# My son may have fathered a child...



## RedAlphaHog1

Hello, everyone - as the title states, my 16 yr old son may have fathered a child. The key word is "may" - and my wife and I are struggling with next steps. Here is the background info, and why am stating the word "may":

About 6 weeks ago, our son told us that he got a 15 yr old girl pregnant. My wife and I don't know her or her family - it was what you might call a "hook-up", and they apparently only got together once (both my son and the girl admit to this).

Since then, we have learned more about the girl's reputation from her own parents. Per her mom, she has been sexually active with two other guys prior to my son for at least a year (I don't know specific dates on this). Her mom also said her daughter is seeking attention - she wants to be popular. Her dad said basically the same thing about her, and that their own relationship is terrible. The girl's mom and dad are no longer together.

I should say that my son has lots of friends, is a decent student, and is a good athlete. Recently, the girl "announced" to her friends that our son is the father of her unborn child through text messages and at least one social media site. This is causing a huge gossip wave in our small community - and we are basically responding to the gossip that this is simply a rumor. We are responding this way mainly due to what her parents told us about her past sexual history.

In the meantime, more cracks are showing in the story. We know her due date per her mom. There are pregnancy due date AND date of conception calculators on the 'Net. When we plug in her due date to determine the potential date of conception, their hook-up date is nowhere near the date range (10 days later). If we plug in their hookup date to determine the due date, it calculated a date that is two weeks earlier than her actual due date. I am no doctor, but this just seems way out of sync to me.

I definitely don't want to sound like I am minimizing the girl's situation. My wife and I have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive to both her mom and her dad. We have said that we will be supportive in whatever decision they make. But, we don't know her or her family, and the reasons for our doubts continue to accumulate. We are both trusting people, but we can't just blindly agree to the girl's accusation that our son is the father of her child. Our son has owned up to his part, and I believe he has told us everything about their encounter. Because of this, we have asked her parents for a paternity test, and they both agreed to it once the baby is born. The girl, however, is telling her friends that a paternity test has already been done and that the test came back positive towards my son (which is a 100% lie). She's also saying that our communication with her parents is all the proof that is needed to show that our son is definitely the father. This is coming from gossip that my son is hearing at school, by the way - we are taking this with a grain of salt.

So, what do we do now? Do we need to get a lawyer involved to protect our son? It infuriates me that the girl is implicating our son when there is this much doubt. Thank you for any and all advice...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I would get an attorney. And I would also serve a notice to the girl and her parents against rumor feeding and making false statements. Your son is a minor and has rights to his privacy, especially his sexual privacy. And the girl is a minor and because of this, her parents can be held accountable for her actions, separately and jointly. If it takes getting her mental health care to put a stop to her actions and words, then that can be ordered as well. Yes, you need an attorney. This is ridiculous and it is beyond what anyone is normally equipped to deal with. This is why we have lawyers, to enforce our rights. In other countries you would pay bribes or hush money or whatever to have your rights, in this country you pay an attorney. It's all the same. It may feel as though you are being financially penalized, but it feels like that when you have to pay money for dental cleanings or health care or taxes or car registration. We have a constitution, but the enforcement of laws comes through the practice of exercising the rights they are designed to protect.

And instead of saying it's a rumor, you can say what you know is true. That there is a 1/3 possibility that your son is the father, but these odds are mitigated further by the date of conception and the day that your son and the girl in question had sex. Simple as that. She can deal with the consequences of that statement. If she complains that you are interfering with her right to privacy, she's already basically told everyone she already had sex with your son. So big deal and good luck to her.

I'm sorry this happened to your son. I used to warn my son to always use his own birth control, because of people like this who will use pregnancy as entrapment to improve their situation in life or to attach to a boy (or girl) who they perceive as having a more stable and secure situation. Teens typically cannot rationalize the greater consequences of their actions. In many ways, their brains are incapable of grasping some realities. Although I don't condone the girl's behavior, she's only behaving as a 'normal' human being of her gender and age would behave under the exact circumstances she is living under. It is what it is, as I tell my son, even if you are in the right and don't go looking for trouble, there will still be times in your life when you will encounter it and suffer, and have to deal with it, and it's no use pretending it can't or won't happen.


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## PBear

I would also recommend talking to a lawyer. The piece of mind would be worth it to me. The lawyer can explain your options and suggest a best approach. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken

I third speaking with a lawyer. Although I don't agree with what the girl is doing, it is understandable as homemaker said given her age and maturity level. 

