# Husband of 17 yrs hates my family



## nerrod

My husband comes from a very small family, on his own since he was 16. I have a small family as well but we are very close, they have been visiting me in my home LONG before my husband moved in. My 2 brothers and they're families visit often and stay over because the live 2.5 hours away. My eldest brother works in the city here in NY, he lives 25 miles from his train station, and he does not have a ride on mondays & fridays, so I told him it was Ok to stay here for the weekend, well that did not work. My husband point blank told him he was NOT welcome here and to find somewhere else to stay, he said to him quote: it's NOT my problem you cant find a way home on Mondays & Fridays.

The other issue is that my same brothers 19 yr. old son (my very close nephew) was given the gift of a college education 20 minutes from my home. My husband & I agreed he can stay here while going to school, it was a blessing. 2 weeks later my husband said to me "what is HE doing here??" I asked him if he remembered our discussion about him staying here while attending school because he lives 2.5 hrs away. He said he did not and does NOT want him staying here. NCE!!!. This kind has had a tough life, his mother (mentally ill) has disowned him, his sister (my niece) id a HS drop out and pregnant at 16. He has ADHA and No medication to help him focus. And he has never been given any opportunity to flourish in life. This college education was a godsend and now my husband is giving him a RAW deal. What can I do?? Husband says I do not care about HIS feelings. The 17 years he has lived here anytime my family comes over for a visit I hear "what are they doing here and he retreats to his man cave in the basement. What to do?. I am sick of this ****, it is ALWAYS about my husband and NO one else's feelings matter, The last month each member in my family has said they do not want to come here anymore because they do NOT feel welcome anymore. He has told them point blank.


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## sweetpeaflower

I'm sorry, but I have to side with your husband. It is his home also. I don't like relatives staying, either. My home is my sanctuary away from other people, as my job involves alot of people. Maybe he feels the same way. You say they visit "often". How often is it? I would think twice a year would be enough. Maybe they could get a hotel room and you could spend time with them yourself, going to places other than your home. This way you could spend the time you want with them, and he could have his house to himself.
It is unfortunate that he won't let the college student stay. But can your nephew stay on campus? I can relate to college kids staying with you, too. I wouldn't like it. They come and go at all hours, waking people up when they do. They don't pick up after themselves, so I'm constantly cleaning after them and cooking for them. It is alot of extra work and expense. There probably isn't alot of privacy, and maybe he doesn't like that. I can understand trying to help your nephew out, but a year is a really looooong time. Would it help if your nephew could pay something to you and your husband for staying there, like a small rent?
It sounds like you've been having too many visitors, too often. It would make me resentful, also.


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## nerrod

Thank you for your reply sweetpeaflower, Ok thank you for your reply and I understand. Sort of. I will cut down the number of visits and ask him permission for them to stay when they visit. Here is the biggest problem. My mother is 81 now, My husband lost his parents 2o plus years ago. This house was given to me 5 years before I met my husband, and she turn the deed over to me with one condition ( I found out of this condition last month, He does NOT know yet). I cannot sell this house until she passes away. And we cannot afford to move without the sale of this house, As it is paid for in full. we have not a penny of a down payment.

My Husband wants to move a least 1 hour away ASAP. I need to stay by my 81 year old mother. There are no other relitives near, just me.. He has never done anything to help her at all. He feels it is up to my brothers who both live over 2 hours away. Hence the need for them to come down and stay here as they help her. Reason they stay here is because of the condition of her home. It is god awful because of the multiple animals she has had over the course of 2o plus years..It smells really bad and you cannot even cook in the kitchen the animals have taken over the home. My husband is MISERABLE here in this town where we live. I need to stay close to my mother, He wants to move NOW. How do we comprimise?? She probable has just a few years left.


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## Pandakiss

college is great but my home my santuary and with my h almost 20 yrs and i hate his mother his father his older brother his younger brother is an idoit his moms mother is the most special person i wish i could have gotten to know her so if i came home and there they were out out out we not gonna have a everyone hates ray good time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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