# I need help!!!



## Peaches2012 (Oct 15, 2012)

I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Peaches2012 said:


> can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?


Stop. Simply stop. That is all.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Tell your husband what happened and get into MC.

now


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Yes. Stop now. You are on a slippery slope. 

The good feeling this guy gives you is nothing more than a dopamine rush. The more you sext him the more addicted you'll get until you agree to meet him for some one on one at the motel. 

Check out Devistated Dad's thread. This is the same innocent way his wife's affair started, and now their marriage and family is in jeopardy. 

Why not sext your husband?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

The good news is you're alarmed by it and know it's wrong. The bad news is you're attracted to him. 

You should have never started talking about your marriages. That opened the door to sex talk. You don't have boundaries in place. Your boundaries shouldn't simply be at "not having sex" with someone. They should firmly be in place a few steps before that. Talking about your marriage with him would be crossing a boundary.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?


Sexting is cheating Peaches -- you are very close to crossing a line of no return and possibly ruining you marriage. I assume you are an adult since you are married -- so you have the ability to determine what is right and what is wrong -- and make a decision if you want to continue this sexting affair which will lead to a possible PA -- or stayed married to your husband.

Why r u engaging in the sexting affair ??

Go read AnnieAsh's thread -- she was in an EA and didn't realize it.


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## Peaches2012 (Oct 15, 2012)

it started off as harmless and kind of went from there-I guess maybe he realized as well, as he asked me to delete the texts from my phone. I guess because he has never physically 'tried" anything and as I said has said NUMEROUS times he would be faithful-I wasnt worried. Just thought it was an innocent flirtation-if that. And yes, I am an adult-actually about 7 years older than he is.

I appreciate the replies w/o judgement everyone-thank you.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You are at the beginning of an EA. Well done for picking it up. Most don't
The feelings you have at the moment will fade fast but you have to stop this right now before you destroy your marriage.

Tell him that it must stop and that you only want to talk about work related things. DO NOT share marriage problems with him.

Talk to your husband. Tonight. I dont think you have gone far enough to call it an EA yet but your H needs to know how dangerously close you are to having an affair. 

An affair will destroy your life.

At best this guy he is trying to convince himself that he won't cheat and telling you this makes you feel safe. At worst he is a player and this is a technique to get in your pants.

Either way. He wants to get in your pants. 

Stop.

Stop

Read what happens in real life on this board. Every time you want to contact him read here about the trail of destruction affairs leave.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

READ THIS BOOK

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

And give it to him to read too. Then tell him you will not be speaking to him again, EVER.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Yes. Stop now. You are on a slippery slope.
> 
> The good feeling this guy gives you is nothing more than a dopamine rush. The more you sext him the more addicted you'll get until you agree to meet him for some one on one at the motel.
> 
> ...


Yes. Stop. Cut off all contact. I am Devistated Dad's wife, and I can attest that "innocent" flirting, talking, and texts keep growing and growing, and you end up crossing lines you never thought you would. I so wish I had posted something similar to your post a year ago, and that I had been smart enough to recognize the path I was going down.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?


Get away from him. He's walking you right into an affair, and *yes he does want the cheat* on his wife with you.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Whatever you told him about the shortcomings of your marriage should have been told to your husband, unless you want to leave your husband.

The reason why I say that you should tell hubby is so that you can face the harsh reality of your own emotions when you are forced to come to grips with how you have violated your own moral code. You should not skate free from this.

My take on cheating is this, I don't do anything to her that I would not feel comfortable in knowing that she was doing to me.

Would you mind knowing that your husband talked to another woman about the troubles in your marriage? Would a little "light sexting" bother you?

If not, carry on.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Peaches2012 said:


> it started off as harmless and kind of went from there-I guess maybe he realized as well, as he asked me to delete the texts from my phone. I guess because he has never physically 'tried" anything and as I said has said NUMEROUS times he would be faithful-I wasnt worried. you.


Sounds like he was trying to convince himself.

I feel sorry for his wife. I really hope he tells her and they can get over it, and that he never does it again.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm sure the sexting was fun and exciting. That's the dopamine rush Bandit referred to. It's a feel good chemical that gets released when you do this kind of thing. It's the same chemical cocaine users experience. It's addicting. It's the same thing you experience when you're first dating someone. The butterflies.

