# Just venting a little...oral and anal



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

So last night the wife and I had sex. We were making out and having a great time with foreplay with our hands all over each other. I asked her to give me a BJ and I get one for 30 seconds. Afterwards, she's ready for me to come inside and before we start she first states "let's do missionary!" and then a couple of seconds later she asks "do you want to do the back door?". I kindly say no thanks, let's go missionary instead. We start out in missionary and finish up with spoon sex. 

Some of you may know me and will not be surprised by the above exchange or what I'll say next. Others may think I'm a little cracked. But you know, I would gladly swear off anal for a year if I could get more regular oral from my wife (and give it back to her of course!). But it's something she just isn't into. As I continue down my journey to improved health and fitness, I'm hoping my sexier body will melt the ice enough that she'll feel a desire to "worship" my manhood. I still think it's the oddest thing that my wife would prefer to go the anal route than to give a BJ. I'm content with my size, but I'm not hung like a horse or have a wang with the girth of a beer can. So it's not like I'd be a "jawbreaker" or anything...

So yep, I was the guy that passed on anal sex to have missionary...


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS you and I have the reverse complaint. I love giving hubby bj more than anything and he always wants to do PIV and anal......it is a compromise. Unfortunately sometimes your favorite is not your partners. He knows how much it turns me on to give a bj and I tend to pout if I don't get to....so we generaly start there....but this took a lot of years of struggling back and forth for us to finally talk about it and really understand what makes each other tick. He jnderstands if he gets me turned on enough I won't care what we do....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Neither of us care for anal, but we both like oral, and a wide variety of positions and places, taking turns to take the lead as seems best in the moment. We both like the things we do, fortunately. It would be more difficult if we had some things we really wanted and the other did not, but we'd probably try to compromise at least occasionally, wherever possible.


----------



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Seems we always want what we can't have, doesn't it?

You should be happy your wife enjoys/offers anal, a lot of men on TAM would kill to be in your place. And at least your wife will put your c*ck in her mouth, again many men would love for this to happen to them, even if it was just for a minute or two.

As for me, my wife and I tried anal a few times over the years, and neither of us really care for it. I had a GF in college who wanted it in the a$$ all the time, it was cool at first for the novelty, but after a while it didn't really do much for me, plus I didn't care for the clean-up and smell afterwards. But I did it anyway because I know she really enjoyed it a lot.

My wife gladly gives me oral to completion pretty much whenever I ask her to (she asks me to let her do it for me fairly often as well), but she will not let me ejaculate in her mouth (pretty much anywhere else, a$$, breasts, face, etc., is A-OK, just not in her mouth). Like you, it is just one of those things she won't do for me, and hence, I get obsessed with it because I can't have it.


----------



## BruisedGirl (Apr 4, 2013)

I think I've become this way about oral. I give it, and love to do so. I just never get it back. 

Hey, at least she likes anal. That's something that I'm just not into. If it felt good, I'd be game. Luckily my guy isn't into it either. Really, he's not into much at all. Starting to think he's just not into me, period. Lately that is. 

On the bright side you did start this off with the note that you had sex last night.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

For the thirty seconds that she has you in her mouth, does she seem to know what she's doing? I ask because I used to get insecure when giving a BJ because I wasn't sure I was very good at it. Made me anxious, which made it hard to relax, which made me focus on what I wasn't liking about it and quickly want to move onto things I was more confident I could do well. 

At some point I realized I could look for instructional videos/lessons/porn on line and get better at it. I also asked my husband to give me "lessons." He happily obliged. Changed the dynamic entirely for me--it's now one of my favorite things to.

You wife might not like giving you BJs, in part, because she's insecure about not doing it well.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> For the thirty seconds that she has you in her mouth, does she seem to know what she's doing? I ask because I used to get insecure when giving a BJ because I wasn't sure I was very good at it. Made me anxious, which made it hard to relax, which made me focus on what I wasn't liking about it and quickly want to move onto things I was more confident I could do well.
> 
> At some point I realized I could look for instructional videos/lessons/porn on line and get better at it. I also asked my husband to give me "lessons." He happily obliged. Changed the dynamic entirely for me--it's now one of my favorite things to.
> 
> You wife might not like giving you BJs, in part, because she's insecure about not doing it well.


