# Separation after a few months of marriage



## geosai

Hi, I have been with my wife for 12 yrs, but we have been married for only seven months. Last month my wife came to me and with a lot of anger she informed me she is going to leave and go back to stay with her parents. She didn't want to communicate to solve our differences because I knew we had a lot of misunderstandings, she didn't want to speak with a Family Psychotherapist or any other professional. Although I am attending sessions by myself to try and solve the issue we have and better myself.

She told me that she was showing me that she was a bit fed up with our situation, and I told her to not show me but communicate with me or at least communicate with her parents or mine and they speak to me at least. She even informed her parents the day before she left (same day I knew she was going to leave).

I try to send her a few messages here and there sometimes but she is still very very angry after a month away and never sends a normal message. Her issue with leaving was that I complain a lot. An example: She knows that I don't like a certain place, but she wants to go there at all costs, off course I will complain, because she knows that I don't like that place, and off course I am going to complain with her because I felt close to her since we were together for 12 yrs. Another example is, she had two exams, and we didn't even hang out for almost three months, I was washing the dishes and plates every every night till late in the evening, and sometimes I used to tell her that it will be great when she finished those two exams so she could help me as I am really tired every night. But unfortunately for her even that I complained. 

She is also a bit of a mess, as she leaves shoes all over the place, and I was complaining a bit with her to put them in the shoe rack like I always do. She also used to leave her gym bag in our bedroom, but she always told me that my gym bag needs to be in another room not in our bedroom. 

One of her cousins informed me that once I sent her a message that I miss her and some other messages, and she spent an entire hour in the bathroom crying. Although she told me that she does not love me any more, with her parents she never said anything like that (as I spoke to them after 1 month, although they never tried to contact me at all after 12 yrs of never having any issues with me and always respected them). Last week I edited a video for her with her favorite song, to say that I am sorry for what happened between us and never wanted this to happen. Her response was to never send her any other videos or anything. 

I also found out that she is going to speak to her lawyer next week, and informed her parents to try and check with her lawyer to at least try and solve the issues first instead of go through the separation etc. I also found out that her friend left her boyfriend a couple of weeks before my wife left home, although I know her friend a bit, looks like she is more of an idiot then I thought, as she already broke her ex-boyfriend's marriage.

I know my wife was really really stressed, last January she lost her grandma, she was close with her, she had two really stressful exams as well. I also told her that if there is someone else, to tell me, but she informed me that she does not have anyone else, she is only fed up with my complaints. 

Do you maybe know of any other tips of what I can do or if you see any hope with this situation?

Apologies for the long post, although I am currently broken to pieces, because I really did a lot for her all those 12 yrs, I even was sick with a bronchitis and used to drive her for her errands, even though she drives and have a car. I gave her a LOT of my time and this is what I got.


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## geosai

Anyone? lol


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## Evinrude58

Not enough info here.

She left because:
?

Youvwant her back because?

Wh/t are her good traits? Does she world,


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## GuyInColorado

Almost 12 years to get married? What issues caused that? You know you should have never got married. You both are settling. 

Do you two have a healthy sex life? If so, maybe worth losing a couple hours of sleep over. Sounds like she's gone. She won't come back. Best to detach, work on your own issues, and figure out how to be happy by yourself.


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## SunCMars

You sound mostly reasonable.

She does not sound. No noise.

Well, I hear static on your part of her part. She is unhappy, for sure.

Going 12 years with a women and then marrying her...well, may have tipped her over. The edge.

I think she was going to pull the plug sometime in the last year or so. 

Or maybe, when her "exams" are complete. What sort of exams? What will she matriculate to?

IMO she did not want to get married. She seems to be in some limbo state. 

Maybe she met someone else in the last year, or so. She criticizes you for weak reasons. She is grabbing at straws, trying to come up with a reason to end the relationship.

Something, or someone has gotten under her skin. 

One of her feet is nailed to the ground, the other is trying to run away. This ain't pretty.

When a women falls out of love, they rarely come back...to that loving place.

Please fill in the blanks, using my above questions...thanks.


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## geosai

Evinrude58 said:


> Not enough info here.
> 
> She left because:
> ?
> 
> Youvwant her back because?
> 
> Wh/t are her good traits? Does she world,


Hi, 

She left because she said I was complaining a lot. - An example, I complained when she told me to drive her to her exams, yes it's true I complained, because she has her own car and she can drive herself, when I had my exams she never told me to drive me to any of the exams.

I want her back because we have so much memories together, we grew up together and don't want to waist 12 yrs of my life because of this stupidity.

Good traits, we together were really close, she kept me on track when I had no so great ideas (wasting money on stupid hobbies, not wasting money on drugs, alcohol etc.), She also has a good career as well.


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## geosai

GuyInColorado said:


> Almost 12 years to get married? What issues caused that? You know you should have never got married. You both are settling.
> 
> Do you two have a healthy sex life? If so, maybe worth losing a couple hours of sleep over. Sounds like she's gone. She won't come back. Best to detach, work on your own issues, and figure out how to be happy by yourself.


Hi, it took us 12 years because we were both young when we met and started dating etc. I was 17 and she was 16. Obviously we decided to get married after we were both financially stable and found our home.

I think she is gone for good as well, the issue with myself is that I am not expecting it that she left for something this stupid after all those years together.

It's true, I am currently working on myself, before she left I used to train a lot, 5 / 6 times a week and she always pushed me to train as well so that wasn't the issue. Unfortunately at the moment I am not training that much but will keep pushing myself.


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## geosai

SunCMars said:


> You sound mostly reasonable.
> 
> She does not sound. No noise.
> 
> Well, I hear static on your part of her part. She is unhappy, for sure.
> 
> Going 12 years with a women and then marrying her...well, may have tipped her over. The edge.
> 
> I think she was going to pull the plug sometime in the last year or so.
> 
> Or maybe, when her "exams" are complete. What sort of exams? What will she matriculate to?
> 
> IMO she did not want to get married. She seems to be in some limbo state.
> 
> Maybe she met someone else in the last year, or so. She criticizes you for weak reasons. She is grabbing at straws, trying to come up with a reason to end the relationship.
> 
> Something, or someone has gotten under her skin.
> 
> One of her feet is nailed to the ground, the other is trying to run away. This ain't pretty.
> 
> When a women falls out of love, they rarely come back...to that loving place.
> 
> Please fill in the blanks, using my above questions...thanks.



I tried to communicate with her before she left home, she told me she needs a break from me. She rarely communicate with anyone even her parents. In 12 yrs she never told me she needs a break from me or anything, and we used to meet every day. The last two years she also was living at my mum's house during the weekends. She never looked as she didn't want to, as once told me she was planning to even stay there on Sunday and go to work from my mum's house on Monday.

