# The Facebook Fuss - Frustrated Friendships?



## pathwaystherapy

Is facebook complicating relationships? Many are connecting online with old friends, distant family, and unfortunately at times old flames. Problem is, these relationships are not in 'real' time they are virtual relationships, ones maintained and fostered online.

I spoke to a few individuals recently and one person in particular did sheepishly admit to me that she intentionally posts pictures on her Facebook for accolades and praise of others. She feels that she still does not measure up and wants to show the world, mainly friends, that she is valuable and she does have a decent life. We went on to process during the discussion that it is more about her proving to herself she is valuable and hiding behind putting it up to 'simply' share with others. Now, don't mistake, not all Facebookers are emotionally underdeveloped but this great networking tool can be a haven for such persons. The profile photo is one such indicator. Have you noticed the men and women that have near-glamour shots for their profile image? We are not talking about an image with their spouse or one of them with their kids but a photo of them in a 'hey-look-at-me-i-am-so-beautiful' kind of photos. If you are a social networker I caution you to be aware of your networking time and don't develop and foster a sense of core-Self based on trite comments online or simpleton surveys people create. Instead, use social networking to build your relationships and catch up and stay connected; remember to ensure you are not shying away from what is key, physical real time human relationships.   Elizabeth Bernstein recently wrote an article that hit home with me and I resonated with similar sentiments in her article on WallStreet Journals online site, Business News & Financial News - The Wall Street Journal - WSJ.com. Here is a small piece of her article that captures the essence of what she offered that I felt compelled to include in this article. "Like many people, I'm experiencing Facebook Fatigue. I'm tired of loved ones-you know who you are-who claim they are too busy to pick up the phone, or even write a decent email, yet spend hours on social-media sites, uploading photos of their children or parties, forwarding inane quizzes, posting quirky, sometimes nonsensical one-liners or tweeting their latest whereabouts. ("Anyone know a good restaurant in Berlin?")" 

She couldn't of said it better. My individuals that didn't really develop a core Self earlier in their development are using Facebook to support their underdeveloped ego and esteem. She was right on the mark in her article at WallStreet Journal's online site. If you're a facebooker, ensure you keep your primary relationships 'real-time' and avoid the virtual world of connecting except for occasional updates and photo exchanges.  

Copyright: No part of this article in section or full may be reproduced without permission from the author Justin Stum, MS LMFT. The one and only exception is for educational purposes and only if the contact information below for the author is fully cited here in article.

Justin Stum, MS LMFT, 321 Mall Drive Suite I-101, St. George Utah 84790  435-986-1777, www.pathwaystherapy.net


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## Jayg14

This describes what my stbxw does. She's on Facebook ALL of the time. That's where she reconnected with the OM that was part of the reason for our impending divorce. In the future I will not be with someone who's on Facebook constantly.


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## Twiceshy

I love Facebook - and am on it quite a bit... but it can be very harmful to a relationship when one spouse blocks another and carries on in very "unmarried" ways. ALmost anything can be ruined when misused... and the internet as wonderful as it is- makes it so easy~


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## BigToe

All social networks provide temptation, opportunity, and anonymity. In the old days you'd have to risk meeting someone someplace and hope nobody you knew would see you.


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## SimplyAmorous

I think if you have total transparency in your marraige, and willingly share near EVERYTHING with the other- just cause you genuinely WANT too -after all -this gives us something to talk about every day, then Facebook is just another Joy of life & not a threat. Me & my husband both have it, we know each others passwords & always talk about anything that happend on there to the other, the funny things we read, who we chat with, what our college aged son is up too, catching any new pics of him, we share it all. 

I check it nearly every day, but hardly ever use it - no interest in the games & seems silly to post everything you are doing all day long, none of my friends lives are that interesting, and mine surely is not. I prefer anonymous forums much more so. I Do have a ton of pics on mine - Photograghy is a BIG hobby of mine, and yeah, tons of pics of the kids , friends & my family. I rarely post on my wall, maybe 10 times a year- if that. I enjoy the network -for seeing what others are up too, looking at others pics, that about sums it up. 

It has never been a harming factor in our marraige in any way


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## FirstYearDown

My husband does not have FB. I love it, because it has helped me reconnect with old friends and family. He has never asked to see my page, but if my hubby wanted to look at my FB profile, I would have no issues with that. I have absolutely nothing to hide.

I can't imagine sharing EVERYTHING with my husband. Even in marriage, some people still need some degree of private space. I will always keep a journal and I would be livid if he read it. I do not open hubby's mail, nor do I eavesdrop on his rare phone conversations.


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## that_girl

THANK GOD my husband has never been into online networking sites.

I don't use it other than to chat with close female friends.


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## Separated79

Facebook will soon be forgotten when something is going to come up that is much better than it.:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous

FirstYearDown said:


> I can't imagine sharing EVERYTHING with my husband. Even in marriage, some people still need some degree of private space. I will always keep a journal and I would be livid if he read it. I do not open hubby's mail, nor do I eavesdrop on his rare phone conversations.


I understand others are different. I really do. We likely are VERY ODD in the scheme of normal marraiges. But it really IS our way, our desire to BE this OPEN. I feel it has given us a very successful marriage, neither of us has ever felt pressured, or the other was invading thier space, nothing like that, we both love that the other is interested & wants to be near and share. Again, I know that sounds ODD. 

My husband is not a man who needs his "CAVE", his private time, it is a rarity I am sure in men. We have talked about this, I told him he is STRANGE in this way, Not like other men. But I love that about him. There is nothing he cares to keep from me, and nothing I care to keep from him. Very little offends us either, we are not bent out of shape if he looks at a sexy woman and I catch a glimpse of a hot guy on the beach, for us, that is just human nature, not a slap in the face to our love for each other in any way. He calls me a dirty old woman and I call him a dirty old man. It's all good 

I started 2 journals, one for our family & one just for "US", I guess I look at this differently, I see no me, I only see "US". I would be happy if he wanted to read that, but I tell him so much I put in there, he has no reason to go there. He already knows! 

We would think nothng of looking at each other's mail, his mail is my mail , or being in the room when the other is on the phone- always. We have guy friends that call me to talk sometimes (I am more of a talker of the 2 of us), because I am the way I am, he has no worry what so ever if I talk to these friends. There is no room for suspicion. It is one of the things he loves about me that gives him the most TRUST. He wants that. And I want it in return as well. I've never questioned him on anything where he has given me the slightest "push back" -that he is seeking privacy from me. EVER , and we've been together now 22 yrs married plus 8 dating. 

