# Computer passwords



## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

How many on here opt to have a password on their at home computer that is not known to your spouse and how many of you share all access to the computer with your spouse and what are your reasons for each scenario? 

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## mikky (Mar 29, 2017)

I have no reason to password the home computer 

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## JoleighS (Feb 6, 2017)

Mollymolz said:


> How many on here opt to have a password on their at home computer that is not known to your spouse and how many of you share all access to the computer with your spouse and what are your reasons for each scenario?
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk




Only reason I have a password on mine is to keep my kids off my profile. My other half can have full access to my computer, but he opts not to because he doesn't want me on his. He knows it would be hypocritical to get on mine when he does not allow me to get on his. He says there is no reason for us to get on each other's computer. We each came into the relationship with our own computers, with our own passwords, and I don't think that will ever change. 


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

mikky said:


> I have no reason to password the home computer
> 
> Sent from my Infinix HOT 4 using Tapatalk


This is how I kind of feel 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

JoleighS said:


> Only reason I have a password on mine is to keep my kids off my profile. My other half can have full access to my computer, but he opts not to because he doesn't want me on his. He knows it would be hypocritical to get on mine when he does not allow me to get on his. He says there is no reason for us to get on each other's computer. We each came into the relationship with our own computers, with our own passwords, and I don't think that will ever change.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Does it ever bother you to know you don't have access even if you wanted it? I understand that relationships need trust and people need privacy. That being said my husband put a password his computer when he didn't before and it makes me feel uneasy 

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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I don't think the question should be "who has a password on their computer that is known by their spouse and who doesn't?" because then we get into a debate on whether to even have a password. 

I think the question should be "who INCLUDES their spouse on their computer activities (including forums and social media chatting) and who HIDES their computer activities from their spouse?" 

My vote is that my Dear Hubby knows of, sees, and is included in all my life--including my emails, all my email addresses, all my passwords, all social media, all "chats"...everything. And equally I'm included in all of his life. So it's not like he demands it of me and doesn't share and share alike.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Affaircare said:


> I don't think the question should be "who has a password on their computer that is known by their spouse and who doesn't?" because then we get into a debate on whether to even have a password.
> 
> I think the question should be "who INCLUDES their spouse on their computer activities (including forums and social media chatting) and who HIDES their computer activities from their spouse?"
> 
> My vote is that my Dear Hubby knows of, sees, and is included in all my life--including my emails, all my email addresses, all my passwords, all social media, all "chats"...everything. And equally I'm included in all of his life. So it's not like he demands it of me and doesn't share and share alike.


You're right. I feel like a spouse shouldn't be blocked from these things. However I also think that spouses should respect each others right to privacy without being blockaded from privacy. If that makes any sense? 

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## HazeyFadely (Apr 14, 2017)

I could never feel confident in a relationship if this occurred. What could i possibly do on a computer that i wouldn't want my husband knowing about, and vice versa

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

HazeyFadely said:


> I could never feel confident in a relationship if this occurred. What could i possibly do on a computer that i wouldn't want my husband knowing about, and vice versa
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk


I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like this

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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We share computers at home. So we each have our own account and password but know each other's.


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## MAJoJa (Apr 15, 2017)

Only reason we have passwords is to keep the kids out as well (too tech smart now a days). Other then that we know each other's passwords to everything else. 


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My position is that there should not be anything to hide from each other in a marriage. If there is, that is a problem. If you can share your naked sweating bodies, dirtiest sex secrets and do all those messy things in bed, making yourself vulnerable to each other, you can share your passwords. My wife can see my porn, posts here and in more specific sex forums, as well as anything else on my iPhone and iPad. We have no secrets and that has worked well for us for the last 44 years. So many posts here start off with, "I found some texts or emails on my spouse's phone or computer." You should never give your spouse a reason to be suspicious of you. That leads to distrust and jealousy. Never good things to make a marriage last long.


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## JoleighS (Feb 6, 2017)

Mollymolz said:


> Does it ever bother you to know you don't have access even if you wanted it? I understand that relationships need trust and people need privacy. That being said my husband put a password his computer when he didn't before and it makes me feel uneasy
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk




Yes, it bothers me. He and I have a difference of opinion when it comes to privacy. We aren't officially married, just common law. I would feel like I have more of a right to press the issue if we were. 