She was very looking forward to get married and live together, even the wedding stuff etc, she was always looking forward and sometimes she even went to check stuff by herself, obviously I trusted her. She is a bit of a baby, was always like that. She never showed any signs that she will be doing something like that. 

She is currently studying to graduate as an accountant, and a couple of months ago she was going to stop because they are very stressful exams, I kept motivating her to continue and not stop, as she only has three other exams left.

It was my first suspect that she has another man involved, I know when she lies by the look of her face, and she kept telling me that no one is involved in it. 

I am suspecting of a couple of her friends, both of these friends are single, one of them left her boyfriend a couple of weeks before she left me. and the other friend, works with her and lately they were really close together, they went to the gym together in the morning before work, they spoke a lot together. Both of them are females. 

I also checked with her parents if she ever said that she does not love me anymore, as she told me. And they looked very surprised, and told me that she never said those words about me. I am suspecting they know more and not informing me. 

Don't know how you fall out of love with someone that literally saved your life.


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## geosai

For those 12 yrs she was always treated as a queen by myself and even my mum, but I am suspecting that after her death of her grandma and the stress of the exams didn't help the situation.

Friends of ours got married a few months before us, and the female friend once said that she did not cope so well when she left her parents home, and my wife used to make fun of her, and also told me that she was a baby that's why she did not cope so well. 

My main suspect is that she was very stressful and was missing her family as well. She also went to tell her family that I was not letting her have time with her family because I complain, obviously it's not true and I also pushed her to message her mum when she did not phone her. 

I speak to my mum every day, and once she started to make fun that I speak to her every day, after her grandma's death, she started to speak and phone her mum every day as well. 

Unfortunately she does not want to speak to any counselor, even to solve her issue with communication. 

I am also not making any contact with her at the moment. Last time I contacted her was a week ago. At least she did not reply back to check if we are going to sell our home for once.


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## MrsAldi

Did you live together long before getting married? 

These seem like issues that can be resolved easily, but you both will have to learn to hold your tongues and compromise. It could take up to a few months or even years. 

Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk


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## geosai

MrsAldi said:


> Did you live together long before getting married?
> 
> These seem like issues that can be resolved easily, but you both will have to learn to hold your tongues and compromise. It could take up to a few months or even years.
> 
> Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk


We did not live together long before getting married, we only lived together for the last two years maybe, but only during the weekends and at my mum's house. Even though I used to cook for her, she never washed any dishes at my mums, and to tell you the truth rarely done anything at our house as well. 

As you said and IMO these are issues that can be resolved very easily. That's why I am feeling very lost at the moment. and it's true we need to learn to hold our tongues, unfortunately I did not hold my tongue when she told me she is going to go back with her parents, I felt like someone ran over me by a truck and the first thing I wanted to do was to tell her bad stuff etc. obviously, violence and abuse was never done from both of us for all those years.


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## geosai

One last thing, sorry I forgot. When I spoke with the Marriage Psychotherapist he informed me that he had other cases were persons that are doing the same exams my wife (or ex) is currently doing, that leave their wives / husbands for nothing. Some of the cases were, they wake up in the morning and find notes that they left and not going back.

Some of them went back to their wives / husbands though.


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## MrsAldi

If she never did chores at home in her own place with her parents and never cooked, it may take time for her to become fully independent from her parents. 

You may have to learn to live with the mess and maybe get a dishwasher so that will solve one complaint perhaps. 

Think before you complain, try to encourage or lead her with positive instead of negative. 

Let her study in peace, have you ever tried to understand how difficult it is to learn about taxes? Yes, it's difficult. So her mind is focused on that right now. 

Her grandma passed, she could be still in grief depression. 

Leave her alone for a while and let her think, if there is no one else in the picture, she might come home. 

Good luck. 

Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk


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## aine

It seems there is alot going on in your lives, doing examinations is very stressful (esp when you are working in an accounting firm). She needs support not someone complaining.
I would suggest you let things be for now, no contact with her or her parents. When the exams are over and things have calmed down perhaps she would be more willing to talk. Give her some space perhaps lack of support and space was the problem.


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## geosai

MrsAldi said:


> If she never did chores at home in her own place with her parents and never cooked, it may take time for her to become fully independent from her parents.
> 
> You may have to learn to live with the mess and maybe get a dishwasher so that will solve one complaint perhaps.
> 
> Think before you complain, try to encourage or lead her with positive instead of negative.
> 
> Let her study in peace, have you ever tried to understand how difficult it is to learn about taxes? Yes, it's difficult. So her mind is focused on that right now.
> 
> Her grandma passed, she could be still in grief depression.
> 
> Leave her alone for a while and let her think, if there is no one else in the picture, she might come home.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk



Nope, unfortunately she never did anything at her parents house, no dishes or cooking etc, and she rarely did anything at our house apart from washing the clothes, and she used to cook as well. I was more of an independent guy, my dad passed away a couple of weeks after we started our relationship and used to help my mum with a lot of stuff etc, and attended school in the morning and worked in the evenings. To my surprise I adopted the married life quite easy and fast.

One thing I am trying to learn is as you said, think before I complain. Bite my god damn tongue before I say something as well. 

I used to give her her space to study, actually I stopped my studies so she can use the whole desk (3 meter desk full of past papers and exams materials), Although I never tried to understand her studies I know she was stressed, even my mum noticed it some two months ago, as she was a complete mess. To my surprise she even complained with her parents that I used to play my PS4 console she bought me as a Xmas present when she was studying. And I always used to wear headphones so there will be no sounds etc.

I am also suspecting that since her grandma passed she got even more stressed, as she started to freak and asked me why I did not cry during the funeral and stuff like that :surprise:.

I am giving her her space and not texting or calling her or anything. I might say that I am 95% sure that she did not have any other relationship or anything, still have those 5% in my mind though because never thought she will do something like that. I think one month away is still not enough for her anger to calm down.


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## Evinrude58

geosai said:


> I tried to communicate with her before she left home, she told me she needs a break from me. She rarely communicate with anyone even her parents. In 12 yrs she never told me she needs a break from me or anything, and we used to meet every day. The last two years she also was living at my mum's house during the weekends. She never looked as she didn't want to, as once told me she was planning to even stay there on Sunday and go to work from my mum's house on Monday.
> 
> She was very looking forward to get married and live together, even the wedding stuff etc, she was always looking forward and sometimes she even went to check stuff by herself, obviously I trusted her. She is a bit of a baby, was always like that. She never showed any signs that she will be doing something like that.
> 
> She is currently studying to graduate as an accountant, and a couple of months ago she was going to stop because they are very stressful exams, I kept motivating her to continue and not stop, as she only has three other exams left.
> 
> It was my first suspect that she has another man involved, I know when she lies by the look of her face, and she kept telling me that no one is involved in it.
> 
> I am suspecting of a couple of her friends, both of these friends are single, one of them left her boyfriend a couple of weeks before she left me. and the other friend, works with her and lately they were really close together, they went to the gym together in the morning before work, they spoke a lot together. Both of them are females.
> 
> I also checked with her parents if she ever said that she does not love me anymore, as she told me. And they looked very surprised, and told me that she never said those words about me. I am suspecting they know more and not informing me.
> 
> Don't know how you fall out of love with someone that literally saved your life.



