# My husband carried in another relationship before we were married



## newlymarried2014 (Mar 26, 2014)

I am just recently married, about 2 months. I just found out that while my husband and I were exclusively dating, he was carrying on another relationship with someone else. In fact he was with the other woman first and then met me shortly after they had started dating. He had introduced me to his family, as he did with her as well......during the same timeframe. He was dating (and sleeping) with the both of us at the same time. I get that he picked me, that he married me and I believe that he is faithful to me now.....but I can not get past this feeling of hurt and betrayal. If I had known back when were just dating, I would have never stayed with him. Looking back on it now, there were major red flags but I was so in love and thought that he was the one, so I ignored those red flags. I just found out recently because I was looking thru his email to find his internet radio account information to update the billing and I came across emails from when he and I were dating (exclusively). I found an itinerary for a trip he took with the other woman to NYC. I asked him who this woman was and he said just someone he was casually dating. I then asked him if he was casually dating her then why was he in NYC with her when we were officially together. He now says he doesn't want to talk about it and basically just shuts down. I really don't know what to do here. All I am left to do is assume. Which is never a good thing. What do you all think?


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Woe, this is not good. Where is everybody?

I took some NyQuil for my cold and am sleepy so i wll comment this morning. 

It's very sad this is such a new marriage based on lies. And the fact your new husband doesn't want to talk about it.

Have you thought about ending the marriage? Do you think he is still communicating with her?

Unacceptable deceit IMO.


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## alone24 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hi newlymarried, I am very sorry to hear your story.

My situation is very similar to yours. My wife had another boyfriend while we dated exclusively. I only found out after we married and had a child. I would not have married her if I knew.

I'm at work now so will post a longer response tonight. In short though, he tricked you into marrying him and is showing no remorse. If you don't have children with him, I think you divorce him without a second thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I am going to be very honest with you.

He was dating someone else. He then found you and liked you better. He liked her too but there was something about you that he really liked. He actually like both of you.

So he wasn't sure and he had both of you. He decided. He made up his mind and married you. He has been faithful since you have been married.

So when he made his vow, you have no reason to believe he was unfaithful to you. You are married to a guy who loves you and has been faithful to his marriage? You are complaining???

So you are complaining that before he was actually married he had a choice between oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip cookies. He liked them both but before he made a decision that would last the rest of his life, he wanted to be sure. Now that he made up his mind he loves you. He has been completely faithful to his marriage vows.

Look, he wasn't sure. He knows he wasn't honest completely but he wanted to make sure before he married you forever. Now that you are married he has been completely faithful. I don't think you have it that bad.

Yes I know he violated your trust. I get that but if he has been a good husband and has given you no reason to doubt him now that you are married, what exactly do you want?

Do you want to punish him for not knowing exactly who he wanted to spend his life with. He was with someone and found someone better before it was too late but he wasn't sure. It seems like he is sure now.

He doesn't sound like a serial cheater. You were not married. He has been faithful to your marriage vows.

You can decide to D or R. Why did you divorce? 'He cheated on me...' While you were married? 'No ,before...' 'He was seeing someone else then met me, and wanted to marry me but he wasn't sure...' 

I know you feel a bit betrayed, but I have to be honest life could be a lot worse. This is an opportunity for you two to have an open discussion. He was wrong, but I honestly don't think he was that bad. I am sorry to say. He had to decide between two good things and he chose you and you seem to have thought that was good.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

^ are you kidding? ^

He is a proven liar and cheater, married or not. Do not have kids with him. RUN.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I'm kind of on the fence about this one. Very confusing situation for all concerned. On the one hand, he violated your trust and took another woman on a trip to NYC where they undoubtedly spent some time in bed together. Not a good sign for a future with you. On the other hand, after sampling both ladies, he chose you as his mate and has been (I guess) a faithful and model husband ever since. A very good sign. Of course, it's only been a couple of months. Who knows how he will feel in the future. This site is full of stories about marrieds who, after awhile, decide to look up old girlfriends for a little fling. I don't want to run the guy down. I think he's being a good husband, but really doesn't want to discuss something that could potentially affect his marriage. Like I said before, very confusing. :scratchhead:


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

OnTheRocks said:


> ^ are you kidding? ^
> 
> He is a proven liar and cheater, married or not. Do not have kids with him. RUN.


Yes I am serious...

He was dating someone else...
Before he got too serious with her, he met OP...
Married OP...
Now a model husband...

I am sure when you were young and single you never made any mistakes you regret... He was cake-eating but now that he took his vows, he's been a good husband...

Good luck finding the perfect guy... (I'm not saying stay with him. I'm just saying this is not that bad.) I understand where the guy came from. He really liked OP, but wasn't sure that he was going to be with her and had a thing with original girl so he was living the good life...

He made his decision married OP and has been a good husband. There are no perfect guys. If it is a deal breaker for OP then it's a deal breaker. I suggest OP talks to him without the accusations etc...


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your H seems to be excellent at lying, keeping secrets, and deceit

You are only 2 months into your mge.---The whole mge., is based on false pretenses----I AM VERY SURE YOU HAVE EXCELLENT GROUNDS FOR AN ANULMENT


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## samasche (Mar 28, 2014)

I took some NyQuil for my cold and am sleepy so i wll comment this morning.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

It is a very bad sign. It truly is and that's why you're here.

It isn't the worst sign though. It truly isn't.

But if he won't open up and be honest with you then that is a terrible red flag.

It's so late and we're all tired. Hopefully a night owl will pop in and offer up some sage advice about how to get that truth.

But I know what I (wish) I would have done. Had I known about Jason before I got married I never would have married her. I was living a lie for sooo long. It's hard to pull your head out of the sand when you're buried under a mountain.

Maybe it is better to get out before the sand piles up?

I dunno?


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Moving Ahead, what a load of tripe. Are you telling me that couples can see other people, in secret, so long as they are not married yet. And the decision to stay with one and marry, the honesty and fidelity just magically appear? It's ok to betray and be deceitful, so long as you are not married. And hey, STOP COMPLAINING.

