# Prego and done with the bullcrap!



## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

Ah man where to begin.. WARNING: Will probably be alittle lengthy and still not whole story so please bare with me.. I wanna see what you think! Very curious to see what the men have to say lol.. ha!
well I have been best friends with my hubbie for 2 years and we got married last sept.. not even a year yet.. geez.. I am 31 weeks and 2 day prego today..if he knew i was telling strangers this he would flip.. don't care! he says he don't tell people things.. oh come on now.. whatever what a frikken lie! Anyway... things were awesome in the beginning he was affectionate and very loving.. well he ended up telling me i looked at him too much and said I love you too much.. what?!? there is a such thing? Ok, some guys say they wait for us to be affectionate because " we expect it and don't do anything".. get over yourselves.. the ones who say this anyway.. i show all the love and affection in the world.. anyway..(oh yea i got prego in Oct.. one month after marriage because we agreed to it).. he was supportive and there for me in 1st trimester.. cooking and cleaning cause i could not do much being sick all the time.. ahh man here it goes.. he smokes alot of pot.. can't stand it anymore.. sorry but once i got prego it hit me that he should quit.. i tell ya why if u disagree.. when he is stoned he gets really relaxed and sleeps..well my son can sit there crying loud and he sleeps through it (5 yr old delayed son..not his).. anyway.. one night i was at school and he calls cause he had an "accident" in mhis underwear.. he puts him in the shower with clothes on.. than sits him on toilet for 3 hours!!!!! What the heck man??! He totally ignores my son most the time or sends him to his room.. my son hates his room because he is always in there.. its bullhonkey..he treats him like crap to where he comes in the room and my son starts crying.. he is the only father figure my son knows.. it breaks my heart.. 
Ok for the him and I part.. we fight constantly!! These are not ur normal fights.. these are he uses EVERYTHING he can to hurt you for as long as he can keep it up.. he uses my past (which believe me is so bad it could make a book/movie).. and my kid and my family against me..he has had me wanting to kill myself in the past..but everything is my fault and i need help.. umm dude i know i have issues i go to counceling.. and u do nothing but point the finger.. atleast i can admit my faults.. i mean i agree i can instigate sometimes.. but still no excuse to go overboard.. even while prego he can become physical.. not hitting or kicking or anything like that.. but if i got something of his.. after he takes something of mine.. he will wrestle for it.. he almost broke my hand and had me fall once.. since than i don't even take his crap anymore.. too afraid to.. I got a bruise on my arm once from me running in bathroom closin the door to get away from teh arguing and him pushing on it trying to get it open and my arm slipped on corner of door (if that made sense).. the night he almost broke my fingers.. tehre is a big hole in the wall.. i hit him a few months ago i admit because hew as cussing and yelling at me when my son in back seat of car...he called cops lol.. umm u have no marks.. i have bruise from bathroom incident.. so cops let it go.. duh! anyway.. here is worse part.. than i done ranting for now lol.. friday before last he tells me we have 2 weeks to pack and get out of our house becuase we can't afford rent no more.. no.. you cant afford your half because u won't find a darn second job.. grr.. he told landlord 2-3 weeks prior we were moving out and didnt tell me.. there i was 29wks prego.. we started fighting.. i went into bad premature labor.. at night! He was sleeping at this point.. i wake him up to take me to hospital.. he says lie down or take a bath.. I'm not taking you.. dude it is your child do u not care? Teh person who has told me in past fights a few times that the baby would be better off dead if we are not gonna work.. oh my gosh.. grr.. so my grandpa had to go out of his way to come get me.. they stopped my labor thankfully at hospital.. i went in 2 more times after that because contractions came again.. they said he needs to stop stressing me out.. so i decided this is pretty much done.. is it worth losing my daughter over? IF he doesn't care? he already told me he don't love me anymore and u can tell he don't care bout me either.. he still fights with me up to this very day..not caring.. so what do you think?!lol sorry so long.. warned ya.. i am moving in with my grandparents next monday.. i think i should just end it than... ya think?


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I know this is easy to say, but sounds like a completely destructive relationship. I'm glad for you and your son that you are getting out. He doesn't care. You don't get high and care for a child. What if he zonks out and your son walks outside? these days I won't let my 8 year old out alone. People driving fast, crazies out there etc. 

Heavy pot smokers are always in a constant mind fog. I think this was discussed here recently, but I don't hang with heavy pot users. They are goal-less dumb arses that lock their keys in their car every other week. LOL! 

Get with your grand parents and get that boy some real care. You are young enough to get someone with a good mind and a future with.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

mommydrgnfly-

People who smoke pot don't realise that it's chief feature apart form making you into a zombie, is to cause your life to go round and round in circles. Nothing will ever be achieved.

I am really glad you have seen the light.


