# He just couldn't do it



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I just got out of a skype session with my counsellor who did a few sessions of MC with stbxh and I. Her take on things, very simply, was that he was not capable of the kind of emotional interaction necessary for relationship. She had not doubt that he WANTED to be close, but just couldn't do it. And if I think of it that way, I can be at peace and not bitter and not take it personally. It wasn't about me. It wasn't about what he wanted or not. It was about what he was capable of. And he wasn't capable of emotional connection.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Did she say what reasons were stopping him from achieving an emotional connection?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

In his case she theorizes (and so do I) that he's been self-medicating with pot since he was in his early teens. He's just never learned to deal with emotions. When he's not high, emotions overwhelm him.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Wow. Makes sense. Sounds like my STBXH. He was a habitual marijuana user years before we met but very high functioning. He was sober when we met but about 3 years into our relationship he started smoking again for medicinal reasons. We were never able to have any type of healthy of constructive argument because he seemed incapable of it.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Yeah - that was my husband too. Held down a job. Made a good living. But when emotions ran high, he retreated physically and emotionally and would get high every day, all day. Until he got sick of it and stopped again.


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