Don't ever think this worker is your 'true love.' That's the chemicals talking. Your husband is the same old familiar guy, who's not as exciting as when you were first dating. So he can't compete with the coworker. Just remember that these great feelings you're feeling with him are just fantasy, not real.

EDIT: I realize you didn't say the co-worker is your 'true love', just that you find yourself attracted to him. I'm just referring to what you might start thinking if you allow this to continue.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Sounds like he was trying to convince himself.
> 
> I feel sorry for his wife. I really hope he tells her and they can get over it, and that he never does it again.


I'm not buying it. There's actually a script for seducing happily married women. The OM that sucked my WW into an EA used the same script. He turned little things into big things in their conversations, then turned around and tried to play the good guy... after awhile I looked like trash and he was the only one that cared...

Don't walk away from him. RUN!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, I am not hopeful he isn't a POS either.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

I agree with the others who say he wants to get in your pants. Telling you he would never cheat might be a way to lower your guard, so he can continue his relationship with you. Since he knows you probably don't think highly of cheaters, he's telling you "he's a good man." Until you two go too far down the road where he doesn't care about being a "good man" anymore.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

The number of messages so quickly should give you an idea of the urgency of this situation. 

When I think about it my ex-wife was told this too. She was told he would never cheat. blah blah. fcked her then it didn't matter anymore. 

Notice EX-WIFE. This is the likely outcome if you continue. Cut him off. now.


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## Peaches2012 (Oct 15, 2012)

I dont know if it makes a difference, but in all of our "friendly" chats we have had, I did disclose to him that after my Mom died recently I did have an indiscretion with a former lover (I am NOT making excuses but I did do extensive counseling and was told this sometimes happens during times of grief). He kind of used that as a springboard to inform me HE would never cheat-even though he tells me daily he is considering divorce and would like to catch his wife with someone else to give him an "easy out"....at 45 I should not be so naive I guess, but I just figured due to all of that, a little flirting was harmless-that it would come to nothing.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Peaches2012 said:


> I dont know if it makes a difference, but in all of our "friendly" chats we have had, I did disclose to him that after my Mom died recently I did have an indiscretion with a former lover (I am NOT making excuses but I did do extensive counseling and was told this sometimes happens during times of grief). He kind of used that as a springboard to inform me HE would never cheat-even though he tells me daily he is considering divorce and would like to catch his wife with someone else to give him an "easy out"....at 45 I should not be so naive I guess, but I just figured due to all of that, a little flirting was harmless-that it would come to nothing.


You REALLY need to read this book

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> Stop. Simply stop. That is all.


Gabriel, can I just amplify what you said and expand on it, a little, please?

Stop. Simply stop. That is all


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I dont know if it makes a difference, but in all of our "friendly" chats we have had, I did disclose to him that after my Mom died recently I did have an indiscretion with a former lover (I am NOT making excuses but I did do extensive counseling and was told this sometimes happens during times of grief). He kind of used that as a springboard to inform me HE would never cheat-even though he tells me daily he is considering divorce and would like to catch his wife with someone else to give him an "easy out"....at 45 I should not be so naive I guess, but I just figured due to all of that, a little flirting was harmless-that it would come to nothing.


So this will be the second time you've cheated on your husband?

Sigh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

The Slippery Slope quizz
You are attracted to him, you violated marital boundaires by sharing intimate isssues with him, the attraction has become sexting. You need to stop yesterday.
Stop talking to this man. Cold turkey. You will find how deep into this you the moment you start having withdrawal symptoms. Your mind will find all kinds of trick to break your commitment to NC. To go back to harmless friendship. Not gonna happen. 

Go NC. That simple.


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## sdcott (Oct 9, 2012)

definitely stop and don't pretend it is harmless flirtation. There is no such thing - Go home and make your hubby your priority and find the flame and spark there.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I dont know if it makes a difference, but in all of our "friendly" chats we have had, I did disclose to him that after my Mom died recently I did have an indiscretion with a former lover (I am NOT making excuses but I did do extensive counseling and was told this sometimes happens during times of grief). He kind of used that as a springboard to inform me HE would never cheat-even though he tells me daily he is considering divorce and would like to catch his wife with someone else to give him an "easy out"....at 45 I should not be so naive I guess, but I just figured due to all of that, a little flirting was harmless-that it would come to nothing.