It's not a performance issue in her mind. She says that it hurts her mouth while she gives it. So while she probably isn't the most skilled at it considering I have had issues with having an orgasm, I think it would get easier for the both of us if we'd do it more.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> Seems we always want what we can't have, doesn't it?
> 
> You should be happy your wife enjoys/offers anal, a lot of men on TAM would kill to be in your place. And at least your wife will put your c*ck in her mouth, again many men would love for this to happen to them, even if it was just for a minute or two.
> 
> ...


I'm sure much of what you say is correct. If I got oral all the time and no anal, I'd probably be complaining about not getting to stick it in her rear. Bottom line for me is that I want it all. I know, it sounds unreasonable to want it all, but in my mind let's make our sex life the best it can be for the both of us.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

BruisedGirl said:


> I think I've become this way about oral. I give it, and love to do so. I just never get it back.
> 
> Hey, at least she likes anal. That's something that I'm just not into. If it felt good, I'd be game. Luckily my guy isn't into it either. Really, he's not into much at all. Starting to think he's just not into me, period. Lately that is.
> 
> On the bright side you did start this off with the note that you had sex last night.


BruisedGirl,
Sorry to see you going thru the pain of rejection from your husband. Hoping everything improves for you moving forward.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> It's not a performance issue in her mind. She says that it hurts her mouth while she gives it. So while she probably isn't the most skilled at it considering I have had issues with having an orgasm, I think it would get easier for the both of us if we'd do it more.


It does get better the more you do it. I had huge issues with jaw pain and muscle tightening/soreness weakness. It's like any other muscle, though--work it, and it gets stronger. I've got a petite face and mouth and was discouraged about how I'd "wear out" after giving oral for five or ten minutes. But my jaw got stronger pretty fast with regular practice, and with paying attention to when I needed to give it a little break so that I could dive back in. 

But all this only means something if your wife WANTS to be able to give you BJ's . . . .


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> It does get better the more you do it. I had huge issues with jaw pain and muscle tightening/soreness weakness. It's like any other muscle, though--work it, and it gets stronger. I've got a petite face and mouth and was discouraged about how I'd "wear out" after giving oral for five or ten minutes. But my jaw got stronger pretty fast with regular practice, and with paying attention to when I needed to give it a little break so that I could dive back in.
> 
> *But all this only means something if your wife WANTS to be able to give you BJ's . . . .*


Exactly. Hence the venting...  ))


----------



## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I don't think it is unreasonable to want that. If that is what feels best for you, I think it is reasonable to expect your wife would accommodate. I would become very annoyed if I never got what I liked. Just saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My first wife could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball and yeah it was fun but I like to have an orgasm in her (PIV) which didn't bother her at all. Hell if she drilled a hole in her thigh, she would have wanted sex there.
I like oral to when I get an erection then I wanted her. Too bad she was a nut and mean as a rattle snake.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I understand you complaint, but just be glad your not getting duty sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Another night of passion tonight, but no oral. Did get anal though. I practically have an oral sexless marriage.


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

The next tear I shed for you will be the first. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> Another night of passion tonight, but no oral. Did get anal though. I practically have an oral sexless marriage.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jd08 said:


> The next tear I shed for you will be the first.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


People are sexless for years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

jd08 said:


> The next tear I shed for you will be the first.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not looking for tears, but it's an issue in my marriage. We used to do more oral and 69, etc... Now, it has practically died out. So it is an oral sexless marriage by objective standards.


----------



## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Maybe you need to present it better? A thorough scrub with her favourite scented body wash? My H always let's me know when he has made an extra effort to add bubbles down there. Turns me on that he was thinking about me while thinking about himself  nothing like smelling old spice on the sexiest part of a man. Just saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Maybe you need to present it better? A thorough scrub with her favourite scented body wash? My H always let's me know when he has made an extra effort to add bubbles down there. Turns me on that he was thinking about me while thinking about himself  nothing like smelling old spice on the sexiest part of a man. Just saying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

My husband gets a quick shower before coming to bed, and keeps things trimmed very neat. I CANNOT resist giving him oral right out of the shower, and he knows it! 

If he last showered that morning, uh, forget it . . . 

And yes, I return the favor for him.


----------



## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Can you try massaging her jaw while she does oral? I know that has helped me when I'm not in top form for one.. 

Also, I will say, that I noticed with oral on my STBXH, that during sex, he would come to a natural finish.. During oral? he'd prolong it as long as he could.. which got a little aggravating, I will say.. I get it, it's good, but when you get it regularly, trying to make it last until I can't possibly continue anymore just seems selfish, kwim? always trying to eke out that "few more minutes" Until I physically hurt, and then, and only then finishing.. 

