# I need your sincere input



## Meteorite

My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


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## bobert

Meteorite said:


> My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


Step 1: Learn how to communicate. 

The silent treatment is incredibly immature. Letting it go on for MONTHS? Then acting like nothing happened? Yeah, I wouldn't talk to you either.


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## BeyondRepair007

@Meteorite Welcome to TAM. 
You and your husband have let this wall of silence grow between you and now it seems impenetrable. It is not, but one of you has to take the first step and be persistent to break through it.

I suspect cultural issues are playing into this, so I don’t have much advice except “talk to him”

Best of luck to you!


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## BigDaddyNY

No communication for 4 months? You both pretty much abandoned the marriage.


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## frenchpaddy

trying to live with just phone contact is not easy , 
i have been in your shoes in that for a time we both lived in different countries and know how easy it is to pick up some thing wrong when talking on the phone ,
but you cut him off and each time he tried to call you still cut him off , you put him out of your life and only went back to him on some other issue.


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## Meteorite

bobert said:


> Step 1: Learn how to communicate.
> 
> The silent treatment is incredibly immature. Letting it go on for MONTHS? Then acting like nothing happened? Yeah, I wouldn't talk to you either.


Thank you , I do appreciate, but I hope your are not speaking from a male perspective ?


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## BeyondRepair007

Meteorite said:


> Thank you , I do appreciate, but I hope your are not speaking from a male perspective ?


That’s a curious response. What would “male perspective” have to do with this? Do you only want female input?


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## frenchpaddy

it might explain why they are not talking


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## Mr.Married

My thinking would be: She thinks this little topic she contacts me about must be more important than our relationship.

The entire ordeal is immature on both of your sides. If you will be that far apart then communicating needs to be your strength not your weakness.


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## Meteorite

BeyondRepair007 said:


> That’s a curious response. What would “male perspective” have to do with this? Do you only want female input?


Oh, I am sorry, just trying to downplay the situation . Thanks for your input , I do really appreciate


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## Diceplayer

Meteorite said:


> Oh, I am sorry, just trying to downplay the situation . Thanks for your input , I do really appreciate


If you are trying to downplay the issue then why are you here? Giving your husband the silent treatment was childish. If my wife did that to me, I would drop her for someone more mature. You screwed up. Now you’re paying the consequences.


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## Meteorite

Diceplayer said:


> If you are trying to downplay the issue then why are you here? Giving your husband the silent treatment was childish. If my wife did that to me, I would drop her for someone more mature. You screwed up. Now you’re paying the consequences.


Sorry it is Just my wrong such of words, I mean I am really kind of trying to be calm despite the situation.


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## LisaDiane

Meteorite said:


> My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


I am female.

I am not sure what you are asking...what should you do about what...?

In my opinion, you are fully in the wrong here. You hung up on him and then refused to answer his messages, and then took TWO MONTHS to finally message him?? How does that show you care about your marriage or your husband? Why should HE care about you or your marriage when you clearly don't?

I would not be married to someone who treated me the way you treated your husband. If your husband came here and posted about your situation, everyone would be telling him to end the marriage and find someone who would be a mature and caring partner to him...because that is not how YOU appear to be at all.


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## LisaDiane

Meteorite said:


> Sorry it is Just my wrong such of words, I mean I am really kind of trying to be calm despite the situation.


YOU created this situation....why did it take you FOUR MONTHS to care about his feelings?


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## EleGirl

My take on this is that you made a huge mistake going silent on your husband for so long. My suggestion is that you write him an email/letter and tell him that you apologize for going silent, that you want your marriage to get back on track, and ask if he is willing to work to repair the damage that has been done.


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## Tdbo

LisaDiane said:


> YOU created this situation....why did it take you FOUR MONTHS to care about his feelings?


I must have missed the part where she said anything about caring about his feelings.
She appears to be more concerned about her relationship with her sister being jammed up over her dereliction of communication with her husband.


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## Tdbo

EleGirl said:


> My take on this is that you made a huge mistake going silent on your husband for so long. My suggestion is that you write him an email/letter and tell him that you apologize for going silent, that you want your marriage to get back on track, and ask if he is willing to work to repair the damage that has been done.


I think that if she is serious, she needs to take it one step further.
She needs to outline to him what SHE is willing to do to clean up the mess she has made, and the work she is willing to do to correct her malfunction(s) which lead to this.
Four months is about 1/3 the legal requirement for abandonment in most jurisdictions.


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## SunCMars

Silence, initially causes concern in the one ignored.
Concern leads to, maybe introspection, even panic. 
Then to painful thoughts, to tinnitus, to intentional deafness.

We know that loud noises, do indeed, hurt.
We should know that being ignored hurts from the lack of being recognized. 

The thing about silence is that it can easily be mimicked.
When you ignore, you get ignored. It can be permanent.

The easiest way to lose a friend or lover is to ignore them.
Silence inspires the wildest of thoughts, all of them negative ones.

We find that love, in touch, and in hearing.
Withholding either, leads to reciprocal behavior.

It is not only that our ears, do long for those missing sounds, those acknowledging words, it is our resounding pride that suffers.
Ignore those, loving others, at your own peril, all ego's need that soothing, and soft worded, stroking.

