# vent



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

Hi, I am 3 days out from finding out my wife had an affair 5 years ago. She left her facebook open and I saw old messages between her and the guy...we have a 6 and 4yr old sons...I don't know the exact dates of this 4month affair but the timing would mean she would've been doing this with a newborn at home or while pregnant...the idea that she would do this and then come home and breastfeed our son honestly makes me want to vomit..Im numb and don't know where to go or what to do..I love my boys and don't want to only see them weekends...but when I look at my wife I get ill...things have been great between us over the last 3 years and that makes it even more difficult. I feel like I want to sit her on the couch and call her every nasty name I can think of...my life will never be the same.


----------



## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

you might want to DNA test the kids.
even if you are sure they are yours it shows your WW that that you don't trust anything at this point


----------



## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Don't confront her just yet. You accidently found this evidence. There's a good chance there's more wayward behavior. Quietly look at cell phone records, texts, emails, etc. Play dumb for a little while until you can put together the entire picture.

Once you've accumulated more evidence, come here for more advice on how to proceed. The experts here have been where you are, in this club nobody wants to be in.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Sorry that you've been eaten by the beast of the self-centered, as most of us have.

I'm guessing you'll hear some of the standard BS of how YOU didn't pay her enough attention, "it had nothing to do with you", "didn't want to hurt you", etc.

Remind her that you are not the only one with responsibilities toward the marriage. She has them, too, and has failed. Intentionally.


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

I have confronted her. Shortly after finding the messages I told her that I knew..she left the house for a short time and I moved into my home office..we haven't spoken since....I sent out for DNA confirm on my oldest son as he looks just like her and not much like me...the younger boy is my twin. Before she left she said "That was a tough time in our marriage and I needed someone"..but I know that people will create a crisis to justify an affair they wish to have...so I think back to those times and wonder if the problems we were having were created to help her cope with the guilt to justify her actions...Ive slept for a total of 3 hours since finding out and Im not quite sure what my next move is...part of me focuses on the good times we have shared and the boys..this makes me want to try to work towards some type of recovery...but then an hour later Im convinced she is the worlds worst person...I just doubt I will ever have any trust in her at all...if she said today is Wednesday I would need to triple chck my calendar at this point....I don't believe anything that would come out of her mouth.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Do you know who the other guy is?
Is he married?
Please go get one more DNA kit and test the youngest.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Too bad you tipped your hand so early on. Now she's got her guard up.
That being said, it's still not too late to do more research on her past activities. It may all be out in the open now, but more likely than not you've just glimpsed the tip of the iceberg.


----------



## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

Just to let you know, every emotion you are describing here is completely normal under these circumstances. That's just the way it is. Your mind will be all over the place and since you haven't slept, this will add all kinds of disjointed ways of thinking. 

I know it's tough but try to eat, go for a walk, talk to people...this period of time is going to take its toll on you. We at TAM know...it's like an unexpected death in the family..maybe even worse!


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I have confronted her. Shortly after finding the messages I told her that I knew..she left the house for a short time and I moved into my home office..we haven't spoken since....I sent out for DNA confirm on my oldest son as he looks just like her and not much like me...the younger boy is my twin. Before she left she said "That was a tough time in our marriage and I needed someone"..but I know that people will create a crisis to justify an affair they wish to have...so I think back to those times and wonder if the problems we were having were created to help her cope with the guilt to justify her actions...Ive slept for a total of 3 hours since finding out and Im not quite sure what my next move is...part of me focuses on the good times we have shared and the boys..this makes me want to try to work towards some type of recovery...but then an hour later Im convinced she is the worlds worst person...I just doubt I will ever have any trust in her at all...if she said today is Wednesday I would need to triple chck my calendar at this point....I don't believe anything that would come out of her mouth.


You cannot have a succesful marriage without trust. If you decide to R it will take a long time to trust her again. Im sorry for your sitch. Hang in there. There are a lot of people here that have been thru what you ard going thru now. Listen to them they know what they are talking about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

syhoybenden said:


> Too bad you tipped your hand so early on. Now she's got her guard up.
> That being said, it's still not too late to do more research on her past activities. It may all be out in the open now, but more likely than not you've just glimpsed the tip of the iceberg.


