# Nice guy with edge in 40s?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

If I understand correctly, a lot of women are not attracted to nice guys; they at least need a guy with an edge. I'm not sure I fully understand that; however, I assume the "edge" might be different from someone in their 40s than someone in their 20s just simply because people change over time.

So, what would be some examples of things that would give a nice guy an edge in his 40s?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Someone who's comfortable in his own skin and knows what he's about.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

heartsbreaking said:


> Someone who's comfortable in his own skin and knows what he's about.


Oh, well, I've got that down no problem. So, I don't have to punch out the mailman for a late package or drive 55 in a 25 zone? I'm joking of course, but sometimes it actually seems like that's the kind of edge women want.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

southbound said:


> Oh, well, I've got that down no problem. So, I don't have to punch out the mailman for a late package or drive 55 in a 25 zone? I'm joking of course, but sometimes it actually seems like that's the kind of edge women want.


Girls might want that. Women however (and yes, all women gave me the authority to speak on their behalf) want someone that's self-assured and confident. By your 40's, most have been through some stuff and learned some life things. To then carry a quiet knowing, is extremely attractive. 

That - to me at least - is edge.

Might be worthwhile getting a motorbike, guitar and tattoo just in case I'm wrong though


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't break it down into superlatives.

Many women WILL be attracted to a Nice Guy. The issue is ... they won't stay attracted to a Nice Guy.

If a woman asked you, "What are you passionate about?" or "What is the most unpredictable thing you have ever done?"

Do those questions make you smile, or scratch your head? Being able to answer those kinds of questions sets a tone about who you are.

So? What do you think? Are you a creative conversationalist? Someone with an opinion or something to say? Or are you generally silent and subdued? Do you think you are interesting?

I've been asked both of those questions by the way ...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I love nice men. Its the doormats that no woman is attracted to. I think the term 'nice guy' gets misconstrued...what it should really say is 'doormat.' A nice guy isn't the same as a doormat. Two totally different things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I love nice men. Its the doormats that no woman is attracted to. I think the term 'nice guy' gets misconstrued...what it should really say is 'doormat.' A nice guy isn't the same as a doormat. Two totally different things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well said Jellybeans!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I love nice men. Its the doormats that no woman is attracted to. I think the term 'nice guy' gets misconstrued...what it should really say is 'doormat.' A nice guy isn't the same as a doormat. Two totally different things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They should change the terminology to "doormat." It doesn't make sense that women wouldn't like a "Nice guy." I suppose by doormat you mean someone that the wife tells what to do and such?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

southbound said:


> If I understand correctly, a lot of women are not attracted to nice guys; they at least need a guy with an edge. I'm not sure I fully understand that; however, I assume the "edge" might be different from someone in their 40s than someone in their 20s just simply because people change over time.
> 
> So, what would be some examples of things that would give a nice guy an edge in his 40s?


Why are you so focused on what “most women” are looking for in a man????

Why are you not focused on what you want in a woman????

I can assure you the latter is very much easier to define and has a far greater chance of success than trying to be a person you think most women want!!!

Kind of narrows the field down a bit as well. And when you see a woman that somewhat matches your needs then you will know to start the process off and see if you really are a fit or not.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

As a man, you have to focus on just being true to yourself, and the lessons that you've learned from life. If you focus on this belief that you are missing something, then other people will believe that you are missing something. At 40, you know so much more about life than the younger guys, so use this to be confident. 

One potentially positive aspect that you seem to be missing within yourself is that you are questioning everything. This means that you are no longer content to be complacent, so you are all ready so much more than many other men. A guy who questions himself with the goal of improvement, but not from a belief that he is weak, will be noticed by others, including women.

Its hard to talk about what it is like to be an alpha guy without sounding superficial, but one of the most fundamental aspect of it is that you lose the desire to be more like others, but just want to be more. Its more of an open-ended more, though. I'm suggesting that you are already getting there.

In the 40s, being a dominant type of guy also requires an acceptance that you'll never compete with the younger guys in the physical realm, so its more of a state of mind. Its confidence. Confidence to accept that you can even pull off being a nice guy most of the time.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Halien said:


> In the 40s, being a dominant type of guy also requires an acceptance that you'll never compete with the younger guys in the physical realm, so its more of a state of mind. Its confidence. Confidence to accept that you can even pull off being a nice guy most of the time.


