# Sexual difficulties in my relationship - how do I get the spark back?



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Hi everyone. I'm new here and this is my first post, so please be gentle with me. 

I am in a long term relationship with a man I adore, but I get the feeling that he isn't very attracted to me. I've been reading threads about mismatched sex drives and was wondering if this issue stems from when I was ill. It was a serious illness and we didn't have sex for about two and a half months. Did he feel rejected? 

It wasn't a bait and switch. If you have ever been very, very poorly you will understand. Your body goes into survival mode. You can't eat, you’re drugged up to the eyeballs and in agony. Sex is out of the question.

In all honesty, our sex life was pretty dire before that. 

There are also some practical issues that don't help things.

1, A teenager in the house. He is too young for us to go away for weekends and we don't have any family near by. My son invites his friends round here, rather than going out. This means that sex usually ends up be a hurried affair and we can't be noisy and do each other all over the house.  I love sex outdoors, but it's still too cold where I live right now! 

2, My partner and I work different hours, so we are on separate time zones. Neither of us can function without a good nights sleep. Sometimes it feels as though we are like ships that pass in the night. We tend to only have sex at the weekend. However, we will usually get up to mischief on a Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday evening and on Sunday. This is probably a strange set up, and I would like more sex and fooling around. 

Also, I just get the feeling he's bored of me. Maybe I'm a perv, but we both had the day off and had time alone for once. I asked him if he would pretend to be a sexy handy man and spank me hard across my boobs and bum with his big metal ruler (he is a DIY enthusiast). He just looked frightened.  We did joke about how I had a crack that needed filling. We always have banter, but that's about it. We had sex, but it was just the usual. 

I'm not the best looking woman. A little on the chubby side maybe, I'm 36 5'3 and weigh about 130. However, I work out hard 5 days a week. I am desperately trying to make myself look good, but he never says I look sexy.  For the record, I think he's gorgeous and make a point of telling him. I think it's nice to give people a confidence boost. We get on well and don't argue. Maybe we have become more like friends? 

I frequently ask him what he would like to do and what his fantasies are, but he clams up. I also suffer from haemorrhoids, so I can't do anal very often. He likes it, but the grapes of wrath prevent it from becoming a regular occurrence. 

It would be nice to feel desired, but how can I get the spark back? I used to get the feeling that he wanted me and felt a genuine passion for me, but now he just seems bored. This one sidedness really hurts.  Maybe I am just an ugly old boot, but we can’t all be supermodels. I am the same weight as I was when we met. In fact, I am actually slightly thinner and more toned.

I am trying as hard as I can to spice things up and to make myself more attractive and generally do nice things for him. Sorry for the long post, but I really need advice.  If you managed to read this whole post, I am impressed.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Welcome. 

No sex for 2.5 months due to an illness and recovery isn't life and death. He can relief himself in the meantime you know.....

No sex for 2.5 months and you're healthy is LD or something is going on and needs to be checked out.

If he invites his friends over why not trust him to spend the weekend at one of his friends places? Lots of time for a sexy weekend. 

You are kinky and have fantasies. Any hubby would love that, unless he is LD......test levels checked......and you are HD. Spanked bum and breasts, dress him as a handyman.......very nice.

5ft 3 at 130 lbs isn't fat at all!!! You're in great shape.

Find out does he view porn? What type? Do that with him.

Does he have any fantasies he's never told you about? Do those.

Wait for him in the shower and have a quickie before work.

Sex in the middle of the night while he sleeps, surprise.

Dress up, sexy maid outfit, school girl, etc....of course when the kids are out. Hire a baby sitter and have more time for sex.

Buy toys, scented candles, blind fold him, tie him to the bed, in the car.....

Anal sex would be nice but until you heal, nope, never.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Thanks for your reply Mr Bug. 

I assume he looks at porn. After all, he is often up when I am asleep. He mentioned Swedish lesbians once when he was drunk. :smthumbup: I tried a threesome with an ex and a femail friend. It all went horribly wrong, so no chance of bringing another into our relationship!

I think I must just be a perv. When we first got together, he said that he had never had so much sex in a weekend. 

We've done some sexy outfits. I wish I could wake him up for sex in the night, but he doesn't like it. Mind you, it's not something I'd appreciate either. 

I shall do my best to get his deepest darkest fantasies out of him. I have got him drunk before and tried to get them out of him. 

I also keep telling him that he should go away with his friends for the weekend. 

Thanks for the advice. I shall try the scented candles and blindfolding etc. He has banned anything in the car, even when it is parked up. 

I'm very direct and tend to lack finesse when it comes to sex and seduction.  It's easier to just speak your mind.


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