# My ex gf messaged me saying this after 7 weeks no contact, now i feel confused



## Usy777 (Dec 6, 2021)

My ex gf and I broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision and that I deserve better but I just want some advice on how to stop missing her and keep myself motivated during the healing process. 

I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off. 

She ended up getting divorced a year after her marriage, she did admit to having a few relationships afterwards. We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage. 

Everytime we'd argue about it, she would always say that it's my fault that things are moving slow and that she doesn't like being with someone who can't commit. She always used to say that she wanted me to open up to her and tell her how I feel and that I can talk to her about anything if I'm ever upset. So I did when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure). 

I don't get why she'd tell me to talk to her about anything then end up throwing it back in my face! I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything at the startwhich I thought was childish. We had an argument a few weeks before the break up in which she said "if we ever break up, it will be your loss". 

At that moment in time, I actually felt worthless and believed her when she said it would be my loss because I thought I didnt deserve better but now I realise I do and that I rather stay single than to be involved with someone like her. I do miss her but I just want to heal and move on cos I know she's not good for me, and to help myself heal I am planning to stay away from relationships for a while and to do this I am planning on putting more focus on to my career (currently IT graduate, planning to advance my career by undertaking more software engineering certificates to enhance my career). I have also joined the gym now as another way to heal and improve mentally & physically and to keep myself busy. 

We broke up around 7 weeks ago but she messaged me on Christmas day saying: 'I just wanted to message you to say that I hope you’re okay and that I feel as though I’m ready to stay as friends with you if that’s what you wanted.. I didn’t think I would ever be able to say that we could stay as friends but I feel like I’m in a good place and I know everything has worked out for the best and I would be really happy to have you as a friend But if you don’t want to hear from me that’s okay too just let me know x' I did reply to her saying that I don't think it's a good idea and I wished her well. She just replied with a simple 'that's fine no worries x'. I'm trying to not think about her messaging me, but I feel like I was really getting in to the healing process and was really focused on other aspects of my life such as my career. I know I deserve better but I'm having a hard time to forget about her, I don't get why she would message me saying this


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Usy777 said:


> My ex gf and I broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy,


Young man, how could she message you?

You said yourself that relationship was "toxic" and you were "really unhappy" so when the two of you broke up, why didn't you block her on anything and everything?

Toxic people need to be cut out of your life, permanently.

Heck, get a new phone number if need be.

Have an attorney send a no contact letter to her.

I get being friends with an ex, but NOT when they are "toxic" (to use your word).

Shut that down, HARD.

Keep going forward and do not look back.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Every communication resets the clock and you have to start the process again. Don’t communicate.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This is a repost of the thread that you started last week. Did you not get the answers that you wanted?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> This is a repost of the thread that you started last week. Did you not get the answers that you wanted?


You and @Blondilocks need to start a Detective Agency...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Blocking is easy. No contact is up to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Duplicate thread. Closed.


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