# New here. My story.



## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Me: 34
ExWife: 30
No kids.

Please, let me know your opinions: Here goes:

Met in July 2008. She lived 4 hours away and we did LDR for about 8 months until I found her a great "in" on a job in her field. She moved here around April 2009. 

Upon meeting back in 2008 it was love at first sight. We both "just knew". 

Relationship was GREAT for a long time. Never a fight. Got along just great. I proposed Nov. 2010. She was thrilled. Married Nov. 2011. 

The past year of M hasn't been bad. But the affection on her part was gone. SOmething was amiss. Finally, Sept 2012 I sat her down and we talked. She was "unhappy" etc. She wanted out. Already had her plan to move to Florida (company HQ).

I tried to convince her of M counseling but no. She admitted going to see someone on her own for a few weeks already. Probably to help in the secret divorce planning. 

I asked if there was someone else. "NO". Just wasn't like her anyway. Finally I cracked her cell phone's password.

What I found: emails to a MM (coworker from another plant location) DURING OUR HONEYMOON!!. Basically the ones I saw were W: I really really miss you. OM: Sending you a kiss on the cheek. How's antigua?"
She claims just friends.. but it's all bs. This MM lives 1000 miles away and apparently she flies to his plant location for work every now and then. EA at the least. He's married with kids and 45 years old.

Talked with a few of her coworkers back home here.. "yes, when they were together they were ultra flirtatious".

I then discovered small gifts she was sending him before engagement and even after M.. even on Vday. 

Then found a text on her cell "fading out of my M and into someone at work" Her excuse (gaslighting): I meant fading into my work.. as in becoming more into her job. Ha.

So basically she moved out and is now living happily in Florda. This OM lives in MIssiouri, but now can fly down to company headquarters without a problem and see her. "Honey, i have to be out of town in Florida for work".

Just rec'd my divorce decree today.

Unreal.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Additional details:

1. red flags: still communicating with exflings about a month after meeting her. She said they were just back ups. (wow).
2. I can get info on books she buys (inside source). Last one was about a man who screws up all his relationships because of his cheating. Telling.
3. Upon me finding out about the cell phone/emails: She gets hysterical and tells me "there's something wrong with me...I can't be married". I think she may be a serial cheater.


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## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT? (Sep 28, 2012)

That sucks, so sorry you are here. Welcome to the club no one ever wants to join.

Seems like you are ready to move on, and I would agree. That level of deceit at the outset of your marriage is a HUGE warning sign. And no kids yet means you need to get out and thank your lucky stars it happened this fast. I know it sounds weird, but learning all of this 2 kids and 6 years down the road would be a MUCH bigger mess with a lot more casualties.

My advice for your next step is to go nuclear. You need to inform the other man's wife what has been happening. Then you need to expose it to their work as well, preferably HR department. I also think you need to expose this to her family, and make sure you are honest with your family as well. 

The need for exposure is real. The other man's wife deserves to know what she is married to. And your ex-wife needs to understand that her behavior is damaging to herself and those around her. She will have no chance of becoming a better person and finding happiness until she begins to understand that what she is doing and why. She can't do that until someone gives her the slap of reality she needs. So blow it up as your final parting gift to her. Plus, karma needs a little help sometimes. 

While it is HIGHLY likely this has been physical for quite some time, any chance you can get proof of that before exposing? Maybe the other man's wife can help you snoop?

So two next steps:

1. Count your blessings.
2. Blow it up!


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Some random observations:

She's not the kind of woman who can be committed to one man.
She has a sense of entitlement to share her soul and body with whom ever she wants, when she wants.
She doesn't love you, she was using you.
Long distance relationships don't work.
You have no kids, dump her
Expose her for the **** that she is
Next time, look closely at the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Thank god you are out of that mess, work on yourself including IC , start exercising or working out and develop some old or new hobbies you are young enough that when the time is right the woman of your dreams will appear and take it slow 

Good Luck


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Just rec'd my divorce decree today.


