# What's the worst that could happen



## dionysos803 (May 12, 2016)

Hello all, long time reader first time posting. I'm at the point where I just do not see it working out any longer. My wife and I just "celebrated" our one year anniversary ( married 1 year together for 6).

As it turns out I did not marry the person I thoughthe I knew from our 5 years of courting. I found out most of what she told me about her past and accomplishments were all lies after we got married. Besides her past, she constantly lies to me over just about everything. Just a stupidly simple example was she came home from CVS after purchasing a few household items. As she's showing me what she bought she pulls out a few (full size) bags of M&Ms and said of yeah these were free. They had a bin up by the registers for customers to just take them (retail stores, especial large ones, never give away products, insurance purposes alone wouldn't allow them to just give it away like that, hell restaurants can't even give away soup at the end of the day to the needy incase the soup doesn't get served at the correct temp allowing the soup to give them food poisoning). I just smiled and moved on with her statement as if I took her word for truth. 

Sadly, I used to blindly take what she said to be truth/fact without ever second guessing her statements. Now, even when she's telling the truth I don't believe her. Probably because she still twists the facts when she is telling the truth thus lying while telling the truth.

**********Filler*****************
We met on a blind date. She was house sitting for an out of state relative of hers that was family friends with my family. After a year of the long distance thing she moved down to my parents place with me until we got an apartment together(6 months from my parents place to our own place). 

When we first met she said she was currently working on her masters degree. Only had a few more classes until she was finished. However her degree was online but only for instate residents in which the college was located (her home state). Odd but ok I guess that checked out in my mind at the time.

In the first 6 months she lived in my home state at my parents place she started working at the family restaurant my father owns (I worked in an office job at this time separate from the family business). I had a funny feeling about her work ethics from the previous year as she would just take off work for 3 weeks and call out an extra week to hang out with me when she came down (her daddy owned the business she worked at in her state). So when we decided on moving into an apartment together I choose to cover the rent and she would pay utilities and food putting it at an average of 25% or greater, less than my monthly household financial obligations. 

The job she first had herewas a 10$ an hour job as the hostest. It was too much for her so she up and quit nearly a year later. I felt it was a good move because she was stuck in the rut of a dead end job all the while she could have potential endless success should she utilize her bachelor degree to obtain a job.

It took her about 2 months before she got a job "requiring a bachelor degree" as a field inspector for bank owned properties. This job looked like it had unlimited potential for her to make some serious cash. The way it paid was on a weekly basis but for jobs completed from 30 days ago. I figured that her first month or two would probably be slow and that by the 3rd month or so after she started it would pay off for us. We couldn't afford out bills before her first check ever came in and I had to beg her to pick up some hours at the restaurant until she starts to bring in a steady income. She reluctantly did this for us taking on 2 - 4hour shifts per week. 

Fast forward 1 year later, she still seems to never make a whole lot more than that of what she made at the restaurant. Our (her) bills (in my name) were really far behind as I made just enough to cover my end each month with only pennies to spare. I took out a loan against my 401k to pay them off . 

From there I decided to go back to school and finish up my degree. Between work and school I hardly had time to take a **** or whatever the saying is. But I decided to propose to her a month or two before I graduated as we made it this far together we must be equipped to take on this world together.

We got married 5 months after I graduated. I was 30 and she was 34 at that point. But our wedding took place a month after I was laid off from my non family job. Her parents spent WAY too much money on the wedding. It was spectacular but that's not my cup of tea. 

After we were married, and I was unemployed looking for work I had a lot of free time on my hands. So once I could see the lack of moving parts not in motion from her behalf, most of her stories just seemed far too unreachable for this person to accomplish.

First I started looking for her college basketball stats/records since she supposedly went to some college on a scholarship for women's bball. There was nothing anywhere with her name listed on any team roster for that school for any years well before and to present to be found. So I just emailed the schools registar office and asked for a degree verification from them. The responded with a no, no one by that name attended or graduated from the school in general.

When I confronted her about lying to me about her degree, she flipped it on me it's my fault I went snooping it's my fault I didn't believe her no I promise you I have a degree in graduated I promise. 

