# How romantic are you? Is romance dead?



## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Do you ever think it's getting harder and harder to 'be romantic' and have it come across as genuine and not just super-cheesy? Like tv and movies have ruined everything? How can a guy tell his mrs how he feels about her, if like me you use "umm", "ahh" and "ehhh" a lot in these situations, and you have sat through countless romantic movies with her where the guy says it x100 better and more eloquently than you can. Do women compare us to the guy in the movies? Please say no!
'Romantic Meals' too - can you go for a 'romantic meal', candles, mood music etc without it feeling cliched? Dates - they always do awesome things on tv, really well-thought out stuff, where they go to a museum and the guy has hidden a rose inside the stegosaurus skeleton and whips it out at the perfect time... I think they set unrealistic expectations for us all. 
I guess I've found the most romantic things I've done (according to my long-suffering wife) are the things I've done un-knowingly, where I've demonstrated that I know what she wants and needs right at that moment - any actual attempts at suave romantic gestures have been pretty disastrous! Just wondering if anyone, male or female still does the stereotypical romantic things with any success?!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I think Halmark romance is cheesy and have a hard time with the grand gestures you see in the media. I try to inject small doses of romance into my marriage and I always make it a surprise deal. Out of the blue. Just because...

After 20 years my wife thinks its very romantic when I do the dishes or clean the bathroom. :scratchhead:


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Romance can be hard. I think I fall more into the considerate catagory. Maybe my wife thinks those actions are romantic, but I think I have no game when it comes to romance.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No, most women do not judge their husband's romancing them against movies. We sure do not want to be judged against women in the movies either.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

what kind of things do you do to romance your wife?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DoYouWoo said:


> Just wondering if anyone, male or female still does the stereotypical romantic things with any success?!


MY husband can blow away some of that stuff I see in the movies when he is just expressing his heart to me, a # of times it has brought me to tears. 

I don't think it is so much what you do, but HOW YOU FEEL... 

Anything we do together has an aire of Romance to it....I tend to be a bit feisty & erotic & he is Mr Love & Devotion, so when we get off alone-funny it is running away from our kids now!! so wehn we are shutting the world out - there is a nice mix of romantic chemicals in the air. 

I have planned very Romantic Vacations for us -where we had our own heart shaped pool in our room, mirrors on the ceilings -filling the room with love songs on my ipod , what an awesme atmosphere, we taped each other in the Hot tub , we let those bubbles get so out of hand , they were dripping on the floor below us, alot of laughter... this is the room....Champagne Tower, Glass Tub, Hotel Room Jacuzzi, Heart Shaped Tub

It was so memorable, we booked it again for the next year. The 1st year, we found more "erotic" , the 2nd year was just as good but more "emotional", both memories for a lifetime. We did ice skating, he couldn't stand up, it was my 1st time, I didn't do to bad considering, we went horse back riding together, on a boat, etc. 

We have taken country vacations getting out own little cabin in the woods- a hot tub on the porch, trees & singing birds all around us , enjoing simple walks holding hands on nature trails near by, taking pictures of ourselves. 

At home we have read to each other, laughing rolling around on a cover under a shade tree getting frisky, filling our bath with bubbles, lighting candles around the tub, climbing in bubbling each other up . Just hearing a romantic song on the radio, it can bring you back to another special time in our past, this is very romantic as well.

Earlier this year we spent a night at a ski resort & went snow Tubing -had fun like we were kids -without our kids! Enjoyed a hot tub out in the COLD air with this open room watching people skiing down the slopes while we held each other.... just NEW experiences can be so romantic, just sharing them together for the 1st time... (this year we will bring the kids -after we had our time alone). 

We ate at this one restaurant high on this slope, only one other couple in there, they were snuggled up on a couch by a fire kissing & kissing -like new lovers, he looked like a well dressed 
businessman & she so much younger, we kept speculating if they were having an affair, of coarse no way to tell but the place was PERFECT for one!!! 

When they left we went over to that couch & that fire... just so very thankful for what we have in our marraige. After 6 kids to feel as close to each other as if we was in that whirlwind romance phase still. 

I do believe we are still on our "Mid life" honeymoon . 

Romance is still alive. It can be found, maybe some other things need to be found 1st... the vulnerability with each other to talk openly & express all that is written on our hearts for each other. 

If you feel it, dare to express it, this is where romance is born.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If you feel it, dare to express it, this is where romance is born.


