# Old Rumor Still Haunts Me



## wonderingwife1

I will try to make this as short as possible. 
Been married to my hubby for 24 years, 3 kids, we got married really young. 20 and 18. For the most part our marriage has been good. 
Right now, our marriage is fine. My husband preaches at our church from time to time, and preaches at a local prison, and considers himself saved. 
Back in October I found out from an old friend that my husband had bragged to him about sleeping with one of my friends the night before he and I were married. He told me this because my hubby and I were having problems, and this guy saw my girlfriend on my Facebook. he didn't want me spilling my heart out to her. I told him that we were close in high school, but on facebook just acquaintances (or old high school relations).

I had a mutual friend ask her about it and she was really angry. She said she's never been attracted to my hubby, was engaged back then, and would never think of doing that to me or anyone else. She was very offended.

So we came to the conclusion, that my husband was young and dumb and lying...trying to "impress the guys". 

It still hurt, but I got thru it. He doesn't know I was told this.

Fast forward to last week, I was going thru our computer history because I have teens and often check up on them, well...I found that my husband did a search for my friend's facebook page. he found it, but only looked thru her profile. 

So...I'm hurt all over again. I wonder to myself if he is still attracted to her, wanted to be with her, etc. 

And NO, I cannot talk to him about it because he will only blow up, get angry, and turn it all on me. Story of our lives. 
Because of my recent health issues, I've been trying to live a more relaxed life, but this really stresses me out. 

I'm hurt because it makes me feel like I was a second choice. Even though they never dated. 

We have always had issues, but like I said, right now we are fine. 5 mins ago he sent me the "daily text", .."I love you. See you after work." But then I start thinking of the rumors, our past problems, him searching for her, etc......

How do I get passed this?


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## Blanca

wonderingwife1 said:


> And NO, I cannot talk to him about it because he will only blow up, get angry, and turn it all on me. Story of our lives.


If this is the only reason you are avoiding talking to him then that is not healthy for you. He's intimidating you. Even if you never bring up this particular subject how can you feel loved by him if him blowing up at you is the story of your marriage? I think that in itself needs to be addressed.


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## wonderingwife1

Blanca said:


> If this is the only reason you are avoiding talking to him then that is not healthy for you. He's intimidating you. Even if you never bring up this particular subject how can you feel loved by him if him blowing up at you is the story of your marriage? I think that in itself needs to be addressed.


Yes, I realize it is not healthy for me. But we have never been good communicators. I've been praying for years for God to change this part of my marriage, but He hasn't yet. or..it hasn't really changed. Somethings we can talk about, others I just deal with on my own. 
He doesn't always blow up, sometimes we just got w/out speaking for days if it doesn't get resolved.


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## 827Aug

Has he ever given any indication he has been unfaithful during your marriage? If not, I would quit worrying about something that may or may not have happened all those years ago. Nothing good will come from dredging up the past. As we all know many rumors are unfounded anyway. Sometimes they are even maliciously created to do harm to others.


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## ManDup

wonderingwife1 said:


> Yes, I realize it is not healthy for me. But we have never been good communicators. I've been praying for years for God to change this part of my marriage, but He hasn't yet. or..it hasn't really changed. Somethings we can talk about, others I just deal with on my own.
> He doesn't always blow up, sometimes we just got w/out speaking for days if it doesn't get resolved.


That's childish behavior and is generally considered unacceptable. I would get into joint marriage counseling if I were you. A detente is not a marriage.


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## cb45

wisdom dictates that as a pastor, yer H especially needs to (strive)
have his own house in order before he can pastor/shepard any other folk in the church.  Not perfect, i grant ya that but key idea is *strive*.

also, i'd say he may need another pastor/mentor type friend
to help him open up and become a better communicator with
you (& others?) & be acctable to. if not that/them, then a IC for sure to work on his "issues" so to speak. then later perhaps, it may become nec for u both to see a MC.

who knows, maybe u need a IC too? we dont know what u add
to the "equation" here, for u r the one telling us "the story." 

shalom.


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## rorinrory

even though he may blow up, you DO need to talk about this. the more you root around behind his back, the worse it will be! he WILL calm down and get over it, and maybe understand, but you will not be able to get over it if you do not ask, and this aggrivation will grow and grow. is there maybe a beter way you can approach this, like saying "hey, ur friend has this stupid idea you did this" and act like ur laughing it off?


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## golfergirl

rorinrory said:


> even though he may blow up, you DO need to talk about this. the more you root around behind his back, the worse it will be! he WILL calm down and get over it, and maybe understand, but you will not be able to get over it if you do not ask, and this aggrivation will grow and grow. is there maybe a beter way you can approach this, like saying "hey, ur friend has this stupid idea you did this" and act like ur laughing it off?


Could friend be causing trouble to get in your marriage? And mention things to H to get him looking on FB? Innocently wondering what she's up to?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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