# how MUCH is enough?



## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

Is it even possible to be more tired than I am right at this moment!? I am so angry I am crying and shaking and just disguisted with Myself for even choosing THIS man to marry!
I am going to lose my house. the house we bought and moved into together. the only home my son has ever known. I have barely slept in 2 days. 
He has been being so nice, this is the most we have talked in 6 months. im desperate and I stupidly thought he would help, I mean OUR SON and HIS DAUGHTER do live here!
I was finally after 3 months approved for the loan modification but I have to have a certain amount so I asked him. He said he is broke, he's been paying child support (not for my son!). then he asks where all the kids are n what they are doing like I wanna chitchat after you just basically said you dont give a da*n that the house will foreclose! I checked online that bastard just started paying child support 2 weeks ago, only 150 a week!

So how is he broke? he still clearing 600 week and the only bill he has is his car insurance, he has been staying with the gf so I know he isnt paying bills at his cousins place anymore so hmmmm you gotta be paying bills at the girlfriends APARTMENT which i know cant be what the mortgage is and so you still have lots of money left so there is no way your broke. 
what a low life piece of sh*t!
over this last 2 weeks with the sudden change of his attitude, not being the hateful bastard he has been for th past year- that maybe things werent going so right in his life, suddenly he wanted to talk about things, admit he was at fault, apologize, maybe he was starting to learn a lesson- NOT!
I thought i would feel better if i got on here and said how I was feeling right now but nope, I am so angry my head hurts
I want to call him and cuss and yell and tell him what a worthless piece of sh*t he is and my gf said no, dont, then he will know he got to me.
UGHHHH when i am packing up and moving out of my house, he will know so wth difference does it make if i let my rage out on him now?
I NEED him to know that I hope and cannot wait to see him ROT!
I am almost positive thats gonna make me feel better


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Just curious.

Why do you have custody of his daughter?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

When you are disgusted with yourself then it is enough. You could have stopped there, the rest is just details. I'm really good at self-forgiveness. It is a good habit to cultivate because once you do that it's easy to keep going on and do good things for yourself.


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Just curious.
> 
> Why do you have custody of his daughter?


His daughter just turned 18 in October. She was just always here, every weekend and even after my husband left last year, she still wanted to be here. Once she graduated high school, she moved here. She is very close with my daughter, they both started college and motivate each other. We have always been close.


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> When you are disgusted with yourself then it is enough. You could have stopped there, the rest is just details. I'm really good at self-forgiveness. It is a good habit to cultivate because once you do that it's easy to keep going on and do good things for yourself.



I know. It is. In this case though, I think I am really gonna have to work at it.


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

*ADVICE needed please?*

Where to begin? this is long- Sorry The day after my last post the ex and I talked, he said he would help financially and since then I have been able to keep the house with his help. We have been talking for hours and hours, I thought we were becoming friends. He tells me how much he loves me, misses me, but I know i was just focusing on being friends- talking about things we didnt even talk about when married, even when we didnt agree on something we NEVER argued or got of the phone mad, we actually were talking things through. He has been staying with the OW still but I could sense things were going bad and I actually thought he needed to go through that so I didnt push for a change in that. we talked about our marraige, the issues we had, the changes we both have made that we can easily see in each other, he admitted how he things about me daily and has to make himself stay away, if he spends time with me he wont want his relationship, he admitted how I say things to him that he had denied but were so true and how I know him so well and he knows me.

