# Please Dont Judge me...Need Advice



## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Hello to all,

I was away from this forum for a few months because I thought the ex and I were doing good. Well as it turns out, I am more heartbroken than ever. There are no children and no marriage involved.

Short Story:
We started going out in 2010, he seemed perfect, we even moved in together and he was very open and honest until Sept 2012. I broke up with him in September because he told me that he wanted to try things with his ex. I left the apartment and about a week after, he comes crying to me that he made a big mistake. The worst part was that he left out that during that week that he was trying to contact her, she didnt want to pick up the phone on him, which influenced him to beg for forgiveness.

I took him back oblivious to the fact that he couldn't get in contact with her during that week we broke up.

February:

Back to yesterday, I went on his Sprint Bill and found out that he had been trying to contact her. At first he denied it, but then he told me that he did. I immediately packed up my stuff to leave, but I didn't want to leave without knowing why he kept me there as a backup, and this is what he said:

"Everything was a lie, I never loved you because I always have her in the back of my mind. This relationship was perfect and it brought me happiness but you could be the best woman in the world and if you're not the one I want, it doesn't work. At least you found out now instead of a few months or years later when you came home and found all of my stuff gone. Now can you please get out of the house so that I can go and talk to her and take her out on a date cuz I believe that I still have a chance with her".

OMG!!! I was so heartbroken. I was there for him when he was job searching, when he bought his new car, I helped him with his school work, I cooked and cleaned for him, never lied to him and was completely loyal. 

Now I'm at my mothers searching for a place to live while he's out there being all happy because he finally is with the person "he loves". I need advice because I feel like I'm going crazy. Please help.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

I would have kicked him out. He chose to stray. Not you. Why does he get the house?


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

It's been said by many others before but seeing as I wandered in first.

He is showing you the real him. Be happy there is nothing more than your emotions to be trampled by his selfishness and arrogance. Is it any wonder she wouldn't pick up to him in that week? What an ass. He would have strung you along for ever if you hadn't caught him.

He has shown you his true self. Believe it and stop believing in the false version you fell for.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Wow, what a jerk.

What advice do you need? If you still have feelings for him, those will subside and anger may come. Make sure you get all of your property ASAP. I agree that he should be the one to move out, not you.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> I would have kicked him out. He chose to stray. Not you. Why does he get the house?


The apartment was in both of our names and he didnt want to leave. I couldn't stay there living with him while he went out and had a great time. The lease would of been up in a few months so I don't really care, at least I wouldnt be there drowning with everything reminding me of him.



K.C. said:


> It's been said by many others before but seeing as I wandered in first.
> 
> He is showing you the real him. Be happy there is nothing more than your emotions to be trampled by his selfishness and arrogance. Is it any wonder she wouldn't pick up to him in that week? What an ass. He would have strung you along for ever if you hadn't caught him.
> 
> He has shown you his true self. Believe it and stop believing in the false version you fell for.


Yeah, it just hurts so much is even hard for me to function correctly right now. I believed this guy's lies for almost 3 years and I'm still shocked that he told me all of those hurtful things. I really thought he loved me as he was always looking out for me and telling me he loved me. Is so hard.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

I am just so mad that the OW is all happy with him now. Now he gets to be with the one he "loves"....and what about me? All of that time wasted and energy wasted for me to end up alone and miserable in the end. 

I need advice on what to do with myself. I feel lost....how did you guys get over an ex?


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I wonder why you think "you" would be judged btw?


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

dont look at it as "wasted time and energy". look at it as a learning experience, as are all experiences in life, one way or another.
find things YOU like to do, and go do them. dont let him figure into that equation.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

K.C. said:


> I wonder why you think "you" would be judged btw?


because when I was in this forum back in September, many people told me or adviced me that I shouldn't go back to him. When I did, many told me that it wasn't going to work and here I am because it didn't work. I didn't listen to those wiser than I.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

What was his childhood like?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

For some reason I cannot see it as a learning experience. It was a waste, I could of been better off now, I felt so restricted in that relationship. I could of had children and have been married to possibly a good man. He wasted my time and I hate him for that. I'm sorry, is that I'm so angry.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

msgarcia000 said:


> For some reason I cannot see it as a learning experience. It was a waste, I could of been better off now, I felt so restricted in that relationship. I could of had children and have been married to possibly a good man. He wasted my time and I hate him for that. I'm sorry, is that I'm so angry.


How old are you?


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I'm the same for resisting advice. Make sure you see him for what he is now though. Its right there to see and you deserve better than being a backup.

Look after yourself, do things you want to and try to keep busy rather than 'moping'.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Conrad said:


> What was his childhood like?


According to him, 

He hates his dad for something so stupid. His father is permanently in a wheel chair because he got some disease when he was younger. Somehow, my ex hates his dad for that, which is ridiculous because it wasnt even his fault. Other than that, he gets along with the rest of his family. From what I heard, he had an ok childhood.

