# non stop arguing



## lavin999 (May 27, 2016)

Hi, ive been in a relationship for about 4 months now and ended up getting pregnant while on bc. When my bf and I got together everything was fine until he moved in with me. He quit his job and moved up here. After moving in he became lazy and didnt want to do anything or look for a job. Hes 20 yrs old and im 22. I already have two kids of my own that i have all the time. We've been arguing everyday about stupid stuff. I ask him to get up and help and he refuses. Hes always saying that if you let me smoke pot again ill do stuff and wont flip out. Well i dont like pot plus how would he even get a good job if he cant pass a drug test. Ive been through hell with him and have tried to get him to change and realize he cant live free. Everyone else ive talked to has told me to leave him. Im just too kind hearted. Ive done the pros and cons and yes the cons out way by a lot. I just neef someone elses advice. When hes gone im stress free but when hes home its nothing but arguing and fighting and him breaking stuff. Idk what to do.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do you have a job?

ETA: I meant, are you financially able to support yourself and three kids?

ETA Again: Make that you and FOUR kids.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You're too kind hearted? Jesus, you're 22 with two kids and 1 on the way with a deadbeat loser. Kick him out and evaluate your birth options. It's only been 4 months and it will get worse.


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## lavin999 (May 27, 2016)

Yes im 22 with 2 kids ive been married and divorced and now im pregnant with twins. Ive been told that im too kind hearted. I dont like hurting people. Idk how to tell him im done. Everybody can see that im not happy when hes around.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Only four months? Too late to abort? He's not going to be more help when babies come and especially if he's not working and smoking pot. Time to kick him out.


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## lavin999 (May 27, 2016)

Im only 8 weeks pregnant and idk how to tell him to leave. I know it will hurt my kids more than me. Hes good with my kids every now and then but they love him.


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## lavin999 (May 27, 2016)

Yes im able to support myself and my children. I was raised to not rely on a man.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Your kids don't love him. Its only been 4 months.

He has shown you what he is. Apparently you have a hard time believing him. If you lack the self-respect to kick him out, then you are in for a tough life.

I feel bad for your kids. 

I suggest you grow up, and grow up quick. For your kids' sake.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

4 children by the time you are 23 between 2 fathers... your life will be interesting no doubt.

If there is no work, how is there money for recreational imbibing?

While you are finding you have to now grow up even faster (22 is not the age for these issues, yet these issues always seem to find this age), you need to find some structure for your and your children, any refusal for your boyfriend to get on this path and do what you all need is horribly selfish and immature and I doubt seriously he will find it in cannabis at this stage in his life.

Talk to a free attorney though your local family services, be aware of all the programs that will give you a hand up, if you haven't started planning how to further your education into a skill (be it vocational or certificated) so that you can support your 4 children without any assistance besides child support (the fathers owe you this), plan your life around working with other families that are grounded in life skills and improvement and please take a more focused solution in birth control, consider something fail-safe (with 4 children, a permanent solution can be considered, really).

Never forget, everything you do today to prepare for your future is important because you are losing a day in your life to do it.

You have wasted too many already... when you build a better future for your children, you cannot help but be carried by the current yourself.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is your ex-H reliable enough to watch the two kids while you are giving birth to the twins?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You aren't too kind-hearted, you are a doormat. There's a difference. And you need to set a better example for the two children you have. Having a man lying around sucking off your teat isn't setting a good example for them, nor the pot smoking. You need a script?

"Loser, you aren't really contributing anything here and I can't afford to keep feeding, housing and providing for you. You have one week to find a place to live. I will be changing the locks after that. I can't go on like this and need to focus my energy on me and my children. So let's go get some boxes."


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

> Too late to abort?


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## lavin999 (May 27, 2016)

Im a mechanic i make enough to support my family. My ex is good with keeping his kids and watching them when i need him too. Like i said i was on birth control when i got pregnant so no i didnt expect this nor want it. Im just trying to find a way to tell him to leave. I dont want him here bc i know he wont change and bc im not happy. I have a bad past with men and abuse so im scared. I understand i have some growing up to do but i have everything i can going for me except for a good man. I own my own house i have for three years. I have a great jobs that ive had for 6 years. Im just scared of the outcome of me twlling him to leave. My problem is trying to get the right words out and (growing some balls) to tell him to leave. I appreciate everyones comments. I really needed some advice and people to talk to.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

lavin999 said:


> Hi, ive been in a relationship for about 4 months now and ended up getting pregnant while on bc. When my bf and I got together everything was fine until he moved in with me. He quit his job and moved up here. After moving in he became lazy and didnt want to do anything or look for a job. Hes 20 yrs old and im 22. I already have two kids of my own that i have all the time. We've been arguing everyday about stupid stuff. I ask him to get up and help and he refuses. Hes always saying that if you let me smoke pot again ill do stuff and wont flip out. Well i dont like pot plus how would he even get a good job if he cant pass a drug test. Ive been through hell with him and have tried to get him to change and realize he cant live free. Everyone else ive talked to has told me to leave him. Im just too kind hearted. Ive done the pros and cons and yes the cons out way by a lot. I just neef someone elses advice. When hes gone im stress free but when hes home its nothing but arguing and fighting and him breaking stuff. Idk what to do.


