# What Do Women Feel During PIV Sex with No Orgasm?



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I was having sex with my husband this morning (missionary - him on top) and he stopped for a few seconds and I realized that I didn't even feel him inside of me. While he's moaning from pleasure, I don't really feel too much. I've never had an orgasm from PIV sex. I think it's nice and it brings us closer, but it seems pretty one-sided to me.

I was thinking of getting a vibrator, but even still, if sex lasts a few minutes, I don't think I can come in a few minutes. I guess we should start on me first. I feel more when we have sex doggy-style.

I'm just wondering, aside from the great emotional connection, what is it that women are feeling, like the ones who have sex several times a week, or every day, or are the women having an orgasm, too?


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

You should try a bullet, tell him you want to go first, and look up some techniques online for making him last longer. I know one where the man counts shallow and deep thrusts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I typically will always wait for my wife to go first. She just really has a hard time going in any position if she is not using her hand. Have you tried to use your hand while he is on top of you? 

I also just bought this new toy for her. It was from Adam and Eve and fits around my penis, it extends the girth of my penis at the base significantly (I am way thicker on top toward the head). 

It also has a small bullet type vibrator pointing directly at her clit and has a bunch of feeler things on it so when I thrust the vibrator and the feelers push on her sweet spot, that may help?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Nope, I don't feel much that way, either. Some pressure, some movement... That's about it.

Luckily my husband loves oral and will do it forever! Works for me! LoL!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Well I dont use toys or anything but I do thrust along with him while hr is on top. I always O when riding him though. We normally keep going until I have had enough. Even if that means he cums twice for my one. One thing that helps me with my O's though is contracting the muscles down there while he is thrusting. It also helps me feel more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

So, essentially, missionary position sex is just an emotional bond for women, not something that they get any significant sexual gratification out of unless toys or other stimuli are involved?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

You can't generalize like that. For some women it's just emotional and for some it's just physical and for some it's both.

Just.Depends.On.The.Woman. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> So, essentially, missionary position sex is just an emotional bond for women, not something that they get any significant sexual gratification out of unless toys or other stimuli are involved?


Ok just because there may not be an O doesnt mean there isnt significant sexual gratification. Just an emotional bond? You say that as if its kinda a bad thing....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ok just because there may not be an O doesnt mean there isnt significant sexual gratification. Just an emotional bond? You say that as if its kinda a bad thing....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not meant that way at all. I'm just trying to grasp the picture.

And Yin, I didn't mean to generalize my post to apply to all women, just trying to grasp what the majority of women feel. My understanding of missionary is that it felt (physically) good for women, but that there were other positions that felt much better (such as doggy-style).

Reading the OP and some responses, it almost sounds like women in general view missionary position as a special type of hug.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ok just because there may not be an O doesnt mean there isnt significant sexual gratification. Just an emotional bond? You say that as if its kinda a bad thing....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is a bad thing. Men start getting turned down because wifey is bored with all of that "emotional bonding" (humping). Then they start complaining they don' get sex. I wonder how many men would want to have sex twice a day if they only had three orgasms a year?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> It is a bad thing. Men start getting turned down because wifey is bored with all of that "emotional bonding" (humping). Then they start complaining they don' get sex. I wonder how many men would want to have sex twice a day if they only had three orgasms a year?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


While I agree I wouldn't like it, it would also depend on the situation. If my spouse was willing to work with me to get more orgasms I'd be a lot more into it than if my spouse was a pump and dump chump.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

LdyVenus said:


> It is a bad thing. Men start getting turned down because wifey is bored with all of that "emotional bonding" (humping). Then they start complaining they don' get sex. I wonder how many men would want to have sex twice a day if they only had three orgasms a year?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree but the orgasm thing isn't all the guys fault. 

I am willing to do oral, use toys, whatever, to ensure she gets as much out of it as I do. To ask for Missionary only and then be put off because she didn't 'O' is really just putting up a road block. 

I am not sure how to handle it for women. If you reach for a toy, it might make your husband feel inadequate. But it is up to you to ensure you are satisfied. 

What has worked for us lately is that I bought a little vibrator (Jimmyjane FORM 2 Vibrator - $145.00) that is fairly quiet and is right next to my bed. When I am thinking about making love, I make sure I have it in bed and have it warm. If she isn't into oral and we don't get there during intercourse, then I use it on her. She never says no, if I bring it out at the right time (once we are well into it).


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I'm just wondering, aside from the great emotional connection, what is it that women are feeling, like the ones who have sex several times a week, or every day, or are the women having an orgasm, too?


I think it is very important that a woman gets off first, at least once. When my DH was with me I bought her a LELO Liv which she liked and used with and without me.

She often would get very wet and it was hard for me to feel anything as a downside. She would get a O once and awhile from PIV but always got off on oral. 

Your husband's duty is to provide you a big O either with toys or oral. I do not understand how any man will not make the woman a priority when making love. I am not just starting to date since her passing and want to try some of the things we use to do. I threw away all our toys a year ago.

You can buy new toys like the LELO Liv on Amazon much cheaper than local adult toy stores. Talk to your husband, he could be clueless about your needs, some guys are just wired like that. Unless you tell them they think you are getting satisfied.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> It is a bad thing. Men start getting turned down because wifey is bored with all of that "emotional bonding" (humping). Then they start complaining they don' get sex. I wonder how many men would want to have sex twice a day if they only had three orgasms a year?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why would a wife not express the need for more than humping to her husband? My wife was not shy about asking or talking about sex and what she wanted and what she did not like, why do lovers not talk about sex?


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I agree but the orgasm thing isn't all the guys fault.


I agree women have to take charge of their own pleasure, learn how to give themselves orgasms, stop faking it, and speak up.




SadSamIAm said:


> I am willing to do oral, use toys, whatever, to ensure she gets as much out of it as I do. To ask for Missionary only and then
> be put off because she didn't 'O' is really just putting up a road block.


I am not saying always, but I think a lot of men and women are disillusioned if they think women only need an orgasm a few times a year. 





SadSamIAm said:


> I am not sure how to handle it for women. If you reach for a toy, it might make your husband feel inadequate.


This *would* be the man's fault, sometimes you have to compromise to make your partner happy.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> Why would a wife not express the need for more than humping to her husband? My wife was not shy about asking or talking about sex and what she wanted and what she did not like, why do lovers not talk about sex?


Because some women don't learn about their bodies. There was a post not long ago about a woman who had been in a 20 year marriage and she has *never* had an orgasm. That's crazy!


Being a good lover takes practice, and every person is different.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> Because some women don't learn about their bodies. There was a post not long ago about a woman who had been in a 20 year marriage and she has *never* had an orgasm. That's crazy!
> 
> 
> Being a good lover takes practice, and every person is different.




Practice or communication, exploration and practice? Sounds like the latter could be bonding, educational and fun. Sounds like it would permeate into the rest of the marriage and enhance every aspect. Just a thought.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> Because some women don't learn about their bodies. There was a post not long ago about a woman who had been in a 20 year marriage and she has *never* had an orgasm. That's crazy!
> 
> 
> Being a good lover takes practice, and every person is different.


