# Need a man's perspective (gay, straight, and bi)



## Pink Peony

I just need some manly advice to explain some of my husband's behaviors so that maybe I can get a better understanding of what the hecks going on.

I posted another thread 2 days ago titled "Is my hubby bisexual." I wrote detailed info in that thread on my current situation if you would like to read it to catch up and are curious as to why I am asking these questions.

My husband goes on trips (business and pleasure fishing) usually once or twice a month. I started suspecting something was going on awhile ago. I'm a stay at home mom and obviously I do the laundry. I started noticing a lot of semen stains in his boxers during the week from while he's at work and ones that come back from his trips.

I'm pretty sure that I already know the answer to this question but just wanted to ask and get some feedback. I've noticed that on multiple occasions when he has returned from one of his trips he has worn a certain pair of boxers (usually the ones he has traveled back in) for several days even after taking multiple showers. It's not like he doesn't have clean ones to wear. Is this an attempt to cover up a sex smell or something? My hubby is the MOST anal person about his cleanliness, so it just doesn't make sense.

Secondly, and if you read my previous thread you can get a better understanding of this question, but I have noticed on a few occasions white stains by his anal area inside his boxers. He is not a lotion user except when he masturbates. He doesn't have any other creams that he is using either. Could these stains be from having anal sex? The reminantes of lube, lotion, etc.?

Thirdly, when he returns from these trips, about 99% of the time he returns with stuff in his boxers. Semen, lotion, latex smell, semen stains on the outside anal area of his boxers, etc. Therefore, when I discover this I go into depressed, anger, distant, pull away from him mode. I am the type of person who wears my emotions on my sleeve so he always picks up that something is wrong. He will obsess about why I am distant, upset, etc. Calling me numerous times a day, asking me a millions time a day whats wrong and I usually just say, I'm tired, not feeling well or something along those lines. And typically he does not act like this. But after a few days when I'm over moping, it's like he's the happiest man ever. And stops calling me during the day to check in. Could this behavior be because he feels guilty and suspects I know something about his trip??

Also, is it normal for hetero men to masturbate using anal beads frequently?


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## Chris Taylor

You mentioned in the other post that you tested the stains and they weren't semen. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be suspicious but you seem to be jumping to conclusions and need HARD facts.

He could be masturbating. He could have hemorrhoids. He could be having sex. You have a lot of dots but unless you can pull them together, you're just spinning your wheels.


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## Pink Peony

Talking is usually a dead end with him. He pretty much just tells me what he thinks I want to hear, denys any of my concerns, and often blows up if I touch on a subject that pisses him off. He does not know that I check his underwear and I would never tell him, because that is all I have to go on at the moment. I've asked many times what goes on on these trips and of course it's never anything. Just business or fishing. I'm almost positive that he is cheating but just need some feedback and viewpoints from others who may provide some incite on his behaviors.


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## C123

I wonder if you have started a new post because you didn't like the responses you got in the other post.

There are a ton of red flags in your marriage. You've softened the post here a little so you may not get such blunt responses and that won't do you, your sanity or your marriage any favors.


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## Pink Peony

C123 said:


> I wonder if you have started a new post because you didn't like the responses you got in the other post.
> 
> There are a ton of red flags in your marriage. You've softened the post here a little so you may not get such blunt responses and that won't do you, your sanity or your marriage any favors.


You will have to forgive me, as I am new to this site and have never posted anything on a forum before. So, I am still learning.

I am looking for any advise that I can get on my situation no matter how harsh the responses are. I know my marriage is terrible. I am just trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together and need help from anyone. I am emotionally overwhelmed with all of this and trying to figure out what to do about it.


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## Pink Peony

I will, thanks!


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## Jason439

With regard to the white stains in his boxers, could it be hemorrhoid cream?

Just a thought. The semen stains and latex smell are odd. His behavior also seems strange.


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## RClawson

Pink I know you mentioned saving pennies for the PI. Is there anyone or anyway you can get a loan from family or even a credit card. These are pretty serious concerns and you are going to go banana's until you get the truth but my sense is that if you find out that this will be over and you will be getting your fair share. 

There are more red flags in your relationship than at a Chinese Olympic event. It is time to confront them.


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## Pink Peony

Just posted a novel in my other thread "Is my hubby bisexual"....comments anyone????


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## anotherguy

Pink Peony said:


> stains by his anal area inside his boxers.


Are you making this up?

