# Should I fight to keep the unborn baby or get abortion to go serperate ways?



## Seekingadvice&support (Jul 31, 2015)

I really need some guidance. I pray to god. If you have any similar situation and how you fight through it, please help me... 
My husband and I have been together for several years, we rushed into marriage when we both were not 100% sure, but we have tried to learn about each other and how to live with each other, I feel I do love him and care about him, I am act of service type of person, I do things to show my love. But it was not what my husband wanted. I think we just don't know what we wanted and what the real love is. We went with it and worked hard on our careers, bought a house, got a dog but it was full of obstacle during the whole ride. He is tired of me not treating him well and he keeps saying that he didn't get respect from me. I on the other hand, knowing that something I said and I done hurt him, but I was selfish only worried about my own feeling and ignored his. Our personality is so different, I am strong minded women, he is vey soft man. 
Now we found out that we are pregnant, almost 10 weeks. He insists that we need to get abortion and go separate ways because he never loved me, it was all mistake, he thought it would work out but reality it isn't. Everyday we get home, he is saying the same thing to me. He said if we keep the baby, then we are stuck together to raise the baby, he wont leave but will be hating me the rest of his life and be miserable. 
*What should I do? Respect his opinion and follow his advice or fight for the life inside me? * We have gone to abortion clinic twice and sat at the parking lot, couldn't do it. But once we get home, he said he was too wake but we need to do it. I really feel hopeless...


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Will your family help you raise the child?

Is adoption an option? 

This is a very hard situation. 




Seekingadvice&support said:


> I really need some guidance. I pray to god. If you have any similar situation and how you fight through it, please help me...
> My husband and I have been together for several years, we rushed into marriage when we both were not 100% sure, but we have tried to learn about each other and how to live with each other, I feel I do love him and care about him, I am act of service type of person, I do things to show my love. But it was not what my husband wanted. I think we just don't know what we wanted and what the real love is. We went with it and worked hard on our careers, bought a house, got a dog but it was full of obstacle during the whole ride. He is tired of me not treating him well and he keeps saying that he didn't get respect from me. I on the other hand, knowing that something I said and I done hurt him, but I was selfish only worried about my own feeling and ignored his. Our personality is so different, I am strong minded women, he is vey soft man.
> Now we found out that we are pregnant, almost 10 weeks. He insists that we need to get abortion and go separate ways because he never loved me, it was all mistake, he thought it would work out but reality it isn't. Everyday we get home, he is saying the same thing to me. He said if we keep the baby, then we are stuck together to raise the baby, he wont leave but will be hating me the rest of his life and be miserable.
> *What should I do? Respect his opinion and follow his advice or fight for the life inside me? * We have gone to abortion clinic twice and sat at the parking lot, couldn't do it. But once we get home, he said he was too wake but we need to do it. I really feel hopeless...


----------



## Seekingadvice&support (Jul 31, 2015)

My family would. I am sure his family will help too. The point he is making is that this life was not created by love, we should not have it and make rest of our life miserable to be together. He said he won't let me raise the baby by myself, if we have the baby, then we are stuck together to raise the baby.


----------



## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Where are you from?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Seekingadvice&support said:


> My family would. I am sure his family will help too. The point he is making is that this life was not created by love, we should not have it and make rest of our life miserable to be together. *He said he won't let me raise the baby by myself, if we have the baby,* then we are stuck together to raise the baby.


Where you live is important for this. In most places he cannot force you to stay married to him.

You can both still raise the baby, but you don't have to live together and be married.

Do not let him force you to stay married.

Do not let him force you to get an abortion. Only get an abortion if you think it's the best solution.


----------



## Seekingadvice&support (Jul 31, 2015)

FL


----------



## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Seekingadvice&support said:


> I really need some guidance. I pray to god. If you have any similar situation and how you fight through it, please help me...
> My husband and I have been together for several years, we rushed into marriage when we both were not 100% sure, but we have tried to learn about each other and how to live with each other, I feel I do love him and care about him, I am act of service type of person, I do things to show my love. But it was not what my husband wanted. I think we just don't know what we wanted and what the real love is. We went with it and worked hard on our careers, bought a house, got a dog but it was full of obstacle during the whole ride. He is tired of me not treating him well and he keeps saying that he didn't get respect from me. I on the other hand, knowing that something I said and I done hurt him, but I was selfish only worried about my own feeling and ignored his. Our personality is so different, I am strong minded women, he is vey soft man.
> Now we found out that we are pregnant, almost 10 weeks. He insists that we need to get abortion and go separate ways because he never loved me, it was all mistake, he thought it would work out but reality it isn't. Everyday we get home, he is saying the same thing to me. He said if we keep the baby, then we are stuck together to raise the baby, he wont leave but will be hating me the rest of his life and be miserable.
> *What should I do? Respect his opinion and follow his advice or fight for the life inside me? * We have gone to abortion clinic twice and sat at the parking lot, couldn't do it. But once we get home, he said he was too wake but we need to do it. I really feel hopeless...


