# does your wife's number bother you??



## cocovas09

my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot... 

does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??


----------



## GhostRydr

cocovas09 said:


> my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot...
> 
> does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??


----------



## C123

It's sort of irrelevant isn't it? If a person doesn't know who he is marrying, that's his fault isn't it? If a number of sexual partners is important to know to him, he should have asked the question earlier. If he didn't like the number, he should move along.

By the way, 7 partners by the age of 23 is nothing to feel bad about. I think that it demonstrates that you took some effort to learn about yourself, what you liked, didn't like, etc. 

Frankly, even if you said it was 30 partners, who cares? Don't let others judge you on such a meaningless statistic.

I don't know how many men my wife has been with and I don't care. I would never give her crap about it because I chose to marry her knowing she had been sexually active before me. I would never demean her over this number. That would be totally insensitive.


----------



## MooseAndSquirrel

Never asked and never will. I'm interested in the here and now.


----------



## Amplexor

My wife's number is substantially higher than mine. Probably 3 or 4 fold. Never bothered me, just sparring rounds in preparation of the big event as far as I'm concerned. One piece of advice, we never discuss specific acts, partners or compare physical attributes or skills of our past partners. I think that has helped us to keep secure in our sex life. 25+ years.


----------



## Unsure in Seattle

I didn't know what you were talking about at first, so I guess that's an answer.


----------



## Drover

Unsure in Seattle said:


> I didn't know what you were talking about at first, so I guess that's an answer.


My answer too.


----------



## Amplexor

frankieg said:


> not to hijack this thread or anything but what is "normal" for a 47 yr old american woman? or man for that matter? i am canadian so i don't know but my other half is american.


About as varied as bowling averages.


----------



## Amplexor

*Player!!!*


----------



## bubbly girl

It's not really something me and my husband talk about. I know his is higher, but I have no idea what the exact number of women are. I don't really care, and I don't think he does either

As long as our numbers are each 1 since we've been together, that's all that matters.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

Is it weird that I have no idea what my own number is? I know it's fairly high and included a lot of ONS in high school etc... I guess I didn't realize you were supposed to keep track of this stuff. Perhaps I should only count the "real" relationships. That would make the number a lot more reasonable.


----------



## InTheBedIMade

every experience made her what she is in bed today, so I'll continue to be ok with it.
ours are both a little on the high side, but there is only the one that really matters. Better to get that crap out of the way early on than to feel as though you've missed something after being married...


----------



## anchorwatch

We just spoke about this after almost 40 years together...

So do you still think it matters?


----------



## Deejo

frankieg said:


> not to hijack this thread or anything but what is "normal" for a 47 yr old american woman? or man for that matter? i am canadian so i don't know but my other half is american.


28 ... for both sexes, according to Deejo

according to some dude named Kinsey, it is 4 lifetime partners for women, and 7 for men ... on average.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Some people prefer not to know and I can understand that. I know his and he knows mine. Compared to most TAMmers, our numbers are very low but we're both fine with it. Don't ask for the number though unless you're ready to hear it. Women tend to underreport and men (IMHO) tend to overreport. 



GhostRydr said:


>


They're not talking about phone numbers.


----------



## Cara

When I found out my husbands # was 1/3 of mine I decided to keep that info to myself. I dont know any man who isnt a little insecure about his woman being more experienced than him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrsOldNews

Deejo said:


> 28 ... for both sexes, according to Deejo
> 
> according to some dude named Kinsey, it is 4 lifetime partners for women, and 7 for men ... on average.


Wow really???! I just read an article recently that said the average 24 year old women has had sex with 18 guys.
I hate statistics can't ever go by them, to many variables.


----------



## sandc

Mine is 3 and my wife is 1. I wish mine was 1. If I could only go back in time knowing what I know now.

Heh, I guess I'd be rich too.


----------



## MrsOldNews

C123 said:


> It's sort of irrelevant isn't it? If a person doesn't know who he is marrying, that's his fault isn't it? If a number of sexual partners is important to know to him, he should have asked the question earlier. If he didn't like the number, he should move along.
> 
> Frankly, even if you said it was 30 partners, who cares? Don't let others judge you on such a meaningless statistic.
> 
> I don't know how many men my wife has been with and I don't care. I would never give her crap about it because I chose to marry her knowing she had been sexually active before me. I would never demean her over this number. That would be totally insensitive.


Everyone should adopt this philosophy seriously. Very well put!

And since I've been speculating about threads all night tonight. 

To the OP:
Do you think he's jealous your number is higher and he didn't get to experience as much as you did before tying the knot? Does he think your tainted now? Or maybe he's insecure thinking those guys were better than him and he can't get it out of his head. Any of those scenarios should lead to him apologizing for trying to make you feel like $hit about his obvious insecurities. And if it doesn't lead to that he needs to get some kind of help dealing with it before his resentment drives a permanent wedge between you


----------



## Randy52

I am my wife's 3rd husband. She got an early start and was a bit promiscuous during her teens and between marriages 1 and 2. Needless to say, her number is substantially higher than mine. It has never been an issue for me.....in fact, I find it arousing that she has had so many. I am grateful to each and every one because I am the beneficiary of all of her experience.


----------



## lamaga

Completely unimportant, but probably not something that should ever be discussed unless you know your partner is mature enough not to freak out about things that happened before you two ever met...


----------



## PBear

My GF's number is about 10x higher than mine, and it doesn't bother me. We've talked about past partners and experiences, and neither of us has any issues with things. At 40+ years old, a little baggage is expected. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Racer

The number doesn’t bother me half as much as finding out later about her ‘attitude’ toward sex. It’s a casual thing to her that you can do with ‘friends’ and just doesn’t mean that much. “I was just horny”. And this was long, long before she started affairs. It’s completely different for me as it’s a bonding thing; So my number is really low. 

And just as annoying is finding out how many of the guys we are still friends with she had slept with before we got together. The idea that she remained friends with them, we hung out with them still (and one was my friends as well who never told me)... Especially when the dude is the one to tell you how he and your wife used to hook up in the old days.... I sort of expected it since I’ve known her since elementary school and there are bound to be commonalities; But to avoid telling me and letting me find out 20 years later after I discover her adultery? (Btw; her OP’s weren’t any of these old friends)...


----------



## Grayson

The only thing about my wife's that bothers me is that she added to it after we were married.

We'd never asked each other our specific numbers (but I felt fairly confident from knowing her past that hers was higher than mine), but once she began to view her behavior as that of a sex/love addict, she sat down and tallied it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

^^^^the more important number is after marriage


----------



## Enginerd

cocovas09 said:


> my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot...
> 
> does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??


7 is a reasonable number and wouldn't bother me a bit. Your hubs is actually the outlier in this case. I think he's a bit insecure because he was a virgin and not because of your reasonable number.


----------



## GTdad

The insecurity revealed by husbands in these sorts of threads is kind of appalling. And makes me feel a little better about my own insecurities. I only wonder about whether my wife loves me, not about some guys she boinked before I even knew she existed.


----------



## TBT

Never really dwelled on it.I had more partners than she did and that never bothered her.We were both honest about it before we married.We were in love with who we were to one another at the time and that's all that mattered.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

I've never cared about the number. I know it's greater than zero but beyond that I dont care. What does bother me is wondering what "acts" she did with others that she refuses to do with me. As I get older I wonder what she felt about the others that made her so willing and what that says about how she feels about me.


----------



## lamaga

Huh. That would bother me too, Working.

H and I are working toward the only thing I've never done, but it's slow going.


----------



## tacoma

cocovas09 said:


> my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot...
> 
> does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??


I don`t know my wife's number, I don`t ask my wife's number, if she came in here and told me it was 756 I wouldn`t give a damn.

