# Destroyed my marriage



## fashionista

I have destroyed my 11 year marriage by having a 10-month affair with a co-worker. It was mostly emotional for me however the OM was never in love with me. We had a lot in common. I am about to quit my job. My husband and I are going to marriage counseling. We are reading books and talking about our needs. That's why I'm here- to talk about my situation and hopefully learn something about myself and how to help my husband heal. He is distraught night and day and who can blame him? I have hurt him deeply. How do I help him trust me again? How do I begin to love him again?


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## JustaJerk

> It was mostly emotional for me however the OM was never in love with me.


This is what bothers me... "_mostly_" emotional? What does that mean?

Then you say OM was not in love with you. So are you going back to your husband because OM rejected you and didn't want to be with you; or, are you going back because you yourself cut it off with him? The former is not good because it seems your husband was #2 in all this, and you just don't want to be alone now. You're husband seems to be the second option for you.


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## CH

He'll never trust to again 100% or love you with 100% of his heart. Things can still work out and you can still have a great marriage but you'll never get 100% out of him ever again.

Sucks to be us, we screw up and then realize after the fact what we did. Then we give 200% hoping that will be enough to show them that we're truly sorry.

The sad thing about cheaters is, we're full of sh*t. If we cheat we are sorry and think our spouses should give us another chance. But if our spouses cheat, we would leave in a heartbeat. Isn't that pathetic.

I hope your husband has a huge heart like my wife, because that's the only way it'll work. We can show remorse but in the end it's the LS that has to make the decision.


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## Shaggy

Here is an important question: what are you doing to earn the privilege of your husband letting you come back into his life? Why should he give you another chance?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose

You have to really be sorry. You have to mean it. You have to communicate honestly, transparently, and sincerely. You have to recognize that you did a very bad thing and that your husband has been hurt by your immature and selfish behavior. That kind of remorse is just the beginning. It's YOUR job to fix what you've wrecked, which means that you better really be committed to him and you better do everything you can to prove it -- even if he eventually rejects you.

And, JustaJerk has raised an important question -- is your husband just the second option that you used as a back-up plan? I'd recommend that you figure that out because it sounds that way and you don't want to hurt him again by just repeating this, right? Try to figure out why it was that you had the affair in the first place. If you aren't in counseling, you really ought to start because until you figure out why you did such an immature, selfish, and hurtful thing to the person who trusted you with all his vulnerability and to whom you made a promise to be faithful and decent, you are at risk of hurting him again.


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## Arnold

Odds are against this working out. But, you might try that marriagebuilders program. 
Or, of course , try to get admitted to Cal Poly or MIT and start work on inventing a time machine.


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## HerToo

What is "mostly"? One finger?


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## fashionista

I don't even know if I can ever love him again to be quite honest


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## tacoma

fashionista said:


> I don't even know if I can ever love him again to be quite honest


Why?

Why have you fallen out of love with him?

Before or after you began the affair?


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## JustaJerk

Just as I thought... second option.


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## Soccerfan73

The falling out of love part of this situation is going to make it a very difficult road to reconciliation. 

Did you leave the OM because he wasn't in love with you? That can make a difference too in where your heart is in all of this.


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## fashionista

Actually my husband found out I was having an affair so I had to stop seeing him. I fell out of love with him a long time ago


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## Arnold

You might have at least told him,rahter than stealing his time. One of a betrayed spouse's greatest sources of resentment is the fact that you stole time, time that he could have used to direct his life.

OTOH, most cheaters are so narcissistic that this rarely enters their minds. They are better than their spouses, dontcha know?


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## alphaomega

Had to stop seeing him? Lol. Your still in the fog. Your husband is number 2 choice.

Leave the marriage already. Hope your husband has some self respect left to see what your really thinking of him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calif_hope

Do your husband a real solid....tell him you don't love him and get a divorce. Give him the real gift of the opportunity to find a women that will love like he deserves - someone to grow old with! Let him go, force him if you have to - it's the best thing!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fashionista

Arnold said:


> You might have at least told him,rahter than stealing his time. One of a betrayed spouse's greatest sources of resentment is the fact that you stole time, time that he could have used to direct his life.
> 
> OTOH, most cheaters are so narcissistic that this rarely enters their minds. They are better than their spouses, dontcha know?


What about all the times I stayed with him even though he didn't have a job? or didn't want to do things with us as a family? or didn't want to talk about how bad things were when I brought it up? As soon as he found out it's like he all of a sudden wanted me around.


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## fashionista

calif_hope said:


> Do your husband a real solid....tell him you don't love him and get a divorce. Give him the real gift of the opportunity to find a women that will love like he deserves - someone to grow old with! Let him go, force him if you have to - it's the best thing!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't leave my children. We have a 4 yr old and a 7 month old baby!


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## Arnold

fashionista said:


> What about all the times I stayed with him even though he didn't have a job? or didn't want to do things with us as a family? or didn't want to talk about how bad things were when I brought it up? As soon as he found out it's like he all of a sudden wanted me around.


Well, if you decided you wanted out, and began screwing other men, you still should have done the right thing and informed him.
Presumably, you knew he had no job and about the other things that bothered you. So, you made an informed choice to stay.
He, on the other hand, was duped and you were dishonest. I see no dishonesty in not having a job or not wanting to do things with you. 
Surely you can see the distinction between your electing to stay with full knowledge of what you preceived to be his shortcomings and his being fooled into staying by your dishonesty.


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## Arnold

fashionista said:


> I can't leave my children. We have a 4 yr old and a 7 month old baby!


You have already damaged your kids. Have you read nothing about the effects of infidelity on kids? Google it. There is a ton on how damaging a parent's cheating is to the kids. Really messes them up.
Among other things, it teaches them it is okay to lie and cheat. It also undermines your moral authority to discipline them.
Can you imagine a teenage girl's reaction to having her cheater mom tell her not to have sex with her boyfriend? She will call you out as a hypocrite and she will be right.


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## hookares

fashionista said:


> What about all the times I stayed with him even though he didn't have a job? or didn't want to do things with us as a family? or didn't want to talk about how bad things were when I brought it up? As soon as he found out it's like he all of a sudden wanted me around.


Why don't you tell him about this board so we can help BOTH of you?


