# What comes first, sex, or help with the dishes.



## starburst (Jan 19, 2012)

Seriously, I always hear, help with this, help with that, then maybe sex could happen. You know women, the possible answer to this could be, do us and do us amazingly, and maybe you won't even have to ask to have the dishes done. I don't want it if so many nights of dishes have to be done before I get lucky. I am done with that game and don't understand why dishes come before sex, versus, sex comes before dishes.


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## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

the solution, sex while doing the dishes


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Maybe if you just helped out around the house, sex would come more often...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Help without needing to be asked. I'm doubtful it's actually to do with the dishes and more about her feeling you are considering her. I'm not of the mind that sex needs to be "earned" but there is often a correlation between how one feels emotionally in the relationship and how that links to sex. 

Get a dishwasher.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Women aren't stupid....we men are!

Imagine;

Him; (starting to come on to her a bit)... 'Darling, you look lovely...' he comes up behind her and starts massaging her neck and shoulders...
Her: 'Ohhhh! Honey!!....Who's a big boy then??!! (feeling his growing erection against her) Why don't you empty the dishwasher whilst I go upstairs and get ready.. ;-)

What will the husband do? Tell her to pi$$ off??!!!!!

The dishwasher will be emptied before she even gets to the bedroom door!

No question - DISHES come first!


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I love the fact that there is only one option for the male in your poll.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Sex trumps dishes every day in this house...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

nicky1 said:


> the solution, sex while doing the dishes


Best post of the day
:lol:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I have my children wash the dishes(dinner only). I voted sex before dishes. 

Housework is not my hubby's favorite thing to do, I do not ever expect him to help in this area. However, he does all the grocery and supply shopping. He helps with the kids with homework, baths, play time, ect... 

In return of sex, I get cuddle time, which he also truly enjoys himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It depends on more information. If your wife is just wanting you to help out around the house so that she feels appreciated, then you need to help out in order to have sex. If your wife has a list of priorities with household chores 1-50 and sex is #51, right after folding the socks, so that sex never happens if there are any chores that could possibly be done, then she doesn't understand how important sex is to you. To her, sex is as important as you find doing the dishes to be. If that's the case, you need to get her to understand that you need more.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Been this route and no pun intended but this s*cks!!!

Just had a discussion this past weekend with my wife about this very subject. Her take on it is she can tell when I want sex because I step up the chores and then expect her to put out. Unfortunately, I informed her that she is wrong - I step up my helping out because I care and see her exhausted from the day and just try to help out without any expectation of reward of sex. 




All I got back was a stare and crickets.......

I did say I do have an expectation of sex regularly because we're married and we love each other...not to mention its fun!!!



Yep - more crickets...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

starburst said:


> Seriously, I always hear, help with this, help with that, then maybe sex could happen. You know women, the possible answer to this could be, do us and do us amazingly, and maybe you won't even have to ask to have the dishes done. I don't want it if so many nights of dishes have to be done before I get lucky. I am done with that game and don't understand why dishes come before sex, versus, sex comes before dishes.


You are married to an "Acts of Service " woman.... helping them around the house makes them feel "loved".....just the way they "think". I can not relate to this at all, that is so boring to me, that is not how to get me in bed, or turn up the heat. 

Years ago, my husband read something online about this and he was trying to help me around the house more , yeah, doing those dishes I guess, I was working at night, I had NO idea what so ever what was on his mind, didn't do a darn thing for him..... when he told me this yrs later, I just laughed at him cause that is NOT the way to my libido whatsoever. I need the man to come on to me, flirt with me, show some physical need, not do my silly dishes, I told him he read the wrong darn article to get me panting for him. 

Although I am annoyed when my house is not in order, this is true, I can't sleep with dirty dishes in my sink or an umkempt house, but I never need my husband's help or ask for it. Only if I had the stomach flu or surgery would he need to step up & he always does. We don't have a Dishwasher either, never wanted one & our house is full of kids. Never bothered me doing all of these things & in a whiz. 

