# Difference in education and career standard with my date



## coca (Dec 15, 2017)

Hi all,
It's my first time to post in such forums, so please bear with me 

6 years ago I was (18 years old) in a relationship with a guy (22 years old) and I was just starting my college life when he was starting to work as a chef, then we broke up because our relationship was not mature. Now and after I got into many failing relationships and he did as well, we started contacting each other (PS. we live in two different countries) again and we feel so in love and we have this connection, understanding and we accept each other as we are.

What I am worried about, is that now I am doing my masters and I am getting so hight education which makes my mind so big and a little complicated. He works as a chef and in this area of education and careers we are so different and I don't think we will even have a single discussion about my work one day.

What makes me worried is that after marriage we feel this gap and it causes problems, I am afraid we are back to each other just because we got hurt a lot from other people and our relationship is a temporary comfort zone. 

Could someone help me? I am so confused. 

Thanks:laugh:


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Don't settle.

Compatibility is the most important factor in successful marriages.

Figure out those things that you want in a partner. 
Does he meet most of these needs? 

Do the math, not the teeth mash.

Nobody, will meet all your needs, but some will come close.
This guy sounds like a warm familiar body. Somebody who can put a decent meal on your plate.
That may not be enough.

Just Sayin'

SCM


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I know quite a few marriages where there is can education gap . They respect each others professions and each other and seem fine.


If you think your better because as you say your mind is so big from all this education then that might be a problem.

I know lots of educated ass hats


----------



## coca (Dec 15, 2017)

yes


----------



## coca (Dec 15, 2017)

yes the problem is that I feel so comfortable with him now ...I can bore all the **** and complex out of my mind when am with him...but thanks to my ****ty past relationships, they gave me that fear of my complicated mind. and i feel he is the only one can handle it. but am worried of taking it to a life time thing...i am afraid he would get bored of me or so later when we are married. i trust him but my past makes me fear...i feel so trouble


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Unless your countries are very similar I would be more concerned with culture than education level. 

In my culture, however, I would prefer similar education level as mine. Not that it worked in my marriage  but I'm more of the academic intellectual type...


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm more worried that you haven't had a successful relationship that wasn't long distance. Perhaps it is better for you to keep your men at a distance.


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

How much will be the difference in income once you complete your masters degree?


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Congrats on working on the masters, but in the grand scheme of things a master's degree isn't really a high level of education. The real question shouldn't be education level but intellectual compatibility, assuming you are compatible in other areas as well. My ex-wife and I had a much bigger education gap than what you are experiencing and it wasn't a big deal.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Can you two talk?

If you can, then what's the problem? Interests? There's more to that then just work. Also chefs aren't stupid or void of life's experiences, skills and lessons.

I really do not understand this thread :scratchhead:


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Can you two talk?
> 
> If you can, then what's the problem? Interests? There's more to that then just work. Also chefs aren't stupid or void of life's experiences, skills and lessons.
> 
> I really do not understand this thread


I think maybe OP is letting her master's degree get to her head. Maybe the only problem is that she *thinks* she is better than her partner now.

I know many, many people who are higher educated who are kinda stupid, make terrible decisions, and are boring to talk to.

I have a master's degree. So what. I'd think a chef would be interesting to talk to. A chef might accumulate more life experience and be more well rounded than an " intellectual" in a dull dry boring " higher" profession.


----------



## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I rarely see education differences being a problem in a marriage. When one spouse has primarily intellectual interests and the other doesn't, that sometimes causes and issue. The bigger issue I see is in marriages where the woman significantly out-earns the male. You wouldn't think that would be a big deal anymore, but long term marriages like that are still fairly unusual.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Chemistry and love as well as loyalty are far more important to me.


----------



## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

I'm too confused to what's the real issue here. I feel it's more interesting to have a mate that has a career different than what I do.
My wife and I work in the same industry, that's how we met. In one hand it's great to completely understand the issues that have raised in the duration of her day, she'll ask me questions and visa versa about how I would handle the problem. But sometimes it certainly becomes boring and mundane to hear about my every day life. 
So my point is, it will bring a new layer of conversation and something you both can learn about each other!

Just my two cents

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Lots of things matter in a relationship. If you feel that the difference in education will cause stress, you are probably right.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The short story is you don't respect the guy and think he is in a class well below yourself, other wise you wouldn't be concerned. I see a future of resentment on both your parts if you stay together, you're never going to feel he is good enough for you and he's going to feel marginalized because of his career.