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## Arnold

hookares said:


> Why don't you tell him about this board so we can help BOTH of you?


She is pretty invested in justifying her cheating. Tough to help someone who feels it was okay.


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## Soccerfan73

Is the 7 month old your husbands for sure? That might complicate the issue just a bit if there is any questions about that.


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## warlock07

fashionista said:


> What about all the times I stayed with him even though he didn't have a job? or didn't want to do things with us as a family? or didn't want to talk about how bad things were when I brought it up? As soon as he found out it's like he all of a sudden wanted me around.


You don't realize what you did here. Read some stories here to see how much a spouse suffers when their SO cheats on them. You wouldn't wish that pain on your worst enemy. Why would you do it to the person you loved at some point of time?Have you considered counselling? I think you need it for a better perspective.


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## JustaJerk

> Actually my husband found out I was having an affair so I had to stop seeing him. I fell out of love with him a long time ago


Why didn't you just ay this instead of being vague about it.

While I don't condone it, this is why posters resort to bashing. You are totally justifying your cheating. Its NEVER a good idea to cheat on someone. Just divorce him if you're not "feelin'" it for him. 

You even decided to throw in the "but my kids will suffer if I divorce" card. I bet you didn't think of your kids while being knee-deep in the affair, did you?:scratchhead:


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## fashionista

I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


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## fashionista

My kids are too young and I never plan on telling them.


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## morituri

fashionista said:


> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


To fall in love BOTH of you should be committed to do the hard work that is needed. Is this the case?


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## JustaJerk

> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


For starters, you have to stop justifying your cheating behavior. Own your sh!t.

Secondly, you have to be honest. Is the ONLY reason you're trying to get back with hubby because OM rejected you? Because if he(OM) still occupies space in your head, its not going to work out.


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## Beowulf

fashionista said:


> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


IMO, you're still in a fog. I think you still have feelings for the OM. You need to see the A for what it was. You loved your H before the A then something caused you to be vulnerable. You then made a horrible choice that has caused all of you a lot of pain. You need to own that truly and have genuine remorse. It sounds like you're still pining for the OM and the A. JustaJerk is right, as long as the OM is in your head you can't really return to your H. Until you purge him from your mind you cannot really express regret for your actions and your feelings for your H will not return.


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## JustaJerk

> It sounds like you're still pining for the OM and the A. As long as you do you cannot really express regret for your actions and your feelings for your H will not return.


I see no real regret or remorse. Her husband is the alternative choice instead of a) the OM, who obviously didn't feel the same way about her; or b) divorce, which would mean instability for her and the children. 

Where's the "I'm sorry I did this to my WHOLE family."

This is called _constructive_ criticism. Most of us see this type of criticism as a positive.


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## calif_hope

Is the 7th month year old your husband's or the OM?

You have a hard row ahead......you need to quit justifying your behavior, you were just a easy Fu** buddy for the OM, not even a love affair...just fools run by you....own that and you may have a chance.

You might see the postings here as harsh ... You want an easy fix to fall back in love with your husband.

What you are seeing is the reaction to your actions, behavior, and stated emotions you have shared and your stated goal.....they don't mix and we are trying to tell you that in our own and differing ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Is the baby your husband's or the OM's?


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## Badblood

fashionista said:


> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


Well, any cheater coming onto this site who justifys their cheating and isn't wanting criticism, might as well go fish, because it isn't happening. The answer to your question is that you will NEVER learn to love your husband, because you didn't love him in the first place. You loved you. Just because he has had a few bad things happen, joblessness, etc, doesn't entitle you to seek another man, and if you ever loved your husband, you would know this. You have done the worst thing you could do to your husband and kids, and you are STILL only thinking about yourself, and your feelings. Oh, sure, you pay lipservice to your husband, but he probably isn't stupid and knows that you are only with him , because you are afraid to be on your own, and he is your back-up plan. Divorce him as soon as possible, you will be doing him the best favor you ever did.


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## Soccerfan73

Jellybeans said:


> Is the baby your husband's or the OM's?


Important question


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## desert-rose

fashionista said:


> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


There's no magic formula for this. You love someone because that person meets your emotional needs, for the most part. If you really are trying that, then first find out if you actually want to be with this man and then figure out what your emotional needs are. Only then can you see if he can fulfill them. And, you actually have to see what his emotional needs are and whether or not you're willing to fulfill them, as well. It can't be one-sided. However, since you're a cheater, you obviously care more about your own gratification than his and you're going to have to deal with that problem, too.


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## Shaggy

fashionista said:


> I can't leave my children. We have a 4 yr old and a 7 month old baby!


You already left them and their family when you chose to cheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

fashionista said:


> My kids are too young and I never plan on telling them.


But they will find out. Their father will tell them when they are old enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Ask for getting back in love,
Well first you need to fully quit the affair and put the OM out of your life and begin to make up for the hurt and hate you have infected upon you children and husband.

Is the 7 mo you husbands or is he raising an affair child?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

So, have you stopped all contact, even work contact with the OM?

Have you been fully honest with your husband about what went on the cheatng and if the kid is his? I'm guessing you started the affair up when the kid was three months old?

Have you offered to quit you job?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadcalifornian

If you want a chance to fix your marriage, you must lose your OM. With another man in your life and heart, you will never achieve that. Once OM is gone, you must get MC to address all the pre-A issues and work on them together.

And, please have some empathy for your H, for Christ sake ! Your posts reek selfishness and utter lack of remorse. How can you have an affair with children that young? What were you thinking? Did you have any thought about the future of your kids during your A? 

You simply saying you fell out of love with your H is not good enough a reason to have A. Are you trying to convince us that this is all your H's fault somehow?


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## JustaJerk

She's gone... didn't like the truth staring back at her.


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## crossbar

fashionista said:


> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


Here's the rub, no one here can tell you how to do that! Different people for different situations. You say you're in MC okay cool! What about individual counseling for yourself to figure out why you did what you did?

You state in a post that to stood by him during the rough times...when he didn't have a job..YOU SUPPOSED TO DO THAT, YOU'RE MARRIED! For better and for worse and all of that....

The reason that you don't let yourself love your husband is because right now, you don't love yourself. Because you may feel that you don't deserve love after what you did. Therefore, you don't let yourself love anyone else. 

