# Suddenly I Can't Orgasm :(



## dillydilly (Jul 18, 2010)

Hi Everyone

I really need some help here! I'm 43 and have been married for 17 years, the last 10 of which we have had virtually no physical contact whatsoever (he has problems - lots of counselling, therapy, viagra etc but nothing has worked). Sex for us has been mutual masturbation - no penetration for years.

My problem is this. I have now met a lovely guy in a similar position to mine and we have had sex once, but for some reason I just could not orgasm, even though I was wildly turned on.

The following day I masturbated, convincing myself it was all the years of pent-up frustration but instead of it taking a few minutes as it normally does, it took ages - it's as if my clitoris is numb.

I am seeing him again this week and I really want to reach orgasm - for my sake as well as his.

Help!


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## livingla (Feb 10, 2010)

Um ... are you still married?


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

Wow umm..what situation is the same for him? He's having an affair too or his partner can't get aroused?

if this is something discussed and open between BOTH your husband AND the other guys wife then I would suggest some counselling for you because you may have a mental block from the lack of sexual penetration BuT..if this is something on the hush, hush side of things then you should really be ashamed. I'm sure your husband feels de-masculated enough already with not being able to perform and please his wife, but then knowing that you've "had enough" and gone to fill it somewhere else will destroy what little he has left in confidence. If it's such a problem now then do yourselves a favor and get divorced. You put up with it for 10 years already, knowing how things were going to be with only hopes of something else. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this for so long, but you did choose to stay and deal with it.
If this is a secret then I'm sure it will blow up and get messy....it usually does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## laredo (Jan 23, 2010)

Let her alone, if her husband wont or cant do it, she has every right to find some good sex.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

laredo said:


> Let her alone, if her husband wont or cant do it, she has every right to find some good sex.



LOL!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Unfortunately, for some men ED can be a problem as much as that sucks for you. I am sure it is a bitter pill to swallow at a young age for you. It sounds like sex it is very important to the both of you evidenced by the steps you have taken to remedy the situation. 

I had hear about some surgical procedures that can provide the ablity to make intercourse work in situations like your husbands. My guess it that they may not be perfect or acceptable. I am sure that there nothing will be as good as way sex was when your H was able to perform. Again, i am sure this is frustrating for you and demasculating for him. I can't imagine the humiliation that a man feels in counseling or to his wife to actually admit that he cannot perform the one act that totally defines his manhood. Mutual masturbation sounds like a reasonable work around but, may not give you the same orgasm that a real [email protected]#k will give you to be blunt. One of the reasons for this is that is that when you orgasm your vagina contracts via your kegal muscles and having something in you gives you something to "grab" and provides a more satisfying orgasm. This is why most women enjoy receiving oral but, need intercourse to "finish" and feel fully satisfied. Granted the feeling of closeness from actual intercourse may have some other psychological/emotional things going on that enhances the experience. If you trully love your husband and want your marriage to work perhaps you can augment your current sex with toys. They have ones that are very lifelike and can give you the same feel as the real thing. If you have a hang up about these things you may want to see if you can get over it. What goes around comes around. 

I think Sex is extremely important in a relationship. I would hope that if my wife somhow for watever reason became unable to meet some of my needs (sex being one of them) that I would somehow find the strength to stay with or try to find a solution that will work. Heaven forbid my wife became infirmed, pschotic or debiliated because of illness. I have heard about spouses that make monumental sacrifices for their partners in the case of the other's illness. I pray that I would have the strength to stay by her side and care for her even though as that is the vow i took in front of God and a couple hundred witnesses. 
I hope that nothing in my life makes me contemplate compromizing my vows. 

So am i too understand that now that his willy won't work you are going to "get some" elswere else. If this is the case perhaps it as others have said guilt that is holding you back. 
I am not sure if your husband has been a rotten one and you feel does not deserve the kind of commitment that a marriage should involve.

Many people stand by there partners through worse than what you are describing. To those of you that cheer on this kind of behavior, i hope you never get sick and require sacrifice from your spouse.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Your outside the bedroom intimacy level with the guy isn't high enough yet. Some women don't need this to enjoy sex but most do
especially after being in a long term sexless marriage.

The reason you couldn't cum while masturbating is you are thinking too much...there is too much going on and this is causing anxiety which itself could be unconscious but is still effecting you physically. This happens to men quite a lot.

I expect when the interpersonal intimacy levels go up the sex will be better and so will the self pleasuring.


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## Dave321 (Aug 4, 2010)

If you are still married?If yes?Then you have done what other men and women have been doing to each other for 1000yrs and you would hope that this would stop.If you know yourself good then talk to your husband about this.It is to easy to drop trail and go.Stand up for yourself,do it right the sex will be better.And to laredo-omg-lol..And Josh1081 said it.But to what you asked about then MR B is right about this.The dynamia of a physical,emotionally,mental,relationship, all these thing go in to dropping close off our back,people just don't or won't think it out .People want to justified thing to make it right for them.You have nothing to lose by doing it right.Please treat yourself good.


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