# How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her. 

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment." 

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters.. 
What response would you give? 
What examples do you have?


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Of course the "I love you but I am not in love with you" line (when I discovered the EA, which was actually a PA).

"We had drifted apart."

"I matured into a confident woman" (from an email explaining why we drifted apart and where she retracted her confession of the PA, one day after I contacted the POSOM).

"We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).

One of my personal favourites: "When I came out of the washroom and saw you in bed, I almost threw up" (my wife, one week before separation coming out of the bathroom in our master bedroom). (Note: I had slept in the basement for a few days, but finally decided that it was BS for me to sleep on a couch so moved back into our bedroom). Her way of informing me, once again, that she was no longer attracted to me. Another one: "Even the way you blow your nose annoys me". And how about this one: "A women's vagina doesn't lie" (further explaining her lack of sexual attraction just before separation). Anyway - I suggested she go sleep on the floor in her office, which she did.

Oh, and for the golfers out there (my wife became an avid and very accomplished golfer because I introduced her to the game after getting married and it was a passion we shared together) - after the last round we played together (about 2 weeks before separation) my wife said "Playing with you is like CUSTOMER golf". (BTW, I beat her that round). Maybe if I had let her win, we would still be together....


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Cedarman said:


> "We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).


:lol:

Took her a while to figure out.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!") 

And my personal favorite:

"_I really think the two of you_ (the OM and I) _could have been friends_"


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

"I was just playing around" after I read 2 years of her bashing me

"I still love you, I'm marrying you aren't I"

"Its not that big a deal"

Fast forward some years after I dumped her cheating thieving ass

" I never stopped loving you"

"The only time I was ever happy was when I was with you"(thats why she had an LTA on me of course)

"We were soulmates we still are" (To which I curtly laughed) 

My basic reponses to most everything though?


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.
> 
> The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.
> 
> ...


This is just standard WW B.S. justifying in her warped mind her affair. They all do it.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.
> 
> The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.
> 
> ...


Not every cheating spouse resorts to this type of gaslighting. 

I did not. I dropped the OW immediately. 

I never blamed my wife. 

If straying spouse is blaming you, it is not a good sign and can really hurt reconciliations.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

DrMathias said:


> "I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"
> 
> "I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"
> 
> ...


You gotta be f***ing kidding me!


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## momma2four (Aug 9, 2012)

"To be with one p*ssy for the rest of my life is like a death sentence." (Probably the only truthful thing he has said since I found out about the As)

"It's never been my intention to leave you or the children, and I told these women that."

"Get with the times, men and women veiw marriage differently."


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

MY ALL TIME FAV

Me: "youve known her since Feb, its now JUNE. Why have you NEVER mentioned her if she's 'nothing'?"

Him: "i knew you'd be jealous of her"

Me: "really, why would I be jealous of her?"

Him: "because she is young, thin and powerful...." 

FML, right? Guess by default the indication is he saw me as "old, fat and weak...." 

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".


OH that Godforsaken "we" !!!!!!! Hate, hate hate IT!


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

The one statement from my WW that snapped me back into reality was: 

"I want to reconcile with you but still be friends with AP".

Yeah............right.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I think when my ex handed me my papers it was the ONLY time in our more than twenty years together that she tried to be honest with me. She pretty much let me know that I was just another convenience item in her life and she had squeezed all she wanted from me and was done.
Didn't have much time to reflect since she also had a trumped up abuse charge against me and I was soon on my way to jail.
She didn't try to repair things until after she had fallen on hard times and by then I cared no more about her than I would about a worm which had been squished on a sidewalk.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Well...let's see. Here are just a few.

"I'm not happy"
"I don't know what I want anymore" 
"We don't have anything in common" - Just 17 years and 3 kids.
"POSOM and I only kissed once" - It was a 2 year EA/PA.
"We never went anywhere or did anything" - We were always going somewhere and doing something.
"You are a hateful person" - Really? I have never hated anyone in my life...until now.
"I want to have fun" - So do I.
"I wanted more adventure" - You call screwing your POSOM in a car in the back of a parking lot adventure?
"I was bored" - Then work more then 18 hours a week and help out around the house!
"I don't want a divorce but I'm not going to kiss your ass!" - Nice!
"We had this amazing connection" - Whatever...soul-mates right?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.
> 
> The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.
> 
> ...


Edit to add that this is what would come to mind in these situations. I have no personal experiences to share.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

"I don't hate her" when I'd bring up how she was a tool that almost destroyed our marriage. And same with him re hers. 

"I miss the friendship"

"She was always so positive and upbeat in the office"

"Everybody in the office loves her"

"She understands the pressures I'm under at work"

"She's just that type of person, a flirt. She flirts with everyone."

"She texts all the time. She texts everyone"

"She's always going out to lunch with different people. It's not out of the ordinary for her." (All men)

"She's a lightweight" when it comes to booze, all she ever talked about. Poser. If I were still drinking I'd put her under the table.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

thesunwillcomeout said:


> "I don't hate her" when I'd bring up how she was a tool that almost destroyed our marriage. And same with him re hers.
> 
> "I miss the friendship"
> 
> ...


I heard these two...


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

The fact that so many WS have the "same" soul mate experience and use the same descriptions only confirms that the affair isn't special after all and is as common as diamonds. Both have artificially inflated "value".


"I didn't go looking for it, it just happened"

"I'm confused, I think I'm in love" after two weeks-- 

"We were not connecting anymore" _ yeah cause you would never get off the ipad long enough to notice the people around you--wife, kids etc. 

How bout I just post some of his NC letter....*.Kids, let this be a perfect example of what _not to say_ in your NC letter.....*

"The time we had together was great, I wish it could continue, I wish we could do all the things we talked about. Everything I said to you was true, I do love you and you will always have a place in my heart.....Writing this was good for me, I'm feeling sad, it's still making me sad, yet all I want to do is make you feel better and I know I can't, this is my goodbye. There's so much more I'd like to say, but I'll just regress into wishes and dreams and I'd prefer to remember what we had without clouding the memory with something that can never be.

PS. I expect to see you excel and hope that one day I'll see your name in the news (although I expect it'll be a different last name and I won't recognize it), don't disappoint me!
PPS. I kept adding to this every time I thought I was done. This was hard to do and I don't want it to end

< ------and this was all sent to me as well as proof of "NC"----- Oh Joy


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> The fact that so many WS have the "same" soul mate experience and use the same descriptions only confirms that the affair isn't special after all and is as common as diamonds. Both have artificially inflated "value".
> 
> 
> "I didn't go looking for it, it just happened"
> ...


You gotta be kidding me! Wow. That gets the foggy foggy foggy prize.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> The fact that so many WS have the "same" soul mate experience and use the same descriptions only confirms that the affair isn't special after all and is as common as diamonds. Both have artificially inflated "value".
> 
> 
> "I didn't go looking for it, it just happened"
> ...


HOLY Bullsh*t BATMAN!!!


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I never win prizes...yippee!! 

Our counselor suggested he write me a apology letter.....well it was stiff and so unromantic....quite a contrast.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

daggeredheart said:


> "The time we had together was great, I wish it could continue, I wish we could do all the things we talked about. Everything I said to you was true, I do love you and you will always have a place in my heart.....Writing this was good for me, I'm feeling sad, it's still making me sad, yet all I want to do is make you feel better and I know I can't, this is my goodbye. There's so much more I'd like to say, but I'll just regress into wishes and dreams and I'd prefer to remember what we had without clouding the memory with something that can never be.
> 
> PS. I expect to see you excel and hope that one day I'll see your name in the news (although I expect it'll be a different last name and I won't recognize it), don't disappoint me!
> PPS. I kept adding to this every time I thought I was done. This was hard to do and I don't want it to end


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> How bout I just post some of his NC letter....*.Kids, let this be a perfect example of what _not to say_ in your NC letter.....*
> 
> <snip>
> 
> < ------and this was all sent to me as well as proof of "NC"----- Oh Joy


WOW...

Further proof of my theory that people in affairs are thinking like 16 year old girls and boys. 

Good lord that does take the cake for foggy NC letters.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> I never win prizes...yippee!!
> 
> Our counselor suggested he write me a apology letter.....well it was stiff and so unromantic....quite a contrast.


Ouch. so sorry. seeing the contrast in what they gave AP in comparison to what BS was getting.....always sucks.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I got: "I want you to know that I still love you, but I am going to have an affair with xxxx. But I will come back to you."

