# Semen Retention 101



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I have started this thread to stop another one going off topic:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/4561-difference-between-men-women-who-go-off-sex.html

See my article on Semen Retention for the method and background: Semen Retention



marina72 said:


> Do you mean that when we finally do have sex, that we should not finish, and he should hold off? I don't know if this would be effective with someone that isn't wanting sex in the first place, would it?


At first it would be boring for him. But it would gradually get better. The first time, he would feel like the act was incomplete.

The way I do it is to slow down when I am near the edge, and the speed up again, once I have calmed down. In this way I can keep going all night - unless I'm tired which means my concentration is not up to it, and I accidentally cum.

Once I got good at it, I became able to stay at the point where I was almost about to cum, for longer and longer. So now, during a session, my arousal level fluctuates between being very turned on, and nearly on the edge.

This is now so much fun that I don't actually enjoy cumming that much. However, in the beginning, I could not stay stay so aroused without cumming, so I aimed lower of you get my meaning.

One thing that is vital is that he must not ejaculate "solo" in between sex. However, self stimulation is actually good, as long as he does not cum.

If he were to try it, he would find that after sex, he would still feel horny. So the next day he would have no trouble doing it again. And the next and the next! It's just a matter of getting him started.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

marina72 said:


> Hi Mark, We did the retention thing last night. We had some really good shagging, I guess it lasted maybe 20 minutes , not counting the foreplay of course.
> 
> There were a couple times when he was on the verge of finishing, so we stopped and kissed or did more oral.... We managed to quit at the right time. He jumped off me and said "don't touch me don't touch me! if you do I"ll cum"! lol... it was kind of comical for both of us, we were huffing and puffing all while giggling, as we've never tried doing this without him finishing before
> 
> ...





marina72 said:


> He did well, with cutting it off just in time. Interestingly, his erection lasted for about 20 minutes after we were done, he was standing at attention waiting for some more action I guess. haha...
> 
> I'll keep updating. a semen retention thread can't hurt.


You have totally cracked it in one attempt :smthumbup:
There is no refractory period with this method. Also, the key to semen retention is to *have sex* and not cum very often.

Your husband was already not cumming very often, but that does not count. What builds up the hormones is the unrequited arousal. He is absolutly forbidden to have solo ejaculations!


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Does retention if you didn't MEAN to do it count? 

He blames it on the cough meds, I'm not so sure... But two hours of sex with him not coming? even when he tried to...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

snix11 said:


> Does retention if you didn't MEAN to do it count?
> 
> He blames it on the cough meds, I'm not so sure... But two hours of sex with him not coming? even when he tried to...


As long as there was a reasonable amount of arousal, it counts. Did it contain morphine?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

marina72-

According to one of the few studies on the subject, the maximum boost to testosterone occurs if a man ejaculates every 7 days on the same day:

SpringerLink - Journal Article

And this one:

Bodybuilding.com - Clayton South - Can Sex Affect Your Bodybuilding Gains?

Add to that stimulation in between ejaculations - i.e. sex every day without cumming - and you have got one horny guy!

So I think you should aim for once a week if you can. In your case, where he was only wanting sex on average every 5 weeks, you will only get him up to comming that "often" by having sex most days without him comming. having sex but not cumming creates a real urgency in wanting and needing sex.

It may be that after trial and error you find that cumming once per week is still to often - you will know because his interest will slacken. That's why it will be helpful if you give updates, so I can make suggestions to tweak his performance


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

will update Mark.

He was feeling great yesterday! hehe... and as I said, when he finally did finish, last night, it was so intense he almost began hyperventalating.

Not to say that it's not always intense, he's always enjoyed it, but I could sure do with more than once every couple weeks for frequency. So we will Definitely keep on doing this, to see if it truly helps,, but it seems to really give it a boost.

Also, we are going to get him to the doc, it's been about 1.5 years since his last T check, and so I'm curious to see if it's still really low.

Thanks again Mark, for understanding how hard sexual issues in a marriage can be, and how important a healthy sex life is , to the survival of a healthy marriage.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

marina72 said:


> Thanks again Mark, for understanding how hard sexual issues in a marriage can be, and how important a healthy sex life is , to the survival of a healthy marriage.


Ahem, that could be something to do with me being a sex maniac!
He sounds like he has very good control over when he cums. That is essential. So is not getting blue balls. Those two thing unfortunately put it beyond a lot of men.