:iagree: Yeah, I've gotta think there's way more that you don't know. Since you hate the thought of breaking the family apart, because of your kids, I suppose reconciliation is possible down the road. That's why it's so important to find out more information. At this point we know your wife is bad, but just how bad? Dig for more info. 

And don't let her blame you for any rough spots in the marriage. Your responsibility towards the state of your marriage is 50 percent. The cheating is 100 percent on her.


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

I would definitely DNA test.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

I don't personally know the guy...I saw from the messages who he is and this loser is also married with 4 young girls..I needed to blow off some steam so I sent a message to his wife informing her of what I found out..Im not sure if she already knew or not...but I want to wreck his world. Is it smartest to move out? I want to see my boys but this is super awkward. Her last words to me were the usual type...Im commited to this family and am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work...she deleted him as a friend on fbook..but that isn't counting for anything to me....I don't have the energy or desire to track this women


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

The toughest part Im having is the timing...isn't this unusual?..a newborn at home and another on the way?..im disgusted. If we didn't have kids I would just walk...but I cant with my boys. Now I need to stick around and let her pretend to be a role model for them when I need to look away from her so I don't throw up


----------



## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Good move on informing the POS other man's wife. She deserves to know.


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Stay in the home at all cost. If you go out make sure everyone knows that you are and when you will be back. No2. Don't say anything to her and 180. No3. Go file fore divorce and have her served ASAP. If she works have her served there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

Thanks..Im new to this..can you explain why I need to stay in the house and why people need to know where I am?. Thank you very much


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

So that she can't say that you abandoned the marital home to put you want to bad footing come custody and divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

I too am trying to find evidence of my wife's affair. I am sure she is having one, I just haven't been able to prove it yet.

Do not leave the house. And there is no reason you have to be a weekend dad. You can get 50/50 custody.


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Hit hard,hit fast, hit often. If you clam up completely no mention of any of your plans what you know and you have her served you will see where her heart really lies. She might even break down and spill more information about what she's done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> I have confronted her. Shortly after finding the messages I told her that I knew..she left the house for a short time and I moved into my home office..


 If it were me, I'd be sleeping in the bedroom and she would be taking the couch. Why should you have to bs put out because of her bad decisions. 

If you feel you tipped your hand too early, then set up a polygraph test. Let her know that your taking her for the test and if she balks at the idea, then you inform her that she better find another place to live because she has more to hide.

Your not going to lose your boys. I have no doubt that she will try to use them to soft soap you and you can't allow her to do it. A good parent is there for their children even if their not under the same roof. A lot of parents had to go that route including me so don't fall for it.

Set up the poly test and get her there ASAP and for good measure, consult a lawyer and get some legal advice for your protection.


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

Am I being stupid to think that this could be a one time fup?...once they cheat they are always a cheater? do I file before not knowing?..just want to make sure I don't make a mistake


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

jeremyrob said:


> Am I being stupid to think that this could be a one time fup?...once they cheat they are always a cheater? do I file before not knowing?..just want to make sure I don't make a mistake


Filing doesn't mean D. You can withdraw too. 

It's her justification part that is suspicious. There might be more, a lot more. Sorry, but the kids may not be yours bro.


----------



## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

A one night stand is a one time f up. Having an affair that goes on for for five months is not file have her served and make her do the crawling and the heavy lifting. If she doesn't then full speed ahead until you were rid of her and find you someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think, first, that it would be naive to think that this was just a single aberration. Her pattern/behavior suggests that there is likely more.

Second, the disgust you feel puts you in a particular camp in terms of your own reaction and behavior. Many people come here desperate to save the marriage and very quick to forgive and sweep the cheating under the rug.

You, however, express an immediate and palpable disgust of your WW. This puts you in a different camp in terms of the effects of her betrayal on the future chances of your marriage.

I would definitely start a 180:

The Healing Heart: The 180

You should work to get to the truth. You should definitely not leave the house. You should consult with an attorney about D immediately.

Are you sure she is no longer in touch with him? You contacted the OMW. Did your WW find out about this without you telling her?


----------



## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

I am very sorry for what you are going through. Even if you don't want to divorce her, you should speak to an attorney. You need to fully understand your rights, and the legal ramifications of her cheating. In which state/country you live will have an enormous impact. Once you know your rights, then you can begin to make some decisions. The DNA tests will obviously be important for you. I hope that both boys are yours. 

