# Does my husband really love me?



## Habibi (Aug 29, 2011)

Hi everyone. Its so hard to explain the whole situation and keep it interesting enough for people to actually read through. I am desperately looking for advise and support and I really hope that you will take the time to read through it. 

First a few facts. I live in a third world country. There are very few people of my culture around and I am an alien in this country. I also have a very mild case of Borderline Personality Disorder, which does make relationship extremely difficult for me. 

I met my now husband on a dating site on Facebook. We got to know each other for 6 months before I flew to meet him. Online we were very much in love and phoned and chatted almost all day long. After a few months though he started being a bit cooler, but I had hoped that this was because we need to meet face to face. I did not fly just to see him, but also went to see other family and friends. When I was with him in his country, things were just strange. He is not a very openly emotional person and I tried to tell myself he just needed to get to know me in real life. We decided to continue our relationship. I am very suspicious of all men in my life and did occasionally check out lady friends of his on facebook, especially one particular lady who had me nervous from the get go. To my horror I saw that they were going camping with all his friends together ( he did not introduce me to any of his friends, telling me it's because he wants me all to himself) I didnt say anything and waited to see what will happen. A few days after she had changed her relationship status to in a relationship with him. This was probably one of the more painful days of my life. I confronted him and there were lots of stories of peer pressure and all that jazz. At this point he had started saying he wants to move to my country. I had always said I will help him with this since it is a better life here. I had told him its over, although I did promise him to help get over here and as a friend I will keep my promise. He continued his relationship with the other woman and even took her to his parents for Christmas. It was about a month from when I found out about her till his planned move here. He had to sell everything he owned (which was not a lot, since because of political issues, people of my culture are unable to find work even though they are qualified) I had agreed to meet him in his country and then help him drive here with his car and the personal items he wanted to bring. 

True to my nature I took nothing of this lying down and took great relish in my revenge. In those four weeks I had gone to every party, danced with every nice guy and had a few very handsome guy friends flirt cheekily with me on facebook. He did comment on this a few times but I ignored him. On the night he was picking me up from the airport I had made sure I had a date with a very very handsome man. My now husband was furious. He tried every manipulative trick in the book to get me to cancel. I did not budge and went on my date and had a great time. I told him were just friends now, he has a girlfreind, its my business what I do and with whom. To my surprise he was still at the hotel when I got there. On the long road trip we became friends again. He tried subtly flirting with me, which I continued to ignore. He kept in contact with the other woman, I knew, although he tried to hide this from me.

He was first going to live in my house, till we get a work permit sorted for him. One day when he was in the shower I checked his phone and still found text messages about love and missing each other. This was after weeks of him still trying his best to get me to be with him again. I confronted him and told him that I am helping that he should leave me alone and accept my friendship only. He broke down in tears and told me that he is going to break up with her, he just didnt want to do it immediately after leaving. He did break up with her then and true to his word has never contacted her again, regardless of her efforts. At this point she had found out about me and behaved really badly. 

We just couldnt get a permit sorted for him and out of frustration had to get married in order for him to stay here ,while we try and get a permit. This being such a small community everyone I know found out about this. But up to now, 8 months later, nobody in his life knows about this. They know were in a relationship and thats it. He still lives with me and we live as husband and wife and he has no qualms telling anyone around here this fact. 

He has been doing odd jobs around and seems to have cash to support his golfing etc, but not to buy a ring? 

I have been sitting here all morning contemplating divorce. We had to go over the border to reimport his car and from about a week before he had gone on about how furious he is about not being able to play golf on that Saturday (this is the first time we would have gone anywhere, not even a date before this) and I remembered going through his phone and reading how excited he was about going camping with the other woman. He was quite nasty all the way to me. He apologised the next day and I know he gets very nervous about all things immigration and customer wise. Last night I mentioned my eyes being the same wierd green as a woman on TV and he said but my eyes are brown. So he doesnt even know the color of my eyes. 

He is not a very affectionate, passionate person in general. I am. Its very very hard for me, and lately if I mention this he would tell me to stop nagging and stop my nonsense. I know from talking to a friend of his online that he is not a very affectionate person and he does seem to have a rather formal relationship with his parents, but I wonder if he is not like that with me because I have always just been a means to an end to him. I gained a bit of weight because I have been feeling a bit depressed and he does make jokes about it. I wouldnt mind in general since my self confidence has never been problem, but I remember reading a post on facebook where he had said how beautiful the other woman is to him. He has never said that to me. 

He kisses me hello and goodbye, but would very very seldom give me hug or a kiss even in the bedroom. I feel a bit like a ***** in the bedroom to be honest. And even then it only happens about once every 2 weeks. 

The only passion he ever displays to me is anger. Dont get me wrong I can give as good I get, but I give loving passion too. 

I feel awful and unloved. I feel second choice to everything. I have never been with a man who didnt find me irresistable sexually and I think I am pretty attractive. 

Any ideas and advise? Am I overreacting and expecting someone to change from who he is or does this man not love me?


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## LilaGrace111 (Aug 27, 2011)

It sounds to me like whether or not he loves you is not the question. the question is, does he make you happy. And the answer is "no". I think it sounds like he does not provide you with what you need for a happy relationship. Don´t be sad about this advice...waiting round the corner is your perfect man, who will make you feel like a Princess. It just doesn´t sound like this man is him


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## lotuslove (Aug 10, 2011)

Wait.. he's with you to gain a better life??

Regardless... ditch this guy ASAP. He is TOTALLY disrepecting you.


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

It appears like he is taking advantage of you and not providing you with any of your needs. Therefore, I agree with the above post, it doesn't sound like you are happy and perhaps its better to look for someone willing to invest in you.


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