# Greetings Friends (and others)



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Back from the penalty box.

I will admit some surprise at being sent there, but it's not my board, so I submit to those in authority.

I still maintain that anyone who stalks someone they've fired on this board "should" hear about it - in the most direct manner possible. And, the spouse who is being stalked should not be signing off and/or trying to please the stalker in any way shape, or form. That's not what this is about.

I've read quite a few threads in the past week and I must say I'm a bit concerned. Still far too much focus on the "whys" and the "wherefores"... the "how could theys"

This is called wallowing in victimhood.

The fact is... THEY DID

And, the challenge here is what are WE going to DO?

Trying to decipher why someone fired you can actually be helpful. Reflecting on the dynamic of the relationship and how you might have changed it while in process? Also good.

Yet, when you get fired, mark this well.

Your former partner IS detached. That's what firing is about.

I have fired a partner in the past. I remember how hard and cold my heart was at that point. Of course, she vindicated my actions by re-litigating the divorce after a mid-six figure lump sum settlement, but I digress.

I'm going to talk quite a bit about the reactivity and pointlessness of wallowing in the next few days.

What we must do is strive for proactivity and building a life.

Remember - talk (wallow) less - DO more.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hi, Conrad!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Hi, Conrad!


Yo JB!


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

I am "happiernow" that you are back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ReGroup said:


> I am "happiernow" that you are back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that KC and Script blew all their stuff away, I lost like 300 posts.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Welcome back, jail bird!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

zillard said:


> Welcome back, jail bird!


I'm glad one of the "others" chimed in


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I'm glad one of the "others" chimed in


I'm ok with that. :thumbup:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

'Rad: I , for one, am all too glad that you're back!


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Good to see you making the rounds again, Conrad.

:toast:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

quick Conrad, the liberals took over the political section in your absence!!


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Welcome back, Conrad!

I know perfectly well WHY I was fired, and am working on myself for me -- to make myself a better, healthier person regardless of what the future may hold.

My big bothersome "WHY" du jour is: WHY is my STBXH delaying setting a court date and getting the D over with, now that all issues are settled and all paperwork signed and submitted weeks ago? He already told me he got his own health insurance, so I know that's not the cause of not finalizing the D. I suppose there could be several explanations for the delay:

1. He wants to torture me somemore by leaving that door open just a wee tiny crack that perhaps he might have second thoughts. 
2. He needs a copy of the marriage lisence as part of the filing requirements, and is too chicken$hyt to ask me for it -- so he is waiting to get it through the mail from the court where we registered (Key West, FL).
3. He is too "busy"?

How can I move on and heal properly until I know I'm officially single again? I cannot beleive I am still in limbo for over a year now. It eats at me, and it sux.

Glad you are back.

Best,- A12


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Preach it brother. We're all ears.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Awakening2012 said:


> Welcome back, Conrad!
> 
> I know perfectly well WHY I was fired, and am working on myself for me -- to make myself a better, healthier person regardless of what the future may hold.
> 
> ...


If you are uncomfortable with the delay, seize the moment and dictate the terms to him.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> If you are uncomfortable with the delay, seize the moment and dictate the terms to him.


Hi Conrad - 

Thank you for your reply. This makes sense and I might ultimately have to do it myself with my own attorney. I kept copies of all the paperwork, so I could even just replicate it, but make him the defendant and me the plaintiff. Though I would still have to get his signature on the separation agreement and waiver of process server notice before I could file the papers with the court. Giving him another opportunity to stall 

Are you sure I should not send him a short email saying, "I am not OK with you stalling the divorce by not requesting the court to set a hearing date."?

Most everyone has said NO -- do NOT contact him whatsoever under any circumstances, just let it be and consider this a lesson in patience and letting go. Or maybe out-passive aggressiving him  

Patience and letting go. Not my strong suits 

Best Regards,- A12


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Don't say anything.

Just do it.

Talk less - do more.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Awakening2012 said:


> Though I would still have to get his signature on the separation agreement and waiver of process server notice before I could file the papers with the court. Giving him another opportunity to stall


Can't you have the court serve him to avoid this possible stall?


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi Zillard - 

Yes, however, going that route -- having him served vs. having him sign a waiver of notice to be served -- besides costingme more lawyer fees puts in place additional time delays and waiting periods. I could try to find a private process server, but if served through the Sheriff's office that time window is 3-4 weeks. Once served, he has 21 days to "answer" or not respond to the complaint. At that point, assumingnon-response, I would be able to file a request with the court to schedule on _Ore Tenus_ hearing. So we're talking a couple months and around $500. Crazy, since he is poised to get it done as soon as they can get it scheduled (but he has so far held off on filing the request to set a hearing date). But you are correct, it technically remains an option for me to start my own proceedings...I will look into it.