Like Weightlifter said, I think you should file for divorce. Divorce takes time. You can stop it at any time if you want, but it will speak volumes to your wife. It will show your wife how serious this is and will be an immediate consequence. A remorseful wife will want to do anything to save the marriage. Filing for divorce will act as a gut punch to an entitled wife, and perhaps wake them up to what they are losing. If they show little remorse and/or want to blame you for the affair, then you now know that you are doing the right thing.


----------



## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

Did you really expose successfully? If you told your wife first, she would likely tell the OM what you are trying to do. Then the OM would block it (delete email, etc).

You need to verify that she knows and that you gave her real proof. Otherwise the OM will just tell his wife that there is some nut job out there.

Best is always a conversation to confrim. He could even get into her email and reply on her behalf. Good luck and exposing is just one of the necessary steps to deal with this.


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

Essentially the last words we spoke to each other were "I want to do anything and everything to make this right but if you need a divorce I will make it smooth and easy for you as I know that I am the one that brought these problems on us"...am I silly to think she would stick to that?...if I lawyer up I am worried it will get ugly over the kids and finances...but if I don't it could be worse?


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I haven't ever seen a divorce where one party promises to make it easy and then follow through with it.

Once she gets a lawyer, that will all change. I guarantee it.


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

I sent the message to the guys wife about 30mins after confronting my wife...I believe that she saw it but she never responded so I guess I am not sure...then I sent a message to the loser telling him to not contact my wife or I will ruin everything in his life....he wrote back the following day saying that he will not contact my wife and that he is having trouble now in his marriage because of my note and that he hopes we can both save our marriages


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> Essentially the last words we spoke to each other were "I want to do anything and everything to make this right but if you need a divorce I will make it smooth and easy for you as I know that I am the one that brought these problems on us"...am I silly to think she would stick to that?...if I lawyer up I am worried it will get ugly over the kids and finances...but if I don't it could be worse?



sorry you are here. 
i'm a little concerned that she's saying D would be smooth and easy for you. D should really be the last thing on her mind if she's sincerely ready to fight for your marriage.



jeremyrob said:


> I sent the message to the guys wife about 30mins after confronting my wife...I believe that she saw it but she never responded so I guess I am not sure...then I sent a message to the loser telling him to not contact my wife or I will ruin everything in his life....he wrote back the following day saying that he will not contact my wife and that he is having trouble now in his marriage because of my note and that *he hopes we can both save our marriages*


gag.
maybe he should have thought about that before betraying his family by carrying on an PA.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

jeremyrob said:


> Am I being stupid to think that this could be a one time fup?...once they cheat they are always a cheater? do I file before not knowing?..just want to make sure I don't make a mistake


Maybe it was a one time thing; but it would be unwise to assume that, because you now know what she's capable of.

Good advice to contact an attorney whether you eventually D or not. Wait for the DNA test and continue to implement the 180 until you make a decision. There's no hurry. You need time to put your thoughts together. 

DNA test the other child as well. That's a must.

If you decide you want to attempt R, check back for more advice. There's a lot of things she will need to do, a lot of remorse she needs to demonstrate.


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> Things have been great between us over the last 3 years and that makes it even more difficult.


This will make it more difficult* if she has been faithful *those 3 years. You might have divorced her if you found out when it was happening and now she has built up a good record. 

Imagine how one of our posters (Forest) feels after he found out his wife cheated 25 years ago. She built up a 25 year good record. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/179898-will-i-forever-think-her-my-wife-cheated.html



jeremyrob said:


> Im commited to this family and am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work...


Not "I’m committed to YOU?" Did she give the OM up and stay with you for the kids?



jeremyrob said:


> I am 3 days out from finding out my wife had an affair 5 years ago. She left her facebook open and I saw old messages between her and the guy… She deleted him as a friend on fbook (when I confronted).


So they have just been having friendly discussions (i.e. no EA) for the last 5 years? Why did the PA end? 

You need to file for divorce now even if you intend to stay with her. Divorce takes a long time and you can always suspend or end the proceedings.

She needs to be shocked into how bad what she did was. If the only repercussion is you sleeping in your office then what she did wasn’t so bad. It’s like breaking the law and getting a “slap on the wrist.” That would indicate the judge doesn’t think what you did was that bad.