I don't know what to say other than I have seen countless people come on here with a cheating wife that wants to separate and they lie and say they're not seeing someone. Yeah-- they're not seeing them ENOUGH, which is why they want to separate. I'd say 99% chance that's what's up with you.


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## AtMyEnd

I used to be you, complaining about every little thing. When I look back now, it was stupid on my part and I've changed that about me. The things that you complain about may be stupid to you, but they may actually mean a lot to her, which is why she was hurt and left. She may have felt that your complaining was a sign that you didn't care about what she wanted or her needs. If you want to even try to fix things with her, you need to stop complaining about things she does or doesn't do. When you step back and look at the big picture, do those little things you complain about really mean anything in terms of your love for her? Everyone has quirks and annoying habits, things they do or don't do that annoy their partner, but believe it or not those are the things that make that person who they are. My advise, and this is what I did in my own relationship, drop every expectation you ever had of her. Stop complaining about every little thing and hold your tongue, it's your complaining about things that don't really mean much that pushed her away. Give her time and space to not only get her own head straight but to see that you are changing and getting your head straight as well. It's hard to do and may take a little time but it will not only help your relationship, but it will help you as a person as well.


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## geosai

AtMyEnd said:


> I used to be you, complaining about every little thing. When I look back now, it was stupid on my part and I've changed that about me. The things that you complain about may be stupid to you, but they may actually mean a lot to her, which is why she was hurt and left. She may have felt that your complaining was a sign that you didn't care about what she wanted or her needs. If you want to even try to fix things with her, you need to stop complaining about things she does or doesn't do. When you step back and look at the big picture, do those little things you complain about really mean anything in terms of your love for her? Everyone has quirks and annoying habits, things they do or don't do that annoy their partner, but believe it or not those are the things that make that person who they are. My advise, and this is what I did in my own relationship, drop every expectation you ever had of her. Stop complaining about every little thing and hold your tongue, it's your complaining about things that don't really mean much that pushed her away. Give her time and space to not only get her own head straight but to see that you are changing and getting your head straight as well. It's hard to do and may take a little time but it will not only help your relationship, but it will help you as a person as well.


Hi, thanks for the comment, it's true, and it is also true that I complained and have my bad things as well , for sure, I am human and for sure not a perfect one. But I felt so good and close with her that everything I had on my mind I always told it to her. Unfortunately she is a type of person that rarely communicates, even with her own parents. Because the least she would have done is speak to her parents or my mum and they inform me about it.

I am giving her her space, and taking it day by day and check every aspect before take any decisions. No contact what so ever from my end. Will see from there.


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## GuyInColorado

Have you two been sexual with other people? Or were you virgins?

Sounds like there is some second guessing and wondering what the other side of the fence feels like. I don't see this break up as a bad thing. You both need to discover who you are and what you want from life. People are allowed to change as they mature, and I think she is going down a different path in life than you.


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## RalphArjen

Why did she leave you?


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## geosai

RalphArjen said:


> Why did she leave you?


Hi, apologies late reply, was not using the pc that much lately 

She said she left because I complained a lot about stuff she left around at home. Off course very long story short. and it's true that I complained because I wanted our home to be tidy. She had stressful exams and her grandma passed away late January and she loved her dearly, and she was the first death that ever occurred to their family. She also told me that I was complaining about visiting her parents and family. Which is not true as well. I am suspecting that with the stressful events that happened lately with her life, and don't think she was 100% ready for marriage. Or else she thought she was, but in reality she wasn't. Before we got marriage she was very looking forward to live together etc. Maybe she started to miss her family after her grandma died, who knows, only her and she is not communicating with anyone even her parents. She only told them that she is fed up with the complaints. 

Currently I am not contacting her at all, not using social media that much as well lately, just to communicate with friends.

Lately I also noticed that she stopped liking pages regarding property, because in the first couple of weeks she liked a lot of property pages to sell our home.


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## Evinrude58

And why is it that your wife suddenly wants a divorce when you thought things were going well. Surely you aren't naive enough to believe a woman leaves you over griping about stuff laying around and not visiting her parents enough?

There is a reason your wife has left you. You need to find the truth, but you're fearful. If you have been no contact, that's great. Detach and move on. The reason for all this doesn't matter. She's not coming back unless it's for a place to live because she. Any support herself.

You really should concentrate on detaching and moving on. Keep up the no contact and you'll be fine. Never break it. You will eventually be able to let her go and you'll stop hurting.
I wish you luck.


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## geosai

Evinrude58 said:


> And why is it that your wife suddenly wants a divorce when you thought things were going well. Surely you aren't naive enough to believe a woman leaves you over griping about stuff laying around and not visiting her parents enough?
> 
> There is a reason your wife has left you. You need to find the truth, but you're fearful. If you have been no contact, that's great. Detach and move on. The reason for all this doesn't matter. She's not coming back unless it's for a place to live because she. Any support herself.
> 
> You really should concentrate on detaching and moving on. Keep up the no contact and you'll be fine. Never break it. You will eventually be able to let her go and you'll stop hurting.
> I wish you luck.


Hi, thanks for the reply, for sure, I know that it's not because of stuff laying around etc. My gut feeling still keeps telling me she wasn't ready for the married life or she was so stressed that it effected her mental behavior etc. and for her to feel better, she put all the blame on me.

Today I met by coincidence one of our friends, she told me that another friend and herself tried to change her decision, and both pointed out where my wife (or ex) was wrong, then she told them that she wasn't happy that they are pointing out what they think she did wrong. She was still stubborn and decisive about her decision. she told the same reason she left to everyone, but people who spoke to her, all of them think that looks like she wasn't ready for the married life, apart from her parents, as they still baby her and cannot accept that her daughter is the wrong one in this situation, they still keep saying that all that happened is my fault (of course I had issues myself as well, I'm human and not perfect for sure), but they keep saying that it's all my fault.

Today she went to our place and took more stuff, fortunately wasn't there at the time.

It is a bit difficult at first without her, as she left, and I never saw her again, like she never existed before. All those years together we used to meet almost everyday, and then she like vanished and never existed.

