# work etc wearing me out...can anyone relate?



## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I am so worn out, and it is affecting my relationship.

I work a full time, at times stressful job. I leave around 7 am and return home around 6pm, Monday through Friday. Lately, we have been very busy. I have also had to travel a little bit for business. I'm worn out, to say the least. 

At home, I do all the cleaning. I'm good at it, so it is no big deal. We cannot afford a housecleaning service, as we are trying to pay off debt. 

I don't usually cook. I'm so tired by the time I get home. We eat sandwiches or go out. 

My husband works the same; however, I make 2.5 times more. I cannot cut back on work, nor can he. My husband does the yardwork sometimes. I also do it sometimes.

I'm worn out lately, and it affects everything. I fall asleep on the couch or as soon as I lie down. I don't feel like going out. 

I'm also stressed as we are trying to pay off bills so my husband can finish school. We've also had problems with my husband's son, who was living with us. I feel I'm tired and stressed.

Anyone else feel like this? What do I do? I feel I'm not putting enough into the relationship because I'm tired and stressed..
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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Taking care of yourself is as important as doing the dishes. Move it up on your priority list.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

One thing that pops out at me is that you eat out too much.

I assume you have weekends off? if so, spend a day making a weeks worth of meals - feed your freezer. This will save you a lot of money! Google 'freezer meals' for ideas, then go shopping. Take your hubby grocery shopping and make it a fun evening! Also, why not leave the cleaning till the weekends? Besides the kitchen, what has to be cleaned every day?

Schedule a date night every week. One that no one is allowed to back out on. Our date night is Mondays. We usually spend it working on stuff out of a marriage building book. But every month or so we go out for dinner or go away for the weekend and just relax. We also have Friday nights reserved to do NOTHING except enjoy each others company. Your date night could be anything the two of you enjoy and want to do together - take a walk, play video games, go swimming, whatever.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I hear you. Leave at 7. Get home at 7 every day. Its a grind.

Sounds like you have (had) an extra load though. Is your husbands son gone now?

When is your husband home and able to cook or do you both get home about the same time?

and then the next big question.. when do you plan to take your next vacation? Everybody needs a real break.

I've always said it, February stinks.

Sometimes I do alot of cooking on the weekends so that can help during the week.. like making a big lasagna or a stew and fresh bread that you can break out on Tues & Wednesday or whatever. That helps. Cripes even a freaking meatloaf can seem like mana when its ready to warm up after a long day.

But im kindof a wierdo - I find cooking a little therapeutic, so it doesnt seem like such a chore. Not the same for everyone, I know.

It can help to try and plan your meals. Staring into the fridge trying to figure it out can seem daunting at 7:00pm at night... but if you have figured it out beforehand, sometimes it doesnt seem so bad when you know what you have and what you are making and have everything within short reach. Like I can stir-fry a tenderloin beef and broccoli and steam a pot of rice in (im not kidding) in 20 minutes. If you arent good with prep work - thats something you can do on sunday too maybe.

Nothing wrong with admitting you are just friggin wiped sometimes - but its also important to realize - like you are - that you cant operate at that level for long. You need to figure a way to recharge your batteries.


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## damiana879 (Aug 26, 2011)

Honestly, I have been in that situation too...and with problems at home with the husband to boot. There were times I would sit in my car at work in the parking lot and cry because I hated being at work, and I hated being at home. And it would be the same way with me, with 2 kids to feed and being the only one working, I would still have to come home, cook dinner, clean up the house, clothes, dishes, floors, dealing with the kids homework, making sure they take their baths, try to spend time with them before trying to relax myself, and when the hubby wanted some time, I was so tired and stressed, yeah, I would try to give it, but I wouldn't be all there...

