# New Guy from UK... Hi all



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Hi

I hope your all well, I'm a 29 year old guy from the uk. I'd like to introduce myself and point out in not here to moan, i just have lots of stuff I need to say and don't really have anywhere to voice it.

I have been married for around 2 years now, and I love her dearly but we do miss that spark. Now this is entirely my fault as the spark was never there on s physical level so I can't expect it to appear but as I have got older I just want or need it... is that ridiculous? I want her to want me on a physical level...???

We can't talk about anything related to sex as she gets embarrassed and has led a very sheltered life and thinks everyone does it in one position on the bed in darkness , which is fine for her but I came from some much more sexually exciting relationships where I was her first and she has no intentions on changing.. and why would she? It's me who has to change and get rid of my desires to want to kiss with passion and have sex for more then the purpose of producing a baby!!

We get on ok, kind of like mates.. we have no reason to argue or fall out unless I bring something up and we could just plod along like this forever.

She is desperate for a kid, I agreed and we have tried for twelve months but now she's obsessed, I mean we have sex to 'make a baby' and I know that will die off once she has one. She looks after the mates kids all the time, constantly buying them presents... it's nice but why is she not showing any interest in holiday brochures im bringing home to try and make the most of our kid free time? Why has she just been away for 5 days and when she came back there wasn't a kiss?? Or a iv Missed you she just goes back inside and gets her phone out while i tidy the shed!!

Iv told her I want to wait for s kid, I want to do exciting things and see places with her but nothing's happened... she has a spark for the kid and that's it.... I feel like we're mates... good ones but I want and need a lover, I need someone who's on my level mentally and physically and isn't obsessed with kids.... iv told her all this and iv told her we need to wait but it just comes down to me having s time limit and I have to decide in 3 months if I want one or it's not fair and why should she stay with me if I can't give her s kid right this min!!!

She's only 28!!

We have lived together for years, we don't share any passions other than eating out and I don't know what to do!!! Iv given up my hobbies which were fairly extravagant as she didn't share them with me and had no interests even though they are things that can be shared 

I need to turn it around from being mates to lovers ... help me.... I don't know what to do  it's breaking my heart it really is 


Sorry for the rant I don't expect anyone will get this far


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Welcome to TAM. Hope we can give you some helpful input.

There are two books that I think are a good place for you to start. 

*Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence *
by Esther Perel

*The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide*  by Michele Weiner Davis

I'm sure that there will be others along.

Also, I would like to move your thread to the General Relationship Discussion as that's a more active forum. I'll wait for your ok and move it in the morning if you are ok with that. That's morning for me which is evening for you since I live across the globe from you. :grin2:

Ele


----------



## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

Welcome to the forum! 

I will let other people with more experience answer your main question, but what I will say is to put the plans to have a baby on ice until you have resolved the main issues. The last thing you want is to bring a baby into the equation right now.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I know... I am trying to get her to stop but she doesn't see the ther issues as a problem 

So I'm the bad guy for stopping it


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Do you think it's fair for me to want more intimacy ? Or should I just settle? I mean I feel like I'm asking too much it's so hard o


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Welcome to TAM. Hope we can give you some helpful input.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Of course it's ok to move it, I'll look forward to that this evening/your morning 

Thanks


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Do you think it's fair for me to want more intimacy ? Or should I just settle? I mean I feel like I'm asking too much it's so hard o


No you should not just settle. I very aware of what it is like to be married to someone who does not want sex since I was married to a guy after some time of marriage did not want sex anymore. It's very hurtful to have a normal to high sex drive and be with someone who does not want sex with you.

If your girlfriend is low drive (LD), asexual or just socialized to avoid sex then that's just her. There is nothing wrong with her.

If you are normal to high drive (HD), there is nothing wrong with you.

The problem is that the two of you are not sexually compatible. 

I do not suggest that you just try stuffing your emotional need for sex. It will destroy you emotionally. It's already harming you. 

You can however see if you can change her attitude towards sex, this might work if her issue is that she was socialized to have her attitude towards sex. But, be warned that most people who are socialized to have this kind of attitude tend to abandon it when they are with someone that they are sexually attracted to. The biology wins out. So she is probably LD and/or asexual. Or she's just not sexually attracted to you. She might love the living daylights out of you in every way but not be sexually attracted to you.

I am assuming that she was like things from the very start of your relationship. Is that right?

If I were you, I would give it some time, maybe 6 months. Read the books. Have her read them. Discuss them. Go see a marriage/relationship counselor who is also a sex therapist who can show her how to tap into her sexuality.

Keep in mind also that she might be withholding sex as a way to control you and the relationship. This will come out in talking and counseling if that's the issue. If she is, it's particularly cruel of her. (This is what my ex did.. control and punishment) 

Between the books and the therapist, she has to come to realize that sex is a normal part of marriage/relationships. And if she does not want a good, healthy sexual relationship with you, then she needs to let you go. And she needs to be with an asexual mat a man with who has a libido.

There are two other books that I'm going to suggest: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read these two together and do the work that they suggest. The HN/HN book explains the importance of sex in marriage along with a lot of other things.

You really need to sit her down and tell her that sex is normal and so important in a relationship that you will not continue in a near sexless relationship where you have to beg for sex and are made to feel bad for having a normal sex drive. That before any children are brought into this relationship it has to change. You need for her to read the books with you, do the work and go to a sex therapist with you. If she won't do that, the relationship is over.

then give it 6 months. If it's better in 6 months, give it another 6 months before even thinking of children. Why? Because she can fake it for 6 months. It will be much harder for her to fake it for a year.

If nothing works, then you really need to break up with her. I'm sorry but that is the emotionally healthy thing to do.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> No you should not just settle. I very aware of what it is like to be married to someone who does not want sex since I was married to a guy after some time of marriage did not want sex anymore. It's very hurtful to have a normal to high sex drive and be with someone who does not want sex with you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Hey

It was probably about 6 months ago we sat down , and I said to her in such a sexual tactile person ( and I don't mean crazy sex, i just love being tactile, lying in bed touching playing, teasing , laughing) and I said we need to try new things. She let me try oral on her once which is something I have loved wth girls in the past and something I crave so badly now. She hated it and said she didn't want me to do it again. She tried oral on me for the first time after 7 years together and she hated that too although she wouldn't admit it but you just know don't you!! But I was her first sexual partner, she's very naive and Will NOT discuss sex or anything to do with it with anyone and I can't really discuss it with her... I fact she's lying in bed next to me right now and I'd do anything to have a big meaningful sexy kiss and just have a laugh about that!! 

She pushes me away if I touch her on top of her clothes or jumps so far that I die a bit inside, if I walk in from walk and she's in the kitchen I'll go over and put my arms around her and she jumps but all I want to do is kiss her neck but she says I need to warn her but that takes the whole point away if Doing it

Your right, she has always been the same but we have always had things to look forward too, new house, new car, wedding, a holiday bit now it's a kid, and she's pretending to want the sex but I know once it comes it's going to go and my sex drive is to high to carry on like it.

Without being vulgar ( I think anything to do with talking about sex is that now as we can't discuss it) I suggested maybe she explorers her self which she was disgusted with and she couldn't understand why I would want to mastebate ... she says people have sex because they love each other... and I am trying to hammer home it can also be for fun!!! Like it's a fun thing for me at least ... I'm at my wits end with all of this!!! It's so hard, I love her cute little ways... but I need to feel like I'm dating an adult who wants me and not a mate that feels like a kid to talk to when it comes to that !!! Ahhh


I'll suggest sex therapy again but last time she said no, because she doesn't see a problem !!! 

