# Is this a fitness test?



## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Spouse 1 is disgruntled because spouse 2 snaps at them in store.

After a silent ten minutes, spouse 2 asks "are you ok?"

spouse 1 says "funny you should ask, dear." and then tells spouse 2 they didn't appreciate being snapped at, and furthermore, how self-centered spouse 2 is being right now.

Feels like a test: "I'm miffed. Will you notice? Or must I tell you? I'm going to sit here sulking till you notice."

if this is a test, how does one pass it? How does one fail it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Spouse 1 isn't testing. Spouse 1 is pi$$Ed off at spouse 2. If the test was from spouse 2, spouse 1 should have put spouse 2 in place immediately before going into passive aggressive mode to try to draw out a response from spouse 1.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I thought a passive aggressive attempt to draw out a response would qualify as a test.

Any time you're passive aggressively waiting for someone to respond to you in some way, aren't you testing to see if they will?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> Spouse 1 isn't testing. Spouse 1 is pi$$Ed off at spouse 2. If the test was from spouse 2, spouse 1 should have put spouse 2 in place immediately before going into passive aggressive mode to try to draw out a response from spouse 1.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree:
You seem to be obsessed with these "fitness tests" Why do you always view a negative behavior from him as a test? The guy is ticked that you snapped at him.

He seems to refer to you as being selfish or self centered alot. Be honest with yourself, could there be some truth to that.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I think it was a situation that was handled poorly by both parties.

Spouse 2 snapped. This isn't acceptable behavior, but we all have weak moments. When S2 noticed that S1 was still upset about the issue, there was no need to ask if S1 was okay. Clearly they weren't. Instead, S2 should have said something along the lines of, "I really lost my cool earlier and there's no excuse for that. I'm sorry." 

Being that S2 asked if S1 was upset when they weren't ready to handle the situation appropriately, S1 should have made it known that they were upset, but too emotional to discuss the situation at the moment.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> I thought a passive aggressive attempt to draw out a response would qualify as a test.
> 
> Any time you're passive aggressively waiting for someone to respond to you in some way, aren't you testing to see if they will?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Maybe he was silent because he didn't want to cause a scene in public, thinking he would address it in private. Perhaps he was gathering his thoughts before speaking, or giving himself time to cool down, to gain control over his emotions.

You seem to think more about if he's testing you than, Why did I snap? How can I handle it better next time?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Though I do understand the "passive-aggressive" thing - hubby does it all the time and it's irritating and selfish.

I would drather he yell, cuss at me - something - I can deal with that - but how do you deal with TOTAL SILENCE like you don't even exist?

Very difficult...she's been dealing with it a short time, I've been dealing with it for 27 years!


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

whereamI's post humbles me - yet I know in the 'heat' of an instant when comments (not even comments they could just be remarks) are being spoken, I cannot be this controlled or analytical; would that I could!

ref passive aggressive, I've got a thread with very few comments & I'd definitely welcome more, I reckon it's an interesting theme


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

4sure said:


> :iagree:
> You seem to be obsessed with these "fitness tests" Why do you always view a negative behavior from him as a test? The guy is ticked that you snapped at him.
> 
> He seems to refer to you as being selfish or self centered alot. Be honest with yourself, could there be some truth to that.


I'm not obsessed, I just know there's a lot of unconscious stuff that governs what we do.
And I felt tested for my response.

This event affected me because of the overall context of the relationship, and where it fits into that.

I also know that i am no more self-centered than my husband, and am working on growing as a person.
I also don't call him self-centered. I also work very hard to see his pov and not just my own.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> Spouse 1 is disgruntled because spouse 2 snaps at them in store.
> 
> After a silent ten minutes, spouse 2 asks "are you ok?"
> 
> ...


Shouldn't have snapped.


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