# Vanilla wife. Bored husband



## Dude77 (Apr 12, 2018)

My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla. 
I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard. 

What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly. 

Am I messed up in my thinking? Am I really alone in this fetish? Or is it fair to have this need from your wife? 
Please give me your honest feedback... Thanks a bunch.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Lots of people have lots of kinks and fetishes - and lots of people have none at all. 

While some are, most people are not into any sort of activity that involves 3rd parties. (3-somes, dressing up to attract other men / women etc). Nothing wrong with having these *fantasies*, but its not something most people will do in real life. 

Roleplaying such things without in any way including other people might be OK, but its still something that many people are not into. 

Unfortunately if this is a fetish for you, you needed to find out if your partner was into it before you got into a perminent relationship.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Her feelings likely...likewise.

More so, this state, unlike wise.

Wise for both to wise up. 

Divorce her Vanilla from your Cosmopolitan tastes.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Steadfast personality colors that do not mix, nor meld, need to separate themselves.

Scoop themselves into single containers.
Some time later into a for-real hotbed that thaws your two hues.

The finished color, blush red. Cheery, cherry delight.




From CC, The Typist I notes.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

You're not alone in your fetishes.

You are however in a camp that can be quite polarizing. Bring up even the fantasy of mfm or cuckold with many women and they are not going to potentially freak. To be honest those fantasies do nothing for me as a man and husband.

As far as the sexy dress, your wife just may be conservative in how she wishes to be seen in public. This again doesnt really trip my trigger as I would only care that my wife can be free with her body in our bedroom/home.

You'll probably be told this many times on TAM. It doesnt matter if you are normal etc in your desires/fantasies/frequency etc etc. It matters if you and your wife are on the same page and/or compatible.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

So both of your fantasies involve another male in your sex life with her. And she isnt dressing sexy enough..

Alot going on here.. where did these fantasies come from? Porn watching?


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## Dude77 (Apr 12, 2018)

Possibly 😕



Steve2.0 said:


> So both of your fantasies involve another male in your sex life with her. And she isnt dressing sexy enough..
> 
> Alot going on here.. where did these fantasies come from? Porn watching?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


If you were being honest yourself you would admit that you wanting her to dress sexier when you go out was just to see other men being attracted to her. How long before you suggest that she wait for you in a bar and see do any men hit on her. 
This is a dangerous game my friend,she could get unwanted attention from some guy and you coming to her rescue could result in a fight. Some guy who feels cockblocked won’t take kindly to your games. 
Frankly you are trying to prostitute your wife and you seem to have a very low self esteem. Do you see her as out of your league looks wise? Maybe get some professional help before your wife is with another man. 
Permanently.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


Honest feedback? You can't help but feel the way you do and I give you credit for the honesty on your end but what you fantasies are not healthy for a 'real' marriage to survive and thrive as it's meant to. 

I hope you don't have kids and you shouldn't of gotten married. I guess this stuff is ok for people that are playing the game and maybe even dating if they have similar interests but I feel for your wife and I have an immense amount of respect for her for standing up for what she thinks is ok and not ok. These thoughts seem ingrained into your being. This is not like drinking, where you can get help and stop drinking and work on the issues together. This is who you are and if you were to get help it seems like it would be counter-intuitive to you are and end up as a big **** storm down the road. 

If you felt bad about thinking this way, that's one thing, you could get help. But you don't, it's what you want and who you are, not blaming you, just thinking out loud. I don't agree with it in my lifestyle but who cares, I don't fault you in terms of it just being who you are. Problem is, you think this way, she does not. That's ALWAYS going to be an issue. And if by some way you convince her to do some of this stuff, it's going to end up badly and she is going to be a wreck over something she is most likely going to feel really bad about. If you care about your wife, you would not do that to her.


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## Dude77 (Apr 12, 2018)

Thanks for taking a moment to share.