Oh, and OP has been married for 2 months. So, her husband has technically, and only as far as we know, been faithful for 2 months (OP, how long has he been faithful for? Or will he not discuss that with you either?). 

.....hey everyone, it's ok to cheat on your fiancée. It's ok to cheat on your long term relationship. It's ok to lie to and deceive anyone at all, never mind a gf/bf who you are promising exclusivity to and trusting not to bring you a gift called std, so long as that ceremony and piece of paper called marriage hasn't happened between you. As soon as that has happened, the decency must appear like a miracle in the effing bible! 

He has cheated.
He has deceived you into marrying him. 
He refuses to discuss this.

I suggest you tell him he must discuss it, otherwise he leaves you no choice but to seek annulment. If this doesn't give him the needed kick up the backside, nothing will. You will be dealing with an unremorseful cheater who will end up doing this again. Possibly even with the same woman. I would keep an eye on that relationship regardless.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Its not the point that he chose you...... I cant believe somebody gave you a reply by saying " oh well he was dating you, and another woman, but it was you he picked" like you can just take that, be happy with that hes married to you now so just forget about it.

What about the fact he told you nothing about the other woman he was dating, and you had to find out by reading his emails..... what about the fact that he kept it from you, he introduced both you to his parents, and you was oblivious to the fact.

Not a very good way to start a marriage is it???. Also he never gave you the choice, I mean would you have still married him knowing the fact he was seeing two women at the same time??.....

However you looked at it, he was still being deceiving, and still cheating as you yourself believed your relationship to be serious, and him not giving you an option if this would have been okay, and by what you say it would have been not okay.

He may not want to talk about it, but you surely do, you are his wife, and you deserve the answers you want and as your husband he should be willing to give them to you.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Yes I am serious...
> 
> He was dating someone else...
> Before he got too serious with her, he met OP...
> ...


This is all fine, but why cant he discuss it with his wife..... he owes her that surely??


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Moving Ahead: Are you saying that before you go to the minister it is okay to go out and have sex with other people and then come back to the one you ASKED to marry you and not tell them you were cheating on them ? All is okay because you now walked down the aisle and swore fidelity.

My take is when you ask someone to marry you, you have made a commitment, you have stated that you are willing to forsake all others. The vow before the minister is a continuation of the contract you made when you asked that person to marry you and they said yes.

You cheat during that time shows a lack of commitment. You are exposing the one you asked to STDs. You are not honest with the person.

Yeah, you are a Cheating POS.

Before you marry that person, that person needs to know that you do not take your promise to marry seriously if you don't you are marrying that person by deceit.

Poster. Your husband cheated on you. He needs to come clean reveal everything and then you decide if you want to continue this marriage and understand he is a person of low integrity and you have to be willing to work through this with your husband, if he is willing to work through it. If he is not, you know what you are in for in the long run.

Also, you need to get tested for STDs, a wedding present that your husband forgot to tell you about.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Good lord, MovingAhead, this is among the worst posts I've ever seen.

You are telling me she shouldn't be upset that she finds out her boyfriend/fiancé /future husband had another chick on the side? This wasn't some ex gf that he had one more romp with for old time sake (not that that would be good either). They took vacations together_ behind her back!!

If I marry someone I want a complete picture of who that person is. Lying pr!ck f--king other [email protected] would be a deal breaker for me.

You are advocating OP get down on her knees and thank the almighty that this guy bestowed his gift of choosing her. How DARE she complain. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Wow he has been a faithful husband since they got married -- 60 days ago!!! Pin a rose on his nose!!!

Unreal
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> I am going to be very honest with you.
> 
> He was dating someone else. He then found you and liked you better. He liked her too but there was something about you that he really liked. He actually like both of you.
> 
> ...


This makes me want to throw my phone against the wall and send you the bill for a new one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I can only speak from actually experiencing this with two of my friends who did something similar. Both were "players" before they met their wives. When we were single, they used to have many girlfriends turning up but never "bumping" into each other and this was OK because for the most part, they never offered exclusivity.

Having got used to this kind of lifestyle, when each did meet the "love of his life" they got into an "exclusive" relationship with them (mainly because they did not want the soul mates going out with other men) -- while they continued their original lifestyle of more than one sleeping partner.

They ended up marrying these soul mates. Within the first 3 months in one case and first 6 months or so in the second, both started cheating again saying that they just couldn't get used to one woman only. Both wives found out.

Fast forward to today. The first one's wife eventually started cheating with multiple partners as well (after three kids) and finally after 27 years of marriage they divorced. The second one's wife met someone after the first son was born but waited until she got a sister for him before leaving him for her affair partner.

The two "friends" of mine reacted differently - the first carried on sleeping with as many women as possible (progressively younger) and the second one is now heart broken but still has girlfriends.

So watch out for this husband of yours. He sounds very similar. I agree with those that say you found this out before any kids and I would seriously think about carrying on a life with him. Watch him very closely after the first 3-6 months to look for any telltale signs. I hope for your sake that he truly is in love with you and has given up his philandering ways. Do not get pregnant yet!!!


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

NewlyMarried, 

How do you feel? 

This is a new marriage based on lies. 

The day I got married (1991), my husband said he was going to work half-a-day. WTF??? WORK???

I already gave up a wedding (we married at the courthouse), a honeymoon to save money......and now my soon to be husband has to go into the office for a couple of hours. ??

I set my standards so low back then I paid for it for the next 20 years. Actually, because I have two children that are a product of divorce, I am still paying for it. 

RUN like Forest Gump from this guy. Just like my husband, as soon as he knows he can get something over on you and you will "let it slide", he will do it again, and again, and again.....

I would say you can consider yourself lucky you found out early in the marriage and can end it. I would tell EVERYBODY that would listen what he did to you AND I would post his POS cheating A$$ on Cheaterville. 

You married a stranger, someone that lied to you every day, someone that exposed you to sexually transmitted diseases.........

I don't like your husband. AT ALL!!

