# I need help/advice, my gf hates my daughter



## venezian12

Im 32, divorced and live in NY. My daughter from my marriage lives with her mother in NJ (a 2 hour drive one way) I am currently dating a young woman who is only 23, and we have been dating for 2 years now. I could definitely see myself being with her in a union of marriage, however she has very strong views and is very opinionate about my past life and child. My daughter is only five and my gf constantly puts her down and calls her names like godzilla because at five years old she is already 4'1" and 45 lbs (im 6'2 and her mom was 6' tall) But the problem is that the distance between only allows me to see my daughter every other weekend, which i have never missed one, and i drive out to her house the 2 hours once a week, read her a story put her to bed, and then turn right back around. That equivilates to 4 days every other weekend, and 4 weekdays...and most of that time is spent commuting. My girlfriend tells me that I should be putting her first and not my kid, and that is a battle that she will never win, but i constantly feel like Im going overboard to atleast make her feel like she is. Im afraid to even talk about my kid, because all my gf does is put her down! My gf has a tendency to be very controlling...tells me that my attempt to co-parent with my daugthers mother is really just an attempt to get back with my ex, and im holding onto the past. My girlfriend has told me that even my child is my past and that I should forget about her. It has continuously gotten worse and worse as the arguements happen every few weeks. The kicker is that after my divorce I moved back into an apartment at my parents house, where I have a maintained bedroom for my daughter, and im fortunate enough to have my mother around if I ever need a babysitter. The problem there is that my gf hates my mother too, and will not step foot in my house, so I am constantly running back and forth on weekends, when all i want is to have them both in the same room at the same time. This all has created a rift between my family and myself, and I feel like my daughter is getting to the age where she will start to see my running ragged. Nobody seems to care, especially my gf about the constant pushing and pulling that this tension has created in all aspects of my life, and it was never really a problem until one huge fight we had about a year ago. 
She makes me feel guilty for hanging out with my kid, and she preaches religious beliefs about how a relationship should be. She was raised born-again, but doesnt practice at all...she drinks, has sex, doesnt read the bible daily, ect...and her own father is a preacher for retired police officers in an organization called Badges of Faith. In speaking with her father, the belief is that in a relationship, god comes first, then your spouse, and then your children...because in the end, your spouse will be there for you when your children grow. I respect his beliefs that he raised his children with, but he only converted to born again, after an accident causing his early retirement from the police department at age 31...and Ive heard stories about his life prior to the change of partying and fornication, ect. 
At this point, I dont know what to do...I believe in not casting stones when you live in a glass house...but is this practice common among women who do not have children? Every person that I talk to tells me that "its because she is young" and that she is wrong.

Ive tried my hardest to respect her families beliefs by compromising myself, and and learning as much as I could about it, but every time that I am with my daughter, Im being scolded for not being with her where she lives (her mothers house, on a couch) I have also slept every night on the same couch without recliners and or a pull out bed for the last 9 months. I want more out of my life and more for my child. i have tried to discuss the option of getting an 2 bedroom apartment, one room for us, and one for my daughter...and I get told that my daughter will not be welcome in our apartment. 
I know the right thing to do would be to walk away...but 22-24 other days of the month things between us are great! When these fights happen they last weeks at a time.

Please give any feedback, im also opened to any constructive criticisms. My daughter is very important to me and I work very hard to keep a strong bond between us both, but is there really any way to do that AND make a relationship like this work???

Please help


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## PBear

Your girlfriend is more immature than your 5 year old daughter. I'm guessing at least partially because of her age. If it was me, I'd say that she has to make a choice... Either accept the fact that your daughter is a priority for you, or leave. 

Your child has no one else to protect her in this three way relationship (you, your girlfriend, and your daughter). As the grown-up, it's your responsibility to take care of her needs. As her father, it's your obligation to be there for her. If your girlfriend can't accept that, she should find someone that doesn't have those responsibilities and obligations.

C


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## Therealbrighteyes

Ditch the child and I don't mean yours. Besides, what are you doing dating a woman who just was able to legally drink 2 years ago?


