# He forgot...



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Yesterday my husband forgot to buy me anything for V-Day. The night before we were at the grocery store, and we spent like twenty minutes looking at flowers; me pointing to the ones I really liked, him pointing out the ones he really liked. And I knew he was planning on bringing me flowers to V-day. He got off of work early and was so excited about not working until five, that he rushed home, forgetting that he was going to surprise me with beautiful flowers. Other people may not care about flowers, but I was really excited to see what he would bring me. 

Admittedly, I was pretty hurt. And angry. He made it up to me, but I have to be honest...it didn't feel like Valentine's Day yesterday.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

They way you've explained it...sounds like a fumble. I'm not sure about your situation with your H but seems like he tried but just had a brain fart.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Is he a good husband, loving and affectionate? Does he show these things at other times? From what you describe, he was all excited about being able to come home early to spend time with YOU - that's a good thing!

I wouldn't get too hung up on a calendar day unless it has some kind of specific relevance to the two of you. 

After year one, we decided we'd rather not spend triple the $ on flowers for V Day since most places jack up the prices for that day and instead spend more on our anniversary which has a lot more personal meaning.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

C2W-

What did you get him??


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

It was a fumble. A painful one, but I'm a bit too sensitive sometimes. And he really did feel horrible, which helped me get over it. But it was an emotional day, and not all of them good emotions. 

As for what I got him...exactly what he wanted me to get him.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

TCSRedhead said:


> Is he a good husband, loving and affectionate? Does he show these things at other times? From what you describe, he was all excited about being able to come home early to spend time with YOU - that's a good thing!


Oh, definitely! I was excited to see him too, but there are only three days a year I expect flowers: our anniversary, my birthday and Valentine's Day. But it wasn't an intentional lapse of memory. Still, it was difficult to take yesterday. 

And yes, he's a good husband. We're working on the affection and things, but he tries. 



> I wouldn't get too hung up on a calendar day unless it has some kind of specific relevance to the two of you.
> 
> After year one, we decided we'd rather not spend triple the $ on flowers for V Day since most places jack up the prices for that day and instead spend more on our anniversary which has a lot more personal meaning.


I didn't want him to spend a lot. In fact, the flowers we looked at were the pretty single roses. I didn't like the fancy boquets much anyway, and he knew that. So I guess knowing that my expectations were...well, more than reasonable, made it harder. 
We still had an okay night, but it wasn't the way we had thought it would go.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

I'm sorry about your day yesterday Glad he made it up to you.

Mine got me nothing as well. He says he was so busy with work that he just didn't have the time. Really? You had time to go pick up things YOU needed from the store, you could have spared a second to pick a flower from outside, or order an e-card. Or draw a heart on a piece of paper and say "I love you so much" He KNEW I was getting him something, because I gave him his gift a week ago (it couldn't wait until V-Day) and then I felt so bad about him not having anything ON THE DAY that I bought him a few more little gifts.

I just felt SO unconsidered yesterday. This has been getting worse and worse every birthday, V-Day and Anniversary. He's not a jerk, and he's terrible at planning things, but he's able to remember his work deadlines, and things like that. So am I so wrong for feeling hurt?

Love him a lot though (the jerk).


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

My wife is so mad at me. I remembered but all I got her with a card I couldn't figure out anything else to buy. So I bought a storm door and she is so angry with me. I think the main thing is that she is mad that I waited to the last minute to get anything. And it doesn't seem like I put much thought into it. She is so mad!


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## lalsr1988 (Apr 16, 2012)

My wife and I didn't get each other anything for Valentine's day, and never really have. We said Happy Valentine's to each other and shared a special moment and that was it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

When he got home without the flowers, you could have said "well honey, join me in the car, I'm taking us back to the flower shop to pick up the ones I like and you still get the credit for it". Then go together to get the flowers and stop by Baskin Robbins to eat a sugary treat together on the way home.

By getting so upset about not getting flowers, you are showing your loving husband that you will take away love from him just for forgetting something. Why would you want him to have that skewed idea?