You know something, with all the rubbish some people have gotten to hear from their WS, I am wondering if the way my wife handled things was refreshingly different?:scratchhead:


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Let me see,my WW said getting back in touch with old hs bf was like seeing a long lost relative or a brother that she hasnt seen in years.
Really?
Text your brother over and over I love you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> The fact that so many WS have the "same" soul mate experience and use the same descriptions only confirms that the affair isn't special after all and is as common as diamonds. Both have artificially inflated "value".
> 
> 
> "I didn't go looking for it, it just happened"
> ...


Jeez. Where the heck is a :vomit: smiley when you need one? That sounded like it came from the bad end of a flatulent fog generator.


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## Laurelindoren (Dec 3, 2012)

"I don't even know myself anymore."

He cried a lot when I called and told him not to come home when I found out. He kept calling and crying.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Ive posted this beauty I got from my W in similiar threads before...

Upon finally being caught (after 2 years of massive gaslighting) having an affair with a friend of ours... my W was shocked at my anger and hurt... 

ME: "what did you think? what were you picturing would happen?"

HER: "well I thought you would find someone too, and we could all be friends, maybe all of us would go out to dinner sometimes and we could all be civil at (insert my sons name)'s birthday parties. I thought you would be happy that I'm happy"


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Ive posted this beauty I got from my W in similiar threads before...
> 
> Upon finally being caught (after 2 years of massive gaslighting) having an affair with a friend of ours... my W was shocked at my anger and hurt...
> 
> ...


rainbows and unicorns anyone?!?!?!?!

PIT- what the hell is wrong with you? why cant you just be happy for the woman? Oh and my personal fav(vomit)


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

The only thing that can top that Pitt would be if she took it to the next level and you all just formed a poly amorous family.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Ouch. so sorry. seeing the contrast in what they gave AP in comparison to what BS was getting.....always sucks.





I think one of the most hurtful aspects of any affair is that the BS has been so shortchanged of all that _effort_ the WS is putting into the affair. I mean we would all have loved to have been smothered with attention, flattery, good mushy vibes that they direct toward AP. 

I admit that I was so so jealous and starved for that type of attention that in the beginning I re-read his NC letter at least a dozen or more times.....I was so envious that "she" inspired such romantic swoon filled words.....alas ------>same old wife=no swooning for me. 

Logically I know it's the chemicals that cause that the infatuation and in due time he would have ceased to _swoon_ over her as well...but damn it was salt in the wound. 


Like a starving orphan watching the aristocrats feast on a hearty banquet.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

daggeredheart said:


> The only thing that can top that Pitt would be if she took it to the next level and you all just formed a poly amorous family.


That reminds me... Here was part of her foggy grand master 'plan' for my son's 'new' family...

My xW knew OM before we got together. When we first started dated my W helped "talk OM off a ledge" of a threatened suicide after OM's broken engagement. (ironically, he caught his fiance cheating on him)...

On DDAy... She asked me in tears what she could do... I told her, first you have to end contact with him, permanantly. She said she couldn't because she was scared of what he would do to himself. She was concerned he would hurt himself. This is the guy she wanted to bring into my (then) 3 year old son's life.

Anyway, we are talking about it on DDay and she says...

"it's not all roses" "we (W and OM) are a normal couple we fight all the time, He's always mad at me because I don't make enough time for him and he's resentful that I have a (then) 3 year old that takes attention away from him". (this doesnt take into account she was married to a 'friend' of his during this whole 'normal' relationship)


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

canttrustu said:


> PIT- what the hell is wrong with you? why cant you just be happy for the woman?


I'm guess I'm kinda shallow and selfish. That's what she told me anyway.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> That reminds me... Here was part of her foggy grand master 'plan' for my son's 'new' family...
> 
> My xW knew OM before we got together. When we first started dated my W helped "talk OM off a ledge" of a threatened suicide after OM's broken engagement. (ironically, he caught his fiance cheating on him)...
> 
> ...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Ive posted this beauty I got from my W in similiar threads before...
> 
> Upon finally being caught (after 2 years of massive gaslighting) having an affair with a friend of ours... my W was shocked at my anger and hurt...
> 
> ...


I am shocked. Really. That actually sounds borderline mentally ill.


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## Leobwin (Apr 28, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> I think one of the most hurtful aspects of any affair is that the BS has been so shortchanged of all that _effort_ the WS is putting into the affair. I mean we would all have loved to have been smothered with attention, flattery, good mushy vibes that they direct toward AP.


This, this, this!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I'm guess I'm kinda shallow and selfish. That's what she told me anyway.


Oh! YOU are shallow and selfish and I suppose she is deep and a giver, right??? Oh brother.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

My WW was a Jedi master at fogging. Had me questioning myself and my intuition all the time. Her method was nasty. The equation: ((90% verifiable truth + 10% lies) / 20% of the complete story) * guilt for not trusting. She is a natural at giving you enough information that you’ll reach the conclusions she wants you to believe. Good enough that even if you snooped around, her story held up (because it’s mostly truth). 

Sort of like holding a picture of a boat on stormy seas and just describing in vivid detail the sea, the stormy skies, etc. without ever mentioning the boat in it. Your gut, as she’s describing the scene, just tells you it would be complete if there was a boat in the picture. Then it’d “feel right” and make sense. Yet, she’d never mention the boat you know had to be there. Everyone else confirms that the sea looked like that. The grainy piece of the picture you found had ocean and stormy sky just as she described. And she’d get madder and madder that you kept coming back to this boat idea and wouldn’t just accept it was a painting of the stormy sea.

Paraphrased: _ “I need to get space from you. You don’t trust me and do not have a single shred of evidence there is a boat in that picture. I’m telling you what I saw! How can I love you when you are telling me I’m a liar! I don’t know why you just won’t accept the picture doesn’t need a boat to make sense; It makes sense to me... You have all this evidence that the sea was churning and the skies were stormy, but you keep trying to add something else to it. You need help. It is destroying us... That is why our marriage is getting worse and worse: You don’t believe me and don’t trust me. I love you and always have. It kills me that you don’t value it or respect me enough to take my word on what is in the picture. You are killing us and need to let it go or there might be a shipwreck down the line you’ll regret.”_​


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Cheater Speak...

"I never stopped loving you but, I felt our marriage was Broken"... Uh do you think so... do you think that cheating on me with 3 OM might of had something to do with that?


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

Racer said:


> Sort of like holding a picture of a boat on stormy seas and just describing in vivid detail the sea, the stormy skies, etc. without ever mentioning the boat in it. Your gut, as she’s describing the scene, just tells you it would be complete if there was a boat in the picture.


This is exactly how I felt. I couldn't have worded it better- my hat is off to you.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> "well I thought you would find someone too, and we could all be friends, maybe all of us would go out to dinner sometimes and we could all be civil at (insert my sons name)'s birthday parties. I thought you would be happy that I'm happy"


Sounds like one of those really bad indie-flicks about annoying people with trust funds living in Brooklyn.

I really wonder, are male WSs as prone to this level of delusion? I tend to think of them as just being straight-up about their @ssholiness.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

RWB said:


> Cheater Speak...
> 
> "I never stopped loving you but, I felt our marriage was Broken"... Uh do you think so... do you think that cheating on me with 3 OM might of had something to do with that?


They never consider numbers when cheating. Mine didn't even know two of the guys names. Now neither of her kids know their fathers' names.:crazy:
(never did figure out how I was responsible for that)


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Pitt--- I think this is a powerful nugget of info in the link you shared 

"You are not as strong as your mind, and in affair situations your mind IS ON DRUGS. It most often starts as something “innocent” and somewhere along the line it starts… Chemicals get naturally released into the brain.. when fed small doses of "love drugs" i.e. phenylethylamine........ <---- there is what starts it all rolling...some WS don't even see it coming (doesn't apply to serial cheaters). 

That is such a ball of wax......the fact that their brain is actually in a altered state and to try and reason or understand that process is impossible while they are in it. If one reads threads on TAM of former WS ....they mostly can't believe they were capable of such behavior. To a lesser degree we've all had that high school love that we look back at and "ewwww, what was I thinking"


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

When I found out about my husband's EA which by the way he still labels a friendship he said:

"you are my wife and the mother of my kids but not my friend. Until you can be my friend I need her to be my friend."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Bee2012 said:


> When I found out about my husband's EA which by the way he still labels a friendship he said:
> 
> "you are my wife and the mother of my kids but not my friend. Until you can be my friend I need her to be my friend."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ow God,thats just.....nevermind....it is stupid
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Yeah, but it totally makes sense to him. And when I confronted her? "I am sorry our friendship caused you pain. J was a good friend to me and my family. I do hope j can be friends with me
again."