That is crazy, and I guess I understand, some people are just different. I could not imagine not taking care of a lover, her husband must have been clueless or selfish.

One thing I learned in 30 years of marriage, speak up and talk to one another.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> It is a bad thing. Men start getting turned down because wifey is bored with all of that "emotional bonding" (humping). Then they start complaining they don' get sex. I wonder how many men would want to have sex twice a day if they only had three orgasms a year?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I am of the opinion that if one isnt getting thiers then they need to take responsibility to get thiers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> Why would a wife not express the need for more than humping to her husband? My wife was not shy about asking or talking about sex and what she wanted and what she did not like, why do lovers not talk about sex?


I know I know. Why do I find it so darn hard to communicate. I think I just have to get over being concerned about wounding his ego. 

I DO orgasm from oral sex, and it takes longer, but also from his manual stimulation. If we have sex 3x/week, I think it's unreasonable to expect oral sex 3x/week. I give him a BJ about 1x/week but 3x/week would be a lot for me. So that would leave his hand to give me an O, but that could take a really long time. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this. Maybe I should get that vibrator. Maybe I should communicate more although I would guess that my lack of vocalization during PIV sex (I do moan during oral sex) would be an indicator of my stimulation level, but I shouldn't assume that.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Experimenting with different positions to find what gives the greatest amount of pleasure for each of you is a great thing. Communicating about what gives you each pleasure is vital.

Have you ever tried something like this The BangO Vibrating Pleasure - Assorted Colors - BNG110E - A Place For Passion for your missionary position. It can extend the time that he can last, he may feel bigger inside you and the vibe is wonderful for stimulating your clit so you can get there quicker. Toys can increase the intensity of the O that you are experiencing as well.

I love having O but there are times that I don't due to stress or something and I still enjoy the intimacy. If it was a situation of "wham bam thank you maam" with no regards to my pleasure then I would not be happy with that.

I can tell if my H is gonna be more prone to a quickie, at these times I will take top where I have more control and can prolong the event til I am able to O.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I know I know. Why do I find it so darn hard to communicate. I think I just have to get over being concerned about wounding his ego. .


My DH and I seldom talked with each other about our needs for the first 10 years. But after the infidelity on both of our parts and some counseling we started talking and communicating about our needs all the time. Kept both of us on track for last 20 years. 

It is essential communicate, his ego is likely not as fragile as you might think. 98% of the time we made love I made sure she had a O. But later I found out that there were things she wanted in bed that I was not doing. She and I were both surprised some of the things we both had not expressed we both wanted to do. 

It made the last 20 years we had together a lot more fun in bed. I guess the only advise on talking to one another is, it is not what you say, it is how you say it.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

I can't O from PIV....but I still love missionary as much as any other position.

Not just the emotional bonding.... the whole "dominance" of him on top of me is hot, too. In my case, I do love the feeling, even if I don't get an O out of it.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

michzz said:


> Dont assume that because you would not tolerate giving a BJ 3 times a week that your guy would feel the same way about oral sex he performs on you.
> 
> He may want to do that every single day even if you don't.


:iagree: You are over analyzing it, I think....don't need to "keep score" on how many times someone gets a particular sexual favor and therefore have to reciprocate the exact same #. The only time it becomes significant is when one partner is being completely selfish, all the time.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> Why would a wife not express the need for more than humping to her husband? My wife was not shy about asking or talking about sex and what she wanted and what she did not like, why do lovers not talk about sex?


Sometimes its not that easy. Based on your later post in thsi thread, and the fact you didn't communicate much for the first 10 years of your marriage, I suspect you are aware of the difficulties that can exist in communication on this part.



IslandGirl3 said:


> If we have sex 3x/week, I think it's unreasonable to expect oral sex 3x/week. I give him a BJ about 1x/week but 3x/week would be a lot for me.


A) What is to much for you isn't necessarily to much for him.
B) Don't keep score.
C) Not to sound sexist here, but based on what I have read, especially on this thread, men are typically more into giving oral sex to their partner than women are, so odds are he will be up to providing more oral sex to you than you are to him.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

I'm lol'ing, because my wife is like some of the descriptions here, and it just popped into my mind that our sex life is like a game of minsesweeper, with the clues missing.... I keep guessing, sometimes I'm lucky, and win, others, it blows up in my face.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Sometimes its not that easy. Based on your later post in thsi thread, and the fact you didn't communicate much for the first 10 years of your marriage, I suspect you are aware of the difficulties that can exist in communication on this part.


I do not think it was that difficult, the problem was I was on the road all the time. Once we had children and I was traveling for work was the main communication problem. We had other things we talked about when I was able to get home. Distance was more of the issue than communication.

The silver lining to the infidelity was the end result of better communication and then came closer bonding and marriage. 

Sometimes it is a easy as just having a honest non judgmental talk with your partner. The difficult part is not letting it get to the point of frustration in your sex life. I see the cycle here all the time when I read through the forum. 

One of the two partners does not get enough sex, gets frustrated and then grumpy. Feeding the lack of wanting the bonding of sex. Most times it seems to be men but clearly it also can be women get frustrated when they are not getting their needs met. It then spirals to the point both people are frustrated and angry.

Once you step back and look at what got you to that point it is easier to see a quick but meaningful non judgmental talk with your partner earlier in the problem likely could have corrected the problem. I am sure not in all cases but I bet it would help the vast majority.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

5 - 10 minutes of PIV and my wife is cumming like a freight train. That's our particular problem - it's actually too easy for her, leaving her uninterested in experimenting with anything else. I can only remember 1 orgasm for her from anything other than PIV in nearly 3 decades.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

that sounds AWESOME!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Are you saying your husband doesn't know that you don't orgasm from missionary position sex? How long have you been married? Is this not something you talk about? Sorry, I'm a bit confused from your posts.

Anyway, I come easily from PIV missionary because over the 20+ years my husband and I have been having sex he (and I) has worked out several techniques that work. It's more a grinding move than an thrusting one.

He also gives me oral sex nearly every time we have sex, which is 4+ times a week atm. I do the same for him, it doesn't seem like much to ask to me.


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## Dulciean (Nov 18, 2012)

The OP asks what PIV feels like for other women. Well,for me I seem to have a lack of sensitivity these days especially when it comes to the missionary position. I also get very wet very quickly, making it all a bit slippery. I think maybe my husband isn't as ' big' as other lovers I have experienced, I had one lover once who was well above average size and oh my I certainly felt the difference.
Early in the relationship I would come easily when in cowgirl position, great deep orgasms that seemed to be from way inside me. But those days are gone.i also worry what I feel like for him, after birthing three huge babies over the years.
I seem to need an inordinate amount of stimulation down there these days , haven't had an O with my hubby for over two years.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> So, essentially, missionary position sex is just an emotional bond for women, not something that they get any significant sexual gratification out of unless toys or other stimuli are involved?


Not always.....I can orgasm from missionary position sex. No toys or hands just him.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Ladies.... don't ya FEEL him inside you? Don't you feel the whole sliding in and out? Don't you feel all the places the head of his penis touches inside you? It sounds like some of you are saying that you don't really feel his penis sliding around, or pressing all those places.... is that true? 

