# Struggle with feeling annoyed all the time...about in laws!



## missymrs80

I struggle with constantly feeling annoyed with my in laws and certain people from my family of origin as well. I have tried and tried to understand where this is coming from and just can't seem to understand it. I suppose that it stems from my sensitivity to people "putting up a front" in my family of origin and people in my family of origin never talking about the elephant in the room. Pretty much everything my husbands family does annoys the heck out of me...they behave in subtle ways that I see as them wanting to never address the actual dysfunction in the family, but to act as if the are a "close" family. There is just a constant theme of no one taking responsibility, blaming, criticizing, & selfishness. Same things from my family of origin as well. It isn't so severe to the point where it is unsafe emotionally to be around these people...I think these are things that happen in a lot of families. But I just have a really hard time with feeling incredibly annoyed at the majority of things that my in laws do or say or the way they handle certain situations (including brother and sister in laws, grandparent in laws). Does anyone out there have similar feelings? How do you handle any negative feelings toward your in laws? At the end of the day, I'm annoyed with feeling annoyed! I have been able to work on making changes in many aspects of my life and I go to therapy and do the work...but this is one issue I can't seem to get a hold of and I think it's mainly bc I don't totaly understand where these feelings come from and why they are so strong.


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## MrsKy

missymrs80 said:


> I struggle with constantly feeling annoyed with my in laws and certain people from my family of origin as well. I have tried and tried to understand where this is coming from and just can't seem to understand it. I suppose that it stems from my sensitivity to people "putting up a front" in my family of origin and people in my family of origin never talking about the elephant in the room. Pretty much everything my husbands family does annoys the heck out of me...they behave in subtle ways that I see as them wanting to never address the actual dysfunction in the family, but to act as if the are a "close" family. I can understand your annoyance. We can only control what we do, not what others do or how they choose to live their life. All families have dysfunction; my family is fake as well. I just stay away from them most of the time.
> 
> 
> There is just a constant theme of no one taking responsibility, blaming, criticizing, & selfishness. Same things from my family of origin as well. It isn't so severe to the point where it is unsafe emotionally to be around these people...I think these are things that happen in a lot of families. Glad that you realize how common this is. If the behaviors are not severe, I don't understand why you become this annoyed. That was not meant as criticism; I am genuinely confused. But I just have a really hard time with feeling incredibly annoyed at the majority of things that my in laws do or say or the way they handle certain situations (including brother and sister in laws, grandparent in laws). What other people do is not your problem. Don't let them stress you out. Does anyone out there have similar feelings? How do you handle any negative feelings toward your in laws? I don't like the way my MIL or my BIL communicates. They can both be very rude and irrational. I rarely have to see them or talk to them, so I try not to let it bother me. I have my own life to worry about, so I try not to take on other people's problems. At the end of the day, I'm annoyed with feeling annoyed! I have been able to work on making changes in many aspects of my life and I go to therapy and do the work...but this is one issue I can't seem to get a hold of and I think it's mainly bc I don't totaly understand where these feelings come from and why they are so strong.Great that you see a therapist. Have you thought of discussing this issue with him/her?


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## missymrs80

Yes I discuss this a lot with my therapist. I am also a therapist and I "get it" but this is something I feel so stuck on. I think it comes from me and DH doing things differently...and it not being to popular bc of course one change in a person afects the whole family system....and constantly having to fight through the resistance to our changes. Families do not like change...families work to maintain homeostasis and anything that disrupts that maybe under attack.


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## missymrs80

I become this annoyed because my life's work right now is to end the legacy. To want to be different from your family but still be around them is very difficult...for me that is.


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## MrsKy

I understand the above posts completely.

My husband and I are unpopular because we are a private couple and we rarely see my FOO. We don't need their negative influence. 

My mother rules my FOO with manipulation. I choose not to follow that path, so I am the one with the problems.


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## Seraphina

"But I just have a really hard time with feeling incredibly annoyed at the majority of things that my in laws do or say or the way they handle certain situations (including brother and sister in laws, grandparent in laws). Does anyone out there have similar feelings? How do you handle any negative feelings toward your in laws?"


Yes, I have similar feelings when it comes to being around my in-laws. I feel bad there are any negative feelings but there are so many things they do and expect out of me that irk me. As far as handling it, I have to accept that in-laws are part of the package of having a husband. I tolerate them because my husband's family is an important part of his life. I tell myself that when they are out of sight, they should be out of mind. It's not so easy though, I get this bad feeling in my stomach a week before having to see them. When I'm around them, I am cordial but tell my husband in advance that I don't want to stick around too long (usually we stay 4 hours instead of 5). They are some of the longest 4 hours though! I'm still trying to figure out ways of dealing with in-laws and if attending fewer events (usually 6+ in the year) is appropriate without offending anyone too much.

You just need to have a mindset that their behavior isn't something you can change and know that you have your own life. It's not your responsibility to set them straight. Stay strong and don't let their nitpicking or negative vibes effect you too much.


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## missymrs80

Good advice thanks


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