# I don't know what to do anymore



## gothicdarkchocolate (Nov 2, 2012)

My husband and I have been married a year now, but we've been friends for almost 6 yrs. Our relationship did not start on good grounds and we had our daughter out of wedlock (I went through the pregnancy alone). When we were friends back in school he would do everything to make sure he sat near me and would come up to me and stare at me til I'd hug him (don't worry we're both weird like that so it's ok). When we finally started dating he always wanted me to stay with him and spend time together or have sex, we had sex just about every day! He wouldn't keep his hands off me! I broke up with him over some stupid crap and the nagging of an ex-friend. 12 days later I found out I was pregnant, he didn't really want anything to do with us, he did show up on the day our daughter was born (to everyone's surprise!). We became friends again and eventually started dating for a 2nd time.

We've been back together for little over 2 years now and in that time I feel like so much has changed for the worse.

My husband no longer wants any kind of sexual contact, no snuggling, no hugs, he won't even say he loves me. He can go or weeks without any physical kind of contact and it doesn't phase him, but it tears me apart.

I'm not a looker by any means, but I'm not ugly either. I try to look nice as much as possible and I'm trying to get in shape a little (I'm just not toned). I've had several offers to cheat on my husband but I've never accepted. I just don't understand why my husband wants less and less to do with me.

I'm stressed so badly and extremely depressed. I just started a 2nd job on top of everything else going wrong. I can't even talk to him about anything because I start crying and he just glares at me or the floor and never says anything. I don't feel like what he have is a relationship...at all. I tried asking but I keep getting different answers. 

I'm sorry this is so long, it isn't even the tip of the iceberg....


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Several things could be going on.. but usually when a guy withholds sex it's because he's angry. Often instead of talking about it they just bottle it up and then become passive aggressive, using sexlessness to punish.

He could still be angry about you leaving him a long time ago. Or maybe he feels trapped in a marriage where he is trying to do the right thing but just does not feel like it’s what he wants. And to leave you and your child would make him look like a really bad guy. Who knows if he does not talk to you?

You are working a second job Does he work and bring in an equal share of the household income?

I suggest that you treat him according to the 180 in my signature block below. This will help you get stronger. A book that might help you is “Divorce Busting”. Take care of yourself and your child. If you make positive changes he will have to change and start to notice you.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

It doesn't sound like you both were meant to be together even from the beginning. Sorry, maybe you need to seek some counseling on the issue. Probably just IC for now unless he wants to save the marriage by investing in doing so, if not, then you go so a professional can guide you on what to do.


----------



## gothicdarkchocolate (Nov 2, 2012)

@ Elegirl- He works a minimum wage job, I work in a hospital and a home health agency.

I know we both suffer from severe depression and grew up in abusive families. Still, we are quite different in almost all manners of life so our ways of expression are completely different. I have anger problems, or rather people have problems discerning my anger from me being a loud intense person...

I've loved him through hell and back, long before we became more than friends so I don't want to just give up, especially if something is wrong that he just isn't telling me. He agreed to counseling but we just don't have the money.


----------

