# Hello



## ozzie.p.rodriguez (Nov 21, 2021)

Me and my soon to be ex-wife has been married for 6 years, been together for 9 years. We have 2 kids. I brought her to the US from the Philippines in 2019. In 2020 (after meeting my replacement) she wanted a divorce. She said she hasn't loved me since 2018(before we came here). Divorce hasn't been finalized yet but I'm not opposing it or anything. Am I wrong to think that she just used me to get here? I wish I can deport her but she came here on a spousal visa.

Also after all those years together, she made if feel like they didn't mean anything. It's so hard to move on. I'd say I wish I didn't meet her but then I wouldn't have my kids. I've started taking a bunch of different antidepressants (prescribed). They aren't helping much. I just feel so lost.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Yes, you made a bad deal. It happens, so don't beat yourself up.


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

Sorry to hear what your’re going through man….I just joined this online page yesterday and asked a question and got a lot of feedback/advice so hope you can get the same. Also, go through some of the older posts in the certain group and you will see you arent the only one in this boat. Marriages fail for all sorts of reasons. It is hard to say if she just used you just to get to the US. I want to say no because she did have children with you, but she also said she hasnt loved you since 2018 and usually woman are pretty honest when they say things like that. Was it your plan all along to bring her here to America or was it something that happened after having children? Maybe she was hoping you two would be able to start fresh and rekindle your marriage once she arrived in the US. I would suggest getting off the anti-depressants but thats just my opinion. If they arent helping, im sure they are making you feel like complete garbage. This is something you gotta ride out and face, you will be okay and come out stronger man. Im going through a divorce and it is a struggle everyday but I am pushing through, easily the hardest thing ive ever had to do in my life (I am 27)…start seeing a therapist, she helps me but ulitimately it is up to you to get over this. I, too, regret meeting my wife and going throught all that I did but I never say it out loud or think about that too much cause I would be almost be disrespecting my child I have with her. My daughter has been my biggest blessing through this and you should cherish all the moments you have with your kids. Out of everyone in this world, your kids will be the only ones who will 100% have your back and be there for you. Best of luck


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

MattOly94 said:


> Sorry to hear what your’re going through man….I just joined this online page yesterday and asked a question and got a lot of feedback/advice so hope you can get the same. Also, go through some of the older posts in the certain group and you will see you arent the only one in this boat. Marriages fail for all sorts of reasons. It is hard to say if she just used you just to get to the US. I want to say no because she did have children with you, but she also said she hasnt loved you since 2018 and usually woman are pretty honest when they say things like that. Was it your plan all along to bring her here to America or was it something that happened after having children? Maybe she was hoping you two would be able to start fresh and rekindle your marriage once she arrived in the US. I would suggest getting off the anti-depressants but thats just my opinion. If they arent helping, im sure they are making you feel like complete garbage. This is something you gotta ride out and face, you will be okay and come out stronger man. Im going through a divorce and it is a struggle everyday but I am pushing through, easily the hardest thing ive ever had to do in my life (I am 27)…start seeing a therapist, she helps me but ulitimately it is up to you to get over this. I, too, regret meeting my wife and going throught all that I did but I never say it out loud or think about that too much cause I would be almost be disrespecting my child I have with her. My daughter has been my biggest blessing through this and you should cherish all the moments you have with your kids. Out of everyone in this world, your kids will be the only ones who will 100% have your back and be there for you. Best of luck


If you ever need someone to talk to, message me. I, like already said, am going through a divorce so feel free to reach out


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anti depressants take about 2 weeks to start to work. When you say you are on a bunch of antidepressants what do you mean? You should only be on one type.


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## beautymedi (Nov 22, 2021)

ozzie.p.rodriguez said:


> Me and my soon to be ex-wife has been married for 6 years, been together for 9 years. We have 2 kids. I brought her to the US from the Philippines in 2019. In 2020 (after meeting my replacement) she wanted a divorce. She said she hasn't loved me since 2018(before we came here). Divorce hasn't been finalized yet but I'm not opposing it or anything. Am I wrong to think that she just used me to get here? I wish I can deport her but she came here on a spousal visa.
> 
> Also after all those years together, she made if feel like they didn't mean anything. It's so hard to move on. I'd say I wish I didn't meet her but then I wouldn't have my kids. I've started taking a bunch of different antidepressants (prescribed). They aren't helping much. I just feel so lost.


This is definitely not ideal, and I understand why you feel the way that you do. Unfortunately, you have to remember that there is nothing you can do about what has happened, and the best possible thing you can do is focus on yourself and focus on the things that you CAN control. It will be hard and it will take time to move on, but you will. So sorry you have to go though this.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When you wife met your replacement she (likely) started to rewrite your marriage.

If eases her guilt and allows her to have an 'excuse' for divorce.

She likely met this guy and cheated on you, prior to divorce.

That is the common denominator in break-ups. 

Philippine ladies are known to be fickle and untrustworthy.
Not all of them, of course.

True or not, you need to move on, get back on your feet and take care of your children as a divorced co-parent.