Unwanted notoriety and rumors aside, if it is your grandchild, you need to find out what your son's rights are and how to protect them.


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## mablenc

I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.

Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.

Good luck, it's a difficult situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

mablenc said:


> I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.
> 
> Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.
> 
> Good luck, it's a difficult situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


While I understand not wanting to "lawyer up" as a first reaction, there's nothing wrong (IMHO) in getting an idea of your situation, legally speaking. 

C


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## mablenc

PBear said:


> While I understand not wanting to "lawyer up" as a first reaction, there's nothing wrong (IMHO) in getting an idea of your situation, legally speaking.
> 
> C


I won't disagree with you in looking for advice in regards to where they stand and how to handle the situation. But, I do see value in trying the peaceful route.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33

Get the kid some condoms in the meantime.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

mablenc said:


> I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.
> 
> Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.
> 
> Good luck, it's a difficult situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's better to send a hand written note and follow up with a phone call to the girl's parents and the girl, that you are hiring an attorney who will know his or her way around the laws and the rights of all three (or more...can't assume is only one baby?) kids involved, and that it's for mediation and to have things legal so as to avoid complications from say, the state, CPS, etc. for everyone involved. This way, it's more of a gesture of picking up legal fees for the girl as well, if they agree to use your attorney for mediation. 

Too many people see attorneys as lawyering up, and that's not really their best use, as you can't set things right after the fact. You just need to make it clear you are wanting to do things correctly from the start.

It's probably the girl is entitled to all kinds of aid as a single mother. A good attorney will know how to handle paperwork, helping her with living will, finding a good OB who will take on the case, etc. 

Lawyers are for much more than simply settling disagreements, they are for preventing them and preserving harmony and letting people get on with their lives knowing everything has been done fairly.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I use my attorney for a lot of stuff. My daughter's bike tire was slashed at school, the police and school were dragging their feet. There were surveillance tapes available but a week went by, nobody talked to my daughter at school nobody from the school called me, PD was telling me tapes not yet available and had not started any kind of investigation. So I asked my attorney to step in. Does not mean I'm suing anyone, just that I'm clueless as to what my rights are in asking that something actually be done. I was also concerned because we didn't get a copy of the police report and they took her slashed tire but gave us no receipt for it. 
Still not suing. Just want to make sure everything is done fairly, that should be done.


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## aug

Wait till the baby is born. Your son does not acknowledge himself as father till he/you have your own paternity test done. Go from there.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

aug said:


> Wait till the baby is born. Your son does not acknowledge himself as father till he/you have your own paternity test done. Go from there.


That's not really good planning at all. 
Bury head in sand...hope for best. Son escapes all responsibility after being stupid enough to not bring his own birth control to the table, or bed, or wherever...
Does not learn anything about his rights or responsibilities as a sexually active 'adult' or young adult...
Meanwhile, has people hounding him, calling him irresponsible, peers ostracizing him due to rumors left unaddressed...
No financial planning or contingency planning for various scenarios...
Next thing the girl will be saying he raped her. 
A false report still has to be dealt with.
No being prepared is just going to bring more trouble.
Non response is very naive thinking when it comes to understanding the personality and mindset of people like the girl in question. You need to be firm, clear, and to set boundaries and parameters that cannot be violated. If you do nothing, they will continue doing what they are already doing, and more of it. You need to keep them engaged in handling the paperwork and other negotiations and legal demands your attorney will prepare. If they are that busy, they have no time to create more trouble, and if they do, they are being watched and monitored by an attorney, who will question their new statements and allegations and make them cow down.


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## RedAlphaHog1

Thanks for the advice, all - I'll try to respond to individual notes in more detail later this evening.


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## mablenc

At this point he may or may not be the father, if he is, these people are going to be part if his life, assuming they keep the baby. 

You can test the unborn child's DNA as early as the end of the first trimester, I strongly encourage you to do it then not after the kid is born.

Also, how sure are you that she is pregnant and that the timeline matches, are you going on her word or do you have a doctors confirmation?

ETA only 5% of women deliver on their due date, 2 weeks is nothing before or after, so at this point don't put too much weight on your calculations.

Also, please understand the girl must be terrified, and it seems everyone is also talking about her and how many partners shes had. This maybe why she's making up the stories. I hope as a gentleman you haven't passed this information on to anyone, even if her parents told you.

I know you say your kid is a good kid and I take your word for it, but please don't think for a second he was a helpless chump being lured. 