I just don't want a kid right now.... but I'm the bad guy for deciding that 12 months into a marriage ... I want things to be good between us first


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

One other thing I should mention is that she's a night worker , and I have begged her to change to days so we can spend evenings and most importantly bed time together but she loves the lifestyle of working nights and seeing her mates in the day.... I don't like to use the word depressed but it gets me so down some days I just rest my head on the steering wheel of the car when I'm stopped and feel so out of energy ...

I want her to want me, to spend time with me and get the feck off Facebook when we do spend nights together

Maybe I have a fantasy woman in my head that doesn't exist , but my wife doesn't even keep the house clean so I don't really know if I'm asking too much


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You're not asking too much.

AT ALL.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Picture your life without sex. No sex for 20 years. That's your life if you have children with her. 

When the kids go off to university you will divorce.

She likes working nights so she can see her mates during the day? What's up with that? What about you?

It's cold but I think she sees you just as a sperm donor. 

I have food in my refrigerator longer than you have been married. YOU having kids with her is a big big mistake. 

Btw, why did you even marry her?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Picture your life without sex. No sex for 20 years. That's your life if you have children with her.
> 
> When the kids go off to university you will divorce.
> 
> ...



I'm impulsive sometimes and want that perfect married life, we get on like mates we really do! And we never argued once untill I started bringing stuff up.

We have been on some really nice holidays and just lay in the sun, I have sat there watching other people sneaking around going off to rooms for some ' fun' and innentjonnsruff and it's always not now.. I'll be sore, I don't want to leak everywhere which are both bull **** because she isn't dry so she isn't sore I know that.

We are like housemates but it's sad because in othrler ways we get on she's just desperate for a kid and obsessed with my mates kids but I'm just so unreasonable for wanting more.

I just wish I was less of a sexual person, I wish I didn't want to touch her at night , or in the day or just anywhere in the house... I wish I didn't want to go for annaughtt weekend or night away occasionally but I do!!! I want alll that and after 8 years todherher I miss it all so much. I know I was only early 20's back then so things were different and maybe married people don't do that but I can dream

In regards to the whybdid I marry her question, well!! I did ask to put it off but she wasn't happy with that so it happened....

I hate the nights, there 3 or 4 coming up from tommorow ... and iv been feeling myself sink lower and lower the last day or two knowing there in the horizon!!! But it's a crap cycle of resenting her for them , hating it while there happening then then starting again!!

I hate it that when it's that time of the month she can offer sex that is ok, but then it's the one position in bed and all she's gotta say is ' I love you' tickle my back and i am anyone's cos I just love being touched and tactile so much. 

Ahhh sorry I'm ranting so much!!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Hey
> 
> It was probably about 6 months ago we sat down , and I said to her in such a sexual tactile person ( and I don't mean crazy sex, i just love being tactile, lying in bed touching playing, teasing , laughing) and I said we need to try new things. She let me try oral on her once which is something I have loved wth girls in the past and something I crave so badly now. She hated it and said she didn't want me to do it again. She tried oral on me for the first time after 7 years together and she hated that too although she wouldn't admit it but you just know don't you!! But I was her first sexual partner, she's very naive and Will NOT discuss sex or anything to do with it with anyone and I can't really discuss it with her... I fact she's lying in bed next to me right now and I'd do anything to have a big meaningful sexy kiss and just have a laugh about that!!
> 
> ...


Does she like to be touched in other ways, like holding hands? It almost sounds like she adverse to touch, like she has Asperger's.

I don't know how you can say married to her without out huge change in the way she is about sex. The way things are right now is not something I could live with. Most women are not like this at all.

Like I said, both of you are OK, But you two are not compatible. One of you needs to change. There really is on way for you to change because your needs are driven by your biology. If you stay in this situation, you are going to bet angry and bitter over time.

If she will not even contemplate exploring changes, then I think you need to leave her. I know that this is hard. But sexual incompatibility is a good reason to divorce someone. I'll bet if you tell her that you are leaving her over this she will suddenly find the desire to make changes. But you would need to be willing her call her bluff if she does not make changes.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Holding hands, hugs, spooning in bed she loves... as long as I don't touch her breasts or anywhere else without prior warning .. it can't be spur of the moment and she isn't really ever excited for it

If I touch her leg for example or even go as far as to stroke her thigh if we are in the car she will just lift my hand away and the same if we are on the sofa

She will let me touch her clit when she wants sex but no fueether down, certainly no fingers or any touching other than the clit. She has allowed me to give her oral once or twice but she twinges ( in a bad way) and just looks uncomfy and unhappy.

The second time I got somewhere with it and she made a noise like she enjoyed it but after that refused to let it happen again , she hated it upnto the point she liked it if that makes sense.

I know we're incompatible in that way, I have hobbies she hates which I understand women don't like cars and aircraft so I have had to give up my pilots licence because what's the point if you can't take your wife for s jolly out on a nice weekend.... oh my goodness I once suggested the mile high club.... first of all she didn't know what it was and then she was disgusted and each time she gets disgusted or snubs something I say i just dislike her a little bit.

I know I have a high sex drive but I'm scared that I'll ever find anyone else, or that other women are the same ... it's a big jump isn't it ... and s hard subject to bring up when she thinks everything is fine.

I'm going to have to call her bluff again... and just say... I'll be leaving if you can't change. She won't change her nights so that's for me to deal with


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Example-

She went seats last tue/wed/thur/fri came back sat morn.

She was tired sat night, fell asleep Sunday night so I have waited around this morning untill she woke cuddling her in bed and said I'm not going for 30 mins and she is just lying on her phone ... i suspect she may be on her period but is a kiss out of the question... I guess I'll do the usual, wait for her to have a shower and sort my self out !!! Frustrating !!


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Sex is terrible. 

If you bring up the relationship issues she argues. 

You really didn't want to marry her. She dragged you. 

You give up your hobbies 

She would rather spend the days with her mates than nights with you. 

Well, don't you see the marriage sucks. 

She wants a baby to meet her needs. You don't meet her needs. And she certainly doesn't meet yours. 

It won't get better. Ever.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

She dragged, well I did but I wanted to put it off but then I was blackmailed almost into doing it... it's a long story but I just wanted to chill and relax and there was no rush

I think the fact I was getting no sex at the time was a big thing and just one little glimpse at it does the usual male thing of gookg ' yea ok then lets do whatever you want'

Flying was my one big passion in life , I would love to share it with someone 

All our mates have kids, she goes out with them in the day when I'm at work so I don't get to see them because it's already been done 

It's good to get a different perspective on it, my parents say the same as you lot as a matter of fact.

I want someone to want me, not the nice house and the fact I can give her a kid and put up with her being tired all the time


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

She's not really tired all the time - she just uses that as an excuse. Because if she is tired now, how can she handle a baby?

And she blackmailed you into marriage??

And you gave up your passion (flying) so she can have hers (babies)?

She can get babies from anyone. 

Is she going to quit working when the baby comes?

