# Help I’m in a crazy situation, my husband wants bdsm and I do not



## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

Let me first start off by saying I am a very open and spontaneous sexual person. I enjoy dressing up, oral, role play and different positions. My husband has a deep need for bdsm and of course I had to find out the hard way after we got married by his online addiction. We have been together since we were 12 and got married at 18 so yes we were too young to know how to even discuss sex honestly. See the issue here is if he came to me and expressed it was a deep need for him I would do Bdsm no questions asked and possibly grow to enjoy it with him since I’m a very easy going open minded person willing to explore. The huge issue is he went about it totally wrong and I mean horribly wrong. His online addiction was vorephilia which is where women were tied up, bound, gagged and forced into a snakes mouth to be eaten while struggling for help to be free. Most of this was cartoon/video game graphic and very few were real or acted out by models. Yes he is a very creative artistic individual and might possibly be on the autism spectrum. The fact that it was so insanely disturbing makes me question his sanity for one and two how he views me sexually. Like does he envision me suffering to the point I’m eaten and gets aroused by it? He says no but who knows if he’s being hones since that is what he watches. This makes bdsm with him so uncormfortable. Of course to avoid divorce, we have done bdsm here and there and I just break down and cry after. I feel Horrible because he wants me to enjoy it and I love him and want to fully satisfy him but I freeze during bdsm, tense up, hold back tears because the unknown of what he’s thinking of me while I’m tied haunts the daylights out of me. To the point I vomit, shake, have stomach pain and diarrhea. He knows it has this effect on me but at the same time has a deep sexual need to do bdsm. Am I crazy to feel this way? What would you do in this situation? How can this be resolved? Again we have three children and love each other since we were high school sweet hearts and have always been inseparable. Divorce just isn’t an option.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

He doesn't love you your just his toy. And is only thinking of himself he doesn't desire your safety nor respect. Make your stand now.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Let me first start off by saying I am a very open and spontaneous sexual person. I enjoy dressing up, oral, role play and different positions. My husband has a deep need for bdsm and of course I had to find out the hard way after we got married by his online addiction. We have been together since we were 12 and got married at 18 so yes we were too young to know how to even discuss sex honestly. See the issue here is if he came to me and expressed it was a deep need for him I would do Bdsm no questions asked and possibly grow to enjoy it with him since I’m a very easy going open minded person willing to explore. The huge issue is he went about it totally wrong and I mean horribly wrong. His online addiction was vorephilia which is where women were tied up, bound, gagged and forced into a snakes mouth to be eaten while struggling for help to be free. Most of this was cartoon/video game graphic and very few were real or acted out by models. Yes he is a very creative artistic individual and might possibly be on the autism spectrum. The fact that it was so insanely disturbing makes me question his sanity for one and two how he views me sexually. Like does he envision me suffering to the point I’m eaten and gets aroused by it? He says no but who knows if he’s being hones since that is what he watches. This makes bdsm with him so uncormfortable. Of course to avoid divorce, we have done bdsm here and there and I just break down and cry after. I feel Horrible because he wants me to enjoy it and I love him and want to fully satisfy him but I freeze during bdsm, tense up, hold back tears because the unknown of what he’s thinking of me while I’m tied haunts the daylights out of me. To the point I vomit, shake, have stomach pain and diarrhea. He knows it has this effect on me but at the same time has a deep sexual need to do bdsm. Am I crazy to feel this way? What would you do in this situation? How can this be resolved? Again we have three children and love each other since we were high school sweet hearts and have always been inseparable. Divorce just isn’t an option.


First divorce is always an option, especially if it comes down to your health and safety, physical or mental.

That said, I need to touch on some points.

First vore is a lot more expansive that what you are presenting. I am guessing that what you wrote is a specific aspect of vore that he focuses on. Vore in general is a sexual arousal around the concept of eating, being eaten, or observing such. The snake is not part of vore per se, save in that it is doing the eating for him to observe. But the water could be human or another animal.

Could you be more specific about what BDSM activity you are engaging in. As an educator in the BDSM community, I can say that BDSM covers a HUGH range of activity from simple D/s to knife play, to wax play, electroplay, piercing, rope play, and oh so much more. So knowing what specific activities (also called plays) you are doing would help. I would also like to know what about them you are having issues with.

