# I still love my wife and want her back



## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Ok so this is my first post so I will try to explain it the best i can. My wife and I would of been Married 3 years on 11/26/2011 this year. We have been through alot during our relationship. I was iraq for the first year and during our engagement. When I had came home on leave in 2008 I took her virginity and we had gotten engaged. I never knew I took her virginity until after she left me and told me. She said she was embarrassed and made a story about having sex once before me. Well once I got back from Iraq on 11/26/08 we got married that day. We had a few terrible months at the beginning because i was dealing with PTSD and she was only 18 and I was 20, so we were still kids and never knew how things were. Just around 9 months after we got married our first son was born. During this time we lived with her grand parents due to financial issues. We moved to a place in the country and hated it because of issues with the house. Soon after our first son she got pregnant again. This time it was bad, she went into labor about 3-4 months early and had to stay in the hospital for a about a month or so until he was safe to be born. He was born 2 months premature. He later passed on and grew his wings on 11/20/2010, six days before our anniversary and around thanksgiving. We rarely talked about this because she does not like to show her emotions. Well then we moved out of that house to another place in the country we loved. This is where things started being bad. She left me and told me things would never work. Well after about 3 weeks she told me she needed her space... I know she is talking to other men and has told me she cant be exclusive to just one man anymore. I also know she is grieving and is trying to find herself and find independence. She has told me she does not love me anymore although the other night I was rushed to the ER after mentioning suicide home alone and drinking and taking my Valium. She called to make sure I was getting better but has told me to move on. All I really want to know is may she just be acting out from depression and is trying to find herself and could come home eventually. I know she has said alot of hateful things and she would of told me if she was cheating. She said she just wants to talk to men as platonic friends and she don't want that right now. I would do anything to have her back and would forgive her even if she slept with other people during our break, the only thing is she wants a divorce as of now... But is there any hope at all. I will always love her and take care of her and my son even if we are not together. And I have told her I would always care about her. All I want to know is do I need to have any hope? Even if its far down the road after she feels she has grown up herself... 
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Sorry I forgot some information...

Oh I forgot she is still on my phone account, she helps pay it but she does that, she asked me to take her cats back, she has not came and gotten all her processions, and she has asked me to get her ring back out of the pawn shop (we had a unexpected bill and needed money so we pawned our rings). Also she has told me she loved me after leaving and now says she doesn't... She also has show about 70% of all the symtoms of Bi Polar and has a akward way of dealing with stress. She believes people who are depressed are weak and she never shows emotion.
And today we had to talk on the phone about our sons headstone and I started to cry a little and so did she but instantly quit crying and got somewhat angry and wanted to end the call...


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Davies firstly sorry about your boy. I can not imagine the grief that causes you or her nor will I try to. I hate to say it though but with that happening and then this starting up she is not going to be honest with you. You are tied in with the pain she is feeling. She is seeking comfort from other men. There is nothing platonic about a mother losing her son and instead of talking to the father about it talking to other men. Even if nothing physical is happeningit is a huge betrayal and will lead to it being completley over.

You can not force her into counciling, you can however seek counciling for yourself. She needs to see you grow stronger. Maybe then she will be able to process her grief. Right now you can not worry about her and get the help you need for yourself and your older boy. And if you want to stay with her you are going to have to start working on forgiving her now because I am 90% sure by the time you guys get there , there will be things to forgive.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Well she had told me that right now she cannot be pleased by one person, and that what she is doing is none of my business. She also changed her facebook back to her maiden name deleted and blocked me and set her status to single.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Ouch sorry to hear that brother,who has the boy. You or her? She sounds like she is on a very very self destructive path, if you can at all try to get your boyfull time if you don't already. I know you don't want to but start up your end of the paperwork and get all that in order. Do not assist her in menial things such as taking the cats back. If she tries to throw the but you love me card (they never do it directly but she will get angry) tell her you understand she is angry but you have to start thinking of you and your child's future. If she wants something fromyouI highly recomend telling her that door is cosed unless she is in individual counciling and is willing to go to marriage counciling.