I hear what you are saying and it is something that scares me.
However if we ever do that - getting a guy to hit on her- it would be because we both agreed it is a kinky fun idea to play out. Never would I want her do such a thing just to please me and get me to shut up. These have to be exciting things we do together in agreement as a couple. 



Andy1001 said:


> Dude77 said:
> 
> 
> > My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> ...


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Dude77 said:


> Possibly 😕


If so, and your honest then I would suggest quitting porn for a while.. I think they said 90 days is the time required to get the habbit out of your routine..

You might find that after 90 days you are more than happy with your wife and start exploring new sexual things with her that you BOTH enjoy instead of trying to fulfill some scene you found on a video


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Dude77 said:


> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> 
> .



man, i know EXACTLY what you mean. Wife gets all dressed up for work, comes home, throws on dumpy clothes, pants covering her legs, shirts showing no cleavage or any hint of a nipple. It is a complete turn off. 

At home, and certainly when going out with you, she should go way out of her way to look sexy.

Now before i get totally flamed, i want to also say it works both ways....are you sporting the same hair cut you had 20 years ago, clothing that went out of style with Ronald Reagan? Not wearing any cologne? YOU have to be sexy for her too!


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## Dude77 (Apr 12, 2018)

Thanks my friend. I think you are right.
I would consider myself quite a disciplined person but quitting this has been one of the hardest. Shame on me. 




Steve2.0 said:


> Dude77 said:
> 
> 
> > Possibly 😕
> ...


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Dude77 said:


> Thanks for taking a moment to share.
> 
> I hear what you are saying and it is something that scares me.
> However if we ever do that - getting a guy to hit on her- *it would be because we both agreed it is a kinky fun idea to play out*. Never would I want her do such a thing just to please me and get me to shut up. These have to be exciting things we do together in agreement as a couple.


Here's the thing, you have already indicated she is NOT interested, definitely not interested as you stated. To continue to push this envelope would only be to please you and manipulate her into doing it. Take her answer as what she wants. Then go from there if you want to live a life like this. 

Question though, what was her reaction to all of this? Was she mad at you or reacted like forget about it and brushed it aside?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

There is nothing wrong with your fantasies or fetishes. Those are yours. Everybody has them, even vanilla people, who only wish to have vanilla sex (that is their fetish). The problem most people have is finding a person or persons who share yours with you.
Here in the US sex is such a taboo subject that most people never find a person or persons with which to enjoy and explore their fetishes with. People wig out at just the mention of sex which promotes an atmosphere where many are afraid to expose themselves for fear of being labeled a deviant or worse.
That is your real problem as well - you married (ie made legal commitment to) someone who is not compatible with you. It doesn't make either of you bad people, it simply means you are not a match for each other.
So you have two choices. The first is to divorce her and go out and find someone more compatible with your wants and desires. But that is a tough choice for many. Because many people would have anybody than nobody.
The second choice is to accept where you are at and who you are with. Some people can do this, but eventually your true nature will rise to the surface. That is often when people cheat or they simply give up and live a life they do not desire trying to be someone they are not. 
There is always the possibility that your wife may come around to your way of thinking, but that is a slim possibility.
You are living with the consequences of your decisions. You are the only one who can decide what course of action you will take. Good luck.


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## Dude77 (Apr 12, 2018)

You hear me man. 
And yes I do listen to her feedback about me and do my best to look my best. 





Talker67 said:


> Dude77 said:
> 
> 
> > What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


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## Dude77 (Apr 12, 2018)

What was her reaction?
She said it's "crap" and it's not her fantasy. She didn't get completely mad and have a major fight just said it's not for her. This is for the mfm, cuckold stuff. 

For me wanting her to dress sexy/****ty she is open to that depending on the location and timing but my observation is that she never takes the initiative even when I think it's suitable unless I nudge her. Which is what's disappointing for me. 





stillfightingforus said:


> Dude77 said:
> 
> 
> > Thanks for taking a moment to share.
> ...