You, on the other hand, have a right to feel uneasy and have a right to know the reason behind your husband adding a password without discussing it with you. 


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Vinnydee said:


> My position is that there should not be anything to hide from each other in a marriage. If there is, that is a problem. If you can share you naked sweating bodies and do all those messy things in bed, making yourself vulnerable to each other, you can share your passwords. My wife can see my porn, posts here and in more specific sex forums, as well as anything else on my iPhone and iPad. We have not secrets and that has worked well for us for the last 44 years. So many posts here start off with, "I found some texts or emails on my spouse's phone or computer." You should never give your spouse a reason to be suspicious of you. That leads to distrust and jealousy. Never good things to make a marriage last long.


Agreed 


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## JoleighS (Feb 6, 2017)

Vinnydee said:


> My position is that there should not be anything to hide from each other in a marriage. If there is, that is a problem. If you can share you naked sweating bodies and do all those messy things in bed, making yourself vulnerable to each other, you can share your passwords. My wife can see my porn, posts here and in more specific sex forums, as well as anything else on my iPhone and iPad. We have not secrets and that has worked well for us for the last 44 years. So many posts here start off with, "I found some texts or emails on my spouse's phone or computer." You should never give your spouse a reason to be suspicious of you. That leads to distrust and jealousy. Never good things to make a marriage last long.




Totally agree.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Every device and account is password protected - and we share all of them so we can access any and all accounts we each have, at any time, even individual financial accounts.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> Every device and account is password protected - and we share all of them so we can access any and all accounts we each have, at any time, even individual financial accounts.


And do you ever feel the need or desire to check in the on your wifes online activities? I caught hubby a few months ago watching porn. It took some time for me to come to a place of acceptance. We talked and I told him that as long as he was open and honest it wasn't a problem. Now he's out a password on his computer and I feel like there is no honesty or transparency and it's budding the hell out of me 

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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Mollymolz said:


> And do you ever feel the need or desire to check in the on your wifes online activities? I caught hubby a few months ago watching porn. It took some time for me to come to a place of acceptance. We talked and I told him that as long as he was open and honest it wasn't a problem. Now he's out a password on his computer and I feel like there is no honesty or transparency and it's budding the hell out of me
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


We look at each other's email and such often, but not for snooping. She just doesn't check hers much, so relies on me to make sure she hasn't missed anything important, like an email from one of her FWBs or something. We have an open relationship, and both have other lovers occasionally. Porn? Not a problem, never an issue - really don't care much for it. We're very honest and open about everything - it's a necessity to conduct a successful open relationship without causing problems, and we've done so for 17 years. Communication and transparency are key to this.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> We look at each other's email and such often, but not for snooping. She just doesn't check hers much, so relies on me to make sure she hasn't missed anything important, like an email from one of her FWBs or something. We have an open relationship, and both have other lovers occasionally. Porn? Not a problem, never an issue - really don't care much for it. We're very honest and open about everything - it's a necessity to conduct a successful open relationship without causing problems, and we've done so for 17 years. Communication and transparency are key to this.


That's how I feel. I'll be the first to admit that I was upset over his porn use at first. Then I came around. I even started watching it. Openness and honesty are the corner stones of every relations regardless of sexual practises or relationship types. For me, when things are hidden or protected it upsets me because the openness is not there 

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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I have multiple computers, tablets, and a phone. My wife has her phone that I set up for her as well as an email, FB, and snapchat accounts for it. I've given her passwords before but she doesn't care to know them and they're long since been rotated. 

The bottom line is that I would give her any password for any account if she asks for it. But she doesn't and she won't lol.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Thundarr said:


> I have multiple computers, tablets, and a phone. My wife has her phone that I set up for her as well as an email, FB, and snapchat accounts for it. I've given her passwords before but she doesn't care to know them and they're long since been rotated.
> 
> The bottom line is that I would give her any password for any account if she asks for it. But she doesn't and she won't lol.


You're situation still invokes trust since the willingness to share is there 

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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

We both know each others passwords, except for our work accounts which neither of us are allowed to share. 

I do have a secret account that I use to post on TAM. She may have secret accounts that I don't know about. 

Each of us has the skills to hide access, and I have no intention of getting into a spy vs spy game.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Well Molly, there's a huge difference between privacy and *secrecy*.