Good for you, you just saved yourself from a hellish life of deceit, and to top it off, she's 1000 miles away, it doesn't get any better than that. Forget you knew this person. Destroy pictures, remove her from contacts, Facebook, anything connected, erase her, she was a short, badly written chapter in your life.

T


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME said:


> And your ex-wife needs to understand that her behavior is damaging to herself and those around her. She will have no chance of becoming a better person and finding happiness until she begins to understand that what she is doing and why. She can't do that until someone gives her the slap of reality she needs. So blow it up as your final parting gift to her. Plus, karma needs a little help sometimes.


I understand the desire to do the above, but I would advise against doing anything at all, you're out of her life, tinkering around with anything at all that involves her is a negative to your own well-being, let it go.

T


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Tony55 said:


> I understand the desire to do the above, but I would advise against doing anything at all, you're out of her life, tinkering around with anything at all that involves her is a negative to your own well-being, let it go.
> 
> T


I agree that the OP shouldn't be trying to exact any revenge on his ex-wife. However, I recommend that he try to protect an innocent wife and her children from living in complete ignorance of the evil the man of the house is doing under their noses.

If the OM were single, then I would agree to let it go.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

*and What if I told you....*










*you just dodged a bunch of bullets....*



*do you think this is unhappiness your feeling now?*


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Thanks for the support fellas (and ladies).

Funny thing is is that she is pretty high up as an HR benefits manager!

OM is a plant manager who is in charge of three different plants. This is quite a large publicly company we're talking here as well. As she is in charge of HIS benefits, there is quite a conflict that if the board of directors knew about, I'm sure they wouldn't be happy.

I SO very badly want to expose to the OMW, but I'm fearful of some sort of repurcussion in terms of defamation, etc. (i'm a lawyer so I get a tad nervous). 

I really don't have much proof outside of the honeymoon emails being sent. I have zero proof of PA, even though it seems highly unlikely something didn't happen. This october she also came back from a business trip with a bunch of CD's he made for her as well. Trips are legit as she is in charge of giving benefits lectures to workers.

We are now divorced as well.

I guess the thing that irks me the most (besides the EXTREME betrayal) is that she just hops and moves, starting fresh. I'm stuck here in a small town answering all the questions. I live in the same house where she was, so everything reminds me of her. And she was a beautiful woman. 

I guess I'm writing all this to get some of it all out.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Tony55 said:


> Good for you, you just saved yourself from a hellish life of deceit, and to top it off, she's 1000 miles away, it doesn't get any better than that. Forget you knew this person. Destroy pictures, remove her from contacts, Facebook, anything connected, erase her, she was a short, badly written chapter in your life.
> 
> T


THIS.

This is what i'm focusing on now. 

Weird thing is is that when she moved out, she took EVERYTHING with her that was indicia of our relationship. Pictures, cards, etc. I have NOTHING left to even show I knew this woman. This struck me as strange that she would do that. Almost like she tried to erase our existance.

And guys, i'm really not a bad guy at all. I'm attractive, make good money, am sweet, kind, more alpha than beta, etc. 

I think what it boils down to is that she is an attention seeker that can't seem to say no to male attention. She told me that she's always had a hard time feeling accepted in relationships.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Tryingtobreath said:


> And she was a beautiful woman.


Beautiful? lol. Hardly. She's a wreched, broken and repulsive creature. Easy on the eyes perhaps, but as far from beautiful as you'll find.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

They cannot defame you for the truth. Now that you are done with divorce , Expose her to the HR and then find the OMW and tell her what you found. Tell them exactly what you found. Nothing more or nothing less.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Funny thing is is that she is pretty high up as an HR benefits manager!
> 
> OM is a plant manager who is in charge of three different plants. This is quite a large publicly company we're talking here as well. As she is in charge of HIS benefits, there is quite a conflict that if the board of directors knew about, I'm sure they wouldn't be happy.