Again, maybe RARE -but it works beautifully for us. We are a PERFECT match in this respect.  I'd NEVER find another like him, this I am sure. I will hold him extra tight tonight!


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## FirstYearDown

No need to justify your choices to me, SA. Sharing everything clearly makes both of you happy, which is completely healthy. :smthumbup:


We choose to maintain a few boundaries, so that we can each maintain our independence and autonomy...such awareness makes it even sweeter when we share decisions and events.


Every couple has their own unique way of interacting. None of them are wrong, just different.


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## nice777guy

that_girl said:


> THANK GOD my husband has never been into online networking sites.
> 
> I don't use it other than to chat with close female friends.


Sorry - not meaning to pick on you personally - but that's a big part of the problem with FB.

One day, a guy comes along - and it only takes one guy - who catches your interest. Then, you spend the same amount of time chatting, but just less time with the girls. And to your Hubby - it all looks the same.

Facebook - iPhones - they make it easier to conceal inappropriate behaviors - especially when one spouse is willing to take advantage of the other's trust.


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## that_girl

It wasn't the people I was connecting with (no EA's, exes, etc...just female friends) but it was the TIME SUCK that Facebook caused. I was addicted. It was crazy.


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## that_girl

nice777guy said:


> Sorry - not meaning to pick on you personally - but that's a big part of the problem with FB.
> 
> *One day, a guy comes along - and it only takes one guy - who catches your interest. Then, you spend the same amount of time chatting, but just less time with the girls. And to your Hubby - it all looks the same.*
> 
> Facebook - iPhones - they make it easier to conceal inappropriate behaviors - especially when one spouse is willing to take advantage of the other's trust.


Connect with whom? LOL I don't accept friendships from people I don't know and I don't look for anyone. 

I honestly have 40 friends (most of those are family) and I normally just post pics of my cute kids  , or chat with other moms who have had a long day 

No men, besides my brothers and with that, it's not often we chat.


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## nice777guy

that_girl said:


> Connect with whom? LOL I don't accept friendships from people I don't know and I don't look for anyone.
> 
> I honestly have 40 friends (most of those are family) and I normally just post pics of my cute kids  , or chat with other moms who have had a long day
> 
> No men, besides my brothers and with that, it's not often we chat.


That's great.

I was really, truly just sitting here, wondering how people used to have affairs in the "old" days! Back when you had to either use the "home phone" to call people, or even leave the house to talk to other people. Must have been a lot more work!

But the time suck you referred to above should be a big red flag on its own that there might be issues. If you'd rather play farmville than spend time with hubby, you are vulnerable - right?


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## TimeHeals

nice777guy said:


> If you'd rather play farmville than spend time with hubby, you are vulnerable - right?


Vulnerable to what exactly? Taking her husband for granted?

From what she described, she has pretty sound boundaries regarding male friendships on that social networking site.

No male BFFs that she is busily sharing her deepest thoughts with into the wee hours of the night, so what is she supposed to be vulnerable to doing?


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## nice777guy

TimeHeals said:


> Vulnerable to what exactly? Taking her husband for granted?
> 
> From what she described, she has pretty sound boundaries regarding male friendships on that social networking site.
> 
> No male BFFs that she is busily sharing her deepest thoughts with into the wee hours of the night, so what is she supposed to be vulnerable to doing?


First - to clarify - I don't know her story. Said above "not meaning to pick on you..." Speaking in general terms.

If your marriage can be overtaken by fake farming, its vulnerable to a lot of different things.

Or - even if you spend more time talking to family or girlfriends - on facebook - it could be an issue if your H (or wife) feels they aren't getting enough quality time with their spouse. 

A spouse with too much free time who is feeling a bit neglected is not a good thing.


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## that_girl

nice777guy said:


> That's great.
> 
> I was really, truly just sitting here, wondering how people used to have affairs in the "old" days! Back when you had to either use the "home phone" to call people, or even leave the house to talk to other people. Must have been a lot more work!
> 
> But the time suck you referred to above should be a big red flag on its own that there might be issues. If you'd rather play farmville than spend time with hubby, you are vulnerable - right?


I had an affair in the "old days" lolll it was very easy.


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## nice777guy

that_girl said:


> I had an affair in the "old days" lolll it was very easy.


You should write a book!

But of course no one would believe you!!!


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## nice777guy

mommy22 said:


> NG, I agree. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with social networking sites (obviously... AHEM... tam...). However, there must be boundaries and, IMO, transparency. Do I tell my husband my every move before I make it? Of course not. But it's all open for him to see whenever he wants.
> 
> In terms of facebook specifically, I completely agree that it can open you up to certain things if you aren't guarded. I had two different instances in my short lived time on facebook. In one instance, a guy from high school friended me. He sent me a pm that was totally inappropriate. I told my hubby about it and blocked him. Another guy friended me and did the same. I told him that my husband was sitting right there reading what he'd just written to me. He went through the roof as though I'd betrayed HIM by sharing a message with my husband.
> 
> I don't think that's the norm with facebook but it happens. Boundaries have to be in place. We make it a point each evening to put up our phones and computers to spend time together. Otherwise, like you say, hubby would be bonding with phone games while I ban people on TAM (Just kidding--maybe  ).


So - ummm...whatcha wearin?


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## nice777guy

mommy22 said:


> such a pot stirrer!:rofl:


And you are obviously nothing but a tease!


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## allisterfiend

With recent events, my wife and i have been having some problems. And I notice she is on FB alot lately. So I decided to check out her profile and all of a sudden she has recently adden 6 guys as "friends"

Am I suspicous? yes. So I asked who some of the names were. Talk about defensive. 

We were talking untill I asked why if she claims to be dedicated to working things out is she all of a sudden connecting with new guys.

I have a FB page but its only to see what is going on behind my back. call me paranoid, but just cause your paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you.

This hurts.


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## nice777guy

allisterfiend said:


> With recent events, my wife and i have been having some problems. And I notice she is on FB alot lately. So I decided to check out her profile and all of a sudden she has recently adden 6 guys as "friends"
> 
> Am I suspicous? yes. So I asked who some of the names were. Talk about defensive.
> 
> We were talking untill I asked why if she claims to be dedicated to working things out is she all of a sudden connecting with new guys.
> 
> I have a FB page but its only to see what is going on behind my back. call me paranoid, but just cause your paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you.
> 
> This hurts.