So she decides to come "clean." States she actually graduated from another school which has since been bought by a for profit school chain but no I graduated in swear. She proceeds to pull up the website to the formerly attended school as some sort of proof. I say ok and didn't think it over anymore at this time. A week later I decided to just look at what bs she tried to shove in my face to prove her point that she graduated with a bachelor's. Well the website states it only does associate degrees, backed up by wiki and the new England schoolboard association that accredited colleges in that region. When I confront her with this information once again it's my fault for looking past what she said sli should have believed her, and not looked into her lies as if we weren't here at this point because of the same reasons.

She eventually broke down and admits to only having an associates degree. I don't believe it. I actually found documents from that schoolmate lists of names flgraduationg from the year they were announced. Her friends were in those lists she wasn't. Whatever I never brought this up.

Besides her non accomplished educational background, I choose to look at her bank account we shared at the time to see what she was making from the inspection job each week. Looking back at the statements, she didn't work with them for no more than 2 months tops and lied to me each day as she left the house for work when she wasn't working. I brought this to her attention again my fault for not taking her word for fact. Instead she apparently went about ran errors during the time she was at work.... no errors were done on those days so I really have no clue where or what she did to trick me by leaving the house to think she was at work. 

The entire time she has lived in my state she told me she was applying for jobs everyday she knew the inspection job she wasn't working wasn't paying enough and the restaurant is just to get by until there is a greater opportunity. So I logged onto her indeed monster and career builder accounts only to find she had not submitted 1 application before she quit the restaurant the first time and no application ever submitted after she got the inspector job. No wonder the job market seemed so Ruff. You can't get a job for a position or company you never apply to.

But what skeved me off about the work situation was she couldn't pick up extra shifts at the restaurant because she already worked 2 jobs. Instead of doing what was best for us she choose to deceive me, make me feel inferior for being unemployed, and tell me how much more she is doing than I am (meanwhile bills were piling, wedding funds depleted and no remorse for putting us in that situation). Had I known she only worked 8 hours a week I would have expected started back at the restaurant sooner (i immediately picked up 40 hours a week until I got my new job).

We ended up on welfare, got our bills taken care of and went through hell I can only have the upmost respect for those trying to get by with the help of the system as it sucked. I got a new job and all seemed well. Until the week before I started. She quit the restaurant again. Since I've been with my new company she has reached out to me during the day to tell me she applied forJobs. Of course I checked her browser history and it was all lies. She still isn't applying for jobs. When I ask what it is she wasn't sure does she want to just stay home she always responds with no I want to work. I'm sure it's what she thinks I want to hear but I want t9 know the truth my I the only one that will bring in income or not....

Throughout the course of our relationship any time I bring up the stresses her actions are directly the cause of she manipulates the conversation to talk in circles and make the other person (me) go crazy. We need to talk about finances, that's just the adult children of an alcoholic in you-you are mad at me for something that you should be mad at your father for....no I'm mad you choose to buy weed instead of pay car insurance so I can get to work. No your mad at your fathet....every time without fail she avoids the subject and argues a point that has nothing to do with the situation other than the fact that she is innocent and I'm misdirection my feelings. No bills aren't paid I'm mad at missed payments not my father for you missing the payment to buy drugs.

I know this will never change. She either has narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder. So of course as I'm at my wits end I make one last ditch effort to help the relationship,couples counseling. But I made the mistake to tell her we need a personality disorder specialist to hell us. She took that as an insult and went off on me for a 2 days straight of how I have NPD and how when the marriage ends she will see to it to make sure it is as uneasy as it can be. She is vengeful. So much so when she quit the restaurant it was because of my mother (she crazy too). With the first words my wife tells me is I will have a child on purpose just so that **** can never see her own grandchild (I don't want kids actually have a vasectomy scheduled for next month). So if she is off the hinges enough because my mother and her didn't agree at work I can guarantee you a divorce will really set her off.