I used to love giving BJs, until my STBXH ruined it for me.. It became not fun, but a torture fest for me to see how long I could last and then "couldn't you go for a few minutes more? cmon, cmon, don't you love me?

I guess what I'm saying is.. find out WHY she isn't into it.. is it just uncomfortable? try the jaw massage, it does help.. is it just not her thing? I don't like receiving oral that much.. i'm a penetration person.. oral isn't as satisfying.. 

But for me, I like making a man into a pile of mush with a BJ.. ask her what would make it better for her..


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Seriously, just ask her about it? It may be a super awkward conversation if either of you aren't comfortable talking about sexual issues but neither of you are mind readers. You don't know why she seemingly despises it and maybe she doesn't know how much it means to you.

Personally I love giving my H bj's. Woke him up with one today... then cleaned him up and tucked him back into bed so he could finish sleeping. I just couldn't wait for him to get up (no pun intended) on his own schedule. When I want him, I want him. A few years ago I finally told him that I understand he isn't in the mood for sex everyday like I am (I'm EXTREMELY HD and he is the polar opposite), but would he at least consent to a daily BJ. He agreed readily enough


----------



## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

You start these threads about once a month it seems like and they are all the same. "My wife and I have a great sex life but she doesn't blow me enough, only wants anal once a week, etc."

There are people here with real problems in their sex life who don't want to hear that your wife only has sex with you three times a week or only gives you a blowjob twice a week. It smacks of attention whoring. 

What are you looking for anyway? You didn't ask a question in your OP. 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> I'm not looking for tears, but it's an issue in my marriage. We used to do more oral and 69, etc... Now, it has practically died out. So it is an oral sexless marriage by objective standards.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Another night of passion tonight, but no oral. Did get anal though. I practically have an oral sexless marriage.



Questions if you don't mind.

When having anal with your wifee, what does it feel like?

Is it like PIV?

It is all hype and everyone thinking its fantastic because of porn?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Questions if you don't mind.
> 
> When having anal with your wifee, what does it feel like?
> 
> ...


It just feels different and it's a difficult question to answer. Generally tighter. All porn is hype, so it really comes down to what you like. Some people have their world rocked by missionary sex and cannot stand doggie style. Others are the reverse and are very bored with missionary sex.


----------



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

jd08 said:


> You start these threads about once a month it seems like and they are all the same. "My wife and I have a great sex life but she doesn't blow me enough, only wants anal once a week, etc."
> 
> There are people here with real problems in their sex life who don't want to hear that your wife only has sex with you three times a week or only gives you a blowjob twice a week. It smacks of attention whoring.
> 
> ...


I was thinking the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Some people have their world rocked by missionary sex and cannot stand doggie style./QUOTE]
> 
> Sex with missionaries is great, but since I'm not converting, I wish they'd stop shouting "Oh my God, oh my God!"


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

jd08 said:


> You start these threads about once a month it seems like and they are all the same. "My wife and I have a great sex life but she doesn't blow me enough, only wants anal once a week, etc."
> 
> There are people here with real problems in their sex life who don't want to hear that your wife only has sex with you three times a week or only gives you a blowjob twice a week. It smacks of attention whoring.
> 
> ...


My issues may not be the same as other people on here, but if you're going to belittle me because I have an issue that you do not think is a big deal, then I don't know what to tell you. Don't read my threads? This is the type of response that pushes people away from TAM. If you haven't noticed, a lot of good quality posters up and left. Do you wonder why? It's because there is an entrenched group think on this board that a large number of posters have that pushes others away. 

1) If you do not agree with certain ingrained beliefs - like MMSLP is a bible that all must follow for one example - then you are ridiculed and belittled until you leave.

2) Now, it looks like if you have an issue that bothers you - but that issue is not perceived as a "big deal" relative to the other issues discussed - then you deserve to have scorn heaped upon you. Basically, the message you are sending to me and others are "How dare you post this concern when others are here posting about much more serious issues". 

You are entitled to your own opinion, and if you do not like me then that's fine. Just go away and lurk on other threads if my thread is so offensive to you. I do not deserve to be called out by you because you don't think my issue is a big deal. Did you ever hear about the law of diminishing returns? You know, to obtain more it takes more and more hard work? Yes, I do have a nice sex life. It's not perfect. And there is nothing wrong with me wanting to have a better one. But to get that better sex life - when it is already good now - takes a lot more effort and energy. 

