# Not sure what to feel



## septooth (Oct 16, 2011)

*My wife (28) and I (35) have been together and lived together for 10 years, married for 5 years. I have 4 children, (boys 16, 13, 10 and 6). 3 from a previous marriage and one from my wife. My wife has been the mother to these kids since my oldest was 6. My previous marriage prior was a teenage mistake. My wife has been a great mother and wife since we have been together. I have had all 3 of my children in my custody for 9 years. The first year me and my wife were together my 3 children were with their biological mother due to going thru the divorce. I was seeing them on the weekends for a year. During that first year we had our fun together as new lovers. We partied alot and did many fun things together. When it came down to it, I ended up with full custody of my children and we worked out of our weekend parent lifestyle into a life built for the kids. We still had our fun times when we could, but we changed our lives around to bring up a family. 5 years into our relationship we decided to get married and then found out we were having a baby. 
Me and my wife have always had a good relationship, we have always enjoyed each others company. But I have always had this issue with trust for some reason that is starting to eat on our relationship and I need to figure out what my problem is before I really screw things up. She has never done anything to give me a reason to not trust her. If anything she has giving me plenty of reasons why I should trust her. She is a family orientated woman. She has been with my since she was 18 years old. Taking care of my kids like their own mother. She is a great house wife. She is a clean freak. She doesn't go out with girls on girls night out when she is invited. She says she rather go out and do stuff with friends when we can be with each other and I do the same. Yet every time we are asked by a friend to go somewhere where we can both be together and party with some friends for a night I have a panic attack. I start worrying about everything. 
My wife is a very beautiful girl. And I know most people will say that about their wife but anyone who knows my wife would say the same. I am not afraid to admit that her beauty does have something to do with being jealous. But I know it must be wrong.
The other thing that I think is bothering me is all of a sudden it just seems like things are starting to change a little bit. We are starting to become more involved in the community. We are meeting more couples that have familys and being invited to peoples parties to hang out and drink for the night. Over this last year we probally went out to a bar or over at someones house 6 times this year and have 3 more parties to go to by new year. One being a concert with all of our kids friends parents. You would think that this would excite me to get out with my wife and have a good time away from the kids for a night 10 times a year. Instead it freaks me out for some reason. I think what I really am afraid of is change. I am afraid my wife will start wanting to drink all the time and I don't really want to. I am afraid of losing the closeness that me and my wife have had for years. I am afraid that other women will get in her head and change the way she has always felt for me. Am I totally over reacting or what. I don't want to take away who she is. But it seems like I am having such a hard time trying not to be possessive. 
My main concern is the health of our marriage and I feel like I am slowly killing that. When I am overreacting about stuff I think I have the right to, like that is the way I should feel. But then when I take time and sit back and think of the whole picture I feel like a total ass, asking myself what am I so worried about.
Maybe this isn't the solution...But I went to the Dr. the other day and was put on 25mg a day of an anti-anxiety med called Zoloft. And am also taking xantax .25 mg a few times a day for a moth untill the Zoloft starts working. Doctor said I may have Generalized anxiety disorder.
Whether the meds work or make it worse, I would still like to hear from anyone who has some words of wisdom that may help me.*


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