# Tonights the night



## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

I commented on another thread about GNOs that tonight my wife is attending salsa cruise 8-11 with 30 girls. I told her that i dont want her drinking more than a couple beers and that i dont want her going out afterwards. 
What i have found out though since then:
1)I checked a post made about the gno on facebook today and it list 36 people 3 of which are guys. Hmmm GNO?
1)Next wife and i went to a restaurant yesterday for a girls bday and the girls that organised todays party came ( no husband) along with a coue single chicks. She played pool and had a guy totally putting his arm around her waist "teaching"her how to play. 
3) one of wifes other toxic friends will be there too.
Turns out to me, whether wife new or not, it is a no husband party.

I trust wife in this category however when she drinks too much she gives off too friendly signals...

So i will see like a test if she comes home after cruise around 1130 and drunk status!

I also told her this is the last no husband party! For me ther e is a difference between gno (no men) and no husbands ie get ridda husbands so we can behave poorly with men!
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

You now know all you need to know about your wife's "friends" and what goes on during her GNOs. So let me ask you, why is she on that cruise? Why didn't you ask her to stay home ... that you are no longer comfortable with her going out with this group of people without you? I really don't understand what you a doing here. If this were my wife, I would have pulled the ignition wire on the car so she couldn't go anywhere.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

The Middleman said:


> You now know all you need to know about your wife's "friends" and what goes on during her GNOs. So let me ask you, why is she on that cruise? Why didn't you ask her to stay home ... that you are no longer comfortable with her going out with this group of people without you? I really don't understand what you a doing here. If this were my wife, I would have pulled the ignition wire on the car so she couldn't go anywhere.


Seems to be 33 women from facebook... From the pics being posted now theres all these girls dressed in white having fun... Of course in 3 hours time migh be different ... Already told her no clubing afterwards and i am comfortable with her decision making when sober! And she very very rarely goes out with out me like this! I let her go maybe i shouldnt have but she has made good decisions in this department many time and so i let it be
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Part if it is i wanna see if see will be home right after given the peer pressure from bday chick who i just met yesterday and from her actions gives me bad vibes...
Also i wanna see how much she'll drink i can easily tell when she had too much or borderline etc...
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Thehusband2 said:


> Part if it is i wanna see if see will be home right after given the peer pressure from bday chick who i just met yesterday and from her actions gives me bad vibes...
> Also i wanna see how much she'll drink i can easily tell when she had too much or borderline etc...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I wish you luck and I hope she lives up to your expectations.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks! Me too and if not Im fed up with other things and this might be the catalyst i need i dont know i feel conflicted about many things right now
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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Thehusband2 said:


> 1)Next wife and i went to a restaurant yesterday for a girls bday and the girls that organised todays party came ( no husband) along with a coue single chicks. *She played pool and had a guy totally putting his arm around her waist "teaching"her how to play. *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WHA?

Am I the only one who would be in destroy mode?

Who the FVCK is this clown? And why isnt your wife smashing his foot with her heels?

GL man. PS RT click save the pic to save for why she isnt going on the next one. Good effing grief. Sorry derailing thread. I return you to this thread.

Er wait a minute. maybe Im a dummy. Whos wife had some dude holding her? maybe Im the dumbazz. Wouldnt be the first time. LOL.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Let us know how it goes when she comes home ?? Hopefully she'll. be completely sober and you two have our own " quality " time tonight 

Good luck !!


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

No no this was the girl whose bday is tonite who planned the boat cruise , NOT my wife! I was just observing and commenting on to how her married friend was acting!
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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OH thank goodness I was like dude you are too calm. LOL.

Ill slink outa here smacking my dumbazz head.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

No its ok i was typing quick and realize it doesnt all make sense! Haha one time at same bar we were at last time some guy came around and actually did put his hand on my wife ... Right away i walked up to him as we were slightly away from eachother and told him to "get his hands off my wife"
That got me into to trouble too as that guy and 2 friends walked away and wifes friend like one of them but i felt goog lol!
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

What time zone are you in? When is she due home?


