# I think this is it...



## Julie (Jun 1, 2009)

My H and I talked last night. He asked me how much it would cost him to end our marriage. I know this is something that needs to be done but how do I actually admit to my husband that I want to end it? He says I need to tell him today if I want to make it work or if I don't.

We have been good friends for our entire 9 yr relationship and I know I am going to lose his friendship when this is all said and done. I know I am going to truly hurt him because he is the type that doesn't trust easily... 

Neither one of us are happy. He makes me depressed when he walks in the room and I think I do the same to him. There is a lot of tension when we are together and I know everyone else knows... But how do we admit it to ourselves and move on?


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## Simple Soul (Aug 28, 2009)

.. I'm sorry to read this Julie, however try to resolve this through counselling first, with a trained mediator. A third party may give you, as a couple, some remedies as to where your differences are. Even if you can't resolve many issues it will give you as a couple an impartial point of view that'll help in future relationships.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Honesty is vital but it can be said softly and in a way where it stings less.
I think if you feel the way you described you can always find the words that are best, keep it short and sweet....
and get a plan of action going so your time together is limited. Move out if you can as soon as you tell him.
Keep all communication to a minimum and only on the divorce.

That would be the best thing anyone could do.


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## Julie (Jun 1, 2009)

On Friday night we went down to the beach to talk about our relationship. We sat by the water with the sounds of the ocean close by. We thought this would help keep us calm. And I think it worked.

We discussed our relationship with all honesty. He told me that he wants me to be more affectionate and loving towards him... That he wants me to want him... I told him that I resent him for a lot of things that we have gone through. I also told him that I felt we were heading in different directions in life. He said it sounds like you want a divorce. I said... Mike we have been fighting for the last 2 years and we need to do something. That this isn't the way a marriage should be. We both need to be happy and right now were miserable. 

He asked me for another chance. He said will you give me one more chance? If we can't make it work this time, we'll part... But lets try one more time. 

So I agreed to it. I am not sure if this was the right decision but he asked nicely. And he doesn't beat or abuse me... We have just fallen out of love and are going in separate directions in life.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Good that you've given it another chance.

Now what are you going to do different?


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2009)

What is "happy" though? Marriage isn't always lolliepops and flowers. I have been through A LOT, more than most, and my wife and I are still together and happy. The one and only thing that saved our marriage was Christ. 
I am unsure what you've been through, but work hard, very hard at saving your marriage. Those vows are the most important thing you've ever done. You swore before God, "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
I pray that everything works out for you.


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Hey..I agree totally with GlocknRn....way to go!!!!!!!!!!
Keep it up.


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## Julie (Jun 1, 2009)

Well for one... We have tried not to bicker or fight. If we feel like arguing we hold our tongue. I am trying to be more affectionate towards him like holding hands, giving him massages, laying near him on the couch when watching TV... I am going to try to make it work.. We'll see how it goes.


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## elscotto (Sep 6, 2009)

Wow Julie that could be me and my wife. The difference is I seem to be the one trying not to bicker and fight. I am not seeing the effort on her part and therefore I have to take the additional step of taking incendiary bait when she lashes out at me.


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## variety (Sep 6, 2009)

9 years is a long time to be together. I believe there is more important underlying reason why you are falling out of love.
My 9 years of marriage had its happy and sad moments. yes we could be more affectionate, spend more time together etc but after awhile it became an act of pretense. 
Pinpoint the real reason and see if you both can work thru it.


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