# Here is my intro-Been lurking for a month on standard evidence



## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

Hi, to the veterans thank you for your dedication.
I am here a believer that people can change but only due to trauma or for the right person?

I love my husband he is the wayward in our case. We are 35 married 13 years. Our children are 3 and 4. We in my opinion had a great relationship but it wasn’t obvious my husband was suffering some type of fatigue. Problems became obvious after 2nd born.

My H has had jobs where he has had to go over seas and be near former and current service people of young and attractive nature. Never did I think he would risk that. However when we married I was 180 lbs 5’7 I have a small waist and large upper and lower curves. I guess I mention this because I worry maybe he settled for me even though he is attractive and could have his pick he picked me. 

He is conflict avoidant and shuts down at the sight of an inquiry.

Our dday was April fools day. I found out because I resolved to dig. My heart had been telling me for years three years he has been detached I’ve done everything I can. He always just said it was a porn addiction. This was the catalyst to up my game even more but it put me at a deficit. I was already competing with invisible women. 
I’m here to get advice on monitoring because the flags have returned.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

He has opportunity but do you have evidence he has acted on that opportunity? 

You say he watches porn (or has a porn addiction). That an also cause detatchment.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

Porn can easily cause a man to lose interest in his wife. You need to talk to him about this as it will be a barrier forever.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Conejita said:


> Hi, to the veterans thank you for your dedication.
> I am here a believer that people can change but only due to trauma or for the right person?
> 
> I love my husband he is the wayward in our case. We are 35 married 13 years. Our children are 3 and 4. We in my opinion had a great relationship but it wasn’t obvious my husband was suffering some type of fatigue. Problems became obvious after 2nd born.
> ...


None of this is your fault. Please stop taking ownership of this. You can't do enough to make your husband not cheat on you anyway. Cheating is his choice and his responsibility.

I suggest you really change your focus and work on you figuring out why you are owning your husbands bad behavior. Truthfully this is really your only path for happiness anyway. You need to make the goal yourself and not your marriage. The marriage is not his goal obviously so it's very unfair that it is yours.

Listen to me, even if you were morbidly obese and completely detached, love doesn't cheat on you. Meaning he is not acting in love or like he loves you. Besides I think none of this has to do with your size, which for many, many men would be fine. Again this is about him. Please stop taking ownership of this. 

Have you confronted him?


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

You guys I am fairly new to this posting format.
Discovery day was April 1st.
I discovered:
A week after he was sent to another state he signed up for zoosk mingle2 love in denim, adult friend finder, so many other sites.
He had an actual affair on nov 1 that lasted twice a week until he returned home.
He continued to call OW
He saved screen shots and sent them to hisself to a alt email. Had I only checked the phone records. His affair lasted from November to end of December. He continued to call and text her unbeknownst to me up until the dad day it swindled down a bit to texts every now and then.
He had an app called signal downloaded.
He had an ipod.
A month later from discovery day April first- which was (months after the actual affair occurred November) I found condoms I tracked the date down to manufactured aug 2016.
My husband cried and was on the floor but not before he attempted to destroy every shred of evidence. He has only ever admitted to what I already know.
He currently is displaying repented behavior but is distant. His penis is super clean with no scent. Hysterical bonding has taken over our already high libido. Thursday’s he is extra uninterested.
He is glued to his phone.
Toss it to me now. I know he has a mother-he suggested I put a VA. R into his car.
He has mentioned people at work having affairs.

My dilemma he is doing everything right saying everything right the behaviornis very off and he knows how to clone phones. He has some network detector for his work that detects networks cables and troubleshoots them. His car is a total mess.

He wouldn’t kiss me in front of the waitress - he said I was acting like a girl in high school.
He plays pool at this same pub before our date starts there. Last time I went to join him (he started playing at this pub because he was depressed after returning from his temp job in another state) I thought I was giving him space to put himself back together even though I had raised two toddlers by myself for 4 months and ramped up lingerie sex 4 course meals.
This last time I joined him she couldn’t look me in the eye and they both had sweat on their brow. The way he spoke to his last affair partner I could see this 25 year old 100 lb beauty get off getting figured or screwed in the bathroom by my husband what a rush for them. I’m telling you my gut was right before. What if he started more affairs once he returned. The first time can’t be the only time he cheated.

This occurred to me and I told him
“I know you are conflict avoidant so if you started an additional affair to wean your addiction from your AP you need to END it!!!”
His reply “we are having sex 3 times a day Whywouldni have an affair it’s impossible anyways”

He is trimming his public hair again it’s fine hydenic I get that it can hold odor but a few other huge flags.
3 years ago I caught Trichomoniasi Sti after post partum sex. My husband told me I got it from hospital towels found a resource.

I also was diagnosed with herpes hsv 1? During my blood panel for 2nd child. My husband said no way can they diagnose stuff through blood and not cultures.

I’m here for detective help
Tell me:
How to see if my phone is cloned
How to recover deleted texts
How to and where to set up surveillance p i is 2250. 

Please help doing it on a budget with my own money. I can’t leave someone if they are trying their hardest and I’m pretty much just a paranoid mess now. I know people will not help me they will tell me to leave. He has taken apart one iPhone “to fox” he has taken apart 1 “iPod” to “fix”

He is keeping notes of the state of our house and the other day I sat down with my back to the walls and cried and backed my head up on the wall. I know it’s multiple people. 

What hurts is even if I found out I would forgive him if he could stop NOW but I don’t think gen is willing to like a dog that has tasted blood no offense men are not dogs.

I have to do this right because every way I have caught him in something but could prove actual meeting I never catch him that way again.


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

Yes he has had a confirmed affair and more that I am needing help proven need to be mentored on this site please help


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

blazer prophet said:


> Porn can easily cause a man to lose interest in his wife. You need to talk to him about this as it will be a barrier forever.


Yes he has had a confirmed affair and more that I am needing help proven need to be mentored on this site please help


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Conejita said:
> 
> 
> > Hi, to the veterans thank you for your dedication.
> ...



Please look below this thread I mean to reply only to you. I need help 

Yes he has had a confirmed affair and more that I am needing help proven need to be mentored on this site please help


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

Yes I have confronted him we are in reconciliation but I believe he started additional affairs and flings and never discontinued them he did tell the other woman she was a mistake and not his type even if he became single. 

Additional red flags have surfaced. I included those in my initial post response thank you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

@Conejita, someone will come along an give you the best advice for finding out the truth. The thing I can tell you is unless you decide that you deserve better then it won't matter what you found out. 

The most important factor in protecting yourself is deciding that you have a responsibility to protect yourself. That you deserve better treatment then he is giving you. And it has nothing to do with your body time or how busy you are. Sounds like your husband has sex addiction, which means it's going to be hard to be married to him. I suggest you start to detach so you can make a less emotional decision and start thinking how you can keep yourself safe.


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## Conejita (Jun 21, 2019)

sokillme said:


> @Conejita, someone will come along an give you the best advice for finding out the truth. The thing I can tell you is unless you decide that you deserve better then it won't matter what you found out.
> 
> The most important factor in protecting yourself is deciding that you have a responsibility to protect yourself. That you deserve better treatment then he is giving you. And it has nothing to do with your body time or how busy you are. Sounds like your husband has sex addiction, which means it's going to be hard to be married to him. I suggest you start to detach so you can make a less emotional decision and start thinking how you can keep yourself safe.



Thank you for your help.


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