# Help me figure out the problem?



## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

I am facing problems having any intimacy, erection or arousal with my wife what so ever, she is still very pretty. Other than her, when i see other women I do feel the urge of sex and being romantically involved with them. But no matter how hard I try with my wife, I am unable to do anything with her.
Please help me figure out with what is the cause of this problem.
I believe there could be many reasons leading to this,
Both of us always having arguments & fights about various things
Her being a total control freak on everything i do
Me having an addiction to women. (which she is unaware of)

I try various supplements to help me in this but nothing works when it comes to my wife :S


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We all decide how others perceive us. Your wife has apparently decided that she wants her husband to perceive her as disrespectful and controlling. It'd be difficult to get sexually excited about one's enemy, mother, or boss. All straight men find women sexually interesting. It's not an addiction. It means you're male. If you can get aroused by other women, your solution isn't in a supplement or a pill. Sounds like a relationship issue. Beating a man down doesn't make a woman sexy and allowing a woman to beat him down doesn't make a man sexy to the woman.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It seems like your relationship with your wife is combative to the point where you have lost your sexual interest in her. That is a very very sad state of affairs.

Get your marriage in order and your sexual interest in her will come back. No one is sexually interested in a person who causes us to feel inadequate, criticized and never right.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

How old are the two of you and how long have you been married? Has it always been like this or is it recent?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'd like to start with finding out exactly what "an addiction to women" means.  

Addicted to porn? Addicted to ogling women in public? Addicted to chatting up women online? Addicted to cyber sex, sexting, or surfing dating or hookup sites? Addicted to sex with strange women? Or just turned on by women who aren't your wife because your relationship is bad and being around her is unpleasant and hostile?


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

Thewife said:


> How old are the two of you and how long have you been married? Has it always been like this or is it recent?


I am 31 and she is 35. We are married for about 4 years and we are facing this problem since last 2 & half years.


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I'd like to start with finding out exactly what "an addiction to women" means.
> 
> Addicted to porn? Addicted to ogling women in public? Addicted to chatting up women online? Addicted to cyber sex, sexting, or surfing dating or hookup sites? Addicted to sex with strange women? Or just turned on by women who aren't your wife because your relationship is bad and being around her is unpleasant and hostile?


Thank you for this clarification since i had questions about this myself. I would say i just turned on by women who aren't your wife because your relationship is bad and being around her is unpleasant and hostile. Particularly these days since I can't please myself, I get turned on by any women but my wife.


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

Also what i have noticed in my wife, to get to me and to take out her frustration about me. She directs it towards our child. Even our daughter has behaved the whole day, upon her one or two nondisciplinary actions she will threaten her to cut her hair & fingers while holding a scissor or she will hit her. When she looks at me or comes to me for protection, she tells me not to interfere.
I call it plain & simple bullying on her part but it makes her mad at me for calling her that and she accuses me of being bullied in my childhood that's why her disciplining seems bullying to me. At times I feel I am being emotionally black mailed


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What do you mean threatens to cut her fingers? Does your wife threaten to cut your daughter's finger nails? Or do you mean literally to cut her fingers?

Does your daughter have bruises? I'm trying to figure out the level of physical abuse, if there is actually abuse going on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

y3zalman said:


> I am facing problems having any intimacy, erection or arousal with my wife what so ever, she is still very pretty. Other than her, when i see other women I do feel the urge of sex and being romantically involved with them. But no matter how hard I try with my wife, I am unable to do anything with her.
> Please help me figure out with what is the cause of this problem.
> I believe there could be many reasons leading to this,
> Both of us always having arguments & fights about various things
> ...


What does your wife say about your not being interested in having sex with her?

You already know why you are not interested in having sex with her. You've listed her faults that turn you off. But you know that. So why did you ask the question when you already know the answer?


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> What does your wife say about your not being interested in having sex with her?
> 
> You already know why you are not interested in having sex with her. You've listed her faults that turn you off. But you know that. So why did you ask the question when you already know the answer?


