# Positivity and Appreciation



## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Hello, ladies (and maybe men, but figured mostly women on this board)...

It is therapeutic for me to list and share specific positive things I appreciate about my husband and our relationship, since I've been feeling so negative lately. Even though it's not a typical thread here, it does help me, and our therapist suggested we do this...Feel free to add your own appreciations here if it helps you too.

What I'm learning is that a lot of things are two sides of the same coin--that some of these "good" things I appreciate, can seem like "bad" things I don't like sometimes, either if they're out of balance or delivered in a certain way.

He's financially responsible.
He supports my professional and academic endeavors.
He asks me how my day was when he gets home from work (even if he doesn't always want to actually listen to the answer. )
He's willing to go to therapy with me and is trying to use the tools we're learning.
He happily spends time with his in-laws.
He says thank you for dinner when I cook.
He keeps me in the loop about what's going on with him at work, and he's had a stressful couple of weeks.
He respects my choices to spend time the way I want. 
He trusts me.
(Two-sided coin here: the above two can come across as him "not caring," if they aren't balanced out by other things.)
When I came home after being out of town, he showed me he was happy I was back--in his actions and attitude, not his words.

Like I said, feel free to add your own if it is therapeutic for you too.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I've been sort of negative lately too. So I read your post and thought of some "positives" about my husband. 

He thanks me when I do something for him.
He gets the newspaper from outside and puts it in the house for me (I'm the only one that reads it).
I get a goodbye kiss each and every time I/or he leaves the house or we meet for lunch somewhere.
He's willing to go to therapy by himself and with me.
He doesn't mind spending time with his mother-in-law.
He has no issues with my choices in the things I want to do.
He is generous with his money when he needs to be.
He's a great lover (when we do have sex).

Okay - maybe I'll feel better now! Would love to see his list.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Yay!

I can add this to my list:

He said some introspective and constructive things in counseling yesterday, we left our session "on the same page," and we are going back for another session in less than a week!


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## Stellabell (Nov 4, 2010)

I think this is a great idea!

He says thank you
He loves to laugh
He often cooks
He gets over fights quickly 
He helps my family with projects around the house, willingly and happily
He enjoys spending time with the in-laws

When I think about all the positive things, I realize I don't have much to complain about.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

He is fun and funny. He makes me laugh.
He thinks I am fun and funny and that I make him laugh.
He is good in bed; good, giving, game.
He argues to solve not to win. He is patient and TRIES to understand where I am coming from, even when it is an uphill battle.
He is a terrific father.
He doesn't stress the little stuff


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

He is incredibly helpful.
He can be insightful and help me come up with great ideas when I'm writing an article.
He always thinks of what I want to do when we're making plans, big or small.
He can be affectionate and cuddly,
life in the bedroom is good.

That helped a little; I came back to this thread mildly annoyed with my DH.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I like to read positive stuff!
I also like to write positive stuff!

Appreciation for my husband:
1: He is a very faithful man, he doesn't make me feel insecure.
2: He is a romantic lover, satisfy all my needs sexually.
3: He is a responsible man, he knows that he should have a stable income, even though I make good money.
4: He is a happy man, he is rarely upset, he always comes home peaceful from work, I don't hear anything bad happened at work. I tend to worry if he is not happy or healthy. I am glad that I don't have this problem. 
5: He is a well-mannered man. He dresses well, grooms well, keeps a neat goatee, very polite to people, very easy going, never gets into unpleasant event with anybody. For people he doesn't like, he just ignores, he doesn't get into arguments with them. 
6: He is firm. He won't do anything which he doesn't like to do. people can't force their opinions on him, he reads a lot, he learns a lot, he has a quite balanced view about life.
7: He is very affectionate and considerate, for tiny tiny things, he makes sure that I am well taken care of. 
8: Can't finish.................love pouring out when I am writing all these!!!

I am married to a wonderful man which I have no complaints for. With all the good things I have from a man like him, I should only feel grateful towards life......................


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

He is very faithful to me and lets the world know he loves me and I'm important to him.
He's made an effort to learn enough about what I'm writing about for my thesis, that he can explain it to other people when they ask.
He's a great dancer and lots of fun to dance with.
He's very generous.
He cares about his in-laws and my extended family, and remembers all of their names (and there are a lot of them!).
He takes care of things I need around the house even if I don't ask him to.
He holds my hand when we go for walks together.
He likes to explore new places with me.
He's honest and open about his life.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Fabulous thread ladies, Fabulous. Indeed we should count our blessings and know what they are because we sure can lose them if we don't know. I did mine and often told my wife I was truly blessed to have her by my side.