Methinks that the company would not like to see an "alienation of affection" suit brought against it because their employee (OM) interfered with your marriage.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

This kind of woman is simply no marriage material, they seek the high of the newness and when the first bright object (new OM) pops up she shift the focus immediately. She's permanently "open" to new higs. She acknowlege (I have problems). And she's a serial cheater, overlaping relationship is no problem at all.
The attention span of a squirrel. Sorta emotional ADD/ADHD.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Funny thing is is that she is pretty high up as an HR benefits manager!
> 
> OM is a plant manager who is in charge of three different plants. This is quite a large publicly company we're talking here as well. As she is in charge of HIS benefits, there is quite a conflict that if the board of directors knew about, I'm sure they wouldn't be happy.
> 
> I SO very badly want to expose to the OMW, but I'm fearful of some sort of repurcussion in terms of defamation, etc. (i'm a lawyer so I get a tad nervous).


I'm not a lawyer, I'm an accountant (a CFO Type) and I think I know enough about the law to say that someone can't win a judgment against you for liable if you are telling the truth and you have proof of it ... or am I wrong about this?

I'm a huge believer in revenge when it comes to these matters. I also feel that someone who behaves as she does, with married employees in her company is a risk to the firm ... and I say that as a CFO type. So, at the very least the executives at her company should know about it. If it's a public company, they won't take it lightly.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> I SO very badly want to expose to the OMW, but I'm fearful of some sort of repurcussion in terms of defamation, etc. (i'm a lawyer so I get a tad nervous).


1. There is no defamation in stating what you know (for example, lovey emails, field reports of inappropriate camaraderie, her statements that she is not marriage material and departure) or the conclusions you have drawn from what you know. As long as the conclusions are stated as such -this is what I know, have seen, or heard; this is what I am lead to believe.

2. I can't imagine an unfaithful spouse even threatening to sue for defamation. Discovery and depositions. That will be fun for the family. Proof of mens rea and all? Damages? What damages? You ain't got no stinkin damages. And all of this is assuming an innocent plaintiff.

You are not going to be sued for defamation unless either your ex or her AP believes that they have (i) a war chest they are happy to part with in order to crush you in litigation and (ii) the sociopathic disposition to want to crush you simply for the sake of demonstrating that they can.

I am not saying that you should go around trashing these people for fun and sport, but do not be afraid of the truth. 

Stick to what you have seen and heard and what you believe


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Sure the truth is always a great defense to defamation. But I just can't have any fallout due to any litigation. It would be too damaging to my career. And really, do I need to suffer any more blows on this thing?

I firmly believe that Exwife will screw something up on her own. Either Karma or the OW will find out someway or another. 

Just frustrating as I feel my hands are tied.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Very good points Harken.

And if I WAS to expose, it would only be to OMW, not the employer. And youre right, what damages? Thats a key element in proving def.

I've disclosed all this to my parents and brother. All lawyers with good vision. They all say NOT to expose in any way and that I should just move on. I can't risk fallout.

Some things in life just SUCK.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Acabado said:


> The attention span of a squirrel.


LOL !!! always looking for another nut too.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Sure the truth is always a great defense to defamation. But I just can't have any fallout due to any litigation. It would be too damaging to my career. And really, do I need to suffer any more blows on this thing?
> 
> I firmly believe that Exwife will screw something up on her own. Either Karma or the OW will find out someway or another.
> 
> Just frustrating as I feel my hands are tied.


I don't think your hands are not as tied as you believe they are, unless you work for the same firm, and even then, I think you can still do it. Please explain: What fall out?

Edit: If it's one thing I see from BS's on this site when it comes to exposing, it's fear. I just don't get it. Maybe I have more balls than brains.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Fall out could be anything that jeopardizes my career. 

OM could try to exact revenge for my exposing. Who knows. 

Do I really want to risk any more damage to myself on a count of my exwife who just turned out to be damaged goods?

OR should I just move on and try to forget this nasty chapter of my life? Plus, isn't exposure just keeping my wounds open?


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## Batty (Dec 20, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Very good points Harken.
> 
> And if I WAS to expose, it would only be to OMW, not the employer. And youre right, what damages? Thats a key element in proving def.
> 
> ...


