# Widows or widowers that re-marry.



## Cee Paul

So a buddy of mine married a widow about 5 years ago who was previously married for 18 years, but her husband died of stomach cancer at only 38 years old. And from what was said about him by her and her 3 kids is that he was a great man that was always good to his wife and kids, so my buddy has always had BIIIIIG shoes to fill. Because it's different when you meet someone and they are divorced because their exes were total jerks, but it's a whole other ball game when you come into a situation where the spouse was awesome and beloved by all, and would have still been the spouse had he or she not passed away.

Is there anyone else in this same situation dealing with these same issues, so that maybe I can share your answers with my friend?


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## Cee Paul

*Bump*


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## Maneo

My mom was married three times and the first two died. You take each relationship on its own terms. And best for all to avoid the comparison game. It's not a contest. In my case neither subsequent husband tried to replace my dad for the children. We had a father. Now our mom had a new husband.


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## Mavash.

People come and go out of lives for many reasons including divorce or death.

They are two separate relationships and trying to fill someone else's shoes is pointless.

Any insecurities that crop up need to be dealt with in therapy.

Don't put that on the widow.

It's not their fault.


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## Cee Paul

Mavash. said:


> People come and go out of lives for many reasons including divorce or death.
> 
> They are two separate relationships and trying to fill someone else's shoes is pointless.
> 
> Any insecurities that crop up need to be dealt with in therapy.
> 
> Don't put that on the widow.
> 
> It's not their fault.


All good points; but he told me that he can't help feeling and knowing that if by some miracle her deceased husband walked through the door he would be toast, because of the fact she still adores him and speaks highly of him from time to time. Not to mention for the first 3 years her kids totally tried to reject the idea of a new dad which is totally understandable, but none the less was not an easy pill to swallow at first.


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