# Its time



## Lilyh13 (Sep 23, 2010)

I think it is time. I have been going on 6 years in this horrible relationship. We have two beautiful children who are 4 years old and 11 months. I love my babies, but I can't stand another minute of feeling like this.

I will just touch down briefly on why. My husband is not a nice man in my eyes. He has a temper one you don't want to mess with. He used to punch holes in walls, slam, break, and destroy things in his fits. He didn't believe in a wedding instead it was a judge/court thing, no dress, no pictures, nothing. It was a sham. I could live with his temper but not with his disrespect. Then as I was pregnant with our son after 6 months of knowing him and we got married (very young 22 years old) he started distancing himself, he became lazy making me do chores because he is an all out slob despite I was bedrested for pre-eclampsia. He let a piece of cat poop sit on a rug for 2 months while I was pregnant refusing to help. 

Then came sex issues my biggest issue to date, these wrapped up with the fact he finally took his anger out on me one time last December but has vowed never to again, have made me want to end it right now. After I had our son he started putting off sex. I'd advance he'd say "you want this or sleep" while touching me in a nasty way then rolling over. He starts taking his computer in the bathroom and was caught masturbating, he started flirting with women on myspace and looking at their naked photos, I found porno torrents on his computer. Yet he can not perform with me at all, toys with me, will touch me sexually and stop when he used to know how to get me off now he pretends he is ignorant, will tell me he wants to wear masks and have sex with strangers, the list is enormous. He even told some woman who he looked at her naked photos of to ask his wife (me) to buy him underwear just last week. 

I don't think a therapist in this free world can help this relationship progress. I think I'd be happier single. I don't want to hurt my babies but I am 26 and I feel like I'm 86. I hate him for everything. Is anyone else out there who can understand someone please I need someone to talk with. I have no family or friends who'd understand. They're very religious and I am not so our values on sex, divorce or marriage are way left field of each others. Please don't tell me to go to some shelter, friends, ect.. its my home, my car, etc the man hasn't worked in years another issue.


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

Lilyh13 said:


> I think it is time. I have been going on 6 years in this horrible relationship. We have two beautiful children who are 4 years old and 11 months. I love my babies, but I can't stand another minute of feeling like this.
> 
> I will just touch down briefly on why. My husband is not a nice man in my eyes. He has a temper one you don't want to mess with. He used to punch holes in walls, slam, break, and destroy things in his fits. He didn't believe in a wedding instead it was a judge/court thing, no dress, no pictures, nothing. It was a sham. I could live with his temper but not with his disrespect. Then as I was pregnant with our son after 6 months of knowing him and we got married (very young 22 years old) he started distancing himself, he became lazy making me do chores because he is an all out slob despite I was bedrested for pre-eclampsia. He let a piece of cat poop sit on a rug for 2 months while I was pregnant refusing to help.
> 
> ...


I am sorry to hear about your problem. It seem your husband has not mature yet. Not working and a cat poop on the rug left for two months...I say your better off leaving. There are many men out there who are willing to be with you. If you insist, see if he can go for assistant.

We do not wear shoes in the house, let alone pets, well that's just our culture. Hang in there, some one will post and give better advise then I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I used to go to religious meetings, I know what they think about divorce. I think you are qualified for a divorce. He is abusive and disrespectful. He is sxxt. 

Do you work? 

Please run away from this man as soon as possible, you are only 26, you don't want your whole life to be like this. Sometimes we just hesitate too much. If you know you are not happy with this man, make your decision, and act fast, or you will just prolong your unhappy life. Your child will be better living away from a man like this. From the way you described him, he is just sxxt. Who wants to be near sxxt. They stink!!!!!!

If you can support yourself, do it now. If you are dependent on him, then maybe you should find a job first, endure for a little bit, just pretend nothing is happening. 

A child needs decent parents as his role models.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If anyone, religious or non-religious judges you for wanting out of this abusive relationship, it is they who are immoral. Do not worry about others & their judgements, they are not walking in your shoes. But it is vital to have someone to talk too, to help you figure out how to exit safely, with finances to help you get on your feet & emotional support as well, for yourself and the kids. 

Does he know you are feeling this way?


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

You're prejudging shelters because they have many resources for you to find help. You don't have to leave your home for them to help you. But I'm not sure you want to end your marriage. If you do really want the marriage to end, you would have to accept leaving is a possibility. After all, how will you get him to leave before a divorce decree says he must? A shelter can help you figure these things out. Also, you are the one who needs counseling, not him. You need someone to talk to and help you recover.


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## taylor78 (Sep 4, 2010)

Guys who have tempers are hard to deal with. Plus he's lazy and it seems like he's not committed to his family. He's very immature and you might be the victim of domestic violence someday so I suggest that you should divorce before things turn out worse. Search for a shelter and get some help before you lose control.


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## BlueEyedBeauty (Sep 27, 2010)

*
Back when my husband and me were dating- things were fine until the day I moved in with him- (All do to my mother making me move out at the age of 15 years old--long story) anyhow my husband use to be such a mommy's boy- he was still living with her at the age of 31 years old (back in 95) and whenever his mother and his sister were to do anything to me or even hit me in that matter he would not say anything to them- it was me who had to pay for their doing... I was also abused from him for a long time- even after we married each other six months later- Still 15 years old just about 16 at that time then. He would also break things, throw things, you pretty much name it. I was always the one in the wrong when it came to his loving mommy... She would not ever do any wrong in his eyes. He would not ever allow me to tell him that she was hitting me and telling me how she wishes her son never met me and that she will get him to leave me. 

