# My wife said she's not attracted to me anymore?



## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

We've had our share of ups and downs and really let ourselves go for awhile. We're both overweight severely and she just recently told me she's not attracted to me from the neck down anymore. I came back with I've never been not been attracted to you and so the convo went on from there about weight and such. We both started working out but I'm not sure if that will be enough to go the attraction back?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Well you won't know till you try will you? I love my husband dearly but I do have a weight limit. He's hit it a few times and no I'm not attracted to him when he's that size. I can deal with overweight just not severely overweight.

For the record I'm thin.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Yes you can do it. Read this book and find out why and how. Many here have done it. Take the red pill.

Married Man Sex Life

Start working on yourself and don't worry what your wife is going to do. Up your sex rank, things will fall into place. 

Cut out the carbs and start lifting. Here are some good things to pick you up quickly. 

Starting Strength, 3rd edition: Mark Rippetoe, Jason Kelly

Starting Strength

BodBot - Free Personalized Training and Nutrition Plans

Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

brianj_usa said:


> Really let ourselves go for awhile.
> Both overweight severely
> Told me she's not attracted to me
> We both started working out
> I'm not sure if that will be enough to [get] the attraction back?


Although gaining weight is an obvious attraction killer, there's more to it than that. You also lose attraction points on behavior, and behaving in a way that allowed you to become 'severely overweight' has to have popped a confidence bubble in your spouses mind, 'how could he let himself go this much'. (I know she is overweight to, but that doesn't change her judgement of you, it doesn't sound fair, but it is what it is).

So, you have two problems to address (at least):

Reestablish her confidence in you.
Take charge of your sad, sad, physical state; for your own damned well-being.

Starting today:

Stop whining to her about your, or her, weight problem.
Stuff yourself with baked chicken or chicken cooked in olive oil, eat so much of it that there's no room for crap.
Eat a lot of steamed broccoli, it'll help cut the extra estrogen the fat in your body is creating (you have to get rid of that estrogen, it affects the way you think also).
Carbs are killin ya, if that's your mission there are easier, more honorable ways to go about it. If on the other hand, life is important, cut that junk food (carbs).
Don't watch more than an hour of tv.
Don't sit at the computer for more than an hour.
Don't play video games for more than an hour.
If you sit at your job, try to do it standing, if possible.

The modifications I mentioned, are just a sampling of what you need to do, but, and this is important, if you do these things with a good solid attitude, you'll start to regain some of your wife's attraction to you, even before you lose any substantial weight, because she will see a determined man taking decisive action, and that my friend, is an attractive trait.

T


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I just read your other thread.

My guess is the OM in better physical shape then you. No?

Have you confronted him to stay out of your marriage? You need to.

He's a orbiter. He's going to make it sound like he's there for her. Then when she feels comfortable enough she'll make the jump from you to him. He's setting himself up to be in place when she jumps.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Lose the weight for you. Don't plan on her coming back after that. It's not the weight. I'm nearly 100% sure of that. Once you guys split, it'll be a lot easier to get back into the game if you're thinner.

She's falling out of love with you, and it's not the weight.


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

Wow awesome responses! The other guy sent me a message and told me that if I wasn't comfortable with them talking he would stop. I trust her completely. We are having a hard time right now but we're both trying and we'll see how it goes but I do need to work on myself to get confidence and stability back in my life and our life. I appreciate all the responses, thanks


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Good keep working at it and get rid of him. No man talks to my wife about our problems.


