# Freudian slip/bad joke, thoughts?



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Been struggling with improving trust and letting things go rather than over think. Going to get prescription for anti anxiety/levels checked today. 

Last night dh texted me and asked me to go out with his coworkers, which I did . We were having a very nice time. A coworker mentioned knowing many people at another company, exact words were " I know someone in each department". Very innocent comment.

Guy coworker spins off this and said "hey you're just like "Dan" (not my husband's name). Dan knows people in each department at work because Dan gets around. " All the guys thought that was a riot. Dh turns red and says nothing. Ok. I sit there and let it slide thinking it's a stupid thing to say.

Bit later in the conversation I made a comment that a lot of the wives of these guys were teachers (I'm in a schooL) It's loud in the place and dh looks at me and says "don't say that" but nothing more.

So we go home, night was fine, people were nice and I felt we were at a good place. 

I did say "why did you tell me not to mention the wives being teachers? 
He says " you said most of the people here are cheaters". I assured him that 's not at all what I said. I know for a fact I said teachers.

So I let it go but wonder today: why would a coworker talk about dh getting around and dh assume I said "cheaters" which would not be something I would say in a public place.

My brain tells me it was coincidence, my gut is nudging me that comment was pointed and my husband heard me say something he was listening for. Or I'm just nuts. The latter would be better in this case.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Its loud in the place and I can see where the word teachers can sound like cheaters.... It sounds like a misunderstanding.

As far as him getting around, that sounds like he is important in his job and communicates with people in different departments.

Also, to make you feel more at ease. If he was running around with anyone at work, he would never invite you out with his coworkers. I mean unless he is the type of person who needs detailed instructions on how to use a roll of Charmin, that would be the last thing a cheater would ever do.


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’m getting suspicious now. That’s weird he misheard “cheaters” for teachers- or you misspoke? Do you ever slip up your words like that? Were “cheaters” even a topic of conversation?

Sounds like hubby is guilty of goofing off and socializing_ a lot_ at work.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

It could be he didn’t want you to misread what was said. Maybe his friend thinks he’s the social butterfly that spends a chunk of the day slacking by chitchatting around the office.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I think he genuinely just misheard you. Not to mention, if your husband has even a hint of how paranoid you are, as apparent in your posts, it may have made more sense to him to hear "cheater" vs "teacher".


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

No, the conversation was me saying that it's common for people in the one field to have spouses in the other. There was cross talk,so maybe he didn't listen carefully. 

I didn't record myself but I'm very confident i said "it's common for this job to marry teachers".

Also, dh is in meetings all day. 4-6 different meetings per day. So that could be getting around? But they are management level meetings. Not many people in the building due to covid, like 20% of the regular staff.

Yes, it would be odd for a person to out someone, or ask me to go. That's why I thought the comment was really odd. Wouldn't you say "knows " a lot of people or something? Gets around has a clear connontation. Husband thought the guy was just talking stupid.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

snowbum said:


> No, the conversation was me saying that it's common for people in the one field to have spouses in the other. There was cross talk,so maybe he didn't listen carefully.
> 
> I didn't record myself but I'm very confident i said "it's common for this job to marry teachers".
> 
> ...


He was just talking stupid. Do you really think if it meant your husband was doing something inappropriate they would have just put it out there in front of his wife? Not likely. I think it was probably just guys ribbing each other.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> No, the conversation was me saying that it's common for people in the one field to have spouses in the other. There was cross talk,so maybe he didn't listen carefully.
> 
> I didn't record myself but I'm very confident i said "it's common for this job to marry teachers".
> 
> ...


This is just your mind setting off an alarm over something that isn't a threat at all. 

I can totally believe that he thought you said "cheaters", like you said, there was cross-talk. Plus, and this cannot be underestimated, he knows YOU and the issues you have with him. He might have asked you to come with him just to avoid triggering your fears, as a way to protect you and make you feel safe.

So he might have jumped to conclusions about what you were saying instead of being relaxed and listening carefully. 

I don't see any red flags here.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

snowbum said:


> Been struggling with improving trust and letting things go rather than over think. Going to get prescription for anti anxiety/levels checked today.
> 
> Last night dh texted me and asked me to go out with his coworkers, which I did . We were having a very nice time. A coworker mentioned knowing many people at another company, exact words were " I know someone in each department". Very innocent comment.
> 
> ...


Don't worry - you are just nuts!!! Lol!

In your case, getting on some anti-anxiety medication might be a good temporary fix for you until you are able to figure out some coping strategies for when you feel anxious and insecure. Right now, it seems like you see blinding danger everywhere, and the medicine might act like a type of "sunglasses" to dim the sharpness of that light.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

The problem is anything your husband says or does is going to look suspicious to you. 
Even if it's an innocent slip. 

Is your husband aware of how anxious and insecure you feel?


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think he genuinely just misheard you. Not to mention, if your husband has even a hint of how paranoid you are, as apparent in your posts, it may have made more sense to him to hear "cheater" vs "teacher".


100% agreement with this. Except I do think there is a good chance the OP slipped and said cheaters.


----------



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Its loud in the place and I can see where the word teachers can sound like cheaters.... It sounds like a misunderstanding.
> 
> As far as him getting around, that sounds like he is important in his job and communicates with people in different departments.
> 
> Also, to make you feel more at ease. If he was running around with anyone at work, he would never invite you out with his coworkers. I mean unless he is the type of person who needs detailed instructions on how to use a roll of Charmin, that would be the last thing a cheater would ever do.


