# How do you know when you are being a doormat?



## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

Conflict is inevitable. I will often overlook disrespectful comments that I receive from others, including my wife. I always feel foolish if I take issue with the disrespect. I'm afraid that if I say anything it will come across as weak and whiney. I am trying to be unflappable and strong enough to ignore any mistreatment. How do I know when I have crossed over from unflappable to doormat?


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

You ignore mistreatment rather than making it stop.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

MYM1430 said:


> Conflict is inevitable. I will often overlook disrespectful comments that I receive from others, including my wife. I always feel foolish if I take issue with the disrespect. I'm afraid that if I say anything it will come across as weak and whiney. I am trying to be unflappable and strong enough to ignore any mistreatment. How do I know when I have crossed over from unflappable to doormat?


You are a doormat already, if your wife dishes you publicly. You need to be able to confront w/o being whiny, either in public or alone later.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

When you feel like one. That's what matters. The goal is self-respect, not trying to prove to others that you meet some objective standard of manhood.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I think rather than saying "am I doing a good job of projecting the image of being unflappable" you should say "how do I feel about taking this disrespect?" If it doesn't really bother you, then don't worry about it, and if it does, then don't take it.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You will know you are truly strong when you feel no resentment towards her. You will love her regardless of what she says, because you have so much inner security that her words do not hurt you.

Actually, they will provoke compassion and curiosity in you for her distress, which is the source of her unkind words. You will seek to understand why she acts towards you the way she does. With humor and gentleness and sincerity, you will communicate with her to resolve conflict.

And if she is truly unhappy with you, an unhappiness that cannot be corrected, despite your best efforts, you will release her to be with a man who _can _make her happy.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Sometimes you just have to stand your ground. You're speaking from the perspective of the person who more often dishes it out, from what I can tell, where as I am speaking from the perspective of the person who has been on the receiving end, and what I need to feel self-respect and confidence. However I seem to remember having a similar debate with you on a similar issue before, and I don't think either of us are going to change our views. So you do it your way, I'll do it mine.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think most men are on the receiving end. . Often a woman's only power is her words.

I've described how my husband deals with me. I think it works very well.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think when you accept treatment that if you witnessed a friend or relative tend take you'd ask them what the hvll was wrong with them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

What I mostly feel when disrespected is confusion or sadness. Confused if I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment and sadness when I do know what I did. 

How would you describe the feeling of resentment in the moment it happens? Is it possible to avoid resentment by overlooking offenses?


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Ask her if she wants a divorce and see how she responds.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

MYM1430 said:


> What I mostly feel when disrespected is confusion or sadness. Confused if I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment and sadness when I do know what I did.
> 
> How would you describe the feeling of resentment in the moment it happens? Is it possible to avoid resentment by overlooking offenses?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

MYM1430 said:


> What I mostly feel when disrespected is confusion or sadness. Confused if I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment and sadness when I do know what I did.
> 
> How would you describe the feeling of resentment in the moment it happens? Is it possible to avoid resentment by overlooking offenses?


Can you give an example of a situation where you felt this way? What is your wife saying or doing to you that makes you feel this?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

We need better examples.


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

Last week she was hosting an event at our house and she wanted me to take out the trash the night before. I was already in my pajamas and said I would do it in the morning. Morning came and I left for work forgetting my promise to take out the trash. She took care of it herself but did not bring it up all weekend. We were busy but she didn't interact with me much at all. Yesterday my son had a rough day at school and my wife wanted to check his grades before emailing his teacher. She was short with me and was giving off an annoyed vibe about getting logged on the computer. I brushed it off knowing that it could be her emotions leaking from frustration with my son's teacher. Or more likely with my not keeping my promise to take out the trash. So this time I was mostly sad for partially being the cause of her frustration. Other times I don't have any thing I know I should feel guilty for and I am confused. I am not feeling resentful toward her as far as I can tell. Truth be told, I am not very sensitive to emotions (my own or others).


