# one month separated



## Ryan2711 (Apr 22, 2013)

Hi im Ryan i have now been separated for a month. reasons of separation are my x wife has played games done petty things etc for about 6 years. i have came to terms with the fact i havent dealt with them right so trying to figure that one out. have cued up counselling but are on waiting list. i think i always try and do what is right try be the bigger person brush the problems of my shoulder but im afraid i just put them on my wifes instead when she had no power to fix them. another issue was since we had our son i have had him with me all the time which i love but means that me and my wife didnt get to go out together etc. My wife got depressed everytime my x did something started going out to run away from it and my two other boys i had with my x. it got to her breaking point where she asked me what to do. i said i think you should move out so i can sort it and she isnt in the middle of it. since we have been separated we talk everyday txt everyday open and honest bout everything ive written etc. in fact i think the communication is better than when we were together. we have made rules like the thing that will ruin what we have is sleeping with other people etc neither of us want to date other people. i think there is some problem in her own life she needs to fix not sure if i should point them out to her or let her figure that one out. i havent been needy dont beg her to come back ive only said i miss her a few times and only cause she asked. only reply to her txt only ring if i have to trying to give her space as much as possible. doing my own thing out doing hobbies of mine hanging with friends which i am enjoying. i think bout her all the time want her back but just waiting for her really. i dont put any pressure on her but her friends family seem to. the other day i got a message after asking if she was ok after people pressuring her 'i dont know if i love you i dont know' which i replied 'weather you love me or not its going to be ok' then the next one was 'I love! i just don't think i can romanitically atm'. i wish everyone one would leave her alone so she can figure it out her self lol. im not worried if you dont give me advice just need to get it out


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Separations often lead to comfort, to Independence Hall, lead the old arrangements to ashes.

You MUST decide what it is YOU want and share it with HER, your wife. 
SHE must do the same, in sharing her wants.

Likely, at this point, neither of you know.

In the meantime, stay away from your exes....
That is, if you want your marriage to reconcile.

Good luck.



Lilith McGarvey-


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I love you but I'm not in love with you (ILYBNILWY), is a phrase many a spouse has said, someone else is feeding her a line of BS. Is it you? And is searching for himself/herself. While you got your little one.( Good for you), but..... Excuses excuses excuses.

Why haven't you asked her to return and handle it differently. You saw where your first marriage went, down are you that controlling? of issues? 

Do tell more of the issues your X is putting in your marriage.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

When you marry a person with young children you have to accept that they will be around for all or a lot of the time, and that there has to be contact with the other parent. 

I think that being separated is just going to make things worse, but hopefully the counselling with help.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

ILYBNILWY IS ONE OF THE FIRST RED FLAGS A CHEATER SAYS. Another is cutting back on sex.

Need more information.

What is the deal with your ex? If she doesn’t act right you should only be communicating by text or email. Why is she your ex?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Save yourself, be the best man you can be. In this case cut off any thoughts of it's all your fault, and any communication not dealing with kids.

Then you'll become the best father you can to your children and be a best version of yourself for future female friends.

She's not worrying about your welfare my friend, tragic as that is to say and hear.

You've got to plan your future without her or your peace of mind will remain hers to twist about over and over.

Save yourself.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

"separated for a month"...One month of WW party time!...OM time! 

Do not think of her idealistically. 

Contact an attorney.


----------



## Ryan2711 (Apr 22, 2013)

Hi again thanks for replies. as far as the x we have minimal contact and only bout the kids i answer with mostly one word answers. sometimes get nasty messages from her don't reply. this is the latest thing and sums up what she does and how it affects everyone. i made some stickers for kids lunchboxs with their names and a picture. next time i have them they are gone. ask the kids if they took them off they said mum did asked why they don't know i said doesn't that make you feel awkward they said yes. so left it at that but next time i have them i notice now she is writing on their lunchboxes Dey Bower. their last name is bower legally and she has never talked to me bout putting her new name in their. once again have to explain to kids she knows it will hurt me and knows it puts you guys in an awkward situation. i hit her up bout things but never does anything bout it just blames me or say they aint problems. as for me and my wife we have talked bout the things i have wrote here and i dont blame myself but i do take responsibility for my part in this. there is some issues i have with her to that im going to talk to her bout tomorrow. wish me luck 
thank you all


----------

