# Confused. Took another shot at dating



## Almost-Done

I said what the heck, I'll try again. Met this woman same age as me. Went out on two dates and I thought we planned the third. Heavy kissing and touching, so I thought that was a good sign. During dinner at the second date, I suggested she come to my place and we'd cook a meal together the following Saturday. She was delighted and I said cool. She did text me the next day and asked if I'd like to hang out the following weekend, and I said of course, she replied with smiles. We texted back every few days and on Friday night I texted her about how nice the weekend is supposed to be and confirmed for Saturday. She replied back and said, oh, I have to work. I said, okay, maybe another time then. She said cool. Then she said, how about Sunday, I said can't, I already have plans with family. She replied back, no problem. Another time then. Saturday came along and I didn't have my phone and she apparently texted me around 1pm and said I know this is late notice, but do you want to hang out. I do not have to work today after all. When I got home a few hours later I replied and said, I already setup other plans as you cancelled last night because you had to work. She then went in a tirade about we never had plans, but like you said, it's all good and no big deal. I just said perhaps it was just a bit scrambled and confusing since it was done via text (even though we agreed during dinner the previous Saturday). However, I said, there's always next week, and she replied as "K". I thought it might be better to call her this time to iron out this weekend's plans. So, on Tuesday, I called her and received her voicemail. Left a short message, hey so and so, hope all is well, call me back. I received a text from her on Thursday morning said sorry, had a family member had a medical emergency, can I call you tonight? I said, sure. Hope all is okay. Speak to you soon. Silence and no call.

So, here I am confused and bewildered. If she was going to ghost me, why reach back out and tell me that she'll call me later and then disappear?

Am I reading this incorrectly?


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## Andy1001

Almost-Done said:


> I said what the heck, I'll try again. Met this woman same age as me. Went out on two dates and I thought we planned the third. Heavy kissing and touching, so I thought that was a good sign. During dinner at the second date, I suggested she come to my place and we'd cook a meal together the following Saturday. She was delighted and I said cool. She did text me the next day and asked if I'd like to hang out the following weekend, and I said of course, she replied with smiles. We texted back every few days and on Friday night I texted her about how nice the weekend is supposed to be and confirmed for Saturday. She replied back and said, oh, I have to work. I said, okay, maybe another time then. She said cool. Then she said, how about Sunday, I said can't, I already have plans with family. She replied back, no problem. Another time then. Saturday came along and I didn't have my phone and she apparently texted me around 1pm and said I know this is late notice, but do you want to hang out. I do not have to work today after all. When I got home a few hours later I replied and said, I already setup other plans as you cancelled last night because you had to work. She then went in a tirade about we never had plans, but like you said, it's all good and no big deal. I just said perhaps it was just a bit scrambled and confusing since it was done via text (even though we agreed during dinner the previous Saturday). However, I said, there's always next week, and she replied as "K". I thought it might be better to call her this time to iron out this weekend's plans. So, on Tuesday, I called her and received her voicemail. Left a short message, hey so and so, hope all is well, call me back. I received a text from her on Thursday morning said sorry, had a family member had a medical emergency, can I call you tonight? I said, sure. Hope all is okay. Speak to you soon. Silence and no call.
> 
> So, here I am confused and bewildered. If she was going to ghost me, why reach back out and tell me that she'll call me later and then disappear?
> 
> Am I reading this incorrectly?


Stop texting.
Call.


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## Almost-Done

Already did, went to VM. She texted me back that she'll call me and never did.


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## jorgegene

I've been out with girls like this. I mean ones that show a lot of interest, but do the old
Disappearing act.

Like you, bewildered and straining my brain to figure them out.
Still have'nt. 

Probably you won't either.

Best thing to do forget about it and move on.
Write it off as personal issues I guess.

One thing I learned the hard way is the ones that are really interested and stable will let you know, no uncertain terms.
Those are the potential keepers.


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## Almost-Done

It's just a weird situation. I've been ghosted before, but not one that texts me to confirm my VM, apologize, tells me she'll call me later and then poof. I was going to reach out again, but my co-workers, which are mostly female tell me not too. If she wants you, she'll reach out again. The ball is in her court. It seemed she had a lot of interest. She'd grab me in the middle of walking down the street and start kissing me and grabbing. Just strange.


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## Andy1001

Almost-Done said:


> It's just a weird situation. I've been ghosted before, but not one that texts me to confirm my VM, apologize, tells me she'll call me later and then poof. I was going to reach out again, but my co-workers, which are mostly female tell me not too. If she wants you, she'll reach out again. The ball is in her court. It seemed she had a lot of interest. She'd grab me in the middle of walking down the street and start kissing me and grabbing. Just strange.


**** it that’s too much drama.What I mean when I say call is don’t text at all,actually call someone.
Still,she sounds like a drama queen.


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## Almost-Done

Andy1001 said:


> **** it that’s too much drama.What I mean when I say call is don’t text at all,actually call someone.
> Still,she sounds like a drama queen.


She wasn't before. Seemed pretty down to Earth. Not sure what happened. I prefer calling too. However, many women seem to prefer texting. I am not a big texter.


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## Andy1001

Almost-Done said:


> She wasn't before. Seemed pretty down to Earth. Not sure what happened. I prefer calling too. However, many women seem to prefer texting. I am not a big texter.


The problem with texting is something that sounds funny in the middle of a conversation can be taken completely out of context if it isn’t read for a couple of hours.Also you can say something to someone but they can tell by your tone of voice that you are being facetious but in a text it can look aggressive or insulting.


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## Almost-Done

Very true and that was why I called to clear up anything over the past weekend and make sure the next week is a go verbally. However, when you call and they you hear back two days later that she'll call you, but doesn't, it seems like a cat and mouse game. If she had no interest, no prob. Why text back you're going to call and then don't? Makes little sense.


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## arbitrator

Andy1001 said:


> **** it that’s too much drama.What I mean when I say call is don’t text at all,actually call someone.
> Still,she sounds like a drama queen.


*Or is starting in on "playing a game" to which only she knows the rules as well as when the next session of the game is going to be played!

Sounds rather cold and calculating to me!*


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## Andy1001

arbitrator said:


> *Or is starting in on "playing a game" to which only she knows the rules as well as when the next session of the game is going to be played!
> 
> Sounds rather cold and calculating to me!*


The problem with this game from a mans point of view is that the rules can change at any time and without warning.What was fine yesterday is disrespectful today.
You can’t win so don’t play.


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## arbitrator

Andy1001 said:


> *The problem with this game from a mans point of view is that the rules can change at any time and without warning.What was fine yesterday is disrespectful today.
> 
> You can’t win so don’t play.*


*Amen to that, Brother!*


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## Elizabeth001

There’s another man.

Step away. Not worth your effort. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Almost-Done

It’s upsetting. I feel used and lied to. Ot to me tiom taken advantage of. Would be nice if I could just send a text saying thanks for wasting time. Guess I expected too much from a person who’s a psychologist. I expected a bit more maturity. It boils down to respect. That’s what bothers me the most.


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## Andy1001

Almost-Done said:


> It’s upsetting. I feel used and lied to. Ot to me tiom taken advantage of. Would be nice if I could just send a text saying thanks for wasting time. Guess I expected too much from a person who’s a psychologist. I expected a bit more maturity. It boils down to respect. That’s what bothers me the most.


I have three dating rules that I never break.(when I was dating)
No tattoos.
No nurses.
And definitely no ****ing doctors!
Medical staff are the most promiscuous people around,I know and have lived beside dozens of them from surgeons to candy stripers.
And one who’s job is messing with your head?
No thanks.


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## Cooper

Me thinks you are way to bothered by all this after a couple of dates. The balls in her court, I sure wouldn't be playing the waiting game, find someone else and if this woman calls in a week there's no law that you can't still date her as well if you want, just don't get sucked into any game playing.


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## Satya

Too much over text.
Text should be for logistics only.
If you're not talking (over phone or in person) more than you're texting, let it go.

I don't care if we live in the age of texting. You simply won't get to know a person half as decently as if you talk with them, preferably face-to-face.

Sounds like she likes to play texty games and be wishy-washy. Go find a woman who will meet you for coffee immediately.


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## Mr The Other

Almost-Done said:


> I said what the heck, I'll try again. Met this woman same age as me. Went out on two dates and I thought we planned the third. Heavy kissing and touching, so I thought that was a good sign. During dinner at the second date, I suggested she come to my place and we'd cook a meal together the following Saturday. She was delighted and I said cool. She did text me the next day and asked if I'd like to hang out the following weekend, and I said of course, she replied with smiles. We texted back every few days and on Friday night I texted her about how nice the weekend is supposed to be and confirmed for Saturday. She replied back and said, oh, I have to work. I said, okay, maybe another time then. She said cool. Then she said, how about Sunday, I said can't, I already have plans with family. She replied back, no problem. Another time then. Saturday came along and I didn't have my phone and she apparently texted me around 1pm and said I know this is late notice, but do you want to hang out. I do not have to work today after all. When I got home a few hours later I replied and said, I already setup other plans as you cancelled last night because you had to work. She then went in a tirade about we never had plans, but like you said, it's all good and no big deal. I just said perhaps it was just a bit scrambled and confusing since it was done via text (even though we agreed during dinner the previous Saturday). However, I said, there's always next week, and she replied as "K". I thought it might be better to call her this time to iron out this weekend's plans. So, on Tuesday, I called her and received her voicemail. Left a short message, hey so and so, hope all is well, call me back. I received a text from her on Thursday morning said sorry, had a family member had a medical emergency, can I call you tonight? I said, sure. Hope all is okay. Speak to you soon. Silence and no call.
> 
> So, here I am confused and bewildered. If she was going to ghost me, why reach back out and tell me that she'll call me later and then disappear?
> 
> Am I reading this incorrectly?


This is how it is done nowadays. Including by most women who say they would never do it. It is nothing personal. It seems cold hearted, but it is the opposite, they cannot bear to say no.

I have also heard of men doing it, which I cannot forgive as easily, but then I am being sexist.


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## Bananapeel

Since you are new to dating I'm going to give you the run down on how/why I do things when I first meet a woman that I am interested in. 

1. Only use the phone or texting to set dates when you are first starting the relationship. If you start talking to a woman on it or having texting conversations then she'll have less motivation to get to know you in person. 
2. Don't ask her out for your next date while you are still on a date with her. Instead finish the date, then a couple days later call her and ask her out again. This builds anticipation. 
3. Don't text before the date to confirm it's still on. Just show up at the location on time and expect her to do the same. If a woman is interested in you and something comes up then it should be her job to contact you to reschedule since she is changing plans. If she stands you up then you know she has a low romantic interest in you and isn't worth your time. 
4. Try dates once per week at the beginning and then if you start getting into a relationship then you can see her more often. This frequency is pretty standard in getting to know someone. 
5. If she cancels and tries to reschedule it means she's interested in seeing you so do your best to pick a different day/time. Don't get butt hurt because early in a relationship you aren't her priority yet. 
6. Don't drop everything at the last minute to see her because it conveys you don't have a life. The exception is you can allow her to come over for a late night booty call. For example, when she had her Saturday night open up again you could have just said you had plans but she was welcome to meet you afterwards at your place for a drink at 9 PM. 
7. If you ask her out twice (this includes via text) and she doesn't reply or agree to a date then cut all contact with her. You can resume contact and ask her out again only if she contacts you first. But, don't do anything special. Just do something low key like cook dinner together and have drinks at home. If after a few times you feel it's going somewhere then you can resume taking her out for a nicer date. Basically, you are setting the standard that if someone blows you off they have to earn their place back with you. 
8. Let her do the majority of the contacting and use those opportunities to set your next date. If you contact too much you'll look needy and insecure. 
9. Don't take anything personally. Dating is supposed to be fun and if it's not you aren't doing it right. 
10. If you don't feel like it is working then drop her and move onto the next. There are plenty of fish in the sea. 

*#7 is how you deal with a woman ghosting you. It's not unusual to turn that into a booty call opportunity in the future. When she calls 3 weeks or so from now just tell her you'd love to see her and she can come over for a drink. *

Good luck!


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## Almost-Done

Cooper said:


> Me thinks you are way to bothered by all this after a couple of dates. The balls in her court, I sure wouldn't be playing the waiting game, find someone else and if this woman calls in a week there's no law that you can't still date her as well if you want, just don't get sucked into any game playing.


Agreed. Always starting up other convo's with other women. It's just a weird situation. It's a common decency issue. I guess I am a bit too old school.


