# Could my husband cheat on me?



## Yoyo (Feb 21, 2010)

We've married for 3 years and have a lovely son. Today, I accidentally found a box of condom in his drawer at home, but the problem is we've never used condom in our sex life, and we've never had the habit to use it. 

Now when I look back, I found there are some evidence.
1. The condom
2. He always go out at night andf come back home late, sometimes at 2am
3. He always check chat messages in the morning 
4. He wasn't care of the money spent on me, but now he cares, very much. 
5. My sexuality wasn't fully back after deliverying the baby until now, I don't know why, i'm sure he is not satisfied.
6. I'm very busy as a newly promoted manager and maybe didn't care him enough.

I love my husband and trust him so much, I never checked his mobile or laptop or what. I couldn't believe that he could cheat on me. 

What should I do? Anyone has good idea? or Maybe I think too much?

Thank you.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Where does he go until 2am? 

Yes it is possible that he is cheating.

Check his mobile and or laptop.

I would also place a VAR in his car. Weightlifter has some excellent posts on VARs.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

How old are the condoms? There is an expiration date on the box. The box could have been there for several years. Are you sure you've NEVER used condoms? Maybe he bought them a while ago, then you tried to get pregnant and they've sat in his drawer since. Can't usually just buy one.

Check the date. You will know how recent they are. You can also periodically count them. If there are 5 condoms today, and next week there are only 4, then that's a problem.

The other things are concerning but could be harmless. Young guy going out with friends, chats. I'm up at 6:00 am with my 3 yo texting with my friend who also has a 2 yo. So moderate red flags yes but--- count the condoms.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Yoyo said:


> We've married for 3 years and have a lovely son. Today, I accidentally found a box of condom in his drawer at home, but the problem is we've never used condom in our sex life, and we've never had the habit to use it.
> 
> Now when I look back, I found there are some evidence.
> 1. The condom
> ...


brace yourself..........more than likely he is having an affair.

the first thing you do is stop blaming yourself. marital issues are no excuse for an affair. not saying you are perfect, that needs to be adressed later. just know that nothing excuses an affair.

so the first order of business is to start spying. don't think of it as snooping.....you are PROTECTING yourself and your marriage. get into his phone records, they tell alot. see who he is calling and texting frequently. does he guard his phone like is raw cach lying in the street? red flag.

then start observing his behaviors. always going out lat on the weekends, staying late at work (suposedly), going out with "guy" friends all the time? unexplained absenses? poor sex life? all huge red flags.

DONT LET HIM KNOW you suspect an affair as it will then most likely go "underground" and he will hide it deeper. just pay attention to all the detais.

also know that cheaters are accomplished liars. so he will probably get DEFENSIVE if you do question him on something. RED FLAG. also, they will project their bad behavior onto you, does he grill you where you have been, why were you out so late, etc? more red flags he's up to no good.

bottom line, figure out if there is an affair first. then come back here for excellent advise on how to handle it if you even want to.

sorry you are here. good luck.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

The biggest mistake I made was not believing my wife would cheat on me. All the signs were there, I just would not believe it. This DOES NOT mean he is cheating, but once you truely except the fact he could, then the signs you see will make sense. Don't come to a conclusion yet, but keep an open mind. If I had, it would have been very obvious, and I think most BS's here would say the same; the signs were there. Good luck, I hope we are all wrong.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

HarryDoyle said:


> *The biggest mistake I made was not believing my wife would cheat on me. All the signs were there, I just would not believe it.* This DOES NOT mean he is cheating, but once you truely except the fact he could, then the signs you see will make sense. Don't come to a conclusion yet, but keep an open mind. If I had, it would have been very obvious, and I think most BS's here would say the same; the signs were there. Good luck, I hope we are all wrong.


To this day... I still have a hard time believing that my wife had no problems with serially cheating on me for over 6 years. I had been married to her for 30 years when she was caught... just unbelievable that I did not know her after all that time. She fooled everyone. WTF!


