# I have higher sex drive than my husband does



## keiyayo (Jul 13, 2014)

I'm 26year old and my husband is 35. We have been married for 2years and have two kids. We dated for 1 year before marriage. 
I always had high sex drive. But now it's hurting me because my husband's sex drive doesn't match mine. I had same problems with my ex boy friends. They all started great, and then, the frequency goes down. Our sex before marriage was more than perfect. But after we got married, he opened his own business that requires lots of physical labor. On top of that, his back pain got worse. He takes pain medicines daily. So no wonder why his sex drive have been dropped. 
I'm still young and in shape. I have no doubt that my husband loves me and doesn't have any other sexual activity going on. 
So i'm just trying to be patient and understanding. I masturbate to let my sex drive out. But it doesnt do any good. It seems like it's getting worse. Now im almost at the point to be depressed. We have sex about once a week to ten days. And i can't even fully satisfied each time. It's rather like routine. No excitement. This is just not enough for me. But i'm afraid to initiate because he is always too busy, exhausted and under back pain all the time. I considered to talk to him about this issue but don't know how. I dont want him to feel pressure about it or make him feel like it is duty. I've tried wearing sexy clothes and even tried not wearing pants at home saying " it's too hot today". Not working. 
I can feel that im getting depressed and even upset about this situation. I want to even deny him to make him wants me stronger and to show that im not always available whenever he wants sex. But i fail always of course. 
I'm also busy and tired all the time. But it doesn't seems like it affects on my sex drive. Should i try not to think about sex or should i just somehow satisfy myself with porn or something? 
Should i tell my husband? But how? Should i refuse him for awhile?
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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

It seems like his business and back pain are draining all his energy. And back pain everyday seems horrible, he might want to get that checked as taking medicine everyday for the pain might have side effects. Some pain meds actually affect your stomach so long term intake can be very bad.

IMO, you guys need to fix this before fixing the sex life, since it's obviously the root cause of the decline of sex.

I've heard that yoga or pilates can help, thought if what your husband does is too much for his body then can he find something else to do?
Also, what was he doing before business? Can he find something else that is not too physically demanding (at leadt not to the point of hurting his back or leave him all tired)? Is his income the only source of support for the family? If so then maybe he can find something else while you also work at least part time?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

yes back pain is a problem. Chiropractor? Accupuncture? Anti inflammation stuff, like Curcumin pills?

What ever you do do, make sure it is with your husbands approval. There are cybersex things you could do to improve the kinkiness of your masturbation exercises. Things you can do on cam or in text with other men or women that would be very sexy/kinky, and get you over the edge. there are tons of porn sites that can give you visual stimulation too, and even errotic literature sites. Maybe that combined with the times he can have sex with you will be enough.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

He is most likely just not as sexual as you are. But if you really haven't talked to him about it, you do need to.

How? "Honey...we need to talk. I'm not getting as much sex and intimacy as I desire. I'm not sure why, it was different when we were dating so I thought that's how our sex life would be. Can we talk about what changed and what we can do to have more sex?"

Adults have to be able to talk about sex in an adult manner, so it is on you to bring this up and start working through it with him.


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## keiyayo (Jul 13, 2014)

I totally agree on what you said. Fixing sex life is not priority. But we tried and trying everything to help his back pain. Im taking care of kids and helping his business. Im pretty sure we are both doing our best in the situation. 



lilith23 said:


> It seems like his business and back pain are draining all his energy. And back pain everyday seems horrible, he might want to get that checked as taking medicine everyday for the pain might have side effects. Some pain meds actually affect your stomach so long term intake can be very bad.
> 
> IMO, you guys need to fix this before fixing the sex life, since it's obviously the root cause of the decline of sex.
> 
> ...


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I have a herniated spinal disc. Its agony during a flare up.

However daily core strengthening exercise and stretching keep me from being in agony 24/7. Visiting a biokineticist to build an exercise program would be a good first step.

Pilates/swimming along with yoga would be excellent.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Please do not try murphy5's suggestion of involving other people in your sex life. Even virtually. 

C
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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

Try controlling his orgasms. If he doesn't release every time, he might want sex more often.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

CarlaRose said:


> Try controlling his orgasms. If he doesn't release every time, he might want sex more often.


what.....controling his orgasms?

open honest comunication would be my advise.

hey honey I know your back is hurting and your busy with the business but I need some sex. If you can't because of your back maybe some oral and fingers even ad a toy to the mix and I will return the favor. you big hunk of a stud!

If he refuses to try then you have a tough choice to make is it or isn't it a deal breaker. theres no right or wrong answer to that its up to each and everyone to decide what in their best interests for a happy life.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I would just add one question;

are the pain pills narcotic, like vicodine, or norco, or are they over the counter advil, et.

narcotics can really affect sex drive and performance.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

lilith23 said:


> It seems like his business and back pain are draining all his energy. And back pain everyday seems horrible, he might want to get that checked as taking medicine everyday for the pain might have side effects. Some pain meds actually affect your stomach so long term intake can be very bad.
> 
> IMO, you guys need to fix this before fixing the sex life, since it's obviously the root cause of the decline of sex.
> 
> ...


I think you're on the mark here with fixing the back pain. It may not make his sex drive return to what the OP desires, but I'm willing to bet sex will increase.

Besides, if he's 35 and having back pain now, it's only going to get worse as he ages so it's really in everyone's best interest to fix the back issues now.


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## almetcalf (Jul 16, 2014)

What garbage replies! Back pain, blah! He just has a lower sex drive. I don't care if my back was hurting or not I would have sex. His back pain isn't so bad that he doesn't go to work (which she says is physically demanding) so why claim it affects his sex drive! What nonsense. Sorry to say this has all the signs of a typical marriage with unequal sex drives. She dresses up, she tries to act sexy, she does this, she does that, but he does nada. That is how it always turns out. The higher drive person tries all kinds of things to try and get the lower drive more sexual but the lower drive person never responds. Why? Because it is natural for them to not be that interested in sex. To them you are the one with the problem, not them. They will never understand your frustration. It just does not compute for them. They will never think to get help, they will never try to change, they will never try to become more sexual. EVER! Not unless an outside force (spouse) coerces them. And even then the outcome is pretty dismal. Sorry, but it is about as hard to change someones sex drive as it is to change their height. I know from experience And if you think once every week or 10 days is bad just wait a couple of years. I am lucky if it is once a month! The frustration reaches a point where you will not even want it with him and you will come to hate him for it. If you want this marriage to work out you need to seek counseling now! Not when it gets worse.


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