No texting from her end, no nothing, I also stopped all the contact myself as well, would like to move on as fast and possible.

It's true, I need to find the truth, but she isn't even communicating, like I did something very wrong to her. Maybe she is angry because it didn't work between us and she still thinks it's all my fault. Don't know. I thought several times that she has another affair, but she keeps hanging out with the same female friend every time, and checked her chats a lot of times before she left, and even before all this happened. Even the day she left, she left her laptop at home and was so curious that I checked her chats, but found nothing.

She should have communicated and worked something out for sure. Today I spoke to the priest that made our ceremony, he gave me some tips, maybe try to make her a bit jealous, so she starts to question if she took the wrong decision. Next week I am also attending another session with a different counselor / mediator to check for another opinion and maybe she can also give me some tips on how to cope better etc.


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## geosai

Really would like to see her lawyer's face and how is going to react when she informs him/her the reason why she left and wants separation!

She is going to her lawyer next week according to her parents.


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## NoChoice

geosai said:


> I tried to communicate with her before she left home, she told me she needs a break from me. She rarely communicate with anyone even her parents. In 12 yrs she never told me she needs a break from me or anything, and we used to meet every day. The last two years she also was living at my mum's house during the weekends. She never looked as she didn't want to, as once told me she was planning to even stay there on Sunday and go to work from my mum's house on Monday.
> 
> She was very looking forward to get married and live together, even the wedding stuff etc, she was always looking forward and sometimes she even went to check stuff by herself, obviously I trusted her. *She is a bit of a baby, was always like that*. She never showed any signs that she will be doing something like that.
> 
> She is currently studying to graduate as an accountant, and a couple of months ago she was going to stop because they are very stressful exams, I kept motivating her to continue and not stop, as she only has three other exams left.
> 
> It was my first suspect that she has another man involved, I know when she lies by the look of her face, and she kept telling me that no one is involved in it.
> 
> I am suspecting of a couple of her friends, both of these friends are single, one of them left her boyfriend a couple of weeks before she left me. and the other friend, works with her and lately they were really close together, they went to the gym together in the morning before work, they spoke a lot together. Both of them are females.
> 
> I also checked with her parents if she ever said that she does not love me anymore, as she told me. And they looked very surprised, and told me that she never said those words about me. I am suspecting they know more and not informing me.
> 
> Don't know how you fall out of love with someone that literally saved your life.


How does one have a mature relationship with a baby?


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## geosai

NoChoice said:


> How does one have a mature relationship with a baby?


She was mature in some aspects, for example financial wise and her career, but she was a baby in some everyday stuff. Exampe, she gets upset easily for idiotic stuff. Even if you use for example her coffee or her milk, or her mug.


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## NoChoice

geosai said:


> She was mature in some aspects, for example financial wise and her career, but she was a baby in some everyday stuff. Exampe, she gets upset easily for idiotic stuff. Even if you use for example her coffee or her milk, or her mug.


OP,
Could you cite some examples of her maturity "financial wise" and as it pertains to her career. I believe that if you look at this more objectively you may discover that you assign maturity where none is warranted. It is simply not possible for a person who is cognitively underdeveloped to sustain a mature relationship any more so than it is for any child. This is the reality of your situation. Even if you can somehow coerce her into agreeing to continue the relationship, it will be more akin to a parent child scenario than a marriage.


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## curious234

Geosai, I think you should move on. the fact of the matter is when someone does not want to be with some other even a minor incidence is getting blown up. I know a couple who broke up over a glass of orange juice. The thing is orange juice was not the reason, things have been building up.


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## Evinrude58

You should move on because this person places zero value on you.


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## Mr Blunt

> Originally* Posted by geosai*
> My gut feeling still keeps telling me she wasn't ready for the married life or she was so stressed that it effected her mental behavior etc. and for her to feel better, she put all the blame on me.
> 
> Today she went to our place and took more stuff, fortunately wasn't there at the time
> 
> *She is going to her lawyer next week according to her parents.*


Geosai, you better get yourself improved to be more self-sufficient in the area of emotional dependence and other areas. Your wife is serious about leaving you and shows no sign of coming back to you. You are probably right that she is not ready for marriage and I would add not ready to face adulthood and reality. Everyone will face stress and the death of a family member at some point in their life but life and reality does not stop because you are having a difficult period.

I would not doubt that her being with you since she was a young teenager probably is also a factor. She probably thinks that she is missing something in life by just being with you for her whole adult life. As a teenager it is very easy to think that life is mostly excitement and fun but when reality sets in in the late 20s or 30s it is a jolt.

Geosai, you are very young and do not have any children with your wife so you have no excuse to not start building a life without her. At this time your wife is very determined to get away from you and has shown no indication that she is coming back to you. If she comes back you should have a very detailed plan as to what you both are going to do and how you and her are going to improve in the things that affects your relationship negatively. Your focus right now is to concentrate on how you can get stronger and better with your negative points and stop putting a lot of energy and thoughts into how you can get your wife back; she does not want to come back. If you do not get more self-efficient you will become a door mat and be dependent on your wife for your emotional well-being.

Just like your wife is going to have to face reality so are you!


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## geosai

curious234 said:


> Geosai, I think you should move on. the fact of the matter is when someone does not want to be with some other even a minor incidence is getting blown up. I know a couple who broke up over a glass of orange juice. The thing is orange juice was not the reason, things have been building up.


So true, and things between us have been building up, as she was so stressed and even myself became very stressed. tension began to escalate between us and we said some words that we shouldn't have said. Everything I was saying she started to complain in the last few days that we lived together, and I also continued to complain as well when I saw her treating me like that.


----------



## geosai

Mr Blunt said:


> Geosai, you better get yourself improved to be more self-sufficient in the area of emotional dependence and other areas. Your wife is serious about leaving you and shows no sign of coming back to you. You are probably right that she is not ready for marriage and I would add not ready to face adulthood and reality. Everyone will face stress and the death of a family member at some point in their life but life and reality does not stop because you are having a difficult period.
> 
> I would not doubt that her being with you since she was a young teenager probably is also a factor. She probably thinks that she is missing something in life by just being with you for her whole adult life. As a teenager it is very easy to think that life is mostly excitement and fun but when reality sets in in the late 20s or 30s it is a jolt.
> 
> Geosai, you are very young and do not have any children with your wife so you have no excuse to not start building a life without her. At this time your wife is very determined to get away from you and has shown no indication that she is coming back to you. If she comes back you should have a very detailed plan as to what you both are going to do and how you and her are going to improve in the things that affects your relationship negatively. Your focus right now is to concentrate on how you can get stronger and better with your negative points and stop putting a lot of energy and thoughts into how you can get your wife back; she does not want to come back. If you do not get more self-efficient you will become a door mat and be dependent on your wife for your emotional well-being.
> 
> Just like your wife is going to have to face reality so are you!