*************end*************

So here comes the part where I ask for input. We hardly have that many possessions in our place that I couldn't just say f it and walk from it all. We do not own property or land together. We do not have kids. We rent an apartment and I own a 17 year old car. 

The only things I want in our apartment is my clothes, my computer and 1 of the 2 tvs we have. I really want our dog we got together but I know that is not goi big to happen and I don't have the money to fight for it.

When I choose to file the n paperwork, I plan on keeping it hush hush until then. When she gets served I hope to walk away right then and there. At that point that means I would go no contact with her as well so the barrage of phone calls texts and emails will all be ignored by me. It's not right for me to sit around and berate her as to why I choose to divorce her. We can look back and see it can't work. So I see no point in having contact with her once she gets served what else would she want to talk about.

Is that wrong of me to just walk out right before she is blind sided by this news?

Is it unreasonable/unlawful for me to just take those items I mentioned above and just move out with them when she gets served? I assume no chance in hell will I get them should I wait till the divorce is finalized. I can live without them but **** that's all mine from before the marriage anyway. 

Can or will she be awarded alimony? By the time the papers are filed it will be about 1.5 years of marriage. In the end I know it's temporary at worst case scenario but after debt student loans and so on there is nothing g to be had or give.

I know it's for the best to get myself back on track finally and just move into my parents house. But if I had the choice where I could stay in the apartment and she leave I would love for this to be an option (again I know she is vengeful and will make it a legal thing if she can so long as her mommy and daddy pay her legal fees because she doesn't. They may or may not, otherwise really sure there. Again do I cut my losses and just move out to my parents or see if I can stay? 

Once I leave the apartment she has no means of staying here on her own, she has family around here she can move I with until she gets in her feet. Can I be made to a pay for her rent and utilities in our apartment when I leave and give the landlords notice of me leaving (well outside the contract )?

Basically I am looking at how to get the divorce filed and approved in 1 attempt I have no money to go to mitigation, lawyer correspondence fees etc. I need it to be done and over because I don't have the money to do anything else but a one and done type of situation. 

Really what's the worst that could happen here? No kids, short marriag, neither of us would be homeless should we both leave the apartment. There is no way I'm living in my parents basement to Pat for her to live in the apartment without ever lifting a finger to pay for it on her own (i say that now...)




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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

See if your parents could lend you enogh to get rid of this albatross


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

We cannot and should not answer many of your questions. You need a lawyer for those.

Sorry you are here. I absolutely would not want to be married to a compulsive liar and mooch. Maybe there is a medical reason for her behavior, but she should have been honest and up front with you. 

I'm sure other posters will have more helpful advice, but regarding legal questions, you need a lawyer.


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## dionysos803 (May 12, 2016)

Is it wrong for me to place such a high value on work for what I want in/from my spouse since we don't have problems intend on having kids? I do more than my fair share of house hold chores around the house and work 45hours a week. I'm lucky if she runs the dishwasher. I have no desire for a trophy wife (she's alight but more of a bronze medal instead of a 1st place trophy 😛). 

Even if I'm wrong for believing we should be equals sharing both work and house hold responsibilities (it's not the amount of money she can make it could care less if she works a minimum wage job, I just expect her to work if I have to work), the lies upon lies are unacceptable. We're married. I'm not just some guy she's dating. I don't care what her level of education or what type of job she takes those were not the underlying causes for us hitting it off nor continent upon me asking her to marry me when I did.

She broke my trust over dumb ****. She didn't cheat on me I think. And she just continues to do it over and over again, applying for jobs she hasn't applied for, free M&Ms etc... 



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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

dionysos803 said:


> the lies upon lies are unacceptable.


IMO everything else is noise. The big, main problem is the LIES. 

If I was you, I would go after the dog. She does not like it? Tough.

BTW, what was she doing all that time she was supposedly working?


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

Yikes. Be ready to face a barrage of lies and humiliation about to be hurled your way. Make sure that after you serve her, ALL interaction with her is with a neutral witness or you have a VAR on you...I could easily see this woman making up a lie about you hitting her or something. 