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## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> Since you are new to dating I'm going to give you the run down on how/why I do things when I first meet a woman that I am interested in.
> 
> 1. Only use the phone or texting to set dates when you are first starting the relationship. If you start talking to a woman on it or having texting conversations then she'll have less motivation to get to know you in person.
> 2. Don't ask her out for your next date while you are still on a date with her. Instead finish the date, then a couple days later call her and ask her out again. This builds anticipation.
> 3. Don't text before the date to confirm it's still on. Just show up at the location on time and expect her to do the same. If a woman is interested in you and something comes up then it should be her job to contact you to reschedule since she is changing plans. If she stands you up then you know she has a low romantic interest in you and isn't worth your time.
> 4. Try dates once per week at the beginning and then if you start getting into a relationship then you can see her more often. This frequency is pretty standard in getting to know someone.
> 5. If she cancels and tries to reschedule it means she's interested in seeing you so do your best to pick a different day/time. Don't get butt hurt because early in a relationship you aren't her priority yet.
> 6. Don't drop everything at the last minute to see her because it conveys you don't have a life. The exception is you can allow her to come over for a late night booty call. For example, when she had her Saturday night open up again you could have just said you had plans but she was welcome to meet you afterwards at your place for a drink at 9 PM.
> 7. If you ask her out twice (this includes via text) and she doesn't reply or agree to a date then cut all contact with her. You can resume contact and ask her out again only if she contacts you first. But, don't do anything special. Just do something low key like cook dinner together and have drinks at home. If after a few times you feel it's going somewhere then you can resume taking her out for a nicer date. Basically, you are setting the standard that if someone blows you off they have to earn their place back with you.
> 8. Let her do the majority of the contacting and use those opportunities to set your next date. If you contact too much you'll look needy and insecure.
> 9. Don't take anything personally. Dating is supposed to be fun and if it's not you aren't doing it right.
> 10. If you don't feel like it is working then drop her and move onto the next. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
> 
> *#7 is how you deal with a woman ghosting you. It's not unusual to turn that into a booty call opportunity in the future. When she calls 3 weeks or so from now just tell her you'd love to see her and she can come over for a drink. *
> 
> Good luck!


I did all of that and continue to do all of that aside from 2,3, 9. I need to work on that. In terms of # 7, I would be doubtful she'd call or reach out again. That's only happened twice to me and it never turned into anything. Guess it depends person by person.


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## Spicy

This might not be as bad as you are thinking. 

Your communication was not to the point of daily or constantly. After initial success on dates, you had a couple of mixed up attempts at to spend time together that didn't work out, which seems to be totally no big deal to me, just scheduling misconnects... It sounds like maybe something bad has gone wrong in her life/family and who knows what she might be dealing with? Maybe she is overwhelmed dealing with it. 

If you really liked her and felt a connection, consider giving her the benefit of the doubt. It might be sweet to drop by a "thinking about you" type card and a little house plant that she will find on her doorstep when she gets home. I would make at least one more effort.


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## arbitrator

Spicy said:


> This might not be as bad as you are thinking.
> 
> Your communication was not to the point of daily or constantly. After initial success on dates, you had a couple of mixed up attempts at to spend time together that didn't work out, which seems to be totally no big deal to me, just scheduling misconnects... It sounds like maybe something bad has gone wrong in her life/family and who knows what she might be dealing with? Maybe she is overwhelmed dealing with it.
> 
> If you really liked her and felt a connection, consider giving her the benefit of the doubt. It might be sweet to drop by a "thinking about you" type card and a little house plant that she will find on her doorstep when she gets home. I would make at least one more effort.


*But only if she calls back, sincerely apologizes, and exhibits true contrition and responsibility for her actions or inactions!*


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## Spicy

arbitrator said:


> *But only if she calls back, sincerely apologizes, and exhibits true contrition and responsibility for her actions or inactions!*


Indeed, my friend.


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## Almost-Done

I took spicy's advice and just reached out one more time asking if she was okay. She immediately replied back and said all is okay now. I will call you tonight.

Received a text later in the evening:

Hey babe, just got out of work. Didn’t want u to think I forgot about you. I'll call you around lunch if that's cool with you. I hope to see you soon.

Who knows.


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## Evinrude58

Here the thing you are not taking into account:

If this person is an online dater......

She has exponential men trying to get a date. If one comes along that's more handsome or a faster talker..... what do you think she's gonna do? Some women love all that attention.

She is not as into you as you are her. You really need to reconsider her as a possibility.

You are doomed if she doesn't want the relationship just as much as you.

Find one that can't tolerate not being around you. If you were on her mind and interest was there, she'd find time to talk to you.


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## Rick Blaine

Just enjoy the experience. No need to over analyze. If one doesn't pan out, move on to another. Good matches take time to find. Whenever I dated someone and the match wasn't good we hugged, said goodbye, and didn't meet again. Simple as pie. No hard feelings or anxiety. I have funny stories about dates that went south, and at the time it happened I didn't fret. But when you find the right match you'll know pretty fast. Enjoy the ride and don't sweat the small stuff.


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## Evinrude58

Think to yourself: There is an endless supply of women for me. There is. 

This one you can keep or let go. Only stay with one that thinks you are THE man.

If she calls you, great. If she doesn't.......NEXT!!!!!!


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## Almost-Done

No doubt. That was my last reach out. If she doesn't call, then it's on her. I have reached out to others, but it's few and far between. It is what it is.

I do not particularly like dating. It seems a lot of women around here play these games. Maybe it's something in the water.


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## Rick Blaine

Almost-Done said:


> No doubt. That was my last reach out. If she doesn't call, then it's on her. I have reached out to others, but it's few and far between. It is what it is.
> 
> I do not particularly like dating. It seems a lot of women around here play these games. Maybe it's something in the water.


Maybe it's the type of women you're attracted to. Also, if you think about it, dating is a process of elimination. You get eliminated by some girls, and you eliminate others. Rinse and repeat until you find someone with whom the chemistry is great and the feelings are strong. 

How do your find your dates? Online dating sites? (If so, which do you use?) Bars and/or clubs? Blind dates set up by friends?

I met my current girlfriend on Match.com, and she and I have really hit it off. It took a few dating experiences to find the right person, but I like Match's format. I would not like to perpetually date, but it is fun over the short run. Like I said: have fun with it. Enjoy the sample platter. It don't last forever.


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## Bananapeel

If a woman likes you then she'll make dating her really easy. She'll initiate calls/texts, keep the conversation going on dates, and she'll seduce you and give you the porn star treatment. So, don't think of these things as games instead think of them as "tells" like in poker, only these show her level of interest. I love that women behave that way because it gives me a solid feel for where I stand with them. Basically, I can identify very quickly which women are into me and how intense their feelings are, and it saves me the time/expense from pursuing dead ends. Guys have "tells" too that women use to determine their level of interest so it's a universal thing.


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## Ynot

Two things come to mind here
First off, as Spicy said, things might have just happened in her life that she is dealing with. She might not be ghosting you, she just might be too involved with other things to be concerned about you. You are relatively new to her life and her life did not begin the day she met you. She may not feel it appropriate to involve you or have the time to negotiate discussing it with you at the present time. So I would give her the benefit of the doubt. And having said that, this:
Secondly, you have had only a couple of dates. I wouldn't let this bother me too much. If you are busy and active it should just be a minor bump in the road of your day to day existence. Get on with your life and perhaps reach out (as I have seen that you have) after a few days. 
I am looking forward to an update after your phone call.


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## CatJayBird

Bananapeel said:


> Since you are new to dating I'm going to give you the run down on how/why I do things when I first meet a woman that I am interested in.
> 
> 1. Only use the phone or texting to set dates when you are first starting the relationship. If you start talking to a woman on it or having texting conversations then she'll have less motivation to get to know you in person.
> 2. Don't ask her out for your next date while you are still on a date with her. Instead finish the date, then a couple days later call her and ask her out again. This builds anticipation.
> 3. Don't text before the date to confirm it's still on. Just show up at the location on time and expect her to do the same. If a woman is interested in you and something comes up then it should be her job to contact you to reschedule since she is changing plans. If she stands you up then you know she has a low romantic interest in you and isn't worth your time.
> 4. Try dates once per week at the beginning and then if you start getting into a relationship then you can see her more often. This frequency is pretty standard in getting to know someone.
> 5. If she cancels and tries to reschedule it means she's interested in seeing you so do your best to pick a different day/time. Don't get butt hurt because early in a relationship you aren't her priority yet.
> 6. Don't drop everything at the last minute to see her because it conveys you don't have a life. The exception is you can allow her to come over for a late night booty call. For example, when she had her Saturday night open up again you could have just said you had plans but she was welcome to meet you afterwards at your place for a drink at 9 PM.
> 7. If you ask her out twice (this includes via text) and she doesn't reply or agree to a date then cut all contact with her. You can resume contact and ask her out again only if she contacts you first. But, don't do anything special. Just do something low key like cook dinner together and have drinks at home. If after a few times you feel it's going somewhere then you can resume taking her out for a nicer date. Basically, you are setting the standard that if someone blows you off they have to earn their place back with you.
> 8. Let her do the majority of the contacting and use those opportunities to set your next date. If you contact too much you'll look needy and insecure.
> 9. Don't take anything personally. Dating is supposed to be fun and if it's not you aren't doing it right.
> 10. If you don't feel like it is working then drop her and move onto the next. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
> 
> *#7 is how you deal with a woman ghosting you. It's not unusual to turn that into a booty call opportunity in the future. When she calls 3 weeks or so from now just tell her you'd love to see her and she can come over for a drink. *
> 
> Good luck!


#8 kills me, yo! THAT sounds like you're playing a game and would turn me off completely. I'm of the mind frame if you want to text/call, then do it. If you don't then don't... I'm upfront and tell people that I sometimes text in succession just because I text what I'm thinking at the moment and no need to apologize for not responding to each one immediately. We are all adults, you should do what you want/feel. Communication about your expectations is key!


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## Ynot

CatJayBird said:


> #8 kills me, yo! THAT sounds like you're playing a game and would turn me off completely. I'm of the mind frame if you want to text/call, then do it. If you don't then don't... I'm upfront and tell people that I sometimes text in succession just because I text what I'm thinking at the moment and no need to apologize for not responding to each one immediately. We are all adults, you should do what you want/feel. Communication about your expectations is key!


I agree in principle. I think honesty is the best policy. I am not a fan of "rules". However, in some cases I guess they do serve a purpose. If one follows the "rules" they might avoid coming off as being clingy or needy (if that is what they are)


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## Bananapeel

CatJayBird said:


> #8 kills me, yo! THAT sounds like you're playing a game and would turn me off completely. I'm of the mind frame if you want to text/call, then do it. If you don't then don't... I'm upfront and tell people that I sometimes text in succession just because I text what I'm thinking at the moment and no need to apologize for not responding to each one immediately. We are all adults, you should do what you want/feel. Communication about your expectations is key!


Don't think of it as a game. Instead think of it as breaking a bad habit that insecure people have (or people new to dating), which is needing constant reassurance. You could tell the OP needed that reassurance based on some of his posts expressing frustration when her time to contact was longer than he thought was appropriate.


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## Ynot

Bananapeel said:


> Don't think of it as a game. Instead think of it as breaking a bad habit that insecure people have (or people new to dating), which is needing constant reassurance. You could tell the OP needed that reassurance based on some of his posts expressing frustration when her time to contact was longer than he thought was appropriate.


Good advice, especially about not thinking about as a game. I think this is something a lot of people forget.


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## Evinrude58

Bananapeel said:


> Don't think of it as a game. Instead think of it as breaking a bad habit that insecure people have (or people new to dating), which is needing constant reassurance. You could tell the OP needed that reassurance based on some of his posts expressing frustration when her time to contact was longer than he thought was appropriate.


No doubt. Until he realizes his self worth, he will likely have a hard time keeping a steady relationship. He's got to come to the conclusion that SHE should be just as worried about HIM being busy, not calling, not asking for a date, etc.
Right now, he's going to give this woman all the power to control whatever relationship they have and manipulate the OP to her whims. Naturally, she's going to subconsciously pick up on that and drop him like a bad habit, or take the opportunity to relegate him to doormat status. Most likely move on. No woman wants a man that is no challenge for long term. If she doesn't think he is quite a catch, she'll lose interest.

Sad, but true.

Personally, I think you're investing too many emotions in this woman at such an early time in your "relationshiP". YOu've got to be less willing to place such a high value on a woman's attention until they've proven themselves worthy of it. Don't be afraid to move forward. I think this one is NOT a keeper for YOU based on her actions.


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## Almost-Done

Rick Blaine said:


> Maybe it's the type of women you're attracted to. Also, if you think about it, dating is a process of elimination. You get eliminated by some girls, and you eliminate others. Rinse and repeat until you find someone with whom the chemistry is great and the feelings are strong.
> 
> How do your find your dates? Online dating sites? (If so, which do you use?) Bars and/or clubs? Blind dates set up by friends?
> 
> I met my current girlfriend on Match.com, and she and I have really hit it off. It took a few dating experiences to find the right person, but I like Match's format. I would not like to perpetually date, but it is fun over the short run. Like I said: have fun with it. Enjoy the sample platter. It don't last forever.


Mostly eHarmony and Match. Though, Out of 186 emails sent on Match, only 1 met up and didn't look at all like her profile. I do not go to clubs or bars. Tried local meetups, just weird people.


----------



## Almost-Done

Not investing really.. Just really cautious. Actually, I know my self-worth pretty well. It's just I've had a hard time with dating after my divorce. Prior to my wife, I had a lot of suitors. Now, very little. Yet, I am more successful, in better shape and modestly outgoing. Who knows. I did have one mini-relationship for a few months, but she liked to spin several plates; even after we discussed exclusivity. So, I am a bit guarded. 

She did call on the way home from work while she was on the train. She started a new job apparently and her sister was hospitalized. It wasn't a very good connection. She said, she's beat let's talk after 8 tonight. I finished up chatting with another woman and called her a bit after 8:30pm and it went to vm. Didn't leave a message. 

Not going to chase. She did sound beat, so she may had gone to sleep. Who knows.