There, there's an road to explore in counseling. Something to think about.


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## Recovering

fashionista said:


> I have destroyed my 11 year marriage by having a 10-month affair with a co-worker. It was mostly emotional for me however the OM was never in love with me. We had a lot in common. I am about to quit my job. My husband and I are going to marriage counseling. We are reading books and talking about our needs. That's why I'm here- to talk about my situation and hopefully learn something about myself and how to help my husband heal. He is distraught night and day and who can blame him? I have hurt him deeply. How do I help him trust me again? How do I begin to love him again?


I know some of the responses here can sound harsh and are probably even hurtfull to you. I say kudos to you for even being willing to post in a forum like this one and asking for help. 

But please realize that the intention of most of the posters here is to help you face up to the reality of the situation, not to beat you down. Yes, there are some here that are angry because of their own situations, but there are others here who have started where you are and gone on to have better marriages. Try to think of it as tough love. 

How long ago did the affair end? How did it end? Time is a big factor here in how you feel and it sounds like it hasn't been that long ago. Knowing how long it has been since the affair ended will help people understand where you are.

You say "mostly emotional". I assume that means it was also physical in some way? That will also make a difference in how you view your affair partner and the affair itself. 

Right now you are still in the fog of the affair and are trapped by your feelings towards the other man. That's normal. 

You say that you want to learn something about yourself. Part of that is a willingness to take constructive criticism for what it is and use it to improve your situation. We can't change the mistakes we have made in the past, but a wise person will accept them as mistakes and use that knowledge to avoid them in the future.

Check out this thread from a wife who is trying to recover from an affair herself. She is doing many things right. Learn from her ability to take the heat and follow advice given much to her success.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/34890-what-else-can-i-do.html


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## Kimberley17

Fashionista, as I'm sure you've noticed most people on here are very bitter and judgemental as they have been cheated on. So, if you're looking for an unbiased opinion I don't think you will get it here. I am in the same situation as you and I don't know how to get it back with my husband. I also have deep feelings for someone else. I kind of believe once it's gone it's gone but I don't know. We also have little kids and I will not leave at this point.


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## Shooboomafoo

I dont think someone who's completely stuck in the fog, living a lie with her husband while cheating on him, and betraying him, and her children should be giving advice to someone that is looking to rebuild or keep their marriage. 
go see your boyfriend while your kids think life is just grand and happy-family,,and let us "biased, damaged" people help those that actually have a moral compass.


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## JustaJerk

> So, if you're looking for an unbiased opinion I don't think you will get it here.


Why are you here then? Sure there are bitter people here, but as Badblood put it "She was being evasive." 

She couldn't accept the constructive advice some of us were giving her. Before she tries to fall back in love with her husband, she needs to own up to her actions. She kept justifying her affair at every turn.


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## CH

fashionista said:


> I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again


We can't tell you how to do it. You either love him or you don't, there is no 10 step plan of how to fall in love again. And if there is one, it's crap and you shouldn't waste your time and money on it.

I know you're looking for someone to pat you on the back and give you a big hug saying it's ok, you screwed up and things can get better. In the end, it's gonna have to be you that makes the choice to stay or not. 

But if you can't love him right now, leave him and get it over with. Why make both of you suffer for years and years and that in turn makes the children suffer seeing 2 parents with no love and only hatred and resentment towards each other.


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## morituri

Kimberley17 said:


> Fashionista, *as I'm sure you've noticed most people on here are very bitter and judgmental as they have been cheated on*. So, if you're looking for an unbiased opinion I don't think you will get it here. I am in the same situation as you and I don't know how to get it back with my husband. I also have deep feelings for someone else. I kind of believe once it's gone it's gone but I don't know. We also have little kids and I will not leave at this point.


And you're not bitter?



Kimberley17 said:


> Yes, I have sat down and told him exactly what I need from him and some improved, some didn't.* The problem is I have so much resentment that my feelings for him are not the same. Long before my affair started I was just going through the motions.* I am no longer attracted to him and do not feel 'love' for him. I care like a friend.. I am not condoning my behavior and know it's 100% wrong. I am strongly considering ending the affair ...


What advise of real value do you have to offer to her? To continue to lie and deceive to her husband? To steal years of his life leading him on that everything is fine so that when it is convenient for her, she should go ahead and dump him?

Here's hoping that your husband finds out about your affair and divorces you.


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## Shooboomafoo

morituri said:


> And you're not bitter?
> 
> 
> 
> What advise of real value do you have to offer to her? To continue to lie and deceive to her husband? To steal years of his life leading him on that everything is fine so that when it is convenient for her, she should go ahead and dump him?


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## boto227

You couldnt find the courage to tell him you didn't love him anymore and like has already been said, you made sure he never had the option to choose his path. I genuinely empathise with someone in distress, thats why I am here but it sounds like you may have to be brutally honest with yourself ask yourself how you could take away everything away from him and contemplate doing the rounds again. How we **** our lives up eh, best wishes to you and your husband, really, I mean it.


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## Jellybeans

Shooboomafoo said:


> I dont think someone who's completely stuck in the fog, living a lie with her husband while cheating on him, and betraying him, and her children should be giving advice to someone that is looking to rebuild or keep their marriage.


:iagree:


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## Arnold

Bitter?? Oh , no-not bitter? What could possibly be worse than "bitter"?(Oh, yeah, that's right. Forgot that being a lying, cheating, blameshifting, betrayer might be just a tad worse)?

And, "judgemental"? Oh, my God. Don't tell me that folks are actually using their judgement in assessing decisions. How could anyone use judgement to run their life? I mean, isn't it better to go with "feelings" or " intuition".


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## NaturalHeart

I think she couldn't take it and checked out


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## crossbar

shaylady said:


> I think she couldn't take it and checked out


Agreed, this is a dead thread.


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## Jellybeans

Deader than a doorknob.


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## Initfortheduration

Yeah, unvarnished truth is rarely accepted by cheaters here. They are fog bound and really haven't taken a good look at themselves.


