# Wife's suspicious behavior...



## TrustShaken (Feb 16, 2016)

Hello everyone - first post here looking for advice. I suspect my wife is cheating - not an ongoing affair with a single guy, shes too busy and will not get out of her routine or comfort zone for that kind of thing. Rather I suspect she looks for occasional one night stands when the opportunity presents itself. 

She is not aware that I know, but she has cheated in the past early in our relationship. I know this now, but at the time I didnt want to admit it to myself and tried to convince myself I was imagining things.

She used to work in the event industry and working late nights was very common in her industry. One day I found out she had a coworkers phone number and directions to his house hidden in her dresser drawer. I thought it was very suspicious but didn't think it was worth starting a fight about something that could be innocent.
One night she was going to work, and had an extra bag of clothes with her. She said she had to stay after the event and count inventory and would not get home till the early AM. I found her behavior a little off and after she left I noted that the phone number was missing from her dresser. She didnt answer her work phone, or call back the entire night which was out of character. at 6am she came home smelling of alcohol and claimed a few folks went for a couple beers after work and it was no big deal.
a couple days later the phone number reappeared in her dresser. A few days later I called her out on the number in her dresser but didnt let her know that I was aware she had taken it the previous weekend. She claimed it was innocent and threw it out crying. A few months later, she was being treated for an STD..... When I went to see the Dr. about myself, the Dr. said there was a slim chance she could have got this from non-sexual contact. I foolishly gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to get past it without ever letting her know how much I knew. I know Im an idiot... but on with the story.


That was 20 years ago and things have been pretty good with only a few fights about poor behavior mostly stemming from her drinking. She tends to get a little sexually aggressive after a few drinks in the right crowd and atmosphere. Most of the fights were about her getting overly friendly with other guys at bars, etc. but these were few and far between and hasnt happened since our daughter was born 13 years ago. She is in her mid 40s now and Ive noticed her sex drive is much higher than it used to be.

She still works in the same industry, but in a more senior role. A few years ago she started attending trade shows in the US as part of her job... Vegas mostly. Never really bothered me until 2 years ago... something in her behavior was off she was a little sheepish when she came home from the trip but the next day she was overly touchy and far more attentive than normal... and my gut was telling me something happened. After that trip got much more serious at the gym and started working out 5 days a week and avoiding junk food. 

Last year I noticed she went out and bought some new underwear at a lingerie shop before her Vegas trip. She didnt try to hide it, and left the bag sitting in plain view in our room for a couple weeks. The bag disappeared the night before she left and the underwear appeared in the laundry on her return. Normally her buying new underwear would not phase me in the slightest, Im not THAT paranoid...but this was not your normal every day stuff. Fancy velvet like fabric bikini with see through back.. the kind of stuff worn to show off - and she has NEVER worn this kind of thing since the day we met. 

Seemed really out of character to me, but again I didn't want to start a fight without good reason. A few weeks later as she was getting dressed I saw the underwear in her open drawer and pulled them out with and showed them to her and said nothing. She just said "I bought those for you" and gave me a wink.... now shes was lying to me about it and I got pissed. I said "you didn't buy those for me, you bought them for your Vegas trip" She denied it and said she never took them to Vegas... another lie. I told her I saw them in the room and they were gone the day she left on the trip... from there she just started to claim ignorance and that she didn't remember. 

Earlier she had shown me some photos from the trip on her phone and I noted that she wasn't wearing her wedding rings, so I asked her if she wore her rings while away and she put on her best loving wife routine and told me she never took them off and how much she loved them and me. Another lie... I told her I noticed she wasn't wearing them in the photos and she tried to deny it so I got her phone and told her to look for herself. She got flustered and again claimed to "not remember" and that she was sorry. 

My trust in her has never been 100% and now its on its last thread. Without hard proof, I cant take any action and have just had to live with the suspicion.

In 4 weeks she leaves for the annual conference in Vegas again and Im stressing. These events involve alot of parties, drinks in a casino\bar atmosphere after hours and I know how she gets.... I want to hire a PI to watch her while shes there. I know the lack of trust is a bad marriage sign in itself, but I need to get this out of my head and this could give me either reassurance that all is well or the hard proof I need to kick her out... there will be no benefit of the doubt or forgiveness this time.

I imagine this kind of cheating would be very hard to catch. Thoughts on this approach? Anyone tried this? Im sure its not cheap....

Feedback welcome... paranoid or justified? 
Is once a cheater always a cheater true?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Use a VAR in her car or hire a PI to follow her.

