# Odd conversation with my husband last night, thoughts please!!



## bbk41 (May 30, 2017)

Hello Everyone,

I will try to make this brief and hopefully it will make sense to you. Last night my husband called me on his way home from work. And we got talking about making homemade ice cream and beef jerky, he asked if I would be up for it and I said "Yeah why not it's always good to try new things and we have had both machines to make these for years" Then I commented that we tend to just say things kind of like "We talk out of our butts and then don't follow through on things".

My husband has teased me prior about him not wanting me to go out and try new things (meaning other men). So he said this again to me last night that I better not want to go out and try any of all the new things out there. And I said yes I know and that is a two way street. Mind you all this time the conversation is light and fun. He then is kind of quite and says "I want to say something but I don't", I told him no it's ok go ahead and say what you want to say. He says so with your two way street comment, your basically saying it's tit for tat, like if I went and did something your going to go find someone. Now I'm like what... So I said no, he then said you'd hate me, and I said YES I would as he knows cheating is a deal breaker for me and I have been cheated on in every relationship I've been in, same for him as he has also been cheated on in many of his past relationships.

He follows with yes I don't know what I would do either if you did something like that I would be completely devastated and I just don't know what I would do. I am still just thinking wth. How did we go from Homemade ice cream & beef jerky to this??

Then somehow I don't know how mind you my husband has awful foot in mouth disease pertaining to anything and everything. He mentions something about a threesomes and right around this time he arrived home and I am utterly confused. He said he just wanted to know if I had ever thought about it and he didn't believe it was something he could do, he doesn't know how people do it and that he just wanted my thoughts on it. Am I totally at a loss by then.

Well I am utterly sensitive to anything implying cheating so I said with all this talk I need you to look at me and I asked him I said do you have some ideas about something or have something to confess? Because I said if you do I want you to tell me now. He said no absolutely not if anything was ever going to happen it wouldn't be him, meaning it would be me. I have never given him or any one else I have been with in a relationship any reason to believe I would stray.

My head is spinning with this out of the blue threesome talk. I don't know if it is just me being overly sensitive and reading to much into it because of my past. Or if I need to address it letting him know how much him bringing that up disturbed me and made me question him and even if so I don't know what to say.

I guess I am asking for advice on the conversation, my reaction to it, and what to do now.

Thank you all so much, sorry I tried to keep it on the short side!


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Odd conversation for sure. the threesome thing is alarming.

He sounds insecure to me. I'm going to assume you haven't given him any reason to feel insecure 
(not just of the cheating or flirting kind, but you're reactions to his weirdness, et.).

some people are just insecure by nature, or maybe they have past difficulties that have contributed.
But he sounds very insecure and timid about sharing his feelings.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY TO ME????? 

this is what's really going on with him, and you need to find out why.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I'm wondering if he could have been around someone else (friend, relative, co-worker) who had been talking about or involved in threesome(s)? It was on his mind, but not in an action plan?


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You already said there is a lot of talking out your ass in your marriage, I'd suggest this was more of that. If the two of you are open and transparent all the time he may have just been doing a what if, and the conversation progression makes some sense. Try new food>don't try new men > cheating > threesome (likely he tied that to would it be cheating?). Do you have any red flags or reasons to suspect he's cheating on you? Do you guys share your fantasies?


----------



## bbk41 (May 30, 2017)

I could easily see that he could have been talking with a co-worker and then been like hey I'm going to mention this to my wife like "this is what I heard at work today what do you think", as he often does.


----------



## bbk41 (May 30, 2017)

Rubix Cubed said:


> You already said there is a lot of talking out your ass in your marriage, I'd suggest this was more of that. If the two of you are open and transparent all the time he may have just been doing a what if, and the conversation progression makes some sense. Try new food>don't try new men > cheating > threesome (likely he tied that to would it be cheating?). Do you have any red flags or reasons to suspect he's cheating on you? Do you guys share your fantasies?


----------



## bbk41 (May 30, 2017)

Marriage isn't perfect but there are no reasons that I suspect he is cheating


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

bbk41 said:


> Marriage isn't perfect but there are no reasons that I suspect he is cheating


 Do you guys talk about your fantasies with each other? Maybe that was what he was doing albeit weird timing.
I would stay very vigilant and maybe dig a little to see if anything is awry. Check your phone records for any frequently called numbers you don't know. I think things may be OK and he just went weird with his discussion, but the only way to know is to check up on him a bit without him knowing. After doing that for a while maybe revisit the threesome question with him. If you say something now, if there is any evidence of foul play he'll delete it. Play dumb for now.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need less chat and more ice cream. IMO.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Check your phone records. Sounds like he was getting ready to tell you something.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Odd conversation, no doubt, @bbk41
~

A word to the wise, however, and this is directed at the both of you: 

Do not even entertain bringing a third party into your relationship much less your boudoir!

You will sadly live to regret it!*


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I wouldn't go blowing this up into something it isn't if you don't have any red flags in your relationship. I think that most people have likely had the threesome chat 
on some NON-SERIOUS level of conversation.

""He then is kind of quite and says "I want to say something but I don't",""

The above would be a bit alarming in my own relationship because I know my wife doesn't communicate like that. Is this a normal "foot in mouth" for your husband?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> I wouldn't go blowing this up into something it isn't if you don't have any red flags in your relationship. I think that most people have likely had the threesome chat
> on some NON-SERIOUS level of conversation.
> 
> ""He then is kind of quite and says "I want to say something but I don't",""
> ...


*A conversational remark like that can and should be richly referred to as a "Freudian Slip!"

And it should be considered as such!*


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I don't know. If all else is good, someone else may have mentioned something in Hs travels and it just popped out.

Unless a history of this exact topic just popping out it may be non-sequitor. 

Maybe broach the topic just one time, in a very short exchange, and close it with the statement "this isn't us" and say let's drop it, never to be mentioned again. And let it go.

It may, just may, be nothing to dwell on. Only you know all the circumstances. 

Good luck.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

bbk41, some guys have an odd approach-avoidance fantasy with respect to their wives. Maybe your is one. These guys want to fantasize about their femme fatale wives, but don't actually want to act on it. I know of a guy who pushed his wife into several threesomes (mfm) to point where she actually enjoyed it. He couldn't stand it, and in the end he left her. Both of them were crushed by the breakup. Advice: Don't even think it.


----------

