# The wife's night out at the concert...



## jrockb79 (Dec 30, 2018)

So the wife went to a big outdoor concert with her sister, brother in law, his mother, sister and niece. They all rode together So after 45 minutes at the concert grounds the wife runs into a guy who's a friend of a friend of a friend and never said more than 5 words to ever. She goes on to invite him to their section and from then on out for the rest of the night they hung out like date time. Off the 2 of them and she pretty much ditched the people she went with. Her sister actually said something to her when she went said hello to her real quick...want me to get rid of him Sis?!? So they hung out together in their own space all concert long. The guy got the impression it was ok to start touching! When I quizzed her she left a lot out fibbing a bit and not telling any specifics. Was that ok or not for her to do? Thoughts? ?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Not ok. Snuff it out.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Sounds like the flirting hit some gray areas, but a little hard to tell with the details provided. How awkward was the car ride home for your wife and the rest of her group? That could be a gauge as to how far the flirting/touching went.

To be honest, I'd be less concerned about what happened when your wife was out with a group, and more concerned about whether there are any recent text messages from a new contact appearing on your wife's phone meant to be viewed in more discreet settings...


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP If you could provide us more information so that we could provide you better information. For instance how did Learn Cheating.? Did she come home and confess to you or did you hear it from someone else.?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

How old are you? How long have you been married? There is more to this. No one just suddenly ditches family for someone that random. Either this is in your wife's MO or this guy has been around for a while and they have been leading up to this. It's just gotten so far that now she is willing to meet up at a concert on the sly. 

If it's not that then your wife has very poor boundaries and you have not been paying attention. Does she often go out without you? 

A good rule of thumb is if someone's behavior just suddenly changes on a dime like this they are either sick, or they have hid that behavior and this is the first time you have seen it. But it's always been there.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Tell her you need a poly because you want to know whether or not you need to defend her honor by speaking to the guy about his touching her. 

Don't let her talk herself out of this--she lied (not fibbed) to you! My opinion, married women don't date but it sounds like this was dating behavior? Were you invited to the concert? How would she feel if you get handsy with the date you are going to take somewhere next week?


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

We have seen these type of actions lead to a full fledged affair and divorce.

You better get on this quick. It is particularly disturbing that she did it in front of family.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

NOT OK. Anything that one's spouse does not expressly approve of is not OK.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to TAM. We need WAY more information to be able to help you at all.

Please answer all the questions asked above me and provide us with a lot more history on the two of you and how your marriage is. I will add a few additional questions.

*Without more info, I don’t believe we can accurately respond to you. *

Has she been acting odd in general?
Is her personality a flirty one usually?
Was she drinking or smoking pot during the concert?
How exactly did you find out what you know?
Who told you?
What all specifically were you told?
What did you then ask her?
What was her exact reply to your questions?
What “touching” happened? (There is a big difference between a shoulder bump after a funny statement, and a boob fondle).


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

jrockb79 said:


> So the wife went to a big outdoor concert with her sister, brother in law, his mother, sister and niece. They all rode together So after 45 minutes at the concert grounds the wife runs into a guy who's a friend of a friend of a friend and never said more than 5 words to ever. She goes on to invite him to their section and from then on out for the rest of the night they hung out like date time. Off the 2 of them and she pretty much ditched the people she went with. Her sister actually said something to her when she went said hello to her real quick...want me to get rid of him Sis?!? So they hung out together in their own space all concert long. The guy got the impression it was ok to start touching! When I quizzed her she left a lot out fibbing a bit and not telling any specifics. Was that ok or not for her to do? Thoughts? ?


Like @Spicy said, we do need more info...

However, isn't is funny that as soon as you are not there, the she manages to "Meet up" with someone? 

Gee, that just seems odd. And she openly flirts with someone in front of HER family? Wow, how much more of a sign do you need to understand that she has NO respect for you? 

You need to read the standard evidence post, and start gathering information... 

It is going to work out that 1) she has been cheating a while with who knows who? 2) She is cheating with this guy, and it was no accident...