Leave now or get stuck with child support and spousal support.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I told her to cut down hours and go to days of a baby came but she wants to stick to nights ... which is stupid as that's an option where she works and she just wants the money 

She is tired but says she isn't, she's tired because she works all night and sees her mates all day so sleeps on the sofa when I'm gone 

Well I don't know if blackmail is the right word, but she sent a message to everyone saying that the weddings off I didn't want to marry her which obviously caused everyone to be like oh my god what a twat how would he do such a thing??? So I have in 

I give up my passion because she isn't interested in flying with me , and it's not much fun alone I want to share it with other people. 

I have suggested let's use the six months of not trying for kids to go on holidays and do some crazy things but none have happened , iv been the travel agents and there's no enthusiasm for it form her part!!! I expected some excitement towards a trip to the Maldives but she couldn't get the time off


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

She would make an excellent mum, there's no denying that


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> She would make an excellent mum, there's no denying that




Yes. But a terrible or non existent wife

You will essentially be a single dad when them baby comes, but no chance of getting affection, touch, or sex.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

It's good to hear , it's exactly the concerns of my parents when I speak to them ... she would be all about the baby 

I live a single life now ... doing my own thing


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Try a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

I don't actually see any hope for your marriage.

My advice is to get back your identity and work on yourself.

Being a strong and confident man who is self sufficient and satisfied with his life is attractive.

You will attract women. Your current roommate isn't someone you should be considering having a baby with much less sex.

I was actually cringing reading your posts.

I would have a few shocking suggestions but I don't think your ready or equipped to follow them.

I would honestly just like it if you walked away leaving her a letter containing everything you have written in your posts.

She isn't your wife. She is your owner. This is a very bad match.

Get out I would say.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. I get a kick from your name!


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do your wife's mates that have kids work outside the home or are they stay at home moms? 

What did you and your wife agree to about working after the baby is born?

It appears here dream life is to be a mom, and hang out with her mates with kids all day. 

Your role in her life will be to provide the income for her dreams.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You can find a woman who wants to have an enthusiastic, happy, frequent sex life with you. You can find a woman who wants to go on romantic, sexy, weekend? getaways with you. You can find a woman who can't want to see you when you get home from work and can't keep her hands off of you. You can find a woman who contributes as much energy to the relationship as you do. You can find a woman who wants to go flying with you

You seem to doubt these things exist. They do.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Try a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy".
> 
> I don't actually see any hope for your marriage.
> 
> ...


OP, here is a link to the book. It's free. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Livvie said:


> You can find a woman who wants to have an enthusiastic, happy, frequent sex life with you. You can find a woman who wants to go on romantic, sexy, weekend? getaways with you. You can find a woman who can't want to see you when you get home from work and can't keep her hands off of you. You can find a woman who contributes as much energy to the relationship as you do. You can find a woman who wants to go flying with you
> 
> You seem to doubt these things exist. They do.



Maybe it just seems like a long shot ... I think when your stuck in a rut it's hard to see the way out. 

I think to be honest I could cope with a lower amount of intimacy if it wasn't nights 3 or 4 times a week and then tired for the 5th

I'd love all of those things, I see friends that go inand see there partners and the partner can take a joke and share some banter back with finding it awkward or feeling forced



Her friends work normal shift and then go home and see there partners after spending the Time with her and then she goes off to work.

I have so many dreams, I dream of flying around Europe stopping off at different countries and seeing somewhere and something different and then going somewhere else

I have dreams of European road trips , going to the thestre or s musical concert but I just wish she shared them with me


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> OP, here is a link to the book. It's free. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf



Please share your suggestions, I may cringe or may not be ready but I need to hear them

I'll check out the book too


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> OP, here is a link to the book. It's free. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


You are awesome!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Please share your suggestions, I may cringe or may not be ready but I need to hear them
> 
> I'll check out the book too


Mrs. Conan just woke up and I'm busy giving her her morning molestation.

Get back to ya later.


----------



## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Hi
> 
> 
> 
> ...


*Talk, talk, talk. Lay it all out now, before it is too late. You are setting your lives up to be sad. Get outside help.*


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I have suggested let's use the six months of not trying for kids to go on holidays and do some crazy things but none have happened , iv been the travel agents and there's no enthusiasm for it form her part!!! I expected some excitement towards a trip to the Maldives but she couldn't get the time off


If she has no enthusiasm for a trip to the Maldives then you need to check for pulse and breathing asap!!

There are a lot of people here who put up with what you are doing for a long time, and most of us because spouse showed some enthusiasm as long as it took to get pregnant.

She may be LD or asexual but she also said her wedding vows to you, and even the church recognises a marriage as an intimate relationship.

The misery you experience now is only the start. I know how you feel going on holiday looking at other couples and wondering what he has that you don't to have a partner that wants him like that. Once your resentment builds it will be difficult for you to be a part of the solution, if that becomes a possibility.

You have to put a stop to anything that could lead to pregnancy it's just not fair to intentionally bring a child into a dead relationship. She needs help and/or counseling and you need to make it clear that you two will have either a marriage or nothing. You can't go through your life without any form of physical interaction, that is just torture.

You have no idea how I wish I had received that advice when I got married as I would have avoided wasting 20 years of my life, my wonderful daughter excepted of course!!


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

So I'm not alone? Other people have looked at there wife and though I love this woman but I wish she was more physical and I wish it didn't feel like it's all about s baby ? It's good to hear!! 

Well she has just told me she's not pregnant this month which is a relief, so it's condoms from now forward so she knows I'm serious... I can't cope with thinking she's being nice to get a kid!!! 

My parents have asked if she was absused
As a kid and is thst why she hates being touched but she wasn't so j think some counselling would help but she refuses

I'm not claiming to be the perfect husband, nor do I have model good looks but I want to be loving and caring and get it all back... I don't want to suffocate her but I do want her to want to spend time with me

I do wonder what other people have that I dont, every says in the life and soul and in the funny guy out the bunch but it's slowly draining out of me when my jokes and references go over her head I can only be my real funny self around my mates

Maybe I'll check her pulse, god the last time we went the Maldives there was a couple in the see playing and splashing and kissing and I was on a canoe by my self just getting more and more angry about the fact it wasn't me!!!


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Thanks for the book link... seems interesting so far


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

The problem is, I am a nice guy and I have all those negative traits... so clearly I need to fix myself and my issues first


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Walk in.... I'm invisible... she's been with her mum all day and now she's on the phone to her for another half an hour!!! For gods sake I hope my mindset changes


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Walk in.... I'm invisible... she's been with her mum all day and now she's on the phone to her for another half an hour!!! For gods sake I hope my mindset changes


For your sake I hope it does too. Please spend some more time here on TAM and read other peoples stories. You'll quickly come across stories from posters who've been in sexless marriages much longer than you. You have a chance to learn from their mistakes and get the balls to make some necessary changes in your life.

There are over 7 billion people on this planet, 7 billion OP! You can do better, you deserve better. You have dreams and aspirations that would make many young women smile with yearning.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Holding hands, hugs, spooning in bed she loves... as long as I *don't touch her breasts* or anywhere else without prior warning .. it can't be spur of the moment and *she isn't really ever excited for it*


Just wondering if you've ever hurt her in this area previously? Not saying that you intended to, but accidentally pinched or whatever a little too hard? I'm wondering because for quite a long time, my husband would pinch, bite, suck like a vacuum, and boy did it hurt! It got to the point where I started covering my girls up and wouldn't let him near them. Now, I try to be more open, but still flinch and cringe, and absolutely hate it when he touches them. I try not to show it, but I'm sure he knows.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> For your sake I hope it does too. Please spend some more time here on TAM and read other peoples stories. You'll quickly come across stories from posters who've been in sexless marriages much longer than you. You have a chance to learn from their mistakes and get the balls to make some necessary changes in your life.
> 
> 
> 
> There are over 7 billion people on this planet, 7 billion OP! You can do better, you deserve better. You have dreams and aspirations that would make many young women smile with yearning.



