# What I am thankful for....



## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

So for us here in the states, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Even though most of us are going or have gone through he!! this year, I'm sure there is something in our lives to be thankful for.

I thought maybe we could start a thread and post it here.

For me I am thankful for many things. My kids, my family, my oldest friends who welcomed me back into their lives like no time had passed this year, my everyday friends who were at my side the day after he left. My new job and the great people I have met there, my health, my lessons I'm learning, this forum and the wonderful people I have met here. Some of those people have gone on to become my friends on Facebook and I have got to know even better. I cherish all of you. 

I have many things to be thankful for, I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, no matter where you are.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am thankful for my family and my awesome parents.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm thankful for my job, my dogs and that I have a roof over my head.

Those are probably the most positive things I have to be thankful for at the moment.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

I am thankful for my friends, my dog, the roof over my head, my job, and that I am still breathing.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Although I live in Canada eh, I will partake in this as well!

I'm thankful for the new relationship with my kids, my friends and my family. I am especially thankful to have people in my life that are there for me, but do not enable (nor tolerate) my old habits when they happen to creep in at times.

I am also thankful for the road I have travelled in the last 29 years, although at times I may feel it could be better, I know it could be a lot worse. Which is why I'm also thankful for my resilience, regardless of how much kicking and screaming I have done. It has granted me the ability to be compassionate, empathetic, loving, stern and grounded. Which makes the future feel that much brighter, even on the darkest of days.

I'm also thankful for the Co-Parenting relationship I currently have with my ex wife, because without it my children may not have transitioned as well as they presently are. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am, it hasn't been easy and it might not be this way in the future. That doesn't mean I am not thankful for the present as it stands.

I cannot forget the gym, oh boy am I thankful for the gym!


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## confusedandwonderingman (Jul 7, 2013)

I am thankful for my family, friends and my pets. Also that I have a good job and roof over my head. I am also thankful that God is watching over us all and will guide us through our hard times.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Everyone is welcome to join in, even if you aren't celebrating tomorrow!!

Oh and after reading your posts so far I am also thankful for my home and my pets. Especially my poor dog who had spent many nights in the beginning listening to me and being the loyal companion to me that she is.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

confusedandwonderingman said:


> I am thankful for my family, friends and my pets. Also that I have a good job and roof over my head. I am also thankful that God is watching over us all and will guide us through our hard times.


Ditto this. :iagree:

Thanks SS, for this great thread! 

Though I'm not Catholic, I'm thankful also that the Catholic Church has an amazing liberal Pope who speaks truth to power  His recent 84-page "apostolic exhortation" is an impresssive and fascinating read, regardless of one's faith status. It is truly remarkable, and holds uplifting words of comfort and joy for those with hurting or broken hearts as well  

Evangelii Gaudium, Apostolic Exhortation of Pope Francis, 2013


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

I am thankful for my family (as dysfunctional as it is), my children, and my job. I am also thankful to have friends that are there for me and an extended family that love me.

I am thankful that God has given me another year of life and protected those that I love.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Awakening2012 said:


> Ditto this. :iagree:
> 
> Thanks SS, for this great thread!
> 
> ...


I agree, I am Catholic but except for sending my kids to CCD (my great uncle was a bishop and great aunt a nun, the kids had to go no matter what) I haven't been a participating Catholic in years. This pope is actually making me change my mind and thinking of going back to church


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK, but yesterday I had my first ever Thanksgiving meal, so I figured I'd post what I am thankful for.

I'm thankful for my family.
I'm thankful for my friends.
I'm thankful for my job.
I'm thankful for all of the lessons I've learned in life.
I'm thankful for my hands. (I'm paranoid about debilitating injuries to my hands)
I'm thankful for finding the comfort and freedom to be myself.
And, I'm thankful for all of you wonderful people here at TAM that help be get by every single day.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

It's after Thanksgiving, but I'm going to chime in anyway, because I'm thankful for many things.

