# First day retired and figuring out new marriage dynamic.



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Today is my first day of retirement. I woke up the same time I usually did to go to work. I checked my iPhone for messages from work that were not there. I still have that knot in my stomach that someone is going to call with an emergency at work. That will change in time.

The biggest change is that now I have been inserted into my wife's world and routine and we both need to adjust. Too much together time is not good for a marriage. At least that is what we found in our 46 years of being happily married. I already have a few household tasks to do but if I start to spend too much time with my wife she tells me to get out and leave her alone to do whatever it is that she was doing.

I guess we will figure it out since we love each other and at our ages we have to make it work so we can take care of the other. My wife's world is some shopping, some housework and then watching TV on the couch with the dog. The dog does not even like me around this much. The other day he actually jumped between us trying to dig a space for him to lay down.  


Any other retired guys here that an offer some tips? The marriage is good as is the sex. Only issue is trying to mesh our two worlds and live our marriage differently than before.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Buy a motorcyle

Pick up fishing

Start wood carving

Purge your stuff...anything you haven't used for 3 years sell or throw out

Estate sales

Sex first thing in the morning! Then go for a ride on the harley to your new fishing hole pull out your telescopic fishing rod and cast a line. Then pull out your pocket knife and whittle something up. On the way home stop at an estate sale!


Then bang the wife again and be gratful!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

A couple of friends are retired, and made the adjustment. One in particular stays busy and out of his wife's way (and they do have a good relationship) by doing volunteer work, he's on the board of the senior center, visits family, cooks alternate days, helps out at the iron man competitions, and grows veggies in his garden. We get together and shoot pool once or twice a week.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> Buy a motorcyle
> 
> Pick up fishing
> 
> ...



Already threw out all the stuff I have not used for the last year. Had a Triumph and after almost getting killed a few times and seeing my best friend become disabled when a car his is Electroglide, I swore of bikes. Not into wood carving but I am an amateur radio operator and plan to do that. I have setup a spare bedroom as my man cave. Big screen TV, two desks, 4 computers, an Xbox360 and my gun and knife collection on display along with all the awards I won over my adult years.


The wife does not like sex in the morning and is currently without a girlfriend. My wife is bi and we shared her ex girlfriend for 30 years. Hard to adjust to sex with just two but we manage.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

If money allows, get a private pilot license.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am fortunate because my husband has more or less worked from home for years, so I am used to him being around a lot. We don't find it hard to be together most of the time anyway. We also each have different things that we do also. 

I would suggest that once or twice a week you go out somewhere nice together. Maybe find a new interest or hobby that you both like as well. Then on the others you can each do you own thing. You need to find things that you enjoy as well. Voluntary work, hobbies, classes etc .

My husband is in his early 60's, and has started doing lots of odd jobs for the elderly people in our church. Things such as gardening, pressure washing their paths or patios, painting, cleaning windows and conservatories etc. If they don't have much money then they hardly pay him anything. If they can afford it they pay him an hourly rate which isn't that much but helps a little with our income. They are also very grateful as well as they cant afford proper tradesmen, and they find it hard to trust people they don't know in and around their house. It also keeps him fit and healthy. 

IF you like that sort of thing that may be a possibility.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Vinnydee said:


> Today is my first day of retirement. I woke up the same time I usually did to go to work. I checked my iPhone for messages from work that were not there. I still have that knot in my stomach that someone is going to call with an emergency at work. That will change in time.
> 
> The biggest change is that now I have been inserted into my wife's world and routine and we both need to adjust. Too much together time is not good for a marriage. At least that is what we found in our 46 years of being happily married. I already have a few household tasks to do but if I start to spend too much time with my wife she tells me to get out and leave her alone to do whatever it is that she was doing.
> 
> ...


I don't know how old you are but my husband retired and then got a part-time job 20 hours a week. It's in the evenings so we still have most of the day together. When he eventually stops working entirely, we'll both be in rockers, I imagine. Quitting work cold turkey about drove me nuts with him following me around every where every minute of the day. 

We do sometimes go to the swingers clubs and have met with others but never gotten involved sexually. What did come out of that was a realization that neither of us was doing enough to keep ourselves up physically. So, we go to the gym together and work out, which has enhanced our self-image about being an older couple but still caring enough to keep up attractiveness. This also helped with releasing many different types of stresses. 

To allow my husband more household interaction, he often cooks breakfast and, sometimes, dinners. I helped him with this by showing him over a period of time how to make some different plates and talking to him about how I decide on combinations that have a nutritional purpose. He finds this activity satisfying but also, he took a stronger interest in his own plate choices.

My husband took up drone flying for a hobby and got his commercial drone license. He has played bagpipes for about 20 years, so he goes to bagpipe practices every week and plays at local events. 

As a guy who was used to an outside routine, it was really hard for my husband to suddenly have nothing to do. I encouraged him to use his dayplanner every morning and a calendar near out kitchen to map out his day/month/week so we are both on the same page about schedules and activities.

There are a LOT of activities for retirees. AARP magazine often has good suggestions so if you get that magazine, check it out. 

There are organizations that need volunteers with a variety of skills, like taking kids who've never fished, fishing; meals-on-wheels drivers; veterans' groups - make a list of your skills and knowledge and look through the internet for local organizations who might benefit from your presence and knowledge. 

There are companies who hire retirees to do consulting on a limited basis - utilizing the sage knowledge of seniors to teach others. It's nice sometimes to keep a little skin in the game as a consultant depending on your career path. 

