# How long after the bomb drop did your H or W ask for a divorce ?



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hi people.

How long after your spouse took off did they ask for a divorce and actually went through with it ?

Also were they still in the same cold hard frame of mind, like adamant , l am outa here type thing ?


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## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

I'm interested in this too...


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Seems like we're the only one's , pretty surprised actually .


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Mine hinted at a separation in Sep 12 after a failed fake R. We kind of made it through the holidays. Officially separated on 1 Jan 13. By Feb 13, she asked for a divorce. 

It's easy for the one leaving when they made the decision to leave already. One year waiting period in my state. Divorce almost final!!

Life is good. It gets better, folks. It really does.


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## lilfrost (Feb 24, 2014)

Sadly, I asked my husband to leave the house, after his girlfriend called me and told me she was pregnant with his child. I tried to wrap my head around what was going on and even thought about having him bring his girlfriend to live with us. I didn't want to lose him. But it took about 4 months for me to realize that I had lost him a long time ago. That's when I filed for divorce. After that the divorce went quickly and in my state we only have to wait 60 days for finalization.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

helolover said:


> Mine hinted at a separation in Sep 12 after a failed fake R. We kind of made it through the holidays. Officially separated on 1 Jan 13. By Feb 13, she asked for a divorce.
> 
> It's easy for the one leaving when they made the decision to leave already. One year waiting period in my state. Divorce almost final!!
> 
> Life is good. It gets better, folks. It really does.


Thanks helo. You officially ended later than me , mine was 0ct 12. but life is good , how come so soon , mines crap?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

BJJmom said:


> After saying he wanted a divorce a few months ago, but then agreeing to MC & working on things, he dropped divorce on me a week ago Thursday & left the home on Sunday. Divorce papers were filed on Monday. We have to wait a minimum of 92 days in my state for it to be final, & that's if things all go smoothly. Fingers crossed on that one.



Thanks B . So what you've only been sep' a few mths , how long were you married ?


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> Thanks helo. You officially ended later than me , mine was 0ct 12. but life is good , how come so soon , mines crap?


Believe me, there was a lot of struggle. I spent a lot of time on my self-improvement (mentally and physically). That investment is paying off. 

I realized that soulmates are a myth. There are many special someones for us out there.

I realized why I have been attracted to broken women and helping them out by being a White Knight. I've fixed that problem within myself.

I stopped being a "nice guy" and AFC (average frustrated chump). 

I do what I want now.

I am the best father I can be to my kid. 

I have a great career which I've worked hard for.

I've found that practicing gratitude for what I do have and who is in my life has paid dividends.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

It's a two way street.

You file and it forces them to consider what they are losing. Put it in their court and the same thing is true and many times they stall. If there is infidelity involved, they are usually cake-eating keeping you as Plan B.

No time is a good time but it has to happen eventually.

Stretch


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

helolover said:


> Believe me, there was a lot of struggle. I spent a lot of time on my self-improvement (mentally and physically). That investment is paying off.
> 
> I realized that soulmates are a myth. There are many special someones for us out there.
> 
> ...



That's great helo , really nice to hear and all the best for the future.
You know that last line about gratitude ? lt's weird but l too have been feeling like really appreciating any good things l have in my life and especially any good people lately .


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I think it was a month. It took a year for the divorce to be final, once everything was worked out. It was a whirlwind of activity that I still have not been able to understand completely.
> 
> I do think gratitude is a big part of getting to the next chapter in life. I have struggled very much.
> 
> ...



Hey nuf . Takes time mate doesn't it , very very slowly for me too.. l don't think it's healthy for us to expect too much to soon really.
Anyway , l hope you get that talk with her some day . She'll probably wake up one morning and can't be angry anymore.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

whitehawk said:


> Hi people.
> 
> How long after your spouse took off did they ask for a divorce and actually went through with it ?
> 
> Also were they still in the same cold hard frame of mind, like adamant , l am outa here type thing ?


I got an I don't love you and divorce by email 10 days later. We never spoke of a divorce and rarely fought.

Every situation is different. I sure wish I had done what my friends told me. Cancel her cards, lock the accounts, on and on. I got burnt like toast in a fireplace and haven't caught up yet.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

We're moving pretty slowly here. We started taking about how irreparable our issues are last fall. As far as I can tell, we won't be moving out of our place until next fall. Not sure about paperwork...he says he hasn't talked to a lawyer yet, and I am not interested in initiating that. Unless something happens to change my mind, if he wants this, he has to do do it. So slowly, very slowly.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*March 1, 2011- XW asked for a "trial separation" to commence on May 21, 2011 when my son left for summer on a school trip. No reason given ~ I acquiesced because I erroneously thought that she was having "a meltdown."

