# low sex drive but porn??



## NJEH (Jan 11, 2011)

This is kind of an update from my last post. I talked to my IC today and filled her in. I have been talking to her for about 4 months and she has talked to H once. She said she can't be sure because she only saw H that one time, but her take on this that H is the low sex drive spouse. When we teenagers, yes it was different because sex was more of a novelty then. Now we are adults and the last few years would be a better indication. She said some things I can see in my H. She thinks that he works in a very guys guys work enviro. and must hear how they talk. He must realize he is different, but why would he want to admit he is the problem, its easier to blame the wife/relationship. Throw in another girl giving him attention. Its excitting and he again thinks he isn't the problem....not realizing that this feeling is probably not a true measure of his sexual desire. IC thinks I need to bring this up to the MC. 
My one thing I thought of after was, that when we were frist married, I know H use to look at porn often (couple times a week). I don't think he does anymore, or he keeps it a secret. (Although, I never had an issue with it, so I don't know why he would.) Would a low desire male look at porn? I guess I need to read up on this topic more. What are your thoughts?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

my H tried to blame his lack of interest in sex with me with a low sex drive, but he looked at porn a lot during the week. I dont buy it for a second. If they had a low sex drive they wouldnt look at porn.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

If they have a low desire they would not need porn!


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## allenliving (Mar 8, 2011)

Not need it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If he's looking at porn but avoids engaging in sex, he may have the interest but be concerned about performance issues.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Porn is his escape for something else going on that he doesn't want to deal with. Alot of people turn to porn who don't want or don't know how to connect to another person emotionally. They can keep their distance with a human body, because its what they choose to do do. With porn they have that disconnect but still get a physical relief. You all need to find out why he is escaping into porn land and what exactly is it he is avoiding and why.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Another thing to consider to is, even though he may have a low sex drive and still watches porn, it could be more of a habit than anything. I used to smoke years ago. It got to the point to where I actually got tired of it and it did nothing for me much, but I continued on out of habit. I eventually put them down altogether and walked away. 

maybe it was his habit to porn that has caused his low sex drive to begin with? Who knows for sure.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Jamison said:


> Porn is his escape for something else going on that he doesn't want to deal with. Alot of people turn to porn who don't want or don't know how to connect to another person emotionally. They can keep their distance with a human body, because its what they choose to do do. With porn they have that disconnect but still get a physical relief. You all need to find out why he is escaping into porn land and what exactly is it he is avoiding and why.


:iagree: This is what I was thinking when I read your post. My H and I are going through rough times, and he is disconnecting from me because he is an emotional wreck. So instead of taking me, he chooses to go out and watch porn and masturbate. I also think, since he's so depressed, that it requires less "effort". I try not to take it personal, even though he denies it. But he has a need, just can't bring himself to initiate any kind of connection. It tears at him.


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

Well here we go.
Did you all foget one thing we are mear human beings. We all have needs, want's, and secrets.
So here is a challenge to all of you.
He who is without sin cast the first stone.
What I mean is this if your spouce want to view "porn" or wack willy or what ever it is and it bothers you . Then dont get mad give them what they are craving . I would say that 98% of people that use a stimulis have a itch not scratched.
So scratch for them and make them happy is it not why you are with then. Did you marry them so they would be miserable . 
Men need want and enjoy stimulation and so do women. 
So tell your partner if they need something you are willing to satify them. If your partner perfers Porn to you then you have desamated the relationship . So start over or move on.
So take some responceabilty. 
I bet if you said in a sweet and loving voice hunny I LOVE YOU can I watch that with you or even better lets try something new together. You would see a smile on their face or they would be in shock and not know how to respond!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

venis said:


> I bet if you said in a sweet and loving voice hunny I LOVE YOU can I watch that with you or even better lets try something new together. You would see a smile on their face or they would be in shock and not know how to respond!


You bet he wouldnt know how to respond because:

1. he got caught and doesnt know if he should lie or if she already knows too much and he should just come clean- but he does know he now feels a like a child.

2. you just abolished his one escape

3. he's corned into sharing it with you when that would really ruin it for him but if he turns you down now he's an even bigger a$$.

4. he'll have to come up with yet another reason why he doesnt want to try something new....and then brace for the fight.

He'll be speechless, alright. And then incredibly resentful. Been there, done that.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

But, there's no progress without pain or sacrifice...currently, the man is married to the OP, but emotionally, he could be relying on porn...you would think she has an interest in stopping it... 



Blanca said:


> You bet he wouldnt know how to respond because:
> 
> 1. he got caught and doesnt know if he should lie or if she already knows too much and he should just come clean- but he does know he now feels a like a child.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

Blanca said:


> You bet he wouldnt know how to respond because:
> 
> 1. he got caught and doesnt know if he should lie or if she already knows too much and he should just come clean- but he does know he now feels a like a child.
> 
> ...


This is not my intention. This sounds like you just want to bust his balls:lol: this attitude is bound to destroy everything. so just set him free if this is how you really feel


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> If he's looking at porn but avoids engaging in sex, he may have the interest but be concerned about performance issues.


This is what you guys said to me with my husband and porn.

He has ED issues, but has the interest, but worried about disappointing me, so it was easier to just look at the porn - no performance issues there.

Took a while for that to 'sink' into my hard-a** head, but it finally did!


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