# Too late...



## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Does anybody have stories of wayward ex-spouses attempting to come back after you've moved on? My brother's boss' wife ran off with a pastor (!) and then tried to come back after the affair ended. Unfortunately for her, the guy had already married and was happier with his new wife. My friend's mother had an affair, and his dad begged her not to divorce him. After the divorce he went completely dark. When her affair ended, she tried to come back, but he hates her now. Neither is married now, but to this day his father refuses to speak to his mother.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

That is a pretty common scenario from what I have read and what I have experienced.

My Ex cheated, got caught and wanted to reconcile he begged and pleaded. His new life of freedom is not what he wants at all, I'm enjoying mine


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

How about this one.....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...u-decide-leave-read-my-story.html#post1385676


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

betrayed16 said:


> Does anybody have stories of wayward ex-spouses attempting to come back after you've moved on? My brother's boss' wife ran off with a pastor (!) and then tried to come back after the affair ended. Unfortunately for her, the guy had already married and was happier with his new wife. My friend's mother had an affair, and his dad begged her not to divorce him. After the divorce he went completely dark. When her affair ended, she tried to come back, but he hates her now. Neither is married now, but to this day his father refuses to speak to his mother.


My father spent at least a few months or so attempting to convince my mother to take him back after their divorce was final. She'd already moved back to our home state by that time, and he offered to leave everything and everyone behind in TX in order to be w/ her there.

After months of getting nothing but "No" from my mother, he caved and married his OW/now wife; I do hope it stung for her to know that (at least by that point) she was his Plan B.

Fugly b*tch.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

3putt said:


> How about this one.....
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...u-decide-leave-read-my-story.html#post1385676


Wow.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

betrayed16 said:


> Does anybody have stories of wayward ex-spouses attempting to come back after you've moved on? My brother's boss' wife ran off with a pastor (!) and then tried to come back after the affair ended. Unfortunately for her, the guy had already married and was happier with his new wife. My friend's mother had an affair, and his dad begged her not to divorce him. After the divorce he went completely dark. When her affair ended, she tried to come back, but he hates her now. Neither is married now, but to this day his father refuses to speak to his mother.


This happens many times I think. I had an long term employee who tried this. After affairland ended she tried to go back to her ex. He had found someone else already and had gotten engaged. 

This was about 12 years ago, he got married, has two kids and is very happy and successful. She eventually got knocked up, married the clown and has been miserable in her second marriage for years. 

When you ask her why she stays in the lousy marriage she tells people its her own punishment for throwing away the best thing she ever had, hubby #1.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP yes my xww wanted to come home and get back together when posom finally threw her under the bus and she had to get a job to support herself. 

No thanks 

I am better off without her and have met someone who actually treats me with respect.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Well, I guess I'm an example of that.

My ex-H cheated (trolling for sex online, found it) and we divorced. He quickly remarried, not a woman he cheated on me with (at least I don't think so).

After less than 2 years of marriage he decided he didn't love her, still loved me, he divorced her, and I decided to give him another chance.

We weren't together long at all (but enough time to uproot my life, buy a house with him) when he decided that Naaahhh, he still loves her (2nd ex wife). 

I'm moving out in 12 days. I don't know how long until she moves into the house.

I've learned a huge lesson in the last year and a half. Actually, many lessons.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, I guess I'm an example of that.
> 
> My ex-H cheated (trolling for sex online, found it) and we divorced. He quickly remarried, not a woman he cheated on me with (at least I don't think so).
> 
> ...


I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're able to recoup your financial investment at least. What a jerk this guy is. You'll find happiness, and he'll be miserable. Nobody that fickle will ever find contentment.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

workindad said:


> OP yes my xww wanted to come home and get back together when posom finally threw her under the bus and she had to get a job to support herself.
> 
> No thanks
> 
> I am better off without her and have met someone who actually treats me with respect.


Awesome.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, I guess I'm an example of that.
> 
> My ex-H cheated (trolling for sex online, found it) and we divorced. He quickly remarried, not a woman he cheated on me with (at least I don't think so).
> 
> ...


That is brutal.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

What is amazing to me in these scenarios is how the WS tries to 'come back' by interloping in the betrayed's new relationship.

'Ex has a new love and is happy? No problem! Let me see if I can break that up so that I can be comfortable again.'

