# I want your opinions on temptation.



## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

My wife and I have had this discussion before and I'll tell you my stance on temptation. My feeling is that, "You can't be tempted by something that you didn't want in the first place". 

What I mean to say is that I do not believe that things just happened. If you meet an attractive person and you end up cheating, then you wanted that person. You didn't fall into a situation where you couldn't help yourself or the circumstances forced you to do it. You decided to give in to your desires. Recognize that sometimes you may not even be honest with youself to realize how strong those desires are, but they're there. 

You don't just sleep with someone because they're there. There has to be a certain amount of "temptation" which is a desire. Case and point, I drive an Audi. There is no way that you could tempt me into trading my car for a Ford Taurus. But I could definately be tempted by an Aston Martin. But that's because there's a desire there. 

I hope I'm making sense. How do you guys feel about this?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I don't know if I'd define it as "temptation", but I do agree that cheating is a choice you make. I would never cheat on my boyfriend, no matter how attracted I was to someone else. That's the choice I make. If I were a different kind of person, the choice I might make could be that I would cheat. I think it's more...a part of your character. Temptation isn't why it happens, it's giving in to temptation that causes it. And giving in to temptation comes from a lack of willpower, a lack of respect, or other things that to me, are a part of a person's character.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I agree. Temptation is always out there. It's how you deal with it that's important. 

In going with your example: The Aston Maron looks really nice, and you've always wanted to drive one, but would you give up your Audi just to drive the Martin once? Would you hang out at the car lot? I think in a successful marriange, the answers to those questions are "NO".


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't think it is temptation more than it is something missing in a relationship.

Using your analogy, you'd drive the Ford if the Audi died. People go into affairs because something has died in their relationship. There's plenty of temptation out there but not everyone falls for it.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

My master plan was to get you guys to talk about cars! lol. Kidding. But I agree with atruckersgirl when she says that it is a reflection of your character if you give in to it. 

Scarletblue, I wouldn't give up my Audi to drive it once, but if I could drive it and still keep my Audi. hmmm. Isn't that one of the basic thoughts of a cheater? I can have my cake and eat it too?

Chris I think that's a good point. I guess I'd drive the Ford under duress, lol. but I'd be working my butt off to fix the Audi. Maybe that's the problem with some people. They'd rather drive something else rather than fix what they have.


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## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

I still would take Austin martin, don't like Audi, they don't shift correct and sometimes give bad smells in the back of the mufflers, add to that in hot weather they leak oil.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Yes there is temptation involved but for guys opportunity also exists even without temptation. Well, alcohol might also play a factor sometimes.

This is for every guy out there, there has to be once in your life (not all guys but alot of guys) where an opportunity was offered up and you had no desire for that person. It was there, you tagged it and it was your little secret that no one will ever know about it.

You did it cuz the opportunity was there but there was no way in hell, even if she was the last girl on earth, that you would do that again. Sometimes the little head overrides the big head.

Just like your car analogy, you might drive an Audi but if you had a chance to take a beat up car and go crazy by doing donuts, trying to drift, etc... you probably would do it. But then you just go back and ride that Audi after you're done with your fun. The car was fun for that little moment cuz you could go crazy and not have to worry if you dented it or crashed the car.

Pretty sure there are some ladies that are in the same boat. No need for temptation, itch was just there and that guy just happened to be in the right place at the right time.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

lol, [email protected]


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## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

So what happens if your Audi won't start no matter what you do, and you desperately need a ride somewhere?


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

Then it's necessity, not temptation. I can choose to drive one of our other cars, ride the bus, carpool, etc. 

A broken marriage isn't a reason to cheat, no matter if your marriage is an Audi or a Ferrari. I know some people who are very happy with their Chevy and wouldn't drive a Lamborghini if you paid them to, but would love to get into a Dodge. That's their temptation. 

I feel that recognizing your temptations and not placing yourself into compromising situations goes a long way. Atruckersgirl said it best, it's about character. 

I think that people who are cheating have made that decision of their own accord. And it is not a situation of circumstance.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I want your opinions on temptation.

Don't get caught?


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I also must say that I'm with atruckersgirl. It's about your morals and values and your character. I'm also a huge believer in "the golden rule". Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the only one that knows what that even is anymore.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

AFEH said:


> I want your opinions on temptation.
> 
> Don't get caught?


LOL, I had water come out of my nose trying to stop laughing and spitting water all over my laptop.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> LOL, I had water come out of my nose trying to stop laughing and spitting water all over my laptop.


Just my little bit of black humour. It's serious stuff this I know.

I reckon there's a few things about temptation. First off is to do with the ego. Someone fancies us and there's a connection? Sometimes these "connections" can be very strong. Magic. It's truly nice to be wanted, makes us feel good.