I've had 5 children, and I still feel every centimeter. Does that mean I am just lucky? (well, I do feel lucky!) Is it our physical make up that makes the difference? Or his?  Or both? 

I've never thought about this.... I thought all women feel what I feel. But now..... if they did.... there wouldn't be withholding!!!


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

I get that many women don't orgasm from PIV sex, but wait some women have PIV sex and can't even feel whether their husband's are inside or not???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Interlocutor said:


> I get that many women don't orgasm from PIV sex, but wait some women have PIV sex and can't even feel whether their husband's are inside or not???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hint to the ladies here: Think long and hard before mentioning this to your husbands.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

:rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Hint to the ladies here: Think long and hard before mentioning this to your husbands.


:lol:

Yeah the four words no man wants to hear: "Are you in yet?"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> So, essentially, missionary position sex is just an emotional bond for women, not something that they get any significant sexual gratification out of unless toys or other stimuli are involved?


No... maybe for some women but not all.


I'm just not comfortable talking about this in detail here. So suffice it to say that I feel a lot during PIV Sex. I cannot have a O with just PIV but I want a lot of PIV... in any position.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> Ladies.... don't ya FEEL him inside you? Don't you feel the whole sliding in and out? Don't you feel all the places the head of his penis touches inside you? It sounds like some of you are saying that you don't really feel his penis sliding around, or pressing all those places.... is that true?
> 
> I've had 5 children, and I still feel every centimeter. Does that mean I am just lucky? (well, I do feel lucky!) Is it our physical make up that makes the difference? Or his?  Or both?
> 
> I've never thought about this.... I thought all women feel what I feel. But now..... if they did.... there wouldn't be withholding!!!


YES I feel it all....


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I got the impression, from TAM and elsewhere, that it is not uncommon for a woman to NOT orgasm from PIV sex. When a poster asked, "does your husband know that you do not orgasm from PIV sex." I'd have to say definitely. When I do orgasm from oral sex, I am vocal and my body tenses, and I am sure there are other signs. During PIV sex, I don't make any sounds because I'm not going to be contrived - I just don't feel all that orgasm goodness.

I definitely DO feel the in and out motion, but when my H stops moving, I literally do not feel him inside me. That's in missionary. I do feel him doggie style.

With no orgasm on the horizon from PIV sex, it just feels like an in and out motion to me. We have tried several positions in the last few weeks, like cowgirl, reverse cowgirl (had to look these up - found this website List of All Sex Positions), missionary but my feet at a 90 degree angle to my body, and although some of these require acrobatic skill, I still don't feel anything close to an impending orgasm.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Missionary is my least favorite. Like some of the others, getting really wet and having little to no friction isn't great. It isn't about being "loose" or him being "tiny" it's about the arousal. More natural lubrication = more arousal = less friction. I rarely orgasm with PIV, and nothing pisses me off greater than when a man I'm with knows this, and then blocks my hand from my clit, so I not only can't orgasm from PIV (which I'm sure he's trying to get, so HE feels like superman) now I can't orgasm from my clitoris. That's why I love doggy, feels great and I can use my hand to stimulate my clit.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I am hoping that this thread is not misleading men to think that PIV, especially missionary, is a waste of effort for women. 

It's not. I absolutely love PIV. There is something about being 'filled up' that nothing else can compete with. The act of in/out is something I crave. With foreplay there comes a point where I have to have PIV.

I don't know how it is for other women of course. But for me... I crave PIV even if I do not orgasm.

I find it embarasssing to talk about this on the forum but am because the posts here are making it sound like women get nothing out of PIV... that is NOT true.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I am hoping that this thread is not misleading men to think that PIV, especially missionary, is a waste of effort for women.
> 
> It's not. I absolutely love PIV. There is something about being 'filled up' that nothing else can compete with. The act of in/out is something I crave. With foreplay there comes a point where I have to have PIV.
> 
> ...


I myself enjoy hearing what you women feel, it gives me some idea as to what is happening. I know what my wife told me she use to feel, but all women are different. 

She would sometimes get a O from PIV but only about 33% of the time. But always got a O from oral. What you are saying explains something I wondered. If a woman does not get a O from PIV, why do they like PIV.

The ladies in this thread have explained a lot of the pleasure that men like myself find hard to understand. Men seem to feel not having a O is not pleasurable for the most part. Explains why women often enjoy a quickie without a O.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Hmm, it's strange to me that you feel absolutely nothing during piv IslandGirl. Not to be crude, but is your husband very thin, girth-wise? When my husband and I have sex I can definitely feel him rubbing and filling my insides, my favorite feeling  he is on the thicker side girth wise for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> What you are saying explains something I wondered. If a woman does not get a O from PIV, why do they like PIV.
> 
> The ladies in this thread have explained a lot of the pleasure that men like myself find hard to understand. Men seem to feel not having a O is not pleasurable for the most part. Explains why women often enjoy a quickie without a O.


This for me too. It's hard to comprehend the sexual satisfaction women get as a man when an orgasm isn't involved, or in some cases even sought. This thread has been enlightening to me to understand what women in general feel in regards to PiV sex.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Code-Welder said:


> I myself enjoy hearing what you women feel, it gives me some idea as to what is happening. I know what my wife told me she use to feel, but all women are different.
> 
> She would sometimes get a O from PIV but only about 33% of the time. But always got a O from oral. What you are saying explains something I wondered. If a woman does not get a O from PIV, why do they like PIV.
> 
> The ladies in this thread have explained a lot of the pleasure that men like myself find hard to understand. Men seem to feel not having a O is not pleasurable for the most part. Explains why women often enjoy a quickie without a O.


I do not get O's from PIV alone. If I self-stimulate during PIV I do.

But I would never want to give up PIV and only get O's. Nor would I want to give up O's for only PIV. I need both.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I do not get O's from PIV alone. If I self-stimulate during PIV I do.
> 
> But I would never want to give up PIV and only get O's. Nor would I want to give up O's for only PIV. I need both.


My Dh did get them as mentioned just from PIV but it was rare and most times have a lot of warming up and time in between PIV time. 

What had me interested in reading was that it seems some ladies can enjoy just PIV sex without having a O. Not many men I know find PIV sex enjoyable unless we have a O. 

I had over the year pleasured my wife with oral without her reciprocating. Those few times were me just wanting my wife to relax and enjoy something without having to give something in return. Most times she was tired and the O just allowed her to relax further and nap or go to sleep.

The few times when I was a young man and PIV sex happened and I did not O, I ended up with sore gonads, blue balls.


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## SLOLUVR51 (Feb 28, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I agree but the orgasm thing isn't all the guys fault.
> 
> I am willing to do oral, use toys, whatever, to ensure she gets as much out of it as I do. To ask for Missionary only and then be put off because she didn't 'O' is really just putting up a road block.
> 
> ...



We just used the Form 2 this morning! She has a hitachi wand and an eroscillator both of which leave her "stunned" but for it's size, the Form 2 is awesome. It's our "travel" piece, especially with the ability to lock it out while travelling so it can't accidentaley turn on. It is quiet and unbelievably powerful for its size


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

From the descriptions, I liken it to this:

If you masturbate a man at the base of his penis, and only the base of his penis, no head action at all, he's likely to feel sexually stimulated. It will feel good, and it'll be enjoyable for me.

