# Seperate Rooms and quickly moving toward divorce



## kt924

My husband and I moved into seperate rooms today. Actually, I moved him into the spareroom. We have been having difficulties for awhile now, but they have gotten worse recently. Three weeks ago, I found a self-portrait of a "friend's" crotch on his phone. Since then, I have not been able to get that out of my mind. He has also been texting with her for a number of months.  The woman recently went through a divorce and my husband has been "helping" her through it. I had been having issues with the closeness of their relationship and asked him numerous times if anything was going on. He would get upset with me and make me feel guilty for not trusting him. He claims that the reason he went to this "friend" is because he was not getting any love or support from home. I agree that I have not been the most supportive wife, but much of my behavior has been a direct result of his constant critisms and put-downs. He says, he's just trying to help me be a better person. Anyway, I have an appointment with a lawyer on Monday and am wondering what other steps I should be doing. I also would like to know how to get through this without going completely crazy. The stupid thing about all of this is that I still love him and would give anything for him to want to work things out and fix this marriage. I really need some advice from neutral parties (versus my parents and best friend).


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## devistated33

i feel for you. my husband and i are also in separate rooms. for the same reason as you. i also found naughty pics of a "friend". also found phone calls and emails. the advice i have heard is to set boundries in ur marriage and if he is willing to work on it then what will heal u is time. my problem is my husband dont believe he did anything wrong and believes he should have his "privacy" and i am the wrong one who invaded that and he wont respect any boundries. (sigh) it is not easy at all....i also feel like i am going crazy. i also love my husband and want it to work. i just wanted u to know that u r not alone cause i know i feel so alone through all this. friends and family dont know how deeply painful and hard all this is unless they them self have been through it.


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## upset/confused

Dont do anything yet. You need to let time pass a little before making big decisions. My story is very similiar. We are now physically separated, and I want answers and solutions now, but if there is a chance to reconcile, you need to do it with a calmer head.

It is hard and your mind will race. But don't do anything now. We both threatened divorce but we are still in this spot so please give it a little time where your emotions are not making your decisions and your head can chime in.

And yes it sucks..


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## xArielle

I too am just about to separate from my H under very similar circumstances (emotional affair turned into phone/email sex, and he's in the spare room too). I just want to say to you and devistated you are NOT crazy. And kt, something IS going on. Whatever that is, you aren't comfortable with it, you've made it clear that you're not comfortable with it, and yet he does not stop. You don't have to lower your standards and live in pain just because you love him. 

I agree w/ upset/confused that you may not want to rush immediately to divorce, but you do not have to live in circumstances that are not ok with you. 

I know how much it hurts...hope it helps that you're not alone.


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## kt924

I appreciate everyone's words of support! It means a lot to know that I am not over-reacting. Unfortunately, due to me moving him into the spare room, he has decided to proceed with a divorce. He split our joint savings account and filed paperwork to take me off of his checking account and him off of mine. I guess, the decision has been made...hastey or not. Again, thanks for your support and words of encouragement.


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