# Santa Needs help: Calling Syn!!



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

The Backstory: (sorry its long but this IS the Cliff Notes actually)


She has never been "in" the marriage. She insisted her ex husband stay a week with us to spend time with daugher, (he lives in NY), I didnt like it but agreed because she said if I didnt it proved how selfish and insecure I was... 

Needless to say I came everyday to them in the pool driniking and grilling having a good old time while kids were inside. Finally on our anniversary I came home to find them both in very odd seating arrangements. I ask to speak with her about it after everyone went to bed and basically she didnt care what my opinion was.. I left and stayed at brothers house. She filed restraining order and let him stay there. In fact they went out to eat at a nice resturant together...


I filed for divorce. She ended up having him stay on different occasions for awhile even after lying to me about it after we agreed he shouldnt be staying there with my 3 yr old son while we are seperated and so soon. She didnt care. Tried to get relocation with my son to NY with him. Courts denied. Very ugly custody battle. She triend every way in book to get me out of equation so she could go with ex to NY. Even calling police and trying to set me up non stop.


Eventually standard joint custody was decided and I took great new job at beach and was moving on. She then decides she loves me and wants to work things out. So for my sons sake and trying to keep familuy together, I move her here.

Well, she spends no time working on relationship and spends her time catching up with old friends here and inviting them to come vist and hang out and drink.. This is frustrating to me because her daughter is with her Dad in NY and will be back at end of summer and I would like to know marriage is in better shape and going in righrt direction by then. She has other plans. 

After a month of her not looking for a job or working on relationship, I say something to her. She gets angry and leaves. Then about every week or two she gets drunk and just starts going off on me and making drama and leaving. Once she left drunk and totalled her car actualluy. Have no idea how she didnt get arrested..


Anyway, I begin to let her know that this isnt going to cut it. Lets start working on relationship and making it a priority or its over. She seems a little concerned but then two days later gets mad and doesnt want to hear anything from me and basically takes a hardcore "I dont give a damn attitude". 

Monday before last I text her and ask whats she doing (suppose to be looking for a job) and she says at Office Depot making copies of resume. I happend to be by Office Depot for work and swing by thinking I will pay for all the copies and get also some nice resume paper I know she doesnt have money for. 

Surprise, surprise... She isnt there.. I call and ask her again, and she says "at Office Depot I told you!" I nicely said, "ummmm no your not because I am here now." She then says, she meant to say "on her way to Office Depot".... Which I also know is a lie because she never showed up. 

Feeling uneasy she lied to me, I didnt say anything but instead kept my cool and the next day during a break, I went by Apt and she wasnt there.. I text and ask what she was doing. She implied
she was at home on computer looking for jobs. Another lie. 
As I leave the apt, I see her car at Apt complex office. Again, I dont say anything and just go back to work. 

The Wed., I go by Apt again to see she again isnt there but impliying she is there looking for jobs on computer.. I see her car at Apt complex office again and this time go inside. She doesnt she me at all because she is so engrossed in the computer. She isnt looking for jobs at all. She is chatting with someone and looking for places to move. I sit down behind her and just watch and listen. She never sees me and is busy making calls to different places to move, etc. Worried it might cause a scene if I say anything, I just get up and leave but not without first taking pictures and video or her up to no good, because I know she will deny it as always. 

I go home and ask can she come home for us to talk. She does and seems confused. I tell her I dont want to argue or fight. We have a child together, so I ask her to please if nothing else be honest with me. I ask her is she seeing or talking to anyone, she says "NO!! Of course not!! WTH??". Then I ask is she looking for places to move and she says "NO!! Why are you asking me this? Whats going on?".

I again ask her to be honest with me becuase I know she is lying. Again I ask her about looking for a place. She says "I havnt looked for a place to move or anything like that in a long long time!" 

I show her a picture of doing just that at Apt complex office. She says, she meant on our computer at home. (we have two there she could use) I say if you didnt have anything to hide then why are you not using our two computers and using one at Apt complex Office?

She jumps up and says "I'm not doing this ****! I will just leave!!" to which I said fine, go.. She goes and picks up our son from school and leaves for a couple of nights. 


She comes back Fri night and we dont talk much. She sleeps in bed and me on couch. Sat morning I wake up to her actually cooking breakfest and being nice... I am kinda shocked but going with it. Afterall I want it to work if possible. 

She goes into talking about how she needs me to give her money for her and her daughters cell phone bill. I dont say much and she then starts saying I must not want it to work if I am unwilling to even give her money now. I ask her is that all she wants me for? Because that is me meeting her needs and she is not meeting any of mine. Wanting to show good faith after making my point, I ask how much she needs and then give her the $250.00 she wanted. 

She then starts being ugly for no apparent reason. I ask is she trying to start a fight and she says no but then goes to bathroom to shave her "private parts" and then leaves my son and I bascially and goes MIA the whole weekend. She returns this past Monday morning, 10 mins after I am to be at work, so we dont have to talk..

She doesnt know that I left a VAR before I left for work...