I'm friends with a lot of women myself and I can truly say that I've "behaved." But I still look back and see FB as the beginning of the end. The end may have come anyway - but I still think FB made it all much easier.


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## allisterfiend

nice777guy said:


> I'm friends with a lot of women myself and I can truly say that I've "behaved." But I still look back and see FB as the beginning of the end. The end may have come anyway - but I still think FB made it all much easier.


I know one thing, FB sure doesn't help.


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## nice777guy

Its a baaad, baaad place!


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## kekel1123

Yes it is, and you can say that AGAIN!


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## that_girl

I love Facebook.

I chat with my girl friends before our husbands get home.

We chat while we're cooking dinner (before hubs get home).

We vent about our whiny kids! LOL

I post pics of my kids for my mom and family and friends to see.

Facebook is what you make it. The program isn't bad, some the users just misuse it.


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## nice777guy

Its kind of like saying - "Guns don't kill people - people kill people."

Yes - but if I - as a person - wanted to kill someone - I would likely look for a gun.


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## allisterfiend

nice777guy said:


> Yes - but if I - as a person - wanted to kill someone - I would likely look for a gun.


I work part time in a gun store. But I do agree with you and why does That Girl get on Facebook while her h is not home? My wife told me to stay off her facebook page so I locked it out of our computer. Now no one gets to go on it which is fine by be.

Give a man a match and he will be warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.


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## that_girl

allisterfiend said:


> I work part time in a gun store. But I do agree with you and why does That Girl get on Facebook while her h is not home? My wife told me to stay off her facebook page so I locked it out of our computer. Now no one gets to go on it which is fine by be.
> 
> Give a man a match and he will be warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.


:rofl:

Oooh I'm on facebook when my husband isn't home! OH EFFNG NO!

It's because I am cleaning, helping with homework and dealing with my household so I can take a few breaks to chat with friends about our day and our kids, what's for dinner, etc. 

When our husbands get home, we devote our time to them, NOT the computer or other people. I serve him dinner (he gets home around 8pm) and we talk and hang out. (I used to be on the computer when he got home and it was lame. We said NO computer/games when the other is home unless the other is ok with it and/or busy with something else). If he wanted to see my page, I don't give a crap. It's just how I connect with my friends (who are all out of state). Moms need to talk to other moms for our own sanity. To me, it's no different than my mom who would be on the phone with the neighbor before the husbands got home. They would chat and cook and clean...whatever. Then dad would get home and the phone was hung up. Big deal. Women talk. 


Stop being so god damn suspicious of everyone. Holy shet.


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## nice777guy

that_girl said:


> Moms need to talk to other moms for our own sanity. To me, it's no different than my mom who would be on the phone with the neighbor before the husbands got home. They would chat and cook and clean...whatever. Then dad would get home and the phone was hung up. Big deal. Women talk.


Yeah - and then - later - when dad was home and the phone rang - and he'd pick it up - and they would hang up...just like they did the last three nights. Dad thought it was weird - but he had a lot on his mind - and Mom was still in her nightgown. What could she be doing wrong?

And then it would ring again - and mom would take the chord and stretch it into the corner - and whisper under her breath for about a minute. And you - the innocent child - would ask who she was talking to - and she'd stammer out some LIE about AUNT Ruth. "BUT Mom - there IS no AUNT RUTH!"

And it least one of these "mom" friends has a hard-working man who had to stay late one night this week. After she got off from chatting with you - she clicked on the profile of some old unemployed friend from college that she KNEW had the hots for her. She started chatting - dropping hints about being bored and needing adventure! But now - Mom doesn't have to lie about some fake Aunt that WE ALL knew didn't even exist. Mom's just "on facebook."

Except THEN Mom hits the "Alt-tab" keys and pops over to some video chat thing that she has going on the side! No chords to stretch now - MOM'S WIRELESS! She can even take her phone into a public BATHROOM and play - ON CAM! WITH FIVE GUYS AT ONCE!

Whew!

Just a possible example of course. Even though 50% of marriages end in divorce - I'm sure all of OUR friends will be just fine!!!


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## that_girl

Actually no.

One of my friends has an awesome husband and she's pregnant with baby #4.

Another friend has a cheating husband...so I lend my ear for her to vent.

Another friend is just fun to chat with about our kids. Her husband is usually home when we're chatting but he's studying to be a mortician so he's busy.

Sorry you have cheating spouses, but I'm not one of them. Stop making everything seem so shady. F8ck.

I don't give a crap what my friends do what they aren't chatting with me. I can't control them. I only control myself. Please don't insinuate that I use FB to cheat.


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## nice777guy

that_girl said:


> Actually no.
> 
> One of my friends has an awesome husband and she's pregnant with baby #4.
> 
> Another friend has a cheating husband...so I lend my ear for her to vent.
> 
> Another friend is just fun to chat with about our kids. Her husband is usually home when we're chatting but he's studying to be a mortician so he's busy.
> 
> Sorry you have cheating spouses, but I'm not one of them. Stop making everything seem so shady. F8ck.
> 
> I don't give a crap what my friends do what they aren't chatting with me. I can't control them. I only control myself. Please don't insinuate that I use FB to cheat.


Sorry - got a bit carried away.

Never meant to insinuate anything about you personally.

And of course I don't know your GF's.

But its easy to get jaded sometimes. When 50% of marriages end in divorce - when you come here and realize how common it is for a marriage of 15+ years to go down the toilet - its easy to get jaded.

My parents never cheated - that I'm aware of. My mother died at 53 - so they were able to actually do the "til death do you part" thing. So - until I was 39 - cheating and divorce were about as real as Star Wars in MY little world. They were things you saw in movies - or that happened to "other" people.

Again - sorry if my little rant offended anyone - just blowing off steam. Thought I made it crazy enough - and I'm truly hoping no one actually has an imaginary "Aunt Ruthie"!


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## that_girl

My parents divorced. No cheating though. My bio dad was a druggy. My stepdad was ok...my mom is just very nutso. lollll.

I understand how people can get jaded...I just don't like people questioning why I'm on FB when my husband isn't home. Wtf? Like I'm doing something dirty. lollll I have nothing to hide. If you knew my friends, you'd say they're good women. We don't even talk about our husbands. They've never heard me say a bad word about him-- ever. Not even through our separation.

