# Why Why Why



## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

Soneone please explain how anyone could allow their WS to go on weekends outings, GNO, overnight trips and such without them???? I keep seeing this same theme over and over... It is Infuriating!!!!


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Are you talking before or after dday.

Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.

After = sheer dumbassery


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

There's a lot of stuff we read on here that's infuriating. In fact in my opinion the last few weeks have been pretty tough in that regard.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Because people have unrealistic expectations.. Because that means they get to go out by their self another night.

BTW First heard of a GNO in 1980. My buddy told me him and his wife had started doing it every week. I freaked and shewed him out. A month later, he comes into work and it was written all over his face. Two kids, mom finds "better" man, doivorced.

Since 1980, ALL the women I have known that did GNO's are divorced but 1. How you like those odds?


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Are you talking before or after dday.
> 
> Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.
> 
> After = sheer dumbassery



I assumed since he labeled them WS it's after. If it's after and the BS still allows themselves to be walked all over I agree it's pure dumbassery.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

The bishop said:


> Soneone please explain how anyone could allow their WS to go on weekends outings, GNO, overnight trips and such without them???? I keep seeing this same theme over and over... It is Infuriating!!!!


Cuz girl's magazines say that men should not "control" their wifes until the point where she has another guy on top of her. After that point he should politely request:

"I'm sorry old chap, would you mind going slow, i want her returned with decent mileage!"

And if girl magazines say it, then it must be an absolute truth... Amen!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

It'd seem hypocritical if I say, "honey, I'm gonna get a few beers with the guys tonight, be home late" and then turn around and impose a curfew on when and where she can go.

Cheating can arise from anywhere. Work, facebook curiosity even the supermarket. If your spouse doesn't have proper boundaries and most importantly holds little value for you, they'll cheat whether you put them in solitary confinement or not.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Because people will compromise their beliefs and boundaries to avoid the stigma of being labeled as controlling.

She can shout controlling to the moon all she wants. It doesn't change the fact that a married woman or any woman in a serious relationship has no business being out past 1am drinking and acting as if she was single. 

Its called boundaries. If a girl is trying to get personal I'll politely but abruptly make my position known, and I expect the same as my SO or theres gonna be problems.


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

After D-Day not before


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

[


> > QUOTE]:iagree:


I think a spouse/partner who hasn't cheated, shouldn't have GNO/BNO's when they are late, alcohol involved, and the only objective for most is stray sex.

BUT, when we're talking about a WS, who's been given a second (or more) chance, why would THEY even entertain the idea? It's an insult to the BS who's given them another chance.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Men allow GNOs before, and even after Dday, for the simple reason that they do not understand the biology, the female cycle, or the brain chemistry. The idea that rational control can be lost so easily in a haze of dopamine and alcohol is not palatable to modern, feminist society, therefore it must be denied, or preferably ignored.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Are you talking before or after dday.
> 
> Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.
> 
> After = sheer dumbassery


Or being in a state of shock that the one you love could do that to you?


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Or being in a state of shock that the one you love could do that to you?


 Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. If your spouse has a history of having ONS before you met her, then she is capable in the future. If she cheated in past relationships then she CAN do it in yours. 
Shock should be when she cheats randomly but was honest and moral her entire life till then, not just faithful during your marriage.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why? Because her presence is irritating and unpleasant and the idea that I can just sit quietly and watch some documentary on Netflix w/o her is like adding 10% more oxygen to the room.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Is that how you guys really feel? That a married woman has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?

I'm just curious because my husband has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed and that he is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the strip club putting singles in g-strings... (female strippers btw)

It's honestly just girls being girls. We get wild, we get hit on and giggle when it happens but that's all. I've never been out with the girls and one has decided "oh yes, I'm going home with this skeeze I just met because he bought me wine all night!" I don't think it's as common as y'all think. BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

To me, yeah, it's inconsiderate. It's not about a curfew- it's about rolling inat 4am with no regard. You like being hit on when you''re a married woman? I dunno- if I was your hubby, I'd be pretty bummed to read that.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

hotdogs, they're talking about wives who have cheated and STILL do the GNO.

My opinion is that GNO are not something that belong in a marriage, cheating or no, but I realize many women won't agree with me.

When I say GNO I mean getting dressed up in fvck me boots and not much else and going to the meat market/clubs and grinding your girlfriends on the dance floor. GNO does not include going out for dinner with your girlfriends.