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## lisa3girls

venezian12 said:


> My daughter is only five and my gf constantly puts her down and calls her names like godzilla because at five years old she is already 4'1" and 45 lbs (im 6'2 and her mom was 6' tall)
> 
> My girlfriend tells me that I should be putting her first and not my kid, and that is a battle that she will never win, but i constantly feel like Im going overboard to atleast make her feel like she is.
> Please help


I couldn't get past this....forget it, she isn't long term material, that is if you want a relationship with your daughter. Who is jealous of a 5 year old girl? RUN...AWAY-- BIG RED BURNING FLAG!!!


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## lisa3girls

Brennan said:


> Ditch the child and I don't mean yours. Besides, what are you doing dating a woman who just was able to legally drink 2 years ago?


:iagree:

Her age and immaturity is showing


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## venezian12

@ Brennan - honestly, it just so happened that she was somebody that I ran into very often over the years prior to beginning a relationship. She was also very accepting of my daughter at that time, even went as far as to buy her gifts and make plans for all of us to do things together. I dont get it, one big fight that had nothing to even do with this issue, caused a complete 180 in her attitude toward my child. I know im a good father, because I strive to be everything that my father wasnt. starting with being someone that my daughter could turn to all the time. My daughter has started to pick up on how my gf feels toward her and has told me in private that she doesnt like my gf very much..coming from my 5 year old u could only imagine how emotional this got me...i love my daughter so much, and I love my gf, but I dont want to lose either one if possible...my daughter would win that outright...what pisses me off is that my gf doesnt even have a ring on her finger..i only imagine that this will get worse if she had one.


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## lisa3girls

venezian12;312251.what pisses me off is that my gf doesnt even have a ring on her finger..i only imagine that this will get worse if she had one.[/QUOTE said:


> You know it dude...run away


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## sisters359

Your gf calls your child names? That's just pathetic. What on earth do you see in her? Just hearing about her behavior toward your child and toward your role as a father leaves a bad taste. 

Your daughter will always cherish the time you spent with her and, when she's old enough, she will appreciate the sacrifice you made to see her each time you did, and all that driving. Keep up the good work.


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## Therealbrighteyes

venezian12 said:


> @ Brennan - honestly, it just so happened that she was somebody that I ran into very often over the years prior to beginning a relationship. She was also very accepting of my daughter at that time, even went as far as to buy her gifts and make plans for all of us to do things together. I dont get it, one big fight that had nothing to even do with this issue, caused a complete 180 in her attitude toward my child. I know im a good father, because I strive to be everything that my father wasnt. starting with being someone that my daughter could turn to all the time. My daughter has started to pick up on how my gf feels toward her and has told me in private that she doesnt like my gf very much..coming from my 5 year old u could only imagine how emotional this got me...i love my daughter so much, and I love my gf, but I dont want to lose either one if possible...my daughter would win that outright...what pisses me off is that my gf doesnt even have a ring on her finger..i only imagine that this will get worse if she had one.


She was nice to your daughter in the beginning to rope you in. Now that she "has" you, her true nature is coming through. Anybody who is threatened by Dad time with his child, isn't a keeper. The controlling, the hatred of your child, the hatred of your ex-wife, the hatred of your mother.....THESE ARE ALL RED FLAGS THAT THIS CHICK IS A PRIMA DONNA PRINCESS who wants to exile every woman out of your life so she is number 1. Banish HER from the kingdom.


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## sisters359

You know, it always cracks me up that people say your spouse will be there when your children won't. Damn, you've been a pretty awful parent if your child isn't there when you need 'em.

And since women tend to outlive men--isn't this statement rather biased toward men? I mean, husbands will have their wives but the men are not likely to be around when the wife is in her most needy time--yet the children will be.


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## PBear

sisters359 said:


> You know, it always cracks me up that people say your spouse will be there when your children won't. Damn, you've been a pretty awful parent if your child isn't there when you need 'em.
> 
> And since women tend to outlive men--isn't this statement rather biased toward men? I mean, husbands will have their wives but the men are not likely to be around when the wife is in her most needy time--yet the children will be.


I think the point to this is that yes, your children will always be your children (and hopefully love you, take care of you when you're old, and all that rot)... But at some point, your children will be moving out of your house (God willing!), leaving you and your spouse to look at each other and say "Now what do we do for the next 40 years?"