I come home and she doesnt want to talk or anything and we pretty much keep our distance from each other. 

I go into work Tues and start listening to the VAR recordings.. She is talking to her friend Mary about how things went meeting some guy named Adaim in a Jeep and how he's cute. I guess Mary, her friend, ask a question about what she told him because she replies "No I told him the truth that I going thru a divorce. But he's divorced so he undertsands". She then proceeds to go on about how great this is and how her whole life is about to change and he is making this possible and how she almost has her new place all worked out... 


I heard enough and went home and ask her again to sit down and lets talk but she needs to be honest with me. I ask her the same questions as before and she jumps up and says again "I'm not doing this ****! I'll just leave!!" to which I replied "I think you should then!!" 

She blew up my phone that night and next day but only about wanting stuff she left behind and I wouldnt reply at all. 
She starts making threats that she will have me arrested if I dont give her rest of her things. I finally respond that I dont want her things and she can have them but its best we dont see each other or even talk right now. She was livid of course. 


A couple of days go by this week and she text again wanting her things. I tell her that perhaps she can come by today and get them but there is to be no discussion at all. I ask to speak with our son and she's not with him of course so he cant talk to me.. I ask her to have him call when he can and never hear another word. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Now I am starting to worry should I allow her and her GF to come by apt today or not... I orginally was going to ask a friend to come be with me, just so I would have a witness but he had literally a real family emergency and can't. 

I am afraid she and her friend can say or do anthing and its two vs one. Like start taking anything she wants, and if I try to stop her, she calls police and lies. Moving forward I want things to be normal as possible without the drama since we have to get her the rest of her things and we have to see each other to exchange our son and deal with issues of school, etc. that have to be resolved now we arent together but I just dont want to have to deal with her at all right now! 

Just not sure what to do and could really use some good advice please....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Keep a VAR on you at all times.

If you decide to let her back in to get things with her girlfriend, have the police there as your witness.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you can also call the police to let them be aware of the situation in case she does call


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I called and the police said they would prefer to stay out of domestic civil situations unless there was a problem, and since there hasnt been yet, ...... 

Bet it would be different if I was a woman calling and asking... 


Anyway, I just dont think I need to let them and see if we can make it a time when I have someone there to witness. She will throw a fit and threaten everything in the book and I would like to be able to trust her enough to just let her come get her stuff she left but I feel I just cant at the moment...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

An employee of the apartment complex would be next best after the cops.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> An employee of the apartment complex would be next best after the cops.


AHA! Thats a good option indeed!!!


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Can't she email you a list of things and you pack them for her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> An employee of the apartment complex would be next best after the cops.


At lunch I went home and the Apt Complex people said they would rather not get involved and hope its not a problem in the future.... 

If I were a woman, them and police would respond totally different I am sure... 

:banghead:


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Can't she email you a list of things and you pack them for her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I ask her to do that Wed and she said she could rememeber all the things, blah blah blah so she had to come look around... 

I am just thinking its too soon and I'm afraid to let her and her friend in the house. 2 on 1 = not good..


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> At lunch I went home and the Apt Complex people said they would rather not get involved and hope its not a problem in the future....
> 
> If I were a woman, them and police would respond totally different I am sure...
> 
> :banghead:


Take it up the ladder.

You were talking to the line employees.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Santa said:


> I called and the police said they would prefer to stay out of domestic civil situations unless there was a problem, and since there hasnt been yet, ......
> 
> Bet it would be different if I was a woman calling and asking...


Not true. I'm married to a cop. My best friend tried to get my husband to arrange for the cops to be there when she moved out (she's divorced now). He said he couldn't as his hands were tied. They simply are not allowed to get involved in civil matters. They will however come once it becomes a disturbance.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Not true. I'm married to a cop. My best friend tried to get my husband to arrange for the cops to be there when she moved out (she's divorced now). He said he couldn't as his hands were tied. They simply are not allowed to get involved in civil matters. They will however come once it becomes a disturbance.


Yep thats what the police said too. 

I hoping to avoid a disturbance at all cost. Think I am going to just tell her to come another day when I can have someone there to witness. She will yell and curse me and threaten everything under the sun, but I think I will just go back to NC until I can arrange a day with a witness. 

Better than the alternative


----------



## Jojara (Aug 1, 2012)

She may yell and curse at you....but it sounds like it wont be the first time. 

I agree with your last post to wait until you can have someone there with you! How awful for you!!!


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Can she still enter when you're not there? Or were the locks changed?


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

She's a lost soul and deserves absolutely no sympathy (you already know that).

DO NOT BE ALONE when she comes to get her stuff.

If you end up alone for whatever reason, make sure you video-tape the whole thing. Buy one or two handheld video recorders ($50) and record their every move.

I know this sounds over the top, but your wife is a crazy wh0re and I know how easily she can push the right buttons to make you want to kill yourself. It's their survival tool. To drive people to the edge to get what they want. 

Stay calm and friendly (as you already stated you want to).