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## Iamchanging

if you want to fall in love with your husband again, start by doing acts of love..and mean it , from the heart. Respect him, honor him, find out about what he likes, wants and do these things...speak about his strengths, admire him (even if you dont "feel" it) I'm sure there is a ton of things you can admire him for, except that maybe right now it may take some time to find them bc of your feelings. However, remember love is NOT a feeling but action. Before you know it you will be in love again. Love must be cultivated for it to grow. and NO critical comments, no matter what he does , you must see him differently beccause you are now a different woman!. At least your hubby is with you , for this you should be grateful and this shows that he is a man does really love you is willing to stick with you through the worst and it cant get worse than this.


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## fashionista

This is the best comment I've gotten. Thank you Thank you Thank you


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## Sliver

To fashionista;
Let's see, what can I offer this thread? I just want to say first off that I don't condone cheating, and that being on the receiving end of cheating from someone you love hurts more than losing someone to death. The death happens, it's reality. Cheating can drag on, the lies rip a person's soul apart, and make them crazy. You never know how much you can hate or had loved your spouse until they cheat. 
That aside, be kind to your husband. What you did was not a loving act (duh, cheating). Right now you're still reeling from the affair, and are separated from any love for your husband you might have hibernating inside of you. Your mind sickly believes that you have been ripped from the affair and thrown out into the cold. Goes to show how selfish a human can be. For starters, acknowledge that if you feel love anywhere inside of you for your husband that you are effectively separated from it. Imagine a wall between you and what you used to feel for him. The love exists, but you built a wall between it and you. Now you have to tear the wall down. Move slow, don't force emotions. Be kind to him, you have no idea what the inside of his mind feels like to be betrayed. I think marriage counseling would be a good place to start sorting this out. It is always a bad time to make a decision about leaving when you have recently been found out. Rash decisions seem sane until time has passed and you've become a fool. You will learn of your affects on your husband and see his pain. Let him grieve the loss of his trust for you and what you once had. If you truly believe you cannot be with him, only decide such a thing after much thoughtful consideration. You can always get a divorce later. If you two make it, don't ever cheat again. Learn why you did this, and address it. Good luck. To your success.


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## Sliver

I also think the cheating spouse who has been rejected by the affair partner (and whose husband/wife still wants them) feels angry because they are freely offered by their spouse what they want from the affair partner, but the affair partner won't give. See how the resentment would grow? You may be feeling that....


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## Badblood

Fashionista, ALL of the advice that you have been given was good, you just aren't able to understand it yet. Until you feel your husbands pain, are sick to your stomach with shame and guilt, and start to think of HIS wants and needs, instead of your own, you will never love him or recover. You did the crime, you pay the bill. You want us to show you an easy way to do this. We can't, nobody can, because you haven't reached a place where you have stopped thinking about yourself. You are, right now , completely selfish, disrespectful to your husband, and totally dishonest. You are not a good person. Until you can put your husband's wants and needs first, you are wasting your time, and his.


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## Hicks

In order for you to start the process of connecting with your husband you have to be 100% remorseful. You have to feel empathy for the huge betrayal you have done, and realize that it is 100X worse than anything he ever did to you. Once you feel that empathy, regret and sadness you can begin to recover.

It's telling that you are not remorseful when you talk about the pain your husband caused you that caused you cheat, and when you say things like it was mostly emotional which is an attempt by you to minimize the immense devestation you unfurled.


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## fashionista

I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped


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## Shaggy

fashionista said:


> I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped


Sorry, nope - you're not in love after 10 months of cheating with him. You're in the fog. You're stuck deep in the fantasy world of the affair.

Others keep telling you this, and you are ignoring it. Listen to others like working_together and her story about being in the fog. She was there too. Maybe send a private message to her?

Love is something far more binding than what comes from a 10 month fling. BTW - what kind of scum bag is the OM?? What kind of man hooks up a woman with 2 kids - one of them a new born?

Frankly, a man worthy of love would actually look at a woman with a new born, and another kids - and he would refuse to hook up with her. He would actually have enough honor to not accept being the guy who ruins the family for these kids.

He would also be a man who would look at a woman in your situation and run like hell from you, because what man with an ounce of respect would want a woman who would do that kind of thing with a new born at home? He would reject that kind of woman because he would have much higher standards for himself than to accept someone who could cheat like that.

So your OM must be quite a catch of a man.


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## CH

fashionista said:


> I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped





fashionista said:


> I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped


Leave and let your husband find someone who deserves him and who WANTS to be with him. By staying with your husband you're still punishing him and at the same time giving yourself a security blanket to protect yourself.

It's still only about you right now. Leave him and let him rebuild his life and find a better person for him, because it sure isn't you.

At least your honest though, most would lie through their teeth, I'll give you that.


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## tacoma

fashionista said:


> I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped


I don't believe you will be able to love your husband until your love for the OM has died.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fashionista

You're so right. He's not a good person other than I am extremely attracted to him sexually which has never happened to me before. I'm so fogged up I can't see out.


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## JustaJerk

People would get a better idea of what you're going through if you tell the story of how you found yourself here in the first place.


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## aug

fashionista said:


> You're so right. He's not a good person other than I am extremely attracted to him sexually which has never happened to me before. I'm so fogged up I can't see out.



It's rare for me to see someone admit to being sexually attracted to a "bad boy".


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## Arnold

Three words: Vibrator, vibrator, vibrator.


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## SadSamIAm

First you said it was "mostly an EA". 

Now you say "I am extremely attracted to him sexually".

Which is it? 

You have been honest with us (you still love OM and you may never be able to love your husband again), but have you been honest with your husband?

This situation is doomed. You need to leave your husband. You need to be honest with 'him' about your feelings. This will clear the fog. It will either make you realize you made a mistake and you actually do want and love your husband or it will make you realize the opposite, that you need to move on.


----------



## fashionista

It was actually my H's idea for me to post here. He blogs a lot but I'm just a lurker. After you have kids your whole life changes. It's hard to find time for us to be together. He did his thing and I did mine. We hardly spent any time together and before you know it, you're roommates laying awake in bed wondering what the hell happened to your love life. Somebody paid me a little attention and off I went and didn't look back even tho we have two small children and have been married for 11 years. OMG what have I done


----------



## calif_hope

Give your husband the most wonderful gift that you have to give him.....not your love which I don't believe you are able to give anyone except yourself right now

.........give him the gift of the TRUTH, the gift of DIVORCE, and gift of the possiblity of finding a woman who will LOVE HIM like he deserves to be loved.