I do know it`s well beyond 7 though.


----------



## tacoma

WorkingOnMe said:


> Is it weird that I have no idea what my own number is? I know it's fairly high and included a lot of ONS in high school etc... I guess I didn't realize you were supposed to keep track of this stuff. Perhaps I should only count the "real" relationships. That would make the number a lot more reasonable.


No, not weird really.

I only know mine because my last girlfriend asked me and I had to take some time to count..

:rofl:

I didn`t tell her but it made me curious when she asked.


----------



## tacoma

Deejo said:


> according to some dude named Kinsey, it is 4 lifetime partners for women, and 7 for men ... on average.


Seriously?

Christ I`m a *****!


----------



## lamaga

Me, too, Tac...me, too!


----------



## cocovas09

MrsOldNews said:


> Everyone should adopt this philosophy seriously. Very well put!
> 
> And since I've been speculating about threads all night tonight.
> 
> To the OP:
> Do you think he's jealous your number is higher and he didn't get to experience as much as you did before tying the knot? Does he think your tainted now? Or maybe he's insecure thinking those guys were better than him and he can't get it out of his head. Any of those scenarios should lead to him apologizing for trying to make you feel like $hit about his obvious insecurities. And if it doesn't lead to that he needs to get some kind of help dealing with it before his resentment drives a permanent wedge between you


no, i dont think he's jealous. i dont know that he thinks i'm "tainted", but i do think he wishes that he was my one and only like i am for him. he's asked me about my past experiences and ive NEVER said anything... except for a tiny little thing i let slip about a drunken halloween in new orleans before we met. i dont think it's serious enough to drive a wedge between us. we both have a sense of humor about it. i'm not ashamed about my past, and for the most part he's ok with it... but it's one of those things for me when people say "there's a grain of truth to every joke" kind of thing... but like a lot of other people are saying here.. their numbers are MUCH MUCH higher than mine.


----------



## Zippy the chimp

My wife's number never mattered to me except that is when it went up after we were married now I am bothered by that number.


----------



## lamaga

Well, yeah, Zip, that's reasonable! *sorry*


----------



## MEM2020

Our number is about the same. 

I love my W - she is fun, playful, smart and full of mischief. She is the sum of her experiences. If I subtract the other guys - I would be with someone different. 

For certain she is grateful to me for being different than those "other guys". 


[miQUOTE=cocovas09;840445]my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot... 

does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??[/QUOTE]


----------



## sirdano

We did not think the number made us any more "experince". After we got married and in our younger years we learn a hell of a lot more from watching porn together.

Oh and if it matters me 2 her 7


----------



## nxs450

It never bothered me until the time I was on chemo for hep c. It messed with my endrocine system and caused my brain chemistry to change. I started having obsessive compuslive thoughts about her past boy friends. Also severe depresion, anxiety, ect. It was the 2nd worse thing I had ever been through.


----------



## SoWhat

Deejo said:


> according to some dude named Kinsey, it is 4 lifetime partners for women, and 7 for men ... on average.



Wait...

So more men are sleeping with less women? 
That is, there are a few girls who sleep with a lot of guys, raising the men's number up (significantly) ? 

Am I thinking of this right?


----------



## aug

What if the number is 20? Is that okay?

50?

100?

300?



For those who say numbers do not matter, what is the line?


----------



## GTdad

It's not like alot of us (male or female) would get accurate numbers even if we did make the mistake of asking, and no, I really don't care.

Except maybe that's not really true. Iamega posted on another thread about maybe not being too excited to be with a man who's been with 80+ women, and I was going to tease her a little about "hey, so numbers matter after all, eh?" Then I realized that I wouldn't be too excited about it either.

I think numbers can be so high that it would make me sit back and wonder what sex meant to this person. If they have sex as casually as ordering Chinese, I could see having a fundamental difference of opinion on the matter which would probably end the relationship unless there's been considerable rethinking and changes on the part of the other person.


----------



## lamaga

You're completely right, GTDad, I do have a double standard! I think numbers are nobody's business and I don't really care, but when you start getting over about 50, I start looking askance...

So yeah. I'm inconsistent. Newsflash!


----------



## GTdad

Hey, I'm not casting stones; I'm right there with you.

Numbers don't matter, until they do.


----------



## Runs like Dog

"37?" "Try not to suck any d^ck on your way through the parking lot"


----------



## SoWhat

Anyone want to help me with math? I have two liberal arts degrees and a law degree, all because I hate counting.

If the average man has 7 and the average woman has 4,
? 
There's a relatively small core of women sleeping with a relatively large number of men, raising men's numbers significantly? 
Or am I doing that wrong? 

My experience has always been that there's a few guys in any given social scene that get around with a lot of the girls, not vice versa (stereotypes about '****s' be damned).


----------



## Goldmember357

LOL no

if it bothered me i would not have married her. Perhaps its because of my background among other things but i have to truly know another human being and be deep with that person before i get real serious in a relationship. If i see things or how they lived their life and it disgusts me and is nothing on what i want or how i would live my life i try to avoid those individuals because i know (from experience) should i ignore the warning signs it will only come back to haunt me and lead to an eventual failure in the relationship in the not so far future. 

That is something that often leads to divorce but the divorce rate will only rise in the United States so its expected.


----------



## Goldmember357

SoWhat said:


> Anyone want to help me with math? I have two liberal arts degrees and a law degree, all because I hate counting.
> 
> If the average man has 7 and the average woman has 4,
> ?
> *There's a relatively small core of women sleeping with a relatively large number of men, raising men's numbers significantly? *
> Or am I doing that wrong?
> 
> My experience has always been that there's a few guys in any given social scene that get around with a lot of the girls, not vice versa (stereotypes about '****s' be damned).


Its not hard

And you are correct


The same "sl#tty" women get used up a lot and rack up a very high number. The "sl#ty woman" has a very very high number and she will get around with a lot of other men. The "sl#tty" woman will be in a small % of the overall population of female. It may appear that men who are players get with all the girls but of course this is not true they go for women who are the easiest to get and the easiest to bag that is how they get high numbers. The average male and female does not have a really high number at all the average male has a higher number because he happens to fall into a situation to get with a "high Number" female who just happens to want him for the night.


----------



## Goldmember357

the higher the number of sexual partners the more likely you are to divorce. The way a person treats sex and their sex life is a huge reflection on the individual overall and nobody of sane mind could argue otherwise. 

As it stands the higher number of sexual partners when not married leads to a higher chance of divorce. 

I have some stats on this i can dig up somewhere its really shocking to see that on average the likelihood for divorce increases rapidly the higher the number. As a divorce lawyer i do know a lot of this but of course individuals divorcing dont disclose their sexual past or life but i feel i get a good feeling on how they treat sex based on how they act and by observing their behavior among other things that get disclosed. For instance who was cheating, someone else knocked up, affairs, drama etc.


----------



## anonymouskitty

Well I can tell you my wife's number when we met ...0
And well..uh it did turn to 2 including me after our marriage but we got past the rough parts years ago.

Mine is a closely guarded secret but suffice to say that its considerably higher


----------



## In_The_Wind

lamaga said:


> You're completely right, GTDad, I do have a double standard! I think numbers are nobody's business and I don't really care, but when you start getting over about 50, I start looking askance...
> 
> So yeah. I'm inconsistent. Newsflash!


Don't hate the playa hate the Game
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## In_The_Wind

Quite the cutter I would say
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## romantic_guy

Deejo said:


> 28 ... for both sexes, according to Deejo
> 
> according to some dude named Kinsey, it is 4 lifetime partners for women, and 7 for men ... on average.