It is not good that you are being coersed (sp) into this. This is borderline consent violation at its best. Yes, you may be consenting, but you seem to be doing so from a position of duress, not actually desire to engage.

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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> First divorce is always an option, especially if it comes down to your health and safety, physical or mental.
> 
> That said, I need to touch on some points.
> 
> ...


Some of the vore he has looked at was plant vore, monster vore, worm vore and mostly snake vore. As far as bdsm, we have done gag balls, arm restraints, bed restraints, rope tie up and tape.


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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

Tilted 1 said:


> He doesn't love you your just his toy. And is only thinking of himself he doesn't desire your safety nor respect. Make your stand now.


He does love and care for me. That is the issue. He doesn’t want me to feel pain or forced. He gets upset if I cry after because he wants to pleasure me. He just feels bdsm is a deep need for him like being gay. He has to have it it’s just apart of who he is. I am willing to do it with him I just hate the fact how it effects me after seeing his vorephilia


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Hum, then I guess I don't understand your posting then. If you participate because you are willing. What are you seeking then, is it a path to be more into this?


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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

Tilted 1 said:


> Hum, then I guess I don't understand your posting then. If you participate because you are willing. What are you seeking then, is it a path to be more into this?


Yes, I’m trying to seek his interest because I love him and want to satisfy him. I just hate that I feel the way I do after bondage.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Some of the vore he has looked at was plant vore, monster vore, worm vore and mostly snake vore. As far as bdsm, we have done gag balls, arm restraints, bed restraints, rope tie up and tape.





Naturalblonde7 said:


> He does love and care for me. That is the issue. He doesn’t want me to feel pain or forced. He gets upset if I cry after because he wants to pleasure me. He just feels bdsm is a deep need for him like being gay. He has to have it it’s just apart of who he is. I am willing to do it with him I just hate the fact how it effects me after seeing his vorephilia


BDSM can be a need in some one. I am like that as is one of my wives. The other wife enjoys playing, but if she never do so again, she'd be fine.

So pulling from these last posts, am I correct that you were doing bondage (because they seems to the the extent of BDSM that you've done) already, when you discovered the vore porn from online, and now that is clouding the experience? That you were otherwise enjoying the bondage?

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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I know very little about BDSM but I have heard that it is supposed to involve aftercare so the submissive is not left to feel exactly how you feel afterwards. Is he providing aftercare for you? If not, get a book about the true and safe way to engage in the practices he wants so that you are not left a sobbing mess. It's good that he doesn't want you to end up that way, but it's up to HIM to make sure you don't.


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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> I know very little about BDSM but I have heard that it is supposed to involve aftercare so the submissive is not left to feel exactly how you feel afterwards. Is he providing aftercare for you? If not, get a book about the true and safe way to engage in the practices he wants so that you are not left a sobbing mess. It's good that he doesn't want you to end up that way, but it's up to HIM to make sure you don't.


Wow I didn’t know that was a thing. Makes sense though. I’m sure if he provides after care I’d be good. I’ll have to research it. He usually just unties me and holds me while I cry or just lays there upset that I am crying


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Wow I didn’t know that was a thing. Makes sense though. I’m sure if he provides after care I’d be good. I’ll have to research it. He usually just unties me and holds me while I cry or just lays there upset that I am crying


You need to tell him what you need from him to tell you what will help you not feel the way that you've been feeling. Do some research and hopefully you can both work together to make things better.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Wow I didn’t know that was a thing. Makes sense though. I’m sure if he provides after care I’d be good. I’ll have to research it. He usually just unties me and holds me while I cry or just lays there upset that I am crying


I'm glad @notmyjamie mentioned aftercare. I feel bad that I missed that possibility.

Holding you and comforting you afterwards is aftercare. Being upset you are crying is not. And crying can be a common effect of a session. Some even seek to be taken to such a level, although I suspect you do not.

If you do wish to continue doing BDSM, I am going to highly suggest that you find a local group that can help teach you some of these basics. If you PM me a location (can be as general as you wish, such as a nearby city/town and not your own) I can help locate a group for you. You do have to do any playing with these people or anything. Just having others who can answer questions and to just network and socialize with can be extremely helpful.