Even good kids make mistakes.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

Paternity test. And let's be honest... there will probably be at least 3 or 4 (or more) of them in her immediate future.

Either way, this would seem to be a great time to educate your son w/ respect to just how wonderful condoms really are.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

GusPolinski said:


> Paternity test. And let's be honest... there will probably be at least 3 or 4 (or more) of them in her immediate future.
> 
> Either way, this would seem to be a great time to educate your son w/ respect to just how wonderful condoms really are.


We can't assume that they didn't use a condom.
It may be that the girl provided one, and/or poked a hole or harvested from the one he had. Of course, that's IF he ends up being the father, which doesn't sound too likely.
Having a condom alone and using it brings no guarantees if a girl is bent on becoming pregnant. There are so many ways to get around that. You have to also cover psychology of people, and ways that you can be deceived. Unfortunately not all kids are innocent and just up front want sex. Some want the perceived and often real benefits that come from sex...namely a meal ticket and not having to make their own way in the world.


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## GusPolinski

Fair enough, but educating the boy on the *proper use* of a condom would still be a good thing.

Assuming, of course, that OP hasn't done that already.


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## aug

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> *That's not really good planning at all.
> Bury head in sand...hope for best. Son escapes all responsibility after being stupid enough to not bring his own birth control to the table, or bed, or wherever...*
> Does not learn anything about his rights or responsibilities as a sexually active 'adult' or young adult...
> Meanwhile, has people hounding him, calling him irresponsible, peers ostracizing him due to rumors left unaddressed...
> No financial planning or contingency planning for various scenarios...
> Next thing the girl will be saying he raped her.
> A false report still has to be dealt with.
> No being prepared is just going to bring more trouble.
> Non response is very naive thinking when it comes to understanding the personality and mindset of people like the girl in question. You need to be firm, clear, and to set boundaries and parameters that cannot be violated. If you do nothing, they will continue doing what they are already doing, and more of it. You need to keep them engaged in handling the paperwork and other negotiations and legal demands your attorney will prepare. If they are that busy, they have no time to create more trouble, and if they do, they are being watched and monitored by an attorney, who will question their new statements and allegations and make them cow down.



Frankly, there's not much to do now till fatherhood is proven.

Why is my advice considered "burying head in sand"? There's nothing in my advice that said to stop planning if he turns out to be the father.

You cant stop a 15 y.o. girl from saying what she wants to say. You cant stop rumor of high school kids. Seriously, how do you propose an attorney stop the rumor? 

Attorney costs money. And could create irreparable damage if the boy turns out to be the father.


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## mablenc

Here's some information about DNA testing, she can get a non-invasive blood test if it's before her third trimester.

Paternity Testing | American Pregnancy Association


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## Adeline

I believe when you are pregnant, the calculations go back to your last period instead of the moment of conception, so in a way you are automatically 2 weeks pregnant or something like that when you conceive, per the calculations for a due date. Sounds like that is maybe what is happening here.


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## EleGirl

mablenc said:


> I would try to talk to the family before lawyering up. If the child is your grandson you don't want to sour the relationship. Instead get a DNA test as soon as possible.
> 
> *Another thing to look at so you don't get another surprise is that many insurances no longer cover dependent children's maternity care. So you guys may have to help foot the pregnancy care and delivery bill.*
> 
> Good luck, it's a difficult situation.


This is a good reason to get consult with an attorney. There is no proof of paternity at this time so they cannot be held responsible for medical costs.


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## EleGirl

RedAlphaHog1 said:


> Hello, everyone - as the title states, my 16 yr old son may have fathered a child. The key word is "may" - and my wife and I are struggling with next steps. Here is the background info, and why am stating the word "may":
> 
> About 6 weeks ago, our son told us that he got a 15 yr old girl pregnant. My wife and I don't know her or her family - it was what you might call a "hook-up", and they apparently only got together once (both my son and the girl admit to this).
> 
> Since then, we have learned more about the girl's reputation from her own parents. Per her mom, she has been sexually active with two other guys prior to my son for at least a year (I don't know specific dates on this). Her mom also said her daughter is seeking attention - she wants to be popular. Her dad said basically the same thing about her, and that their own relationship is terrible. The girl's mom and dad are no longer together.
> 
> I should say that my son has lots of friends, is a decent student, and is a good athlete. Recently, the girl "announced" to her friends that our son is the father of her unborn child through text messages and at least one social media site. This is causing a huge gossip wave in our small community - and we are basically responding to the gossip that this is simply a rumor. We are responding this way mainly due to what her parents told us about her past sexual history.
> 
> In the meantime, more cracks are showing in the story. We know her due date per her mom. There are pregnancy due date AND date of conception calculators on the 'Net. When we plug in her due date to determine the potential date of conception, their hook-up date is nowhere near the date range (10 days later). If we plug in their hookup date to determine the due date, it calculated a date that is two weeks earlier than her actual due date. I am no doctor, but this just seems way out of sync to me.
> 
> I definitely don't want to sound like I am minimizing the girl's situation. My wife and I have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive to both her mom and her dad. We have said that we will be supportive in whatever decision they make. But, we don't know her or her family, and the reasons for our doubts continue to accumulate. We are both trusting people, but we can't just blindly agree to the girl's accusation that our son is the father of her child. Our son has owned up to his part, and I believe he has told us everything about their encounter. Because of this, we have asked her parents for a paternity test, and they both agreed to it once the baby is born. The girl, however, is telling her friends that a paternity test has already been done and that the test came back positive towards my son (which is a 100% lie). She's also saying that our communication with her parents is all the proof that is needed to show that our son is definitely the father. This is coming from gossip that my son is hearing at school, by the way - we are taking this with a grain of salt.
> 
> So, what do we do now? Do we need to get a lawyer involved to protect our son? It infuriates me that the girl is implicating our son when there is this much doubt. Thank you for any and all advice...



You can have a paternity test done now... prenatal. They use blood from the pregnant mother to determine paternity. Here's a link to just one of many places you can find on the web that do this.

verifi Home

If she's pregnant with your son's child, he has 50% responsibility for this child. So doing the test now will help to not only shut down rumors if he's not the father... but if he is the father he and you will know what he needs to do.


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## RedAlphaHog1

mablenc said:


> At this point he may or may not be the father, if he is, these people are going to be part if his life, assuming they keep the baby.
> 
> You can test the unborn child's DNA as early as the end of the first trimester, I strongly encourage you to do it then not after the kid is born.
> 
> Also, how sure are you that she is pregnant and that the timeline matches, are you going on her word or do you have a doctors confirmation?
> 
> ETA only 5% of women deliver on their due date, 2 weeks is nothing before or after, so at this point don't put too much weight on your calculations.
> 
> Also, please understand the girl must be terrified, and it seems everyone is also talking about her and how many partners shes had. This maybe why she's making up the stories. I hope as a gentleman you haven't passed this information on to anyone, even if her parents told you.
> 
> I know you say your kid is a good kid and I take your word for it, but please don't think for a second he was a helpless chump being lured.
> 
> Even good kids make mistakes.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We are going on her mom's word that her daughter is pregnant. They confirmed the due date with a doctor's visit, and her mom told me the due date. I feel that I have the correct timeline from my son as well.

I understand that the due date calculators are averages. But, it is off just enough to cause my gut to say that something isn't right with this story. 

Our original intent, in cooperation with her parents, was to protect both of them (my son's anonymity; her sexual history). When she named our son as the father on a group text message, it put us on the defensive with our son. We told our closest friends the whole story, including the girl's sexual history, because of the major doubts we were having. I did not want to share that info - if I didn't, my son was automatically guilty until proven innocent.

We also have told our friends that our son is not innocent in this whole ordeal. He's owned up to his part and the potential that he got a girl pregnant, and our friends know that as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RedAlphaHog1

EleGirl said:


> You can have a paternity test done now... prenatal. They use blood from the pregnant mother to determine paternity. Here's a link to just one of many places you can find on the web that do this.
> 
> verifi Home
> 
> If she's pregnant with your son's child, he has 50% responsibility for this child. So doing the test now will help to not only shut down rumors if he's not the father... but if he is the father he and you will know what he needs to do.


Thanks, EleGirl - I'll check this out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RedAlphaHog1

Thanks to each of you for the advice! I failed to mention that she is planning on giving the baby up for adoption. Secondly, they will be getting financial aid through a program sponsored by our state. We will share in any out of pocket expenses they have assuming the paternity test is positive towards our son.

It sounds as though we need to at least consult a lawyer. I don't want the lawyer to go after the girl or the parents - I just simply want to know how to protect my son. I'll also research the paternity tests that can be done now.

