# Update Part 2



## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Hello,

I have gone to counseling for the last month and my wife and I have decided it is not for us. We have been intimate a little more frequently lately but I am still struggling.

1) We always do the same thing when we are intimate and she says she would be open to new things but then we never actually do anything different. Is there something wrong with us?

2) Would a woman be insulted if a man suggested this go lingerie shopping if she has already told you she is self conscious of her body? Like would you take it as the man not liking your body?

3) Were you ever stuck in a lull in the bedroom? How did you get out?

thanks once again.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Might I suggest make it a once a week game....there are several book or cards you can purchase that you can put those ideas/suggestions in a box and once a week or however you want, you take turns doing what the idea says..over time some ideas you will do more often, while others not so much.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

1) It sounds like you’re asking rather than telling. What are you bringing to the table? What kind of “new things” do you want to do? Are you sharing your desires with her and she rejects them?

3) Yes and no. There have been particular acts I have wanted to experience with my wife. I told her about my desires and we eventually did them. With that said it’s tricky and even after over 20 years married I still do not have her fully figured out.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> 1) It sounds like you’re asking rather than telling. What are you bringing to the table? What kind of “new things” do you want to do? Are you sharing your desires with her and she rejects them?
> 
> 3) Yes and no. There have been particular acts I have wanted to experience with my wife. I told her about my desires and we eventually did them. With that said it’s tricky and even after over 20 years married I still do not have her fully figured out.


1) I have told her. They mainly are just working on being intimate with some lights on and working on her being comfortable having her bottom half uncovered at least and trying a new position or two. I never want to do anything to make her uncomfortable because I know I wouldn’t enjoy someone asking me to do something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

I was raised in a very catholic household so I feel lost at times in these areas.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Just move to a new position. Is she going to stop you? Do you already do multiple positions, like doggy, WOT, etc? Sometimes the other person wants to be lead without talking about it first. Just do it, respectfully of course. Catholics have fun, too.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CN2622 said:


> I never want to do anything to make her uncomfortable because I know I wouldn’t enjoy someone asking me to do something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing.


What level of discomfort are we talking about here? I would argue that you are taking this to an extreme in that if it makes her uncomfortable to be on top/bottom then you will avoid it indefinitely to help keep her comfortable. 

Conflict avoidance and deciding therapy is not for you seems like those things correlate and have an obvious causation relationship as well. Something to think about. 









The Challenge of Conflict Avoidance in Relationships | Marriage.com


The best relationship advice and tips for your marriage. Answers to all your questions about being in a relationship. Tips for improving your relationship and information about relationship counseling. Marriage.com is the #1 source for marriage information and advice.




www.marriage.com




.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

CN2622 said:


> 2) *Would a woman be insulted if a man suggested this go lingerie shopping if she has already told you she is self conscious of her body? Like would you take it as the man not liking your body?*
> 
> 3) Were you ever stuck in a lull in the bedroom? How did you get out?
> 
> thanks once again.


that happened to me.
i was turned on by my wife, even though she had an older body and not the thinnest body.
So to spice things up, i thought that getting her to wear sexier stuff in the bedroom would both turn me on, AND convince her that i truly liked her body.

well, that was not what she thought. she accused me of not liking her body at all, etc. accused me of touching her too much, groping her, and on and on.

it took a good maybe year and a half for her to realize i wanted all that to turn us both on. so....eventually it worked, and the sex went way up. i would say, do not give up, you are in it for the long haul.

One thing i did figure out is NEVER buy her lingerie. make sure she is there to try it on. a lot of lingerie simply does not fit, even if the published "size" should work. make sure she tries it on and is happy with the fit.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Again, it's SHE who needs to go to counseling. Not being able to be naked/have sex with your husband without clothes on is a significant issue.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

CN2622 said:


> I was raised in a very catholic household so I feel lost at times in these areas.


I was raised in a Catholic household too (I'm still Catholic) - it isn't Catholicism.

In the absent of forward movement, it's necessary for one party to give it a push. You might start slow with a slight variance on your preferred position. Do you go down on her? Do you talk a little dirty? I would picture something you want to try and see if there are ways to break that down into smaller steps. There is a certain vulnerability with trying new things in the bedroom (what will she think, how will she react) If that's you're dilemma, break it into smaller chunks

Move forward man...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

The dilemma is she won't even get naked during sex.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Livvie said:


> The dilemma is she won't even get naked during sex.


