# $hit testing and how you dealt with it.



## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

Guys, as we all know, women will occasionally $hit test us.

To date on this forum, this is the singularly best $hit-testing response I have seen a man post to date:

$hit testing

Reading this message I chuckled to myself and said "This topic deserves its own sticky thread!" so other men may read and learn.

Post examples of how your woman $hit tested you, and how you responded, showing her you were not some beta-wuss she could walk all over and lose respect for, and put her back in her rightful place.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

bleeping hilarious


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

What is "$**** testing"???


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Post examples of how your woman $hit tested you, and how you responded, showing her you were not some beta-wuss she could walk all over and lose respect for, and put her back in her rightful place.


IE - make up things you supposedly did or someone you know supposedly did that sound a bit too much like memes to get Alpha points in how to put women "in their rightful place."

But please, continue the boys rule, women drool circle, it's obviously a mentality that's doing wonders.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Ashalicious said:


> What is "$**** testing"???


From The $hit Test Encyclopedia



> *What Are $hit Tests & What Purpose Do They Serve?:*
> 
> Why are they called $hit tests? Well when somebody “gives you $hit” and $hits around with your head to see how you will react, what you are experiencing is typically a (series of) $hit test(s). Everyone has been $hit tested, gets $hit tested and will continue to be $hit tested; It’s an unavoidable part of human interaction. We use $hit tests to make value judgments about people and likewise they can be used to determine how you cope under pressure. The underlying theme behind the mechanism of $hit tests is that they will always test your mettle. Hence the name is not only fitting, but likewise accurate. $hit tests don’t always have to be questions, they can be blanket (but accusatory/provocative) assertions. These assertions will be designed to elicit an emotional reaction from you and push you into a state of reactivity, causing you to reveal information about yourself.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The sh*t tests in the way they're used in the above link? Don't experience them.

But yeah, during our relationship and the first year or so of our marriage my wife did test. She's not rude, nor does she give me grief or heap sh*t on me, but she had ways of testing me out that helped to alleviate places where she felt insecure about my feelings, or my deep commitment to, and desire for, her. 

And I called them out. I hate games and I hate tests. So after awhile my response was some variation of "You know I don't play games. Say what you mean". A lot of the times it was me helping peel back the layers and revealing what was going on beneath the testing. Most times she didn't even know what she was doing until I pointed it out, but eventually she did get it. That killed the tests after a number of years. There's no test to administer if there's nobody to take it. 

I don't believe testing is exclusive to women though.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yep sometimes people need to be shown that creating drama where none is needed is not the way to go. I think it was really creative lol


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

This is a sh$t test, right. Who said men don't engage in sh!t testing. 

Your sensitivity to every word that passes from the lips of women will dissipate with a bit of self-sufficiency. Sh!t test are control tactics, just like this thread you started. Ignore them and they shut down. I did not take my own advice but it is worth the effort because its important to recognize when your chain is being yanked.. 

Find something to occupy your mind and body, something manly. Put your back into it. My husband rebuilds old motor bikes. Hard to sh!t test a man covered in motor oil and metal filings.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

My wife was once going on a business trip and she was trying to make me upset/jealous that I would not be there and that she would have to be working around a lot of other men. As I used to have to travel on similar trips, I explained to her that the only way for her to survive was to flirt and get the guys to help her, but if she wanted to be a success that she had to use some serious charm and that way they would do all her work for her. I then looked at her and told her if she tried to use the same charm on them as she did me that she was going to have some pretty rough days ahead and that I felt a little sorry for her because just being beautiful does not cut it these days!


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> IE - make up things you supposedly did or someone you know supposedly did that sound a bit too much like memes to get Alpha points in how to put women "in their rightful place."
> 
> But please, continue the boys rule, women drool circle, it's obviously a mentality that's doing wonders.


This reminds me of a joke.

You will probably be offended by the joke, but it may help you to become less interested in the goings-on in the Men's Clubhouse (I have a request in to the Mods to re-name it the "Manly-Men's Sekrit Hideout, but it's still pending) and head on back over to the Ladies Lounge.....