- I'm thankful for my family and friends, who have all been very loving and supportive, even if they don't know exactly what to do/how to go about it. Just knowing that I am loved and cared for has been enough.
- I'm thankful for the TAM community: all the support and advice I've received, and the new friends I've made here, especially those who have become friends IRL.
- I'm thankful for my job, which has given me a sense of structure and stability when so many things in my life were uncertain, and because it gives me the financial resources to support myself.
- Related to my job, I'm thankful that I have a boss who has been super supportive this year, because he views me not just as an employee, but also as his friend, colleague, and mentee. (Is that a word?) I'm not sure if I will ever be able to express to him how much his support has meant to me this year.
- I'm thankful for easy-to-deal-with DC divorce laws, which have made this process easy, at least in the legal sense. And I'm grateful that modern divorce laws have made it possible for me to rectify the poor decision I made in marrying my STBXH 6 yrs ago.
- I'm thankful for my credit union, which gave me an awesome rate on a car loan, so I could get my Fiat, which I'm also super thankful for.
- I'm thankful for Mick, my sales associate at CarMax, who taught me how to drive a stick shift, so I could actually drive the Fiat.
- I'm thankful for my two kitties, who have been great through this whole process as well.
- I'm thankful for my sister, who is now one of my closest friends, even though we fought like cats and dogs when we were kids. We had a shared lightbulb moment a few years ago, and our relationship has been fantastic ever since.
- I'm thankful for my nieces, because thinking of them always brightens my day.
- I'm thankful for this entire experience, because as difficult and as heart-wrenching it has been, it has also been an amazing experience of learning and personal growth.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Thanksgiving may be over but this is the season for thankfulness and reflection so we can keep this thread going and post what we would like.

I know for myself these holidays are coinciding with the date that he left, January 2nd. On top of being thankful, I'm also reflecting on how far I have come in 11 months.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Thanksgiving may be over but this is the season for thankfulness and reflection so we can keep this thread going and post what we would like.
> 
> I know for myself these holidays are coinciding with the date that he left, January 2nd. On top of being thankful, I'm also reflecting on how far I have come in 11 months.


I think that's something to be thankful for. At least, it's something I'm thankful for.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> I think that's something to be thankful for. At least, it's something I'm thankful for.



January 2nd is quickly becoming a day I'm thankful for instead of a day I'm dreading.

Who would have though I would be saying that 11 months ago?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> January 2nd is quickly becoming a day I'm thankful for instead of a day I'm dreading.
> 
> Who would have though I would be saying that 11 months ago?


Preach it, sister! I feel the same way about February 10 (the day my STBXH moved out). It's now known as Freedom Day: The Day I Got My Life and My Sanity Back.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

September 2nd for me. Most days I'm thankful for it. Other days not so much.

Still, only been 3 months


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Lol thanks FIP. We adopted a cat in July and we weren't sure of her age because she was a rescue. The best the rescue group could tell us was she was under a year. From what we can figure she was probably born in January. The kids want to celebrate her birthday Jan. 2nd. They feel the cat is a positive outcome of him leaving because they always wanted one but he always said no. Making her birthday jan 2nd will put a positive spin on the day.

WWB - it's only been 3 months, it's still too soon. Lord knows I didn't feel this way after 3 months. When I was at the point you are now I was just beginning to get out of the horrible depression I was in. Give yourself time, just make sure you keep moving forward. A little at a time is just fine. Progress is progress no matter how small the steps are. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> September 2nd for me. Most days I'm thankful for it. Other days not so much.
> 
> Still, only been 3 months


From my personal experience - and from what I've heard from others on TAM and IRL - give it 6-9 more months. You'll get there. It just takes time.

*hugs*


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Lol thanks FIP. We adopted a cat in July and we weren't sure of her age because she was a rescue. The best the rescue group could tell us was she was under a year. From what we can figure she was probably born in January. The kids want to celebrate her birthday Jan. 2nd. They feel the cat is a positive outcome of him leaving because they always wanted one but he always said no. Making her birthday jan 2nd will put a positive spin on the day.


I think that sounds like a fantastic idea!



smallsteps said:


> WWB - it's only been 3 months, it's still too soon. Lord knows I didn't feel this way after 3 months. When I was at the point you are now I was just beginning to get out of the horrible depression I was in. Give yourself time, just make sure you keep moving forward. A little at a time is just fine. Progress is progress no matter how small the steps are.


:iagree:


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> WWB - it's only been 3 months, it's still too soon. Lord knows I didn't feel this way after 3 months. When I was at the point you are now I was just beginning to get out of the horrible depression I was in. Give yourself time, just make sure you keep moving forward. A little at a time is just fine. Progress is progress no matter how small the steps are.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks SS, I'm getting there slowly. Just trying to have as much fun as possible in the meantime, and use downtime to reflect and better myself!



