# I asked for D, why do I feel so terrible?



## WonderHow (Dec 17, 2012)

We're a few months into the D decision and about a month into the physical separation and I'm having serious doubts about my decision. Very long story short, she had an A, I tried for over a year to re-find some sort of spark and finally decided things were getting worse not better so let her know I wanted to D.

Problem is, it hasn't given me any sort of closure. The things I thought I would miss terribly I don't (sex) and the things I though I would be ok without, I miss (talks, sleeping in the same bed, etc).

I'm just so confused. Is this part of the normal process or is the fact that I'm missing her mean that I made the wrong decision? I know that I'll be able to find someone else, I just feel like I've put her on such a pedestal that I'l be so overly critical of anyone else that I'll never whole again. 

On the other hand, I've recently discovered some behaviors that indicate she hasn't experienced the emotional growth I thought she had - namely scheduling a date with a married colleague (she said it made her uncomfortable, etc but it was for work stuff. I know better). Could that be part of it too? The fact that she's already replacing me? After all, while I disagree with her choice of a date, at this point she owes me no fidelity.

17 years is a long time to cut someone completely out of your life. I honestly don't know how to do it.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Are you in counseling?


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Why do you even know about her date with a colleague? You need some more distance to recover. You don't need to be having conversations about her love life. 

Try limiting your communication to business about the divorce or the kids (are there kids?).


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