# Im surrounded by cheaters!



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I don't follow your post. 

So the single divorced mom isn't allowed to have sex with another single man? Or are you saying the married minister was in her bedroom?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Whatever you do, don't let the cop/Marine dude marry this woman w/o first clueing him in on your suspicions, along w/ what you saw and heard when you stopped by to check on your friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GuyInColorado said:


> I don't follow your post.
> 
> So the single divorced mom isn't allowed to have sex with another single man?


Well, she's engaged to the cop/Marine, sooo...



GuyInColorado said:


> Or are you saying the married minister was in her bedroom?


That's how I read it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mormons have a lay ministry. (I know beside the point) Any mormon using mormon authority to perform a marriage (and some do have that authority, also need state licence) would be the equivalent of a part time minister.

To the point Any married, or committed man who is doing yoga with another woman alone has serious boundary problems. Or in other words, A cheater waiting to happen. 

I'm sorry you are in such a mess. The bright sunlight of exposure is the only cure for the festering rot of infidelity.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> pressing my ear against the door i heard her daughter as them (What are you dong in your room mommy?)


That is just so sad to hear. I feel sorry for the kids. They might not understand now, but they will when they get older and think back.

Yoga! Right.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> I don't follow your post.
> 
> So the single divorced mom isn't allowed to have sex with another single man? Or are you saying the married minister was in her bedroom?


Yeah, I got lost too... Sounded like a summary for a week of "The Young and The Restless."


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It's probably the new version of yoga. Called poga yoga. Usually performed under the sheets.

I would imagine it gets kinda hot and sweaty.

Sorry you had to witness that.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Stars,

This is a serious question to you. Do you think that there is cheating in almost every marriage at some point?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> Thats what it feels like. (More like All my children) First this weekend about learning of the crap with my mother in Law, and now this with my friends. I just wanted to make sure i was not projecting or jumping to unreasonable conclusions.


I wouldn't know. My STBXW, She Who Shall Be Feared And Obeyed But Must Never Be Named watches Y&R. I avoid them like the plague. I have a theory-I can watch one episode tomorrow and come back and watch another episode 4/7/17 and not have missed a thing...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Well you cannot absolutely know for sure. 

It is up to you if you want to lose friends over what you see or think you see.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

threelittlestars said:


> Nah, not a minister, but he can preform marriages. Probably some online course.
> 
> Okay, clarify, 2 different situations, all happened in the last few days.
> 
> ...


Those online ordinations are now no longer legally valid in nearly all US States.

Such a marriage would not be 'genuine' to use an expression.

If he is a Mormon he would be on shaky ground as I doubt they can just marry anyone.

He would be an Elder or a High Priest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Well you cannot absolutely know for sure.
> 
> It is up to you if you want to lose friends over what you see or think you see.


do you really believe nothing is going on ?

Further, since it's quite obvious that something is amiss, I would like to think 3littlestars wouldn't want to be friends with a woman who has a military guy fully committed to ehr while she affairs behind his back and then will use him a a sugar daddy.

BTW, MT SAHD needs to get outed as well. 

Therefore, he should demand she come clean or he reports to Mr. 4 month training dude


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

wmn1 said:


> do you really believe nothing is going on ?
> 
> Further, since it's quite obvious that something is amiss, I would like to think 3littlestars wouldn't want to be friends with a woman who has a military guy fully committed to ehr while she affairs behind his back and then will use him a a sugar daddy.
> 
> ...


Stars may be 100% right but only conjucture at this point and only because she has the "perception" to spot this. OP can decide to stop being their friend but my concern if she raised the cheating flag and she is wrong about the cheating, then the consequences for both couples is immense. (and if she is right, the consequences are immense too of course)

I am not debating the "right" or "obligation" to out another. 

She does NOT know FOR SURE regardless of what she saw. Now, she can talk to the affected parties and "threaten" to expose if they do not, but SHE should not expose the "yoga affair" to the "betrayed"


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Those online ordinations are now no longer legally valid in nearly all US States.
> 
> Such a marriage would not be 'genuine' to use an expression.
> 
> ...