A plane was about to crash - a female passenger jumps up frantically and yells, "If I'm going to die, then I want to die feeling like a woman!" Then, she strips down to nothing and asks, "Is there anyone man enough to make me feel like a woman?" 

A gentleman stands up and takes off his shirt and says "Iron this!"


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I used to leave things lying around to see how long it would take my ex to tidy them up. It was fun experimentation. Sometimes it was nearly right away, sometimes ages, till it got gross, even. Couldn't figure out a pattern.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

There is no pattern.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

My wife likes to let dishes drip dry in the sink, she would leave them there for days waiting for me to put them away. 
One day while she was out, I took all the pots from the sink and threw them out the window. When she came in and asked why they were in the yard, I told her they will dry faster in the sun.
That didn't deter her from the drip drying. So the next time I just dumped coffee grinds on them. She got mad and told me," those were clean!!" I replied, "if they were clean, why were they in the sink and not dried and put away?"
**** test passed!!!


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

The problem is when guys like us exult that we passed some test. The real PASS is when you don't give a sh|t whether you "passed" or "failed".


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Women are always testing you. Doesn't matter who.
My mom tests me. My wife tests me. My few female friends test me. My daughter is still small but she tests me.

Life is just full of female tests.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Last test I recall I failed.
I went to the pool early Friday morning. There is a water aerobics class in the morning but usually they allow a few lap swimmers. While I was showering off the aerobics instructor called me over and asked me to heat up the sauna for them. So I did. At the end of the class she assaulted me in the shower (x2) for swimming in their way (which I was not) 
The test determined that I was a "Nice guy" so she proceeded to use me as a "doormat".
Live and learn.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

nirvana said:


> The problem is when guys like us exult that we passed some test. The real PASS is when you don't give a sh|t whether you "passed" or "failed".


:smthumbup:
don't take the test.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

MMSLP has some great examples of **** tests.

I am divorced and single again.

The most common **** test I see is "I have a boyfriend".

I simply say I don't care.


Also as a shorter guy, I have gotten the "how tall are you" and someone told me an amazing answer to that recently on this forum. "how much do you weigh". Genius!! 

Take the women off the pedestal!

It really is all about not giving a F, showing women that there are more opportunities for yourself and you will not be pushed around or she's out.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

nirvana said:


> Women are always testing you. Doesn't matter who.
> My mom tests me. My wife tests me. My few female friends test me. My daughter is still small but she tests me.
> 
> Life is just full of female tests.


This could also be interpreted as your mom, a tester, raised you to become accustomed to tests, and therefore you're attracted to testers, romantically and friendship wise, and now you're helping your tester wife raise a tester daughter.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

nirvana said:


> The problem is when guys like us exult that we passed some test. The real PASS is when you don't give a sh|t whether you "passed" or "failed".


"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> MMSLP has some great examples of **** tests.
> 
> I am divorced and single again.
> 
> ...


So Prag...I have to ask...Is this what you've read, or is this how you feel? I personally would not prescribe to any of this philosophy...just my .02.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

pragmaster said:


> MMSLP has some great examples of **** tests.
> 
> I am divorced and single again.
> 
> ...


This would be fine if you were looking for a battle. Otherwise, it is far too hostile. It's not your height, it's your sensitivity to it. You can easily find a good women who has no problem with the height of a good man.

Don't be angry, work on acquiring the qualities in yourself that you expect in a partner.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> *The self-assured, sane women in your social sphere will exercise their options too. You won't be among them.*


:iagree:
And there it is...


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So when men $h!t test, it's being Red Pill Alpha, and just reminding your partner you have other potentional options in order to play psychological warfare about the implied threat of cheating if they don't cooperate in desired ways. 

When women do it, it's just pointless female drivel that needs to get shut down.

Makes sense.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> This would be fine if you were looking for a battle. Otherwise, it is far too hostile. It's not your height, it's your sensitivity to it. You can easily find a good women who has no problem with the height of a good man.


And that woman won't ask the question. The one who leads with a question like that gets weeded out. 

What's wrong with that? Why do you assume it's out of anger?