I'd much prefer him be flirty, touchy feely and....if I am doing the dishes, come up behind me and rub himself against me, now that makes me smille real big & looking forward to getting upstairs, but I never need his help....just his seductive attention, makes me want to work a little faster. 

I have a friend who is "Acts of Service", all she did was complain her husband never helped around the house - and he couldn't understand her, she couldn't understand him, his #1 love language appeared to be Physical Touch, (she didn't like all that affection, it seemed to annoy her) they both needed to "give" more to each other, compromise some (I didn't know about all of these Love Languages back then)......since neither wanted to give to the other in any way-but complain.... they ended up in a zillion silent treatment fights, then eventually got a divorce cause the resentment was so built up.

Gotta be in tune with each others languages and just DO for them , even if you can't understand it .


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

All too often 'housework' has been defined as household chores stereotypically associated with women - cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. But housework also includes sorting garbage [now a major chore with various categories of blue bags, compost, corragated cardboard, metals, batteries, CFLs [compact flourescent lightbulbs] etc. all having there separate categories which need to be followed to avoid the dreaded red sticker at the curb. Add lawn mowing, painting inside and outside, fixing things etc. and there are many stereotypical household chores associated with men.

Of course, men can cook, clean, do laundry, dishes etc. etc. and women can paint, mow the lawn, wash the car, build a deck etc.

What matters is that the couple share the chores. The man shouldn't be lazing in a chair all the time and neither should a woman. Where both work outside the home, chores should be shared down the middle - without trying to get too picky, technical and precise. Where one works inside the home - stay-at-home dads and moms - both partners presumably are working during the day and both are entitled to some R&R afterwards, but both have the responsibility to do the rest of the chores, help the kids with their homework and a billion other things.

Hopefully, the couple can try to make sex with each other rank fairly high on the list.

Unfortunately, marital sex often becomes the victim of exhaustion.


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## starburst (Jan 19, 2012)

DanF said:


> Maybe if you just helped out around the house, sex would come more often...


Oh I do, I have a clean nazi for a wife that cannot let her mind at ease until all 3200 sq ft are crystal clean weekly.


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## starburst (Jan 19, 2012)

uphillbattle said:


> I love the fact that there is only one option for the male in your poll.


My appologies, first time I did a poll, my first vote ended up being the title.


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## starburst (Jan 19, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> You are married to an "Acts of Service " woman.... helping them around the house makes them feel "loved".....just the way they "think". I can not relate to this at all, that is so boring to me, that is not how to get me in bed, or turn up the heat.
> 
> Years ago, my husband read something online about this and he was trying to help me around the house more , yeah, doing those dishes I guess, I was working at night, I had NO idea what so ever what was on his mind, didn't do a darn thing for him..... when he told me this yrs later, I just laughed at him cause that is NOT the way to my libido whatsoever. I need the man to come on to me, flirt with me, show some physical need, not do my silly dishes, I told him he read the wrong darn article to get me panting for him.
> 
> ...


I have that book, I think I will blow the dust off of it. I think mine was for kids though. Yeah here, everything good I do basicly gets dropped in a bucket, once it is full I get a reward. To me, that gets old, just once in awhile, I would like a reward for the hell of it, I would then fill the bucket ten fold, but instead, around we go. She is very anal about the house appearance, her mind goes faster than she can, so it is a constant stress out battle, she is working on that


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

starburst said:


> My appologies, first time I did a poll, my first vote ended up being the title.


Don't be sorry. I actualy found it realistic, in most cases men are left with 1 or no choices lol.


