# Healing slowly...



## SBS (10 mo ago)

Today wasn't the best day.. Somedays I can make it without thinking about my ex husband's mistreatment. Today was not that day. I find myself constantly reliving some of the most hurtful things he's said or done. Recently he called my aunt telling her that the divorce wasn't all his fault. He then proceeded to tell her that we argued all the time. Never telling her that we were arguing about him staying out all times of night. Or that he lied repeatedly about his whereabouts. He's done these mini smear campaigns on and off for a while now. He told her that just because he had an affair that produced a child didn't mean he was a bad guy. The audacity and stupidity is astounding!!! Needless to say I went in and personally blocked his number on her phone. His manipulation knows no bounds. I'm healing at a snails pace. I've had some small breakthroughs. However, I'm so damn angry sometimes! He destroyed the life we built together, lied about everything and then attempts to play the victim?!! I feel like a fool for ever trusting him. I'm angry with myself for ignoring the red flags because I wanted the marriage to work. I wish I could just move on and get over it already... This pain and frustration gets overwhelming at times.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Betrayal on that scale isn’t quickly overcome. My situation wasn’t nearly that bad and it still took a long time before I could think of my exH with no feelings whatsoever. You’ll get there. In the meantime, be patient with yourself. We all feel like fools when we get played but it’s what we do after that really matters. I wish you the best.


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## SBS (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Betrayal on that scale isn’t quickly overcome. My situation wasn’t nearly that bad and it still took a long time before I could think of my exH with no feelings whatsoever. You’ll get there. In the meantime, be patient with yourself. We all feel like fools when we get played but it’s what we do after that really matters. I wish you the best.


I try to show myself grace. Sometimes I'm all over the place emotionally.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

SBS said:


> Sometimes I'm all over the place emotionally.


And that’s perfectly normal. Everyone is different when it comes to healing from divorce. I had a very long marriage so I felt like the majority of my life, beginning when I was in my teens, was not what I thought it was. That was hard to recover from but I did. And so will you — in time.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SBS said:


> Today wasn't the best day.. Somedays I can make it without thinking about my ex husband's mistreatment. Today was not that day. I find myself constantly reliving some of the most hurtful things he's said or done.


NOTHING wrong with this -- you need to process all the BS that has happened -- allow yourself to do that, ok?



> Recently he called my aunt telling her that the divorce wasn't all his fault. He then proceeded to tell her that we argued all the time. Never telling her that we were arguing about him staying out all times of night. Or that he lied repeatedly about his whereabouts. He's done these mini smear campaigns on and off for a while now. He told her that just because he had an affair that produced a child didn't mean he was a bad guy. The audacity and stupidity is astounding!!! Needless to say I went in and personally blocked his number on her phone. His manipulation knows no bounds.


Make sure you correct all the BS he is spewuing to friends/family. HE is trying to justify his cheating and make it that YOU are also responsible. You are not -- he is 100% responsible for cheating. Make sure you do not let him re-write your marital history to everyone.



> I'm healing at a snails pace. I've had some small breakthroughs. However, I'm so damn angry sometimes! He destroyed the life we built together, lied about everything and then attempts to play the victim?!! I feel like a fool for ever trusting him. I'm angry with myself for ignoring the red flags because I wanted the marriage to work. I wish I could just move on and get over it already... This pain and frustration gets overwhelming at times.


You need to heal at your own pace. It's ok to be mad at him. You are NO fool to trust him -- it's what good loving spouses do. HE is the one who was the fool to destroy what you both had. Realize that this is a character flaw on HIS part that he hid well until he didn't.  Don't berate yourself for this -- HE is the one at fault. You need to, in the future, recognize red flags and some of these character flaws so that your "picker" doesn't choose poorly.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

keep in touch with your lawyer, let the lawyer know if your ex insults you and ask what you can do legally.

Get some distance from your family and mutual friends, you are under pressure.

start going on dates. If you have someone to support you, most of your problems will be solved.

I realize that writing is easy, but to become better, you must move forward with determination.


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