# Husband is out of control...would you leave? i am supporting him



## blacasolis (Sep 28, 2016)

i need help. my husband lost his job and has decided to start his own business. He can’t find employment and went to the bank to get his own SBA loan. I am gainly employed but he hates that my job (which will support us all ) requires travel. 

He makes fun of me….”Oh i suppose you have to go please your (boss) again and travel to xyz this…week…great” 

I tell him that I have no choice. He says that my travel is making his life a fuc*ing nightmare and he can’t take anymore. 

I said okay..welll…let me quit? He says NO …you can’t quit the job for at least 3 years ….I am not going to be profitable for a long time…

I said what do you want me to do then? He says.. I don’t know but I can’t live this horrible nightmare of a life and I don’t know how we will survive because I can’t survive.

I said what choice do I have? He says …You KNOW you enjoy you job and you really want this because you want to make me miserable..

I said NO … I just have no choice! I have to support us ..right ? he says yes you have a choice.. I said I can quit? He says ..NO… 

then he says this is just a “game for you….you are psychotic..” 

I am out of my mind.. am I really crazy here? I am doing everything i can… and he makes me feel horrible no matter what i do…


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Why is he so miserable when you travel?

Most guys like our alone time when we can get it.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

I _was_ married to someone like this.

I left. 

(Best decision I ever made)


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

blacasolis said:


> i need help. my husband lost his job and has decided to start his own business. He can’t find employment and went to the bank to get his own SBA loan. I am gainly employed but he hates that my job (which will support us all ) requires travel.
> 
> He makes fun of me….”Oh i suppose you have to go please your (boss) again and travel to xyz this…week…great”
> 
> ...


Some people handle stress poorly. And they take it out on those who are closest.

Sad but true. He needs anti-anxiety meds. They work well for some people, not so well for others.


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## lorikeet25 (Jun 22, 2016)

Someone in your relationship sounds crazy. It's not you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If there are no kids in the house, then I'd say to cut the cords!

Sounds as if things are never going to get better!

You deserve far, far better out of life!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have the two of you been married?

How old are the two of you?

Is this about him being jealous or thinking that you are cheating?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

blacasolis said:


> I tell him that I have no choice. He says that my travel is making his life a fuc*ing nightmare and he can’t take anymore.
> 
> I said okay..welll…let me quit? He says NO …you can’t quit the job for at least 3 years ….I am not going to be profitable for a long time…
> 
> I said what do you want me to do then? He says.. I don’t know but I can’t live this horrible nightmare of a life and I don’t know how we will survive because I can’t survive.


So 'round and 'round you go as a passenger on his crazy train. Since he cannot survive under these circumstances and apparently you have made his life a nightmare suggest a separation and/or divorce. Why the hell would you stick around to listen to this nonsense? 

Of course you are out of your mind. You are buying into his insanity. But here's the gist: YOU don't own his feelings. They are his. What is your responsibility here? To let your partner b!tch at you? To continue to engage him in pointless arguments? Stay and ignore him, suck it up, or leave. 

From my perspective, if what you are reporting is true (and I'm only getting your side), then you either get out or get dragged. Your life. Your choice. Seriously.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

There is not enough information. Your husband sounds depressed. Loosing his job and not finding work would make any one go nuts. You sound worried as well. You fear, and with good reason I might add, that starting his own business is extremely risky. 

You have the whole responsibility of being the bread winner in your household. that is some scary stuff especially if you have children you are both responsible for. Do you have any children? How long have you two been married? How long have you been at the job you are in? Does it pay well? Can you easily get the same type of job with the same benefits and pay as the one you get in this current job that is causing problems in your marriage?

Please tell us more so we can better help you out.

I'm sorry you guys are going through this crisis...hopefully you can weather out this storm and your marriage is stronger for it.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Repeat to him

I am not your emotional punching bag when life has thrown you a curve

Suck it up.

Man up.

Stop being such a milksop (uuhhh - I think I'm giving away my age with that phrase)


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

To men it sounds like you husband is depressed and upset with himself that you are the bread winner in the family and not him. Did these problems he have with your job start when he lost his job? Men get really weird about things that they assume are their manly duties in a marriage and he may be feeling threatened and insecure that he is not being a man and supporting his family. He probably feels emasculated and is handling it like a 2 year old taking a temper tantrum. Try making your husband aware that you don't feel any less of him as he is not bringing in money anymore and you still view him as the man of the house. It sounds to me that he is feeling insecure. Hope it all works out for you.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Does he not trust you because you lied to him in the past?


