# Wife and Lies destroying our marriage



## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

Well I want to thanks to all for reading in advance. I have been looking for a while where to get some advice. Married a year now 
and we have a great marriage I think except when it comes to her past and her friends. When we first got together I had a party and she invited her friends over and she got drunk and tried to kiss her bf. Turns out later that her bf is gay.. Then at her bday party her other friend was telling me she kissed her first and grabbing on her titties. party was in the basement and there is 4 floors in the house. so i went looking for my wife she was in the 4th flr bathroom. ok so i went in there with her and we were talking and here comes the friend that was taunting me all night banging on the door. i told her give us a minute she kept banging then says let me watch. i completely lost my temper and kicked everybody out. so now i'm like they are all sleeping with each other. 98% of her friends are gay or bi. since all this it has been so many problems with them that girl hates me as much as i hate her. the other 2 try to be phony and be cool with me but i'm not stupid. so after we get married i 
plant a seed about a 3some. Now i would never go through with it because i am very very old school when it comes to my marriage. she asks if she can mess with girls by herself. we get in a huge fight and that was the end of that. Come to find out by my own investigating and something i'm not proud to have done to find out the truth (but had to know to many clues and blatant lies. She has been with females and had a 3some with 2 of the girls before. now if i tell her how i found out my marriage is over and if something don't work out our marriage is gonna end up being over because this is ruining me as a person.. never thought you could be mentally abused like this. she told me they aren't going anywhere these are her friends and they love each other as friends.. now her gay friends want her to go to gay clubs for there birthday and eveerything is girls only. but they all have there other person which is someone female dressing and acting like there a man but there not.. theres alot more to but gotta hit enter before she walk in on me... thanks reading and giving me some advice in advance....


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Honestly it does not sound good for you. Her friends are toxic to your marriage and It does not sound like she really cares all that much how you feel. 

You could check her phone and email and see what she is writing back and forth to them but it sounds like you already know most of it. If she is pushing you for her to have access to other people she will probably just do it behind your back. 

If you do confront her you better be ready to divorce. Most people that do this there spouse ends up calling there bluff and just continues with there affairs. 

You might want to start 180 with her. See if you can pull her back in your direction and maybe she will take your marriage seriously and make the changes that need to be made in order to get it back on a healthy course. 

Clay


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Justme,

You might want to reword that for clarity. I get that your wife is having sex with other women, but beyond that most of your post is very difficult to understand.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Justme,
I feel very sorry for you. I can't see how this is going to end well.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

So why would she marry a guy anyway?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Your wife is not bi-sexual. She is a lesbian. Get out of the marriage.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> Honestly it does not sound good for you. Her friends are toxic to your marriage and It does not sound like she really cares all that much how you feel.
> 
> You could check her phone and email and see what she is writing back and forth to them but it sounds like you already know most of it. If she is pushing you for her to have access to other people she will probably just do it behind your back.
> 
> ...


It takes 3-6 months until you've built up enough momentum and strength after a 180, so I wouldn't be trying to welcome her back in after several weeks of it.


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

well i don't think she has done anything since being married but its a constant problem. i did find out all this with them happened before me but she denies even being with a female before. but since she is lying about it and a 2yr old can she these hoes are in love with her. are do i trust her around them if she has done something with them before and them hoes all they do is play grabing each other and the things they say is crazy. its ruiing my life.


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

she doesnt text anything cause she and them know i will look in her phone. its all about what they talk about on the phone..


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

It sounds like you didn't know your wife very well before you married her. It looks like she wants to live a singles' party lifestyle. She's come right out and asked you if she can have sex with her girlfriend, which is a request for an open marriage. And why did you suggest a threesome? 

It's going to come down to you, very firmly, telling her what you'll tolerate and what you won't. And it's not going to go over well with her. She wants to party.

There's a lot of work ahead of you in fixing your marriage. I'm thinking you're going to end up filing for divorce. That might shake her up enough to change her behavior. But I'm not optimistic. I'm glad you don't have children. (you don't have children, right?)


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

she a a child. we have none together.. i said 3some to try and play games and get the truth from her. i was on pure bull****.. 
its like she is trying but to get away but those miserable ass friends just end up calling and sucking her back in.. at one point there was about 2 months no contact then they start with i miss you, i miss my friend so much.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How old are you, justme?


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Geesus. Tell her to pack her **** and go live with her gay friends. Tell her you're done, and get the divorce papers served to her. Then, move on with your life and find a woman that wants to be a wife to *you* and not a party animal wallowing in clubs with her bisexual girlfriends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Why did you marry her?

You sound really young. This relationship is a drama filled joke. I you actually thinking she's gonna change?

Stop dreaming. I would end it, 180 and move on with your life.


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## bild-a-loco (Jan 22, 2014)

End it before it goes any farther. Sounds like neither of you were ready for marriage, I'd just file the papers and move on. And please, get some continuing education classes, so much poor grammar here and bad spelling it's often hard to tell what's going on. 