What I'm saying is this--- one's situation not ALL situations. To read into something innocent will cause problems in every future relationship one has.

For those who have been cheated on, I am truly sorry for the struggle you are going through. I can't even imagine and I'm sorry you feel the way you do.

But please know there are good women/men in the world that do not use FB to cheat, etc. Just because your spouse did, doesn't mean ALL spouses do.

Would I mind if my husband went on my FB? No. I'd wonder why he'd want to as he's never been interested before. It would be out of character for him so I'd wonder why the "no trust" all of a sudden.

And I think the "no trust" issue is way bigger than FB.


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## that_girl

50% of marriages end in divorce, yes. But not all divorces are because of cheating.


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## nice777guy

tg - two "quick" responses

I know there are plenty of honest people on FB as I (so far) have been one of them.

And #2 - not all marriages which involve cheating end in divorce...just something else to chew on.


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## that_girl

Also, moms do need to talk/vent about their days. There are things husbands do not want to hear or care about. Other moms "get it" and it's better than always *****ing to our men lol.

My husband is at work all day talking to other adults.

I am at work all day talking to children. Then I go home and talk to children. I need my girl friends...I don't go out with them, as they live in other states, we just chat after work.


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## that_girl

nice777guy said:


> tg - two "quick" responses
> 
> I know there are plenty of honest people on FB as I (so far) have been one of them.
> 
> And #2 - not all marriages which involve cheating end in divorce...just something else to chew on.


Ya. So...cheating is cheating. Doesn't mean divorce. gotcha.


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## SimplyAmorous

I have always been way more addicted to anonymous forums- of all differnt subjects. Facebook is very boring in comparison-for me. Everyone is so guarded to what they post -as to not offend generally , so many sunshine & rainbow posts, and endless scripture quotations on mine anyway. 

I look for the posts that are a little more out of the box to add a comment. 

I'd rather go where people say it like it is, let it all hang out, find some controversy to sink my teeth into, even if we don't know who we are tallking too, it is way more interesting !


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## nice777guy

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have always been way more addicted to anonymous forums- of all differnt subjects. Facebook is very boring in comparison-for me. Everyone is so guarded to what they post -as to not offend generally , so many sunshine & rainbow posts, and endless scripture quotations on mine anyway.
> 
> I look for the posts that are a little more out of the box to add a comment.
> 
> I'd rather go where people say it like it is, let it all hang out, find some controversy to sink my teeth into, even if we don't know who we are tallking too, it is way more interesting !


I've been leaning on FB a lot more as the divorce looms closer. I try not to get too serious - and I also don't rant about my divorce or my STBX.

I'll see a scripture quote once in a while - but its mostly song lyrics and quotes from movies on my page!

And - of course - pics of everyone's kids!

But that's part of the problem - part of why it seems so harmless. There's also that little chat button!


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## Trenton

I've used facebook for so much goodness it's not even funny. It's a wonderful tool if you use it properly. I have never even considered using it as a cheating tool. My husband has FB and we're "friends" but he's not very into it. For a social monster like me, it's like candy. I enjoy stalking people randomly and seeing what they choose to post about themselves. 

NG why are we not Facebook friends?! That_girl, you too! Why oh why have I not had the honor of stalking both of you yet?


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## nice777guy

Trenton said:


> I've used facebook for so much goodness it's not even funny. It's a wonderful tool if you use it properly. I have never even considered using it as a cheating tool. My husband has FB and we're "friends" but he's not very into it. For a social monster like me, it's like candy. I enjoy stalking people randomly and seeing what they choose to post about themselves.
> 
> NG why are we not Facebook friends?! That_girl, you too! Why oh why have I not had the honor of stalking both of you yet?


I'm married - and apparently not supposed to talk to women...

 :scratchhead: 

:rofl:


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## Caligyrl

that_girl said:


> It wasn't the people I was connecting with (no EA's, exes, etc...just female friends) but it was the TIME SUCK that Facebook caused. I was addicted. It was crazy.


Yep!! If you look at my thread in the Addiction board, you will see my problem is based mostly on the time spent on Facebook. Which, by the way, he is still on as we speak!

Facebook is clearly the NUMBER ONE REASON FOR DIVORCE IN THIS COUNTRY TODAY!


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## FirstYearDown

I doubt that FB is the main cause of divorce. 

It all depends on how couples use it. TG and I don't do anything on FB that we would have to hide from our hubbies.


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## Kurosity

Face Book is finding its self in a lot of on line divorce filing. I have watched friends of mine "break up" on fb and seen the nasty fall out all out there for everyone to see. 

I hate that people act like it is real life and take every comment made as a jab at them. I have seen so many comment fights between friends it is stupid.

Face Book has created another form of zombie. I notice the cell phone zombies everywhere in a crowded room, dancing, shopping, and anywhere else, all with real live people right there and they are on their phone most likely updating fb about how much fun they are having or who they are with or whatever. Really??? there are breathing people right next to you to talk to so put down your dang phone!!!!!

I do facebook and actually check it daily. It has replaced my email as a means to talk with distant relitives that are out of state or country when calling just is not an option. 
I think it is about boundaries as far as keeping it from blasting your relationship apart and thoes that use it to boost their self up in the eyes of others "I have great car, tons of friends, go to amazing places." or whatever all I can say is your bathroom mirrior pictures are so annoying. Hand the camera over to someone else please. (or at least clean your bathroom up first)


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## shy_guy

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have always been way more addicted to anonymous forums- of all differnt subjects. Facebook is very boring in comparison-for me. Everyone is so guarded to what they post -as to not offend generally , so many sunshine & rainbow posts, and endless scripture quotations on mine anyway.
> 
> I look for the posts that are a little more out of the box to add a comment.
> 
> I'd rather go where people say it like it is, let it all hang out, find some controversy to sink my teeth into, even if we don't know who we are tallking too, it is way more interesting !


True, and TAM could very easily become a problem for me ... it occupies my mind a lot even when I'm not here, and getting in the way of brain cycles I should be spending at work. It's been great for the homelife, but I can see that it can become a drain on other things. Time for me to evaulate and regulate carefully ...


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

fb= :FIREdevil:



:BoomSmilie_anim: facebook


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## Caligyrl

FirstYearDown said:


> I doubt that FB is the main cause of divorce.
> 
> It all depends on how couples use it. TG and I don't do anything on FB that we would have to hide from our hubbies.


OK...so not to split hairs...Facebook is the "Market Leader" in divorce for lawyers in this country today.

