# What to expect in 40s.



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm a male in my early 40s and recently divorced. I'm not exactly ready to date again, but the thoughts of what to expect are scary. A lot of thoughts run through my mind. Do women expect the excitement that they would have gotten in their teens or twenties when dating? I'm sure i have slowed down a lot and have a little gray around the edges. I've gotten to the point that Andy Griffith on tv and a pizza are quite enjoyable. 

I also thought about something Jeff Foxworthy said in an interview at age 50. He said when he was a kid he looked at someone who was 50 as being a great wealth of knowledge, "but I'm a real idiot," he said. I don't exactly put myself in that category, but I may appear that way sometimes. I have a college degree and work in a professional capacity; however, I am a rather laid back person. I have no desire to talk about how I think the president is doing, why gas prices are so high, etc. I am, however, a very mature, level heaed person.

If I ever fell in love again, I would try to do my best to show that and learn from past mistakes. Based on past experience, I think I could physically fullfill a woman's sexual needs. I continue to have plenty of energy and creativity in that area.

Do I sound like someone that would appeal to many women, or do I need a make-over?


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

I want to see the answer too.. not sure I am ready for what is out there..


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

A single man in his 40s? The world is his oyster. 

Read that again, the world is his oyster!!!

Choose a woman your age or older, or choose a woman in her 20s! It's all good, and dating a woman half your age, perfectly legal!  

All joking aside, wrap your mind and resolve to move and act and behave from the strength and "dating value" and desirability you have. 

In attitude have this ALWAYS in the back of your mind, how LUCKY any woman in the world would be to be with you, and to be your woman. Use this attitude to exude that bit of confidence, c0ckiness, edginess that the women find irrestible in a man.

And these tings, do not do, regardless of your age:

1. Do not pretend to be someone else.

2. Do not pretend to be some young teenager. Experience, leadership, knowing your own goals, desires, and having the mettle (and resource$) to pursue what you want, that is 100 times the attractoin of some young boy.

3. A woman's butt, do NOT kiss it. 

4. Choose activities (dates, hobbies, conversation topics, etc) that orbit and revolve around YOUR interests and passions. 

Understand this basic fact, having "interests", this by definition makes you "interesting" to others! 

As well, this puts you in the "best light" to attract the opposite sex, as your frame your interests and hobbies in the way, that when she sees you engaged in these tings, you are showing your passion, that you can be 'good' at someting (dominant), and it is really showing your true masculine mettle.

Conversely, trying to talk or do tings that you have no interests in, just because you tink a woman is wanting to hear or do this or that, you can see how that will backfire, to make you appear unknowing, awkward, and very false and ultimately look untrustworthy. 

A woman, she cannot walk away from this kind of man fast enough! So do not be this man!


So you see, this "excitement" you may be mentioning a woman is wanting, understand this is emotoinal excitement, the thrill of discovery and experiencing life with a man that knows what he wants, and is of the mettle to pursue what he wants. A man that makes a woman feel secure, feel sexual, and she feels the privilege and excitement of discovering more about this man she is getting to know.

So this is not the realm of the young man only, but the realm for any men who will take the effort to put these basic pieces in place, that he recognizes and acts and behaves in the attitude that communicates to a woman the mettle he is made of, and that it is her privilege and pleasure to have the attractoin and attention of such a man!

Gentlemen, I wish you well.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Nice thing about being older, you don't have to worry about being "cool" anymore!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm surprised at 40 one can possibly underestimate himself, even my old man years ago in his 60s shocked me when he introduced to me a friend of his who was a successful and drop-dead gorgeous lady in her late 30s who looked like Jessica Alba. 

You have experience, be confident in that, and use it to your full benefit. The one mistake that my father did however is not learn from his mistakes (he likes to preach, but sometimes he doesn't listen to his own lectures, and won't listen to me either since I'll always be his kid - I've watched mum and dad split with problems on both sides, neither has changed their flaws - too old for that, both retired/retiring).

