# Would you cut your daughter’s ex boyfriend cell phone off because said daughter asked



## Cherry

My 17 year old daughter and her long term boyfriend have once again broke up, after a turbulent 2 year relationship. Several months ago, they asked me if he could use one of our cell phone lines and I agreed since we had to pay for the 9.99 line for at least another year anyway and it wasn’t being used. He doesn’t abuse the line, only using it for texting, which is unlimited on the plan. Apparently, the break up was pretty bad and some hateful things were said via text and she asked me to block it, which I cannot do because it’s on the same plan as her phone line. I texted him and ask him to not use the line to harass her, or else I would have to cut it off, he agreed and so far so good, except she’s asked me again to cut it off… For nothing more than spite at this point. 

My question is this, am I risking my relationship with my 17 year old by not cutting the line off, or should I try and explain to her that as long as he’s not doing anything wrong with it, I don’t have a problem with him using it? Am I doing the wrong thing by allowing him to continue using the line??


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## unbelievable

You're paying for someone to text cruel or hateful words to your daughter? She wouldn't have to ask me to cut off his phone.


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## Cherry

unbelievable said:


> You're paying for someone to text cruel or hateful words to your daughter? She wouldn't have to ask me to cut off his phone.


That's just it, I asked him not to do that anymore or else I would cut it off as it happened just after they broke up, and she was no saint in this process. The ex told me that he won't text her and I confirmed with daughter that he hasn't text her, now she just wants it off for spite. That's why I'm trying to get thoughts on this and yes, if he was in fact still being hateful to her, it would be a no brainer, but he's not... So I'm torn  Part of the issue too is that my H is wanting to get his own business up and running in a few months and he wants the ex boyfriend to work for him when he graduates. If it's not my own marriage that's messed up, it's my daughters relationship with this young man! She breaks up with him, gets back, breaks up, gets back... This time I do think it's for good though.


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## Hope1964

I have a 17 year old daughter and *I* tell *HER* what happens with her cell phone, she doesn't tell me. When she pays for it herself she gets to decide. And I am not a dictatorial parent at all - the opposite actually. She hasn't had a curfew for a few years now.

I am wondering why you don't just cancel his number? Why do you even want to keep paying for a cell phone for some guy that you have no more ties to? He's old enough to get his own phone, and if he can't well then too bad. Your husband can tell exbf to contact him after graduation if exbf wants to work for him.


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## Cherry

Hope1964 said:


> I am wondering why you don't just cancel his number? Why do you even want to keep paying for a cell phone for some guy that you have no more ties to? He's old enough to get his own phone, and if he can't well then too bad. Your husband can tell exbf to contact him after graduation if exbf wants to work for him.


The line is just sitting there not being used and has been for about a year (unrelated story as to why), it has a year left on contract and it will cost a few hundred to cancel, more so than to just continue paying the 9.99 a month (which will cost 120 over the life of the line vs about 200 to cancel). And yes, he could contact my H when he's ready to work, I know that, I guess his having this phone now really has nothing to do with that yet, but we would want him to have something when he does start working for him. Thank you for your input!


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## SadSamIAm

Sounds like you like this 'ex'. That he must be a good guy. But I can see that it would tick off your daughter supporting him with this phone (even though she was no saint in the breakup).

I would talk to the guy and have him to agree to pay 'something' for the phone. He might not be able to afford the full $10/month. Then tell your daughter that you can't take away the phone because he paid you for it.


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## Cherry

SadSamIAm said:


> Sounds like you like this 'ex'. That he must be a good guy. But I can see that it would tick off your daughter supporting him with this phone (even though she was no saint in the breakup).
> 
> I would talk to the guy and have him to agree to pay 'something' for the phone. He might not be able to afford the full $10/month. Then tell your daughter that you can't take away the phone because he paid you for it.


Yeah, we kind of like him... He's a good ole country boy and my 17 year old, well she's a lot like I was when I was that age... So I do feel sorry for him  He's put up with a lot from her! I like that idea about having him pay... He has told me that he could pay the 10 a month and I might just take him up on that, thanks for the idea!


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## Runs like Dog

Someone breaks my baby's heart - they're dead to me.


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## unbelievable

When my daughter is in a relationship, I have a relationship with the guy. When that relationship ends, my relationship ends. I am linked to my daughter by blood and DNA and whether she is a saint or not, if she is in conflict with someone, I know which side I'm on. I'm of the opinion that every woman deserves one guy on earth who has her back no-matter-what and who expects nothing from her. That's my job as "dad". Thanksgiving, Christmas, and future grandkids' birthdays are going to get a little weird if you start showing preference to some guy over your daughter.


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## Cherry

unbelievable said:


> When my daughter is in a relationship, I have a relationship with the guy. When that relationship ends, my relationship ends. I am linked to my daughter by blood and DNA and whether she is a saint or not, if she is in conflict with someone, I know which side I'm on. I'm of the opinion that every woman deserves one guy on earth who has her back no-matter-what and who expects nothing from her. That's my job as "dad". Thanksgiving, Christmas, and future grandkids' birthdays are going to get a little weird if you start showing preference to some guy over your daughter.


I agree, and I certainly don't plan on having get together's with this guy... I look at this and somewhat compare it to my marriage... My H is on my cell phone plan, only my name, if we were to split and it was my choice to do so, I would also give him time to get his own plan and phone... These kids live in the sticks and this is their "lifelines" out there so I have a hard time abandoning his lifeline at the moment because my daughter stomped on his heart and now she just wants it cut off out of spite. And don't get me wrong, I support my daughter in most any decision she makes, it's just that in this particular situation, I am having a difficult time seeing the reason to cut his phone off out of spite when he hasn't done anything to her or me... She just chose to move on. As a matter of fact I asked her what he did this time and she said "nothing", and that he was just getting boring.


