# Marriage



## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

How do I get my husband to tell me what turns him on.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: Sex*



msggirl69 said:


> How do I get my husband to tell me what turns him on.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Presumably you have already asked him?


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

*Re: Sex*

Ask him?

Or after you put the kids in bed. Strip naked in front of him, yank his pants off, grab him and lead him to bed. Do something with reckless abandon until you are both satisfied. 

Once you are done and feeling braver, ask the question. But I he will have little left to ask you.


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

*Sex*

We have been married for 30 years, we have an amazing sex life and marriage. I’m willing to try/do anything he wants. Lately i feel that deep down he has these desires/fantasies that he just can’t/won’t share. Which I don’t understand because we have never had a problem expressing what we want. How do I get him to open up about his fantasies?


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

*Re: Sex*

Yes, I have asked and he says I fulfill them, but I feel like he’s holding back. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

All you can do is make it safe for him to talk to you and share. 

You could be wrong. He might be happy with the way things are.

Why do you think he's holding back about fantasies?

And why are you deleting your posts?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

*Re: Sex*



msggirl69 said:


> Yes, I have asked and he says I fulfill them, but I feel like he’s holding back.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


its not uncommon for man and women to hold back some because they don't want to sound like a freak....this is why you ask these questions when you are dating...less risk if it blows up in your face.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Ask him would you like to try ...
How about ...
Would you like it if I ....

Ask him what are the dirtiest naughtiest things that you could do for him and that you will do it at least once, as long as it does not involve other people unless you are open to that.

You need to pull it out of him. 

It is how I got my wife to talk.


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> All you can do is make it safe for him to talk to you and share.
> 
> You could be wrong. He might be happy with the way things are.
> 
> ...


I received a notice that this could be inappropriate for this group and this is my first time posting anything.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Wish my wife would ask!

Hell I tell her and she .....never mind.

God bless you for being inrerested in being a sexual creature for your husband too bad hes a cold fish.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

msggirl69 said:


> I received a notice that this could be inappropriate for this group and this is my first time posting anything.


Who sent you a notice that I could be inappropriate for this group (I assume you mean the men's forum.)?

how did they tell you this? Was it via PM?

I'm a site administration. I really need to know who told you that and what they told you. If they sent you a PM (private message, could you please forward it to me?

Thanks


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Here's a thought.

If he is holding back, let him. He'll open up when he's ready. As long he's happy, if you're also happy, roll with it as it is and completely stop thinking/worrying about it. Just enjoy.

Then, if he is holding back, in later years when the marriage needs a boost from something fresh, you'll still have something new to try. It'll be an easy way to put new life into an old relationship. 

Don't rush it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It seems like a valid topic to me. 

I think all you can do is ask. One thing is that you need to be careful never to react negatively or with shock to something he might suggest. Its fine to say that you aren't interested in some activity he wants, but try not to make him feel like you think he is a perv for asking. 

I'm not in any way implying that you have done this - just a caution. All it takes is one bad reaction to make someone forever shy about asking for new things.

Obviously that doesn't apply if what he is asking is actually harmful - non-consensual, children etc. But something that is just gross can be turned down politely.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If he is into sex games at all, you can of course tie him to the bed, then tease him mercilessly until he admits what he wants - then do it.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

What makes you think he's holding back?
Or do you need him to ask *you* that question perhaps? :wink2:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Some men don't like change. Some do. You could have given him the impression you don't want to do more than you have. I think you have to tell him, not what you want him to do or how to act, but that you ae open to discussing new ideas, options, parameters. 

First, you have to be able to actually talk with each other. Good luck.


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Here's a thought.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Thanks for your input it’s greatly appreciated. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@msggirl69

I don't know who told that your posts were not ok, but it was not a mod.

I'm going to put your posts back because they are just fine.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

msggirl69 said:


> How do I get my husband to tell me what turns him on.



- Each guy is different just like each lady is different.


- For myself, I can openly talk about anything and I love all forms of adventurous sex. Just the way I am. Mrs.CuddleBug can ask me anything but she is conservative, shy and LD, so its not happening. She gets very uncomfortable you see, next topic.


- Just straight out ask your hubby, do you want to try 69, doggy, spooning, cow girl, reverse cow girl, all forms of toys and oils, try anal, breasts, feet, oral, etc. If he's uneasy talking about it, just take the initiative and try it, always something different. Most guys would love this, I know I would.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

If he is holding back?
If he is keeping a secret?

It's because he does not want you to know.
It's because your' knowing will wilt your pretty flower.