Then I guess both of us are way under average since we are each others first and only for 40 years. Of course when you start at 15 & 16 and get married a year later because she is pregnant, I guess there isn't much of a chance otherwise!


----------



## lamaga

Goldmember357 said:


> Its not hard
> 
> And you are correct
> 
> 
> The same "sl#tty" women get used up a lot and rack up a very high number. The "sl#ty woman" has a very very high number and she will get around with a lot of other men. The "sl#tty" woman will be in a small % of the overall population of female. It may appear that men who are players get with all the girls but of course this is not true they go for women who are the easiest to get and the easiest to bag that is how they get high numbers. The average male and female does not have a really high number at all the average male has a higher number because he happens to fall into a situation to get with a "high Number" female who just happens to want him for the night.


Whoa, there, buckaroo, can we be careful how we throw around the word "sl*t"? According to you a woman with a higher number is a worthless sl*t, while a man with a higher number is just taking advantage of his opportunities. The old standard, "he's a ladies man, she's a wh*re" thing. But it's 2012 now, and I find your assumptions appalling. I only wish I could find that little finger-waggy icon.

And I agree with the others, a lot of the difference has to do with women under-reporting.


----------



## RClawson

Good God I threads like this on this forum are my biggest trigger. It would not bother me if my wife was with 1,2,5 or even 10 guys (She was with one). What makes it bad is that his shadow has loomed large over our relationship since the beginning. I will not go into the details here ever again but I honestly wish she never told me. She says she would feel horrible carrying that around with here all these years. Lucky me I have been able to carry that load for her.


----------



## Goldmember357

lamaga said:


> Whoa, there, buckaroo, can we be careful how we throw around the word "sl*t"? According to you a woman with a higher number is a worthless sl*t, while a man with a higher number is just taking advantage of his opportunities. The old standard, "he's a ladies man, she's a wh*re" thing. But it's 2012 now, and I find your assumptions appalling. I only wish I could find that little finger-waggy icon.
> 
> And I agree with the others, a lot of the difference has to do with women under-reporting.


the guy is a man wh#re if he has a high number. Does that make you feel better?

I only used the word "sl#t" because it is often used to describe a woman who sleeps around a lot and has a high number. Sorry if this is not politically correct for you i did not mean to offend any individual.


----------



## RClawson

frankieg said:


> your worried about one guy? most of us have 15-30 or more before us. you are lucky and should not worry at all.


Not to be rude but your statement is naive. I would rather know by wife had 15 ons that one passionate physical relationship that defined her early adulthood. You see dude because of family dynamics we are connected to his family for life. I am an unintentional cuckold. 

She says she has forgotten him but there are to many triggers for me to ever believe that.


----------



## larry.gray

Deejo said:


> according to some dude named Kinsey, it is 4 lifetime partners for women, and 7 for men ... on average.


The key part of those numbers is the "on average."

Particularly when you consider the number of women is about the same as the number of men out there. How do you get a mismatch like that? There are a few women who run up the number for the men. Many women have a number below 4, and a few run up very high. Not many men go up anywhere near as much as those few women.


----------



## larry.gray

SoWhat said:


> Wait...
> 
> So more men are sleeping with less women?
> That is, there are a few girls who sleep with a lot of guys, raising the men's number up (significantly) ?
> 
> Am I thinking of this right?


Yes. You just figured this out now?


----------



## Accipiter777

The only number I care about is the number 1. Thats after we met.


----------



## Machiavelli

cocovas09 said:


> my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot...
> 
> does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??


If your H knew your number before he married you, he should just shut up. My guess is that he's working on you to give him permission to even the score.


----------



## that_girl

I don't underreport. Hubs is lucky number 9. Not bad for being 36.


----------



## Zippy the chimp

Through recent experience I will tell you don't worry about your spouse's number of partners before you were married or together, worry about that one person out there who is trying to add to your spouses number right now.


----------



## Peachy Cat

Early on in our "reunited" relationship, my BF told me he did not want to know my number. I think it was just so he wouldn't have to own up to his! LOL.

We were each others' firsts (not counting my childhood bad experience) and then we went on to marry others and live lives apart for 27 years. I don't think either of us are particularly high, though. Mine is 7 (includes 2 marriages, 2 somewhat long term relationships, 1 ONS, my abuser, and my BF). I only know of 3 for him (his ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend, and me). He has hinted at a ONS and at least one somewhat long term relationship. I'll never know because I will never ask


----------



## Numb in Ohio

I didn't marry until I was 34. I was promiscuous as a teenager because of sexual abuse. So my number was considerably high. 

My H "says" his is only like 5... I'm his 3rd marriage now,, and he's only been single for 2 1/2years since he graduated in 81.. 

What he failed to tell me until our recent issue... was some of the women he slept with, he had slept with multiple times during his marriages... he cheated on his wives with his ex's...... guess that would keep anyones numbers down now wouldn't it...??


----------



## Entropy3000

The number, type and quality of relationships is important to some in choosing a lifetime marriage partner. Obviously age plays a role in this.

At the extreme some guys want a party girl and some guys do not. Primarily it is about compatibility. Many men do not want a woman with low self respect. It is one thing to mature over time and gain that respect and it is another to treat having sex like going to starbucks. To each their own but that is just it. Folks have a right to care.

Me personally if you are in your early 20s and do not know your number or cannot name their names then you are probably not someone I would have been interested in marrying. This would have been evident likely through other ways as well. Value system. That said, even now I would not be interested in a woman who did not have some reasonably finite number of serious partners through her lifetime since those early years.

I have a right to feel about it any way I want. So do others. 

I wonder how the number tracks or does not track with those people who insist on having a large number of opposite sex friends while married. How would a spouse know how many of these people were ex lovers?


----------



## Caribbean Man

Entropy3000 said:


> The number, type and quality of relationships is important to some in choosing a lifetime marriage partner. Obviously age plays a role in this.
> 
> At the extreme some guys want a party girl and some guys do not. Primarily it is about compatibility. Many men do not want a woman with low self respect. It is one thing to mature over time and gain that respect and it is another to treat having sex like going to starbucks. To each their own but that is just it. Folks have a right to care.
> 
> Me personally if you are in your early 20s and do not know your number or cannot name their names then you are probably not someone I would have been interested in marrying. This would have been evident likely through other ways as well. Value system. That said, even now I would not be interested in a woman who did not have some reasonably finite number of serious partners through who lifetime since those early years.
> 
> I have a right to feel about it any way I want. So do others.
> 
> *I wonder how the number tracks or does not track with those people who insist on having a large number of opposite sex friends while married. How would a spouse know how many of these people were ex lovers?*




Finally!
A logical answer on a serious matter.
The older a person is,and the longer they took before committing to one partner will impact on their number of partners. That is quite understandable.

But I refuse to accept that any young " lady " under the age of let's say 25 yrs should have a list of former sexual partners resembling a grocery bill. Of course,in this matter,society is hypocritical,because the same doesn't apply for men. But women and men place different values on sex.
Basically,the more value a woman places on her body / self respect ,the harder it is for the" entire football team " or any random guy to get any body part /appendage of theirs into any one of her body orifices.
So if it does not matter to a man,then that's his choice and should be respected.He will have to live with the consequence of that.
If a guy says it matters,then that is also his choice,and should also be respected. He can be sure the consequence of which is more palatable to live with.


