# Ready to give Ultimatum



## CBussey64 (Mar 28, 2013)

Either his friend or me ...

Hubs and "D" have been friends since high school, "D" has never been a good influence (drugs, drinking, women) ... and about 5 years ago "D" just stopped talking to hubs ... I was very happy. Because in that time my husband became sober and we have a good marriage. 
Well "D" Contacted me on mySpace a few years ago and wanted to meet up and have us meet his new girlfriend (soon to be wife #3) ... they lived in Arizona and I thought great, Hubs can get closure and we'd be done. 
Well "D" and his girlfriend "J" moved to our state, about 3 hours away. We've been there a few times. I still don't trust and never will trust "D" 
The first time at their house my husband seemed to follow J around like a dog in heat ... and D always makes comments on J's "ass" and stuff like that. 
Then suddenly when they are in our town they want to stay at our house i.e. use us as a hotel when they race. 
J seems to think it's cute to call my husband flirty names, run around in short shorts and offer to walk on his back, and call my husband "her *****" ... I don't find any of it funny, I find it pure disrespect and inappropriate. 
I've told hubs MANY times I do not like her and I do not trust HER, he then says well he'll just go see them alone and I got mad, NO EFFIN WAY, he says I don't trust him, it's not true I do trust him, I do not trust women ... and I certainly do not trust her when she's saying flirty things to my husband in my own home and barley acknowledges me. 
It's summertime and again they'll want to stay here and I've already told my husband NO they can get a hotel, I spent the warm months with my stomach in KNOTS waiting for this. 
I'm almost to the point to tell my husband "D" or me. Am I out of line to feel this way. If I had a male friend that was disrespectful to my marriage I would have put my foot down. We hardly know J but she tries to be myhusband's buddy buddy because her boyfriend is, and I don't like it.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sounds like good idea to me, but you first need to address the fact that your husband is not respecting you. Also, when he "says well he'll just go see them alone"makes me think that he is loving the attention putting them first and you last.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Instead of an ultimatum on contact with D, have you told your husband he needs to set boundaries with J? Ask how he would feel if D were flirting with you? He'd want you to put a stop to it or else HE would be a stop to it, right? There are a few ways to handle this if H is intent on remaining friends. 

You can have H set boundaries with J by just saying outright "I'm not comfortable with you call me your *****, please, Herb is fine, thanks.

You can do that by calling her out and saying you prefer she calls H Herb, not *****.

Or you can be a even more passive-aggressive and when she calls your H "my *****" you can smile cooly, plant a kiss right on your hubby and rub right up on him, look at her and say "you can't call him that because he's MY *****". Claim him physically for her to see.

You say you trust H but do you trust H to turn J down if she makes a move?

Is D still a bad influence or you just don't like him because of the past? have you made an effort to befriend J? Keep her away from 'the boys'? So what if she wears short-shorts? 

And lastly, you can always be sure to screw your H silly before and during their stay, cop a feel, quickie BJs, etc. so he isn't the LEAST bit tempted by some chick in short shorts when he can have YOU whenever he wants.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Because you don't like & trust this couple, you do not & should not allow them to stay in your home. If your husband can't respect this request, then I suggest you book a marriage counseling appointment.

It also appears that your husband is flirting with "J." If this is the case, you need to ask him to stop immediately. If he refuses, then maybe an ultimatum is an order.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

what your husband is doing with J is totally unacceptable. There is no way I would stand by while someone was flirting with my husband. And then your H says he'll go there w/o you? He's making a choice, and it's not you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about your feelings. He pooh-poohs your feelings and negates them and trivializes them. 

You shouldn't be giving the ultimatum because of J and D, but the underlying problem of him totally disregarding you in something you feel very strongly about. He's a fool if he thinks J and D are more important than you.


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