Listen to your smart lawyer family, and ignore a bunch of anonymous internet blowhards. Move on. You don't need lawsuits, restraining orders, and professional embarrassment to remind you of a crappy marriage. It's over.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Fall out could be anything that jeopardizes my career.
> 
> OM could try to exact revenge for my exposing. Who knows.
> 
> ...


If you say so.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Batty said:


> Listen to your smart lawyer family, and ignore a bunch of anonymous internet blowhards. Move on. You don't need lawsuits, restraining orders, and professional embarrassment to remind you of a crappy marriage. It's over.


God forbid anyone should make a cheater pay.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

I believe she should pay.

But at potentially my expense? I think about all the money, time, and emotion I invested into this women. I SO want revenge. She walked out on me and never even really apologized. Just gone. I have so many unanswered questions and I know i'll never get answers. She is probably embarrassed with herself and she knows that I am the only one that knows about her issues. She's never gonna fess up.

I just need to move on and focus on me now. She will live a miserable existence and will never have a family of her own. She'll probably wind up with herpes.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> I think what it boils down to is that she is an attention seeker that can't seem to say no to male attention.


I have a weakness for women like this. This is a fault of mine, not hers. Just sayin...........

My psychologist tells me this is what _I_ need to work on.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

The day it's against the law in this country to tell the truth is the day I leave this country.

You aren't going to get sued. POSOM's gonna have enough trouble on his hands dealing with a raging wife. You can listen to your family all you want, your choice, but I have never seen anyone get sued for exposing to employers or other BSs.

Ever.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Disenchanted said:


> I have a weakness for women like this. This is a fault of mine, not hers. Just sayin...........
> 
> My psychologist tells me this is what _I_ need to work on.


You mean that you attract these types of women? I think I do too. 

Most women i've dated have approached me and shown me interest. These are the types I need to stay away from. 

I need to approach a women next time. The ones that approach YOU are probably trouble/attention seekers.


Is this what your psych said?


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## heartbroken3 (Jan 3, 2013)

Hi new here and don't know where to post but i REALLY need some advice I can't stop crying, eat, or sleep!  So my husband and I have been married for a year and half but we've been together for a little over 5 years. Have lived together for 4 years. I just last night found out via his old emails that he cheated on me 3 years ago. Mind you we were living together at the time and it was about 6 months before he asked me to marry him. He went all the way had a one night stand with this older MARRIED women and then continued to talk to her for about a week. Via emails and phone then they meet up again in which he claims they just talked. I can't help but wonder how many times this has happen!!! Things were great between us we have a home good jobs and were starting to try to have a baby (ps i really hope im not preg now). Our sex life is great and we get along great. I don't even know why I checked his email I never check his phone or snoop. But it was open and for some reason something was telling me to look at his emails. I just don't know what to do now he says he is willing to spend the rest of his life telling me that he is not that person anymore that it was a mistake. But I'm so hurt and deceived and can't help but wonder how many times it happen?! Do I move on and try to make this work? Can I? Oh and he is away for military training in a diff. state I won't see him till Feb. Which i'm actually happy about I don't think I could look at him right now... Sorry this is soo long I really hope someone can help me!!! PLEASE oh and he claims he did it because we were in a bad place which from my recollection we weren't? I never thought we were going to break up? And we have always had an active sex life? The emails between them he said she was a breath of fresh air and he was so happy they met. The betrayal I feel is overwhelming HOW DO I GET OVER THIS CAN I???!!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> *and What if I told you....*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Had to quote this for sheer awesomeness!!!


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> I SO want revenge.


Breathe. Draw in, exhale, let it go.



Tryingtobreath said:


> I just need to move on and focus on me now.


Yes.

