# Is it ok for hubby to go to strip club?



## mimismum (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi All,
I'm new here and this is my first post. I'm just looking for some advice here before I think of next steps in my marriage.

I was going through our finances yesterday and saw an entry close to $300. I asked my husband and he said he went out with his friends to a local bar. I felt the tab was pretty high and on further research I found out that it was spent at a local strip club when I was out of town 2 weeks back. I confronted my husband this morning again and he said they were just drinking and didnt do anything (no dances nothing). As much as I want to trust him I hate the fact that he didnt even mention this to me till now. Maybe I wouldnt have been so mad if he had asked or informed before. To make things worse he said he didnt see anything wrong with what he did.

Maybe I am over-reacting? Thoughts please.

A little about myself:
I've been married for 8 years now and I definitely would not describe our marriage as one made in heaven. The only good thing out of this marriage is my 2.5 year old princess!!


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I don't have a problem with my husband going to the strip club...but I think where he messed up is not mentioning it before or after (like hey babe - went out with the guys tonight and ended up at the strip club...kind of thing) that way it wouldn't of felt like he was hiding it. Just explain you would rather find out from him (not after having to investigate) that he went and that's what bothered you - not the actual strip club visit itself.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What are you doing to be the wife he can't wait to get home to? As long as YOU are the person meeting all his needs, you aren't making him unhappy, I wouldn't worry about going to strip clubs. But you say the marriage hasn't been great, so I'm asking what YOU are doing to MAKE it great. You can't control him, only yourself - so improve YOUR 50%.

The fact that he didn't tell you indicates that he possibly is afraid of your reaction. We lie to protect ourselves, to avoid unpleasantness. On the other hand, he may simply be so easy going that it never honestly occurred to him that it would matter. Only you know him well enough to guess.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

$300 is a lot of dances lol. If $300 was just his tab, I'm pretty sure that involved something extra in the VIP room if it was a sleazy club. (some are, some aren't) If $300 was all three of them together, it's a bunch of drinks and about three dances each.

I think you need a better talk about things together. Time to get to the bottom of what the issues are in your marriage that you both need to work on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

$300 doesn't go far in a decent strip club. Drinks will be at least $10 each, two or three times that for brand name liquor, and the waitresses are expert at getting you to buy _them_ a drink, or a bottle. You're at $100-$200 just for that. My H's friend will spend a couple thousand dollars a night, just for himself.

You do need to work on the marriage, though.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

turnera said:


> $300 doesn't go far in a decent strip club. Drinks will be at least $10 each, two or three times that for brand name liquor, and the waitresses are expert at getting you to buy _them_ a drink, or a bottle. You're at $100-$200 just for that. My H's friend will spend a couple thousand dollars a night, just for himself.
> 
> You do need to work on the marriage, though.


Times are hard for CT strip clubs then. Some of the top ones are letting you bring your our booze now. Lapdances are $20-$30. Clubs across the border in Rhode Island are advertising $10 dances.


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## Big Bear (Feb 11, 2010)

If I went to a strip club my wife would be ok because she trusts me. If I spent $300 at Cabelas without telling her she would have my fingernails pulled off. What caught my eye was when you said "The only good thing out of this marriage is my 2.5 year old princess!!" I love my kids more than life itself, but my marriage has yielded so much in addition to them!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Actually calling the kid "princess" sends a red flag up for me. Sort of makes me think the kid gets attention and the husband doesn't.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Actually calling the kid "princess" sends a red flag up for me. Sort of makes me think the kid gets attention and the husband doesn't.


 OH, me too! I forgot to talk about that. 

Tell us what your marriage is really like. I really hope you haven't completely immersed yourself in your child's life and ignored your husband. That is NOT right, or fair. And it's a surefire way to get your husband to cheat on you. Or lie about strip clubs.


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## mimismum (Feb 10, 2010)

I guess you all do have a valid point - I think I dont pay much attention to H because of all the resentment and anger. I read quite a few threads last night and I can say that I have some clarity now. I am going to try and make some changes at my end and see if things improve.
Thanks to you all for the good advice


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Funny topic! I can tell you right now my wife would much rather like me to have some friendly conversation with a coworker or the occasional flirty comments then ever go to strip club.


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

i think that $300 in 1 single transaction is a heck of a lot of money to pay for a round of drinks and nothing else. I know someone who ownes a strip club + extras and he agrees with me.

I think you need to talk to your hubby not only about this but about your entire relationship, marriage can be hard when kids are in the mix nd can sometimes unexpectadly take a back seat , my view is if that happens how will you cope when kids move out of home and its just the 2 of u?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

mimismum said:


> I guess you all do have a valid point - I think I dont pay much attention to H because of all the resentment and anger. I read quite a few threads last night and I can say that I have some clarity now. I am going to try and make some changes at my end and see if things improve.
> Thanks to you all for the good advice


 Good news! Do you know what his Emotional Needs are? The things that make him the happiest? Ask him. They are typically things like doing fun things with him (recreation), you looking great, admiring him, and bedroom time of course. If you can find his key ENs, and make sure you're always the one meeting them, you should notice a big difference.


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## BellaOnlineMarriageEditor (Feb 12, 2010)

turnera said:


> Good news! Do you know what his Emotional Needs are? The things that make him the happiest? Ask him. They are typically things like doing fun things with him (recreation), you looking great, admiring him, and bedroom time of course. If you can find his key ENs, and make sure you're always the one meeting them, you should notice a big difference.


Great advice. Be the woman he wants to come home to. And let go of this strip club incident if it's the first time.


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