Stop being so selfish and do the right thing........


----------



## Shaggy

fashionista said:


> It was actually my H's idea for me to post here. He blogs a lot but I'm just a lurker. After you have kids your whole life changes. It's hard to find time for us to be together. He did his thing and I did mine. We hardly spent any time together and before you know it, you're roommates laying awake in bed wondering what the hell happened to your love life. Somebody paid me a little attention and off I went and didn't look back even tho we have two small children and have been married for 11 years. OMG what have I done


You choose to cheat instead of to get a baby sitter.

So that's the past - now you can end the hurting, and begin doing what you should have done before.

Get a baby sitter for starters and spend at least a few hours a week together without kids etc.


----------



## CH

aug said:


> It's rare for me to see someone admit to being sexually attracted to a "bad boy".


There was zero amount of sarcasm in that statement right


----------



## sadcalifornian

Stick to NC like your life depends on it. Consider yourself an addict and treat yourself so. 

Set up datenights and keep trying remembering the old time when you fell in love with your H. There are still those positive qualities in him that you can rediscover. Feelings are like water. It constantly flows and changes. Use time to aid you to change your feelings gradually. 

People often think "feelings" are something that just happens as if it is a destiny of sort. This is not true. You can guide and cultivate your own feelings thru efforts and actions. Right now, your H may not look so loveable in your eyes, but out of billions of people out there your H is the only man that would make you truly happy again if you can somehow fall back in love with him. After all, this man is your H and a father of your kids, no? 

Remember pasture is always greener where you water it.


----------



## InFlux

OK, let's be real. You can't even have "date nights" until the OM is out of the picture. Period. If we were advising your husband right now it would be telling him to ignore you completely and focus on himself and your kids (not to mention filing for divorce).

You can't have your cake and eat it too -- yes, you love your husband but you aren't sexually attracted to him right now. You aren't intimately attracted to him right now. You are getting those needs met by OM. Can you ever get those feelings back for your husband? That's the $64,000 question you keep asking yourself. Guaranteed you won't ever get them back with OM in the picture however. Right now this is going to end one way: divorce.

If you want to make a REAL attempt at reconciling. YOU need to drop the OM NOW! Yes it will hurt. Yes you will cry. But it's "grown-up time" now and you need to either put-up or shut-up. You then need to take initiative and SHOW your husband some remorse and empathy that's been sorely lacking lately. I guarantee you if you sincerely show him this and are completely transparent he will respond in kind if there is any hope for this. You will then have a real shot at true reconciliation. That's when your journey of reconstruction will begin. You'll both then need to do the heavy work required (IC/MC, addressing what unmet needs got you here in the first place, etc.) I won't lie to you it's going to be a LOT of work and take SIGNIFICANT time to recover from this. But anything worth having requires effort, right? Are you willing to pay the price?


----------



## SadSamIAm

Influx - She told us the OM is out of the picture in that she isn't seeing him because her husband caught them. But she said she still loves the OM and doesn't love her husband.


----------



## InFlux

Well, then it isn't really ended is it?

Until she can truly bury that relationship and come to terms with it she won't be able to give her love and affection to her husband. She's still pining for the OM. Someone took away her Tonka toys -- she didn't give them back voluntarily...

My bad for getting in on this one late though. I got the impression OM was still in the picture (physically speaking). He is still in the picture mentally, however, which is still a huge problem in my book...


----------



## Beowulf

InFlux said:


> Well, then it isn't really ended is it?
> 
> Until she can truly bury that relationship and come to terms with it she won't be able to give her love and affection to her husband. She's still pining for the OM. Someone took away her Tonka toys -- she didn't give them back voluntarily...
> 
> My bad for getting in on this one late though. I got the impression OM was still in the picture (physically speaking). He is still in the picture mentally, however, which is still a huge problem in my book...


Exactly! If we look at her relationship "house" right now it would show her husband on the other side of a wall and the OM standing on the other side of a closed window. She can see the OM but not her husband. She needs to board up the window so that she can slowly tear down the wall she's built between her and her husband. As long as she can mentally "see" the OM she can never find love for her husband again. If she can't do that then she is doomed to divorce.

She is still in a dopamine fog right now. Maybe when it wears off she will clearly see the direction she needs to go. Fashionista, I truly hope you and your H the best. You are not the first to go through this and I'm confident that if you really want to R with your husband you can and will find a way.


----------



## Enginerd

fashionista said:


> I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped


Well, that's some honestly I did not expect. There's no way you can fall back in love with your husband if your still dreaming about the OM. You will have to erase the OM from your life 100% and prepare to work on the marriage for a couple of years. If your husband is able to forgive you there's a slight chance you two will make it if you do everything right. I'm not saying its all your fault, but since your the one who made the BIG mistake then you will have to be the one to fix it.


----------



## sadcalifornian

As much as I can appreciate your honesty with your feelings, I can't help wonder how much stock we should put in your so called feelings. Think about it. I had deep feelings for Amber Heard and she was my dream girl. I was devastated when she "came out". So? You know what the right thing to do is. Stop dwelling on your "feelings" so much. I bet once you start living with him, hearing his burps, smelling his farts, your feelings will start changing real quick. There are tons of other elements in our lives that we base our decisions on, other than our "feelings". Don't treat it as the ultimate compass to guide your life. It hardly is.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

fashionista said:


> I have destroyed my 11 year marriage by having a 10-month affair with a co-worker. It was mostly emotional for me *however the OM was never in love with me*.


So you piss your marriage away on a man that only wanted you as a side piece of a$$. Nice.

But what if he was in love with you, what difference would it have made?




> We had a lot in common. I am about to quit my job. My husband and I are going to marriage counseling. We are reading books and talking about our needs. That's why I'm here- to talk about my situation and hopefully learn something about myself and how to help my husband heal. He is distraught night and day and who can blame him? I have hurt him deeply. How do I help him trust me again? How do I begin to love him again?


He'll never trust you fully and close to 100% ever again. That I can guarantee you. There will always be some level of suspicions about you. If you think you can go out with the girls for a night out, or something, or if you are away from him for too awful long and he isn't wondering if you are screwing around, you will be sorely mistaken.