Ah, I didn't get that from the OP. Still, I'd suggest some ways to break that up to achieve an end. I agree though, she needs some counseling...


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Livvie said:


> The dilemma is she won't even get naked during sex.


We have gotten partially past this hang up. But I am still just struggling with the three questions above.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> I know I wouldn’t enjoy someone asking me to do something I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing.


Trying to unpack this.

I think you’re worrying too much about how your wife will react. Just tell her to do what you want. If she doesn’t want to do it she can say no.

If it’s really important to you then you can explain later when you’re not in a sexual situation why it is so important to you that she do this and would she please try it.

To be honest with counseling/therapy it sounds like you have done quite a lot of talking already but it seems like you’re timid and worrying about her reaction the entire time. 

If you want her to get naked and wear a plastic Harlem Shake-era horse head and smack you with a riding crop then just tell her. If you can’t be vulnerable and try and act out your fantasies with your wife who can you do it with?

Just writing the above I’m thinking I am going to take my own advice tonight except for me it is a plastic unicorn head instead of horse.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> One thing i did figure out is NEVER buy her lingerie. make sure she is there to try it on. a lot of lingerie simply does not fit, even if the published "size" should work. make sure she tries it on and is happy with the fit.


Remember that size 8 is labeled as size 6.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I have gone to counseling for the last month and my wife and I have decided it is not for us. We have been intimate a little more frequently lately but I am still struggling.
> 
> ...


A lot of women would balk at some of the lingerie a man might pick out, like g strings, but most would be comfortable in a pignoir set, like a spaghetti strap short sheath or babydoll underneath with a thin matching robe to complete the set. Women know what will work on them and what won't, and you cannot impose your view to the contrary without them understanding that you've been viewing mostly naked ladies in that type of underwear somewhere and wished she looked like them, which she never will, nor will she ACT like them. 

If she's not a scant size 10 or below, Victoria's Secret isn't going to fit her. That leaves online shopping, and she is probably who knows best where to find something like that in her size, but she probably already would have if she was comfortable with it. 

Do you know what size she is? If so, some of us might guide you to some online place where you could get her a gift certificate and see what she does with it.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

My wife is probably a size 14. Thanks everyone. This is more helpful than I thought it would be.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> A lot of women would balk at some of the lingerie a man might pick out, like g strings, but most would be comfortable in a pignoir set, like a spaghetti strap short sheath or babydoll underneath with a thin matching robe to complete the set. Women know what will work on them and what won't, and you cannot impose your view to the contrary without them understanding that you've been viewing mostly naked ladies in that type of underwear somewhere and wished she looked like them, which she never will, nor will she ACT like them.
> 
> If she's not a scant size 10 or below, Victoria's Secret isn't going to fit her. That leaves online shopping, and she is probably who knows best where to find something like that in her size, but she probably already would have if she was comfortable with it.
> 
> Do you know what size she is? If so, some of us might guide you to some online place where you could get her a gift certificate and see what she does with it.


My wife is a size 14


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> My wife is a size 14


I'll do some looking.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

CN2622 said:


> We have gotten partially past this hang up. But I am still just struggling with the three questions above.


What specifically occurred with counselling?

I think you’d potentially be leaping ahead if you try to encourage lingerie if having some lights on and not being naked with you is an issue for/with her. I guess alternatively she could pick items that still keep her covered - which may not support her being comfortable with you enough to be naked. I think I asked before but what is SHE doing to address her own sexual discomfort? Is it something she WANTS to address?

Given I am nothing like your wife, my personal view will be redundant to your situation. In saying that, my husband has selected lingerie for me before and not necessarily what I would choose (although still good taste) but I recognise that he views my body differently to how I perceive myself; in that, I might not think an item would be flattering to me but his reaction says otherwise. And to paint a balanced picture, I don’t wear lingerie that often. I’m also good with full lights / day-time and such without feeling self-conscious with him. Outside of us though, I can be pretty modest.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'll do some looking.


Thanks that is so kind of you. I have thought about trying one of those subscription boxes but I have no clue the quality of the lingerie.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Pay close attention to what @heartsbeating said. My wife is similar in that she’ll strut around completely naked with no worries. 

With that said, getting my wife to wear lingerie is like trying to break into Fort Knox.

