# Can anyone tell me how a key logger works?



## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

My husband put up a new password on his computer a couple days ago and he won't tell me the password. Very suspicious. He also has been deleting his computer history and myspace messages. I don't think he would be doing this if he didn't have something to hide. I don't normally snoop into his things except when he's acting like he has something to hide. 

He is very computer saavy (works with them all day as his job) and I am worried that if I got a key logger or something similar he would find it. Does anyone have any experience with this? Any advice?

NOTE: I know he couldn't possibly have a physical affair, he has absolutely no time to and no way to, but something is going on. Maybe an emotional affair. There were a few drafts of myspace messages that he didn't think to delete last weekend and in one of them he wrote to one of his friends that he thinks he wants a divorce. Yet when I ask him about it he won't ever say that to me, so I want to know what he's hiding. I also know he's been talking a lot to an ex-girlfriend of his which really pisses me off. He deletes any of those messages that he doesn't want me to read.


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

Before I answer your question, have you tried confronting and talking to him? He may not tell you everything, but a lot about the way he is thinking can be revealed in how he answers the questions.

Also your statement:_



I know he couldn't possibly have a physical affair, he has absolutely no time to and no way to,

Click to expand...

_I had thought that, too. I was SHOCKED to find out that he did have a physical affair, I hope that you are right.

Now, keyloggers. Keyloggers are spyware. They install deep in the background and take up a very small space on a computer. The more expensive, the harder to detect. Firewalls tend to inhibit them, so if it's a work computer, it may not work. Some you can send through an email and it will install upon opening, unnoticed.

Once installed, it will send you screenshots to an email address of everything that was viewed or typed. I didn't do it because it was his work computer and therefore illegal. 

You can also do a lot with GPS tracking devices, VORs and such. Welcome to the dark side.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

But can he detect it? I guess that's my main question. Like I said, he works with computers 24/7 and if he were to find it he would be PISSED. 

Yes, I have tried talking to him. He knows I have read his myspace messages, he knows I have looked in his computer history. So instead of him not talking to his ex any more like I asked him to he just started deleting the messages (unfortunately for him, he doesn't know I have his myspace password so I can check things from work and see messages before he deletes them). So talking to him doesn't make him stop doing anything, it just makes him hide it better. 

I am positive he has no way currently to have a physical affair. We have a 5 month old baby and he watches her the minute he gets off work until I get home. We are together on all our days off and he doesn't even work with any females. Also his boss who sits right next to him in his office is someone I totally trust and he definitely believes in marriage and would kill my husband if he ever even thought something was going on. He's the husband I'd like my husband to be. LOL. 

He could've easily had an affair before I had the baby though, so I won't discount that. He would get off work at 5 pm and I would get off work at 9 pm every day. Plenty of time to get into trouble.


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

The better quality, the less detectible.

Another way to go is plant a VOR in his car, to see if he is chatting on the phone to and from work. That was a key component to my husband's emotional affair, that turned to a physical one. 

You have new baby, that's wonderful, but a stressful time for both of you. Keep trying to talk to him and you should look at doing some reading on emotional affairs. One great book is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Another great book about communication is "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" by John Gottman. 

Also, suggest marriage counselling, in a non-confrontational way. Tell him that if the baby was sick you wouldn't hesitate to go to a doctor, well the marriage is sick and at the very least we can try to salvage something if only to be able to co-parent separately. 

I did get my husband to counselling using the logic that we should at least try to save the friendship, if not the marriage.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

I pay the phone bill so I already see all of his phone records. LOL. Nothing there.

He did agree to counselling, unfortunately we have neither the time or the money and we can't really agree on what kind. I want to go see the Chaplain at my church and get counselling from them but he wants to go see a therapist. I am very slightly willing to see a therapist but think it's bogus that he won't go see the Chaplain at my church with me (which is free). I also would have to be the one to do all the research and find someone to do the counselling (if we see a therapist) as he won't do it (he would but I'd have to make him so I might as well do it myself). I work about 50 hours a week and I have a new baby. I also do a lot of the cleaning and do all the cooking on my days off. So finding the time...not so much. I will try to check out those books though...


