# She signed the papers today...



## Betterman (Dec 10, 2011)

For those of you that know my story, this has all shaken out very, very quickly. I had been making tremendous strides, but this event has triggered some emotions. According to my lawyer, she didn't even read through it all and then asked how soon the judge signs. 

As a reminder to everyone, she is severe alcoholic and narcissist. She started to emotionally check out at about the time of our wedding about three months ago. Plenty of evidence that she had been involved in at least an emotional affair with her equally alcoholic ex-boyfriend who had been aggressively pursuing her since we got engaged. Probably physical affair as well. No way to prove.

Word is that he promised to marry her. They sure are in a rush. My understanding is that they are essentially the laughing stock among the bar "gang" that they hang out with. They could be wanting to push the divorce, so he can put a ring on her finger and "justify" the affair. I suppose there's an outside chance she is preggers, although she has an IUD (unless she lied about that as well), hates kids, and has already had an abortion.

Either way, it doesn't matter. Just another trigger event today. I have maintained zero contact with her and frankly, though I hurt about the whole thing and the way it went down, I have lost all respect for her as a person. Crazy days, folks.

PS - I had a session with a mindfulness therapist who specializes in (obviously) a mindfulness approach to healing, chakra balancing, etc. It was actually very powerful and gave me a whole new perspective on this thing. Felt great yesterday. Today, I am having a moment but, like I said, it's a trigger event. Down deep, I am so very grateful to be out of it and to have dodged the bullet of an extended period of ongoing alcoholic and abused/damaged girl trauma. It would only have gotten worse and I would have only gotten more attached.

Onward and upward.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good for you. Hey at least you didn't waste ten years of your life on this flake. Look on the bright side.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

today is the first day of the rest of your life...enjoy it, look forward to it


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Yes, this is a tough one. See my "Filing Day" thread. Like you, I do great if I don't have any triggers, and as time goes by, there are less and less of those. But the signing and the filing, and the hearing date when it comes, and the final decree, are/will be soul-crushing triggers.

You're doing great in that you're already detaching enough to see her for what she really is. It's still hard, even when we can do that, to completely let them go. Chalk that up to your having a much better heart than she. And that in the end, you and she will each get what you deserve.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

You got out Cheap on all fronts!! Good for you!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Good for you. It is a step in the process and a powerful one. Keep posting, it will help, too. Expect your emotions to be like a roller coaster. You can handle it.


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## Betterman (Dec 10, 2011)

It's all true. It's also true about the emotional roller coaster. It's been very tough. I didn't think this event could trigger it all again.

I have to go in and sign myself, now. She didn't even text me or call to tell me she signed - no contact whatsoever - and she has been in such a rush about it. It still amazes me how she has been able to just turn off all of her emotions like a light switch and show no remorse of any kind and just move right along - all in a matter of just a few weeks. I realize now that I really took a dive into the shadow for a couple of years with her and the people she was hanging out with which meant I was hanging with them, too. The nasty bars, the drunk people, the thugs who brag about jail time, the drugs they do, the women dating other women in between dating men (or at the same time), the casual lying, the casual cheating, the bar fights - just a continuous party scene. And I realize that I got gradually sucked into it to a degree. Those people are ill. They think all of that is normal. They don't give a crap about anyone else's feelings or the impact their actions have on other people. Not a single one of them has reached out to me to check on me. I have been around dark, negative energy for a long time. It's time for me to get back into the "light."

I do know, that I am going through the process and I will come out the other end stronger and happier. She is not going through the process at all. She doesn't care and she doesn't feel any remorse. She doesn't think that marriage means anything and that it can be thrown away like so much garbage. And who cares who gets stomped on in the process?


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