# I need some advice from the ladies...



## SadDad2 (Feb 23, 2010)

Hi. I have a thread going on under "Considering Divorce or Separation". THe link to the thread is 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/4126-am-i-crazy.html

Obviously my wife and I have been having problems. To make a long story short - I have been trying to get my wife to talk about "us" and I am getting tired of asking. Either it just isn't a good time to talk (which is understandably going on now due to work) or she doesn't feel like talking about it. We live in her hometown where all of her family are. They are all very nice, supportive and loving. My wife is the youngest of three girls and she is very close with the next oldest. I also feel pretty close to my sister-in-law...definitely more so than the eldest sister-in-law. My question is should I contact my sister-in-law and mention - without giving details - that we are having problems in our marriage, that I am trying to get my wife to talk, and ask if she has shared anything with my sister-in-law?


----------



## myerssasha (Mar 6, 2010)

yes I think so.. If she gets mad then just tell her that you did it because she would not talk to you so you had to find out some how.. Communication is a big deal in a relationship just as respect and trust.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

SadDad2 said:


> should I contact my sister-in-law and mention - without giving details - that we are having problems in our marriage, that I am trying to get my wife to talk, and ask if she has shared anything with my sister-in-law?


No way. If your wife doesnt want to talk to you, going behind her back and trying to get someone else to breech her trust is just wrong. you'll make it worse.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No. Even if your wife has talked to her sister, it's really none of the sister's business and your wife should be talking to you, as you should be talking to her. So quit tolerating avoidance--tell your wife you need to know and she can tell you now, or at a counseling appointment b/c you will not continue the fruitless effort of asking what's wrong. If your wife feels she isn't ready to have a conversation with you, then insist she get counseling alone and not share her thoughts with anyone other than you outside of counseling.


----------



## cimunique (Mar 6, 2010)

maybe she isnt ready to deal with her feelings yet. are the problems based on u or her? My husband once sent me flowers with a card saying how he felt his heart was stopping because he was feeling he was losing his reasoning for living . which was me . i thought it was cute. no pressure but i hope u can set aside sometime so u can revieve my heart. 
he then asked me out on a date ( which he planned everything) and told me to call him with a date and time . 
Maybe she don't want to dewell on the problems, she love u , she married u. maybe she just want u to show her u still love her . I know I didn't get busy with my career till my husband stopped noticing me. then it became my shield from the rejection i felt from him. By the time he noticed my career was at it's peck. we switched roles.:scratchhead:
talking to her family about yall business may upset her , for she may not even want anyone to know. u say u and her sister are close. ask her if ur wife has said anything to her . let the sister know u r concern , u maybe over-reacting , u just didn't want to risk losing her. if u messed up and u know why then give ur wife time to heal. it takes a woman six weeks to heal after having a child ...... a heart break takes longer and more work on ur part with alot of "I"M SORRY , show she can depend on u ... Meaning ur WORDS WILL BE YOUR BOND"" to her from this day forth till she say " u know what I forgive u And I see u love me .
good luck dude


----------



## Mo Simpson (Jun 3, 2009)

I would think long and hard about bringing your sister in law into this, your wife won't thank you and it will only make her clam up even more.

Hopefully you and your wife communicated before these problems, so you can again. You simply have to make her understand how serious this is and how much you need to talk to her.

At some point if she wants to save your marriage, she simply has to open up to you and start talking.


----------



## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i am going to go with most here don't go to sister in law... no no. that is her person to go to her venting system (sister would come to you if she thought ok i am sure she has heard all the problems) if you go to her now you will one be going behind wifes back and 2 putting the sister in the middle and that is a bad place to be.

i like the date time... send her flowers (your wife) and a note lets do dinner,,, get back to showing her you love her. corny yes but no matter how mad we want it we really do.


----------



## bigfamily (Mar 11, 2010)

You should definitely not go behind her back. Your problems should stay in your family and not be spread around. You will make it worse. You should try again to sit down and talk to your wife about your concerns. Take her out to dinner and try talking to her again.


----------