Any pushing, chasing etc by you right now is only going to justify her more. You can't force her to see the truth. You can offfer it but only she can accept it. Whatever you do do not invalidate her feelings. I am pretty sure you think she is making the wrong choice. You can not say that directly. You need to pull away right now and with the recent actions that means quit supporting ehr finacialy except in whatever way the lawyer adivses you to. You need to get in and start talking to a lawyere ASAP.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Well I am in the process of getting all the divorce papers together, and we are doing joint custody, i will have him half the week and she will too. I mean is there even a small glimmer of hope that after she unleashes all her emotions on this "space/divorce" that she could come home? I mean we both pay the phone bill together. I know she is angry and I wont lie I did alot wrong too but I feel this is her coping with all her emotions as she has always ran away from problems... She says she don't even want to be friends, but sometimes she is still sweet yet distant and sometimes she is hateful and angry... I mean I love her and always will, i know its hard to move on and i am trying but I am the one home alone while she is staying with family.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

My case isn't nearly as tramatic as yours but if you are looking for that type of answers 9years and she is no longe rin lvoe with me is my story. There is hope, but you got to do the military thing expect the worse and hope for the best.

IF you were out on patrol you wouldn't take the bare minimum of ammo because the CO said their was no enemy in the area, you would take a full load and hope you don't need to use it. 

Same thing here. Is there a chance she will come back sure, can you count on it not at all. You need to do you and your child.

Personaly I wouldn't allow her partial custody atm with everything that has happened with you two of late I don'tthink I could trust her alone if she got depressed and he was the only one around. That is my personal opinion mind you, but that is it.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Well she wont let me have him, except on my days. Also when she left she only took her clothes not really anything of our sons. She has alot still at home and to be honest I think she may never come home but I wish she would.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Hence why I am saying lawyer up. it doesn't matter what she says she will let you have and what she won't let you have. She is walking out on you your not walking out on her. For legal paperwork you are in the position of power, (well in most states) She took some of her clothes and I am assuming some of the kids clothes but left almost everything else behind (well she took the cats but now they are to much of a burden as well.)

Trust me I know its hard to do but quit worrying about how she is going to handle things and your actions. Do what is in your best interests not hers. She ahs already gaven upon you(yes there is always hope for reconciliation) she is already looking out for no one but herself, why should you continue to worry about her. Yes I know you love her and hurts you not to but by still trying to help her after she has abandoned you you are just prolonging the pain.

I am not a lawyer I can not give you legal advice, however neither is she and she walked out on you. She doesn't get to dictate how you are going to deal with it. She doesn't get that privelage. Don'tlet her continue to use as a doormat even after she is gone.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

See the only thing is I am trying to keep it simple and let my JAG lawyer write up a divorce papers that we agree on, cause before we got married I had a dirty past and she has threatened to expose me to get me into trouble and lose my son. So I am trying to keep it safe and let her be happy. I asked if we could do separation papers and she said no I want a divorce. I know its over for now, but I mean come on I was her first true love, took her virginity and her husband and children father... Doesn't that help me out maybe months from now or even years? I am not wanting to look again just for the fact she might come home some day... Plus I cant find a woman who is attractive to me like my wife... But yes I cant afford a lawyer and her family can.... She cant afford it alone but she would get her way with family and a lawyer. I mean hell I still pay all our house bills while she is staying with family with none. I dont know I am ready to give up but in the process i cant move on...


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Davies, 
Nice guy is right. I am so sorry you two have been through so much in your young lives. I am glad you are in counseling for your PTSD. I go for depression, and I am coming to accept that it is a disease, not my weakness. If she has bi-polar and isn't getting treatment, you need to talk that over with your counselor and maybe your lawyer. This isn't about keeping her happy, it's about keeping your little one safe. That has to be your priority. I know your vows said, "In sickness and in health," and it sounds like you want to make good on your word. Problem is, you can't control her. Maybe ask your counselor how you can do an intervention with family and friends to get her to go for help for bi-polar. Just an idea. They do that with alcoholics and other disorders. Perhaps if she knew that family members don't blame her for being mentally ill, she might open to the idea? Does she blame you for PTSD, or recognize that you have it? So much on your plate. Praying for you and her. And little guy. Hang in there, but don't blame yourself. And no suicide. Absolutely off the table. Keep writing. Thank you for serving our country. Thank you for being there for your son when your wife either won't or can't. You are way too important. We can't lose you. Not kidding.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

That might be something else you want to talk to your lawyer about. The past part that is and her threatening to drag it out in the open. As far as an actual lawyer forthe proceedings some of them work on retainers or have payment plans.Like I said I understand the not wanting to give up I really do. In some ways I am in the same boat as you, but things didn't start getting better with mySTBX?!?till I started taking care of me and proved I don'tneed her.You don't need her you just really want her. The line is fine but it is there. 