Bottom line I had to learn is that sometimes people are like a pitcher of water....they pour the water out for other people, and they pour, and pour, and pour, until there's nothing left in the pitcher, and they haven't had a chance to take time for themselves to refill that pitcher, so they're dry and empty. You need to take time for yourself to refill the pitcher, otherwise you're going to work yourself into a hole and it's going to affect your relationship even more, especially when you don't feel like giving the attention, then get accused of giving it somewhere else....sorry, that's what happened to me...when I started telling him that I was tired and I started actually falling asleep when he was talking at me, things just got worse and I couldn't keep myself together. I finally learned I have to take time out for me, no matter what that entails, even getting a babysitter for the kids for awhile..and definitely make a date for you and your husband just to enjoy each other's company, it sounds like you both need it.  Good luck, hon, I hope everything works out.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Hope, I appreciate the suggestion of cooking on the weekend, but if I add anything more to my plate, I will go crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

It seems counterintuitive but starting an exercise program can actually relieve stress and give you more energy. You have to give yourself permission to do it, though. That means you have to give it a higher priority than some other things. I like to hit the gym after work and eat later. You'd think it would be hard to do after a long stressful day but it isn't. It's therapeutic and energizing. Some people prefer the morning. Four times a week minimum. What's the worst that can happen? Your carpets go a little longer between vacuuming and your floors a little longer between scrubbing? Not the end of the world!


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## likeaboss (Feb 21, 2013)

You need to make your "you" time a priority. 

We have 2 kids, mortgage, etc and I still manage to find time to blow off some steam in the gym each week.

It's what I need to keep going. It actually energizes me...


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## likeaboss (Feb 21, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> One thing that pops out at me is that you eat out too much.


Thought crossed my mind as well.


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## likeaboss (Feb 21, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> It seems counterintuitive but starting an exercise program can actually relieve stress and give you more energy. You have to give yourself permission to do it, though. That means you have to give it a higher priority than some other things. I like to hit the gym after work and eat later. You'd think it would be hard to do after a long stressful day but it isn't. It's therapeutic and energizing. Some people prefer the morning. Four times a week minimum. What's the worst that can happen? Your carpets go a little longer between vacuuming and your floors a little longer between scrubbing? Not the end of the world!


I just saw this now. Agreed!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

tennisstar said:


> Hope, I appreciate the suggestion of cooking on the weekend, but if I add anything more to my plate, I will go crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough. What about my other suggestions?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> It seems counterintuitive but starting an exercise program can actually relieve stress and give you more energy. You have to give yourself permission to do it, though. That means you have to give it a higher priority than some other things. I like to hit the gym after work and eat later. You'd think it would be hard to do after a long stressful day but it isn't. It's therapeutic and energizing. Some people prefer the morning. Four times a week minimum. What's the worst that can happen? Your carpets go a little longer between vacuuming and your floors a little longer between scrubbing? Not the end of the world!


This is SO true. We actually started doing most of our weekday cooking on the weekends just so we could hit the home gym together as soon as we get home every day.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I play tennis, and that's a good stress reliever. I play a few nights a week and on weekends. Due to winter and rain, I've played less lately. That is part of my stress problem, I'm sure.

The date night is a good thing and we do try. My husband works shift work, though, which means he works evenings and weekends a lot. So we often work opposite of each other. He's going to school, though, so hopefully he will works weekdays when he finishes in a couple years.

His son is a teenager. He moved out because he refused to follow our rules. Lots of problems. 

My son is grown. 

We lost one person at work, so I'm having to pick up extra workload as well. That makes it harder, too.

Thanks for the feedback.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

damiana879 said:


> Bottom line I had to learn is that sometimes people are like a pitcher of water....they pour the water out for other people, and they pour, and pour, and pour, until there's nothing left in the pitcher, and they haven't had a chance to take time for themselves to refill that pitcher, so they're dry and empty. You need to take time for yourself to refill the pitcher, otherwise you're going to work yourself into a hole and it's going to affect your relationship even more, especially when you don't feel like giving the attention, then get accused of giving it somewhere else....sorry, that's what happened to me...when I started telling him that I was tired and I started actually falling asleep when he was talking at me, things just got worse and I couldn't keep myself together. I finally learned I have to take time out for me, no matter what that entails, even getting a babysitter for the kids for awhile..and definitely make a date for you and your husband just to enjoy each other's company, it sounds like you both need it.  Good luck, hon, I hope everything works out.


