# Found one



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Found: woman I'd like to marry.

And, she wants a big wedding, fancy 2 carat ring, a new baby, and to love in the city. Otherwise, she's perfect.

She makes too much freaking money and has forgotten how it is to just make ends meet. But she has earned everything she has. I can tolerate living in town, and can see having a fourth child because she is a good mother and really intelligent, and it would bond us both. Plus, I like kids--- not babies as much, but like kids.

I can't afford a fancy ring and I wish we could just sign a damn prenup and get a justice of the peace. I miss her during the week.

Just wanting to vent. I'm frustrated. But I know it's a good problem to have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
If she wants a ring that is unreasonable on your income, then she has unrealistic ideas about money that could become a long term problem. You need to come to an understanding of this early. 


Its what I call the "Hollywood poverty" idea: That being "poor" means that you wear stylishly worn clothes, and use wooden cartons for bookcases, but can still afford to take her on carriage rides in New York, buy giant bouquets of flowers and live in a loft in Manhattan. 

My wife grew up fairly wealthy, and very early in our dating she really didn't seem to understand that traditional romantic gestures were expensive. That a bouquet of roses represented my food money for the weekend. She had honestly never been in a situation where she simply didn't have enough money for something she needed.

It got better, but it took a bit for her to really understand.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well, that ain't no Unicorn.
Of course I have a big problem with Diamonds. If she would accept a Montana Sapphire of similar size that would be acceptable. 
The best answer I have heard to the big wedding is "I would rather have a great Marriage than a great Wedding". 

Financial inequality, is more of a problem than you think it will be.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Glad for you but you need to set some realistic boundaries etc this time going in and stick to them.

Learn from your previous marriage. I hope you've finally put the XWW in her place.

Read it again!!!!!

http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrB..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=5q8hXaN***k8Nx7qubtMFOcV6nc-


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Are these all non-negotiable deal-breakers for her? Have a discussion to set reasonable expectations. A big diamond may not be feasible coupled with the high cost of city living.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Evinrude58 said:


> Found: woman I'd like to marry.
> 
> And, she wants a big wedding, fancy 2 carat ring, a new baby, and to love in the city. Otherwise, she's perfect.
> 
> ...


Put your cards on the table. Tell her exactly what you earn. Show her what bills you have. 

If she still wants a big wedding and wants a big ring and wants you to pay for it, then you have a problem. 

Better have a bigger discussion about the future and how finances will work. If she has expensive tastes you better discuss how these tastes will be financed.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Keep looking. Not hitched and already picked out her ring, her address, and the quantity of kids in the house? Has she put as much thought into how she's going to be a wife to you? She's a good mother? Fourth child? Does that mean she's already got three kids?  If so, where's their dad and why isn't he still with her? Before I'd leave my three kids, their mom would have to be pretty damned intolerable. If the primary thing she wants isn't you, put her back. A woman worth marrying would be willing to move anywhere, live anywhere, wear any ring or no ring to be your wife. If you wanted her badly enough, an urban address or a baby wouldn't dissuade you.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

everybody here is right about financial discussion and disclosure. get everything on the table.

in the 'fog of love' we tend to minimize issues that seem not so bad, but could be potential big problems later on.
richard and mr. nail said this well.

when i married my current wife i was in a situation where i lost 80% of my net worth during the recession of 2008-2010.
i also had debt and she was making more $ than me. i disclosed all that to her. she brushed off all of that, and i realized money was
not that important to her. three years later, it still isn't.

make sure my friend and best of luck to you!


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

Have her pay for it if she wants it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So here's the thing:

She's a beautiful person. She worked at her fellowship and a second job for two years to make ends meet. Worked as a min wage worker, LPN, RN, then Dr. She was a dr when she came to the US, had to do it all over again in a second language.

She is divorced from a guy that made her pay for her own ring and it was his second marriage and they had basically no wedding. Never any infidelity. He was 20 years older than her and is a con artist from what I can tell. Drank heavily. Etc.

So she wants a nice wedding. She's very frugal. She wants a nice ring and I WANT to buy her one. But it would put me in a bind. 

This lady is truly a dream come true. She has two kids. I have three. I have learned to understand her kids, now get along well with them, and they seem to really like me. I like them. Their dad lives several states over. My gf and her kids lived several states away from him for two years. He didn't want to move. Contributed nothing. 

I don't want to start a marriage without at least giving her a ring she can be proud of.

She deserves one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> So here's the thing:
> 
> She's a beautiful person. She worked at her fellowship and a second job for two years to make ends meet. Worked as a min wage worker, LPN, RN, then Dr. She was a dr when she came to the US, had to do it all over again in a second language.
> 
> ...


Wanting and being realistic about it are two very different things. A huge arse diamond does not a marriage make. A mad arse made for TV wedding does not a marriage make either. 

Well, wait for your tax returns if you have any coming and pick up the ring she deserves.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

why not begin things financially like you would in a real marriage.

if you can't afford a great ring, then why not put in what you can and have her contribute some so you can buy?
now some people say that is an affront to your 'manhood', but chances are when you get married it's going to be this way.
if wife makes 3XXX and guy makes 1X, then each will contribute proportionately, to the down payment, mortage, whatever.

if you are struggling a bit and she is a physician, then chances are she's always going to make more than you.
nothing wrong with that by the way. as long as she's ok with it and you are too.

and if you ARE, then it's time to start putting that into practice sooner than latter.

by the way, this is a good way to test your financial compatibility with each other early on to find out if it's going to be a problem later on.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Please do not be the KISA as it appears you are being. First H was a con-man drunkard provided no wedding. You are going to change all of that!!! We have two other threads of KISA active right now.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I paid my property taxes and bills and have a couple of thousand left from tax return. But I'm thinking it's going to take about 6-10k to get her a ring. That's a "new" truck to me. But I'll make it on my old ones. They're not in bad shape. 
She is not a big spender and is very easy to please. The pressure I pretty much put on myself.
She will always make loads more than I, and she doesn't care. I do.

But I can live with it for her. I'm going to take done classes and get certified for a better paying job and see where that goes. But that takes money, too. 