I understand exposure when it is to kill an affair when you are trying to save your marriage or to perform an act of service to OMW or OWH. It is also my view that you should allow yourself to speak honestly about the circumstances in which your marriage fell apart. And any time that is therapeutic. That may entail some disclosure.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

heartbroken3 said:


> Hi new here and don't know where to post but i REALLY need some advice I can't stop crying, eat, or sleep!  So my husband and I have been married for a year and half but we've been together for a little over 5 years. Have lived together for 4 years. I just last night found out via his old emails that he cheated on me 3 years ago. Mind you we were living together at the time and it was about 6 months before he asked me to marry him. He went all the way had a one night stand with this older MARRIED women and then continued to talk to her for about a week. Via emails and phone then they meet up again in which he claims they just talked. I can't help but wonder how many times this has happen!!! Things were great between us we have a home good jobs and were starting to try to have a baby (ps i really hope im not preg now). Our sex life is great and we get along great. I don't even know why I checked his email I never check his phone or snoop. But it was open and for some reason something was telling me to look at his emails. I just don't know what to do now he says he is willing to spend the rest of his life telling me that he is not that person anymore that it was a mistake. But I'm so hurt and deceived and can't help but wonder how many times it happen?! Do I move on and try to make this work? Can I? Oh and he is away for military training in a diff. state I won't see him till Feb. Which i'm actually happy about I don't think I could look at him right now... Sorry this is soo long I really hope someone can help me!!! PLEASE oh and he claims he did it because we were in a bad place which from my recollection we weren't? I never thought we were going to break up? And we have always had an active sex life? The emails between them he said she was a breath of fresh air and he was so happy they met. The betrayal I feel is overwhelming HOW DO I GET OVER THIS CAN I???!!


Heartbroken, start a new thread. Your own.



heartbroken3 said:


> The betrayal I feel is overwhelming


Well understood around here.



heartbroken3 said:


> HOW DO I GET OVER THIS CAN I???!!


2 Questions there, and they are both tricky. Start a new thread. More importantly, talk to a marriage counselor. A good marriage counselor. There are many really, really good ones. And some who are bad. If you have friends you can talk to about recommendations for a good counselor, do that. The good counselors are invaluable.


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## heartbroken3 (Jan 3, 2013)

Harken

Thank you for your response! I'm not sure how to start my own thread? I just found out last night so I haven't told any of my friends and family I don't know if I will but I know I can't keep this all inside. Hints reaching out on this board. I'll have to do some researching to find a marriage counselor. Thanks again!


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> You mean that you attract these types of women? I think I do too.
> 
> Most women i've dated have approached me and shown me interest. These are the types I need to stay away from.
> 
> ...


Precisely. In fact, I have never been with a woman who did not approach me first.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

You might read up on this. "Personality disorder" denotes a serious level of dysfunction. However, many women are histrionic in nature but still able to function well in society.

Histrionic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

I think the moral of the story is...

A healthy person validates themselves from within, an unhealthy person looks for external validation and will never find it on the long term.

This is a major cause of affairs IMO.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Very good points Harken.
> 
> And if I WAS to expose, it would only be to OMW, not the employer. And youre right, what damages? Thats a key element in proving def.
> 
> I've disclosed all this to my parents and brother. All lawyers with good vision. They all say NOT to expose in any way and that I should just move on. I can't risk fallout.


Unless you're an Amish politician, I don't understand what professional fallout you could possibly have from being a betrayed spouse.

But Harken was correct. If you think a disloyal husband wants to publicly sue you for mucking up his marriage by exposing his misdeeds, then you don't understand disloyal spouses. Personally, that would be a lawsuit I would love to witness. Let's start deposing coworkers to see who saw what and when. Is his defense going to be that your ex wife's hand was actually four inches from his crotch at dinner instead of three, like you claim? Disloyal spouses want to sweep everything under the rug as quickly as possible.

As for your ex wife, I agree that she will take care of herself. As for the other man's wife, I just have a different moral standard than some, I suppose. It's possible that she has no idea what her husband is up to. I couldn't leave her ignorant in good conscience. That's like watching a woman walking toward a cliff and saying nothing. Maybe she would stop on her own. Maybe somebody else would help her. But I would certainly feel obligated to speak up and alert her of the danger she's facing. I'm sure you wish one of your wife's friends or coworkers would have alerted you to her affair.