Facebook a top cause of relationship trouble, say US lawyers | Technology | The Guardian


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## SimplyAmorous

shy_guy said:


> True, and TAM could very easily become a problem for me ... it occupies my mind a lot even when I'm not here, and getting in the way of brain cycles I should be spending at work. It's been great for the homelife, but I can see that it can become a drain on other things. Time for me to evaulate and regulate carefully ...


Ha ha , I am glad I am not the only one, Probably good I don't have an important Job. I've noticed even on an exciting (jam packed) family vacation, like Disney world.... I would be thinking ....hmmmm gotta check TAM - like I was having withdrawl , and literally had to hop online & check the latest questions here late at night....when I should be sleeping. Kinda silly when you think about it. 

I've always had an addicting personality to certain things. Never drank, smoke, gambled or been a compulsive shopper anyway.... I do happen to see this as more harmless, but we can all get addicted to something, can't we!? Forums and anything amorous seems to be my biggest hangups. 

For a time, I was somewhat of an Ebay fanatic -that cost me more $$, this has helped me keep more in my pocket anyhow...


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## allisterfiend

Amen!! To facebook being the number 1 cause of divorce!


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## In_The_Wind

have yall seen the latest news story about potential employers asking job interviewees for their facebook passwords glad i dont facebook sounds a little orwellian to me


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## nice777guy

In_The_Wind said:


> have yall seen the latest news story about potential employers asking job interviewees for their facebook passwords glad i dont facebook sounds a little orwellian to me


Have heard about this - but I don't see how that is legal - given that prospective employers can't ask direct questions about age, political affiliations, religion, etc, etc...


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## alone_not_lonely

nice777guy said:


> If your marriage can be overtaken by fake farming, its vulnerable to a lot of different things.


Apart from the lack of accountability Facebook tends to provide people with the feeling of these days (with people tending to feel entitled to say whatever they want about whomever and expect not to be held responsible- cyber bullying especially being my main issue), this is my other big issue caused by Facebook addiction. People who are able bodied are playing things like farmville... why not get out and grow a REAL garden?? No space? No problem! There has got to be a community project garden needing someone to tend to it somewhere.
Too much emphasis and time placed into being online when the real world is out there.


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## alone_not_lonely

Although in saying that, i would MUCH prefer it if people disregard that advice in regards to mafia wars...keep that online


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## heavensangel

Facebook - iPhones - they make it easier to conceal inappropriate behaviors - especially when one spouse is willing to take advantage of the other's trust

Agree, agree, agree!!! We (H & I) don't do FB, and never will. We have cell phones, that are PHONES. If my 'friends' want to communicate with me, there's a phone (home & cell) and email. If they don't have the info to contact me through them, then they're really not my 'friends' anyway. 

Something that's sad to me........going to a restaurant, or anywhere for that matter, and seeing a family where they each have & are on their own iphone - yes they're in that location together, but in every essence of the word, they're not TOGETHER. These devices, social networks, etc., are ruining the 'personal' side of relationships. 

Since FB, the divorce rate has escalated immensely.


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## FirstYearDown

I still maintain that a device or social media website, can only ruin a marriage if the couple allows it. 

I got rid of my Blackberry because it was too expensive and I was hooked on it. When my husband comes home in the evening or when we are hanging out together, I come off the computer out of respect for him. He politely asked me to pay more attention when he is home and wanting to interact with me, which is completely reasonable.


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## Caligyrl

FirstYearDown said:


> I still maintain that a device or social media website, can only ruin a marriage if the couple allows it.
> 
> I got rid of my Blackberry because it was too expensive and I was hooked on it. When my husband comes home in the evening or when we are hanging out together, I come off the computer out of respect for him. He politely asked me to pay more attention when he is home and wanting to interact with me, which is completely reasonable.


Of course one of the parties allow it-or it wouldn't be skyrocketing to the top of the divorce reasons. 
The main problem is the offending spouse replaces the other with Facebook. Whether innocent or not, the time and attention paid to that damn computer and the neglect of the other-they begin to resent every time the spouse sits down.


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## shy_guy

nice777guy said:


> Sorry - not meaning to pick on you personally - but that's a big part of the problem with FB.
> 
> One day, a guy comes along - and it only takes one guy - who catches your interest. Then, you spend the same amount of time chatting, but just less time with the girls. And to your Hubby - it all looks the same.
> 
> Facebook - iPhones - they make it easier to conceal inappropriate behaviors - especially when one spouse is willing to take advantage of the other's trust.


I'm going to have to disagree with the sentiment I think I hear. Technology makes new ways to communicate and do so more efficiently, but it does not change who a person is. If a person was needing to conceal inappropriate behavior, he/she would find a way to do it.


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## shy_guy

Caligyrl said:


> Of course one of the parties allow it-or it wouldn't be skyrocketing to the top of the divorce reasons.


First, let me challenge this assertion. I think this is becoming one of those lines that gets repeated often enough that people begin to accept it without justification. I'd like to see something of substance behind this assertion, and discuss whether or not this is even so, and whether or not any studies with such a conclusion were appropriately conducted.



Caligyrl said:


> The main problem is the offending spouse replaces the other with Facebook. Whether innocent or not, the time and attention paid to that damn computer and the neglect of the other-they begin to resent every time the spouse sits down.


I can see how this might happen, but this is not unique to computers or social networking. Like everything else, it takes open and honest communication with your spouse, and a willingness on the part of both people to correct when one spouse begins to get off balance in priorities and amount of time spent on a hobby or other social activity vs. amount of time spent with family/spouse. What do you think?


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## shy_guy

heavensangel said:


> Since FB, the divorce rate has escalated immensely.


Once again, I'm going to have to challenge these types of assertions. Do you have anything behind this assertion? If so, please put it out so we can discuss it. I see this thrown around a LOT, and I've seen no backing.


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## shy_guy

alone_not_lonely said:


> Apart from the lack of accountability Facebook tends to provide people with the feeling of these days (with people tending to feel entitled to say whatever they want about whomever and expect not to be held responsible- cyber bullying especially being my main issue), this is my other big issue caused by Facebook addiction. People who are able bodied are playing things like farmville... why not get out and grow a REAL garden?? No space? No problem! There has got to be a community project garden needing someone to tend to it somewhere.
> Too much emphasis and time placed into being online when the real world is out there.