----------



## arbitrator

Ynot said:


> *Good advice, especially about not thinking about it as a game. I think this is something a lot of people forget.*


*No matter how you look at the potentially hurtful art(game playing) of dating, "a game is a game is a game!" No matter how one thinks about it as being a totally natural and necessary social enterprise!

As for yours truly and the fine art of dating, I absolutely refuse to play any of these "games," no matter what they're referred to or how socially accepted that they are by society!*


----------



## Affaircare

@Almost-Done, 

Speaking as a female of the species, this is ridiculous. If she's this much trouble when you're just dating, imagine what she'll be when your entangled and exclusive! 

Seriously @Bananapeel's rules are just right. They show a good amount of healthy detachment but also give plenty of opportunity for MUTUAL action. Here's the thing, if you're the only one in the relationship who's acting, then it's not mutual, is it? You show your interest and give her enough rope--let her either hang herself with it or show ya she can swing! 

To be specific, if I were you I wouldn't call. If SHE wants this, let her do all the lifting including CALLING you (not texting) and setting up the date as in where she'd like to go or what she'd like to do. And by the way, I get it--I'm old-school--but TEXTING someone for a date? Nah! No man worth his salt is going to "text" a real woman in my generation. I think for the periodic "I'm thinking of you" during the day that's sweet, but for a date? No. Arrange it on the phone or in person.


----------



## Almost-Done

Affaircare said:


> @Almost-Done,
> 
> Speaking as a female of the species, this is ridiculous. If she's this much trouble when you're just dating, imagine what she'll be when your entangled and exclusive!
> 
> Seriously @Bananapeel's rules are just right. They show a good amount of healthy detachment but also give plenty of opportunity for MUTUAL action. Here's the thing, if you're the only one in the relationship who's acting, then it's not mutual, is it? You show your interest and give her enough rope--let her either hang herself with it or show ya she can swing!
> 
> To be specific, if I were you I wouldn't call. If SHE wants this, let her do all the lifting including CALLING you (not texting) and setting up the date as in where she'd like to go or what she'd like to do. And by the way, I get it--I'm old-school--but TEXTING someone for a date? Nah! No man worth his salt is going to "text" a real woman in my generation. I think for the periodic "I'm thinking of you" during the day that's sweet, but for a date? No. Arrange it on the phone or in person.


Agreed. However, you'd be surprised how many women I've e-met which prefer texting over voice. Dating has been a choir over the last few months. Not running after.


----------



## Evinrude58

Almost-Done said:


> Not investing really.. Just really cautious. Actually, I know my self-worth pretty well. It's just I've had a hard time with dating after my divorce. Prior to my wife, I had a lot of suitors. Now, very little. Yet, I am more successful, in better shape and modestly outgoing. Who knows. I did have one mini-relationship for a few months, but she liked to spin several plates; even after we discussed exclusivity. So, I am a bit guarded.
> 
> She did call on the way home from work while she was on the train. She started a new job apparently and her sister was hospitalized. It wasn't a very good connection. She said, she's beat let's talk after 8 tonight. I finished up chatting with another woman and called her a bit after 8:30pm and it went to vm. Didn't leave a message.
> 
> Not going to chase. She did sound beat, so she may had gone to sleep. Who knows.


Sounds like BS to me. Yeah, people will lie like that with no problem to someone they don't really care about.
NEXT..... gotta be your attitude.

I'm surprised you're having a dry spell. Are you really picky?
Stay that way.

Oh, and I think you've been misled. Texting is much less pressure than talking. One also gets time and opportunity to edit their response. Nithuing at all wrong with texting at first. But, yeah, talk and hear their voice before 1st date. Without the opp. To edit, the crazy usually comes out quickly in conversation.....


----------



## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> Sounds like BS to me. Yeah, people will lie like that with no problem to someone they don't really care about.
> NEXT..... gotta be your attitude.
> 
> I'm surprised you're having a dry spell. Are you really picky?
> Stay that way.


She was pretty specific on the details.

Not picky at all. I send communication requests all the time to the ones who'm I find attractive and like interests. 

Who knows anymore.


----------



## Spicy

You are hadling this great. Your eyes are wide open. Let's see what she does now.

On a personal note, when I met my husband he was early 40, never had been married. He was SO burned out by so many women that were just user duds that he had met on POF. He would take long breaks off the dating sites because he would get so frustrated. He just felt he wasn't finding anyone who was real, or wanted the same thing. He mostly felt like they wanted a free meal.

Then one day I joined and I was VERY real, it was VERY right, and we are VERY much in love. If she's not the right one, someone else is, and you will met her soon I hope.


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## Elizabeth001

Even if she was totally beat, she could have sent you a text to say so. 

I like texting for this very reason. Life gets busy and a text is something that you don’t have to respond to immediately. If it’s important or you have time to talk, make a call, but a quick text is a way of letting someone know you are thinking about them. 

I still say step away from this one, even if she reaches out again. My spidey senses are tingling. There’s someone else and she’s been keeping you on the hook in case it doesn’t work out. 

Run. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars

Almost-Done said:


> Agreed. However, you'd be surprised how many women I've e-met which prefer texting over voice. Dating has been a choir over the last few months. Not running after.


On this texting..

A voice can be allluring. I remember this from many, many years ago [when single]. 

Some women sound so delicious on the phone. They melt your' heart.

Others? Sound rather bland and cool.

When you meet up with them...Wow! What a difference between what you hear on the phone and the women standing before you.
............................................

On texting-

_Pluses:_

You get a sense of their verbal skills. Especially since they now have the opportunity to re-write their thoughts. Typing on the phone, notwithstanding!
Are they bubbly and happy in their writing?
Do they concentrate on you?



_Minuses:_

If they just blurt out words with no forethought, well, that tells you something.
Are they close lipped, formal and not sharing? Hiding their feelings?
Are they silent and just waiting for you to type, you, to ask written questions?
Are they depressed and down in their writing?
Putting down other people?
Making excuses for whatever?
If they are cagey in writing and not clear about anything, that is a red flag.

Do they limit their texting only about what interests them?


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## Bananapeel

Almost-Done said:


> Mostly eHarmony and Match. Though, Out of 186 emails sent on Match, only 1 met up and didn't look at all like her profile. I do not go to clubs or bars. Tried local meetups, just weird people.


This is a big part of your problem. Online dating is tough for the guys because the ratio of men to women is skewed. In real life there are about equal numbers of single men and women, but online there are a lot more men looking than women so women get to be exceedingly picky. Getting shot down that much is not good for your self esteem. 

Question for you about the date that didn't look like her profile. Did you still have the date with her or have the confidence to walk out because you don't tolerate dishonesty?


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## ButtPunch

Elizabeth001 said:


> There’s another man.
> 
> Step away. Not worth your effort.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This!


----------



## CatJayBird

Bananapeel said:


> This is a big part of your problem. Online dating is tough for the guys because the ratio of men to women is skewed. In real life there are about equal numbers of single men and women, but online there are a lot more men looking than women so women get to be exceedingly picky. Getting shot down that much is not good for your self esteem.
> 
> Question for you about the date that didn't look like her profile. Did you still have the date with her or have the confidence to walk out because you don't tolerate dishonesty?



That is so shady. An old pic maybe? I've seen a few of those on dudes profiles. Now I wonder if I look like my pics in real life.... :|


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## Almost-Done

I will say, she's not in for a free meal; which in this area is a rarity. She paid for our drinks on the first date, I paid for a quick bite to eat. Second date, she paid for the meal, I paid for the event. Nonetheless, I am just taking step by step. I was already burned a few months ago, so I am even more careful (and skeptical) at the same time. 

She texted me this morning apologizing for dozing off to sleep; but she was beat. Then she called at lunch. We're cooking at my place on Saturday. We'll see. She was much more awake on the phone today.

Your husband sounds like a good guy and I've had similar experiences. I've not been on POF, but have ZERO luck on Match (I think they're the same company now). Dating used to be simple. Now, it seems one party (man or woman) is trying to get something out of the other covertly. I know an ego for both plays a big role too. My ego is in check and I always treat with respect; even if it doesn't workout. I sometimes think I am a bit too old fashioned for this high tech instant gratification world we live in. Anything worth doing takes time and work. However, most seem not to want to do that. Again, we'll see. 

I do feel that when people had experienced a bad break-up or divorce, they've changed on the way they view relationships moving forward. I can say, I was neutral, but on guard after my divorce. Now, I am more skeptical than neutral after the last one was still playing the field after talking exclusivity. She seemed a bit entitled, but it is what it is.

Wish these smart phones and dating apps never existed. Too many choices make people (male and female) figure there's always someone better around the corner. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. Who knows. Most of the times, it's the later.


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## Almost-Done

Elizabeth001 said:


> Even if she was totally beat, she could have sent you a text to say so.
> 
> I like texting for this very reason. Life gets busy and a text is something that you don’t have to respond to immediately. If it’s important or you have time to talk, make a call, but a quick text is a way of letting someone know you are thinking about them.
> 
> I still say step away from this one, even if she reaches out again. My spidey senses are tingling. There’s someone else and she’s been keeping you on the hook in case it doesn’t work out.
> 
> Run.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


In her defense, she did when she woke up at 5:38 AM.


----------



## Almost-Done

Elizabeth001 said:


> Even if she was totally beat, she could have sent you a text to say so.
> 
> I like texting for this very reason. Life gets busy and a text is something that you don’t have to respond to immediately. If it’s important or you have time to talk, make a call, but a quick text is a way of letting someone know you are thinking about them.
> 
> I still say step away from this one, even if she reaches out again. My spidey senses are tingling. There’s someone else and she’s been keeping you on the hook in case it doesn’t work out.
> 
> Run.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





Bananapeel said:


> This is a big part of your problem. Online dating is tough for the guys because the ratio of men to women is skewed. In real life there are about equal numbers of single men and women, but online there are a lot more men looking than women so women get to be exceedingly picky. Getting shot down that much is not good for your self esteem.
> 
> Question for you about the date that didn't look like her profile. Did you still have the date with her or have the confidence to walk out because you don't tolerate dishonesty?


It was only a head shot, so I really didn't see the rest of her body. She stated she was in shape; she wasn't by a lot. It was only for drinks, so we went dutch. There was no connection. Said goodbye and that was that.

Yea, tell me about it. I feel like an ugly duckling with so much rejection. I know they are strangers, so I try not to take it personally, but sometimes I do. Most of the one's who do chat for a bit, but when I ask for their #, they ghost. 

It is a strange predicament to be in. Some women can be brutally mean as well in OLD. I do not care for it but, it is what it is.


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## Almost-Done

ButtPunch said:


> This!


I do not get that feeling.


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## Almost-Done

CatJayBird said:


> That is so shady. An old pic maybe? I've seen a few of those on dudes profiles. Now I wonder if I look like my pics in real life.... :|


Perhaps, not sure. I do not judge people on their weight. However, being in shape is important for me. Not just aesthetically, but health reasons. Every woman I met one of the first things I am told, I look like my pics or better. So, not sure what the issue is. I am not a person who likes to juggle many plates in the dating world. I know most do, but it's just too much work and too risky nowadays.


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## Evinrude58

Almost-Done said:


> I will say, she's not in for a free meal; which in this area is a rarity. *She paid for our drinks on the first date, I paid for a quick bite to eat. Second date, she paid for the meal, I paid for the event.* Nonetheless, I am just taking step by step. I was already burned a few months ago, so I am even more careful (and skeptical) at the same time.
> 
> *How could you leave out this huge piece of information???????*
> 
> *She texted me this morning apologizing for dozing off to sleep; but she was beat. Then she called at lunch.* We're cooking at my place on Saturday. We'll see. She was much more awake on the phone today.
> 
> *So she reached out to you AND made plans. Now that is a good sign.*
> 
> Your husband sounds like a good guy and I've had similar experiences. I've not been on POF, but have ZERO luck on Match (I think they're the same company now). Dating used to be simple. Now, it seems one party (man or woman) is trying to get something out of the other covertly. I know an ego for both plays a big role too. My ego is in check and I always treat with respect; even if it doesn't workout. I sometimes think I am a bit too old fashioned for this high tech instant gratification world we live in. Anything worth doing takes time and work. However, most seem not to want to do that. Again, we'll see.
> 
> I do feel that when people had experienced a bad break-up or divorce, they've changed on the way they view relationships moving forward. I can say, I was neutral, but on guard after my divorce. Now, I am more skeptical than neutral after the last one was still playing the field after talking exclusivity. She seemed a bit entitled, but it is what it is.
> 
> Wish these smart phones and dating apps never existed. Too many choices make people (male and female) figure there's always someone better around the corner. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. Who knows. Most of the times, it's the later.


Have fun. I think the fact that she was contributing to the cost of things you were doing together is a really, really good sign that you may have a winner. No wonder you're so worried about her sailing away. Not to say I have a problem paying for dates, but it's refreshing when a woman demonstrates that she understands things cost money and that's she's willing to reciprocate. I am giving you the thumbs up to keep dating this one, LOL. Good luck!


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## Bananapeel

Almost-Done said:


> *It was only a head shot, so I really didn't see the rest of her body*. She stated she was in shape; she wasn't by a lot. It was only for drinks, so we went dutch. There was no connection. Said goodbye and that was that.
> 
> Yea, tell me about it. I feel like an ugly duckling with so much rejection. I know they are strangers, so I try not to take it personally, but sometimes I do. Most of the one's who do chat for a bit, but when I ask for their #, they ghost.
> 
> It is a strange predicament to be in. Some women can be brutally mean as well in OLD. I do not care for it but, it is what it is.


