# Where to begin



## ruby25 (Jun 24, 2012)

Long story short. I have been married for 12 years. I had intense relationship with a female coworker. My husband was accepting and planned to move on. Things have gotten very blurred. She has become far to needy and compromised my sanity and integrity both personal and professional. I still have crazy feelings for her(through mania and insanity) and my husband (nicest yet most complacent ever) will wait in the wings awaiting my word. I am so lost and confused.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Whose mania? Whose insanity?

And why are you making this guy wait around if you are still in love with La Loca?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

ruby25 said:


> I still have crazy feelings for her(through mania and insanity)...


"A woman's ability to inspire passion is directly correlated to her level of insanity."


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

well, Drover, I found that true in high school and college, and boy, was it ever annoying to those of us who weren't unstable!

It has changed since then, though. I find that older men don't have much patience for crazy. Thank goodness.


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## ruby25 (Jun 24, 2012)

the woman i cheated with is nutty but in a strange way im unable to just see it for what it as and instead see it as commitment. I have never cheated and never been with a woman so I guess there are a number of factors at play.
As far as my husband sticking around, I have given him every opt out and been honest but he is standing firm on hope. We lost our communication and connection years before all this but he wants to try again. Is it possible to get that back?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Why even question whether you can "get that back"? You are not in the right frame of mind to even go there. 

How about get your own sh*t together, THEN decide which direction you want your life to take. In the meantime, I'd divorce him whether he likes it or not. I'd let him GO. If you reconnect in the future, great. But I'd tell him you have no idea what you want or what your future looks like, and that you refused to be tied to him (take the hit.... it's your mess anyway) while you "find yourself" and that he should be free to move on, because you don't know where you will end up.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

I think you are lost, you have no idea what you want. As another poster said you need to work on you first.

You need to figure out what has lead you to cheat. What things are you not happy with, what is you need to be happy? What is it your are not getting out of your relationship?

Also, this relationship you now have...are you just sexually attracted to both males/females? Or are you thinking that you're more into women than men? Also for many women who end up sleeping with other women they tend to it because one of their emotional/physicals needs is met than a typical men can't fill, not because they are sexually attracted to them. So I guess you should figure you need this other woman, what does she give you that your husband doesn't.

I think it's a bit unfair for your husband to be sticking around, clearly he does love you, but you need to be honest with him. I typically believe that people already know if they can make it work with their SO, I guess it comes down to what do you really feel in your heart? Is it love or is it that need for someone to be there for you when no one else is around? You may be keeping him just a "back-up". You need to be honest to yourself, and if you don't know what you want than you start working on it, take some time to re-find yourself, take some time to write down what makes you happy and what doesn't. Pick up a hobby and just reconnect with who you are.

I would file for a divorce so neither of you are wasting time, it doens't seem like you want him around for the right reasons. If you really want to try with him, I would date, like you did at the beginning, and see where it goes, otherwise just let him go, let him have a chance of finding true happiness.

Take some time to find what your needs are. I wish you best of luck 



You need to get to the core and figure


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