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## Feeling_bad (Aug 18, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Are you talking before or after dday.
> 
> Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.
> 
> After = sheer dumbassery


That seems like a sound theory, but I've recently learned it doesn't work. Well maybe it does for some.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Actually no, the hitting on part makes me giggle and giggle only that was my point. I politely say I'm married and a gentlemen will p!ss off but sometimes I get a dooshbag who asks "is it a happy marriage?" and that's when I say yes and walk away. Guys who do that really annoy the you know what out of me.

But I can see your point, if the situation were reversed I wouldn't like my husband coming in at 4am.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

in my opinion, having been there/ done that and gone too far...a married woman or man us subject to inappropriate behavior when there is alcohol involved and the spouse is not present. why take that chance?GNOs andBNOs area recipe for disaster.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I dont understand that either. My ex and a number of her toxic friends would go out, and let guys buy them drinks and talk and flirt. If I were to say something, "I" was the controlling arse.
Until the one time the guy followed her and her friend home to her house, and didnt like being played all night at the bar.
Her friend had to call the police, but you know what? Even that didnt make any sense to them in terms of their own behavior.

To dress up, go out with the girls, "appear" available for the purpose of tying one on at the expense of single dudes shows a complete lack of respect for their marriage or relationship at all. To me, that defines "w4ore".


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> Is that how you guys really feel? That a married woman has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?
> 
> I'm just curious because my husband has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed and that he is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the strip club putting singles in g-strings... (female strippers btw)
> 
> ...


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> Is that how you guys really feel? That a married woman has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?
> 
> I'm just curious because my husband has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed and that he is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the strip club putting singles in g-strings... (female strippers btw)
> 
> It's honestly just girls being girls. We get wild, we get hit on and giggle when it happens but that's all. I've never been out with the girls and one has decided "oh yes, I'm going home with this skeeze I just met because he bought me wine all night!" I don't think it's as common as y'all think. BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.


My W does GNO's at her discretion, which is typically once a month or so. But she's home between 10 and 12 typically at the latest. She comes rolling in at 4 a.m., we're gonna have some issues. Some real issues. That is just plain inconsiderate and a complete overstepping of boundaries, IMO. If that's what she wants, she needs to be single again. 

I'm out a little more. We have a standing happy hour every week for years. I'm typically home by 9 or 10. There is no good reason I can think of to stay out much later without her there. I can't imagine being so careless with her feelings that I'd come rolling in at 4 in the morning. She'd probably be a little pizzed, and she'd have every right to be. It gives the appearance of possible inappropriate behavior, and that is sufficient cause alone to be pizzed in my book. She can talk, drink, and even flip a few bills in the direction of a stripper, but she should be home at a decent hour. Nothing good will come out of such loose boundaries(4 am arrival times), so why do it? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

hotdogs said:


> Is that how you guys really feel? That a married woman has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?
> 
> I'm just curious because my husband has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed and that he is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the strip club putting singles in g-strings... (female strippers btw)
> 
> It's honestly just girls being girls. We get wild, we get hit on and giggle when it happens but that's all. I've never been out with the girls and one has decided "oh yes, I'm going home with this skeeze I just met because he bought me wine all night!" I don't think it's as common as y'all think. BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.


My wife has slept with enough guys behind my back that I know with out a doubt that if she even asked for a GNO it would be over.

Its a consequences she can face if she wants her marriage, cuz I'm done...no more! After 13 years and 20 OM I have had enough of those "GNO"

I'm no longer affraid of losing someone I love. I am no longer going to get a guilt trip so she can go out and get some strange. I am no longer going to be labeled controlling just cuz I want to protect my marriage. I am no longer going to let her do what she wants while I do what I want. 

Don't walk behind me, don't wake infront of me, but walk next to me.

I will not control her it will always be har choice for a GNO just like it is my choice to let her go and leave the marriage.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

There's no reason for a married person to be coming home at 4AM from a night out with the girls.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Are you talking before or after dday.
> 
> Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.
> 
> After = sheer dumbassery


I love the word "dumbassery"


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

It's good to hear this from others. It's an eye opener for sure. 
Now if I could just get my husband to stop flirting with every woman he meets we'd have a great marriage!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why not. They're big people. Just don't wake me up drunkenly crashing around the house and singing. And don't pass out in the driveway with the engine running.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Why not. They're big people. Just don't wake me up drunkenly crashing around the house and singing. And don't pass out in the driveway with the engine running.


