# How to expose with proof.........



## life.is.pain

Ok will i have STBXW's text message log she left on computer.

I found the guy she has been cheating with. I have his phone #, his address and his name.

What i wanna know is what should i do or handle this.

I wanna expose her after father's day.

Should i call him ?

Should i pay him a visit ?

How would you handle this, those that have experience exposing WS.

What do ya'll think her reaction is gonna be once i expose her ass ??

Should i go dark once i expose her ?

Im getting anxious already, but don't wanna expose till after fathers day cause wanna be with my kids.

Advice please......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RaisedGarden

First of all, how much proof do you have? Is it admissible in court? Are you looking for a divorce or reconciliation? Are you looking for custody?... You need to answer these questions before you expose. It will never go the way you will expect, and to be honest you have only one shock and awe at your disposable. I would definitely run any proof you have by a lawyer before you expose as well. Some states don't look kindly upon intercepting digital communication. Don't get yourself in hot water right out of the gate. Keep collecting information that will work in your favor in any pending divorce. Once you know these answers you will have your road map to how you will expose. Oh, also keep it quiet. She will only go underground if she gets a whiff of you snooping around. FYI


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## Squeakr

I would find out if he is married or has a G/F and then let her know about the A as well. I would just confront her with the information point blank. If you have it and show her directly to her face then she has less of a chance to fabricate a cover story and you can see it in her face directly.


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## Squeakr

RaisedGarden said:


> First of all, how much proof do you have? Is it admissible in court? Are you looking for a divorce or reconciliation? Are you looking for custody?... You need to answer these questions before you expose. It will never go the way you will expect, and to be honest you have only one shock and awe at your disposable. I would definitely run any proof you have by a lawyer before you expose as well. Some states don't look kindly upon intercepting digital communication. Don't get yourself in hot water right out of the gate. Keep collecting information that will work in your favor in any pending divorce. Once you know these answers you will have your road map to how you will expose. Oh, also keep it quiet. She will only go underground if she gets a whiff of you snooping around. FYI


From the original posting, it looks like this was stored on the communal computer, which is not breaking any law in gaining this information from it. As long as the passwords were known and it was considered acceptable to get on such computer then it is also not against the law and completely acceptable.


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## workindad

I'm not sure I could or would wait. Does OM have a wife or SO? 

What is your goal R or D? Of course you may not be ready to decide that yet and her behavior post dday may help you decide. 

I would hit her with it now and still spend Father's Day with the kids. You didn't make this mess. Don't leave the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad

Oh and by tested for stds. Take care of your health. 

Also if you are set on D. Speak to a lawyer first to see if you can get an advantage of some kind like protecting your savings from being wiped out or your credit card from being maxed post exposure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

RaisedGarden said:


> First of all, how much proof do you have? Is it admissible in court? Are you looking for a divorce or reconciliation? Are you looking for custody?... You need to answer these questions before you expose. It will never go the way you will expect, and to be honest you have only one shock and awe at your disposable. I would definitely run any proof you have by a lawyer before you expose as well. Some states don't look kindly upon intercepting digital communication. Don't get yourself in hot water right out of the gate. Keep collecting information that will work in your favor in any pending divorce. Once you know these answers you will have your road map to how you will expose. Oh, also keep it quiet. She will only go underground if she gets a whiff of you snooping around. FYI



Have enough proof that she can't deny anything anymore. Its all there for her to see.


I want a divorce, reconciliation is off the table now. She had her chance to work on the marriage and when she said we working on the marriage it was all fake. Whole time seeing and talking to someone. Explains why she always said she didn't know what she wanted.

I don't want full custody of my kids. Later when they more grown they can decide who they wanna live with, till then 50/50.

I want to show everyone who she really is. She has played the victim to long and now i want people to see the real her, not who she portrays herself.

I wanna call the guy and see what he says. And tell him that he can have her now.

Just wanna pop her imaginary world. Cause like everyone says. In her world with him he don't gotta deal with her fulltime, he don't deal with bills, the kids, nothing. So he can get that load now.

Besides this morning before she left to work she asked where do we stand and whats gonna happen between us. Now she asking that question after 2 months separated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Squeakr said:


> I would find out if he is married or has a G/F and then let her know about the A as well. I would just confront her with the information point blank. If you have it and show her directly to her face then she has less of a chance to fabricate a cover story and you can see it in her face directly.


I do have the proof. No way she can deny it anymore. 

I wanna call him and then pay him a visit. Nothing violent though. No woman is worth fighting over. I just need justification for my kids is all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Squeakr said:


> From the original posting, it looks like this was stored on the communal computer, which is not breaking any law in gaining this information from it. As long as the passwords were known and it was considered acceptable to get on such computer then it is also not against the law and completely acceptable.


It was on the family computer. I went into the documents folder to download my music, and there it was downloaded. I didn't go into her accounts. It was already there for the taking.....hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

workindad said:


> I'm not sure I could or would wait. Does OM have a wife or SO?
> 
> What is your goal R or D? Of course you may not be ready to decide that yet and her behavior post dday may help you decide.
> 
> I would hit her with it now and still spend Father's Day with the kids. You didn't make this mess. Don't leave the house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I wanna wait till after fathers day so that way there won't be any tension around my kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

workindad said:


> Oh and by tested for stds. Take care of your health.
> 
> Also if you are set on D. Speak to a lawyer first to see if you can get an advantage of some kind like protecting your savings from being wiped out or your credit card from being maxed post exposure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes gonna start looking for lawyers, at least first consultation is free and go from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lewmin

Getting in touch with the other guy is counterproductive unless you want to beat the crap out of him (which could get you in trouble for assault). He will have no interest in "meeting with you". Notifyinh him will only give him a heads up to protect his turf and warn his own wife/gf that there is some nut out there. The OM couldn't give a hoot about your feelings.

But what you must do right now is expose him to his wife/gf with the proof. This will create a situation that is more final...and if he has a wife, your wife is about to get thrown under the bus (in most likely).


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## Squeakr

life.is.pain said:


> Yes gonna start looking for lawyers, at least first consultation is free and go from there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wish that was the case in my state. They only seem to give free consult on personal injury suits.


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## life.is.pain

lewmin said:


> Getting in touch with the other guy is counterproductive unless you want to beat the crap out of him (which could get you in trouble for assault). He will have no interest in "meeting with you". Notifyinh him will only give him a heads up to protect his turf and warn his own wife/gf that there is some nut out there. The OM couldn't give a hoot about your feelings.
> 
> But what you must do right now is expose him to his wife/gf with the proof. This will create a situation that is more final...and if he has a wife, your wife is about to get thrown under the bus (in most likely).



So you don't think anything is gonna happen if i call him ? You don't think word is gonna get back to my STBXW ? I have driven by his home and i seen a couple cars parked there.

I don't understand why women choose someone thats below their own spouse. 


Makes no sesne to me at all. But oh well thats who she wants so they will be good for each other.

They will just end up paying each other by not trusting each other once i expose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn

life.is.pain said:


> So you don't think anything is gonna happen if i call him ? You don't think word is gonna get back to my STBXW ? I have driven by his home and i seen a couple cars parked there.
> 
> I don't understand why women choose someone thats below their own spouse.
> 
> 
> Makes no sesne to me at all. But oh well thats who she wants so they will be good for each other.
> 
> They will just end up paying each other by not trusting each other once i expose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*I don't understand why women choose someone thats below their own spouse. 
Makes no sesne to me at all. But oh well thats who she wants so they will be good for each other.* 
It will never make sense to me.

If you confront the OM I would be careful as to what proof you have. I would keep my hand close to me and not reveal much at all. Like they say knowledge is power and the more you reveal the more you give to them to come up with a story or deconstruct what you are saying.

My wife and I am on the road to R but what she has put me through over the last several years was horrible. Like yours I was the bad guy to all her family and friends and I had no clue she was saying these things about me. It is unimaginable the lies they construst.


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## mineforever

Have your proof stored off site somewhere she can't get to it and destroy it. Take it tp your lawyer befor you ever reveal anything to her or him! I would not confront either befor talking to your lawyer...let him do the talking for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem

mineforever said:


> Have your proof stored off site somewhere she can't get to it and destroy it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

We've had many BS's here who left the evidence laying around for their WS to destroy.


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## lordmayhem

Ok, I looked at your other thread. It's hard to keep track of your story since you spread it out over different threads. 



life.is.pain said:


> Well as i go to my documents, i see a odd downloaded file.....hmmm ???
> 
> I open the odd file and BINGO !!!!!!! Hahaha
> 
> Its a text message charges call log to her phone she must of downloaded....its dated May 1st 2013 to May 2nd 2013.....a total of 469 text messages to one specific phone #.
> 
> So i spydial the phone #.......and BAM !!!!!!
> 
> Phone number belongs to some dude i had mentioned to her some time last year in november. I had found a Best Buy receipt in her email account some time last year.
> 
> I had confronted her about the best buy item, but she denied it and will i didn't really believe her but i just let it go.
> 
> Well now i have the dudes number, i have his name, his address and proof so she can't deny sh*t anymore.



Your WW has been using the DDD (Deny, Deny, Deny) tactic on you.
She won't drop her OM because she still denies the affair.
You have NOT exposed the OM to his wife (OMW)/girlfriend (OMGF)
You've been in False R for months
You're separated two months now
She doesn't want a divorce.

She wants to keep you as the backup plan while she's still in the affair. Expose the affair to the OMW/OMGF as soon as you can. She wants to keep you as the backup plan in case things with Mr Perfect don't work out as planned.


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## workindad

Sounds like you know what you want. I would go dark now and speak to a lawyer ASAP.

As soon as you confront OM he will tip off your wife. I would not let her find out that way. I'd confront or out her first. Then Him if you must without letting her know your plans. 

Keep her guessing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo

LIP,

Please take stock of what you want to accomplish. If you have decided on divorce and you are in a no-fault state, exposure doesn't change your situation. I certainly believe you owe the OM's spouse the truth. If you want to "clear your name" with friends and family,, exposure to them may have some value. If you are wanting revenge, just walk away. The best revenge you can have is to have a wonderful life without the cheating STBXW. Have her served at the office if you want a little extra shock. 

Targeting the OM is of NO value. He already knows what he has done. He will know that you know when you let his spouse know and his spouse will inflict substantially more pain than you ever could,

My recommendation is to see a lawyer today. File TODAY. serve her ASAP. Waiting gains nothing.


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## life.is.pain

Thorburn said:


> *I don't understand why women choose someone thats below their own spouse.
> Makes no sesne to me at all. But oh well thats who she wants so they will be good for each other.*
> It will never make sense to me.
> 
> If you confront the OM I would be careful as to what proof you have. I would keep my hand close to me and not reveal much at all. Like they say knowledge is power and the more you reveal the more you give to them to come up with a story or deconstruct what you are saying.
> 
> My wife and I am on the road to R but what she has put me through over the last several years was horrible. Like yours I was the bad guy to all her family and friends and I had no clue she was saying these things about me. It is unimaginable the lies they construst.



Exactly.....i know she has ran me through the mud with everyone, so everybody believes its me the reason we are separated. But i have learned that life catches up to all of us at one point or another, so she will get hers one day.

I could careless if im around to see her get hers, cause either way its gonna happen.

And i know one day she will wakeup to regret it all in the end, but she knows what she's doing right now and she don't care. So when she does wakeup i won't care either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

mineforever said:


> Have your proof stored off site somewhere she can't get to it and destroy it. Take it tp your lawyer befor you ever reveal anything to her or him! I would not confront either befor talking to your lawyer...let him do the talking for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is what i have been thinking, first getting a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> We've had many BS's here who left the evidence laying around for their WS to destroy.


I have my proof well hidden and safe that she can't get to it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

lordmayhem said:


> Ok, I looked at your other thread. It's hard to keep track of your story since you spread it out over different threads.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your WW has been using the DDD (Deny, Deny, Deny) tactic on you.
> She won't drop her OM because she still denies the affair.
> You have NOT exposed the OM to his wife (OMW)/girlfriend (OMGF)
> You've been in False R for months
> You're separated two months now
> She doesn't want a divorce.
> 
> She wants to keep you as the backup plan while she's still in the affair. Expose the affair to the OMW/OMGF as soon as you can. She wants to keep you as the backup plan in case things with Mr Perfect don't work out as planned.



My plans are to expose after fathers day, don't want tension around my kids right now. Besides gives me time to find out more stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

workindad said:


> Sounds like you know what you want. I would go dark now and speak to a lawyer ASAP.
> 
> As soon as you confront OM he will tip off your wife. I would not let her find out that way. I'd confront or out her first. Then Him if you must without letting her know your plans.
> 
> Keep her guessing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I am gonna expose her. I was thinking of exposing her on her facebook so all her family can see who she really is. I have her email and password to login to her facebook....what do ya'll think....

good idea or no ??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

KanDo said:


> LIP,
> 
> Please take stock of what you want to accomplish. If you have decided on divorce and you are in a no-fault state, exposure doesn't change your situation. I certainly believe you owe the OM's spouse the truth. If you want to "clear your name" with friends and family,, exposure to them may have some value. If you are wanting revenge, just walk away. The best revenge you can have is to have a wonderful life without the cheating STBXW. Have her served at the office if you want a little extra shock.
> 
> Targeting the OM is of NO value. He already knows what he has done. He will know that you know when you let his spouse know and his spouse will inflict substantially more pain than you ever could,
> 
> My recommendation is to see a lawyer today. File TODAY. serve her ASAP. Waiting gains nothing.



Her family already thinks im the bad guy, so me exposing to them would make them think and see who my stbxw really is. Other than that its not revenge, its just to get it off my chest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor

Read the above link it contains info on exposure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squeakr

life.is.pain said:


> I am gonna expose her. I was thinking of exposing her on her facebook so all her family can see who she really is. I have her email and password to login to her facebook....what do ya'll think....
> 
> good idea or no ??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


MY $0.02 but I would say not a good idea. Although it is not something that is readily punished in this day and age, with you accessing her FB to out her, there is definite proof of you doing wrong. If she says that you didn't have permission to do this it is a criminal offense. Will it be pushed, probably not, but it could be used against you in negotiating the D settlements. I wouldn't do anything that might be illegal at this time until the D is final. If you must, then do it on your own FB or through cheaterville with an account you set up, that way it is your controlled interest and not considered possibly "hacking" into her accounts.


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## Shaggy

Go after targets that will hurt the affair , don't waste too much the in her family, they will just ignore it and blame you.

Targets in priority:

1. The OM wife or gf.
2. OMs parents
3. Friends of you and her.
4. If they connect bus work, then work
5. If they met via social activity, then close members of that group.
99. Her family


See you are out to expose them and make the affair a public spectacle and costly socially to continue

I'd start by putting him up on cheaterville.com, if you want to go to war with your wife put her up there too, but I strongly recommend against that because if the kids.


I'd then directly contact the guys wife / gf and tell her, and offer to share the worst of the proof.

Then you have a couple options

1. You can just send the cheaterville link to everyone, except your wife and the OM and wait.

2. Print out the evidence you gave to the OMW, put it in the center of the bed with your wedding ring, and leave for a day or two. When you. Return, return with D papers if you can, or at least the name of your lawyer.


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## Shaggy

At no point do you directly confront the OM. That will give him an opportunity to lie and lie, and you will gain nothing.

He's not the winner here. At best he ends up with a confirmed cheater, and frankly they aren't worth anything.


