# Does a husband have the right?



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I posted a similar thread in the Ladies' Lounge, and I thought it's time to post here:

Doe a H have the right to expect (not DEMAND) sex from his W? I know that sex is important for marriage, and that there are legions of people who say that a man shouldn't put up with a sexless marriage, but there are also BIGGER legions of women (and men) who say that you shouldn't force her to do it if she doesn't want to.

Now, my W has never turned me down, but she also never initiates (I think it has to do with her cultural upbringing, or maybe she just prefers for me to take charge). So, I begin to wonder: does she really even LIKE sex, and am I expecting too much? I know that I would never FORCE her to have sex, but again; am I acting entitled, like a CAN (Controlling, Abusive Neanderthal)?

So, people-do you think that a H has the right (within reason) to expect sex from his W?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Yes, I believe a husband has a right to expect sex from his wife - and vice versa.

I suspect that if your wife is having sex with you only dutifully, she understands that. But why not have a discussion with her about it? Ask her why she doesn't initiate. Ask her what you can do to improve it on your end if it comes to that. Let her know that you'd love it if she initiated sometimes.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Yes!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Yes, that and a bag of chips too. If I just wanted companionship I’d have stuck with my dog (Cletus).


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Yes, that and a bag of chips too. If I just wanted companionship I’d have stuck with my dog (Cletus).


Don't drag me into this. I'm potty trained.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Cletus said:


> Don't drag me into this. I'm potty trained.


Yes, but he has other "issues".


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I know I expected to have sex and keep on having sex in a marriage.

Getting married is saying - I'm taking a vow to receive and give sex to you only for the rest of my life. 

Sex is what separates marriages from family relationships. I love my siblings, I would do anything for them, I am deeply committed to them - the same way I feel about my husband. However, the sexual factor makes a tremendous difference. 

Under what circumstances would a young, healthy person sign up for a sexless marriage? I mean, sex is the deal, is it not? 

(Of course I am in no way saying that any man or woman should be coerced or forced into sex.)

EXPECTING that your marriage is going to have sex - perfectly normal. Doesn't everyone?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

If not with your spouse, then with whom? We're biologically wired to have sex. We have lots more sex when the relationship is fresh, so it can taper off, but the desire for physical release cannot be ignored.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Of course both spouses have a right to expect sex from each other. That is what distinguishes marriage from a roommate, brother/sister, or mere friendship relationship.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

skype said:


> Of course both spouses have a right to expect sex from each other. That is what distinguishes marriage from a roommate, brother/sister, or mere friendship relationship.


Exactly. :iagree:

Both spouses should expect that as part of their marriage


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

F-102 said:


> So, people-do you think that a H has the right (within reason) to expect sex from his W?


If you are doing your very best to hold up your end of the commitment, then unequivocally yes. It is a direct ethical corollary to the vow of sexual exclusivity that is part of the Judeo-Christian marriage compact. 



F-102 said:


> ...but there are also BIGGER legions of women (and men) who say that you shouldn't force her to do it if she doesn't want to


That is actually a false dilemma. An ethical right should not be confused with a legal right.

You have an ethical right to terminate the marriage if your spouse can't or won't honor their commitment. You do not have any right at all to force your spouse to do anything.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I make over 100K a year I just got a $11,000 bonus after taxes. I take care of the yard. I repair our cars, Ive remodeled 2 bedrooms, I rewired parts of the house. Seems to me she could pretend once a week for 20 minutes that I am desirable.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Unless they entered into the marriage with the AGREEMENT (as in BOTH agree, not a unilateral decision for the other to just follow suit) that there would be no sex, then YES, absolutely the husband or wife has the right to expect sex will be part of the marriage.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Like others have said, both have the right to expect sex. Now, regarding your situation, I initiate much more than my wife. I have discovered that my wife has what is termed "responsive desire." Do a web search and you will find it. It means that sex is usually not on her mind, but once we get started, she responds...and my wife REALLY responds!!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Thound said:


> I make over 100K a year I just got a $11,000 bonus after taxes. I take care of the yard. I repair our cars, Ive remodeled 2 bedrooms, I rewired parts of the house. Seems to me she could pretend once a week for 20 minutes that I am desirable.



Darn! I don't do car repairs or remodel anything. No wonder 

Reciprocity - forget any deeper emotions - is simply not in some people's mind.


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## lisad45 (Feb 21, 2014)

Yes absolutely they have the right!


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

F-102 said:


> Doe a H have the right to expect (not DEMAND) sex from his W?


I believe that a sexless marriage is grounds for divorce. So the answer is yes.

He also has the right to demand it -although many people would not want to and would just give up instead.