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Did you tell her about any of this before 
you were married ? And be careful what 
you wish for. It may not turn out
like you want it to.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


Funny to see those defects now you're married. What about when you two were dating???? Was she the same vanilla/conservative way???? If so, then the hell you married someone who bores you to the skull???

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Ynot said:


> There is nothing wrong with your fantasies or fetishes. Those are yours. Everybody has them, even vanilla people, who only wish to have vanilla sex (that is their fetish). The problem most people have is finding a person or persons who share yours with you.


I agree with you *but *want to add another dimension to this idea.

Fantasies/Fetishes, like emotions, are real. You feel them as if they truly exists *BUT *the thing that caused those emotions are not always real. Just because you feel something doesn't always mean you shouldn't explore what caused them. _A self aware person is a powerful person._

Maybe you feel sad all day because you watch too much news, or click on too many articles that have a sad story. You are feeding this emotion. If you just stopped the habit of watching sad news you suddenly don't have the desire for that emotion anymore.

So are your sexual fantasies real... or are they caused by some outside stimulus that you feed. *Is it a fantasy that you want to continue to feed? * Well that's up to each individual


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

My friend is the straightest of them all..Goes to church twice weekly, gets embarrassed of sex talk, movies, etc but she told me that she wishes that her and her husband would get dressed up and go out.. She wants to sit at the bar while her husband watches!!! OMG!! (coming from her). Ask your wife to dress sexy and go out a few towns away. That seems harmless. Or even go somewhere totally different for the weekend and assure her that you won't see anyone you know.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You have a conservative wife who isn’t comfortable dressing sexy and you discussed your fantasy of MFM and cuckhold? 

Dude, quit porn, cold.

Focus on your relationship and where the boredom comes from. Which came first, boredom or cuckhold fantasy? 

If you felt bored, took to porn, got turned on by cuckholding, then you have a porn based fetish that is artificial. 

If you’ve always fantasized about being a ****..you probably shouldn’t have married such a conservative wife.

Getting a conservative woman to dress overtly sex can be done, very very slowly. Start with wearing an outfit (no too outrageous) just at home, maybe for Friday dinner. Once she comfortable with that, get a little more outside her comfort zone, just inside the home. Once she’s comfortable with that, go back to first outfit and see if she will consider wearing it for a quick drink somewhere. Make sure you never leave her side and make sure you explain that you love how jealous everyone is because your wife is so beautiful. (Don’t use ‘sexy’) slowly build from there.

But you may have already shot yourself in the foot if you’ve discussed wife sharing with her already. She doesn’t trust your intentions anymore, with good cause.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I'm so glad my own wife would never entertain the idea of bringing another man into our marriage. Sex is part of the exclusive intimacy we share. So I can completely understand your wife's position. I hope you learn to appreciate it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Dude77 said:


> What was her reaction?
> She said it's "crap" and it's not her fantasy. She didn't get completely mad and have a major fight just said it's not for her. This is for the mfm, cuckold stuff.
> 
> For me wanting her to dress sexy/****ty she is open to that depending on the location and timing but my observation is that she never takes the initiative even when I think it's suitable unless I nudge her. Which is what's disappointing for me.


Well then at least she is willing to dress sexy in the right surroundings.Are you willing to bring her to expensive restaurants or nightclubs where she is comfortable being dolled up to the nines or do you expect her to dress to kill for a trip to Golden Corrall.
The ball is in your court on this one.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

You need to learn respect for your wife. The whole post is about you you you. What you want. What makes you happy.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

cc48kel said:


> My friend is the straightest of them all..Goes to church twice weekly, gets embarrassed of sex talk, movies, etc but she told me that she wishes that her and her husband would get dressed up and go out.. She wants to sit at the bar while her husband watches!!! OMG!! (coming from her). Ask your wife to dress sexy and go out a few towns away. That seems harmless. Or even go somewhere totally different for the weekend and assure her that you won't see anyone you know.