Of course he was a friend of the family! He bought a horse from her mom after he claimed we were broke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Incredible,sometimes I wonder if it really is like a drug,people do some really dumb sh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Here's another one my STBXW still says repeatedly: "We grew apart and had different wants and needs". 

Like having an EA then screwing a 13 year younger partner who was already involved with at least two other women (including his first wife then later his future second wife)?? And lying about all of it?


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

calvin said:


> Incredible, sometimes I wonder if it really is like a drug, people do some really dumb sh!t.


I'm constantly shaking my head over the stuff I read on CWI. Absolutely mind boggling.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

DrMathias said:


> I'm constantly shaking my head over the stuff I read on CWI. Absolutely mind boggling.


I hear you.
When I asked my wife about the kids and me she said it was about her "happiness"....ugh.
It took her literally of 5 days to see what the hell she was doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Calvin,
Are you still with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Bee2012 said:


> Calvin,
> Are you still with her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes,10 months into R and things were hard but its been getting pretty good lately.
Dont see why we cant make it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

calvin said:


> I hear you.
> When I asked my wife about the kids and me she said it was about her "happiness"....ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What was your response?

My STBXW made a similar statement. I can't remember what my response - I think I was too mystified to respond.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I wish I knew what my STBXW wrote in her NC letter. I have to confess I didn't see it. She asked me if I wanted to read it, but I played it cool and I said "No, I trust you." I said that because she had asked me. LOL .. Can you believe I said that. I was in some serious BS fog. I hadn't found TAM yet and didn't know the way things work. It was probably full of romantic goodbyes. 

Sometimes I look back and kick myself for this. Did any of you ever freeze up like that? It was a month out from D-Day and I was still in shock, I think.


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Yeah strong, I did. I let him talk me out of telling her husband. Then both he and her got to him first and told him their own stories. Finally I woke up and called him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

By the time I called the OW husband thought it was just a nice friendship that I hAd freaked out about. He had had my H over to their house before and my husband had given their son guitar lessons. He didn't know of course that they had seen each other 1/2 hour every morning, talked on the phone right after while H drove to towel, and then sent upwards of 100 texts a day. Should have called right when I found out before they could CYA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

"He has good values."

OM's Wife said this to me!

I didn't contact OM's Wife until after my WS and I separated. Why? I don't know. I suppose I believed the stories that they were "living more like roommates than H and W" and it wouldn't matter. In hindsight, that was more BS fog on my part, but it turned out to be fairly true it seems. She was already with somebody else and didn't even know how when the affair had started. Seems she wasn't shocked much. He had cheated on her previously (3 year affair).


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Wow! The OW husband told me that a year ago his wife had texted her ex upwards of 9,000 a month and he almost filed for divorce. But because they were doing so well now, be would chose to trust his wife bc he loves her. And he will trust my H too. He sounds liken bigger idiot than me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Oh yeah, how could I forget the best one. 

"Its been 3 and a half months already, how long are you gonna be hung up over a little sex?" 

Little sex = more than 2 years of text,more than 2 years of emails, and with them sleeping together at least once every week or two, anywhere from 80-120 trysts behind my back.

And then I factor in how many times I probably had OM's sloppy seconds over the years.

Then compound it by the fact that semen traces can remain in the woman for nearly a week and I went down on her occasionally. 

This particular formula equals out to extreme rage inducing triggers for me. 

How I'm actually typing this without kicking the sh!t out of the rubbish bin right next to me is a small miracle. Although I did think about it, but thought better of it.


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Ouch! That has to blow. Making me think about how many times my H banana was dipped before it got to me. Sad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> I got: "I want you to know that I still love you, but I am going to have an affair with xxxx. But I will come back to you."
> 
> You know something, with all the rubbish some people have gotten to hear from their WS, I am wondering if the way my wife handled things was refreshingly different?:scratchhead:


Nahh. Mine did the same as yours. Or tired to. 

I love you but not like that.
You control my mind!
Your abusing me with your pain
and on an on and on..


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

I've heard women swear on their children's lives that they weren't sleeping around.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

staystrong said:


> What was your response?
> 
> My STBXW made a similar statement. I can't remember what my response - I think I was too mystified to respond.


I kicked her out,she stayed at her loser sisters for 5 days then she came back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I pulled up the POSOM police record,prison record and a list of people that were garnishing his check,got him in trouble at work and exposed him to his two girlfriends
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

ReGroup said:


> I've heard women swear on their children's lives that they weren't sleeping around.


Kid's lives, god, grandmother's grave, etc.

Its all bullsh!t


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

A few days after D-Day my wife agreed to write a NC email to AP. She really wanted to R and show me that she was genuine. I had not researched anything like TAM and was basically flying solo. I had NO IDEA the extent of the FOG she was in with AP. She sent it without me even looking at it. Here's what went out...

"Hey,

Can't do this now
I'm afraid I will lose my children forever
I'm sorry to of made such a mess 
I'm OK
Please forgive me
Bye"

When I asked to see it she looked at me strange... like this is private. By this time her AP had already responded 2 times. I read the email and was like WTF. She really could not see it. I asked her are you holding out for him in case I leave. Here is something telling about this fog in her response... "I don't want to be ugly and hurt anyone's feeling." 

Head shaking.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Gotta share this one, one of my favs

so during his EA our daughter was very sick, like seeing an oncologist sick. While we were at the hospital with her one day OW sent him a text saying "where are you? I was expecting to hear something from you by now. Im worried sick. Im in tears...." vomit.

Later, he told me that that text was one of the things that made him feel like he was 'falling for her'.... because of HER concern for his daughter! UFB. Honestly. IM right freakin there ACTUALLY crying instead of just saying so and HER concern for our daughter 'touches his heart'. wow. just. wow. After the hospital visit, he dropped me at home and practically burned rubber to get to work to console HER. Leaving me crying in the floor.... yep. One of those things thats hard to forgive. Im working on it though.

BEST part- when I spoke to her, she got our daughters name WRONG! Yeah, worried sick.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Gotta share this one, one of my favs
> 
> so during his EA our daughter was very sick, like seeing an oncologist sick. While we were at the hospital with her one day OW sent him a text saying "where are you? I was expecting to hear something from you by now. Im worried sick. Im in tears...." vomit.
> 
> ...


thats so f'd up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Here's some more from my Wayward Wife: 

Me (after she confessed to the PA, 3 years after the fact): "Didn't it bother YOU were married with two kids and HE was married with two kids when you were sexting? Didn't it bother you that he had a girlfriend AND a fiance when you were sleeping with him?"

WW: "No. We were both unhappy and needed the change. Besides, the sex was fun."

WW (one day after I contacted the POSOM - he is remarried with a one year old child with the woman he cheated on with my wife): "I made up the Physical Affair. I didn't realize it would hurt so many people. I made it up because I thought it would make it easier for you to let me go". 

She is still covering up for the POSOM. In other words, she is STILL trying to fog me. The crazy part is, what's the point of covering up for the guy? We're separated and headed for divorce. The POSOM is newly married with a kid. The only answer is my STBXW holds out that the POSOM will get the "I've got a one year old baby" itch and will re-kindle the affair. (When my wife and the POSOM started their EA, he was married to his first wife and had a 3 year old and a 1 year old). 

My STBX is 48. The POSOM is now 35 and can't keep his **** in his pants. I almost feel like encouraging that they get back together just to watch the crash and burn.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

calvin said:


> thats so f'd up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yep. It SHOULD have been my first clue when I saw him read a text AT the hospital. THEN only respond when he thought I wasnt looking. And it was to a degree but I was too focused on our daughter to think "wow,wonder if he's got a girlfriend?" I mean, I did think it suspicious and did ask him about it but like I said, I didnt push like I would have at any other time. How stupid of me to have my priorities straight. 

Its something he isnt proud of himself. Its amazing just how far gone they can become.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Oh. Forgot another classic fog.

During our first false R in 2010 - my wife would be cuddling with me in bed and would "confess": "You know, sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be with another man. Just being honest with you. Can you ever forgive me for having these thoughts?" (note: my wife was a virgin when we fell in love and we had been married about 22 years at the time of the first false R. Lots of great sex between us during the false R).