May 21, 2011- Separation began with me moving to a neighboring city some 25 miles away.

May 30, 2011- XW moves only a portion of my furnishings over to me.

November 9, 2011- XW files for divorce.

May, 2012- Through cell phone records research and other data, I sadly discovered the cold, hard truth about my skanky XW's eff-ing around on me for as long as some 2 years hence, all while we were supposedly "happily married!"

AND DURING ALL OF THIS TIME, I SADLY REALIZED THAT I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE FIRST DAMN CLUE!

So from the date of the "Bomb Drop" all the way to her "Date of Filing" was an acrimonious 253 days!

Now I'm greatly surmising that the only real "meltdown" that my skanky XW was actually having here was a little vaginal leakage that she brought home to me from her BF's hometowns on her many road trips over to see them! All while I was dutifully relegated to staying at home and managing both the household and the farm!*


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

the day she dropped the DDay, I asked for a divorce

she wanted us to stay married, live together, do own thing

not my game....want out......then get out

papers were filed the same month


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

lilfrost said:


> Sadly, I asked my husband to leave the house, after his girlfriend called me and told me she was pregnant with his child. I tried to wrap my head around what was going on and even thought about having him bring his girlfriend to live with us. I didn't want to lose him. But it took about 4 months for me to realize that I had lost him a long time ago. That's when I filed for divorce. After that the divorce went quickly and in my state we only have to wait 60 days for finalization.



Sorry to hear that lil , thanks for talking about it.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

LBHmidwest said:


> I got an I don't love you and divorce by email 10 days later. We never spoke of a divorce and rarely fought.
> 
> Every situation is different. I sure wish I had done what my friends told me. Cancel her cards, lock the accounts, on and on. I got burnt like toast in a fireplace and haven't caught up yet.



Sorry to hear that LB . l really hope it all in some crazy way turns out to be a blessing for us all.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Bothtoonice said:


> We're moving pretty slowly here. We started taking about how irreparable our issues are last fall. As far as I can tell, we won't be moving out of our place until next fall. Not sure about paperwork...he says he hasn't talked to a lawyer yet, and I am not interested in initiating that. Unless something happens to change my mind, if he wants this, he has to do do it. So slowly, very slowly.




Hey Both . Well your a litte better of at least hey , same house , no papers. issues are issues but they aren't everything , everyone has them hey . Fat lady ain't sung yet l guess. 
Good luck with everything .


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> the day she dropped the DDay, I asked for a divorce
> 
> she wanted us to stay married, live together, do own thing
> 
> ...



Wow tough stand Chucko . l should've done that , well l did in a way.
l even disconnected her battery one day so she couldn't go see him while still living under our roof.
Didn't help much , she still moved out but anyway. 
At least we didn't stay living together while she saw someone else. That was her first idea , no thanks !


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *March 1, 2011- XW asked for a "trial separation" to commence on May 21, 2011 when my son left for summer on a school trip. No reason given ~ I acquiesced.
> 
> May 21, 2011- Separation began with me moving to a neighboring city some 25 miles away.
> 
> ...


 But Arb , it's called trust l think . That messed me up to . Like you trust a situation so no you don't have your eyes open you know , we think we can at least relax on that one. lt's not our fault though is it . We should be able to relax on that one don't you think !


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## BrokenAndShattered (Mar 7, 2014)

Told me he was divorcing me on Valentine's Day and filed a little over a week later.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> Wow tough stand Chucko . l should've done that , well l did in a way.
> l even disconnected her battery one day so she couldn't go see him while still living under our roof.
> Didn't help much , she still moved out but anyway.
> At least we didn't stay living together while she saw someone else. That was her first idea , no thanks !


if I recall WH you posted on that thread back in '12


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## jj-page (Sep 23, 2012)

To answer your questions directly, it took 9 months for the divorce to be final 

And her standpoint on divorce was NON-NEGOTIABLE but my story is slightly more complicated!!! Since my divorce has long passed I thought I would share part of it.



