# Coworker passed away on his way to work yesterday...



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

It will be pretty sombre around here for the next few days at least.

But is it just me or does anybody else do this...it makes me think about my own mortality and feel anxious about something happening to myself or those close to me??

He was killed on his motorcycle driving into work..a vehicle coming the opposite way ran into him. I don't even ride motorcycles yet I still feel just the fact that he was doing something mundane that we all do just commuting to work somehow makes me feel sick about all the bad things that can happen

I have this anxious unsettled feeling in my gut since I heard yesterday.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That is really sad. Sorry to hear that.

Yes, when someone we have close contact with dies, it does make you wonder about life and when your day will be.

Enjoy it to the fullest!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear that It's a shame some people really just don't pay attention when they're in their cars anymore.

I think it's normal to have anxious feelings about our fragile existence when someone we know passes suddenly. It might even be healthy to experience those feelings.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

highwood said:


> But is it just me or does anybody else do this...it makes me think about my own mortality and feel anxious about something happening to myself or those close to me??


I think everyone is the same way. A few months ago I lost a very close friend. We were at a campground and she went for her daily jog. She had a heart attack, she was only 47 (my age) It was horrible, but it also made my husband and I appreciate each other and life a little more. You are never promised tomorrow.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think we all take a lot for granted, highwood.

Good opportunity to reach out to the people you love, and let them know it.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Thanks all! I was saying to my sister yesterday that I wish someone would give me a guarantee that I will live until a nice old age and just pass away from old age. TImes like this the fragility of life freaks me out.

I think though that my worst fear is something happening to my son..it is scary when your kid is an adult as they are out and about on their own and you worry more than you did when they were little. 

It was a 24 year old girl driving the vehicle that hit him...she is slightly injured..they said on the news that charges are possibly pending. It was on a two lane highway so she crossed into the other lane.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I understand how you feel. Last Tuesday we lost a friend when he had a heart attack working out. He was 53 years old, my husbands age. At the funeral as I just kept thinking about his widow and three children that he left behind.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

So Sorry. My daughter was in a car accident this morning. If her car had not stopped on the guard rail, she may not be here. It's so scary to think how your life can be over in the blink of an eye. I think we all take life for granted.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I know it also puts fear in me for a little while as well...scared to drive, etc. But I know that will pass and life goes on.

Even for that 24 year old girl her life has changed forever too...especially if she was texting or talking on the phone. Yikes.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sorry to hear

This happened at my work few years back. Guys I used to talk to on regular basis (manager of cafe) died on the way to work on a bike.

crazy

I also lost a really good friend to a bike accident when I was 18. I was never into bikes and since then, I told myself I never will be.

# of reasons
- I don't trust myself with a object that can accelerate faster than just about any car
- I don't trust people around me <<<,this it the big one. Crap I see on the road on daily basis....there is NO WAY IN HELL I would ride a bike. People changing lanes without looking...pulling out etc.
- and last, if I was to ride a bike, I would HAVE to do it with helmet and suit. Riding a bike with a helmet and suit in hot sun is the opposite of fun to me

No bikes for me, EVER


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

The thing with bikes is you have zero protection...no seatbelt, airbags, etc.

At least with a car you are more protected.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I think too it is just the randomness of it all...guy got up in the morning thinking it was going to be a normal average day going to work and then within seconds his life is over.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I take the bike to work most days during the summer... and yeah, morning rush hour is the worst. A billion people who didn't leave early enough flying through traffic to get to work on time... or women putting on makeup in their cars.

I generally tell new riders to always assume everyone is *trying* to kill you. Some days it really feels like they are.

In 16 years of riding, 4 people I know have been killed by other drivers - all on cruisers. Us sportbike guys usually do it to ourselves.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Sorry to hear about this, highwood.

I got rear ended on my motorcycle four years ago... it was the Friday before the Labour Day long weekend, it was a beautiful afternoon and I was on my way home from work imagining all the fun I was going to have over the next three days. I was only bruised (and it was right next to a hospital!) but wow, it was scary because she simply was not looking. It was a yield sign and she drove right into the back of me because "I thought you'd gone" so she was looking down the road for the next gap in traffic.

Many collisions you can prevent with good observation but you can't account for something as stupid and careless as that.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Plus texting, etc.