But you're only 40, still a baby! (sorry, but I coped the 'baby comments' all my life, time for revenge) So I bet you are still open to learn.

Try not to go for the dirty old man route btw, you will want a woman your equal, not someone who you have to mold into what you want. My dad learnt that at least, though I think he's content alone nowadays.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Nice thing about being older, you don't have to worry about being "cool" anymore!


Are you sure? If so, that's a relief. Cool has changed so much over the years. If I'm cool, it's probably the Burt Reynolds/Clint Eastwood type of cool, and that might be outdated in today's world.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Say what you guys want using words like "drop dead gorgeous", "half your age", "world is your oyster"!!

Except for the rare few little changes $$$$ and LOOKS matter just as much as they always did. At this age it's often more on the former and less on the latter though.

The guys I know with wives much younger than they are or very attractive......fit one of those two categories or both!

Attitude matters, confidence, and all of that jazz, but without initial attraction well you never get a chance to show any of it.


At 40 I think you are fine many great dating sites out there! Use all of them be honest, forthright, post some decent pics not just 1 from 5 years ago, and I think you will be amazed.

Co-worker is 52 has a date almost every weekend using Match, Eharmony, etc.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

southbound said:


> I'm a male in my early 40s and recently divorced. I'm not exactly ready to date again, but the thoughts of what to expect are scary. A lot of thoughts run through my mind. Do women expect the excitement that they would have gotten in their teens or twenties when dating? I'm sure i have slowed down a lot and have a little gray around the edges. I've gotten to the point that Andy Griffith on tv and a pizza are quite enjoyable.


Andy Griffith and pizza? :sleeping::scratchhead:  Well, sounds like you are more into "TV Land" then Spike TV. 

Basically what was said above me is true. You'd need to find a woman like yourself, with compatible philosophies and interests. At 40, the biggest problem is that you might have to deal with a woman like yourself (recently divorced) but with her kids as well so you'd need to determine if that's for you. If not, then your selection will be much narrower/more limited. 

My POV is from a woman in her mid 40s: I personally think that for casual fun/dating a 20 year old may be someone you can't relate to. As much as I love and relate to the 20-something mindset I wouldn't want to date a guy in his 20s or even his early 30s. There's always exceptions to every rule..I'm talking in a broad sense. 

In the end it's up to you but as you describe yourself I'm thinking that mid 30s-up would work better for you if you are truly the mellow, laid back type sort of guy you are. The best thing to do is to figure out what your interests are. What are you hobbies? Engage in activities that you like and hopefully you'll meet up with women who are likewise into what you are. You can try dating sites on the internet. That seems to be the thing nowadays but Caveat D' Emptor! What you see online isn't always what you get. Go in with your mind open but your eyes open even more!

What you might hit from a 40-ish woman is someone who is going through their "second adolescence" and is experience the freedom and desire to kick off their shoes and party it up like crazy. This seems to be rather common with us middle aged types who have been cooped up in the house for 15 years with the husband and kids and suddenly is free to go out and take on the world. You don't sound like you are looking to do the club scene or go nuts so you'd probably want to steer clear of this. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll rediscover a side of you that wants to leave TV Land and rejoin the Land of the Living, eh? 

Good luck. I'd take it slow and not rush into anything. In other words, don't get remarried again in 6 months like quite a few of my male divorced friends have done and wind up in the same situation you were in before with the first wife.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

At 40 you can have a lot of fun with all the lonely horny women out there.

You might like my blog as a starting point to learn some confidence and skill with seduction. I focus on marriage in general, but many of the blogs in my sidebar focus on dating.

Personally I have to resist the temptation to date and sleep around on my wife. Women these days are ridicuously easy to have sex with.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

And whatever you do, since you are on the more NICER side of Men, do not jump in too fast with the 1st good looking woman you meet and start making promises, feeling you found the love of your life. I have a male friend, 44, whose wife left him too- once she lost alot of weight (yeah he paid for the surgery) - result --discovered other men were interested & she was on the prowl. She divorced him. Partying it up & getting tatooes, getting drunk, she went NUTS with the freedom. (and she was a Respectable Teacher!) 

