# Implications of male - female 1 to 1 networking



## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

As some people say that men and women cannot be "just friends", what are your thoughts on 1 to 1 networking between male and females?

For example, male and female colleague go to lunch / evening meal in restaurant to network. I've heard people justify this by saying that they don't get time to network in office time, so lunch / evening is the only time available.

I've seen some of these arrangements in restaurants and invariably the conversations turn to social talk and often flirting.

Does anyone have boundaries with their partners on this kind of situation?

Is 1 to 1 networking between male and females in such environments acceptable?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I don't go on dates with women other than my wife.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

Healthy networking occurs in groups on neutral territory sticking to appropriate subjects. one on one meetings with the opposite gender are done in an office setting in a common area such as a board room with the door open unless you like divorce and rumors that are toxic to your marraige


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

During E.M.T. Training, we had to work in groups and spend time together outside of class to coordinate and discuss procedures and practice. Even in groups bonds between individuals formed. One on one would have been deadly for opposite sex trainees.

As is, I had to break from the group because a young woman started behaving in an inappropriate manner towards me.

My wife caught it first and told me. Love her for the heads up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

If you feel the need to have a lot of 1-on-1 dinners with the same opposite sex co-worker/peer, then you probably aren't very efficient during regular work hours. Are you both so inept that you need to have special facetime to catch up to the rest of your organization who have gone home to their families for the night?

If real work is not the majority of these mealtime pow-wows, then I like to refer to that as dating.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

I would say Yes, it is possible, 

As long as at least one of you is gay, or a eunich.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I've had lunch with men at work from time to time, usually in groups, and never dinner or after hours. I don't see the problem, nothing inappropriate and hb always knows and is welcome to join. I keep emotional boundaries in place, and I also have a good relationship with my hb. I think if I didn't it would be riskier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I've had lunch with men at work from time to time, usually in groups, and never dinner or after hours. I don't see the problem, nothing inappropriate and hb always knows and is welcome to join. I keep emotional boundaries in place, and I also have a good relationship with my hb. I think if I didn't it would be riskier.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


me too. no issues either way. 

i went to doc the other day. the female doc gave me the eye before she left the exam room. i let my W know i'll be changing docs. guess the doc doesnt see a lot of guys who work out. just a bunch of flabby males. my W just laughed and said forget about it....


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

I have no issues with this because my husband and I trust each other  

IMO a "date" is in your head, not in what you do or who you're with. Even if I did have some sort of an issue with it, I'm not going to let my insecurities jeopardize my husband's career.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Q tip said:


> me too. no issues either way.
> 
> i went to doc the other day. the female doc gave me the eye before she left the exam room. i let my W know i'll be changing docs. guess the doc doesnt see a lot of guys who work out. just a bunch of flabby males. my W just laughed and said forget about it....


LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Lunch with male/female work colleagues 1:1 is ok, but dinners? Nuh uh.

Dinners with male/female colleagues in a GROUP situation is another thing altogether. Where I used to work, this was a regular occurrence.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> LOL!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's funny but it is how things were with my 1st wife. Everything flowed openly.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jdawg2015 said:


> It's funny but it is how things were with my 1st wife. Everything flowed openly.


I was laughing at the female doc. Picturing having to examine blubber!! &#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I've spent whole nights alone with female colleagues just cruising round in the car with the radio on. Except the car had blue lights on the roof and the radio was two way!

It was a job. Yes we talked about 'non job' things but rarely were they of a personal nature. We were professional about it.
But boy the opportunities were there...some fell into the trap.

We all have to be adult about it...business lunches (and dinners) with female colleagues are a fact of life. If I go out for a business dinner with a male colleague why not a female colleague? 

If I said; "Sorry Jenny, I know David and I went out for dinner last week to discuss his sales targets, but because you are a woman I can't take you out for dinner to discuss your sales targets. Coffee in the boardroom at 9.30 OK?"

Get real. Ok, had Jenny and I had dinner, agreed on her sales target for the year then gone to a hotel room and flucked each others brains out all night....thats something different.
If thats all we wanted to do, why not cut the dinner, cut the coffee in the board room and just taken a hotel room at 9.30am and gone for it!