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## starburst (Jan 19, 2012)

Powerbane said:


> Been this route and no pun intended but this s*cks!!!
> 
> Just had a discussion this past weekend with my wife about this very subject. Her take on it is she can tell when I want sex because I step up the chores and then expect her to put out. Unfortunately, I informed her that she is wrong - I step up my helping out because I care and see her exhausted from the day and just try to help out without any expectation of reward of sex.
> 
> ...


crickets? ROFLOL!!!! 
I also do it to help her anxiety and tiredness, but all that aside, its all about filling up her love bucket, once it is full, sex is on the agenda. What about my love bucket? I think in most marraiges it works this way. The mans bucket is nothing like the womans. Mine gets full each time she tears me up sexually, INSTANT FULL, then after that it begins to empty when the normal everyday stressful **** happens, then sex, full again. Not trying to be typical ass, but i think that is how it is with most marraiges. If you have this figured out, you do not have a cricket problem...congrats.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

The more a man does about the house, the less sex there will be, both in quality and quantity. The more he does, the less she respects him... and complains about him.

We are expected to turn ourselves inside out, give up things that we love like music, all for the diminishing marginal returns of MAYBE someday she'll reawaken her interest in sex. 

Someday we gonna rise up. But today it's only individual men rising up... a generation bred to be 'nice guys' who have no personal needs, no emotions... just work work work work work, go to marriage counselling to prolong the marriage, and then (statistically) die first. 

Could Bernstein, or Brahms for that matter, have been anything but gay? We men must find ourselves. Dishes will earn us nothing but contempt.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Hire a maid to the dishes.

Hire an escort to give you sex.

Your wife obviously feels that both are Jobs. No reason in the world not to subcontract out the work.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Zhopa - I disagree, personally.

My hubby helps with dishes, cleaning, caring for our pets, laundry, cooking, etc. He likes helping out and I appreciate him for it. He gets laid whenever he wants because he is also working and supporting us both. (I'm pregnant with complications - not lazy).

Then again, I've never been one to let anything come between us and intimacy... I have to admit, I don't "get" women who need every chore to be done before they can role over and have some fun!

His needs; my needs are more important than any dang dishes any day. We'll get to them when we're done! LoL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Hire a maid to the dishes.
> 
> Hire an escort to give you sex.
> 
> Your wife obviously feels that both are Jobs. No reason in the world not to subcontract out the work.


ROFL, I suppose thats one way to attack the problem.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Then again, I've never been one to let anything come between us and intimacy... I have to admit, I don't "get" women who need every chore to be done before they can role over and have some fun!
> 
> His needs; my needs are more important than any dang dishes any day. We'll get to them when we're done! LoL!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is why he does them with a smile on his face.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

I never understand women who use this reward system foolishness. I can cook, clean, do laundry, iron, make bed, better than most women, why? My mother made sure of it. She never wanted her son growing needing to rely on a woman to take care of him. So I wish a woman i'm with would tell me that, you'd be on the next thing smoking. I help because I want to help, not to get sex, now you should want to have sex too because, last I checked, i'm not the only one in love here, and it's a physical expression of such. So I dare my woman to say some mess like that....would be the first and last time. The nerve.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The solution: kids. Then they can do the dishes while you have sex.

Happened more than once in our house over the years!!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Why is it "help" with the dishes? That implies the onus is on her to do them and you are just helping. It's an attitude like that that is off putting to us women....at least to me. 
Dishes come first. What if I wanted to screw in the kitchen. Cutlery and glasses could be a hazard!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Zhopa said:


> The more a man does about the house, the less sex there will be, both in quality and quantity. The more he does, the less she respects him... and complains about him.
> 
> We are expected to turn ourselves inside out, give up things that we love like music, all for the diminishing marginal returns of MAYBE someday she'll reawaken her interest in sex.
> 
> ...


No, your attitude earns you nothing but contempt. Your entire post is a bucket of ice water in my pants.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why is it "help" with the dishes? That implies the onus is on her to do them and you are just helping. It's an attitude like that that is off putting to us women....at least to me.
> Dishes come first. What if I wanted to screw in the kitchen. Cutlery and glasses could be a hazard!


People are so interesting. A simple word like "help" means one thing to you and yet when my wife asks what she can do to help me with the dishes, I take to mean that she wants to work together to get the job done. This is not to say that you are wrong, but rather to point out that people bring their own perspectives to communication. It is important to remember that when communicating with your spouse.

