# Were they better then me in bed.



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

That idea is such bull****. This is another post in my continuing "it just has to be said" series of post on this board. Ha ha you thought I was making a declarative statement. Yeah right... /s

I read it all the time. He or she says the sex was better with this ex. Your connection in bed is not stagnant it is like any skill you can get better at it if you are really committed and work at it. Now I get it if there was cheating you can't compete with crappy people who feel that doing something evil some how makes it more exciting, this is kind of what you get if you stay with someone like that. However if you are taking about past relationships, then compete. Get better at it. Sex is not just something that you do and it's quality always stays the same. It's kind of like dancing, you can get better at it. 

Stop passively accepting that it has to be that way. Read books, try stuff, talk about it. Work at it. It should be a new fun project.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Wonderful idea. But it takes two to dance.

Some spouses have a:

Club foot. They dance at clubs with strange men. You, you boring spouse cannot compete.
Trick knee. They trick you. once they marry you they shut the meat factory down.
Fallen arches. A serial Wayward
Two left feet. cannot learn the steps in lovemaking, trips over his own feet, cannot find the hole.
A dead leg. For men it is the leg in the middle, for women it is one leg, then the other. Too numb to open...... wide.
Charlie horse. her Ex Charlie was hung like a horse.
Restless leg. The spouse cannot sit still long enough to get it on. The spouse is always looking for another warm landing spot.
Bumblefoot. Your chickee has no motion in her ocean. She buzzes but cannot hold a tune...or a sexy thought.
Compartment Syndrome. The husband can have sex with you while he dreams of his OW.

What?

You don't like my humor?

So Kill Me?

To late, the Red Queen has forced my removal. Banned all but my dusty Eminence. I am now untouchable...untouched I am....sigh.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Why would you tell your current partner that sex was better with an ex? That sounds totally unnecessary. 

Compete with what? The exes of someone's past? 

Where do you draw the line? My ex made more money than you. My ex was taller than you. My ex was hotter than you. 

Might never end. Be careful what you accept in relationships. No one should be told in a relationship that sex was better with an ex. How does this even come up in conversation? 

If you love someone, you want to build them up not tear them down. Maybe then, the sex will be amazing.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

After 25 years I believe my wife when she says that I'm her best in bed. (I don't believe her when she says she never saw a bigger penis, she saw many.)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sokillme said:


> That idea is such bull****. This is another post in my continuing "it just has to be said" series of post on this board. Ha ha you thought I was making a declarative statement. Yeah right... /s
> 
> I read it all the time. He or she says the sex was better with this ex. Your connection in bed is not stagnant it is like any skill you can get better at it if you are really committed and work at it. Now I get it if there was cheating you can't compete with crappy people who feel that doing something evil some how makes it more exciting, this is kind of what you get if you stay with someone like that. However if you are taking about past relationships, then compete. Get better at it. Sex is not just something that you do and it's quality always stays the same. It's kind of like dancing, you can get better at it.
> 
> Stop passively accepting that it has to be that way. Read books, try stuff, talk about it. Work at it. It should be a new fun project.


The real ego buster is being told their AP is better in bed.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

Weird sh*t can come up early in a relationship. When I was with my 1st GF after my wife died in 2003 we were goofing around after sex when I asked one of those stupid questions; I do not remember why. She got a serious look on her face and said “Do you want to talk about that?”. I paused and kicked a few more brain cells into action and realized that she has ex’s for the same reasons as do I and that now she is in my bed. I said “No not really.”


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I agree, I just see these people acting like they are stuck and it makes me sad. I just don't get the concept that you sexual performance is stagnant and I feel bad for those who think that way.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I never asked. Why would I care? I know I am good in bed and their screams and orgasms told me all that I needed to know. I could tell by some of the things they said during sex like they never had an orgasm by intercourse before or even by another man even though they had sex with a few. When a woman is lying in a pool of her own sweat, breathing hard, hair messed up and flushed after 2 or 3 orgasms, there is no need to ask, is there?