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## Thor

life.is.pain said:


> Her family already thinks im the bad guy, so me exposing to them would make them think and see who my stbxw really is. Other than that its not revenge, its just to get it off my chest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Who the F cares what her family thinks about you?

I agree 100% with KanDo. You have no intention of reconciliation, so now you go into D mode. Every move is strategic towards you getting the best outcome for you. Exposure will inflame her, which may cause her to spend all of _your_ assets on lawyers fighting.

If the goal is to clear your name with your family and friends, just tell them she stepped out of the marriage and you decided to call it quits. Then after the D is finalized you can show them the proof. Don't show anyone the proof unless you want _everyone_ to see it, because it will be leaked.

In your situation I would just file for D. If she asks you wth is going on, just say "I know the truth", or "You know why".


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## badbane

The initial reveal would be best done verbally. I would first email the text messages transcripts to her family, friends, and then call as many as you can and tell them to look at the email. Then find out if the OM is married get her facebook page or try to find a way to get her a message and expose to the OW. Then confront your wife in person. The more people you can expose to before she has a chance to spin the situation the better. The faster you can do it the better. you want to hit her from so many sides that she has no time to develop a way out.


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## F-102

I like your pans, but i would expose to the POSOM's W/GF first.

Then watch as your STBXW suddenly wants to be the perfect wife all over again when the POSOM throws her under the bus!


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## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> .
> 2. Print out the evidence you gave to the OMW, put it in the center of the bed with your wedding ring, and leave for a day or two. When you. Return, return with D papers if you can, or at least the name of your lawyer.


This here is an idea that i like very much. I feel like confronting her with the proof i have, but then i stop and think would it just be pointless.

I asked a close friend of mine as to what would they do, and they said i can go ahead and confront her with the proof. But they said it could be pointless cause STBXW could just blow it off. 

But SHAGGY i really like that idea. Since im staying here im trying to print out the proof, get divorce papers ready and just leave them out for her when she gets home. 

Then just go dark on her.


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## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> At no point do you directly confront the OM. That will give him an opportunity to lie and lie, and you will gain nothing.
> 
> He's not the winner here. At best he ends up with a confirmed cheater, and frankly they aren't worth anything.


Yes i believe your right, thats why i am thinking long and hard of should i or not. 

The one that made the decision to cheat is my STBXW. And honestly she ain't worth fighting for or over her.


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## life.is.pain

Thor said:


> Who the F cares what her family thinks about you?
> 
> I agree 100% with KanDo. You have no intention of reconciliation, so now you go into D mode. Every move is strategic towards you getting the best outcome for you. Exposure will inflame her, which may cause her to spend all of _your_ assets on lawyers fighting.
> 
> If the goal is to clear your name with your family and friends, just tell them she stepped out of the marriage and you decided to call it quits. Then after the D is finalized you can show them the proof. Don't show anyone the proof unless you want _everyone_ to see it, because it will be leaked.
> 
> In your situation I would just file for D. If she asks you wth is going on, just say "I know the truth", or "You know why".



You are 100% correct THOR, that is how i have been picturing it in mind. To just file for divorce and once she gets served paperwork, yes she is gonna freak out. But like you stated all i have to say is "I know the whole truth " and "You know why"...


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## life.is.pain

badbane said:


> The initial reveal would be best done verbally. I would first email the text messages transcripts to her family, friends, and then call as many as you can and tell them to look at the email. Then find out if the OM is married get her facebook page or try to find a way to get her a message and expose to the OW. Then confront your wife in person. The more people you can expose to before she has a chance to spin the situation the better. The faster you can do it the better. you want to hit her from so many sides that she has no time to develop a way out.


I have been looking on her facebook and trying to find the guy on facebook but he doesn't have a facebook.

Im at odds over should i confront her with the proof that i have. Then i stop and think what is that gonna do to her. She can basically deny it all and just blow it off. 

But then i wanna expose to her so she knows that i know more than she thinks. So i gotta think long and hard about what im gonna do with the proof i have.


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## life.is.pain

F-102 said:


> I like your pans, but i would expose to the POSOM's W/GF first.
> 
> Then watch as your STBXW suddenly wants to be the perfect wife all over again when the POSOM throws her under the bus!


You know that's what runs thru my mind overs and overs. I expose the proof to her and her OM. I feel she's gonna wanna be the perfect wife overnight. 

But as so many that i have read on here. They only change for a bit till they feel things have died down but still continue talking and seeing OM.

Reconciliation at this point is definitely off the table, that ship has sailed.

I offered since last year, up till this year in march before we separated in april. And she always said she was confused that she didn't know what she wanted.

Well now i don't care what she wants cause i don't want her. I just want her to realize that i have felt it all along that she was doing something, as for proof trickled in little by little.


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## life.is.pain

Last night we were having a discussion. She was telling me that she has alot of pressure and stress dealing with the kids alone. That they don't listen or respect her. That she has to deal with all the bills alone now. 

I calmly asked her...."Who made the decision to be where we are at now" ?

Immediately she asks 

"So your saying im to blame for having to deal with them alone, when your their father also"..

I told her "You made this decision"...you decided you wanted to kick me out, you wanted me out so you can start doing whatever you wanted and that way im outta your way.

I asked her again "Why don't you want a divorce from me ?"

Her response was....."Cause you think its easy to just divorce you after all this years"

I told her, ay yea its easy just like its easy for you to be doing other things. She got completely quiet there.

Then she exploded, saying she's struggling financially, she has alot to deal with, can't do it all alone.

I politely told her..."You know what life catches up to all of us. What you do to me now you will eventually pay for it cause life itself will make you pay for it. For what goes around comes around, and you will get yours one day."

From when i moved out April 1st 2013 to when i saw her again sometime at end of april. Believe me she is paying for it now. 

She has lost so much weight its not even funny. I saw her face without makeup and she looks fugly, i mean haggard looking. 

I told her man without make you look old and wasted. She got mad. But ay she wants to criticize me. Its like the saying....

If you wanna dish it out, you better be able to take it also.

Last year i myself lost a lot of weight, i was depressed and stressed. But now i have regained my weight little by little. 

For she has told me many times, that i look like im doing good. That it don't look like im suffering. 

Been there done that, im over it.


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## Rollin

So why haven't you filed yet?


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## badbane

life.is.pain said:


> Last night we were having a discussion. She was telling me that she has alot of pressure and stress dealing with the kids alone. That they don't listen or respect her. That she has to deal with all the bills alone now.
> 
> I calmly asked her...."Who made the decision to be where we are at now" ?
> 
> Immediately she asks
> 
> "So your saying im to blame for having to deal with them alone, when your their father also"..
> 
> I told her "You made this decision"...you decided you wanted to kick me out, you wanted me out so you can start doing whatever you wanted and that way im outta your way.
> 
> I asked her again "Why don't you want a divorce from me ?"
> 
> Her response was....."Cause you think its easy to just divorce you after all this years"
> 
> I told her, ay yea its easy just like its easy for you to be doing other things. She got completely quiet there.
> 
> Then she exploded, saying she's struggling financially, she has alot to deal with, can't do it all alone.
> 
> I politely told her..."You know what life catches up to all of us. What you do to me now you will eventually pay for it cause life itself will make you pay for it. For what goes around comes around, and you will get yours one day."
> 
> From when i moved out April 1st 2013 to when i saw her again sometime at end of april. Believe me she is paying for it now.
> 
> She has lost so much weight its not even funny. I saw her face without makeup and she looks fugly, i mean haggard looking.
> 
> I told her man without make you look old and wasted. She got mad. But ay she wants to criticize me. Its like the saying....
> 
> If you wanna dish it out, you better be able to take it also.
> 
> Last year i myself lost a lot of weight, i was depressed and stressed. But now i have regained my weight little by little.
> 
> For she has told me many times, that i look like im doing good. That it don't look like im suffering.
> 
> Been there done that, im over it.


look exposure doesn't need to be planned to military precision. Yes she will likely start behaving the PERFECT WIFE you just have to realize that she is just trying to go into PR mode. She will try to minimize the damage to her character. You have to thicken your hide and not fall for it.


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## life.is.pain

Rollin said:


> So why haven't you filed yet?



Was looking for a lawyer earlier today, i found one. Gonna set up a free consultation with them.


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## life.is.pain

badbane said:


> look exposure doesn't need to be planned to military precision. Yes she will likely start behaving the PERFECT WIFE you just have to realize that she is just trying to go into PR mode. She will try to minimize the damage to her character. You have to thicken your hide and not fall for it.



So what do you think is gonna happen once i show her proof ? 

The last time she got real mad and called the cops (for what if i didn't lay a hand on her). Lady on other line asked "Did he hit you ?"....she said no....then lady said well we can't do anything.

She gets all dramatic, starts yelling, etc......

So i know that once i show her what i know its gonna hit her like a ton of bricks.

Right now she is acting cold and hard towards me. Even told her last night..."Man you being cold and hard with me for what reason"....

She says.....i ain't doing anything im just sitting here.

I said....yea if i was a new man you'd be all over me, talkative, laughing, etc.

She got mad. Ay truth hurts.


----------



## happyman64

Life

You know what you have to do.

Divorce her. Just pick the right lawyer first.

And if you have the evidence just hold onto it.

You can show it to her family when you are ready.

Maybe you both are to blame for issues on the marriage.

But the cheating is all hers to deal with.

You now know the truth so use it to make the hard decisions.

HM


----------



## life.is.pain

happyman64 said:


> Life
> 
> You know what you have to do.
> 
> Divorce her. Just pick the right lawyer first.
> 
> And if you have the evidence just hold onto it.
> 
> You can show it to her family when you are ready.
> 
> Maybe you both are to blame for issues on the marriage.
> 
> But the cheating is all hers to deal with.
> 
> You now know the truth so use it to make the hard decisions.
> 
> HM



Yes i know whats best.....divorce

yes i know the truth....and she has no idea i know

what im gonna do with it....i don't know, its driving my crazy right now its eating me

she goes on with her day with no care in the world and here i am letting it get to me for knowing the truth now.

feels like i might explode
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

Life is pain,

I know it sucks to be here dealing with this crap.

Only you can decide what is best for you.

All I can offer is this. If I had just spent the better part of a year having my name and reputation blackened and smeared, my sanity and mental stability questioned, and my emotions blatantly manipulated and played with, I WOULD HAVE to expose the entire truth to all parties involved to ever get any sense of justice or self-respect back.

And I would do it immediately. I would not continue to live one single day more under those circumstances once I had proof that my tormenting spouse and a lying POS were the individuals really responsible for the misery and heartbreak the entire family had been through.

Its time THEY faced the music.


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> Life is pain,
> 
> I know it sucks to be here dealing with this crap.
> 
> Only you can decide what is best for you.
> 
> All I can offer is this. If I had just spent the better part of a year having my name and reputation blackened and smeared, my sanity and mental stability questioned, and my emotions blatantly manipulated and played with, I WOULD HAVE to expose the entire truth to all parties involved to ever get any sense of justice or self-respect back.
> 
> And I would do it immediately. I would not continue to live one single day more under those circumstances once I had proof that my tormenting spouse and a lying POS were the individuals really responsible for the misery and heartbreak the entire family had been through.
> 
> Its time THEY faced the music.



Well i almost exploded and was gonna tell her what i know but i didn't. I feel if i would of told her it would of been to soon. 

We were having a discussion and it was hard to hold back telling her what i know. ughhhhh 

All i hear from her is say that she still loves me and i stopped her and told her "Don't tell me you love me, i don't wanna hear that" and she got mad.

How can she say she love's me when look at the bull**** she's doing. Then she started with the crocodile tears, but i didn't pay attention to them. 

She got mad cause she said i had a smirk on my face
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KanDo

I guess you just love to wallow in the misery..... Why would you even engage in conversation with her? You should be doing the full 180 with her, you should have filed already. At least I hope you are carrying a VAR.....


----------



## aug

life.is.pain said:


> She got mad cause she said i had a smirk on my face



Smirk is good.


----------



## aug

KanDo said:


> I guess you just love to wallow in the misery..... Why would you even engage in conversation with her? You should be doing the full 180 with her, you should have filed already. At least I hope you are carrying a VAR.....


I think he waiting till after Fathers Day.


----------



## life.is.pain

KanDo said:


> I guess you just love to wallow in the misery..... Why would you even engage in conversation with her? You should be doing the full 180 with her, you should have filed already. At least I hope you are carrying a VAR.....



I will be filing hopefully soon as i can find a good lawyer. Divorce will be filed without a doubt, jus can't say i will do tomorrow, in a couple days, next week, no i can't say but it will be filed.

Nothing she does or says can change my mind from wanting a divorce.

As for conversating its cause im here for the week and im just trying to be civil. As for talking about our marriage i try to change subject or ignore her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

She can't go ballistic during confrontation and do things like call 911 if you aren't there, and if you've preplanned it.

Talk to the lawyer about how to proactively deal with her making false accusations or seeking a restraining order.


----------



## Shaggy

I would make sure to have a var placed in the house to capture what she says after you aren't there. I'm guessing a call to the OM.


----------



## weightlifter

LIP there IS a way to out her on FB IF you are still "Friends" with her on FB or have a cooperative friend who is friends with her on FB.

Post your proof on YOUR FB. Then TAG her! (your welcome!)

The best revenge is a hotter younger girlfriend... AFTER you file. Do whatever your lawyer says is right as far as timing. Some states it does not matter. Some it matters HUGE. Oddly the more friendly the state is to the betrayed, on average the more strict they are in insisting you wait until the divorce is final. This could mean 18 months of no poon, no dates, nothin!


----------



## lordmayhem

*Re: Re: How to expose with proof.........*



life.is.pain said:


> I will be filing hopefully soon as i can find a good lawyer. Divorce will be filed without a doubt, jus can't say i will do tomorrow, in a couple days, next week, no i can't say but it will be filed.
> 
> Nothing she does or says can change my mind from wanting a divorce.
> 
> As for conversating its cause im here for the week and im just trying to be civil. As for talking about our marriage i try to change subject or ignore her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Understood. Divorce can be a very expensive process. Take your time finding a good lawyer. As we've seen here time and time again, having a good lawyer makes a world of difference.


----------



## life.is.pain

weightlifter said:


> LIP there IS a way to out her on FB IF you are still "Friends" with her on FB or have a cooperative friend who is friends with her on FB.
> 
> Post your proof on YOUR FB. Then TAG her! (your welcome!)
> 
> The best revenge is a hotter younger girlfriend... AFTER you file. Do whatever your lawyer says is right as far as timing. Some states it does not matter. Some it matters HUGE. Oddly the more friendly the state is to the betrayed, on average the more strict they are in insisting you wait until the divorce is final. This could mean 18 months of no poon, no dates, nothin!



I don't have a FB never been into it.

Im in texas so waiting period is 60 days once divorce is filed. 

Best revenge is filing and moving on with my life. 

I feel she doesn't believe that we will get divorced. I look at her and she ain't who i met 18 yrs ago. She is a totally changed person. She doesn't want a divorce she says, well its not what she wants anymore. Its whats best at this point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

lordmayhem said:


> Understood. Divorce can be a very expensive process. Take your time finding a good lawyer. As we've seen here time and time again, having a good lawyer makes a world of difference.



Thats the biggest issue i think about. Divorcing is expensive especially when kids are involved. 

I have had friends say....Its cheaper to keep her !!!

But i rather pay now to divorce than live in misery for more years to come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Maybe a friend with FB who is cooperative. Just sayin. I wouldnt log into her FB to do this. You never know what legal poo you can get into.


