# Reasons you got for sex drying up?



## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

For those of us who found the sex dry up 2-3 years (or whatever) into a relationship, what were the reasons the LD partner gave for stopping to continue having sex?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I got no reasons only excuses. 5 years post divorce and I no longer really care, we have remained amicable and I did HEAPS of self help stuff. The fall out is still there but I now look back on the days where I just wanted answers and think "meh" I don't care.


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## iri (May 7, 2015)

"I don't feel like a man."
"I'm tired." (He says as he plays videogames.)
"I have a lot of things on my mind."
"I will want it when I get the stress of my back!"


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

It's at least one of many according to the accumulation of discussion here.

No longer attracted

Honeymoon biochemical ****tail wore off naturally calming to normal state of not very horny naturally after new love wears off

Hormonal 

Situational 

Physical 

Self esteem issues 

Affair

Lazy

Don't give a **** 

Mental 

Abuse

Figure out which one or towo or three and take the long road or bail. No one will fault you either way. It misery. 

I was lucky. I took my wife for granted. I got the last minute notification and spent years putting it back together by making her a priority again. It isn't easy but I have a child and I want to be with my wife at the moment so I am fixing all I can.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

Never got an excuse or reason. Just got rejected a LOT the first 32 years when I initiated. Now, the past 2 years, has been TOTAL rejection. 

Since June, this past year, there's not been one hug or kiss. She seems to have gotten "nicer" to me though. I gave up.
We have a weekend (Memorial wknd) motorcycle trip planned. She does enjoy the m/c, a LOT. I'm going to try to figure out/ask what's up.

I have told BOTH my daughters (ages 20 & 26) to be sure to take care of their boys, and why.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

"It is normal" is all I got. I am going to educate my sons differently.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Mostly I got excuses and rejections. After a while I became numb to it, and didn't even expect she'd say yes. At that point I mostly stopped asking.

When I'd try to talk to her about the lack of sex or other marriage issues, she insisted we had a better than average marriage. We didn't fight, and aside from an intimacy standpoint, sexual and emotional, we were very compatible. Hearing all the other sad stories of sexless marriages, I figured I wasn't likely to do better if I left, and because we had kids I couldn't bring myself to break up the family for lack of sex. Boy was I dumb!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Like Holland, there were no reasons, just excuses from my ex. And I was obsessed with sex, in her opinion. Right after she said "I do" she began saying "I don't." Damn you, wedding cake!

Now, the only way sex is drying up is if we run out of lube!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He never gave an excuse. However he constantly ranted on about how I was terrible and never did anything right.

If I cooked a meal with a sauce, sauces are a waste of calories. If I cooked one without a sauce, it was too dry. If I cleaned the kitchen, I should have cleaned the bedroom.

Of course it did not matter that I supported him through medical school and residence, that I did almost 100% of everything at home and with our child.

Like most people who withhold sex, he was not LD. He was cheating all over the place. People who appear to be LD are usually not LD. They just do not want sex with their spouse. The best thing to do if it cannot be fixed in a short period of time is to leave them. If you stay, it's on you for staying.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Like most people who withhold sex, he was not LD. He was cheating all over the place. People who appear to be LD are usually not LD. They just do not want sex with their spouse. The best thing to do if it cannot be fixed in a short period of time is to leave them. If you stay, it's on you for staying.


:iagree:

My wife was quite sexual before we met and while we were dating. So when things dried up just prior to the wedding I started making excuses for her. She was stressed about the wedding (for good reason). Then she was stressed about her grad school work. She begged off of morning sex with complaints of a backache or other such things. At night she'd say she was tired, or feeling a bit burnt out, etc. I quickly learned Saturday night at 10 pm was the only time she'd say yes, and then only if she'd had a drink or two. On Saturdays she didn't want to (most Saturdays), she would arrange to suddenly go to bed early, or make an excuse to stay up late if I suggested we go to bed.

When this continued beyond the first few months, I reacted by thinking I must have done or be doing something to make her like this. As you said, it is on me for staying when I should have pulled the plug by the end of the first year. Though I had my own issues and likely would have gotten into another screwed up relationship.

