# In-laws problems (Kind of Long)



## sonydude1966 (Mar 7, 2011)

Ok, my wife and I have been married for 18 years. We have 2 children, a boy (5 year old) and a girl (3 year old). We had the worse fight we ever had, and were contemplating separation. My wife had been crying when her parents show up. Great timing, couldn't have been better. I was not around when this was happening. 

My in-laws go and tell her that she is welcome at their house WITH the children. Huh, did I miss something? No, I didn't actually. They just up and skip to the "leave him, take the children, and come live with us." I would have hoped they could have offered some kind of emotional support, keeping her with HER CURRENT FAMILY. There is no abuse whatsoever, and even though we were having a terrible fight, safety was NEVER AN ISSUE.

Digressing:

Going back a little to when my son was born. I was passing the mother in-law's work with my new son. She comes out, basically grabs him, and says to me, "He's mine, he's NOT YOURS at all!" Then proceeds to show him off to her co-workers. They all say how he looks like his mom, and just smile at me. Fine, it shocks me that my mother in-law would make a statement like that, but whatever, she's emotional and doesn't think before she speaks, and may have some issues. I try and get over it, but it's something that sticks with me nonetheless.

Going back to the present now:

A couple of days after the in-laws offer, and the mother calls my wife on her cell phone asking if she can help. My wife says you can help by leaving us alone. She seems to comply.

My wife has told me of her parents lack of support growing up, and she was told she couldn't do anything but cook, clean, and tend to her working husband. She couldn't see Star Wars like her brothers is one incident that I remember the most. Also, they were very religious and her dad went to college and got a theological degree. The parents didn't let them watch The Flinstones, and had trouble with Disney films, and other things that seems strange to me. BTW, they are completely separated from the church now. They couldn't process something and had a hard time.

There's a lot of past incidents, but I don't want to write a book right now. 

We are currently living in their second house and pay rent. They live a mile away. That's another story, but saving time and skipping that for now.

About 1 week after me and my wife's fight, the dad calls and leave's a message on the machine as he is already in the driveway. I am in the furthest most bathroom having a healthy (you know what). It takes about 10 minutes, and I do not hear the phone. It's some kind of emergency that he needs access to the garage.

My 5 year old opens the door for grandpa, as I have told him mom, dad, grandpa, and grandma can be let it. He can't find whatever it is, and leaves within 5 or so minutes. I hear of all this on my machine, and from my child. I get a little upset that he came in without getting acknowlegement from me to enter. They have done this before. Once, when we were having sex in the living room. I call my wife on her cell, and tell of the frustrating incident.

My wife gets home and I again communicate my frustrations to her. She gets a cell phone call from her dad saying no one is home, what is going on. She explains and tells her dad he was wrong for entering. He says too bad, we have to get use to him and what he does unless we move.

I respond by getting those door jams you seal the door with, solid brass, and sturdy. No way he's getting in without permission when we're home ever again....solved in that respect. I didn't understand why he doesn't respect us so much to do this. Plus, he basically says, "F-U, I do what I want!"....paraphrasing.

A week later, the mom comes over and spews out that I'm a lazy SOB to my wife when I am in the house and they are in the driveway. My wife says how loving I am to the children, and that she doesn't even know what I do.

Now, I am lazy in the fact that when they come over, I don't do the yardwork with them. I am also not always available when they call (most of the time, it's true), and have them leave messages. I don't include them in any activities, and the major one for them, I don't have a job other than selling things on the internet for a few extra bucks. Which, has been hard lately.

I take care of the children, love them, feed them, GIVE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT that they do not understand. 

My wife and I are not speaking with them, and they have stayed away. It's been a couple of weeks and nothing. My wife has no problem extacating them from our lives. I actually think I am having a harder time because I feel so crappy about it, angry, sad, hurt, it is terrible, then I get better, but keep thinking about it.

They obviously got hurt from me somehow, but it's like they're the devil or something. Atleast towards me. Trying to steal my family. Yes, steal them. My wife has told me how her mom has said she wants to raise her grandchildren. 

Any advice? There's a lot more than all this, but I think this is enough to type right now. 

Interestingly, we have gotten along much better now that we have a common enemy. May be a strong word...enemy...but that is how we look at it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

1 - You are living in their house... not a good way to distance them from you.

2 - Blood is thinker than water. Rather than "siding" with your wife (which will eventually be interpreted as trying to drive a wedge in the family), you should encourage your wife to interact with her parents. if nothing else, you can look good trying.

3 - Your wife siding with you is priceless. Hold on to her.


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## sonydude1966 (Mar 7, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> 1 - You are living in their house... not a good way to distance them from you.
> 
> Bingo. Wife is going to school for 2 more years till done. Got ourselves in this situation. Should have planned much better. Don't want to buy an RV to live in. And, they are leaving us alone for now. Oh, and we are living in a separate house from them. Their second house.
> 2 - Blood is thinker than water. Rather than "siding" with your wife (which will eventually be interpreted as trying to drive a wedge in the family), you should encourage your wife to interact with her parents. if nothing else, you can look good trying.
> ...


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I feel bad that you can't leave your in law's house. Even if you are paying rent, it is still "their" turf. I know that must be hard.
My parents are just like your in laws, controlling and old fashioned. Your wife has made the proper adult choice of siding with her family-you! Most people don't learn that the spouse is the most important, until it's too late. 
Just keep standing your ground, babes. See if you can find a way to get out of that house; they are using it to control you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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