> From my personal experience - and from what I've heard from others on TAM and IRL - give it 6-9 more months. You'll get there. It just takes time.
> 
> *hugs*


Yep, it sure will take time, and work. Things are improving already though, I'm pleased with how I'm doing!

On a side note, I've been celibate for 3 months, be careful with those hugs  haha.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> Yep, it sure will take time, and work. Things are improving already though, I'm pleased with how I'm doing!
> 
> On a side note, I've been celibate for 3 months, be careful with those hugs  haha.


OK, you are NOT allowed to complain to me about how long you've been celibate. NOT ALLOWED. I'm on the longest dry spell I've had since I lost my virginity. So shush!

EDIT: I cannot believe I just posted that on a public forum. WTF.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

I am thankful for my children, my close friends who have seen me through this continuing drama, my family, my job and my dogs.

I am also thankful for this website. I think I have done more reading than posting but I have found it amazingly helpful.

Lastly, I am thankful that I feel I am getting stronger every day and learning to enjoy my alone time rather than dread it.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

WWB- all I'm going to say is 3 months is nothing. 

Try a year - then talk to me lol!!

Mind over matter as they say.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm thankful for my daughter who loves me, the success of my business ensuring my financial freedom, my cat, and the lessons I've learnt in life especially thanks to this forum. I have alot to be thankful for, I can't complain really, even if I'm heartbroken.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> OK, you are NOT allowed to complain to me about how long you've been celibate. NOT ALLOWED. I'm on the longest dry spell I've had since I lost my virginity. So shush!
> 
> EDIT: I cannot believe I just posted that on a public forum. WTF.


Haha, 3 months feels like a long time to me. I'm 26, I'm in my prime. Also every time I go out I have women approaching me to dance and grinding on me, but I'm not ready to take it any further, and it's driving me absolutely insane. 

I guess it's good that sex with STBXW tailed off towards the end. At one point we'd get it on 3-4 times a day, if she'd left me then it would be much more difficult.

Public, yet anonymous  that's the beauty of it.



> WWB- all I'm going to say is 3 months is nothing.
> 
> Try a year - then talk to me lol!!
> 
> Mind over matter as they say.


A year???? I don't think I could go a whole year without.

3 months feels like an eternity to me. If it gets to a year I'll become a monk.



> I'm thankful for my daughter who loves me, the success of my business ensuring my financial freedom, my cat, and the lessons I've learnt in life especially thanks to this forum. I have alot to be thankful for, I can't complain really, even if I'm heartbroken.


Cats are awesome. I have two and no matter how sad I am, they can always make me smile.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> Haha, 3 months feels like a long time to me. I'm 26, I'm in my prime. Also every time I go out I have women approaching me to dance and grinding on me, but I'm not ready to take it any further, and it's driving me absolutely insane.
> 
> I guess it's good that sex with STBXW tailed off towards the end. At one point we'd get it on 3-4 times a day, if she'd left me then it would be much more difficult.
> 
> Public, yet anonymous  that's the beauty of it.


OMG, how old do you think I am??? I. AM. IN. MY. PRIME.

EDIT: Try 18 months. EIGHTEEN MONTHS. One of the ways my STBXH tried to manipulate/control me was by withholding sex. After we married, sex declined precipitously. In the last year we lived together... twice. Twice in twelve months. He's lucky I didn't have a fvcking affair. I should have.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> OMG, how old do you think I am??? I. AM. IN. MY. PRIME.


I wasn't implying that you were old! Just stating that I am in my prime . 

My testosterone levels are high, through the roof since I've been working out a lot if I'm honest .


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> I'm thankful for my daughter who loves me, the success of my business ensuring my financial freedom, my cat, and the lessons I've learnt in life especially thanks to this forum. I have alot to be thankful for, I can't complain really, even if I'm heartbroken.


I'm thankful for my dog and my cat, which we adopted because we wanted a cat and stbxh always said no. 

