# Unwanted Touching



## whatamiwaitingfor (Sep 27, 2013)

Have not filed for divorce YET, but am going to.
Husband still will not stop grabbing my butt and putting his arm around me, etc. Mostly the butt grabbing that makes me angry. I have been telling him for weeks to stop touching me, but he won't.
I wish I could kick him out, but legally,I know I can't. I don't want to end up doing something stupid next time he grabs me though.
Any advice?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My first thought is. "Why are you with him if you do want him to touch you?" His actions seem " normal" for a husband and wife. 

My second thought is that you should talk to a lawyer. If he was touching a stranger like that, it would be assault (potentially). You might be able to legally document to your husband that any contact is unwanted, and grounds for a restraining order, which may get him removed from the house. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JinnyBo (Nov 2, 2014)

I don't want a divorce, but I do want my husband to stop touching me when it's not wanted. I wonder why this topic is not discussed more, I've been searching and have not found much. This is what I know:

My husband also does not listen to me when I tell him I don't want to be touched in a certain way, OR that I want to be asked, every time, to be touched. At least an eye contact, something nonverbal is fine, but no, he touches me, however he wants to whenever he does. I've tried yelling and getting mad. it's not working and I feel like a bully, while being bullied, very confusing. He's also good at being the victim and pretending he's done nothing wrong, or out of compliance giving a weak apology and then doing the same thing again an hour later! 

I feel like he thinks he has a licence to touch me because he has "needs" and because we are married. I do too, to be respected. I do NOT think that marriage should be someone else's needs above your own. I know a lot of people think that, I have for a long time, but I now think it's crazy,because it takes from me something inside and it hurts!! And because I now know that if I give against my will, I'm a slave, a slave to the other persons need no less. 

Arg! Tired, frustrated, confused and upset.

Any advise on how to confront him and protect myself?


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Exactly how and what is he doing? Need more specific details to be able to help.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

The day that my husband stops touching and groping me is the day I start worrying. My husband touching me tells me that he is still into to me, attracted to me and still wants me.

How sad that you can't see it that way.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Is your husband sexually frustrated?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Obviously you don't like the language of love he is...you should read the 5 languages of love....you husband obviously loves you and touch is important to him and i am guessing it has always been important to him....why did you marry him in the first place if that is not want you expected......oh wait zombie thread...ughhhh


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

if you resent his touching, then perhaps you shouldn't be living with him. Either that, or you're in dire need of some counseling of your very own!


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Groping and touching are two separate entities. If someone's love language is touch, that's fine, but to only go for sexual areas of my body, I'd feel like I was nothing more than a piece of a$$ too. 

Yes, men are physical, I get that, speaking stereotypically, but women are emotional and where men need physical contact, women need emotional contact before they can feel physical. 

For a husband to insist on touching sexually without giving his wife an emotional connection, is just as wrong as a woman holding out sexually and in some ways a form of assault, if it is constant and not wanted.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I can only assume that a loving husband would supply the needed emotional accoutrements to his wife without actively rushing into self-serving lunch and wantonly grabbing at her body.

To do so would be tantamount to total disrespect and being right up there with an act of assault!


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## Jennafer (Jan 7, 2016)

JinnyBo said:


> I don't want a divorce, but I do want my husband to stop touching me when it's not wanted. I wonder why this topic is not discussed more, I've been searching and have not found much. This is what I know:
> 
> My husband also does not listen to me when I tell him I don't want to be touched in a certain way, OR that I want to be asked, every time, to be touched. At least an eye contact, something nonverbal is fine, but no, he touches me, however he wants to whenever he does. I've tried yelling and getting mad. it's not working and I feel like a bully, while being bullied, very confusing. He's also good at being the victim and pretending he's done nothing wrong, or out of compliance giving a weak apology and then doing the same thing again an hour later!
> 
> ...



I feel exactly the same way. And your description is exactly what my husband would do. 

I've learned my husband does (did) feel entitled to touch me whenever and however he wanted because we are married. 

I felt it was related to his porn addiction and sought help with an S-Anon group and couciling. I believe he is a sex addict and have had to set a lot of boundaries. He wasn't permitted to touch me with out verbal consent and I told him I wouldn't live with him unless he became abstinent from using pornography and attended a support group for sex addiction. I had to leave my house (because I didn't have the courage to kick him out -- that and he'd blame me more and act like the victim -- so I left) and I had to leave more than once. I even moved to another city and invited him to come along with a list of conditions on his behavior. I know understand I was being sexually abused by his behavior because he did not respect my no. And I have absolute right over my body, and only I do, he doesn't have any rights to my body. I vowed to honor him with my body, which to me meant that I would only be with him sexually, be he wasn't keeping up his vow of honoring me since he was using porn -- which I know understand has the same affects on anyone's brain and body as any other type of sexual relationship -- ie it's the same as an affair. 

Wanted to post because I no longer am experiencing sutle sexual abuse, there is still mind games a bit, but he's been abstenant for a few months and I can feel the difference being around him, it doesn't feel like I could be touched without consent at anytime which is helping with the PTSD I'd developed while not understanding what was going on and my right not to be touched if I don't want to, married or not!


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