My sister was saying that she sees people texting all the time especially young people she said she was going to start taking license plates and reporting it to the police.

HOpefully if they get a warning it might put some fear into them.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

All it takes is taking your eyes off the road for a few seconds and then your life and someone else's changes forever.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Jetranger said:


> Sorry to hear about this, highwood.
> 
> I got rear ended on my motorcycle four years ago... it was the Friday before the Labour Day long weekend, it was a beautiful afternoon and I was on my way home from work imagining all the fun I was going to have over the next three days. I was only bruised (and it was right next to a hospital!) but wow, it was scary because she simply was not looking. It was a yield sign and she drove right into the back of me because "I thought you'd gone" so she was looking down the road for the next gap in traffic.
> 
> Many collisions you can prevent with good observation but you can't account for something as stupid and careless as that.


I've heard so many of those stories its not funny! Anytime you slow down / stop, gotta check those mirrors... and never sit still in neutral at a stop light until the car behind you comes to a stop - you gotta stay in gear and be ready to move into the intersection if necessary in case they don't see you.

Its crazy. I've avoided two rear endings by zipping into the intersection. There's usually room. Both times the driver got out and said they were so sorry, didn't notice the me or even the light - they were on autopilot. They slammed the brakes but would have hit me if I hadn't been ready to move - there wasn't enough room for them to swerve to avoid me.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking you swerve and hit the curb, roadside object, or parallel parked car before you bowl over a motorcyclist... but nooooo... they'll take the motorcyclist every time.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I take the bike to work most days during the summer... and yeah, morning rush hour is the worst. A billion people who didn't leave early enough flying through traffic to get to work on time... or women putting on makeup in their cars.


There is no flying through rush hour traffic around here. It's more like crawling, if you're lucky.



> I generally tell new riders to always assume everyone is *trying* to kill you. Some days it really feels like they are.


I feel like that about bicyclists when I am in my car. I know they aren't trying to kill me, but they sure do everything possible to make me kill them and ruin both our lives. Weaving through traffic in between lanes, riding next to traffic on super-busy streets with no bike lanes, not stopping at stop signs, speeding around corners into my lane without looking...

OP, use your anxiety to appreciate every day and every sweet moment in your life. None of us know when our number will be up, but we all know when life is sweet and to be savored.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so sorry  Motorcycles scare me, because no matter how careful you are and how safe you think you are on one, all it takes is someone driving another vehicle to take their eyes off the road for a split second and you can be killed. Motorcycle riders are SO vulnerable.

A neighbour and good friend of my parents was killed riding his motorcycle a few years ago. He was also in his 50's, and a safe riding teacher. You couldn't find someone more knowledgeable about how to be safe on a motorcycle. He and some riding buddies were in the mountains on a windy (paved) road when it looks like he just hit something the wrong way. No one saw it happen because he was ahead around a curve. When his buddies rounded the corner he was already dead - he had been launched into the air directly at a pole, which he hit at full speed and died instantly.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Whoa, sending Aloha your way.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> I am so sorry  Motorcycles scare me, because no matter how careful you are and how safe you think you are on one, all it takes is someone driving another vehicle to take their eyes off the road for a split second and you can be killed. Motorcycle riders are SO vulnerable.
> 
> A neighbour and good friend of my parents was killed riding his motorcycle a few years ago. He was also in his 50's, and a safe riding teacher. You couldn't find someone more knowledgeable about how to be safe on a motorcycle. He and some riding buddies were in the mountains on a windy (paved) road when it looks like he just hit something the wrong way. No one saw it happen because he was ahead around a curve. When his buddies rounded the corner he was already dead - he had been launched into the air directly at a pole, which he hit at full speed and died instantly.


Exactly what happened to my friend....


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Everyone feels this way after a death. Its not how old you get, but how you spend the time you have that counts.

Instead of questioning when your time will come and thinking of your mortality. Be grateful you are here now and be happy. This death is a reminder that life should be cherished and to go out and make the most of it. In the end all of life's drama and complications mean nothing so never let the day to day challenges and occasional bad days drag you down.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

norajane said:


> There is no flying through rush hour traffic around here. It's more like crawling, if you're lucky.


