# Names Guy, need help.



## Guy Hu

My wife of about a decade has cheated on me many many times. She always gas lights me for months then acts upset then admits something stupid to aliviate guilt then denies anything happened and acts like I'm the best, etc. I have severe PTSD and am the stay at home parent. I know she resents me for my disease, I resend it too. I am a good father but she can be evil to them. I need to leave but I'm finding support very difficult and it's hard to not feel alone. Any time I bring up anything about her affairs she lies screams throws stuff, discredits me to her coworkers, family, friends and threatens to run off with the kids until I have undeniable proof, then she crys and acts upset and that is not the truth. Any advice is appropriated.


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## Evinrude58

Get a job and divorce her


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## jlg07

Guy, you seriously need to get to a lawyer ASAP. Make sure you keep all the proof safe (multiple places if you can).
DO NOT help her hide her cheating. She is saying all this to everyone -- show them the proof so that YOUR reputation isn't harmed.

As for the PTSD -- have you gone to counseling? Depending on what it's causes are, you should look into EMDR therapy.

She is trying to manipulate you to keep you in line. SHE will owe YOU child support and alimony, so she doesn't want you going anywhere but staying under her thumb.

Also try doing the 180 --- to help yourself detach from her. See 180 for Betrayed Spouses
Be close to your kids, work out, eat healthy and start living YOUR life (of course all of that but hit some lawyers first - get a real shark).


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## thunderchad

This woman sounds like a sociopath. Please save your life by leaving her immediately!


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## Wolfman1968

Contact a lawyer ASAP.

Also, you're the stay at home parent. Typically, if there is no 50/50 custody, then the stay-at-home parent typically should get primary custody. She can't "run off with the kids".


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## sokillme

Guy Hu said:


> My wife of about a decade has cheated on me many many times. She always gas lights me for months then acts upset then admits something stupid to aliviate guilt then denies anything happened and acts like I'm the best, etc. I have severe PTSD and am the stay at home parent. I know she resents me for my disease, I resend it too. I am a good father but she can be evil to them. I need to leave but I'm finding support very difficult and it's hard to not feel alone. Any time I bring up anything about her affairs she lies screams throws stuff, discredits me to her coworkers, family, friends and threatens to run off with the kids until I have undeniable proof, then she crys and acts upset and that is not the truth. Any advice is appropriated.


Get a lawyer (a good one).


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## Evinrude58

What’s the PTSD from? If you have PTSD, how are you able to babysit children?
In my mind, if you can’t work, and you have no income, you are pretty much at her mercy. Therefore I’d do whatever it took to find a job, even if it were one working from home, so I could have an income and leave the beast of a wife you have.


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## Marc878

Serial cheaters never stop. You’re wasting your time confronting her because she’ll just do it again.
Unless you can come up with a plan to get on your feet this will be you life.
You can’t fix her. You can only control yourself.


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## rugswept

Maybe she'd be much calmer with whoever serves her the D filing.


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## BeyondRepair007

Time and time again the SAHD scenario ends with a cheating wife.

Guy you need to find your (non-violent) anger and act like a man who has had enough. Get a job, you’re going to need an income soon enough.

How old are your kids?
How long have you been trapped in this dungeon?

It sounds like she is running your life and you’re letting her do it.

As @Evinrude58asked, what’s this about PTSD? Is it because of her crap or something else?


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## Guy Hu

jlg07 said:


> Guy, you seriously need to get to a lawyer ASAP. Make sure you keep all the proof safe (multiple places if you can).
> DO NOT help her hide her cheating. She is saying all this to everyone -- show them the proof so that YOUR reputation isn't harmed.
> 
> As for the PTSD -- have you gone to counseling? Depending on what it's causes are, you should look into EMDR therapy.
> 
> She is trying to manipulate you to keep you in line. SHE will owe YOU child support and alimony, so she doesn't want you going anywhere but staying under her thumb.
> 
> Also try doing the 180 --- to help yourself detach from her. See 180 for Betrayed Spouses
> Be close to your kids, work out, eat healthy and start living YOUR life (of course all of that but hit some lawyers first - get a real shark).


Thank You for your solid advice.


