# I'm between my fiancee and another girl. I need another man's advice.



## ThatCollegeGuy (Jun 5, 2012)

*I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

Ok so I’m going to get to the point. I need some advice.

I’m getting married next month to my fiancée. My fiancée has been battling anxiety and depression. Well I guess maybe it’s getting to me. I was bored one day while she was asleep and I went on Chatroulette. Well, while on there I met this girl named Karli. I’ve stayed up late just to talk to Karli secretly while my fiancée sleeps cuz she’s sick. I’m really starting to like her. Like we text back and forth. I feel so so so so so so so guilty that, last night, I actually wanted to cry myself to sleep. Idk if it’s because I’m feeling guilty and I know I have to hurt Karli because I’m getting married or because now I kinda feel trapped. I have some of the best times with my fiancée, I mean enough to want to marry her. I’m just very confused and I know it makes me the biggest **** for talking to another girl behind my fiancee’s back, so please don’t judge. I’d really like some advice. I’ve only been talking to Karli for like 4 days now, and that’s an amazingly short time. Maybe I’m just feeling comforted by Karli right now because the depression is getting bad (she’s on med, it just flares up once and a while). I don’t want to leave my fiancée and take the chance. Please lend me some help.


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## ThatCollegeGuy (Jun 5, 2012)

Ok so I’m going to get to the point. I need some advice.

I’m getting married next month to my fiancée. My fiancée has been battling anxiety and depression. Well I guess maybe it’s getting to me. I was bored one day while she was asleep and I went on Chatroulette. Well, while on there I met this girl named Karli. I’ve stayed up late just to talk to Karli secretly while my fiancée sleeps cuz she’s sick. I’m really starting to like her. Like we text back and forth. I feel so so so so so so so guilty that, last night, I actually wanted to cry myself to sleep. Idk if it’s because I’m feeling guilty and I know I have to hurt Karli because I’m getting married or because now I kinda feel trapped. I have some of the best times with my fiancée, I mean enough to want to marry her. I’m just very confused and I know it makes me the biggest **** for talking to another girl behind my fiancee’s back, so please don’t judge. I’d really like some advice. I’ve only been talking to Karli for like 4 days now, and that’s an amazingly short time. Maybe I’m just feeling comforted by Karli right now because the depression is getting bad (she’s on med, it just flares up once and a while). I don’t want to leave my fiancée and take the chance. Please lend me some help.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

My advice to you you is to "grow up". Either you are going to get married and be loyal, or you are not; which means you shouldn't get married. Don't waste emotional energy, both yours and hers. Call the wedding off and continue to play the field. Your not ready for marriage.


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## ThatCollegeGuy (Jun 5, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

Yeah, I see what you're saying. Everything was okay until Karli came into the picture. It's my responsibility to remove temptations and stay with my fiancee. I feel I am ready for marriage. My fiancee has been sick for the past week and been upstairs in the bedroom for a week now. Maybe I'm feeling neglected and Karli is that "ray of light". I'll wait until my fiancee gets better and things will most likely return to normal. I've been with her for 3 years. If not, then I'll talk to her about it. Maybe it's just cold feet.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

It could just be cold feet, but you have to be the judge of that. Going to another woman isn't going to help you decide, that's why I think you should reconsider.

BTW: I'm a guy, I shouldn't have replied to you. I forgot what forum I was in.


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## ThatCollegeGuy (Jun 5, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

That's ok, I posted this in the men's lounge too. I think it's cold feet. What if I'm making the wrong decision? She's been on depression meds since october, what if it doesn't get better? I'm really confused...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

And you think you're ready for marriage?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Your fiancée is not for you if you can be so easily strayed.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

If you're not able to be committed to the woman you are about to marry, then please tell her now so you guys don't get married. You're cheating on her with some cyber-sleaze you don't even know. You clearly don't want to be with this woman and you're clearly not mature enough for marriage. Please let your girlfriend go so she can find someone more worthy of her time than you. You have a lot of growing up to do. (I'm not trying to insult you, just trying to call it like I see it.)


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

[My fiancee has been battling anxiety and depression].You need to put the weeding on hold until your fiancee get her issues under control so she can manage from day to day because you will be dealing with two major illnesses which is a very difficult situation.You need to stay by your gals side while she battles them before you get married.


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## InTheBedIMade (May 20, 2012)

didn't look at another woman sexually for at least 10 years into marriage, and at that point I had no interest in pursuing.