Like I said, I'm just griping mainly. I got off work today due to bad weather and have a bad cold. She is making me lunch now. 
I came up to work on her car. Can't find anything wrong with it. 😋

Her daughter is playing a game on the couch beside me as I type. 😊
Just need to get this lady a darned ring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Please do not be the KISA as it appears you are being. First H was a con-man drunkard provided no wedding. You are going to change all of that!!! We have two other threads of KISA active right now.


She doesn't need me for anything, which is kinda disconcerting. I like to be the main breadwinner. Next to her, my average job pays peanuts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> Keep looking. Not hitched and already picked out her ring, her address, and the quantity of kids in the house? Has she put as much thought into how she's going to be a wife to you? She's a good mother? Fourth child? Does that mean she's already got three kids? If so, where's their dad and why isn't he still with her? Before I'd leave my three kids, their mom would have to be pretty damned intolerable. If the primary thing she wants isn't you, put her back. A woman worth marrying would be willing to move anywhere, live anywhere, wear any ring or no ring to be your wife. If you wanted her badly enough, an urban address or a baby wouldn't dissuade you.


She's said she'd be fine with just a wedding band, but I can tell she wants a ring. She said she wanted a 2carat ring. With good clarity and cut. Rrrrrrr.....
Like I said, I want to get her one. Just don't like going into debt go get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

Plenty of good rings made of glass that look like the real thing .....


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> She's said she'd be fine with just a wedding band, but I can tell she wants a ring. She said she wanted a 2carat ring. With good clarity and cut. Rrrrrrr.....
> Like I said, I want to get her one. Just don't like going into debt go get it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How about a nice wedding band and the jewel for 1st anniversary? 

Can I suggest that you take a look on Etsy. There are quite a few sellers out there making very nice jewelry, they are way below the jewelry store prices and the advantage is that it could be personal and unique.

My wife and I both had large weddings 1st time around and a very small personal one when we got married. Guess how much we missed the lavishness? The lifetime commitment matters way more than the day so make it a day that you can both enjoy without being stressed out.

It's also quite interesting to look at how the divorce rate changes with cost of wedding. I'm sure that with the truly low cost there is an element of can't afford to divorce but a large extravagant wedding does nothing to ensure a lasting marriage.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> She doesn't need me for anything, which is kinda disconcerting. I like to be the main breadwinner. Next to her, my average job pays peanuts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to be sure this won't be an issue for you (or her) in your marriage down the line.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

WonkyNinja said:


> It's also quite interesting to look at how the divorce rate changes with cost of wedding. I'm sure that with the truly low cost there is an element of can't afford to divorce but a large extravagant wedding does nothing to ensure a lasting marriage.


Yep.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Hmmm..... I might be strange, but if she is making you pay for what another man's idiocy wrought, you have encountered her first character flaw.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

No, she just wants a nice ring and a nice wedding. One that her friends can come to. I've been looking for character flaws and can't find any. Zero. That scared me, too, because everyone has them. Apparently she doesnt. 
She drives a 2006 pilot she bought new. Nothing extravagant does she buy. Just does what a person is supposed to do. I don't ever find ****** in her armor. She tells at her kids a lot and never really gives them real consequences. That's about all I can find.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

If you get a smaller ring, will the relationship be ruined?

BTW, you're chasing her.

First a ring. Then a new car. Then a Hermes purse.

Pandora's box, man.

Why do you *need* to marry this woman? How is this to your advantage? You both have kids already...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I have to weigh in and say that a 2 carat diamond is really out of the ordinary and extremely extravagant. I'd be embarrassed to have one if my partner wasn't swimming in disposable income.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> ... and can see having a fourth child because <...cut...> it would bond us both.


Wrong, shackle you more like it. Either you bond or you don't. Having a child as a reason to stay together won't help anything. Horrible reason to have a baby.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> Oh, actually, I missed the 2 carat part; yes, I agree 2 carat is a bit much! And I doubt you could get a good quality 2 carat diamond for $10,000 either. I was thinking ~ one carat (which is still extravagant, but not so out of the ordinary, especially for someone getting married middle aged).


Costco has 2+ tcw engagement rings for $10K: Engagement.

Note that I'm not suggesting this is a good idea, because it sets off alarm bells with me, as does the notion that she will make much more than you. That rarely works out well in the long run.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> I stand corrected. But are they good quality diamonds? I'd never thought of buying a diamond there.


They are a very large diamond retailer. And yes, the quality is quite good: color I, clarity VS2. You can go higher in both color and clarity, but the price goes up commensurately.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

If she is this wonderful then talk to her. A wedding is important to her, but it is not important to being married. No, there is NOTHING wrong with you feeling the way you do, any more than her wanting the wedding she never had.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> She's said she'd be fine with just a wedding band, but I can tell she wants a ring. She said she wanted a 2carat ring. With good clarity and cut. Rrrrrrr.....
> Like I said, I want to get her one. Just don't like going into debt go get it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




If she wants 2 carats with good cut, color and clarity you are looking at a LOT more than 6-10 grand. Try the website Pricescope, they have forums that will help you get a fair deal.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I noticed that the young people getting engaged now are getting rings with the smaller stones shaped to make a large look. They look really pretty. So, may be look into if she will like one of those.

I am more of a ruby girl. Diamonds do nothing for me.

Have a talk about your finances. This is so important before you take things up another step. She sounds really wonderful. Good luck @Evinrude58.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> I stand corrected. But are they good quality diamonds? I'd never thought of buying a diamond there.


Possibly, but best bet is to spend some time studying up on diamonds, buy it separate then bring to a jeweler to buy the ring and have it set. 

There are some very good gems on hideous settings at pawn shops. But you have to learn a bit about cuts and how to check colors and clarity. 

Even on some 'wholesale' diamond sites you can get a very respectable 2C diamond for $7 or 8k. That same diamond at a pawn shop might be $5 or 6k if you can wheel and deal (and have the patience to search). At retail that diamond would be $15k. 

A jeweler will sell you a very nice gold band and set it for $500-600.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
over 25 years ago I gave my wife an engagement ring - its was a small interestingly shaped amethyst in a thin gold ring, cost maybe $300 in today's dollars. It was all I could afford. 

