# Wife and her boyfriend. 3 rd time



## docj

My wife and I live 1000 miles. Im in Oklahoma. Work reasons. Shes a teacher and im in construction but at the end of the year we will be back in one house.
She has an ex male co worker who is a very good friend of hers. In fact where they worked at together in the past she tells me people thought that they were having an affair cause of the way they were close. But it was just friendship.
Shes told me about him and even tells me when he is coming over to fix her portfolio on her computer at her apartment. Infact on that day i called and she said i should say hello to him and we spoke for like a minute. He is good at comps an dmy wife isnt.
Second time he visited to work on the portfolio, she called me and put him on the line too. 
Today he is coming again to work on the portfolio at her place. He is married and my wife tells me he is dedicated to his wife. Just wondering why my wife doesnt go over to his house to work on it there. Anyway.
She has told me she trusts him and even for her birthday could go out for lunch or a game of pool or a beer with him. But she wouldnt go out to a movie or dinner out with him as it may upset his wife and it could look bad if someone saw them out together. Fair enough.
Shes working on her portfolio as shes changing jobs to try and get a job where he works now as its a better school.
He is a nice man and said next time i visit their state she should bring me over to his place etc etc etc.
Im i reading to much into this? Or is this wierd?
I dont know if shes just blind siding me i dont know. I want to hear what married folks say. Thanks.

Oh and i wonder doesnt his wife wonder why he is always going to help my wife with her portfolio at her place? ??????? ?


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## docj

Someone please answer lol. 68 views no answer


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## in my tree

I really don't have advice but that does seem suspicious. Have you asked your wife why he always has to come over to her place?


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## Chris Taylor

Let me get this straight... you're 1000 miles away, won't be back for another five or so months and a guy is making visits to your house to see your wife.

You said she trusts him but you never said whether YOU trust him or whether YOU trust your wife.

Of course she'll put him on the phone. Sooner or later someone would say to you "who's that guy who has been visiting your wife while you were out of town?" and she'll have nothing(?) to hide.

Other people thought they were having an affair. I think they are having an affair. When will you think the same thing.

I'm not sure what you can do about it. You can say "Honey, I'm not comfortable with Joe coming over the house" and she'll say OK, but then keep doing it.


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## SadSamIAm

This could be an honest friend or she could be having an affair. You will have to do some investigation to find out.

I know when I was stupid and single and 19 years old, I was out having a going away party at the place I worked. Several people were out having drinks. Ended up with me and a married woman from work (about 25 years old) as the only two left at the bar. She said we should go to another bar. I said sure. We left and she said she had to stop at home to get something. Invited me in. 

She phoned her husband to tell him what we were doing. Going for a drink. She talked all lovey dovey to her husband and how she missed him and how were the kids and when would he be home. 

When she got off the phone, she sexually attacked me. She was calling her husband to make sure he was still out of town.


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## the guy

I think this is on its way to a EA (emotional affair). I also think that OM (other man) is keeping secrets from his own wife and thats no good, especially since your wife is part of it.

This may bretty be freash and your wife is niave to the complications that are being created. See she sees this as a friend ship were you me and the OM see this a possiblity to start a PA (physical affair).

If your wife stays strong with her boundries and OM does come on to her. OM will see that being stuck is the friend zone isn't worth it an will move on.

The scary part is the OM with time, will work on her vunerablity and emotionally connect with her and it will work b/c you are not there to counter the attack. So now here we are weeks maybe months later as your wife become more vunerable and emotions increase and she pays the price for this friendship by excepting OM's advances do to her weakness of having a emotional conttection with you.

It sounds like your wife has boundries, but with you not around I can see those boundries slowly coming down, while you are not around to "plant" those seed of approval and validation when you guys make love. 

I think the OM will continue to work on the void your wife has growing in her that is created by your absence.

Maybe I'm wrong, but then again were is OMW (other mans wife)?

I suggest you do your own investigation and find a way to see how much she is telling is really whats going on. I would go with telling her you are going to make a surprise visit, and when she askes when tell her that is won't be a suprise if she knew when.

In the next few weeks you *might * see the communication between the two of you to become less frequent, you may find that she no longer calls you, but you are the anly one doing the calling, in time you will hear it in her voice the distance, the calls will be short and distant.

These things neeed to be watched...with your distance it is all you can do to watch for red flags. Then at this point it may be time to hire a PI.


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## Toffer

Walk this line very carefully!

I agree that it could be either way right now.

I would at least tell my wife that you're not comfortable with another man being in your home when you're not around and so far away

Do you have contact information for the wife of the OM?

You could always call her and see if she knows why he alsways has to go to your house!


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## sisters359

It sounds very innocent, esp. since she wants you to meet him and his wife. I'm sure it is hard *not* to be suspicous with that much time and distance between you. Can you check her phone records online? that might really help set you at ease--or not.


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## [email protected]

I agree with Topher - see if you can get ahold of the OM's wife and have a chat with her.

The other thing you can probably check are her text messages, might be interesting to see if and how often the OM and your wife are texting.


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## TBT

Sounds like she's just covering her a*s.I assume she's a teacher,so what exactly is it about her portfolio that this guy needs to come over 3 times to help?How long does he stay for?Does she say why she can't do this at his home?

The last time they worked together people thought they were in an affair.One person I can see being mistaken,but more than that I think they were seeing smoke and you know what that generally means.Now she's planning on working with him again,so maybe you got all the back story to explain any future rumors.

Personally,I think it's inappropriate for a married man that you barely know to be frequenting your W's apt. when you're away from home.At the least I would tell her you're not comfortable with it,because you're not!


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## Toffer

OP,

Is there also a friend or buddy who could keep an eye on her, perhaps the next time lover boy pops over?

What the heck is this guy doing with her portofolio anyway?


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## anchorwatch

docj said:


> My wifey and I have been discussing swapping. We did it once with a couple and another time she did it with this guy.
> Now the 2 nd guy, she is the one who said she wanted to do it with him and even told him so. I encouraged her to do it.
> Now she feels guilty, and cheap.
> She says the other guy also feels bad and is not interested in doing it again as he feels guilty( he doesnt know that i know).
> He doesnt even call her anymore.
> She too says she feels guilty. She blames me.
> She doesnt want to have sex with me again or even have any form of intimacy. Im a Christian and i know it was wrong. THE dEVIL IS A LIAR.
> How do we recover?
> She has said its okay if i go have sex with someone else or get a separation.
> Her answers to :
> 
> Do you want to separate? I dont know
> Do you want to remain married? I dont know
> Do you want to seek counselling? I dont know
> Do you want to pray about it ( and shes a Christian) is go pray by yourself.
> 
> So i asked why she is still wearing her wedding rings her answer was " cause im married."
> 
> So im confused. Please help. I want to make it work.
> I dont want another woman, even for sex.


This is your post from a number of years ago. 

Did you resolve your boundary issues? 

Is this the same wife?

If it is, you should be worried.


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## wiigirl

in my tree said:


> I really don't have advice but that does seem suspicious. Have you asked your wife why he always has to come over to her place?












I bet even though it seems completely innocent, she is not ok with it for whatever reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

My wife's birthday is coming up. I wont be there. I wanted to see her reaction so I suggested she can go out with him for her birthday. Her answer was " I wont argue with you. If you think he should take me out on my birthday then okay I don't mind".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

wiigirl said:


> I bet even though it seems completely innocent, she is not ok with it for whatever reason.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

anchorwatch said:


> This is your post from a number of years ago.
> 
> Did you resolve your boundary issues?
> 
> Is this the same wife?
> 
> If it is, you should be worried.[/QUOT
> 
> Different woman
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

After he left her house yesterday and I did speak to both of them to say hello, the first thing she said when I called was " hey we finished the portfolio and sent it. Morris is here wanna talk to him.." I spoke to him and briefly and then her. She later called me at work at night but my phone was off cause I was working. Her text then was " why aren't you answering....are you mad at me"?. I later replied.....why would I be mad?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

Different woman. It seems you still have the same problems with boundaries. You have no problems with her being alone with him. You even give her permission to go out with him. So what's you question?


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## Entropy3000

docj said:


> My wife and I live 1000 miles. Im in Oklahoma. Work reasons. Shes a teacher and im in construction but at the end of the year we will be back in one house.
> She has an ex male co worker who is a very good friend of hers. In fact where they worked at together in the past she tells me people thought that they were having an affair cause of the way they were close. But it was just friendship.
> Shes told me about him and even tells me when he is coming over to fix her portfolio on her computer at her apartment. Infact on that day i called and she said i should say hello to him and we spoke for like a minute. He is good at comps an dmy wife isnt.
> Second time he visited to work on the portfolio, she called me and put him on the line too.
> Today he is coming again to work on the portfolio at her place. He is married and my wife tells me he is dedicated to his wife. Just wondering why my wife doesnt go over to his house to work on it there. Anyway.
> She has told me she trusts him and even for her birthday could go out for lunch or a game of pool or a beer with him. But she wouldnt go out to a movie or dinner out with him as it may upset his wife and it could look bad if someone saw them out together. Fair enough.
> Shes working on her portfolio as shes changing jobs to try and get a job where he works now as its a better school.
> He is a nice man and said next time i visit their state she should bring me over to his place etc etc etc.
> Im i reading to much into this? Or is this wierd?
> I dont know if shes just blind siding me i dont know. I want to hear what married folks say. Thanks.
> 
> Oh and i wonder doesnt his wife wonder why he is always going to help my wife with her portfolio at her place? ??????? ?


Whether it is weird or not I would not be ok with any of this.

Putting a guy on the phone means nothing but trying to placate you. Trust me there have been women who were riding another guy while on the phone with their SO. Ok, ok that is crude and not saying this is the case in your situation ... BUT just that it means nothing that she puts him on the phone. I don't think this is a good idea. 

There is a bond with them and you are not meeting each others needs right now. She is having some needs met by this other man. That is very risky of an EA already. PLUS him going over her apartment instead of her coming to his and his wife's place is dubious, IMO. Inappropriate and very risky stuff. Her now wanting to go work with him is telling as well. Realize that they are likely into an EA and he will have to quit that job if so.


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## Entropy3000

:redcard:



docj said:


> My wife's birthday is coming up. I wont be there. I wanted to see her reaction so I suggested she can go out with him for her birthday. Her answer was " I wont argue with you. If you think he should take me out on my birthday then okay I don't mind".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:slap:

Last few posts indicate to me you are playing games with this. I find that weird. You should not encourage this. In fact you have every reason to tell her you do not want them meeting again ... period.

Best of luck. You do have a third person in your marriage. But that third person is fast becoming you.


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## docj

I didn't say I was ok with them meeting. If I was I wouldn't be here. What I said was I tested her by suggesting if she would go out with him on her birthday. That would have told me a lot. Her response was "okay if you want me to I wont argue. Ill go out with him on my birthday...." No where have I said I support this. I WAS TESTING HER.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

They have finished the portfolio and it has been submitted. Ill see if there are any reasons now for them to meet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

My thing is......what does his wife say. I know if I was a woman my husband wouldn't be going to a woman's house three times to work on her portfolio.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

docj said:


> I didn't say I was ok with them meeting. If I was I wouldn't be here. What I said was I tested her by suggesting if she would go out with him on her birthday. That would have told me a lot. Her response was "okay if you want me to I wont argue. Ill go out with him on my birthday...." No where have I said I support this. I WAS TESTING HER.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope. I get that you thought it was a test. But whether it was a test or not you did suggest this to her.

So is she going out with him on her birthday?

My point is why are you testing her at all instead of setting proper boundaries.

BUT, you did get your answer to your TEST. She is all for expanding this relationship and being more open about it. 

How do you think she interpreted your test?


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## Entropy3000

docj said:


> My thing is......what does his wife say. I know if I was a woman my husband wouldn't be going to a woman's house three times to work on her portfolio.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yet a man is visiting your wife and you have not told her this is unacceptable.

Sorry if you told your wife this was unacceptable and that she must cut off her relationship and that you are no ok with her working with him and I missed you posting this. maybe I just skimmed to much. If so I apologize for thinking you were being very accepting and doing a lot of waiting and seeing.


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## anchorwatch

OK, what was your plan when she failed your test? She thinks you have no problem with it. Did you have one?


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## Cosmos

I think when there are long distances relationships there has to be a lot of trust and firm boundaries in place. When it's a marriage, even more so. IMO, unless his W accompanies him, it isn't appropriate for your W's co-worker to be visiting her at home as it could so easily turn into an EA. Unless his W is included, I also feel it's inappropriate for him to take her out on her birthday.

I think you and your W would be well advised to set some boundaries for whilst you're living apart, OP.


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## anchorwatch

docj said:


> My thing is......what does his wife say. I know if I was a woman my husband wouldn't be going to a woman's house three times to work on her portfolio.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you say? Why did you allow your wife to have a man in the house 3x? Will you still allow her to have one on one contact with him?


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## Entropy3000

I mean the title of the thread is "Wife and her boyfriend. 3 rd time". Not my wife and her male friend.


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## docj

If I tell her to stop the only thing she will do is conceal it better. My weapon s investigation and surprise
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

anchorwatch said:


> What do you say? Why did you allow your wife to have a man in the house 3x? Will you still allow her to have one on one contact with him?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

Your in a mining camp,1000 miles away. What weapons do you have? She is doing what ever she wants. You have no idea. You never set any bounderies, and you can't from where you are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

Is your wife good looking? If she isn't an ugly hag read the following:

You're a man, you do know what is going on on that guy's head don't you? don't you have all the answers you need right there?

Don't let your idea of a modern marriage, where the wife welcomes a male friend she has complimented into her house very often, cloud your judgment . And this:



> She has told me she trusts him and even for her birthday could go out for lunch or a game of pool or a beer with him. But she wouldnt go out to a movie or dinner out with him as it may upset his wife and it could look bad if someone saw them out together.


See that she doesn't see it as inappropriate (and it is). She just fears what other people might think. A tang of guilt perhaps?

You want to put it to the test? ask her to get some distance from this guy. Watch her reactions. If she respects your wish (hell you're her husband, if you're uncomfortable with it she should comply) and actually follows suit, then fine. You've dodged the bullet. If she starts getting all sorts of mad and making arguments about them being "just friends" and basically demonstrating a huge reluctance putting a stop to something you're not ok with she is likely having an EA (if not worse). Act now.


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## docj

costa200 said:


> Is your wife good looking? If she isn't an ugly hag read the following:
> 
> You're a man, you do know what is going on on that guy's head don't you? don't you have all the answers you need right there?
> 
> Don't let your idea of a modern marriage, where the wife welcomes a male friend she has complimented into her house very often, cloud your judgment . And this:
> 
> 
> 
> See that she doesn't see it as inappropriate (and it is). She just fears what other people might think. A tang of guilt perhaps?
> 
> You want to put it to the test? ask her to get some distance from this guy. Watch her reactions. If she respects your wish (hell you're her husband, if you're uncomfortable with it she should comply) and actually follows suit, then fine. You've dodged the bullet. If she starts getting all sorts of mad and making arguments about them being "just friends" and basically demonstrating a huge reluctance putting a stop to something you're not ok with she is likely having an EA (if not worse). Act now.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Well said Costa and all. I go up to visit in 3 weeks. We had agreed on this. So when I called yesterday n spoke to her n he was there she said " so you are coming up on such n such a date n leaving on such n such a date....."The conversation went like this.
Me: hello
HER: Hey babe we finished the portfolio ................. 30 sec later ...." Morris is here wanna say hi....
Morris: hi
Me: hi................... okay bye
Her: so you will be here on such n such dates......
Me...yeah.......going to in to work talk to you later.


She also.went into work hours later n called me on her break but I as also at work n couldn't answer. So she sent.a text saying.
Her: called you n you didn't answer. Are you mad at me?
later I replied
Me: no why would I be mad at you ....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

docj, i'm giving it to you straight. This:



> She also.went into work hours later n called me on her break but I as also at work n couldn't answer. So she sent.a text saying.
> Her: called you n you didn't answer. Are you mad at me?


Screams guilt. If she was innocently doing some stuff work related without even realizing how inappropriate it is for a married woman to receive a guy in her house (that will be her official story i'm willing to bet) she would not have this reaction to a simple not answering the phone. She knows she is blurring the lines. It's obvious. 

She is also trying to convince herself that she isn't really cheating (hence she presenting you the guy and all). So chances are good this is just an EA if that (evaluate that after her reaction).

I just hope you get there in time to save this situation. Can't you fly over there sooner? Perhaps... Dropping by unannounced? That would be ideal!


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## Entropy3000

costa200 said:


> Is your wife good looking? If she isn't an ugly hag read the following:
> 
> You're a man, you do know what is going on on that guy's head don't you? don't you have all the answers you need right there?
> 
> Don't let your idea of a modern marriage, where the wife welcomes a male friend she has complimented into her house very often, cloud your judgment . And this:
> 
> 
> 
> See that she doesn't see it as inappropriate (and it is). She just fears what other people might think. A tang of guilt perhaps?
> 
> You want to put it to the test? ask her to get some distance from this guy. Watch her reactions. If she respects your wish (hell you're her husband, if you're uncomfortable with it she should comply) and actually follows suit, then fine. You've dodged the bullet. If she starts getting all sorts of mad and making arguments about them being "just friends" and basically demonstrating a huge reluctance putting a stop to something you're not ok with she is likely having an EA (if not worse). Act now.


The reason the lunch would be ok with his wife is that his wife will not know about it. Him being gone on a date at night would be obvious to her.


