniture he could find in order to prevent this piece of crap teenager from barging in and wreaking havoc.


Yep, that's all the consequences of inadequate parenting!



> My W and her ex made excuses for him in his younger years as he has his good points as well but he has always been disturbed.


Looks to me like he has "always" had disturbed parents/parenting!



> He has been in therapy pretty much consistently since the age of 10 and it has made no difference. He needs help. He has received, and is currently receiving, help. He has two therapists!


Therapy is not a MAGICAL CURE and many therapists are sorely unqualified to help others!



> But he isn't open to it, will not talk to anyone and wants to live in fantasyland where everything is provided to him and he doesn't have to lift a finger in effort. His grades suck, he has no goal in life. He and his brother both live with their father who enforces no discipline, is the quintessential beta male. My jerk stepson is the alpha in the household.


All of this is about BAD PARENTING! Don't the two therapists see it????



> And of course I am open to anything which may improve the situation.


The only thing that could HELP this kid is to be removed from his very inadequate parents and home and turned over to people who could socialize him in a NORMAL/HEALTHY fashion. (but NOT the military!)


----------



## NextTimeAround

GusPolinski said:


> It might give an impartial 3rd party a bit of added insight that could assist in terms of offering advice on how to repair the strained relationship w/ the children, especially the younger one.
> 
> If, for example, Dad is telling the kids, "She chose her girlfriend over us!", there may be specific ways for OP's wife to demonstrate loyalty to her children (especially the younger one) in such a way that it diffuses Dad's BS.
> 
> Bottom line? I didn't ask out of petty voyeuristic curiosity.


yeah, and I bet the the therapists(s) ask that question, too......... while the clock is ticking......


----------



## Nix2

It's been about a year, time for an update. We are back in contact with both of my W's kids. The oldest, most problematic stepkid is doing quite a bit better, no more violent outbursts, is going to an online high school, working part time, has a girlfriend and is behaving much more civilly than in the past. 

The kids are now young adults (17 and 15), which has dramatically improved the dynamics between them and their mom. The older one now drives, so when we get together, they meet us, stay for a while and then leave. They no longer spend the night with us, and the overnight visits were always when things went bad. So keeping it short,meeting in public ie; a restaurant, rather than at home, and simple has been working. My wife is sad that her babies don't spend the night every couple of weeks, but it's honestly better this way and even she can acknowledge that.

My wife calls or texts the kids weekly and we see them about once a month. Sometimes the visits include extended family (grandparents, etc) and sometimes not. The boys' girlfriends usually come with (younger kid has one too). The visits are pleasant for everyone and I know my wife feels great about having them back in our lives consistently.

The kids' dad, my wife's ex-H, is no longer a factor as we avoid him. Both kids have cell phones and that's how we reach them, and now that older one drives, Dad isn't needed to chauffeur as he was when the boys were smaller.

There's been a lot of therapy for everybody and I think the end result is that things are as good as they have ever been. The kids are discovering genuine affection for their mother as opposed to obligation and I think they feel less like objects of tug-of-war between their biological parents.

It's not like a magic wand has been waved, at the same time. My oldest stepkid is still troubled, but he's doing better and most importantly is NOT acting out against anybody. And selfishly I'm much less worried about him acting out against my wife again, because he isn't spending the night with us anymore and seems to have moved past the point where he is blaming much of his distress on his mother. 

There's a happy update!


----------



## EleGirl

I'm glad to hear that things are going much better now. For the sake of the two boys, and of course everyone else, I hope they continue to be better.

As the step mother to a very troubled young man, I will caution you to not let your guard down completely for a very long time. Give it another 2 to 3 years. Since you seen the boy only about once a month, you are not necessarily aware of all that is going on with him.

I'm not saying that to put a pale on your good update. Only to caution that it takes people a long time to prove that they have indeed changed.


----------



## turnera

Good to hear. Those 15-25 years are just the worst. But once you move beyond it, you can really build some relationships that last a lifetime.


----------



## Openminded

Yes, that is a happy update -- and a huge turn-around for everyone. 

Glad to hear it.


----------