It is actually a lot more complicated than that. I'm doing some quick research. Most states allow any recognized member of the clergy to perform marriages, but the state issues the licence. 

As far as the Mormon question, there is a tricky condition. Most Mormon men are ordained, and if activity participating in the church ordained to the higher priesthood. That means that an Elder or High priest would have the priesthood to perform a marriage, but they would not have the permission. In practice a civil marriage (Mormons do have another marriage) would only be performed by a Bishop. It would certainly not be performed without the bishops permission, and without more research I'm not sure there would be any reason that a bishop would be allowed to allow that. 

To the OP if your Mormon acquaintance is indeed committing adultery he will not have any Church based authority. 



Docterine and Covenants section 121 said:


> 36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.
> 
> 37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.


Thanks for indulging this side trip.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Stars may be 100% right but only conjucture at this point and only because she has the "perception" to spot this. OP can decide to stop being their friend but my concern if she raised the cheating flag and she is wrong about the cheating, then the consequences for both couples is immense. (and if she is right, the consequences are immense too of course)
> 
> I am not debating the "right" or "obligation" to out another.
> 
> She does NOT know FOR SURE regardless of what she saw. Now, she can talk to the affected parties and "threaten" to expose if they do not, but SHE should not expose the "yoga affair" to the "betrayed"


I understand the first two paragraphs and yes, the consequences could be immense but I feel that not disclosing a potential affair right before marriage could lead to greater ruin and right now, my concern is for threelittlestars living in guilt for not exposing. I strongly disagree about your last line. The yoga affair should be exposed. If I was on assignment for 4 months and my wife had some guy over at my house daily doing 'yoga', you bet your ass I would want to know. In the end, it's all on her friend for having miserable boundaries if nothing is going on and for cheating if that's what she is doing (and that's where my $ is). Now yes, there's always the chance that military guy knows but then why the secretive nature of the meeting at the house ? Were they practicing embarrassing 'yoga' moves ?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

threelittlestars said:


> First, I do believe now that there COULD be an affair.
> 
> No proof means i WILL not expose. Nor will i do anything to end the friendship with these people now. But i don't know how comfortable i am being ditched at the park while they canoodle. I CAN bring that up, and they may chose to not include me on their ventures out and about.
> 
> ...


^This^ is why you need to expose.

And as for your friend? Dump her either way. She's terrible.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did you ask her why she was not in the park? Did you mention that you stopped by her house and saw the two cars and wanted to make sure everything was ok? (Just hinting you know something?)


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> To the point Any married, or committed man who is doing yoga with another woman alone has serious boundary problems. Or in other words, A cheater waiting to happen.


Yeah, I'm very suspicious of exactly how they do downward dog!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> I don't like this guys. This is a super weird place to be. Thinking you know, but not knowing and lacking the proof to show others what you know.
> 
> I do intend on telling BS's if I get anymore proof... if not but i still know in my gut? Im not going to remain friends.












This ones nice, but it sounds terrible.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

threelittlestars said:


> I know. Even just ditching me was enough to end the friendship really, but after the experience i had i kinda don't want to feel crazy... I want proof and without it i feel like i could be imagining things. I need proof... (With the intention of exposure) but i debate whether that is really healthy for me right now?
> 
> Is it healthy of me to snoop or to look for the opportunity to find out more? Or just see what i think is uncomfortable and end the friendship now..??
> 
> Im kinda torn. I DONT have enough yet to expose. But is it wrong for me to get proof? None of my business? Thoughts? Cause I'm torn between what I should do.


I wouldn't worry w/ any further snooping or sleuthing. (If it were your own marriage/relationship my advice would be different.)

