# Teens-- phone-- bedtime



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Just wondering what others are doing.. 

My son says he is the only one at school who is NOT on his phone after 8 pm and the most rested kid there is.. ha ha.. I know I can be extreme but I want to do the right thing. I have a 14 and almost 16 yr old. And made them wait till 8th grade for a phone. I also don't allow video games M-F but this is sliding due to having a phone. They are great kids who I believe are well grounded--very patient with me also! The older one who said this, is an excellent student who plays soccer and basketball and I feel it's my responsibility to make sure he is rested. And if I bend a bit for him then I have to for the younger one.

The older one bought a cracked phone and was staying up at night with it. When I caught him he cried. I did not ground him because he knew he was dishonest. He then sold this cracked phone for a profit! 

Anyways... what should I do? Drink after dinner? He has mentioned that he will start reading to get more time on his phone. Last night I did allow him to stay up till 9:30 with his phone. Is that the norm these days? When we joke about this, I remind him that no one is perfect and I want the best thing for him.


----------



## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

I'm with you entirely on the issue of no video games during the school week. I did it with both my kids (S24 and S15) and I can say it was one of the best things I did. Although the both enjoy video games they are both very active socially and don't have the issue of video game addiction like so many teens and young adults do now.

As far as the phone goes, the simple rule is that (only tallking about the 15 year old now) he can have it all evening up until he goes to bed. once he goes to bed it stays in the living room to charge, otherwise he would be on it all night chatting with friends.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I try to let my kids make their own decisions. Of course, I guide that process so their decision is in line with mine.


----------



## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

our youngest is 9 and has to put up all electronics at 830 when she goes to bed. Our older daughter is 13 and goes to bed about 930/10. We do make her put the phone up before bed and absolutely no phone calls after 830(we are just old school and don't like calls after that). One reason she is allowed a later time is she is usually the one to send out all texts about team practices/games. Since they often don't get in from a sport until 8-9PM we give her a little leeway. She has taken advantage of it in the past, but is generally pretty good about not staying on it to an unreasonable hour.

on non-school nights the only real restriction is not to stay up all night on them. For some reason they prefer to watch Netflix on the small screens of the phones/ipods rather than on the TV in their rooms.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

My youngest is almost 16 and if I don’t take her phone away at bedtime on weeknights she’ll be up all night and be a zombie the next day. She’s a mean zombie too. She fights this hard but I stick to my guns. When I give her the phone back each morning it’s filled with alerts from friends that came through at various times all through the night. The schools have got to be filled with cranky zombies all day everyday. I sure don’t envy those teachers, at all.


----------



## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

My 12 year old recently got a phone and he has to hand it to me at 8PM when his little sisters go to bed. He's in bed at 9PM. I do allow video games during the week but that's because, with his 2 hour long competitive soccer practices M-Th (and games every weekend), he deserves an hour of down time provided his homework and chores are done.


----------



## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Keep on with what you're doing - being a firm, responsible, yet reasonable parent.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Wow, very different parenting styles than mine. 

16 is damn close to adult, so I treat my 16 year olds (my kids are 24, 19, and 16 ) like an adult for the most part. I only step in and swing a ban hammer at plans when it's a safety concern. Otherwise, welcome to making decisions and suffering consequences.

I stopped doing bedtimes, confiscating electronics, or monitoring video games at about 12-13. They learned real fast how to self-regulate. 

The last one at home is my son. He's a NHS member taking AP classes, volunteer peer tutors, is on the track team, works a part time job 20-25 hrs a week and just got a raise and a promotion. He bought and paid for his own phone and his gaming computer while maintaining his self-made strict budget and growing his savings. My hard rules are an 11 pm curfew and no getting in cars with teenage drivers. He pretty much does as he pleases within reason because he's shown he can handle it.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Keep up with the rules, you are being a good responsible parent.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I don't recall my kids going to bed at 9 pm past 1st grade... Phone or not.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

This is becoming a tougher issue for parents. My kids are all in their 20's now.

My son was the last in his class to own a phone, probably around 9th grade (maybe 8th). His older sisters got their phones when they were 16 and started driving. I told them the phone was for me, not for them! It was so they could call me if the car broke down or if they lost track of time and suddenly realized it was after the time they were supposed to be home. My son's social life was being impacted without a phone because all communications were being done between friends using various chat apps. They weren't voice calling (we still had a land line at that point), and they weren't using computer apps (which weren't as integrated as they are now with phone apps).

What we finally figured out was that the girls especially were feeling social pressure to be available at any moment. Somebody in the larger group would send out a mass text message or something on MySpace, and the girls feared if they didn't respond then they would be ostracized from the group.

Similarly, they felt under pressure to attend every single social event. By the time they were juniors in high school, there would be something every Friday and Saturday, and even some things during the week. They were afraid to miss anything because they'd never be invited again.

My rule was no electronics during dinner. No more than 30 minutes of either tv or phone/computer when they got home before doing homework. No electronics until homework was completed. No electronics after an hour before bed. One of the girls would hide under her covers with her phone! So we had to confiscate her phone for a while.

It is a lot harder now to ensure kids aren't socializing on their devices while doing homework compared to when my kids were in high school.

Keep at it though, because your son will benefit from the discipline. Plus, he will recognize the benefits when he gets to college and sees how so many students are hobbled by their screen addiction.

My eldest daughter now has 4 kids of her own, and she is very strict with screen time. Much stricter than I ever was!

Back in the Jurassic when I was a kid, my mother would kick me out of the house regularly. I was limited to something like 2 hrs of tv per week (no cable back then). She would tell me to go outside and run around. I tried that with my kids, and we did keep them in sports, but modern sociology seems to be paranoid about child abduction, plus the neighborhoods all have fences everywhere. We had almost no fences back then, and lots of woods or small farms, or the school playground nearby.


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Thank-you for all the responses.. It helps to read about how other parents are raising their kids.

My parents were pretty laxed with all 4 of us and so far we are all good... ha My kids are great kids and I want to keep them that way. I want them to stay on track for college. The no video game M-F was made by my neighbor when kids were young and I followed because I wanted them outside. They moved away but I kept it up because it was just easier! And yes when they had a rough week of sports/school activities I allowed an hour or so.

This phone thing and HS is something else. Son understands but then there are days where he is mad. Like today after practice, he was on his phone for 3 hours so I had to put my foot down for him to put it away-- he has a game after school tomorrow. I think that's MORE than enough time-- and he had it all day at school. Over the weekend he went to a party and got home at 1am-- late for me but another mom drove him home so I was fine with it. I'm sure as time goes on I'll be more lenient as long as he stays on track with school.

Had a dental appt today and talked with hygentist-- she has a teen in HS and said all devices are turned off by 8pm in her house. She just feels it's better for the kids and also as a family. So I guess I will just take it day by day-- based on what is going on that day or week. The younger one will be getting his phone in about a month so I'll have to stay on top of him. Deep down I know my kids respect my boundaries so I need to learn to bend a little for them or at least the older one.


----------