Hang tough and don't accept his terrible behavior. TERRIBLE.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

He lied about being exclusive. That's clearly cheating. Will he again? Is it indicative of future behavior? Who knows, but it raises a serious risk factor.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I really don't get this mindset that a lot of women have of "well he chose me". Well la di da! What a prize you got! Your hb has shown that he's a liar; it's entirely possible he'll be an honest, faithful husband but unfortunately you'll never know. He doesn't even have the decency to discuss it with you, particularly considering he was exposing you to whatever she had. Doesn't sound like that great of a catch to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Good lord, MovingAhead, this is among the worst posts I've ever seen.
> 
> You are telling me she shouldn't be upset that she finds out her boyfriend/fiancé /future husband had another chick on the side?
> ...
> ...



He didn't say anything like that. He never said she shouldn't be upset, nor did he say she should get down on her knees and thank in. *As a matter of fact, he didn't say anything even close to that.* OMG some people are wildly exaggerating in this thread and projecting big time. 

He just said that he made his mistakes before, but they are married now, and she should take that into account. It's simply not the same thing as cheating after you have taken vows. 

Look, I know some of you have been hurt by cheaters yourselves and think everyone in the world is a lying cheater (look at Remain's signature quote, for example). But stop projecting your anger onto the OP's husband. It might be cathartic to you, but it's not helpful to her.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I really don't get this mindset that a lot of women have of "well he chose me". Well la di da! What a prize you got!


But this isn't your husband, it's hers. That's why you don't "get this mindset". And she loves him, so he is a prize to her. 

To the OP, if you can't get past this, I recommend you both go to couple's therapy to work this out. I foresee a disaster if every time you have an argument in the future, you bring up his unfaithfulness while you were dating. Forgiveness is hard, but if you want to stay together, that's what you will have to do. Otherwise, it will poison your daily lives forever. 

*HOWEVER* - forgiving someone doesn't mean being blind and stupid. I also recommend you look for any signs that he is cheating on you now, and keep your eyes open in the future.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

One word -*Annulment*


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Oh my. This is not good.

Moving Ahead... your theory might hold SOME water (just a little bit) *IF, and only if,* she had been aware at the time that he was seeing other people. But she WASN'T aware of this because she clearly states they were in an EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Exclusive to me means "we aren't dating anyone else, only each other." Are you really stating that it's ok to cheat on your exclusive partner as long as you're not married?!?! Sure, lots of people date around before choosing their mate, but he should have made it clear to her that he was dating someone else and also sleeping with that person.

Had he done that, I doubt very much that she would have continued seeing him, much less MARRY THE GUY.

His deceit is deplorable.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Good lord, MovingAhead, this is among the worst posts I've ever seen.
> 
> You are telling me she shouldn't be upset that she finds out her boyfriend/fiancé /future husband had another chick on the side? This wasn't some ex gf that he had one more romp with for old time sake (not that that would be good either). They took vacations together_ behind her back!!
> 
> ...


Holy crap dude calm down. He didn't say or even insinuate that. He's already stated that if she leaves, she leaves and he understands why. 

If it were me that would be a dealbreaker too. A serious one. For him it isn't. Just calm the hell down; you won't make your point by demonizing the person with whom you disagree.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

So what you were deceived, you were plan B!!

:wtf:


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## Mortie (Dec 19, 2013)

Newly, I understand what you are going through, my story is similar except I found out 22 years and 3 kids later. I am very sorry for what you are going through and I know it is very painful. I found out about 6 months ago and I still cant seem to get over the pain. By him not telling you, he robbed you of a choice, keep him or dump him. You need to make a decision now before you look back 10 years later and with kids then you find out that hes done it again. Take the advice seriously because odds are not in your favor.
Sorry.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

That piece of paper you signed saying you're married doesn't make the feeling of being cheated on any more worse, any more painful and any more paralyzing. 

I really wish some people would STOP downplaying cheating if it happens prior to marriage. It is bullsh*t. Finding out the guy you love and trusted cheated at any point in the relationship f'cking sucks the life out of you. Their relationship is a lie. 

So MovingAhead? What more does she want? Why is she complaining? Because she found out the man she trusted betrayed her. Period. She wants what she thought she had. An honest and loving relationship. Guess what? She doesn't have either one of those. Who gives a flying f*ck what that piece of sh*t has been doing for the last two months, what matters is his character since she met him and his character blows monkey balls. 

OP, Don't for a second believe that you have to live with this. Your husband did you wrong. You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, and he made a complete fool of you. Not to mention his family. How humiliating that must be to face these people that knew he was screwing around on you and they even met her. 

My boyfriend/fiancé cheated on me, OP and I promise you I don't need that stupid piece of paper to feel every ounce of pain that goes along with that cheating. 

He is a con. You are not obligated to do anything now except take care of yourself.


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## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

So...it didn't sound to me like HE thought they were exclusive in the period where he was seeing both, considering we only have the one side of the story. He wasn't honest up front about it. That is true. 

Wasn't the wife technically the other woman, albeit unknowingly? He was seeing the other woman first.

How about this...can he prove he stopped seeing the original girlfriend BEFORE he asked his now wife to marry him? And how long was he seeing them simultaneously before he made a choice?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Theseus said:


> He didn't say anything like that. He never said she shouldn't be upset, nor did he say she should get down on her knees and thank in. *As a matter of fact, he didn't say anything even close to that.* OMG some people are wildly exaggerating in this thread and projecting big time.
> 
> He just said that he made his mistakes before, but they are married now, and she should take that into account. It's simply not the same thing as cheating after you have taken vows.
> 
> Look, I know some of you have been hurt by cheaters yourselves and think everyone in the world is a lying cheater (look at Remain's signature quote, for example). But stop projecting your anger onto the OP's husband. It might be cathartic to you, but it's not helpful to her.


He questioned why she was complaining about the situation, as if she had no right to do so and was making a mountain out of a molehill.

I agree it's not the same as if he was cheating while they were married. Fact of the matter is they've only been married for two months, and in effect their entire courtship was built around a lie. If he expectation was they were exclusive, then that was the expectation.

