# Who else is bored with life?



## Looking4Meaning (Aug 3, 2014)

I think there are probably a lot of other people that feel this way. The monotonous day in - day out of life. I have a pretty decent living situation when compared to most people on this planet. Somewhere along the way I lost track of what I was doing. Some how I ended up in an oddly unstable marriage, no real friends to speak of, and a job that pays the bills but I take no pride in. Everyday waking up going to work, coming home, working on the house, shopping for random crap. I am just so bored with life. I don't really have hobbies or anything to do besides work. Are there other loner types that feel this way? I am not super depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I am just a 30 year old guy who goes through the motions, but I am never really into any of it. I just do it cause it has to get done.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I used to feel that way. I had friends, but no real hobbies. Most of my close friends were in relationships, and whole I was some of the time, when I wasn't, I was lonely. My job was ok, but it too got boring. 

I developed hobbies and started traveling with singles groups. I learned to play sports and joined leagues. I rode my bike and hiked with groups. 

I am married now, but I kept the hobbies. I know my relationship is stronger because I am independent and have hobbies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Yep, been there.

Ultimately, you are in charge of your own happiness. What were you like in high school? Did you have lots of friends, sports, hobbies?


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

I cannot fathom how anyone could feel the way you do.

It could be sooooooo much worse.

Read about Jonny Kennedy and come back and tell us all about your boring life.


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## I'llUseMyEars (Jul 27, 2014)

Life is what YOU make of it my friend. You need to find and make your own happiness and excitement. Sitting around wondering about it will get you nowhere. Go do!!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You have chosen boredom. Many people do. It's up to you to fix.


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

My life is so crazy I would love to be bored, I long for the days of being bored.

Between trying to get my Masters degree, a recent promotion, my wife starting a new job, kids growing and changing, kids sports, trying to learn Perl scripting and Python,reading self help books, doing the best I can to keep calm in a very hectic life.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

I feel bored a lot. I live in a different country for work. My friends are all in America. My husband has no days off here. My son is only 2 months old, so he isn't really good company yet.

I'm 30 as well. I have a good marriage, but not seeing my husband a lot adds to my boredom and loneliness. 2 more years like this. I just try to fill my time with Internet stuff, reading, movies, and taking care of my son. I just try to stay positive as much as possible.

You should find some hobbies or things to do that you love. And fix your marriage. You won't ever be happy if you stay in a bad marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I think that the biggest factor to not being bored.... is to be ok with yourself. Boredom suggests an "unsettledness", where you are not sure what to do with yourself. 

I have 3 suggestions:

1. Find SOMETHING you love....and just do it. It adds to the value/fullness of your life.

2. Volunteer. Figure out what you MIGHT be interested in.... kids, sports, theater, career goals, etc.... SOMEWHERE someone is looking for skills that you bring.

3. meetup.com It's not a dating site. There are a bunch of groups and you choose what to engage in. And when you don't know what you want to do, there are some groups that just go out for dinner or bowling or whatever. A chance to meet new people and decide what things will bring more meaning to your life.

It's up to you tho. Life is what you make it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

You are 30, in coming years you will be maturing fully and discovering yourself more.

Meanwhile, you need hobbies, PRONTO!!!

Figure out what it is that you like and enjoy. Also get your partner/loved one involved as well (or maybe join her/him in their hobbies).

I would probably start off with recommending sports and physical activity ASAP. That alone will do WONDERS to your happiness levels.

Go for a hike with your loved one, camping......walks on regular basis....maybe fishing etc.

Try new things, you will NOT know what you like/dislike until you dive in head first into it.

As for boredom, it happens every now and then. Completely normal. Life is full of roller coasters, you are simply at the bottom. We all get bored with life at times....even if you stay busy.


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## Nigel Pinchley (Jul 29, 2014)

I think everyone goes through spells like this, and honestly, I think they're pretty natural when we've allowed ourselves to become complacent.

When I'm bored with my job, I start learning about new ways to hone my craft. If job boredom continues for months on end, I start looking for a new jobs (not always a possibility obviously).

When I'm bored at home, that for me is usually a sign of apathy and that I need to get up off my ass and start doing things, whether that means tackling house projects, reintroducing old hobbies, or learning new ones.

When I'm bored in my marriage, for me that means it's time for my wife and I to refocus on each other. We take time off and do lots of stuff together, even simple things like movie/dinner night, or bigger things like travelling.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Looking4Meaning...if you could list what YOU are passionate about, or USED TO BE.. and what caused that FIRE to go out.. please share..... 