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## Entropy3000

docj said:


> Well said Costa and all. I go up to visit in 3 weeks. We had agreed on this. So when I called yesterday n spoke to her n he was there she said " so you are coming up on such n such a date n leaving on such n such a date....."The conversation went like this.
> Me: hello
> HER: Hey babe we finished the portfolio ................. 30 sec later ...." Morris is here wanna say hi....
> Morris: hi
> Me: hi................... okay bye
> Her: so you will be here on such n such dates......
> Me...yeah.......going to in to work talk to you later.
> 
> 
> She also.went into work hours later n called me on her break but I as also at work n couldn't answer. So she sent.a text saying.
> Her: called you n you didn't answer. Are you mad at me?
> later I replied
> Me: no why would I be mad at you ....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The fact he is there when you call would seem to indicate he is there often and not for short times. I am betting the guys wife does not know.

Are you sure this guy is married? How do you know he is not staying at your house?


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## docj

Yeah he's married. I wonder what story he gives his wife " oh honey I'm going to help Cindy with her portfolio. " Next week same thing. Two weeks later same thing ....... WHAT WIFE WOULDN'T BE SUSPICIOUS? ?????

Yea she was asking if I was mad for not answering the phone ....I WAS AT WORK.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

She leaves work at 7 am and has to sleep as she works at 11 pm. Its 4 pm and I've called her four times. No answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07

What portifolio? Don't they have a computer at the school? They do!! 3 times was unnecessary.




docj said:


> After he left her house yesterday and I did speak to both of them to say hello, the first thing she said when I called was " hey we finished the portfolio and sent it. Morris is here wanna talk to him.." I spoke to him and briefly and then her. She later called me at work at night but my phone was off cause I was working. Her text then was " why aren't you answering....are you mad at me"?. I later replied.....why would I be mad?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



HUGE HUGE red flag. She is feeling guilty and is panicking. Can you afford someone to spy on her or bug your house?

Her replies seem to suggest that she wants to make it seem that you are pushing her on to him and she is not doing it otherwise. This :can" be used later to blame you for pushing her on to him. Ask her to cancel the birthday plans with this guy unless nhis wife is involved


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## costa200

docj said:


> She leaves work at 7 am and has to sleep as she works at 11 pm. Its 4 pm and I've called her four times. No answer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mellow Docj... What are you going to do by phone? Think things through. I know you're just boiling to let her have it, but pan what you are going to say and how. Going ballistic on the phone is a bad idea.


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## docj

No I'm not calling to goballistic. I'm calling to say hello. We talk daily. TODAY WE HAVENT SPOKEN AT ALL. I've called her several times. I don't think from 7 am to now. 530 on she is still asleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

warlock07 said:


> What portifolio? Don't they have a computer at the school? They do!! 3 times was unnecessary.
> 
> Makes a it of sense hadn't seen it this way.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> HUGE HUGE red flag. She is feeling guilty and is panicking. Can you afford someone to spy on her or bug your house?
> 
> Her replies seem to suggest that she wants to make it seem that you are pushing her on to him and she is not doing it otherwise. This :can" be used later to blame you for pushing her on to him. Ask her to cancel the birthday plans with this guy unless nhis wife is involved


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Makes a lot of sense. Hadn't seen it this way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

docj said:


> No I'm not calling to goballistic. I'm calling to say hello. We talk daily. TODAY WE HAVENT SPOKEN AT ALL. I've called her several times. I don't think from 7 am to now. 530 on she is still asleep.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Means nothing docj. Are you having some sort of mind movie right now of stuff that can be going on at her place or something? There are all sorts of reasons why a phone isn't picked up.


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## lifeisnotsogood

All I can say is, "I'm Sorry."

I'm sorry your wife has this "close" friend

I'm sorry he goes to your wife's place all the time.

I'm sorry they go drinking together and play pool.

But most of all...

I'm sorry you are so naive, you think you need advise from this forum to figure out what you already know.

I'm Sorry.


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## Caribbean Man

docj,
I can't say whether or not your wife is cheating.
What I can do is give you my past experience.

When I was single,I slept around a lot.
I once met this woman at a function and she invited me home. We went to her house , in an upscale neighbourhood,and we did the dirty for most of the night.
Early in the morning,the phone rang ,and while in bed with me,she was talking to her husband.I didn't know she was married. She gave me a wicked smile and put her finger on her lips. I was scared as hell,because I thought he was close.
Apparently he was working in the USA . [ I am from the Caribbean ]. After " sweet talking " him on the phone for about 10 mins,she jumped me again.
Turned out her husband was an engineer working in Texas.
I was still studying in college.


Something doesn't sound right with your wife's situation.


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## costa200

Caribbean Man said:


> docj,
> I can't say whether or not your wife is cheating.
> What I can do is give you my past experience.
> 
> When I was single,I slept around a lot.
> I once met this woman at a function and she invited me home. We went to her house , in an up scale neighbourhood,and we did the dirty for most of the night.
> Early in the morning,the phone rang ,and while in bed with me,she was talking to her husband.I didn't know she was married. She gave me a wicked smile and put her finger on her lips. I was scared as hell,because I thought he was close.
> Apparently he was working in the USA . [ I am from the Caribbean ]. After " sweet talking " him on the phone for about 10 mins,she jumped me again.
> Turned out her husband was an engineer working in Texas.
> I was still studying in college.
> 
> 
> Something doesn't sound right with your wife's situation.


Oh man... That detailed description was just what this guy needed to keep a cool rational head on his shoulders... Thanks you sexy beast from the Caribbean.


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## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> My wife's birthday is coming up. I wont be there. I wanted to see her reaction so I suggested she can go out with him for her birthday. Her answer was " I wont argue with you. If you think he should take me out on my birthday then okay I don't mind".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And his wife is okay with this, or does she even know. Maybe you should call her.


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## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> After he left her house yesterday and I did speak to both of them to say hello, the first thing she said when I called was " hey we finished the portfolio and sent it. Morris is here wanna talk to him.." I spoke to him and briefly and then her. She later called me at work at night but my phone was off cause I was working. Her text then was " why aren't you answering....are you mad at me"?. I later replied.....why would I be mad?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Guilty conscious syndrome


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## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> I didn't say I was ok with them meeting. If I was I wouldn't be here. What I said was I tested her by suggesting if she would go out with him on her birthday. That would have told me a lot. Her response was "okay if you want me to I wont argue. Ill go out with him on my birthday...." No where have I said I support this. I WAS TESTING HER.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You might as well have said, "For your birthday, you guys should have sex," I'm sure she wouldn't argue with that either.


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## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> If I tell her to stop the only thing she will do is conceal it better. My weapon s investigation and surprise
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The first thing you've written that makes sense.


----------



## docj

Called her again. No answer. I DONT THINK ANYONE SLEEPS FOR 12 HRS She left work 12 hr ago. I text her after calling AGAIN THREE TIMES " You wanna say you have been asleep for 12 hours? Hmmmm. Have a nice evening at work when you go into work in 3.5 hrs"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> Called her again. No answer. I DONT THINK ANYONE SLEEPS FOR 12 HRS She left work 12 hr ago. I text her after calling AGAIN THREE TIMES " You wanna say you have been asleep for 12 hours? Hmmmm. Have a nice evening at work when you go into work in 3.5 hrs"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe she left the phone home while doing some stuff, maybe she forgot to turn the sound back on (i do that sometimes). Chill out dude, i get the feeling you're passing on a room like a caged tiger!


----------



## docj

Well after I sent that text she called but I haven't answered it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> Well after I sent that text she called but I haven't answered it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smart. Calm yourself a bit.


----------



## docj

She sent a text saying she's bee asleep from.745 am to now 645 am 12 hrs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

Possible. I sometimes crash hard too. 
Isn't there a way for you to do a surprise visit on her place?


----------



## docj

Yea I could Costa
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hookares

This is indicative of the reason I will never enter into a long term exclusive relationship. My psyche would never be able to stand the perpetual doubt.


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

If you do surprise her, go two days early and keep an eye from afar. Rent a car and park down the street. When her portfolio buddy comes over, give them 15 minutes and then walk in quietly, but quickly. Have some flowers in your hand so the surprise seems legitimate if they were not engaged in any physical relationship. 

If you enter and they are actively working on a portfolio, fake a happy to see you smile and give her the flowers. 

If you enter and she is actively working on an orgasm, drop the plant (like in the movies) because the surprise is on you.

However you do it...good luck!


----------



## docj

Good master plan
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RClawson

docj said:


> She sent a text saying she's bee asleep from.745 am to now 645 am 12 hrs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was holding out hope until I read this.


----------



## anonymouskitty

Whoa boy, doc here's hoping for the best. But be prepared for the worst. Can you hire a PI?


----------



## Entropy3000

Yes, surprise visit home but as has been stated take a couple of days waiting for the friend to arrive. See what is going on. This is worth the investment of your time and money. You may find the guy is essentailly living there.


----------



## docj

Yes i will. Spoke to her yesterday n she saod she was asleep for 12 hrs. Also she says she isnt ibterested in foing out on her birthday with him.n will wait for me to visit the week afyer. I dunno what to make of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## in my tree

Honestly there is not much that you can make out of it until you go and see her. I think lifeisnotsogood's suggestion of going two days early is good advice. Hopefully you will then be able to see with your own eyes what is really happening in your wife's life. I hope that she isn't messing around on you, I really do. From reading this entire thread it seems that you have been through enough hell with women.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I'm not sure if there is an emotional affair going on that they are unaware or not, but this man going to your home without you there is crossing the line. 

My husband and I agreed not to have casual friendships with those of the opposite sex. This has worked out very well. I must admit that I do get jealous. I'd imagine my husband would be jealous as well if I had a male friend.


----------



## costa200

> Also she says she isnt ibterested in foing out on her birthday with him.


The way she told you this is more interesting than the information itself. How did that came up in the conversation?


----------



## docj

Costa i re asked her n she said no. Iminlovewithmyhubby i think thats the best thing you and hubby did. Inmytree yeah ill do as he suggested and go early.
Well she worked till this morning and has today and tomorrow off.f sinxe she left work ten hours ago i havent heard from.her. I called her n no answer. Im.assuming shes still asleep ten hours after leaving work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Not only arrive early but think about showing back up after she thinks your leaving.

If you have some were to stay you can show back up a few days after she thinks your gone.


----------



## docj

Yes good plan. Im still waiting for her to call back. Been ten hours since she left work. . Im.assuming shes hasbeen sleep for ten hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

> Costa i re asked her n she said no.


Oh... That's strange. She told you she was going a while ago, now you ask and she isn't going? Did she give you a reason why? Some sort of justification for this change of heart?


----------



## docj

Shes working on that day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Ive decided its my day off too and im not going to sit around. Im.going for a drink. She eventually called an hour ago and after hello n all she had a question about downloading something on the computer. The line was unclear so she said she would call back. We only spoke for two minutes. Said she would call back in.a.few minutes. Its been 55 min. Called her back twice no.answer. So i sent text saying i just wanted to.know if she figured out the download stuff and all. No text back reply either. Im going to go out. I dont know whats going on. . Unless shes on.phone and cant answer .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jonesey

Ok i give up. I have to ask you this.
Are you just messing with us? Or are just about
to set a new standard for being clueless...


Get your ass home NOW


----------



## costa200

Mental note to self:

Don't try long distance relationships... EVER...


----------



## docj

Jonesy why would i waste my time doing that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

docj said:


> Called her again. No answer. I DONT THINK ANYONE SLEEPS FOR 12 HRS She left work 12 hr ago. I text her after calling AGAIN THREE TIMES " You wanna say you have been asleep for 12 hours? Hmmmm. Have a nice evening at work when you go into work in 3.5 hrs"


Of course there are people who sleep for 12 hours. It's not the norm. But there are times that people do. I do some times. My grown kids do as well. Sometimes we burn the candle at both ends for a while and then just take a day or two to crash.


----------



## keko

docj, lets say you go to your house without giving heads up and catch your wife and OM on your bed, what will you do? Will you forgive her?


----------



## docj

Keko i wouldnt. She called back n we spoke n then she d to jumo in shower to wash her hair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Spoke for ten minutes and then she had to go wash her hair and said she would call back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Elegirl yeah true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Just take off a few days from work and book a hotel near your old house. Watch her for a few days, rent a car so as to not get caught.


----------



## docj

NEW DEVELOPMENT: .when we lst spoke two hours ago for ten minutes she was foing to shower n wash her haor n stay in doors. Two hours later ive received a text from her saying shes going camping with the kids. Her kids from ex marriage are older teens and like me. So id be ale to.ask them how camping was when i.go up in.three weeks.
Anyway the kids called her n said mom.come.camping. So shes headed there now n says reception is bad. She will be back tomorrow afternoon. Now would she use that excuse knowing ill see the kids in.three weeks n could ask them how camping was??????????????????? Wouldnt she have made up a better excuse?????? I dunno awaiting.answers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

id think she would use better excuse cause she xant ise the kids , who are close to me, to cheat and lie . But maybe yall know a way of going around this. Its camping just her n her two teen kids 15 and 17. They called her to come camp. They live with their.dad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Does anyone see a possibility here that im not seeing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

"If she is cheating" then she would be at camping but not as long she said that she would.

Keep your eyes open. Do you have close friends in the town that can spy for you ? There are huge red flags but you don't have evidence that she is cheating yet.


----------



## docj

Warlock okay. No no friends there in that city that i can have help me in tgis plan
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

She also told me of her girlfriend in California who has a nice bf but her ex came over and wants her and him to have a friends with benefits relationship. He tried to kiss her and.she slapt him. So my wife was telling me she was advicing her to stay away from this ex.
I do know my wifes ex came by two months.ago but she told me about it n how he had tried to.give her a.hug and she had.refused etc. Kinda similar story with her girlfriend and her ex wanting to be friends with benefits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I would not accuse her yet. She's being awfully honest with you. She probably does not know what goes through a man's mind when he's next to a woman.


----------



## Cosmos

docj said:


> She also told me of her girlfriend in California who has a nice bf but her ex came over and wants her and him to have a friends with benefits relationship. He tried to kiss her and.she slapt him. So my wife was telling me she was advicing her to stay away from this ex.
> I do know my wifes ex came by two months.ago but she told me about it n how he had tried to.give her a.hug and she had.refused etc. Kinda similar story with her girlfriend and her ex wanting to be friends with benefits.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does your W have children with her ex? If not, why did he visit her?

You really do need to get all these issues sorted out asap, OP, because it takes a heck of a lot of trust to have a long distance marriage like yours.


----------



## docj

No this ex who came by isnt her ex husband or the father of her kids. He is just an ex
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I would not accuse her yet. She's being awfully honest with you. She probably does not know what goes through a man's mind when he's next to a woman.


Okay you think so??!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I really do think so.

I had NO idea what goes on in a man's brain until I started reading this site and other resources!

This site has helped me be a better wife to my husband.

Edit to add--- A woman cheating on you would not disclose of a man entering the house. I do not think she is cheating at all.


----------



## Cosmos

docj said:


> No this ex who came by isnt her ex husband or the father of her kids. He is just an ex
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, she might have been open and honest with you about this, OP, but it should never have happened in the first place. What the heck is an ex BF doing popping by the house when you're not around? She shouldn't even be in contact with him, still, IMO.


----------



## anonymouskitty

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I really do think so.
> 
> I had NO idea what goes on in a man's brain until I started reading this site and other resources!
> 
> This site has helped me be a better wife to my husband.
> 
> Edit to add--- A woman cheating on you would not disclose of a man entering the house. I do not think she is cheating at all.


OH IILWMY, If you knew the lengths to which people go, to put people off their case, I know of many a man and woman who think the best place to hide is in the enemy's own backyard and its true. Have you ever wondered if the only reason she's telling him about the visits is to ensure that she has a kind of alibi, something to throw her husband off.
"Why was he here?" " Oh he was just fixing something" 

And to a spouse in denial( They all are at a point) the sound of that is like a potent drug of assurance to keep them in their blissful state of ignorance.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

anonymouskitty said:


> OH IILWMY, If you knew the lengths to which people go, to put people off their case, I know of many a man and woman who think the best place to hide is in the enemy's own backyard and its true. Have you ever wondered if the only reason she's telling him about the visits is to ensure that she has a kind of alibi, something to throw her husband off.
> "Why was he here?" " Oh he was just fixing something"
> 
> And to a spouse in denial( They all are at a point) the sound of that is like a potent drug of assurance to keep them in their blissful state of ignorance.


I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. Only because there are many women oblivious to a mans mind. There are some of us women who will not cheat.

I'm not a cheater. There is no way I could have an ea/pa on my husband no matter how bad or good the marriage is. I have been cheated on with my ex h and I was ignoring the red flags. He hid his contact with other women. He denied everything including talking to them and their meet ups.

There is no solid proof of cheating, but having a man over is totally wrong in my book. I would immediately set boundaries and put a stop to their friendship.


----------



## TBT

anonymouskitty said:


> OH IILWMY, If you knew the lengths to which people go, to put people off their case, I know of many a man and woman who think the best place to hide is in the enemy's own backyard and its true. Have you ever wondered if the only reason she's telling him about the visits is to ensure that she has a kind of alibi, something to throw her husband off.
> "Why was he here?" " Oh he was just fixing something"
> 
> And to a spouse in denial( They all are at a point) the sound of that is like a potent drug of assurance to keep them in their blissful state of ignorance.


:iagree:

Establishing her "bona fides" in a way.....appearing genuine...."I would never do that.Don't you remember what I told you about my GF and how I handled ex? How could you think differently" etc.etc.

It would be pretty coldly calculating though,if this is the case.


----------



## anonymouskitty

Hiding in Plain sight the smart ones do it all the time, If i were to have an affair I'd do this. You know how thieves and burglars throw a bone at the dog to stop it from barking? 

Now, docj I'm not suggesting that this is the case with your wife. Have you looked into maybe hiring a PI for say a week or so? Can't do much harm unless you're tight in the finance dept.


----------



## costa200

what i see is that all the common advice given here in the forum implies close proximity. People really need to get inventive to make things work long distance. 



