# Anger & rage



## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

I am soooo soooo effing angry that I am losing it totally. I am completely falling to pieces and I really can't have my kids around me. THats how low I have gone, that he's f***ed by boundaries so badly that I am starting to think its ok to lose it at the kids. 

I managed to short circuit the rage enough by tossing all his crap out on the back patio, but what do I do next time. I so not want to ring lifeline because they will track my number and send out the cops.

I ended this marriage because I can't do it anymore, yet why do I still have the energy to be angry?? I know all the stuff about anger being driven by some other emotion, but I don't care right now, I just don't want to be like this anymore. This is what my marriage has turned me into. A frickin' psycho fruitbat of a mother. 

I am cracking under the strain. I have the kids basically 24/7, oldest has a disability which was undiagnosed fo r11 years, so the bad habits have already been formed. No engagement or help from him. So so angry tonight.


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## Husbandinneed92 (Aug 5, 2012)

It does sound like you're going through a lot 

I don't know what to do other than offer my support for you.
I know it's hard, and some days are good, some a really bad. I've had similar days with my stbxw. Some days I just box until my hands bleed and that helps get most of the anger out.
The only other thing I can suggest is don't let the kids get the impression that you're angry at them. Coming from a "kid" himself, I know it's more reassuring to know mum's angry at dad rather than just angry. Kids can be great listeners too sometimes.

I know that this is probably crap advice so far, but hang in there. It will get better, I promise.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Going Mental said:


> I am soooo soooo effing angry that I am losing it totally. I am completely falling to pieces and I really can't have my kids around me. THats how low I have gone, that he's f***ed by boundaries so badly that I am starting to think its ok to lose it at the kids.
> 
> I managed to short circuit the rage enough by tossing all his crap out on the back patio, but what do I do next time. I so not want to ring lifeline because they will track my number and send out the cops.
> 
> ...


Did he do anything to you that you didn't allow?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Is there someone you can leave the kids with for a while, even a couple of hours so you get a break? Depending on their ages, can you put them in a day camp or some activity to get a bit of time for yourself. You don't say what your son's disability is, but you may be entitled to respite. I don't know where you live, but here the procedure would be to connect with a social worker who could advise you. If none of these are options, have a friend come over and spend some time with you.

I reached the point when my boys were young and I was struggling with undiagnosed depression that I was afraid I would harm them. I was afraid to call the hotline because I thought I would lose them. I went and talked to my doctor who put me on antidepressants which saved my sanity and possibly my sons' lives. She also saw me once a week for counselling. You may not have depression, but your doctor may be a good resource. Not that I'm pushing meds, but you may need something in the short term to help you cope.

Exercise can also help people deal with stress. I know it helps me. I haven't been doing it, and I can feel myself slipping further into sadness and anger.

Try to take care of yourself.
Hugs.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You sound like you need a little help with the kids, a little time to relax, and someone to talk to while you process all your feelings. Any chance you could hire a sitter for an afternoon? Take a little break to write in a journal and vent your rage or do some kind of physical activity in which you can physically vent it? Get a massage to relax and reduce some stress levels? Get a counselor to work through your anger? I know these all sound abstract, but a little at a time might help you out. Hang in there. Be kind to yourself when you can and just try not to take it out on your kids.


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

Thanks guys, problem is I have been doing all those things already. I am much calmer today, I even packed his clothes in a box...the kids really didn't need to see it in broad daylight (hehe but I still don't feel guilty). 

I tried to get an appointment with my therapist late last week but will try again for this week. I'm injured at the moment so I can't box to take out my frustration and if I overdo the running, my knee will start to cave in. I feel caged & in a prison right now as nothing is moving forward or breaking away as quickly as I need right now. I am unsure what the next step is.

This rage is releasing all the pent up anger, boundary busting, frustration and resentment of at least the past 5 years. I have a ways to go before it is all gone. 

My daughter's disability is mild so there is no respite available. I spoke with my Mum today and have asked her to come and stay for a week or so, even just for moral support (my parents live 3 hours away from me). 

Thank you for listening to my vent last night, my daughter has forgiven me and I have apologised. I WILL find a better way.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Have fun with his boxes and miss label them. Kinda like putting his socks in a box thats labeled pants, and put his pants in a box that is labeled shirts. LOL


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Going Mental said:


> Thanks guys, problem is I have been doing all those things already. I am much calmer today, I even packed his clothes in a box...the kids really didn't need to see it in broad daylight (hehe but I still don't feel guilty).
> 
> I tried to get an appointment with my therapist late last week but will try again for this week. I'm injured at the moment so I can't box to take out my frustration and if I overdo the running, my knee will start to cave in. I feel caged & in a prison right now as nothing is moving forward or breaking away as quickly as I need right now. I am unsure what the next step is.
> 
> ...


Yes, you will. You sound stronger already. 

Try some gentle Yoga while your injury is healing (never rains but it pours, huh?).

Is your Mum going to come?


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

> Try some gentle Yoga while your injury is healing (never rains but it pours, huh?).
> 
> Is your Mum going to come?


