# Holiday Problems



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Background: well-functioning wife for 60 years, a house move turned into serious problems 8 places to live, severe depression, anxiety for my wife, now situated in a nice house, but she has bought little to furnish it. Depression and anxiety remain despite counseling and medication. 

Thanksgiving has always been our holiday and we had sometimes 20+ people. We were planning on doing it this year and my wife seemed on board. My youngest son, a corporate executive who gives a lot of parties, has said we should get a dining room set and new couch and made a number of suggestions and offers to help. We looked, had a few we liked but my wife's sister had some negative comments and said we should evaluate the purchase for color and style compatibility and use a table and some folding chairs for the holiday.

Told my son today, he thought that didn't sound good, then later said some of the kids thought about it, and if we didn't have the furnishing and mom wasn't up to it and hadn't been able to plan we should have it at his house. (he lives 15 minutes away). My wife seemed devastated saying she couldn't do anything right. This was causing not alleviating stress for her. She seemed to be looking forward to the holiday with grandkids coming but as others point out, had not made plans. She had planned and arranged Thanksgiving for at least 25 years without a problem but this was before her illness.

I suggest we could expedite the dining room set purchase and return to our original plan. What do you think?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

to clarify married 33 years her age 67 moved 2 years ago.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I think you should all go out to eat. 😅


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I think it is ridiculous to buy new furniture just to host a family dinner. If the house is under furnished though, why don't you help her choose furniture? I would go into stores to do it, not look online because that can be too overwhelming for someone with mental health issues. Just doing _anything_ can be overwhelming.

And for the record, I used to host holiday dinners. I used our dining room table plus 1-2 folding tables, and folding chairs to fill in the extra seats. No one cared. If they do, I'd evaluate whether you want them in your life or not.

Something like this isn't the end of the world.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

The odds of you finding the “right” table in stock for delivery before Thanksgiving are slim to none. I wouldn’t add that stress to her life. If you want her to host then folding tables with table clothes are more than okay. I am guessing that your children are using the furniture as an excuse though, and they are really concerned that your wife will not be able to handle it. Will you have your entire family waiting around for 3+ hours past the stated serving time while your wife has a meltdown? Will the grandkids see their grandmother in tears?

Pulling together Thanksgiving is a lot for anyone. Seriously, it is a lot of work and a lot of stress to time everything correctly. Add having to get yourself and the house presentable at the same time and it is daunting. Some people make it look easy but it is not.

Perhaps encouraging her to take baby steps would yield better results. Getting to your son’s house on time with a side dish or pie in hand and enjoying her family might feel like a success she can build on.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I vote you tell her it's your turn to take care of this (all of it including all arrangements, cooking, etc) or have it at your sons house. I see your wife doing it having almost no upside. She isn't up to it and you already know it, as does some of the rest of the family.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would be so happy if I didn't have to do all the arranging and catering for such a large event. I would jump at the chance of going elsewhere.
If she has depression I can't understand why she wouldn't be relieved at the burden being lifted off her.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> If she has depression I can't understand why she wouldn't be relieved at the burden being lifted off her.


Because it's a reminder of something that she did successfully for 25 years but can no longer cope with. Another piece of her normal life lost to depression.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

How about a compromise? Get some folding tables & nice tablecloths. If your son the executive is all about the dining room table tell him to get one delivered to your house ASAP

Let your wife do what she can around the holiday but avail yourself of some "hacks" -- maybe buy a precooked turkey so you just have to heat it up. Have various family members bring the sides. But let her remain in charge


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