Just tell the guy what you've seen. He's a cop, so he'll have means at his disposal -- as well as access to people and tools -- that will allow him to get to tell truth himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> It is actually a lot more complicated than that. I'm doing some quick research. Most states allow any recognized member of the clergy to perform marriages, but the state issues the licence.
> 
> As far as the Mormon question, there is a tricky condition. Most Mormon men are ordained, and if activity participating in the church ordained to the higher priesthood. That means that an Elder or High priest would have the priesthood to perform a marriage, but they would not have the permission. In practice a civil marriage (Mormons do have another marriage) would only be performed by a Bishop. It would certainly not be performed without the bishops permission, and without more research I'm not sure there would be any reason that a bishop would be allowed to allow that.
> 
> ...


But only in the USA. Mormon Bishops in the UK have no authority to marry anyone. 

I assumed they are in the USA, however.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> I understand the first two paragraphs and yes, the consequences could be immense but I feel that not disclosing a potential affair right before marriage could lead to greater ruin and right now, my concern is for threelittlestars living in guilt for not exposing. I strongly disagree about your last line. The yoga affair should be exposed. If I was on assignment for 4 months and my wife had some guy over at my house daily doing 'yoga', you bet your ass I would want to know. In the end, it's all on her friend for having miserable boundaries if nothing is going on and for cheating if that's what she is doing (and that's where my $ is). Now yes, there's always the chance that military guy knows but then why the secretive nature of the meeting at the house ? Were they practicing embarrassing 'yoga' moves ?


As others have said, it is NOT the OP's place to go about ruining lives on the basis of a suspicion.

The OP has several alternatives. One is to drop the "cheaters" as friends. Another is to have a quiet word with the individuals involved. They will almost certainly deny though. A third is to tell the cheated upon men what he thinks is going on.

I am against option three.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> But only in the USA. Mormon Bishops in the UK have no authority to marry anyone.
> 
> I assumed they are in the USA, however.


In the US a legal marriage can only be certified by the State. Religion has nothing to do with it.

Many civil servants are allowed to take care of the certification. Examples are Judges, Mayors, etc. In addition lay persons can apply for permission to certify a marriage. This permission is usually temporary and the procedure for becoming certified varies from state to state.

This has led to certain confusions in the US. For example a minister can certify a marriage. But in doing so he's filling two roles. First he's performing a religious ceremony (which in itself carries no weight in the US) AND he's performing a civil ceremony by certifying the marriage. So it is often said that "the marriage" was performed by that minister and it was, but not in his role as minister. That's for the religious ceremony, if any.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> As others have said, it is NOT the OP's place to go about ruining lives on the basis of a suspicion.
> 
> The OP has several alternatives. One is to drop the "cheaters" as friends. Another is to have a quiet word with the individuals involved. They will almost certainly deny though. A third is to tell the cheated upon men what he thinks is going on.
> 
> I am against option three.


Why?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

threelittlestars said:


> Im honestly NOT comfortable snooping. Nor am i comfortable staying friends. *BUT if i just drop them an awkward conversation is BOUND to happen.*
> 
> For the time being because i was so torn they invited us out today and i went. No weirdness today, but ya... I don't know.
> 
> I don't know what I'm going to do yet. But I'm not going to inform ANYONE of anything unless i got more to go on. I got NADA.


Neither of them is _entitled_ to your friendship. You'd owe them no explanation whatsoever if you chose to speak w/ neither of them ever again.

And you've actually got quite a bit.

If you want more, though, maybe drive by a couple of times a day and take note of when the car is there.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You have a car in the drive and a child asking a question. That is all. Maybe they really do yoga. 

Your dilemma is what are you going to do next? You are right. You have NADA. Go about friendship as normal. Do not snoop. If new evidence comes on its own, then act.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> You have a car in the drive and a child asking a question. That is all. Maybe they really do yoga.
> 
> Your dilemma is what are you going to do next? You are right. You have NADA. Go about friendship as normal. Do not snoop. If new evidence comes on its own, then act.


LOL. That was a pretty damning question.

Plus, they didn't hear her?

I'm sure they didn't.

But _why_?