I live in a medium sized city... so heavy traffic, but not so much as to prevent it from flowing rather quickly. A lot of cars, moving at speed, and plenty of people weaving back and forth from lane to lane trying to make up time; people jumping into traffic from sidestreets; people trying to beat redlights. The worst is if a traffic snarl does begin... we have a lot of curvy/hilly roads here. The full speed dense traffic hits the stopped traffic coming around the bend or over the hill... and bad things happen. In those moments, people always opt to push the motorcyclist (me) out of his lane to avoid rear-ending the stopped car in front of them. In that snap judgment, they don't realize the extreme risk to me... on a motorcycle. They only realize its better for them to avoid the large car in front of them. A fender bender for them and that other car vs potentially killing me. I've been run off into ditches, had to dodge cars about to rear end me, had to dodge intersection traffic that had a redlight, had to dodge cars pulling out who never see me (this is most common)... seriously, you have to have a mindset that everyone is *going* to do that really stupid thing you think they'd never do.

Morning rush hour often feels like navigating an asteroid belt. "Never tell me the odds."


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I've heard so many of those stories its not funny! Anytime you slow down / stop, gotta check those mirrors... and never sit still in neutral at a stop light until the car behind you comes to a stop - you gotta stay in gear and be ready to move into the intersection if necessary in case they don't see you.


We had crept up to this yield sign in traffic, stopping and starting, so she'd been behind me for a few minutes.

I had buddy who lived up the street from me, he lived riding, would always invite me to come out with his riding buddies. On one of these trips I lost it on a corner, totalled my bike, hurt my leg. He felt extremely guilty because he'd invited me, I told him not to worry, I was okay.

Once my leg was better, I bought another bike and took it out to a biker hangout where I happened to encounter him. I showed him my new ride, and he was glad I was back in the saddle and invited me to come out the following weekend with them. I couldn't make it as I had to work.

While at work that following weekend, I was thinking it was a crappy day for a ride anyway, what with the rain. I was poking around the club forum we were both members of when a new message was posted. He'd crashed. Lost his grip in the wet on a corner, slid into the path of an oncoming car, killed instantly.

I don't know how to describe how I felt. Hundreds of people from all over the country turned up for his funeral, many on bikes. At the wake I was sitting with his two riding buddies - who'd also been there when I had my crash - as they were explaining to his relatives exactly what had happened. 

He was full of life and fun and loved to party and to ride, he was an inspiration for all of us on the forum. Life is a risk but it's one worth taking.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

It's a very strange feeling.

A number of years ago ... I was 29 I think ... I came into work and hadn't even made my way to my desk when a coworker came up to me crying. She hugged me and then stepped back and told me that my friend Eric had died. I was stunned. He was a coworker but he was also a close personal friend. We hung out a lot back then and were always working late together on one project or another. I was over at his house a lot, ate dinner with him and his wife, played with his kids. He died in his sleep at the age of 28. Undiagnosed enlarged heart, likely from a medical condition he had when he was a kid. 

The week after the funeral, my SIL was getting married in Breckenridge, CO. I barely remember that weekend. When I should have been enjoying myself in this beautiful resort town at my SIL's wedding, I remember just walking around town by myself in a complete daze. I didn't know what to feel really but I remember how my own mortality hit me like a ton of bricks. When you are that age, you still feel invincible and to some degree that was taken away from me the day he died. To this day when I think about him, I feel it is so unfair that his life was cut so short and I've had this opportunity to continue living my life.

I'm sorry to hear that happened. You know, you see and hear about tragic situations like this in the news all the time but it is completely different when it is someone you know. It's one of life's wake-up calls.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Jetranger said:


> I don't know how to describe how I felt. Hundreds of people from all over the country turned up for his funeral, many on bikes. At the wake I was sitting with his two riding buddies - who'd also been there when I had my crash - as they were explaining to his relatives exactly what had happened.
> 
> He was full of life and fun and loved to party and to ride, he was an inspiration for all of us on the forum. Life is a risk but it's one worth taking.


I've been to too many of those funerals. The most tragic for me are the noob riders. Young kids... first bike. Soaring enthusiasm, wonderful, friendly guys with their whole life ahead of them... so happy/proud to have a bike... who just tried to do too much too soon.

And then there are the random elements of crashes - things that just as easily could happen to you. There is very much a sense of "there but for the grace of God go I".