He made the mistake of jumping in TOOO fast because he was lonely & craves affection & all sorts of complications & hurt was going on with this new girlfriend. Difficult breakup, alot of hurt. 

I gave him some good advice --- date as many as you possibly can and make NO promises to any of them -cause chances are you will need to meet about 50 before you find a good match for yourself - a stable long lasting match. So now he has 3 women, he tells them all he is dating others and taking his time and they are literally "falling at his feet". "Hold on Loosely" - as the song goes.

Sounds to me like you need a Nympho (since you have been missing that for most of your marraige )- should be able to find many of these in the late 30's -early 40's --this IS the "Cougar" stage after all ! But you also need to find a "HomeBuddy" like yourself. Make sure you have the same ideas about Money (always a plus). And your personalities compliment each other. 

Discover her Love Languages & make sure you speak similar so life & Love will come easier & naturally. Have a few fights before any commitments, understand each others ways of resolving conflict, make sure it "works".

Not all women in their 40's get wild in the Partying sense. Some get wild in other ways - My wildness has strictly been in the sexual sense, I could care less about going out dancing & partying, or taking on a new cause. I just wanted more excitement in one place - The bedroom. 

Women are generally looking for Good Looks and/or $$. Your market value goes up if you have at least one of these, you will get plenty more dates. 

Men are generally looking for 3 things:

1. Good Looks
2. Being Sane 
3. Available 

That single male friend said it is very difficult to find all 3, he has met plenty with 2 , but has yet to hit the Jackpot for all 3. I think many men would want to add #4 -having a decent sex drive too! 

All kinds of women out there! 


-


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have a male friend, 44, whose wife left him too- once she lost alot of weight (yeah he paid for the surgery) - result --discovered other men were interested & she was on the prowl. She divorced him. Partying it up & getting tatooes, getting drunk, she went NUTS with the freedom. (and she was a Respectable Teacher!)


Any time a wife askes her husband for surgery to improve her looks, he's looking at a major Fitness Test. They usually take the surgery and run off with someone else.

On the bright side, he's probably better off anyway.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> And whatever you do, since you are on the more NICER side of Men, do not jump in too fast with the 1st good looking woman you meet and start making promises, feeling you found the love of your life. I have a male friend, 44, whose wife left him too- once she lost alot of weight (yeah he paid for the surgery) - result --discovered other men were interested & she was on the prowl. She divorced him. Partying it up & getting tatooes, getting drunk, she went NUTS with the freedom. (and she was a Respectable Teacher!)
> 
> He made the mistake of jumping in TOOO fast because he was lonely & craves affection & all sorts of complications & hurt was going on with this new girlfriend. Difficult breakup, alot of hurt.
> 
> ...


Good points for thought! It's odd how one's everyday personality doesn't always match their sexual personality. I am laid back in everyday life, but I would love a woman who likes it hot in the bedroom.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Atholk said:


> At 40 you can have a lot of fun with all the lonely horny women out there.
> 
> You might like my blog as a starting point to learn some confidence and skill with seduction. I focus on marriage in general, but many of the blogs in my sidebar focus on dating.
> 
> Personally I have to resist the temptation to date and sleep around on my wife. Women these days are ridicuously easy to have sex with.


By your own admission, your wife is awesome. So why again do you have to resist anything? :scratchhead:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Brennan said:


> By your own admission, your wife is awesome. So why again do you have to resist anything? :scratchhead:


Because he's a man.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Because he's a man.


YOUR definition of a man. 


OP...I hit the dating scene again in my mid-40's. I had a ball. I found MOST men to be charming and a lot of fun to be with. I wasn't looking for another r-ship, I just wanted to go out and enjoy being an adult. Don't sweat it. Just be yourself. You really don't have to work so hard at it. And good luck!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Suddenly, men aren't visually oriented?

