# How much help can you get from this forum?



## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
There can be several reasons.
(1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
(2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
(3) Some people seem to be very obsessed with certain stories, and want to feel the excitement by fitting you into his/her favorite story.
If you need help, you need seek for professional help. But you can release stress on this forum, and no more than this.

Also, I wonder people who post extremely long posts many each day, are they get paid from the forum or they are very rich, no need to work? The point is that often time (I did not go through a lot of threads though), they mistook, and the very long comments are based on wrong assumption.....

In any case, the forum is a place for people to release stress. In this sense, this is "good" forum.
Moreover, this seems like a place for some people to kill time and may be have some fun?

I decided not to come again, at least not so often.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
> There can be several reasons.
> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> ...


And your point? In one sentence or less please.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Maia.2022 said:


> In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
> There can be several reasons.
> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> ...


So?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Maia.2022 said:


> In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
> There can be several reasons.
> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> ...


We quickly see the dynamics of what is happening, which is why we don't always need all the details.


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## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

Maia.2022 said:


> I decided not to come again, at least not so often.


Hope you enjoyed your stay.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Maia.2022 said:


> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> (3) Some people seem to be very obsessed with certain stories, and want to feel the excitement by fitting you into his/her favorite story.


Yes, there is a lot of truth to all those points. And yes, the help a forum can give is limited. 

However, there are two other effects that occur, that can be helpful:
(1) We can often assess what's going on with a poster, not by what they tell us, but by how they interact on the forum. For example, if it's someone who immediately takes offence at everything everyone says, that may give us a clue as to why they have relationship difficulties. Or if they post once and disappear, or if they apologise too much, whatever it may be. Or if they don't seem to be answering some apparently important question.

(2) Yes, there is a lot of that "fitting you into" people's favourite stories. But the original enquirer can filter that out, to some extent, by reading different responses and seeing what the preponderant view is. There is a reasonable variety of people here.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

There are many regular posters on TAM that have plenty of experience and are able to communicate their thoughts very well to help other posters in distress.

Some new posters on TAM are attention seekers and are here for their own entertainment. They will post their 'problems' and then when questioned for more details, they fail to provide them.

TAM is a great place to get marriage and relationship advice. Some of the advice on here is equal to or surpasses the advice you may receive from registered therapists.

JMHO.


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

ah_sorandy said:


> There are many regular posters on TAM that have plenty of experience and are able to communicate their thoughts very well to help other posters in distress.
> 
> Some new posters on TAM are attention seekers and are here for their own entertainment. They will post their 'problems' and then when questioned for more details, they fail to provide them.
> 
> ...


lol, sounds dreamy.
Like the insecure jealous new guy recently. He provided full information, all personal and some extremely private, can make him be easily identified by people in the same town, and such private information?!
Did he get any help?! hardly!
I would say those who kindly offered advice, if they were his counselor, they would have all lost licenses. lol.

But this is a good place for some people kill time and feel self achievement by offering "advice", or some seem to enjoy very much every opportunity to fit someone to a miserable story. it does not matter it is merely in his/her imagination or not.

In short, this is a forum for some people to release stress and some others to kill time and act like self entitled counselor.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> lol, sounds dreamy.
> Like the insecure jealous new guy recently. He provided full information, all personal and some extremely private, can make him be easily identified by people in the same town, and such private information?!
> Did he get any help?! hardly!
> I would say those who kindly offered advice, if they were his counselor, they would have all lost licenses. lol.
> ...


Most relevant to your posts is the fact that you seem to be here for your entertainment. Is that helping you on your life journey?

Padiwan, that's the only question related to your posts.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> lol, sounds dreamy.
> Like the insecure jealous new guy recently. He provided full information, all personal and some extremely private, can make him be easily identified by people in the same town, and such private information?!
> Did he get any help?! hardly!
> I would say those who kindly offered advice, if they were his counselor, they would have all lost licenses. lol.
> ...