Bob


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

What is you can't list anything positive or appreciative?


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I love this thread too, great idea! I'm not really putting mine in order of importance but just thinking of them as I go.

1. He's funny and makes me laugh
2. He's laid back and easy going which is a great pair to my high strung emotional self
3. He supports me and listens to me and offers good advice
4. He's hot, I love the way he looks and his smile and his touch
5. He's a great lover
6. He's a great financial support and provides 100% for our family
7. He loves his kids and is a great, spectacular father
8. He's loyal and faithful
9. He makes me a better person than I would be without him
10. After 14 years he can still surprise me
11. He keeps his family safe and protected
12. He supports my dreams and ideas
13. He's a talented artist and I admire his abilities and skills
14. He's not afraid to admit when he's wrong

I'm sure there's more but these are what come to mind.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Anonny123 said:


> What is you can't list anything positive or appreciative?


If you’re referring to me Annoy I’ve loads of things to list. In fact I’ve made a two hour video made up of 3,000 images from 1968 onwards about my blessings and appreciation for my wife. But my wife never counted her blessings and ended up a bitter and resentful woman.

That’s why I say it’s a fabulous thing for you ladies to do.

Here’s a few of mine.
My wife always stayed within her BMI. She more or less looked the same in her 50s as she did in her teens even after two sons. My wife always remained desirable to me. My wife never, not once, said no to “sex”. I never went without a dinner cooked from fresh ingredients in near 40 years of marriage. My wife was exceptional frugal with the household budget and never ever over spent on anything or got herself into debt. I never went without clean clothes in my wardrobe. My family truly loved my wife and their faces lit up when they saw her. My wife never criticised my family. My two sons love their mother very deeply and will do anything for her. My wife is a fabulous hostess and people would come to our home to see her and enjoy her meals. My wife was ultra dependable in her job and always got fabulous references. My wife is the most feminine woman I’ve ever known. I was very proud of my wife. I was deeply in love with my wife. I feel truly blessed for those and other things even though I am no longer with my wife. I truly know my blessings. And of course she put up with the downside of me for 42 years.

Bob


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

AFEH said:


> If you’re referring to me Annoy I’ve loads of things to list. In fact I’ve made a two hour video made up of 3,000 images from 1968 onwards about my blessings and appreciation for my wife. But my wife never counted her blessings and ended up a bitter and resentful woman.
> 
> That’s why I say it’s a fabulous thing for you ladies to do.
> 
> ...


Damn, you make me want to marry your wife. What the heck, how could you let her go?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Damn, you make me want to marry your wife. What the heck, how could you let her go?


AFEH.
A = Lack of Appreciation.
F = Unable to Forgive = False Accusations = Embittered Wife.
EH = Lack of Emotional Honesty = Unauthentic Marriage.

It really is quite simple. At least for me. If my wife could have done those things she would still have been by my side, if she’d wanted to be. She didn’t do them so she doesn’t get the choice.

It’s not a revenge thing. I just could not live with her anymore because of those things.

Bob


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Anonny123 said:


> What is you can't list anything positive or appreciative?


Annony, that's exactly why I posted a list.

It is exactly when I feel like it's hard to see anything positive or appreciative and when i feel more negative than positive, that I have to force myself to. And it actually helps. In fact, I'm more likely to add things to the list when I'm irritated or upset with my husband.

It's easier sometimes to dwell on what's negative, but I find when I make myself actually "look for" the good things, I feel better.

I don't know your whole story, but I am sorry if you feel that way right now. I hope there are some positive things in there you can find and appreciate.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

AFEH said:


> AFEH.
> A = Lack of Appreciation.
> F = Unable to Forgive = False Accusations = Embittered Wife.
> EH = Lack of Emotional Honesty = Unauthentic Marriage.
> ...


I understand but still your wife seems like a great woman.


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## 123 (Aug 13, 2010)

Wonderful idea....