At the time we got married, she owned a diamond ring she had inherited that was worth a small house. The diamond ring stays in a safe deposit box and never come out. She still wears the engagement ring and and treasures it because *I* gave it to her.




A marriage is a decision to spend your lives together. Why does she care about a few thousand $ on a rock?




Evinrude58 said:


> snip
> I don't want to start a marriage without at least giving her a ring she can be proud of.
> 
> She deserves one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Here you go. Info on coloring and such of diamonds.

Diamond Quality Factors


Personally, I think it's ridiculous to demand a certain ring from your partner. It's almost rude. If you love that person, does it really matter what the hell is on your finger? Nope. I wear a gemstone ring for my wedding ring. I much prefer it over a diamond. I would be scared sh*tless if I had a diamond fall out or something. Would die. Don't care if there is insurance on the ring or not. So, I told my H I would much rather a gemstone. They are prettier anyway.

I get she didn't have a wedding with her first H, but that's not your fault in the slightest. That was her poor judgement. Why are you having to pay for it? You don't want the extravagant ring or wedding, so why can't she compromise?

I didn't have a wedding either. I thought that money was much better invested in property and an very nice honeymoon for my H and myself. We took pics and had tons of memories on the honeymoon that lasted a week (instead of a wedding that lasts only part of one day). 

All of this stuff....is just stuff. It doesn't make the relationship better, or worse. If neither of you can understand that, it's not going to work out. This is great early detection. She's stated what ring she wants, stated her exH didn't give her the things she wanted (but she still married him without them), you're not okay with making less that she does....These types of things cause HUGE problems years down the road.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> If you get a smaller ring, will the relationship be ruined?
> 
> BTW, you're chasing her.
> 
> ...



I was on the waiting list at Hermes for almost 2 years for my handbag so that will buy him some time. Relax:wink2:


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

OliviaG said:


> I thought she said she'd be happy with a wedding band but the OP knows that she'd be thrilled to get the diamond? Did she *demand* it?


She didn't "demand" per say, but she has stated to him that she would prefer a 2 carat.



> She's said she'd be fine with just a wedding band, but I can tell she wants a ring. *She said she wanted a 2carat ring. With good clarity and cut.* Rrrrrrr.....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

We've talked all about finances and such. She would marry me with none of the ring or fancy wedding. She will pay for the wedding. I will keep my country home and will therefore have very little left to contribute other than health insurance and tax breaks for all the kids and her. Probably save her 1500 a month. She doesn't demand anything. I'm portraying her all wrong. But I ask her what she WANTS and she tells me. I want to give her the ring thing. The only problem I have with the wedding is that it puts it off longer while she plans it. Her parents live overseas. I miss this woman every day. She's wonderful. Right now I'm looking at pawn shops for rocks while she is at home practicing piano with her girls. I'd have to have it set like someone posted--- thx for the idea!😋

She just knows all the doctor ladies and friends from Russia (they're all dr's) will ask to see her ring. I'm not a big fish, but I want to give her a ring that she won't be ashamed of. 

I am just not wanting to waste money on jewelry, especially a diamond because they have zero intrinsic value. And I am going to have to get it on credit. I hate owing money. 
Thx for all the ideas, and I assure you I have thought about everything suggested. I even told her several times I hated to marry her because I wouldn't be able to go everywhere she wanted and would feel like I was holding her back. I am very old- fashioned about the man paying. I let her pay for quite a bit, and don't like it at all. 
She asked one day where we were eating that evening and it was close to payday for me Nd I said "I don't know, somewhere inexpensive". An hour or so later she suggested I grill us some steaks from sam's. That she liked my steaks better than a restaurant anyway. 
She truly seems like one in a 100million to me. I've never met a person like her; she is of the highest character.
And she introduces me as her date to local celebrities like I was a famous actor or something.
I'd like to make her happy. She doesn't ask for much in terms of money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

OP, she sounds lovely. And I forgot to tell you congratulations!

I'm just a bit concerned about something, though and I don't mean to be a buzzkill.

She says and acts like tons o' money doesn't mean much to her. I know you believe her and it doesn't sound like she's given you any reason to think otherwise. Great!

But the whole, 'her friends will ask to see her ring' bothers me. I get that it's what women do and I realize it's you who's projecting that, not her. But is there any possibility that down the line, year after year, when she's consistently making more money than you, and you'd need to wait until payday to get a fancy dinner on your dime, would build resentment?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Costco has 2+ tcw engagement rings for $10K: Engagement.
> 
> Note that I'm not suggesting this is a good idea, because it sets off alarm bells with me, as does the notion that she will make much more than you. That rarely works out well in the long run.


:iagree:
Her limbic brain will be telling her she can do better and over time lose respect for you.
You know her best and I hope this won't be her. :smile2:


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I've worried about that. The friends seeing it and such is all my idea. She never says anything like that. But I know it's how it would be.

I don't think the money thing is too big of a problem. She is a third generation physician, but didn't grow up wealthy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

tom67 said:


> :iagree:
> Her limbic brain will be telling her she can do better and over time lose respect for you.
> You know her best and I hope this won't be her. :smile2:


What do I have to lose? I've wasted 1/2 my life with the first one. I can't let a woman like this get away because I'm worried she's gonna think she can do better. I think I can get a job I'm proud of in the future and I won't worry she makes to a more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I say go for it. She sounds like she loves you...for you.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you could be unintentionally setting yourself up for future problems. You can't keep up with her friends wealthy husbands. If she is susceptible to being drawn into that game, it will end in disappointment. 




Evinrude58 said:


> snip
> 
> She just knows all the doctor ladies and friends from Russia (they're all dr's) will ask to see her ring. I'm not a big fish, but I want to give her a ring that she won't be ashamed of.
> snip


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I hope everything works out for you. You're one of my favorites here.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Thound said:


> I hope everything works out for you. You're one of my favorites here.


I'll put a thankyou! On that one.