Oh I love this. We are romantic types. Admittedly, I'd let my side of things slip. It's wonderful to give him little romantic gestures again. Some might think of these things as cheesy, but they don't feel it to me. I don't compare to movies. The most romantic movies to me are just about finding connection - not the gestures of "hiding a rose at the museum." So now that I have that covered, here's who we are in our romantic life .........it's things like this:

He'll invite me for a dinner and movie date. He will tell me to dress comfy in my pj's and then make a candlelit dinner at home, serving a lovely dinner. He'll have the living room set up with blanket and cushions on the floor. Casablanca and movie treats to enjoy and candles lit. I LOVE these moments. 

It could even be as simple as making us sandwiches and meeting me at work during my lunch break. Or I might leave a love note in his work shirt pocket for him, or sneak it into the car the night before for him to find in the morning. I also love to make him good old mix-tapes to listen to. He knows I spend hours obsessing over these and thankfully understands the consideration given. I kinda like it's a bit old-school to do this too. 

The other week, I left a large hand-drawn love note for him next to a cup, with teabag at the ready and cookies, for when he arrived home and I was working late. Just a little something to let him know I'm thinking of him.

Evening indoor picnics are a favorite of mine. Move the furniture out of the way, set up the picnic on the floor, have music playing. Setting up a home 'spa' of bubble bath, massage and chocolates. This was something I used to do a lot of. I really need to make those evenings happen more. I'd switch up slightly each time but to give an idea, I'd get champagne truffles, we'd share a bath, and I'd give him a relaxing back massage afterwards. Sometimes this lead to sex in the bathtub or other such things but sometimes it was just a pampering night at home for him.

Despite these types of gestures, I also find it romantic to just sit and chat into the evening together. Or watch a sunset. We always share a kiss as the sun is 'disappearing'. Walking hand in hand. The way he looks at me as he strokes my hair. Sometimes the simplest moments can be the most cherished.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would just like a conversation about love and our relationship with my husband without it being awkward. Geez! Is that too much to ask for?!!?!?!?!?! :rofl: Apparently so.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Our romance is as strong as ever! We've been married 12 years. I love it! We both work at romancing each other. We have a lot of passion in our marriage. We also are very affectionate to one another as well. We've always had a really strong marriage and spend quality time with each other daily.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

heartsbeating said:


> Sometimes the simplest moments can be the most cherished.


Yes, we really don't need to spend any money at all. It is truly ....all about the heart, but it is fun to get a little creative. 


Heartsbeating, I am jealous of your husbands creativity, at our house, I am purely the creative force. It just IS what it is. His heart is there -on a sleeve , always beeming to go along .....but I am the planner, the mover, the shaker. I think I have spoiled him. Probably alot to do with me being the scheduler of our every hour , with as many kids as us, who can be sponstaneous, it's ALOT of running around, he never knows when he comes home each day how many extra kids will be there to welcome him, or run into him or trip over his boots, sometimes it is a madhouse. I am happy he doesn't mind. 

He has surprised me a handful of times over the years, once he called a radio station to play a song for us in our early marraige. Very sweet. He has sent me emails with a song link and a sentence or 2 of how much I mean to him. I wish so bad I would have kept a journal back then, I know there was so much more.


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

wow - SimplyAmorous & Heartsbeating - you are my Romance Gods! I really am envious of how easily all those great ideas seem to come to you and your partners. My wife and I are trying to fit in what romantic time and gestures we can right now (baby no. 3 just arrived a.k.a. The Romance Terminator...), but once the dust has settled in a few months, I'm using you guys as my inspirations to not let my past romance disasters affect me, and keep on going for it - God (and my wife) loves a trier!

Somebody asked what romantic things I have tried in the past. a list of my romantic misadventures:

- picnic in the park - it rained, dogs ruined it too, and I forgot the mayo
- love poems - tried to write something smooth, Lionel Ritchie-style, which ended up sounding labored and just weird for me as I don't talk that way. Luckily I saved the day by ripping up the poem and just saying "You make me feel sparkly, ok?", which got my a huge hug - surprise score!
- jewelry - it gave her a rash - we'd just got married and were broke so I got something off-a-guy-who-knows-a-guy-wink-wink which turned out to be a big piece of shiny cr-p
- romantic getaway - we went to Rome for a romantic weekend, and as I am a soccer-lover I thought she'd love to go see Roma play Inter Milan as much as I wanted to as well (looking back I'm amazed I convinced myself of this!). It was January and freezing and we were stuck in the bleachers and 2 big russian guys claimed we were in their seats and looked like they wanted to crush me Ivan Drago-style.