She's a really awesome cat lol


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> OMG, how old do you think I am??? I. AM. IN. MY. PRIME.
> 
> EDIT: Try 18 months. EIGHTEEN MONTHS. One of the ways my STBXH tried to manipulate/control me was by withholding sex. After we married, sex declined precipitously. In the last year we lived together... twice. Twice in twelve months. He's lucky I didn't have a fvcking affair. I should have.


:scratchhead: I don't even..... what??? Eighteen? 

Twice in a year?? I though twice a week was bad  I feel for you. That would have driven me completely insane.

Suddenly my problems seem small .


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> :scratchhead: I don't even..... what??? Eighteen?
> 
> Twice in a year?? I though twice a week was bad  I feel for you. That would have driven me completely insane.
> 
> Suddenly my problems seem small .


I thought I was losing my mind. I really did. I couldn't figure it out. He stopped touching me altogether, and was completely unresponsive to my advances. Those last two times? I HAD TO GET HIM DRUNK. It was a nightmare.

There was one final opportunity, in the last floundering months before he moved out, that he decided to debase himself by offering me sex on our wedding anniversary, but I was so flabbergasted by everything that I refused and finally let loose on him verbally, and that was the beginning of the end. For the final 4.5 months of our cohabitation, he wouldn't even speak to me, let alone look at me or touch me.

But don't feel too bad for me... my divorce is final in a few days, and I think I have something in the works...


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> I thought I was losing my mind. I really did. I couldn't figure it out. He stopped touching me altogether, and was completely unresponsive to my advances. Those last two times? I HAD TO GET HIM DRUNK. It was a nightmare.
> 
> There was one final opportunity, in the last floundering months before he moved out, that he decided to debase himself by offering me sex on our wedding anniversary, but I was so flabbergasted by everything that I refused and finally let loose on him verbally, and that was the beginning of the end. For the final 4.5 months of our cohabitation, he wouldn't even speak to me, let alone look at me or touch me.
> 
> But don't feel too bad for me... my divorce is final in a few days, and I think I have something in the works...


You had to get your own husband drunk to have sex with you? That's just not right. I mean I'll admit when things were going sour with my STBXW my libido dropped, and at times I really didn't feel like touching her at all (mostly after we'd had a fight) but we'd always "make up" .

Good for you for refusing! I think I would do the same if I were in your position. It sounds like your STBXH has some real control issues.

Congrats on the finalization of your divorce, and it's great that you "have something in the works" . I look forward to having "something in the works" myself.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> You had to get your own husband drunk to have sex with you? That's just not right. I mean I'll admit when things were going sour with my STBXW my libido dropped, and at times I really didn't feel like touching her at all (mostly after we'd had a fight) but we'd always "make up" .
> 
> Good for you for refusing! I think I would do the same if I were in your position. It sounds like your STBXH has some real control issues.
> 
> Congrats on the finalization of your divorce, and it's great that you "have something in the works" . I look forward to having "something in the works" myself.


Yeah, and at the same time, he kept telling me (and everyone else), "I'll do whatever it takes to save our marriage!" I had two thoughts about that: "Yeah, whatever, buddy" and "what marriage?"

That's not the only reason we're divorcing, but it's a pretty damn important one.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, and at the same time, he kept telling me (and everyone else), "I'll do whatever it takes to save our marriage!" I had two thoughts about that: "Yeah, whatever, buddy" and "what marriage?"
> 
> That's not the only reason we're divorcing, but it's a pretty damn important one.


I think anyone that says is unimportant in marriage, is clueless.

Clearly he was all words and no action, sadly too many people are like that.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> I think anyone that says is unimportant in marriage, is clueless.
> 
> Clearly he was all words and no action, sadly too many people are like that.


That pretty much sums it up!

Yes, he was ALL words, NO action. For my part, it took me a really long time to recognize/acknowledge this, and I kept making excuses to myself for his behavior, and eventually began blaming myself, thinking it was MY fault he behaved this way. It wasn't the way my "fairy tale" was supposed to happen, and I couldn't understand why someone who *loved me *would behave that way. He wasn't that way when we first got together, and he certainly wasn't like that when we were in front of other people. 

(He would be super-affectionate with me in public, and I would eat it up, because I was so starved for any kind of attention at all.) 

It was only when we were alone, and then he would re-write/"misremember" events to claim that they never happened, or differently than I remembered. 