It's not just his baby - it's yours as well. Do you want to keep this child? If so, do not allow anyone (even your husband) to convince you otherwise. You have to live with that decision for the rest of your life.

Personally - I would not end the life of this child. My daughter has brought me endless joy and fulfillment in life. She's 2 and 1/2 years and my shining star. Throughout my separation from my husband, she is what kept me going.

He is not obligated to stay with you after you have the child. Nor are you obligated to remain married to him. Please don't do that to the child (stay together in a miserable marriage)...the child deserves two healthy happy parents, whether you are together or not is secondary.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First and foremost, protect the life of that innocent child! You can find help through various local agencies in raising it right there in the community in which you live!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

From what I read it does not seem like he will force her to stay married to him if she has the kid.

Quite the opposite actually; it seems he feels the pregnancy will force him to stay married to _her_.

OP you need to decide what you are going to do.

Your marriage may or may not be salvageable and working through long-seated resentments is difficult without kids.

You need, in no particular order:
1) To set up an Individual Counselor
2) Speak with a Lawyer
3) Demand some form of MC

And above all else, decide whether or not you want to raise this child on your own.

Because having the kid is not going to save your marriage and neither is having an abortion.


----------



## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Maybe this child wasn't conceived out of love, but you can choose to love this child.

*The fact that you are here asking "should I fight for my unborn?" seems obvious to us that you already love this child.*

Yes, you should fight for your child.
No, he cannot force you to stay married to him.

He knows divorce is inevitable, he fears the obligations and responsibilities of supporting the child.

You don't have to fight for your unborn child, you have all the power.


----------



## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

I know this is a very controversial subject and you will get many conflicting viewpoints so in the end do what you will.

I'll throw my opinion out there.

Don't bring a child into this mess, no one will be happy.

Then dump your husband and find the right man to raise a child with.


----------



## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I think its unreasonable to come here to ask for advice on this topic because its a very personal decision that no one here is going to have to live with.

And by the way, your husband won't live with the decision probably either.

If you don't have the baby...he won't bear the burden of making the choice and if you do have the baby, he sounds like a runner. You'll be lucky to get child support only out of him. The chances of him being an involved father are slim given his attitude.

You need to do some soul searching and figure out what is right for you and no one else can figure that out.

There are some realities with whatever you choose that are difficult and you have to come to terms with that on your own.

The only advice I'd offer is that you should be completely selfish in making your choice. Forget about what your husband wants...only consider what you want.

Good luck!


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I have not had an abortion but I have lost a baby. Even at 12 weeks along, I still think about that little baby. What it could have been, how things could have been different, or i see others with kids the same age as that baby would be had it made it. This happened 18 years ago and I still think what could have been and I see my best friend I was pregnant with and her child who now has graduated from high school and is going to collage. My baby would have been doing that same thing. I didn't end this baby's life, nature did. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I had been the one to cause that life to end. That is just me personally. 

You do what is right for you though. Sometimes children are not conceived out of love but they are loving and forgiving and share and bring so much love and happiness to so many situations. 

A child on the way is no reason for a man to stay tied to an unhappy relationship. It is no reason for a forced marriage. You can agree to cut your ties and never contact him again if that is what he wants. OR Maybe he will want to be part of this child's life after it is born. Something about having a little face that looks like your, or tiny eyes that resemble yours, often makes unwanting parents choose to embrace parenthood. 

Good luck with this. I know there is no simple answer and no easy choices to be made in this case. I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I have several relatives that were either adopted, or have adopted a child. One couple has a 5 yr old that they adopted right after birth. That child is the most loved happy kid I know. The other relatives are 40 +. One of them has met their birth mom, the other not. Both of them are thankful that their birth mom was wise enough to let them be adopted. It was the best of a bad situation.

Your husband sounds very selfish and if he didn't want kids, he was/is entirely capable of preventing it from happening.

Abstinence
Condoms
Vasectomy
etc, etc, etc


----------



## inhope (Nov 17, 2010)

Seekingadvice&support said:


> My family would. I am sure his family will help too. The point he is making is that this life was not created by love, we should not have it and make rest of our life miserable to be together. He said he won't let me raise the baby by myself, if we have the baby, then we are stuck together to raise the baby.


If you have family support and you want to keep your baby, then keep your baby. A child is a precious thing, not everyone gets the chance to have a baby.

He wants to go his separate way and not to have to pay for a child and that is the bottom line.
BUT you will be the one who will have to live with the fact you aborted YOUR child, not him. 

Men come and go, is the reality of the situation. If he hates you for keeping your child, then just divorce him forthwith. The last thing anyone needs is a resentful hating husband and he never loved you anyway so is just trying to force your hand here...
Go it alone, get help from your family and friends. You do not NEED him, for you and your child to have a very nice life together.


----------