Just know that when you aren't with him, he WILL wonder if you are screwing around.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

fashionista said:


> I don't even know if I can ever love him again to be quite honest


Then what is the freakin' point. If that is the case, then the only way you would love him again is if HE is the one that makes all the effort in working on the marriage.

Sorry, the burden of effort doesn't rest with him. It rests with you, the cheater.

So basically what this tells me is, unless he makes the greater effort after what you did to him, there still would be a chance you won't love him.

So its useless for him to even try.

So do him a favor and file for divorce so he can find a decent woman.


----------



## Dexter Morgan

fashionista said:


> I can't leave my children. We have a 4 yr old and a 7 month old baby!


Don't worry, you will get custody of your children.

Thats the great thing about being a woman. You get to cheat and take the children away from him. Sweet deal huh?


----------



## working_together

fashionista said:


> I can't leave my children. We have a 4 yr old and a 7 month old baby!


For god's sake don't stay for your kids.


----------



## bryanp

I find it very interesting that fashionista refuses to answer the question if there is a possibility that her 7 month old is the OM's baby.


----------



## working_together

fashionista said:


> I don't feel any remorse or regret for what I did. I don't know why. I guess bc I'm still in love with the OM even tho I know we could never be together. I feel trapped


I don't think cheaters can have any remorse until they are fully out of the fog, and can come to terms that their actions have caused such complete destruction to many people, most importantly their spouse.

You are still in the fog, and while as a cheater myself I was no longer in the fog when I first posted on this site, I was very blind to a lot of the [email protected] I said here, I look back and can't believe some of the stuff I said. I was never as remourseful as I should have been, and I have to work on this area, because so many times I want to tell myself "yeah, but what about when he did that or this" etc. We want to justify our affair, and blame shift so we can live with what we did. We know what we did was horrible, I always did, but I was also trying to protect myself from pain.

The whole deal about being second best really stings the spouse, my husband is really reeling from that. It's a tough place to be in for everyone.


----------



## Beowulf

working_together said:


> I don't think cheaters can have any remorse until they are fully out of the fog, and can come to terms that their actions have caused such complete destruction to many people, most importantly their spouse.
> 
> You are still in the fog, and while as a cheater myself I was no longer in the fog when I first posted on this site, I was very blind to a lot of the [email protected] I said here, I look back and can't believe some of the stuff I said. I was never as remourseful as I should have been, and I have to work on this area, because so many times I want to tell myself "yeah, but what about when he did that or this" etc. We want to justify our affair, and blame shift so we can live with what we did. We know what we did was horrible, I always did, but I was also trying to protect myself from pain.
> 
> The whole deal about being second best really stings the spouse, my husband is really reeling from that. It's a tough place to be in for everyone.


working,

Not to thread jack but I think you have worked extremely hard and should be commended for everything you've done and are continuing to do. I'm giving you a very big cyber hug for all the love and devotion you are continuing to demonstrate. :smthumbup:


----------



## working_together

fashionista said:


> You're so right. He's not a good person other than I am extremely attracted to him sexually which has never happened to me before. I'm so fogged up I can't see out.


I hope I can say this correctly, as sometimes I come accross as a nut job.

Ok, you're attracted to him sexually because of what he has fed you emotionally. He has said and done things that have mad you feel more loved than you have ever felt by your husband. You feel like the sexual chemistry is beyond belief, that no man has ever pleased you the way this man has. I get it, been there, it's crap, you're feeding into your addiction to the emotional fix you're getting as well. I really needed my affair partner during my affair, and really felt like this POS was my soul mate, the whole works. It's not reality my friend, it's a fantasy, it's the fog clouding your judgement. When my fog finally lifted, I realized that my sex life was not perfect before, and after it took a while to see that the sex was no different, in fact far worse than what I had with my husband. You see, I was so caught up in the "I love you, have never loved anyone else like this" before yada yada" that I couldn't even see that theother person was also caught up in the fog, and it was all crazy.

It's all about chemicals and other stuff I'm still trying to figure out 9 months later.


----------



## working_together

Beowulf said:


> working,
> 
> Not to thread jack but I think you have worked extremely hard and should be commended for everything you've done and are continuing to do. I'm giving you a very big cyber hug for all the love and devotion you are continuing to demonstrate. :smthumbup:


yeah, but I'm not completly there yet, lots of work still

thanks


----------



## working_together

sadcalifornian said:


> Stick to NC like your life depends on it. Consider yourself an addict and treat yourself so.
> 
> Set up datenights and keep trying remembering the old time when you fell in love with your H. There are still those positive qualities in him that you can rediscover. Feelings are like water. It constantly flows and changes. Use time to aid you to change your feelings gradually.
> 
> People often think "feelings" are something that just happens as if it is a destiny of sort. This is not true. You can guide and cultivate your own feelings thru efforts and actions. Right now, your H may not look so loveable in your eyes, but out of billions of people out there your H is the only man that would make you truly happy again if you can somehow fall back in love with him. After all, this man is your H and a father of your kids, no?
> 
> Remember pasture is always greener where you water it.


I'm giving myself a big "face palm" when I say this.

I gave my affair person a magnet that said "desitny" (when I was deep into it) hubby knows about that and boy, I only spent 99 cents on it, but the hurt is worth a thousand bucks for him. sucks


----------



## Dexter Morgan

bryanp said:


> I find it very interesting that fashionista refuses to answer the question if there is a possibility that her 7 month old is the OM's baby.


Yes, interesting indeed. But don't you think her H is thinking the same thing?

If I were her H, I'd demand a swab test.

But what do you expect from a woman that cheats, then expects her H to do all the work in focusing on the marriage, only to not know if even then she'd love him.

I wouldn't wish this type of woman on my worst enemy. Well, maybe my worst


----------



## fashionista

Yes, it's all about chemicals and blah blah blah. The fog is over and I just feel sad. What I did was unacceptible in every way. It will be a long time until he can trust me to even go to the grocery store. I have to appologize every time I sit on the floor in the foyer to put my shoes on bc it's a trigger for him. Am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life??

I've gotten rid of all the triggers I think. At least the ones I'm aware of anyway. Surely there are more that he doesn't tell me about. 

