# soo..all by myself...



## alania (Oct 25, 2011)

I just had an amazing orgasm.. all by myself. It was great, actually the husband still isn't that great at reproducing them, well to be honest when I do have one with him I have to "help". He is working till midnight but was home all week and has turned me down everytime.. so I took my toys and took my sexual gratification onto my own hands. I am 27 and have only been having orgasms for about a year now. Wow didnt know what I was missing. So anyway when the husband works nights and evenings I usually do this.

But since he turns me down for sex, is it natural for me to do this to satisfy myself and not be "tempted" so to speak? Were working through some issues but I am finding more and more that I really enjoy it by myself and I know men do it a lot but women don't really talk about it as much. I feel good and I know its physically healthy. But how often is too much? It doesn't take my desire away for sex, if anything it boosts my willingness to do more with him. 

Thanks for anyone's input


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If you're getting turned down, I'd say go for it! But fair warning... Self fulfillment only goes so far. Deal with the root causes of your husbands lack of desire, or your resentment will build as your self esteem drops. And your sex drive is likely to increase as his drops.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I would say that if you've only been having orgasms ever at all for a year, then self-exploration is definitely a good thing no matter what. The only way you can show your partner what works for you is if you know! But, if that's all you're getting, PBear is right. It doesn't replace actual intimacy and eventually no matter how cool your toys are...you still actually want actual flesh and bone (ha ha!) involved. Neither way is the one and only, you want it all to work!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

PBear said:


> If you're getting turned down, I'd say go for it! But fair warning... Self fulfillment only goes so far. Deal with the root causes of your husbands lack of desire, or your resentment will build as your self esteem drops. And your sex drive is likely to increase as his drops.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I read your post about having an amazing orgasm by yourself.

Good for you!

Yeah, people will tell you it is better to have them with your guy.

I disagree. Not better, just different.

If you enjoy masturbating, welcome to the human race!

Just about everyone does it.

Any woman who tries to tell you they do not is lying to you.

And I don't think any guy would bother lying.

You should not feel guilty whatsoever for giving yoursel as many orgasms as you feel the urge to have.

If there are relationship issues deal with those, but denying yourself some joy? No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

alania said:


> But how often is too much? It doesn't take my desire away for sex, if anything it boosts my willingness to do more with him.


I think it becomes 'too much' if it starts to negatively impact your relationship with your spouse - if you would rather masturbate than have sex with your spouse - there is a problem with the relationship that needs to be addressed.

I know that you and your husband are trying to work through some things right now. Do you think that he could feel intimidated/hurt that he was not able to be the one to get you 'there' on his own?

To me, that is the danger of something like this - I tend to think that sexual intimacy should be a JOINT venture within a marriage, and should be explored together. When one goes off exploring on their own too much, things can start to get dicey.

Best wishes.


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## Jefro (Oct 26, 2011)

It is not bad for you to find pleasure in yourself. Not saying its better then when your man does it for you, but when you bring yourself there its easier, at least for me and most people i have asked, cause you know where to hit and how. when my wife tried to try to get me off with her hand as i do when i masturbate, it took forever and the "o" wasn't as intense. but it was the trying that i appreciated. It made me love her a litle more since she was doing it to try and please me. 
I guess this whole tyrade is just to say, its upsetting to me to hear that a husband will not make an attempt to please his wife. I do understand that there are problems ya'll are working through and i wish you the best, and i truly hope for you to experience a true orgasm given by your man. Physically, it may not be better, but mentally, the fact that your man is willing to give it to you, just may shoot the intensity through the roof to the moon.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I will be brave and say that self-pleasure is "different" than an o during sex. More intense. One of my friends recently agreed with this as well. Not always, but then you know exactly what to do. I'm sure most men do as well. 

If it wasn't for self gratification... I'd be walking around pretty darn grumpy. All I have left now. And that's okay with me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

deejov said:


> I will be brave and say that self-pleasure is "different" than an o during sex. More intense. One of my friends recently agreed with this as well. Not always, but then you know exactly what to do. I'm sure most men do as well.
> 
> If it wasn't for self gratification... I'd be walking around pretty darn grumpy. All I have left now. And that's okay with me.