A better response would be humor though. 

"Tall enough to enjoy the view. That's good enough for me." Then turn back to your beer.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Isn't that a double standard? 

The man is being hostile and too sensitive by asking a woman her weight. 

In response to a question about his height. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So are only men are allowed to have qualifications about appearance?

Because you know, answering the question with an honest answer is "putting women on a pedestal." Why is there a need for a comeback if it isn't just defensiveness? 

If a woman gave a pithy reply to how much she weights you'd assume she was lying or had something to hide.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> So are only men are allowed to have qualifications about appearance?
> 
> Because you know, answering the question with an honest answer is "putting women on a pedestal." Why is there a need for a comeback if it isn't just defensiveness?
> 
> If a woman gave a pithy reply to how much she weights you'd assume she was lying or had something to hide.


Why is there a need for either question? 

If a man is too short for her, she knows by looking at him.
If a woman is too heavy for him, he knows by looking at her. 

Online, ok, but in person - both questions are unnecessary. Why do they deserve a straight forward, accurate response?

Even online - how many women would be ok with "how much do you weigh"?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Whether or not she enjoys the question, it's a topic that women who seek relationships should get used to coming up. As it will inevitably come up if the relationship has problems and is brought to the great Internet for insight.

It's simply a mindset - short men can't help being short and thus the query is more offensive. Women not of ideal appearance only have themselves to blame. 

You can have threads on TAM complete with pictures and debates about how much a woman can weigh and whether or not she's "athletic" "thin" "curvy" or "fat."

If a woman started a similar thread on men heights, it would without doubt, get a harsh reaction of being shallow and how many worthy men she was passing over for stupid reasons. Hell, the darker corners of TAM just like Reddit will recommend that the issue is why we don't have more legal prostitution to allow non-Alpha men the sex they deserve simply by nature of existing. 

While jokes will bound about the pity for men who have to fall to sleeping with "fat chicks" and the implied shame it brings.

So, on the surface, sure they are equivalent questions, but they are handled quite differently by people. And the reaction to people less than arguably "physically ideal" is very gendered.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

This is something that I have seen Caucasian women do more than any other.

During conversation at work, they look straight into your eyes and begin to adjust their dress and play with their bra and adjust that. All the time looking straight at you. I wonder if they are trying to see if you look at their body because they do seem to be drawing attention to it.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

The real answer to the "how tall are you?" question is 8 inches. Usually that leaves them stunned enough to go find a tall guy.
MN


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

nirvana said:


> This is something that I have seen Caucasian women do more than any other.
> 
> During conversation at work, they look straight into your eyes and begin to adjust their dress and play with their bra and adjust that. All the time looking straight at you. I wonder if they are trying to see if you look at their body because they do seem to be drawing attention to it.


WTF :scratchhead:

Incoming ......


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Mr. Nail said:


> The real answer to the "how tall are you?" question is 8 inches. Usually that leaves them stunned enough to go find a tall guy.
> MN


Stunned? Hardly. You're more likely to get "Oh, I thought it was proportional, that's why I asked"


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Actually Catherine they will just be amazed that you are willing to lie that boldly. At least that's how it worked last time.

To Prag. A great deal of the problem is that people assume, for no known reason, that Short people lie. We've already talked about the pointlessness of lying about your height. It is also pointless to lie about your length. A woman who can see you and asks your height is either mocking you, or trying to confirm that you will lie about your height. I suppose that by telling a whopper about my length, I am confirming her bias. I see it as defusing with humor.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

thenub said:


> My wife likes to let dishes drip dry in the sink, she would leave them there for days waiting for me to put them away.
> One day while she was out, I took all the pots from the sink and threw them out the window. When she came in and asked why they were in the yard, I told her they will dry faster in the sun.
> That didn't deter her from the drip drying. So the next time I just dumped coffee grinds on them. She got mad and told me," those were clean!!" I replied, "if they were clean, why were they in the sink and not dried and put away?"
> **** test passed!!!


Damn men can be so thick!

Test failed!