That is not entirely true unfortunately. My stbxh is involved with a married female colleague, and he could not wait for us to all hang out together. I even babysat her kids all summer.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I know I did not say "cheater". I was speaking about jobs in education and did not say cheater.

I did see my primary care dr. who is suspecting thryoid issues since my mood changed so quickly and I've lost 15 pounds in 12 weeks. I also have signs of hyperthryoidism. I'm actually praying for a bad thyroid because my mood is x10 worse than any time in my life and it happened overnight. 

I am also now taking an antianxiety med, seeing GYN for hormone issues, and therapist. 

I get that I'm insecure at this time. I see it. I admit it. I don't get the piling on. I am not happy that I am doing any of this and I DON"T like that I am doing it.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> Been struggling with improving trust and letting things go rather than over think. Going to get prescription for anti anxiety/levels checked today.
> 
> Last night dh texted me and asked me to go out with his coworkers, which I did . We were having a very nice time. A coworker mentioned knowing many people at another company, exact words were " I know someone in each department". Very innocent comment.
> 
> ...


That's no coincidence. That's what was on his mind. Obviously the person they were talking about was being regarded as a guy who gets around as you say. So that's where his head was at. Since you already clarified you said teachers, unless you think someone was referring to your husband, I see no reason to further the conversation.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

It's great you are taking steps to figure out what's going on. 

It's going to take time. The changes won't happen overnight. Be patient. Do things to occupy your mind, distract yourself, otherwise your recurring thoughts can become an obsession and that's not helpful. 

Go out with people, talk to people. Stop questioning everything in your mind. Take it one day at a time.


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

So hubby is skipping confession, described by coworkers as “gets around”, and lazy/aloof about sex…. my spidey-sense would be tingling too.

Be aggressive about your thyroid issues but I sure wouldn’t go rushing into anxiety meds just because TAM users are pushing it. God bless.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

"Dan " is my what I called my husband. They did essentially said my husband is known to get around.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Perhaps your husband has low moral values and is a cheap trollop being passed around the office? Seems unlikely given some of your other posts.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Have you ever read up on paranoid personality disorder? I suggest you do.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

syhoybenden said:


> Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.


Lmao


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

snowbum said:


> I know I did not say "cheater". I was speaking about jobs in education and did not say cheater.
> 
> I did see my primary care dr. who is suspecting thryoid issues since my mood changed so quickly and I've lost 15 pounds in 12 weeks. I also have signs of hyperthryoidism. I'm actually praying for a bad thyroid because my mood is x10 worse than any time in my life and it happened overnight.
> 
> ...


It really sounds like you struggle with anxiety and extreme insecurities. I would highly suggest to continue seeking medical treatment and see a counselor.... I am afraid this level of anxiety and insecurity is going to tear your marriage apart.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

That guy at work who made that comment could be a back biter who secretly doesn't even like your husband very well and thought it would be funny to get dangerously close to the truth. 

Because you have known anxiety problems and are working on them, I would just say chill out until you get those under control. If one anxiety med isn't working on you then just always keep the psychiatrist or psychologist informed so they can adjust the dose or the medicine. But if I were you I think I would just not take anything too seriously right now until you get that sorted. I don't think you're imagining that your husband may be up to something sometimes since it's not exactly a rare occurrence. But no sense driving yourself crazy until you know for sure you're thinking clearly.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That guy at work who made that comment could be a back biter who secretly doesn't even like your husband very well and thought it would be funny to get dangerously close to the truth.


I can see this happening very easily. Also, it could be his way of giving her a heads up.

And, why did her husband turn red and say nothing. Something's afoot.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

To answer some questions: I don't know why my husband didn't say anything. Couple possibilities are obvious one being it could have been a rip and off base, why answer it and keep the comments going. Another is that I was reading into it and they guy was ribbing my husband for being promoted and hobnobbing rather than sitting at a desk all day like he had for years. third is he's a cheat.

My dh spoke with my daughter ( who's not minor, had her own issue with anxiety and is doing great). She told me this 1:1 and said she knows it's my anxiety because she's been there herself. She said my dh talked to her and shared the love and concern he has for me, she "knew" he was genuine. With my anxiety, even I don't believe my husband would lie to my daughter.

I'm trying to remain logical and reasonable. Clear headed I admit I read into thinks and make them fit. I have issues with insecurity, but I do feel I crossed the line to crazy town with this. I'm still going to consider blatant things if they are there. But I'm also going to try very hard to let it go.


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> I can see this happening very easily. Also, it could be his way of giving her a heads up.
> 
> And, why did her husband turn red and say nothing. Something's afoot.


I don't know. When I was at my old job, one of bosses joked about me and some dude who worked in another department who I had worked with for a day, and said to me "Oh you and so and so like each other." I blushed because it made me extremely uncomfortable. There was no validity in it. Boss then said "Oh so and so blushed too when I said that to him." I muttered "perhaps that's because you made him uncomfortable too." Could be similar? Inappropriate comment that is off base but makes you super uncomfortable because it's inappropriate/over the line/unprofessional? I could see that happening.


----------

