# I don't know what to do anymore!



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

I am a man trapped in a marriage where my wife does not respect me. She does NOT care about how I feel about things. She just told me she doesn't care! She always sees the other person's point of view. She talks down to me! She belittles me! She lectures me! She makes me beg for sex and I only get it around once a month. But what hurts most, is, she doesn't care how I feel about things!

I am a stay at home dad. I have not had work in years. Tomorrow I go on an interview. What timing, right? 

I can't take this disrespect! I am a fool if I continue to accept it. I need an escape plan! We have one child and she is around 12. So, I need to figure out what to do. No one really cares about my problems. I don't have anyone who will listen anymore.

I need some suggestions, especially from the men.
PLEASE HELP!

Perhaps I can start by sleeping in the basement from now on.


----------



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

It's somewhat sexist but you rely on your wife for money.

You "beg" for sex and allow her to control your sex life.

You allow her to scare you out of your own bed.

What do you do that earns respect?


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I can't take this disrespect! I am a fool if I continue to accept it.


Exactly. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. So you need to stop allowing your wife to treat you so poorly.

Structurally, you have some problems (like being unemployed) that are big hurdles to getting your wife to love and respect you. You need to address those first.

Then, you need a new attitude. You don't allow your wife to bully you into sleeping in the basement. And you stop begging for sex.

Go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and run the Mindful Attraction Plan (MAP). That will help to improve your situation.

Good luck.


----------



## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Get a job and then show her to the basement if she feels the same.


----------



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Should I sleep in another bed?


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ManOhMan2013;3445234
[B said:


> I am a stay at home dad. I have not had work in years.
> Tomorrow I go on an interview. [/B]


_" The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."_
. Lao-tzu
Tomorrow is that first step ,
Keep Walking.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I am a man trapped in a marriage where my wife does not respect me. She does NOT care about how I feel about things. She just told me she doesn't care! She always sees the other person's point of view. She talks down to me! She belittles me! She lectures me! She makes me beg for sex and I only get it around once a month. But what hurts most, is, she doesn't care how I feel about things!
> 
> I am a stay at home dad. I have not had work in years. Tomorrow I go on an interview. What timing, right?
> 
> ...


You've been enslaved. I'd get out and fast. You cannot correct it, it is her view point right or wrong. She does not want to take your side. If she did, she would.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Things will get better when you get a job. And find out exactly how old your child is. Have you been living under a bridge or something?


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> Things will get better when you get a job. *And find out exactly how old your child is. Have you been living under a bridge or something*?


That's some funny sh1t right there 

I find your post interesting though...I can almost feel the disrespect for him coming through...


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Wow! Just wow. How did you get yourself in this position? When did you give up? You're not a lazy a$$ are you? Never mind, it doesn't matter. It's past time to get your man card back...

Don't ask! Don't beg! Don't look for a pat on the head anymore! DON'T SLEEP WITH ANYONE WHO DISRESPECTS YOU!!! (That goes for men and women) Get a set of ear plugs. She's not going to like it , if you follow through. But at least in the end she'll respect you or walk away. Either way you'll be better off. Make yourself the best man you can be. Start by reading these links, then formulate your plan.

No More Mr Nice Guy

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

Ace that interview too!!!


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

get a job. any job. if you are a stay-at-home dad and not a work-at-home dad, what exactly are you doing all day while your 12 year old is at school, then at friends houses and after school activities?

Do you even want to stay married to this woman? If yes, read those books to turn it around. If not, it's time to bail.


----------



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Yes, I do work at home. However, my wife would tell you I don't work and she does it all. However, all you have to do is ask my child and she will tell you how much work I do here.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Listen, here is the list of things you need to do:
1) Get A Job!
2) Get A Job!
3) Did I say get a job?
4) find your balls and quit acting like a whinny little boy.
5) read the man up references
6) Start working on your physical health and find some men friends 
7) Don't run away and hide from your wife by sleeping in another bed. But STOP begging for sex or sulking.

