# 50 Shades



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

H suggests I get 50 shades to help turn me on? My suggestion is we wait for this move to be over.. he's complaining we're down to 1/week. Stress kills my libido.. it increases his apparently. I don't think 1/week is unfair, but I'll entertain his suggestion... Will 50 shades get me turn me on? A gf of mine suggested it to me a while back.. said it does wonders for her marriage. Just ne er checked it out.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

if you like poorly written books then go for it. otherwise it'll turn you off and put you in a foul mood as it did for me lol

there are SO many other amazing erotica books out there...if you're an avid reader you will find 50 shades seriously lacking and extremely boring.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

...not to mention completely unrealistic. If you want to read about a simpering 21 year old virgin who orgasms again and again (her first time), by all means, go for it...simpering 21 year old virgins who bat and flutter their eyelashes at some idiot abusive prick doesn't do it for me...;p


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Maybe I'll check out amazon and see what else is out there. I do like erotica.. but what I told H is that I didn't want a "false" turn-on towards him. Kind of like I don't want him to watch porn and then come to me with a hard on. But he told me he'd take anything right now and he won't be offended.. I guess he's being honest.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

do you like more lovey dovey erotica or are you more into the harsh stuff?
personally,i like both but i can only take the lovey stuff for so long before i roll my eyes and read something else.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> do you like more lovey dovey erotica or are you more into the harsh stuff?
> personally,i like both but i can only take the lovey stuff for so long before i roll my eyes and read something else.


More harsh stuff. Suggestions?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If you're in the middle of a stressful move while caring for young children when does he think you'll have TIME to read an actual book? LOL


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I can't read those type novels unless it has a decent story line. So I go for bestselling authors.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You ladies do realize that if it as a man on here, asking what type of porn he could watch to get more in the mood for his wife...that we'd be stringing him up...?

;p


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Cherry said:


> More harsh stuff. Suggestions?


try the sleeping beauty trilogy. a very good friend of mine raved about it so i bought the series.Read them all but it took a while because it's SO WEIRD and INTENSE.

While not all the parts were a turn on for me, there were just enough scenes to make me breathless and throbby 

I had to keep putting it down and coming back to it bc I'd get so into the story it felt like my brain was going to explode from the intensity and the detailed way Anne Rice writes. 

Again,there are a LOT of very strange things happening and described in that book but it's still the best erotica series I've ever read.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> You ladies do realize that if it as a man on here, asking what type of porn he could watch to get more in the mood for his wife...that we'd be stringing him up...?
> 
> ;p


You know I wouldn't  lol but yes many many would! :iagree:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> You ladies do realize that if it as a man on here, asking what type of porn he could watch to get more in the mood for his wife...that we'd be stringing him up...?
> 
> ;p


My husband tries to compare romance novels to porn and honestly I just don't see it. It's a BOOK. But yes I have known a few women to get hooked on them so I guess its similar. They'd rather read about sex than actually have it. LOL


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Mavash. said:


> If you're in the middle of a stressful move while caring for young children when does he think you'll have TIME to read an actual book? LOL


Right? I did remind that this won't happen until after we're settled in.. he can stomp around all he wants about my even lower than normal sex drive this week. But I do try to understand his more than likely increase over the stress too... Either that or he's watching porn secretly again.. which increases his drive.. doubtful, most likely stress.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I wouldn't mind at all if my husband wanted to read erotica...better than watching that crappy mainstream porn, anyway. But he's too LAZY!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If i had caught my exSO chillin reading erotica,my thong would have been around my ankles immediately something so awesome about a man reading a kinky book.i can't explain it


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I wouldn't mind at all if my husband wanted to read erotica...better than watching that crappy mainstream porn, anyway. But he's too LAZY!


