# Marriage counseling doable?



## DualvansMommy

I'm fairly new here and posted few threads about my marriage almost a year and half ago. I was very angry, sad and worn out over the state of my marriage. After talking with few people from this forum, I used the time to work on myself and save money. 

Fast forward to now; I feel like we're in pretty much same scenario that brought me here, only I'm lot more resentful now. I was in IC for myself that lasted 6-7 months since hubby won't agree to IC, but I stopped attending because he was resentful of the time it took me away from minding the boys. I would go on the days he worked from home, so he could watch our youngest. So when I suggested I talk with my therapist while he was at work and I get a sitter for the youngest, to which he claimed he didn't want to pay for. So I stopped going. And now we're fighting more and I told him I was tired of him and our marriage, he suggested MC but expected me to do all the leg work of finding a therapist, doing the calls and initial consult. My takeaway is he didn't even care about my need for IC, and doesn't seem to care enough to go on MC to do some of the legwork on his own?? 

How do couples address this type of discord? 

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## mary35

Many couples don't deal well with this kind of discord, just like you and your husband. Nothing will change untill one of you decides enough is enough. You can't change your husband you can only work on you. You need to step up and take responsibility for your part of this bad relationship and decide to fix your part and yourself. This could mean going back to IC, and setting up MC and giving it your best shot. If he does not cooperate and work on his part, the perhaps you will decide to walk away. Even if that happens, if you work hard on yourself, learning good relationship skills and becoming emotionally healthier, you will be in a better place for whatever the future brings. 

Quit blaming him and work on yourself. What does it matter who lines up the MC. You are the one here complaining. Step up to the plate and take charge of your life. It's not your husband that is making you miserable, it's you who is choosing the misery over making changes in your life.


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## sixty-eight

mary35 said:


> Many couples don't deal well with this kind of discord, just like you and your husband. *Nothing will change untill one of you decides enough is enough.* You can't change your husband you can only work on you. You need to step up and take responsibility for your part of this bad relationship and decide to fix your part and yourself. This could mean going back to IC, and setting up MC and giving it your best shot. If he does not cooperate and work on his part, the perhaps you will decide to walk away. Even if that happens, if you work hard on yourself, learning good relationship skills and becoming emotionally healthier, you will be in a better place for whatever the future brings.


I get what you are talking about OP. You are upset with the way your marriage is, and you just want him to give a damn. And then he's finally wanting MC, which you had wanted all along, and then he want's you do make all the effort. Insult to injury. 

It's not fair, but the burden of initiating change is always going to be on the partner that is unhappiest. These are the things you will talk about in MC. Do the legwork yourself, get it going. Don't get trapped there, it's a cycle with no outlet but separation/divorce.


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