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

I need to clarify some things I wrote before....I know severely overweight was probably the wrong choice of word to use on her weight because her weight is the result of 7 pregnancies and a thyroid problem. She has lost the weight 2 times but gained it back with a pregnancy. Also, it's not like we're not having sex because we are, we've actually had more in the past few weeks of talking then we did in the past 6-9 months. I do need to be more confident but it's hard with everything that's happened in the past few years...been fired from 2 jobs, hours cut back at the job where I am now and she's a small business owner that has been picking up the slack for me since my job situation has been horrible. She is a strongindependent woman and I'm not very strong right now and it's bothering her. I know I need to be more take charge, driven and I need to stand up for myself, which I don't do. She said I need to find something to do with my free time but around her I don't what to do, it's a very small community.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm going to bet her issue with you isn't physical. She may find you less attractive these days primarily because your job difficulties and your lack of confidence. She's "picking up the slack"? Does that mean she's the primary bread-winner and that's not something she's been used to? Your hours cut back? Is she seeing you working less and relaxing more? If she owns a business, she probably drives herself pretty hard. You might try to stay hustling at least 40 hrs a week. If you don't have a full schedule at work, use the time to look for a better job, train for a better job, improve your education, exercise, lose weight, or something. You'll feel more in control and your confidence will improve, too. Big can still be sexy but as a guy you don't want to look weak, indecisive, and dependent. Women usually go for security and weak or depressed doesn't broadcast "security".


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You really need to read MMSL now. You have free time? Download it today.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

anchorwatch said:


> You really need to read MMSL now. You have free time? Download it today.


Completely agree. Brian, you are a textbook example case of everything the Author talks about in the _Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011_. You need to read it and you will see -- it will change your life.


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> You really need to read MMSL now. You have free time? Download it today.


Well there's one problem with that....don't have the money to buy it right now, probably not for another 2 weeks


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

I see a few similarites between your story and mine, Brian. While my wife never gave ultimatums, or criticized my appearance- I was overweight and I had lost my confidence as a result. The MMSL was essential for me as the MAP is pretty much an outline of how to get your sh*% together as a guy. It's pretty simple at the core- better yourself.

Your health is essential in this process, but you have to want it... no, you have to NEED it. If you can't commit to becoming the Brian you used to be, or NEED to be, well, then you will fail.... but, if you can taste it, and are willing to put in the effort and time- you can do it. 

I hear you that money is an issue (when is it not?), but there are things you CAN do. As Tony mentioned, eat smarter and exercise. Broccoli and chicken are cheap. Running is free... well, provided you have some shorts and sneakers. You want something to do with your free time? Run!

I started my journey back in Oct 2011. Every day is another day forward. I've lost 75 pounds. When I started I could barely walk around the block, now I run 3-4 miles every weekday morning at 5am. I do a long run on Sat or Sun. I move forward.

My story if you care to read.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

oops. Here it is

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/63110-almost-there-advice-please.html#post1285385


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

Our relationship is sort of that way 41362...we've endured some rough things in our marriage and we're still together trying to make it work. We talked last night about the whole confidence issue and she put it point-blank, "you need to get off this pansy ass attitude you have." I really need to find a way to get that book and read it. Think it's at the library? I'll call and ask them. MY stats.... 5'9" 250#. The only thing that is really fat is my belly/back area. I want to get down to around 200 by summer but I'm going to have to work at it. We're both doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and it's kicking my butt. She's a professional photographer and has had her business license for over 5 years and she's made quite a reputation for herself (IMO she's the best in the area, and I've told her many times). Right now she is more driven and goal orientated, I just need to give myself a kick in the ass and get my act together.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

My wife never said that, but I don't doubt that she bit her tongue several hundred times in that effort...

Call the library, Brian. Call all of 'em...

That said, you don't need the book to take the first steps. I didn't even know about the book when I decided to get off my fat ass. You gotta move.

What's your diet look like? 
What's your daily caloric intake? 
What's your daily caloric intake goal?
How many calories does your JM workout burn? 
What's your daily protein intake? 

You need to log this stuff. If you aren't, it'll be a huge eye opener.


