# Now I've done it...



## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Thanks to many folks here I am out of a bad relationship., and starting to see a new man. He's a VERY high profile man in NYC and I live on the other side of the country. We work in the same field and I met him professionally 2 years ago. I was married at the time so nothing happened. 

Well he facebooked me recently and discovered we were both single. He has a history of dating models and very pretty women. Well it started with texting and it led to him sending me pictures of his very well toned body., and the. It led to both of us texting partially clothed yet sexy pictures. Then he invited me to visit him in ny. I told him that I was worried that he had the wrong idea about me.. I'm not like that. He said there's no preconceived notions ... He'd pay for the trip and I would stay with him in the Hamptons. I said no to him paying.. But I eventually said yes to the trip. 

Now I'm freaking out. I barely know the guy except for tons of texting.. Phone calls and a lot of sexting. I know a lot of people who know him.. So he's not a predator or anything.. But I am scared that he will break my heart. He could have any girl.. 

What should I do? Back out? I don't want to weird him out.. But I feel like saying.. "I am scared you are going to break my heart".. And I doubt that is wise. 

Advice?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm not sure what type of advice you're seeking here...

You say you're "starting to see" a new man, but the reality is he lives on the OTHER SIDE of the country from you and you've talked, texted and sexted each other.

It looks like you intend to fly to NY to see him in the Hamptons. You've both sent sexy messages to each other w/pics of yourselves partially clothed. He's no doubt expecting to have lots of hot sex with you during your trip although he CLAIMS he has no 'preconceived notions'. Um, yeah, sure...he's a MAN, a heterosexual man!

You tell him you're "worried that he had the wrong idea" about you. It depends on what 'idea' you want him to have about you. Professionally? You haven't done yourself a lot of good with those pix; can't imagine the trip will enhance your 'professional' reputation. Personally? If you're interested in a 'personal' relationship with him, then it seems your texts and pix have intrigued him. Making it work cross-country will be TOUGH.

Are you capable of having a 'fun-filled sex and good times' trip with no strings attached? If so, I don't see the problem.

Are you afraid you're going to fall in love with him in the course of your visit and that he is a 'player'? If so, I'd advise against the trip.

Are you unsure how you'll make a cross-country relationship last? That would be problematic.

Are you afraid you're just going to be another conquest of his and that you may be embarrassed to have to deal with him in the future on a 'professional' level? If so, I'd advise against the trip.

Are you REALLY thinking this whole 'trip' scenario through, or are you just letting your ego do the thinking because he has a track record of dating/bedding models & pretty women?


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well I assume your smart from what you have been writing and your a big girl.How could you not know what texting and 
half naked pictures could possibly lead to.

You like what you have seen,so use protection and have fun with no expectations.

If this is not what you really want then,back out and make up 
a valid reason not to go.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

There you go again footing the bill to be somebody's booty call. You should at least let him pay for the d*mn airfare! Yeah I know he would expect something in return but he's going to get it anyway! Well take your own protection and have fun.

From what you've said in your previous posts you will NOT like yourself in the morning.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Are you being honest with us here?

Is this really a problem? Think about it.

Go with rich boy and have fun. You sent him all the signals that you're down. Now you're having second thoughts?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If he was really into you, he wouldn't put you in the position of either having to pay to visit him or accepting him paying for the trip for you to visit him. He'd be calling you because he was already in your city, having come out to see you with no personal business of his own, and wanting to know he's made dinner reservations and is picking you up.

The situation you are describing doesn't sound any different than a common booty call, but somebody changed the set/scenery.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Two weeks out of this 6 month mess:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/68097-am-i-being-used.html

And you want to jump into this one. And I say "mess" for this one in that you are expecting too much from this trip. He pays. You have fun. A lot of sex. You fly home. DONE.

But you don't seem to be that kind of woman. The title of that thread I posted was "Am I being used?". The answer was yes. The title of this one should be, to keep it consistent, "does he want to just use me? The answer will also be yes. You are afraid of falling for him? I don't know. Handsome, rich. Probably. I don't know how you won't, especially after just dumping that loser. So if that's a problem, don't go. If you want a fun trip to the Hamptons with no strings attached and a lot of sex with a rich guy with a sculpted body, go for it. 