You *NEED* her out of your life. You have allowed her (your fault entirely) to take away your sanity and balls. Time to stop the madness.

Santa, I'm sorry, but somewhat happy for you. This woman was waaaaaay below your league level. You deserve a lot better. Consider your kindness to her a work of charity and move on.

Read the links in my signature. They will help you immensely.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

keko said:


> Can she still enter when you're not there? Or were the locks changed?


Locks changed and she is not on the lease! 

This was my place after she let our home go into foreclosure when she just stopped making payments last year when we split. Her Ex came to stay and they just enjoyed home and pool with my son and didnt pay a dime. 

Once she realized she couldnt relocate to NY with him, she wanted to relocate here where she has family. I came and talked to some people and actually got a great job with an aerospace company. SO I agreed to sign the relocation reguest here IF custody is 50/50 and child support goes from $800/mo plus alimony to just child support of $500/mo only AND our son can decide who he wants to live with at age 6. 

She agreed not knowing I already had great job lined up. I was here before her. THEN she wanted to work things out. So I moved her here and basically gave her another chance, only to find out she was lying and just using me again. 

So she's out BUT custody is settled!! BOOM!


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

synthetic said:


> She's a lost soul and deserves absolutely no sympathy (you already know that).
> 
> DO NOT BE ALONE when she comes to get her stuff.
> 
> ...




Yep, yep and hell yes!! Ive been waiting for you to pump me up!! Everything you said is dead on. She has used my own love for her to manipulate me to do things not in my best interest. I have given her PLENTY of chances and ask very very little actually. She has been the biggest miskate of my life and basically has no love or repect for me or my son. 

Sucks that I loved her WAY more than I thought was even possible and was SO freakin committed... 

Also sucks she was literally the best ever by far in bed.... guess she gets lots of practice.. Her thing is so beat up I should start calling it Rihanna...

Regardless, its time to move on! Custody is settled to my favor overall, Got a great little boy, got a great job at the beach, live at the beach, Look 10 yrs younger than I am, and head to Vegas for week on the 17th thru my Bday on 22nd!!! Excuse my french but F*CK HER!!!! 

(sorry for the rant...)


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

That's the attitude my man. That's the way: F*CK HER.

Always repeat that to yourself and avoid feeling sorry for yourself. It's not easy. It's always easier to take the victim role and expect empathy from people. Many people live their whole life like that.

You don't want to be one of them.

Time to start flirting with girls hotter and kinder than that crazy b1tch. Time to find:

0. Your sanity
1. Your self worth
2. Your social worth
3. Your ability to expect 'love' without making sacrifices.
4. Your ability to make sacrifices without expecting anything
5. Your ultimate prize: Self Awareness

F*CK HER


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I appreciate the comments and uplifting by everyone. Its sucks because I really did love her very much and wanted my son to have a whole family...

Regardless, I didnt make these bad choices and I deserve better and so does my son. He doesnt need to grow up seeing this as how a relationship should work. 
I did all I could do.. 


Now its time to move on!! 


_Singing;

Back in black
I hit the sack
I've been too long I'm glad to be back
Yes I'm, let loose
From the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I keep looking at the sky
'Cause it's gettin' me high
Forget the herse 'cause I'll never die
I got nine lives
Cat's eyes
Usin' every one of them and running wild

'Cause I'm back!!_


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well after telling her, I would not have anyone to be there when she and her friend came to pick up things Friday, (she went off of course and I just tunred phone off.) I managed to keep it NC all weekend until yesterday when she just showed up at my apartment with our son, while I was sitting outside. 

She said she just wanted her things she left and I said fine I would put them outside if she would wait outside. Well as soon as I opened the door the barged in. I didnt want to make a scene with my child there, so I let her get her things and she was very ugly and verbally abusive. Needless to say they left and she began going off on me, thats its all my fault etc. 

I went to the pool for the day and just left cell in apt. Of course when I returned later yesterday evening, there were tons of mean cruel text threatening me, etc. As like other times, this statements and accusations are so far fetched, I end up getting sucked into responding to defend myself from such crazy statements... bad idea. She just got more mean hearted and really said some very very hurtful things that honestly just crushed me inside.. 

I told her I wasnt doing this anymore and turning ph off which I did. At least now she has the things she left behind and has no reason to contact me other than our son and I dont have him again until Wed and then this weekend. I hate to, but I am thinking about just not getting him Wed as to avoid contact with her and make some space.. I hate to not spend time with my son, but I honestly just need some peace right now.. The last comments she made really struck me to the bone and hurt very bad. I just need peace right now and although I want to see my son bad, I dont want any contact with her at all right now... 


Is the the right thing to do? Or does anyone have another suggestion?


----------



## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

She is turning really mean as she wanted to be the one to ditch you first (VAR evidence), she is not liking it one bit that you stumbled on her plan and confronted her and seen her true colours. Well done for that. It seems to me she wanted to be the one in full control. 

You have done every thing you can to try again. She does not deserve another chance if she did not value her marriage enough to work on it the first time round.