Why didn't your ever confront her and why are you staying with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sir, I'm sorry but you already know the answer to all this. What do you want us to say? 

Either you can tolerate your wife cheating and turn a blind eye(you have for years), or you can't. You have to decide for yourself. I hate it for you, because I know how it feels.

You don't need to hire a private eye. You know she's going to get some strange. Just divorce her or live with her cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Imovedforthis (Dec 18, 2015)

I think you are paranoid, but your paranoia is justified with her prior affairs. I'm the same with towards my husband. 

it sounds like you just don't trust her. I don't trust my husband anymore after numerous lies and an affair in the beginning of our relationship. We have been together 13 years and the whole time I have always had on and off periods of suspicions. It's hard. Really hard to trust someone who has cheated on you.

No, I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater. I believe there are some people who are always cheaters and then you have the others who do it one time, regret it, and never do it again. For those it's a mistake. For serial cheaters, it's a choice. 

Hiring a PI is expensive... if you can afford it, do it. If I could, I would have done it years ago. Sometimes you just need a little piece of mind. Any way you can go with her on these trips????

At the end of the day though, you really need to think about you and if you truly want to carry on a marriage like this forever. I only say this bc I'm 13 years in over here and I still don't trust my husband and it's finally getting to the point where I just don't want to live like this anymore. You know? It's mentally exhausting to be married to someone you don't trust. I think at this point you need to determine whether this is the kind of life you want to continue living. and I don't mean that bad or harsh... I've chosen to live mine for awhile but it does get tougher year by year. it gets old not being able to trust someone and it wears your down mentally.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Use a VAR in her car or hire a PI to follow her.
> 
> Why didn't your ever confront her and why are you staying with her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dittos

You can get great sony voice activated recorders at Bestbuy and walmart for around sixty dollars. You can get real pen vars for her purse.

A VAR in her car velcroed under the front seat works wonders along with one in the house where she would phone someone while you aren't home. I'll bet she has friends or coworkers she talks to about this crap.

Definitely get the PI too for the Vegas trip.

Do you have kids?

How has your sex life been over the years?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sir, I'm sorry but you already know the answer to all this. What do you want us to say?
> 
> Either you can tolerate your wife cheating and turn a blind eye(you have for years), or you can't. You have to decide for yourself. I hate it for you, because I know how it feels.
> 
> ...


Of course she isn't faithful but this guy seems to need to catch her in the act.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you given any thought to a polygraph?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Of course she isn't faithful but this guy seems to need to catch her in the act.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If the STD didn't convince him seeing her boning another guy won't either


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Would you actually do anything if you found proof?

She's left a trail before that a blind man could read.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If he just must see, I still wouldn't hire a pic on a trip until she feels comfy again or until she pulls the fancy pants out again.

Then again, she's been doing this for years. She prolly doesn't think he is that worried about it.

To say he is paranoid with the evidence he has is just plain Gumpish. I'm shocked anyone would say that.

You may be lots of things, but paranoid isn't one of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> If the STD didn't convince him seeing her boning another guy won't either


LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am not sure what your really after, it sounds more like a cat and mouse game then to discover her cheating she you can kick her out of the house, clearly when the flags were there 20 years when she got a STD and you were an idiot not to do anything about then, what are you really to do now 20 years later....you know she is a cheater, you know she has opportunity and desire to do it, and you let it slide. you didn't confront her, you didn't threaten her with divorce, you did NOTHING...so are you now angry enough to do something ?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

It's evident you can't handle the truth as you have been tolerating her screwing other men for 20 yrs. Go with her to Vegas and see what she says. Fill out divorce papers for the PI to hand her after he gets photos. Tell her when she returns from banging Mr. Right Now she will be required to take a poly. Non negotiable!


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

TrustShaken said:


> Hello everyone - first post here looking for advice. I suspect my wife is cheating - not an ongoing affair with a single guy, shes too busy and will not get out of her routine or comfort zone for that kind of thing. Rather I suspect she looks for occasional one night stands when the opportunity presents itself.
> 
> She is not aware that I know, but she has cheated in the past early in our relationship. I know this now, but at the time I didnt want to admit it to myself and tried to convince myself I was imagining things.
> 
> ...


