# Grabbed another guy



## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

Deleted


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

thedope said:


> She did schedule a therapy session today for herself which I did tell her was a good step.
> 
> I can’t keep being this angry and not sleeping or eating.


Yes, it was a good step. At some point, when the therapist thinks the time is right, you should join in her therapy session.

You are correct, you need to get away, calm down, get some sleep, and have yourself a juicy T-bone and couple beers.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

I’ve made it crystal clear that being drunk is not an excuse I give consideration to.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

What sort of “vibe” were you getting between your wife and friend? Was this before he raised her dress?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Counselling for you both.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

Tobyboy said:


> What sort of “vibe” were you getting between your wife and friend? Was this before he raised her dress?


It’s hard to explain just giggly. Who knows anything, but she has zero contact with the guy outside then when we hang out as couple. I can’t prove that, but I’m convinced of that and it has nothing to do with anything she’s told me.There a couple that has been open with their sex life, but it’s never been in an inappropriate way. Just conversation.

I’ll check her phone log. We are on different plans and I’ve had zero reason to ever check it. She’s actually on her parents plan because she still had the unlimited, plan which was grandfathered out. This was 5 years ago, so that’s nothing to be suspicious of. My point is to that she would never think of me to ask for her phone log login, so if she’s hiding anything with phone use I do believe it will be there. 

I’m trying to do everything to verify, but I’m also not a damn CIA agent either. The fact I have to ask for phone logs pisses me off.

It’s not my fault and I shouldn’t be ashamed but I am. Like a lot.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Now you know her. Her character. She's willing to lie. At your expense.
There is a difference between lying to protect you and lying to protect herself.

Would the following statements be true or false:

1. She will put herself in harms way to protect you at all times.
2. You can count on her to put herself first above all others.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> Counselling for you both.


I realize my tolerance might be lower than some here who can deal with. For people whose wife actually had sex with other people and they take them back. I couldn’t ever fathom doing that. They are infinitely better than me. I could never show that kind of forgiveness or strength.

It was a 1 to 2 second action. Which I understand, but I can’t cope with it. The lying made it 10 times worse. It was over the pants but it might be a deal breaker for me.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

Parasite said:


> Now you know her. Her character. She's willing to lie. At your expense.
> There is a difference between lying to protect you and lying to protect herself.
> 
> Would the following statements be true or false:
> ...


1. I’m honestly not sure. Maybe yes maybe no.

2. No. She can be selfish at times obviously. But she is decent about admitting when she’s being selfish. It means nothing to me but if she drunk she wouldn’t have grabbed his ****. It means nothing to m because she was drunk and she did do it.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

I am unsure if I want to sleep in the guest room or not. I don’t know why I am posting this but just throwing it out there to the ether.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why would one even give the least bit of consideration in allowing other people into the hallowed confines of their boudoir?*


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Hmmmm.

I understand you're pissed but I'm feeling surprisingly sympathetic toward your wife here.

First of all -- everyone was drunk in the initial situation. (Maybe not the other guys wife) but you, your wife, and the guy. Obviously your wife and this guy weren't trying to be sneaky because they did this right out in the open. It's not like they snuck into the kitchen to make out. Frankly, your wife's explanation for grabbing his junk does sound very plausible to me. He lifted her skirt, she called his bluff. Not saying either one's actions were appropriate but again - alcohol. This is why it's smart to not get too drunk, especially with other people.

As for the lies. One motivation for lying is to avoid the wrath of the person to whom you are lying. Yes, your wife should have come clean and told you everything she remembered when you realized some incident had gone down. But obviously her fear that you wouldn't understand/believe her was not baseless. Not saying it's okay to lie, but it doesn't sound like you made telling the truth to you very appealing.

As for the lies about what she has said to other people including her mom. First, let's not for get that YOU were also LYING when you told her you were not home when you were. 