Because if people want to live the single life than don't get married.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> It's good to hear this from others. It's an eye opener for sure.
> Now if I could just get my husband to stop flirting with every woman he meets we'd have a great marriage!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Communication is key. Let him know you don't like it and it hurts you. If there's no regard for you feelings after letting them be known than you have a problem.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 said:


> Because if people want to live the single life than don't get married.


:iagree:

Some people just love the single life too much to be viable marriage partners. 

If they want to live the single life than they need to be single.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Are you talking before or after dday.
> 
> Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.
> 
> After = sheer dumbassery


The chronic doormat, blind husband


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> Is that how you guys really feel? That a married woman has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?
> 
> I'm just curious because my husband has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed and that he is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the strip club putting singles in g-strings... (female strippers btw)
> 
> It's honestly just girls being girls. We get wild, we get hit on and giggle when it happens but that's all. I've never been out with the girls and one has decided "oh yes, I'm going home with this skeeze I just met because he bought me wine all night!" I don't think it's as common as y'all think. BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.


I didn't mean for this to be a question only for men (should of included BNO) and as I replied earlier, I am questioning only after D-day. 

I wanted to address your reply since it brings up good discussion. I for one, like my wife to get out with her friends and even encourage at times. I do think one should know how his/her friends "are". As long as the communication is good between the two have fun. You brought up "having a night off twice a month or so" Do you know if your H is ok with the amount of time you want a GNO? Is it becoming more frequent? Are you willing to compromise if he isn't?" I am not picking on you this is a question anyone should be asking themselves and comunicating with their significant other. This should be the norm for any couple. It goes both ways, asking/answering/compromising. 

You also brought up "4am"; to me since the bars close at 2am here I wouldn't be happy and would express that to her. As the police say nothing good happens after 2am. I understand that there will be a night here and there that it might happen. But there better be a text (even if I am asleep) "hey, leaving the bar, we are hungry, getting something to eat, I will be checking my phone in case you call/text". 

There has to be trust but there has to be communication and compromise too. We aren't children anymore so we don't have to do what are friends are doing all the time... family should always come first. This is just the way I see it.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 said:


> Communication is key. Let him know you don't like it and it hurts you. If there's no regard for you feelings after letting them be known than you have a problem.


Oh I have, he's told me that I need to deal with my own insecurity. I told him that it was part of his job to help me with my insecurities instead of perpetuating them. I think he's finally getting it. He refers to himself as charming rather than flirty. Needless to say, we have a long road ahead of us LOL.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

hotdogs said:


> It's good to hear this from others. It's an eye opener for sure.
> Now if I could just get my husband to stop flirting with every woman he meets we'd have a great marriage!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have this thing that everytime my boundry is crossed it shocks my dog. I don't need a fence, just a sensor around my property, and when the dog gets near it she gets a good zap. Now my dog knows what my boundries are.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Oh I have, he's told me that I need to deal with my own insecurity.


And you're dealing with it... You asked him to stop acting like an idiot with other women. You've done brilliantly. 

From what you wrote before on the 4am stuff and a curfew, i do not favor "curfews". It is much more useful to control the situation itself. Women can share activities that are perfectly harmless and the exact time they get home isn't an issue. But putting themselves in a situation where they get hit on by men is not good. Under those conditions there is little difference from coming in at 4am or at 11pm. The situation itself is the problem, not the timetable. 

You and your husband seem to have issues. You both place possibilities of flirting ahead of the other one's feelings. That's no good and resentment will only build up.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

costa200 said:


> And you're dealing with it... You asked him to stop acting like an idiot with other women. You've done brilliantly.
> 
> From what you wrote before on the 4am stuff and a curfew, i do not favor "curfews". It is much more useful to control the situation itself. Women can share activities that are perfectly harmless and the exact time they get home isn't an issue. But putting themselves in a situation where they get hit on by men is not good. Under those conditions there is little difference from coming in at 4am or at 11pm. The situation itself is the problem, not the timetable.
> 
> You and your husband seem to have issues. You both place possibilities of flirting ahead of the other one's feelings. That's no good and resentment will only build up.


You're right and the saddest part is that I started doing this to get back at him for never hOnoring my wishes. 
Pretty immature eh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Are you talking before or after dday.
> 
> Before = trust that the person you've committed yourself to will not do anything to hurt you.
> 
> After = sheer dumbassery


Not very smart before.

Open your eyes.

What good is it to lock the barn door after the cow gets away?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I'm out of town now, and just left the "bar" part of a restaurant. I was talking to three women, two married and one single. I'm not overstating things when I say I feel pretty confident that I could have taken one of the married women back to my hotel.

