# I feel guilty...



## Eddie (Oct 8, 2011)

I feel guilty, I'm married but I'm having an affair. I love my wife, I'd die for her, but I feel like I got married too soon in my life. I spent most of my young life either studying for school or working my ass off at my job. I didn't date that much when I was younger, so I didn't have much of a sex life. Once I was finally able to secure my life with a good paying job I met a great girl. We dated three years and then got married. I wasn't too thrilled of getting married, it wasn't really my desire to do so, she was the one that was pushing me into it, but at the time it didn't seem like a bad idea. I loved her very much ( I still do), so I didn't put too much thought into whether it was a good idea or not. It's not until two years later that I realized that I got married too soon before I got to really enjoy life. Most people go through multiple partners and accumulate years of sexual experience and fulfillment before getting married. I did not. And just so that you fully understand my situation, it wasn't like I couldn't get into relationships when I was younger. I'm actually a tall and good looking guy, but I am slightly socially shy (and maybe a little nerdy too). But in my youth I was more concerned about studying and establishing my life than getting laid, even though it was definitely on my mind. 

My wife has had multiple boyfriends in her past. I've only had at most two before her, one was less than a year during high school and not filled with much sex, and the other was two months during college. I don't begrudge her for having more sexual partners than me, I just wish I could have felt more fulfillment in my sexual life as well. As a result, I have started seeing other women. I have been doing this for about six months now. I always use protection, I would never endanger my wife's life. I feel guilty for doing this, but before I was doing this I was unhappy. And its not like we don't have sex, we do, and its good. I just didn't feel like a “normal” human being who was supposed to go through many relationships before getting married.

What should I do? Should I get a divorce?

Am I a bad person? I'm aware of what I'm doing is immoral. I do love her.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Stop with the BS, about how you love her

She may love you, but if you are actively seeking/seeing other women, you sure as he*l do not love your wife

Your past histories, as to dating have nothing to do, with you cheating

Divorce her, don't hurt her with the truth---just tell her you want to be single, and get your D----she deserves a good, and happy life, and she doesn't deserve to have a nuclear winter reigned down upon her---so just get your D---then you can mess with a different girl every night

Unfortunately---what you may learn is, that of all the women out there, none of them will ever love you as your wife has, and you may just spend the rest of your life moving from one woman to the next, trying to find someone/anyone close to what your wife is

But don't hesitate to get D.---you certainly do not deserve a loving good wife---so go and be with the *****'s you desire, and enjoy your life.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

> I got married too soon before I got to really enjoy life.


 This is your problem. You should have gotten married IN ORDER TO enjoy your life MORE. Oh well. 

Divorce her, let her move on with her life with someone who is able to love her. And stop fooling yourself that you love her. You're deep into justifying your actions (too young, too inexperienced, made a mistake, I feel guilty already, etc) but they really aren't justifiable. 



> Am I a bad person?


 Since you asked, well I don't know you, but it sure sounds like it.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Eddie said:


> What should I do? Should I get a divorce?
> 
> Am I a bad person? I'm aware of what I'm doing is immoral. I do love her.


You are not a bad person but you sure as hell are doing something bad.

Betrayal is the worst thing you can do to your wife short of killing her. This is not an exaggeration.

How exactly are you showing love for you wife? 

It is immoral and just plain stupid. You will end up losing her, your love and the affair will almost certainly end and you will lose everything. 

Stop it now!


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Your actions go against your words. 

Your words:
"I love my wife. I'd die for her.!

Actions:
You are sleeping with other women. They could carry Hepatits C through saliva. Kissing them and then your wife could result in her death. It is an asymptomatic disease. 

If you really love your wife, stop this destructive behaviour immediately. Cherish what you have and make your lives fun and interesting. 

No-one deserves the pain of infidelity foisted upon them in such a cold and calculated way. 

Your guilt is deserved and I think you know you are a selfish person, without morals. If your wife learns about your infidelity only she can say you are a bad person. 

What you are doing is not just bad but downright treachery to your wife and ultimately to yourself, hence your feelings of guilt..


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Eddie said:


> ... I love my wife, I'd die for her,
> 
> ... I loved her very much ( I still do), ...
> 
> ...


If committing adultery is how you show love to your wife, you need to re-examine your moral standards you have learnt and established.

You say you would die for your wife, but I dont see how you would die for someone you are not loyal to? It's a puzzle to me.

Anyway, the situation you placed yourself in is a mess..


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wah wah wah.

I feel sorry for your wife.

You feel guilty but haven't stopped the affair. Nice.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As someone who has cheated on his wife, and someone who married his first serious girlfriend and sexual partner... What you're doing is not the acts of someone who loves their wife. It's the acts of someone who is putting their own selfish needs first. Decide what you want to do; either work on the marriage (confess and stop the affairs) or end the marriage. It's going to blow up sooner or later, and it's going to be that much worse when it does.

As far as not endangering your wife goes, herpes is spread through skin to skin contact. A number of STD's are transferable through oral sex as well. Talk to an STD clinic to get the real scoop.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

HPV is transferred easily too. There's no test for men for that.

