# masturbation addiction



## confusedbrun1

Ok, just a bit of info on us first. been married to my dh for 10 yrs together for 13. We have 3 kids he's in the military and I am a nurse. TMI..We have a very active sex life meaning, we have sex every night and have been like this since we first started dating. With that said, my dh is addicted to masturbating. I know we all do it but to have sex with your wife every night and on top of it wake up in the middle of the night and masturbate. I do not understand his need to do this. I HAVE confronted him but he denies it stating he must be doing it in his sleep.

So not true! I can tell he is FULLY awake and as soon as he hears me wake up stops, and then waits for me to fall back to sleep all the while he goes back to pretending to be asleep. I have caught him on his cellphone viewing porn. Once he is done with it...ok this is waaaaaay tmi.... he licks it! I am so grossed out with him. He has been doing this for a few years now and it shows no signs of stopping.

On top of this I have caught him 4 times now on webcams showing himself to other women (not professional paid sites) but REAL girls. I checked out the site and these people on these sites are just like you and I just viewing other people from there home on webcam. I looked at his cellphone today and found that he was at least visiting a free webcam site. I have told him porn is one thing and I am ok with that but I am NOT ok we webcams. I have almost left him before b/c of this and the masturbating. I can't take it anymore! 

P.S. we have tried a marriage counselor and that hasn't worked with him b/c HE didn't open up. He doesn't think he has a problem, denies masturbating and will deny the webcam. Please give me smeo advice. I am 32 years old and I am just so tired of thinking about this all the time.


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## confusedbrun1

confusedbrun1 said:


> Ok, just a bit of info on us first. been married to my dh for 10 yrs together for 13. We have 3 kids he's in the military and I am a nurse. TMI..We have a very active sex life meaning, we have sex every night and have been like this since we first started dating. With that said, my dh is addicted to masturbating. I know we all do it but to have sex with your wife every night and on top of it wake up in the middle of the night and masturbate. I do not understand his need to do this. I HAVE confronted him but he denies it stating he must be doing it in his sleep.
> 
> So not true! I can tell he is FULLY awake and as soon as he hears me wake up stops, and then waits for me to fall back to sleep all the while he goes back to pretending to be asleep. I have caught him on his cellphone viewing porn. Once he is done with it...ok this is waaaaaay tmi.... he licks it! I am so grossed out with him. He has been doing this for a few years now and it shows no signs of stopping.
> 
> Please give me advice I don't know what to do anymore. Again porn doesn't bother me it's the webcams. He exposed himself to other women. Please!!!
> 
> On top of this I have caught him 4 times now on webcams showing himself to other women (not professional paid sites) but REAL girls. I checked out the site and these people on these sites are just like you and I just viewing other people from there home on webcam. I looked at his cellphone today and found that he was at least visiting a free webcam site. I have told him porn is one thing and I am ok with that but I am NOT ok we webcams. I have almost left him before b/c of this and the masturbating. I can't take it anymore!
> 
> P.S. we have tried a marriage counselor and that hasn't worked with him b/c HE didn't open up. He doesn't think he has a problem, denies masturbating and will deny the webcam. Please give me smeo advice. I am 32 years old and I am just so tired of thinking about this all the time.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

Unless he has been diagnosed by a professional, do not label him as an addict.

Please have a look at the links in my sig. There are sex addiction therapists who specialize in diagnosing and treating sex addictions.

Also please read my story. If you know about him acting out in these ways, there is probably a lot more you don't know about. He is CHEATING on you.

If he keeps it up, kick him out. Why should you leave? You've done nothing wrong. Kicking him out may finally be what he needs to seek help and fix himself.


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## Skate Daddy 9

I don’t have any answers for you but if you are having sex with him as much as you say he should not have any desire to jerk off. Have you asked him if there is something you and him can do with your sex to make it more satisfying to him? Is there some sick fantasy going on in his mind that he needs to play out?


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## Vizion

maybe try sex twice a night. I typically am ready for another in a hour or 2 after having sex with my wife but its usually late so I take care of things. this does sound pretty extreme with him. how old is he?


