# Young Men at Boot Camp



## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

We have raised our nephews 15, 18 & 21. Our 18yr old is enlisted in the Army National Guard. He is doing boot camp this summer, then over his senior year of HS he will do one weekend a month and next summer after he graduates HS he does his job training with the guard. He went to boot camp on 6/25. I have heard how hard it is for them, especially being so young and away from everyone. I know this sounds petty, but is there a reason he doesn't write us or his brothers who live with us? He has written his sister (33y) whom we are very close with (I understand that) but he has written our 23y son's girlfriend (he has only known her 3 months) I have written him twice. The first short & sweet, the second letter 2 pages. I am very hurt. Any insight?


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Brand905, I completely understand your hurt. I have 3 boys and 2 girls. My girls are WAY more communicative with me than my boys. When my 2 older boys moved out, I was the one that called them. The only time I heard from them was when they needed something. My older daughter, on the other hand, called me every day.

I think it is part of growing up for boys to cut ties when they are finding their independence. Be assured though, he will come back. I also know it is hard not to get your feelings hurt with boys, it takes them a while to learn to care about others feelings, especially the moms. Don't know why that is, but that was, is, my experience.

Also, and I don't know if this is true, but if he wrote you a letter complaining about boot camp, maybe they read the letters first and didn't send it for him?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My experience with the boys in my family, including my son, is that when they left for college they didn't look back. If I wanted to talk to my son (in those days before cell phones) I had to track him down and it was never easy or frequent. I'm sure not all boys are like that but the ones in my family were.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

They are very busy at boot camp. I have been myself.
I cannot remember if I heard from my son or not when he went.
I certainly didn't expect it. If I did it was insignificant, since I can't remember now if he did or didn't.
I think he did write his younger brother and sister once, and kept in touch with his girlfriend. This is what happens when you bring up your kids to go out in the world. It takes a while before they realize how big it is and how many things can go wrong...and then they write more often. Separation is good because it allows a clearing space for a new type of peer to peer relationship. Once a person has gone off to boot camp (or overseas, or to university, or to their own apartment) they are their own person. 

Got to let things go and not cling to them. Change is the only constant in life. Also you cannot control other people's interpersonal relationships, with their siblings or with anyone else. 

You can encourage but not mandate or chastise. 18 and boot camp is too old for punishment or criticism. Now you can express your opinion to him, and have house rules but that's about it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

When I joined the Australian Regular Army as a 17 year old (over 25 years ago) I found little time to write to my parents (1 letter), I wrote to a girlfriend more often at the time (3 letters).

Funnily enough, when I got to go home for 4 days leave half way through my recruit course during Week 7. I found my parents had reclaimed my bedroom and had thrown out most of my belongings. I ended up staying at another girlfriends place and didn't visit my parents again during my leave.

He really probably doesn't have a lot of time to write much anyway, although recruit training was tough. Infantry training in my experience was harder again, so consider that as well if that's where he's going.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Brandy905 it's about him, not you (and not me when my son was in bootcamp).

Be proud of him. I am. You raised a young man whose made a man's choice. And be proud of yourself for raising him .


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

As others have said Basic training is normal pretty "full on". I did mine in the Royal Navy over 30 years ago but it was up before dawn and fall into bed (when not out on exercise) exhausted 16 - 18 hours later.

They did insist that we all sent our next of kin a postcard on the day we arrived but I did not communicate with them again until we got access to the pay phone in the NAAFI (about week 5 I think). Things do settle down later on and you get a bit more free time and for us as there was no TV letter writing did become a regular evening routine.

Do not worry that he has written others rather than you as at least you know he is fine.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

I think my hurt comes from the fact that he is writing to someone that he hasn't know long and not his brothers. The only way he knows this person is because she is our oldest boy's girlfriend. (Yes he did write his girlfriend too) The letter says to tell our oldest he misses him, yet he didn't write him and the 15 year old is lost without him.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

He is the first person I am this close to away at boot camp, I don't want to make things harder. In writing him letters, is there things I should say, things I shouldn't say.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that it will go a long way if he reached out to you every now and then.

if you don't speak up, he won't know, and chances are he is simply caught up in his life and has little time to even think about other things.

