# What makes you LOVE a woman?



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Rory whatever her name is says she can tell me for $500. I thought I would just ask here, and see what you guys think. 
I'm 45, and stepping into that murky and scary dating pool. I want it all: real love and good sex. The latter seems to be in high demand. But that's no good to me without the former. So chime in. Maybe I should add: what makes you NOT love a woman?
Thanks for your thoughts.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Personality and morals made me love her.

Pesonality and morals made me stop loving her.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm guessing it's either voodoo, black magic, or some cruel chemical trick of biology. If logic were involved, I would have become a eunich.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

So, did her personality and morals change, or did your tastes in them change?


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I am like "sexual Napalm" right now, but trying hard not to run away a good man by being too free, too early. Clearly, I have not learned all I need to know on the subject, and my voodoo has serious limits. Why does this have to be so hard? 

Ok, so I grew up taught that you don't do certain things on a first date. Or go to a hotel. So am I still right in thinking that these are red flags, or has all that been thrown out the window? 

My self respect is all I have. If a man can't wait a week or so? Wtf? And yet it is as hard on me as it is on them to wait. Hangups or morals? I'm not sure at this point.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

AFEH said:


> At your age I would imagine compatibility to be the thing to focus on. You’re in the second half of your life, a time when many men start thinking on which direction to take their life, retirement and the run up to their end game. Maybe a change in career, new adventures that type of thing.
> 
> So a woman who is compatible with your values and beliefs, your interests and dreams, visions and plans for the future would I imagine be attractive to you.
> 
> ...


Just swap woman for man etc. Except for the last paragraph of course.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> So, did her personality and morals change, or did your tastes in them change?


I think her true personality and morals were never revealed to me.

She may still have a great personality, just not toward me.

I never thought she would cheat. Two things she promised before marriage and I told her they were a deal breaker.

Infidelity, Lies

I found both.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm so sorry, 2. I had the same thing happen with my ex. Never thought in a million years he would do those 2. It's devastating. 

Hope you can move on eventually.


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## Nd4 (Feb 3, 2014)

What attracts me to a womans personality is how she acts. No man wants to think his girl is too easy, or will freak out over nothing. So just be cool and understanding and things should work out well for you.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Masochistic tendencies


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

I'm curious on this subject, as a woman. Not many possitive stuff yet here


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Masochistic tendencies


Not following Stonewall .... What ever do you mean?


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Not following Stonewall .... What ever do you mean?


Ha, SA, you know very well !!


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Not following Stonewall .... What ever do you mean?


Sarcasm.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It just happens


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sandfly said:


> *Ha, SA, you know very well *!!





> *skype said*: *Sarcasm*.


To be honest, I don't get Joking all that well on forums, I misinterpret all kinds of things, can't even get the abbreviations half the time....it's down right embarrassing...

My husband, sweet & sensitive as the man is.. has always been attracted to ROUGH edgy feisty type women (so long as they also have a sensitive side too ... or it would all fall to the ground)... 

*What does he love*.. a woman who loves him back, appreciates him , respects him ...where he can FEEL his presence in my life brings ME happiness.... in this way, I want to give back.... It would crush him if he couldn't fulfill me in these ways...

 begats .....


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Personally the way you said you want it all and what is the kind of unrealistic and self thinking in 40's women now that makes me run like hell. Really common now you know as if they're all super models or something, they all seem to think they're still 25. But check out the date sites , far from it. You'd think 5 or 1o yrs alone and still on them should be a reality check but it doesn't seem to be.

l love and admire a good person, special, realistic with her feet on the ground, so if there's gonna be anyone new l'm really worried about finding it these days tbh.
They all seem so fkd up so far and away on planet me me la la , tell you , l've really lost the faith :scratchhead:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> To be honest, I don't get Joking all that well on forums, I misinterpret all kinds of things, can't even get the abbreviations half the time....it's down right embarrassing...
> 
> My husband, sweet & sensitive as the man is.. has always been attracted to ROUGH edgy feisty type women (so long as they also have a sensitive side too ... or it would all fall to the ground)...
> 
> ...


*SA: In a nutshell, I really think that I'm a whole lot like Mr. SA, and having read your above assessment, you are pretty well "spot-on!" Mr. SA, in my estimation, is simply one lucky guy; and you conversely are one lucky gal!

That being said, what really attracts me to a woman is: (1) her respect for her body, as well as her mind, (2) Her wit and charm, (3) Her playfulness, naughtiness, and sense of humor, (4) Her empathy for others, more especially children, (5) Cleanliness and pride about her domicile, (6) Being educated and well read, not necessarily college degreed, but having a marked sense of intelligence about her, and finally (7) An overt spirituality as well a deep-seeded reverence and love for God! And to know that, it's never really all that apparent by just the mere number of times that she comes to enter the church narthex per se, but basically by how she projects God's love to the world while she's away from the church! 

And Dear Lord, I can only hope that I would do the same for her!