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Yoyo said:


> We've married for 3 years and have a lovely son. Today, I accidentally found a box of condom in his drawer at home, but the problem is we've never used condom in our sex life, and we've never had the habit to use it.
> 
> Now when I look back, I found there are some evidence.
> 1. The condom


Leave the condoms in the drawer and count them.



> 2. He always go out at night andf come back home late, sometimes at 2am.


You say 'always'. That is totally unacceptable for a married man. Where does he go? Who is he with? 



> 3. He always check chat messages in the morning.


Has he always done that? Who are the messages from?



> 4. He wasn't care of the money spent on me, but now he cares, very much.


A change in behaviour like this is cause for concern.



> 5. My sexuality wasn't fully back after delivering the baby until now, I don't know why, i'm sure he is not satisfied.


This is completely normal - ask any mother. So do NOT feel bad about it. 



> 6. I'm very busy as a newly promoted manager and maybe didn't care him enough.


Life is always busy for a young working family. If he's out until 2:00am leaving you alone with your son, he's not caring for you very much either. 



> I love my husband and trust him so much, I never checked his mobile or laptop or what. I couldn't believe that he could cheat on me.


Yes, it is unbearable to think our partner might be cheating on us.



> What should I do? Anyone has good idea? or Maybe I think too much?


In my opinion you must snoop, check his laptop, mobile etc. 
Do NOT say anything to him about it. 
Cheaters never admit it and if he is cheating you will have to find out yourself.
*Remember he may not be cheating.* 
But you have to find out either way for your own peace of mind.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Me being me would just have to ask him about it. If i want to know anything i just ask as other why it niggles and niggles at me.

The condom bit is the bit that i am most worried about. My husband and I do not use condoms never really have only about 2 times, so if i was to find condoms in the drawer then yes, I think i would be worried.

Was any of the condoms used??.

Also the going out to till 2am, now this is a worry too, where he goes and what does he tell you he does??.

Not sure i understand your 4th point.... He cares about how much money you spend??.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

melw74 said:


> Me being me would just have to ask him about it. If i want to know anything i just asked as other why it niggles and niggles at me.
> 
> The condom bit is the bit that i am most worried about. My husband and I do not use condoms never really have only about 2 times, so if i was to find condoms in the drawer then yes, I think i would be worried.
> 
> ...


respectfully, she should not say a word to him at this point. Again, check the date on the condoms and count the condoms in the box. The expiration date usually give you about a year. That will determine when they were bought. Is the box open? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COUNT THEM. If even ONE disappears there is your answer. But DO NOT CONFRONT NOW.

As I asked in last nights post- have you EVER EVER used condoms? He could have bought them years ago: so you check the date.

And if it's a new unopened box it's possible he bought them after you had the baby as he didn't want to get you pregnant again so quickly.
New baby is difficult on everyone's sex life. 

Someone asked what you mean by "always" out until 2:00 am. No, a young husband going out with a wife and baby at home is disrespectful, but once a week vs every other night paints different pictures.

We need more facts. Bur again tracking the condoms is the easiest way to her answers.

EDIT: was just at the pharmacy. Expiration dates were 08-2018. So that's 4-5 years shelf life. again check the date on the box and count them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

It doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever to hide a box of condoms in a dresser draw unless I was looking to get caught. Leave the box on top of his dresser and make him explain them. There may be a perfectly good explanation for them. You do have some red flags there though besides the condoms. He stays out until 2 am? For what


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## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

If you do decide to snoop on his computer then MAKE SURE you take screenshots of anything incriminating you find and e-mail yourself those screenshots. You may need them later, and if you wait he may erase that evidence.

Also if you snoop on his phone and find anything incriminating, then take pictures of it! Then e-mail yourself the pictures.

This may be your one chance to get hard evidence. Don't let it pass you by.

I like IrfanView for screenshots. Better quality, takes the whole screen, and time and date stamps them. Plus all the other features. And it's free.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

These are all signs which are far from a smoking gun, even when put together.

Condoms might be for masturbating (control mess and enhance sensation maybe?). Also, many places give out condoms for free - some people take anything that's free or he may have just taken the hand out with visions of trying them out with you (or masturbating).

I agree with the others that there are some pretty strong signs of concern here but a lot of it depends on the details. 