Now I look back and identify 3 or 4 likely affairs, but no way to prove any of them. She wasn't LD, just within the marriage (CSA issues galore). So where did that sexuality get expressed?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

brownmale said:


> For those of us who found the sex dry up 2-3 years (or whatever) into a relationship, what were the reasons the LD partner gave for stopping to continue having sex?


It took longer, but same result. My LD wife told me:

She was tired

told me she was exhausted with all of the kids and housework.

told me she was saving the kinky stuff for our old age, even the stuff she promised me before we were married (BJ's).

what I wanted to do was disgusting

She was sorry, but she was a sexual failure and I should feel sorry for her.​
What I learned in marriage counseling and sex theapy was that my wife was quite sexually inhibited. That my wife was very, very angry at me for many reasons. 

The overarching reason was that she felt I didn't love her anymore. What we both learned was that meant that she didn't FEEL loved and cherished anymore. My languages of love (Chapmand 5 LL) are touch and praise or words of affirmation. When I showed her that I loved her in my native languages, she felt I was pawing at her and trying to butter her up, just to get in her pants.

What I learned was that her love languages were acts of service and quality time. So when I worked late to be a good provider (so we could afford a cleaner and other care) and didn't come home to dinner on time, she was mad. Her act of service of making me a hot dinner that ended up being ruined was as much an insult as her sexually rejecting me. When I wasn't home to eat dinner with her and talk to her about her day, her quality time was also ruined and she didn't feel loved.

Ultimately, I learned how to make her feel loved in her love languages. That and the help of the sex therapist who pointed out to her that we were headed for divorce unless she had sex with me on a regular basis and only she could prevent the divorce so my wife needed to decide what she wanted and then live with the consequences; ultimately allowed us to reconcile and rebuild our marriage.

I wish you luck. What I have learned was that I was definately part of the problem, as much as my wife. When I changed myself, she had an example that change was possible and she finally got the unconditional love she needed. That and some great outside help, allowed her to bravely try to change herself.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> ...*Like most people who withhold sex, he was not LD.* He was cheating all over the place. *People who appear to be LD are usually not LD. They just do not want sex with their spouse.* The best thing to do if it cannot be fixed in a short period of time is to leave them. If you stay, it's on you for staying.


Great observations! I do disagree with a few of the things around the edge. 

An LD person may or may not be cheating. My LD wife was not cheating. She just didn't want to be sexual and it made her confront her post children body self image issues. Even now its lights off to have sex or if the sun is up, covers up over us.

Sometimes if both parties are willing to try to save a marriage, it can be saved. One can't force the other. Both have to want it for things to heal.

Still, my experience is that often the "LD-like" person (as you said) just doesn't want to have sex with their partner. There are exceptions such as people with medical conditions and one medications that kill libido.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

She had cramps, was ill, didn't want to sweat right after getting a shower, was waiting for a phone call from daughter, was too upset cause her daughter wasn't home and it was almost 3 am, just changed the sheets, and some others. 

What bothered me was that it all changed when she got horny during her period(yuk)or was feeling needy.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> She had cramps, was ill, *didn't want to sweat right after getting a shower*, was waiting for a phone call from daughter, was too upset cause her daughter wasn't home and it was almost 3 am, *just changed the sheets*, and some others.
> 
> What bothered me was that it all changed when she got horny during her period(yuk)or was feeling needy.


I hate those excuses. Especially when she has a shower right after coming home from work. It's basically a no for the entire night.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> ...*Like most people who withhold sex, he was not LD.* He was cheating all over the place. *People who appear to be LD are usually not LD. They just do not want sex with their spouse.* The best thing to do if it cannot be fixed in a short period of time is to leave them. If you stay, it's on you for staying.





Young at Heart said:


> Great observations! I do disagree with a few of the things around the edge.
> 
> An LD person may or may not be cheating. My LD wife was not cheating. She just didn't want to be sexual and it made her confront her post children body self image issues. Even now its lights off to have sex or if the sun is up, covers up over us.


How can you disagree with something that I did not say? I did not say anything about actual LD people cheating.

