# my wife has moved out and i'm scared



## kevine (Nov 4, 2008)

my wife has moved out again. this is the 4th time in 5 yrs. we both have our issues, but i still love her and want it to work. she said she is scared if she comes back, it will turn sour again. the same circle, over and over. i have trust issues, can have a temper, try to control things around me. i want to change and make her happy, i'm scared i'm losing her and pushing her away. plus we have 2 kids, which makes all this even harder. i told her i love her over and over. i tell herhow much i miss her. she says she doesn't want guilt to bring her back, which it shouldn't. i truely with all my heart want to be the husband she deserves. How can i prove to her i can change and be what she deserves. i'm lost without her. please help, any advice would be appreciated.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

kevine said:


> How can i prove to her i can change and be what she deserves.


Well, you mentioned you have a temper. i dont know if that's one of the bigger issues in your marriage, but you could go to counseling for it? Counseling would also help your trust issues. Did she cheat on you? Or have you been cheated on? where'd you pick up the trust issues? 

coming on here shows that you are trying to change. for now i would keep what you say to a minimum. Let her know one last time that you are going to start doing things to be a better man and then dont bring up the relationship again until she does. Show her by being happy yourself and not so codependent on her.

is there anything she's doing that pushes you away? are you feeling any resentment towards her?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

kevine said:


> my wife has moved out again. this is the 4th time in 5 yrs. i have trust issues, can have a temper, try to control things around me. i want to change and make her happy, i'm scared i'm losing her and pushing her away. i told her i love her over and over. i tell herhow much i miss her. she says she doesn't want guilt to bring her back, which it shouldn't. i truely with all my heart want to be the husband she deserves. How can i prove to her i can change and be what she deserves. i'm lost without her. please help, any advice would be appreciated.


first question to the dude who says he wants to be what she deserves...i'd ask you "when you gonna start?"


the first 4 times she moved out, did those NOT scare you?

i don't wanna be cold hearted, but you think she DESERVES no trust, a temper, control???

advice would be get with a counselor you TRUST...they can be clergy, a phd, whatever, and find out about your control, temper and trust issues.

find acounselor who specializes in results-based therapy. you may "try" a few approaches, but in the end you'll spend a lot less time "on the couch" and more time on "homework."

good luck, and say a prayer. He listens.


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## kevine (Nov 4, 2008)

i do have a temper, but not a physical temper i guess you'd say. i did catch her cheating on me yrs ago. that's where my trust issues come from. but maybe i drove her to it. i told her i forgave but never really acted like it. i know beyond a shadow of a doubt i want to spend the rest of life with her. how do i get her to come home? our anniversary is this weekend, should i ask her on a date? i want to give her space, but not enough to where she slips away. when i see her i just want to hold her and tell i love her and to come home. all that does is upsets her and makes her feel guilty. i don't want to guilt her home. i might be looking for an impossible answer, i'm scared and don't know what to do next


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

kevine said:


> i do have a temper, but not a physical temper i guess you'd say. i did catch her cheating on me yrs ago. that's where my trust issues come from. but maybe i drove her to it. i told her i forgave but never really acted like it.


understandable as to the trust issues, but you gotta forgive AND forget. that's what time is for.



kevine said:


> i know beyond a shadow of a doubt i want to spend the rest of life with her. how do i get her to come home? our anniversary is this weekend, should i ask her on a date? i want to give her space, but not enough to where she slips away.


if she wants space, give it. it's easier to give space now, while you still have a connection than down the road when you've pushed her away irretrievably.

and the question about a date. yes you should ask her. did you not have one planned. make it the first date of the rest of your lives. date regularly!


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## kevine (Nov 4, 2008)

thanks for the advice. say a prayer for us.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Have you ever gone to counseling for your issues? The need to control your surroundings is likely linked to insecurities. I think that's where you need to focus your attention...in order to be the man she wants it will need to start with you feeling good about the man you are on your own. No matter what she decides (and by all the bouncing back and forth in this marriage it sounds as though she really wants to be with you but not the controlling part of you) you will be a better person for it and feel at peace with yourself.


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