# I can't orgasm with mh anymore



## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

haven't for many years. But when I was with the OM I had many. How to fix that. Thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is going on in your head when you are having sex with your husband?


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

nothing, I clear my head and think of MH.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you don't love him you love your affair partner.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

sometimes I think I'm a slab of meat for MH once he is done with me it's over. He doesn't kiss me passionate it's more like a dog kiss don't ask.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> you don't love him you love your affair partner.


I don't.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovemylife26 said:


> sometimes I think I'm a slab of meat for MH once he is done with me it's over. He doesn't kiss me passionate it's more like a dog kiss don't ask.


There's your answer. Being treated that way would be a turn off to anyone.

Have you told him how you feel about the way he treats you during sex?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lovemylife26 said:


> I don't.


?

why don't you ask him to be attentive in the bed to what you enjoy?

I can feel the resentment through the computer ....he kisses like a dog!!!!!

sounds like your done call it a day and move on for both of yours sake.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Does your husband know about your affair? If he does.... it could be that he finds it very difficult if not painful to kiss you and be intimate. How are the two of you doing in recovery from your affair? There may be a lot of hurts that need to be worked through before he can really make sex an act of love once again.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

No one wants to be used as a masturbation device. How long ago was the affair? Does he know about it? I am a BS.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> There's your answer. Being treated that way would be a turn off to anyone.
> 
> Have you told him how you feel about the way he treats you during sex?


Yes, I did and I get I'm sorry. I will try better next time.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

MrBrains said:


> No one wants to be used as a masturbation device. How long ago was the affair? Does he know about it? I am a BS.


I'm both, I had a RA. 2 weeks ago.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> ?
> 
> why don't you ask him to be attentive in the bed to what you enjoy?
> 
> ...


I do and I get I will try better next time.
He does he sticks out his tounge and wants me to do the same.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lovemylife26 said:


> I'm both, I had a RA. 2 weeks ago.


If you really want to try the tell your lazy lover of a husband that no more sex,love making until you guys rekindle some love for eachother! start getting professional help and doing dates and spending time together. give it a time frame of 6 months to a year and if it dosn't come back stick a fork in it and move on for both of yours sake.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lovemylife26 said:


> I do and I get I will try better next time.
> He does he sticks out his tounge and wants me to do the same.


that called french kissing....open mouths with tounge action and to my knowledge most women love a guy who can kiss good.

or are you refering to something different.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

I know what French kissing is and that is not what it is


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lovemylife26 said:


> I know what French kissing is and that is not what it is


teach him. teach him how to lick youpu$$y teach him how to do what you like. if he isn't interested then you need to decide if its a deal breaker.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

you think the how to guides would of helped him.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

The PA was weeks ago. Give him time.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> teach him. teach him how to lick youpu$$y teach him how to do what you like. if he isn't interested then you need to decide if its a deal breaker.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think the how to guides are for people who have trouble explaining what they like because of embarrassment or whatever reasons. kinda of a ice breaker of sorts!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> You had a revenge affair. But your husband was the one that had the original affair. Without doing a lot of searching, how long did your husband have this affair? Did he used to be a better lover but lost his passion due to his desire for his OW? Did you lose your ability to orgasm with your husband since you first found out about the affair, around the time your husband began his affair or was it well before either one of those?
> 
> As painful as it may be, you may never be able to get past his cheating and will never feel anything for him again. He may not be able to come around and love you like he used to after he had his affair, so he's going through the motions. IDK what is exactly going on here, but it seems like his and your affair has killed this marriage.
> 
> You need to have a serious discussion and lay all of your cards on the table. Have it out so that both of you can decide if you can overcome the betrayals. I'm guessing that either you or the both of you cannot overcome it.


The revenge affair was two weeks ago. Deciding now that they can't overcome it seems a little premature. Sounds like there is a lot of reconciling to be done before both of you are able to engage in sex like you used to. The ability to orgasm has a lot to do with state of mind ... and a relationship in which one or both parties have had affairs has to affect your state of mind. That has to get fixed before it becomes easier to orgasm.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> You had a revenge affair. But your husband was the one that had the original affair. Without doing a lot of searching, how long did your husband have this affair? Did he used to be a better lover but lost his passion due to his desire for his OW? Did you lose your ability to orgasm with your husband since you first found out about the affair, around the time your husband began his affair or was it well before either one of those?
> *15 months for MH A. Well before either affairs happened.*
> As painful as it may be, you may never be able to get past his cheating and will never feel anything for him again. He may not be able to come around and love you like he used to after he had his affair, so he's going through the motions. IDK what is exactly going on here, but it seems like his and your affair has killed this marriage.
> He has no problem having an orgasm. He says he is fine and loves me and all that jazz. Since I came clean we only had sex 2x. After his affair we were HBing.
> ...


I'm a big baby and i'm scared to tell him. I don't want to hurt him, but I know he needs to know.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> I'm a big baby and i'm scared to tell him. I don't want to hurt him, but I know he needs to know.