Can you get to see your son through lawyers or mediation? Do not give her the satisfaction of being hurt by her words. From what you have said, that seems to be her intention.


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> I hate to not spend time with my son, but I honestly just need some peace right now


Go for peace. As long as you trust her with your son (which I think you do), then go at least a whole week with absolutely no contact. If you can stretch it to 2 weeks it would be wonderful.

Don't be stupid. Never engage in text wars with her. She will drag you down to her level and beat you with experience.

She ain't worth it.

F*** HER.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

mc1234 said:


> She is turning really mean as she wanted to be the one to ditch you first (VAR evidence), she is not liking it one bit that you stumbled on her plan and confronted her and seen her true colours. Well done for that. It seems to me she wanted to be the one in full control.
> 
> You have done every thing you can to try again. She does not deserve another chance if she did not value her marriage enough to work on it the first time round.
> 
> Can you get to see your son through lawyers or mediation? Do not give her the satisfaction of being hurt by her words. From what you have said, that seems to be her intention.




She didnt value it the first, second or third time around now..

We have the custody settled and its every other weekend and every Wed night. I want to see him this Wed night but I am just worried it will involve seeing her, drama, stress, etc. 

Thinking it may be better to give it to the weekend at least. 
I just dont want to deal with her at this point. I just need some peace for now..


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Go for peace. As long as you trust her with your son (which I think you do), then go at least a whole week with absolutely no contact. If you can stretch it to 2 weeks it would be wonderful.
> 
> Don't be stupid. Never engage in text wars with her. She will drag you down to her level and beat you with experience.
> 
> ...




Your right Syn.. All thru our marriage that was the only way she really would ever "discuss" anything with me, if you call it that. Basically it would just turn into a day of insults and me trying to defend the nonstop crazy accusations like playing emotional whack a mole... its exhausting and I just dont have anything left to give at this point.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Santa said:


> We have the custody settled and its every other weekend and every Wed night. I want to see him this Wed night


This isn't a settled custody, its the bare minimum. Why did you give up so much of your time with your son? Your wife isn't thinking clearly so increase your child support or even alimony in return for more custody. Sounds like she'll be easily convinced to give up parenting time for more alcohol $$.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Until you have n enforceable judgement on custody, you do not have it settled.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Until you have n enforceable judgement on custody, you do not have it settled.


We do. Signed and done. 

It was the most time I could get wherer we lived period. Unless she sleeps with goats or something. EOW and every Wed night plus all holidays excpet her B'day and mothers day and all summer every year and at age 6 on, he can decide who he wants to live with, no questions asked. 

Its a judge signed order and judgment. 

The last part was the kicker for me. In time he can decide with who he wants to stay and thats great.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well another day... Seem to be up and down alot lately. Crazy thing happened last night though. Ran across a old GF on FB and she is going thru divorce after 13 yrs. 

She tells me her story and basically my heart drops... She is of the same mindset as my STBXW and as I listen to her, I know how easy it would be to hook up with her because of how out her thinking is about her husband right now and all I could think was I feel so sorry for the poor guy. 

It sounds like he really loves her and the more he tries the more she could care less and see's him as pathetic... My mind flashes to how thats how my STBXW has been seeing all my attempts to work things out in marriage and make our relationship better... Thats sad.. 

Makes it alot easier to be NC after hearing the way she descibes his "pathetic" text... I rememeber when that was me trying anyway I could just to get my wife to respond and start any kind of discussions with me.. I feel really bad for the guy and know I won't be the old flame she leans on because with every word she spoke, I could hear the coldness in her words and how she has come to view a man that actually seems to be a good hsuband and father and just wanted his marriage to work and put the work in daily. Its crazy how she just sees this effort from him as nothing and actually turns her away from him... very sad... 

Speaking of my situation, I am suppose to get my son every Wed night and this weekend. Curious to see if that happens tonight. I know I am not going to contact her so we shall see as the day goes on, what happens... Dont want to not see my son tonight but damn sure dont want to contatc her AT ALL now..


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

If she is not there at the agreed upon time, by ALL MEANS contact her.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Contact her through text messages and emails so there is a written proof of her not showing up, if you do end up in court.


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Email (Not text)


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I am sorry for your situation.

Ex sounds like a crazy person.

I would document all nasty texts & phone calls. 

You may need them in the future.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

She text a min ago and ask what time I wanted her to bring him. All I answered back was "Whenever is fine". She text back "Whenever?" and I replied "Yep, earlier the better."

So we shall see. Just not getting into the cycle of back and fourth.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I would recommend giving her a time or a window of time.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I would recommend giving her a time or a window of time.


Your right. Just didnt want to get into issues or back and fourth. But now dont want to text her back to say a time either... lol


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Man... Today is so freakin tough.. Its our anniversary and she came to pick up our son this morning before work. Having him there and seeing her and today being our anniversary, it just all came back and I was feeling so well about myself and where I was going too..

Guess I am not as far as I thought, because this just sucks....


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

It's the anniversary of the adventurous detour you took. Without it, you would've never grown as much as you have as a person. Celebrate it in your mind.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

The hits just keep on coming.... 