Anyone coming here in hopes that a forum will replace professional advice or help (therapist, lawyer, etc), is a fool.


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## st5555 (Dec 7, 2019)

For me, just posting my issues was a bit cathartic. When I got a few replies
I felt I wasn't all alone. As time passed and I read a lot of other posts, I realized there
were a lot of people out there with a lot worse problems than me.
So I found this place to be useful and am glad I found it.

Of course the real help came from months of individual and marriage counseling.
So this place may not have all the answers, but it still has a place and serves a 
valuable purpose.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> Anyone coming here in hopes that a forum will replace professional advice or help (therapist, lawyer, etc), is a fool.


What I've found the most helpful is this is a great place to do a sanity check on a wide variety of topics. 
It's a given that anyone dropping by should know to observe and use things that are helpful to broaden a perspective and know how to filter the rest.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

This forum obviously doesn’t fit the needs of everyone. Perhaps you would find a better fit elsewhere.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I'm very thankful for this forum. 🙂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> What I've found the most helpful is this is a great place to do a sanity check on a wide variety of topics.
> It's a given that anyone dropping by should know to observe and use things that are helpful to broaden a perspective and know how to filter the rest.


I'll add, I've unexpectedly developed "knowing" if you will, some members who's views are helpful and always contributing. And nice folks to chat in public forums with. Who knew. 👍👍


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Depends. I can assure you of one thing: if you’re looking to have your own biases confirmed or smoke blown up your posterior, that’s gonna be a no from this group. You also have to be able to glean the sincere advice from people looking for attention or looking to grind whatever axe they have. Kind of like, you know, the whole rest of the universe. You get people who want to help and people who don’t. If you let the people who don’t get you all fired up, you’re gonna have a bad time. But there are people who genuinely want to help.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This is a public, social forum. To talk about stuff. Specifically, marriage and related topics. 

That's what it's set up to be and is exactly what it is.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'll add, I've unexpectedly developed "knowing" if you will, *some members who's views are helpful and always contributing.* And nice folks to chat in public forums with. Who knew. 👍👍


Aw, shucks (stubs toe). lol


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

This is a chat room, and nearly all chat rooms wind up being a clubhouse, where how welcome you are is about how comfortable you make the other members feel. 

If that sounds like the ideal place to get advice, well good luck.


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Anyone coming here in hopes that a forum will replace professional advice or help (therapist, lawyer, etc), is a fool.


Yes， I just realize this, how foolish it is.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

People here don’t have an emotional attachment to your story and can often see things you don’t due to this.

i find this place Very helpful in my current situation.

professional help is nice and all, but I tend to be very unlucky with my choices and end up disliking therapists. Then I get frustrated and unmotivated to find new ones and re-try.

much easier to come here.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Maia.2022 said:


> In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
> There can be several reasons.
> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> ...


Here's how I look at it.

"How much help can you get from this forum"?

Been here long enough to see that there are quite a few people on this forum who have a lot of wisdom to share. Most of it learned from their life experiences and much of it experiencing a great deal of pain. 

So instead of knocking the forum, how about being grateful that there are people who are willing to take the most valuable resource they have (their time) to help others going through trials in their life.

Is there needless comments and people recommending bad advice? Yes but for crying out loud It's the internet.

All it takes is one nugget that could help you turn your situation around. It may just be to encourage a poster. Being able to weed through the comments/advice isn't a reflection on the people posting but rather the person seeking help.

If you haven't found any help here at all but just to vent then that's on you. 

What comes to mind when reading your first post on this thread is "don't cast pearls before swine". 

Maybe go somewhere else on the internet to find the meaning of this because you obviously don't know nor do I expect anyone here on TAM willing to take the time to explain it to you.

In order to recognize valuable advice one has to open their heart. It may just be me but your heart screams of bitterness.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

The beauty of discussion boards like this one is you get responses from a diverse group of people with varied experiences some vastly different from your own. It's unlikely that any one response will be that perfect answer, giving you a formula you need to follow step by step to achieve your heart's desire. 