Bring condoms, but leave your heart t home.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

How about go have a great time but don't have sex. Seriously, is it ok that he'll have had another woman in the same bed the weekend before you and another one the weekend after? If that's all you want then fine but if you want something more ie a "relationship" then have sex when you have trust and there is some level of commitment that matches your vision of what you want. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned but....


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## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

That IS the problem. I want more than just hot sex with no strings attached. And I've told him that and he keeps telling me that there is no pressure.. And he thinks we at least owe it to each other to spend sometime together to see .. 

But I'm afraid as previous posters have said.. That he's just feeding me a line. 

I mean it really is crazy for me to tell him that I want a relationship .. Since we have not been able to get to know each other on a normal dating level. I don't want to sound pathetic.. But I am not THAT kinda girl.. And yes I do worry I will end up being crushed. 





Shoto1984 said:


> How about go have a great time but don't have sex. Seriously, is it ok that he'll have had another woman in the same bed the weekend before you and another one the weekend after? If that's all you want then fine but if you want something more ie a "relationship" then have sex when you have trust and there is some level of commitment that matches your vision of what you want. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned but....


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> lorez9993
> That IS the problem. I want more than just hot sex with no strings attached.


*Then CANCEL THE TRIP. PERIOD.* And there is NO NEED to 'make up a reason'. Pull up your big-girl panties, be a WOMAN about it and merely state "This is NOT going to work for me. This is NOT what I want." (He may want you THE RIGHT WAY because you're the first woman to tell him 'no'...but I wouldn't count on it. He'll probably just consider you a c0ck-tease for sending the pix and refusing to follow-through, but Live and Learn!)

You know him professionally yet you connected on Facebook (not through an industry connection) which led to texting and sexting 1/2 naked pictures.

What do YOU think this tells a full-grown, sexually-active, rich handsome playboy-type man? SERIOUSLY! What do YOU think this says to HIM? 

And you're paying the airfare to get wined/dined/seduced then dumped (nicely, I'll bet...but dumped nonetheless.) If he's such a "catch", why isn't he married, or in a long-term monogamous relationship? Why is HE sexting pictures?

Take the money you would have spent on the airfare and connecting with him in a cross-country relationship and get into IC to figure things out. 

You do NOT have/enforce appropriate boundaries.
You have low self-esteem issues.
You appear (from the LAST GUY) to have codependency issues.
Read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and really DO THE WORK IN THE BOOK!

Go to a library website or Google and find some books on improving your self esteem and books on setting boundaries.

Get the books FREE at your library.
Buy them on Amazon.com
Download them on Kindle.

Buy the books, do the work, see a therapist, whatever it takes! *THIS could be the year you * straighten out a lot of problems in your life with real CONCERTED effort and *move forward into a happier, healthier FUTURE.*

I TRULY hope so for your sake! 

*hugs*

SGW


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> shoto1984
> How about go have a great time but don't have sex.


*A TOTALLY UNREALISTIC expectation!*

He'll be putting the pressure on from the minute her plane lands.

She's built up the expectation of hot sex with the 1/2 naked pictures and sexy messages. Her assertions that she's "not THAT kind of girl" will INSURE that he sees it as a challenge to prove to them both that she actually IS that kind of girl...and that she'll "enjoy" it...he'll be THAT c0ck-sure of himself!

He'll have the home-court advantage (the Hamptons!) AND LOTS of experience on HIS side (wining/dining/seducing).

Yeah, if she goes expecting NOT to have sex, she will come home VERY DISAPPOINTED (or raped...not that I want to cast aspersions, but let's live in the REAL WORLD here!) Rich guy foots the bill for a weekend in the Hamptons and she DOESN'T put out (like all her predecessors)...what's the liklihood this will end well?


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## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

So I've clearly been going down this road with him. While I've told him a couple of times that I was worried about the impression I was giving and that I'm not like most women who can do the no strings attached stuff...I realize that I am not shutting him down either. 
To be honest.. I like him and I'm having fun... But I recognize that it will probably end with my heart broken. He texts me so much and takes so many pics .. I know he's not with other women. He literally snaps pictures of himself as he heads to bed alone. 

