# This can't be happening



## Sharktank (Jan 2, 2011)

So last Friday I found out my wife cheated on me. I have never
felt this kind of pain before. My whole world have been turned up side down. I think I am looking to vent, get opions somehting. 

My wife and I have been together for 18 years, married for 8.
We have two small childern and had been living a pretty good 
life. 
Three monts ago my wife had the oportunity to accept a great job out of town. We discussed it and made the decision that she would accept the job. The plan was that she would start 
the new job, while I stayed back and took care of the kids 
and tried to sell the house. This has not been easy on both of us. She was flying back and forth every other weekend. 

She was back home over the holiday's for two weeks. It was great to be together as a family during the holiday's. 
Well then it all went south. Last Friday my son was playing a game on my wifes phone. He handed me the phone ,my son had manged to open her mail box on her phone. So I gave it a 
scan and then my whole world cracked. 

I guess I must have been suspisous, but I came across an email 
string between her and another guy that I did not know. 
So I opened it. It killed me, he was talking in graphic detail about the night they spent togther. The next one was my wifes response about the night and asking him if he wanted to get together in Febuary. I went back through the string and found 
they aslo had been sending pictures back and forth. 

I forwarded the emails to make sure I had the proof. Then
I went online to try and find out who this other guy was. 
All the time my wife was sleeping. Then I confronted her.

I woke her up and asked who this guy was. She looked and me 
in shock and told me the story. This other guy was here first boyfriend. They had reconnected on some web site. 
I guess it started out with friendley emails and then progressed. They do not live in the same state, so they 
started sending pics back and forth. Then It progressed to 
them having cam sex at night while I was sleeping. Then my wife went too a confrence in his state in sept of 2009 and that is when they did it. According to her there has been no other real or cam sex between them since. Just a couple email's from 
time to time back and forth. Oh and this other guy is married.
She has been open and honest about what has happned. 
She has sent a email to the other guy informing that she wanted
to end the relationhship. 
She states she does love me. She states it was an escape from 
every day life. That it happned over a year ago and that if she wanted too do it again she could of. She say's this last email exchange was just play/fantasy and nothing more. 

I do belive she still does love me. She has answered every question I have asked. States she will do anything to keep
me from leaving, but it is hard. 

My wife flew back to her job this Sunday. We are talking 
every night, but it hurts. 
We have agreed to see a marriage counsler when see comes
back home in two weeks. 

So here I am, working, take care of kids and trying to get our
house sold so we can move to be with my cheating wife. 

The affair happened over a year ago but it still hurts.
I am so confused and hurt and not sure what to do. 
How can we even work on our marriage when we only see 
each other every other week ? It just seems to be doomed
She said she would quit here job and move back to work
things out. 

Any help would be great.........I need it. 



string and there were naked pictures my wife had taken and sent to him. Along with


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have you requested all her passwords for her phone, email,etc..
Having this info will help in going online and confirming that she really is in no contact with OM. This is of the up most importance! 

Then I have to say, if she is this much forthcoming with the answers to your questions she may be on board (for real). Most DS don't like talking about it when there still involved, so thats good.

The second thing is her job, you both really need to be together RIGHT NOW, see if she can take some time off for a family emergency? You need to move now or she quits her job, the set up you have will not help you heal. She really need to be around you and show her 100% commitment.

I can only hope that she is not still continuing her bad behavior (with someone else) b/c she really hasn't suffered the consequences. So for know the most important thing is to keep on on her cell phone and emails so you can confirm there is no one new. If you have the means a PI in her area may help in confirming that she truely want only you.

I can't imagine tring to reconnect with my cheating wife if she was not around. It was so important for me to know for sure that she stopped all contact with OM. I felt I was lucky, at lot of guys end up fighting for there family and all the wife wants to do is go out and party.

So for know get some cameras for the computers and at least do some video confrenceing in the evening when are both home from work. They may help in seeing that she is home and the both of you can see each other.

One more thing, don't beg or plead thats not very sexy, chicks like strong and confident men. Don't be the cry guy even though your heart is ripped out. Show her you can handle it and will not stay down. What counts is how we get back up.

Good luck


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Sharktank said:


> *She states she does love me. She states it was an escape from
> every day life. That it happned over a year ago and that if she wanted too do it again she could of. She say's this last email exchange was just play/fantasy and nothing more. *


Wow, aren't you thankful that she was so loving and considerate and doesn't her declaration that she could have cheated again really comfort you? Tell her you are arranging a polygraph for the next time she is home, because you can't honestly believe that she did it only once with him in a year. Especially since she was making arrangement for February. 

*REMEMBER. YOU CAUGHT HER. SHE DID NOT CONFESS. SHE WAS GOING TO DO IT AGAIN. YOU CANNOT BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAYS......NOT ONE!* 

You and her both need to get tested for STDs. This is not just for both your health. But is also a consequence. You need to go together. And when they ask why you believe you could have been infected, tell the doctor (in front of her) "We need to get tested because my wife cheated on me" 

Next, you had better interview your counselor thoroughly. First find out if they are PRO marriage. Some will be more then happy to justify the cheating and separation or divorce. 

Next, expose to absolutely everyone. Your family, her family, friends and most of all the POSOMS wife. 

*YOUR WIFE DID THIS TO YOU BECAUSE SHE LOST RESPECT FOR YOU. ITS THAT SIMPLE. SHE SAYS SHE LOVES YOU. YOU CANNOT HAVE LOVE WITHOUT RESPECT. THERE MUST BE CONTRITION ON HER PART. AND I GUARANTEE YOU IF SHE IS STILL HIDING INFORMATION FROM YOU. SHE IS STILL DISRESPECTING YOU.*

You need to take back your self respect. DO NOT LET HER BLAME SHIFT!

DO NOT CHASE HER. DO NOT BEG, DO NOT FOLLOW HER AROUND, AND DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE TOGETHER. DO NOT TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. SHE HAS A LOT OF WORK TO DO. STAY STRONG.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The affair predated her move away. When she had it she was at home did you detect any problems duing the time period she was having the affair? 

What concerns me is that she cheated right under your nose and now she has ample freedom and noting to stop her from having another affair. I think you should be vigilant. This is so serious that I don't think you should be apart. If she is really interested in working on the marriage I think she should come back home. You need her support to get through this. You're working and caring for kids and dealing with this emotional turmoil. Yu need your wife back to take up some of the burden. I don't think long distance will not work to get things back on tract. 

She can look fo a position close to home. It a sacrifice you both should be willing to take to save your marriage. Words are cheap, she will have match her words with action and do what is best for your marriage.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Initfortheduration said:


> *REMEMBER. YOU CAUGHT HER. SHE DID NOT CONFESS. SHE WAS GOING TO DO IT AGAIN. YOU CANNOT BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAYS......NOT ONE!*
> 
> YOUR WIFE DID THIS TO YOU BECAUSE SHE LOST RESPECT FOR YOU. ITS THAT SIMPLE. SHE SAYS SHE LOVES YOU. YOU CANNOT HAVE LOVE WITHOUT RESPECT. THERE MUST BE CONTRITION ON HER PART. AND I GUARANTEE YOU IF SHE IS STILL HIDING INFORMATION FROM YOU. SHE IS STILL DISRESPECTING YOU.[/B]
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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