When I first started reading your post, I was thinking maybe she just needs a hard intervention about her lying. But the fact that she wanted to have a kid just to withhold the child from the grandmother...that is scary scary stuff. 

Run for the hills brother.


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## dionysos803 (May 12, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> IMO everything else is noise. The big, main problem is the LIES.
> 
> If I was you, I would go after the dog. She does not like it? Tough.
> 
> BTW, what was she doing all that time she was supposedly working?


I really really want to go for the dog. I trained him, I'm the one that takes him anywhere for a hike besides around the house, I'm the one paying for his food and vet visits. Again she doesn't work, therefore she cannot contribute towards the cost of the dog while we're in this relationship together.

And besides that about two months before I started my new job I had both of us sign a paper stating that should we separate before 5 years of marriage she will not seek any alimony payments but she is entitled to keeping the dog. I had to sign this document because I did not want to go and work another soulless Corporate job. I had an entire plan of something we can do by creating our own business which means we would have had to move back to her home state in order to operate such a business. She refuses to go back and do my dream so there was no way I was going to look for or take a job and a corporation unless I had some kind of security stating I don't have to pay her for a few years.

And what was she doing when she said she was going to work. Well I looked into that at the time I found everything else she lied about. It looks like she drove to the grocery store most days dome times up to target. At the time I had no idea I was under the assumption she would go out and spend one or two houses and that's the reason it was only an hour or less if she was gone for each time.

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

dionysos803 said:


> I really really want to go for the dog. I trained him, I'm the one that takes him anywhere for a hike besides around the house, I'm the one paying for his food and vet visits. Again she doesn't work, therefore she cannot contribute towards the cost of the dog while we're in this relationship together.


I understand. My wife picked out dog, but I do all the walks, feed him etc. He is more attached to me, although my wife loves him dearly. 

This may be selfish, but one thing I found is that dogs attract women. My dog is a chick magnet and this not an exaggeration.

Taking your dog for walks, hikes, to the dog park is a great way to meet people - cough, cough - women. I know at this point you are not thinking about that, but you will at some point.

You might have to pay your wife to buy her out of that clause in the agreement.

BTW, I type this siting in my Corporate office. :smile2:


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## dionysos803 (May 12, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I understand. My wife picked out dog, but I do all the walks, feed him etc. He is more attached to me, although my wife loves him dearly.
> 
> This may be selfish, but one thing I found is that dogs attract women. My dog is a chick magnet and this not an exaggeration.
> 
> ...


Yeah.... the dog is definitely more attached to me. I'm sure he recognizes me as his master and my wife as an equal at best to him. While I feel as though I have a stronger connection with him than my wife does, that is not to discredit her love she has towards him. Probably loves the dog more than me or herself.

Anyway, as I mentioned in my first post, if we were to get divorced she will do what ever she can to make it as nasty as possible. Of all the uncertainty I have of her as to who she is what she's done due to bing so dishonest with me in just about every aspect possible pertaining to her past present and future, I am certain that she will do what ever she can to make it incredibly nasty. I guarantee you there is no price that can be put on that dog for me to have him after we split. 

If it is a possibility in anyway I will pursue it but this will be her last chance to **** me over and she will take it.  

I feel so bad, I already see myself trying get to detach from the dog as I know how this will end. If for any reason to stay he'd be it, but people make the same choice when actual children are involved. Therefore I can not stay for a dog when so many other people have more real choices they had to make that are much harder to come to terms with than the situation I'm in. 

God I wish I could take him with me. The only good thing I can say is atleast I know he will remain in a loving home and be well taken care of. Lol the dog is the saddest part of the divorce, as I've already detached myself from my wife a while a go.

P.s. I am reading/writing this at my corporate job as well. Don't get me wrong it's what I planned on doing career wise and went to school for to do it. But I know exactly what my dream job is/would be, have/had a legitimate means of obtaining that job as my own boss, but she refused to move back to her home state where I have the connections and legislation needed for me to fall I to that dream job. Just one more **** you to me. She refuses to even search for a job much so less apply for one but God forbid we go/do what I want to do for a living if that means moving back to her home state (gee I wonder why this is, probably because she ****ed everyone over back home and that's why she moved to me instead of me to her in the first place).