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

I worried about the money, the house, the kids etc. etc. etc. I didn't worry about the one thing that meant the most to me: my marriage. All of that other stuff should have fallen away because now I have money, my kids are older and what am I doing? I am alone watching tv, posting here. I never chose my marriage so he made all the choices for me. I used to think I never got a say but in actuality I never made my voice heard. Check with his work insurance for counselling options such as an employee assistance plan or coverage through extended benefits. Check with your local social services, there are therapists who work on a sliding scale to accomodate various incomes.

Finally, look into Retrouvaille, it's a marriage-building weekend, they only ask for a donation but it's not mandatory. It is run by the catholic church but it is NOT religious and it is open to everyone. Google it to find a location near you. 

He said he is willing to go to therapy, take him up on it.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

That was some great advice. Thanks. I checked out Retrouvaille and it looks pretty cool. I have to contact the local branch and see if they're doing any weekends. I will persist on the marriage counselling as much as possible.


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

Good! I'm glad to hear it. I understand why your husband might not want to go see a religious figure. You want to be on your best behaviour in church and if he has done something he's not proud of he may be more worried to say it. Keep looking for someone. I really wish I had found Retrouvaille before it was too late, I hope it works out for you!!! Keep fighting for your marriage, you won't regret it, no matter how it turns out.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

The biggest problem that I see with key loggers is that if he is really as tech savy as you say he is, my guess is one is already installed on your computer. Yours will see his, but his will also see yours. I guess it would sort of leave you in the position of that "if you like pina coladas" song with each of you having to awkwardly explain your actions to the other. In retrospect, that may not be such a bad thing. I installed one on my computer last year, after a neighbor's wife placed a "special" visit to my clinic. My advice to you is be very careful what you want to find out. Sometimes the truth hurts, and not all wounds are not quick to heal. If you would divorce him if you knew he was cheating on you, then by all means spend the 70 bucks and install the logger. If you would want to try to "work it out" with him regardless, then try to work it out without the key logger. In my opinion, it would have been a lot easier to "heal" without having the burden of my spouse's affair on my soul.


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## goodgirlGB (Sep 19, 2009)

I don't know about keyloggers and other tracking/snooping devices...but I would like to say Mae, that you seem somewhat naive when you say that he has no way or time to cheat...i'm sorry, but he does. where's his boss who sits right next to him when he's on myspace??? affairs, esp physical don't take that much time. take it from me, unfortunately i know it from both sides and i used to make the same comments about my husband who worked 60-70hrs/week (and I had the direct deposit checks to prove it), we had shared cell phone bills, and four kids @ home and he went no where but work, home, and family stuff and he found the time to have multiple affairs. i'm not saying this is the case with your husband and for the sake of your marriage, i hope it's not, but please be realistic with yourself.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

Goodgirl, I'm really curious, when did he have the time to have these affairs? I don't think I'm being "naive" but maybe there's something I don't know. 

He can go on myspace while he's at home watching our daughter (he works on a military base so he can't go on myspace from work, he can't even check his yahoo email from there). He can't have an affair while watching our baby at home.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

Lastinline, I would work it out with him depending on when it was. If it was while he was out at sea for almost a year, I would forgive him. If it was since he was back, I would say "see ya!" and not look back. This is if it was a physical affair. With an emotional affair, we could work through that. 

The point is, I don't want him hiding anything from me or lying to me or we'll never be able to repair anything. I'm not afraid of finding out anything. Hell yeah it would hurt but trust me, I've been hurt much worse before.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

The biggest reason I started this thread was I wanted to know how to do it in such a way that my husband couldn't detect it. Does anyone know of a specific one that would be extremely difficult to detect? 

PS: I think it would be really funny if he already had a key logger installed. I wouldn't be mad because I have nothing to hide! LOL.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Another you might consider. I used a keylogger, but my wife seldom used the computer. She did however use her blackberry a lot. I installed a smstext forwarder onto it; so you get every sent and recieved text message. I logged onto the online account and set up a auto bcc and email forwarding to my email address (as well as copied all the phone logs, and text message logs). So I also got every email she sent out. I found out she deleted a lot and lied constantly.

Also, for the blackberry, you can back it up without needing the password. There is another program that can translate the backup on your computer... didn't try that one though so I've got no idea what it ends up with.

I did make a huge mistake though. After finding a lot, but nothing absolutely conclusive, I confronted her. She denied everything, so then I showed her my printouts of her correspondence. So she learned how I did it, and has since changed how she communicates to avoid my detection.


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