# I just don't get her - Advice ?



## rumple9

Split up with ex nearly 2 years ago after catching her cheating, but we still had to live together until the house sold which took 18 months and didn't speak in that time - awful situation. House sold in July 2013 so we've been living physically apart for 4 months now.

She moved her self and our daughter into affair partner's house (who she said was the love of her life, and never knew love like it etc etc) but finished with him and moved out from his into rented accommodation after only 8 weeks later. (GIGS I know!!)

She's now signed up to Match and having one night stands. I've tried to have no contact with her and now have a new lady friend(which she knows about).

Ex is now regularly texting me abuse in in last couple of weeks and this weekend saying I am the love of her life and how much she loves me (I still very much love her despite all she's done).

I just don't know what to think or do ?!


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## Mavash.

Ignore her.

She's just upset that you've moved on.

She doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.


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## ThreeStrikes

PosOM didn't pan out.

Match didn't pan out.

I guess you are plan C or D or something.


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## rumple9

So you think I'm just back up? She knows how much I love her.

Or is she jealous I've met someone else and going out and having fun? (She always said when we split I would go to wrack and ruin and end up a sad lonely old man - which is the complete opposite!)

If she doesn't want me why is she saying she loves me ?


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## ThreeStrikes

You're the back up.


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## Mavash.

rumple9 said:


> Or is she jealous I've met someone else and going out and having fun? (She always said when we split I would go to wrack and ruin and end up a sad lonely old man - which is the complete opposite!)
> 
> If she doesn't want me why is she saying she loves me ?


Her plan of you dying alone and miserable hasn't panned out so what's she's going to do is reel you back in just to dump you when your new girlfriend is out of the picture.

Women like her make me sick.

She doesn't love anyone but herself.


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## rumple9

funny I posted this tonight - shes just been on the phone for the last 45 minutes crying telling me what a **** Ive been, drove her to an affair and asking me to come over !


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## life101

Don't do it man. Stop taking her call unless it is regarding your daughter. Tell her politely to go talk to a counselor.

Seriously, resist the siren's call. You said you still love her. Why man why? Stop this self abuse right now.


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## Dedicated2Her

You drove her to cheat? Dear God, man. Run. Fast. 

You stayed on the phone for 45 minutes with this beast of a person? Why? That in itself is CRAZY.


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## aug

You're divorced. She's toxic. Didn't she give you enough evidence that she lacked self-respect and morals? Didn't she give you evidence she doesn't love you? Go back and read some of your old threads.

You need to question yourself why you think you still love this type of woman.


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## Cooper

If you were to meet this woman today and have her tell you the truth about the last couple years of her life would you fall in love with her? Would you want her as a friend? Would you have any respect for her? Would you trust someone like her? If the answer is yes I feel sorry for you, you have no self worth, if the answer is a big hell no then what you are missing is not the person she is now but the memories of times that were good and the hopes and plans you had for the future. All that has changed now, you have a better life and a new friend, tell her you don't want sloppy seconds. And fight for your daughter, she shouldn't be in a house that has a revolving door for men.

good luck my friend


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## rumple9

Thanks guys 

She has just been on the phone for the last 30 mins again head screwing me about how much she loves me and I have driven her to do bad things !


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## rumple9

Cooper said:


> If you were to meet this woman today and have her tell you the truth about the last couple years of her life would you fall in love with her? Would you want her as a friend? Would you have any respect for her? Would you trust someone like her? If the answer is yes I feel sorry for you, you have no self worth, if the answer is a big hell no then what you are missing is not the person she is now but the memories of times that were good and the hopes and plans you had for the future. All that has changed now, you have a better life and a new friend, tell her you don't want sloppy seconds. And fight for your daughter, she shouldn't be in a house that has a revolving door for men.
> 
> good luck my friend


This man speaks the truth !


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## 6301

rumple9 said:


> Thanks guys
> 
> She has just been on the phone for the last 30 mins again head screwing me about how much she loves me and I have driven her to do bad things !


 Call her and tell her that if you come over your going to do more bad things so she doesn't call you any more. 

When my first wife and I got divorced, she was still at the house being a real pain in the ass like always and she looked at me and said, "when I move out you can come down and take care of my needs (sexual)". By this time I couldn't stand looking at her. Her ugly ways and hurtful things she did made me sick. I looked at her and said, "you got to be kidding me right? If anything, I'm going to find something new...........and good too." Really made my day to see the look on her face.


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## bravenewworld

Danger Will Robinson! Do not engage the crazy. 

Seriously, I know it's hard but don't go down that road. Sounds like your ex thrives on manipulating others to create drama.


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## rumple9

Think she just craves the attention of men but I'm just the best (money, successful, good job etc) would be good to hear what the ladies on here think, because I'm half feeling I have a chance of getting my family back against, my better nature.


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## rumple9

phoned again crying - I am the love of her life she meets other guys but they are not as wonderful as me and I ruined our relationship!


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## bravenewworld

rumple9 said:


> Think she just craves the attention of men but I'm just the best (money, successful, good job etc) would be good to hear what the ladies on here think, because I'm half feeling I have a chance of getting my family back against, my better nature.


I'm a lady and I really think you need to back away and create a life for yourself that does not include her outside of situations related to your daughter. 

Everything you are describing about her past (lying, cheating, manipulation, little to no regard for the feelings of others) does not bode well for any type of healthy future. 

