# Learning our Temperments & that of our Spouses to better understand them..



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I once did a thread on " Love Languages ", which I think is paramount in understanding what our spouses NEED from us and acting on it to make them feel loved. 

Now I thought I would do one on our TEMPERMENTS / inborn Personalities. I can pretty much guess what people are shortly after I meet them, just by observing how they interact with others -helps me gauge what I might be able to expect from them or not to expect also, given their strengths & weaknesses. 

There are 2 different kinds of tests .....

* "Sanguine" - "Choleric" - "Melancholy" - "Phlegmatic" Tests * 

Personality Score Sheet  (this one needs printed - a page for the Strength's & a page for the Weaknesses of each -then adding the scoring at the end) 

***** Or here : the same thing -without printing it but figuring online Personality Test 









*********************************** 


And a couple tests here for the *16 Temperment /Personality Types*, getting more specific & deeper into what motivates us , moves us & how we view our world & treat others around us . 

*1.* Jung Typology Test  (relatively short & thorough -gives you a breakdown at the end)

*2.* Gray Wheelwright Winer (GWW) Test - Winer Foundation (more serious test)

or 

*3.* ******* | Take The Brutally Honest Personality Test (test with some HUMOR at the end -you should enjoy this one. :rofl: -- but still very accuarte as when me & husband took both, we got the same results. Skip joining the site at the end -after all it is a dating site & we're married here. Great site for FUN & Crazy tests with halarious results though. 











Once you get your results from THIS last test, here are some links to give you a quick description of what you are and all other types. 

Myers Briggs Personality Types | Personality Pathways

 THE KEIRSEY TEMPERAMENT SORTER

The Sixteen Personality Types - High-Level


Reading & learning all of this has helped me BETTER understand my VERY different husband- and try to have patience where I simply do NOT think like him at all. And him having patience with me. 

For instance I am a (primary) Choloric (secondary) Melancholy and he is a Phlegmatic / Melancholy. My husband has virtually zero Choloric in him and I virtually zero Phlegmatic (talk about opposites) - but in the Melancholy, we are in sinc, on the same page. 

Years ago, I struggled with many of the Choleric weaknesses and a few nagging of the Melancholy. The goal in learning our inborn temperments is to understand where our natural Gifts are but also to understand our pathetic weaknesses that hinder our relationships with others, so we can KNOW what they are & work to overcome them. I have overcome pretty near all of my melancholy weaknesses , so much so that when people meet me they might think I am a Sanguine, But I am not, in fact I score very low on that temperment, and many times Sanguines annoy me. I still struggle with some of my Choloric weaknesses though. 

On the other test, I am split between an ESTJ Profile & a  ESFJ Profile and he is a ISFJ Profile I am Extroverted & He is Introverted, the others we are virtually in sinc other than I THINK more whereas he FEELS more. 

So where are YOU & your spouse?? And how does it play out?

I hope you will take the time to take some tests & report back!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Your Gray-Wheelwright-Winer Type Indicator test 4 letter type is:

ISTJ
Use the following table to understand your raw scores on the Gray-Wheelwright-Winer Type Indicator Test

E/I score	S/N score	T/F score	J/P score
E = 4	S = 12	T = 12	J = 13
I = 6	N = 8	F = 8	P = 7


SA, I did one of the tests, that's the result I got! 

I didn't understand some of the questions very well, so I just picked my answers according to my interpretation, the result might be wrong!

I checked Chinese information about ISTJ, it suits me very well!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband is very patient, I used to be impatient, learned a lot from him. 

He is a thinker, always plans everything carefully, Before he came to Taiwan, he spent a year finding out all the details he needed to be aware of. When he buys something, he does a lot of research before he buys them. I used to be on the contrary, I just flow with the river. Also learned a lot from him. 

He doesn't like to draw attention to himself, when he is in a big group, he is a listener and observer. He prefers one on one conversation, he likes deep discussion, he doesn't like to talk about daily mundane things.