Just received paperwork to sign for sale of our old house.. It showed her new address. My dumb ass googled it and its clear she is living with someone or her ex is giving her money.. 

The place is three times nicer than mine and I pay alot of rent and have a nice job. She has no job at all... 

So, even though I kicked her out a week or so ago, its obvious she had something going on to some extent and has had this place in line since before because she couldnt have done this with no money, and no job in one week... 


I am really screwed up right now... this hurts alot.. I guess its just another sign of reality that I was right all along which I already knew, but damn it hurts... Son of *****....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa,

What did you expect?

If you expected something different, why did you?


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Santa,
> 
> What did you expect?
> 
> If you expected something different, why did you?




No, you are right... 

I guess I just thought it would take more than a week for her to shack up or get someone to use like me... 

I am very upset right now and just want to go home....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> No, you are right...
> 
> I guess I just thought it would take more than a week for her to shack up or get someone to use like me...
> 
> I am very upset right now and just want to go home....


She was planning exactly this in the apartment leasing office.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Yep.... 


The reality of it hits hard... 

I guess the positive is, its just another sign I was right and did the right thing.. I just wish my heart would feel that way too...


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I need a big vodka and cranberry....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> Yep....
> 
> 
> The reality of it hits hard...
> ...


It will catch up.

Just stay @50,000 feet, keep posting, and read.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I cant even work right now... Honestly I am livid and cant stop pacing my office... I know I need to let it go.. 

Just a really hard ****ing day....I want to scream...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> I cant even work right now... Honestly I am livid and cant stop pacing my office... I know I need to let it go..
> 
> Just a really hard ****ing day....I want to scream...


If you aren't able to work, you need to take a deep breath and climb up to 50,000 feet.

Bracket this emotion and focus on what you need to be doing - not on her.

Focus on her is totally counterproductive and debilitating - as you are finding out.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Even though my gut knew this, this is alot to take today... I'm just really out of my head right now... angry,sad,angry,sad... ****


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> Even though my gut knew this, this is alot to take today... I'm just really out of my head right now... angry,sad,angry,sad... ****


If you have difficulty shaking it off, Synthetic has a line on some first-rate Canadian lumber.....


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I feel so used and angry but sad for my son that his own mother would do this... 

I should have known at the start... its my fault..


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> If you have difficulty shaking it off, Synthetic has a line on some first-rate Canadian lumber.....




I would so let each and every one of you smack me right now too... I am overwhelmed....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> I would so let each and every one of you smack me right now too... I am overwhelmed....


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I could eat my freakin way thru that right now....


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> I could eat my freakin way thru that right now....


Knock yourself out.

Most of these bear synthetic's DNA.

OVS gets honorable mention.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I feel like knocking something out, no doubt... 

I just honestly dont know what to do with these feelings..


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> I feel like knocking something out, no doubt...
> 
> I just honestly dont know what to do with these feelings..


Those you need to let go.

Did Brother Synthetic encourage you to read Anthony DeMello's "Awareness?"


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Did Brother Synthetic encourage you to read Anthony DeMello's "Awareness?"


No, I haven't heard of it..


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> No, I haven't heard of it..


Knock yourself out.

http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I will check it now..


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Santa said:


> Even though my gut knew this, this is alot to take today... I'm just really out of my head right now... angry,sad,angry,sad... ****


I think today is just one of these days....ugh....I know what you mean....


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well, new day and a little better attitude.. 

Have to see her again today for her to drop son off for weekend. Not looking forward to it and wish I never had to see her face again.. 


It really sucks to love an evil person.. lol


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> It really sucks to love an evil person.. lol


You won't be loving her much when you get back on track. Seeing her won't be an issue anymore.

You just gotta take your heart and time to other ladies who *might* deserve you. You never know. It's always a risk, but we already know your wife was a failed venture. Time to upgrade


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

synthetic said:


> You won't be loving her much when you get back on track. Seeing her won't be an issue anymore.
> 
> You just gotta take your heart and time to other ladies who *might* deserve you. You never know. It's always a risk, but we already know your wife was a failed venture. Time to upgrade



Very true. I live at the beach so there are plenty of opportunities not to mention leave for Vegas a week from today. It shall get better! Right now just dont feel like doing anything at all though. 

Even though I knew it was the right decision, there was a small part of me that thought she might see the light and magically transform into an actual loving wife.. 


Guess I had high expectations. I should have known if she cheated on the first husband, wasn't a wife to him at all and blamed him for all her faults, why would I expect anything different is beyond me. 


But thanks to everyone here for being there for me to talk to thru this. I do appreciate it! :smthumbup:


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well weekend went ok I guess. Enjoyed spenidng time with my son. Sucks to have to see her to drop him off and pick him up but I remained calm and civil. 

Just sucks because I find my mind wondering what she is doing if our son is with me. Who is she with, is she sleeping with them, etc.

I find myself going from confident and positive to sad and angry back and fourth.. its very confusing..