REALITY: As my "virginal" wife was confessing these thoughts, she had already been banging her boy toy golf pal numerous times - 1 year previously.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Cantrustu- your hospital experience is similar to mine. After I kicked him out, our young son had to be hospitalized with pneumonia...and I'm still so furious at myself because I was such in a state of shock and crying all the time that I didn't know to recognize pneumonia.....I digress...

We were "formal" and acting like strangers at the emergency room....he kept checking his phone (trying to hide it yet not really doing a good job??) well he left his phone unattended it started vibrating....course being mad as hell..I looked... 

It was text from her saying..."I love you, I love you...you need to be here....how is your son?"--- and he replied with.."just when I thought I was away from this **** so I can think, I'm pulled back in"--and there was a picture of my young child sitting in a hospital bed that he had texted her as "proof" he wasn't lying about it all...... ------>you talk about a mama bear coming out. When that man walked back into the room, I pulled him into a bathroom and let him have it like I was straight up Exorcist. 

I swear there were laser beams of fire shooting out of my eyes. He was cowered in the corner I was going off on him so bad...How dare he...I've never been so mad in my life. I could have killed him on the spot. I understand crimes of the moment now.

The rant of anger that poured out of me was smooth as silk. Not a single stutter as I ripped him apart. It was as if someone else took me over and every resentment and weapon I had came out. When I was done I felt so cleansed and released. I left that bathroom and felt stronger than ever and I focused on getting my son well.....and trying to stay afloat. 

That experience....our child sick in the hospital ...and he was consumed with carrying on his online fling. If I dwell on that I can be right back in that anger and still feel like killing him. I share to highlight how truly callous they can be when in the grip of a affair. 

It's those memories.....they really make it hard to forgive uh? I struggle with it on a daily basis and I keep turning over stones hoping to find some guidance of real true forgiveness...I don't have it yet and I'm not sure I ever will....I'm not at that stage of enlightenment.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Cedarman---- don't you have how they "test" the waters to see what you might tolerate....next comes the swinging right?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> Cantrustu- your hospital experience is similar to mine. After I kicked him out, our young son had to be hospitalized with pneumonia...and I'm still so furious at myself because I was such in a state of shock and crying all the time that I didn't know to recognize pneumonia.....I digress...
> 
> We were "formal" and acting like strangers at the emergency room....he kept checking his phone (trying to hide it yet not really doing a good job??) well he left his phone unattended it started vibrating....course being mad as hell..I looked...
> 
> ...


UGH! No good. Send a pic of my child would have set me on fire too! We have had a few discussions about him 'using' our daughter to garner her attention and HER using our daughter to tug at his heartstrings. BARF! "Im worried sick. Im in tears" Oh Brother. Really? Whats her name? BIATCH. 

Yes. Its those kinds of callous sucker punches that are hard as hell to forgive. I have forgiven the overall affair. In general, I forgive him. But there are parts of what he did that Im not sure I will ever be able to say I truly forgive. THIS is one of them. I have a few more. But when my child is involved- I get nuts. Its something I am incapable of comprehending. How he could even think of anything else but HIS child at that moment. Incomprehensible.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

Got some new ones for the group. I know she was talking to a guy and is now living with him as "just friends". *sigh, not that it matters if she has or hasn't ****ed him. 

"Make sure you marry someone who actually loves you next time around. So you don't find yourself here doing the paperwork by yourself again." 

"I tried loving you, it didn't work." 

"You could stand to lose a little weight." (I was ten pounds lighter then when we were married. On the subject of why I wasn't attractive to her.) 

"You should thank *him. He told me **so-n-so has moved out of state."

*him = guy she moved in with. **so-n-so = the man her body belonged to, and for several months she still loved, and even got to see one more time because I am so manipulative and controlling. 

Thanks guys, this is soothing to me.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Decimated said:


> Well...let's see. Here are just a few.
> 
> 
> "POSOM and I only kissed once" - It was a 2 year EA/PA.


I think all people who stray try to convince the spouse the affair was just an EA or one kiss and no sex. 

I tried to convince my wife of that lie, too. She's too smart and did not believe it and found evidence otherwise. 

Not every spouse knows how to look for the evidence, and others want to believe a PA was only an EA. 

If it was an EA, it was in the very early stages and was planned to be a PA. 

So there is no difference because intention is everything.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

'You can't help who you fall in love with' Spew!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I got: "I want you to know that I still love you, but I am going to have an affair with xxxx. But I will come back to you."
> 
> You know something, with all the rubbish some people have gotten to hear from their WS, I am wondering if the way my wife handled things was refreshingly different?:scratchhead:


It sounds that way Matt.

I am amazed at some of the hogwash told to some of the betrayed spouses here. 

I tried to lie initially saying it was just an EA, but my very intelligent wife already had evidence to prove a PA.

I told her everything, immediately after that, and never blamed her. I went NC immediately and never saw or spoke to the OW again after sending a very curt NC letter in which I reminded her that I always told her I would NEVER EVER leave my wife and the relationship with OW was only about sex. 

I never said I loved her or would miss her. 

My wife still left me. 

It's amazing how some people whose spouses have said really hurtful things after Dday have reconciled.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> 'You can't help who you fall in love with' Spew!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You also cant help who you choke the life out of.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Labcoat said:


> Sounds like one of those really bad indie-flicks about annoying people with trust funds living in Brooklyn.
> 
> I really wonder, are male WSs as prone to this level of delusion? I tend to think of them as just being straight-up about their @ssholiness.


You're right. 

I knew I was and am an "asshat" for going outside the marriage. 

WTF was I thinking and doing. Ruined my marriage for sex. 

Still there are lots of men here, based on the responses from the wounded spouses, who seem to be professing undying love for the OW or claiming how wonderful the AP was, after being caught. 

I never said that or thought that. In fact, the OW was not someone I would ever compliment in any way, particularly to my wife. It was really just about fantasy sex for me. Oh well. I am still an asshat.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In my case it was receipt of her email from a Hawaii trip of hers whereby she wrote: 

Dear Arb:

I would like you to send me an email that tells me what you like about me. I know that we love each other, but our relationship is not what it needs to be~ at least for me.

I appreciate that you have been taking care of things for me, and allowing me these vacation times. It is my observation that you are very good of taking care of things for me~ but not as good at taking care of me. While it is a fine line, it is a very important one.
While we have just a few days before I get back home, I'd like you to cogitate on that. I need the old you back: the attentive, romantic, flirty one. I miss that! Love you and look forward to your reply.

STBXW

Well after our separation some 6 months later, I then sadly learned that she had, in fact, been carrying on a continual serious relationship(EA/PA) with her deceased first-husband's best friend for at least some 10 months prior to that email and was phoning him as well as receiving around the clock calls from him almost exclusively during that particular trip.

IMHO, this email was solely sent out as a "smoke-screen" as there was never any intention on her part to ever vacate her relationship with him.

Being totally naive, non-suspicious, and just an all-too-trusting husband did not serve me very well at all!


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> In my case it was receipt of her email from a Hawaii trip of hers whereby she wrote:
> 
> Dear Arb:
> 
> ...


I feel for you. While on a trip. I found facebook messages that she left on the screen from OM. During that trip she mentioned how our relationship was "in danger" at the time, I took it with a grain of salt. In my mind she just needed more friends and I was ok with that. I should have confronted more. 

I feel for you. After returning from that trip, she no longer wanted to live by the beach, took back all of the ideas of family planning, and well a few weeks later she left me to move in with the other man. Ya'know when I type it out now, the writing was so much on the wall. I really need to see a therapist.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Remorseful- I liked your post..not cause you said you were a "asshat" but because you seem to be able to distinguish the difference of love vs fantasy. You don't try to sugar coat it to make the facts go soft. 

I have such a struggle with my situation because they never even saw each in real life or on the net....not even via skype so you could see mannerisms...just static photos. Spouse thought he was in love with a real person when she was so one dimensional. He never even saw a real smile, a smell or a shared experience. 

It's like he was a pea**** in love with his own image in the mirror----that's about how "real" it was. 

I'm not sure if this type of "affair" is worse because it's like dealing with a mental patient swept up in their own dillusions. 

