# Is there any hope for me?



## marie_schmidt (Aug 9, 2015)

*My husband and I have agreed to get a divorce today. I don't have any emotion except confusion and a bit of resentment against not just him but myself. I never got married to set one up for failure. However it seemed that from day 1 that is where it was headed. Within two weeks of marriage he was surfing the web for pornography and talking to female co-workers in a sexual manner and about hooking up etc. As far as I know he has never physically cheated on me but came close to it many times. I am not a political person, I have my views and opinions of things but am not passionate about politics in fact some discussions of it repulses me. However throughout my marriage my husband started discussing his interests in it and is now doing political things full time. I started detaching from my marriage from the moment of the first time he started talking to other women and not wanting to be intimate with me. In our now almost 5 years of marriage there has been 3 to 5 months at a time that we haven't had sex. I am 24 so I clearly have a drive and always wanted to his words were always an excuse about him feeling bad or "its not you its me!" today I was scrolling through my phone bill it was a little higher than normal they said we had a few collect calls. I found out that my husband has been calling someone he claims to be tied to politically and that they exchanged numbers to discuss politics????we argue probably 5 out of 7 days a week I love my husband and he claims he loves me but i just can't take the fighting anymore Do i have too high hopes? is it time to give up and go through with this seperation/divorce or is there any slight hope at all for my marriage?*


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You've agreed to a divorce from a man who is clearly cheating. Why on earth would you be asking if there is hope for this marriage? 

Don't waste your time on this person, move on and let him discuss "politics" with all the women he wants.


----------



## sadwife2012 (Aug 19, 2012)

You've both agreed to a divorce so clearly neither of you wants this marriage. Nobody gets married to get divorced but sometimes nothing can make a relationship work, especially when one person is cheating from the outset. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Get out and get on with your life. You haven't failed: look upon it as a learning experience.


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Be happy you are so young, can make a fresh start, find someone who wants and loves you. This guy has been cheating all along, in my opinion. Sex talk, etc...equals cheating but it likely went physical as well. Lots of marriages do not work out...that is what divorce is for. No one marries expecting it to fail. At least you did not invest most of your life with this uncaring jerk.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

No. There is no hope for you in this relationship.

Divorce.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

If you both agreed to the divorce then? He is probably cheating and is not H material if he has been looking at porn and talking to other women. He has no respect for you, get out now when you are still young and have a chance of meeting someone who will respect and love you. This is not a marriage.


----------



## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Think of marriage as a neutral entity. Now, does the people involved have the temperament to make the relationship work, because it is an effort that needs to be taken by both to do so.

You have a partner who likes being single, likes the attention from other females. His ego stroking comes before his relationship with you when the reasons why we form relationships is to have our needs met that can only be met with another person.

You are in protective mode, keeping him at arm's length because sex, , has the potential to bond deeply, reinforcing that attachment, and you are protecting yourself from further hurt.

You want him to love and value you, but you cannot make another person feel the way you want, nor do the actions that are loving, all you can do is learn to live with misery or move on.

I would look at divorce as a success in your case. The goal is a fulfilling life, and with him, that is not possible. What is more important, a marriage, or having a great life. Is being married to a serial cheater more important than being a healthy individual?

How much of your life, your potential do you want to place into a potential black hole? Take away your love, and learn to see him as the person he is. Without that love, you would be running for the hills.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

How long did you date before marriage?
The reason I ask is, it takes at least a year of dating before you can even begin to know a person... usually living with them as well gives an even better indication (although not everyone wants to live together before marriage or without some kind of commitment to marriage).

As others say, you're young. I married at 23 and divorced after 30.

I'm sure you've learned much from your marriage, my suggestion would be... rather than be bitter and negative, take away the important lessons regarding what you want in your next relationship... what you want in a man... what you want for the future. Then go and seek it.

Not to sound insensitive or blunt here, but the brain doesn't even complete its development until your late 20s, so it's entirely possible that even if the relationship seemed great at the start, you both grew apart as you developed your own interests (like his politics). This is what happened with my ex husband and I.

Porn is a tricky issue here... if he is substituting porn for intimacy with you, then he is very well emotionally detached.

Sounds like you're not well compatible, so I'd say, just divorce amicably, spend some time alone to heal before you jump into a new relationship, and carry the wisdom forward.


----------



## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Honestly at this point I think your boots are made for walking! Stay strong and realize you are young enough to bounce back quick and move on with someone who treats you a whole lot better and is a better fit for you......


----------

