# shes gone, im in pieces



## DomV (Sep 22, 2015)

She left about a month ago. I am broken.

Said she needed space. Space turns into separation. Separation turns into divorce. 

Says she's no longer in love with me. Says there's no hope. She's she hasn't felt in love with since the 2nd year of our marriage.

She can't forgive the past. I'm changing now, but its too little too late. She asks, why couldn't I have heard what she was saying 5 years ago?!

Told me she doesn't even believe I truly loved her when we got married. The pain of hearing her say this is so deep I can barely breath. 

8 years together. High-school sweethearts. Love at first sight. Took my breath away. Married a year later. Had a beautiful baby girl a year after that.

I join the military. Caught up in the grind of work, bills, sleep, eat.

She says it changed me. Turned me into the hateful depressed shell of the guy she fell in love with. 
To her she's been waiting for that guy to come back for 6 years. I didn't listen. Didn't hear her silent pleas. Didn't see the desperation. She thought I didn't love her anymore, thought I was going through the motions. 

I knew we had problems. I knew every marriage did. Thought we would work it out. Didn't know what I was doing to her.

She put her heart where I could no longer reach it. And finally got the courage to leave. 

Now I am left behind. Unsure if I should hold on to hope. I can't make her love me again. I can't wait forever. Everyone says to move on. To let go. How do you let go of the girl of your dreams? I fear I'll never find someone that stands up against her. I want a family. I want the girl I met in the park.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

I really hear you pain and wish I could reach through the screen and hug you. You have to stop beating yourself up. My SBTX husband is former military and he's been out since the '90s, and Desert Storm did a number on him AND on my stepdad. They both are having cognitive problems and my stepdad has a host of physical issues. It takes a strong person to be spouse of someone in the military and dealing with the anger and yup, downright meanness, of a returning vet. 

You can't make her love you again, but you can work on loving you. My husband doesn't love himself enough to get help for his depression; instead he wanted the self-medication of alcohol and the drama of a seriously damaged other woman. I would have stood by him in thick and in thin and even thought we were in reconciliation when he dumped the OW, but he made contact with her again recently. You can't control other people, and there are all kinds of external things, like military service, or toxic work environments that I lived through and my h couldn't handle, that put pressure on a marriage. 

Some of her stuff sounds like blame-shifting. If she didn't love you two years into your marriage, it's not really clear how much you could have changed or done differently in the remaining six to change the situation. And when start talking about not being in love anymore, it is often because they think they are in love with someone else. 

Do yourself a favor and get to counseling, and take a deep breath and step back. Don't plead, beg, or bargain. Look up the 180 here and start picking yourself up every morning and putting one foot in front of the other. Honor your pain but don't let it drag you down. 

Others more seasoned and experienced than me will show up soon with wise words and wise advice and deep comfort, but since I saw your post, I wanted to reach out and acknowledge it and your pain and let you know that you've found a great place. Don't give up on you.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Greetings!

Are you still active duty military? What branch, and what do you do in the military?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Needs space means she wants to be able to have sex with her affair partner without sneaking around....Does she work? It is usually a co-worker...


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Well, if you've got the dedication to come here seeking help, tell your story and be this honest, it seems (on the surface) your spouse, who married you, could listen as well.

What happened to loyalty, and "better or worse", "thick or thin"?

A wife/spouse leaving is sadly often due to infidelity. Never say never, trust me. I agree whole-heartedly that "need space" is overwhelming cheater talk. Walking out is selfish. She's out for herself, and seems to have her mind made up. 

Shy can't your hear what she's been saying? Tinges of selfishness there, also. Did she hear what you were saying? Did she try and meet you, or is it constantly "what about my needs"?


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## DomV (Sep 22, 2015)

Thank you the reply's do help as weird as it feels. I am pretty numb at this point. It is definately easier today than it was 4 weeks ago. 

I am going to see a IC mid next month. I have tried to hold to the 180. Keeping talk only about our kid, bills etc. 

I was Air force. Did flight line hydraulics. I was retired for crohns disease last year, part of my pity me attitude for a while. 

I was a very crappy husband, borderline emotionally/mentally abusive, I definitely crossed the line a few times. And we never met in the middle. I was stubborn. But so was she. I don't think we listened to each other.. but now that shes gone, the blame has shifted mostly to me. 

She is adamant that she will not start dating or seeing anyone until after we are divorced. But that might be code for she is already sleeping with someone and is getting around the technicalities by saying shes not ''dating''

She recently moved to a new location for her job (at a gym), I know for a fact, that a guy who was really getting into it with her over Facebook messages worked out there. His sister also works with her. She recently became friends with her on face book as well. She denied anything was happening and let me look at the Facebook. But i have not been able to see her phone since then. 

One of my fears is that she is cheating, but not saying anything, and will only break the news once she gets the divorce so she doesn't have to feel as guilty about it or is not at a disadvantage in court. 

Plus I feel like she is trying to let me down ''easy''


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Probably cheating but fyi almost no high school sweetheart marriages workout and I'm assuming you know why


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