# Deleted Text message??



## SunshineLady (Oct 14, 2013)

Unfortunately, the problem in my relationship just seem to get bigger every day. Recently, I learned he has been texting a mutual friend/business associate WAYYYYY to much. I confronted him, and told him I wasnt comfortable with it, he said he would only talk to her on a business level, no more hanging out as friends ect.

Although text have reduced tremendously, they are still coming in, but now specifically not when I am around (only during the day while he is working) (suspicious!!!!!!), so I asked him if I could read the conversations (he says, nothing out of line is being talking about) he said sure, i ask for his phone, he says there is none there right now, he deleted them. Obviously, i have upset, he admits they have been talking about our relationship issues as well as other things, and he just didnt want to hurt my feelings. That didnt work!!! 

Now, i am starting to think there is more going on then i wanted to believe at first. Is there a way for me to retrieve those deleted texts? I thought i had say a comp program before that would allow you to pull up the actual text of the text messages, as the phone company just gives the number and time. Anyone used a product to get text messages? If so please point me in the direction, i am letting it eat me up now, wondering if i am being stupid by not thinking that it is more then I do.

Please help!


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

I just went through this. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like he's having an emotional affair...maybe physical... IDK. But at the very least, its an emotional affair. I wasn't able to use a program for the texts, but I did an iPhone thing with iTunes and went back to the last update and they popped up. I read their conversations and it was definitely not appropriate.

Hopefully someone can help more than that...


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

What consequences have you imposed?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

What kind of phone is it?

Him automatically deleting is a bit of a flag.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Anytime people lie there's a reason for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> Obviously, i have upset, he admits they have been talking about our relationship issues as well as other things, and he just didnt want to hurt my feelings. That didnt work!!!


This is the gateway, if you want to stay married stop it right now. Do not buy the, "but you are being controlling crap." Say, "No, I'm not, you are grown you can leave at any time."

Do not let it continue, unless you feel he is already having intercourse. Then you might want to observe him silently.

If he is actively deleting things, that's worrisome.


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## srena200 (Jul 13, 2009)

Are you married or in a dating relationship? A text now and then is not a big deal but if you are dealing with a man texting another woman daily - it needs to be addressed. If he is talking to HER about YOUR relationship - that is a problem. 
Consider why he needs to discuss his issues with another woman rather than sitting down with you and addressing it.
This does seem like emotional cheating that can easily be the gate-way to more.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

SunshineLady said:


> Unfortunately, the problem in my relationship just seem to get bigger every day. Recently, I learned he has been texting a mutual friend/business associate WAYYYYY to much. I confronted him, and told him I wasnt comfortable with it, he said he would only talk to her on a business level, no more hanging out as friends ect.
> 
> Although text have reduced tremendously, they are still coming in, but now specifically not when I am around (only during the day while he is working) (suspicious!!!!!!), so I asked him if I could read the conversations (he says, nothing out of line is being talking about) he said sure, i ask for his phone, he says there is none there right now, he deleted them. Obviously, i have upset, he admits they have been talking about our relationship issues as well as other things, and he just didnt want to hurt my feelings. That didnt work!!!
> 
> ...


Very Very slippery slope. Read "Not just friends" by Dr. Glass
This is very bad behavior. She is also very into him, I suspect. They are enjoying their secret relationship.
I think he is placing way too much importance on her.
You feel the same. Do not let him "talk" his way out of this. 
I would have him change jobs. Who knows with the deceit shown, how much he is sharing with her.


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## 60+ (Nov 18, 2013)

I had exactly the same thing. Found a "deleted" message that was in the "deleted" folder. Confronted him....no shock...no apology.
I don't know what you are expecting from a confrontation, but it won't be what you are imagining in your mind. He is acting as though he is innocent and YOU are delusional. Strength girl!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Red flag time, sad to say. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunshineLady (Oct 14, 2013)

I agree its a huge red flag, we have verizon android phones, The only consequence is if he continues to talk to her, i will leave. End of story, nothing else. I already confronted, he admitted to deleting, because he was talking to her about our issues and he didnt want to hurt my feelings. Which is totally bull****. He has take responsibility for deleting them. And since i asked him not to delete anymore he hasnt. He also said he understands by telling the lie, i dont have trust in him and he can not get upset if i wanna look thru his phone or whatever because he has now given me a reason not to trust him. I am not really planning on confronting him. I want to see the deleted messages to see if it was as innocent as he claims, if not, Ill know where we stand, no need for anwsers at that point. I feel like for my own piece of mind I need to see what he thought was important enough to delete. From the recently messages I have been able to read, she is a very low class woman, that will not stop even tho he has said straight to her, he wants to work on things with me, and their friendship and texting makes me uncomfortable, but she doesnt stop, and when he doesnt reply, she keep texting until she gets a response from him.

Anyone know of a way to get deleted message from an android phone?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He might take it underground such as new pay as you go phone, new email, or SMS. I think you confronted too soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

SunshineLady said:


> Although text have reduced tremendously, they are still coming in, but now specifically not when I am around (only during the day while he is working) (suspicious!!!!!!)