You told this guy you already cheated on your husband once. Now he will be your friend -- because he wants to be OM # 2 and he won't care -- because he will say that you already cheated once.

Him telling you he would never cheat is to put you more at ease while he seduces you into cheating with him.

Some guys will say and do anything !!


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

The answer really isn't complicated, it's easy, you get a divorce, and then you put yourself out there. That way when someone passes away in your family in the future you can have sex with as many guys as you want. I know you may think I'm being sarcastic but I'm not, I'm serious. You'll be able to chat, sext and have as many sex partners as you want and not feel guilty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Peaches -

Happened to me also years ago with a married co-worker. I got lucky when he ended it for the "new more attractive girl" at work.

The good news is that you found this forum!

You are in an emotional affair & this married man is grooming you for sex. They say they want to leave thier wives but 99% do not. I understand he never said he wants to leave his wife for you but isn't it odd that he mentioned that?

Time to end it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Peaches, why are you married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I suppose the husband doesn't know either. Hmm doccool?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tobey69 (Oct 12, 2012)

bump.....


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## Anymum (Jun 19, 2011)

There is no such thing as innocent flirting, believe me on that one.

Does your H know about the first time you cheated on him?

Take the advice received, cease and desist all communication ASAP.

Your OM knows you strayed once, he's setting things up to be OM#2.

AM


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## Peaches2012 (Oct 15, 2012)

I just wanted to post once more on here and then I am done. I spoke too soon about no judgement because there were a couple of posts that made me want to retract that statement. First off, Tony55, I did not think you were sarcastic-I thought you were rude and judgemental. Yes I made a mistake in the midst of the worse grief I have been thru thus far in my life. According to licensed therapists and the chaplins in the grief counseling groups I am STILL in, adultry is not that unheard of in those types of situations. Telling me to get divorced so next time I can sleep with whoever I want and not worry is not only rude but extreamly callous. I came on here for advice from people who I a assumed were not perfect and who had been where I am now at and can be of some help. If I wanted to be judged and rediculed I could have gone to any other site besides this one. I wont be posting anymore and will keep my problems where they belong, obviously, in PRIVATE. My bad. Perhaps though next time you may want to think about how you come across to people who are hurting badly and opened up honestly to get some honest feedback. that will be the last time I try THAT.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I just wanted to post once more on here and then I am done. I spoke too soon about no judgement because there were a couple of posts that made me want to retract that statement. First off, Tony55, I did not think you were sarcastic-I thought you were rude and judgemental. Yes I made a mistake in the midst of the worse grief I have been thru thus far in my life. According to licensed therapists and the chaplins in the grief counseling groups I am STILL in, adultry is not that unheard of in those types of situations. Telling me to get divorced so next time I can sleep with whoever I want and not worry is not only rude but extreamly callous. I came on here for advice from people who I a assumed were not perfect and who had been where I am now at and can be of some help. If I wanted to be judged and rediculed I could have gone to any other site besides this one. I wont be posting anymore and will keep my problems where they belong, obviously, in PRIVATE. My bad. Perhaps though next time you may want to think about how you come across to people who are hurting badly and opened up honestly to get some honest feedback. that will be the last time I try THAT.


Peaches here you will get what you need not what you want to hear, good luck.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Having been there and done that, I can tell you that if I had the option to go back and do it differently, I would go back and shut it down.

Not only did we take it way too far, seeing how hurt my husband was afterwards was devastated. My colleage - he was just worried about something coming out at work or to his wife. He had no concern about my well being or outcomes.

Talk to your husband, get in to counseling. If you're really not happy and things aren't getting better, then look at leaving and filing for divorce.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

You said your husband doesn't know about this. 

Does he know about the time you cheated on him after your mother passed away?


