# Oral sex



## Jlnoah87 (2 mo ago)

Ladies please help me out , So I really like to go down on my wife. The problem is I almost have to beg her to do so …. Which I think is odd. When she says yes and I do it she gets the body shaking O. When I ask her why she says she like regular sex better. I don’t think my skills are bad but maybe I’m just horrible. Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex. So what would be the reason why she’s says no so often? As far as I understand most women love it


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Ladies please help me out , So I really like to go down on my wife. The problem is I almost have to beg her to do so …. Which I think is odd. When she says yes and I do it she gets the body shaking O. When I ask her why she says she like regular sex better. I don’t think my skills are bad but maybe I’m just horrible. Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex. So what would be the reason why she’s says no so often? As far as I understand most women love it


Not all women like it and not all men are good at it but even if a man is good at it doesn't mean the woman will necessarily like it. I don't know why you're doing it if she prefers to get off a different way. 

Most women don't enjoy giving BJ's. Some don't mind and I've heard one say she actually gets excited from it online, but in real life I've never met anyone who said oh I love to give BJ's.


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## Jlnoah87 (2 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not all women like it and not all men are good at it but even if a man is good at it doesn't mean the woman will necessarily like it. I don't know why you're doing it if she prefers to get off a different way.
> 
> Most women don't enjoy giving BJ's. Some don't mind and I've heard one say she actually gets excited from it online, but in real life I've never met anyone who said oh I love to give BJ's.


It’s because I really enjoy doing it , if it did nothing for her then I would not ask.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Just because something feels good doesn’t necessarily mean she is fully comfortable with that level of intimacy.

The blowjob thing is another reflection of the above statement.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It's just not all about orgasm for women. Only she can tell you why she prefers another way. Maybe she just wants your head up by her head to feel close or something, maybe she would rather have her arms around you than you squatting in between her legs doing your own thing. Have you asked her what it is she likes about other things better?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Maybe she hates the thought of kissing you after


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## Jlnoah87 (2 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's just not all about orgasm for women. Only she can tell you why she prefers another way. Maybe she just wants your head up by her head to feel close or something, maybe she would rather have her arms around you than you squatting in between her legs doing your own thing. Have you asked her what it is she likes about other things better?


Yes I have but she does not like to talk about at all


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

I have friends that have said the same about their wives…they don’t enjoy getting oral. For one, she was not comfortable with her body. And it is more intimate/personal than intercourse. And women don’t like oral like it’s portrayed in porn.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Yes I have but she does not like to talk about at all


How many times have you asked her? Is it possible she has told you but you don't accept it and just keep asking? Or is it possible she doesn't want to tell you for fear of hurting your feelings?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Some women aren't comfortable with their body.
Some women feel uncomfortable being "served".
Some women are too sensitive and oral is intense to the point of discomfort or even pain.

Personally, for me, I can orgasm repeatedly and intensely from oral. However, I find the most deeply satisfying orgasms are from PIV.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Some women aren't comfortable with their body.
> Some women feel uncomfortable being "served".
> Some women are too sensitive and oral is intense to the point of discomfort or even pain.
> 
> Personally, for me, I can orgasm repeatedly and intensely from oral. However, I find the most deeply satisfying orgasms are from PIV.


Nice Avatar!


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Ladies please help me out , So I really like to go down on my wife. The problem is I almost have to beg her to do so …. Which I think is odd. When she says yes and I do it she gets the body shaking O. When I ask her why she says she like regular sex better. I don’t think my skills are bad but maybe I’m just horrible. Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex. So what would be the reason why she’s says no so often? As far as I understand most women love it


Can you marry me? 🤣

Jokes apart, she may suffer from some sensorial issue, or is shy, or is lazy...


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Sorry to interject a few comments as a guy. Oral Sex, both giving and receiving has been a big deal for me from youth until now. My wife will not perform oral sex on me. During marriage counseling with a sex therapist Oral Sex both ways was discussed with the ST.

My wife has said it has no intimacy to her (even though before marriage it was too intimate, or at least that is what she told me). Another things she said is that it was too distracting, for her because she would be focused on what she must smell or taste like to me.....this would prevent her from relaxing and going into a zen-like state she needs to orgasm. Another thing she said (yes throwing spaggetti on the wall to see what sticks) was that she was afraid of getting a UTI from my tongue. And then that since she has given birth to our two children, that if she laughs, orgasms, etc. she can leak urine and she would be too embarrassed if that happened while my mouth was down there.

Those are some of the reasons, I have been told by my wife. (Yes, we discussed doing it only after she showered, I suggested a lubricated dental dam, I suggested all kinds of things, but no-go and have given up on both getting and giving, although either would be nice.)


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife just doesn’t like all the wetness down there from saliva and otherwise and is probably also self-conscious about her hygiene even though it is immaculate. She doesn’t want it so why force something your partner doesn’t want?

Her bullet you’d have to pry it from her hands. She likes that a lot so that works for us.


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## LoriD1974 (2 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Most women don't enjoy giving BJ's. Some don't mind and I've heard one say she actually gets excited from it online, but in real life I've never met anyone who said oh I love to give BJ's.


I VERY much enjoy giving and receiving oral. To receive it I definitely need to be in the right frame of mind as I find it takes a lot of mental focus for me to achieve orgasm from oral. 

The extent to how much I enjoy giving it totally relies on the attitude of the man I'm giving it too and how he makes me fell while I'm performing the act. Giving blowjobs is probably the thing that turns me on the most. I have been with men that say it's at the top of their list of turn-ons even above sex. I think there are many women that get great pleasure out of pleasing someone this way. If however they are asked that question by someone who is projecting that they find it disgusting then their answer will more than likely conform to suit.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

LoriD1974 said:


> I VERY much enjoy giving and receiving oral. To receive it I definitely need to be in the right frame of mind as I find it takes a lot of mental focus for me to achieve orgasm from oral.
> 
> The extent to how much I enjoy giving it totally relies on the attitude of the man I'm giving it too and how he makes me fell while I'm performing the act. Giving blowjobs is probably the thing that turns me on the most. I have been with men that say it's at the top of their list of turn-ons even above sex. I think there are many women that get great pleasure out of pleasing someone this way. If however they are asked that question by someone who is projecting that they find it disgusting then their answer will more than likely conform to suit.


May I ask how old you are and whether you're married?

What we've seen a lot of on here is that young women are eager to please during courtship after they've been married for some years get tired of doing certain things.

Oh I see you just joined yesterday and this is your first post. Welcome to t a m. What brings you here?


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Stop worrying about what most women like and start being more concerned with what YOUR woman likes.