This can cause cancer, warts, or other things depending on the strand.

Some "love" you got for your wife


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

immoral = bad. 'nuff said.

Divorce your wife. BTW, condoms only offer protection from some STD. As others have pointed out above. Some are transmitted via saliva, others thru skin-to-skin contact (like legs / thighs as an example) which could be Herpes.

You are probably never going to find another like your wife. I feel really bad for her. I feel even worse for you. Betrayal is not loving someone to the point of "dieing for them".


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

post and run?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

ing said:


> post and run?


Maybe he thought we'd be understanding and somewhat say what he's doing is ok. lollll.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Eddie;445867 [B said:


> Most people go through multiple partners and accumulate years of sexual experience and fulfillment before getting married. I did not.


No, not everyone does have multiple partners actually. 

Grow up and knock it off. Tell your wife what you've done and let her know what kind of marriage she is in. 

Hopefully you'll have a chance to salvage it.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Stop using your wife as a scapegoat for your problems. YOU got yourself married, so you only have yourself to blame. So you are complaining about the fact that you didn't get to try a few models before buying the one you've had for life. You sound like someone who shouldnt even be driving a car, sir, let alone being married. I think this is a troll but I couldn't resist a bit of a bite.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Im sorry to be so blunt but if you cheated on your wife you are a POS in my book.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pbears advice is spot on. Tell yor wife so that you can both get tested for STDs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

And for god sake, quit saying you love your wife... 

~sammy


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

1. Both men and women are genetically wired to play around in youth
2. Society teaches men that part of being a man is to have some level of success in getting women to sleep with them
3. For many reasons, many women deep down want a man who is sexually experienced and are naturally more attracted to such men
4. Both society in general and many women individually are somewhat uncomfortable with the female in a relationship having more sexual experience than the male. Rightly or wrongly, there is a sense that this is not the way it should be.
5. you probably have some level of resentment for your wife because she presumably had a healthy and vibrant sex life before you met.

So i think we should at least be understanding of your issues.

If you really do still love your wife, I suggest that you stop this and consider yourself lucky if you're able to stop it without it ruining your marriage. I don't know what kind of affairs you are having (just sex?, emotional relationships?, one night stands? ongoing sex, etc) but you are likely taking great risks as affairs have a way of continuing along until they are uncovered.

Why don't you discuss your feelings with your wife. Explore how her being sexually carefree in her younger days made her feel and be open about your own regrets. See if she'll share any of her wild memories and try to use this to spice things up and work through your own problems together.


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## fatimam (Jan 19, 2012)

I just read that thread and I must say you guys did a good job. Cos if I was having an affair I would be crying right now 

I think he needed it


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is an old thread


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OK, Eddie, here we go:

"I feel guilty, I'm married but I'm having an affair."
Guilt makes everything okay, more palatable. Nope. 

"I love my wife, I'd die for her, but I feel like I got married too soon in my life."
Oh, apparently dying would be easy. You'd give up your life for her. But not give up sex with another woman. Cause we all know, that's not dying, is it? How about if your affair partner has a boyfriend or husband and he goes nuts and blows your brains out? I guess that would justify that you were willing to die for her. Nope, sorry.

"I spent most of my young life either studying for school or working my ass off at my job. I didn't date that much when I was younger, so I didn't have much of a sex life. "
Hmmmm, so now you're owed, right? Because you made choices about other things when you were younger...

"Once I was finally able to secure my life with a good paying job I met a great girl. We dated three years and then got married. I wasn't too thrilled of getting married, it wasn't really my desire to do so, she was the one that was pushing me into it, but at the time it didn't seem like a bad idea. I loved her very much ( I still do), so I didn't put too much thought into whether it was a good idea or not. "

Doesn't seem like you're thinking now, either!
Of course, you thought to blame her for marriage being her idea. I guess all that effort into getting a well paying secure job and the engagement and all was just an afterthought, nothing you did on purpose. Let me guess, she manipulated you into it using SEX! (Just like your affair partner, right?)


"It's not until two years later that I realized that I got married too soon before I got to really enjoy life. "
So sorry you did things like getting a job and education and married and didn't have any trauma but because of not having the opportunity to have all that good sex everyone else had you did not enjoy yourself. (I enjoyed getting a good job and my education. I think most people actually do.) It's no surprise you don't enjoy your marriage, since you don't enjoy anything else. Maybe you just have a generalized enjoyment problem. 

"Most people go through multiple partners and accumulate years of sexual experience and fulfillment before getting married. I did not."
REALLY, MOST PEOPLE? And you know this....because.....?????

"And just so that you fully understand my situation, it wasn't like I couldn't get into relationships when I was younger. I'm actually a tall and good looking guy, but I am slightly socially shy (and maybe a little nerdy too). But in my youth I was more concerned about studying and establishing my life than getting laid, even though it was definitely on my mind."

I can see you were studying. Now you can talk a good talk and not look as much like the guy that nobody wanted to sleep with in high school or college (like a jerk). 