Im sorry but why are you bother asking us

Ask anyone what they think and they would tell you the same thing

You are trying so hard trying not to think your wife is fvking other guys its stomach churning

Even now your thinking you may be paranoid..what the Heck

Its no wonder your wife doesnt bother hiding stuff from you too much

Hire your P.I. and go see a lawyer a.s.a.p...... tomorrow at the latest


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Thing is, he's caught her red-handed (or red-gonadded from the std) many times, yet describes it as "suspicious" behavior. Yeah, I'd say so. 

Once they catch std's and keep
Men's #'s and directions to their pad in drawers under their clothes, their behavior should be described more strongly than "suspicious".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

TrustShaken,

I'm very sorry you are in this spot, the shock of betrayal sometimes makes people freeze and go into denial or accommodation hoping the disloyal spouse will magically stop. This is known as rug sweeping and it almost never works unless you are hoping to get ulcers. 

You were mistaken not to confront years ago, and it has cost you year of sitting at home fearing and knowing what your WW is doing. I used to bing eat when my W would leave me alone at home after her affair.

You cannot move forward with your marriage without doing the following.

* Get a polygraph for your WW. Her affairs are not in the past you have relived them every day of your marriage, she needs to come completely clean.

* The names of all her OM need to be know, then you need to visit their spouses, and also expose them widely.

* Get DNA for your children, from you description it does sound like your WW prefers short term sex. However the fact that she had a co-workers number also suggests that she may have a work husband as well and those relationship can go on for years since they have the perfect cover. The longer a side relationship has gone on the more likely one of your children is not yours.

* Go into surveillance mode, as suggested by others.

* Get your divorce plans firmed up. 

* If the OM are supervisors of hers you may need to threaten a lawsuit against her company.

For yourself you cannot continue this way without destroying your health, waiting past midnight for a drunk spouse to return is a long and painful way to live.

Tamat


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

TrustShaken said:


> Rather I suspect she looks for occasional one night stands when the opportunity presents itself.


You already know what’s happening and you have been willfully looking the other way your entire marriage. If you even confront her she just claims confusion and it all goes away. You two have this little dance going on and she might think that deep down you don’t really mind.

My guess is that it’s only sex to her. She values her family life and loves you in her own way. She has no intention of ever leaving you so what’s the harm?



TrustShaken said:


> She is in her mid 40s now and Ive noticed her sex drive is much higher than it used to be. After that trip got much more serious at the gym and started working out 5 days a week and avoiding junk food.


I’ve noticed that even women that have never cheated are more likely to be unfaithful in their 40’s. They feel the need to prove that they still have it.



TrustShaken said:


> Without hard proof, I can’t take any action and have just had to live with the suspicion.


What are you going to do if you get proof? My guess is that she will cry, say she’s sorry and you will do nothing. 

DNA your kid. You can buy a kit at about any drug store.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

You know you've been sharing your wife with other men on and off for 20 years, so why do you have a problem with it now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

So she convinced you that she caught an STD from a toilet seat? Her behavior has been putting your health in jeopardy for a long time. The sad thing is you don't know whether or not she has been having one night stands for the last 20 years. 

How old are your kids now? Run DNA on them. Could be cheaper yet more definitive than a PI. Doesn't mean that you aren't their father for all intents and purposes if it comes back no match, just means that your wife is a duplicitous liar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Hello TrustShaken and really sorry to have you here.

First question is are you from the UK or Australia ? The reason I ask is because its harder to catch her in the USA from the UK or Australia. Harder but not impossible - you will need the help of a good (possibly expensive) PI in the USA.

However, this I can tell you. I have worked extensively with people from the world of events - at shows, seminars, exhibitions etc (mainly IT, HiTech and Communications but also other shows).

One night stands are rife and the marketing events team is dominated by women - and a great number of them are "up for it" all the time, every time. The number of divorces or "open marriages" (more like marriages where the husband turns a blind eye) is staggering.

I would say that your wife is almost certainly fvcking around and right under your nose. You need to stop confronting her with half-baked evidence. Go into stealth mode and catch her in your country. A VAR planted in the car might get something but she is not likely to discuss much in the car - you might get lucky though. You will need to have her followed or sneak up on her unannounced at the end of a show or just before the start at night and catch her red-handed (or have a PI do this for you).

You have more than enough circumstantial evidence to know that she is cheating - you just need the smoking gun to go in with confidence and do what you know needs to be done anyway (smoking gun or not).

This is over and you need to start making plans to not only catch her but also about what you are going to do after that. Start working out what you need to do to divorce her sorry a$$ and protect yourself.