But isn't it rather strange how any or all of these characteristics can slowly, or even rapidly change, over the course of a given relationship! And to that question, all I can really ask is "Why?"*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

arbitrator said:


> *SA: In a nutshell, I really think that I'm a whole lot like Mr. SA, and having read your above assessment, you are pretty well "spot-on!" Mr. SA, in my estimation, is simply one lucky guy; and you conversely are one lucky gal!*


 I always feel your posts are filled with the greatest of intentions... with the highest dream of romantic fulfillment.. in this way.... Yes.. you are a great deal like my husband... minus 2 things....*1)* caring about church... but he is very ethical - to a high degree.. I was the christian but he always had more of those "Fruits" about him.. over ME... that's just the truth. *2)* He never liked sports, we've never even watched a Super Bowl, we'd both get more excited over the commercials...are we weird or what ! (don't answer!)



> *That being said, what really attracts me to a woman is: (1) her respect for her body, as well as her mind, (2) Her wit and charm, (3) Her playfulness, naughtiness, and sense of humor, (4) Her empathy for others, more especially children, (5) Cleanliness and pride about her domicile, (6) Being educated and well read, not necessarily college degreed, but having a marked sense of intelligence about her, and finally (7) An overt spirituality as well a deep-seeded reverence and love for God! And to know that, it's never really all that apparent by just the mere number of times that she comes to enter the church narthex per se, but basically by how she projects God's love to the world while she's away from the church!*


 I very much enjoyed reading your list here, now that sounds like a Keeper!... Reverence for things above.. to me this translates into being Grateful for what we've been given- from the hand of the divine / treating others the way we want to be treated .....I was looking for a quote & found this, thought you might like it .. 













> *And Dear Lord, I can only hope that I would do the same for her!
> 
> But isn't it rather strange how any or all of these characteristics can slowly, or even rapidly change, over the course of a given relationship! And to that question, all I can really ask is "Why?*"


 I don't know Arbitrator...can I dare say...if you are like my husband, you may be geared a little too "White Knight-ish" .... a tendency when you find Love...or get caught in the whirlwind.... you may put your woman on a Pedestal...and by doing this...your vision somehow misses some of the red flags while dating...(have you married quickly in the past?).... or just "misrepresentation" on her part....her not being fully honest / holding things from you...just not digging deep to get to know one another ...those vulnerable places many fear to tread... 

..I can't imagine...if you get to know someone to *this degree*... if they are honest good women... their ending up cheating behind your back... . but maybe I am just naive....that is just so UGLY.... especially when she has a man who is so easy to talk to...cares about her needs... ya know.. which I assume you are THIS way.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


>


This is so cute!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*SA: We are all so very similar, but yet so very different. But I can greatly tell that you and your better half just seem to be so very well intended for each other. And I for one, absolutely love to read about your loving and heartfelt relationship, as it should largely serve as the standard for the others of us here at TAM!

I, for one, am so very admirable of you two. We all need role models like you, to look up to and to gauge our past relational mistakes by!

And I totally mean that!*


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

whitehawk said:


> Personally the way you said you want it all and what is the kind of unrealistic and self thinking in 40's women now that makes me run like hell. Really common now you know as if they're all super models or something, they all seem to think they're still 25. But check out the date sites , far from it. You'd think 5 or 1o yrs alone and still on them should be a reality check but it doesn't seem to be.
> 
> l love and admire a good person, special, realistic with her feet on the ground, so if there's gonna be anyone new l'm really worried about finding it these days tbh.
> They all seem so fkd up so far and away on planet me me la la , tell you , l've really lost the faith :scratchhead:


I don't see why it should be a problem that I want to be emotionally in love AS WELL as having sex. I feel like the guys I have met seem to think that because I am older, I should be willing to settle for just being a FWB. That is not who I am, and it's not who I am going to become. 

I am more sexual now than I ever have been in my life. I know more technique, and I have been with men who know more technique. But it's not all about technique. Even earth shattering sex is empty if, when it is over with, there is no strong relationship there. I want friendship, love, and a physical relationship, too. I'm not materialistic at all. I'm not jealous, and I don't care if my guy appreciates the "scenery." I do, too. 

But because I am 46 (I look 35, by the way,) and female, the only interest I seem to get is from 50 and up grandpa types with white beards and 8 months pregnant-looking beer bellies. Sorry, that does nothing for me. I am fit, curvy, and save a couple of crow's feet by my eyes, I FEEL 25. 

Yes, everyone our age who is single has baggage. Otherwise, we wouldn't likely be our age and be single. Duh. The men I meet are dumpy and think they look like Adonis, and act like they are doing me a favor by looking at me. 