I will assert that online and real-world are not mutually exclusive. You like to plant a garden, so plant a garden. But does everybody need to plant a garden? My wife and I love to hike and camp, so we do just that. Does that mean everybody needs to hike and camp? What about our skiing? Kite-surfing? Other hobbies we have?

But then on facebook, I find a group of military guys with my old military skill who are about to get out of the military, and they are very concerned about how their skills may translate in the civilian world. They want advice on building soft skills to be successful in interviews, and tips from people who have already been there about what skills they need to build, and where they need to build them in order to be able to have a relevant job in the civilian world and thus be able to support their families when they get out. Several of us saw this as a real need, and we recognize the comeradery we had when we were in the military. We wanted to offer help to these younger guys who have the same concerns we had. We started a closed facebook group specifically for this help exchange. We have over 200 members there currently, and we share everything from job fair information to interview tips. I assert that this is participating on facebook in the real world, and giving real help to someone who needs it. Should everyone do that? No, I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that these technologies are what you make of them, and you can make use of them for real-world helpful activities.


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## shy_guy

allisterfiend said:


> Amen!! To facebook being the number 1 cause of divorce!


See above comments. Where is the backing for this sentiment?


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## shy_guy

Caligyrl said:


> OK...so not to split hairs...Facebook is the "Market Leader" in divorce for lawyers in this country today.
> 
> Facebook a top cause of relationship trouble, say US lawyers | Technology | The Guardian


In reading the article, I notice a few things:



> Even though *the rate of divorce in the US has remained largely stable in recent years,* American divorce lawyers and academics have joined Middle East analysts in picking out Facebook as a leading cause of relationship trouble, with American lawyers now demanding to see their clients' Facebook pages as a matter of course before the start of proceedings.


If facebook was the cause of the instability, why would the divorce rate stay stable? Maybe it is just a new outlet for the same behavior? Or maybe it's just that lawyers find the evidence for the activity to be more obvious on facebook, and harder to deny. The last sentence seems to indicate to me that this last one may be a big part of this. So maybe this is more a change of behavior of lawyers based on what they've learned, and not a change of behavior of married people?

I actually have to cite this next paragraph as summing up what I read in that article:



> Yet while the US media has been quick to trumpet any evidence of Facebook as the country's leading marriage-wrecker, the truth is "It's complicated," as the site's relationship status would have it.


I'm sorry, but I don't think the article you linked to supports your assertions. I think it does say that evidence that can be used in divorce can be easily obtained from facebook, but that's not saying that facebook is a market leader in divorce, and it also does not say that facebook is a leading cause of relationship problems.


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## FirstYearDown

Thank you, shy_guy. You explained a view that I share much better than I could.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

facebook is a cesspool of evilness.
i would NEVER be caught on there.
that is where all things evil congregate these days.


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## shy_guy

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> facebook is a cesspool of evilness.
> i would NEVER be caught on there.
> that is where all things evil congregate these days.


 
I think it is what you make of it. Rather than post the same thing again, may I ask you to look at post #60 on this thread - a post I made at 10:23 this morning. Do you disagree with what I stated there? Is it possible that facebook can really be a good tool, and that it is what someone makes of it?


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## SimplyAmorous

I think very much like Shy Guy on the whole Facebook Front. 

I think we all use it for some purpose more than another... I use mine mostly for sharing pictures that I take of my kids & their friends, or just other people when I am out & about...just a hobby of mine... I rarely even post on there, but I do enjoy having it ... seeing what old friends are up too -if they come to my mind that day... dropping a line. 

Even though I hardly use it, I love having it & I would never give up my FB ! My husband spends more time checking out what our oldest son is up too at College....he keeps me informed.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

shy_guy said:


> I think it is what you make of it. Rather than post the same thing again, may I ask you to look at post #60 on this thread - a post I made at 10:23 this morning. Do you disagree with what I stated there? Is it possible that facebook can really be a good tool, and that it is what someone makes of it?


evil comes in many forms.
it can be as intimidating :FIREdevil:
or as pretty :biggrinangelA:
as it wants.


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## shy_guy

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> evil comes in many forms.
> it can be as intimidating :FIREdevil:
> or as pretty :biggrinangelA:
> as it wants.


I agree with the words. The area of contention is whether or not facebook fits into one of those forms of evil. We could have the same discussion about TAM I suppose - both are just social media. They have a little different format, but the same basic ways a person could get into trouble.

With facebook, I do keep up with friends as I said and share with them. I categorize so that the friends who would occupy all my time with controversial posts can't really do that. I spend time helping people find jobs, and I share exciting times and pictures. 

I probably get more temptation through email than I do through facebook, despite all the spam and junk filters, but I can't do my job even without email. I can do my job without facebook, but I could use it for my job if I wanted - I don't (work/life balance, you know). 

At one time, women had the gossip fence and men had **** hunts. Socialization has changed a bit these days ... for that matter, even **** hunts and gossip fences were developments at one time ... I think facebook is a tool. It can be a great tool. It depends on what you choose to do with it.


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## alone_not_lonely

shy_guy said:


> I will assert that online and real-world are not mutually exclusive. You like to plant a garden, so plant a garden. But does everybody need to plant a garden? My wife and I love to hike and camp, so we do just that. Does that mean everybody needs to hike and camp? What about our skiing? Kite-surfing? Other hobbies we have?
> 
> But then on facebook, I find a group of military guys with my old military skill who are about to get out of the military, and they are very concerned about how their skills may translate in the civilian world. They want advice on building soft skills to be successful in interviews, and tips from people who have already been there about what skills they need to build, and where they need to build them in order to be able to have a relevant job in the civilian world and thus be able to support their families when they get out. Several of us saw this as a real need, and we recognize the comeradery we had when we were in the military. We wanted to offer help to these younger guys who have the same concerns we had. We started a closed facebook group specifically for this help exchange. We have over 200 members there currently, and we share everything from job fair information to interview tips. I assert that this is participating on facebook in the real world, and giving real help to someone who needs it. Should everyone do that? No, I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that these technologies are what you make of them, and you can make use of them for real-world helpful activities.


No, of course no one NEEDS to do anything like that  It just irks me that these things are such a time suck, and people who might get so much enjoyment out of the real thing, spend it in front of a computer screen... for. hours. on. end.
Of course Facebook only provides these time wasters to people, and I do recognise that it is what people make of it. By no means (as I said, I find that FB leaves people feeling like they can take no blame or reponsibility for a lot of things) am I saying that it is the fault of a social media site that these people spend hours on it- their choice entirely, they can log off anytime. The invention of the internet has led to many wonderful things, I just don't see FB as one of the top priorities on that list. It is disappointing to think that the virtual world is taking so much away from reality.