I still wouldn't give it up for the world. There are few things I enjoy as much as riding a motorcycle.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

After my son's near fatal accident I experienced extreme anxiety when he was out of site. Would wake up in middle of night to check for shoes to make sure he was home. Doesn't even need to be a death to really wake us up to the fact it can be anyone - anytime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

highwood said:


> It will be pretty sombre around here for the next few days at least.
> 
> But is it just me or does anybody else do this...it makes me think about my own mortality and feel anxious about something happening to myself or those close to me??
> 
> ...


Damn motorcycles. They are a dangerous drug- I speak from experience.

I have ridden from Florida to Alaska and back to Texas, and somehow I survived. Every time I hear one of these stories I think "it should have been me on that trip".

Its such a shame. OP, of course anytime someone suddenly dies, you feel down and reflect on your mortality. We tend to function as human beings with certain patterns that ensure our well-being and survival.

When something like this happens, you realize how powerless you can be when something goes wrong. And of course, you cant help but think about his last moments.. his family.. his fear.. etc; its part and parcel with being empathetic.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I've been to too many of those funerals. The most tragic for me are the noob riders. Young kids... first bike. Soaring enthusiasm, wonderful, friendly guys with their whole life ahead of them... so happy/proud to have a bike... who just tried to do too much too soon.
> 
> And then there are the random elements of crashes - things that just as easily could happen to you. There is very much a sense of "there but for the grace of God go I".
> 
> I still wouldn't give it up for the world. There are few things I enjoy as much as riding a motorcycle.


Indeed, well said.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Since were talking how quickly things can change, heres a story.

I have 2 bikes atm, a Suzuki DR650 (the one I did my trip with), and a Suzuki Bandit 1200S.

A few years ago I was headed to my college campus on the Bandit. I was speeding by about 7mph, but otherwise following the rules. I was on a 4 lane highway (2 in each direction) in the left lane of my side.

At exactly the wrong time, a woman in a white Tahoe starts pulling out from a parking lot. There was nothing I could do- cars peppered the opposing traffic lane, a curb to the right so I couldnt jump into a parking lot, and even if I was going 5 under I wouldnt have been able to stop.

In one instant, everything is fine. The next, my heart just sort of stopped, im full on the brakes, and Im watching this Tahoe passing through the right lane.

I was trying to determine in an instant whether she was going to go all the way through (where aiming for the right lane would have me go around her), or whether she would see me and stop. I reasoned that as I was moving and I could see she was looking left, she would see me and panic-mash the brakes. I held all the way to the left side of the left lane.

She saw me and smashed on the brakes. Her front bumber was about 2 feet to my right when I passed.

Just like that, I could have died. Aside from mild speeding on a wide open area (and this is the speed I was maintaining to stay within the "bubble" of no cars which I try to do), I didnt do anything wrong and was riding safely.

On a motorcycle, it can happen anytime anywhere. You have to just accept it if youre going to ride. Like others here, I do.

My father wouldnt buy a motorcycle despite riding and racing them in his youth. He said he felt it was too dangerous considering he was a father. I would have to think long and hard about whether Id stick with bikes if I became a father.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Thanks all for the comments! This death is hitting me harder than I thought it would have. I read his obit on the weekend and ever since then have been feeling sad about it. I did not socialize with him outside of work but had conversations at work, so in a way I am surprised at how sad and upset I feel about it.

I think part of it is here was a good person, very smart, highly educated yet so down to earth and he had to die in a horrible way.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

We ride knowing the risks. As others have said, we enjoy it so much that we're prepared to risk it. Horse riding is many times more dangerous, incidentally.

I don't have a bike any more (had to sell it when I moved) and my parents asked me, "While we don't want you to get another one, IF YOU DID would you feel safe riding them around this area (Southern Ontario) because of the way people drive?"


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I was thinking about all of this wondering why since Saturday it seems I am more upset by it then last week and I think last week it was shock and I was consumed with my own mortality and now I am passed all that and just feel really sad for him and how he had to pass away so suddenly.

It is strange too because it was not like I talked to him everyday at work but I find myself "missing" him. Is that strange??


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I guess they brought in a counsellor here today in case people wanted to talk...I will avoid that..I am feeling really sensitive today and would probably burst into tears.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

highwood said:


> I was thinking about all of this wondering why since Saturday it seems I am more upset by it then last week and I think last week it was shock and I was consumed with my own mortality and now I am passed all that and just feel really sad for him and how he had to pass away so suddenly.
> 
> It is strange too because it was not like I talked to him everyday at work but I find myself "missing" him. Is that strange??