C


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## venezian12

All I ever wanted to do was to be able to have both my daughter and gf build a relationship, and have my gf support my relationship with my daughter, but it clearly hasnt been happening for a while. Ive spent alot of time trying to make everyone else happy except myself...both my gf and my daughter make me happy on one hand, but my gf causes so much grief and stress in my life regarding this that at 32 years old, I already have high blood pressure, and high cholesterol and have also seen doctors regarding stress related panic attacks that have actually created permanent damage to my trigeminal nerves in my head and face. I want to be around as my daughter grows up, and I feel that this stress is killing me, it frustrates me to high hell that my gf sees what she does to me and my health, and still does not realize nor accept that she is the cause or atleast partially of it...she blames it all on me not being able to get over my past.


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## notaname

I couldn't make it past the part where she also hates your mother.

Sorry, but I don't see anything promising in this relationship. She hates your CHILD and your mother! 

That'd be a dealbreaker for me.


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## Therealbrighteyes

venezian12 said:


> All I ever wanted to do was to be able to have both my daughter and gf build a relationship, and have my gf support my relationship with my daughter, but it clearly hasnt been happening for a while. Ive spent alot of time trying to make everyone else happy except myself...both my gf and my daughter make me happy on one hand, but my gf causes so much grief and stress in my life regarding this that at 32 years old, I already have high blood pressure, and high cholesterol and have also seen doctors regarding stress related panic attacks that have actually created permanent damage to my trigeminal nerves in my head and face. I want to be around as my daughter grows up, and I feel that this stress is killing me, it frustrates me to high hell that my gf sees what she does to me and my health, and still does not realize nor accept that she is the cause or atleast partially of it...she blames it all on me not being able to get over my past.


You are 32 and this 23 year old is causing this much stress and tension in you. Imagine what kind of trauma she is creating for your 5 year old daughter?
Your girlfriend sounds like a sociopath. Run like hell, my friend and for God's sake do not have unproctected sex with her, YOUR protection.

Was this young woman the other woman?


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## lisa3girls

Brennan said:


> You are 32 and this 23 year old is causing this much stress and tension in you. Imagine what kind of trauma she is creating for your 5 year old daughter?
> Your girlfriend sounds like a sociopath. Run like hell, my friend and for God's sake do not have unproctected sex with her, YOUR protection.
> 
> Was this young woman the other woman?


:iagree:


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## magnoliagal

Anybody that makes you choose between them and your child is not worth being with. But add to the part where this woman is being mean is another big huge red flag. I can't believe you are still with her.


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## COGypsy

Let's just break this down:
*She's mean, flat out mean, to your daughter.
*She's obsessively jealous of your mother and a 5-year old.
*She's driven you out of your own home to sleep on her mother's couch with her.
*She's caused so much stress and strife with all of this that you have the health problems of a man twice your age.

In the end, what you have is a 23-year old controlling shrew who is learning every day that her behavior is acceptable. And let me tell you, for all that you may 'adore' your daughter, if she's telling you at 5 that she doesn't like this woman, pretty soon she's going to find more and more reasons not to be anywhere around her...or you.

I'm sure your girlfriend is great for the 22 days that you don't look at or talk to anybody else. And I'm sure she's hot and as great a lay as a girl who hasn't left home can be. But your priority is first and foremost your daughter. Regardless of what her father says, your girlfriend is not your wife, even if you ARE living in her parent's house. That pushes your daughter up in the scheme of things, even in their world.

Let me assure you, I don't have any children and I dated a couple of guys with kids when I was young and single. Never did I imagine that visitation was a ploy to hook up with an ex. That's petty, immature and controlling.

Cut her loose and let her grow up with someone her own age before you lose your daughter and your parents and send yourself to an early grave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leah L

Do you really need to hear that your daughter came first, that she should come first?

Your gf is immature and selfish. The first may change, the second may not. 

My friend hooked up with this beautiful young woman, and married her. This woman did similar things when it came to his 2 young children. The comments she would make about his kids was appalling. He married her...a couple of years later he had succumbed to her complaints, had barely spent time with his kids and that's when she had an affair and took him to the cleaners financially and emotionally.