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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Wow I didn’t know that was a thing. Makes sense though. I’m sure if he provides after care I’d be good. I’ll have to research it. He usually just unties me and holds me while I cry or just lays there upset that I am crying


I know very little about BSDM - at least the kind you're talking about with the elaborate plays, devices, clamps, wax, intricate tying, etc. I never even heard of the kind you're talking about - vore. Maybe I'm sheltered! 

Anyway, regarding aftercare, I would imagine that the concept involves you being TURNED ON and fully ON BOARD and CONSENTING to the hard activities that require the aftercare. I don't think the point is that you do things that you don't really want to do, don't arouse you, and that you don't enjoy on at least some level, and then you just rely on aftercare to make it all better. I don't know, maybe someone who knows about this stuff can comment better but it doesn't seem like aftercare is the answer to this.

I can relate to this because I've done some things that REALLY pushed my boundaries (mental and physical) so I know the feeling afterwards. Just want to roll up in a ball and cry.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

If he's on the spectrum then he might see you as a tool to facilitate his own pleasure, but he might not understand why his fantasies are not pleasurable to you. How does he see you as a person? How are his social interactions? How is his empathy towards others? 

If I were you, I would address the spectrum issue first and stop the BDSM completely until you both understand each other's ideas of pleasure and boundaries.

I wouldn't engage in any sex act that you don't enjoy because a healthy sex life includes your pleasure as well. Sex shouldn't make you cry, vomit or have diarrhea unless that's what you are looking for. 

Please understand sex is something you both enjoy. Sex is not act to denigrate you or hurt you. If you are crying and feeling like crap afterwards, then something is very wrong.


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## Lady2019 (Nov 5, 2019)

I am with a foot guy. I will say the fetish exposed by wanting to touch my feet, followed by licking, then came in shoes, then came in walking on his back and now we are to the point or standing on his face.
I have been where you are with feeling used, gross , wondering how he sees me , crying, self esteem issues ect

I’m 12 years in on this fetish and it never really does get better , it progresses its like once I’m comfortable a new layer unfolds I’d imagine most fetishes are similar - I’ve gotten better at dealing with my emotions about it and I’ve learnt to mostly accept he may never be able to just be with me “normally” . Even then the I what I wants creep back in and cause issues.

I REALLY recommend working with a therapist to work on YOU and then together to decide if this is something you really are willing to commit to. It is ok to leave if its hurting you emotionally and mentally and a safe place to be talk is definitely beneficial.

best of luck - believe him when he says its him and not you, he is not lying about that.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

JustTheWife said:


> I know very little about BSDM - at least the kind you're talking about with the elaborate plays, devices, clamps, wax, intricate tying, etc. I never even heard of the kind you're talking about - vore. Maybe I'm sheltered!


BDSM covers a wide range of activities. I like it to LBGT+. Like them we started taking in all kinds of other, in our case, kinks, similar to them adding on other sexualities and identities. We just didn't keep adding letters on.  So vore has been added in just because. There is so much that most people don't realize.



> Anyway, regarding aftercare, I would imagine that the concept involves you being TURNED ON and fully ON BOARD and CONSENTING to the hard activities that require the aftercare. I don't think the point is that you do things that you don't really want to do, don't arouse you, and that you don't enjoy on at least some level, and then you just rely on aftercare to make it all better. I don't know, maybe someone who knows about this stuff can comment better but it doesn't seem like aftercare is the answer to this.


It might help to a point. But the main issue seems not to be the lack of aftercare but the vore fetish. It's not come up as a play to do, but I can see the worry is there. A way probably needs to be found to be sure that it is not something that he would want to do.



> I can relate to this because I've done some things that REALLY pushed my boundaries (mental and physical) so I know the feeling afterwards. Just want to roll up in a ball and cry.


While boundaries should be pushed, assuming consent to push them, they should never be violated. Sadly, I've seen too many who do. And you'd be surprised the number of sub who will violate a Dom's boundaries.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> His online addiction was vorephilia which is where women were tied up, bound, gagged and forced into a snakes mouth to be eaten while struggling for help to be free. Most of this was cartoon/video game graphic and very few were real or acted out by models. Yes he is a very creative artistic individual and might possibly be on the autism spectrum.