Secondly where we go from there is I believe down to our internal values and beliefs. Sure we can fantasise for a bit, wonder what it would be like. I don't think there's a problem with that and it's quite natural. We are after all human and these things are there for a reason, mainly reproduction.

But if a person truly believes in and values the sanctity of marriage then they don't go there.

Bob


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AFEH said:


> Just my little bit of black humour. It's serious stuff this I know.
> 
> I reckon there's a few things about temptation. First off is to do with the ego. Someone fancies us and there's a connection? Sometimes these "connections" can be very strong. Magic. It's truly nice to be wanted, makes us feel good.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree: I agree with this very strongly. I can honestly say, even in a happy fulfilling marraige, my mind wonders at times - but I use this wondering in a very healthy way -always coming back to my husband & him alone. 

I can admit, I still enjoy being complimented by a man. When I was younger & more prudish, I cared more to be noticed for my mind. Funny how getting older & more sexually minded can change this. 

Just the other day we were out camping, swimming, this good looking guy started talking to me, we held a nice long conversation about many things, no overt flirting, he knew I was married + kids. Husband was at the other end of the pool with the kids. I can honestly say, If I was not married, their could have been some connection there. Just cause we are taken, doesn't mean we cease to notice the other sex. 

Is it just a co-incidence I was REALLY hot & bothered that particular night. Probably not. So a little fun, a little what if's in the back of the mind, is there any harm in this ?? As long as we ultimately know where we belong and who gets the whole of us later on that night. 

The looking & noticing might have revved my engine a bit, but ultimately only the husband gets taken for the ride.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The looking & noticing might have revved my engine a bit, but ultimately only the husband gets taken for the ride.


That's a great comment. I'd be very proud if I were your husband.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

We were in a night club. It was 12 and my family were going a bit wild which wasn't for me so I went home. Come 3 in the morning and I'm woken by my wife smooching on top of me. Now I know someone in the night club turned her on and in a way I was being "used" but at the same time pleased she didn't satisfy her need with the other man.

She'd got me real horny in a matter of seconds, it was an absolute delight.

I knew then she had a passion inside her. Sadly I knew that passion was no longer for me. It used to be a while back, but for me it was gone.

Bob


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

^^ I can definately say that if my wife were not turned on by me but she was by another man that would hurt.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

AmorousWarrior said:


> ^^ I can definately say that if my wife were not turned on by me but she was by another man that would hurt.


It did hurt seriously big time. I had multiple reasons to tell her to piss off and get an f’ing life. That was just one of them. At the same time I have fantastic memories. She was a seriously good Woman, Mother and Wife.

Now? I’m out of the ring, the combat zone. And I’m looking for Romance.

Bob


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

It will come. I'm one who believes in love, but timing is also a big thing. Take the time to learn yourself. It will make you a much better judge of what you need. I've learned alot about myself during my marriage. Sometimes unfortunately at the expense of my wifes feelings. And the same goes for her.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AmorousWarrior said:


> ^^ I can definately say that if my wife were not turned on by me but she was by another man that would hurt.


 I agree this would be very sad/hearbreaking, and if the husband knows this, feels this & these passionate moments only happen AFTER she has been somewhere or talking to another man, it IS like being used. So wrong, very hurtful. No doubt. This is a situation of a Lack of attraction -that needs to be regained in the marraige, if at all possible. 

I want to say - just for myself & I am sure others as well, that is not always the case. Yes, I do enjoy looking , ain't no sense lying about it, I have entered somewhat of a Cougar stage in my older yrs & sex is always on my mind. What seems to come along with this - is noticing alot of males. Can't seem to help it. It ain't no different than men not being able to resist doing a double -take on a slender woman in a bikini walking past. It doesn't mean he doesn't love & physically want his wife, he just loves the female body. It is a work of art. Right guys ? 

I want my hubby every single day & night, I seriously don't need anything outside of us to give me "that passion". He knows this all too well, so he is not threatened in any way that I talk to guys , or even look. I have a little bit more passion than he "needs" these days. Thankfully he is not complaining. 

One of my BIGGEST & recurrent fantasies is going back in time, me & him on our Wedding night, pulling down his tux pants slowly & giving him the thrill of his life. I never did that, and regret it terribly. I only say this -because indeed, my fantasies are HIM. 

We are getting older, I do miss his very slender stomach -that I didn't seem to notice much then. As I am sure he misses my flatter stomach without all the stretch marks from 6 pregnancies. But I still have the ability to look at him NOW and still see that gorgeous young man that I married. 