----------



## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

I've met many people who have an accomplished university degree that are complete morons and cant hold a candle to me and my little college diploma in a real conversation. They are boring to speak to and id rather stand alone at a party than continue a conversation.

More important than a college/university degree; does your potential partner seek greatness or more knowledge as time goes on?
Is he a chef that works at mcdonalds making burgers or is he continually expanding his knowledge? Is he motivated to be greater than he was yesterday?

Do you enjoy debates on school topics?? is that the problem you have? trying to find someone who will be able to talk about your specific field? 

Also, long distance relationships are pretty difficult. It might be all roses via chat/text/phone but completely different in real life


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

coca said:


> Hi all,
> It's my first time to post in such forums, so please bear with me
> 
> 6 years ago I was (18 years old) in a relationship with a guy (22 years old) and I was just starting my college life when he was starting to work as a chef, then we broke up because our relationship was not mature. Now and after I got into many failing relationships and he did as well, we started contacting each other (PS. we live in two different countries) again and we feel so in love and we have this connection, understanding and we accept each other as we are.
> ...


Could you please clarify something? You say that the two of you live in different countries.

Was there ever a time when you two lived in the same country? For example when you met him when you were 19, did you meet him in person? Are the two of you originally from the same country?

Or has your relationship with him always been long distance?

It's its always been a long distance relationship, how many times have you met with him in person? How long were these in-person meetings?


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, career woman here, university professor, have a Ph.D., & 37 years married (first marriage for the both of us). My husband has a Bachelor's degree in engineering. He sent me through graduate school. It is the compatability of your values & intelligence which will take you to a successful marriage. 

You say that you are working on your master's degree? Are you employed? You seem to think that you have a complicated mind. You only have your bachelor's degree at this point. Your degree is only applicable to your area of study. You might be surprised to find that your boyfriend is more educated overall in knowledge than you are. Come down from the high mountain.

Best of luck to you.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

coca said:


> What I am worried about, is that now I am doing my masters and I am getting so hight education which makes my mind so big and a little complicated. He works as a chef and in this area of education and careers we are so different and I don't think we will even have a single discussion about my work one day.


I take it English is not your first language? 

Honestly the fact that you think this way means he is not the right person for you, and you are not the right person for him. No one wants to be in a relationship where their partner thinks they are dumb.


----------



## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

As others have said, you're coming at this a little skewed. Imagine if he was posting something similar about you and how your worldly knowledge or knife skills weren't as complex and sophisticated as his own. Two people meet in the middle of their interests when things work out. I've known super intelligent people both with and without degrees. Humility can sometimes go a long way towards compatibility.

Taking out the education: Do you like him. or will you always consider yourself better than him because of your perception of complexity and intelligence? Neither of you deserve a relationship where one person consistently thinks less of the other.


----------



## coca (Dec 15, 2017)

Well thanks all for your answers. I would like to clarify something. I am not saying I am smarter or more intelligent. I am saying that sometimes I feel my mind is more complicated "which by the way I feel it's not something good or understandable for some guys " that's why I am worried. Please don't be judgemental. I got many comments from my ex boyfriends that my arguments and my mind is complicated ...that worries me .... I love him and I don't want him to get bored someday or to feel I overthink about everything cuz of the nature of my work. 
For people asked about whether I work or not...yes I work but that's not related. 
My fear came from the comments I got from other guys before. They made me feel like my education is a curse ...even some people told me that guys prefer more easy going girls ....is that true?


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

coca said:


> Well thanks all for your answers. I would like to clarify something. I am not saying I am smarter or more intelligent. I am saying that sometimes I feel my mind is more complicated "which by the way I feel it's not something good or understandable for some guys " that's why I am worried. Please don't be judgemental. I got many comments from my ex boyfriends that my arguments and my mind is complicated ...that worries me .... I love him and I don't want him to get bored someday or to feel I overthink about everything cuz of the nature of my work.
> For people asked about whether I work or not...yes I work but that's not related.
> My fear came from the comments I got from other guys before. They made me feel like my education is a curse ...even some people told me that guys prefer more easy going girls ....is that true?


So maybe take what other guys told you and tone it down some. 

Just a thought.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here's one truth: insecure men are afraid of smart or educated women. 

They will always try to find ways to squash the woman, down to their own level. It sounds to me like maybe you keep picking crappy guys with low self esteem. Is that correct?