She is not the only woman out there for you, there will be others. 

Go slowly, get off the anti-depressants under doctors supervision. Do not just stop taking them. 

Or, your doctor may try another type to see if they help.

There is a good chance that once you are totally away from your ex wife, you will not feel the need to take them.
Divorce is hard on the psyche.

Some 50% of marriages fail, you are not alone.



_KB-_


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ozzie.p.rodriguez said:


> Me and my soon to be ex-wife has been married for 6 years, been together for 9 years. We have 2 kids. I brought her to the US from the Philippines in 2019. In 2020 (after meeting my replacement) she wanted a divorce. She said she hasn't loved me since 2018(before we came here). Divorce hasn't been finalized yet but I'm not opposing it or anything. Am I wrong to think that she just used me to get here? I wish I can deport her but she came here on a spousal visa.
> 
> Also after all those years together, she made if feel like they didn't mean anything. It's so hard to move on. I'd say I wish I didn't meet her but then I wouldn't have my kids. I've started taking a bunch of different antidepressants (prescribed). They aren't helping much. I just feel so lost.


So were you living in the Phillipines while you two were married and having kids? Are you also from there? Or were you working there or something but an American citizen? 

Was she wanting you to return with her to the States the whole time or seemed content the first several years where you were? I'd say the answer to that question is going to be the answer to whether she was using you or not. Maybe she loved you at first and then 2018 is when she lost that. 

If you have kids and live in the US now, check your state laws and see what your rights are. For example, each state dictates how far away either parent can move from the other sharing custody. And I do hope you're sharing custody and not giving up your kids just because it might be convenient. She's not allowed to move far from you, just maybe maximum 20 or so miles because of exchanging the kids. If you are not in an alimony state, to keep from having to pay her custody, you just get 50/50 custody of the kids, which is the norm in the US today anyway. Then you both pay your share and do your share for the kids and you both see them half the week, which includes 2 1/2 week days and 1 weekend day. It allows you both time to do other things, and maintains your bond and influence with the child. Don't just give up hoping she'll disappear and take the kids with her, please! That wouldn't be very dadly. Get a judge to mandate 50/50 custody and then stay out of her life except for kid exchanges, which can be sometimes just done at school rather than with the ex. 

Don't start drinking or using stuff. You'll be miserable for awhile, but don't get yourself impaired to where you make a big mistake here and give up your kids or something like that. She's not worth that and you'd regret it and the kids would feel abandoned the rest of their lives.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

ozzie.p.rodriguez said:


> Me and my soon to be ex-wife has been married for 6 years, been together for 9 years. We have 2 kids. I brought her to the US from the Philippines in 2019. In 2020 (after meeting my replacement) she wanted a divorce. She said she hasn't loved me since 2018(before we came here). Divorce hasn't been finalized yet but I'm not opposing it or anything. Am I wrong to think that she just used me to get here? I wish I can deport her but she came here on a spousal visa.
> 
> Also after all those years together, she made if feel like they didn't mean anything. It's so hard to move on. I'd say I wish I didn't meet her but then I wouldn't have my kids. I've started taking a bunch of different antidepressants (prescribed). They aren't helping much. I just feel so lost.


Cut your losses. You cannot win this one. _*Sorry, she was a big fake*_ and acted like a common hustler. Very important this: she'll be out of your life soon. 

_*You cannot get back anything you've lost to her*_. Do not let her rob any more of your future. You were obviously a loving and caring person. Loving and caring is viewed as very mushy. I hate to say it but it really is the best foundation for a long lasting relationship. So you really do have exactly what you need. So will some of the others you meet. Loving and caring turns into happiness.


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## ozzie.p.rodriguez (Nov 21, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Anti depressants take about 2 weeks to start to work. When you say you are on a bunch of antidepressants what do you mean? You should only be on one type.


At least I think they are antidepressants. They gave me Bupoprion, Aripiprazole, and Trazodone.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

No way to sink her visa application?


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## ozzie.p.rodriguez (Nov 21, 2021)

Galabar01 said:


> No way to sink her visa application?


I wish there was. Apparently since she came in on a spousal visa she's untouchable.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ozzie.p.rodriguez said:


> I wish there was. Apparently since she came in on a spousal visa she's untouchable.


What happens when she is not longer a spouse?
Good or bad or indifferent, move on as soon as you can.
Tomorrow would be later than my preference.


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## ozzie.p.rodriguez (Nov 21, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> What happens when she is not longer a spouse?
> Good or bad or indifferent, move on as soon as you can.
> Tomorrow would be later than my preference.


She's pretty much a citizen already. Even if she's single. It's hard to move on if you're still living with them. My condition keeps me from working and disability is taking forever. So I'm stuck with her.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ozzie.p.rodriguez said:


> She's pretty much a citizen already. Even if she's single. It's hard to move on if you're still living with them. My condition keeps me from working and disability is taking forever. So I'm stuck with her.


At least you know that, as a man, being a good person is not enough to keep a woman. Unfortunately.


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