# Strange thoughts on my mind...



## ThreeB (Mar 5, 2012)

Hello everyone,

Me and my girlfriend are living together for quite some time now. We are an interesting couple because I just recently moved to USA while she was born here, she is African american and I was born in Europe but originated in middle east. On top of that she is 32 and I am 26.

We have our arguments and small fights as everyone else, but we love each other and are very comfortable living together. 

The only problem that recently became a source of stress for both of us is sex. She has much lower sex drive than me. I was ok for some time because although I would perfectly want sex every 2-3 days, I decided to not press on her and stick to sex 1-2 a week. But then, we went through some sort of loop hole and now we barely have sex once a week.....we had it 3 times in the last 4 weeks at its best.....

I spoke with her, trying to find out a reason, and she says that it is stress, from Graduate school, some minor family problems...plus recently she discovered that her boyfriend of 7 years got married and has two kids (they haven't seen each other for 5 years) so it also added drama, because she saw that his life was fine all along, while she, her life was in ruins and she barely enjoy life until she met me. And still she is worried that because I am not from here and that I am not fully satisfied in bed - I will leave her. And I have to constantly tell her and show her that I am here to stay and that I want to be with her no matter what.

So I can understand why she feels they way she does and I am trying to be as supportive as possible. But recently it's became very hard. The stress from work and sexual tension that I have is too much for me sometimes. I tried to speak to her but it came out wrong and I ended up calming her down. 

With all the pressure I start getting thoughts on my mind, and I don't know if it is normal or even reasonable....I start feeling that she is not fair with me.... I am doing everything I can to be there for you, I am working hard to make sure she is exposed to minimum of stress and she always has me to support her and for that I am left unsatisfied at least in bed....

I know how her previous guys been treating her and I know that their sexual life was fine....and that makes me angry....I am getting out of my way to be the best boyfriend she ever had and in return I am getting less than her ex-s. 

Additionally she thinks that after weeks of not having sex I will be fine with one "run". She is becoming very sensitive after orgasm and rarely can continue. While I feel like I need more and more because I have to wait more and more every time....and the tension builds up....

I'm sharing all of this here because I don't want to lose her because of this...we've been talking about future and kids for some time now, but I am afraid that I won't handle another 3-4 months like this.....I need to find a way to explain her how it feels on my end and find a way for both of us to work it out. I feel that this is already damaging our relationships because I start feeling distant from her....with all the thoughts like I mentioned on my mind and knowing that sex is becoming an issue I start feeling less and less positive about sex...almost like I hate it that I need it.....

I am very conflicted right now and I will be glad to read thoughts from both sides to see what I can do to improve the situation.....


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## ThreeB (Mar 5, 2012)

Also just as an addition - I know that she enjoys our sex life a lot....she is happy and satisfied but I know that seeing my unsatisfied also adds stress to her. For that reason we have an agreement that we don't have sex out of obligation and that I want her to enjoy sex and want it and not being just a doll for me to satisfy my hunger...

and this partially backfired, because I was initiator and she liked it, I liked it because I was trying to be nice, but now I can be there waiting for her to come to me and there will always be something...stress....bad mood....fatigue...always a reason....


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## Alittlefunnnn (Jan 11, 2012)

ThreeB said:


> Also just as an addition - I know that she enjoys our sex life a lot....she is happy and satisfied but I know that seeing my unsatisfied also adds stress to her. For that reason we have an agreement that we don't have sex out of obligation and that I want her to enjoy sex and want it and not being just a doll for me to satisfy my hunger...
> 
> and this partially backfired, because I was initiator and she liked it, I liked it because I was trying to be nice, but now I can be there waiting for her to come to me and there will always be something...stress....bad mood....fatigue...always a reason....


Sex is part of the deal in a relationship. If you hold up your end of the relationship then she should do the same and she should be HAPPY to do so. Something else is going on. The fact that you are waiting around for scraps of sex and then she feels entitled to make you wait does not show that she cares for how you feel as much as you do for how she feels. 

If it's like this now, wait until you add the stress of parenthood. Think it will get better then? Doubt it. You guys are stuck somewhere right now and you need to break out of that rut before it's broken for you.


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## ThreeB (Mar 5, 2012)

Alittlefunnnn said:


> Sex is part of the deal in a relationship. If you hold up your end of the relationship then she should do the same and she should be HAPPY to do so. Something else is going on. The fact that you are waiting around for scraps of sex and then she feels entitled to make you wait does not show that she cares for how you feel as much as you do for how she feels.
> 
> If it's like this now, wait until you add the stress of parenthood. Think it will get better then? Doubt it. You guys are stuck somewhere right now and you need to break out of that rut before it's broken for you.


I thought of that. 

I know that she is not cheating. I am sure that she finds me sexually attractive. And thanks to mother nature and 16 years of sports I am shaped nicely, 6'2" height, athletic build and everything...

What is affecting her, besides the stress that she claims is the main reason - is either her past...that she is still getting over. Or, what I didn't mention initially - her trauma. The girl was raped when she was 14. Add the father that left family when she was 2 and mother who raised her well and provided her with everything, but never expressed her love in physical form like hugs or kisses. 

So I see why she might not particularly like physical contact, but she got over it. 

I just don't want to be jerk with her, and I guess I am waiting for her to make a move in return to the way I treat her, while she simply accepts, thinking that I am ok with the way things are going. And it is like this back and forth. I was explicit enough about the way I feel and yet still sometimes shes backs into her own state.


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