It's that easy. Seriously.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I'm out of town now, and just left the "bar" part of a restaurant. I was talking to three women, two married and one single. I'm not overstating things when I say I feel pretty confident that I could have taken one of the married women back to my hotel.
> 
> It's that easy. Seriously.


Yes it is. And when your CS has a history, it doesn't seem that hard for them to take another dip.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

hotdogs said:


> Is that how you guys really feel? That a married woman has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?
> 
> I'm just curious because my husband has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed and that he is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the strip club putting singles in g-strings... (female strippers btw)
> 
> It's honestly just girls being girls. We get wild, we get hit on and giggle when it happens but that's all. I've never been out with the girls and one has decided "oh yes, I'm going home with this skeeze I just met because he bought me wine all night!" I don't think it's as common as y'all think. BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.


I would not be ok with any of this. Many guys are though.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The bishop said:


> I didn't mean for this to be a question only for men (should of included BNO) and as I replied earlier, I am questioning only after D-day.
> 
> I wanted to address your reply since it brings up good discussion. I for one, like my wife to get out with her friends and even encourage at times. I do think one should know how his/her friends "are". As long as the communication is good between the two have fun. You brought up "having a night off twice a month or so" Do you know if your H is ok with the amount of time you want a GNO? Is it becoming more frequent? Are you willing to compromise if he isn't?" I am not picking on you this is a question anyone should be asking themselves and comunicating with their significant other. This should be the norm for any couple. It goes both ways, asking/answering/compromising.
> 
> ...


She lives in New Orleans. How much trouble can you get in there between 2am and 4am?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

GTdad said:


> I'm out of town now, and just left the "bar" part of a restaurant. I was talking to three women, two married and one single. I'm not overstating things when I say I feel pretty confident that I could have taken one of the married women back to my hotel.
> 
> It's that easy. Seriously.


Check your coat pocket for a key .... or two.


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## serenity 02030 (Mar 29, 2011)

Thats a big problem right now in our attempt at reconciliation. He would like to still go out with "the boys" after work a few times a month. He knows this is unfair to me , but he believes he can do it and never ever let anything happen to jepordize our marriage that he is working hard on. I think if i say no way, that might be a deal breaker with him, but my trust is gone


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

@hotdog

Is that how you *girls* really feel? That a married *man* has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?

I'm just curious because my *wife* has been really pissed when I roll in at 4am. I'm not sure if I should be annoyed that *she* is controlling or if I am just inconsiderate. I don't want to be inconsiderate. I just like having a night off twice a month or so and I get carried away...next thing you know we're all at the *male strip club* putting singles in g-strings... (*male *strippers btw)

It's honestly just *guys* being *guys*. We get wild, we get hit on and *laugh* when it happens but that's all. I've never been out with the *guys* and one has decided "oh yes, I'm going home with this *sl*t* I just met because *she* bought me wine all night!" I don't think it's as common as y'all think. BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.​
_I bet you would just love a man who behaves that way._


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> BUT none of us have cheated or anything like that so I dunno.


As far as you know.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Tony55 said:


> @hotdog
> 
> Is that how you *girls* really feel? That a married *man* has no business being out past 1am? We need curfews now?
> 
> ...


:toast:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

hotdogs said:


> Oh I have, he's told me that I need to deal with my own insecurity. I told him that it was part of his job to help me with my insecurities instead of perpetuating them. I think he's finally getting it. He refers to himself as charming rather than flirty. Needless to say, we have a long road ahead of us LOL.


He is full of sh!t.

See I think you need to be less insecure. BUT, what I mean by this is be more secure in standing your ground and that you are not going to out up with any more of this behavior. 

You have every right to feel insecure when your mate behaves in this way. It IS on him to listen to you and work through this. Basically he needs to pick you over this behavior.

I think all this stuff goes both ways.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

After infidelity GNO are done unless you divorce. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. 
I wouldn't be too proud of being able to pick up a married woman in a bar, that environment attracts loose women, married or not, like home depot attracts contractors.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> ...sometimes I get a dooshbag who asks "is it a happy marriage?" and that's when I say yes and walk away. Guys who do that really annoy the you know what out of me.


Good for you. My dumbass xWF actually answered the question and months later is left wondering how it all could've gone so wrong.

I have to believe she didn't really get hit on that much because she actually believed that "is it a happy marriage" could possibly be the start of a deep emotional bond.

