# How do I change his mind



## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

This is so confusing to me, one day he wants out the next he is talking about us in the future. 

He is seriously being unreasonable about everything. When we moved into this new home in October he thought it would be a new start but I never knew that. I found out 2 weeks ago that he was having a EA with his brothers wife. His brother finally found out when his wife came clean with him about having feelings for my H. Cause his Brother and his wife are trying to work out their marriage problems. I thought after BIL found out that the calls and things would stop but they never did till last week when BIL called my H and told him to stop talking to his wife. I have no idea if he has , I did ask him a few nights ago about it and he said he doesn't even want to talk about it. That he has thought about what went on and he seriosuly thought it was all innocent. I had to explain to him it might have started out that way , but when you hide it from your spouse and her spouse and when you are calling her first thing in the morning and 10 times during the day then something is not innocent. 

I seriously don't want to give up on my marriage. His reasons for not wanting to be married anymore are reason from things I did 5 years ago when I left him and my kids and 14 years ago when I had a one night stand. 

I have told him that I love him, he is my world and I never showed him that before. That i can be a good wife and that I know we can be happy . We have never in 24 years put our marriage first when we had problems we got back to together and sweep everything under the rug. I don't want to do this to my children again. But I can just not get him to try or at least open up to the idea that we can fix this. 

Any advice please


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I think one of the first things you are going to have to come to grips with is that there are no "magic words" or magic things you can do to change his mind. You do not control him, and no matter how you manipulate it, it is up to him to make up his own mind. Shoot, if you pressure him right, he might even say he loves you and agree to move home, only to continue the affair deeper underground and more hidden! 

So #1 I'd suggest thinking about this. YOU are not going to change his mind. If he mind were to change, it would be if he decides to change his mind. The only mind you CAN change is your own. Once you have embraced the fact that no matter what you do you are not changing HIM...then we can start changing you.


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