But that does not mean he won't move on after he conquers me. I guess my question is.. How do I handle this ? Tell him I've reconsidered will definitely disappoint him and make him think it's over.. He has acted so excited about my visit. Come up with an excuse and delay it and see what happens? If he truly wanted to see me.. He could come to me, as well.. Right? 

I just realize this is a very high profile guy who gets what he wants. I don't want this to end badly .. No matter what I do. 



SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> *A TOTALLY UNREALISTIC expectation![/
> 
> He'll be putting the pressure on from the minute her plane lands.
> 
> ...


*
Posted via Mobile Device*


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You certainly do have an interesting life. 

Reality is you have no clue what this man is doing or with whom he's doing it.

I would have thought you would have considered being alone for awhile, and learning who you are, and not continually jumping into "relationships." If you are.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If he was really into you, he wouldn't put you in the position of either having to pay to visit him or accepting him paying for the trip for you to visit him. He'd be calling you because he was already in your city, having come out to see you with no personal business of his own, and wanting to know he's made dinner reservations and is picking you up.
> 
> The situation you are describing doesn't sound any different than a common booty call, but somebody changed the set/scenery.


:iagree:

If you're looking for a meaningful relationship, the sexy pics probably wasn't a good idea straight off the bat - and yes, he should be calling you, speaking to you on the phone (texting is a little lazy I think in a new relationship if there are zero calls), and he should definitely be coming to you, not vice versa. It all sounds too casual to be anything other than a bit of fun - and if you are feeling vulnerable already, wait for a decent guy who's more interested in you than immediately getting your kit off. 

Get happy by yourself before thinking of another man. There's nothing more sexy than confidence and knowing who you are. You are already doubtful, not a good start!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> How do I handle this ? Look, you're not going to be ANYTHING EXCEPT a booty call. You're either interested in that or you're not. Trying to convince yourself it's going to be a REAL RELATIONSHIP with a guy who sexts you from the get-go is DELUDING YOURSELF and wishful thinking! Tell him I've reconsidered will definitely disappoint him and being used like a piece-of-ass ISN'T goint to disappoint YOU?!? and make him think it's over The whole 'you're a transcontinental booty call he can impress with his rich lifestyle while he adds another notch to his headboard' thing? Yeah, that will be SO OVER! Thankfully!.. He has acted so excited about my visit. I'm sure he loves the excitement of the chase (not to mention the opportunity to convince you that you're 'that kind of girl' with the correct incentives (meaning him, his $$$ and his body.) Come up with an excuse the coward's way out for people who are NOT mature enough to handle interpersonal relationships and delay it and see what happens? If he truly wanted to see me.. He could come to me, as well.. Right? Right! And if he DOESN'T contact you to see if you're interested in an honest-to-God DATE in YOUR CITY, then you know he's moved on to easier booty-calls! In which case, you've missed out on NOTHING except the opportunity to beat yourself up for believing his BS.


Phone call:
"Hi, this is lorez. I've been reconsidering this entire 'invitation to the Hamptons' weekend, and it is NOT going to work for me. This is NOT something that I am interested in. I am going to be concentrating on an important project for the next few months and will NOT be available."

Him: "But honestly, we owe it to ourselves to see about this AMAZING CONNECTION we have. I think we could really have something special. I promise there is NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE here! My house is HUGE. You could have an entire wing to yourself."

You: "No, thank you, (his name). This project is really exciting and will be very time-consuming. I'm putting a lot of myself into it and I have no time for casual relationships. Good luck, and I'm sure I'll see you at future industry functions. Goodbye, (his name)."

See? Easy-peasy! ...oh, the "project" you're working on? That would be YOU! Working on your self-esteem, your boundaries, your co-dependency. If he calls anytime in the next 6 months with renewed offers of Hamptons visits....turn them ALL DOWN.

If he calls to take you on a date in your town (of his OWN volition...you are NOT ALLOWED to suggest it to him), give him a date 3-4 weeks out and see if he's still interested. If he IS interested, he will schedule it. If he's just looking for a booty-call to fill an empty weekend, he won't bother making a date in the 1-month or greater timeframe!