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## LoriD1974 (2 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> May I ask how old you are and whether you're married?
> 
> What we've seen a lot of on here is that young women are eager to please during courtship after they've been married for some years get tired of doing certain things.
> 
> Oh I see you just joined yesterday and this is your first post. Welcome to t a m. What brings you here?


Thankyou, yes my first post. I've actually been a reader of these forums for a few years now sporadically. Thought it was time to join in. I am 47, married 21 years, recently separated, 3 adult children.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

LoriD1974 said:


> Thankyou, yes my first post. I've actually been a reader of these forums for a few years now sporadically. Thought it was time to join in. I am 47, married 21 years, recently separated, 3 adult children.


Glad you decided to join in.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

My wife is not a fan of getting oral. She let me do it for maybe 30 seconds and then asks me to use my finger instead. It makes me upset a bit since I would love to give her oral for longer and bring her to an orgasm orally. She does like to give me a BJ though.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex.












There are things she can take for gag reflexes.

COME ON GUYS! You can't be THIS naive!


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> There are things she can take for gag reflexes.
> 
> COME ON GUYS! You can't be THIS naive!


Really..?..I've never heard of any


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Ladies please help me out , So I really like to go down on my wife. The problem is I almost have to beg her to do so …. Which I think is odd. When she says yes and I do it she gets the body shaking O. When I ask her why she says she like regular sex better. I don’t think my skills are bad but maybe I’m just horrible. Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex. So what would be the reason why she’s says no so often? As far as I understand most women love it


My first wife would let me perform oral on her but she would not perform oral on me.
I asked her why? Because it tastes horrible she said.
This I found strange that she knew considering my wife claimed to had not been with a man before she met me.
Thinking about it, oral sex is pretty gross considering what it involves taking into the mouth.
Many years ago a male friend got a bj from a girl he met at a club. He caught as STD, the girl must have been rotten.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

My ex husband didn't like to give oral, only receive. On the rare occasion he did, I felt too conscious. I'd never received oral prior to that, never allowed anyone before because I felt too exposed, and then it didn't happen with my ex husband because he didn't like to give and I knew it. (To be fair, ensuring my sexual satisfaction was not high on his agenda ever!)

With my new husband I love it. Both giving and receiving. Sometimes I say no because I want something different, but not because I don't enjoy it.


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## TheSkyIsBlue (2 mo ago)

I'm a woman and I love giving BJs. I can get quite turned on by it, seeing and hearing how turned on my husband gets. I'm less enthusiastic about oral being performed on me, especially as the main show. I have never orgasmed this way and while it can feel good, there's almost a pressure to perform, a pressure to let him know it feels good Yada Yada Yada. I can get in my own way sometimes. Its better as foreplay for me.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not all women like it and not all men are good at it but even if a man is good at it doesn't mean the woman will necessarily like it. I don't know why you're doing it if she prefers to get off a different way.
> 
> Most women don't enjoy giving BJ's. Some don't mind and I've heard one say she actually gets excited from it online, but in real life I've never met anyone who said oh I love to give BJ's.


Oh, I know my wife loves giving. Told me long ago.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

gameopoly5 said:


> My first wife would let me perform oral on her but she would not perform oral on me.
> I asked her why? *Because it tastes horrible* she said.
> This I found strange that she knew considering my wife claimed to had not been with a man before she met me.
> Thinking about it, *oral sex is pretty gross considering what it involves taking into the mouth.*
> Many years ago *a male friend got a bj from a girl he met at a club. He caught as STD,* the girl must have been rotten.


Ah yes, flavored oral sex condoms are a great invention that minimizes lots of problems.

The problem is that if one has an objection to oral sex, they still probably won't do it even with a flavored oral sex condom, or at least that is my experience.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Young at Heart said:


> The problem is that if one has an objection to oral sex, they still probably won't do it even with a flavored oral sex condom, or at least that is my experience.


Yeah, you could dress mine up with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and a cherry on top. My wife still would not have any interest. The entire act is repugnant as far as she is concerned.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Cletus said:


> Yeah, you could dress mine up with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and a cherry on top. My wife still would not have any interest. The entire act is repugnant as far as she is concerned.


That is sad


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Longtime Hubby said:


> That is sad


Sad for me, but not exactly unusual for a woman of her generation. I would never make it a deal breaker.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Cletus said:


> Sad for me, but not exactly unusual for a woman of her generation. I would never make it a deal breaker.


Nah, but once in awhile is possible? Her age?


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## DaringGreatly (7 mo ago)

I loved giving bjs to my husband, it was a huge turn on for me. I am less excited about receiving. The tongue doesn't provide enough friction to be effective and as other ladies have said I also feel very exposed.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Nah, but once in awhile is possible? Her age?


Nope, never, not once in 37 years. Makes he sick to her stomach to think too hard about it. 

What can I say?


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Sheesh.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

DaringGreatly said:


> I loved giving bjs to my husband, it was a huge turn on for me. I am less excited about receiving. The tongue doesn't provide enough friction to be effective and as other ladies have said I also feel very exposed.


That’s interesting. Varies here. Sometimes, she loves to receive. Other Times? Not so much.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Ah yes, flavored oral sex condoms are a great invention that minimizes lots of problems.
> 
> The problem is that if one has an objection to oral sex, they still probably won't do it even with a flavored oral sex condom, or at least that is my experience.


I would never have unprotected sex with any woman except with my wife, for obvious reasons.
But regardless, I hate having any type of sex wearing a condom. It`s like taking a bath with my socks on, I can`t finish if wearing a condom even if receiving a bj.
Condoms kill the sensation and the warm feeling of sex, that I describe as clinical sex.
As a guy I can`t imagine what ejaculating into the mouth must taste like for a woman. I`m sure it doesn`t taste like ice cream. Pretty gross I think.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

gameopoly5 said:


> As a guy I can`t imagine what ejaculating into the mouth must taste like for a woman. I`m sure it doesn`t taste like ice cream. Pretty gross I think.


There's nothing preventing you from finding out what it tastes like.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Personal said:


> There's nothing preventing you from finding out what it tastes like.


A. Yes, please 

B. What's the therm for that? (I'm blanking)


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## LoriD1974 (2 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> As a guy I can`t imagine what ejaculating into the mouth must taste like for a woman. I`m sure it doesn`t taste like ice cream. Pretty gross I think.


As a woman fine with a man finishing in her mouth I must say that following some simple guidelines you don't actually taste it. Use some flavored lube, have it far enough in your mouth at the end and it basically passes all taste-buds. Breath and swallow normally. It's not like women swish it around in their mouth before swallowing (well some might ).


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

I’ve heard zero complaints from wife


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> As a guy I can`t imagine what ejaculating into the mouth must taste like for a woman. I`m sure it doesn`t taste like ice cream. Pretty gross I think.