He makes me laugh everyday
He tells me I am beautiful
He is a wonderful lover
He flirts with me daily
He is responsible / great work ethic
He is a wonderful father
He treats my son as his own (I think he would argue that he is his own and I agree)
He is faithful
He shares my family values
Nothing I do goes unnoticed or unappreciated

*He Loves ME!*


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Love this thread.Here are mine:

1. He always cuddles with me for a bit at night
2. He likes to touch me sexually and non sexually
3. He always appreciates what I do around the house ( this is new)
4. He will help me pick out sexy lingerie
5. He will tell me what he likes aboutme
6. He will tell me what he likes to see me wear
7. He is very financially responsible
8. He makes me laugh so hard I almost cry
9. He can look at me sometimes and I see the love in his eyes
10. He will take showers with me


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

hmmm, if anyone's read my posts from the past 24 hours, you may want to laugh, cry, or throw the "DENIAL" flag at me. Eh, I'll add to my list anyway; I know different things can be true at once:

He IS able to communicate with me rationally about something difficult, after he's had a chance to calm down.
He can say he's sorry when he's made a mistake.
He goes out of his way for me.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

He holds my hand in church, especially if he knows I'm cold.
He tells me I'm beautiful.
He smiles at me and says "Good morning" when he wakes up.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

The other night in counseling, he was open and accepting of what I had to say. He really showed that he wants us to move forward. He recognized the things that impede HIM from emotionally connecting with me, without projecting onto or blaming me.
After counseling, I shared with him somethng very personal that I've never told him, and he listened supportively.
He was also affectionate.


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## Kaitlin (Nov 10, 2010)

I like this thread 

-He's financially responsible.
-He's sweet and thoughtful.
-He tucks me in, kisses me, and tells me he loves me every morning before he leaves for work.
-He often puts his pillow behind me, so that it will feel like he's still there even after he leaves in the morning. He knows how hard it is for me to sleep without him 
-He says Thank You.
-He asks me about my day.
-He spoils me--makes me things, writes me poems, picks/buys me flowers, etc.
-He calls me his best friend.
-He tells me that I'm beautiful, and helps me feel comfortable in my own skin.
-He deals with emotions and insecurities that have been a little out-of-control with some trouble we've had with our families, and my new BC. 
-He takes care of me when I don't feel well, even if it's just a headache.
-He supports all my endeavors, goals, and dreams. He makes even the most outlandish seems possible.
-He makes even my biggest problem seem small and manageable. 
-He loves to snuggle 
-He's always honest with me.
-He offers me his coat, or holds me close if I am cold.
-He can never seem to get enough of me, and makes me feel sexy.
-He appreciates even the smallest things I say or do.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

He was happy for me when I got good news today about my work, and congratulated me and was happy and excited.
He helped me clean the apartment today because my sister and brother in law are staying with us this weekend.
He asks my thoughts and opinions about major decisions and moves he needs to make at work.

I'm fairly annoyed with him at the moment, so this is helpful to my psyche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Julie19 (Jun 5, 2010)

I am bitter, I am depressed, and I have been told I don't understand his ego and emotionally "rape" him at his most vulnerable moment - during love-making - by telling him what I need instead of leading by example (which I can understand) or just enjoying it. So here goes because I think it will be helpful:

He is attractive
He shows that he cares for me and loves me
He tells me that he loves me
When I am in a good mind frame, he reciprocates my affections and sexual interest
He talks to me about issues with honesty, calmness and objectivity
He tries help me think out my emotional reactions
He is financially responsible
He says he has my best interest at heart


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I appreciate so very much about the man I married: 

1) His love helped me become a better person when we met all those yrs ago, seeing the good in me when I did not feel it or
believe in myself. 
2) He is ever faithful in all things, I can always count on his promises
3) He is honest to a fault 
4) He is a good listener- as I often need to communicate
5) He is an excellent Provider & always Financially responsible
6) He is a dependable Mechanic & handyman, has even made his own tools in a pinch, always amazing me, always finishes 
every project. 
7) He holds my hand while out in public
8) He is VERY affectionate, always wants to cuddle, touch & be sexually intimate 
9) I can always count on him being in a Happy mood, the man RARELY has a down day -unless it might be work related.
10) He is a superb Father, patient & kind, very sacrifical for his children (and me)
11) His DRY humor amuses me -even in some of my angrier moments. He knows how to diffuse me.
12) He is a family man, Living is all about family to him, everything else is #2
13) He kisses me every morning before work & after, holds me in the middle of the night 
14) He has a very forgiving spirit. 
15) He watches movies with me pretty near every night 
16) If we argue, he stays with me -until we sort it out together
17) I think he looks great for his age, physicaly he still very much turns me on
18) He always lets me know if he hears a love song when we are apart & thinks of me