As of now, she showed no sign of coming back, true. She was speaking to one of our friends, and told her that currently she is studying for another exam (that I also knew about), but she told her that her mind is not there to study etc because of our situation. It's all her fault, not mine that she left, I never told her to leave or anything and always helped her whenever possible. When she had an accident with her car I used to drive her to lessons twice a week so she can continue to study etc. Her parents never drove her to anywhere. But obviously you do 99% right, that 1% is what they complain about. 

At least yes, don't have any children with her. This weekend I must say that I was veeery down, since I spoke to her friend and when I went home found out that she took some other stuff, felt like someone hit me with a sledgehammer. Like there is no other hope or anything. Tried to go to the gym but left after 40 minutes. 

Once I also told her that we can try to meet up, maybe once a week, and start like to date again, instead of come back home and start to live together again. We can start to built trust in each other again, and if it works good, if not f*ck it, but doesn't look like she wanted it. I also invited her for a coffee once, but she had a family meet, after that I never invited her for anything. Maybe will see in a couple of months more, maybe she starts to realize what she did. I will continue to work on myself and hang out as much as possible and meet other friends.

As of now all looks good though , and might say that I was proud of myself. no other women etc for sure, not ready for that type of life at the moment. But felt really good, I also uploaded some pics, and for sure she saw them, maybe she starts to feel a bit jealous hehe.


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## SunCMars

You have watered this flower. Reason: No drought stress. 
You have fertilized this flower. Not for baby making, but to keep this baby happy. Reason: No intimacy stress.

You have plucked the bugs off this flower. The aphids, bphids, cphids. 
You have trimmed her nearby bush to allow sunshine to reach her petals. This to allow photo-op synthesis to make the sugar. Energy for her brain; so that she can study harder.

You have given her space. Space, so overcrowding does not cause her be squeezed out by touch stress.

You have over watered her plant. This has caused her roots to remain shallow, never needing to go deep. The smallest wind will tip her over....
Uh, too late, the toxic wind from her friend has blown her to fresh pastures.

You have nurtured this plant for twelve long years. This big-boobed baby suffers from "Failure to thrive" Syndrome. Yes, her exams are hard. But that is peripheral stress, not of your doing.

She has pulled her shallow roots out of your garden. She will soon be transplanting herself to someone Else's garden. Maybe her girlfriend's garden? 

She does not love you anymore. Your garden soil will never work with her temperament. Your Ph is wrong for her. She needs neutral soil. Soil at perfect seven heaven.

With this women your thumb is not green. You cannot effect maturity and growth in her. To her.....you are a pest...pesticide.

You cannot let her go. You can't. She is already gone. Out of your reach.

Let some other fool pluck her.....petals.

Divorce.


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## geosai

SunCMars said:


> You have watered this flower. Reason: No drought stress.
> You have fertilized this flower. Not for baby making, but to keep this baby happy. Reason: No intimacy stress.
> 
> You have plucked the bugs off this flower. The aphids, bphids, cphids.
> You have trimmed her nearby bush to allow sunshine to reach her petals. This to allow photo-op synthesis to make the sugar. Energy for her brain; so that she can study harder.
> 
> You have given her space. Space, so overcrowding does not cause her be squeezed out by touch stress.
> 
> You have over watered her plant. This has caused her roots to remain shallow, never needing to go deep. The smallest wind will tip her over....
> Uh, too late, the toxic wind from her friend has blown her to fresh pastures.
> 
> You have nurtured this plant for twelve long years. This big-boobed baby suffers from "Failure to thrive" Syndrome. Yes, her exams are hard. But that is peripheral stress, not of your doing.
> 
> She has pulled her shallow roots out of your garden. She will soon be transplanting herself to someone Else's garden. Maybe her girlfriend's garden?
> 
> She does not love you anymore. Your garden soil will never work with her temperament. Your Ph is wrong for her. She needs neutral soil. Soil at perfect seven heaven.
> 
> With this women your thumb is not green. You cannot effect maturity and growth in her. To her.....you are a pest...pesticide.
> 
> You cannot let her go. You can't. She is already gone. Out of your reach.
> 
> Let some other fool pluck her.....petals.
> 
> Divorce.


Wow, very very wise words. Thanks for the message.


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## geosai

Hi All, quick updated regarding this thread. Yesterday I broke the no contact, sent her a message and noticed that she is seeing my messages immediately. and also replied immediately as well.

Yesterday I went to another counselor and gave me a few more tips on what to tell her etc and also how I can change a bit of myself as well, I am not perfect and I am a human, and also on how to cope better With her replies she seemed a bit more calmer then before when she replied. although she replied back that I am going to hear from her lawyer this week. 

She first started to tell me that I don't know how to treat a woman. I asked her, if I ever abused her, if I was an alcoholic, if there was any violence, not just in those 7 months marriage, but also in those 12 years, and she didn't reply back to my questions, she just changed the answer and told me that she didn't need to give me any warnings and she also told me that I complained that I didn't want to go to do the groceries. Obviously I did the groceries she rarely went to buy something (not because of money or anything) because of her exams,,, she said,,, but IMO she didn't do anything because she is lazy. 

Then again she started to talk about when her grandma died FFS. That I didn't want to go to her granddad's house after the funeral etc. Then I told her that these are all excuses, like everyone else is saying. and changed the subject again. On Sunday I went out with a couple of friends and uploaded a picture on Facebook. and I think she got a bit jealous because she told me about the photo twice, and told me to go find some rubbish woman a couple of times as well. She thought maybe I am not going to hang out with friends etc. Obviously we were having a good time. 

I am not going to break her heart or anything with other women or upload pictures with other women, I am still trying to solve this matter and reconcile, she didn't break my heart like that so for sure I am not going to do it myself.

Than I thanked her that at least she replied back and really appreciated it. I think she still cares and is a bit jealous.


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## Diana7

if she was so unhappy she should never have agreed to get married. Its so common that people who have lived together for so long break up after they marry.


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## Satya

I think you should just stay NC and let her go. She'll always have something to complain about,so you'll always be to blame. Those sorts of people drain the life force from you and rarely, if ever take responsibility for their own actions.

Go heal and find a woman who owns her stuff. There are plenty out there.


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## Tron

Growing up, your FIL and MIL taught your W that she is a little princess. 

As an adult, she still acts like a little princess and everyone needs to wait on her hand and foot. That is why she ran home to mommy and daddy when things got tough for her emotionally. Can you say NPD?

Now, she simply isn't marriage material and you should be glad that you don't have kids with her.

As you have so clearly identified, it doesn't really matter what you do or what you say, the truth is that you are and forever will be the BAD GUY that mistreated her. AND IT IS ALL BULL****!!!