Rather it forces you voice the question or concern you have. Hopefully to distill it down to its essential elements. Then you read the responses & think about them. As you observed hopefully this leads you to contemplate your situation on a deeper level & your own ruminations lead you to the solution that words best for you. 

For example & this comes up a lot -- people come on here convinced they are right & their partner is wrong about opposite sex friends &/or porn use. There are people on the forums who are both staunchly pro & con, with others who take a more nuanced approached. Reading the responses should help the poster see other points of view & then hopefully talk to their own SO in a constructive manner to resolve the issue in a way that works for them. 

With life, people & problems there is no one size fits all. A discussion is more like a way to talk & hopefully find what works for you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

bobert said:


> Anyone coming here in hopes that a forum will replace professional advice or help (therapist, lawyer, etc), is a fool.


Who was it who helped you learn the truth about your wife? Was it a professional? Nope. Do you feel like a fool?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> Yes， I just realize this, how foolish it is.


Yet you're still posting? Are you here only to stir said pot?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Sometimes in the very few first sentences that a new OP explains their situation, and/or their replies, you can tell right away who's who. Some OP are so fragile in their ego that the very first mention of anything that hits home to them, they rapidly retreat all flustered, upset, and in shame simply because they just can't handle to be told the truth in their face. They either disappear, or are so combatant due to their inability to see things any other way but their own (big red flag), and then they wonder why they have so much wrong going their way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I like to use this forum for peer review into my thought processes, even though I may disagree or need to set the record straight from time to time it's better than an echo chamber for my thoughts. There are things I also don't even trust friends to discuss about, and or they have their own problems.

So yeah, it helps.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

It was never set up as a substitute for professional help. It's more like talking to your friends but it's a broader group & it can be easier to be anonymous. None of us know you or your SO.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

LATERILUS79 said:


> professional help is nice and all, but I tend to be very unlucky with my choices and end up disliking therapists. Then I get frustrated and unmotivated to find new ones and re-try.


During my separation/divorce neither my therapist nor my lawyer were particularly good at their jobs.

Just because someone is able to obtain a degree and set up a business doesn't automatically make them an asset.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

I see the problem. You get out of it what you put into it. If you have nothing to contribute, you will get nothing in return.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

bobert said:


> Anyone coming here in hopes that a forum will replace professional advice or help (therapist, lawyer, etc), is a fool.


When I came to this site in 2014, I was LOST.

A handful of key posters on this site provided me FAR MORE than the three different IC's I tried during the same period of time. It was not even close.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> Who was it who helped you learn the truth about your wife? Was it a professional? Nope. Do you feel like a fool?


I didn't intend for my first response to be taken that way, though it was quite short so I'm not surprised.

I absolutely do think this forum can be useful. It just shouldn't be expected to replace IC, MC, or a lawyer.

You're right about who helped me in the early days, 100%. My wife and I did see therapists before I ever came to TAM, and I had one tell me what was going on was totally normal. It wasn't and people here very quickly pointed that out. I don't think a single person said it was normal and everything was hunky-dory.

I had a ton of people here who wanted to help me, whether their advice was something I agreed with or not. There is a ton of knowledge that can be shared here, and a lot of it comes from people experiencing it firsthand or being here for years and reading similar stories over and over. It definitely has its place in helping people out, just like therapists and lawyers (good ones!) have their place as well.

When I needed to vent, I could easily do that here. Was it helpful? I don't know. It certainly felt like it at the time, but doing that also tends to get me "stuck" in it rather than letting it go. Helpful and unhelpful advice followed, but like mentioned above - take what works for you and leave the rest. The people who I found the most helpful in the very early days and thought I'd leave/just wanted to **** talk my wife were not the ones I found helpful later on when I decided to stay married. Is that bad or good? I don't know, but the variety can be helpful sometimes and I know (most of) those people meant well.