These past 2 weeks things took a little change, he came over a few times and stayed for hours relaxing with the kids, helping out with things around the house. Money is tight with him but still he has been helping me a lot financially. when he came last week to get the kids, he brought his cousin with him sat a while talking and joking, which i thought was strange as he has been telling everyone for months how much he cant stand me. Monday we talked and he finally voiced how he is not happy with the OW, that he just talked to his best friend about how much he misses his old life. he loves our friendship n relationship we have now but we have history and he just doesnt know (again strange cause I have been the awful ex all year), I said well i thought thats why we have been talking about all those things, as part of the process of putting it in the past and i told him he miss the house, the kids- he said he has love for the gf but he loves me and after a year and it makes him mad because thats his old life, he trying to start a new life but he cant seem to let go of me, he doesnt trust her, he trusts me and loves me. I told him maybe we just need to take a break from talking so much but he said no he wanted to come talk to me after work. after work he called said the gf called on his way home he was just in a bad mood he would come the next day. he called later he was drinking I could tell, after talking a while like bff's he admitted he misses his mom, that everything he wants and needs is here and its a lot with her and he has been trying but he is really getting tired but he didn't know how to just leave her and he felt bad for even getting into that situation. that irriated me cause he sure didnt have a problem leaving me so I just made up an excuse to get off the phone. 

he called the next day he was tired. then yesterday he came to brin me money but the second i saw him I felt he was different- standoffish- he dbl parked and was just trying to get out of here and was back to not looking at me. I asked about it, he said he was ok, but just forget that he had to talk to me- we dont need to talk, it felt like hmmm he had totally disconnected from me! we havent been sexual in any way, he has been affectionate touchin me rubbin my hair, hugging before he leaves but nothing sexual, he said he wouldnt do that to me. his brother wrote me the other day and said that his gf is needy and he needs to feel needed and I am to independent for him. 
so anyway, I text him told him I thought we had gotten past the shutting down and were building genuine friendship but I just wouldnt bother him. he answered that he is sorry i feel that way but he is going threw his own stuff, he is going to get his number changed and he will just call me from the gf phone and maybe that will help me not to call him.????????
his daughter asked him to go to lunch with her today, he said he was broke he gave me his money, then said he would come talk to her. when he got here, his gf was with him and he told her they could take a walk? she came in furious and hurt, he has hardly spent any time with her and from what she said, their walk around the block consisted of him telling her that he wants her to look out for me and help me get over him, he misses his mom and home and he is alone (what about the gf) and he shouldnt have gotten me involved.
soooooo the last weeks of hours and hours of talking was all LIES!?
he was nice, attentive, we talked about Everything! it was like we were best friends again like we used to be- I thought that was a great start to rebuilding but to him it was just something to DO!?
how could he shut down on me like that? why? he was having a bad day at work earlier yesterday when i talked to him so I dont think he and that girl were any better but even if they were,why would he be so mean to me? I havent asked him to come home, stop seeing her, come spend time with me, I havent put any pressure on him at all- he was actually the one talking about how he misses and loves me all the time, not me, I never initiate those conversations. even the other day, he called me, I didnt call him so what happened?????????
I think I feel worse today than when he actually left me cause to be honest at that time I didnt like him and wasnt surprised he didnt like me but NOW we were friends- I thought

I just go dark now? I guess I need TAM to tell me wth happened


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

posOW has got to go


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

Conrad said:


> posOW has got to go


I see that now. I read on here that it's good to let them be with the other person so they can see but I think now it makes them stay stuck. It seemed to make sense that he would see since apparently he can't talk to her like he can talk to me but idk
I just am going no contact. At this point I see that as my only option.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

fivewastedyears said:


> I see that now. I read on here that it's good to let them be with the other person so they can see but I think now it makes them stay stuck. It seemed to make sense that he would see since apparently he can't talk to her like he can talk to me but idk
> I just am going no contact. At this point I see that as my only option.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you exposed?


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm confused...Are you divorced? Sounds like you need one so you get the support you and your children need. I'm in the same position. I've been separated for 2 years from my husband and now he's crying poverty. I told him I don't believe him and now I'm looking to divorce him. If he's as much in debt as he says then I want no part of his debts. We don't have any joint accounts or credit cards..it's all his. My credit is clean and I owe nothing. 

And now he's saying he can't help monetarily with supporting our kids. That's all I need to start the divorce proceedings. 

But I have no real emotional ties to my husband right now. I'm pretty much done with the nasty emotional part that you are going through now. I feel your pain and I've been there but I think you need to let your husband go. 

Besides, he's living and screwing around with another woman. Do you REALLY want him back? I'd never take my husband back after that. All my husband has been is a lazy, stupid drunk.


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