# disability destroying us



## BBctX06450 (May 23, 2012)

When my wife and I met we were two peas in a pod, both hard workers, travelers, and played hard too. She was and is the family type with a wild side, and i balanced us being the wild child with a slight mature when needed reserve. That all changed drastically five years ago. I was rendered physically disabled. I drove her nuts in the first two years, having adhd, taking what needs to be taken for horrible pain, and being the half that was always on the go now forced to be slower than a snail set a new standard for how much we aggrevatted eachother, how often too. If there is anyone out there who didn't know how to begin to open up because they were never the type to do so, or didn't even know where to begin with whats going on......Humph..I wish someone would listen and tell it straight, not only have I become a literal prisoner to my feet in my home but now my wife is so worried about my safety i have become ( i hate to state this) i feel like a prisoner to her too probably all because I do not share enough self insight with her, but sometimes i feel that she is taking out what my disabling accident did to her plans out on me. ummm...yeah...glad i'm not a heavy drinker, though my pm makes that impossible...anyone wanting to listen advise opinionate is welcome


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what's the disorder?

My wife has MS and thankfully it isn't very debilitating yet but it's scary to imagine what could happen and I admit to not handling it very well at first. (I ignored it thinking if I showed her it didn't matter then she would feel better about it)

It's important to note that we as humans aren't mind readers and if you can't share your fears or hopes or thoughts then your spouse won't know the full extent of the truth that faces them. Adversity can either tear apart your bond or make it stronger. But it will almost certainly be torn apart of you can't at least share with each other and hold in your emotions, desires and thoughts.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You can always talk to us here. You and your wife are confronting a huge life issue, it's no wonder that it's taken a toll on your relationship.

I hate to sound like a broken record, but are you in any kind of counseling? You've suffered a very great loss and who can wonder if you are having some bumps along the road to adjustment.

All best wishes to you, keep talking.


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## Feisty53 (May 27, 2012)

My H and I have more than our fair share of medical problems. I am a type1 diabetic with some pretty nasty complications, he has had 5 back surgeries, the last resulting in a fusion and is in chronic pain, a heart attack, with 2 angioplasties. We weathered these storms together, and were made stronger as a couple . Now, he has had several strokes, His personality has changed; his "bad" personality traits have magnified and his good ones are in serious retreat. He is wallowing in self pity, sufferers from major depression, and when he gets mad at himself, he instantly gets angry and throws the blame on me. We went to counselling, and he quit when it got too up in his face and required him to make changes. I sympathize with both of you.. this wasn't what she signed up for, and you both have to be able to mourn the loss of what your relationship was. On very rare occassions, my husband would talk to me about his feelings, and I would talk about mine, but it always seems to come back to him minimizing my pain to the extent that it doesn't matter, because it happened to him and he is the only one entitled to any pain. Please, both of you, get some counselling on how to deal with these feelings. Physical trauma would be easy for me to deal with, we have been doing it for years. Living with someone who has a brain injury is the worst. If he was when I married him as he is today, mentally and emotionally, I would have never even given him a second look, so it is alot to handle. I wish you both well.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Feisty53 said:


> My H and I have more than our fair share of medical problems. I am a type1 diabetic with some pretty nasty complications, he has had 5 back surgeries, the last resulting in a fusion and is in chronic pain, a heart attack, with 2 angioplasties. We weathered these storms together, and were made stronger as a couple . Now, he has had several strokes, His personality has changed; his "bad" personality traits have magnified and his good ones are in serious retreat. He is wallowing in self pity, sufferers from major depression, and when he gets mad at himself, he instantly gets angry and throws the blame on me. We went to counselling, and he quit when it got too up in his face and required him to make changes. I sympathize with both of you.. this wasn't what she signed up for, and you both have to be able to mourn the loss of what your relationship was. On very rare occassions, my husband would talk to me about his feelings, and I would talk about mine, but it always seems to come back to him minimizing my pain to the extent that it doesn't matter, because it happened to him and he is the only one entitled to any pain. Please, both of you, get some counselling on how to deal with these feelings. Physical trauma would be easy for me to deal with, we have been doing it for years. Living with someone who has a brain injury is the worst. If he was when I married him as he is today, mentally and emotionally, I would have never even given him a second look, so it is alot to handle. I wish you both well.


Strokes can rewire someone. I saw it in my MIL. She suddely went from a lovely woman to a tyrant. But a couple of years later another stroke re-established her better personality, yet took her ability to walk.


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