You said you only wanted them to talk about business, so it would make sense that the texts are coming in while he's at work, right?

I don't know if there's a way to retrieve these messages. Are you guys on the same phone plan? You could check the bill and see if he's calling her at odd hours or just very frequently.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MaBi123 said:


> You said you only wanted them to talk about business, so it would make sense that the texts are coming in while he's at work, right?


If they work together not really and it depends on the amount.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SunshineLady said:


> he admitted to deleting, because he was talking to her about our issues and he didnt want to hurt my feelings.


Talking to this other woman (OW) about your issues as a couple is a betrayal of your confidence as a couple. If you look up emotional affair you will see that this is the top indicator that the relationship has become an emotional affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> If they work together not really and it depends on the amount.


I agree if there is a huge volume that would be odd. But it depends on what he does for a living. What if he has a job where he is out of the office a lot doing field work? 

I dated a guy who was a surveyor and who was constantly going around to different construction sites. He would often call and text people back at his office when he had to talk to them because he was either at the site or on the road.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MaBi123 said:


> I agree if there is a huge volume that would be odd. But it depends on what he does for a living. What if he has a job where he is out of the office a lot doing field work?
> 
> I dated a guy who was a surveyor and who was constantly going around to different construction sites. He would often call and text people back at his office when he had to talk to them because he was either at the site or on the road.


I'd continue this, thanks to TRy, I forgot about this clarification in her post:


> he admitted to deleting, because he was talking to her about our issues and he didnt want to hurt my feelings.


So, what we are discussing is irrelevant. She said it made her uncomfortable and he offered to keep it strictly business. It Doesn't matter if it was field work, in separate offices, in the same building or they sit next to each other he offered to remove the personal element and he didn't.

He broke his promise to her.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Be careful of them taking it underground.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: Deleted Text message??*



TRy said:


> Talking to this other woman (OW) about your issues as a couple is a betrayal of your confidence as a couple. If you look up emotional affair you will see that this is the top indicator that the relationship has become an emotional affair.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is spot on. 

What issues are you having apart from this one? They need to be addressed and that can't happen effectively if he is discussing the issues and any resolution attempts with her. 

Does be want to remain married? If so, does he want a loving relationship with you or is it a financial decision for him? 

They are not discussing these things for advice. These discussions are about forming emotional bonds that serve to exclude the spouse. They now have secrets which bond them further. His not wanting to hurt you with the content of the texts demonstrates this clearly. 

He is in an emotional affair even if he doesn't recognize it yet. This is one of the ways married people court others. It isn't innocent. The attention feels good. That it causes a further erosion of the marriage is totally lost on them. 

I don't know how to convince him that he is on a slippery slope. My advice is to tell him plainly and clearly that any social out personal contact is a direct threat to your marriage and if he won't protect the marriage you will not sit by and watch. Ask him to discuss the situation with you and a spiritual leader or your father. If he refuses to cease this destructive behavior ask him to move in with his parents to think about his choice. 

Marriage is for two people. 

How should he feel if you were doing the same with a guy? 

If he says he would be ok with it, you have a really large problem on your hands. Hope that is not the case.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

I noticed deleted messages on my wifes phone. I know the message was there because i saw it come in. It was one of her "friends" who texted the wrong number.

Few days later, that particular text was deleted. Busted her a few weeks later.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Yes it's possible to recover the deleted text messages unless he has wiped the phone clean. But it depends on the type of phone and how it stores them. There is software that you can use if they are recoverable.

But, I would suggest taking it to an expert to do it. It will cost more than the software, but it will be a smart investment.

If you want to try it yourself, you just need to research. Google "how to retrieve deleted text messages from a ______"; using the make and model of the phone.


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## Elsa (Nov 27, 2013)

SunshineLady said:


> Unfortunately, the problem in my relationship just seem to get bigger every day. Recently, I learned he has been texting a mutual friend/business associate WAYYYYY to much. I confronted him, and told him I wasnt comfortable with it, he said he would only talk to her on a business level, no more hanging out as friends ect.
> 
> Although text have reduced tremendously, they are still coming in, but now specifically not when I am around (only during the day while he is working) (suspicious!!!!!!), so I asked him if I could read the conversations (he says, nothing out of line is being talking about) he said sure, i ask for his phone, he says there is none there right now, he deleted them. Obviously, i have upset, he admits they have been talking about our relationship issues as well as other things, and he just didnt want to hurt my feelings. That didnt work!!!
> 
> ...


Sunshine, I looked at your previous posts. You said your relationship issues were that he stopped being interested in sex with you and told you he didn't feel connected to you anymore. Those are classic signs of an affair - physical or emotional. I don't think your H turned to this woman to discuss your problems - she's probably the CAUSE of your problems! 

I think you need to do more than just look at his texts, especially now that he knows you're onto him. You need to do a full-on investigation, like putting a voice activated recorder in his car. I think there's a list somewhere of steps you can take - maybe someone can be so kind as to post a link?


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