It's really just unremitting selfishness. I am very thick-headed in my inability to understand it.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

This also happened with my parents to an extent. My mother cheated on my father and later married the POSOM. I never had occasion to talk to my dad about it before, but I asked him about it since I'm now going through it. He said that my mother actually did make a [email protected]$$ed attempt to come back when her affair marriage ended. She has a perpetual wayward mindset, so her "attempt" to come back was more like, "So you want to try to make me happy again?" Needless to say, he declined. He's married to an awesome lady now, while my mother is alone and battling heart disease. She says leaving my dad was the worst mistake of her life. Way too little, way too late.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Only three percent of infidelity relationships last long term. Many try to come back to the BS. Only 35% of folks reconcile. 45% of women will reconcile. That makes it look like only 15% of men will.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband tried to come back about 6 months after our divorce was final, when he was in a supposedly exclusive relationship with another woman (not an affair partner). He couldn't wrap his head around why I found it offensive that a guy who cheated on me was asking me out _while he was in a relationship with someone else_. He actually told me that if we could work things out, he'd break up with her. Thanks, dear, for asking me to be the other woman.....

:slap:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Rowan wow your exh is a complete ass. 

You have to better off without him.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Rowan said:


> My ex-husband tried to come back about 6 months after our divorce was final, when he was in a supposedly exclusive relationship with another woman (not an affair partner). He couldn't wrap his head around why I found it offensive that a guy who cheated on me was asking me out _while he was in a relationship with someone else_. He actually told me that if we could work things out, he'd break up with her. Thanks, dear, for asking me to be the other woman.....
> 
> :slap:





workindad said:


> Rowan wow your exh is a complete ass.
> 
> You have to better off without him.


Complete ass *and* complete idiot.

Good Lord


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rowan said:


> My ex-husband tried to come back about 6 months after our divorce was final, when he was in a supposedly exclusive relationship with another woman (not an affair partner). He couldn't wrap his head around why I found it offensive that a guy who cheated on me was asking me out _while he was in a relationship with someone else_. He actually told me that if we could work things out, he'd break up with her. Thanks, dear, for asking me to be the other woman.....
> 
> :slap:


My father did more or less the same exact thing, except he was calling my mother from his wh*re's house WHILE still involved w/ her.

Geez... like a stupid, scared little monkey... unwilling to let go of the vine in his hand until he has a firm grip on the next.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Geez... like a stupid, scared little monkey... unwilling to let go of the vine in his hand until he has a firm grip on the next.


This is common for waywards. They don't jump ship until they've got another one lined up. When I told my pastor that my wife had left, the very first thing he asked me was if there was someone else. I told him I didn't think so. Later I told him I found out there was, and he said, "There always is."


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yep. Certainly not a noble quality.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

My LTgf tried asking for another chance 8 months after I kicked her to the curb after catching her cheating.

Told her to go pound sand.

Life is too short to waste on f*cking traitors....plenty of decent and loyal people out there.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

3putt said:


> How about this one.....
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...u-decide-leave-read-my-story.html#post1385676


This one is a little too slick. To be honest, I wonder if it is genuine...


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

alte Dame said:


> What is amazing to me in these scenarios is how the WS tries to 'come back' by interloping in the betrayed's new relationship.
> 
> 'Ex has a new love and is happy? No problem! Let me see if I can break that up so that I can be comfortable again.'
> 
> It's really just unremitting selfishness. I am very thick-headed in my inability to understand it.


I had an ex-boyfriend pull this very number on me years ago - he dumped me and broke my heart because he thought we were "getting too serious." I struggled for months alone without a word from him (even though we worked for the same company and our paths crossed frequently), and then I met, ironically, my now STBXH, and things became very serious with him very fast. The ex-boyfriend runs into me at a social event, and is all "It's hard for me to think of you being with another guy. Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life."

It really is just unremitting selfishness. I half expect my STBXH to do the same someday, once his new "relationship" fully crashes and burns, and especially if I start dating someone else in the meantime. He won't like the answer he'll get, either.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Pretty standard MO.

My buddy's wife started banging his best friend. He found out, took it like a champ, was moved out and had the house on the market within days.

Had lawers set up a seperation agreement that was fair, including joint custody, allowing her an easy exit to for her to "follow her heart." Within DAYS. The smart ****er actually used her fog against her.

Then he told his buddy's wife, and then the OM threw her away like garbage and went running home with his tail between his legs.