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## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

You can ask the boyfriend cop to VAR her car. Send him an anonymous letter?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are friends with a woman that has a cop boyfriend who treats her like a Queen and who pays for her schooling while she sits on her ass at home and collects a gov. Check and child support and confesses that she has no intention of ever working?

Now she's got yoga do-nothing dad coming over doing yoga everyday and they're locked up in the bedroom and you feel you have nothing as evidence?
They're not doing yoga locked up in the bedroom. They are just checking each other for ticks or something. The "or something" is the problem. 
This is bothering you because you know it's all wrong and are turning your back to it. 

I personally think you should tell the cop what you've seen, and let him come to his own conclusions. I also would tell him she has no intention of using her degree to get a job-- ever. This woman is a user at best, a cheating user at worst.

You aren't losing much when you lose her as a friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I'm in favor of telling Cop and potential BS exactly what you saw and heard. Investigating and getting proof isn't something you're really in a position to do. You can't check phone records, emails, texts, social media messages, etc. But the Cop and potential BS can. You can't ask the kids questions about what they've seen, either, but the Cop and potential BS can. Tell them what you know, what you suspect based on that hinky feeling, that you don't have proof of anything, but that you think they should keep quiet and start digging, then let them handle it.

If the fiance and SAHD have anything to say about it, explain that their behavior IS suspicious and that if they don't want speculation as to the nature of their relationship they should not behave in what anyone would call a suspicious manner. Because I don't care who you are, being closed up in a bedroom with an opposite sex "friend" after not appearing for an arranged meeting is pretty damn supicious.

When I was dating DH, I couldn't tell you how many times we nipped into the bedroom or bathroom for a quick make out session or quickie sex while the kids played or watched TV. I could serve the kids lunch and be back before the juice boxes were empty.

They meet frequently for "yoga". They failed to show up to an arranged play date. They didn't respond to you when you tried to get ahold of them. They were in a bedroom alone when you got there. It's fairly obvious they weren't getting the kids ready to leave or at least one of them would have been with the kids. I think you have enough to justify telling what you know and let the potential betrayeds take it from there.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> As others have said, it is NOT the OP's place to go about ruining lives on the basis of a suspicion.
> 
> The OP has several alternatives. One is to drop the "cheaters" as friends. Another is to have a quiet word with the individuals involved. They will almost certainly deny though. A third is to tell the cheated upon men what he thinks is going on.
> 
> I am against option three.


First of all, I think this is borderline more than suspicion.

Secondly, I did suggest what you said above - i.e. drop them as friends and/or tell him what she thinks is going on. But staying silent is not an option IMO for threelittlestars and neither is being a friend to a cheater who is using this military guy for stability while (potentially) getting banged by another guy.

Further, I disagree. It would not be OP who is destroying other people's lives, it's her friend by her actions.

I am here looking out for threelittlestars and telling her that she doesn't have to put up with being in this situation and it's always my opinion to expose. if I was military guy, I would want to know and threelittlestars doesn't want to be the toxic friend who enabled this thing

It's not like she is going three towns over and bugging people's houses. This is her inner circle of friends who she is part of. Different story


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> I wouldn't worry w/ any further snooping or sleuthing. (If it were your own marriage/relationship my advice would be different.)
> 
> Just tell the guy what you've seen. He's a cop, so he'll have means at his disposal -- as well as access to people and tools -- that will allow him to get to tell truth himself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This !!!!!! I agree with Gus completely


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> You are friends with a woman that has a cop boyfriend who treats her like a Queen and who pays for her schooling while she sits on her ass at home and collects a gov. Check and child support and confesses that she has no intention of ever working?
> 
> Now she's got yoga do-nothing dad coming over doing yoga everyday and they're locked up in the bedroom and you feel you have nothing as evidence?
> They're not doing yoga locked up in the bedroom. They are just checking each other for ticks or something. The "or something" is the problem.
> ...


I agree with Evin here. You have circumstantial evidence but a lot of it.

he is also right, threelittlestars. You are turning your back to it. Don't be that enabling friend. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't bothering you ethically and morally.