Your story is riddled with red flags though both for the TAM forum posters and a for a clinical physcologist.

I understand the wanting to keep it simple as well but you can't allow her to threaten you, blackmail you etc and soforth. It really is in your best interest with everything going on to start talking to lawyers that have free consultations. Write up a list of this stuff you are worried about to ask them questions about. Find one thatis going to best represent your personal interests. Your Jag lawyer is not allowed to try civily which is what a divorce proceeding is all s/he can do is advise so your going to have to look into it anyways because by the sounds of it she is not going to play nice and her telling you she is is her taking advantage of you again.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Well we have made agreements on all of the divorce we are doing joint custody half weeks each and she only wants her car and nothing else, she does not want a dirty divorce and jag lawyers can help with normal agreed divorces, so that's why we are going that route. She has told me that she only wants her car and every time I mention something about just anything about us or taking her phone away she tells me she will take everything from me (basically even my shoes!) and that's why I am so crippled and just letting it into agreement and trying to resolve this peacefully. I want her home you know and I have tried to do everything to get it, all i have left to do is let her be and let her find her own way. And on the Bi-Polar issue I have mentioned it to her family and they told me she deals with things herself and she don't think she has a illness. She also thinks ptsd and depression makes you weak and she says she is not weak even though she has anger issues she says anger does not make you weak...


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Ohhh and also I know she has told me to move on but I still love her no matter what she does... I would let her come home even after "experiencing" life if you know what i mean, she is honestly all i have her and my son and being home alone when he is not here is the hardest part, that and not feeling someone else's breath in my bed.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

And your right my little guy does need me and that's why I am here, cause that night I was drinking and took all my Valium I had my shotgun loaded beside me and my son was the only thing holding me back. That's why I kept drinking was to try and forget my inhibitions, but my mom and the police got there in time to get me to the hospital to think about what I was doing. And I wont lie I still wish I would die, but I cant do it to myself. Its just like i wonder what would happen if i got into a huge car wreck or had a heart attack what she would do? Or if she would even care... And lastly even if we do get divorced I am still going to have my life insurance 50% for her 50% for my son cause she will need the help raising him if I ever do pass and no kid needs 400k when they turn 18/21 but I cant and promise I wont kill myself even though the thought is there. It was just Easter yesterday and I was home alone for the first holiday since she left me...


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

I just want a inkling of hope for down the road you know


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

dtdavies07 said:


> Well we have made agreements on all of the divorce we are doing joint custody half weeks each and she only wants her car and nothing else, she does not want a dirty divorce and jag lawyers can help with normal agreed divorces, so that's why we are going that route. She has told me that she only wants her car and every time I mention something about just anything about us or taking her phone away she tells me she will take everything from me (basically even my shoes!) and that's why I am so crippled and just letting it into agreement and trying to resolve this peacefully. I want her home you know and I have tried to do everything to get it, all i have left to do is let her be and let her find her own way. And on the Bi-Polar issue I have mentioned it to her family and they told me she deals with things herself and she don't think she has a illness. She also thinks ptsd and depression makes you weak and she says she is not weak even though she has anger issues she says anger does not make you weak...


Davies obviously its not just the car, you are having to pay her phone, if you don't meet each and every one of her demands she is going to ruin you.You went to Iraq I am assuming you have been shot at, lost brothers, had brothers die in your arms. You are acting more afraid of this past then losing yourlife and never returning home. 

She is not looking out for you. She is doing a nasty divorce already because anytime you disagree with her she threatens you. Doesn't sound very friendly tome. I don't know what this dark secret in the past is but usualy there is some burden of proof required they can't convict you just because you told your wife that you used to be the drug king pin of the southwest. They need to actualy prove you were the drug king pin of the SW. 

Like I said I know you love her I know you want her back. Read some of the other threads here we all love our WS, we all want them back, but you are never going to get her back as long as your balls are firmly in her purse. She is getting everything she "wants" right now.She knows you are still there for her. She knows you won't fight her. She knows you are going to make this as easy for her as possible. 

Not a single thing she has done has been looking out for you. No where in your story do I see a reason to trust her. What happens when you want the kid for a certain day say your re-enlistment ceremonybut she doesn't want to give him to you. You push are you going to let her hold this legal problem against you forever.

