# Does spanning come natural?



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

I don't watch porn now but saw my share with my husband when we were dating and newly married. It (spanking)always seemed weird and out of place to me. Occasionally my husband will do this but it seems so.. So contrived... And like something he's doing bc he saw it in porn, not bc it comes natural. I don't like it so he doesn't do it often. Just curious how common it is, or if it's something mainly done in porn.

Eta- autocorrect spelled "spanking" wrong


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> I don't watch porn now but saw my share with my husband when we were dating and newly married. It (spanking)always seemed weird and out of place to me. Occasionally my husband will do this but it seems so.. So contrived... And like something he's doing bc he saw it in porn, not bc it comes natural. I don't like it so he doesn't do it often. Just curious how common it is, or if it's something mainly done in porn.
> 
> Eta- autocorrect spelled "spanking" wrong


It's not something that comes naturally to me either, but for my wife, a well timed smack on the ass really does something for her. I imagine that it has to do with her level of arousal and the pain of the smack being interpreted by the body in a pleasurable way. Not really sure though because it does nothing for me.


----------



## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Only comes naturally in certain positions. Gydyup!


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Always seemed like the right thing to do. 

So yes


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't understand this kink at all. I associate spanking with children and fail to see where the sexy part of spanking comes into play.

Never done it, never had anyone even bring it up, and have no interest in it. I'll go further and say if anyone wanted to hit me during sex (or ever), I'd show him the door.


----------



## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

I had to read this after I read "Does spanning come natural? " I thought I was going to find out something else I never heard of. LOL I have read quite a few things here and had to google them, to find out what they meant.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> ... It (spanking)always seemed weird and out of place to me.
> 
> ...I don't like it so he doesn't do it often. Just curious how common it is, or if it's something mainly done in porn.
> 
> Eta- autocorrect spelled "spanking" wrong


My 2 cents. A really serious deep tissue muscle massage releases lots of endorphins and oxytocin (the love/cuddling hormone that also is released after orgasm). 

Depending on how it is done (and obviously with the consent of the person being spanked) it can be a vigorous work out of the glut's and result in a rush of oxytocin. 

It sort of depends on what it is that you are trying to achieve. It can be teasing, it can be thuddy and deep tissue. If you want to try it again with your H, maybe start with a full body massage until you are really relaxed, then have him give you a really hard and deep tissue massage on your gluts. Have him push with his elbows or knuckles into the soft tissue and push down on any knotted up muscles. You might just find that you like that and the associated release of oxytocin. 

If so, you can always ask him (after he has warmed you up) to first slap, then cup with his hand and squeeze very hard your butt cheek. That could get your juices or at least oxytocin flowing to the point that maybe you would in a Pavlovian way associate spanking with feeling good.

Personally, I think spanking for domination, or spanking for inducing pain just doesn't make sense to me, so I hear where you may be coming from. YMMV


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

norajane said:


> I don't understand this kink at all. I associate spanking with children and fail to see where the sexy part of spanking comes into play.
> 
> Never done it, never had anyone even bring it up, and have no interest in it. I'll go further and say if anyone wanted to hit me during sex (or ever), I'd show him the door.


Lest I be viewed as some neanderthal ogre with a distorted sense of reality adopted from porn based on my comment above...

I would not have come up with the idea of spanking on my own, as I don't view it as particularly sexy either, nor would I think to bring it up. My wife was the one to broach the subject as it is something she enjoys. She did have to coax me a bit, but I have learned all of her non verbal queues, so it is something that I am able to incorporate seamlessly...for her. Interestingly enough, my ex wife was the exact same way.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> My 2 cents. A really serious deep tissue muscle massage releases lots of endorphins and oxytocin (the love/cuddling hormone that also is released after orgasm).
> 
> Depending on how it is done (and obviously with the consent of the person being spanked) it can be a vigorous work out of the glut's and result in a rush of oxytocin.
> 
> ...


Strangely enough, that makes perfect sense!


----------



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

norajane said:


> I don't understand this kink at all. I associate spanking with children and fail to see where the sexy part of spanking comes into play.
> 
> Never done it, never had anyone even bring it up, and have no interest in it. I'll go further and say if anyone wanted to hit me during sex (or ever), I'd show him the door.


My husband never did it hard enough to cause pain. He doesn't do it often ( he might try it 4 times a yr). The times he did it, I could tell he was testing the waters to see what I'd say. He never does it twice in a row bc I tell him "don't". It totally throws me off bc I'm not expecting it, then I have to try and refocus where I left off, lol.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> My husband never did it hard enough to cause pain. He doesn't do it often ( he might try it 4 times a yr). The times he did it, I could tell he was testing the waters to see what I'd say. He never does it twice in a row bc I tell him "don't". It totally throws me off bc I'm not expecting it, then I have to try and refocus where I left off, lol.