As I said, do not let on - go into stealth mode and do what you need to do - do not dilly dally around.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If you can afford a PI, my suggestion is that you go for it and hire one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Mate sorry you are here. I would definately purchase two VARS preferably Sony ASAP. 

As others have suggested strap them with velcro underneath her car seat. Bet you get results real soon. Also if you can afford it the PI is the way too go. But try the VARS first. They are a lot cheaper.

It really does sound that your wife is up to no good. The STD should have confirmed that for you. Anyway hope you have the resolve to kick her to the kerb unremorsefully once you have the solid proof.

I'm sorry to say all this should have been addressed years ago. If i was to find secret directions and a phone number to a guys house there would have been hell to pay.


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## Redactus (Nov 22, 2015)

After reading the thread - A) What level of proof do you require? B) If that level of proof is attained, what are you prepared to do about the situation. Simply put, without a threshold and remedy, the whole thing is pointless...other than just to vent. Prayers to you.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

All I got after reading that is your wife is an alcoholic and a serial cheater, has been drinking and screwing other men for years, and you have been turning a blind eye the whole time.


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## whitewolf (Feb 11, 2016)

There is an old saying that goes, "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, it's probably a duck." I think you have a duck. Hire the PI.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> All I got after reading that is your wife is an alcoholic and a serial cheater, has been drinking and screwing other men for years, and you have been turning a blind eye the whole time.


Don't hold back; tell us what you really think. >


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3What @manfromlamancha said is correct.

When a company hires women for shows they often hire their bodies, too.

This happens In the UK and I am certain that it happens in THE USA too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

OP,

I'm not sure you really need evidence at this point. The STD was more than enough IMO. Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife is the female equivalent of a pick up artist. Because she is a woman, it is even easier for her to find one night stands. So its unlikely that she would ever stop if this is a lifestyle she has been living for twenty years now. Some people do choose to rugsweep this, but you can't afford to. Primarily because she has already shown you that she is willing to put your health at risk for a cheap thrill. Take the advice that these folks are giving you, but start with getting an STD test for yourself.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Before she goes, confront her------you have enuff evidence, see where the conversation goes, then bring up the Vegas trip, tell her you do not want her going, unless it is completely mandatory, to her keeping her job, why would she HAVE to go to Vegas. ------ Prior to confronting make sure you have all your info. lined up---the not wearing of her rings, the new underwear, the missing address, then coming home at 6 a m, after allegedly counting money----there was no way she could have gone out with friends drinking, cuz the bars close at 2 a m---so she had to be at someones home, or in a car, after going to a liquor store-----you have plenty to confront on----VAR, probably won't do you much good, if she is just hooking up ONS, at the event, so if you arn't gonna confront then hire the PI----but one way or the other------take a stand!!!!!!!


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Trustshaken you need to wake the F#$k UP!.... Its Broken not shaken. You already have enough evidence.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

This is embarrassing. I've never seen so many juvenile, mean spirited and rude posts to a new poster.

I've been wondering why so few people are posting in the CWI section for quite awhile.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I would skip the pi and find a way to set her up.

"Giggity Giggity!"


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

TrustShaken said:


> Earlier she had shown me some photos from the trip on her phone and I noted that she wasn't wearing her wedding rings, so I asked her if she wore her rings while away and she put on her best loving wife routine and told me she never took them off and how much she loved them and me. Another lie... I told her I noticed she wasn't wearing them in the photos and she tried to deny it so I got her phone and told her to look for herself. She got flustered and again claimed to "not remember" and that she was sorry.


Without any doubt.. Rock. Solid. Proof.

Without any doubt.. Pull the chord and bail.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

No, you aren't paranoid as the other posters have pointed out.
Another very inexpensive way to assess the situation is to simply offer to go with her on the trip to Vegas. Tell her you want to spend some quality time with her and meet her business associates.
Watch how she reacts. If she is aghast at your suggestion and tries to talk you out of it in no uncertain terms you have more proof of what you already suspect.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Chaparral said:


> This is embarrassing. I've never seen so many juvenile, mean spirited and rude posts to a new poster.
> 
> I've been wondering why so few people are posting in the CWI section for quite awhile.


I agree, it's not very nice, but I honestly can't recall a new post that contained this many red flags (and at that level, either).

I think a few of us are confused as to what exactly the OP is hoping to hear. Or what advice to give him.

I mean, most of what he detailed is proof enough. Or if he came on here and said he thinks his wife may be cheating on him, THEN discovers things like the note in her drawer, or the new lingerie, most of us here would be telling him the same thing.