*July 27, 2012:* Taken out for dinner and my WS told me _she wanted to separate._ I was shocked and vividly remember that feeling. Like my heart dropped to the ground. I really didn't see it coming. Begged for MC but she said NO. She needed her space. She wanted us to live under the same roof but separately (bank accounts, food, etc). I asked her if she was having an affair and told me, "No, she was not as she is working all the time, how would she have the time!!!". 

*Aug 1-12:* For the next few weeks she had her ups and downs with me. I can recall bumping into her while she was walking in the morning and she looked at me like she wanted me dead. Then she would switch over to be sort of nice. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. We had a son together and begged her to think about what she is doing and how it’s going to affect him. She told me, “He will be alright” and she said that we would have 50/50 custody. 

*Aug 13, 2012:* Got the phrase, "I love you but I am not in love with you" and then she broke the news that _she was filing for divorce._ She said it was unbearable to live with me (that turned out to be all BS). I was blamed for everything. Again, I begged her for MC but she told me that I need the therapist. I asked her if she was interested in another man and replied with, "You are so damn controlling and do not trust me, and that is why I want this divorce". She wanted the divorce to be done in 60 days and wanted to work with me in order to accomplish it. She also added her divorce decision was, “NON NEGOTIABLE”. My intuition was going off the chart and things just did not compute. She told me that I need to move out or she would fight for possession of the house and all the furnishings. I actually thought of moving out but reading articles on the Internet, they state you should never move out if she initiates the divorce. 

*Aug 17 –* She did a 180-degree turn. She felt she was being unfair and didn’t need the house so she was going to move out. I didn’t know it at the time but she was manipulating me and the reason she changed her mind was she had no choice as time was running out. 

*Aug 18-19:* Listen to one of those closed door conversations and discovered she was in contact with her High School boyfriend from 30 years ago. I was so emotional but at the same time relieved because my intuition was right. Her AP was living in another country. I then discovered a plethora of evidence (emails, videos, pictures and it was more than I could digest!!!). BTW, thank you intuition and obtaining that evidence was done legally. His marriage was in the crapper and cheated on his wife 10 years previous and not working for 6 years. He was a heavy drinker and was in depression. Found out he contacted my WS in May 2012. They were emailing each other and only took one month when he was bold enough to test the waters with my WS and send his High School fantasy to her in a separate email, which was straight from the book Fifty Shades of Grey. This soon led to both of them wanted to rekindle their love. The AP did get cold feet but my WS reassured him that they were doing the right thing and not to live with regrets for another 30 years. They both designed a very well thought out exit strategy to end their marriages so they could be together. It was done very deceptively but carefully. The AP told his wife that he wanted a divorce and was a complete shock to her as well. She bought up a one-way ticket to finally see his truelove since he was never happy. So he packed up everything and left his wife and children to be with my WS. 



*Aug 20 –*He arrived in the U.S where they spend two weeks at a cheap hotel. I took care of our son trying to help him through this. I hired a PI to track them, and then got a lawyer.

*Sept 1 *– She returned to pack most things (left much behind). She moved into her new apartment and he was living next door to her. (She set him up with the apartment). The OM’s wife was paying for his living expenses as part of their divorce settlement. That day I confronted my WS about her AP. The first thing she said was, “He contacted me first!!!!” She was very concerned on how much I knew but I would not reveal anything. 

*Sept 3 – *My WS was served with papers and I counter filed for adultery. She went batty on me. She got a lawyer and the battle began albeit very slowly. She begged me for the divorce so, “She could finally be happy” but I didn’t trust her anymore. Shortly after my lawyer arranged a Temporary Orders hearing at the court and my WS was panicking. I was very concern about my son and now he was living next door to her AP. My WS even introduced them. 

*Nov 2013:* Her AP’s divorce was final he started binge drinking again. He was not happy that our divorce was taking so long.

*Dec 2013:* My WS relentlessly would call me and harass me. She just wanted to move on and be happy. At the same time I was trying to support my son and move on with my life slowly. 

*Jan 2013:* Her AP had to leave the country due to an expired visa. He went into deep depression started to drink again. My WS dumped him and he threatened to take his life because of her. My WS called me out of the blue and asked for me to come over her apartment (She never invited me to the apartment!!) I helped my WS through this and even got her some therapy. My WS was done with her AP and vowed never to go back to him again. 