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## SoulStorm (Jul 17, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I just wanted to post once more on here and then I am done. I spoke too soon about no judgement because there were a couple of posts that made me want to retract that statement. First off, Tony55, I did not think you were sarcastic-I thought you were rude and judgemental. Yes I made a mistake in the midst of the worse grief I have been thru thus far in my life. According to licensed therapists and the chaplins in the grief counseling groups I am STILL in, adultry is not that unheard of in those types of situations. Telling me to get divorced so next time I can sleep with whoever I want and not worry is not only rude but extreamly callous. I came on here for advice from people who I a assumed were not perfect and who had been where I am now at and can be of some help. If I wanted to be judged and rediculed I could have gone to any other site besides this one. I wont be posting anymore and will keep my problems where they belong, obviously, in PRIVATE. My bad. Perhaps though next time you may want to think about how you come across to people who are hurting badly and opened up honestly to get some honest feedback. that will be the last time I try THAT.


I don't understand why people would come on a forum..say they cheated on their spouse more than once and expect people not to be honest with them about what they need to do. You will get many types of responses..some blunt but helpful..some callous and insulting and some very very helpful without the rough edges.
You will never find on this type of forum, someone telling you "What, you cheated on your spouse?"..."Good Job!"

If you do, they are being sarcastic.

If you are weak enough to cheat on your spouse, but bold enough to go through with it..be just as bold if you want to fix it.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Peaches2012 said:


> I just wanted to post once more on here and then I am done. I spoke too soon about no judgement because there were a couple of posts that made me want to retract that statement. First off, Tony55, I did not think you were sarcastic-I thought you were rude and judgemental. Yes I made a mistake in the midst of the worse grief I have been thru thus far in my life. According to licensed therapists and the chaplins in the grief counseling groups I am STILL in, adultry is not that unheard of in those types of situations. Telling me to get divorced so next time I can sleep with whoever I want and not worry is not only rude but extreamly callous. I came on here for advice from people who I a assumed were not perfect and who had been where I am now at and can be of some help. If I wanted to be judged and rediculed I could have gone to any other site besides this one. I wont be posting anymore and will keep my problems where they belong, obviously, in PRIVATE. My bad. Perhaps though next time you may want to think about how you come across to people who are hurting badly and opened up honestly to get some honest feedback. that will be the last time I try THAT.


Keeping your problems to yourself obviously hasn't worked out for you. 

The wounds of friends are good for you. The kisses of the enemy are full of poison. 

You're in an emotional affair, and it will mutate into a PA because of your *pride* and *denial*. 

And you are going to deeply regret these rationalizations you're making, just because a couple people here have made some painfully candid observations. 

_These tears you cry have come to late.
Take back the lies,the hurt, the blame.
And you shall weep when you face the end alone.
You are lost...
You can never go home..._


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Peaches if you're still lurking I stand by my question.

From what you have described about your marriage and your two affairs, I do not believe you are emotionally mature enough to be married.

Do your husband a huge favor, probably the best thing you could ever do: tell him about your affairs and tell him you will be divorcing him. Take no more from the divorce than what you need (child support if you have kids) and set him free.

He will grieve and hate you for a long time, but after a few years he will thank you for being honest and taking responsibility for your poor judgement.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Peaches2012 said:


> it started off as harmless and kind of went from there-I guess maybe he realized as well, as he asked me to delete the texts from my phone. I guess because he has never physically 'tried" anything and as I said has said NUMEROUS times he would be faithful-I wasnt worried. Just thought it was an innocent flirtation-if that. And yes, I am an adult-actually about 7 years older than he is.
> 
> I appreciate the replies w/o judgement everyone-thank you.


You want blunt, if you keep talking to him (since you've started to get emotionally attached to him) you'll be on your back and spread eagle in no time.

It's always so innocent. The girl I cheated with was just idle chit chat at a bar (she was a regular there). Then talking about life and ourselves and family. Then just going to lunch and dinner because i enjoyed her company. It was all so innocent so no need to tell the wife and get in trouble over something so little and stupid.

Then it was I'm starting to like you and before you know it I was sleeping with her 24/7 for about 1 1/2 months or so, but the 1st 1 1/2 months was just the everything is just innocent and nothing will ever happen.