It does not need to taste awesome, it is not a cake to eat. The whole idea of BJ is swallowing is to enjoy the moment and bring pleasure to your partner. My wife's vagina tast is tghe best taste is the world for me. i would not exchange it for 1 mil lb of ice-cream.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

LoriD1974 said:


> . It's not like women swish it around in their mouth before swallowing (well some might ).


And here I was thinking all along that the jizm gargling was on every women’s bucket list. Silly me.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

LoriD1974 said:


> It's not like women swish it around in their mouth before swallowing (well some might ).


Not a snowballs chance, oh wait, never mind.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

CharlieParker said:


> Not a snowballs chance, oh wait, never mind.


Well played


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> And here I was thinking all along that the jizm gargling was on every women’s bucket list. Silly me.


When she told me she swallows … wow


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

romantic_dreamer said:


> It does not need to taste awesome, it is not a cake to eat. The whole idea of BJ is swallowing is to enjoy the moment and bring pleasure to your partner. My wife's vagina tast is tghe best taste is the world for me. i would not exchange it for 1 mil lb of ice-cream.


🤮
OR you could bring pleasure to your wife by NOT expecting her to do something unless she enjoys it or to prioritize your desires over her own.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> My wife is not a fan of getting oral. She let me do it for maybe 30 seconds and then asks me to use my finger instead. It makes me upset a bit since I would love to give her oral for longer and bring her to an orgasm orally. She does like to give me a BJ though.


Its called multitasking, lol. You can use your hand and mouth at the same time.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Absolute cringe. My frost bf, amazing. Amazing I tell you. My husband, horrible. The difference was the motive. “I like to do it so you should just lay back and take it.” personal Motive vs. the drive to please the woman at all cost with nothing expected in return. Are you doing it to stroke your own ego or out of love? If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it, stop making her feel bad. 

I never told my husband he was horrible and I gritted through it more time than I care to admit for the sake of not hurting his feelings but truth be told.. if he loved me, he shouldn’t have made me feel guilty for not letting him. It’s so dumb. As far at BJ’s, some women don’t like it. I’m not some women 😆 but I have no answer for you there.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Its called multitasking, lol. You can use your hand and mouth at the same time.


I would gladly do this but she does not seem to like oral prefers fingering only.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> 🤮
> OR you could bring pleasure to your wife by NOT expecting her to do something unless she enjoys it or to prioritize your desires over her own.


The biggest enjoyment in sex is to pleasure our partner. My wife's orgasm is way more important to me than my own. And this is how it should be.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The biggest enjoyment is sex is to pleasure our partner. My wife's orgasm is way more important to me than my own. And this is how it should be.


What if your partner doesn't agree with that?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The biggest enjoyment is sex is to pleasure our partner. My wife's orgasm is way more important to me than my own. And this is how it should be.


That can be a bit of a catch 22. I used to think that way too, but fact is my wife isn't going to orgasm 100% of the time. It is probably around 50% to 75% of the time. Her satisfaction, orgasm or not for her, comes from making me orgasm. She has told me that, and given the high percentage of the time that I orgasm she pretty much expects it. If I focus too much on her achieving orgasm it may be a futile effort and I end up not orgasming either. Now we are both disappointed. Instead, I focus on being in the moment. I of course see her responses and make an effort to give her more of what seems to be really pushing the right buttons, but I also go with what feels good to me. I think the most important thing is to kind of just get lost in the moment and not think too much. If we orgasm, awesome, if not, still awesome.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

gameopoly5 said:


> My first wife would let me perform oral on her but she would not perform oral on me.
> I asked her why? Because it tastes horrible she said.
> 
> This I found strange that she knew considering my wife claimed to had not been with a man before she met me.


Oral doesn’t count. Technical virgin.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> That can be a bit of a catch 22. I used to think that way too, but fact is my wife isn't going to orgasm 100% of the time. It is probably around 50% to 75% of the time. Her satisfaction, orgasm or not for her, comes from making me orgasm. She has told me that, and given the high percentage of the time that I orgasm she pretty much expects it. If I focus too much on her achieving orgasm it may be a futile effort and I end up not orgasming either. Now we are both disappointed. Instead, I focus on being in the moment. I of course see her responses and make an effort to give her more of what seems to be really pushing the right buttons, but I also go with what feels good to me. I think the most important thing is to kind of just get lost in the moment and not think too much. If we orgasm, awesome, if not, still awesome.


I do not have this problem. My wife gets two orgasms, one from fingering, one from PIV every single time. It would be devastating to me if she did not orgasm.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I do not have this problem. My wife gets two orgasms, one from fingering, one from PIV every single time. It would be devastating to me if she did not orgasm.


I hope you realize that is all luck of the draw, that you happen to have a wife that orgasms easily.

Does your wife know that you would be devastated if she didn't orgasm? What are the chances that she makes sure she always "orgasms" so you aren't devastated?


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Does your wife know that you would be devastated if she didn't orgasm?


No, I don't think so. I told her many times that her orgasms are most important and most satisfying thing for me in our sex life. since she orgasms rather easily it is not an issue for her, she does not really need to make any effort. It takes less than 30 seconds of me fingering her to bring her to orgasm.



BigDaddyNY said:


> What are the chances that she makes sure she always "orgasms" so you aren't devastated?


I understand the temptation is to state she fakes it. No she does not fake it. She shakes uncontrollably, bites me, screams, her face turns red. You cannot really fake all this. When she gets the second orgasm from PIV, she screams and pulls me out. This is the only thing that is negative side effect of her PIV orgasm, it does ruin my orgasm a bit, I would rather prefer to stay inside her.

Again, personally if woman does not orgasm with me I would internally consider myself not compatible with her. I know it is controversial and there are women who never orgasm from sex or from PIV. but for me it is very very important.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

gameopoly5 said:


> .......* I hate having any type of sex wearing a condom.* It`s like taking a bath with my socks on, I can`t finish if wearing a condom even if receiving a bj.
> Condoms kill the sensation and the warm feeling of sex, that I describe as clinical sex.
> As a guy I can`t imagine what ejaculating into the mouth must taste like for a woman. I`m sure it doesn`t taste like ice cream. Pretty gross I think.


All I can say is that is kind of a risky attitude in this day and age. It definitely limits one's sexual safety if one is between wives.

I have worn and enjoyed sex with condoms at various points in my 51+ years of married life and prior. Yes, now that I and my wife have no fear of her getting pregnant, I prefer not to wear a condom, but there were times in our marriage where my wife did not want to take birth control pills or wear of diaphragm, so I used condoms. As they say, it beats the alternative of no sex at all.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Ladies please help me out , So I really like to go down on my wife. The problem is I almost have to beg her to do so …. Which I think is odd. When she says yes and I do it she gets the body shaking O. When I ask her why she says she like regular sex better. I don’t think my skills are bad but maybe I’m just horrible. Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex. So what would be the reason why she’s says no so often? As far as I understand most women love it


Well if she likes regular sex better, then she likes that better.