The pitcher analogy is a good one. The thing to remember is that no one else really knows how empty the pitcher is. Don't expect your husband to sense your level of distress and fill you up. It doesn't work that way. He will be thinking that if you ARE doing the work it is because you CAN do the work. You have to back off and admit that it's too much and try to come to a good balance of chores that allows you time to relax and re-energize. Your biggest enemy is the attitude that things will fall apart if you back off. They won't.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I do believe in exercise, as many of you suggested. I love tennis, and I do play quite a bit.
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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> The pitcher analogy is a good one. The thing to remember is that no one else really knows how empty the pitcher is. Don't expect your husband to sense your level of distress and fill you up. It doesn't work that way. He will be thinking that if you ARE doing the work it is because you CAN do the work. You have to back off and admit that it's too much and try to come to a good balance of chores that allows you time to relax and re-energize. Your biggest enemy is the attitude that things will fall apart if you back off. They won't.


Well, I have to work. I am very efficient at cleaning, so that's not a problem. I think it is work that's wearing me out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Also, someone asked about a vacation. We would love to take a vacation this year, but finances will not permit with my husband in college.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## likeaboss (Feb 21, 2013)

How much tennis are you currently playing? Would you be able to spend a bit more time playing?


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

tennisstar said:


> Well, I have to work. I am very efficient at cleaning, so that's not a problem. I think it is work that's wearing me out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, that's tougher to solve. I'd say that more people work because they have to than because they want to. That is, they don't like their jobs but they can't just quit. I still think that cleaning the house does nothing to recharge your batteries. It isn't fun. I guess it could be fun but that would be pretty unusual. And I suggest adding a different activity instead of playing more tennis. If it's a sport you get a cross-training benefit. If it's an activity it gives you a mental break. I like working on Habitat For Humanity houses when I get a chance. Working at the local food bank is also a good thing.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Honestly, I feel the same as you but I feel like I hit my rock bottom last fall when I had a total nervous breakdown, and have vowed not to let myself get that mired down in stress ever again.

A few things I am doing:

- Learn to say no, and mean it. This applies mostly for my working situation, I realize I have a tendency to over extend myself and cram in too much at once which leaves me stretched thin. I can't say no to projects, but I am a manager with about 20 employees, all of whom I dearly want to spend quality time with to mentor and train, but I can't be there to guide them through every situation. I have been a bit tougher since the new year and forced them to fend for themselves and learned how to delegate more efficiently. Without allowing myself to feel guilt over it. It also means having a thick skin when you make an unpopular decision - its expected that most people wont be happy when you suddenly start saying no.

- I went to see someone about my mental health, and didn't allow myself to feel embarrassment or shame over itanymore (which was a big stumbling block for me). I got on Meds and I am seeing the doctor regularly now. I made my health a bigger priority. The SSRI does have side effects but overall my life is 75% better than it was. It also got rid of that constant beat down exhausted feeling which has left me with a clearer mind and the ability to handle my stress better. It has also improved my marriage, even tho it does affect my libido, because I am able to interact better with my husband and be a more positive presence in the house. Meds aren't for everyone, but you might consider a counselor or even something more holistic like yoga or meditation.

- I changed my diet. I do cook 99% of our food when at home, but I was a stress eater so even though I cooked dinner every night, I would eat fast food for lunch, grab candy after a stressful meeting, be snacking in the car to and from work without thinking about it. I stopped eating fast food and switched to whole foods and less processed foods and after 3-4 weeks my energy levels noticeably improved. To be honest though, for me the diet change came last. I don't think I could have dropped the stress eating without the Meds working first. I didn't have it in me to make one more sacrifice, and eating was one of the few joys I had in an otherwise overwhelming day. Once my mental state improved and I felt more balanced overall, the diet came naturally and without much struggle, it didn't feel like such a sacrifice.
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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Working and taking care of a family and yet not completely neglecting yourself is a difficult thing to achieve. And, yes, it does wear you out. 

