# "Plan B"



## Smackdown

Get a drink, light a cig it's gonna be a long one.
I come from a broken home, in therapy I learned I hated my father and have refused to allow my life to mirror his life/divorce/death.
I was married for 18 years before I found out she was a cheater. I did 36 weeks of MC w/ no results, she refused to give up her BF and claimed he was just a friend, since he was 2000 miles away I was looking like I was crazy...she did fly out there and have sex w/ him so I wasn't crazy. The last few sessions of MC she was still refusing to give me any passwords or access to her phone. She filed for divorce b/c I was too weak. I talked to the pastor 5 times trying to get help, he told me to file for divorce. I did everything to save my marriage b/c I was afraid of becoming like my dad and I wasn't ready to lead my 4 children down that road of divorce.
Once out of the house (by court order) I decided to start dating, the 1.5 years of her BS made me over her, I was nolonger in love w/ her. I found lots of women who wanted to have sex but I am not like that, no emotions, no sex.
One Friday I had a date w/ this hot little # who wanted to have sex but I was putting it off....I had only been w/ one woman for 20yrs. Well I couldn't get a hold of her so I called a friend b/c I couldn't stay home alone. He tells me to go out w/ his sister so I called her and we did go out.
Char and I hit it off just perfect, I didn't care to even kiss her and she was a good girl and didn't want me all over her...it was good.
On the 4th day I told her I was driving and in my prayers I thanked God for her, she started to cry. She tells me about how the pastor told her the year before to pray for her husband, not the man she wants but the man God has for her. 9mo had passed and she has not found one man who ever told her he prays. I ask her to church on Sunday.
SIDE NOTE: I was just starting my divorce, I felt guilty about being w/ a woman. My wife was back w/ her BF on FB the first week I was out of the house and sleeping around the second week I was gone. She had BFs coming and going, I still don't know where the truth starts and stops. My heart wasn't into a GF w/ sex, I just wanted a friend I could spend time w/. 2 of my girls have medical problems I have a hard time understanding. My wife had told me several times to have sex w/ other women to "even" the score. END NOTE
We walk in church late and the song is "Lord you are our Center" we learned this in MC,God has to be the center of any marriage, I start to cry but I don't let her see. The sermon is on "plan B". The pastor starts by telling us "we all have an idea how life is supposed to go,married, 3 kids, 1.3 dogs, big house and retire in Flordia, that is Plan A....Satan works hard to get between us and God, we have our child die, we get lung cancer, our spouse cheats, we get divorced....(he continues) but it's ok..God will not leave us, he will not forsake us. It's ok to move on w/ ur life, we can't stop living b/c we have cancer, we get help, we can't give up b/c our child dies, we have to move on, if we get divorced we find another wife, God understands!!" I was in tears, I was here for a reason and Char was here w/ me to hear this same message, I look over and she is in tears too... The rest of the sermon was just as good, we had God's word we were in the right. We still went to church every Sunday we could and recived God's message like it was written just for us!
I was still filled w/ guilt b/c the divorce wasn't over. I had my kids one weekend and went to my GF's for a midnight visit and passed by my old house to find my wife had a man over, I had only been gone for a month, he was sleeping w/ my wife in my bed in a house I was paying for. Guilt was gone.
I went to talk to my old pastor and the new pastor just to make sure I was ok to have a GF, both said it wasn't a problem.
I confront my XW about a man in my bed and she tells me the whole story how she picked him up in a bar, gave him oral in the men's room and has been sleeping w/ him whenever his mom isn't home or I have the kids. I called my lawyer and told him I wasn't comfortable w/ a man in my house til after the divorce was over....he follows thru and no more BF for my xwife On our 20th yr anniversary he leaves my XW for her best friend.
Now that was back in Sept, since then I have no idea what she does, I have let that all go b/c the children will figure her out and come live w/ me.
My lawyer warned me against letting the kids meet my GF but when I keep saying my friend they figured out I had a GF...one day my daughter asks to talk to her, I hand her the phone and they become good friends. One day my daughter asks her to come over and bake cookies...what am I supposed to do? She's 15 and wants to bake cookies....so I said yes. I have told 3 of my kids not to lie about my GF but in the same breath mom would be hurt if she knew the kids all loved my GF. The kids told me they do love her, she is wonderful, and they ask if she can be part of their time w/ me.
SIDE NOTE: The XW doesn't like to do things w/ the kids, when she does things w/ them she doesn't smile and acts like she has better things to do. The kids cling to Char b/c she loves kids, she loves to play games and she passes the blessing of the Lord in church while the XW won't.
We all attend church on Sunday and the kids have grown attached to Char so much they bring up marriage and sleeping arrangements when we get a new house after the divorce.