Of which not every woman enjoys receiving oral sex sometimes, often or even at all. Not forgetting not everyone is actually good at doing it either.

Also although many women love it, given that so many men actually aren't good at it, not all women love it. Not forgetting that a man being good at it, doesn’t always make some women want it, because she still may not like it doesn't like, or feel comfortable when receiving it.

And just so you know, body shaking doesn't always mean a woman is having an orgasm at all.

At the end of the day though, the answer to the questions you ask, are ones that only your wife can answer. Of which if she doesn't tell you, perhaps she cares about protecting your ego? But who knows, I certainly don't because your wife hasn't told me.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

LoriD1974 said:


> It's not like women swish it around in their mouth before swallowing (well some might ).


I like that my wife is one of the some, and that she will also show it to me while it's in her mouth, before either swallowing it or drooling it onto her tits.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> I like that my wife is one of the some, and that she will also show it to me while it's in her mouth, before either swallowing it or drooling it onto her tits.


Do you also like eating at the table with messy babies who have more food on their face than in their mouths? 🤑


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The biggest enjoyment is sex is to pleasure our partner. My wife's orgasm is way more important to me than my own. And this is how it should be.


Not for us. My wife's orgasm is more important to her, than mine is. Just as my orgasm is more important to me, than hers is.



romantic_dreamer said:


> It would be devastating to me if she did not orgasm.


My wife's first sexual partner was like that. So she ended up faking orgasms for him, to shut him up.

He was also 12 years older and claimed all sorts of sexual experience and prowess. To the point that when she (made the mistake) of telling him he wasn't getting her there at all. His first response was to tell her that it was strange, because he had never been with any woman who didn't orgasm with him.

Now to begin with she enjoyed the sex they shared (since it felt good to a point and was fun), yet his approach, saw her enjoyment of that, quickly fall off a cliff.

At first she would tell him that it didn't happen for her, which led to him trying a few different things to try to get her there, and that also included fingering her and oral sex. Yet it still wasn't happening for her. Which then led him to very quickly start telling her, that her inexperience was the problem and she was in fact having orgasms, yet didn't realise it. Since she was very wet, was flush and her breathing was different and that she had moaned. But nope no orgasm for her, it even got to the point that she started doubting herself and wondering if she was somehow broken.

Yet she still hadn't orgasmed with him, so in the face of him telling her how her having orgasms was the most important thing to him and carrying on about it as much as he did. She started telling him she had orgasmed and she started becoming more noisy and she shook for him and gripped him tighter etc. Which made things better, well for him it was better albeit briefly, for she quickly grew tired of feeling it was best to assuage his ego at the expense of her having an orgasm while sharing sex (since her orgasm is more important to her than his orgasm was).

In the end after being with that guy, it turned out my wife can orgasm very easily when sharing sex. So on that score, it worked out for her, and she doesn't feel she has to assuage my ego by pretending she has got there when she hasn't.



romantic_dreamer said:


> No, I don't think so. I told her many times that her orgasms are most important and most satisfying thing for me in our sex life. since she orgasms rather easily it is not an issue for her, she does not really need to make any effort. It takes less than 30 seconds of me fingering her to bring her to orgasm.


Well it's fortunate that your wife orgasms so easily. 'Cause if she didn't orgasm so easily, you telling her many times, that her orgasms were/are the most important and most satisfying thing for you in your shared sex life. Would presuming that she likes/love you, most likely see her, try not to bruise your ego, by making sure she has orgasmed twice, every single time that she ever shares sex with you.



> I understand the temptation is to state she fakes it. No she does not fake it. She shakes uncontrollably, bites me, screams, her face turns red. You cannot really fake all this. When she gets the second orgasm from PIV, she screams and pulls me out. This is the only thing that is negative side effect of her PIV orgasm, it does ruin my orgasm a bit, I would rather prefer to stay inside her.


Your wife may well not be faking any orgasms at all.

That said you are barking up the wrong tree, if you think all of those things that you described, can't happen without your wife reaching an orgasm. That's not to say that your wife isn't necessarily reaching orgasm every single time with you.

Yet if your wife's screaming, biting and face turning red, plus her pulling you out during vaginal penetration (which are all some of the things that happen when women fake their orgasms). Is all you have as evidence for yourself, that your wife orgasms twice every single time you share sex. I have to ask are you really sure, she is orgasming every single time? Since all of those things can and do happen in the absence of any orgasm, and can easily be done by someone who wants to put on a show for their partner while sharing sex.

On the other hand I certainly wouldn't be questioning your certainty, if you described feeling the following all of the time or at least most frequently.

Like when having a finger or fingers inside a woman's rectum, when she builds up towards having an orgasm. You feel a series of small extremely fast micro spasm vibrations (almost like a vibrator being used without one being used at all), with gaps between those waves of micro spasms, that see the gaps between those waves get shorter as the orgasm gets closer. Of which if they keep getting closer the woman is getting closer to orgasm, yet if the gaps start getting larger or the spasms stop altogether, the woman is drifting away from getting to have an orgasm.

Anyway when the spasm waves get closer and there is enough stimulation, when a woman does tip over to orgasm those micro spasm, will then turn into a succession of very deep shuddering and throbbing pulses (instead of micro vibrations) that you can feel through her rectum with some puckering as well.

That said, what I have described above, are the pelvic contractions that occur through the build up to orgasm and then the pelvic contractions through the orgasm. As felt through the rectum, since for measuring them it can be felt with greater amplitude via the rectum versus the vagina.

The same can also be felt through the vagina, although it can be much harder to tell at times (because the sensation is weaker). Plus one can sometimes mistake the contractions leading up to the orgasm, as the tipping point and subsequent orgasm. That's why the boffins who study this stuff, use rectal probes on women when they study their orgasms.

Anyway what is felt is a shuddering throb that feels weaker than via fingers in a rectum, combined with the vagina feeling like it is clamping the penis Not forgetting a forward and upward tilting sensation from the vagina followed by a downward and slightly backward rolling motion inside the vagina. That grinds and grips, feeling a bit like a very hard smooth bar is pushing down on the penis, with what feels like another hard and smooth bar rolling and gripping the penis from below in the lead up as well. Anyway though the pulling sensation is much fainter, the tipping over to orgasm usually feels a bit stronger. Although the pulsing contractions still feel fainter, that said it is certainly a nice sensation from the penis side of things as the woman orgasms as well.