> Establishing her "bona fides" in a way.....appearing genuine...."I would never do that.Don't you remember what I told you about my GF and how I handled ex? How could you think differently" etc.etc.
> 
> It would be pretty coldly calculating though,if this is the case.


Even more calculating, establishing an alibi if one of the neighbors sees a strange man entering the house and relays the info to the husband.

Anyway this can all be healthy paranoia. Maybe nothing is going on. But that episode of the unanswered call and the text "are you mad at me?" needs some explaining.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I agree with the PI. Especially that you are 1,000 miles from your wife. This will help you decide whether she's telling you the truth.

I do hope this distance between you comes to an end. There is no way I would agree to be apart from my husband for more then a couple weeks. He is everything to me. If he relocated due to a career opportunity, the children and I would be right there with him.


----------



## docj

Well she left to go camping last night at 7 pm in the mountains when her kids wo live with ex hubby called her to join em. She was like there is no reception there, so she will call bacy evening.when she gets back.back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Yall have great answers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I do hope this distance between you comes to an end. There is no way I would agree to be apart from my husband for more then a couple weeks. He is everything to me. If he relocated due to a career opportunity, the children and I would be right there with him.


 This is the bottom line right here. Long distance is not good. You're basically separated.


----------



## docj

Yes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TRy

docj said:


> Well she left to go camping last night at 7 pm in the mountains when her kids wo live with ex hubby called her to join em. She was like there is no reception there, so she will call bacy evening.when she gets back.back.


 Her children live with their father. When her 15 and 17 year old children asked her to join them camping, were they with their father (her ex) on this trip? If so, their loyalty may not be to you dude, but to their father and his efforts to get back with their mother.

Also, if she is not getting back with her ex, she can visit her boy friend for hours both on the way there and on the way back and her story would still hold that she was camping.


----------



## docj

No her ex is re married. He was home. With his wife. Its 1 pm.she just got home from camping
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

But i see your point. Spoke to her briefly as she got home nas doing chores before she had to leave for some work related class im guessing at work and will call me as soon.as.class is out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Its her day off
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

Why did your wife D the first time and does her ex have primary custody of the kids?


----------



## Looser

My personal life is a wreck, so I really should not give out advice, but you are where I was years ago.

Either end the long distance thing or get divorced. Those are your only two options. Any other choice only ends in years of misery and suffering.

If you love her she is more important than any job ever could be. Move back with her.

If you continue the long distance thing you will lead a miserable life of suspicion and anger, and probably both of you will cheat. Just end it now before you cause permanent mental damage to the two of you and possibly those around you.


----------



## docj

Very well said. And she divirced cause he was menfally abusive. Kids stay twi weeks with him two weks with her djring holidays but school time primarily with him cause uts a better school diatrict
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Excuse the above typos. Its my i phone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Which phone is she using?

When are you going back home?


----------



## docj

Cricket. I go back in.three weeks to visit
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Can you take off a few days now and secretly check up on her?

Im guessing she knows you'll be back in 3 weeks? So she wont be doing anything near that date to prepare herself for your coming.


----------



## docj

Keko we spoke at 5 pm as i was going into work n i promised id call in two hrs to give her some receipt number for a refund etc.
7 pm no.answer. Tried thrice till 9 pm no answer. Now unless she went to sleep at 7 pm i dunno. Or she was so tired from the one day camping, that she went to bed at 7 pm....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Keko yeah this is ?y plan as per advice here. Ill go a day early
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

I meant yeah this is the plan.....ill go early. I dunno if its just me, but some thibgs seem odd. Like unnaswered phone from 7 pm. Like today talking to her when she got back at 1 pm from camping n twenty minutes later shes like i hve to be at work in ten minutes for a class. An in service thing and would call me when it was done in an hour. Well called her 4 hrs later when i was going into work n she said meeting had been cancelled for tomorrow same time but she was mad cause she had to rive thre,n it was her day off and the company couldnt call to let people know meeting was rescheduled.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

No I didn't mean a day early in 3 weeks rather today/tomorrow for a few days. Near your arrival date shell already be cooling down so your chance of catching her is quite slim.

Do you have any other means of checking up on her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Oh. I cant. WOrk schedule wont allow. No i have no one i really know there Keko. Tell me does the not answering ohones at 7 pm.all night seem odd n all. Or possibility of being asleep in bed at 7 pm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Yep, the not answering and her responses about work/schedule sound like lame excuses.

You need to find a way to catch her red handed before the 3 week time frame closes.

Have a look into a PI. Most are expensive but some very fairly priced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Let me check P.I s now Keko. Yeah i dont know how many people go to bed at 7pm on their day off. Something just doesnt tick right
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

docj said:


> Let me check P.I s now Keko. Yeah i dont know how many people go to bed at 7pm on their day off. Something just doesnt tick right
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is this a relatively new thing where you seem to be consistently unable to contact her?


----------



## docj

Yes. Yes it is. I mean	i spoke to her at 5 pm n she was going to go swimming at apartment complex pool. I call her back two hrs later n no.answer. I know she will say she was asleep. It was her day off today n yesterday. Yesterday she went camping with her kids who live with her ex. And she got back at 1 pm today. Had tk get off phone fter twenty min as she had a class in service meeting at work n would call in an hour. She didnt. I called her at 5 n we spoke n she said she went for the neeting but it had been cancelled n comoany didnt even bother calling people to inform them that in.advnce. So meeting has been reschedule for tomorrow afternoon. ....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

When you do talk to her,do you ask her why you're having such a hard time contacting her lately? It would seem to be a reasonable question.


----------



## docj

Yea. Shes either asleep or doing something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

Yeah,I get that,but obviously she slept and was doing other things before and you still managed a regular contact.What has changed now,as you seem to be saying contact is sporadic at best?


----------



## costa200

Lots of sleeping at odd hours!


----------



## docj

Costa yes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Tbt i can only speculate
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

I know the.apartment neighbors. An old couple next door n a married woman downstairs, and we are on great talking terms when im there. When i was talkibg to her today they were all there n i heard them in the background saying hello to me n asking when i"d next visit. So i am assuming she probably isnt home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonymouskitty

Do you have a close confidant/friend that you can trust to remain discreet and investigate her whereabouts for you if you can't get a PI on her tail? Cos something just doesn't seem right here.


----------



## docj

Kitty im th inking the same thing. I called at 7 pm and sh didnt.answer. Meaning if she was asleep it would mean she went to bed around 6 pm or 630 pm. But at 5 pm we and she was going swimming. I can answer calls at work on my break. If u go to bed at 6 pm on your day off, u want to say by 3 am as it is now, that you will still be asleep, or didnt even wake up to eat or use the rest room?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

Im sorry docj but I will be shocked if you get a PI and he reports back everything is kosher. Cant call back, cant text back, Morris is helping me with my portfolio (at your home alone..not at a library, school, work or his home) Morris is here again, Morris is here again (must be one complex portfolio) going camping, in the shower, washing her hair, at the pool.....Really? When married people become best buddies with a person of the opposite sex its usually the same old story. Can she not hang out with a girlfriend? Were they great friends when you lived there or did this friendship strike up once you moved outof state to work? Im sorry to be so blunt and I dont want to hurt your feelings but none of this adds up. Tell her when you get back you would love for the four of you to have dinner you, your wife, that saint Morris and his wife. 
BTW..Im in Oklahoma too! I live here though!


----------



## docj

Ansley thanks . Im going to call at 7 am. She doesnt work untill tonight so if she slept at 6 pm then by 7 am it will be 13 hrs of sleep n i dont think anyone needs 13 hrs of sleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

No ive never met Morris. She says he isnt good lookong but he has a wonderful heart. That he is a gentleman like me. That women like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

He works 7 pm. To 7 am. I called her at 7 and no answer. Ive spoken to him thrice. He is an ex co worker and a good friend. She said him n his wife work same shift n same days. So am assuming it would be hard to meet. Maybe its someone else. She told me how an.ex bf came by.two months ago but she didnt let him in and they were talking outside n she looked uncomfortable so her lady neighbor came over n asked him to leave. This ex apparently told the lady neighbor, that i know too, to get lost as it was none of her business. My wife was telling him.she was now re married but apparently he was not believing it. He was apparently walked back to his car.by pne of the male.neighbors. Neighbors havent told me this, but its what my wife said
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonymouskitty

Call the neighbours and confirm it then


----------



## docj

I dont have their numbers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

Look into hiring a PI


----------



## docj

Thanks warlock. I guess its now seeming too suspicious to u too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

/how long before you go back?


----------



## docj

Three weeks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> He works 7 pm. To 7 am. I called her at 7 and no answer. Ive spoken to him thrice. He is an ex co worker and a good friend. She said him n his wife work same shift n same days. So am assuming it would be hard to meet. Maybe its someone else. She told me how an.ex bf came by.two months ago but she didnt let him in and they were talking outside n she looked uncomfortable so her lady neighbor came over n asked him to leave. This ex apparently told the lady neighbor, that i know too, to get lost as it was none of her business. My wife was telling him.she was now re married but apparently he was not believing it. He was apparently walked back to his car.by pne of the male.neighbors. Neighbors havent told me this, but its what my wife said
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



it's 2012--you can find the neighbors #'s. Worse case senario leave a message with landlord.


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> He works 7 pm. To 7 am. I called her at 7 and no answer. Ive spoken to him thrice. He is an ex co worker and a good friend. She said him n his wife work same shift n same days. So am assuming it would be hard to meet. Maybe its someone else. She told me how an.ex bf came by.two months ago but she didnt let him in and they were talking outside n she looked uncomfortable so her lady neighbor came over n asked him to leave. This ex apparently told the lady neighbor, that i know too, to get lost as it was none of her business. My wife was telling him.she was now re married but apparently he was not believing it. He was apparently walked back to his car.by pne of the male.neighbors. Neighbors havent told me this, but its what my wife said
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You dont know or care what he looks like. Why does she feel the need to tell you her thoughts on his physical appearance?

It wouldnt be hard to meet up at all. Im sure Morris doesnt work 24/7. Im sure there is lunch, breakfast, brunch or a quick appetizer before he and his wife go to work.

She has alot of dudes wanting to hook up since you've been gone. Coincidence? I think not. 

She is telling on herself and her actions are not helping her case at all.


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> No ive never met Morris. She says he isnt good lookong but he has a wonderful heart. That he is a gentleman like me. That women like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



a gentleman would bring his wife with him when working on the portfolio (they work the same hours right? no excuses there) Or if that isnt possible meet somewhere public.


----------



## docj

Im wondering if we could all be wrong lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Why are you and your wife separated? Why did she not move with you when you relocated your job? Is your job temporary or permanent? 

I noticed in another post from you that your thinking divorce. Are you looking to justify leaving and divorcing your wife? Do you want a divorce? I'm just curious.

I don't understand why you left for a career opportunity in a middle of a marriage and not bring your wife with you. It just seems like a very odd arrangement to leave your wife behind unless your in the military.

If my husband had a career change, I'd sell the house, pack up and move with him. Even if it was temporary. My house is not important to me, I can live anywhere as long as I have my family. I need to be with my husband and he needs me. Actually, he would never leave us alone. He would never move unless we went with.

I honestly do not like speculation. It's horrible. You could be accusing your wife of something when she could very well be innocent. What if the tables were turned and she wonders if you are sleeping with another woman? 

If you want to find out if she's with another man, you need to leave early. Most jobs will allow vacation date changes. Stop by unannounced. Or you need to hire a PI, even if it's just a couple days.

You need to get to the bottom of this yourself or with a PI. Speculating will only make you jealous, angry and think irrational. This negative outlook will get the best of you.


----------



## docj

Temporary job for me. She already had he rt job n had signed a contract. Do you think if i could just up n leave i wouldnt have by now?????
Im not accusing her. Im stating things she tells me n people here have really helped by just talking about it. They have really helped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

to those who are helping i thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

We could be, but you have good reasons to be suspicious. Many spouses regret not verifying further when the red flags first started to appear.


----------



## alton

I'm not going to read 10 pages (sorry!), but have you told her it makes you uncomfortable? I'd go down this route 1000 times over before resorting to snooping or hiring a PI as for me you just don't do things like that in a marriage that isn't doomed.

A situation like that would drive me crazy and I trust my wife 100%Fortunately for me she cut off contact with all her male friends after we got married (completely on her own will, I never even showed her it made me jealous).


----------



## Cosmos

OP, we could all be wrong, but you have to protect your marriage.

There are some people who will never cheat, but there are some who will and do give into the temptation to do so. I was in a 6 year sexless marriage and had the opportunity to cheat, but chose to rather get counseling and leave the marriage. However, there are some who will cheat rather than leave a marriage...


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My ex h was always accusing me of having an affair on him, when in fact it was him having the affairs both physical and emotional. I ignored the red flags.

The red flags are much different then your describing. My ex h was spending the weekends away from home, he changed his appearance, started arguments to leave, most of all accusing me of being unfaithful. Finding condoms in his back pocket when leaving. Money unaccounted for. Ect.... 

I know your 1000 miles away and there are a couple things that look suspicious. However, there currently is no solid proof. You said she went camping with her children that she had with a previous marriage. It sounds like she went with her kids alone. I have a child from my previous marriage, this forced me in the past to have contact with my ex. He came by the house every other weekend to pick up my child. My child is grown and no longer has a relationship with him(his doing). I did not enjoy being in his presence. Even though he was trying his best to get back together with me, yes I was remarried.

I'm not saying whether your wife is having an affair or not. I have no clue. Ways to find out are the computer by looking at emails, private messages and chat logs. Looking at the cell phone bill, sometimes the bill and info is online of who she's calling/who's calling her. By hiring a PI, this could shed some light on the situation.


----------



## docj

Inlovewithmyhubby yeah im sorry about finding condoms in pockets. Im really sorry.. For me its juat small thi.gs like calling her as agreed at 7 pm on her day off after having spoke two hours earlier n agreeing to call at 7 with some info on something. Okay you can take a nap t 7 pm. But its now 12 hrs later. She knows she can call me at work. If i called at 7 pm n she was asleep it meams she went to bed around sixish. Now whos sleeping at 6 pm to 6 am?? Having to get off phone to go to a work meeting n promising to call back in an hour. 4 hrs later i call n she s home n i as; how meeting went n.answer is i drove to work for meeting n found it was postponed n.company didnt make calls to let anyone know this??
Now meeting is rescheduled for today afternoon. Meaning again if i dont talk to her this morn, she wont be available afternoon either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Why are you and your wife separated? Why did she not move with you when you relocated your job? Is your job temporary or permanent?
> 
> I noticed in another post from you that your thinking divorce. Are you looking to justify leaving and divorcing your wife? Do you want a divorce? I'm just curious.
> 
> I don't understand why you left for a career opportunity in a middle of a marriage and not bring your wife with you. It just seems like a very odd arrangement to leave your wife behind unless your in the military.
> 
> If my husband had a career change, I'd sell the house, pack up and move with him. Even if it was temporary. My house is not important to me, I can live anywhere as long as I have my family. I need to be with my husband and he needs me. Actually, he would never leave us alone. He would never move unless we went with.
> 
> I honestly do not like speculation. It's horrible. You could be accusing your wife of something when she could very well be innocent. What if the tables were turned and she wonders if you are sleeping with another woman?
> 
> If you want to find out if she's with another man, you need to leave early. Most jobs will allow vacation date changes. Stop by unannounced. Or you need to hire a PI, even if it's just a couple days.
> 
> You need to get to the bottom of this yourself or with a PI. Speculating will only make you jealous, angry and think irrational. This negative outlook will get the best of you.


In a perfect world maybe…my husband has had to work out of town several times. It is no fun at all. However it is what we have had to do to keep up the mortgage, car payments, health insurance and all the other ingredients to the American dream LOL. Several careers are like that. Pilots, airline attendants, trainers, salesman, construction foreman…it happens. Its takes 2 to make it work. Right now either she is trying to make him insecure/jealous/worried (mission accomplished) or she is truly up to no good.


----------



## docj

Alton that is not realistic. Sk my wife hey are u cheating? And if she is shes supposed to say what,.yes I am im sorry.
IF someone is cheating or u suspect ,.then you.investigate. There is nothing like 100% trust. It doesnt make one bad to verify things. Like iminlovewithmyhusban said,.she found condoms when her hubby would leave the house.
Its better to find out than assume.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Ansley check your email
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alton

docj said:


> Alton that is not realistic. Sk my wife hey are u cheating? And if she is shes supposed to say what,.yes I am im sorry.
> IF someone is cheating or u suspect ,.then you.investigate. There is nothing like 100% trust. It doesnt make one bad to verify things. Like iminlovewithmyhusban said,.she found condoms when her hubby would leave the house.
> Its better to find out than assume.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, there is. I mean everybody lies, but you you can certainly trust someones actions 100%. If you don't then you should do more to get it closer to 100% trust than resorting to actions that mean you don't need to trust your life partner. 

I never said it would make you bad I said it's not a great sign for your marriage. I never said ask her, I said tell her it makes you uncomfortable and see how things go. I could understand investigating if you had a significant reason to suspect but as far as I can see all you're really doing is jumping to the following conclusion:

wife + male friend + alone = affair

The reality is there could be tons of other things there other than affiar. 

The situation isn't right and you need to deal with it and personally I think talking to her is the best way to do it (in a non-accusing way that deals with facts i.e her spending so much time alone with another man). 

Still, if you go for the snooping/PI route then good luck, hope I'm wrong and I hope it works out.


----------



## keko

Could we be wrong? Possibly yes.

But no married woman with an ounce of common sense would bring another male into the house when the husband is away unless to get her needs met.