Yes, Yoga would work, I guess I could work around the injured wrist (both my wrist & knee are injured ) and it could fit with the kids schedule too 

Mum is going to come and stay


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Going Mental said:


> Yes, Yoga would work, I guess I could work around the injured wrist (both my wrist & knee are injured ) and it could fit with the kids schedule too
> 
> Mum is going to come and stay


I'm glad your Mum is coming. Make sure you take advantage and get some time out of the house by yourself. Go shopping and treat yourself to some small thing that you enjoy, even if you have to rent a walker to do it!


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## sham1024 (Apr 30, 2012)

After yet another phone call with my STBXH where I was screaming at him like a lunatic, I felt so bad for myself and my kids that I let him push my buttons. I wrote down my feelings on paper and put it by the phone so when he called I could see it. It helped me to remember that I look bad when I lose control, and he wins. Writing down how you feel with every encounter really helps me, because I have short term memory when it comes to my anger.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

sham1024 said:


> After yet another phone call with my STBXH where I was screaming at him like a lunatic, I felt so bad for myself and my kids that I let him push my buttons. I wrote down my feelings on paper and put it by the phone so when he called I could see it. It helped me to remember that I look bad when I lose control, and he wins. Writing down how you feel with every encounter really helps me, because I have short term memory when it comes to my anger.


Good strategy. I do better communicating withnmbhusband by email 'cause I can think, re-read and edit. In person, neither of us seems to handle it well.


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

FF, funny you should mention methods of communication....the bs begins. Having tossed out the the clothes on the weekend, stbxh comes looking for his remaining clothes that all happen to now in the garage. Didn't take it well....oh well. So my point was that face to face does not work anymore. He is just too angry still. Emails currently don't work unless its forwarding messages on. We find it best to talk on the phone. Our best conversations have always been that way. Funny how we can communicate best by hearing tone of voice but without the body language to mess everything up.

Tonight I am trying to not let him dump his garbage on me. I am going to stay centred and calm (which I might add I did quite well...I let my support team get upset for me  )

Good idea about the notes by the phone, sham1024....a prompt for what I need to discuss/confirm/organise but most importantly to stay on the right path.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

THIS is why you must work on yourself.

Body language has communicated the lack of sincerity between you both.


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

Conrad said:


> THIS is why you must work on yourself.
> 
> Body language has communicated the lack of sincerity between you both.


I would have said it communicated resentment, mistrust, contempt amongst a multitude of other negative feelings. And that's just my body language. His was more a case of "do I care, no, not really, I'd prefer to get stoned" feelings 

My therapist will be able afford her new Merc sooner rather than later :rofl:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Going Mental said:


> I would have said it communicated resentment, mistrust, contempt amongst a multitude of other negative feelings. And that's just my body language. His was more a case of "do I care, no, not really, I'd prefer to get stoned" feelings


Yes, I can see where you two are really reaching each other


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Good for you for having your mother come. Im glad you are trying to see a therspist. I also agree with the other poster who suggested a trip to the doctor as you rewlly need to be on am anti depressant or mood stabilizer for just a short time until you can learn some tools in therapy to control your emotions. Trust me, i know. Ive been stark raving mad before. I was at the beginning of my hell on earth journey. 

So again, good for you for having your mom come, it shows concern for your children. The last thing you want is to do something that will scar them forever and change who they are. 

For instance. When i was 9, my mother was in a furious rage and screaming at my father saying i hate you, i hate all of you, she then came around the corner where i was hiding and looked me dead in the eye with such, well, evil, and said and i hate you too......

I will never forget that and it changed me forever. The damage was deep. 

So, dear lady, get to a doctor as fast as you can. There is no harm in a med for a short term until we can get ahold of ourselves.

I wish you luck and remember, your children are the most precious and important things in the world. Do whatever you must to protect them. It is your highest priority. 













Going Mental said:


> Thanks guys, problem is I have been doing all those things already. I am much calmer today, I even packed his clothes in a box...the kids really didn't need to see it in broad daylight (hehe but I still don't feel guilty).
> 
> I tried to get an appointment with my therapist late last week but will try again for this week. I'm injured at the moment so I can't box to take out my frustration and if I overdo the running, my knee will start to cave in. I feel caged & in a prison right now as nothing is moving forward or breaking away as quickly as I need right now. I am unsure what the next step is.
> 
> ...


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> Good for you for having your mother come. Im glad you are trying to see a therspist. I also agree with the other poster who suggested a trip to the doctor as you rewlly need to be on am anti depressant or mood stabilizer for just a short time until you can learn some tools in therapy to control your emotions. Trust me, i know. Ive been stark raving mad before. I was at the beginning of my hell on earth journey.
> 
> So again, good for you for having your mom come, it shows concern for your children. The last thing you want is to do something that will scar them forever and change who they are.
> 
> ...


Twofaces is right. Meds to help stabilize your moods until you learn and can apply some strategies could be the best thing. You can't deal with all this rationally if your brain chemistry is out of whack. And that is what extreme stress does. Do look into it before you do some real damage in a rage.

Twofaces, I am so sorry you went through that. I am imagining the poor little boy that was you cringing as his mother said that. This is for him: Hugs.


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