# Please, give me your advice



## Zomb (Aug 12, 2013)

I found out about TAM a few weeks ago and reading all the posts has helped me very much. Now I want to go a step forward and ask you all for an advice. I know this site is for married couples, but the relationship I had with my STBX was pretty much a marriage, so I think I fit here.

Some background first: Me and my STBX have been together for 9 years. 4 years ago we decided to move together and 2 years ago we decided to go to live in UK (we are from south-Asia). I went there to study, and she went there to find a job. As I have British passport, she got a visa for unmarried partners of British citizens. 

Around 4 months ago she made the ILYBINILWY speech, requesting a break. Ignorantly of the consequences of my actions, I beg, resonated and work very hard to make things up. Obviously that didn’t work and she got more and more distant and even aggressive at some moment. Around 2 months ago I found out she was having an emotional affair with an old friend of hers that lives in a third country, very far from us. I got crazy, took all my stuff and went back to live in my country (as I was coincidently finishing the Master, I could do it without any trouble at univ). The day before I went to live back in my country she told me she didn’t want to know anything about me and that she was in love with the other guy. 

But the story changed after I left UK. After I got back home I started to get text messages from her saying she missed me very much. But the end of the line was still the same: that she wasn’t ready to work on the relationship. She needed time to think about it. She also said that the EA was over (although she didn’t give me any prove of that). 

After thinking about it for a week, I decided to give her space but only for 3 months. We agreed to talk by text message once every couple of days and by skype every weekend. 

A week ago, the 3 months time ended. But she was still unsure about the relationships and asked me for an extra 3 months break. Full of sadness and desperation, I told her I couldn’t wait anymore. So I broke up, telling her I need to move on and restart my life. She cried but said she understood, so we have stopped talking since that day.

I decided not to wait anymore for two reasons: First, I don’t feel I am moving on. After two months apart, I am still depressed and stressed. Second, I can’t say for sure she is not talking to the OM anymore, since she haven’t gave me any prove of that (i.e. a break up email, eliminating him from facebook, etc).

Now I am doubtful about my decision, I really love her and I want to be with her again. However, I don’t believe her she is not talking with the OM anymore. If am not in the UK she will not be able to stay there for long (she has her visa because I have British passport). So why would a person risk so much (her 9 years relationship, her visa, her job, etc) just for nothing? My guts tells me that she is still talking with the OM (or with a new one), and she wants me as plan B.

What do you think I should do? 
a) Should I keep the no contact and just see what happen? 
OR
b) Should I call her again saying I accept the new deadline, despite we are still in different countries, and I don’t know for sure she is not dating anyone?

c) Any extra idea (haha)

Thank you all for the help. 
PD: (Apologies for my grammar mistakes, I am not a native speaker)


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

A......find someone else and enjoy your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

richie33 said:


> A......find someone else and enjoy your life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes say goodbye anf find someone else , dont wait for her , she will decive you again . Good luck .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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