Accept the D when you are served. Give her the D that she so clearly wants and drive it to its merciful completion as quickly as possible. Count this relationship as a 12 year mistake and learn from it. 

Get out there, have fun with your friends, talk to other women, improve your game. And find a real woman next time who will appreciate what you have to offer, because your current W never did! 

My prediction: a year from now you will be coming on here telling us how great your life is.


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## geosai

Tron said:


> Growing up, your FIL and MIL taught your W that she is a little princess.
> 
> As an adult, she still acts like a little princess and everyone needs to wait on her hand and foot. That is why she ran home to mommy and daddy when things got tough for her emotionally. Can you say NPD?
> 
> Now, she simply isn't marriage material and you should be glad that you don't have kids with her.
> 
> As you have so clearly identified, it doesn't really matter what you do or what you say, the truth is that you are and forever will be the BAD GUY that mistreated her. AND IT IS ALL BULL****!!!
> 
> *Accept the D when you are served. Give her the D that she so clearly wants and drive it to its merciful completion as quickly as possible. Count this relationship as a 12 year mistake and learn from it. *
> 
> Get out there, have fun with your friends, talk to other women, improve your game. And find a real woman next time who will appreciate what you have to offer, because your current W never did!
> 
> My prediction: a year from now you will be coming on here telling us how great your life is.


"Accept the D when you are served. Give her the D that she so clearly wants and drive it to its merciful completion as quickly as possible. Count this relationship as a 12 year mistake and learn from it." - God damn this escalated quickly in my mind when I read "give her the D" hahaha, had to read it twice. 

So true, she still acts as the little princess of the family. Regarding NPD, wasn't really that kind no, and it's true that it is all bulls*it what she's saying, but maybe because she was upset that it didn't work between us or something.

True, will hang out for sure with friends. will not be looking for women for quite some time though after this issue, but might not call it a 12 year mistake, maybe will call it a 12 year experience that will try to never repeat it if everything is still the same .

She will be more jealous when she notices that I have a lot of friends, as before she left she told me that I don't have any friends and she feels sorry for me. This week a lot of friends messaged me to hang out with them etc. Friends came out like snails when it rains hehe


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## jlg07

Geosai,
one other thing -- you mentioned she came by the house when you were out and took more stuff -- that it hurt. Maybe you should take some time to box up all of her stuff and leave it in the garage. Then you can tell her to come pick it all up at once when you are not home to prevent so much hurt in the future (OR if she is at her parents, just drop it off when SHE is not there). You have to do things for YOU now -- what works for YOU, what helps YOU, not her. She's made her choice, now you get to start making your own choices.....

Sorry that you are going through this...


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## geosai

jlg07 said:


> Geosai,
> one other thing -- you mentioned she came by the house when you were out and took more stuff -- that it hurt. Maybe you should take some time to box up all of her stuff and leave it in the garage. Then you can tell her to come pick it all up at once when you are not home to prevent so much hurt in the future (OR if she is at her parents, just drop it off when SHE is not there). You have to do things for YOU now -- what works for YOU, what helps YOU, not her. She's made her choice, now you get to start making your own choices.....
> 
> Sorry that you are going through this...


Thanks for the message , yes, I continued to work on myself again and feeling much better the last couple of days. Don't need someone this negative in my life. 

Yesterday was the day that I said enough with this bulls*it. I received a letter from her lawyer that stated it that the marriage is broken and not repairable and we can do an amicable separation bla bla bla. This afternoon she uploaded a quote to try to put the blame on myself (was impressed with the amount of likes she got... 4 likes and 1 comment from her whor*e friend). Will speak to my lawyer next week to check what can be done. Still to this day don't know exactly why she left. 

Also couple of minutes ago she sent me a message to check what are we going to do with our house, didn't even bothered to open the message.


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## Evinrude58

Divorce, get the most fair you can, detach, get healthy, move on.

I am convinced this is all you can do. You should never reconcile with her.

I'm sorry. It is what it is. You'll see what a blessing this is one day.
Really.


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## jlg07

@geosai, just checking in to see how you are doing... Sorry you are going through this..


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## geosai

Hi jlg07, still the same. two weeks ago I received a letter from her lawyer that she wants to start separation. Last week on Thursday I went to my lawyer, and she suggested that she writes an email to her lawyer that states that the marriage is not broken and we can still work on our small issues. On Friday my ex, called me sixteen times and didn't answer her, she then started texting me on whats app and didn't open the messages, but I could see what she was saying. She told me that we cannot continue not to speak to each other, we need to check what are we going to do with our house etc. (I thought that her lawyer spoke to her or something).

Couple of days ago I replied back and told her when she decides to tell me the truth about what made her do what she did, we can speak, if not I don't want to speak. She told me if we can meet, and she didn't tell me why (obviously I thought she wanted to speak our issues). Again she started saying that I am a difficult person and she knew about it before our marriage and she wanted to save herself. 

She also told me that she is very heartbroken and it's still not easy for her. After a couple of messages I pressured her to let me know why she wanted to meet me, and told me, so we know what are we going to say in front of our lawyers and don't act like two children. I didn't accept her meeting and told her let me know when you want to speak about our issues only, and to stop texting me as I again started to feel heartbroken, and I will be acting like a child in front of the lawyers, I want to take whats mine, whats not hers I will take it as well, even hers I want if possible let alone mine. She damaged me and my family badly, I want to damage her back.

After a lot of messages from both ends she told me she will think about it and will let me know (for a meeting to talk our issues). That same evening I asked her if we are going to meet that night to talk, her answer was "sry I cannot make it tonight". I got a bit angry and upset as she told me to not hurt her, and then she hurt me again with that text. 

The next day in the morning I texted her again, I told her let me know what are you going to do, either you are going to talk or we are going to stay like this as I don't want to continue to hurt myself when you text me and keep waiting for her or something (although before she started to call and text me I was moving on with my life and was impressed with the improvement I made). 

Then I told her you are going to try find me in another person and you are not going to find it for sure, as she knew the person I was. She again started to say the same issues again that I was a difficult person bla bla bla and that I was sending her arrogant messages etc. 

I told her my lawyer and myself are waiting for her answer, she told me she does not even know about the email, and that she received a letter about a court session (I did not receive any letters). Then she contacted her lawyer and her lawyer informed her that yes, the email was ignored, and she still started the separation, with or without my lawyer's message. After that message I texted her a couple of times and stopped. Removed her photos from my FB as well to hurt her even more. Then yesterday evening I was speaking to a friend of mine and told me that she spoke to his GF, she told her that she was feeling very alone and don't have any friends (before she told me that I had no friends) and needs to start her life from scratch because of what happened. Then our friend informed her she can still talk to me again and try to solve our issues.

