# Holding pattern on pursuing divorce



## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

Am I crazy? I asked my lawyer to hold off filing the divorce papers. My husband betrayed me with an affair with a callgirl, including a trip, a threesome and a planned 3 week vacation. He says he is sorry, now realizes how bad it was, how much he hurt me, etc. I am depressed, angry, and wounded. He is an alcoholic and has road rage. I can't believe I am even considering trying to work things out with him, but we have 26 years together (24 married) and 2 teenaged sons. We would be okay financially without him. And, I'm not getting any younger. So, am I crazy?


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Crazy? No. But I do definitely recommend that you get a bit of emotional distance from him (ie. 180 or "lovingly detaching" as is common with addicts) and focus on YOU for a while. And just see where that leads you--may be back to him to build a new relationship, may be off on your own. But you don't need to make any decisions overnight. Actually, my therapist recommends treating infidelity the same as a death and not making any major decisions for a year afterwards, for what it's worth.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Have you done any therapy to figure out why you stayed as long as you did?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Anonymous_Female said:


> Crazy? No. But I do definitely recommend that you get a bit of emotional distance from him (ie. 180 or "lovingly detaching" as is common with addicts) and focus on YOU for a while. And just see where that leads you--may be back to him to build a new relationship, may be off on your own. But you don't need to make any decisions overnight. Actually, my therapist recommends treating infidelity the same as a death and not making any major decisions for a year afterwards, for what it's worth.


I agree with AF.

I'm sorry you're going through that. That whole thing is terrible.


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

We were working with a MC until the exposure of the dirt less than 2 weeks ago. I need IC and was going to continue with the MC alone, but she is out of town, and for the next two wks, my work hours conflict. The MCs reaction was that I should get an atty right away--mostly for financial protection, I think. I do appreciate the idea of not rushing into any decisions. It infuriates me that his actions makes me afraid to trust anyone.


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