Good luck.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

if you're a lawyer, then you should already know that "defamation of character" is very hard to prove. if her standing in the community hasn't taken a hit, she has no case. telling the OMW is not considered defamation, with the evidence you already have. this is the TRUTH! 

i'm not a lawyer by the way, but i did stay at a Holiday Inn. 


i still say you need to expose this.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Exposing him to his family is not going to help your situation in any way. You are just going to bring another family down with you. Even if his wife is unhappy but is putting up with him for the kids, or maybe she is happy and doesn't know, bringing this into the light will only hurt all of them and the kids. You will still not have your wife back. No one will be better off. 
I'm pretty sure most of the good "post affair" books say the same.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Kermitty said:


> Exposing him to his family is not going to help your situation in any way. You are just going to bring another family down with you. Even if his wife is unhappy but is putting up with him for the kids, or maybe she is happy and doesn't know, bringing this into the light will only hurt all of them and the kids. You will still not have your wife back. No one will be better off.
> I'm pretty sure most of the good "post affair" books say the same.


No offense, but you're full of crap. When it comes to affairs, ignorance is not bliss. Something approaching 100% of betrayed spouses would have liked someone to tip them off before they ultimately learned of their spouse's affair.

By your logic, the person who has cancer is doing just fine until the doctor comes along and spoils his ignorance with the bad news. Should we counsel doctors to stay quiet because nobody will be helped with the truth?

The OP may be able to shed some light on the matter. If it were possible for him to go back in time and not learn of his wife's affair, would he? He could believe that she's faithful and she could be screwing another man. Does that sound like a good plan to the OP, or anybody else?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Very good points Harken.
> 
> And if I WAS to expose, it would only be to OMW, not the employer. And youre right, what damages? Thats a key element in proving def.
> 
> ...


Send the OMW an anon. letter. Put a bug in her ear. Give her enough evidence to make her suspicious.

Give her a break. Do you wish that someone had told you that the two of them were "flirtatious" together as you stated?

Give her the chance you didn't get. It may prove to be for nothing, or it could lead to OM getting what he deserves.

Or do you want to see OM walk away clean from this after taking your wife and aiding in the destruction of your marriage?

Your choice. Be active or passive.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

*Do everything that you can to forget this woman. She has a very serious character flaw.*

Stop questioning yourself and learn from your crises.

Take the right actions and in a year or two she will be nothing more than a teacher of how a character flawed person hurts decent people.

Be thankful that you got out before you had children with her or you were married to her long enough that she would take half of what financial assets you built up.

*Considering what would happen to you if you stayed married to her for a long time, you are a lucky man*


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> No offense, but you're full of crap. When it comes to affairs, ignorance is not bliss. Something approaching 100% of betrayed spouses would have liked someone to tip them off before they ultimately learned of their spouse's affair.
> 
> By your logic, the person who has cancer is doing just fine until the doctor comes along and spoils his ignorance with the bad news. Should we counsel doctors to stay quiet because nobody will be helped with the truth?
> 
> The OP may be able to shed some light on the matter. If it were possible for him to go back in time and not learn of his wife's affair, would he? He could believe that she's faithful and she could be screwing another man. Does that sound like a good plan to the OP, or anybody else?


You make a good point. I have to disagree.  someone with cancer will absolutely die without medical intervention. Someone living in ignorant bliss with a cheating spouse can do so especially if the cheating spouse come to their senses on their own. As with everything, it depends on the situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tryingtobreath said:


> Very good points Harken.
> 
> And if I WAS to expose, it would only be to OMW, not the employer. And youre right, what damages? Thats a key element in proving def.
> 
> ...


In a lawsuit all of their texts, emails, phone records etc. would come out. Even if they had deleted them. Why didn't you subpeona the texts etc. during your divorce?

LOL, whats the point of being a lawyer if you can't use it for your own personal needs?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tryingtobreath said:


> I believe she should pay.
> 
> But at potentially my expense? I think about all the money, time, and emotion I invested into this women. I SO want revenge. She walked out on me and never even really apologized. Just gone. I have so many unanswered questions and I know i'll never get answers. She is probably embarrassed with herself and she knows that I am the only one that knows about her issues. She's never gonna fess up.
> 
> I just need to move on and focus on me now. She will live a miserable existence and will never have a family of her own. She'll probably wind up with herpes.


