# Newbie



## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

Hello, all. My name is BP (aka blazer prophet). I am a betrayed spouse from some years ago. As she was the love of my life and someone who wouldn't, and couldn't, betray me... it was the shock of a lifetime when she did. After we tried to reconcile, she cheated again and then again. I finally had enough and left. While the initial pain lasts strong for a few years, it tapers. But for me, it has never gone away. Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about it all. 

So I am here. Mostly for some self therapy, I suppose. I hope to be a fair minded contributor.


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## SunWhiskey (May 21, 2019)

I hate reading stuff like this. Currently, one of my biggest fears is not being able to move on years from now.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

Go through the pain, not around it, and you can move on. Ignoring the way I really felt for years really did a number on me and sadly affected those around me maybe in bigger ways than I would've ever imagined. But that can't be the only focus in life. It's amazing how many opportunities can be found. Read a few books to inspire.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

BP,

Perfectly normal I went to see a 90 something year old woman on my vacation in 2018, I think the horrible infidelity on her husbands part occurred when she was in her 40s and she is still talking about it and breaking down. It's very similar to PTSD. 

Did you expose the OMs to their SO or wives, it's never too late.


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## Jaded1 (Jan 24, 2019)

Sorry that you are here, but welcome.

Like you, I sought out these type of forums a few years ago, for the exact reason you did. These forums did not exist when exes' (2 of them) cheated on me, and I was never able to fully cope with the anger and betrayals. But I can honestly say that reading and participating on various forums, I've gained a sense of the why's and the closure that I never received from the exes. 

All these years later, I still think about finding out, and how it made me physically ill, but I do not dwell on it anymore. Thankfully I've been able to leave that old baggage out of my most recent relationships, thanks in large part to what I've learned on the forums.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

blazer prophet said:


> Hello, all. My name is BP (aka blazer prophet). I am a betrayed spouse from some years ago. As she was the love of my life and someone who wouldn't, and couldn't, betray me... it was the shock of a lifetime when she did. After we tried to reconcile, she cheated again and then again. I finally had enough and left. While the initial pain lasts strong for a few years, it tapers. But for me, it has never gone away. Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about it all.
> 
> So I am here. Mostly for some self therapy, I suppose. I hope to be a fair minded contributor.


How long has it been? How old are you now?


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> How long has it been? How old are you now?


About 15 years. I am 60 now. The first 3 years were like living a terror filled life. The women who I had on a pedestal and was a very religious person (involved in many a charity...) would give in to someone and be his lover. We had a robust sex life and had fun together with other things. We were friends as well. No drinking or drugs... Then in years 3-7 the mind movies started lessening as well as the chest pains. But around year 7 it just plateaued rather then going away. It's like a low grade depression. Believe it or not, I have remarried to a really good friend. But my ability to trust is poor. It's a struggle.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

blazer prophet said:


> About 15 years. I am 60 now. The first 3 years were like living a terror filled life. The women who I had on a pedestal and was a very religious person (involved in many a charity...) would give in to someone and be his lover. We had a robust sex life and had fun together with other things. We were friends as well. No drinking or drugs... Then in years 3-7 the mind movies started lessening as well as the chest pains. But around year 7 it just plateaued rather then going away. It's like a low grade depression. Believe it or not, I have remarried to a really good friend. But my ability to trust is poor. It's a struggle.


What's the reference to "chest pains" about? Anxiety? Health issues?

How do you keep your daily feelings about the prior wife from poisoning the relationship with your present wife? Or is that you your "ability to trust" is all about? 

I guess the better question is, what area of your life would like help with?


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> What's the reference to "chest pains" about? Anxiety? Health issues?
> 
> How do you keep your daily feelings about the prior wife from poisoning the relationship with your present wife? Or is that you your "ability to trust" is all about?
> 
> I guess the better question is, what area of your life would like help with?


Just pain in my chest from a betraying wife. It eventually ended.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

blazer prophet said:


> Just pain in my chest from a betraying wife. It eventually ended.


"Just" pain in your chest can be a serious thing. Whether from a heart issue or anxiety. Did you get counseling separately or together when you were previously married? Did you/do you have close friends you can confide in? Many of us have been where you were and may possibly be where you are. 

A concern I have is if your continuing trust issues may be toxic to what otherwise could be a great second marriage. Is she aware of your issues? If so, how is she handling things? I learned something very important recently- when there are issues in a marriage, it's not always the greatest thing when your wife's best friend is... you. It sounds good, but it might not be. I learned this the hard way.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Hey BP,

Sounds like you are fairly self aware and can readily identify what's going on. Even though it still hurts, I'd say you are coming along fairly well. Some just take longer than others.

It's great you have found another. It's never too late to fall in love and find your "best life" !!!


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