There is no physical abuse from my wife to our child but there is very strict dominance like i mentioned our daughter will be good and well behaved all day but if she makes any mistake she will be threatened by my wife that she will cut her fingers, then she will hold a scissor in her hand point it closer to my daughter and open/close it. My wife is not like this the whole time but there are times when she will just snap at our child showing me that she is mad.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

y3zalman said:


> There is no physical abuse from my wife to our child but there is very strict dominance like i mentioned our daughter will be good and well behaved all day but if she makes any mistake she will be threatened by my wife that she will cut her fingers, then she will hold a scissor in her hand point it closer to my daughter and open/close it. My wife is not like this the whole time but there are times when she will just snap at our child showing me that she is mad.


you say that she hits your daughter. This can be abuse.

Threatening to cut a child's finger is emotional abuse and boarders on physical abuse. IT is the threat of physical violence.

I assume that you work. If your wife uses threats of physical abuse and mutilation when you are around I can only imagine what she does when you are not around.

If it was me I'd put a nanny cam in the house and find out what happens when I am not there to protect my child and buffer her from things like threats of violence.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> you say that she hits your daughter. This can be abuse.
> 
> Threatening to cut a child's finger is emotional abuse and boarders on physical abuse. IT is the threat of physical violence.
> 
> ...


Making threats to mutilate a young child, whether a very badly behaved child or a very well behaved child, is emotional abuse at it's worst!

You must take this to a professional. YOU must protect your child from your wife.

Setting aside all the issues in your marriage, you wife clearly has no idea that what she is doing is actively harming your daughter with LASTING emotional scars. The kind of scars that warp healthy growth and maturity. Your wife MUST end this, no excuses.

So here is what you do:
1. Away from your child, you tell your wife her threats to mutilate are abusive to your daughter and they must stop now.
2. You make an appointment with your child's pediatrician and you and your wife take your child together. You tell the pediatrician, in the presence of your wife AND child, that your wife makes threats to cut the child's fingers off for misbehaving.
The reason you do this is to show your child that when Mommy does this, it is WRONG and her Daddy will protect her. The pediatrician will then make neccessary arrangements for your wife to learn appropriate behavior modification skills.
3. You insist your wife attend parenting classes where she will learn to have appropriate behavior expectations for your child's age and also learn how to manage behavior without emotionally or physically harming the child.
4. Your wife has a mental illness. This really is the bottom line. If she was healthy, she wouldn't be so negative, punitive and nasty to you, nor to your child. She needs help. Tell her if she doesn't go to therapy, you will leave her taking your daughter with you.

Do these things in this order. The pediatrician MUST know what is happening so that he/she can monitor for signs symptoms of abuse.

If you do not live in the USA, all of the above is useless. I do not know the laws and child protective customs of other countries.

Forget about the state of your marriage and focus on protecting your daughter!


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Omg, I cant believe she threatens to cut the child's fingers! That must be horrifying for your daughter. 

Your 'addiction to women' doesn't sound lime an addiction at all. It sounds like a sign that you are not gay. You find women attractive. You are a healthy adult.

Your penis is probably afraid of your wife, with good reason!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Your penis is probably afraid of your wife, with good reason!



Sheeshe....no wonder!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Sheeshe....no wonder!


Yea, he better hope she does not have those scissors when they are alone.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

y3zalman said:


> There is no physical abuse from my wife to our child but there is very strict dominance like i mentioned our daughter will be good and well behaved all day but if she makes any mistake she will be threatened by my wife that she will cut her fingers, then she will hold a scissor in her hand point it closer to my daughter and open/close it. My wife is not like this the whole time but there are times when she will just snap at our child showing me that she is mad.


She's using your daughter to get to you... Baaaaad sign.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

y3zalman said:


> Also what i have noticed in my wife, to get to me and to take out her frustration about me. She directs it towards our child. Even our daughter has behaved the whole day, upon her one or two nondisciplinary actions she will threaten her to cut her hair & fingers while holding a scissor or she will hit her. When she looks at me or comes to me for protection, she tells me not to interfere.
> I call it plain & simple bullying on her part but it makes her mad at me for calling her that and she accuses me of being bullied in my childhood that's why her disciplining seems bullying to me. At times I feel I am being emotionally black mailed


This is emotional child abuse. Coupled with your marriage issues, I'd say counseling and file for custody, be prepared to give this woman a HARD WAKE UP CALL... and hard penis is the last thing you need to be worried about.


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