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> When he got home without the flowers, you could have said "well honey, join me in the car, I'm taking us back to the flower shop to pick up the ones I like and you still get the credit for it". Then go together to get the flowers and stop by Baskin Robbins to eat a sugary treat together on the way home.
> 
> By getting so upset about not getting flowers, you are showing your loving husband that you will take away love from him just for forgetting something. Why would you want him to have that skewed idea?


I think it's valid to feel hurt by blatant shows on inconsideration. It's not like she punished him for it, she just told him her feelings were hurt.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

How is simply forgetting "blatant inconsideration"?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Try not to feel too bad ...I know it's easy for me to say...I'm one who wouldn't care about the flowers. 










Did he offer some thoughts to why it slipped his mind, did he acknowledge your hurt... apologize for missing it? Do you feel he is trying to make up for it ...in some way? 

I can be sensitive too sometimes, It's almost a blessing I don't care about flowers & jewelry... For me... it's about some affection & some Lovin' - kinda any other day ...but it still works. 

*Our V-day*..... All my husband did yesterday was work on a computer desk for our son..it's what I wanted him to do though....anxious to get the room put back together....

He was swearing up a storm for a minute for breaking something on it.... I walked in there, and he was still swearing... I felt bad but I never took it personal... he comes out about 10 minutes later all apologetic for going off on me like that, telling me how precious I am and I didn't deserve that.......and I just started laughing... because really... it was very sweet that it bothered him so much...even though I thought ...seriously...nothing of it. 

I'd have to say that was our sweetest moment of our day between us...I just hugged him real tight for being so loving..


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

The best way to remember Valentine's Day (or birthdays, or whatever) - is to forget it once ...


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> How is simply forgetting "blatant inconsideration"?


The fact that he wouldn't consider his wife's feelings (on a day designed to show love for one another) important enough to remember is pretty darn inconsiderate to me.

Of course many people don't like V-Day, and that's fine if both people agree. But if one person really appreciates the show of love on this day, it would be inconsiderate of the other person to just ignore them.

Just my opinion, anyway!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

He didn't "just ignore" her, he simply forgot. She also says he "made it up to her".

If it was blatant inconsideration, I would be the first to say that she has every right to be upset. But it wasn't. He was happy he got off work early and rushed home and in the process forgot to stop and buy flowers. 

My point was, she wanted the flowers, so why not get them both back into the car and go get the flowers together and then stop and get a treat together (ie: a mini-date). That way she still gets what she wants AND she doesn't punish him for simply forgetting.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> He didn't "just ignore" her, he simply forgot. She also says he "made it up to her".
> 
> If it was blatant inconsideration, I would be the first to say that she has every right to be upset. But it wasn't. He was happy he got off work early and rushed home and in the process forgot to stop and buy flowers.
> 
> My point was, she wanted the flowers, so why not get them both back into the car and go get the flowers together and then stop and get a treat together (ie: a mini-date). That way she still gets what she wants AND she doesn't punish him for simply forgetting.


I see what you mean, that in her instance he DID consider her, and just forgot. That's understandable, and I'm positive she was understanding too on one level.

But she is still valid to feel hurt by it. Most women hate when their man waits until the very last second to get something for them because it makes them feel unconsidered. It's like how my husband will put weeks of thought into how to best take care of a business deadline weeks in advance, to make the perfect presentation by the day, but he can't put the same hard thought into a special day for me. It would make me feel like he considered me less than his work.

You're right that he shouldn't be "punished", but letting him know "hey, that kinda hurt my feelings" isn't punishment.

And your solution sounds lovely and would work for a good amount of people, for a lot of women it's not the actual item we care about, it's the feeling that we were considered well beforehand on a special day.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Try not to feel too bad ...I know it's easy for me to say...I'm one who wouldn't care about the flowers.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't feel bad about it now. For about an hour or two yesterday, though, it was pretty tough. He did apologize, and he felt really, really bad. His reason was that he was expecting to work overtime yesterday until 5, and he was going to go the store, buy me flowers, and come home. But his boss let him off early, and he was so excited about not working til 5 that the flowers totally slipped his mind. Which, if there were any reason to forget the flowers, that would be the best one to offer. 