So yeah, a lot of my attempts have sucked due to my own uselessness I know. But I'm improving!


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

DoYouWoo said:


> Do you ever think it's getting harder and harder to 'be romantic' and have it come across as genuine and not just super-cheesy? Like tv and movies have ruined everything? How can a guy tell his mrs how he feels about her, if like me you use "umm", "ahh" and "ehhh" a lot in these situations, and you have sat through countless romantic movies with her where the guy says it x100 better and more eloquently than you can. Do women compare us to the guy in the movies? Please say no!
> 'Romantic Meals' too - can you go for a 'romantic meal', candles, mood music etc without it feeling cliched? Dates - they always do awesome things on tv, really well-thought out stuff, where they go to a museum and the guy has hidden a rose inside the stegosaurus skeleton and whips it out at the perfect time... I think they set unrealistic expectations for us all.
> I guess I've found the most romantic things I've done (according to my long-suffering wife) are the things I've done un-knowingly, where I've demonstrated that I know what she wants and needs right at that moment - any actual attempts at suave romantic gestures have been pretty disastrous! Just wondering if anyone, male or female still does the stereotypical romantic things with any success?!


I like this post. The flip side of wives complaining their husbands want pornstar sex.


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Let me just be clear - we were living in Europe at the time when we went to Rome! I'm not rich! Chelle D - agree, my planning in the past has left a lot to be desired...


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> I like this post. The flip side of wives complaining their husbands want pornstar sex.


My wife would NEVER allow me to have sex with a pornstar.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Enginerd said:


> After 20 years my wife thinks its very romantic when I do the dishes or clean the bathroom. :scratchhead:


Wow! If that were the case with me, my wife would have probably remained crazy about me and we wouldn't be divorced.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DoYouWoo said:


> Somebody asked what romantic things I have tried in the past. a list of my romantic misadventures:
> 
> - picnic in the park - it rained, dogs ruined it too, and I forgot the mayo
> - love poems - tried to write something smooth, Lionel Ritchie-style, which ended up sounding labored and just weird for me as I don't talk that way. Luckily I saved the day by ripping up the poem and just saying "You make me feel sparkly, ok?", which got my a huge hug - surprise score!
> ...


I think some of your adventures are kinda :rofl:! Whenever you do get caught up in a romantic adventure, and you & she is kicking back in bed later, bring up some of what you just shared here, all these "Remember whens".... should get you both rolling. 

You are not useless & we all can improve. If you have the attitude you aren't giving up - it if darn well kills you, you are going to show her - you are Mr Romance... even if a bird comes along and craps on your flower you was just going to hand to her - but you ain't giving up, there is always a next time. 

The stuff you talk about here reminds us of our attempts to take our boys fishing, it doesn't happen much cause every darn time they don't catch anything , but sea weed, another bobber, my husband would spend the entire time FIXING running from one reel to the other fixing the lines for 5 of our kids- it was exhausting & he was glad when they got bored ..... but we didn't give up, last time our 10 yr old was catching so many, he was constantly turning around to get the hooks out & he told him to STOP catching them. Funny how life is.

Never give up. 

Here is a good book on this subject, written by a man who was voted the Most Romantic Husband :

Amazon.com: The RoMANtics Guide: Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love (9780786884346): Michael Webb: Books
.


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think some of your adventures are kinda :rofl:! Whenever you do get caught up in a romantic adventure, and you & she is kicking back in bed later, bring up some of what you just shared here, all these "Remember whens".... should get you both rolling.
> .


Thing is, we DO laugh about it, how useless I am, and she knows why I'm trying and appreciates it - but y'know just once I'd love to go for the Big Kahuna romantic gesture and pull it off. I have asked Santa for a drawing board, markers, magnets and all, to assist in the planning process


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DoYouWoo said:


> My wife would NEVER allow me to have sex with a pornstar.


I have allowed mine to get pictures with them!  He likes to take these back to work & show the guys , I swear that is his big motivation, I just think it is funny.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DoYouWoo said:


> Thing is, we DO laugh about it, how useless I am, and she knows why I'm trying and appreciates it - but y'know just once I'd love to go for the Big Kahuna romantic gesture and pull it off. I have asked Santa for a drawing board, markers, magnets and all, to assist in the planning process


heheh ......oh I love your attempt stories!!! And it's good to hear that you both laugh about it.