And getting back to the topic at hand, I guess this is an "it depends" sort of answer. In my experience, if your wife doesn't understand "game," is approaching 30 and is now putting herself in situations like this, you are fvcked.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm probably one of the most progressive men I know but GNO are just not tolerated by me in most circumstances.

GNO, drinking without me in the presence of other guys, Facebook, ex's.

Marriage killers.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

I a bit ambivalent about this. I think that GNO could be okay, even after infidelity, given the activities are carefully chosen and proper boundaries are in place and respected. It's about attitude.

It wasn't a GNO that killed my marriage. My wife cheated with one of my kids' best friend's father. I find it hard to forbid my wife to pick up and hand over boys when having post-school activities. They managed to carry it out even when the kids were there.

If she would have had JUST a GNO; I would have been so happy today.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

cpacan said:


> I a bit ambivalent about this. I think that GNO could be okay, even after infidelity, given the activities are carefully chosen and proper boundaries are in place and respected. It's about attitude.
> 
> It wasn't a GNO that killed my marriage. My wife cheated with one of my kids' best friend's father. I find it hard to forbid my wife to pick up and hand over boys when having post-school activities. They managed to carry it out even when the kids were there.
> 
> If she would have had JUST a GNO; I would have been so happy today.


I'm about the same. It's not the activity so much as it is the behavior of the person partaking in it. If my W was going to consciously pursue cheating on me, that can be done anywhere, as stated above. I do not believe that to be the case...and I keep a pretty sharp eye out for red flags. I've really had none. I trust her a great deal...but never so much that I'll be blind.

On the other hand, the woman I was with before my W....I had suspicions and "gut feelings". We were in an "exclusive" relationship. She never had GNO's. Seemed pretty tame. GNO consisted of card games at someone's house and cupcake or cookie parties. Never went to a bar without me. That, however, did not stop her from hooking up with the girls basketball coach at the school she worked at and sometimes attended functions at night (that's how she met him). Nor did it stop her from hooking up with a guy she met on a dating website. She was slick, and hid it all under the guise of "work". I only wish I'd of listened to my gut a little better with that one, because I wasn't completely fooled, but wanted to believe otherwise. Maybe I didn't dig as deep as I should have. Will not ever make that mistake again.

Couldn't have trusted that one to make a run to the store without finding some guy who showed her some attention, and her falling for it because she "craved it" (the attention). 

On the other hand, I believe in my gut I can trust my W to act appropriately, even when presented with a less than appropriate environment or situation. I'm not saying she's infallible, but, I'd place my money on her in some "full service" bachlorette stripper party over many women I've known spending a couple hours at the pool or grocery store.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Let me qualify my fear by being a little more chavanist than normal.

There is almost always a woman in a group at GNO that is anti happiness. She's the one that will make negative comments to anything positive about a marriage or relationship. The wife has known her for years and trusts her implicitly but can't for the life of her see that this toxic friend is green with jealousy. She seeths at the thought of how much in love the wife is and will plant little seeds of doubt in her head no matter how steadfast she has appeared.

I freakin HATE HATE HATE toxic friend with a passion.

The guy version of BNO friend is harmless. He's a complete skirt chasing douche who can't stop making inapropriate jokes at the worst times and the rest of the guys just sort of put up with him. He's the guy that will aproach a group of women and hit on her relentlessly and not get the hint that she's not interested.

The difference here is that while he might make a comment or 2 about not understanding how any guy could ever get married (meanwhile he is also jealous of the relationship), he would not actively try to disrupt it. And even if he did he's not cunning enough to pull it off.

Flame away.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

sinnister said:


> The guy version of BNO friend is harmless. He's a complete skirt chasing douche who can't stop making inapropriate jokes at the worst times and the rest of the guys just sort of put up with him. He's the guy that will aproach a group of women and hit on her relentlessly and not get the hint that she's not interested.


Ah..do you mean like a group of guys having a *STIFLER* type of friend?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Not as annoying as stifler but close.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

The bishop said:


> Soneone please explain how anyone could allow their WS to go on weekends outings, GNO, overnight trips and such without them???? I keep seeing this same theme over and over... It is Infuriating!!!!