Here's some more info:









Signs of female orgasm


Just read an article about why women make noise during sex. According to the article most women do it make the guy feel good about his sexual prowess. A good many do it to spur on the man's orgasm. Some do it because of the movies and think it is expected of them. My wife is dead quiet and does...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





*Plenty of fish

Why do men want to finger your behind?*
Posted: 11/26/2008 12:39:46 PM

almost every woman can fake an orgasm ..unless I have a finger in her butt... there';s no faking the pulsating convulsions of a woman's bung hole when she cums..not that i suspect any of my lovers are faking

*Quora
How can you tell if a woman has had an orgasm?*
You probably don't have the option to wire her up to a heart monitor or EEG, but if she's into anal and you feel you just have to know if an orgasm is real, try inserting a fingertip beforehand and see if you can feel the anal pulsations when she comes.

*The female orgasm: Pelvic contractions*
Archives of Sexual Behavior 11(5):367-86 · November 1982
Bohlen JG, Held JP, Sanderson MO, Ahlgren A.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/16016738_The_female_orgasm_Pelvic_contractions

*"Abstract*
Eleven nulliparous women manually self-stimulated to orgasm, each on three separate occasions. Pelvic contraction pressure was measured by an anal probe and a vaginal probe simultaneously. Near the perceived start of orgasm, a series of regular contractions began in nine of the women. Anal and vaginal contraction waveforms were synchronized with each other, and the same number of orgasmic contractions occurred in each lumen. Anal pressure had a higher resting baseline and greater amplitude contractions than vaginal pressure. The perceived start of orgasm did not correspond precisely with the onset of regular contractions. Mean intercontraction intervals increased linearly at an increment of about 0.1 second through the series of regular contractions. Amplitudes of contraction pressure waveforms, representing pelvic muscular force, were initially low, increased through the first half of the regular series, and then decreased. Area and net area of the pressure waveforms, reflecting pelvic muscular exertion (force x time), increased during the regular orgasmic contractions. Three of the women's orgasms consistently included only a series of regular contractions (orgasm type I). For six other women, orgasms consistently continued beyond the regular series with additional irregular contractions (orgasm type II). Types I and II had been identified previously in men. Two women had no regular contractions during reported orgasms. This pattern, type IV, had not been recorded in men. Women of different types showed marked differences in orgasm duration and number of contractions. Identification of these types in subjects is important for meaningful comparison of contraction parameters in different studies."

Also worth reading since it looks at the above: *SSL - Good Orgasmic Pelvic Contraction Study from 1982 - A Journal Article I Read*

*The Guardian*
*How do women really know if they are having an orgasm? *

Neuroscientist Dr Nicole Prause set out to answer these questions by studying orgasms in her private laboratory. Through better understanding of what happens in the body and the brain during arousal and orgasm, she hopes to develop devices that can increase sex drive without the need for drugs.

Understanding orgasm begins with a butt plug. Prause uses the pressure-sensitive anal gauge to detect the contractions typically associated with orgasm in both men and women.

...

When Prause began studying women in this way she noticed something surprising. “Many of the women who reported having an orgasm were not having any of the physical signs – the contractions – of an orgasm.”

It’s not clear why that is, but it is clear that we don’t know an awful lot about orgasms and sexuality. “We don’t think they are faking,” she said. “My sense is that some women don’t know what an orgasm is. There are lots of pleasure peaks that happen during intercourse. If you haven’t had contractions you may not know there’s something different.”



> Again, personally if woman does not orgasm with me I would internally consider myself not compatible with her. I know it is controversial and there are women who never orgasm from sex or from PIV. but for me it is very very important.


You know that's a pretty unhealthy perspective to hold. So for your own sake and your wife's as well, I hope you find a way to reconsider your mindset.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Do you also like eating at the table with messy babies who have more food on their face than in their mouths? 🤑


Forgot that sex is so neat and tidy!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Do you also like eating at the table with messy babies who have more food on their face than in their mouths? 🤑


It doesn't bother me, since that's par for the course with babies. Which is something I have some experience of, since I have parented my three now adult children.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Personal said:


> Not for us. My wife's orgasm is more important to her, than mine is. Just as my orgasm is more important to me, than hers is.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I do not want or convince you or anyone. I express my own opinion. If your wife did not orgasm with her previous partner she was probably incompatible with him. And compatible with you. I said I personally would not be able to be with a woman l cannot make orgasm. I do not believe in sex without orgasm and I sincerely consider the most important task and enjoyment for a man in sexual act is to bring his girl to an orgasm.

I wonder how would a woman feel with a man who doesn't cum with her?


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## Marsh_Mallow* (2 mo ago)

romantic_dreamer said:


> When she gets the second orgasm from PIV, she screams and pulls me out. This is the only thing that is negative side effect of her PIV orgasm, it does ruin my orgasm a bit, I would rather prefer to stay inside her.


Just out of curiosity, why does she pull you out when she orgasms? That seems maybe a little unfair because you don’t get to finish inside her.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Marsh_Mallow* said:


> Just out of curiosity, why does she pull you out when she orgasms? That seems maybe a little unfair because you don’t get to finish inside her.


She said she does this uncontrollably when she is coming. I read that this is quite common girls' reaction when they orgasm during PIV.


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## Marsh_Mallow* (2 mo ago)

romantic_dreamer said:


> She said she does this uncontrollably when she is is coming. I read that this is quite common girls' reaction when they orgasm during PIV.


Oh ok, yep I see what you mean. I hadn’t heard of that happening before. 

Also I understand and agree with what you were saying. My husband is the same. It’s important for both of us that the other orgasms. I don’t think that creates pressure to fake it.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

I used to be concerned if she did. After telling me several times that, for her, the journey is the enjoyable part and the orgasm is not the goal, i pretty much quit caring if she does or does not get the Big O. Our sex life improved dramatically. Cuz I quit caring. I hope that does not sound rude or mean, but that's how it is here. She's happy if she gets there, of course, but it's not her focus. So why should it be of my concern? It's not any more. And that's great. Oh, I do what i can with fingers, tongue, penis and/or vibe. I'd say she gets there about 1 in 4 tries.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

I really enjoy doing oral on my wife as it gives me great pleasure to give her pleasure and it really turns me on. She doesn’t really care for it on her as she refuses to kiss me afterward and the times I did it as part of foreplay I’d have to go wash my face and mouth before continuing which really kills the mood. I’ve just stopped even offering it or trying it which sucks for me because I love the smell and taste. Sorry if that’s TMI. No fingers either as she doesn’t like it. 

She absolutely refuses to give me oral as she says the very thought of it makes her sick to her stomach. I’ve offered to wear a condom or try a flavored lube but she says it’s not the smell or taste, it’s just the thought of kissing me down there disgusts her. She rarely even touches me there. I keep myself groomed and very clean there too. 