If it was years in the past, then yes get over it. They've been married months. Not a great way to start out IMO.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> He questioned why she was complaining about the situation, as if she had no right to do so and was making a mountain out of a molehill.
> 
> *I agree it's not the same as if he was cheating while they were married. Fact of the matter is they've only been married for two months, and in effect their entire courtship was built around a lie. If he expectation was they were exclusive, then that was the expectation.
> 
> If it was years in the past, then yes get over it. * They've been married months. Not a great way to start out IMO.


Why isn't it the same if they were married? Why is the relationship and trust between two people only more valuable when there is a marriage involved? 

And get over it if it was years in the past? Have you ever found out you were cheated on in the past and never knew? Do you know what it feels like to believe one thing about your relationship when the truth about those years pre/post marriage was based on lies? 

If you do, I highly doubt you would advise to "Get over it". Saying that to someone that was cheated on is never okay, regardless of _when _the cheating occurred.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I can't win.

What I was trying to say is that if she found out he had an extra girl on the side, but they had been married for years and he was faithful then that is a different ball of wax. Not that it trivializes the betrayal. "Get over it" was a poor choice of words. 

This is also assuming that there was no expectation of exclusivity, as the other poster argued. I find that laughable. Dating someone, then engaged, spoken or unspoken has the expectation of exclusivity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Theseus said:


> He didn't say anything like that. He never said she shouldn't be upset, nor did he say she should get down on her knees and thank in. *As a matter of fact, he didn't say anything even close to that.* OMG some people are wildly exaggerating in this thread and projecting big time.
> 
> He just said that he made his mistakes before, but they are married now, and she should take that into account. It's simply not the same thing as cheating after you have taken vows.
> 
> Look, I know some of you have been hurt by cheaters yourselves and*think everyone in the world is a lying cheater (look at Remain's signature quote, for example)*. But stop projecting your anger onto the OP's husband. It might be cathartic to you, but it's not helpful to her.


As a matter of fact, you have the 'matter of fact' regarding me and my signature very very wrong. I think I can also vouch for 'some of us' too. I projected nothing but my annoyance at a post that was not only very misguided, but also highly unhelpful for the original poster.


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

newlymarried2014 said:


> I am just recently married, about 2 months. I just found out that while my husband and I were exclusively dating, he was carrying on another relationship with someone else. In fact he was with the other woman first and then met me shortly after they had started dating. He had introduced me to his family, as he did with her as well......during the same timeframe. He was dating (and sleeping) with the both of us at the same time. I get that he picked me, that he married me and I believe that he is faithful to me now.....but I can not get past this feeling of hurt and betrayal. If I had known back when were just dating, I would have never stayed with him. Looking back on it now, there were major red flags but I was so in love and thought that he was the one, so I ignored those red flags. I just found out recently because I was looking thru his email to find his internet radio account information to update the billing and I came across emails from when he and I were dating (exclusively). I found an itinerary for a trip he took with the other woman to NYC. I asked him who this woman was and he said just someone he was casually dating. I then asked him if he was casually dating her then why was he in NYC with her when we were officially together. He now says he doesn't want to talk about it and basically just shuts down. I really don't know what to do here. All I am left to do is assume. Which is never a good thing. What do you all think?


My advice is to get over it. If he's faithful during the marriage then it's all good.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

melw74 said:


> This is all fine, but why cant he discuss it with his wife..... he owes her that surely??


I agree. I think he did a bad thing. I think there were far worse things he could have done.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Rugs said:


> So what you were deceived, you were plan B!!
> 
> :wtf:


I actually disagree with this. I think she was plan A.

Hubby was dating someone else, found OP... started dating OP, didn't fully cut the strings. Married OP, chose OP, original gf seems like plan B.

I'm just being honest.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

So here is the hypothetical...

I'm dating a really great girl, I think I like a lot and it is nice. All of a sudden I meet a new girl that I am absolutely crazy about. I am young and stupid and I find myself dating both. I like the first one, but I really like the second one.

I tell them both we are exclusive. I do this to lay claim on both and I know it is selfish but if I can get away with it, great. I'm falling more for girl #2 and now it is a mess because girl #1 is decent so it's hard to break it off. I do but we do have a toss in the hay. I really like girl #2 and ask her to marry me. She says yes. We marry.

I love her to death and have been an ideal husband because I really do love her. I did not meet her at the best time, but I could not help myself so I courted her and I tried to break it off with original girl but it was hard. I traded up.

Did I do a bad thing? Yes. Was the girl I asked to marry me plan B? Hell no! Do I want to talk about this and chance the thought of her divorcing me? No.

Young guy finds girl of his dreams while dating another girl... makes some bad mistakes but gets girl of his dreams.... marries her and has been a model husband...

Please just string that [email protected][email protected]@[email protected] up, Post him on Cheatersville and ****slap him all over the world for going for what he wanted.

Was he perfect? no. Was he awful? no. Was he selfish? Yes...

OP. It is your decision, but again I think it could have been a lot worse. I don't get where you were plan B. I know what it is like to be plan B

Good luck in your decision. Your choice is yours alone.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> So here is the hypothetical...
> 
> I'm dating a really great girl, I think I like a lot and it is nice. All of a sudden I meet a new girl that I am absolutely crazy about. I am young and stupid and I find myself dating both. I like the first one, but I really like the second one.
> 
> ...


You are an a-hole and deserve to have her leave you. Lying and being dishonest should earn you your walking papers.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I see her as Plan B:

Plan B is someone safe you can lie to. 

If her husband was so great after they married, why won't he talk to her about his past and what and why he did what he did? I'd bet he is still cheating on her or will be soon, especially if she forgives him about his cheating prior to marriage. 

He took his AP on a vacation for Pete's sake. I'm guessing the OW may have found out and kicked him to the curb and our new bride is again, Plan B. 

Yes, it's a big deal if your serious boyfriend lies and cheats on you before you are married. 

And the worst thing is, he won't talk to you about it. What else is he not going to talk about in your married years to come?

Communicating is key in a marriage. 