I felt bad his pain but he really blew it, the writing was on the wall from the beginning. 

Move on.


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## TemperToo

W.O.W. 

Just kick out the immature 23 year old brat and find you a nice 28ish+ gal that will love you AND your daughter..... 

I took on my husband's 2 kids when we got married, and it was full time. I admit that I had some adjustment issues with that (I was 20, they were 2 and 4) BUT they are MY kids now (legally adopted) and I can't imagine my life without them. Age doesn't necessarily have to dictate maturity, but your GF sounds like she's stuck in middle school....and towards your 5 YO daughter? Sheesh.....


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## jenhstn1

Your daughter should come first always.. If your GF has a problem with you having a daughter then she shouldn't be dating someone with a child.. You need to have serious talk with her, because this can affect your daughter negatively in the future..


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## golfergirl

TemperToo said:


> W.O.W.
> 
> Just kick out the immature 23 year old brat and find you a nice 28ish+ gal that will love you AND your daughter.....
> 
> I took on my husband's 2 kids when we got married, and it was full time. I admit that I had some adjustment issues with that (I was 20, they were 2 and 4) BUT they are MY kids now (legally adopted) and I can't imagine my life without them. Age doesn't necessarily have to dictate maturity, but your GF sounds like she's stuck in middle school....and towards your 5 YO daughter? Sheesh.....


Very impressed! And OP end it - it won't get better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

V why not try a trail separation. Maybe a taste of life with out you will make her think twice. She may also decide that she wants to leave the relationship, when she has time to think. 

It is not manipulative, it can be seen as a wake-up call. If she wants back, you need to establish conditions or her return and adhere to them. 

She is really young and she has been in a relationship with you since she was 20 yr. Her reaction to your daughter, although very dysfunctional, may be a reaction to being tied down with an instant family at such a young age. She does not seem to be ready.

I think if you marry who you will be miserable. I know you love her, but it may not be enough. 

You are right, your child and her well being is your primary concern. If your gf stays in your life will your child be safe from verbal abuse? If not then the two can not coexist and you have to leave one of them.


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## typewittyusernamehere

venezian12 said:


> My daughter has started to pick up on how my gf feels toward her and has told me in private that she doesnt like my gf very much..


 This is what you should feel guilty about, not spending time with your daughter. What is the matter with you?? How can you love someone that doesn't like your daughter, calls her names, and makes your daughter feel like this at the age of five. Your daughter should be worried about the butterfly she is trying to catch at the park, not your [email protected] bag Girlfriend's animosity towards your five year old. *smh*


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## MandyLou

Get rid of the GF. You can find another one that is actually an adult with a proper sense of how to treat children. It takes a real coward to bully a 5 year old.


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## Syrum

I feel very sorry for your daughter, she is only a small child and cannot defend her self, that is your job. 

I don't like your girlfriend and I don't even know her. I can't stand people who are mean to children.


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## Runs like Dog

She beats on 5 year olds? Wow. You'd better fix that or your daughter is in for a lifetime of pain.


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## grayhound

Your story really resonated with me... I went through a similar experience.... perhaps I can give you the perspective of your five year old daughter.

My dad was 24 when I was born. Two-three years later, he left my Mom and one year later, he met my stepmother.

So, to recap... I was 4, my dad was 29 and his girlfriend was 19.

My dad had a little house across the street from his parents (so they could babysit), and a bedroom for me. The bedroom set was gorgeous... a canopy bed and everything. I felt like daddy's little princess. He never missed a weekend.

In the beginning, my dad's girlfriend sat on the floor and painted my toenails, took me out for ice cream and doted on me.

My dad thought this lady was awesome. She was sexy, flirtatious, gave him tons of attention and made him feel special and young AND she liked his daughter. Win win.

As my dad wouldn't commit to her, she started letting her true colors show. She yelled a lot. I didn't come over on weekends as much. He had more excuses to why he couldn't see me. The real reason was that I, a five year old little girl, stressed her out and she started to "not like that little brat". All I remember at that time was thinking she was beautiful, but I could sense some tension.