When did this happen?

Perhaps sometime between the founding of the Playboy empire and Hooter's restaurants?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Because women are regularly flirting with him at work. 

Note he said he has to 'resist' the temptation. He did not say he was struggling to resist the temptation.



Brennan said:


> By your own admission, your wife is awesome. So why again do you have to resist anything? :scratchhead:


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Brennan said:


> By your own admission, your wife is awesome. So why again do you have to resist anything? :scratchhead:


Because the grass is always greener on the other side of course.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Some have given some positive comments, but from reading other threads too, it appears it can also be a very dangerous time. This is the age when people often have the mid-life crisis, so the women my age may be looking for new excitement which I'm not sure I have to offer.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Because the grass is always greener on the other side of course.


Hopefully you are joking. It's Astroturf my dear.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

SB...some women aren't looking for *anything*. They're just out experiencing this phase of their life. There are some who are sowing some oats that they shelved during the childrearing days. Some have been in long term marriages that have ended and aren't looking for another r-ship. Just someone to spend some time with, an evening out with, ADULT company. You just gotta get out there and be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not. Usually older women can smell that a mile away. Just go have some fun!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

major misfit said:


> SB...some women aren't looking for *anything*. They're just out experiencing this phase of their life. There are some who are sowing some oats that they shelved during the childrearing days. Some have been in long term marriages that have ended and aren't looking for another r-ship. Just someone to spend some time with, an evening out with, ADULT company. You just gotta get out there and be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not. Usually older women can smell that a mile away. Just go have some fun!



Speaking of the childrearing days, my ex is 38 and our children are ages 9 and 11; is it unusual that she may be experiencing the mid life crisis with kids this age? It's not as though she is going to be totally free to sow her oats.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

southbound said:


> Speaking of the childrearing days, my ex is 38 and our children are ages 9 and 11; is it unusual that she may be experiencing the mid life crisis with kids this age? It's not as though she is going to be totally free to sow her oats.


I wouldn't try to analyze your wife...there are too many possibles here. Maybe married life (and motherhood) aren't all she thought they were cracked up to be. Maybe she got bored and lonely. Anything is possible. I understand why you're trying to look back...but your wife is just one woman out of many. We're really not a "one size fits all" species, in spite of what someone might think. In all honesty I think if you keep trying to figure out what the heck happened, you're going to go nuts. I'd simply accept it for what it seemingly is, and go forward from here. I imagine none of this turned out the way you anticipated. But this is the hand you've been dealt. Play them well.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

southbound said:


> Speaking of the childrearing days, my ex is 38 and our children are ages 9 and 11; is it unusual that she may be experiencing the mid life crisis with kids this age? It's not as though she is going to be totally free to sow her oats.


Well, maybe she's like me and just didn't take to early child rearing and wants a break. To be honest, I hated when my kids were really young. They were adorable of course and I loved them but I felt like I had a huge ball and chain attached to me and was like a bird in locked cage. Often I thought how nice it would be to go off on my own and just be single again. Only my love for my family kept me grounded. 

This was about 10 years ago and I was undergoing my own personal mental problems/crisis. My husband stepped in and did 90% of the child rearing and allowed me to do some crazy things in my 30s and early 40s. I raced and showed my car, took extensive road trips, partied with friends on vacation, etc, etc. He kept hoping I'd "get over it". 

I eventually did and for awhile we reconciled and all was great. Then HE fell into depression, alcoholism and perhaps is going thru a mid life crisis of his own in his late 40s. Now I'm the one rearing the children, working full time while he pretty much blows everything off. Payback's a beotch but I love my teenage kids and deal with them very well. If they were younger though....it would be a lot harder. I'd like to think that I'd have what it takes to do all this with youngsters but it would be a LOT harder, that's for sure. 

