# Wife seeing ex-boyfriend



## Awake1974 (Jul 8, 2012)

Apparently my wife has been unhappy in our marriage for a long time. I take my half of the blame for this, but I won't talk 100% of the blame. Back in May and ex-boyfriend had contacted her through Facebook. They got to chatting and the conversations moved over to email, then to cell phone calls and texts. When I found out about it, my wife would always say they're just catching up because it's been 18 years since they spoke. As I prodded more, she admitted to having phone sex with him. What put me over the edge was where my wife had to go to work out of town and had to stay at her sister's apartment while her sister was away. From looking through my wife's phone, a conversation between her and her sister revealed that the ex-boyfriend paid her a visit to the apartment where they cooked in the kitchen and made alcoholic drinks. One comment from my wife to her sister stated 'they enjoyed playing house.' I confronted my wife about this but she insists that nothing happened, but I don't believe her. Out of betrayal, I threw all her clothes and personal belongings into her car and kicked her out. We have two kids that stay with me. She complains that she needs to see the kids and I let her come over whenever to see them, but she thinks she can divorce me and keep the kids when I did nothing wrong. The part that gets me about her wanting to see the kids is that yesterday she said she would come by to see them, but never did. I don't ask her where she is anymore. All I know is that her job is commission only and she't not making any money and her car has a broken air-conditioner in the 100 degree heat. (I snicker at the thought because she's putting me through pain). 

What I want to know is do those types of relationships have happy endings? I mean the one with her and her ex-boyfriend having a happy and healthy relationship knowing it was created when she is married to me, but said wants a divorce so she can be with him. I don't think they do. I keep telling her that one day she'll regret what she's done by destroying our family.

Please help!!!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

97% of Affair hook-ups FAIL


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

JNJ is correct here and here is why:

Affairs are about fantasy. They don't reflect the reality of everyday living. She gets to have sex with the OM and then he sends her home to you where she enjoys the security of marriage. Eventually however, the "newness" of the sex wears off and it becomes routine just like it did with you. The problems with living with someone in "real life" start to appear and then the relationship implodes. There is a small percentage that succeed and your WW may very well be happier with her OM then with you. That is life however and should not be your concern. Your concern should be you and your personal happiness. You need to implement the 180 RIGHT NOW and have no contact with your WW except for the kids. Now for the terrible part...

I am not a lawyer and this is NOT legal advice.

You do not have the legal right to throw your WW out of your home. By doing so, you may open yourself up to massive spousal support. Not sure if MS is a no fault state or not but her A will have little impact on your impending D. When this gets to the courthouse, the judge will see a poor, destitute woman who is mostly prevented from seeing her children. Unless you two make about the same money, get ready to open your wallet. I hope you are talking to an attorney about what is going on. Give your WW two choices:
1. End all contact with OM RIGHT NOW and send a NC letter that YOU mail after you read it. 

2. You file for divorce RIGHT NOW and have her served. If you are in a fault state where adultery matters, make sure you start collecting evidence. 

At the first hearing, ask for exclusive use of the marital home while the D proceeds. This will LEGALLY keep her out of the home. If you can, negotiate the best settlement directly with her or through mediation. Best of luck here.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I hope you evidenced all your allegations.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

As I said in your other post, expose it wide and far.

expose especially on his side - I know you think the problem lies with your wife - and it does, but he knows she's married and he's still coming round for more.

you need to take him out of the picture and end the affair. Expose him to his wife/gf will do that, and for added benefit he will hopefully throw your wife under the bus to save himself.

So find out who he is, find out where he lives, and find his wife/gf.

he must have one since they had to go to her sisters place to hook up - so clearly if he wasn't with someone himself your wife could have simply gone to his place.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your chick is in for a big time wakening when OM bails or finds some other chick to add to his rotation.

Good guys don't sleep with married women. the OM is not a good guy and the wayward wife will see this soone rather then latter.

Even if the OM paid to get the AC fixed its just a matter of time your wife sees this as payment for sex and nothing more.

You my friend can help by making this affair as dificult and as inconvienent as possible by exposing it and filing for divorce. Remember, filing is completely different then finalinzing so during this waiting period between filing and having her served and when the D is finalized ...your wife turns a corner and values her marriage and her family more then OM.

Stay strong and keep visitation supervised.....talk to your lawyer about a moral clause that will keep OM away from your kids.

Your WW (wayward wifes) first step will be to villianize you and get OM and her kids to be friends. Do not let that happen( hence exposer to the affair).