If your husband was remorseful and gave you an explanation I might understand where your husband was coming from but he has sent you to the internet where strangers are making all kinds of assumptions about someone we don't know. 

Plan A, plan B, plan G, .....your new husband is an a$$.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> You are an a-hole and deserve to have her leave you. Lying and being dishonest should earn you your walking papers.


Every guy has been dishonest with every girl and has lied to them else they would not be in a relationship. This is a well known fact...

Woman: Do I look fat in this? Guy: (Holy snikees, I am going to say whatever I need to to duck this no win question.) No, baby you look great...

We are never 100% honest with our women.

I'm not suggesting that what the husband did was not wrong. For those of you who are 4 years old, cannot read and keep putting words in my mouth and making grand leaps here is what I am saying.

I believe OP should look at her husband in his totality. She should talk to him about what has happened. She should decide on her terms whether or not the past is a deal breaker for her. This is her decision alone.

I don't see the husband as cheating on her so much as I see him cheating on his former gf. 

As for being exclusive. My gf believes I am exclusive to her. I never promised that. To assume that we are without a promise from me is a bad assumption on her part. I want to make sure OP wasn't assuming things that both did not agree to.

That is just my opinion. There are a lot of angry women who think OP should just hang husband out to dry. I don't think he is that bad. There has been no evidence to suggest 1. he is a player, 2. he is a serial cheater, 3. he hasn't been a totally faithful husband.

There have been a lot of assumptions and angry posts based on conjecture and projection. Read OPs first post. Not everyone is a life destroyer and everyone makes mistakes. Whether or not his mistakes can be forgiven by OP is her decision.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

MovingAhead you are changing the OP inquiry. She stated that he was still involved with the OW AFTER he had asked her to MARRY him.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> Every guy has been dishonest with every girl and has lied to them else they would not be in a relationship. This is a well known fact...
> 
> Woman: Do I look fat in this? Guy: (Holy snikees, I am going to say whatever I need to to duck this no win question.) No, baby you look great...
> 
> ...


So you are letting your GF believe you are exclusive? If you know she thinks that, why don't you correct her? And I am surprised you actually have the gall to come onto a marriage/relationship forum surrounded by people who have been cheated on by wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends and talk about your GF assuming incorrectly. I feel sorry for your GF and I hope she realizes how shady you are. 

Once you go from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend you are in a relationship and cheating in that capacity hurts just as much as if you were married.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Okay, let's take this from the top. 



newlymarried2014 said:


> I am just recently married, about 2 months. I just found out that *while my husband and I were exclusively dating*, he was carrying on another relationship with someone else. In fact he was with the other woman first and then met me shortly after they had started dating. He had *introduced me to his family, as he did with her as well......during the same timeframe.* *He was dating (and sleeping) with the both of us at the same time. * I get that he picked me, that he married me and I believe that he is faithful to me now.....but I can not get past this feeling of hurt and betrayal. *If I had known back when were just dating, I would have never stayed with him.* Looking back on it now, there were major red flags but I was so in love and thought that he was the one, so I ignored those red flags. I just found out recently because I was looking thru his email to find his internet radio account information to update the billing and I came across emails from when *he and I were dating (exclusively)*. I found an itinerary for a trip he took with the other woman to NYC. I asked him who this woman was and he said just someone he was casually dating. I then asked him if he was casually dating her then *why was he in NYC with her when we were officially together.* He now says *he doesn't want to talk about it and basically just shuts down.* I really don't know what to do here. All I am left to do is assume. Which is never a good thing. What do you all think?


Clearly, newly and her husband were exclusive while he was dating the OW, which means that, yes, he actively deceived her. 

This constitutes cheating, newly. And the fact that he won't talk about it doesn't bode well, either -- usually when cheaters clam up, it's because there are more secrets to hide.

In your post, you say that if you knew he was seeing both of you at the same time, you never would have stayed with him. I can't imagine how it feels for you to know that your relationship and marriage is based on lies.  

As far as what you can do - well, you can only control yourself. You can tell him and, more importantly, show him what is and is not acceptable to you in a relationship/marriage. *Boundaries* are your friend. Set them and enforce them.

Not everything in the book will be applicable to your situation but I strongly suggest buying or renting the book _Not Just Friends_ by Dr. Shirley Glass. 

Good luck, and remember that you are not to blame for his cheating or his immature reactions to your questions.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> So here is the hypothetical...
> 
> I'm dating a really great girl, I think I like a lot and it is nice. All of a sudden I meet a new girl that I am absolutely crazy about. I am young and stupid and I find myself dating both. I like the first one, but I really like the second one.
> 
> ...


If the genders were switched in your hypothetical, would you be giving the woman a pass like you do the man?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

OP has never returned to this thread, so not quite sure why we're all getting our underwear in a bunch over this anyway....

:rofl:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Remains said:


> I suggest you tell him he must discuss it, otherwise he leaves you no choice but to seek annulment. If this doesn't give him the needed kick up the backside, nothing will. You will be dealing with an unremorseful cheater who will end up doing this again. Possibly even with the same woman. I would keep an eye on that relationship regardless.


Do this.

Inform him you need to discuss this in a calm confident manner.

Try to keep your emotions in check.

You should treat this as an infidelity, if the two of you had an understanding of exclusivity.

If you choose to stay with him and work past this then it's a good time to lay down some boundaries as to how you feel about opposite sex "friends" and inform him that any future contact with this woman will resort in divorce.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> So you are letting your GF believe you are exclusive? If you know she thinks that, why don't you correct her? And I am surprised you actually have the gall to come onto a marriage/relationship forum surrounded by people who have been cheated on by wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends and talk about your GF assuming incorrectly. I feel sorry for your GF and I hope she realizes how shady you are.
> 
> Once you go from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend you are in a relationship and cheating in that capacity hurts just as much as if you were married.


It is a hypothetical. I am an open book in real life.

Please re-read the first sentence... 'So here is the hypothetical'.