Like your wife, I pushed my husband away to get out from under me, because I was literally bumping into him at times. Over time, we learned to dance around each other in the kitchen or wherever so that we accomplished more faster rather than both of us tripping over each other doing the same things. We go out to music events together and got to know some of the local music venues. Nice way to meet other folks with similar interests.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Vinnydee said:


> Already threw out all the stuff I have not used for the last year. Had a Triumph and after almost getting killed a few times and seeing my best friend become disabled when a car his is Electroglide, I swore of bikes. Not into wood carving but I am an amateur radio operator and plan to do that. I have setup a spare bedroom as my man cave. Big screen TV, two desks, 4 computers, an Xbox360 and my gun and knife collection on display along with all the awards I won over my adult years.
> 
> 
> The wife does not like sex in the morning and is currently without a girlfriend. My wife is bi and we shared her ex girlfriend for 30 years. Hard to adjust to sex with just two but we manage.


I like the ham radio activity.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> I am an amateur radio operator and plan to do that.


Well if you're interested in that and haven't already gone there. You could expand it to collecting and restoring old military radios.

I would start with an AN/PRC77 or AN/PRC25 Set (if you like vacuum tubes). Then get the CES for it; So the canvas harness or the aluminium ALICE harness with the golf bag, rubber truncheon, 10 ft antenna, flexible gooseneck, 3ft battle whip and antenna-lightweight (so you can set up a horizontal dipole). Plus the handset, in-ear piece and speaker box. Then if you're really keen you can invest in the large a RC-292 antenna. Then consider other historic military radios along the way.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

prc 77 is a rescue radio that I used to carry in my survival vest.......Is it that old? Am I that old?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I think what first struck me is that your wife is content a routine of chores, shopping and TV.... I guess she has the girlfriend for entertainment.

My parents were both very busy professionals before they retired about 5 years ago. I often point to their relationship as quite an example of a happy partnership - so I will give some exampels of how they make it work - and perhaps it will perk some interests. They stay very active and "busy" even in retirement.

First, they both have their passions. Hers is horses, and his is motor sports and the outdoors.

She stays busy with her horse back riding, training and competitions which they travel together to.

He is into open road racing, has his cars he works on, and meets he attends - she goes with him to his meets, and supports him just like he does with her sport.

He is also into hiking, which he does daily (often when she is busy riding) and camping. Every summer they go on a road trip / camping adventure. They also travel - Europe etc.

In addition, she is an expert in the medical field, and still gets invited to speak at conferences etc - another opportunity for them to travel together.

She volunteers time with health clinics for the needy.

My dad is a dog lover and fosters rescues.

After retirement my dad took up cooking, and enjoys shopping for unique ingredients and making grand meals.

Together they host dinner parties for their friends, and also hold many social events at their home. Basket ball viewing parties, world cup etc.

For them, retirement has been a time to focus on the things they really enjoy. To give back in ways that they were not able to when work responsibilities bogged them down.

They have more time to enjoy each other - travel, cooking at home etc and more time to get out and explore. 

What is your passion? What do you wish you had more time for back when you were working?


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

When my dad retired it was quite the adjustment.. He too was under my moms feet. Very frustrating for her but I think that's when she started getting involved with her church clubs among other things. Each time I called, she was never there!! They still garden together and also travel often. And when my dad needs an extra hand, she is there to help. He now has a couple dogs to look after which are like toddlers.

One of my friends mentioned that in Italy the women must kick out the men during the day so they can cook since there are so many men sitting at the park.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Betrayedone said:


> prc 77 is a rescue radio that I used to carry in my survival vest.......Is it that old? Am I that old?


Survival Vest!!??? How big was your survival vest?

As a former infantry NCO and qualified Regimental Signaller, I used the 77 Set a lot until we started to receive the new digital radios in the mid 1990s. It was used as a Battalion, Company, Platoon and Section/Squad radio. Plus our buckets (M113 APC's) and Land Rover FFR's (Fitted For Radio) used the 77 Set with the AN/GRC-160 mount until we got the digital kit.

That radio with CES (without the massive 292 antenna which fit in a trailer) weighted circa 12kg/25 lb and required a backpack radio harness or ALICE frame to carry it. Or it fit into the big radio pocket inside my large ALICE pack in the early days. Which I replaced with the Wilderness Equipment SAS pack, which it fit into with internal retaining straps.

I just can't see how it could ever have been carried in a survival vest.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

CharlieParker said:


> If money allows, get a private pilot license.


That is exactly what my cousin did after playing Flight Simulator for years. Finally took real lessons.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Personal said:


> Survival Vest!!??? How big was your survival vest?
> 
> As a former infantry NCO and qualified Regimental Signaller, I used the 77 Set a lot until we started to receive the new digital radios in the mid 1990s. It was used as a Battalion, Company, Platoon and Section/Squad radio. Plus our buckets (M113 APC's) and Land Rover FFR's (Fitted For Radio) used the 77 Set with the AN/GRC-160 mount until we got the digital kit.
> 
> ...


OK.....it's coming back to me now.....Perhaps a PRC-90?


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Buy a motorcyle
> 
> Pick up fishing
> 
> ...


This is how I want my retirement to be.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I have a few years to retirement. My plan is already sitting in my garage(two of them) and of vintage years. Classic cars. Involvement with classic car clubs, road touring, etc. There is plenty to do to keep out from under my W feet when she needs me out from there. And, I do not have any issue spending time by myself. I can sit in a chair on my deck all day watching the birds at the feeders. I have hand built wood ship models (R/C) from scratch and will do so again. Then there is gardening and property upkeep.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> If money allows, get a private pilot license.


And then build a plane.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Vinnydee said:


> That is exactly what my cousin did after playing Flight Simulator for years. Finally took real lessons.


paramotoring...much cheaper...no licenses required.....many ex pilots take up this hobby


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