As for what she lied about, not okay, but you really backed her into a corner. You have this "crisis" in your marriage now over something that happened one night when ever you were so plastered you didn't wonder why some guest of yours was CRYING. 
Your wife is going to have strong feelings about this and need someone to talk to -- but you're telling her she's not allowed to talk to her friends or her mother about her things that are eating away at her. 

Maybe you are right and she shouldn't but maybe what you are asking is simply not realistic or fair to her. She is upset and she needs someone to talk to. The desire to unburden herself is going to be overwhelming to her, so she did it. Not okay to lie, but how exactly would it have gone if she had told you "I told my mom."

I guess the question is -- is your wife sneaky and a liar in general? Do you think there might actually be something going on between her and this guy? If so, then I would snoop for some solid information. But if this is out of character for her, take a step back and consider the position you're putting her in with your demands that she not tell anyone certain things, and consider your tone and approach when you were asking her about the events of that night. You might snoop either way just to rule out an affair since you were getting a vibe that night.




thedope said:


> Hello, been Married for 8 years to my wife. I have never had any other issues with her. We had another married couple over for drinks. Everyone was drinking. I sensed sort of a weird vibe between my wife and the other husband. The guy grabbed the back of my wife’s dress and pulled it up a bit. My wife said something like oh alright, turned around a briefly squeezed the guys junk for maybe a second or two.
> 
> His wife saw it and got very up set. I was also present but I was at a different angle. So I just saw him grabbing at her but no other contact. I just assumed he was drunk and he is always awkward. I made some comment like that’s enough and wasn’t worried about it. His wife later excused herself and cried. I was drinking a lot and didn’t connect the two which was retarded of me in hindsight.
> 
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

thedope said:


> I can’t keep being this angry and not sleeping or eating.


You could try not playing games. Like not telling her you're home when you are.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

People use the cover of something being a joke, or joking around to cross boundaries they know are inappropriate.

Your jealously and disapproval are good up to a point.

You are well past that point now, and you are doing more harm than good.

Doing it publically like they did provides further cover since they were doing it in the open.

Ask your wife if that is her plan to keep grabbing other men's junk.

They had some mutual attraction and some playful flirting. Yes it could lead to more under the right conditions.

The first thing I would want is for my wife to be honest with herself and with me that this is what happened.

That is only the first step.

Make it clear that this is unresolved until she does, and if she fails to address it, then it will change the way you see her in terms of your trust and respect for her. Dont drag on the conversation, and dont debate it.

After that, act as normal as possible with a slight hint of dissapointment. Wait and see.

You are screwing this up, dial it back a bit brother.

I wish you both well.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I don't have any comment about your wife. You see how she is and will go from there. But I do wonder why you're still friends with this "friend" who pulled up your wife's dress? That was equally as sexual and violating as what she did. And was very disrespectful to you.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

StarFires said:


> I don't have any comment about your wife. You see how she is and will go from there. But I do wonder why you're still friends with this "friend" who pulled up your wife's dress? That was equally as sexual and violating as what she did. And was very disrespectful to you.


I’m not


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Get Fonelab and recover the deleted texts and any other photos, videos, or cheater app messages that she may have deleted - if there were any.

Put a keylogger on her computer. "bestfreekeylogger" will work okay, maybe somebody else hasa better recommendation.

Make up some reason to get her to login to her online dashboard for her phone. The you will have her username and password in the keylogger.

DO those two things and you will know if there is more to know.

If you want to go all out, get Sony ICD-PX470 voice activated recorder and put it in her car. It's around $50 at Amazon.

Get a Sandisk 32GB SD card to add more hours of recording than you will need.

Make sure you read the manual to turn off all beeps. Make sure you set the recorder to record to the SD card.

***

Then you will know if she is in an emotional affair, a physical affair, or no affair.

Once you know enough of the truth, then you can deal with the poor boundaries and lying.

And it looks like you need to take a look at yourself as well.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Message:-*

Due to the fact that the OP has deleted their opening post, this thread is now locked.


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