# so unhappy



## lucy22 (Jul 11, 2012)

Hi everyone. Well where do i start. I was with my husband for 10 years, married 7 and just after Easter he told me he was moving out and it was all over. I was completely heart broken and made a fool of myself begging him to change his mind but he wouldn't. I still love him so much as my husband and best friend and can't believe this is happening!
We have had a real tough time in the past. He has had a lot of health problems but I stuck by him loving him to bits, holding him through all the tears and fear. It broke my heart because I always thought he was such a lovely person who didn't deserve this to happen to him. We suffered financially as a result but we never let it get to us and never rowed about money just did the best we could under the circumstances. A few times we came close to getting evicted but we were lucky to have family who helped us through it.

Some of his health problems had left him infertile so this year we was about to try IVF. We had had his sperm frozen in the past which is what he wanted and he always said he wanted children with me. I used to really struggle seeing other people with their kids but he always told me it will be us soon. He has his own kids from previous relationships who I loved as if they were my own.
After all the things that have gone wrong for us, I was so excited this year because I thought we would finally try have our own baby and then he suddenly told me he had changed his mind about kids and didn't want them anymore but he wanted to stay together just the way we were. I was really upset when he told me because for 10 years I thought its what he wanted as well. We both cried buckets and he said he would understand if I left him but I just couldn't do it so we agreed to leave it 6 months to see how we felt then. TBH I felt there and then I would rather have no kids and stay with him than separate because I loved him so much and couldn't face the prospect of life without him. 

Things seemed to settle for a bit but then 2 weeks later he told me he still didn't want to have kids and also he didn't love me anymore and was moving out. I was a complete mess I couldn't understand why he was throwing it all away. We had a happy marriage and so much fun together. He was so kind and caring and made me laugh so much. It was like he had become a different person. 

Trouble is he was also texting and meeting this woman he used to work with since the start of this year. He kept telling me they were just friends and he was helping her through her divorce but I was terrified he was cheating on me because he became distant and unaffectionate. He said later it was because he was trying to distance himself from me and felt he was doing the best thing for me because he didn't want kids and he knew I did and it would be unfair if I stayed with him and didn't have kids.
He denied anything was going on between her and him but 5 minutes after ending it with me he is now with her. He says its just casual but it seems to have confirmed my worst fears that that is the real reason he left. I had to move out before he did and he stayed in the house a few weeks having his friends over and having a great time. 

Now I have been forced to move back in with my parents, have a lot of debt to pay off, have lost my husband and best friend and feel like my life has fallen to pieces. He is with his new girlfriend but says he wants to stay friends with me but I just feel pushed aside and forgotten about. 

My family have been great but I hate having to live back with my parents because I feel like a complete failure and so unhappy. I can't stop crying and feel like I'm stuck in a bad dream. I wish he would change his mind but I know he won't. 
I can't imagine my life without him and now I have to get a divorce and I don't want to. I miss him so much and just can't believe the man I married could be capable of doing this to me. I always felt so lucky because he was such a wonderful man and everyone liked him. No one could believe it when they found out because they always said what a happy couple we were.

I'm so scared and alone I want him back so much it hurts. I'm scared I will always be alone and will never find someone else or who would want me. He said I have done nothing wrong its him and he admits hes been selfish but I can't help thinking I must have done something wrong. Its been 3 months and I feel no better. I'm trying to move on with my life but its so hard to do anything. I just want to hide in my room and never come out because I don't see how I can face life without him =(


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

He hasnt been very honest with you. You should just let go of him and be thankful that you didnt have kids with him in the first place. Dont worry about being alone. You just need to change your mindset. There is always someone for everyone but you need to let that someone find you (going out, doing things instead of staying at home and crying)


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I suppose you should really have some counselling. You have to forget him and move on. Anyway you want kids and he wasnt going to give you any. You will be better off with someone else. There are more fish in the sea.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

You haven't done anything wrong - he was detaching from you because he was seeing another woman, he was being dishonest because he didn't have the balls to tell you straight

you are not a failure, you gave love and support to a man who chose to throw it back in your face - I've been there too, trust me, it's a lot more common than you might think

what you have to do now is focus on yourself and getting back to being the person you were before you met him. You won't be friends with him, don't kid yourself - it's something people say to try and soften the blow and why would you want to anyway? Friends don't treat each other this way

Get out and about, see friends, don't contact him - be strong. You have your family for support. Life is an adventure - start a new chapter!
x


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> You haven't done anything wrong - he was detaching from you because he was seeing another woman, he was being dishonest because he didn't have the balls to tell you straight
> 
> you are not a failure, you gave love and support to a man who chose to throw it back in your face - I've been there too, trust me, it's a lot more common than you might think
> 
> ...


i couldn't agree more. see a counselor- it helps. go out, have fun. even if you have to force yourself at first. it does get easier, i promise! the best thing i did was stop focusing on winning him back and daydreaming about him coming home, telling me what a huge mistake he made. when i mentally ended our relationship, it was like cutting the rope that was dragging me down.


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## lucy22 (Jul 11, 2012)

Ty everyone. I am going to start seeing a counselor on monday I hope it will help me. 
Its hard to believe the man i married could do this to me when I always thought how lucky I was with him /sigh.
I am trying to do more things and focus on myself a bit. its just been so much thrown at me so quickly but I am doing my best to push myself to do things even just taking the dog for a walk helps.
The hardest thing is trying to accept its over but I'm really trying to convince myself it is otherwise I will go crazy


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