You are subjecting yourself and kids to a person that confers no benefits and you keep this arrangement because you don't want his feelings hurt? What about you and the kids?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Dump him. 
Set up a child support order. 
That will get him off his butt & working! 
Otherwise he'll forever be a lazy pot head. Forever

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

lavin999 said:


> Im a mechanic i make enough to support my family. My ex is good with keeping his kids and watching them when i need him too. Like i said i was on birth control when i got pregnant so no i didnt expect this nor want it. Im just trying to find a way to tell him to leave. I dont want him here bc i know he wont change and bc im not happy. I have a bad past with men and abuse so im scared. I understand i have some growing up to do but i have everything i can going for me except for a good man. I own my own house i have for three years. I have a great jobs that ive had for 6 years. Im just scared of the outcome of me twlling him to leave. My problem is trying to get the right words out and (growing some balls) to tell him to leave. I appreciate everyones comments. I really needed some advice and people to talk to.


Bully for you milady, you have the skills and resources then to care for your young family.

Now apply that confidence in self with common sense to your relationships and you will lead a satisfying life.

"Get right in your mind and life with us or get out of the way in my life", 'tis that simple.

Don't commit to the next without vetting quality in a partner with mettle.

'Tis hard to say, the rewards will come nonetheless.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and focus on what could go right.... (not my saying but one I love).


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

lavin999 said:


> Im a mechanic i make enough to support my family. My ex is good with keeping his kids and watching them when i need him too. Like i said i was on birth control when i got pregnant so no i didnt expect this nor want it. Im just trying to find a way to tell him to leave. I dont want him here bc i know he wont change and bc im not happy. I have a bad past with men and abuse so im scared. I understand i have some growing up to do but i have everything i can going for me except for a good man. I own my own house i have for three years. I have a great jobs that ive had for 6 years. Im just scared of the outcome of me twlling him to leave. My problem is trying to get the right words out and *(growing some balls)* to tell him to leave. I appreciate everyones comments. I really needed some advice and people to talk to.


Well Lavin, if you are real you have more "balls" at 22 than I have at 50. You don't need me or anyone else to tell you what you need to do. You already know.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

lavin999 said:


> Hi, ive been in a relationship for about 4 months now and ended up getting pregnant while on bc. When my bf and I got together everything was fine until he moved in with me. He quit his job and moved up here. After moving in he became lazy and didnt want to do anything or look for a job. Hes 20 yrs old and im 22. I already have two kids of my own that i have all the time. We've been arguing everyday about stupid stuff. I ask him to get up and help and he refuses. Hes always saying that if you let me smoke pot again ill do stuff and wont flip out. Well i dont like pot plus how would he even get a good job if he cant pass a drug test. Ive been through hell with him and have tried to get him to change and realize he cant live free. Everyone else ive talked to has told me to leave him. Im just too kind hearted. Ive done the pros and cons and yes the cons out way by a lot. I just neef someone elses advice. When hes gone im stress free but when hes home its nothing but arguing and fighting and him breaking stuff. Idk what to do.


He is a jobless 20 yr old pothead with an anger problem, even with four kids you could do better. You throw all his crap in a garbage bag while he's out some evening, leave it on your doorstep and call the police if he wont leave your property when he picks it up.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I guess the sex was good huh.. in the future... don't sleep with men who are losers like this.. it only sets you up in a bad place... it would be awful to get an abortion ... that's just a bad place to be.. Stop being so nice.. and be more choosy in who you allow into your life.. you have kids now.. you want a man who will be a good example to them also..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lavin999 said:


> Im a mechanic i make enough to support my family. My ex is good with keeping his kids and watching them when i need him too. Like i said i was on birth control when i got pregnant so no i didnt expect this nor want it. Im just trying to find a way to tell him to leave. I dont want him here bc i know he wont change and bc im not happy. I have a bad past with men and abuse so im scared. I understand i have some growing up to do but i have everything i can going for me except for a good man. I own my own house i have for three years. I have a great jobs that ive had for 6 years. Im just scared of the outcome of me twlling him to leave. My problem is trying to get the right words out and (growing some balls) to tell him to leave. I appreciate everyones comments. I really needed some advice and people to talk to.


A mechanic, huh? Good for you! :smthumbup:

Too many people stereotyped into jobs that don't fulfil them!

And you don't need him, do you?


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

If you can cope with the pregnancy you may get aid from some of the Cattholic or Christian support agencies. You do have the option of adoption. You cannot continue to have him in your home as he is causing you and your children to suffer due to his laziness and bad habits. Get your ex husband to take your kids for the day and send him out to the store to get something, pack up his things and leave them in the front yard. Don't let him take your car. If he doesn't get the hint call the police and ask them to remove him from your house.


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