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I have a little bit of college education. My wife has a Masters Degree and is highly respected in her professional community. I think the small imbalance we have is more related to a lack of shared personal interests than education. I am sitting here thinking of the many individuals I know with Doctorates who I consider great friends and I am not intimidated by them while also appreciating their education.

Do you share interests with this man. If you really love him do you have the humility to allow that to be enough?


----------



## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

turnera said:


> Here's one truth: insecure men are afraid of smart or educated women.


Bingo!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

turnera said:


> Here's one truth: insecure men are afraid of smart or educated women.
> 
> They will always try to find ways to squash the woman, down to their own level. It sounds to me like maybe you keep picking crappy guys with low self esteem. Is that correct?


While I tend to agree with this, I didn't see the chef bf portrayed as insecure but OP thinks her brain is going to get so big while she is studying for her masters that she will not have anything to talk about with her relatively idiotic boyfriend who couldn't fathom her advanced thoughts.

Honestly she will probably be too brilliant for earth men and will have to explore space in a quest to find an acceptable husband.:grin2:

She could make a show of it called "Sex in the SETI".

Bad joke Friday!


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Insecure men are afraid of all women.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

coca said:


> Hi all,
> It's my first time to post in such forums, so please bear with me
> 
> 6 years ago I was (18 years old) in a relationship with a guy (22 years old) and I was just starting my college life when he was starting to work as a chef, then we broke up because our relationship was not mature. Now and after I got into many failing relationships and he did as well, we started contacting each other (PS. we live in two different countries) again and we feel so in love and we have this connection, understanding and we accept each other as we are.
> ...


What makes you think that just because he is a chef that he isn't capable of holding an intelligent conversation! Being a chef is very hard work, good for him. 
My husband has a PHD. I left school at 18, worked full time from then, married at 19, bought my first home at 20, had my first child at 21. I looked after all of our finances from 19. He don't leave uni till he was about 26 but had had almost no experience of real life away from academia, which is actually a very sheltered environment. I had 2 children by then and had been married for 6 years. 
Despite this we have a great marriage, we are pretty equal in most things, we have many good discussions about all sorts of things and in some areas I am more intelligent than he is. (I can beat him at scrabble for example :wink2Getting a few letters after you name doesn't actually mean a lot to be honest, some people just don't want to go down that academic route, and others cant afford to.
One of my children went to uni, the other two chose not to. I was a single mum by then and couldn't afford to support them. They are very similar in intelligence and have all done well in their jobs. 

Its more concerning to me that you live in different countries so cant actually get to know each other face to face. Its really not the same on line. Have you ever actually met in person? If you haven't then you can't possibly know what he is like or if there is any chemistry there.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> Bingo!


Men are concerned about such educated and smart women setting up unattainable goals and then stressing out about them. 

Men are a bit more accepting of sucky careers because we've been conditioned to be providers. Many educated women - and men but I see more women in this - expect the world after a couple degrees.

Just my experience, mind you.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

what if he becomes one of them celebrity chefs?

What if he starts a business in the food industry, catering, creating food products and makes more money than you do?.........


----------



## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

Your mind does come across as very 'complicated.'

What does your 'complicated' mind talk about?

Try to simplify it so we can understand.


----------



## coca (Dec 15, 2017)

Yes I am from Greece, he is from Italy but we met four times throughout the past 8 years ....i know him well


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

coca said:


> Well thanks all for your answers. I would like to clarify something. I am not saying I am smarter or more intelligent. I am saying that sometimes I feel my mind is more complicated "which by the way I feel it's not something good or understandable for some guys " that's why I am worried. Please don't be judgemental. I got many comments from my ex boyfriends that my arguments and my mind is complicated ...that worries me .... I love him and I don't want him to get bored someday or to feel I overthink about everything cuz of the nature of my work.
> For people asked about whether I work or not...yes I work but that's not related.
> My fear came from the comments I got from other guys before. They made me feel like my education is a curse ...even some people told me that guys prefer more easy going girls ....is that true?


All women's minds are more complicated then men. My wife's mind is always worried about 15 things at once. My mind is there to help her let go and help her focus maybe, settle down. Doesn't mean she is smarter then me, it's just we are different.

Now it sounds like the other guys were jelous. That would be a problem if he was. Doesn't sound like he is though. So maybe it's not a problem. 