Setup hidden cameras at the house and watch it for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonymouskitty

Listen mate, when your gut tells you something is wrong, it sure is most of the times. Now your wife may not be having an affair at all, she might just be one of those people who just have no idea of what healthy boundaries are , perfectly normal. You ever get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach whenever you think about the whole thing?

Don't ignore that warning call. Trust your wife until she proves not worthy of that trust OP but when you sense danger, always verify and take care of the threat before it causes even more damage. You need to play to win and don't your forget that. And don't ever trust another man with your wife.

Now alton maybe right, but I've faced the demon of infidelity myself and the thing that helped me gather evidence, no wait , come to the conclusion even before I started checking things indicating something dirty was going on was my gut and nothing else.


----------



## docj

Kitty well said
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Well i know its 7 am. But i just called again. No answer. So shes been asleep since 6 pm yesterday or hasnt chec;ed phone? 13 hours of sleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonymouskitty

Something definitely doesn't seem right here. Time to plan your next course of action


----------



## Shaggy

She's putting you off when you do get through
She's not calling you when she said she would
She's dropping off the grid for long periods 8-12 hrs or more frequently


Hire that PI - they'll be able to watch with out being seen and be able to pull info on the people they find her meeting with.

Listen to your gut and don't begin doubting yourself.


----------



## alton

You guys are a cynical bunch aren't ya 

I think I should leave while I'm still naive.


----------



## docj

True Kitty n Shaggy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Good luck docj. I do hope you get to the bottom of this. I'm truly sorry your so far from your wife.


----------



## anonymouskitty

alton said:


> You guys are a cynical bunch aren't ya
> 
> I think I should leave while I'm still naive.


Well no one forced you to stay, let this cynical bunch have their petty discussion now.


----------



## docj

Iminlovewithmyhubby thank u sooo much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Kitty thanks. You guys rock
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Two hours later its now 9am. Ive called. No answer. Now are we all being cynical? You wantbto tell me for 14 hrs she hasnt seen her phone??????????????? what reason wohld u have for not returning calls n texts from your spouse n voicemails for 14 hrs????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Guys im.thinking that even if she calls i should ignore it too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Please tell me, if i dont hear from her today untill noon or afternoon, what should i.deduce from.this?????? If u miss ur spouse you wouldnt take this long to respond back. If u respect ur spkuse you wouldnt take this long to respond back. If you are concerned about your spouse you wouldnt take this long to call back. Heck if even your friends called you.5 times in.14 hrs you would call back. Dont you think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson

docj said:


> Two hours later its now 9am. Ive called. No answer. Now are we all being cynical? You wantbto tell me for 14 hrs she hasnt seen her phone??????????????? what reason wohld u have for not returning calls n texts from your spouse n voicemails for 14 hrs????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unfortunately this is the trend that I thought would be recurring when you first mentioned it. Time to start doing a bit more homework. This is still conjecture so do not bring any of this up until you can confirm that something is or is not happening with you wife and this guy. 

At the very least you have to define boundaries face to face when you visit next.


----------



## DailyGrind

Have you checked phone/text history on her phone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

Guys, She just called. I didnt answer. Wondering if i should or ignore for similar amout of time to see if she will call.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

No we have cricket n it doesnt keep call logs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonymouskitty

No No Don't ignore her calls, pretend that everything's alright while you set a PI on her tail. Mate you need to act fast because the longer you delay(The day you're all set to go home) the harder it is for you and the PI to gather enough proof. And you'll have the element of surprise if you go home with the proof(or the lack thereof, needless to confront her then).

If the PI does find proof though, surprise is the key. You blindside her and she'll have nowhere to run.


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## docj

okay Kitty friend, let me call her back. Ill tell u what she says in a few.minutes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lovelygirl

I'm having a hard time reading your posts, docj. You make a lot of mistakes while typing on your phone. 
Can you please get on a computer?


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## Shaggy

Right now you want to sound normal and not confront her. If she is doing something outside of boundaries you don't want her getting suspicious and taking a break ... You want her careless and obvious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> Yes i will. Spoke to her yesterday n she saod she was asleep for 12 hrs. Also she says she isnt ibterested in foing out on her birthday with him.n will wait for me to visit the week afyer. I dunno what to make of it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She may not be interested because the OMW may have caught wind of it and freaked out about it. However, if the OMW doesn't know, expect him to at least go over there to keep her company or warm.


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## SprucHub

Doc - you are going to make yourself crazy. Your choices are trust her or get a PI. I find it odd that she'd put him on the phone when you call (like I do with the kids when Grandma calls). 

Good luck!


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> NEW DEVELOPMENT: .when we lst spoke two hours ago for ten minutes she was foing to shower n wash her haor n stay in doors. Two hours later ive received a text from her saying shes going camping with the kids. Her kids from ex marriage are older teens and like me. So id be ale to.ask them how camping was when i.go up in.three weeks.
> Anyway the kids called her n said mom.come.camping. So shes headed there now n says reception is bad. She will be back tomorrow afternoon. Now would she use that excuse knowing ill see the kids in.three weeks n could ask them how camping was??????????????????? Wouldnt she have made up a better excuse?????? I dunno awaiting.answers
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not sure who you have as a carrier, but you can check the call and text log to see if there were any phone calls or texts while she was "camping". 

Also, even if she does go camping, she may only go overnight, so checking the call log will be helpful.

One more thing, when you get home to visit, get a voice recorder and place it in her car maybe under the passenger seat. Then get it later. Why? Because people always talk to their lovers while driving.

I wish you luck. If I were a betting man, I would bet she is having a PA.


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> Keko yeah this is ?y plan as per advice here. Ill go a day early
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


two days. Men don't have sex every night. But they will make a point to be there every other night if possible.


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> I meant yeah this is the plan.....ill go early. I dunno if its just me, but some thibgs seem odd. Like unnaswered phone from 7 pm. Like today talking to her when she got back at 1 pm from camping n twenty minutes later shes like i hve to be at work in ten minutes for a class. An in service thing and would call me when it was done in an hour. Well called her 4 hrs later when i was going into work n she said meeting had been cancelled for tomorrow same time but she was mad cause she had to rive thre,n it was her day off and the company couldnt call to let people know meeting was rescheduled.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Great excuse for being unavailable on her day off. Yet another thing you can't verify.


----------



## lifeisnotsogood

docj said:


> Let me check P.I s now Keko. Yeah i dont know how many people go to bed at 7pm on their day off. Something just doesnt tick right
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lots of people go to bed that early, but usually they are having sex.


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## PBear

Just as a warning... Your multiple phone calls are going to come across as insecure, weak and needy, even if she isn't having an affair. Not sure if you can just back off until you can figure out a plan, but constant calling to check up on her isn't much of a plan. And as an FYI... Phone calls will often wake people up, even if they're asleep... If she's not answering, it's because she doesn't want to answer you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Just spoke to her. She says last night she went swimming. Then finished painti.v a coffee table outside her apartment. Then played catch with some kids and commented on how parents dont give their kids attention amd how the poor kids just needed attention.
Tonight her kids come to stay with her for a week.
She goes to the work meeting at 4 pm then to feed a pet i know her friend had her watch wilst shes away, then come back home around 8 ish
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

And she didn't pick or call because........?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docj

I didnt ask why she didnt pick up phone calls. I am trying to seem as un suspicious as possible per advice here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko

Play dumb from now on and have a P.I. tail her for a few days.


----------



## Entropy3000

docj said:


> Just spoke to her. She says last night she went swimming. Then finished painti.v a coffee table outside her apartment. Then played catch with some kids and commented on how parents dont give their kids attention amd how the poor kids just needed attention.
> Tonight her kids come to stay with her for a week.
> She goes to the work meeting at 4 pm then to feed a pet i know her friend had her watch wilst shes away, then come back home around 8 ish
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Total BS. None of those preclude her from answering her phone in a timely manner.

So what did the P.I. say? All the rest is just playing with yourself.


----------



## Ansley

Entropy3000 said:


> Total BS. None of those preclude her from answering her phone in a timely manner.
> 
> So what did the P.I. say? All the rest is just playing with yourself.


Did I miss something? I dont think he spoke to a PI yet.


----------



## Entropy3000

Ansley said:


> Did I miss something? I dont think he spoke to a PI yet.


Right. He needs to do this. Calling her over and over and over and then not answering .... really? Time to act.


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> She told me how an.ex bf came by.two months ago but she didnt let him in and they were talking outside n she looked uncomfortable so her lady neighbor came over n asked him to leave. This ex apparently told the lady neighbor, that i know too, to get lost as it was none of her business. My wife was telling him.she was now re married but apparently he was not believing it. He was apparently walked back to his car.by pne of the male.neighbors. Neighbors havent told me this, but its what my wife said
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was just catching up to this thread an i spotted this. Something is off here... So this ex from the past goes to your house and makes a scene, to the point of having the neighbors escort him to his car?

This is not a normal situation. An ex that doesn't know that the woman he is after has re-married, when told the news 9/10 will back down, at least to process this (he may return to the offensive later). Now this guy's reaction is a rarity. 

His reaction to the neighbor reaction, telling her to get lost signifies rage! It's weird that an ex that has not kept contact for this long to express this feeling when being told that she is now married.

Do you know more about this?


----------



## docj

Costa i thought the same thing. If i havent been with a woman for a while n she tells me shes seeing someone wy would i doubt it. And how bold of him to tell her neighbor friend , who he had never met, to get loat when she asked him to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Analey is right, i h av ent hired a P.I. yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Keko yea i will. I think we all could be onto something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

Talk to neighbor too, if you can


----------



## willicks

Hey, is there anyway you could possibly fly out for a weekend and just remind her that youre her husband (AKA dinner and something romantic). The above posts are right, it may only be a friendship now, but as they connect and share emotions, everything becomes complicated now.

Just think about it, a few hundred dollars for a plane ticket out there is worth more than ruining a loving relationship.


----------



## Entropy3000

willicks said:


> Hey, is there anyway you could possibly fly out for a weekend and just remind her that youre her husband (AKA dinner and something romantic). The above posts are right, it may only be a friendship now, but as they connect and share emotions, everything becomes complicated now.
> 
> Just think about it, a few hundred dollars for a plane ticket out there is worth more than ruining a loving relationship.


Yes, I know not everyone is not rolling in money, but what is a marriage worth?


----------



## docj

Willicks this is a master plan. Grea thought. Im jetting there n will do something really romantic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

costa200 said:


> I was just catching up to this thread an i spotted this. Something is off here... So this ex from the past goes to your house and makes a scene, to the point of having the neighbors escort him to his car?
> 
> This is not a normal situation. An ex that doesn't know that the woman he is after has re-married, when told the news 9/10 will back down, at least to process this (he may return to the offensive later). Now this guy's reaction is a rarity.
> 
> His reaction to the neighbor reaction, telling her to get lost signifies rage! It's weird that an ex that has not kept contact for this long to express this feeling when being told that she is now married.
> 
> Do you know more about this?



That story she told doesnt hold water for me either. These suitors didnt start popping up until docj left town. Like I said she is either trying to make him feel insecure/jealous or she is up to something. Her brutal "honesty" is just to keep him off her tail. I bet when he goes home to visit there wont be any guys that mysteriously show up or want to help her with her portfolio.


----------



## keko

If your is goal is to catch her red handed you wouldn't be going on romantic dates, or even telling her you're in town.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

Not sure what his work schedule is like. Anytime my husband has had to work out of town it was normally Sunday only off. They are in a huge crunch to get the job done...hence why they bring in people from out of town to work. Anytime my husband could get away he would come home. I did the majority of the traveling though because I was the one with entire weekends off and who could slip in a vacation day when I needed to. 

It goes both ways. The sooner he is done with this job the sooner he is home. Why she isnt making plans to come see him I dont know.


----------



## docj

You mess with doc J and you mess with Ansley. Lol. You all brighten my day. All of you people who have become like family.
Yes the story of an ex bf visiting and being so brave as to tell her neighbor friend that it was none of her business. Man i think he is either brave or jilted. Why he refused to believe she had a new man now i dunno.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Costa yes, why would the ex be so disbilieving?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## willicks

Good luck, just remember, its not about trying to snoop. You trust your wife I am assuming. Its just about showing her why she loves you.


----------



## Entropy3000

keko said:


> If your is goal is to catch her red handed you wouldn't be going on romantic dates, or even telling her you're in town.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


he can combine the two by investigating for two or three days. Then if nothing show up as a surprise.

You absolutely need to snoop. Going full Beta is not the answer here. 

You do not have to choose between the two.


----------



## docj

Okay folks. This is what I did. I created a fictitious account on fb. With a muscular guy photos. Emailed her and after two weeks she has just emailed me. I put my city as the same one she she lives in. . This is what her email said ..." Holle, how are you? Call me so we can talk sometime ###_###_####Im.still holding hope here. Women friends here tell me why does a woman give her number out???Could it be to chat or meet up? I emailed back saying I wasnt aware this city has such beautiful single women. Im.awaiting reply.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DailyGrind

Get someone whos voice she won't recognize to call her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear

Or set up a meeting with her at a time you can fly out. Set up a phone number through an app like TextNow (VoIP and SMS), get someone else to call her using that app and the credentials you set up. Then follow through with the meeting, and let her explain her actions. 

But I suspect you know enough to make your decision. You're not trying to prove anything in a court of law, since everything seems to be no-fault now. You just need to know enough to satisfy your own self. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lovelygirl

docj said:


> Okay folks. This is what I did. I created a fictitious account on fb. With a muscular guy photos. Emailed her and after two weeks she has just emailed me. I put my city as the same one she she lives in. . This is what her email said ..." Holle, how are you? Call me so we can talk sometime ###_###_####Im.still holding hope here. Women friends here tell me why does a woman give her number out???Could it be to chat or meet up? I emailed back saying I wasnt aware this city has such beautiful single women. Im.awaiting reply.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's how a friend of mine found out about her husband's unfaithfulness.
She created a fake account, pretending to be another girl. After 4 weeks of everyday chatting and flirting, his wife became his mistress. The they decided to meet and go on a date. 
That night, he found out that the mistress was fake, on the other hand she found out her husband was not what she thought he was.

Your wife doesn't sound marriage material if she's able to chat up with random guys on FB.


----------



## TBT

You might ask her in convo if she's into the whole dating scene.


----------



## Shaggy

Yeah, ask about her situation and if she likes hanging out etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## iheartlife

docj said:


> Im.still holding hope here.


Hope for what?

I'll tell you what I'm hoping: that you find out the unvarnished, undeniable, flat-out in-your-face truth.


----------



## keko

Man she's a booty call. Forget about holding out hope.


----------



## MattMatt

docj said:


> My wife's birthday is coming up. I wont be there. I wanted to see her reaction so I suggested she can go out with him for her birthday. Her answer was " I wont argue with you. If you think he should take me out on my birthday then okay I don't mind".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:wtf: Seriously? You have talked about wife swapping, have swapped and you are telling your wife to go out on her birthday with another man?

Ummm.... dude, how could she be cheating on you, when you have just told her to go out with another man? And you, as a couple, have swung? 

*If she has sex with him it will be because she thinks you want her to!*


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> Okay folks. This is what I did. I created a fictitious account on fb. With a muscular guy photos. Emailed her and after two weeks she has just emailed me. I put my city as the same one she she lives in. . This is what her email said ..." Holle, how are you? Call me so we can talk sometime ###_###_####Im.still holding hope here. Women friends here tell me why does a woman give her number out???Could it be to chat or meet up? I emailed back saying I wasnt aware this city has such beautiful single women. Im.awaiting reply.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hooooly crap... Are you serious... Damn... Up until now i was rooting for this to be just healthy paranoia. But this one takes the cake.

Well done man. Caught her like a salmon grizzly style.


----------



## warlock07

Looks like she is seriously trolling for guys on the internet . How I wish you had a keylogger on her comp.


----------



## docj

Its a pity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

So what's the plan for tomorrow? You had though PI, now your playing a new game. The problem is she can always claim she new it was you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Do you have alot to lose in a divorce? How big is the income difference? Any kids?


----------



## humanbecoming

docj said:


> Okay folks. This is what I did. I created a fictitious account on fb. With a muscular guy photos. Emailed her and after two weeks she has just emailed me. I put my city as the same one she she lives in. . This is what her email said ..." Holle, how are you? Call me so we can talk sometime ###_###_####Im.still holding hope here. Women friends here tell me why does a woman give her number out???Could it be to chat or meet up? I emailed back saying I wasnt aware this city has such beautiful single women. Im.awaiting reply.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 

Ok.... You started this thread on the 20th, after a couple days you started worrying that something was going on, but now you are saying you set up the fake Facebook TWO weeks ago?


----------



## docj

And your point is?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nirvana

I am beginning to wonder if he is playing all of us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

nirvana said:


> I am beginning to wonder if he is playing all of us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really don't think so. I truly believe giving others the benefit of the doubt. Both man and woman.


----------



## humanbecoming

docj said:


> And your point is?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Trying to keep the story straight. so you felt there was a cheating issue well before you posted this thread?


----------



## TBT

humanbecoming said:


> Trying to keep the story straight. so you felt there was a cheating issue well before you posted this thread?


According to his first thread he's had issues for at least 3 years.


----------



## humanbecoming

docj said:


> My wife and I for work reasons live 1000	miles apart. Shs a Christian amd reserved. However sometimes she goes AWOL for long. Case in point the other day on her day off I called her at 6 pm ish and left vm and later text and she didnt respond till 17 hr later.
> Its not like she was at work or asleep or anything like that.
> Or she would have a male friend over three times to help with a portfolio etc. she would put him on the line whenever I called and id speak with him. Hes married n she says he is a discipline Christian man too n would never disrespect his wife.
> So I had my yoga body builder friend here who looks great, and whos not on my fb, email her a few times. She eailed back on her first email sying helo and giving her cell nber out saying lets talk call me sometime.
> Short email one or two lines.
> Thereafter he has emailed a few more times but she hasnt replied. Ladies, explain this to me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 
If you tell people what is actually going on, you might get some help. When the story changes based on what thread you are posting on, it's hard to know what advice to give.