But the general consensus is a lot of people (myself included) wondering what in the hell else does he need to confirm?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In my estimation, you are only some 20 years removed from having her a$$ summarily hauled into a family court room and divorcing her! You have willingly led a life of having been deceived and then chose to bury your head in the sand, then hope and pray that it wasn't so!

Hell, Man: There was the phone number, there were the overnight caches of clothes, there was the provocative new panties obviously not bought for you to remove, and then you get confirmation that you have an STD? Who gave that to you? I can assure you that it wasn't Mary Poppins!

And then as if all of that wasn't remotely enough, you're still obligingly lowering your trousers to sleep with her?

While it's rather obvious that you aren't her Plan B, in her mind, you are only around to shag when she runs out of admiring paramours to do the job for her!

To hell with VAR's and "new evidence" after all these years of being deceived! If you don't like the status quo and her obviously deceptive past, then you need to be in a lawyer's office posthaste drawing up a petition for divorce!

Just how long does one have to be deceived before taking action?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Have you contacted a lawyer yet to see where you stand if you decide to D

Your health has already been compromised once what happens if its a lot worse next time

More than 1.2 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 8 (12.8%) are unaware of their infection !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Chaparral said:


> This is embarrassing. I've never seen so many juvenile, mean spirited and rude posts to a new poster.
> 
> I've been wondering why so few people are posting in the CWI section for quite awhile.


The point is he has had proof multiple times over the past 20 years. 

And yet he hasn't done anything. 

So he's either actually ok with it - would rather keep her and share her than possibly lose her. 

Or even if he saw it with his own eyes he wouldn't act on it. 

My point is that this ship has sailed decades ago. So what does he want? Advice on being ok with it?

Because advice on catching her after catching an std from her affairs is pointless. What more evidence do you need?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

@TrustShaken
After you have had time to digest all these responses, we're still here to help you along.

I'm very sorry you are going through this, have been for the past 20 years. I can't imagine holding on that long, I lasted 1 year and that was hell on my ego.

The good news is, you don't have to hold onto it another day if you don't want to.

Welcome to CWI

"Giggity Giggity!"


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

I’m sorry we have been hard on you but most of us have never seen such overwhelming circumstantial evidence, especially over such a long period of time.

How is she getting to Vegas? By air or by driving? Will she drive herself to the airport and leave her car there?

Your best bang for the buck is to put a voice activated recorder (VAR) under her car seat. Do it now.

LOOK HERE:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

If she’s picking up random guys you will not hear her making plans with a man. Your best bet is to hear her telling a girlfriend about her plans. Sometimes I think telling someone about it is half the fun, especially for women.

Have two VARS and exchange one of them for the other after the trip. Listen to one and keep another in her car for a few days after she returns and after you confront. You want to hear what she tells her girlfriends about what happened in Vegas and about the confrontation. 

You might hear something like “I have no plans to stop; I just have to be more careful.” Or “I love my husband so much I can’t believe that I risked everything.”

*NEVER tell her or anyone about the VAR. Let her assume that you got your information from a PI. 
*


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

EVG39 said:


> No, you aren't paranoid as the other posters have pointed out.
> Another very inexpensive way to assess the situation is to simply offer to go with her on the trip to Vegas. Tell her you want to spend some quality time with her and meet her business associates.
> Watch how she reacts. If she is aghast at your suggestion and tries to talk you out of it in no uncertain terms you have more proof of what you already suspect.


:iagree:

Go with, attend the after parties, make your presence felt. Chat up the other women in her circles. Get them drunk and probe for information. You'll get a clear picture of what actually happens on her trips.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

You might also consider a pen VAR in her purse or luggage depending on how big they are and what pockets they have. It’s riskier because she might find it. Also TSA might find it if she flies.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> You might also consider a pen VAR in her purse or luggage depending on how big they are and what pockets they have. It’s riskier because she might find it. Also TSA might find it if she flies.


unfortunately there's only about a 12 hr battery life on those. Maybe you'd catch her if it was an early rendezvous before the trade show/conference.

more likely OP suspects her of being picked up after hours at the hotel lounge or by attendees.

best bet would be a PI that can check the hallway security camera from a few nights of her stay. It would show her bringing someone in, or not showing up until the next morning.

If there was a coworker that accompanied her often, perhaps they might have some stories. Or their spouse? make their acquaintance, so some other source of office gossip 

Yes, sounds like OP wants a recent, undeniable smoking gun.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Acoa said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Go with, attend the after parties, make your presence felt. Chat up the other women in her circles. Get them drunk and probe for information. You'll get a clear picture of what actually happens on her trips.