One thing I will say having worked with some really well educated, people some of them can be pretty arrogant (some are great though), and a lot of them are just book smart. Meaning they are smart about the one thing they studied, that doesn't mean they are the most intelligent people in the room. That could end up being a problem depending who your circle of friends are. They may look down on him. You need to watch that. Right now when all is knew that is not a problem, but if you hang out with people who think your husband is a fry cook they are not going to be good for your marriage. This is the kind of thing when two spouses come from different social circles that can be a problem. This could go the other way too. 

Something to think about.

Anyway I suggest you don't worry about the first paragraphs problem, but pay attention to the third. Work on slowly getting to know the guy and having a real relationships which means being in close proximity. I can't tell you the number of long distant relationships that end up having a hard time when they are close together.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

coca said:


> Yes I am from Greece, he is from Italy but we met four times throughout the past 8 years ....i know him well


You have not said how much actual time you have spent together, in person, with your boyfriend. But from what you write, you have spent almost no time with him.

I really think you are asking the wrong question. See the issue of your 'complicated mind' should not be an issue because you only need to find one man to marry. Who cares if a lot of men don't like educated women who have 'complicated minds'. You just need to find one man who loves your 'complicated mind' and who loves that you are an educated woman. You are most likely to find this with a man who himself is educated.

But to me your real problem here is that you are in a relationship with a man who you do not know well. Meeting someone 4 times in 8 years does not allow for knowing them well. You are setting yourself up for a disaster. Long distance relationships seldom work out.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

john117 said:


> Unless your countries are very similar I would be more concerned with culture than education level.
> 
> In my culture, however, I would prefer similar education level as mine. Not that it worked in my marriage  but I'm more of the academic intellectual type...


Yes, John......
Me too.

We are uncommonly alike, uh, huh! :grin2:

And we do...
Have a name in common. Your' first, my middle.

You, my culturalist friend, stuck in the middle of me.

Oh, Lordy!


SunCMars-
Taking a second to breath and to respond to another "intellectual", a friend in books, not in looks.
Hopefully, in humor...
I doubt it.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> You have not said how much actual time you have spent together, in person, with your boyfriend. But from what you write, you have spent almost no time with him.
> 
> I really think you are asking the wrong question. See the issue of your 'complicated mind' should not be an issue because you only need to find one man to marry. Who cares if a lot of men don't like educated women who have 'complicated minds'. You just need to find one man who loves your 'complicated mind' and who loves that you are an educated woman. You are most likely to find this with a man who himself is educated.
> 
> But to me your real problem here is that you are in a relationship with a man who you do not know well. Meeting someone 4 times in 8 years does not allow for knowing them well. You are setting yourself up for a disaster. Long distance relationships seldom work out.


You know......

Italy and Greece, they share common blood, common wars, common wealth, common feelings of, about Mensch.
Not common economies, common scales, common wealth, Commonwealth.

On cooking....wow, a plus.

The Greeks and the Italians can sure cook up a storm....
Can cook up a storm, a passion like no other culture.
At home, in the kitchen, in the streets. 
And in bed...with their lovers.

I guess, no, I presume, you love this man with all your heart.
If you do so, then live with him for a while.
Not marry, but do merry, merry things together.
See if love and passion will hold out for the duration.

If these things, love and passion are absent....
Then do not join hands, join bodies, join spirits.

Keep looking for another, another "almost" good enough man.
I am sure you will find one, maybe hundreds.

The Typist-


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

coca said:


> Yes I am from Greece, he is from Italy but we met four times throughout the past 8 years ....i know him well


 Being that you are not that far away, why have you not met more than 4 times? BTW you cant know someone well meeting them 4 times.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Some of the dumbest and most clueless people I know have advanced degrees. 

And some of the smartest and most squared away people I know have technical job training and certificates. 

just say'n.......


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think I get what the OP is saying, though her wording could be better. I don't she is necessarily referring to academic intelligence, though she did mention advanced education, I lean toward her focusing on what I call capable intelligence, or worldly intelligence, or resourceful intelligence. I think when the OP refers to herself as having a "complicated mind" she is referring to her thought process, I bet she is very analytical, logical and practical, good at problem solving, always planning, always curious. She needs a man who's mind is running at a hundred miles an hour, a quick thinker, a guy who can match her on all levels and keep her interested. Some may say she is being arrogant or a narcissist but I think she is being honest with what she needs and wants in a man. 

Just because her current boyfriend is a Chef doesn't mean he couldn't be the right guy for her, but what her post does mean is regardless of the guys career choice she is questioning his ability to match her own, he may have dozens of positive qualities, but if he isn't stimulating her she will become bored.


