# Honesty in sex



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I always found it interesting with my wife and I's sexual dynamics. In the past with other women, I had to guess/experiment, to find out all their buttons. With my wife, she simply won't let me go until she's used me up for her own pleasure completely. If I try to leave before giving her at least one O - she wraps her legs around me and pulls me back to bed.

As such, she has always been brutally honest with my performance, and pushes me to be my best, and me with her. She doesn't get all insecure and think that she can't compare with my exs, she just goes "ok, A doesn't work with him, he likes B, I'll do B" etc etc

Despite our other problems, this is something I don't want us to change. Just curious really though, why is communication when it comes to sex so lacking in so many relationships?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I always found it interesting with my wife and I's sexual dynamics. In the past with other women, I had to guess/experiment, to find out all their buttons. With my wife, she simply won't let me go until she's used me up for her own pleasure completely. If I try to leave before giving her at least one O - she wraps her legs around me and pulls me back to bed.
> 
> As such, she has always been brutally honest with my performance, and pushes me to be my best, and me with her. She doesn't get all insecure and think that she can't compare with my exs, she just goes "ok, A doesn't work with him, he likes B, I'll do B" etc etc
> 
> Despite our other problems, this is something I don't want us to change. *Just curious really though, why is communication when it comes to sex so lacking in so many relationships?*


Male ego 
mostly


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

But what if that guy actually has a healthy self-esteem? It's still guesswork! Why not just tell us what you like? lol

When my wife and I got together she was such a breath of fresh air, we really learnt how each other's bodies work. Other women in the past they never really told me squat

Sometimes too no matter what I did it never seemed to work and the woman in question just fakes it. Politeness I guess? Bah! So I just dump her - if we're not sexually compatible forget it lol


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I love when my wife directs me to do something or in a particular spot. I have zero self esteem issues and know that I have been able to please her, but there are times when you're just a half inch off.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Well maybe you two are outliers

but...
the majority of men (i believe) are not so comfortable being taught what to do, nor are they particularly skilled in bed.

lot's of reasons for that though: women faking it, porn, women not being particularity concerned about the man's sexual prowess, and of course the elusive ego...

about porn: it's both highly unrealistic and highly influential. men pick up alot of their cue's from porn. not just how they should act, but how the woman should react. so if a man is f*cking his wife like a porn star but she isn't responding like a porn star, he believes SHE is the problem. attempts by her to make him less porn star like makes him resentful,annoyed, shut down. 

about women faking it: women fake it often, some better than others, ALMOST all do I'd say. I do/have with my husband and ex's. Lots of reasons why but those are irrelevant ultimately. Faking, imo, isn't bad in and of itself. But it can "teach" a guy bad technique. If he's jamming his fingers into a vagina and she fakes an o to get him to stop, she teaches that jamming fingers is a good thing. But of course she get's tired of the finger jamming eventually, tries to correct him by saying she no longer likes it but he is not hearing that. He has seen how much she liked it. So the finger jamming continues and so do that faked orgasms.

male ego: i think a good word for male ego is just insecurity. If you already feel insecure about yourself as a man for whatever reason. You really don't want to hear that you're also not pleasing your wife in bed. Simple as that. And women understand that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm... gives me an idea for a poll...


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## LearninAsWeGo (Oct 20, 2012)

I ask for critique... usually during, sometimes afterwards. We discuss past lovers, fantasies, toys, and fun previous and shared experiences too. It all depends how secure you are in your relationship and with your body.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Despite our other problems, this is something I don't want us to change. Just curious really though, why is communication when it comes to sex so lacking in so many relationships?


That, Sir, is a very good problem to have! I truly wish that we all could be so very lucky!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

My wife has never been one to make outright suggestions, but has always been very open to my suggestions, and sometimes casually drops hints based on what a "friend" has done or found stimulating....


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Male ego
> mostly


Lol. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"I honestly believe you are terrible at this, honey"


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Most people are raised with a lot of secrecy and shyness about sex, so discussing it open and honestly doesn't come naturally.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

As much as I preach communication, I'm not good at it myself. I understand the value of it, but I don't do well at it.

First, as much as I have success at writing my words out, i completely suck at verbalizing what i want to say. I ramble all over the place and often say something in a way I didn't mean it, either not emphasizing a point enough or even placing blame where it doesn't belong (at her or myself).

Second, after so many years of actually saying what I feel and it either being slapped back in my face (my ex-wife telling to go find someone else if I don't like our sex life) or nothing changing after I speak (generally this is my current relationship) I feel like speaking only puts a big elephant in the room for myself.

I understand that talking is important and I do still talk about my issues, wants, desires, what she'd like, etc. but little feedback doesn't leave me wanting to continue talking after a while.


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