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## confusedbrun1

Vizion said:


> maybe try sex twice a night. I typically am ready for another in a hour or 2 after having sex with my wife but its usually late so I take care of things. this does sound pretty extreme with him. how old is he?


He is 32 I have tried looking at porn with him acting out fantasy dressing really sexy etc I also keep my body in shape for him by working out 5 days a week
I am at my wits end
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

> Once he is done with it...ok this is waaaaaay tmi.... he licks it!













whaaaaaaaaaaa...?


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## confusedbrun1

costa200 said:


> whaaaaaaaaaaa...?


 Yes I know that is really what he does. A few years ago I almost left him it wasn't just for that reason combined with the webcam and chatting with an ex girlfriend I had it. I had all my bags packed but stayed in the end.
I really truly do not know what to do and I don't want to vent to family or friends any longer. That's why I came here to help seek advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vizion

hopefully you can find answers here. I think he has to believe this is a problem. you could always try cutting him off. My thoughts are that Real sex and fantasy sex (with self) are diiferent in the sense that fantasy sex just feeds the "horny". real sex with my wife has far greater value (love/passion). to me the fantasy sex is more exciting more often than the real thing but the real thing can be just as exciting too. I can go for a period w/o masturbating if I have regular with the wife but if I am going for a period of masturbating and none from my wife I go nuts. also the frequency and the length of time you guys have been having sex is unusual and may have contributed to this?????


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## confusedbrun1

For u ladies would u leave your husband over this? Men how would u feel if u were catching your wife doing this? 
A huge part of me is scared of him physically and mentally
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

He's not stopping because there's no consequences to his behavior. Until the consequences outweigh whatever satisfaction/pleasure he gets from his actions, he won't stop. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub

You have a compound problem and it helps to break it into pieces.

Re the porn stuff - he is conditioned to want it and sex more frequently. I would not think this harmful unless it affects your sex life. He likely does not want you to do more than you are doing, and enjoys this aspect of his sex life.

Re the licking, sounds atypical and "gross" for many, but if you are ok with the porn stuff, this proclivity sounds innocuous.

You have to decide whether these things are ok with you or whether you are just saying they are and trying to convince yourself. If he wants to ejaculate 2x per night, and you do not want him masturbating, well there are 2 options - do it yourself or have him lie to you.

Re interacting with others. This is a fine line. Anonymous masturbation while watching others is in some ways like watching porn and other ways like having an affair. Some people are ok with this and others are not. You must decide whether you are ok with it.

In addressing whether you are ok with it, when discussing with him you must take it as a given that he is doing these things without listening to his justifications or denials. Make yourself clear - you know he is doing it and if you want him to stop tell him so.

If you are really scared physically or mentally, then your relationship is not healthy, and that must be addressed before sex. You cannot have a meaningful sexual relationship when you do not respect him and he does not respect you. (If you respected him, you would have nothing to fear, and if he respected you you would have nothing to fear.)


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## confusedbrun1

I love them but I just don't know if I can take it anymore. Is it right to leave your husband over these things when you have 3 kids together. What's right and what's wrong. I worry about starting all over and regretting my decision a long run. He has told me if I ever leave him he will tell the kids a bunch of bad things about me. I'm afraid of the kids would hate me for my decision. I'm just afraid
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

Right. Blackmail is a sure sign of a healthy marriage...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedbrun1

Yes I know it is not right. I guess I just really need to do some soul searches to figure things out. Thank u all for lending me your ears. Ill keep u all posted.
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## confusedbrun1

Searching
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Samcro

Can you talks to my wife about getting her libido up? Begging for it once a week is bad enough. Hehe

Was he always like this, or did it escalate into this? I think he has porn issue and something has to be done if you want to stay together, and with some boundaries. If you decide to move on don't give up and work on yourself.


