# ask girlfriend to marry me



## 2under1roof (Aug 15, 2014)

Gentlemen,
In 2010 I asked my then girlfriend for her hand in marriage. She immediately said yes but she never made any preparations for the wedding. I always thought this was weird. She never found a dress, a venue and so forth. To my surprise she told me that she waited to marry me until 2015 because she was unsure if she wanted to marry me or not. Five years is a long time to be unsure. She thinks this behavior is normal. I told her you should've just said no when I asked and she said a lot of women do this. I beg to differ. Please is this normal behavior?


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

2under1roof said:


> Gentlemen,
> but she never made any preparations for the wedding.


Did _you_ make any preparations for the wedding?


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## 2under1roof (Aug 15, 2014)

I did but it was at the City Hall. She did nothing


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

So you organised the wedding in 2015? And she showed up. Enthusiastically?

How has the relationship been since?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

IDK what other women do, but after I accepted my husband's proposal, we decided on a wedding date before the week's end. Once he proposed, we wanted to get married right away, but forced ourselves to put the date out 8 months, to right before the next year of University started.

I think that an engagement shouldn't be for more than a year. If two people have committed to getting married, why wait a long time? 

The stories I've heard of couples who had long engagements are because one of them didn't really want to get married, but they didn't want to lose their boyfriend or girlfriend by saying "no" to a marriage proposal.


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## 2under1roof (Aug 15, 2014)

its been rocky at best


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You are just bringing this up now?


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

I think your real question is: "Does my wife love me?".

To the question you did ask; No, I don't think this is normal. Many couples would enthusiastically arrange a wedding together within a few years.

I'm not sure questioning your wife on her motives and feelings of 7 years ago will get you far. May be better to concentrate on the here and now.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If she's not sure after 5+ years, I think the answer to you reverts to a "No" by default.

Maybe she doesn't want to be married at all. Maybe she just wants to be with you. So, do you live and act like a married couple?

If the relationship has problems, I'd recommend not prolonging your unhappiness, or life will pass you by.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I would never say yes to a wedding proposal unless I meant it.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

2under1roof said:


> its been rocky at best


Why? And how has it been rocky?

Would counselling help?


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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

I could see how that would look weird but honestly I think when she said yes, she probably knew it was you that she was gonna marry and just secure the deal, it's just that shes not sure when. I know this may be a ridiculous comparison, but it's kind of like how after heavy lunch, you stop by a specialty market 50 miles away from your home. if someone asked you right then if they should by some frozen pizza for later to eat, you would say yes. You may not have a specific time frame as to when you are want to gonna eat it, but you know eventually you will eat it. deciding to get married is nowhere near as simple as deciding whether you want pizza later or not, but I feel like it's a similar train of thought. you know you are gonna want something later eventually and don't want to pass up on the opportunity so you just decide now and go for it later. I think its crazy to assume that she had alternate motive then or say she reluctantly said yes.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I've never known a woman to want a 5 year engagement...most women are so excited when they get engaged.

I was BEYOND excited! I couldn't wait, lol.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Did you at least get 4 extra years of BJ's out of the deal?


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Sounds like she was honest and was not sure whether or not to marry you. She married you after all, are you happy with that?
Most women wait their whole lives to be proposed to and immediately begin planning out the wedding they have thought about their entire lives and it is usually the man who starts feeling like things are going too quick. Usually.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

In my Stuck Up opinion, 3 months is the ideal engagement length. Just barely enough time to get things together. Generally it id the mother of the bride who objects to that schedule.

In the case of my own experience that did not work out so well. Mother of the bride didn't care as long as she wasn't expected to show up. I had a commitment overseas. so the total length of engagement was about 31 months. With a 4 month re-engagement at the end. The circumstances were so unusual that I really can't recommend it to any normal person. LTRs are notoriously unstable.

The concept of a 5+ year engagement only fits with the current pattern of engagement after 3 years living together and one child born.


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