# Please advise.....



## Mpitts3446

21 years married, We have ridden the struggle bus. He has a history of emotional infidelity, porn addiction etc. I can be a real B$tch when I'm mad. 
How do you guys handle it when he works all the time, and when he's not, it's hunting, fishing, his mom, anything other than me? I know he loves me, I'm just not a priority. I give way more than my share, emotionally, money wise, etc.
For example, I sent him a sexy text, and he got mad because I made him feel guilty when he is working. 
We don't need the money, although I know for him, matching what I make is important as well as his work ethic is off the chain good. We can talk about how there has to be a happy medium and then bam, it's right back at it....
I ask for sex all the time, I know it's a need for him. But when I ask , I am hounding him? I have done anything he has ever asked for in that department, as long as I am willing to not ask for it I'm ok. I'm just sick of the double standards and the not being treasured, if that makes any sense?


----------



## bellegr

First, please don't say you're a B$tch. This is probably something you've been told you are. You situation sounds (eerily) similar to mine, except for the 21 years. Is there an area in life where you might be able to find fulfillment outside the marriage? You sound like a hardworking loyal person who perhaps deserves quite a lot more kindness and attention than you are receiving. I'm not suggesting that you do anything dramatic, just that you prioritize yourself a bit more. I sincerely hope you feel better soon. You are enough!🌝


----------



## FlaviusMaximus

A porn addiction can knock the hell out of a marriage and a good sex life. Not to be too personal, but does he get a good erection when you have sex, is he, in the moment? Porn can create some unrealistic ideas of sex and gratification that you might not be able to replicate with him. When he does his other activities, what is his mood like? Do you think they are things he does to avoid you? Would he really rather spend time with his mother? That's odd and potentially troublesome. 

You need to sit down and talk with him calmly and find out why he is avoiding you. After 21 years, you have the right to have expectations and answers. Tell him what your expectations are and tell him you expect those to be met for the health of the relationship. Of course hear him out as well.


----------



## bellegr

Flavius Maximus makes a rather good point. Porn addiction/habit/even occasional viewing is an essentially narcissistic act where the viewer has to make no effort in exchange for the gratification of their unrealistic inclinations. This does not reflect upon you or your innate desirability, though. It is a product of a lazy libido on their part and a sense of entitlement, especially if he cannot be bother to maintain that side of your relationship. Please look after yourself and your needs. FM is quite right about having a conversation (not confrontation) where you both honestly discuss what you need.


----------



## CountryMike

You ever go hunting and fishing with him?

That would be a big plus. I'm being serious.


----------



## bellegr

It might give you a chance to chat about things in a more relaxed manner and bond over a common interest


----------

