# Heartbroken



## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

Hi everyone! So I need some advice about my marriage. I woke up this morning to a 12 page text message from my husband saying we need to go our separate ways. Now this stems from last night. He was getting ready to his second job and he was in the bathroom. He called my name and said that the garbage hasnt been taken out in 2 days and there is no soap in the soap dispenser. Now the bathroom is my 14 year old son's chore. So I tell him that I hadnt been in the bathroom since earlier and he repeated himself saying but the garbage hasnt been taken out in 2 days. Instead of arguing with him I just said ok. Now we have been together 13 years married for almost 2 years and the only issue we really have is the cleaning of the house. Now he doesn't like clutter and wants everything nice and neat at all times. I have tried to conform to wishes to please him but I feel like it's never good enough. So he left for work and when I woke up this morning I had a 12 page text from saying he think we should go our separate ways because he tired of repeating himself and he feel like its me and the kids house and not his and he not gone stay somewhere he not happy. Now before the incident last night we were just fine now in his text he talking about he not happy. I really love my husband and O don't want to lose him but I feel like no matter what I do its never good enough. This is the text message he sent Baby honestly I don't feel like our marriage is going nowhere u don't care or respect the my mind or the things I keep stressing an honestly i have no more fight im tired an i dont want to fight no more its your way or no way an i can't deal with that no more so I've decided to let u an yours have yall house ...!!!! Im tired of repeating myself i shouldn't have to i dont like the way u parent period 😕 an your set in your ways an i an to so we should go out separate ways. I have accepted an loved genuinely but u just dont get it you are more passionate about your sister relationship then ours so do that im tired. I love u but I cant do it no more I told u this an our situation is not how I want to live out my life...!!!! Yes ik u love me but not enough an u take me for granted I work 2 jobs for myself first then for us but im tired of the i haven't been upstairs or i didn't see it if u dont pay attention to what your husband have a problem with im not needed an im not your husband im just there an im never just gone be a someone thats just there an u don't here me so what im saying I don't want this no more im not happy an u can just give 2 f**** when it matter if I am or not...!!! Im tired of showing u im mad just to get a reaction it shouldn't have to be like that Im expressing my feelings cause im hurt asf. An again im tired. I'm tired of your excuses 😒..!!! U make me act the way towards u..!! I'm off work im going over my moms ill talk to u whenever.. An u think im a nag or mean but im not I just love tf outta u an i been feeling u don't love me the same im constantly trying to make us better but your just not vibing me. Your daughter room stay looking a hot f**** mess ..u let your son stay hear an dont care if u see him or not.. an f*** chores i have been tired of that i can't no more love then first as u should... but i not an will not keep putting my feelings to the side so again thats u an yours house I feel like I have no place an I will not ba apart of that no more so with that being said im leaving im done im moving out asap. Now just a little background my children are 21, 18 and 14. My oldest daughter moved back home a few months ago that's who room he is talking about. No w I get on her everyday about her room the problem is she works all day she leaves out at 8:30 am and doesn't come back til after 10pm. My 18 year old is away in the army so she isn't here and like I said before my son is 14. Now my son does have chores he is to clean the bathroom vaccum the hallway and stairs and take out the garbage. Now he gets an allowance for doing his chores. When i see that he hasnt done his chore for the day i deduct that from his allowance. I try really hard to keep the house clean but one thing that bothers me is he wont clean our house even though he use the bathroom he walk on the floors he use the kitchen etc. The only thing he clean is his man cave bedroom that's next to our bedroom and his side of our bedroom. So i know this is long but I just need some advice like this is the only issue we have. I know people have more serious issues and that's why I want to fix my marriage. I just need some advice thank you for listening


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

He's got issues sounds like a control freak. Maybe some counseling idk or hire someone to come clean the house.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Punkin said:


> I know people have more serious issues and that's why I want to fix my marriage.


Yes, it is good that you want to fix your marriage. But, it is irrelevant what other people's issues are. You have a serious marital issue. 



Punkin said:


> Now we have been together 13 years married for almost 2 years and the only issue we really have is the cleaning of the house.


The issue you have is not the house cleaning. House cleaning is a topic, but your husband's words describe the "issue".....



Punkin said:


> you are more passionate about your sister relationship then ours
> ik *u love me but not enough an u take me for granted *I work 2 jobs for myself first then for us
> i dont like the way u parent period


The real issue here is, you may "love" your husband, but you do not RESPECT your husband. Your husband is nothing more to you than a "paycheck-on-legs". 



Punkin said:


> I've decided to let u an yours have yall house ..


There it is..... you have a choice. You need to make your house HIS house. Right now, he's quite correct, it is "y'alls" house. He has no say. His only function is to PAY.

No amount of house cleaning is going to make him feel any better. You have to PUT YOUR HUSBAND FIRST. Above your kids. Above your sister, above every other human on earth.




Punkin said:


> if u dont pay attention to what your husband have a problem with im not needed an im not your husband im just there


If you are not willing to do this, then do him a big favor and let him go. Let him find someone who wants to be his wife.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think the best thing you can do for your overall health and happiness and the well being of yourself and your kids is cooperate fully and get the divorce done and over as quickly and efficiently as possible. 

I think once he is gone and out of your hair, you will be the happiest you have been in a long long long time. 

He sounds awful. I'm surprised you have put up with him as long as you have.


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## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

jlcrome said:


> He's got issues sounds like a control freak. Maybe some counseling idk or hire someone to come clean the house.


he doesn't think he is. He said he just don't like clutter and his big issue with the house is her bedroom and the stairs going up to the third floor which is where my son and younger daughter sleep. He has a problem with my daughter's pictures up on her wall cause its clutter


TJW said:


> Yes, it is good that you want to fix your marriage. But, it is irrelevant what other people's issues are. You have a serious marital issue.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you for breaking it down to me. I guess I was so caught up in my feelings that I wasnt hearing what he was really trying to say.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I hope you two can work through this and have many years of happy marriage.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

He sounds controlling to me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

He sounds super anal retentive to me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@Punkin, this is difficult for sure.
Are these his kids too? 
Do you work? If you are not working what are you doing all day?
Some people say he is controlling but I hear a man who is tired, works two jobs to support the family and feels he is not respected in his own home. He seems to be just a paycheck to you.
I think you need to leave him be for now.
Sit down and think through whether he has a case against you
1. have you upheld your end of the bargain, to keep the home clean, tidy, cook meals, laundry, etc (if you are not working I presume this is your role)
2. Do you simply ignore him or argue with him when he highlights issues/
3. Why does he have to work 2 jobs?
4. If your kids are grown, why are you not working
After a long day at work it is nice to come home to a place which is your place of comfort and security, sounds like he doesnt have that and is resentful.
Why did your daughter move in? Why cant she get her own place. Are your adult kids sponging?

You need to analyse all of this, there is no point in crying over spilt milk, if he is justified in how he feels.


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