# Crushes Even though I’m married.



## alexalives4him35 (Apr 27, 2018)

Have you ever had crushes on other people in your life beside hubby? Who? Did it ever lead to “thoughts” 

Is it normal to have “girl crushes” as a woman and have you? Who? Did it lead to thoughts?

I’m asking cause I’m experiencing it a lot and in 10 years of marriage it’s a first. But since I asked I’ll answer. 

Neighbor. The are new neighbors and yes thoughts. 

My girl crush... Carrie Underwood. Ugh. Yes thoughts.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

*Re: Crushes Even though I’m married.*



alexalives4him35 said:


> Have you ever had crushes on other people in your life beside hubby? Who? Did it ever lead to “thoughts”
> 
> Is it normal to have “girl crushes” as a woman and have you? Who? Did it lead to thoughts?
> 
> ...


Yes it's totally normal. First of all it doesn't matter if it's guys or girls you made a commitment to your spouse. It's like anything else for instance when you go to the store you may see something that you desperately want, but you don't take it because that would be steeling, this is really exactly the same thing. In life we make choices we have priorities, if you want a successful life you keep your commitments, you honor your word. You protect the ones you love. You sacrifice things that may have the potential to bring you good feelings for the greater good. That is how success works in any endeavor It all takes disciple. It's the same with marriage as it relates to lust. 

So yes you are perfectly normal. But thoughts are just that thoughts, don't dwell on them, understand what they are and move on. Also try to avoid situations that will put you in temptation. One of the best ways to avoid doing wrong is to avoid being in situations where you are tempted to do wrong. 

Finally this doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your marriage or your relationship. It happens to everyone even the best marriages. Don't worry about it, but you need to be proactive about it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Perfectly normal....it's how you act upon them that makes the difference. I suggest not creating reality out of fantasy.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

I would say very normal.

Although I hope I would never act on these impulses, there are certain types of women who make me speechless, a direct hit as they say. 

The fact that I do act even when flirted with I view as a measure of my devotion to my marriage.

Often people who claim to be saints and to never feel tempted are the worst ones, think of how spotless Bill Cosbys reputation was at one time.

Tamat


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The Heart is ruthless in it's desires.

On same sex crushes?

Girl crushes?
More a wink, than a kink.

In many women's minds, girl crushes are torts of lesser consequence.
Thought less harmful, less 'infidelious'.

Maybe transference, putting yourself in her body. 
Imagining yourself being her.


Do you imagine and wishing to do things as her?
Or, do you imagine doing things with her, to her?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Yup, crushes are normal - just realize that what you are usually crushing on is a *fantasy*, not the reality of the other person because you typically don't really know them that well.

Nothing wrong with a crush as a bit of fantasy-fuel, but don't act on them in reality.


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## alexalives4him35 (Apr 27, 2018)

Wow that’s an honest question. On same sex which growing up conservative have never said this out loud I would say both imagining being her and with her though after 10 years of marriage I have never cheated and don’t plan on it though I feel the more I “crush” on someone the deeper the thoughts or further the “thoughts” go. Make sense? That true for anyone?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

*Re: Crushes Even though I’m married.*



alexalives4him35 said:


> Wow that’s an honest question. On same sex which growing up conservative have never said this out loud I would say both imagining being her and with her though after 10 years of marriage I have never cheated and don’t plan on it though I feel the more I “crush” on someone the deeper the thoughts or further the “thoughts” go. Make sense? That true for anyone?


The idea is to take control of your thoughts and not let them take control of you. Once you lose control over yourself all sorts of negative scenarios can emerge.

In other words, what you feed grows. If you keep feeding it, it can grow out of control and you are left with a mess.

When you start having these thoughts, recognize them for what they are, take control of them, and refocus your attention on something productive.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

*Re: Crushes Even though I’m married.*



alexalives4him35 said:


> Wow that’s an honest question. On same sex which growing up conservative have never said this out loud I would say both imagining being her and with her though after 10 years of marriage I have never cheated and don’t plan on it though I feel the more I “crush” on someone the deeper the thoughts or further the “thoughts” go. Make sense? That true for anyone?


Yes, the more one dwells on someone the more the thoughts progress. The more you think about what it would be like the more you are going to want and do something about it. 

On another thread the wife was doing the same thing. She was “crushing” a coworker and all of a sudden the situation was like something she imagined. The next thing she knew she had cheated on her husband. She said when it was happening it was like she was in a dream, she couldn’t tell what was real or what wasn’t. 

Careful with your thoughts. Best to have these daydreams about your husband.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

*Re: Crushes Even though I’m married.*

I call those fantasies and they are normsl and healthy as long as you don't act on them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Don't let your thoughts on another person take hold. Dont let yourself think or fantasise about another person. Redirect your thought on your spouse and think of the things you love about them. Some people seem to think that we have no control over what we think about.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

*Re: Crushes Even though I’m married.*



Bibi1031 said:


> I call those fantasies and they are normsl and healthy as long as you don't act on them.


The problem for some is the not acting on them.


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