Don't be offended, as others have said, most young man (teens/20s) struggle to keep in contact with parents.

Heck, my brother is 40 and still hardly ever calls mom/dad (while I call them at least once a week/see my mom once/twice a week). 

But that's mostly because I apply to them what I would want my kids to apply to me.

I think it's important to talk to your parents on regular basis. Especially as they mature in life.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

He doesn't get phone privilages very often. In talking with a co-worker, she said he isn't writing me because he is slowly trying to cut the apron strings. The reason he isn't writing his brothers is because guys don't do that. That would explain him writing the oldest's girlfriend and putting in her letter to tell him he misses him.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Hi Brandy905,

Although I can't speak for American Army National Guard recruit training, I can say that the first phase of his training is likely to be intensive and in terms of transitioning from a civilian lifestyle the most traumatic. That said once that initial phase is finished private time (albeit surrounded by your fellows) increases. Which does afford one the opportunity to write more and or call. I didn't get access to a phone to call home until the third week.

As to what to write, tell him what comes to mind and inform him about what is happening at home. Green saturation can be a bit much, so it's nice to be reminded you come from a place that is normal and has your loved ones in it.

Don't be afraid to say anything to him. That said, try to be mindful that he is under a great deal of emotional and physical pressure while doing his recruit training, so if you don't need to burden him with something, you might consider saving it till he marches out.

Do feel free to remind him that you are there for him and that although you miss him you believe he'll get through it all just fine and you can't wait to see him when you can.

By the way, in the end you'll be fine as well so you don't need to fret too much.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I didn't write to my brothers or sister either.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> Any insight?


Did he call you though? 

I'm in the Army, and every boot camp has it's own policy on phone calls, but all of them let the trainees use the phone for limited times. 

As for writing letters, you can't expect him to write a lot. In this day and age, a lot of teenagers don't know how to write a letter anymore! They have never known a time without email.

It's weird that he would write to his brother's girlfriend though.. makes you go "hmmmmm".


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

Theseus, He did call when he got there. We dropped him off at a hotel on Wed, Thursday they bussed them to Ft.Dix where they were briefed, then they flew them out to SC. When he got to SC then they got phones to call and let family know they safely arrived. Phones taken before they arrived at boot camp.

You are right about this generation not knowing how to write a letter, they do not even have proper phone etiquette.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> Then he got to SC then they got phones to call and let family know they safely arrived. Phones taken before they arrived at boot camp.
> 
> You are right about this generation not knowing how to write a letter, they do not even have proper phone etiquette.


SC, that means he's doing basic training at Fort Jackson. He's lucky we have this "polar vortex" this Summer. Normally Fort Jackson is totally miserable at this time of year, the absolute heat pit of the world!

Normally, they can use phones when they first arrive to let loved ones know they are OK, and they can use them again closer to graduation, but they can't use them in-between.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

Yes, Ft Jackson it is! We found a Facebook Page for them and they posted hundreds of pictures of them arriving and doing different activities. It is pretty awsome, we found 3 pictures of him. I am sure there are more but you have to blow up and really search, we will be looking each time more pictures are posted.


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## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

When I went off to basic for the Navy, I only made 1 call. They made us call a relative when we arrived. The rest of training though, I declined all phone time and wrote no letters. No one was there at my graduation. It wasn't about them. It was about me; something I was doing for myself, and I didn't want anyone there. When I arrived at A-School, I re established contact with friends and family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I have no personal experience but my first thought was his time was pretty limited and now they likely rely more on email.

Maybe a quick note saying you miss him and would like to know he is well - include a blank piece of note paper and a stamped, self addressed envelope to make it simple. You may only get a brief note back due to his limited time.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

I'm sure this hasn't changed much since I enlisted back in '90. I didn't write anyone at home. I know how. Just didn't. Nothing to do with cutting ties or anything like that. Not a manners issue. I hated push-ups. We used to do push-ups for every piece of mail. I had a couple people I could write that I knew weren't likely to write back. That was my outlet. My mother though? Oh hell no. I know that woman. She raised me. I know that every piece of mail I sent her would have been answered with 3 pieces and a care package. I wasn't down with doing all those damned push-ups. My brow is getting a little sweaty just thinking about it while I type this out. lol


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