# Are sex jokes to my wife during a party fine?



## asdfg123 (Apr 6, 2019)

*asdf*

asdf


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I'm with you, it is inappropriate. It demonstrates a lack of respect for your marriage.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

That is a difficult one. Tom Jones really should not have sung that stupid song. It is an awful song. This man should not have sung it either to your wife. You wife should not have responded to him with any other than disgust. That said, You said your opinion and she heard you. I would say there is no need to escalate the matter as she will just dig in and defend her position. Do not give her an opportunity to do that. She knows what you think now.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Her participating in a sexually suggestive dance with a coworkers is inappropriate on so many levels. Yes, you are right to be upset about it. What you should understand is that there is no need to fight over it with your wife. You were upset by it and she should take that to heart and rather than defending herself, she should apologize and agree not to do that again. That's how marriage works. We are to have each other's backs.

As far as your wife helping her friend get laid by the guy, if they all believe that sort of thing is morally okay, then why not? I don't share that view, but if that's how they believe, then why shouldn't your wife help her friend to have a good time? Maybe I'm missing something here.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, it isn't fine. The problem is you are well aware of that and she appears clueless.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Openminded said:


> No, it isn't fine. The problem is you are well aware of that and she appears clueless.


Sounds like, to me, your wife is unscrupulous. If my wife did these things, I would be completely outraged. No, it isn't fine. It's reprehensible.



MaiChi said:


> Tom Jones really should not have sung that stupid song. It is an awful song.


Interesting. He was married at about age 17 to the same woman he remained married to for 59 years, until her recent death. Pretty unusual in the entertainment business.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Um no. If someone other than hubby sang to me and did sexy dance moves, I might throat punch him.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

TJW said:


> Sounds like, to me, your wife is unscrupulous. If my wife did these things, I would be completely outraged. No, it isn't fine. It's reprehensible.
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting. He was married at about age 17 to the same woman he remained married to for 59 years, until her recent death. Pretty unusual in the entertainment business.


TOM Jones was never faithful to his wife and never pretended to be. 
He once boasted in an interview that in one year alone he had sex with 250 different women. 
He had numerous affairs and his wife knew about at least some of them. 
They never divorced and apparently he was devoted to her just not enough to keep his trousers up.

With regards to your other point I agree completely. She has a serious lack of boundaries.


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

Definitely not fine, my issue would be my wife dancing or swaying along to the guys singing and actions. My wife would shut him down so fast that I would not need to intervene.


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## asdfg123 (Apr 6, 2019)

asdf


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## Male73 (Apr 6, 2019)

I think you only gave half a story here. No man would stay quiet in a situation like this if it truly happened. So tell us the whole story here? Are you jealous of this co-worker? I suggest you put your big man pants on and stop sulking. This is not 1800. Women have a right to dance and enjoy themselves without their partners/husbands being jealous of them of having a great time. If this was true I would have gone to dance with her myself not come on a forum to sulk about it!


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## asdfg123 (Apr 6, 2019)

look, I am quite new in this forum... but is everyone just accusing the one or the other side just for the hell of it?!?!? No chilled out opinions??


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## asdfg123 (Apr 6, 2019)

Male73 said:


> Don’t know what you want to see written here!? Your post is not convincing. Especially coming back clarifying the situation that it was not a sexual move. People go out to enjoy themselves and by having a dance I see nothing wrong about. No need for your male ego to go feel attacked here


actually, unless you have quite a few accounts in this forum you are fairly new too so no need to respond to me on this? What I wanted to see is your opinion.... you did make it clear, no need to continue the drama, no?


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> Um no. If someone other than hubby sang to me and did sexy dance moves, I might throat punch him.


The only other person I've heard threaten that particular form of violence is my wife.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When alcohol flows in, commonsense flows out!

If this is a one-off-er, I would write it off as just being dumb.

That said......keep an eye out for this irregular thinking, rhythmic lady.

She follows the beat, she follows her like-feathered friends.

Flocking to, with, not fleeing adolescent behavior.

Her boundaries 'may' need to be redrawn.

I too, would be pissed at the dude!

Just Sayin'





[THM]- SCM


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TJW said:


> Sounds like, to me, your wife is unscrupulous. If my wife did these things, I would be completely outraged. No, it isn't fine. It's reprehensible.
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting. He was married at about age 17 to the same woman he remained married to for 59 years, until her recent death. Pretty unusual in the entertainment business.


However he has admitted to having countless lovers.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

asdfg123 said:


> Hey,
> 
> Thanks for your responses but I think that there were some misunderstandings here:
> 
> ...


How could she be both standing around a bar table AND dancing?