...I could go on & on if I sat here long enough


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

He kisses me good night every night when he comes to bed, and kisses me on his way out the door in the morning whether I'm still asleep or not.
He helps around the house whenever it's needed.
He'll watch any movie I choose, even "chick flicks."
We have great physical/sexual chemistry.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

He always lets me know where he is, if he has to work late, and what time he'll be home.
He's considerate of my time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Wow..where do I start? "..let me count the ways"

He took me and 4 kids on, knowing I had some pretty serious health issues to contend with. 
He treats his mother with respect, but is NO mama's boy.
He kisses me goodbye every morning (often waking me up)
He kisses me hello every night when he gets home..no quick peck, either...a good. long. kiss. And a warm hug as well.
He's a great father to my 10yo son (was 3 when we met)
He's a great stepfather to my grown children
He's kind
He's loving
He's the most patient man I know
He's laid back..which balances me out when I'm not so much
He makes me laugh every single day
He has THE best sense of humor, and can laugh at himself
He tries harder at EVERYTHING than anyone I've ever known
He doesn't do drugs
He limits his alcohol
He will help me color the back of my hair b/c I can't reach it
He is the hardest working man alive (worked 173 hrs. in the last two weeks alone)
He trusts me to do the right thing
He is absolutely, 100% trustworthy
He's smart 
He doesn't whine or complain
He lets me whine and complain sometimes
He is my ROCK and has held me up in some terrible times
He is committed..I know he's not going to cut and run at the first sign of trouble
He is a fantastic dancer, and makes me feel like the only woman alive when we go out
He always puts his hand in the small of my back when we go somewhere
He holds every door open for me
He is a gentleman
He ALWAYS says thank you for cooking, and compliments the meal
He is VERY protective of my children and myself
He makes me feel safe, secure and loved
He tells everyone who will listen what a wonderful woman I am, and how lucky he is to have me 
He listens to me (unless Hell's Kitchen is on, lol)
He will watch a tv show he hates just b/c I like it
He is absolutely on MY side
He has shared his most intimate secrets with me
He occasionally brings me flowers for no good reason (my daughter once asked "what'd you do this time...BREATHE?")
He lets me lay my head in his lap, and he rubs my head
He is a cuddler (had to get used to that one)
He tries to come up with a solution to any situation that arises
I don't usually talk about sex, b/c that's very private to me..but it's all good there..

I honestly feel that if I walked into a room of 5,000 women...I'd be the luckiest one there. 
I know there's more, but it's getting late and I'm tired


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Oh...I knew there'd be more...

He calls me on his lunch break, b/c he likes to hear my voice. Says it helps him get through the day
He will plant endless trees, shrubs, flowers, etc. on his days off
He will allow himself to lean on me if he needs to
He ALWAYS PUTS THE TOILET SEAT DOWN
He is comfortable with his own masculinity, and will get tears in his eyes during emotional movies, a sad song, a romantic song, etc.
He makes CD's of my favorite music
He helps with household chores (though he works so much I try to not have him do much at all)
He takes care of the dog he did NOT want
He's nice to my cat (he'll even change the litter box for me)
If there's something I want, he ALWAYS tells me to get it (even when it was an $800 camera) I DO NOT do it though. I try too hard to be a good steward of the money he works hard to earn, so I don't blow it on inconsequential stuff
He doesn't push me to do anything
He encourages me to go for my dreams
He NEVER lets me mow the yard (I don't think he wants me using his precious riding mower, lol)
He NEVER yells at me
He's NEVER struck me (he'd be in jail if he did)
He has the same parenting style..we don't believe in spanking, hollering, etc.
He always says "I love you", even if there are a bunch of guys standing around
He calls me endearing names..honey, sweetie, baby, sweetheart, etc.
He puts me FIRST in EVERYTHING he does
He is a GREAT role model and example for my sons to follow



This is a GREAT thread...nice to read (and to remember for myself) the positives about the person we love :smthumbup:


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