"My wife has had multiple boyfriends in her past. I've only had at most two before her, one was less than a year during high school and not filled with much sex, and the other was two months during college. I don't begrudge her for having more sexual partners than me, I just wish I could have felt more fulfillment in my sexual life as well."

MOM, CINDY TOOK MORE THAN HALF OF THE POP TART. IT'S NOT FAIR! I want her to throw it up so I can feel justified that it got divided fairly. I need to change the fact that she ate that pop tart and I did not. I don't care if it was yesterday, make her throw it up!!!!

"As a result, I have started seeing other women. "
OH YES, I can see from your impeccable studied logic from your brain that's been unsullied by sex for all these years, that the natural consequence is that you started seeing OTHER WOMEN. Plural, of course, because you have loads of time to catch up with. Did it ever occur to you, in all of your intelligence, to question your logic and your assumptions? Does not your secure job come with health insurance that has a mental health rider? Or did you just say to yourself, oh, it's impossible to have a good marriage with this woman because I believe that everybody else got loads of sex but I did not and I need to undo history even though I'm already married. I think I will do this without even discussing it with the woman that I married and that I say I LOVE and will DIE FOR. Good grief. Natural consequence, "as a result". You follow as well as Plato in his Book X of The Republic. 


"I have been doing this for about six months now. I always use protection, I would never endanger my wife's life."
Sorry, LAND USE LAWS of rights of access due to established pathways to get to common bodies of water and so forth don't apply to affairs. Nor does protecting the natural environment. 

" I feel guilty for doing this, but before I was doing this I was unhappy. And its not like we don't have sex, we do, and its good. I just didn't feel like a “normal” human being who was supposed to go through many relationships before getting married."

Oh, well, your happiness is so much more important than your wife. And since she must have married you for all that sexual prowess you told us about that you possess at the time of your marriage (oh wait, it was the opposite) surely if she gets sex your wife will be happy. That's all she wanted, and she's still getting it, so everything's fine. You can determine that your cheating has no bearing on her happiness. Not even in the future when she doesn't have a say in the time between cheating and discovery. Because you spent all that time studying, YOU WON'T BE CAUGHT. Dude, if you were that smart, you could have been out having loads of sex while keeping the grades up. Trust me on that one !!!!!

"What should I do? Should I get a divorce?"
You should stop what you're doing, get yourself some mental health counseling, get some std testing, tell your wife, arrange for your wife to get std testing, and then be prepared to do WHATEVER IT IS YOUR WIFE WANTS YOU TO DO. Including leave.

"Am I a bad person? I'm aware of what I'm doing is immoral. I do love her. "

No, not a bad person. See, your words and logic don't make what you're doing right. And after all my words and logic at refuting your words and logic, it does just boil down to me saying I think you're acting like a class-A pr*ck.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This is an old thread


Oh well, I like a nice word challenge every once in a while.
It's a good outlet for my anger 
And it makes me feel great to see how much progress I made in my therapy, refuting the usual 'logic'. 

It's so stupid, probably written by a troll?
But you know, after what my husband told me, this guy just seems so sweet and clueless and believable and innocent and lost!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Oh well, I like a nice word challenge every once in a while.
> It's a good outlet for my anger


 Then carry on


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

troll?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Eddie said:


> I feel guilty, I'm married but I'm having an affair. I love my wife, I'd die for her, but I feel like I got married too soon in my life. I spent most of my young life either studying for school or working my ass off at my job. I didn't date that much when I was younger, so I didn't have much of a sex life. Once I was finally able to secure my life with a good paying job I met a great girl. We dated three years and then got married. I wasn't too thrilled of getting married, it wasn't really my desire to do so, she was the one that was pushing me into it, but at the time it didn't seem like a bad idea. I loved her very much ( I still do), so I didn't put too much thought into whether it was a good idea or not. It's not until two years later that I realized that I got married too soon before I got to really enjoy life. Most people go through multiple partners and accumulate years of sexual experience and fulfillment before getting married. I did not. And just so that you fully understand my situation, it wasn't like I couldn't get into relationships when I was younger. I'm actually a tall and good looking guy, but I am slightly socially shy (and maybe a little nerdy too). But in my youth I was more concerned about studying and establishing my life than getting laid, even though it was definitely on my mind.


What is marriage, according to you?


Eddie said:


> *My wife has had multiple boyfriends in her past.* I've only had at most two before her, one was less than a year during high school and not filled with much sex, and the other was two months during college. I don't begrudge her for having more sexual partners than me, I just wish I could have felt more fulfillment in my sexual life as well. As a result, I have started seeing other women. I have been doing this for about six months now. I always use protection, I would never endanger my wife's life. I feel guilty for doing this, but before I was doing this I was unhappy. And its not like we don't have sex, we do, and its good. I just didn't feel like a “normal” human being who was supposed to go through many relationships before getting married.


Dont try to justify your immoral things by saying things about her past.



Eddie said:


> What should I do? Should I get a divorce?


First confess the whole mess to your wife. She should decide about this - not YOU.



Eddie said:


> Am I a bad person? I'm aware of what I'm doing is immoral. I do love her.


If you are aware that you are doing something immoral, are you not a bad person. How do you think or believe you love your wife?


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