# Trying to figure out if i need to be patient or what i should do at this point



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Ok ill try to keep this easy to read and point out the things on both sides..Over 2months ago wife came home after we had been talking and laughing on the phone i didnt hear her say anything to me cause i was sucked into world of warcraft and she went back out slamed the door i asked what was wrong with her she exploded and said she was done just done and left.
Since its been a odd ride to say the least. 

i have tried over and over to talk to her wrote her and emailed her after she kicked me out and it only made things worse, her family tried to talk to her my family, friends and more and over that time she just got sick of hearing it even more and made it pointedly clear of that fact. At first things were starting to look up i had given up the game went into counceling for how i respond to conflict and no, no physical stuff ever, just arguments or lack of them really since she felt she couldnt approach me she has said, but then with all the pressure and things she went from thinking about working things out to not at all wanting to.

And i did pressure her still drop a letter from time to time now and the occasional flowers and such but now that its spaced she is atleast keeping them now suddenly again and that makes me hopeful i just hope im not reading to far into it cause she says she loves me and always will but she isnt in love with me and doesnt want to work things out. that is her only reason she gives me now that i have made the changes she wanted out of me over a year and a half ago when i didnt understand what truely was at risk and how much her and my kids truely meant to me in life and family..

Through this all she went back and forth and at times still seems to atleast in my mind anyways. She also was and still does at times act like it hurts her to be near me or she acts cold and sometimes hateful, yet other times she opens up a bit and we laugh and talk and then its almost like she catches herself doing it then goes back to being resentfull, now dont get me wrong i had neglected her and my responsibilities as a husband and a father due to losing myself in the game so i understand she has good reason and hurts deeply and most importantly she dont have trust in me or the changes i have made right now , i do hope she will though in time.

well about 2-3weeks ago things got even worse when i made a cousin in my family mad cause i told her she needed to talk to her husband about her affairs and her husband came to me and asked questions and tricked me into the truth saying and even had his facts right that he knew already so i told him he knew the truth ... 

now i no i should have just kept my mouth shut but wasnt thinking , well my cousin went nuts telling my wife all kinds of bull and lies and my situation went from bad to serverly bad in a matter of seconds now she has more doubts and issues that shouldnt be there but cause of her state of mind she is doubting i am being honest about it , i have been faithfull and loyal 100% to her for all 10years but that just made the situation with her worse suddenly she went from thinking about things to being in her words "done done done not even in 6 months if i live up to being the man i am now" and that went from us talking and her thinking to her more or less hanging the phone up on me after i talk to my son on the phone and with the pressure i was adding with letters and such and a late night visit to try to beg for a last chance(big mistake) it got really bad..
Now i have backed off since then and its only been about 2 weeks suddenly over the last couple days we have talked more and its been good with laughs again even at times still see the sliding into being hardnosed at times , also a week ago she was throughing away flowers i would send and such now this week i sent her a card and dozen roses and a cake and she has them all on display, also left my journal there something she said she would through away if i left it there for her to read but has it on her computer , yet she still acts like there is no hope or chance at working things out, this has been going on now approaching 3 months she has filed yet due i think to money 

and she almost refuses my help with anything and we dont see each other but on rare occasions even, as far as i can tell she isnt talking to no one or anything like that either.. but for some reason all though she says she sees the changes and likes them even she dont trust them and still wont give a inch on things wont even go out and have a night out or a movie or anything and still says were done no chance of hope type of thing yet she seems to treasure the gifts and help i do give her ..
now im sitting here after seeing my kids at her grandmothers house cause im presently stuck at my parents which isnt fit for little kids and thinking about just a few things besides wanting to work things out with her and keep my kids from a broken home. 

1 is do i continue to help her with bills and such when she is saying there is no hope , cause i do want to and just after a long lay off got a new good paying job finally again, or not and if so will that make a difference to her??2 Should i keep talking to her and stay committed to her or move on and keep trying cause i do truely love her and want to work things out but cause she isnt saying there is any chance at all im not sure what i should do , even been told maybe i should take my ring off now by friends even they think it will make her think any opinions on that ??and 3 and most importantly with a stubborn wife like mine is there any hope if i just stay focused on this path and keep showing her im there and helping pay the bills there at the house 
or do i just let her to fend for herself which she says she wants to anyways but i no she cant possibly do on her money and she is working every hour she can and our kids see very little of both of us right now and that tears at me , so do i keep it up cause if there is even a little hope yet even with someone that says there isnt i will but from what all i have writen above and i no its a long long post id like to no your opinions on this and advise any and all is welcome..


----------



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

I no its long but i wanted to fill it all in with as much as i could tell you all so you had a solid grasp of what is going on.. again sorry its long and sorry i have to even post here right now. but im in need of help and advise and suggestions on this with such grave concern its killing me and i am dieing to be near my kids again all day every day..
please give it some real thoughts please i post and reply in here as much as i can as well..


----------



## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

beninneedofhelp said:


> 1 is do i continue to help her with bills and such when she is saying there is no hope , cause i do want to and just after a long lay off got a new good paying job finally again, or not and if so will that make a difference to her??2 Should i keep talking to her and stay committed to her or move on and keep trying cause i do truely love her and want to work things out but cause she isnt saying there is any chance at all im not sure what i should do , even been told maybe i should take my ring off now by friends even they think it will make her think any opinions on that ??and 3 and most importantly with a stubborn wife like mine is there any hope if i just stay focused on this path and keep showing her im there and helping pay the bills there at the house
> or do i just let her to fend for herself which she says she wants to anyways but i no she cant possibly do on her money and she is working every hour she can and our kids see very little of both of us right now and that tears at me , so do i keep it up cause if there is even a little hope yet even with someone that says there isnt i will but from what all i have writen above and i no its a long long post id like to no your opinions on this and advise any and all is welcome..


Alright first things, I think that you do still need to help her out when it comes to certain things ie: if it was bills that you both accrued or car payments, maintanence, house payment, etc. And of course you need to provide for you child. Other than that, unless you know she is homeless and has no money for food, let her take care of herself. 

Second, back off a little. I don't know if you are noticing a pattern of when you stop begging her, she starts talking more. So when I say back off I'm not saying be cold or hatefull or ignore her, but back off on begging her to come back for a few reasons. 

You need to decide some things. Write down what you want. Everything you want to do, what you are doing now, write about her, her good stuff her bad stuff and make a decision from all of that. And now when I say decision I don't mean that you stalk her until she decides she wants you....that may not happen...and if thats the case, thats when you let it go...and if I were you if you do still want to be with her, I wouldn't take the ring off just yet. You are technically still married, so until you feel like your ready to take it off, don't. I think in this situation you taking it off may push her even further.

Best advice now? Give space and take time for yourself. Find some healthy outlets. Your son needs you.


----------



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Thanks i will keep going your advise tonight has helped just confused and lost most of every day im hoping the new job helps keep my mind busy but we shall see i have tried reading something i normally love but i read the words with a constant stream of thoughts of her and my kids in the background , if that isnt nuts i dont want to no what is.. but i will keep fighting till that final day comes if it has to come and i will fight long after that too i no what my kids and wife mean to me so i will just keep going and try to not push on our situation and hope for the best from it ill try to keep the US factor to a minimum and just try little things while helping her and the kids with there needs and bills..


----------



## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Just keep doing the little things, and as you said try to keep the US factor to a minimal, the most important thing that you can do is prove that your a man and help her by taking care of your kids.


----------