I think your wife may just be someone who didn't take to early childhood mothering and had a mid life crisis as well and decided to cut loose. Maybe she'll come into her own when they are older. Hopefully she is trying to keep in touch with them and let them know she still loves and cares about them. With my husband it's mixed. My 16 year old daughter has written him off while my 13 year old son keeps hoping that the father he once loved will come back. I tend to be in the same camp. In the meantime it's me and the kids and we are doing well enough. I'm working twice as hard as before but at least I got us a nice apartment and living environment and the stress level is greatly reduced now that he isn't living with us anymore. 

I guess in the end it comes to making your kids your firs priority. Personally with kids that age I'd hold off dating and just dedicate yourself to raising them and getting yourself grounded. I tend to feel that you should wait at least a year after a divorce to start dating and put it off longer if the kids are young. Dating other people with younger children is just too messy IMO. That can wait for when the kids are older. 

I'm separated and still love my husband and want to give reconciliation a shot. I keep hoping he'll do detox/rehab and counseling and not have a relapse like he did the first time. I still consider myself married. No dating for me. He assumed I would go out and "sow my wild oats" and date and I told him that there is no way I'm doing that. Surprised the heck out of him!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Brennan said:


> Hopefully you are joking. It's Astroturf my dear.


I am aware of that. Hence my use of that metaphor.

Doesn't mean I don't feel the inner pull anyway. My sex drive is ridicuously high.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Atholk said:


> I am aware of that. Hence my use of that metaphor.
> 
> Doesn't mean I don't feel the inner pull anyway. My sex drive is ridicuously high.


How many times a day?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I guess in the end it comes to making your kids your first priority. Personally with kids that age I'd hold off dating and just dedicate yourself to raising them and getting yourself grounded. I tend to feel that you should wait at least a year after a divorce to start dating and put it off longer if the kids are young. Dating other people with younger children is just too messy IMO. That can wait for when the kids are older. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

southbound said:


> . I guess in the end it comes to making your kids your firs priority. Personally with kids that age I'd hold off dating and just dedicate yourself to raising them and getting yourself grounded. I tend to feel that you should wait at least a year after a divorce to start dating and put it off longer if the kids are young. Dating other people with younger children is just too messy IMO. That can wait for when the kids are older.!



I 100% agree with this, South. She doesn't want any secrets from her kids? **Snort** Wasn't she cheating on their father? How is that not a whopper of a secret? 
Anyways, it doesn't matter to me if the kids are younger or older, bringing some new person around them is disrespectful to THEM. If I were to divorce, I would wait at least 6 months and probably closer to a year and my sons are 17 (almost 18) and 13. Anything earlier than that would send a message to them that Dad is replaceable, which he never will be and they are old enough to understand. Younger children will be very confused and probably very scared. Is there anything legally you can do? Many states have "protection orders" if you will for the children where OW/OM cannot be around the children. Or in the case where fidelity wasn't an issue, "protection orders" where a gf/bf cannot spend the night if the children are in the house.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I'd like to tie a bunch of posts into one as a 42 year old man recently divorced and dating, albeit sparingly.

This will be random:

1. Watch it. 40 is prime target for "meat hooks" from women. Before you know it, you can have one in you. You probably have 2 pennies to rub together and the old saying is correct: No man is worth a damn until he's 40. A lot of women catch onto that somewhere around age 27ish.

2. Some midlife crisis things are good - like exercise. Just watch the weekend warrior injuries (I have a chronic achilles heel injury). You can nix the sports car and hair weave though.

3. To tie in BBW's and SA's post (2 of my favorite contributors here). . .yeah. . .SA is correct - this is a time to "Party" - you are divorced. . .you can go through a "HYPERSEXUALITY" phase if you want. . .but I also notice that BBW said, "Be yourself." 

To tie this in with the poster who is telling you about your kids. . .this is something I have noticed:

I am much more emotionally stable and happier when I am around my kids. The more time, the better for some reason that I am sure any psychobabblist could have fun with. I am really not sure why because I am kind of an independent guy now.