----------



## Shaggy

You can always earn more money,

You can't earn a second life, so spend the only one you have wisely.


----------



## dgtal

just curiosity. is she having a PA with the OM? for how long? 
I would personaly expose to the POSOM Wife as of yesterday before he destroy another family
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> You can always earn more money,
> 
> You can't earn a second life, so spend the only one you have wisely.



yes SHAGGY you are correct, i can always make more money for money comes and goes. But i won't be able to live again, so yes i have to live my life wisely.

great statement you made
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

dgtal said:


> just curiosity. is she having a PA with the OM? for how long?
> I would personaly expose to the POSOM Wife as of yesterday before he destroy another family
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



From the proof i have found now, i know she has been seeing and talking to him for a year now or who knows when it really started. Butbfrom all the evidence i have gathered its been at least a year.

I don' know if that OM is married or has a girlfriend. 

I know his name, his address and phone number. He doesn't have a facebook and i always check STBXW facebook and he ain't on there and no messages to him on facebook.

So me only knowing his name, address and phone number how can i expose that. I don' want to go to his house cause he could be a punk ass and call the cops and right now im on probation.

Its at the tip of my tongue when i conversate with STBXW, that i know what she is and has been doing. But if i tell her what i know, all she is gonna do is warn the POSOM that i know.

So if i expose i have to expose to him first. Either giving him a call, going to his front door (don't wanna do it cause of cops), or how else can i expose.

Im not looking for reconciliation, im looking to expose for my own to get it off my chest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## F-102

life.is.pain said:


> Last night we were having a discussion. She was telling me that she has alot of pressure and stress dealing with the kids alone. That they don't listen or respect her. That she has to deal with all the bills alone now.
> 
> I calmly asked her...."Who made the decision to be where we are at now" ?
> 
> Immediately she asks
> 
> "So your saying im to blame for having to deal with them alone, when your their father also"..
> 
> I told her "You made this decision"...you decided you wanted to kick me out, you wanted me out so you can start doing whatever you wanted and that way im outta your way.
> 
> I asked her again "Why don't you want a divorce from me ?"
> 
> Her response was....."Cause you think its easy to just divorce you after all this years"
> 
> I told her, ay yea its easy just like its easy for you to be doing other things. She got completely quiet there.
> 
> Then she exploded, saying she's struggling financially, she has alot to deal with, can't do it all alone.
> 
> I politely told her..."You know what life catches up to all of us. What you do to me now you will eventually pay for it cause life itself will make you pay for it. For what goes around comes around, and you will get yours one day."
> 
> From when i moved out April 1st 2013 to when i saw her again sometime at end of april. Believe me she is paying for it now.
> 
> She has lost so much weight its not even funny. I saw her face without makeup and she looks fugly, i mean haggard looking.
> 
> I told her man without make you look old and wasted. She got mad. But ay she wants to criticize me. Its like the saying....
> 
> If you wanna dish it out, you better be able to take it also.
> 
> Last year i myself lost a lot of weight, i was depressed and stressed. But now i have regained my weight little by little.
> 
> For she has told me many times, that i look like im doing good. That it don't look like im suffering.
> 
> Been there done that, im over it.


Sounds like she is MEGA P*SSED OFF that she is suffering and you aren't.


----------



## Squeakr

I wouldn't say that he doesn't have a FB, just that there isn't one in his name. I am in IT and so growing to hate tech each and every day as it just enables a new crowd. My Aunt was showing my Mom some entries on her FB and was showing pics of her Grandchild posted on her daughters account. My Mom commented about whom x was as that was not the daughters name. My Aunt went on to explain that is how all the kids do it these days. They use an assumed (aka fake) name to create their accounts so that when they do something stupid, it can't be searched by a current or future employer, found, and be used against them. Just cause you don't see his name doesn't mean he hasn't opened one under an assumed girl's name or completely different name (and don't get me started on all of the social networking apps that allow texting and message/ picture exchange behind the scenes). They are all just facilitating affairs and making them that much easier.


----------



## warlock07

Make sure you tell her father too.


----------



## life.is.pain

F-102 said:


> Sounds like she is MEGA P*SSED OFF that she is suffering and you aren't.


Yes she does have a serious pissed off look on her lately, she has been gettting mad at kids over nothing. Like taking her anger out on them. 

She talks to me sarcastically but if i do it to her she doean't like it and starts to raise her voice, so i give her a smirk cause i know it will irritate her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Squeakr said:


> I wouldn't say that he doesn't have a FB, just that there isn't one in his name. I am in IT and so growing to hate tech each and every day as it just enables a new crowd. My Aunt was showing my Mom some entries on her FB and was showing pics of her Grandchild posted on her daughters account. My Mom commented about whom x was as that was not the daughters name. My Aunt went on to explain that is how all the kids do it these days. They use an assumed (aka fake) name to create their accounts so that when they do something stupid, it can't be searched by a current or future employer, found, and be used against them. Just cause you don't see his name doesn't mean he hasn't opened one under an assumed girl's name or completely different name (and don't get me started on all of the social networking apps that allow texting and message/ picture exchange behind the scenes). They are all just facilitating affairs and making them that much easier.



I hear you loud and clear. I know the game inside out. Im very tech savy and STBXW isn't. 

Yes he could have an account under another name, but i have looked thru her facebook and nothing suspicious.

But yes i know what apps exist, etc. I also know theres many ways to hide stuff, to text without using your own phone number, etc.

But honestly all i have to do is sit back let her talk and she will eventually blurt stuff out that she thinks i didn't know about (i already know more than she thinks and everyday i know even more ahead of time)

So when she says something i piece it together in my mind with other stuff i found out myself and it adds up. 

She is not a very good liar.....yes ya'll might say well she's been seeing this dude for a while now, butbi always had my suspicions and i confronted her before. She denied, i dropped it cause not enough proof. But now its different i have more proof than before.

I just dont feel ready to show all my cards, cause i feel if i show to early she will come outbon top.

I hate this but i have to be patient, when i feel time is right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

warlock07 said:


> Make sure you tell her father too.



Thw problem is her father has been outta the country since January with no intentions of returning anytime soon. And i don' have a contact # for him, only she has it but she won' let me have it.

He called sunday and she talked to him, didn' let me talk to him or nothing. She knows what he would say so right now it works for herbthat he isn't here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TRy

life.is.pain said:


> So if i expose i have to expose to him first. Either giving him a call, going to his front door (don't wanna do it cause of cops), or how else can i expose.


 Actually he and your wife are the last people that you tip your hand to. Once either one knows, they will tell the other, so in fact you usually want to confront your spouse before him to see her reaction. Also, he and your wife already know of the affair, so it is not really called exposure when you tell them. Exposure by definition is exposing that there is an affair to other people that do not know of the affair, and you want to do this before the cheaters have a chance to put a lying spin on it that makes you look bad. 

Unless for some reason it makes sense to expose to work first (if he is her boss and he does not own the company), the first person that you want to expose it to is the other man's significant other. Then you want to expose to family and friends. Then to your wife. Many never ever talk to the other man.


----------



## arbitrator

life.is.pain said:


> I do have the proof. No way she can deny it anymore.
> 
> I wanna call him and then pay him a visit. Nothing violent though. No woman is worth fighting over. I just need justification for my kids is all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Life: Seems that you have your "ducks in a row" and are ready to proceed. Before confronting her OM though, and as a fellow Texan, I would highly advise you to let your attorney go through what evidence that you now have just to make sure that it was legally procured. Let him make that call!

Secondly, get your attorneys blessing on "the confrontation." I say that because "a-confrontation-gone-bad" could well destroy the integrity of your case against her.

Lastly, be careful about confrontations in general. More often than not, they'll occur with little to no problems. But the two areas I would caution you about is that having a bad confrontation could bring physical harm to you, him, or to the both of you!

I would just continue to accumulate as much evidence as you can and turn it over to your attorney for his edification. He'll give you the proper advice on how to handle this!

Sorry that you're joining a host of us here at TAM in going through this very same thing, but we're all here to give you the common-sense assistance that you so direly need!


----------



## life.is.pain

arbitrator said:


> Life: Seems that you have your "ducks in a row" and are ready to proceed. Before confronting her OM though, and as a fellow Texan, I would highly advise you to let your attorney go through what evidence that you now have just to make sure that it was legally procured. Let him make that call!
> 
> Secondly, get your attorneys blessing on "the confrontation." I say that because "a-confrontation-gone-bad" could well destroy the integrity of your case against her.
> 
> Lastly, be careful about confrontations in general. More often than not, they'll occur with little to no problems. But the two areas I would caution you about is that having a bad confrontation could bring physical harm to you, him, or to the both of you!
> 
> I would just continue to accumulate as much evidence as you can and turn it over to your attorney for his edification. He'll give you the proper advice on how to handle this!
> 
> Sorry that you're joining a host of us here at TAM in going through this very same thing, but we're all here to give you the common-sense assistance that you so direly need!



Well i won't be able to hire a lawyer till july or august. And i was thinking to myself should i just stay quiet about what i know about whats going on and just let her get surprised by divorce filing.

But i also wonder, if i stay quiet, its like allowing it to continue right in my face cause i know. Its like im a dumbass, a chump, a doormat, etc.

If i had the money right now i would of filed since yesterday cause thats all that runs through my mind.....I want a divorce from her and let her be his problem now. For if she did this to me he won't be any different she will do to him also.

What to do.....

Do i tell her what i know, do i tell him first before her what i know, or just let it keep going and wait till i file divorce then just have her served.

Many of ya'll have more experience so please tell me whats best.

Do i tell her what i know ?

Do i call him or pay him a visit ?

Or do i just stay quiet and let it keep happening until i can just file for divorce and thats the end of the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Well just did SPOKEO on the numbers in her call log i found. And seems now i know why she always in the area i suspected. 

Seems she not just talking to that one guy, she talking to a couple other guys. All around the area now that she hangs out at. 

More solid proof found. 

Not bothering me like i guess it should, feeling numb to all this now. 

I had a somewhat feeling she probably talking to different other one's cause she started going out to bars after i moved out the last 2 months.

Only thing that bothers me is cause of my kids, i know she left them alone when she was out and about and not coming home till next day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

I think you need to blow her Fantasyland up ASAP.

Tell her the divorce is coming when you have the money for an attorney. In the meantime file legal separation papers IMMEDIATELY so she can't screw you financially at all through her foolish decisions.

Expose fully to both your families.

You can always get a PI later to track down the SO's of these scumbags who thought it was OK to screw up your family life.

Blow her fantasy world up first and right now.

Time for her to start scrambling to react to your ACTIONS.


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> I think you need to blow her Fantasyland up ASAP.
> 
> Tell her the divorce is coming when you have the money for an attorney. In the meantime file legal separation papers IMMEDIATELY so she can't screw you financially at all through her foolish decisions.
> 
> Expose fully to both your families.
> 
> You can always get a PI later to track down the SO's of these scumbags who thought it was OK to screw up your family life.
> 
> Blow her fantasy world up first and right now.
> 
> Time for her to start scrambling to react to your ACTIONS.



Well i finally confronted her with the proof. Finally felt it was time since she wanted to treat me like crap when i ain't doing nothing to her.

Called her over to the room and said "look.....you think i don't know what you have been doing"

Proof right in her face.....

All she said was...."i want you to leave, im calling the cops"

I said call them, what they gonna do, i didn't put my hands on you, so call them all you want.

She kept following me around, telling me to hurry up and leave.

Told her i am leaving, im getting my things.

Kept saying she gonna call cops...then said she gonna call her cousin to take me out....hahahaha.....i said call him and lets see what happens.

Told her im filing for divorce, that i had a lawyer lined up already to go. Told her im gonna fight for whats fair for me.

She got mad and said...."Do what makes you feel good"

I said i am....im gonna divorce a liar, a cheater, a woman that is worthless.

She got mad and kept threatening to call cops....

Ahhhh.....finally got off my chest.

Oh....i also called POSOM, he answered and he didn't know what to say.....

Told him yea i knew you were a punk ass b*tch.....

Did i do good.....who knows....it was eating me inside so she pushed me and i just showed her all.

Well its done now confronting her.

What's next ????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

Post the OM on cheaterville.com

Carry a var on you at all times an record her threats.


----------



## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> Post the OM on cheaterville.com
> 
> Carry a var on you at all times an record her threats.



I feel like exposing her on her facebook, cause she has all her family and friends on there. 

And i know if i post it on her facebook it will spread like wildfire. 

Even her family in other countries and states will see who she really is.

And her dad thats outta the country will also i was 100% correct.

Should i expose on her facebook or no ????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

life.is.pain said:


> Well i finally confronted her with the proof. Finally felt it was time since she wanted to treat me like crap when i ain't doing nothing to her.
> 
> Called her over to the room and said "look.....you think i don't know what you have been doing"
> 
> Proof right in her face.....
> 
> All she said was...."i want you to leave, im calling the cops"
> 
> I said call them, what they gonna do, i didn't put my hands on you, so call them all you want.
> 
> She kept following me around, telling me to hurry up and leave.
> 
> Told her i am leaving, im getting my things.
> 
> Kept saying she gonna call cops...then said she gonna call her cousin to take me out....hahahaha.....i said call him and lets see what happens.
> 
> Told her im filing for divorce, that i had a lawyer lined up already to go. Told her im gonna fight for whats fair for me.
> 
> She got mad and said...."Do what makes you feel good"
> 
> I said i am....im gonna divorce a liar, a cheater, a woman that is worthless.
> 
> She got mad and kept threatening to call cops....
> 
> Ahhhh.....finally got off my chest.
> 
> Oh....i also called POSOM, he answered and he didn't know what to say.....
> 
> Told him yea i knew you were a punk ass b*tch.....
> 
> Did i do good.....who knows....it was eating me inside so she pushed me and i just showed her all.
> 
> Well its done now confronting her.
> 
> What's next ????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why did you leave? She could go to her new boyfriends no?


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Why did you leave? She could go to her new boyfriends no?



I left cause we have been staying with her dad the last 2 yrs. And since her dad is outta country since january will she feels she's the queen at his house.

And well i have no rights there, so i have to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

life.is.pain said:


> I feel like exposing her on her facebook, cause she has all her family and friends on there.
> 
> And i know if i post it on her facebook it will spread like wildfire.
> 
> Even her family in other countries and states will see who she really is.
> 
> And her dad thats outta the country will also i was 100% correct.
> 
> Should i expose on her facebook or no ????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was marking time making excuses with you planning on leaving you behind your back so I vote post her on FB. You have the momentum in your favor, do it. Any issues with posting the texts?


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> She was marking time making excuses with you planning on leaving you behind your back so I vote post her on FB. You have the momentum in your favor, do it. Any issues with posting the texts?



The thing is im gonna expose her on her facebook cause i have her email and password to login.

But do you think i might get in trouble for that.

I have pics of her call logs, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

life.is.pain said:


> The thing is im gonna expose her on her facebook cause i have her email and password to login.
> 
> But do you think i might get in trouble for that.
> 
> I have pics of her call logs, etc.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Create your own FB account. Collect all her Facebook friends using her id/passwd and message them all from your account. Send out friend invitations to all her FB contacts. Do not reveal you have her id/passwd. Anyone asks how you got her friends list just say many friends and family leave FB wide open for the world to see. Post the texts you have on your home page. 

Others on TAM might not agree so I would wait for a consensus.


----------



## Shaggy

Don't use her account. Just don't.