Long story short...You're not ready for marriage.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

This new girl is of no consequence, you`ve known her for all of 4 days.
Stop talking to her, cut her out of your life, do it now.

The fact that she does seem to mean something to you after 4 days of chatting is more telling than anything else in your post.
You have some serious self esteem issues for some reason.

I would advise you to call off this marriage.
You obviously aren`t ready for such a commitment (Get that self esteem problem looked at) and even if you were I`d advise you not to marry any women who is "battling anxiety and depression".

You think you`re dealing with anxiety and depression now?
Just wait until after the "I Do`s".
You ain`t seen nothin' yet.

Call it off, dump the chat chick, and re-evaluate your fiancé and yourself.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yep, have to agree with the others. You're not even married and you're already straying. Cancel the wedding and figure out what you want to do. She sounds like she's going to need a lot of care from her man. Do you want to be a caregiver to her? Or do you want to free her up to look for a man who will want to provide the emotional support she's going to need? She doesn't sound like she's going to meet your needs. You're not married yet. Don't make a mistake. Let her go and you should move on.


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## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

Whatever you do don't get married to your finacee, from what you've written here you have absolutely no future with her. Walking away now will be painful for sure, but nothing like the pain and money involved in a divorce.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Don't get married! 
You gave in that easily? 4 days and your hot for someone you never spoke to or met? How do you know it's not a man or transvestite?

OK, you've been 'nexted'


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## Crazy8 (Jun 1, 2012)

So, you don't think that something's missing from your relationship with your fiance' for you to go look for something or someone else? If you have doubt about that question, then maybe this isn't a good thing. 

This could just be cold feet too. 

You know, the day I married my wife, I about had an anxiety attack. You know what went through my mind? "Oh my gosh, I won't be able to go whoring anymore!". Then I thought, "Wait a minute, I didn't even do that when I was single." I relaxed and went back to sleep.

I told my wife about it too. She laughed so hard. It was pretty funny.

Only you know the answer. Take this advice about your fiance'. If there's doubt, then there is no doubt. You shouldn't marry her. Postpone the wedding at the very least. You need time. She needs to be able to understand that you love her, and that you need to make sure that this is what you want. She has to love you enough to give you that time.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

You sound very immature. No, you aren't ready for marriage. Tell her you want to put it off for now, and then figure out which girl you want...not both.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

I'm going another way on this.

You have cold feet. Nothing to be too alarmed about. If you know this is the woman for, in sickness and in health than drop the chat girl.

She's probably a HE anyway. On the internet 90% of the "girls" you talk to are dudes.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*



ThatCollegeGuy said:


> Everything was okay until [INSERT ANY RANDOM GIRL WHO FLIRTS WITH YOU AND STROKES YOUR EGO] came into the picture.





ThatCollegeGuy said:


> I feel I am ready for marriage. My fiancee has been sick for the past week and been upstairs in the bedroom for a week now. Maybe I'm feeling neglected and Karli is that "ray of light". I'll wait until my fiancee gets better and things will most likely return to normal. I've been with her for 3 years. If not, then I'll talk to her about it. Maybe it's just cold feet.


Looking around or being vulnerable to other women just because your needs aren't getting met for a short time is a pretty big red flag. 

How old are you? I assume you're still in college?


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Crazy8 said:


> You know, the day I married my wife, I about had an anxiety attack. You know what went through my mind? "Oh my gosh, I won't be able to go whoring anymore!". Then I thought, "Wait a minute, I didn't even do that when I was single." I relaxed and went back to sleep.
> 
> I told my wife about it too. She laughed so hard. It was pretty funny.


It was indeed funny! LOL


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

*Re: I'm a guy, between my fiancee and another girl. I need a woman's advice.*

Huh. Given that he posted the exact same thing asking for male advice, I'm guessing he's not only in college, but he's taking a psych class in summer school and this is his research.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You'll need to expand a bit more on what is, or isn't going on with your fiance.

Mental illness is a very, very, substantial burden in which you will share. Doubts are to be expected.

Changing your mind as a result, (we don't know the extent of her depression and anxiety) is an acceptable outcome, if that is what you choose.

The chat-roulette girl? That's a distraction. The girl isn't the issue. Your concern about the relationship with your fiance is.

Marriage ... for you, now ... does not sound like a wise life-choice.
Take the chat-girl out of the equation. Talk more about the woman that you intended to spend the rest of your life with ...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Sorry.. but, It's happened once, it will happen again. You are not ready for marriage.

