# Expose the affair?



## nj2012 (Feb 27, 2012)

Hi. This is my first time posting. DDay was 9/12/11. Husband left me and my 2 children after saying he was intimate with a co-worker over one weekend. He claims that initially they were "just friends". He was not remorseful, moved out of the house and talked about getting a divorce within the first 2 weeks. Since then he claims to me, family and friends that he and OW are not together and maintain a "professional relationship." Of course, since then I've found out bits and pieces of the truth on my own (cell phone records, credit card statements, etc) that this affair has been going on for at least 2 years. I have also been able to find out recently through emails that this affair is still going on but it's underground until divorce is settled (husband barely started the process). I am not looking to reconcile/save the marriage and already have a lawyer in place. I do, however, feel the need to expose the affair especially in their workplace (hospital, both are surgeons). Can anyone please give me their thoughts on what to do? Is it worth it to do? If so, how should I do it? Forward their emails to colleagues proving the affair? Is it illegal to go into his email account in the first place?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you are getting a divorce, I'm not sure you want to expose the affair to his work place. Could it get him fired? Where would you be financially if he is fired? How about your children. 

I had exactly this dilemma when I divorced my ex. He is a physician and was in an affair. It was one of many affairs he had over the years. I only found out about the other affairs when I found out about the last one. In the end I decided to not reveal it to his employer because it would not have helped me or our child. It was better for us if he kept his job. I did not care if the affair ended or not. I only wanted him out of my life. But he had to be our son’s life and I wanted child support. An unemployed physician cannot pay child support.

You do not need to disclose the affair on the ‘gossip’ level at his work because I can assure you that everyone already knows. Doctor’s offices and hospitals are like that. His friends and work colleagues knew about it all long before I did.

I did not disclose to his mother (only living parent) because she had told me years before that it was a man’s right to have affairs. Lovely lady.. I called her “the wicket witch of the west’ for good reasons.

However, I did disclose his affair, and all the others I knew about, to everyone who would listen. 

If you do disclose it make sure you have facts to show people because most people do not want to have to decide who to believe based on simply accusations and assurances of innocence.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

nj2012 said:


> Hi. This is my first time posting. DDay was 9/12/11. Husband left me and my 2 children after saying he was intimate with a co-worker over one weekend. He claims that initially they were "just friends". He was not remorseful, moved out of the house and talked about getting a divorce within the first 2 weeks. Since then he claims to me, family and friends that he and OW are not together and maintain a "professional relationship." Of course, since then I've found out bits and pieces of the truth on my own (cell phone records, credit card statements, etc) that this affair has been going on for at least 2 years. I have also been able to find out recently through emails that this affair is still going on but it's underground until divorce is settled (husband barely started the process). I am not looking to reconcile/save the marriage and already have a lawyer in place. I do, however, feel the need to expose the affair especially in their workplace (hospital, both are surgeons). Can anyone please give me their thoughts on what to do? Is it worth it to do? If so, how should I do it? Forward their emails to colleagues proving the affair? Is it illegal to go into his email account in the first place?


The answer is yes , to his parents and your and siblings. On her side to as many of her family and key friends you can get to. Many folk are afraid to expose to the work place citing a multitude of reasons. It is rare they lose their jobs however it should cause an investigation which makes life uncomfortable and help reality set in . There is always a chance for your marriage to recover once he is out of the fog and the consequences have set in . Furthermore waywards have a habit of gas lighting their spouses a exposure to family, friends and the workplace helps reverse and contain their lies.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Read

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

you have the answers.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

While married his email and yours are shared , I would be surprised he would try anything legal against you as it advertises his adultery. Make sure you have secure copies and try not to reveal your source.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

yes expose it - contact hr at the hospital and offer to meet them and show them the emails.


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## 5stringpicker (Feb 11, 2012)

You need to be really careful with revenge. An ole boy I know decided he would forgive his wife but couldn't leave it be with the ex-boyfriend. Since the fling had occurred between co-workers (the wife had quit) he decided he'd expose the boyfriend's diddling at work with a subordinate. What he failed to calculate was that the boyfriend made a couple of hidden camera videos. As payback the boyfriend published them on the internet and sent a number of people the site address. Remember the old Chinese proverb, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves".


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposure is not about revenge.

It is about making the affair costly for both cheaters to continue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nj2012 (Feb 27, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your responses! I wasn't going to do anything about it until I was reading emails of the OW being jealous of his time with our kids. And he was feeling guilty for being with the kids rather than her! I'm sick of the lies he's creating when my kids ask if they could see him when he's really with her. I know deep down he loves his kids but he's so stuck in the affair fog that he can't stand up for himself when it comes to his kids. It's not hurting me anymore but it's affecting my kids and that's why I feel they need to be exposed. I don't think he'll get fired since he is a partner in his practice.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

What is it about doctors and affairs? Dealing with my W's EA with another physician.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

What is it about people and affairs? The workplace, ANY workplace, is often where it starts. Not just docs. Just sayin'.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

if she is married, exposure to her family is definitely called for. 

but if she isn't, there's no reason here why the "cheaters" can't continue. you two are headed for divorce and if he's fooling around now, it's none of your business. going to hr at the hospital will look like nothing more than revenge.

btw - you were the last to know. i'd bet most people at the hospital already know.


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