# What is happening? So confused!



## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Hi Guys,

So I need some clarity on what the heck is going on and how should I act with all of this. Here is a quick synopsis of the story:

H and I have been together for 7yrs and married for 5.5yrs. This is my 1st marriage and his 2nd. We have an 8month old daughter. H has had a very rough upbringing involving abandonment and emotional and physical abuse with no therapy to heal.

Nov. 10 - H told me out of the blue that he isn't "in love" with me anymore and that he isn't attracted to me and never has been even from the beginning. He said that he overlooked physical attraction because of my personality traits but that isn't enough anymore. He said he wants to separate. We're in the process of getting our house fixed up and on the market to sell so we can move into separate places.

Nov. 12 - went to our first MC apt. It was his request to get in to see one asap.

Nov. 11-23: Did everything I could to get him back.

Nov. 23-29: Left town with out daughter to go to my parents for a week. H stayed home.

Nov. 29: Came home. H told me that he felt relieved while I was gone and that we didn't have to tip toe around the house around each other.

Nov. 30: I began doing the 180

Dec. 14: My bday. H bought me a pandora bracelet (from my daughter) but he didn't spend my bday with me. Said he didn't want to lead me on or for me to get the wrong impression.

Dec. 16: he started staying home every night. Since Nov. 11 until now, he was going out with his brothers or friends watching sporting events about 2-3 times a week. He all of the sudden started staying home.

Dec. 20: In our MC apt, he told me that the only thing that he thinks is going to help him is if we separate. He's convinced that separating may help clear his brain. He agrees that he may think this whole separation thing could be a mistake but separating is what he thinks will help him. I did make it crystal clear that my expectations of separation means no physical or emotional relationships with anyone else. He agreed to that. He also said in the apt that he didn't want us to avoid each other. That he wants us to be friends and amicable and hang out like friends. He did, however, say that in doing this, for me to remember that nothing has changed, his mind hasn't changed, and that he doesn't want me to get the wrong impression and feel like everything is better.

Xmas - I bought him a few gifts. He bought me some as well. All of the gifts from me was "from our daughter to him". All of the gifts from him were the same except for one item. He bought me a necklace specifically from him. The pendant was the Open Heart Pendant signifying forever love.

Since our Dec. 20 apt, he's been different with me. Talking, almost joking around. We ran an errand together the other night and picked up dinner. We've been watching movies at home after putting our daughter to bed. He actually wanted to go see a movie in the theater with me. As time goes by, he's been going more and more back to his old self with me.

What does this mean? Is he just trying to make life with him easier until our house sells and he can be free? Is he changing his mind? Do I talk to him about this? I'm starting to have a hard time with this because I'm starting to let my feelings get too involved again and my hopes up, even though I know he said not to. So do I go back to ignoring him like before?


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Have you done any checking to see if there is a third party in your marriage? That would be the first step.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

karole said:


> Have you done any checking to see if there is a third party in your marriage? That would be the first step.


Yes I've already done that. I haven't found any evidence of an affair.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Sorry you are here, Heartbroken.

When you started doing the 180, you had figured out the truth in these disasters. You can only control you.

Work on yourself with a view towards the future. Whatever happens with the X will happen but you will be focused on your new life.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Thanks Stretch. I guess I just don't know how to act anymore. Things were easier when we weren't communicating too much and tip toed around each other because they I could stay mad and get through it. Now that he's talking to me more and being nice, it's dragging my heart into it.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Moyo7620 said:


> I would keeping doing what you're doing. Just be yourself, play a little hard to get. For some reason, humans love what they can't have...he wants you but doesn't...he sounds confused because his actions are showing it. Give it some time, let it play out, but don't give in too much. You have to protect your well being.


Thanks for the advice Moyo. My friend told me the same thing. Spend some time with him doing things but don't do it everyday. Walk away and go to my room and leave him be by himself from time to time as well. I'm going to start doing that and see how it goes. Maybe doing this and playing hard to get a times will help things.


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## JohnC_depressed (Dec 6, 2012)

I really think you are setting yourself up to get your heart broken again. I know ts so unfair. He is actually being staright with you, and you really need to listen to it. He is confused and you can't fix it. I hope the new year brings you some happiness!!!

JC


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

JohnC_depressed said:


> I really think you are setting yourself up to get your heart broken again. I know ts so unfair. He is actually being staright with you, and you really need to listen to it. He is confused and you can't fix it. I hope the new year brings you some happiness!!!
> 
> JC


I know I'm setting myself up for heartache. I'm already getting sucked back in and I'm starting to really really miss him again. It's so hard that we still live under the same roof and interact every day. Ugh


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