# Had my first IC session



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

I posted this in the Experiences with Counseling section, but there's not much activity over there:

It's not what I expected. Seems like I did most of the talking. Is this common for the first session? She did say that I was doing everything "right" as far as handling the separation. My H is going to her next week for IC and if he is on board, then we will start MC. 

I just want to make sure I didn't pick a poor counselor. She was referred by my doctor's office.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Usually the first couple sessions you do a lot of talking so they get to know you and your situation. Give it at least 3 sessions before you make a decision. That gives you time to feel the counselor out too. 

I'm very happy your husband is open to this. 

I'm proud of you for going. 

BTW, my little sister is Jenny too. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

I agree with Sad, give it at least a couple sessions before you decide. I actually did most of the talking for months in my IC until i decided to shift from b*tching about my ex to putting the focus on myself and how i wanted to improve


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jenny,

A good counselor is one that will challenge you.

You're there to grow and to get another perspective on yourself and your behavior/prejudices.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Should it matter that my counselor is divorced?


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

That's one thing I didn't like about all the counselors I've seen in the past is that I did all the talking. I was there for guidance, but didn't seem to get it until this last therapist. I felt really positive as she had a plan after the first session. Sad thing is I had to stop seeing for insurance reasons. I would love to ho back as I think she had some valuable input for me.

Think positive that this will work. At least he's receptive to the whole idea. That's a major obstacle with most of us is getting tne spouse to go to MC.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

As for the counselor being a divorcee', I think it might help to give you both perspective that may not have been considered before.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

It's good that you did most of the talking. The session is about you, after all. A counselor who does most of the talking is a bad counselor.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

lamaga said:


> It's good that you did most of the talking. The session is about you, after all. A counselor who does most of the talking is a bad counselor.


Agreed. IMO, you don't get any real personal growth from someone telling you what they think you need to do. You get personal growth from realizing yourself what you need to do. And, IMO, the best counselors are able to get you to do that with some well placed questions. It's the process of answering their question that reveals the truth to you.

Plus, the counselor doesn't know what the real inner issues are for you until you've talked some. The direction you take in your talking often reveals where the real problems are, as opposed to the symptoms of the problems.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jenny123 said:


> Should it matter that my counselor is divorced?


No


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