----------



## anchorwatch

docj said:


> This is your post from a number of years ago.
> 
> Did you resolve your boundary issues?
> 
> Is this the same wife?
> 
> If it is, you should be worried.
> 
> Answer; *Different woman*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

FIRST OF IF YOU TRIED TO ANSWER MY CONCERNS AND STOPPED PLAYING SO SMART DETECTIVE IT WOULD HELP.
THE THREE YR AGO POSTS HAVE TO DO WITH MY EX WIFE. IVE SINXE REMARRI#D.
Im a grown man and busy too. Ive no time or juvenility to come here n waste your time more so my time.
Yes I suspected shes, my present wife of cheating and so two weeks ago I set up the fictitiois fb account to see if I would catch her. On the 20 th I posted my first concerns here. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM????? If tou have no idea on how to assist please leave my thread. I have had wonderful people here offer help and support. Go play stupid detective elsewhere. Thank you. When did it become illegal to make a fictitious fb acct to catch her before first posting here?????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

To those who have been help thank you for CONTINUED HELP. Im going to ignore people who have nothing to offer. If you have no help to offer, stop commenting and looking foolish thinking you are sart
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

My wife responded to.a fake fb acct. Givibg her number. Thank you all for your private emails urging me to ignore these lead no where detectives wasting our time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Sorry to hear about both of your wife's going off the deep end. 

What is your plan now?


----------



## lovelygirl

docj said:


> My wife responded to.a fake fb acct. Givibg her number. Thank you all for your private emails urging me to ignore these lead no where detectives wasting our time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG. She gave out her number? 
What a wh0rebag! 

Wait 'til she agrees to meet you in a hotel nearby. 

I'm sorry.


----------



## Shaggy

Are you going to have a friend call her?

One idea is to keep this on FB a while longer and see where it goes before you have a friend call.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

Calm down docj... This is the internet remember? I know you're in a lot of anguish right now. But you need a cool head right now. More than ever. 

I know it can't be easy but breathe deep. Since when have you been having these suspicions? Did it start with the co-worker or it started before that?


----------



## lovelygirl

Shaggy said:


> Are you going to have a friend call her?
> 
> One idea is to keep this on FB a while longer and see where it goes before you have a friend call.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's a good idea.
She how far she can go. See it with your own eyes, _*LIVE*_!


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

docj said:


> My wife responded to.a fake fb acct. Givibg her number. Thank you all for your private emails urging me to ignore these lead no where detectives wasting our time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm so sorry to hear this.


----------



## warlock07

docj said:


> FIRST OF IF YOU TRIED TO ANSWER MY CONCERNS AND STOPPED PLAYING SO SMART DETECTIVE IT WOULD HELP.
> THE THREE YR AGO POSTS HAVE TO DO WITH MY EX WIFE. IVE SINXE REMARRI#D.
> Im a grown man and busy too. Ive no time or juvenility to come here n waste your time more so my time.
> Yes I suspected shes, my present wife of cheating and so two weeks ago I set up the fictitiois fb account to see if I would catch her. On the 20 th I posted my first concerns here. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM????? If tou have no idea on how to assist please leave my thread. I have had wonderful people here offer help and support. Go play stupid detective elsewhere. Thank you. When did it become illegal to make a fictitious fb acct to catch her before first posting here?????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just for perspective, people set up troll accounts and post fake stories quite regularly. Don't be so offended.


----------



## docj

Im in love with hubby, thank you very much friend. Lovelygirl yeah im shocked too. Costa thanks, Warlock thank you, everyone thanks.
She hasnt responded to emails after giving out the number.
So im wondering what is she expecting to get out of giving a man who compliments her on facebook, her cell phone number and asking him to call sometime so they can talk?/

Why not just email and keep the communication via email?


----------



## lovelygirl

docj said:


> Why not just email and keep the communication via email?


Because she wants to meet up and bang other guys?


For a woman like your wife who knows no limits, exchanging emails is not enough.


----------



## docj

Lovely girl i want to get a friend to call and speak with her or should i wait to see if she emails back?


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> Im in love with hubby, thank you very much friend. Lovelygirl yeah im shocked too. Costa thanks, Warlock thank you, everyone thanks.
> She hasnt responded to emails after giving out the number.
> So im wondering what is she expecting to get out of giving a man who compliments her on facebook, her cell phone number and asking him to call sometime so they can talk?/
> 
> Why not just email and keep the communication via email?


Because she wants the high of listening to his voice and possibly avoid a fake facebook profile. If he calls she knows he is real.


----------



## docj

Anchorwatch thanks fo rpulling that one for these time wasters here namely humanbecoming and TBT


----------



## docj

Costa thats a very plausible reason yes.


----------



## docj

She knows all my guy friends and i do not want to approach someone i dont know very well in this city , give him this story and the number and have him call. You get my drift? 
Any volunteers here?


----------



## lovelygirl

docj said:


> Lovely girl i want to get a friend to call and speak with her or should i wait to see if she emails back?


I'd say provoke her first. Get more out of her. Ask her about her personal life, husband [if she told you she's married] 
See what she says. Maybe after two days of chatting, call her.


Yes, make sure some other guy calls her.


----------



## Ansley

Unless she is stupid she must know the facebook is fake. Way out of the blue and has 1 friend? I think I would stick with the PI angle. This playing on facebook has got to be time consuming and really could back fire on you. What is really sad is that this started as her and her friend Morris...then we throw in a ex-boyfriend....now she is willing to chat up a stranger on facebook and give her # out strait away. I think you are missing the big picture here Doc.


----------



## costa200

I would do it for you but i'm in another country. 

Just to complete the previous thought. This giving of number is kind of a fitness test. She is looking for a decided alpha male that has no qualms about phoning some female he got from facebook. 

The guy who does this must know how to talk to women and present himself as a desirable lover. So pick someone able to follow through.


----------



## keko

docj, ask yourself this given how easy she hands out her number to a random guy on facebook don't you think she's been with more guys then you can count? Does it matter if she answer's your emails or your friends call? Sorry to be blunt but Im just being honest.


----------



## TBT

docj said:


> Anchorwatch thanks fo rpulling that one for these time wasters here namely humanbecoming and TBT


Guilty of assuming and apologies for wasting your time.


----------



## docj

Keko I was thinking the same thing too. Costa thanks bro. TBT its okay.


----------



## docj

Lovely girl okay thats the plan ill do . Ansley yea..... see your [email protected]


----------



## keko

Instead of PI, can't you take off few days from work and go check her out yourself? Should be cheaper this way.


----------



## docj

Keko in fact this is what i will be doing. A P.I. is veryyy expensive


----------



## keko

docj said:


> Keko in fact this is what i will be doing. A P.I. is veryyy expensive


Make sure to either borrow a car from a friend or rent a cheap one so as to not draw much attention.

Is she using a personal computer or a general house one?


----------



## docj

she has a laptop but i think is responding via cell phone and our phone provider doesnt keep records. Not all phone carriers do.


----------



## MattMatt

Unless, of course, she has a keylogger on your computer and is playing along for some reason?


----------



## keko

docj said:


> she has a laptop but i think is responding via cell phone and our phone provider doesnt keep records. Not all phone carriers do.


I see, then physical surveillance is your best option. You can go through the house when she's not there for any used condoms, lingerie she never wore for you, male clothes, or anything that would stand out.


----------



## docj

Absolutely. Which all makes me very suspicious of the other day( remember ) when she was not answering her phone from 7 pm nor texts but called next morning at around ten am


----------



## docj

Mattmatt no shes not good at computer etc


----------



## MadeInMichigan

But her lover is, that's why he was there in the first place....remember???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MadeInMichigan

I will call her doc. PM me her number and the details...do it, do it now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Let's not blow it all up with the phone call. Whoever is going to make the call make sure to go through all of the details and play your role perfectly, to get the most intel.


----------



## warlock07

Phone call is a terrible idea and can blow up in your face. Go the PI route


----------



## docj

Warlock ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Keko and Warlock ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

The PI is expensive but honestly in the long run cheap. It will give you clear answers without you playing games.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alton

I'll be comepletely blunt, if everything is as it's been presented here (and I have my doubts) then I think finding the answer is irrelevant. If you find out she's cheating then obviously you'd want to end it, if you find out she's innocent then I'm pretty sure she'd have some serious issues with what you've been doing.

This whole thing is toxic.


----------



## costa200

alton said:


> I'll be comepletely blunt, if everything is as it's been presented here (and I have my doubts) then I think finding the answer is irrelevant. If you find out she's cheating then obviously you'd want to end it, if you find out she's innocent then I'm pretty sure she'd have some serious issues with what you've been doing.
> 
> This whole thing is toxic.


So, suggest a way out of this. That would be what? That he drops his investigations and just trusts the woman that gives out her phone to the first FB contact that has an attractive photo. Is that your plan?

She will have issues if she is innocent? Damn, she isn't innocent man, can't you see it? She receives a guy repeatedly in her home alone, she has wierd episodes with ex-boyfriends and she gives out her phone to FB contacts. That, by itself is more than enough for a good old argument. What docj is doing is just seeing if it's even worse than that. 

Plus, if you ever find yourself in this situation if you follow that route of "this situation is toxic" i hope you're comfortable with an open marriage. It just so happens that most people aren't. 

I personally consider the expression "open marriage" an oxymoron.


----------



## Ansley

Yeah...we shouldnt encourage the facebook page. Matter of fact he needs to get to a computer and delete it ASAP. There are a number of people in this sick world facing misdemeanor and some felony charges for tormenting others with fake facebook pages. Sorry if Im being melo-dramatic.

He never said what prompted him to create a fake page in the first place. I thought Morris was the trigger.

Sadly I could care less about her feelings. She is up to something. To loose with her #, to eager to make male friends and the exboyfriend who didnt look her up until DocJ left town..Come on! 

Either get solid proof (not the facebook page) or serve her with papers.

He has left his home and family to make better money to put them in a better place. What is she doing to make things better?


----------



## alton

Well for a start I'd never get myself in a situation where I'm 1000 miles away from the wife, and I know she'd never let me either. But this isn't about me.

Forget about her for a second, how is HE behaving and is it how a husband should behave? If you have a concern you confront your wife, end of. If you're not happy after that and can't work it out you leave. You don't snoop on her (at least not beyond a reasonable level) and certainly don't hire someone to investigate her unless you're planning ahead for divorce. Simply put if you go down that road you're marriage is already doomed regardless of the result, so what's the point?

It's like burning money to see if it's real, you either find out it's fake or find out it's real and lose it anyway. Whats the point?

The situation IS toxic, she's not behaving like a wife and he's not behaving like a husband and (I'm sorry docJ) I really can't see this having even a moderately happy ending.


----------



## costa200

> Well for a start I'd never get myself in a situation where I'm 1000 miles away from the wife


It's a temporary work situation for him. You think he should refuse and lose his job or something because he can't trust his wife for some weeks?



> If you have a concern you confront your wife, end of.


And if there is something going on she will bury it and hide it better. Stop by the infidelity forum and read some stories. There are plenty of guys there who did just that and they ended up being cheated on for months and years. 

Honestly, that cosmopolitan way of doing things usually has no visible results once there are clear indications of cheating. Do you expect your possibly cheating wife to suddenly admit she is banging the neighbor you don't like after some months of lying to you?

That's a pretty naive way of going about it. Trust isn't keeping your eyes closed and hoping for the best. Trust must be earned as the relationship progresses. Once you do things to destroy that trust you must win it back.



> It's like burning money to see if it's real, you either find out it's fake or find out it's real and lose it anyway. Whats the point?


If you have some shady money in your pocket that you don't know is real or a counterfeit will you pay stuff with it and risk having huge legal problems? Or do you try and find ways to assure yourself? 



> The situation IS toxic, she's not behaving like a wife and he's not behaving like a husband


He's not behaving like a husband? No, he is not behaving with your notion of what a husband is. I hope you never get in a position where your wife is cheating on you. Because if you go about it like you seem to be hinting at you're in for some rough awakening.


----------



## alton

Oh it's definitely just my opinion. Like I said earlier in the thread, maybe I'm just naive. I certainly don't have any experience in these matters unlike many others who are probably better placed to give advice.

But frankly if my opinions do make me naive then so be it, I'm perfectly comfortable with that if this is the alternative.


----------



## Ansley

Poor guy is going to have to put something into action..besides flowers, romantic dinner and fake facebook pages. He will have to go home look for evidence, get her a cell phone he can track, offer to fly her to see him or get a PI. Wehave all told him this isnt innocent at all and he knows it himself. He still posts like he "wonders" whats up but lets face it..he knows. He made a fake page and he is posting here. I hope she doesnt know about his last wife being into swinging. She could use that as validation for her behavior.


----------



## costa200

alton said:


> Oh it's definitely just my opinion. Like I said earlier in the thread, maybe I'm just naive. I certainly don't have any experience in these matters unlike many others who are probably better placed to give advice.
> 
> But frankly if my opinions do make me naive then so be it, I'm perfectly comfortable with that if this is the alternative.


When i was a teen i used to think like that. Then i saw some stuff happening around me. Believe me, you don't want to be naive in these matters.


----------



## still.trying

Yes it's weird. But so is living apart. You need to live together ASAP no matter what. Not saying something is going on, but the potential is their. They are spending so much time together, that's how people fall in love.


----------



## docj

Thanks Costa buddy.

Alton how old are you? You say you would.never get into.a.situation where you worked #000 miles away from your wife?
You dont seem to have a lot of lifes experience I can tell.

Costa thumbs up buddy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

docj said:


> Okay folks. This is what I did. I created a fictitious account on fb. With a muscular guy photos. Emailed her and after two weeks she has just emailed me. I put my city as the same one she she lives in. . This is what her email said ..." Holle, how are you? Call me so we can talk sometime ###_###_####Im.still holding hope here. Women friends here tell me why does a woman give her number out???Could it be to chat or meet up? I emailed back saying I wasnt aware this city has such beautiful single women. Im.awaiting reply.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


NFW. UFB. No faithful married woman is going to respond to a random guy with her phone number.


----------



## Ansley

Entropy3000 said:


> NFW. UFB. No faithful married woman is going to respond to a random guy with her phone number.


...And she's a school teacher...who by the way is not good with computers so has another guy help with her complicated portfolio!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

Ansley said:


> ...And she's a school teacher...who by the way is not good with computers so has another guy help with her complicated portfolio!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That i can believe... I have colleagues that can spend half their life on facebook and can't format a text to save their lives


----------



## keko

How's it going docj? Has she responded anymore to the fake fb?


----------



## docj

No she hasnt responded to it. But she is going out tonight with her older neighbor lady.friend( whom I know too ) . They are going karaoke singing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

You didn't had any family/friends near back home right?


----------



## docj

Yes. No one near home that I know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

doc, the not knowing is going to eat you alive. Try to take off a few days from work now and check your house yourself if PI is out of the budget. Don't bother waiting for your 3 week return date to come, book a plane/hotel right now and see what's happening for yourself.

Do you have kids from this woman? Are you two sharing a mortgage or any other large debt?


----------



## Entropy3000

docj said:


> No she hasnt responded to it. But she is going out tonight with her older neighbor lady.friend( whom I know too ) . They are going karaoke singing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know, as common as this activity is ... I have never gone. Is this a marriage friendly activity?

Serious question.


----------



## Ansley

Entropy3000 said:


> You know, as commone as this activity is ... I hve never gone. Is this a marriage friendly activity?
> 
> Serious question.


Actually yes depending on where you go to do it. Just bring ear plugs when i do it.


----------



## docj

Ansley please sing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Entropy yes it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Ansley please sing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No way! I get signed up for it everytime we go! I am awful!


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Thanks Costa buddy.
> 
> Alton how old are you? You say you would.never get into.a.situation where you worked #000 miles away from your wife?
> You dont seem to have a lot of lifes experience I can tell.
> 
> Costa thumbs up buddy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This isnt a TV show where everything is solved in an hour. I think most people really are trying to get you to see there is a huge problem. I think most of us are waiting to see what you plan to do about it. Your head is spinning so your thoughts are all over the place (rightfully so) Im assuming everyone in this section has been cheated on. Mine took me 2 years (1998-2000) to figure out what to do. Of course I got divorced & raised 3 little boys by myself. (Up until meeting my current husband) Wouldnt change it for anything. I so wish that back then there was text messaging, facebook, and we were regular email users. I know my ex wouldve hung himself easily that way. I had to find phone #'s while doing laundry/cleaning out his truck or lunchbox. Wait in parking lots at bars. You know the old "lipstick in the collar investigations" HAHAHAH

Im going to leave the facebook thing alone because 1. i think its a bad idea that will blow up on you 2. you havent said what made you do it in the first place.

Just going on your first post...she's involved. She admits everyone at school thought they were having an affair. He leaves that school. That shouldve been it. But no! They continue and now he is trying to get her a job where he works. Why? So they can behave inappropriatley around those teacher and students? The 3rd time is a charm portfolio, the exboyfriend that came to visit after you left town and putting Morris on the phone...well the writing is on the wall. 

Anyhow we are beating a dead horse here. Do some soul searching and figure out how you are going to put your mind to rest. No one on here (unfortunatley) can do it for you. 

I wouldnt put to much stock in finding anything when you go home. She knows when you are coming home and leaving. Evidence will be gone. Morris wont be around, the exboyfriend wont be stalking her...it will be bliss. Manipulators know how to do this. 

You say you have an Iphone and she has a cricket phone. Tell her its time to upgrade. Get her a new phone, cancel the cricket and go from there. 