She has body image issues and does not like bodily fluids on her at all, so there’s no pulling out option either.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> I really enjoy doing oral on my wife as it gives me great pleasure to give her pleasure and it really turns me on. She doesn’t really care for it on her as she refuses to kiss me afterward and the times I did it as part of foreplay I’d have to go wash my face and mouth before continuing which really kills the mood. I’ve just stopped even offering it or trying it which sucks for me because I love the smell and taste. Sorry if that’s TMI. No fingers either as she doesn’t like it.
> 
> She absolutely refuses to give me oral as she says the very thought of it makes her sick to her stomach. I’ve offered to wear a condom or try a flavored lube but she says it’s not the smell or taste, it’s just the thought of kissing me down there disgusts her. She rarely even touches me there. I keep myself groomed and very clean there too.
> 
> She has body image issues and does not like bodily fluids on her at all, so there’s no pulling out option either.


That is awful


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

romantic_dreamer said:


> The biggest enjoyment in sex is to pleasure our partner. My wife's orgasm is way more important to me than my own. And this is how it should be.


To me the female vagina is a very complex organ. Unlike men that all is required is a rubbing of the penis to obtain orgasm, bringing a woman to orgasm is much more complicated and a lot more involved. It doesn`t take much to put women off sex, such as past traumas or events, beliefs that sex is dirty or a sin. Men perceive women as sexual beings, in-fact men see every part of a woman`s body as sexual. As for the G-spot, I`ve never found it and if sex is a pain in the a*s, it means you`re doing it wrong.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

This thread has really been all over the place...In some instances TMI.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Do you also like eating at the table with messy babies who have more food on their face than in their mouths? 🤑


It reminds me of when my kids were babies and they would vomit baby formula all over the place. God that was SO GROSS and stinky!!!! 🤮


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> It reminds me of when my kids were babies and they would vomit baby formula all over the place. God that was SO GROSS and stinky!!!! 🤮


Wife asked me “why do you enjoy doing that? It’s gross and smelly.” Um, no and no. Lol


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Jlnoah87 said:


> Ladies please help me out , So I really like to go down on my wife. The problem is I almost have to beg her to do so …. Which I think is odd. When she says yes and I do it she gets the body shaking O. When I ask her why she says she like regular sex better. I don’t think my skills are bad but maybe I’m just horrible. Also she does not like to give BJs because she states she has a really bad gag reflex. So what would be the reason why she’s says no so often? As far as I understand most women love it


We did it a bit and then my wife wanted a word with me where she said she is not comfortable with it. That is fine with me I was only trying to experiment. It's horrible if your wife isn't comfortable with it. In the same talk she said she is comfortable with spanking.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Personal said:


> Not for us. My wife's orgasm is more important to her, than mine is. Just as my orgasm is more important to me, than hers is.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You wrote a freaking book, only to say honesty in lovemaking is the best recipe.

Which, of course, is too rare.

You never know if her orgasm is real or faked, without employing physical contortions to reach her spincter.

God help us!

Which is also, too rare!


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Tony Conrad said:


> We did it a bit and then my wife wanted a word with me where she said she is not comfortable with it. That is fine with me I was only trying to experiment. It's horrible if your wife isn't comfortable with it. In the same talk she said she is comfortable with spanking.


At least there is communication


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> Maybe she hates the thought of kissing you after


I honestly had no idea that so many women feel this way, but apparently many do.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Young at Heart said:


> Another things she said is that it was too distracting, for her because she would be focused on what she must smell or taste like to me.....this would prevent her from relaxing and going into a zen-like state she needs to orgasm.


Every time, when your face approaches her vagina, you should loudly breathe in heavily, then begin licking and say “Mmmm.” To convey to her that her vagina is the best smelling, best tasting thing on the planet. Cunnilingus should be done enthusiastically, showing her how much you love performing it. And in between orgasms (her clitoral refractory period), you should use dirty talk about just how wonderful she tastes, how there’s nowhere you’d rather be then with your face in her honeypot.

There were some posts years ago about how to perform cunnilingus and how to use your penis during intercourse to hit the woman’s pleasure spots. I think her name was Starfires? I thought it was very helpful.



> And then that since she has given birth to our two children, that if she laughs, orgasms, etc. she can leak urine and she would be too embarrassed if that happened


As to squirting, which is sometimes urine (according to what I’ve read), I’d tell her that any involuntary evidence of an orgasm is an incredible turn on. A woman can fake a moan but you can’t fake squirting.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Personal said:


> Not for us. My wife's orgasm is more important to her, than mine is. Just as my orgasm is more important to me, than hers is.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


What's the cliff notes? I do, seriously, appreciate the time you spent providing info, just take me a couple days to go through it time-wise. 👍🙂


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Men’s biggest oral sex mistakes









Cunnilingus: 6 Women Reveal Your Biggest Oral Sex Mistakes
 

Done right, cunnilingus is more likely to end in a toe-curling orgasm for her than vaginal intercourse. Here's how to (finally) do it right.




bestlifeonline.com


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

STAR FIRES SUREFIRE SEX ADVICE
(Sexual Technique Explained)

You say this has been bothering you, and that's a good thing because it means there is hope for you. So, I need you to listen to me. Listen very carefully and take what I say to heart:

1. You don't know what you're doing. It's just that simple. Don't take that offensively. Many guys don't know what they are doing, and so, like you, they have to wonder if their partner is getting pleased. If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't have to wonder about it because a woman's orgasm ordinarily is not by happenstance. Her orgasm shouldn't be something you have to wonder about because you should know for certain. Her orgasms should be deliberate acts on your part, meaning you should be making sure to bring her to orgasm before you orgasm. And in order to make sure, then you have to know how to do it.

For you to be wondering about it means it's not something you take care of before yours because you don't know how. I'm sure you've heard the running joke about men, who, after they are done, turn to the woman and ask "Was it good for you?" Well, that's who you sound like. I'm going to assume you have also heard the saying "She cums first" (probably took it as "She comes first"). Well, what do you think that means? It means you have to MAKE her cum.

Your wife is not into it sometimes and sometimes not. She's never into it. She doesn't orgasm sometimes and sometimes not. She never orgasms. A lot of women fake it. Some women fake it because they don't know what it's really like. Some women fake it because it feels nice but neither she nor the man know how to keep the feeling going. Some women fake it because she feels that if he thinks she's enjoying it, then it's more pleasurable for him. Some women fake it because it makes him cum faster, so they do it just to get it over with because they are bored and don't want to lay there forever pretending to enjoy it.