Either way, I'd suggest NO DATING for you AT ALL for the next 6 months. You seem to be rushing from bad relationship to bad relationship without stopping to THINK ABOUT what went wrong in any of them and what YOUR PART IS in their demise.

We ALL want better for YOU than that, lorez, and we know YOU want it to! Quiet, productive time ALONE working on yourself is the only way to achieve that.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

If you want real relationship and you are not interested in no strings attached sex why in the world are you sexting and sending half naked pics of yourself to a guy you barely know? Make no mistake if you go he expects sex. You have given him the wrong impression! You've given him every reason to believe he will get it. You can tell him all you want that you are not that "kind" of girl, you're not like that, etc., it won't be the first time he has heard it from a woman who then did what she said she wouldn't. Sure he's calling and texting all the time. He's excited! Its a booty call, a long distance one. You are setting yourself up to be hurt and used again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Phone call:
> "Hi, this is lorez. I've been reconsidering this entire 'invitation to the Hamptons' weekend, and it is NOT going to work for me. This is NOT something that I am interested in. I am going to be concentrating on an important project for the next few months and will NOT be available."
> 
> Him: "But honestly, we owe it to ourselves to see about this AMAZING CONNECTION we have. I think we could really have something special. I promise there is NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE here! My house is HUGE. You could have an entire wing to yourself."
> ...


:iagree:
SlowlyGettingWiser - I'm loving your style!!!


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

lorez9993 said:


> That IS the problem. I want more than just hot sex with no strings attached. And I've told him that and he keeps telling me that there is no pressure.. And he thinks we at least owe it to each other to spend sometime together to see ..
> 
> But I'm afraid as previous posters have said.. That he's just feeding me a line.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_

If he really wants to see you and you really must do this let him come to you. He makes the effort, does the planning, travelling,pays for it and gets a hotel room. If he is willing. Spend time with him but don't sleep with him.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Lorez

From a compassionate perspective, I do completely understand your need for love and affection, attention, to be desired - all those things in a healthy relationship. It's ok to want that even if you're fresh out of a past relationship. 

But it's like looking for an instant emotional band aid that won't really provide you with that love. I've been in situations whereby it's so tempting to go from one frying pan to another (especially when you're shown so much attention), but all the guys here are right, - be strong enough and try to allow life to BE ENOUGH as it is right now - just you - giving yourself care and love. You don't need some flash player to make things worse, because you will end up feeling more hurt, used, and so on. That's your responsibility.

Give yourself the love you seek. Only once you're in a space emotionally and mentally you feel comfortable in, will you be ready to date again. I've made the mistake you could be making here and it just provides another great spoon of heartache. 

Whatever you do, do not tell this man you're worried about him breaking your heart - how on earth can he have this power when you don't even know him? he doesn't deserve to hear that.

Go do something loving for your mind, body and soul, surround yourself with people who love you, embrace your friends and family and most importantly, give yourself time to heal.


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## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Thanks for the great advice here. I really appreciate it. I guess I thought of this man as the kind of guy you talk to.. No matter what stage you are in your life. He's a major catch in comparison to my previous relationship. This guy has it all.. But the problem is I want a relationship...and I told him that. But I recognize we can't make that call until we spend some time together in person. 

He says he does too... And I believe him. But I also believe this weekend in NYC would be about sex first. And that's why I'm scared. I'm afraid to say that because the last time I told him that (gently) he seemed like I had gotten it all wrong..,,

Thanks again for this feedback. 





coffee4me said:


> It's been what? About 2 weeks since you broke up with the loser? In that time you are texting and sending half naked pics of yourself to a man. Then make arrangements to jump on a plane and go stay with him. You think you will weird the new guy out by saying "He will break your heart" Why? Because you know the heart has nothing to do with this situation.
> 
> Go if you want and call it what it is "a rebound booty call" with a man you barely know. Don't delude yourself into thinking this will evolve into a relationship. You will only be hurt again if you do.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

You trust and are ready to give yourself away too quickly, too easily. Put yourself first, protect yourself. You are naive. The wrong men will take advantage of that. This man reeks player. Good looking, has money and game yet you believe he isn't even dating anybody and believe he is looking for a relationship. Maybe he is. Its possible but the way this has played out is not the makings of a new relationship. Anyone can say the right words. Watch their actions. If he is a player and I would bet good money he is, he ain't all that. You don't want him. Nothing but heartache and disappointment. Tighten up your boundaries, make them strong.....for you!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> *A TOTALLY UNREALISTIC expectation!*


It isn't for me but I agree it may be for some. If its TOTALLY UNREALISTIC for you and/or for him then I agree. Don't go.


