# Worried about my Parents



## DameEdna

My Parents have been married nearly 60 years. Mom has always been the "leader" and "worn the trousers." She's always organised everything including Dad. She reminds him when to bath or shower. She tells him what to wear. He goes to bed at 7pm to watch TV (even in the summer) alone.

Now she wants something in return. She's told him she wants to go away, but when he suggests something or tries to organise it, she refuses because it's HER that has to pack, HER that has to organise their dogs to be looked after etc. 

It's not a very nice atmosphere at their house at the moment. Dad's always quiet (he's a man of very few words anyway, because Mom's always done the talking) and Mom's bitter and angry with him. 

It's been creeping up on them for years, since Dad walked out of a company he owned (22 years ago) because he was "stressed!" They've been in financial dire straits ever since which hasn't helped.

Mom's put an ad in the paper to make new friends (preferably female, she's not interested in another man in her life any more) So she's doing something positive.

All I can do is be there for her to talk to. 

Anyone else in a similar predicament? Or know someone who is?:scratchhead:


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## Threetimesalady

Hi DameEdna: We are just heading out for lunch and shopping, but I will get back to you on this when I get back...Aging is interesting...Take care...C


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## DameEdna

Threetimesalady said:


> Hi DameEdna: We are just heading out for lunch and shopping, but I will get back to you on this when I get back...Aging is interesting...Take care...C


Look forward to hearing from you and hope you enjoyed lunch and shopping.

I agree that it's no doubt an age thing. Mom's reaching 70 and realising "this is it!" 

Interested to hear your comments. 

(or anyone elses)


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## Threetimesalady

I'm sorry it took me a while to find the right words...Maybe I don't have them yet, but I will try... 

I think your Mother had to do this deed of placing the ad in the newspaper...The walls were closing in on her....She needed to breathe..She looks at this ad as her hope for tomorrow...She sees life passing her by and she wants to live...Your Mother and I have one similarity and that being that I, too, was the one who handled all the money between the two of us...Other than this, I picked out his clothes from the start...Believe me, it has to be that way...But, he always remained the head of the family and we talked everything over...I bow to him and he bows to me...There is no division...

Your Dad caused this problem and she is paying for it...Older age is not easy and then to have the financial problems along with aging is too much for her...I don't know if you can encourage a more togetherness relationship or not.....By this I mean, going out together...Sitting and talking when they go out to eat...Just trying to find that place of old where they fell in love...

Your problem with your Mom is something that I have seen many times.....In the course of the last 10 to 15 years I have had at least 5 women come up to me asking me how we got to be the way we are...I tell them of life...Words that only I know...I try to make it simple, but from what I see in their eyes, they understand..I don't know why, but as they age so many older people get bored with each other...Like they have run out of words to say....Many will just sit and watch people go by...Like waiting for their life to be over...Sometimes I would like to shake them...Here they should be cherishing every moment they have and they are looking at what they used to be......

Sometimes I think it's this "age thing" that we fear...We get here and don't know how to handle it...I wish you well...

P.S. One more thing...Talk to her as your girlfriend...Come off of the Mother thing and look at her as a woman...An older woman, but a woman...Become her friend...Talk to her....If there is one thing that has really PMO in life, it is society looking at my age as one of the over the hill gang, when in truth I can, could and do get to the top of the hill before them...


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## Kaynaz

Talk to her and ease her out with whatever she is thinking for herself..the entire life she has dedicated to you people, her husband her children her family...now its HER time...give her ur ears and support her with what you think will bring good and peace to her...

Things will sort out with all of your support...Hope this helps 

regards
Kaynaz.


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## Larrelye

She wants to go away but when he suggests or tries to organize it himself she says no because SHE has to do everything when HE is trying to do it FOR HER. That's called passive aggressive. Women tend to do this to themselves. They take up all the responsiblity, they put it on themselves. Not just husbands, but turns out, kids can be pretty ungrateful too (unintentionally of course). It usually didn't have to be that way they just wanted it that way. Or they thought they did. And after 40 years.... yeah... it can be stressful. 

Meeting new friends and finding time for herself to relax is exactly what she needs. Be there for her. Maybe YOU could plan something nice for the 2 of them.


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