# Please help any advice would be welcome!!



## Jaden0413 (Mar 17, 2013)

Well where do I start. My wife and I knew each other 16 years prior to us getting married but we had minimal contact during that time. I got married and had a kid with my now X wife. I have been divorced for about 3 years and I decided to talk to my now wife Julie and things just seemed to fall into place. We have been married for a little over a year. A little back info Julie never thought she would never find someone like me, so she never wanted to get married didn't want kids or anything like that. Things were fantastic at the start, but stress from the X and child seemed to take over all our conversations, plain and simple we forgot how to have fun with each other and let it steam role our relationship. On top of that my wife's friends didn't like that Julie wasn't available at all hours like she was before, so that started a lot of problems. When we got married, Julie wanted to move out of "my" house and into our house. Because of my insecurities about my previous marriage, I was worried to move into a house and a situation that I couldn't afford on my own, so we fought about it constantly. We tried painting the old house and everything but nothing worked so we ended up moving into a new place. Julie wanted a complete re haul , wanting to change out my furniture and everything....it was a fight but I finally agreed. I knew it was for the best but I was scared. Over the next couple months the fights about her friends continued and during this time I was not the person that I should have been. When we were dating I knew that there was no better person for her then me and I knew that she wanted to travel and be a gypsy. 
To make a long story long...last week she told me that she needed to be free. I know that she is very hurt and guarded and was before our relationship. I admit that I heard her but didn't listen. She has stayed at her sisters house for a week and at first I tried the whole ignoring her and all that but it didn't feel right to me and made things really awkward when she did stop in. I realized that this time was given to me to fix my issues and insecurities. I have been doing alot of reflections and giving her the space that she requested. She says she loves me and only me but needs to be herself. I may not have been the typical controller, but I was so afraid of loosing her that I didn't realize how bad I was actually pushing her away and hurting her. This week is torture but I am finally able to change and let go of all the fear and anger that I couldn't do before and I really hope that she comes back.
Friday she came to pick up some more clothes....I was able to talk to her and tell her that i understood and take responsibility for my actions and she seemed very receptive. She was shocked that I wasn't falling to peices like I was doing when she needed her space to figure things out. I know that she is very hurt and afraid and angry, and I can just realize my mistakes and fix me for me and not just to get her back. Our lease is up in 2 months and she left at the start of the weekend for her family's bday party. the next morning she sent me house rental listings that I couldn't afford without her, so the optimistic part of me wants to think that she may be thinking of coming back and making this work, but doesn't know if this change in me is real or just because she left. My friends say I should just give up and move on and giver her an ultimatum to come back, but I don't think that would help things. right now I am just respecting her wishes for space and seeing what happens. Any thoughts?


----------



## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Hi. welcome to TAM. Sucks to be here, but once your in "that" position it's a great place to be.

How long were you together pre marriage?

Is it fair to say you have allowed your past marriage to impact n this one. I don't mean sensible learning from past mistakes but instead a fearful reaction to "what if". Are you punishing her for the problems with your X?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Jaden*: I'm greatly thinking that she, only after having mulled the possibility of being ultimately married to you, along with her having subjected herself to her rather lengthy single lifestyle, only after having initially lost you over to your first wife, has in reality been single for so long that she is greatly afraid to lose that status now.

Having little to no consideration for your financial status, I think that it may be a latent blessing to you that she wants out so suddenly.

Grant her that freedom! After all, you deserve someone who will love you for the man that you are and not for what they erroneously think that you may be able to financially provide for them! Go~ and feel liberated!


----------



## Jaden0413 (Mar 17, 2013)

K.C. said:


> Hi. welcome to TAM. Sucks to be here, but once your in "that" position it's a great place to be.
> 
> How long were you together pre marriage?
> 
> Is it fair to say you have allowed your past marriage to impact n this one. I don't mean sensible learning from past mistakes but instead a fearful reaction to "what if". Are you punishing her for the problems with your X?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jaden0413 (Mar 17, 2013)

We were only together for about 6 months before we decided to get married. I know we jumped into it and now almost it's like we have to go back in order to move forward. I would say that I did push her with the fears and tribulations of my previous marriage and this time way shown me near my way. I was so fearfull of loosing her and did not hear what she was really saying. I need to give her the respect of her space and work on myself and hope that Someday things might change.the hardest part is not realizing how much I hurt her and ask if she must be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