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

I was a very heavy Mt Dew drinker up til about 6 days ago. I'm down to at most 1 a day and trying to cut that out. I don't like coffee or unsweet tea so I can't go there for non calorie drinks so water has been the other source of liquid. 2 weeks ago I was 260 pounds and since cutting pop back I actually went down to 247# the other day but putting 250# as a reference point. As far as food goes....we did have pizza yesterday at the Grandparents house for the game but it was thin crust so less bread(carbs). I stopped myself from eating something last night at midnight which 2 weeks ago I would've ate something heavy then went to sleep. I've been able to control my appetite for the most part but I still have cravings for huge meals!! I called the Dr. today and got my bloodwork results....my sugar test was fine and my cholesterol is down 20 points from a year ago, it's currently at 223. I am going to try and find a way to get that book but I appreciate everyone's posts and great responses!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I don't have much advice to add as I would like to drop my fat too and I'm only a little taller than you are but considerably heavier.

If you've dropped that much weight by making that simple change (cut down the pop) you are going to acheive your goals easily with more modified eating and exercising. Again I'm not preaching cause my fat ass hasn't dropped a pound or a hamburger in quite some time.


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## pinkblossom79901 (Jan 21, 2013)

Be more attentive to her...
Be more romantic ......


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I only say this cause I responded to your other thread. She is having a EA with the other guy. He may
not want anything from her except friendship but after what you just wrote I think her motives are different.
Wants to go to Vegas to feel single. She is angry with you. Now she is not attracted to you cause of the weight.
Lose the weight for you. Read No More Mr Nice Guy. Make some healthy choices and hopefully she comes around, especially for all
your kids sake. But her motives are very suspicious. 
Plus never put Mt. Dew to your lips ever again. That's crap is toxic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

While I am not attracted to my wife, there is no chance on this Earth I am ever actually going to tell her that. That is just too mean.


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

While she may have a co-worker male friend that she talks to, I also have a friend but the friend is a female co-worker that I work with. I completely trust her and she trusts me so there is no concern for infidelity in the marriage. I have talked to my friend about what's going on and my wife is okay with it. There are 3 things I need to do for myself and our marriage:
1. Man-up! Take responsibility and be the husband and father that she married in the beginning.
2. Lose the damn weight! It's not good for my health and if I don't feel attractive how can I be attractive to her.
3. Pay attention to her! If she wants to do something talk with her about it, and come with the best plan for everyone involved.

All in all I need a new attitude and outlook on life and that's been changing for a few days now. Just need to keep the workouts and eating right going. Shower her with the love and attention that has been lacking in the marriage and be the man that she married, not what I am right now!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

brianj_usa said:


> While she may have a co-worker male friend that she talks to, I also have a friend but the friend is a female co-worker that I work with. I completely trust her and she trusts me so there is no concern for infidelity in the marriage. I have talked to my friend about what's going on and my wife is okay with it. There are 3 things I need to do for myself and our marriage:
> 1. Man-up! Take responsibility and be the husband and father that she married in the beginning.
> 2. Lose the damn weight! It's not good for my health and if I don't feel attractive how can I be attractive to her.
> 3. Pay attention to her! If she wants to do something talk with her about it, and come with the best plan for everyone involved.
> ...


That's the right attitude. Now do it!

And feel free to holler if need any conductive criticism/advice.

Oh...
Stay away from pizza

Soda is pure evil

Good luck


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

brianj_usa said:


> We talked last night about the whole confidence issue and she put it point-blank, "you need to get off this pansy ass attitude you have." I really need to find a way to get that book and read it. Think it's at the library?


Married Man Sex Life Primer costs a whopping $4 in pdf or kindle form. That's a six pack of Mountain Dew. I've been reading the guy's blog since shortly after it went up and what the blog and the book are useful for is to help you see past the BS about what women/society say women are attracted to and what they are truly attracted to. Most guys already know this, but they are programmed to ignore what they see with their own eyes. The blog is completely free.

Probably the first thing you need to do is to figure out where you are on the Male Socio-Sexual Hierarchy of attraction. This is especially important since your wife has an EA, at minimum, going on with her OM. That's why she's been hot to trot with you lately, she's been thinking about him even though you're the guy actually laying the pipe at the time. It ain't rocket science.