Your job is to get her into it. Your job is to MAKE her orgasm. That doesn't mean you're supposed to make her orgasm against her will. That wouldn't be possible. It means her orgasm is supposed to be the result of your deliberate actions and skills that you employ for the sole purpose of pleasuring her and bringing her to orgasm. You have to work toward her orgasm first. She might not be in the mood for sex but once sex begins, you should be able to make her enjoy it EVERY time.

2. The way you are built (the glans and frenulum areas of your penis) makes sex pleasurable just because you're in the act of intercourse. Therefore, the friction created by intercourse is automatically pleasurable for you. But women are built differently. There is nothing inside a vagina that responds to friction, so the friction from thrusting is only for your own pleasure.

3. What a woman has are erogenous zones. They are areas in her vagina that respond to pressure, not friction. There are several of them, you can look up the others but the two easiest ones are the A-spot and the G-spot. The A-spot is located deep within. Some men are not large/long enough to reach that one. If you are, then you have to find it. You have to focus on pleasing her by stimulating her A-spot, and you have to last until she reaches orgasm, so if you cannot control your orgasms you need to get busy working on lasting longer.

Her A-spot is not difficult to find. Instead of humping, take your time and penetrate all the way in at an upward angle (assuming she in lying on her back in missionary), apply pressure for 2-3 seconds, and then retreat for a second. Then do it again, again, and again. This creates passion and ecstasy in her, and you will notice in her breathing quicken and possibly some moaning. After a short while, you can speed up a little bit at a time, but remember you're applying pressure, not humping, so you don't want to withdraw too far away. After a while, you can start gently pumping. Do this by applying pressure all the while but in very short spurts. Don't withdraw into a hump. Just stay deep and gently pumping. She probably won't orgasm quickly, so you have to be able to last. When she does orgasm, it will be explosive, and then you can cum along with her. If you can't last and you cum before she does, she will be extremely frustrated, and you will be the worst lover ever lol. Remember "She cums first."

You wrote: “We have talked about things. She tells me I think to much about it. She tells me everything is fine. She tells me it's ok.”

It's not okay. Under no circumstances is it okay. No matter what she says, it is NOT okay. Women say "it's fine" and "it's okay" and "don't worry about it" when they don't know how to talk about it. They don't know how to talk about it because they don't know what to say. Pleasure from sex is easy for you. As you can see from what I explained above, it's much more complicated for women. We don't know how to talk about it or what to say until we learn about our body and learn what pleases us, and we don't learn until those pleasing things happen to us and we see how our body responds to them. They don't happen to us until we are with a man who is knowledgeable and skilled at pleasing us. Up to that point, we have no idea what pleases us until it actually happens. A very good example is how many women (including lots of women on this board) say they don't or can't have vaginal orgasms. They think the only way they can orgasm is by clitoris stimulation, but those are the only orgasms they've ever had. It doesn't mean they can't have vaginal orgasms. They simply don't know they can because they never had one. If they were with a guy who knew how to make them orgasm vaginally, they would see it's not impossible.

That's why your wife won't talk about it. She doesn't know how you can please her any more than you know how to please her because you haven't done it, so the subject is a source of discomfort for her. She wants to be pleased and she wants to orgasm. She just doesn't know how to make those things happen and doesn't know what you can do to make them happen, so she has no idea what to tell you. So far, she probably feels like sex is mainly for men to enjoy. She's likely wondering what all the hullabaloo is about from the female side of things. So, she goes through the motions for your sake and for your pleasure, and she puts you off any attempt at discussion.

We learn about sex and orgasm from men we are intimate with. The more experienced and skillful the man is, the more we learn about our sexual pleasure. That means her orgasms are up to you. You have to get better in bed without her help because she doesn't know how to help you. I gave you some surefire methods, but you should google and research because there's still a lot more you can learn. Just don't make the mistake of thinking you can learn anything from porno videos. Pornography is the antithesis of female pleasure. You can't learn anything from pornography except how to disrespect your wife in the worst ways. And then, don't be surprised if she starts making excuses not to have sex with you.

INTERCOURSE TECHNIQUE
(by another poster)

Men get pleasure from friction while women get pleasure from pressure. You need to know the spots to apply pressure.

If a woman is lying down on her back, the A spot is about six inches in on the top of her vagina. The O spot is about 3-4 inches in on the bottom. The G spot is about 1-2 inches in on the top. (The C spot, aka the external clit, is obviously on the outside top.)

In the missionary position, you hit the A spot and G spot by inserting the penis at an upward angle. (Be very careful with the G spot as you can hit it hard directly and hurt her.)

For the O spot, go after that in doggy style with your penis at an upward angle. The woman could also hit it riding in reverse cowgirl while leaning away from you.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

CraigBesuden said:


> STAR FIRES SUREFIRE SEX ADVICE
> (Sexual Technique Explained)
> 
> You say this has been bothering you, and that's a good thing because it means there is hope for you. So, I need you to listen to me. Listen very carefully and take what I say to heart:
> ...


Thank you for posting this. Very informative


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

MORE STARFIRES:

I'm so glad you posted this, Allie. I'm SOOOO glad you're here. And I'm glad I couldn't sleep to be awake at this ridiculous hour and see your post. I'm glad because I was you in my first marriage. he big difference between us though is I got out of my marriage so I could explore sex with other men in order to discover the magical component that you mention. I knew it wasn't there and even though I didn't know what it was, I did know I was missing it....and I wanted it, so I had to go. I'm glad you have more tenacity than I did, but I wasn't one to just assume I didn't or couldn't enjoy sex. I'm glad I left, or I wouldn't be so happy to meet you because I think I can offer you some help.

First, I'd like to ask you to read Oldshirt's posts again....and again. But, I have to ask you to please ignore this one sentence: _"Roughly 75% of women are not able to orgasm through penile penetration alone."_

That kind of statement is what a lot of doctors/articles/surveys claim, but it's not true. I'm not sure how Oldshirt meant it, but that statement can be taken a couple different ways. One way is to take it literally to mean it isn't possible for 75% of women to have vaginal orgasms. Another way is to take it to mean 75% of women are not able to have vaginal orgasms without additional stimulation, such as to the clitoris. However one means or construes that statement, it is NOT true. That vaginal orgasm has not happened for most women doesn't mean it can't happen. All that means is they and their partner don't know how to make it happen. And women for whom it has never happened would naturally answer that type of survey question with "No I cannot have vaginal orgasms" because they don't know that they can.

I'm not trying to say every single woman on earth can, but I am saying that percentage can be turned around to state something more like "75% of women have vaginal orgasms" if only the necessary education were as widely broadcast as that untrue statement is. So know that you are not alone in thinking you don't like sex. Obviously, you and your vibrator have a relationship, so you can't say you don't like sex. You don't like sex with your husband, which is the type of thing a lot of women say, usually not until they discover with someone else how good sex can be. You just need to include your husband and help him learn your body, what you need him to do, and how you need him to do it.