I think that I was pretty clear that I was not talking about those who are actually LD. I was talking about those who are not LD but chose to not have sex with their spouse.

Statistics form actually studies done with thousands of couples show that most people who make a marriage sexless/near-sexless are not LD. And most are cheating and/or using porn instead of having sex with their spouse.

The issue that I was point out is that a large percentage of the time, the person who appears to be LD is not LD at all.


Young at Heart said:


> Sometimes if both parties are willing to try to save a marriage, it can be saved. One can't force the other. Both have to want it for things to heal.
> 
> Still, my experience is that often the . * "LD-like".* person (as you said) just doesn't want to have sex with their partner. There are exceptions such as people with medical conditions and one medications that kill libido.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I hate those excuses. Especially when she has a shower right after coming home from work. It's basically a no for the entire night.


They are all excuses. Some might be good reasons not to have sex.

I hated not being able to have sex with her for six to eight weeks because she had elective surgery. Then, she wanted me to be something different when she was healed, like I wanted her elective surgery as bad as she did and so she would see a huge change in how I complimented and hoped I would throw myself at her. At least, that's the way it seemed. 

I could say exactly what I thought or meant and it was ignored because, no man would tell the truth or what he really meant. That cut into our sex life because she put pressure on me to be someone I was not. She was so delusional, she thought all men did it, as a matter of genetics. I loved the whole package, not her kitty, like she thought most men did. 

She made lots of covert contracts.

Edit: And, that was before her daughter moved in. Wouldn't it have been easier to get that with her daughter there to help? Wouldn't her daughter want to help her? NO she was not there to help. It was up to me and her mother. And what was I supposed to do for six weeks, huh? She chose to have that surgery. It wasn't necessary for her health. It was cosmetic. 

There.....Right Mother Effing THERE, I had reason to cheat and many more. KMFA


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

brownmale said:


> what were the reasons the LD partner gave for stopping to continue having sex?


* too tired
* too early
* too late
* I'm not nice enough
* I'm too nice and she just wants to hug
* dishes not clean
* laundry not folded
* not on vacation
* on vacation and just want to enjoy it without having to do THAT
* medication 
* I said something weeks or years ago that upset her
* because I felt hurt with her refusal she is justified in continued refusal
* her not feeling sexy about herself, nor wanting to
* her own body image issues
* her choosing to believe the lies her religion and parents told her about sex
* she superimposed her friend's marriage issues onto ours (they were having sex issues, she is empathetic so therefore we have to have those same issues).
* "I just don't want to"
* she thinks I'm a sex addict for wanting frequent, varied, and emotionally fulfilling sex with my own wife. Therefore she doesn't want to give a "drunk a drink" by having sex with me.
* brainwashing by unlicensed therapist

These are some, I'm sure there are more.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

committed_guy said:


> * too tired
> * too early
> * too late
> * I'm not nice enough
> ...



Most of them are just.....absurd and lame


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

"I'm not attracted to you"


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I look at all these excuses and think the spouse who stays really has to bear some personal responsibility for making that choice. If you stay, it's on you.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I look at all these excuses and think the spouse who stays really has to bear some personal responsibility for making that choice. If you stay, it's on you.


It's not as simple as that. When you factor kids and tangled assets, then it's not easy to walk away. Kids by far the biggest reason because as much as people want intimacy, not everyone wants to become part time parents in order to get it. 

All the more reason why it's imperative to go into a marriage with your eyes wide open.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

1. saving it for marriage
2. pissed that I went on military deployment
3. stress/fatigue from the job
4. back pain
5. leg pain
6. headache
7. I work too many hours
8. I don't work enough around the home
9. Once, about four years ago, she had car trouble and called my cell while I was on patrol. I didn't receive the call, so she's still pissed.
10. Lots of married couples don't have sex
11. not enough non-sexual touching
12. too much non-sexual touching
13. excessively frequent periods
14. (fill in the blank)


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Wafting back and forth through 23 years of marriage, I have come to the conclusion that if I want good sex, I have to earn it.
Not talking about contracts, I'm talking about being the kind of man that she WANTS to have sex with. I have to be a good leader, keep my emotions in check, stay fit and trim, dress well, clean up well, be a good father, provide for the family and converse with her frequently. (almost forgot, boink her like I'm James Friggen Bond every time.) If I do all those things, she's good to go. If I don't, the sex will drop off.