Either she'll start gaining respect for you and your relationship will improve or you will be in a good position to move on with your life.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I'm a WAHM so I know that you really are working while at home. If she resents that you "do nothing" then even if her start up is wildly successful and you won't have to work, she'll still resent you. Are you only staying in this for your daughter? Because you think she should have 2 parents in the home? You can try for full custody or at least have her half the time. If you want what is best for your daughter, you will leave this marriage. You are teaching her the worst lessons of all by growing up and witnessing such a dysfunctional marriage. It would kill you to see her in a situation like yours.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Wow! Just wow. How did you get yourself in this position? When did you give up? You're not a lazy a$$ are you? Never mind, it doesn't matter. It's past time to get your man card back...
> 
> Don't ask! Don't beg! Don't look for a pat on the head anymore! DON'T SLEEP WITH ANYONE WHO DISRESPECTS YOU!!! (That goes for men and women) Get a set of ear plugs. She's not going to like it , if you follow through. But at least in the end she'll respect you or walk away. Either way you'll be better off. Make yourself the best man you can be. Start by reading these links, then formulate your plan.
> 
> ...


True man or woman! Sleeping with someone who doesn't respect you or undermines you will make you literally stupid...


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

She doesn't love you and never will again (if she ever did). Either do a 180 and deal with it or bail. Those are your only 2 options.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> Should I sleep in another bed?


 No, you should tell HER that if she's so unhappy, SHE can sleep in another bed, but you are the man of the house and you'll sleep in your own bed.

Then go read these three books, THIS WEEK: No More Mr Nice Guy, Married Man Sex Life Primer, and Hold On To Your N.U.T.S.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> all you have to do is ask my child and she will tell you


So you've become so emasculated that you have to have your child speak for you?

J/K, but it's what you sound like.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

A 12 year old is too old to have a stay at home parent, there isnt an excuse any more for you to be home. When you say you work at home, do you mean that you have a job earning income from home, or that keeping house is your job? Just curious. 

You allowed this to happen. Get a job, and get your balls back. If she wants out, she can leave.


----------



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Wow! Just wow. How did you get yourself in this position? When did you give up? You're not a lazy a$$ are you? Never mind, it doesn't matter. It's past time to get your man card back...
> 
> Don't ask! Don't beg! Don't look for a pat on the head anymore! DON'T SLEEP WITH ANYONE WHO DISRESPECTS YOU!!! (That goes for men and women) Get a set of ear plugs. She's not going to like it , if you follow through. But at least in the end she'll respect you or walk away. Either way you'll be better off. Make yourself the best man you can be. Start by reading these links, then formulate your plan.
> 
> ...


I have the book MMMNG and I will read it. Does it tell me how to get my sex appear back?


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It will give you a path to get your self respect and confidence back. Confident men are sexually appealing. Men that are not afraid to keep boundaries are respected and appealing. Read it, open your eyes....

You will understand. It's not rocket science. Sometimes we just lose track over the years. 

And read brother member Athol's book, MMSLP, too..... 

I gave you plenty of links. 

Then make a plan to get what you want.

ttys

Good luck.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

And when your done with those read this book to complete the course...

The 5 Love Languages®


----------



## talk123 (Apr 15, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Wow! Just wow. How did you get yourself in this position? When did you give up? You're not a lazy a$$ are you? Never mind, it doesn't matter. It's past time to get your man card back...
> 
> Don't ask! Don't beg! Don't look for a pat on the head anymore! DON'T SLEEP WITH ANYONE WHO DISRESPECTS YOU!!! (That goes for men and women) Get a set of ear plugs. She's not going to like it , if you follow through. But at least in the end she'll respect you or walk away. Either way you'll be better off. Make yourself the best man you can be. Start by reading these links, then formulate your plan.
> 
> ...



Anchorwatch, Know of any similar articles but for women?

This man has has been/is disrespected by his wife. Some of us women also need some help with issue. Would appreciate any advice.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

talk123 said:


> Anchorwatch, Know of any similar articles but for women?
> 
> This man has has been/is disrespected by his wife. Some of us women also need some help with issue. Would appreciate any advice.


Try "Boundaries" series by Cloud and Townsend. They are well read around here. 

I think they have a web site. 

Here's a review list of books and articles from another site. You can find quite a bit of reading there.

Program, Forum & Book Reviews 

Good luck

Try asking in the ladies section too. There are some really knowledgeable members there, that focus on that issue.


----------



## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> Yes, I do work at home. However, my wife would tell you I don't work and she does it all. However, all you have to do is ask my child and she will tell you how much work I do here.


Stupid question, but how much $$ in generic terms does your work generate. I had an office but my wife knew I really worked 100-200 hours per year. I generated in the mid to high 5 figures.

