# Should I say 'Yes' to everything?



## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

I am so embarrassed to even bring this up, because in my heart I feel like it is stupid. But since it has caused a big disruption in my marriage I feel that I need to at least look for some insight. Here I go. My husband and I do not live in the same house hold because my job requires me to move a lot and he has a really good job. We are trying to lose weight and I am on the WW point plan. The other day he asked me to track his points for him. I explained to him, that not only would it be time consuming, but it would be effortless if he does not do the program correctly, so I said no. And stated that it would be more beneficial for him to do it himself. He said that I should be willing to do what ever makes him happy, even if i do not agree. I told repeatedly that was something I was not going to do and then he said that I will do whatever he asks me to do. I normally do anything he asks me, but I really feel like no only was this a unrealistic request, but that I also have the right to say 'No'. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Yeah, he's wrong. A loving relationship does not require that one person do whatever the other person wants. He is your husband, not your boss. I'm concerned for you that this dynamic shows up in other ways in your relationship.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You're not his child. Would he do anything you ask him to do? Even if he would, it shouldn't be that way. Say no - and stick to it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I only talk to my wife that way when I want a good beating.

If this isn't his way of getting rough sex, then he is being an a-hole.

As has already been asked, is he like this in other areas of your life?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You cannot possibly keep track of his food intake like he can. I think he is being unrealistic.

Honestly, no offense, but he sounds like a jerk. No need to be with a selfish guy.

In marriage, the ideal is to please each other. Not all one-sided.


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## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

Thank. You. Yes this is displayed in other parts of our relationship. He is a very controlling individual and refuses to acknowledge his behavior.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

As a WW tracker myself, I cannot see how I could achieve any results with someone else keeping track of my points. The whole notion is ludicrous.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You probably need to get some MC. He would be well advised to get counseling himself.

From the sounds of it he will not go. You have to ask yourself what you are willing to deal with and what you are not.
He needs to understand your position on this.

Figure yourself out and then put your foot down about it.

I am a knuckle dragging barbarian and I wouldn't disregard my wife the way your husband is ever!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Philat said:


> As a WW tracker myself, I cannot see how I could achieve any results with someone else keeping track of my points. The whole notion is ludicrous.


Yes, the whole point of tracking is to learn how to control portions and such. What is he going to do, text or email everything he's eaten for the day? By the time he types everything out and sends it to you, he could have figured out his own points.


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## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

He will go to marriage counseling, but oddly enough he does not want to talk about anything specific. I think that is very counterproductive. I really don't have a problem with my flaws being put on the table, I am for it - especially if it is going to help the marriage.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> You're not his child. Would he do anything you ask him to do? Even if he would, it shouldn't be that way. Say no - and stick to it.


Do you tie his shoes for him too? There are things that a grown up should do themselves for their own good. Stick to your guns and say NO. 

He is ridiculous and being VERY LAZY in my mind! In fact, it it turns into a bigger argument, print off the replies you are getting and let him read them.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> *I am a knuckle dragging barbarian *and I wouldn't disregard my wife the way your husband is ever!


I have a hard time believing that, Conan. 

Whatever you look like on the outside, you seem like a big teddy bear on the inside!


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Does he say yes to every request you make? I doubt it.

I also think living apart would be hard on your marriage.(ok some days easier, but for the most part, difficult)


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Star79 said:


> I told repeatedly that was something I was not going to do and then he said that I will do whatever he asks me to do. I normally do anything he asks me, but I really feel like no only was this a unrealistic request, but that I also have the right to say 'No'. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


If this is the case, then wouldn't he also do for YOU anything you asked HIM to do? Say NO, and ask him to track his own freakin' numbers. This is such a ridiculous demand from him...


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## confusedFather (Jul 15, 2012)

I've never done a weight loss program but I do count calories and try to maintain good fat/carb/protien ratios. I started doing this last year after I increase my workouts to try an gain muscle mass.

This was a huge eye opener regarding what I was eating and what absolute junk I was putting into my body. It made me want to learn more and eat better.

Perhaps if you explain to him that he'll get so much more out of it by doing it himself he'll get on board.

The point is if you do it he won't benefit as much. If you don't do it he probably won't do it himself. So you need to encourage him. After all, the goal is better health and you should want that for him.

Also, my wife did WW after pregnancy many years ago. I remember thinking it was interesting but really not that time consuming. I agree that he shouldn't force this on you and make it an "if you love me" kind of thing. But is it really that much trouble if it helps him?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Do you think his controlling behavior is a result of his insecurity stemming from you living in separate households? I know that separate households would be a deal breaker for me. Only seeing my wife once in a while, never "truly" knowing what she's doing on a day to day basis, or her me. I get the impression he's grasping at straws. This is the kind of thing that a guy might make up when he's looking for excuses to have more constant contact.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

You realize that if counting his points for him isn't unrealistic enough then counting his points for him when you are not even together is COMPLETELY unrealistic, in fact absurd, impossible. Thus the request sets you up to fail him.

Read The Power of No | Psychology Today


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You've said your piece, you've given your answer, there's no need to discuss it further imo. No need to tell him the whys etc, he knows, and any continuation of the discussion is indicating that you will consider changing your answer.

No, end of story, not discussing it anymore, change the subject.


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

hmmmm. methinks there is more to his response than you are letting on. You work and live apart. So when you are together, there is limited time. And you are probably checking emails, taking business phone calls, working on proposals, etc....i.e. taking time away from your "together time". He is feeling that he is not a high priority on your check list. He gave you a simple task....doing this weight watchers thing, and you told him you were too busy. Yeah, sure he is going to be pissed off. It was a test that you failed.

Does he care about WW? Ha, he is a guy, probably could not care less one way or another. It is your refusal to spend a few minutes a day helping him with it that was the problem. 

Guys really like to be mentally stroked, and you sound like you are all stroked out. If you want positive results, throw your cell phone and laptop away when you are together, and really pay attention to him.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> I only talk to my wife that way when I want a good beating.
> 
> If this isn't his way of getting rough sex, then he is being an a-hole.
> 
> As has already been asked, is he like this in other areas of your life?


Love the image! Can see the broom flying and everything.

No, but seriously. What? He cannot talk to you like that. He could say that he is disappointed that you won't do it for him, but that's about it.


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