Every time he gets depressed, affection seems to be the only solution. Most of the time it works, sometime it doesn't. 

But at least I'm trying...


----------



## Jellybeans

You don't sound like someone who understands the gravity of what she has done. 

Your _"Am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life"-_comment sums that up well. 



fashionista said:


> I've gotten rid of all the triggers I think. At least the ones I'm aware of anyway. Surely there are more that he doesn't tell me about.


This will come across as negative though it's not meant to. It's just a reality check: You can't get rid of all the triggers. Because most of them are in his mind. And because you, yourself, are one of his triggers. Meaning, when he looks at you, many times, he is going to trigger. 

I'm just saying.


----------



## CH

:iagree::iagree:

You do it because you want to make him happy, not because you have to make him happy. There is a difference, when it becomes a chore then you're just going through the motions.

And yes, it could last your entire life. 14 years since d-day and once in a blue moon the ugly monster still rears its head. We willingly jumped into the fire, so you're gonna get burned or even toasted, gonna depend on how much you can take to make it work.

But that doesn't mean we have to take abuse. Handling triggers is one thing, getting abused is not something I condone at all.


----------



## TDSC60

fashionista said:


> Yes, it's all about chemicals and blah blah blah. The fog is over and I just feel sad. What I did was unacceptible in every way. It will be a long time until he can trust me to even go to the grocery store. I have to appologize every time I sit on the floor in the foyer to put my shoes on bc it's a trigger for him. Am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life??
> 
> I've gotten rid of all the triggers I think. At least the ones I'm aware of anyway. Surely there are more that he doesn't tell me about.
> 
> Every time he gets depressed, affection seems to be the only solution. Most of the time it works, sometime it doesn't.
> 
> But at least I'm trying...


Your husband may forgive you but. he can never forget what you have done. Triggers will get farther and farther apart but will never completely disappear. 

If both of you are committed it can work. If one of you has any doubts - then it will not work.

Also - have you been completely and totally honest with him? I don't know why but I get the feeling there is more to the story than what you have shared. If you don't feel comfortable posting here that's fine, but do not hide anything from your husband. Any hidden truths or any detail that you are hiding will come back to bite you if he somehow finds out down the road. It's being betrayed all over again.


----------



## calif_hope

*Am I going to have to do this for the rest of my life??*

Maybe not your whole life, but for the next several years, very possible maybe longer...the concensious seems to be up to 5 to take the edge of the "raw"emotions. You destroyed your husband.....your marrage is forever changed thats "FOREVER".......

You two need skills to deal with this....get some help!


*But at least I'm trying... * Wrong attitude, its the least you can do.....you made the mess. This statement seems you want a pat on the back or maybe a gold medal........what you are doing shold be like breating.....like being honest, you either are or you are not.


----------



## fashionista

it just seems to me like he expects things to progress much quicker than they are. we didn't fall out of love over night. and we're not going to fall back in love over night. but i want to make it better than it was. there was obviously something missing before- passion, emotional closeness.

You're right- it is the least I can do. I didn't mean to sound as if it was a chore. We are in MC together. We use it as "date night".


----------



## warlock07

What about the baby?


----------



## working_together

I'm not sure that using your counseling sessions to have "date night" is a great idea. There's a lot of emotions that will be going on, maybe a lot of anger on his side. Sometimes you'll leave you session and you'll both be like WTF?

Can you guys get out besides MC? like dinner or whatever the both of you like to enjoy?

For us, we go out, chill, and get some frustrations out on a couple of games of pool. It's something we did back when we were dating, the only difference is that I play much better now..


----------



## Badblood

working_together said:


> I'm not sure that using your counseling sessions to have "date night" is a great idea. There's a lot of emotions that will be going on, maybe a lot of anger on his side. Sometimes you'll leave you session and you'll both be like WTF?
> 
> Can you guys get out besides MC? like dinner or whatever the both of you like to enjoy?
> 
> For us, we go out, chill, and get some frustrations out on a couple of games of pool. It's something we did back when we were dating, the only difference is that I play much better now..


Sez you. I don't think you could beat my old mother, let alone me.


----------



## Entropy3000

Kimberley17 said:


> Fashionista, as I'm sure you've noticed most people on here are very bitter and judgemental as they have been cheated on. So, if you're looking for an unbiased opinion I don't think you will get it here. I am in the same situation as you and I don't know how to get it back with my husband. I also have deep feelings for someone else. I kind of believe once it's gone it's gone but I don't know. We also have little kids and I will not leave at this point.


Negative. I had an EA umteen years ago and my marriage is the best it has ever been now. But I can assure you that if you have feelings for someone else there is no point in working on the marriage until that is dealt with. You must go through withdrawal first. That means full NC and coming out of the fog. Once one is out of the fog they must own their affair. There is no excuse whatsoever to indulge in an affair. One can rewright history all they want and daemonize their partner, but their is no excuse for having an affair.

Then and only then can the marriage be worked on. Unfortunately the BS has not real obligation to stay in the marriage.

If you have not already quit your job then you are not comitted to moving in the right direction as yet. You have not answered the question about the baby for whatever reason. IF there is the slightest chance the baby is not your husbands you have a huge hurdle to jump over right there in and of itself.

So does your husband know the true extent of your affair? i.e. does he know it was not just an EA?


----------



## Jellybeans

Is the baby even your husband's?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FourtyPlus

You cannot answer a question to which you don't have the answer.


----------



## Initfortheduration

Could you clarify the time frames. You said you have a 4yr old and a 7 month old. How do these dates coincide with a ten month affair? Were you cheating while pregnant? or before? Oh and if you want to love your husband, you have to see thing clearly. You have to think about what you deserve instead of what you have. You have to realize that you deserve to be living alone. When you can finally realize that the man you cheated with is so vastly inferior to the man you have, and can be THANKFUL FOR HIM, then maybe you can love him again. I also believe that as long as you don't feel guilty for being used by this other guy, and dragging your vows, your husband and children through the dirt, you will not be able to love him again. Unless you realize that you don't deserve them, why should you be thankful for them? Try to give yourself some mental pictures of the situation. You now know the infinite pain you have caused. If you can own it, maybe you can love your husband again.