My dad was going to break it off with her and was actually going to reconcile with my mother. They were going to try, anyway. Somehow, someway... my dad's girlfriend got pregnant and my dad ended up ditching my mom and marrying the girlfriend.

After the baby came, my cute little room was turned into a boy's room and my pretty little furniture was thrown out. When I'd go to visit, I slept on the couch. The tooth fairy even brought me my first dollar on that scratchy couch. They then moved 30 min away from my dad's parents, and in turn... one hour away from where I lived. Of course this made it more "difficult" to come pick me up.

Every other weekend turned into once a month, that turned into once every 2-3 months. I was 6 years old. Confused. Didn't know why daddy didn't love me anymore and didn't want to see me anymore. My stepmother wriggled her way in and slowly put a wedge between my father and I. It wasn't overnight, but she wore him down.

My dad would try to sneak away from her in the beginning, to come see me... but she got him a pager and then they were the first one in the world to have a cell phone. She did NOT want him near me, and especially didn't want him near my mother. I can only imagine what his life was like. I feel pretty bad for him. My stepmother even took my mother to court 3 times to get the child support lowered. We were already getting less than $200 a month (which was totally unfair), but my stepmother fought and fought to lower it. Meanwhile, they lived in a huge house and had several vehicles and a boat.

So as I turned 7, I was the most stressed out 7 year old. I rocked back and forth all the time, I bit my nails, I had major stomach issues. I didn't know why, I didn't know what was wrong with me... but, I knew that every time I came home from my daddy's house, I'd cry and cry and cry. My stepmother would make fun of my mother, say nasty things about her, pick fights with my dad regarding anything to do with me, accuse me of stealing her jewelry... all in front of me. My dad didn't protect me from her. 

The next 10 years... I didn't seem my dad much at all. They brought me around when there was major family functions, to show "see, we see her regularly!", but I really didn't see them that often. They went on to have 3 more kids, four boys total. My stepmother desperately wanted a girl, so perhaps I had the last laugh.

I was a promiscuous, self-hating, angry teenager. I didn't trust men, but desperately sought out their attention and latched onto male teachers and the fathers of my friends. I've been in and out of counseling and I think I'm just now getting a hold of my issues. My biggest issue was this... when I'd see a picture of my dad holding me as a baby, I'd burst into tears, and I still do. I have to hide those pictures. After she came around, he stopped holding me and became more aloof. I can remember all the way back to when I was 4 and when it changed. He used to be affectionate, loving and made me feel safe... after she came around.... aloof. It breaks my heart.

Today, I'm in my 30's and I don't speak to my father. A few years ago I finally, for the first time in my life, confronted my father and stepmother about them not being around. I carefully chose my words and asked them "what is your side of the story?"

My father couldn't talk to me alone, my stepmother came into the room and put it on speaker phone. So, he was guarded and all he could say was "I was just a horny young man, but I did love your mother very much and it was very very hard to get over her". My stepmother, however, laid into me. 

"Do YOU know what it's like to be nineteen and dating a man with a CHILD? It's TERRIBLE! I tell everyone I know never ever ever get involved with a man with a child because it will ruin your life!"

She went on and on for four hours. Crying and shrieking and pointing the blame at everyone but herself... it was all about her and what she had to go through. I was able to say a few sentences about feeling neglected, abandoned and how hurt I was. She didn't care.

I have talked to my dad on the phone ONCE since 2008. And he was a jerk to me. I think he's pushing me away on purpose. He'd rather keep the peace at home and not listen to that shrew complain for a week, than soothe his daughter. I am crushed. But, at least I have closure. This woman RUINED my father and I's relationship. Completely ruined it... and he let this happen because he's a coward and picked the most insecure woman in the world who makes his life miserable. But in the beginning, it was all hot sex and passion.

The bottom line is this... and I really hope you listen... This woman will only get WORSE. Especially since she has her father and GOD to back her up. You should NOT marry her (unless you love drama?). Sure, she doesn't like your kid now, but she will push you and push you away from anything and everyone you love until you are so under her thumb that you won't be able to breathe. Are the laughs and sex good enough to forfeit everything else in your life? She may be fun now... and you have a great time 99% of the time, but if she is acting out on such important, critical issues already.... the not-so-critical issues will surely ooze in. Please take my story as a warning call.