Arb- seems she was craving that "romance" that is the first part of a relationship....many people want to be stuck in that part because the think that is the love......never growing into the second or even third stage of love. My former sis n law is a perpetual chaser of the first stage. She is a courtship addict.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

hope4family said:


> I feel for you. While on a trip. I found facebook messages that she left on the screen from OM. During that trip she mentioned how our relationship was "in danger" at the time, I took it with a grain of salt. In my mind she just needed more friends and I was ok with that. I should have confronted more.
> 
> I feel for you. After returning from that trip, she no longer wanted to live by the beach, took back all of the ideas of family planning, and well a few weeks later she left me to move in with the other man. Ya'know when I type it out now, the writing was so much on the wall. I really need to see a therapist.



Do it pronto, my friend! It will definitely help you with your short term stress~ I know that because it definitely helped me!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Man seeing this is depressing. 

Honestly staying with my wayward for 4 and a half months in R drove me to the brink. 

So so glad I left her ass, cause after reading forums it really doesn't get better. everyday the same challenge. The affair being the first thing in my head when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> Remorseful- I liked your post..not cause you said you were a "asshat" but because you seem to be able to distinguish the difference of love vs fantasy. You don't try to sugar coat it to make the facts go soft.
> 
> I have such a struggle with my situation because they never even saw each in real life or on the net....not even via skype so you could see mannerisms...just static photos. Spouse thought he was in love with a real person when she was so one dimensional. He never even saw a real smile, a smell or a shared experience.
> 
> ...


Thank you, Dagger, for being so kind. 

I think a lot of straying spouses when caught and if not really in love with the real person because it's not logical and not truly possible to love a static photograph and words on a page, say cruel things to the wounded spouse because they need to justify being a selfish Asshat. 

Not everyone is willing to see their actions clearly. So they blameshift and rationalize (make excuses)

Sorry to hear of your plight. 

The Peakock analogy is a good one, too.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Kasler- You hit the nail on the head....some days if feels like quicksand.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> Arb- seems she was craving that "romance" that is the first part of a relationship....many people want to be stuck in that part because the think that is the love......never growing into the second or even third stage of love. My former sis n law is a perpetual chaser of the first stage. She is a courtship addict.


D'heart: That absolutely makes all the sense in the world. STBXW was the worlds biggest flirt. The only real prerequisite was that for her to convey that flirt or to simply get romantic, all that it had to have on was a pair of jeans and/or cowboy boots!

After reading your wise analogy, I can't help but feel that she's pretty much gotten herself stuck somewhere between first and second gear! She seemingly wants the attention, the "new" relationship, and the resulting sexual and romantic excitement found therein!


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Arb- Many people get stuck there.....so when a relationship starts to mellow they wrongly think the thrill is gone....the whole ILYBNILWY comes into play. For most love =butterflies, can't sleep, lets write our combined names in our diary with a big heart around it 4ever!

I like to imagine that third stage by picturing two elderly people sitting in the hospital......together in the good times and bad....When the bodies have long given in to gravity and the faces are lined...... warts and all. 


Sis N law-- oh man, she burned through her second marriage in under two years....and had all the same complaints about him she did for the first husband. She is in fact cheating on him with someone else. She is a serial cheater due to courting addict. I know she will repeat this pattern no matter who she hooks up with. It's a itch in her she will never scratch. You combine that internal issue with her beauty that once served her well but is now fading and you see where this is going. It's really quite sad to see a person live their life in that way.


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## Bodhitree (Dec 29, 2011)

Shock is the word- I still can't believe she did what she did:

When I caught her it started as:

"He was a good cook"
"He paid attention to me and you didn't"
"He was helping me during a tough time"
" I decided I wasn't going to be afraid anymore" (as if I beat her or something)

Then as we reconciled:
"He was a friend!"
" I see the way you are with other women- maybe you aren't sleeping with them, but you flirt with them a lot."
"I (she) thought you (me) hated me and that I ruined your life"
" I felt so much pain in our relationship I just couldn't take it anymore"
"We bring out the worst in each other"

Now it is :
"He was just a friend!!"
"I was wrong about what you were thinking about me- I thought you hated me and I couldn't take it anymore."

A few weeks ago (a year after D day) I confronted her about it again saying to her - " it really troubles me that you see this guy as your friend- what he really wanted was a piece of ass." I also point out that her continual defense of OM as "nice guy" is also very troubling to me - I told her "nice guys" don't invite women that are struggling with 20+ year relationship over to their house to "help" them. I told her it would be awfully nice to hear from the heart an acknowledgement that OM was a slug - not a nice guy.

This kind of ticks her off because I think she really genuinely believes this guy was trying help her.

We are still together, she seems to be getting happier and happier- gee I wonder if she's having an affair!!


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## Bodhitree (Dec 29, 2011)

remorseful strayer said:


> So there is no difference because intention is everything.


Winner!!

This is where I am- Whether she boinked him or not, my SO spent intimate time with someone else willfully- and that hurts and may be our demise even though its been over a year.


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Bodhitree, same here. Minimalizing it just makes it hurt all the more, and my spouse still defends her. Says she was a good friend, etc. A good friend who encouraged him to lie to his wife and delete text messages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Here's a list I put together a longtime ago (It's in the thread link in my sig)

See how many of these ring a bell, lol.

Foggy Talk 101... 

•Our marriage was over long before I cheated.
•We're not like we used to be.
•I don't love you anymore.
•We've never been right for each other.
•I feel trapped.
•I never wanted to get married.
•I don't want to live like this.
•I love you like a sister/brother.
•I wanted to shake up our marriage and make it better.
•You deserve better.
•I thought you didn't love me anymore.
•You left me before I left you.
•I was never in love with you.
•Our marriage was boring.
•I need to have sex with others. I can't go the rest of my life sleeping with just you.
•The sex is incredible. It was never that good with you.
•It doesn't mean anything.
•It just happened.
•He/She has an unhappy marriage, and I was filling an emotional void in his/her life.
•We were just friends.
•I was curious what sex with someone else would be like.

ALL YOUR FAULT FOGGY TALK

•I've told you for years why I was unhappy, but you decided to not do anything about it.
•You work too much.
•I thought you would change.
•You don't listen to me.
•You aren't good in bed.
•You don't give me any attention.
•I'm tired of having to do everything around here.
•You don't need me anymore.
•You put on too much weight/look different.
•You pressured me too much for sex so it wasn't fun with you anymore.
•You were never really there for me when I needed you.

ALL MY FAULT FOGGY TALK

•It has nothing to do with you.
•It's not you, it's me.
•I'm unhappy.
•I need some space.
•I really don't know what I want to do with my life.
•I never cheated before but something just snapped.
•I want to stand on my own two feet.
•The other guys goaded me on and I didn't want to look like a sissy.
•I have issues.
•I don't why why I did it. It wasn't planned.
•I didn't expect to get caught.
•I'm having a mid-life crisis.
•I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for years.
•I never meant to hurt you.
•It's in my nature to cheat.
•It's just a guy thing.
•It's an addiction. 
•I can't help myself.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Ok... one of my favorite foggy statements:
"I hid my friendship with them because you are racist and would overreact." (my wife has a fetish) And no, I'm not racist but it made a good excuse eh?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Racer said:


> Ok... one of my favorite foggy statements:
> "I hid my friendship with them because you are racist and would overreact." (my wife has a fetish) And no, I'm not racist but it made a good excuse eh?


OR how about this one....

In a text:
Me: " You met her in Feb. I heard NOTHING about her until June. why is that?"

Him"" I didnt tell you about her bc I knew you'd be jealous of her"

ME: why would I be Jealous of her?

Him: "because shes young, thin and powerful".....

(btw, did ya'll know that you can throw a cell phone about 50 ft, let it crash into the cabinets and hit the hardwood- and it will still work?!?!?!? )

UFB. I guess the indication was that Im old fat and weak???:scratchhead: 

Im pretty sure he has since re-evaluated his position.


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## Pointegirl (Nov 21, 2012)

"You are a mean person." (No one else in my life has ever said anything even remotely close to that...usually the exact opposite.)

"We aren't compatible/never had anything in common."

"You are controlling." 

"It just happened." (Interesting since it appears you paid for a cheaters match up site.

"I realized I am worth something, and don't need to be treated so badly."

"I'm happy with who I am and have no desire to change."

I do worry about the "drug effect" in the brain of all the infatuation chemicals. For someone with an addictive history, it seems like it could lead to some really really bad choices, even beyond ruining our marriage.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

"You would never take me to the Movies"... SAY WHAT?