She doesn't have wealthy friend's husbands to keep up with. She a hopes at sam's and won't buy a dress unless it's 65% off and she has a coupon, lol. And she wears dresses every day to work which I am giddy about. I always liked a nice dress on a woman.  
We did look at a 415k house the other day in a wealthy neighborhood. I felt like an extraterrestrial there. I told her it felt very cramped up there. She agreed. We are looking at a one got half that. I like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I'm glad you found someone that makes you happy, have you thought about getting her some type of promise ring for now until you can get her the expensive engagement ring?

I'm not a diamond kind of girl, so really don't understand why ladies think they need a large one. For me it would not be the size of the diamond but the size of the heart. But then again we are all different.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I know my post sounded cynical and I am sorry. I have a very....skewed view on marriage since I've wasted so much time on my current H, most of my best years, in fact. I didn't see red flags back then because I was "in love". I didn't think some small issues would still be issues long term. That fact is, those small issues - only got bigger. It happens that way almost all of the time, with everyone. 

Congrats on finding someone you want to be with. I really do hope it works out and we don't see you back here being concerned about these issues after you guys marry. Please remember that a piece of paper (or a 2 carat ring) won't change someone.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Don't go in debt for it. Have a discussion with her about it.

My exF I bought her a 1.5carat ring becoz the 2 carat doesn't look that great. A 2 carat ring will actually look gaudy. For most women it's too big on the hand.

Get a higher quality diamond but smaller and it will have a better sparkle.

A huge income disparity could lead to resentment down the road...


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> I'll put a thankyou! On that one.
> 
> She doesn't have wealthy friend's husbands to keep up with. She a hopes at sam's and won't buy a dress unless it's 65% off and she has a coupon, lol. And she wears dresses every day to work which I am giddy about. I always liked a nice dress on a woman.
> We did look at a 415k house the other day in a wealthy neighborhood. I felt like an extraterrestrial there. I told her it felt very cramped up there. She agreed. We are looking at a one got half that. I like it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She does sound like a lovely lady. Good luck shopping diamonds at the pawn shops. I've seen some beautiful stones just begging for a new setting and new life. You also might want to try Craigslist. I see women selling their older diamonds fairly often. If you found one you like, I'm sure you could arrange for it to be appraised before you buy so that you know you aren't getting taken.



jdawg2015 said:


> My exF I bought her a 1.5carat ring becoz the 2 carat doesn't look that great. A 2 carat ring will actually look gaudy. For most women it's too big on the hand.
> 
> Get a higher quality diamond but smaller and it will have a better sparkle.


THIS! If she is a woman with delicate hands, a diamond that size will be nearly obscene. And she is a doctor? Yeah, no. She uses her hands all day long. A large ring will become bothersome. I'd really suggest a smaller stone than 2 carats and a low profile setting. Otherwise, it'll catch and snag frequently. 

I know a lot of women who work with their hands and/or wash their hands frequently. It's not all that uncommon for stones to loosen and fall out. I think my Aunt had that happen 3 separate times! So, considering the expense, you should also consider insurance on the stone and remember to have her take it in to a jeweler about once a year to have the setting checked and tightened if needed.


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> What do I have to lose? I've wasted 1/2 my life with the first one. I can't let a woman like this get away because I'm worried she's gonna think she can do better. I think I can get a job I'm proud of in the future and I won't worry she makes to a more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, worst you can lose is the second 1/2 of your life!? : ) Just kidding.

However, I assume you've learned from your first marriage how to better recognize someone who's a better match for you. Plus, I bet you'll be quicker to recognize when things are going south this second go around. Bottom line: nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I'm with you on going for it.

Financial "imbalance" causing dissatisfaction is a possible concern, but no situation is perfect, and it may never be an issue in your marriage. (Knock on wood.) Ultimately, what's most important is your connection.

You sound completely smitten and impressed with her, and your wanting to please her is very touching and will probably go a long way. You seem like a swell guy and she's lucky to have found you. I don't know how long you've known her but I hope you get to know each other well beforehand. Good luck with the ring and congratulations on finding love!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
so, cubic zirconia is prettier than diamond - its has more color. It is more fragile, but at a tiny fraction of the cost, easy to replace. 

If a ring isn't an exhibition of wealth, why isn't CZ OK?

If a ring is an exhibition of wealth - why 2 cts? There will always be someone with a more spectacular display. Why would someone want to demonstrate exactly where they are in wealth?


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Because DeBeer's marketing from decades ago makes CZ taboo.



richardsharpe said:


> If a ring isn't an exhibition of wealth, why isn't CZ OK?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Been dating over a year. It's not a demo of wealth thing, she just wants a nice ring. If ever a woman deserves one, she does. 
She loves physical affection, loves to go fishing with me, just makes me completely happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's kinda like if she's got an appetite for Neiman-Marcus, then by golly she can pay for it!

And that's only after proposing to you and getting your blessings and positive approval on it!

But if that ever comes to happen, just make damned good and sure that you get a prenup engineered to your exacting specifications and not hers!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Did I read that right? She "yells at her kids a lot and doesn't give them any consequences?" (Post #22)

Hmmm... That would give me pause...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> They are a very large diamond retailer. And yes, the quality is quite good: color I, clarity VS2. You can go higher in both color and clarity, but the price goes up commensurately.


Buy on a Saturday when you can also treat her to the food court...

Serious, my man. Jewelry is a waste. Seriously. Find collectible artsy stuff. My father bought my mom a woven silver thread bracelet when I was born, a mind blowing piece of craftsmanship. It's a design native to my birth country. 

That piece has meaning to me. (And I'll make sure i get it after divorce  ). A nameless 2 carrot ring? Not so much.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Good luck with your future life. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I can't let a woman like this get away because I'm worried she's gonna think she can do better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow. That's some pedestal, Evinrude.

Did you have similar feelings about your first wife, in the beginning?

Sorry, man. From 50K you look like a love-sick teenager. Please hit the pause button and look at this:

*You just said you're afraid she'll leave you, for someone better, if you don't make a big financial impression.*

I wonder what advice you would give to a buddy in a similar situation.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

How many other women did you date before you found this one?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I think it's nice that you want to give her a nice ring. I'm just a little concerned that she would make it a specific request. And it is not something you should go into debt over. 

