# Weight?



## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

So I'm just curious when it comes to everyone's spouses and their own weight. Since my H and I have been married my weight has fluctuated and so has his. He's 6'4 and weighs maybe 170. He's skinny but super hot! When we started dating I weighed around 125, went down to 108 at the wedding, 128 when I got pregnant, now I'm consistently at 120 (started working out again as I HATE my figure now). I'm only 5'1, so I'm actually at the higher end for my weight. I prefer between 110 and 115 and my H agrees I look the best there. Coming from a past where I had some issues with eating, even though I'm healthy now, I still have lingering issues as to what really looks good. My H has even said that the only way he wouldn't want sex from me anymore is if I gained weight. SO my question for everyone is, how much does your spouses weight, or your own, affect your sex life? Did they gain so much that you no longer are attracted? Did you gain so much they aren't attracted to you? Who just deals with it and does it anyway?


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

If my spouse said "the only way we don't have sex is if you get too fat"..well I'D TRY TO LOSE IT THEN LOSE HER.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I'm 6'1" and I weigh in at 210, the wife is about 5'8" and weighs about 115 normally . For the past 15 years or so I've stayed right at the same weight (my heaviest was when I got a knee injury and I got up to 220). She's pregnant with our 4th right now so she's probably closer to 128 or so now. But honestly I've always thought she was breathtakingly beautiful with the baby bump.  When we first started dating she was even thinner right around 105 (too thin I thought) and she was mildly bulimic. I caught her a few times throwing up after eating. We worked it out together and she put on healthy weight and got up to where she is now. I do still watch her though after meals, but so far I haven't seen any repeats.

We both work out around 6 days a week to keep ourselves fit for both each other and our health. We have taught our children the healthy lifestyle as well and all 3 of our boys are exactly at a healthy weight. We still have sugar cokes, cookies, chips, etc at the house. But we all stay very active and don't overeat. We have found the issue is not normally the food, but the AMOUNT of it you eat and a sedentary lifestyle that promotes obesity. 

I wouldn't leave her if she got fat, but I would work with her to get the weight down. I know she would do the same if I went that way as well.


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## hurtwife (May 21, 2010)

I dont understand your weight terms. I talk in kilo's. But I wouldnt lose weight for a guy if he said that. Infact, my H told me that I was fat and that gave me huge emotional issues to the point where I actually ate more. 

I guess it depends on you and if you want to lose or gain for him


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## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

My wife's weight in no way effects my sexual desire for her, as I love her unconditionally. She could gain weight, lose qualities that were there when we met, etc, and I would still love and desire her. Because of that I feel I can say I truly lover her unconditionally.

She currently is the same weight she was when we met (size 12). Prior to us meeting she was as small as a size 4. Her goal right now is a size 8. She says she feels disgusting at times and I know it really stresses her out, though not enough to do anything about it yet. I am not oblivious to the fact that this very well could effect or sex life, just not from my level of desire.

As for my weight, I am 6'3" 227. When we met I was 245 and got down to 220 at the time of our marriage. If I ask her she says I am good looking, but she has never been one to really initiate flirting to tell me I look good, and never compliments me.


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## Longtime Husband (Dec 14, 2009)

There have been times in my 21 years of marriage where my wife's weight problems have been a huge turnoff for me sexually. And to be fair, I am not the thinnest guy in the world (currently 6'3" & 225lbs). But for me the issue of unattractiveness stems from the fact that she has a tendency to gain weight quite easily AND is a creature driven very much by comfort, thus she really cannot be bothered to exercise and take care of herself physically. And I, while somewhat weight challenged myself, am very much a "gym rat" & a bit of a fitness nut. My 225 lbs is made up of quite a bit of muscle mass.

I don't consider myself vain at all but when I am hard wired to constantly be putting in effort to physically take care of myself (I workout 5-6 mornings per week at the gym for an hour or so each time PLUS cycle 60-100 miles per week in the evenings). And a significant part of my my motivation is to look decent for my wife. And then she struggles with her weight largely because she is pretty much a couch potato, it has a tendency to be a very big sexual turnoff to me. 

