# my husband wants a divorce



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Hello. My name is Denise and I am here to hopefully find some insight and advice. A little background info on me....been married for 17 years and have 2 little boys. My husband and I have had many problems thruout our marriage but none that we didn't work out....until now. Actually, we saw a marriage counselor today for the first time. I have a history of hiding things from my husband...in November I told him that I hadn't been paying the mortgage since Feb. and the mortgage company wants to foreclose. We are currently trying to do a modification. I know that is a MAJOR problem and it just kinda snowballed and I lost control of the situation. We were attempting to work thru it and seemed to make some positive progress...but he informed me that he just cant trust me and doesn't think that he ever really will again. I thought that he was having an affair and I didn't want to make it seem like I didn't trust him, I asked my sister if she would make it seem like she found the info...she agreed. I was devastated thinking that he was having an affair and I told his mom the whole story with the exception of me not paying the mortgage. So I made my husband's family mad at him for something he didnt' even do. Fast forward to today....after our counseling session, my husband said that he just can't do it. He fears that I will lie again and again. He wants a divorce. I don't want one. I told him that obviously I have issues and that is why I want to go to a therapist....to work out me....so then I can work on us. I know my words don't mean much to him...so I told him the only thing I can do for the moment is to show him by my actions. But I guess it is too late. Any adivice?


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## kingsqueen (Nov 25, 2010)

Wow, this is a rough thing to deal with, especially at this time of year.

I can't say that I blame him for wanting a divorce ... you put your joint financial future in jeopardy. That is terrifying. How did he not know that you hadn't paid the mortgage since February? That is almost an entire year. Does he not pay attention to your family finances?

Why did you suspect that he is having an affair? This was never confirmed, yet you told his family that it was true?

That is a lot of deceitful, damaging behaviour. The past is the best indicator of the future, unfortunately. For all he knows, you will drive him into the ground financially and slander him to all his friends and family.

I am not trying to be harsh ... but on what grounds do you honestly expect him to stay?


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

I was always the one in charge of paying the bills.

I suspected he was having an affair because I noticed a number on our phone bill that I didn't recognize. They would talk while he said he was at work working late. Then I saw him on a "dating" website. Those 2 things led me to believe that he was having an affair. 

As for the phone number....he was confiding in a female collegue because his guy friends would just make fun of him.

As for the dating website...he wasn't on there to try and hook up with someone. He was just looking at people's profiles. I 100% believe him but unfortunately my jealousy got the best of me before we had our confrontation.

I know I have made ALOT of damaging mistakes. That is why I am hoping a therapist can help me get to the root of the problem so that I do not make these mistakes again.


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