That is what you are going to find out, or that is what the odds say...


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

jrockb79 said:


> So the wife went to a big outdoor concert with her sister, brother in law, his mother, sister and niece. They all rode together So after 45 minutes at the concert grounds the wife runs into a guy who's a friend of a friend of a friend and never said more than 5 words to ever. She goes on to invite him to their section and from then on out for the rest of the night they hung out like date time. Off the 2 of them and she pretty much ditched the people she went with. Her sister actually said something to her when she went said hello to her real quick...want me to get rid of him Sis?!? So they hung out together in their own space all concert long. The guy got the impression it was ok to start touching! When I quizzed her she left a lot out fibbing a bit and not telling any specifics. Was that ok or not for her to do? Thoughts? ?


Why would you ask if it is ok for your wife to lie straight to your face and evade your questions about a man who spent an evening at a concert 'caressing' your wife?


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

No this is not ok. Even her family knows this and 
offered to get rid of the guy. She knows this is not 
ok also. That is why she lied not fibbed to you about it.
Strange how she goes to a concert which was planned 
out prior, and then suddenly meets up with some guy. 
Did she know he was going to be there ? Why did she 
think it was ok to do this in front of her family ?
How does she know this guy and for how long ?

In my viewpoint you do not suddenly meet up
with what is basically someone you barely know 
and then do this. Then lie to your husband about it.
There is more going on than she says. Maybe she likes
this guy and wanted to spend more time with him alone.
How does she really know this guy ? Do they work together ?
She did this in front of her family just like it was nothing to her.
She had to have known you would find out, and her family would 
say something. Get on this situation quickly and be very vigilant 
in where she goes and gather any information you can. This may 
or may not be the start of something else.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

When you gather information do it quietly, and do not confront 
her until you have enough. Do not tell her how you got the information
just that you know what is going on. She has lied to you and will continue
to do so. Even when confronted with proof. Do not confront the guy either.
He knows your wife is married but so does she. She probably is trying to cover
things up now. Telling her family lies and asking them not to say more to you.
Probably has told the guy you know about this also. She knows this was and is
wrong, that is why she is telling you partial truths. She may even try and make 
you think you are over reacting and imagining things. Your not !! She is 100 %
wrong, not you. 

Keep us updated and we will try and help you find the truth.
Many people here have been through similar things.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Once upon a time I would have given my wife the benefit of the doubt and not do anything to upset the marriage without concrete evidence of an affair. I'm past that now and don't want to be with someone that I don't trust. How about you? Do you need concrete proof to take action? Do you feel like you have to lay down rules of what is/isn't acceptable in a relationship and are you OK with having to do that for something that is obviously poor behavior on her part? What you want and what you are willing to tolerate should be far more important to you now than whether some internet strangers think her behavior was OK or not. I'd personally toss her out of the house if she were my wife...but her knowing that ahead of time would probably have prevented the behavior from ever happening.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She had a date night out with another man and you're wondering if it's ok? Really?

Maybe it was planned? He just happened to be there alone at a concert and they miraculously bumped into one another and spent the evening together? Red flags all over. 

The worst thing is you don't get it.

Go online and check your phone bill. This doesn't smell right.

Disturbingly she seemed to have no problem doing this which leads me to ask are you the passive sort that expects no marital boundaries? 

If you are you will get walked all over.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jrockb79 said:


> So the wife went to a big outdoor concert with her sister, brother in law, his mother, sister and niece. They all rode together So after 45 minutes at the concert grounds the wife runs into a guy who's a friend of a friend of a friend and never said more than 5 words to ever. She goes on to invite him to their section and from then on out for the rest of the night they hung out like date time. Off the 2 of them and she pretty much ditched the people she went with. Her sister actually said something to her when she went said hello to her real quick...want me to get rid of him Sis?!? So they hung out together in their own space all concert long. The guy got the impression it was ok to start touching! When I quizzed her she left a lot out fibbing a bit and not telling any specifics. Was that ok or not for her to do? Thoughts? ?


How did you find out?


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