As a guy, I would disagree that my orgasm is more intense alone vs. with a partner. If I'm alone, it typically isn't drawn out to the same degree as with a partner. Plus her pleasure is a large part of my arousal as well. So my orgasms with my partner are often much more intense.

My GF was gone for 10 out of the last 14 days, and came back with a cold and other issues. After the last 9 months of 5 to 7 times a week, our next get together promises to be interesting. The DIY thing doesn't do nearly as much for me since meeting her, so I've just gone without while she was gone.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alania (Oct 25, 2011)

michzz said:


> I read your post about having an amazing orgasm by yourself.
> 
> Good for you!
> 
> ...


I have to say I disagree with your statement that any woman who tells you they don't is lying because I truly never did. I had tried a few times with no luck and was like "whats the point? I want my man". Because the sex we had was fulfilling on an emotional level. This happened by accident, a friend gifted me this vibrator and I had messed with it a few times even with my husband but didn't get much out of it. Then I was in the mood one night and hubby was at work and it happened by accident. 

So since I am 27 I didn't really start masturbating till 26. Even when I was a teenager, had tried a few times and "explored" myself, but never enjoyed it. 


Yes we are working through some things, but that is a whole other thread, lol. He's getting some test done to check testosterone levels and stuff and were going to go to a psychiatrist for marriage counseling. We do cuddle at night and hug and kiss, but recently once a week is enough for him if I am lucky.


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## alania (Oct 25, 2011)

Oh and as far as bother my husband, he actually seems relieves that the pressure is off of him..my biggest pet peve is that he masterbates and then can't have sex with me because of it. We will be going and he will stay hard but.never get there, and he will be like "i took care of it this morning, I didn't expect to have sex". Or my biggest peve when he says "we didn't have it last night and I list couldn't wait". I feel cheated, I wish he would save that energy.for me. That used to happen a lot, now he claims he only masterbates like once a month. I don't know if that's true but I wonder if he could be masterbating too much and hiding it from me. At least when I masturbate it doesn't prevent me from wanting more.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

PBear said:


> If you're getting turned down, I'd say go for it! But fair warning... Self fulfillment only goes so far. Deal with the root causes of your husbands lack of desire, or your resentment will build as your self esteem drops. And your sex drive is likely to increase as his drops.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, self fulfillment does only go so far. After a while it sucks...


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

alania said:


> I just had an amazing orgasm.. all by myself. It was great, actually the husband still isn't that great at reproducing them, well to be honest when I do have one with him I have to "help". He is working till midnight but was home all week and has turned me down everytime.. so I took my toys and took my sexual gratification onto my own hands. I am 27 and have only been having orgasms for about a year now. Wow didnt know what I was missing. So anyway when the husband works nights and evenings I usually do this.
> 
> But since he turns me down for sex, is it natural for me to do this to satisfy myself and not be "tempted" so to speak? Were working through some issues but I am finding more and more that I really enjoy it by myself and I know men do it a lot but women don't really talk about it as much. I feel good and I know its physically healthy. But how often is too much? It doesn't take my desire away for sex, if anything it boosts my willingness to do more with him.
> 
> Thanks for anyone's input


Heres the thing, you can enjoy it by yourself and eventually you wont be concerned that he turns you down for the real thing. Like some of the other posters said, resentment will build if you continue with said process. Trust us, men know about masturbation and ruining relationships


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## danjensv (Nov 1, 2011)

Nothing wrong with it. Every marriage goes through time when one partner or the other just isn't into it for whatever reason. Stress at work, kids, schedules, illness, etc. Masturbation can fill in for a while, take the edge off and maybe even teach you something about yourself. Go for it and do it as often as you like. There's no law that says you can't enjoy a little self-love because you're married.

Talk with him about it. It might turn him on. He might encourage it. It might even be a relief for him if he's not feeling up to having sex to know you're taking care of yourself. Sounds like you have a schedule problem with him working evenings and nights. Seems perfectly reasonable to take care of yourself, especially if it gets you excited for better sex with him. He may not feel like doing it that often, but when he is up for it you can really show him a good time.


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