I tell you. When I travel for business.. away from the wife and family... and get quiet time alone a big bed at night... I do take the opportunity and totally relax and masturbate. That may include lotion - which typically I dont use since I expect my wife wouldnt appreciate tasting that etc. I am embarassed to admit assplay on myself is not that uncommon. Shrug.

But. The smell of latex? Odd obsessive behavior?

Its hard for me to guage how much your insecurity and pouting is playing into this - but those last 2 would be pretty big red flags to me.

You need to find a way to ask. 'wow you got lotion and stains all over your shorts...even near your ass (or even in the backside). Are you partying by yourself or ar you recruiting help... you have been acting wierd.'

I agree your other thread pretty much sums up the guesswork of everyone on the topic. Trust your gay-dar if its going off.


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## MaritimeGuy

anotherguy said:


> I tell you. When I travel for business.. away from the wife and family... and get quiet time alone a big bed at night... I do take the opportunity and totally relax and masturbate. That may include lotion - which typically I dont use since I expect my wife wouldnt appreciate tasting that etc. I am embarassed to admit assplay on myself is not that uncommon. Shrug.


Do you then pull on your underwear immediately afterwards...or do you clean up first? In my mind coming home from a business trip with stains in your underwear is just plain weird. 

It's really hard to say what he's up to. From what we've heard it would seem he's up to something. Either that or you (Pink Peony) are unjustifiably paranoid. I think this has hit the stage where professional assistance in the form of counselling is required. You can't keep living like this...not and stay sane.


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## anotherguy

MaritimeGuy said:


> Do you then pull on your underwear immediately afterwards...or do you clean up first? In my mind coming home from a business trip with stains in your underwear is just plain weird.


I agree. I said masturbate, I didnt say I become a pig.


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## jaquen

Are you sure there isn't more to the story? Because based off the details in the OP I can't fathom how you could jump to the conclusion that your husband might be bisexual.

Have you ever actually caught him talking to another man? Checking men out? Watching gay/bi porn, or seeing traces of it in the history? 

As far as anal beads, lots of heterosexual men love anal pleasure. Being a man means you're designed to experience pleasure from prostate stimulation, and that physiological reality is devoid of sexual orientation. A lot of straight men will never go there, or admit to going there, because of ignorant stigmas, but it doesn't mean that it's not potentially pleasurable.

Have you ever thought that the "white stuff" in the back of his boxers is the residue of lube he uses when playing with his own butt? It doesn't mean that it's lube somebody else used to screw him from behind.

The man described in the OP could easily be enjoying a lot of masturbation, or he could be cheating on you with a man or a woman. More details as to why you suspect he's with other men would help.


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## thunderstruck

Unless he's careless/stupid, I doubt he's cheating if he consistently has this streak going in his boxers. I don't make it a point to inspect mine, but I would think I'd notice at some point if I was leaving a white streak in them on a regular basis. 

And if I was getting nailed, I'd be a bit more careful with the evidence. I agree with the others that the hubby here is probably enjoying some solo activities.


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## Chelle D

plus.. the latex smell could be a latex type toy he could be using on himself.

But... I would think he would be trying to cover up any signs of it. Cleaning up any messes.

Honey.. .Do you check his internet site history? Can you do a keylogger? 

Or is this underwear the ONLY sign to you that something is up?? And yes.. I know I posted in the mens clubhouse (taboo??)

Oh, and by the way... maybe your hubby is just good on picking up your signs/tells when you are depressed. When I'm upset about something, even when I try not to show it, my husband knows something is wrong within the first minute I walk in the door... Or the first couple mins of talking to me. 
And yes, he is much more attentive & calls, etc, when he knows I'm sad about something. Then, he tappers off & doesn't show the concern when I'm over it a few days later. I think that part is very normal.


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## jaquen

Chelle D said:


> Oh, and by the way... maybe your hubby is just good on picking up your signs/tells when you are depressed. When I'm upset about something, even when I try not to show it, my husband knows something is wrong within the first minute I walk in the door... Or the first couple mins of talking to me.
> And yes, he is much more attentive & calls, etc, when he knows I'm sad about something. Then, he tappers off & doesn't show the concern when I'm over it a few days later. I think that part is very normal.


That's exactly how I am. 

I can't fathom what's wrong with an intuitive man knowing something is off with his wife, and putting in extra effort to discover what's the matter.

In most circles that behavior is a GOOD thing.


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