# How to convince her?



## Zola

Hi,

I just need some advice. I live in Europe and my girlfriend (and hopefully my wife to be) lives in England. I love her and she loves me. I am planning to live in England with her, but she keeps saying I am too good for her. It seems like she doesn't believe me, which is very annoying and makes me sad.

The problem with her, is the fact she's so insecure. She keeps telling me I am "too good" for her or "too handsome", while I don't think like that, ever, and I reallyyyyyyy love her so much. I don't care what others say about me and her (us!), I just care about her because she has a pure personality and is such a beautiful human being.

I tried everything. Talking, texting, everything, but I can't get rid of her insecurity. 

She is influenced and manipulated soooo soo easy by any other persons. It's highly frustrating and makes me just sad.

Do you guys have any tips, tricks? I would never ask anything like this on a forum or so, but I just want her make feel comfortable so everything will be as good as always. I love her. I don't know how else I can express it to her.


----------



## Ynot

YOU can't convince of her of anything. All you can do is reaffirm what you believe to be true. Tell her she is beautiful, tell her she is smart, tell her she not just good enough, but better than that and then act on your beliefs. She will either internalize it and accept your beliefs or she won't. If she does - great! If she doesn't? Well that is not up to you and you must accept that. I am sure this is not the type of answer you are looking for, but reality says we can never think for someone else or feel for them or have their experiences. So share with her your concerns and if it is meant to be, it will be. If not you know you tried.


----------



## aine

Tell her that her speaking like that actually turns you off, she may think she is being humble when she is not. Tell her how it makes you feel.
If she has major insecurity issues then it may cause relationship problems later on, they usually do.


----------



## Zola

Thanks for the tips! I appreciate it.


----------



## TJW

My first wife told me the same thing. Except, not the "too handsome" part. She framed it as "I'm not good enough for you".

I should have listened to her and believed her. She was trying to tell me of her past promiscuity without hurting my feelings. She understood within herself that she would probably continue her behavior into marriage and create a disaster. That is precisely what happened.

She wanted to marry me because she had a quadriplegic son (cerebral palsy) and I was her only suitor who accepted the boy as my own and loved him like my own son. Other men she dated did not want to take on the responsibility of her son.

Bottom line, I could have continued to be a part of the boy's life without being married to her. I would have been a hell of a lot better off if I had chosen that path. Instead, because I believed in God's redemptive power for all of us, I felt that God would make a way for us to have a happy marriage. At the time, I didn't fully recognize that a person has to WANT God's redemption in order to get it.

I still believe in God's redemptive power. However, I fully learned a painful lesson that He only operates on those who submit to His will.


It just might be the case, if your GF insists upon this, that there is an underlying reason which you should accept as the truth.



Zola said:


> It seems like she doesn't believe me, which is very annoying and makes me sad.


She knows herself better than you know her. Perhaps, you should accept her as the "expert witness", whose testimony comes with greater knowledge and authority than yours.


----------