Unless you've had him medically DIAGNOSED as being Autistic, you can't use that as an excuse for his abhorrent behavior. Nor can you attribute his repulsive behavior to him being "creative."

The guy is a sexual deviant, plain and simple. And worse, he LIED to you and hid what a deviant he really is until after you married him and had to find out yourself. That's when you should have run for your life.. 



> Divorce just isn’t an option.


Please. Divorce is ALWAYS an option when you have *self respect*. Sadly, you've lost yours and are instead choosing to disrespect yourself and all your boundaries and are literally putting yourself through hell JUST because you're so desperate to please him - at the cost of your *own *mental, emotional and mental health. 

*



He knows it has this effect on me but at the same time has a deep sexual need to do bdsm.

Click to expand...

*Of course, because it's all about HIM and what *he* needs. What a load of ********. He's a DEVIANT, and guess what he's going to be next month, next year, and next decade? He's going to be what he'll always be - a sexual DEVIANT.

What's the *payoff* for torturing yourself to please this deviant? I'm honestly curious. What's the payoff for completely ignoring every single boundary you've ever had in your life JUST so he can get his jollies while you're left vomiting and crying? I honestly would LOVE to know.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> He does love and care for me. That is the issue. He doesn’t want me to feel pain or forced. He gets upset if I cry after because he wants to pleasure me. He just feels bdsm is a deep need for him like being gay. He has to have it it’s just apart of who he is. I am willing to do it with him I just hate the fact how it effects me after seeing his vorephilia


So AGAIN, let's call a spade a spade.

There's no "aftercare" (phony as it would be coming from someone like him) as was mentioned up-thread. All you're getting from him is, "golly gee...I hate to see you cry after I've had *my* fun at your expense because I want to pleasure YOU now."

Unreal. The depth of pure SELFISHNESS he displays - and that *you* keep allowing - is astronomical.

I absolutely refuse to delude you into thinking that staying with a sexual deviant - especially one whose so damned SELFISH that he actually claims his fetish *must* be fed when he knows DAMNED well what it's doing to you - is in ANY way a positive thing because it's *not*. And it obviously isin't for you or you wouldn't be throwing up and crying after he's abused you and you wouldn't feel the need to post on TAM.


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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

I


She'sStillGotIt said:


> Unless you've had him medically DIAGNOSED as being Autistic, you can't use that as an excuse for his abhorrent behavior. Nor can you attribute his repulsive behavior to him being "creative."
> 
> The guy is a sexual deviant, plain and simple. And worse, he LIED to you and hid what a deviant he really is until after you married him and had to find out yourself. That's when you should have run for your life..
> 
> ...