Why can't you just tell him you don't like it, it throws you off during sex and makes it harder for you to enjoy yourself, and to stop doing it?


----------



## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

I haven't touched her butt long enough ; so excusee moi ; my testomony will be worthless


----------



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

norajane said:


> Why can't you just tell him you don't like it, it throws you off during sex and makes it harder for you to enjoy yourself, and to stop doing it?


It happens so infrequently that I don't want to make a big deal out of it. To be honest, when he does it, it also makes me wonder if he's been watching porn lately, lol!


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Administering one does not come easily to me, my gf likes them if they are timed right and not too hard. but I'm more of a sub hehe... The thought of having my own rump spanked red anticipates me and I actually enjoy the sting combined with the pleasure of attention and other light touch, but she doesn't spank nearly hard enough . And no I wasn't really spanked as a child, though maybe threatened a couple times


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I don't get it. Doesn't do anything for me. I'm kind of like NoraJane--it reminds me of something you'd do to a child. 


That said, if my wife wanted it, I'd spank her like a monkey.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Seems there is a broad range of opinions here. My wife and I discussed this pre marriage. She hates it, also tickling. So she doesn't ever receive any. I on the other hand have a need from time to time to be submissive. I have created most of the implements she will use. A good way to combine my hobbies. It's probably going to be a while before she is willing to indulge me again. Last time was the morning of my Dr. apt. I didn't remind her until the deed was done. 
FYI she never leaves marks there. I've had a few suction bruises on my neck. Also I prefer Stingy to thuddy.
MN


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I think it does, but maybe that's just my kink coming through. When my kids were babies I adored their little naked butts. Always wanted to pat them and rub them. God I just love baby butts! Not in a sexual way, I just think it's adorable, like a puppy is adorable. My reaction is to touch. I want to touch because it is adorable.

Spanking...between adults. Can be lots of fun. But only if it's your thing. So maybe it does come naturally, maybe it's an acquired taste? I just know that I like it.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I'm not sure if it comes naturally necessarily, but I enjoy it. A long ago boyfriend introduced me to it. He of course loved it because when you're spanked, your nether regions clench up and its enjoyable for the man. Lucky for him I was on board!


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I like it


----------



## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

I'm somewhat of a masochist so I like it. I always thought it sounded awkward and weird until we actually tried it.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Some women like it, some don't. For those that do, a well timed and calibrated smack really does seem to get them going! Many that do like it already know this and ask for it - some may learn they like it, but should always be asked if they're willing to try.


----------



## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Brandy905 said:


> I had to read this after I read "Does spanning come natural? " I thought I was going to find out something else I never heard of. LOL


Same here,, or maybe to post the advice,,

"we build different types of bridges here. You need an architects forum."

- - -


SpanKing? - Horses for courses. If you like it, go for it. If you don't,, don't let it be done to you,, and only do it for your partner if you want to.

The act is irrelevant. It's about mutual consent and negotiation. If you can't reach a happy medium, you're incompatible and need to find somebody else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

lucy999 said:


> I'm not sure if it comes naturally necessarily, but I enjoy it. A long ago boyfriend introduced me to it. He of course loved it because when you're spanked, *your nether regions clench up and its enjoyable for the man*. Lucky for him I was on board!


Huh, never thought of that...!

I'll never get to try it, though. My wife long ago made it clear she's not into that. She's got some booty, and as I understand it, more than one past partner has taken liberties, which she did not appreciate. Can't remember how this even came up in conversation, but it did... I was basically given a pre-emptive "not gonna happen" speech way back when, so I guess it's something she hates SO much, she felt it necessary to mention early on.

I guess I appreciate her honesty, however every time I see somebody smacking a woman's butt on tv or in a movie, I kind of have a flashback to that conversation and what it entailed. (as in, other men spanking her... sigh.)


----------



## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Lest I be viewed as some neanderthal ogre with a distorted sense of reality adopted from porn based on my comment above...
> 
> I would not have come up with the idea of spanking on my own, as I don't view it as particularly sexy either, nor would I think to bring it up. My wife was the one to broach the subject as it is something she enjoys. She did have to coax me a bit, but I have learned all of her non verbal queues, so it is something that I am able to incorporate seamlessly...for her. Interestingly enough, my ex wife was the exact same way.


This is almost identical to my experience with my wife. My biggest fear/apprehension was when she wanted me to smack her ass that I'd hurt her. I'm pretty strong so I didn't want to be to hard on her. It was almost comical the first time I incorporating spanking into our session...I gave her a nice little...umm..."pat" and she turned her head with a look that said..."Oh c'mon...You can do better than that!" LOL!

She also likes having her hair pulled sometimes.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> This is almost identical to my experience with my wife. My biggest fear/apprehension was when she wanted me to smack her ass that I'd hurt her. I'm pretty strong so I didn't want to be to hard on her. It was almost comical the first time I incorporating spanking into our session...I gave her a nice little...umm..."pat" and she turned her head with a look that said..."Oh c'mon...You can do better than that!" LOL!
> 
> *She also likes having her hair pulled sometimes*.