She married a good looking, energetic, charismatic Man, AND if I want great sex till the day I die, I MUST continue to be that man she married 23 years ago.

Very simple, yet incredibly difficult to actually pull off.

Edit: The interesting part is that when I do all of the above, my wife ups her own game to try to match me. The more I display these traits the more she wants to prove to me that SHE is the only women I want or need. i.e. the payoff is worth the effort.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> It's not as simple as that. When you factor kids and tangled assets, then it's not easy to walk away. Kids by far the biggest reason because as much as people want intimacy, not everyone wants to become part time parents in order to get it.
> 
> 
> 
> All the more reason why it's imperative to go into a marriage with your eyes wide open.



It is as simple as that. Whatever the reasons or excuses, staying is a personal choice one has to own. Personal responsibility.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> It is as simple as that. Whatever the reasons or excuses, staying is a personal choice one has to own. Personal responsibility.


Sure it's a personal choice, but far from an easy one to make. Kids greatly complicate the situation - especially if one of the kids has physical or mental ailments that would make a split that much harder on them. 

I sympathize with your thoughts though. I think I'd pull the trigger if I find myself being starved for intimacy. But my kids are getting older too.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Sure it's a personal choice, but far from an easy one to make. Kids greatly complicate the situation - especially if one of the kids has physical or mental ailments that would make a split that much harder on them.
> 
> I sympathize with your thoughts though. I think I'd pull the trigger if I find myself being starved for intimacy. But my kids are getting older too.


Our thinking is dominanted by what we find "acceptable" by today's standards. We just need to remind ourselves that (i) this doesn't hold true in all societies (ii) this hasn't been held as valid at all points of time!


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Oh, there were lots:

too pregnant
it hurts too much
you aren't any good
too tired
too sensitive
didn't realize you wanted it
haven't recovered from last time
too messy
you're too grumpy
it's okay, you don't have to
made another commitment
forgot my Pill
the kids might interrupt
it takes too long
don't like condoms
there's too much other stuff that needs doing
you don't care about me, only you
doctor said not to
you're just using me
changing hormones
thought your skill would improve but it hasn't
thought you'd slow down over time too

Sorry, I guess that's a blend of reasons for rejection as well as for drying up.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I look at all these excuses and think the spouse who stays really has to bear some personal responsibility for making that choice. If you stay, it's on you.


This is a really good point.

I have had several decision points in my marriage where I could have, and should have called it quits. The only thing holding me back was that the long-term financial outlook would not be good if I did then. 

I let my wife sign up for too much student loans. We refinanced our house and in doing so rolled a lot of our consumer debt into the equity of our home. 

We could not longer amicably separate without committing financial suicide at the same time. Instead I faked that I wanted to work on things so that we could use her new career's income to help pay towards her student loans.

I'm about 2 years away from breaking even now. Hopefully someone else will learn from my mistakes.


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

He didn't seem to have an interest and I didn't like being the pursuer so we just stopped having sex and did housework and watched TV instead. Sex became something that we just didn't do anymore.


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> thought your skill would improve but it hasn't


That's cold.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

committed_guy said:


> * too tired
> * too early
> * too late
> * I'm not nice enough
> ...





Hopeful Cynic said:


> Oh, there were lots:
> 
> too pregnant
> it hurts too much
> ...


While many of these excuses are pretty bad, the bolded are just incredibly insensitive and hurtful and if your spouses can't see that I do not envy you in the least.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I may be mistaken, but it sure seems like women's libido goes up at the same age that men's goes down. Always wondered how true that is and what the reasons for it were. I guess men tend to look back on their lives and some have trouble with their accomplishments feeling worthwhile. I guess combining that with new health problems they never had before, a feeling of not being able to do the things they could and aches and pains they never had before can work on a man's feelings of how do I put this...being a man? 