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

West coast its 10pm 11-1130 it docks ... I have surveillence tho... Her ipad show her texts being sent, her facebook, and find my iphone for location.... Mmm i cant help myself its terrible
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Thehusband2 said:


> West coast its 10pm 11-1130 it docks ... I have surveillence tho... Her ipad show her texts being sent, her facebook, and find my iphone for location.... Mmm i cant help myself its terrible
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No it's not terrible, I've done that myself. The iPad won't pick up the SMS messages, only the iMessages, so if she texts someone without an iPhone, you won't see it. Find my phone sends an e-mail to the address of record as well (didn't stop me from using it), you should have set up Find my Friends instead there is no trace of your inquiry.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Mmm there has never been any email sent for find my iphone?
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

I just login and see a map using her apple id and my iphone
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Well, the e-mail happened to me and my wife asked me about it. "What are you doing? Tracking me?" I told her, "I just wanted to see if you were where you said you were going to be." Needless to say, it was an uncomfortable few days, but worth it. "Find my Friends" is better.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Wow never thought of the email possibility thanks! it hasnt happened in my case and its been. Useful to confirm things and shes has never been anywhere other than where she has said...
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Haha wife called me to say boat was 1 hour late in Leaving ...which is true because i didnt see it leave till like 930 ... now as i see they are really far i guess she will b home later haha of course
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Ok boat is heading back
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

30-45mins till doc
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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

While you go through this torture of waiting to see how your wife behaves in your absence, I'd like to invite you to first relax and second, consider the position you have put yourself in as an individual.

I've been through the pain you're going through. It's terrible. It's not about lack of trust. You should really never fully trust anyone anyway (we're human!). It's more about having control of your life. Since your wife is a part of your life, you expect a certain level of predictability from her.

The truth is, you already have full control over your life and your wife's fidelity is somewhat irrelevant already. It's not necessary to make it the "tipping point". You have already reached the tipping point and it's obvious from your posts. You need to prepare for divorce talk regardless of what happens tonight.

Your wife's choice of friends is a good indication of where she's headed sober or drunk. You have absolutely no control over that. She does. The only way she might make alterations to her life path is if the consequences of her choices do not yield the pleasures she has been hoping for.

What you are getting yourself into here is a long torturous path of severe anxiety and self-neglect. Your wife can easily let you down when you least expect it. For all we know, she already might have. 

Why live with this fear? Why bother convincing your wife that she should make better choices as far as friends and events to attend? Do you really think you're going to win that argument? Not a chance.

It's time to let her know that you're worth more than suffering from anxiety because of her choices. It's time for her to know that she's about to lose you very soon. It's time to detach (at least temporarily).

You can't spy her out of this. You can't love her out of this. You can't scare her out of this either. You can only force yourself out of this. And for that, you will be a better, more attractive, more assertive man than you've ever been.

Good luck to you.


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## Logitex (Jul 5, 2013)

Thehusband2 said:


> I commented on another thread about GNOs that tonight my wife is attending salsa cruise 8-11 with 30 girls. I told her that i dont want her drinking more than a couple beers and that i dont want her going out afterwards.
> What i have found out though since then:
> 1)I checked a post made about the gno on facebook today and it list 36 people 3 of which are guys. Hmmm GNO?
> 1)Next wife and i went to a restaurant yesterday for a girls bday and the girls that organised todays party came ( no husband) along with a coue single chicks. She played pool and had a guy totally putting his arm around her waist "teaching"her how to play.
> ...


Clearly you dont trust your wife. granted my wife doesnt have the toxic friend (I can imagine that is hell) 

Telling her not to drink (good luck with that) 

i dont know. I find the more you tell people not to do something the more they will want to do it. It sounds like you are stalking her pretty hard too. 

Ive heard people say 

"Well he doesnt trust me, so I might as well screw around since I am being accused of it anyhow despite not doing it" 


just throwing that out there.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

TH2, sorry but it got too late for me to stay up with you. Please let us know how things went for you last night. As I said, and others did too, you put yourself through a lot last night just to see if your wife would do the right thing. I used to think that way too very early on in my marriage, but now I have a different attitude. You need to assert yourself as leader of the family and if these GNOs don't sit right with you or the toxic friends then put and end to it. No more GNOs, no more going out with these toxic friends. If she continues with it after you've expressed your feelings, well then your marriage has bigger issues your going to have to deal with.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Logitex said:


> "Well he doesnt trust me, so I might as well screw around since I am being accused of it anyhow despite not doing it"


If that happened then someone made a real poor choice of picking a spouse. If my wife went out on a GNO after I asked her not to, you could take it to the bank that I would show up at the event and hang out with her all night. I wouldn't give a **** how mad she got. I actually did that twice, not because she went against my wishes, but because I wanted to see if she was doing what she said she was. Don't be over bearing, but assert yourself as leader of the family.

The truth is that in my marriage, the GNOs/BNOs were few and far between and have become less and less (virtually non existent) after the years pass. The key is to end contact with toxic friends who want to destroy your marriage.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

The Middleman said:


> If that happened then someone made a real poor choice of picking a spouse. If my wife went out on a GNO after I asked her not to, you could take it to the bank that I would show up at the event and hang out with her all night. I wouldn't give a **** how mad she got. I actually did that twice, not because she went against my wishes, but because I wanted to see if she was doing what she said she was. Don't be over bearing, but assert yourself as leader of the family.
> 
> The truth is that in my marriage, the GNOs/BNOs were few and far between and have become less and less (virtually non existent) after the years pass. The key is to end contact with toxic friends who want to destroy your marriage.