Thanks again. Best Regards,- A12


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

As you know, I've been slogging through similar problems with my AXW. Let's see...



Awakening2012 said:


> Crazy, since he is poised to get it done as soon as they can get it scheduled (but he has so far held off on filing the request to set a hearing date).


First, I don't recall... Does he have his own lawyer?


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi PB - Yes, he has legal counsel working with him as far as I know (preparing ad filing the documents, navigating the process.

But his lawyer works under STBZX's direction to whether and when to proceed with requesting a court date,

He 's dragging his feet for reasons unknown 

Best, A12


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## thisSux (Jan 8, 2013)

Welcome back Conrad

such a same that being direct and honest in a place where honesty is paramount saw you sin binned


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

thisSux said:


> Welcome back Conrad
> 
> such a same that being direct and honest in a place where honesty is paramount saw you sin binned


TS,

Harry Truman - one of my favorite Presidents - was from Missouri. Missouri mules are kind of a strange breed.

His fans were fond of saying "Give 'em hell Harry"

He'd respond, "I tell 'em the truth and they think it's hell"

I could say the same for stalkers of fired spouses.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> As you know, I've been slogging through similar problems with my AXW. Let's see...
> 
> 
> 
> First, I don't recall... Does he have his own lawyer?


Hi PB - Yes, I think STBXH does have a lawyer who helped him draw up the documents and do the filings with the court. I don't want the D, but am not going to resist it either and did not find anything objectionable in the documents, since it just affirms all our issues are settled, no kids, nothing contested around property or finances. My only problem was with the waiver of notice to be sevred, which waives my rights to be notified of the court date and receive a copy of the final divorce decree. STBXH "said" he would notify me of the court date and make sure I get a copy of the final D papers. I signed it, and said "OK, fine, let's be done with it, thank you very much." As Tron pointed out, I can get these things on my own anyway, but calling the court to get the hearing date (I have the case number), and go over there later myself to obtain the divorce document for a small fee.

Best Regards,- A12


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Glad your back...


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Dear Conrad, PB, Zillard and all who commented - 

I posted this on my thread but wanted to share it here, too, for those who've followed and commented. I got an update e-mail just now from my STBXH that somewhat alleviates my limbo anxiety. Here is what he said:

"Just wanted to give you a quick update on the court date. Unfortunately, the law firm that is handling it is the "Spirit Airlines" of the legal profession. Low cost equals volume X little customer service. He has a set number of openings and flexibility is not an option. [Friend serving as corraborating witness] is coming from Annapolis and is only available on certain days because of his auction commitments. I gave them a couple of tentative dates and they are going to let me know if they get any cancellations. Worst case, end of May. Hope you are well."

I send a short "thanks for letting me know" and asked my question about what he intends to state as the reason for the D, and would he and his witness please refrain from referencing my health issues.

He said, "I doubt the question will come up, but of course, I would never say anything to embarrass you." Then he made a little joke about he'll say it was due to my intolerance of his snoring or chronic flatulence  His sense of humor was always oneof his greatest assets and one of the things I miss the most about him.

I accept that he is going ahead with the D, but cannot help feeling sad.

Heavy hearted today, - A12


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## EADGBe (Mar 14, 2012)

Welcome back *Conrad*.


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

Welcome back Conrad!

Go on- expose the affair!!! =D


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

BTW- you now qualify for club membership
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social-spot/72663-10k-posts-club-members-only.html


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Awakening2012 said:


> Dear Conrad, PB, Zillard and all who commented -
> 
> I posted this on my thread but wanted to share it here, too, for those who've followed and commented. I got an update e-mail just now from my STBXH that somewhat alleviates my limbo anxiety. Here is what he said:
> 
> ...


I’m so sorry, A12.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> I’m so sorry, A12.


Thank you, FF -- at least it will bring closure and the relieve of being out of the hell of limbo. This is not what I expected my life to be, but I guess we all have to swallow and cope with changes that we would not have wated or ever imagined. How that person goes fro being the love of your life and most important person to you, to someone you barely recogize? I can only say, my hats off to those married couples that manage to stay together for the long haul.

Who knows what the future will hold? Trying to stay positive  

Best, - A12


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