We really appreciate your comments - many thanks...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

You are doing the right things, and by all means consult an attorney there are things that vary by states and situations. If he's the father, consider counseling for your son, this is a life changing situation and adoptions can be hard. He also has a say (I beleive) in the adoption decision, make sure his voice is heard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray

mablenc said:


> You are doing the right things, and by all means consult an attorney there are things that vary by states and situations. If he's the father, consider counseling for your son, this is a life changing situation and adoptions can be hard. He also has a say (I beleive) in the adoption decision, make sure his voice is heard.


:iagree:

Is adoption what you and your son want too? If he indeed is the father, then he's got a say in the adoption too.

A good counselor will help in making sure that is truly what he's going to want in the long run.


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## larry.gray

Also be prepared for the contingency that she won't be able to go through the adoption when she's holding that baby in her arms.


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## aug

And if your son is the father, perhaps your son can "adopt" his child? That is, get full custody of the child?


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## EleGirl

RedAlphaHog1 said:


> Thanks to each of you for the advice! I failed to mention that she is planning on giving the baby up for adoption. Secondly, they will be getting financial aid through a program sponsored by our state. We will share in any out of pocket expenses they have assuming the paternity test is positive towards our son.


Why would you pay anything until you know whether or not your son is this child's father? Why not tell her mother that you need to paternity test done now, and if it turns out that your son is the child's father you will share expenses. But without proof you will not. This is completely reasonable.

If she does give the baby up for adoption and she names you son as the child's father, you son will need to sign paperwork giving up paternal rights. If he does without a paternity test, he would be signing on nothing but an assumption. And if he does not sign it could put the adoption at risk.

I adopted a baby years ago. The guy the birth mother named as the father refused to accept that he is the birth father. So he never signed anything. It help up the adoption. We had to publish in the newspaper legals asking him to come forward and that if he did not within some timeframe that the adoption would happen. At any point he could have waltzed in and taken the baby from us. It not a fun thing to go through. 

Also, if it turn out that your son is not the birth father and he signs off on the adoption, the real birth father has legal recourse that could cause problems for your son.

You and your son need to do this are clear cut and correct legally as you can. Just taking this girl's word for it and acting based on that is fool hearty.

Also keep in mind that often times the birth mother nixes the adoption after the baby is born. Giving up a baby is very hard to do. When we were going through our adoption process, our social worker told us that very often even the hospital staff will pressure the birth mother to not go through with the adoption. 

And if that happened, the agencies involved could come back to the birth parents for all funds. And since birth parents are under aged.. it means they come after her parents and you.



RedAlphaHog1 said:


> It sounds as though we need to at least consult a lawyer. I don't want the lawyer to go after the girl or the parents - I just simply want to know how to protect my son. I'll also research the paternity tests that can be done now.
> 
> We really appreciate your comments - many thanks...


Yea, there is no reason to go after the girl and her parents. The girl might be lying or making an honest mistake. Her parents are doing the best they can under the circumstances just as you are.

But do get a consult or two with an attorney who specializes in paternity and adoption law.


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## EleGirl

aug said:


> And if your son is the father, perhaps your son can "adopt" his child? That is, get full custody of the child?


This happens fairly often. Though if his son were to decide to keep the child.. it's not an adoption. And at that point the mother is also a legal parent to the child. She cannot sign away her parental rights. The same goes in reverse. So if one of the birth parents want to keep the child, the other is on the hook for parent-hood for the rest of their lives, to include child support payments until 18, college is considered, etc.


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## RedAlphaHog1

aug said:


> And if your son is the father, perhaps your son can "adopt" his child? That is, get full custody of the child?


Aug/Larry.Gray - honestly, I haven't thought about adopting the baby. I need to mull on this for a while - that's not a decision that is made lightly. Thanks for the idea...


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## RedAlphaHog1

larry.gray said:


> Also be prepared for the contingency that she won't be able to go through the adoption when she's holding that baby in her arms.


Yep - this has been in the back of our minds. This will be a question that we'll have for our consult with the lawyer.


