# Hey there



## MrsLezard (Nov 25, 2019)

I am K my husband is Lz and we've been together 7 years. He's my husband and I'm his wife. He's my forever and I'm his Always. 
At least until a few years ago....
Once royally screwed my marriage up. When I should've been pursuing my husband I was pursuing something else(not another person). I constantly lied to him and made him feel: invalid, inferior. and worthless. Something I promised I wouldn't because he'd grown up being led to believe he was all those things when he is not. He's the most kind hearted man I have ever known. 
And every time I lied and broke promises, I told him it wouldn't happen again. But it did. So now, when I've pulled my head out of my a**, he has so much resentment in his heart towards me, our marriage is in a trench. I get that I hurt him. And I wish I could do it over again and do it right. But i can't. We're here at this point and i have no idea what to do. I miss being able to make him smile and laugh. 
What should i do to save my marriage.....


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Honestly, it would be good to understand what you were pursuing besides your husband. 

It would also, help to know your ages, if you have kids, how old... Any information is helpful. 

To your question... It is kind of hard to say until we have more information. 

Honestly, what you are describing does not sound good. But keep loving him and SHOWING him your love...


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Have you discussed Marriage Counseling with him? You may want to pursue that to have 3rd-party guided conversations about this.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Have you told him what you told us? Regularly--notes, looks, and especially appreciation. You must show remorse, not just regret. Marriage without trust is so painful. What does he say he needs from you now?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Please share with s what you did. Then we can offer advice in keeping with your situation.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Agree w/ others that you have to apologize to him, but you also need to convince it won't happen again. 

And if you love him, you won't just convince him, you'll make sure it doesn't. That isn't as easy as it sounds, how many of us have habits we'd like to change.

So I think MC would be in order, the counsellor can not only mediate the discussion but also reality check you on whether you're doing what it takes to change.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

MrsLezard said:


> I am K my husband is Lz and we've been together 7 years. He's my husband and I'm his wife. He's my forever and I'm his Always.
> At least until a few years ago....
> Once royally screwed my marriage up. When I should've been pursuing my husband I was pursuing something else(not another person). I constantly lied to him and made him feel: invalid, inferior. and worthless. Something I promised I wouldn't because he'd grown up being led to believe he was all those things when he is not. He's the most kind hearted man I have ever known.
> And every time I lied and broke promises, I told him it wouldn't happen again. But it did. So now, when I've pulled my head out of my a**, he has so much resentment in his heart towards me, our marriage is in a trench. I get that I hurt him. And I wish I could do it over again and do it right. But i can't. We're here at this point and i have no idea what to do. I miss being able to make him smile and laugh.
> What should i do to save my marriage.....


You're not saying what this "something else" is that you pursued. 

The way you say you lied/broke promises/went back to it, raises the question as to whether it was some sort of substance abuse or other addictive issue. Was it? The method for dealing with something like this might be different than dealing with other problems.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I just sent @MrsLezard a PM. I hope she's OK.


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