# Strength to move forward



## Seeking peace (Nov 10, 2012)

I am tired. Plain and simplest very tired of fighting over small, petty matters and large, significant matters. My husband is a man who's glass is always always half empty, and I'm not that person. And that's ok, becaus everyone is different but I don't want my kids to have their glasses half empty and I'm afraid that's what they're learning. I'm not the person who believes people should stay together because they have children, or "until they finish ugh school" I genuinely believe that teaches children its not only ok but right to be unhappy and that's what they should "aim" for because its then what they know... Agree or disagree, makes no difference to me, but my mother did that and as an adult now, I see how unhappy she was then, and how she regretted not making the move sooner AND I literally prayed nightly that my parents would divorce... How sad is that?god I want to hug the little girl I was... Now here I am, a mother of three, married for 12 years and constantly in a mental war with myself... He's not a terrible person, he's a great father when he wants to be, the kids adore him... We have nothing in common, he's not supportive of really anything I'm involved in... I used to play sports, but it was always a fight so I stopped, of my own choice, as genuinely the kids are into things now and I don't want to miss their activities... I volunteer with minor sport organizations, it's a fight for me to attend meetings and he complains that I take on too much, but I don't complain abut it, I enjoy the actual groups, but it the fight that takes place as a result. I don't think I should have to give up who I am be part of a couple... And I think I've done a lot of that... A relationship is give and take, but when do you sit back and look at exactly what you gave verses what you took? Know what I mean? I just want to be happy, I want my kids to be happy... I want them to know that THEIR. Happiness is important and, no, I don't want them giving p their own happiness for the sake of someone else's... Does that make any sense? He refuses marriage counseling and I've not brought it up in years... Because I'm not that invested anymore. I've recently been diagnosed with a adenoma in my pituitary gland, and am waiting to hear of if surgery is required to remove it... His first reaction to that was "I can't look after 3 kids by myself" yes, know that was just a "blah" of verbal not-thinkingness but try getting it out of your mind... I don't wat to have to consider his reaction... I want support complete with mouth shut... Maybe that's selfish, I'll own that, but doesn't change things... We have to go out of town to meet the neurosurgeon ... My mother wants to go, obviously, that was met with an eyeroll and "we'll I'm not going because I'm not setting one foot in a shopping mall" ... And I honestly don't want him there....what's that say? And how long does a person live like that? At what point do we deserve to live life and be happy, and not have it feel like either or? I genuinely feel I would be a much better and happier parent if we were co-parenting but not being together, how do I do that? That's a rhetorical question ... The physical desire is gone on my part, however, I'm not "allowed" to own that yet, really, as it may be a symptom of the location of the adomena which is just as frustrating... I want my husband to be happy, I don't know that he's ever really been, and I sure am not... And of course get the guilt thrown on me when I'm honest about that... If my daughter felt as I did everyday, I would beg her to walk away and assure her her children would be better and stronger people for it.... God it's hard to put into practice what one would preach! We've separated on 2 different occasions for short periods of time ... I'd not have my daughter if reconciliation hadn't taken place and would never turn that clock back because of it... But do y know what I mean when I say I just wish I had of stuck to it then? I'm so lost... And so tired... I need to know there's other people out there like me...


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## ConfusedWifey86 (Nov 6, 2012)

you sound a lot like me with your parents, my mother was alway unhappy but was too scared.. she ended up passing away on my 18th birthday from a stroke  my marriage isn't great either and i keep thinking to myself i dont want to end up like my parents and want to leave but then i dont want to be lonely and dont want to put my kids through a divorse. i am so confused... just know there are others like you, here if u wanna talk.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Marriage counseling? I think you should try every Avenue before ending it. It sounds like he wants you to think and be like him. You should not have to give up living just because he does want too. I imagine if he was more supportive you just might want to do so much away from the house? Or at least you would not resent saying no to things you would like to do just to appease him?


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

You need to ask yourself two questions:
1) What do I really want and need for my life to be happy?
2) What am I afraid of that is stopping me from going out and finding happiness?
When someone has the courage to realize they are not happy and do something about it, they always find more happiness than they expect. It may take some time and you may have to go through some pain but wouldn't it be worth it?


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