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## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

So what do I tell him? I have obviously gotten myself in deep and he's already planning dinner reservations etc. He seems extremely excited and I don't want to completely discourage him .. I just don't want a weekend romp.. I want to meet him.. Date him.. And have the potential for a relationship. 

So how do I back out gracefully without losing him all together? 




Shoto1984 said:


> It isn't for me but I agree it may be for some. If its TOTALLY UNREALISTIC for you and/or for him then I agree. Don't go.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

So the problem is he might be watching actions instead of listening to words? 

The old "here's some racy pics and hot sexting talk, but I'm not that kind of girl" routine?

Geez, I'm just a country boy, but I have learned that when actions don't match words I need to be heading the other direction.

Edit: I read the other thread and see there is a pattern here. What you do is be straight with people in the first place. When you start asking for advice in the middle of the pre-engineered crisis then you end up doing something like lying your way out of it.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Edit: I read the other thread and see there is a pattern here. What you do is be straight with people in the first place. When you start asking for advice in the middle of the pre-engineered crisis then you end up doing something like lying your way out of it.[/QUOTE]

:iagree:

So true! 
Now you're getting anxious just contemplating what to tell him. Keep it brief, you can be apologetic but don't ramble on either. If all your communication is by text, then text him with this. 

If he likes you and is still a bit miffed by you blowing him out, it will not deter him from chasing you and securing a date near you, convenient for you. If you hear nothing from him after this - count your lucky stars for that lucky escape! So what he's made reservations? he can cancel them. Not a big deal. He's a grown man.

I am sure you are not the first woman to turn him down - Just because he's "all that" makes no difference.

Would you rather a life/relationship with a man who was kind, decent, loved you and cherished you, wasn't rich but worked hard, kept a home, wanted the best for you? or would you rather be with some rich guy who's clearly been around the block a few times, uses his wealth and charm offensive to attract the ladies (you already know he's had a few).

I wouldn't think about it too much. Do the deed then get on with looking after yourself. Make him chase you!


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I havent read any other threads so just on what you've told us here.... I think this situation is an oppotunity for you to see what kind of character this man has. It seems reasonable to me that if he is a descent person you should be able to have a phone conversation with him where you tell him how much you've enjoyed interacting with him and that you'd like have a chance for both to possible build a relationship together. He'll probably say "well what does that mean" and you tell him that you'd love to see him and spend time together but you'd like to go slow and there not be any expectations or pressure on the physical side. What he does next will tell you alot. He might loose interest or he might jump in and begin making accomidations to make sure your comfortable with the situation. Either way you're learning about him. When you're with him if he's not honoring his part of this then call a cab and leave but maybe he'll be a complete gentlemen. If the later then you have something. In between, and until you have an exclusive monogamous relationship with him, I'd drop the hot pics and sexting.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

The perpetrator of bait-and-switch is not a victim. 

The character of the target is being sabotaged, not tested. He is put in a no-win situation. 

Accept bait-and-switch: fail the poop test. 
Press for the sex so strongly insinuated: painted as a player.


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## lorez9993 (Feb 20, 2013)

Well I have told him repeatedly that I am not out to sleep with him and he has said its okay.. That he isn't going to make it a "bang fest" and wanted me to know that he just wants a long quiet weekend together. I just wonder... Why not offer me a hotel room then ? I suppose I could have insisted on it.... 

I am just going to have to tell him tonight that I can't get out of work after all and maybe we could find another weekend. I have been very upfront with him but I realize my quasi sexting isn't exactly following my words. I got carried away. 