Was there some reason YOU couldn't dry them or put them away? What you did was a passive aggressive move designed to demonstrate your frustration with her kitchen cleaning skills without saying anything. You created the drama by not confronting the stupid issue!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

nirvana said:


> Women are always testing you. Doesn't matter who.
> My mom tests me. My wife tests me. My few female friends test me. My daughter is still small but she tests me.
> 
> Life is just full of female tests.


Oh really?
So men don't **** test?

Aren't **** tests just another word for passive aggressive behavior? So are you suggesting only women are passive aggressive? I sure hope not because my husband's entire family wrote the book on passive aggressive behavior.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Damn men can be so thick!
> 
> Test failed!
> 
> Was there some reason YOU couldn't dry them or put them away? What you did was a passive aggressive move designed to demonstrate your frustration with her kitchen cleaning skills without saying anything. You created the drama by not confronting the stupid issue!


How would you describe what she did? Leaving them in the sink for days to see how long it would take him to put them away is what?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

nirvana said:


> This is something that I have seen Caucasian women do more than any other.
> 
> During conversation at work, they look straight into your eyes and begin to adjust their dress and play with their bra and adjust that. All the time looking straight at you. I wonder if they are trying to see if you look at their body because they do seem to be drawing attention to it.


Holy sh!t bud, you might wanna check yourself a bit.

I'm sure you've never noticed how often men of other cultures adjust their balls right in front of anyone anywhere, right? As if their balls are some sacred invisible form excused from any and all customs and norms regarding not touching private parts when in public? Yeah, I don't get that, why is that? Do men of certain cultures just have really itchy balls? :scratchhead:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

zillard said:


> How would you describe what she did? Leaving them in the sink for days to see how long it would take him to put them away is what?


Leaving them in the sink assuming you would put them away since she's the one who washed them would be...sharing chores. Not nagging you about putting them away would be..consideration.

You do know it's better to let pots and pan air dry right?

If you don't like them drying in the sink, buy a dish drying rack, or better yet, as she washed, you stand there with a towel and dry them.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Leaving them in the sink assuming you would put them away since she's the one who washed them would be...sharing chores. Not nagging you about putting them away would be..consideration.
> 
> You do know it's better to let pots and pan air dry right?
> 
> If you don't like them drying in the sink, buy a dish drying rack, or better yet, as she washed, you stand there with a towel and dry them.


Key word - assuming. 

While you rile on him for "not confronting the issue", she is being considerate? 

Please.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

thenub said:


> My wife likes to let dishes drip dry in the sink, she would leave them there for days waiting for me to put them away.
> One day while she was out, I took all the pots from the sink and threw them out the window. When she came in and asked why they were in the yard, I told her they will dry faster in the sun.
> That didn't deter her from the drip drying. So the next time I just dumped coffee grinds on them. She got mad and told me," those were clean!!" I replied, "if they were clean, why were they in the sink and not dried and put away?"
> **** test passed!!!


FWIW, your personal threshold w/ respect to having "passed" is far, far different than that of most.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My husband has **** tested me many times.
I always announce when I'm getting my hair cut. He makes a mental note to "notice" when he gets home.

On his side, he rarely ever tells me and instead waits for me to notice that an inch of hair has been removed. That's a **** test.

The first time he quite smoking he never told me. 3 weeks went by before I noticed he wasn't smoking anymore. At the time I still smoked myself so it's not like I missed him smelling like cigarettes when I smelled of cigarettes. **** test.

I'm happy to say that he doesn't do this anymore and we communicate openly and honestly now.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

zillard said:


> Key word - assuming.
> 
> While you rile on him for "not confronting the issue", she is being considerate?
> 
> Please.


Yes, what would you call her not nagging him to help out by putting away the pits and pans she washed?

And what would you call it when a person lets this bother and pester them until they do something absurd like throwing them out the window before he finds his balls to speak up?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Yes, what would you call her not nagging him to help out by putting away the pits and pans she washed?
> 
> And what would you call it when a person lets this bother and pester them until they do something absurd like throwing them out the window before he finds his balls to speak up?