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I think a lot of people who ask that question on this forum seem to be asking about the AP. It's a thought that you can't help thinking when the affair is brought forward.
As for thinking about past relationships if you have to ask that question obviously there is something missing in the sex life.
So in that instance yes, I agree (even though you have compared me to Melanie Wilkes ), if it feels stagnant then try new things and keep educating yourself on it.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

To put it bluntly, there will always be someone who is better at sex, because there are people who are uniquely talented and intuitive partners. It's very _rare_ to encounter such people, though.

Yes, most people can learn to be better, but it takes willingness and effort to do so (and if your partner isn't willing to join in, then what you can do to improve is limited). Many don't bother to learn, because they_ think_ they're already good - most aren't. Just like in school, there will always be better students, smarter students, more innately capable students. After many years and many partners, we do know we're the best - for each other. Some have been damn good even without the benefit of learning our specific needs and quirks. Some have been better at _one_ thing - and probably always will be - but not overall. The really good ones are always memorable.

Anyway, this is beside the point. You don't have to be the best, just good enough at _some_ things your partner wants and needs. Love and caring smooth over the rough spots - as long as it's there.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Improving your sexual technique is like anything in life,practice,practice practice.And look at all the fun you will have doing it.
A lot of men seem to have a hangup about penis size,all I can tell you is in the gym I own the female trainers have a nickname for guys with huge ****s that some of them or their friends have dated.
They call them Atinor.
All the ingredients,no recipe.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

how do you get better in bed with someone who does not reciprocate?

you giving oral ,massages,lotion,toys ask them what they like. would really do anything for them

and you get answers like I like everything just keep doing what you do.

but when you try to communicate that you would like something its met with resistance and sighs or a halfassed attempt and you know they don't want to and because they don't its not very pleasurable. and then after awhile you feel resentfull.

you can be the best but if your working with a star fish/pillow princess then it get old. 

unfortunate but these are the one who seem to cheat because the newness is exciting and lets face it some strange is always fun and exciting even if the sex is just so so


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I don't understand people who compare partners with each other. My partners have all been unique as far as I'm concerned, even if they shared some qualities with one another occasionally. They are individual people and I treat them as such.

I also don't understand the need I've noticed in some men to hear whether they were better or worse than an ex. That's almost looking for a reason to get yourself potentially hurt.

I'm bluntly honest with Odo, as he is with me. We both agree that we are each other's best partners, but that is due to much more than compatibility in the bedroom. He's never been "dumb" enough to ask me if my ex husband had a bigger dong or gave me better orgasms. If he asked me such a question, I'd know that he's just trying to get a laugh out of me. I'd never glorify such a question with a response, and he doesn't seek one in all seriousness. I don't need to ask if his ex wife or ex gf were better in bed than me... because he's in bed with ME now and they are ancient history.

Yeah, I just don't get it. If your partner is lackluster in bed, there are all sorts of things you can try to improve their techniques rather than sinking to the level of bruising their ego intentionally.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Some people seem to be just naturally better. But anyone who is giving, enjoys pleasing and is willing to put ego aside for a while. 

Sometimes though it's a matter of chemistry. That you either have or you don't. You can have passionate, amazing sex with someone you have a lot of chemistry and attraction with and another guy who you don't can do the exact same things with no results. 

Then the who tend to be selfish in life are usually selfish in bed and there's nothing you can do to fix it. No point even trying.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Good sex really isn't hard if both partners will tell the other what they enjoy, and both will try to do what their partners enjoy. If you have that, then practice will make it great.

If you don't have that, then nothing will make your sex life good.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

uhtred said:


> Good sex really isn't hard if both partners will tell the other what they enjoy, and both will try to do what their partners enjoy. If you have that, then practice will make it great.
> 
> If you don't have that, then nothing will make your sex life good.


Telling each other what you enjoy is a good first step, and trying to do those things is the next. That doesn't assure that it will be done well, or that they'll be able to figure out - without being told every time - WHEN it's a good time to try this or that. Good sex is an art.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> The real ego buster is being told their AP is better in bed.


