# Why do people leave without explaining?



## Costa (Nov 24, 2012)

Is it the trend now to break up with someone without talking or saying anything? My marriage of many years ended with my ex-husband walking out and refusing to have at least one decent conversation about goodbye. Just silence and we never became friends again after everything we shared. I started dating and it seems that everyone i met are the same. It all ended without even a decent or polite goodbye to explain. Just gone, vanish, they don't want to have anything to do with you, you are lucky if you get a text message. Is rudeness the new trend? What happened to society?


----------



## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I don't think it's new at all.
I've heard the stories of people going to the store for milk & never coming back.
Or they went out for a pack of smokes, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes even leaving behind small children in the process, who themselves were left wondering if it was something they did. 
My own FIL left on a business trip, never said a word he was planning on not coming back.
It took almost a year before my MIL heard from him. 
It happens, I don't see this as a new trend.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It happens and always has because some people are just too gutless to tell the other person they want out. So they just disappear.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

mabe they hinted around about there needs and you never picked up the hints so they figure why try anymore.


or they are cowards to have real conversations. they would just rather moving on instead of working on things.


disapointed with penis size or sexual skill level and want to spare your feelings.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Yes Costa! I have the same experiences.
Of course I understand why people dissapear when things aren't going well. People don't want to go through the 'goodbye thing'.

But, yes, i've been through several relationships where things appeared to be great. I dated a girl a few years ago. after the last date, she told me "i had an awesome day!", and I know she wasn't bs'ing. But all of a sudden when i tried to call her, she would avoid me, not answer, or our conversations were weird. Our final conversation, she said "I can't do this anymore!" WTF?????

I've known a few women who acted like that when I know they liked me and had a great time. Very mysterious.
These weren't shy women either that we're afraid to hurt me.

Don't really know the answer. I don't think it was me. They had issues probably that they didn't ever reveal. 

I respect that, except yes, it would be much better if they would just say what their issues were and they just weren't ready for relationship or something.


----------



## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

It is a very cruel and destructive thing to do to someone. When I've gone through this in the past, confusion is the emotion that I overwhelmingly feel.

I'm going to raise my daughter to never do anything like that to another person. If you don't want to be with them, give them an explanation and a little compassion before disappearing from their life.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Same reason why HR escorts folks out of the building when they are fired. To avoid confrontation. 

Sometimes people are weak and they don't want to be with the person but they feel like if they sit down and watch them cry their heart out that they will feel guilty and stay. Happened to me plenty of times where I knew they were bad for me but once I saw the waterworks, I felt terrible and sunk back into the toxic relantioship.

I would argue that sometimes its really the only way to get rid of somebody. I had an ex-gf that I told her I didn't want to be with her and she said "ok, are you sure?" and she got out of the car and that was that. I have also had ex's that literally smacked me in front of people and called me names making me look like the biggest a hole in the world. Again, sometimes its just best to walk away and tell them "lose my number" and be done with it.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

wilderness said:


> It is a very cruel and destructive thing to do to someone. When I've gone through this in the past, confusion is the emotion that I overwhelmingly feel.
> 
> I'm going to raise my daughter to never do anything like that to another person. If you don't want to be with them, give them an explanation and a little compassion before disappearing from their life.


Actually raise your daughter to properly asses the situation especially if the guy has mental illness. Sometimes the best solution is to walk away and cut ties.


----------



## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Actually raise your daughter to properly asses the situation especially if the guy has mental illness. Sometimes the best solution is to walk away and cut ties.


No way. It's never best to disappear without an explanation. That is not something I can stand behind, no matter the situation.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

wilderness said:


> No way. It's never best to disappear without an explanation. That is not something I can stand behind, no matter the situation.


So if the guy is violent and mentally ill you want her to risk her life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

although everyone want an explination I don't see what its going to do.

have thicker skin and call them a crazy bi*ch and move on .


----------



## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

Costa said:


> Is it the trend now to break up with someone without talking or saying anything? My marriage of many years ended with my ex-husband walking out and refusing to have at least one decent conversation about goodbye. Just silence and we never became friends again after everything we shared. I started dating and it seems that everyone i met are the same. It all ended without even a decent or polite goodbye to explain. Just gone, vanish, they don't want to have anything to do with you, you are lucky if you get a text message. Is rudeness the new trend? What happened to society?


I think it's a cop out. 

Its much easier to run away than face what you're doing and why. 

I've never known any of my friends to leave someone without giving a reason. I actually feel much better once an explanation is given by me than if it weren't.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Costa said:


> Is it the trend now to break up with someone without talking or saying anything? My marriage of many years ended with my ex-husband walking out and refusing to have at least one decent conversation about goodbye. Just silence and we never became friends again after everything we shared. I started dating and it seems that everyone i met are the same. It all ended without even a decent or polite goodbye to explain. Just gone, vanish, they don't want to have anything to do with you, you are lucky if you get a text message. Is rudeness the new trend? What happened to society?


Personally I think this is an awful shame, I would never treat anyone like this, UNLESS I felt they had *stalkerish tendencies*, questioned their *mental state*, or was a *danger *in any way.... if they were good people, I find it exceptionally rude to leave anyone hanging....but that is just ME.... I feel there are a variety of ways to allow someone to know ...it's been nice meeting you, but this isn't going to work out...I just find it more respectful to have an ending conversation...parting ways. 