It's because his sexual fantasy may not include you.
It's because his sexual fantasy may not include him.

Don't ask for 'that 'which you do not want to know.

It is said that honesty is the best medicine.
Sometime said medicine is deadly. if 'over' taken.
Over given... in your' ears, then down your loving gullet.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

It is usually the wife who is reluctant to say what she wants. I have posted my feelings on this a lot. Great communication makes for great sex. Ask and do not let him try to tell you he does not know. You can skip the rest and go to the links at the end if you want.

I know you think your sex life is great and so did we until we started involve other people whom we were friends with, actually they got us involved. Then we tried different fetishes and as luck would have it, the women my wife and I both knew and treated like family, divorced her alcoholic husband and came to live with us and was part of our life for 30 years as both a lover and wife #2. We learned that our girlfriend is bi and so is my wife apparently since she had sex with her girlfriend a few thousand times.

We thought our sex was great but after 7 years we both knew what buttons to press and in what order. It was like an orgasm machine. Over and done with with great efficiency, pleasant, nice, loving but not the same as having sex with someone new whose body you did not know who excited that part of you that your genetic structure designed to be excited with a new mate. Our genes do not know anything about birth control so we still react as we would if we were looking for a mate to pass along our genes to.

That was us. Sex with more than two is incredible for us since we limited it to friends that we had some feelings for. We never had sex with strangers and never went looking for it. If it came our way we said yes for the right people. My wife and I were attractive in our younger days and both of us are sterile, my wife is bi and so we were in great demand.

I am not knocking monogamy since we have been monogamous going on 8 years now and still into fetish play. However no matter what you do, use, or where you are, it is still the same person on top or under you at the end of the day and we just do not get that same chemical rush as we would with a new person. Sex is nice and warm but never the same as it used to be when you first had it. Never!

My wife was a virgin at 19 and very religious. If you told her that she would be having sex with women and more than one person, she would have prayed for your heathen soul and told you that you are crazy. Yet, it happened. Not only sharing the pleasure of sex with others but also fetish play. I could not ask for a better sex life filled with love. Never! 

So many post here telling me how great monogamy is and then they complain about their sex life. The only reason having sex with others is bad is because that is what we were told. Even those who wrote such things in the bible had concubines. Sexual fidelity was always meant for women. Men had mistresses and still do while women are expected to remain sexually faithful just in case the wife finds out that her husband is not as well endowed as he claims.  Really, whatever form of relationship that works for you is fine as the goal is sexual satisfaction and not the road you take to get there.

Here is a test the both of you can take in private and then compare to see where you two match up. Heck, you may even get ideas about things you never knew existed. When we became monogamous we were used to sex with three and sex with two was not that great until we made it so by finding a new fetish for monogamous people. For us it is Teasing and Denial without all the dominatrix stuff. Look up Kareeza and it is similar to that but without all the mysticism. Basically we have sex but my wife does not allow me to orgams every time. Keeps me aroused and when I do orgasm it is extremely intense. That is a couple game and has actual benefits to a marriage. Here are some links for you:

https://cdn.rawgit.com/Goctionni/KinkList/master/v1.0.2.html
BDSM Test: What kind of sexual deviant are you?
Should I Schedule Sex With My Husband? Yes, It's Life-Changing | YourTango
9 Ways To Start Having Hot Sex In Long-Term Relationships | YourTango


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

uhtred said:


> It seems like a valid topic to me.
> 
> I think all you can do is ask. One thing is that you need to be careful never to react negatively or with shock to something he might suggest. Its fine to say that you aren't interested in some activity he wants, but try not to make him feel like you think he is a perv for asking.
> 
> ...





SunCMars said:


> If he is holding back?
> If he is keeping a secret?
> 
> It's because he does not want you to know.
> ...


Lol, my first thought when reading the opening post was "Are you sure you really want to know?".

There may be a good reason he's not sharing (if that is even what's happening).

If both are happy as is, perhaps letting a sleeping dog lie.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

For the first several years of our marriage my wife was not nearly as happy as she could have been. She would not tell me, would not even consider telling me, what she wanted. Does she expect me to be a mind reader? Yes, she says she does. 

We had issues back in the seventies. She let a friend seduce her. While sorting that out I discovered she had lied to me about many things, other things about us. I ended up getting very angry with her. I did become abusive, verbally and physically. 

I discovered what Mary wanted, which she never would have asked for. Mary still will not say what she wants. My job is to experiment and see how she reacts. I am often a lot rougher on her than I had ever thought sex should be, but in her mind sex is really good if it’s bad. 

