# I need to cut ties with my Father.



## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Here's why: my brother has three girls and a boy, and between me and my husband and foster care we have one girl and three boys, ages 2-12. My daughter was my parents first grandchild and we lived with them the first year of her life (I was 19). 

I met my husband shortly after she was born while I was working in town, and a year or so down the road we ended up moving in together. This is reason number one why my father hates my husband, because we didn't live with him anymore and he couldn't be the boss. 

We got pregnant with our son and shortly after we had him, my mom left my dad. I think pretty much everyone saw it coming but him. He's a cancer survivor and his logic was he could just treat her like dirt but use the cancer card as a guilt trip. 

Since then he's just been getting worse. He clings to my daughter and makes statements such as "she's the only thing that kept me alive when your mom left" and "shes the only reason I keep breathing". What am I, chopped liver? I mean whatever, but he says this nonsense in front of her! My kid thinks she's responsible for keeping her grandfather alive and well. 

He talks crap about me and my husband to his STBX wife, because she's sick of his attitude as well. Half the time he doesn't remember my brothers kids names, never wants to keep them over night, and he treats my step son like a pesky virus he can't avoid. My three year old has CAS and for the first time in his three years of existence called my dad papaw. But my dad was too busy admiring the sun shining out of my daughter's butt to even notice he'd said anything. 

It's just ridiculous. He doesn't ever want the other kids around, he constantly criticizes how I operate with my daughter (discipline, quality time, etc.). He talks crap about my mom and new step dad on a regular basis around her, and when grandparents day came around I sent my grandma with her and they had a blast together. He was livid. With my grandma. Seriously, she'd win the grandma Olympics, so it takes a person with no grasp on reality to get mad at a lady like that. 

My husband, God bless him, has bit his tongue time and time again for my sake. But this time my dad has screwed over our living situation and I'm beyond caring if his feelings are hurt. 

I know I have to cut ties with him but I don't know how to do it. He lives ten minutes away and I know it will really upset my daughter if he isn't around. 

How do I do this?


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

Have you talked to him ? there is a lot to lose if you think about it


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> Here's why: my brother has three girls and a boy, and between me and my husband and foster care we have one girl and three boys, ages 2-12. My daughter was my parents first grandchild and we lived with them the first year of her life (I was 19).
> 
> I met my husband shortly after she was born while I was working in town, and a year or so down the road we ended up moving in together. This is reason number one why my father hates my husband, because we didn't live with him anymore and he couldn't be the boss.
> 
> ...


Ring, ring.

"Father I love and appreciate everything you've ever done. Until you learn to deal with your own **** without putting it on my child, you're no longer a part of any of our lives. I would be a terrible parent if I let my child bear the burden of your happiness. Don't call me or any of us for at least a year, and only call me after that if you can prove to me that you've learned how to stand on your own two feet and not be a ****."

Click. Done.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

I would have what we call a "come to Jesus" moment. In reality it has little to do with Jesus. Have a sit down conversation with your dad. Tell him what's on your mind and how his actions are hurting you and your family. He has to know that there will be consequences if it continues. If it comes down to having to put him out of your life then your daughter will be ok. Kids bounce back from things like that surprisingly well even if they don't yet understand the "why."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

I've tried. His wife has tried. My grandma who used to be really close to him has tried. But he can do no wrong. We all pick on my daughter. Shame on us for not giving her everything she wants whenever she wants it, etc. And if someone brings up something he's done he denies it. He complains about me and my brother and how we never bring the kids out to his house but every time we have he's up and disappeared until right before it was time to go. 

All four kids spent the night with him and his wife Saturday for a church Halloween thing, and my daughter just informed me "papaw got mad and mamaw and pushed her out of the van and told me not to tell". 

Wth


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> I've tried. His wife has tried. My grandma who used to be really close to him has tried. But he can do no wrong. We all pick on my daughter. Shame on us for not giving her everything she wants whenever she wants it, etc. And if someone brings up something he's done he denies it. He complains about me and my brother and how we never bring the kids out to his house but every time we have he's up and disappeared until right before it was time to go.
> 
> All four kids spent the night with him and his wife Saturday for a church Halloween thing, and my daughter just informed me "papaw got mad and mamaw and pushed her out of the van and told me not to tell".
> 
> Wth


Your choice to allow your father into your family's day to day existence is a choice.

It is not a given. It is a gift.

He doesn't deserve it, so take it away..


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