# Does anyone think this is annoying or am I wrong?



## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

I have a 19 year old son. He has a serious girlfriend who I like very much. My son and girlfriend are both very good people. They are pleasant to be around, friendly and outgoing. Here is the thing, they are at my house 24/7. They are always lounging on the couch or cooking in my kitchen. My husband and I feel like we are roommates to them and we pay the mortgage!! They constantly are lounging on the couch(often on top of each other? she is constanly draped all over my son. It is driving me crazy because when I get home from work they are here, every weekend they are here. My house is not very big and I find myself squirreled away in my room just to have "me" time. I have recently told my son he HAS to go to her house at least three days a week and when I get home on those three day they are not to be here. My son is saying I am pushing him away and I feel guilty. Am I wrong asking for my space or is my son being immature? What can I do to help him see my point???? It is cause a lot of friction between my husband and me


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think it's great that your son still wants to hang around at home! So many teens hate their parents and 'home' and want nothing to do with it. It's a sign he loves you 

However, if they're interfering with your routine, there is no reason you can't lay down some ground rules. TV for example. Does he have one in his room? If not then you tell him when you want to watch and he has to find something else to do.

Do these kids have jobs? If not, why not? Studies? Homework? Do they contribute with household tasks? If not, they need to do so, starting now. It sounds from what you describe that they spend all their time doing nothing. That needs to change.

I wouldn't just kick them out, I would try and establish some boundaries and try to get them to be more productive, then I bet the time they're there won't be so arduous.


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## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> I think it's great that your son still wants to hang around at home! So many teens hate their parents and 'home' and want nothing to do with it. It's a sign he loves you
> 
> However, if they're interfering with your routine, there is no reason you can't lay down some ground rules. TV for example. Does he have one in his room? If not then you tell him when you want to watch and he has to find something else to do.
> 
> ...


I love the fact that they want to be with me. It truly warms my heart. All I ask is for some alone time here and there. I am not "kicking them out" I just asked that at least 2 or 3 times a week they hang out at her house. I told my son he doesn't have to leave I would just like an occasional break from the both of them. Its nothing personal against his girlfriend but I feel like I just need some time and break from seeing her all the time. She basically lives here and goes home only to sleep. I miss spending time with my son, but if he wants to spend every second with his girlfriend I just feel they should go out and do stuff or hang at her house with her parents every now and then. Is that wrong to feel that way?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Your feelings aren't wrong. It does sound to me like you may have a bit of a personality conflict with her. I may be totally wrong of course, just my take on it. My boys have had girlfriends that I don't want around that much too. I have found that if I tell them to start helping around the house they tend to not spend *quite* so much time there


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## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

I get along with her just fine. She helps me do anything I ask. She even cleaned the kitchen without being asked. They really are great kids. I love them dearly. Its just that I feel like I have company every single day. There are some days after work I want to just come home to my family and no "extras". I feel guilty for feeling this way, but its the truth. I don't have a family room so they always monopolize the TV, they always cook their own dinner during dinner time that I want to eat so I feel like I am a roommate to them. I just feel like I lost all privacy having her here 24/7. I feel so guilty and wish I didn't feel this way.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, set some ground rules. Tell them to get a TV for his room and quit monopolozing yours. Tell them they either eat what you're cooking or wait till you're done and get the hell out of your way.

Do they have jobs or studies? You didn't answer that. What do they do with their time?

It really does help to let go of the 'company' feeling with your kids boy/girl friends. Or any friends for that matter. I was able to do that long ago thank god, or I'd be nuts by now - I have 3 kids 19, 21 and 23. None live at home right now, though, although our daughter and her boyfriend did just move out a week ago. Right now I am blissfully aware of how much LESS I have to do around the house and how much more freedom I have to just sit on my own couch when I want to!


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## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

My son currently is working only part time and his girlfriend starts college in the fall. I know I need to let go of feeling like she is company. I am having a hard time with that. I am never at home at a time when she isn't here. Again, its not that I don't like her, I just don't want to live with her. So the rules I have set is that they have to go and do stuff outside of the home 3 nights a week and on those three days she has to be gone by the time I get home at 430. Otherwise they stay here and cook their dinner make a mess and then leave at 7pm. So I had to set a time for her to leave on my 3 nights of free time. I feel terrible, but I am not going to lie, it is so nice tonight because they are at her house and not all over each other on the couch. I miss having my son home though, but he wants to be with his girlfriend and I understand that.


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## bewilderness (Jun 11, 2013)

I'm trying to figure out which part bothers you most. Is it that they don't pay rent? Or that they don't help enough? Or just that they are around a lot.

If it is just that you want some time to yourself, part of me wants to say that is on you. I'm a firm believer in the adage that the person who wants something done is the one who should do it (the only exception to this is cleaning the bathroom). :smthumbup: So if they are relatively harmless (and even helpful at times), perhaps you should take yourself to a bookstore or a movie or a park to get some alone time?

They won't be around forever.  Maybe longer than you want them to be...but not forever. I agree that it is sweet that they want to be around you. A lot of adult kids hate their parents. And really -- at 19, they are still pretty much just kids.


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## lauren2013 (Jun 7, 2013)

bewilderness said:


> I'm trying to figure out which part bothers you most. Is it that they don't pay rent? Or that they don't help enough? Or just that they are around a lot.
> 
> If it is just that you want some time to yourself, part of me wants to say that is on you. I'm a firm believer in the adage that the person who wants something done is the one who should do it (the only exception to this is cleaning the bathroom). :smthumbup: So if they are relatively harmless (and even helpful at times), perhaps you should take yourself to a bookstore or a movie or a park to get some alone time?
> 
> They won't be around forever.  Maybe longer than you want them to be...but not forever. I agree that it is sweet that they want to be around you. A lot of adult kids hate their parents. And really -- at 19, they are still pretty much just kids.


What gets to me is only that they are always at my house, not the paying rent. You are right though he wont be around forever and someday I will miss having him wanting to be home  So I can get over it but my husband is pissed more than me, which I think is more stress than anything if I were honest. Thanks for your reply


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Who cares what your husband thinks - he sounds like an *******. Didn't he just ask for a divorce out of the blue one day?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Your son and his girlfriend are taking advantage of you.

I'd hold firm in your request that they don't hang out there 24/7 and don't let them guilt trip you as they have successfully done so far.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

If you need "Me" time, establish it as a Rule of the House.

Mom has "Me" time in the house every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday from 12 noon- 6 pm, or whatever works for you.

They can do whatever they want during that time, as long as it isn't in your house. That is YOUR time, and you and your DH's time.

I don't know if it would work in reality, but it's the tactic I'd try. My son is only 2.5 years, I am daydreaming of the day when I will be able to just let him run outside without having to be with him all the time.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

:scratchhead:
Isn't it his home too?


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

It sounds like they are huge homebodies, and not really taking advantage. I glean that the OP is an introvert and wants to come home to quiet most days without anyone around, or at least not see people constantly around the house. Nothing wrong with that. 

However, I'd approach the issue differently. Mention to the son stuff like "hey have you two seen ____ movie? Oh really? Maybe it would be a nice date for the two of you." Or try "I'm surprised you two haven't been out much lately. When school starts it might be too busy, so strike while the iron's hot."

I'm trying to understand the whole rent thing. I don't get it if rent would be demanded from the son since he already lives there and does help out. It doesn't sound like he's a freeloader or anything. But I DO understand how having his gf around almost 24/7 would be annoying. Sometimes having peace and quiet at home is worth more than gold. When I was 19, I craved getting OUT of the house. LOL


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