Odo and I decided to have a VERY small summer wedding, then at the same time, we just felt like we wanted to be married right then and there, so we got a license and went three days later to the town hall. Only a few people from the town knew and our families. The summer wedding turned into a party but we kept all the original plans the same.

His ring wasn't ready, so I used my father's ring as the something borrowed. 

I guess my point is that if you both want to be married, nothing will be more important than the moment when you are. The fancy wedding and the 2ct ring won't be the important thing. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve nice things, but they aren't necessary for you both to be married. At least, that's my opinion.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

We've had our differences of opinions before, so I guess this one is no different. All I can say is Good Luck! Because YOU are going to need it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Wow. That's some pedestal, Evinrude.
> 
> Did you have similar feelings about your first wife, in the beginning?
> 
> ...


I'm not worried about that. A poster offered that as a possibility in the future that she may eventually decide she can do better.

However, you're right, I really think a lot of this lady. She seems like a truly good person. Her only deal breakers have been big ones--- she wanted another baby, wanted me to convert to orthodoxy (I'm a Christian already, just not a very good example in ways). That's about it.maybe I do have her on a pedestal too much. I dated several women before her. Only one did I have any feelings for and something wasn't right with her. I don't fall for someone very easily. She's just an exceptional person. 

I am quite worried about this decision, so let me have your thoughts.
One way or another, I seriously doubt I'd ever get married again after this. 
And yes, I have been feeling like a lovesick teenager. But I like that. I never thought I would again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Ynot said:


> We've had our differences of opinions before, so I guess this one is no different. All I can say is Good Luck! Because YOU are going to need it.


Can't argue with this. But what do you suggest? Keep dating her a while? I'm not getting married for at least 6 months....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Can't argue with this. But what do you suggest? Keep dating her a while? I'm not getting married for at least 6 months....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, actually. I would keep dating her for a while. What is the rush? If you are afraid she will get away? Well, you never had her to begin with then.
The ring, the wedding? WTH for? You are both adults with children. These are things that 18 year olds with no clue about life get excited about. They mean NOTHING, as you should very well know from your own life's experiences. 
She may be the greatest thing since sliced bread! If so great! Congrats! But no need to jump into a legal entanglement, especially with all of the unanswered questions you have brought up. 
And I agree with the other poster who said having a child together to "bond" is a horrible idea. If you want to have a child together because you already love one another, again Great! Go for it! But don't do it to "bond" That isn't fair to you, her, your children her children or the new baby.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think you're right. I think I'll slow down with this. I like this woman so much I would like to see her every day. Without being married, I can't. When I have to go without seeing her when I have my kids every other week, I miss her terribly.
I guess I need to cool down. 
Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

My SIL converted from Islam to Catholocism for my BIL. I am in the process of conversion, myself. I was raised Lutheran, otherwise known as Catholic lite,, and I'm really loving both the wisdom and tradition of the Church as well as having a family who share the same faith.

Considering the fact that those who are Catholic or Orthodox cannot marry validly in the eyes of God without the Church approving and performing the ceremony, I understand why she wants you to convert. Spiritually, this is a HUGE deal involving eternity. So, although others may disagree, I think she isn't being controlling or unreasonable at all as long as you're willing.

In the Catholic Church, if a person was previously married, they need to have an annulment to marry in the Church. This is a time coonsuming process that can take anywhere from 6 months to a year. I believe the Eastern Orthodox Church allows remarriage without annullment, but there is a period of contrition for the sin of breaking vows or something like that, and then a toned down version of the ceremony. 

However they do it, converting takes time! Arranging pre marital counseling, the religious ed classes, etc. If you want to marry this decade, best get started.

And, please, take my advice about the ring. Smaller stone and low profile setting. If your fiancee hasn't worn a large ring day to day before, she has no idea how many times it will catch and snag and even scratch skin during her day. At least get a cheap WalMart ring of similar size and setting for her to wear for a day or two to see how well the size works for her. Because, really, a large ring in an ornate setting is beautiful in theory, but almost impossible to live with day in and day out unless the wearer is a woman of leisure or does a job that doesn't require a lot of hand use.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Personally I think you should go into debt and get the ring you want. I think the diamond I bought my W in 1988 was 10-12k and 1.13 CT but good quality. It was about 50% of my annual income.

Really glad I did that - she never made any demands but it's what I wanted. It paid dividends for years - you do realize women can't help but look and comment on rings.

It will make you both happy.

I only stipulate that you have the financial talk - say you are going into debt because this is really important to you, but in the future it'll be a 50-50 relationship but probably an 80-20 financial relationship. You both have to accept and embrace that. It also means the marriage inherits the debt - so she will be making a big part of the contributions to pay this debt off. BUT - you both HAVE to be ok with that because that's EXACTLY what you're signing up for.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

That's why I think this is the perfect way to start your marriage. You will have to come to terms with the fact that the good "things" in your life will be funded by W. She is probably very happy to provide that to the marriage. She gets a great H and a guy that will be good for her kids. That stuff is priceless!


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I was married in a Catholic Church - my W had a priest and I had a minister - so everyone knew we were not both going to be Catholic. It wasn't a problem - I think the priest got a dispensation.

If my W WANTED me to convert that would be different - I'd have to understand why - but she didn't care and we both feel like Christians so it was never s problem for us.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Ynot said:


> Yes, actually. I would keep dating her for a while. What is the rush? If you are afraid she will get away? Well, you never had her to begin with then.
> The ring, the wedding? WTH for? You are both adults with children. These are things that 18 year olds with no clue about life get excited about. They mean NOTHING, as you should very well know from your own life's experiences.
> She may be the greatest thing since sliced bread! If so great! Congrats! But no need to jump into a legal entanglement, especially with all of the unanswered questions you have brought up.
> And I agree with the other poster who said having a child together to "bond" is a horrible idea. If you want to have a child together because you already love one another, again Great! Go for it! But don't do it to "bond" That isn't fair to you, her, your children her children or the new baby.


He's said she's Orhodox. If she's one of the faithful, and not just culturally Orthodox, marriage is a spiritually very important to her.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I was married in a Catholic Church - my W had a priest and I had a minister - so everyone knew we were not both going to be Catholic. It wasn't a problem - I think the priest got a dispensation.
> 
> If my W WANTED me to convert that would be different - I'd have to understand why - but she didn't care and we both feel like Christians so it was never s problem for us.