For my wife, I have figured out it is how you get the dishes done that matters. Do it to be nice with the expectation that she will take care of me gets me exactly no where. She senses it, and it does not matter how much work I do around the house - she will not be interested. Jumping in to do the dishes (or anything else) with the idea that it is getting stuff done together so that we can both relax, and let's just say that she is very attracted to that.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Tall Average Guy said:


> People are so interesting. A simple word like "help" means one thing to you and yet when my wife asks what she can do to help me with the dishes, I take to mean that she wants to work together to get the job done. This is not to say that you are wrong, but rather to point out that people bring their own perspectives to communication. It is important to remember that when communicating with your spouse.
> 
> For my wife, I have figured out it is how you get the dishes done that matters. Do it to be nice with the expectation that she will take care of me gets me exactly no where. She senses it, and it does not matter how much work I do around the house - she will not be interested. Jumping in to do the dishes (or anything else) with the idea that it is getting stuff done together so that we can both relax, and let's just say that she is very attracted to that.


You sir have a fantastic attitude! Your last part is spot on and I would say any man here who adopts this way of thinking is going to improve his marriage in spades.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Life is short.... dishes can wait. It's not a trade-off, no one "owes" anyone anything.... it just is.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I can answer "none of the above." I don't say, "Ok..I've done the dishes, now reward me!" I help her for several reasons:
1. We both work and we need to share the housework.
2. I like a clean house too.
3. One of her love languages is acts of service so it is a way that I say, "I love you."
Of course, showing her love is a great way for her to want to have sex with me, so I guess the sex is a great by-product!!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> You are married to an "Acts of Service " woman.... helping them around the house makes them feel "loved".....just the way they "think". I can not relate to this at all, that is so boring to me, that is not how to get me in bed, or turn up the heat.
> 
> Years ago, my husband read something online about this and he was trying to help me around the house more , yeah, doing those dishes I guess, I was working at night, I had NO idea what so ever what was on his mind, didn't do a darn thing for him..... when he told me this yrs later, I just laughed at him cause that is NOT the way to my libido whatsoever. I need the man to come on to me, flirt with me, show some physical need, not do my silly dishes, I told him he read the wrong darn article to get me panting for him.
> 
> ...


Very true. It has to be her thing. If "acts of service" had been my x wife's thing, I would have had wild sex every night!:rofl: I cooked, cleaned, etc. without being asked, but it just didn't turn her on like some articles would lead us men to believe.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

southbound said:


> Very true. It has to be her thing. If "acts of service" had been my x wife's thing, I would have had wild sex every night!:rofl: I cooked, cleaned, etc. without being asked, but it just didn't turn her on like some articles would lead us men to believe.


Maybe what she really wanted were gifts. Or maybe she just wanted to you spend time with her. The thing about needs is that they are different for each person. That's why it's important to find out what the spouse wants. Sometimes we just assume the wrong thing.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I can't answer the post because the choice I need isn't there.

"Get the chores out of the way, then it's sexy time!"


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## andeypandy (Jan 19, 2012)

If you help a woman around the house two things happen:
1. It shows her that you care which makes her feel closer to you
2. It leaves less work for her, which means she is less tired.

If she is less tired and she feels closer to you, you get more sex.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> ...it's important to find out what the spouse wants. Sometimes we just assume the wrong thing.


Maybe she just wants to complain.

A mistake I'm working on, is that I always tried to fix things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zhopa said:


> Maybe she just wants to complain.
> 
> A mistake I'm working on, is that I always tried to fix things.


You know.. some people do prefer to complain, and yell and be mean. Subconsciously they think it give them power so they will not give it up. They will not give up the anger and the hurt because it feeds the power.


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## Zhopa (Jan 18, 2012)

Good insight Elegirl... applies to us both. So I have to get over my anger... if I'm angry I have learnt to get over it by doing something creative.

Not all of us have creative outlets.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Choreplay


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

andeypandy said:


> If you help a woman around the house two things happen:
> 1. It shows her that you care which makes her feel closer to you
> 2. It leaves less work for her, which means she is less tired.
> 
> If she is less tired and she feels closer to you, you get more sex.


