# Low drive ever go back to High drive



## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

Wife was hd for years. She had an EA maybe PA. We stayed together but now she is very LD. Does it ever come back?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

The circumstances you describe make it sound like a sexual intimacy issue and not a physical one. Can it come back - sure it can. Does she want it to? Did you guys go to counseling after her affair?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

javawave said:


> Wife was hd for years. She had an EA maybe PA. We stayed together but now she is very LD. Does it ever come back?


If she wants it, frequent copulations until orgasm. I'd be doing several a day, to build up a high sex requirement.


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

Yes we went together and Individually for several months. It's tough for me. I miss the intimacy. The fun. It's still good when it happens. Once every couple of weeks. I just get tired of the rejection the other 13 days.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

It depends on the causes of her going LD, is she on meds?


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

No. Just claims to be tired. Tooth pressure. Ya Ya Da


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

javawave said:


> No. Just claims to be tired. Tooth pressure. Ya Ya Da


But if she "says" she wants to get back to HD, she will have to go through the work required. 

I'd say going thru a month of multiple times a day sex sessions would raise her sex expectation and HUNGER back up... That's what it is HUNGER.


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

I think you missed the point. She is ok with her low drive. I want her to be back to HD.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

javawave said:


> I think you missed the point. She is ok with her low drive. I want her to be back to HD.


The only way you can raise her drive without her wanting it raised is to work through her "lymbic" attractions systems in her brain as Machiavelli would put it...

You can't ask for it, you cannot let her know this is what you want...

And even then on this TAM we have a guy with six pack chippendale physique making over $300k/year, actor good looks still cannot have sexual relations with his own wife... So sometimes it literally is impossible, because she may just have made a committment to not having sex with you. 

Outside of that, most people can become more attractive to someone else. Also using social proofing and validation, I'm not really a fan of what "everybody thinks", but for many they are willing to jump on bandwagons, if you know that's how it really is, you may as well use it for your advantage. So if all the women think that your wifes husband is "hot", and how they would have sex with him all the time, etc, etc - you are winning then.

Kindest regards.


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## camillaj (Aug 3, 2013)

If this happened after an affair she might have lost the interest.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

camillaj said:


> If this happened after an affair she might have lost the interest.


He stole your fire, stole your thunder...


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

I fear that to be correct


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

javawave said:


> I fear that to be correct


She cheated on you?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I think Trey is right. More frequent sex will build her sex drive if she approaches it correctly. Being tired and in pain (moderate pain) wouldn't prevent a woman who already has a good sex drive to not want sex. 

The trick is for her to build her passion, for you to help her build her passion....her passion for sex and her passion for you. You have to know what pushes her buttons, not just sex buttons but what makes her feel attracted to you, what makes her feel sexy, erotic, wanted? 

Married people tend to take each other for granted. back when you were dating, if she made you a nice dinner how did you respond? If you made plans to go somewhere and she was all dolled up, how did you respond? 

If she saw you talking with another woman how did she respond? You don't have to have an affair but for her to see that other women are attracted to you, that you lightly flirt with them...that makes a wife remember what it was she saw in her man in the first place.

When I was getting my sex drive back my marriage sucked! I built my passion for sex without my husbands assistance because I wanted to be normal. Now my marriage is better but I'm still working on building my attraction to my husband.

I think you might also benefit from that book all the men here tout, Married Man's Sex Life ...or something. Build your attraction to all women so your wife remembers why she wanted you in the first place.


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

Trey, she's says not. Has continued to claim EA only all this time


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

javawave said:


> Trey, she's says not. Has continued to claim EA only all this time


I know how it feels. You had all that time and attention and it wasn't costing her one cent then. She felt like it was a benefit. Now that aspect of you guys life isn't important, she's doing all this stuff with friends while you maintain a stable and harmless phisod against her, a loving one though.

It's hard to believe with the galavanting and having to celebrate with female friends and under the guise of alcohol... That nothing, not even kissing on a stripper or something happened(s).

But as you see, we cannot focus on this aspect of it. It is a reality that occurs, if you focus on it, you will become paranoid or just weaker in your mind.

Have faith, and take care of yourself. Ask without stress or power, why can't you have some of the fun with her and go at least one half the time...

And we pray that she hasn't found some other interest to put all that time and attention on. I know.... Sometimes while they are in discovery the thrill of the "new", is so enticing... Maybe one day they will learn in the end it's just people.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

javawave said:


> Wife was hd for years. She had an EA maybe PA. We stayed together but now she is very LD. Does it ever come back?



Your wife had the affair and cheated, breaking your marriage vows.

She was HD before this and now is LD after this.

She says it only was an EA.

If it was only an EA, it shouldn't of killed her sex drive.

If it was also a PA, and on going, I can see the really low sex drive.

She should be going to marriage counseling with you and making a serious effort to get the sex high and crazy once again. In fact, if she loves you, she should be all over you from her cheating and the guilt, instead of little to no sex.


For example, if I was cheating on my wife with OW with a high sex drive and very adventurous, I wouldn't be having much sex at all with my wife because my needs are taken care of. If I was caught and said it was only an EA, but still no sex drive with my wife, I would probably be discrete with this OW.


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## camillaj (Aug 3, 2013)

She maybe still has a strong emotional attachment to her former (?) affair partner which prevents her having sex with you. It's what most of the time stops people from cheating.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

camillaj said:


> *She maybe still has a strong emotional attachment to her former (?) affair partner which prevents her having sex with you*. It's what most of the time stops people from cheating.


Not only not having sex, but claiming to not want it because of "XYZ" reasons.
People don't just go from HD to LD for the reasons she's given for the length of time she's been doing it. 
If I was in your position, I would go into stealth mode, see if she is still in contact with the OM, that right there could be the reason why she's holding back with you.
Or worse case, she's till having an affair, BUT best case for you, you're able to become aware of it.


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