Some men will be able to reach climax from base-only masturbation, however many men will likely not orgasm from this. For some, even if they can, it will take a very long time, and a lot of constant stimulation to get there. And some will not feel any sensation whatsoever.

The way PIV sex is described by a lot of women (not all) just makes me think the closest approximation for a man to understand is thinking of masturbating without including the nerve sensitive head of his penis.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> My Dh did get them as mentioned just from PIV but it was rare and most times have a lot of warming up and time in between PIV time.


Sorry to go on a tangent, but . . . DH? I thought that was dear husband?


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Sorry to go on a tangent, but . . . DH? I thought that was dear husband?


I am new here and I was thinking it meant Dear Heart = which was what my wife and I use to often call each other. Kind of on the learning curve for acronyms on this forum.

Sorry if I have confused anyone.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

jaquen said:


> From the descriptions, I liken it to this:
> 
> The way PIV sex is described by a lot of women (not all) just makes me think the closest approximation for a man to understand is thinking of masturbating without including the nerve sensitive head of his penis.


Interesting analogy, my wife said there was a difference in what she said she felt when she got a G-spot O and a clitoris O. The G-spot which she got with both PIV and with oral and some digital stimulation was a deep O, a very relaxing type O. 

Both were very nice but the G-spot was a overall body relaxing feel than the clitoris O. She liked them both, the clitoris O was much easier for her to reach. I think based on what I recall they often came at random for G-spot. Maybe she was more relaxed or mentally more in tune when it happened.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I got the impression, from TAM and elsewhere, that it is not uncommon for a woman to NOT orgasm from PIV sex. *When a poster asked, "does your husband know that you do not orgasm from PIV sex." I'd have to say definitely. When I do orgasm from oral sex, I am vocal and my body tenses, and I am sure there are other signs. During PIV sex, I don't make any sounds because I'm not going to be contrived - I just don't feel all that orgasm goodness.*
> 
> I definitely DO feel the in and out motion, but when my H stops moving, I literally do not feel him inside me. That's in missionary. I do feel him doggie style.
> 
> With no orgasm on the horizon from PIV sex, it just feels like an in and out motion to me. We have tried several positions in the last few weeks, like cowgirl, reverse cowgirl (had to look these up - found this website List of All Sex Positions), missionary but my feet at a 90 degree angle to my body, and although some of these require acrobatic skill, I still don't feel anything close to an impending orgasm.


Okay, but have you talked about it? Have you talked together about how having an orgasm during sex at some point, whether from oral, hand, toys or whatever is important to you? Is it important to him?

In most women, the nerve endings don't go that far into the vagina, they're clustered around the opening. Some have a bunch a bit further up at the front - the g-spot - but others don't, I don't for example. 

So yeah, for me, no direct clitoral stimulation = no orgasm. But there are ways to get that direct stimulation during missionary position sex.

TMI possibly here. If your husband pushes in really deeply and kind of rotates his pubic bone against your clitoras at the right rate, that might work. If you are on top and you kind of lean forward and grind against him in the same way, that might work. Or doggy style and you can use your hand or a vibrator. 

But there's nothing wrong with needing oral to O. Just make sure it's part of each session.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I love love love missionary... especially the 'CAT' version  It makes my toes curl!

OP - different positions rub/stroke differently (some i feel way more than others) but any position that rubs my g-spot area sets me off... so cow girl or CAT are my most pleasurable. I only cum from PIV every now and then, usually after I've already O'd from oral but if I'm going to cum from PIV it's going to be in one of those positions and even if i don't quite get there...it sure feels good trying :smthumbup:

I really hope all you folks that aren't feeling much are doing your kegal exercises!! 
They will increase sensations/feelings for both of you...


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I love love love missionary... especially the 'CAT' version  It makes my toes curl!


Just being proactive before the question comes....CAT= Coital Alignment Technique. My wife and I use this frequently. Especially when she is on top. She has been able to O during me on top missionary but it is infrequent and requires some serious work on both our parts.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

IslandGirl3,

Thanks for this thread. It explained what I had wondered about a few things.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Thanks all! Just to get a bit more technical here - for me to orgasm from oral sex can take 10-20+ minutes. For the women who can achieve a clitoral orgasm from sex, either from her own hand, or the guys hand, or the guys penis or pelvis, since sex doesn't really last for 10-20 minutes, how can you orgasm so quickly? Are you already on the orgasm trajectory from foreplay before you begin PIV?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> Thanks all! Just to get a bit more technical here - for me to orgasm from oral sex can take 10-20+ minutes. For the women who can achieve a clitoral orgasm from sex, either from her own hand, or the guys hand, or the guys penis or pelvis, since sex doesn't really last for 10-20 minutes, how can you orgasm so quickly? Are you already on the orgasm trajectory from foreplay before you begin PIV?


I'll speak for my wife, who isn't here to speak for herself.

Sex (and I mean actual PIV, actively thrusting, real sex) can certainly last more than 20 minutes if necessary, and frequently does. Not sure why you think otherwise.

Normally, my wife needs less than 10 minutes, sometimes only 5, to achieve orgasm, and that's from a complete "cold start". She hates, loathes, and avoids foreplay like the plague, so there's no guessing here - she is NOT on the E-ticket ride to eyes-rolling-back-in-the-head before we start. Most of the time she can get to a climax before I can.

It wasn't always like this. When we first got married, it took about a year to figure it out. Ever since then, it's been at least one and as many as three per episode, all from nothing more than PIV.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> since sex doesn't really last for 10-20 minutes



:scratchhead:

Penetrative sex for plenty of people does last that long.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Well I dont use toys or anything but I do thrust along with him while hr is on top.
> *One thing that helps me with my O's though is contracting the muscles down there while he is thrusting. It also helps me feel more.*


^^^^^^
THIS right there is the answer.
Time his movements and you thrust to meet his.
Also , if you can't feel anything, just place a pillow below your hips and wrap your legs around his waist.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> Thanks all! Just to get a bit more technical here - for me to orgasm from oral sex can take 10-20+ minutes. For the women who can achieve a clitoral orgasm from sex, either from her own hand, or the guys hand, or the guys penis or pelvis, since sex doesn't really last for 10-20 minutes, how can you orgasm so quickly? Are you already on the orgasm trajectory from foreplay before you begin PIV?


For me it's both. I'm turned on first AND sex lasts 10-20 minutes. I'm older now so cold starts are hit or miss therefore I prefer foreplay.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Penetrative sex for plenty of people does last that long.


:iagree:

Didn't when I first got married but I learned ways of holding back.

Just asked my wife and she definitely 'feels' me down there.

More at the entrance and an inch or two in and at the tip if I thrust more deeply.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm going to try the pillow and contracting the muscles. I put my hands under my butt this last time to raise me up, but that didn't do much.

TAM is like mythbusters for me. I don't know why I assumed that sex usually lasted like 5 minutes. I guess I do know why - my husband has PE, although it's been a bit better lately, so if he lasts for 4 or 5 minutes, I thought that was normal. 2-3 minutes is average, and when the PE is really bad, no exaggerating, but it can last 5 seconds.

