# Guys..please help me out?



## music (Jul 17, 2011)

:scratchhead: I couldn't think of a better place to get a man's perspective so thanks in advance for any help!

So...I am a 37 year old, recently (like...a year) divorced woman and I have a few kids that live with me every other week.

I haven't "dated" in probably 17 years. Maybe 6 weeks ago I started emailing a 46 year old guy from one of those dating websites. 2 weeks ago, we went out for the first time and I just went out with him again last night.

I've been out with a few other guys before this one, but this one I really like. I really have no clue what to expect though. All of our contact, excepting the dates, have been through email. He wouldn't even give me his phone number until last night and all I've gotten out of him have been hugs. He's a really nice guy with a good job and no criminal record (I work for a PD so I know), so I'm not worried there.

To be honest, I'd really love for him to go for more, but am uncomfortable making the first move myself.


I will admit that my self esteem is a little shot since the divorce and hopefully that's where the problem is, but would any of you have any advice on how I can tell what's going on in his head or any suggestions for me to try out?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, the same thing thats going on in your head.
Funny but it could be true.
My advice, take your time and date more, nothing beats more one on one time, emials IMO just don't do it justice like the time you spend together.


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## music (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm all for the dating more, but to be honest..I haven't had sex in at least a year and would like to get to that point in the relationship asap...

Now it's always been my understanding that men tend to want sex more than women do so can you guys relate a little?
Should I just jump him and see what happens or just keep waiting? (Yes...I'm impatient)


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## music (Jul 17, 2011)

And just to clarify..I don't mean I want to just go straight to sex, but a little physical contact would be nice.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

you watch out. your yearning for some love might have you end up with very abusive husbands.

Just don't rush. It's better to be lonely than to be abused.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

music said:


> He wouldn't even give me his phone number until last night and all I've gotten out of him have been hugs.


The fact he didnt give you his number for a long time would be a plus in my books. He wants to make sure you dont turn out to be some serial rapist, and is protecting himself. 
As for the lack of sex... If he shows interest in you but not sex, I could see a sign that he is serious about finding that special someone, not just an ornamental bed piece.

Follow his lead and take it slow, us men are wild animals and you wouldnt want to spook us.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Maybe you aren't giving him the right hints. Men hate rejection and so a risk assessment is not unusual to protect ourselves. If he didn't care for you emotionally he might have tried on the first date. If he does care for you emotionally then he will probably be hesitant to make a move that would risk you either pulling away because "I'm not ready" which would make him feel stupid for trying, or worse, have you end things because his move made you uncomfortable.

It shouldn't take you long to access what is level of interest is in you. If you are just "a friend" who he likes to talk to, then just accept that. If you get the vibes that he is "into you" too, then make sure you guide him the way you want him to go. What do YOU do when he hugs you? Embrace him strongly and say something like "I love those hugs you give me". If you are walking with him and cross a road, put your arm through his as if you need him to guide you across. Touch him. A hand on the shoulder, on his hand, brushing imaginary dust off his coat (ok, summer-time here in the US, but you get the idea), anything to subtly guide him and let him know you are receptive to more.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Men like being courted too.


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## music (Jul 17, 2011)

Well after all that, it seems this one just isn't interested. Ah well...here's to a life of celibacy!


Thanks for all the advice. Hopefully I'll get to use it someday.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

music said:


> Well after all that, it seems this one just isn't interested. Ah well...here's to a life of celibacy!
> 
> 
> Thanks for all the advice. Hopefully I'll get to use it someday.


Reap what you sow. You might just be joking about the celibacy for life thing, but it might turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Go get a make-over, get your confidence back and the men will follow.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

He wouldn't give you his phone #.

That could be a good sign, as in, he doesn't want to rush things.

OR...

He had to get a secret cell phone going, so that a certain someone (i.e., his wife) doesn't find out.

Don't want to be a jerk, but if you read other posts here, you will see that the secret cell phone is quite an epidemic.


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## music (Jul 17, 2011)

F-102 said:


> He wouldn't give you his phone #.
> 
> That could be a good sign, as in, he doesn't want to rush things.
> 
> ...



LOL!!

I bet a bunch of those posts are mine under a different logon. Probably part of my problem...I'm trying to trust again though.

BTW Sockpuppet,

Got the makeover..men are following..thanks for the advice though.


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