# sexless marriages and nonsexual touch



## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

does nonsexual touch exist in a low to sexless marriage. the reason I ask,my marriage has turned around from nonsexual touch. my wife would never touch me, I would ask her to watch a movie while holding hands. she would always respond NO, I started reminding her it would not lead to sex. I slowly worked to giving her massages, back rubs, brushing her hair etc. she slowly begin to talk and seem very happy getting all this attention. we use to never talk, my wife came from a bad childhood she seen talking about marriage problems as conflict. i would have to remind her that talking in a marriage is very healthy and is in no way arguing. we lay in bed touching kissing and talking, guess what our sex is better than ever. just the other day my wife texted me telling how happy she is to be married to me. if you have a LD spouse or in a sexless marriage are you getting or trying non sexual touch.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yeah Cheese!


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Very happy for you.

Yeah, I tried the non sexual touching and she always allowed it, but it never helped in the bedroom. All of the touching was me giving and her receiving. I could never get her to reciprocate much of anything. But, I must add that my STBXW has BPD, so there were other issues at play with her interest in getting close.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Same here, BPD, touch averse. Pity because touch therapy is an excellent treatment for her stress, but the Prime Directive says no 

Before BPD we actually did a lot of that but BPD pretty much killed it.


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

I'd say there is a fair bit of non-sexual touch in our relationship. He is a hand-holder, and frequently gives me back rubs etc. I have come to feel that those are his way of giving me a consolation prize to make up for the lack of sex.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Men who refuse to have sex with their wives for whatever reason don't like non sexual touching because they believe it is a slippery slope to sex. This is especially true if the man suffers from various kinds of sexual dysfunctions which make sex stressful and unpleasant. A refusing woman often enjoys non sexual touch but most refusing men would rather drink bleach than touch their wives.


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

IndyTMI said:


> Very happy for you.
> 
> Yeah, I tried the non sexual touching and she always allowed it, but it never helped in the bedroom. All of the touching was me giving and her receiving. I could never get her to reciprocate much of anything. But, I must add that my STBXW has BPD, so there were other issues at play with her interest in getting close.


Same thing happened when i tried it out.

I would come up and hug her from behind, she would say "thanks" and go back to whatever she was doing.

I would come home and kiss her, she would say "thanks" and walk off.

The "saying thanks" part started rubbing me the wrong way, so I stopped trying after a while of no reciprocation.


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

I just worry as time goes by we will fall back to same marriage we had. She does not initiate sex but at least im not getting turned down like i was and the sex is good. Because of my wifes past our marriage moves foward in baby steps. After 13 years of marriage she now can initiate conversation with me, so maybe over time sex will come.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

When my wife and I went to a marriage counselor (and one of the complaints was lack of sex), the MC told us to do a lot of non-sexual (hand-holding,hugging) and mild sexual (ass grabbing, sensual kiss on neck) touching for 7 days with no expectation of sex. On day 6 we ripped each other's clothes off and went at it like teenagers.

Lesson? When the understanding is that not all touching will lead to sex but knowing sex will eventually come, it's easier to have non-sexual intimacy.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

When my wife and I went to a marriage counselor (and one of the complaints was lack of sex), the MC told us to do a lot of non-sexual (hand-holding,hugging) and mild sexual (ass grabbing, sensual kiss on neck) touching for 7 days with no expectation of sex. On day 6 we ripped each other's clothes off and went at it like teenagers.

Lesson? When the understanding is that not all touching will lead to sex but knowing sex will eventually come, it's easier to have non-sexual intimacy.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

How big of a gap was there in sex that required MC?? For how long?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Non sexual sexual contact can be a good thing to help a couple 'recover'. 

But it depends what stage you are at. If there is so much hurt, resentment and damage there that your partner simply breaking your personal barrier makes you cringe then perhaps non sexual touching won't work.

Both partners have got to WANT to have a sexually fulfilling and satisfying relationship. If that means her giving him the occasional BJ which she hates (but he loves)....or him giving her a nice long massage when she is on her period (ie no hope of sex) then so be it. 

But BOTH sides HAVE to compromise. If one or either won't then non sexual touch as a starter isn't going to work.

I would give my right bollock to have a good sex life with my wife...she just isn't interested. Her idea of a come on is 'I'm here if you want my services' as she walks out of the bedroom! Yeah right!


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