# Stress hurting marriage



## CritterGal (Jan 23, 2012)

My husband has been going through a rough spot. So have I but my problems are nothing compared to his. He had been so distant. I asked and asked him to talk to me. But like many people he bottled it up inside. Now that it is out it is a big problem. 

He is very unhappy with his life. He was adopted and suddenly decided to reach out to these people. It did not seem to answer any of his questions and only made things worse. He is so closed off and unhappy. I worry about him feeling rejected. I tell him it is no reflection on him, but he is still very upset. 

He feels that I am a major stress factor in his life because I am negative and lazy. I caused him problems with his best friend/roommate "I kicked best friends girlfriend out for getting mouthy to me." 

He does not like that I do not do much around the house. I work and simply do not feel like cleaning anything when I get home Not that the house is gross or anything, but I hardly ever have time to fold laundry and stuff. I am a sleepy head:sleeping:. Mostly he says it is my negativity and complaining about coworkers. 

My goal is to make things better. He has stress and I have stress but I think I can deal with my stress so it does not cause havoc in our marriage. My stress has mostly to do with my child not wanting to come on his visitations. It;s been hurtful, but nothing like what hubby is going through I am sure. I just want to be a better wife!


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Have you suggested some sort of equitable sharing of responsibilities for cleaning the house? Like "We'll alternate days" or "You do the bathroom, I'll do the bedroom, you do the kitchen..." ? 

Why do you think you like complaining about coworkers to him? Would you get the same benefit from the complaining if you had a trusted friend you could vent about those coworkers to?

(My GF likes to complain about her friends/coworkers/classmates to me. I don't understand why and, yes, the constant negativity is annoying. I think we'd both be better off if she'd just do this complaining to one of her good friends. I'm not sure what's being accomplished by it, but it certainly stresses me out and brings me down. That's why your post struck a chord with me)


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## CritterGal (Jan 23, 2012)

He really is the only person I talk to. I am thinking about just keeping a diary to vent into. That might keep me form speaking about it. It may even help me deal with it better. The stuff with my son has been heart wrenching. My hubby is not his father and really does not know what to say when I bring it up. It is really something that needs to be dealt with privately.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I understand the stuff with your son and I would think he should be fine lending an ear. 

I don't understand the general venting about co-workers or what one accomplishes with it. But that might just be my personality.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

CritterGal said:


> He really is the only person I talk to. I am thinking about just keeping a diary to vent into. That might keep me form speaking about it. It may even help me deal with it better. The stuff with my son has been heart wrenching. My hubby is not his father and really does not know what to say when I bring it up. It is really something that needs to be dealt with privately.


In general, I think many women underestimate the powerful love they would unleash if they merely made a consistent effort to be nice to their husbands.

I know it would have made a huge difference in my life.


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