I did that for many years and, looking back, can't imagine how I managed. I worked full-time. I would pick up my child, come home, walk straight into the kitchen and begin cooking so that dinner was ready when my husband came home. Friday night was "dinner out" night and my favorite night of the week.

Keeping up with the endless list of things to be done was difficult and the husbands of my generation rarely helped. That was "women's work" --- never mind that many of us worked a full-time job.

The answer is simplify what you can. Deal with what you can't. Time passes.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I love tennis, and I play about 3-4 days a week. I used to play more, but I'm busier now. 

I have been trying to say no at work. I've explained to my boss that I'm exhausted. She understands, but she just feels we have to keep.working hard. 

I don't spend every night cleaning. But I do like a clean house, though, so I do need to clean, do laundry, etc every week. 

I think I would feel so much better if we could get our remodeling project paid for (this is our big debt) and get back to not doing 1.5 jobs at work. But I know work and my boss could hardly care less about my state of mind.
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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Sorry, I keep coming back to the fact you eat out so much. Usually eating out = fast food, am I right? If that's the main thing you eat, your health WILL suffer (have you seen the movie Supersize Me?) Not to mention that your pocketbook takes a hit, and you keep saying you're short of money.

You really need to think about that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Sorry, I keep coming back to the fact you eat out so much. Usually eating out = fast food, am I right? If that's the main thing you eat, your health WILL suffer (have you seen the movie Supersize Me?) Not to mention that your pocketbook takes a hit, and you keep saying you're short of money.
> 
> You really need to think about that.


I agree with you. My generation of working mothers didn't eat out often. My child's generation of working mothers does and it can be a significant amount of money. I have always loathed cooking and yet, when I worked, I cooked 6 of 7 days. Full meals. Yes, it was difficult and, yes, I wished I didn't need to but I did it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

One thing i learned when I had brain damage (from which I've since recovered) is how much stuff in life you can not do, how simple you can make things, how much stuff you can not even think about and still have nothing bad happen. Simply amazing. And how much time you have to just 'be' when you stop all the over-doing.

Cooking is easy. Open a bag of organic nacho chips and a bag of low-fat cheese and put them on a paper/cardboard plate in the microwave. Open and slice an avocado and open a jar of organic salsa. Black bean and corn or whatever you like. Dinner. Or steam some rice and open a can of good Indian food (or the kind that comes in foil packets.) Heat up an organic pizza and open one of those boxes of mixed organic salad greens. Buy frozen Chinese dumplings and boil them in a pot of water. Butternut ravioli and some steamed yellow squash and steamed broccoli. What is the issue with cooking? Buy a roasted chicken at the grocery store and one of those packets of mashed potatoes you can just add water. Save your effort for making things like baking soda biscuits which only take 10 minutes to make and just as many to bake. Short on veggies? Make smoothies. 

Cleaning is something that really only needs to be done every other week. Nobody is going to die. Sure, go ahead and clean the toilet if that's an issue, and use white vinegar spray to clean the sink. 

Laundry piled up? Take it all to the laundromat with a couple rolls of quarters and get it done all at once. Bring a book or bring your paperwork such as checkbook balancing, etc. and get that done while you're there.

Women want job equality on par with men. But first, and I hate to say this, a lot of women need to think like a man at home. First and foremost, how to do the minimum without impacting any comfort or health. So one can have time to indulge hobbies or past-times and be 'selfish' about getting to the gym and seeing friends and having time for your SO/husband/lover whatever the person in your life is. A lot of women are really over-responsible. Women are having heart attacks now increasingly and this is because of stress. Lack of sleep causes many problems, as does over-worrying about this and that little odds and ends.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Hope and Open-minded, no, we don't eat a lot of fast food. We mostly eat sandwiches at home and salads, etc out. Could we save money by eating at home always? Yes...would I feel less tired? No, I hate cooking. I would go nuts. My husband isn't even home to eat most evenings. He's at work. And then, when would I get to play tennis. Well, never. Then I would have even more stress. We have tried cooking. I was so stressed after trying...and I was running late to tennis all the time. I can't do it all. 