----------



## Entropy3000

Caribbean Man said:


> [/B]
> 
> Finally!
> A logical answer on a serious matter.
> The older a person is,and the longer they took before committing to one partner will impact on their number of partners. That is quite understandable.
> 
> But I refuse to accept that any young " lady " under the age of let's say 25 yrs should have a list of former sexual partners resembling a grocery bill. Of course,in this matter,society is hypocritical,because the same doesn't apply for men. But women and men place different values on sex.
> Basically,the more value a woman places on her body / self respect ,the harder it is for the" entire football team " or any random guy to get any body part /appendage of theirs into any one of her body orifices.
> So if it does not matter to a man,then that's his choice and should be respected.He will have to live with the consequence of that.
> If a guy says it matters,then that is also his choice,and should also be respected. He can be sure the consequence of which is more palatable to live with.


I would not be interested in any woman who would continually be able to compartmentalize sex from an emotional relationship. So the it is just sex attitude would be a deal breaker for me. I would allow for the maturing process. There was a time in my younger years "any woman in the world could have know me better -- Mr. Soul". But I outgrew that prior to the age when a man is supposed to reach maturity. This is supposed to be well beyond in years from a woman. But I digress.

Choosing a wife is not like hiring someone at the local mall. It is not even like having a friend or respect for a colleague. 

If women wish to choose this way then all fine and good for them. I could care less about folks wanting to enjoy recreational sex. But I would be wary of a woman who continually seeks out strange as a life's quest.


----------



## MyselfAgain

Just wanted to add that Kinsey died in 1956. Though his research was groundbreaking at the time and is incredibly important to the sexual revolution, the numbers cited earlier in this thread are likely 70-80 years old. I would imagine that the real averages are higher now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

MyselfAgain said:


> Just wanted to add that Kinsey died in 1956. Though his research was groundbreaking at the time and is incredibly important to the sexual revolution, the numbers cited earlier in this thread are likely 70-80 years old. I would imagine that the real averages are higher now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For sure. Birth control. Teenage sex is very accepted these days. Kids are having sex much earlier and more often. We can see the agenda to reduce any stigma related to having a larger number of partners especially for women.

I still think that there are groupings of those who by the age of say 30 have a single digit number, those less than twenty, those between 20 to maybe 50 and then above. Like any use of numbers it is a continuum of course with all sorts of combinations of type and quality.

The number itself is not the only factor. I mean it would be kinda creepy for someone to have a number of 8 and they all be ONS. Also hard to have a number of 50 and claim they were mostly LTRs.

I suggest whatever the number how one hooks up might be of interest. A person who hooks up via craigslist may be desirable for some but definitely not for many others. A partier who goes clubbing year after year and hooks up often racking up the numbers is certainly someone who is pursuing happiness and has every right to do so. One might surmise however that they would be most compatible with someone who has been doing the same and not a good partner for some Beta guy who will be watching the kids while his wife is out clubbing. This is about probabilities though.

Sure it also matters whether a person has the ability to just flat change their life style when they marry. 

More important than sheer number is the persons propensity to bend boundaries in a relationship. Are they a cheater or someone who lies about thier past?

There is something to be said for marrying someone who has proved they can stay in a long term relationship and remain faithful. There are no garantees in life for sure. But we can only make judegments on what we know about a person. We are very much blinded though by our brain chemicals. Meaning if we are in love we may decide to roll the dice.

A smaller number though may be compatible with hypergamy. Just to show another viewpoint. A woman could have a number of say 5 and have been married twice before each time climbing the economic and social ladder. This woman may after a while at social gatherings become more interested in the son of the owner of the company you work for as an example.

Also how often do we see high school sweethearts marry and both being each others first and then one of the spouses claim they never had a chance to date other people?

Ultimately this is something one absolutely needs to deal with BEFORE marriage. Now if the information upfront was less than truthful then you flat married someone willing to lie about it. That is a whole other discussion.


----------



## Goldmember357

still telling you higher number means increased chance for divorce across the board its true most of the time. 

divorce rate is only going to rise as well i assure you that.


----------



## JoeRockStar

Don't know, don't care. The past is the past.

My wife knew about my countless escapades prior to meeting me, she was warned by others that I was a "player". We met at the perfect time, I was VERY tired of bed hopping and wanted to settle down.


----------



## In_The_Wind

You know the 80s where pretty wild until the time magazine cover on herpes came out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkaydezz

i have always been told not to talk about it. but i think if you are in a relationship there should be nothing to keep if asked. but nowwww haha i may just agree with that!


----------



## nxs450

The only one that bothers me is the one time in her affair. It has been almost 4 years and I still can't stand to think about it.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove

Geez, my husband and I never discussed it, prior to, after or during our marriage--at anytime.

Never came up, don't care.

Never compared sizes, performance, anything.

Only think I know about his sex life prior is he liked older woman and the one before me gave a good BJ. 

That's all I know.


----------



## Dr. Rockstar

My wife knew I was a virgin when we married, and she volunteered that she had a small number of partners that she was very apologetic for. It hasn't ever been a big deal. But it is equally inappropriate to harass a spouse for a high number of partners as it would be to harass them for having fewer or no partners before marriage.

That is, completely and totally inappropriate.


----------



## dbc

yes my wife's number bothers me greatly . i guess it is because i dated her when she was 16, and 17 she was a virgin.
we broke up for 18 months . we got back together but while we was apart she had sex with 8 different guys. we have been married 29 years now, but it still hurts.
i guess it hurts because i was not her first, and that i care about her.


----------



## stepfordwife

Don't you guys care about the saying: you sleep with everyone else your partner has slept with"? Hmm, please tell me


----------



## Caribbean Man

stepfordwife said:


> Don't you guys care about the saying: you sleep with everyone else your partner has slept with"? Hmm, please tell me



:iagree:

I believe a person has the right to know the sexual history of thier partners. 
Just as such a person has the right to refuse to tell.However, he or she does so at their own risk of rejection.
So if we are promoting openess and transparency,then it is only fair that a person know what he or she is dealing with in a potential life partner.
I believe that people when dating should be very circumspect in their choice of sexual partners.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Entropy3000 said:


> Also how often do we see high school sweethearts marry and both being each others first and then one of the spouses claim they never had a chance to date other people?


This was US and I was well aware this could happen to me.. It was in the back of my mind even.....as my beloved Grandma always pounded it into my head ....to "play the field" before I married, so I wouldn't have any regrets later in life... feeling I missed out on something.... 

I always listened to her wisdom... Although for me, sex was not a part of that.... so I broke up with my BF/now husband for a short time (met him at 15), gave his ring back , and dated another... Didn't take me too long to realize that type of guy was not for me...I missed my "best friend"...he was waiting with open arms... 

He understood it was something I *needed* to DO... I explained it as best as I could.... even leaving this saying with him ....."_If you love something, let it go free, if it doesn't come back to you, it was never meant to be yours... if it does, love it forever_". 

It broke his heart for a time... but he had comfort that If/when I came back...he'd be my 1st....and only.... 

I will always be thankful for that experience.... it opened my eyes to what WE had all along...took the mystery out of what everyone else was experiencing -living it up. I had the *peace* I was looking for... I suddendly KNEW HE was my forever .....so we happily set out to plan our Big wedding. 

Neither of us have any regrets ....and the fact we have only been with each other --is so very special, hard to put into words, but we feel it strongly....it means the world to him....and myself... this in itself..."carries" us through the harder times. 

I have a 15 yr old son who just celebrated 9 months with his GF, they think they are madly in love, I see US playing all over again... inseparable, I know this can happen, but yet ..I will encourage both of them to "play that feild" just a little -- I know how rare this IS...but yet we know it happens too !


----------



## lovelygirl

I'm 24 and my number is 1 until now.
I wouldn't be interested to know the number of my partner/husband as long as he didn't bang all the girls in the neighborhood/town. You wonder how would I know the number if he didn't tell me? Well..if I've heard that he is/was one of the most known playboys in town then probably I wouldn't think high of him and would call him a man*****. 
If a guy is 30 and his number is 20+ then for me this is a high number and I don't think I'd consider being with him. 