And yes, he acknowledged my hurt. And yes, he made up for it. 



> I can be sensitive too sometimes, It's almost a blessing I don't care about flowers & jewelry... For me... it's about some affection & some Lovin' - kinda any other day ...but it still works.


I'm this way all the rest of the year, except for my birthday, our anniversary(which is the most important) and V-day.



> *Our V-day*..... All my husband did yesterday was work on a computer desk for our son..it's what I wanted him to do though....anxious to get the room put back together....
> 
> He was swearing up a storm for a minute for breaking something on it.... I walked in there, and he was still swearing... I felt bad but I never took it personal... he comes out about 10 minutes later all apologetic for going off on me like that, telling me how precious I am and I didn't deserve that.......and I just started laughing... because really... it was very sweet that it bothered him so much...even though I thought ...seriously...nothing of it.
> 
> I'd have to say that was our sweetest moment of our day between us...I just hugged him real tight for being so loving..


It's taken me a lot of time and effort to adjust my marital expectations, and to accept his lack of romanticism. It's tough, because I feel like it requires me to let go of parts of myself, parts that have always been there. But I've done a great job(my husband would say this as well) and was, in fact, one of the reasons he felt so bad yesterday. Because he can tell that I've changed so much, and he was excited to do something romantic for me for a change. So to drop the ball like that, he felt bad. 

I expressed my feelings, and he assured me that they were valid. So he took me to the jewelry store and told me to pick out whatever I wanted within a certain price range, and he bought it for me. Which, honestly, was much more meaningful than the flowers anyway.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

And to be clear, I didn't punish him. I had my moment of letting out my hurt feelings(I cried), and he held me and cried with me, and then I let it go. And we came up with a solution.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Created2Write said:


> His reason was that he was expecting to work overtime yesterday until 5, and he was going to go the store, buy me flowers, and come home. But his boss let him off early, and *he was so excited about not working til 5 that the flowers totally slipped his mind.* Which, if there were any reason to forget the flowers, that would be the best one to offer.


 If I must say so myself, I think his excuse is pretty damn sweet ! :smthumbup:



> And yes, he acknowledged my hurt. And yes, he made up for it. .....
> I expressed my feelings, and he assured me that they were valid.* So he took me to the jewelry store and told me to pick out whatever I wanted within a certain price range, and he bought it for me. Which, honestly, was much more meaningful than the flowers anyway.*


This played out pretty nicely then....with his momentary forgetting...

There has been many times in my life, some blunder happened... (usually not involving my husband - but something else)...and I was furious at the time, bent out of shape.... then because of how it played out... I ended up thanking my lucky







's in hindsight, I couldn't have even planned it better. 

So what piece of Valentines Jewelry did you pick out Created2Write?


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

I would love if my wife would let me take her to the jewelry store and pick out what she wanted......she is just too made at me for me even to suggest it!


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

How is this for a text message?

"Please meet me at the jewelry store of your choice to pick out whatever you want. I love you and I am sorry I disappointed you."


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

cavenger said:


> My wife is so mad at me. I remembered but all I got her with a card I couldn't figure out anything else to buy. So I bought a storm door and she is so angry with me.


Not trying to threadjack, but a storm door?


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: He forgot...*



alte Dame said:


> Not trying to threadjack, but a storm door?


I already know I screwed up.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

C2W - There's a well-known memory phenomenon that essentially allows us to check something off the mental list before the date, but then forget it on the date. So, for instance, you might remind yourself that your mother's birthday is coming up and you congratulate yourself for remembering, but then the day comes and passes and you've essentially forgotten it on the day.

Perhaps because you and your H talked about it the day before, he did that mental check-off and then his mind missed it the next day.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I feel sad that this guy has managed your expectations down so much. 

People generally do not forget what is important to them. Guys waiting outside the store for the latest phone, game release, gadget, buddies bachelor party, meetings at work, etc.

You really do have a right to get your wants and needs met and not just watered down versions. If you accept scraps, that is just what you will get.