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Oh God this sucks ass.... Excuse my french.. 

When she was with me, I was hell bent on demanding better treatment and honesty or walking away. Not that she's gone without a second glance, I feel like a fool.... 

Now she is doing great apparently. In less than a week a new two story condo on the beach and utilities all on etc, without a job.

Now, after 2 months living with me and 'looking" for a job, within a week and a half she has two.. 


Her ex husband (that started this whole mess) will be here anyday to return my step daughter to my stbxw and I am sure he will be staying with her even though court order says he's not too. She will just lie to me, I'm sure. 


She has yet to have a conversation with me regarding plans for kids, etc. I am doing the 180 so I dont want to talk to her. 

This just sucks.... that is all...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

And your focus on her helps you in what way?


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I cant seem to focus on anything very long before it comes back to her. And as mean as she was now I find myself wanting her back..

This is so messed up.... 


I need a distraction because the longer the dark and distance between us, the more I find myself longing for her to come back even though I know thats not going to happen...

Jesus.... please help me out of this funk...


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Start lifting wieghts and go work out.

Join a club or volunteer

Dude, you you need to get out, keep telling your self "you diserve good things" every time those evil thought enter your mind.

Stay focus on the future especially the Vegas trip...I just got back and had a blast.

Stop letting this POS of a human being do this to you. You can be better then this. What you are seeing with regards to your STBXW is all fake...every bit of it the 2 story condo, the nice location...everything. Dude it won't last, this kind of person will go thru guy after guy and it will all be fake.

Don't you understand that these kind of poeple die alone in a trailer park with a house full of dogs and dog boo....only to be found dead by the postman b/c the stink is so bad?

Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts!


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Your right guy.. I appreciate the words and needed them. She has he ex staying at her condo this week. Luckily I leave for Vegas Friday. It cant get here soon enough.. 

She still is playing games with our son. She would rather take him 45 mins awy to stay with one of her GF's to stay all night, than let him stay with me right across the street from his school, while she works her new job.. 

That is unless thats a lie too and her ex husband is keeping him. If so, she wouldnt tell me, even though he is not suppose to. I wouldnt know for sure either way because I damn sure will not be checking or contacting her. Everytime I have about our son, she bascially refuses to tell me anything or answer any questions about him and I end up pissed off. So I just have to let go and see him EOW.. 

Just sucks...


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Just got back from 5 days in Vegas. Also reopened my FB page to get friends back in my life and stop sulking. 

My how things have changed!! Its a new day!!!


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well day two since back. Had to see her to sign some papers to sell house out of state and her pick up our son this morning. 

She is as mean as ever. Yelled and screamed and cursed in front of our 4 yr old. Basically pissed I went to Vegas even though it was for work.. 

Oh well! lol I love her still and would be willing to work on things if she could be honest but that isnt going to happen and with every day that passes I have more options and find myself not so lonely. 


Apparently there are lots of women that would be happy to spend time with me. So far, I have taken none up the offers because I am still not whole or healed but I have to admit it does make me feel better to know I have good market value! 

Yesterday was my birthday and got to spend it with my son. It was very nice actually. 


Funny I noticed last night is, with all the "Happy Bday" wishes from friends and family on FB, over 30 of them were ex GF's or even my first Ex wife. From ex's when I was a teenager all the way up until my ex GF from right before I married the last time. What struck me was, I have great relationships with ALL of them! We are all friends and they would do anything for me still. ALL of them, except my current STBXW.. 

It got me thinking, thats proof its not me!!


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why is your first ex-wife an ex-wife?


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

We knew each other 2 weeks and got married at courthouse at 18 yrs old. We were young and grew in different directions. She wanted to be a country girl and I was in radio and far from it. 

We are great friends. We just were too young to know who we were much less what we were doing or what forever meant. 

We have a great relationship though. She wasnt able to have kids and I wanting kids, so it worked out. In fact, she is a Godmother to my son now.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well had a great weekend with my son! Did all kinds of fun stuff. Had a frind from HS and his wife and two kids join us. The whole weekend was wonderful besides keeping an eye out for hurricane. 

That is UNTIL she came to pick our son last night... 


She shows up with a bad attitude and starts *****ing me out. I ask her twice to please dont talk to me that way because our son is crying and upset and not wanting to go with her. She continues to blame me for it when he just wants to stay longer. Typical 4 yr old. Her yelling makes him really upset and I thwe third time I say with a loud clear tone "I said, do not talk to me that way in front of our son!" 

She really gets pissed now and goes off full throttle! Storms out without son and phone in hand saying she is calling police. (She always throws that out there to intimidate and bully me when she is pissed off) 

SO, I call police! First time I have ever done that too. I just ask for some officers to come out to keep the peace during exchange. I hate it because my son is really upset at this point and hate him have to see police involved with mom and me period. 

Still, wasnt going to fall for the same crap as before. While waiting for police, in the process of cursing and yelling she says she has a restraining order and I am going to jail.... 