In between the venting there was a TON of information shared with me that helped a lot. Information that without TAM I wouldn't have known. When I was trying to understand my wife, I had people here who helped me a ton with that as well - especially @Affaircare and @turnera. I'm sure there were others as well but those are the first two that come to mind. I think I would have been lost without that help, or broke - one of the two! That advice was invaluable.

When I decided to stay married, I took a 5-6 month break from TAM because very few agreed with my decision and TAM became unhelpful. That is an area where TAM is unhelpful, IMO. I would not call this a supportive environment for people who choose to reconcile after infidelity. That's based on my experience and maybe others would disagree with me, who knows. At this point, I have no desire to vent here about my situation or tell the internet my life story. Partly because I just don't need to do that and I recognize that it isn't helpful anymore, but also because doing it here would be more harmful than helpful.

That doesn't mean TAM is useless to me now though. I think what people can get from TAM can change over time, and I did return so it can't be that bad! For a while, I found it helpful to "give back" and help others. At least something good could come out of the ****storm. Now, some days I find it triggering and I have to be careful not to let it ruin my mood or pull me back too much. That has been an off and on pattern for the last few years, though.

Reading threads by others helps as well, like @No Longer Lonely Husband. If he says something that is the same or similar to whatever I'm dealing with, it helps. The whole "not alone" thing I guess.

Do I feel like a fool for coming here? No. For other reasons sure, but not for coming here.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Maia.2022 said:


> In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
> There can be several reasons.
> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> ...


*Moderator note:-*

You are rude, mocking, entitled and derisive. Mocking people who took the time from their busy days/life to offer you help.

Why would you ask for help or advice on TAM, because you have the appearance of being someone who knows everything already?

You are right. You don't have to come to TAM. Please don't.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

farsidejunky said:


> When I came to this site in 2014, I was LOST.
> 
> A handful of key posters on this site provided me FAR MORE than the three different IC's I tried during the same period of time. It was not even close.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


Yep. I see it exactly the same way.

There are some key posters here (You know who you are  ) that desperately want me to get back to IC.

I will in due time. Or at least, I'll try again. I won't hold my breath thinking I'll get lucky and find one that actually does a good job for me. Who knows though. I may get lucky - which is why I'll try again once I can get my life settled back down. 

The information and insight I've received from some of the posters here (including the moderator whom I'm quoting in this post) have changed my outlook on my life. I am seeing things differently for sure and it has increased my efficiency in solving my problems as opposed to trying to figure it all out alone.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

@bobert said something that also really stuck with me: People here can point out things that are not "normal". 

You don't know what you don't know. 

There are a variety of ways for spouses/SO's to gaslight and manipulate. I had NO CLUE that was happening to me. Do I feel like a fool for falling for those kinds of things? Yeah. I have my pride to look after..... but once I could get past that, it certainly was nice to see a wide variety of people from all different perspectives be able to figure out what was going on. What wasn't normal.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

TAM helped me through my divorce. Not so much all the opinions. Just being able to vent and have others listen. I no longer even think of the cheating and the lying. I think TAM and the discussions I had here helped me recover more quickly. I still get triggered by certain topics but it’s all part of the healing process I suppose.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Well, this site provided me with the motivation to rip off the bandaid and go to immediately to “180 mode”, and to call ******** on the “cheaterspeak” flowing out of my FWWs mouth.

I still remember sitting at my kitchen table on a Sunday morning and my wife asking me for a separation. I slammed the palm of my hand down on the table and said what a great idea! Went upstairs and got a hanging bag and a suitcase and said “pack up and move on out.You are not going to bang anyone in our house. You are the one moving out.”…..left her dumbfounded LOL.

We are able to recover……life is good now.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

bobert said:


> Anyone coming here in hopes that a forum will replace professional advice or help (therapist, lawyer, etc), is a fool.


