# Where to go from here?



## LEDWA1982 (Sep 23, 2011)

Well it has been 3 months separated for us. Limited contact through text messages for the first couple of months and NC for the past month. During our last conversation he continued to state he wanted a divorce, but has still yet to file (in fact has lied twice about filing). He previously said that he did not feel loved, but has since changed his tune saying he never doubted my love for him. He now states that he can not forgive things that were said during arguments. I admit I said plenty, as did he, but unlike him I know that you have to forgive to be forgiven so I let go of those things awhile ago. 

Our divorce would be fairly straight forward and could have been finalized by now (60 day waiting in Texas) if that was truly what he wanted. He told me that he had not filed because he had been traveling for work and there is a cost involved in filing. Complete crap to me! I know that he has had the cash to travel back to where he is from twice that I know of since we separated. So that was the money it would have taken to file at least twice over. Its clearly not his priority. I do not want to divorce and still feel that our problems are fairly typical and workable. Everyone including my counselor says that I should just give it some more time (in particular to the 6 mon mark of separation), that he is very confused and avoiding dealing with the situation, but I am reluctant. I know his way of dealing with any adversity in life is to not, to run, and that is what he seems to be doing now. 

I am conflicted because my nature is to take charge and act. I have worked really hard these last few months at being patient, give him time, and not just go file myself. I have also not filed because I feel that this is his decision and he should be the one to pay for it. On the other hand, I feel that I did choose to get married and I owe it to try and if that means waiting some time then I should do that. My counselor told me this week that H seems to not want to live in reality, possibly Peter Pan syndrome, mid life crisis, or both. And that my husband did not have a realistic view of what a marriage is or what all it takes to make one successful. Counselor feels that I have a good grip on reality and our relationship but that there is nothing I can do without his cooperation at this point but either wait or cut my loses. 

So I guess my question is when is enough enough? Anyone dealt with a similar situation? If so, did you continue to wait or did you move forward with the divorce process?

Sidenote: I really want to thank all of you on this board! Reading all the post over the last few months have been so helpful in this amazingly confusing situation. So Thanks


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

I'm not in your situation... but I think if I was, I would file... and smoke him out. Could be the best $300 you've ever spent.

He'll have to either pee or get off the potty, so to speak.

It is unfair to keep you in limbo - he's under the impression that he can have you sitting around, waiting at home for him.. pining for him, even... while he is out, sowing his wild oats. Send him a clear message that life don't work like that - you aren't hanging around waiting for him to decide if he loves you or not.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Limbo is terribly painful. It is hard to believe that someone who loved you at one time would make us suffer through their selfishness this ways.

My thoughts are with you!


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## LEDWA1982 (Sep 23, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. Well got an email over the weekend with the proposed divorce papers from husband. So I guess that is that. I am relieved that he has finally decided to move forward, but definitely still irked by his absolute nonchalant attitude toward our marriage. Although I am still hoping he will wake up and want to try or at very least give it a good try, I am moving onward and upward. Totally sucks letting go of all those dreams, plans, memories. But ultimately, I know that I can do better and deserve better than someone that does not understand the commitment and work that a successful marriage requires. So I guess we shall see how the next two months go


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