My late husband was the best at V day. He always went all out with flowers, dinner, candy. One year he surprised me with a bird!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"And to be clear, I didn't punish him. I had my moment of letting out my hurt feelings(I cried)..."

This is punishing him. You don't think a man seeing his wife cry over something like this reads to him as punishment? You don't think your crying was supposed to make him feel bad? And making him feel bad isn't punishment?

Some men would consider this outright emotional manipulation.

When you (or any wife) has a loving and devoted husband (such as yours, by your own admission), I just think it is pretty harsh to place this type of emotional burden on them over something that was clearly a moment of forgetfulness.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Faithful Wife said:


> "And to be clear, I didn't punish him. I had my moment of letting out my hurt feelings(I cried)..."
> 
> This is punishing him. You don't think a man seeing his wife cry over something like this reads to him as punishment? You don't think your crying was supposed to make him feel bad? And making him feel bad isn't punishment?
> 
> ...


So you are saying she should have stuffed her feelings down and pretended not to be hurt when she was?

That is pretty dishonest.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I already said what she could have done. Ask him to join her on a mini-date to the store to buy together the flowers she wanted, and stop for a treat together on the way home.

If she was "that hurt" about him simply forgetting that she was crying about it, then IMO, she needs to examine what those feelings were about. How could him simply making an honest forgetful mistake upset her so much that she would cry and need to be held?

Remember that no one else can "make" you feel or do anything.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If I must say so myself, I think his excuse is pretty damn sweet ! :smthumbup:


It was, and I even thought so when I was upset. I told him, "If there was any reason to forget flowers, being so excited to see me would be the reason I would choose 100% of the time." It helped him feel a bit better.



> This played out pretty nicely then....with his momentary forgetting...
> 
> There has been many times in my life, some blunder happened... (usually not involving my husband - but something else)...and I was furious at the time, bent out of shape.... then because of how it played out... I ended up thanking my lucky
> 
> ...


I picked a gorgeous necklace on a silver chain, with a lot of small cubic zerconias, I think. It's sparkly.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> "And to be clear, I didn't punish him. I had my moment of letting out my hurt feelings(I cried)..."
> 
> This is punishing him. You don't think a man seeing his wife cry over something like this reads to him as punishment? You don't think your crying was supposed to make him feel bad? And making him feel bad isn't punishment?
> 
> ...


He still caused her pain, intentional or not, and that pain shouldn't always be swept under the rug so he doesn't feel "punished".

If feelings are talked about with the sole purpose to cause harm to the other, or to get a certain reaction, or mean words were used, THEN I could see what you mean, for sure!

And I understand the concept of withholding certain feelings for the others benefit, but sometimes if you cannot reconcile those feelings with yourself, it's far better to be respectfully open and honest with our SO's rather than holding it in. That's were many marital problems start. Better to get it out in the open and deal with it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"It's far better to be respectfully open and honest with our SO's when they hurt us (un-intentionially or not) than to hold it in."

Sure, talking about it is fine. Why the need to cry? Other than to punish him, I can't understand that.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

cavenger said:


> How is this for a text message?
> 
> "Please meet me at the jewelry store of your choice to pick out whatever you want. I love you and I am sorry I disappointed you."


That's lovely, and she may well enjoy it!

The only problem I would see with it is, there's no "personal touch" from you. You didn't hand select anything, and she's picking her own jewelry. Is there a way to make this experience more personal between you and her?

But then, I hate jewelry, so she may very well like picking her own 

You are so sweet making it up to her!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I disagree with you Faithful Wife. Yes, it was a brain fart, no it wasn't intentional at all, yes he felt badly. But she had rightfully come to hope for a gesture in the form of a flower or two and he let her down. Showing her disappointment was being authentic and honest. Pouting today and through the weekend... that's taking it too far and is intentionally manipulating.

Valentines Day! Men hate it. They hate it because they are pressured to come up with the appropriate acknowledgement or token to romance. And even when they plan to do what they know will bring them the kind of response they hope to see, life happens and sometimes the plan doesn't work out.

I have come to hate Valentines day too. Each year, for the past 28, no matter how I talk myself down off that cliff of hope or expectations, I secretly harbor a desire that he will do something. And once again I have been unsuccessful in keeping myself in check in order to avoid disappointment. 