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Where is your wife from? Dancing is perceived differently in other cultures. I'm Hispanic so I can dance salsa with a complete stranger but that's part of our culture. We know our stranger's dancing boundaries, it's like a "dance etiquette" that I don't see in America. Me and my female Hispanic friends go to Latin clubs because we love to dance and my American husband knows it (he's a terrible dancer!) and he's ok with it. I think he's relieved that he doesn't have to go out dancing with me, lol! However, I do not go to regular dance clubs or dance at American parties. Last time I went to a bachelorette party at a country bar, a drunk man grabbed me and try to hump my leg! Twerking! It was awful!! I felt disrespected and embarrassed!! I don't understand the dancing dynamics of the American culture...


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Male73 said:


> Don’t know what you want to see written here!? Your post is not convincing. Especially coming back clarifying the situation that it was not a sexual move. People go out to enjoy themselves and by having a dance I see nothing wrong about. No need for your male ego to go feel attacked here


I notice you have been a member less than a week. We do have some rules about civility here. Attacking another newbie is probably not the best move.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

"Drunk and happy parties' give me the creeps--all sorts of boundaries are crossed. The fact that you knew of playboy's reputation and his flirting is reason for growing uncomfortable. I can't imagine enjoying a bar table even part time with an uninhibited, playboy flirt.

What kind of standards are expected at a work party? This could carry over to the work place. I am old fashioned, but I think each of you should respect the others concerns and expectations. And I don't see this as arguing material, but martial compromise and loyalty.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You did the right thing. It would have been hard for me to stop at just an angry look. It's not like Don Juan didn't know EXACTLY what he was doing. Total disrespect to you and your wife. It's a bit worrisome she blame shifts the whole thing to you being jealous. If you want to really get her panties in a bunch, tell her it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him disrespecting you right in front of you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> TOM Jones was never faithful to his wife and never pretended to be.
> *He once boasted in an interview that in one year alone he had sex with 250 different women.*
> He had numerous affairs and his wife knew about at least some of them.
> They never divorced and apparently he was devoted to her just not enough to keep his trousers up.
> ...


Omg yuck, that's so gross! Eeeeeeeewwwwww.

OP what your wife did is inappropriate anywhere but especially at a work function. No way would I ever disrespect my husband like that - whether he was there with me or not.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> When alcohol flows in, commonsense flows out!


No kidding!

How much bad behaviour is brushed aside with, ''I had a couple of drinks, just having a good time!''

**** that!


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I wouldn't be as worried about the dancing thing as i would be her setting her friend up with this guy for a booty call . it makes me wonder if she has first hand knowledge of what this guy can offer .


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

sunsetmist said:


> "Drunk and happy parties' give me the creeps--all sorts of boundaries are crossed. The fact that you knew of playboy's reputation and his flirting is reason for growing uncomfortable. I can't imagine enjoying a bar table even part time with an uninhibited, playboy flirt.
> 
> What kind of standards are expected at a work party? This could carry over to the work place. I am old fashioned, but I think each of you should respect the others concerns and expectations. And I don't see this as arguing material, but martial compromise and loyalty.



I see this behavior as 'crass'.

The whole scenario lacking 'class'.

That said.....welcome to life on Earth.

Those that find this behavior as abhorrent are slowly being marginalized.

Times are changing.

Nope..

Times have always been this way...

Seriously.

One needs to carefully pick ones friends.

Picking ones' coworkers? That is a challenge.

Ya gotta eat!

Go to work, ignore the shenanigans, come home to sanity.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Klass with a capital K .....


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

asdfg123 said:


> look, I am quite new in this forum... but is everyone just accusing the one or the other side just for the hell of it?!?!? No chilled out opinions??


Well I'm a female and I'm sorry but I really don't see how this was such a travesty.

The guy made a drunken fool of himself and acted like an idiot. Then, he likely went off and acted like a drunken idiot toward someone else, and someone else after that. That's hardly worth getting upset over. In life, you have to pick your battles wisely and this wasn't a battle.

Just my 2 cents.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

asdfg123 said:


> look, I am quite new in this forum... but is everyone just accusing the one or the other side just for the hell of it?!?!? No chilled out opinions??


Well for my part, I think you are making a tempest out of a teapot. There is nothing here.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

this story is humorous.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

You and your wife should read: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass

It's a easy to read guide (based on research) for protecting your marriage based on the common mistakes/inappropriate behavior/lack of certain boundaries experienced by couples that experienced infidelity.

Every couple should read this book. You can buy it used on amazon for $5


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

asdfg123 said:


> look, I am quite new in this forum... but is everyone just accusing the one or the other side just for the hell of it?!?!? No chilled out opinions??


I have a pretty chill attitude. I am comfortable talking sex with my friends and with random strangers in line at the bank, if they bring it up.
I have the kind of friends who will be hosting a party, making a salad for the buffet table, grab a cucumber, put it to their crotch area, and chase someone around the house while quoting Pepe Le Pew. I am also comfortable with verbal sex jokes. Sex is one of my favorite activities and favorite subjects. I think discussion and humor related to sex is good for us.