Agreed, but I just don't know why a BS allows that to become an issue. It comes up on TAM all the time, but really a BS should just tell the WS to GTFO, rather than wasting their mental energy anguishing over those irrelevant details. 

My XWW tried pulling that crap on me and I just told her that I didn't care because I was going to upgrade to younger/hotter women that are better in bed than her. :smthumbup:


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

If anyone ever said "sex was better with my ex", that would make them an ex no? Why would anyone want to move forward in a relationship from that point?


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

sokillme said:


> That idea is such bull****. This is another post in my continuing "it just has to be said" series of post on this board. Ha ha you thought I was making a declarative statement. Yeah right... /s
> 
> I read it all the time. He or she says the sex was better with this ex. Your connection in bed is not stagnant it is like any skill you can get better at it if you are really committed and work at it. Now I get it if there was cheating you can't compete with crappy people who feel that doing something evil some how makes it more exciting, this is kind of what you get if you stay with someone like that. However if you are taking about past relationships, then compete. Get better at it. Sex is not just something that you do and it's quality always stays the same. It's kind of like dancing, you can get better at it.
> 
> Stop passively accepting that it has to be that way. Read books, try stuff, talk about it. Work at it. It should be a new fun project.


I cannot believe how incredibly complicated people try to make this. It's not about "getting better". There is no one technique - nor 50 techniques - that are "right" for all women or men you encounter. Period.

Sex has been so awesomely good since the dawn of humankind that there's never been a problem with people not reproducing enough.

Like love and happiness, we destroy it by trying to do too much, add too much, make it complex, complicated, fancy, etc.


Not bragging here, but every women I've been intimate with (not a long list), since about college when we were both new at it anyway, has said "you are amazingly good." or incredible or whatever. And it turns out the thing I did naturally is exactly what is needed and it's SIMPLE. Pay attention to your partner, watch what pleases her and what doesn't, don't go any faster than she seems to be responding with. I suspect if your partner is male, it's kinda the same thing. I've generally had to slow down my female partners, as they've been trained, somehow, to think men want it aggressive and fast, but men are like women - no two want the same thing.

So - it's like everything else in a relationship. Open communications.

The only 'bad' partners I've had were those who were incapable of listening...and I only ended up in bed with them when I was young and stupid and had not realized that communications isn't just icing on the cake - it's the whole cake.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Your connection in bed is not stagnant it is like any skill you can get better at it if you are really committed and work at it.
> 
> Stop passively accepting that it has to be that way. Read books, try stuff, talk about it. Work at it. It should be a new fun project.


Those are some big IF's. No amount of cajoling, asking, reminding, teaching can help someone who is a lazy lover. I know this to be true because I have been married to a lazy lover for 30 years.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I think too people underestimate the importance of connection for many people. 

If you feel neglected out of bed or taken for granted of upset, sex isn't going to be good no matter how good you are at it. 

To be good in bed you really have to be good everywhere. Foreplay starts outside the bedroom during the day.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

NickyT said:


> Those are some big IF's. No amount of cajoling, asking, reminding, teaching can help someone who is a lazy lover. I know this to be true because I have been married to a lazy lover for 30 years.


Yeah but then at least you know the problem isn't you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

DustyDog said:


> I cannot believe how incredibly complicated people try to make this. It's not about "getting better". There is no one technique - nor 50 techniques - that are "right" for all women or men you encounter. Period.
> 
> Sex has been so awesomely good since the dawn of humankind that there's never been a problem with people not reproducing enough.
> 
> ...


Some don't communicate though. That's difficult.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

After 20-1/2 + years of marriage, I really don't think it matters. I'm pretty sure I'm the best she's ever had. Those huge puddles in the bed say all that needs to be said.:wink2:


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Overall my W is definitely the best. But the bj from that one ex GF was "off the chart".


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Telling each other what you enjoy is a good first step, and trying to do those things is the next. That doesn't assure that it will be done well, or that they'll be able to figure out - without being told every time - WHEN it's a good time to try this or that. *Good sex is an art*.