Tell me you love me, and I hear you.
Delivering me that extended silence, tells me the opposite.

Long periods of silence tells me you have no need of me.
Can you hear me?

It is well known that ignoring someone is a loud message, often meant, a form of punishment.
There is no reading between the lines, when no lines of communication exist.


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## Teacherwifemom

So let me ask, you also kept your husband from speaking to his children during this time? If so, that’s inexcusable and unforgivable in my world. If my husband didn’t speak to me or respond to me for 2 months he would no longer be my husband because that displays a ridiculous amount of hated for one’s spouse. A day, maybe. This is actually really unusual behavior, so unfortunately I have idea what you can do after this much marital damage. Apologize, get therapy and let him move on comes to mind.


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## Nico_Jacobs

Meteorite said:


> My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


Wow! This is difficult to truly help you with as there are clearly missing pieces to your issue. I understand arguments and needing time to cool off, but this doesn’t add up. No matter how serious the argument was, going days, weeks, months without contact is unfathomable. This forum is filled with people that would love to help, but I really would need more details as to how it got this bad. Can you fill in the blanks for us?


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## Gabriel

I'd think after so much time not talking, you'd want to offer an olive branch instead of a mundane text. I'd be offended in his shoes and probably return the favor you gave him also. I mean, you ignored many of his messages, but expect him to respond?


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## Frankie J

Meteorite said:


> My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


Communication if there’s no communication there will never be a solution . 
Ignoring each other solves nothing.
You mentioned you have children do whatever you can to make this work for the children’s sake. 
If you can’t get it over as quickly as possible as friendly as possible


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## Meteorite

Nico_Jacobs said:


> Wow! This is difficult to truly help you with as there are clearly missing pieces to your issue. I understand arguments and needing time to cool off, but this doesn’t add up. No matter how serious the argument was, going days, weeks, months without contact is unfathomable. This forum is filled with people that would love to help, but I really would need more details as to how it got this bad. Can you fill in the blanks for us?


 Thank you so much. But what blanks do you make reference to, I will be glad to answer any question


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## BigDaddyNY

Meteorite said:


> Thank you so much. But what blanks do you make reference to, I will be glad to answer any question


Part of what is confusing me is the time you went without contact. 

Has it really been 4 months since you spoke to him at all?

You ghosted him for 2 full months then your first contact is to ask him about a totally unrelated topic. Is that correct? He didn't respond and you waited another whole month to respond, correct?

Has he had any contact with his children in that time?

Are you in love with your husband and is this an arranged marriage? Also, how long "married" and how many kids? BTW, I put married in quotes, because you are in no way acting like a married person as I know it. 

None of this really makes sense. How in the world could you be so cold and uncaring about your husband and the father of your children that you are able to go 2 months without even reaching out to him. My wife and I would be totally off the deep end if we don't hear from each other for 24 hours, I can't fathom months. I would assume you were dead. Then you care so little that you reinitiate contact with some kind of mundane topic. And again, you care so little for him that you waited another month. I'm sorry, but you sound like a cold hearted *****. If I were your husband I would have been done with you too after you blew him off for 3 days.


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## Evinrude58

Meteorite said:


> My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


I would divorce you long before a month of silent treatment. That’s my honest opinion. Of course, it’s a huge trigger for me…. So I’m biased.


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## Young at Heart

Meteorite said:


> *My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work*,
> 
> *4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone* and and in the process, I told him that* I am overworked with the children,* he also repeated back that *he is also overworked*. This got me angry and* I hung up*. .....*not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message* on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. *It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other*. ...... Please what do I do.


Ok, let's read between the lines a little bit.

Usually when a husband leaves a country for work and leaves his wife behind with the children it is about providing his family with a better life than he can if he stayed home with his wife.

Most of the time those decisions are made, the wife is usually a party to the decision. If that is the case, then you made a bargain, accepted the additional financial support he provided and now you want more because "you feel overworked with the children and no partner to help you."

When the two of you agreed to his going to another country because of work, did you honestly expect that there would be no sacrifices on your part? Are you now willing to have less money for your family and possibly a lower standard of living in the future if your husband comes home and helps with your children? Did the two of you have some goal that you now want him to give up, like owning a nice home or something else?

Now what do I think you should do? 

I think that if I have correctly read between the lines, that you should apologize to him, beg him to forgive your childish behavior and tell him how important he is to you and your children's lives and that you love him and appreciate all of his sacrifices. 

If you are lucky, he might just forgive you for the sake of your children.

Good luck.


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## Nico_Jacobs

Meteorite said:


> Thank you so much. But what blanks do you make reference to, I will be glad to answer any question


Please know that I am not questioning you. It’s more to see how to help. You stated that you had a serious argument that had you ignoring his messages for a couple of days. Then it’s been 4 months. I’m just trying to understand what happened between two spouses where they can go that long without either fixing the issue or at least trying. Then to finally reach out for anything not directly related to your relationship is just difficult to understand. Were there any additional details (previous separations, etc) that explain the reason that both of you just seemed to be okay with the status of your relationship. Did any of the messages you exchange make comment to this possibly happening?