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## confusedbrun1

Samcro said:


> Can you talks to my wife about getting her libido up? Begging for it once a week is bad enough. Hehe
> 
> Was he always like this, or did it escalate into this? I think he has porn issue and something has to be done if you want to stay together, and with some boundaries. If you decide to move on don't give up and work on yourself.


lol then he shouldn't complain right or have these issues. Don't hate on me for asking this but does anyone know of a free keylogger for a cell phone?
I have been going back and forth on what I should do you what would be best for myself in my kids. He's a good father and from the outside he looks like a really good husband and he can be but he just has a lot of jealousy and this webcam issue is just unforgivable at this point. I absolutely hate confrontation
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Samcro

What kind of cell phone? My 17 yr old is good with this stuff, I am to, but like kids should, he surpassed me. Damn kids making me feel old at 37. I will ask him for you.

If you need a key logger, what do you suspect?


I hate confrontation to, but that is one reason I am here replying to your thread, while sleeping on the couch. Hehe
I been dependent on pain meds for many years and finally am off of them and when I was on them I was emotionless and when a fight occurred I would just stare at the wall and not fight back for myself. I was wrong for doing it cause she wanted feedback and a conversation, even though arguing. Me placating her made it worse. Even though I was at fault for the fight and the cause of it and she had every right to be angry, she wanted the feedback from the argument, and I was wrong for not having a back and forth with her.


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## simple.man

please forgive me if im replying very late as i just read your post and want to reply it. i think me too addicted of this masturbating thing as your husband is. me too like to masturbate in washroom or after having sex with my wife. its nothing to do with satisfaction of real sex. i my particular case, i like to masturbate by thinking different fantasies like met some lady in market and having sex with her or doing sex with my sister in law etc.
i think u don't need to worry about it because i do love my wife and this masturbation thing is never taking me apart from my wife, its just like a hobby or some kind of playing with my toy.


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## PFTGuy

confusedbrun1 said:


> He is 32 I have tried looking at porn with him acting out fantasy dressing really sexy etc I also keep my body in shape for him by working out 5 days a week
> I am at my wits end
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If his behavior is a problem for you, and he refuses to change it, your only options I see are to accept it and continue your life with it as it is, leave, or ask him to leave. You will make yourself crazy trying to fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed....that's codependency. 

The encouraging things I can tell you are that his behavior has nothing to do with you...it's not a reflection on you, and you don't have to own it. You are not alone...a lot of people deal with partners with these types of difficulties...some of them are able to find workable solutions and save their relationships, while others heal and move on to new relationships. There is hope.

Good luck, and peace...


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## wiigirl

Hope1964 said:


> Unless he has been diagnosed by a professional, do not label him as an addict.
> 
> Please have a look at the links in my sig. There are sex addiction therapists who specialize in diagnosing and treating sex addictions.
> 
> Also please read my story. If you know about him acting out in these ways, there is probably a lot more you don't know about. He is CHEATING on you.
> 
> If he keeps it up, kick him out. Why should you leave? You've done nothing wrong. Kicking him out may finally be what he needs to seek help and fix himself.


:iagree:


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## confusedbrun1

So simple man u lick it to is that what u are saying? THATS my problem I find it disgusting. I also don't find it normal sure I touch myself but not beside my husband and I definitely don't put my fingers in mouth after
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovetopleasewife

I would consider the webcam incidents as a PA. I think it is cheating and I would not allow that to happen. I probably would not leave him over it, because people make mistakes. However, I would tell him if it happens again that you are gone.

As for the masturbation, that is something that is relatively normal for most guys and it is not something he is doing to replace you. I do think if the excessive masturbation is done with porn, then that can be an issue. I guess you would need to decide if that is acceptable for you. My wife and I don't allow any porn between us.

He likes to taste his load????? Weird, but no marital infidelity, just too each his own. At least he is recycling his protein.

You need to determine boundries, share them with him and start from a fresh beginning. Then apply consequences to those boundries if they are broken.


