# when is this going to get better?



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Only Tuesday, but already this week has not been good. On Sunday, I met my husband to get the kids. We were talking about various things...then my husband kept bringing up how I don't or haven't ever respect him and don't listen to what he has to say...he kept saying it over and over....I lost it and told him to go ***k himself and hastily got in the car and drove away. Few minutes later, I called him and apologized. I was so pissed off. Yesterday, I wrote him like a 20 page letter....talking about what I feel contributed to the marriage failing, memories of the last 20 years, how I want him to be happy with himself and someone new, etc. etc. I want to give it to him so bad but my friends have advised me not to do so...at least not now since he is still so very angry with me. I am going crazy. I also told him that I was thinking about moving to the same city where I work and where my family and his family live. He got mad and said if I did that then he wouldnt be able to spend much time with the kids. He lives close to his work now. If I move closer to my job...we would be an 1hr. away from each other. The other week when I told him I was thinking about moving closer to his area..he got mad as well. What the heck am I supposed to do? Also, last week when I told him that until he tells me to my face that he doesn't love me...I am not going to give up.....well....he still hasn't said it yet? So, do you think there could be hope to consider a reconciliation? Anybody out there...if you were separated from your spouse....how long should you "wait" before you throw in the towel? Thanks!


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Why not set up a time and meet with him----just the two of you. And ask him what he wants for the future...
As far as moving; I'd go where you see it best working for you (probably near your children's grandparents----it will be a lot of work doing all you have to do on your own).


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I haven't read your threads, so I may be missing something. But, in my case, I gave the separation a year. At that time my divorce lawyer gave me some very sound advice. He told me to tell my husband that he has had enough time. It was time to decide. Either he move back into the house and go to marriage counseling, or I would file for divorce. The estranged husband responded by telling me it would be a good long time before moved back in the house. I took that as a no and filed divorce. 

It sounds like emotions are running too high on both sides for you and your husband to have a meaningful conversation. Perhaps more time is needed.


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

Only a few weeks after my husband said he was done with our marriage, I told him he needs to make the separation real. He is still living at home. We share the bed, but just for sleeping, we had been sharing meals, plans for the weekend, etc. but last week I told him I had to protect myself and stop having him act like a husband in so many ways. If he is going, he needs to go. I could tell he was hurt, but REALLY, talk about who got hurt here. I had to take the chance that if I push this, he might realize what is really happening. Anyway. My note to him was brief, and apology for my contribution to this marriage having been neglected and to tell him I love him. You need to be near people who can support you but not so far from him that he can't see the kids


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

denise...move closer to your family,don't eve think about what he wants at this moment.If you see my thread you will see that this is exactly what i did.We are 5 hrs away from him,sorry but the kids need to see a sane Mom,you will be the primary caregiver do what is right for you.If he wants to be closer to the kids he needs to move closer to you guys.


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

On Wednesday, the kids and I went to husband's apt. so that we could do our taxes. To be nice, I made dinner and dessert and brought it over. I figured he hadn't had a homecooked meal since he moved out. We were nice to each other, but you could def. feel the tension in the air. On Sunday, I wrote alot of my feelings about him, me, and us, and our marriage. Ended up being 20 pages. It felt good to write such raw and honest emotion. Well...I felt like that he should know exactly what I was thinking/feeling. So right as the boys and I were leaving...I left it on his desk. I have not heard anything from him since. I asked if maybe we could get together this weekend and discuss the pros and cons of where the kids and I need to move (closer to grandparents and my job or closer to him). I wish I could just get inside his head/heart to know what he is thinking/feeling.


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