I know the pain cheating causes. I am one of the unfortunate and no I would not do that to anyone, but many guys do not have the first hand experience that the guys on this forum do.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> If the genders were switched in your hypothetical, would you be giving the woman a pass like you do the man?


I did not give him a pass. I am sorry I don't agree with the 'YaYa sisterhood' here.

I have stated on numerous times that if it is a deal breaker for her that is her decision. I stated I did not think it was that bad and I will tell you the reasons.

1. We only get her side of the story. I am not saying she is a liar, but when people tell their stories, they usually inflate their side and deflate the other side. That is human nature.

2. She stated he has been a model husband.

3. I believe it is usually 90% of the time better to reconcile. That is my personal belief.

So you (mostly scorned women) who want to hang this husband out to dry have just gone after him, told her to run as fast as she can, throw him to the dogs and let them feed on his carcass.

I do not begrudge you that. I do not think that you are necessarily wrong, but it does seem like a mob mentality and you (mostly scorned women) are telling OP to drop her husband who she said was a model husband. I think that sometimes a little clearer thought and contrarian advice might be warranted so that you can look at the whole picture and see the forest through the trees.

I repeatedly said, I think this is a great opportunity to communicate. He would have to do the heavy lifting like all cheaters would have to do, and I also said if it is a deal breaker for OP that is her decision.

For all of you who have gone through the healing process, make sure you don't get stuck in the 'bitter' phase. We all have been cheated on.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Do this.
> 
> Inform him you need to discuss this in a calm confident manner.
> 
> ...


That is good advice.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Moving 

Have you tried anger management or employed the tenants of fair fighting? 

A short course in logic might help you to avoid spitefulness during a discussion and stick to the issues at hand. If you are frustrated because you are bested by the others, control yourself and bow out gracefully. 

At any rate, you, of all people, should not mock scorned women. From what I understand aren't you a scorned man. 

It might be wise to employ some introspection.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Moving
> 
> Have you tried anger management or employed the tenants of fair fighting?
> 
> ...


Catherine, I am going to use small words so you can understand this. (I am also starting off with an insult as you did to keep this on a level playing field...)

1. Anger Management... Ok, that was a feckless attempt at answering any post in this thread. Since my degree is in mathematics and I have somewhat of an expertise in logic, I'll help you out... follow along

In this thread, I have never in any way shown any anger toward anyone. Anger in posts usually are denoted by using unwarranted capitalizations and/or bold type. Please point out in this thread where I came off as angry. I did say 'scorned women'. I am not angry with them. Because I disagree with them, does not make me angry or bitter and I did not attack them personally.

Now in another thread, in which I was pointing out that my EX-wife makes me angry and I deal with it through a psychologist, I was giving advice that was given to me.

My EX wife makes me angry because of the abuse to my son. That does not translate to the people here. Because I disagree with someone, I don't get angry. If I think someone is a knob or a tool I will say it. P9OS.

Now the fact that I gave advice on how to not let people bother you by coping mechanisms and I do get angry with my EX. That was on another thread. I believe you took that and are using it here to make a point. Unfortunately you are mixing the two together. You are taking information about a totally unrelated topic and applying it here in this thread and acting as if they are the same. They are not, that is why the threads are separated.

The problem I have with people like you is you read things that were not written or spoken or said or meant. I have never been angry with the women on this thread. I did say that they were scorned. I don't care if it is taboo or not. I gave my opinion and that is all it is. If I think someone is an azz I will say it.

2. 'If I am frustrated because I am bested by others...' Ok, this is another point where we disagree. I do not believe it is a contest in which someone has to win. The only opinion that matters is the OPs as it is her life. I'm not trying to win a debate. I gave an opinion. I gave a contrarian view. I did point out that it was a bit of a mob mentality from mostly scorned women. (If you would like me to point out how many times it has been said that the men here can be bitter and angry and say D D D D D...) It is really similar in this case but genders are reversed. The idea that a thought or attitude has to prevail here is ludicrous. It doesn't matter what anyone of us thinks. What matters is the OPs actions so if she finds any advice useful then that is wonderful. It doesn't matter who the source is. 

3. I am a scorned man. My wife left me for my next door neighbor. I have been through my own personal hell. I did my introspection. I am not bitter. I have been given a great opportunity to do great things and I relish the days more. Yes my wife scorned me, humiliated me, caused me unbelievable pain and yet she awoke something in me that I am grateful for.

I am not bitter.

When a few of the women here get in a fit about something, you/they really want someone to pay for it. 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' You can unleash your fury on me. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. I just think you are a scorned woman when I have words put in my mouth or attacked needlessly or personally so I don't pay it much mind.

I am too dumb to just shut up and go away so I don't care.

Besides I am going to point out a little fact to you.

YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING THAT I USED AS MY ARGUMENTS ON HOW I BASED MY OPINION. You just attacked me and told me I lost an argument and to scram.

If you want to have an ARGUMENT based on LOGIC, then discuss the ARGUMENTS made, don't just attack someone. Make a point. That is logic. What you used was emotion... fluffy bunnies, purple clouds, unicorns etc...

See now I used CAPS, and I am still not 'angry'. Catherine, I hope you have a nice night. God bless.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm not a scorned woman.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> Since my degree is in mathematics and I have somewhat of an expertise in logic, I'll help you out... follow along


Okay, this is funny in a way you probably do not understand.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Okay, this is funny in a way you probably do not understand.


Actually no I get it. You are calling me stupid without saying it. You are making an inside joke that you believe I am missing or not, but I understand. You are insulting me (gently) You are calling me obtuse not because I don't make sound arguments but it is again a loyalty to the people who you agree with (on this issue), a kind of camaraderie if you will.

We disagree on this thread and you agreed with what the women had to say however I will point this out. If you disagree with me, pick my arguments apart. Oh wait, throw insults, put words in my mouth and then tell me I am not the one being logical... whatever...

OP stated she started dating her husband when he was already dating this other girl... Doesn't that make the OP the OW? Read the first post.

If husband was dating other girl first exclusively, OP was the OW. This little fact was never addressed. Do we just assume husband is a total tool and hang him? Kind of need more info maybe?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> I'm not a scorned woman.