They have youth and vigor. But you possess experience, cunning, and guile. :FIREdevil:

And Jellybeans, we discussed the 'phraseology' of 'Nice Guy' at length in the past. A guy who is in fact a doormat is going to have a much easier time referring to himself as a 'Nice Guy' rather than something openly derogatory. 'Nice Guy' is not one or two behaviors, being a doormat included. It is a conglomerate of behaviors, many to the 'Nice Guy' don't seem negative at all, and in fact may not be - but the outcome is that the chick you dig, doesn't dig you back.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AFEH said:


> Why are you so focused on what “most women” are looking for in a man????
> 
> Why are you not focused on what you want in a woman????


:iagree:



Deejo said:


> And Jellybeans, we discussed the 'phraseology' of 'Nice Guy' at length in the past. A guy who is in fact a doormat is going to have a much easier time referring to himself as a 'Nice Guy' rather than something openly derogatory. 'Nice Guy' is not one or two behaviors, being a doormat included. It is a conglomerate of behaviors, many to the 'Nice Guy' don't seem negative at all, and in fact may not be - but the outcome is that the chick you dig, doesn't dig you back.


Didn't see that post in the thread though it's not a thread I read really. I still stand by the position that someone "nice" isn't the same as a "doormat." That's my opinion. 

If someone you "dig" doesn't "dig you back" then move on. It's the only option anyway. You can't make someone "dig" you.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree:
> If someone you "dig" doesn't "dig you back" then move on. It's the only option anyway. You can't make someone "dig" you.


That is a message that it takes your typical 'Nice Guy' quite a long time to get, but of course in the end, is the simple truth.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Whenever someone is rejected, whether they are "nice" or not -- it's harder to get over/move on from than if they were the one who ended the relationship. Par for the course.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Deejo said:


> That is a message that it takes your typical 'Nice Guy' quite a long time to get, but of course in the end, is the simple truth.


Most simply make the pedestal even higher and push the vacuum more vigorously, hoping "she" will honor them with some physical affection.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

http://www.themostinterestingmanint...Equis-Sharks-have-a-week-dedicated-to-him.jpg


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Southbound, here’s my list …. Warm. Desirable. Really Healthy Body. Fit. Sporty. Excellent Cook. Compassionate. Competitive. Friendly. Open. Likes growing fruit and veg. Likes renovating houses. Good interior designer. Honest. Trustworthy. Mature. Girly. Funny. Dedicated. Affectionate. Financially independent. Loyal. Of course if she’s really RICH forget everything else.

How about yours …..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AFEH said:


> Of course if she’s really RICH forget everything else.
> ..


 LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


…. and can’t spell feminism but can spell equality!!!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Why are you so focused on what “most women” are looking for in a man????
> 
> Why are you not focused on what you want in a woman????
> 
> ...


I know exactly what i want in a woman, I just don't think it exists. I thought i had it with my x wife, but apparently she was faking it all those years.

I can assure you I'm not trying to be a person that women want; I don't have the ability nor the desire to fake it. I am who i am so deep that if i tried to fake it, I'd be miserable and it would come across as, well, fake!

I can't fake it, but we all have different sides to our personality. For instance, I may not be a "Gray's Anatomy" guy, but I could have it in my personality to watch it with the person I loved if I knew it gave them pleasure instead of it all being about what I like. I didn't always do that in my previous marriage, so I have learned a lesson. Of course there are limits. I couldn't change to a weed smoking biker with a skull tattoo, but i can go farther than what i did in my previous marriage and still be who I am. 

I'm just trying to be a realist. I am fine with who i am, I just realize it's not what most women want. If, for example, I own a sharp '57 Chevy, and someone is looking to buy a '66 Mustang, then I don't have what they want, even though a '57 Chevy is a nice ride, so why bother?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

South:

You are still healing from the shock of your divorce. Instead of beating yourself up night after night, why don't you find an activity you enjoy? Are there any adult sports leagues there? Is there a volunteer group that you could join? Are there church groups available? Could you jog or hike somewhere?

Being with other people and getting some exercise will help you heal, and replace the obsessive thoughts with positive action.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> South:
> 
> You are still healing from the shock of your divorce. Instead of beating yourself up night after night, why don't you find an activity you enjoy? Are there any adult sports leagues there? Is there a volunteer group that you could join? Are there church groups available? Could you jog or hike somewhere?
> 
> Being with other people and getting some exercise will help you heal, and replace the obsessive thoughts with positive action.