Unless it has pictures my husband won't read. I knew one man that read romance novels. I'd chat with him at the pool (our boys were friends) and see the titles. LOL


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

CandieGirl said:


> You ladies do realize that if it as a man on here, asking what type of porn he could watch to get more in the mood for his wife...that we'd be stringing him up...?
> 
> ;p


Even if his wife suggests it?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> My husband tries to compare romance novels to porn and honestly I just don't see it. It's a BOOK. But yes I have known a few women to get hooked on them so I guess its similar. They'd rather read about sex than actually have it. LOL


There really is no comparison, IMHO. That's just the excuse (some) men use to justify their own porn use. I've even heard it compared with that TV series about vampires...seriously? That's 'women's porn'?

I love reading erotica; but reading allows you to visualize your own scenarios, not the trashy-blonde-tanned-with-implants-porn the guys are all watching. There's no comparison. My own imagination is much hotter


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Even if his wife suggests it?


The wife suggesting it is usually the exception to the rule, at least from what I see on TAM. I'd rather my husband read and use his own imagination. But that's another topic altogether!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> My husband tries to compare romance novels to porn and honestly I just don't see it. It's a BOOK. But yes I have known a few women to get hooked on them so I guess its similar. They'd rather read about sex than actually have it. LOL


Some women object to their husbands watching porn because they fear it gives him unrealistic expectations. Romance novels could do the same. 

In real life most of us guys are not independantly wealthy CEO's of our own companies with plenty of time to fly our paramours to exotic locales and feed them exotic cuisine at 5 star restaurants. :scratchhead:


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Cherry said:


> H suggests I get 50 shades to help turn me on? My suggestion is we wait for this move to be over.. he's complaining we're down to 1/week. Stress kills my libido.. it increases his apparently. I don't think 1/week is unfair, but I'll entertain his suggestion... Will 50 shades get me turn me on? A gf of mine suggested it to me a while back.. said it does wonders for her marriage. Just ne er checked it out.


I guess it would depend on what your tastes are. The book is poorly written for sure, but some women find the Christian Greys of the world to be wildly attractive and the writing doesn't get in the way of that.

I don't understand it myself. There's nothing there for a male reader to respect, but then, the book wasn't written for a male audience.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Some women object to their husbands watching porn because they fear it gives him unrealistic expectations. Romance novels could do the same.
> 
> In real life most of us guys are not independantly wealthy CEO's of our own companies with plenty of time to fly our paramours to exotic locales and feed them exotic cuisine at 5 start restaurants. :scratchhead:


It wouldn't turn me on to read about that kind of romance.. not realistic for me either


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

lol i still keep thinking about what a flimsy female character the author created.it makes women look so pathetic and sad to me when they gobble that sh*t up.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

SB, I know what you mean...and the male main character isn't much better, either. The whole series is crap. The ladies I work with have gobbled it all up...they even went out and all bought matching handcuff-earings. What wild women.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> SB, I know what you mean...and the male main character isn't much better, either. The whole series is crap. The ladies I work with have gobbled it all up...they even went out and all bought matching handcuff-earings. What wild women.


tell them 1986 called and demanded the return of their earrings.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Have him give you a long, sensual massage with coconut oil. When you are more relaxed and can let go of the stress for a little while, you will be more easily aroused.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lovesherman said:


> Have him give you a long, sensual massage with coconut oil. When you are more relaxed and can let go of the stress for a little while, you will be more easily aroused.


I really think that works.. but I feel selfish because he'd have to do it every time he wants sex.. I'm trying to work on coming onto him.. I use to.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Cherry said:


> I really think that works.. but I feel selfish because he'd have to do it every time he wants sex.. I'm trying to work on coming onto him.. I use to.


when i was married,i stopped coming onto my H bc it became a power play of sorts somehow.His ego became intolerable when I was doing the come ons. i began to feel unsafe so i stopped initiating.

that's just me though. not saying that's what's going on with you. I more or less just want you to understand there can be other feelings at play when you arent a big initiator of sexy time.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> that's just me though. not saying that's what's going on with you. I more or less just want you to understand there can be other feelings at play when you arent a big initiator of sexy time.