Generally though, the past should remain like that and should never be mentioned, unless there was something that could possibly change my view on him.


----------



## lovelygirl

I forgot to add that you don't have to have a high number to be called "experienced" or to show off. 
You can stay with one person for 5 years and still be more experienced than someone who has had 10 meaningless ONS.


----------



## Son of Kong

Anything that happened before you got together unless they were the town door knob, shouldn't be of a concern.
Anything that happens after well that's a different story then everything comes into question, I rips me apart to think her number has went up since we were married.


----------



## Machiavelli

dbc said:


> yes my wife's number bothers me greatly . i guess it is because i dated her when she was 16, and 17 she was a virgin.
> we broke up for 18 months . we got back together but while we was apart she had sex with 8 different guys. we have been married 29 years now, but it still hurts.
> i guess it hurts because i was not her first, and that i care about her.


I had the exact same experience with the LTGF. She'd gotten nailed by "one" guy in the interim. uh, right. Believed it at the time, but not for long, as she soon went megaslvt behind my back after we were back together under the influence of her Icelandic college roommate (who admitted to 4 abortions at age 20!) and John Barleycorn. No, we did not get married. When she was about 30, she finally ended up marrying an acquaintance of mine whose wife left him for another woman. I got an invite, but didn't go. He was a very nice guy, but no prize in the attraction dept. She was a knockout when we broke up. Natural blonde, blue eyes, 5'10". I saw her again about 18 months later when I helped her out with some court testimony and she was already looking rough. I can only guess what kind of mileage she had on he by then to have to settle for that guy.

My wife admits to 2 before me. I believed it when we married, but not anymore. Too many inconsistencies between what she told me in the beginning and things she's said since. Plus, I now know that when a woman gives you a number, multiply by 3 and go from there.


----------



## stepfordwife

Son of Kong said:


> Anything that happened before you got together unless they were the town door knob, shouldn't be of a concern.
> Anything that happens after well that's a different story then everything comes into question, I rips me apart to think her number has went up since we were married.


Oh really?! Well that's good to know. Now I know the saying wasn't. True? ...

But it CAN be because of the std spreading factor... right? And the fact fail fails at times (not speaking of pregnancy here but disease prevention) .

What do you guys think? "Old thinking" or truth?


----------



## effess

Hers is 0, so I'm fine with that . 
Although I have to admit, there's times when I wonder if that's really the case. I know how women can adjust their "count" depending on the circumstance. Chris Rock has some hilarious material on how whatever the woman tells you double it and whatever a man tells you halve it. 
Just whenever this topic arises, which is rare, there's just something about her that doesn't look entirely truthful. 
However, before my wife I did date someone who did have partners before me and it did always bother me. But I've always had self-esteem issues, so it would always bother me. 
I've always felt only people with self-esteem issues are bothered by their partner's past.


----------



## Gaia

No my wifes number doesn't bother me because I have no wife and never plan on having one! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## effess

Is there correlation between your 'number' and whether you are LD/HD in your marriage. basically if you had a low number of partners than they tend to be LD but if they had a lot of partners than they tend to be HD.
Just curious.


----------



## Goldmember357

Machiavelli said:


> I had the exact same experience with the LTGF. She'd gotten nailed by "one" guy in the interim. uh, right. Believed it at the time, but not for long, as she soon went megaslvt behind my back after we were back together under the influence of her Icelandic college roommate (who admitted to 4 abortions at age 20!) and John Barleycorn. No, we did not get married. When she was about 30, she finally ended up marrying an acquaintance of mine whose wife left him for another woman. I got an invite, but didn't go. He was a very nice guy, but no prize in the attraction dept. She was a knockout when we broke up. Natural blonde, blue eyes, 5'10". I saw her again about 18 months later when I helped her out with some court testimony and she was already looking rough. I can only guess what kind of mileage she had on he by then to have to settle for that guy.
> 
> My wife admits to 2 before me. I believed it when we married, but not anymore. Too many inconsistencies between what she told me in the beginning and things she's said since. Plus, I now know that when a woman gives you a number, multiply by 3 and go from there.


how does this not bother you?

does not tell the truth and you are okay with this?


----------



## CoolBreeze10

My wife has had more partners than me but it has never bothered me. I never once thought about it ever since she told me until I saw this thread.


----------



## mrandmrs247

Seriously who cares? My wife's number is higher......bothered, not at all.


----------



## Entropy3000

JoeRockStar said:


> Don't know, don't care. The past is the past.
> 
> My wife knew about my countless escapades prior to meeting me, she was warned by others that I was a "player". We met at the perfect time, I was VERY tired of bed hopping and wanted to settle down.


You would not be on my list of a possible future wife.

LOL.


----------



## Entropy3000

lovelygirl said:


> I forgot to add that you don't have to have a high number to be called "experienced" or to show off.
> You can stay with one person for 5 years and still be more experienced than someone who has had 10 meaningless ONS.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## TiggyBlue

husband doesn't know or care about my numbers and I don't care about his (neither of us were saints), all we both cared about was if protection was always used and std checks


----------



## chillymorn

na i could care less. because I'm the best!!!!

thump chest like tarzan.


----------



## 40isthenew20

Any number, albeit small or not, bothers me. Yeah, I know...it shouldn't matter. But I'm a jealous bastard and can't even think about someone else tapping the woman who eventually became my wife and the mother of my children. It drives me nuts. 

Of course we had this discussion whie we were dating. I had a feeling (judging by the way she was in bed) that her number was a lot lower than mine. She told me I was her fifth (we were in or mid-20s when we met) and I felt that was reasonable. I didn't want to get serious with some girl banging out the whole block and their cousins. 

I wasn't jumping for joy, bt accepted it. She seemed surprised by my number, which I downplayed. I just hope she didn't do the same. I'm sure I can add 2-3 to hers, just because it's probable that she didn't want to be fully open, the same as me.


----------



## Thundarr

WorkingOnMe said:


> Perhaps I should only count the "real" relationships. That would make the number a lot more reasonable.


Honesty trumps reasonable. But I do think that's how women count.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

I'm actually a fan of full disclosure, not the "only the number matters, not any other details". I'd want to know who at a party has boinked my wife LOL. That said.

My wife's number is higher than mine and I'm 100% fine with it. I could give you every guys name she's been with and for how long (ONS to LTR) and it doesn't bother me one bit because it all made her who she was. Part of me being able to be her best friend is to be someone she could completely open up to. I have ZERO insecurities about previous lovers. I actually loved hearing her stories about her sexual times because I know she's not comparing me to them. I know I'm the best lover she's ever had, mostly because I'm the first guy who paid more attention to her during love making than to themselves. I know she wouldn't trade me for anyone in bed. I had one thing in my mind and this was before meeting her. 

I had/have a big issue about a person averaging 1 partner per year since being active. I wanted a partner who sex was more than just getting off and ONS's. I wanted a partner who has similar values about sex like me. My wife is one of those people. Her number is about double mine because I had 1 relationship in high school, then married my first wife out of college, had a rebound relationship and then met my wife. I had opportunities for ONS's but I'm not that kind of guy. My wife was single for 10 years before meeting me. She had relationships and a couple ONS (while not being in a relationship for a while). I appreciated her openness and honesty about it and would NEVER insult that over me being insecure about her past.


----------



## gbrad

I am suprised to read all the responses where the spouses did not talk about it. My wife and I talked about all of our relationships and how far they went before we ever even kissed. 
As for the number, my wifes is 1. Mine is 2. So not too different. Though she has said on a few different occasions early on that she didn't like to think about the other one, preferred to think that she was the only one. I like to remember back about all of the fun times I had with others.