Waiting to go home and see whats really going on is a farce. 

BTW-you never sais where in OK you are working?


----------



## still.trying

Are you living together yet? That is priority number one. I am a teacher. Working on your portfolio isn't very hard. They are having an emotional affair. fact. Not necessarily worth divorcing over. If you are optionally living so far apart, than it could even be said it is partially your fault. Just a little bit. Mostly hers. She shouldn't allow this guy to be such a big part of her life. She is a grown up and know that when people spend a lot of time together they grow close. They could fall in love without ever meaning to. Quit your job and move in with your wife or have her quit hers and move in with you. If you can't do that than move on with your life.


----------



## Ansley

still.trying said:


> Are you living together yet? That is priority number one. I am a teacher. Working on your portfolio isn't very hard. They are having an emotional affair. fact. Not necessarily worth divorcing over. If you are optionally living so far apart, than it could even be said it is partially your fault. Just a little bit. Mostly hers. She shouldn't allow this guy to be such a big part of her life. She is a grown up and know that when people spend a lot of time together they grow close. They could fall in love without ever meaning to. Quit your job and move in with your wife or have her quit hers and move in with you. If you can't do that than move on with your life.


That's his job. He would more than likely have to change fields to babysit her. I know people have a tough time with a spouse working out of town but I have had to stomach it several times with my husband. There is not alot of new construction going on with our ecomnomy. Take half the pay doing something else (that wont cover your bills) or travel at full rate plus an awesome per dieum. Its not perfect but certainly isnt a deal breaker for a marriage. Trust me (and I mean trust me) she is enjoying all the extra money coming in. 

Its until the end of the year and he says the job will be over and he will be back home. 

BTW-Im glad another teacher weighed in on this.


----------



## still.trying

Ya - I dealt with a year long deployment so I know what it is like. And I didn't deal with it well. EA so I know what that's like too. Technically if she agreed to it than she should hold up her end of the bargain, but some people just can't. If she can't deal with the being apart thing, than they need to do something with their jobs so they can live together or separate.


----------



## Ansley

I think he is done with it honestly. He stopped posting anything relevant to the subject and hasnt said anything about what he plans to do. I understand. My ex wore me out to.


----------



## docj

Ansley yeah. Well im just waiting for her to call me. She went out last night with her lady neighbor for karaoke as she said she needed time for herself. " me time". So they decided to go out. And im also going up early to see for myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## still.trying

Living apart doesn't give her enough Me TIme? It's over.


----------



## alton

docj said:


> Thanks Costa buddy.
> 
> Alton how old are you? You say you would.never get into.a.situation where you worked #000 miles away from your wife?
> You dont seem to have a lot of lifes experience I can tell.
> 
> Costa thumbs up buddy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


24... so maybe you have a point 

Ok, I'll leave this one to you mate. I know I've not exactly come down on your side in this issue but genuinely hope it all works out for you.


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Ansley yeah. Well im just waiting for her to call me. She went out last night with her lady neighbor for karaoke as she said she needed time for herself. " me time". So they decided to go out. And im also going up early to see for myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doc--what "me time" ? she is living alone and sees her kids here and there. 

I hate to tell you but going home early wont show you anything. Are you going to wrestle her phone from her? New clothes and panties dont prove anything. I buy new stuff all the time. 

I wish you luck and clarity.


----------



## costa200

> Doc--what "me time" ? she is living alone and sees her kids here and there.


Yeah, good point. Unless she is having a big workload, but she doesn't seem to be, sleeping 12 hours a day and all.


----------



## Entropy3000

Ansley said:


> Actually yes depending on where you go to do it. Just bring ear plugs when i do it.


And of course this makes sense. Thanks. 

So if I was him when I stopped back in town I would check out some fo the places she claims to be going.


----------



## Entropy3000

still.trying said:


> Living apart doesn't give her enough Me TIme? It's over.


I was thinking the same thing. Me Time?


----------



## Entropy3000

There are times in life when a man may have to work someone remote form his wife. These are to be avoided IMO. 

It is easy to understand how this can cause a problem for marriages. I do not in anyway see this as an excuse for folks to cheat. But people who live apart fopr these times have to have extreme boundaries compared to the rest of us. Having another man over the house is not even in the ball park. Having a close male friend period is inviting unfaithfulness. I say this as someone who spent eight years in the Navy.


----------



## tennisstar

Entropy3000 said:


> There are times in life when a man may have to work someone remote form his wife. These are to be avoided IMO.
> 
> It is easy to understand how this can cause a problem for marriages. I do not in anyway see this as an excuse for folks to cheat. But people who live apart fopr these times have to have extreme boundaries compared to the rest of us. Having another man over the house is not even in the ball park. Having a close male friend period is inviting unfaithfulness. I say this as someone who spent eight years in the Navy.


I think most people try to avoid these long times away from spouses, but I understand in this economy, people just need to be able to pay their bills. My husband is considering a schedule that is 28 days away at a time. I don't like it, but he feels he might lose his current job anyday and we have to pay our bills. I already make as much as possible in my profession, but he has to work too. So I can understand people sometimes have to take jobs like this.

She may be feeling lonely, but that's no excuse to cheat. Maybe she needs some hobbies after work. If my husband was gone for a month at a time, I would miss him, but I have a full calendar after work playing sports.

I do agree that men at the house is unacceptable, and you need to set clear boundaries with her. On the other hand, I think it may be too late because she's already cheating. You need to fimd out if she is....otherwise, you are sending home your money to a woman who is enjoying it with oher men! Do you really like doing that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

Im the sucker---he has 1 friend on here and its me---look at his profile. I believe its a farce.


----------



## Ansley

I promise his last wife that was a swinger is still with him (if she exists) and he is not 1000 miles away( I asked 2 times where in Oklahoma are you) . I gave the benefit of the doubt this was real .....2009 had a swinger wife....hmmmm ...left her....met/married a new woman and OMG she is into new relationships too (during her honeymoon phase) In 3 years he divorced/met current wife/married (what a courtship)/got cheated on .......Move your energy on to someone you can help-

so where in oklahoma are you DocJ?


----------



## humanbecoming

Ansley said:


> Im the sucker---he has 1 friend on here and its me---look at his profile. I believe its a farce.


Don't sweat it. These things happen.


----------



## Ansley

humanbecoming said:


> Don't sweat it. These things happen.


No problem..I am to trusting--just deleted my pictures from here. I need to be more careful.


----------



## MadeInMichigan

Ansley said:


> I promise his last wife that was a swinger is still with him (if she exists) and he is not 1000 miles away( I asked 2 times where in Oklahoma are you) . I gave the benefit of the doubt this was real .....2009 had a swinger wife....hmmmm ...left her....met/married a new woman and OMG she is into new relationships too (during her honeymoon phase) In 3 years he divorced/met current wife/married (what a courtship)/got cheated on .......Move your energy on to someone you can help-
> 
> so where in oklahoma are you DocJ?


 Very astute...very smart of you. I agree...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

humanbecoming said:


> Don't sweat it. These things happen.



btw---you are not a "humanbecoming" you are a soul that has a body


----------



## Ansley

MadeInMichigan said:


> Very astute...very smart of you. I agree...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



irritates me when people make up stories to get attention...cute when you are a child....but an adult? really? I am way to trusting.


----------



## MadeInMichigan

I know....all of us "good people" get sucked in sometimes. Don't beat yourself up over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Ansley. You can delete me if u want. Ive been busy n not on here to answer ecery question. I apologise. I am a.grown man. Ive no reason to waste.MY time here askibg questions that are not true. My last wife was cheating n left me in 2010. I met anot dont see whyher woman n re married. Had to leave n go 1000 miles away veacuse of a job. Economy is bad. Things stafyed getting funny with jer not too long ago . Im attrubuting this to our distance. I dont see why that is so suspiciously fake. People can divorce n re marry n face marital problems in three years. I have better things to do with my free time than to waste it here posting a story. I posted here seeking help cause this is a forum where several people have gone through similar problems. Are we saging the world has.never	had someone divorce n re marry n experience problems in the new marriage?And Ansley you can remove your pics. Ive never written you a romantic letter. You make it seem like I was stalking you. Jesus give me a break. I have a wife I love very much n thats why im here to pour my heary in a way I cant with male friends. Here I can pour my heart out to people who are empathetic. People eho give good advice unlike yahoo answers where kids post. 
If your grievance with me is that I had problems three yrs ago with an ex wife,she divorced me, hadnt been bx ck on.this site for three yrs untill the 20 th of this month when I strted experiencing problems with my new wife,.thenim sorry for u not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

People on here amaze me. Why would any grown person waste the very few hours you get in between work n rest n work posting fake stuff here. ? So much to do out there. Ansley I havent even been here in over three years. Why? Cause I met someone new. And its been bliss until recently. This I came bck here to seek views. Why is it impossible to believe that someone in over three years, over 1000.days,.can divorce,remarry,move out of town for a job cause of the messed up economy with no jobs at home,and start experiencing marital problems ? 
If tgere are people who are juvenile enough to waste their time posting nonsense thats good for them. Not all of us fall into this category.
Ive taken advice here from friends and I know what I ned to do. Im going home early. This mater has been giving me heartache and its why I came back here seeking answers n support. Men can not talk to their male frieds about their problems. We ball up n toughen it out. Here I can cry n pour my heart. If that is as suspicious as the lone gunman killing kennedy then the problem might be you not.me. Thanks all for the support n advice. Believe me I take it all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

And if your suspicion is cause I didnt answer what city I am in.then I wyo ll tell you. OKC.
Why would I not stating my city make my story fake? If I didnt answer your question as to what city I live in I apologise. My mind has been occupied by the issue of the possibility of a second wife cheating. This hurts me tremendously. I miss a lot of questions people ask me here and if it offends them too im sorry. I will do a better job answering them. Ive.just been.pre occupied
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Doc, ignore the people that doubt your authenticity. Report them if you have to.

Any updates from your wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Keko thank you. No she went out last night to karaoke. Talked to her briefly this.morning, as in saturday morninh. Ive tried calling her for the last four hrs this evening n no answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

Doc - you need boots on the ground at home. These games you are playing now are only a distraction.


----------



## docj

Shaggy if I trusted anyone 100% id have them there checking. My only option is going early.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

If I had to guess I would expect her to cool off any relationship way before your arrival. Going a day or two early isn't likely to result much, maybe a week or two.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

keko said:


> If I had to guess I would expect her to cool off any relationship way before your arrival. Going a day or two early isn't likely to result much, maybe a week or two.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Yeah. Wish I could get a week early from work. But getting two days early is the best I can do. She called in.the morning and was asking how much I love her etc etc and that we need to be together soon cause... She didnt.finish.the.sentence. And she suggested she quit her.job n move to my state n city instead of waiting for December for me to move back up. I told her not to quit her job. My God not in this economy. Why.the rushn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Does she know the exact day you'll be going back? If she doesn't have a way to verify it, you could tell you'll be late 2-3 days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

docj said:


> Yeah. Wish I could get a week early from work. But getting two days early is the best I can do. She called in.the morning and was asking how much I love her etc etc and that we need to be together soon cause... She didnt.finish.the.sentence. And she suggested she quit her.job n move to my state n city instead of waiting for December for me to move back up. I told her not to quit her job. My God not in this economy. Why.the rushn
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is more important to you, wife, money, job?

Are you sure you are still in love with her?

Isn't she a teacher? I didn't know teachers were having a hard time finding a job?


----------



## Machiavelli

docj said:


> She called in.the morning and was asking how much I love her etc etc and that we need to be together soon cause...


cause she got laid and is feeling guilty.


----------



## costa200

Machiavelli said:


> cause she got laid and is feeling guilty.


Or is about to... At least.


----------



## docj

Possibly. Id hope not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zsu234

Tell her your job was extended 2 weeks and go back 2-3 days early


----------



## Chaparral

Machiavelli said:


> cause she got laid and is feeling guilty.


We don't know that. Optimistically if she is wanting to move there it could be because , well............. she misses her husband. 

Long distance relationship is spelled -h o p e l e s s s i t u a t i o n


----------



## MadeInMichigan

Docj....I looked at your old stuff, I believe you. Sorry for doubting. I was totally sucked into the jb100 thread, and look how that turned out. 

Good luck brother, and get a PI.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

MadeInMichigan said:


> Docj....I looked at your old stuff, I believe you. Sorry for doubting. I was totally sucked into the jb100 thread, and look how that turned out.
> 
> Good luck brother, and get a PI.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hey what happened with jb100? all the threads are gone --i cant find his user name either

btw--tried to pm you but your mailbox is full


----------



## MadeInMichigan

Ansley said:


> hey what happened with jb100? all the threads are gone --i cant find his user name either
> 
> btw--tried to pm you but your mailbox is full


Can't clear pm's from my crackberry, and my laptop is down. Hold that thought and pm when I get the laptop running.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jibril

JB100 was a very enthusiastic troll. His topics were removed by mods when this was discovered.


----------



## docj

Who is jb ????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Costa these last.few.days its been easier to get a hold of her. The kids had been visiting from their dads for a few days. They were going back home today. She called in.the morning briefly and said she would call back as soon as she finished a chore she was doing. That was 8 am. Its now 8 pm . Still waiting. So ive called and no answer. I want to see if it will be like last week where she called back after 17 hr. This in itself would be very telling as to why when the kids arent there its hard to get a hold of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Yep the kids were obviously an obstacle for her second lifestyle.


----------



## docj

Keko then why is she insisting i move back asap or she is even suggesting she quit her job n come to.my city
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Very confusing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

If she were to shut up and be supportive of you being away wouldn't that be more suspicious?


----------



## docj

True
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Keko then why is she insisting i move back asap or she is even suggesting she quit her job n come to.my city
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I guess I missed where she was insisting you move back asap. Her saying she will move is a smoke screen. School starts here within the next month. Im assuming she hasnt taken state boards in Oklahoma? She doesnt see her kids that often. I hope she isnt the type of mom to cut that off totally.


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> Costa these last.few.days its been easier to get a hold of her. The kids had been visiting from their dads for a few days. They were going back home today. She called in.the morning briefly and said she would call back as soon as she finished a chore she was doing. That was 8 am. Its now 8 pm . Still waiting. So ive called and no answer. I want to see if it will be like last week where she called back after 17 hr. This in itself would be very telling as to why when the kids arent there its hard to get a hold of her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, that difference of availability to answer the phone when her kids are there and when they are not does sound bad. Have you thought about that suggestion of telling her you'll be a week later and then showing up at the original date?


----------



## docj

Ansley yeah possibly so. Costa yeap. We spoke earlier in the morning. Briefly. I called her. She.was meant to.call back after like two hrs for our daily.chat hr since shes off. She was running errands. Well she called two hrs ago and i missed call. I called back after 15 min. Two times. No reply. 
Im thinking one of the things im.going to do from today, is limit my calls to her. To one a day or one everybtwo days. I will let her do the calling and textinh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Assuming all is okay and we are all wrong, ill give her room to now do the chasing. Its pathetic to feel like your desparate when you are trying to have normal communication with your spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Yeah Ansley i told her no to moving. Her kids are young and need her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Ansley yeah possibly so. Costa yeap. We spoke earlier in the morning. Briefly. I called her. She.was meant to.call back after like two hrs for our daily.chat hr since shes off. She was running errands. Well she called two hrs ago and i missed call. I called back after 15 min. Two times. No reply.
> Im thinking one of the things im.going to do from today, is limit my calls to her. To one a day or one everybtwo days. I will let her do the calling and textinh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


good idea!


----------



## PBear

docj said:


> Assuming all is okay and we are all wrong, ill give her room to now do the chasing. Its pathetic to feel like your desparate when you are trying to have normal communication with your spouse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I mentioned long ago that doing the chasing would make you look needy and desperate, even if she wasn't having an affair. It's definitely a tricky situation; you don't want her to feel like you've forgotten or abandoned her, but if your the one constantly doing the chasing, she'll lose respect for you. You might want to look at the thread in the men's forum about turning down the thermostat.

C


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Yeah Ansley i told her no to moving. Her kids are young and need her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Once again you're the good guy and voice of reason. I really hope she is just trying to make you jealous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

And here I go again..why does she not have full custody of her young children? She's s school teacher--i can't see a judge turning that down. I understand split custody but that obviously isn't the arrangement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Ansley said:


> Once again you're the good guy and voice of reason. I really hope she is just trying to make you jealous.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Only when the kids aren't with her? By giving her number out to a random man? Having another male at his house?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

keko said:


> Only when the kids aren't with her? By giving her number out to a random man? Having another male at his house?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I meant docj is a good guy and I hope she is just pulling this to make him jealous. There is alot of extremes. Giving #'s out, having guys over, no contact for 17+ hours and then insists on him moving home or her moving to oklahoma. I think she is and has been up to no good but is obvious he is holding out hope and still has his doubts.


----------



## docj

Thanks Ansley.

Just spoke with her briefly as she had to get off the phone as she was he ading for a massage. After two minutes of talking she was like I have to let u go now . I casually asked where r you going...she resoonded.to a massage, talk to u later bye". I was left wondering wow you cant talk whilst driving?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

Talking and driving is in general a bad idea. But right now the important thing is to get you physically in the vicinity of your wife. All this doesn't look good.


----------



## warlock07

When are you going home? These suspicions will eat away at your marriage whether they are true or not.


----------



## Ansley

I still dont think a visit home is going to shed much light. I really hoped he would get her a phone he could monitor the activity online.


----------



## warlock07

Not to her. It is for the PI work. A couple of days on the weekend spying on her will shed a lot of details.

Or a surprise visit and dropping off all the spy tools where he need them would be another option


----------



## Ansley

warlock07 said:


> Not to her. It is for the PI work. A couple of days on the weekend spying on her will shed a lot of details.
> 
> Or a surprise visit and dropping off all the spy tools where he need them would be another option


True to the spy tools...not sure how he will monitor from Okla. I think she will be overly loving and on best behavior.