By this time he had booked a trip to hawaii... with his new 25 year hot old girlfriend (turns out they're pretty easy to find when you have a job and you offer a week long trip to hawaii all expenses paid!).

He waited out the fireworks banging said 25 year old, then returned home, let his wife try to buy him out of the house, which she couldn't. Let her beg to take him back, which he laughed off.

She came over to our house in tears (this is like 3 weeks later) whining about "why won't he try to work it out, for the sake of the kids?"

My wife laughed at her saying "you weren't trying to make it work when you were banging his friend. And don't think I don't know you tried to bang my husband first."

And she ran off, sobbing, to her little 2 bedroom condo that she could eke out on the meager remnants of her life.

I ran into him the other day. His business has taken off, he has a sprawling ranch outside of town, and he laughs about it all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marduk said:


> Pretty standard MO.
> 
> My buddy's wife started banging his best friend. He found out, took it like a champ, was moved out and had the house on the market within days.
> 
> ...


I'm not sure that I'd like what a psychotherapist might have to say about it, but stories like ^this^ one sure do get me grinnin' from ear to ear.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> I'm not sure that I'd like what a psychotherapist might have to say about it, but stories like ^this^ one sure do get me grinnin' from ear to ear.


Karma's a *****.

You know what he said?

Words to the effect of:

"If she would have told me when she was starting to have feelings like straying, we could have worked on it. Hell, I was so in love with her that even if she had fooled around a little, I probably would have worked on it if she would have came clean. But because I had to find out about it on my own, I knew I could never trust her again. And I knew I was right, because my life got better from the second I found out and I made the decision right then and there. And I never looked back."


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My wife did it, too. Not so overtly, but the last conversation we ever had was a "can we talk" conversation.

She had been banging this other guy for some time unbeknownst to me. I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech, followed by a few rounds of MC, followed by a spontaneous "we need to separate" with no reasons given.

All went well for her for a few months until I forced her to make up her mind, stopped paying the bills, and we settled. I wallowed for a few months, then dusted myself off, and began dating.

A few months later, apparently her well had run dry, money-wise. Complains to my family, my friends, etc, about how unfair it all is, how I'm living the high life. Then, apparently, things don't work out with mr wonderful.

"Ring, ring..." goes my cell phone one sunny afternoon. It's her.

"What do you want?" I say.

"Can we talk?"

"I'm a little busy. You can talk to my lawyer."

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. This thing is all moving so fast. Maybe we should slow down a little and talk."

"We passed that point a long time ago. Was that all?"

"Well... I can't pay for my lawyer. Do you remember me saying that you should pay for mine? I owe him $500 and you agreed to pay it."

"I did no such thing and you know it. Should I quote our agreement to you?"

"Well, if you pay it, maybe we could look at talking things out, and maybe we could make something work..."

At this point, my GF clues into the conversation and says "Is that your ***** ex wife? Tell her to **** off!"

My wife says "who's that? Are you seeing someone?"

"Given that you were ****ing someone while we were married, I'd say that's no business of yours. But, yes, we're off to the coast to **** like bunnies, and you're kind of distracting me while I'm driving." (This was before distracted driving laws).

"I can't believe you'd just move on like we were never married!" (I can't believe she said that).

"Don't ever call me again. You have my lawyer's number." Click.

Expecting plan B to stick around while you screw plan A... just plain dumb.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marduk said:


> "I can't believe you'd just move on like we were never married!" (I can't believe she said that).


LOL. I think I'd have broken down into an all-out, full-on, four-alarm giggle fit upon hearing that.

And, to be clear, this was Mrs. Marduk 1.0, correct?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marduk said:


> "I can't believe you'd just move on like we were never married!" (I can't believe she said that).



That is rich, brother.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL. I think I'd have broken down into an all-out, full-on, four-alarm giggle fit upon hearing that.
> 
> And, to be clear, this was Mrs. Marduk 1.0, correct?


Yup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

Marduk, anyone heard what your the XWW of your buddy is up to now? Sounds like his life is pretty damn good...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

All I have to say is WOW!

If cheating wasn't so unbelievable to begin with, these stories would be incredible!

I actually understand the BSs in these stories a lot easier than the plan Bs that took them back.

Not talking about the WSs that didn't leave and showed true remorse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

You know, I was thinking about this thread, and it popped into my head that WS's coming back too late to their BS's isn't always the only relationship that they later regret having destroyed.