You have found yourself in a state of "APATHY".. did it start because your marriage started to come unraveled, you stated it was unstable.. what are your issues? When things are good at home, it helps us on the Job.. just makes our day/ outlook brighter somehow.. but also when a JOB is dragging a man down, he can bring this into the home and it can sour attitudes that can be like a domino effect...

Apathy in marriage can look like this....

A is for Apathy: What Happens when You Don't Care Anymore?  



> Apathy, unconcern, indifference, lack of interest, lack of emotion. It's what creeps into the marriage when one or both spouses aren't watchful.
> 
> *§* It happens when they allow the fire for each other to go out.
> 
> ...


Mid life Crisis? 

Taken from this book.. The Gifts of Imperfection... it speaks how we need to feel a sense of Love and Belonging with those in our lives.. or we do not function as we were meant too, we fall into addictions, we numb ourselves.. wonderful book by the way!

Brene Brown, the author says ...


> "After collecting thousands of stories , I'm willing to call this a FACT: *A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men and children*. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love , to be loved, and to belong.
> 
> When these needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. *We NUMB.*..We ache...We hurt others. We get sick.
> 
> There are certainly other causes of illness, numbing and hurt, but the absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering.


There is a section about NUMBING...she spend several hundred interviews trying to better understand the consequences of NUMBING & how "taking the edge off" behaviors is related to addiction...this is what she learned...



> *1*. Most of us engage in behaviors (consciously or not) that help us to numb and take the edge of off vulnerability, pain, and discomfort.
> 
> *2*. Addiction can be described as chronically & compulsively numbing and taking the edge off of feelings..
> 
> *3.* We cannot selectively numb emotions.. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.


Sometimes we just need Resilience too.. that spirit to find another way, get "creative" to shake up the apathy, that it's not going to be like this anymore if have anything to say about it.. 








*>>* Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after a misfortune, blessed with such an outlook, resilient people are able to change course and soldier on.


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## Canuck99 (Jul 17, 2014)

You're bored with life. That is ok. What isn't OK is to do nothing about it. You may have depression issues as well, but before turning to drugs, start trying to find some passions you can enjoy. 

You need a wake up call. Start small, and start doing some things with your wife, and alone.

What type of things? Hard to say, look for hobbies or volunteer type stuff. Ideally STRETCH yourself. 

Get out of your comfort zone a bit, because that will push you more. For example, if you hate the gym because you feel fat and ugly, GO TO THE GYM. If you have trouble with people or you have no practical skills (doubtful because you say you work on your house), try doing one of those Habitat For Humanity projects where you help build a house. 


The point is, you need a change and you need to know it will be hard to change, you may fail a few times, but keep at it. Youll find something new that gives you a new passion.

Just try and get your wife involved if possible.


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## Mulder (Jul 9, 2014)

I think he is bored with this thread now.


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## Mulder (Jul 9, 2014)

Seriously though - you might have gotten married thinking it was the end all and put all your hopes and dreams into your wife or your marriage fulfilling your life's desires.

Join a meetup. Meet some guys that you can go out with. Find a hobby that interests you.

And get your T levels checked.


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## Nigel Pinchley (Jul 29, 2014)

Mulder said:


> Seriously though - you might have gotten married thinking it was the end all and put all your hopes and dreams into your wife or your marriage fulfilling your life's desires.
> 
> Join a meetup. Meet some guys that you can go out with. Find a hobby that interests you.
> 
> And get your T levels checked.


:iagree: Folks get married and start careers thinking that those things will create this deep sense of fulfillment that they've been missing all their lives. While those things can be very meaningful parts of our lives and can contribute greatly to our overall happiness and sense of satisfcation, they are, as you said, not the be-all, end-all keys to life.


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## mlw11612 (Feb 20, 2013)

Wow!!! This is crazy that I am reading this because I was just talking with a coworker this morning about this same topic and what you wrote sounds verbatim of how I feel and how my situation is... I totally feel you on this. I don't know what to about it but something needs to change. I thought I was writing this thread when I read yours.


Looking4Meaning said:


> I think there are probably a lot of other people that feel this way. The monotonous day in - day out of life. I have a pretty decent living situation when compared to most people on this planet. Somewhere along the way I lost track of what I was doing. Some how I ended up in an oddly unstable marriage, no real friends to speak of, and a job that pays the bills but I take no pride in. Everyday waking up going to work, coming home, working on the house, shopping for random crap. I am just so bored with life. I don't really have hobbies or anything to do besides work. Are there other loner types that feel this way? I am not super depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I am just a 30 year old guy who goes through the motions, but I am never really into any of it. I just do it cause it has to get done.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

try this:
get your backpack and a tent. Pack a weeks worth of food, and something to do, like bring a harmonica or a paperback of war and peace. Drive your car to a trailhead in the woods, hike to the top of a big mountain, and set up camp where there is a view from the hilltop but far from the trail so other hikers will not see you. Notice where the streams/springs are for water supply on your hike up.

