# What Happened?!



## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

Wife came home, approached me while I was sitting at my desk and told me to come with her to the kitchen to sign divorce papers. I swear that they were as thick as a phonebook. I was honestly surprised by all of this. I've told her that I wasn't going to sign anything.

It all started about a few weeks ago when I discussed with her about my daughter (from a previous marriage) coming into town and visiting and introducing her baby to the family. She was going to stay for a total of four days, but ended up staying for a week. I had made my wife aware of the schedule change and that is when everything went south.

She said that she wanted for my daughter to stick to her original plan of only four days. When I told her that wasn't possible, she said, well then, she needs to go somewhere else. I had stated that I was not going to put my daughter and granddaughter on the streets. I didn't see what the big deal was for them to stay at the house. She persisted and refused to compromise.

I had said, where my daughter and granddaughter go, I will go. She said, "That's fine with me!". My wife packed her things and left the home for three days when my daughter arrived. Before the four days was up, I had made other arrangements and my daughter and I went to visit with other friends and family for a few days.

While I was away, my wife's anger grew and went out to file for a divorce. When I came home a day later, that is when she presented me with the papers.

She had mentioned that I had lied to her and that I had perviously known about my daughter's extended stay. I had told her that I was not aware of it until the last minute, but she was also privy to that information when she saw the travel itinerary. I was upfront and honest during all of this and didn't think that it would lead to something so crazy and insane.

Wife told me to sign the divorce papers and I told her that I am not signing anything. She got mad and called 9-1-1. The cops arrived and she told them that she wanted me out of the house. The cops told her that I didn't have to go and that we should probably seek out some type of counseling. This made her even more upset. She pulled out her phone, called the service provider and had my cell phone service stopped. She is the primary on the account.

She says that she loves me and is in love with me, but doesn't trust me. For that, she wants a divorce and the sooner the better.

I love my wife and after only a year and a half of marriage, I am torn apart by all of this. She won't talk to me and she is getting a lot of guidance from her "friends". Funny, they all told me how wonderful I was with her and how blessed she was to have me. Now it is, "off with his head!"

My wife has an issue with my daughter because she went out, had sex, and got pregnant. My daughter went to live with her mother in another state because it was just a better situation at that time for her to be focused and to have a healthy and happy baby.

My wife won't even let me see the divorce papers to read them over unless I am signing them. Well, I am not signing anything. I would really like to work this out, but she has become unmovable. I am in a depression and falling fast.

How did I get to this point?!


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Woah, seems like your relationship went from 0-60 in like...2 seconds. Were you guys having any problems before this?


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

Peeps678 said:


> Woah, seems like your relationship went from 0-60 in like...2 seconds. Were you guys having any problems before this?



Nothing more than the usual marital issues. She had a hysterectomy back in January, and that has caused her emotional levels to fly in every direction.

She seems pretty rooted in wanting to end the marriage. She is talking to people who are telling her exactly what it is that she wants to hear. Facts seem unimportant and fiction is surely a better read for her right now. I just want to resolve this in a peaceful manner or just stop and let me off of the Merry-Go-Round all together.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

First, sorry for the CRAZY Bicch. Second, This is a POWER play. Third, No one gets Divorce paper from a lawyer because of an over night guest. (NOT even my Crazy Ex would do that.)

There is something else in play here. Either MONEY or SEX! I am going to guess money.

Just my 2 cents. David


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Does your wife and daughter not get along? Have they always been that way? It seems pretty selfish for her to not want her there for a few extra days. Id be pretty ticked because no one could tell me that my daughter couldn't stay in my house....especially if there is a grand-baby involved! 

I agree with David that it seems like something more is going on.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Glad you didn't sign, has she always been well um such a b*ch? You have every right to have your daughter stay as long as you wanted to. And please realize it's not you, it's her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

Thanks David and Peeps... 

Money is always an issue! I know that she is feeling stressed, but then again, so is everyone. She is not that good with finances. She likes to spend money even when she doesn't have it, and then she likes to say that I am the one who is bad with finances.

I was shredding some opened mail, and there were a few items in where she was applying for more credit but was denied due to having prior accounts in collections and so on and so forth. I have been the one to normally take care of the "professional" items within our marriage. Such as letters to lawyers, creditors, HOA, and I am the point of contact. She has shut me down and even though I gave her an itemized list of things to do, she has disregarded them.

She wants to be in control of everything and she is very stubborn. Now, I am not throwing her under the bus because obviously I knew this before I married her and continued to marry her anyway. There has to be a balance. We can only do so much, but where she needs to make cuts, she doesn't. So, the money situation gets worse and the hole deepens.

I guess that I should apologize to her for not hitting the Powerball jackpot last week. But yes, money does have a play in all of this.

She really isn't thinking about the future. All that she can see is the now. Getting rid of me doesn't make things better, it is only going to make things harder on her.

