# Is it ok to spy on your SO?



## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

One topic over the last week has got me interested and asking quetions...

When is ok to start Snooping on your SO?

how many of you have done it and be a) right there was something going on 
b) wrong there was noting going on..

If you did it and found out there was, what happened? 
If you did it and there was nothing going on, did you get found out and are you still together...

I have never snopped on my husband or spyied ie GPI, following or stuff like that...

I am curious to hear your stories...:scratchhead:


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## missgypsy (Mar 25, 2010)

I hadn't done this before either, one night right before my SO was going out of town, I got an ugly gut feeling about him being sneaky, picked up his phone and there it was... right in front of my face... I told him I checked his phone... after that we had an open realtionship free to check emails or phone... but then I discovered he was just erasing everything before I checked it... and since he thought I wasnt checking anymore because I trusted him... he slipped up and forgot to erase and it just so happened I got that ugly feeling again and I checked... Again never had a problem with any other relationship, I think if you are honest and open about anything there shouldn't be a need but apparantly a whole lot of fibbers out there...


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

missgypsy said:


> I think if you are honest and open about anything there shouldn't be a need but apparantly a whole lot of fibbers out there...


I see your point in the above quoet... sadly it is true... i think takin a quick look at the texts is s=not such a big deal its more the full on spying and following of another person that i dont find ok.. I have checked the odd text before more out of curiosity than anything to do with fears of unfaithfulness...


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

It depends on the reason for spying. If your SO has a history of untrustworthy behavior or you've had signs something isn't right then I think you should first discuss your concerns and then verify if you don't feel you have the full story.

If you are spying just because you can...its a control issue and you need to look at yourself and figure out why you have that issue.


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## Nicky* (Mar 13, 2010)

I have done it - and still do at times - but have yet to find anything.
I have all his passwords, he has none of mine. I felt a little guilty so I offered him my passwords but he didn't want them. I then asked him to change his but he didn't think that was necessary.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I would advise against it. It is extremely unhealthy for a relationship when one party, or both parties stop trusting and start checking.

I believe Ronald Reagan was right when he said "trust but verify". However, I believe that only extends to godless totalitarian regimes and not spouses.

I think if there are issues serious enough in your relationship to merit "checking" the best thing you can do to protect the union is to delicately approach your partner and express your concerns. 

I know this may seen a bit naive, but any other approach converts your SO into your adversary. When that happens, both of you loose regardless of whether your concerns are warranted or not. 

LIL


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I wish I had snooped. My wife went deep underground with her affair after "fessing up" to a one-time thing.

It turns out she was banging that guy for 8 years. 

Her secretiveness was very developed.

I would have had a chance to retrieve lost time, avoid HPV, and get on with my life if I had snooped.


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## marriednconfused (Apr 4, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marriednconfused (Apr 4, 2010)

I never used to check and used to constantly. When she did it I cared but not enough to make it an issue. I didn't make it easy for her even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. But after a separation not long ago we got back together. Since we got back together she has been distant and cold and very protective of her phone. I told her that the way I was being before was wrong and she should be able to look at wahtever she wanted so that she can feel comfortable. But that I should be able to do the same with her. She is completely against it and says that she wants her privacy. I asked her point blank if there was someone else, and she said she "cares" for an old school mate. She claims she is not talking to him any more but why the secrecy with her ph? I am wrong for being mad that she admitted to "care" about someone else? Or should I just let it go?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ka5367 (Nov 9, 2009)

I put a tracking device in the car and she found it - I wish I had never done it (or I wish I had hidden it better - LOL)

I have been checking email and text messages for a while now and havent found anything proof positive of anything like a physical affair going on other that conversations and banter I dont like. I find I tend to read too much into what I see and wish I wasnt snooping, but I cant seem to stop. My wife is in the middle of a mid-life crisis or something and has been exhibiting all the signs of a cheating spouse, but shes not cheating. (Maybe on the verge of an emotional affair, but thats it.) If I felt like she wasnt Mrs. "Me, Myself, and I" lately and felt like she loved me, maybe I could stop.

Advice for anyone is forget the keyloggers, tracking devices and general email and text snooping - talk it out and trust one another - and dont overreact to your initial gut feelings. I wish I had done it that way. They may be gut feelings (and we all know gut feelings are probably right) but you cant control what they do. 

You cant control what they do and snooping wont change that or even give you an upper hand. Give them a rope and let them hang themselves in public eventually if thats what they want to do and you will have a better chance that they dont hang themselves than if you snoop, etc.

Learn to relax and realize things may go wrong and you cant control any of this, no matter how much you dont like what is going on (or what you think might be going on.)

God, I wish someone would have been around to give me this same advice 12 months ago!

The lack of trust you have for a spouse now will only be compounded by the lack of trust they have for you once they find out youre tracking them or snooping on their email or phone, etc.


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