# Rushed Separation after 11 years...



## lvdad (Jul 13, 2010)

I'm going through a very rough time right now. I don't want to get into too much detail just yet, but basically, I'm a married father of two, my wife and I have been together for the last 11 years, married for more than half that time. She just recently approached me and said she wanted a divorce. Not more than 10 days later she already had a new place and was starting to move things out. While she and I agreed it was best to raise the children together (co-parenting), I think this is too fast and too abrupt for our children (5 1/2 and 12). Obviously there's a lot more to the story, which I would be happy to divuldge quite soon - at the moment, I cannot. 

I have been and always will be a father to my son and to my daughter, who my wife had before we met. I have been raising her as my own since she was almost 2. I have never been away from my son (at least at night for bedtime) since he was born. This is really tearing me up inside, and I need some advice as to how I should deal with it. We're going to be 'splitting' time with the kids fairly, I get them 3 days and she gets them 3 days, with alternating days every other week for the odd day. 

I don't want this at all. Our relationship hasn't been the best lately, we don't communicate very well, we don't see each other very much (I'm usually home with kids in the evening and she's at work). But I don't think this is the right way to handle this. She wouldn't try marriage counseling (I tried twice, once I had actually signed us up for meetings, but she wouldn't do it). It's just that as fast as this is all moving, I'm not really finding any time to deal and cope with her leaving. I don't want to be without my kids for any period of time - I can, however, stand a break from her for a short while. It might do us some good - but all this divorce talk and how quick she's moving things along is really just too much. I'm 32, and have a long road ahead; this path I'm on is one of many, but not the one I wanted or had hoped for.

Not sure what to do!

-LvDad


----------



## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

The abruptness of it all is a tough situation to deal with, if you two have already MUTUALLY agreed this is best and you already have planned how you split time with the kids, then it should be a little easier, what you feel now is that you will be getting out of your 'comfort zone', and honestly for me, it took awhile to get used to my separation, since, I didn't want it nor did I want to be separated from my kids, the kid angle was and still is the toughest thing,but if she's a good mom then trust it will be alright...If she is the only one who wanted out, it will be tougher, but time will allow you to become 'comfortable' with it, did she get a place behind your back before letting you know she wanted out?, that's what happened to me, since it's already decided how it's going to be, take time for yourself to absorb it all, trust that you need the time alone, she obviously prepared herself way before you did, now you can reflect on what your role was/is as to reasons for the pending divorce, if it was your actions, realize it and work on yourself, if it was her acions, well you still need to focus on yourself since you can't change her...good luck, and really be honest why it is happening.


----------



## lvdad (Jul 13, 2010)

It's quite difficult. I don't know about the place she's going to. She claims it 'fell in her lap and it's affordable for her' so she took it. But the sneakiness about it is what throws me. At first she wouldn't tell me where the place was, then was being very generalized about where it was, then finally gave me a street name (no cross-street, mind you). Yesterday when I got home, she had cleared out of her stuff from the closet in our bedroom, didn't tell me until I got home. She did apologize for not telling me about the closet, but then said in two days she's moving the rest of the stuff out.


----------