Lunch/dinner with a female colleague is fine...unless you want to get 'personal'.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I was laughing at the female doc. Picturing having to examine blubber!! &#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;&#55357;&#56833;
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


...I'm sure its in here somewhere....ah...there it is!.... Yes, its phimosis.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

askari said:


> ...I'm sure its in here somewhere....ah...there it is!.... Yes, its phimosis.


I'm dying here! &#55357;&#56836; I feel for medical personnel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Dinner is where it starts. Asking employees to dinner to discuss sales targets when they cant say no my spouse wouldn't appreciate that because it violates our boundaries is presumptuous that everyone has the same values as you and obnoxious because it is insensitive to others values that are different than yours and it takes them away from their family against their will because you have them by the wallet. 

Get real? No! You get real and get a life like all the spouses that you screw over with your flawed view of your importance and your insensitivity to family values over money and your ego. Get a life like the spouses that are forced by self preservation of their jobs to put up with employers violating boundaries of those that want to eat with their family. 

IF you can not wrap up your business during business hours then I question how effective you are at work any way.


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## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

askari said:


> I've spent whole nights alone with female colleagues just cruising round in the car with the radio on. Except the car had blue lights on the roof and the radio was two way!
> 
> It was a job. Yes we talked about 'non job' things but rarely were they of a personal nature. We were professional about it.
> But boy the opportunities were there...some fell into the trap.
> ...


That's not what I have seen. I work in London and notice the 1-to-1s I see in restaurants. They tend to start of with business talk for the first few minutes, then convesations move to other things. Add a couple of drinks the the mix and things to tend to get flirty. Goodness knows how their spouses feel about all this, if they are told?

I think what we are seeing is this whole culture of discussing work in restaurants, clubs etc was a thing that was done when there was male domination in the work force. As more women have entered the workplace, these "work cultures" have not adjusted.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

There will always be a degree of flirting between male and female work colleagues etc. I won't deny it.

But it doesn't all lead to a hotel bedroom.

Yupitsme - thank-you for your very thoughtful and constructive input.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

askari said:


> There will always be a degree of flirting between male and female work colleagues etc. I won't deny it.
> 
> But it doesn't all lead to a hotel bedroom.
> 
> Yupitsme - thank-you for your very thoughtful and constructive input.


I don't flirt with women who aren't my wife.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I don't flirt with women who aren't my wife.


I have sex with them, but it's only business and I would never flirt! &#55357;&#56841;&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't flirt with other men, especially not where I eat. I don't get workplace involvements at all, don't see what good can come from that.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

askari said:


> There will always be a degree of flirting between male and female work colleagues etc. I won't deny it.
> 
> But it doesn't all lead to a hotel bedroom.
> 
> Yupitsme - thank-you for your very thoughtful and constructive input.


But there's enough cases of this happening to clog CWI with devastated spouses.

Look, there is a big difference between a lunch on occasion because of a looming deadline, or highly trained law enforcement officers who are placed together as partners, or a group dinner to meet dignitaries at work. I'm talking about Joe and Susie from Accounting who have dinner twice a week and go to happy hours together on a regular basis to "talk shop". Going out ALONE with the same opposite sex co-worker is not conducive to marriage. Neither is thinking it's OK to flirt since "everyone does it". Where is the cutoff? First dinners, then drinks, late night texting while your spouse is asleep next to you, it can be a slippery slope. If you want that lifestyle, that's fine...but maybe see if you're spouse is on board with that too.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

One of the reasons it isn't cool is because some believe "everyone does it so it's OK" 

NO EVERYONE DOES NOT DO IT AND ITS NOT OK

Here is what EVERYONE NOWS THO > Too many are too stupid or too weak OR BOTH for those that would be fine to participate because the OTHER person is an idiot.

It is also interesting to think of a boss of the opposite gender asking their subordinate to dinner no matter what the EXCUSE. Smooth sailing to a sexual harassment claim even if it is completely made up. Who wouldn't question those motives and the necessity of that environment?

If you don't "keep it professional" then you are unprofessional. IF you are unprofessional I wont and don't want my wife going to dinner with you. 

Is this getting thru?

It's bad enough that too many have to tolerate the "everybody does it" morons at the office. 

Some people like yours truly would sue your a$$ when you get cute with mine. You think you're slick? 

Bring it! I dare you!


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

askari said:


> I've spent whole nights alone with female colleagues just cruising round in the car with the radio on. Except the car had blue lights on the roof and the radio was two way!
> 
> It was a job. Yes we talked about 'non job' things but rarely were they of a personal nature. We were professional about it.
> But boy the opportunities were there...some fell into the trap.
> ...


