# drama....seven years post divorce



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I have been stewing about this for the last few days and frankly am not sure if I should react or just let it go. I thought about adding this to the "Does your ex re write history post" but didn't want to hijack that thread. 

So.... A friend of mine recently let me know that my ex wife has been been claiming our 20 year marriage was an abusive relationship, not physically but emotionally. There has been some sort of ongoing dialog on Facebook (of coarse) where her and some others have been discussing the issue, my ex claims it was only in hind sight she realized how abusive and controlling I was.

There's no sense outlining all the details of our marriage but basically I was a doormat husband, we never had yelling arguments, I never stopped her from doing what she wanted, going where she wanted, spending what she wanted. The kids and I lived in the shadow of her life, and that's the simple truth. Heck even her father thanked me for putting up with her shenanigans for all those years. At the end she left the kids with me and moved in with her latest affair partner. all she wanted was her horses and half of everything else. There was no drama during the divorce, and has been no drama since. 

I just don't know how to react to her comments, or if I should even bother. On one hand the comments don't surprise me, she has always needed attention and had a bit of a martyr personality. But on the other hand her comments are reflecting badly on me, and that's unfair to me. 

Typing this out makes me feel a bit better, it also puts things in a clearer perspective. The people that know me saw how things were during my marriage and know she's just talking crap. The people in her life now that's she's saying these things to are not and never will be a part of my life. I guess I will just let it go, I have no desire to get drawn into drama. No amount of arguing is going to change how she chooses to remember things.

Thanks for letting me vent.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yeah, let it go. She wants the drama and attention - don't give it to her. There will be those who take her side and others who just don't want to be involved even though they don't believe her. And then there will be your friends. Your friends and those who really know the situation will get it. They won't judge you.

Those who take her side and just as unstable and like the drama, too. They aren't worth your time or worry and you don't care what they think of you. Their opinion does not matter.

Same thing here - ex told his buds a bunch of crap. Some of them believe it, some of them don't but stay neutral because they can imagine what it's like to be on a narc's bad side. And those who know me could see right through him the whole time. I just didn't know that until after.

Vent away.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Yes, let it go, especially since her new circle of friends will never include or affect you. If you get involved in any way, there's a chance you could be "proving her point."


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Let it go, only because there isn´t anything you can do about it.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I have to agree. Let it go.

Sounds like she needs to do some rewriting to allow herself to live with her choices. My ex does that too. The kids and I live in reality. And we made cookies last night....


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

What she says is out of your hands.
Those she's communicating with aren't in your circle.
What they believe is out of your hands.
D was seven years ago. 

Confronting it WOULD be controlling. 
Prove her wrong by doing nothing.
Venting here not included.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Seriously dude...go all Elsa on her ass...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yes, you were emotionally abusive and neglectful of your marriage because you didn't try to control her more. Sheesh 

BTW, I this is largely the dynamic I suspect was the reason my ex W wanted out, I just wasn't assertive or commanding enough, I guess she needed more of a father figure to set the boundaries and enforce them upon her in order for her to feel loved.

So do you want an equal or do you want a subordinate?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

This is the OP....this isn't the first time the ex has made comments about me, I think this time got to me a bit because she posted stuff on Facebook for all to see. I bailed on Facebook so haven't seen the comments myself but believe what I have been told. 

I'm not going to lose any sleep over any of it though, my conscious is clear and I don't want to waste any energy on her delusions.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Seven years later and she's still acting like a shameless [email protected]#$...?!? Sorry, but I'd have to find a way to call her out on her bullsh*t.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

Your ex sounds EXACTLY like mine, as does your marriage sound a lot like mine. I don't know what to say....I just started a similar thread about her continuing to bring drama into my life and how to deal with it...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your friend can't refute the comments on her page? At least he/she could post a snark or two. I'm sure your children know the truth about their mother and they're the ones who matter.


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