He's ALL about the secrecy.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

I need openness and honesty in marriage, and that means full transparency. We use the same known passwords for everything. I think if you've got nothing to hide you welcome any opportunity to make sure your spouse feels safe in the marriage. So much betrayal in marriage can happen online. Spouses have a right to know what is going on in their marriage, and that includes where your partner spends their time, who they're with, and who they're talking to.


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## HazeyFadely (Apr 14, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well Molly, there's a huge difference between privacy and *secrecy*.
> 
> He's ALL about the secrecy.


You hit the nail on the head. Secrecy vs privacy. 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well Molly, there's a huge difference between privacy and *secrecy*.
> 
> He's ALL about the secrecy.


And that is the issue I'm having 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Jessica38 said:


> I need openness and honesty in marriage, and that means full transparency. We use the same known passwords for everything. I think if you've got nothing to hide you welcome any opportunity to make sure your spouse feels safe in the marriage. So much betrayal in marriage can happen online. Spouses have a right to know what is going on in their marriage, and that includes where your partner spends their time, who they're with, and who they're talking to.


That's how I feel. I don't want to hang over him as he's on the computer or anything, but I feel shut out or like there's something he's not allowing me access to. I have an issue with being barred like that 

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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Mollymolz said:


> I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like this
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


You're definitely not alone. Dr. Harley writes about it in His Needs, Her Needs. Openness and honesty is a top need for both husbands and wives, and he lists full transparency under O&H. 

Have you thought about telling your husband this- not only how you feel, but that a spouses' openness and honesty is a top need for most married people? I also think it's important in marriage to let our partners know when something they're doing bothers us or makes us feel unsafe in the marriage. We should always want to make our spouse feel safe.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

We each have our own laptops, but hubby set mine up, we both have passwords to keep our daughter off our profiles (she has her own profile on both of our computers). We both know each others passwords.

Privacy in marriage is closing the door when you go to the bathroom.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

No secret passwords here.


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## WhiplashWish (Mar 20, 2017)

I have a password on my account on our computer. She does, too. She doesn't know mine. This stemmed from a decade's worth of her blowing up our various computers over the years. She seems to have the superpower to destroy tech without even trying. Our first few years of marriage, we were averaging a new desktop PC or major recovery efforts every 2-3 years because something would go down while/immediately after she used the computer. Since I've been the sole holder of the administrator's pw we've only changed computers when we've upgraded.

Would I give her the password? If she was adamant, but man it's expensive to have computers fixed...

There is a pw on my phone. She has it. I don't think she knows my pw for my gaming e-mail account...she could have it if she was interested in it...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Currently not married and we don't share our passwords although because I have a great memory for such things I am pretty sure I know hers. We don't look at each other's stuff. If married we would still have passwords but she could look at my stuff anytime she wanted and I with her.

Hell if she came to me today and asked to look on my phone at texts or email or whatever I would let her. I don't cheat or hide things and she knows that which is probably why we never ask to look at each other's things lol


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

I have passwords on my laptop and my phone, my wife doesn't know either of them. It's not so much that I don't want her accessing them, if she asks to use either I let her no problem but I open them, I don't tell her the password. There are things I look at, read and research that my wife doesn't really need to know about. Yes if she sees something and asks me about it I tell her, but things like this site are just better off as an unknown let's call it.

As for her, she has passwords on her laptop and phone as well. She does the same thing, if I need to use one of them she let's me but she doesn't tell me the passwords. And like me, her reasoning is the same, there are things like conversations with her friends or whatever that are just none of my business.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

WhiplashWish said:


> I have a password on my account on our computer. She does, too. She doesn't know mine. This stemmed from a decade's worth of her blowing up our various computers over the years. She seems to have the superpower to destroy tech without even trying. Our first few years of marriage, we were averaging a new desktop PC or major recovery efforts every 2-3 years because something would go down while/immediately after she used the computer. Since I've been the sole holder of the administrator's pw we've only changed computers when we've upgraded.
> 
> Would I give her the password? If she was adamant, but man it's expensive to have computers fixed...
> 
> There is a pw on my phone. She has it. I don't think she knows my pw for my gaming e-mail account...she could have it if she was interested in it...


LOL, that sounds like my wife. Anytime she ever used my laptop in the past I always had issues with it afterwards, and she's always complaining about how slow hers is even though it's not that old at all.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

No passwords on our home computers. If there was I know I'd get accused of cheating. Our marriage is in enough trouble to drag that into the mix.


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