I looked at her like WTF, and asked... "How many movies did OM#1,2,3 take you to?"

I didn't say another word. I just looked at her. She had no answer. I pressed... "How Many?"... Her head between her legs... "NONE!, you just don't understand." 

"Hey, got that right!"... I still tease her about that one. This "fog" is some crazy sh!t. 

If "we" didn't have a sense of humor, I really don't know we would still be together.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

"He (the OM) respects you."

"I don't regret the affair; it taught me what was missing from our couple."

"I regret not being stronger during our brief attempt at R. But now it's too late."

"I wanted marriage to last, and to lead a precious life. Now I will try to build that precious life with him."


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

My wife didn't say half of the things that were said to you guys. Makes me wonder.

She said this:

I don't know why it is when I have sex with someone I become emotionally attached.

I never wanted to break up our family.

I am going through a MLC.

I need to figure this out on my own.

I need my space.

I needed my space, you wouldn't leave me alone to think when I did move back into the house.

My walls were broken down, you had me back, then you did this...(she found out I told her family and outed the OM)

There were many times in which I wanted to ask for you to stop this (divorce) but you always fvcked it up somehow.

I can't trust you.

I never said I wanted to reconcile (she did many times)

Maybe we should have an open relationship.

Why don't you go out and fvck someone.

I will always love you as the father of my children.

No, I haven't gone on any dates (she had just the day before)

I am talking to someone I met on a trip, he is a 'friend' and doesn't judge me {like you do}. (they are romantically involved but across country. She hasn't told him she cheated on her husband)

Everyone I talk to about this knows the whole story (right) they all say that you are out to humiliate me in all of this and leave me penniless(yes.)

We grew apart.

During R(well, after he dumped her): He is an a$$shole, the sex sucked and he has a small d!ck.

He is an uncaring prick and I never saw us together as a couple (yes she did and I saw the text that proves it)

I gave the affair six months at most to fizzle out. (I caught her at 1.5 months)

He paid attention to me. (if you weren't such a b!tch to me for years, I would have too and did anyway.)

I was vulnerable. He was there for me.

I know it was a mistake. (but she went back the other day and fvcked him anyway)

I was the one who pursued him.(trying to take all the blame. He was in pursuit as I found out later.)

If I could get into a time machine and do it over, I would do it differently.

I never meant to hurt you.

My personal favorite... Why would you ruin a man's career over something like this? (duh, because he fvcked my wife)


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I was told I was a monster... After I exposed the OM to his family, friends and commanding officers. Then had a military protective order placed on him. lol. that didnt ruffle my feathers as I was getting adjusted to the twilight zone fog, so she proceeded to scream like a possesed banshee that I was just a pathetic piece of sh*t and jealous of him. 

*drumroll* The was all in front of my 3 year old son.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I got: "I want you to know that I still love you, but I am going to have an affair with xxxx. But I will come back to you."
> 
> You know something, with all the rubbish some people have gotten to hear from their WS, I am wondering if the way my wife handled things was refreshingly different?:scratchhead:


Wow! What an ego!!!! I would definitely fall on the ground laughing at her. SO many assumptions she made about your choices.

Bee2012: Going through the same thing. I am 7/8s way out the door.
daggeredheart: How you did not put him in a hospital bed is beyond my comprehension. You are one really, really strong woman.


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## Hermione (Dec 13, 2012)

When he said, "I knew our marriage wasn't right when you painted the kitchen that rustic orange".

What that had to do with his choice to cheat on me for three plus years still escapes me, but when I remind him of that comment, he says that clearly he didn't have any actual reasons for what he did.

And by the way? My kitchen is a gorgeous color. So there.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Hermione said:


> When he said, "I knew our marriage wasn't right when you painted the kitchen that rustic orange".
> 
> What that had to do with his choice to cheat on me for three plus years still escapes me, but when I remind him of that comment, he says that clearly he didn't have any actual reasons for what he did.
> 
> And by the way? My kitchen is a gorgeous color. So there.


DAMN IT!!!!! My kitchen is Orange too! And all this time of looking for the why.....there you have it.....mystery solved.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

You both have orange kitchens and _you really didn't_ know what would happen?!? Talk about niave, lol.

Want some real fun? Try painting your guest bathroom sea foam green... NO!! DON'T!! Im just kidding, I couldn't bare to hear the stories after that.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> You both have orange kitchens and _you really didn't_ know what would happen?!? Talk about niave, lol.
> 
> Want some real fun? Try painting your guest bathroom sea foam green... NO!! DON'T!! Im just kidding, I couldn't bare to hear the stories after that.


I know, I know- what a dumbass. Makes me worry what is gonna happen with that brown bedroom.....:rofl:

And now that we're on the subject.....we painted our bathroom last year too! Damn, no more painting- tis the propellant to cheating apparently.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> I know, I know- what a dumbass. Makes me worry what is gonna happen with that brown bedroom.....:rofl:
> 
> And now that we're on the subject.....we painted our bathroom last year too! Damn, no more painting- tis the propellant to cheating apparently.


Painting! And lots of it! Just the perfect antedote to counteract cheating~ well, at least from my experience, that is; if done properly, it would just make you way too tired to even think about it!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Painting! And lots of it! Just the perfect antedote to counteract cheating~ well, at least from my experience, that is; if done properly, it would just make you way too tired to even think about it!


NO no no arbitrator. It would make your ws too tired to give you any attention but rest assured they'd have PLENTY for AP- no matter how exhausted. 

Im thinking dogsledding may work. Give him a team of dogs and put him out there...... "mush!":rofl:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> NO no no arbitrator. It would make your ws too tired to give you any attention but rest assured they'd have PLENTY for AP- no matter how exhausted.
> 
> Im thinking dogsledding may work. Give him a team of dogs and put him out there...... "mush!":rofl:




But Darlin', I could formulate some paint projects that I'd greatly think would tire my STBXW out for an eternity.

But in retrospect, she would just simply find a way to keep painting and boink her BF all at the same time. 

After all, it's rather apparent that she was doing a most fastidious job of "pole-painting," both in his hometown as well as in various neutral sites, and she didn't even once bother to tell me a single thing about it!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

My classic one:
He was desperate for sex and she (His wife) was not there...........


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> My classic one:
> He was desperate for sex and she (His wife) was not there...........


lol... and along those lines; Another gem... 

"You use me for sex! He never used me!" 
Let's see dear; He'd text, "Come over..." Her; "Ok" and spend 1 hour "grocery shopping"... meaning she rushed through the store and rushed in a booty call for him.​
Me: Sexless marriage by her choice.
ok... another TMI. I would occassionally 'get some'. She'd be drunk after going out and just let me 'get it over with'. Later found out she'd always been with him first.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

racer said:


> lol... And along those lines; another gem...
> 
> "you use me for sex! He never used me!"
> let's see dear; he'd text, "come over..." her; "ok" and spend 1 hour "grocery shopping"... Meaning she rushed through the store and rushed in a booty call for him.​
> ...


o u c h !!!!!


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## Angelvamp64 (Dec 10, 2012)

> "To be with one p*ssy for the rest of my life is like a death sentence." (Probably the only truthful thing he has said since I found out about the As)


UGH!!! As a woman and as a BS this really is bullsh!t!! If some men feel like this then DON"T get married!!!!!!


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## Hermione (Dec 13, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> I know, I know- what a dumbass. Makes me worry what is gonna happen with that brown bedroom.....:rofl:
> 
> And now that we're on the subject.....we painted our bathroom last year too! Damn, no more painting- tis the propellant to cheating apparently.


Our bedroom is brown, too!!!!

Rofl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

My husband told me that it wasn't the EA that affected the marriage. It was the marriage that caused the "friendship". "i finally found someone who understands me!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I questioned my self many times about R'ing with my WW.
Now,I'm happy I did.Its getting better and she has shown me sooo much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Racer said:


> ok... another TMI. I would occassionally 'get some'. She'd be drunk after going out and just let me 'get it over with'. Later found out she'd always been with him first.


That would be a deal breaker no matter what for me. I just see no way to overcome that one.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

oh my oh my where to begin...

"he was a family man" - really? family men with two kids and a wife go around banging other married women? hm.

"yall would have been friends" - uh.

"he felt bad" - was this before or after yall knocked it out for two years?

"you never gave me attention, and he did" - really? i guess because i worked 60-70 hours a week at our company so that you could be a SAHM and well, have the freedom to have an affair without having to worry about you know, working or anything.