If she was really serious about creating a healthy environment to rebuild your marriage she'd be contacting you via her counselor and PROVING through action (not words or manipulation) the positive changes she is making in her life. 

You never know, it can happen. But don't count on it. Make a life for yourself and six months from now - wherever the chips may fall, you'll be in a much better spot.


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## just got it 55

Twilite Zone Chicks

They make me crazy


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## EnjoliWoman

rumple9 said:


> phoned again crying - I am the love of her life she meets other guys but they are not as wonderful as me and I ruined our relationship!


Another lady here.

If you were so wonderful why did you 'ruin' the relationship? I'm sure you ARE great - just wondering where her logic is? No hope because she isn't taking ANY responsibility for her behavior - YOU caused it. No you didn't. She made bad choices. Her choice could have been to beg you to go to MC, or taken action to resolve your marital issues but she didn't.

Seriously - she's disappointed it didn't work out with AP and she doesn't like where she is right now - emotionally, financially - sounds like a woman who is never alone - flits from man to man. You are the best "so far". As soon as she thinks someone is better (like the AP) she'll be off again. 

You need to learn to not engage. Next time she calls ask her "Is this about the kids/divorce/child support/visitation?" If it does not pertain to any of those things simply say you really don't have anything else to discuss and say goodbye and hang up. 

ONLY talk to her about business that requires the two of you to discuss. Period. As soon as she gets off topic tell her goodbye and that you are going to hang up now and do it.

Every time she calls back and starts crying, whining, etc. ask "Are you calling in reference to XYZ?" No? Then we don't' have anything further to discuss. I need to go now. Goodbye."

Rehearse this. Practice this. Pretty soon you'll feel very much in control - it's a wonderful feeling.


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## Mavash.

rumple9 said:


> Think she just craves the attention of men but I'm just the best (money, successful, good job etc) would be good to hear what the ladies on here think, because I'm half feeling I have a chance of getting my family back against, my better nature.


Woman here. There are two sides of your brain. Emotional and logic. Your emotional side is thinking all sorts of happy thoughts of getting your family back together. What I BEG you to do is listen to your logical side. What is it telling you?


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## 3Xnocharm

rumple9 said:


> Think she just craves the attention of men but I'm just the best (money, successful, good job etc) would be good to hear what the ladies on here think, because I'm half feeling I have a chance of getting my family back against, my better nature.


NO, you dont have a chance of getting your family back. This woman is playing you, she is toxic. STOP TALKING TO HER. PERIOD. Why in god's name are you sitting on the phone for 45 minutes listening to her spew bull$hit at you?? If it isnt regarding your kids, then you need to hang up on her. I kept clinging to my ex's line of crap and he never had real intentions of being back with me, and all it did was prolong my misery and delay my healing. DONT DO IT.


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## Ceegee

Come down from the ledge rumple9.

She's telling you who she is; why aren't you listening?

She's blaming YOU for HER mistakes. 

You want to be a part of this?


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## Hardtohandle

No..

Rumple9 go to her.. RUN.. Cry.. Hug.. Embrace.. Make mad passionate make up sex.. Maybe have a make up baby.. 


AND THEN X amounts months or years later you will be back here again..

Go to therapy.. Find a friend you can talk to in real life that will be there when you are weak, because you are weak and WILL fall back into her arms..

STOP answering your phone.. put her on silent ring tone.. 


Dude.. for 18 months you told us how horrible it was while she was home waiting to sell the house.. All the time she was going to see this other man.. 

NOW.. NOW.... You want her back ??

I think of moonstruck with cher during the slap scene. Snap out of it.. 

Rumple, my wife did this to me 4 fvcking times, before I woke up.. And if I am going to be honest the only reason why I am not with her is because she wouldn't come back.. I didn't understand either how lucky I was..

Today 11 months later I know I am better off.. 19 years wasted except for 2 kids.. But that is my life now.. 

Look you can ALWAYS get back with her.. If this is true, then you can always get back with her.. 

Have her go to therapy and you do the same, BUT NOT TOGETHER.. You do you.. Let her do her.. Trust me you will learn a lot.. 

If in 5 or 6 months you both still feel this way then go for it.. 

I am sure you will not feel the same 5 or 6 months from now..


I loved the person she was.. But not this monster she has become.. It hurts me to know I need to restart my life after 19 years.. But I know its the best thing for me.. 

Wait till you see your next GF.. It she will better then this one you have now.. Again you will see how easy it is..


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## NoWhere

rumple9 said:


> Think she just craves the attention of men but I'm just the best (money, successful, good job etc) would be good to hear what the ladies on here think, because I'm half feeling I have a chance of getting my family back against, my better nature.


 If the divorce and separation wasn't painful enough by all means go back to her. You will get to relive it all when things break down next time. :scratchhead:


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## Ceegee

rumple9 said:


> Think she just craves the attention of men but I'm just the best (money, successful, good job etc) would be good to hear what the ladies on here think, because I'm half feeling I have a chance of getting my family back against, my better nature.


I love to think about getting my family back too.

Then comes the sobering realization that the crazy, BPD, psycho b1tch comes with it. 

It wasn't good before divorce. 

It wasn't good during the divorce. 

It wasn't good after the divorce. 

You're idealizing what could have been. 

Unfortunately, it never could have been. 

If it could have it would have. 

Move on. 

Find better. 

Be happy.


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