Allow me to tell you a little story.
A friend of mine used to play in a cover band,he was the singer/guitarist and him and his wife used to play a sex game.She would come into whatever bar they were playing in just before the band were due to finish,she would be dressed to kill and she would walk right up to the stage and her husband would start to flirt with her.He would ask her what her favorite song was and then play it for her.It was always the Eric Clapton song “wonderful tonight”. Only the band members knew who she was and they played along,when the song was over my friend and his wife would have a drink and eventually leave together.
One night there was a group of girls on a bachelorette night and they had being flirting with the guys in the band all night.When my friends wife came in and they started the usual flirting one of the party girls took offense and smashed a glass into my friends wife’s face.She got dozens of sutures and even now after plastic surgery there is still evidence of scaring on her face.
These games should be played at home,not with strangers.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I'm so glad my own wife would never entertain the idea of bringing another man into our marriage. Sex is part of the exclusive intimacy we share. So I can completely understand your wife's position. I hope you learn to appreciate it.


This is why I would never reconcile with a cheating spouse. I agree with you. What my wife and I have is very special. We're the only two people in the whole world in our intimate circle. If we let anyone else in then the whole thing explodes never to return. At that point I'd move on and find something special with someone else.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Tatsuhiko said:


> I'm so glad my own wife would never entertain the idea of bringing another man into our marriage. Sex is part of the exclusive intimacy we share. So I can completely understand your wife's position. I hope you learn to appreciate it.


Agreed. To be a bit more crude, Ive always said I'd try most anything with my wife in the bedroom that didnt involve other people, poop, or pee. :grin2:


Andy1001 said:


> Well then at least she is willing to dress sexy in the right surroundings.Are you willing to bring her to expensive restaurants or nightclubs where she is comfortable being dolled up to the nines or do you expect her to dress to kill for a trip to Golden Corrall.
> The ball is in your court on this one.


Hey now, Golden Corral is one fancy joint. Ever see Jeff Foxworthy all done up in those commercials? Slick.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

OP, I did have another thought. Let's say your wife has her own fantasies. Hers is to watch another man with a huge thick 12" long member screw you in the anus. Will you be willing to do that or would you tell her you're not interested?


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

cc48kel said:


> My friend is the straightest of them all..Goes to church twice weekly, gets embarrassed of sex talk, movies, etc but she told me that she wishes that her and her husband would get dressed up and go out.. She wants to sit at the bar while her husband watches!!! OMG!! (coming from her). .


Yeah, and along comes the Pastor trying to pick her up.....What does the husband think then?:scratchhead:


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

First, I'd like to say I hear your frustrations. My XWW was also somewhat conservative in her attire for a long time, and there was nothing I could do to break her out of that shell. It took another man she cheated with to do that. (Not saying that's your wife, just saying that I've been there.)

I have to echo prior statements: I would assume you knew this about her before you tied the knot. My guess is that you married her anyway hoping she would change. Dude, that never happens. While hindsight is always 20/20, I think you may need to accept that if you stay with her you won't get what you're looking for, and if that's a dealbreaker for you then you would have to consider divorce.

She's only going to dress sexy if she wants to. Right now she has no incentive. Taking care of yourself, making yourself look better, being healthier, and focusing on you instead of her might do that. But be aware of the word "might". I am not in possession of a crystal ball, and you're fighting an uphill battle on this one.

You definitely need to think about your compatibility long term.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> *I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that.* Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes *all I want is to roleplay *the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> *What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but* she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... *which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns.* She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


First of all you can't force a spouse to change. Only they can change themself. You can ask them to change, but you can't force them. You can change yourself and you have been given some suggestions to that extent about stop watching porn. 

Is role playing the same as reality? Nope. Is your asking her to dress sexy in public a potential red flag to her? Yes! Stop it. She is a big girl and gets to dress herself. You don't get to select her clothes for her.
I once remembered asking my wife to dress sexy in public for me. She looked at me and said, "you didn't marry a ****, don't expect me to dress like one." She was right, she gets to choose the clothes she feels comfortable in.