So for me, weight is not an issue all by itself. Effort (or lack thereof) is a big part of this equation.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I'm curvy, not chunky, just voluptous. I'm 5ft5 and I go between a size 8 to a 10. Right now, I'm at a 10. I've had two kids, am 36 and most think I am about 12 years younger than I am. In my late teens, early 20's I was so skinny, most people thought I had an eating disorder. I hated it. I had no figure to speak of, no boobs, and I don't think I looked at all healthy. My H thinks I am beautiful, loves my body, and could care less if having babies changed my body at all. I've been exercising more, to be healthy, but not to meet someone else's standard. My H is 6 ft 1 and about 195...he goes from 190-200 on average. I could care less if he has a few more pounds. That being said, we are both concerned with being healthy, which means we are watching what we eat and exercising more, as a family. My desire for him is not based on a number, nor is his for me.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This question has been kicked around in many forms. 

And yes, there are lots of perspectives.

I am a fit 45. Simply for me, it is a self-respect issue. If you let yourself go after you are settled in to your relationship, the message I get is that you don't have much respect for yourself and little respect for me.

I've heard all of the possible issues and excuses that account for why gaining between 30 and 50 pounds can't be avoided - and I simply don't buy most of them.

I'll be clear ... I'm not talking about someone who puts on a few pounds. I'm talking about someone who goes from in-shape and healthy, to obese. 

In my case, I find a very specific body type extremely attractive. I have certainly dated outside of my 'type' in the past, but it doesn't elicit the same spark.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i am the size of an football offensive lineman (cause i was) and i always have been. wife has gained some weight (maybe 30 pounds) over the past 15 years. it hasnt dampened my desire for her at all.


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

Thanks for all of your input. It does help to hear what everyone else thinks because in my case, the negative about my weight is always there. My husband tells me he thinks I'm sexy and I do appreciate that, but hearing it and believing it are different. I agree with the many common points about effort and not numbers. I think when you stop trying for your spouse it's a bad sign. I work on how I look because I want him to be happy and exercising and getting dressed everyday from hair to makeup and clothes that are flattering make a big difference on my own perceptions. I do think about his comment about not having sex if I gained weight and it does scare me, but I figure with how I am I doubt I'll get to that point. At least I hope not!


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## Equity (May 29, 2010)

I put on what I consider to be an unhealthy amount of weight over the last five out of seven years. I am lucky to be proportionate and also have a lot of muscle mass for a woman from years of working out but I am still visibly chubby and the largest I've been in my life. Still though, when it comes to a level of attraction displayed by him I haven't noticed a difference. He likes women regardless of weight, height or race, if he finds them beautiful, he finds them beautiful. 

With that said, my weight gain has affected our sex life but it is because of me. I know he finds me beautiful and not to be vain, I know I am but I am not as bold in bed as I was before. He has changed too since we met. When we first got together he worked a lot of labour intensive jobs just to make ends meet. Now that he doesn't work such physical jobs a lot of that bulk is gone but he is still just as attractive physically in my book.


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

When I met my wife she was a size 6. After our first child it was an 8-10. After our second child it went up to size 12. Now after 3 kids she has/had lost all of that down to a size 4/6. She has recently put a little on and is now 6 barely and any more might push her to an 8. 

One thing has never changed. I've always loved her. I've always desired her. I've always thought she was beautiful, and always been sexually amorous with her.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Does seem to be a variety of opinions with the weight thing. Personally, at one point I was about 85 lbs heavier than when I got married. Definitely caused problems. I've lost about 30lbs of that but still got more to go.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I was very near to my ideal weight, but had a bad cold and did not exercise for nearly a month, so I've put on a little. Having said that, it's coming off already!

For me exercise has a huge effect. I was cycling 3 miles a day 5 days a week due to university, but lectures have finished now, so I am having to do more weights/jogging to plug the gap.

I have found I can eat more or less what I want as long as I exercise. For me, I think it's more about getting my metabolic rate up rather than the few extra calories I burn from my exercise - I can literally do a little as 10 mins of bar-bell work a day, yet it keeps me trim.