He treats people very respectfully, he seldom shows his emotion in front of people, if he doesn't like one person, that person can't tell, he keeps quiet. 

All his bosses like him, my family and his family like him, neighbors like him, friends like him. Only witnesses don't like him because he is not doing what they think he should do. We are away from them now, my husband decided that those people are not good for me to be around. 

Only one thing he was not good at was finance, he was a spender, not a saver, I changed him that. I am a saver, he really appreciates me for that.

Both of us are responsible people, so we don't have many problems with work. 

We both like to be on time, that shows respect to other people. 

We both like simple life. We don't have conflicts about the way we choose to live. 

We are both givers to our families, we usually give, seldom take. 

We are both givers to each other, so neither of us feel that we are being taken for granted by the other one. 

Both of us are doers, no complainers, we don't feel that we are entitled to anything, we know that we have to work hard for what we want.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> Your Gray-Wheelwright-Winer Type Indicator test 4 letter type is:
> 
> ISTJ




See, now it all makes sense, now I know why we think so much alike, as I am basically the same as you but Extroverted. I am split between Thinking and Feeling though. 

From all you say, your husband sounds so very much like mine, so many of the traits you give -point to being a Melancholy who has worked on his weaknesses very well & shines in his strenghts (the Deepness, the reseaching- that is detail, the giving nature) and also a phlegmatic (his patience, not showing too much emotion, not causing conflict) 

I really hope you will have your husand do a test or 2, I bet I am right on the money! 

Well Greenpearl thank you very much for your post & reporting back - you are the only one !!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

They run those at work all the time. I've never thought much about them because they measure how you 'play with others' more than anything else. I know how I play with others. And if they think I'm kind of difficult at work? Good. That's the job.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

INTJ
Use the following table to understand your raw scores on the Gray-Wheelwright-Winer Type Indicator Test

E/I score	S/N score	T/F score	J/P score
E = 3	S = 9	T = 14	J = 12
I = 7	N = 11	F = 6	P = 8


My husband just did the test, he is INTJ!

We both read the information about us, quite correct!  My husband is impressed!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> They run those at work all the time. I've never thought much about them because they measure how you 'play with others' more than anything else. I know how I play with others. And if they think I'm kind of difficult at work? Good. That's the job.


You are likely a Choleric if you are difficult & give them a hard time, they do make the BEST leaders -if they keep their weaknesss of running over everyone like a Mach Truck out of the equation, and treat others with respect- when it is deserved, of coarse. 

Why would they run personality tests "all the time" at work? Never heard of anything like that. Makes me wonder what your profession is. 

I find such tests very helpful to know when you are married, even more so if you are having personality issues with each other. 

I have been trying to get my husband more "aggressive" , more assertive, a little more "in your face" for some time now, after reading endless posts & threads on this forum making me question if he is a weak man -just by the way others speak on such issues of men always being so Dominant by nature.

Then I caught a thread AFEH did a while ago on this - I learned what my husband was & when we read the description back, OH my, it was like the Sky opened to me, He has always lived WHAT HE IS , and I had no busines trying to change him. Shame shame shame on me! 

So I guess for me, it helped ME see my husband was not hiding, not a weak man, nothing like this,* he was just being HIM*, and to quit worrying about what others say ALL men should be like. He fit the ISFJ profile to a "T", and he is a wonderful wonderful man. 

I also learned from this site Myers Briggs 16 Personality Types Profiles | MBTI Type Descriptions | PersonalityDesk that more women are ISFJ's at 19% (Mother Teresa being the Poster lady!) while only 8% of men are. So my husband is a rarity, I kinda already knew that!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am one of those quote unquote civilian contractors but not in the way you think. I do performance and organizational reviews, root cause analysis, failure analysis, debriefing, training program design, and contract compliance for Federal agencies, particularly those attached to the DoD and the intelligence communities, also the DoE and private companies contracted to do that work. Basically I'm a glorified systems analyst who's paid to poke holes in other peoples plans, find fault with their proposals, figure out what they did wrong and why, and propose ways to demonstrate how what you just told me you're so proud of is a piece of **** and will probably get the wrong people killed.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I am one of those quote unquote civilian contractors but not in the way you think. I do performance and organizational reviews, root cause analysis, failure analysis, debriefing, training program design, and contract compliance for Federal agencies, particularly those attached to the DoD and the intelligence communities, also the DoE and private companies contracted to do that work. Basically I'm a glorified systems analyst who's paid to poke holes in other peoples plans, find fault with their proposals, figure out what they did wrong and why, and propose ways to demonstrate how what you just told me you're so proud of is a piece of **** and will probably get the wrong people killed.