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My guess is (and hopefully I'm wrong) your wife is agreeable to a "nice" divorce so you won't dig any deeper and find more secrets. 

I think for the sake of your children, you need to find out all you can about your wife's past and present behavior. 

Chill for a bit and get yourself feeling better. EAT, even if it's just a yogurt or a banana. See your Dr. If you need temporary medication for sleep or anxiety. 

Get tested for STD's. I know that's horrible but when I told MY dr., she completely understood.

Once you can sleep, you can think more clearly. There is no hurry to do anything. Just wait so long as to fall back into life's normal routine and rug-sweep your wife's actions. This will make things WAY worse down the road. 

How long have you been married?

Does your wife have any history of cheating in her past relationships?

Does your/her families know about her affair? Friends? 

Good luck and keep us posted when you are up for it. 

Sorry, we are all here for the same reason.


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

Is there a better way of finding the right lawyer than looking in the yellow pages? Any suggestions for northern NH?


----------



## jeremyrob (Apr 16, 2014)

We have been married for 12 years...this affair happened 7 years in. I don't think she has a history of this in past relationships but I could be wrong....Im feeling pretty nieve and dumb at the moment. I just wasn't looking out for anything. No other family members know other than my mother...ive needed her to talk to over the last couple days


----------



## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

This is a sticky situation. While pregnant? Just nasty. There is nothing in the world that would make me believe she is sorry. Nope. The affair was longer. Flat out she needs to cough it all up. If you R she will be moving mountains, The Eiger to start. This whole thing makes me just as sick as you and I'm nowhere close to your problems. I guess I'm still a good guy with morals. Keep coming here man, this will help your day to day crap and raw emotions that go crazy. Good luck.


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> Im feeling pretty nieve and dumb at the moment. I just wasn't looking out for anything.


You are very normal. Most men put their wife and especially the mother of their children on a pedestal. Other women might cheat, but not their wife. How you are reacting since D-day is also very normal.


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

So sorry Jeremy. I'm repeating what others have said but here is what I see as a checklist in order of importance. 

1. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME.

2. Get a few free consults with lawyers and check out divorce forums on the net. Good lawyers and what to look for are often mentioned by posters. 

3. Check out what custody is likely to be and get your financials in order so that you know what's ahead if you divorce.

4. Don't say anything to her about what you are doing. Go dark on that front, completely dark. *That is your power in the situation.
*
5. You must try and find out if there were others. I agree it sucks that your boys were mere babies. Where did she get the time??? She's a good liar. She was secretly talking to OM and you thought the marriage was really good. So yes there may have been others.

6. More than anything else you will want the truth like you have never wanted it about anything before. It's snoop time. You would be amazed at what you can find out. Does she have an iPhone? Check out the evidence gathering thread:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/50563-anyone-interested-evidence-gathering-thread.html
Weightlifter will be along any minute with some great information such as VARs (voice activated recorder) etc. 

In short, stay in your home, get your legal/finanacial ducks lined up, snoop and go dark. There's mega advice on here so keep posting.

And yes your reaction is normal. Been there, done that. I never before experienced the raw anger I felt on D-day.


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

jeremyrob said:


> We have been married for 12 years...this affair happened 7 years in. I don't think she has a history of this in past relationships but I could be wrong....Im feeling pretty nieve and dumb at the moment. I just wasn't looking out for anything. No other family members know other than my mother...ive needed her to talk to over the last couple days


Jeremy, 

We know it's a shock. My husband was cheating for at least 8 years of our 20 year marriage and I had no idea. My husband was a 9-5er and home every night. 

It's crazy finding out you're married to someone who has done this to you. You have to realize, there may be more and you may never find out the whole truth. These threads move fast with advice and other peoples experiences but don't get overwhelmed. This is new to you, traumatic, and life-altering. 

In your case, the cat is out of the bag and she knows you know. 

You gave to decide if you can or want to be married to her. A lawyer is a good start but you should still find out if your wife has more secrets. If your wife has had several affairs your whole marriage (hopefully not) you may not want your young children exposed to her behavior.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jeremy

You are getting good advice from everyone.

The key is not too rush to any decision but to take immediate actions to protect yourself and the families assets.

Speak to a lawyer.
Understand what Divorce will mean for you, your family and your finances.