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## dionysos803 (May 12, 2016)

KJ_Simmons said:


> Yikes. Be ready to face a barrage of lies and humiliation about to be hurled your way. Make sure that after you serve her, ALL interaction with her is with a neutral witness or you have a VAR on you...I could easily see this woman making up a lie about you hitting her or something.
> 
> When I first started reading your post, I was thinking maybe she just needs a hard intervention about her lying. But the fact that she wanted to have a kid just to withhold the child from the grandmother...that is scary scary stuff.
> 
> Run for the hills brother.


You're absolutely right. When it goes down I know I have to have a neutral party between us or some type of surveillance media for any interaction without such party. 

One time as we going into a heated argument, I attempted to leave the apartment. When I opened the door to leave, she pinned me between the wall and door. When I went to give it a little muscle to free myself and leave the situation she moved away from the door. It swung open and a pane of glass broke after hitting a ill placed shelf (yeah I hung that shelf in an unsafe place, but it took 3 years before we had an accident).

I went to cool down at a friend's house. An hour after I left she texted me to tell me the cops were called by a neighbor for domestic violence. I have never raised a hand to her, another previous relationship, or even abother guy for that matter. Never been in a physical altercation in my life. 

I was ****ting bricks when she told me they were there, took a statement from her and what not and said they will be by later to check on the situation. I came back an hour or so later. Right before I pulled in, I got a text from her saying she seen them just do a little drive by of our place waiting for my car to show up. I'm there I didn't touch her so I didn't car about the police cause I didn't do anything.

She goes on and on telling me about the cops and how they came in the house saw the broken glass and a cut on her hand from the glass. They took pictures of the scene and does a whole investigation. She mentioned the cops said it was the neighbor with an accent and they weren't completely sure what he said but they knew they shold check the place out by the sound of his distress.

In the heat of the moment I was nervous about the potential outcome with the cops. After a week went by it dawned upon me, there were never any cops at my place when I was gone. There was no investigation. DV cases are handled by the state, so if the victim chooses not to testify or file a report it doesn't matter because it is the state that files the charges because of that reason. 

Her story of that night gave so many little details about this (make believe) story. She mentioned them walking I'm with wet boots and cleaned up after them (i looked at the time I was told this and realized that night she didn't bother to clean anything to really try and sell her story lazy *****es). At some point she purposefully cut her finger to show me what they took a picture of and how bad of a bandage job they did wrapping her finger. Again. Fake.

Had the police shown up that night spoke to her and took pics of the scene they are forced to either speak with me about it or issue a warrent for me. I live 3 buildings away from the police station, I never had a warrant issued and the police never came to speak to me. I called the police for a report they said there is no report and had no clue what I was talking about. She doesn't know I called to verify her story. 

Looking back on the toxic relationship I've lived with over the past 6 years I finally found the pattern of what she does when she lies(provides too many details in her story). And seen a common thread of her extreme proclamations she makes they well outweigh any normal persons degree of revenge one would take to a situation she gets shafted on (like have a kid to keep it away from the grandparent). This is text book personality disorder, more on the antisocial side but possible narcissistic.

About a month ago I realized no matter what facts you present that counter her lies she will lie to her grave regardless of how dumb she looks doing it. So much so I truly believe if I ever came home and found her in bed getting railed by some other guy she would say he's raping me, I'd say then we need to call the p9lice since he is right here for them to arrest him if he raped you and she would go through with filing the charges against that guy instead of saying yeah you caught us I was cheating on you.

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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, she has serious issues! No way did the police actually come by, Im glad you realized it was all a lie. I wonder if you can get your marriage annulled, due to her entering into it under false pretense? It may be worth looking into. Definitley get some kind of recorder to keep on yourself when things go down. And I agree that you should should keep things on the down low, file, and move out all at once. You need to make a full, clean getaway.