Perhaps you could hold back on questioning the condoms but ask about his late returns home. I agree that you might not want to scare him and drive any affair further underground.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Don't tip him off you know about the condoms!!! That's ridiculous.

Do NOT bring the condoms up to him.

Do NOT leave the condoms on the top of the dresser.

If you tip him OFF you are watching him, he will double his efforts to HIDE what he's doing and you will have to work and STRESS 10x as hard to find out what is going on and how far along this is.

Do NOT tip him off.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

roostr said:


> It doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever to hide a box of condoms in a dresser draw unless I was looking to get caught. Leave the box on top of his dresser and make him explain them. There may be a perfectly good explanation for them. You do have some red flags there though besides the condoms. He stays out until 2 am? For what


I would love to hear that perfectly good explanation! lol

They are only designed for one thing... and she's already said he ain't sharing them with her.

The math don't lie, but cheaters do.


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## hospitality (Feb 24, 2014)

Do not leave the condoms out and question him. All you are going to do is get an answer from him. It might be true or false but you won't know the truth.

Snoop and find out the truth.

My wife knows I have condoms and that I mostly use them on myself. My wife also uses them on her toys for cleanliness too. However, your husband may not be the type to fill you in on how and when he pleasures himself. Red flag that might not be anything.

Also, regarding the counting. I recently went on a business trip and was looking for a bottle opener in my shaving bag to open a couple of beers in my room. Inside the shaving bag is a private zipped area. I opened it and there were three four year old condoms stuck together. They were there since the days my wife and I thought using them would be a good idea. We too have used only about two condoms in 15 years which is why they were still there unopened. 

I'm not a cheater and tossed them out. But after the fact I thought maybe I should have done that at home or when my wife was traveling with me. Regardless I didn't want to bring it up with her because really it was just my word as to where and what happened to them. 

All you have is your husband's word and he has a lot of potential red flags in conjunction with the condoms that makes investigating a priority.


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## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

I hate to be the weird guy to say so...but in my younger days I used condoms occasionally for self-pleasure. And well...new baby...no sex for like 2 months at least during recovery and it isn't like a new mom wants to give a BJ every other day. Check the box...if one disappears, proceed to checking his phone and computer activity but I agree DO NOT TIP HIM OFF. IT WILL MAKE HIM HIDE "REAL" EVIDENCE!!!

If it were me, I would lay them out and take a picture so you can count them again and not doubt yourself.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> I would love to hear that perfectly good explanation! lol
> 
> They are only designed for one thing... and she's already said he ain't sharing them with her.
> 
> The math don't lie, but cheaters do.


Well you wont hear any explanation unless you ask. He puts them in his dresser draw, I wouldn't exactly consider that hiding them so what's wrong with asking. If it were me and I was hiding them I wouldn't be stupid enough to leave them in my bedroom. 

So then what is the next move, wait until the box is used up then ask?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

ANY asking about the condoms would tip him off. I would lie low, count them. As I said the date on the box would indicate if it's a new box or from years ago. 

OP hasn't returned in a day or two since original post. At this point I doubt she is coming back, but I would ask her how often does she go in his nightstand? If she is in there all the time then she would know if it's a new box. But if it's the first time in years she has been in there then they could be old from some point in their relationship.

I would also ask her what she means by he is "always" out until 2:00 am. Is always every other night? Once a week on Fridays? With a mom and new baby at home he shouldn't be going out at all, but a young guy in his 20s (assuming age here) staying out late once a week isn't unreasonable.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

roostr said:


> Well you wont hear any explanation unless you ask. He puts them in his dresser draw, I wouldn't exactly consider that hiding them so what's wrong with asking. If it were me and I was hiding them I wouldn't be stupid enough to leave them in my bedroom.
> 
> So then what is the next move, wait until the box is used up then ask?


I already said what is wrong with asking.. you TIP him OFF.

Next Move? These would be a good start : 

1. Investigate cell phone and computer history/records
2. Keep a COUNT of the condoms - no you don't wait til the box is empty, you wait til ONE is missing
3. It would probably be a good idea to hold off on having SEX with him as well until some confirmation either way

You cannot ASK a wayward for the truth, you have to research that for yourself... asking just gets you a smoke screen.