Get somerestbrother come back and re read what you wrote and what I am saying to you about her. Look at it with a new set of eyes. I know the world is coming crashing down on you. Mine happened a month ago utits time topick your self back up and look at your situation realisticly.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

I know I need to look at it from another view, but I feel as if she might come home you know? I don't care what she has done or what she is going to do, I would always forgive her and let her home. And I know I need to take the lawyer route, but I cant afford it so I have to take the sad route of agreement. I don't know the laws, but cant you request counseling/mental review before getting the divorce like a court order thing, cause if there was a way to make her go to something like that I would try my hardest to pay for a lawyer. I want full custody of my son but sadly this is a woman's world... Also Indiana is my state if anyone would know the laws or any ideas of what to do... Honestly I feel its time to give up and move on but I still love her, what about the no contact/jealousy route? Like next time I were to get my son have a female companion with me, I am not saying right now but down the line. Like make her want me again and think I am fine without her...


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

I mean doesn't it seem like she needs help and is having issues with stability of her mind? I mean IDK but she thinks its weak to have a mental illness and therefore she would never have one...


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

well part of the 180 is some of that. You have to appear that you don't need her.The female add-on sounds like its for the wrong reasons. And you have to be making the changes for you otherwise they are pointless.

many lawyers including Divorce lawyers have free consultations where they discuss your legal options, answer your questions etc. I don't know the laws in your state hell I barley know them for my state, but youwould have to ask them. Some states are a fault state some are a no fault state. My HOR is a no fault state meaning getting court mandated marriage counciling is pretty much out. IF you think she is a danger to your child(I feel she is with the way you describe her) you can go to child services and get her evalulated, you can even call and do it annomyously. Child services can strip her of custody and order individual treatment as a requirement for return of custody. After child services strips her temporarily of custody you can then petition the court that it is in the childs best intrest that you be given custody while her case is ongoing. (this one I actually know something about spent a lot of time in a foster home when I was younger)

Her knowing you will always love her and more importantly always welcome her home and forgive her is enabling her behaviour. She is having to face zero consequences for her actions. Right now you are her plan B. If **** goes bad for her she knows she can always come right back to you. So she is in no jeapordy of losing anything. She is not going to respect you or your feelings till you respect yourself and allowing her to walk all over you is notyou respecting yourself. 

Like I said I know its hard. Been going through hell myself. Its a hard thing but seriously you start doing it day by day you will start to feel better. Sure you will slip some days. Some days you will want to go play in traffic and tempt fate. But overall you will start to feel better. You will realize you can love her with all your heart and not be with her. You don't need her you want her, but the her that is there right now is not the her you know. She has to make the choice to become "herself" again and nothing you can do can force that. All you can do is control your world. What you will allow people to do to you, What you will allow people to do to your child, finding things that matter to you besides her and fighting for them.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok I just read your thread from the beginning.

Blaming her depression on possibly being the reason she wants out is just trying to find excuses for her behaviors.

She wants out, let her go. NEVER EVER cling to someone who wants to go away. SHe already told you she acn't be exclusive to one man and she wants a divorce. That says it all.

File and be done with her. 

Yu mentioned you would forgive her for anything/everything and take her back each time--this is very bad. it means you have no boundaries and are willing to be her doormat while she does you any way she wants. Women are not attracted to men like this.

Find your dignity and self-respect and walk tall. A man who doesn't respect himself is seen as weak by women. Put your foot down. Tell her you don't want to be w/ her if she is going to be acting the way she is, that you deserve better, you wish her well and will agree to the divorce, but you aren't going to concede to what she wants just cause wshe wants it. And then "go dark" No talks w/ her unless it's about your kids.

She will see you in a new light if you do this.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Good news! I woke up this morning and was like OMG why do I even care... She does not care about me why should i care for her... I have lost 35 pounds since she left and plan to keep losing wieght... I contacted all my SGTs in my Unit and told then i want on a weight loss program and to go active duty again...


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Good to hear it man. Glad youslept on it all.

*edit be prepared though one day at a time. You are about to ride the world's best/worst roller coaster and once you get buckled in there is no telling how many times you are going to ride it before it stops. One day at a time and you will slowly get used to it.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks NiceGuy...

