# I feel like my husband doesn't care about me...



## pleasehelpconfused (Jun 18, 2014)

So, I've had the same discussion with my husband...over and over again, about how he makes me feel like I don't matter and that I feel unloved or that pretty much anything that I say he ignores. He either yells at me and says that I'm being a b**** or a c*** or tells me that he'll work on it, which never happens. Last night, he told me that he'd work on it. Today, as soon as we woke up, he was back to pretty much ignoring me and anytime I asked for his help with something he gave me an attitude and didn't help anyways. He tells me that because he works, he shouldn't have to help me with anything else. We have a 9 month old and a 6 year old, the 6 year old is more of a help than him. Anyways, back to the main point, anytime he needs to vent, I always listen. Anytime, he's doing something and looks like he needs help, I don't even ask, I just help. Anytime it's a holiday with significance to him I do something special for him. Anytime he seems upset, I'm genuinely concerned and I try to make him smile. He does none of these things for me...when I seem overwhelmed and stressed...he picks at me...when I need help and ask...he comes up with some excuse as to why he won't help. When there's a holiday with significance to me, he picks a fight with me and leaves...(this past Mother's Day, he spent time with his best friend instead of me?). Whenever I seem upset or I cry, he gets mad at me or looks at me in disgust. I love him, with all my heart, but...I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me? He says it to me all the time, but he never shows it. I feel like he says it out of habit. I don't know what to do. Advice? Help? Anything?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

He's not very nice to you. I know that feeling.... it's sort of how my ex was. It doesn't ever get better. 

My advice.... get your sh*t together.

Find a job making enough to support you and the kids. 

Quit being nice to your H. It doesn't mean for you to be mean.... just quit doing nice things for him. 

Turn your focus onto yourself. YOU are the one you can count on. 

Realize this.... you cannot change him. You can only change YOU. So make it to where you don't "need" him, you may find out that you don't even want him if he's going to keep on treating you this way. 

Forget him for now.... work on you.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I agree with Sunny...but Sunny was much nicer than I was about to be. 

I will simply add that if any man ever called me those names, I would have one foot out the door. Sorry, but that is a deal breaker for me. Add the other stuff, and well... work on you and forget him for now.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Just two questions.

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Have you suggested marriage counseling to him?


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## grisha (Oct 24, 2011)

I am having similar issues with my husband. Mine doesn't call me names though. Are you sure you love him? Perhaps it is only a habit? I used to think I loved mine, but I don't think so any more. Realizing that got me one step closer to leaving. It is just hard to see how it is possible to love someone you are describing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

1) The insults are abusive and childish and if you want to continue a relationship with a person who verbally abuses you, you will need to research methods to deal with verbal abuse.

2) I believe when he looks at you in anger or disgust for your displays of emotion it's because he sees you as weak and possibly manipulative. I've seen that reaction in people before; they believe the emotional person is either overreacting or forcing the emotion in order to garner sympathy. Either way, they do not respect the person for it. My suggestion is to stop crying and expecting him to care, he won't, and it will just make your situation worse.

3) Your partner does not believe that any effort is required to maintain a relationship. You putting all the effort in will not teach him to make the effort, it will simply allow him to continue making no effort. Just as if you always picked up the toys for your children, constantly complained at them that they never picked them up, but always did it for them anyway. What will the result be? They will hear your complaints but will never learn to pick up the toys because you always do it.

I think you need to either move on from this relationship or find some compromise. He doesn't want a relationship where you are always loving, affectionate and considerate of each other. This is however very important to you. You have stated this to him but he refuses to work on this, therefore, instead of beating your head against a brick wall, adapt. Do you really need for him to spend Mother's Day with you? No. Do you really need to make Father's Day special for him? No. Maybe it's time you stopped expecting all the changes to be on his end and started accepting your reality.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

The day my husband calls me the C word is the day our marriage is over. That is a hard line in the sand for me.

Your husband sees you as less than and a burden.

What's your outlook for the future if you left him tomorrow? Education? Vocation? Friends? Family? Hobbies and interests?

180 him.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Stop being a carpet for your husband to walk all over. Stand up for yourself. Get angry, grow some backbone. If this lead to divorce so be it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The c word as denigration outside of bed?

Divorce
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lotgirl (May 23, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> He's not very nice to you. I know that feeling.... it's sort of how my ex was. It doesn't ever get better.
> 
> My advice.... get your sh*t together.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree: I am going exactly through this with my own H. I am talking to a lawyer about divorce. After awhile it will eventually take it's toll on you. It has on me and I am just tired of all the crap.

SunnyT is right it doesn't get any better.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I know you think he loves you, and you him. Perhaps you love who he used to pretend to be? And who you hope is hiding in there. But really this awful mean nasty man is him. He's showing you all the time, and you don't want to believe it because you have invested so much. 

How will you feel in 30 years when nothing's changed? He needs a massive wake up call. Get some individual counseling. Start taking care of you and move towards being totally self sufficient. Stop investing so much in him. At first he will get angrier, then he mayrealise what an ass he's been. However you will have the upper hand and can decide what you want once you are fully equipped.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> The day my husband calls me the C word is the day our marriage is over. That is a hard line in the sand for me.


Wow. I'm shocked it took 5 hours for someone to call him out on the C word comment. I don't know many women that would not consider THAT a deal breaker. I'm a guy and would NEVER consider using that word about or directly to my wife. Glad to see others have brought it up since then.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Are you having sex with him?
If yes, then stop.
If no, then start.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It's easy to say "leave him"..... it can be harder to do that. It's not impossible tho. 

OP sounds like she NEEDS him....or thinks she does. Btdt. I couldn't figure out HOW to leave w/ 5 little kids. No matter how I did the math, even figuring food stamps and other gov't aid, I couldn't afford it. So I did get my sh*t together. 

I went to college. I found my own worth. I found my own validation. See? Then you don't NEED him for that...even tho he sucked at it anyway (good ol' hindsight). I went to marriage counseling even tho he refused to go. After 22 years, I was ready. I had given myself one year, to plan and figure out HOW to leave. 6 months into it.... he left. I still (10 years later) find that funny.... HE left. I can only think that he knew I didn't need him anymore (and hadn't for years by that time). And it was the best thing he EVER did for me! It forced me to just do it. I was ok with ME by then, and he couldn't hurt me anymore by that point. 

I am pretty proud of myself for rising to the occasion! 

My point is... you may have to figure out HOW to find yourself, your self-worth. You have to figure out how not to need him. And I hope it won't take you 23 years! 

And really, the whole point is not just to leave him. The real point is to not NEED him, to not SERVE him. To be ok with who you are... to recognize your value. Your value isn't about how much you GIVE to him..... it's how you believe in yourself. Everything else is just gravy!


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> Wow. I'm shocked it took 5 hours for someone to call him out on the C word comment.


Um... Pretty sure I said something within 15 minutes. A man calls me either of those names, and I'd be on my way out. No one has the right to name call, and no one deserves to take it. All the other stuff is bad enough, but that by itself shows a lack of respect I would not be able to recover from.


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## shopgirl162 (Jun 19, 2014)

Breeze has hit it ! I've been going through similar, thou no name calling, other than I've told him he's heartless. It's been 23 verrrry long yrs ! Headin to the big D...


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