That all said, it was absolutely inappropriate behavior by the co-worker. Sex jokes at a friends party is one thing. Sex jokes with a co-worker at a company party is a completely different animal and isn't ok. Sex jokes at work or a work event, unless you're literally a sex worker, cause problems. Rumors easily start, reputations get ruined, company policy usually forbids such behavior anyway, so jobs can be put in jeopardy, and legal action can even be taken. It's the MeToo era! What was he thinking!!?!?! Do the phrases "sexual harassment" and "hostile work environment" ring any bells? Anyone who witnessed that could actually report it as creating a hostile work environment for them and have a good case.

What he did was professionally inappropriate, socially inappropriate, and personally inappropriate. Period.

Your wife seems to have been oblivious. She needs to learn to recognize inappropriate behavior in European/Western society. She needs to learn not only to recognize, but to either shut it down or remove herself from the situation. This is for both personal and professional reasons. She could end up in a situation that she doesn't realize is inappropriate and have the consequences of her ignorance follow her personally and/or professionally for years.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

honestly i don't it matters what we think, telling her that 4 out of 5 dentist thinks what she did is inappropriate is not going to change her mind...tell her that if she feels what occurred is okay then she woudl have no problem if you did that to one of your female co-workers and have her watch...see if that is okay with her.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I dunno.

I'd have to see the degree, and the fact they were across the table is a caveat. 

Probably I'd go with casually stopping, forgetting about, maybe share what could possibly have happened/guy's possible intent at a later date with perhaps an inexperienced W, if she is truly inexperienced in a diff culture. 

If the drunk guy got unruly it's a different matter. But it was crass behavior, and a low key hold on there hoss likely the best action. Quickly forgotten. 

😁 good to see the word "crass" make an appearance in previous responses!

See, if proper manners are taught, there are different degrees of not great social behavior, requiring different actions.

Crass is worse than "tacky" but perhaps not yet "rude or boorish", which is close to but not yet "obnoxious", which is just under "being an a$$h0le".

Or something like that.😎😎😎


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

As a women, I can tell you that you get desensitized pretty quickly to obnoxious behavior like that. We see it all the time. It's possible he does that crap all day long in the office to all the women so your wife doesn't see it as something done specifically "to her" or she knows he's all talk no action and therefore nothing for her to worry about. I live across the street from a guy like this...can't tell you how many times he's made sexual jokes or references to me and other women in the neighborhood. He thinks it's funny. After a while, you just start to think of it has his normal. He never lays a hand on anyone. He's just an ass. Take him or leave him. He also would do anything for me no matter what time of day or night. He was the first person to reach out to make sure I was doing okay after I announced my separation. There were no jokes, just an honest conversation about how I need to do what makes me happy and that if I need anything, he and his wife will be there for me. He has not reached out without his wife again so no, he wasn't trying to strike while the iron was hot. He genuinely cares about me as a friend. 

Also, dancing at a table is not at all the same as grinding up against each other on a dance floor. So, if your discussion with her about this was accusatory to her, of course she got defensive. She's used to this jerk and it's not a big deal to her. Is it right that women get so used to this type of behavior, no, but we've been surrounded by it all our lives. 

As for her friend and the one night stand, women discuss sex and I think sometimes they are less discreet than men. I have not heard many men talk about sex with a particular women. Instead they talk in general about sex, at least when I'm around. (discussions on this board notwithstanding, but those are anonymous) On the other hand, I've heard MANY women discussing intimate particulars with their girlfriends. Your wife may have just been used to hearing the particulars from this women about the men she's been with and if this guy is such a player at work, her curiosity would be piqued. I know mine would be...is he writing checks he can't cash kind of a thing. LOL

But, where to go from here? Calmly tell your wife that you love her and you're not jealous in that you think she's doing anything wrong, you just feel he's a disrespectful man and you want your wife respected because you respect her. If you get angry, she will get defense.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

I'd be just as worried about her hooking her friend up. She may be trying to live vicariously through her friend which would indicate she has an attraction to the guy. May not be something to go to war over but definitely something to silently observe.


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## Congress (Apr 9, 2019)

Are sex jokes to my wife during a party fine? 


I am a more mature woman. I would say if it bothers her you should not do it. If it is a party you have plenty of others to entertain.

--Just my thoughts


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Congress said:


> Are sex jokes to my wife during a party fine?
> 
> 
> I am a more mature woman. I would say if it bothers her you should not do it. If it is a party you have plenty of others to entertain.
> ...


 You should probably read more than the title. This thread is about another man who was being flirtatious with the original poster's wife. It has nothing to do with the original poster being flirty.


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