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## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

ahh thank u guys.. usually men tell me I am 100% at fault and over reacting like my hubbie does.. he even tells me we can work this out now that we will be not living together.. what?!? how?!? We go to marriage counceling and it seems like it is for ****'s and giggles for him...he talks the whole time and hardly lets me get a word in.. I cried last time we went because I had to hear his put downs all over again.. ok i am gonna tell u this... i have been physically, verbally and mentally abused in past and other bad things.. he uses it against me in every argument til i cry and wheni cry he throws it at me harder.. i relive my past over and over in my dreams. that to me is worse than livin it in the past.. does that make sense? lol..A part of me wants to stay with him for our daughters sake.. but am i dumb? lol.. though i feel bad i wanna fight for full custody because of how he has treated my son and because of his anger and pot smoking..he will never give pot up..he says that is who he is..i have friends who smoke it and i use to back in the day.. but when you got kids i think it is time to stop in my opinion!!He is almost 30 and he is so childish.. he says my world is warped.. grr..so after everything u have read.. u think he is done with me even though he says otherwise? I feel he is.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Well you seem to be lacking in self esteem in a big way. You need help for that. He sounds like a sadist, verbally abusive and enjoys keeping you down in spirits. It's toxic and you gotta get away from him and get some serious help to deal with your past abuse and low self esteem. When you do move he will try and talk you back, stand firm and straighten yourself out. You have much more responsiblity to those kids than to him.


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## justplaintired (Apr 14, 2009)

Ok Dragonfly I am returning the favor here. Let me see if I can give you a mans piont of view. I am 50 and as you know of my hardship I now know of yours. Leave the SOB, you sound like you are trying to better yourself with school and loving your child. The fact that he smokes pot does not really alarm me except he does not smoke with reason. He does not need to be high while caring for children. He sounds abusive in all ways it can only get worse. Move on or the next time he could really hurt you. If he does get the opertunity to explode on you again have him arrested and get a protection order on him and follow threw. Divorce him and find a real man that can love you as you want to be loved. They are out there and don't settle again. It may take a while. This will give you time to get to know who you are without a man, and build your inner strength.


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## mexican candy (Apr 30, 2009)

i agree with justplaintired i think this relationship is completely out of control. im 8 months prego and considering leaving my man for other reasons. but if there is one thing i strongly believe is your kids come before any man. ur kids dont deserve to be around a man who is physical and they depend on u to protect them from people like him i say.. u have to move out anyway right might as well doing it without him. im sure ur family will support a positive change in ur life and help out a little. i know situations are complicated but do what is best for u and ur health but most of all for ur kids. remember they depend on u. good luck and be strong!!


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## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

Thanks you guys.. atleast like i said i am movin in with my grandparents next week.. no wonder he is being somewhat civil.. i can tell by the way he says things and the way he acts he dont' want this.. but he says he is willing to do counciling still and after his fishing thing in july (in alaska-3months long) he will have lots of money and we can see if we can work it out than.. what?!?! I told him the ONLY way I would EVER stay with him is if after his fishing thing he go to parenting classes with me and really learns about my sons medical issues... cause the way he treats him is messed up.. he says it is because he can't play with him like he does his other 2 kids.. from previous marriage... and he gets frusterated because he poops in his underwear at 5 and can be out of control sometimes.. well dude sorry but my son is developmentally delayed and is moderatly mentally challenged.. (have the "R" word).. he is overall a wonderful kid to be around.. and i told him he would have to learn other ways to communicate with me than yelling and using my past against me.. shoot i have a marriage and family book from an old pscyhology class he can read lol..there are good ways of fighting.. honestly think about it.. if u dont' fight now and than it is unhealthy because u r bottling everything inside and never communicating.. but its when it is like him and I that it is very unhealthy.. u gotta not only state your case.. but you gotta really listen the person.. not think of what you are gonna say while they are talking.. but really listen than talk.. u know what i mean? I see that the "I statments" if u look it up in google.. works.. if he owuld only try harder on it.. idk.. believe me i am done at this point.. but if he really showed me he was willing to change by going to counceling for him and I, plus parenting classes and researching my sons medical issues.. than yes there is a possibility.. i already go to counseling for me to help myself.. and i am proud of myself for it..i think i am a strong person though.. i get the urge to hug or kiss him.. but tell myself.. NO! Stop because he don't deserve it..!


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Wait are you saying he offered to go AFTER a 3 month fishing trip? what a guy!....oh man. Your son, does he have autism? just curious I have an 8 year old with it.


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## justplaintired (Apr 14, 2009)

LOL Martino I think he has a job on fishing boat in Alaska. Also I am a nurse and work with challanged indiviuals in a ICF/MRDD. I have worked with the mentally and physicaly challanged for almost 10 years now. I would not change it for the world. Less money but all the love you can stand. Hope it works out for you Dragonfly.


