# Living with a difficult wife who has no patience and thinks like a man.



## larky (Nov 27, 2009)

No she is not bi or gay. She is mormon just like me but our marriage has had some really difficult issues in our 13 years together. For one, She has qualities that are a bit of a turn off. Her paitence is near zero at times and loyalty to my taste or interest can be a real turn off. 

Example was walking in the mall, I stopped to look at something in the window she would not stop walking and continue to walk off without me. I would always have to catch up. This was the way it has always been even if I have to stop and tie my shoelaces.

She had zero patience at times. She woud not wait to get something done. She also took on way to many responsibilities being a co-op secretary, which on its own is stressfull. A co-op apartment secretary is like being a assistant to the apartment president. She also had church callings, her full time work. It left little time for "US" doing things together. 

She always critisized me for things not done, or not done perfectly around the house. Case point, if the dishwasher was not perfectly stacked, she would unstack it critisizing me how it was stacked.

Always needed permission to use things around the house!

There are many things I could not use around the house without needing her permission to use it. It could be the Blender, "Her pans". the story goes on. 

She made comments like saying the dogs name, then saying, "Do you want to sleap where my husband sleaps in the bed and he sleep on the floor?" she said this with no prior rights. The same comment about me sitting in the back of the seat in the car, with dog sitting in front of the seat. She NEVER let me drive HER car during our married when we were together but, there were times when she would allow me to use it. 


She never revealed her debts entirly. She would HIDE her credit card statments and say "this is what you owe me for bill payments" at the end of the month. She had a real credit card addiction issue. About two months ago, I pulled open the bill and it had $13,000 on it and had several Shopping channel charges on it. This is one of several outstanding credit card statments and she makes $45,000 a year.
Every time I handed her a check, she would go out and buy something and some times, hide it! 

She is a different person in public "moly mormon?" She does send christmas and birthday cards to people! 

Do not have time to figure out how to make my diary pubic, but going though depression divorse symptoms right now. Really wanted a NICE wife and hopefully, it will happen.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

That doesn't sound "male frame of mind" in a woman to me. Sounds like a hoarder and retail therapy gone wild thing. Anyone regardless of gender can be both. Hell, I'm a tom boy (yeah I'm Bi but that relates not at all to being a tom boy or male like quality in a woman. I married a man for crying out loud).

I can't figure out if you are divorced from her (it seems you've insinuated at least separation?) or are still with her and married.

In my eyes, financial abuse of the married coffers is a deal breaker for me personally. Perhaps it is time to seek legal counsel and know what your rights are.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

So men are difficult, selfish, asses? 

Has she always been this way? Did she flip a switch when you got married? How long were you together before you got married? Have you discussed any of this with her? 

Why do you run to catch up with her, just let her go. Who asks for permission in their own home. If you want to use something do it. Does she physically stop you? Are you afraid of confrontation and just let her run everything? 

Need a little more info


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

No, men are not difficult, selfish asses. People can be difficult, selfish asses. It is a people problem, not a gender problem.


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## larky (Nov 27, 2009)

She told me several times that she thinks like a man. Never heard that from a woman who is strait. Anyway, she comes from a strict controling familly. She told me of this story called the "HER LAST NAME Curse". That non of the girls were getting dates or getting married because the dad was like a sargent and had a really bad temper. Mom is paranoid and always prevented the kids from cooking, not allowing them to use the washer or dryer because she said "they would break it" The husband and wife always bickered and got in verbal fights. He is really aged now and could swear the wifes constant paranoid comments caused him to age more quickly. He does have medical issues. 

More then once she has said SHE HATES it when she is not in control or HATES it when she is ambarassed. This goes back to childhood when she was in front of Santa on her knees with the most pissed off look on her face. meanwhile, older teen sister had the biggest smile on her face "she liked her photo taken" sitting on santas lap and youngest 2 year old on the other lap. The oldest sister in the photo turned out to be a normal moral richous woman who has four kids and is always chearfull wonderfull woman. she is also asopted and does not have these mental issues like the rest of the familly.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I stick to my original sentiments, time to consult legal counsel.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Sounds like she has a dominant personality, while yours is submissive to me. Do not see much in the way of gender here. You are a beta male. D not take offense to that, as I am too. However it can lead to problems as you and I are both encountering. Do you want to fix your marriage or term at it?


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I guess you can call her demeanor many things, narccistic, self-centered, or as you guys point out, aggressive and the zero patience just lights the fuse all the time. 
I found myself walking behind my wife like a china women of old all the time, because I walk slow from a bad limb, she would never walk with me.
My ex had hypertension, a stressful job with many nasty clients that fueled her aggressive behavior.
To give you some examples-
A lady once cut in front us in the check-out line and she loudly denounced her as a fing bitxx ,twice when I was with her she got caught speeding then she would overhaul the cops .
I was wishing the state troopers would have just thrown her in jail for being disorderly maybe it would have taught her a lesson.
It was pure madness trying to deal with her. 
I don't like fighting but I would find myself boil over about every couple of months and lash out at her because I couldn't take her behavior anymore.
I dealt with her for 16 years -far too long.
I found out after being divorced that peace is worth a lot !!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

It doesn't sound like a very mainstream Mormon upbringing for a girl.

You need to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. Also go visit the support forums over at No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group - Powered by vBulletin . 

The book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" is another great book you should read. It is far more than the title suggests.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

larky said:


> Really wanted a NICE wife and hopefully, it will happen.


I hope so too, Larky. I am afraid, however, you'll run right into the arms of another woman who is just like the one you left. This is why, a month ago, I suggested you protect yourself by learning how to spot the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). See my post in your thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...fe-set-date-leave-not-ready.html#post10211818.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

larky said:


> No she is not bi or gay. She is mormon just like me but our marriage has had some really difficult issues in our 13 years together. For one, She has qualities that are a bit of a turn off. Her paitence is near zero at times and loyalty to my taste or interest can be a real turn off.
> 
> Example was walking in the mall, I stopped to look at something in the window she would not stop walking and continue to walk off without me. I would always have to catch up. This was the way it has always been even if I have to stop and tie my shoelaces.
> 
> ...


 I read this twice and I have to say this. Your fault, your fault, your fault.

Look. You got a mouth. Open it. There is no excuse for ignorance and bad manners from an adult and she has both and for some reason, you sit there with your thumb up tour ass and do nothing. If you want to be treated like her slave and whipping boy then you doing a hell of a good job but if your tired of it then your the only one that can do anything about it.

The next time you grab the blender and she opens her mouth, then tell her to shove it up her ass and let her know that as long as it's in this house then it's community property along with everything else and if she doesn't like it then tell her to pack her crap up and make someone else's life miserable.

Then the next time she hands you her credit card statement, look at it hand it back to her and tell her to go get a better job that pays or cancel the damn thing and let her know that your not her sugar daddy.

Above all, stop acting like a candy ass and stand up for yourself.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are both of you? Is your wife always been this way, coarse, tough, and domineering? You say that you are both Mormon. You might seek marriage counseling in the Mormon church. This might help both of you in your present situation. Personally, I prefer a considerate and caring spouse who will make my life nice as you put it.


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## 20yrsofmarriage (Sep 29, 2014)

You're allowing her to talk to you this way. I've had an epiphany myself recently, and the buck stops here. No more. You need to stand up for yourself. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. The only exception would be the mentally ill.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

my god
go on line, find some balls on ebay...and put a stop to this shat
She sounds like a frickin NIGHTMARE

what can you possibly get out of this relationship???
I cant even imagine sex with someone like that...she is a control freak...you HAD to have seen this before marriage so you sorta made your bed...lie in it or change the sheets


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