But, in the beginning when he failed to come up with a flower or two I put on the brave face and pretended it didn't matter. Year after year after year. I taught him that it didn't matter and now I have a well trained husband who thinks I am unaffected by his thoughtlessness. I did it to myself. So I don't think Created2Write should hide her feeling in order to spare her husband. He screwed up a little, but it affected her. He needs to understand this so it isn't repeated for the next 28 years.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> "It's far better to be respectfully open and honest with our SO's when they hurt us (un-intentionially or not) than to hold it in."
> 
> Sure, talking about it is fine. Why the need to cry? Other than to punish him, I can't understand that.


Sometimes when you're hurt, you cry. Sometimes you _can't_ hold it back. Sometimes you need to cry to get the full extent of your emotions out, otherwise some of the hurt is left in your mind (which causes resentment) It depends on what kind of person you are, some women don't need to cry at all. I doubt she cried with the intent to make him feel bad.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Tigger said:


> I feel sad that this guy has managed your expectations down so much.


I used to feel that way, but I'm actually really content now. My husband isn't a naturally romantic guy. Doing romantic things aren't natural for him. Expecting him to be romantic often is unrealistic. I'll be disappointed all the time. So, instead, I've asked him to focus on showing me affection and giving me words of admiration on a continuous basis. Those two things are more important than romance, anyway. 

So the expectations that were lowered were my unrealistic ones.



> People generally do not forget what is important to them. Guys waiting outside the store for the latest phone, game release, gadget, buddies bachelor party, meetings at work, etc.


My husband doesn't have a great memory to begin with. He struggles with remembering his families birthdays, and he sure as heck doesn't remember game releases. lol. Work yes, because that's really, really important. Rent is more important than flowers. And this is the first time he's forgotten something like this. 

Granted, I definitely felt validated at being upset, but I know he didn't forget intentionally. And his forgetting doesn't mean I'm not a priority, or that I'm not important to him. 



> You really do have a right to get your wants and needs met and not just watered down versions. If you accept scraps, that is just what you will get.


I agree. I'm not getting watered down scraps, I'm getting realistic, adult versions of my teenage fantasies. Including yesterday. I was upset, yes. I had a right to be, yes. But people make mistakes, and it's something I have to deal with. And I think we dealt with it in a mature way. He owned his mistake 110%, and apologized and then made it up to me. I expressed my feelings without punishing him for it, and I was able to work through my hurt feelings, forgive him and move on. 



> My late husband was the best at V day. He always went all out with flowers, dinner, candy. One year he surprised me with a bird!


That's really sweet.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Created2Write: Your husband sounds like a really sweet, loving guy. I'm so glad he was there for you when you felt hurt!! :smthumbup: That's true love right there!


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> "And to be clear, I didn't punish him. I had my moment of letting out my hurt feelings(I cried)..."
> 
> This is punishing him. You don't think a man seeing his wife cry over something like this reads to him as punishment? You don't think your crying was supposed to make him feel bad? And making him feel bad isn't punishment?
> 
> ...


Your opinion. He didn't feel that way, which is what matters. I wouldn't judge any woman for crying if her husband forgot to get her flowers, regardless of the reason(except if a family member was dying or something). Emotional manipulation, imo, would be if she decided to make the night horrible. Which I didn't do.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Ok...so I am the "woman" in our relationship (Myers-Briggs INFP) so I am the one who is usually disappointed when my wife forgets things like that so I understand. However, I have learned from over forty years of marriage that on the very rare instances that it happens, it is nothing personal. There are guys on here that hate V day. There are wives that are married to guys that NEVER buy them flowers or do anything romantic. We all blow it from time to time so give him a break. From what I have read from you, you guys have a great relationship. So take a deep breath and forgive him. (I didn't say it was easy, but do it anyway).

Oh, and by the way, neither one of us forgot this year :smthumbup:.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Tigger said:


> So you are saying she should have stuffed her feelings down and pretended not to be hurt when she was?
> 
> That is pretty dishonest.


