# Help, thoughts, advice and prayers needed



## Rosie2013 (Oct 7, 2013)

This is my first post and I just joined the forum today. Our marriage is facing the hardest hurdles. We have been married for 6 years but known each other for 10 years.
In August this year, I finally found out that my husband had an affair. What happened is that he works in a different country from where we. We all lived there for 2 years but our son and I had to go back home because of language, school and other issues. 
Anyway we had issues in the marriage but late last year I started to suspect that he was cheating. All the signs were there but I thought he was sleeping with the maid. I confronted him on several occasions but he denied. In august we had an argument and finally I asked him and he confirmed it. I got all the details and came to know that this woman used to come and sleep in our house. Sometimes we spoke on Skype and the other woman was in the house upstairs. 
This destroyed me and I hated him for this. He apologised and promised it would never happened again. What happened there after is that I was sooo disappointed and with every discussion I would bring this woman/his behaviour and blame him. He was guilty and never liked it. Over the weekend we had a lot of stress and I asked him if he wanted a separation and he said he thinks that is the only way forward. I thought that was what I wanted but today I’m like no I don’t want it. We tried to talk and I suggested we should try to work it out and he said he does not feel this way anymore. He says he does not want to hurt me anymore.

I want to save my marriage but I’m acting too desperate that it’s pushing him away. I just don’t know what to do. Should I just accept and move on or should I try to give him time? I’m really impatient and just afraid that he will go back to this woman.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

You can't control what he does. You have to do what's best for you. I've said it many times before but it's because it works, get individual counseling. Why do you want to stay with a man who's treated you so poorly? That's a question that will take a lot of thought.

Don't you feel that you deserve someone who is faithful to you, who won't hurt you?

It's scary to think about being out there on your own. But guess what? You can do it. You have incredible strength that you have to let free.


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## Rosie2013 (Oct 7, 2013)

KNIFE IN THE HEART said:


> You can't control what he does. You have to do what's best for you. I've said it many times before but it's because it works, get individual counseling. Why do you want to stay with a man who's treated you so poorly? That's a question that will take a lot of thought.
> 
> Don't you feel that you deserve someone who is faithful to you, who won't hurt you?
> 
> It's scary to think about being out there on your own. But guess what? You can do it. You have incredible strength that you have to let free.


Thank you @KNIFE IN THE HEART for your honest reply. I was so devasted when I typed the above message but I'm much better now. I have been thinking about what you have mentioned the past few days and today I came across two articles which made my decision much easier. The one that was an eye opener was "HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN". 
I'm more than convinced that its time to let go. It has really been a tough time. I know its going to be hard but I will try to be strong and fight through.
Thank you once again


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

First, I"m very sorry you're here under these circumstances. 
Second, let me suggest you do some reading in the Coping With Infidelity section of this site. Read about the "180" which I think is on a note at the top, but I could be wrong about that.
Are you in counseling? If not, find someone whether a therapist or clergy or whoever. Just someone who can help you work through your emotions. You are scared and hurt and confused and embarrassed, all of which are perfectly normal. Don't do anything drastic or final until you've had some time to process all of this. The affair was on his time schedule. If there is a separation or a reconciliation it is only on your time.
Best of luck to you.


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