Use a new fb account as suggested. Tag her in s photo and post the evidence there.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Take screen shots of all the friends list in case she changes password while your are messaging everyone. She will learn real fast what you are up to because her phone/email will explode.


----------



## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> Don't use her account. Just don't.
> 
> Use a new fb account as suggested. Tag her in s photo and post the evidence there.


So you don't think its ok to use her facebook, when she has everyone on it. Thats the fastest way everyone wil know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Take screen shots of all the friends list in case she changes password while your are messaging everyone. She will learn real fast what you are up to because her phone/email will explode.



Im tempted to post on her facebook. Cause yes her email and phone are gonna blow up with people asking all kinds of questions. 
a 
But i don't wanna get in trouble for using her facebook. But then again we are stil married.

I gotta think it through right before i act.

But i believe its best way to reach everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Using her account can be a grey area. Better to play it safe. You also tip your hand using her account...

It takes one minute to create your own FB account. Right now you can be collecting screen shots of all her friends, That takes 5 - 10 minutes. Then blast away messaging one by one, from most significant relative to least significant friend. You will find it therapeutic.


----------



## Shaggy

Do not use her account.

First it will tell her you know her password,

Second it's hacking and not cool.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Save the password/email knowledge for later, like just before serving her divorce papers when you don't give a damn anymore. Then you can flood FB again. She gave you her password remember? If she denies that, well that is just her pattern of lies and deceit while she was lying about her affair. She does not recall what lies she told who...


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

It is not unusual fir a wife to share her password with her husband...


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## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Using her account can be a grey area. Better to play it safe. You also tip your hand using her account...
> 
> It takes one minute to create your own FB account. Right now you can be collecting screen shots of all her friends, That takes 5 - 10 minutes. Then blast away messaging one by one, from most significant relative to least significant friend. You will find it therapeutic.



To message each individually is alot of work, and don't they gotta be my friend first.

Cause i was thinking of updating her status, like if she posted admitting to being a cheater....hahaha

If not at least i already confronted her and showed her proof, to which she didn't deny. She just said for me to leave. 

Told me to leave cause she is busted !!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> Do not use her account.
> 
> First it will tell her you know her password,
> 
> Second it's hacking and not cool.



You are corect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

life.is.pain said:


> To message she individually is alot of work, and don't they gotta be my friend first.
> 
> Cause i was thinking of updating her status, like if she posted admitting to being a cheater....hahaha
> 
> If not at least i already confronted her and showed her proof, to which she didn't deny. She just said for me to leave.
> 
> Told me to leave cause she is busted !!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it is alot of work. Stay up all night doing it now and call in sick to work tomorrow. Tell your boss your wife is having an affair and you need a day off. 

You can message just about anyone on FB w/o being friends. Like 99% of FB users have not blocked messaging from non friends. 

Using her account exposes you to possible legal issues that you cannot get advice anywhere on at this hour in USA.

Create your own FB page and keep your status as soon to be single as your wife cheated. Trust me, it will create a buzz.


----------



## Dyokemm

Good for you!

Yes, set up your own facebook and post there.

Don't use hers. She will probably use that against you as a justification for why she had to cheat on such a horrible husband who can't even allow her any privacy.

Some people would be stupid enough to sympathize with her over your 'violation' of her privacy.


----------



## weightlifter

You probably have friends that are friends with her on FB. Just use theirs with their permission then TAG her. It shows up on her wall with NO hacking needed.


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## life.is.pain

weightlifter said:


> You probably have friends that are friends with her on FB. Just use theirs with their permission then TAG her. It shows up on her wall with NO hacking needed.



Been thinking all night till now and i think its a waste of time to expose to her family.

Her moms side of the family i know will condone her cheating. For now she hangs out over there with more than she ever used to. Thats who she started going out to the bars and clubs to, since all they do is drink.

Her dads side of the family won't approve of what she's doing, but will only blow it off. Cause they have always believed her to be so innocent not capable of ever doing wrong.

Besides they will probably make me out to be crazy or a stalker.

STBXW callex me a STALKER last night when i showed her all the proof i had.

All the proof i have and found was there sitting in ths open for the taking.

I will just file for divorce as soon as i can. Thats all i can do now.

But now stbxw knows that she is busted thats why she never denied it at all.

Just told me to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

You have children with her?


----------



## workindad

You will be better off without her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> You have children with her?



yes we have 2 kids.....a 14 yr old daughter, which i told her last night in front of her mom what her mom has been doing.

Then we have our 5 yr old son.

They do not listen to her or respect her at all. And she blames me for that. But its not my fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

workindad said:


> You will be better off without her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes i know i will be better off without her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Since you have kids I think you should expose on FB. No venom, just a set matter of fact statements. She has been cheating on you with guy named X and has been plotting with him to leave you without you knowing the true reason. You uncovered the deceptions through all the texts she left on the family computer and are now filing for divorce. State the reason you are letting everyone know is so they are aware when X shows up at family gatherings just what kind of low down POS he is going along in breaking up a family. 

If her folks whine that you are crying over spilled milk... Who cares that they whine? You are just protecting your family (two children) in that everyone in your children's mother's family is aware exactly why you are divorcing.


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Since you have kids I think you should expose on FB. No venom, just a set matter of fact statements. She has been cheating on you with guy named X and has been plotting with him to leave you without you knowing the true reason. You uncovered the deceptions through all the texts she left on the family computer and are now filing for divorce. State the reason you are letting everyone know is so they are aware when X shows up at family gatherings just what kind of low down POS he is going along in breaking up a family.
> 
> If her folks whine that you are crying over spilled milk... Who cares that they whine? You are just protecting your family (two children) in that everyone in your children's mother's family is aware exactly why you are divorcing.



I hear what your saying. But the more i sit and think about it, i feel it would just be a waste of time to expose to her family. 

Its like the saying...."Goes in one ear and out the other"

Besides her family stands behind her for everything since she knows how to play the victim in front of them to get what she wants.

Once we divorce, in due time at one point or another truth always reveals itself. So i will divorce and just let life deal with her on its own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

After last nights commotion with her. Her threatening to call cops cause i wasn't moving to fast for her when i was gathering my things. And other things she has done.

I will not now or later ever try reconciliation with her. 

She has shown me her true colors after almost 20 yrs together. 

Her time will come on its own. Im done with her. Now she is gonna be someone elses problem to deal with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LostViking

You cannot argue with a person who has no integrity or conscience. 

Do a 180 now and quit talking to her.


----------



## Thor

VAR. You must have a VAR on you whenever you are near her or might run into her. She has already threatened to make some kind of false statement to the police, and you should be prepared in case she actually does.


----------



## Dyokemm

Well if you can live with being painted as the bad guy here and her playing the role of the innocent victim to her family, they do not expose.

Ultimately, its about what you want and what you can live with tolerate.

Exposure should be for YOUR sense of justice and peace of mind. Who cares what she or her family think? 

Yes, they will probably never admit or acknowledge. But do you really need validation from them?

They will know in their own hearts that they are hypocritical liars/enablers, or that they helped destroy their cousin's M. But ultimately, who cares about how they process their disconnect from rational thought and reality.

Neutral observers will see the truth and HOW THEY continue to lie. They will look like fools to anyone outside their family circle if they try to bad mouth you further.

But if you can live with being painted as the villain by her and her family to anyone they interact with, and all you care about is physically separating yourself from her, then you don't need to expose.

Do what YOU want.


----------



## arbitrator

Dyokemm said:


> *Well if you can live with being painted as the bad guy here and her playing the role of the innocent victim to her family...*
> 
> 
> *Exposure should be for YOUR sense of justice and peace of mind. Who cares what she or her family think?
> 
> Yes, they will probably never admit or acknowledge. But do you really need validation from them?*, or that they helped destroy their cousin's M. But ultimately, who cares about how they process their disconnect from rational thought and reality.
> 
> *Neutral observers will see the truth and HOW THEY continue to lie. They will look like fools to anyone outside their family circle if they try to bad mouth you further*.
> 
> *But if you can live with being painted as the villain by her and her family to anyone they interact with...*


I'm quite sure that my STBXW's family members have been treated to a version of a story that greatly makes me out to be "the man in the black hat." But after they see the independent, unbiased physical evidence for themselves, that it was, indeed, their own family member who was the one who was unfaithful, they'll probably never get around to ever telling me that they're sorry, nor even offer to apologize, but they'll richly come to see her as not only being the true cheater in their midst, but more notably just as being a liar of unheralded proportions!

And after the D, when she starts to bringing "Lil' Lord Lardass" around the family, I would greatly think that they would avoid him, much like a flaring case of terminal clap!

If not, then they are even more shallow than I'd ever give them credit for!


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> Well if you can live with being painted as the bad guy here and her playing the role of the innocent victim to her family, they do not expose.
> 
> Ultimately, its about what you want and what you can live with tolerate.
> 
> Exposure should be for YOUR sense of justice and peace of mind. Who cares what she or her family think?
> 
> Yes, they will probably never admit or acknowledge. But do you really need validation from them?
> 
> They will know in their own hearts that they are hypocritical liars/enablers, or that they helped destroy their cousin's M. But ultimately, who cares about how they process their disconnect from rational thought and reality.
> 
> Neutral observers will see the truth and HOW THEY continue to lie. They will look like fools to anyone outside their family circle if they try to bad mouth you further.
> 
> But if you can live with being painted as the villain by her and her family to anyone they interact with, and all you care about is physically separating yourself from her, then you don't need to expose.
> 
> Do what YOU want.



It's not so much i care what people think about me, especially her family and friends. For i have never hidden who i am or how i am.

Her family has always respected me cause i don't put a front of who i am. 

But im at a crossroads, undecided if it's worth exposing to her family or not.

Like i said last night STBXW called me a stalker cause of everything i know.

But i honestly don't have to look hard and deep for proof, for basically she leaves things out in the open for the picking. 

Just like on her facebook all her cousins tag her when they at bars or out drinking somewhere. Makes me think...."well who's watching my kids if she out and about late at night"

Seems 14 yr old daughter has to watch herself and her brother (my 5 yr old son) while mom is out partying up.

Or she will make up a lie that she has to work overnight so she can go out.

I know more than STBXW thinks i know. And i have to decide if i file for divorce to take full custody of my kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

arbitrator said:


> I'm quite sure that my STBXW's family members have been treated to a version of a story that greatly makes me out to be "the man in the black hat." But after they see the independent, unbiased physical evidence for themselves, that it was, indeed, their own family member who was the one who was unfaithful, they'll probably never get around to ever telling me that they're sorry, nor even offer to apologize, but they'll richly come to see her as not only being the true cheater in their midst, but more notably just as being a liar of unheralded proportions!
> 
> And after the D, when she starts to bringing "Lil' Lord Lardass" around the family, I would greatly think that they would avoid him, much like a flaring case of terminal clap!
> 
> If not, then they are even more shallow than I'd ever give them credit for!



I know that if i do decide to expose to her family, they gonna know deep down who she is for reals but they could act blind. Cause they have always acted like they are perfect families, just cause they go to church.

Especially since STBXW's dad is a deacon at the church they all attend. 

Its a f*cked up situation that i wanna get out of now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug

life.is.pain said:


> I know that if i do decide to expose to her family, they gonna know deep down who she is for reals but they could act blind. Cause they have always acted like they are perfect families, just cause they go to church.
> 
> Especially since STBXW's dad is a deacon at the church they all attend.
> 
> Its a f*cked up situation that i wanna get out of now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Expose away.

Why help them hide under a rock? 

Post her and her OM onto cheaterville.


----------



## Dyokemm

Why is it that cheaters are always so offended at having their 'privacy' violated, and ready with terms like 'stalker', for a BS who is simply trying to figure out what is going on in their life and relationship.

I don't know a single individual in the world who would not seek out information about ANY situation that was screwing up their day to day lives, much less trying to determine if their relationship is already dead.

This is the equivalent of getting mad at the police for investigating a break in at your house.

Of course people seek out info to make decisions about what they need to do in life!

Maybe if they weren't such scummy, cheating, pieces of trash they wouldn't need to be concerned about their d**n secrets.

Sorry for the rant. Needed to get that out. 

This type of reaction by WS really ticks me off.


----------



## life.is.pain

aug said:


> Expose away.
> 
> Why help them hide under a rock?
> 
> Post her and her OM onto cheaterville.



True true......just gotta think it thru how to do it.....i did call POSOM last night as i was leaving her dads house.....the punk ass didn't know what to say, he would stay quiet.....so i told him i knew he wssn't sh*t.....he probably contacted her afterwards and she probably downplayed it.

But at same time i feel they fantasy land gonna crumble now.....ahould hit her as time goes by.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> Why is it that cheaters are always so offended at having their 'privacy' violated, and ready with terms like 'stalker', for a BS who is simply trying to figure out what is going on in their life and relationship.
> 
> I don't know a single individual in the world who would not seek out information about ANY situation that was screwing up their day to day lives, much less trying to determine if their relationship is already dead.
> 
> This is the equivalent of getting mad at the police for investigating a break in at your house.
> 
> Of course people seek out info to make decisions about what they need to do in life!
> 
> Maybe if they weren't such scummy, cheating, pieces of trash they wouldn't need to be concerned about their d**n secrets.
> 
> Sorry for the rant. Needed to get that out.
> 
> This type of reaction by WS really ticks me off.



Well one of my friends said its not stalking cause we are married and im just trying to find out whats going on. But since she didnt think i knew anything and she is really busted, she got mad.

She is trying to justify her actions, by blaming me now.

She told me before i left...."i don't want anything to do with you ever again"....hahaha

Yea right.....i bet in due time she gonna wanna contact me again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

Yeah right, she doesn't want anything to do with you ever again...LOL

But just a couple days ago you were sharing how she was all emotional and not wanting to divorce, couldn't understand why you were pushing one.

What has changed?

You exposed her lying, two-timing behind!

Her new attitude is nothing more than the pain and shame of being exposed for what she is.

I think after the initial shock wears off, she will be right back to not wanting a divorce and wanting to keep you, only she will be more desperate and manipulative than before.

She's not giving up her cake without a fight.


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> Yeah right, she doesn't want anything to do with you ever again...LOL
> 
> But just a couple days ago you were sharing how she was all emotional and not wanting to divorce, couldn't understand why you were pushing one.
> 
> What has changed?
> 
> You exposed her lying, two-timing behind!
> 
> Her new attitude is nothing more than the pain and shame of being exposed for what she is.
> 
> I think after the initial shock wears off, she will be right back to not wanting a divorce and wanting to keep you, only she will be more desperate and manipulative than before.
> 
> She's not giving up her cake without a fight.



Exactly, last week she was saying she doesn't want to divorce and wonders why im pushing for a divorce. Even yesterday before i showed her the proof she had said again its not easy letting me go.

But after i confront her with proof she then says...."She hates me and never wants anything with me ever again"....yea ok we will see.....she is gonna end up eating her words.

And yes she said all that crap cause she was mad and full of emotions cause she was busted. She is mad cause she didn't think i would know anything, but i know way more than she thinks.

Once she calms down, starts thinking of things she's gonna wanna contact me cause like she said earlier that day yesterday im her firstblove. We are high school sweethearts.

She says that she misses me and hurts deep down inside but doesn't want to admit it. Yea ok gotcha.

Im just going dark. I will watch from way up above as her world crumbles slowly.

Got this quote from another thread i read...."Pretty typical for cheating wives...they end up looking like a heroin-addicted hooker."

I told her that she has lost alot of weight, her face is haggard looking but covers it up with makeup.