At the same time, women seem to be the most comfortable in their skin and have accepted who they are and what they have in front of them. 

I'm sure this isn't true for all women or men, because I know lots of aberrations. Those are usually the men who've really made it and are secure within their accomplishments, and are fairly physically healthy, haven't lost their hair...you know, the American dream as is represented by having friends who respect and admire you to some extent, and some general things we all hope to accomplish for security in old age, including children with children of their own. 

I may be way off here, but I keep seeing a pattern, whether it's just my attempt to see one or it's really there.


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

intheory said:


> We had sex yesterday; first time in 3 weeks. So, right now, life is good.
> 
> The usual reasons the last few years:
> 
> ...


How old is your husband? 

I'm 46 and my husband is 48. He hasn't been interested in sex for the past 10 years. But recently things have been good.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Some I've heard --

- The kids are awake (in our bed!)
- My mum is in the next room.
- Your dad is awake (and we have to pass his room to enter our bedroom)
- Too tired
- I'm angry with you (no reasons given)
- I want to divorce you (no follow up)
- My friends have all done better than me
- Made a mistake marrying you
- I've become a selfish person after living with you all
- Want to watch television ...

The most hurting sex I've ever had was when the TV was playing and I was supposed to be having sex while she watched it!


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

brownmale said:


> Some I've heard --
> 
> - The kids are awake (in our bed!)
> - My mum is in the next room.
> ...


 That's harsh to say the least


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I f^cking hate you


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Last year out McMansion was assaulted by vermin. Two field mice and a few wool hungry moths to be precise. Wife told me she's not in the mood for sex because she's too stressed out by the vermin.

She was also quite upset when Saint Romney lost in 2012...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Damn you Mitt!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kingsfan said:


> I hate those excuses. Especially when *she has a shower right after coming home from work.* It's basically a no for the entire night.


Uhhh... you might have bigger problems.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

I got "The Talk" about 3 years ago. I still remember when it happened. I came home from work, kissed her, began feeling amorous and "expressed" it, and then suddenly..."We need to talk..."

*world comes crashing down*

She told me that she has lost any kind of sexual feelings completely. As a STOOPID male, I immediately took that answer as "I am no longer attracted to you."

So I packed on another 15lbs of muscle in an effort to kickstart her libido again...no dice.

I stripped for her...no dice. Nekkid pics...no dice.

I was convinced that she no longer wanted me...and I strayed. I take full responsibility for it, and here's why...

She was being honest and truthful with me. But giving my "disposition" and my distrust of women and their motives, I simply refused to believe what she was saying. I mean...how is it possible that the woman I love and married is no longer finds me attractive when I'm getting propositioned by other women, right? Wrong. there are valid reasons.

After almost destroying our marriage FOR A SECOND TIME MIND YOU, and getting my sorry ass into therapy I've come to realize that I can trust what she says. She was trying to be honest with me and what did I do?

I disrespected her, I cheated on her, and I almost pissed away a good thing with a good woman...correction...a wonderful woman. I still beat myself up over that.

I really should have just trusted her and talked out our issues. Instead...I sought solace from the attention of other women.

Needless to say, tonight when we spoke as she's in Puerto Rico, we closed our phone conversation with me saying to her "Sweetheart, when we skyped earlier, I found myself missing you very much and I just want you to know that I want you in my life, as my wife, until I die." to which she replied "That's the plan."

Not sure if this adds much to the convo, but sometimes when our spouses tell us why something is happening...It may not be because they're not into us or they're having an affair...It might be a plea for help and understanding and maybe we just need to set aside our selfish feelings and...

*Hear them (before it is too late).*


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Damn you Mitt!



Funny about Mitt - my employer was owned at a time by a vulture fund similar to Mitt's and later acquired another company from Bain. Let's just say that all the nookie in the world would not be enough to make me think well of someone wanting to do this on a national scale...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

john117 said:


> Last year out McMansion was assaulted by vermin. Two field mice and a few wool hungry moths to be precise. Wife told me she's not in the mood for sex because she's too stressed out by the vermin.
> 
> She was also quite upset when Saint Romney lost in 2012...


