# Lost in my marriage



## Slolow (Mar 7, 2016)

I need some outside opinions. I have been married 8 years next month. I work outside of the home full time. My husband works from home and has done so for over 5 year's. His work is slow and therefore majority of the finances rely on my income. I made the mistake of saying to family member that I needed some extra money to buy tires for our family car. Well the word I set off my husband royally..so much that he yelled at me all the way home and basically broke down everything that he disliked about me and he states that i want to be single becuase I used the word * I needed *instead of *we needed *. It was nothing intentional and the family knows things have been tight for us lately. He says everyone is thinking he doesn't pull his weight and looking at him funny because of my slip of the tongue. Im just at a loss there is so much more but maybe i should consider the possibility that the end is near.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Nothing worse than a deadbeat with an attitude.

Do you have kids?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Not justifying the behavior because it is borderline abusive, but I would imagine his self esteem is pretty low over not contributing. Then when it got out that you needed money for tires, it likely hammered it home.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## peacefully (Nov 13, 2009)

It sounds like he is insecure. Men like to be perceived as the provider, and he has not been fullfilling his role. Instead of having the awareness of looking at his own feelings, he is projecting onto you. Basically he is blaming you for his own shortcomings. 
If I was in your shoes I would like to say to my husband: " I know that its hard that we are short on money, It's hard on me too- as I feel the weight of carrying the brunt of the finances. It's hard to ask for help, and I asked for help from my family. I understand that you don't like my choice of words, but that does not give you an excuse to yell at me. I do not deserve that".

But, that 's easier said than done!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP I would bet your husband would have been offended no matter how you worded it. Were you directly asking to borrow money for tires? Were you being evasive and hoping someone would offer the money to buy tires? Was asking your family for financial help to buy tires discussed with your husband? He probably feels insecure and if he was blind sided by your comments it probably made him feel worse. 

Regardless he had no right to scream and belittle at you, that accomplishes nothing, he was hurt so he wanted to make sure you hurt as well. If his business is slow he needs to find another job, he can work a regular job and run his business on the side until things pick up.


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## Slolow (Mar 7, 2016)

You guys are so awesome. .thanks for the comments. I appreciate being able to vent. I didn't think anyone would respond to my issues


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## Slolow (Mar 7, 2016)

I do believe hes hurting and depressed and all.. but im feeling really down right now. I dont at this point even know why we are together. I cant remember the last time he said anything positive to me ..hes complained about everything under the sun from my cooking, my messy glove comparment in my car, the fact that I don't meditate daily like he does, the fact that he has no friends to hang out with and he is home with our five year,old daily and we only have one car so,he cant ever go anywhere until i get home but he has nowhere to go because his friends are losers ..my fault too...oh and all his family is another state....etc etc..i asked him today if he wants a divorce. I told him id get him a ticket to his home state when i get paid. .


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

This is simple. I've been there when I wasn't making enough $$. As a man our ability to earn $ is a huge part of us feeling like a success or failure. 
Feed him food, tell him he is the greatest and screw his brains out. Do these things often. Problem solved. He need to feel like a man


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

jdesey said:


> This is simple. I've been there when I wasn't making enough $$. As a man our ability to earn $ is a huge part of us feeling like a success or failure.


This part is true. If he is not making enough to feel successful, perhaps he should consider finding another job.



jdesey said:


> Feed him food, tell him he is the greatest and screw his brains out. Do these things often. Problem solved. He need to feel like a man


I guess that you went on every thread you could today and posted this tidbit of advice. 

Being a man, this sounds great and all, but what does it do for her? Doing this says that everything he does and says to her is okay and he can keep doing it. So he feels good and she feels like $hit. Not the best way to build a relationship.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Your husband is very insecure. What you did made him feel less than a man and hurt his pride. He could fix that though by getting a better job that pays more so that he no longer will feel insecure. That is what I did. I know far too many men who are supported by their wives and yet refuse to let their wives do anything that reminds them of that. One guy I knew would rather buy his kids toys from yard sales than to let his wife pay for them. He over compensated by buying motorcycles, vintage cars and all sorts of man toys from what little he earned but never sought more work. I wish I could find a woman to support me. I would not mind it at all. I have been working since I as 14 and worked long and hard. It would have been great to have a wife that made more than me. However, when we needed more money to pay the bills I rose to the occasion and started as a messenger and now own 25% of the company through a lot of hard work and personal sacrifice.


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