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## In_The_Wind

confusedbrun1 said:


> Ok, just a bit of info on us first. been married to my dh for 10 yrs together for 13. We have 3 kids he's in the military and I am a nurse. TMI..We have a very active sex life meaning, we have sex every night and have been like this since we first started dating. With that said, my dh is addicted to masturbating. I know we all do it but to have sex with your wife every night and on top of it wake up in the middle of the night and masturbate. I do not understand his need to do this. I HAVE confronted him but he denies it stating he must be doing it in his sleep.
> 
> So not true! I can tell he is FULLY awake and as soon as he hears me wake up stops, and then waits for me to fall back to sleep all the while he goes back to pretending to be asleep. I have caught him on his cellphone viewing porn. Once he is done with it...ok this is waaaaaay tmi.... he licks it! I am so grossed out with him. He has been doing this for a few years now and it shows no signs of stopping.
> 
> On top of this I have caught him 4 times now on webcams showing himself to other women (not professional paid sites) but REAL girls. I checked out the site and these people on these sites are just like you and I just viewing other people from there home on webcam. I looked at his cellphone today and found that he was at least visiting a free webcam site. I have told him porn is one thing and I am ok with that but I am NOT ok we webcams. I have almost left him before b/c of this and the masturbating. I can't take it anymore!
> 
> P.S. we have tried a marriage counselor and that hasn't worked with him b/c HE didn't open up. He doesn't think he has a problem, denies masturbating and will deny the webcam. Please give me smeo advice. I am 32 years old and I am just so tired of thinking about this all the time.


Next time you catch him Tell him to drop the [email protected] !!!


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## forevermemorable

Okay, I saw that this thread was started in July and I was not going to reply, but since the thread poster has posted something recently, I will chime in. I have read all the posts.

I have been married 11 years with 3 kids...first and only marriage. My wife and I have sex every 3-4 days. I wish it was every day, because my appetite for sex is every 1-2 days.

So if you guys are having sex every day (very rare... statistically speaking). And on top of that, your husband is masturbating every day, your husband is addicted to pleasure. Unlike what others have said, I would label your husband as having an addiction. Am I the only one that thinks this behavior of husband is excessive? Not only that, but his behavior is ruining his marriage and the husband is taking his marriage for granted. Shame on him to think that he can mess around with porn, flirting online, sharing naked photos, etc. and not be addicted to licentiousness. Your husband has no respect for intimacy.

Your husband is an addict! There is NO other way to look at it or see it and he needs help. He is consumed by his addiction. Everything you have described, describes someone who is OCD. Your husband HAS to get off. Anything in excessive is bad news. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if your husband has open up something like pandora's box into the depths of his soul. The porn industry can have a hold on someone in a way that is not healthy. Porn entraps, entangles, and ensnares a person, destroying the very character of that person. I wouldn't be surprised if when you married, your husband was already addicted to porn...he just brought it with him into the marriage. And in fact, I would venture to say that he probably thought that marriage was going to cure his addiction...WRONG!

Unlike other poster's comments, I don't think you should come down to your husband's level at all. It is your husband that needs to come up to your level of expectations. Your expectations are not wrong and not to demanding. Your husband needs to stop viewing porn, stop the online flirting, stop anything that has to do with degrading you and making your feel unimportant and unloved. That is really what is happening. Your husband is making you feel unspecial, unloved, unwanted, and used. My heart feels bad for you. I am sorry that you cannot experience what a marriage should be about, how a husband out to treat you...to cherish you, respect you, value you, pour forth his love into you by expression and action.

Your husband needs help! He needs to see a counselor or pastor. He has no business doing what he has been doing. Its not right. Excessive masturbation is unhealthy and wrong in a marriage. If you are giving your husband sex every day, his needs are way more than being met...by far. Dear wife, you are NOT the problem...it is your husband who is clearly and undoubtedly the issue.


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## Michael A. Brown

Convince him to go on a therapist. This will greatly help him to stop such addiction.


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## Pault

Lets break this down.

Have you tried when you find him masterbating in the middle of the night taking the initative to take over? He cannot hide an erection that easily and it will then show a "caught you" effect. He actually might like the fact hes been caught. This may be his turn on. 

Using webcams to masterbate to is IMO cheating. Hes using another female for his sexual satisfaction despite you being there for him.

the recycling of protein we'll leave at this stage surfice to say. Its not my tipple.

He clearly knows this upsets you and you have discussed this to the point where bags were packed. It might be the shock treatment is needed adn walking through the door is the result.