Another update:
I know this might seem bad, but there was this girl I used to have the biggest crush on as a kid (like 14-15) we used to go to church camp together and this was before myspace and facebook so we kinda lost contact. Well we kinda found each other the other day on facebook and we have been texting and talking on the phone alot. She and I are just talking about life and catching up on our friendship. But she is amazing and a complete sweetheart. Also I used to be religious, not extremely but went to church, until I got married my wife was not into religion. Well this girl is and seems to know who she is and what she wants. Now I know not to rush this or think anything will come but she said she wants to hangout catch up build our friendship again and see what happens from there. Also she said she thinks me and my son look happy together and she would like to meet him sometime...


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

With everything you posted yesterday I think romance needs to be completley off the table for you. You defnitley have some things to work on in the just you department (all of us on this particular board do) I see no problem catching up with an old friend but I would personaly make it very clear to her that you are going through a lot your emotions are as jumbled as a 4 year olds finger painting and you need her to respect you enough to just be friends for now and turn you down you down if you get emotional with her. 

You aren't nessicarly in a place where you will be able to manage self control on your own. And you are putting yourself into a placethat can easily make all the pain that much worse. It is also not fair to this friend for you to get romantic taking all your ex's baggage and placing it at the new woman's feet. And that will happen as long as you stillhave undealt with emotions about your STBX wayward.

I can't tell you not to engage her. You have to make that choice yourself but from what you typed it sounds like you are projecting your feelings about your STBX onto this old friend. You need to find love and respect for yourself first before getting it from someone else or offering it from someone else and you need to take enough time to ensure that you do love and respect yourself otherise the patterns are going to repeat themselfs.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Well the reason I like talking to her as a friends is she and I have talked more about my sons death and have cried, than my wife and I ever did. I am not looking for a relationship or sex for that matter. I honestly just want a companion/friend. Just someone to cry to and be honest and relate to... And as for baggage goes she has some too, she and her fiance just split a few weeks ago not because of other people but because of him using drugs. She is a great girl and tried many times to help him but she has given up. So to be honest I think we are both just wanting a shoulder and a friend.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

I understand just giving out the warning the best an annomyous friend can you are both (yourself and your friend) very emotional unstable right now. The potential for something bad happening is great. I understand needing someone trust me. I am over seas and my life consists of my wife and children I have no one I can physicaly interact with why I end up spending so much time here is for that comfort.And considering everyone here is a stranger I don't have to worry about my emotional vulnerability leading me to take actionsI would take if soe of these people were physicaly in my life.

To use an example if I knew the user behind Jellybeans and knew her personaly I would be very taken in by her. (sorry for using you as an example JB) From ehr posts and support of myself and other peoples posts she offers alot of what I am missing and wanting in my desperation. But I don't know her in person I know her online handle and a picture of what I hope to be Jellybellies.

So on here I have to conciously make a deciscion to do something I know would not be in my best interests compared to meeting someone like JB in person and things accidently happening due to my emotional instabilitiy.

Once again JB sorrry for using you as an example you are just a truley honest kind and caring person and you had already posted in this particular thread so you popped in my head.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DTDavies--a friend is great to have. But I would caution you to stay far away at this point. You are MARRIED still. So that is not fair to her or you. A real woman will respect the fact you are still married.
You said it yourself you had a huge crush on her back in the day so there is a history there.

Don't complicate things or make it worse than it needs to be.

Get a divorce and then start entertaining hanging/being w/ other women.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Niceguy13 said:


> To use an example if I knew the user behind Jellybeans and knew her personaly I would be very taken in by her. (sorry for using you as an example JB) From ehr posts and support of myself and other peoples posts she offers alot of what I am missing and wanting in my desperation. But I don't know her in person I know her online handle and a picture of what I hope to be Jellybellies.
> 
> So on here I have to conciously make a deciscion to do something I know would not be in my best interests compared to meeting someone like JB in person and things accidently happening due to my emotional instabilitiy.
> 
> Once again JB sorrry for using you as an example you are just a truley honest kind and caring person and you had already posted in this particular thread so you popped in my head.


Aw, well thanks Nice!  What is this "Jellbellies" thing? LOL. 