Ok, first ... you have to tell him. Neither of you will be able to "get right" with that kind of guilt or dirty laundry.

Second ... something was wrong with your relationship to the point that he had an affair. That is NOT an excuse for having an affair but most people who are fulfilled, happy and satisfied within their marriage do not have affairs. Something was wrong or missing. It may have nothing to do with you at all and may be entirely his issue ... but it may have caused an issue for you in that something changed and you were no longer able to orgasm with him. Maybe he wasn't present, attentive or passionate enough ... only you can say. Maybe it wasn't something different about him ... maybe something changed with you ... again, only you can say. All I know is that difficulties in sex is not a surprise in a relationship where cheating is involved or where things are such that cheating is an option for at least one of the spouses.

I don't think there is a magic solution to this problem. Work on your marriage and the rest will cum, so to speak


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Ok, first ... you have to tell him. Neither of you will be able to "get right" with that kind of guilt or dirty laundry.
> 
> Second ... something was wrong with your relationship to the point that he had an affair. That is NOT an excuse for having an affair but most people who are fulfilled, happy and satisfied within their marriage do not have affairs. Something was wrong or missing. It may have nothing to do with you at all and may be entirely his issue ... but it may have caused an issue for you in that something changed and you were no longer able to orgasm with him. Maybe he wasn't present, attentive or passionate enough ... only you can say. Maybe it wasn't something different about him ... maybe something changed with you ... again, only you can say. All I know is that difficulties in sex is not a surprise in a relationship where cheating is involved or where things are such that cheating is an option for at least one of the spouses.
> 
> I don't think there is a magic solution to this problem. Work on your marriage and the rest will cum, so to speak


The reason why he cheated on me was that he wasn't happy for a while. I wasn't giving him any sex for a while. In Oct 2011 till Dec 2011 I think we had sex maybe 3x. Then nothing until March 2012 after DDay. And I wouldn't give him BJS. This is what he told me.
And he choice her 1st. I feel like i'm 2nd best.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Ok, this is what is called *trickle truth*, forum style. You started out with one problem, and slowly we find out that your relationship has a whole truckload of issues. PA' s, hidden RA' s, major resentments, lack of sex...... etc. No wonder you can't orgasm. You need a freaking scorecard to figure out what's going on here. I can tell you one thing, sex is just the symptom here, NOT the problem! You're relationship has major, major issues!!! You may want to restate your problem, your real problem, all of it. I'll bet there's more.....


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> sometimes I think I'm a slab of meat for MH once he is done with me it's over. He doesn't kiss me passionate it's more like a dog kiss don't ask.


I think that is the reason right there. Have you spoken with your H about this?


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

Well it doesn't help for the longest time I was forced to give him a BJ until I put my foot down.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i was going to chime in but you are 2 weeks out from cheating well no [email protected] sherlock your husband does nothing for you.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

He has for a few years.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

lovemylife26 said:


> He has for a few years.


From your own statements you and he have had such little sex that he really has no idea what you like. 

You need to work together to learn what each other likes and to communicate to one another,

You also need to come clean about your choice to cheat.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

lovemylife26 said:


> Well it doesn't help for the longest time I was forced to give him a BJ until I put my foot down.


What? Like with a gun? BJs are something you do out of love. There is a lot more under the surface of this iceberg.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

No gun. But stuck in my face and my face held there until he pulled out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

lovemylife26 said:


> No gun. But stuck in my face and my face held there until he pulled out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound nice. Why is it you would not willingly give your husband BJs out if love? Do you love him? Do you understand a mans connection between sex and love?


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

MrBrains said:


> You sound nice. Why is it you would not willingly give your husband BJs out if love? Do you love him? Do you understand a mans connection between sex and love?



That's that I sound nice how I'm I to sound crabby.
Why because when you are forced it every night then the moment is gone. It should be something I want to do on my terms.
Do I love him yes, i'm in love with him no.
I guess I really don't understand the connection.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I love him yes, I'm not in love with him

Candy, what exactly does that even mean?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I love him yes, I'm not in love with him
> 
> Candy, what exactly does that even mean?


I suspect it has something to do with the fact that it's only been 2 or 3 weeks since she last had sex with the OM, and she's probably as foggy as 19th century London.

Edit: sorry, I was referring to the OP, not Candy.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

I haven't been in love with him since his DDay.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

lovemylife26 said:


> I haven't been in love with him since his DDay.


I can appreciate that.

So what on earth is keeping you two together? What do you want to do?


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I can appreciate that.
> 
> So what on earth is keeping you two together? What do you want to do?



I think it's the kids. I know I know, staying for the kids will not help them.
I want to try and work it out, I know it's along road ahead.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

First end ALL contact with the other guy. Come to grips with what YOU have done to the marriage. Only then can you start to move forward and have a real meaningful sexual relationship with your HUSBAND.


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