My husband can be very creative and thoughtful BUT ya know, it took a few proposal attempts by hubs. He'd sought out a beautiful park for a picnic for the 1st proposal attempt. I came down with a terrible flu. He dragged me out regardless but when I was reaching for another tissue, it was obvious this wasn't the right timing. I later found out he'd booked dinner at a lovely restaurant for that night but that was cancelled and he ended up bringing me soup while I was tucked in bed (we were traveling at the time).

Then onto the next attempt. While still traveling and at a different location, he'd managed to arrange flowers in room, private car pick up, dinner with an amazing view .....and I can't remember the details but I just know that anything that could have gone wrong, did. I realized what was going on and the look on his face during dinner really had me feeling for him. lol poor guy. He asked if he could speak to his best friend instead of his girl friend. I laughed, and put my "best friend" hat on and then we laughed about how the night was going down.

Third attempt. Back home and he decided to keep it simple. The sun came out and he wanted to take me to the beach nearby. I was in the middle of sorting and cleaning and refused to go to the beach. He got cranky because I was resisting then we almost had an argument lol. He finally just asked. The question was bursting to get out. 

And then .......when we had the engagement ring sized and ready, he proposed AGAIN in a truly romantic, simple way. 


Sometimes, keeping it simple is the best way to go. It seems the more pressure to make it "right" the harder it is to pull off. Go with the flow, plan, laugh when the plan doesn't go right, and just keep trying.  While thinking of what she'd like, also don't try to be something you're not.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DoYouWoo said:


> Thing is, we DO laugh about it, how useless I am, and she knows why I'm trying and appreciates it - but y'know just once I'd love to go for the Big Kahuna romantic gesture and pull it off. I have asked Santa for a drawing board, markers, magnets and all, to assist in the planning process


OK, I have a very Romantic Idea for you....... This is what I did that pretty much threw me into going wildy MAD for my husband...this is what you want for your wife to do , right ...go MAD for you??

Anyway, 3 yrs ago, after being involved in some community project for a whole summer, I realized I have been ignorning him too much, I felt a little bad -plus the project was over and I needed something new to do.... so I took the time one night, stayed up ALL NIGHT LONG , no sleep at all - to scan old pictures of us , and created a *MOVIE MAKER VIDEO*.... this was ON my old computer, I have no idea if this download is the same but they are all similar...

Windows Movie Maker - Download

This program will allow you to add as many pics as you want, in any order, you can have them open in hearts & fancy things , then add a favorite love song that will melt her heart - and this software does all the work putting the video together. I used this really MUSHY song called "This I promise You"

Then when I played this thing back finally done around 4 am or something...not sure I was prepared for the emotions.... I just sat there and balled, like oh my God, how fast the years have flew past, what beautiful memories we had, how sexy my husband was back then , how I wanted to go back there, how I feel we missed so much of each other , we were here the whole time but yet NOT really there ENOUGH, ya know. A flood of mushy gushy emotions took over me , I am convinced it caused a Dopamine RUSH under me and well, my husband says it started THAT day... I fell madly in love like a love struck teenager and well, we've been terribly romantic ever since. That was 3 yrs ago.

So try that! 

That was my 1st Creative idea, and accually the most Powerful one I had up my sleeve to arouse Passion in myself , which he loved being the benefit of that, never thought he would see the day. 

I made one of these for another friend of mine a few months later, I scanned a bunch of her wedding photos- threw it together using that same song ... she took it home on Disk, played it back for him that night , and I guess he cried, it gave them some needed tender moments -for a time anyway.


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Ok SimplyAmorous - I will make a promise to you that in 3 months, when baby no.3 starts to sleep at semi-predictable times (well, she is a girl, you are all pretty temperamental anyway, right  ) I will do this. I cannot promise you I will use a song quite so MUSH-TASTIC as "This I promise you" though!
Sidenote - what's the mushiest song you can think of? Anything slow by Shania Twain is probably up there...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wow, you have your own website, what is that all about-- need to take a peek... now it sounds you are looking for more ideas for this website - no?

From this moment would be beautiful , more like the perfect Wedding song ... From This Moment On - Shania Twain - Lyrics - YouTube

Bunch of Love song ideas here - me & some others have Links in our posts ... to give a listen.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social-spot/11793-please-list-some-your-favorite-love-songs-here.html


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

"From this moment" was our first dance song at our wedding, last song of the night was "Nothin's gonna stop us now" by Starship, which I still love!