And yes, what you are providing people with is helpful, no question about that. But it also could have possibly been done on another media, so you're not getting any kudos directed to Facebook from me yet  You guys take the cake for that.

In saying that I do recognise what good can come of it, I see so many more things I don't like come from it. I don't like they way they track your info, I don't like the way privacy laws are overhauled every 5 seconds. I don't like the way people I have no wish to contact are able to contact me. I also don't like the fact that things I would like to use or participate in are becoming harder to use or cannot be used if you are not signed in to Facebook. But I don't like or agree with it, so I just don't have an account anymore. Easy 
That, of course, doesn't mean that nobody else can.


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## Kurosity

Myspace is what got my H's first A busted. So it is just media bull that it is facebook, all social media makes the risk higher and right now face book is still the IT site, it will change eventually.
There is just so much wrong with the People using these social sites that makes them noteable as a cause to divorce and other problems like bullying. I have seen friends litterally end their friendships of years over some comment made on fb. It is like some people's brains shut off because they are safe behind the computer screen.
Hey does anyone remeber when eggs were bad for your health?? It is the media doing what they do best pushing propoganda that will make people listen and when it is a popular site they are going to "name drop" to get read and ratings. That is how it works.


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## NextTimeAround

As long as you can stand back from FB and see it as a tool, that's the best way to go.

When I had a look at the interaction between my bf and his socalled friend, I saw that over the 3 months, she had signed on his wall 15 times. A total of 21 times over 12 months......but also 5 of those 15 times over the three months were in the week that I was coming back from a 3 week trip. 

She liked commenting on his article sharing and relating everything back to her profession as a social worker. But the Friday before the Sunday I cam back, she ended her entry on my bf's wall with "thanks for giving me something to read on my way to a home visit."

She always had to "like" concerts that my bf mentioned which were also concerts that he went to without me. I noticed on one occasion he mentioned 4 concerts in one entry, one of which we had gone together and she did her "like." By December, he and I went to a concert together. HE didn't mention it on his wall. He later on admitted that he went to a concert with her but he also didn't mention it on his wall. I'm assuming he didn't want another one of her "like" on his wall.

Maybe if I had seen these entries in real time, I would have known that a problem was developing. Now I know and would advise anyone to monitor the same thing.

By contrast, since I can see that her boyfriend keeps his wall publicly available, I can see that on his wall over a period of 15 months, she's only signed on his wall 18 times. Okay, so maybe they have different kind of relationship.


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## shy_guy

NTA, I think what you're describing is a set of agreements and partnerships you have (or people need to have) around the medium. I think that is a good thing. We have a set of agreements as well.

Like anything, I try to set boundaries to avoid temptation for myself, and to make sure I am showing proper respect to my wife. I expect some partnership from her in this. My facebook activity, like my email and my other activity, is open to her (and it sounds like his is to you as well). She looks at it with me sometimes. I have both male and female friends, and I would expect them to expect that anything they open up to me is opened up to my wife as well. If my wife becomes uncomfortable with the activity of a friend, we will discuss it. I want to be sure she feels like I am respecting her. If it is uncomfortable, and we don't have an explanation that works, then I will unfriend that person. 

I have unfriended a couple of female friends without my wife's promting because it became uncomfortable to me. The nature of their conversation became something I didn't feel comfortable carrying on in front of my wife, so it was time to terminate it with them. I would do the same on here if I saw it, or I would do the same if my wife had a problem with either place. The bottom line is that I want to be with my wife, and want us to happy together, and this is part of partnering together to accomplish that goal of being happy together.

It's a different tool, but the same principles that we use elsewhere.


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## shy_guy

alone_not_lonely said:


> No, of course no one NEEDS to do anything like that  It just irks me that these things are such a time suck, and people who might get so much enjoyment out of the real thing, spend it in front of a computer screen... for. hours. on. end.
> Of course Facebook only provides these time wasters to people, and I do recognise that it is what people make of it. By no means (as I said, I find that FB leaves people feeling like they can take no blame or reponsibility for a lot of things) am I saying that it is the fault of a social media site that these people spend hours on it- their choice entirely, they can log off anytime. The invention of the internet has led to many wonderful things, I just don't see FB as one of the top priorities on that list. It is disappointing to think that the virtual world is taking so much away from reality.
> 
> And yes, what you are providing people with is helpful, no question about that. But it also could have possibly been done on another media, so you're not getting any kudos directed to Facebook from me yet  You guys take the cake for that.
> 
> In saying that I do recognise what good can come of it, I see so many more things I don't like come from it. I don't like they way they track your info, I don't like the way privacy laws are overhauled every 5 seconds. I don't like the way people I have no wish to contact are able to contact me. I also don't like the fact that things I would like to use or participate in are becoming harder to use or cannot be used if you are not signed in to Facebook. But I don't like or agree with it, so I just don't have an account anymore. Easy
> That, of course, doesn't mean that nobody else can.


Although I have been defending facebook (and still do), I have an observation about electronic media in general that can make it a problem. I think this may be some of what happened to your friends. 

It seems to me that there is an emotional connection that we have when we are face to face that raises some inhibitions that are there for smooth social interaction. I think voice must carry some of these emotions that bring up inhibitions, but not quite to the level of being face to face. I've noticed that many of these inhibitions are lowered when we are communicating across electronic media where there is neither voice, nor vocal interaction. I think it's something we have to be aware of about ourselves.

Even back to ICQ, which was an IM program that my kids and I first started this electronic communication with, I noticed a difference in communication with some people. I had to step in on a couple of conversations wtih my daughters back in those days because people became what we thought was verbally abusive. I don't think people would talk like this face to face because there is the concern that someone is going to flatten their nose all over their face if they did. I think recognizing this tendency is the first step both with the sender and the receiver in dealing with it. Even on here, I think I can usually deal with someone when they become emotional. It's a new communication skill that we have to learn. It's not actually new, it's just something that some people have to deal with regularly in face to face meetings, and others much more rarely, so for those that have to deal with it much more rarely, perhaps it is more difficult.