Then set up shop there for a week. Explore. Watch the sunset. Drink a hot cup of cocoa as the sun rises. 

At some point, the mountain will talk to you. I suggest you listen


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Great advice. There is something really spiritual about getting touch with nature. Reminds me - it has been far too long since I've taken a nice hike on the Appalachian Trail. Need to rectify that.



murphy5 said:


> try this:
> get your backpack and a tent. Pack a weeks worth of food, and something to do, like bring a harmonica or a paperback of war and peace. Drive your car to a trailhead in the woods, hike to the top of a big mountain, and set up camp where there is a view from the hilltop but far from the trail so other hikers will not see you. Notice where the streams/springs are for water supply on your hike up.
> 
> Then set up shop there for a week. Explore. Watch the sunset. Drink a hot cup of cocoa as the sun rises.
> ...


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

oh man... ditto.. thanks for the reminder... that is totally singing my song.


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## mlw11612 (Feb 20, 2013)

This sounds like a wonderful idea and so peaceful and good for your soul.


murphy5 said:


> try this:
> get your backpack and a tent. Pack a weeks worth of food, and something to do, like bring a harmonica or a paperback of war and peace. Drive your car to a trailhead in the woods, hike to the top of a big mountain, and set up camp where there is a view from the hilltop but far from the trail so other hikers will not see you. Notice where the streams/springs are for water supply on your hike up.
> 
> Then set up shop there for a week. Explore. Watch the sunset. Drink a hot cup of cocoa as the sun rises.
> ...


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I am 30, too and struggle with a lot of your same feelings. 

I've always been a wherever the wind blows me type. Never really had any strong aspirations or visions about the future. But I would consider myself a very practical person. 

I have visions and daydreams of running off into the wilderness or getting on a random plane and doing one of those Eat, Pray, Love stints. 

But the fact is that I have a family - H and two young kids - and a mortgage, car payment, etc. I have a job that is very BLAH but it is necessary to pay the bills. I have responsibilities and I would never put someone else in a bad place because of my own issues. 

I don't have a good solution, but I can tell you that I regularly do three things to combat this feeling:

1) I make it a point to keep up on current events, especially those that are unfortunate, to remind myself that comparitively I have it [email protected] good. I also spend a great deal of time looking for small ways to help those in need that are reachable...I regularly donate to charities and animal shelters. My contributions are so small it probably makes zero difference honestly, but it makes me feel like I am DOING something. I read a lot of human interest pieces...most people would call me a bleeding heart I guess. 

2) I do at least one thing every day that is just for me, and no one else. Nothing mean spirited. As an example; my H is a cheapskate and gets angry at any frivolous spending. He has a point about making sure we don't make any rash purchases but I used to avoid buying coffee out for example in fear of his reaction. Now, I just do it. A coffee at starbucks (even if ridiculously priced at $6 or whatever they are) won't kill us. I go without him and without the kids and just enjoy it without any grief from H and without kids yelling to share it with them. Sometimes I ask my H to pick up the kids after work and I come home and instead of doing chores or making dinner right away I watch a trash TV show that I know none of them would want to watch. I might buy myself a piece of clothing that makes me feel good. Just little things. Sometimes H doesnt know, but its never anything that is wrong to hide just more of a feeling of, I want this to be happy and dont have to justify it to anyone. 

3) I try to focus on taking care of myself. It's hard to do this because there are a lot of times when I don't want to. I do suffer from anxiety and depression and it took me many years of suffering before I eventually sought treatment and went on medication. I am glad that I did - it didn't help with the lost or bored feeling but it does help with perspective. Being able to see how I fit into a bigger picture and how I impact those around me, which I was blind to before. 
I don't know if you have kids. I was never sure if I wanted them, but life had other plans and I ended up with two. It's cliche but they are two of the best things that ever happened to me. I spend a lot of time thinking what kind of life I would wish for them both - one of those things is clarity and contentment, because I feel the pain on a regular basis of not having either. But children often learn by example - for better or for worse - and it's important to me to set a good example. I measure my choices by "What would I want my kids to see me do?" And maybe that's silly but it helps me.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Sunburn said:


> I cannot fathom how anyone could feel the way you do.
> 
> It could be sooooooo much worse.
> 
> Read about Jonny Kennedy and come back and tell us all about your boring life.


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