# how do i know im in love with my husband



## savie1979 (Mar 3, 2012)

i am a confused person , im married ,, been together 16 yrs, married nearly 1 yr...house, kids.... 
i just feel lack of chemistry towards my husband and tired of his ways ,, eg ,, i have to ask to watch his kids to do anything go anywhere in which he replies oh do i have to ,, acts as if his joking this is frustrating as i would like to go out with friends of a niht to have drinks .. he doesnt like this and doesnt want to watch kids... he doesnt like idea that i would go ouyt without him...

im feeling no spark ,attraction as well which is concerning ..i enjoy sleeping in the bed without him there ..

i imAGINE being with somone else .. 
ive devoloped an e a .. which is driving me crazy ... and think of this constantly ,,, 
when do you know a relationship is over and feel ok to leave ?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I think you should try marriage counselling before you call it quits. Evidently your husband has to pull his weight in the relationship and it appears as if you harbour a lot of resentment towards him for being so selfish. You've been together a long time and have children together, it's best to at least issue him an ultimatum and express to him that you're falling out of love with him, that might make him get his act together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have developed an e a... do you mean emotional affair? 

Ending a marriage over an affair is not a good thing to do. Affairs seldom turn into anything long term. So you would trade in your marriage for a few weeks or months of feel good... so you destory your marriage and children over nothing really.


You want to go out and have a drink with with friend? Do you mean the other man (OM)? Perhaps you can your husband need to get a baby sitter and go out for a good time once a week instead?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

So you want to go out to "have drinks with friends" and ask him to watch the kids...meanwhile you're already in an emotional affair.

Wow. If my WIFE asked me to watch the kids so she could go out drinking like she was some sort of college single girl meanwhile she's cheating on me...yeesh. My reaction would be a lot more direct than his.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I think you already know the answer to your own question. If you feel you are in a marriage alone, then you are in a marriage alone. Keeping a marriage together is hard and it is a two person job. One spouse can't spin their wheels trying to "keep the spark" when the other spouse doesn't even know they are there. 

I also have a husband that sits in his recliner like King Henry and balks anytime I ask him to do something. This causes resentment. I start to feel like I am his mommy, doing everything. If you feel like his mommy or roommate, of course the spark is going to fizzle and so will your feelings of love. The only way to get those feelings back (if you want them to come back) is for your husband to get off his ass and care about your feelings. Be disrespectful to you does not make him very lovable. 

My advice would be to stop doing everything around the house and for him. Sure, a messy house may drive you insane, but at least you won't feel like a doormat. Have you read up on the 180? It is basically a way to show yourself you will be okay without him. You will fix yourself, get more independent, and be happier. I am doing the 180 right now and it really has helped me. My husband hasn't changed, but I have. I no longer get sick or angry at him anymore. I just go and do my own thing.


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## savie1979 (Mar 3, 2012)

i thank you all for replying , it means alot even if its bad i need to hear the truth .. 
1. im not actually having a affair.. physically not even sure if i would but i think of someone so much i almost want to its driving me insane .
i dont know if this guy is even as interseted in me , he has said things on an occasion. but obviously he knows im married, 

i feel like i could be given him signs but not sure if he feels the same anyway..

but why do i feel like this .. im tired of it as its not the 1st time thats 4 sure ...i have alot to loose i know if i break up my marriage. and we just went through this recently almost breaking up .. i dont think i could handle the discussion again nor could he . it wouldnt be fair so if i was to say anything i have to be sure 
at this stage im not sure i wanna stir something up ..

im a confused mess... i even avoid sex ,, i have no interset with him.. didnt help that i found his penis was inflamed the other day, he itchies it alot i dont know it turned me off in case it was a thrush male infection ..

sorry 4 rambiling


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