Women are more unforgiving with a guy with kids (for a serious relationship) than I think men are with women with kids, unless the woman has kids your age.

That being said? So the F what? Right? 

If I want to go fishing with one of my sons, and the ex- isn't opposing me on any given day, guess what? I'm going fishing.

Odds are now on OUR side baby, being a 40 year old male. Hey, it wasn't always so, right? Remember when we were 25 and everyone wanted the hot piece of tail we wanted? Well, that hot piece of tail is now 40 with some sags and wrinkles and some gray. It's either me, pretty good pair shoulders and decent chest, with 2 pennies to rub together, mature and sometimes sharply dressed (and have all my teeth and am getting handier by the day). . .or they can go on Eharmony.com and have Grandpa with a gray beard contact them for a date.

My point of my tirade? Connect to your kids and you can shelve the hypersexuality and it's really okay.

Honestly, time with my boys I am finding is sweeter than doing the alphabet down there on any woman and having her quiver in my arms afterwards.

Good luck.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well, okay, the last one is a tie.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> How many times a day?


We basically have sex everyday for probably around 30 minutes or so and I could go mornings 1-2 times a week as well if I wanted too.

It's more a craving for variety and intensity. There's no problem with what she does for me, it's just me being unable to be completely filled I think.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Atholk said:


> It's more a craving for variety and intensity. There's no problem with what she does for me, it's just me being unable to be completely filled I think.


I feel this way sometimes, maybe 1 or 2 days a month , I blame it on overactive hormones. 

For men, this is all Testosterone driven. Totally normal I think.


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## jennie70 (Jan 5, 2011)

depends on what type you are what type of woman will be interested. Money is ALWAYS important - its not just about cash - a man in hi 40's that has accumulated some means he has been at some point: responsible, intelligent, dedicated, smart confident, and willing to work. a 20 yr old slacker can be charming - 40 yr old not so much. women are ageing better than ever and nowadays often look for the same in a man. Just be confident in yourself and what you want and it will come along when ur ready )


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel this way sometimes, maybe 1 or 2 days a month , I blame it on overactive hormones.
> 
> For men, this is all Testosterone driven. Totally normal I think.


My wife is awesome indulging my various pleasures.

Of course I notice beautiful women.

But, only one does it for me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Conrad said:


> My wife is awesome indulging my various pleasures.
> 
> Of course I notice beautiful women.
> 
> But, only one does it for me.


Ha Ha, nothing better for a married man to feel THIS WAY about his wife. Those are the keepers! My husband would say & has said the exact same - many times. I know this is precisely why I don't care how many beautiful women he looks at, lap dances & all, I like him being a dirty ol' man, just speaks that he is sexually healthy. He knows he'd never find another to spoil him like I do!


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## Murdock07 (Mar 7, 2013)

Hi all, I'm recently divorced in my 40's after spending over half my life with the same woman. As a result I feel a bit low and insecure. I can't remember the last time a woman showed any interest in me but then I was never on the look out for female attention when I was married.

I started reading this thread in a vague hope that it would cheer me up and give me some reason to feel positive that I could meet someone new. I'm glad I did. SimplyAmorous post is great. It's really interesting to have a woman's point of view. BigBadWolf, you are my new Yoda. I know its not something you've written recently but I like your "the world is your oyster" post so much I've printed it off and pinned it up to remind me to be positive about my own worth. Thanks sincerely  

In case you're wondering I'm in England, I'm in good shape, I have a good job, my own house and car and an 11 year old daughter.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I spent a few years dating before I remarried, from the ages of about 38-42. (Female here)

I found that things were a lot different than when I'd last dated in my late 20s. The men I met gave themselves more credit than due, in my opinion. It's true that as a man's age goes up, so does his value in women's eyes, and that women's value decreases. My guess is that this has to do with what women do or don't bring to the table. A woman in her 40s who looks good will have more value than one who doesn't. If she doesn't look her best, but has great income, she'll be more appealing. And so on and so on. 