Reading story after story I realise I'm not alone now, I realise that my marriage isn't sexless.... there lots of sex while she wants the kid but I remember nights before we were engraved, before we were married just lying in bed so frustrated wanting some action ... so it's not hard to remember exactly what it's going to be like after the kid if that happened 

Ha, I would hope my dreams and aspirations would make a woman happy... I have my own business so I am motivated and work a lot but I like to think I can give my all when I'm home each night and weekends and make someone laugh


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Ursula said:


> Just wondering if you've ever hurt her in this area previously? Not saying that you intended to, but accidentally pinched or whatever a little too hard? I'm wondering because for quite a long time, my husband would pinch, bite, suck like a vacuum, and boy did it hurt! It got to the point where I started covering my girls up and wouldn't let him near them. Now, I try to be more open, but still flinch and cringe, and absolutely hate it when he touches them. I try not to show it, but I'm sure he knows.



No I haven't , I mean I am very tactile so all
My touching is very gentle... and iv never really had chance to suck or pinch.... 

She just flinches and says boobs are for baby's not for me....


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I'm thinking mAybe I should seek advice and help in case me wanting sex and stuff that goes with it is unreasonable and maybe I have some sort of sex addiction??? Or obsession perhaps.... so maybe it's all me and she's just normal. I am open to the idea that it might be me


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Iv booked my self to see a sex therapist ... im causing rows over it no reason now


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Nothing unreasonable about what you want, and if everything you're telling us is accurate, it's HER that needs the therapist, not you. The rows will only get worse until she resolves her problem, but it appears she has no intent to do so. Do not marry her, do not attempt to have children with her. If anything, you should try a trial separation. Not only is she sexually dysfunctional, she's not even a good enough friend to understand that she has to make some sacrifices to keep you happy. She's not relationship material, for anyone.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Iv booked my self to see a sex therapist ... im causing rows over it no reason now


OMG!! No! There is nothing wrong with you! There are many couples who have sex many times a week! Especially when young, and before children. You two want different things out of life. There is nothing wrong with you.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Livvie said:


> OMG!! No! There is nothing wrong with you! There are many couples who have sex many times a week! Especially when young, and before children. You two want different things out of life. There is nothing wrong with you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I couldn't agree more! OP, there's absolutely _nothing_ wrong with you, or wanting to have sex with your significant other; in fact, that's the way it should be!


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I don't wish to lead anyone up the wrong path. We do have sex, we have sex in the same position and I'm not allowed to do anything new or different and the sex in my eyes is to produce a baby. So I want to re iterate it's not that we don't have sex, it's just it's for a purpose if that makes sense... she's never mentioned sex out side of actually doing it and will not discuss it or allow me to talk about it. I asked her last night if she has any fantasies and she said no she does everything she wants to do... she asked me and said not fantasys but I would love to maybe use my fingers, or perform oral on you or maybe have sex outside of the bedroom and she just said no I don't want to you should respect i don't want to if you love me... 

She's right, I should accept her !!

Unfortunately we are already married :/ which makes things harder

I nearly broke up with her or tried seperation because the nights make me so sad, and I just yearn for some company ... she is like a kid to talk to when it comes to adult conversation and I long to be able to talk about sex to a member of the opposite sex and laugh about it or share fantasies or things we would like to do and actually do them


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I don't wish to lead anyone up the wrong path. We do have sex, we have sex in the same position and I'm not allowed to do anything new or different and the sex in my eyes is to produce a baby. So I want to re iterate it's not that we don't have sex, it's just it's for a purpose if that makes sense... she's never mentioned sex out side of actually doing it and will not discuss it or allow me to talk about it. I asked her last night if she has any fantasies and she said no she does everything she wants to do... she asked me and said not fantasys but I would love to maybe use my fingers, or perform oral on you or maybe have sex outside of the bedroom and she just said no I don't want to you should respect i don't want to if you love me...
> 
> She's right, I should accept her !!
> 
> ...


OMG stop being such a nice guy and do something about your situation instead of just wallowing in grief. Quit blaming yourself and falling victim for her bs again and again. 

What was the point of coming here if you're not going to at least internalize some of the advice you've received and use it to change your perception of your situation???


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You are this miserable now. Imagine how you will feel decades from now. You two are not a match. The time to go your separate ways is now.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Oh no , I am doing something about it ... telling her what I want and if she doesn't like it she can go!!! I deserve to be happy and I'm sure if I search hard enough I'll find a woman who wants the same as me ... it may take time but I won't rush


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Oh no , I am doing something about it ... telling her what I want and if she doesn't like it she can go!!! I deserve to be happy and I'm sure if I search hard enough I'll find a woman who wants the same as me ... it may take time but I won't rush




Your search won't be as hard as you think.


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Oh no , I am doing something about it ... telling her what I want and if she doesn't like it she can go!!! I deserve to be happy and I'm sure if I search hard enough I'll find a woman who wants the same as me ... it may take time but I won't rush


What do you plan to tell her OP?


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I don't wish to lead anyone up the wrong path. We do have sex, we have sex in the same position and I'm not allowed to do anything new or different and the sex in my eyes is to produce a baby. So I want to re iterate it's not that we don't have sex, it's just it's for a purpose if that makes sense... she's never mentioned sex out side of actually doing it and will not discuss it or allow me to talk about it. I asked her last night if she has any fantasies and she said no she does everything she wants to do... she asked me and said not fantasys but I would love to maybe use my fingers, or perform oral on you or maybe have sex outside of the bedroom and she just said no I don't want to you should respect i don't want to if you love me...
> 
> She's right, I should accept her !!
> 
> ...




You don't have sex. You have attempts at impregnation. That is all. And once she is pregnant you will not even have that. 

Her comment that you should accept that if you love her is laughable.

You are extremely lucky. Your wife has already told you how your marriage future is going to be BEFORE any kids come, rather than after. 

Heed her warning, and ours.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Your search won't be as hard as you think.



Right now it seems like a scary prospect


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> What do you plan to tell her OP?



I plan to be brutally honest about how I want her to consider my feeling about her shift patters when the nights are optional

I am going to tell her exactly what I was sexually, and tell her I can't go for the rest of my life without it, it's driving me mad and that I don't expect her to change as that's unfair so I think I should accept that maybe I am too highly driven when it comes to sex and move on

I know throwing 7 years away is a bit extreme but all I do is wonder if other people have more sex, I wonder if every single female I meet would be any different ....


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Then again I know what I'm like, if she crus... which she will I'll just give in


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I plan to be brutally honest about how I want her to consider my feeling about her shift patters when the nights are optional
> 
> I am going to tell her exactly what I was sexually, and tell her I can't go for the rest of my life without it, it's driving me mad and that I don't expect her to change as that's unfair so I think I should accept that maybe I am too highly driven when it comes to sex and move on
> 
> I know throwing 7 years away is a bit extreme but all I do is wonder if other people have more sex, I wonder if every single female I meet would be any different ....




Yes other people have more sex. Yes other single females are different. 