Get a mature woman who will love your daughter. There is compromise in a marriage and yes, perhaps your wife should come before your kids on SOME occasions, but the way this woman is yelling and whining about it... something isn't right. Maybe the timing isn't right, but I definitely sense the woman isn't right.

Can you imagine if you have more kids? Co-parenting with this woman? Ugh. 

You want a woman who will treat your child as if she were her OWN.

My final advice... be alone for a while. Your daughter has 3 more years of critical brain/maturity growth. She needs you. Do what you can to be there for her and focus on her. You have plenty of time to meet someone.

DM me if you want to hear more or want more details... I've got 'em. 

Good luck... I feel for you!
(sorry that was so long!!)


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## johnboy63

I cant even comprehend how this became a question. Your daughter comes first! Kick that b*tch to the curb and find a woman who appreciates the both of you. I don't care how good or freaky she may be in bed, she isn't worth losing your daughter's trust over. Daughter's look up to daddy for strength, support, protection! Be that for her and get rid of that b*tch!


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## adadfirst45

I am in about the same boat as you. I drove every other weekend 7 hours round trip for 8 years. She moved in with me when she was 11 full time ( she is 17 now ) and only see's her bio mom once or twice a year. She is with me 24/7. I have a few post out there " my wife hates my teenage daughter" ....I am also going through a tough time. I am married though. My wife also preaches to me that the spouse is first. I have come to the realization, that this statement is crap. There are to many different ways of looking at this. Does your gf really think that she can be hateful and negative and deserve to be first in anyones life? . I am 100% the only thing stable that my daughter has in this world. If a spouse/gf cant treat a person, let alone your daughter, without negativity and hate, then she is not worth being placed in front of anybody for anything, especially a relationship and a motherly role. The bad thing is,it doenst even sound like she knows she is doing it. It sounds like it is only going to get worse. Unless she lightens up a little, your whole family will not have much respect for her. My wife does get along with my family, just cant stand my daughter. Your only 32. Make a stand and see where your relationship is. Tell her that your daughter means everything to you and always will and see what happens. Once she realizes that, she may leave you ( which means she never loved you anyways ) or she may gradually start to except the fact that you are a good dad and care. You should take it as a compliment that you are compassionate about your kid. Not every man or woman is. I did make a stand. We are getting ready to go to counseling. I hope we can work this out, along with you and your problem.


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## SadieBrown

venezian12 said:


> Im 32, divorced and live in NY. My daughter from my marriage lives with her mother in NJ (a 2 hour drive one way) I am currently dating a young woman who is only 23, and we have been dating for 2 years now. I could definitely see myself being with her in a union of marriage, however she has very strong views and is very opinionate about my past life and child. So she doesn't have a past? Well actually if she was only 21 when the two of you started dating then she probably doesn't have much of one. But really at you age did she not expect to have ever been with another woman? Really? That is very immature and unreasonable on her part. My daughter is only five and my gf constantly puts her down and calls her names like godzilla because at five years old she is already 4'1" and 45 lbs (im 6'2 and her mom was 6' tall) a 23 year old is calling a child names? And you are still with this woman why???? But the problem is that the distance between only allows me to see my daughter every other weekend, which i have never missed one, and i drive out to her house the 2 hours once a week, read her a story put her to bed, and then turn right back around. That equivilates to 4 days every other weekend, and 4 weekdays...and most of that time is spent commuting. My girlfriend tells me that I should be putting her first and not my kid,Nope, sorry but kids come first. and that is a battle that she will never win, but i constantly feel like Im going overboard to atleast make her feel like she is.Why? why would you want her to feel she is winning this battle? What good can possibly come of that? Im afraid to even talk about my kid, because all my gf does is put her down! My gf has a tendency to be very controlling...tells me that my attempt to co-parent with my daugthers mother is really just an attempt to get back with my ex, Your girlfriend seems to be very immature and insecure. Not marriage materialand im holding onto the past. My girlfriend has told me that even my child is my past and that I should forget about her. What a loser, and again I ask why are you with this woman? It has continuously gotten worse and worse as the arguements happen every few weeks. The kicker is that after my divorce I moved back into an apartment at my parents house, where I have a maintained bedroom for my daughter, and im fortunate enough to have my mother around if I ever need a babysitter. The problem there is that my gf hates my mother too, Wow, your girlfriend sounds like a real delight.and will not step foot in my house, so I am constantly running back and forth on weekends, when all i want is to have them both in the same room at the same time. This all has created a rift between my family and myself, and I feel like my daughter is getting to the age where she will start to see my running ragged. Nobody seems to care, especially my gf about the constant pushing and pulling that this tension has created in all aspects of my life, and it was never really a problem until one huge fight we had about a year ago. It would appear your girlfriends doesn't care about anyone but herself
> She makes me feel guilty for hanging out with my kid, and she preaches religious beliefs about how a relationship should be. Oh so she is religious is she?? Funny she isn't acting like it. Doesn't she know Jesus loves children? Maybe you should quote the verse to her about "And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea." Nuff said She was raised born-again, but doesnt practice at all...she drinks, has sex, doesnt read the bible daily, ect...and her own father is a preacher for retired police officers in an organization called Badges of Faith. In speaking with her father, the belief is that in a relationship, god comes first, then your spouse, and then your children...because in the end, your spouse will be there for you when your children grow. I respect his beliefs that he raised his children with, but he only converted to born again, after an accident causing his early retirement from the police department at age 31...and Ive heard stories about his life prior to the change of partying and fornication, ect.
> At this point, I dont know what to do...I believe in not casting stones when you live in a glass house...but is this practice common among women who do not have children? Every person that I talk to tells me that "its because she is young" and that she is wrong. She is not THAt young. A 23 year old should know better than to call a child names. I am a step mother myself, I got my stepkids when they were young teenagers, so I had to bit my tongue ALOT. But I did bite my tongue. But then I am not the kind of person to call other people names. Really I don't understand peoplethat think that is okay. And I really don't understand people who would do that to a child
> 
> Ive tried my hardest to respect her families beliefs by compromising myself, and and learning as much as I could about it, but every time that I am with my daughter, Im being scolded for not being with her where she lives (her mothers house, on a couch) I have also slept every night on the same couch without recliners and or a pull out bed for the last 9 months. I want more out of my life and more for my child. i have tried to discuss the option of getting an 2 bedroom apartment, one room for us, and one for my daughter...and I get told that my daughter will not be welcome in our apartment. Okay the woman has flat out told you your child will not be welcome in your apartment. So for the third time I ask _*why are still with this woman???*_
> I know the right thing to do would be to walk away..Yes, it would .but 22-24 other days of the month things between us are great! When these fights happen they last weeks at a time. So what does 'things between us are great' mean? What does this woman do for you the other 22 to 24 days of the month that makes you put up with her treatment of your child and mother? Is the sex that good? I really can't think what a man could do for me that would make me excuse them being rude and hateful to my child and mother. What ever it is that she does for you I bet that you could find a more mature woman that could do the same thing and be kind to your child and mother.
> 
> Please give any feedback, im also opened to any constructive criticisms. My daughter is very important to me and I work very hard to keep a strong bond between us both, but is there really any way to do that AND make a relationship like this work??? No, there is no way to keep a strong bond with your daughter if you continue to be with this woman. You might get by with it for a couple of years, but the older your daughter gets the more she is going to question why you are with this woman who hates her. It will take a toll on your relationship with your daughter. Staying close to your kids after a divorce is hard enough without having this awful woman making things even harder.
> 
> Please help


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## SadieBrown

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You are 32 and this 23 year old is causing this much stress and tension in you. Imagine what kind of trauma she is creating for your 5 year old daughter?
> Your girlfriend sounds like a sociopath. Run like hell, my friend and for _*God's sake do not have unproctected sex with her, YOUR protection*_.
> 
> Was this young woman the other woman?


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::

Better stock up on those condoms, don't trust her to be responsible! Better yet don't have sex with her at all - that is the only way to be 100 percent sure she won't get pregnant. I can't imagine what would happen to your relationship with the child you already have if you had another child with this awful woman.