I guess since I've only had one partner my whole life, my knowledge outside of my walls has been very limited, which is why, I guess until just very recently, I never asked for or expected or wanted more and just clueless about sexual things in general. Thanks all.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I'm going to try the pillow and contracting the muscles. I put my hands under my butt this last time to raise me up, but that didn't do much.
> 
> TAM is like mythbusters for me. I don't know why I assumed that sex usually lasted like 5 minutes. I guess I do know why - my husband has PE, although it's been a bit better lately, so if he lasts for 4 or 5 minutes, I thought that was normal. 2-3 minutes is average, and when the PE is really bad, no exaggerating, but it can last 5 seconds.
> 
> I guess since I've only had one partner my whole life, my knowledge outside of my walls has been very limited, which is why, I guess until just very recently, I never asked for or expected or wanted more and just clueless about sexual things in general. Thanks all.


Ah, the dangers of generalization! In our case, PIV rarely is less than 10 minutes. It might have been a bit faster when I was younger, but not a whole lot. Maybe I could finish more quickly, but I'm not going to leave her hanging.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I'm going to try the pillow and contracting the muscles. I put my hands under my butt this last time to raise me up, but that didn't do much.
> 
> TAM is like mythbusters for me. I don't know why I assumed that sex usually lasted like 5 minutes. I guess I do know why - my husband has PE, although it's been a bit better lately, so ifhe lasts for 4 or 5 minutes, I thought that was normal. 2-3 minutes is average, and when the PE is really bad, no exaggerating, but it can last 5 seconds.


With those times it's not surprising at all that you've never even had the criteria in place to experience a vaginal orgasm, whether it's a possibility for you or not.

Also do you know how endowed your husband is? If he's smaller, or more thin, like Aribabe suggested, that could be part of the reason why you're having trouble feeling him.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

jaquen said:


> With those times it's not surprising at all that you've never even had the criteria in place to experience a vaginal orgasm, whether it's a possibility for you or not.
> 
> Also do you know how endowed your husband is? If he's smaller, or more thin, like Aribabe suggested, that could be part of the reason why you're having trouble feeling him.


Not to mention technique. It's really easy for me to engage in intercourse with my wife in such a way that she gets no benefit whatsoever from the exercise. I have to be an active participant in her pleasure for everything to work right.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I'm going to try the pillow and contracting the muscles. I put my hands under my butt this last time to raise me up, but that didn't do much.


My advice to you would be to slow down and figure out how to get all those lumpy body parts between your navel and your knees to rub, grind, slide, and slap together with your husband's in such a way that you enjoy it. 

The ol' in-and-out, rinse and repeat is insufficient. You have to discover those parts of you that can be stimulated through direct or indirect contact to corresponding parts of him.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Also do you know how endowed your husband is? If he's smaller, or more thin, like Aribabe suggested, that could be part of the reason why you're having trouble feeling him.


That's why I suggested she wraps her legs around him, and elevate her butt and contract her muscles.

Maybe she could use a different position depending on his size. She did mention that she feel something during doggie style.

Another position like lying on her stomach and keeping her legs closed would also increase friction.

But she just said that he has PE.
He also needs to work on that.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Yep, I think they are going to have to work on the PE first. If he's having issues lasting with their current technique, her suddenly becoming more active, and involved, is likely to cut his time down to virtually nothing.

There is some good info here:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/295902.html


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I'm going to try the pillow and contracting the muscles. I put my hands under my butt this last time to raise me up, but that didn't do much.
> 
> TAM is like mythbusters for me. I don't know why I assumed that sex usually lasted like 5 minutes. I guess I do know why - my husband has PE, although it's been a bit better lately, so if he lasts for 4 or 5 minutes, I thought that was normal. 2-3 minutes is average, and when the PE is really bad, no exaggerating, but it can last 5 seconds.
> 
> I guess since I've only had one partner my whole life, my knowledge outside of my walls has been very limited, which is why, I guess until just very recently, I never asked for or expected or wanted more and just clueless about sexual things in general. Thanks all.


One way my wife and I 'cheat' a little is she will at some point in the proceedings do cowgirl this works very well for her because she can control any 'grinding' herself. Even sometimes laying full length on top of me which really squeezes her around my penis. Incorporating this will usually get her off within ten minutes. It has the added advantage that this position is the easiest for me to control my orgasm. A typical quickie 'vanilla' session would be 'Scissor' spooning, then cowgirl for her O, then missionary for my O.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Some of PE can be from conditioning. Think about puberty, when most guys are trying to get themselves off quickly so they don't get interrupted. Changing this pattern and trying to lengthen the amount of time that is spent before ejaculation is helpful. Exercising the PC muscle is also beneficial. When erect, place a wet washcloth on the erection and lift. If you are unsure what this looks like, cough and watch the lift. That is the motion that you want to intentionally do.

For women, kegel exercises are the way to tone the PC muscle. Ben Wa balls can be used as a tool to help exercise. There is also a newer device by Jopen called the Intensity. Intensity By Jopen - JO4710003 - A Place For Passion This product design was originally just for improving PC muscle tone for incontinence. It now has a vibe added so it doubles for pleasure as well, still working those PC muscles.

If PIV does not last very long it is important to spend more time on the foreplay. It may take a bit of exploration to find what works best, but that can be a ton of fun.

A similar vibe to the Form 2, but cheaper, is the Muse. Muse Massager - Purple - NSN0212-15 - A Place For Passion


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes, the PE needs to be worked out first. My husband has great pelvic floor control and can usually go for as long as necessary, definitely more than 10 or 20 minutes. 

Have you tried him giving you oral until you are really close and then switching to PIV? I bet if he did that and then found a position where his pelvic bone and the base of the penis were rubbing against your clitoris you'd be able to orgasm.

Also, if you kind of hook your legs over his you can often pull yourself closer so that when he moves in and out he's never actually losing contact and if everything is positioned well that can work too.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

MrAvg said:


> *It also taught me that a woman's body has a lot of erogenous zones, and if you work the woman's whole body and take your time women can really enjoy everything fro ear lobes to toes*.


Very few men [ and some women ] actually know this.
That's why women love neck/ back rubs and full body massages, especially if the man knows exactly how much pressure to apply , when to use his his entire palm and when to use the tip of his fingers.

Behind the knees ,hamstrings , glutes ,feet , calves , small of her back , neck, clolar bone , pelvic region , spinal erectors, spine and many , many more erogenous zones on a woman's body.

IMO, a woman's body has even more erogenous zones than a man's

Most times guy usually rush to the breasts and "ve jay-jay", and the woman has to mentally focus on building her own pleasure.

A simple , but effective technique is blindfolding the woman , and giving her a _sensual_ massage. [ Very light touches ] Alternate with fingertips and something light, eg; a feather.
Blindfolding usually causes the other senses to hieghten,so her skin become more responsive to touch. The lighter the touch the more aroused she gets.


If a man takes time to explore his woman's body, she would never be bored in the bedroom.