Find something that you both like to do in terms of bedroom activities. Figure out what it is about mfm or cuckolding that has captured your imagination. Is it the humiliation, is it the dominance submission, the voyeurism, etc. Once you have figured out what it is that excites you, then maybe you can discuss that with you wife and see if there is some other role playing activity she will feel more comfortable with.

Good luck.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Guy with kinks marries a conservative woman. Within 2 years, posts on a website to complain about not being compatible. 

I’m thinking this is all on you. Not sure what you were thinking when you married someone you knew wasn’t compatible, but there you go. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dude...stop being dishonest with yourself and your wife. You want the reality of a Mfm experience. It's not just a fantasy for you. You've made it into this holy grail experience in your head.

That would be fine if your wife was also into that, but she's not and you know it. Yet you "secretly" hope things will change and she will want to someday. Except it's not so secret. She knows this and is probably sick about it. She knows that you can't get fully aroused without the fantasy.

Try reading this thread, by a wife who has a husband with similar fantasies to yours (though his may be more extreme). Read how much this wife is sickened by what she knows her husband wants. She may occasionally go along with the dirty talk/role play...but it is really just so she can get the sex over with and get him off of her.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...tasies-abnormal-me-breaking-our-marriage.html

When a partner is so focused on one particular fantasy that they can't simply get aroused by and enjoy who their partner really is, they can only get aroused by something completely different, how do you expect their partner to feel cherished at all? You are basically saying "who you are in itself doesn't turn me on." And then you get your feelings hurt that she doesn't comply with your demands for her to be something she isn't? That's very hurtful and crappy.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Guy with kinks marries a conservative woman. Within 2 years, posts on a website to complain about not being compatible.
> 
> I’m thinking this is all on you. Not sure what you were thinking when you married someone you knew wasn’t compatible, but there you go.


This is an honest question because I don't know the answer...but wouldn't this also describe your marriage? I don't mean the posting on a website within 2 years I mean the marrying someone you knew wasn't compatible.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> This is an honest question because I don't know the answer...but wouldn't this also describe your marriage? I don't mean the posting on a website within 2 years I mean the marrying someone you knew wasn't compatible.




No. Not at all. We were perfectly compatible up until the second kid 10 years into our relationship, 8 years married. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


I don't think you are alone or 'messed up' but I don't know if you have thought it through if you are thinking of bringing other people into your bedroom.

I think it's ok to ask for something but if your wife isn't comfortable with something you are asking of her, it's not ok to insist on it or sulk about it (I am not saying you are doing it, just more of a general statement).

I am quite happy playing along and indulging my wife's fantasies/role play and it's the same for her, with mine. Some of our fantasies interject, which makes things easier. However we both agreed we would never bring any real people into our sex life; sex is something very personal to us and the risks of ruining it are absolutely not worth it.

Maybe you need to communicate better about it. Does she not have any fantasies of her own?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No. Not at all. We were perfectly compatible up until the second kid 10 years into our relationship, 8 years married.


Wow, that sucks.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

How many times have you brought up these fetishes with your wife? I'm assuming you didn't just mention it once and came here to tell us about it. 

Why would you knowingly marry a conservative, vanilla woman and now want her to be a ***** just so you can get your rocks off? What part of that honors her as your wife and the future mother of your children? You knowingly brought a porn addiction into your marriage and from that porn addiction, you have developed this cuckold fetish, and now you want your wife to compromise her morals (not to mention her physical and mental health) by banging other men. Why would you do that to someone you claim to love? 

If you don't have any children with her, I'd suggest you don't, because I see a divorce in your future. Unless you get professional or spiritual help for your sick cuckold fetish, your marriage will most likely end in divorce. Quite a number of women who engaged in open marriages to please their husbands eventually left their husbands because they lost respect for their cuckolded husbands, sometimes by choosing one of the men they've been with. Close that door shut or deal with the eventual fallout. The children usually end up hurt from the divorce, so choose wisely.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This is my perspective on this topic as a sexual woman.