Homemaker, a clean home is important to me. I don't do well with a dirty home. So that doesn't work for me. 

I feel like I'm being attacked now. I'm a bad person for fixing sandwiches and salads. I'm a bad person for walking o a restaurant near my home that fixes sandwiches, salads and such. I appreciate the advice, but I don't want to make this around me needing to cook more and clean less. If I were a man, no one would say this to me.
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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

And just to clarify, we make a decent living 130k). We just have a large remodel to pay for. We aren't poor or behind on bills.
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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

This is why I live in a one-bedroom apartment. I used to have work, a kid, a home, a commute. Even though it was research work and I had a lot of flexibility, I didn't like that life. Now I telecommute for the most part and have fewer expenses and household responsibilities, and two kids and I like that responsibility. Some days it's boring as sh*t but I found out in the past I probably had an adrenaline addiction. So am committed to staying away from that drug. I could easily induce stress in my life by going back to the other way of doing things and get my adrenaline fix, and all the other neurotransmitters that come with it, a real roller coaster. Trust me, some people can get addicted to adrenaline, and to create it, they create stress. But that's me, for you...well, who knows.

It's too late to undo that remodel. It might have been a good idea at the time, but as I tell my friend who is under on his house he bought, now it is a coffin for the zombie and taking care of it is taking a toll on his house. I hate houses and I always have, because of what it does to people. The only option you might have is if you have any retirement savings and you are really desperate, take them out and pay it off. But then how would things REALLY change for you, if at all, job-wise and finance-wise by paying off the remodel. What if the money fell from heaven? Could you REALLY quit your job? Could your husband? 

If you like your house and you like the remodel, and you like the house to be clean, consider that you meeting your priorities in life that you defined for yourself to have a good life, the one of your dreams. Paying for the remodel by working and keeping the job you have is part of the overall plan to get what you want. There are no issues, including job security. Unlike others, you don't seem to need to worry about being let go.

You don't need to cook so don't.

I forget what the original problem was. It included something about husband going to school? It sounds like he will have to wait. That's life. Not everything can happen at once. 

I used to joke to my eldest son about this...we called it the time-space continuum denial syndrome. The bottom line is in one day you do what you gotta do and if there's some stuff left over, it just doesn't get done. Nobody can pull an hour out of their butts. People try to cut back on sleep but that only goes so far and in some cases (car accidents, health issues, going nuts from lack of sleep) it will cause the whole situation to snap, and reset. We call this abort-control-delete syndrome. We like to have names for this stuff around our house, because they're such common phenomenons that it saves a lot of discussion.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Have you been to the doctor for a full workup?

You might have low iron or vitamin d and don't know it.

At work, I don't know what you do but is it possible to do some of it from home?

Are you taking a proper lunch break away from your desk at work?

Are there taks/processes that can be eliminated or streamlined?

How much longer do you have to do this?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

tennisstar said:


> Hope and Open-minded, no, we don't eat a lot of fast food. We mostly eat sandwiches at home and salads, etc out. Could we save money by eating at home always? Yes...would I feel less tired? No, I hate cooking. I would go nuts. My husband isn't even home to eat most evenings. He's at work. And then, when would I get to play tennis. Well, never. Then I would have even more stress. We have tried cooking. I was so stressed after trying...and I was running late to tennis all the time. I can't do it all.
> 
> Homemaker, a clean home is important to me. I don't do well with a dirty home. So that doesn't work for me.
> 
> ...


If you want someone to agree with you that it's exhausting to be a mom and a wife and a working woman, I agree that it is. Absolutely. I lived it for a very long time and I remember it well. But if you want solutions, then that's what we are trying to offer to help you. 

The point is that you are not a man. Fair or not, there is a heavier burden, and higher expectations, placed on working moms than working dads. It is *not *easy but it *is *life. 

