# OK ladies, help me figure out what to do with this girl



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Post deleted after realizing drunken random thought posting here is not a great idea! lol. Sorry guys, I will work harder to get my chit together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Most people would say that their type is someone good looking. It's not superficial. It's human nature. But in the end most of us fall for the non-model types because personality and other traits are way more important than perfect looks. I think you are making too much out of it.

She was already becoming involved with someone when she met you last week. It makes sense that if she was interested in him before she met you, that she would not just drop him days after meeting you.

I think that if you go out on a date and discuss surficial types she's going to walk. Not because she's superficial but because it sounds like you are accusing her of being superficial. There should be no need for some kind of discussion like this. 

Is she will go out with you, then go and enjoy being with her. Skip the discussion (lecture) on superficial. Get to know her and find out if she is someone you are really interested in.

You are also making assumptions that the problem with her last relationship was that she was superficial for dating a very good looking man. Just because he is good looking does not mean the choice was superficial. Good looking people are not automatically air heads. For some reason their relationship did not work. I doubt you know why as you were not there.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Wasn't your posts about her saying how she's a 10, shockingly beautiful and hot as chit. Really she may be a little superficial (if that's how you view it) but are you really any different?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ahhh, yes, the 10 you just met last weekend. And you're surprised she seems to be as superficial as you were in your other thread about her? 

As stated in your other threads, you need to slow down. And work on your insecurities. Be comfortable with yourself before getting carried away. But I'm guessing you won't.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

So, what exactly is it that you think she owes you? This is someone you've known for a matter of days. She's been upfront that she's multi-dating. Now you're making plans to lecture her about how superficial you think she is - mostly based on her and her ex's looks and your own insecurities. 

Newsflash: you're not her father, or her husband, or even her boyfriend. You're someone who hasn't even been on a date with her yet. You don't get to scold her as if she were an errant child. Correcting what you see as her bad behavior is not only _not_ your job, at this point it's inappropriate, clingy, controlling and slightly creepy. 

If you don't like the way she's conducting herself, stop pursuing her. And for pity's sake, work on your own issues!


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

As always, some great advice! I seem to be the type that needs to pull back and think for a while before jumping to conclusions. 

I should clarify, when I said "she is a 10", for me, that includes MUCH more than looks. Hell, her best friend and the one that set us up is ridiculously hot but I am not even a little interested in her. My numbering includes other attributes. I am sure we covered this but I sort of wish she was not this good looking because it is apparently jacking with my securities. 

Per the advice here, I will refrain from any attack over this other guy or superficial traits. She has sort of lead on with several comments that make me think I made enough of an impression that she probably wants to go on a date just to see what happens. 

I just have not decided if I should stop texting her or not. I certainly don't want to come off as clingy. I kind of want to play hard to get because I think that really throws her. Prob used to stage 5 clingers. I was going to wait and see if she texts me. I responded to her last text late last night, and was surprised to get a quick response of "what are you getn into tonight?" i almost said "you mean who?" lol Prob not a good play.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

OP, if there is something about you that's turning her off, it probably has little to do with your looks.

More likely it's your contemptuous attitudes towards women and childish game playing.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

OMG Bob....this is the last thread of yours I will ever read. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt before now, but this one takes the cake.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Really sorry!!!! I swear I need to find a girl..."friend" to just talk to about this crap. I also got way too hung up reading stuff online about dating. I guess I am quickly learning this stuff does not work for me. It is really hard for me to be a dik to women. This whole texting thing is WAY new to me and I realize it can be real hard to convey my emotions. 

I promise, I will bug out for a while. Sounds like I need to do less thinking, and more doing.... After all, I sure was not thinking last Saturday and things seems to go just fine.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I concur with Faithful Wife, this is the last thread of yours I will read as well.

Wow Bob, you are a grown man. The kinds of topics you bring up and your questions scream SEVENTH GRADE. Why don't you just send her THIS note? "Do you like me? YES, NO. (Circle one)"

I can tell you why she seems to be pulling back. Your insecurities are obvious, your narcissism is unbearable (why would SHE give a rat's a$$ about what YOU think about superficial women? She barely knows you) and you are really starting to come across as a creeper. Especially THIS comment you made: "I thoroughly enjoy walking on them." (referring to women) You don't need a woman, you need a shrink.

I'm out. Good luck with your issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Really sorry!!!! I swear I need to find a girl..."friend" to just talk to about this crap. I also got way too hung up reading stuff online about dating. I guess I am quickly learning this stuff does not work for me. * It is really hard for me to be a dik to women.* This whole texting thing is WAY new to me and I realize it can be real hard to convey my emotions.
> 
> I promise, I will bug out for a while. Sounds like I need to do less thinking, and more doing.... After all, I sure was not thinking last Saturday and things seems to go just fine.


If you're reading dating stuff that tells you to be a d*ck to women, stop reading. Stop trying to be a d*ck. 

Plus, you hang out with her brother and know her dad. Stop trying to be a d*ck to her.

Being a d*ck only attracts dysfunctional women who are attracted to d*cks. Is that the kind of woman you want?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bob, what are you reading on line about dating?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I deleted my original post after reading it. I agree, it sounded harsh, I was drunk and bored...

Regarding the dating advice online, the general stuff I hear is be short with texts, play hard to get, do not come off as needy or clingy or you desire them all that much, and women are attracted to smug pricks so be one. Also do NOT compliment very attractive women.