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## RedAlphaHog1

EleGirl said:


> Why would you pay anything until you know whether or not your son is this child's father? Why not tell her mother that you need to paternity test done now, and if it turns out that your son is the child's father you will share expenses. But without proof you will not. This is completely reasonable.
> 
> If she does give the baby up for adoption and she names you son as the child's father, you son will need to sign paperwork giving up paternal rights. If he does without a paternity test, he would be signing on nothing but an assumption. And if he does not sign it could put the adoption at risk.
> 
> I adopted a baby years ago. The guy the birth mother named as the father refused to accept that he is the birth father. So he never signed anything. It help up the adoption. We had to publish in the newspaper legals asking him to come forward and that if he did not within some timeframe that the adoption would happen. At any point he could have waltzed in and taken the baby from us. It not a fun thing to go through.
> 
> Also, if it turn out that your son is not the birth father and he signs off on the adoption, the real birth father has legal recourse that could cause problems for your son.
> 
> You and your son need to do this are clear cut and correct legally as you can. Just taking this girl's word for it and acting based on that is fool hearty.
> 
> Also keep in mind that often times the birth mother nixes the adoption after the baby is born. Giving up a baby is very hard to do. When we were going through our adoption process, our social worker told us that very often even the hospital staff will pressure the birth mother to not go through with the adoption.
> 
> And if that happened, the agencies involved could come back to the birth parents for all funds. And since birth parents are under aged.. it means they come after her parents and you.
> 
> 
> 
> Yea, there is no reason to go after the girl and her parents. The girl might be lying or making an honest mistake. Her parents are doing the best they can under the circumstances just as you are.
> 
> But do get a consult or two with an attorney who specializes in paternity and adoption law.


We're not paying a dime until a paternity test shows that our son is indeed the father of the baby. The only question is when the paternity test will be administered - before baby is born or after. I'll be pushing for now... (thanks for the "paternity test" link you posted earlier, btw)...:smthumbup:


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## RedAlphaHog1

mablenc said:


> Here's some information about DNA testing, she can get a non-invasive blood test if it's before her third trimester.
> 
> Paternity Testing | American Pregnancy Association


Sorry, mablenc - I should have thanked you as well!


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## RedAlphaHog1

Adeline said:


> I believe when you are pregnant, the calculations go back to your last period instead of the moment of conception, so in a way you are automatically 2 weeks pregnant or something like that when you conceive, per the calculations for a due date. Sounds like that is maybe what is happening here.


That's the thing - the due date calculator gave me the choice of either plugging in the date of conception or the date of the last period. When I plugged in their "hookup" date as the date of conception, the due date is calculated to be exactly two weeks ahead of her actual due date given to her by her doctor. When I plug in the same "hookup" date as the last day of her period, the due date calculates to be EXACTLY her actual due date. 

Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. We're seeing a lawyer, and pushing for a paternity test ASAP. Signing off for now to watch some NFL and drink a beer or three...have a great evening, all...


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## EnjoliWoman

Is abortion not an option for the girl? 

If adoption is chosen let's hope it's a closed one - they don't even let the mother hold the baby in most cases. It's best for the baby if everyone moves on. I would not encourage your son to try to get custody. The baby deserves a 'normal' upbringing with two parents who desperately want a baby but can't have one themselves.


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## Anonymous07

RedAlphaHog1 said:


> That's the thing - the due date calculator gave me the choice of either plugging in the date of conception or the date of the last period. When I plugged in their "hookup" date as the date of conception, the due date is calculated to be exactly two weeks ahead of her actual due date given to her by her doctor. When I plug in the same "hookup" date as the last day of her period, the due date calculates to be EXACTLY her actual due date.
> 
> Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. We're seeing a lawyer, and pushing for a paternity test ASAP. Signing off for now to watch some NFL and drink a beer or three...have a great evening, all...


Due dates are only an estimation and many times they are off. I know mine was off by over a week from the original due date. They first said I was due at end of June, then with the following ultrasounds(measuring baby) said I was actually due 12 days later in July. Also keep in mind that sperm can survive in a woman's reproductive tract for up to a week. 

Considering her "due date" is only a little over a week off, it's easily possible for your son to be the father. I would leave her past out of it and just look at the situation between your son and her. It doesn't matter that she was "promiscuous" before - either way your son can still be the father since he did sleep with her. 

Push for the paternity test and then go from there, but until then I wouldn't act like your son is innocent and she is the "bad" one(he's not off the hook). He had sex and has to face the possible consequences.


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## bravenewworld

RedAlpha - You sound like a caring and concerned parent. Definitely agree on the paternity testing before you actively get lawyers involved. 

Really surprised by some of the responses in this thread. Sounds like two immature teenagers (one of whom may be RedAlpha's son) getting carried away. I highly doubt this girl is a criminal mastermind poking holes in condoms and trying to trap sweet thoughtful teenage boys into fatherhood. What's up with the misogyny 'R us tone? 

Also, if anyone here really thinks they had sex "only once" I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.


