# She tells me she doesnt love me anymore



## crazietj (Jan 12, 2011)

After 12 years of being together, and 5 1/2 years of marriage last month my wife came in and told me she doesn't love me. To start it off we have had our far share of issues before we got married I would be out of work and we would split up, but i would get back on my feet and we would get back together.We both had issues with work. 

She went to school to become a paramedic. During that time she didnt work for 2 - 2 1/2 years and I supported the family off a crappy security job working double shifts, and side work to make ends meet. I left it for a better job and worked there about 6 months and they laid off 150 of us. She didn't want to work where we lived, and I was laid off so we packed up and moved to another city 2 1/2 hours from were we lived. So she gets into the field she went to school for. We couldnt afford daycare for our 2 boys with out me working, and everything is way more expensive here than it was before. But she is making double what I made. Well we come to the agreement that I will stay home and take care of the kids. We discussed me going back to school and I started the process. she lost her job, and I put it on the back burner and started to look for work. I have a much harder time with No collage, and I have a 14 year old felony making getting work a lot harder for me. She got work in a month, and she was on a swing shift working 12 hour days. This made it hard for me to get any work. So at one point we started to talk about me going back to school again, and life made changes for us. Our lease was running up on our place, and we wanted to buy a house, well most of you know how that can consume time, and I let the school thing slip between my fingers once again. 

Well we where actually doing good, new house, shes doing great with her work we can afford our bills, then one day her partner screwed up and hit a vehicle while they where on a run, and they both got fired. Bam back to being in the hole again. I had been looking for work, before that anyway, but I stepped it up, She was out of work for about 6 months before getting hired on at another EMS service. Well when she got hired on there she was offered a better paying job at another EMS job. She took it. Now every time she takes one of these jobs, she start the swing shift stuff, and they have all been 12 hour shifts. most of the time she is an hour late sometimes 2. there has been days where she worked overtime and worked 24 hours. im tired of being at home so I am trying to get into school, and one thing after another, we had 3 major trips this last year. over the summer we took the boys to disney world. At the time we could afford it, we had to weddings one in new york, and one in chicago. so those where long trips for us. 

She get back and hurts herself at work, and that set us back big time. The holidays are coming up, and Im trying to get work and school, but with her working all the time, Im trying to take care of the kids, and trying to keep up on the house, mind you we have a 2 year old, so if any of you have kids that age you know you cant walk away for more that 15 min before they are getting into something. We come up with an agreement that she will go to 3rds so I can try and work and or go to school. 3 days before she starts 3rds thats when the bomb was dropped on me. 

I had know idea and I went into the begging stage and such. Well that just made everything worse. so I get us into counseling and she spouts out all this stuff that she is unhappy with the way i take care of the house, and she feels like i have taking her for a free ride, and how every time we split up i make something of myself. Well the counselor tells us that separation is not the right thing right now, just go to a friends or something just to give each other some space. so we do that. and things seems to get better. but if I try and talk to her about us, she just walks away, or says the same thing as before. We go to our second meeting and we are to write out what we feel we would need to end the therapy. I write out that we need to work on communications, and stop looking at the past, and try and get a little more time for one another. She writes that she want someone who doesnt follow her around like a 3rd child, and she wants someone that doesnt get sick as much as I do, and that she wants someone who doesnt have motion sickness so she can ride rides...I was just lost, and said,What? Well I feel it was all petty crap. But I let it go. I give her some space. and things seem to be getting better. So the other night I try and talk to her and tell her Im sorry that I dropped the ball, and Im trying to fix things. She just tells me she doesnt want anymore promises. and thats the end of the conversation. I let it go again, and things seem to get even better. Then we get hammered by a bad snow/ and ice storm. so we dont get space away from one another, except when she goes to work, which now shes back on days. I talk to her last night, she tells me that she still feels the same way. I dont know what to do. Im busting my but trying to get work, i got all my pape work filed to go back to school, just waiting on them, and I do everything around the house. 

Im tired of feeling like a stranger in my own house and I want my wife back....Sorry for being such a long post, and I dont normally do this, but I just dont know what to do, and kinda need to vent to someone thats not going to go back to her and tell her what I say.


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

I can understand that one, needing to talk. I read what you write and wonder if my husband feels like this. Except I never leave. Maybe I should be more understanding. lol well I actually am more understanding, he has no idea I still feel this way because he talked it all over and I caved. So problem solved for me...

As for you I wonder if she has just given up. Those are things I could never imagine ending it over so what is it really? I mean she wishes you didn't get sick? I mean... that is in the vows... but I am a firm believer in the fact that you can't make people do and feel what they don't.

Do you have kids?


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## crazietj (Jan 12, 2011)

Yes, We have 2.


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## crazietj (Jan 12, 2011)

Well a little update. We went to the Therapist, and started to talk about things. Of coarse Im angry that nothing is going on, and we talk about my past, then we talk about her past, and she started to talk about how her parents divorced when she was in her pre teens, and it really affected her. So now we are seeing the therapist separate. We have talked about things a little, and she still tells me she doesnt love me and the spark is gone, but there are feelings there. but if i was to move out she would not cry over me was her words. She did say there would be all new stress with having to try and manage the house and kids. But she has said that she is still in the air with us, so there is still a glimmering chance of hope in my eyes. Im still lost, though. not sure where to go from here. ive done romantic things for her, but it doesnt seem to help any. I still think its work, and school that bothers her, but she says that even if I got a job it wont change anything. I dont know


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## crazietj (Jan 12, 2011)

well things where going great, till last week. We had an argument, i lost my temper, She took off her ring and told me shes done giving me chances. I found out that she has been asking her supervisor to come over when im not home.I have seen texts between them too as well.. I know I have not perfect. but i have done all she wanted, and she still didnt want it. I guess its time to sign the papers, I bow out, I cant keep trying to save our marriage if the other doesnt want it. No matter what i do, or say doesnt help.


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## crazietj (Jan 12, 2011)

I dont want to end it, but today my oldest son lashed out on her, about everything. He told her he wants to live with me, and so on. Thats when i figured its just time to let it go...Its hurting our kids more.

But to be honest, we never fight, we never raise our voices at one another, and last week we both must of had a bad day, and thats when the tempers flew. I was trying to talk to her about us, and she just sat there. it was like talking to a wall, then she told me that im the most emotionally draining person she had ever met. then i lost it, and charged out the room...big mistake on my part, too late now i guess. she will not go to counseling again, it was her idea to end it the first place. oh well, im lost, but i cant allow her to walk all over me and blame me for everything. I will not stand by while she tries to have an affair...I do love my wife, but i got to think about the rest of the family and myself now...

I do have that movie fireproof coming, and hope to watch it with her, and maybe it may open her eyes up. but niether of us are big christans so im not sure if it will help. but its my last ditch effort to save this.


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