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

MYM1430 said:


> Last week she was hosting an event at our house and she wanted me to take out the trash the night before. I was already in my pajamas and said I would do it in the morning. Morning came and I left for work forgetting my promise to take out the trash. She took care of it herself but did not bring it up all weekend. We were busy but she didn't interact with me much at all. Yesterday my son had a rough day at school and my wife wanted to check his grades before emailing his teacher. She was short with me and was giving off an annoyed vibe about getting logged on the computer. I brushed it off knowing that it could be her emotions leaking from frustration with my son's teacher. Or more likely with my not keeping my promise to take out the trash. So this time I was mostly sad for partially being the cause of her frustration. Other times I don't have any thing I know I should feel guilty for and I am confused. I am not feeling resentful toward her as far as I can tell. Truth be told, I am not very sensitive to emotions (my own or others).


I don't understand what she did to you in this situation or how you were being a doormat. I see you describing how you did something annoying and she got annoyed about it. I'm guessing this wasn't the first time you told her you'd do something and didn't make a point of doing it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MYM1430 said:


> Last week she was hosting an event at our house and she wanted me to take out the trash the night before. I was already in my pajamas and said I would do it in the morning. Morning came and I left for work forgetting my promise to take out the trash. She took care of it herself but did not bring it up all weekend. We were busy but she didn't interact with me much at all. Yesterday my son had a rough day at school and my wife wanted to check his grades before emailing his teacher. She was short with me and was giving off an annoyed vibe about getting logged on the computer. I brushed it off knowing that it could be her emotions leaking from frustration with my son's teacher. Or more likely with my not keeping my promise to take out the trash. So this time I was mostly sad for partially being the cause of her frustration. Other times I don't have any thing I know I should feel guilty for and I am confused. I am not feeling resentful toward her as far as I can tell. Truth be told, I am not very sensitive to emotions (my own or others).


First, you're messing up in the communication department. Did you call her on the way to work and say 'wow, sorry, I forgot. But I'll make it up to you!'? Women NEED their men to own up to their mistakes, because women are the king of holding resentment and not saying why. 

Second, if you feel bad for causing her frustration, say so! Keep that communication going. Also keep talking about the other stuff, school, etc. Women like to talk things out, so just open up the conversation, ask her what she's thinking about it, and then just sit back and listen.

Third, we're human. We're allowed to mess up. Don't be so hard on yourself. Women HATE that, and it IS a weakness. If you mess up, DO something to ensure it doesn't happen again; that is all. No words necessary. Put a note on your briefcase the next time the night before so you don't forget. THAT, she will admire.

Fourth, these examples don't show any kind of bullying on her part, or doormat on yours. Just miscommunication.


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

It sounds more like you simply don't know how to talk to women. Do you feel it is unmanly to simply speak your mind? She is your wife bro, talk to her.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

(Trying to find a barf emoji on this iPhone).


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

I do struggle to express my true thoughts and feelings. I am very diplomatic when I speak, careful with every word. I communicate on a need to know basis and if I am not sure of the relevance of the message I will keep silent. I choose not to express annoyance because I believe annoyance with others comes from their actions rubbing against my own weaknesses and flaws. If I am annoyed with my wife, it reveals an area I need to improve in my own life. My struggle comes from the times my wife is annoyed, I can't think of any reason she would be annoyed with me, and she won't tell me why when I ask her.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

MYM1430 said:


> What I mostly feel when disrespected is confusion or sadness. Confused if I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment and sadness when I do know what I did.
> 
> How would you describe the feeling of resentment in the moment it happens? Is it possible to avoid resentment by overlooking offenses?


Allowing people to use your niceness against you or mistreat you = ENABLING

DO NOT enable people to mistreat you, or it will only escalate.

Deal with issues as they come. DO NOT rug sweep or ignore the issues "in the name of being nice".

Remember, although those doing the offense are much worst/and CORE of the issue, without people that enable them to do so, there wouldn't be one.

I blame YOU

You also have to assume that once you make this change your wife might no longer like it and you HAVE TO be willing to leave if you have to. She might simply be the type of person that likes to take advantage/disrespect people, maybe that's why she is with you. 

When you take that away, there might not be any marriage.

And then you have to accept that it's for the better.....you DO NOT want that type of a person for long term relationship.