Tonight if she doesn’t pass out from tiredness I’m going to attempt to get her to put on one of the pieces I got her earlier in the week where her comment was “looks pretty”. Will report back with results.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> What specifically occurred with counselling?
> 
> I think you’d potentially be leaping ahead if you try to encourage lingerie if having some lights on and not being naked with you is an issue for/with her. I guess alternatively she could pick items that still keep her covered - which may not support her being comfortable with you enough to be naked. I think I asked before but what is SHE doing to address her own sexual discomfort? Is it something she WANTS to address?
> 
> Given I am nothing like your wife, my personal view will be redundant to your situation. In saying that, my husband has selected lingerie for me before and not necessarily what I would choose (although still good taste) but I recognise that he views my body differently to how I perceive myself; in that, I might not think an item would be flattering to me but his reaction says otherwise. And to paint a balanced picture, I don’t wear lingerie that often. I’m also good with full lights / day-time and such without feeling self-conscious with him. Outside of us though, I can be pretty modest.


The counselor suggested watching porn together and that is not something either of us feel comfortable with or thought would be constructive. 

We recently got some battery operated candles to put in the bedroom when we are intimate and she has been more comfortable leaving her bottom half uncovered. She says she wants to work on our issues and feels bad that I feel I don’t satisfy her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Size 14 is the average size for women in the US, adult women. Sadly most department stores still don't carry size 14s and you have to go to specialty stores for 14 and up. 

I found a couple of different places online. One of them had some of the really scummy looking stuff as well as some decent looking stuff but I think we will avoid that one. 

Avenue.com is a plus size online only store now. I buy my jeans there. So they do have other kinds of clothes besides lingerie but they had a pretty diverse line of lingerie. Unfortunately they have such a big selection that it includes frumpy sleepwear as well. 

So I'm not sure how you approach your wife about this but I'm going to give you this link which zeros in on chemises, which is something she might be comfortable in. You could pick one out and just make it one of her birthday presents but not the whole present. That way it wouldn't be as conspicuous in case it falls flat. Just don't pick out the one with stockings and all that. Pick something that's sexy but not trashy. 






Plus Size Chemises|Avenue.com


Stay effortless in Avenue,com's selection of sweet plus size chemises. Mini length, patterned, flirty and floral, shop now for your very own romantic chemise!




www.avenue.com


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

CN2622 said:


> I was raised in a very catholic household so I feel lost at times in these areas.


 Oh sure brother, blame the church for you being lame in the sack. lol. 

Seriously, there is nothing sinful about making love to your wife- unless you're using birth control or something. In fact, the church recognizes that the second purpose of marriage is as a cure for concupiscence.

The counselor's suggestion of watching porn is a very bad idea- talk about demeaning the marital act- disgusting and immoral. So sad.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> The counselor's suggestion of watching porn is a very bad idea- talk about demeaning the marital act- disgusting and immoral. So sad.


I agree. 

You may not be aware but porn use is also highly addictive and cause a loss of interest in the bedroom as it acts as a substitute in many cases.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> Oh sure brother, blame the church for you being lame in the sack. lol.
> 
> Seriously, there is nothing sinful about making love to your wife- unless you're using birth control or something. In fact, the church recognizes that the second purpose of marriage is as a cure for concupiscence.
> 
> The counselor's suggestion of watching porn is a very bad idea- talk about demeaning the marital act- disgusting and immoral. So sad.


I wasn’t blaming I was just giving background. I know I am my own person.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I agree.
> 
> You may not be aware but porn use is also highly addictive and cause a loss of interest in the bedroom as it acts as a substitute in many cases.


This is my wife and I stopped going and did not even consider taking this advice.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

The best thing you can do is overly compliment your wife when she does wear lingerie. Your wife likely compares herself to retouched models and needs to know that isn’t what you need from her.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

CN2622 said:


> The counselor suggested watching porn together and that is not something either of us feel comfortable with or thought would be constructive.
> 
> We recently got some battery operated candles to put in the bedroom when we are intimate and she has been more comfortable leaving her bottom half uncovered. She says she wants to work on our issues and feels bad that I feel I don’t satisfy her.


What was the reasoning for the counsellor to suggest this?


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> What was the reasoning for the counsellor to suggest this?


She said she thought it might give us ideas of what we could try.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> Thanks that is so kind of you. I have thought about trying one of those subscription boxes but I have no clue the quality of the lingerie.