Again making the affair uncomfortable and inconvienent as possible....get a lawyer and prevent OM being around you kids.

Until your WW stops all contact with OM she is your enemy to you and the family. I get it you love her but the tough love approach I speak about is effective....until she startt to get mad and angry then she has no reason to change.

Right now she is all good, but as you can see the abandonment she has for the kids is starting its effects, so stay strong get her to hit rock bottom then conseed to some of her wishes....especially if you can con firm OM is completely out of the picture.

#1 rule OM is confirmed by you that he is completely out of the picture...only then can the marriage even start to be repaired.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Affair hook ups succeed roughly as often as any other hook up.

That 3% success rate is a myth thrown around the internet by heartbroken BS's

The only substantial stats I`ve seen on it point to a 25% success rate which is roughly the average anyway.

My question is "why do you care?"

You are in a good position as you have stayed in the family home caring for the kids and paying the bills while she has moved out, has no income and can be said to have abandoned her kids in any custody case.

You`re sitting pretty, don`t worry about how wonderful or terrible her life is.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What concerns me is that OP's questions makes me believe he can wait this thing out with out following through with exposure....atleast to the OM's GF or even wife. 

OP has his work to do and I think he wants to just wait it out.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don`t see what exposure gains him.

Sure if the OM has a wife expose to her just to **** his life up like he did the OP`s but other than that I don`t see a point.

He`s kicked her out and they're heading for divorce.

Exposure can't gain him anything positive.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think it prevent him from being the bad guy


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So she tells the family that he's a controling jerk who kicked her out for having friends of the oppisite sex....then what?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

the guy said:


> I think it prevent him from being the bad guy


That is a point depending on what family is around and involved with them.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sure it does, but one has to try.

Secondly the affair will be greatly effected now that its no longer this taboo exciting affair that no one knows about. It becomes reality and now the things like emotions, bills, kids, friendships, families, and just the plian and simble fact they are a couple bring down the excitement of sneaking around.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Hi, friend. Read this.
Welcome TAM CWI newbies

What do you know about OM/XBF? Does he have a GF/SO/Wife. Expose him. Now.
Lawyer up. Find out where you stands and start protecting yourself. She might be doing it on her own. Do't get surpised with bad news.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Remember this was all a fantasy....the playing house and what not, I think OP wants his marriage. and I am giving him a perspective towrds fighting the affair versus just letting her go.

And make no mistake , letting her go is good but we don't know if this was an exit affair or if his chick got sucked into something and has the choose to get out of it if she playes her cards right.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

the guy said:


> So she tells the family that he's a controling jerk who kicked her out for having friends of the oppisite sex....then what?


Anyone who thinks that the "just friends" crap is for real doesn't deserve consideration anyway.



> One comment from my wife to her sister stated 'they enjoyed playing house.' I confronted my wife about this but she insists that nothing happened, but I don't believe her. Out of betrayal, I threw all her clothes and personal belongings into her car and kicked her out.


Finally... A guy who acts like he has some... Well done Awake1974.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

File for divorce. If she is unhappy, let her see what life without you will be like.


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## Awake1974 (Jul 8, 2012)

Thank you so much everyone! This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I felt I wasted the last 17 years with this woman when I should've dumped her way back then. She has told her mom that she has spoken to her ex-boyfriend, but she hasn't told her mom everything. I really want to call her mom and tell her that I have proof that she has had phone sex with her ex and that I have proof that he's been over to see her at her sister's apartment. Mom doesn't know what kind of sl*t she has for a daughter. I don't want to get into name calling, but I'm not gonna come out of this looking like the bad guy. I did nothing wrong except not be a good enough husband, but now I think if I were, would that prevent my wife from doing what she's doing now? That's debatable. I'm gonna fight for the right to be the primary caretaker of my children. My wife doesn't deserve to have them when she's doing what she's doing.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, so make the call. Don't warn her or even tell her you did it.

Also find the ex bf gf/wife and let her know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Don't start questioning your value as a husband or man. Her affair has nothing to do with how good of a husband you were to her. 

Print out the proof of her sexting, drive over to her moms and tell MIL what you found and ask her if she wants to see it. Tell her that both her her daughters are cheats and liars. See how that goes over.

Now is not the time to vascillate. You have to be strong and aggressive brother. This is your marriage! Fight for it, or file for divorce now and be done with her. Either way, you need to expose her adultery so that she cannot blae the demise of the marriage on you.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Cheaters are like ****roaches.....they both run from the light!! So shine the light on them!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Nasty c0ck-a-roaches!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

update ??


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