I was abused for five years until I then had his Azz put into jail for the abuse I put up with it long enough- I also one time tried to take my life due to what he told me- all because he lied to me and gave his brother 500 dollars for crack. Lied to me for the longest time saying that his work short him on his check- his brother was drunk and forgot that I did not know about it and told my husband "I know I still owe you 400 dollars" I lost it due to the lies- all I said was "You lied to me and that was not nice to lie about when that was our money to go on our trip. I would not have been mad if you, told me about giving him money" next thing you know I was hit in the left ear- that was the last time I was hit by him- 

Well, then after that he had to go to classes and had to also spend the night in jail. I felt so bad for doing that. But why, would I stand for the abuse? I stuck with him and things now are better than ever- he has not ever hit me again in a long time here I am still married to him and it has been very good. 17 years of marriage with him. You, say you married your husband very young but that is not young at all. People marry younger than that- well, I even married younger than what you would normally hear. (15) like I said it was due to my mother and father and their lies all the two really wanted was my sister and 17 years later she is still there. Here I am the child that is very ill and dying they want nothing to do with me. 

You would be better off leaving your husband if you do not feel safe- also I would not put up with that crap of him looking at other females that right there is the same as cheating. Cheating is very wrong. When you are married or even dating someone you are to commit your whole self to that person not just part of yourself. You, have a whole heart and you would not just love them half- it is either all or none. Just like how people would say I love you, but I also love them- cannot even happen- they feel drawing toward the two people and it may feel like love but it isn't- you cannot love two people at once. 

Your husband sounds like a sex fen- Also he may want to try new things with you though and is why, he wants the mask thing done, I did not understand what you said about him saying you bought him underwear. That was all you said- so that I would have to say is not a big deal. The rest of it is. I myself have just opened up to my husband and let him know about some of the things I have always wanted to try while making love- and they are pretty deep. That does not make me a freak- like how you said your husband was cause he wanted the mask worn... He is a jerk though for being abusive. You need to move on*


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You sound like you have your mind made up. Don't tolerate this free-loader another day. Get the ball rollin. Go see an attorney. Find out what you need to do to get him out of the house. Ask about a restraining order.
This guy is doing NO ONE any good, not you and not his children. Take steps to get away from him, make sure you and the kids are safe.
Don't allow no one to guilt you into staying with this creep.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

tons of better men out there waiting for the chance to shower u with affection n love, based on what u have written, he's not worth it


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## tobeamiss (Jun 1, 2009)

he's causing much emotional abuse. Talk to a therapist who will also offer guidance and tell you how and what you should do to end the marriage. the house is yours and any judge will let you keep it since he is not working. Don't leave it. Once you do it may be harder than you know to get it back.
But most of all talk to a therapist first.
good luck to you.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Quote: After I had our son he started putting off sex. I'd advance he'd say "you want this or sleep" while touching me in a nasty way then rolling over.

I'd like to quote this part of your post, as it seems a taboo to hurt a man's pride in bed? (I could be wrong though) 

It's possible that he did desire you and he wanted to get intimacy with you, so he touched you in a nasty way to test your interest. When he became hesitating, probably because he was wishing to see a warm & hot response from you, he refused to continue his next steps with you.

It's also possible that "he thought" you're unhappy with him, so he rolled over. Then it soon proved to him he's right. "See? She got mad!" Actually, you only felt something wrong and you asked him, "You want this or sleep," (I know your actual meaning was, "Why did you stop? Try again and do it better...") But he somehow misinterpreted your words, "Look! She treated him like....!! and she told me to go ....myself...wtf..." 

So? Yes, he did go and fix himself in the bathroom... with a computer. 

From my understanding of your situation, you and your husband have different love languages which have caused lots of misunderstandings between you and him.

I guess he's the type of man who is pround and cares about his face very much and he doesn't know women languages. 

When he thought "you"made him feel shame and losing face, (In fact, he was the one misinterpreting your words. 

I feel you might want to find a better man who is more sensitive, caring and loving, who is able to understand you?

He's not really your type of man, although he does love you dramatically and he knows very well how to please you in bed only when you give him a warm response first; however, he also got as much hurt as you did... maybe you don't know...

You share different love languages and both have strong personalities.

You know, love & hates are two different sides of a coin. You hate him so much because you still long for his love that much. The problem is he doesn't know how to love you without hurting each other. 

Because of many misunderstandings, you both suffer; however, misunderstandings can be solved by learning good communication skills and you can still save your marriage but it's upto you. You can leave him for a better man. It's your right and it's your life.

Hope it helps! Good Luck!


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## smallvolume (Oct 22, 2010)

Sorry to hear the news. good luck!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I can only think of one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs: "Run Like Hell".


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Go now.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

I left an abusive husband also. I ended up having to leave the house bc he was a very powerful and successful man... your husband sounds like he is not. Find a lawyer and you may have to cut back on things for a while, but if he is not working I guess you have a job (which is a huge positive for you in this case). Stay at home moms have the hardest time leaving abusive husbands bc they are powerless... and if they stay in the home after abuse occurs its considered condoning the abuse... which is absurd! Get to a lawyer now. You are kind of in a fog, but you know what you are living with. A good lawyer will probably be able to keep you in the home and get him out. 

Another option is to call the police when he is abusive with you... then you can get a restraining order and start the divorce rolling. You will look like a responsible and pro-active parent, which the courts like to see. The longer you live with him after he was physical with you, the less likely you will be able to divorce on abuse grounds. You could try contstructive desertion bc it is considered unsafe for you or the children, but that would require you leaving temporarily. You have to substantiate this with hard proof as to why it is unsafe. A lawyer will be able to tell you.

Get photos of him in the bathroom doing his thing with the computer... copies of emails with the other women asking for underwear. Good luck! and {HUGS}


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Whether his ego was hurt or not, there is no excuse for behaviour like that. Absolutely rediculous. I agree with the others - you will be better off without that immature "man".


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