Life would be so much easier if this was actualy a true statment.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You sir have a fantastic attitude! Your last part is spot on and I would say any man here who adopts this way of thinking is going to improve his marriage in spades.


I adopted it a long time ago and your are dead wrong.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

uphillbattle said:


> I adopted it a long time ago and your are dead wrong.


His point was that it's the spirit in which things are done. If they are done with a "I loaded the dishwasher, get naked" that isn't going to fly with most people. If however you take on chores because that's what partners do, the outcome is very different.


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## NeverAgain12 (Jan 15, 2012)

bright eyes, i think he gets it and the concept may resonate with you, but he's saying that no matter what he does his wife will not put out.

I never realized how many LD men there are until I started reading this forum, and it makes me want to smack them silly for not realizing what they've got. But face it, there are a lot of women who will never admit they are done with sex, it has no priority, and is pure drudgery for them. I personally think having children and going into mommy-mode is a life-altering experience for a percentage of women, and that woman you married is gone forever.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> His point was that it's the spirit in which things are done. If they are done with a "I loaded the dishwasher, get naked" that isn't going to fly with most people. If however you take on chores because that's what partners do, the outcome is very different.


There are people, both male and female, who do not respond in the way we would think they should.

There are both men and women who, no matter how sexual, loving, giving, and hardworking their spouses are ... will mistreat their spouse, cheat on him/her, etc.

Some people are so self focused that they do not see anything outside themself.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

*!*

Let's have a show of hands as to how many guys looked really attractive to their wives by how they push a vacuum or do the dishes!

LOL


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I call it "Wife Porn".

I have many pics of Hubs doing chores around the house. Topless. Rawr. 

My fave is the one in his jeans and his tool belt.

Sexay shet.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

*Re: !*



Conrad said:


> Let's have a show of hands as to how many guys looked really attractive to their wives by how they push a vacuum or do the dishes!
> 
> LOL



Being a good "mother's little helper" is not going to light the sexual fires.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

*Re: !*



BigBadWolf said:


> Being a good "mother's little helper" is not going to light the sexual fires.


And how many manipulative pusillanimous "niceguys" think that "oh, if I help her, she won't be as tired and THEN I'll GET WHAT I WANT"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: !*



Conrad said:


> And how many manipulative pusillanimous "niceguys" think that "oh, if I help her, she won't be as tired and THEN I'll GET WHAT I WANT"


Do you work 24/7 at your job? Or do you get time off to go home every day and on weekends? 

If your wife is a SAHM, how many evenings and weekends does she get off and get to do absolutely no work at all?


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

*Re: !*



Conrad said:


> And how many manipulative pusillanimous "niceguys" think that "oh, if I help her, she won't be as tired and THEN I'll GET WHAT I WANT"


Exactly. A man who tries to manipulate a woman for sex is just as guilty as a woman doing the same.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

*Re: !*



Conrad said:


> Let's have a show of hands as to how many guys looked really attractive to their wives by how they push a vacuum or do the dishes!
> 
> LOL


Well, my H has done both of these in the buff and he looked pretty doggone attractive.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: !*



Enchantment said:


> Well, my H has done both of these in the buff and he looked pretty doggone attractive.


Now there is a site worth taking a gander at!!! :smthumbup:


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

*Re: !*



Conrad said:


> And how many manipulative pusillanimous "niceguys" think that "oh, if I help her, she won't be as tired and THEN I'll GET WHAT I WANT"


That is a great word - "pusillanimous" - btw. I had to look it up. 

It's not the helping bit that is off - it's the expectation part that is off.

Being able to do things without having to be told to do them and with no expectation of return is usually more attractive - it shows you are decisive, a take charge kind of guy, and that you care.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: !*



Enchantment said:


> That is a great word - "pusillanimous" - btw. I had to look it up.
> 
> It's not the helping bit that is off - it's the expectation part that is off.
> 
> Being able to do things without having to be told to do them and with no expectation of return is usually more attractive - it shows you are decisive, a take charge kind of guy, and that you care.


