# The 180 isn't doing a thing for me !



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Am i missing something . l've been doing my own version since day one nearly 4 mths ago.
l was basically handling things that way before l'd even heard of it anyway once she'd moved out .

l've done all this crap l had to do with our mess from this , big [email protected] too. l work , l've still done a bit to the property , not much but just whenever l feel like it.
We have seen a bit of each other because of my daughter stuff but l'm hardly on the phone to her groveling or anything.

l can't get out at all because l can't afford it and don't really have any friends round here either.

l dunno l read everywhere about how good people are doing because of this 180 - what am l missing ?

18 yrs together - maybe that's why - it's gonna take time whatever you do l guess !
l feel lonely , numb , doesn't matter what l do.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

It does take time, hon, and even after you "master" it, you'll still have hiccups.

You take one day at a time, and make it a good day.

I struggled financially, too, so I spent a lot of time taking walks, cleaning and organizing different.areas of the house I'd been meaning to get to.

I'd also take pictures, lots of random pictures of scenery, animals and objects, upload them to my PC and use a free editing program to play around. It's fun and kills a lot of time.

If you're into it, church is great. I have met so many amazing and supportive people at church. I used to dread the approach of the weekend, but now, I count down the days. 

Things will get better, dear. Just keep up the good work!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

It does take time. 

Check your local paper to see events that are going on during the weekend. There are always free things to do. 

Go for a walk, as katy said. I always enjoyed that. 

Just be patient. You are going to stumble. It happens. It is different for every person.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Thanks for those.
Yeah I've had spats of money where I've been able to at least get out as well as take my daughter places , or even just pig out on some decent food at home . Considering the situation , I didn't have bad holidays and that helped heaps. Flat broke now though .
Here I'm out of town so once your broke your house bound there's not even anywhere to walk to really . The house bound periods are really bad.
I find I'm at my best when I can get out and away . Like our main towns 1/2 hr away , plenty of people, shops , life . But it costs to drive over of course. Our local towns are only tiny but 2 are on the coast so they're really nice to go to too but again even fuel when your broke.

This place is one ac and without my girls here now , family , it feels so empty and lonely and although it's a renovator I just don't feel like much of anything under these circumstances when I do go on with stuff. It was an our project.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hopefully I've organized some extra cash that should come in next wk so I won't be as house bound . This is gonna make a huge difference thank God .


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

So, what are you gonna do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> So, what are you gonna do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for your kind words btw to hk.

Well it's not much but at least l'll be able to put in a bit of petrol and get over to the coast for walks and simple stuff.

l had to go up to our main town today for it and even just to get out , roam some shopping centers and be among some people was so nice later.

l hope to have enough to buy some paint too ,put it aside and start on some rooms when l'm in the mood.
l envy you having church even though l'm not religious myself but it must be nice to be able to get among your people .

l'd love to be able to get out for some pool and a drink but won't have enough ******


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is it that you are expecting the 180 to do for you that is not happening?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What is it that you are expecting the 180 to do for you that is not happening?



I don't know Ele , l'll take anything l can get right now. So many people just rave about how good it is though, l just want some of what they're on :smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

whitehawk said:


> I don't know Ele , l'll take anything l can get right now. So many people just rave about how good it is though, l just want some of what they're on :smthumbup:


Have you read the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley? I think it would help you out.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Have you read the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley? I think it would help you out.


No not really . To be honest l can't afford any little luxuries like that this mth. l need to get away from the mind anyway and out into the real world you know.
But l'm basically just doing what everyone else seems to be , 180s and all our crap .
l'm really pleased it's helping so many though and it does help me to at least stay sane and away from the moping . 
Spose that's a big thing if nothing else .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

whitehawk said:


> No not really . To be honest l can't afford any little luxuries like that this mth. l need to get away from the mind anyway and out into the real world you know.
> 
> But l'm basically just doing what everyone else seems to be , 180s and all our crap .
> 
> ...


The 180 is really about not doing emotional things and looking needy. It's not "no contact".

If your goal is to move from her then keep doing the 180.

If your goal is to try to get her back, then you need more. Take a look at the links in my signature block below for *Plan A* and *Plan B*.

That's some of what is in the book "Surviving an Affair". That site has some 'case studies' that might help you. 

You can order the book used on Amazon for $1.25+3.99 shipping. Or you can probably get it for free from a library. There has to be a library somewhere around where you live.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Many of us spent years neglecting ourselves, for whatever reason. Especially after a betrayal, or getting dumped, it is very easy to be more interested in the relationship than your own well being. 

To me the 180 is about letting go of the relationship. Letting go of her. And doing what is best for you. As you do that, you feel better about yourself. You are showing yourself that you are worthy, rather than looking to someone who doesn't care at the moment to judge your worth. 

The 180 has helped me. But IC and books have played an important role as well. Here is one I highly recommend:

Rebuilding, When Your Relationship Ends


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