Hahaha, that's a rookie mistake! The headshot is the kiss of death. From now on take it as a sign to mean she's huge and embarrassed by her body. Now you know to next time ask for a current whole body shot before you meet. 

Have you thought about having some of your friends set you up with their female friends? I have several female friends that are chomping at the bit for me to give them the go ahead to play matchmaker. I have declined their offer but it always feels good to have lots of options.

And @Evinrude58 is right. This one is interested in you. Just relax and let things develop at a natural pace without trying to force them.


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## CatJayBird

Bananapeel said:


> Hahaha, that's a rookie mistake! The headshot is the kiss of death. From now on take it as a sign to mean she's huge and embarrassed by her body. Now you know to next time ask for a current whole body shot before you meet.
> 
> Have you thought about having some of your friends set you up with their female friends? I have several female friends that are chomping at the bit for me to give them the go ahead to play matchmaker. I have declined their offer but it always feels good to have lots of options.
> 
> And @Evinrude58 is right. This one is interested in you. Just relax and let things develop at a natural pace without trying to force them.


All mine are headshots...lol, but I also have team fatty in my profile, so there's that!


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## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> Have fun. I think the fact that she was contributing to the cost of things you were doing together is a really, really good sign that you may have a winner. No wonder you're so worried about her sailing away. Not to say I have a problem paying for dates, but it's refreshing when a woman demonstrates that she understands things cost money and that's she's willing to reciprocate. I am giving you the thumbs up to keep dating this one, LOL. Good luck!


Agreed. I guess I do not want to read into anything too much one way or another.


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> Hahaha, that's a rookie mistake! The headshot is the kiss of death. From now on take it as a sign to mean she's huge and embarrassed by her body. Now you know to next time ask for a current whole body shot before you meet.
> 
> Have you thought about having some of your friends set you up with their female friends? I have several female friends that are chomping at the bit for me to give them the go ahead to play matchmaker. I have declined their offer but it always feels good to have lots of options.
> 
> And @Evinrude58 is right. This one is interested in you. Just relax and let things develop at a natural pace without trying to force them.


Working on it. I felt something was amiss with only three head shots, but she was local, so I took a shot. Friends long gone. Since they're all with a S.O., not much time for me. I understand. They have their own lives to tend to. I am not a person to intrude when I am not wanted. I do not run after people for attention. Tried making new ones. At 40, it's nearly impossible. The only way I can see this happening is if I move back to the city. Since I own a home already, this makes things very hard to do. Basically, social wise, I am screwed.


----------



## Almost-Done

CatJayBird said:


> All mine are headshots...lol, but I also have team fatty in my profile, so there's that!


To each their own.


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## Evinrude58

I only date the ones with bikini photos in their profiles.😁


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## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> I only date the ones with bikini photos in their profiles.😁


Tried that once. She actually replied that I do not like your pictures. Nice "woman".


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## Evinrude58

Almost-Done said:


> Tried that once. She actually replied that I do not like your pictures. Nice "woman".


Lol, the ones that put bikini photos would likely think your photos were much nicer if you were standing by a Ferrari in front of a mansion, while wiping your nose with 100$ bills.

Yeah, there are 99% duds on there. Just takes one, though.


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## Elizabeth001

I like to pay for the first dinner because it leaves me feeling less obligated for a redo if I’m not interested. 

Also, I would hope that it makes the statement that I am not needy or broke and looking for a free ride. 

You would be surprised at a lot of the reactions it gets. Most appreciate it. Some are intimidated by it. I like the intimidated guys. They are the easiest to cross off my list for further contact. Hahaaaa


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> Lol, the ones that put bikini photos would likely think your photos were much nicer if you were standing by a Ferrari in front of a mansion, while wiping your nose with 100$ bills.
> 
> Yeah, there are 99% duds on there. Just takes one, though.


Well, for me, 99.9%. I try not to judge or get angry at my lack of success. Thus, when one or more are interested, I usually think it's a trick or a game they are playing. Not that I do not deserve or not good enough. However, I've had several message and talk on the phone, then at the last minute, need to cancel or disappear. I am too old to play these games or run after them. Thus, when any attractive woman responds back, I take it with a grain of salt. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. This one's situation is a bit strange. I opened convo with her at the beginning of the year. I then met a different woman (who cheated on me) and just shut down my dating profile. I reactivated it in August and uploaded new pics of me as well as updated the profile. Surprisingly she reached out. So, I am thinking something may be wrong with her. Reason being, it's rare I have an attractive woman reach out to me on OLD. Even when they do, they chat for a bit and then ghost when I request their #. I asked if she's on any meds, she said no and laughed. I was quite serious. The last four were on 2 - 4 meds for anti-depression and anxiety (Isn't one enough)? She has a kind heart, as she said she moved back to take care of her Dad after he had surgery (I believe) and is in the process of finding an apt; but it needs to be relatively close to her father.

I gave her my address via text again and she confirmed for Saturday. I just hope she's not nuts or something. She looks like a young Melissa Milano from Who's the Boss or Charmed. I also know she broke off her engagement last year with her ex-fiancee. Ironically, it was the same month that I filed for divorce; I left that part out.

We will see.


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## Almost-Done

Elizabeth001 said:


> I like to pay for the first dinner because it leaves me feeling less obligated for a redo if I’m not interested.
> 
> Also, I would hope that it makes the statement that I am not needy or broke and looking for a free ride.
> 
> You would be surprised at a lot of the reactions it gets. Most appreciate it. Some are intimidated by it. I like the intimidated guys. They are the easiest to cross off my list for further contact. Hahaaaa
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You are in the minority my dear. This was only the third time in my dating career that a woman had offered to pay for drinks. I usually pay the first meal and request for them to pay for the second if there is one. If I feel nothing, I go dutch. When I go dutch, I NEVER hear from them again. I think it's a Northeast US thing where all the 20 - 40 somethings expect the men to pay for everything. So much for equality. 

I will also say, I was quite impressed that she paid for my drink the first time (only a Coke at a bar - I don't usually drink), she had some fruity drink, and she paid for the second date's food as well. I was shocked... Still, something must be at amiss. I could be over thinking it. I am told I often look for logic for an illogical situation (dealing with relationships).


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## Evinrude58

You can't fault women for expecting you to pay for dinner. No woman wants a guy that makes them feel they're not worth buying dinner for. Be careful with that line of thinking. You could miss out on a good one.

I am a little jaded and do believe the "average woman" is a little entitled when it comes to what they feel they should be bringing to the table in a relationship, and what they expect a man to bring.

I'd probably swoon if a lady offered to buy dinner once in a while. 
I have a gf that has coupons and gift cards to restaurants which she pulls out once in a while. I love a frugal woman that's not a spendthrift. Major turn-on for me to see them act "responsibly" with money.
If they are pleasant, patient, and courteous with low-wage service people...... I like that, too.
Unselfish behavior is sexy.😊

Hey, you make have a real jewel. You'll find out fairly quickly, but I think I'll date a woman for at least 2.5 years before I decide I trust her in the future.

Think positively!


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## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> You can't fault women for expecting you to pay for dinner. No woman wants a guy that makes them feel they're not worth buying dinner for. Be careful with that line of thinking. You could miss out on a good one.
> 
> I am a little jaded and do believe the "average woman" is a little entitled when it comes to what they feel they should be bringing to the table in a relationship, and what they expect a man to bring.
> 
> I'd probably swoon if a lady offered to buy dinner once in a while.
> I have a gf that has coupons and gift cards to restaurants which she pulls out once in a while. I love a frugal woman that's not a spendthrift. Major turn-on for me to see them act "responsibly" with money.
> If they are pleasant, patient, and courteous with low-wage service people...... I like that, too.
> Unselfish behavior is sexy.😊
> 
> Hey, you make have a real jewel. You'll find out fairly quickly, but I think I'll date a woman for at least 2.5 years before I decide I trust her in the future.
> 
> Think positively!


Nothing wrong with switching off paying for dinner or cooking at home. It's not a money issue. It's an issue about mutual respect.


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## Bananapeel

I'm old fashioned. If I ask a woman out I expect to pay since I asked her and I'm a gentleman. I won't turn it down if she occasionally offers to take me out but I figure her cost for dating me probably exceeds my expenditures by the time she gets her hair done, nails done, buys a new dress, etc. Then you add on the sexy lingerie for the end of the date, and that's not cheap either. It's expensive being a woman...at least the type that keeps up their appearance and tries to look good for me.  

Almost-Done - have a good time with her. But keep in the back of your mind for the future that OLD is not going to make it easy for you to meet a high quality woman based on the demographics of the population using it. It's not that it can't happen, it's just the odds are lower than using other means. And if you don't have a lot of friends in your social circle now, then it's time to make some lifestyle changes.


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## David51

She sounds childish, if I were you I'd be looking for an adult to date.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Almost-Done

It was actually quite a nice night. She helped cook and clean up. Was very friendly, talkative and we learned a lot about each other. There was some intimacy, but I didn't want to rush into sex. Much better talking in person than via text. :surprise:


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## Evinrude58

Sounds like a fun night and a good date. 
Helped clean up and cook?
👍👍

Just don't tell her you love her tomorrow.👻


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## happy as a clam

Am I the only one who thinks it's a bit odd that she called you Babe (texted "Hey Babe") after only the second date? Or maybe I'm just out of touch... 

Glad the date went well!


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## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> Just don't tell her you love her tomorrow.👻


LOL. Far from that. Maybe in time... Who knows.


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## Almost-Done

happy as a clam said:


> Am I the only one who thinks it's a bit odd that she called you Babe (texted "Hey Babe") after only the second date? Or maybe I'm just out of touch...
> 
> Glad the date went well!


I thought that was a bit odd as well. However, she could be just overly friendly. Not sure. Could just be her personality. She can be more open, where as I am more reserved. Again, not sure. I am just taking baby steps and not rushing in to anything. She is quite open about her salary and how her family is well off. Not sure if that is because she wants to come off as not a gold digger or materialistic woman. I've not asked her of this; nor have I've volunteered any information. I just say, I'm getting by. The last two women I dated were also pretty open on the same stuff. Again, never asked about it. I responded to both is, I'm getting by.


----------



## AVR1962

Here's another thought....I didn't read thru the whole thread but when a man asks me to his place for dinner too soon it sends up a red flag for me that the man wants to get me into bed rather wanting to get to know me. You then were not available which she may have seen as you seeing someone else....or it could be that she was dating you along with a few other men and she chose on of the other guys. I would not take it personally, just move on.


----------



## Almost-Done

AVR1962 said:


> Here's another thought....I didn't read thru the whole thread but when a man asks me to his place for dinner too soon it sends up a red flag for me that the man wants to get me into bed rather wanting to get to know me. You then were not available which she may have seen as you seeing someone else....or it could be that she was dating you along with a few other men and she chose on of the other guys. I would not take it personally, just move on.


Huh? Anyways, it may pay to read the last page prior to posting a response.


----------



## AVR1962

Almost-Done said:


> Huh? Anyways, it may pay to read the last page prior to posting a response.


I did, I must have missed something!!!


----------



## arbitrator

Almost-Done said:


> I thought that was a bit odd as well. However, she could be just overly friendly. Not sure. Could just be her personality. She can be more open, where as I am more reserved. Again, not sure. I am just taking baby steps and not rushing in to anything. She is quite open about her salary and how her family is well off. Not sure if that is because she wants to come off as not a gold digger or materialistic woman. I've not asked her of this; nor have I've volunteered any information. I just say, I'm getting by. The last two women I dated were also pretty open on the same stuff. Again, never asked about it. I responded to both is, I'm getting by.


*I'm exceedingly glad that you're getting "the date!" In that regard and in my dotage, I'm not even able to get a bunt single, but that's preeminently my fault due to my shyness attempting to meet or communicate with eligible women!

Should I ever get past that hurdle, I'll undoubtedly be knocking on your door asking for advice!

Go get'em Almost! And don't ever read too much or too little into their actions! Always keep your eyes and ears open!*


----------



## Almost-Done

arbitrator said:


> *I'm exceedingly glad that you're getting "the date!" In that regard and in my dotage, I'm not even able to get a bunt single, but that's preeminently my fault due to my shyness attempting to meet or communicate with eligible women!
> 
> Should I ever get past that hurdle, I'll undoubtedly be knocking on your door asking for advice!
> 
> Go get'em Almost! And don't ever read too much or too little into their actions! Always keep your eyes and ears open!*


Appreciate the comment, but I am no person to give advice on relationships. Trust when I say it's very hard for me to trust a woman again in a intimate relationship. Being cheated on and lied to tend to has this effect on some people. 

As for approaching women, never did that cold in person to a stranger. However, through online dating or meetup, it wasn't that hard. There already was a perceived interest. Just go for broke. You have a 50% chance of succeeding. However, if you do not try, then you have a 100% chance of nothing happening.

Give it a shot. I am sure you'd be surprised how well you'll perform.


----------



## Almost-Done

Interesting twist with the lady. She invited me over this weekend to a house she is house / dog sitting for a friend. I never heard of house sitting. She said she really wants to see me. Is this a thing? She even told me these people's name's. They're family friends or something. Just concerned about the legal aspects of being in someone else's house which is not the woman I am seeing. I also know she wasn't too pleased with me when I turned down sex last weekend.