Having an opposite sex partner as a LEO is inevitable. You have shared that your marriage is in shambles. I'm sure it wouldn't take much for you to fall into temptation or fall into the act of an affair if over time the female gave you the attention you wanted or needed. This is not an affront to your character, just a reality of what happens to people in crappy marriages. However being LEO partners is different from making dinner or lunch dates alone. Then again, in those situations you can actually be spending more time alone than dinner business partners out for a bite to eat.I mean heck, emails can pretty much cover most communications if it really comes down to it.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Attention subordinates: 

Regardless of your gender, marital status, values, personal responsibilities or tolerance for me violating your boundaries, please find your name on the following schedule for a mandatory one on one dinner meeting with yours truly so we can review your sales figures and future with the company. 

Your future depends on the conclusions arrived at in this one on one dinner meeting with me. If you are smart or nervous about your performance review and my opinion of your usefulness to me and this company, you will dress hot for me if you are not my gender. 

I'm not saying your career depends on your behavior, discussion points or decisions at this one on one dinner meeting with me, your opposite gender boss. I will instead manipulatively allow you to punish yourselves with your rightfully cynical imagination and respect or lack of it for my integrity and motives be the determining factor how you should approach this very bad idea of mine. 

Expect flirtation and poor choices for subject material to be a predictable part of this inappropriate meeting because everyone does it so of course we will too. 

Have a nice weekend with your family but don't spend all of your paycheck in one place since it might be your last one in the likely event you throw a drink in my face, kick me in the nuts, flip the table over during desert, file suit, and tell me "f uck the f uck off I'll see you in court and I am calling your wife loser" or something to that completely deserved truthful sermon to an egomaniacal oblivious transparent idiot

Just sayin'


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

YupItsMe said:


> Attention subordinates:
> 
> Regardless of your gender, marital status, values, personal responsibilities or tolerance for me violating your boundaries, please find your name on the following schedule for a mandatory one on one dinner meeting with yours truly so we can review your sales figures and future with the company.
> 
> ...


It's not very nice to call his wife "loser"


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I don't go on dates with women other than my wife.


*Amen, Sammy! I'm not mentally, much less even physically capable of handling more than one!

But for an old fart like me, two might not really be such a bad idea ~ more especially to take to bed at the same time as a threesome! That way, when all of us start making out, and I suddenly get tired and fall asleep on them, at least they will still have each other to talk to!

*


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

YupItsMe said:


> Attention subordinates:
> 
> Regardless of your gender, marital status, values, personal responsibilities or tolerance for me violating your boundaries, please find your name on the following schedule for a mandatory one on one dinner meeting with yours truly so we can review your sales figures and future with the company.
> 
> ...


Just curious, has anything happened, in the course of your marriage, that would trigger the rants you have displayed on this thread.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

i would never marry the type of person who would cheat. that, my friends, starts with me. i would never and can never cheat.

thats all i can do. be the best person i can be. i am absolutely imperfect, but can and do control everything i am able to. always learning.

if W cant keep up with me, she earns her freedom from my life. thats all she gets. away. her toxic arse is out of my life. i am in control of my life and chose friends carefully - and i have many. good friends. decent folks I can trust. real friends. with integrity.

same expectations i have of my W i have of myself.

luckily, life is chock full of lessons learned. just decide to learn from others before you learn them for yourself. its really all common sense.

when you feel really and uterly stressed with life and work, just remember. is what you're stressed about all that important? is what you do on the job so important? just go laugh at yourself and just get stuff done as good as you can. then better tomorrow.

and go to the gym and work out. your opposite sex doctors will like it. a lot it seems. they have to deal with utterly obese people every day. give them a break they enjoy meeting people who eat well and exersize. see? I've learned something the other day.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

1 on 1 networking, catching up with OSF alone, and gasp, even over a meal, all acceptable and allowable in our relationship.

If there is an attraction there, proper boundaries always fall naturally into place. I'm not going to be going to a candlelit dinner with a woman I want to screw. But I also don't go out of my way to avoid going out with friends or co-workers, regardless of sex.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

This day in age...go to dinner with female colleague to discuss target dates and sales stuff? No thanks. Send me a figgin email. My time off from work is just that.


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