# what do I do



## koala49 (Jul 21, 2009)

I need help to decide what I am going to do. I have been married now for 7 years it is my third marriage, my previous marriage was for 24 years but my husband died. My problem is the man I am married to now spends all his time in his shed. I do mean ALL his time. I work three days a week and so when I go to work I kiss him goodbye, he is still in bed at that time, when I come home he is already home and in his shed. I call out when dinner is ready and he comes up and eats his dinner then he goes back to his shed. I used to go down and say goodnight to him in the shed but I have given up doing that now, its not worth it, I just go to bed and he usually comes to bed when I am asleep. Then the next day goes along the same lines. He is even in his shed on Saturday all day and night and same thing on Sunday. He has a motorbike in there which he has owned now for around 9 months, he has repainted it twice and has done everything he could possibly do to it, sometimes I go down there and he is just standing there looking at the bike, I feel he is obsessed with it and in the meantime I am getting angrier and angrier about all this. For many many months now our conversation in total for each day, I am off now goodbye, then your dinner is ready and that is all we manage to say to each other. I dont know what to do but I do know that I cannot live like this any longer. Can anyone give me their opinion on this please I am desperate


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

koala49 said:


> I need help to decide what I am going to do. I have been married now for 7 years it is my third marriage, my previous marriage was for 24 years but my husband died. My problem is the man I am married to now spends all his time in his shed. I do mean ALL his time. I work three days a week and so when I go to work I kiss him goodbye, he is still in bed at that time, when I come home he is already home and in his shed. I call out when dinner is ready and he comes up and eats his dinner then he goes back to his shed. I used to go down and say goodnight to him in the shed but I have given up doing that now, its not worth it, I just go to bed and he usually comes to bed when I am asleep. Then the next day goes along the same lines. He is even in his shed on Saturday all day and night and same thing on Sunday. He has a motorbike in there which he has owned now for around 9 months, he has repainted it twice and has done everything he could possibly do to it, sometimes I go down there and he is just standing there looking at the bike, I feel he is obsessed with it and in the meantime I am getting angrier and angrier about all this. For many many months now our conversation in total for each day, I am off now goodbye, then your dinner is ready and that is all we manage to say to each other. I dont know what to do but I do know that I cannot live like this any longer. Can anyone give me their opinion on this please I am desperate


he spends all his time in the shed ? LOL !!!
well he has a bike and obsessed with it !!! It's a man thing.
Is there any way you could visit him in the shed? and look at the bike too? Maybe you can listen to his problems with it ?

ps... hey, during football season, I watched the superbowl
and guess what ? I like football watching with my husband because he has a team and he roots for it and I actually enjoyed it and afterwords....
we had many conversations about it, talked about how our dogs played like 2 of the players...
it turned out to be a good thing.
In case I didn't mention it, I never watched football in my entire 50 years on the planet !:lol:


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## koala49 (Jul 21, 2009)

I do sometimes go to the shed and talk to him, thats not our only problem, we have a tenant in the cottage on our property who we have asked to leave because my dad has gone to a nursing home and my mum is on her own when I am at work, a cousin is going to come and live here so that she can help with my mother. The tenant has now become very abusive to me and I have to go to court to get her out. He does not support me in anyway and almost seems to defend this woman. I have been called all sorts of nasty names by her and I am upset, but I get no support at all from my husband. We dont go out anywhere, and he doesnt mow the yard or clean up around the place ALL he ever does is stay in the shed, he spends all his money on the bike. I know men love their sheds but honestly this man does NOTHING but be in this shed


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

So why are you still with him? You're not getting the attention & love you deserve!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

koala49 said:


> I do sometimes go to the shed and talk to him, thats not our only problem, we have a tenant in the cottage on our property who we have asked to leave because my dad has gone to a nursing home and my mum is on her own when I am at work, a cousin is going to come and live here so that she can help with my mother. The tenant has now become very abusive to me and I have to go to court to get her out. He does not support me in anyway and almost seems to defend this woman. I have been called all sorts of nasty names by her and I am upset, but I get no support at all from my husband. We dont go out anywhere, and he doesnt mow the yard or clean up around the place ALL he ever does is stay in the shed, he spends all his money on the bike. I know men love their sheds but honestly this man does NOTHING but be in this shed


Sounds to me like he is trying to stay out of the line of fire between you and the tenant.
You should just go to court and evict her legally, keep any personal feelings out of it.
Maybe after she is gone, he will feel safer about coming out of the shed.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

What the hell is in this shed that he is in there day and night?


