# Advice/Venting



## Dmo7272 (May 21, 2019)

So have a rather long story, but will try and make it as short as possible. Married my wife 8 months ago, and divorce is filed already. 

Met my wife when she was going through her second divorce, and she sucked my in with stories that I found out later were not so truthful. She would say how her husband beat her all the time, and treated her awful. Come to find out, she was actually being physical. While she was going through that divorce, she was also losing her child, as the child said she was slapped hard by her mother, which i'm not sure if it's true or not. 

First year or so was great, we had some fights, but nothing too intense. I'd say typical relationship feuds. Then, the fights starting getting worse. I was starting to get punched in the face. Manipulation started. The fights started to get really intense. There was a time when I took my son and her son up to Ohio with me to visit family. My father was battling cancer, and she gave me the go ahead with her son. The last full day we are up there, our phones start blowing up. She's upset because her son hasn't been answering his phone. Next thing I know, she's threatening to call the cops one me for kidnapping her son. I know.. This goes on for 5 hours, when she then starts threatening suicide. So I immediately call the cops, and she was Baker Acted. The cops tried to get in the house for 3 hours, when I finally told them to kick in the door. Drive all the way back from Ohio straight through to meet her at the hospital the next day. Dr's say she's fine, and will be going home tomorrow. I was shocked, but who am I to argue with Drs.



Time goes on, fights are still abusive on her part. Couple more incidents that I'll keep short... She has came at me with a knife before, which is the one time i put her on her butt. I grabbed the knife, and tripped her to get her on the ground.. She scared the sh$% out of me, had a look of evil.. Another time, she was coming home from a concert when she was pregnant, like 3 or 4 weeks or so at that point, and was not happy i fell asleep.. (ended up being a miscarriage) It was like midnight. I go to the couch to get away from the yelling, and next thing i know is i have a 3 inch gash on my head from my work laptop. Once was enough, she hit me with it 3 times. Again, I panic and calls the cops.. Cops come out and file a report on her, state ends up pressing charges, but nothing happened, as I didn't show up to court to testify. Was talked out of it. 

Now, we are going through a divorce. She caught wind that i was going to file, so she beat me to the punch. Prior to filing though, she filed a domestic violence case against me, which is completely false. She has a picture of a black eye she had, however, she was holding on to my chain choking me, and the chain broke. She slid and hit her head on the corner of the wall. But now she's showing this picture to people saying i gave it to her. She told her brother the same thing which i found in a message.

Another quick rant, regarding the pregnancy. I was checking her sons phone one day, and there's a message in there to his dad stating: Dmo7272 told my mom that she deserved for the baby to die.. I was floored, as I would NEVER say anything like that. What I did say during an argument one time, was i think this pregnancy was a mistake, as we can't get along, and I don't want it to be brought up in a broken home. That got twisted around to I told her it deserved to die. I actually got yelled at for looking through her 11 year olds phone. 

The thing she is so upset about is she found an email on my work computer from my son's mother, who told me she just lost her job. My exact words were, "You know, I shouldn't care, but I do. What plans do you have. " Now I'm a cheater, who is having an emotional affair. 


Now, I'm not saying I'm innocent, but I've never in my life even THOUGHT about anything like that. I tend to get opinionated, and can get loud during an argument, I've even put a hole into the door once because she had me trapped in a closet. There's been quite a few times where maybe i should've given more attention. I've been very busy studying for my investment license which i just got, and in the process of opening my own Financial Planning practice. Quite honestly I was doing for her because her dream was to be a stay at home wife. 

You know, i guess i was looking for advice on here, but after typing it out, i'm not sure if that's what i'm looking for anymore. The one piece i guess i would want advice on his my response to my son's mother about her losing her job. That is her reason for stonewalling me for 2 weeks now, and filing the divorce ahead of me. 

Hope this all makes sense. I'm going to go ice my fingers now. 

Dmo

*Disclaimer: 100% the truth. I don't know ya'll, you don't know me. Have no reason to lie to anybody. *


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Get out ASAP when someone is a two time divorce that should have told you what you needed to know but hindsight is 20/20. 

Sounds like you've lawyer end up so make sue the DV's don't stick. You don't need that on your record.

I'd keep a voice activated recorder on me at all times.

