# New Member. Marriage Struggles.



## TLD! (Apr 11, 2019)

Hi. I guess I’m supposed to introduce myself first. I’m a female in my 40’s. Married almost 20 years. Our marriage has been a struggle from day 1, yet here we are, still together, two great kids later, a very nice home and what looks to be a picture perfect life on the outside looking in. However, it’s not. My husbands idea of fighting includes days of the silent treatment. No matter what I say, even apologizing just to let things go, he still won’t talk to me. The reasons are always very trivial too. I’m a stay at home mom. I’m not a partier. I’m not a drinke....although I will drink on rare occasions - red wine. I take care of myself. I’m usually easy going. My kids adore me. The kids and I are very close. I keep the house, run the errands, pay the bills, and do most of what a stay at home mom would do. 

My husband is in the road a lot. He’s the typical Type A personality. He’s very smart, very driven, very opinionated, very disciplined, has lots of advice to give and is usually right. (Or likes to think he is). He is a high ranking professional that gets lots of respect from his employees and they all seem to love him. When he comes home, sadly, the kids dread it, I kind of dread it, he ends up drinking too much, we end up arguing, and we all avoid him. Then he gets upset with us for not acting as receptive and loving when he walks through the door. My kids have their friends over on the weekends, as this is the only time that they can. They have school during the week. I don’t mind at all. My husband doesn’t mind sometimes, but he wants the weekends to be family time. Although I understand that he travels a lot and likes to rest when he’s home, our kids are teens. We are fortunate that all of their friends love coming to our home. They are safe here. I’d rather them all be here than our kids somewhere else where we can’t monitor what they are doing. 

So my husband is currently mad at me....and I’m not sure exactly why. I want to say it’s because I allow the kids friends to come over too often. I’m guessing it’s because I take a lot of time with our kids regarding their school needs, activities, projects, etc....and don’t spend enough time with my husband. I know that he loves me. He loves his family very much. On the other hand, his tantrums are ridiculous and his drinking on the weekends is out of control. We avoid him out of fear of backlash....not physical....never physical....but verbal....arguing or embarrassment. Or he just gets overly annoyoying. He sometimes blames me that he doesn’t have a better relationship with our kids. 

My question is....should I feel at all fault for that? It is not my fault that my kids avoid him. They are scared to even ask him for anything in fear that the answer will be no. They don’t want him picking them up from school ever. They don’t want to go anywhere with him if he asks. It’s very sad actually. How is that my fault though? It’s his own personality, his know-it-all attitude, his drinking rants and criticisms that make them feel this way. Plus one minute he’s telling me how amazing I am, the next minute he’s telling me how I could better myself. It’s so frustrating! We’re going on day 3 of him out of town, not returning my calls and not texting me back. And no, I don’t think he’s having an affair.


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