# I feel helpless, sad, and lost



## newbie33 (Oct 18, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for a short time, and up until a few weeks ago things were amazing. She loved me more than I could hope for, and things were amazing.

We decided that we would take steps to start preparing for a baby. My wife was taking an SSRI, but consulted with her physician, and decided to ween herself off the medication. The weening time was only about 2 months, but one day she realized that she did not take her medication, and decided not finish out her prescription. 

A few weeks after stopping with the medication, she began to withdraw from me. She is very sad, will not touch me (hug, kiss, hold my hand, anything), and says all she wants to do is run away and not be stuck in our marriage. 

She fully recognizes that she's dealing with something serious, and has done a lot of research herself for certain solutions that she can do herself. However, she refuses to seek counselling, and does not want to entertain the thought of going back on medication because she doesn't feel like herself.

I've done so much reading on the topic of depression, but my wife does not like me suggesting things to her, something I simply don't do anymore, as it upsets her a lot.

I feel completely unloved right now, which is crazy since our marriage is so young. I'm so scared that the woman that loved me so much just weeks ago, will not return. I get so sad at night because I'll I want is to embrace my wife, but she wants nothing to do with any physical contact. 

I'm so lost and sad right now. I'm so scared that she's not going to come back to me. I saw this forum and thought people might have advice that would give me hope that this is something we can work through, and that she can get those feelings for me again. 

What can I do to help her?


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## tombaby (Oct 17, 2012)

All you really can do is love her and support her. you need to find out how she likes to be loved. I recommend the 5 Love Languages. It sounds like she's just depressed right now, but it's early and you need to address it as soon as possible.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

When you come of medication it can cause strange emotional effects one of which is depression the other big on is the anxiety. which when that hits a high and then crashes down causes the depression. (Cycle of events) This is really had to cope with and just as had to be a loving bystander watching this happen.

As Tombaby said, love and support is essential as your W is now having to live on the chemicals provided by the body and not the medication suppliment. 

The issue about suggestng things is NOT uncommon. It can be seen by her as you being fed up with her as she is at the preset and pushing her. Its not true of course but its another pressure no matter how nicely you put it. 

The internet is great for findng information and really bad for telling you that all your symtoms are X,Y and Z. It can if your not careful put you back iin a dark place without you realising it and the content of some very well meaning sites can play on a vulnerbale persons mind much more easily than a non-sufferer. It may be wise for YOU to seek help through your wifes doctor or councillor and ask then specifically for help and support mechanisims that you can emply that will in turn help your wife. The partner of a sufferer is normally the closest and yet the least experienced in supporting the one they love, this is NOT a criticism of you........ Its the way the thing plays out.

Let her talk to you, when she wants to talk. Continue to hold her, show love and affection and provide continue affirmation of your love for her. She may be low and starting to feel different, she may be worried that your now finding her condition a factor that is likey to drive you away. In turn these re-run as a film in her head and adds to the emotional issues that are moving about in him at this time.


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## newbie33 (Oct 18, 2012)

Thank you for the replies. This is a great start. Everything you say Pault, I completely agree with. I think seeking counselling might help me to understand her illness more. I am being very cautious about what I read.

I think the hardest thing for me right now, is that she gets so irritated to the point of crying, just over day-to-day activities.
All I want to do is hug her, but she doesn't want me to touch her at all. I feed so much off that physical connection, just touching her hand, or kissing her on the cheek. I find it so hard that I want to have contact with her, but she can't stand to touch me because it irritates her. I want to show her as much love as I can, but she just doesn't want to hear or feel it.

I feel sick to my stomach all the time, and haven't had a complete sleep in two weeks.

I know showing her love and being positive are things I do daily, but it's just getting harder and harder each day.

I won't give up on her, and hearing of people that went through something like this, and their partner returned to the person they once knew, is something I really wondered. Is this possible? Can she come back?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

It can take several months for the side effects to go away. 
How bad was her depression before the anti-depressant? 
No don't give up on her; try to keep busy, exercise, cook meals that she likes, bring her flowers, buy her a CD that she likes. Anything to support her through the withdrawal period.


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## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

You sound like an amazing, caring husband. Don't give up on her. Depression is horrible. Learn as much as you can. Read. Read. Read.
I hope she pulls out of it soon and sees that you are still there for her -
hang in there.


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