As for the 7 years, is it better to throw away 17 or 27?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Fair comment... and your right... I know that now no matter how hard it is


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Keke24 said:
> 
> 
> > What do you plan to tell her OP?
> ...


I don't know why you want to present it as you are "too highly driven when it comes to sex". You sound pretty normal to me. Why nott say that you two are very different and not compatible? You don't have to make yourself out to be an anomaly. You aren't.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bloke

If you exert enough pressure, she will make some effort - on her schedule / your sex life. But it will not last. 

You two are massively incompatible. Love without compatibility = misery. 

You are already a low priority to her. After a baby that will get far worse. 




Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I plan to be brutally honest about how I want her to consider my feeling about her shift patters when the nights are optional
> 
> I am going to tell her exactly what I was sexually, and tell her I can't go for the rest of my life without it, it's driving me mad and that I don't expect her to change as that's unfair so I think I should accept that maybe I am too highly driven when it comes to sex and move on
> 
> I know throwing 7 years away is a bit extreme but all I do is wonder if other people have more sex, I wonder if every single female I meet would be any different ....


----------



## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

*After a baby that will get far worse. 
*

if you think you are unhappy and neglected now........this is nothing compared to what's coming after you conceive with her.

run for the hills.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

MEM2020 said:


> Bloke
> 
> 
> 
> ...



It's funny you said that, after the whole nearly separating thing that's what she decided she would give oral on me a go... she hated it, she didn't want to do it but it was for the pirpose of keeping the peace.... it wasn't enjoyable because she didn't want it but it makes the point that if I exert pressure things happen... but that's because it's forced...

And the same with the shifts, weekend nights faded but the nights in the week stayed the same.... 

I asked for a message or two during the day, which came but as soon as I stopped sending the first one I don't hear from her 

So your certainly right on that front


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Ask your wife if you were infertile, would she still stay married to you.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I have as it happens as for 16 months she hasn't used any protection and she didn't get pregnant. She's come on now luckily and I have told her no more trying at the moment, so it's going to be interesting to see what happens when the condoms come out 

She said she would want to adopt , and made some comment about not wanting to be a single mum without me but it was a while ago and I have forgotten


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

By the way, telling her now more trying was hard and I may as well if show her mum in the fact with a cannon for the tesrsa and reaction and names I was called


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I have as it happens as for 16 months she hasn't used any protection and she didn't get pregnant. She's come on now luckily and I have told her no more trying at the moment, so it's going to be interesting to see what happens when the condoms come out
> 
> She said she would want to adopt , and made some comment about not wanting to be a single mum without me but it was a while ago and I have forgotten




Of course she still would want you around after the baby was born. She wants your paycheck to fund her stay at home mom life.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Of course she still would want you around after the baby was born. She wants your paycheck to fund her stay at home mom life.



That's true, I did ask her before what would happen if I just said no I don't want s kid ever and she said we couldn't stay together


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> That's true, I did ask her before what would happen if I just said no I don't want s kid ever and she said we couldn't stay together




There is nothing wrong with what she said. She wants kids and if you don't then she doesn't want to stay married. 

Your problem is that your wife wants to be a mom and sees her role of a wife as a very low priority. 

If she was a good wife, meaning she wanted to spent time with you , and have recreation sex, you wouldn't be here.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Oh yes I know her answer is perfectly reasonable ... that sums it up you know.... she nice, today we are walking to the shops and it will be a nice day ( as I would with my freinds) I will take her for a meal and then we will sit watching g the tv later and go to bed... like what I would with my friends 

So you Sum that up well, if it was just a case of saying... let's remain mates... no hard feelings let's move on and it wasn't so upsetting I'd do it right now

I need to grow a pair once I accept it fully


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Oh yes I know her answer is perfectly reasonable ... that sums it up you know.... she nice, today we are walking to the shops and it will be a nice day ( as I would with my freinds) I will take her for a meal and then we will sit watching g the tv later and go to bed... like what I would with my friends
> 
> So you Sum that up well, if it was just a case of saying... let's remain mates... no hard feelings let's move on and it wasn't so upsetting I'd do it right now
> 
> I need to grow a pair once I accept it fully




Look at it this way. Yes it will be hard for both of you. But it is also better for your wife that you do it sooner so that she has more time to find a compatible husband/donor.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Donor..... nail on the head


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Please share your suggestions, I may cringe or may not be ready but I need to hear them
> 
> I'll check out the book too


There is no hard and fast rule for successful relationships.

No cookie cutter or assembly line model.

For this relationship to be successful, as in satisfying for you both, you would need to transform into a very strong and authorative figure.

You would need to become a sort of benevolent dictator /tyrant /mentor to her.

It would require great fortitude from you to encourage /push her to grow as an individual and your mate.

You would need to become carefully dominant. 

Becoming that kind of man is probably beyond what you are willing or capable of and should only be considered if you desperately love and cherish her.

I am somewhat like the character I described and am able to function in a relationship like that.

Mrs. Conan has come a long way but it has been a lot of work and she has had to do some teaching and mentoring of me as well.

I still don't believe you have a good match with her and unless she sees it and adopts heartfelt change, you should vamoose.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Well we argued , she wasn't prepared to use condones as her interpretation of not trying was to just pretend we weren't and Carey on having sex .... so if I wanted to stop trying we just stopped sex because I'm emotionally abusing her apparently ... 

And I waked out


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Well we argued , she wasn't prepared to use condones as her interpretation of not trying was to just pretend we weren't and Carey on having sex .... so if I wanted to stop trying we just stopped sex because I'm emotionally abusing her apparently ...
> 
> And I waked out




I know you love your wife. Part of that love is understanding her needs and wants. There is no shame in divorce if you are just not compatible and don't have the same life goals. Set her free to follow her desired path. 

Your wife doesn't understand or want to understand the role of the husband and father. She wants to play mommy and play house. Perhaps that is because of her upbringing. But that is not healthy for the child either. 

You have your answer. She doesn't want sex with you, or probably anyone else. She wants a baby daddy. And a cash machine or whatever you call it in the UK. 

She probably honestly thinks you are abusing her by withholding the one thing she wants most in life - to be a mother.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

On my way to a hotel for the night .... this is so hard


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The world is full of this EXACT story. 

The folks who walk away talk about how glad they are. The ones who stay - are miserable. 




Blokeymcblokeface said:


> On my way to a hotel for the night .... this is so hard


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> On my way to a hotel for the night .... this is so hard




Go gather your thoughts. Go see your mates tonight but don't get drunk. Otherwise you will go home, have sex and conceive. 

Remember if your wife says she hates you or will always hate you, this will confirm that the marriage was always about her only, and not the two of you as a couple. 

It is sad that your wife sees making love to you as emotional abuse.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Iv coke down to the local pub, I'm not a big drinker so I won't get drunk... she doesn't say she hates me she says she loves me but there's no concern about going home and making love haha 

Luckily a tenant moved out of one of my property's a few days a go and left it in a good state... so I have somewhere free to kip  winner


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Iv coke down to the local pub, I'm not a big drinker so I won't get drunk... she doesn't say she hates me she says she loves me but there's no concern about going home and making love haha
> 
> Luckily a tenant moved out of one of my property's a few days a go and left it in a good state... so I have somewhere free to kip  winner




You have properties? I must ask since you are young. 

