# Partner Will tell Me she Is Leaving Me Tonight



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Hi.
As some of you are aware my partner called off our 20 year relationship in November 2013. We are still living together while she DECIDES wether she wants us to remain a couple, she said just give her some space..Ok, here is the problem.One hour ago i heard her talking to her divorced female friend on her phone ( i came back early) saying that she will 100% finish us this weekend.
30 mins ago she has just told me we need to talk when our 13 year old is out this weekend, about us.Well i know it is going to be goodbye due to the phone call.
I dont want to split due to splitting up with our son but it is out of my hands.
What do i say back when she tells me? Do i just say ok see you, or do i try to explain it would be best to try again for our son and family? Thank you.


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## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

That's a tough one. You know what the talk will be already so you have a little time to prepare for it. 

My guess is you have already spilled your heart out, tried to convince her with words and perhaps action? If so, consider the fact that at this point it is not up to you. You simply cannot make someone want to be with you. I understand what you are dealing with because I am there too.

Gain your courage and be strong for the sake of your child and your health. If she tells you it's over, which it seems like she will, you probably can't say anything to change her mind.

It's now time for you to prepare yourself for the legal process by seeking help from an attorney who will protect your best interest during a time when it can be hard to think straight.

Consider the 180 as a means to build your own confidence and set up boundaries you will need in order to move forward.

I wish you the best of luck and please take good care of yourself.


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## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Oviid
Thank you for your good reply. Yes, done all the things you said but nothing worked. Keep strong too.


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

I went through something very similar. After our 6-week trial separation, which came completely out of the blue for me, I knew she was going to end it a day in advance. I didn't want to. It was a horrible feeling.

The thing is, you have ZERO power to change her mind at this point. If you beg and plead, you'll push her further away. If you use logic and explanation, you'll only galvanize her opinion. She isn't operating on logic. Keep your dignity and accept her decision with grace. Even if you don't care about your dignity now, you will later.

That's the advice that my IC gave me, and I'm glad I followed it. I see the same advice given here frequently. It didn't change my situation, but it had an effect on her. It was the opposite (180) of my previous behavior. More importantly, it had an effect on me.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Once she tells you, you are stoic. 

No emotions. No crying, no pleading, no begging.

You have taken enough of her crap. You can actually beat her to the punch. You tell her today that you are done. That you're not going to live like this anymore. Why wait for her to give you another blow. You let her run you on this. Stop.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

helolover said:


> Once she tells you, you are stoic.
> 
> No emotions. No crying, no pleading, no begging.
> 
> You have taken enough of her crap. You can actually beat her to the punch. You tell her today that you are done. That you're not going to live like this anymore. Why wait for her to give you another blow. You let her run you on this. Stop.


I agree. Since you know it's coming why not beat her to the punch. 

Tell her you've been doing some thinking and you've decided that you'd be better off without her. Leave it at that, don't get baited into a prolonged discussion about the relationship, and don't say you're sorry.


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## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Evolver
thank you good advice.
Helolover
You are right, i have took so much of her crap it is time to be tough


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Help Me Choose said:


> Hi.
> As some of you are aware my partner called off our 20 year relationship in November 2013. We are still living together while she DECIDES wether she wants us to remain a couple, she said just give her some space..Ok, here is the problem.One hour ago i heard her talking to her divorced female friend on her phone ( i came back early) saying that she will 100% finish us this weekend.
> 30 mins ago she has just told me we need to talk when our 13 year old is out this weekend, about us.Well i know it is going to be goodbye due to the phone call.
> I dont want to split due to splitting up with our son but it is out of my hands.
> What do i say back when she tells me? Do i just say ok see you, or do i try to explain it would be best to try again for our son and family? Thank you.


Explain nothing.

"It's not what I think is best, but I will not stand in your way"

Give defiant people what they think they want.


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## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Pictureless
thank you good info again

Conrad
Nice, i like this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Help Me Choose said:


> Pictureless
> thank you good info again
> 
> Conrad
> Nice, i like this.


I've used that line - more than once.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Tell her that if she wants out she moves out by herself and pays you child support. Give her 1 week to gtfo.


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## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Wilderness
Thank you for your advice.


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