No you are not. You asked me a good and valid question. I made over generalizations as I do often because I can be too often long winded.

Even if you disagree with what I say, you actually asked me a good question making me defend or expand upon my opinion without calling me names or insulting me.

I answered your question honestly. I never gave the husband a pass. I just don't think all the facts are on the table and I honestly don't think his actions were near as horrible as many of those here. I don't think it is good just to jump to conclusions and I believe that discussion and communication is a good thing in marriage.

But sometimes I just have silly thoughts... Who knows, husband could be a total cad!


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> It is a hypothetical. I am an open book in real life.
> 
> Please re-read the first sentence... 'So here is the hypothetical'.
> 
> I know the pain cheating causes. I am one of the unfortunate and no I would not do that to anyone, but many guys do not have the first hand experience that the guys on this forum do.


I suggest you re-read the entire post I quoted the second time MH...As you don't mention hypothetical at all. You gave a hypothetical in a previous post. The second was stated very matter of factly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

You are right. I muddled the two. I apologize. I was mistaken. I am going to blame it on not having my glasses but that is just an excuse. I was wrong. It will not be the last time.

To answer that though let me point this out.

As part of dating, I will not be responsible for what any woman I date thinks. People assume things they should not. If we have an agreement, the agreement is made between us. If she believes we have an agreement and I never committed to it then that assumption is bad on her part. The 'I thought... ' That doesn't hold any water with me. I am sorry but it is true. If you want something ask for it don't assume it.

It is not cheating if you haven't agreed to it. 

When I date someone exclusively I don't share. I also mean I don't share me with anyone else. Up until the time we talk about it and have an agreement, we have no agreement. In point of fact, I am the one who brought it up. I was dating many girls at one time. I don't sleep around but the one I like the best passed the 90 day mark so I told her that I don't share. I dropped all others and we will see. She lives far away but she has a fantastic personality. That is a trait I would pick over proximity any day. It's too bad I don't have a good personality. We will clash


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> Every guy has been dishonest with every girl and has lied to them else they would not be in a relationship. This is a well known fact...
> 
> Woman: Do I look fat in this? Guy: (Holy snikees, I am going to say whatever I need to to duck this no win question.) No, baby you look great...
> 
> ...


No it isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> No it isn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me enlighten you then...

From Womansday... (10 secrets husbands hide...)

1. I need you to make me feel like a big, strong man
2. Yes, I was checking out that woman
3. It's not that you look fat in that dress, they just all look the same to me.
4. Making love is great, but let's just have sex on occasion
5. I have particular sexual fantasies
6. Sometimes I'd rather you be quiet
7. I lie to keep the peace
8. I wish you took better care of yourself
9. I don't want to do all the dirty work
10. We're struggling financially

All men are dishonest to an extent... It is true. If you are totally honest you are in trouble. #6, #7, #8, #3, #2 honesty there is a world of pain for any guy. just sayin...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> From Womansday... (10 secrets husbands hide...)
> 
> 1. I need you to make me feel like a big, strong man
> 2. Yes, I was checking out that woman
> ...


You found this in Womansday!?

Damn, somebody broke the bro code.


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Wonder if OP reads this stuff?

newlymarried2014 how are things?

What's going on?

Hope you come back and chat with us. Hope these arguments didn't scare you away.

Really, truly, a lot of us want to hear from you. Wishing you well!


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

newlymarried2014 said:


> If I had known back when were just dating, I would have never stayed with him.


Same thing happened to me and I have always said what you said above. It sucks. Ugh!



> He now says he doesn't want to talk about it and basically just shuts down. I really don't know what to do here. All I am left to do is assume. Which is never a good thing. What do you all think?


Well he bloody well better talk about it. Like yesterday. Sorry about my swearing LOL. Don't let him give you the silent treatment. Wave D papers at him if necessary because if he doesn't give you all the detail, without omitting anything you will never feel secure or have peace of mind. 

You are only recently married and he did this in your honeymoon period. You know how it is when we meet someone and we have eyes for no one else? Also he met you while he was still with OW. 

On balance I wouldn't say he is husband material if all this happened and you are only just married. 

Also remember that R takes years, not months and the hurt never fully disappears. So your marriage is off to the worst start possible. And will you feel secure having kids with him?

If I had to call it and I know it's horrible for you I would say divorce him immediately while you are still young and have the opportunity to meet a proper honourable man. It will and should go something like this. You meet, you fall in love and you get married. Because you will meet someone and you can be sure of that. I'm glad you didn't have kids with him before finding out. 

Out him to your family. I would want to know if my darling daughter married someone like him and I would be encouraging her to run for the hills. 

Sorry if my post seems harsh but that's my opinion for what ti's worth. 

Being a newly-wed, I am SO SO sorry this happened to you.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

I couldn't resist adding the below and I probably shouldn't even bother. Only doing so in case OP is reading this. 


MovingAhead said:


> So he wasn't sure and he had both of you. He decided. He made up his mind and married you. He has been faithful since you have been married.


Gee, OP should feel glad she won the competition. 
Faithful for 60 days??? SO reassuring.


> He was dating someone else. He then found you and liked you better. He liked her too but there was something about you that he really liked. He actually like both of you.


OMG! I can't believe I'm reading that. So Mr Irrestible the liar *pretended* he was dating exclusively knowing full well OP wouldn't have kept dating him if she knew *as she said in her first post. *

Hands up TAMMERS anyone who would willingly agree to that. Would you MA, in all honesty? 

It goes something like this. . . 
"That was a great date honey. However I can't see you next w/e as I'm holidaying with another woman I'm dating because I can't choose between you." 

"Sure darling, that's fine," says OP. "I'll see you when you get back."

I didn't know cheating was allowed before marriage. Non-exclusive dating is. . . as long as both people know because anyone who's dating anyone has a right to know that. 

Oh, and a *bit* betrayed? Being betrayed is rather like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't. 