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## Smackdown

The 4th child has mental problems like her mother, they growl @you and are known as "FROWN-E-O's by her family. I have not let her meet Char yet b/c she doesn't like to come over that much and the littlest thing is turned into a major problem. She protects mom w/ her own life over the smallest things. She is only about herself and her mother. My XW won't tell me what she's been diagnosed w/ but I guess BPD, Narcsisst, bipolar, and a few others but I'll never know for sure unless I get permission from her Dr.
The whole family w/ the expection of the MIL has been telling me my XW is the problem, there isn't anything wrong w/ either girl. There have been many times when the girls act just fine til mom shows up....then when she does come around all hell breaks loose!!


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## EleGirl

Smackdown said:


> The 4th child has mental problems like her mother, they growl @you and are known as "FROWN-E-O's by her family. I have not let her meet Char yet b/c she doesn't like to come over that much and the littlest thing is turned into a major problem. She protects mom w/ her own life over the smallest things. She is only about herself and her mother. My XW won't tell me what she's been diagnosed w/ but I guess BPD, Narcsisst, bipolar, and a few others but I'll never know for sure unless I get permission from her Dr.
> The whole family w/ the expection of the MIL has been telling me my XW is the problem, there isn't anything wrong w/ either girl. There have been many times when the girls act just fine til mom shows up....then when she does come around all hell breaks loose!!


Are you the father, birth father, of this 4th child?


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## Smackdown

Yes I am...there is no proof otherwise, they all look like me and are w/o a doubt mine.
The MIL, XW, and possibly my daughter have been sexually asulted by the GrandFather. We suspected the MIL, XW, Aunts, and Sisters but nothing confirmed. Most of the information was kept from me until the divorce was filed and it was too late.


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## EleGirl

If the fourth one is your child, then what you say makes no sense.

Her mother will not tell you what the diagnosis is? You’re her father, call the doctor’s office and find out. Why haven’t you done this already? The other two have medical problems that you have a hard time understanding? Really?
As for the alleged sexual abuse of your daughter… why is it too late to do anything because of the divorce?

Char is not the mother of your children. You are playing music mom’s. Divorce does not mean that you get to pick a new mother for your children. It’s good that your kids like Char. But they have a mother. I can see why your fourth child protects her mother. With your attitude towards their mother I guess she feels someone needs to be loyal to her mother.

Let’s not forget that you married your ex-wife and had 4 children with her. So you CHOSE her as the mother of your children. And now she’s a growling ..whatever?


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## Smackdown

I am sorry I don't keep up w/ what she has this week.....and it does change that quickly.
Only 2 have bipolar/skitfrezya.
The GF died, the X gave my #4 to him to watch after she knew what he had done to his daughter and her sisters.
My MIL went "crazy" @ the age of 40, she ran around town sleeping w/ all kinds of men,I have the tapes, wanna see? My wife did the samething @ the age of 40. My X is in some bar giving a guy oral she just met minutes before she was on her knees. She's bringing these men home.....Don't you think the kids need protection? Like a mouth condum so mommy can kiss them good-night?
The MIL and my X happened to be very respectable women up to the age of 40....I don't understand it and I don't have to, my first job is the kids and their wellbeing.
I was just in a meeting w/ the girls therapist for an hr....mom has/is doing so much damamge to them....she continues b/c she can and she wants control.
Narcississt, look it up. Golden Child VS Scape Goat, mom gets all the attention.
Bring it on, anymore questions? I may not be the best writer but I do have all the information.
Mouse


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## COguy

I think you should be fighting for full custody.......


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## EleGirl

You come here and post. There is a lot of info left out so people will ask you questions to get more info. Then you get angry at people asking you questions for clarity? If you cannot respond politely to people who reach out to you, no one will.

I stated: “If the fourth one is your child, then what you say makes no sense.” That statement is not questioning if she is your biological child. It’s a statement that if she is your child, why are you relying on her mother to find out what her diagnosis is? 

Now you said that two of your children are bipolar and/or schizophrenic? But the diagnosis changes weekly? Who changes the diagnosis weekly? Your ex-wife or their doctor?

You have tapes of your MIL sleeping around with many men? Really? Why do you have these tapes? Why do you hang on to them? This is kind of creepy.

I never said that I don’t think your children need protection. I’m wonder why, if you are their father you do not know what their diagnosis is. What medications are you children taking?

Who diagnosed your wife as a narcissist?


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