Do you have money, possibly inherited? Because that would reinforce that your wife just wants your sperm and money.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I didn't inherit a penny , I was given 5k by may parents at 18 and told to do with it as i pleased so started a business ... I don't have a huge amount of cash in the bank as I buy more property with it as I can in order to retire at a deniable age, but we live a decent life, not worrying about money or eating out etc. We are not rich but equally not poor 

I certainly don't think anyone would be with me for anything I own or have.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Disagree with this 100%.

Most men - don't get this right where women are concerned. Almost every human wants financial stability. Men and women are alike in this desire. A man who can provide a high level of financial stability is prized. 

Don't confuse this with gold digging - which is a 'condition' that a subset of men and women both suffer from. Your wife isn't a gold digger but she DOES prize your financial stability. And that is a BIG part of why she is with you. 

She has made it obvious that she doesn't crave your companionship or sex. The fact that she immediately went bat **** crazy over the child - says a lot. 

There really isn't a definition of love - even a minimal one - describing how she feels about you.






Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I didn't inherit a penny , I was given 5k by may parents at 18 and told to do with it as i pleased so started a business ... I don't have a huge amount of cash in the bank as I buy more property with it as I can in order to retire at a deniable age, but we live a decent life, not worrying about money or eating out etc. We are not rich but equally not poor
> 
> I certainly don't think anyone would be with me for anything I own or have.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Hmm, maybe your right... she is kknda of obsessed with working to have extra cash so she does prioritise money more than I do that's for sure... I make it or I could lose it... I'm happy either way.

We have a joint bills account but I have no idea what her salary is or how much money she has saved


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Welcome to the forums, I'm sorry there are some struggles you're going through. You'll find a lot of good advice here.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blokeymcblokeface, 

It won't be hard at all for you to find a good woman who enjoys sex with you as much as you do. Most women love sex. Here on TAM, it's easy to get the idea that most women do because people come here with problems.

So here we hear a lot of guys complaining about wives who don't want sex, or who are like your wife.

But you know what, we get a lot of women with similar complaints about their husbands not wanting sex much, having .

Most people like sex. I resurrected a couple of old threads in which the women on TAM talk about their own sexual desire. You might find this interesting.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...en-do-you-like-love-sex-dislike-hate-sex.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/236514-women-whats-your-sex-drive-like.html


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Hmm, maybe your right... she is kknda of obsessed with working to have extra cash so she does prioritise money more than I do that's for sure... I make it or I could lose it... I'm happy either way.
> 
> We have a joint bills account but I have no idea what her salary is or how much money she has saved


What? You have no idea what she earns and how much she has saved?

Does she know what you make and how much you have saved, how much property own, how much you invest, etc?

Doesn't the UK have community property laws?

If your wife gets in debt, are you responsible to pay it off if she does not?


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bloke, go back and read just your first post. That alone was enough for most people to recommend a divorce. And the subsequent posts just added to that message. 

We are not here to demonize your wife. She does appear however to be singularly focused on having children to the exclusion of nearly everything and everyone else, including you. 

You know what you need to do. But you lack the strength to do it. That is ok. That strength is already within you. You just need to bring it to the surface. 

I recommend that you continue with this thread for advice on when and how best to exit the marriage, and not seek advice on if you should leave.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> What? You have no idea what she earns and how much she has saved?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I mean I have a rough idea of her salary from when we purchased our house but as for savings I have no idea.

She does ask about how much a property costs to buy and I am usually quite open with her about it as in have nothing to hide but my wages are dependant on lots of things so she probably doesn't know how much I make day to day but I do keep a small savings pot which she knows about and we use for things.

I'm not sure what community property law is but I'm not responsible for her debt if she had any.

I do know she has no debt which is good


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Are you going home today?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I don't know, I don't really feel like going to be honest although I think she thinks I am, I'm just thinking about getting some work done today instead


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I think the time apart will be useful and just running back the next day is pointless , I think it will be a few days untill I start to think a bit straighter


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I have as it happens as for 16 months she hasn't used any protection and she didn't get pregnant. She's come on now luckily and I have told her no more trying at the moment, so it's going to be interesting to see what happens when the condoms come out
> 
> She said she would want to adopt , *and made some comment about not wanting to be a single mum without me* but it was a while ago and I have forgotten


Strictly speaking she can only be a "single mum" without you, if you were together she wouldn't be single and so she'd be a "mum". But I digress ..............


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Well, tonight I'm going back to talk about everything 

I have degraded her apparently because some semen went on her belly a while a go and I rubbed it and laughed because I thought it was funny!!! So she wants to be 100% certain that will never happen again, makes me cringe hearing it

I have told her I'll go back, talk things through and probably suggest we have a longer trial seperstion where instead of being annoyed with each other try and be mates and cival

I said to her today it would of been nice if she just messaged over the days we have been apart , but I'm asking a bit much


----------



## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I have degraded her apparently because some semen went on her belly a while a go and I rubbed it and laughed because I thought it was funny!!! So she wants to be 100% certain that will never happen again, makes me cringe hearing it


Laughing at her predickament didn't earn you any points.


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Well, tonight I'm going back to talk about everything
> 
> *I have degraded her apparently because some semen went on her belly a while a go and I rubbed it and laughed because I thought it was funny!!! So she wants to be 100% certain that will never happen again, makes me cringe hearing it
> *
> ...


She has problems. Sex can be messy and often is. If she thinks that is degrading then she needs to be speaking to someone for help. It's not like you were giving her a facial and laughing at her, that I could understand.

If she thinks that is messy then God help her when it comes to child birth.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

stixx said:


> Laughing at her predickament didn't earn you any points.




I didn't know she thought it was degrading , it was the first time it had ever happened and I laughed to lighten the mood ... not to make her feel like ****


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

WonkyNinja said:


> She has problems. Sex can be messy and often is. If she thinks that is degrading then she needs to be speaking to someone for help. It's not like you were giving her a facial and laughing at her, that I could understand.
> 
> 
> 
> If she thinks that is messy then God help her when it comes to child birth.




Exactly , I wasn't laughing like look at you with all my stuff on you.... I was excited as I had clearly just 'finished' and I laughed because I was in a playful mood... we were laughing

It was only after she said it was degrading , just thought I should make hat clear


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

WTF, she freaked out over a little cum on the belly???

Dude, she is some kind of messed up. She needs some psychiatric help! I'd recommend starting with a sex therapist...but then...she probably doesn't think she has a problem. You are the one with the problem.

I'm afraid if you stay with this one you have a long road ahead of you. And your **** will probably fall off from lack of use before it gets fixed. 

You might also look into a couple of threads by holdingontoit and Coppertop. That is going to be you after the kids are born.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In other news, UK woman Mrs Blokeymcblokeface is reportedly 'stunned' when she discovers that sex can sometimes be a little messy.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

stixx said:


> Laughing at her predickament didn't earn you any points.


No use crying over spilled semen.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Exactly , I wasn't laughing like look at you with all my stuff on you.... I was excited as I had clearly just 'finished' and I laughed because I was in a playful mood... we were laughing
> 
> It was only after she said it was degrading , just thought I should make hat clear


She wants every drop inside her to increase her chances of getting pregnant. That is all.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> She wants every drop inside her to increase her chances of getting pregnant. That is all.




That's what it comes down too... so I'm
Moving out for the time being and we are going to try maybe a few dates and message about during the days and see what happens

I thought after the reaction and how I have made her disgusted her from semen on the belly you lot were going to slate me for Doing it, I should respect her more and not do it if she didn't like it but I don't see it as abnormal as she does...


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

What good is going on dates with her going to do?