Is he willing to carry on with the semen retention?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

MT-

Having suffered blue balls once and never wanting to again...how do you stear clear of BBs while doing semen retention?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

revitalizedhusband-

I don't know. I will have to get back to you on one.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

yes, he says he's willing to keep on trying it.

And we read those two links to the articles.

He is in agreement, that the combo of his already low T levels, and when we just kind of stopped doing it, once I got preggers, (before my pregnancy we were doing it 1-3 times per week) 

Well, after 9 months of only 3 sexual encounters.... and then all the recovery time, I had a horrible tear... Ouch! And then all the stress of life, and his job..... I think he fell into a rut, and couldn't get back out.

I think he see now that not having sex regularly, is not good for his health as a man. And actually it's not good for women either.

Sex has many health benefits. Not to mention giving men and women a higher endurance level! ;-)

We are going to have another roudn in the next day or two and will do the retention thing again. I think we will shoot, no pun in intended, for a release about once a week, like you suggested.

 at the very least, I'm Very well satisfied, I'm in a better mood , I'm not as tense, and I can't wait till the next time hehe....


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

marina72 said:


> at the very least, I'm Very well satisfied, I'm in a better mood , I'm not as tense, and I can't wait till the next time hehe....


I love a "happy ending"


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

;-)


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Oh, you got the joke, I did not know if it would work in your country...


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## LynnB (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi, new to the site and while browsing, bumped into this thread. As I am in a similar situation, (hubby and I have had sex maybe 5 times in about 15 months) I find this concept very intriguing. The difference in my situation is that we went from having sex once or twice a week, to nothing just like that. I am not sure this would help us as I am still trying to work out what the cause of the situation is, but I would be interested to know how this is working out for you, marina. 
My husband is not a great communicator, and when I do get him to talk about it, he gets very defensive and mostly I get excuses. 
MT, you seem very insightful and empathetic to these types of situations. I would appreciate and ideas or advice you may have for me. 
I am off to work at the moment so no time for details. Ask me anything. I will check back after work, anxious for replies.
Thanks,
Lynn


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Lynn,

I am sorry for you, it's so hard to be in a situation like yours. I know how hurtful it can be. 

Well my story is a long one, but I'll give you the short version. I got preggers, and hubby stopped wanting sex at all.. then after baby was born, it never really resumed like it should. Baby is now gonna be two soon, and we are getting better. 

My hubby has low Testosterone levels, and so his drive is/was lower than most men, this is documented by numerous tests we have had. Aside from drugs, there is nto much you can do for this problem, but, Mark suggested the semen retention, and it really seemed to jog hubby back into wanting to do it more often. 
we were probly having sex about 1 time a month,, and even sometimes we would go 8 weeks without it. It didn't seem to bother him, and he never had "morning wood" , but, oddly, could get an erection just fine if I initiated. 

He also has a very high stress, fast paced job, that leaves him feeling drained and sucks the life out of him on some days.. so,
I had to take all that into consideration. Also, he has never been a good sleeper... and with a toddler.. well, I think you can imagine. I had/have and uphill battle, but it's getting Much better.

So many things can affect a man's drive, namely low T levels, depression, sleep disorders, exhaustion whether physical or mental, stress... being emotionally unfulfilled in a relationship. 

these are the same things that can kill a woman's sex drive too.

When we were having the worst time, I just sat hubby down and told him that he could either work on this with me, or eventually the marriage would die. You can't leave problems like this to lie forever.... they eventually destroy a relationship. 

So, he was very open to talking about it, and trying whatever I suggested. I told him what Mark said, and he said "sure why not!"

And the funny thing is, he really enjoyed sex once we got going... in the past, it's just that he never really had the idea, or wanted to initiate is, until I did. I think he's just been so tired, and so stressed, and couple that with the lack of sleep and low T levels... and it's a recipe for no sex drive at all.

I think the semen retention has truly helped his T levels to jolt a bit. And when we practice this, when he finally does climax,, it's so much more intense than normal, and you know even normally cumming for a man (or woman for that matter) is pretty intense.

So, the first order of business is for you to really get him to open up. If he won't... then just try to drive him wild. take control and if you're not opposed to a nice long blow job, then do that to him, but don't let him cum... get my drift? hehe...

Or, be totally open and tell him you'd like to try this. And let him know that sex is very important to you, and him.