I am at my wits end and I am dreading the time when she walks into the house.


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Obviously she doesnt realize that once the divorce is final, her finances will become way worse if she keeps going the way she is. You were obviously the one that held the two of you together.


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

Peeps678 said:


> Does your wife and daughter not get along? Have they always been that way? It seems pretty selfish for her to not want her there for a few extra days. Id be pretty ticked because no one could tell me that my daughter couldn't stay in my house....especially if there is a grand-baby involved!
> 
> I agree with David that it seems like something more is going on.


My W likes to judge and doesn't like to make for apologies when she is wrong. But she will tell you to apologize to her in an instant. My daughter was and is being judged because she got pregnant. My W is playing the moral card on her. She says that my daughter has violated the "house rules" when she lived here. I was trying to remember back when I was 18 and didn't violate the "house rules"!

I had mentioned to her that when she was her age, she was doing the same thing. The only thing is, she didn't have a teenage pregnancy. So sitting high on her throne was not something that I found useful in our discussion.

There was no way in hell was I going to let my daughter and granddaughter be anywhere else than with me! My W may have an illogical issue with their visit, but I am not one to judge. She is my daughter and I love her without question. My W wanting me to select her over my daughter in this situation was a bad move and demonstrated a lack of maturity, ethics, and decency. Selfish is another word that comes to mind.

I will work with my W all day if that is what it takes to save my marriage, but what she was asking for is where the line was drawn.


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

Peeps678 said:


> Obviously she doesnt realize that once the divorce is final, her finances will become way worse if she keeps going the way she is. You were obviously the one that held the two of you together.


You have no idea just how much truth are in your words Peeps. If she continues on this road, she will lose the house. The HOA just placed a lien on the property yesterday. That is an issue when you are trying to refinance to get the bank off of your back. I had made her aware of this since she found it necessary to hide the mailbox key from me and also change the password and banking information. This is on her.

Her "friends" are giving her all of this "advice". If the home is lost, how long will they continue to support her when she has no place to go? 

I have been trying to keep our home and our marriage in tact. A divorce at this level over this crap will destroy everything. Like I've said, selfish.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Yeah..this seems like an eruption that was long in the building...with the daughter issues being the thing that she used to get something going that obviously she had been mulling for a while...that is why you feel clueless as to why the punishment doesn't seem to fit the crime...Could be:

A. Emotional/chemical imbalance. I recall a story of a pastor's wife who during her menstruation cycle...she snapped and turned to the congregation, yelling, "And you can ALL go to hell!!" While her outburst could result in that...typically they feel remorseful after the cooling down period...so her running to get papers drawn up show a degree of premeditative planning.

B. Infidelity. But infidelity has some symptoms of their own (not always) Secretive behavior, excuses that seem rehearsed/don't add up, emotional withdrawal, demands for privacy with computer/phone, blowing up at spouse, irritability, sometime periods of unexplained sadness and weeping (cos they are mourning their marriage as they know they have decided to leave), a greater frequency of being away from home, and sometimes accusing spouse of cheating themselves. Now she may display these signs, but it doesn't mean it's cheating...but when they leave, they leave unexplicably and feel entitled to everything. If you suspect this, don't act unless you have gotten your hands on PROOF. 

C. Growing resentment of a particular issue...the issue may not be your daughter per se...perhaps she resents a familiar pattern that she sees in you...no boundaries...caring more about others than the integrity of your marriage unit. This often can lead to B.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Umoja said:


> Her "friends" are giving her all of this "advice". If the home is lost, how long will they continue to support her when she has no place to go?
> .


I'm sure they will support her as needed. like for five minutes tops:rofl:

I guess all I can say is read up on the no more Mr. Nice guy until you figure out what to do next


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

I've read the 180. I haven't read that in a couple of years. I needed the reminder.

Tomorrow is another day.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

You need to get a couple of voice activated recorders and get some more information. Put one under the seat of her car. There's WAY more to this story.


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## NotEZ (Sep 23, 2012)

I may have missed it, but what are your ages? Specifically hers. And the hysterectomy she had in January, was that by choice or necessity? Was she/you done having children?

The only reason I ask that is because if it wasn't by choice and she still wanted children, it could somewhat explain her reaction to your daughter coming to visit with the child she got "from a night of fun". Not excusing it, just that it could be an explanation.

Another explanation is that she is depressed. Not everyone is just unresponsive. I went through it for about 6 months before I got help and during that time, I kicked my H out during a fight because he cleaned the house and threw out a receipt I needed, (realized that was a mistake an hour later, he's still gone), I threw money out the window because it allowed me to concentrate on anything but my F'ed up life, and then I quit my high paying job that I absolutely loved because I still wasn't happy and that must have been it. I ruined everything in 6 months and, unlike what is usually suggested, there wasn't anyone else involved in my downfall but me. Major regrets on my part... 6 months ruined my entire life (what I had thus far, anyways).


