# Rejected by husband at every turn



## Newwife10242014 (Jan 3, 2015)

I was married two months ago. I love my husband very much and we have a really close friendship. But I'm starting to think that's all we have.
In the past year and a half we have made love a grand total of twice. He rejects me every time I try to initiate intimacy with some excuse or another. Even on our wedding night. There we were in a super romantic suite at the beach and I was in the jacuzzi alone as he snored away. The super sexy nightie I bought to wear for him still has the tags on it.
The complete lack of sex isn't even the worst of it....although it is extremely frustrating. He also refuses any show of affection. If he kisses me it's only a peck like you grandfather would give you. No big romantic kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve for me. If I try to cuddle up to him on our couch he moves away. Our pets get 100 times the affection he shows me.
I love my husband and I want our marriage to work but I'm not sure if I can live the rest of my life without any affection.
Does anyone have any suggestions?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Was your husband like this before you married him? Were you the one initiating sex or intimacy and not him? Or has this changed since you got married? is he into porn?

I have been with my husband for 25 years and I was the initiator, not him. I was rejected by him sexually. I did the sexy garments and it didn't spark his interest. If we were out and I was wearing something reveling he'd tell me to cover up. I was wearing it for him. We went to hotels, he'd sleep. We did not have sex on our wedding night, no honeymoon.

My husband was a porn addict and learned early on that porn and satisfying himself with fantasy was safe, real relationships were not. I thought marriage would make him comfortable, it did not. I thought counseling to get rid of the porn addiction would help. He claims he has been porn free for many years but it did not change his ability to come to me.

I tried everything and nothing worked. After 25 years we now sleep in separate beds and have for the past 2 years. We have a sexless marriage, I finally gave up.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why did you marry him? Seriously.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Newwife10242014 said:


> I was married two months ago. I love my husband very much and we have a really close friendship. But I'm starting to think that's all we have.
> In the past year and a half we have made love a grand total of twice. He rejects me every time I try to initiate intimacy with some excuse or another. Even on our wedding night. There we were in a super romantic suite at the beach and I was in the jacuzzi alone as he snored away. The super sexy nightie I bought to wear for him still has the tags on it.
> The complete lack of sex isn't even the worst of it....although it is extremely frustrating. He also refuses any show of affection. If he kisses me it's only a peck like you grandfather would give you. No big romantic kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve for me. If I try to cuddle up to him on our couch he moves away. Our pets get 100 times the affection he shows me.
> I love my husband and I want our marriage to work but I'm not sure if I can live the rest of my life without any affection.
> Does anyone have any suggestions?


Is he gay and the marriage is just a front?


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## Newwife10242014 (Jan 3, 2015)

We used to have a very active, passionate sex life. His current job takes him away often and when he gets home he's exhausted....it can understand that to a point.
I almost wish he were a porn addict or gay but I really don't think that's it. It's more like he has completely lost interest in sex altogether.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Looks like you knew about this for 14 months before marriage.
You should have not gotten through with it.
You should get an annullment or a divorce.
This is not normal for a newly married male. There is something seriously wrong with him.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Newwife10242014 said:


> We used to have a very active, passionate sex life. His current job takes him away often and when he gets home he's exhausted....it can understand that to a point.
> I almost wish he were a porn addict or gay but I really don't think that's it. It's more like he has completely lost interest in sex altogether.


When you married him you guys had only had sex twice in the last 16 months. Did that not tell you what the routine would be if you married? So what were the other motivators for the marriage? The way you've explained has to be missing a lot of pieces. So why marry?


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Something is seriously wrong here.

Has he seen a doctor?

How much have you discussed the situation with him?

How old is he?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Annullment.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

Newwife10242014 said:


> In the past year and a half we have made love a grand total of twice. *He rejects me every time I try to initiate intimacy with some excuse or another. Even on our wedding night.* ... *He also refuses any show of affection.* If he kisses me it's only a peck like you grandfather would give you. ... *If I try to cuddle up to him on our couch he moves away.* Our pets get 100 times the affection he shows me. ... We used to have a very active, passionate sex life. His current job takes him away often and when he gets home he's exhausted....*It's more like he has completely lost interest in sex altogether.*


Let's see. He wasn't interested in intimacy BEFORE you married (you've been married two months, and with him at minimum 14 months before that). I don't call twice in a year "a very active, passionate sex life." And the other posters are right — this is NOT normal for a newly-married man. 

Unless he's asexual (which is VERY rare and untreatable), he's gay/a porn addict/getting this need met somewhere else. You said he travels often for work. Do you know what he's doing when you're not there? You said you don't _think_ he's a porn addict or gay. But do you know for sure?

Have you discussed this with him? If so, what has he said?

You're right; you DON'T want to live like this. As his wife, you have every right to love and intimacy from him; that's part of the marriage vows. For some reason, he doesn't want to give that to you. You need to figure out what the deal is, and proceed accordingly.

Sorry you're here.


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## TonyCheshire (Dec 27, 2014)

Come on NewWife we need more info to try and help ... are you able to answer the 3 questions from tryingtobebetter?

Assuming he is not a porn addict, gay, got a mistress, doesnt hate you etc, then surely your husband is not getting erections??

