# Extremely confused



## lovesick (Feb 27, 2010)

I have been married for 9 years.During the 9 years we each have made some mistakes.Husband has issues with alcohol.He has cheated.I was so in love with him I didn't leave him.3 years ago I cheated and we seperated for 6 weeks and I ended things with the other guy.Well this past summer while on vacation I met up with the guy I dumped for my husband .Anyway ,the chemistry was just there.I ended up leaving my husband for 4 months.My dad got sick and was going through treatment and I had to return home.Hubby showed up drunk and I caved and took him back.Now I am missing the other man.We talk online and on the phone nearly everyday.He wants me to be happy even if its being here with my husband.He doesn't want to be my reason for leaving.He is even telling me he will step aside and have no contact with me so that I can make a clear decison.Last week my hubby made a comment that nobody is taking anything from him.That he would put a bullet in both our heads.Hubby thinks we were only roomates and nothing more during the 4 months I was away.He will get mad and throw it in my face ,but other times he is okay with things.It's just something to throw back at me when he is mad.A big part of me just wants to walk away.But on the other hand I'm not sure that throwing 9 years of marriage down the drain is the right thing to do.I know I can't go on this way its not fair to either of them.I never in my life thought this kind of thing would happen to me.Or that I would be caught up in this.I'm at fault more than anyone else.It's just so hard to do the right thing when I'm not sure what that is.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

It sounds like you need some time away from both of them so you have time to clear your head without any input from them.


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## lovesick (Feb 27, 2010)

yeah.I know.I live in 1 state with my husband the other man is in another state.The only way i can get a breather is to go to the same state he is in to be with family.Of course the temptation is there.We haven't seen each other in 3 months.We talk on the phone and online so it's went from physical to an emotional affair.It's a big mess all around.


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