Since you and your husband were both inexperienced, it is not surprising that sex is not satisfying to you. You guys are doing what comes naturally, which is to screw. Screwing is the humping, in and out mechanics of sexual intercourse. That's what you do because that's all you know to do. That feels good to him because of the way his body is built. The frenulum area of his penis is sensitive so that it responds to friction, and friction is what the in and out motion creates.

However, there is nothing in a woman's vagina that responds to friction, so you need more than just the mechanical movement. What you have are erogenous zones that respond to pressure. That's what Oldshirt means by your husband has to learn how to push the right buttons.

I want to ask you to read *my post here* in this thread. I offer somewhat in-depth advice on a few techniques. Tweak and adjust according to your preferences.

Also, please read this article: *How Finding My A-Spot Unlocked the Best Orgasm of My Life*
Know also that a lot of women are bored by intercourse, as the author of the article mentions that she was. But your husband learning about your A-Spot will cure that boredom. And if he isn't able to reach your A-Spot, another way for him to give you vaginal orgasms is to learn about your G-Spot, which is much easier for him to reach because it's not positioned as far or as deep within you. I explain both spots in my first link above.

This article talks about the same things but might include more explanations and good suggestions:
*How To Experience Full Body Orgasmic Bliss*

If you do that, your vibrator will call the doctor and let him know you are lying. LOL

But you can enhance the experience by making your nerve endings more sensitive. I used to love *Ginseng Gum* because it works quickly (within 20 minutes or less) and makes sex more pleasurable.

I bet you didn't know that one of the biggest rises in venereal disease has been among senior communities. I bet there are a lot of 70 and 80 year olds who would like to teach you a thing or two about the word "can't."

I'm wondering if you made this post before. What you wrote sounds very familiar.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I've seen that 3rd spot called the P, D and maybe O - not sure on that one. For those wondering, it's the Posterior Fornix which is even deeper than the A spot (Anterior Fornix) and you're supposed to go along the bottom of the vaginal canal to go for that spot. I short (LOL) if you are of average length you have a realistic shot of hitting the A-spot and should have zero problems hitting the G spot. However, the P (D or O) spot is supposedly only for those with a min of 7" of length or more. These assumptions are for typical anatomy since every woman is different and things can be shallower or deeper.

* * *

STARFIRES ON CUNNILINGUS

If you don't go down on your wife, then shame on you because you should. If you do go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue (or your fingers if you refuse to go down on her) to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, the way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw. 

All the while, you will be driving her crazy, and she'll try to get away from you. But don't let her. Stay with her and make her scream. She will love every moment. During her actual orgasm, she will probably go quiet and won't make a sound, but don't stop until she pushes your head away. She will push you away after the orgasm because her clit will become too extremely sensitive to touch. After you get comfortable doing this over time, you might want to play dirty sometimes and not let her push your head away. I had a boyfriend do this to me before. After many months of us making love and getting accustomed to each other's routines, I wasn't expecting that he wouldn't let me push him away this particular time. He kept sucking on me, and I kept trying to get rid of him. I started screaming at him (angrily) because I was too sensitive and couldn't bear it, but he kept at it and before I knew it, I was screaming in ecstasy within just a few short moments. It felt better than the first time and my second orgasm was a LOT stronger. After I came, we both started laughing. He was quite proud of himself for tricking me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now you know several ways to make your wife orgasm. You won't have to wonder or worry about her pleasure anymore.

_[CRAIG’S TAKE: What Starfires is talking about near the end of that post is a clitoral refractory period. Just as a penis becomes incredibly sensitive (“raw”) after orgasm, so does a clitoris. Her first orgasm merely primes the pump. Do not keep going while she’s still raw, as Starfires suggested above. You simply need to wait 10-15 seconds after her first orgasm for her clit to calm down and she’s ready to receive again. Go right back to her clit with the same speed, angle and pressure that brought the first orgasm (no fingers inside necessary now) and she will start multi-orgasming. Again she will stop you, push you away or whatever when it becomes too sensitive. Wait another 10-15 seconds and repeat. Keep going until she can take no more…. If you curl up your fingers in the “come hither” motion, rubbing inside about 1-2 inches inside her vagina on the top as you lick her, she can have a stronger, simultaneous clitoral and G spot orgasm, but when that happens she won’t be able to go for additional rounds so try to time it and save it for the last round…. When starting licking at first, keep your tongue flat like licking an ice cream cone. Take your time and don’t go straight for the clit, but the area beneath it. As she becomes more aroused, you can begin to pay more attention to the clit itself. After a few minutes, insert a finger and move it in and out like a penis while licking. A minute later, make it two fingers. watch for signs and hopefully her words on where you should lick and speed (“to the right… lower…”) As she orgasms, move with her so that you maintain the angle, speed and pressure on her clit.] _


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

CraigBesuden said:


> STAR FIRES SUREFIRE SEX ADVICE
> (Sexual Technique Explained)
> 
> You say this has been bothering you, and that's a good thing because it means there is hope for you. So, I need you to listen to me. Listen very carefully and take what I say to heart:
> ...


Very interesting. It seems that the vast majority of my wife's orgasms are the A-spot. The technique described is almost exactly what I do and it works quite reliably. I found it pretty much by accident after years of trial and error. My wife has minimal experience with masturbating. I don't think she has every orgasmed from masturbation, so she isn't able to provide much guidance from her own experience. On some rare occasions I've gotten her to orgasm from oral sex, but it always required penetration too. She says clitoral stimulation just doesn't do it for her. I've always found it hard to believe. I think she just needs the right stimulation. I keep trying, but what happens is once her excitement level get very high she won't let keep trying to get her over the finish line. She just wants me inside her now, lol. I suppose that is because she knows it will get her over the finish line. 

Lots of useful info in your post.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Very interesting. It seems that the vast majority of my wife's orgasms are the A-spot. The technique described is almost exactly what I do and it works quite reliably. I found it pretty much by accident after years of trial and error. My wife has minimal experience with masturbating. I don't think she has every orgasmed from masturbation, so she isn't able to provide much guidance from her own experience. On some rare occasions I've gotten her to orgasm from oral sex, but it always required penetration too. She says clitoral stimulation just doesn't do it for her. I've always found it hard to believe. I think she just needs the right stimulation. I keep trying, but what happens is once her excitement level get very high she won't let keep trying to get her over the finish line. She just wants me inside her now, lol. I suppose that is because she knows it will get her over the finish line.
> 
> Lots of useful info in your post.


Women keep us guessing


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Question for the ladies: do you like it or would you like it if your partner gave you oral after intercourse? Would it bother or gross you out or would you consider it a loving act?


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