Ya know, when I first separated rom my husband, my ex-boyf from high school was also going through a divorce. He would call me and offer emotional support and it was nice to talk to someone going through the same thing. But then he wanted to start hanging out and I told him plainly: I am going through a VERY difficult time in my life right now and this is making me uncomfortable. He got upset w/ me but I am glad I cut it off because it was the best thing for both of us.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

Well my friend and I talked it over and we are going to probably not hang out for a long time... She is going to come over and take my stitches out one day soon because she is a nursing major... I also can't bring myself to hangout cause I already feel the emotional attraction... We are both under alot of baggage and need a friend but we are going to keep it simple and play it safe... You know this sound awful but I feel if we did get together that she would be safer for my son than my wife... I don't know how my wife acts since she has left other than she is pretty much dating/having an affair... I don't know this for sure but I can feel it... Also she was supposed to go pay 80 on our phone bill today, so when I went and got our son i asked for the 80 and told her i would go get it paid today cause I have the money for the rest... Well she said no I will do it... Guess what she never did, good thing I paid it all... She said she was busy, once I had gotten our son she left to who knows where and was more worried about that than her responsibility to pay her part of the phone... I called her out on it and she said she would pay me on Sunday when I bring my son back. But I called and texted her a few times about severe storms and that our son would be ok and that his fever has not came back and she ignored it all. So I did what any honest man with a backbone would do. (she has called me weak and that I have no backbone) and shut her phone off. The best part is she cant transfer her number or cell phone without my permission ever though we are married. (Don't you love contracts) Also I had taken her cats back cause she needed a place for them and today I said I want them out. I am not going to do anything for her anymore other than take care of our boy. She wanted to be independent and told me she did not need more so I am showing her I am done wasting any time on her. But if she were to say sorry and give me the money for the bill I would turn it back on just so I know I can get a hold of my sons mother... Its a brutal thing and could end up blowing back in my face and her wanting to try and take everything, that could be the only thing wrong with me turning her phone off but Da*nit she told me to grow a backbone and I did no more her telling me how things are... Its a team effort even if we are going to be not together...


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

@JB your welcome JB after all what are annomyous online friends for except to boost each others ego and self worth 

@DT glad to see you are taking that piece of advice. Really didn't want to see you get in an even worse place then you already hard. Like I said most of us here do realize how hard everything is. All we can do is give you advice from our own successes and failures and hope you learn from our mistakes.

I still suggest you go to some free consultaions with different lawyers, you might even qualify for legal aid, Even if you can't afford them most good lawyers (read the ones that actualy care about their clients) will still give you advice so you aren't ****ing yourself over. From everything you said unless you are a CA (or other ultra liberal state) she won't be walking away with much. You can prove abandoment of the marriage abandonment of the home partial abandonment of the child emotion and physical danger of the child (strange men always being around while she is partying it up all in front of your child)

Like Isaid I am not a lawyer but you have a real strong case and her bringing stuff from way back in the past in a civil case is just going to make her look petty and won't buy her much ground with the judge. You can defnitley get legal aid for your child and have a GAL(guadian ad lietum) appointed that looks out for the best interests of the child in the upcoming divorce case and I guarentee you she is not in the child's best interest if she can't even handle the responsibility of paying a cell phone bill.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Oh to add you are going to want to make yourself appear the most stable person in the world. Support her only where nessecary do not be harsh do not be stalkery any of that. Kill her with kindness in another word. Anything youdo right now that can be taken as "unhinged" will work against you. Even though you are going through a lot emotionaly and pschologicaly you need to appear from the outside as nothing but a strong dedicated father and yes even husband who is caring giving and compassionate. I know you had your fault in everything that happened but right now you have to make sure the world (i.e. the court) sees that you were walked out on not the other way, that you didn't emotionaly abuse her when your son died (that I am not saying you did but with the way she is acting according to you she is very likley to claim you did) that you have been nothing but there for her.


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## dtdavies07 (Apr 26, 2011)

UPDATE

I am completely done, I am going and getting the papers worked out tomorrow, she has crossed the line too many times. I told her to come get her stuff and give me money for our phone bill or i would shut it off. We talked briefly and I just told her I still love her but I don't want her back and that I need to worry about me and my son and not her acting like a child. We sat down wrote our demands down and tomorrow I will get them filed. I don't know what else to do but give her her demands and let this one go. Sadly that's all I want to do anymore. Lastly, I told her I would always be there for her and our son and that I know she does not care but I would, just did not want to end it on a bad note you know? But thanks everyone for the support and I think I will get on a few more times, but I am about to get rid of the internet cause its just a useless bill.

Also sorry I made two posts, I am copy/paste this on both to make it easier on me. I did not really know the forum rules


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