Same with mine...not to the point where roots are breaking, but enough to pull her head back a bit. It took a few times to get it exactly how she wanted it, both the hair pulling and ass smacking...

Funny story here...one time she had just gotten out of the shower, and well, one thing led to another, and she ended up with a bright red hand print on her cheek that was so complete and well defined it looked like my hand had been perfectly traced...she insisted I take a picture of it and she still looks at it and reminds me of it from time to time...with an expectant grin...


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

norajane said:


> Why can't you just tell him you don't like it, it throws you off during sex and makes it harder for you to enjoy yourself, and to stop doing it?


:iagree:

I do not like being spanked at all. My husband tried it once and I didn't like it. He has never done it again. I would be mad if he tried it again without asking me and I would make it very clear that he needs to talk to me first before just doing what ever the heck he wants.


----------



## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

We’re in a similar situation.
I’m not sure what brought it on, maybe her ‘reading’ material and the 50 shades trilogy.
Honestly, I dread our son picking up her kindle. It’s definitely fully kinked!
But I digress. First time she suggesting it I was very reluctant. I did a little research, learned the techniques.
I too was worried about causing pain, but it’s all relative. She can take more than me 😁
I now can pick up the signals when she’s in need. I assume it’s some sort of submissive thing.
We laugh about it, have a few ‘tools’ hands do get tired. Plus her ‘spanking’ panties.. Basically a thong.
On my side it’s a very visual stimuli, red hand prints on her bottom get me very aroused.
For her, again I think she likes the submissive angle.
Is it natural? I doubt we would have explored it if she hadn’t been reading Violet Blues recommended reading list.
All the same we do enjoy it. 
But only on empty house days.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
For me sex can be intimately tied up with dominance. Spanking (or being spanked) and other sorts of dominant / submissive behaviors seem to me to naturally be part of sex - sometimes.

I also enjoy romantic mutual lovemaking. I like lots of things, and especially like lots of variety. I want to be dominant, submissive, loving playful, naughty etc. 

My wife gets nothing of being spanked so we don't do it.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

It always came pretty natural to my husband--and I like it, in and out of the bedroom. 

I've got the kink for it, and he's got the talent for it, so we're compatible and happy.


----------



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

For a long time I didn't like to be spanked. I would tell potential partners that I'm open to most things but pain, and I included hair pulling and spanking in that. If I had a partner who did it without asking or after I'd told him it was a "no" it would P*SS me off. I saw it as disrespectful. 

But then I started contemplating kinks and why people might be turned on sexually by pain. I had a partner who once sucked hard on my breasts to the point where it hurt a bit. I thought about stopping it but then thought I would just let it be for a little bit to see how my body might react. I was on top and when he released I got the most intense urge to just F*CK him. It really did release something physiologically that I'd never experienced before. 

My bf now is the first man I've let spank me and I've enjoyed it. He doesn't do it too hard and he times it when I'm worked up. It intensifies my desire. Not sure how to explain it more than that. I don't really experience as a dominant / submissive thing.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> For a long time I didn't like to be spanked. I would tell potential partners that I'm open to most things but pain, and I included hair pulling and spanking in that. If I had a partner who did it without asking or after I'd told him it was a "no" it would P*SS me off. I saw it as disrespectful.
> 
> But then I started contemplating kinks and why people might be turned on sexually by pain. I had a partner who once sucked hard on my breasts to the point where it hurt a bit. I thought about stopping it but then thought I would just let it be for a little bit to see how my body might react. I was on top and when he released I got the most intense urge to just F*CK him. It really did release something physiologically that I'd never experienced before.
> 
> My bf now is the first man I've let spank me and I've enjoyed it. He doesn't do it too hard and he times it when I'm worked up. It intensifies my desire. Not sure how to explain it more than that. I don't really experience as a dominant / submissive thing.


When I examine my desire to be spanked (how I eroticize pain in general, actually), I too find that it's very complex. In some ways it is related to a desire to be dominated, and I think I derive the most pleasure from the pain when its obtained at the hands of my husband. When I really reflect on my "need" for pain, though, it's also wrapped up in stress relief, satisfaction at my ability to push my boundaries, and an interest in learning how to manipulate endorphins and adrenaline for pleasure. In short, I've concluded that I'm a masochist. 

It takes an enormous amount of 1) self awareness and 2) trust to embark on a relationships that honors your desire for pain. Having a partner who is willing to learn and explore with you is a true gift. There is quite a lot of good reading out there about spanking--both the psychology of it and the mechanics of giving a good spanking. If you're not into it, you're not into it. If you are in to it and aren't ashamed or inhibited about being into it, there is a lot to learn, and it can be quite an enhancement to many aspects of your life.


----------