----------



## coca (Dec 15, 2017)

Thanks Cooper for your reply, that's a close analysis to what I was trying to say. Plus, I am concerned if "he" will be the bored one in this relationship. By the way, I have another mental disorder that I am not sure he will be "always" OK with related to what am saying it is called OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder) which makes even worse when it comes to dealing with anyone not just him. Many other guys who have high degrees are not Ok with it. and NO i am not saying people with high degrees are smarter... I think people who interact with life more are the ones with social intelligence.


As cooper said, I am talking about the "complexity" of how my mind works .... am analytical all the time and so overthinker. This is nt a good thing ... I KNOW ! that's why I am worried. 

Thanks


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

coca said:


> Thanks Cooper for your reply, that's a close analysis to what I was trying to say. Plus, I am concerned if "he" will be the bored one in this relationship. By the way, I have another mental disorder that I am not sure he will be "always" OK with related to what am saying it is called OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder) which makes even worse when it comes to dealing with anyone not just him. Many other guys who have high degrees are not Ok with it. and NO i am not saying people with high degrees are smarter... I think people who interact with life more are the ones with social intelligence.
> 
> 
> As cooper said, I am talking about the "complexity" of how my mind works .... am analytical all the time and so overthinker. This is nt a good thing ... I KNOW ! that's why I am worried.
> ...


coca, that why you have to spend lots of time together so that you can get to know each other properly. Only then will you know if he will be able to deal with the way you are.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Love shouldn’t solely come from ones perception, but much rather, let it come from the depth of ones heart!

Far too often, true love starts with only what is in ones heart, but then slowly escalates to matters of financial signs!*


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post 
Here's one truth: insecure men are afraid of smart or educated women.



Red Sonja said:


> Bingo!


That is often true. However, to be fair, it is also often true that entitled/narcissistic/demanding women will unfairly label the man as "insecure" when he rejects her for those traits.


----------



## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Quote:
> However, to be fair, it is also often true that entitled/narcissistic/demanding women will unfairly label the man as "insecure" when he rejects her for those traits.


To put it more accurately *entitled/narcissistic/demanding people (men and women) *will unfairly label *anyone *who rejects them for any reason.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

coca said:


> Thanks Cooper for your reply, that's a close analysis to what I was trying to say. Plus, I am concerned if "he" will be the bored one in this relationship. By the way, I have another mental disorder that I am not sure he will be "always" OK with related to what am saying it is called OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder) which makes even worse when it comes to dealing with anyone not just him. Many other guys who have high degrees are not Ok with it. and NO i am not saying people with high degrees are smarter... I think people who interact with life more are the ones with social intelligence.
> 
> 
> As cooper said, I am talking about the "complexity" of how my mind works .... am analytical all the time and so overthinker. This is nt a good thing ... I KNOW ! that's why I am worried.
> ...


Wavelength. Now starting to understand - as you two are on two different frequencies, but I don't reckon that would mean a doomed relationship. Opposites can fill the gaps in each other's weaknesses, grow together, and become stronger as a whole.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by turnera View Post
> Here's one truth: insecure men are afraid of smart or educated women.
> 
> ...


Sure. The point, as always, is to find out the truth and have safe, honest, and open conversations.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Why not meet more often? Actually date each other. That is what dating is for, to see if you are right and good for each other. 

And dealing with an OCDP in real life is way different that him just knowing that about you online.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by turnera View Post
> Here's one truth: insecure men are afraid of smart or educated women.
> 
> ...


Very true. I have heard of many educated career women who say that men cant cope dating them supposedly because of their intelligence/career/ambition, so they are still single at 40 or whatever age it is. I always think that maybe they need to look at themselves and their own attitudes and personality to see why they are still single. The fact that they are arrogant enough to even think that, let alone say it, says a lot about their character and why they put men off. 
I think the fact is that they cant get a man so they blame it on men's 'insecurity'.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Actually, male insecurity over strong women is a real thing, psychologically speaking. It's just never been that much of a big deal until women's lib in the '60s meant that women were competing with men for good jobs.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Red Sonja said:


> To put it more accurately *entitled/narcissistic/demanding people (men and women) *will unfairly label *anyone *who rejects them for any reason.




Why didn’t you correct Tuneras Post to make it gender neutral? Are only men insecure?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

turnera said:


> Actually, male insecurity over strong women is a real thing, psychologically speaking. It's just never been that much of a big deal until women's lib in the '60s meant that women were competing with men for good jobs.