He could be cheating but with such an open desire to masterbate even after sex with you would be be able to satisfiy 2 women and his nightly desire? Only you can gaugge that one.

he may as suggested have a sexual fantasy that he feels he cannot discuss with you as he feels it may be one step to far .. so he satisfies himself with that thought. Only open and frank dialogue will determine that.

How would he feel to find you in the same scenario(s)? have you fired that at him, especially the webcamming - that might hit home a little? yes a good idea to keylog and start to monitor cell use as well. That must be descreate or him may "go underground" and any issue of cheating will be hidden.


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## MSC71

He won't stop because he can't. On top of that he knows you won't leave so he has no desire to try. I imagine when you threaten to leave he will promise to change and not do it. A few days later things will be back like they were before.


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## CallaLily

IMO it goes beyond an actual masterbation issue. 

Also in order for him to get help, you can't be ok with porn and not webcam girls etc. Doesn't matter if "porn" isn't live girls, actually webcam girls are a type of porn. In order for him to be helped he will need to stop ALL things involved with that. Its kind of like telling an alcoholic, I don't mind that you drink beer but you can't drink the hard stuff. Guess what, he would still be drinking period! And some people with addictions (any kind) they sometimes see it that way as well. 

You need to seek out a specialist in your area one that deals with sexual addictions. A regular counselor isn't going to really be of much help. Talk with the specialist and tell then what you have said here and go from there.


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## newranger

confusedbrun1 said:


> Ok, just a bit of info on us first. been married to my dh for 10 yrs together for 13. We have 3 kids he's in the military and I am a nurse. TMI..We have a very active sex life meaning, we have sex every night and have been like this since we first started dating. With that said, my dh is addicted to masturbating. I know we all do it but to have sex with your wife every night and on top of it wake up in the middle of the night and masturbate. I do not understand his need to do this. I HAVE confronted him but he denies it stating he must be doing it in his sleep.
> 
> So not true! I can tell he is FULLY awake and as soon as he hears me wake up stops, and then waits for me to fall back to sleep all the while he goes back to pretending to be asleep. I have caught him on his cellphone viewing porn. Once he is done with it...ok this is waaaaaay tmi.... he licks it! I am so grossed out with him. He has been doing this for a few years now and it shows no signs of stopping.
> 
> On top of this I have caught him 4 times now on webcams showing himself to other women (not professional paid sites) but REAL girls. I checked out the site and these people on these sites are just like you and I just viewing other people from there home on webcam. I looked at his cellphone today and found that he was at least visiting a free webcam site. I have told him porn is one thing and I am ok with that but I am NOT ok we webcams. I have almost left him before b/c of this and the masturbating. I can't take it anymore!
> 
> P.S. we have tried a marriage counselor and that hasn't worked with him b/c HE didn't open up. He doesn't think he has a problem, denies masturbating and will deny the webcam. Please give me smeo advice. I am 32 years old and I am just so tired of thinking about this all the time.


Hello, 
I think he has porn addiction. That web-cam stuff is really sick and you must be feeling betrayed by him 

Masturbation and porn are like two sides of a coin. One doesn't exist without the other.

I had porn problem as well, Even though I restricted watching porn after marriage. Once I was caught red handed by my wife. She felt betrayed, hurt and cheated by me  I felt miserable and promised no porn any more. I felt this is a mistake. This is my serious problem.

I do get carving for porn some times. Its really a struggle and hard thing to do stay away for me. Porn is a complicated addiction. Experts say it is easy to quit heroin than porn. There is no such thing as porn user; Almost all porn users are addict. 

This might help Porn Addiction | Stop the porn addiction | Curethecraving.com


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## Khaleesi

Sorry that this is a such a problem for you. But is it REALLY a problem with his masturbating, or porn and webcams, or BOTH? I'm not sure what u do in this situation but if it is a problem for you, then it should be a problem for HIM! I'd try withholding sex until he seeks counseling... Sex in marriage is beautiful, but if he's doing something to turn you off from such a privilege as making love, then he's not invested in your happiness. Tell him that. Good luck.