I could possibly get down with more than one man or more than one partner, at a time or in whatever configuration. I'm not opposed to new sexual adventures and nothing really shocks me or makes me feel squicky about this topic. It is something that many people enjoy.

However, if I were to actually engage in this or entertain a man's fantasies about it, it would mean that I don't see him as my emotional equal. I would see him as an object to play with. I would never give my heart nor my inner true self and all her fantasies to anyone who would actually share me like that.

First of all, if I were to have a MFM, which I have never wanted in reality....but if I were to fantasize about the best way that could happen for me....I wouldn't want it in the way the OP is describing. I'd want it in my own way, a way that has nothing to do with what the guys want and only what I want. A way where the two guys are basically there to rub me down with a long massage, then take opposite ends of my body and begin arousing me in various ways. Neither would be focused on the fact that there is another man in the room, they would only be focused on me. Neither would be aroused by anything but me. Both would be highly skilled with their hands and mouths and focused on giving me pleasure. Their own pleasure would be received by pleasing me. From there, I get sex in a bunch of different ways and ... well you get the idea.

So what does this fantasy tell you? That the men within it mean nothing to me. They are here for my disposal. I'm not attached to them emotionally. And maybe it can help the OP and other men who have this fantasy understand the other selfish side of it. Maybe you can understand that your **** fantasies are boring or offensive to your partner because they have nothing to do with her. Because she's just an object in your fantasy, as well as the men in your fantasies are.

Real people who actually want to have sex with each other as they are, have better sex than all of that displacement and delusion. 

Again, I'm not against this type of play. I just would only do it with people who don't mean anything to me emotionally. 

My last boyfriend liked to talk dirty about lots of guys doing me sometimes. I actually had fun with him like that with dirty talk, because I knew he would never actually want to share me. And he had to trust that I didn't want to be shared (that I loved the sex with him and wasn't wanting anyone else) before he expressed that kind of fantasy with me. That was sharing a fun fantasy that was truly just a fantasy. If there was any hint of truth to the fantasy, I would not have been emotionally close enough to him to share any of my fantasies (that I did not want to live out). Knowing each other's fantasies that we did not want to act out kept us emotionally close and trusting each other more and more over time. It was so fun to share what was in our minds without worrying if this "meant he/she actually wants that". 

Any hint of actually wanting that puts you in a zone that you can't ever get out of. The "object" zone.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Many years ago (before kids), my ex and I would do this game. She would dress up super sexy, LBD, stockings, make-up, hair up, etc. and go to a bar. Then about 30 mins later I'd get there and we'd make this scene like I was hitting on her, then we would leave together. It was a lot of fun actually. The last time, when I got there a dude was sitting next to her, had bought her a drink, and was talking to her. When I started talking to her, he got all puffed up. We eventually told the guy that we were married and he wanted his money back for the drink. I gave it to him LOL. That got intense and we never did it again.

If your wife agreed to any of what you're fantasizing about, could you actually handle it? Porn really does warp reality.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Cromer said:


> Many years ago (before kids), my ex and I would do this game. She would dress up super sexy, LBD, stockings, make-up, hair up, etc. and go to a bar. Then about 30 mins later I'd get there and we'd make this scene like I was hitting on her, then we would leave together. It was a lot of fun actually. The last time, when I got there a dude was sitting next to her, had bought her a drink, and was talking to her. When I started talking to her, he got all puffed up. We eventually told the guy that we were married and he wanted his money back for the drink. I gave it to him LOL. That got intense and we never did it again.
> 
> If your wife agreed to any of what you're fantasizing about, could you actually handle it? Porn really does warp reality.



If I had to pay for another dude buying my wife a drink, that would the end of my fantasy too! 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

The other thing about fantasies which just occurred to me...the fantasy is only of interest to me if my wife is also really into it and enjoying herself in it. 