Its like they say, the advice is worth as much as you paid for it.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Everyone’s idea of “help” is different, too. Sometimes, you just need to know you’re not alone if you’re going through a difficult time, or maybe you want to pay it forward since you’ve gained support in the past. It’s really no different than advice you may get offline - cherry pick what makes sense for your situation.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I'll say its like any other Internet message forum, it has its good and bad points. I hang out on a few automotive sites and while the subject is different, the posting styles are the same.


There are posters who come to post just to vent. (Guy wants car to go faster but has no idea what to do)

There are posters that are helpful (Guy has been racing for 50 years and loves to share advice)

There are posters that just want to see themselves post. (Guy doesn't even have a car but talks like he does)

There are posters who are full of themselves and others really shouldn't listen (Guy bought a fast car from someone else and now tells everyone how smart he is and how he wins all his races and yet knows nothing about how they work)

There are posters who come just to fight and put others down. (Guy has no idea what he is doing but loves to tell others they are wrong about their cars)

There are some who are indeed genuine and helpful (Guy is your friendly neighbor who just wants to help)


The biggest thing you have to do on those sites and here is be able to identify all the players listed above.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Something crazy is going on in Florida these days. That's an excellent breakdown. Florida man (or guy in this case) telling it like it is!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Maia.2022 said:


> In my opinion not that much, and the limited help is not by the answer you need, instead by your talking and pouring out some stress.
> There can be several reasons.
> (1) You can hardly describe full story with all details. And most cases, tiny details are most important. Most comments are judgmental based on partial facts.
> (2) Even if you tell full story, a lot of times, it cannot really help. The same word said, same action taken by one in the story, can be interpreted differently by people from different population, because each population with different educational background, professions, economic standards, religions, ...... all can affect.
> ...


TAM helped me to wake up and take control of my life at a time I felt completely helpless and adrift. It was incredibly painful to hear some things, but I appreciated those who took time to give feedback and provide another perspective. If I'd stayed in my comfort zone, my life would have been very different. I've gone from feeling like I was counting down the days waiting to die to building my future and looking forward to more stability.

You get what you give. If you come looking for people to kiss your ass and tell you you're doing the right thing, then you're not going to get anything but a rude awakening.

Sorry it didn't work for you, but no need to be butthurt and deride people on your way out. Hopefully, you poke your head out of your bubble before the air runs out, good luck.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Pro tip: If you think TAM isn't helpful or you don't like it, leave. I've made some friends here and actually gotten some help through PMing people. Maybe if the open forum is too harsh for you try picking out a few people and PMing them. If what you're doing isn't working, do something different. What I can guarantee is that throwing a fit will NOT help. Of that I can assure you.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> TAM helped me to wake up and take control of my life at a time I felt completely helpless and adrift. It was incredibly painful to hear some things, but I appreciated those who took time to give feedback and provide another perspective. If I'd stayed in my comfort zone, my life would have been very different. I've gone from feeling like I was counting down the days waiting to die to building my future and looking forward to more stability.
> 
> You get what you give. If you come looking for people to kiss your ass and tell you you're doing the right thing, then you're not going to get anything but a rude awakening.
> 
> Sorry it didn't work for you, but no need to be butthurt and deride people on your way out. Hopefully, you poke your head out of your bubble before the air runs out, good luck.


One thing everyone on TAM can count on:

if you are butthurt, TXTrini will let you know. It’s a scientific fact. 😂


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

@Maia.2022 I think you're mostly right but it's going to depend on the person. Some people might have no one they can talk or vent to. For them, there is TAM. I do think you're going to get a lot of bad advice in a place like this, but you will also get some decent advice. I think it's up to the individual to be a bit discerning when they decide who's advice they should take to heart. There are a lot of people from many different walks of life so maybe the words of one person will resonate more for you than others. 