----------



## Caribbean Man

My WIFE'S # is 868- 750-8026.
It bothered me because one time when I dialed,
I got a recording saying
"..all systems are busy now, please try again later.."


----------



## The Middleman

I've asked many times, she won't say a word.


----------



## Caribbean Man

stritle said:


> i met my wife when she was 16. if she had a high number, yes it would bother me.
> 
> as it turns out, her number is one. it doesn't bother me per se, *but it does scare me sometimes that curiosity will set in*.


I can identify with that!


----------



## Anonymous07

cocovas09 said:


> my hubs sort of jabs me about my number... and pretty often actually... i met him when i was 23, and my number was 7... i thought that was pretty normal?? kind of on the low side? but my hubs was a virgin when i met him.. so i guess compared to 0, 7 is a lot...
> 
> does your wife's number bother you? too high? too low??


I asked my husband his number because I had never had sex(so 0 was my number) when I met him and I looked at sex as something that is very important, only to be shared between two people in love. He told me he had slept with 3 women, all of whom he was in a serious relationship with at the time. He's also older than me, so I wasn't bothered by that number. I wanted to know that he viewed sex in the same light/had the same values as me. I did ask him to get checked though for STDs and he did so willingly and already had before as well. My husband is happy with my number, knowing he is the only one I have had sex with.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

frankieg said:


> holy red flag batman


big time!!!


----------



## Dad&Hubby

I'm surprised no one has said their wife's name is Jenny and her number is
8675309

Come on someone had to.


----------



## Thundarr

Compatibility matters and that's why I wanted to know my wife's history. I was no saint and neither was she. 

If she was a virgin or if her number was way up there then that would be a red flag about our similarities. Kinky stuff like swinging, orgies, etc would have been deal breakers because I know they would haunt me. Someone I could trust was very important so a history of serial cheating would have been a deal breaker. The number is really just a variable in the equation. Larger number of relationships over period of time would be better than a few ONS to me.

I think everyone chooses if they want to know or not. I would never move from semi serious to serious without she and I knowing each other's past. Now when it's not serious though, it's not so important.

I do have a big problem with being asked and then lying about it though. If you're going to lie about it then don't bother even answering.


----------



## larry.gray

Dad&Hubby said:


> I'm surprised no one has said their wife's name is Jenny and her number is
> 8675309
> 
> Come on someone had to.


Was reading Caribbean Man's post and said, wait a minute, it should be 8675309


----------



## rj700

I don't know my wife's number, I have never asked cause I just don't think it is important. She had 2 kids when we met, so I know it was greater than 1. I've never told her my number and she has never asked either. I assume because it doesn't matter to her either. I guess you could say that makes us compatible - at least in that specific area.

To me the only number that really matters is after you're married. That number should always be 1.


----------



## lovelygirl

stritle said:


> it doesn't bother me per se, but it does scare me sometimes that curiosity will set in.


What do you mean?
She might want to cheat on your out of curiosity? 
[Just like in Tears' case?]


----------



## Sbrown

Why would anyone over the age of 19 even ask???

Or keep count for that matter....


----------



## gbrad

Sbrown said:


> Why would anyone over the age of 19 even ask???
> 
> Or keep count for that matter....


Do people not share stories about themselves to their partners (dating relationships, engagements, marriages) when getting to know them? One way to get to know someone is to talk about your life. Your relationship past is apart of your life. 
Why should the relationship history or sexual history be off limits? I don't see what is wrong with discussing it with the person you are with. I am more than happy to do that. Hell, we gave semi detailed accounts of just how far we went with each person we had ever dated. Not just sharing a number.


----------



## Sbrown

gbrad said:


> Do people not share stories about themselves to their partners (dating relationships, engagements, marriages) when getting to know them? One way to get to know someone is to talk about your life. Your relationship past is apart of your life.
> Why should the relationship history or sexual history be off limits? I don't see what is wrong with discussing it with the person you are with. I am more than happy to do that. Hell, we gave semi detailed accounts of just how far we went with each person we had ever dated. Not just sharing a number.


Sure they do but do you ask, "Well did you sleep with them?" every time they speak of a date or relationship? My wife knows i have been married twice and knows that when I was single I had a good time but to go into detail about every sexual encounter just seems like an insecurity to me.


----------



## gbrad

Sbrown said:


> Sure they do but do you ask, "Well did you sleep with them?" every time they speak of a date or relationship? My wife knows i have been married twice and knows that when I was single I had a good time but to go into detail about every sexual encounter just seems like an insecurity to me.


We didn't really even have to ask, we just offered up all of the details about each relationship. And I would like to think that any other further relationships I have there would be no need to hide any of that. I personally don't mind talking about the things I have done.


----------



## livnlearn

stritle said:


> i met my wife when she was 16. if she had a high number, yes it would bother me.
> 
> as it turns out, her number is one. it doesn't bother me per se, but it does scare me sometimes that curiosity will set in.


my husband and I were the same way and occasionally he "jokingly" says that I am/will probably be curious...and I know he "jokes" because he worries. 

FTR...we've been married 26 years and I'm still NOT.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *Originally Posted by stritle :
> *i met my wife when she was 16. if she had a high number, yes it would bother me.
> 
> as it turns out, her number is one. it doesn't bother me per se, but it does scare me sometimes that curiosity will set in.


I met my husband when I was 15. The curiosity question....Here is my thoughts...

I can't say I have ever wanted to go across the fence, I have wondered in a moment what it may be like to be with another, since I've only been with 1 man... (this was only in my high drive phase...Testosterone was upping my fantasies )....but I think that is normal, and I don't down myself for such thoughts entering my head. 

I like watching porn, I am visual and fantasies are enjoyable... but the overwhelming play in my hottest sexual thoughts ....are going back in time, it still being me & my husband -re-living a wilder / freer sexual past... more adventure...more positions, me going down on him on our wedding night, more places, things like that. 

I would even go as far as to say....because we've only been with each other...and how HIGH we hold this in our







's (others may downplay how this is not important, but for us, we Up play what a special bond we share).... 

For this reason, I feel it would be like standing over a towering cliff , looking over...ready to plunge to the depths for the thrill of the fall....knowing if I jumped my life, OUR life, would never be the same as it was. That something very precious / priceless would forever be lost between us, something irrevocable, that we could never get back. 

How could I trample on that, it would be like ripping a peice of my own heart out & what I have held near sacred for 30 yrs with this man, I could never look myself in the mirror again, or live it down to hurt him like that.


----------



## theroad

RClawson said:


> Not to be rude but your statement is naive. I would rather know by wife had 15 ons that one passionate physical relationship that defined her early adulthood. You see dude because of family dynamics we are connected to his family for life. I am an unintentional cuckold.
> 
> She says she has forgotten him but there are to many triggers for me to ever believe that.


How are you an unitentional cuckold?


----------



## Thundarr

Sbrown said:


> Why would anyone over the age of 19 even ask???
> 
> Or keep count for that matter....


huh? Why would anyone not ask.
- I'd like to know how risky it is. STDs for one. Patterns of ONS, or drunk party screws, etc.
- Compatibility. I wouldn't want to marry a prostitute.
- Wanting to know more about your SO. Those are part of her past too. This is just a part of knowing personal stuff.
- If we're going to be around people she's slept with then I'd like to know who they are.


----------



## Entropy3000

Sbrown said:


> Why would anyone over the age of 19 even ask???
> 
> Or keep count for that matter....


I would not be interested in anyone who does not keep count of how many people they have had sex with. If they did not know them names even less so.

I am not talking about the number of times they had sex with a given person per se. But indeed if it is was a ONS or just fling week then that is about the same thing.

