# Young Marriage Problems



## youngnnluv (Jul 22, 2009)

My wife and I got married when we were 18, the summer after we graduated. We had been together for 2 years. I love her. She's changed my life so much. I came from a family that hated me and she filled in the void. She helped me find myself and even to find Christ. She's saved me and I'm so grateful for her.
We've been married almost a year now, and so much has changed. I work and go to college full time. We both live upstairs in her parents house, they offered so that we could save money on rent while I was in school. She used to work, but just quit one day saying she didn't want to work. I told her that we have bills to pay and I'm barely scraping by and we'll never save money to buy a house together but she doesn't seem to care. She wants me to do all the work. She even suggested that I take more hours on top of all the stuff I'm doing. I don't have a day off as it is.

I love this girl, but lately she's been killing me. I always try to get intimate with her but she wont do it. We have sex probably twice a month if that and its leaving me frustrated. I don't remember the last time she even said "I love you." I say it every day...

I don't really mind about the whole job thing, but the thing is she doesn't do anything. She sleeps till noon, and stays up till 3am while I'm on a normal schedule working and going to school. The time I'm gone she doesn't do anything but sit with her mom and play on the computer and watch TV. I have to do all our laundry all the time because she wont do it. I clean our room cause she wont do it. I pay all the bills and do all the work and she does nothing. When I try to bring it up to her she says "Your the guy thats what you do."

I'm so frustrated. I'm trying to make this work but shes putting no effort into it. I feel unloved, overworked, and under-appreciated. We both have a plan to move out when I'm done with college and get a house but I have no idea how were going to do that if we have no money saved up.

What should I do?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

WHY did you get married? 

I understand you're (both) young...what was the reason you (both) felt you wanted/needed to get married? 

Even if she helped you find Christ...that's a personal journey (as I understand it). 

Have you talked to her parents about your situation? Who do they support most? What do they think? Do they have any advice? 

Do you have kids yet? (if not then DON'T!!!)

From my perspective...I'd separate with the idea of getting rid of her. It appears she's toxic for you. 

Why does she not want to be intimate? Everyone likes that! If she isn't willing to do it...she's got some kind of problem with something. 

I know this is a marriage forum, but sometimes you just have to fish or cut bait. 

You are her doormat, dude. She has a nice, easy ride now. 

Stop paying for anything! She can live off of her parents. Put your money away and look for an apartment. Move out as soon as you can...her parents will have to deal with her. She's due for a rude awakening.


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## XiaSulin (Jul 5, 2009)

> When I try to bring it up to her she says "Your the guy thats what you do.


Does she really believe in those gender rules? Because I've never heard of a woman expecting her husband to do the laundry (at least not one who abides by the gender rule).

You should try and bring it up in the sense of if she wants the relationship to work she has to give a little, and figure out what is keeping her from giving.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Her parents have given her a sense of entitlement by helping her without the condition they will do so only if she is also helping herself. So, she has a giant sense of entitilement.
I would make her mother or parents aware of this in a very calm and non angry way... as they may not realize whats going on.

Be very careful how you present it to her parents, as to only give them the information without judgement, let them make their own judgements.
I'd start there and to communicate to her you did not marry to have a dependent adult.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Stop paying for anything! She can live off of her parents. Put your money away and look for an apartment. Move out as soon as you can...her parents will have to deal with her. She's due for a rude awakening.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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