However, continuing the friendship with them while wearing blinders is no way to live or at least I couldn't act fake. the fact that you went out with them after this incident tells me that you are willing to be the 'clueless or overtrusting' friend. 

Your friend is no friend. She is using and abusing this guy. I am compelled to feel that he is a federal officer probably going to Glynco, Georgia because no local or state cops go away for further training for 4 months or so unless he has a job elsewhere and she's moving with him at some point.

I would expose to Mr. Yoga's wife that he's over there everyday. She is in a position to hire a PI and scope out the house and she can hammer this guy with papers and take control. I would expose to the Cop as well. he can get a few days of leave from his training and surprise them at home while they are doing their 'yoga'. Nothing sucks worth than being away and getting screwed over which you will eventually find out about. Don't believe me ? I am a cop who moved away to go to the academy and saw her as often as I could (3x a month) and I got screwed over and yes - her friends knew about it and I considered them the enemy as I dispatched the cheating wife from my life forever. She tried to blame me for taking the job elsewhere even though she fully encouraged it. I am much better without her in my life. Don't be that enabling friend. 

In the end, based on her using this guy and based on her saying 'she is going to act single', why do you going to be friends with this person anyway ? Who is next on her hit list ? Your husband ? 

Once you feel that you can't be this person's friend anymore, which you said you couldn't be, then drop the bomb and feel good about stepping to the plate and knocking two deviants back to Kingdom Come.

I KNOW THIS SEEMS STRONG AND MORE THAN YOU ARE WILLING TO DO BUT ARE YOU GOING TO IGNORE YOUR OWN VALUES AND DO NOTHING ?

You were right coming here to get our opinions. I think you know what you need to do


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You do not know that BOTH of them were in the bedroom. The child only referenced mommy (not that she would mention the man though, i get it.)

We here are hypersensitive to detect cheating. Is it possible that we see cheating where there is none?

Stars, 

View this as if you were a member of a jury. There are two types of trials - criminal or civil. With criminal, you really need to be sure the person is guilty. You do not want to send an innocent person to prison. For civil, you a really only need to be 51% sure to rule for one person or another.

How do you see this? As a "criminal" or as a "civil" matter? If you see this as "criminal" you do not have enough to act. If you see this as "civil", then you have enough to move forward with the involved parties. Whatever you do it needs to be all in. If you have enough suspicion to notify the cop or others, then you drop the friends and tell them why. 

BTW, I still cannot believe you can hear that well enough though an exterior entry door to understand a child's voice at a different internal doorway. Also, does everyone know these two meet for yoga? Is that publicly mentioned?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> You do not know that BOTH of them were in the bedroom. The child only referenced mommy (not that she would mention the man though, i get it.)
> 
> We here are hypersensitive to detect cheating. Is it possible that we see cheating where there is none?
> 
> ...


Blue, I agree with you a lot here but not on this one.

The deal is that this isn't a court of law although I would say that if this was a criminal trial, there would be more than enough circumstantial evidence to get many jurors to convict. Civil trial ? yes, there is definitely a preponderance of the evidence in this case.

Look, there's no Yoga going on here. This woman even said she was going to act single. That's obviously what she's doing.

Further, I think the reference was clear that Mom was in the bedroom. Where was the guy ? Doing dishes or throwing the frisbee to the dog in the back yard ?

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

threelittle should at least let this guy who is being used big time (the military guy) know that Mr. Player is in his house everyday doing yoga with his wife. if he accepts or chooses to believe that, that's on him. Player's wife should know as well since it wouldn't be the first time Mr SAHD is cheating while the wife is at work killing herself or vice versa.

there are only three people I really give a $hit about here and neither ones are those doing 'Yoga'. It's the guy who is in my field getting screwed over, it's the guy's wife who is entrusting himself to behave himself (in all probability) while he's out with another woman who hinted that she would cheat and doing 'yoga' in her house and threelittlestars who is put in a position to dump her toxic friend, shut up and be fake and play nice while ignoring things or to believe the opposite of what she truly believes.