Actually, I have broken most of the rules already by being very open. This woman asks me if i think she looks good, I tell her I think she looks phenomenal! I am not yet sure how to convey to a woman that I am an M&M, I wear armor plate in public but I am actually a softy, I can't help that. 

One thing I learned from my past is if i don't say it, apparently they don't assume it or assume wrong. I did not tell my ex she was beautiful so she assumed I did not like her. I used the word cute but I guess that does not cut it. I guess at some point, I am going to have to admit I am a little different, I love hard, I am emotional, and I actually do like holding hands and all that stuff men are supposed to object to.

I think with this recent prospect, I am really trying to figure out where the line between "very into you" and 'obsessive" is. I say this because I was neglectful in my past LTR. I don't want to be like that but I don't want to be a love struck puppy dog either.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is "M&M"?

All that dating advise is making you more insecure.

It's just not true that women prefer men who treat them like pricks. There is a type of woman who seems to gravitate towards pricks, but those women are messed up. They are not the kind of woman who makes a good partner.

You said that you wrote the OP when you were drunk. How much are you drinking lately? If that's your drunk attitude, maybe you need to stop or really slow down the drinking.

The one thing about the dating advice that I do agree with is to slow down. A lot of guys start out with a big rush. The press for all of the woman's time, all her attention, for sex, etc etc. Then in 2-3 months the guys come up with the 'I need space' talk. And then they disappear.

Same say that this is normal. If the guy comes back after he takes a break then he's really in love and into her. If he does not, then he obviously decided that he's not interested after getting to know her.

It sounds to me like you are in that first ramp up of wanting to be with her, text her, etc all the time stage.

As a woman this is a crock. It feels like the guy is game playing. All he wants is sex and maybe, just maybe after the 'I need space" speech he might choose us.. slim chance but he might.

pfff forget that.

Go slow. What do you so with your spare time besides text her? She says that she's sort of in another relationship. Give her time. You need to get busy and have a life.

Check on Find your people - Meetup and find things you like to do. Things you enjoy. Go to them. Meet people; men and women. It's not a dating site. Its a "get a life" site.

Invite her to do something from the meet up site. Something where there is no drinking so that the two of you are not acting out due to alcohol. Make it something very casual like hiking; or an art gallery crawl.

IF she says no 'cause she's dating the other guy, give her time. Give her a month. If she's still not ready to date in a month then just tell her to give you a call whenever and move on. She's just a friend at that point.

Just slow down for crying out loud and stop drinking.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> I deleted my original post after reading it. I agree, it sounded harsh, I was drunk and bored...


My advice, lay off the booze Bob.




bobsmith said:


> Regarding the dating advice online, the general stuff I hear is be short with texts, play hard to get, do not come off as needy or clingy or you desire them all that much, and *women are attracted to smug pricks so be one.*


What idiot wrote this article? Women like smug pricks? Are you effing kidding me? The LAST person I would pick to go out with is a smug prick. You can be confident and macho (attractive) without being a smug prick (extremely unattractive).

Quit reading this drivel.




bobsmith said:


> Also do NOT compliment very attractive women.


This is asinine! If I go to all the trouble of getting dressed up, hair, makeup, etc. and I'm looking d*mn good for me, it makes me feel wonderful to hear my man tell me I look beautiful. Whatever sites you're visiting to read this cr*p, I can tell you they're WAY off base.


And what the HECK is M&M? Is that some kind of lingo code-word from these stupid sites you are visiting? Never heard the term in my life.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

M&M is candy, candy coated shell on the outside, chocolate on the inside. He was referring to himself as an M&M - tough on the outside but a softy on the inside.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

yip, Nora got that. I have always been afraid of showing my softer side because I was raised to not show emotion like that. Men are tough. Apparently I did a good enough job of this, my ex did not know for years. I finally had a breakdown moment there but I still never really fully share it. 

Example, I honestly get choked up just talking about a recent event where a child fell out of a combine and was run through the machine. I think a lot of that is now being a dad, seeing children hurt really bothers me a LOT. 

I have no idea how women view this trait. Sometimes my emotion comes out appearing as anger. I yelled at my 4yo recently as I realized him trying to cross a highway to get to me. I sort of flipped out and seemed pissed but I had a little breakdown issue there because all I could see is my son getting hit. We hugged it out since he started crying from me yelling at him but I needed to get the point across, roadways are not OK to cross. 

I have worn armor most of my life. Just part of my life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> yip, Nora got that. I have always been afraid of showing my softer side because I was raised to not show emotion like that. Men are tough. Apparently I did a good enough job of this, my ex did not know for years. I finally had a breakdown moment there but I still never really fully share it.
> 
> Example, I honestly get choked up just talking about a recent event where a child fell out of a combine and was run through the machine. I think a lot of that is now being a dad, seeing children hurt really bothers me a LOT.
> 
> ...


When my son did the same thing I reacted the same way.. screamed at him to stop. Then the bug hug, etc. That's called being authentic.

What you said about how you were with your wife, you were not authentic. You put on a show of being someone you were not. I can see where that could cause trouble in a marriage. 

You are extremely insecure. Please get into counseling and talk about this stuff. Work through it so that you can be who you really are. A sensitive guy who is also strong (not some guy with a shield up) is very attractive/sexy. Learn to be yourself and your life will go much better.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I guess I figured I would update any that were wondering about this fiasco. I finally got a chance to run into this woman again last night. It was again, instant attraction only this time we have a lot of background on each other so was even more fun!

We ended up sleeping together and kissing for hrs. She is obviously VERY into me! I think we are both very excited to see where this might go but looking up! trying to take it slow and figure a few things out!


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