And another thing. If you have ever looked up my posts, you would know that I try to help and comment on other people's threads a lot more than start my own threads seeking help. So no, I am not trying to be an ass with my threads. 

Maybe TAM isn't a good place for a person like me after all. Clearly I'm not disturbed enough to deserve the right to ask for help, suggestions or to even vent about my own issues.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> Seriously, just ask her about it? It may be a super awkward conversation if either of you aren't comfortable talking about sexual issues but neither of you are mind readers. You don't know why she seemingly despises it and maybe she doesn't know how much it means to you.
> 
> Personally I love giving my H bj's. Woke him up with one today... then cleaned him up and tucked him back into bed so he could finish sleeping. I just couldn't wait for him to get up (no pun intended) on his own schedule. When I want him, I want him. A few years ago I finally told him that I understand he isn't in the mood for sex everyday like I am (I'm EXTREMELY HD and he is the polar opposite), but would he at least consent to a daily BJ. He agreed readily enough


I have talked to her, but it seems like it's something she just doesn't want to do. I stated earlier that my hope is to continue to improve my health, fitness and looks to the point that she may feel less inhibitions. I don't know, I'm just throwing out thoughts at the moment.

Thanks for taking the time to offer suggestions.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Is there something she likes when you do but you don't like it or do it that often? And it doesn't have to be sexual. Call it compromise, trading favors, whatever you want, it may work. "Honey, I know you love it when I x, so if you y I'd be happy to x."
Massaging her jaw is a great idea and as soon as she takes you in her mouth, start moaning and telling her how good it feels. If I'm feeling happy and particularly loving towards my H and he tells me something I'm doing feels good, I'm definitely more inclined to keep doing it!


----------



## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> It's not a performance issue in her mind. She says that it hurts her mouth while she gives it.


Buy her a book called "Blow him Away". It's written by a speech therapist and so has lots of valuable advice about strengthening the tongue and relaxing the jaw. Made a huge difference for me and the amount of jaw pain I suffered.

If it truly is pain that stops her, this will help. If she just doesn't like it, though, not so much.


----------



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Okay I'm a woman and I like GIVING oral, but I don't like receiving it...

I already posted on anal and no for me.

But oral is a lot about 
#1 insecurity
#2 some ingrained dislike for it

There are women who have been humiliated by partners while giving them oral.. guys that push down you head or just don't respect that you don't like the taste of the um... finale etc.

I will tell you honestly there are some men that almost made me swear off the bj FOREVER, because they almost turn it into degradation.
In fact a saw a story where a woman was forced to give a man oral repeatedly and REFUSED to EAT, as in she had to have a feeding tube inserted.. this is obviously extreme and she was abused. But it can be psychological.

I don't like oral because I prefer other things and know my body enough and what makes me O, but if I was with someone I would allow him to do this if he was really into it.

You guys need to figure this out by communicating OUTSIDE the bedroom and not blaming or judging each other.


----------



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I thought I would add one thing I posted in the "BJ thread"

Women are NOT taught to please a man.. men somehow figure women out and tend to be confident. If she is already feeling insecure it adds to it... like maybe she had a bad experience or felt that she was not "good at it" or never had relationships where she figured out the technique and may be intimidated.

You can totally work on this.

That 30 sec thing is a joke in some male circles, but when I have done that it usually meant things were wrong in the relationship outside the bedroom Or I felt inadaquate somehow.

IMO anal sex is so very personal and takes actual preparation.. for a woman to be okay with trying that (it can be super painful) and not oral? There is something going on, esp the casual way in which she approaches this.

Talk to her, then LISTEN - do NOT do this after or right before sex. Do this during normal convo.. tell her you want to understand, she is your best friend and she can tell you ANYTHING, you will NOT judge her.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Questions if you don't mind.
> 
> When having anal with your wifee, what does it feel like?
> 
> ...


 Want to know the difference? My first wife asked me that same question a long time ago and this is what I told her and I'm serious.

Take your index finger and put it in the palm of your other hand. Close your hand over the finger and go back and forth. That would be PIV.

Now take your index finger and put it in the palm of your other hand and put only two fingers around your index finger and go back and forth. That would be PIA. You'll notice that your finger will only feel the two fingers rather than all five digits. There is a difference.

When it's PIV, the whole penis has feeling but with PIA it's only the bottom half of your penis. No pun intended.


----------

