# Raising children in different back grounds



## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

My husband and I both were raised in two different backgrounds.My mother was 21 yrs when she had me and, my father was in his 40's. I am not really sure, both of my parents work in the household. My dad was in the Army and, he retired and began working in a factory. Both of my parents work and we didn't really struggle while gowning up. My dad was married to another woman while I was conceived and left his wife for my mother. I have three step sisters they are all older than me. I was raised as a family we eat, and share chores in the house together. We spend holidays & etc' together. My father was a a constantly negative person, he would always say something negative about me or whomever I was dating was never good enough for me. It doesn't matter whom I'm with no man would be perfect in his eyes. I wish that they could just stop negative talking about my husband and just accept hes perfect for me. 

My husband is from New Jersey, he was raised different they had to struggle to survive when he was growing up. He came from a large family ( Italian-Irish) we both are Italian/Irish. He switch schools a lot, moved around a lot because they struggled. He has two sisters and 1 brother. I believe his mother did everything as wife growing up from cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and etc. 


Do you believe when you raised differently can affect marriage? How do you over come it? 


My other issue is this, I have two sons from previous marriage and, my husband family has a hard time accepting my sons as their grandsons. For example, my father in law would do everything to nit pick on my son. My son has ADHD and, some behavior problems. I been working with my son since he's 3 yrs old hes been in and out of therapy. 

My in laws would pick on my son, like he hit this kid, he said this and said that. Or he did this and did that. It was a constantly nit picking and I feel that they have a hard time accepting my son as their grandson. 

My husband on the other side does accept my sons as his own. He pretty much been taking care of my sons since the they were 3 yrs old when we were dating. I think and believe his family were jealous that my husband was providing for them and his sister would say its not your job to take care of him and etc. 


I do feel battle between the two families? I just wish both sides can get along because it's not me that suffer its the grandchildren that suffer.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello 
What do you want from this situation? You want bo side to get along? What do you want about raising children in two different background? I kind of see two subjects here.
How important is for you to get a better harmony in your family? What would be the benefits? How would you feel if you had the ideal situation? How can you get there? How can you communicate with you in-laws?


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

growtogether said:


> Hello
> What do you want from this situation? You want bo side to get along? What do you want about raising children in two different background? I kind of see two subjects here.
> How important is for you to get a better harmony in your family? What would be the benefits? How would you feel if you had the ideal situation? How can you get there? How can you communicate with you in-laws?


What I want is my family accept the fact my husband is apart of my life. That I love him and accept him for who he is. He might not come from a wealthy family but this is who I chose to married. I don't care how they feel he isnt good for me but this is who I chose to marry and share my life with. 

My husband family they just don't like me for whatever reason. They really never had the chance to get to know me and when I was around them it was always a negative outcome or they would just start some drama over some bull****. 

Most of the conflicts are with my Sister in law, my SIL is unhappy with her life so she needs to bring everyone else down with her.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I told my father once "I chose her not you, but I can choose to never see YOU again."


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

From the sounds of it having everything work out great with the in-laws, both sides may not be the best idea. There is too much drama. Focus on your marriage. Your backgrounds should not matter, what matters is what you do today and having a common ground together. The families will eventually figure out that the two of you are together for the long haul and will begin to accept that on their own without you worrying about it. Just be nice, respectful and keep your boundaries with them about how they treat your children.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

So what need to happen to get to what you want? What would be the first step you think?


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## Italian_Mami31 (Mar 20, 2012)

growtogether said:


> So what need to happen to get to what you want? What would be the first step you think?


I stop talking to my parents because of this before. My parents didn't like my husband for those reasons. I moved away from them and he was in the Army. 

They seem like they accepted my husband for awhile than the drama began all over again.


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