# Vent: Hurt



## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

For the last 2 days I have been thinking why am I still with my hubby? What is crazy is that he has been super sweet and I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. He is open about his facebook account to the point he will ask me if he can talk to some people and what he wants to ask them. I can check on any of his accounts no problrm and I have nothing there that I can tell. But the sweeter he is the madder I get and want to leave Right now our marriage is better than it has ever been and I should been glad but am not. He thinks that am all happy and over his EA but am not everyday I think about it and have a good cry. Will this feeling ever go away?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

I doubt that the feelings of hurt and anger due to being betrayed will ever completely go away, but they will gradually become more dim in time. You will likely have trust issues for years, or even forever.

My marriage will definately never be the same as it was before my husband's affair. After being with him for twenty-one years, I thought I knew him well, and I never would have dreamed I would ever have felt toward him the way I do now.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

My wife's affair is 2 months old and I am still hurt about it every day. It has gotten better and I expect it to continue to get better but I suspect I will never truly get over it...


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

I am a year and I still have a good cry. I have certain things I'm better with and others I haven't gotten over yet. I can say that it's better then it was a year ago. But I'm not at that level to forgive yet. He hasn't ask me yet because he knows what the answer will be. In time I hope I can get to that point. In the mean time he is a open book. Holds me when I have my break downs and answers all my questions. I can say he is trying to be the best husband he can be to make our marriage work. We are in it for the long haul. I hope you can find some peace in the little things he is doing to make it right. Talk it out with him don't bottle it up it only makes it worse.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

I'm totally over it. I even told her she could invite the OM's brother, Ken, to our house warming party last month. She had been fiends with him since they were three, but after she cheated on me with his brother I told her not to talk to him either. She invited Ken but he never showed, or made any atempt to call her back, so it ended up being a total non-issue.

I got done pretty raw by the whole deal, but the whole ordeal was only about 5 months of a now almost 6 year relationship, and we are so much closer now than we were before. When I was hurt and wanted to leave for a few weeks after I let her know, and she woud cry and tell me she was soo afraid of me leaving, but we just kept talking to each other about it. Eventually I was done with wallowing in it and I gave her my final version of who wanted what, what I still couldn't believe, and how it made me feel and what it made me want to do, and then I let it go. 

I dont bring it up any more, if she says something I could tangent into it I dont, when she talks about other guy's I never referance it. It was undoubtably the worst thing my wife has ever done to me, but in retrospect, it didn't affect my life nearly as much as some of my own stupid decisions, and honestly if I had been in her position I may have done much worse, so I have no high horse. Something good came of it for me, I proved to myself that I could forgive, and it makes it easier for me to forgive myself some of my own faults. It helped my relationship because my wife and I now know I will never hit her, I would leave her first. We have real trust that we can be honest and forgiving of each other. 

Just yesterday my sister was back in town from California and she stayed the night at our house. She invited one of her old friends over that I had always liked, and who's name was at the top of my "I still want to do" list when my wife and I discussed an open relationship. I paid my wife extra attention and made sure to sit close and hold her hand and by the end of the night my sister and her friend mentioned how we were still so lovey and they wished they got treated that way by their men. It made both my wife and I feel real good about each other. It made my wife feel good to know I would not get flirty even when I was drinking and talking with someone I was attracted to. I love our relationship now, we are both very happy, and if it took all that to get us here I think it was worth it.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Nice post, Gomez. 

I feel much the way you do, and really I think it boiled down to 2 things for me...Giving myself time to deal with my emotions and really doing an assessment of where we were, my ownership of where we were & feeling blessed that we both were on the same page with wanting to be together and have a marriage we both feel good about.


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