End it and move on. Good luck.


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## Escaflowne (Jan 27, 2014)

I'm also curious how old you are. This sounds like a very young relationship.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

How is *she* mentally abusing you? Sounds to me like you're doing it to yourself. 

I agree that she sounds like a lesbian or bi, who has not come out fully. Can you accept that as part of your lifestyle, and if not, get ready emotionally and financially for a divorce, because she's NOT going to be what you want her to be. She might fake it for a while, but eventually she is going to feel stifled and resentful if she does this. You cannot have it both ways.


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

35... the thing is i found this out and she denies being with any females ever.. also found out that she has slept with her crew as she calls them or i'm at least sure about 2 of the 3 and she don't get why i hate them and dont ever want to be around them.. her her tell her friends that she will never admit the truth.. how do you have a marriage if i cant be around her friends this just sucks.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

35? And your in a lifestyle where someone has a "crew"? Really?

Okay. Time to mature about 10 years over night.

Try and look at your wife with no rose colored glasses on. Look at the WHOLE picture and don't say things like "If she would only stop xyz, things would be perfect". She's not going to stop. It's who she is. Either you can accept it and embrace it or you can't.

If you can't (my sense is this is the case) move on and find someone 100% right for you, not 75%.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

justme11221122 said:


> how do you have a marriage if i cant be around her friends this just sucks.


 What marriage? Friend this isn't a marriage, well maybe to you but to her it's just a security.

Honestly, you had to know about her friends before you married her because I doubt she could have hidden all this from you.

What you have is a wife who first of all, can't hold her alcohol and doesn't put her husband as her top priority.

Second. She's showing you no respect and in her way telling you to suck it up and deal with it.

Third. Your allowing it. One person doesn't make a marriage, it takes two and if it was me, I would let her know that this isn't happening any longer and if she can't deal with your wishes, then tell her to pack up and move on. 

Your fighting a up hill battle with her and she isn't willing to make any changes so where's the marriage. It's you against the whole lot of them and that is a no win situation.

File for divorce and hand her the papers. let he know that your not putting up with it any more and she's free to be the good time girl and can get drunk and get into a titty pulling contest with her friends until her tits fall off. 

IMO, it's gone past compromise and not worth any more hurt on your part.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

At that age, she's not going to change who she is or what she does (like lying). All you can do is accept it or tell her if she won't tell you the truth, you're going to have to move on.


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

The same thing I say this is not a marriage.. She has ruined my life and my dumb ass actually thought she could change my fault.
we spend 99% of our time together and I guess its just hard to pull that trigger like I want to so bad.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you had known BEFORE you married her that she was bi-sexual or a lesbian, would you still have asked her to marry you? NO!

So, why is it so 'hard to pull that trigger'? You were lied to/conned/misled about whom you were marrying. 

Since it's obvious that her friends are NO FRIENDS of your marriage, she has a choice to make: you or her friends. You KNOW whom she's going to pick. So, the only question now is who's packing and physically moving out; you or her?

.


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

oh i'm not moving anywhere this is my house!!!!
she won't admit ****.. she thinks as long as she denies everything
everything will be fine.. i kinda need her to admit it so i can get our marriage annulled instead of divorce. nevada has no time length on getting a marriage annulled for lying about your sexuality.


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

also its crazy cause if they weren't in her life our relationship would be fine cause those are the only people she acts this way with. she gets around them and acts like someone i don't know. she did a good job of not being around them our whole relationship before we got married only 2 or 3 times since the initial incidents. i ****ed up should have known that sooner or later that they would not be to far away and try to weasle there nothing asses back in


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

justme11221122 said:


> now if i tell her how i found out my marriage is over


Stop and think about this for just a second...you snooping is a deal breaker for you wife, but her having sex with other women isn't the deal breaker? That is severely messed up thinking, OP. It's you W that is is killing the marriage, not your verifying what your gut was telling you...


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## justme11221122 (Jan 26, 2014)

so your saying i'm killing the marriage?? how about our marriage is built on nothing but lies. or the fact that she continues to deny everything? or the fact that she wants me to be friends with people she has slept with.. what do you think about she always wants the same girl to spend the night because she old as hell and to scared to drive after dark, but will drive at night any other time but when she comes to our house. makes no sense to me. we were gonna have a child and her friend says oh no u can't do that to our baby as if it was theres together or she always says my (wife name) likes shes her's. all this makes no sense to me


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

justme11221122 said:


> she a a child. we have none together.


 She is gay, but married you to be the provider/father for her child. Are you OK with that?

Except when you are in the bathroom, their should be no expectation of privacy in a healthy marriage. Additionally, it is OK to snoop to protect your marraige, thus stop being afraid of telling her that you snooped and learned that she as been lying about her past sexual relationship with her friends. This makes them ex-lovers and it is normal for couples to have boundaries about keeping ex-lovers as friends.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just move on. This is a convenience, not a marriage.


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