I hoep I've helped a little. communication is the only way to get his ball rolling. Update us...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

LynnB-

I am committed to helping people on this thread, but very short of time this week due to working my website. So if you can add more information, I will write back when I have an intuition for you.

However, rule #1 is don't take no sex for an answer, and above all don't take "no discussion" for an option. Men need to be pushed hard when they get into this sort of a rut - or they will simply give in to it.


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## LynnB (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi MT, thank you for your response. You and Marina are so right. This is a very painful situation. And I have run the gamut of emotions in trying to deal with it. 
First, I guess I should tell you how it all started. Towards the end of 2007, my husband and I decided to make a move from our country home to an apartment in town. Due to the cost of gas, and both of us having a long commute to work every day. To make a long story short, our first choice of apartment fell through after we had already given notice to our landlord. So, we ended up moving in with our daughter and son-in-law from Feb. 2008 until August. They have a large 4 bedroom home (MIL plan), no children and they both work excessive hours. We had plenty of privacy. However, it is during this time that sex with my husband virtually stopped. When I brought up the subject with him, he told me he was uncomfortable "doing it" in our daughter's house. OK, I thought it was a bit childish, but I didn't push. During those 7 months, we had sex maybe 3 times when my daughter and her husband were gone for the weekend or on vacation. 
Man! Was I looking forward to the sex fest I imagined we would have once we finally got into our new place! It didn't happen. We had sex once a couple days after we moved in, at my initiation. A few days later, I attempted to initiate again, and was rejected. We talked, and this time the excuse was that the last several times we had had sex, I bled a little bit, and this was a huge turn off for him. That statement, I found understandable, but only partially true. It had happened a few times when I was close to starting my period, but not every time. So, I agreed to be more careful about the timing of our lovemaking sessions. Now, after 26 years of marriage, he is as aware of my cycle as I am, and he had never made this complaint before...
Fast forward a few sexless weeks (months?) later. We have argued over this, I have cried, begged and pleaded and the next excuse he comes up with is, he is not attracted to me anymore. I have put on too much weight. Now, I realize the importance of taking care of myself and being physically attractive to my husband. Some people think that's shallow, I do not. Although it was painful to hear, I vowed to try harder to take off the extra weight. He vowed to try harder in the bedroom (as he had done every time we argued/discussed it). He said "I could never not love you". That made me feel worse, I felt like that was something you would say to your sister. (maybe I took it wrong?) Anyways, I was trying to be understanding about it even though I have always struggled with my weight, during our entire marriage, and have been much bigger than I am now, at some points. It never affected our sex life before, ever. 
That all brings us to this point. I have lost 20 pounds, (it's a start) and have at times resorted to sleeping in the guest room. Sometimes, it is just too painful to lay next to him praying that he will touch me. We have had a bit more discussion on the subject and he has backed off on the weight issue saying that that is not what he meant at all, just that it doesn't help the situation. Now he just says he doesn't know what the problem is. I am at a complete loss. The worst part of the whole situation, is that it seems like he doesn't care how unhappy this makes me. He acts like everything is ok. I feel that if he loved me, he would make some sort of effort, not just empty promises. 
Sorry, I can't write anymore. I will get back here in a while and type out the technical stuff. Sorry for the long post.....
Lynn


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Lynn, was your sex life before you moved into your daughter's house totally normal? How often were you having sex before the move?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

LynnB-

I have finally got a bit of time to write to you. This is not a simple case. However, there are some simple points you bring up:

You say he does not seem to care how unhappy his lack of interest make you, yet if you push, you seem to at least get a reaction. This is a reminder that you must not stop pushing. All the usual advice that people will give you about not pushing is crap. If you stop pushing, sex will stop altogether. If you have a flickering flame you can nurse it into brightness. But once the flame goes out, you have the bigger task of re-igniting it.

I am interested to here more. Your situation is certainly workable, but you will have to take control. His statement that "I could never not love you" is code for saying that if you threatened to leave him, he would be prepared to do whatever was necessary to keep you. You have more power than you realise.


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## LynnB (Apr 8, 2009)

marina72 said:


> Lynn, was your sex life before you moved into your daughter's house totally normal? How often were you having sex before the move?