She did it to herself.

She also told me yesterday that she is struggling financially....i told her to manage her money better by stopping from partying. She said she don't do nothing but be home with kids being a single parent right now....hahaha....bunch of bull cause on facebook she is tagged being at bars with her enabling cousins.

All she says makes me laugh cause i know the whole truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

life.is.pain said:


> True true......just gotta think it thru how to do it.....i did call POSOM last night as i was leaving her dads house.....the punk ass didn't know what to say, he would stay quiet.....so i told him i knew he wssn't sh*t.....he probably contacted her afterwards and she probably downplayed it.
> 
> But at same time i feel they fantasy land gonna crumble now.....ahould hit her as time goes by.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Contacting the OM like this is a total waste of time.

Wanna cause him grief, put him on cheaterville

Send the link to your wife.


----------



## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> Contacting the OM like this is a total waste of time.
> 
> Wanna cause him grief, put him on cheaterville
> 
> Send the link to your wife.



What can i post on cheaterville about him 

I don't know what he looks like (no pic), only have his name, his phone number (which he can change at anytime), he has no facebook, i have 2 addresses for him (don't know which one he lives at).

One address i found in an email reciept from best buy in STBXW's email account with his name and address of where item was gonna be delivered.

Second address i found via SPOKEO, which shows an area of town she has been spending more time at recently.

So what can i put on cheaterville about him ???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Squeakr

You can put what you know. At least the name and the city, state. Then you can add in that he was involved with your STBXW. Give the truthful details you know. That should be enough for now (can always be amended later if more truth is revealed). The name and connection with your wife would be enough to out him in most circles.


----------



## Shaggy

Put what you know.

You know his city, his name, phone, at least one old address.


----------



## life.is.pain

Should include information about my stbxw in it ??

Like her name, a pic of her, etc......???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BK23

life.is.pain said:


> Should include information about my stbxw in it ??
> 
> Like her name, a pic of her, etc......???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She deserves her own entry!


----------



## LostViking

life.is.pain said:


> .....But after i confront her with proof she then says...."She hates me and never wants anything with me ever again"....yea ok we will see.....she is gonna end up eating her words.
> 
> 
> ...She also told me yesterday that she is struggling financially....i told her to manage her money better by stopping from partying. *She said she don't do nothing but be home with kids being a single parent right now....hahaha....bunch of bull cause on facebook she is tagged being at bars with her enabling cousins.*
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How old is your wife? Sixteen? 

She sounds like she is extremely immature.


----------



## Calibre12

life.is.pain said:


> What can i post on cheaterville about him
> 
> I don't know what he looks like (no pic), only have his name, his phone number (which he can change at anytime), he has no facebook, i have 2 addresses for him (don't know which one he lives at).
> 
> One address i found in an email reciept from best buy in STBXW's email account with his name and address of where item was gonna be delivered.
> 
> Second address i found via SPOKEO, which shows an area of town she has been spending more time at recently.
> 
> So what can i put on cheaterville about him ???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Check pipl.com for a picture. Or if you get his wife's/gf's name, check her FB for him & his pics. Or take one yourself from a distance. Don't state your wife's name in the cheaterville post (for the children's sakes), use "my wife" or STBXW.


----------



## life.is.pain

LostViking said:


> How old is your wife? Sixteen?
> 
> She sounds like she is extremely immature.



Stbxw is 35 yrs old, she is acting like she is 21 yrs old. All of a sudden her way of dress has changed to something she never used to wear. Lots and lots and lots of makeup.

Her whole personality has changed, how she talks like a teenager, how she acts trying to get looks from other men. She needs so much validation i guess. Its gotten pathetic to me now.

Point of it is, the way she looks now, to me she looks like a total f*ckin ****.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

LostViking said:


> How old is your wife? Sixteen?
> 
> She sounds like she is extremely immature.



You could say she has entitlement issues. Thinks the whole world revolves around her and only she hurts, no one elses suffers or hurts more than her. 

Even daughter told her to get overself cause the world ain't just about her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LostViking

life.is.pain said:


> You could say she has entitlement issues. Thinks the whole world revolves around her and only she hurts, no one elses suffers or hurts more than her.
> 
> Even daughter told her to get overself cause the world ain't just about her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm amazed at how some men and women hit a certain age and then...WHAMMO! They undergo a reversion... a de-evolution of sorts. 

I'm no psychology buff, but it is sort of fscinating in a macbre way. I'm just sorry you are feeling the brunt of it OP.


----------



## Squeakr

life.is.pain said:


> Should include information about my stbxw in it ??
> 
> Like her name, a pic of her, etc......???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would, so that people within that circle will know and it would be harder for either of them to deny it.

Agreed in that she deserves her own entry as well (and cite him as a reference in her entry as well).


----------



## life.is.pain

Just had a long talk with stbxw, and man she goes in circles alot its frustrating and annoying. 

We talk about one thing then switches it around to something else. Then she starts talking really negative about our entire marriage years. Plays the victim card to the extremes and crocodile tears. 
She then switches to blaming me for every entire thing wrong in the marriage, about the kids and her entire family. Seems she see's no faults at all within herself, man she must be a perfect person.

Says she is 50/50 on divorce, that she can't make a decision anytime soon (no need i already decided to file as soon as i can). Says it not an easy decision. That she not type of person to hurt people.....hahaha....so what does her cheating constitute.

She then said she don't want to make a decision like that to divorce....(just wants another reason to put more blame on me, whats new i can take it now)

She said that maybe she needs to talk to a therapist or counselor to make a informed decision cause she has alot to get off her shoulders. 

I said no sh*t you need counseling cause your screwed up in the head (haha....just thought that to myself didn't tell her that)

As we were talking i would look at her straight in her face, and i just see a blank stare back at me. No emotion, no remorse, no guilt, no care in the world, jus a blank angry look. She nevered look that way before. 

Its a look of a completely lost and confused woman. 

She said she had a talk with our daughter about if we ever got divorced. That she wouldn't be a b*tch to me by withholding my kids from me seeing them. That if she decides to divorce that she would remain single and just worry about the kids (oh yea, guess she forgot she already has a POSOM, so how she gonna be single) 

She said if we got divorced that she wouldn't fight me on nothing. That she don't want to divorce cause she don't want to deal with the courts and stuff. 

All she does is teeter tottor back and forth about no i want to fix our marriage then she says she don't wanna try anymore cause afraid to get hurt.

Bull, its cause OM is always on her mind, she thinks he is the best man right now. He tells her what she wants to hear so he prince charming in her eyes. 

She basically wants me to beg and plead her to fix marriage (not gonna happen). 

Not once did she say anything about wednesdays exposure. I know she must know i called her POSOM, but she never made mention of it. 

But i see she is really pissed off, must be cause she didn't realize how much i knew and that i completely busted her a$$. 

Awww poor her she's mad and hurt cause i messed up her fun world. Get over it i say.

Well see what happens as time goea by....hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

life.is.pain said:


> Well see what happens as time goea by....hahaha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry brother, I don't like the fact that your not focused and working a plan...but rather throwing crap to the wind and seeing what happens = what she does next.....

WTF? Your old lady is up against the fence and just told you how crappy the marriage was and you didn't help her out by telling her you will let her go (with a big smile) and wish her the best.

Dude your old lady is so fogged in, I strongly suggest you ask her to leave and apoligize for making her life misserable and will no longer control her and she is more then welcome to move on.

If she is so unhappy and you are suck a POS then help her pack her crap up and ask her were she wants to take it!

Hell if she would have told you sooner you could have been proactive, but since she was so secritive how were you to know. Welcome the fact that she wants to let you go and smile.......until then she will never really second guess her her choices! She will never think twice in what she is about to lose until you are gone. And only then will she miss you.

Plus the day to day crap life has to offer, and the taboo excitement, along with the thrill of this secret affair is now out in the open...it just won't be the same for her.

So please, do not wait and "see what happens", but start making dicisions for your self that will effect your wife marriage as she once saw it.

I'm affraid your lack of action will bite you in the @ss later! Stop making it about her...but about you and what will you do from here on out.

She cheated she is out the door, your course should be clear...its now up to her to save the marriage by doing the heavy lifting to stick around. 

Dude, she is still with OM...nothing matters any more.....until that changes she can get the phuck out!

OM has to be completely out of the picture...your in a lossing battle! There is no "lets see what happens"...get it ?


----------



## Shaggy

Put him on cheaterville, don't mention her.

Send the link to her and any email address you have for him.

You want him to suffer because of her, and you want him and her to one that, the idea here is to have him get pissed at her for this happening, and her upset that he's upset with her.


----------



## life.is.pain

the guy said:


> Sorry brother, I don't like the fact that your not focused and working a plan...but rather throwing crap to the wind and seeing what happens = what she does next.....
> 
> WTF? Your old lady is up against the fence and just told you how crappy the marriage was and you didn't help her out by telling her you will let her go (with a big smile) and wish her the best.
> 
> Dude your old lady is so fogged in, I strongly suggest you ask her to leave and apoligize for making her life misserable and will no longer control her and she is more then welcome to move on.
> 
> If she is so unhappy and you are suck a POS then help her pack her crap up and ask her were she wants to take it!
> 
> Hell if she would have told you sooner you could have been proactive, but since she was so secritive how were you to know. Welcome the fact that she wants to let you go and smile.......until then she will never really second guess her her choices! She will never think twice in what she is about to lose until you are gone. And only then will she miss you.
> 
> Plus the day to day crap life has to offer, and the taboo excitement, along with the thrill of this secret affair is now out in the open...it just won't be the same for her.
> 
> So please, do not wait and "see what happens", but start making dicisions for your self that will effect your wife marriage as she once saw it.
> 
> I'm affraid your lack of action will bite you in the @ss later! Stop making it about her...but about you and what will you do from here on out.
> 
> She cheated she is out the door, your course should be clear...its now up to her to save the marriage by doing the heavy lifting to stick around.
> 
> Dude, she is still with OM...nothing matters any more.....until that changes she can get the phuck out!
> 
> OM has to be completely out of the picture...your in a lossing battle! There is no "lets see what happens"...get it ?


Im not saying "Lets see what happens" cause im gonna stay with her. I meant it in a way as "lets see what happens now see she knows all i know and that called her POSOM".

I did tell her earlier, that divorce will be filed. Told her i am letting her go to live the life she wants. 

She talks big sh*t for me to go ahead and file, but i know deep down inside it bothers her when i say i want to divorce her.

And yes she is way far gone right now. I look at her and she is deep in the fog. I could sense she has alot of hostility towards me, because of when i confronted her wednesday night with proof. Also her POSOM must of told her i called him and called him a punk ass b=tch (must hurt her heart that i direspected her prince charming)

But i know once i do file for divorce i bet it will snap her back to reality, or maybe she will see it as an opportunity to then bring her POSOM out in the open from hiding.

She says she is struggling, well she should ask her prince charming to help her out cause i ain't. She wants to be with him well then she needs to go to him and start b*tching and moaning her problems she has. Yea but she won't go to him with her problems cause he could give a rats ass.

She has a very serious look and is looking frustarted.....could be she having problems now that i confronted both of em.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Shaggy said:


> Put him on cheaterville, don't mention her.
> 
> Send the link to her and any email address you have for him.
> 
> You want him to suffer because of her, and you want him and her to one that, the idea here is to have him get pissed at her for this happening, and her upset that he's upset with her.



I think they are already upset at each other since i confronted her and called him.

She is being short tempered and has a very serious mad look to her. 

Besides she is blaming me for everything wrong in her life right now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

life.is.pain said:


> I think they are already upset at each other since i confronted her and called him.
> 
> She is being short tempered and has a very serious mad look to her.
> 
> Besides she is blaming me for everything wrong in her life right now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So drive it home, post him!


----------



## Dyokemm

lifeispain,

Did you ever express to her that her cheating severely wrecked the marriage, but the continued lying and denying is why is has been destroyed and you are filing?

That if she, as your wife, can't even share this truth that impacts you both, there is no real relationship to save anyway.


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> lifeispain,
> 
> Did you ever express to her that her cheating severely wrecked the marriage, but the continued lying and denying is why is has been destroyed and you are filing?
> 
> That if she, as your wife, can't even share this truth that impacts you both, there is no real relationship to save anyway.



Yes i did tell her that, but all she does is try to shift the blame towards me. She won't own up to anything at all. When she speaks all she says is stuff to justify her actions. But i told her she needs to starting owning up to her bull.

When we start talking i tell her if she wants to talk then no yelling or arguing or getting outta hand. But i tell her something that is true and hits a spot, so she explodes. But i just smirk and tell her the truth hurts right, cause you getting mad.

Divorce is definitely in the horizon no doubt about it. She can't own up to her actions, she is not remorseful, she plays victim card to much, she don't care about breaking up the family. POSOM is more important to her, well they can keep each other. 

But time will catch up to her eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

I think you are not yet ready to D, you seems like someone who is looking for some remorse in WS and she suddenly realizing what she is about to loose and beg you for R. Its not gonna happen soon.


File for D, she may snap out of her sh1t world she is staying right now or she may not but as it seems you will be better without her.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

You must expose her far and wide to her family and friends. Please don't tell us that it does not matter because her family will take her side. That is completely irrelevant. It matters to her in how others perceive her. Her 50/50 on the marriage is not about fixing her marriage. It is about how to dump you and move AP in w/o her losing face. That is her conundrum. But it is not your problem unless you play along with her. Show her you are writing the history of this marriage and why both of you are where you are now. You are the driver, not her. Simply state your wife has decided to involve a third man in your marriage State that this is unacceptable for you and you are divorcing her for cheating. Period. Then see what happens. She continues seeing him, so be it. Your marriage is over and you move on. She comes to her senses, you work on reconciliation...if you choose so. Not her. You choose. You must be the driver. Not her.


----------



## lenzi

life.is.pain said:


> Just had a long talk with stbxw,
> 
> Says she is 50/50 on divorce, that she can't make a decision anytime soon


Why are you even having this conversation with her if you've decided to divorce her?

The question is rhetorical.

You're still on the fence, you haven't filed because you are unsure.

Understandable but be honest with yourself.


----------



## life.is.pain

Kallan Pavithran said:


> I think you are not yet ready to D, you seems like someone who is looking for some remorse in WS and she suddenly realizing what she is about to loose and beg you for R. Its not gonna happen soon.
> 
> 
> File for D, she may snap out of her sh1t world she is staying right now or she may not but as it seems you will be better without her.



I am ready for divorce. Why would i wanna be married or live with a woman that constantly lies straight to my face. 

She knew firsthand when we got married that cheating would lead to divorce. Seems she feels she missing out in life, that wanting to have fun at bars and with other guys is her calling. Well i told her im letting her go to live the life she desires.

Wished her nothing but luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> You must expose her far and wide to her family and friends. Please don't tell us that it does not matter because her family will take her side. That is completely irrelevant. It matters to her in how others perceive her. Her 50/50 on the marriage is not about fixing her marriage. It is about how to dump you and move AP in w/o her losing face. That is her conundrum. But it is not your problem unless you play along with her. Show her you are writing the history of this marriage and why both of you are where you are now. You are the driver, not her. Simply state your wife has decided to involve a third man in your marriage State that this is unacceptable for you and you are divorcing her for cheating. Period. Then see what happens. She continues seeing him, so be it. Your marriage is over and you move on. She comes to her senses, you work on reconciliation...if you choose so. Not her. You choose. You must be the driver. Not her.