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## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

well we are thinking he has autism on the low spectrum.. they said borderline.. but not certain yet.. got get $600 for tests.. poor little guy.. he does have the characterists of autisim.. not too many.. but some of the major ones... he bangs his head.. and when he was a baby he would bang his chin on the crib to where i would walk in and there be blood all over his white crip.. had to tape towels around it .. so sad.. 
Yea he is talking about a fishing boat job in alaska for 3 months.. we go to marriage counceling now.. but he wants to see how it goes after our little seperation period.. idk.. i still want him to go to parenting classes and learn about my sons mental issues... if he cant be commited to that.. well than we can't be together because my son is my life.. what if his daughter is born with the same problems? Though it is less likely in girls.. but still there is that possiblity...i mean i understand if u r not used to kids like my son it is hard to know what to do or how to react.. but the things he does or has done is just not the right thing.. he should had cared and loved him enough for the get go to find out everything he could about the problems..i love him and it would be awesome if he did all these things i want because that helps out the whole family as a whole.. but if he is not willing to than i am more than ready to move on.. because life is too darn short and I deserve to be happy and so does my kids.. of course it will hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks lol.. but time will heal me.. shoot i lost a fiance in 2004 to a car wreck and took long while to get over it.. still got the memories.. but anyway.. if i can move on and become stronger from that.. i can do anything!!! That is what we all need to remember and keep in mind.. in the end no matter how much it hurts.. we will be ok and life will go on..time heals any pain, doesn't seem like it at the time.. but believe me it does.. shoot i see people divorcing all the time who are deeply in love with the other person and hurting so bad.. a few years later they are either married again or living a productive happy life and saying they would not change it for the world. This is how I have got to look at it!


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

You should be able to get insurance to pay for all tests. A diagnosis by a licensed psychologist is the way to go. You can get a lot of services and help with that. Let me know if you want to know more. Good luck.....


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## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

oww.. i live in AZ.. yes help help help lol.. i was planning on social security.. but than again won't that go against my college financial aid? Even though ALL that money will go towards him if i got SS.. I mean state welfare pays for most his medical stuff.. but like this testing, clothes, educational/developmental toys and what not is not covered and i can not afford it after paying bills.. shoot SS would help even pay for rent once i find a place after a while..i feel selfish almost saying that.. but than again paying rent would umm help put a roof over my sons head.. the economy is so crap right now.. eek. Thanks Martino.. I am going to bed now for I am tired after my biz exam and packing today.. hmm and i'm suppose to be on bedrest.. shame on me lol..write back when can and I check back in the morning or afternoon.. thanks again


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

1. Contact your local branch of Autism Society of America ask where to get help with an official diagnosis. Not just school a school psychologist is not a real certified psychologist. You want a psychologist or Neurologist, also ask his physician for a referral. Let them bill the state. Always keep your son on state medical assistance, don't let the paperwork slide. If you get a job and your social worker wants him on your work insurance say: NO! You should be able to get SSI, nothing to do with your schooling but all to do with your income. Allow them full access to your financial records so that they adjust payments and you won't get in trouble. 

2. Contact your local branch of Autism Society of America. If you are in a city, there is a branch nearby. Start asking about grants, and waivers. You might get a lot of help. Funds to pay for sensory items, PCA care, cell phone, transport etc.

3. Get speech therapy and if you can *Applied Behavior Analysis* (ABA) therapy. It is the only scientifically proven effective therapy. They got my son toilet trained in one week. Took him from grunting words and tantrums to communicating his wants in a year and a half. They may come to your house or you may have to take him. Get all the hours you can. You may have to sit on a wait list before they start......

4. Learn all you can about how to help him with behaviors and language development and social skills. Parents can make such a difference. Kids like this aren't in a "shell" like the popular myth claims, they need to be taught EVERYTHING. 

Good luck.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Mommydrgnfly

I feel for you....I met my wife and her Son was 15 months old... She was not divorced yet... Gawd that took 2.5 years or so... Her Son had issues... and sometimes I shunned him away. He had ADHD... and a few other things... After being behind just over 2,000 in back support he was given an offer pay the money or let me adopt him.... He chose to let me adopt him....... Can you imagine selling your son for a bit more then 2,000????????????

I learn to love our Son... though at times it was tough. Sometimes I would get mad... in the end I found the reason I resented hiom at times... It was cause he was not mine......He had many problems in school.... but he never stayed back and graduated from H.S.. He got a job and then started to get into trouble for about a year... a few arrests over just stupid things... Well now he is 24 years old and living with his Girlfriend and very happy..... We are so proud of him... I was never the best parent to him, but I loved him....

I can't speak for your Husband, but maybe he feels the same way i felt??? 
I know you read a few of my posts.... as I said I would change but never did.... What my wife did made me open my eyes.....Maybe it was a wake up call???? or my Marriage is really over??? But it opened my eyes either way. It made me think of the mistakes I could have changed, or ways would have done things differently....

