# Marriage Avalanche



## ho-hum-conundrum (Oct 4, 2010)

I am brand new here and am in need of some sound advice...

My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 6. We are both 33 years old and have 2 sons, an 11 y.o and an 8 y.o. Do the math...got pregnant and decided to give it a shot.

So here we are now, 12 years later and the marriage is starting to avalanche. The biggest issue is CONTROL. I am a very adventurous, creative sprit. My husband USED TO BE when we first got together. The walls of his "comfort zone" (as he calls it) have been rapidly encroaching for the past couple years and I am starting to feel really STIFLED. He doesn't share my same love of dancing, writing, adventure, and just LETTING GO. He informed me tonight that we can never go on a vacation together again unless it's to an all-inclusive (which I detest), sorry if that offends anyone.  He says I get too "out of control" when we're away. I don't see it like that! I want to explore and snorkel and paint and DANCE!! 

Do I need to change to fit into the walls of his "Comfort zone"? Deny that part of myself that feels free and happy doing the things I love? For the REST OF MY LIFE? He is completely and totally unwilling to change that part of himself. He just won't do it. And he is also very against counseling and any outside advisement, which is why I am reaching out here....
Anyone else been in this type of situation?


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## ho-hum-conundrum (Oct 4, 2010)

I should add that this is not the first time I''ve been feeling like this. It's something that I think exists in the back of both of our minds: are we going to last?? Sometimes I think yes, but sometimes the thought of being stifled and controlled and attached to such a non-adventurous person is very scary....


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

Hi,

Have you tried to talk to him about this? Ask him what changed?

Is there a chance both of you could compromise on the interests, e.g. go on all inclusive holidays and the next one have an adventure one?

My relationship sounds very similar to yours. I loved adventure holidays and doing things, my husband at that time got involved in them too. Once we got married things changed - fun started to go - he was always angry and unhappy. In my case it was controlling and then led onto other things. Hopefully in your case it is just a case of adjustment.


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## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

So, he is uptight and dull, so you're not supposed to enjoy vacations ever again? Please forgive me, I'm half-joking. Your kind of vacation is what I prefer. If feasible, I don't even make hotel reservations, just plan as little as possible and go. But honestly, it does sound like he is stifling and controlling. It's his "my way or the highway" attitude that concerns me most. What about if you took turns planning the vacations and both agreed to be good sports about it? Or take separate vacations? Is he like this about everything?


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