# Long-distance birthday help needed



## questar1

Reading the success stories here is inspiring. They also remind me how lazy and self-centered I have been, focusing more on my own feelings rather than asking "What can I do for the marriage? What can I do for the H?" 
So now that I am aware of my knee-jerk selfishness I need some help turning my awareness into action.
The H will be 3,000 miles away on his birthday this year. He has to travel to a fundraising event we normally put on together every year back where we moved from, but we couldn't afford 2 plane tickets. He will be staying at our cabin in the woods. There are other people living nearby who are good friends and would gladly help out.
I would very much like to figure something out long-distance to help him celebrate his birthday. I am just not good at coming up with ideas. I think I could have our friends collaborate on something but I just don't know how to pull something off long-distance. I don't even know where to begin dreaming something up. :scratchhead: Especially because he'll be out in the woods. However, he'll be going into town for the event the following day and staying there all weekend, so I could have people at the event pull something off as well, even if it's a day late. I guess that would be even more of a surprise. 
I just need some ideas from people who are good at doing things like this. And I hope to get better at these kinds of "surprises" over time.


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## lamaga

Well, what does he like? I'm sure there is a local bakery that will deliver a basket of dynamite cookies, or maybe you can buy a gift certificate to a local microbrewery and have one of his friends take him there? I don't know, I don't know where he will be or what he likes, but yes, if you know people there, you can definitely pull off something. And don't forget to send him a sexy text or two


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## questar1

lamaga said:


> Well, what does he like? I'm sure there is a local bakery that will deliver a basket of dynamite cookies, or maybe you can buy a gift certificate to a local microbrewery and have one of his friends take him there? I don't know, I don't know where he will be or what he likes, but yes, if you know people there, you can definitely pull off something. And don't forget to send him a sexy text or two


Well, not that i got a lot of ideas here in response to my query, but I coincidentally finally did something along these lines!
Since I had posted about it, I felt obligated to get to work. Nothing like social pressure.
To make a long story short, with great finesse I was able to contact friends I knew he wanted to see in the area and they went out to dinner with him on some other pretext (he never suspected they knew it was his birthday!). One of them picked up the cake I had ordered & paid for (and designed with very personal wording!), and the restaurant owner was in on the whole thing, and appropriate music was played (a favorite birthday song)--a rarity at that exclusive dining venue!--and they even threw in ice cream to go with the cake!
Honestly if it hadn't been for this forum, I would have felt helpless. Now I know that I have the wherewithal to keep putting energy and creative thought into this marriage, beyond what I thought was "normal" for me. I thought only other people did these things. Well. Now I know I can reach outside my boxed-in way of thinking!
He called me afterward (despite the 3-hour time difference) and said, "I felt like you were here."
That wasn't totally the goal but that was wonderful to hear. Mainly I wanted HIM to feel remembered & honored on his birthday--and I got honored in the process.
It was worth the screw-ups, craziness, and sneaky phone calls! And it was fun. Even the folks at the bakery were in on "the 3,000-mile cake order."
It was fun to stretch what I thought I was capable of. This really was a significant breakthrough. I have always been so envious of how other couples knew how to do these cute things.


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