The quality of the lingerie at the link I'm sending you isn't that great either. But it's hard to find good quality lingerie if you're not a size 10 and under. When I was checking out the links for lingerie a whole lot of it was just boy shorts and bras, not really what I call lingerie. If she is a stickler for quality she very well may not like any of the lingerie she could get. So if she is someone who only buys kind of expensive clothing and talks about it being well made and stuff like that she probably is not going to like less expensive lingerie and probably couldn't find more expensive lingerie. You know the department stores carry clothes in her size but they won't have anything other than a basic underwear in her size and ordinary sleepwear.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Check out Savage X. They make all their stuff up to 3X. Probably lacking in taste compared to what @DownByTheRiver is suggesting but the quality is not bad, my wife says it’s good stuff and if you can score some of the men’s stuff it’s nice I wear it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You know it's a shame that you can't just go in a nice department store in find sophisticated but sexy lingerie in that size like you ought to be able to do. There was a time a few decades ago when everybody owned a sexy babydoll or chemise or pignoir set. It's just awkward because she needs to want to do it and if she wanted to do it she could go find something but apparently it's not on her mind so I think all he can do is give her a nudge in that direction.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You know it's a shame that you can't just go in a nice department store in find sophisticated but sexy lingerie in that size like you ought to be able to do. There was a time a few decades ago when everybody owned a sexy babydoll or chemise or pignoir set. It's just awkward because she needs to want to do it and if she wanted to do it she could go find something but apparently it's not on her mind so I think all he can do is give her a nudge in that direction.


Thank you to both of you. Maybe I can text her some links to this stuff. I just get intimidated.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

For chemise I will have to dig through my old emails and find the one I ordered for her in a failed attempt to get her to wear them to bed like she used to back in the day. Bought it from a Facebook or Instagram ad and wife said quality is amazing but it went into the “send it to the dry cleaners” pile where it remains to this day.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> For chemise I will have to dig through my old emails and find the one I ordered for her in a failed attempt to get her to wear them to bed like she used to back in the day. Bought it from a Facebook or Instagram ad and wife said quality is amazing but it went into the “send it to the dry cleaners” pile where it remains to this day.


I will check out the site you sent me.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why isn't the WIFE working on her own issues regarding working towards being unclothed for sex, and finding her own lingerie she would feel comfortable wearing?

I mean.... everytime I have ever been in a Victoria's Secret, it's full of women buying things for themselves.

She's not a child. She needs to start adulting.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Why isn't the WIFE working on her own issues regarding working towards being unclothed for sex, and finding her own lingerie she would feel comfortable wearing?
> 
> I mean.... everytime I have ever been in a Victoria's Secret, it's full of women buying things for themselves.
> 
> She's not a child. She needs to start adulting.


So I should tell her to get something for herself and push her to do it?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Maybe...... get something for her, and give it to her with a gift card tucked inside the box so that she can shop for herself too.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

CN2622 said:


> So I should tell her to get something for herself and push her to do it?


 ..
I think she needs to solve her naked issue by herself.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> So I should tell her to get something for herself and push her to do it?


I think that would just make her mad and feel bad about herself.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Honestly there are whole generations of people who actually resist dressing up and looking nice. You'll never get one of them to do it with any kind of smile on their face. I mean I know people's daughters who never wore anything besides hoodies and jeans. So you can imagine if someone grew up like that, which I don't know if your wife did, that looking nice for bedtime is the furthest thing from their minds.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

I would say if she doesn't already have lingerie she most likely doesn't like wearing it and would not want it. I'm not into it myself, I just don't get the point of it, I know a lot of men like it, and some women love it as well but it's not really going to change the way she thinks or feels about her body. The best you can do for her OP is to tell her over and over again how beautiful you find her.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Personally, I think it's a lost cause. Accept her for what she is. We are all different.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Tonight if she doesn’t pass out from tiredness I’m going to attempt to get her to put on one of the pieces I got her earlier in the week where her comment was “looks pretty”. Will report back with results.


So I added two pieces to her collection on Monday; stuck them on the top of her intimates drawer and didn’t say anything. She noticed on Wed. These were expensive imported stuff.

Last night she came to bed and I told her hey go and try on one of those pieces for me you’ll look smoking hot. Well the stars aligned and she ended up wearing both. Yes she was also smoking hot as predicted!

So now I feel slightly less bad about giving advice in this area.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> Last night she came to bed and I told her hey go and try on one of those pieces for me you’ll look smoking hot.


The fact that she didn't wear them spontaneously, you had to ask her... doesn't tell you anything?


