# Do your children get in the way of your relationship?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

I've just posted in General but thought I might also get slightly different feedback in Parenting; there was just (only less than 20 minutes ago) a somewhat fraught conversation with my partner who is due to arrive tomorrow evening from his home overseas for a week's stay/visit/whatever. 
We've been having (actually I've been having - he never apparently plays up for dad) serious discipline problems with our 9yo and for best part of two days he's been wonderful yet within the hour before due to speak to Dad he totally changed. I don't think the 'due to speak to Dad' is relevant to the change. Maybe he was tired, maybe whatever. I just don't know. But on the phone he told fibs about not having been given his supper yet, about not being able to watch TV/DVDs, and Dad of course doesn't know if that's true but kind of wants to make son think he believes him then I, upset at the lies, laugh down the phone and tell him it's all [email protected] So his next comment is what really set me off feeling bad... 'this happened last time'. Now if you don't know the backstory, we don't - because of various reasons *some* of which are my behaviours I'm trying to understand and change - live together and it's a huge thing. He has a home in another continent where I'm not allowed and son is (against my better judgement) and the 'visits' seem just that - visits. Not coming home to his family. anyway, to cut a long story short, I'm not parenting very well just now and having that phone call really set me off and possibly undid the good son and I have had the past day and a half. 
so was it me overreacting? Partner being insensitive? son sticking his two pennorth in because he'll get attention or whatever? I'm at my wits end and still have to clean the house and try to muster my interest in sex - maybe possibly if we sort ourselves out in the next 24 hours.... !


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

He has a home where you're not "allowed"? I'm sorry, but that seems incredibly odd to me for a relationship, especially one in which you share a child. 

As for this particular situation with your son....it sounds like you and your son's father aren't on the same page regarding the parenting, and your son knows that and is taking full advantage of that. Maybe he's acting up in hopes that his father will come home and stay home in order to get son under control? 

Or maybe son is just totally confused by your living arrangements (I'm 32, and I'm confused, so i can only imagine what a 9 yo must be trying to figure out), and he's acting out as a result of his confusion? 

It sounds like the 3 of you need to sit down and have some serious conversations and figure out a lot of things.


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