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

To clarify, in the context of TAM, our conflict and level of annoyance is very minor. I am trying to work on and improve a relationship that I see as good.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

MYM1430 said:


> To clarify, in the context of TAM, our conflict and level of annoyance is very minor. I am trying to work on and improve a relationship that I see as good.


That's fine.

Whenever it happens, pull your wife to the side/in private and have a serious conversation with her. Tell her how it makes you feel/how you feel and tell her you don't appreciate it.

You HAVE to keep it cool and be calm about it. Don't get offended/angry etc (and if you do, that's ok too, but put the conversation on hold until you are level headed).


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ok, then, I have a job for you. Get a Talking Stick. Doesn't have to be a real stick, just any object that the two of you identify as THE Talking Stick.

You use it to have weekly conversations, 15-30 minutes long, once a week, like on Sunday night. Schedule it, agree on it. During that weekly conversation, each of you holds the Talking Stick and says whatever you're feeling. Good, bad, ambivalent...just talk about how things went the past week. It is a SAFE environment in which both of you are free to say anything you want without fear of repercussions. NO arguing, NO interrupting, whoever holds the stick, gets to to talk. Then pass the stick over to the other person, and then it's their turn.

This is a great way for you to start learning how to communicate, grease the wheels so to speak. I'm pretty sure your wife is dying to have a husband who will just talk to her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MYM1430 said:


> To clarify, in the context of TAM, our conflict and level of annoyance is very minor. I am trying to work on and improve a relationship that I see as good.


Here is the thing. This approach doesn't work. When you give and give and hold quiet to being mistreated you are only enabling the behavoir. We teach others how to treat us. 

I know from my marriage this was the one, and only mistake I made. I gave into EVERYTHING. Where we lived,what we drove, how we disciplined the kids....EVeRYTHING. All In a failed attempt to make her happy. It didn't make her happy it made her loose respect for me. Never again. You need to stand up for yourself at every turn. Call out bad behavoir every time. If you are asking yourself the question "am I a doormat" chances are that you are already there


And for God sakes take the trash out. If your a forgetful person take the trash and move it infront of the front door so you can't leave without being reminded. If you promised me and forgot I wouldn't be happy either....I would just let you know in a far less passive aggressive way


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

DoF said:


> That's fine.
> 
> Whenever it happens, pull your wife to the side/in private and have a serious conversation with her. Tell her how it makes you feel/how you feel and tell her you don't appreciate it.
> 
> You HAVE to keep it cool and be calm about it. Don't get offended/angry etc (and if you do, that's ok too, but put the conversation on hold until you are level headed).


In my 15 year marriage, I have only expressed anger to my wife a few times. When I become angry, I always am able to see my part in the conflict and end up redirecting my anger to work on my own issues.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

In reading your posts, it seems that sometimes you feel responsible just because wife is p!ssed about something, EVEN IF IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH U!

Don't feel responsible for your wife's happiness. If's she's crabby, ask if she wants help with anything or needs to vent. If she says no, go about your day. The only one responsible for your happiness is you, she is responsible for her own.

Learned it the hard way myself.


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

Thank you to all who have offered advice. Sometimes it is nice just to have a sounding board to put things into prespective.


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## Pollo (Oct 17, 2014)

jld said:


> You will know you are truly strong when you feel no resentment towards her. You will love her regardless of what she says, because you have so much inner security that her words do not hurt you.
> 
> Actually, they will provoke compassion and curiosity in you for her distress, which is the source of her unkind words. You will seek to understand why she acts towards you the way she does. With humor and gentleness and sincerity, you will communicate with her to resolve conflict.
> 
> And if she is truly unhappy with you, an unhappiness that cannot be corrected, despite your best efforts, you will release her to be with a man who _can _make her happy.


That was terrible. You think because a woman is unhappy she has the right to disrespect her husband??
That was actually a great description of what a doormat is.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"If I am annoyed with my wife, it reveals an area I need to improve in my own life. My struggle comes from the times my wife is annoyed, I can't think of any reason she would be annoyed with me, and she won't tell me why when I ask her."