----------



## Almost-Done

AVR1962 said:


> I did, I must have missed something!!!


Seemed I may had read the situation wrong. It happens.


----------



## Andy1001

Almost-Done said:


> Interesting twist with the lady. She invited me over this weekend to a house she is house / dog sitting for a friend. I never heard of house sitting. She said she really wants to see me. Is this a thing? She even told me these people's name's. They're family friends or something. Just concerned about the legal aspects of being in someone else's house which is not the woman I am seeing. I also know she wasn't too pleased with me when I turned down sex last weekend.


House sitting is very common and if you have pets it means they don’t have to be boarded in kennels etc.


----------



## arbitrator

Almost-Done said:


> Interesting twist with the lady. She invited me over this weekend to a house she is house / dog sitting for a friend. I never heard of house sitting. She said she really wants to see me. Is this a thing? She even told me these people's name's. They're family friends or something. Just concerned about the legal aspects of being in someone else's house which is not the woman I am seeing. I also know she wasn't too pleased with me when I turned down sex last weekend.


*Well, just don't be swinging around on a chandelier like a couple of sex-starved baboons in heat, or you might accidentally find out all about the legal ramifications of being in their house, more especially if and when wild sex breaks out between the two of you!*


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## Evinrude58

You rejected her? Why would you do that?

Better rock her world at the next opportunity.
Nobody likes to be rejected


----------



## naiveonedave

Evinrude58 said:


> You rejected her? Why would you do that?
> 
> Better rock her world at the next opportunity.
> Nobody likes to be rejected


I get wanting to wait, but never, ever, turn down a woman unless you are sick. Totally will make her think negatively of you.


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## SunCMars

Oh, Gawd...

Now you done it.

Dumbo.


----------



## Bananapeel

I agree with everyone else. Don't setup a date that has a high likelihood of sex if you aren't ready for it. So no dates that end up at a home alone unless you want to sleep with her. Instead do something where you meet in public if you feel like you just want to get to know her first before making that decision. By hanging out together alone and not sleeping with her you are acting like you aren't interested in her and it is likely that her interest level will rapidly decrease for you. 

When I was in college I helped a girlfriend housesit periodically and we always had sex in those houses. So if you are hanging out at those houses alone make sure to bring a bottle of wine and a condom.


----------



## Almost-Done

There was a 1.5+ make out session; so that was a plus. The reason why I didn't want to have penetration was the fact she was on her period. That may be okay for some, I was a bit hesitant. I guess I should had disclosed that in my previous post.


----------



## Almost-Done

So (I think) another twist; or I can be over thinking it. Spoke to her on Tuesday, she called me, after I texted her to see how her day was; which I thought was good sign. She said she was coming down with something, but okay. Offered to do something this weekend, but she said this house sitting thing, but said she wanted to see me. I said cool. Followed up with her on Thursday via text as I was running around all day, and she said she's with a stuffy nose or something. I suggested a decongestant, but she rather it take it's course. Segmented to this weekend and said I'd still be up for seeing you this weekend, if you are as well. She said, let's see how I feel and we left it at that. Since then, silence. I do not take this as a good sign. I feel like I'm being a bit needy if I hound her for tomorrow.

Certainly a strange predicament. I'm confused to say the least.


----------



## arbitrator

*Take her at her word, and if the "stuffiness" persists, drop her like a hot rock!

You need her attention and altruism a hell of a lot more than you need her damned gamesmanship!*


----------



## Bananapeel

AD - If you want to come off as confident, then just give her some space to rest and feel better. I can tell you exactly how I'd handle the situation. I'd do nothing and let her contact you when she's ready, and if/when that happens you just ask her out for your next date. My attitude is that you shouldn't date women unless they are very interested in you, and the only way you'll know that is if you give them the space to express that interest. So just be patient and if it's meant to be then she'll contact you again.


----------



## Almost-Done

No doubt. She did call me on Saturday and we spoke for a bit. She stated the doc gave her a zpack for her aliment. I said there's always next week. She then stated she'd love to see me next weekend or maybe during the week. I said sounds good. She was going to take it easy that night. I checked on her on Sunday to see how she's doing, and heard back a few hours later. Which, I thought was a change, as she usually responds back within a few mins. Prob., just over thinking it.


----------



## Bananapeel

Stop doubting yourself. You've got this!


----------



## Almost-Done

We shall see. I will reach out today or tomorrow after work. I do not like to seem too needy or desperate. I would had expected more communication from her. That's the only thing I find a bit out of place. Again, it could just be me over thinking things. I do this from time to time.


----------



## Evinrude58

Gotta stop obsessing about her.
If you keep investing all these emotions and it doesn't work out, you'll be crushed. 
If you continue the realationship and she knows you can't make it without her, she will treat you badly and lose respect for you until you break up.

I really think you should date other women until you get some kind of confirmation from her that she is wanting to be exclusive so you're not feeling needy for affirmation, and wait for her to bring up the exclusive thing.

Do NOT keep making yourself quite so easily available.


----------



## Almost-Done

Not really obsessing here. I can only focus on one woman at a time. I know many other people like to juggle several, I mentally and morally cannot. Not exactly sure how people do that. Several risks with diseases and such. It seems quite dangerous to do that these days.


----------



## Bananapeel

AD, I'm going to call you out on this -- you're just making excuses to justify/rationalize your behavior. Saying you can only focus on one woman at a time is BS. The truth is you want things to work with her so you aren't keeping your options open and talking with anyone else. This might be counterintuitive to you, but the guys with more options put out a more confident vibe so the women tend to try harder to attract them. Also, with less options available you are increasing the value of this one in your mind which increases the pressure you are feeling to make things work with her. It's a scarcity mindset and something you'd be better off if you could learn to avoid. The excuse about diseases is also the same. There's no risk of STD's if you aren't have sex with them. If you choose to have sex then as long as you are safe and making good choices the risks are very low.


----------



## Almost-Done

I do reach out to them online, however, the response rate is very very low. I did reach out to a few others yesterday, but hadn't heard back yet. I am not holding my breath on them or this one. I did call and leave a VM yesterday; never heard back. Gee, there's a surprise. It is what it is. If I contact too much, not good. If I contact too little, not good. Dating is way too complicated. It was easier last decade. 

My OLD subscription expires at the end of the month. After that, going to take a little break. Seems OLD is a means to an end for me.


----------



## AVR1962

Keep reaching out, it is the only way you are going to grow, figure out what you want and find what you want. I have found this online dating process to be quite interesting to say the least but I have met alot of interesting people. I think the biggest thing I have learned is that relationships are not like they were when we were in our 20's. Now you have to enjoy the moment without expectation ....if there is something there, great....if not, you move on. So you put your feelers out there, you get some responses, perhaps you might meet up but your body is going to send you a message as to whether you want to meet with this person again. You might get alot of dead ends, you might meet up with someone you like as a friend and then there will be others you are physically or emotionally, or mentally attracted to. It's all a matter of figuring out. I am a listener and men sense that so I have heard lots of interesting stories, met some really interesting men, all of which has been really good for me. I enjoy it when a man feels he can open up to me. There's a great deal of men with some very strong deep rooted feelings and it is wonderful to hear these expressed.Keep you mind open!


----------



## Bananapeel

@AVR1962 the difference here in experience is probably based on gender. There are far more men than women on most OLD sites, so you'll have a lot more options and find it a better experience than AD has. That's why I usually recommend that men try to meet people in real life because then they are on an even playing field. Actually, once people hit their mid 30's or later it seems like men have an easier time then women do in choosing a partner, assuming they are a decent guy and meeting IRL. 
@Almost-Done, you did the right thing. Now just wait. If she doesn't return your call then you know she's not interested at this point. She still might change her mind and if she does you can ask her out then for something simple like Netflix or dinner at your house. Do not bring up her blowing you off if that happens and do not treat her to a fancy date (e.g. restaurant). However, from what you've written I think she is actually interested in you and you just need to be patient and give her the time to come to you at her own pace. 

I'm going to tell you something a buddy told me about 20 years ago. He was the most successful guy that I've ever known with women (always had a line of hot women waiting for their chance with him). This guy talked to and gave his number to EVERY hot woman he met. I once asked him what percent called him back and he said 3-5%. So I asked how he felt about the rejection and he said it didn't bother him because he knew that if he was only getting 3-5% success he needed to hand his number to every woman he met if he constantly wanted to have a line of women waiting to date him. He'd typically approach 3-5 women a day, so each week he'd have 1-2 new women to see. So the take home message is that if OLD has a 1% success with you then you need to just expect that is part of the process and figure out a way to make it work for you, if you decide to keep with it. If you want to improve you odds just meet women during your day and get used to approaching, starting a conversation, accurately judging their level of interest in you, and asking for their number.


----------



## Almost-Done

AVR1962 said:


> Keep reaching out, it is the only way you are going to grow, figure out what you want and find what you want. I have found this online dating process to be quite interesting to say the least but I have met alot of interesting people. I think the biggest thing I have learned is that relationships are not like they were when we were in our 20's. Now you have to enjoy the moment without expectation ....if there is something there, great....if not, you move on. So you put your feelers out there, you get some responses, perhaps you might meet up but your body is going to send you a message as to whether you want to meet with this person again. You might get alot of dead ends, you might meet up with someone you like as a friend and then there will be others you are physically or emotionally, or mentally attracted to. It's all a matter of figuring out. I am a listener and men sense that so I have heard lots of interesting stories, met some really interesting men, all of which has been really good for me. I enjoy it when a man feels he can open up to me. There's a great deal of men with some very strong deep rooted feelings and it is wonderful to hear these expressed.Keep you mind open!


I of course do. However, OLD is much different for men than for women. For men, it's like pulling teeth. For women, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. There's no comparison. For kicks, if you wanted to see how it is on the other side (men's), open up a dating profile as a man. You will see how low the response rate for men is.


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> @AVR1962 the difference here in experience is probably based on gender. There are far more men than women on most OLD sites, so you'll have a lot more options and find it a better experience than AD has. That's why I usually recommend that men try to meet people in real life because then they are on an even playing field. Actually, once people hit their mid 30's or later it seems like men have an easier time then women do in choosing a partner, assuming they are a decent guy and meeting IRL.
> 
> @Almost-Done, you did the right thing. Now just wait. If she doesn't return your call then you know she's not interested at this point. She still might change her mind and if she does you can ask her out then for something simple like Netflix or dinner at your house. Do not bring up her blowing you off if that happens and do not treat her to a fancy date (e.g. restaurant). However, from what you've written I think she is actually interested in you and you just need to be patient and give her the time to come to you at her own pace.
> 
> I'm going to tell you something a buddy told me about 20 years ago. He was the most successful guy that I've ever known with women (always had a line of hot women waiting for their chance with him). This guy talked to and gave his number to EVERY hot woman he met. I once asked him what percent called him back and he said 3-5%. So I asked how he felt about the rejection and he said it didn't bother him because he knew that if he was only getting 3-5% success he needed to hand his number to every woman he met if he constantly wanted to have a line of women waiting to date him. He'd typically approach 3-5 women a day, so each week he'd have 1-2 new women to see. So the take home message is that if OLD has a 1% success with you then you need to just expect that is part of the process and figure out a way to make it work for you, if you decide to keep with it. If you want to improve you odds just meet women during your day and get used to approaching, starting a conversation, accurately judging their level of interest in you, and asking for their number.


I started to reach out to other women last week, as this one, I have no idea. She texted me last night after work and said she'd call, just has been a crazy hard week at work. Never called again. I just do not get it. The last time she did this, the next morning, she at least texted back saying I fell asleep. This is the same woman who two weekends ago said I really like you. Couldn't hang last weekend as she was on meds. Don't know. My trust for women in the dating realm is pretty low. I will play for it as it is. To say I am confused on her actions, would be understating it. 

I had a good amount of interest on OLD when I was 29. I am now 40, and dibbles here and there. Still have all my hair, in good shape, good job, I think a decent personality, but the results have been pathetic. I do find several women on the same sites, match, *******, eharmony, etc. They act the same. One, who I contacted over a decade ago did reach out to me twice. Back then, she wouldn't give me the time of day. Interestingly enough, she still has the same pictures up. I have little interest due to our previous encounter.


----------



## Lila

Almost-Done said:


> I of course do. However, OLD is much different for men than for women. For men, it's like pulling teeth. For women, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. There's no comparison. For kicks, if you wanted to see how it is on the other side (men's), open up a dating profile as a man. You will see how low the response rate for men is.


My question is not directed at you per se, but your comment prompted me to ask it. 

There is roughly an equal number of single men to women so why is OLD so heavily favored by men? 

And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?