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## kratzert88

look as a guy all i can say is this is normal for a lot of men after sex if we dont fall asleep and she does we work like machines its not us that thing has a mind of its own sometimes so im not sticking up for him just saying its just a guy thing we always want sex weather our wife is awake or not what would you rather have masterbation or cheating ill take masterbation any day good luck


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## ShadowOfDreams22

I too have a husband like this. he doesn't lick it but he masturbate to the wed cam models and only does it when I am not around or in bed. Before we married and had kids if I was sleeping next to him and he wanted it he used to wake me up for it. I have tried asking him now what is stopping him. His excuse for not having sex is he is tired from working all the time. if that's the case how come he can stay up late and masturbate?

I know I am not much help but I want to let you know your not alone. It actually makes me feel a little better knowing I am not alone too.


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## Ignis

Why are you ok with porn but not ok with webcams? Just not logical to me...it is same thing - in both cases, you are cheated, show-girls are used and he is self-destructed.

You two need a serious talk. You must know that addiction is something what you (and he) can not control - it is overpowering force - it needs to be treated properly. 

But first, he must admit that he can't control his behaviour. It will help him if you give him ultimate and seriously tell him, you will leave if he doesn't change. You deserve all of his attention!!


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## HappyHubby

forevermemorable said:


> Okay, I saw that this thread was started in July and I was not going to reply, but since the thread poster has posted something recently, I will chime in. I have read all the posts.
> 
> I have been married 11 years with 3 kids...first and only marriage. My wife and I have sex every 3-4 days. I wish it was every day, because my appetite for sex is every 1-2 days.
> 
> So if you guys are having sex every day (very rare... statistically speaking). And on top of that, your husband is masturbating every day, your husband is addicted to pleasure. Unlike what others have said, I would label your husband as having an addiction. Am I the only one that thinks this behavior of husband is excessive? Not only that, but his behavior is ruining his marriage and the husband is taking his marriage for granted. Shame on him to think that he can mess around with porn, flirting online, sharing naked photos, etc. and not be addicted to licentiousness. Your husband has no respect for intimacy.
> 
> Your husband is an addict! There is NO other way to look at it or see it and he needs help. He is consumed by his addiction. Everything you have described, describes someone who is OCD. Your husband HAS to get off. Anything in excessive is bad news. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if your husband has open up something like pandora's box into the depths of his soul. The porn industry can have a hold on someone in a way that is not healthy. Porn entraps, entangles, and ensnares a person, destroying the very character of that person. I wouldn't be surprised if when you married, your husband was already addicted to porn...he just brought it with him into the marriage. And in fact, I would venture to say that he probably thought that marriage was going to cure his addiction...WRONG!
> 
> Unlike other poster's comments, I don't think you should come down to your husband's level at all. It is your husband that needs to come up to your level of expectations. Your expectations are not wrong and not to demanding. Your husband needs to stop viewing porn, stop the online flirting, stop anything that has to do with degrading you and making your feel unimportant and unloved. That is really what is happening. Your husband is making you feel unspecial, unloved, unwanted, and used. My heart feels bad for you. I am sorry that you cannot experience what a marriage should be about, how a husband out to treat you...to cherish you, respect you, value you, pour forth his love into you by expression and action.
> 
> Your husband needs help! He needs to see a counselor or pastor. He has no business doing what he has been doing. Its not right. Excessive masturbation is unhealthy and wrong in a marriage. If you are giving your husband sex every day, his needs are way more than being met...by far. Dear wife, you are NOT the problem...it is your husband who is clearly and undoubtedly the issue.


Much of what she says here is true. Coming from someone that starting viewing porn at a very young age (13-14), I know what hold it can have on you. I still struggle from time to time with the urge to view it. Sometimes, when I am having regular sex with my wife, my urge pulls me more in the direction of the wierd and always changing world of porn. You can have any girl you want doing any act at any time.. you can have sex with dozens of girls in one session with porn... Its a hyper-stimulant and wreaks havoc on your mind.