"we were so disconnected" - i wonder if having an affair had anything to do with that? hm.

"he cared about *nagas infant daughter*" - yes he cared for her so much, that while having sex with nagas pregnant wife, he was cheating on his cheating partner (LOL THE IRONY) and exposed my unborn daughter to chlamydia. oh. god help us all if my child had been born blind or had contracted it. god.help.us.all.

and my personal favorite...*drum roll*...from the POSOM himself-
"i think that if *nagas wife* hadnt turned us against one another, we'd be 'cool'..."
-to which i replied, we can be "cool" now. tell ya what, come on over to my house, i'll have a beer with you, then i will kick your teeth through the back of your head. is that cool? he didnt take me up on the offer, surprisingly enough.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Thor said:


> That would be a deal breaker no matter what for me. I just see no way to overcome that one.


It's weird... Still sort of a fog of denial for her. She absolutely swears we never had sex after she had sex with him. Yet she admits she was with him whenever she went out for happy hour and got home late.

And my memory has me having sex those nights. Now... also understand how dysfunctional I feel about it. While I hated her going out and worried, I also knew she'd come home drunk. And when she was drunk, she was more likely to cave into sex if I begged and guilted her into into (for being such a good husband and babysitting while she was out partying). So... I loathe myself almost more than the idea of having sloppy seconds. I had allowed myself to drop to begging and guilt tripping for sex on a drunk woman who wanted to just go to sleep. And now, like some pavlov dog, I get horny when she gets drunk.... and hate that I do.

The dealbreaker should have been the sexless marriage.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

Sorry Racer. When my s2bxw went out a couple nights before our relationship went south and she would come home slightly tipsy and we'd have sex it DOES make me wonder. 

But its all in the past now. Regardless.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Racer said:


> It's weird... Still sort of a fog of denial for her. She absolutely swears we never had sex after she had sex with him. Yet she admits she was with him whenever she went out for happy hour and got home late.
> 
> And my memory has me having sex those nights. Now... also understand how dysfunctional I feel about it. While I hated her going out and worried, I also knew she'd come home drunk. And when she was drunk, she was more likely to cave into sex if I begged and guilted her into into (for being such a good husband and babysitting while she was out partying). So... I loathe myself almost more than the idea of having sloppy seconds. I had allowed myself to drop to begging and guilt tripping for sex on a drunk woman who wanted to just go to sleep. And now, like some pavlov dog, I get horny when she gets drunk.... and hate that I do.
> 
> The dealbreaker should have been the sexless marriage.


Well yes I am with you that the sexless marriage should have been our clue there was a very deep dysfunction!

I think you are blaming yourself for a lot of things which perhaps you did do wrong, but then you are thinking you deserve what she did as some kind of price for your mistakes. I did that for a long time, thinking that sexlessness was the price I should pay.

But that is faulty thinking. Nobody deserves to be abused by their spouse. I did deserve the consequences of my NG behaviors. When I was passive aggressive or engaged in covert contracts there were consequences. A healthy wife would have reacted in a way I would not have liked, and I would have deserved those reactions. But instead my dysfunctional wife reacted in abusive ways towards me, and I did not deserve that abuse. She doesn't get a free pass simply because I was also screwed up.

It is a perfect storm when the NG pairs up with the CSA survivor.

For me I would feel a lot differently if my wife were remorseful about her behavior the way I am remorseful about mine. If she had some insight into what she has done and if she felt badly. If she expressed sorrow for the harmful things she did even though at the time she didn't intend to be hurtful (though at times I think the CSA survivor does intend to inflict pain on the person they have projected guilt onto). If she said she now looks back and sees how she was mistaken in her thoughts, beliefs, and/or behaviors.

When both of us see we were screwed up, when we both have remorse, and when we both make a genuine effort to heal the relationship then there can be a zeroing out of accounts.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> I know, I know- what a dumbass. Makes me worry what is gonna happen with that brown bedroom.....:rofl:
> 
> And now that we're on the subject.....we painted our bathroom last year too! Damn, no more painting- tis the propellant to cheating apparently.


Holy Smokes- just saw this - we had just painted our kitchen a month before DD. When hubs said he wanted a divorce, I asked himself if there was someone else...he said no...I said I didn't believe him because "who paints their kitchen (and buys a house) when they are considring divorce"...I remember bringing up the painting the kitchen thing about 5 times


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> Holy Smokes- just saw this - we had just painted our kitchen a month before DD. When hubs said he wanted a divorce, I asked himself if there was someone else...he said no...I said I didn't believe him because "who paints their kitchen (and buys a house) when they are considring divorce"...I remember bringing up the painting the kitchen thing about 5 times


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Thats IT! NO more painting in the house O' CTU! 'Tis but a curse.:rofl:


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

This is weird. Over the summer, I painted both of my kids rooms. Took down everything, patched the walls, primed and painted in the exact colour they wanted. Put up new shelves, even put up a trophy corner in my youngest's room for her swim medals/trophies. They helped too and it was fun. Everything is exactly how they want it.

Finished my youngest's room just after a wonderful family road trip and just before school started. My wife gave me her separation letter on the 24th of September. NOW, they are beginning their second week where they live the whole week (every other week) at my wife's one bedroom condo. My youngest in the den. My oldest in my wife's bedroom. My wife on the living room couch. My girls don't like it, but they put up with it. Then they're very happy to come HOME.

Painting must be a curse!!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> This is weird. Over the summer, I painted both of my kids rooms. Took down everything, patched the walls, primed and painted in the exact colour they wanted. Put up new shelves, even put up a trophy corner in my youngest's room for her swim medals/trophies. They helped too and it was fun. Everything is exactly how they want it.
> 
> Finished my youngest's room just after a wonderful family road trip and just before school started. My wife gave me her separation letter on the 24th of September. NOW, they are beginning their second week where they live the whole week (every other week) at my wife's one bedroom condo. My youngest in the den. My oldest in my wife's bedroom. My wife on the living room couch. My girls don't like it, but they put up with it. Then they're very happy to come HOME.
> 
> Painting must be a curse!!


spread the word, dog!


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Painting??
I did the living room,kitchen,some closets,foyer and after I found out my motivation went to hell.
Its coming back slowy in the tenth month of R.
Even with R being textbook with a true WS who is doing all the right things,its still hard.
Some people dont get it,hell I dont.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Thats IT! NO more painting in the house O' CTU! 'Tis but a curse.:rofl:


We painted our entire apartment a month before she met OM.

Too stressful a thing to do together, perhaps?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

calvin said:


> Painting??
> I did the living room,kitchen,some closets,foyer and after I found out my motivation went to hell.
> Its coming back slowy in the tenth month of R.
> Even with R being textbook with a true WS who is doing all the right things,its still hard.
> ...


I hear ya Calvin. Its hard no matter what. Cant say my H has done ALL the right things but he has done alot. He's stumbled alot too. Nothing that is terminal but definately some things that have made R much harder. Much. I think he has control issues and thats created some problems. He has tried to control some things bc he worried "if she knew this or that it may be the last straw" NC was simple. He just did it and never looked back. The hard part came with all the other 'little' things that turned big when done incorrectly.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

The week my wife and I painted and fixed up my grown son's room into a guest room she started her PA with OM3. We would paint and patch a couple of hours each evening.

One night she comes into the room wearing a sexy, fuzzy little nothing. She pretended to just keep on painting. I asked her... "Where did that come from?" She said says she picked it up as a joke for me a while back. It was obvious it had been worn before, but I was still oblivious to her cheating. 

Here's the irony... A month or so later at D-Day, I was sleeping in freshly painted fixed up guest room.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yeah Cant,my wife truely hates the OM,after I played her some voice mails that the loser left on my phone about her she was shocked and her fog dissapeared instantly.
He said all kinds of disgusting things that were'nt true.
I wonder if he was hoping I'd believe him and slap her around or something.
Shows how much he "loved" her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RWB said:


> The week my wife and I painted and fixed up my grown son's room into a guest room she started her PA with OM3. We would paint and patch a couple of hours each evening.
> 
> One night she comes into the room wearing a sexy, fuzzy little nothing. She pretended to just keep on painting. I asked her... "Where did that come from?" She said says she picked it up as a joke for me a while back. It was obvious it had been worn before, but I was still oblivious to her cheating.
> 
> Here's the irony... A month or so later at D-Day, I was sleeping in freshly painted fixed up guest room.



