# Is it strange I have not dated yet?



## JustFree (Sep 17, 2014)

a little background, married and living together for 13 years, wife with a double life for a lot of them. I was devastated and started the divorce process in May finalize it legal separation beginning of September. Money has been exchanged house is written off is completely done. Just have the waiting period. I just don't seem to have the energy for approaching woman no matter how much I would like some companionship even just for dinner. I know I will hear it takes time but I can actually envision being alone for a very long time. I am typing this on a phone so it probably will have typos
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No it's not strange at all. It's actually very healthy.

Take this time to heal, to do things to improve yourself, figure out how you happened to have ended up with a woman like your stbx so that the next time you don't repeat.

When you are ready to date, you will know.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

People have different paths. I dated soon as my divorce was final which was like 3-4 months after I discovered her affair. No right answer. Just when it feels right. However make sure you aren't avoiding people all together. That can be unhealthy


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Now I feel strange. My divorce has been final for a year and I haven't dated, either.

Ask yourself why you raised this question. Is someone else saying "get back in the saddle" if so, tell them to bug-off. Are you lonely? Get out of the house once in a while. If you're not ready, then good-gosh don't rush into it.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Nope! not at all. Just means you are taking your time to reaquaint yourself with you. Take all the time you need


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

It's different for everyone. Don't rush into dating because you feel like you "should" or if others are pressuring you. Take the time that you need to focus on you, and when you're ready, you'll know.

One thing I would say is this: even if you're not dating making sure that you're getting out and having a social life. Going out with friends, doing new activities, that sort of thing... it really helps with the self-esteem and the healing process.


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## JustFree (Sep 17, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> It's different for everyone. Don't rush into dating because you feel like you "should" or if others are pressuring you. Take the time that you need to focus on you, and when you're ready, you'll know.
> 
> One thing I would say is this: even if you're not dating making sure that you're getting out and having a social life. Going out with friends, doing new activities, that sort of thing... it really helps with the self-esteem and the healing process.


I am getting out as much as possible because you are very right about the self esteem help. 
I suppose I am the one who is pressuring myself wondering why I am so hesitant about dating but at the same time want to very much.
I guess I just got burned so bad that this will take time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

To me, it's not strange. I was the same way post-split. It took me a very, very, very long time to even entertain the idea of going on a date with someone. And I was totally fine with that because I really wanted to spend some time alone.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Not strange in the least.
Take your time and most of all listen to your guts.

You have been through some crazy crap and its VERY normal to be iffy about companionship. Alone time is good. Self reflection is good.
Bandaiding with a new relationship so soon is not a good thing.

Take care of yourself, get to know yourself better and be an even better catch when YOU decide its time to seek the copmany of the opposite sex.

Just remeber if you walk onto the field damaged...you will attract damaged people.

If you are healthy and whole...you will attract them instead.


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## JustFree (Sep 17, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> Not strange in the least.
> Take your time and most of all listen to your guts.
> 
> You have been through some crazy crap and its VERY normal to be iffy about companionship. Alone time is good. Self reflection is good.
> ...


Well said!


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

If it makes you feel any better, I have not "dated" in since my D. I was in a LTR and I am just not ready. It is has been over 2 years, although I have a few "girl" friends. We talk and on occasion go out. However there is a clear line I keep about dating ..Just not ready..


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I signed the D on Monday, after 2 years of separation. Had one man approaching for a coffee, dinner, and didnt have the feeling to go even for the coffee. I dont think is not normal. I think is better to take your time and as other have told you be alone and heal. Getting into a new relationship so soon may lead you to fall for her just for the need of companionship and affection and later one the of the two may end hurt.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

JustFree, one thing to remember is that there truly is no normal or typical when it comes to Life. Each of us must make our own choices, based on what each of us feels is best for our selves. I find my self comparing my self to others a lot as well. It is something that I need to do a better job of keeping in mind. 
The fact is, is that most of us got to the point we are at because we tried to comply with the standards of normal or typical. Often times it was this effort that actually made us the most unhappy and kept us in unhealthy relationships. Date when YOU are ready to date, not when society attempts to dictate when it is normal or typical. As SJ said, heal your self and you will attract healthy people.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Well if ur strange:scratchhead:........ I have been separated/divorced since 2009 -haven't been on a date since.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I've been divorced since December 2010 and haven't dated. I just don't feel the urge, but I'm happy.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I didn't date until 2 years after divorce. Healing was the right thing for me and I kept busy. 

You will know when it's the right time.


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