You are prolonging things and time is ticking away.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Are you hoping that a little time away will change her?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Maybe.... I don't know ... I think I'm still confused 

I asked her yesterday if she had ever spoke to her mates or anyone about sex to validate why she thinks I am asking too much sexually and she said no 

Just found that interesting 

I was going to add something to this but I'm di tired I have forgotten ... anyway I'm staying at my parents now ... there is a big family night away with her side this weekend I am attending with her just so as not to cause upset to her parents as it's a big anniversary


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Well I went to London with her, we did share one kiss and then I have stayed home untill today but we haven't been physical or anything I don't think we have kissed at all actually ... sooo, I'll be going again for good I reckon tomorrow


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blokey, you are both so young, these should be the best days of your lives sexually!

1. how was she before you got married? Did you have sex or was it the same?
2. You are a perfectly young healthy male who wants to be intimate with his young wife, nothing wrong at all
3. Your wife sounds really conservative, and things sex is an ugly process, she definitely has some problems. Was she brought up in a strict religious family or school or maybe she's a victim of CSA?

4. You need to take a break after sitting her down and telling her your needs. I would suggest she read His Needs Her Needs to see the needs of a healthy man in a marriage.
5. When you say sexual fantasies, I am wondering have you scared her by forcing her to do anything? You can be open here.
6. On the face of it , the other posters are right, you are not compatible, but is she has a problems due to issues in her past, maybe it is something that can be got past

Dont let her manipulate you into having kids, you need to resolve the intimacy issues first.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

aine said:


> Blokey, you are both so young, these should be the best days of your lives sexually!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Hi

I have asked her if she has any issues in he past and I have dug as deep as I can but there is no evidence of anything bad happening to her in her life. Her mother, father and sisters are all very open and not conservative and at all so she is very much the black sheep of
The family in that sense.

I feel I can be honest but the only thing I ever suggested in terms of fantasy is that I like it when she wears heels to go out and I would like it if she was the wear them in the bedroom and I also said how much I desire oral sex, she did try and has tried oral on me a few times more recently but she doesn't enjoy it or want to be doing it which makes me feel awful for suggesting it


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Does she even love you? At this point, I'd expect she'd be heartbroken over the prospect of permanently losing you. She'd either up her game or be open to some counseling. Seems like she just wants a certain lifestyle and a baby, and it doesn't really matter where that comes from.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I'm 100% certain she loves me, well, I think she does in her own way

She does seem a bit stressed or anxious but knows exactly the issues in no uncertain terms 

I'm trying to be as nice as I can even though my frustrations are clear to see but she insists it's me thatmust change, she will
Not speak to any one about it... not even family 

I think she would be heartbroken but she does say often if it ends it's my choice , it's my decision and she doesn't want anything to change


Without sounding awful, she's got such a fantastic body !!!! And with my high drive I just really want to push her on gone bed and kiss her as I have wanted to for years ..... so it's certainly not lack of attractiveness


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

She has said she's isn't emotionally ready for sex as she's too upset over the prospect of losing me ... so it's just a catch 22 hahaha oh Jesus


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Is she ever emotionally ready for sex???

I would think if she really wanted you, she would be trying to love and sex bomb you back into the relationship.

The fact she isn't says a lot.


----------



## Despairing (Apr 18, 2017)

Hi there,

I'm probably not the right person to be replying (going through issues of my own) but have you tried meeting her half way? If she likes cuddling/spooning then as you're doing that let her know "I'm going to kiss your neck" etc before you do it. She might just be one of those people who needs to be warned before you touch her?

Then maybe she'd relax into it a lot more? Also, does she realise that she can't have a child with you unless she opens up sexually a bit more?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

My problem is thiigh, even if I warn her I have urges to touch her lower than her clit and she won't allow that, I want to give her oral and she won't entertain it

I have urges and unfortunately my stupid urges have broken up
My marriage, it's probably just sadness for losing it speaking but maybe I should of just given in and accepted regular sex in the same routine


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

She will never try and sex bomb me. Ack into the relationship, however as shallow as it sounds if she went out, got some nice underwear and invited me back purely for sex id go... we would make love and if that carried on I'd go back... look forward to a know holiday together of sex was involved and probably a life together... but I feel so shallow and **** saying that!!! It's just sex, in throwing it all
Away over sex


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> She will never try and sex bomb me... It's just sex, in throwing it all
> Away over sex


That's pretty awful, isn't it? She loves you, ostensibly would do anything to keep you. EXCEPT sex. EXCEPT the thing that all other wives do to have intimacy with their husbands.

And that's the key word--intimacy. It's not "just sex." It's that your love language is physical intimacy, touch. She cannot speak that language and is _not even willing to try_ for your sake.

I wish her luck in her next relationship. She's going to need a lot of it.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

She is a lovely lovely person and wouldn't hurt a soul, and it's all
My issues , she keeps telling me all this is on my terms.. in the one ending it... 

She wants me forever so I said why didn't we have sex on that weekend away last weekend in the fancy hotel we booked?? I know she wasn't emotionally ready but we have had regular sex for 9 years... what am I going to do to her? I held her hand all night and kissed her in the bars , brought her dinner and her drinks, paid for the musical.... talked to her on the train all the way there... I'm just so lost and confused I'm at that stage where I'm afraid I'll just go back and then a year later crave sex again in the way I want it


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Get a sex therapist - maybe you go and see one alone to start off with, that might help.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I'm looking into this as I type it


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Well Iv been gone almost 3 weeks now.... still feeling a bit lost and unsure but she's determined she can't change and we have Barely spoken


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Is she getting psychiatric help for her unhealthy thinking about sex in marriage? Her saying that breasts are for babies is just plain crazy. They are for babies, and for her and your enjoyment. 

Let me preface what I'm about to say by telling you that I believe in the Bible. Even in the Bible (in the book "The Song of Solomon") the wife's husband talks about breasts a lot, in figurative language. Does your wife believe in the Bible? If she does, the two of you could sit down and read the Song of Solomon together. It is pretty hot and might get her mind wandering, once she realizes she has permission to enjoy herself, your body, and to allow you to enjoy her body.


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

IMFarAboveRubies said:


> I she getting psychiatric help for her unhealthy thinking about sex in marriage? Her saying that breasts are for babies is just plain crazy. *They are for babies, and for her husband's enjoyment. *
> 
> Let me preface what I'm about to say by telling you that I believe in the Bible. Even in the Bible (in the book "The Song of Solomon") the wife's husband talks about breasts a lot, in figurative language. Does your wife believe in the Bible? If she does, the two of you could sit down and read the Song of Solomon together. It is pretty hot and might get her mind wandering, once she realizes she has permission to enjoy herself, your body, and to allow you to enjoy her body.


Sex isn't for the husbands enjoyment, it's supposed to be for the couples enjoyment together.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

WonkyNinja said:


> Sex isn't for the husbands enjoyment, it's supposed to be for the couples enjoyment together.


Agreed. Fixed post above.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

No , up untill last night she was convinced still they were all my issues and I would change. I made it 100% clear that I wouldn't and she needs to seek help which she won't. 