(within reason of course)


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The sexless marriage is better than the marriage in which one spouse is agitating to divorce.

A man or a woman for that matter can up their sex ranking.

Talk less. Listen more. Initiate sex confidently. If the rejection continues, consider divorce. If living in sexless marriage is unacceptable, put a 180 into effect. If the refuser responds by changing, good. If not, tell them that divorce is coming.

If divorce is unacceptable, there are other changes that can be made.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

If the husband keeps up his end of the deal then yes. Definitely. However, there's a difference between expecting and demanding. i dare my man to TELL me we're having sex. well... unless it's one of those kinda things )


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Yes.


When you get married, you are not your own anymore. That means, the wifee is now to take care of her hubby's needs as her own and the hubby is to take care of his wifee's needs as his own. Neither are each others anymore.

So denying one spouse of what they need because the other spouse doesn't think its important is destructive to the marriage, which leads to Emotional affairs, cheating and divorce.

You don't get married to have little to no sex. That is bait and switch and not honest to the other spouse.

If the wifee loves her man, she should think he's hot and want sex with him. If not, why did she get married? Money? Kids? Don't have to work much? What?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Marriage is supposed to be a two person union, a team. Running a home, a family is just like running a business. Each person (obviously not a baby!) has their role.

If both parents work full time they split the other responsibilities; he does the yard, chops the wood, services the cars etc...she cooks, fills the washing machine etc.
Its a joint effort to make the 'team' work.

The thing that separates the marriage from a 'business' is sex. It is the glue that binds you. Its when the two directors become lovers. 
Yes he should expect it as should she.

I work full time - 0900-1800. My wife works 0900-1200. Because she has every afternoon free it is sensible that she does more of the household 'jobs' than me.
I am fed up with the numberof times I have opened the fridge at 1815 for a beer or some milk to find there isnt any...'Oh I forgot to go shopping, theer was a good film on TV'

Maybe I should forget to pursue that contract at work and miss out of a bonus? 'Sorry, I was playing a game on my laptop'...

Sorry - I digress.

yes, each partner should expect sex and support each other in the running of family. Be it sex, shopping, chopping wood, clearing the yard etc.

If one partner does not keep to their part of the 'deal' the whole thing starts to crumble.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Does she have a right to expect you to be a good husband, be a decent man, protect her, be attentive, and take care of her needs, even if you may not always want too?

The importance and value placed on sex being something "bad" if you want it too much is insane to me. There is a reason why though. Conditioning throughout our childhoods. Abstinence is preached by parents, religion, and the government, all for a reason. Each has their own reason and I won't get into it. All these reasons vanish once married. 

You can have sex, talk about sex, want sex, and no you aren't bad for wanting to be intimate with your soulmate and spouse as much as humanly possible. I am sure your wife wants your attention as much as possible, do you think she feels bad or controlling because of that? Sex is important in a marriage but it is no more valuable than the basic needs she has (that you may not want to meet) and you meet them daily. 

Sex is just as much a part of marriage as staying faithful and committed is. If we can take days off for sex because it's such a "duty", then we can take days off for loyalty because that is such a "duty" too. I will never understand why anyone thinks wanting intimacy as much as possible in this short life we all have, with your soulmate, is a bad thing. I will never get it.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Yes.

What would be the justification for a "No" answer?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Yes. For all the great reasons posted above.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Yes. And if one is not willing the other has the right to go elsewhere.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

NO!

Just because you help her out, provide for her, make her life easier does not mean she has to be aroused by you nor provide "sexual relief", just cause you help her she doesn't have to help you...


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Midwest Guy said:


> The justification for a no answer would be if a husband is acting like a big a**hole towards her. Why should she be expected to partake in the horizontal hula if he's treating her badly?


If he is not meeting her needs, then she shouldn't meet his. They should part ways.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

It goes without saying that any person always has the right to say No regardless of whether they are in or out of a marriage.

Simply demanding or expecting does not actually force a person to have sex. You do not even need to justify the No. People can say no just because they are not interested in having sex with their spouse.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Midwest Guy said:


> The justification for a no answer would be if a husband is acting like a big a**hole towards her. Why should she be expected to partake in the horizontal hula if he's treating her badly?


The question was H's expectation "within reason." Expectation is not actuality. If it's as bad as you hypothesize and there is no basis for _*reasonable *_expectation then that's a different question and not the one asked by the OP.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No. But he can hope.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

MissScarlett said:


> I know I expected to have sex and keep on having sex in a marriage.
> 
> Getting married is saying - I'm taking a vow to receive and give sex to you only for the rest of my life.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

And as someone else asked, what would be the justification for a no answer?


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