This thought came into my head because I thought about how my maternal grandmother tried to reconnect with my dad, who she abandoned at the age of two (along with his 3 and 1 year old brothers) to run off with a POSOM...a relationship that lasted only a couple years before the POS did the same to her.

She never tried to reconnect with her sons til my dad was in his 20's.

My dad never forgave her...despite her begging him on her death bed.

My two uncles were eventually able to make some type of peace with her.

In addition to my dad, she lost her relationship with both of her brothers, who never spoke to her again for as long as any of them lived....I think the fact that my dad was VERY close with his uncles played a part in why he never forgave, while his brothers eventually made their peace.

I guess my point is that it isn't just their M relationship that WS's sometimes come too late to the realization that they have forever destroyed and lost.

Tragic and sad.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> You know, I was thinking about this thread, and it popped into my head that WS's coming back too late to their BS's isn't always the only relationship that they later regret having destroyed.
> 
> This thought came into my head because I thought about how my maternal grandmother tried to reconnect with my dad, who she abandoned at the age of two (along with his 3 and 1 year old brothers) to run off with a POSOM...a relationship that lasted only a couple years before the POS did the same to her.
> 
> ...


Yes, it's sad that they allow themselves to be so short-sighted.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

It's amazing how they can throw away their relationships destroy two families and then want to come back begging for a second chance some people may see it as remorse or the realization of what they're losing but personally I see it as just another phase of avoiding responsibility and self-serving If they were truly remorseful they wouldn't be asking you to sacrifice so much of your soul and to put forth an almost superhuman effort to maintain a relationship which quite frankly only benefits them not you not in the slightest...


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## badaboom (Feb 19, 2015)

Yeah, I have a pretty high expectation that my husband is going to come back to me at some point - I mean, try to come back. Most likely it'll be like several of these examples, when I've moved on and am seeing someone else. And that'll just be the icing on the selfish cake. Even if he tried to come back today when I'm still a mess from what's going on, there'd be a ****ing list of things he'd have to do before I let him sleep in my home and my bed again. And then he'd turn around and run. But at least I'll know I didn't let him pull any more wool over my eyes.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Whip Morgan said:


> Marduk, anyone heard what your the XWW of your buddy is up to now? Sounds like his life is pretty damn good...


Ran into her a few months ago. Works nearby. 

She's broken, alone, depressed. Just scraping by. 

Seems a bit lost.

To her credit, she actually apologized to us for how everything came down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marduk said:


> Ran into her a few months ago. Works nearby.
> 
> She's broken, alone, depressed. Just scraping by.
> 
> ...


Do she and her ex have any children?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> Do she and her ex have any children?


2 darling little girls. 

The shame is the oldest one is old enough to get what happened.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Honesty, humility and hard work could save the marriages of some cheaters who are not fundamentally bad people. On SI there is a WW whose husband said he is giving up on R. She cheated twice. Once long ago with his best friend. He knew about that as an EA when they were young. When she got caught sexting now years later – and they have three young children – she confessed that BF EA was a PA. But she said that the new affair wasn't really a PA because she and OM had tried to have intercourse in his truck but it was too cramped so he could only enter her an inch, at which point, according to her, they said fvck it, this isn't going to work.

After her record of lying about A1 why would she try to build R on a new lie about A2. I mean come on, when did a small car ever stop people from having sexual intercourse? I'll bet couples have done in MGs and VW Beetles.

But if a WW was really giving her all in R. Answering questions directly. Initiating genuinely passionate sex, being a great mom, not being a sycophant, etc. it ought to be possible.

How come people will reelect politicians whom they know lie?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Honesty, humility and hard work could save the marriages of some cheaters who are not fundamentally bad people. On SI there is a WW whose husband said he is giving up on R. She cheated twice. Once long ago with his best friend. He knew about that as an EA when they were young. When she got caught sexting now years later – and they have three young children – she confessed that BF EA was a PA. But *she said that the new affair wasn't really a PA because she and OM had tried to have intercourse in his truck but it was too cramped so he could only enter her an inch, at which point, according to her, they said fvck it, this isn't going to work.*
> 
> After her record of lying about A1 why would she try to build R on a new lie about A2. I mean come on, when did a small car ever stop people from having sexual intercourse? I'll bet couples have done in MGs and VW Beetles.
> 
> ...


Uhhh... that's a PA. It's also total bullsh*t.