I had a bit of s cry to my friends wife who already knew about my
Wife's strange attitude to sex, apparently a few years ago when we all went out quad biking my friend and his wife had sex in the changing room and my friends wife told mine. My wife told he she didn't know how she could do such a thing and that's when she realised I wasn't getting much

I feel quite lonely living alone here at my parents as they are on holiday, however , she is on nights so I would feel the same either way

Interestingly enough my friends wife told her if she didn't change her nights she would lose me and her response was that she enjoys them

On the upshot I feel a little bit more positive about life in general and have got back in an aircraft and flown again with a view to purchase my own again, so I must be doing better than I was somehow


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Interestingly enough my friends wife told her if she didn't change her nights she would lose me and her response was that she enjoys them


Indeed. That would be all the information I needed as to how high I stood in her list of priorities. 



Blokeymcblokeface said:


> On the upshot I feel a little bit more positive about life in general and have got back in an aircraft and flown again with a view to purchase my own again, so I must be doing better than I was somehow


:smthumbup:


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Holding hands, hugs, spooning in bed she loves... as long as I don't touch her breasts or anywhere else without prior warning .. it can't be spur of the moment and she isn't really ever excited for it
> 
> If I touch her leg for example or even go as far as to stroke her thigh if we are in the car she will just lift my hand away and the same if we are on the sofa
> 
> ...




You have a normal sex drive, what you are asking for is NOT by any means unacceptable. These are normal desires and ways to express love for each other. Sex is a love language in its own right. It's really important to have these sensual passionate moment, for fun but also intimacy. You shouldn't be looking back on yourself as the bad guy, it's doesn't make her the bad one either, just not sexual compatible. This should definitely not be ignored. You are both young and could well indeed have your soul mates just around the corner.
She sounds like an awesome friend for sure, partner for you, I'm not so sure and Vice versa.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I read that just st the right time, after a big bust up and telling her it's divorce and sell the house time..... 

Just felt lonely and remembering the good times etc


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I read that just st the right time, after a big bust up and telling her it's divorce and sell the house time.....
> 
> Just felt lonely and remembering the good times etc




How are you, how are things ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I feel awful to be honest, I'm tired!!! And cycling between thinking it's the right thing then thinking it's the wrong thing.... it's so hard I don't know how long it takes to heal


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There is definitely a mental health issue here.


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I feel awful to be honest, I'm tired!!! And cycling between thinking it's the right thing then thinking it's the wrong thing.... it's so hard I don't know how long it takes to heal




Take time, no ones set a time limit. You need a process space, so does she. It would always be hard I think as their is a clear friendship, no one wants to hurt friends, specially close ones. It might be that she does some soul searching herself and realises that this is a huge issue she might want to get sorted, either for her to move on with or a way of moving forward together with. So so early, it's so exhausting, I understand that immensely, but dont rush or spend days trying to have all the answers immediately. Surround yourself with rational people.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> There is definitely a mental health issue here.




From me?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I have spent today with my mate fitting new brakes on his car for him and then some other friends have asked me over for a BBQ... I think it's a case of keeping busy and with people 

I hadn't thought about me having a mental health issue 

She has had a mate staying over at my house for a few days so it's no wonder she doesn't miss me, she is also out of a relationship and I think there's a bit of a ' we hate men' club going on as she seems to be getting influenced from somewhere


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > There is definitely a mental health issue here.
> ...


I'm pretty sure MattMatt meant your wife, but he can clarify.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I feel like it's me with the issue, I went round and no one was there and I'm not an angry person one bit and never have been and just randomly smashed a picture montage I made up of us both on honeymoon


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I'm losing the plot


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> From me?


Not you. No.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I'm seriously struggling to cope


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I want her so bad but she just doesn't want me


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

She's moved her mate in


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Living all happily ever after, taking her out to events me and her were meant to go to


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

How do I cope with it all?


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She moved a man in? And she's going out to events with him, is that what you are saying?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

No it's a girl


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I have spent today with my mate fitting new brakes on his car for him and then some other friends have asked me over for a BBQ... I think it's a case of keeping busy and with people
> 
> I hadn't thought about me having a mental health issue
> 
> She has had a mate staying over at my house for a few days so it's no wonder she doesn't miss me, she is also out of a relationship and I think there's a bit of a ' we hate men' club going on as she seems to be getting influenced from somewhere




You don't have a mental health issue.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> How do I cope with it all?




A day at a time, remember why you originally posted? Remember those issues, have you forgotten so soon? It's going to feel really odd, because everything that was normal and habit as just been turned upside down. If this is going to be a season of just time apart for space, use the time productively. All those things you couldn't do, do. Find yourself again. She was attracted to that man in the beginning,so when you do see her you have things to talk about, things you've done. 
If you feel that after a time separation is likely, still do these things but set longer time goals, it will for sure take time to get used to a newer way of living, but each positive will make you stronger.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I feel much calmer today, possibly lack of
Sleep
Ha!!

But I have emptied stuff out the house, booked to meet a divorce solicitor on Friday and for the house to be sold and it's up to her if she wants to buy me out then

I remember the good times but also find it strange how she's just replaced me with a mate , but that's all she wanted any way so hey ho

One day I'll find a woman who wants to want me as much as I want them and wants to share flying etc with me


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

The last two nights I have got up and gone round the house to try and talk, tonight I'm not doing that... I'm haveing an early night as the nights seem to be the hardest part and staying asleep


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Could she be a closet lesbian?


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Your not the first person to ask that today, my house isn't normally all that tidy but it's spotless, there's loads of treats in the house like sweets and biscuits and special soya milk and butter In the fridge 

It's weird, you wouldn't do all that for a mate ... she's only known her a few weeks but she's seeing her every day

The other girl has recently left her fella and it seems like a 'we hate men' club


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> I feel much calmer today, possibly lack of
> Sleep
> Ha!!
> 
> ...




Yes, for sure you will. Glad things are more positive, have a few lads night out. In time you'll probably be grey friends, but happy at that. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

I did last week actually, it was good fun

I have deleted her number to stop me trying to message all the time

I have told her I will only reply to her now so ok hoping that helps me


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Sorry to revive an old thread... just thought perhaps an update was in order


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Sorry to revive an old thread... just thought perhaps an update was in order


An update _is_ in order. Lay it on us.


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

So I left, had a hard time for a while but got over things in my own way 

My wife and I tried a councillor , which didn't go well 

I never spent another night in the marital home after I left and she didn't feel comfy with me around 

Randomly I met a girl, who hadn't been married but had a separation at around a similar time to me so we said we would date and see if we could become mates first as that's what we agreed was missing from our previously relationships.

Thighs are going really well, we have a great sex life, we seem to enjoy each other's company and we spend a lot of time together. 

So was it worth the pain? Yes! 

The divorce is going through, we are arguing over the house but things are looking up


----------



## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> So I left, had a hard time for a while but got over things in my own way
> 
> My wife and I tried a councillor , which didn't go well
> 
> ...


Best typo, ever! :grin2:


----------



## Blokeymcblokeface (Mar 26, 2017)

Great thighs too... and arse


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blokeymcblokeface said:


> Hi
> 
> I hope your all well, I'm a 29 year old guy from the uk. I'd like to introduce myself and point out in not here to moan, i just have lots of stuff I need to say and don't really have anywhere to voice it.
> 
> ...



i think you have to talk with her of your dreams for you both as a couple. Lead the way, why must she plan holidays? You go ahead and plan, whisk her off her feet, be her man and lead.


----------



## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

aine said:


> i think you have to talk with her of your dreams for you both as a couple. Lead the way, why must she plan holidays? You go ahead and plan, whisk her off her feet, be her man and lead.


Might want to read the update, above...


----------