One last thing. I do advise people to be careful how much information they put out there. There are a lot of crappy people on the internet with nothing better to do than to try and make other people as miserable as they are. Anything you share on here can be used against you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> Everyone’s idea of “help” is different, too. Sometimes, you just need to know you’re not alone if you’re going through a difficult time, or maybe you want to pay it forward since you’ve gained support in the past. It’s really no different than advice you may get offline - cherry pick what makes sense for your situation.


This is true. 

Additionally, sometimes people need to be called out on their own **** as well. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> @Maia.2022 I think you're mostly right but it's going to depend on the person. Some people might have no one they can talk or vent to. For them, there is TAM. I do think you're going to get a lot of bad advice in a place like this, but you will also get some decent advice. I think it's up to the individual to be a bit discerning when they decide who's advice they should take to heart. There are a lot of people from many different walks of life so maybe the words of one person will resonate more for you than others.


I do agree with you.
In the end, even if you go to a counselor, you still need to do a lot of critical thinking to come up with a term what to do next or what to decide.
Yes, there are a few very sensible wise people on TAM whose advice can be helpful.
There are also quite a few very angry people, always ready to be very angry, or always very ready or very wish to see very miserable things. They are more passionate about fitting you into some stories than really giving any helpful advice. Also some very confident people, who think they know everything, can quickly grab dynamics after reading a few sentences.......

Even without any helpful advice, yes, talking on TAM without being identified, can release some stress when people are in desperate situation, and have no one to talk with.

To me, I think this can be a place to see what other people in different subpopulations are thinking, what can happen in bad kinds of marriage, how miserable life can it be if you make wrong choice,.....
I think I would read posts just like watching TV show.
I will not post anything to get advice, but might, if I have some thing general very curious about, I might post something to see what other people think about this.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It sounds like you're not happy with how your obsession with a neighbor thread worked out. 

When you tire of playing Yoda and acting like you know everything, Disney has an opening for Goofy.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> I do agree with you.
> In the end, even if you go to a counselor, you still need to do a lot of critical thinking to come up with a term what to do next or what to decide.
> Yes, there are a few very sensible wise people on TAM whose advice can be helpful.
> There are also quite a few very angry people, always ready to be very angry, or always very ready or very wish to see very miserable things. They are more passionate about fitting you into some stories than really giving any helpful advice. Also some very confident people, who think they know everything, can quickly grab dynamics after reading a few sentences.......
> ...


By definition posting on something you're curious about in your life to see what other persons think is looking for advice. 

Your writing is improving quite a bit. Reminds me of another sporadic poster.


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

Blondilocks said:


> It sounds like you're not happy with how your obsession with a neighbor thread worked out.
> 
> When you tire of playing Yoda and acting like you know everything, Disney has an opening for Goofy.


Sorry to disappoint you.
This is exactly what I was talking about. Why are you desperately seeking for unhappy miserable stories?

In fact, it is going very well (we started talking again, and will be organizing Escape room with some other friends), and I realized how "Much" help I got from here.
There are several reasons.
(1) Some people are miserable here and desperately seek for misery stories, and try to fit everything to their stories.
(2) People are mostly among different sub populations than what I and they guy belong to, and cannot understand our logic and standard.
(3) Some are just very lack of sense, wisdom, IQ, and some others are just mean miserable sags.

but to be fair there are a few wise people, but those seem to be busy, not too much coming here.

But I think the reason I started critical thinking about this site is what I saw in all responses to the poor insecure jealous guy's post.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> Sorry to disappoint you.
> This is exactly what I was talking about. Why are you desperately seeking for unhappy miserable stories?
> 
> In fact, it is going very well (we started talking again, and will be organizing Escape room with some other friends), and I realized how "Much" help I got from here.
> ...


I don't see how you'd think @Blondilocks was disappointed by your post. How did you get there?


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I don't see how you'd think @Blondilocks was disappointed by your post. How did you get there?


How did he get there first point, right?
Obviously that is what he wished. lol

I had few min to kill. Now, I am back to work.
do not have too much time to kill.