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> So I added two pieces to her collection on Monday; stuck them on the top of her intimates drawer and didn’t say anything. She noticed on Wed. These were expensive imported stuff.
> 
> Last night she came to bed and I told her hey go and try on one of those pieces for me you’ll look smoking hot. Well the stars aligned and she ended up wearing both. Yes she was also smoking hot as predicted!
> 
> So now I feel slightly less bad about giving advice in this area.


That’s a good idea to sneak them in the drawer. I ordered some items from the Avenue place. I am nervous.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Livvie said:


> ..
> I think she needs to solve her naked issue by herself.


She has worked on this like I said we have made progress. She has not felt the need to cover up her bottom half and has also sometimes taken to only leaving a bra on. I am just trying to be respectful and not overshare on here. I have suggested in the past she go get some lingerie with her girl friends but she has been resistant. I bought some items last night for her.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> The fact that she didn't wear them spontaneously, you had to ask her... doesn't tell you anything?


What should it tell him?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

CN2622 said:


> What should it tell him?


That she doesn't really like wearing them and that she is doing it for him. Of course, that's fine too, but I thought powerslave sounded a bit too pleased with himself... I'm sure he will be back to tell me off...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> That she doesn't really like wearing them and that she is doing it for him. Of course, that's fine too, but I thought powerslave sounded a bit too pleased with himself... I'm sure he will be back to tell me off...


Doesn’t like wearing them... probably in that she needs to be prompted. But then again that’s largely true with her for anything sexual. She seemed to have fun with it yesterday.

Too pleased with myself also possible!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> Doesn’t like wearing them... probably in that she needs to be prompted. But then again that’s largely true with her for anything sexual. She seemed to have fun with it yesterday.
> 
> Too pleased with myself also possible!


I'm just jealous...


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

With all respect to the advice here...just want to give another POV. Only you know if valid so please don't take offense.

Marriage is an odd and peculiar thing in some ways when you think about it...a tie-in of a million things: finances, binding and creating families, social integration, support and care, emotional and _yes_ physical needs. The physical part is really just one piece (important!) to a life shared together. The world tells a woman and a man that they need to be each other's one and only for ALL these needs and that they need to always be "in love" and physically available and interested to their partner. As if love and attraction are binary and static and not influenced by a life and not subject to change...so we reflexively answer "of course" if ever questioned. There's a lot of personal pressure and investment to want to believe that.

Being attracted to someone and wanting that physical connection isn't something someone can reason into. It isn't something subject to some iron clad rule or promise made long ago. They can make themselves do the 'act' of course. They can tolerate it to keep status quo. They can lie to themselves or create excuses for why something once enjoyed and supposedly wonderful is no longer. They may not even be aware they are doing it given how strong the mental investment and how painful it would be to consider the alternative.

So that's a super long way of saying be very careful here with wife. Yes there are legitimate personal and medical excuses sometimes to explain things. But I think most often it's two people unwilling to consider that they don't have that connection anymore and at least one side is no longer attracted that way (for whatever reason). And pushing your wife on this will only worsen that attraction gap and cause deep resentment. Have you ever been asked to do something that you didn't want to do by someone you felt obligated to help? Perhaps if you felt you 'owed' the person you'd drag your feet and ultimately acquiesce. You might create excuses for why it took so long or poor quality. You'll do it but you'll resent it. You'll want to avoid it (or even them) more in the future. It's human nature. Buying your wife lingerie when she doesn't desire it...making her 'perform' or fall in line...maybe she will do it for awhile but she'll hate it while doing it and resent you for it. Is that what you want?

Suggest before moving ahead really try to clear your ego...really consider the things she's saying and more importantly not saying...really consider her POV...and make sure you know for certain that she really desires sex with you. Challenge the assumption.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

BigDigg said:


> Buying your wife lingerie when she doesn't desire it...making her 'perform' or fall in line...maybe she will do it for awhile but she'll hate it while doing it and resent you for it. Is that what you want?


Or... maybe she’ll enjoy it or grow to enjoy it.

Part of fixing the sexual relationship in my marriage was doing things outside the bedroom I would have said no to in the past except when we were first dating or newly married.

She was telling me these things were important to her. I never stopped her from doing anything and in many cases even facilitated it, paid for it, or lined up friends for her to do it with. If I didn’t want to do it I just didn’t. Over years this causes damage and separation that has a negative effect that in my opinion affects the bedroom.

To give a concrete example she likes hiking but only under a very narrow set of circumstances. Drive somewhere far (3+ hours) and have a 16 hour day doing it. She will only do this with other people which is good for safety and often her pals wouldn’t commit to that time commitment. I’d rather go to a trail a couple miles from our house and bang it out in an hour then do other things.