Husbands brother broke up with his GF of YEARS through a TEXT message... no explaining....she contacted us to say what happened..as he is Mr Private..... kinda seen it coming as he moved states away, how she thought that could last.. I don't know.. me & husband felt that was the height of bad taste .....given they shared years together... he'd never do something like that.


----------



## moto164 (Aug 4, 2013)

It's a way to hurt their ex partner.


----------



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I call them poofers. Poof -- they are gone. 

Yes, it hurts and it sucks that we are left holding the bag and asking ourselves WTF just happened. I allow myself to feel sad for a little while and then I put things in perspective. I don't need an explanation at the end of the day to get closure. Closure comes from within anyway. All I need is to be thankful that he showed me his true colors and the universe (or God, whatever your preference) saved me from being in a relationship with a coward with no integrity! 

So to all my poofers -- THANK YOU!!


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My best friends ex broke up with her in an email after 7 years together, and that was it. He wouldn't respond to her calls, emails, texts, nothing.

She is the most beautiful person, she didn't deserve that.

It's a cowardly way to end things. Very cruel


----------



## akasephiroth (Jul 29, 2010)

My wife done this to me a few years ago, random out the blue i want out. Took her to take her mid-term exam otw home i was told her daddy and bother would be waiting at the house to pack her stuff. sent me into a total depression hell hole but my love for her and my kids picked me up and made me fight for answers. To this day i do not have all the answers but i still have my family and a much better bond then ever. Maybe sometimes they just wanna see how hard you will fight to hold on without knowing what your fighting.


----------



## Claufjdia (Sep 26, 2013)

I don't see this as a new trend.


----------



## Syco (Sep 25, 2013)

akasephiroth said:


> My wife done this to me a few years ago, random out the blue i want out. Took her to take her mid-term exam otw home i was told her daddy and bother would be waiting at the house to pack her stuff. sent me into a total depression hell hole but my love for her and my kids picked me up and made me fight for answers. To this day i do not have all the answers but i still have my family and a much better bond then ever. Maybe sometimes they just wanna see how hard you will fight to hold on without knowing what your fighting.


Are you still with your wife? If that was me i would demand a full explanation before any potential reconciliation. You can't confront obstacles in your relationship until you know about them.


----------



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Honestly its when one realizes they can do better..... Typically speaking that is 

OR they are not getting what they want


----------



## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

I was in a serious relationship before I got married. It started out poorly because when I first started dating her, she would continue to see her x. We weren't real serious so it wasn't that she was technically cheating, but it still pissed me off. We had many discussions about it, and the reasoning she always gave was "I was with him for 5 years, I would NEVER be with someone for that long and then cut them off totally from my life." Eventually, we broke up because of it. Probably a year later when her x was out of the picture for good, we got back together again. We were together for exactly 5 years, and then she dumped me. When she dumped me, she cut off all contact, changed her phone number, etc...
I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life. I eventually went to some pretty great lengths to contact her; and I said some really horrific things that I now regret. The end of that relationship was like an open wound that never healed- for years, and for both of us.

Some years later she contacted me and apologized, and we forgave each other. So there was a somewhat happy ending to that mess.


----------



## Brendalee (Jun 11, 2013)

They disappear because its EASY and they don't want the confrontation, they don't want to feel bad, they don't want to see your hurt. Its best for them, you don't factor in at this point.

I seriously question the integrity and honesty of folks who do this in important relationships.

I've lost 2 important relationships evaporate seemingly overnight (well over 10 yrs each) and I've seen it happen to friends. 

You aren't alone in this for what it is worth, and yes, this behavior is crap.

You will likely never get closure from them, even if you corner them you'll get some concocted explanation, they don't have the guts to just say their truth. 

In the long run, I think it is harder on them and they carry a burden. Years after this happened to me, I had a chance encounter and brief conversation.....I realized how I had grieved for several years and felt the other person never had to so to speak.

It turned out I was right as this person burst into tears at the sight of me and cried their guts out. They also told me they were sorry for what they had done to me. No specifics, but it was something to hear after all of these years.

I loved them so much it still hurt to see them in pain, but I realized while still very sad, I was truly ok. I had grieved for a long time but I was really ok! 

It was hard as hell, I hung up my pride back in the day, I said my piece, I fought for us, I let myself get treated badly and I was far from perfect but my heart is light today.

I am deeply grateful that I do not carry their burden. 

Hope this helps, I'm sorry to hear you've had this experience.

Brendalee


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Never heard of such a thing, don't know anyone this has happened to, it sounds insane.

My first thought is what happens to the joint assets?


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

From my experience, its a brutal way to leave things and long term neither person is better for it. Even if its hard to hear it and you may be "hurting" the other person, true straight answers help to stop the emotional pain quicker than the unanswered questions that always linger. The person who leaves may think its the easy way out, may be scared of the consequenses. They may be afraid, everyones situation is unique. But even if you cant do it face to face which I can understand and appreciate in certain circumstances a phone call or even a letter are an easy out and save the debates or whatever. In abuse cases etc, those are different and frankly both parties know already inside why its happening. 
People tend to repeat the same over and over so they make the same mistakes over and over, or they guess as to what the problem may be and try to change what they think is wrong with themselves and its not even the problem. Life can be complicated enough all on its own, the simple truth while it may not be nice or you may not agree saves everyone involved a great deal of pain in the long run. At least thats my opinion.


----------