----------



## docj

Im getting closer. Today i found out why her and Morris quit the job they.both had last year. Apparently.it was getting crappy, and they fired two.co workers..then.people were talking about how her n him.were having something. So they.decided to quit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

How much longer till you go back?

Do you want to catch them in the act?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## toaooc

Obviously you are a little uncomfortable with the situation, so talk to your wife about it, comunication is a key to a healthy relationship. Don't ask us why wouldn't she go to his house, ask your wife, listen to what she says and if you are still uncomfortable with the answers, let her know that, and hopfully you'll reach a compromise.


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Im getting closer. Today i found out why her and Morris quit the job they.both had last year. Apparently.it was getting crappy, and they fired two.co workers..then.people were talking about how her n him.were having something. So they.decided to quit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very rare for teachers -especially 2- to get fired midyear---and then for her and morris to leave their classrooms behind--sounds like more lies--youre her husband-why did you not know this before?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

docj said:


> Keko then why is she insisting i move back asap or she is even suggesting she quit her job n come to.my city
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She maybe conflicted if she is fooling around. It's not uncommon for WS to do stuff like this. They get worked up and jump to extremes like extreme solutions to their problems.

She may have had a n argument with the possible OM, or she talked with someone and she was feeling like she just wanted to escape the lies and run away and be with you.

So this isn't odd at al and I'm sorry but its yet another indication that something may be going on.


----------



## Shaggy

Her going back to large amounts of being unavailable means that some kind of eyes on the ground would likely really help.


----------



## docj

You guys are the best . I go home in two weeks. I dont'believe how they both decided to quit a job last based on rumors of them.having an.affaor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

Are you sure they quit, or were they given the chance to quit?


----------



## keko

docj said:


> You guys are the best . I go home in two weeks. I dont'believe how they both decided to quit a job last based on rumors of them.having an.affaor.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not soon enough doc. You need to find a way to check her and OM, otherwise the not knowing/limbo is giving you a false hope but that is only going to prolong the pain when you do find out.


----------



## docj

Shaggy said:


> Are you sure they quit, or were they given the chance to quit?


wondering the same thing too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Keko she thinks im going last two days of Aug.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

All that waiting is going to kill you... You may have a gastric ulcer by then!


----------



## docj

Ansley i knew she had told me that where they worked.°c fore people hd started a.rumor that her and him were seeing each other. But i didnt think aboutbit cause that was even.before we met. 
Its only now when im looking at all her actions that it has become noteworthy. Her words were " they said me and him .....thinking we were having something which isnt particularly true"... I dont think she even realizes she used the word "particularly".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

Strange wording that...


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Im getting closer. Today i found out why her and Morris quit the job they.both had last year. Apparently.it was getting crappy, and they fired two.co workers..then.people were talking about how her n him.were having something. So they.decided to quit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I forgot to ask why the 2 coworkers got fired. Teaching is a pretty safe job. To get fired you have to be wildly inappropriate. Your wife and Morris up and quitting is strange too....teachers normally arent "job hoppers" What grade do they teach? When does the school year start there? 

ALso you said you cant meet Morris when you go back because he works 7pm-7am....Im assuming this is a summer job?

I hope you see clearly that none of what she says makes any sense.


----------



## docj

Hi Ansley . Well she said co.workers got fired cause the boss was stupid. That the co workers were good n hardworking and boss was a jack ass and fired them. Then she n.Morris also resigned. This is the part time job they used to do wh en school was out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Costa yes it is
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Hi Ansley . Well she said co.workers got fired cause the boss was stupid. That the co workers were good n hardworking and boss was a jack ass and fired them. Then she n.Morris also resigned. This is the part time job they used to do wh en school was out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hmmm doc doc doc....they had the same summer time part time job --quit together and now she is trying to work at the same school he is at. Please get her a phone you can track. During the 17 hours she goes MIA ...i bet you will find she has time to talk to someone else.


----------



## warlock07

Aaah...there are so many things you can do to verify if you were close. GPS her car and phone. Keylog the comp. Var the house. Nannycams


----------



## Chaparral

What I don't get is that both of you work but you can't afford to get home till the end of the year. Its only one thousand miles. Did I miss something?


----------



## Entropy3000

chapparal said:


> What I don't get is that both of you work but you can't afford to get home till the end of the year. Its only one thousand miles. Did I miss something?


Indeed.


----------



## Hopefull363

Exactly. You can drive from NY to FL in about 14 - 16 hours. If you have 2 days off in a row, do it. Call in for the 3rd day and rent a car. This isn't something you should be waiting so long on. I've been watching this thread the whole time. You're sitting back and doing nothing. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get. If you don't drive get a bus ticket or a train ticket. This is your marriage, your life. Don't sit back and do nothing.


----------



## Hopefull363

Not saying you guys are in NY or FL. Just using that as an example.


----------



## Entropy3000

Hopefull363 said:


> Exactly. You can drive from NY to FL in about 14 - 16 hours. If you have 2 days off in a row, do it. Call in for the 3rd day and rent a car. This isn't something you should be waiting so long on. I've been watching this thread the whole time. You're sitting back and doing nothing. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get. If you don't drive get a bus ticket or a train ticket. This is your marriage, your life. Don't sit back and do nothing.


I agree. But I would also suggest that flying in is not that expensive when compared to trying to save a marriage.


----------



## Ansley

He can get her a phone that he can view activity on-line--he can hire a PI---there has to be someone he knows there who can check up. This thing is all over the place and no suprise visit is going to fix anything.


----------



## Chaparral

Ansley said:


> He can get her a phone that he can view activity on-line--he can hire a PI---there has to be someone he knows there who can check up. This thing is all over the place and no suprise visit is going to fix anything.


My point wasn't to make a surprise visit. But I would not leave my family for months on end because I was just a thousand miles away. I would be making regular trips home, especially if he is working where I think he's working.


----------



## Ansley

chapparal said:


> My point wasn't to make a surprise visit. But I would not leave my family for months on end because I was just a thousand miles away. I would be making regular trips home, especially if he is working where I think he's working.


My husband is in new construction and has had to work out of town 4 times now. Either he came home or I went to see him. I even loaded up our dogs for one trip--will never do that again. 

Not sure where OP calls home. He says he is 1000 miles away. But he also says he doesnt know anyone where he is from that can help him check up on his wife. Im assuming where he and WW call home isnt his "home town"


----------



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT

I'm not sure if somebody mentioned this before but why would a married man taking your wife out for her birthday even be an option? You think his wife would know about that and be comfortable with it? There's no way in hell. In fact I'm sure she has no clue about any of the times they have been out together. The reason is simple. It's not appropriate. As for this guy constantly coming over your house I find it laughable that you found some justification to be fine with this.


----------



## tennisstar

Docj, you don't seem to be making any progress. Are you I'm denial and really don't want to find out what's going on? I'm not putting you down, but your lack.of action makes me wonder if you're afraid you're going to fond out your wife is cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hopefull363

Docj,

Are you alright? You didn't post yesterday or today. Hopefully that means you are with your wife?


----------



## Ansley

He is making zero progress----poor guy had a bad marriage before and signed up again...its 2012 he could get a leg up on surveillance --he chooses not to
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hopefull363

He's making zero progress because he's not following advice. Just like you said. Ansley, I lived in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma a long time ago. Beautiful state. I loved it there.


----------



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT

I'm sorry but somebody this naive isn't going to follow advice from anybody.


----------



## Ansley

Hopefull363 said:


> He's making zero progress because he's not following advice. Just like you said. Ansley, I lived in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma a long time ago. Beautiful state. I loved it there.


Lived here my entire life---we live in oologah by the lake--work in tulsa

On subject--this situation won't change until he does
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lettre

[email protected] said:


> I agree with Topher - see if you can get ahold of the OM's wife and have a chat with her.
> 
> The other thing you can probably check are her text messages, might be interesting to see if and how often the OM and your wife are texting.


checking other people's text messages is a terrible idea. It is unethical. 

Why not share your fears with your wife directly and ask her, in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way, to let you know if there is something you need to worry about in this relationship? Let her know that you trust her, but that this distance between the two of you makes you feel vulnerable and that you'd like to understand better what needs this person is meeting and what role, exactly, he has in her life. I think if you simply tell her your fears, her response will tell you a great deal about what is going on (even if she isn't directly telling you the truth, which is not a conclusion I would suggest jumping to).


----------



## Entropy3000

lettre said:


> checking other people's text messages is a terrible idea. It is unethical.
> 
> Why not share your fears with your wife directly and ask her, in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way, to let you know if there is something you need to worry about in this relationship? Let her know that you trust her, but that this distance between the two of you makes you feel vulnerable and that you'd like to understand better what needs this person is meeting and what role, exactly, he has in her life. I think if you simply tell her your fears, her response will tell you a great deal about what is going on (even if she isn't directly telling you the truth, which is not a conclusion I would suggest jumping to).


LOL. Not everyone takes breaks from their marriage and has sex with others. Nothing unethical about looking at the cmmunications your spouse has with other men. Marriage is a partnership between two people. They share life together. In fact to not protect a marriage is naive and ambivalent.

He has said nothing about being ok with an open marriage. He left out that he and his wife agreed to have an open marriage and that this was to remain a secret between them. The assumption and maybe this is incorrect was that they were in monogamous relationship.


----------



## Ansley

lettre said:


> checking other people's text messages is a terrible idea. It is unethical.
> 
> Why not share your fears with your wife directly and ask her, in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way, to let you know if there is something you need to worry about in this relationship? Let her know that you trust her, but that this distance between the two of you makes you feel vulnerable and that you'd like to understand better what needs this person is meeting and what role, exactly, he has in her life. I think if you simply tell her your fears, her response will tell you a great deal about what is going on (even if she isn't directly telling you the truth, which is not a conclusion I would suggest jumping to).


Cheating is unethical. Im sure if he asks her she will be totally honest (yeah right) He knows enough to know she is up to no good. She has dropped plenty of hints and has a male friend that visits. With the distance she could tell him anything and he would have no way to find out if it is truth. That is why I keep suggesting getting her a new phone.


----------



## costa200

> checking other people's text messages is a terrible idea. It is unethical.


I wonder good old chap... While you pass me tea and cream... What makes you think a man being cheated upon gives a a doodlie doo about ethics?


----------



## alton

Why would a man being cheated upon give a doodlie doo about what is in her messages? Just leave if you're so sure. 

The justification that this is "protecting the marriage" is crap. There are far better ways to protect a marriage than turning into Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau.


----------



## Entropy3000

alton said:


> Why would a man being cheated upon give a doodlie doo about what is in her messages? Just leave if you're so sure.
> 
> The justification that this is "protecting the marriage" is crap. There are far better ways to protect a marriage than turning into Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau.


You miss the point. It is about transparency. Not investigating. It is living with no secrets.

This is a very foreign concept to many who have been married less than a year. Many still think single.


----------



## costa200

alton said:


> Why would a man being cheated upon give a doodlie doo about what is in her messages? Just leave if you're so sure.
> 
> The justification that this is "protecting the marriage" is crap. There are far better ways to protect a marriage than turning into Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau.


Like burying your head in the sand while your woman cheats on you? Or perhaps leave a marriage without evidence risking a huge injustice? Without knowing what is going on, how do you know what to do? 

I think the interest he may show in knowing what his wife is typing to others clearly indicates that he is not sure.


----------



## alton

Entropy3000 said:


> You miss the point. It is about transparency. Not investigating. It is living with no secrets.
> 
> This is a very foreign concept to many who have been married less than a year. Many still think single.


No, I'm completely with you on that one actually. Me and the wife know each others passwords to emails (she often gets me to email people for her) and often read through each others texts. I'm 100% with you on transparency. 

But this is not what most here are suggesting, they are suggesting snooping, investigating, spying and even hiring a stranger to follow your wife around. Huge difference. 



costa200 said:


> Like burying your head in the sand while your woman cheats on you? Or perhaps leave a marriage without evidence risking a huge injustice? Without knowing what is going on, how do you know what to do?
> 
> I think the interest he may show in knowing what his wife is typing to others clearly indicates that he is not sure.


There is no consistancy in what you say. You use her 'cheating' to justify snooping yet he needs to snoop to find out if she is cheating?


----------



## costa200

> There is no consistancy in what you say. You use her 'cheating' to justify snooping yet he needs to snoop to find out if she is cheating?


He has cause for suspicion. I would like to hear from you what would you do if your wife has suspicious behavior and you actually had very little to go with. What then? Please do tell... 



> Me and the wife know each others passwords to emails (she often gets me to email people for her) and often read through each others texts.


That's me too, and it's great. Now what would you do if all the sudden your wife decided to re-password all her stuff, hugged her phone like a second skin and gave some sorry ass excuse for this behavior? 
(this is actually a very common situation in cheating situations)


----------



## lovelygirl

alton said:


> But this is not what most here are suggesting, they are suggesting snooping, investigating, spying and even hiring a stranger to follow your wife around. Huge difference.


If so, what's wrong with that?

If you're unable to follow your wife everywhere she goes, why can't someone else do it instead?
You want the truth or not?


----------



## alton

Frankly? I'm not that desperate for the truth, no.

I guess it comes down to you own personal principles. But it's something I would never do, I'd rather leave and not know the truth for certain than compromise what I consider to be the way a husband/wife should behave. 



costa200 said:


> He has cause for suspicion. I would like to hear from you what would you do if your wife has suspicious behavior and you actually had very little to go with. What then? Please do tell...


I'd confront her about my concerns. 

Yeah yeah I know, she'll lie, get better at hiding etc etc. Don't be so naive Alton. 

I guess my way you'll never know for certain, doubts may remain, you might be made a fool of, but it's the only way to go if you want your marriage to have any chance of a real future.


----------



## Cosmos

docj said:


> Keko then why is she insisting i move back asap or she is even suggesting she quit her job n come to.my city
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because she might have 'only' been having a mild flirtation with this guy and she's worried about it progressing further.

OP, you really do need to find out the status of your marriage once and for all, and put an end to this living so far apart.


----------



## costa200

> I guess it comes down to you own personal principles. But it's something I would never do, I'd rather leave and not know the truth for certain than compromise what I consider to be the way a husband/wife should behave.


So you would leave a woman you love over a suspicion? What if you're just being paranoid? Words are cheap friend, do you really see yourself walking away on your love because there is a hint that something is going on?



> I guess my way you'll never know for certain, doubts may remain, you might be made a fool of, but it's the only way to go if you want your marriage to have any chance of a real future.


Real future? As in you being continuously cheated on for years even suspecting it? That kind of future?


----------



## alton

Walking away would be a last resort after what I would consider normal courses of action to try and get to the truth. 

No. A real future where you talk things over with your wife, address your concerns if possible, learn to trust if possible, set new boundries, address past mistakes and move on. 

Better than a future where you have to set up secret wire taps and cameras, hire PI's and all sorts of other things each time your wife looks at someone. There is no such thing as a marriage with no trust.


----------



## sinnister

alton said:


> Walking away would be a last resort after what I would consider normal courses of action to try and get to the truth.
> 
> No. A real future where you talk things over with your wife, address your concerns if possible, learn to trust if possible, set new boundries, address past mistakes and move on.
> 
> Better than a future where you have to set up secret wire taps and cameras, hire PI's and all sorts of other things each time your wife looks at someone. There is no such thing as a marriage with no trust.


Your suggestion would be the way to go...if a cheater could be trusted to act rationally. Otherwise you're wasting your time, your money and your emotions by talking things out with somebody who's in lust with someone else. She or he will say or do anthing to make you feel like you're acting crazy all the while banging the snot out of someone else.

So you be proactive or you be passive. Many of us who don't like the feeling of being cheated on and chose to be proactive. There is nothing wrong with that approach.

OP - I hope these are all just a series of random coincidences that can be explained with verified information...but I doubt it.


----------



## Shaggy

Doc - I'm worried about you - you seemed all over the place and now you're dark. Everything already with you?


----------



## Chaparral

alton said:


> Walking away would be a last resort after what I would consider normal courses of action to try and get to the truth.
> 
> No. A real future where you talk things over with your wife, address your concerns if possible, learn to trust if possible, set new boundries, address past mistakes and move on.
> 
> Better than a future where you have to set up secret wire taps and cameras, hire PI's and all sorts of other things each time your wife looks at someone. There is no such thing as a marriage with no trust.


Go read the how to cheat websites and report back.

Here's one http://www.doccool.com/forum/


----------



## Ansley

Shaggy said:


> Doc - I'm worried about you - you seemed all over the place and now you're dark. Everything already with you?



he is searching for something but the advice we are giving isnt doing it. these are not at all the answers he is looking for. he hasnt talked to a lawyer (there is one on every corner in OKC) conferred with a PI or gotten her a phone he can track. 

I dig it.....it took me forever to call the numbers i found in my ex-husbands jeans. i had periods like docJ is going through where I just shut down. not at all healthy and i strongly do not suggest it. the truth always comes out and when it does it hurts like hell.


----------



## costa200

alton said:


> Walking away would be a last resort after what I would consider normal courses of action to try and get to the truth.


And what actions might those be? How would you get to the truth? You would directly ask your wife if she was cheating or the other guy? 



> No. A real future where you talk things over with your wife, address your concerns if possible, learn to trust if possible, set new boundries, address past mistakes and move on.


Without learning exactly what is going on all this does is position you to be a cuckhold. Don't take my word for it. Drop by on the coping with infidelity forum on this board and read some of those stories. You will quickly learn what happens when you have one of these "talks" without anything real to back up your suspicions. 

The cheating partner will lie to you, gaslight you, and will very likely turn it upside down and you are going to end up apologizing for being a controlling freak.




