# did he cheat



## lindee (Feb 22, 2018)

My husband and I had a big fight back in September 2017 an he left and stay gone 3 nights and 4 days. He stayed in a house with a married couple, but the mans wife was gone, there were partying going on and there were other people there, male nd female, my husband swears up and down that he never slept with any women, but he will not discussed any details of those three nights. FIRST HE LIED AND TOLD ME HE STAYED IN A HOTEL, WHICH I KNEW WASNT TRUE. I know now whee he was, since I got the chance to meet this married couple, and she told me that my husband wasn't with anyone, my husband had previously told me she wasnt there, so she couldn't know what my husband did. my husband knows I would leave him over cheating, he knows how strongly I feel about it. I think he Is lying to me about not sleeping with anyone o r doing anything wrong. it has been 5 months now and I still believe differently. I cannot get him to give me any details on what he did for three nights and four days, and he is vey defensive when I tell him that I believe he cheated.I am basically looking for some input on someone else opionion. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can get him to discuss what he did all that time. I firmly bleive he had a one night tand and would never tell me the truth because he knows I would leave him and I have no desire to find out the truth years down the road. told him that as well. I really need closure on this subject. would welcome any ideas on getting the real story.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lindee said:


> my husband left several months ago for three nights stayed in another couples home I think he slept with another woman a one night stand I have asked him again and again but he denies sleeping with anyone will not tell me any details on yhose days he was gone. I think he did, someone give me some input on getting the truth from him


Yea, stop talking to him about it. He's never going to admit cheating until you have hard evidence. And even then he will lie in the face of the evidence. That's what most cheaters do.

Just stop talking, watch and listen. Keep an eye on his cell phone, computer, and what he's up to. When you stop talking he'll think your got over it and start getting sloppy with evidence if he's cheating.

If he cheated that one time, it's probably not the only time he cheated. The very fact that he left for 3 days and will not tell you what he was up to is, in my opinion, enough to divorce him. How can you stay married to a man who lies and hides things from you?

There is also another way to look at this. If he cannot be open with you about those days, then that is proof enough that he cheated.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Or.....he actually didn't cheat but likes having his hand on the "control lever" as a way a winning the fight in his mind. A punishment to you over the fight and he is the winner. 
Lying is always bad in any shape or form. Is he a habitual lair or this is something rare? 

Did he cheat....I don't know. The situation kind of sticks of it but not concrete for sure. Can you live with the fact you may never know? Only you can decide.

You never mentioned the state of your marriage before the event.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

More from the above:

Here is an example that happened to me that maybe you can use as an exercise to understand how you would react.

I was away for work with 6 other coworkers in a foreign country for a job that lasted 2 weeks. About half the nights they each had a prostitute in their bed.
They all indulged themselves even though they had wives or girlfriends. 

My wife had plenty ammunition to believe that I cheated as well even though I did not.

How would you react to this situation?

For our relationship it was no issue even though we were a bit surprised by the coworkers.

Again....I am not saying he did or did not cheat....just using some of my experience


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Any kids?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

What was the big fight about?

How did you resolve it?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

You'll probably never know.

If your relationship is this bad, why continue?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Unless he admits to cheating or someone clears the air, pushes aside the curly hair and reveals his sloppy deed, you will never never know.

Are you mad because:

He left you for three nights, four days, two hours and twenty-six seconds...

-or-

Because you think he cheated.

-or-

Both reasons.

..................................................................................................................

Why do you think he cheated? What other knowledge are you holding back? You seem to know what went on at the party.

I would find another male that went to the party. A person who is not a friend of your husband. Warm up to him. Do so as a caring wife, not so as an angry lady Woodpecker.

Tell him that someone told you that you husband fooled around with another women and you want more information. Very firmly, tell this person that you will NOT reveal the source. You will not cite his testimony.
That you need closure on this incident. And sadly smile the whole time you converse with him.

I said a male person. If no males will offer up any information then go to the women present, especially the married ones FIRST.

I suspect you are angry at him for leaving you, more so than his 'possible' cheating. Everyone at the party knew he had flown the coop. He embarrassed you and your marriage.
And you want him to pay.

For leaving and for cheating. He may not have cheated. Find out or let it go and observe him for years to come.

Get over your anger, or leave him.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Lies are largely precursors to cheating! 

It's an established fact that there were men, women, and their unbridled hormones there in that house. And they probably didn't show up there for the purposes of Bible Study! 

There were also his proven lies that he was off elsewhere at some hotel!

I think that you already know the answer to your question! You just have to come to grips in admitting it!*


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## steven.lill (Dec 7, 2017)

You have to decide what you want to do. Once your decision is made go on. Your constant questioning about what happened during those days he was away will eat you up, and probably make him even more determined not to tell you.
Life is all about carefully picking your fights, and this might not be something you want to fight over. 
You only have two choices: either stay and move on, or leave because your suspicion and insecurity about what happened OR NOT HAPPENED is something you can't leave behind. 
If you love your husband give him the benefit of doubt. There might be lots of reasons why your husband is not telling you what happened except him being unfaithful to you. 




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