This is just part of knowing the person you would marry. But a very important part. 

This is about choosing a life long partner.

I would also want to know about drug use and arrests and infidelity and education along with all sorts of other ways to determine the persons potential for compatibility.

Choosing a partner for many is an important thing. Many want someone who takes having sex as more than "its just sex".

That sex I do not think you should have to ask. The information should be volunteered.


----------



## heartsbeating

stritle said:


> pretty much, ya.
> 
> we've been together for 18 years, and never once have i felt i have reason to worry, but i do wonder.
> communication isn't our strong point, so on things like this i'm left to my thoughts.


I'm the odd one in my group of friends - having met my husband at a young age and him being my only lover. I can't say I was "saving" myself for my husband though. I'm not religious; I just knew it'd crush me if I wasn't cherished in some way by a lover, and I do need to feel connection, so I was cautious. I wasn't seeking a relationship when we met, or even to be dating really, but I met my guy and it felt natural for us to be together. I couldn't get enough of being around him. And we continued being together..... going on 18 years.

A friend asked me the other night how old we were when we met. She asked if I'd wondered about being with others. I told her that honestly, no, not really. The only time was last year when it was make or break - but it wasn't just sexually - it was everything. And I realized in those thoughts, knowing where I would have lived and how my life would have looked, my attitude would still be very much as it was all those years ago. 

My husband has asked me if I ever felt I missed out. Missed out on what exactly? I cherish that I've had all these years and experiences and growth with him. He's said that he's never felt that he has; but he has wondered if I've felt this way.


----------



## Sbrown

Thundarr said:


> huh? Why would anyone not ask.
> - I'd like to know how risky it is. STDs for one. Patterns of ONS, or drunk party screws, etc.
> - Compatibility. I wouldn't want to marry a prostitute.
> - Wanting to know more about your SO. Those are part of her past too. This is just a part of knowing personal stuff.
> - If we're going to be around people she's slept with then I'd like to know who they are.


LOL, how risky what is? I sure hope you are not having unprotected sex with people you barely know. 

If you can't tell a person's personality/compatibility within a few dates, then how many does it take? A women doesn't have to tell me she slept around, it is a vibe I get, her personality. I have met only a few women that would divulge that info on the first few dates anyway. 

I guess I don't care if she has slept with anyone we are around or not. She could cheat on me with a guy she hasn't slept with just as easy. 

I'm not saying I don't know my wifes past. I do. But I damn sure didn't start drilling her for info.


----------



## Thundarr

Thundarr said:


> huh? Why would anyone not ask.
> - I'd like to know how risky it is. STDs for one. Patterns of ONS, or drunk party screws, etc.
> - Compatibility. I wouldn't want to marry a prostitute.
> - Wanting to know more about your SO. Those are part of her past too. This is just a part of knowing personal stuff.
> - If we're going to be around people she's slept with then I'd like to know who they are.





Sbrown said:


> LOL, how risky what is? I sure hope you are not having unprotected sex with people you barely know.


I already said it's risky and what IT is? But I'll explain it this time. STD: Many have herpes for example or HIV and don't know it them selves. You get that from unprotected sex so you odds go up with more partners. "Patterns of ONS". A person who has participated in multiple ONS has a different view on sex than I do or it could be lack of impulse control or vulnerability when drunk or something. That's risky to assume we are compatible.



Sbrown said:


> If you can't tell a person's personality/compatibility within a few dates, then how many does it take? A women doesn't have to tell me she slept around, it is a vibe I get, her personality. I have met only a few women that would divulge that info on the first few dates anyway.


Your spidy sense must only work on women because you apparently read my mind got it wrong. No sexual past does not come up or matter when first dating. It does not matter until deciding to be serious which took more (a lot more) time than three dates. Seven years in our case. That's when I asked.

I don't have that sixth sense to tell the future or to know what someone else thinks but does not say. Would you get married after a few dates? I mean you know her so 100% then why not? No it takes a few dates to know who you think they are and who you hope they are. It takes more than a year to know though. Do you know a bipolar person by their manic cycle? No.



Sbrown said:


> If you can't tell a person's I guess I don't care if she has slept with anyone we are around or not. She could cheat on me with a guy she hasn't slept with just as easy.


That's fine. I personally would like to know if she or I are around anyone she's slept with. I'm not much for opposite sex friends during marriage but I'm 100% against past lover friends. So yea it makes a difference.



Sbrown said:


> I'm not saying I don't know my wifes past. I do. But I damn sure didn't start drilling her for info.


Well then I have no idea what your saying? Do you think I tied my wife to a chair and tortured her into talking lol. No I'm glad the FBI does not use your sixth sense or I would be in trouble.


----------



## Caribbean Man

heartsbeating said:


> *I'm the odd one in my group of friends - having met my husband at a young age and him being my only lover. I can't say I was "saving" myself for my husband though. I'm not religious; I just knew it'd crush me if I wasn't cherished in some way by a lover, and I do need to feel connection, so I was cautious. *I wasn't seeking a relationship when we met, or even to be dating really, but I met my guy and it felt natural for us to be together. I couldn't get enough of being around him. And we continued being together..... going on 18 years.
> 
> A friend asked me the other night how old we were when we met. She asked if I'd wondered about being with others. I told her that honestly, no, not really. The only time was last year when it was make or break - but it wasn't just sexually - it was everything. And I realized in those thoughts, knowing where I would have lived and how my life would have looked, my attitude would still be very much as it was all those years ago.
> 
> My husband has asked me if I ever felt I missed out. Missed out on what exactly? I cherish that I've had all these years and experiences and growth with him. He's said that he's never felt that he has; but he has wondered if I've felt this way.


:iagree:
So I guess one does not have to be some religious fanatic or queer, to decide that her sexuality is indeed precious to her and that she should be very discriminating with who she allows to penetrate both her mind and body.

I respect and admire that.

I am my wife's first and only. I asked her long ago about her missing out on others.
She asked me if I was crazy.

But I still wonder sometimes. 
I guess it's a man thing.


----------



## Sbrown

Thundarr said:


> I already said it's risky and what IT is? But I'll explain it this time. STD: Many have herpes for example or HIV and don't know it them selves. You get that from unprotected sex so you odds go up with more partners. "Patterns of ONS". A person who has participated in multiple ONS has a different view on sex than I do or it could be lack of impulse control or vulnerability when drunk or something. That's risky to assume we are compatible.
> 
> *I guess I don't have unprotected sex with random people so the HIV herpes thing is less of a risk for me. *
> 
> Your spidy sense must only work on women because you apparently read my mind got it wrong. *And I have never taken you on a date.lol* No sexual past does not come up or matter when first dating. It does not matter until deciding to be serious which took more (a lot more) time than three dates. Seven years in our case. That's when I asked.
> 
> I don't have that sixth sense to tell the future or to know what someone else thinks but does not say. Would you get married after a few dates? *Looks like your attempt to read my mind has missed by an equal margin. lol I wouldn't know them well enough to marry them within a few dates but I have yet to date someone more than a few times and not knew whether or not they are worth me dating them.* I mean you know her so 100% then why not? No it takes a few dates to know who you think they are and who you hope they are. It takes more than a year to know though. Do you know a bipolar person by their manic cycle? No.
> 
> *Does being bi-polar make them risky for sex? *
> That's fine. I personally would like to know if she or I are around anyone she's slept with. I'm not much for opposite sex friends during marriage but I'm 100% against past lover friends. So yea it makes a difference.
> 
> *I'm not much for opposite friends either but I treat them all as if they all could potentially try to fock her.*
> 
> Well then I have no idea what your saying? Do you think I tied my wife to a chair and tortured her into talking lol. No I'm glad the FBI does not use your sixth sense or I would be in trouble. *No, but I doubt she came to you and said "I slept with this many people and have done these positions." *


----------



## Thundarr

Sbrown said:


> Why would anyone over the age of 19 even ask???
> 
> Or keep count for that matter....
> 
> 
> 
> Thundarr said:
> 
> 
> 
> huh? Why would anyone not ask.
> - I'd like to know how risky it is. STDs for one. Patterns of ONS, or drunk party screws, etc.
> - Compatibility. I wouldn't want to marry a prostitute.
> - Wanting to know more about your SO. Those are part of her past too. This is just a part of knowing personal stuff.
> - If we're going to be around people she's slept with then I'd like to know who they are.
Click to expand...