I was again thinking of sending her a message this evening, to tell her if she wants to talk to me I will be available tomorrow. if she comes, she comes, if not f*ck her.


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## aine

geosai said:


> Hi All, quick updated regarding this thread. Yesterday I broke the no contact, sent her a message and noticed that she is seeing my messages immediately. and also replied immediately as well.
> 
> Yesterday I went to another counselor and gave me a few more tips on what to tell her etc and also how I can change a bit of myself as well, I am not perfect and I am a human,
> 
> I am playing the devil's advocate here. You keep saying that you are not perfect,
> you are human, etc, You give yourself considerable leeway but I do not see you doing the same for your wife. If she is having exams and a death in the family those combined can be a very difficult burden to bear. Does your wife have validity in her complaints that you were not there? You seem to gloss over them?
> and also on how to cope better With her replies she seemed a bit more calmer then before when she replied. although she replied back that I am going to hear from her lawyer this week.
> 
> She first started to tell me that I don't know how to treat a woman. I asked her, if I ever abused her, if I was an alcoholic, if there was any violence, not just in those 7 months marriage, but also in those 12 years, and she didn't reply back to my questions, YOu do not have to be an alcohlic or physical abuser to abuse or mistreat a woman. What about emotional neglect and abandonment which is fairly common and soul destroying. Women need their man to be there for them, to be their mainstay,
> their support when life gets tough. If you have neglected her or abandoned her emotionally then that might have sent her over the edge. My H has done it to me a few years back when he got caught up in work and drinking, the stress of work compounded everything. I have forgiven him but I will never forget and things with him will never be the same, I no longer see him as my pillarshe just changed the answer and told me that she didn't need to give me any warnings and she also told me that I complained that I didn't want to go to do the groceries. Is this true at all?
> Or is it a complete lie? Be honest. Obviously I did the groceries she rarely went to buy something (not because of money or anything) because of her exams,,, she said,,, but IMO she didn't do anything because she is lazy. Is that what you are going to tell yourself?
> 
> Then again she started to talk about when her grandma died FFS. YOur level of empathy is absolutely lacking, you have such empathy for yourself but absolutely none for her. I can glean this from the way you write and I don't even know you. Perhaps your wife's version may be more enlightening? That I didn't want to go to her granddad's house after the funeral etc. Then I told her that these are all excuses, Is that true, did you not want to go to the Grandad's house? That would be the supportive thing to do, for most normal Husbands.Yes you dismiss her as giving excuses. I think there is much more to your behaviour than meets the eye. You have no empathy for her at all like everyone else is saying. and changed the subject again. On Sunday I went out with a couple of friends and uploaded a picture on Facebook. and I think she got a bit jealous because she told me about the photo twice, and told me to go find some rubbish woman a couple of times as well. Perhaps you should find someone who will be there for you, someone who doesn't need you to give anything in return. Trying to make her jealous, that sounds immature and childish also She thought maybe I am not going to hang out with friends etc. Obviously we were having a good time.
> 
> I am not going to break her heart or anything with other women or upload pictures with other women, I am still trying to solve this matter and reconcile, she didn't break my heart like that so for sure I am not going to do it myself. I suspect your wife loves you but has seen a side of you that has probably shaken her. Why did it take so long for you to get married? She probably realises she has married a man who gives alot of mileage to himself for his own behaviour but dismisses her and is basically emotionally neglects her or abandons her. She is proficcient in work and studies, etc which means she sounds like she is a pretty independent lady. Perhaps that is what attracted you to her,
> as she is low maintainence emotionally. But when the chips were really down, you showed your true colours and you couldn't be relied on, that is why she ran. Honestly, I think she did the right thing.
> It is pointless being married to someone who isnt there when you need them, you takes all the time and rarely reciprocates or cares enough to care about the things she cares about. Let her go.
> 
> Than I thanked her that at least she replied back and really appreciated it. I think she still cares and is a bit jealous.


 Of course she still cares, she was with you 12 years but she is using her logic not her heart this time, she is wise to do so.

I may have totally misread your postings, but instead of dismissing her claims, I want to know is there any truth to them? Be honest with yourself


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## geosai

Hi Aine, Thanks for your reply. Will be 150% honest in my replies for your questions marked in blue:

I again will say that I am not perfect. I was there 100% all the time, yes, I complained, and sometimes I complained a lot, I used to be sick and even with bronchitis and used to drive her to exams, lessons or go to pick her up from work or errands (yes she drives). She did around 14 other exams, and in all these exams I motivated her as much as I can, as a few of them she didn't even wanted to attend the exams, because of my motivation, she attended all the exams and only failed just 1 exam.

Never a physical abuser or alcoholic etc, never will be with anyone and never lifted a finger on this woman, always respected her and ended up her personal driver and maid / butler, she got mad, didn't speak to me for hours or we had a fight for days, just because I might have told her No for anything.

Regarding emotional neglect I must say that yes, there were times where I neglected her emotionally, I felt neglected myself a lot of times and still stayed with her. We married back in August, she started her studies in September (because she had exams in early December) till March. So her time for me was not that great, I told her a couple of times about the issue but still told her to focus on exams and studies. I would go to sleep all by myself most of the days. 

She always told me that she felt really secure and safe with me everywhere we went, when I drove etc. Again, yes I complained that I didn't want to do the groceries, still I did them myself, even when I had personal issues that I could not lift heavy bags and that she knew about them. When I used to tell her she used to tell me "but we still need to do them".

Another example on how much patience I had with this woman, once she was on leave at home studying, a pharmacy is 200 meters away from our house, she needed something from there. Instead of going by herself, she texted me to go and buy her stuff from there after work. When I told her she can do it herself as she is there at the moment, she got angry etc. Again I went. 

Regarding her grandma, yes, it's true that I did not want to go to her GM house, had my reasons as well and told her about them as she knew we needed to go buy stuff for US, not for ME, that we urgently needed for the weekend (as the funeral was on Saturday). Of course, I attended the funeral, I did everything I could possibly do, helped when needed as well. Although I complained, I still went to her grandma's house. When my father passed away she didn't even show up at the church, and after a week she wanted me to hang out and go clubbing. 

She also complained and had a fight with me because I did not cry during the funeral. After a couple of days she told me "now I know why you are such a strong person, you lost a lot of your loved ones and that's why you didn't cry" (As I lost a lot of important people in my life in such a very short time, and most of them without even being sick or anything,, worst feeling).

Another example of great patience I had is, she once had an accident with her car, and was her fault, (she even ran over a woman once and told the lady that it was not her fault that she hit her), I bought her half the parts she needed to fix her car. While I was fixing her car, she was "flirting" with another guy and she and her female friend that came on a vacation, went to a club, I saw some of her chat with this guy, they did not meet, but she deleted the chat faster than a cheetah.

