# Need advice on My Situation



## BulletBoy26 (Feb 1, 2019)

Hello,

I like to get some advice. Me and my wife have been married for 3 years now, together a total of five. We have both been divorced before due to cheating spouses. 


My question is she literally wants word for word detail of the text/email I have with my ex when it comes to pick up and drop off, school etc of our daughter. I don't hide anything from my wife, I tell her the time and place or summarize what was communicated. Heck she has my phone password and can look at or use it whenever. Nothing to hide.

Today was another argument due to my ex buying a miter saw I had for sale from me. She said I excluded her from the communication and didn't let her know I was going to sell it to my ex. I explained my stand point that money is money and it gets me to my end goal of a better saw. 

So am I in the wrong? Do I need to include her more? I am OK when she tells me she is meeting her ex for pick and drop off without all the text details.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

BulletBoy26 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I like to get some advice. Me and my wife have been married for 3 years now, together a total of five. We have both been divorced before due to cheating spouses.
> 
> ...


Yes you are wrong. I guess this is your first time dealing with Ex's and new women? Cause sorry, you are being a little dense. 

Just include her in every text, and if you Ex has an issue with it, then tell her to get bent. You have to show your new Wife/GF, ALWAYS, that she is NUMBER one. 

And also, NEVER EVER DELETE A TEXT, ever...

Just for information, did you cheat on your ex wife with your new wife? Have you cheated on anyone ever and does new wife know about it?

If you have that may be why she is suspicious. 

Now, if you have not been a cheater, then you need to look deeper as to why she is suspicious of you. 

None of that changes any advice though. Married people should not have secrets of any kind. Some will argue that point, but lots of people feel like marriage had to be completely open and honest. Of course you would/do have her phone PW as well, right?


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

As someone who has been burned by both an ex gf and an ex wife, I would advise you to just be completely open and share everything, no matter how mundane. I know you probably dont feel it necessary, but if that tiny effort from you eases her mind, then why would you not? Over time when she sees that there is nothing there to be concerned with, she should eventually let up on this.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

BulletBoy26 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I like to get some advice. Me and my wife have been married for 3 years now, together a total of five. We have both been divorced before due to cheating spouses.
> 
> ...


You don't care if she knows every detail so just tell her every detail. Not hard to do. Heck copy her on the texts so it's a three way conversation. She was cheated on so she has insecurity and trust issues, just understand it accept it and don't go looking for an argument you don't need to have.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

BulletBoy26 said:


> Today was another argument due to my ex buying a miter saw I had for sale from me. She said I excluded her from the communication and didn't let her know I was going to sell it to my ex. I explained my stand point that money is money and it gets me to my end goal of a better saw.


Your contact with your cheating ex should be limited to matters of the children. It should be brief and to the point. No chit-chat conversation. This thing about the miter saw would have me wondering what's going on. I wonder if she has alternative motives for contacting you about it instead of going on craigslist or HomeDepot to get one. And I wonder if you might enjoy the continued contact with your ex. When she contacted you about the saw, your response should have been "Is the saw for our children? No? Don't contact me about anything other than our children."

I think your wife is justified in being worried because "wanting to buy your saw" is exactly something that a cheater would do to weasel her way back into your life. I also would expect things like "help her pick out a car" or "fix a broken thing in the house" as being similar ways to create more contact. I'm guessing your cheating ex is realizing the grass isn't really greener and is missing what she had with you. Don't fall for it. Cut her off about anything that isn't directly related to the kids.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

wilson said:


> Your contact with your cheating ex should be limited to matters of the children. It should be brief and to the point.
> I think your wife is justified in being worried because "wanting to buy your saw" is exactly something that a cheater would do to weasel her way back into your life.


Because of your background as a BS, it will require some more effort..... just let her know things, communicate, keep her "in the loop" when anything involving your ex comes around.


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

There are two ways to look at it. You should share more with your wife about someone you once loved and had sex with, or perhaps your wife is very insecure and should trust you more. You might want to seek professional help to determine what the real problem is. Perhaps meeting in the middle will help, but I certainly do to agree with any who think say it is one way or the other without knowing a lot more than we were told her in a one sided post. 

My wife and I do not question each other about our dealings with others. I trust her and she trusts me. I have no reason to trust women since my ex fiancé cheated on me and my only other lover than my wife, did the same. Not only that, but my ex fiancé married a woman and my ex girlfriend only wanted me to get her pregnant, which I did not do, since she had a girlfriend and wanted to raise the kid with her. So reason exists not to trust women. 

To make it even more interesting, my wife is bi and has a girlfriend for most of our 46 years of marriage. Despite me traveling away from home, mostly overseas, I never once asked my wife about her girlfriend when I got back home. We were that secure. Once a friend asked me how did I know that my wife was not having sex with men and women every day I was gone. I told him that even if she was, it has not made a single ripple in our love and marriage so why should I care. We only concern ourselves with real problems, not perceived or imagined ones. Not everyone is like us and I understand that people have varying degrees of trust. The important thing is to reach an agreement that is mutually acceptable to both spouses. We just happen to not need that.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

BulletBoy26 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I like to get some advice. Me and my wife have been married for 3 years now, together a total of five. We have both been divorced before due to cheating spouses.
> 
> ...


Your wife shouldn't be so worried about your ex but how often do you guys talk? If she is your ex and you have kids the communication should be about your daughter and that is all. No reason to socialize or exchange stuff. Plus if she cheated on you why would you want to do more then that After you do that see if your wife is less concerned.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, you weren't wrong. Your wife is paranoid and controlling. Of course, if you want to keep the peace, you'll comply with her wishes, even if they're irrational and unfounded. As the old saying goes, would you rather be right, or happy? (In _extreme_ cases, however, you _might_ be happier _without_ a paranoid, controlling wife!)


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And women who say in a fit of rage: "You are not the father of my child" never realise the damage they cause.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> *IMO, you weren't wrong. Your wife is paranoid and controlling.* Of course, if you want to keep the peace, you'll comply with her wishes, even if they're irrational and unfounded. As the old saying goes, would you rather be right, or happy? (In _extreme_ cases, however, you _might_ be happier _without_ a paranoid, controlling wife!)


I couldn't agree more with the *bolded* part above. However, the rest of the post about pandering to her paranoia? Yeah, not so much.

Apparently OP, just because she's a BS (just as YOU are) that somehow entitles her to make *you* pay for the sins of her cheating ex, with her paranoid demanding that you recite - verbatim - every single word in every single text you send to your ex. That is ridiculous and completely *uncalled *for. You're not on trial here.

Don't misunderstand here. I'm all about being open and not hiding things from each other. But that's not the issue here. The OP has made all his texts available to his wife - NOTHING has been hidden or done in secret.

The problem here is that she's talking to the OP and treating him like she's his mother and he's her misbehaved 14 year old kid who got caught sneaking out his window so now he has to report to mommy every time he texts his ex because apparently, he can't be trusted. What a load of bull****. It's demeaning and it's degrading and it's completely *unnecessary*. The OP hasn't hidden any of his texts, he hasn't deleted any of his texts, and he's given his wife the password to his phone so it's available to her 24 hours a day. If she's THAT damned paranoid and wants a word for word report of what was said, then she can walk her paranoid controlling ass right over to his phone and pick it up and read the texts herself. 

What the hell more does he have to *DO* for this woman - chew her damned food for her, too?


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

First time I’ve ever disagreed with SSGI. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

