# Cloak and Dagger update....



## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Hey Guys I got a big question...

I felt so bad for my H yesterday, he is so reluctant to talk about how he feels, I may have made a mistake....

I said ---"Maybe you would feel better getting some things off your chest, get another perspective on how you have been feeling"

I told him about the site. He posted. Did I break some kind of rule? Did I just take away my one safe haven?


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

I guess I shouldn't second guess myself. This place has helped me so much to get a clear head about my situation. And I want honest, frank discussion with him to move out of limbo and toward R or D.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

It will change what you post at least a little. I told my wife about this site a few months after I joined. She joined and post every now and then. Mainly she used TAM to get inside my head. 

I haven't really changed what I post since she joined but I'm more careful of my words. I'm just more careful to make sure I mean exactly what I say - as much as I can - I still manage to put my foot in my keyboard every now and then. 

Today it bothers her a little to read when I describe what I went through or how intense my EA was but she knows I'm just trying to make a point to help someone so she doesn't mind, but it's probably why she's not on here much now.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> It will change what you post at least a little. I told my wife about this site a few months after I joined. She joined and post every now and then. Mainly she used TAM to get inside my head.
> 
> I haven't really changed what I post since she joined but I'm more careful of my words. I'm just more careful to make sure I mean exactly what I say - as much as I can - I still manage to put my foot in my keyboard every now and then.
> 
> Today it bothers her a little to read when I describe what I went through or how intense my EA was but she knows I'm just trying to make a point to help someone so she doesn't mind, but it's probably why she's not on here much now.


I wonder how much this happens? I know I feel better since coming here. Trying to talk to your SO when you are having problems is nearly impossible if they don't want to.

But the thing is, once I suggested it, he had all kinds of things to say! I remember you said you wish you could talk to him once-----now that may actually happen!

Thanks for everything. You really helped me. Which is why when he was done, I said, "My last request is if you are on the forum, help another person, give an honest opinion to another problem, it may be the one reply that changes everything."

That was my experience ---though not in any way I would have expected.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

I also wonder how many SO's read their partners threads. Especially with transparency. I suppose it would be wrong to hide it.

Also, don't members link up the stories? I would think it would be easy to figure out. When your wife posted, did she say "Hey this is Sigma's wife" Or was she anonymous?


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

rock said:


> My wife knows about T.A.M. but still doesn't read the forums. I kind of wish she would so I could get a better read on some of the things she feels.


Wow, I sure agree. He said he felt better just getting stuff out. I hope he is able to gain perspective, and find support. He really needs someone to talk to, he is the silent type. Well, at least with me.


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## Struggling4ever (Jan 9, 2012)

I told my wife about TAM and some of the comments towards her were brutal. I ended up deleting my 2 original threads because of this. Now I know I shouldn't have, but I am not out to crush her self-esteem...I am here for me. I would agree, it does make me second guess to a point as far as what I want to share... I'm not sure if she comes on now, I don't think so, but again I really can't worry about it because this is for me! If I had a do over, I would have told her about the forum, just not my name....


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Struggling4ever said:


> I told my wife about TAM and some of the comments towards her were brutal. I ended up deleting my 2 original threads because of this. Now I know I shouldn't have, but I am not out to crush her self-esteem...I am here for me. I would agree, it does make me second guess to a point as far as what I want to share... I'm not sure if she comes on now, I don't think so, but again I really can't worry about it because this is for me! If I had a do over, I would have told her about the forum, just not my name....



Yeah I was thinking of deleting also, but I think it would be wrong. I feel like I need honesty and that's what I give. I think I have said everything to him I have said here to others.

Of course, my H hasn't read my thread, so its easy for me to say now LOLZ


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## Struggling4ever (Jan 9, 2012)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> Yeah I was thinking of deleting also, but I think it would be wrong. I feel like I need honesty and that's what I give. I think I have said everything to him I have said here to others.
> 
> Of course, my H hasn't read my thread, so its easy for me to say now LOLZ


Like I said...I shouldn't have deleted...it is what it is! Good luck.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Struggling4ever said:


> Like I said...I shouldn't have deleted...it is what it is! Good luck.


Point taken. Good luck back to you as well.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

rock said:


> I actually spoke about your other thread with her Lost. I mentioned the way your husband shuts down and quits talking reminds me of her sometimes. I can't imagine having a wife who comes in the house thinking of a problem and is waiting to talk, goes to the bathroom, gets a drink, then walks in the living room and says what is on her mind (I believe your thread had a moment like this). That is what I do, always wanting to talk and communicate, always hoping she speaks up first to show me it is on her mind too. Never happens.
> 
> 
> Sounds dumb but I assumed that was a "female" thing.
> ...


Well, I've had my share of times I just shut down, but by then, the relationship is in serious trouble. You may be the same way.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> I also wonder how many SO's read their partners threads. Especially with transparency. I suppose it would be wrong to hide it.
> 
> Also, don't members link up the stories? I would think it would be easy to figure out. When your wife posted, did she say "Hey this is Sigma's wife" Or was she anonymous?


I told her my screen name and she told me her's so we knew who each other were as soon as she joined. We've kept it fairly anonymous but not really for any particular reason. We've both spoken with a couple of people via PM who we told and wanted both sides - kind of a neat experience. If anyone wants to know I'd PM the my wife's screen name but for some reason I'd avoid putting it in a general post - not sure why. 

I will say I have never deleted anything after I've posted it - except for one post that I decided was not helpful to the OP. Everything I've ever written here she's read including my PM's - gotta have transparency!! In reality maintaining transparency was a large part of why I told her about TAM to begin with. I didn't feel right her not knowing I was here.

Oh - glad I was able to contribute. I hope it works out for you and your H in the way you both want.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> I told her my screen name and she told me her's so we knew who each other were as soon as she joined. We've kept it fairly anonymous but not really for any particular reason. We've both spoken with a couple of people via PM who we told and wanted both sides - kind of a neat experience. If anyone wants to know I'd PM the my wife's screen name but for some reason I'd avoid putting it in a general post - not sure why.
> 
> I will say I have never deleted anything after I've posted it - except for one post that I decided was not helpful to the OP. Everything I've ever written here she's read including my PM's - gotta have transparency!! In reality maintaining transparency was a large part of why I told her about TAM to begin with. I didn't feel right her not knowing I was here.
> 
> Oh - glad I was able to contribute. I hope it works out for you and your H in the way you both want.


Wow, that is something that sounds unique. I wonder if that would be helpful for us...


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