I hope you are a better litigator for your clients than you are for yourself. You sure don't sound like a junk yard lawyer.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Kermitty said:


> Exposing him to his family is not going to help your situation in any way. You are just going to bring another family down with you. Even if his wife is unhappy but is putting up with him for the kids, or maybe she is happy and doesn't know, bringing this into the light will only hurt all of them and the kids. You will still not have your wife back. No one will be better off.
> I'm pretty sure most of the good "post affair" books say the same.


Translation: What I think Kermitty is saying here is that if her husband/SO /Boyriend is riding all the town bicycles it would be awful if someone told her about it. She doesn't want to know if her SO is banging someone she knows, that he might bring home AIDS, etc. Everything will be OKAY as long aas he keeps it quiet. I think this is what she means but protecting cheaters, especially by the betrayed spouses, is incomprehensible to me. And by the way, protecting cheaters is not what an alpha or even a beta does , that somewhere near omega.

If it were alpha, her boyfriend would already be on cheaterville.com and the billboard nearest his home.

When people here how you handled this, what is that going to do to your rep? I would think an attorney would want to be feared.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

chapparal said:


> Translation: What I think Kermitty is saying here is that if her husband/SO /Boyriend is riding all the town bicycles it would be awful if someone told her about it. She doesn't want to know if her SO is banging someone she knows, that he might bring home AIDS, etc. Everything will be OKAY as long aas he keeps it quiet. I think this is what she means but protecting cheaters, especially by the betrayed spouses, is incomprehensible to me. And by the way, protecting cheaters is not what an alpha or even a beta does , that somewhere near omega.
> 
> If it were alpha, her boyfriend would already be on cheaterville.com and the billboard nearest his home.
> 
> *When people here how you handled this, what is that going to do to your rep? I would think an attorney would want to be feared*.


Damn straight.

I would bet that in most cases OMW would want to know, especially as Chap says with the risk of STDs.

And, as a man, I would want to strike back. I know it's considered a knuckle-dragging thing to do, very primitive, but I believe it's hard wired in us.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Malaise said:


> Damn straight.
> 
> I would bet that in most cases OMW would want to know, especially as Chap says with the risk of STDs.
> 
> And, as a man, I would want to strike back. I know it's considered a knuckle-dragging thing to do, very primitive, but I believe it's hard wired in us.


The lack of knuckle is why there is an epedimic of cuckholds. At least thats one theory.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

This is an awful situation. She doesn't sound like the faithful type. Let her go. You don't deserve to be treated like a chump.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Kermitty said:


> You make a good point. I have to disagree.  someone with cancer will absolutely die without medical intervention. Someone living in ignorant bliss with a cheating spouse can do so especially if the cheating spouse come to their senses on their own. As with everything, it depends on the situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For strange reasons people love to make informed decissions about thier lives.
It's not only due the risk of getting STDs (it's obvious the chances her WH becomes a serial cheater if not busted are high).
The odds are she will finnaly catch him so if she were able to refuse refinancing the mortage or get pregnant again or ____ insert here any life altering, long term effects decisions earlier she won't have the sense she wasted her life.
You are wrong, you are not taking into account the devastation after you discover you have been living in the matrix for years and years, being played by puppet masters, making sense about how your entire life was permeated by unknonw external forces, how your emotions were based in smoke and mirrors.
The sooner she get the red pill the better.


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Well yesterday was eye opening. I found phone call records stemming from Oct 2011 to the present. We were married Nov 2011 remember.

Every single day... 10-20 calls to OM. Some 1 min.. some more. Was going on right under my nose. She called him from the honeymoon spot out of the country. She called him numeroius times on holidays etc. I'm talking about calls ALL DAY LONG to this a$$hole. 

How could she have gotten married to me? How could she have let me go thru with this? This stings. And you can tell the times she was away on business when the calls to him stopped... i.e. he was there.


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