To answer your question, yes in some cases we see cheating where there is none. I don't think this is one of those cases. JMO


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Did you ask why they were not at the park. It was rude of them to stand you up. It gives you a reason to pry. What were they doing that was so important that they couldn't make it. If it was something like a 'dental cleaning' why didn't they inform you that they cancelled. There is no such thing as an emergency dental cleaning.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> They're not doing yoga locked up in the bedroom.


There are number of yoga poses that are awesome sex positions. Several are excellent to get her off quickly. (downward dog and lotus for example)


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

you can't worry about blowing up his world if there is an affair. because he will come back in 4 months in a great state of mind and ready to move forward in life just to have it blown up in his face. It's like dragging out a divorce as you continue to earn $$. All you are doing is building the pot for the soon to be ex to take from. Same here. The longer this guy is allowed to believe that his wife is being good to him at home and the better he feels about his life and his job, the harder his crash will be when he finds out. he deserves to be told something. he sounds like a great guy. he deserves better


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

threelittlestars said:


> I have been religiously invited to their Yoga sessions. Every one of them. I have chosen not too, because i have other responsibilities.
> 
> As to the cop. He WAS a federal cop here in our state, but found it boring and not active so he switched to state. The state I'm in has different requirements that the state he originally trained for. Plus he is hoping to go on the bomb squad. He is a great guy who has i guess (dragged) her about. I think she is selfish, but at the same time i feel her boyfriend is a bit ADD. so there is some issues that if they communicated it might be worked out.
> 
> ...


good for opening the line of communication with the wife of Mr Yoga man


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

SO, this is simple. Wait until they're in the middle of one of their yoga sessions and barge in and say-- "hey, I decided I DID want to try the yoga thing today! Can I join in? 
You probably won't want to "join in".........

Or, you could make a couple of calls to yoga man's house and hope you get his wife and ask her "Hey, is Roscoe going over to Velma's house for yoga again tomorrow? I was hoping to join in tomorrow..
If she's stupid enough to let her husband go over to a single woman's house every day, then that's on her, I think. But you would have done your part to let her know in a way that is blameless on you.

There's plenty of ways to get this out in the open and discover what's really going on, without feeling like an idiot OR having to turn your back on disgustingly bad behavior. 
The thing your friend said about keeping it a secret from the cop that she was going to school and letting him pay for it without any intention of getting a job, makes her a total scumbag to me. That's the kind of devious, selfish, narcissistic woman that would cheat.

Just my opinion,


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

They are gaslighting you.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> Inappropriate YES, and worth mentioning.


Worth mentioning to whom? The "cheaters" or the "betrayed"?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

There is no way I would even let the "alleged" cheaters know I was on to them. That gives them the opportunity to deny and go underground. You don't have "proof" yet, but your gut is telling you what you saw.

I would most certainly let the SAHD's wife know that her husband is over at her house every day doing yoga. She may not have any idea that he is even supposedly doing yoga. Let her figure it out after that.

I would most certainly try to see if my instincts were right about the OM (the minister?) and the friend. Chances are very good that your gut is right about this, too. At the very least, I would sit and have a one-on-one with the cop and tell him that the OM has been over at his house with his fiance' while he's been away, and that it "feels" or "looks" wrong to you.

Doing those two things will get the ball rolling, and get you out of the loop without saying affairs are going on. After that it's up to the individual alleged BS to follow up.

Kids involved or not, I would drop this "friend" (the user) because she is the worst kind of person, even if she isn't sleeping with the OM. I wouldn't want my kids to be around a person who is single but engaged, yet has other men at her house regularly, and is obviously using her fiance' as a doormat. She's not a good example for kids, in my opinion.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Why?


Option Three was:


> A third is to tell the cheated upon men what he thinks is going on.