Good suggestion. The only issue there is that I'm an introvert and not overly excited about joining something. Could I jog or hike somewhere? Yes. I have over 100 acres of land with family. I have fields, woods, creeks, ponds, hills and valleys. I spent the weekend doing some mowing maintenance on the tractor. I enjoyed that, it was just me and the deer and turkeys.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

southbound said:


> Good suggestion. The only issue there is that I'm an introvert and not overly excited about joining something. Could I jog or hike somewhere? Yes. I have over 100 acres of land with family. I have fields, woods, creeks, ponds, hills and valleys. I spent the weekend doing some mowing maintenance on the tractor. I enjoyed that, it was just me and the deer and turkeys.


Sounds like my husband. We shot skeet this past weekend. I suck at it, but I had a blast. H is a great shot. If given the choice to go shopping or to the woods, I'm going 4-wheelin. I love to take drinks, extra gas, and ride with H on ATV.

My H looks so hott in camo Hang in there you'll find that lady, now you may have to let her drive the John Deere:smthumbup:


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

How did you meet your ex? Who made the moves?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop putting so much focus in what women want and whether you fit their mold and whether someone would like you/what they'd like, how you don't measure up. 

Focus on you. 

Stop caring about what other people think/say/what they want. 

Be you.

If you meet someone, great. If not, then you don't. 

Stop worrying about What Ifs.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

South- The reason so many men turn into "nice guys" is that they are seeking "approval" from a woman. It's really disgusting. I was one of those guys. When you become indifferent to her reactions or her approval and base your actions on who you are and want to be, she has no power over you. Which, in effect, is pretty sexy.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

The only issue there is that I'm an introvert and not overly excited about joining something.

You're getting such good advice. I love that this community is so supportive. The only thing I would add is that you will likely fall in love with a woman more extroverted than you. We introverts do not fall in love with each other because we would quickly run out of things to talk about!

Join something, and you will find her. Jellybeans is right, though. The key is not to worry either way.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Deejo said:


> How did you meet your ex? Who made the moves?


We met at church. I live in a rural area where people visit each other's churches. I didn't know her personally, but I had heard of her family, and the older people in my church knew her parents.

She let it be known through friends that she liked me. I was going through an "I'm not interested in a relationship" stage, so I didn't act immediately. I finally asked her and she said yes. 

I wasn't immediately head-over-heals, so we broke after a few dates. She called me later, however, and asked me out again. I said yes, and fell for her this time around. She acted like she was nuts about me.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I guess this is the core that I am trying to get at. Have you ever pursued a woman?

There is no wrong answer.

My only point is that after you have worked through, what you need to work through, the only thing that will be holding you back from dating is how you go about it. If you are 'reactive' meaning you wait to determine if a woman is interested in you, then you are going to have a distinctly different experience than you would were you to say, sign up match or another internet dating site.

I live in a small town too. I NEVER would have met any of the women I have been involved with were it not for web dating.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Yesterday I got ambushed by one of the women in the village where I live. She’d been waiting for me, how long I don’t know, outside a café I walk past just about every day. She came out in front of me and then turned around acted surprised that I was there, pecks on cheeks, grabbed my arm and started walking down the hill with me as though we were a couple. She’s not my type at all and she has no chance with me but I never know what to say. When women chase me I actually feel like running away from them. It puts me off and I’ve never really understood why.

Although I’m pretty certain it’s because I like “the chase”. I like to be the hunter, the one doing the chasing and those that come onto me are far too easy, not a challenge at all. And because of that I think they are probably easy with other men as well. Just goes to show how very different we can be. I’m very much a hunter. I know what I like, I know what I’m looking for and when I’m ready I know I will get it. I also know there will be some surprises in there!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lovesherman said:


> The only thing I would add is that you will likely fall in love with a woman more extroverted than you. We introverts do not fall in love with each other because we would quickly run out of things to talk about!


I really agree with this, my husband is introverted, it just wouldn't fare well for him to be matched with another like himself, it would be too much CAALLLLMMMMM, too uneventful. He would even get bored with that ! And he is someone who doesn't get bored easily. He thrives on a little aggression from his mate, he litterly needs his feathers ruffled once in a while. I've always found this entertaining cause of how laid back he is . 