Human empathy is never strange unless it is destructive; you "missing" him is a multifaceted emotional response to the situation.

Im no psychologist, but I dont think feeling down about and suddenly missing a man no longer with life can be bad or strange. Obviously if that incapacitates you socially or professionally over a sustained period of time it could be a problem, but what youre worried about now is called "being human." 

Dont judge yourself or feel insecure- all your feelings show is that you have a healthy respect for the value of life.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> Human empathy is never strange unless it is destructive; you "missing" him is a multifaceted emotional response to the situation.
> 
> Im no psychologist, but I dont think feeling down about and suddenly missing a man no longer with life can be bad or strange. Obviously if that incapacitates you socially or professionally over a sustained period of time it could be a problem, but what youre worried about now is called "being human."
> 
> Dont judge yourself or feel insecure- all your feelings show is that you have a healthy respect for the value of life.


Thank you! It is definently affecting me more than what I thought it would like I said. One of my jobs is to sort thru the mail that comes into the building and I saw a piece of junk mail with his name on it and that just made me feel terrible.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

highwood said:


> Thank you! It is definently affecting me more than what I thought it would like I said. One of my jobs is to sort thru the mail that comes into the building and I saw a piece of junk mail with his name on it and that just made me feel terrible.


Oh yeah man- little things like that are usually the worst. Its a tragedy no doubt...


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Riding is a risk but not as much as people are lead to believe. It's just that every time there is a motorcycle death everyone likes to shout it from the mountaintop about how dangerous they are. This risk is in direct proportion to the riders awareness and safe riding habits. How many people still don't wear seatbelts? Smoke? Drink in excess? Skydive? Paraglide? Scuba dive? Drive too fast in their cars (everyone raise their hand here)? We all take risks. I'm certainly not trying to say riding a motorcycle is not risky. But ask yourself...are you afraid to die? Or afraid to live?

I'm 51. I bought a motorcycle when I was 45 and rode it for 3 years and then sold it. I regret it every single day. Riding is freedom to me. There are few things better then riding down a country road on a warm sunny day seeing the bright blue sky and puffy white clouds reflecting in the chrome on my headlight. I will own another one in my future.

Ever seen a dog stick it's head out of a car window and how happy it looks? Now you have an idea. RIP brother. See you on the other side.

Open Road


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

highwood said:


> I have this anxious unsettled feeling in my gut since I heard yesterday.


Then do something to save someone else. Get on the bone marrow donors list.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

This morning is the memorial service...I am not looking forward to it. Already I feel that anxious nervous feeling about going. It is going to be sad.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

I think we have to take life for granted, in a sense. I'm not sure we're capable of handling a state of "constant awe" (or worse......constant fear) over the magnitude of LIFE. It's overwhelming.

I came into work one day several years ago, opened up CNN.com, as I usually do to get a quick check on current affairs. Staring back at me was a picture of a friend of my wife's cousin. We had met him a handful of times, but had just been visiting her cousin and had dinner with this guy and his family maybe, 3 months ago? He was on a break from a conference, met his wife and youngest boy at a Wendy's for lunch. They left....but then he went back in, because his son didn't get the toy with the kids meal. As he stood at the end of the counter waiting, a man came out of the rest room, around the corner behind this friend, and as the first step in his shooting spree, put a gun to his head and blew him away.

A couple years ago, I wake up one morning checking Facebook, to find some HS classmates posting some confusingly short posts about another classmate. Well, it wasn't confusing in retrospect, it was only confusing because it seemed so out of place. 40 year-old woman.....just didn't wake up one morning. Not long before that, another girl from that same class, seemingy healthy as well, died giving birth to twins. Then there's my father: turned 70 in January of 2013 as my personal role model for health, fitness and an active lifestyle. This past March, he succumbed to pancreatic cancer.

Life is not all fun, it's not all fair, either. We can't live every second, every minute, like it's our last.....I, for one, sure as heck wouldn't come to work! Just do your best, show those who matter to you that you care, and in the wake of these tragic losses, let yourself be sad and mourn. It will get easier, slightly, and may even stop hurting one day.....that's ok, too. It's what we all need to make it through.


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