You can't think of any reason your wife might be annoyed with you? Here's the deal. It's her job to be annoyed with you. I'm sure you've given her plenty of reasons but she really doesn't even need one. You could raise the dead and spin straw into gold but if you're married, your wife is going to occasionally be pissed at you (probably frequently). Could have everything to do with you and could have nothing to do with you. Might be because it's Tuesday.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

FrenchFry said:


> As a person who goes around trying to smooth over life's puzzles, especially the puzzle who is closest to me something I have learned is: His emotions aren't mine, nor are mine his.
> 
> Sometimes my husband has a bad day at work and then I do something that rubs him the wrong way. If he can verbalize to me what I have done clearly, I can work on it but it is not my job to sit around wondering what I have done to cause him to be annoyed.
> 
> Being a doormat is losing yourself in trying to not have your wife be annoyed. Sometimes people get annoyed with each other and it's okay as long as you can acknowledge it and work towards negating those annoyances with the things that make you (and her) happy.


*stands, clapping slowly*




*clapping intensifies*


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

MYM1430 said:


> I do struggle to express my true thoughts and feelings. I am very diplomatic when I speak, careful with every word. I communicate on a need to know basis and if I am not sure of the relevance of the message I will keep silent. I choose not to express annoyance because I believe annoyance with others comes from their actions rubbing against my own weaknesses and flaws. If I am annoyed with my wife, it reveals an area I need to improve in my own life. My struggle comes from the times my wife is annoyed, I can't think of any reason she would be annoyed with me, and she won't tell me why when I ask her.


You sound like a real candy azz Dawg. Face it my man, you try to come across as some introspection type guy who finds solace in examining his own weaknesses and flaws. Truth is you just want to avoid rejection.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Look, just order this "doormat" shirt, and wear it in front of your wife.

Welcome Mat T-shirt | Zazzle

If she asks what the deal is, you reply, "Just thought I'd make it official."

Its not right, or fair, but the only way to have power is to not give a crap about what people think. Whatever you're doing now- do the opposite- like George Costanza did with such success on Seinfeld.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's the thing Forrest; if you didn't give a crap about what people think, you wouldn't wear a stupid T which, by your own admission, indicates what you are. It indicates that youre a weak prick that dosn't have any fight in ya. Get one that sez, "Either be my friend, wife, whatever, or get the fu-k out of my life." Than tell her, ""Just thought I'd make it official."


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Here's the thing Forrest; if you didn't give a crap about what people think, you wouldn't wear a stupid T which, by your own admission, indicates what you are. It indicates that youre a weak prick that dosn't have any fight in ya. Get one that sez, "Either be my friend, wife, whatever, or get the fu-k out of my life." Than tell her, ""Just thought I'd make it official."


You can look at it that way, or this way:

Would you have the balls to wear this in front of your woman, and say that to her?

Seriously. It might as well say "You're a Cun+".


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I wouldn't wear a T shirt. I'd simply tell her. Of course, she wouldn't do me like some on here suggest they get done. If she ever got to the point where she had that little respect for me, I wouldn't need or want her and we'd make different arrangements. Some other guy is taking crap from my first wife. I learned early on that in life, the more shid you take, the more people dish out. 
At any rate, You couldn't pay me to wear and I don't recommend any man wear a T shirt that sez in effect, " I'm a puzzy"


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> I wouldn't wear a T shirt. I'd simply tell her. Of course, she would do me like some on here suggest they get done. If she ever got to the point where she had that little respect for me, I wouldn't need or want her and we'd make different arrangements. Some other guy is taking crap from my first wife. I learned early on that in life, the more shid you take, the more people dish out.
> At any rate, You couldn't pay me to wear and I don't recommend any man wear a T shirt that sez in effect, " I'm a puzzy"


Good grief, its cheap sarcasm, not psychotherapy, Dr. Phil.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

My observation is if you're really a doormat, you probably don't need a T shirt to confirm it. She already knows she can walk all over you, attempted sarcasm about it notwithstanding. 
In my years on the planet, I've learned a few things about women. One is they cannot maintain a high romantic interest in a guy they don't respect. If you don't believe it, ask the women folk.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

MYM1430 said:


> I do struggle to express my true thoughts and feelings. I am very diplomatic when I speak, careful with every word. I communicate on a need to know basis and if I am not sure of the relevance of the message I will keep silent.