If I notice she is not, during dirty talk or actually doing something, that fantasy or act becomes dead to me or stale or just not interesting anymore because the fantasy itself is never because I am bored or unhappy with my wife or our sex life and need something else to make it ‘interesting’. It’s quite the opposite; the fantasy is there in order to enhance the bonding experience with her as she gets aroused more intensely and gives me the opportunity to experience HER more intensely. It may sound counter intuitive but that’s the main reason. 

For example, I really enjoy to have sex outside sometimes (not because I want to be watched or the thrill to get caught; beautiful remote places in nature for some reason always made me kind of horny, and not just ‘romantic’). Because she enjoyed those times too, it was very fulfilling and if she didn’t, I probably would never want to do it again.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

How was your sexual compatibility prior to marriage? Were you both vanilla and only recently discovered your kink (you really can't call it a fetish unless it is the /only/ thing that produces climactic arousal)? There's nothing wrong with your kink/fantasy, it's actually more common than people realize, but it is something that cannot be used as a wedge between you and your wife. 

If you knew about it before marriage then it was definitely on you to make the effort to communicate what your own sexual desires/needs were, but if it wasn't, then you may want to explore what has suddenly brought it up. Was it porn? Did you hear about a friend or see something portrayed in a non-pornographic way that inspired you? 

A lot of really great points have already been made, specifically regarding the perspective your wife may be coming from. It's a great thing that you felt comfortable enough to share your fantasy with her, it shows a lot of trust on both of your ends (yours to share, hers to reject it). At this point you've let it out into the air and unless she specifically brings it back up again in any sort of fashion, you're going to have to be ok with letting it go. Maybe she'll come around at another point, but it sounds more likely that she won't. If you have a marriage worth more than your sexual compatibility, then you shouldn't have a problem. 

If you both perceive this as an unspoken issue now, however, then I suggest counseling to help with the communication and give each other the space needed to fully understand where each other is coming from. If eventually it turns out that you can't be sexually compatible and it is something that you won't be able to shake, then that is something to address with her/a counselor, possibly an attorney if divorce is chosen, and then speak to the members of the hot-wife/cuckold community on fetlife for support and understanding this particular kink to help communicate it in a future relationship.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> The other thing about fantasies which just occurred to me...the fantasy is only of interest to me if my wife is also really into it and enjoying herself in it.


I've realized, with the gift of hindsight, that the quiet awareness I eventually developed that my then-husband was wired the opposite of the above was one of the most damaging things ever to happen to both our relationship and our sex life. 

At some point in the middle years of our marriage, I came to a vague understanding that he was actually pretty turned on not just by his fantasies, but also by the knowledge that I was repulsed, humiliated, and even sometimes afraid of his desires to enact them. That's why however far I was willing to go in participating, it was just never enough. He needed it to be not just outside my comfort zone, but _way_ outside it, ever further outside of it. He wanted me to dress sexier than I was comfortable with (he really likes an overtly trashy/****ty vibe), but he wanted it more because he knew it made me feel very exposed and uncomfortable. He liked other men ogling me, hitting on me, even being aggressively lewd with their comments and groping. But he liked it even more because he knew it made me feel degraded and sometimes frightened. He was excited by my discomfort and by the feeling of power it gave him over me. I think of it as a sort of sadism-lite. 

Some people find those games mutually enjoyable. I do not. I need a certain amount of emotional connection and trust in my partner in order to be into sex. For me at least, very little eats away at the trust required to have a really intimate and connected sex life quite like the dawning realization that what really gets my partner going is my discomfort, humiliation, and fear.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So your wife isn't interested in 3rd parties in your marriage (I think that is a GREAT thing).
What OTHER fetish/fantasies do you have or that she has that you can share together? 

If it's too vanilla, why don't you try other things with her -- toys, positions, etc. 

I agree with MiddleOfEverything -- whatever we are both comfortable with and NO 3rd (or 4th, or...) parties involved.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rowan said:


> I've realized, with the gift of hindsight, that the quiet awareness I eventually developed that my then-husband was wired the opposite of the above was one of the most damaging things ever to happen to both our relationship and our sex life.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Ugh. Sounds horrible. There is a big difference between pretend-humiliating someone (when they themselves are keen on it and asked for it) and actually enjoying someone being humiliated for real. That’s just wrong.

