# im done but he financially destroyed me



## takecare (Jun 16, 2011)

I've recently discovered that my entire marriage is a lie. That every word my h speaks is a lie. Background: I've always been very independent. My mother raised me to stand on my own two feet. Due to the fact that I work full time+ and care for 99% of the domestic responsibility, my h is in charge of bill payment. He works too and makes more than I do. All the bills are in my name because he moved in with me. Fast forward to today: I recently discovered that he is a prescription drug addict. He lies about it and still refuses to own up to it. He hasn't been paying the bill, or paying them very late. He does our taxes, he's been doing mine since before we were married. I found out 2 days ago that he didn't pay my state taxes a couple of years ago and there is now a lien against me. My credit is ruined and the lease is up on my car in two weeks. I didn't know any of this because he has been hijacking ny mail and hiding it in his car for the last year! We work opposit shifts so its easy for him to get away with. Also, we made plans to have children together and.as soon as we married, he changed his mind. The old bait and switch. I have the pleasure of caring for his kid though while desperately wanting my own. Anyway, I'm ready to go but he has made it virtually impossible for me to stand on my own. I can't get a place to live or a car loan with ruined credit. Anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do to fix it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You need to obtain the services of a CPA who is an enrolled agent (look for EA designation, in this case does not mean emotional affair, LOL). This person can represent you before the IRS under injured spouse provisions. Look for someone who can also assist with credit repair. The most important thing here is documentation. Do your best. Get a safe box at a bank start putting away originals of anything that might help you, no matter how negligible any one piece of paper is, it helps to paint the bigger picture. Think of impressionist paintings, like Warhol, all those dots added up to Marilyn Monroe. Close up it is just a dot, far away, along with all the other dots, and perspective, voila. So the harm has been done and you will have a lot of anger. Channel that into energy, all the revenge energy you would like to take out on him, put into helping yourself. Above all else, don't panic. Find your center, think of how resourceful you are. If you feel bad, think about a case in NH, a very successful woman got had by a guy who was a COMPLETE fraud, he pretended to be a Kennedy...it was horrific, I'm sure she was completely embarassed, people tried to discredit the situation, saying she must have been in on it, how could someone so smart and successful be taken in by someone hook line and sinker. But it happens. More often than ladies would like to admit. It's just nobody talks about it. I've had one marriage that was like that and ended it quickly (he was after finances and free ride, etc.) a relationship where the guy was in law school but turned out he had some big issues...I got rid of him in a snowbank (literally - funny story - that will teach him to tell me not to be a passenger-side driver on my own turf - LOVE that corner and the way our plow guys bank it - perfect for keeping one's mouth shut and buckling up!!!!) another guy was a practicing attorney and blind, I helped him out but it was difficult to become disentangled (he died due to the results of his own manipulative tactics - diabetic who abused insulin...to get attention...when his blindness didn't work...), let's see current stbxh is difficult to figure out, he makes a good show of being on top of finances but he keeps track of profitability and certainly got his control/manipulation fix out of me while making good on his investment...I think I took enough out of the marriage on exiting to make sure he only broke even. 

The bottom line is that time and evidence are on your side. Usually people like your H crash and burn under pressure. What you need to do is to be CONSISTENTLY STABLE AND STICK TO DOCUMENTED FACTS. Erratic pressure and switching tactics will not work, because he will keep going longer if the pressure is not consistent or if there are enough gaps for him to recover enough to think clearly. You are not abusing RX and you have been consistently managing everything....drop some of what you've been managing, for instance, you can afford to give up some housecleaning and cooking (PBJ sandwiches are a warrior's meal), make sure you get good sleep. 

Do consult with a CPA/EA if you can find a law firm that has one on staff then all the better. You don't want a divorce attorney per se you want a criminal/financial person. Interfering with mail is a federal offense when it is done to deceive or injure.

After taking care of the criminal side of things, your divorce will be much easier as if grounds exist...there is much less negotiation possible for him. Don't confuse the criminal case with the divorce/relationship issues. Criminal is criminal, hurt is hurt. One thing can be documented and remedied within the laws, so much more easily, than the other. Focus on that, the rest will take care of itself.

Stay calm. Pay attention to your intuition with regards to your personal safety physically...Rx abuse is a dicey thing. If you feel the need to sleep behind a locked door or at a friends' house or a woman's dorm/house or Y, do so.


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