I'm not as up to speed with the Orthodox Church as I am with the Roman Church, but I believe it's actually very difficult and takes some time for them to get dispensation to marry someone not of their faith.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, it takes a year to join the Orthodox Church, which I'm thinking of. Catechism classes and such.
It's quite different, but I like that they don't go for all the modern craziness. It's the relatively the same as when the church was started. She hasn't mentioned that we'd have to wait the year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> He's said she's Orhodox. If she's one of the faithful, and not just culturally Orthodox, marriage is a spiritually very important to her.


Who said anything about marriage? I said WEDDING. Besides, now this has added a whole other level of incongruity into the mix. If she is Orthodox to the point of marriage being so important, is she similarly so Orthodox that any new child must be raised as Orthodox? What about conversion, will she require the OP AND HIS CHILDREN to convert as well? Way too many moving parts in OP's scenario for me to be comfortable. Nope, I would advise finding answers to all the pertinent questions, before jumping into any kind of life time commitment, especially given the OP's post.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It's already discussed. I will likely convert, my kids won't. I won't if there are things I'm not comf with. I've cleared up a few worries already when I talked to the priest recently. I had problems with the icons. I am satisfied with his answers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I was married in a Catholic Church - my W had a priest and I had a minister - so everyone knew we were not both going to be Catholic. It wasn't a problem - I think the priest got a dispensation.
> 
> If my W WANTED me to convert that would be different - I'd have to understand why - but she didn't care and we both feel like Christians so it was never s problem for us.


That's how I feel. I don't even like how there are so many different Protestant churches. Seems like nobody can get along. I believe in Jesus. I don't place a lot of thought on each church's rules and differences. I just want to live my life and try to follow His example as best I can. I am liking a lot if the things about the Orthodox Church. But it sure is DIFFERENT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

If you do move forward with rings and wedding plans, we went this direction... I refused to pay diamond prices.

Mint Green Tourmaline Diamond Ring ? White Gold | Hayk and Co.

Its a four or five carat oval green tourmaline that I fell in love with because it is the color of his eyes. We had a custom band made to fit it and kept the price around $5000. It's ogled all the time and the girl that does my nails comments every time about how expensive it looks. Even though I love larger rings, my aim wasn't an expensive look, I fell in love with the color because it matches his gorgeous eyes. But I still get those comments about it being a stunning ring. My jeweler who keeps it in good shape for me says the same.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> If you do move forward with rings and wedding plans, we went this direction... I refused to pay diamond prices.
> 
> Mint Green Tourmaline Diamond Ring ? White Gold | Hayk and Co.
> 
> Its a four or five carat oval green tourmaline that I fell in love with because it is the color of his eyes. We had a custom band made to fit it and kept the price around $5000. It's ogled all the time and the girl that does my nails comments every time about how expensive it looks. Even though I love larger rings, my aim wasn't an expensive look, I fell in love with the color because it matches his gorgeous eyes. But I still get those comments about it being a stunning ring. My jeweler who keeps it in good shape for me says the same.


Very nice. I wish I could go that route. I like color and find diamonds pretty boring to look at. I wish I could find something soon. I'd still like to give her one. My fav color is green. I saw a ruby I liked last night, also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Very nice. I wish I could go that route. I like color and find diamonds pretty boring to look at. I wish I could find something soon. I'd still like to give her one. My fav color is green. I saw a ruby I liked last night, also.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cool. Yea, were just looking around. I didn't even know about that stone, but we were on our way out of the jewelry store and it was one of the last rings I spotted and when they pulled it out of the case and the light hit it, tears ran down my face. That's when we knew it was the "one."


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Be careful about creative ring choices!

I had a red heart shaped diamond and a fancy yellow one in mind - my friend was a jeweler and had them shipped in...

Fortunately I asked though she wanted me to pick the ring. She said no no no... nicely though.

I didn't understand and appreciate her views about the ring. For her the tradition was important too and she did not like the idea of such a non traditional ring.

So you have to figure what works for you two but anything non traditional could backfire. If she's thinking of a 2 ct diamond in the first place, she might really prefer a diamond.

Just a heads up. I dodged a bullet by asking at the last minute...


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Be careful about creative ring choices!
> 
> I had a red heart shaped diamond and a fancy yellow one in mind - my friend was a jeweler and had them shipped in...
> 
> ...


Agree... its why we were together and picking them out.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Evinrude, if you are going to marry in possibly 6 months, have you both been working on a prenup with respective lawyers? Usually it is advised they be signed several months before the intended marriage, to eliminate the suspicion of them being signed under duress.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, been discussed. I've told her to get her lawyer to take care of it, that I would have things I needed to add as well. But I doubt she's really started. She is a get it done person. We don't have a solid timeline yet.
Just now working all the details out. Planning on getting a house in August to fit our family. My place is too far from her work. Lots to work out. First step is ring. She commented yesterday that she had t been officially asked yet. Got to get that done.

Am I stupid for thinking so highly of her? It's one of those things where Even if we didn't work out, I'd still think she is one hell of a lady. 
She made the comment recently that she thinks that there's a lot of people that could be happy with me. That's a far cry from my ex who responded to the question of why she wanted a divorce with--- well, you were just an unpleasant person to be around....,,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Yes, been discussed. I've told her to get her lawyer to take care of it, that I would have things I needed to add as well. But I doubt she's really started. She is a get it done person. We don't have a solid timeline yet.
> Just now working all the details out. Planning on getting a house in August to fit our family. My place is too far from her work. Lots to work out. First step is ring. She commented yesterday that she had t been officially asked yet. Got to get that done.
> 
> Am I stupid for thinking so highly of her? It's one of those things where Even if we didn't work out, I'd still think she is one hell of a lady.
> ...


OK, I hope you have your own lawyer to represent your interests. 

You're not stupid, you're dealing with a lot of understandable feelings and they'll cloud your rational side. That's why members are trying to keep you grounded. 

Are you planning to buy the house together before you're married? I personally wouldn't advise this. 