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## EleGirl

bravenewworld said:


> RedAlpha - You sound like a caring and concerned parent. Definitely agree on the paternity testing before you actively get lawyers involved.
> 
> Really surprised by some of the responses in this thread. Sounds like two immature teenagers (one of whom may be RedAlpha's son) getting carried away. I highly doubt this girl is a criminal mastermind poking holes in condoms and trying to trap sweet thoughtful teenage boys into fatherhood. What's up with the misogyny 'R us tone?
> 
> Also, if anyone here really thinks they had sex "only once" I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.


:iagree:


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## larry.gray

EnjoliWoman said:


> Is abortion not an option for the girl?


It may come as a shock for you, but 70% of the US population is _personally_ pro-life. The single largest group out there is actually made up of people that don't want to see abortion banned but would never use it.


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## EnjoliWoman

larry.gray said:


> It may come as a shock for you, but 70% of the US population is _personally_ pro-life. The single largest group out there is actually made up of people that don't want to see abortion banned but would never use it.


It doesn't shock me, I thought it was worth exploring, though. It wasn't mentioned yet it seems she's early enough in her pregnancy.

I don't like it when it's used multiple times as birth control by women who don't take precautions; nor do I like it when a guy won't use protection and is flippant about the choice. But as a carefully considered option, especially for a girl this young, it is a viable one.

BTW, I'm adopted - the product of a teen mother. I'm quite pro-adoption. I think giving me up was the most UNSELFISH thing she could have ever done. It had to be heart-wrenching. But she did it because she knew I would have a better life with two parents who desperately wanted me. And it freed her up to reach her full potential (she became a doctor based on my research).


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## RedAlphaHog1

EnjoliWoman said:


> Is abortion not an option for the girl?
> 
> If adoption is chosen let's hope it's a closed one - they don't even let the mother hold the baby in most cases. It's best for the baby if everyone moves on. I would not encourage your son to try to get custody. The baby deserves a 'normal' upbringing with two parents who desperately want a baby but can't have one themselves.


It was discussed, but she is choosing to have the baby. Thanks for pointing out the closed adoption process. I do worry about her changing her mind about giving the baby up for adoption.


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## Hicks

Adoption into a two parent family adults is a great choice. You should be overjoyed that the girl seems to be choosing this.

It's insanity to advise anyone to have a 16 year old boy adopt a baby. Would you want to be adopted by a 16 year old boy?


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## Anonymous07

RedAlphaHog1 said:


> It was discussed, but she is choosing to have the baby. Thanks for pointing out the closed adoption process. I do worry about her changing her mind about giving the baby up for adoption.


Adoption is wonderful, both open and closed adoptions. I have seen both and don't think one is necessarily better than the other. 

My cousin is adopted and her birth mom and my aunt have always kept in contact(birth mom went to my cousin's wedding just the other week). My other cousin gave her son up for adoption and also keeps in contact with the adoptive parents(they exchange pictures). I also have other adopted cousins who were through closed adoptions and it has worked out well, too. The only added positive I see to an open adoption is that the child won't have to wonder who their mom and dad are, what they look like, what their background is, etc., since they can have access to all of that.

Keep in mind though, with either an open or closed adoption, it is very tough to go through. Giving up the baby will be rough. She has to carry the baby for 9 months, bonding with him or her all along the way, and then have nothing to "show" for it(so to speak). I think it would be beneficial for her and your son to see a counselor to talk about those issues.


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## richie33

EnjoliWoman said:


> It doesn't shock me, I thought it was worth exploring, though. It wasn't mentioned yet it seems she's early enough in her pregnancy.
> 
> I don't like it when it's used multiple times as birth control by women who don't take precautions; nor do I like it when a guy won't use protection and is flippant about the choice. But as a carefully considered option, especially for a girl this young, it is a viable one.
> 
> BTW, I'm adopted - the product of a teen mother. I'm quite pro-adoption. I think giving me up was the most UNSELFISH thing she could have ever done. It had to be heart-wrenching. But she did it because she knew I would have a better life with two parents who desperately wanted me. And it freed her up to reach her full potential (she became a doctor based on my research).


Thanks for sharing that.


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## PBear

Hicks said:


> Adoption into a two parent family adults is a great choice. You should be overjoyed that the girl seems to be choosing this.
> 
> It's insanity to advise anyone to have a 16 year old boy adopt a baby. Would you want to be adopted by a 16 year old boy?


