# moral dilemma



## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

I moved out almost two weeks ago. I work at a new car dealer and I have access to pretty much every tool needed to work on a car. For years I haven't had to pay to get things checked out because I'm capable of doing it myself. After I was told from my wife that the only conversation that we should be having is only about our daughter. I agreed. The next day she said that a warning light had come on and wondered if she should take it in to get looked at. I ignored that because I had agreed to only talk about our daughter. Took my daughter home tonight and she asked again. She knows how easy it is for me. My dilemma is this: after being told how much she hates me and never loved me and how terribly she has treated me in the last few months, what obligation do I really have to do this? I think this is a perfect example of a reality check. Do I deliver that reality check by saying that I don't feel like you deserve any help from me? Advice and points of view are always welcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wow. This is a tough one. If you didn't have kids, I'd say let her take care of herself. But if she's driving your daughter around, I guess I'd want to be sure the car is safe. If you ever get a chance to use the car on your own, I guess you could try to figure out if it's something serious without telling her, and if it's not, just let her get it fixed. That way you'll have peace of mind about your daughter's safety (not saying you don't care about xw's, but you know what I mean).


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Tell her she should take it to a dealership to be checked out.

Not your problem anymore.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dazed/confused said:


> Do I deliver that reality check by saying that I don't feel like you deserve any help from me?


If you choose to not fix it do not tell her the above. It will only make you look like a jerk.

In a very pleasant manner, just tell her that you are too busy and do not have the time to fix her car. suggest that she take it to the dealer.


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

thanks for the advice everybody. Would I be out of line to mention what big ###ls she has to ask me such a question after all of the bad things that she says about me? I want her to think about what that means to me when she says those things and then suddenly it's like it never happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

As they say do not give her the satisfaction. Ignore her requests for favors from you. Once you cross that boundary you are in trouble. Doing so is trying to meet her needs. Don't go down that road. Don't bother trying to make a point either.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think your duty is to insure the safety of your child. You can use your own judgement but when I first read this I immediately thought about the child driving with her mother in the car.

The child comes first in my view and anything having to do with her safety an well-being should be done regardless of what benifits will accrue to your mean wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

There is no safety issue in a case like this. It's an emissions warning light. I suppose that the worry here is that she will get wise to the fact that I will do it for the peace of mind for my daughter and abuse it. Know what I mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

dazed/confused said:


> There is no safety issue in a case like this. It's an emissions warning light. I suppose that the worry here is that she will get wise to the fact that I will do it for the peace of mind for my daughter and abuse it. Know what I mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


if its not a safety issue leave it for her.

anything that does not have to do with your childs safety or well being should be handled by herself.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Since it's not a safety issue for your daughter, I wouldn't answer her either.

However, if she goes somewhere else to have it addressed, are you going to have to pay for it? Is the car in your wife's name?


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

If she mentions if to you again say something like " Oh yeah I remember you said something about it before. You should probably take somewhere to get it checked out. I hear _____ is a great body shop maybe try them . If you say this pleasant enough it will piss her off and make you the better man for not saying something less than positive lol. My dads a mechanic and a body man, has been for almost 50 years now. He's said many versions of the line I gave you above . Said in the right way it will convey a nice DON'T ask me message. Of course my dad's got it down pat now, as anyone who is mechanically inclined can get bombarded with requests for help entirely to often.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

dazed/confused said:


> There is no safety issue in a case like this. It's an emissions warning light. I suppose that the worry here is that she will get wise to the fact that I will do it for the peace of mind for my daughter and abuse it. Know what I mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think kids should come first. That is something that people often forget when they are trying to punish their partner for trangessions. 

The children are yours and you have an obligation to care for them over considerations of teaching your wife a lesson. I think you take every request of hers and look at the effect on your children and honor your responsibility only when it involves them.

Are you going to abdicate your responsibility over something that has not happened yet? I think you should put them first. If you feel your wife is taking advantage of you be selective about what you will do. 

If she is not using child support towards the kids and asking for extras, let her know you will be glad to take care of your kids but you will deduct the amount form child support. 

Keep careful records in case she takes you to court. If you put your kids first, you will come up with solutions that keep them there. If you think of getting back at your wife, your kids may suffer.

Your kids will be better off emotionally and feel loved and the negative impact of the divorce will be less, I think.


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