Who knows what you may find once you start looking. But the sex can get very exciting.

Good luck, and I think you are doing good by asking.


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## Francis Brant (Nov 13, 2017)

If you really think that he does not tell you about something, then try to tell him about your fantasies first. I'm sure you also have very deep fetishes somewhere about which you should be ashamed. If he really hides his thoughts from you, then you need to let him know that there is nothing shameful about it. By example.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

You have to create an environment where he knows that even if he says something over-the-top crazy you will be A-Ok with it and not freak the F out. If your sexual environment up to this point has been super vanilla and boring, he's going to take a question like "Tell me what turns you on, I'm willing to do whatever" as a test. He will feel that the best way to pass the test is to grit his teeth, smile and say "I just want you, baby. I don't need anything crazy." Meanwhile, he'll use porn as his sexual outlet.


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

CuddleBug said:


> - Each guy is different just like each lady is different.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




We do all the above, I’m just wondering what else I could do to make the experience mind blowing. 


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

msggirl69 said:


> We do all the above, I’m just wondering what else I could do to make the experience mind blowing.


Yet another husband that I really hate.


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> Yet another husband that I really hate.




Sorry, we have always had a great sex life. We love to please each other, but after 30 of marriage I hope I continue to please him. 


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## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

Slartibartfast said:


> My first thought was, "What an odd question." I suppose one needs to know the context. What makes you think there's something missing. You know, all fantasies aren't equal. There are those you want fulfilled and those that are truly fantasies that you don't ever expect to happen and wouldn't follow through on if you could. Is he reading (or writing) sex stories? Watching porn, for instance, doesn't mean you want to make it with someone who's acting. A lot of people fantasize about swapping, threesomes, foursomes, etc., but they don't really want to do it, even if their partner was willing, because they have a very rational fear that it's too much risk to the marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Great insight and something for me to think about 


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Sex*



msggirl69 said:


> We have been married for 30 years, we have an amazing sex life and marriage. I’m willing to try/do anything he wants. Lately i feel that deep down he has these desires/fantasies that he just can’t/won’t share. Which I don’t understand because we have never had a problem expressing what we want. How do I get him to open up about his fantasies?


Men are usually pretty straightforward, and if he says that then why not believe him? Why do you assume that he is lying to you? 
Just believe what he says and enjoy what you have. You are probably completely over thinking this and imaging things that just aren't there.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Sex*



msggirl69 said:


> Yes, I have asked and he says I fulfill them, but I feel like he’s holding back.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


After 30 years how about you just believe him. 
I ask my husband from time to time if there is anything that he would like that we haven't done yet, or would he like me to wear something that I havent worn before and he says I am more than happy with what we do. I know he is telling the truth because he isn't a man who lies. 

Maybe its a actually you who is wanting to do something 'mind blowing' and not him at all.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

msggirl69 said:


> We have been married for 30 years, we have an amazing sex life and marriage. I’m willing to try/do anything he wants. Lately i feel that deep down he has these desires/fantasies that he just can’t/won’t share. Which I don’t understand because we have never had a problem expressing what we want. How do I get him to open up about his fantasies?


I have two suggestions.

The first is stage setting. Outside the bedroom tell him that you are his wife and that you want to make him happy. Tell him that you don't feel it is healthy for your husband to keep his sexual fantasies from you. That you would rather know what they are and as his wife you will keep them private and not use them to hurt him. Tell him that you can't promise you will agree to do them, but that you will listen, not judge, and will research them to see if you can't do it or something similar you might be willing to do. 

For example, if he wants a three-some and you will not do that, buy a wig, some trashy clothes and tell hum that you might be willing to role play the part of the other woman, F his brains out and then crawl in bed with him his real wife afterwards. Maybe he want's you to dress up as a man and use a strapon on him. It could be BDSM or who knows what that he is too afraid of what you might think of him.

The point is, don't agree anything, but tell him you will consider it, research it, and see if or what else you might be willing to do that would be close.

Second, if he still can't verbalize anything, then get one of the "yes/no/maybe" lists for you to each fill out and exchange.

Good luck.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

In my experience... i've had fantasy's that i haven't shared with my wife because i felt like its too extreme in relation to our sex life.

For imagery sake... lets say its a class 4 fantasy.. but all we ever do in bed is class 1 or 2 stuff.... I don't feel safe jumping to fantasy's that might shock her.

Something that helped us open up more was when my wife started telling me her fantasy's and stuff she wanted me to try on her. It kind of started the 'experimental ball' rolling..... Now we try things as a "lets try this once and see if either of us like it....."


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