I repeat my advise: Simplify what you can and deal with what you cannot. Time passes and things change.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Tigger said:


> Have you been to the doctor for a full workup?
> 
> You might have low iron or vitamin d and don't know it.
> 
> ...



I try to take lunch breaks. Some days I can. Others are too hectic and I have meetings most of the day. I also have tried working out at lunch, but I don't usually have time to get changed and be at a meeting right after lunch.

It will probably be hectic at work for some time. It toon us 8 months to hire last time we lost someone. Hiring moves slowly here and finding the right candidate is hard. The expectation is to work, work, work.

Open, I know you were trying to give advice. What I'm saying is telling me I'm not doing enough is adding to my workload. I have no children at home now, so I'm looking for things to get easier, not more difficult. Saying I need to cook and that's just how it is as a woman, well, that isn't helping me get rid of stress.
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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

tennisstar said:


> I am so worn out, and it is affecting my relationship.
> 
> I work a full time, at times stressful job. I leave around 7 am and return home around 6pm, Monday through Friday. Lately, we have been very busy. I have also had to travel a little bit for business. I'm worn out, to say the least.
> 
> ...


Stress will kill you faster than anything else.

At your combined salaries, you CAN afford to hire a house cleaner at least once every 2 weeks who can also do some light cleaning.

My husband & I both worked full time with long commute times and 2 children. I also like a clean home & finally hired a cleaner twice a month. It made a HUGE difference. I also used my lunch hour at work to do errands. I was still VERY stressed out but a little better.

There are little things you can do to simplify your life that will remove some of your stress.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Emerald, we have a decent income; however, we have a remodel to pay for. I cannot pay for a housecleaning service and the remodel. 

I have tried refinancing my home, our rental home (stuck with old home because cannot sell it), taking money out of 401k, etc. Nothing is working. We cannot refinance either home because prices aren't riding. Nor can we sell either home. We do rent the other home, though, which pays the mortgage on it. I cannot withdraw from my 401k without a medical hardship. 

So, for the next year, we have to pay $1000 a.month for a remodel.

And cleaning isn't my issue. I actually enjoy cleaning and am efficient at it. 

I guess it comes down to work and our finances stressing me out. I cannot change jobs unless I make the same or more. Easier said than done.
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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I certainly don't think you need to cook just because you're a woman. My husband and I cook together. You mentioned you don't feel connected to him, well, that's something you could do together. Spending the time on weekends to prepare for the week would mean you weren't spending that money and you weren't taking the time to go out to eat. On weekdays it would take you all of 30 seconds to set up your crockpot in the morning, and supper would be ready to eat when you got home. I'm not seeing where that is adding more work ???

I get that you don't enjoy cooking, I was just pointing out what seems like an obvious solution to me.

And I mentioned cleaning less, not more. You've set your bar high on having a clean house, yet you say you're exhausted. It stands to reason that if you lower the bar there, you'd have less to do, no? 

I'm trying to find solutions for you here, not attack you.

What kind of solutions are you looking for, then?


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Can you put the remodel on hold? It really doesn't sound like it is a good time for that. Can I ask why you are remodeling?

I don't think anyone has a magic answer other than give up something. 

Can you streamline your tasks at work? Eliminate some meetings and tasks?


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

The remodel is done. We bought a house with the intent of remodeling. It is done but not paid for. Our budget was much less, but of course, things cost more than we thought. We love the home, though. 

I have tried streamlining at work, but we are down one person. Also another team member is having trouble with her job, so I am having to pick up parts of her job as well. Our company is in transition and we have to do more. Some says, I can barely think straight. This is the first day in a while where I feel less stressed. 

Also, Hope, my husband and I have tried cooking together, but he works on night's and weekends (only one weekend off per month). That's why he's in school. He wants a better job so he can work weekdays like me. His schedule is very tough on me. I usually eat alone and spend half or more of my evenings alone.
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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

tennisstar said:


> I try to take lunch breaks. Some days I can. Others are too hectic and I have meetings most of the day. I also have tried working out at lunch, but I don't usually have time to get changed and be at a meeting right after lunch.
> 
> It will probably be hectic at work for some time. It toon us 8 months to hire last time we lost someone. Hiring moves slowly here and finding the right candidate is hard. The expectation is to work, work, work.
> 
> ...