Of course I have not been served with anything and besides there is no legit reason because I hadvn't done anything but stay dark besides basic info about our son and storm plans for hurricane to make sure we are on same page. But of course she hasnt said anything about restraining order because there is no real threat, just a tactic she has used in past to bully me. 

Anyway, the police show up. We exchange our son and she is livid of course. I hate it but I am not letting her dictate, bully or intimidate me with threats anymore. I pray that this ends it but I worry knowing her, the backlash is coming. She can be evil and relentless . 


I guess I will be served at some point about the restraining order and thats fine. We will go to court and she has nothing at all that warrants the restraining order, so I cant imagine it will stick. She just wants it to use to threaten me into sumbmission and dictate everything. Not going to happen. 


Other than that, I had a great weekend with son, it looks like worst of hurricane may pass us by here and I am in a great mood with plenty of great options. Hopefully she will calm down and start handling more civil and drop all the threats of calling police everytime she gets pissed off or disagrees. 


Freaking crazy...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Start meeting at McDonald's or some other public place to make the exchanges.


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

What a piece of sh1t cheating mother.

Tell her you will be on the lookout for her slightest slip-up and putting her shameless ass in jail as soon as you get a chance.

Make her rethink everything she does.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

synthetic said:


> What a piece of sh1t cheating mother.
> 
> Tell her you will be on the lookout for her slightest slip-up and putting her shameless ass in jail as soon as you get a chance.
> 
> Make her rethink everything she does.




I hate to be that way because its just not me. She is the mother of my son and always will be, but she has shown in the past she will in a new york min and look for any reason to. She uses threats of police to bully and control me. Or rather she did in past. Not happening anymore. If she threatens to call police, I will call them, just like last night. 

I pray that this is the end of that fake drama with me calling them and using the nuclear approach for peace.. 

I hope...


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

So what is her life like these days? Money and romance-wise.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

synthetic said:


> So what is her life like these days? Money and romance-wise.


Have no idea really. I know she is bartending at a Marina and living in a two story condo by the beach a few miles away. 

Other than that, I dont ask and she doesnt say. 

When it looked like we would take a direct hit from the hurricane, I offered to help her and kids evacuate and pay for hotel rooms, etc. to be safe. She refused and said she had it all under control and wouldnt say where my son would be thru the hurricane. 
I just wanted us to be on the same page as far as evacuations and safety go. When she made it clear she wasnt telling me what she was doing or where she was going and had it all taken care of, I didnt ask anymore. 


Now its looking like we are out of the cone for the hurricane although we may still get some bad weather from it. So my concern and worry for safety is less of an issue. 

I dont ask and at this point dont care.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

synthetic said:


> So what is her life like these days? Money and romance-wise.


Sounds like she's on her back much of the time.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Sounds like she's on her back much of the time.


I wouldnt doubt it. She was suppose to get off work at 8:00pm last night and pick up son but she didnt make it until 10:30pm..

Sure she is fishing for the next meal ticket... 

In fact, when she dropped our 4 yr old son off Friday. The first thing he said was "Daddy, mama being bad bad". I ask him "what?". He said "Mama being bad with big boys laughing".


Sucks to have your four year old say that to you, but I am sure thats another reason for the restraining order she tried to file. Trying to make sure I dont mess up her game. Funny thing is, I could care less about what shes doing now. I love her but her nonstop actions are clear proof she isnt worth the effort and I deserve much better. I just want to fast forward to my son doesnt have to see and deal with this crap anymore.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Well made it thru the storm alright and back at home. 

Hadnt heard much from her since calling the cops on her Sun. She did send some random crazy text asking who was (insert girls name) and of course there is no other girl and what does it matter to her anyway, so I just didnt respond. 

Other than that, things are good!


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Friday! Glad to have football back on TV! A great way of feeling like you are doing something while doing nothing and spending no money! lol 

Not much contact with STBXW except for yesterday. She text wanting to get the other $250 of child support she didnt get earlier this week because we were all evacuated because of storm. 

I text her back I would leave it under doormat and she could pick up whenever. 

Other than that, things are a trip. Tons of girls all vying for my attention. Mostly middle aged divorcee's that come across as really dedsperate. They literally beg to come have sex and send naked pics. etc. Of course, I am not there yet. Like a dumbass I still love my wife and until I can get all that poison out of my system, I porefer not to complicate things further. Besides they come across as having alot of baggage and issues themselves and are just looking for "a guy" to make it all better. 

Not doing that.. 

So, I look forward to watching some football and doing alot of nothing this weekend. Maybe go to beach for a bit. 

Try to keep busy and focus on me.. Its still hard but getting easier everyday...


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

GRRRRRREAT WEEKEND!!!!
Starting to feel like my old self again and not the whipped little boy, I had allowed myself to become being so in love and ran over like a doormat. Feels good to have fun and smile again! 


I swear the STBXW can sniff out my happiness like a dead carcuss in the desert. She has been blowing up my phone. I have just been ignoring it and being happy instead of sucked back into that game of emotional "whack a mole" with her. 

Got to love the life that we living!