You know how I fixed that problem, I don't associate with women at all anymore unless it's business or family. No temptation, no problems. It is an addiction and the only way to fight the addiction is to remove the drug. Could I cheat again, hell yes but I won't. But just to make sure I don't cheat again, I took it one step further in removing all members of the opposite sex out of my life that are not related to me.

And you becoming defensive means someone hit a nerve that you didn't want to be hit. Look inside and realize the reason you got mad is because you know what you did was wrong and instead of fixing it you're looking for the pat on your back saying everything will work out and the fairy tale will come back tomorrow with your husband.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I am very attracted to my coworker. It has grown over the past few years and we have graduated from work talk to marraige talk-his and mine. We share details about fights, problems, etc. I didnt think of it as emotional cheating at first, but now we have lightly 'sexted" each other. That was last week and we still talk, but we have not mentioned anything about the texting since. He tells me time and time again he is faithful and wouldnt cheat..what the heck is going on?! I am not ignorant-I know my hubby would hit the roof if he knew I talked about our marraige much less texted as well. I think maybe it was just a one time thing that went a little off the rails but will go back to normal...can someone who has been thru this route shed a light for me?


UMMMMMMM you are literally on the precipice lady. EA escalate in an exponential sort of way. You have sexted which means that you fantasized about sleeping with a man(not all to bad). But then you acted on that fantasy and are now testing the waters to see if this gets Physical. Don't spout that garbage about he would never cheat. That's 100% wishful thinking. 
You need to come clean with your husband. You need to either switch jobs if it is impossible not to talk to this individual. If it is possible to not speak to this man ever again then stay at your job and stop talking to him. Either way you need to send him a NO Contact letter. 
The gist should be 
"I made a mistake, I am sorry for hurting my marriage and possibly hurting yours. This will be the last time I communicate with you, please do not call, email, or speak to me ever again.
"
After you send that letter you save it. Don't delete any messages between you and the OM. Take everything your phone with the sexting, any emails messages, and facebook messages straight to your husband. You tell him everything and show him everything. Because the more you hide, the longer you wait to tell the whole truth, and try to pretend that it wasn't that bad, is the longer your husband has to suffer. 

Be prepared for the fallout because if he is in a healthy state of mind. He is going to be hurting. For me, it was like having someone drive a spike into my heart and twisting. 
Do not let him sweep this under the rug. You make him go to a councilor because he may try to compartmentalize, or internalize everything, and that is beyond bad.
You need to get an Individual councilor that can explore why you did this? Why you couldn't tell that you were slipping into an Emotional Affair? How to help make your husband realize that you still love him. 

You need to understand that you actions could end your marriage. I can guarantee if you try to handle this on your own that it will only get worse. If you try to hide this, it will only get worse. The only decent course of action here is to come clean, and do everything in your power to save what you have nearly tossed in the trash.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Peaches, I don't think you should abandon this site, you're marriage is in serious trouble and nothing short of absolute bluntness and facing the reality of the situation will fix it. You need to stay here and talk this out with people who are offering you their time, free, with no ulterior motive other than to help you see more clearly what you need to see.

Many people have lost family members and do not resort to infidelity, to do so is the exception, not the rule. _"Yes I made a mistake in the midst of the worse grief I have been thru thus far in my life."_, we're sorry for your loss, but you must understand, that isn't an excuse and even though you say you know it isn't an excuse, the fact that you mentioned it means you somehow think it is; that isn't healthy.

Keep posting here and get your full story out, take the hard knocks and work through this, you'll be better off because of it and hopefully you'll find a way to disclose to your spouse and work through the problems (and you have BIG problems that won't go away on their own). If it will help I'll refrain from commenting on your thread. Good luck.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> According to licensed therapists and the chaplins in the grief counseling groups I am STILL in, adultry is not that unheard of in those types of situations.


Red my signature. It's ridiculous. Do you feel any relief in this "many people does" line of thinking? Nice to remove personal responsability, given it "happens often".
I suggest you to drop that therapist who is just patting your back, helping you to cope but hindering your grow! She/he's enabling. Pick another one who make you fully accountable for your actions, who help you dig why you cheat repeteadly, to check you boundaires, who help you "affair proof" yourself. It will pay forever.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Peaches any updates?


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

badbane said:


> Peaches any updates?