Because they may say they want R but deep down they just want out. I can see it also being a test. I mean if they are in R why would they want to go on a GNO. I mean if a wayward is really into R why would the choose to go? The answer cause they want things to go back to being fun. Well that's not R. 
But I think that if I were BS and my wife wanted to on a GNO or overnight trip. I would let them. They'd just have a var, a gps, and a spyware rigged phone.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Giving your SO permission (ESPECIALLY one who already cheated!!) to go to the bars and drink with single friends, and where they know members of the opposite sex are going to hit on them, and where people do sexually suggestive things together on the dance floor, is akin to putting a vial of nitroglycerin up on a high shelf. All it's gonna take is a small tremor and 

BANG

IMO, people who are respectful of their spouse will actively avoid such situations.

Why not go to a movie and out for dinner????????????????????


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Complexity said:


> It'd seem hypocritical if I say, "honey, I'm gonna get a few beers with the guys tonight, be home late" and then turn around and impose a curfew on when and where she can go.
> 
> Cheating can arise from anywhere. Work, facebook curiosity even the supermarket. If your spouse doesn't have proper boundaries and most importantly holds little value for you, they'll cheat whether you put them in solitary confinement or not.


If you have to keep a guard when your spouse goes to GNO, when they check FB, when they go to work, when they go to the supermarket, when they talk on the phone or when they do any other thing then they are not worth being a spouse at all.
What's the point of having to put boundaries on your spouse everytime he/she does something?
If they are not able to respect these boundaries in the first place then why stay with them.

So I agree with Complexity. GNOs is not the only place where cheating happens. It can be anywhere as long as the spouse wants to cheat.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I'm out of town now, and just left the "bar" part of a restaurant. I was talking to three women, two married and one single. I'm not overstating things when I say I feel pretty confident that I could have taken one of the married women back to my hotel.
> 
> It's that easy. Seriously.


It's oftentimes easier with a married woman or married man. That's so sad when you stop and really think about it.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

dogman said:


> Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. If your spouse has a history of having ONS before you met her, then she is capable in the future. If she cheated in past relationships then she CAN do it in yours.
> Shock should be when she cheats randomly but was honest and moral her entire life till then, not just faithful during your marriage.


Exactly! The pas is very important and should not be ignored. Someone who's used to have ONS/GNOs will likely want to have them every now and then. They either marry someone who is okay with that or the disagreements will make the relationship fail.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> But I can see your point, if the situation were reversed I wouldn't like my husband coming in at 4am.


See? I don't like these double standards. 
If I'm not having GNO then he's not having BNO. 
We either have it both or we don't have it at all. 
If I come home at 4am then I have no right to ask him to come earlier or vice versa.
We have to be fair here!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> I dont understand that either. My ex and a number of her toxic friends would go out, and let guys buy them drinks and talk and flirt.


Letting another guy buy you drinks while you're in a relationship means you're open to flirting with him. 
It means you're leading him on.



hotdogs said:


> Oh I have, he's told me that I need to deal with my own insecurity.


What??? That's not fair at all!!
I used to date a guy who thought that flirting with other women while in a relationship was okay. He would always smile/talk to random women on the street if he found them attractive.
When I addressed this concern to him he said I was just being insecure and jealous. 
I then said "No. I'm not being insecure! We just have different point of views about boundaries and respect in a relationship". 
Since then, I didn't talk to him anymore. Why would I want to put myself in a situation where I would always have to wonder what he was up to and who he was smiling at.


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

chapparal said:


> Because people have unrealistic expectations.. Because that means they get to go out by their self another night.
> 
> BTW First heard of a GNO in 1980. My buddy told me him and his wife had started doing it every week. I freaked and shewed him out. A month later, he comes into work and it was written all over his face. Two kids, mom finds "better" man, doivorced.
> 
> Since 1980, ALL the women I have known that did GNO's are divorced but 1. How you like those odds?


I know this is an old thread (was searching for threads started by The Bishop, who is what I always have referred to as serial cheaters and narcissists).

Do you all think that your spouse to stay faithful needs to be chained to you, come straight home from work and never go out past 7 pm with "the girls".

Am I naive that my wife and a friend have gone on trips alone (the other is single and both very attractive imo), and she can have lunches with males, go out with friends for drinks and stuff too? 

Sorry 26 years later we are not divorced or have any suspicions whatsoever.....


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

justbidingtime said:


> Sorry 26 years later we are not divorced or have any suspicions whatsoever.....


18 months ago, I could say exactly this. Turned out she had cheated on me the past 9 months. Just saying.

No, I don't believe in controlling behavior, but since then, I do believe in being careful and observant.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Lets look at this issue from the other end. This is the 21st Century, not the 19th. A man cannot and should not try to control his wife's behavior. Instead of trying to be macho and trying to be controlling, why don't you pick a better wife?


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