# Help with divorce, kids, and trying to grow!



## Katniss (Mar 28, 2013)

I'm a very young mother of 2 with one on the way. I know many people look down on us younger mothers, but I have worked hard for my children, and I have never put myself before them. I'm currently seperated from my husband of 3 years, and I'm trying so hard to stay strong. I know I was not perfect during my marriage, because at one point I became so depressed I refused to do anything besides spend time with our son. That meant he worked, cleaned our house and did all of our grocery shopping. My marriage was a gun shot wedding with the gun in my back instead of his because of my families values. After I regained my sanity and changed my husband decided that alcohol and tattoos were his new best friend, and then came the drug use. I tried to hang on to our marriage but I was unhappy, and realized I was never in love with this man. After asking for a divorce several times, he decided it was best to make it as though I were having an affair with a man we both worked with. Sadly this man was trying to help me find a decent anniversary gift for my husband but he was an easy scapegoat. 

From then on everyone truly believed I had an affair, and that I was the only one who messed up in my marriage. Let me make one thing clear, I did NOT cheat on my husband while we were together, but I did pull women out of my bed several times. Now the only bad thing that has happened besides our seperation is that I became pregnant with someone elses baby. Awful as it sounds, it was my birthday and the first time I had actually been out in about 2 1/2 years! I screwed up and of course I got caught, but now I need advice on how to survive and to make sure my kids are ok. They are my main priority and I need others wives and mothers to help me! I want them to be happy because that is all that matters to me. 

Help a single mother learn to be strong please.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what's your question? If nothing else, you need to find a method of birth control that works for you... And I mean that sincerely. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Katniss (Mar 28, 2013)

I always get the whole get put on birth control and it angers me terribly. I was on birth control and used condoms with all 3 of my kids! What I was hoping for is some advice on being a single mother with bills, and a new crazy life. Anything would help me at this point. How do most women manage Such a hectic life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I am sure that the birth control advice was in earnest. You need to find something. You are apparently very fertile. 

Now on to other topics…
How old are you?
Have you filed for divorce yet? Are you getting child support? Your husband needs to be paying you children support NOW.

Make sure that you file for child support from the father of the new baby as soon as the baby is born. How much do you know about this child’s father?

Do you have a job? 
What is your source of income right now?
Are you living on your own or with a family member?
Do you have friends and family who can help you?
Do you have any education outside of high school?
Knowing all of this will help us help you because right now we don’t know what you have in place and what you might need.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Katniss...I bet you can find a better forum than this one for the type of help you seek. A forum for help and support for single mothers. That is a very specific and challenging position to be in, and this forum is about marriage advice...so not quite the same.

Although many here have been single mothers and can chime in with some help. But do look for more specified help, too. 

Were you married to the father of your kids? I don't think your post said one way or another. If so, are you divorced now? How much support (friends, family) do you have near you now where you live? Does your ex have partial custody?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I'm sure you're a great mother, but you will be in a situation with a lot of stress and difficulty. Even with a great job and secure home life it would be very tough. Have you thought about offering up the child for adoption? Many couples would be glad to have a child and would be able to provide for it and give it a great life. Not to say that you couldn't, but obviously it will be much more stressful to be a single mom to 3 than to 2.

You should probably talk to a lawyer about child support for your children. Regardless of the affair, he still has financial responsibilities to the children. See if your city/county has a legal service for low-income people.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I agree with adoption. I know it's got to be a tough decision; I was adopted and I TRULY ADMIRE my birth mother's strength. Giving me up was the single most SELFLESS and LOVING thing she did. 

You would be very likely to get your medical bills covered as well. Maybe even negotiate for tubal ligation at the time of birth.

Lastly - practical advise.

- see if there is a meetup group (meetup dot com) in your area for single mothers. You can work out child care, hand-me-downs, etc. with other women.

- Obviously get a job if you don't have one. Use the above suggestion for child care. 

- Furniture can often be found free through a christian organization if you need it. Sometimes they will help with utility deposits. Also Good Will, Salvation Army and your local homeless shelter.


Too late in being strong. You don't have a choice. You have brought 2 children, maybe 3 into this world. Strength is not an option; it's a necessity. Big girl panty time.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi Katniss, I don't mean to be harsh or anything but my advice is to stop getting involved in relationships, including accidental ones, that will make your life more complicated for both you and your kids. Obviously, your marriage with your (ex-)husband failed partly because you never really loved him, and now you're pregnant again with a man whom I doubt you also love because 'it' just happened accidentally. I'm sure you'll find ways or help in raising your children but it would also be best if you totally avoid getting involved with the wrong men unless he can commit to staying a relationship with you and supporting their children.


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## wifeandmummy (Aug 20, 2012)

I have three young children (6, 3 and 2) and I find it very tough...I also know others that have 3 or 4 and find it much easier than I do becuase their circumstances are different for whatever reasons.

I would say you will need support and alot of it. For me going from 2-3 was really tough becuase suddenly I didnt have enough hands and even when I wasnt on my own (either hubby or mum with me) we were still out numbered. Financially its been super tough and im a SAHM.

I dont know what age gaps you have between your kids or how old you are yourself but I would say if your having baby #3 surround yourself with people who will support you and cut out the stress and dramam from your life as much as is possible.

Good luck.


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## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

Surrounding yourself with supportive people is good advice.
Avoid toxic people, family or friends, who put you down or don't have your best interests at heart like the plague. 

Find where you can meet other young mums in similar circumstances, but choose friends wisely.

I escaped a toxic marriage years ago with a baby and a toddler.
One day I realised I had a roof over my head, some good food cooking in kitchen, the kids were happily playing, I was alone but had no drama in my life anymore.
Look at what you have, not what you don't have.

I slowly built up a network of friends and some family I could rely on
Don't beat yourself up about mistakes already made. Make a future for you and your children and that may start with just getting through one day at a time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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