I agree with this. Getting my feelings out by way of crying helped me to feel better. The anger was gone within moments. I didn't have to deal with being upset, and not being able to express it. My husband knows I'm emotional. I cry at Disney movies. lol. After I was done crying we were able to find a solution. 

The important thing is that my husband didn't feel punished. And I also don't believe that my emotions were a form of punishment.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Trenton said:


> My husband had two things delivered to my work. The first being a lot of roses and the second being an Aerogarden which was quirky as I had mentioned I wanted one a few days before. No idea how he had it shipped so quickly.
> 
> My co-workers opened the second as they thought it was an auction item and were too excited to see what it was. That sort of blew the surprise aspect...hahaha.
> 
> ...


I agree. I got over it yesterday.  I'm pretty sure he'll surprise me at some point with flowers.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

Cavenger,

Seriously? A storm door... pry tell, you didn't buy her a drill last Christmas? Or a floor jack?


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> "It's far better to be respectfully open and honest with our SO's when they hurt us (un-intentionially or not) than to hold it in."
> 
> Sure, talking about it is fine. Why the need to cry? Other than to punish him, I can't understand that.


I'm an emotionally sensitive person. I don't always cry when I'm upset or disappointed, but sometimes I do, particularly if I feel forgotten about. You may not be as emotional as I am, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong for not being like you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I know how you feel. I felt that way my whole marriage.

Ironically, he brought me a mushy card yesterday and quite frankly, it meant shet, especially after what he pulled last night.

So...I'd rather have a GOOD relationship with love and communication and respect, then all the material crap in the WORLD.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I forgave him yesterday. And while picking out my own jewelry wasn't romantic, it was a solution to our situation. It didn't feel like Valentine's Day because the surprise/romance factor was missing, but it was still a special day and I was spoiled in the end.  And yes, I do have a great husband. 

Meeting my needs has been an issue of his at times, and he's done so much better the last few months. So that's probably why this fluke hurt as much as it did; it was the first time he'd forgotten me in the last few months. But it wasn't intentional or an act of laziness, which is why I was able to get over it. We both have come a long way.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Valentines Day! Men hate it. .


This man does not hate it and I know many men who also don't hate it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's just a day. Honestly, just one day full of pressure and disappointment. I don't even celebrate now, except for the children.

I was spoiled yesterday though...but not by him. 

But one day out of all the days? Psh. Lame. If he's awesome the rest of the year, then it's good.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Been there.

My H is not a thoughtful guy in this area, so yes I have learned to manage my expectations. What else can you do, really? This issue alone doesn't seem divorce-worthy.

I remember one year he just unilaterally decided we weren't celebrating valentines day
..without telling me. He just thought I wouldn't care. Truth is, we never much beyond a card and thoughtful note for each other - but that hurt me that he just didn't bother. Then, to attempt to make it up to me, he tried to go to the store and get a card the day after valentines day, but all the v-day cards were already gone from the shelves. So he bought a birthday card instead, scratched out the birthday part and put valentines day istrad. Ugh. For some reason that felt like rubbing salt in a wound to me.

I always tell him the thought and planning mean more to me than anything. Show me you took some time out of your day to think of me. I hate getting a card that he obviously bought five mins before giving it to me, but he still does it.

Yesterday, bless his heart, he attempted to rush around on his lunch break to pick up flowers for me. When he got them home to put them in a vase, they all fell apart like the stems must have been broken. He didn't have enough time to go back to the store because he had to get back to work. So, he called me at the end of the day an made an excuse about having to work late and asked me if I could pick up our kids from daycare (I work very far away and it is a 2 hour trip for me) so I said ok, and got stuck in traffic on the way home so the journey really took three hours. Got home exhausted and irritated and he had flowers for me...I thanked him, but then wanted to chill on the couch and he was upset that I wasn't overflowing with joy about the flowers, completely oblivious to the drive I just had. Poor guY.

I hate valentines day for that reason...feels like its never truly enjoyable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> I cry at Disney movies. lol.