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

does he have friends? maybe he should talk to a friend about it. It may help you both if he did


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Have you really talked to him about this??? Not a passing comment here and there....

REALLY SAT HIM DOWN AND TOLD HIM!


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## koala49 (Jul 21, 2009)

A GOD DAMN BIKE thats whats in the shed at the moment, but he has always done this, even before the bike and the tenant came along. He has been married twice before and both wives left. He said it was because he worked all the time and gave them no attention. I can see why now. I thought about going out on my own with a friend and just doing my own thing, but whats the point of being married if you have to act like you are single. I just dont know whether to continue with the marriage or just move on I am not getting any younger and would like to have a good time while I still can


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Once the tenant moves out, I'm sure things will improve.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

is there a reason he prefers the shed/bike over time with you?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You should find a hobby and do it in the shed, stained glass or something, set up a table and go to work, that will drive him back into the house !

lol


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well if you do decide to leave...check out "dont date him girl . com" (remove the spaces).  

I don't get why he'd prefer to spend his time away from you. I'm sure you don't stink, have all of your teeth, dress well, keep your hair neat. Or am I wrong?  

Why get married if you're going to ignore your spouse? Maybe he just wanted the tax write off?


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

koala49 said:


> A GOD DAMN BIKE thats whats in the shed at the moment, but he has always done this, even before the bike and the tenant came along. He has been married twice before and both wives left. He said it was because he worked all the time and gave them no attention. I can see why now. I thought about going out on my own with a friend and just doing my own thing, but whats the point of being married if you have to act like you are single. I just dont know whether to continue with the marriage or just move on I am not getting any younger and would like to have a good time while I still can


First thing is, if he's going to spend all of this time in the shed, don't act like it is wrong for you to go out with friends. It's not "trying to act single", it's about having fun. Just because your husband's idea of fun is sitting in the shed, doesn't mean you can't go out and have fun in your way either.

Second thing. You never answered my question of if you really SAT HIM DOWN AND TOLD HIM how his "shed time" makes you feel?

Third thing, I think you've let him get away with this too long. He's a guy. There might not be anything bad or some underlying issue about spending time in the shed. He might just like it. Guys like that sort of thing. And he might be oblivious of how much it upsets you. You really need to let him know. Don't cut him off completely, but just tell him it would be nice if he would come to bed when you do every once in a while and things like that.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Go to the shed. Tell him how you feel. Ask him if he wants to be married? Ask him if he's satified with the marriage. Ask him if he wants to work on a better marriage.


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## koala49 (Jul 21, 2009)

I have asked him if he is happy many times and I get the same reply that yes all is well, I have said things about how much he is in his shed and his argument is that he doesnt like television and there is nothing to do upstairs and he has to keep busy. I understand that he is someone who likes to keep himself occupied but he never suggests going out for dinner or going anywhere else, the only place he has asked me to go for ages is YOU GUESSED IT the bike show, now I dont mind bikes, but when I see his all the time I am damned if I want to go and look at a thousand more, so I didnt go. Recently I went out with a friend to a Football club on a Friday night and he seemed a little upset about that, then when I mentioned that a friend and I are planning on going on a cruise next year well that was it, the next time I suggested going out with him he said Oh really, you want to be seen in public with me. What that was for I have no idea. When we go out for dinner its always my idea, last night I asked him to go to the club because a country singer he likes was playing there. When I go out I really like to look my best and make an effort to do my hair and make up, and I think I look pretty good, he makes no effort whatsoever, dirty shoes and leaves his work clothes on which is a pair of jeans and a jumper, its like he just doesnt care


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Go to the shed. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want in the marriage. A good way to communicate with him is using I statement..."I feel____, when you stay in the shed all of the time." This will keep him from being defensive.

You have to broach this subject again and make it clear. Don't give him a speech and try to listen to him.


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