# Ugh now he says he doesn't want a divorce!



## shakeitout (Jul 31, 2012)

Sad part is I know him so well, I totally predicted this! He came to see the kids Friday and I asked him to please bring our marriage license (he took it along with my rings and a wedding picture he found in the trash) this weekend because I have an appointment at the child support office and also told him I have an appointment with my lawyer Tuesday. He looked like I had pulled the rug out from under him or something. My niece said when I left the room, he looked like he was about to cry. But when I brought up divorce a few weeks ago, he agreed with me and said our marriage couldn't be saved. He's also been in daily contact with posOW for the past 6 weeks. 

Anyway, I texted him last night to remind him to bring the license and he didn't respond so I sent him a message on Facebook a few hours later. He finally responded and here's our conversation: 
Him: Sorry I just got your message. I just need to know one thing. Is this what you want?
Me: *playing dumb* What do you mean?
Him: I mean do you want us to be over? I just want to know. We have not really talked about it. 
Me: Not much to talk about, is there? I figured you'd be happy. 
Him: You figured wrong. I'm not happy. I miss you. I love you and don't want this. I want things to be different . But I never wanted a divorce. I just wanted a month to get back to the man you fell in love with. And the father the boys need. I figured you wanted it. 
Me: A few weeks ago you were singing a different tune. Excuse me for not knowing what you want. I can't read your mind. 
Him: A few weeks ago I was so pissed I could have killed someone. You're right, you can't read minds and that's the problem. I don't talk about what I want. I'm sorry. I know you still love me, it's in your eyes. And I don't want to lose you because I don't talk much. You are a good mother and you were a great wife. I should have said this awhile ago. I just wanted you to know that any decision you make, make it from your heart. I still love you and the boys more than anything else. 

I never responded. Everything he said completely contradicts things he said before and the way he's been acting lately. Maybe he thinks I'll just take him back and let everything be swept under the rug again. Maybe the grass wasn't as green on the other side as he expected. I'm not sure but it's too little, too late now. He's had 6 weeks to try and work on things and he hasn't. He's hasn't put in any effort and now I'm done. I just worry now that things won't go as fast as I'd hoped since he's saying he doesn't want this now. Ugh, I think things were easier when he was just as detached as I am.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Have his ass served if thats what you want.

If you want to try R. He needs to earn his way back. He goes to IC to sort himself out.

Then you go to MC to see if it's even possible to reconnect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shakeitout (Jul 31, 2012)

Yeah, I'm not backing down now. I know in my heart that an R would never work. Not long term anyway. The cheating would just happen again, maybe not now but in the future. He's never shown any real remorse for it. 

The entire thing reminds me of a situation his friend was in awhile back. He showed me their Facebook messages. They split and the guy was off screwing around with a different girl for weeks. He even got one pregnant. Right when his wife was going to file for divorce and he learned he was going to be paying her $500+ a month in child support and alimony, he went begging her back.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Go for it.

Wish I could reach your degree of disgust and detachment.

My wife cheated and continues to shack up with posOM from out of state every time I take our girls.

And, for some reason I hope that she will wake up and come back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shakeitout (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm sorry spun.  

I don't think he realizes I can look at the phone bill and view the usage even before it's billed. After saying all that to me last night, he was up texting the posOW until almost 8 this morning. I'm not stupid.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Yes, its like they live in alternate realities, switching from one to the next whenever it benefits them.

I know that my stbxw, would likely continue to communicate with posOM, even in the face of R.

Doesn't make it any easier for me to let go though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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