Wiserforit said:


> The perpetrator of bait-and-switch is not a victim.
> 
> The character of the target is being sabotaged, not tested. He is put in a no-win situation.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Remember how you got in trouble in your last relationship. Well, one of the ways you got in trouble... Stop lying! If you want a relationship based on honesty and trust, start with that as your basis. If you feel uncomfortable with the way the relationship is going because you jumped in to fast with the setting, then tell him that. And that's the reason you don't want to meet up right now, or at his place.

On the other hand, if you're thriving on the drama, carry on your path...

C


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

This thread and your previous thread seem to revolve a lot around money...

Your xbf was a successful business man and his x wiped him out financially.

This guy has money and looks, and probably goes through a lot of women just like you who are looking at the shell of a guy and his wallet. 

Pretty common theme here. 

Expect to get used... so run with it and have fun.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I am not sure there is any going back on this one. 

You have been sexting and sending half naked pictures. You have agreed to come see him. While you have said, you aren't that kind of girl, you have shown that you are.

Saying you are busy and now can't go to NYC won't remove that fact that you have shown him that you are that kind of girl. He will says, sure no problem and then a few minutes later he will send you a picture and will be expecting one back. 

You can't change what you have done. My advice is to exit the relationship gracefully and to take your time with the next one behaving a bunch more lady like.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

As a 56yo I will just say this as NICELY as I can....

If you don't have the ovaries to be HONEST with men, then you're not OLD ENOUGH to be DATING men.

"I can't get out of work" is the equivalent of the high school "I have to wash my hair tonight". It's BULLSHYT. It isn't even believable bullshyt.

"I am rethinking this entire situation because I realize that my actions and my intentions DO NOT MATCH UP" is being HONEST and ADULT...two things you should SERIOUSLY CONSIDER being in this and every situation going forward.

my 2 cents


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> I am not sure there is any going back on this one.
> 
> You have been sexting and sending half naked pictures. You have agreed to come see him. While you have said, you aren't that kind of girl, you have shown that you are.
> 
> ...


100% agree! There is no turning this around!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> As a 56yo I will just say this as NICELY as I can....
> 
> If you don't have the ovaries to be HONEST with men, then you're not OLD ENOUGH to be DATING men.
> 
> ...


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

lorez9993 said:


> I am just going to have to tell him tonight that I can't get out of work after all and maybe we could find another weekend.


Just like I said: lie to escape the "crisis" you engineered yourself.

And it is only a "crisis" when it is you who makes such a big deal over sex... like you are losing your virginity or something?

This is a long-distance relationship. So three dates isn't three week-ends. It's more like a year or something. Logically, you have to take advantage of what little face-time you have.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Just like I said: lie to escape the "crisis" you engineered yourself.
> 
> And it is only a "crisis" when it is you who makes such a big deal over sex... like you are losing your virginity or something?
> 
> ...


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

inarut said:


> To some sex is a big deal.


If sex is a big deal you don't do sexting and exchange racy photos.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Wiserforit said:


> If sex is a big deal you don't do sexting and exchange racy photos.


I agree with you. If sex was such a no, no for the OP, then why was she doing what she was doing. 

I get the feeling that she is who she is, but now she is worried this guy will think of her differently. But she already showed him who she is.

It would be nice if she wasn't out a relationship so recently. But I see nothing wrong with having a relationship like the OP describes. No problem with meeting someone, getting flirty, escalating to some sexting and provocative pictures, eventually meeting, going out and having a good time and having sex. Seems like something many adults would do. Much better than meeting someone in a bar and having sex with them that night.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> she already showed him who she is.
> 
> No problem with meeting someone, getting flirty, escalating to some sexting and provocative pictures, eventually meeting, going out and having a good time and having sex. Seems like something many adults would do.


Exactly.


And playing the bait and switch is also showing someone who you are.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> If sex is a big deal you don't do sexting and exchange racy photos.



_Posted via Mobile Device_

True. I agree.
I thought you were saying that she shouldn't be making a big deal about.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

inarut said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> True. I agree.
> I thought you were saying that she shouldn't be making a big deal about.


Thanks. Many of us are on the same page.

There is a personality type that manufactures these crises because they live for drama.


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