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

UPDATE: 

Like sand in the hour glass.... lmao

So the STBXW comes by to drop off our son last night, except she wants to "talk".... I ask what she needs. She wants us to start "dating".... I'm like WTF? 


Seems she can smell my new found happiness and confidence.

I kinda laugh because I know my market value is alot higher than I thought it was and she is the one that gave up her leverage
as wife and now she wants to compete with the other women who are all auditioning for my time, and they seem to be ALOT more interested in my happiness and needs than she ever was. 

I didnt give her a yes or no. I just smiled and said "hats something to think about." She said "Well, I thought you would be really happy!"... 

She text several times asking me to come over and stay with her last night. I didnt respond. 

Then this morning when she came to pick our son back up, she was dressed extra sexy and looking good....lmao.


Now, I have am debating the next step for me.... Feels good to have options.



Any advice on how to proceed will be appreciated greatly!


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Another success story based on the synthetic 10 step program for former doormats.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa,

I would imagine she's hellfire in the sack, isn't she?


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Another cheating walkaway wife gets to face the sh1tstorm SHE created herself.

And this happened ONLY after the left-behind husband started to truly move-on. It almost never fails.




> Any advice on how to proceed will be appreciated greatly!


Well, you haven't indicated if she's being remorseful or not. If she's not sobbing, begging for forgiveness, then consider the following:

She cheated on you. Another man's penis entered her vagina while she was married to you. How often do you think you will be visualizing just that if you start dating her?

The usual script for cheated husbands goes like this: You feel empowered by her come-back, so you decide to go ahead with dating her. You bang her like a rabbit for about a month or two (lots and lots of sex), then you realize she's not as 'dear' to you as she used to be.

Then the resentments surface and you will most likely end up dumping her.

It's your call. Give it some thought.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yeah, stay the hell away


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Santa,
> 
> I would imagine she's hellfire in the sack, isn't she?




Yes! lmao

The best ever by far and I have been with a few, just saying. 

The best ever and crazy as a football bat. lmao


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Another cheating walkaway wife gets to face the sh1tstorm SHE created herself.
> 
> And this happened ONLY after the left-behind husband started to truly move-on. It almost never fails.
> 
> ...





I honestly dont think she can compete with the other girls vying for my attention to be honest... 


She showed no remorse at all really. More like "ok lets try this again because I notice you are really happy and girls are after you".. 

She wanted me to come spend the night last night and I refused. She showed up this morning looking sexy as hell and I proceeded to not give a f*ck. 


These things would have got me reeled in before.. 

Truth is, I am happy.. My life is really good right now. I have people that want to make me happy and have fun with me. 

For her to show me she is serious, it will take more than this. 

I love her still but I also know how she has treated me and I deserve better and can have better! If she wants this, she is going to have to do a 180 herself and show me. 

I got 99 problems but a b*tch aint one!!


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Santa said:


> Yes! lmao
> 
> The best ever by far and I have been with a few, just saying.
> 
> The best ever and crazy as a football bat. lmao


Man to man?

I would do it.

The circumstances surrounding both of you are as tempestuously passionate as you can imagine.

I would also tell myself that this changes nothing and we're likely headed for divorce anyway. And, I'd use protection.

All is fair in love and war.

You know she's going to ask you for money when it's over. You just smile and tell her the best things in life are free.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ugh, seriously conrad, don't think with your ****, use your mind

even if Santa is capable of "just a fun romp" is it seriously worth the ag and drama he will most likely get afterward?

detach detach detach, get her out of your life in every aspect possible (children the exception of course)


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Excellent!

If you stick to your guns, I can't imagine why you would ever let her back into your life after all the hurt she has caused.

Stay the course. There's more contentment and empowerment around the corner. Don't settle for the little amount you've seen so far.

The world is yours.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> ugh, seriously conrad, don't think with your ****, use your mind
> 
> even if Santa is capable of "just a fun romp" is it seriously worth the ag and drama he will most likely get afterward?
> 
> detach detach detach, get her out of your life in every aspect possible (children the exception of course)


Perhaps he needs to observe what happens after to close this door for good.

He's been seriously conflicted.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Perhaps he needs to observe what happens after to close this door for good.
> 
> He's been seriously conflicted.


If my son kept touching the stove I wouldn't let him burn himself to get the message


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

She's texting now asking to do something tonight after work...(crickets)


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"sorry, have a date"


(okay don't do that, but it would be fun)


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I do have plans... to get a haircut, go home grill some chicken and watch football! lmao


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Santa said:


> I do have plans... to get a haircut, go home grill some chicken and watch football! lmao


This is what you tell her:

"Got some stuff to do tonight. Maybe some other day"

Don't say "Sorry" anywhere in your response. You're not sorry.


----------



## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

Santa said:


> I got 99 problems but a b*tch aint one!!


I love this! Did you make it up? This could be a bumper sticker. It probably already is.

Anyway, any updates. Did you tell her to take a hike, or give it another chance? How long ago did she separate from you anyway?


----------

