# Villian = Wife of 18 years, Good Person = Mistress, former mistresses



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

My STBXH has re-written history and has turned everything bad in his life towards me.

In my exH eyes, I am the *villian* who has made his life miserable. I stole money from him, I ate too much, I gained weight, I became frigid, I am unstable, I always nagged, I am angry and bitter, I could not forgive, I am never happy, I spoil our daughter, I am untrustworthy. (all completely delusional).

His mistresses and scumbag bar tramps that he has hooked up with during and after ending marriage on the other hand are *nice* people. He tries to boast about them when talking to friends and family. How they are good people, have made him happy, how they cook for him and care about him and how he feels cared for.

I know I should not let it bother me any longer but comments and actions still trigger hurt and sadness.

This was all brought on by process server at his door with Admissions papers that he needs to sign for child support filing. 

It is so hard to grasp how you went from loving caring wife to villian.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

He is just trying to rationalize his lying, cheating behavior. That's all. It is not about you. It is only about him...just like it always was.

Chin up. You know the truth...as do your friends and loved ones.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

of course you are mde to be the villain. It is how he rationalizes his affair/the divorce. See, if you are the bad guy, that that makes him the good guy. 

The farther away you get from this ordeal (with time) the most "stereotypical" it will seem to you what he is doing.

It's pretty standard what he is doing. Unoriginal.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

It's called 'demonizing' and cheaters do it during and after their affairs to rationalize their deceptions and broken vows. It's abusive and it really hurts. Your real friends know the truth.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

If he was capable of telling the truth and taking responsibility for being a cheat, liar and all the other negatives, you wouldn't be getting divorced, you'd be in R.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

I have to agree with all the others. Cheaters/users unmask themselves overnight and its shocking and ugly. I think because its so sudden and what they say sounds so harsh that initially you believe them. I know I did. 

Then you realize, one day we were talking and functional, the next day they've disappeared and you think I'M the one with the problems???????

The unjustified rage, NC, the unrepentant behavior, the repeating of patterns, the put downs, etc

It really is freaky how someone can just flip out overnight and be in a relationship with someone else while simultaneously ignoring you like you were never alive.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Such great replies and so true! - Sometimes I just need to read and hear from sources who have been there and lived through the hell. Thank you all for the reinforcement and the sane way of breaking down all the insane responses.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Ws will do or say just about anything and will rearrange any event in there heads to make you out to be the unreasonable “monster”. We all have that shocked feeling hearing how events we were part of and now a completely different version or perspective suddenly.

My experience learned the hard way is to not even bother trying to correct history in the ws head. It just makes them believe the nonsense that much more or if they realize you are right they almost instantly will fall back on your are controlling them or belittling them or any number of standard excuses. 

A friend of mine said it to me early on in my divorce, you are going to be the bad guy no matter what. You might as well be the best bad guy you can be. I should have taken his advice. Friends and family figure out the truth of things pretty quick and invariably the ws looks more foolish than they already do. Then the stories will change yet again. Look at the bright side at some point the stories get so ludicrous and warped you do end up just laughing when you hear them. My stbx is now on version 8 or 9 of why she left I don’t even keep track anymore and you will too at some point. 

So get everything you deserve in the divorce be the “villan” he wants you to be.


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