She may not have been "officially" asked yet, but neither have you. What would stop her from proposing?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Still haven't heard @Evinrude comment about her yelling at her kids and offering no real consequences.

Why is she yelling at her kids?? Is she yelling at yours too?

Forget the distractions of Catholicism (and I happen to be Catholic) and ring/stone size and cost, let's address the real issue... She doesn't appear to "parent" her children well, and yet she wants another baby! (And an expensive ring, and a BIG wedding).

Sounds like she's more interested in playing house than she is in being a true life partner. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Ok, here goes:

She has some super good parenting qualities. She is patient, plays board games, teaches them piano, cooks healthy meal for them, teaches them to read and write in two languages. She doesn't spoil them, no tv or video games to rot their minds.
But, she is a pushover. That's all. Just a pushover. Since we have been Dating, she has made all kinds of improvements. Less yelling in her home language which I believe is just a stress reliever. Never, ever yells at mine. My kids think she is a good person. 
She treats them perfectly, and doesn't try to butter them up which I really like. 
She wants me to help her on the discipline. I've told her she has to do any soanking that needs doing on hers and I with mine. I don't care what anyone thinks on the soanking thing, btw. I believe it's needed once in a while and I don't care about any opinions.
I really never thought I'd say it, but I think I can make it with her kids. They just need boundaries. She let's them get away with yelling at her, which I can't tolerate. I've told her. The kids know I don't go for it. 
They don't push on me much. I'm sure I will eventually have to show them who is the adult and who is the child, but I think it can be done quickly with little drama. They've figured out somewhat how I am.
My gf is the wisest, most reasonable lady I've met, in spite of the fact that she is 7 years younger than I.
I have no problems with her seeing my perspective on things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> I don't ever find ****** in her armor.


If it was me, I'd want to interview the ex'es to find out what went wrong.

The bride or her family should pay for the wedding (I have 5 daughters).

Diamonds are overrated IMO- and I'd be afraid of losing a 2 carat diamond (or getting mugged in the big city).

To show off to her Dr friends, a gorgeous 2 carat cubic zirconia set in gold would look impressive.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I would want an EXTENDED visit with her parents and siblings, enough to make sure that there are no lingering family dynamics or systemic mental health issues. I'm speaking from experience.

The average person has nary a clue what it means to marry outside their culture. Cute behaviors are rugswept (she's relieving stress by...)

You two both also need to snip the spending monster.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Ynot said:


> Who said anything about marriage? I said WEDDING.


I know. 

I am not positive about the rules in the Orthodox Church, but in the Roman Church a Catholic is required to be married by a priest and in a Church or other Holy site unless dispensation is granted. Dispensation is usually only granted if one partner is non-Catholic and has a particular serious need, nothing frivolous.

If the Orthodox requires the same, then there will need to be a ceremony performed by a priest in a church or other approved Holy site. At that point, might as well invite people and have a party after.

That said, the Roman Church will do ceremonies during regular Sunday Mass and all the couple need do is invite friends/family, bring any decorations they require, and make a donation to the Church to cover any extra utility use, a donation to the priest, and donations to the Cantor and/or choir for any extra work they do.

You can also rent out the parish social hall and have a modest reception there. Since the reception would be after Mass, traditionally the couple hosts a brunch or lunch (depending on mass times) for their guests and any parishioners they want to invite.

If you're willing to have a modest wedding during Mass, it's doable for about $3,000 or less, not including rings and clothing.



Evinrude58 said:


> It's already discussed. I will likely convert, my kids won't. I won't if there are things I'm not comf with. I've cleared up a few worries already when I talked to the priest recently. I had problems with the icons. I am satisfied with his answers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you discussed your first marriage to make sure that won't be a problem? I'm pretty sure it's not, but best to ask.



Evinrude58 said:


> That's how I feel. I don't even like how there are so many different Protestant churches. Seems like nobody can get along. I believe in Jesus. I don't place a lot of thought on each church's rules and differences. I just want to live my life and try to follow His example as best I can. I am liking a lot if the things about the Orthodox Church. But it sure is DIFFERENT.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's how I felt about the Roman Church. I love it, though. Always something new to learn.

You should ask the priest if you need to be finished with conversion before the marriage can take place. If you're going to begin planning anytime soon, you'll need to know.

Also, in the Roman Church, marriage prep classes can take a few months of a weekend here and a weekend there and also need to include meetings with your priest. In some places, the process can take up to 6 months. Check with the priest and see what their pre-marital counseling requirements are.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I very much appreciate you guys' time and advice. I love this lady and I'm a worrier.

I've met her dad( he visited fir a month recently), and am about to meet her mother ( visiting for a month soon as well). I really, really liked her father. Great guy and extremely deep thinker. Very friendly. Something extremely stressful happened one night when I was there and he was calm, cool, and collected. More than I was, even. Her only sibling is a brother and seems to do well for himself and has a nice family of his own. Her grandmother seems like a fabulous person from what I hear. My gf's best friend lives across the street from her and she and her husband went overseas to visit last summer with my gf's family (stayed in their home for two weeks) and had a great time.
As I've said, my gf is all that and a bag if chips. I cant exaggerate what a neat person she is. And she is very attractive on top of all this. I'm blessed beyond measure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

We discussed getting something and upgrading on anniversaries. But I'd like to get something she's proud of now. I have to wear the low wage earner pants as it is. I don't want to be embarrassed when she shows her ring in my presence. It's about my own insecurities, I reckon.

I couldn't in good conscience do the cz thing. It would insult her, although it's all just goofiness to me. I don't wear jewelry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

She'd have to be on board with the CZ idea. If it was me, I'd go for it. Especially in a second M (not so idealistic anymore...)

But then again, I am extreeeemely thrifty and never wore the diamond when I had one because the prongs would wear and I was afraid I would lose it.

I'd rather take the 10K and put a down payment on a RE investment :x

But if she's a Dr I guess she doesn't have to consider cash flow LOL


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Blonde said:


> She'd have to be on board with the CZ idea. If it was me, I'd go for it. Especially in a second M (not so idealistic anymore...)
> 
> But then again, I am extreeeemely thrifty and never wore the diamond when I had one because the prongs would wear and I was afraid I would lose it.
> 
> ...


