# Marriage went down hill after 4 months... sorry for length



## NoideaJ (Jan 7, 2012)

Hey everyone,

Im 29 and got married around 5 months ago after a 4.5 year relationship. She is 27.

It was the happiest day of my life.

Im not a very emotional guy(as most men arent) But i dont like to talk about things at all, im friendly and have no problem making friends etc. But i just dont like or need to talk about every little thing that crosses my mind. 

After about 3 months into the marriage my wife pulled me aside and told me that she felt alone and unwanted and she was letting me know it was really upsetting her and she did not want to spend her life feeling this way..

I didnt realise it at the time, but for SOME reason, when we got back from holidays i ignored her emotionally and physically from almost the get go. I didnt mean to and have NO idea why and denied it for along time. 

She told me every week, and i assumed it was some girl thing.(She knows how i am, we have been together for almost 5 years).

She ended up telling me that she does not feel the same way and that she has fallen out of love with me, and we have seperated. 

I was upset and angry, and still in deniel because i believed it was not my fault. 

We have been trying to work it out, but the problem is i still cannot figure out why i ignored her like that. Maybe i took her and everything for granted? Maybe scared?

I have a problem where i dont show emotion at _all_. I dont cry and when i have a serious conversation with her, i stare.:scratchhead:

I am very much an individual person, and i dont NEED to have anyone around, i can do my own thing. I love being with her, and sharing my life with her(but apparently i dont).

We havent talked much in the last month. And at first i really missed her. But now because we talk and argue about the same thing ALL the time, i am just shutting down more and more.

Im afraid im going to start to fall out of love with her. And just give up. We have both changed as people alot. I feel that if we ever got back together this will always be in the back of our minds.

Sorry if it sounds like a ramble, its my first BIG relationship and ive never had a massive break up before..so its all new.

Any feedback would be helpful! Thanks!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to learn the skills of being married. I'm sure that she could use some lessons as well.

I suggest that get the books that are linked in my signature block under building a passionate marriage. Read the books together... one thing that really works well is when you take turn reading chapters aloud to each other. Discuss each chapter after reading it and do the exercises in the chapter. When you are done you will know what will make each of you happy and how to do it.

From what you have said in your post, it sounds like intimate touch and conversation are very important to your wife. 

Intimate touch is not just sex.. it can be just a passonate kiss, giving her a hug 3 times a day... or sitting with her, holdinger while you both watch TV. 

For conversations make sure to have one every day with her. If you cannot come up with topics, discuss the daily politics, or the crazy news from each day, or google 'conversation starters' and pick a topic from the sites that come up.


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## nataliology (Jan 6, 2012)

If you guys were together for years prior to the marriage, did you suddenly change in the last few months? I'm guessing not. I'm not sure why she'd suddenly have trouble with how you act/react now but didn't have trouble with it prior to marriage? 

All I can offer is what is helping me. We can't change our spouse, but we CAN work on improving ourselves. That in turn will improve our relationships if they are meant to work out. So, I'm taking this time away and I'm evaluating myself and what *I* can do to improve myself, my happiness, and my marriage.


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

go see a marriage counsellor it will save your marriage and be willing to be open and take on new skills


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