I am trying to get back to my 18 y/o V shaped torso in stages, rather than in 3 weeks, as I want to stay there for ever. I might put up a pic of me at some point - if porn is allowed on TAM


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband has discussed this issue a few times. He has said he will always love me (if I gained) but he would loose "Desire" for me & would struggle sexually. 
As one poster put it >> "Love is unconditional, Desire is NOT". We both agree with this. But I can also see how one would not feel loved if the desire was gone. A very difficult struggle for many married couples I am sure. 


I am just happy to know how he feels, it does not bother me personally because I feel the same way, I also would loose attraction if he gained too much. 

Maybe it makes us shallow but the attraction factor is a big deal to both of us.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

2Daughters said:


> If my spouse said "the only way we don't have sex is if you get too fat"..well I'D TRY TO LOSE IT THEN LOSE HER.


:iagree:

I love that comment... my husband is a weight guy... meaing he loses desire in me when I gain weight stating "I cant help it" bc of 5 pregnancies and miscarriages and driving hours on end commuting my 2 kids to school. That being said, he still turned to porn with skinny brunettes for a while when I had gained 5-10 pounds. Its narcissitic to not love your partner in that way because you gained weight and no longer fit their vision of beauty anymore, but it does happen alot that men and women have their biases/opinions etc. Truly loving is when you dont even see it, you look at your spoouse and love them and desire them regardless... its called Agape love. 

The only way weight would get in the way of my abiility to have sex (and not my desire to have sex, that wont go away from my husband gaining weight), would be if husband put so much weight on in the belly that my favorite girl on top laying down on him position couldnt work.... and yes, it can happen for those of you who want to argue that a belly wouldnt interefere... my ex had a belly like a pregnant woman and it was impossible... believe me the few times he took viagra and had ability to have intercourse with me.... I tried every which way I could manuever. Girl on top is possible, but not girl on top laying down... the pubic bones cant stay in contact whihc is what provides that friction down there.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Let me re-frame the circumstances.

So ... whether male or female, if you know that your marriage is suffering, and your spouse's interest in you is waning due to your appearance, what do you do?

Do you make it about them and convince yourself that they are shallow, or do you take a serious look at yourself and implement changes?

How are matters of appearance that impact your partner's attraction to you any different than behavioral, emotional issues that have an adverse effect on your relationship?


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## Longtime Husband (Dec 14, 2009)

Deejo said:


> Let me re-frame the circumstances.
> 
> So ... whether male or female, if you know that your marriage is suffering, and your spouse's interest in you is waning due to your appearance, what do you do?
> 
> ...


:iagree: There is the philosophical/idealistic world and there is the real world. Deejo just posted in the real world.


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

Deejo said:


> Let me re-frame the circumstances.
> 
> So ... whether male or female, if you know that your marriage is suffering, and your spouse's interest in you is waning due to your appearance, what do you do?
> 
> ...


Those are perfect questions!! For me, I would do anything at all to make my spouse happy in my appearance. Example, I love my hair short, he loves it long. It hasn't been shorter than mid-back since the day we met. I even ask him about make up! Nude or hooker red lips today babe?  I just want him to be happy and since I know my own thoughts of my appearance are significantly skewed, I try to listen and take to heart what he says. I know my thoughts aren't right and I have to correct my thinking daily. It's interesting to see everyone's opinions on the matter as most are in agreement but there are some who are not and have admitted to feeling different with weight gain or loss. I wonder the cause in that. Do you also have issues with weight and your own self image?


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

My husband is rock star skinny - 5'10, maybe 110 pounds soaking wet. He had swine flu last year and got even skinnier until he discovered white russians made with whole milk.

I on the other hand am 5'7, 150 pounds. Recently he revealed to me one reason he wants me to gain weight (seriously) is because since he's so skinny, if he has sex with another skinny person, it becomes quite painful, hip bones jabbing into each other and all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bartlet (Jun 1, 2010)

I am very skinny, which my fiancee likes. She is heavier for her size, but only mildly so (not overweight according to most medical standards). I like it, personally, but she doesn't. Although I would probably prefer her to be thinner over thicker, I like her best the way she is now, and I remind her of that whenever I can.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Moviefrontier said:


> remember take 5-10 minutes to do exercise everyday,it's easy to lose your weight


This is absolutely true for many people. It works for me. The secret is consistency.


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