You can't fix cray cray


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorcing her is a good idea. She is dangerous. Eventually she will do someone some serious harm. Don't let it be you.


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## Missmilly (Feb 15, 2019)

Hi, i understand you perfectly well. We have 2 sons from previous relationships and a baby, and we get physical. My hubby currently has a restraining order and he cannot approach me for 2 more weeks. ( im the poster who sent the husband to jail) it looks like your wife has borderline personality. ( what I think I have) but I am no expert. Borderline personalities are terrified of abandonment, so they will push the person away as much as they can to see if the person comes back. Everything that they don’t agree with is a micro abandonment to them. I know she may be a lying crazy psycho, but she is a flawed ****ty human after all, like all of us. Try to help her as a friend. Get her therapy. For her son’s sake at least. Even if you cannot remember why you loved or married her. Help another human. And, writing what you wrote to your ex was wrong. You cannot write emotionally to your ex, or in a helping, caring way. That is a huge abandonment in the eyes of your current wife. Try to take her to lunch and a therapy appointment right after and give yourselves at least a timeline to make it to a year of marriage. Maybe therapy will work!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Missmilly said:


> Hi, i understand you perfectly well. We have 2 sons from previous relationships and a baby, and we get physical. My hubby currently has a restraining order and he cannot approach me for 2 more weeks. ( im the poster who sent the husband to jail) it looks like your wife has borderline personality. ( what I think I have) but I am no expert. Borderline personalities are terrified of abandonment, so they will push the person away as much as they can to see if the person comes back. Everything that they don’t agree with is a micro abandonment to them. I know she may be a lying crazy psycho, but she is a flawed ****ty human after all, like all of us. T*ry to help her as a friend. Get her therapy. For her son’s sake at least. Even if you cannot remember why you loved or married her. Help another human. And, writing what you wrote to your ex was wrong. You cannot write emotionally to your ex, or in a helping, caring way. That is a huge abandonment in the eyes of your current wife. Try to take her to lunch and a therapy appointment right after and give yourselves at least a timeline to make it to a year of marriage. *Maybe therapy will work!


Disagree. 

Get out fast, have as many restraining orders against her as you need to keep her away, and have zero contact. Put this woman and her dangerous issues in your rearview mirror. You never should have married her given the history, but that's hindsight at this point. Cut ties and run.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

it sounded like you dated her for 5 years before marriage, can i ask you why in the hell did you end up marrying her in the first place. she clearly was demonstrated physical harm and irrational behavior, why woudl you think putting a ring on her made any sense?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Missmilly said:


> Hi, i understand you perfectly well. We have 2 sons from previous relationships and a baby, and we get physical. My hubby currently has a restraining order and he cannot approach me for 2 more weeks. ( im the poster who sent the husband to jail) it looks like your wife has borderline personality. ( what I think I have) but I am no expert. Borderline personalities are terrified of abandonment, so they will push the person away as much as they can to see if the person comes back. Everything that they don’t agree with is a micro abandonment to them. I know she may be a lying crazy psycho, but she is a flawed ****ty human after all, like all of us. Try to help her as a friend. Get her therapy. For her son’s sake at least. Even if you cannot remember why you loved or married her. *Help another human*. And, writing what you wrote to your ex was wrong. You cannot write emotionally to your ex, or in a helping, caring way. That is a huge abandonment in the eyes of your current wife. Try to take her to lunch and a therapy appointment right after and give yourselves at least a timeline to make it to a year of marriage. Maybe therapy will work!


No, help yourself first.
RUN! I've said this before.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm not usually a guy who jumps toward divorce. But, I think in your case, that's the best move. Get away from her.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

First - Get a good divorce lawyer, and
a restraining order. ASAP

Second- Get a copy of all police reports
and give them to your lawyer.
The ones where the police had to
knock down the door and the 
state pressed charges. Documentation 
will show a history of cray, cray.
Even if you didn't show up at court
there is a report.

Third- The doctors who said she was ok are 
probably medical doctors and 
meant physically ok. Not mentally !!
Did they recommend any other evaluations?


Fourth- Run, run, run as far away as possible when 
the divorce is finished. She sounds like 
someone who blames everybody else
for her actions. She will keep blaming 
you and maybe even stalking to some degree.


Finally - If you are still living in the same house 
MOVE OUT TODAY !!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Dmo7272, how's it going?


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