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## Dulciean (Nov 18, 2012)

Just to clarify- I can feel my husband when he enters , it just gets reduced if I'm too wet and missionary doesn't do it justice really. It's an angle thing also... Learning so much from this thread! 
I think if I lost some weight I might be able to get into more positions for better PIV sensations...and I really should be doing my kegels. I have asked my husband, and previous partners how I feel for them inside- have been told I'm 'tight' but hey maybe I have only met gentlemen... That could be a whole other thread!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Dulciean said:


> I think if I lost some weight I might be able to get into more positions for better PIV sensations...and I really should be doing my kegels.


If you workout, 
focus on squats and lunges, AB rollouts etc.
When working your abs a movement you maight want to include is this:
Lie flat on the floor [ on your back ] and grasp a stability ball between your ankles. Raise your legs slightly off the floor and twist the ball clockwise and anti clockwise. Do not let it touch the round.
It works the lower abs, PC, glutes and leg muscles.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

thanks all so much. I never really thought there was a correlation between PE and me reaching an orgasm from PIV sex, since I thought that I couldn't, it didn't really matter how long he was in me. When he lasts a very short time - 30 seconds to 2-3 minutes, and I can tell he's so frustrated and exasperated, I always thought "no big deal to me - I don't get anything from this anyway." 

I guess PE is the elephant in the room we need to deal with. I guess I need to bring it up. I can't believe how sexually unaware I have been and that I never knew how long average sex lasted. I thought 5 minutes was average. Now I realize that even 5 minutes is PE.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Both of you can work on it together and it can be fun and sexy at the same time!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

and thanks MrAvg for telling your tale of PE and how you overcame it. I got my husband the book, 'she comes first' (he gave up halfway through) which is like your tale - the author had PE so he wanted to compensate by becoming great at oral sex. OS is the only way I can orgasm, but it usually feel likes it's a race to the finish for my H. He goes straight for the clitoris and fiercely licks away. I do come, but I know it can feel better, but I digress....

oh and to reply to a prior question - I did measure my husband a few months ago with my fingers then went to a ruler - he is 6" long when erect. I didn't measure the diameter, but right now I'd guess 1-1/4".


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

IslandGirl3 said:


> Thanks all! Just to get a bit more technical here - for me to orgasm from oral sex can take 10-20+ minutes. For the women who can achieve a clitoral orgasm from sex, either from her own hand, or the guys hand, or the guys penis or pelvis, since sex doesn't really last for 10-20 minutes, how can you orgasm so quickly? Are you already on the orgasm trajectory from foreplay before you begin PIV?


I don't orgasm all that quick, it usually takes me around the same time, I used to think that my partner would get tired of doing it, and it would stress me, and then take longer. But the general concensus is that they love doing it and will stay there forever...lol, so phew on that.

As for the feeling, I get what you are saying. Before I hit my 40's I really didn't feel all that much during sex no matter what position. I really didn't get all that wet either. He'd perform oral sex or I'd use my vibrator during sex. Once I hit 40 or so, I started feeling everything, it was odd really. I think it had to do with sexual confidence, as well as hormones at my age (45). I've only O'd once through sex, and for me it was a surprise. Now, I feel everything, I can feel when my partner is close to cuming, and just at the point he does, it's an awesome feeling. I havent' felt that with all my partners, it really depends on the chemistry I think.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I guess PE is the elephant in the room we need to deal with. I guess I need to bring it up. I can't believe how sexually unaware I have been and that I never knew how long average sex lasted. I thought 5 minutes was average. Now I realize that even 5 minutes is PE.


5 minutes is not generally considered to be a length of time associated with PE. There is lots of conflicting data out there, but in most studies the 5 minute range is well within average.

If the vast majority of the time he's lasting about 5 minutes, that's pretty average. Yes many men can go longer, but many, many can not.

But if 5 minutes is a high, but he's typically in the 1-2 minute range, or even less, then overall I'd say that is PE.

Also understand that PE is less about time, and more about control. If a man feels he is reaching orgasm much sooner than he likes, and has no control, that is the problem.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

this morning my husband and I had sex after he did OS on me and I gave him a BJ. I put a pillow under my back (I'm going to buy a wedge - i think that will work better) and squeezed my muscles more to try and feel more.

I usually do feel more after OS, so between those 3 factors (OS, pillow, muscles) I think I may have begun to feel something begin to build! Maybe that was my g-spot - I don't know. Too bad sex only lasted 2 minutes, if that long. (how could he come in 2 minutes after just coming 5 minutes before?? I guess that's what PE means). For the first time ever I thought that maybe if it lasted 10 minutes, I might orgasm from PIV sex. Maybe that's wishful thinking or projecting all my thoughts coming from this poye husband that I'd like to work together with him to last longer.

Funny how after decades of not thinking about it, I'm now thinking that he's had thousands of more orgasms than me and I want some equity here!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> this morning my husband and I had sex after he did OS on me and I gave him a BJ. I put a pillow under my back (I'm going to buy a wedge - i think that will work better) and squeezed my muscles more to try and feel more.
> 
> I usually do feel more after OS, so between those 3 factors (OS, pillow, muscles) I think I may have begin to feel something begin to build! Maybe that was my g-spot - I don't know. Too bad sex only lasted 2 minutes, if that long. (how could he come in 2 minutes after just coming 5 minutes before?? I guess that's what PE means). For the first time ever I thought that maybe if it lasted 10 minutes, I might orgasm from PIV sex. Maybe that's wishful thinking or projecting all my thoughts coming from this post into mind over matter. Regardless, I'm going to get the guts, and take MrAvg's advice and tell me husband that I'd like to work together with him to last longer.
> 
> Funny how after decades of not thinking about it, I'm now thinking that he's had thousands of more orgasms than me and I want some equity here!


But be careful to approach it sensitively. You don't want to make it sound as though you are being critical of him.

I haven't read alll the replies you have had, but for me it is not a natural thing. Some men are just born 'long lasting' others, like me, have to really work at it.

And believe me when I say how upsetting it is to have PE. You feel a failure as a man.

One of the techniques I used was the old stop-start routine.
Every time I felt the tingling beginning I would stop or we would change position. It seems to me also that it is the first urge to ejaculate that is the worst. Once I have stopped that I am good to go nowadays.
Also as i mentioned try different positions, cowgirl especially is very good.


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## fin (Jan 13, 2013)

If you enjoy being able to look into his eyes while you have sex, you could try oiling both your bodies, have him push his penis all the way into you, he cant thrust he has to move his body up and down on yours without breaking the contact between your gentials and him. It works even better when you're on top. There will be less direct stimulation of his penis which should help him to last longer for you and if he does cum just keep going until you orgasm.

My husband loves that one with me on top controlling the contact and speed. It is a total change of pace. He can also stimulate your nipples at the same time. 

The other position that works best for me is lying over a pillow on my stomach with my husband entering me from behind and rubbing my palm against my clitorus and pubic bone. Again my husband lets me control the speed and movement on his penis, this one really does make him cum though, there is something about thrusting back on him that makes him go wild. It is also the quickest way for me to orgasm the stimulation of both my clitorus and my g spot is phenomonal.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

fin - I'll try that! 