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## dionysos803 (May 12, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, she has serious issues! No way did the police actually come by, Im glad you realized it was all a lie. I wonder if you can get your marriage annulled, due to her entering into it under false pretense? It may be worth looking into. Definitley get some kind of recorder to keep on yourself when things go down. And I agree that you should should keep things on the down low, file, and move out all at once. You need to make a full, clean getaway.


Yeah so that is my life yeah....

I never even thought about an annulment. I looked up the laws on it for my state. While there is definitely room for my situation to fit the deception definition for it, it's still a gray area there and gray means spending more green. 

However, I just started marriage and individual therapy last week (evaluation), had first non evaluation meeting yesterday. I found us a therapist that specializes in personality disorders. Should I be right in my assumption that she has either APD or NPD, I think we can move from gray to back &white on the annulment.

I told her that while I want to up and leave a few weeks ago I said I would do everything in my power first to try and make it work before we end it (as any married couple should). Marriage counseling only has an 8 to 10% success rate. And with her still lying about her "job search" everyday to me, it's over. 

I know this is going to be a process. I've decided not to let her B'S get to me anymote. Embrace it with a smile and soon enough I'll be gone like a ninja.

What makes me really happy about the annulment concept is, all property is divided based upon original ownership. **** her: all tvs bed computers and just about everything in the house besides some furniture and her clothes are mine. More importantly the dog is MINE I paid for him I have record of paying for him on my credit card I have record of his first two years of Bandfield service as me being primary ownership. What what!

And I just thought of something. Her wedding ring was my grandmother's. We (my family) already agreed and decided once I propose the ring is hers should the worst case scenario come true. In the case of getting an annulment, where all property goes back to original owner (besides any agreed upon items) is she forced to give back the ring?  

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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

dionysos803 said:


> When I choose to file the n paperwork, I plan on keeping it hush hush until then. When she gets served I hope to walk away right then and there. At that point that means I would go no contact with her as well so the barrage of phone calls texts and emails will all be ignored by me.


Why not just tell her it's not working out, there's been too much dishonesty and deceit and those are important things to you in a relationship and you've had it. Stay firm and let her freak out and cry and beg and just say "no it's over, I've decided and that's final. All that's left is to divide everything up and figure out custody of the dog".



dionysos803 said:


> It's not right for me to sit around and berate her as to why I choose to divorce her.


Oh please stop playing the martyr. You want the quick and easy way out, you don't want to give her the benefit of the most basic explanation because you can't be bothered and I get it, but don't make excuses for yourself.



dionysos803 said:


> We can look back and see it can't work. So I see no point in having contact with her once she gets served what else would she want to talk about.


The only thing you need to talk to her about is division of assets and custody of the dog, and if the dog won't be an issue then once everything is split up and all joint accounts dissolved and any other financial agreements severed, THEN you're done and there is no need for further contact. 



dionysos803 said:


> Is that wrong of me to just walk out right before she is blind sided by this news?


It's not right, it's not wrong, it's cowardly, rude and inconsiderate to a woman who vowed to spend the rest of her life with you, and may make things much more difficult than it has to be. 



dionysos803 said:


> Is it unreasonable/unlawful for me to just take those items I mentioned above and just move out with them when she gets served?


You've heard the expression, rather than ask permission now, ask for forgiveness later? If it was me I'd take the items and risk repurcussions rather than never see them again. If she doesn't have the money for an attorney or the items don't have much value then what's she going to do about it?



dionysos803 said:


> I assume no chance in hell will I get them should I wait till the divorce is finalized. I can live without them but **** that's all mine from before the marriage anyway.


If it was yours before the marriage then it's a no brainer. 



dionysos803 said:


> Can or will she be awarded alimony? By the time the papers are filed it will be about 1.5 years of marriage.


Depends on where you live. In some areas there's no change, in others she could get lifetime alimony following a short term marriage such as yours. If you post your location I could give you an idea of how it usually works in the courts where you live.



dionysos803 said:


> do I cut my losses and just move out to my parents or see if I can stay?