Yes it is. MrH and I should be exhibiting in the National Gallery >

To me god sex should be natural, spontaneous and without loads of instruction. I don't quite know how we do it but over here good/great sex happens 99% of the time, we just do it, no need for loads of instruction because we are super compatible and can feel/read each others minds. We have the perfect (for us) balance of who takes control, who allows the other to take control. 

As SGC said a lot of the reason we are so compatible in the bedroom is because we share a great life together outside the bedroom. We do talk about sex, what we want, what we like but this is usually over a bottle of red and a nice dinner.

Anyone from the past is irrelevant.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

NickyT said:


> Those are some big IF's. No amount of cajoling, asking, reminding, teaching can help someone who is a lazy lover. I know this to be true because I have been married to a lazy lover for 30 years.


Ouch!

How sad this post is.

I see the bitterness oozing out of every word. 

What are you going to do about it?

Give up? Please yourself, masturbate?

Divorce, or cheat?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I really don't care if he has an eight-inch rod or if she has a piece of a$$ so big that you literally have to tie a cedar 2X4 on yours to keep from falling in!

Sex, greatly like beauty, is strictly in the eye of the beholder! And you always have an innate sense of whether you've sent them to Shangri-la or merely left them parked over on the side of the road! 

All too often, wayward's do it strictly from the standpoint of the "closeness" as well as the "newness" of the social situation, not to mention the heart and gonad-pumping excitement from doing something totally illicit and covertly socially reprehensible, praying that no one else ever becomes none the wiser to it!*


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Ouch!
> 
> How sad this post is.
> 
> ...


Ugh! 

How obnoxious is this post.

You see no bitterness oozing out of every word.

Do you think I have been married to this man for 30 years and have not figured out what to do about it?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

NickyT said:


> Ugh!
> 
> How obnoxious is this post.
> 
> ...


So sorry.

Thank you for your honesty.

To some I am obnoxious.
To some I am obtuse.
To some I am opaque.
To some I am obfuscated.

To some I am omnipresent.
To some I am overboard, over the wall.....running naked in the wet tall grass.

Take your pick. Leave my thoughts alone and in the Outhouse.

I am an Outie, What is Your's?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

sokillme said:


> That idea is such bull****. This is another post in my continuing "it just has to be said" series of post on this board. Ha ha you thought I was making a declarative statement. Yeah right... /s
> 
> I read it all the time. He or she says the sex was better with this ex. Your connection in bed is not stagnant it is like any skill you can get better at it if you are really committed and work at it. Now I get it if there was cheating you can't compete with crappy people who feel that doing something evil some how makes it more exciting, this is kind of what you get if you stay with someone like that. However if you are taking about past relationships, then compete. Get better at it. Sex is not just something that you do and it's quality always stays the same. It's kind of like dancing, you can get better at it.
> 
> Stop passively accepting that it has to be that way. Read books, try stuff, talk about it. Work at it. It should be a new fun project.


On paper, this idea sounds fantastic! But, it takes two to tango. What happens if someone is more practiced at sex than the other, and tries to share tidbits of information with their spouse? What happens if one is a virgin and one is not? The latter is my story: my H was a virgin when we started dating. I've never considered things like that to be a deal breaker. I mean, you have to start somewhere whether you're 22, 32, 42. My H was 41 when we started dating, and 41 when he lost his virginity. He knew where to put it, but not much outside of that, so I tried to show him some moves, tell him what I liked, etc. It didn't work. For about a year, I tried to help him out in this regard, and yes we would talk about sex until the day that he said he didn't like coming home at night because he was scared we'd talk about sex. So, I stopped mentioning it, and just took it however he wanted it out for the next 3 years. It's something that I used to enjoy, and now that we're headed for divorce, I'm hoping that someday, I can find someone who can satisfy that urge again.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

My self-loathing has precipitated this question before, it's like I want to hear that they were better to cut me through the heart and confirm the self-loathing I feel, but not really, tough to explain why it's asked or what response we want to hear.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Huh? What happened to sokillme?


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