> Better than a future where you have to set up secret wire taps and cameras, hire PI's and all sorts of other things each time your wife looks at someone. There is no such thing as a marriage with no trust.


Trust is earned by behavior and past history. If you trust your partner just because you think you should even if the behavior gives you cause not to, then you are going to open yourself to pretty unpleasant situations. 

But don't take my words on it. Ask around. There are plenty of people here with such problems.


----------



## docj

Shaggy n.Costa thank you. Ansley.ive stated.here.bfore I dont have the money for a p.i. And im not looking for a lawyer now. Im going to find out whats going on. Why do u keep saying im not taking your advice? How do u know that? Ive said the best I can do is go up next week. Im going up next week. I just cant leave work when I want. Im employed. Im doing what I have to do. Thank u
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

I had a discussion with her today on the importance of communication. Her telling me last.night she will call in.the.morn today and not calling till 5 pm wont cut it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

And her assuring me that there is no one else. Leaving work at.noon.and saying ill call.you when I leave but calling at 6 pm on the way home. Where were u for six hours??????
Now she is texting.back to.back how she loves me and apologising for being MIA
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

She knows im.going in two weeks but im going next week. Im doing what I have to do. Its the best i can do. When you are employed you request time. I dont call in becaise.im.the only one who.can do what I do at work. So please understand om.going next week. Dont suggestbi go tomorrow cause I cant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

And I kept saying to her that in.a ldr without communication the relationship is at an.end. That we must communicate. Communicate or we might as well end, and she kept asking if inwated to.end it. I said NO. I asked her if she wanted to end it n she was categorical NO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

docj said:


> She knows im.going in two weeks but im going next week. Im doing what I have to do. Its the best i can do. When you are employed you request time. I dont call in becaise.im.the only one who.can do what I do at work. So please understand om.going next week. Dont suggestbi go tomorrow cause I cant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make sure to stay at a motel away from home and anyone that may run into you. Rent a cheap car, put on a big hat/glasses and follow her for a day or two. You'll either uncover an affair or her loyalty, either case will get you out of limbo.


----------



## docj

Keko yes. Thank u I will. I.got car rental paid n hotel paid
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

In case you get spotted, have a simple story ready about how you came early to set up a romantic her and you.

Have flowers ready.


----------



## docj

Lol ill blame you Keko, Costa, Ansley amd Shaggy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

I think you you blow your cover!

Its been a while but the last time I posted I recommended instead of going back to work return home a day or two.

If i may be so blunt, I think she does love you and when you not around she gets her needs filled, 

Something tells me a day here or there may not bring you much. I have a feelling that come September or November her communication will go back to what it was in mid July.

Just saying....start saving for that PI

Come on dude that fake FB was just as big a red flag as the MIA stuff.

So work the plan and just be warned that come Sept. or Nov. she will be MIA then as it gets closer to December she will reel in her 2nd life....just like she is reeling it in now a week away from you coming home.

That my $0.02...just another perspective from the_guy


----------



## the guy

My point is I think your wife can reel in her 1st life when you get suspicous and needy, also when her kids are there for the week.

Then she reels out her second life when you are pasified and the kids are gone...

Even when she is working on a project she seems less MIA then when she has her free time Hell even on her days off she seems to reel out her 2nd life and becomes even more MIA for those few days.

I sugeest in the future you track her coms and lack of and see if you can finds a pattern. I bet you will see how common the coms are when the kids are around or your soon to be home.


----------



## alton

costa200 said:


> And what actions might those be? How would you get to the truth? You would directly ask your wife if she was cheating or the other guy?


The response is unique to every situation and every person. I wouldn't directly ask her if she's cheating, I'd ask her questions related to my suspecians to try catch her lying, and maybe a limited amount of poking around. 



> Without learning exactly what is going on all this does is position you to be a cuckhold. Don't take my word for it. Drop by on the coping with infidelity forum on this board and read some of those stories. You will quickly learn what happens when you have one of these "talks" without anything real to back up your suspicions.
> 
> The cheating partner will lie to you, gaslight you, and will very likely turn it upside down and you are going to end up apologizing for being a controlling freak.


I've read plenty here (quite depressing!) and I'm aware of what you're saying. But the assumption you're making is that I think it's a good idea to just go and accuse your wife/hubby of cheating. That is NOT what I'm advocating when I say talk/confront. 

You can ask probing questions without getting the OH on the defensive. You can confront them on issues you have without getting them on the defensive. Their response to these conversations could tell you a lot about what you need to know without doing something that I would find very hard to forgive if I was on the other end. 



> Trust is earned by behavior and past history. If you trust your partner just because you think you should even if the behavior gives you cause not to, then you are going to open yourself to pretty unpleasant situations.


Trust is earned, absolutely. It's also very fragile and easily broken. But it's still very important aspect to marriage and I don't think it should be abandoned unless you're also ready to abandon the marriage.


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Shaggy n.Costa thank you. Ansley.ive stated.here.bfore I dont have the money for a p.i. And im not looking for a lawyer now. Im going to find out whats going on. Why do u keep saying im not taking your advice? How do u know that? Ive said the best I can do is go up next week. Im going up next week. I just cant leave work when I want. Im employed. Im doing what I have to do. Thank u
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry doc. I wasnt picking at you. I just know what its like when somewhere inside you know something is going on. PI's are expensive. I meant call one, explain the situation and the geography. No one said you had to hire the fool. A conversation could give you some ideas on how you could check up on your own. I didnt mean hire a lawyer and have her served. The first hour is free. ITs just a conversation and might help you understand what you will be facing if it goes that way. As far as being employed I know exactly what you mean. I never suggested leaving work to go see her. Im the one that said when you go home she will be on her best behavior. Morris and the exboyfriend wont be stopping in and I bet she doesnt mention her new facebook friend.


----------



## docj

Ansley  lol we are like an old couple lol. How are you?
I think shes meeting Morris this week. Ill let you know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

She got a call from Morris job where she has applied. I think its an interview or something. So she called him to go put in a good word. 
Morris also sent me a fb request
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

Just in case you find nothing, just keylog her computer and gps her car when you leave


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> She got a call from Morris job where she has applied. I think its an interview or something. So she called him to go put in a good word.
> Morris also sent me a fb request
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



oh my a facebook request? Not sure how to process that. 

Did I read it wrong? Is she a school teacher? I thought I read your wife & Morris are teachers. School starts here today so her just getting called for an interview is strange. I would really press her for details. 

Sorry, I know this is killing you.


----------



## Ansley

the facebook request is weird especially after all this time. you do know that a lot of cheaters hide in plain sight ...right?


----------



## warlock07

docj said:


> Lol ill blame you Keko, Costa, Ansley amd Shaggy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Phew


----------



## docj

Warlock u too lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Ansley yes sub teachers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

We had a talk yesterday about the importance of communication. She understood. So shes working part time job n gets off at six am. I call her to say goodmorning n shes sooo sleepy at six thirty she can ha rdly talk. Meaning leave work at six, drive home n get home around 615 am And at 637 am toooo sleepy n in bed. So we talk twenty sec.
I call back at 630 pm. Twelfe hrs later. No ans wer.
Noe 9 pm no answer. Tell me....im I paranoid or wat
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Just play dumb until you go back, don't let her notice you're onto her.


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> We had a talk yesterday about the importance of communication. She understood. So shes working part time job n gets off at six am. I call her to say goodmorning n shes sooo sleepy at six thirty she can ha rdly talk. Meaning leave work at six, drive home n get home around 615 am And at 637 am toooo sleepy n in bed. So we talk twenty sec.
> I call back at 630 pm. Twelfe hrs later. No ans wer.
> Noe 9 pm no answer. *Tell me....im I paranoid or wat*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will go with what....Take keko's advice. Play it cool..play dumb whatever you want to call it. You will be home in a couple weeks and maybe some light will be shed. As I said in my very first post to you. you are not being paranoid. Something is going on. She works part time, doesnt have full custody of her kids, has an interview to be a "substitute teacher" none of that activity requires that much sleep. You told her communication is important. Obviously she doesnt think so. Right now you dont have a wife. You have a dependent. Please when you go back get on the same phone plan & make sure her phone is deactivated. Take it with you if you have to (say "ooops" if she mentions) You need to know who she is texting/calling all day. Nothing she says is going to make any sense (it hasnt thus far)

Did you accept Morris facebook request?


----------



## docj

Thank you dear Ansley n Keko. 
Yeah what beats me is this. Okay she worked.night shift.
Leaves work at 6 am. Ten to fifteen min drive home.
So lets say arrive home 615 am.

I call at 637 am and shes soooo sleepy and in bed we only talk for 20 sec.
so cause im getting off my night job too, I go home n sleep. 12 hr later I call at 6pm on my way to work n still no reply.
She calls at 950 pm on her way to work. She gets in at ten pm. So ive noticed six mossed calls now . Shes at work n so a I but i cant pick up phone tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Its a lack of regard for communication.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

Is the phone she is not answering a cell phone or land line?


----------



## docj

chapparal said:


> Is the phone she is not answering a cell phone or land line?


Cell phone. Why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Cell phone. Why?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because there is no excuse for that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Ansley said:


> Because there is no excuse for that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was on silent?

It was in my purse?

I was too busy with my boyfriend?


----------



## Chaparral

Ansley said:


> Because there is no excuse for that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this, she is surely checking her phone even if its on vibrate and she doesn't feel it go off. Just ask her why she goes so long and it feels to you that she has checked out of the marriage. How she responds will give you a lot of insight. You may not want to waste the money going home to see her.


----------



## warlock07

docj said:


> Thank you dear Ansley n Keko.
> Yeah what beats me is this. Okay she worked.night shift.
> Leaves work at 6 am. Ten to fifteen min drive home.
> So lets say arrive home 615 am.
> 
> I call at 637 am and shes soooo sleepy and in bed we only talk for 20 sec.
> so cause im getting off my night job too, I go home n sleep. 12 hr later I call at 6pm on my way to work n still no reply.
> She calls at 950 pm on her way to work. She gets in at ten pm. So ive noticed six mossed calls now . Shes at work n so a I but i cant pick up phone tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just for perspective, I used to be totally wasted on some of the days after a nightshift


----------



## costa200

docj... She is a teacher if i remember correctly?! You guys have classes all through the night like that?


----------



## docj

costa200 said:


> docj... She is a teacher if i remember correctly?! You guys have classes all through the night like that?


Sub teacher.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

There are no night classes ten pm to 6 am anywhere Costa.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

what the heck? I'm confused. So, what is her schedule normally? She is teaching at a normal school right? How can she be at work until 6am?


----------



## Entropy3000

costa200 said:


> what the heck? I'm confused. So, what is her schedule normally? She is teaching at a normal school right? How can she be at work until 6am?


I have been wondering about this all along. made no sense to me. I have taught night classes in my day. I don't understand her schedule at all.


----------



## docj

Entropy3000 said:


> I have been wondering about this all along. made no sense to me. I have taught night classes in my day. I don't understand her schedule at all.


Guys guys guys . Night shift job is at a hospital n its part time like the teaching sub job.
Nobody teaches at.night
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

docj said:


> Guys guys guys . Night shift job is at a hospital n its part time like the teaching sub job.
> Nobody teaches at.night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is her full time job? I think there are other issues besides her male friends
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

docj said:


> Guys guys guys . Night shift job is at a hospital n its part time like the teaching sub job.
> Nobody teaches at.night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


doc, doc doc. Nobody puts up with this.


----------



## costa200

docj said:


> Guys guys guys . Night shift job is at a hospital n its part time like the teaching sub job.
> Nobody teaches at.night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, what's the typical week schedule?


----------



## docj

Well ill be home in.three days.
She text me n.i called her back today as she was going fishing.an hour away with her girlfriend. Im.assuming he r girfriends boyfriendwas go ing to be there. He said she would be back around 9 pm n would call me. That was three hrs ago. Iv called and no answer as she didnt call. She also mentioned how her cell doesnt receove recepetion where shes going.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

I meant she said she would be home by 9
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

She also called me with her female neighbor, the elderly one whos like her aunt to her and me . They were in an adult shop buying some kinky stuff so when im home in two weeks she can su
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## docj

Prise me whenbi get home. That was a few hrs before she went fishing. She said
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

how did her interview go? what does she plan to do for full-time work?


----------



## docj

Ansley im on my way home now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ansley

Where is home? Drive or fly? Its a thousand miles so I'm trying to picture the geography
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## costa200

So docj... Are you home yet?


----------



## Shaggy

I hope its going well, but my gut tells me it isn't.


----------



## Chaparral

HB?


----------



## Jonesey

I hope im wrong here. But i honostly think we all are being played by this story.. I cant think off anyone with all this red flags going on.

That would not go insane, by now.

Sorry just my 0.02 cent


----------



## Ansley

how is the reunion going doc? i hope you at least get her a phone you can track while at home.


----------



## Ansley

Shaggy said:


> I hope its going well, but my gut tells me it isn't.


my gut tells me she will play good wife, he will ask her about what has been going on...she will tell him what he wants to hear.. and as soon as he is on the road life with go on as usual. until he gets a phone for her he can track or finds someone there to keep an eye out he will keep getting smoke screened.


----------



## Jonesey

Ansley said:


> my gut tells me she will play good wife, he will ask her about what has been going on...she will tell him what he wants to hear.. and as soon as he is on the road life with go on as usual. until he gets a phone for her he can track or finds someone there to keep an eye out he will keep getting smoke screened.


My gut tells my he wont5 coming back here.


----------



## Cosmos

> Originally Posted by Ansley View Post
> my gut tells me she will play good wife, he will ask her about what has been going on...she will tell him what he wants to hear.. and as soon as he is on the road life with go on as usual. until he gets a phone for her he can track or finds someone there to keep an eye out he will keep getting smoke screened.





Jonesey said:


> My gut tells my he wont5 coming back here.


But wouldn't it be nice to think that the only thing she was guilty of was being foolish enough to think that it was OK to be close friends with a male co-worker (which it isn't)?

I hope the OP has returned home to find just this, and he and his W have been able to set some healthy boundaries in their long distance marriage.


----------



## HusbandX

Not really sure what your point is Frankly. She's a part-time sub teacher who also works part-time at a hospital. He says 8-hour shifts, but didn't say how many days a week. If it's only a couple of days, that's not full-time. At the moment, School's are out so it's not unrealistic to think his wife is making up more hours at the hospital.

I can see why you think he's playing this community (he very well could be), but of all the issues going on here, I'm not really sure why you'd pick on that one.


----------



## HusbandX

Wasn't trying to imply you're picking on anyone, sorry if you thought I was. I just think the point you made is one of the least problematic of this whole situation that was all. I, personally, see nothing odd in his wife having 2 part-time jobs. 

As for him going silent. He's gone home, I'm assuming (and hoping) it's all going well as he hasn't had to come back and check in for advice.

I couldn't say one way or another whether he's playing us here, but stranger things have happened to people I know, so I have no reason to not believe. I'd hope if I were ever in a similar situation, people would be equally prepared to give me the benefit of the doubt.


----------



## Writer

His going quiet could be one of two things. 

He could indeed be trolling the people of this community. I'm sure that some have nothing better to do. 

or

He could have went home and found nothing wrong. She could have slipped the wool over his eyes, and he found himself believing her. If this is the case, I would expect him to be back in a few weeks complaining about this friend, again. He could stick his head in the sand and refuse to see the signs.


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## ladybird

The only man who is allowed in our home when hubby is not home is our best friend. (brother more or less) But he is flaming gay. He has been over to help me with the cleaning of my kitchen. He is OCD so it helped tons. 

The situation with your wife sounds a little off to me. I would never allow man in my house with out my husband being present, unless it was the guy above (it would just cause to much doubt for my h)

Maybe they really are just buddies?? Only your wife and him know..

I would say to do what other have suggested and go home a couple days early. 

My husband came home 2 days early once, when he was in the army on 2 week training. The only thing he caught me doing was playing a game with my cousins that came to town to visit to keep me company while he was gone.

Let me ask you this, what does your "gut" tell you. If is telling you that something is off, It is more then likely right.


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## Jonesey

Frankly said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> This is my 1st post.
> 
> I saw how Docj played you here (I'm not happy saying this, but at least, that's how I see it).
> 
> The good thing is that you have been so patient with him
> 
> I have been wondering since I read the post where he mentioned that his wife is a teacher who works 8 hours in a night shift (which means full-time job)-- something I've never heard of.
> 
> 
> Am I the only one seeing this?


I saw it nothinhg was ading uo herer. The cool he supposed showed. Yeah right.



And then...


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## Po12345

Writer said:


> His going quiet could be one of two things.
> 
> He could indeed be trolling the people of this community. I'm sure that some have nothing better to do.
> 
> or
> 
> He could have went home and found nothing wrong. She could have slipped the wool over his eyes, and he found himself believing her. If this is the case, I would expect him to be back in a few weeks complaining about this friend, again. He could stick his head in the sand and refuse to see the signs.


Or he could have found something wrong and is deep into dealing with the issue right now. I know for me there have been times in the last 18 months where, despite the help I get on this website, I wasn't able to do much of anything due to how down I felt about everything. 

I didn't read every response but I know for me I would wait close by for the phone call that he is at the house, then pick a time to come home and surprise her. It may have already been suggested, I don't know... one thing is for sure, like others here, I wouldn't allow this to go on.


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## Feelingdown

I would expect a troll to post constant updates on whats going on, not to suddenly go quiet when they get to the climax of the story.

That being said, reading part of this thread screamed troll to me. I find it incredibly hard to believe anyone would give out their number on facebook like that, trust me, I tried as a teenager


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## nirvana

I think we are being played. I said it many pages ago.


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## PBear

If you think the op is a troll, report the post and move on with your life. No need to harp on it in here. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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