# Want to leave but feel bad



## Pd156199 (Jan 12, 2016)

Here is my story, I'm 30 she is 28, married for almost two years, living together for 4 total, together for 10 years total, no kids. Over the past few months I have started to feel our relationship deteriorating. We have never really had an open line of communication and both feel uncomfortable talking with each other about relationship issues and / or personal issues. Our sex life is terrible (once a month if that) and has never really been that great. I'm actually no longer really interested in hugging or kissing her anymore, or being intimate but she is an attractive woman. She wants to start the American Dream, move into a big house and have kids. I thought I wanted to do that when we got married but no longer have any interest in kids, or selling our small house. She would make a good mother, loves kids, great cook, comes from a great family and would do anything for me. I feel like I don't love her anymore and am no longer attracted to her and have been getting just annoyed by her mere presence but don't really have a good reason for these feelings. I'm not cheating on her nor do I have any other women in my life. I want to leave her but feel really bad because she will be devastated and her family will hate me. I'm very confused and am seeking advise, or stories from someone in a similar situation.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Pd156199 said:


> she is 28,
> 
> I want to leave her but feel really bad because she will be devastated and her family will hate me. I






Pd156199 said:


> I'm very confused and am seeking advise, or stories from someone in a similar situation.


OK. My story.

My wife fell out of love with me when I was about 30 or so. It was hard working backwards with the timeline, because I found out when I was almost 50. 

So, at 50, I find out:


The past 20 or so years of my life was a lie.
The woman I planned on growing old with will never love me again.
I have three kids right on the verge of college. I'm stuck!
I'm older, fatter, balder than I was when I MAYBE could have found happiness again.

You don't want to hurt her? You don't want to see her in pain? Then give her a chance of finding a happy life.

I will go to my grave knowing that the last time I will ever have had sex with a woman who enjoyed it with me was at least 20+ years ago now. And is unlikely to happen again.

The most cruel and selfish thing you could do to this woman would be to NOT give her a chance at happiness just because you are too much of a pu$$y to do what you should do.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Pd156199 said:


> Here is my story, I'm 30 she is 28, married for almost two years, living together for 4 total, together for 10 years total, no kids. Over the past few months I have started to feel our relationship deteriorating. We have never really had an open line of communication and both feel uncomfortable talking with each other about relationship issues and / or personal issues. Our sex life is terrible (once a month if that) and has never really been that great. I'm actually no longer really interested in hugging or kissing her anymore, or being intimate but she is an attractive woman. She wants to start the American Dream, move into a big house and have kids. I thought I wanted to do that when we got married but no longer have any interest in kids, or selling our small house. She would make a good mother, loves kids, great cook, comes from a great family and would do anything for me. I feel like I don't love her anymore and am no longer attracted to her and have been getting just annoyed by her mere presence but don't really have a good reason for these feelings. I'm not cheating on her nor do I have any other women in my life. I want to leave her but feel really bad because she will be devastated and her family will hate me. I'm very confused and am seeking advise, or stories from someone in a similar situation.


Get you a good counselor now and let your wife know something is up with you and your feelings are changing but you don't know why.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

It will not be easy for either of you, but you need to have a serious talk with your wife. You and your wife want to follow different paths in life. There is nothing wrong with that. If you are not happy now, it will not get any better in the future if you stay in this marriage.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get the book His Needs Her Needs and start reading it with her, a chapter every night. Then sit down and fill out the questionnaires that come with it and discuss what's wrong.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

All marriages have problems. Before throwing in the towel get some professional counselling first..


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Professional counseling won't work if he's too far gone. And I think he is. That's what all of those walk away wife threads missed. Once the husband finds out about it she's gone already gone.

To call him a walk-away-husband ignores the vast array of differences in why a husband vs. wife walks. Mars vs. Venus and all. But the end result is the same.

OP. She WILL find out. Some day. It's going to happen. Just do it. Pull of the band-aid fast. It hurts less that way. AND you both get to start rebuilding sooner.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Pd156199 said:


> Here is my story, I'm 30 she is 28, married for almost two years, living together for 4 total, together for 10 years total, no kids. Over the past few months I have started to feel our relationship deteriorating. We have never really had an open line of communication and both feel uncomfortable talking with each other about relationship issues and / or personal issues. Our sex life is terrible (once a month if that) and has never really been that great. I'm actually no longer really interested in hugging or kissing her anymore, or being intimate but she is an attractive woman. She wants to start the American Dream, move into a big house and have kids. I thought I wanted to do that when we got married but no longer have any interest in kids, or selling our small house. She would make a good mother, loves kids, great cook, comes from a great family and would do anything for me. I feel like I don't love her anymore and am no longer attracted to her and have been getting just annoyed by her mere presence but don't really have a good reason for these feelings. I'm not cheating on her nor do I have any other women in my life. I want to leave her but feel really bad because she will be devastated and her family will hate me. I'm very confused and am seeking advise, or stories from someone in a similar situation.


The worst thing you can do is give up yourself in consideration of others. The world need needs happy people. A lot of this feeling of yours was the result of your upbringing. My old self did exactly what you are doing. The relationship will eventually end with one individual living with those feelings. There are ways to re-kindle the fire. Should you not desire to take those steps, then take action. You and her both deserve to give and receive full love. You would be well served to learn how to communicate your wants and needs without fear of reprisal. Much of the failed communication in relationships is due to fear of the truth, and fear of judgment. If there is one person I can talk to about ANYTHING it is my partner.

The advice I'd give you is the advice I'd give my old self. Stand up or pack your bags. Do the opposite of what feels comfortable. Jump in the deep end.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You either have to work on the marriage or divorce her. I don't understand the once a month thing, and believe you have a major legitimate gripe. Do you feel she is just a LD person, or is falling out of love with you, too?

I'm sorry. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Pd156199 said:


> Our sex life is terrible (once a month if that) and has never really been that great.


Why did you marry her if your sex life was bad? Did you think sex would magically get better after marriage?

If you honestly can't stand being around her, cut her loose. Give her a chance at a happy life, and yourself too. Personally I would try to rekindle the fire before I threw it all away. Find a good marriage counselor, preferably a qualified sex therapist.


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