And I'm against it because he has no proof. There may well be something going on, but without proof he's possibly wrongly wrecking lives.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> Option Three was:
> 
> 
> And I'm against it because he has no proof. There may well be something going on, but without proof he's possibly wrongly wrecking lives.


If nothing's going on then the woman in question will say as much and will have a credible defense against any accusations of inappropriate behavior.

Additionally, any investigation that the cop may choose to undertake upon being tipped off will uncover nothing of consequence.

Would your onion change if she actually _had_ incontrovertible proof?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sidney2718 said:


> Option Three was:
> 
> 
> And I'm against it because he has no proof. There may well be something going on, but without proof he's possibly wrongly wrecking lives.


this isn't a criminal trial Sidney !!!!!!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

The TAM motto "Cheating until proven innocent."


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

SO SAHD's wife and Mr Cop don't know that their respective partners are doing yoga alone together daily?

If it's being hidden from them, it's a yellow flag, bordering on red since they're doing yoga of all things. . . hmmmm...

Can't imagine they were up to antics in the bedroom with the kids there. I would be uncomfortable with my kids going for playdates there & have them wondering why SAHD was in her bedroom. Her own kid even asked! If she was comfortable enough to have him her bedroom. . . well. . . 

And she said she was going to behave like a single woman while Mr Cop is away on a work assignment? Like it's HIS fault he has to be away with work? Cos even with what you know now OP, she ain't behaving like someone who has a fiancé. 

Initially I thought don't tell their partners because you don't have proof. Now I think they both deserve to know what you do but be sure to tell them that you do NOT know for sure, that you DON"T want to sound irrational but if you were in their shoes you would want to be told how their partners are behaving, 'when the cat's away'. 

Wouldn't you? I would. 

I think I'd be rethinking my friendship, if only because she said she was going to act like a single woman when he was away. Your husband could be next! Only joking, but still. . . I have no time for people like her.

Sorry you're caught in the middle. Not a nice place to be.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Tell the other parties concerned that the yoga sessions are in the bedroom with the door closed!


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

threelittlestars said:


> Both partners are AWARE of the Yoga, but i am not sure they are aware I am not attending at the house. I have only joined them at the park. I prefer to do yoga alone for the most part anyway.
> 
> I think the Partners may be unaware of the regularity or the intimacy that there seems to be.
> 
> Just clarifying that everyone is aware of the yoga sessions. I just don't know if everyone knows the full truth about the sessions.


Hmmmmm. Gets even trickier. My guess is the partners think you 3 do the yoga in the park. Not every day at home, just the 2 of them. Mighty big difference there. Let's face it, no matter how good the marriage is, what partner would be happy with their spouse doing yoga at home with someone of the opposite sex. If I asked 20 friends, I know what they'd say. And those poses - sheesh . In a way, you may be being used as cover. 

So even given that, I still think you may need to have a chat with the (possible) BS s, especially since you may be an inadvertent wingman. Again, you must stress you may be making a mountain out of a molehill. On the other hand you could make a joke out of it & say while laughing, "Gee, I wish I could polish up my yoga more but your (wife/fiancé) practice more at at wife's house but I just don't have enough time to join them."
Or even better, weave into the conversation, 'You know I actually prefer to do yoga on my own so I don't join them any more for yoga sessions."
Main thing is Mr Cop doesn't marry her unless he knows exactly her predilection for getting 'over-friendly' with members of the opposite sex. 
As always I say, what if Mr Cop was going to yoga classes daily alone with a woman. . . 
I see it a million times over on TAM, in these 'maybe' situations. If the roles were reversed. . . You get my drift. 
Again, horrible for you to be in the middle & I don't mean to be telling you that you should tell them. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes & say what I think I would do, which I might not if I was in it
IMPORTANT: An alternative is to cut your ties with the whole damn lot of them because they are NOT adding value to your life. You have your own partner & kids to be there for, & not have this preying on you which it clearly is. So think of your good self too!
Major kudos to you for posting for advice & putting time into it. You're a very kind person. Not enough of those around.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Pretty sad. That just sucks


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