# 180 really works



## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Not in making your WS come back, but in making you want OUT. 

Once I basically shoved my STBXW out of my life, I've found I enjoy it so much more without her in it. I have friends. I have activities. I have hobbies. I have my family members around again. And in an interesting twist, I've reconnected with an old high school almost flame who is more beautiful than my STBXW ever could be. 

I don't know x will want to come back. I'm honestly not looking for R or hoping for it. Why would I want to R with someone who lied, cheated, and makes my life a living hell?

She has done her own 180 these past couple of weeks I've noticed. We never text or email or anything. I personally love the silence. I have no idea what she's doing and I'm perfectly ok with that. When she came to pick up our daughters on Sunday, she saw me unloading a bunch of new furniture into my (no longer "our") house. She didn't seem perturbed by it, however she did have to try and get in a snotty remark regarding my step daughter. That was after I told her she will need to pick up the girls from my house now going forward. I chuckled on the inside. Lol

When I saw her, I didn't find her attractive anymore. She looked...frumpy. Maybe she has gained some weight back that she lost, or maybe it was just my blinders. I don't know. But she didn't look thin to me like she did a couple months ago. And I certainly can't compare her to my lady friend, as there is no comparison! Granted, xw has had a couple kids, lady friend hasn't. 

At first I was devastated living in my house all alone. Now I'm going to relish it. New paint and new furniture really helps with a fresh start.

I would not be here now if it weren't for IC an the 180. The point of all this? IT DOES GET BETTER. Don't give up. Make your life what you want it to be. You can be happier and better without your WS in your life. It's work and it's tough, and there will be bumps in the road along the way...but the destination is worth every sleepless night every tear shed. 

Thanks to everyone on TAM. You're all in my prayers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

It is always nice to here that there is hope! Especially for those of us in the early stages of separation - my wife moved out on the weekend after 17 years of marriage.

I have been hitting the 180 quite hard - especially the exercise bit. It distracts me from the emotional rollacoaster ride for a while and losing the weight definitely helps with my self esteem (which has been torn to shreds by this). I am also having IC sessions which are great.

But I still have my dark days where it is hard to even get out of bed and you just push on through the day. I hope the amount of such days lessen over time and reading your post does give me hope that it will someday.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Great post, thanks for this!


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Good for you Mothra. Keep it up! You can do it. 

I can't speak for anybody else, but it almost seems like our WS's want us to fail. They want to see us struggle and miss them and die without them. And for what? So they can feel better about themselves?

I refuse to give my STBXW that satisfaction. She no longer has the privilege of being in my life in any meaningful way. She has squandered that privilege. And showing them you can take care of yourself, and that you are happier without them, is by far the best revenge you could ever get. 

Good for you for working out! That is one of the best things you can do. It does get better, I promise you. Just have faith, in yourself and in something greater. Put the two together and the 2.0 version of you will be so much better than the 1.0 ever dreamed of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Tool - you guys don't spend any time together with your kids?

That is one thing I am going to struggle with big time is how/when to separate the family time and transition to just straight drop offs. I worry about the lasting affects on the kids (3,5).

I'm just interested on how you guys decided to handle all of that or maybe it was cut and dry from the get go?


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Together? Absolutely not. Considering she cheated, that would be a bad idea. She wanted to separate, she wanted to move out, and she didn't want to work on our marriage...so she gets to see what life without me is like. I have my time, she has hers. Right now we are kinda in a big custody battle...I want a good amount of time with my kids but she is resisting because she wants more child support. More $ to blow on clothes. Pathetic. 

Our time right now has been standardized, yes. We went to a couple MC sessions and he helped us make the visitation schedule. I think straight drop offs is better than being around parents who obviously don't want to be around each other or are openly hostile. Kids adapt. Not trying to downplay that it'll be tough for them at first, because it will. But a long as you are strong, and engaged, and show them as much love as you can when you have them, then they'll be ok. Mine are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

toolforgrowth said:


> It's work and it's tough, and there will be bumps in the road along the way...but the destination is worth every sleepless night every tear shed._Posted via Mobile Device_


*Very* well said. Glad it's going better for you, and glad you posted this message.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

Good job tool. I'm really getting there too. In fact I think if we didnt have a daughter, Id be long gone, far away and happy about it.

My biggest issue that really gets to me is the destruction of our family, and the wellbeing of my little girl. Once I can reconcile that, Ill be right there with you. Particularly of concern to me though is that my work takes me away often sometimes for extended periods and there's always the chance of having to move...its another headache I am fighting daily.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

It is because you used the 180 for you and not your x. 

The way it is suppose to be used. For you.


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

180's work real well for growth and healing...


going to Denny's with hot chicks works wonders too


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Thank you everybody. I've gotten a great deal of strength from the great people here at TAM. I felt it was my turn to pay it forward. 

We have another date set for later this week.  REALLY looking forward to it...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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