He even told our MC that I had never expressed to him that I was unhappy, when I distinctly remember and account for multiple occasions when I did; he told her that he tried to initiate sex all the time, and that I was the one turning HIM down.

It was the MC that really opened my eyes to his behavior, and it was TAM that helped me identify it and understand what was really going on. That's why I'm so thankful for TAM -- without it, I might still be swirling in a vortex of confusion and self-loathing.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

> That pretty much sums it up!
> 
> Yes, he was ALL words, NO action. For my part, it took me a really long time to recognize/acknowledge this, and I kept making excuses to myself for his behavior, and eventually began blaming myself, thinking it was MY fault he behaved this way. It wasn't the way my "fairy tale" was supposed to happen, and I couldn't understand why someone who *loved me *would behave that way. *He wasn't that way when we first got together, and he certainly wasn't like that when we were in front of other people.*


I know exactly how it feels to think there is something wrong with _you_, but we both know better than that now.

The bit I've highlighted in bold - These are characteristics of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Have you read up on this to see if he exhibits any other signs?



> (*He would be super-affectionate with me in public*, and I would eat it up, because I was so starved for any kind of attention at all.)


Again, could be an NPD thing. Being starved for attention from your spouse makes you feel worthless, I know this first-hand. In my case, I felt worthless and undeserving, therefore I wasn't as attentive as I could have been. Was probably one of the factors that influenced my STBXW's p*ss-poor decision to look elsewhere for it.



> It was only when we were alone, and then he would re-write/"misremember" events to claim that they never happened, or differently than I remembered.
> 
> He even told our MC that I had never expressed to him that I was unhappy, when I distinctly remember and account for multiple occasions when I did; he told her that he tried to initiate sex all the time, and that I was the one turning HIM down.


Narcissists are never at fault.



> It was the MC that really opened my eyes to his behavior, and it was TAM that helped me identify it and understand what was really going on. That's why I'm so thankful for TAM -- without it, I might still be swirling in a vortex of confusion and self-loathing.


TAM has been an absolute godsend for 99% of people here I'm sure, myself included. Thank you TAM Community .


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WWB -- Oh, he is ABSOLUTELY NPD. It fits him like a second skin. I've read up on it extensively. I sorted all this months ago, and am at peace with it. When I was able to put a name on it and identify his behaviors, everything clicked into place for me. This knowledge finally gave me the vocabulary I needed to articulate, to myself and others, what exactly happened in my marriage, why it was broken, and why divorce was the best option for me. 

I'm past the point of needing advice and counsel to figure out what happened. I'm already on the other side, and it's beautiful here 

You know, except for the whole sex thing!


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> WWB -- Oh, he is ABSOLUTELY NPD. It fits him like a second skin. I've read up on it extensively. I sorted all this months ago, and am at peace with it. When I was able to put a name on it and identify his behaviors, everything clicked into place for me. This knowledge finally gave me the vocabulary I needed to articulate, to myself and others, what exactly happened in my marriage, why it was broken, and why divorce was the best option for me.
> 
> I'm past the point of needing advice and counsel to figure out what happened. I'm already on the other side, and it's beautiful here
> 
> You know, except for the whole sex thing!


Wow, I was actually right. Shocking! Glad you read up on it. I stumbled across it and found that a lot of it fit my STBXW too.

Sorry - I didn't mean to preach advice. It's just that NPD doesn't seem as well known as BPD. Or maybe that's just my perception of things .

Looking forward to joining you on the other side, I think I've already dipped my toes in.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WantWifeBack said:


> Wow, I was actually right. Shocking! Glad you read up on it. I stumbled across it and found that a lot of it fit my STBXW too.
> 
> Sorry - I didn't mean to preach advice. It's just that NPD doesn't seem as well known as BPD. Or maybe that's just my perception of things .
> 
> Looking forward to joining you on the other side, I think I've already dipped my toes in.


It's OK 

More specifically, he's passive-aggressive NPD. That's a ton of fun 

Sometimes, the grass really IS greener on the other side. Bet he wasn't expecting that I would figure that one out.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> It's OK
> 
> More specifically, he's passive-aggressive NPD. That's a ton of fun
> 
> Sometimes, the grass really IS greener on the other side. Bet he wasn't expecting that I would figure that one out.


PA & NPD is not a good mix!

Glad things are better for you on the other side of things!  Hopefully they will be for me too.


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