# Separation



## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

It looks like divorce is starting to conclude things in my situation. My and wife are considering separating for a few months as a last resort and seeing how that goes. Anyone have any luck with this? It seems like it's just delaying the inevitable in addition to having one person living in the house and the other elsewhere while paying for the mortgage jointly.


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## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

I don't have any experience with separation but I can say that I've heard that the general thought these days is that it just delays the inevitable. This is the way I view it. If divorce is inevitable, then why prolong things? However, if there's any doubt what so ever as to the chance for the marriage to work, getting away may make things become more clear from the outside, without the every day conflict of arguing, etc. With this, it may be what is needed to see the problems in the relationship in a better light and to prepare yourself to take on those problems if you think there is still a chance. It also can mean that when looking from the outside in, you may discover that it's just over and leaving was the best thing for both of you. Bottom line is if there's doubt what so ever, separation can be a good thing, especially because there's no turning back after divorce and some people actually do regret going through with it and wonder if it could have been worked out when it's all said and done.

On another note, I know what you mean about worrying about the financial aspects. I guess that part shouldn't come into play in general, but in this day and age, and with the economy, it is a real consideration. I know where you're coming from as I struggle with this thought process daily when considering possible separation or even divorce as well since both scenarios would be costly.

Keep us posted. And good luck in your decision.


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

There must be a clear goal in separation otherwise it is only delaying divorce. I share the mind that separation achieves very little and is as much a last resort as divorce itself.

Without communication there is very little to be gained in the relationship.


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

Thank you for your comments. 

There's been a lot of resentment for a long time coming from my spouse but after the possibility of divorce became very real this weekend it was somewhat relieving to us both in a way in that if things do not work out that option is indeed on the table. As far as separating, which was more of her idea as she still has feelings for me and is confused in many ways despite veering toward divorce, she feels like it takes her out of the emotional warzone which is our home that is too difficult for her to deal with on a daily basis. I put out where I stand and hope we can think about things a little more clearly. The most difficult part is that if we are around each other we may sometimes break down and still show affection and are still capable of having a good time together. It's so confusing wondering if you are forcing something a little bit superficially or if it's something that can continue to be sustainable in the long run.


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

Alright, so my wife seemed to be in a much better mood after the whole divorce and separation talk. She lets me hug her and show some affection and has opened up communication, but should I intrepret this as a bad sign? I feel like it either took off the pressure to walk on eggshells or that she's in a better mood knowing she may end up leaving.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Just go with it, maybe without all the day to day stressing she will get a better grip on her feelings for you.....take it slowly, go with just the little hugs for now, don't push her, make her feel safe with you again and maybe she will see you in a different light, it's at least worth a try....all marriages are, until she is moved out you have a chance at re-building, you just have to view it the right way....sometimes it only takes one of you to turn things around, even if it doesn't feel totally right......it will take time to get to that. If it doesn't work out at least you tried all you could.....
good luck and merry xmas


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

Not too amped about my situation considering that 60-70% of separations end up in divorce....


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

If you seperate and smebody doesn't try to reconnect yes divorce is inevitable. You will grow further apart. I think that seperation is needed in hostile life styles. If you and your wife are fighting all the time and she gets very angry just seeing you then you need to seperate. Yet you have to make plans in the future to talk and see how each other feels.. Just take it one day at a time. I was seperated from my wife 5 years ago for 2 months. She came back before xmas. then fell into it again but no seperation. She finally stepped up..


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Go with your plan and have the clear goal in mind - reconciliation. Do what it takes to make this happen, and see the response from your wife. All the best in that.


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## pcp316 (Dec 18, 2009)

JMAN777 said:


> Not too amped about my situation considering that 60-70% of separations end up in divorce....


Where did you get this info from? My wife is getting an apartment with a 3 month lease and would like to know our chances.


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

pcp316 said:


> Where did you get this info from? My wife is getting an apartment with a 3 month lease and would like to know our chances.


My marriage counselor. I don't think I'd draw too much from this observation as your individual situation will be unique. One month is enough for me just to say I did it. I think in my case we're wasting time. I'm so drained and have almost given up already. I won't continue if my spouse doesn't want to effort in after the break. Total BS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pcp316 (Dec 18, 2009)

JMAN777 said:


> My marriage counselor. I don't think I'd draw too much from this observation as your individual situation will be unique. One month is enough for me just to say I did it. I think in my case we're wasting time. I'm so drained and have almost given up already. I won't continue if my spouse doesn't want to effort in after the break. Total BS.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sucks, so sorry to hear about that. I almost think it would be easier if I knew it was over, seems sometimes like I care to much about the relationship and kind of overanalyze and nitpick things that are going on. I helped her move out today and am just hoping for the best. Hope the New Year brings you some better times.


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