# I need to close the door



## unspokenwind (Feb 23, 2012)

A lot of things have happened. I mean, seriously, a lot. Now, I may be young---let's just say we're both around our 30's and we've been married a few years.

The first part of our marriage was pretty rocky. There's no denying that was the worst experience I had ever encountered. You see, when we first married, we moved, and needless to say, my husband met a girl who sewed seeds of hatred and disgust. Instead of talking to me, he would go with her, alone, and all this other crud. I'm not saying he was with her sexually; I doubt it because he is asexual, apparently. 

Needless to say, lines were crossed. And, even though I was kind, even when I turned my cheek a million times, this woman still has tried to come after me. She's turned people away with their lies, and for some reason, people can't see her for the snake she is. She constantly tried to get my husband to divorce me, and as you can imagine, I have no kind feelings towards her. After all, they constantly talked bad about me, too, so, as we can tell, my husband can be exceedingly immature. 

However, that being said, after a few years of SO MUCH FUN, we moved to a different state, and I must tell you that our marriage has DIRASTICALLY improved. BUT, he still chooses to associate with this woman, and I know he still tells lies about talking to her. I thought once we moved we would be done with it. I thought I could just close the chapter and we could move on, but because of him, the chapter is still open.

No amount of screaming will get him away from his beloved friend, so I've given that up. No amount of telling him how bad it is for our marriage matters. He doesn't and won't stick up for me because he's a social coward. I did tell him the other night, very calmly, without anger, when he was talking with her that yes, it hurt me a lot, and that every time he talked to her, it just reminded me of how much heck I went through. I also told him he couldn't and shouldn't expect me to be happy with their relationship and that I wouldn't support it. However, I wasn't going to fight about it, but that was my opinion. He sort of paused, wavered, and went, “Whatever.”

He's tried to make up for a lot of things. I do give him credit for that, so please don't go jumping, “What an awful guy! Leave him!” Because when he's not being an idiot, he's actually the best and most wonderful, charming man around. 

His family is sort of the league of black sheep. They're always telling rumors and lies, so it's a wonder why he hasn't picked up the habit because, well, I'm a Scorpio, and yes, that means opinionated, but since my husband has absolutely no spine, well—that's that. 

Anyway, long story short, I need to forgive this girl anyway. There's no sense in having all this hatred and sorrow. I'm trying to heal, but I need to figure out in my head, in my heart, regardless of them, a way to heal and move on. EVEN IF this woman continues to do things to me, I don't want to take part in it. Frankly, I wish she'd blow away in a hurricane and not ever return. She's nothing but poison. 

I want to close the chapter. I want to end the suffering. I'm so angry. I've tried to let loose most of it.....but, ach! Please keep in mind that I do have OCD, so it's harder for me to shove subjects to the side. I still feel awful about stupid, irrelevant things I did as a child. 

Since I can't change anyone but myself, I need to simply forgive. I just need to forgive anyway. How can I psychologically convince myself I am satisfied enough to forgive? That no justice is needed, only forgiveness?

As far as I am aware, the current conversations aren't about me/bad convos. There have been a few times where I felt that I needed to put my foot down, and I told him precisely how I felt/thought, and as far as I know, he hasn't crossed the line since to my knowledge. 

Again, things are going sooo much better. He is a lot more attentive to my needs and being a good husband. I just need to get this behind me.


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## SomeLady (Feb 21, 2012)

How can you put it behind you if he won't?


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

Your husband needs to respect your opinion. He doesn't at all. If he did, he would eliminate this OW from his circle completely. My H didn't respect me either. I finally gave him D paperwork. I suggest you either try to get him to counseling, or if he WON'T go, go by yourself. That is the biggest mistake I think I made. If I had gone, it might have showed my H that I was serious about our problems.
Good Luck. I hope something happens sooner than later, because you will have so much resentment eventually, that you won't be able to get over it.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

You can't forgive until he has stopped this EA! He is being unfaithful to you and you are allowing it! 
He needs to stop all contact with her and put you first. By not doing this he is telling you that his relationship with her is more important than your marriage and how you feel.
This needs to stop or you will never move forward!
Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Asexual? How long?


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