# Dont want to be a bitter ex wife...



## sunday girl (Jan 19, 2014)

Well after almost 6 month of separation, endless promises and healng heartbrake it seems I have to accept "its over". I dont want it to be, but i cant carry on trying with someone who clearly cannot be bothered with me or my needs. So here I am AGAIN with two children this time and a single mother. Yes I have my own house, job and car..(which had before we met 7 years ago)....I just really wanted my happy ever after, I dont want to start all over again......  Any advice on how to let your ex go, make the most of your life without getting bitter and wanting revenge etc? Everything he texts me at the moment is windng me up and I want to be spiteful....but that is not me and I hate feeling that way. I want to let him go to live the life he wants.......but I just feel so angry and resentful. Its only been two days.....any advice on how to retain your dignity and not turn into a bitter mess?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The best way to get over this is for you to focus on yourself and your kids. Fill your time with things you and your kids like to do.

How old are your children?

Is he the father of your children. From your post it sounds like he is not.


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## CrazyBeautiful1 (Oct 21, 2013)

sunday girl said:


> Well after almost 6 month of separation, endless promises and healng heartbrake it seems I have to accept "its over". I dont want it to be, but i cant carry on trying with someone who clearly cannot be bothered with me or my needs. So here I am AGAIN with two children this time and a single mother. Yes I have my own house, job and car..(which had before we met 7 years ago)....I just really wanted my happy ever after, I dont want to start all over again......  Any advice on how to let your ex go, make the most of your life without getting bitter and wanting revenge etc? Everything he texts me at the moment is windng me up and I want to be spiteful....but that is not me and I hate feeling that way. I want to let him go to live the life he wants.......but I just feel so angry and resentful. Its only been two days.....any advice on how to retain your dignity and not turn into a bitter mess?


I'm in the exact same position, except I only have one child. A month ago we ended a 6 month long false R. Empty promises, lying and cheating.. My advice to you is to go NC. Block his number if you can, because he is going to continue sending messages just to get a rise out of you. I know it's tempting to be spiteful, but it hits them harder when you simply ignore them, or responding in a cool and calm manner. Then they fail to achieve their goal of upsetting us.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but focus on yourself and your children and soon you will see that you're much better off! With a husband that fails to respect you or meet your needs, being alone eventually starts feeling better than constantly being hurt or upset. Good luck to you, stay strong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

My advice is just remember what he did and remember you don't want to go through that again. You are better off and once you let go the stress goes with it. I am to that point now and things are starting to look better. I am better off by myself with my two dogs than with him.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Only deal with text and e-mail on a 24 hour or greater basis. It lowers the emotional angst and promotes more thoughtful communication. IMO 48 or 72 hours is plenty of time unless you've got to look at communication for the kids - but even then if its important he can call.


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## sunday girl (Jan 19, 2014)

Thanks guys. My son is 13, not his, but been with him 7 years and have a 3 year old with him. I spent years being subject to his awful bitter ex wife, custody battles, nasty emails / court hearings which cost a fortune. Lots of upset all round. He divorced her before he met me but she made our life hell at every opportunity. I dont want to be like that, but I am feeling so rejected and let down. Hes got his smart new flat, hes debt free and just doing as he pleases and I just feel....cheated!! really I should feel blessed that I have my beautiful children living with me. I should count my blessings. I guess its early days. I just dont want to start point scoring. I did it yesterday and it didnt feel good. Im feeling awful about it today. I want to be a good "reasonable" person about this all. I dont know how I cope when he meets someone else.  x


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

sunday girl said:


> Thanks guys. My son is 13, not his, but been with him 7 years and have a 3 year old with him. I spent years being subject to his awful bitter ex wife, custody battles, nasty emails / court hearings which cost a fortune. Lots of upset all round. He divorced her before he met me but she made our life hell at every opportunity. I dont want to be like that, but I am feeling so rejected and let down. Hes got his smart new flat, hes debt free and just doing as he pleases and I just feel....cheated!! really I should feel blessed that I have my beautiful children living with me. I should count my blessings. I guess its early days. I just dont want to start point scoring. I did it yesterday and it didnt feel good. Im feeling awful about it today. I want to be a good "reasonable" person about this all. I dont know how I cope when he meets someone else.  x


Maybe try to remember that the new woman isn't exactly getting a prize. You know what she's getting.....take care of you and your kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

End all contact with him except about the child you have with him.

Only communicate via email and text. 

When I split with my son's father, this is what I did. I could not take his constant criticisms, verbal attacks, etc. So I told him to only use email and I stuck by that. It worked.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Don't answer his texts. 
Unless it is about something critical, like childcare issues, or financial commitments/ appointments for marriage or divorce... otherwise, ignore all comments & texts. 

Especially those you feel are digging at you. just don't reply.
Oh... and delete them. If you leave them in there... it is possible to dwell on how your ex is making you feel... and going back & re-reading & re-reading texts that do not encourage your wellbeing or happiness.

I know some like to keep bad texts to use as "proof" that the other is being unfair/mean.. etc in divorce trials.
If you can ignore them fine. If you go back & read them & stir up the bad feelings... anything that is detrimental to you mental health.. get it out of your phone!!!


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

I found this interesting. It ma or may not be a help to you.

How to act after a breakup


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Does he want to prevent you from being happy? Deny him that power.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sunday girl (Jan 19, 2014)

I love this advice thank you, yes Ive held on to the texts to prove to everyone how much he didnt care....but I suppose...what does it matter now? Im going to print that advice out and put it up on my fridge  x


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## sunday girl (Jan 19, 2014)

This forum really is a life line. Thank you so much for all your words. I have marriage counselling today but on my own, Im going to explain Ive had to call it a day, I think shell understand why. Shes probably quite relieved!! one step at a time I guess. x


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

After 2 breakups with 2 different men, perhaps you should take some time now to figure out why you chose the type of men you do. That'll distract your mind somewhat.


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## sunday girl (Jan 19, 2014)

The first 4 years we were really happy, we decided to have my daughter and he was fantastic, then I think he realised that family life wasnt for him. His last marriage broke down when his other daughter was 3 too. I think he loves the idea of being married with children, but just not the reality of it. He isnt a bad person, he just doesnt love me and the kids in the way I want him too.xx


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

This might sound a little too fluffy but,

if you truly forgive him and yourself for the problems of the past, the bitterness will be gone.

Forgiveness always sets the forgiver free,
Stretch


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

sunday girl said:


> Hes got his smart new flat, hes debt free and just doing as he pleases


If you don't want to be the bitter ex, then don't be. You are allowed to have a personal choice. Just like he chose to leave, you can choose to take the higher road and not be the bitter ex wife.

It is always difficult at the end of a relationship, but you will spring back from this after you have healed. Now is the time to focus on your and your children to get through this tough time and move forward.

Don't worry about what he is doing, karma has a way of coming back on people. May take a little while, but it usually does. 

And he is not debt free. He responsible for bringing a child into this world, he should have the debt associated with helping her to grow up. Do make sure he pays.


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