You also are probably violating The Sixteen Commandments. Start following them and quit discussing "relationship" with women. They may say they want "relationship discussions" with their man, but they really do not. 



brianj_usa said:


> MY stats.... 5'9" 250#. The only thing that is really fat is my belly/back area. I want to get down to around 200 by summer but I'm going to have to work at it.


That's all about your mouth. The easiest way to do it is use Atkins, Paleo, or Tim Ferris' Slow Carb Diet. Both are on the internet with many forums telling you how to do it. You'll drop fat, as opposed to muscle, and you won't go hungry in any way.



brianj_usa said:


> We're both doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and it's kicking my butt.


Which one are you in this picture?



Do you understand what I'm saying here?

This is not the program for you. I recommend you finish it, since it will demonstrate to your wife that you can complete a project, but what you need to start doing is the heavy primary lifts. You can either do it HIT style or multi-set style, results are about the same, but you need to be doing this 3X per week,as in MWF: leg press, squat, dead lift, decline bench press, overhead press, pullover machine, pull down. You can use machines or barbells. You need to get your waist, measured right under the rib cage down to 30-32" and your chest measured at the nips up to 44" or so, at 10% body fat. This will give you "the Golden Ratio" which triggers female limbic attraction. I can assure you, it works wonders walking around with that body. Even with clothes on, women know.



brianj_usa said:


> She's a professional photographer and has had her business license for over 5 years and she's made quite a reputation for herself (IMO she's the best in the area, and I've told her many times). Right now she is more driven and goal orientated, I just need to give myself a kick in the ass and get my act together.


You realize that this is a very very tough job to make a living at, don't you? What is your present job right now?




brianj_usa said:


> OK, *she has a trip coming up in March to go to Vegas with some friends* and she said that *it will be a "anger resolving" trip*. She said she wants to go have fun and pretend she's not married for a few days (without infidelity) and see some places she's never been. She's 31 and only been out of state to go to Myrtle Beach with family. Should we wait til after that or try to have her go before?


At age 31, your wife's sex drive is just reaching the highest plateau of her life and it will remain there for about 10 years or so, most likely. This is because her testosterone levels are elevated to encourage her to gather some more wild male seed before she enters the onset of infertility in her 40's.

She is going to Vegas to get some action. If she makes this trip, it will be a bad thing for the future of your relationship.


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## brianj_usa (Jan 18, 2013)

Right now my job situation is not where I'd like it to be so, yes, she has been having to work harder. I have been looking for a better job but the job market around here is tough. 

We've been doing a lot of talking and been truly open with each other and I am confident that there is nothing going on between her and the co-worker. Our problems started before she even talked to the other guy so he wasn't the cause of our problems, they were created long before that.

She is not a normal woman. She doesn't look for someone else at any time. She's strong and stubborn at times and that's what I love about her.

She didn't ask me to do the 30 day shred with her, I decided it would be a good start since I have no weights or can get to a gym right now.

This will be my last post on this topic, thank you all for the comments.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

brianj_usa said:


> Right now my job situation is not where I'd like it to be so, yes, she has been having to work harder. I have been looking for a better job but the job market around here is tough.


So, you're working right now?



brianj_usa said:


> We've been doing a lot of talking and been truly open with each other and I am confident that there is nothing going on between her and the co-worker.


Is he employed by your wife?



brianj_usa said:


> Our problems started before she even talked to the other guy so he wasn't the cause of our problems, they were created long before that.


It doesn't matter what caused your problems, he's in the mix now and you won't be able to fix anything as long as he's in it.



brianj_usa said:


> She is not a normal woman. She doesn't look for someone else at any time. She's strong and stubborn at times and that's what I love about her.


Yeah, all WWs are totally unique snowflakes and every situation is completely unique.




brianj_usa said:


> She didn't ask me to do the 30 day shred with her, I decided it would be a good start since I have no weights or can get to a gym right now.


Why can't you get to the gym?


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