Not having children at home helps. If you have a 50/50 partnership with your husband and are playing as much tennis as you can, then I'm not sure what strangers on a message board can offer you. Stress-reducing exercises? I have no experience with them but perhaps others do.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If there is nothing anyone can suggest for you then you're stuck with the situation. The easiest way to save time and energy at this point is to put your nose to the grindstone, to quit looking for solutions (it's clearly a dead end here) and understand that you are clearly boxed in, and like the rest of us will wake up, live, and go to sleep again, in that order, day after day until you die, maybe sooner, maybe later, and that your life will consist of the things that you chose to make your priority, decisions that you made, and what happened subsequently. Save your internet time for the things you do need to do that are troubling you because you don't have enough time to do them. In a few years the remodel will be paid for and you can focus on the next priority. During this time you will be living, eating, breathing. The only thing that you can change is your attitude about it.

Maybe study the principles of Buddhism, which focuses on this...how physical life is neither good or bad but how you experience it, suffering included, it is a choice. You can get audio and listen to it on your commute, or while you are cleaning.

Probably the reason you like tennis is because it's a bit like a form of meditation...like active yoga and engages another person who is doing the same thing. There is a sort of religious quality to the preparation for a game, the rules of the game, its structure, the sounds it makes, the responses you engage in without thinking...such a release. Don't give it up if it's your thing. Maybe you should do more of it and let the other priorities slip...just a little...but stop at the point where the house cleaning does interfere with your game...see if you can push the limits of other things into your game time...then gradually, when you are playing 4 or 5 times a week, you can give up one time, and that's the empty space you were looking for in the first place...it's just a different process of finding it, that's focused into something you do want to find more time for...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I feel like I'm being attacked now. I'm a bad person for fixing sandwiches and salads. I'm a bad person for walking o a restaurant near my home that fixes sandwiches, salads and such. I appreciate the advice, but I don't want to make this around me needing to cook more and clean less. If I were a man, no one would say this to me.


Maybe not.Times are a changing!  I'm thinking (my angle) is you mentioned in your OP as maybe a complaint.(having to eat out) as well as most out to eat food is not as healthy for you as home cooked (and its more expensive)I think the intention of the advice was along the lines of eating healthier might help with your energy levels.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I try to take lunch breaks. Some days I can. Others are too hectic and I have meetings most of the day. I also have tried working out at lunch, but I don't usually have time to get changed and be at a meeting right after lunch.


Learn to "nibble" on not so exciting foods like raw almonds /walnuts and dried cherries during the day.Its possible you are running (including excersizing) while in "starvation mode"..Then you eat a "big meal" and your sugar spikes/and insulin) then falls drastically..Its called hypoglycemia.Which will wear the hell out of anyone.

You need to eat like a 'bird"..as busy as you are and everyone should.

Avoid sugar including fake sugar.Only drink water.Yes you are stressed but eating enough and the right foods will have a huge impact.You especially need that with your stressful schedule.((((HUGS))))))


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

tennisstar said:


> The remodel is done. We bought a house with the intent of remodeling. It is done but not paid for. Our budget was much less, but of course, things cost more than we thought. We love the home, though.
> 
> I have tried streamlining at work, but we are down one person. Also another team member is having trouble with her job, so I am having to pick up parts of her job as well. Our company is in transition and we have to do more. Some says, I can barely think straight. This is the first day in a while where I feel less stressed.
> 
> ...


What would happen if you pushed back on some of the tasks at work?

Are you the type who never says no so they just keep piling it on?


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Trigger, I've pushed back at work. I'm good at saying no. But employers are doing more with less. That's how things are. And my bonus is at stake. And until we hire someone else, the work gets split between the rest of us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Thanks all for your suggestions. I certainly wasn't trying to be defensive and I have made choices that have led to some of my stress. I appreciate you all weighing in and giving advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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