# Some Ways to Cope With Depression in Marriage



## Vrs (Jan 23, 2013)

For many depression is a way of life. They've been depressed so long it's all they know. Especially women. One reason I'm saying that is to agree with others in this part of the forum who say that depression is no excuse for adultery. Many, many people experience depression and don't have an affair, so there's more going on than just that.

Depression comes from a belief there is no hope for a solution to problems. It's easy to understand a person being depressed if they feel they're in a bad situation with no way out. People can get depressed over their job, their money situation, their relationships, not having goals realized, etc., etc. And many have been depressed for so long they _don't even know_ they are depressed. That's what I mean by a way of life.

Lifelong depression begins in childhood, once a child believes no matter what they do they'll never be good enough or perform well enough to please their parents - he or she can feel *hopeless*. If it goes on with no end in sight they give up and begin believing they'll never get what they want - which, even if they don't know it - is love. Someone once said "children need love like roses need rain". I say marriages do too.

One good way to help alleviate being depressed in marriage is to learn about (and accept), the differences between you and your spouse. Something that comes as a shock to a lot of couples is how different they are from each other in the way they think, the things they like and don't like, the way they feel things should be done or how they should be, how to celebrate holidays ... or even how a roll of toilet paper is supposed to be mounted!

There are a lot of ways to learn about differences. And once you do a lot of things that perplex you now will begin to make more sense. 

One example is the differences between men and women. A woman once wrote a book that sold a ton of copies called "What Men Know About Women". It was about 200 pages and the pages in the book were all blank. Guess who bought the book? Yup. Women. Then there was some guy named John Gray who wrote a book you may have heard of entitled "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus". Why did it sell so well? People intuitively related. We all know there are major differences. 

Knowing that, we can help our relationships a great deal just learning about these *natural* differences. We can come to understand "my way or your way" isn't necessarily better. It's just _different_. And something every couple experiences. Maturity is how we choose to deal with it. How we deal with it determines how it's going to affect the marriage. And guess what? ... _How we deal with it is up to us_. That's good news.

Another difference we can learn about is personalities. Here's a free test you and your spouse can take online: Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory. It'll reveal a lot about you and your spouse, and it can also help you learn how to accommodate each others differences. If the two of you are at all committed to the relationship it'll go a long way towards understanding each other and learning to communicate and compromise on your differences. One of the biggest lessons my wife and I needed to learn was to give each other space and quit trying to change each other. It's amazing how much our marriage improved after we learned that!

Good luck in your marriage and God bless. Stay committed and don't give up. The rewards are worth it.


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