# New and Need Help!!!



## maligator01 (Dec 24, 2007)

New to the forum and hope for any advice I can get. 

My husband and I have been married for 3 years, together for 8. Everyone always said it didn't seem like we got along.

I have always had self esteem issues and tend to be a very self critical perfectionist. I have also always gravitated towards men who aren't very kind to me...

That said, I am currently attempting to leave my husband. He has always had severe jealousy issues...going so far as to drive by my office at night if I have to work late or park down the street to keep an eye on me. I would grab a drink with one of my girlfriends after work and we would catch him driving by to make sure I was doing what I said I was. I never gave him any reason to think I was not trustworthy. That's just his nature. He often says things like "Women can't be trusted.." etc etc. 

On a daily basis, he interrogates me...saying things like "Why are you wearing makeup? Who are you getting so dressed up for? or Why did you change your underwear?" I now wear sweats and a T-shirt nearly everywhere I go, have gained 40lbs and never wear makeup. Completely opposite from when we first met. 

He also doesn't allow me to hang out with friends, making me feel like all of my friends are worthless and out to get me. 

In addition to all of this, he is verbally abusive. He often tells me I am mentally unstable, I am a complete mess and he finds himself trying to "teach me lessons" about things such as finances, taking care of cars etc. He threatens our pets (my dogs are the love of my life...NOT my husband), once saying he was going to let them rot in their own feces and die of disease. He threatens to leave me daily. 

I am the breadwinner in the relationship, working 2 jobs at 14 hours per day 7 days a week to make ends meet. He makes 1/3 my salary and when money gets tight, he says "Well I guess you just have to work harder then..." and in the next breath, *****es that I don't spend any time with him...

The other day, I had had it...he threatened me with divorce and I called his bluff. I told him I was leaving and immediately made plans to rent a house and move out. Since then, he has run through every emotion, from anger to tears. 

Here is the kicker. Today, he came by my work and left a 3 page letter on my car windshield with roses. The letter explained how he knew he was in the wrong and how he is so sorry for being such an awful husband. He said he was doing a lot of soul searching (I have been gone 1 day), and reading articles online and realized that the way he talked to me was abusive and he was going to work on it. He went on to say we needed to be a team and he loved me with all of his heart etc etc. This is everthing I wanted to hear from him but at this point, I don't know if I believe it...I am torn. I feel guilty and am terrified of being alone. 

What do I do? Give him another shot. Stick to it and leave? HELP! :slap:

P.S. We have already been to marriage counseling. He lasted 3 sessions.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

The soul searching he does will help him....IN THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP.

DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. The mean to nice is a part of verbal abuse. Same can be said of the divorce talk, threatening the pets and stalking you.

Get back to yourself, dress up, wear make-up and go to the gym. You are secure with the money you make so you can move on without having to look back.

PLEASE..remember this with the next guy, go for the best person not one that you think you can save or change.

draconis


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## maligator01 (Dec 24, 2007)

Great Advice...Truly appreciated...


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