Sorry it got late!

Ok so she came back later but thats because boat docked later she had a fee drinks which is fine but not intoxicated at all... Her other friends went clubbing but she came home which im fine with! 
As for toxic friends ... Well birthday girls is actually divorcing which is the reason prob her husband was not out yesterday or friday and why she allowed another guys hand around her. I told her this morning i dont want her hanging out with x y z and provided example of my own friend at the beginning of our marriage who was such a player and one time put me in a position of a BNO with girls that wanted to get it on. I told her wven tho i knew i wouldnt do anything i told her hanging withthis friend bno style was disrespectful so i stopped and i expect the same.

She actually doesnt understand why her friends' issues have anything to do with her hanging with them. I provided one example that those friends will always try to make "girls only" events and always be in clubs and such ... Not family healthy! Thats why! Dont think she understands or agrees with that line of thjnking!
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

To be honest she rarely goes out like this... If it was more often i agree i would have an issue to deal with i feel lucky i dont because i dont think id feel good her going out like this on a weekely / monthly basis!
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Thehusband2 said:


> To be honest she rarely goes out like this... If it was more often i agree i would have an issue to deal with i feel lucky i dont because i dont think id feel good her going out like this on a weekely / monthly basis!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't believe in GNOs or BNOs unless it's out for dinner at a restaurant and home before 9:00 PM (and we have the right to check up on each other). Going to bars (or anywhere alcohol is being served), dancing with other men/women without your spouse being present has no place in a marriage. You might as well bring someone home to your husband/wife and let them have sex in the bedroom ... it saves the aggravation. Any married person who can't see this simple truth or think that they are invulnerable to being attracted to another man or another woman is delusional; it can happen to anyone. The rule of no separate nights out and no opposite sex friends cuts down the odds of that happening.

From what I read in your other postings, you seem to be very unhappy in your marriage. Am I correct? Is this another reason for your unhappiness or are you looking for a good reason to end the marriage? I don't mean to be insulting, this is just what I picked up form your posts.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Thats fine nonproblems! Im not happy but other issue are more important to me then gnos since the last one was like a year ago... Still worki g on things mainly her sister living with us and a lack of privacy and time together...

Gnos i told her only couples from now
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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Thehusband2 said:


> Thats fine nonproblems! Im not happy but other issue are more important to me then gnos since the last one was like a year ago... Still worki g on things mainly her sister living with us and a lack of privacy and time together...
> 
> Gnos i told her only couples from now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lack of privacy and (intimate) time together in your marriage makes GNOs much more risky. If your not bonding with her at home, it makes the risk of her meeting and bonding with someone else easier. You have to find a way to deal with that issue at home.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

I know...but dont know how! Sister will b here another year and i told wife i cant take this lack of time together and worsening relationship anylonger.
Since then we have had 2 weekends where its just been us and kids no sister! Also we ve gone out by ourselves more so she must be trying? Behind the scenes. Her sister is now working lots of odd jobs, going to school and has friends... Maybe it will fix things...
I gave myself till january for things ti change. I keep trying but also need effort from her and if it doesnt change im out! As i want to enjoy my life and be out and about with someone appreciative and who makes effort for us as a coulple! I also have to do it soon o e because not getting younger and second before i finish med school and she takes half my salary as alimony for all the "support" shes provided... I know it sounds terrible but sometimes i feel in am doing way more than my share prividing for family getting zero appreciation like im being played ...
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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

so i had a conversation with wife and told her how i feel about the 5 girls i know more about in that group of friends and specifically discussed one girl with her. I actually find that girl cool to hang with BUT she has so many issues and because of the way she deals with those issues (late night club, bars, multiple men, poor parenting) is dangerous to our marriage... I told my wife that I am NOT willing to let her friend's issues become mine! specifically, late night clubbing and not knowing what my wife is doing. I told wife that if they want to hang out, great lets do it and they can invite US as a COUPLE and I will gladly hang out and have fun, and if they dont like that idea, well, they are just not ready to be OUR friends... 

hopefully this puts an end to gnos of that type...

wife didnt go clubbing but i saw FB photos and the boat looked like a bunch of girls having fun dancing together... 

club later on "surprisingly" had pics of the girls and now with men...hmmm GNO? what happened...photos looked innocent BUT it is interesting to me that now it was no longer just chicks as they were initially adament about


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

So briefly skimming a few of the other threads you started, it seems like you and your wife have drifted apart due to kids plus you going to med school. How is everything going? Is it getting better? It seems like you have this general lack of trust in your wife. Granted, I'm a fan of marriage friendly GNO's but would not be accepting of my wife going to nightclubs where men are prowling about looking to score with women. I trust my wife, but why put yourself in a bad situation to begin with is my viewpoint. If my wife would ever want to go dancing, just say the word and I'll go with her no matter how terrible I am at it. If she's dancing, then I'm there too.

