# Getting remarried, daughter troubles



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

A little background information before I ask my question. I've been divorced since 2011. Been dating a woman I met on eHarmony since 6/2015. We had lots of fun over the summer. My kids; g(10), b(12), and g(15) were gradually introduced to my date over a few months this summer, first doing dates and later doing trips. During this Christmas season, we informed the kids that we are getting married.

Here is where my question comes in. Yesterday, my oldest daughter sent a text to by fiance. 

Daughter (D): "Hey I am wondering what colors you picked for your wedding. I'm super excited."

Fiance (F): Hi!! black, white, red, A deep rich red.

F: Nothing is final yet but a little black cute dresses for all the girls and black pants, white shirt and black ties for the guys.

D: That looks great, but those are the color that my mom and dad got marrried in...just wanted to let you know ahead of time.

F: Thanks for telling me. I didn't realize.

D: But if you really liked those colors I wouldn't be offended, I like the idea.

F: Good. I love red roses. It will be a small, elegant dinner party event.

Later that day....3 hrs later, my daughter sends me a text

D: Hey dad, F told me what the colors are for your wedding. I don't think it's a good idea because red and black are the same colors you married my mother in. If you two really really want those colors then it's fin, I'm just not going to wear them, nor brother, nor sister. They don't like the idea either. Any other color with red we think is fine but we are uncomfortable with black and red. I hope you understand. Have a good day.

Me: We will have to talk about this later.

So on the one hand, I am feeling offended and disrespected. This is our wedding. How dare they demand we change the colors! My Fiance and I discussed the colors ahead of time. I wore a white tux with a red bow tie. Girls wore red dresses. Fiance did not know those were the color schemes when she picked them. I did not think it was a big deal. She was trying to use things he had from her daughter's wedding that matched her favorite flowers.

On the other hand, I recognize that those kids are showing loyalty to their mother. I wonder if they talked to their mom about the wedding and what her input was. 

So now, what are my options? If I go with the colors my fiance picked, then those kids will be hurt and be driven further away. If we pick a different color scheme, my bride loses out on her big day. Ugg. Any suggestions or input is welcome.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, your bride doesn't lose out on her big day simply due to color choice.

My take is that you should feel fortunate your kids are on board enough that this one minor issue is your biggest issue. We're not children anymore so often have trouble understand how/why things bother them, but just because it seems small to us, it might be huge to them.

There are plenty of colors in the Rainbow. I'd start the new family unit off on a positive foot, and choose different colors. I'm sure some will disagree with me, but it's the choice I would make to make sure my children knew they were heard.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Your daughter sounds like she handled it maturely here. 

This whole thing is weird for them, you and your soon to be wife are adults. It's not going to hurt you to pick different colours. 
Your children need to come first. This woman hasn't even been in your life a whole year and she is going to have to realize that marrying a man with children means compromise and that the children come first.

I think if you pick the new wife over the kids, it will lead to a lot of problems down the road for you AND her.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You are getting married after just 6 months? Wow that is a whole thread on its own.

As for the colour issue, well why didn't you tell you gf that those were your first wedding colours? You have set her up for failure which is just awful. You made this mistake so it is up to you to fix it, be a dad and choose different colours or this will come back to bite you for years.

Good on your daughter for being the adult in this situation.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Suggestion 1: Elope

Suggestion 2: Drop a color to make it different from your first wedding. Maybe just go with black and white or red and white.

Suggestion 3: Add a color and have the kids dress in that. Maybe silver or gold or something that goes with the black, red, and white.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Holland said:


> You are getting married after just 6 months? Wow that is a whole thread on its own.
> 
> *As for the colour issue, well why didn't you tell you gf that those were your first wedding colours? *You have set her up for failure which is just awful. You made this mistake so it is up to you to fix it, be a dad and choose different colours or this will come back to bite you for years.
> 
> Good on your daughter for being the adult in this situation.


Because he's a man and probably didn't remember? I highly doubt my kids' father would remember our wedding color .

(Oh, and I thought the same thing about 6 months....yikes)


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Color theme is a minor issue here, which your daughter handled very maturely and I think she is right. Your rush to marry is the bigger issue, IMO.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Looks like you raised your kids right. Be proud that they can discuss concerns with you in a mature and respectful way.


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## mandik (Jan 13, 2016)

She can still use the stuff from her daughter wedding with a lil modified to it. Like red, black, silver, gold - leave off the white - you've been married before its been done..can't change that champagne ,off white..marriage is about respect , compromise and understanding.. If you each can't do this than maybe dating a lil longer is what you need. And congratulation on a second chance at happiness.

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