# So much circumstantial evidence



## daddy of twins (Sep 30, 2010)

Is this enough to know she is cheating with her boss?

protects cell phone from me (ie always has it with her or in her bathroom charging)
when I asked to see texts, she flipped and told me they were all deleted. Showed me a blank screen. Became so anxious she could not hold down food for weeks.
changed her work email password when I looked in it and found she has seen a lawyer.
never wore perfume, but now is wearing it and seems to be trying to hide the fact.
takes work trips with him.
I know he is in a marriage he "wishes was open"
he has been cited with sexual harassment recently
has hit on another girl at work while on a work trip
they text each other at all hours supposedly on work topics
she works from home and speaks to him on the phone for nearly and hour.
after she mentioned thinking of separation, we had unusually high sexual life, then it abrupt stopped for over two months until now.
she has told me I am free to have sex outside of marriage.
we are sleeping separate beds.
she denies it and says they are just friends.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

She is cheating. Sorry. Those are all classic symptoms and her words are all standard script coming from a cheater whether male or female.

Sorry.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Get a lawyer, and protect everything you have-an ugly war is about to commence!


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

She's so cheating! She told you it's ok for you to haev sex outside the marriage? Boss could be brainwashing her on that one...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

> > Quote:
> > Originally Posted by Deejo
> > Out of curiosity, what would you be doing differently if you discovered she was having an affair?
> 
> ...


Between the content of your other thread, and what you have shared here ... where there is smoke there is fire. Her behavior, freakouts, blaming you, increased sex, being indignant, is all right from the playbook. 
Don't bother to confront her. YOU WILL NOT get her to own it. It all still comes back to what YOU are prepared to do. What you want to do. If you don't at some point stake out and defend some boundaries, then this sh!t will simply go on, and in fact you are virtually giving it your blessing by allowing her to function within the framework of her family while avoiding intimacy with you and get it from another man. This thing will eat you alive if 'do nothing' or 'tolerate it' is your choice.

Nobody enjoys telling you that your wife is cheating.


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

Yeah looks like she is cheating. Go to affaircare and look at steps to take now.
Kind thoughts, stay strong.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

She is cheating. I don't know many monogamous married people who tell their spouse that it's okay to get sex outside of the marriage. That's because a) she does not want to have sex with two men and b) her boss probably told her that if she wants him, she needs to stop giving it to you.

You should definitely get a lawyer. Good luck.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And DO NOT, under any circumstances, confront the OM!


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Is the phone account in your name? If so, you can request a transcript of the text messages from the cell phone co. Also look into a key logger if she spends time on the pc late at night or has alone time on the pc away from you. Both will give you the evidence you seek. Best be prepared for the worst and have a plan on what you will do when you "Know"

Q~


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

OK, I read all of your posts. She is defenily-hiding something big, like Infidelity. She reminds me of my friend Amy. She dated a friend of her husbands that was a swinger “. The friend got her to go to a few parties, and "Have Fun". She did, and the guilt that followed was unbelievable. She was physically sick every time she got near her husband after that. This went on for months, until she lost her 2nd phone she was hiding. Her husband found it, found out what she has been up to. In the end the husband got out of the marriage it was too much for him, (like she did >7 guys). What happened after he found out was that he was sick for months after, Just like she was sick not telling him the truth. I think your wife has mental problems, and she tried to do something to jump-start her life. Like “I will just do this so there will be no stopping the divorce” But now she has a lot of regret of what she did. You need to confront her, and soon. Set her up Hire a PI or get that d*m phone, and read about how to sink it, or reading the memory card with special software. Ask the guys that sell the phones, look on the Internet about it. (Tell me the model; I may be able to help you with info on how to read it, even the deleted stuff).


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Cheating! Decide whether worth saving. Like Almostthere said, go to AffairCare's site and learn about what to do. 

She will obviously need to change jobs or have the boss reassigned (if possible) as banging her boss and staying at that job won't work for your marriage. 

Get the keylogging software and read her sim card to get the evidence. Cheaters will always deny deny deny until presented with the evidence. I had a phone bill with a call to the OM and my wife [email protected] her way out of that one. They get very creative.
Goodluck.


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## willzy (Aug 4, 2010)

To echo others, she is 100% cheating there is no doubt. Proceed accordingly.

I'm sorry for you. It's horrible and the next few months are going to wreck you.

But whichever way it ends up you will get through it and you will recover. Just remember that in your darker moments.

Plan should be:

- Get evidence
- Decide if you want to try to save the marriage
- If yes, follow the advice on these forums
- If no, be careful, protect yourself, but be true to the person that you are and do things with dignity and care for your children

If you do try to save it it's going to be a long hard road and she will not make things easy.

How important is her job to your family? Because your marriage is doomed if she stays working there.


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## daddy of twins (Sep 30, 2010)

more evidence:

found bag with her pants, tank top, and sweater in her car this morning. 

She said when she was getting sick all the time she took spare clothes in case she vomited on herself. She is no longer sick but I am.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Stop asking her. You may not want to accept what is happening, but you now know IT IS what has happened, or is happening. She cheated on you.

You cannot possibly imagine the depth or extent of the lies a wayward spouse will tell you to your face.

You want her to confess? Push divorce papers in her face. Get angry. Going for rational and calm, or pleading for the truth does not work, and will not work. Do what you need to do to deal with this, but do not count on the truth or anything remotely resembling honesty from her.

You can jump through hoops and get a semen analysis kit to swab her panties, a GPS tracker, or hire a PI. All any of those things will do is qualify what you already know.

Of any of the above, if you need to go that route, get the PI.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

daddy of twins said:


> more evidence:
> 
> found bag with her pants, tank top, and sweater in her car this morning.
> 
> She said when she was getting sick all the time she took spare clothes in case she vomited on herself. She is no longer sick but I am.


Is it vomit or semen/fluids - sorry! I'd check the clothes she had b/f changing into the ones in teh bag...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And how long did it take her to come up with that?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Here's another litmus test: offer to do the laundry for her. If she vehemently insists that she will do it, or goes through her clothes before handing them over, then she is definitely hiding something!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would get my ducks in a row quietly and sneaky.don't ask any more questions and play along like everything is fine.Keep a look out for any more evidence.

When I mean get your ducks in a row that means go to a lawyer and get a list of things like bank and retirement statements.

you might want to ask the lawyer if you can sue the company as he has a history of sexual harassment.

I know you probly think I can't believe this is happening to me. but think of it like this if you had cancer symptoms you would also think I can't believe this is happening to me.But you would go to the doctor hopefully before it spreads. Go see a lawyer before it spreads


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## ConfusedinColumbus (Feb 20, 2009)

F-102 said:


> And DO NOT, under any circumstances, confront the OM!


I am not saying he should, but why do you believe he should not?


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

Only have one word for you: CHEATING! 

I would wager my entire net worth on it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

If he confronts the OM, he will simply deny it, report the confrontation to his W, and now she can tell anyone who isn't deaf that he is too jealous, trying to control who her friends are, etc...


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## stonehenge (Nov 18, 2010)

Take the initiative here. Invite her out for a nice 'midweek' quiet meal and have the conversation: "Truthfully what is it that you want out of this marriage & life?" Clarity is king! Move on together as one or go your separate ways. Knowing is key. Not knowing will ramp-up uncertainty & pain .


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Call me clairvoyant or just plain cynical ... but I'm pretty sure the sh!t has already hit the proverbial fan on this one.


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