When a man gets an erection he wants to do something with it! ha ... a natural reaction to a healthy body?

When you go out, do you dress sexy? Does that get him going at all? Maybe even when he sees other men looking at you?

Maybe you might try not approaching him (as it's doing no good anyway) but try your best to turn him on 'from a distance'?

Apologies if this is not you (?) but maybe wear no panties when you are on yuor knees doing some task? Got the idea?

If a man is not turned on / has an erection first then to be all over his wife kissing and hugging feels a bit mmm cant think ... passionless and lacking in lust.

Okay an erection might soon follow with most men, but - for me - if good sex is the intention then I kind of have to know I'm in the mood by being aroused.

Its just like with the animals ... the stag lives with the hinds all year but at certain times when he is 'well up for it' he is prepared to fight and even give his life!

Im sure I'll get shouted down by the ladies for some of what I've said above?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

How long have yall been together ?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

First, assuming you want a somewhat normal marriage, do not have children until you work this out. It certainly had the capacity to mess up your self-image and happiness so I am not clear what you are getting out of this marriage. You two need to go to therapy immediately. If he is in fact gay, that obviously creates problems. 

If he does not find you attractive (and that is not likely to be what's going on), you mind as well find out now, then after $50,000 worth of psychotherapy. For the normal guy, there is a range from 5 times a week desired to 1 every 2 weeks, but he is out of even the lower part.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I am just taking a wild guess here but wonder if he fell out of love with you before marriage and just didn't know how to back out of it. Now he feels resentment toward you and his life. 

What were the circumstances of getting married? Long term engagement or did you force his hand? Did either of you think getting married would fix your problems?


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Well, there is definitely an issue. Like others I wonder if it is depression or he is gay.

There is a valid question about why y'all got married. Even if you forced his hand into marriage-and I am not saying you did-, I would think you still would have had sex on your honeymoon.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Not adding up.


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## peskipixy (Jan 3, 2015)

Newwife, I am sorry you find yourself in such a position.

I read your posts and you said that before the marriage you had a very passionate and active sex life. You also point out that his work takes him away from home for certain periods of time and when he gets home, he's exhausted. Now, I'm going to ask some questions to clear a few things up:

1 - Did his career change after you got married or is it still the same as before?

2 - When did you first notice that your sex life was beginning to ebb? Did it happen before you got married or only after?

And finally, the horrible question no woman wants to be asked:

3 - Is it possible that when he's away on his job he's not only working but "working" with another woman?

It's certainly possible that he has issues related to sex AND marriage together, yet most men will jump on their wives when they come home after being away. This is why a lot of us on here are asking the question about the possibility of the "Other Woman" aka OW. You need to talk about this with him or, for that matter, talk to both your parents. I know, it's not something everyone is comfortable talking about, especially to in-laws as it can be a very sensitive subject, but you need to ambush him if that's what it takes to tell him how you feel and lay it all out there. You deserve to be heard and have a right to your feelings. Do it in your sexy nightie if need be! Tell him you're wearing it because it deserves to be worn at least once and that you don't expect him to do anything except talk, you just wanted to show it to him because you thought he would like it. Meanwhile, wear your nightie and be proud.


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

All I can say is...WOW! A man who won't have sex with his wife 1) has very low testosterone, or 2) is homosexual, or 3) masturbating a lot / cheating on her. I suggest first he get a blood draw to check his hormone levels. A low T man won't have any interest in sex....been there myself.
I mostly initiate with my wife and love when she occasionally initiates.


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## jameil_87 (Jan 4, 2015)

Newwife10242014 said:


> I was married two months ago. I love my husband very much and we have a really close friendship. But I'm starting to think that's all we have.
> In the past year and a half we have made love a grand total of twice. He rejects me every time I try to initiate intimacy with some excuse or another. Even on our wedding night. There we were in a super romantic suite at the beach and I was in the jacuzzi alone as he snored away. The super sexy nightie I bought to wear for him still has the tags on it.
> The complete lack of sex isn't even the worst of it....although it is extremely frustrating. He also refuses any show of affection. If he kisses me it's only a peck like you grandfather would give you. No big romantic kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve for me. If I try to cuddle up to him on our couch he moves away. Our pets get 100 times the affection he shows me.
> I love my husband and I want our marriage to work but I'm not sure if I can live the rest of my life without any affection.
> Does anyone have any suggestions?


I know that sometimes a relationship can be great before the marriage, but people can change suddenlh after they are marred. That happened to me and I am in an unhappy marriage as a result.

It sounds like your issues started before the marriage. Sex two times in the last year when you have only been married two months raises a huge red flag. No sex on your wedding night, no affection whatsoever. He shows more affection to the dogs than to you. It sounds like he either has a medical condition which could cause testosterone problems/low libido or he is just not interested in being married or having a sexual relationship with ou.

Either way you should have a serious talk to with and get tot he bottom of it and make a decision. If he needs professional help, he should seek it with your support. It if is something else, it needs to be addressed. If he is simply an asexual individual who does not crave intimacy or desire it, he should have told you that before you got married and the two of you need to go your separate ways.


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