I view hiking as exercise. In fact I’d rather load down with a weight vest and run the hike rather than walking.

She views it as connecting to nature and an emotional reset. She wants to spend time outside.

So when I started trying to repair things I just flipped my answer to everything like this from no to yes. I mean everything.

Do I hate her or resent her for it? No. She knows she’s asking me to do something out of what I would usually do and in some cases she even gives me an out when she asks. I say yes anyway. It is part of who she is as and I was missing out on that part in a way that I wasn’t when we were dating or newly married.

I can tell you what she did yesterday where she gave me a straight up lingerie show with my favorite pieces is a long time build up of yes from me. It has deep meaning between us because it is something she did for me in my “love language” to borrow a term.

So the exact reason why she decided to “perform” as you say I don’t care just as she doesn’t question why I am doing things that make her happy. I do it because I love her and making her happy makes me happy even if it is uncomfortable for me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> Or... maybe she’ll enjoy it or grow to enjoy it.
> 
> Part of fixing the sexual relationship in my marriage was doing things outside the bedroom I would have said no to in the past except when we were first dating or newly married.
> 
> ...


This... ^^^ (still jealous)


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

La Perla









slip dress, in xlarge. You'd have to call and see if this would work and it's quite expensive but what woman wouldn't love this?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

gold5932 said:


> La Perla
> 
> View attachment 75092
> 
> slip dress, in xlarge. You'd have to call and see if this would work and it's quite expensive but what woman wouldn't love this?


I don't like the color, actually.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Livvie said:


> I don't like the color, actually.


Why not?


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> Why not?


What happened with all the lingerie you purchased at Victoria Secrets? You told me about it in a private message.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> What happened with all the lingerie you purchased at Victoria Secrets? You told me about it in a private message.


We bought it and then she ended up returning it because she said she didn’t like how it felt on her body and she said it made her uncomfortable in the moment.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> We bought it and then she ended up returning it because she said she didn’t like how it felt on her body and she said it made her uncomfortable in the moment.


So it isn’t her thing. You buying it isn’t going to help


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I personally have never shopped in Victoria's Secret, I don't like the quality. But high end lingerie, such as La Perla, can't be beat against your body. It's amazing.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

Livvie said:


> I don't like the color, actually.


Many other colors.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> So it isn’t her thing. You buying it isn’t going to help


That’s true. She did say she would be willing to try something more like a slip.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

gold5932 said:


> I personally have never shopped in Victoria's Secret, I don't like the quality. But high end lingerie, such as La Perla, can't be beat against your body. It's amazing.


Lol you need an affiliate link so you can get paid when I buy some for my wife.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

I showed my wife some of the stuff I ordered and she said she would give it a try. She told me what kinds of things she won’t wear. She said she doesn’t want to feel like a dress up down that I am just clothing for my entertainment. I think this is a positive step.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

gold5932 said:


> La Perla
> 
> View attachment 75092
> 
> slip dress, in xlarge. You'd have to call and see if this would work and it's quite expensive but what woman wouldn't love this?


It needs a slit up the front or the side with lace to let a little leg show. Their prices are ridiculous and are not merited. I like the color.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

CN2622 said:


> Why not?


I don't like that bright red. And it would look bad with my skin tone.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Holy ****. I just looked at the prices. I would NEVER, and I mean never, even if I had limitless $$, spend that much on this stuff. Re the lingerie, it's not like you are going to be wearing it for 8 hours a day. Wow!


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Holy ****. I just looked at the prices. I would NEVER, and I mean never, even if I had limitless $$, spend that much on this stuff. Re the lingerie, it's not like you are going to be wearing it for 8 hours a day. Wow!


Lol don’t worry I did not buy anything from there.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I had an older man give me La Perla when I was single and in my 20's. I thought he was a prince after receiving such a wonderful item. You should never purchase anything that makes you uncomfortable, I'm just saying if you can buy a wonderful item for your significant other, you should. That's all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

CN2622 said:


> She said she thought it might give us ideas of what we could try.


People look up everything else on YouTube, so she does have a point. 

If a video platform is a valid place to look up how to swap out a garbage disposal on YouTube, some vids can be a valid means of discovering sexual techniques as well. 

There are tasteful institutional vids out there. They aren’t all Romanian circus midgets in bondage in big vats of spaghetti noodles.


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