She can have her AP, he can deal with her now. The thing is this dude don't know her at all like i do. He don't get to hear her complaints, her constant b*tching, nagging, etc. So thats why i told both of them they can have each other.

When divorce is filed thats when i will exposen to her family. Of course she gonna makeup story we divorcing because of me, but truth always comes out. If people decide to believe her, i could careless. 

All i want is to be rid of her. Let her be someone elses problem, they can deal with her crazy ass now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> Why are you even having this conversation with her if you've decided to divorce her?
> 
> The question is rhetorical.
> 
> You're still on the fence, you haven't filed because you are unsure.
> 
> Understandable but be honest with yourself.



Not on the fence about divorce. I haven't filed cause i don't have the money to file yet. 

I did find a lawyer already. Just need to come up with some cash. 

Nothing will change my mind about divorcing her. For her actions and everything she says just pushes it more and more to want to divorce her as soon as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm

Well, since you did express that to her, the next time she gets upset with you about pursuing a divorce and asks why, make sure to tell her that she killed the marriage.

All you are doing is giving it the last rites and services.

Don't let her blame you for the divorce at all.


----------



## lenzi

life.is.pain said:


> Not on the fence about divorce. I haven't filed cause i don't have the money to file yet.
> 
> For her actions and everything she says


Ok, but why are you having conversations with her where she says she is 50/50 on whether she wants to get divorced?

If it's a done deal, it's not her decision and there's no need to have these conversations with her. 

To me, if you're having these conversations it indicates that you're still trying for some sort of resolution, if not then what IS the reason for them? Why not just ignore her or at least only deal with her only with things you HAVE to?


----------



## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> Well, since you did express that to her, the next time she gets upset with you about pursuing a divorce and asks why, make sure to tell her that she killed the marriage.
> 
> All you are doing is giving it the last rites and services.
> 
> Don't let her blame you for the divorce at all.



True words spoken....thnx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> Ok, but why are you having conversations with her where she says she is 50/50 on whether she wants to get divorced?
> 
> If it's a done deal, it's not her decision and there's no need to have these conversations with her.
> 
> To me, if you're having these conversations it indicates that you're still trying for some sort of resolution, if not then what IS the reason for them? Why not just ignore her or at least only deal with her only with things you HAVE to?



Yes your right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Just wanna give a somewhat update.....

Most of ya'll might remember my story from beginning when i posted it sometime last year.

Well if ya'll remember another reason she didn' want a divorce from me was because of the marital home. She wanted me to leave it to her.

Well since November 2011 till April 2013 i had been living with my kids and stbxw at her dads house after her mom passed away in november 2011. Stbxw still lives at her dads house up till now and maybe for years to come. 

Why for years to come ???

Because last night stbxw told me our marital home is going into forclosure sometime soon. 

You see i stopped paying for the house in February 2012 after our first separation, after D-day january 2012. I stopped paying the mortgage, stopped paying utilities, etc. Besides house has been unoccupied since november 2011. I just stayed in it one month when she kicked me out of her dads back in january 2012 and i came back to her for a false reconciliation March 2012 up till this year.

I knew something was going on after january 2012, so i told myself im not paying for nothing anymore. She wants the house so bad she can have it, cause obviously material items matter more to her than family. Maybe she thought she could move her POSOM in.

Well her dreams and ideas are really starting to crumble down big times. Since her dad left the country back in january 2013 she has had to pay all his bills at her dads house now. And bills there are high from light and water cause its a big house.

Thats why she constantly cries and b*tches to me that she is struggling financially and stressing out. That the marital home will be lost cause she can't pay bills at 2 places.

As for me i don't want the marital home, the bank can take it for all i NJ. 

If she expects me to come to her rescue, she is wrong. That bridge has been burned to many times since last year up till now with her actions.

She shoulda listened when i was telling her last year to work together to fix our marriage. For then i woulda paid the home and we would of gone back home as a family. 

But she always said she didn't wanna try anymore. That she didn't love me like she used to. That she hated me, she couldn't stand to be around me. 

But whole time she hiding and locking her phone. Always texting, changed her appearance, boats load of makeup, etc.

All signs of someone else influencing her decision to work on the marriage. And then i found i was right when i found proof.

House will be lost (fine with me) and next step is divorce.

She said i never thought my life would turn out this way. I turned out that way cause of the stupid decisions she made and for believing a POSOM's words. 

Life catches up one way or another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm

You're right OP.

You treat others s***ty and eventually you will find yourself in a place where no one will be there to help you when life slams you with all of its tribulations and problems.

Ask her next time why she wants you to continue to be her rock in life, when she could just call any of her POSOM (I think you believe there is more than 1 right?) to come riding in to be her Knight in Shining Armor?

Could it perhaps be because immoral scumbags don't have any of the true qualities of devotion and loyalty that mark a real man?

Tell her to get used to it, because what decent man would want anything to do with a woman who has no loyalty and devotion herself.


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## warlock07

Find some info about the OM...


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## life.is.pain

Dyokemm said:


> You're right OP.
> 
> You treat others s***ty and eventually you will find yourself in a place where no one will be there to help you when life slams you with all of its tribulations and problems.
> 
> Ask her next time why she wants you to continue to be her rock in life, when she could just call any of her POSOM (I think you believe there is more than 1 right?) to come riding in to be her Knight in Shining Armor?
> 
> Could it perhaps be because immoral scumbags don't have any of the true qualities of devotion and loyalty that mark a real man?
> 
> Tell her to get used to it, because what decent man would want anything to do with a woman who has no loyalty and devotion herself.



Every decision she has made i would say 95% of the time always came back to bite her in the ass. And what she is doing now is no exception. She acts like she is such a big shot, but acting like a big shot don't last long for something will knock you down in due time.


I have told her many times to go ask her POSOM or POSOM's she might have to help her out. These dudes ain't gonna step up to help her out for jack. She can be deep in a hole or in hospital and these dudes could careless. 

She told me that in beginning of May she got real sick. That daughter wanted to call me so i can help stbxw, but stbxw told her not to.call me cause i wouldn't come. I think its cause she knows she burned her bridge with me. She shoulda called her OM's see if they woulda cared (probably not).

They don't deal with her in everyday life like i did for 20 yrs. Only time they see each other is for fun, so they don't know each other well at all. 

Also told her to ask her enabling family and cousins that support her cheating to help her out. Cause any help from me she ain't getting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

warlock07 said:


> Find some info about the OM...



I have his name, his phone #, his address. I just don't know how he looks, where he works, what he drives. 

But i will find out, still looking for more proof to use in divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi

life.is.pain said:


> I have his name, his phone #, his address. I just don't know how he looks, where he works, what he drives.
> 
> But i will find out, still looking for more proof to use in divorce


You need proof to get a divorce?


----------



## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> You need proof to get a divorce?



Proof to use in divorce, upper hand so she don't try and screw me over. I want half of what we accumulated over the years of being married. You see at first i was willing to leave her the house and everything else just so i could get rid of her quickly.

But i talked to some people that have gone thru a betrayal and they advised me that i deserve whats mine. That if i make a rash decision to give her everything just to get rid of her i will regret it later down the line.

So yea i thought about it for a long time and yes its best we divide everything cause why should she the cheater and liar walk away with everything. Nope will not happen.

Last night she said if we get divorced she doesn't want to go before a judge. I told her lets come to a mutual agreement and we can do an uncontested divorce. She said "whats that ?"....that wow seems you looking into divorces when she doesn't that it don't cross her mind to do research of divorce (yea right) i saw web history on computer
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

If you live in a nofault state it doesn't matter. The assets will be diivided evenly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lenzi

life.is.pain said:


> Proof to use in divorce, upper hand so she don't try and screw me over. I want half of what we accumulated over the years of being married. You see at first i was willing to leave her the house and everything else just so i could get rid of her quickly.


You get half unless a) you decide to give her more which you wisely have opted not to do or b) she can make a claim towards some of the joint assets as being her sole property.

You still don't need proof (of her infidelities or other behaviors).



life.is.pain said:


> She said "whats that ?"....that wow seems you looking into divorces when she doesn't that it don't cross her mind to do research of divorce


Well, you need to do your own research too. Here you are saying you're going to gather proof so she doesn't "screw you over because you want half". Both of you need to educate yourselves on how divorce really works.


----------



## life.is.pain

LostViking said:


> If you live in a nofault state it doesn't matter. The assets will be diivided evenly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Live in texas
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> You get half unless a) you decide to give her more which you wisely have opted not to do or b) she can make a claim towards some of the joint assets as being her sole property.
> 
> You still don't need proof (of her infidelities or other behaviors).
> 
> 
> 
> Well, you need to do your own research too. Here you are saying you're going to gather proof so she doesn't "screw you over because you want half". Both of you need to educate yourselves on how divorce really works.



Yes thats why im going thru a lawyer. What bothers me the most is that my kids are suffering cause our family is broken. But thats also no reason to remain married to her just cause of the kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

life.is.pain said:


> Live in texas
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NativeSun09

I hope things work out on your behalf, Lifeispain. I'd say don't continue to talk to her. Go dark as you said. You can ignore her while you gather the funds to legally cut your ties to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Texas is a community property state, 50/50. 

Beware of her not wanting to go before a judge. It has been my experience that just drags things out longer. Might be a ploy by her while she figure out how to save face.


----------



## life.is.pain

NativeSun09 said:


> I hope things work out on your behalf, Lifeispain. I'd say don't continue to talk to her. Go dark as you said. You can ignore her while you gather the funds to legally cut your ties to her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope to gather funds as soon as possible, just can't stand her anymore. But right now i can only be patient and civil for my kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Texas is a community property state, 50/50.
> 
> Beware of her not wanting to go before a judge. It has been my experience that just drags things out longer. Might be a ploy by her while she figure out how to save face.



She doesn't want to go in front of a judge cause she is afraid. Why would she wanna drag it out ? 

Save face how ? Everybody is gonna know why we divorced cause im gonna tell them why, then she can find ways to explain herself. By then i'd be done with her, i could careless what people say or think. 

Im just gonna give them the truthful version. 

She won't drag it out, cause i bet she's itching to go with her POSOM since he's "so different from me".....hahaha....yea he's different, cause he's being fake cause she don't live with him to see the real POS he really is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brokenshadow

life.is.pain said:


> Live in texas
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought a Texas divorce was where they dropped you both off in the boonies with a gun that had only one bullet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> *Texas is a community property state, 50/50. *


*Texas also has both "no-fault" and "at-fault" divorce procedures.*

Provided that both parties sign off and agree to "no-fault" divorce proceedings, then that would be the procedure used. 

If a prenup is involved by either party, then that generally falls under "no-fault" divorce procedures, unless the petitioner desires to sue under the state community property laws. Then the "at-fault" divorce procedures would predominate and the petitioner would then possibly subject their assets to judicial scrutiny and examination under the Texas Community Property Code right along with the Respondents.

In a "no-fault" divorce, infidelity or any other scurilous charges can not generally be introduced into evidence. In an "at-fault" divorce hearing, it certainly can be!


----------



## life.is.pain

Well i think i would file "no-fault" unless the lawyer would recommend differently.

I don't want to make her hostile, for she has agreed if we do get divorced she wants to come to agreements (uncontested). Which i think is best, instead of wasting boohoo money on going back and forth. 

Besides if the house does go into foreclosure like she said it will, then what is left to divide. Just furniture, miscellaneous items.

I have read up on 401k's, etc. 

But i don't have a 401k.

Stbxw has 401k, profit sharing, she buys company stock. Would she have to divide that with me or does she get to keep it.


----------



## life.is.pain

Finally did it....posted both of them on cheaterville....posted stbxw and POSOM on there.

Says it takes between 24 to 48 hours to be approved.

Didn't want to post her but she got me fed up. I have had enough of her bullsh*t lies, her mistreating me and my kids, tired of her.

Next step is to file for divorce. I have to get rid of this woman once and for all.


----------



## Thor

life.is.pain said:


> i don't have a 401k.
> 
> Stbxw has 401k, profit sharing, she buys company stock. Would she have to divide that with me or does she get to keep it.


Usually there is a 50/50 split. You total up all of the value of all the assets, and subtract out the total debts. The final net number is what you two are worth. That is split 50/50.

All the stuff like furniture is assigned a $ value, and all the accounts like 401k can be easily added up. Subtract out car loans, credit card debt, etc. That final number is your net worth.

So yes you may be due 50% of her 401k and stock plans. You might agree not to take from her retirement funds in exchange for her keeping the debts. Note that taking from her 401k might result in tax penalties, reducing the amount of $ significantly for both of you. The stocks can be complicated also if she bought them under an employee stock option program. It might be better to let her keep those herself if you can find something to balance those against.

A good mediator might give you some guidance on all this, but I think if her 401k or stock are substantial it might be worth talking to a lawyer and/or an accountant. Keep in mind that it would be easy to spend $5k on a lawyer, so unless her 401k and stocks are worth maybe $30k or more it would make no sense at all to pursue.

Check some atty websites in your area. They frequently have FAQ for your state which will explain how it works under your laws.

The foreclosure complicates things. There may be a big tax issue there for you. Any portion of the unpaid debt which is erased becomes taxable income! Be sure you *fully* understand it before signing any documents for either the foreclosure or the divorce.

I think the foreclosure could be a really big financial and legal factor.


----------



## life.is.pain

Thor said:


> Usually there is a 50/50 split. You total up all of the value of all the assets, and subtract out the total debts. The final net number is what you two are worth. That is split 50/50.
> 
> All the stuff like furniture is assigned a $ value, and all the accounts like 401k can be easily added up. Subtract out car loans, credit card debt, etc. That final number is your net worth.
> 
> So yes you may be due 50% of her 401k and stock plans. You might agree not to take from her retirement funds in exchange for her keeping the debts. Note that taking from her 401k might result in tax penalties, reducing the amount of $ significantly for both of you. The stocks can be complicated also if she bought them under an employee stock option program. It might be better to let her keep those herself if you can find something to balance those against.
> 
> A good mediator might give you some guidance on all this, but I think if her 401k or stock are substantial it might be worth talking to a lawyer and/or an accountant. Keep in mind that it would be easy to spend $5k on a lawyer, so unless her 401k and stocks are worth maybe $30k or more it would make no sense at all to pursue.
> 
> Check some atty websites in your area. They frequently have FAQ for your state which will explain how it works under your laws.
> 
> The foreclosure complicates things. There may be a big tax issue there for you. Any portion of the unpaid debt which is erased becomes taxable income! Be sure you *fully* understand it before signing any documents for either the foreclosure or the divorce.
> 
> I think the foreclosure could be a really big financial and legal factor.



That makes sense about letting her keep her 401k and stock if i balance it out somehow. Good idea.

As for the forclosure, she filed for bankruptcy last year on her own to save the home she wants so bad. Honestly its not worth much. Well she filed bankruptcy after i told her not to, but she never listens. And now she is back to square one, where she can't afford to make monthly bankruptcy payments, mortgage payments (i stopped paying mortgage after i found out some proof she was cheating) and also pay her dads bills now since she living in his house.

So since she not paying mortgage as part of bankruptcy deal the mortgage company is trying to foreclosure on it now. Yes i wil be liable for debt but will deal with it as it comes. 

Stbxw had her chance to save the home if she woulda decided to truely fix the marriage, cause i woulda worked with her to bring it xurrent. But she was always on the fence, that she didn't wanna try anymore, she was confused, she didn't know what she wanted
a
Well i made decision then. I will not pay mortgage, i will not help her financially, and i will not be her backup plan. She can go to her POSOM and he can start helping.