Why do you post that much? What is the point. Most of your posts are not making any positive contribution, but try to fit things in your miserable stories. Does this make you feel better?
Why dont you spend time that can really improve your life?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> How did he get there first point, right?
> Obviously that is what he wished. lol
> 
> I had few min to kill. Now, I am back to work.
> ...


He?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> How did he get there first point, right?
> Obviously that is what he wished. lol
> 
> I had few min to kill. Now, I am back to work.
> ...


You're writing skills are really improving as you go along, do you do the same types of posts on multiple forums/sites for entertainment?

Looks that way but welcome to TAM.


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You're writing skills are really improving as you go along, do you do the same types of posts on multiple forums/sites for entertainment?
> 
> Looks that way but welcome to TAM.


On that crying Sunday, I posted on two sites.
But now, i realized how silly thing I did.

BTW. Why are you willing to spend time to type these posts?
There can be 2 reasons. One help others and the other you make money or feel good.
Obviously not the first one. Then can only be second one.

How miserable life one must be living to feel good by posting the kind of posts you posted?
Don't you have a career that you can enjoy pursuing, or good friends, or just family life that can make you feel good daily or just keep you occupied engaged, not by some silly posts that you think you hurt some people and made some people more misrable than you.
Most likely no one would really think more than the fact that how miserable this guy is


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> On that crying Sunday, I post on two sites.
> But now, i realized how silly thing I did.
> 
> BTW. Why are you willing to spend time to type these post?
> ...


You did it. I'm wounded and may never recover. Where have you been all this time, you could have saved me years of grief. 🤣🤣🤣

Entertaining you are padiwan, granted. 
It's the fact you state TAM is horrible and why would anyone be here yet you're still posting that's interesting.


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You did it. I'm wounded and may never recover. Where have you been all this time, you could have saved me years of grief. 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> Entertaining you are padiwan, granted.
> It's the fact you state TAM is horrible and why would anyone be here yet you're still posting that's interesting.


Wrote to answer your questions.
Now again I realized it was silly. Just like talking to another species that cannot understand same language.
It was silly, but I have habit of answering when people ask.

Just my thoughts.
Some people are some how just genuinely strangely mean. I think it might be because their miserable life.
What I cannot understand is why don't they try to spend time on doing things that can make life better.

Like for myself, usually during day, I spend time on my work, and if my algorithm can get patent, I will be able to make more money, and can by a house, fancy holidays.....
During weekend and holidays, i think about how to enjoy things, meet with friends, go to events, or organize games, like escape room....


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maia.2022 said:


> Wrote to answer your questions.
> Now again I realized it was silly. Just like talking to another species that cannot understand same language.
> It was silly, but I have habit of answering when people ask.
> 
> ...


When I said welcome to TAM I meant it. 

There are a lot of historical posts and current posts that can share insights on things you may be going through in relationships and life. Many posters have experienced a great many human relationships similarities and help others see through things by offering different perspectives. 

That is available here should you choose to hang around. Certainly your call.


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## Maia.2022 (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> When I said welcome to TAM I meant it.
> 
> There are a lot of historical posts and current posts that can share insights on things you may be going through in relationships and life. Many posters have experienced a great many human relationships similarities and help others see through things by offering different perspectives.
> 
> That is available here should you choose to hang around. Certainly your call.


Thanks then.
I think the first reply to this thread is a very wise man. He said something like people are different, ......
I do not like everything about my friends, and friendships have ups and downs. We are social animals, and we need to interact in daily life. We cannot live isolated life. If we want to interact only with people we perfectly like, then we must isolate ourselves.
I will try to like the good side of people here, and ignore things that I do not like.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Wow, OP, you must really have no life to be coming back to argue after hating TAM and everyone on it. It's funny that you insult people for being on here and you're still here...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

TXTrini said:


> It's funny that you insult people for being on here and you're still here...


Not anymore.


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