I thnk its important, no matter our age, to have the ability to do this, it keeps it fresh.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

breeze said:


> Lol SimplyAmorous, I'm sure you would've made up for the wedding night on your honeymoon, so maybe think back on that instead


 Accually No, I was a virgin & it was SOOOO tight down there, it literally took months to get it in  (I am not kidding). This got so frustrating, I called the Obgyn, was about to be scheduled for a "Hymenectomy" but here was found pregnant ! So we had to keep trying. Sperm really DO swim well ! Crazy story -really. So those oral skills would surely have been the BEST thing -for him !


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

breeze said:


> Well, I guess there have to be some benefits to getting older, other than the material, such as gaining wisdom and being able to see solutions to problems we wouldn't even consider when we were younger.



YES !!! With age has come much wisdom, I have MUCH to share with my own daughter someday & others -to not make the same mistakes as I. If only I had a book such as this given to me back then - I believe my eyes would have been opened. Amazon.com: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy&#133; 

Because this subject is SO dear to my heart, I have vowed that every single Bridal shower I attend in the future - to give this book, especially if one is a Christian Virgin - along with some HOT lingerie.


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## delicatelover (Aug 2, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> LOL, I had water come out of my nose trying to stop laughing and spitting water all over my laptop.


:rofl:


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## Muse (Aug 10, 2010)

In my own opinion.....people only cheat if there is something lacking in their relationship at home. Communication is key. I tell my husband all the time that I do not want to be a person that cheats on her husband....but if he continues to neglect the things that I tell him I need in our relationship, then I feel that he is forcing me into a weakened position where if someone does try and pursue me....tell me everything I want to hear....and give me the things he isnt'.....then the probability of me cheating would be very high.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Muse said:


> In my own opinion.....people only cheat if there is something lacking in their relationship at home.


Not always true, some guys just cannot pass up the free ride if it's right in front of their face. Not all guys but some guys.

For the guys only, if Salma Hayek or someone who was her double was in front of you nude, legs up in the air and it was a one time shot. And nobody would ever know...

What would you do?

Same with the girls, for example George Clooney or Brad Pitt or whoever the new hunks are out there for women.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

cheatinghubby said:


> Not always true, some guys just cannot pass up the free ride if it's right in front of their face. Not all guys but some guys.
> 
> For the guys only, if Salma Hayek or someone who was her double was in front of you nude, legs up in the air and it was a one time shot. And nobody would ever know...
> 
> What would you do?


 Some will get mad at me for saying this, but statistically it is true, you can do the research yourself -- if a man has a really HIGH testosterone level, the temptation is generally harder to resist. The Lower the drive, the easier it is to remain monogomous. Not that men & women should blame thier infidelity on hormones, but it definetly has it's role. 

Then if you throw in a nearly sexless marraige situation in the mix, Yeah, I agree with above poster, 99% chance he's gonna fall - IF/when the right bombshell presents herself flirtingly.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> For the guys only, if Salma Hayek or someone who was her double was in front of you nude, legs up in the air and it was a one time shot. And nobody would ever know...
> What would you do?


It would NOT be easy, I would have to fight my instincts, but I would refuse. While I've never had Selma Hayek offer me sex, I have had the opportunity a couple of times since I have been married. I would lie if I didn't say part of me wanted to, but I refused. They were also situations in which I was traveling and no one else would ever known. But I would have known, and I couldn't do that to my wife.

First off, I am happy with my married sex life to my wife. 
Secondly, I made an oath to her to forsake all others. No one MADE me make that promise, I chose to make that promise. Temptation is all around us in many, many different forms. You just have to learn to fight the temptation.
Thirdly, my wife has kept up her looks and even after 4 kids she is still a stunning beauty!!


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

I personally think that this is all about your options. I'm in a close to sexless marriage, still young and i still get a lot of attention from guys. Sometimes so much attention that i get frustrated. 

Still, as many opportunities as i may have had, i never took advantage of any of them, or had the intention (want) to. Why? First of because of my principles. I don't give a damn that no one would know. What's the deal with that? I could secretly kill someone and no one would know. Does that make it right? the whole idea of being trustworthy in a marriage (the most important thing despite how stupid our society has become) is how you behave when your spouse is NOT around. I personally am married when i'm alone at work, on the street etc too..This explains why i don't ever consider cheating, but not the reduced interest and attraction for other guys. 

The latter is explained by the many options i have. The more you can't get something the more you want it. This is why, in my opinion, people who aren't being offered sex by strangers very often see it as a big deal when it does happen. That's also why it suddenly becomes so tempting and irresistable. I've never denied myself the option of sex with other people, trying to supress the attraction. I just know i have something great at home and out of respect for our relationship (which i'm contributing to with MY actions) i wouldn't ruin all that because of less than one hour of nookie.
Don't get me wrong, i'll look at hot guys passing down the street. I'll think they're hot. I know i'd do them if i was single. And i'll admit to that any day. But don't find them better and more tempting than my husband. I made sure i was both attracted to his physics and personality when i chose to marry him. Years later i still am.


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