The GOP gets blamed for everything else. Why not?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> The GOP gets blamed for everything else. Why not?



Not the GOP, just vulture funds.

So, let's see who can top moths and field mice.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> The GOP gets blamed for everything else. Why not?


Does someone need a hug? Come here big guy. *grin*


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

john117 said:


> Last year out McMansion was assaulted by vermin. Two field mice and a few wool hungry moths to be precise. Wife told me she's not in the mood for sex because she's too stressed out by the vermin.
> 
> She was also quite upset when Saint Romney lost in 2012...


Oh man, I'm with her on that one, mice running around would be not conducive to sex here. 

Other people being around would not stop me but buggered if I could relax with mice around, yuk.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Holland said:


> Oh man, I'm with her on that one, mice running around would be not conducive to sex here.
> 
> 
> 
> Other people being around would not stop me but buggered if I could relax with mice around, yuk.



Bummer we did not have the kitten then - he looks to be a good mouser


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

intheory said:


> He is 54. I am 49.
> 
> It's been like this for 3-5 years; I can't be exactly sure, 'cause the sex had been dwindling for a while before I really noticed and started trying to do something about it and talk to H about it.
> 
> Glad things are good for you now.


Stress is a major sex-killer. Start with that first. My husband refused to get his T level tested for a while but when he went they said he was "low-normal." 

Stress and anger at ones spouse is the key IMHO.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

john117 said:


> So, let's see who can top moths and field mice.


One of our daughters was conceived in a 300 year old country manor house in England. We could hear mice running around behind the wooden paneling in the bedroom. It was rather charming, in a we-don't-own-this-house kind of a way.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I was hoping for ghosts - mice are expected in places like that


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

john117 said:


> I was hoping for ghosts - mice are expected in places like that


That property was owned by Ann Bolen's family in the distant past. Probably more than a few ghosts, though I never experienced anything odd there. My mother and step-father owned the house for several decades and never mentioned any ghost stories.

We did have a ghost in our brand new home in New Mexico. Neighbors joked that the subdivision must have been built on an old Indian burial ground. Odd things happened there.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Brigit said:


> Stress is a major sex-killer. Start with that first. My husband refused to get his T level tested for a while but when he went they said he was "low-normal."
> 
> Stress and anger at ones spouse is the key IMHO.


Agree fully with you!

On stress and anger. Specially anger.

A lot of modern women tend to get very angry after some years of marriage. Never understood why. Specially as I've been trying so hard! 

Is that the cause?


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> One of our daughters was conceived in a 300 year old country manor house in England. We could hear mice running around behind the wooden paneling in the bedroom. It was rather charming, in a we-don't-own-this-house kind of a way.


MIce and rats are easy to finish off if you have a good, traditional trap (available in some countries). Or a cat.

Sometimes I feel women put men to the checking-how-much-you-love-me test.

One of my college sweethearts wanted to see what I would have done if the vehicle had run into her; it didn't. She wasn't too satisfied with my answer (because I felt she was testing me) and it showed... a few days later!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Brigit said:


> Stress is a major sex-killer. Start with that first. My husband refused to get his T level tested for a while but when he went they said he was "low-normal."
> 
> Stress and anger at ones spouse is the key IMHO.


Not for everyone, Mr H has a stressful job and other parts of his life, sex is a relaxant for him. Being stressed does not kill his desire.
We have recently found out his is lowish T but sex is still a daily event here.

Anger, well that is a killer for me. I cannot stand angry men, I cannot stand myself when I am angry. If there has been anger here then there is no sex. This has forced both of us to communicate like adults instead of getting angry. Sex is more important that who is right so we sort our stuff out them root.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

- I'll be late for work - when attempting to give BJ in the am
- No response at all, pretend that no attempt is being made on my part
- You intimidate me
- Sex is not everything
-walk away
- not coming to bed
- I need a shower
- will be late
- we don't have time
-


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Where_are_we why does she feel intimidated by you..?