Do we know that there was effective, respectful discussion about this expected chore sharing? 

It seems you are assuming we do. 

I agree that throwing them out the window and pouring coffee grounds on them was passive aggressive. 

Irrelevant to the pots and pans - often times sh!t tests are not passive aggressive behavior. Frequently they are unreasonable requests with an unconscious motive of seeing if they will be granted. If they are, the result is a loss of respect.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

zillard said:


> Do we know that there was effective, respectful discussion about this expected chore sharing?
> 
> It seems you are assuming we do.
> 
> ...


I think it is safe to assume that there, in fact, was not respectful dialogue regarding expectations on chore sharing, otherwise none of that would have happened.

The bolded part seems more appropriate to define a sh!t test, but I still maintain confronting those "tests" directly is the wisest course. Playing some power game in response is just as manipulative and immature as the original **** test.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I think it is safe to assume that there, in fact, was not respectful dialogue regarding expectations on chore sharing, otherwise none of that would have happened.
> 
> The bolded part seems more appropriate to define a sh!t test, but I still maintain confronting those "tests" directly is the wisest course. Playing some power game in response is just as manipulative and immature as the original **** test.


Power play, no. Humor yes. 

Even responding with a simple "no" can often result in the tester throwing a hissy fit. That response is much less likely if there is actual humor.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Damn men can be so thick!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I disagree, I have said to her on more than one occasion it only takes an extra couple minutes to finish the task. 
When I do the dishes, they are washed, dried and put away!! She's been doing this for years. It's a great example for our kids that there's no need to finish a task, someone else will finish it for you. 
Maybe if I take her winter tires off and leave her truck jacked up for a week without tires that would be ok??


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Or how about you know ... people share the chores? How old are the kids? Why aren't they helping to dry the dishes?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

thenub said:


> My wife likes to let dishes drip dry in the sink, she would leave them there for days waiting for me to put them away.
> One day while she was out, I took all the pots from the sink and threw them out the window. When she came in and asked why they were in the yard, I told her they will dry faster in the sun.
> That didn't deter her from the drip drying. So the next time I just dumped coffee grinds on them. She got mad and told me," those were clean!!" I replied, "if they were clean, why were they in the sink and not dried and put away?"
> **** test passed!!!


I am sorry, is this example of her s..t testing your or you s..t testing her? Why don't you put the dishes out, since she was the one who cleaned them??


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> I am sorry, is this example of her s..t testing your or you s..t testing her? Why don't you put the dishes out, since she was the one who cleaned them??



Because 95% of the time I'm the one cooking. When I cook, the dishes are washed and put away by me as I use them. It only takes a minute to finish the task. 
When I'm done in the kitchen, it is always ready to be used, nothing in the way, nothing to wash. Everything is cleaned.
She'll wash the dishes and let them sit and say she'll put them away later. Rarely happens.
Lately I have been putting them away and don't even waste my breathe bringing it up anymore. 
I have been getting the kids to start loading and unloading the dishwasher. My youngest doesn't mind too much, but my teenage girl thinks it's beneath her to do such a task. That's when I ask her for her phone. Then she realizes she should do it.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

This sounds like a much deeper issue than just the dishes. It just seems like the dishes are an easy way to deal with deeper problems like potential resentments over doing the majority of the cooking, or having a disrespectful teenager. 

I mean, maybe that's a big assumption, but it seems hard to believe with the way it's being talked about more isn't going on there.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Starstarfish said:


> This sounds like a much deeper issue than just the dishes. It just seems like the dishes are an easy way to deal with deeper problems like potential resentments over doing the majority of the cooking, or having a disrespectful teenager.
> 
> I mean, maybe that's a big assumption, but it seems hard to believe with the way it's being talked about more isn't going on there.


No. Our marriage is as good if not better than it was in the beginning. Old habits are hard to break. 
No resentment over the cooking that's for sure. I love cooking, I find it very relaxing. Maybe it's because I consider the kitchen "my space" and I prefer to keep it clean and ready to use all the time. 
I honestly think it sets a bad example to the kids and of course, kids being kids, will follow the easiest example.


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