It depends on what is meant by a strong woman. I am a very strong woman but I have no degrees and was never that bothered about a career, I just worked to get money to pay the bills. I loved being able to bring my children up and run the home, that was my first love. 
However I am very strong mentally and 'as tough as old boots' as we say in the UK. I have that bulldog spirit that used to be typical of many Brits(and still is to a lesser extent). Also I feel very passionately about things and have very strongly held views and beliefs. It didn't put my husband off at all. He is the most easy going, patient, laid back, content, easy to please man I have ever met, and seems very happy with his strong and determined and passionate wife.:smile2:

I think that for women it depends on how they use that strength and how they act with others. You can have great strength and still treat others with kindness and respect and be a nice person. If you are a dragon who walks all over people and is arrogant and self seeking, then you will make people run a mile and no man will want to know. 

Our Prime minister is a very strong determined lady. She wont suffer fools gladly, but she comes across as a nice decent, moral, caring lady at the same time who has a very happy long term marriage to her husband. You can be both.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

turnera said:


> Actually, male insecurity over strong women is a real thing, psychologically speaking. It's just never been that much of a big deal until women's lib in the '60s meant that women were competing with men for good jobs.


If women handle career hurdles the same way as men I'm good. If only...


----------



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Don't settle.
> 
> Compatibility is the most important factor in successful marriages.
> 
> ...


Not everybody gets to do that! In order to be able to establish strong boundaries and insist on them, you have to be desirable enough to the opposite sex - you have to exhibit all of their must-haves.

In a world that has become more visual than ever, the man who is not tall dark and handsome does not get much choice - he has to evaluate who has any interest in him and select from among the available offerings.

I have to say at this point in my life, the women who have made it clear they're available for me are so riddled with physical health issues that I have no desire to support them, so I am, reluctantly, simply being available for the occasional weekend tryst with the willing.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

A real man is not concerned with your education.
A PhD or a greeter at Walmart, We do not care.
Now as a woman the education differential may mean a lot to you.
If it means a lot to you I think you should let him know. 
I'm sure he'd like the heads up......


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I think that for women it depends on how they use that strength and how they act with others. You can have great strength and still treat others with kindness and respect and be a nice person. If you are a dragon who walks all over people and is arrogant and self seeking, then you will make people run a mile and no man will want to know.


I know that Dragon, intimately.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Here is an issue that may have been overlooked?

In today's world, especially in The States, two incomes are needed to survive, let alone to survive well, do well.

For example, to live in a comfortable home in a safe neighborhood, afford the mortgage and property taxes.
Afford the school for your children if the public ones are not suitable [as is often the case].

Everything is expensive. 
A household with one wage earner, say an engineer, who is subject to forty hours [salaried] and no overtime. 
This is often not enough money to live on and save for retirement and to save for the children's college funds.
Nor enough money to take nice vacations, etc.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Here is an issue that may have been overlooked?
> 
> In today's world, especially in The States, two incomes are needed to survive, let alone to survive well, do well.
> 
> ...


Its even worse I the UK where housing is appallingly expensive. Few couples manage with one wage, in fact its almost unheard of. Mind you sending your child to a private school is only for the very rich here. As for savings, what are they???


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

SunCMars said:


> Here is an issue that may have been overlooked?
> 
> In today's world, especially in The States, two incomes are needed to survive, let alone to survive well, do well.
> 
> ...


Then don't be a wage slave, easy solution


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Then don't be a wage slave, easy solution


I was guilty as charged. A real workhorse, a work-a--holic.
Retirement was extremely hard for me. I retired three times before finally quiting work.

Guilty, as charged,


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

StillSearching said:


> A real man is not concerned with your education.
> A PhD or a greeter at Walmart, We do not care.
> Now as a woman the education differential may mean a lot to you.
> If it means a lot to you I think you should let him know.
> I'm sure he'd like the heads up......



As a man I have to disagree, I do care. Maybe not so much concerned about academic education as I am about someone who has common sense intelligence and resourcefulness. If you're not getting it done in your life I'm simply not going to be interested in you.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DD27 had strict rules on guys she would date. One of them was either a college education/still working on college or else a guy who had made some sort of career for himself that was upwardly mobile, meaning he would take on increasing responsibilities. For her, it was about a man who didn't want to stop learning or growing or improving. She admitted that there's nothing wrong with a guy who's content to be a garbageman his whole life but that, for HER, she needed a partner who was...improving, especially mentally. Because that's who SHE is. She was smart enough to realize she would become resentful.


----------