Separate your finances now. Officially. This will prevent either of you from creating new debt or spending shared monies at this critical time.

Get the truth from your wife. No problems in your marriage make any spouse go out and cheat. 

That was a conscious decision on her part. She needs to own that decision.

I am pro reconciliation but it takes two willing partners to work through these issues.

You need to be willing to work to repair the marriage.
Ad your wife needs to be willing not only to work on the marriage but dig deep to understand why she thought infidelity would solve her issues.....

Confirm the OMW truly knows what happened. OM is a liar and a cheater so confirm.

Keep posting.

HM


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"Now I need to stick around and let her pretend to be a role model for them when I need to look away from her so I don't throw up"

No...you don't need to to this.

You can be a role model to them by swiftly filing for D from your WW.

This would show them that a person does not have to accept such crappy behavior from their spouse, and that betrayal like your WW's has real consequences.

If you choose to R, then do it because you want to save your relationship with your WW...not because you HAVE TO for your kids.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Rottdad42 said:


> This is a sticky situation. While pregnant? Just nasty. T*:iagree:* If you R she will be moving mountains, The Eiger to start. This whole thing makes me just as sick as you and I'm nowhere close to your problems. I guess I'm still a good guy with morals. Keep coming here man, this will help your day to day crap and raw emotions that go crazy. Good luck.


:iagree:

This affair lasted much longer and probably started at an earlier time than you think. 

Why did she save those messages? Have you asked her that? If the affair meant nothing to her, and she wanted to hide it, and put it behind her, why did she save them? 

Also, her remark that she would give you a smooth divorce is unsettling to me. That is not the behavior of a penitent WS begging you not to end the marriage. It sounds to me more like a spouse who checked out long ago and has basically been playing house for the last three years or more and could really care less. 

It doesn't sound to me like she is that emotionally invested in you. 

Did she cry, was there any emotional outbursts at all? Anything? 

You need to dig and dig and get to the whole truth. My guess is you have only seen the tip of the iceberg.


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Rugs said:


> My guess is (and hopefully I'm wrong) your wife is agreeable to a "nice" divorce so you won't dig any deeper and find more secrets.
> .


:iagree:


----------



## DoktorFun (Feb 25, 2014)

File for D and You can scarry her with polygraph (or really get one).

Stay strong.


----------



## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

Man it sucks to be here. This is the only A you know about. The sh*t you don't find out about? She will take that to the grave. 100%. Why? Because hse has no respect for you now. Are you willing to live with this scumbag the rest of your life? Bridges are burned and they will never be repaired. You may (MAY) find another path around but there is little hope. Goodluck dude.


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

jeremyrob said:


> Is there a better way of finding the right lawyer than looking in the yellow pages? Any suggestions for northern NH?


Find the Best Divorce Lawyer in New Hampshire - Avvo.com
Find New Hampshire Divorce Attorneys or Local Law Firms - Lawyers.com
New Hampshire Divorce Lawyers: NH Lawyer, Attorney, Attorneys, Law Firms


----------



## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

I'm sorry, but I'm stuck on "WHILE PREGNANT." This is the ultimate betrayal. I and a few others here have vivid imaginations when I hear this I can just picture this twisted persons seed inside her, get the picture. For the life of me this can never, ever be wiped away. Not ever. Now is the time for you to take a hard look inside your soul or what left and figure your next moves in the coming months. Start with "D" papers. That her snap her out of the fog. The BS about a smooth D is horses***. Prepare for the worst showdown ever. Follow what Bandit and a few others are saying. Please listen to us, we have been where you are at. This is deeper than you know and uglier than you can imagine, maybe. Good luck.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

jeremyrob said:


> Hi, I am 3 days out from finding out my wife had an affair 5 years ago. She left her facebook open and I saw old messages between her and the guy...*we have a 6 and 4yr old sons*...I don't know the exact dates of this 4month affair but the timing would mean she would've been doing this with a newborn at home or while pregnant...*the idea that she would do this and then come home and breastfeed our son honestly makes me want to vomit..*Im numb and don't know where to go or what to do..I love my boys and don't want to only see them weekends...but when I look at my wife I get ill...things have been great between us over the last 3 years and that makes it even more difficult. I feel like I want to sit her on the couch and call her every nasty name I can think of...my life will never be the same.