I know about the "Bringing up the past" thing I have done that also. Don't ask me why I have done it.... I can't answer that....It seems like when two people argue it comes up alot????

If I could offer my thing in the form of advice for your Hubby from one guy to another??? Make him understand He is not his son, you know that... But just Love him and accept him for who he is.... He is your Son, and if you accept me and have to accept him.... I did this and it worked for me.... I have never stopped loving him for over 20 years....

If your husband wants the marriage, you should come first!!!! Forget the fishing trip and concentrate on what he needs to change before he looses you.... 

I wish the best for you....


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## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

at this point he don't care if he loses me.. thats the problem.. but yet he wants to get "finances" straightened out while i am living with grandparents and he does his fishing thing for 3 months.. what?!?! and after thats straightened we can work it out.. we will 'still be together' during this time he says.. not splitting up.. I am so frikken confused.. lol.. u either want it or you don't..hes gonna be homeless after tomarrow when we finish moving out.. so hes going to another state to be with his other 2 kids (4 and 7) (they live with their mother)for the month of may living with different friends (umm can we say leeching?).. than supposibly coming back here for June than leaving july for fishing.. is this how marriage is suppose to be? You move out and live in different places to straighten finances out? What I'm suppose to move in with friends or family every time we have finance problems? I don't think so.. I am so fed up! He is almost 30 for crying out loud.. grow up!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Mommy:

Sorry about your relationship with your husband at what is supposed to be a happy time!

I am sorry to say...there is nothing that you said that would keep me there. This is an abusive relationship....both to your and your son (not to mention the new baby). GET OUT!

You sound very strong. Focus on yourself and your children. Continue your education...get individual counseling....and ask for child support for your new baby. 

I am sorry that you have to go through this....


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## mommydrgnfly (Apr 29, 2009)

Thank you everyone.. Its really bad tonight.. here I am alone for the first time lying in my bed wanting to sleep but yet crying so hard i am hyperventilating.. Hes been so bad to me.. and after so much crap i just wanna hold him right now.. this isnot fair! Finally living at grandparents and now 32 weeks prego..i been crying all day.. i mean for hours and hours now..I'm so lonely.. isn't it funny how crappy someone can be to u but u still love them so much that u miss them when they're gone.. ok well here is why i am crying so hard now and hyperventilating.. everyone has tried to calm me down and it won't work.. not only am i in a bed by myself which i am not used to, and well yea prego hormones.. but i found something last night that threw me for a loop..usually i am not this nosey... did not expect to find this and so wish i didn't.. im so dumb and mad at myself.. well i was looking at craigslist for houses and jobs.. i noticed that adult gigs had been clicked on before so i looked.. he looked at gigs for pornstars in our area and stuff so i looked at the email addi.. well he was drivin home. anyway... i seen he did not sign out of his msn email account so i looked in his sent box to see if he applied for that porn job lol.. but there was no such email in sent box.. but i noticed an email from a month ago to some candy... at an yahoo account email with no subject.. i read it and it said " I found your email addi on myspace.. so what is up sexy a**?" I looked up her email addi on myspace and she is a prostitute in our county.. i about threw up.. and was shaking so badly.. i conffronted him about it and he said he can understand why i am upset but he saw her on craigslist (why were u looking that crap up anyway?)... and seen she was a prostitute and wanted to screw with her head.. hopeing she would email him back so he could give her a fake addi to meet him at.. though he would not show up.. why do this? why take the time? why did n't u tell me i asked.. "i knew u wouldn't find it funny and would get upset"..again why did u do it than? he says he had no intentions of meeting up with her...what do i believe though ya know? he has lied to me about so many things and don't luv me.. he kisses me today after not kissing me since Feb.. and says he wants to try to work this out.. he is going to a different state next week til end of june when our baby is born, so he can help his 'ex' wife out with their two kids.. umm hello i need u right now.. than doing the fishing thing for 3 mons in alaska in july after baby is born.. wtf?!? how is that to help anything.. i think i am just ready to let this go.. if i already gotta go through the tears and hurt and hyperventilating.. especially pregnant.. whats the use? he don't love me anyway..any advice?


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Your stress is not good for the baby. Your husband is keeping you holding on...don't let him trick you. Just because this may not be "good timing" for him, doesnt mean you should stay attached. WHy does he feel the need to go help his ex with the kids when he wont help you....his wife now? YOU and the baby should be his top priority!!! 

If I were you, I would be filing for divorce ASAP so you can get on with your life and take care of that new baby. He made his bed, let him lie in it. Don't give him any more than you already have!

I don't think its so much HIM you want to hold, but someone to make you feel like everything will be ok.

Good luck hun, my prayers are with you..but stay strong and follow your heart and your gut feelings on this!


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