# Am I giving up too quickly???



## casualty81 (Jun 2, 2008)

Hi, this is gonna pretty complicated, I hope you guys can help. It is really hard to sum up in a forum like this.

Ive been with my girl for 3yrs. She's been the girl of my dreams since I was about 12-13yo (I'm 31 now). She has a 9 yo daughter that I just love to death and she calls me dad. I'm getting pretty fed up with our sex life. It is once a month, twice if I'm really lucky and it's always the same routine. I tried to get a little variety in there but she hates it. We can't do anything too demanding either because she has a permanent knee injury. I'm really understanding of that last part. For the last 6-8 months I've been contemplating leaving her because I'm just not satisfied and whenever I bring up our quasi sexless life its always an argument ending nowhere. I feel I do more than my fair share to try and fix this problem. I try to surprise her, I bring flowers, take her to shows and dinner, I cook at least 80% of the time, pay for 3/4 of the bills, I take care of her daughter as if she was my own (taking her to practice, school, care for her), and I do anything physically demanding around the house because of her handicap. I do try to communicate a lot but she basically dismisses my concerns as just whining. I'm not saying sex should be a reward for doing this I just think that it could be a way to show me that she loves me and appreciates my efforts. I don't expect it everyday, I know our lives are busy but once or twice a week would be enough to satisfy me.

This is where I add more to the equation and the event that is pushing me over the edge.

Last week I received a distressed call from my sis who is a recovering addict. She sounded like she was in extreme need of help so I suggested flying her to my place (4 provinces away) so we could try to get her the help she needs. My mother-in-law who happened to be at my house for the week and my girlfriend suggested that I call the cops and let them take her to a hospital and deal with it there. I told them I couldnt do that so I had her fly in. Now for the next three days my gf was pouty and moody. So I finally approached her to give her some extra affection and try to talk a little about the situation. Well of course a fight occured and her mother happened to be nearby heard. I told my girlfriend that I didnt see the difference between my sister being here and her more being here. They're both "visitors" and that when I hooked up with my gf she was in a depression at the time and that I'm sure she appreciated the fact that I was there for her and that's what I was doing for my sis. SHe replied that when we met she wasnt looking for attention and not trying to use me and that my sis was only in it for a free vacation and did not look distressed at all and that this decision should have been a 2 person one. Then the mother in law started packing her luggage and wanted to leave 3 days ahead of time because I insulted her by comparing her to my sis and said "if you knew me you wouldnt say another word!" as I was trying to explain that I was just saying that company is company no matter who it is. Anyways, so I decided to drive my sis to my other sisters place thats 5hrs away, slept there and when I came back both my gf and my mother in law left along with her daughter and our 2 dogs. So now how can we ever have our families over after this. Both my sisters r pissed as well as my mother in law. Adding this to the plot, we had put in an offer to buy a house and it was accepted 3weeks ago. 

I don't think we should be together because of our difference in sexual needs and am not satisfied. Buying a new house together would also be disastrous. But if we dont stay together and move her daughter cannot go to her new school in a special athletes and studies program. I also dont want to lose her daughter because I love her so much and I have no rights because I;m not her biological father. 

What do I do???? Am I giving up too fast???


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I thought you were married to start but you aren't. My take in all of this, just from hearing your story but not knowing her is: She doesn't love you, she has/had her heart for someone else. This is the girl of your dreams, you knew her since she was 12, and in your mind you put her on a pedestal. You probably even waited for her to leave the guy who got her pregnant and welcomed her and daughter with open arms. 

You have become the doormat. Of course sex will not be there because she just isn't into it with you. I don't think you will be able to change that. You are already doubting whether or not you should be together. You were given a blessing here, she left your place. You should be celebrating because you didn't have to kick her out! 

Get yourself in shape, clean yourself up, work on your imperfections, Do not contact your girl or act like a puppy dog. Work on yourself with a purpose. She will most likely call you and try to hook up. If she does, agree to meet her but don't ask her back not yet at least. Remember that the ball is in your court now and you call the shots but don't be a jerk.

I'll say it again, work on yourself and let the cards fall as they may. You will either get back to your girl but under different and better circumstances, or she never goes back to you. If you have put in the work, odds are you probably find someone even better.


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## Wendy1 (Feb 20, 2013)

casualty81 said:


> Hi, this is gonna pretty complicated, I hope you guys can help. It is really hard to sum up in a forum like this.
> 
> Ive been with my girl for 3yrs. She's been the girl of my dreams since I was about 12-13yo (I'm 31 now). She has a 9 yo daughter that I just love to death and she calls me dad. I'm getting pretty fed up with our sex life. It is once a month, twice if I'm really lucky and it's always the same routine. I tried to get a little variety in there but she hates it. We can't do anything too demanding either because she has a permanent knee injury. I'm really understanding of that last part. For the last 6-8 months I've been contemplating leaving her because I'm just not satisfied and whenever I bring up our quasi sexless life its always an argument ending nowhere. I feel I do more than my fair share to try and fix this problem. I try to surprise her, I bring flowers, take her to shows and dinner, I cook at least 80% of the time, pay for 3/4 of the bills, I take care of her daughter as if she was my own (taking her to practice, school, care for her), and I do anything physically demanding around the house because of her handicap. I do try to communicate a lot but she basically dismisses my concerns as just whining. I'm not saying sex should be a reward for doing this I just think that it could be a way to show me that she loves me and appreciates my efforts. I don't expect it everyday, I know our lives are busy but once or twice a week would be enough to satisfy me.
> 
> ...


Wooow, your girl is making me really mad, you should not have taking your sister to your other sister place, your sister needed you in difficult time and your girl ruined that for her and yet your girl is acting like she is the victim here.. man i hate people like this, sorry man but really this is buggiin too much.. I think your girl is very selfish person so stay way from her until she changes and dont please buy the house now cancel the appointment now. Good lucky and take care of your sister, if she is depressed she may relapse, so she needs your undivided attention now.


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