I am not an obsessive talker (even if my posts are long here)but I know how to ask engaging questions to keep a lively conversation going. Some introverts need this from the other, it pulls them out of their loner shell, warmly inviting them into another's world. My husband doesn't mind talking at all -but to START a conversation with a stranger, it just isn't going to happen too often. He has little ooomph to go there. He waits for them to come to him. Or just wouldn't care either way. 

I've seen others keep him yakking for hours- this one old man took a liking to him & kept him occupied in Mechanic talk during an entire birthday party we had & beyond, all the kids left, I had to go & rescue him cause he is too darn nice to end the conversation, not wanting to come off as rude. So I go & make a fuss how I need him right NOW. Ha ha Things like that , you have to almost laugh about , we make a good team. 




Deejo said:


> Many women WILL be attracted to a Nice Guy. The issue is ... they won't stay attracted to a Nice Guy.
> 
> If a woman asked you, "What are you passionate about?" or "What is the most unpredictable thing you have ever done?"
> 
> Do those questions make you smile, or scratch your head? Being able to answer those kinds of questions sets a tone about who you are.


 I like this question, it is intriguing. My husband WOULD be scratching his head about what the most unpredicable thing he ever did was. He is a cautious man, not the risk taking spontaneous type, never was. I don't think this makes him less valuable though. By himself he is not a ball of fire but when you match him with someone like me, the fire gets going. Sometimes it just WORKS, it may not make much sense even , but still something is there. Kinda like watching the movie "the Odd Couple" but make it a man & a woman, we have that type of humor going on. 

I asked him what he is passionate about. Like you Southbound, he is not someone who would care to join anything, he considers himself a loner & he is fine with it. Says he doesn't like people, smiles when he says it, he doesn't mean it in a vindictive way, he just thinks most humans are complete idiots and he has no use for the majority of them or joining any causes, clubs, he is content staying in his own little sphere with me & the kids. That is enough liveliness for him. His answer to the passionate question is ...ME. Gotta love him for that one. It is all about the wife & family for this introverted loner. He doesn't have big dreams he can't fullfill. He keeps his feet on the ground. He is a good worker, does a fine job on anything he puts his hands too. I've always found that attractive, superb handyman, can make his own tools, I am often amazed by that. 

He is most definitely a nice Guy but he has enough EDGE to keep me and I am not that easy to please sometimes. He doesn't even mind that -God bless him but makes fun of me about it. Which I like. MY answers to these questions will probably be a little strange - but hey, that is just me being ME. 

I will be the 1st to admit if my husband was "TOO PROPER"" all the time, never used a swear word, I think I would go insane with boredom. Kinda like watching that Preacher Joel Olsteen - that man is so plastic, I can not even imagine him disagreeing with someone-getting a little angry , it is like a beaming smile has been plastered on his face, life is all roses & sunshine & giving & goodness, a positive confession of lovliness. It's just too much. Give me a break, let your hair down, laugh about your faults, let me know who you'd like to give the finger too once in a while. It is OK . Show me you can get MAD once in a while, you don't have to act on it, you don't need to beat the mail man up. 

Can you laugh at something others may find sinful , can you ENJOY it (here is a nice example The Italian Man Who went to Malta. - YouTube . Can you laugh at something a little reckless -if noone got hurt ? Let's face it, real life antics people come up with beats any comedy. That is our brand of humor, we get the biggest charge out of this show called "1000 ways to die". 

Can you make fun of others once in a while, more the lauhging with them stuff, not making fun of someone that it would hurt -type thing? Can you get down & dirty and enjoy it? 

If I spill something on my shirt, he'll tell me he wants to lick it off. Once he got a little too much in this ladys lane driving & she beeped & gave him the finger, he refers to that sometimes how he better stay in his own lane or some lady might want to have sex with him. 

He can imitate his boss and others so well, in such a halarious derogatory fashion, he has us all in stitches. 

Humor is more my husbands EDGE for me, NOT anything he does -or what he is into, but what he says -even though it is not alot, I laugh so hard when he does it , even making fun of ME many times -and he is SO damn right , how can I not laugh about it. :rofl: He is not too stuffy, proper, judgemental, he knows how to hang with just about anyone even if he is not a great people lover -he sure can make fun of them! If they only knew.

It is like the dirty little side to him that is hidden from many. It the the most bad boy I am going to get out of him, so I am going to take it. Outside of this, and his enjoyment of some Gentleman's Club action with some strippers, getting pictures with porn stars (I allow some crazy things most wives would not understand), he is probably the most RESPONSIBLE honorable man one could ever meet. And I love that too.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

southbound said:


> I was going through an "I'm not interested in a relationship" stage,



Don't underestimate how powerfully effective that attitude was at the time, and is even today.