It took as this long to get married because we started dating when we were 16 - 17 yrs, obviously we were still studying until our mid - late 20s and financially weren't that stable to buy a house and plan a wedding etc. If she was an independent lady, she should have done things by herself not rely on myself for everything. I still do exams and study, I go to exams by myself. She needs me to drive her. If she wanted to go to her parents, she wanted me to drive her. She used to wake me up at 3:00am in the morning during weekends to drive her back to her parents when we still were not married, her issue was that she did not inform her mother that she is not going to sleep at my mum's place. If she wanted to cook, she tell me to help her get the stuff needed. She never cleaned the bathrooms, she never wanted to wash the floor, once she slipped and almost broke her hand. 

One of her messages yesterday she told me that I kept our house as a Dolls House and wanted our house clean. IMO everyone wants the house clean.

I think she had 12 yrs to check regarding the problem, When I told her you are missing your parents and was not ready for this she told me yes it could be. 12 yrs together is enough time to check someone's character and his flaws, 7 months marriage and you do this to someone, well, I think it speaks for itself. I accepted her as she was. never told her to change, but always to try to help me.

Few days before our wedding I had to visit a physio because of an injured shoulder as her family and herself never helped me with anything at our house, her father came once and started to nag and complain that the wall plugs are still unscrewed from the wall and although the physio told me that I cannot work or move my arm and might need an operation, I still had to do stuff by myself, again as she was studying and I continued to motivate her. When I told her about why her father never helps me, she told me he works, as if I don't work as well.

From this lesson I learned that I might never trust anyone again, and will never do the same stuff I did with her to anyone, as the amount of time, money and damage she did to me is unbelievable. And this was also done by my family as well, as my mum bought as the bedroom, internal doors and a lot of other needed stuff to move into our place and stay comfortable. Her mother gave her a set of plates.

Will again say that the above are all 100% honest and I swear on my life that the above are all true and no exaggeration.


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## geosai

aine said:


> Of course she still cares, she was with you 12 years but she is using her logic not her heart this time, she is wise to do so.
> 
> I may have totally misread your postings, but instead of dismissing her claims, I want to know is there any truth to them? Be honest with yourself


Will say it again, in all my posts, I was 100% honest (even more), even the reasons she gave me that she left, and will keep saying that yes I complained because I never found any support from her end. Always did our things my myself, never found any help whatsoever. 

I spoke to some of her family members, and some of her friends as well, all of them came to the conclusion that she maybe was not ready for the married life, obviously not her parents, as when I spoke to them I was like in an interrogation or something, but still told me that they never in a million years thought that this will ever happen.

I even used to go pick her dog's food from her VET, before we were married, her excuse when I used to tell her, her parents can go as well was, that I love the dog as well so I need to go to pick the food!!


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## geosai

Hi aine, as maybe you have doubted my honesty, today I went out with a friend of mine and saw her with a guy from her work that she used to call fat and ugly. When she saw me she very fast tried to hide, when again I showed her that I saw her she ran out of the bar. He stayed there a few minutes, when he was walking out I told him that now the truth has been revealed (as I already suspected something funny). He told me that it's not what I am thinking that they are dating, I texted her and told her that the issue is because she was having another affair not because I complain and all that bullsh*t.

She told me that they were waiting for other colleagues as they were the first two that arrived. and again tried to put the blame on me, and was speaking about some stuff that I wrote on Facebook, like a jealous idiot that she is. 

Not that I am a Mister World or something but don't know what she saw in a fat ugly hairy guy. All stuff that she never liked in a guy and called him ugly herself. His girlfriend's sister works with me funnily enough.


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## jlg07

@geosai, just wondering what happened when you confronted her about the OM? Any updates?


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## geosai

HTML:







jlg07 said:


> @geosai, just wondering what happened when you confronted her about the OM? Any updates?


Hi, when she saw me she first started to "hide", then she went out and left. I sent her a message and she kept saying that she was waiting for the other colleagues, there was another female colleague with them but she was in the bathroom (she said).

This week we met to know exactly what are we going to do with our house, and kept pressuring her to tell me the truth, she kept saying the if she had an affair with him she was not going to buy our dinner table few weeks before she left. and still sticked with the answer she gave me on Saturday. 

Then she also kept saying stuff that happened before we got married, and kept pressuring her to tell me why she got married if she is still repeating stuff that happened before we got married (nothing major, maybe a place I didn't want to go and she wanted to, and stupid silly stuff like that. she also kept saying about a picnic that I didn't want to go and obviously we still went). She kept lying that I never wanted to hang out because I wanted to play with my PlayStation, which again is not true (she bought it for me as a Xmas present). I don't use it a lot, only had 1 game and don't play online as I never did a subscription. So she is bringing this excuse to use it against me, so maybe she can feel better. We didn't hang out because of her exams not because of me playing with my PlayStation.

Then she started to cry and told me that she never wanted this to happened but we have different characters. Obviously I told her that she had 12 whole years to notice this, not 7 months, I asked her several times why she got married, if she was not ready for this. She told me because she really loved me. 

I tried different stuff to reconcile, she still kept saying no, so I will continue to work and improve myself to feel better, and also get back to 100% health and start to train again. I still have a feeling that she might message me again one day, maybe in a couple of months or even more, to try again from scratch, hopefully I have the balls to say no. She is too difficult to deal with, she believes everything that comes from her mouth, if you say it's not true she turns her head the other way and rolls her eyes. Hopefully will stop "caring" for her as well and don't hurt myself if I see her again.


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## SunCMars

I revisited your thread. I am back.

Being ever blunt:

You are mostly Stoic....when you are not in your golden suit in the pond. A golden carp. Carper.

You need vinegar in your blood, not solvent. Pizzazz in your step, not the heavy plodding, the slow moving motions of a box turtle.

You are boring. No flash.

No flash, just angst. 

I listened at your window last night. I heard drums in the background. I did.

They were Doldrums.

A heavy, methodical, maddening beat. One that drives you out of your flat.

Break free from your doldrums and get Saxy. 

Blow your horn, put your lips to her mouthpiece, finger her keys, find her C-Major port, open it and toot her back.


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## Emerging Buddhist

I think one of the hardest lessons learned in one's life comes from letting ego and self let disguised pride run rampant and reinforce defeat time and time again.

We often see it coming, we recognize it by name, we invite it in to feed and shelter it then we argue with it not understanding why it is there.

It is there simply because we want it there... if we didn't we would walk away from it.

If you would spend the energy in suffering, why not spend the same energy to remove suffering?

You do hold the key to these chains...


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