If the child's father retains custody, it's not an adoption any more than if the child's mother keeps the baby. But I suspect he's not really looking for that kind of responsibity right now anyway...

To the OP, just get a grasp on your legal situation BEFORE the child is born. You don't want to be reacting when she's walking out the hospital door with your grandchild, not knowing what you can do. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Hicks said:


> Adoption into a two parent family adults is a great choice. You should be overjoyed that the girl seems to be choosing this.
> 
> It's insanity to advise anyone to have a 16 year old boy adopt a baby. Would you want to be adopted by a 16 year old boy?


The OP's son cannot adopt his own baby. That's not how is works.

If he's the bio dad, he has the legal rights and responsibilities for that baby. She he can have joint custody with the girl.. or she can give up sole custody to the boy. But if she does not give the baby up for adoption, OP's son is on the hook for child support for at least 18 years. That means that OP will be paying for years to come.

There are countless 16 year old girls who end up keeping their babies and raising them. I see no difference in a 16 year old boy doing the same thing. IT's called have real life making them grow up.

This is exactly why the idea that teens have the have sex it so ridiculous. Babies happen from sex. Even the best forms of birth control fail. Then society ends up with this kind of problem. 

Mother and child can get on welfare now. If the boy takes custody he can get on welfare. 

Welfare will come after which ever parent does not have custody for child support payments.


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## RedAlphaHog1

The girl's dad just told me that they have retained an adoption lawyer and an adoption councelor (via a voicemail he left me). I'll get more details on this after work this evening.


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## RedAlphaHog1

RedAlphaHog1 said:


> The girl's dad just told me that they have retained an adoption lawyer and an adoption councelor (via a voicemail he left me). I'll get more details on this after work this evening.


I misunderstood the voice mail. He retained an adoption lawyer, but she also provides counseling.

We have a lawyer picked out as well, and we'll be meeting with her soon. Thanks to all of you for your comments and guidance - they are much appreciated!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RedAlphaHog1

Update: we have retained a lawyer, and she is exactly what we needed. She even researched additional prenatal paternity tests for us. We were headed down this path, but someone decided to throw us a curve ball.

Several weeks ago, my son was pulled out of his class by another student. This student was representing the Journalism class at the school, and she asked my son to get "his side of the story on the pregnancy". He declined comment, went back to class, then started texting me all day because he had no clue what was going on.

Once I figured out who the sponsor of the class was, I called her. Indeed, she said she sent her students out to get a local feel for the issue of teen pregnancy. This article is apparently going to be in the yearbook (I kid you not). She also stated that they were planning on following the pregnant girl around to get various "photo ops". I pretty much chewed on her ass for about 10 minutes at that time - basically telling her that she failed to get my permission to talk to him about a private matter. Her only rebuttal was that "does she need to get my permission to talk to him about sports?". I said from this point on, hell yes and end of discussion. She apparently searched out my son after our phone call to apologize - and then went to the principal to cry her case.

As unbelievable as this sounds, the principal looks to be handling this situation with kid gloves. The article looks to be proceeding as planned, but on a national basis about teen pregnancy as opposed to having the local flavor. Either way, something in my gut is telling me to not trust this situation. Secondly, we need to put the prenatal paternity test on hold until I know for sure what is in this article. I'm not going to do the test, have it come back positive towards my son, then have the results published in a yearbook for all eternity - ain't happening. My lawyer agrees with this strategy as well.

There's some other minor stuff, but I'm not getting into that right now (from the pregnant girl's social media site). That pretty much gets you guys up to speed - good times, my friends...


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## Miss Taken

Wow, sorry to hear about the drama. I am shocked to hear about the teacher. Bad judgment and no tact. 

Glad that you have retained a lawyer.


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## turnera

As someone who's dealt with schools and rumors and slander, GET A LAWYER to deal with the school. Have your lawyer contact the school district superintendent AND the Board of Directors of the school district and tell them that if this story - or at least his and her involvement in it - isn't killed, they WILL find themselves in court. With full press.


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## soccermom2three

In my experience, the school and the districts first priority is to cover their asses. Students are the last on their list. I would have my attorney write them letter like right now. They do not want bad publicity or lawsuits. Usually the loudest and most persistent parents wins.


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## Froggi

I am really getting annoyed by the "girl is a masterminded *****" stuff.

Assuming she will have to test several guys? Saying she poked holes in a condom?

Geez people. Can it not be that two kids had sex and the girl got knocked up?


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