# Secret Marital Relations



## Traveler (Jun 19, 2008)

I believe my wife when she tells me she loves me and I truly love her...but having what I am about to tell you in my mind hurts me to no end….

A little about myself…I am a 37 year old married man who works most of the day. When I get home its not the same story as it was when I was single. I no longer make quick turns and go out to meet friends at the bar or club. I take the fact that I have a family at home (wife and stepson) into consideration and when I get home, unless we go somewhere together, I am in for the night.

I caught my flirting with a younger man online (at the time she was 33 and he was a little over 26). When I confronted her, she admitted that she was flirting, but assured me that it wasn't what it seemed. I love my wife very much and you can never believe how much I wanted to trust her in this situation…if she would have told me “1+1=7” and I would have tried to make myself believe it was true. The rational part of me tells me something else. I also learned from some of the comments on her young friend’s profile pictures that she'd met and spent time alone with this young man the summer of 2007, on a seaside vacation halfway around the world in her home country. When I asked her about this she told me he was in fact there as were many other friends from her college class.

Now I have online profiles as well. I have however made it a point to keep ex girlfriends & new interests out of my life (not to mention my profile friend’s lists). I get the occasional invite from friends and family to join social networks…I usually joined to appease them and never used tham again. 

When I looked at her profile and saw that he sent her an intimate “cuddle” (facebook) I decided enough was enough and confronted him in a message addressing his interest in my wife. Of course he assured me they were just good friends. After she learned about this from him, she was furious with me. She told me how much my actions embarrassed her. I asked her how she thought this friend of hers might feel if his girlfriend spoke to another man in a manner in which they were speaking and she assured me he wouldn’t like it “because men from my culture are very jealous.” She tells me she no longer flirts with him, but she still talks with him. The latest news is he has a girlfriend.

She also has a few ex-boyfriends on her online profile friend's list. I’ve found other clues but I’ve noticed she makes an effort to hide her private conversations from me (to include creating different profiles). When I've tried to speak to her about them she tells me she doesn't want to argue. She also reminds me that she doesn’t know or ask about what I am doing online so I should give her the same respect.

I’ve though about getting out of her business and going with the flow. I’ve thought of doing my own thing and flirting but I have a very guilty conscious and couldn’t keep a secret like this (my first option would be his girlfriend if she’s as beautiful as my wife says…and if he confronted me I would face him head on).

My wife is very beautiful and men approach her all of the time, so when she’s in the mood the opportunities are more than available. I consider myself attractive but, men traditionally pursue women. I have not been in a situation in which I’ve flirted with other attractive women since our marriage. Despite the fact that I’m guessing men have to put more work into doing things behind their wives back, I also don’t get the feeling it would make me feel like a better person…am I wrong?

Your thoughts?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

On your question about should you flirt with other women. No. Tit for tat is a bad thing in any circumstance in any relationship. Game playing is never the answer. The question is, is she engaging in an improper relationship with this other man? If she is, she must stop. If she isn’t you need to gain trust in her decisions. Communication between the two of you is what is needed here.


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## hitrockbottom (Jun 3, 2008)

hmm...

First I would say not to get into your wifes emails, messages, or profile if you don't really want to find what you think is there. If however you know your willing to accept what you find, I say tread lightly over thin ice.
If you don't find anything, and it doesn't seem as you have, your mind will start to create this "emotional baggage" it will come as Jealousy and you will start to become controlling. Maybe even shut down. You will form a wall that will be next to impossible to break down....which is where I am at....don't let your self get to this point. 

Talk to your wife, open up, and then take her for her word. If you want to ease your mind QUIT SNOOPING.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Amplexor said:


> On your question about should you flirt with other women. No. Tit for tat is a bad thing in any circumstance in any relationship. Game playing is never the answer. The question is, is she engaging in an improper relationship with this other man? If she is, she must stop. If she isn’t you need to gain trust in her decisions. Communication between the two of you is what is needed here.


:iagree:

draconis


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

internet and sites are fantasy - 
just remember that. its not real life. 
maybe reminder of that.
i agree with the above , tit for tat, whats the point.
just go out with a family member or good mate.
that wont hurt you.
im an attractive women , i get attention without asking for it, i dont go out looking for it. but someone wil always try it on.
you wil always have that to deal with wether its her or you.
as for the one on one emails in her case. i must admit i dont agree with them in a relationship, they are unfair. 
when i was in contact with a bloke via email and txt ( bare in mind hubby and i were split at time) . it was fun but it only lasted a short time. but never the less i felt guilty and split up hubby, still wont let up and we were split.


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## loveme (Jun 21, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> On your question about should you flirt with other women. No. Tit for tat is a bad thing in any circumstance in any relationship. Game playing is never the answer. The question is, is she engaging in an improper relationship with this other man? If she is, she must stop. If she isn’t you need to gain trust in her decisions. Communication between the two of you is what is needed here.


:iagree: Moreover, internet relationships or textmates for that matter are just a fantasy as what justean said. And maybe, your wife might be needing attention as you said yourself that you work most of the day. Women who turns to online, texting or any other technology-driven detour are mostly attention-deprived. Do you still have time for her?


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