# Spending problems, not lack of money



## OttawaJones (May 31, 2013)

Hello, I'm wondering what the members here feel about having too much money and problems it creates. Is this the correct forum?

We have a business that brings in more then enough extra money each month. Trouble is I like to save most of it or spend it on my hobbies, and my wife wants to help out her family and spend it on herself. 

About 7 years ago we went to a marriage counselor and he suggested that each person get a certain amount of money each month to spend as they choose on whatever they choose [legally speaking]. That has worked but it's a stuggle for her to stay within that amount. The phone is always ringing, this person needs this that person needs that. I bothers me that she thinks because we are rich we should help them all out. And no doubt they take advantage of that. 

I am putting our extra money into retirement plans and she rather blow most of it.

I'm looking for a solution if anyone can help. Some details, live in Ottawa Canada, over 40 yrs old married over 20 yrs, she has grown kids. 

Thank you


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The problem is you are owning your wife's inability to say no. If she chooses to give away her spending money to users that's her choice. If she runs out of money thats her problem too. Your job is to stick to the boundary of how much money you're okay with her controlling and say no when she wants more.

Focus on what you can control (hint it's not other people) and let the rest go.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Make 4 divisions instead of 2.

Each of them goes to:
1. retirement fund
2. her
3. you
4. charity

decide on the percentages.

Ask your wife how will she be able to help people after retirement. If she does not make it sensible now then in future the people who love her so much will curse and abuse her for having changed.


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## OttawaJones (May 31, 2013)

Very excellent responses, thanks.

Our backgrounds are quite different. My family is, keep all the money to yourself until death, then Will it to kids family etc. Her family is, give it out now when the family needs it so you die broke lol. 

The other thing is in 5 years time I would like to sell all and move to Vancouver [Canada's California but with rain lol]. Canadians know it's expensive to live there as property values are the highest in the country, so some of the extra money needs to go towards that. She is ok with the Vancouver idea.

My mom actually said the same thing im_tam. Pay the monthly bills and whats left split into categories, retirement, taxes, Vancouver, her & me etc.

Thanks


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## OttawaJones (May 31, 2013)

Not much help here? I hope I didn't come off as snobby or something. Even rich people have money problems. I mean really rich not the fake rich millinionaire next door. We worth about 2,7 million all debt free.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think the answer given was good. 
You can't own your wife's problems in not being able to say no.
It's good that she can help others, but she should also understand the difference between helping and enabling. And the negative consequences on others as well as the relationship between her and them, of enabling. It could build resentment, as well as feelings of entitlement, and underscore the differences in lifestyle, negatively. Around here we have a saying, good fences make good neighbors. Families are neighbors that never go away....


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

Though you may have an budgeting agreement in place; it sounds like you need to ask her about revising it. Budgets should always be adjusted from time to time and this sounds like one of those instances. I would also ask her to speak with me before she offers financial assistance to family members because her actions could inadvertently enable others to continually make bad financial decisions. You should also agree to do the same.


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