Sounds like a gamble either way. You could tell her that you have filed for divorce, and stay in the apartment and see how it goes. 



dionysos803 said:


> Can I be made to a pay for her rent and utilities in our apartment when I leave and give the landlords notice of me leaving (well outside the contract )?


You are bound to the terms of the lease if your signature is on it. You could always speak to the landlord about getting out of the least but that's not up to you.



dionysos803 said:


> Basically I am looking at how to get the divorce filed and approved in 1 attempt I have no money to go to mitigation, lawyer correspondence fees etc. I need it to be done and over because I don't have the money to do anything else but a one and done type of situation.


Then reconsider walking away with no explanation which will really piss her off. Try to keep things civil, friendly, and cheap. 



dionysos803 said:


> Really what's the worst that could happen here?


She keeps all your possessions, you never see your dog again, and you're stuck with lifetime alimony. She announces she's pregnant and you pay child support for up to the next 21 years. You start getting headaches and you are diagnosed with a nonoperable brain tumor. Terrorists strike the USA and wipe out major cities, the stock market tanks and we're back to Depression era food lines.

Hey you asked.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I would invest in a voice-activated recorder to keep on you at all times. Someone capable of living lies as significant as the ones she is portraying is also very capable of weaving more lies to make you look abusive.

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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IIWY, I'd just line up a new place, move the stuff you want while she's gone, take the dog with you, and wait for her to come home and inform her that you've moved out. And then just leave.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

turnera said:


> IIWY, I'd just line up a new place, move the stuff you want while she's gone, take the dog with you, and wait for her to come home and inform her that you've moved out. And then just leave.


This is what I would do. Get everything ready quietly, move out when she's not home and just take the dog with you. Then it's up to her to come after it. Possession is 9/10ths of the law...


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

GET A VAR!

like yesterday. keep it on you at all times. record her lies, get proof of them. then, when you have enough proof, let her expose her lies to EVERYONE if you have to, unless she seeks professional help for her behavior. 

she will NEVER stop lying (its a compulsion) unless she suffers the shame from knowing that everybody knows who she really is. her response will follow as thus:

Denial: she will first try to spin it as you misunderstanding what she meant. when that fails,

Anger: she will be furious at you for catching her in her lies. between this stage and the next, she will also threaten to do a lot of things to you that she will not really do, so long as you have sufficient proof of her lies, enough to make her really look bad should they come out.

Bargaining: she will make half hearted promises, so long as you dont show anyone the proof of her lies! at this point, you must stay on top of her, holding the recordings and proof as a sword over her head to get her to keep seeking the therapy. you will also need to go to the therapist to ensure that the therapist knows of the full extent of her lies. that way, she cannot present a false image of herself to the therapist. 

Depression: when she really starts to face her demons, and starts to really think about the kind of person she has chosen to be, she will absolutely hate herself. if you tell her that you love her during this time, she will likely get angry. she wont be able to believe you. it is important that you stay consistent, honest, and detached. if she has a chance of making it better by working on herself and working on ending the lying, let her know. praise good efforts and ask for restitution for grievances. 

Acceptance and Healing: this is the stage that most married couples never reach. they get caught up in the earlier stages, and usually bail before this stage. at this stage, she is fully aware of her problem, knows that everyone around her knows, but has started to believe that there is hope for her, that she can get better. she will relapse several times, but will slowly make a habit of telling the truth. you will need to continue to monitor for lies until you no longer find any and are convinced that she is capable of facing a hard truth about herself. you will have to continuously find ways for her to "make it up to you" each time she lies, so that she has motivation to come clean, and sees that there IS a way past it, even if you KNOW she lied.


this process will likely take a few years, and you will NEED to keep a VAR on you to keep yourself safe. yes, you CAN get past this if you are willing to fight like hell and protect yourself along the way. your wife CAN make a full recovery, if provided the proper motivation.

the easier thing would be to divorce. the choice, of course, is yours.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First, find yourself a place to live, move out when she is not present, being sure to take your pet!

Then go enlist the help of a good divorce lawyer to help extricate you from this mess! Just thank God that you do not share children with this habitual/pathological liar!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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