Or do ya'll think i should still help her out financialy since we still legally married. But we don't live together cause she kicked me.out from her dads, since we been staying there since November 2011.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

life.is.pain said:


> That makes sense about letting her keep her 401k and stock if i balance it out somehow. Good idea.
> 
> As for the forclosure, she filed for bankruptcy last year on her own to save the home she wants so bad. Honestly its not worth much. Well she filed bankruptcy after i told her not to, but she never listens. And now she is back to square one, where she can't afford to make monthly bankruptcy payments, mortgage payments (i stopped paying mortgage after i found out some proof she was cheating) and also pay her dads bills now since she living in his house.
> 
> So since she not paying mortgage as part of bankruptcy deal the mortgage company is trying to foreclosure on it now. Yes i wil be liable for debt but will deal with it as it comes.
> 
> Stbxw had her chance to save the home if she woulda decided to truely fix the marriage, cause i woulda worked with her to bring it xurrent. But she was always on the fence, that she didn't wanna try anymore, she was confused, she didn't know what she wanted
> a
> Well i made decision then. I will not pay mortgage, i will not help her financially, and i will not be her backup plan. She can go to her POSOM and he can start helping.
> 
> Or do ya'll think i should still help her out financialy since we still legally married. But we don't live together cause she kicked me.out from her dads, since we been staying there since November 2011.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


support for your kids. Not a penny more.


----------



## lenzi

life.is.pain said:


> Or do ya'll think i should still help her out financialy since we still legally married. But we don't live together cause she kicked me.out from her dads, since we been staying there since November 2011.


You need to determine what a court will likely award her and then try to get by with something less than that.

For example, lets say in your state you figure out that you'd probably have to pay $500 per month in alimoney and $1000 per month in child support. It's usually easier to figure out child support because most states use a straight formula, but if you do your research you can get a rough idea what you'd pay in alimoney.

Then offer her less in alimoney. Considerably less. She might come back with something more, and hopefully you'll get an amount you both agree on. Child support is going to be close or exactly what the formula predicts so no room for negotiation there.

If you starve her financially and she knows she's getting a raw deal she'll be more compelled to file a support petition. Then you're up to the mercy of the courts, you'll pay more in attorneys fees then you would if you were able to agree to some of this stuff, and you'll come out in worse shape.

Another thing to consider is that courts often look at the status quo. Whatever you agree to in alimoney may very well be what you pay in the long term- but child support doesn't apply to that.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Thor said:


> A good mediator might give you some guidance on all this, but I think if her 401k or stock are substantial it might be worth talking to a lawyer and/or an accountant. Keep in mind that it would be easy to spend $5k on a lawyer, so unless her 401k and stocks are worth maybe $30k or more it would make no sense at all to pursue.


This depends on how big of a prick you are. In my case I'm a major prick when someone has done me wrong and I'd go after it as long as I didn't go to far negative on it. In other words, it wouldn't matter if the lawyers got it all and I got none as long as I took it from her.


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## lenzi

Nucking Futs said:


> it wouldn't matter if the lawyers got it all and I got none as long as I took it from her.


Do you have kids? If so you're not only emptying your own pockets to pay for your attorney's retirement, college for their kids and their yacht and fancy home, you're also taking it from your children.

Also- in some jurisdictions if the opposing side can prove you're wasting assets with spiteful and unnecessary litigation you can be compelled to pay the attorneys fees on both sides.


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## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> support for your kids. Not a penny more.


i have told her that if my kids need something i will buy it for them but i will not give her the money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs

lenzi said:


> Do you have kids? If so you're not only emptying your own pockets to pay for your attorney's retirement, college for their kids and their yacht and fancy home, you're also taking it from your children.
> 
> Also- in some jurisdictions if the opposing side can prove you're wasting assets with spiteful and unnecessary litigation you can be compelled to pay the attorneys fees on both sides.


Nope, no kids, but we are talking about retirement funds. I wouldn't consider that taking from the kids.


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## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> You need to determine what a court will likely award her and then try to get by with something less than that.
> 
> For example, lets say in your state you figure out that you'd probably have to pay $500 per month in alimoney and $1000 per month in child support. It's usually easier to figure out child support because most states use a straight formula, but if you do your research you can get a rough idea what you'd pay in alimoney.
> 
> Then offer her less in alimoney. Considerably less. She might come back with something more, and hopefully you'll get an amount you both agree on. Child support is going to be close or exactly what the formula predicts so no room for negotiation there.
> 
> If you starve her financially and she knows she's getting a raw deal she'll be more compelled to file a support petition. Then you're up to the mercy of the courts, you'll pay more in attorneys fees then you would if you were able to agree to some of this stuff, and you'll come out in worse shape.
> 
> Another thing to consider is that courts often look at the status quo. Whatever you agree to in alimoney may very well be what you pay in the long term- but child support doesn't apply to that.



So even though she has a fulltime job that she has been at for 15+ yrs and makes more money than me, i would have to pay her alimony ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Nucking Futs said:


> This depends on how big of a prick you are. In my case I'm a major prick when someone has done me wrong and I'd go after it as long as I didn't go to far negative on it. In other words, it wouldn't matter if the lawyers got it all and I got none as long as I took it from her.



I hear you, yea i can be a prick if i have been wronged. But then i think longterm i wouldn't get anything out of being a prick, just more reason for her to justify her actions. 

And its more a reward for her to justify her actions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> Do you have kids? If so you're not only emptying your own pockets to pay for your attorney's retirement, college for their kids and their yacht and fancy home, you're also taking it from your children.
> 
> Also- in some jurisdictions if the opposing side can prove you're wasting assets with spiteful and unnecessary litigation you can be compelled to pay the attorneys fees on both sides.



As for me im not trying to be spiteful, for i gain nothing from that. Before months ago i offered to let her keep everything and just divorce me so i could move on.

But she has been thw spiteful one, even though she says she's not out to hurt me (yea right her actions prove otherwise). Since then ibhave decided i deserve whats mine because i invested 20 yrs altogether with her and for me to walk away with nothing.

She had an offer before, but she burned that bridge by threatening cops on me, kicking me out from not being with my kids, and other manipulative actions that are her victim act.

No more. Enough is enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi

life.is.pain said:


> Since then ibhave decided i deserve whats mine because i invested 20 yrs altogether with her and for me to walk away with nothing.


Good. Don't roll over and give it all up. Lots of people do and regret it later on.



life.is.pain said:


> So even though she has a fulltime job that she has been at for 15+ yrs and makes more money than me, i would have to pay her alimony ?


She might have to pay you alimony.




Nucking Futs said:


> Nope, no kids, but we are talking about retirement funds. I wouldn't consider that taking from the kids.


Ok, no kids but you could easily deplete your retirement funds paying attorneys, just to spite her? The satisfaction you get will be temporary. Those funds could be quite useful some day.


----------



## Nucking Futs

lenzi said:


> Good. Don't roll over and give it all up. Lots of people do and regret it later on.
> 
> 
> 
> She might have to pay you alimony.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ok, no kids but you could easily deplete your retirement funds paying attorneys, just to spite her? The satisfaction you get will be temporary. Those funds could be quite useful some day.


I wasn't talking about depleting my retirement funds, but hers. Specifically I was referencing LIP's point that he has no retirement funds but she does and he's entitled to half of that. If she won't give him his half then fight it until there's nothing left if necessary, scorched earth style. Make sure she understands that you're not going to back down on this issue and she'll likely cave since she fears the judge.

Also, she has recently filed bankruptcy, he has not. He can break her in the divorce and she can't file another bk so soon while he still can.

This is all leverage for the negotiations.


----------



## lenzi

Nucking Futs said:


> he has no retirement funds but she does and he's entitled to half of that. If she won't give him his half then fight it until there's nothing left if necessary, scorched earth style.


What's the point of going back to court over and over again and incurring all the associated stress of being in the courthouse and missing work and fighting just to spend as much in attorneys fees as whatever it is you're fighting for?

If the retirement account has enough value that it's worth pursuing from a legal perspective, then tell your wife you're entitled to half as per the law and your attorney can write a stipulation that you both sign and if she refuses then you're going to file a court action to get what's rightfully yours and in the end you'll both get half less whatever you spend on attorneys fees.

She might agree, she might fight it at first, hopefully at some point after talking to her own attorney she'll realize that she'll have to give you half and it will be done and you can get this woman out of your life with a few bucks in your pocket rather than fighting countless pointless expensive battles out of spite.


----------



## Nucking Futs

This



lenzi said:


> What's the point of going back to court over and over again and incurring all the associated stress of being in the courthouse and missing work and fighting just to spend as much in attorneys fees as whatever it is you're fighting for?
> 
> If the retirement account has enough value that it's worth pursuing from a legal perspective, then tell your wife you're entitled to half as per the law and your attorney can write a stipulation that you both sign and if she refuses then you're going to file a court action to get what's rightfully yours and in the end you'll both get half less whatever you spend on attorneys fees.
> 
> She might agree, she might fight it at first, hopefully at some point after talking to her own attorney she'll realize that she'll have to give you half and it will be done and you can get this woman out of your life with a few bucks in your pocket rather than fighting countless pointless expensive battles out of spite.


is what I meant by this.



Nucking Futs said:


> This is all leverage for the negotiations.


----------



## life.is.pain

lenzi said:


> What's the point of going back to court over and over again and incurring all the associated stress of being in the courthouse and missing work and fighting just to spend as much in attorneys fees as whatever it is you're fighting for?
> 
> If the retirement account has enough value that it's worth pursuing from a legal perspective, then tell your wife you're entitled to half as per the law and your attorney can write a stipulation that you both sign and if she refuses then you're going to file a court action to get what's rightfully yours and in the end you'll both get half less whatever you spend on attorneys fees.
> 
> She might agree, she might fight it at first, hopefully at some point after talking to her own attorney she'll realize that she'll have to give you half and it will be done and you can get this woman out of your life with a few bucks in your pocket rather than fighting countless pointless expensive battles out of spite.



Well honestly stbxw is very stubborn, and i know that when we divorce and i ask for half of her retirement she is gonna throw a big fit. But she didn't care about me when she is with her POSOM so why should i care.

Im not asking for half to screw her over, just many people told me if i don't take whats owed to me i will regret it later.

Besides if it was the other way around i guarantee she would ask for half my retirement if i had one. And she would get half whether i liked the idea or not.

So if she makes more than me there is a slight chance she would have to pay me alimony ?

How does her filing bankruptcy on her own affect me im a divorce ??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs

life.is.pain said:


> How does her filing bankruptcy on her own affect me im a divorce ??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know that it does. I just mentioned it because bk is still an option for you but not for her. If she fights too hard you can point out to her that you can run up huge bills then declare bankruptcy where she can't.

Understand that I'm not suggesting that you actually do it. Most suggestions I make are aimed at gaining leverage in negotiation with the stbx, not to actually do it.

So to break it down:

What you want her to agree to:
Child custody
Absorb half the debt.
Give you half her retirement

What you're willing to give up in exchange:
Nothing

What you can tell her to get this stuff:
"The law says we split everything including your retirement. We can do this the cheap way and we both just stipulate to it in an agreement or *we can go to court and the judge can take it from you and give it to me*. Either way I get half so you might as well just give it to me. If it comes to a legal battle I'll go as far into debt as necessary to win. It doesn't matter how broke I end up, I can always declare bankruptcy while you can't."

If she's afraid of the judge use that to your advantage.

One thing about threatening bankruptcy. If you think there is any slight chance that you might actually need to file bankruptcy do not say this to her, it can come back and bite you in the ass.

Play to her fears. She's afraid of the judge so she'll probably be willing to give up easier to avoid having to deal with the judge. Is she afraid of debt? Play on that. Use whatever you can find to apply pressure.

But if you want to be her friend after the divorce throw all this out the window. This is no way to behave towards a friend.


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## shaung

life.is.pain said:


> Finally did it....posted both of them on cheaterville....posted stbxw and POSOM on there.
> 
> Says it takes between 24 to 48 hours to be approved.
> 
> Didn't want to post her but she got me fed up. I have had enough of her bullsh*t lies, her mistreating me and my kids, tired of her.
> 
> Next step is to file for divorce. I have to get rid of this woman once and for all.


Cheaterville works wonders!

The leader of a recreational group my wife once belonged to began harassing her by email, causing drama, and asked her out to make me angry. I did get angry, so I posted him on Cheaterville  I put many embarrassing details about what he was doing, didn't hold back one bit! The guy is a hardcore narcissist, his image is everything. I figured he probably regularly googles his own name hahaha, so I knew he would eventually see it. 

About 12 hours later I noticed it was posted on the cheaterville website. A couple days later I noticed it made the first page of google results. A day or so later, it was at the TOP of a google search of his name. After a couple weeks, suddenly it dropped down to the second or third page of search results. "Hmmmm, he must have noticed and did something" I thought. I read that there were services that could knock things down on google searches, figured he must have paid one of those. 

About a week later it disappeared and had been removed from the Cheaterville website. The dude went out and hired a lawyer and got it removed, must have cost him hundreds of dollars to do it. 

All harassment and contact ceased. Problem solved!

Cheaterville is a Gooooood thing! He got exposed for all to see, yay!


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## life.is.pain

Nucking Futs said:


> I don't know that it does. I just mentioned it because bk is still an option for you but not for her. If she fights too hard you can point out to her that you can run up huge bills then declare bankruptcy where she can't.
> 
> Understand that I'm not suggesting that you actually do it. Most suggestions I make are aimed at gaining leverage in negotiation with the stbx, not to actually do it.
> 
> So to break it down:
> 
> What you want her to agree to:
> Child custody
> Absorb half the debt.
> Give you half her retirement
> 
> What you're willing to give up in exchange:
> Nothing
> 
> What you can tell her to get this stuff:
> "The law says we split everything including your retirement. We can do this the cheap way and we both just stipulate to it in an agreement or *we can go to court and the judge can take it from you and give it to me*. Either way I get half so you might as well just give it to me. If it comes to a legal battle I'll go as far into debt as necessary to win. It doesn't matter how broke I end up, I can always declare bankruptcy while you can't."
> 
> If she's afraid of the judge use that to your advantage.
> 
> One thing about threatening bankruptcy. If you think there is any slight chance that you might actually need to file bankruptcy do not say this to her, it can come back and bite you in the ass.
> 
> Play to her fears. She's afraid of the judge so she'll probably be willing to give up easier to avoid having to deal with the judge. Is she afraid of debt? Play on that. Use whatever you can find to apply pressure.
> 
> But if you want to be her friend after the divorce throw all this out the window. This is no way to behave towards a friend.



I would not wanna be her friend after divorce, that bridge is burned. Only thing we would have between us then is just our kids, nothing more. Even at that i wouldn't try with her again if she realized her mistakes and changed, to much damage she has caused with her stupid actions.

She will regret it later in life.

As for asking for half, she will argue about it till no end i know that for sure. But you did point out some good points i can make against her. Yes she is afraid of dealing with judges and courts and legal stuff. So best decision she can make is come to an agreement and thats it. If not then we will let judge decide.

I believe she is getting advice from her divorced friends and a cousin of hers that works for a lawyer. Her friends can advice her all they want, but in the end they're advice won't mean sh*t.

