# Nosy MIL and vindictive SIL, so is it ok to lie?



## tamara24

This past June, I had weight loss surgery. I lost 93 pounds so far and doing great. But here is my problem.

My mother in law which I have posted about before showed up two days after I had surgery and stayed for two and half weeks. During that time, (she is legally blind but likes to pretend she is more blind then what she is) I fixed her every meal and had to wait on her instead of resting up. The hubby tried helping but he worked until 6so he missed most of this. Two days before she left, she dumps all her laundry on my floor for me to add to our clothes because she didn't want to ask my SIL to do it and didn't want to impose on her son,HELLO???

Anyway, Since I have had all kinds of thyroid issues, and PCOS issues we just told her that I had a cist removed from an ovary. I had already lost thirty pounds before she arrived. She, since then, she asks everytime she talks to me how much I have lost. I tell her I haven't weighed in awhile and it is like she is jealous if I lost any. She is overweight herself. I am pretty sure she is grasping at straws, but she asked my husband in a nondirect way that when I had surgery was there anything else we want to tell her and brushed on weight loss surgery but never came out and asked. 

I feel that because she plays games and is so vindictive, that this is my business and my journey and not hers and I do not want the entire family to know. That is my right. I don't like her asking behind my back. I know she will wait until she sees us at Christmas and ask me in front of everyone! She will intentionally humilate me. Once my SIL finds out, she will make sure to make comments everytime I see her. I almost want to shame the MIL and embarrass her so she won't be so nosy anymore. I thought about saying, no I didn't, but I brought the diet I am following because it might help you! How would you handle this and although I don't condone lying, I don't feel this is her business. Please give me some ideas!


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## Laurae1967

Your husband's mother is a narcissist and is toxic. Cut off contact with her and tell your husband that he must side with you. There is no law saying you have to have a relationship with this swamp creature. 

Why is your husband allowing his family to torment and humiliate you? YOU are his family now and his loyalty needs to be with you. 

Seriously, cut off contact. We don't have to spend time with people who treat us like crap....in fact, we'd be crazy to do so.


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## Marcis74

I have a lap band and the judgemental attitudes of people out there means I tell no one that I have it. I think my band is fantastic. 

I agree with Laurae1967. you MIL is toxic. I found a great book on toxic inlaws on amazon and as a result of the help it gave me I suggest everyone read it. 

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by susan forward and it is the best money I have ever spent. 

Off course if she does ask you in front of everyone answer her question with a question. I always find " why is your face so good dam ugly a real winner in situations such as this"


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## rogergrant

I think you can just choose to not tell her what you don't want to tell her. For the love of God, I would withold as much information as possible.


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## Bobby5000

You can't eliminate your relationship with inlaws. You have a perfect right not to tell them about a personal surgery and your husband should honor your wishes. 

You will not be able to change your mother-in-law's behavior; she will snoop around, ask questions, and try to figure out what's going on. In all these situations, be cordial and pleasant but no more.


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