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## Almostrecovered

It sounds like you'll have more problems than just her not liking your child

you mention that she is controlling
you mention that you disagree on religion
you mention that she is a hypocrite in regards to her religion and hides her partying behind a false veil of being pious
you mention that her family isn't your cup of tea either

add the fact that she will openly call your precious 5 year old girl Godzilla

I say you really need to re-examine if this is the right person for you or else you may be headed for divorce number 2 in 7 years


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## Soccerfan73

You can always find another girlfriend. Your daughter should be first.


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## the gifted

If your daughter was hate your girlfriend your daughter had to get used to your new life but when your girlfriend hate your daughter you have to get used to your new life?


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## tacoma

venezian12 said:


> I am currently dating a young woman who is only 23, and we have been dating for 2 years now. I could definitely see myself being with her in a union of marriage, ...


How can you even consider a relationship let alone a marriage with this girl?

She would have been kicked to the curb the first time she insulted my kid.

Unreal.


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## nnoodle

Drop the girlfriend immediately. No doubt about it.


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## rikithemonk

Wow, just wow.

I don't know what to say. How could you continue to date a woman with THIS MANY red flags. These are signs of CRAZY and personally I would have left her quite a while ago.

All I can say is that she must be an absolute rock star in bed for you to put up with that.

Be honest with yourself. You know with absolutely no doubt in your mind that there is no future in this relationship. All your doing is delaying your search for the right woman.


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## the gifted

In other words if your daughter has no choice but to accept your relationship is due to the existence of non-existence relationship in the first place may not be her choice, not the opposite?


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## janesmith

Dont think your daughter is not watching you allow her to be emotionally abused. You are her DADDY. This first man in her life who shows her how a man treats those he is bound to love and care for. You are her very first example of manhood. She will most likely look for traits she knows and is familiar with when looking for a mate. And wouldnt it be horrible for her child should she choose a man like "daddy"

Its like hiring a body guard who protects you. then one day you are walking down the street with him and he lets a stranger kick ur azz. Thing about how confusing THAT would be.


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## TwoDogs

Wow. Read grayhound's post over and over again, because it's a crystal ball into your daughter's future.

Your girlfriend is a self-centered, demanding young woman. She's not likely to magically improve with time -- I suspect she will only get worse.

This situation is already taking an emotional toll on you.

You can't change your girlfriend's sh*tty attitude, you can only change yourself. Losing the girlfriend is the first step.


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## Rosco

Dumb your girlfriend.


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## venezian12

ok so who wants the update...the good news...we broke up last february/march when all of this happened. And it took quite a while for me to get over the scenario. But it was for the better, my daughter and I get along better than ever, spend as much time as i can with her, and i only hope that the foundation we have will last a lifetime. I had not seen or spoken to this woman for almost a year....the bad news....until last month. I ran into her at an award ceremony...and we started talking again...even wound up hanging out all the time. All the time thinking that maybe a year off, did us some good. We were doing things that we had never done before, vacations, ect...and then, slowly but surely...everything that had happened in the past, started to creep back into the picture...I put up with it for a lil bit, then decided that even with the break, and both of us being another year older (and NO i have not exposed my daughter to her, as far as anyone is concerned, including our friends... nobody even knew we were hanging out again.) The second I asked her, what she was looking for from me, and what was coming from all of this? I opened pandoras box...and im glad i did, because her and I will never be together, and now she is back to the old her...if you are wondering if i care about this woman...the answer is YES, very much so, i did all along...BUT i care about my daughter also, and thats never going to change. I just cant see making someone a priority when im only an option in theirs! -so I say "f*ck it" and do what you gotta do to protect your kids, adults should know better. She asked me to choose again...and i said, "how lowly do you feel about yourself, that you would ask me to be a deadbeat, and a bad father to my kid, but you want me to father YOUR kids? Im a good man, I wont be a deadbeat to any child of mine, present or future! The fact that you would be with a guy who is a deadbeat, actually scares me and says a whole lot about who you are as a woman! I feel sorry for her!" So just so this is all clear to everyone...NO, i am not back together with her, nor will i ever be. This was just as shocking to me as it probably is to you, that our lives crossed paths again. And it solidified what happened a year ago. I love my kid, too much to not be there for her.


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