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

Why did he lose his job?
Why can't he get another one?
Why is your traveling a problem for him?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Does he have reason to be upset with you and your job? Your boss? Coworkers?

Not enough information.

It's unclear what he is upset about. His reaction could be justified - we need more information on trust in your marriage, etc.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## blacasolis (Sep 28, 2016)

*Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

i need help.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

In the other thread you said he is your husband. You didn't answer the other poster's questions and now you're posting this? How are we to take you seriously?


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## blacasolis (Sep 28, 2016)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

Sorry it was a double post..

Yes , we are engaged. We call ourselves married -- but we are not legally married


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

so i'm sorry are you saying that you are supporting him, and what pray tell dies he do all day while you are supporting him?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

Your husband is either a nut job or you're not telling us the full story. Either way you two seem to make a terrible couple, way to much drama and lack of respect. Being engaged is a a testing period, your engagement is a failure, being married would be worse. If you're not happy as a couple then you should stop being a couple.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Stick with 1 thread. 

So, you're not married? Correct? You are engaged and you accepted a job in a different city which is why you travel so much? If he's not profitable with his business yet, then you quiting your job is irresponsible (if you don't have another lined up). It's a dumb question to ask to begin with. Can you find a job in the same city that you live in? 

If he's calling you psychotic and manipulative, you should rethink marriage.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

Not much to go on here, but I will say do not get married until he shows he is responsible and has a stable job. In fact, if he does not pursue finding a job soon, move out or kick him out and reevaluate the whole relationship, unless he is so amazing in all other ways that you don't mind supporting him. It's really that simple and straightforward.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*



blacasolis said:


> Sorry it was a double post..
> 
> Yes , we are engaged. We call ourselves married -- but we are not legally married


Odd.

:nerd:


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Married with husband on one thread, engaged to fiancee on another...

I for one am not prone to waste time posting on contradictory threads.

Good luck


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*



blacasolis said:


> i need help.


Yes you do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*

Your threads are now merged.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

He's lucky to have someone like you willing to support the family until his business becomes profitable. He obviously can't have it both ways for you to keep your job and not travel so, really, there is no choice. I think that if I was your husband though I would be looking for work in case the business doesn't take off. I would hope that he could find something within three years.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

blacasolis said:


> i need help. my husband lost his job and has decided to start his own business. He can’t find employment and went to the bank to get his own SBA loan. I am gainly employed but he hates that my job (which will support us all ) requires travel.
> 
> He makes fun of me….”Oh i suppose you have to go please your (boss) again and travel to xyz this…week…great”
> 
> ...


If this is the way he is treating you BEFORE being legally married, it will only get _worse_ AFTER you're married. 

Only one way to solve this, and that is....

DON'T MARRY THIS MAN!!!


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

*Re: Fight over money -- I am supporting my fiancé but he is not in hurry to marry me*



MattMatt said:


> Your threads are now merged.


That will be a time saver when you lock it.


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

He sounds Jealous and Pathetic! He put you in the position to where you HAVE to keep working until he gets it together.. He seems like he is only worried about the impact it has on him and not how it impacts you as well


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm confused. So you two consider yourselves married, but he is in no hurry to marry you?

I agree w/caruso ... something doesn't add up here.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

By the way, @blacasolis, in some jurisdictions you could be considered to be legally married already.

This depends on several factors https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Folks, this person is the poster we all know as Weirdo567. She creates a new account every few weeks to continue her saga.
@blacasolis,

If what you have told us across your dozens of accounts is true, you are married to a pathologically jealous, narcissistic psychopath. 

He's broken your hand/wrist before among other horrid things.

We cannot help you here on TAM because you will not follow our rules. And Lord knows you have been given enough chances to do that.

As we have suggested to you many times, go get some professional therapy because you are in deep trouble in this marriage.

Please leave this guy, whether you are married or not (your story keeps changing). But get away from him. For one thing your young son does not deserve to be seeing this madness.


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