There is also the fact that facial expressions, voice intonation, and other non-verbal cues that we normally give in person are not present in text. I notice my boss has a greater tendency to get his feelings hurt in email communication than he does face to face. I've had to adjust my method of communicating over email in order to deal with this. He doesn't seem to hear the voice tone I'm writing with like he can when he hears me speaking it. 

However; the team I work on is literally worldwide. The engagements I am involved with are currently in France, Korea, Mexico, and the US. There is no way I can conduct all of this face to face, so electronic communication is a must. Therefore, to be successful on this, I need to learn the extra skill to communicate via electronic media. When a person gets this skill, and recognizes the dropping of inhibition of the other party, and can deal with that, then electronic communication is very effective, but a person needs to recognize it and be able to deal with it.

Facebook is just another electronic media. It is a great tool for communication. People need a new communication skill to be able to use it effectively and be able to maintain healthy relationships.

A lot of the stories about maintaining and selling personal information are exaggerated. However; with more and more businesses offering cloud or web based applications, more companies are making use of one of the existing identity verification services. The three that are most commonly used right now are Live; Facebook, and Google. The websites make a call with the login information you give them and verify your account. It's not to verify you really are who you say you are - it's just an account verification like a login to a computer. So someone needs to know those credentials to be able to access the account you create on that site. By using those id services, they don't have to store passwords, etc. or create a new verification process for every application. They just redirect to an existing service, make sure the credential passed are valid, and if the service says they are, the app associates that connection with the account and allows the appropriate access. This actually reduces the number of vectors of account attack. If you don't like facebook, then create a live or hotmail account and create a passport account when you create them, then you can use that for almost anyplace that needs a web login.

Facebook and other electronic media do not give a person exercise. But as I see it, they are really no different than sitting down and playing a game of Sudoku (Something I do until I love to hate it). I don't play games on facebook, but I can't claim to be above it because I spend the time playing Sudoku, or coming to TAM for that matter and bantering with faceless people here. But I also recognize the needs of my physical body, and I get up and workout. It's a matter of keeping everything in balance. I agree people should do that.


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## heavensangel

alone_not_lonely said:


> I see so many more things I don't like come from it. I don't like they way they track your info, I don't like the way privacy laws are overhauled every 5 seconds. I don't like the way people I have no wish to contact are able to contact me. I also don't like the fact that things I would like to use or participate in are becoming harder to use or cannot be used if you are not signed in to Facebook. But I don't like or agree with it, so I just don't have an account. That, of course, doesn't mean that nobody else can.



DITTO, DITTO, DITTO!!!!! Could not have said it better myself. Once you're on FB, it's like they OWN you!


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## OhhShiney

I have totally mixed feelings about Facebook. 

On one hand, it's just a conduit, and it is what you make it. However, some nuances of how Facebook works are, seriously, missed by some who use it. One of my personal issues is keeping people on friends lists who maybe shouldn't be there. Such as an ex husband or lover. There have been endless arguments about exes on Facebook here, and I've had one now and again with my wife. 

The thing that irks me most is that, unless you understand the nuances of Facebook security your efforts to control your data may be falling short. It's not deceptive, it's just confusing to the casual user. There are some simple tools that may seem to put up a wall, but to really implement boundaries takes some effort that many don't understand.

Even if you decide to keep an ex on your friends list (as a social courtesy) and choose to remove your ex's posts from your news feed so you don't see them, your ex is free to set up their news feed so that every one of your posts show on on their wall and they receive text messages whenever you post. 

To prevent your ex from seeing your daily posts requires differentiating your ex from your closer friends by declaring each friend as either a "close friend," "friend," "acquaintance, " or "restricted" At that point, you can say that your posts are visible to "friends but not acquaintances" or just "close friends." 

My point is that it's not impossible to do this, but the process requires you to be proactive. 

What's the big deal? It depends. 

* Keeping an ex on your friends list *shows all of your friends that you are still friends with your ex. *They can take that to mean whatever they wish. It may show that you are magnanimous and loving, or may imply that you are leaving a door open. *Your ex may think they still have a chance. Your current partner might well think your ex still has a chance.* Even if you think that keeping your ex on a friends list is a friendly gesture, you can't control how other people feel or what they think about your friendly gesture. They are free to fill in the blanks. By making such a public display of the ongoing connection, they will speculate as they will. 

* If you take Facebook default settings, you may get a picture of your ex showing on your own news feed multiple times a day. This might serve as a reminder of the bad, but it may also remind you of the good. If you are in the process of letting go of a past lover, you may well end up stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain multiple times daily.

* If you take Facebook default settings, your ex can read all of your unrestricted posts. If an ex is having difficulty making a break, this can essentially tease the ex in perpetuity. Again, the pleasure center of your ex's brain will be stimulated by YOUR picture multiple times a day. 

* Likes, posts, comments, etc, by your ex to your wall are visible to all of your friends, including current partners. Your friends may wonder if it's really *over with your ex.* 

*Again, current partners and anyone who understands how Facebook works will know that keeping an ex in your friends list will mean that you and your ex's daily posts are being seen by one another.*


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## devin621

OhhShiney said:


> I have totally mixed feelings about Facebook.
> ***SNIP***
> * Likes, posts, comments, etc, by your ex to your wall are visible to all of your friends, including current partners. Your friends may wonder if it's really *over with your ex.*


This can be lots of fun though: if you go out and have a night out with the guys/girls and take lots of good photos, then you KNOW that when you upload them and start tagging people it'll photo bomb your ex's newsfeed. Pics of you all dressed up and smiling with random people of the opposite sex are a sneaky way to make your ex super jealous and burn some bridges:rofl:


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## WasDecimated

Fakebook was the tool my STBXWW used to kill our marriage. 

The only real reason I joined was to keep an eye on her. For years she was posting sexy pictures of herself an an attempt to gain attention. She would also post flirty/ambiguous phrases in attempt to elicit responses. She would spend half of her lazy day on fakebook. When she got a smart phone she started checking it almost constantly. It became an addiction. She tuned me and our children completely out. I discussed my feelings with her about this many times but she was unwilling to change. The number of friends she collected kept growing...girls and guys. This was strange for someone who only had a hand full of friends when we met. She started to crave external validation. I guess when I told her and showed her how beautiful she was...it didn't count because, "as her husband, I had to say those things". She eventually hooked up with an old friend from school and proceeded to have an affair for 1 1/2 years.

After this divorce is over I will never get involved with someone who has a constant need to check their Fakebook page.


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## huffmani

Thanks for the interesting article.


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