I'm sorry you are having no luck on the dating sites. You're right, the same faces seem to be on there forever. But that goes for both genders. I find it insulting that the vibe I keep getting is that I should just put out and shut up about it, because I'm to old to be considered a LT love interest. That is simply not the case. I have a LOT of love to give. I'm a very considerate and sweet person. It's disheartening to be treated like a Gremlin in primer when I'm a '67 'Vette, mint.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Besides physical attraction, I think the most important thing for me is feeling that I can be myself around her and that she appreciates me for who I am. That combination is what leads me to feel "in love" more than anything else, although intelligence and sense of humor are very important to me as well (and probably relate to the first thing).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> I don't see why it should be a problem that I want to be emotionally in love AS WELL as having sex. I feel like the guys I have met seem to think that because I am older, I should be willing to settle for just being a FWB. That is not who I am, and it's not who I am going to become.
> 
> I am fit, curvy, and save a couple of crow's feet by my eyes, I FEEL 25.
> 
> I find it insulting that the vibe I keep getting is that I should just put out and shut up about it, because I'm to old to be considered a LT love interest. That is simply not the case. I have a LOT of love to give. I'm a very considerate and sweet person. It's disheartening to be treated like a Gremlin in primer when I'm a '67 'Vette, mint.


That whole post was rockin, uhaul! You sound like a hot mama!

Oh and you just haven't met the right guy. don't settle. I am like you: I can't just sleep with some randoms. Does not work for me and a lot of people seem to want that. But ya know what IDGAF because I am not sleeping with someone unless there is a connection. So to them I say, "Ju don't like it? GTFO!" Hahaha.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

John Lee said:


> Besides physical attraction, I think the most important thing for me is feeling that I can be myself around her and that she appreciates me for who I am. That combination is what leads me to feel "in love" more than anything else, although intelligence and sense of humor are very important to me as well (and probably relate to the first thing).


I've read several of your posts the last few weeks, John Lee, and have really enjoyed them. And this is one of them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

arbitrator said:


> *SA: We are all so very similar, but yet so very different. But I can greatly tell that you and your better half just seem to be so very well intended for each other. And I for one, absolutely love to read about your loving and heartfelt relationship, as it should largely serve as the standard for the others of us here at TAM!
> 
> I, for one, am so very admirable of you two. We all need role models like you, to look up to and to gauge our past relational mistakes by!
> 
> And I totally mean that!*


I am sure others find some of my posts like this... ...too mushy/ a Romantic drip....and wonder why in the heck I am still posting here...
but gotta love your words here Arbitrator ...


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

chemicals in the brain at the beginning, later is compatibility and understanting of each other


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Rory whatever her name is says she can tell me for $500. I thought I would just ask here, and see what you guys think.
> I'm 45, and stepping into that murky and scary dating pool. I want it all: real love and good sex. The latter seems to be in high demand. But that's no good to me without the former. So chime in. Maybe I should add: what makes you NOT love a woman?
> Thanks for your thoughts.


uhaul4mybaggage, Firstly I think most women are capable of being HD. 

So keeper: Being good hearted and nice to others in general is a huge bonus. The opposite is a huge red flag.

Not keeper: Things like not having girl friends (she's not a good friend), not getting along with siblings or parents (relationship disfunction), if everyone annoys her or if she's mean or demeaning to others but nice to you (she'll become mean to you), etc. These are "GET OUT" signs. I've got a couple that are more shallow than that too. If she used to be unattractive but now she's not then RUN (probably overestimates her looks). If she's trimmed down a bunch of weight while single but was heavy when previously married then RUN (classic bait&switch).


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

:scratchhead:Thundarr, what is HD? sorry.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> :scratchhead:Thundarr, what is HD? sorry.


Yea there's threads debating that topic. HD=high sexual drive. What I meant by the comment though is that many women who don't seem to need sex will still want it often if you're pushing the right relationship buttons.

If they're proud to be with you and think you're proud to be with them then good sex often follows.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I love the way women look, and talk (yes, I actually DO listen), and interact, and flirt, and smell. A classy woman (and a lot who are not "classy") put on the total package. Even with a woman who I know isn't interested in getting anything started, I enjoy just sitting with them, smelling their perfume and listening to what they have to say. Sometimes I think that I prefer a lady (and I heavily underscore LADY) who really just wants to sit and talk to you. I find that very stimulating, especially when I find out that they may be interested in some of the same things I am interested in. My woman is interested in ME, and I love her for that because sometimes I'm not very lovable.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

She is kind and compassionate and well spoken with a sense of humor. She does not get caught up in the "thick of thin things".
She is not obsessed with her looks but takes care of herself and is put together.
She is confident, educated and can take care of herself.
She is spiritual (in a religious way not in a Marin County California kind of way) and seeks to be led spiritually.

Uhaul you sound really grounded. Keep holding out for that the connection that feels rights. Put yourself in situations where you would likely meet someone with the same interests and values. It sounds like you have set high standards. Somewhere there is someone who has done the same and is looking for you. Be patient!


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

RClawson said:


> Uhaul you sound really grounded. Keep holding out for that the connection that feels rights. Put yourself in situations where you would likely meet someone with the same interests and values. It sounds like you have set high standards. Somewhere there is someone who has done the same and is looking for you. Be patient!


Thank you, RC, I appreciate the encouragement. Trying to be patient. Taking deep breaths. Hugs to you for the pep talk.


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