I agree with you that he is a deviant. One of the websites he had was deviant art and he commented some pretty disturbing things to other vore art. He was diagnosed with adhd as a child but I feel he was misdiagnosed due to other traits he has displayed like Hand flapping, overwhelmed in crowds, learning to talk until age 5, sensitivity to lights,noises and textures, tantrums when things don’t follow schedule, doesn’t understand social ques etc there are a lot more behavior traits he displays that guide towards autism behavior but again I’m not sure if he’s autistic but definitely shows behavior signs on the spectrum and yes and if his adhd diagnosis was correct that is on the spectrum. The autistic behavior is no excuse for his poor behavior but I feel it definitely contributes. As far as being creative, yes he is very artsy as far as disassociates into a fantasy state in regards to movies, shows and drawings. I feel he has mixed his art with violence which makes sense of why he would be into something so disturbing. Not excusing it at all just trying to analyze why someone would be into it. I’ve always loved him unconditionally and forgive him for his bad choices. Personally I just don’t believe in divorce and when I said my vows for sickness and in health I meant it. I still have hope that he would heal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Let me first start off by saying I am a very open and spontaneous sexual person. I enjoy dressing up, oral, role play and different positions. My husband has a deep need for bdsm and of course I had to find out the hard way after we got married by his online addiction. We have been together since we were 12 and got married at 18 so yes we were too young to know how to even discuss sex honestly. See the issue here is if he came to me and expressed it was a deep need for him I would do Bdsm no questions asked and possibly grow to enjoy it with him since I’m a very easy going open minded person willing to explore. The huge issue is he went about it totally wrong and I mean horribly wrong. His online addiction was vorephilia which is where women were tied up, bound, gagged and forced into a snakes mouth to be eaten while struggling for help to be free. Most of this was cartoon/video game graphic and very few were real or acted out by models. Yes he is a very creative artistic individual and might possibly be on the autism spectrum. The fact that it was so insanely disturbing makes me question his sanity for one and two how he views me sexually. Like does he envision me suffering to the point I’m eaten and gets aroused by it? He says no but who knows if he’s being hones since that is what he watches. This makes bdsm with him so uncormfortable. Of course to avoid divorce, we have done bdsm here and there and I just break down and cry after. I feel Horrible because he wants me to enjoy it and I love him and want to fully satisfy him but I freeze during bdsm, tense up, hold back tears because the unknown of what he’s thinking of me while I’m tied haunts the daylights out of me. To the point I vomit, shake, have stomach pain and diarrhea. He knows it has this effect on me but at the same time has a deep sexual need to do bdsm. Am I crazy to feel this way? What would you do in this situation? How can this be resolved? Again we have three children and love each other since we were high school sweet hearts and have always been inseparable. Divorce just isn’t an option.


No you are not crazy to feel that way. It's a pretty normal reaction for a person who is not into BDSM. There is no way i would ever participate in what you describe. Part of the reason I react strongly is that I have been raped and when i was 21 a guy who I don't now tried to kill me. I don't understand how anyone would allow themselves to be tried up and let another person have total control over them. 

When you two have engaged in BDSM, are you always the person who is incapacitated and/or physically "abused". Or does he also take that role.

You say that part of the issue is that you have no idea what is going through his mind. Have you asked him to talk to you and tell his every thought when it's going on?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> I
> 
> I agree with you that he is a deviant. One of the websites he had was deviant art and he commented some pretty disturbing things to other vore art. He was diagnosed with adhd as a child but I feel he was misdiagnosed due to other traits he has displayed like Hand flapping, overwhelmed in crowds, learning to talk until age 5, sensitivity to lights,noises and textures, tantrums when things don’t follow schedule, doesn’t understand social ques etc there are a lot more behavior traits he displays that guide towards autism behavior but again I’m not sure if he’s autistic but definitely shows behavior signs on the spectrum and yes and if his adhd diagnosis was correct that is on the spectrum. The autistic behavior is no excuse for his poor behavior but I feel it definitely contributes. As far as being creative, yes he is very artsy as far as disassociates into a fantasy state in regards to movies, shows and drawings. I feel he has mixed his art with violence which makes sense of why he would be into something so disturbing. Not excusing it at all just trying to analyze why someone would be into it. I’ve always loved him unconditionally and forgive him for his bad choices. Personally I just don’t believe in divorce and when I said my vows for sickness and in health I meant it. *I still have hope that he would heal.*


Heal from what? There are so many things here it's unclear what he could heal from... ADHD? possible autism? disturbing/violent sexual fetishes?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Heal from what? There are so many things here it's unclear what he could heal from... ADHD? possible autism? disturbing/violent sexual fetishes?


I'm with Ele on this one. There is no cure for ADD/ADHD or autism. Treatment yes, but no cure. And if he is the type like I am where BDSM is a need, that won't go away either. That doesn't mean there shouldn't be control. But the need will remain.

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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> No you are not crazy to feel that way. It's a pretty normal reaction for a person who is not into BDSM. There is no way i would ever participate in what you describe. Part of the reason I react strongly is that I have been raped and when i was 21 a guy who I don't now tried to kill me. I don't understand how anyone would allow themselves to be tried up and let another person have total control over them.
> 
> When you two have engaged in BDSM, are you always the person who is incapacitated and/or physically "abused". Or does he also take that role.
> 
> You say that part of the issue is that you have no idea what is going through his mind. Have you asked him to talk to you and tell his every thought when it's going on?