People tell me that if i file for divorce and she see's how much she is poisedbto lose, she will probably want to work on the marriage then. To little to late.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

shaung said:


> Cheaterville works wonders!
> 
> The leader of a recreational group my wife once belonged to began harassing her by email, causing drama, and asked her out to make me angry. I did get angry, so I posted him on Cheaterville  I put many embarrassing details about what he was doing, didn't hold back one bit! The guy is a hardcore narcissist, his image is everything. I figured he probably regularly googles his own name hahaha, so I knew he would eventually see it.
> 
> About 12 hours later I noticed it was posted on the cheaterville website. A couple days later I noticed it made the first page of google results. A day or so later, it was at the TOP of a google search of his name. After a couple weeks, suddenly it dropped down to the second or third page of search results. "Hmmmm, he must have noticed and did something" I thought. I read that there were services that could knock things down on google searches, figured he must have paid one of those.
> 
> About a week later it disappeared and had been removed from the Cheaterville website. The dude went out and hired a lawyer and got it removed, must have cost him hundreds of dollars to do it.
> 
> All harassment and contact ceased. Problem solved!
> 
> Cheaterville is a Gooooood thing! He got exposed for all to see, yay!



I posted her POSOM on cheaterville. I wasn't gonna post stbxw, but since she wants to keep treating me like sh*t i just said to hell with her and posted her on it with her pic. Detailed what she has been up to and how she broke up the family for a POSOM. 

Said it takes 24-48 hours to be posted on the site. So once i see they are posted, do ya'll think i should send out links to stbxw, her posom and her family or no ?

I was trying to be cool and civil cause of the kids. But i see she takes advantage of me being a nice guy. So naw now we gonna do things the hard way.

She doesn't care about me or what i think, so why should i care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## shaung

life.is.pain said:


> I posted her POSOM on cheaterville. I wasn't gonna post stbxw, but since she wants to keep treating me like sh*t i just said to hell with her and posted her on it with her pic. Detailed what she has been up to and how she broke up the family for a POSOM.
> 
> Said it takes 24-48 hours to be posted on the site. So once i see they are posted, do ya'll think i should send out links to stbxw, her posom and her family or no ?
> 
> I was trying to be cool and civil cause of the kids. But i see she takes advantage of me being a nice guy. So naw now we gonna do things the hard way.
> 
> She doesn't care about me or what i think, so why should i care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Once it's on google, if anyone searches for her name it pops up. I chose to let the guy figure it out by himself. I would be inclined to do the same with your wife. Eventually (probably sooner than later) someone will notice and tell her


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## tom67

Then send us links and we will make it explode:smthumbup:


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## life.is.pain

shaung said:


> Once it's on google, if anyone searches for her name it pops up. I chose to let the guy figure it out by himself. I would be inclined to do the same with your wife. Eventually (probably sooner than later) someone will notice and tell her



True in time maybe someone will find it. But also i wanna send the link to everybody but wanna send it anonymously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

tom67 said:


> Then send us links and we will make it explode:smthumbup:



I tried looking for it but i don't think its posted yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

I recieved an email that both postings on cheaterville got posted.

But when i type in stbxw's name in google search it doesn't come up at all, only her facebook comes up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Stbxw is on cheaterville, has close to 5000 views already. 

Should i send her a link ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## shaung

life.is.pain said:


> I recieved an email that both postings on cheaterville got posted.
> 
> But when i type in stbxw's name in google search it doesn't come up at all, only her facebook comes up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The views on Cheaterville will drive it up in google. It's a beautiful thing. Like I said, took a day or two before I saw it on google. It'll get there 

You should wait til it's live and showing on the first page of google, then tell her "Google your name" and have her find it that way. Alternatively, you would wait til its well up on google, then send her a link to the search results. Either way, seeing her name pop up with THAT on google will do the job.


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## turnera

life.is.pain said:


> As for asking for half, she will argue about it till no end i know that for sure.


So what? You act like you're going to keep hanging out with her or something.

What YOU want and what SHE wants matters not one bit when it comes to a divorce. What is LEGALLY REQUIRED is what matters and, if you've been married long enough, you are LEGALLY REQUIRED to split all assets earned while married. Your retirement or her retirement; it's all in the dollar amount. If you each had an equal amount in retirement, the courts would probably not touch either of them. If one of you has a lot and the other has nothing, it will be split. Whether you want it to or not. Just let the court handle it and spare the drama.


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## turnera

life.is.pain said:


> True in time maybe someone will find it. But also i wanna send the link to everybody but wanna send it anonymously.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Nah, stay classy. THAT kind of thing WILL get back to your kids. Don't be that dad.


----------



## turnera

shaung said:


> The views on Cheaterville will drive it up in google. It's a beautiful thing. Like I said, took a day or two before I saw it on google. It'll get there
> 
> You should wait til it's live and showing on the first page of google, then tell her "Google your name" and have her find it that way. Alternatively, you would wait til its well up on google, then send her a link to the search results. Either way, seeing her name pop up with THAT on google will do the job.


I wouldn't be admitting it electronically; that might bite you in the butt in court. Just let her figure it out on her own.


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## life.is.pain

turnera said:


> So what? You act like you're going to keep hanging out with her or something.
> 
> What YOU want and what SHE wants matters not one bit when it comes to a divorce. What is LEGALLY REQUIRED is what matters and, if you've been married long enough, you are LEGALLY REQUIRED to split all assets earned while married. Your retirement or her retirement; it's all in the dollar amount. If you each had an equal amount in retirement, the courts would probably not touch either of them. If one of you has a lot and the other has nothing, it will be split. Whether you want it to or not. Just let the court handle it and spare the drama.



Well i wasn't asking for half on nothing before, i was willing to let her keep it all. All she had to do was divorce me so i could move in life. I didn't ask her nothing about her affairs, i just wanted my freedom from her.

She didn't take my offer, she kept saying she wasn't cheating and still lying straight to my face. Now i want half if thats how judge does it. I want half cause after all the proof she still denies till this day.

I wasn't gonna be an a**hole with her for sake of my kids, but she wants to be a b*tch with me well im not gonna sit around and let her do that to me. I have been nothing but good to her and tried to get along for sake of kids, for after divorce we still connected cause of just our kids. But she walks around like she is a big bad a$$, so ok, no more mr nice guy.

She keeps burning bridges, she knows exactly what she does, but just doesn't care at the moment, she gonna wanna care when its to late. Always is like that, people wanna wakeup when its to late.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

I'm just saying to stop caring what she says or what she thinks about all this. In a few months, you'll never have to see her again.


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## turnera

You can use Google Calendar to schedule kid stuff.


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## life.is.pain

turnera said:


> I wouldn't be admitting it electronically; that might bite you in the butt in court. Just let her figure it out on her own.



Yes true. I will let people find it on their own. 

I was reading it and how its worded, it don't sound like it was posted by me. Sounds like someone else posted it.

But eh who cares, she did it to herself no one forced her to cheat. No excuses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## life.is.pain

turnera said:


> I'm just saying to stop caring what she says or what she thinks about all this. In a few months, you'll never have to see her again.



I have been getting to that point, i even told her that during our last conversation. That after all the crap since last year, im over it, that it don't bother me like it used. 

I told her time fades it all away. Especially when the marriage felt dead long time ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor

life.is.pain said:


> So since she not paying mortgage as part of bankruptcy deal the mortgage company is trying to foreclosure on it now. Yes i wil be liable for debt but will deal with it as it comes.


I just want to be sure you understand that forgiven debt is considered income by the IRS. You pay income taxes on it.

So for example you owe $150,000 on your mortgage, but the house is only worth $90,000. The bank forecloses and sells the house, eating a loss of $60,000. 

That $60,000 you and she jointly owed which was forgiven now becomes _income_ to you on your tax return. You might owe many thousands of dollars taxes to the IRS.

When calculating out numbers for your overall divorce settlement be sure you include whatever the tax implications are for the foreclosure (and everything else really).


----------



## lenzi

Thor said:


> I just want to be sure you understand that forgiven debt is considered income by the IRS. You pay income taxes on it.


Not always. There are situations where that "income" can be excluded.

_However, if you can demonstrate that you qualify for an exclusion or exception, you may be able to avoid paying taxes on part or all of that phantom income. One of the most commonly used exclusions is the "insolvency exclusion." It works like this: You are insolvent to the extent that your liabilities (what you owe) exceed your assets (what you own). If the total amount by which you are insolvent is larger than the amount listed on the 1099-C, you can exclude the entire amount listed on the 1099-C from your income. You’ll have to file Form 982 with your tax return to claim this exclusion. If the amount by which you are insolvent is less than the amount on the 1099-C then you may be able to avoid including part of that amount in your income._

And this:
_
There is one bit of good news for our hypothetical homeowner and others dealing with foreclosure-induced taxes. You can get out from under at least part of the IRS bill if you meet the homeownership tax-exclusion rules.

This popular tax break allows a single homeowner who sells his property under the usual circumstances to exclude up to $250,000 profit from taxes; the exclusion is $500,000 for married couples filing jointly._


----------



## life.is.pain

Thor said:


> I just want to be sure you understand that forgiven debt is considered income by the IRS. You pay income taxes on it.
> 
> So for example you owe $150,000 on your mortgage, but the house is only worth $90,000. The bank forecloses and sells the house, eating a loss of $60,000.
> 
> That $60,000 you and she jointly owed which was forgiven now becomes _income_ to you on your tax return. You might owe many thousands of dollars taxes to the IRS.
> 
> When calculating out numbers for your overall divorce settlement be sure you include whatever the tax implications are for the foreclosure (and everything else really).



Thanks for pointing that out, i would have to discuss that with the divorce lawyer i get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Will the house was bought at $72,000 and from last letter that we had recieved and i got to see the house was valued at around $90,000 something.


I mean offered to let her keep it if she could take my name off it, but her being on bankruptcy she can't refinance at all. When i called mortgage company they said only way to get my name off was her refinancing but she can't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Just checked the post of my stbxw i posted on cheaterville and she has 35,459 views already. I don't know if ya'll think thats alot but man to me it feels like alot.....hahaha

Does anyone know if there's a way to send the "LINK" to a mobile phone #, cause it says it can send it anonymousy via email. But i prefer via a phone #
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07

Hey, how are you doing in between all this ?


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## life.is.pain

warlock07 said:


> Hey, how are you doing in between all this ?



I am doing fine, i stayed over last week for about 3 days with my kids. But you know when you have that feeling that makes you feel uncomfortable (like your not wanted somewhere). Well this time i gathered my things and i left. She quickly asked where i was going and i said "im leaving". 

The look on her face said to me that i showed her that i am done with her. First time she has ever looked at me like that. It felt good this time for me to be the one walking out on her.

My kids understand i love them and still there dad, just thatbi don't wanna be with thier mom anymore. 

Stbxw text me after i left that she is trying to make a decision about marriage but that its hard. I told her the decision has been made she ain't gotta stress no more. She got mad, but ay who cares.

God willing soon enough i will be free from her.

So how do i feel i feel great, i feel free, i feel my new life starting,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado

life.is.pain said:


> Stbxw text me after i left that she is trying to make a decision about marriage but that its hard. I told her the decision has been made she ain't gotta stress no more. She got mad, but ay who cares.


Inertia. Some cheaters become so full of themselves, devaluate so much their betrayed ones that thay can't grasp the fact you are not an option anymore, they delude themselves they still have the same amount of control of the situation they got when they started deceiving and acting on thier own interests.
Sometimes this deluded state can be used to our adventage and blinside them with our own plans. If that's the case let her believe she's at charge while you get your doks lined up.


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## life.is.pain

Acabado said:


> Inertia. Some cheaters become so full of themselves, devaluate so much their betrayed ones that thay can't grasp the fact you are not an option anymore, they delude themselves they still have the same amount of control of the situation they got when they started deceiving and acting on thier own interests.
> Sometimes this deluded state can be used to our adventage and blinside them with our own plans. If that's the case let her believe she's at charge while you get your doks lined up.


I watch her actions and what she says closely and i catch a sense that she thinks we will get back together when she is done having fun. But like you said i won't be an option for her no more. I know right now she probably believes since we still married that i ain't going anywhere.

But she needs to remember what she told me "we only married on paper". So all it takes is another paper to unmarry her. I know one day she gonna wanna try or maybe not, but i know my decision is made
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

I have thought about letting her believe that she still has the control, cause yes it can be used to our advantage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

pain, don't send the link. She'll find out eventually. THAT is a lot more effective than YOU informing her, because that shows even more that you couldn't care less how she reacts, that you've left her in the dust.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

life.is.pain said:


> I watch her actions and what she says closely and i catch a sense that she thinks we will get back together when she is done having fun. But like you said i won't be an option for her no more. I know right now she probably believes since we still married that i ain't going anywhere.
> 
> But she needs to remember what she told me "we only married on paper". So all it takes is another paper to unmarry her. I know one day she gonna wanna try or maybe not, but i know my decision is made
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good for you. Stay strong dude.


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## life.is.pain

turnera said:


> pain, don't send the link. She'll find out eventually. THAT is a lot more effective than YOU informing her, because that shows even more that you couldn't care less how she reacts, that you've left her in the dust.



Yes i believe you are right, eventually someone will find it and tell her about it. Besides if i send it i know she will know i posted it. And if she finds out on her own, i can do what she did to me "DENY IT ALL". 

She can't prove it was me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Good for you. Stay strong dude.


Thnx. It wasn't easy before to be strong but time and her actions and mistreatment of me have made me strong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

You only married on paper huh? 

That remark tells you all you need to know about your WW's moral compass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

LostViking said:


> You only married on paper huh?
> 
> That remark tells you all you need to know about your WW's moral compass.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Those were her words, but i warned her that she has to watch what she says "for what she says will be used against her later".

In other words she could end up eating her words.

She acts like she is undestructible, like the world should worship her. But what goes up must come down eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

life.is.pain said:


> She acts like she is undestructible, like the world should worship her. But what goes up must come down eventually.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Life: Sure that we're not married to and divorcing the same woman?*


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## LostViking

arbitrator said:


> *Life: Sure that we're not married to and divorcing the same woman?*


It's all the bravado of a scared directionless woman. You are right. She is heading for a bad crash.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

arbitrator said:


> *Life: Sure that we're not married to and divorcing the same woman?*


She is not the woman i married back in JULY 3rd 1998.....after January 2012 she did a whole 360°.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life.is.pain

LostViking said:


> It's all the bravado of a scared directionless woman. You are right. She is heading for a bad crash.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I sit back and look at her actions and i see that she is basically being an actress. I told her she is faker than a 3 dollar bill, that she needs to stop acting like someone she is not. I told her that she seems to listen to other people just so she can be accepted by them.

But i will not be there in the end to pick her up.
But told her in the end the people that give her advice well go on with thier lives, and she will remain "LOST" and full of regrets in the end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

life.is.pain said:


> *She is not the woman i married. *_Posted via Mobile Device_


*Nor was my STBXW! Facebook and the reestablishment of connecting with her old friends richly contributed to her total downfall!*


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## life.is.pain

arbitrator said:


> *Nor was my STBXW! Facebook and the reestablishment of connecting with her old friends richly contributed to her total downfall!*


Yes ever since she got on facebook she spends all her time on it. My stbxw nevee really took self pics of herself but now she constantly does it. Thats why i told her she acts like someone she is not, like if she was a high schooler.

Now all she cares about is her appearance, obviously her appearance and seeking validation from other men is her biggest concern in life now. But looks don't last forever, she is 35 yrs old and im 36 yrs old, and alot of people used to tell her i look younger than her, and she would get mad.

I have the kinda genes that make me look younger than my age. Its a blessing i could say....hahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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