# Why BS gets treated very badly by the WS during on-going Affair?



## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

I always wonder this question: Why BS gets treated very badly by the WS during on-going Affair? Do the WS thinks BS as road-block for their excitement or they want to justify what they're doing??


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I would have to say probably to justify their own actions or rewrite martial history


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

John2012 said:


> I always wonder this question: Why BS gets treated very badly by the WS during on-going Affair? Do the WS thinks BS as road-block for their excitement or they want to justify what they're doing??


It's probably a combination of both. WS definitely need to justify their actions - just so they can look at their narcissistic images in the mirror. By treating their BS badly, they get a reaction which allows them to think that they have good reason to cheat.

Eg: my stbxw always says that I did not trust her. Not true. I trusted her too much, until she broke that trust. THEN, I didn't trust her. But my lack of trust apparently drove her away. WS have this way of pretzel logic thinking which allows them to sleep at night....


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## Playing Catch-Up (Apr 8, 2013)

John2012 said:


> I always wonder this question: Why BS gets treated very badly by the WS during on-going Affair? Do the WS thinks BS as road-block for their excitement or they want to justify what they're doing??


I have no idea. My WW is capable of mental gymnastics that are so complex that I could never try to comprehend the reason behind them. She's gone as far as to justify what she does using all kinds of social darwinism-type explanations, religious ones, social ones, pop psychology and more. Any crazy thing she did to me can be justified by one or more theories, most of which boil down to "I'm a princess and I'll do what I want."

I've messed up pretty much every aspect of getting past what she did, but one thing I did right was to stop trying to understand any of what she did, because really it only had me even more confused and upset than I was before.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Easier to blame their behavior on the BS then own up to the fact that they're responsible for their own behavior I imagine. Treating the BS like **** and rewriting the marital history to make themselves into a victim helps.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

Playing Catch-Up said:


> I have no idea. My WW is capable of mental gymnastics that are so complex that I could never try to comprehend the reason behind them. She's gone as far as to justify what she does using all kinds of social darwinism-type explanations, religious ones, social ones, pop psychology and more. Any crazy thing she did to me can be justified by one or more theories, most of which boil down to "I'm a princess and I'll do what I want."
> 
> I've messed up pretty much every aspect of getting past what she did, but one thing I did right was to stop trying to understand any of what she did, because really it only had me even more confused and upset than I was before.


I'm also very tired of this mental gymnastics. I stopped dissecting her mails and talks. My WS doesn't think herself as princess but yeah "she will do what she want" type.

She told me that if I had laughed like OM, she would not have gone out of marriage !!! I was thinking what the fvck she is saying, I'm considered to be most humorous guy in our family circle, yet she thinks I'm serious type !!! Maybe my sense of humor is outdated !!!

They will look for any reason to justify their waywardness..


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## Playing Catch-Up (Apr 8, 2013)

John2012 said:


> I'm also very tired of this mental gymnastics. I stopped dissecting her mails and talks. My WS doesn't think herself as princess but yeah "she will do what she want" type.
> 
> She told me that if I had laughed like OM, she would not have gone out of marriage !!! I was thinking what the fvck she is saying, I'm considered to be most humorous guy in our family circle, yet she thinks I'm serious type !!! Maybe my sense of humor is outdated !!!
> 
> They will look for any reason to justify their waywardness..


Yes, it can be any justification. I pay too much attention to her. Not enough attention (said the same day). I work too hard, why not have a part time job as a delivery guy like her OM so I can go out drinking 5 nights a week like him? I'm too responsible, why not lose all our money doing drugs like her friend's husband, the hot one? It kills me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Not all do. My fws was actually quite sympathetic toward me, during her affair. Which, in a way, perhaps made me feel worse? Not sure, about that... :scratchhead:


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

Jasel said:


> Easier to blame their behavior on the BS then own up to the fact that they're responsible for their own behavior I imagine. Treating the BS like **** and rewriting the marital history to make themselves into a victim helps.


I have to agree with this completely. My W was hateful. Rewrote history all the time. It was to justify her actions in her mind.


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