----------



## Edsway

I just needed to step in here,i am new to this forum and you can search my thread,ive been on here everyday and has helped me alot as to what im going through.

But this hits home,i am gaining some personal insite as what is going through my wifes head and i believe what all is saying here is right on the ball,we have all gone through it and speaking for myself ive been the cheater a long time ago but then again i wasnt married at the time.
Now,all i can come to grips with is trust,the trust is gone,i spend my nights trying to figure it out,I trusted my wife with all i had,never once believing that she would cheat though she didnt physically {that i know of} but emotionally it is still cheating,To gain the trust back will take more than what is put into the marriage,this i feel as i am in your husbands shoes right now,will i trust her again,well,she has to prove it to me without a doubt that i can trust her again,its not on me,its all on her,call it selfish on my part,but i wasnt the one that violated the oath and never did,it was her.
Lots of work ahead for you,if you want it to work,you need to come clean with everything,i mean everything,tell him the whole story as to why it was done and what you feel now,the only way to gain the his trust back is to spill it all,then its for him to decide if its worth it to stay,and maybe better to go.


----------



## fashionista

Actually I did answer the question a couple of weeks ago- yes, the baby is my husband's. D day was 3 months ago. I feel like I've gone thru withdrawal and now am in a constant state of depression. I know what I did was wrong and I don't deserve to be here. But I can't just leave him and the kids. 

I have quit my job and am now a stay at home mom. 

My H knows everything about the A: who what when how and why. I've come clean with everything.


----------



## Initfortheduration

That's good. The fog sounds like it might be clearing.


----------



## Shaggy

fashionista said:


> Actually I did answer the question a couple of weeks ago- yes, the baby is my husband's. D day was 3 months ago. I feel like I've gone thru withdrawal and now am in a constant state of depression. I know what I did was wrong and I don't deserve to be here. But I can't just leave him and the kids.
> 
> I have quit my job and am now a stay at home mom.
> 
> My H knows everything about the A: who what when how and why. I've come clean with everything.


So how about some IC for you to help you move forward and build a better you, so that you can in turn be the mom and wife they deserve?


----------



## fashionista

Haven't really thought about going by myself. We do go to MC together. Would I have to go in addition to MC? Since I'm not working, I have no money. It really sucks being dependent on him for money.


----------



## Shaggy

fashionista said:


> Haven't really thought about going by myself. We do go to MC together. Would I have to go in addition to MC? Since I'm not working, I have no money. It really sucks being dependent on him for money.


Some companies health plans cover IC. Does his?


----------



## Jonesey

Help me understand somethings

How bad can your husband be? and how out of love can you be? and at the sometime
trying for a baby,or having unprotected sex with your husband(incase you 2 wasent trying 
for a baby.)

And yet you have one,.Im confused?

And what kinda CREEP did you fall in love with?

I mean romancing a pregnant women,and keep the romance going while after the 
birth of your child .That on top of it is marriead.

Sound like a real upstanding guy.to me Hi is a real keeper,a gem if you will

Since you have been dating the Om for more of the duration of your pregnancy
hi is practically the baby´s "father" can't he pay for your IC.That way he can clear up 
the confusion on what your really want.

And again considering he is such a upstanding guy.Im sure your soon to be
husband won't mind that you take his kids,and move them to their you "Dad"

And of course all this can only happen after you get extensive therapy paid
by lover boy. with should only take a few years. Bit don't worry , The therapy
Is just for the show. You can understand that can't you? I mean we would want people to wonder ,talk ,do we?
i mean you and lover boy couldn't help your self´s
And after all you current husband ,could not manage to win

the husband of the year award for the last millennium.
But lover boy promised to be ,like the army recruiters
say " Be ll that you can be" Marry me fashionista 
And after that you will have a new meal ticket and you can go and live a happy live
in a mansion "198 rooms and a couple of maids. ,with white picket fences.


CASE CLOSED!!! Anything else you need help with?


----------



## Edsway

Jonesey said:


> Help me understand somethings
> 
> How bad can your husband be? and how out of love can you be? and at the sometime
> trying for a baby,or having unprotected sex with your husband(incase you 2 wasent trying
> for a baby.)
> 
> And yet you have one,.Im confused?
> 
> And what kinda CREEP did you fall in love with?
> 
> I mean romancing a pregnant women,and keep the romance going while after the
> birth of your child .That on top of it is marriead.
> 
> Sound like a real upstanding guy.to me Hi is a real keeper,a gem if you will
> 
> Since you have been dating the Om for more of the duration of your pregnancy
> hi is practically the baby´s "father" can't he pay for your IC.That way he can clear up
> the confusion on what your really want.
> 
> And again considering he is such a upstanding guy.Im sure your soon to be
> husband won't mind that you take his kids,and move them to their you "Dad"
> 
> And of course all this can only happen after you get extensive therapy paid
> by lover boy. with should only take a few years. Bit don't worry , The therapy
> Is just for the show. You can understand that can't you? I mean we would want people to wonder ,talk ,do we?
> i mean you and lover boy couldn't help your self´s
> And after all you current husband ,could not manage to win
> 
> the husband of the year award for the last millennium.
> But lover boy promised to be ,like the army recruiters
> say " Be ll that you can be" Marry me fashionista
> And after that you will have a new meal ticket and you can go and live a happy live
> in a mansion "198 rooms and a couple of maids. ,with white picket fences.
> 
> 
> CASE CLOSED!!! Anything else you need help with?


Wait a min,isnt that the way it is?pray upon the weak minded,some guys have that knack,can seek it out,i cant tell you how many people i knew in my lifetime that are able to scope it,prey on it,and get it,only to just dump the tattered remains on the street,and do it all over again like it was nothing new,i am still amazed to this day.
Then again i was told many times im just too nice of a guy.


----------



## Jonesey

im a the only one that wonder how FREEKY the OM must be?


----------



## Jellybeans

^ Yes.


----------



## Shaggy

Jonesey said:


> im a the only one that wonder how FREEKY the OM must be?


You are so mean. Why can't you understand he is perfect and kind and listens to her. He understands her like no one else does. Why can't you be supportive?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jonesey

Shaggy said:


> You are so mean. Why can't you understand he is perfect and kind and listens to her. He understands her like no one else does. Why can't you be supportive?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are so funny


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