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## MattMatt

@Meteorite Have you allowed your husband to speak with your children? Or have you cut communications between your children and their father?

How old are your children?


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## farsidejunky

Meteorite said:


> Thank you , I do appreciate, but I hope your are not speaking from a male perspective ?


Would truth be any more or less objective based on the gender of the person?

No. As he said, it is time to grow up.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## BeyondRepair007

Well well well the cat is out of the bag and the plot thickens.

The gap is starting to fill about those long lost years.









REBUTTAL OF THE THREAD CREATD BY MY WIFE


Hello all, A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread created by my wife ( ?). this is the link below I need your sincere input | Talk About Marriage MY RESPONSE. First let me thank our mutual friend Agatha for being so caring for my family. Well, I am here to set the record...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## frusdil

You ignored your husband for two MONTHS??? Are you serious??? I sincerely hope you didn't cut his children off from him, an absolutely despicable thing to do.

You're lucky he's still your husband, if my husband ignored me for 2 DAYS I'd be furious and it'd be made damn clear it had better not EVER happen again or I'd be out.

So incredibly immature. Wow.


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## pastasauce79

I'm a wife and I think it's ridiculous you haven't spoken to your husband for two months! That's not how you solve a problem. 

I don't think I could be married to someone who behaves like that. I feel for your husband.


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## re16

You likely ruined your marriage with your immature silent treatment.

If I were you and you want fix this, you should move to where he is, apologize, and go to counseling together...if he will accept that.

To be honest, if I were your husband, I would divorce you... this is wholly selfish and unacceptable behavior.


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## Mr.Married

Well…… I guess your husband came in and cleared all this up for everyone. I guess we get the silent treatment now as well.


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## Works

Mr.Married said:


> Well…… I guess your husband came in and cleared all this up for everyone. I guess we get the silent treatment now as well.


Most likely...


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## Meteorite

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Well well well the cat is out of the bag and the plot thickens.
> 
> The gap is starting to fill about those long lost years.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> REBUTTAL OF THE THREAD CREATD BY MY WIFE
> 
> 
> Hello all, A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread created by my wife ( ?). this is the link below I need your sincere input | Talk About Marriage MY RESPONSE. First let me thank our mutual friend Agatha for being so caring for my family. Well, I am here to set the record...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.talkaboutmarriage.com


Hmmm, agatha did kept her word. Well lets see what the people will say. What man behaves the way he did.


Works said:


> Most likely...


Well, I am a bit taken aback that he came here to write all those things he wrote. Really I am. He should have been the man


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## Beach123

Why didn’t you simply talk about things with your husband? 
why not tell him how YOU FEEL? Offer a suggestion to help?

what do you think you are accomplishing by not talking to the person you’re supposed to be married to?


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## Beach123

He said he was overworked, so what? You felt the need to tell him that YOU were overworked. Why can’t HE tell you how HE feels?

and why aren’t you both making decisions to work in the same country/ area so that you can be together?


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## Evinrude58

So we have: 

silent treatment..... constantly wielded as a weapon of abuse.

The man works and sends money to support you?

He doesn’t even get to know where you or his kids live?

it’s quite clear to me that this guy is nothing but a mule for you to use to provide for your kids, while he is beaten down by your harsh words, and when you get angry you refuse to communicate by stonewalling him.

holy smokes. I think that your husband must have some severe problems himself in order for him to even consider remaining your husband after years of abuse.


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## MattMatt

Meteorite said:


> Hmmm, agatha did kept her word. Well lets see what the people will say. What man behaves the way he did.
> 
> Well, I am a bit taken aback that he came here to write all those things he wrote. Really I am. He should have been the man


He was the man. Not a doormat. Sorry he didn't act like you felt he should.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Meteorite said:


> Thank you , I do appreciate, but I hope your are not speaking from a male perspective ?


He's speaking from an adult perspective. Male and female.


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## Evinrude58

Meteorite said:


> My husband and I live in different countries for now, because of work, 4 months ago we had some serious argument on the phone and and in the process, I told him that I am overworked with the children, he also repeated back that he is also overworked. This got me angry and I hung up. He tried to call me for three days , and he also sent me some messages, and I did not reply, I stayed like that not talking to him, then after 2 months I sent him just a message on an unrelated issue, he ignored my message, after another month, I sent him another message, he also ignored. It has been 4 months now we have not spoken to each other. Now my younger sister is getting married, and she informed him about the marriage, he spoke and advised her ( this was about a month ago ) although I did not tell him by myself about the marriage. After about one month, my sister also called him to inform him that her fiancee' wants to speak with him, but he refused, he gave my sister the excuse that it was not proper, for him to speak with her fiancee' because he said that I have not told him anything about the marriage, therefor he can not relate further with my sister as per the marriage. And that it was out of respect that he even called my sister initially to advice her. Please what do I do.


Your husband sounds like a guy that tries to do the honorable thing. It’s sad you don’t recognize that and appreciate it.

He works on another persons schedule, and supports a woman and children that he doesn’t even get to see, and YOU are complaining you’re overworked????!!!!!!!
Omg. The poor guy. I hope he rises up.


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