As Tunera indicated, this is bad/non communication. If you don't understand the relevance of something, ask her. You're not a mind reader.


> I choose not to express annoyance because I believe annoyance with others comes from their actions rubbing against my own weaknesses and flaws. If I am annoyed with my wife, it reveals an area I need to improve in my own life.


What if she's being annoying. How is that a flaw in you? This is doormat behaviour, do you see? You do something 'wrong', it's your fault. She does something 'wrong', it's your fault. You're two interdependent individuals and always will be. You'll rub each other the wrong way from time to time. It's not a big deal


> My struggle comes from the times my wife is annoyed, I can't think of any reason she would be annoyed with me, and she won't tell me why when I ask her.


Poor communication on her part. Dealing with someone who is passive/aggressive is a trial. I helped my future wife ease out of this kind of behaviour with a politer version of "Spit it out or Suck it up"



jld said:


> And if she is truly unhappy with you, an unhappiness that cannot be corrected, despite your best efforts, you will release her to be with a man who _can _make her happy.


This is dreadful advice. The whole post is, but especially this bit. It's not your job to make your wife happy. That's her job. Doormats buy into the idea that it's their job to make their wives happy.

Perhaps find the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" pdf and download it. If it sounds like you, there'll be helpful advice there for you.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

It's amazing how many tonal difference you can use with the following words...

"Fk you beotch . This is how I roll"

Say it with a smile. 

Sarcastically. 

Laughing. 

Stern. 

It's all good. 

Next time your wife puts you down in public, just start laughing. Then say..well, that's how I roll!


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

One important thing I am learning after recovering from DOORmat Syndrome is that a man is not responsible of any misery of his lady has not been caused by him .

By Nature a man takes the issue of seeing his wife unhappy as personnel ; because he feels responsibility that he should make her happy .

you need first to get out from the trap , that both of you fall in ; when she is venting ; sometimes she is just venting ; rather you would be insulting her if you try to help resolving the issue .

The main issue , is that do you feel respected when you do things for her? ; she need not speak a word ; body language tells a lot .


if she is not respecting you , at the same time when she is asking for more services ; and you don't feel like doing it ; you will upset her if you don't do it ; and if it is not your responsibility you become slowly a doormat .

When it comes to services ; be carefull the line should be drown , because unless she is sick or dying ; she has to do her part .

Otherwise ,buy that T Shirt .


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Zouz said:


> By Nature a man takes the issue of seeing his wife unhappy as personnel ; because he feels responsibility that he should make her happy .


Dawg, I don't like to see my woman unhappy but unless I know I caused it, I don't take it personal. If a guys personality is such that he feels its his responsibility to always get between her and what's making her unhappy, somebody needs to explain to him that's an impossible task and he's having an exaggerated belief in his ability to control events.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Ever get that feeling that your self respect is sliding out under the door away from you?

That's how you know.

Here's what you have to do. It's very simple, yet very hard.

1. Own your own ****.

2. Don't let her own your ****.

The end.


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## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

Sometimes the person giving the negative comments may not know they are doing it. I would bring to attention. Present other words they could use. Rather than demanding or telling, maybe that person can try asking. Maybe they act that way bc they feel like the other just will disagree and so they put their foot down first and lay the ground. No one wins.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I think when you accept treatment that if you witnessed a friend or relative tend take you'd ask them what the hvll was wrong with them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed. Sadly it puts me in doormat category


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## Kerry (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi there,

I wanted to chime in b/c I could really relate to what you say below about working on your own issues first. I have the same approach.

I thought I'd share this from the female perspective. I am going to assume that your wife has overall good values and not an entitlement mentality.

Two things:
1. From a female perspective, when she's brooding, don't try to guess what it is about. If you know you did something, own it quickly before she's brooding. Apologize once, and maybe say what you'll do next time. "sorry i forgot to take out the trash; I know you were counting on me. Next time I'm going to make myself a note."