Sorry for the sidetrack, but if things are still not moving in the right direction, then you need to make changes in your current situation. Anything you want to discuss?


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So briefly skimming a few of the other threads you started, it seems like you and your wife have drifted apart due to kids plus you going to med school. How is everything going? Is it getting better? It seems like you have this general lack of trust in your wife. Granted, I'm a fan of marriage friendly GNO's but would not be accepting of my wife going to nightclubs where men are prowling about looking to score with women. I trust my wife, but why put yourself in a bad situation to begin with is my viewpoint. If my wife would ever want to go dancing, just say the word and I'll go with her no matter how terrible I am at it. If she's dancing, then I'm there too.
> 
> Sorry for the sidetrack, but if things are still not moving in the right direction, then you need to make changes in your current situation. Anything you want to discuss?


Thanks!

well yea there have been a couple things that make me on the look out but honestly in the end i do trust her and she has never done anything inappropriate...naive ok but not inappropriate... GNO with those friends i dont like and i told her in way i feel that asserts the boundary and she has agreed...

drifting apart yes, but I would say it is her sister being here and living with us more than anything...Im treating med school like a job and so I'm gone 10 hiours a day but im there 3 weekday evenings and all weekends minus exam period which combined was like 5 weeks in the last year... I do try to make time, dates, activities, etc... But for me not having private time for my wife and i has been huge.. I dont know what to do about it as wife thinks it isnt a problem, and even tho i tried explaining, it falls on deaf ears essentially.

there were issues, of her trying to make me do work around the house despite providing for us and working at school which is more than a fulltime job, so I put my foot down and finally communicated that I will not "make up" for the time im away from home by doing more work around house...and somehow its gotten alot better, I no longer come home and do a stack of dishes before cooking and then cleaning tose dishes haha... yea, i was trying to be helpful but now realize i was doormat especuially as i was doing that she was still saying i dont do anything around house... while she had money in her bank to go have coffee with friends in morning... 

i am so resentful for how things went down during the school year and cannot shake it despite slightly better circumstances now... I felt my contribution of supporting us financially now AND studying for a future better life was not even to smallest extent appreciated at all.

sometimes i feel she is putting up with things and will leave once i'm practicing with a nice spouse support maybe im paranoid but i dont feel supported, she clearly doesnt care how i felt about private time, etc... i dont know...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Thehusband2 said:


> so i had a conversation with wife and told her how i feel about the 5 girls i know more about in that group of friends and specifically discussed one girl with her. I actually find that girl cool to hang with BUT she has so many issues and because of the way she deals with those issues (late night club, bars, multiple men, poor parenting) is dangerous to our marriage... I told my wife that I am NOT willing to let her friend's issues become mine! specifically, late night clubbing and not knowing what my wife is doing. I told wife that if they want to hang out, great lets do it and they can invite US as a COUPLE and I will gladly hang out and have fun, and if they dont like that idea, well, they are just not ready to be OUR friends...
> 
> hopefully this puts an end to gnos of that type...
> 
> ...


Were the pics of married women with men not their husbands clearly "together"? Rt click save them then show them to your wife. THIS is why I dont want you going clubbing.

Am I crazy or did he pass. She got to do girlfriend GNO stuff then came home before men were involved.


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## Thehusband2 (Aug 25, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> Were the pics of married women with men not their husbands clearly "together"? Rt click save them then show them to your wife. THIS is why I dont want you going clubbing.
> 
> Am I crazy or did he pass. She got to do girlfriend GNO stuff then came home before men were involved.


No, The pics innocent and a couple of them are divorced...however it was supposed to be just girls...so what happened in club or limo??? just goes to show that GNOs do NOT mean no guys/just girls it means no husbands/boyfriends and it is clear that surely they were partying with men afterwards or atleast taking a photo and giving someone a ride back home...

my wife passed i feel...in the alternative she could have stayed out all night if she really wanted to but she didnt


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Were the pics of married women with men not their husbands clearly "together"? Rt click save them then show them to your wife. THIS is why I dont want you going clubbing.
> 
> Am I crazy or did he pass. She got to do girlfriend GNO stuff then came home before men were involved.


The ritual of doing this without the husbands and elevating the other men in the environments. Over time, imagine the path it leads on.

It's the same thing when men do it. Over time, they end up participating in what's going on in the environments. The single folks stuff.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Was just curious if this ended up like what likely happened to Logan3 with the other married women not yours.


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