I know, but I did use to initiate.. before and during my pregnancy.. I had quite the drive and he reciprocated well. Like him, I do miss that. I need to get over the feeling that he's trying to "trick" me into 100% falling in love with him... I'm there, I certainly want to.. I know its trust that's blocking it and he is trying. I wonder how long a con man tries to con before they actually fall in love?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Perhaps it's merely coincidental, but I bought my wife the book and things have improved in our sex life. She finished it and didn't give it a great review, but she is now about halfway through the second volume. 

We had that 'talk' and I voiced my opinion about the infrequency and that she is never in the mood. Giving credit when it is due, she admitted that she should try harder and took some of my suggestions. She began using a DHEA supplement, tried Yohimbe Bark (had to stop because it kept her up all night, gave her the shakes and made her vomit) and has been open to a lot of new things. 

So 50 Shades kind of spurned all of this on. If it can act as a springboard to improving our overall sex life, then it did its job.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Have him give you a long, sensual massage with coconut oil. *When you are more relaxed and can let go of the stress for a little while, you will be more easily aroused.*


:iagree:

That is of the basics of lovemaking.
Stress is a libido killer for both male & female.

Sensual massages, soapy massages with scented body wash works wonders, at least for my wife.
All that is needed is to set the right atmosphere.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> That is of the basics of lovemaking.
> Stress is a libido killer for both male & female.
> ...


He would do that any night I want.. if it meant he'd get laid . I've never been one for all that, but I certainly enjoy it on occasion. I miss the spontaneity that I had when I used to drink though. We have had opportunities for me to pounce on him because I'm "horny".. that just doesn't happen.. last time was when we watched a porn flick together the night before.. and I suggested a nooner the next day.. that was about six months ago.. not sure what really bad thing has happened, but I saw a spark.. it just fizzled again, but my H didn't do anything to "cause" it this time. Just hoping to stir something up after the move.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Have him give you a long, sensual massage with coconut oil. When you are more relaxed and can let go of the stress for a little while, you will be more easily aroused.


This....but massage oil. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

So what you are trying to do is to figure out what arouses you. Alcohol does it, but that is now out of the question, and that is indeed a good thing. Is your desire responsive to your husband's initiation attempts? Can you start things knowing that you will become aroused once he does what you like in foreplay? Have you tried any sex games or role-playing? Different positions or places in the house? The brain is the most important sexual organ, so you need to ask yourself how you become aroused.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lovesherman said:


> So what you are trying to do is to figure out what arouses you. Alcohol does it, but that is now out of the question, and that is indeed a good thing. Is your desire responsive to your husband's initiation attempts? Can you start things knowing that you will become aroused once he does what you like in foreplay? Have you tried any sex games or role-playing? Different positions or places in the house? The brain is the most important sexual organ, so you need to ask yourself how you become aroused.


Yes, I easily get aroused after several mins.. its the whole leading up to and just getting going.. I can't shut my mind off and just go with the moment at first. Alcohol made that part easy. Alcohol was my foreplay for much of my adult life and 4 years into our marriage, minus the nine months of pregnancy. My H is the first guy I've been with sober since I started drinking real good in college, how sad is that?  and I'm 40!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Cherry said:


> Yes, I easily get aroused after several mins.. its the whole leading up to and just getting going.. I can't shut my mind off and just go with the moment at first. Alcohol made that part easy. Alcohol was my foreplay for much of my adult life and 4 years into our marriage, minus the nine months of pregnancy. My H is the first guy I've been with sober since I started drinking real good in college, how sad is that?  and I'm 40!


6 Steps to a sexy massage

And it works both ways.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

my wife was going to read this book. I told her she couldnt because it was a woman version of porn. Erotica and unacceptable. I allow her some things, forbid others. Depending on what and what for. She settled on reading a book about a kid with cancer or something instead.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

bribrius said:


> my wife was going to read this book. I told her she couldnt because it was a woman version of porn. Erotica and unacceptable. I allow her some things, forbid others. Depending on what and what for. She settled on reading a book about a kid with cancer or something instead.


Those types of books wouldn't turn me on. Whatever works for you.

This is my H's request.. in fact, he'd prefer I watch porn.. but I struggle personally with the morals of the whole porn thing. Just trying to find something to warm me up like alcohol did for nearly 2 decades.


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