----------



## Bananapeel

Almost-Done said:


> I started to reach out to other women last week, as this one, I have no idea. She texted me last night after work and said she'd call, just has been a crazy hard week at work. Never called again. I just do not get it. The last time she did this, the next morning, she at least texted back saying I fell asleep. This is the same woman who two weekends ago said I really like you. Couldn't hang last weekend as she was on meds. Don't know. My trust for women in the dating realm is pretty low. I will play for it as it is. To say I am confused on her actions, would be understating it.
> 
> It's really not confusing. If a woman is highly interested in you she'll make time for you. What's happening is she is showing low/moderate interest in you. The best way to deal with a low/moderate interest levels is to let her reach out to you when she's ready. If you become too available and contact her, then you'll look needy, which is unattractive, and she'll probably pass on seeing you again. If you date her a few times then her interest level can increase, but it's just not there yet.
> 
> I had a good amount of interest on OLD when I was 29. I am now 40, and dibbles here and there. Still have all my hair, in good shape, good job, I think a decent personality, but the results have been pathetic. I do find several women on the same sites, match, *******, eharmony, etc. They act the same. One, who I contacted over a decade ago did reach out to me twice. Back then, she wouldn't give me the time of day. Interestingly enough, she still has the same pictures up. I have little interest due to our previous encounter.
> 
> Again, your problem is you are using OLD. It's slated against you. The only way I know to even things out is to go to Tinder and swipe right on everyone (do this while you are watching TV and don't even pay attention). Then after you get matches you read their profiles and delete the ones you don't like and message the ones you do. This way you know that all of the matches at least find you attractive, so you'll get a much higher contact/date frequency. I know several people who are in LTR's from Tinder, so it's not just a hook up site, despite the reputation.


----------



## Elizabeth001

Almost-Done said:


> I started to reach out to other women last week, as this one, I have no idea. She texted me last night after work and said she'd call, just has been a crazy hard week at work. Never called again. I just do not get it. The last time she did this, the next morning, she at least texted back saying I fell asleep. This is the same woman who two weekends ago said I really like you. Couldn't hang last weekend as she was on meds. Don't know. My trust for women in the dating realm is pretty low. I will play for it as it is. To say I am confused on her actions, would be understating it.
> 
> 
> 
> I had a good amount of interest on OLD when I was 29. I am now 40, and dibbles here and there. Still have all my hair, in good shape, good job, I think a decent personality, but the results have been pathetic. I do find several women on the same sites, match, *******, eharmony, etc. They act the same. One, who I contacted over a decade ago did reach out to me twice. Back then, she wouldn't give me the time of day. Interestingly enough, she still has the same pictures up. I have little interest due to our previous encounter.




I’ll say it again...this person is giving you just enough to keep you dangling while she sees if something with someone else is going to work out or not. 

Don’t play pick me. Even if she does eventually, it probably won’t last and you’ll be caught up in the drama until it blows up.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Chuck71

Lila said:


> My question is not directed at you per se, but your comment prompted me to ask it.
> 
> There is roughly an equal number of single men to women so why is OLD so heavily favored by men?
> 
> And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?


Most guys prefer finding dates on OLD as compared to clubs / bars because it is MUCH

less expensive. My old running buddy from HS and college, we would go to bars and watch guys pay

for drink after drink and..... she leaves and doesn't even leave her #. The times they do.... no telling

how many were fake #s. Some guys would move on to another female the same night.... same results.

As many younger guys say, women 21-40 think they have this sense of entitlement. 

Guys don't mind paying for things but who wants to end up with dates where she just wanted a

free meal? Contrary to popular belief, we never really recovered fully from the recession

of ten years ago. Full time with benefits are shrinking. They want to wait longer.... before

they invest their money in a female. Many prefer to invest time which is free but... fleeting.

This is what I hear from guys who are seniors at the undergrad level and graduate level.

The undergrads are 22-26 mostly and grads are mostly 30s. As for me.... 45... females near my age

or older do not have that entitlement vibe for the most part..... maybe they do and I just avoid them.

But most are cool with low budget dates. I live near the mountains, several rivers, and 

lakes. I've done picnics often with excellent results. I'm not a fancy cook or a really skilled one

either.... but roughly every one really appreciated the effort I put in. -He put in the effort without

being asked.....awwwww- More often than not.... they reciprocate. 

Guys younger than me..... the ones I mentioned, have tried that. Not much luck...... maybe 33%.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Most guys prefer finding dates on OLD as compared to clubs / bars because it is MUCH
> 
> less expensive. My old running buddy from HS and college, we would go to bars and watch guys pay
> 
> for drink after drink and..... she leaves and doesn't even leave her #. The times they do.... no telling
> 
> how many were fake #s. Some guys would move on to another female the same night.... same results.
> 
> As many younger guys say, women 21-40 think they have this sense of entitlement.
> 
> Guys don't mind paying for things but who wants to end up with dates where she just wanted a
> 
> free meal? Contrary to popular belief, we never really recovered fully from the recession
> 
> of ten years ago. Full time with benefits are shrinking. They want to wait longer.... before
> 
> they invest their money in a female. Many prefer to invest time which is free but... fleeting.
> 
> This is what I hear from guys who are seniors at the undergrad level and graduate level.
> 
> The undergrads are 22-26 mostly and grads are mostly 30s. As for me.... 45... females near my age
> 
> or older do not have that entitlement vibe for the most part..... maybe they do and I just avoid them.
> 
> But most are cool with low budget dates. I live near the mountains, several rivers, and
> 
> lakes. I've done picnics often with excellent results. I'm not a fancy cook or a really skilled one
> 
> either.... but roughly every one really appreciated the effort I put in. -He put in the effort without
> 
> being asked.....awwwww- More often than not.... they reciprocate.
> 
> Guys younger than me..... the ones I mentioned, have tried that. Not much luck...... maybe 33%.


*If this is truly the case, let’s just say that I’m gladder than hell that I’m in that older generation!*


----------



## Almost-Done

Just an update, she offered to come over for dinner tonight on Saturday. I said sure. She texted a message stating she all of a sudden has to work late is afternoon. I wished her well. Just too hard to set something up.


----------



## Chuck71

No more calls...... NEXT! If she really liked you.... she will get in touch with you.

Female I have been seeing since spring.... we went out twice, she said she didn't feel anything.

I said ok, n/p. Ended it very friendly. Couple months later..... she starts messaging me.

Quite sly and coy..... but I knew. Even made her do the "song n dance" while I was still dating others.

She may call again, she may not. If she does, do not drop anything for another date.

If you planned to feed pigeons that evening, you're "busy."


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> No more calls...... NEXT! If she really liked you.... she will get in touch with you.
> 
> Female I have been seeing since spring.... we went out twice, she said she didn't feel anything.
> 
> I said ok, n/p. Ended it very friendly. Couple months later..... she starts messaging me.
> 
> Quite sly and coy..... but I knew. Even made her do the "song n dance" while I was still dating others.
> 
> She may call again, she may not. If she does, do not drop anything for another date.
> 
> If you planned to feed pigeons that evening, you're "busy."


No doubt. I just am surprised how it all fell apart. I doubt I'll hear from her again. I checked my phone, my message failed to send. So, she received no reply. I am not going to send it now.

It's just a shame. Not sure how anyone could learn about another person if they've not seen them in nearly 3 weeks. I've started conversing with other women.


----------



## Andy1001

Almost-Done said:


> No doubt. I just am surprised how it all fell apart. I doubt I'll hear from her again. I checked my phone, my message failed to send. So, she received no reply. I am not going to send it now.
> 
> It's just a shame. Not sure how anyone could learn about another person if they've not seen them in nearly 3 weeks. I've started conversing with other women.


Even your phone is telling you to move on.This woman is playing the field and even when she makes a date with you if someone else appears on the scene she knocks you back.
For your own self respect even if she does contact you again tell her you are seeing someone else.

What is your photo like on your dating profile,do you look smart and do your clothes fit well.If you can put up more than one pic then put up some showing you doing something interesting.If you have an interesting hobby then great but if it’s philately or something similar then save it.Guys need to realize they are competing with thousands of men and they have to look their best and also have to look interesting to attract women.


----------



## Satya

Almost-Done said:


> Just an update, she offered to come over for dinner tonight on Saturday. I said sure. She texted a message stating she all of a sudden has to work late is afternoon. I wished her well. Just too hard to set something up.


The thing many people don't get about dating is, it has to be like another job. That's how much dedication you must give it to do it right.

As an insanely busy woman, I often blew off my paid job to go have coffee lunch dates, early evening drink dates, and weekend dinner dates (yes, I work weekends too). It was necessary and worth it.

Without knowing her actual truth, my guess is that she hasn't "gotten" it yet and is still trying to balance it all.

You can't. Something has to give.

Carry on!


----------



## Almost-Done

Andy1001 said:


> What is your photo like on your dating profile,do you look smart and do your clothes fit well.If you can put up more than one pic then put up some showing you doing something interesting.If you have an interesting hobby then great but if it’s philately or something similar then save it.Guys need to realize they are competing with thousands of men and they have to look their best and also have to look interesting to attract women.


One head shot and seven with me in different situations or at events. I've listed my hobbies and went into details. It's not long. All is short and sweet.


----------



## Almost-Done

Satya said:


> The thing many people don't get about dating is, it has to be like another job. That's how much dedication you must give it to do it right.
> 
> As an insanely busy woman, I often blew off my paid job to go have coffee lunch dates, early evening drink dates, and weekend dinner dates (yes, I work weekends too). It was necessary and worth it.
> 
> Without knowing her actual truth, my guess is that she hasn't "gotten" it yet and is still trying to balance it all.
> 
> You can't. Something has to give.
> 
> Carry on!


Perhaps, as she was much more responsive prior to her new job. However, scheduling plans multiple times and then not going through with them is another. 1st time, sick and given a zpac. I okay, I can understand that. This past weekend, she was babysitting a family friend's house, but wanted to setup something on Monday. I thought, okay, no problem. Monday @ 5:30, have to stay late. I feel like a putz.


----------



## chillymorn69

Some time you have to stay late. If she calls or text its good.

She will call. She likes you. Be patient and don't chase her.


----------



## Chuck71

Satya said:


> The thing many people don't get about dating is, it has to be like another job. That's how much dedication you must give it to do it right.
> 
> As an insanely busy woman, I often blew off my paid job to go have coffee lunch dates, early evening drink dates, and weekend dinner dates (yes, I work weekends too). It was necessary and worth it.
> 
> Without knowing her actual truth, my guess is that she hasn't "gotten" it yet and is still trying to balance it all.
> 
> You can't. Something has to give.
> 
> Carry on!


Dating today is viewed like a phone...... the more gadgets, the better. The more oars in water,

the better. Not always........ How many buy a phone with all the gadgets at max $ and.....

may use 20% of them? Kinda like those TVs about twenty years back.... you pay 3x the price

for them, in case you need them. I just roll my eyes. But I was raised by two WW2 babies and they

were by Great Depression "coming of agers," so.... I view things much different.

No one sees multiple dating as an issue if it is "meet n greets," or first few dates. Yet we hear often

-I was ghosted-, -I liked him / her but I found out they were seeing other people-, or -S/he called off

the date at the last minute, bet they're out with someone else- This happens when you serial date.

Everybody loves to do it.... until they're the one left out in the cold. Nothing like dating though....

you get to meet professional daters and those who want a commitment after the first date

and want to move in with you by the end of the month. In many ways I wish I was 15 or 25 again...

even 35, but to date, the way things are now, hells no. Simply unneeded stress. Dating is much like

politics today.... everyone wants to bytch about it but no one is doing anything different.


----------



## Lonely Hubby 75

My 2 cents: its too early in your "friendship" to know what's going on.
My opinion on what happened that first weekend that she made plans and broke plans isthat its classic regular normal girl stuff. She was tugging and pulling to test how much crap can you take. MANY women do this for some reason, and they dont realize they will lost the good guys that dont put up with crap.
I'm glad you didnt let her do this. You might have gotten date at your house with possible sex, but then have a person around that doesnt respect you..hmmm not a good start. Unless this was a classic test only...but how knows.

About texting: do it! I disagree with all the people here that say dont text but call, because texting is the new calling. People keep in touch like that nowadays, chicks prefer it, it's quicker. Some people hate it and they will definitely let you know by not texting back. Before married, I have had numerous girlfriends that only texted me, no phonecalls...and we got along just fine. It has no impact on who the person really is and they will do or how they will behave.


----------



## Lonely Hubby 75

Lila said:


> My question is not directed at you per se, but your comment prompted me to ask it.
> 
> There is roughly an equal number of single men to women so why is OLD so heavily favored by men?
> 
> And, if women are not on OLD, what are they doing to meet men? Or are they just not dating?



I have many female single friends and from what I see they do several things at the same time. They have 3-4 dating apps and they are on them BUT they dont check them. When they do, men get these flimsy messages and never follow up. Some go to bars to meet people (worse idea ever), some stopped dating because of 2-3 jerks they met.
ALL are waiting for a charming stranger to approach them boldly on the street and treat them like a human being...and this never happens because guy never learned how to me charming yet sexual without being creepy.
Best results they get is from shared activities with groups of strangers. Hiking, beach volleyball, whatever!


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> Dating today is viewed like a phone...... the more gadgets, the better. The more oars in water,
> 
> the better. Not always........ How many buy a phone with all the gadgets at max $ and.....
> 
> may use 20% of them? Kinda like those TVs about twenty years back.... you pay 3x the price
> 
> for them, in case you need them. I just roll my eyes. But I was raised by two WW2 babies and they
> 
> were by Great Depression "coming of agers," so.... I view things much different.
> 
> No one sees multiple dating as an issue if it is "meet n greets," or first few dates. Yet we hear often
> 
> -I was ghosted-, -I liked him / her but I found out they were seeing other people-, or -S/he called off
> 
> the date at the last minute, bet they're out with someone else- This happens when you serial date.
> 
> Everybody loves to do it.... until they're the one left out in the cold. Nothing like dating though....
> 
> you get to meet professional daters and those who want a commitment after the first date
> 
> and want to move in with you by the end of the month. In many ways I wish I was 15 or 25 again...
> 
> even 35, but to date, the way things are now, hells no. Simply unneeded stress. Dating is much like
> 
> politics today.... everyone wants to bytch about it but no one is doing anything different.