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

NotEZ... I am 44 and she is 45. She was done having children, and I was too! She was counting down the days and hours until her surgery, so, as far as I know, she was not having the feelings like you have mentioned.

I will say that she is in "Destructive Mode" right now. She is ignoring many signs that are signaling that a very serious storm is on the horizon.

One of the things that I find to be like a drug is the so-called support from all the "Chatty Hens". She is getting "advice" from people who do not even have their own relationships in check. It's almost sad to watch because you just know where all of this is heading.

I've had some people tell me that she is going to seriously regret her actions and maybe come around soon. Well, I am not holding my breath. Like I have stated in my previous post, I have read the 180 again and I am on that train. I don't have the time nor the energy to sit around and stew in my own sorrows. I have done nothing wrong and I do not have anything to apologize for.

She wants to be controlling and have everything in her favor. Sad thing for her is that reality doesn't work out that way. And friends are only friends as long as you don't need anything from them. She may figure all of this out and then again, she may not. Either way, I am not sitting here hoping for some "Hail Mary" pass.

I love her, on the other hand, I am not going to be something for her to verbally beat on and mentally drain. I am no one's fool.


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

I was able to get about 30-40 minutes of her time to discuss or argue about what is going on and her severe misconceptions and faulty timeline. I guess that I will never get over how fiction seems to be way more interesting that actual facts. But, acknowledging actual facts might expose in where they are wrong, and we all know that we can't have that!

She went to a party or celebration today with her friends. I am glad that she is fully enjoying Memorial Day. I'm a veteran and actually served in a war, so it pleases me knowing that my fallen brothers and sisters have paved a way for her to enjoy herself on this day while crapping on a veteran who she is married to.

I do not see the point of saying anything further to her. I will no longer attempt to start any conversations or even speak to her. The interesting thing is, she is really trying to get me to speak out. She walks around the house on her cell phone talking to her friends about me. She isn't even trying to be under cover about it. Now, what I really don't understand is that she tells me that she doesn't want to discuss these issues, but yet, she calls her friends to talk about them. She doesn't want to deal with me or talk to me, but she enjoys talking about me. I am throughly confused.

This Memorial Day will surely go down in history for me. I only wish that I could forget this day or sequence of events. Maybe some alcohol will aid me in my quest.

I will talk to the lawyer tomorrow and make my next move. This is like a chess game. In the end, I will have to walk off so that I can save what is left of my mind and spirit. She is really making things difficult for me and I know that it is not about to get any better.

Happy Memorial Day everyone. Remember the fallen...


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

She's walking around the house on her phone talking about you for one reason only, she's trying to get a rise out of you. Once she sees that it doesnt phase you, she may back off from doing it. But, it might make her more mad and do more things to try to tick you off. Just keep your cool.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm not sure here but depending on the state, I don't think your were properly served, so at least you don't have to go to court any time soon.

Your old lady is bat sh1t crazy if she thinks any one in there right mind would sign something like that with out having a lawyer look at them.

So please get to a lawyer ASAP and understand your options....if it was me I would have my lawyer write up my own divorce papers and have her served at work.

Also go get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and carry it on you when ever you have to interact with this women....having this recorder will prevent another ettempt in falsely accusing you by calling the cops and telling them you threated her or hit her.


As sad as it is, you have to protect your self so please do not wait in getting the VAR and seeing a lawyer.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Thank you for your service to our country! Sorry you are going through this -- your story is vexing, indeed, as to why your spouse went off the rails over one disagreement. Has there been much fighting/arguing through your marriage? Wishing you the best!

Kind Regards- A12


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

Awakening2012 said:


> Thank you for your service to our country! Sorry you are going through this -- your story is vexing, indeed, as to why your spouse went off the rails over one disagreement. Has there been much fighting/arguing through your marriage? Wishing you the best!
> 
> Kind Regards- A12


Thank you.

We've had the usual types of disagreements. She is one who likes to be right ALL of the time. So backing down is not something that she generally agrees to do. But, without ever having to say that she is wrong, she just rolls back into things and apologizes without ever having to say the actual words.

This time, she went and got divorce papers. Talking to her has become virtually impossible. She treats me like a complete and total stranger. I do not know who this person is.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe she is screwing a round on you? Have you quitely investigated her?


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## Umoja (Dec 26, 2011)

the guy said:


> Maybe she is screwing a round on you? Have you quitely investigated her?


I am not going to do any "Secret Squirrel" operations. I am going to take the mature adult approach to all of this. If she is screwing around, then there is nothing that I can do about it. It will all come back and bite her. Karma is slow, but when it arrives, it usually speaks loud.

We have been having some financial issues (of course) and this could also have caused her to lose her ever loving mind, but her actions are far from "normal", even for her. 

Like you've said earlier... she's just bat sh1t crazy.


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