I doubt she would agree to that. Also, from what the OP describes I'd be surprised if the other woman in her circle know about this part of her life.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

If she is smart and he goes, she will be 100% above reproach, to throw him off the scent. 

PI or go yourself via a different flight...


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

TrustShaken said:


> A few months later, she was being treated for an STD.....


Gross.



TrustShaken said:


> I foolishly gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to get past it without ever letting her know how much I knew. I know Im an idiot... but on with the story.


Yup you are but you gave her another chance. What's done is done. Now, let's see how she rewarded you for that shall we?



TrustShaken said:


> now shes was lying





TrustShaken said:


> another lie.





TrustShaken said:


> she just started to claim ignorance and that she didn't remember.





TrustShaken said:


> Another lie...





TrustShaken said:


> again claimed to "not remember" and that she was sorry.


So much for redemption.....



TrustShaken said:


> Feedback welcome... paranoid or justified?


Neither, you're just being an idiot again. What more hard proof do you need? A history of cheating, trips to Vegas, sexy underwear you've never seen her wear, taking off her wedding ring, suspicious behavior, my god man... wake up!

You've got more proof than an O.J. juror and you're still waffling around unsure of her guilt. She's fvcking someone.. Accept that as fact. 

Now, the better question is what the hell are YOU gonna do about it? Continue to be her STOOGE or man up and dump this sloot? 



TrustShaken said:


> Is once a cheater always a cheater true?


In your wife's case.... Unequivocally yes!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm sorry that some posters are cracking wise or being brutal to you about your situation.

The jokers lack empathy and see you as fodder for amusement.

The brutal ones think it will shock you into action regarding your cheating wife.

Both ways of commenting are not useful to a person such as yourself.

Just know that your rugsweeping, her lying and cheating is a toxic mix that has resulted in you taking a very long time to process this mess.

I hope you are now at the point where you can process the horror of it all and do something positive for your life. 

As i see it, you need to:

Get tested for STDs.
Consult with a divorce lawyer.
Get your finances in order.
Divorce her.

You don't need any more evidence. collecting more is just adding stress to your life.

Once you are free of her you will see the wide, wide world open up for you. The unhappiness inflicted on you will lift away and you will be free.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

He will need more evidence as posters behaviour so far has shown that until he has virtually a photo in 
his hands that he can see I doubt any movement forward will happen

Some people are too nice

Good luck with the P.I. He will get the job done


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I don't know, GJ, It took me a long time to finally process the horror and divorce my cheating wife. Years and years. depression and rugsweeping, shock at what is going on. All that makes some people react quickly to shed the evil from their life. others, such as myself, can't react, stunned into inaction.

I'm not defending the reaction, but it is real.

In my case? I took from 1992 until 2012 to finally leave her for good. I spend so, so much wasted time collecting evidence and fighting over crap because I had this misguided idea that if i knew the truth of my life then I could fix things. the thing is, I had no idea of the enormity of what I faced. Despite her being deceitful, I accepted her lame story of how little she had cheated (terrible concept "little"). In reality? She cheated multiple times and long term with the last one.

And so many life events got in the way of dealing with it: kid's serious medical issues, job losses, and so on.

Blink and 5 years go by at a pop.

Not to hijack this thread, but I'll say it again, everyone's reaction to cheating is their own. and their timeline for reacting positively is their own, by extension.

Eventually the OP will react and move on. I wish him the best.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You basically wrote out exactly G.J.'s point.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

You've had a lot of great suggestions. 

She is a serial cheater who has been ridden more than a rented mule.

You gonna do anything about it now?


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Why do you allow all of this my friend ? 

Reading your post was really hard for me,because I tried to put myself in your shoes and to be honest I would gone mad. 

She is serial cheater and it is so easy for her to cheat,because you dont respect yourself so why would she respect you eaither !

Divorce her and dont look back


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Oh yeah,she gave you STD !!! Come on man.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Found this PI firm with a quick search Private Investigators Las Vegas | Cheating Spouse | Cheating Husbands | Cheating Wives | Cheaters

It caught my eye because they use female investigators and offer a free on line quote


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

When it comes to your marriage: Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Are you just going to wait until she gives you an STD?
She clearly shows that she has very little respect for you or your health.

If the roles were reversed would she be so passive and accepting as you have been?
IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?


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