Regarding yourself as high status, or "off limits" to a woman, is like putting steak in front of a tiger.

A woman loves a challenge, she craves it. Remember this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> Don't underestimate how powerfully effective that attitude was at the time, and is even today.
> 
> Regarding yourself as high status, or "off limits" to a woman, is like putting steak in front of a tiger.
> 
> A woman loves a challenge, she craves it. Remember this.


Wolf,

I've heard it put this way.

A man on a motorcycle rides to the front door and knocks. The object of his desire answers and he says, "I'm here because you are the most beautiful woman in the world and I intend to protect and care for you forever."

She answers, "You're at the wrong door."

**********************************

Similar scenario:

SAME motorcycle rider flying down the street. SAME woman yells out, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to save the most beautiful woman in the world"

"WAIT....." as she joins the other 15 women chasing the motorcycle.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Conrad said:


> "WAIT....." as she joins the other 15 women chasing the motorcycle.


Only 15?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

BigBadWolf said:


> Don't underestimate how powerfully effective that attitude was at the time, and is even today.
> 
> Regarding yourself as high status, or "off limits" to a woman, is like putting steak in front of a tiger.
> 
> A woman loves a challenge, she craves it. Remember this.


And this isn't gender-specific. I have been in this mode for a LONG time now. It's funny to see peoples' reactions when you categorically explain you're not into a relationship.

There was a guy in one of my labs who would seem to ask me out nearly weekly but I was always going somewhere/doing something/didn't have time. 

He only seemed to want to hang out more. In fact not lon gago he sent me an email asking how my summer was goin gand said he hoped we could meet up sometime. 

Another guy asked for my # one night out. I told him "No because then you'll call me." He asked me if I wanted to grab coffee, that we could be 'friends' and I told him "I already have enough friends" and pointed to where all my friends were. He goes, "You're a heartbreaker." LOL. 

So South--it DOES seem--peopole want what they can't have and if you remove yourself as an option, it tends to get their minds thinking! LOL


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think that which comes easy is never ever valued. And it is soooo taken for granted. And soooo abused.

My wife was the biggest challenge of my life. Ever. She was so worth it. Gold encrusted with diamonds and a whole lot nicer than that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AFEH said:


> I think that which comes easy is never ever valued. And it is soooo taken for granted. And soooo abused.
> 
> My wife was the biggest challenge of my life. Ever. She was so worth it. Gold encrusted with diamonds and a whole lot nicer than that.


Aww.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Conrad said:


> A man on a motorcycle rides to the front door and knocks. The object of his desire answers and he says, "I'm here because you are the most beautiful woman in the world and I intend to protect and care for you forever."
> 
> She answers, "You're at the wrong door."
> 
> ...


That makes me want to get the bike out. Maybe a skull tattoo and a joint would make the number go up. lol


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

:rofl: TN


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Aww.


Ha! I'm Mr Romantic. Always have been. It's the way I like to be.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Conrad said:


> **********************************
> 
> Similar scenario:
> 
> ...


Be realistic. I think the OP deserves the truth, or at least "The truth as often quoted by the women who eat loud, raucous lunches in the area outside my office". Nothing trumps a guy with a cute butt. this puzzles me. When I look at another guy's butt, 'cute' isn't something that usually comes to mind. Treadmills do, sometimes.

These middle-aged women rate guys as they pass my work area. I don't think they know that I can hear through the air conditioner vent. My flat front pants tend to get an eight. I once got a nine when I wore the thin wool blend. When I used to wear the baggie pleated pants, I get a six. My boss, who makes about $200k more per year than me, got a four, which made my day.

I asked my wife about this, wondering if life could really be that unfair. She said, "Your butt was a ten when we met. Get to work, hon."


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Halien,

You are on to something.

The shape of the butt determines WHICH motorcycle rider they chase - if there is more than one available.





Halien said:


> Be realistic. I think the OP deserves the truth, or at least "The truth as often quoted by the women who eat loud, raucous lunches in the area outside my office". Nothing trumps a guy with a cute butt. this puzzles me. When I look at another guy's butt, 'cute' isn't something that usually comes to mind. Treadmills do, sometimes.
> 
> These middle-aged women rate guys as they pass my work area. I don't think they know that I can hear through the air conditioner vent. My flat front pants tend to get an eight. I once got a nine when I wore the thin wool blend. When I used to wear the baggie pleated pants, I get a six. My boss, who makes about $200k more per year than me, got a four, which made my day.
> 
> I asked my wife about this, wondering if life could really be that unfair. She said, "Your butt was a ten when we met. Get to work, hon."