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## DownByTheRiver

Nobody needs proof of cheating to get a divorce and share custody of the kids! You just get a divorce on incompatibility and get your 50/50 custody. Let her worry about the kids half the time. It will all be on her when she has them and it will all be on you when you do. All this nonsense about needing evidence of cheating is crazy. It's not anything needed legally for divorce.


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## LATERILUS79

I gather from your first post that your wife is violent. You need to keep a video recording device going on in your house at all times. Police won’t believe you. You need to have evidence. You also need to divorce this woman and get your kids away from her.


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## Guy Hu

Evinrude58 said:


> What’s the PTSD from? If you have PTSD, how are you able to babysit children?
> In my mind, if you can’t work, and you have no income, you are pretty much at her mercy. Therefore I’d do whatever it took to find a job, even if it were one working from home, so I could have an income and leave the beast of a wife you have.


The PTSD is from abusive parents who followed the brotherhood of zion cult in their "beat the child till they learn to beat them selves" commission. 
I watch my children(awaiting paternity tests) with all the love in my heart. They save me. Although raising children is one of the most stressful things I've done, they are my medicine. 
I'm trying to find a job that lets me move around and not feel trapped.
You are 100 percent correct.


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## TexasMom1216

Search your heart. Who is more important to you, you or her kids? I bet you put your kids first. So let's do this for them: get out of that toxic situation to protect your little gremlins. You'll save yourself in the process, and you'll be whole and healthy for your children. 

Ask the Christians on this forum to pray you get full custody, then you take action with a good attorney. He/she may be expensive, but I know you'd do anything for your kids and you'll figure it out. With all that going on, you will come out of this with your children and your self esteem. Oh and totally listen to the posters telling you to record her crazy episodes. Send them immediately to the lawyer you hire; he/she will know what to do with them. Get your babies out of that situation. You're a great dad, and a great dad is a gift, a precious gift that not everyone gets. Be the superhero they think you are and stand up for yourself. 

I hope this helps, and I apologize if it's harsh. But please know, bless your heart (I'm from Texas, listen to this, it's serious) for being such a good dad. I tear up reading what good dads post. Get your kids and go have the wonderful life you all deserve.


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## Guy Hu

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Time and time again the SAHD scenario ends with a cheating wife.
> 
> Guy you need to find your (non-violent) anger and act like a man who has had enough. Get a job, you’re going to need an income soon enough.
> 
> How old are your kids?
> How long have you been trapped in this dungeon?
> 
> It sounds like she is running your life and you’re letting her do it.
> 
> As @Evinrude58asked, what’s this about PTSD? Is it because of her crap or something else?


2 and 5, I've been married for 11 years but shes been cheating through out. When my brother died I married her right away. I didn't know she was so angry, it's like another her, but obviously I feel trapped so once she snaps out of it it's like I'm the best person in the world and she does literally anything I want but this last time I suspect she is cheating she does over the top sexual acts for me, and I appreciate it, but I'm thinking where and why or you doing this cause at the same time she seeks out other men at the same time to hang out with them outside of and at work and screams and yells and threatens to leave every month. Yeah... shes controlling me. Ahhhhhhh her mother told me she did the same thing to her husband till she was not of child bearing age and I'm thinking I cant handle that for another 25 years. Shes already cursing at them and pushing them down by their faces saying I'm not your mother and your not my family when they say mama I love you and at that moment I'm screaming at her leave now, and she does, where ever that is, cause she comes back relaxed like we werent saying we love you we want you what can we help you with. She just snaps and wants to fight and fights to fight. The only thing that works is making her hurt when shes like that and degrading her sexually. I'm not really into that. I want love not control. I know all about control. 

now I only have ptsd bad 2 to three days every 3 months, it used to be constant. I had a healer help me out in a big way and I dont get stuck in lows for days anymore, but I have some really big common words as triggers ah

I've gotta get in gear, pick it up no matter what and do it. 
I'm at the point were I'm starting to see it clearly past my own bias on what I think our relationship is and the real...ity of it. It hurts but it's a freeing pain kinda... like a black hole is "freeing" and you gotta go through aaah sun fuel lol they'll figure it out