As for the rest of it, I'd advise her BH to stop asking questions and just kick her to the curb already.

Oh, and to DNA his kids.


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## nightmare01 (Oct 3, 2014)

I believe that often the very best revenge is when the BS moves on and the WS ends up with their AP. Sometimes these relationships that started as affairs implode when one of both of them cheat again.

Sometimes though those relationships do work out. I've seen that happen with three different couples where the WS ended up marrying their AP after the divorce, and they are still together years later.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

marduk said:


> Pretty standard MO.
> 
> My buddy's wife started banging his best friend. He found out, took it like a champ, was moved out and had the house on the market within days.
> 
> ...


Basically what I did as well. It was apparent very quickly that my my (now) ex was not remorseful, was openly dating OM, and spitting vile things at me, I kicked her azz out of the house. I used her unicornland fog to get her to sign papers letting me have the house, our daughter, and her paying me child support (though she hasn't paid a dime in 2 years). Once, when the divorce was rolling ahead full steam ahead and about a month from being finalized, she asked me if I could ever forgive her so she could come home. I think OM had dumped her and she wanted to come home so I could fix the financial mess she had made. Uh, no thanks "babe". Way too much agua under that bridge.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

nightmare01 said:


> I believe that often the very best revenge is when the BS moves on and the WS ends up with their AP. Sometimes these relationships that started as affairs implode when one of both of them cheat again.
> 
> Sometimes though those relationships do work out. I've seen that happen with three different couples where the WS ended up marrying their AP after the divorce, and they are still together years later.


Yes, I have heard of such relationships. I've never personally seen one work out, but I'm sure some do.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

There may be a handful of "feel good" stories about how the wayward spouse wants back in after the affair but the betrayed spouse has moved on and is successful and happy and the wayward spouse ends up miserable but a quick read of the infidelity board of this site is full of betrayed partners who are miserable because they've been cheated on and they want the cheating spouse back at any cost because they can't imagine life without the cheater. That's sad, and unfortunately a lot more common than the feel good stories presented here. Hopefully those whose lives have been ruined by a cheater can live vicariously through the stories of the few betrayed people that are able to successfully move forward with their lives.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

My thought is that most people divorce when they find out their spouse is cheating on them. Those people never show up on forums such as this. However, I'd say that in most cases the betrayed spouse will actually do better the next time around, because the betrayed spouse tends to reflect on their own shortcomings and work on themselves while the unfaithful spouse blames their unhappiness on external factors and never reflects on their own shortcomings. Dr. Pittman made that observation in his book, Private Lies.

Back to who finds themselves on these forums, though, I think the success stories are out there, they just don't get told on these forums because those people never visited the forums in the first place or those that were here and moved on didn't feel the need to come back and provide an update. So it's rare to find the success stories that don't involve reconciliation.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

Very true. These types of forums have an inordinate number of people who are miserable as a result of being cheated on and do not represent the population in general, which, as the poster above said, probably tend to move on from the cheater and start new successful lives because they are strong individuals, who don't wallow in their misery and they don't expend valuable time and effort trying to win back the cheating partner.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> Back to who finds themselves on these forums, though, I think the success stories are out there, they just don't get told on these forums because those people never visited the forums in the first place or those that were here and moved on didn't feel the need to come back and provide an update. So it's rare to find the success stories that don't involve reconciliation.


I would think that anyone reconciling would have to eventually leave TAM for the sake of their sanity. I wouldn't draw any conclusions about the prevalence of divorce vs reconciliation based on this site.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

No, neither this site nor others like it can be used to draw conclusions. I'm just saying from my own anecdotal evidence from friends and family members the betrayed spouse generally goes on to do well, and in all the stories I've seen or directly heard of, the unfaithful spouse gets what's coming to them. In fact, I forgot until just now about one of my wayward mother's friends. That woman left a very successful man and is now battling drug addictions and homeless.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Google infidelity statistics, it will save a lot of time speculating. 

