# Moving on and whats the norm nowadays?!?!



## Lonelywife82 (Jul 31, 2021)

So me and husband are officially separated, living in separate houses. He has his life and I have mine. We have been split up for now 2 and a half months and already it's getting lonely. Unfortunately my life consisted of my kids and husband so, as sad as it is, I have no friends. I'm not in a position to date, etc, as I have kids full time as well as working and have done since husband got his own place. He's working none stop so only has the kids one day a week for tea.

I'm told him it's not good enough and I've agreed not to nag with the promise he will starting having them in new year.

I do want to start dating to see what's out there and for a bit of company but wondered if it was too early. I've been speaking with someone and he seems lovely but lives about 40 minutes away so any dating would need effort. Is it normal these days to have a relationship but live separately? Obviously I'm not looking at moving in with any guy and the thought of even kissing a guy petrifies me never mind anything else, but I am curious as to what is considered normal, as for the past 15 years, I've lived with a man.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I think it's normal for people to seek companionship immediately upon separation, but I also think it's very unhealthy. You are trying to fill a void with a new person. This early in your almost single life is the time to heal and grow, without another person to complicate matters. Add to that the fact that you are still legally married and it's not a good mix. Finish your current relationship before bringing a new person into your life.

As far as your husband not taking responsibility for caring for the kids, that is also normal, but not healthy. I know a lot of really good dads who would never do that, but I also know a lot of dads that would and have basically deserted their kids. What does you attorney say about how much time your husband should have the kids? It sounds like your stbx simply doesn't want to be bothered caring for his children. I don't know if you can force that on him or not.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It would be far more beneficial for you to take up hobbies, interests, make friends, join groups etc. Jumping straight into dating again when you are barely separated is very unwise. 

Give it a year or more is my advise and in the meantime do more things to widen your social contacts generally and expand your horizons.

It was 4 years for me before I felt emotionally ready to date again. It was 2 more years before I met my now husband. You honestly sound far from ready.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

After I was divorced in my 50's (comfortably retired), I had no intention of getting involved with anyone. I am very active in church, the gym, and several volunteer organizations and there were so many women who asked me out. The attention I was getting was crazy. I had a lot of women hitting on me and I rejected all of them except for a friend with benefits situation. But my life changed unexpectedly when I met my wife at church. When I met her, she wasn't looking for a relationship either. 

For me, I wanted to focus on myself. My partner is very supportive and healthy, but I didn't go looking after my divorce. It just happened. We're married now with an amazing blended family. I agree with @Diana7 about taking time for yourself first. To be honest, I got some grief here when I got into my current relationship but so far so good. The reality remains that I wasn't looking, it just happened because I put myself out there socially because I like being social. I put myself and my health first.


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