I would avoid the urge to take it personally like forevermemorable is suggesting. By the way she is speaking she is not talking from a point of view of trying to understand but rather to condemn..I dont think you should. Dont be hurt. Understand. This has nothing to do with you. Attack him and he will put up walls. He must feel safe in telling you without worrying about judgement. You act all grossed out with him eating his own load then he will not share anything with you. 

He is not your enemy and deep down inside I bet he wishes he had control.. its his shame that prevents him from opening up. He has masturbated and looked at porn for his whole life and has hidden it from everyone.. its a cycle that is decades into the making and very hard to break.

I have recognized this within myself, identified it as an issue and am working on it on my own without my wife's knowledge. She knows I watch it from time to time but I am very sexual with her and do not do it beside her so she doesn't see any issue.

As for the eating his own semen thing I absolutely understand where it comes from. He has gotten there from an obsession with always pushing the boundaries of his addiction. He seeks novelty and the risque so whenever he gets used to a certain type of porn or sexual adventure he has an insatiable urge to try something more daring and taboo...

There is a video I saw on youtube broken up into many parts that goes into the brain chemistry and why porn addiction is so powerful. I will post a link to first video in a moment.


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## HappyHubby

Your brain on porn: porn addiction (part 1)
Your Brain On Porn: Porn Addiction (Part 1) - YouTube


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## HappyHubby

All these people telling you to just stand up for yourself and tell him to stop because its wrong are ignorant. They most likely have a different brain chemistry (female) and therefore do not truly understand the embedded impulses that exist within the male brain that over time can lead to a strong porn addiction. He needs help and needs to admit there is an addiction issue first. 

I think you need to point him to some resources ... he wont want to admit it to you first. I doubt. Give him stuff to explore on his own and let him know that you love him and support him and are not judging him but want him not to close off a part of himself to you. You can tell him how it makes you feel that he has to hide this from you.

You say you play with yourself but dont put your fingers in your mouth after? Well neither does my wife but after I eat her out she gets super turned on when I kiss her.. which is the same idea. Does this make her weird? We are all weird. Weird is normal. Dont judge people. I tasted my own stuff when I was younger. Did it a few times and the urge disappeared. No biggie.


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## HappyHubby

ShadowOfDreams22 said:


> I too have a husband like this. he doesn't lick it but he masturbate to the wed cam models and only does it when I am not around or in bed. Before we married and had kids if I was sleeping next to him and he wanted it he used to wake me up for it. I have tried asking him now what is stopping him. His excuse for not having sex is he is tired from working all the time. if that's the case how come he can stay up late and masturbate?
> 
> I know I am not much help but I want to let you know your not alone. It actually makes me feel a little better knowing I am not alone too.


Ive done this sometimes. Part of the reason is that he might not want to be rejected. IF my wife is sleeping its very iffy that I can get her awake and aroused. Once I put in the effort I must have it. I actually get quite angry when she says no after I put in effort. LOL. 

Porn will never reject and it also doesnt take any energy. If your hubby is tired, porn is much more relaxing. sex for men usually involves alot of calorie burning. I do almost all the work... 

Try initiating before going to sleep... Is it only him that initiates?


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## ShadowOfDreams22

HappyHubby said:


> Ive done this sometimes. Part of the reason is that he might not want to be rejected. IF my wife is sleeping its very iffy that I can get her awake and aroused. Once I put in the effort I must have it. I actually get quite angry when she says no after I put in effort. LOL.
> 
> Porn will never reject and it also doesnt take any energy. If your hubby is tired, porn is much more relaxing. sex for men usually involves alot of calorie burning. I do almost all the work...
> 
> Try initiating before going to sleep... Is it only him that initiates?