Only about three percent of couples that began as cheaters stay to better long term. Only about 30-35% of couples stay together after one has cheated. About 45% of women will reconcile. That seems to indicate when the wife cheats the odds of reconciliation is only about 15%. Idk if that's because of the wayward wife's detachment, the husbands refusal to accept a cheater or a combination of both.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I think the reasons men and women have a different reconciliation rate is easy to understand. Women have greater reproductive investment in a marriage with children than men do. One example can be seen from this SI BW's statement:



> I am 6 months pregnant.
> I feel tricked into this pregnancy.
> We didn't plan it - I don't mean tricked in that sense - neither of us did this on purpose. I feel tricked because at the time the baby was conceived (ironically on a trip we took together for our anniversary) I thought I knew the truth about the A and I had made the decision to R based on that. When I first found out I was pregnant I thought our baby was conceived in love and truth and that this would be a new start for us. Now I know she was conceived based on lies. I love the baby but sometimes *I actually feel repulsed that HIS baby* is inside me. I don't want anything to happen to the baby, but I don't want this (pregnancy) to be happening.


Yesterday I watched a BBC nature show with D20 and D17. Cuttlefish mating is very intriguing. A large and powerful alpha male lingered over a fertile female after depositing sperm packages inside her. A male slightly smaller approached. The alpha's body changed in appearance, coursing out warning signals. Actually looked impressive, like a digital multi-colored warning light pattern that pulsated violently. The competing male refused to backdown so that they fought.

The conflict was obviously dangerous for both since they were chopping with beaks and expending a huge amount of energy. Eventually the original big dude drove off the other male. The winner settle back over his mate to prevent any other sperm pack insertions.

Shortly after a little male approached. He was not at all capable of fighting the larger one. Instead he acted like female in the heat. He curled up submissively and changed color to look like a cuttlefish chick. The male bought into this but for whatever reason did not pursue mating. The new "female" crept under as if part of a harem.

There underneath the protective custody of the A dude, the C dude successfully mated with the female who was very receptive. As the narrator explained, this was a good strategy for her. Her genes would go on in two variations: alpha male and sneaky cheater. 

Humans are no different, except for the moral and ethical philosophies that are a side effect of our big brains.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> My thought is that most people divorce when they find out their spouse is cheating on them. Those people never show up on forums such as this. However, I'd say that in most cases the betrayed spouse will actually do better the next time around, because the betrayed spouse tends to reflect on their own shortcomings and work on themselves while the unfaithful spouse blames their unhappiness on external factors and never reflects on their own shortcomings. Dr. Pittman made that observation in his book, Private Lies.


Would you not consider moving on from this episode in your life, recovering your self esteem, working on your weaknesses, meeting a beautiful partner and being happy for the rest of your life a success?

Has your divorce been finalized?


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

happyman64 said:


> Would you not consider moving on from this episode in your life, recovering your self esteem, working on your weaknesses, meeting a beautiful partner and being happy for the rest of your life a success?
> 
> Has your divorce been finalized?


Yeah, my divorce was finalized a couple of months ago. Haven't started dating yet, but I know I've got a bright future. I see a lot of hurt here, and I hope that people can realize that they WILL be okay. Things WILL get better. I had the hardest time finding my way out of the tunnel, but once I did, I realized that getting divorced was not the end of the world. There's no flashing sign over my head alerting everyone to my failed marriage, and no one has shunned me. In fact, everyone I know has been nothing but supportive. Life goes on. Some dreams might have been shattered, but I will create new ones, and they'll be just as good if not better.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good for you.

And may I point one thing out to you?

Your marriage did not fail.

Your wife failed in your marriage.

It happens. 

And just the way she left so swiftly should be proof to you.

We all have issues.

It is how we deal with them in life that shows everyone else who we truly are.

Now get back out there!


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

happyman64 said:


> Good for you.
> 
> And may I point one thing out to you?
> 
> ...


Yes, I know it was my ex that bailed without warning. However, when I was in the thick of things, I did have a fear that everyone would see me as a failure. Nobody does, though. At least nobody who knows the details.

ETA: All my fears were unfounded.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

After 16 years of marriage and then having my spouse walk out on me suddenly I would have felt the same way as you did.

But when you get to that 50,000 foot level you realize that there is not a damn thing you could have done differently to prevent that outcome.

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from a great psychologist.

*"Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become."

by Esther Perel*


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## badaboom (Feb 19, 2015)

happyman64 said:


> After 16 years of marriage and then having my spouse walk out on me suddenly I would have felt the same way as you did.
> 
> But when you get to that 50,000 foot level you realize that there is not a damn thing you could have done differently to prevent that outcome.
> 
> ...