Peaches wanted advice...then didn't want advice:scratchhead:

I guess she didn't hear what she wanted to hear.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

You want real advice?
you have 3 choices

1.Tell the OM that you told your husband abuot the sexting and he is monitoring your cell phone moving forward. Just send that one text right now and it will save you and your husband a life of hell.

That is the easy way out for you. He will stop, and you can hide your secret.

2. You want the real answer. Sit your husband down and tell him about this and then send that same text from above while your husband watches you send it.

That is the right way to do it.


3. Keep doing what you are doing and you will soon want to die.
I am sitting in hell right now. I have been suicidal at times, and I hate my whole world. DO NOT allow yourself to put your husband, family, friends, where I am today.

Those are the three options you have since the suggestion to get divorced seems offensive to you.

you are getting good advice. It is just being delivered to you in a manner that you don't like.

Please stop what you are doing and then post on here that you have taken action.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Cubby said:


> Peaches wanted advice...then didn't want advice:scratchhead:
> 
> I guess she didn't hear what she wanted to hear.


Maybe she wanted to hear "there is nothing wrong with a little innocent flirting"


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Peaches2012 said:


> I just wanted to post once more on here and then I am done. I spoke too soon about no judgement because there were a couple of posts that made me want to retract that statement. First off, Tony55, I did not think you were sarcastic-I thought you were rude and judgemental. Yes I made a mistake in the midst of the worse grief I have been thru thus far in my life. According to licensed therapists and the chaplins in the grief counseling groups I am STILL in, adultry is not that unheard of in those types of situations. Telling me to get divorced so next time I can sleep with whoever I want and not worry is not only rude but extreamly callous. I came on here for advice from people who I a assumed were not perfect and who had been where I am now at and can be of some help. If I wanted to be judged and rediculed I could have gone to any other site besides this one. I wont be posting anymore and will keep my problems where they belong, obviously, in PRIVATE. My bad. Perhaps though next time you may want to think about how you come across to people who are hurting badly and opened up honestly to get some honest feedback. that will be the last time I try THAT.


WIthout trying to get banned here I am just saying the tone of this pot. The best way I can think describe it is. "OH NO YOU JUST DID NOT SAY THAT MMMHMMH" Speaks volumes to me. It was almost as if she was looking for an easy way out. I hope she is still lurking. 
But just she should be outraged really. I mean the OM is just feeding her lines while she is in an emotionally compromised state. Which to me is immoral,unethical, and evil. This guy is acting like a predator. He sees weakness as opportunity. I just hope peaches doesn't fall for it.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

I wish she did come back so she could really read things from those who have been there. 

My STBEXH cheated on me with a co-worker who had started the whole talking daily thing with him for a year. I did not like it and smelled her intentions from the get-go and told him. Instead of stopping all communications, like you have been recommended here, he just hid it and did it at times I was working or running around our 2 year old. This was not the first time she did this with a co-worker and what did the father of my child gain from this? He no longer works there, lost friends, his family (obviously not his parents and brothers, they do not talk to me and have alos abandoned their only grandson and nephew) and the respect of many who thought the world of him. He went from having a loving home and friends to sitting on his childhood bed at his mother's house, a grown man! I tell you, a little counseling at the right time would have helped him a lot, cause let's face it, we all have a baggage to deal with that may throw us into the wrong direction but as adults we need to look at ourselves and accept we are not perfect and seeking help is not a bad thing, it just makes us better. He never wanted to go to therapy and now he does.

It has been almost 11 months and me and my son are doing great and past all the pain (after therapy, reading, rediscovering myself, spiritual counseling, new friends, hobbies, support groups and a life coach). Now he spends his days begging to come back and I can not believe a word he says. Anyone who is in this predicament, be it Peaches or another person, read the stories of those who have been hurt the most and ask yourselves if having an affair with someone who is not even thinking about your wellbeing (cause they will not be with you when you realize what you have lost and are all alone) is worth the sacrifice and pain.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

DevistatedDad said:


> Maybe she wanted to hear "there is nothing wrong with a little innocent flirting"



You are on the money. She was given excuses the first time and she knew she could not go back to them. She hoped to get it here. I hope H finds out about both and make the right decision.


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