Do you get to wear a pair of cool sunglasses with that?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Nope just my nerdy steel half frames like Michael Douglas in "Falling Down".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Am I sick- not sure what this says about MY personality -- I loved "Falling Down" Amazon.com: Falling Down: Michael Douglas, Robert Duvall, Barbara Hershey, Tuesday Weld, Rachel Ticotin, Frederic Forrest, Lois Smith, Joey Hope Singer, Ebbe Roe Smith, Michael Paul Chan, Raymond J. Barry, D.W. Moffett, Joel Schumacher, Arnold Kopels 

I mean the movie was about pain (LOVE drama) but there was unending humor in his finally "not taking it anymore", some scenes I was laughing so hard I almost cried. I think this would have made a grand comedy had it not been so serious ! 

Hated the ending of coarse- probably why I feel SICK for laughing - just wanted it to be a the worse day in hell for a time and get back on his feet, rooting for him the whole time. 


What a unique job you have Runs!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I find such tests very helpful to know when you are married, even more so if you are having personality issues with each other.


Boker said the test is pretty accurate, for the two of us, it is 90 percent accurate. 

I think it is important for people to understand their personalities and their spouses' personalities too. Keep the good ones, work on the bad ones. 

Better take it when you are dating!


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## OHIObe (Sep 20, 2012)

A colleague who studies behavioral phsychology suggested a similar eval:
HumanMetrics - online relationships, personality and entrepreneur tests, personal solution center

Here's mine - I'm pretty impressed with the accuracy!
ENFJ
Extravert(22%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(12%) Judging(33%)
You have slight preference of Extraversion over Introversion (22%)
You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (50%)
You have slight preference of Feeling over Thinking (12%)
You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (33%)


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

for this site link OHIObe... I like stuff like that







.... The answers for me change sometimes..... I am inbetween *THinking* & *Feeling*, and Inbetween *Intuitive* & *Sensing* on various Tests. I'll have to give this one a go. 

I see they have a few interesting Tests....on the left side of that page... too bad they cost $$ to take...I'm too cheap.......*a Jung Marriage Test*, *Risk attitudes Profile *(I would probably be low on that ), *Assertiveness Test* (I'd score high)...*Morals Test* (that'd be an interesting one)..


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Oh I love this stuff

I was sort of astonished at how accurate it was when I first discovered it...and I like to type people too now


I'm melancholic (choleric secondary)...and an INFP

Another test I like is the Enneagram (they break it into 9 types )...that's quite accurate as well...and I like it because they give suggestions for how to overcome the weakness of your type


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've come to realise I'm a combination of Sanguine + Phlegmatic + Choleric + my personality based on the list of just 16 types changes depending on my mood =/

Maybe I'm just an alien


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Well ISTJ for me, not surprised at all that I am a duty fulfiller. I sound so boring every time I take one of these personality tests😔


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

FrenchFry said:


> We both see the world the same, but he's more driven to action while I'm happy to dream and plot. INTPs are allergic to control and ENTJs really really like to do so my husband sometimes feels like he's trying to herd a cat with me. I tend to be in the clouds and don't recognize directly when conflict is brewing (I take it internally trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong!) while my husband is blunt and direct, which mostly leads to us having cold, terse and profanity laced quiet arguments.
> 
> My husband brings me out of my shell, which is awesome. He also loves listening to my silly ideas and thoughts and has a real knack of making them reality. ENTJs have this huge, hard candy shell but if I tickle my husband's brain just right, or get him a little tipsy he becomes a huge effervescent emotional marshmallow which I think is the greatest thing ever. He definitely thinks he's a leader and he's got me under his thumb, which I find hilarious because he generally does what I want as long as he thinks it's "right." When having serious discussions, the best way to win him over is to pretty much do a Power Point presentation and that cracks me up.
> 
> He's the only ENTJ I know, and I'd love to know more about how they work on the inside from other perspectives. I can observe him all day but I love other perspectives as well.


I love this perspective! I'm a Bossy Donkey too and it's wonderful to hear such a cool description of the type!

One thing though--I'm nobody's marshmallow! Maybe a warm little bowl of salted caramel....but I'm no marshmallow! :rofl:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Giro flee said:


> Well ISTJ for me, not surprised at all that I am a duty fulfiller. I sound so boring every time I take one of these personality tests��


 Do you have any idea how wholly chaotic this world would BE if we did not have the "grounded" types...seriously...! We NEED all the types...it is in being the Best we can Be within our own framework.. no shame, only purpose. 



FrenchFry said:


> We both see the world the same, but he's more driven to action while I'm happy to dream and plot. INTPs are allergic to control and ENTJs really really like to do so my husband sometimes feels like he's trying to herd a cat with me. I tend to be in the clouds and don't recognize directly when conflict is brewing (I take it internally trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong!) while my husband is blunt and direct, which mostly leads to us having cold, terse and profanity laced quiet arguments.
> 
> My husband brings me out of my shell, which is awesome. He also loves listening to my silly ideas and thoughts and has a real knack of making them reality. ENTJs have this huge, hard candy shell but if I tickle my husband's brain just right, or get him a little tipsy he becomes a huge effervescent emotional marshmallow which I think is the greatest thing ever. He definitely thinks he's a leader and he's got me under his thumb, which I find hilarious because he generally does what I want as long as he thinks it's "right." When having serious discussions, the best way to win him over is to pretty much do a Power Point presentation and that cracks me up.
> 
> He's the only ENTJ I know, and I'd love to know more about how they work on the inside from other perspectives. I can observe him all day but I love other perspectives as well.


That was a great Relationship analysis French Fry ...very very nice! That last paragraph was endearing / lovely.......after the "profanity laced quiet arguments" dynamic...oh we all have a good fight once in a while...at least most of us do.


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## agreenbough (Oct 1, 2012)

I read that couples generally get along best when they have two categories in common. I'm and INFP and my husband is an ESTJ.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OK for the pure Entertainment value...(this Test is very accurate by the way)...but it focus's on our pathetic Weaknesses & Flaws run amuck....

 Take The Brutally Honest Personality Test (no need to sign up in this site at the end, just ask for results)

What are you?



> *Loner* (ISFP)...
> Ahh...the sweet serenity. The utter perfection of all creation. The wondrous beauty of nature. The sweet sparrow singing along in the great orchestra we call life...
> WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? You're the type of person people always love to mock because they don't believe there's anyone ACTUALLY like you. Do realise that you ostracise people with your behaviour or is it all subconscious? You're so quiet and reserved it's almost impossible to get to know you well, and when someone finally does, all you want to talk about is grace and beauty and harmony!...
> read more
> ...


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Looks like I'm a :loser:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The four-letter type is also the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator from the book "Please Understand Me". I discovered this during a job HR function, and it also applies extremely well to dating.

I'm an INTJ. Over 90% of my dates were INFx types, which is my best match - I had an online profile designed to attract them, and it worked. When I met my wife, she took the test and is an INFP. Reading the description was a revelation to her, and answered a lot of questions she'd been struggling with for years in a predominantly xSFx/xSTx world.

Knowing our types helped us understand each other more quickly than we'd probably have managed otherwise, so I've always considered this a valuable tool as well as entertaining.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TiggyBlue said:


> Looks like I'm a :loser:


 What's that - *the Dictator* ? 