That's the down side I have initiated before going to bed trying to get him to come to bed with me. I have walked out stark naked once to get his attention he says "I'm tired" or "You have bad timing." I have tried getting him to let me watch it with him... he never tells me he is going to watch it. As I said the thing that bother's me the most about it is his masturbating to it. I fear he may even show himself to the girls he watches. I don't doubt he loves me but it hurts me to think he could possibly imagine one of those women when he is with me. He constantly says things comparing me to other women and he says that its jokingly but then when he watches the porn and I find out he is masturbating to it I wonder if he really means what he says. I have tried telling him how I feel but he only says my thoughts are ridiculous and that I need to stop being so negative. I don't consider myself a high sex drive but I do like to have it. He seems he never wants to... but that's just rolls back to the cam and masturbation, if he is too tired to have sex how does he have the energy to stay up anywhere from 1-3 hours watching the cams and masturbating? Maybe I am just over thinking this. Or maybe I am noticing something and just can't resolve it? I just know that getting him to talk to me is near impossible.


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## HappyHubby

Shadow, this is a tough one for me to answer because the porn and masturbation addiction is where our similarities end. 

It's true that I have also rejected my wife to then watch porn. (our brains our seeking novelty. Wives aren't new) But I recognized this as a problem and rarely do this now. I make it a point to jump at every opportunity to have sex with my wife. I think I've gotten kinkier with her over the years. Sometimes all I wanna do is eat her out. Ill make her finish a few times doing this even when she begs me no more lol. Then when having sex, I try to think about other things to prolong intercourse so she has multliple.

Anyyywaayy.. the point is, he has to want to please and satisfy you. I take it very personally and put great responsibility on myself to make my wife orgasm as many times as possible each and every time and to make sure she is satisfied with frequency too. Being a great lover is part of my ego. It's something I take pride in. I won't let porn ruin my real sex life.

So with all that said, I just came to a suggestion which may help. You should mess with him in a playful but derogatory way. (IF he can take it). Tell him you are not sexually satisfied and he's failing as a man. (remember: tongue in cheek) . Joke that if you don't get it at home you'll have to find some hard c-ck elsewhere... he wont take it that well.. smile at him and say.. well big boy, what are you gonna do about? You gonna man up and f-ck me or do I have to find a real man to do it for you? LOL. You can smile at him and get naked. this would make me laugh and angry at the same time. I would then get very forceful and show her what I can do. lol. do you have this kind of relationship?


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## HappyHubby

IF this works, GREAT but still you should have an honest conversation with him to tell him what your needs are and that he is trading in a real breathing woman for pictures, movies and fantasy... 

Also, if you don't have sex for awhile he will start to crave the real thing again as it becomes more exciting to have what you aren't getting and haven't experienced in awhile.


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## Ignis

HappyHubby said:


> All these people telling you to just stand up for yourself and tell him to stop because its wrong are ignorant. They most likely have a different brain chemistry (female) and therefore do not truly understand the embedded impulses that exist within the male brain that over time can lead to a strong porn addiction. He needs help and needs to admit there is an addiction issue first.


I agree, finally he has to recognize and admit he doesn't have power over sexual addiction - and this is the first step. You can not make this step for him!


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## ShadowOfDreams22

Thanks you guys... I might have to try that... I just don't know what else to do. I laid it on the line that it hurts me cause it makes me feel like I am not what he want's. of course this just turned into a big argument and when I asked if my feelings matter he of course retaliates with his feelings don't either cause i want to talk about it and he don't. I will keep you guys posted as to how things are going I just hope they get better.


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## cannotchangethepast

To confusedbrun1 and any others still looking for answers, I would like to give you some advice from a now sober masturbation and porn addict. The men you describe in these posts are pretty much all sex addicts in one way or the other. Your men have to be willing to stop on their own. You can lead the horse to the water, but you cannot make the horse drink it.
I came across a great free book after I had already stopped my addictions. "The Most Personal Addiction" by Joe Zychik. I found out from this book that there are three natural addictions, which are work, food, and sex. I hope this helps and I wish all of you the best of luck.


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## totamm

confusedbrun1 said:


> I have caught him on his cellphone viewing porn. Once he is done with it...ok this is waaaaaay tmi.... he licks it!


He licks his phone?

Now I've heard everything.


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## southern wife

The OP is long gone.


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## themagicalbeing2013

I am new around here.. It is very educational to read some of these posts.. I guess we all have problems..


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## MattMatt

I feel so sorry for his wife and his poor phone. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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