How disgustingly prophetic!


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

RWB - sad - but made me laugh. I am sorry.

OK - so we have a strong connection to painting and affairs. HOWEVER, this summer while in R, we painted both girls' rooms and built them loft beds - pretty big project. We are still good.

However, I want to paint our bedroom and redecorate now - what are y'all's thoughts about that?!?!?!?

Bob Ross: Painting Mountains - YouTube


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

calvin said:


> Yeah Cant,my wife truely hates the OM,after I played her some voice mails that the loser left on my phone about her she was shocked and her fog dissapeared instantly.
> He said all kinds of disgusting things that were'nt true.
> I wonder if he was hoping I'd believe him and slap her around or something.
> Shows how much he "loved" her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


YES! Its definately great when they start seeing AP for the POS they are and not their "dream partner" to whom they have been negatively comparing your\.my realistic arse....


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Affairs of a Painter - Icilio Federico Joni - Google Books


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

calvin said:


> Yeah Cant,my wife truely hates the OM,after I played her some voice mails that the loser left on my phone about her she was shocked and her fog dissapeared instantly.
> He said all kinds of disgusting things that were'nt true.
> I wonder if he was hoping I'd believe him and slap her around or something.
> Shows how much he "loved" her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this same thing happened to my wife.
except it was text messages, not voicemails.
basically he just threw her under the bus. with no hesitation, to save his own a$$. nothing like a nice hard reality punch to the face to wake a WS up.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

My POS actually told ne to stay out of his business and that he was going to f me up.
Boy he sure could run fast when I saw him twice after that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

calvin said:


> My POS actually told ne to stay out of his business and that he was going to f me up.
> Boy he sure could run fast when I saw him twice after that!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


haha. yeah.
thats kinda what POSOM told me, too.
i gave him several opportunities. all bark no bite.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

naga75 said:


> haha. yeah.
> thats kinda what POSOM told me, too.
> i gave him several opportunities. all bark no bite.


Mine went to the cops for protection after harrassing us for sevens months,once they found out about his two felonies and attempted escape from prison years ago they told him not to let me catch him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

wow. your wife picked a real winner huh.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

naga75 said:


> wow. your wife picked a real winner huh.


Oh yeah,old hs bf,they didnt have sex then and I blew it all up before it got too far.
He's homeless now,thanks to me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Bee2012 said:


> My husband told me that it wasn't the EA that affected the marriage. It was the marriage that caused the "friendship". "i finally found someone who understands me!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I got "I can talk to her about work" (IOW-she understands him)......HELLO bc SHE was the work and he made damned sure of that. Took on every project she was on. EVERY last one. He made sure he was part of that team. SO YEP, he could talk to HER about work bc HE made sure of it. Had he tried that hard with ME-guess what? He'd have been able to talk to ME about work too.....


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## loveisforever (Jun 21, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> Pitt--- I think this is a powerful nugget of info in the link you shared
> 
> "You are not as strong as your mind, and in affair situations your mind IS ON DRUGS. It most often starts as something “innocent” and somewhere along the line it starts… Chemicals get naturally released into the brain.. when fed small doses of "love drugs" i.e. phenylethylamine........ <---- there is what starts it all rolling...some WS don't even see it coming (doesn't apply to serial cheaters).
> 
> That is such a ball of wax......the fact that their brain is actually in a altered state and to try and reason or understand that process is impossible while they are in it. If one reads threads on TAM of former WS ....they mostly can't believe they were capable of such behavior. To a lesser degree we've all had that high school love that we look back at and "ewwww, what was I thinking"


I do not agree with this. This is a hypothetical theory that try to explain how our brain works. It is just not 100% true!The truth is: You do not know all the truth about how your brain works. If you try to shed responsibility by pulling this, then you are trying to cheat yourself. If you take no self responsibility, than you do not deserve self respect!

So the WS is the victim of her/his brain. What a nice theory!

"they mostly can't believe they were capable of such behavior" Yes. Because they are cheaters! They are liars! They also lie to themselves. Another thing is that they are living in the present fantasy world, and they do not want to take responsibilities and think of the future.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I think it means once they are past the point of no return.....hooked into the thrill of the affair. Addicted to the forbidden. Doesn't excuse their choice to start a affair just tries to explain why they act so irrational during th affair.


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> Holy Smokes- just saw this - we had just painted our kitchen a month before DD. When hubs said he wanted a divorce, I asked himself if there was someone else...he said no...I said I didn't believe him because "*who paints their kitchen (and buys a house) when they are considring divorce"..*.I remember bringing up the painting the kitchen thing about 5 times



*maybe he didn't paint it for YOU, but for another potential occupant.*

I don't know your marital situation. so, if you two are still together, I withdraw my comment.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Reading through this thread is likely to give me a stroke...so I think I'll take a nap instead.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I recall the following gems:

I didn't think you loved me.

I just f**ked up.

I was afraid to divorce you because of our financial entanglements.

It's not like we had sex all the time. Maybe once a month.

You can't make me feel any worse than I feel about "myself".

I'm sorry I broke your heart.

Yes, I'd still be seeing him if we hadn't have been caught.

He claimed that he couldn't divorce his wife because she would take him to the cleaners. I told him this a no fault state.

You were so isolated from me and mean.

I just want to die.

Please don't tell his wife, I need to be able to earn a living. (She worked and was best friends with POSOM's wife - both worked at a High School)


Ahh, the memories. Bad memories.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

C-man said:


> "A women's vagina doesn't lie"


NO...but the whoor its hopelessly attached to certainly does...


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

My xw and I were talking about the need to separate her and my daughters health insurance. Originally thought they would stay on the same policy, I would pay, then take a credit for xw share against the money I owed her to be rid of her. I soon decided that was not a good idea so I obtained a policy for my daughter on her own. Went like this:
XW: But if you have her separate doesn't that cost extra?
Me; Yes, it does, but eventually I wont owe you anything and saves me from having to chase you down for your share.
XW: What are you trying to do? Get rid of me?
OMG!


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

badmemory said:


> I recall the following gems:
> 
> I didn't think you loved me.
> 
> ...


Yes, I received several of those. Still, the bad memories are fading. It is all like a dream now (and almost funny in a pathetic way)...which is fine. Let's see...

-She was so nice
-I feel like I stabbed my best friend in the back 
-I don't know why I lie
-I need therapy on why I feel I must lie (barf)
-I thought my love poem to her was really good. I was proud of it.
-What? I am not allowed to have female friends?
-You get so intense when we talk about it.



Wow. What a loser.


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## lyndyb (Feb 9, 2014)

When I first suspected my fiancé 

I intercepted a txt at 1am asked him who's gwyn H?

He said just a friend in work she is engaged to a guy called Ian
Then another txt asking him to go with her for a day trip.

Me: Have you been sleeping with her?
Him: No she's just a friend!
Me: How come I haven't heard you mention her?
I want you to take a lie detector!

HIM: Look it happened once on a works outing in 2003 we weren't together it was before I got back with you!

ME: Well if it happened when we weren't together then it has nothing to do with me, but tell her to stop texting at night!!

The txts stopped 4 months after we married I finally found out the truth.

Me: Have you been cheating on me with your co-worker gwyn h I have been told you have so I want to know the truth?

HIM: I only had sex with her twice we went to the greyhound races on a works outing in 2006, she invited me back to hers but I didn't think we would have sex. When we got to hers she said she was renowned for giving the best bl*w jobs and it just happened she made me feel wanted and special at the time.

Me: So you have been cheating and lying to me all these years and having sex with Gwyn while in a relationship with me. why didn't you tell me the truth when I asked before we got married?

Him: Because I knew you wouldn't of married me; It was just sex with her. Your the only one I have ever loved and it's you I want that's why I married you. she never meant anything to me I just used her she handed it to me on a plate. I'm so sorry!!

Me: So according to you when I go out and a guy asks me to go back to his place it's ok for me to go because he just probably wants to talk and if he tells me that He is renowned for giving the best Or*l sex then it's ok for me to have sex with him and spend the night because that means I'm special and he wants me even though I'm in a relationship with you? 

Him: No I don't no why I did it just happened I wasn't thinking!

Me: Your the only man I know that went to watch dogs racing and actually went home with one. Aintree village is missing it's idiot one already lives there and the 2nd one is here with me.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

This is a thread that deepens understanding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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