These things go both way btw: if you are not comfortable humiliating someone when they asked you to, it can also be traumatic also for the person doing the humiliation.

One has to be really careful and talk through these things with each other properly. The problem is a lot of men set out with the attitude that their partner is their ‘object’ and proceed pushing the boundaries without any thought or concern for their well being.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> So your wife isn't interested in 3rd parties in your marriage (I think that is a GREAT thing).
> What OTHER fetish/fantasies do you have or that she has that you can share together?


the thing about fetishes and fantasies is....you BOTH need to be enjoying them. Maybe you think if you ask her long enough she will give in to this cuckholding fantasy...but why not just pick something ELSE. Bondage, role play, cross dressing, etc? things that push her envelope, but do not risk the marriage?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...


*IMHO, for as long as you stay away from the threesomes and the cuckolding ideology, I think that you'll be fine!

Love her for who she is, not who some third party whom you're attempting to bring into your relationship with her is!

As your wife, she demands a preeminently higher priority! Honor her for who she is, or just let her go in your pursuit of the kink!

She doesn't deserve that!*


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

Try to compromise. Maybe she can do something semi-revealing.


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## norman (Mar 20, 2018)

Does your wife have any fantasies of her own? Have you asked her? Perhaps you could compromise with her. Try to find something fun and exciting for her to try and maybe she'll give in a little for you. As for the dressing up part: how do you generally dress when you go out somewhere with her? Maybe wear something she really likes or dress up really sharp, and maybe she'll follow.

You are definitely not alone in this fetish. I have quite a few roleplaying fetishes that include cuckold and mfm, though I would never want any of it to actually come true in real life. It's just fun to play out fantasies. I'm actually very protective of her, but get turned on at the danger/risk/jealousy part of my fantasies. I was very nervous to tell my wife about them, and it turned out she actually dated a guy with a cuckold fetish once, only they actually went through with her having sex with other guys! Aside from my absolute shock and jealousy of this revelation from my wife (it was hard to imagine my sweetheart could have done such things), I was relieved that she was into the idea of roleplaying with these fantasies.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Dude77 said:


> My wife (31 yo) and I (34 yo) have been together for about two years. I'm the kinky one with all crazy ideas and fantasies. She is very conservative and vanilla.
> I've brought up fantasies such as mfm, cuckold, etc and she definitely isn't ok with that. Which is fine with me if it never happens sometimes all I want is to roleplay the idea in bed with her as it gets me hard.
> 
> What I would really like her to do for me is to dress sexy when we go out but she says it's not comfortable for her to do that. And quite often she is dressed very conservative and covered up.... which bores me and I've clearly told her my concerns. She finds it weird and silly.
> ...




It is possible for a couple who are not both into kinky sex to get along fine. 

It certainly does not mean one of them needs to cater to everything the other one wants. Your wife certainly does not need to have sex with other men, for instance.

Have you considered the idea your fantasy could be driven by similar feelings to other kinky ideas? There are lots of kinky things you two could get up to without including any other people in your sex play.

Men who like to be humiliated by having their women have sex with other men also like to be humiliated and subjugated in other ways. Such as by a dominatrix.

Have your wife tie you down and tell you what a naughty boy you’ve been. After that she can have her way with you as she sees fit. See if that helps fulfill some of your kinky quota.

Trouble is women seem to hate taking that role in sex, from what I read.

My only experience is reversed.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> For me wanting her to dress sexy/****ty she is open to that depending on the location and timing but my observation is that *she never takes the initiative even when I think it's suitable unless I nudge her.* Which is what's disappointing for me.


If it is something YOU want then you need to be willing to ask for it. I mean, expecting her to be the one to initiate something that really doesn't interest her is unrealistic.


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