Ya...me too.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband is not a "Valentines Day" kinda guy. I get it. We've been married for almost 13 years together for 14, we know each other very well. In all those years he's gotten me gifts on 3 Valentines Day. The first two were jewelry in the first few years of our marriage(which I didn't need). My 3rd gift was 2 days ago he had a beautiful dozen roses sent to our home. I was quite surprised since we very rarely exchange gifts with each other(we don't exchange on birthday or anniversary). I never get upset when he doesn't get me anything and the same goes for him. He does so much for me on a daily basis and I never heard a complaint from him in the last 14 years. I honestly don't know how he does it. For 10 out of 13 years I did not receive any gifts, but honestly I'd rather that the money we save on gifts will be saved for our future when he retires. 

Yesterday I wrote my husband a surprise Valentines letter explaining how much we appreciate his hard work, support and dedication for the kids and I with a few other things. I have the most amazing husband that is my ultimate best friend and I let him know that. The support I receive from my husband is phenomenal. He puts so much effort into our marriage without any expectations. That letter really had touched him deeply which I was quite surprised. He thanked me with the most amazing words and that conversation meant more to me then any gift I have ever received.

I'm very sorry you were disappointed with his forgetfulness. Your husband loves you very much to make it up to you in a very big way.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

That_girl and kag: I'm sorry your V-days were horrible and disappointing.  Everyone deserves to feel loved and spoiled on V-day.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My husband is not a "Valentines Day" kinda guy. I get it. We've been married for almost 13 years together for 14, we know each other very well. In all those years he's gotten me gifts on 3 Valentines Day. The first two were jewelry in the first few years of our marriage(which I didn't need). My 3rd gift was 2 days ago he had a beautiful dozen roses sent to our home. I was quite surprised since we very rarely exchange gifts with each other(we don't exchange on birthday or anniversary). I never get upset when he doesn't get me anything and the same goes for him. He does so much for me on a daily basis and I never heard a complaint from him in the last 14 years. I honestly don't know how he does it. For 10 out of 13 years I did not receive any gifts, but honestly I'd rather that the money we save on gifts will be saved for our future when he retires.
> 
> Yesterday I wrote my husband a surprise Valentines letter explaining how much we appreciate his hard work, support and dedication for the kids and I with a few other things. I have the most amazing husband that is my ultimate best friend and I let him know that. The support I receive from my husband is phenomenal. He puts so much effort into our marriage without any expectations. That letter really had touched him deeply which I was quite surprised. He thanked me with the most amazing words and that conversation meant more to me then any gift I have ever received.
> 
> I'm very sorry you were disappointed with his forgetfulness. Your husband loves you very much to make it up to you in a very big way.


I am very different. I love my husband to death, and he does do a lot for us by working hard at a job that he hates and being willing to put himself through school. He knows I appreciate him because I tell him often. Just like he appreciates all the effort I put into making healthy food choices for us, learning how to cook, keeping the laundry done and our apartment clean, etc. But that doesn't mean either one of us doesn't deserve to feel extra special a few times a year.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

kag123 said:


> Been there.
> 
> My H is not a thoughtful guy in this area, so yes I have learned to manage my expectations. What else can you do, really? This issue alone doesn't seem divorce-worthy.
> 
> ...


And men wonder why they don't get laid
:rofl:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Created2Write said:


> I'm an emotionally sensitive person. I don't always cry when I'm upset or disappointed, but sometimes I do, particularly if I feel forgotten about. You may not be as emotional as I am, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong for not being like you.


I can't help but throw this on here.. It just seems so relevant...

Taken from one of my Temperament books>>



> "Different Drums for Different Drummers"
> 
> If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
> 
> ...


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks for posting that SA. Wise words there, I think. I liked that a lot.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> That_girl and kag: I'm sorry your V-days were horrible and disappointing.  Everyone deserves to feel loved and spoiled on V-day.


My Valentine's Day was lovely  Best one I've had in years. I was just referring to him giving me that card, then pulling some shet at the end of the night while I was out that was no bueno.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I haven't gotten anything for V-day in years. But, I expect that. I know he doesn't have money.. so.. Bleh.. Not really caring. I got him a card & thats all, because it's been years since he got me anything, so I figured he wouldn't want me to spend a lot on him & make him feel bad.