How did your wife have a breast fed baby at home, get pregnant and then continue to breast feed the older child???


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> How did your wife have a breast fed baby at home, get pregnant and then continue to breast feed the older child???



why wouldn't she be able to?
pregnancy can occur once a woman's cycles resume and that can certainly happen while bfing.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Maybe plan9 is confused about this:

Can I conceive while breastfeeding? - BabyCentre


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Well, I thought it was highly improbable. Learn something new everyday. Sorry for thread jack.


----------



## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> I haven't ever seen a divorce where one party promises to make it easy and then follow through with it.
> 
> Once she gets a lawyer, that will all change. I guarantee it.


Mine was. A 16-year marriage, 3 kids, a house, a pension, retirement accounts, and everything else that accumulates during a long marriage.

My cost? $750

I kept everything except for a portion of my pension payable whenever I decide to retire. If I never do she gets nothing.


----------



## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Your life may never be the same but it can be better. I work for a Marriage & Family Ministry and have seen first hand marriages healed from an affair. What you are feeling right now is normal. Have you contacted a counselor, Pastor, or trusted friend yet? Having the support of someone who cares about you and your family would be very beneficial. Do yourself a favor and think about your words before you speak them. Although the pain you are feeling is very deep, it appears from what you have written that your wife has been faithful over the past three years. Things can turn around. I can provide other options if you send me a private message. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

He doesn't know if she was faithful for three years. Like many of us, you start creating scenarios to make your spouse look better when you find out about an affair.

Get back in YOUR home.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> Maybe plan9 is confused about this:
> 
> Can I conceive while breastfeeding? - BabyCentre


Very unlikely to get pregnant while breastfeeding!

Put the baby down and it's game on!!


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

1. Talk to a lawyer and find out what your options are. You do not need to do anything hasty. Things are very heated right now. Educate yourself on divorce.

2. You have time to decide on R or D.

3. Watch your anger.

4. Stay in the house.

5. Get tested for STD's

6. Start working out.


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Idyit said:


> Very unlikely to get pregnant while breastfeeding!
> 
> 
> 
> Put the baby down and it's game on!!



it happens all the time. happened to me and lots of others i know and met while studying to be midwife. 

sure it's not common if a mother is exclusively bfing a newborn but after a baby is 6 months old and solids are introduced AND cycles have resumed, bfing will not prevent a pregnancy. 

sorry to highjack, but misinformation like this needs to be corrected.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Idyit said:


> Very unlikely to get pregnant while breastfeeding!
> 
> Put the baby down and it's game on!!


That kind of thinking -an old wive's tail- got a couple we know pregnant very soon after the birth of their first child.:smthumbup:


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You can go for a fault divorce

What are fault grounds? : New Hampshire Family Law Blog


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Any luck finding a lawyer Jeremy?


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

As far as breastfeeding being a valid contraception... Depends on the woman... I breastfeed my youngest for 18 months with no menstruation. The moment he weened I was cycling two weeks later.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

cool12 said:


> it happens all the time. happened to me and lots of others i know and met while studying to be midwife.
> 
> sure it's not common if a mother is exclusively bfing a newborn but after a baby is 6 months old and solids are introduced AND cycles have resumed, bfing will not prevent a pregnancy.
> 
> sorry to highjack, but misinformation like this needs to be corrected.


Sorry. Was intended as humor that WHILE breastfeeding it's unlikely. My nearly Irish twins (14 months apart) are excellent proof that breastfeeding is NOT contraception.

~ Peace


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

This is beyond nasty:
1. At the time she is pregnant
2. At the time she is breastfeeding your child (?)
3. At the time she is having a sex behind your back putting your health at risk for STD's.
4. At the time there has to be times that you had sex with her after she had sex with him.

Really there is nothing more to say. Her humiliation and disrespect for you and your marriage is beyond repair.

IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Idyit said:


> Sorry. Was intended as humor that WHILE breastfeeding it's unlikely. My nearly Irish twins (14 months apart) are excellent proof that breastfeeding is NOT contraception.
> 
> 
> 
> ~ Peace



glad you still have your sense of humor with kids so close in age!


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

cool12 said:


> glad you still have your sense of humor with kids so close in age!


Teens now - :smthumbup:

"If we weren't all crazy we would be insane" - Jimmy Buffett


----------