Most of the women that I've "dated" seem to multi-date. They lie to you when you ask after a couple month's if they are dating other people, until you catch them and call them on their lies. Then, they just poof. This one was a bit different, she stated she only dates one guy at a time. Please note, I didn't bring this up, she did when she was over my place a couple of weeks ago and she said she really likes me. Hence, I was perplexed by her over the days and weeks later. I took what she said with a grain of salt, as I find so far in dating, people lie. 

Who knows. I do not run after anyone. I try to stay patient, but dating is a two lane street. Both people have to try and work at it. However, I find technology and so many dating/social apps have made dating HARDER, not easier for men; or at least me. I have had less interest now than I've had the last time I was OLD. Yet, I'm in better shape, more financially secure, etc. I do mention that under my status, I am divorced, not single. I wonder if that is a negative. Just trying to be honest. 

It seems women have a 100 + point check list to date a man within OLD. Where as you need to be a mix of Christian Gray, Channing Tatum and Denzel Washington in order to peek a woman's interest. Seems like a zero sum game.


----------



## Almost-Done

chillymorn69 said:


> Some time you have to stay late. If she calls or text its good.
> 
> She will call. She likes you. Be patient and don't chase her.


I do not chase and will let the chips fall where they may.


----------



## Almost-Done

Lonely Hubby 75 said:


> My 2 cents: its too early in your "friendship" to know what's going on.
> My opinion on what happened that first weekend that she made plans and broke plans isthat its classic regular normal girl stuff. She was tugging and pulling to test how much crap can you take. MANY women do this for some reason, and they dont realize they will lost the good guys that dont put up with crap.
> I'm glad you didnt let her do this. You might have gotten date at your house with possible sex, but then have a person around that doesnt respect you..hmmm not a good start. Unless this was a classic test only...but how knows.
> 
> About texting: do it! I disagree with all the people here that say dont text but call, because texting is the new calling. People keep in touch like that nowadays, chicks prefer it, it's quicker. Some people hate it and they will definitely let you know by not texting back. Before married, I have had numerous girlfriends that only texted me, no phonecalls...and we got along just fine. It has no impact on who the person really is and they will do or how they will behave.


Yea, never understood these sh!t tests. I do not mind texts, however, I'd prefer to hear to meet with the woman in real life. I do not live on my phone. I hear most women do, but I do not.


----------



## chillymorn69

Almost-Done said:


> I do not chase and will let the chips fall where they may.


Its one thing not to chase and another to realize that being so indifferent that you never cut them some slack when resonable. 

Food for thought.


----------



## Almost-Done

chillymorn69 said:


> Almost-Done said:
> 
> 
> 
> I do not chase and will let the chips fall where they may.
> 
> 
> 
> Its one thing not to chase and another to realize that being so indifferent that you never cut them some slack when resonable.
> 
> Food for thought.
Click to expand...

No doubt. I never reacted negatively, just let it go. Seems I?m doing all the work trying to make time for her. Yet, she?s too busy to see me. Okay, not a problem. I just didn?t respond. I hope she will reach out, but I doubt it. I am reaching out to other women in the meantime.

Cutting some slack, of course. However, show some initiative or interest to try to make some time. Seems I?m always contacting her. Didn?t start like this. Not sure what the deal is.


----------



## chillymorn69

Almost-Done said:


> No doubt. I never reacted negatively, just let it go. Seems I?m doing all the work trying to make time for her. Yet, she?s too busy to see me. Okay, not a problem. I just didn?t respond. I hope she will reach out, but I doubt it. I am reaching out to other women in the meantime.
> 
> Cutting some slack, of course. However, show some initiative or interest to try to make some time. Seems I?m always contacting her. Didn?t start like this. Not sure what the deal is.


You sound reasonable. Just keep to your standards.

I would try conventional dating/ meeting people. You know like when your food shopping and you see someone cute. Try to spark up a conversation if she thinks your cute she will be receptive. Just be friendly .

Yea she might be a snob and think your creepy ...oh well her loss. Eventually you will find one without that snobish personiality.

Online dating seems so fake everybody is trying too hard.

Like a damn resume for crying out loud.


----------



## Betrayedone

Almost-Done said:


> I do not chase and will let the chips fall where they may.


If you value your product, (what you have to offer), you have nothing to worry about. Just let it come to you...........No worries, no stress...........


----------



## Almost-Done

Just a little update. I signed up for another online dating service and guess who came up as one of my "picks". Yep, this one. She actually listed her town in a different city that where she originally was. I then went back to other profile where I met her and yes, she did update that town too. I know it wasn't wise, but I cannot stand liars. I just messaged her through the app saying I see you relocated. Hope you find what you're looking for. She wouldn't dare message back. I had a feeling something was up. I swear, the cesspool is amazing. I wonder if all the leftovers come to online dating. This is the crap we're left with. Amazing. 

Do I just get matched to liars and cheats? How do you trust anything that comes out of their mouths? The two previous ones I caught in lies as well. Not sure I am cut out for online dating. Unreal... Just unreal.

I also love the fact she implicitly said she only dates one guy at a time. She volunteered this information, I didn't ask for it . Again, just lies.


----------



## Elizabeth001

I tried to warn you pages back. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Almost-Done

Elizabeth001 said:


> I tried to warn you pages back.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


True. Doesn't make sense to continue lying.


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> Just a little update. I signed up for another online dating service and guess who came up as one of my "picks". Yep, this one. She actually listed her town in a different city that where she originally was. I then went back to other profile where I met her and yes, she did update that town too. I know it wasn't wise, but I cannot stand liars. I just messaged her through the app saying I see you relocated. Hope you find what you're looking for. She wouldn't dare message back. I had a feeling something was up. I swear, the cesspool is amazing. I wonder if all the leftovers come to online dating. This is the crap we're left with. Amazing.
> 
> Do I just get matched to liars and cheats? How do you trust anything that comes out of their mouths? The two previous ones I caught in lies as well. Not sure I am cut out for online dating. Unreal... Just unreal.
> 
> I also love the fact she implicitly said she only dates one guy at a time. She volunteered this information, I didn't ask for it . Again, just lies.


No matter what arena you meet potential mates at..... real life or on-line.... the older you get

the more broken or damaged people are. At your age.... if they have not dealt with their past....

they probably never will. There are four types you meet..... the fourth is the healthy people.

And yes.... they are the minority..... by far. I may have sent you the post on a previous thread.


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> No matter what arena you meet potential mates at..... real life or on-line.... the older you get
> 
> the more broken or damaged people are. At your age.... if they have not dealt with their past....
> 
> they probably never will. There are four types you meet..... the fourth is the healthy people.
> 
> And yes.... they are the minority..... by far. I may have sent you the post on a previous thread.


So... Basically I'm f*cked? I can deal with a lot. However, I cannot deal with liars. So far, first woman was dating others, when she told me she wasn't. I said we're done. Second one, this one, lied on dating other people, being "busy" and, oh yea, where she's now living. WTF. 

Just in case people think I am over reacting, I am not. I have been lied to, to my face by this. She actually, sat in my kitchen and lied to me looking me straight in the eye. The other one turned away when she was talking, thus that is how I did some investigating seeing that she was messing with other guys. How someone can lie to a person looking them straight in the eyes with sincerity is amazing. Most cannot do that.

Is this the status quo now? Lies Lies Lies?


----------



## Red Sonja

Chuck71 said:


> There are four types you meet..... the fourth is the healthy people.


Do tell ... what are types 1, 2 and 3?


----------



## Red Sonja

Almost-Done said:


> She actually listed her town in a different city that where she originally was. I then went back to other profile where I met her and yes, she did update that town too.


I see people do this all the time online ... they do it to change their "fishing" area or maybe to not be recognized ... who knows. It's silly.

And yes, there are liars everywhere. Look at it this way, you are not a liar and you are on OLD ... so there must be others like you. Just know your boundaries, keep looking and don't let the liars discourage you too much.


----------



## Chuck71

Red Sonja said:


> Do tell ... what are types 1, 2 and 3?


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: You actually posted on this thread.......

Geography always plays a pivotal role. After my break-up with post-D gf in late 2014, I dated a lot. A great deal of first contact to me were females exactly my age to early 50s. 42-51. They usually fell into four categories.... unresolved issues, never wanting to get serious again, utterly bitter, and healthy.

Unresolved issues... usually trust. I don't work well with these. If they have unresolved conflicts from previous relationships, I want no part of it. They should work on themselves THEN start dating. These show their red flags quickly... if you are not paying attention, they vagina bomb you and within six months, they want M. They want M first so they can finally unlock that closet full of her skeletons and hope you are a KISA / Mr. Fixer. Once you see these flags early on.... RUN. My last post in LaD Crossroads II gives a perfect example of one.

Never wanting to be serious... now if the woman has kids, most grown or in HS.... near fresh out of a M, I can see why she wouldn't. These want 2-3 nights a week and nothing more. No "where were you on nights you were not with her." Perfectooooo ..... wait about six weeks. Women must have that emotional connection. Maybe not at first, maybe it was just wild kinky sex. Then she wants a LTR, not M mind you, just LTR. Then.... they mix into the unresolved issues and bitterness. Well guys... this comes with most R. Guys..... if you don't want anything more than LTR or hot sex FWB.... this may be worth a try. LT for me.... no, I want kids.

The bitter ones.... fortunately these are spotted easily. Not a day goes by without her going on a tirade about her XH. You can have great sex and be laying in bed, "John never would finish.... he would get his jollies and roll over. He never held me after sex, he would get up and go to the den and watch ESPN or MLB." For some reason guys... you see why John did. These keep scorecards.... "You did more for me in the last month than John did the last three years." But..... when they drink and get nostalgic.... all those great memories she had with John. These are worse than the unresolved issues ones... at least the unresolved can maybe, get past things. These can't and truth be told.... don't want to.

Now the healthy ones... they're hard to find. They worked on themselves and freely admit they played a part in the crumbling of their M. They co-parent healthy and the kid's dad is happy his XW has met someone or at least, does not stir schit. But... this is from a guy's POV dating women. I am fully aware women dating D men has it's own challenges. Most of these are very approachable in terms of talking to. They understand, in my case, I would like to have children. They harbor no ill-will and will say up front.... if you can't see anything down the road because I am too old to have children, I'd love to date you but it can only go so far and.... I want more. Or they still want to date you.... granted both know going forward the other's wants.

From my early 20s to my mid-20s... I dated women in their 30s and even early 40s. I loved the maturity, no drama, no games, no BS. I had a blast! It did stop when I met my future XW.... I was 25, she was 32.

I see an astounding difference in say.... women 10-15 years older than I, circa 1996 and women 10-15 years younger than me today. Their values were so different, growing up in the late 60s, the 70s. Young adulthood in the early 80s.

Today... I feel like I am "dating the children of the women I used to date."


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> So... Basically I'm f*cked? I can deal with a lot. However, I cannot deal with liars. So far, first woman was dating others, when she told me she wasn't. I said we're done. Second one, this one, lied on dating other people, being "busy" and, oh yea, where she's now living. WTF.
> 
> Just in case people think I am over reacting, I am not. I have been lied to, to my face by this. She actually, sat in my kitchen and lied to me looking me straight in the eye. The other one turned away when she was talking, thus that is how I did some investigating seeing that she was messing with other guys. How someone can lie to a person looking them straight in the eyes with sincerity is amazing. Most cannot do that.
> 
> Is this the status quo now? Lies Lies Lies?


It IS frustrating. But you have your morals and boundaries. Don't EVER compromise them.

At least with me..... the women I have dated and got serious with, for the most part.... follow the

same pattern. If you have dated a female 3-4 times, you should be getting a vibe from her.

And if you have been dating steady (exclusive WETH you call it now), for a few months.... she should be

making time for you and going out of her way to be with you. I look for effort.... small and large.

Women do as well. There comes a point when the dating label is dropped for exclusivity. 

If I am dating a girl for over a couple months.... and I don't feel a strong vibe, I'm out.

I do agree though.... most people used to date one person at a time....well those over 25.


----------



## Almost-Done

Actually, very strange this one's behavior. She actually responded via online message and said, well, I never heard back from you when I cancelled and I work in that city, not live. HAHAHAHA.

Very strange behavior. Most people who live in one city, do not place their work zip code in another city 20 miles away. This one I am really perplexed. I felt something was up with all the secrets and not being able to see me for 3 weeks or so. You know when you get that feeling in your stomach that something is just not right.. That is what I felt. In addition, I caught her in another lie. She said she was engaged two years ago, but she was just engaged back in May 2016. Funny thing about Google. When a person uses their cellphone for dating AND work, you can find a heck of a lot of information about that person. Not sure if she's playing games or still engaged. However, very picurlar actions. Usually, when someone "likes" or has interest in you, you want to find time to hang out. Too many twists and turns for me.


----------



## Red Sonja

Red Sonja said:


> Do tell ... what are types 1, 2 and 3?