Let's rewind since it seems hard to stay in context. Using diversion instead of logic somehow got this to a non related snarky rant. Stay on topic kids.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Thundarr said:


> Let's rewind since it seems hard to stay in context. Using diversion instead of logic somehow got this to a non related snarky rant. *Stay on topic kids.*


:rofl::rofl::lol:

Have a nice day guys!


----------



## Exsquid

Personally I never cared to ask my wife and she never asked me prior to marriage. Now that her number has increased by 1 since we have been married(affair) It seems to have become a relavent question. 

Personally I don't feel that knowing a "number" is important to having a sucessful marriage/relationship. My 2 cents.


----------



## Thundarr

Exsquid said:


> Personally I never cared to ask my wife and she never asked me prior to marriage. Now that her number has increased by 1 since we have been married(affair) It seems to have become a relavent question.
> 
> Personally I don't feel that knowing a "number" is important to having a sucessful marriage/relationship. My 2 cents.


To be honest I think there is a lot of room regarding the number as well. Most important are things like history of cheating on SOs, treating SO disrespectfully, and other character flaws in general. The number becomes apparent when asking about past relationships but it's not the goal so much as the dynamics of the relationships and why they ended or what wrongs happened. Could be a lot of history that's relevant to understanding peeves and personality traits.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Sbrown said:


> Sure they do but do you ask, "Well did you sleep with them?" every time they speak of a date or relationship? My wife knows i have been married twice and knows that when I was single I had a good time but to go into detail about every sexual encounter just seems like an insecurity to me.


I completely disagree on the insecurity issue. I know every guy my wife has slept with and she knows every woman I've slept with. I can tell you, IN DETAIL, some stories of her sexcapades, not out of insecurity, but because we're totally open with each other and ARE truly each others best friends. We spent one night talking about funny things that happened to us during sex (with previous partners) because...well..it's a funny conversation to have if you're speaking with someone who isn't going to judge you.

In the early part of our relationship, 2 things mattered to me about my wife's past...her number (because I knew I wouldn't match up with some who slept around) and her general attitude towards sex (cheating, sex in relationships vs. ONS, etc). Everyone has a different attitude and a different value system and a big mistake in relationships is to think that the people's attitude and values about sex doesn't affect a relationship. If you have someone who puts a HUGE premium on sex, only having with people they deeply care for, generally waiting month(s) in a relationship to have sex to make sure the person is "worth it" trying to have a long term relationship with someone who has had tons of ONS and drunk sex, who's a "free spirit"...you're going to end up with issues in a relationship. They can easily be worked through (or not easily based on the people) but it'll still be something to deal with.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Dad&Hubby said:


> I completely disagree on the insecurity issue. I know every guy my wife has slept with and she knows every woman I've slept with. I can tell you, IN DETAIL, some stories of her sexcapades, not out of insecurity, but because we're totally open with each other and ARE truly each others best friends. We spent one night talking about funny things that happened to us during sex (with previous partners) because...well..it's a funny conversation to have if you're speaking with someone who isn't going to judge you.


Love your post Dad&Hubby :smthumbup: .... even though we haven't had priors, I know that I know that I know....if we did, given our personalities & our communication style being as raw & frightfully open as one can get .....it would play out EXACTLY as you have described here in this post...

I feel the way you & your wife talk so forthcoming -just cause you want too -out of pure acceptance ....about your ex's & experiences -shared & bared it all...to the point of humor is AWESOME -AWESOME - AWESOME. What I see here is ...a couple devoid of any insecurities at all - and can laugh in the face of anything -because you know that you know that you know --YOU are the MAN - in her







& soul . 

The way it should be.


----------



## Thundarr

Dad&Hubby said:


> I completely disagree on the insecurity issue. I know every guy my wife has slept with and she knows every woman I've slept with. I can tell you, IN DETAIL, some stories of her sexcapades, not out of insecurity, but because we're totally open with each other and ARE truly each others best friends. We spent one night talking about funny things that happened to us during sex (with previous partners) because...well..it's a funny conversation to have if you're speaking with someone who isn't going to judge you.
> 
> In the early part of our relationship, 2 things mattered to me about my wife's past...her number (because I knew I wouldn't match up with some who slept around) and her general attitude towards sex (cheating, sex in relationships vs. ONS, etc). Everyone has a different attitude and a different value system and a big mistake in relationships is to think that the people's attitude and values about sex doesn't affect a relationship. If you have someone who puts a HUGE premium on sex, only having with people they deeply care for, generally waiting month(s) in a relationship to have sex to make sure the person is "worth it" trying to have a long term relationship with someone who has had tons of ONS and drunk sex, who's a "free spirit"...you're going to end up with issues in a relationship. They can easily be worked through (or not easily based on the people) but it'll still be something to deal with.


Yes.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Dad&Hubby said:


> I completely disagree on the insecurity issue. I know every guy my wife has slept with and she knows every woman I've slept with. I can tell you, IN DETAIL, some stories of her sexcapades, not out of insecurity, but because we're totally open with each other and ARE truly each others best friends. We spent one night talking about funny things that happened to us during sex (with previous partners) because...well..it's a funny conversation to have if you're speaking with someone who isn't going to judge you.
> 
> In the early part of our relationship, 2 things mattered to me about my wife's past...her number (because I knew I wouldn't match up with some who slept around) and her general attitude towards sex (cheating, sex in relationships vs. ONS, etc). Everyone has a different attitude and a different value system and a big mistake in relationships is to think that the people's attitude and values about sex doesn't affect a relationship. * If you have someone who puts a HUGE premium on sex, only having with people they deeply care for, generally waiting month(s) in a relationship to have sex to make sure the person is "worth it" trying to have a long term relationship with someone who has had tons of ONS and drunk sex, who's a "free spirit"...you're going to end up with issues in a relationship. They can easily be worked through (or not easily based on the people) but it'll still be something to deal with.*


I agree fully with your post.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

SimplyAmorous said:


> Love your post Dad&Hubby :smthumbup: .... even though we haven't had priors, I know that I know that I know....if we did, given our personalities & our communication style being as raw & frightfully open as one can get .....it would play out EXACTLY as you have described here in this post...
> 
> I feel the way you & your wife talk so forthcoming -just cause you want too -out of pure acceptance ....about your ex's & experiences -shared & bared it all...to the point of humor is AWESOME -AWESOME - AWESOME. What I see here is ...a couple devoid of any insecurities at all - and can laugh in the face of anything -because you know that you know that you know --YOU are the MAN - in her
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> & soul .
> 
> The way it should be.


I won't say there's no insecurities, we both have had some, we are normal human beings LOL. But we don't let them take over and we both realize where the insecurities come from. I just had a small battle with them a few months ago, but we worked through it. Over years, people change (you might put on weight, lose some hair, turn 40....not saying this is what happened to me ) and sometimes it can hit you, just pray that you can take ownership of it and your spouse is willing to accept you and help you through it (like mine did).


----------

