# A Real Monster-In-Law



## Kathy Jackson (Aug 29, 2012)

In addition to the issues I have with my husband cheating, the way he acts with his own mother is sort of like an affair as well.

He only calls her when I am not at home or around him. I look at his cell phone log, and he will talk to her for 50-80 minutes while he's at work. He only has a 30 minute lunch break, so he has to be taking extra time to talk to her. I am not kidding when I say he calls when I'm not around. I made a spreadsheet of the calls, and there are 134 calls since January. The only call I heard is when she told my son happy birthday.

What are they talking about? I have no clue. I have told him for about 5 years that this is a problem. Not that I don't want him talking to his mother, but I wonder why he cannot do it around me. I'm starting to think if you're not discussing anything wrong, why can't I be privy to the discussion?

His mother and I have had problems almost since day 1. My husband would call her in the beginning of our relationship for every little problem that he and I had, and despite her declaring that she would be neutral she has not been. About 6 years ago, she manipulated my husband into leaving me in TX while he and my 6 month old son went to Georgia. She would call me every day and basically guilt trip me by asking how my mom would feel if she hadn't got the chance to hold her grandson yet. 

I cried and pleaded with my husband not to go, I told him that his mother should come here. He ended up moving there--not just visiting, then calling and telling me he wouldn't be coming back to TX. I had to beg, borrow, and steal to get on the next flight out there to get my son. 

While I was there for about 2 weeks, I overheard him and her speaking about me negatively on several different occasions. While he was out of the house, she would ignore me and my son---then when he got back, she would act as though she had been helping/talking to me all along. I tried to stay out there to be with my husband, but the deal was off when I heard her telling him to just get an attorney and that she would make sure my husband and son had everything they needed.

For the first 2 years of our marriage, he went back and forth from TX to Georgia (me and her).

Just the other day, she sent my husband a very passive-aggressive email containing commentary on the bible. It talked about leaving your family and kids behind to serve the Lord. She was, again, telling him to leave me. She also does things that I think are just to annoy me. Like spelling my children's names wrong and adding everyone else to her "Family" group on FB except me. (I know that sounds petty lol) 

My husband defended her in the situation. I told him he needs to let his mother know that she has no right and no place in our marriage. He said he's not telling her that, because "that's just how she is." I don't feel like I have to put up with her any longer, but I also don't want to make my husband pick me or his mom. If he says the wrong thing to her, she will stop talking to him for months or years at a time. In my opinion, if a person will do that to you, then you really don't have all that great of a relationship. He will tell me that both me and his mom are nagging him, but he won't tell her that? It feels like he spares her feelings but doesn't even consider mine.

I'm also upset that my mother-in-law knew about my husband's cheating and did not tell me. It seems like woman to woman, she could have clued me in. In a perfect world, she would have, but hey. I also wonder if her knowing about the cheating contributes to the way she treats me. Kind of like, if her son doesn't care enough about me to be loving and respectful, then she doesn't have to either. I may also be weary of her for this reason.

Am I overreacting to her and him? I'm really starting to think their whole relationship is abnormal, but I have nothing to compare it to.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

I'll try not to sound like a fortune cookie, but a marriage is between 2 people. Any number greater than 2 is a problem.

You actually created a spreadsheet? Wow, that tells me it bothers you enough to make it a big deal. I haven't read your other threads, but if he is talking to her about you and/or your relationship, then it is not OK, and talking to her that much smacks of "momma's boy".

How much time does he spend talking to you?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When you get rid of him, his mother will be gone too.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Your husband has already chosen between you and his mother. 

He allows her to openly and privately disrespect you and your marriage without consequence. Further, if your MIL has her way, your husband will move to Georgia, take your son, and you won't see him again. That's what that conversation was about, that if he left you and took your son, she'd provide for them. 

I'd seriously start think about contacting a lawyer, if even just for advise on parental rights, otherwise, he might sneak out in the middle of the night with your son.


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## Kathy Jackson (Aug 29, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> When you get rid of him, his mother will be gone too.


That made me laugh Hope1964. But it's true!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

He's not talking to his mother when you're around because he knows that you (rightly so) hate the woman. So rather than antagonize you, he calls when you aren't around.


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

He's not talking to her while you are around because they are talking about you.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I might agree with you, Chris, if the vague notion of "in case of a divorce" hadn't been brought up by the MIL in question.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

When he said " I do" to you ,he should have been ready to say " I don't" to his Mom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous1too (Aug 28, 2012)

^ Right, Richie. That's what "forsaking all others" is. I don't believe that's just our sexual fidelity, but remaining loyal to our spouse (which includes not allowing others to speak negatively about them) and protecting the relationship against anything that will tear it down.


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