The men I talked with and dated often complained about women our ages they met having unrealistic expectations of a man or so much emotional baggage they didn't want to deal with, so I guess I'd say to watch out for that. Many women who are in their 40s may not bring anything more to the table than they could have offered in their 20s - a regular job and a personality, when they should also have retirement plans, savings, wisdom, and the rest.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

southbound said:


> I'm a male in my early 40s and recently divorced. I'm not exactly ready to date again, but the thoughts of what to expect are scary. A lot of thoughts run through my mind. Do women expect the excitement that they would have gotten in their teens or twenties when dating? I'm sure i have slowed down a lot and have a little gray around the edges. I've gotten to the point that Andy Griffith on tv and a pizza are quite enjoyable.
> 
> I also thought about something Jeff Foxworthy said in an interview at age 50. He said when he was a kid he looked at someone who was 50 as being a great wealth of knowledge, "but I'm a real idiot," he said. I don't exactly put myself in that category, but I may appear that way sometimes. I have a college degree and work in a professional capacity; however, I am a rather laid back person. I have no desire to talk about how I think the president is doing, why gas prices are so high, etc. I am, however, a very mature, level heaed person.
> 
> ...


You're into feet and that is appealing...........to some!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

southbound said:


> Are you sure? If so, that's a relief. Cool has changed so much over the years. If I'm cool, it's probably the Burt Reynolds/Clint Eastwood type of cool, and that might be outdated in today's world.


Not for women that are in your age group! :nono:


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

Honesty and being true to yourself are very attractive qualities. I think you should copy the post you made here and put it on a dating website word for word. You sounds like a sincere, down-to-earth guy.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

A very strong vote against the so-called seduction literature which is a bunch of misogynistic bunk that might work on women of low self-esteem but makes you an a$$hole more than anything else. They take a small grain of truth (e.g. don't be a doormat) and turn that into malicious crap-o-la (e.g. "neg theory" - insult women to attract them)

Just be yourself and think carefully about what it is you want in a woman now that you have so much life experience. It's pretty easy to out-compete the youngsters because they have not learned how to treat a woman yet. They tend to get hot under the collar and frustrated instead of showing understanding and empathy. Plus you know how to handle just about any situation and women really like that.

I don't know what to say about men who date women half their age. I guess they aren't trying hard enough. Mine will be half my age in six more years.


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## Jerseydevil (Mar 8, 2013)

Hate to be cynical but from what I have seen through friends (because I'm married) is that the more money you have the less looks matter. The less money you have, the more looks matter. Take an honest look at your self and determine where you fit in and set your expectations and your goals from there. Regardless, I would recommend joining a gym and start working out if you don't already. It's not only good for your health but it will also help with your confidence. You can still look good in your 40's. good luck.


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## mdill (Jan 18, 2012)

southbound said:


> Speaking of the childrearing days, my ex is 38 and our children are ages 9 and 11; is it unusual that she may be experiencing the mid life crisis with kids this age? It's not as though she is going to be totally free to sow her oats.


For what it is worth, my ex was 39 with two kids (9 &11) with a great job when she just lost it. She never had a complaint and we never had an argument in the 20 years we were together. One day she told me she wanted a divorce. No interest in counseling. The next week she quit her job. When I expressed concern for the impact of divorce on the kids, she said they would adapt and was not concerned. I was stunned by the lack of concern. Kids to this day can't figure out why she blew up the "family". She never said why she wanted a divorce or why she quit. I had to develop my own theory. I think it was her version of a "mid-life crisis". Sadly, it happens often to those in there 30's and 40"s. So you are not alone. I was 43 when I was suddenly single. Once I was open to dating, I was pleasantly surprised by the quantity and quality of the response. Take your time and enjoy being single and take care of your kids. Divorce at your kids age can be tramatizing. They will need your focused love and support.


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