WyshIKnew, since you're a guy who had PE, how exactly should I word it so that I am sensitive and not critical? I've been so sensitive I haven't said anything in 30 years, but now it's time. Please write me a script. And where/when am I saying this? Before sex? After sex? Out at a bar? Just hanging out in the bedroom? Do I say something like, "There's something that I want to talk to you about that I know you're very sensitive about..." 

I just don't know what to say next. help.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> Funny how after decades of not thinking about it, I'm now thinking that he's had thousands of more orgasms than me and I want some equity here!


I would say something that may sound a bit controversial.
During sex, pleasure and a woman's orgasm lies in her own hands [ no pun intended.]
Yes a man is supposed to know a woman's body, and how to bring her to that point. But it works 100% better when a woman knows what she wants during sex and communicates that effectively with her partner, and does what it takes for her to climax.
So you must first know what excites your body, what positions work best , and do not leave your orgasm up to chance.
In your case, you need to take control in the bedroom.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

CAribbean Man, what do you mean, "take control in the bedroom?" communicate better? use my own hands?

MrAvg, in a prior post you wrote, "the book mentioned above is a good one." Maybe I'm skimming too fast, but I couldn't find the book you're referring to.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> CAribbean Man, what do you mean, "take control in the bedroom?" communicate better? use my own hands?


You are the one who came here seeking answers , and you got some great answers.
He's still in the dark, and he's got that PE problem.
So you need to take the lead, and the first step.

By taking control , you must first let him know that you want to improve the sex both of you have. Let him know that you need more than just two or three minutes of penetration in order to climax. I'm sure he's aware of this , but is a bit embarassed to bring it up.
Both of you should then try whatever method together to make him last longer, so that you don't come across as being impatient. [ probably what Mr.Avg recomended in the book ]

My suggestions are;
1] Have sex multiple times. So after his first orgasm, let him rest [ 15 - 20 mins ] and start all over again. He would take longer to orgasm the second time , and his brain will get accustomed to the sensation of your ve-jay-jay.

2]Tell him to relax. Performance anxiety increases PE. If the abdominal muscles are tensed and the body is tense, it increases PE.

3]Have him masturbate or you give him handjobs. Know the signs of his orgasmic reflexes, or when he's nearing orgasm. When he's reaching that point stop, and don't touch the penis. Repeat a few times .This would help him get control of his orgasmic reflexes. Again, he must be totally relaxed. It takes time and practice.

4] Give him a sensual massage either with soap [ in the shower ] or oil.Massage the pelvic area WITHOUT TOUCHING HIS PENIS. Get him to relax the muscles in that area, and then give him the handjob at the end.When giving the handjob, experiment with different speeds [ fast , slow] tension, [ tight ,very loose] strokes [up/ down , screwdriver , butterfly etc] and use the same start / stop method above. Get him to last as long as possible

5] Increase the sex frequency per week, and maybe plan it.

Make it fun and exciting, after he cums, let him give you a sensual massage , and bring you to orgasm a few times.

Then later on you all can have PIV sex after he has rested.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> fin - I'll try that!
> 
> WyshIKnew, since you're a guy who had PE, how exactly should I word it so that I am sensitive and not critical? I've been so
> I haven't said anything in 30 years, but now it's time. Please write me a script. And where/when am I saying this? Before sex? After sex? Out at a bar? Just hanging out in the bedroom? Do I say something like, "There's something that I want to talk to you about that I know you're very sensitive about..."
> ...



Well obviously you know your hubby best.
I would suggest as little pressure as possible as this can make it worse.
Rather than word it as "I want you to last longer" could you suggest it as a sex game?
Sort of suggest 1 to 2 minutes in one position then stop and change and so on.
And if he lasts 5minutes praise the heck out of him. It might sound silly but we do like to think we are 'the man' in the bedroom.

Tell him OMG that was amazing another thirty seconds and you would have so given me an amazing O.
And I didn't 'have' PE I still have it if I don't try I will still shoot too quickly. It's not your hubbies fault it is just the way he is wired. After all he is so in love with you that he loses control when making love to you.


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## fin (Jan 13, 2013)

Hey a fun easy way to increase your pelvic floor muscles is to buy some kegal balls. They add a bit of interest to your day, and they can be rather special when you masturbate or your partner wants to play. I highly recommend you get smooth ones.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> thanks all so much. I never really thought there was a correlation between PE and me reaching an orgasm from PIV sex, since I thought that I couldn't, it didn't really matter how long he was in me. When he lasts a very short time - 30 seconds to 2-3 minutes, and I can tell he's so frustrated and exasperated, I always thought* "no big deal to me - I don't get anything from this anyway."*


I hope you only thought that and never actually said it. If you did, that's likely going to hit his ego pretty hard, even if you didn't mean it like it sounds. 



IslandGirl3 said:


> and thanks MrAvg for telling your tale of PE and how you overcame it. I got my husband the book, 'she comes first' (he gave up halfway through) which is like your tale - the author had PE so he wanted to compensate by becoming great at oral sex. OS is the only way I can orgasm, but it usually feel likes it's a race to the finish for my H. He goes straight for the clitoris and fiercely licks away. I do come, but I know it can feel better, but I digress....
> 
> oh and to reply to a prior question - I did measure my husband a few months ago with my fingers then went to a ruler - he is 6" long when erect. I didn't measure the diameter, but right now I'd guess 1-1/4".


Are you sure it's only 1 1/4 inches? The typical girth of a male penis is (IIRC) like 4 inches or so. 1 1/4 is like a pencil. If he is even close to that skinny, it could explain why you don't feel him.

Measure him. Most guys usually don't mind and are willing to use any excuse to have their women handle their equipment


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Are you sure it's only 1 1/4 inches? The typical girth of a male penis is (IIRC) like 4 inches or so. 1 1/4 is like a pencil. If he is even close to that skinny, it could explain why you don't feel him.
> 
> Measure him. Most guys usually don't mind and are willing to use any excuse to have their women handle their equipment


She said diameter, not circumference! 1-1/4 diameter is probably around 4" girth. I'm betting the real measurements are larger.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> She said diameter, not circumference! 1-1/4 diameter is probably around 4" girth. I'm betting the real measurements are larger.


Ahhh, ok. I misread then. Good thing for him. I'd hate to be walking around packing a #2 HB pencil in my holster.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

It feels like a broom poking me in the crotch. Over and over and over again. Granted, I am not in love with him, I do love/care about him. But the emotional connection for me is lacking. When we were first together, it was great & it felt incredibly connecting. Now, it's annoying & takes him too long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I measured - 1-1/2" diameter. My thumb and index finger went around the penis and touched. 

I will try that idea of different positions and stopping for a few minutes in between.

Thanks for that link, MrAvg.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I measured - 1-1/2" diameter. My thumb and index finger went around the penis and touched.


^^^^^^
This right there 
If his diameter is just 1.5" , then his circumfrence or girth is just around 4". 
Maybe its well within average range , but it sounds a bit below average to me.


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## Zing (Nov 15, 2012)

I've mentioned this in other threads before, but I've never had an orgasm with PIV ever either - not even close in the past 10 years since I've been married.... the only way I can orgasm is through finger stimulation or nipples when I'm really aroused...however, I've always cherished PIV (even when I was very LD) since I love the feeling of skin on skin...I love watching my husband's arms/chest/shoulders as we do it...I like his weight/strength on me - it reminds me of his masculinity...I like the visuals of a man on a woman - have always loved it...the very picture that's always been the epitome of passion/sex
I'd love it more if he could pin me down or breathe into my ear when we did it missionary style, but he can only seem to orgasm while he's kneeling...