That is a perfect quote.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

nightmare01 said:


> I believe that often the very best revenge is when the BS moves on and the WS ends up with their AP. Sometimes these relationships that started as affairs implode when one of both of them cheat again.
> 
> Sometimes though those relationships do work out. I've seen that happen with three different couples where the WS ended up marrying their AP after the divorce, and they are still together years later.


BIL's ex serial cheater wife married her AP. 17 yrs ago. She has I think become some what of a decent person. Week before last the POSOM left her for his new fvck buddy. She was all poor pittiful me how could he. 

I was thinking now you know how BIL felt. BIL remarried to a younger, better, prettier, better in laws, etc. Had another son, nice brick house on wooded rural lot. 10 times more than what he did have with the Skank Nasty.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"Week before last the POSOM left her for his new fvck buddy. She was all poor pittiful me how could he."

Now that is the karma they ALL deserve.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I had an old GF in college that was always too important to be exclusive. She thought we should see other people, etc. I finally said fine, whatever. It hurt a month or two, then I wrote her off. After about 3-4 months, she was trying to re-establish contact, in an embarrassing way, but I ignored her letters. (Yeah, it was in postal days)

I then moved, and didn't tell her. It was pretty delicious. By the time she actually found me she knew it was way too late. Like, 2 better looking girls too late.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Anybody got any more stories? Everything's going well with me, don't worry.  I'm just in the mood to hear about some more karma.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Confusing but back in the late 40's, my grandmother's husband left her for another woman. He impregnated a co-worker and left his family and created a new family. (Side note: he stayed married to his AP for over 50 years until he died) 

I digress: 

My Grandmother was left broken-hearted and to raise three small children by herself with no support financially. She took a local factory job and after a few years, struck up a relationship with the factory owner's son. 

The factory owner's son's wife had left him, (get this), for HIS BROTHER! 

Anyway, I guess my grandmother and this fellow had a few things in common and cautiously dated for a few years and got along well from the stories I've heard. 

Well, one day, his wife came back. I guess things didn't work out with HIS BROTHER! 

He took his wife back because a lot of times those things were just done to keep the appearances of marriage. ?? 

My grandmother stayed single for the next 40-50+ years until she died. I think she'd had her fill.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

That is a truly sad story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

betrayed16 said:


> Anybody got any more stories? Everything's going well with me, don't worry.  I'm just in the mood to hear about some more karma.



Look up my stats and find one called "timing is everything" you will love it. I actually need to go update it. It's about my friend described in it. He called me a few weeks ago.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

Can this be done on an iPad?


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

opuss said:


> You should really take the time and effort to post a direct link, that will save lots of other people the time and effort to go look for it.
> 
> If interest was really high, all that clicking could slow down the internet.


Feel free to do it because I don't see how to do it on a iPad


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

That is NOT the correct way to tame wild animals.

Wait, if you're talking about dolphins - that's a different matter thou.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

That maybe a bit too much beyond sex with a male dolphin... but if both of you are into that sort of thing, well... uh, each their own.

Er... so you're into autoerotic asphyxiation with sea-mammals?!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I knew a guy in Tucson, worked with him for a few years, and he was married to his wife for about 15 years before she left him for a coworker she was screwing. Her OM was a bad dude... ran drugs and cooked meth. She had been a model wife for all those years before and I guess she just got swept away by this bad boy. 

Her husband divorced her, got the kids and house, while she was essentially disowned by family and friends. About a year to the day from abandoning her family, her OM drove their car off the side of an overpass. She was a ho no mo.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I knew a guy in Tucson, worked with him for a few years, and he was married to his wife for about 15 years before she left him for a coworker she was screwing. Her OM was a bad dude... ran drugs and cooked meth. She had been a model wife for all those years before and I guess she just got swept away by this bad boy.
> 
> Her husband divorced her, got the kids and house, while she was essentially disowned by family and friends. About a year to the day from abandoning her family, her OM drove their car off the side of an overpass. She was a ho no mo.


:frown2: Technically still a ho, just not alive no mo. 

Ever hear how the guy in Tuscon is doing?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

TheGoodGuy said:


> :frown2: Technically still a ho, just not alive no mo.
> 
> Ever hear how the guy in Tuscon is doing?


No. Have not heard from him in years. He had not remarried when I last saw him.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Augusto said:


> Look up my stats and find one called "timing is everything" you will love it. I actually need to go update it. It's about my friend described in it. He called me a few weeks ago.


Thanks! Very good one, indeed!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/277666-timing-everything.html


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