But I dont think it has anything to do with that, he's just so cold hearted. What man says that a woman should of known that he was gonna lie to her and cheat on her?...I mean, only him I guess.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

but, you didnt have children WITH HIM. which is likely very fortunate.
now you know what to look for in a partner. and what to avoid.
learning experience. dont forget it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

msgarcia000 said:


> According to him,
> 
> He hates his dad for something so stupid. His father is permanently in a wheel chair because he got some disease when he was younger. Somehow, my ex hates his dad for that, which is ridiculous because it wasnt even his fault. Other than that, he gets along with the rest of his family. From what I heard, he had an ok childhood.
> 
> But I dont think it has anything to do with that, he's just so cold hearted. What man says that a woman should of known that he was gonna lie to her and cheat on her?...I mean, only him I guess.


When you settle down some, I'll explain it to you.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Conrad said:


> How old are you?


I am 24 years old. I'm very young to be going through all of this. I felt like I've lived a life of a 50 year old.



K.C. said:


> I'm the same for resisting advice. Make sure you see him for what he is now though. Its right there to see and you deserve better than being a backup.
> 
> Look after yourself, do things you want to and try to keep busy rather than 'moping'.


I do see him now as a lying, cheating *******. But the fact that he's all happy with his ex is killing me. I'm trying to do things and I'm drowning myself in work but every other minute, there goes that stupid f****ng guy in my head again....


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

make yourself happy. who cares if he's happy?
that no longer concerns you.
the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can get yourself back on track.
tough words but its true.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

naga75 said:


> but, you didnt have children WITH HIM. which is likely very fortunate.
> now you know what to look for in a partner. and what to avoid.
> learning experience. dont forget it.


That's what's keeping me sane right now. That I didn't have children with him. The thing is that I always knew what I wanted in a partner and I could of sworn it was him. He was great until this ex issue happened. I am hurting so much for believing his lies.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

yes it hurts when those we love lie to us.
there is no denying that.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Ex like in Ex wife ? If so were you the Other women ?

Or is this just Ex girlfriend ?

Regardless thank god your 24 and not 50.. Because when your 45 and you go through this stuff you will feel like your dead.

It is a shame that people just cling onto others until the next thing comes along. That they are not man / women or adult enough to just let go of that other person and just be civil and fair to that other person. Its like your a piece of sh1t and they can afford to waste your life as they look for something better.

Again your young and these are good but painful life lessons to learn now and not when you have 2 or 3 kids and married 20 years..


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Hardtohandle said:


> Ex like in Ex wife ? If so were you the Other women ?
> 
> Or is this just Ex girlfriend ?
> 
> ...


They had an on off relationship before we got together. They had broken up and months later we started dating. I was the first woman he had ever moved in with and the first woman he had more than 2 years without it being on and off. I was not the other woman, but in his heart I guess I was since he told me that he always loved her.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

naga75 said:


> yes it hurts when those we love lie to us.
> there is no denying that.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

So he knew he didn't love you, but it made *him* happy so he stayed in the relationship even though he loved someone else? What a complete jerk! You should thank him because now you don't have to waste anymore of your life with this completely self centered useless excuse for a human being.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> So he knew he didn't love you, but it made *him* happy so he stayed in the relationship even though he loved someone else? What a complete jerk! You should thank him because now you don't have to waste anymore of your life with this completely self centered useless excuse for a human being.


Basically yes. He stayed because I was good to him and because he would hate to regret losing me for something that he desires. So he was afraid of being with her and that not working out and losing me at the same time. Now that she gave him a chance, he threw me away like garbage. What a douche!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

A.) You're VERY young; lots of years left for the right man and kids.

B.) They're not THAT effin' happy! Remember, ALL the crap that broke them up the first time...is still crap! Neither of them fixed themselves. The stuff that took 2 years to piss them off about each other LAST TIME will now take about 2 months to piss them off THIS TIME. 

It won't last! She'll kick his butt out again in LESS THAN 6 months. He'll probably try to contact you. When he calls say, "Who? Oh! Go screw off, LIAR!" Then hang up...you'll feel MUCH better!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> I am just so mad that the OW is all happy with him now. Now he gets to be with the one he "loves"....and what about me? All of that time wasted and energy wasted for me to end up alone and miserable in the end.
> 
> I need advice on what to do with myself. I feel lost....how did you guys get over an ex?


They won't be happy long. He's an ass and that means he'll never truly be happy. They broke up before, probably because he was an ass, and he's still an ass, so they'll break up again. Even if they don't, they still won't be happy, not when at least one of them is an ass.

You just get busy living your life. Find that apartment, try a few different new hobbies, go dancing with your girlfriends, make some new friends, take a trip, have fun. You are young and have a lot of life and living ahead of you! It will be so much more exciting and happy and fulfilling than being dragged down by an ass.

If you're inclined, try some volunteer work like cleaning up the beach or building a playground or volunteering at a pet shelter. I've found that when I feel like crap, doing something for others makes me feel good about myself and takes me out of my head. It's like a breath of fresh air.


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