# Reaction 2



## chenay83 (Jun 25, 2009)

Hi everyone,
If you remember, I wrote Reaction. Well things have changed. I am sleeping with my husband again, but it's just to take care of my own sexual needs. As soon as its over, its kind of like OK go away now. Its kind of weird. However I admit that I am a lot nicer about things now simply because I really don't care anymore. It kind of feels like I'm just along for the ride, not caring if he turns left or right. I still feel like I'm married to a stranger. What's really bad is that I don't think he can do anything to make it better. It's hard to believe anything he says now and everything he does just seems to be an attempt to undo the past. To be completely honest I think he's just sorry he got caught. If I can't get out of this the way I see him I think my marriage may be over. Any suggestions? You guys were so helpful last time.


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, the first thing that comes to mind -- STOP HAVING SEX!! Get a toy! 

Yeah most people are sorry that they got caught, not necessarily for what they did. Get rid of him. 

But remember, while there's no excuse for it, there are reasons. Figure out what you were not giving him, learn to do that for your next relationship, and move on.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

chenay83 said:


> What's really bad is that I don't think he can do anything to make it better.


there is a part of the pain he caused that he will never be able to fix for you. but no matter who you are with you'll have to deal with that, and you are the only one that can heal yourself. your H can only do so much, but most of the healing will actually be up to you. 



chenay83 said:


> To be completely honest I think he's just sorry he got caught. If I can't get out of this the way I see him I think my marriage may be over.


this is a big part of why you cant move on. you just dont trust him. 

I see my h a lot different nowadays. he's not the guy i thought i married. he's just a guy that has problems like anyone else. i feel very much like you do- that im just along for the ride at the moment and i dont really care anymore. but you know all that is- its a defense mechanism. If you stay in this frame of mind he cant hurt you. But i stay in this frame of mind because i think its part of where i need to be to heal. i dont see it as a dead end and that things will never improve. i just see it as a phase i have to go through to be able to heal. and as long as my H continually does things to regain my trust, i know i will come out of it eventually. 

Im not advocating you stay with your H or anything. i fully believe that if you dont have kids you can leave whenever you want. but its important to understand what you are feeling and how to heal yourself because whether you are with your H or not you're going to have to do it.


----------



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

would it not just be better to leave ??? to sleep with him just to satify your needs wouldnt you be better of finding someone you love respect and who shows that comitment back ?


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> would it not just be better to leave ??? to sleep with him just to satify your needs wouldnt you be better of finding someone you love respect and who shows that comitment back ?


This is an excellent point.
:iagree:


----------



## chenay83 (Jun 25, 2009)

I think maybe I should give you guys a little more insight about us. We have a two year-old daughter together and we have been together five years. He is actually a really nice guy, but he has some emotional issues. He was the geek no one wanted in high school and I was actually the first "pretty" girl that was into him. I think more than anything he has issues with his insecurity. With that being said, he only messes up every blue moon and this is the first time he has done something that has to do with other women. Usually he won't even look sideways at another woman. Flirting with other females is just a hot button for me, even if it is just online. I still feel like I love him but then I question if I love him or if I just love who I think he is. I don't if he is the man I know that just messed up, or if he is someone I thought I knew that I don't really know at all. Since I can't really come up with an answer I end up shutting down emotionally.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

If he was/is shy around women he may have used the internet long before now and it may be like a 'double life' for him to get a connection/reassurance from other women. It may be something that was easier to hide once he met you rather than stop since he is getting something out of it and at this point may be how he relieves urges, deals with stress, etc. It would be more unusual to me if he had just started this when you found out about it.

He is still the man you feel in love with, you just discovered what in your eyes is a fault. It's likely this has nothing to do with how you look but more to do with his own insecurities.

Have you told him part of you feels like he is a stranger to you and that scares you? I think the more you talk the better you may feel, providing this is something you can be open about and listen to whatever he tells you without judgement...if he fears how you will react, he will likely not want to talk about it.


----------



## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

talk with him. be honest. it is the only thing that will help.


----------



## chenay83 (Jun 25, 2009)

Well Swedish and Snix11 the problem is getting him to be honest with me and believing him when he is honest.


----------