Yes, our sex life was completely normal from my point of view. We had sex (good sex) once or twice a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. 
Now for the technical stuff; He is able to achieve an erection, however, not always able to maintain it. He has an incredibly stressful job and may be feeling a bit inadequate because of it. I'm thinking these two things are at the bottom of this whole thing.
Now, an incredible thing happened yesterday morning after I had written the above post. He was still lying in bed watching tv (Saturday morning routine), I decided to crawl back into bed and read for a while. He initiated sex, and it was wonderful! I am dying to know what prompted him to do it, and what changed for him. But, I am afraid to ask, I really do not want him to feel pressured. Last night when he came home from work, it was like it used to be. He said he had had a really good day and that we should start the day off like that more often. We flirted a bit and had a nice dinner together. He seemed relieved. So, I'm thinking some kind of performance anxiety? I just don't know. I am just so happy about it happening, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up that, whatever it is, is over. 
Now what do I do?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

LynnB said:


> He seemed relieved. So, I'm thinking some kind of performance anxiety? I just don't know. I am just so happy about it happening, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up that, whatever it is, is over.
> Now what do I do?


Yes, definitely performance anxiety. Semen Retention can completely get rid of that. I wrote a bit about it here: Erectile Dysfunction see under the heading, "a third way".


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## LynnB (Apr 8, 2009)

Mark, I have read your articles and wonder about something. Everything you say makes sense physically. However, The enjoyment I get out of sex stems from about 50% my own orgasm and 50% his. It is an awesome turn on for me to see him lose control and give himself over to orgasm. It appeals to my sense of power over him and gives me great boosts of confidence in myself. Not sure I could give that up. How do you and your wife deal with this issue?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Hi LynnB.

Oh your question is a good one, because it cuts right to the heart of the matter... however, it's going to take me more than a few words to do it justice, so bear with me 

I know a lot of women get off on seeing their man lose control - especially during ejaculation. So it appears that with semen retention, that as well as a few other things are no longer an option. 

Let me deal firstly with what replaces that regular loss of male control during ejaculation.

What happens is that as a man gets good at controlling his ejaculations, he can sail right to the edge of almost cumming, and then slow down, pull out, or just breathe and pant until he has regained control. Then he can go back to more vigorous thrusting. When he is on such and edge, he will be acting like he is as high as a kite. The sounds he will be making, and the way he will be looking at you will make you feel like you are the hottest women on the planet. 

I not only have all this going on, but I also get a sense of achievement from being able to control myself to this degree. In fact, my wife often makes it even hotter, by deliberately trying to push me over the edge while at the same time saying: don't you dare cum! So she also gets to have fun with the situation.

I always recommend no bigger gap than weekly ejaculations for most people. Unless you really know what you're doing or have guidance, going over a week can have side affects, such as irritability. So the ideal is to have sex say 4-7 day per week and cum once per week. Because there is no loss of energy, a man who has not cum, can have sex 3 times a day, and just get more and more horny. It never gets boring.

Having said all that, there is another side where control is well and truly lost... Last summer as an experiment, I got up to six weeks without cumming, and my target was 7. We were at it a least once per day, more if I could get it. By the end of the six weeks I was following her round the house. On the final day, she got on top, which is not normally my favorite position, but we had already been doing missionary for 1/2 an hour. I was beside myself thrashing around under her like I was on fire, shouting and screaming... and the I realised I had lost it, and I came!


So I hope that answers your question


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## Fritz (Apr 3, 2009)

Where can I learn this retention method.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Fritz said:


> Where can I learn this retention method.


I gave a link in the first post. Read all you can, and then ask questions if you want more info. Also give plenty of information about your own situation if you want good answers.


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## Ackroyd (Feb 1, 2012)

I read somewhere, "When doing PC exercises try to relax the anal muscle so as to focus on the muscle that contracts when urinating? 

Do you know how I should do this? It's very difficult to do.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Mark, 

Thanks for your insight and contribution. You obviously have done allot of second and firsthand research. Sounds like the latter has not been allot of work (LOL). 

I have enjoyed the benefits of "edging" so as to enhance the whole sexual experience and make it more intense and long lasting for me and my W.

The question is what is the benefit when i am the higher drive person. I find that I do develop soreness if I become aroused and don't ejaculate. Doing what you are suggesting seems counterproductive for people like me. Is this only for certain people or am i missing something?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The last thread in this post before the past two was almost 3 years ago... Perhaps a new thread might be in order?

C


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