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Other 'reasons' I've got: 

* My period (later found both of us mostly enjoy 'period' sex)
* Your short pants are dirty
* You need to take care of your personal hygene (never an issue while dating)
* You're a bad kisser (for refusing to kiss)
* I'm tired
* But we just did it two days ago
* Declining to get up from sleep


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

someone said stress and anger, and yup that had fit my marriage to a T, on his end. And also like someone else said, he wasn't LD but was withholding.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

And just to point out that there's no one right answer to all this, stress and anger were big turn-ONS for my ex. I was expected to have sex purely to be stress-relief, with no thought for my own fun. And never was my ex more unattractive than when stomping around the house complaining and throwing things and acting like a whiny selfish child having a tantrum. I felt absolutely no desire for ME from my ex. I was treated with as much value as the aspirin you might take for a headache, or the fast-food burger you might wolf down because you missed lunch.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Uhhh... you might have bigger problems.


Sorry to bump an old post, but haven't been to the forum in months apparently and just noticed this reply to my post.

No, I don't have bigger problems. If she was ****ing around I'd know. I was cheated on a lot in my marriage and I have become quite aware of the red flags. She'd have to be a damn ninja to get the wool over my eyes. 



brownmale said:


> Other 'reasons' I've got:
> 
> * My period (later found both of us mostly enjoy 'period' sex)
> * Your short pants are dirty
> ...


The number of times I've heard this n my life is staggering.


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

I have heard many of these but thanks to my wife being sick we have had a lot of conversations with doctors and counsellors about this. It seems that many people are suffering from imbalances in their brain chemistry - low serotonin for example, many women in particular suffer from this one, but men can have it too. Guess what counters it naturally? New love. That first 30-90days when you feel high from falling in love or infatuation or even that immediate one night stand attraction. Without question in most of these scenarios, as soon as that honeymoon phase or initial burst wears off they will be the same with that person as they were with anyone before. So getting some "strange" seems to be all that revs these people up sexually. The rest of the excuses come from BS or a lack of self-awareness on their part.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

But, you just got it yesterday. You are a pervert.

Why?!? Because I'm attracted to my wife and want to have sex with her? Good grief... and obviously the usage of the word "pervert" is incorrect. She means to say "nymphomaniac." 

It's not like we have sex every day or even every other day. Usually, it's twice a week... and nine times out of ten, it's a duty BJ with a HJ finish. Then, afterwards she says, "Can I go to bed now?" Then, proceeds to play Candy Crush saga or watch movies on her ipad.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

- Sleep is more important than sex
- I need to drink to have sex
- Kids might wake up
- I'm crampy
- I don't want to drink because I don't want to wake up with a headache
- I'm tired (as she plays Candy Crush until the wee hours)

There's more, but that's it for now.


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Pulling a saying out from the old days, "Men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love"...but in today's gender blurred role play I think most LD were people who gave sex to get love based on all the responses I read through this thread.

My favorite, which I have heard too, I love you but am not attracted to you anymore....translation, "I don't love myself so no matter what you do for me it will never be enough and so physical intimacy is a crazy idea"

From an evolutionary standpoint, not sure you should ever trust an LD person unless they are doing everything they can to overcome LD and rejoin you....logically their LD is counter to good health....of course some variation exists in any population....


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Global warming, capitalism, WalMart, the GOP, class warfare, racism, and "I f^cking hate you".


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Personal said:


> WalMart is pretty harsh!


I don't know, from the pictures I've seen of "the people of Walmart" it would put me off sex too.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

coupdegrace said:


> But, you just got it yesterday. You are a pervert.
> 
> Why?!? Because I'm attracted to my wife and want to have sex with her? Good grief... and obviously the usage of the word "pervert" is incorrect. She means to say "nymphomaniac."
> 
> It's not like we have sex every day or even every other day. Usually, it's twice a week... and* nine times out of ten, it's a duty BJ with a HJ finish. Then, afterwards she says, "Can I go to bed now?" *Then, proceeds to play Candy Crush saga or watch movies on her ipad.


I have refused these sorts of situations now (not that BJs are on the table much anyway, but when sex is offered or done this way I usually just say no). I get less of course, but I'd rather have sex with someone that wants to have sex with me, not someone who treats having sex with me like it's a ****ing chore.


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