# I think he may be screwing with me again



## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

If you remember from my original post, after becoming separated I had coffee with another man. Well, my husband had somehow found out about it immediately and even found out the man's full name and phone number. Now, all I ever did with this man was talk on the phone a few times and have coffee with him once. When my husband told me that he knew about the guy that I was seeing, I had no idea what he was talking about. Then one say he incorporated his name into a related discussion. I then realized that my husband thought that I was in some sort of relationship with this person. He even accused me of leaving him for another man, of which I did not. It angered me so much, as he was talking to about four different women at the time and taking them out to restaurants, movie theater's, and taking them on motorcycle rides to the Keys. I never bothered him about his friendships, so why was he bothering me about having coffee with someone. Afterall, I told him when I left him that I had no intention of going back to him, and even desired to try to date and get on with my life immediately.

Anyway, that's beside the point. I had always wondered how he found out about my coffee date, and then the night before last he told me that my brother-in-law (who I live with) told him. He said that my own brother-in-law told him that he should move on right away, because there was another man. My husband said that my brother-in law even went so far as to tell him that it looked like he had gotten the better of the two sisters. How could my brother-in-law do that to me? He and my husband aren't even friends. They are not even close. How dare he. And, to exaggerate it and make it sound as though I were sleeping with someone else. I was livid.

Last night, I told my sister what my husband has told me about her husband. As I expected, she angrily defended her husband going on and on about how her husband would never do something like that, adding that he always refuses to get involved in anyone's business. She said that she believed that my husband was playing mind games with me again. She brought up several things that he has done through out our separation, such as hiding behind semi-trucks and watching me while I was at work, driving by my house at night to see if I was home, calling to pretend that he needed to ask me a question just to find out if I was home, showing up at my therapy appointments, showing up at the particular bar I was at one night, obtaining my phone records, etc. She said that he was stalking me, and may have also had someone following me, as his friend is a private investigator. She said that she thinks that my husband wants me to be mad and not trust the people that I live with, so that I will move back home, as I have nowhere else to go. She also said that if he can pin it on Mark, then it will dismiss the idea that he had someone spying on me. I thought to myself, "Oh, my God!" What if she is right?

Does this mean that he would still be playing mind games with me?

I was just starting to believe him. What do I do now?


----------



## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Trust your sis and brother in law. You left your husband for a reason and putting your trust in him just seems counter productive.


----------



## iWonder (Jan 2, 2010)

Trust your sister. 
This is a strategy of an abuser. Just look how successful his one little lie has been: it has caused you considerable grief and anxiety and, at least temporarily, stripped you of your support system/people in this trying time.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't understand. If you are both seeing other people, why are you married and why do you care who tells him what?

But, if he IS spying and trying to seed discord--as it seems--you need to stop all contact, maybe get a restraining order. Creepy stuff. What's next? I don't even want to know.


----------



## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

I am not sure if we were actually seeing other people. I had not considered any friendships I have had with any guys as "dating" any of them, and I did have a couple of guy friends. 
I bartend at night, after I get home from my day job, and you tend to meet a lot of guys at the bar. 

I did have one buddy who thought we were on a date when I went fishing on his boat, but I quickly corrected his perception of the day. Although I really wanted to be able to, as I wanted to start a new life and forget about the last ten years with my husband immediately, I couldn't bring myself to "date". It did not really have anything to do with feeling like I wanted my husband, or that I was doing something wrong, as I did not even consider giving our marriage a second try at the time. It's just that the idea of dating, when actually asked out on dates, seemed so foreign to me. I seemed wierd, or something.

Now, he says he never slept with any of the women he was seeing. I have considered the fact that he may be lying, but I did leave him, you know? We were supposed to be getting a divorce. As a matter of fact, our final hearing is scheduled for this coming Tuesday. I am not sure that I could really hold anything he may have done against him, and for some reason, the fact that he may have been with someone else during our separation does not really bother me. I worry about this too, because I feel like the idea of him being with another should cause some sort of heartache in me, or something.

Anyway, all of this is beside the point. I am trying very hard not to hold the way he treated me in the past against him. He used to play a lot of head games with me, but am trying to trust that he has changed. I just can't help always thinking that he might be trying to manipulate me, especially when others that I trust tell me he is. Then, there is the logical part of me that tells me not to jump to conclusions. The part that tells me that anything is possible, and that my brother-in-law may have actually betrayed me in a way.

I don't know what I am saying. I almost don't care whether or not my BIL was my husband's informant. I really just want to know what the truth is so I can decide whether, or not, I should continue to try to work things out with my husband.


----------



## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

*Re: He IS screwing with me*

When, my husband told me that my brother-in-law has been his little informant while separated, I told my sister what he said. She said that she new my BIL wasn't even speaking to my husband. She added that she believed that my H was bluffing to see if I would either offer up further information about my life while I have been away from him, or to get me to feel so uncomfortable living with my BIL that I go back home to live with him. 

Well, I confronted my BIL. I carefully asked him. I truthfully explained to him that whatever his answer was, I absolutely would not be upset with him, and I meant it. I expressed that the only reason I was asking was to determine whether or not my H was playing mind games again. I told him it was very important that I know the truth, because if my H was playing with my head, then I would surely not reconcile with him.

My BIL, swore to me that he never gave my H any info about me, and said that he never would. He told me that whenever my H would even ask where I was, when I was simply at the gas station, that he would always say he did not know. He became very mad that he had been placed in the middle, and wanted to confront my H immediately. I just asked him not to, and told him that I would handle it.

I don't know what to do now. I know that my H was trying to mess with my head. I was just beginning to think that maybe he had really been working on changing. I had recently started to feel a slight level of trust and comfort with him again, and then he does this.

I am angry. I am hurt. I am sick to my stomach. How dare he? Using my own family against me, ugh! How disgusting!

Tomorrow, I am supposed to go out of town with him for the weekend. I don't know what to do. I had been so confused. I now know what I need to do, but after seven months, have found that I allowed him to touch me emotionally again. It hurts all over again. How do I get myself back to where I was a few months ago. I was in a place of independence then. I did not want him. How do I get back there. It was so hard to get there in the first place. It took years.


----------