WWHT


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

talk123 said:


> Anchorwatch, Know of any similar articles but for women?
> 
> This man has has been/is disrespected by his wife. Some of us women also need some help with issue. Would appreciate any advice.


A good primer for women who have trouble with boundaries is The Dance Of Anger. My therapist recommends it a lot.


----------



## solvency7 (Jun 15, 2013)

what a thread, dude,your wife doesnt respect you because you dont earn money,dont read nothing else into it,ive been there,started working again and i get much more sex than when we swapped roles, you stand more ground also, ignore what women blab on about when they say money isnt everything,it is,they love it,they want it, they strive daily for something to look forward to etc, its annoying i know,but from your point of view also, feeling the breadwinner also gives you confidence to grab her and say lets get it on,barry white style, the third post on the first page i think says it all,grab your nuts,get a job, tell her how it is, agreed also start working out,get your muscles going,if she still doesnt want it,tell her to hit the door or walk it yourself,


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

IsGirl3 said:


> get a job. any job. if you are a stay-at-home dad and not a work-at-home dad, what exactly are you doing all day while your 12 year old is at school, then at friends houses and after school activities?
> 
> Do you even want to stay married to this woman? If yes, read those books to turn it around. If not, it's time to bail.


 You know, if the roles were reversed and someone would have said to a woman "what exactly are you doing all day while your 12 year old is at school, then at friends houses and after school activities" you can bet you life that some people replying on this thread would be all over you like a fat man on a jelly doughnut. 
Ever stop to think that the guy is cleaning the house? Doing the laundry? Going to the grocery store? All the things that a SAHM does but WAIT! HE HAS A PENIS!! He's a mooch a bum a loafer. If a woman was SAHM and was treated the way he is, everyone and I mean everyone would be screaming the same thing GET A LAWYER! LEAVE! BREAK HIS LEGS! Well not that but you know what I'm talking about.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

6301 said:


> If a woman was SAHM and was treated the way he is, everyone and I mean everyone would be screaming the same thing GET A LAWYER! LEAVE! BREAK HIS LEGS! Well not that but you know what I'm talking about.


Yes. There is a double standard. When men take on the traditional roles of a man, women appreciate it. When men take on the traditional roles of a woman, women are much less likely to appreciate it. It's not fair. It's just the way the world works. It's much better to recognize the way of the world and adapt to it than to rail against it as your sexless marriage deteriorates.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

6301, men have been ruling households for tens of thousands of years. It's only been in the past 100-200 years that even the idea that women could support a family has become mainstream. We may be outwardly accepting that the sexes can switch roles these days, but our biologically based psychology has a few thousand years to catch up on that. Women are going to have a hard time respecting a man who does 'women's work,' whether she wants to admit it or not. Whether she WANTS to, or not.


----------



## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Man oh man

Has your wife ever respected you? Did she display a lot of disrespect for you when you had steady work? Does she cross marital-type boundaries? I.e. flirt with other men, close male friends etc.


----------



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

nuclearnightmare said:


> Man oh man
> 
> Has your wife ever respected you? Did she display a lot of disrespect for you when you had steady work? Does she cross marital-type boundaries? I.e. flirt with other men, close male friends etc.


She never flirts with other men. At least, not in front of me. When I was doing well she seems to have more respect for me... although she has always been a big control freak. I think she pities me more than anything. It's not as if she is nagging me to get work. She knows I am being turned down by everyone.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then go back to school and get some training in something.


----------



## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> She never flirts with other men. At least, not in front of me. When I was doing well she seems to have more respect for me... although she has always been a big control freak. I think she pities me more than anything. It's not as if she is nagging me to get work. She knows I am being turned down by everyone.


She does not sound like the best but you picked her from the haystack so you gotta go with it. 

It's fairly simple, girls like guys who can give them security and a lot of girls associate security with money. If she does it all or feels as though she has to carry all the weight, of course she'll treat you like crap, princess.

btw, why did you marry her knowing she was a control freak? Must have been a quality you liked.


----------



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Fallen Leaf said:


> She does not sound like the best but you picked her from the haystack so you gotta go with it.
> 
> It's fairly simple, girls like guys who can give them security and a lot of girls associate security with money. If she does it all or feels as though she has to carry all the weight, of course she'll treat you like crap, princess.
> 
> btw, why did you marry her knowing she was a control freak? Must have been a quality you liked.


*It wasn't a quality I liked. I think it was a quality I was used to. *


----------