I’ve always been the one tied he says he thinks it’s sexy when a women is tied. I have asked him but he says it’s just attractive. I feel for him to go on vore and like it, his mind has to have bad stuff of me sexually but I feel he will never tell me because he knows I would freak out.


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## Naturalblonde7 (Apr 3, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Heal from what? There are so many things here it's unclear what he could heal from... ADHD? possible autism? disturbing/violent sexual fetishes?


Heal from the disturbing side of him


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> I’ve always been the one tied he says he thinks it’s sexy when a women is tied. I have asked him but he says it’s just attractive. I feel for him to go on vore and like it, his mind has to have bad stuff of me sexually but I feel* he will never tell me because he knows I would freak out.*


You have good reason to freak out about this.

Consider seeking out some counseling on how to handle this. I'm not suggesting that you seek out counseling to figure out how to become submissive and trust a man who is most likely having some very disturbing thoughts about what he could do to you when he has complete control. Instead I'm suggesting that you get some help in figuring out how to keep your marriage together with you refusing to participate in his desire for this type of 'play'.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Heal from the disturbing side of him


The only way he might heal from the disturbing side of him is for him to get some serious counseling. He might also benefit from seeing a psychiatrist (MD) who might be able to help him figure out why he is obsessing about this and help him work through it to eventually end his obsession. If he has AD/HD or autism it might just be something that he has little to no control over. I think you need to know this.

Sadly, one of the side effects of the very easy availability of porn is that that 'fringe' types of porn are much more available. Some people who use porn, mostly men, will become obsessive and seek out more and more disturbing types of porn. It is akin to a type of addiction. They need more and more stimulating visuals to get them aroused. I've read some papers on this topic. 

Your husband would need help in breaking this desire. As time progresses, most sucked into this need more and more stimulation to satisfy the addiction. The more you give into this sort of "play", the more you are helping to build his obsession with some very disturbing desires. 

I think that most people who are into BD/SM are not into the things your husband seems to be obsessed with.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> His online addiction was vorephilia which is where women were tied up, bound, gagged and forced into a snakes mouth to be eaten while struggling for help to be free. Most of this was cartoon/video game graphic and very few were real or acted out by models.


I can't even, I mean I just can't even. WTeverlovingF? 

And, *very few *were real or acted out by models. Seriously? One is too many. I don't want to be harsh here; but, your husband is more than a few cards short of a full deck. He needs a team of psychiatrists and a padded cell. You need a body guard and a divorce ASAP!

How would he react if your online addiction was watching videos of men being fed into wood chippers while you masturbated?


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> Heal from the disturbing side of him


Heal from ADHD or autism? There's only treatment to modify behaviors but there's no cure for those disorders. 

He sounds like he's on the spectrum to me. The hand flapping, the obsession with order, the tantrums. I'm not a therapist but I'm around moms with kids on the spectrum and those are typical behaviors kids on the spectrum show.

Your love for him is not going to heal anything. You guys need professional help.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Naturalblonde7 said:


> I’ve always been the one tied he says he thinks it’s sexy when a women is tied. I have asked him but he says it’s just attractive. I feel for him to go on vore and like it, his mind has to have bad stuff of me sexually but I feel he will never tell me because he knows I would freak out.


Certain fetishes and fantasies remain just that, especially if they are not really doable. Futa is an example, as well as many of the exaggerations of gentials and breast sizes. Vore also typically falls under that. Short of being a sociopath, even being autisic or ADHD rarely results wanting to engage in such activities in actuality.

Take rape fantasies as an example. No one want to actually get raped. They want that one vestige of control to remain. But they can still indulge in the fantasy of the play. A top type doing the fantasy would never consider actually raping another. The negotiation occurs first, and safety is discussed. Age play is another example. While some will not sexually interact with a little, others gladly do so. They don't want actual children. They want their adult partner acting as a little.

What you have to first determine is exactly how far this fetish goes. Most into vore balk at actual cannibalism. Then you have to determine how much you are willing to deal with. From what I read, you've been enjoy the BDSM overall. It's this worry and fear of the vore coming into actuality that is your issue. A reasonable fear, to be sure.

Seeing a kink aware therapist might be a very good idea for both of you. 

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