# Just an Update



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi All,

I haven't been around much because I needed to heal and get my mind right. I felt I was getting attacked because I wasn't as far along as some here felt I should be. So I took a break for a while. 

I am in very, very, very little contact with my STBXH through email only. We only speak briefly about my daughter's being picked up and I usually respond by text. I usually let his dad do the in-between stuff with us. But I am about to stop that as well.

Here's the thing....my in laws were always supportive of me. But a few months ago, they met my STBXH's new fiance. Even though we are getting divorced, I still feel betrayed by them for meeting her. I know he's their son but I have been their daughter in law for over a decade and she's the homewrecker. They haven't made her friends on social media yet though. My STBXH seems to have moved on without a care in the world. 

I was on FB and inadvertently saw a picture of him and her witha group of others all wearing matching shirts on some sort of trip for her job. It was a total fluke that I saw it as it wasn't on his or her page.....friend of a friend of a friend thing. It threw me for a loop because I've never seen him smiling in a pic with her before. That got my juices flowing so I looked around some more and they seem like the happiest couple in the world. I am afraid he is going to move across the country to be with her and leave our daughter in the wind. 

I'm actually feeling pretty good these days and that kinda stung. I enjoy not talking or hearing anything about them. It was hard at first but a peaceful few months since I started my version of NC.

I've been using this time away to heal and process how my life is going. I think the shock is wearing off finally. I have been reading a website that encourages the BS to leave the WS and it helps me stay focused. He's happy to be with his one true love and I am picking up the pieces of my life....but it will be a better life than what I had.

Anyway, just wanted to say Hi and let everyone know what's going on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In which Asia's ex shows himself to be what he really is. 

There was a film (sorry, movie  ) about the future after a nuclear war. There was a town where the people looked normal but they were wearing human masks, underneath they were mutated monsters.

And that, Asia, is what your ex is. Underneath his human mask, lurks a monster.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

MattMatt,

That is exactly how I see my STBXH and his final OW......fake humans, mutated monsters. Yeah it stung for a minute but I know he's struggling financially and has no choice but to take up with her. He had no one else that wanted him. And I bet she thinks she's better than me and won him. 

Waiting for the day he does it to her too. :smthumbup:


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Most definitely not attacking you. But, do you think if this bothered you, you are still not over him/situation? Or is it merely that you feel slighted by your X's parents? I learned the hard way that keeping in touch with the X's family was not healthy. In the end, blood really is thicker than water. If he moves away, I guess you cannot stop him. It would be a shame for your daughter. But, would you really want her spending time with him if he would be so willing to move so far away from her? Things have a way of coming around to those who cheat. All in due time


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was wondering the other day how you were, asia. 

I know how hard it can be to move on. Some days I felt all my mental energy was taken up with moving on. But I got there. And you will too. Think how very far you've come from the early days. You are a very different person now. Stronger and more confident. 

As for her? He will very likely break her heart one day. Serial cheaters rarely change. She'll find that out too.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

The ability to heal is a gift no one can take away from you. Just remember the scar for the next time and make sure you are no ones door mat ever again.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

toonaive said:


> Most definitely not attacking you. But, do you think if this bothered you, you are still not over him/situation? Or is it merely that you feel slighted by your X's parents? I learned the hard way that keeping in touch with the X's family was not healthy. In the end, blood really is thicker than water. If he moves away, I guess you cannot stop him. It would be a shame for your daughter. But, would you really want her spending time with him if he would be so willing to move so far away from her? Things have a way of coming around to those who cheat. All in due time


Hi TooNaive,

No I am not over him. I've loved him my entire adult life but I no longer want him. The pain I am dealing with isn't going away soon. The last D-Day was just last summer and no I don't feel you are attacking me and no longer wonder if I am keeping up with someone else's time frame for my own healing. Lol.

My in laws have always supported me and I know he will always be their son. It just hurts to know another woman who helped tank my marriage is now going to be the new daughter in law. But his family still likes and respects me.

Either he will move or she will move or they will break up. Right now, I guess everything is great because I am out of the picture and they can be open with their relationship. No more guilt and sneaking around. She is being treated with respect as his woman. And I have to just keep pushing along and healing myself, nothing more I can or want to do. She can HAVE HIM. I'm good with that but it still stings.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Openminded said:


> I was wondering the other day how you were, asia.
> 
> I know how hard it can be to move on. Some days I felt all my mental energy was taken up with moving on. But I got there. And you will too. Think how very far you've come from the early days. You are a very different person now. Stronger and more confident.
> 
> As for her? He will very likely break her heart one day. Serial cheaters rarely change. She'll find that out too.


Hi Openminded,

As long as I don't learn of anything, I am ok. That picture hurt but just have to keep my distance and the divorce process moving along. It makes me feel powerful that I am the one to dump him! His new fiance only has him because I got rid of him. He didn't leave me for her so she's getting my reject. Ha!


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

IIJokerII said:


> The ability to heal is a gift no one can take away from you. Just remember the scar for the next time and make sure you are no ones door mat ever again.


Hi Joker,

Believe it or not, I have turned into a complete arse when it comes to him. I wouldn't put him out if he was on fire. No more doormat for me. As much as it pains me to say this, I learned from the OW who blew the whole thing out of the water that the women who get respect are the ones men don't cross. If my STBXH had any sense, he would have never betrayed that one. I spent years hating her not knowing much about her but the way my husband bowed down to her AFTER she blew up our lives told me he respected those types of women. Not that I want his respect but I do want him to start seeing me as a strong and take no prisoners type of woman. That will make his regret in a few years of how he treated me even better.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

asia said:


> Hi Joker,
> 
> Believe it or not, *I have turned into a complete arse when it comes to him*. I wouldn't put him out if he was on fire. No more doormat for me. As much as it pains me to say this, I learned from the OW who blew the whole thing out of the water that the women who get respect are the ones men don't cross. If my STBXH had any sense, he would have never betrayed that one. I spent years hating her not knowing much about her but the way my husband bowed down to her AFTER she blew up our lives told me he respected those types of women. Not that I want his respect but *I do want him to start seeing me as a strong and take no prisoners type of woman.* That will make his regret in a few years of how he treated me even better.


Don't lose your sweetness. 

Don't let a snake change you.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Glad you're doing better. 

No one knows better than you what kind of pos OW is getting so take pity on her.

As for your in laws, it's a difficult situation for them. If she's going to be in his life they'll have to deal with that if they want their son, but maybe it might make you smile to know that if they like and respect you and are willing to have you around it will drive OW batsh!t crazy. You'll always be threatening to her because she's marrying a cheater. You want to get at her? Be extra nice to him when she's around, then be a b!tch when it's just him. Have some fun with it.

As for your daughter, there's nothing you can do besides be a great mother to her. If your ex moves that's on him, you can tell your daughter that he had other priorities and as she gets older he can explain himself to her. Resist the urge to trash him though, even though he deserves it, because your daughter will figure out what's going on and will respect you for keeping your head high.


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