I am cross between the *Do Gooder *& *the SAP*...and I have come out the Dictator at least once...... now how in the world could I be that crazy combination... at least being close to the SAP helps me not be a total ogre...(though I do have my moments when I get )...taking snippets of a write up of the ENTJ.. I can relate ....

I fit these ones pretty well... I do have some healthy *self awareness* so I won't run people over like this...



> *Dictator*:
> 
> There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. (I tend to fall into this thinking ...that the majority of idiot mistakes do not need to happen if people were more prepared, careful and used their head).. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people's feelings, and more than likely don't believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people's feelings..... (I am not this Bad- as teetering FEELING in my type saves me here....I do consider their feelings..at least after the fact if I lay into them in a moment!)
> 
> ...





> *FrenchFry said*: I think ENTJs get a little bit of a bad rap but having snagged one I don't know of a type I'd have more fun with in a marriage for sure.


 As with ALL these temperaments, our strengths are tremendous....it's in overcoming the weaknesses of each that - we need to get a handle on...it helps to know what they are... so we don't beat ourselves up too much when they surface....just realize this is common to your temperament and find ways to curb it.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

The loser, I either get INTP or INFP depending on what test I do.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TiggyBlue said:


> The loser, I either get INTP or INFP depending on what test I do.


You are a cross between ...THE THINKER  ...and...The Idealist...nothing wrong with that Tiggy! 



> *Married but Happy said:* The four-letter type is also the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator from the book "*Please Understand Me".* I discovered this during a job HR function, and it also applies extremely well to dating.


 I have this book and the 2nd one they put out 
Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence: 

From the original, in the front of the book, I found this little write up......



> "Different Drums for Different Drummers"
> 
> If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
> 
> ...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Hi SimplyAmorous,

I hope I'm not too late, despite some supposed romantic incompatibility my wife (INFJ) and I (ENTJ) have been together mostly quite happily for almost 18 years.

Best.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Well I just took the Grey- Wheelwright-Winer Type Indicator Test and my results came up as XNTJ.

So , I'm trying to figure out exactly what does that mean?

Can anyone help explain what does the X stand for on the charts?

I know for sure that on the personality type , I'm neither introverted nor extroverted. I'm somewhere in the middle, ambivert. 
In the questionnaire , a lot of my responses to the questions could have gone either way.
Lol, sometimes I like to examine all the factors , including the peripherals . Other times I like to just zoom in on the issue.

I think I might also have some OCD tendencies...
LMAO , story of my life!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think X means you could go either way.

Try reading the descriptions, maybe with your wife. See which personality type sounds more like you, according to both you and your wife.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well I just took the Grey- Wheelwright-Winer Type Indicator Test and my results came up as XNTJ.
> 
> So , I'm trying to figure out exactly what does that mean?
> 
> ...


Yes, the X = you are teetering in the middle.. Heck.. I could be an XXXJ !! I've had all 3 of them go back & forth.. though one thing always remains with me.. The J for Judging... I like details .. I can be a meticulous planner -sorting all of this out brings me peace...Procrastination annoys me...I am not a "fly by the seat of my pants" type person.....feeling "prepared" puts a  on my face, and also helps me be more flexible...if that even makes sense.. it's not that I don't do anything spontaneous -it's just that I like to be familiar with ENOUGH details/ information...that I have mentally weighed the pitfalls of any momentary adventure I undertake..

Here is a little breakdown on all these letters.... So what do all those cryptic MBTI code letters mean?



> E = *Extraverted Characteristics*
> 
> Act first, think/reflect later
> 
> ...





> S = *Sensing Characteristics*
> 
> Mentally live in the Now, attending to present opportunities
> 
> ...





> T = *Thinking Characteristics*
> 
> Instinctively search for facts and logic in a decision situation.
> 
> ...





> J = *Judging Characteristics*
> 
> Plan many of the details in advance before moving into action.
> 
> ...


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