# When to return to work and crying



## havenlad (Jul 30, 2012)

Hi guys

I'n new to allthis malarkey but on another thread have had some great help.

My partner of 10 years left on Friday evening. Had no contact apart from brief one way conversation on Saturday. She is refusing my calls and texts and has our 7 yr old with her.

Anyway - the reason for this post is to ask a question. I thought it was better after the longest weekend of my life to get to work yesterday, day 3 of singledom. I cried from the moment I left home to the moment I left work - I was in work an hour. Obviously too early.

This morning I feel a lot better but it may kick off again. Did you all find it was best to wait until all the crying stopped or did you find your colleagues sympathetic to you sometimes having to take a few moments away to pull yourself together?

Thanks in advance


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

In all of these types of life experiences, use them as a learning experience so as you get older, you do indeed get wiser!

You are an exceptionally emotional man. Your wife has left you for a few days and you’ve gone and got you in a right state, unable to cope with life.

Your emotions come from your ego which at the moment is quite “immature” and has some stretching and growing to do. In order for that to happen you need to be able to get away from it, give your “self” a holiday such that it relaxes and then can start to grow and get wiser. To learn how to do this, read Awareness: Amazon.co.uk: Anthony De Mello: Books.

To learn about your emotions read Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ: Amazon.co.uk: Daniel Goleman: Books.

You’ve got very poor boundaries. In that for example your are responding to what “appears” to be your wife’s passive/covert aggression with anger. That has to STOP. New boundary for you “I will never get rid of, dissipate, my anger on my wife. I will dissipate my anger in healthy ways”. Because all you do when you get angry is escalate the problem and get in such a state you don’t see what happened and what’s happening.

You need healthy boundaries in order to be a healthy man. To learn how to do that read http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hold-Your-N...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1343732847&sr=1-1.




Do NOT look to your wife to help you make these changes. She sounds like a passive aggressive. You need to learn about that and how to manage it in your life.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Do not use your work environment to vent out your home environment. Make it a safe zone. Your colleagues will be outwardly sympathetic, but that will build to pity and resentment quickly. If you use work as a haven to get away from your home situation, it will give you a place of sanity.

One exception. If she is bat**** crazy, tell your boss that there may be some issues with her and ask for assistance to prevent that from entering the work space.

Now at home, time to take an aggressive stance.

Break all attempts at contact with her. Go silent and do not take her calls.
Close joint accounts.
Change the locks on the doors.
See an attorney.

Do not be in the same place with her alone. She has taken your daughter and is refusing you contact. That means she will do anything to hurt you. (claim abuse, claim child abuse, whatever)


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## Max Demien (Jul 24, 2012)

IMO you need to stay as busy as possible. It sounds like you are trying to control things that you just can't. Worry about what you can control and have faith that the things beyond your control will fall into place. Adopt the attitude that you are a survivor and face your future with hope. Good luck!


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