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Personally, I wouldn't want my husband to own a motorcycle, doesn't do a da** thing for me, that is just one more risk of him getting seriously injured or dying. (My mothers 1st boyfriend died on one). It would add to my worry so I don't have an appeal for it at all. 

A Man with a well kept finely tuned old Chevy would do much more for me -in excitement. 

His face & smile would be equally as important to me, if not more so than his butt. I look more for a flat stomach & hair on their heads personally. If we want to go for "looks". They might have a nice butt, but if they turn and have a beer belly..... the fantasy is gone !


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> His face & smile would be equally as important to me, if not more so than his butt. I look more for a flat stomach & hair on their heads personally. If we want to go for "looks". They might have a nice butt, but if they turn and have a beer belly..... the fantasy is gone !


:iagree:

Most of the blokes I see around where I live that are riding motorcycles are definitely middle-aged men that have the gut!! Alas, no fantasies there. 

Give me a broad pair of shoulders, strong arms, and a flat stomach any day. Hair on head is optional.

And a man who has a dream and a willingness to make it happen would take the cake!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Most of the blokes I see around where I live that are riding motorcycles are definitely middle-aged men that have the gut!! Alas, no fantasies there.
> 
> ...


Then you obviously don't live anywhere near me.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> His face & smile would be equally as important to me, if not more so than his butt. I look more for a flat stomach & hair on their heads personally. If we want to go for "looks". They might have a nice butt, but if they turn and have a beer belly..... the fantasy is gone !


Sorry, it wasn't my intention to suggest that women really only care about a cute butt. Just trying to suggest to the OP that he should go easy on himself. It only feels like it is hard to be the type of man that women find interesting sometimes, but it really comes down to just being passionate with the vision you have for your life. Even if that vision is just to find contentment through a simple lifestyle.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Halien said:


> Sorry, it wasn't my intention to suggest that women really only care about a cute butt. Just trying to suggest to the OP that he should go easy on himself. It only feels like it is hard to be the type of man that women find interesting sometimes, but it really comes down to just being passionate with the vision you have for your life. Even if that vision is just to find contentment through a simple lifestyle.


NO need to be sorry, I terriibly agree with you- about the contentment in a simple lifestyle.  I am like that - My husband is like that. If I knock that, I am putting myself down. 

I think it is entertaining that everyone is SO different, I enjoy hearing all of these views. It does set us up to feel we are too "out of the box" sometimes, but what is wrong with that- really ? I think that can be a plus. Going against the grain is nothing to be ashamed of, so long as you are happy, show it. The world would be very very boring if we were all the same, and these things gives us SO much to talk about, and laugh about. 

I personally like SOME traits of the bad boy type (sex drive, dirty mindedness & asserting himself when he wants something) -but for me, It completely ENDS THERE. I really don't care for their ego, his unavailability, possible tattos & motorcycle riding- doing dangerous things, and not being "easy", that does not appeal to me at all. I prefer the nicer men because they are more affectionate , more available, come off as more caring, even if that makes them EASY, I WANT that. 

So I am not like the majority of women either. I would more take the guy who showed up on my door and was falling all over me- even if he was so shy he stumbled over his words trying to express himself -so long as he was good looking (nice butt & smile) & a happening sex drive -he would be MY "perfect" man. None other could compare.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

southbound said:


> If I understand correctly, a lot of women are not attracted to nice guys; they at least need a guy with an edge. I'm not sure I fully understand that; however, I assume the "edge" might be different from someone in their 40s than someone in their 20s just simply because people change over time.
> 
> So, what would be some examples of things that would give a nice guy an edge in his 40s?


Others will disagree, but I think an additional way to have an edge in the forties is to be the type of guy who values great health through exercise and eating right. Lets face it, when you see a younger guy who is in great shape, people often assume that it is vanity or to attract women, but the forties becomes more about being disciplined. When you see a guy with a bit of a beer gut, 'edge' doesn't always come to mind. The key is to stay in the mindset where the focus is the discipline, and not vanity. The goal is slow, methodical changes.


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