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## that_girl

Wow. Your 17 year old daughter is in a "serious" relationship for 2 years...and you pay for her bf's phone?

lol. Sorry...but...maybe he should get a JOB.

They aren't married so it's nothing like you and your husband.

So she stomped on his heart, oh well...she's 17. It's a good thing.


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## Cherry

that_girl said:


> Wow. Your 17 year old daughter is in a "serious" relationship for 2 years...and you pay for her bf's phone?
> 
> lol. Sorry...but...maybe he should get a JOB.
> 
> They aren't married so it's nothing like you and your husband.
> 
> So she stomped on his heart, oh well...she's 17. It's a good thing.


lol... Okay, yes, it's been pretty serious thus far, they've been through some pretty serious issues in 2 years... and I did not get him a phone or a phone line, the phone and the phone line were simply there already, the phone collecting dust and the line collecting the 10 charge a month. His mother cut his phone off because he is a typical 17 year old (broke curfew, lied, whatever 17 year olds do) and she left my daughter and him no way to communicate... Soooo, they approached me about the unused line and phone and a few weeks before all of this, my daughter had been sexually assaulted by 2 acquaintances of theirs. So it was a crucial time in their relationship, she needed him and he was really there for her during this time and I wanted to make sure that she could call him or text him when she needed to talk, or just lean on someone. I don't know, maybe I look up to him a little more than I should for having stood by my daughter during that incident... A lot of their friends put the blame on her for being in a situation like that to begin with (even though they slipped her something in her drink), he did not do that, he was one of the most supportive people to her during that time  So now I'm torn.


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## that_girl

Don't be torn. He needs to get a job. 

And 17 is too young to be so serious. People may disagree, but I stand firm.


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## Cherry

that_girl said:


> Don't be torn. He needs to get a job.
> 
> And 17 is too young to be so serious. People may disagree, but I stand firm.


No, I agree that it's too young to be serious... She's talking about college out of state anyway. Thank you for your input


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## golfergirl

Cherry said:


> No, I agree that it's too young to be serious... She's talking about college out of state anyway. Thank you for your input


I have to say I disagree with you over-stepping his mom's parental authority. She saw need to discipline her son by taking away privilege and regardless of your good intentions towards your daughter, I'd be pissed if someone messed with my discipline. That's not fair to other parent. My H does that and I am waiting for the day we get blasted by the wrong parent (or right parent)!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chattycathy

Cut
him
off

You do no one involved (including exbf) any favors letting the line continue.

Cut the satelite cord.


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## Cherry

golfergirl said:


> I have to say I disagree with you over-stepping his mom's parental authority. She saw need to discipline her son by taking away privilege and regardless of your good intentions towards your daughter, I'd be pissed if someone messed with my discipline. That's not fair to other parent. My H does that and I am waiting for the day we get blasted by the wrong parent (or right parent)!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She didn't just take his phone away at that time, but she also kicked him out and had him go live with his dad... His dad didn't have the money for a phone or a line, so I didn't really feel like I was overstepping his mom's authority at that time as she had already kicked him out and washed her hands of him. He's back home now and she's okay with the whole phone thing, I don't think it was ever an issue with me letting him use the line... or at least his mom hasn't mentioned it to me and we've talked about a lot of things. Maybe she just thinks I'm a sucker for risking a phone line with a 17 year old


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## that_girl

Cherry said:


> She didn't just take his phone away at that time, but she also kicked him out and had him go live with his dad... His dad didn't have the money for a phone or a line, so I didn't really feel like I was overstepping his mom's authority at that time as she had already kicked him out and washed her hands of him. He's back home now and she's okay with the whole phone thing, I don't think it was ever an issue with me letting him use the line... or at least his mom hasn't mentioned it to me and we've talked about a lot of things. Maybe she just thinks I'm a sucker for risking a phone line with a 17 year old


However, she was trying to teach him a lesson. A lesson he didn't learn because you gave him a phone for free. 10 bucks or 50 bucks-- doesn't matter. He should be paying for it.

And for a child to be kicked out, they have to be doing things that push a mother to a limit. 

I'd just wash my hands of it. If he wants a phone, he can buy one.


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## Cherry

Okay, I got it... Maybe I'm just mourning the loss of the relationship as well, but I think the overwhelming consensus here and with my daughter is to shut it off, I can give him some time to make other arrangements, right? That's what I told my daughter I would do and I wanted to buy some time to get some opinions from TAM. So thank you everyone


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## Lon

cut it off and don't look back. In hindsight you should have done this at the first opportunity since it has turned into something more.


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## unbelievable

He's 17, needs money and lives in the sticks. The Army has phones, radios, satellite commo equipment, etc. He could be a highly trained communicator and get paid for it. The ugly temperament might come in handy, too. Good for him good for the country, and if you let me sponsor him, good for me, too. He's out of your daughter's hair, off your cell phone plan, and he'd come back all buff, mature, and good lookin' with his college all paid for.


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## Cherry

unbelievable said:


> He's 17, needs money and lives in the sticks. The Army has phones, radios, satellite commo equipment, etc. He could be a highly trained communicator and get paid for it. The ugly temperament might come in handy, too. Good for him good for the country, and if you let me sponsor him, good for me, too. He's out of your daughter's hair, off your cell phone plan, and he'd come back all buff, mature, and good lookin' with his college all paid for.


lol... He did talk about joining the military if my H's business doesn't pan out  Might not be a bad idea afterall!


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## Atholk

You just ask for the phone back. End of story. Not your kid.

I mean seriously, if I was paying for a opposite sex teenagers phone, people would just assume I was.....


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