I've just thrown my phone across the room.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

MovingAhead said:


> Catherine, I am going to use small words so you can understand this. (I am also starting off with an insult as you did to keep this on a level playing field...)
> 
> 1. Anger Management... Ok, that was a feckless attempt at answering any post in this thread. Since my degree is in mathematics and I have somewhat of an expertise in logic, I'll help you out... follow along
> 
> ...


_Ibid_., post #51


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> OP has never returned to this thread, so not quite sure why we're all getting our underwear in a bunch over this anyway....
> 
> :rofl:



She's out having her revenge affair, because she got riled up after hearing all the scorned women in this thread throwing their phones around.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> _Ibid_., post #51


Catherine, ILYBINILWY

I'm sorry. I have a twisted sense of humor. I really hope you enjoy your Sunday. Take care. (That was bad on my part and I apologize)


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## Midlifeturmoil (Dec 30, 2013)

newlymarried2014 said:


> I believe that he is faithful to me now.....but I can not get past this feeling of hurt and betrayal. If I had known back when were just dating, I would have never stayed with him. ?


Newly, why do you believe this? Are you monitoring him in any way to have confidence that he is not in contact with her even now? I suggest you lay low for a short period of time (maybe a couple of weeks?) and make sure he is not continuing contact with her. You will find much advice here in other threads to guide you in that process. I think your path would be very clear if this is still ongoing at any level.




newlymarried2014 said:


> I then asked him if he was casually dating her then why was he in NYC with her when we were officially together. He now says he doesn't want to talk about it and basically just shuts down. I really don't know what to do here. All I am left to do is assume. Which is never a good thing. What do you all think?


Your marriage will be a disaster if you rug sweep this and "are left to assume". You will always wonder when or if he decides to reinitiate their relationship...assuming she is willing (remember, he cheated on her too). Because obviously, he isn't real big on letting you in on these minor details.

You must have more self respect than that. You don't have to live that way. 

IMHO, your marriage is now changed forever. It is not and never will be the marriage that you signed up for. He MUST recognize this too and be willing to work at fixing it, assuming that is what you decide you want.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

MovingAhead said:


> Catherine, ILYBINILWY


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I have a feeling that the OP is rather short and lives out of doors near a body of water. Otherwise, why make one provocative post and then disappear.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Actually no I get it. You are calling me stupid without saying it. You are making an inside joke that you believe I am missing or not, but I understand. You are insulting me (gently) You are calling me obtuse not because I don't make sound arguments but it is again a loyalty to the people who you agree with (on this issue), a kind of camaraderie if you will.
> 
> We disagree on this thread and you agreed with what the women had to say however I will point this out. If you disagree with me, pick my arguments apart. Oh wait, throw insults, put words in my mouth and then tell me I am not the one being logical... whatever...
> 
> ...


Nope. You used an appeal to authority, which is a logical fallacy, while talking about logic expertise. I thought that was funny and your overreaction is funnier. Oh, I wouldn't be subtle. If I thought you were stupid, I'd risk a ban and call you that outright. If I agreed with the twisting of your point, I'd say so. All you could do is report my post and type angry words at me.

You are a mathematician which, I agree, involves logic expertise. There are different forms of logic, like verbal and rhetorical, where your expertise would be limited. My expertise, using your own description and educational comment, is rhetorical devices and such. So, it was funny and I thought you'd pick that up when you calmed down. Guess not. The irony is, I put NO words in your mouth, erased your entire post, and laughed at a singular small sentence. You vented about every other poster, put their comments on me, said I backed theirposition and then put words in my mouth.

LOL.
I know exactly what you meant. Dating is dating. Was he dishonest? Sure. Is she number 2? Not in my book.

Edit:
Before you find a flaw, everyone is/was attacking you using red herrings, strawmans, ad hominems, special pleading and other logical fallacies. So, it was funny because that was the first time you drifted from your point into their realm. I actually laughed because you were being logical and staying away from their mistakes until that point. 

I agreed with no one nor stated my opinion until now so:


> You are making an inside joke that you believe I am missing or not, but I understand.


 This is true, except for you not missing and you understanding.


> You are insulting me (gently)


 Nope. 


> You are calling me obtuse not because I don't make sound arguments


 This is partially true. I was laughing strictly at logic expert, logical fallacy. It had nothing at all to do with your argument or implying it was bad. 


> it is again a loyalty to the people who you agree with (on this issue), a kind of camaraderie if you will.


You'll find, until this post, I took no sides and agreed with no one.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Nope. You used an appeal to authority, which is a logical fallacy, while talking about logic expertise. I thought that was funny and your overreaction is funnier. Oh, I wouldn't be subtle. If I thought you were stupid, I'd risk a ban and call you that outright. If I agreed with the twisting of your point, I'd say so. All you could do is report my post and type angry words at me.
> 
> You are a mathematician which, I agree, involves logic expertise. There are different forms of logic, like verbal and rhetorical, where your expertise would be limited. My expertise, using your own description and educational comment, is rhetorical devices and such. So, it was funny and I thought you'd pick that up when you calmed down. Guess not. The irony is, I put NO words in your mouth, erased your entire post, and laughed at a singular small sentence. You vented about every other poster, put their comments on me, said I backed theirposition and then put words in my mouth.
> 
> ...


How noble of you. To lead someone into an argument and tear them down in such a clever manner. I am so impressed.


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## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

And for all of this nonsense...the original poster hasn't said anything in days. why did this become about someone else?


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

How are you doing OP?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ok, totally off-topic here, but this another one of those threads where the *OP never even comes back!* Not once...

Drives me batty!!! And it makes me wonder if we are dealing with the dreaded "T" word...


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Ok, totally off-topic here, but this another one of those threads where the *OP never even comes back!* Not once...
> 
> Drives me batty!!! And it makes me wonder if we are dealing with the dreaded "T" word...


I don't think so Clam. "T" s usually like to kick up a storm and there was a lot of hollering on here which would make T very happy. 

I think the direction the thread took may have put OP off and she has perhaps gone to another infidelity site. I've seen it happen before. 

I do hope she's OK because D-day 60 days into a marriage is a helluva hit.


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