# Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things work



## Orangefish51 (Mar 2, 2015)

*Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things work*

I'm currently in a relationship that has become unbearable. He's controlling to the point where I'm not able to work, I'm not able to possess any money save for $5-10. He seriously does not allow me to leave the room, and is refusing to buy furniture for any other room in our home. Every word from his mouth is an insult or screaming and it gets physical. I'm 5'0 and he's 6'6 so it should be understandable that I am afraid of him. 

We've been together for 8 years (since I was 19 and him 27) but only just married about 2 months ago because I was an idiot and thought things might get better. Since then not only has he refused to go to couples counseling appointments I've made but refuses to allow me to go solo as well. I think it's because he doesn't want a third party pointing out the obvious abuse. 

There's no way he will EVER allow me to leave in peace or with a dime despite the fact that we have a large "nest egg" in our home, all in cash. It comes out to about $10k but he's refused to use banks so it's just here. 

I'm considering the idea of moving half of it out of this house, taking it somewhere safe then having the police escort me back to the house to get my clothes and whatever. The thing I'm scared of is him telling the police I stole it and arresting me. 

I want to know if I have any legal right to that money. If I take half and basically say "fight me for it in court" is that within my rights? Am I doing anything illegal?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Do you have somewhere safe to go?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*



Orangefish51 said:


> I'm currently in a relationship that has become unbearable. He's controlling to the point where I'm not able to work, I'm not able to possess any money save for $5-10. He seriously does not allow me to leave the room, and is refusing to buy furniture for any other room in our home. Every word from his mouth is an insult or screaming and it gets physical. I'm 5'0 and he's 6'6 so it should be understandable that I am afraid of him.
> 
> We've been together for 8 years (since I was 19 and him 27) but only just married about 2 months ago because I was an idiot and thought things might get better. Since then not only has he refused to go to couples counseling appointments I've made but refuses to allow me to go solo as well. I think it's because he doesn't want a third party pointing out the obvious abuse.
> 
> ...


If it's cash.. how is he going to prove it was even there?

You have the legal right to 50% of everything that both of you earn. If he is the only one working, then you have the legal right to 50% of what he has earned.

I have some questions here.

Do either of you own the house you live in (or any other house)? 

Does he have any bank accounts at all?

How does he get his pay check?

Do you have a safe place to go to? Any family or friends?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*

How can you move money out of the house if he will not let you go anywhere?


Where is the computer you are using? Is it in the house where you live with him? If so make sure you delete your internet history and cookies.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*

My concern would be that he might try to harm you if you take the cash.

I've seen enough episodes on the ID channel (Investigation Discovery) to have my radar go up. He doesn't sound stable. Normal people use banks and don't hide cash under their mattress.

*Anyway, you've only been married to him for TWO MONTHS so you are not entitled to half the equity in the home.* Regardless of how long you dated, you weren't married to him. And you weren't together long enough for common-law status, if that's even recognized in your state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*

Orangefish51,

call the national domestic violence hotline at 1 800 799 7233.

If I were you, I'd get in touch with them. Arrange to have them pick you up when you know he will not be at home. Take the money at that time.

You have legal rights to some money.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*

You need to talk to a local lawyer before doing anything. Do you have any friends or family that you can count on? 

C


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*



Orangefish51 said:


> I'm not able to possess any money save for $5-10
> 
> He seriously does not allow me to leave the room
> 
> There's no way he will EVER allow me to leave in peace or with a dime


You may be telling the truth, but I don't believe you. You tell us in too many ways you can't have any money, can't leave the room, can in peace with any money, and that you are afraid, but yet you're going to leave the house with 5000 dollars.

You're asking on a public forum comprised of members all over the country AND all over the world who have no idea of the laws in the state you live in. It would be easier to google the information, look up the laws in your state, or call a local attorney for a free phone consultation.

It sounds more like you are either up to something and trying to steal his money, or you have nothing better to do than make up stories and get attention from a bunch of people on a public forum.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

*Re: Considering leaving my abusive & dysfunctional marriage but IDK how these things*

You need to do as Ele suggested and call the domestic violence hotline, they will give you great advice and help you decide what to do next. 

I hope you are safe.


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