If she brings it up later (and if she's kind of a sensitive person), you might say something like: My forgetting has nothing to do with how much I care about your needs. I was thinking about work stuff. If she doesn't respond to this, then she's kind of self-centered and everything will come back to her needs. That's a trust issue of hers, not yours. IMHO, she should at least understand that you had to get to work. A deal is a deal, but mistakes are part of life. If you do this a lot though, you might look at whether you've got some passive resistance going on. I had it, faced it, stopped being such a rebel and I feel better about myself (and my husband just seems to notice with similar action).

2. When she's brooding and if it feels right for you, try something like: "Hey, I sense that something might be off. If there's anything you want to talk about, I'm open to talking." 
Here's what drives me bonkers!:
- When I'm brooding and my husband says something that reminds me that I'm "off", like: "You seem upset." Or, basically anything that beings with "You..." I don't want him guessing what I am feeling and I really don't want a reminder that I'm in a crappy mood! Not with words or actions (him dancing around my "mood"). I hate that I'm in a crappy mood and I know that I'm bringing down the vibe of the house. I really don't need a reminder. What I need is to feel my feelings and figure out how to get to a better place. If he'd just leave me alone, I'd get there much faster. I've even told him, "please, I know it might be tough, but just go have a nice day."

I understand that he feels like he "did something" and he probably did. But, like you, I know his every action isn't under my jurisdiction, so I'm trying to sort that out. But, when he gets all up in my business about it, now I have all the more stuff to process. Women multi-process constantly, adding another path in the circuit board will bung up the whole process way worse than leaving it alone. Most women can't express this verbally (took me a long time).

Your wife may be different, but I just wanted to share the perspective from over here on this side of the gender.

Also, and very important, imho, you can't "make" anyone respect you. You can only know that you want to feel respected and choose to surround yourself with people who are respectful. If you don't do that (or they don't respond to changing the dance), then you will spend all of your personal resources (time, energy, knowledge) trying to manage a bad decision (sorry so direct). What I mean by bad decision is something that you didn't think through or didn't have the understanding/courage to recognize/face when you were deciding.




MYM1430 said:


> In my 15 year marriage, I have only expressed anger to my wife a few times. When I become angry, I always am able to see my part in the conflict and end up redirecting my anger to work on my own issues.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

MYM1430 said:


> Last week she was hosting an event at our house and she wanted me to take out the trash the night before.


I would say that if taking out the trash is your job, (The reasons don't matter) then take ownership of that job. 

Nobody tells you when to take it out because nobody needs to tell you when to take it out.

You won't feel like a doormat and she won't fall into the, "I'm management - You're labor" mode of thinking.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

jld said:


> You will know you are truly strong when you feel no resentment towards her. You will love her regardless of what she says, because you have so much inner security that her words do not hurt you.
> 
> Actually, they will provoke compassion and curiosity in you for her distress, which is the source of her unkind words. You will seek to understand why she acts towards you the way she does. With humor and gentleness and sincerity, you will communicate with her to resolve conflict.
> 
> And if she is truly unhappy with you, an unhappiness that cannot be corrected, despite your best efforts, you will release her to be with a man who _can _make her happy.


Actually MYM, if you WANT to be a doormat, then you will listen to the above.

The above is saying, you are the source of her disrespect towards you. 

The above is saying that you need to humble yourself to her and understand that it is you that is causing her to disrespect you. Don't dare get mad NO MATTER how she disrespects you. You do not get to feel disrespected. Its all about her.

The above is also saying that if you seek to kiss her feet and she still disrespects you, that you need to "release" her to a man that can make her happy, as if you are the one holding her back.

Notice her words there. It isn't, "_you need to free yourself to find someone that makes YOU happy_"....her happiness is what counts to this poster if she cannot calm down despite his best efforts.

So if you want to be a doormat, listen to the above.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

MYM1430 said:


> To clarify, in the context of TAM, our conflict and level of annoyance is very minor. I am trying to work on and improve a relationship that I see as good.


This is always a good thing. Just don't let anyone tell you that its your fault.

Talk to your wife about it. Simple as that.


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