Yeah my website is like a side-project I started doing about 6 months ago. It was more of a brain dump of mine of things that had been in my head for a while, like a resource I wished there was online already. This forum I guess allows me to interact with people in the same boat and hang out - nothing more sinister! But if you check out my site, let me know what you think!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife thinks Snow White was a documentary.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> "I sucked so much at romance, I started a website and researched the bejaysus out of how people as useless as me can be a wee bit more romantic: Do You Woo? "


 I should start a website like yours, I could say ...."I sucked so much in Bed due to Prudish thinking, my husband used to call me a Nun"...... something to that effect. I even told him his penis was homely.... boy have I ever come a ways !!! 

I can't even believe that used to be ME!! So change is ooooh so possible . I think that is great to have a website on Romance! I did take a peak, you have alot on there. Now you can add my Movie Maker Video idea to your growing list.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

What is this "romance" of which you speak? I think I may have experienced it a handful of times in 17yrs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If romance is dead, that means flirting, teasing, surprises, and all that crap is dead - which it's not.

However, if one's idea of romance is what they see in the movies, dressing up in a penguin suit and serenading (lol) etc, or spilling out endless and annoying lovey doveys... ack! =/

Not my thing... but then again, I have been guilty of doing a few 'surprises' (kinda pranks first, makeup romance later though heh, but that's just me), like sneaking up on the missus and sweeping her off her feet ending up with her screeching hehe, or getting her a hideous gift on occasions (or even none at all) to get her going WTF - and even yelling at me before showing her what I really got her and making her flutter lol, it's a contrast to my natural gift-giving ability, as I pay a lot of subconcious attention... but I don't like the simple "oh hey, I care about you, here you go" thing, I prefer the "oh what? oops, I forgot, sorry! I know I know, I'm such an ass... BTW look at this..." hehe

But those types are just one-offs before the cooldown in between each one, during good times a romantic time together for us could be just laying next to each other, or a few hours alone at the beach, with me splashing water on her and chasing her, or her trying to put sand down my shorts. As for the atmosphere, I hate it when it looks intended, I like to pretend I have nothing to do with any setup.

Also why I "pretend" to change destinations in the car, so while she's expecting a normal night, I surprise her with a romantic evening she never expects. As for being smooth, meh, I have my own style, and I don't follow anyone else's. If you try to deviate from your own style you will stammer.

I enjoy romance and I like to make it fun. But sometimes a more heart-felt moment is needed, and one just has to express how they feel in their heart and know the words to use. But that quality is something I don't really like, even if it feels good and romantic, the missus loves it however for some reason. Probably because she wants to remember that I'm still a human being with compassion no matter how "smooth" I can be.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> What is this "romance" of which you speak? I think I may have experienced it a handful of times in 17yrs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Which just makes it all the more special when it happens.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

The things that most turn on my wife do not tend to be romantic gestures as much as they tend to be me following through on things like taking out the trash, folding the laundry, walking/running the dogs, being home when I say I'm going to be home and just, generally, helping her around the house.

The fact that I am likely one of the most talented cunnilingists on the planet Earth, unfortunately, is often lost on her if I don't take care of the above mentioned items.:scratchhead: 

When I do want to be "romantic", typically, I will light the candles in the bedroom, open up a bottle of wine, put on some music and get us in the shower and to bed before we are exhausted.

Once in bed, I do enjoy engaging in foreplay such as light touching, kissing and massage.

While half the time or more, we have sex without any romantic overtures, whatsoever, it is nice to keep romance alive on a semiregular basis.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think some of your adventures are kinda :rofl:! Whenever you do get caught up in a romantic adventure, and you & she is kicking back in bed later, bring up some of what you just shared here, all these "Remember whens".... should get you both rolling.
> 
> You are not useless & we all can improve. If you have the attitude you aren't giving up - it if darn well kills you, you are going to show her - you are Mr Romance... even if a bird comes along and craps on your flower you was just going to hand to her - but you ain't giving up, there is always a next time.
> 
> ...


I know with my wife, it is often the thought, even if the results are less than what I expected. I got her dance lessons for the two of us one Christmas. It was a gift that she never would have gotten, and it was also a romantic gift. Unfortunately, I still dance like I never took the lessons. She still teases me about my two left feet. But when she does, she gets that look in her eye and I know that she loves that I would subject myself to that for her. And she typically demonstrates her feelings to me later that evening when we get alone.


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> The fact that I am likely one of the most talented cunnilingists on the planet Earth, unfortunately, is often lost on her if I don't take care of the above mentioned items.:scratchhead:


:lol: So true! "Where are your priorities woman?!". Isn't it odd how doing your chores is seen as a 'hot' thing, yet she seems apathetic when you wear your sexy lederhosen and talk in a german accent? Oh, just me eh?


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