Ok, this is a little much. I'm visualizing now. You are a perfect ten in my mind, lol.
She is extremely thrifty as well. Shops sales and cuts coupons from the paper (yeah, it was a major turn-on for me....)
But she's got two X chromosomes and she would still not go for the cz.
I can't blame her. She at least should get a guy who will buy her a decent ring...... I feel like that is what she is thinking based on discussions. She'd never say that/- i may be projecting.

I think I've got to do this and no way out of it. I did tell her the other day that I'd be pretty disappointed if I got her a fancy ring and we wound up not getting married......
She didn't say anything...

I'm making this hard, I guess. Anyway, I like the way you think.😊
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You know, traditionally, engagement rings were pretty much any precious stone. In the US, the diamond didn't become the usual engagement ring until well into the Victorian era. They lost popularity post WWI and gained popularity again due to an ad campaign after WWII. So, maybe discuss getting another stone such as a sapphire or emerald. You two could even select a stone based on the month you met or the month you marry.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm going to Sk her about that. But in pretty sure she wants a diamond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
because I was one of the people who suggested it, I should clarify. 

I would never pretend CZ was diamond, but do it openly. CZ is actually a prettier stone (it is more dispersion -> "fire"). I see it as a way to understand the desire for a diamond. Is it for the aesthetics (in which case CZ is better), for the conceptual idea of a diamond, or to show off wealth. 

I understand liking the conceptual idea. When I get my wife little jewelry trinkets, its always solid gold. I sometimes get synthetic gems, but never "fake". (and let her know that they are synthetic - she is a nerd like me and thinks a synthetic ruby is cool). OTOH, is a 2 ct diamond really conceptually better than a 0.5 ct one?

If the ring is to show off wealth, then I think it is doomed to fail. The OP is not wealthy and will not be able to "keep up" with displays of wealth with people with more money. (and there is ALWAYS someone with more money)

BTW - my wife is happy to flaunt social norms, one of the reasons I love her. 




OliviaG said:


> snip
> 
> A couple of people have suggested a cubic zirconia in place of a diamond. At first I thought you were kidding - were/are you?
> 
> Because the tradition is a diamond or other precious stone, but usually a diamond. If my husband had presented me with a cubic zirconia, first I'd have been insulted, thinking his intention was to insult me. When I realized he had no intention to insult me, I'd be re-thinking the marriage proposal anyway, because I'd be worried that he was completely unaware of accepted social norms or had a desire to flaunt them for some reason. And that would really concern me. A lot. (i.e. I'd be worried about being able to trust his judgement.)


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> I understand liking the conceptual idea. When I get my wife little jewelry trinkets, its always solid gold.


Speaking of gold, do you know what kind of gold she wants for the rings? 

Mine are white gold dipped in platinum. They've taken a beating over the last 13 years, but have no nicks or scratches and are still very shiny. Also, the bands haven't worn or thinned.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Keep looking. Not hitched and already picked out her ring, her address, and the quantity of kids in the house? Has she put as much thought into how she's going to be a wife to you?


This was honestly my first thought also, as a woman even.

Red flags, IMO.

My wedding ring is a heirloom from his mom. Beautiful, unique and not a diamond in sight. Not b/c we can't afford expensive jewelry either. A 2 carat ring isn't for anything except bragging to her friends. Beware the Princess, even if she can afford it herself.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Disaster in the making.......She is going to wear the pants in the family and you will be her ***** Diamonds are for chumps and are so passe'. High maintenance chick all the way. "Big spender and very easy to please" Really? What you have said here is very contradictory. You are in some kind of heavy London fog, man. If you do this it is going to be one giant train wreck. Good luck.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Can you ask if she minds helping pay? Seriously - just be upfront?

I think if she can afford a 2 ct ring, and wants a 2ct ring, and you want her to have something nice, and she's as awesome as you say... Why not just ask?

She might be fine with it stipulating that you pick it out and surprise her. Problem solved!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

IDK Evinrude, you are still in the infatuation phase, and she is asking for a ring that is waaay beyond your budget. How about taking your time, dating her some more, and holding off the wedding a while longer to give the relationship time to mature and get more real? Financial incompatibility has ruined many a marriage. Red flags are flying all over the place.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I agree with this. And that's my plan. Just going to hold off a while. A 2ct ring is unreasonable on my salary. But I'd love to get it for her. 
It's been over a year that I've known her. Love her more every day. I may need another year to find out how workable out relationship is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just to be clear, my gf and I eat in most of the time. We go to the symphony, she pays. We go to dinner or a movie, even with all 5 kids, I pay. She's paid before.
She doesn't rewire a lot on my part AT ALL. She's very, very understanding and such with my financial situation. 
She doesn't wear fancy clothes much, doesn't waste huge sims of money on herself. But she does like shoes and she does like dresses. 
She wanted me to go with her to Russia for a couple of weeks this summer. All I'd have to pay was a plane ticket and passport. Nothing else. I'd enjoy going. But I told her there was no way I could afford a ring, a trip , etc etc. She didn't push. Just said she'd love for me to go. She won't go without me.
So already I'm holding her back.

No big deal. We are very happy and never have arguements. Always she is respectful and thoughtful.
She just wants a fancy ring. I asked lady night and she wants a diamond.
She doesn't show any problems at all about the money I make, but maybe after the new wears off, it will be a problem. I worry about that, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm hoping it works out this way, Olivia. As a man, yes, it bothers me to let her pay. She asked about how we would handle finances when we were married. I said we'd just keep everything separate, and if we divorced, I would take any debt I incurred and she would take hers.
She said she'd just like a joint account, both our money going together.
Knowing I'd still be paying my house note and associated expenses.

There's been zero money problems with us so far.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

E 58 ~

I just read your thread and I kept an open mind throughout ......BUT, yep, here's the "but" .........something is bothering me about this impending union. 

Be careful and make sure she and her circumstances (financial status, parents, children, background, educational differences, language, parenting skills, religion, cultural differences) are a right match for you.

As you know, there are many aspects to compatibility.

VH


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