Ended up that I treated the family for chinese dinner out. He seemed appreciative.

The storm door made me laugh!! Gosh, If it was something that was needed on our house, I would have loved it/appreciated it. But, I go for more of the practical kind of gifts.


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## Malcolm38 (Dec 25, 2012)

I think the OP has every right to be honest and express herself. So good for them working it out like that. It's better than letting things fester. 


As an aside, the more I learn about women and the whole Valentines day the more I realize I don't know much.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Malcolm38 said:


> the more I learn about women and the whole Valentines day the more I realize I don't know much.


Admit it... isn't it more like: "The more I learn about women the more I realize I don't know much" ?? Does it really have anything to do with Valentines day?

I thought Not! LOL. (just kidding)


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

The worlds shortest book is the Amish phone book. Only slightly larger is the book, " What Men Know About Women."

:rofl:


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

Well ....asked my wife to meet me at jewelry store ....she said she has been crying all day and is going to bed. It's gonna be a fun weekend.


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## time2heal (Jun 13, 2012)

My husband didn't get me anything for Valentines day either. He has a crazy busy work schedule (but lots of days off) so the days he works he only has time to go to work, come home, sleep, and repeat. Valentine's Day landed on his working day this year.

While I completely understand, I would be lying if I said I am not a little hurt by his actions.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Created2Write

Heh well at least he didn't buy you something that made you go crazy and start a fight like what I did! Lol


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

cavenger said:


> Well ....asked my wife to meet me at jewelry store ....she said she has been crying all day and is going to bed. It's gonna be a fun weekend.


I'm sorry to hear that  Have you validated her feelings about it yet? Despite her not receiving your idea well, I'm POSITIVE it counted to her. Keep it up, you're doing good!

Maybe you could take the storm door and spray paint a giant heart on it, along with an "I'm sorry", then hang a giant list from it with 100 different ways you love her?  

Also, surprising her with a date in which you plan everything to the littlest detail is incredibly romantic to a lot of women (shows the effort + consideration). My husband did that for our first anniversary long ago. He planned ice skating, then we went to a wedding convention (cake samples!!!), a walk through a park, and finally a very romantic dinner in which we had to dress up. ROMANTIC PERFECT STORM!


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

@RD: True. There was no fight.  And yesterday he came home with flowes; a vase, some white lilies, some pink roses and some of those really tiny white flowers I can never remember the name of...all for like, seven bucks. I told him, "Dang, that's so cheap, maybe you should wait to buy me flowers until the day after V-day every year!"


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Created2Write said:


> And yesterday he came home with flowes; a vase, some white lilies, some pink roses and some of those really tiny white flowers I can never remember the name of...all for like, seven bucks. I told him, "Dang, that's so cheap, maybe you should wait to buy me flowers until the day after V-day every year!"


You women would think I am CRAZY...









I told my husband a long time ago, if he wants to get my flowers, I'd prefer him to go in the back yard & pick them ... To me, it's just a waste of $$ - I think I told him one year I'd rather take the kids to McDonalds on what he could spend on 

I also remember telling him he could buy me a *TREE*... he told me to go buy my own Tree....One year I went out & bought 5 Red buds & had them planted by the time he got home. 

One requirement I have with flowers is ... they have to have roots, or I would probably bi*ch about it. 

It's no wonder he doesn't give me gifts. I'm happy shopping together after the fact. So long as he keeps me wrapped in his affection.. surprises me with Pleasure &







... I'm happy!


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> You women would think I am CRAZY...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree: I'm pretty much the same way.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Dang....that's tough.  I'm sorry Satya. That really, really sucks.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

ComicBookLady said:


> I think it's valid to feel hurt by blatant shows on inconsideration. It's not like she punished him for it, she just told him her feelings were hurt.


I bought my H a card like I do every year. this year I thought I old include an homemade coupon for a full body massage. I got a comment on the card and a request to redeem part of the coupon. he knew I was planning something. I told him. That is blatant inconsideration.


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