If you ASK a wayward for the truth, all you get is them covering their butt. That's what's wrong with asking.

Asking TIPS them OFF.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

roostr said:


> Well you wont hear any explanation unless you ask.


Un no.. if you ASK you get a smokescreen.



roostr said:


> He puts them in his dresser draw, I wouldn't exactly consider that hiding them so what's wrong with asking.


For the umptheenth time, it TIPS him OFF.



roostr said:


> If it were me and I was hiding them I wouldn't be stupid enough to leave them in my bedroom.


Waywards are sloppy... It's all that dopamine running around in their head.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> Un no.. if you ASK you get a smokescreen.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Everyone is entitled to an opinion I guess


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

roostr said:


> Everyone is entitled to an opinion I guess


Yes, I apologize, you are right though.. this could be nothing.

The problem is that if it IS infidelity happening it's not worth it.

Ask anyone here, once you tip off your spouse that you are watching them they shut down on you and you will need a private investigator to figure out what they are up to.

IF they do that, you probably have your answer anyways... but...

I think getting some hard evidence without them knowing you are onto them is a better approach.

If it was just the condoms, ya I would be less James Bond about this thing, but there are other symptoms here, it's not just the condoms.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I just think we need more facts, and it's been 2 days since OP one post. I would like my questions answered to better advise her.

If it's an older box of condoms then sure ask, but when it comes to wayward best strategy is to lay low. Hard as heck to do but best strategy. Count the condoms for several weeks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Condoms have other uses. The Royal Marines use them as water carriers and also for keeping sand out of their rifles. Also as carriers for matches, flints and the like.

Sometimes all is not as it seems.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Condoms have other uses. The Royal Marines use them as water carriers and also for keeping sand out of their rifles. Also as carriers for matches, flints and the like.
> 
> Sometimes all is not as it seems.


Water balloons...

Royal Marine? Hubby sounds like a Royal Pain in the @$$. 

Who knows...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Water balloons...
> 
> Royal Marine? Hubby sounds like a Royal Pain in the @$$.
> 
> ...


I'm sure the USMC has similar uses for them!:smthumbup:


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Condoms have other uses. The Royal Marines use them as water carriers and also for keeping sand out of their rifles. Also as carriers for matches, flints and the like.
> 
> Sometimes all is not as it seems.


If he was using them to carry water or to keep sand out of his rifle I am pretty sure she would have noticed...

There are other uses, but there are also other indicators of wayward behavior...

Enough to warrant keeping one's head down and watching carefully... and staying away from him sexually.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Condoms have other uses. The Royal Marines use them as water carriers and also for keeping sand out of their rifles. Also as carriers for matches, flints and the like.
> 
> Sometimes all is not as it seems.


I just spat my coffee out...... :rofl: Could be this, but i am sure its not..


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

You OK Yoyo?


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

melw74 said:


> I just spat my coffee out...... :rofl: Could be this, but i am sure its not..


That's what I was thinking... 

Mmmm... ya, could be, but probably not.


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## Tasty (Mar 3, 2014)

There is nothing in your story to show he is cheating for sure. Probably...probably not.

Continue as if nothing happened but set bobby traps in his car, computer and phone...and wait. A cheating man performs 'best' when confidence is highest.

Would you do something else? If he is clean after all, confess your suspicions and reaffirm your trust in him. 

Finally, do something to make you okay for him. Seek help if need be. Do not put him under stress and temptation and wait for him to fall.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

I would say that it's hard to believe that a cheater would be stupid enough to leave them in his dresser, but after reading enough TAM threads, it's not surprising at all. Cheaters get lazy and stupid over time, and most seem to give themselves away.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> I would say that it's hard to believe that a cheater would be stupid enough to leave them in his dresser, but after reading enough TAM threads, it's not surprising at all. Cheaters get lazy and stupid over time, and most seem to give themselves away.


That's exactly what I was thinking.

I know it seems really stupid.. but cheaters are known for stupid.

Heck.. cheating is stupid!


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