I'm guessing my husband's average...neither too big or small....

When I was LD, I could feel him going in and out and I just liked the intimate feeling then...now that I have a much better drive, my G-spot's come to life and I like the tingling feeling when its automatically brushed against...he lasts about 2-3 minutes (and that's how it has been always)... 

What PIV means to me - intimacy, intimacy, intimacy
As Ele mentioned, PIV is as important as my own orgasm is to me... 

For men who're trying to understand what PIV would mean to a woman who doesn't orgasm from it - well... it would be something like a man who LOVES giving his wife oral -> he derives pleasure from her pleasure and they both derive intimacy from it ...


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Zing said:


> I've mentioned this in other threads before, but I've never had an orgasm with PIV ever either - not even close in the past 10 years since I've been married.... the only way I can orgasm is through finger stimulation or nipples when I'm really aroused...however, I've always cherished PIV (even when I was very LD) since I love the feeling of skin on skin...I love watching my husband's arms/chest/shoulders as we do it...I like his weight/strength on me - it reminds me of his masculinity...I like the visual picture of a man on a woman - have always loved it...the very picture that's always been the epitome of passion/sex
> I'd love it more if he could pin me down or breathe into my ear when we did it missionary style, but he can only seem to orgasm while he's kneeling...
> 
> I'm guessing my husband's average...neither too big or small....
> ...


I love this post. Thanks for sharing. It definately drives home that women get an intimate feeling from PiV when described like this.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

My wife only achieves orgasm from PiV from Reverse Cowgirl (because she can control the action) and Missionary with her legs closed and me on the outside. I'm an average-sized guy, but we can't do doggy-style because she says the penetration is too deep and hurts. She gets pleasure from most other positions, but is unable to orgasm from them.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I love this post. Thanks for sharing. It definately drives home that women get an intimate feeling from PiV when described like this.



I agree the post has been enlightening. Since I am back to to dating since my wife's passing I was wondering something. It has been so long since I was with anyone but her. Can you ladies perhaps tell us clueless men, what in general speed wise do women tend to enjoy. I know this is a broad question and all ladies are different in what they like, but is there a general preference?

Slow or fast or a combination of both? Late 60s and starting to date has been hard for me. I know what my wife enjoyed but now I am seeing younger women and some my age. Just not sure what to expect. So far just lunch with a few ladies and one I have seen a few times for dinner and a movie. I am taking it slow as I ease back into seeing women.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> I agree the post has been enlightening. Since I am back to to dating since my wife's passing I was wondering something. It has been so long since I was with anyone but her. Can you ladies perhaps tell us clueless men, what in general speed wise do women tend to enjoy. I know this is a broad question and all ladies are different in what they like, but is there a general preference?
> 
> Slow or fast or a combination of both? Late 60s and starting to date has been hard for me. I know what my wife enjoyed but now I am seeing younger women and some my age. Just not sure what to expect. So far just lunch with a few ladies and one I have seen a few times for dinner and a movie. I am taking it slow as I ease back into seeing women.


That is a very broad question and the answer can vary greatly from one woman to the next. Personally, I would say that in the beginning, soft touch and maybe a bit on the slower side is a good thing. Plenty of foreplay is always good. As arousal increases what is desired can change. 

Communicating is going to be key. Ask what she enjoys. Have her demonstrate. Also know that what may have worked for her with a different partner may not work for her with you. There is a lot of variation in anatomy in both women and men. I know that isn't a nice, neat answer but there are just so many factors that can play into the situation. 

My best advice would be to take your time and really enjoy the exploration.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> That is a very broad question and the answer can vary greatly from one woman to the next. Personally, I would say that in the beginning, soft touch and maybe a bit on the slower side is a good thing. Plenty of foreplay is always good. As arousal increases what is desired can change.
> 
> Communicating is going to be key. Ask what she enjoys. Have her demonstrate. Also know that what may have worked for her with a different partner may not work for her with you. There is a lot of variation in anatomy in both women and men. I know that isn't a nice, neat answer but there are just so many factors that can play into the situation.
> 
> My best advice would be to take your time and really enjoy the exploration.


All of what you say I already know and thanks for reminding me. 

It is going to take some time to get use to learn again what other women like in bed. I was so in tune with my wife and her needs. After 20 years I have to refresh my memory on what it takes to communicate and relearn how to communicate with other women on this level of intimacy. It has been a long time.

Again thanks for the refreshing my memory.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> I agree the post has been enlightening. Since I am back to to dating since my wife's passing I was wondering something. It has been so long since I was with anyone but her. Can you ladies perhaps tell us clueless men, what in general speed wise do women tend to enjoy. I know this is a broad question and all ladies are different in what they like, but is there a general preference?
> 
> Slow or fast or a combination of both? Late 60s and starting to date has been hard for me. I know what my wife enjoyed but now I am seeing younger women and some my age. Just not sure what to expect. So far just lunch with a few ladies and one I have seen a few times for dinner and a movie. I am taking it slow as I ease back into seeing women.


For my wife, the preferred pace starts out slow and quickens as arousal rises. By the end, she wants a good jackhammering (for want of a better word, I'll use Aribabe's terminology) to take her over the falls. Sometimes it's slow and sensual from start to finish. It's my job to figure out which is appropriate on any given day.

As usual, even for one woman, there's no single correct answer.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

Islandgirl. It seems to me like you are over thinking things a lot. Why not just get a toy that can last as long as the batteries have juice and plug away?


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## phlea (Apr 18, 2018)

Like she is fulfilling her wifely duty.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

What a great zombie thread! An oldie but goodie. Fun to read what people said way back when.


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## phlea (Apr 18, 2018)

?


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## phlea (Apr 18, 2018)

Gaia said:


> Well I am of the opinion that if one isnt getting thiers then they need to take responsibility to get thiers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been responsible for my own since 1994 except for maybe 3 or 4 times a year.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

When my wife scratches my back it feels nice. I like it. It doesn't give me an orgasm, but I still like her to do it. Some things are just that simple.

What makes it not simple: When people stress over their partner not having an orgasm in the way/method that they want them to in order for 
themselves to feel good about there own "performance".

What Do Women Feel During PIV Sex with No Orgasm: That they had their back scratched ? In some ways....perhaps.


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## PreRaph (Jun 13, 2017)

I had a girlfriend who could not come from PIV, but she did tell me that it was still nice, like getting a good massage. Me rubbing her clitoris with my hand in a circular motion did make her come...like they say, no 2 women are the same!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Cletus said:


> For my wife, the preferred pace starts out slow and quickens as arousal rises. By the end, she wants a good jackhammering (for want of a better word, I'll use Aribabe's terminology) to take her over the falls. Sometimes it's slow and sensual from start to finish. It's my job to figure out which is appropriate on any given day.
> 
> *As usual, even for one woman, there's no single correct answer.*




Ain't that the truth!!!


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