# Silly Mistake - Need advice.



## BROOKEB (Aug 1, 2012)

Hi i am quite young only 19 but my partner and i have been together since i was in the final year of year ten or in other words 4 years now. 

We have alot of love for each other but there have been issues over the years as with most relationships.

My issue at the moment is this. About 4 weeks ago his good mate who i met at the same time/party as him and who i became good mates with messaged me on facebook.

All was good until he put like 3 "xxx's" back on his message and trying to be friendly (but probably stupidly) i put the xxx's on my messages back to him.

I didn't see it as anything more then harmless fun and just recipricating his message ending.

My boyfriend has since found these messages and is having a very difficult time accepting what happened.

I have apologised, cried my eyes out and done everything to reassure him but i feel it isn't enough. He is still very distant.

And i can hardly blame him because i'm not pretending what i did was right but then again it's not like i slept with his mate or it ever went further than a few flirty messages. 

Still I can appreciate his hurt. 

I would really like some advice from people who have been in any similar sitautions as to what I can do to fix my relationship.

My boyfriend means the world to me and i love him dearly but there were times he did things quite similar including joining an adult dating site and messaging another girl telling her hes cheated on me which he then said was a ploy to see my reaction... which im not sure i even now fully believe but i loved him so i believed him and chose to stay with him anyway. 

I'm very confused about what to do, his moods are shooting from nice to nasty and it's now taking it's toll very badly emotionally on me. 

Any advice appreciated! Thanks!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he told her that he has cheated on you, he has cheated on you. How would him telling her that be a ploy? Did he expect you to find this messages to her?

He's acting this way because he know about the cheating he's done on you. And now he imagines that you have done the same thing with him.


Signing a message, email xxx is no big deal. I sign almost every personal email that way or with .. "I love you" to my family and close friends.


If there is more than the xxx then he might have a reason to be upset. But his reaction is way over board.

He is clearly not ready for a committed relationship. The divorce rate is very high for women who marry before the age of 26 and men who marry before the age of 31. The major reason for this is that people are just not mature enough at that age to stay together for life in a social environment that is as open as ours is… where divorce is so easy to get. 

A person’s brain does not finish developing until about age 26. 

He’s cheating on you, chasing women online and then mistreating you for signing a message xxx. Please do not continue to allow yourself to be treated this way.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

I did something very similar to you. Put kisses on the end of a message on facebook. Much the same reaction from my partner at the time. I saw it as fairly harmless but I kinda knew I shouldn't have done it. It hurt her a lot, she started crying and saying I was cheating ( I failed that relationship completely because of a separate incident)

So what I'm saying is that your boyfriends reaction isn't out of the ordinary or anything and it dosnt mean that he has a guilty conscience. The online dating thing is a huge warning sign though, maybe not of anything physical but he clearly feels the need for attention of other women which is very dangerous. Does he have low self esteem?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I would have written a longer reply but Elegirl has said it all for me so no need now. However, I will add thoughts and confirm...

He is cheating/has cheated. (read up on 'some of the stupidest things Waywards say', there are threads on here, or just Google it. What he said to you is classic. And there is no doubt at all that he cheated, his reply confirms it)

I put on pretty much every text I send Xxx. He is projecting. Going way over the top. The reasons for this is nothing to do with you or anything you have done. It is all to do with him and what he has done, and he is projecting.

He sounds like a manipulator. Read up on ways that people manipulate. Having experienced 2, one after the other, I am now skilled at spotting it. But I am now 38. It is a cruel thing to be manipulated, and they don't care how they do it. They do their best to make all problems land at your door, all in your head. Make you think you are going crazy, are crazy. Literally. Watch out!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

You're too young. Move on.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

The guy is quite probably a cheater. But that xxx thing... If it was only that i'd say he his projecting and being over the top. But then:



> not like i slept with his mate or it ever went further than a few flirty messages.


So, there is a bit more to this than a simple message termination isn't it?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You are being manipulated by this guy. He already cheated on you and he is scared because he is projecting his cheating on you. But you won't listen to this advice, I'm pretty sure. Ask some of your close friends or family for advice


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