:iagree: I think this is what a lot of the guys here are not getting. It's about a complete attitude, not a exchange of services.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

*Being able to do things without having to be told to do them*

Yikes.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I thought about this today.

I guess Hubs and I just take care of our own shet. We are responsible for different things, so everything gets done. We don't flake or cast our duties aside (lolll duties)....

Anyhoo, this allows our household to flow pretty well. I never worry if he got his shet done nor does he worry if i did mine, because we always do. If we can't, we ask for help, but it's rare that ever happens.

In allowing things to flow so well, it just naturally leaves time before bed for lovin'.  It's almost like our good night kiss. We hang out together for a couple hours after the kids go to bed, and then we go to bed and play around before sleep.

It's not because he helps ME...it's becuase he just takes care of business, same as I do.


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## Debbie Roxs (Dec 30, 2011)

The reason I voted dishes first is because it will give me more time to relax. Women tend to think about everything at once and getting all the things that need to be done allows me to get in the mood. Men on the other hand can usually focus on one thing at a time more easily.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

*Re: !*



EleGirl said:


> :iagree: I think this is what a lot of the guys here are not getting.


Not just guys. 

Read the OP, his wife is the one dangling that carrot.




> It's about a complete attitude, not a exchange of services.


Could not agree more.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

In the 'olden days' men were the hunter gatherers and women the home builders.

We still have those genes...men go out to earn the money, chop the firewood etc while the women stay at home looking after the children, cleaning and cooking.

Do to evolution caused by economics, higher expectations, progress (?) etc it is perfectly normal for both couples to work full time or part-time. We all want 2 cars, laptop, overseas holidays etc etc.

However there is still a division of labour ('chores') that need doing to keep the house/family unit together.
I see it as a pie chart...on the left the husbands responsibilities (mowing the grass, chopping the wood, getting the car serviced etc), on the right the wifes responsibilities (doing the shopping, baking birthday cakes etc) and in the middle the things that BOTH can do...earn the money, do the washing up etc etc
The division of 'labour' needs to be fluid... wife delayed picking the children up from school so the husband does the shopping on the way home etc.

What should not happen is that one person uses a 'task' as a carrot or a stick.

Too many women (sorry) tend to regard sex as a 'task'...a chore. Because, in general, the mans libido is higher than the wifes she will (subconsciously) trade.

As a man, I will accept that when I buy my wife flowers etc I do it because I know my wife likes receiving them, they brighten up the house but also because I hope she will feel closer to me and so want to be intimate with me.
Sadly despite all the flowers, manning up, etc my wife sees sex as a 'chore' to far so has no interest.

But I'll bet you most men buy flowers, wine and dine, help more around the house etc because at the back of their minds is the hope that they will get laid in return!!!!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

*Re: !*



BigBadWolf said:


> Being a good "mother's little helper" is not going to light the sexual fires.


I agree, and would add that being an adult who takes responsibility does help light the fires.

As I noted, when I quit expecting anything from it, and did stuff because it was the adult thing to do, my wife took notice. Coupled with other changes I made, I became more attractive. It quit being manipulative (I help with dishes and you give me sex) and acting like a child (having "mommy" tell me what to do), and became two adults working together toward a common goal (taking care of our home). 

That attitude was attractive to my wife. It was the attitude of a man who takes on his responsibilities.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

*Re: !*



Tall Average Guy said:


> It was the attitude of a man who takes on his responsibilities.


Agreed 100 percent.

It is confusion to many men, but it really is this simple.

1. Helping with the dishes because he was nagged, or bribing for sex, or any otherwise falling into a mother/boy position, is not good. 

2. Helping with the dishes because he recognized they needed doing (for whatever reason) and taking upon himself to do them from his own decision, is very good. :smthumbup:

When a man really gets this, he see it is not so much about doing the dishes at all.


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