# Dealing with financial fallout of husbands EA



## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

I know my husband is having an emotional affair with a younger woman. I found out a little over a year ago when she visited him on a vacation he took with our children while I had to work.
Before then I thought she was just a friend he was helping out.
He, of course, denies that they are anything but friends.


When I found out that she was there during the vacation. I went as soon as possible and of course she acted like she was just visiting and had to go as soon as I arrived. She had taken my daughter's room in our condo for 2 nights. I told him then that I felt this relationship was inappropriate and disrespectful to me. He told me he would end it but didn't. He just doesn't mention her to me unless I ask.

She is a HS drop out with 3 kids that live with her parents. She can't hold a job and won't take the classes she needs for a GED.
My husband helped her locate an apt and furinished it with nice furniture he got from his mom. His mom thought she had paid for it and wanted my husband to keep the money for work he had done. 

Over the summer she lost another job and has been out of work for several months. During this time my husband wanted me to sign for a home equity loan on our home. He said he needed to consolidate his medical bills and credit cards. In the process of filling out the paper work I discovered that he had been taking out cash against our credit card to pay her rent and utility bills.
He also bought her a $200 necklace for her birthday and charged a $125 pair of shoes for her. (who needs a $125 pr of shoes???) He claims that she will pay him back for the bills and shoes but that hasn't happened yet. Of course, I was furious. I don't know what I feel at this point, mostly numb. This has pretty much ruined our finances. 

Needless to say, I did not complete the loan papers. I already pay our house payment and all other required living expenses. We can survive on my pay alone if needed but I refuse to pay his girlfriend's debt for her (or him).

Husband is now laid off and can't pay all of his debts. I am covering as much as I can for him. I am glad I didn't put our home at risk. 
I think my husband is/was attracted to her because of her helpless act. It made him feel good to be someone's hero. He knows that I don't need a hero. However, I have never belittled him or put him down. He just knows that I can take care of myself. It was the way my parents raised me. I did tell him that if she is what he wants to go to her. He is still here. At this point there isn't much of a relationship between us. We are like room mates. I have no one to talk to about this situation so I came looking for a place to vent. Thanks.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It sounds like your husband was/is her sugar daddy.

draconis


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Yep. Now he is all out of sugar but she is still calling his cell phone (that I pay for).


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well it seems that he is still her sugar by proxy through you. 

At best this is the worst Emotional Affair I have ever hear about, but by the sounds of it, it sounds much worse most likely a physical affair. More then that however he is bankrupting you in the process.

draconis


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## take my hand (Nov 26, 2008)

And it sounds like you are his sugar momma...


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

It sounds like her gravy train has been derailed. I think you're already doing the right thing by taking control of your finances. Maybe seperate bank accounts are called for, as well as the practical aspect, it will serve as a warning to your husband.

Incidently you're far more tolerant than I would be.


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

We have had separate bank accounts since I started working 10 yrs ago. I started paying all the big bills when I started to make more than he does. The OW is hopefully out of the picture for good as she has been evicted from her apt and has moved in with her grandparents. 

My life only grows more depressing ... see a new thread on another board for that.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

Does your husband even realise how badly he's behaved? does he still think he was just being totally selfless by getting himself involved with this woman's financial problems?


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

After all this and you still want to be with him?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Obviously you posted your plight for a reason, so I will give you my advice: Lose this so called "husband" yesterday! He obviously cares nothing about your feelings or he wouldn't be supporting another woman with your income. Ultimately, it is your choice, but as an outsider looking in, objectively, I can see exactly what is going on.

I am not judging you, but this is just so wrong of your husband to be using you in this manner. You stated that you can survive with your income, so it seems silly to support your husband and his "friend" instead of putting any extra money into a savings account, IRA or a CD for yourself.

Good luck to you!


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