# updates for ealer topic



## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

well i cleaned the house and myself up today and all i got was the house looks nice oh you got a hair cut and now look like a marine and and thanks for cleaning up thats it we had one small coversation about her day at work and other than that she has been online laying on the couch ignoreing me sitting right next to her, i dont know what i did to deserve this treatment but its getting old and i dont like it... to be continued


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

LAY DOWN THE LAW!!!! and be totally prepared to deal with the results whatever they may be


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

i did that and she had absolutly nothing to say about the situation almost like nothing had happend im begenning to think ither she just dosent love me anymore/dosent care, or she is haveing an affair with someone and i.e. dosent care cause she thinks i wont leave her i dont know what to do she wont even talk to me she talks at me about nothing


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Do you have somone you can go stay with for a week or two?

This is the quickest, and sure-fired way to change the current dynamic and her expectations of your behavior.

She expects you to do what you are doing. She expects you to do what she tells you. She expects that you are simply going to take it.

So, if you want it to change, you need to stop taking it. If you are afraid of losing her as a result of shaking up the relationship, then it is certain that nothing _will_ change at all.

Make plans to go away. Only reason whatsoever you should give her, is that you need time to think - and should she take that time to think as well. 

You're other option is to stay put - and stop doing everything that you do to stay in her good graces. This is potentially far more volatile.

The short answer is - what you are doing isn't working. So you need to change the current dynamic.


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

i think im going to be trying the more subtle tactic that i have been trying for the last 2 days i have made some small but noticeable (if your watching) changes in the way i interact with her and i had fallen into that hole of insecurity that was makeing me beg for sex like a dog, makeing me jump at her every wish, and over love her, i have essentaly stoped all of that and im going to see how it plays out for the next few days


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The important thing to keep in your frame of reference; this isn't nearly as much about what _she_ does, as it is what _you_ do. How you choose to respond, react and engage will determine how the relationship changes. Be prepared for the freak show. If you don't know what that is, you will when it happens. That will be your 'moment'. Best of luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you going out and doing things without her? With the guys? Sports, hobbies? Get your own life, and you will suddenly look a lot more attractive.


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

yes and no i dont realy have alot of friends close by but i am a member of my local model railroad club and i have my own model i like to tinker with wen i can other than that i dont drink at all so going to bars is kind of pointless, and sometimes i go target shooting and i take the kids and our dog to the dog park ive tried to get her to join me on some of thies thing but she has no intrest in it says "its just a bunch of old guy's and you hanging out"


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well the point is that right now she isn't interested in you. If you continue to hang around hoping she'll notice you, you look weak and unattractive. By getting a life - and enjoying it - you have a better life and you look better to her because you aren't desperate.

At the same time, you need to find out WHY she isn't interested in you. The first thing I would tell you to do is snoop to rule out an affair. Check the phone records for an odd number or a lot of calls to one number; check the internet traffic and emails. Do a keylogger if you have to, to see if she's talking to someone online a lot. If her mind is busy on another guy, she WON'T care about you.


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

we asf for cheating ive checked all i can and dont think its an issue how ever i did test one therory this weekend and i think i proved it

friday night just like alwase we went to the bar with her sister and cousin only this time i had a plan i took my pool que with me and spent almost all night ignoreing them or useing them to hold my drink when i had to go, thing like this.
about an hour in i started getting asked i i was mad at her and if she had done something wrong or anything like that, i assured her that it had nothing to do with her only that i didnt want to just sit hand hang out, later we got home and had great sex for over an hour and passed out very happy.

last night i shifted gears 
i decited to take a nap about 2 hours before she wanted to go to the bar again ( only becouse her sister pressures her into it i think ) and she ended up going with out me so when i woke up and found the note and her gone i made my very upset phone call about why did you leave with out me and such then i walked to the bar and hung out with them all night and needless to say i didnt get any sex last night or even this morning when i tried.

im thinking this is her response to thinking that i will just continue to just follow her when and where she wants and if i get my sex i will do what she wants. 

its just a therory but next weekend i will try this out in detail by throwing her a curve ball and not only not go to the bar with her ( becouse we have the kids ) i will wait till after she leaves and go to my old bar to have out with some old friends and see what happens when she finds out. just to test what happens


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

saggan said:


> i decited to take a nap about 2 hours before she wanted to go to the bar again ( only becouse her sister pressures her into it i think ) and she ended up going with out me so when i woke up and found the note and her gone i made my very upset phone call about why did you leave with out me


I don't see how the phone call helped anything. You should have done something of interest to you without her being there. She has to know that if she goes somewhere else, there's a chance she'll miss something interesting that you're doing. That's what will make her more interested in you: if you're interesting, and if you are independent.



> next weekend i will try this out in detail by throwing her a curve ball and not only not go to the bar with her ( becouse we have the kids ) i will wait till after she leaves and go to my old bar to have out with some old friends and see what happens when she finds out. just to test what happens


Are the kids old enough that they can be left by themselves? If not, you should go out _first_, and leave her alone with them.


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

ya i supose your right about the phone call, 

as for the kids even if i left first they are her kids and she thinks that my 11 year old stepdaughter is old enough to stay home and watch her little brother so it realy wouldnt stop her but at that point if i left first i geuss she would know sooner than later


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