*Feb –March 2013: * We halted the divorce and talked about reconciliation. I gave full disclosure of the evidence I had and she was embarrassed and angry with me. And then there were her stipulations on any reconciliation. If we were going to reconcile it would have to move far away from our friends, as she could never face them. And we would have to take separate vacations to our relatives. She was afraid of me telling her relatives about what she did. She hid many things from her parents. BTW, I never told them. She then confessed she was in love with her AP and she started to talk to her AP once again. But she seemed uncomfortable that I moved on with my life rather quickly (e.g. dating). 

*April 2013:* We continued on with our divorce and she was now surprised that I wanted the divorce. I was very amicable and worked with her closely but did not give her 50% of the assets. I kept the house as my son was familiar with the neighborhood and did want too much change for him.

*May 27, 2013 *– Divorce was final (50/50 custody of our son)

*June 2013* – She got engaged to her AP

*July 2013 *– Her AP moved back to the U.S.

*Aug 2013* – They got married and started his green card process

*Oct 2013 *– They bought a house together and live 30 minutes away from me.


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## larky (Nov 27, 2009)

over a decade.

If I was not happy with something like the taxes here, the job market, what ever involved issues that made my life a real challenge here, wife would say "if you dont like it, then we can divorse and you can move back to the states" She said that often in the 10 years. She was the most hot/cold woman who was paranoid I ever met. She always would buy things in our marriage when I was unemployed like:

A new CAR!
New Sofa Set!
New Bose Base speaker!
New Fireplace!
New kitchen appliances and some, older ones she already had! 
A new Stationary Bicicle
New Love seats
New Bed "Old one was two years old" 
and many many appliances!

She is not rolling int he doe. Mabey 45k a year. But the household expenses are high and only once, I exceeded her pay by 25k but that was one year out of ten years being married/sealed to her.Wife has always had between 20-40k floating on her credit cards. 

Then she complains why she is always in debt and why she could not financially support me. Only if I had a decent job to pay the rent, would I be out of this place sooner since she filed for a divorce a few days ago! 

She is paranoid and controlling. Does not allow me to use certain dishes, never any of her food she buys. 

She does make sweets and allows me to have them. Wife came come froma abusive mormon upbringing so this is part of who she is. Mom/dad would always fight verbally and some ocational physical abuse.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Decided to separate in Sept. Both moved into our own places by the end of Oct. It is now March and we haven't made a decision. Although it's leaning in the direction of D

My first marriage we separated in November. I filed for divorce by April the next year. That situation was a little different than this one though because it involved cheating (on his part) so I knew I was getting a divorce it was just pulling the trigger.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

BrokenAndShattered said:


> Told me he was divorcing me on Valentine's Day and filed a little over a week later.



Oh hell, so sorry to hear that B.
Wonder what possessed him to tell you on that day of all days , A/H !


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> if I recall WH you posted on that thread back in '12



Yeah could have Chuck l was here late 12, unfortunately . Seems a long time ago now thank God.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

jj-page said:


> To answer your questions directly, it took 9 months for the divorce to be final
> 
> And her standpoint on divorce was NON-NEGOTIABLE but my story is slightly more complicated!!! Since my divorce has long passed I thought I would share part of it.
> 
> ...




Holy hell sorry about that jj.
At least we can put money on one thing , they'll disintegrate down the track but ou'll be too happy to care and in a new life of your own. Best of luck.


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## kl2077 (Mar 2, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kl2077 (Mar 2, 2014)

Ran away from my violent crazy wife in1995. Sent her divorce papers, called her relatives for 10 yrs with no divorce. Smart enough to hide money, bank accounts, retirement in my parents and kids names. She found me in 2005. My life aszooming w/great prof jobs, houses, etc. She was a disaster. No family, home, friends-all had gave up on her. Deal was I would get her a job, place to live, and a life-for a divorce! Got the divorce-she never would leave for long. Been gone 3 month now! Never gave her nothing-no house, car, no cash, but it has been HELL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

kl2077 said:


> Ran away from my violent crazy wife in1995. Sent her divorce papers, called her relatives for 10 yrs with no divorce. Smart enough to hide money, bank accounts, retirement in my parents and kids names. She found me in 2005. My life aszooming w/great prof jobs, houses, etc. She was a disaster. No family, home, friends-all had gave up on her. Deal was I would get her a job, place to live, and a life-for a divorce! Got the divorce-she never would leave for long. Been gone 3 month now! Never gave her nothing-no house, car, no cash, but it has been HELL!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


plan to ever get married again?


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