Chuck71 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: You actually posted on this thread.......


Does that mean I am the trifecta ... all three types rolled into one?


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> It IS frustrating. But you have your morals and boundaries. Don't EVER compromise them.
> 
> At least with me..... the women I have dated and got serious with, for the most part.... follow the
> 
> same pattern. If you have dated a female 3-4 times, you should be getting a vibe from her.
> 
> And if you have been dating steady (exclusive WETH you call it now), for a few months.... she should be
> 
> making time for you and going out of her way to be with you. I look for effort.... small and large.
> 
> Women do as well. There comes a point when the dating label is dropped for exclusivity.
> 
> If I am dating a girl for over a couple months.... and I don't feel a strong vibe, I'm out.
> 
> I do agree though.... most people used to date one person at a time....well those over 25.


Yea, things have certainly changed since I was last on online dating. Dating was fun, but this one, just to nail down a date, was work. I do not believe one should have to work that hard to just nail down a date. Excuse after excuse. Who knows. Just looking for honesty... It seems so hard to find these days. Everyone has their smoke and mirrors, and I just do not know why. Surrounded by fakes it seems.


----------



## Elizabeth001

Your spidey senses are tingling. lol 

Listen to them!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> Actually, very strange this one's behavior. She actually responded via online message and said, well, I never heard back from you when I cancelled and I work in that city, not live. HAHAHAHA.
> 
> Very strange behavior. Most people who live in one city, do not place their work zip code in another city 20 miles away. This one I am really perplexed. I felt something was up with all the secrets and not being able to see me for 3 weeks or so. You know when you get that feeling in your stomach that something is just not right.. That is what I felt. In addition, I caught her in another lie. She said she was engaged two years ago, but she was just engaged back in May 2016. Funny thing about Google. When a person uses their cellphone for dating AND work, you can find a heck of a lot of information about that person. Not sure if she's playing games or still engaged. However, very picurlar actions. Usually, when someone "likes" or has interest in you, you want to find time to hang out. Too many twists and turns for me.


Think how much work it would be to date her exclusively..... MOVE ON. If she was engaged in 

May 2016 and already on the dating circuit.... she ain't ready and she is definitely multi-dating.

If you grab a gal's attention, she will damn sure let you know. If not.... proceed along


----------



## Chuck71

Red Sonja said:


> Does that mean I am the trifecta ... all three types rolled into one?


Can't see that with you.......

Just how I have seen dating females 40 and up.

Plus the airhead 20something last year....


----------



## AVR1962

Almost-Done said:


> Just a little update. I signed up for another online dating service and guess who came up as one of my "picks". Yep, this one. She actually listed her town in a different city that where she originally was. I then went back to other profile where I met her and yes, she did update that town too. I know it wasn't wise, but I cannot stand liars. I just messaged her through the app saying I see you relocated. Hope you find what you're looking for. She wouldn't dare message back. I had a feeling something was up. I swear, the cesspool is amazing. I wonder if all the leftovers come to online dating. This is the crap we're left with. Amazing.
> 
> Do I just get matched to liars and cheats? How do you trust anything that comes out of their mouths? The two previous ones I caught in lies as well. Not sure I am cut out for online dating. Unreal... Just unreal.
> 
> I also love the fact she implicitly said she only dates one guy at a time. She volunteered this information, I didn't ask for it . Again, just lies.


Could be a scam. I was scammed a couple months ago and this person was also changing towns and zip codes.


----------



## Almost-Done

Yea, well, here is another update. She reached out again and wanted to come over and spend some time. I wasn't doing anything, so I said sure. She apologized for the miscommunication and wanted to work on our communication. We then made plans for Sunday, as Friday she said she's working late on Friday til 12:30 AM. I said, okay, whatever. I also said, well, I will not be far from your office, on Saturday, so if you are out early, let me know and we can get drinks or something. She said I will let you know. I said sure. She called me the next day to see what is going on, we spoke for a bit, and then I texted her on Thursday to see how her day was. Friday night, like at 10pm, she texted me hey with with a hand. I replied back a bit later with a hey hey, how's your night coming along. No response. Nothing on Saturday. On Sunday, I texted her asking her what time she's coming by. She wanted to spend the whole day together; which I told her I bet you will cancel. She said she won't. 20 mins later, I received this text:

I haven't heard from you. I made the attempt, you seem not to be interested. I thought you were going to ask me out last night. I’m looking for something more than just sex. I believe when you are into someone you at least text or want to speak to them daily.

I sent:
Huh??? I texted you on Friday, received no reply.

She sent: 

Sorry, I did reply back. I’m not dumb, you used that line already. Sorry

If you were really interested you would have called. I have been making the attempt, you invited me out to the city for last night and I never heard back from you. It’s rude and my pet peeve is lack of follow through.

I sent:

Texts the lady who cancelled four times now on me. I offered on Monday to do something with you, you said you were working until 12:30am.

She sent:

No I didn’t , don’t lie, I worked until really late, got home extremely late. You offered me! Ha nice choice of words.

I sent:

You told me you were working late on Saturday. You said 12:30. I thought that a bit weird, but okay. 

How is someone supposed to date you when you are never available? I’ve tried to be flexible around your schedule. I am shocked where all of this is coming from. Do you just love to create drama?

She sent:
Not sure why you are shocked, you ask someone out then you don’t even follow through the day of. I understood where I were coming from in the past. But honestly, this one is in you.

I sent: 
I am not going to argue. It was never about sex. For one, we’ve never even had sex. I’ve tried to take you out many times. Hint, today, I was going to take you to the new zoo exhibit. I thought it would be a nice treat. So much for that.

She sent:
I really need to cool down. 

I sent:

Whatever you say. Too much drama. This was my last time. I am done. 


I am not sure. I think she has mental issues. This was just lunacy. She sent a few other texts, I ignored them. I am like numb. How is "hey hey, how's your night coming along?" a line?


----------



## Chuck71

AVR1962 said:


> Could be a scam. I was scammed a couple months ago and this person was also changing towns and zip codes.


You see this on Match OFTEN...... their vocabulary gives it away. She said she put Chattanooga in location

since she attended a "party" there a few years ago. Now she is in Nigeria trying to save the world.

Ironic huh?


----------



## Almost-Done

AVR1962 said:


> Could be a scam. I was scammed a couple months ago and this person was also changing towns and zip codes.


Not fake or a scam. I found her on Google with her medical license #.


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> I am not sure. I think she has mental issues. This was just lunacy. She sent a few other texts, I ignored them. I am like numb. How is "hey hey, how's your night coming along?" a line?


Too......too much drama, games, and flakyness. She went by the "code of dating morals 2017"

until she knew you were interested. Once that was established....her flightiness began.

Cut her off...... I don't care if she shows up at your door in a trench coat and a teddy underneath.

Within a year.... broken engagement (that I don't think she shared, you discovered that), can't

make a date and stick to it or show up, can't even call you when she says she would.

What else do you need..... a rap sheet? AD..... I relate to you....we're same age (almost).

Dating has changed but what you're missing is the fact... you are a catch. You have the 3 Ps

Property
Paycheck
Personality

Don't be in such a hurry. When I first started dating DC early last year... I wasn't looking. And she made

the first advance...subtle but I noticed. Same thing with current gf. Guys want to impress

girls.... when they're 21... not 41. Be you... show your cards and if a female likes you.... she will start

showing hers. If not.... traverse along. There are advantages to being single and not dating.

Course... gets lonely at times... nice to have someone around when you're fav team is on... or

you want to go somewhere.... where 98% of the people there.... are couples.

Do you have a female friend IRL who you trust and who has known you a number of years?


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## AVR1962

Almost-Done said:


> If you were really interested you would have called. I have been making the attempt, you invited me out to the city for last night and I never heard back from you. It’s rude and my pet peeve is lack of follow through.


I think this one line is important and should be considered whole heartedly. I too have spoke on the phone or went out on a date with a man and then all he does is text, he doesn't call and we have no conversation. When a man does this I too feel he is not serious about getting to know me, we are not communicating....texting is not a way to get to know someone. If the guy asks for a second date after we have had nothing but texts I feel he is looking for a hook-up, even if we have not had sex, solely because there has been no communication in getting to know one another thru conversation.

There was a situation recently where this very good looking man and I were doing what you described and I finally told him I was taking myself off the dating scene. he seemed shocked and asked why and I told him I felt he was looking for someone as a booty call as we never talked on the phone. he replied back that it wasn't the case.

The man I am seeing now have talked every night since our first contact. I went exclusive with him for many reasons but one was because he was showing interest in me by calling. So keep that in mind.

The whole zip code changing thing still makes no sense.


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## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> Too......too much drama, games, and flakyness. She went by the "code of dating morals 2017"
> 
> until she knew you were interested. Once that was established....her flightiness began.
> 
> Cut her off...... I don't care if she shows up at your door in a trench coat and a teddy underneath.
> 
> Within a year.... broken engagement (that I don't think she shared, you discovered that), can't
> 
> make a date and stick to it or show up, can't even call you when she says she would.
> 
> What else do you need..... a rap sheet? AD..... I relate to you....we're same age (almost).
> 
> Dating has changed but what you're missing is the fact... you are a catch. You have the 3 Ps
> 
> Property
> Paycheck
> Personality
> 
> Don't be in such a hurry. When I first started dating DC early last year... I wasn't looking. And she made
> 
> the first advance...subtle but I noticed. Same thing with current gf. Guys want to impress
> 
> girls.... when they're 21... not 41. Be you... show your cards and if a female likes you.... she will start
> 
> showing hers. If not.... traverse along. There are advantages to being single and not dating.
> 
> Course... gets lonely at times... nice to have someone around when you're fav team is on... or
> 
> you want to go somewhere.... where 98% of the people there.... are couples.
> 
> Do you have a female friend IRL who you trust and who has known you a number of years?


Not rushing into anything. There maybe some others that I am going to pursue. I texted one tonight, she replied right back and said I am free any day you are. That was a nice change. I guess, I liked this one because of similar backgrounds, life experiences, etc. I know she works really hard, but when someone tells me I am going to make you a priority and see where this goes, then cancels. I will be honest, no woman has cancelled on my more than once. One and done. However, this one would cancel, then replan, cancel again. 

I hate dating. Hard to trust. Hard to see who's telling the truth and who's lying. I go by one rule in life. Blunt honesty and never lie. It seems the simplest things in life are the hardest to come by.

No, no female friends. My male one's told me to drop her a while ago.


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## Almost-Done

AVR1962 said:


> I think this one line is important and should be considered whole heartedly. I too have spoke on the phone or went out on a date with a man and then all he does is text, he doesn't call and we have no conversation. When a man does this I too feel he is not serious about getting to know me, we are not communicating....texting is not a way to get to know someone. If the guy asks for a second date after we have had nothing but texts I feel he is looking for a hook-up, even if we have not had sex, solely because there has been no communication in getting to know one another thru conversation.
> 
> There was a situation recently where this very good looking man and I were doing what you described and I finally told him I was taking myself off the dating scene. he seemed shocked and asked why and I told him I felt he was looking for someone as a booty call as we never talked on the phone. he replied back that it wasn't the case.
> 
> The man I am seeing now have talked every night since our first contact. I went exclusive with him for many reasons but one was because he was showing interest in me by calling. So keep that in mind.
> 
> The whole zip code changing thing still makes no sense.


Normally, I would had called, but it always went to VM. So, I texted and she texted right back. She called and told me she and her girlfriend wrote that message. I do not like to text, I prefer to talk. However, I am starting to build resentment towards the continued flakiness. One doesn't expect this around her age. If one cannot get in touch with someone via VM, they text. That is what I did. She happened to casually forget that she wanted to rip my clothes off a few weeks ago and I stopped that. So, that just sex thing is BS. I am not like that. Way too concerned about STDs. Dating is so different than ten years ago. I do not like it.


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## Bananapeel

AD, I'm going to give a quick analysis of a couple things that you can work on for the future. 

Part of your problem with plans with her is that you never made official plans. Instead you had possible plans that may or might not work out, depending on last minute scheduling. In the future instead of making iffy plans just ask her out for a specific day, date, time, location and see if she accepts. If you are waiting until the last minute to hear from her it conveys that you don't have a life and that you are OK waiting on her to make her decision. It comes off as being weak. If a woman says she wants to wait until the last minute to confirm, tell her NO. Say that you have a busy life and need to schedule things, so if she can't make definitive plans with you then you'll need to schedule for a different time when she knows she is free. If she still is flaky, then don't bother to pursue her. Just tell her that it looks like it won't work out with her busy schedule and she can let you know if her schedule opens up, and then you stop contact her until she starts playing by your rules. 

As far as the staying in constant communication, it is OK to tell a woman you don't do that. I personally don't want to be talking on the phone every night or texting all throughout the day because I have a lot of very important things going on and I don't have time for that. If a woman were to get whiny about a lack of contact I'd just agree that we need to catch up and schedule a date to do that (that's what dates are for!!). The theory behind this is you don't make yourself too available to someone you aren't yet in a committed relationship with. Save that for the special women that are worth your time. 

Also, don't ever argue with a woman the way your text argument went. You can't win and even if you do win, you still lose. At the first indication she wants to argue, just say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then don't reply any more. If you are in an actual relationship and a woman is argumentative it's a better tactic to just listen to what they are saying and try to understand their point of view.


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