# After The Lies: Addiction Tri-Fecta



## Horizon

Yep, my WS has the Tri-Fecta. 

Drinking, spending, cheating (perverse form of attention seeking)


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## trey69

Did you have a specific question?


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## Horizon

Yes, my WS drank a few more than usual last night and is suffering this morning. I have told her she needs to get into rehab. It's only Thursday. She rejects the idea.

Like her father she has a condition where she is randomly hit with shocking headaches - migraines. But these days it's rare, maybe once or twice a year. It was more frequent when we were first together. So this morning the headaches returned and she vomited - which is what normally happens after her migraines.

So, I'm wondering if it's more of a hangover, if there is a link, but the facts are against it. She normally drinks half a bottle of whisky each night - just a little more last night.

Just wondering if people have advice on this addiction Tri-Fecta - treating multiple addictions. I'm going to contact our local hospital this morning. Searching the Web now for other answers.

Horizon


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## Acoa

I've had good luck with psychotherapy from a therapist experienced in addictions and 12 step programs. 

Has she admitted she is addicted? Does she say she wants to stop, but isn't sure how to start? 

If she isn't there yet, there isn't much you can do. An addict who doesn't want help, is near impossible to help.

Is there and Alanon group in your area? If you can find one, you may want to try going. It's a good place to learn how to cope with your addict.


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## Horizon

Acoa said:


> I've had good luck with psychotherapy from a therapist experienced in addictions and 12 step programs.
> 
> Has she admitted she is addicted? Does she say she wants to stop, but isn't sure how to start?
> 
> If she isn't there yet, there isn't much you can do. An addict who doesn't want help, is near impossible to help.
> 
> Is there and Alanon group in your area? If you can find one, you may want to try going. It's a good place to learn how to cope with your addict.


-----
Thanks Acoa, no, she's not there yet. I have a very firm heartfelt letter written up for her, imploring her to do something about her drinking. But I haven't given it to her - I know how she'll react. Maybe that letter was something I need to do for myself.


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## Prodigal

Find local Al-Anon meetings. Why?

Because you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. The 3 C's of Al-Anon, in a nutshell.

Write letters. Scream. Threaten. Bargain. Love her out of it.

Guess what? None of it works. 

I've been in Al-Anon since 1996. I also have attended many open A.A. meetings. 

What did I learn? I can only own what is on my side of the street. I have no power whatsoever to make an addict see the light. 

And until the addict has that ah-ha moment, hits bottom, or just realizes he/she cannot control life and the addiction, it will continue.

Bottom line when living with an addict: eventually get out or get dragged.

Sorry. But I married two alcoholics. And I survived. Not to mention, I got the heck back on my side of the street. I keep that clean. One day at a time.


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## Want2babettrme

Horizon said:


> Yes, my WS drank a few more than usual last night and is suffering this morning. I have told her she needs to get into rehab. It's only Thursday. She rejects the idea.
> 
> Like her father she has a condition where she is randomly hit with shocking headaches - migraines. But these days it's rare, maybe once or twice a year. It was more frequent when we were first together. So this morning the headaches returned and she vomited - which is what normally happens after her migraines.
> 
> So, I'm wondering if it's more of a hangover, if there is a link, but the facts are against it. She normally drinks half a bottle of whisky each night - just a little more last night.
> 
> Just wondering if people have advice on this addiction Tri-Fecta - treating multiple addictions. I'm going to contact our local hospital this morning. Searching the Web now for other answers.
> 
> Horizon


How long has she been drinking this much on a daily basis?

You may want to check out Alanon to help you cope with her alcohol addiction.

Edit: sorry, just saw previous posters' responses. Good advice being given.


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## Horizon

Want2babettrme said:


> How long has she been drinking this much on a daily basis?
> 
> You may want to check out Alanon to help you cope with her alcohol addiction.
> 
> Edit: sorry, just saw previous posters' responses. Good advice being given.


For years and years. She refuses to accept she has a problem and blames my wrong attitude to her just "enjoying a few drinks". She is an alcoholic pure and simple - how else does one describe someone who must drink that much 7 evenings a week?

It will eventually make a handy excuse for her diminished libido. When she finally admits it to herself it will be a handy one size fits all excuse for her complete lack of interest in me. 

Her affair last year must have been an aberration - the libido sure rocked back into gear then.


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## treyvion

Horizon said:


> For years and years. She refuses to accept she has a problem and blames my wrong attitude to her just "enjoying a few drinks". She is an alcoholic pure and simple - how else does one describe someone who must drink that much 7 evenings a week?
> 
> It will eventually make a handy excuse for her diminished libido. When she finally admits it to herself it will be a handy one size fits all excuse for her complete lack of interest in me.
> 
> Her affair last year must have been an aberration - the libido sure rocked back into gear then.


Did she gain weight on the sauce?


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## Horizon

treyvion said:


> Did she gain weight on the sauce?


No, the only weight she has gained is a little which I put down to age.

Funny thing though - a very good friend of mine is an alcoholic. He is very slim build; many alcohs are slim because they drink more than they eat. This bloke generally just eats cheese and crackers.

My WS never eats dinner with us at night but often she will eat cheese and crackers.


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