If you are feeling lonely & not appreciated romantically from your sick fiance , and you need to go online to meet someone to fullfill that.... how bad are you gonna be 10 years into the marriage??

Leave her now before you break her heart after all the cost & commitment to a marriage.


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

I haven't had a chance to read all of the advice but honestly my ex husband did this to me when we were engaged... You think it's great because the one thing you aren't getting from your fiancee' your running to get somewhere else. Remember the 80/20 saying? Your only going to get 80percent of what you need in any marriage...Don't go looking for that other 20. If you can't handle your fiancee' at her sick moments then you will never be able to uphold your vows....Enough said.


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## Confused42 (May 25, 2012)

Well it seems like your not ready to be married. You choose to love a person and commit to that person. It does not mean that you will never have an attraction for another person. The problem is YOU let that happen. You care committed so you need to stand by your commitment. 

If you feel like you cant stay committed to your finance. I have advice. Love is not a feeling it is a verb. It is a way to show an action toward another person. You need to learn how to commit. If not you will bounce from one relationship to another in your life and never be happy.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I guess he didn't like what he heard here.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Would need more information to actually make a more informed response... have you been with your fiance a long time? Have you talked to her in depth about her depression/anxiety and what does she believe is the root of the problem? Is she getting actual therapy for her issues or is she simply medicating? Medicating alone will NOT work, you have to get counseling in order to effectively work through the problems, find the root issues, and develop new and more effective ways of dealing with the challenges in life. 

When you commit to someone with long term depression/anxiety, you really have to accept that it is a disability that they are dealing with and that they may very well deal with for the rest of their lives, and in doing so you are going to be accepting a certain level of responsiblity to care for that person and be understanding of those problems. 

What is it that you really do love about this woman? If your answers are based in the physical realm "she is so beautiful, the sex is amazing, she has an awesome body" then you are NOT ready for marriage. Successful marriages are built on answers like "We have so much in common, we enjoy so many of the same hobbies, I feel like I can tell her anything, I feel completely at ease with her." If the sex is great and she's gorgeous, well, that's just a plus, but certainly NOT the most important part.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

You've got cold feet honey. Every guy has them. That doesn't mean that you should be with Karli as you talking to her online doesn't mean jack crap. For most people..it's a mere "honey moon" period and a simple online crush.

You don't even KNOW this Karli chick..just some random chat online where she probably said evey single thing a guy wanted to hear.

How long have you been with your fiance? How long were you together before you asked her to marry you? Obviously there was a reason you fell in love with her..irregardless of her depression and anxiety (which btw...can be fixed with medication).

Don't be so selfish thinking that some random chick online is going to come along and fix everything while the two of you ride off into the sunset as that will be soooo shortly lived..you'll never forgive yourself.

My advice to you is to support your fiance through her depression, etc...and marry her if you still love her as much as you did the day you proposed. One day YOU may have a crisis..and while looking for help and support through it...your sweet wife will probably be there to help you through every minute of it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No one goes searching for dates online because they are "bored".

Your relationship with your fiance has problems, admit it. Problems YOU don't want to deal with. Problems you don't want to tie yourself to...and that's ok. Break it off NOW instead of after the wedding...

Your fiance will find out about this, better to cut it now than 2 years from now and possibly a kid.

Don't marry her. Enjoy college.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Best advice i can give you * BE A MAN*


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> No one goes searching for dates online because they are "bored".


Well, technically chat roulette isn't a dating site
It's just a place where you take a chance to see or chat with people for kicks.
You spin the wheel and see what you get when whoever is on the other side pops up on your screen.
7 out of ten times it's some guy wanking himself
It can be entertaining... Sometimes.
I don't think it's a place to go looking to hook up



> Your relationship with your fiance has problems, admit it. Problems YOU don't want to deal with. Problems you don't want to tie yourself to...and that's ok. Break it off NOW instead of after the wedding...
> 
> Your fiance will find out about this, better to cut it now than 2 years from now and possibly a kid.
> 
> Don't marry her. Enjoy college.


Agreed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Straying on your fiance is not going to help with her anxiety and depression issues. Drop the online chick. She's nobody to you, and what does it say about her that she's getting involved with a man about to get married?

I agree you are not ready for marriage yet. I suggest you hold off on the wedding. You and your fiance don't have to break up...just wait a few years, grow up a little and see where things go. You two can still get married in a few years if you still want to.


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