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## Guy Hu

TexasMom1216 said:


> Search your heart. Who is more important to you, you or her kids? I bet you put your kids first. So let's do this for them: get out of that toxic situation to protect your little gremlins. You'll save yourself in the process, and you'll be whole and healthy for your children.
> 
> Ask the Christians on this forum to pray you get full custody, then you take action with a good attorney. He/she may be expensive, but I know you'd do anything for your kids and you'll figure it out. With all that going on, you will come out of this with your children and your self esteem. Oh and totally listen to the posters telling you to record her crazy episodes. Send them immediately to the lawyer you hire; he/she will know what to do with them. Get your babies out of that situation. You're a great dad, and a great dad is a gift, a precious gift that not everyone gets. Be the superhero they think you are and stand up for yourself.
> 
> I hope this helps, and I apologize if it's harsh. But please know, bless your heart (I'm from Texas, listen to this, it's serious) for being such a good dad. I tear up reading what good dads post. Get your kids and go have the wonderful life you all deserve.


Thank you for your kind words and advice. I have mountains of data to go through. I have me saying you have to calm down we cant scream at the kids or hit them in the face and she yells they are my kids and I can hit them anywhere i want. 
I am deeply passionate about Our Almighty Savior thank you for that very solid advice. YESSUA IS LORD and prayer is the most powerful thing we can do.


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## Diana7

Guy Hu said:


> Thank you for your kind words and advice. I have mountains of data to go through. I have me saying you have to calm down we cant scream at the kids or hit them in the face and she yells they are my kids and I can hit them anywhere i want.
> I am deeply passionate about Our Almighty Savior thank you for that very solid advice. YESSUA IS LORD and prayer is the most powerful thing we can do.


You children are being abused. Please do anything you can to get them away from her.


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## Lady Abandoned

Guy Hu said:


> My wife of about a decade has cheated on me many many times. She always gas lights me for months then acts upset then admits something stupid to aliviate guilt then denies anything happened and acts like I'm the best, etc. I have severe PTSD and am the stay at home parent. I know she resents me for my disease, I resend it too. I am a good father but she can be evil to them. I need to leave but I'm finding support very difficult and it's hard to not feel alone. Any time I bring up anything about her affairs she lies screams throws stuff, discredits me to her coworkers, family, friends and threatens to run off with the kids until I have undeniable proof, then she crys and acts upset and that is not the truth. Any advice is appropriated.


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## Lady Abandoned

Start building your proof and figure out your next move financially. Can you work? Do you receive disability? Is there opportunity for you to work from home? She's abusing you and you need to get out of that situation asap.


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## jlg07

Guy, I don't know if you've tried this for your PTSD -- seek a counselor who knows EMDR therapy -- it is designed specifically for PTSD and trauma....


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## DownByTheRiver

Guy Hu said:


> My wife of about a decade has cheated on me many many times. She always gas lights me for months then acts upset then admits something stupid to aliviate guilt then denies anything happened and acts like I'm the best, etc. I have severe PTSD and am the stay at home parent. I know she resents me for my disease, I resend it too. I am a good father but she can be evil to them. I need to leave but I'm finding support very difficult and it's hard to not feel alone. Any time I bring up anything about her affairs she lies screams throws stuff, discredits me to her coworkers, family, friends and threatens to run off with the kids until I have undeniable proof, then she crys and acts upset and that is not the truth. Any advice is appropriated.


I guess you two don't understand that cheating is not considered when being granted a divorce and custody. So you guys are both spinning your wheels. You can't take someone's word for it or even evidence isn't sufficient because the other person could be cheating as well and just not gotten caught. So it's just not a factor. You just get a divorce and do split custody as you're entitled to if those are your children and in fact it's your responsibility to split custody. No one's going to be allowed to abandon the children. It doesn't matter if she cheated or not to a divorce court. All they really need to know is that you two want a divorce and child custody agreement. 

So stop wasting your energy thinking you have to prove something because you don't. She can gas like you and tell her heart's content and it won't make one iota of difference because you're still entitled to get your children half the time as long as you are stable and there's nothing serious wrong with you and you can provide for them half the time. Same with her.


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