# Spyware / Key Logger



## so_sad (Nov 23, 2010)

What is your opinion on spying on your spouse using spyware or key logger or even searching through their phone? 



I think that if you suspect enough to go to these measures you are past the point of searching...


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Well it sure opened my eyes up to a lot of things my spouse was lying about. I guess it just confirmed some of my suspicions. You are right, it is sad to get to that point, but sometimes it is the only way you can know for sure if you spouse is deceiving you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My opinion is once things stop adding up and her stories are so far fetched, and that her secrecy has become a way of life for her, the only choice you have is to bring the problem to light by investigating her actions. A guy can only take so much of the..... " We're fine theres nothing to worry about" of "your crazy theres nothing going on" before he has to find out for him self what is really going on with there spouse.

Some guys take the evidence and leave, some try to work it out. The bottom line is some spouse's needs to be confronted with the black and white proof that you know what there up to. Even then some will still continue to deny.

I find it very rare that a spouse will confess on ther own, its only when there reading there own emails (that you've handed them) stating how much they are in love with the OP, before they admit.

Think about, it why riun a good thing, they have the security & stability of being treated like a wife/husband, and the excitement of going out and being treated like a women/man to an OP they dont have to answer to. Plus what ever void thay have in there marriage is being filled. Why would any spouse want to admit to an affair. And ya they dont want to hurt us.

Go find the proof and fix it!


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I will use whatever measures I have to if I suspect an affair. I couldn't care less about privacy issues. You cheat on me, you lose your right to privacy. I want to know if someone is putting my HEALTH at risk. Key logger, voice activated recorder..whatever. I'll use it. If I were lying to my SO and had a secret life, I'd expect no less from him.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

If there is a suspicion then as they say: All is fair in love and war. And this would be a situation where this statement is simultaneously applicable to both.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I used spyware and keylogger on my H. But i wouldnt do it again. Now i not only pay more attention to how i feel but i respect how i feel. i dont doubt myself. i dont need to know the details of why i may feel estranged from him. i think its more important to respect how you're feeling and take action to protect your heart that does not involve spying or obsessing over your spouse.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

To me, if I get to the point where I have to spy on him like that, then the relationship is broken anyway. Whether it's because he's actually doing something for me to not trust him, or simply because I'm too insecure and have issues, the fact remains that the relationship is broken and needs to either be fixed or ended. 

I have no problem with checking his call log, since we share a phone plan that is in my name, I feel that wouldn't be spying. I don't do it, but I would if I felt I needed to. I have the password to his laptop, but I would never use it that way. 

I can see how some people would feel that they need to spy to confirm their suspicions before they pull the trigger on ending things or confront their spouse about their actions. But, to me, if my suspicions have gotten to the point where I can't talk to myself and see that I'm wrong, and I feel so strongly that he is doing something wrong, then spying isn't necessary. I just need to either end it or simply tell him that we need to go to counseling or whatever.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Sometimes it's a matter of having been cheated on in the past, and you want to make sure they've kept to their word. Especially if they are someone who spends a LOT of time on the computer. Maybe they are having conversations with old girlfriends or female coworkers and they are "just friends" but you want to know for sure because you've been lied to before.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Atruckergirls has some good points, and for some the issue of investigating your SO and the course you take with your relationsip are two seperate issues.

What I mean is there are certain value that each of us has on our relationship, facters being; lenth of relationship, kids, money, and the causes of a problematic relationship.

So just because you find cause to investigate your SO doesn't mean you also have cause to end the relationsship. The possibilty of fixing the problem is there and finding a resolve for repairing the relationship now that some obsticles are brought out to the open.

My take is there are to many variables involved with relationships, that just b/c you find a need to investigate, that the relationship is already over.


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## arbm (Jan 9, 2011)

In an ideal world where everything is perfect there would be no need to resort to spying on your SO, HOWEVER sadly this is not the case..

I think that if I suspected my husband of having an affair i would speak to him, and ask him to be honest and have some respect for myself as a intellagent woman and as his wife, i would hope that he would have that respect to be truthful before this conversation occurs i would make sure he knew we would work something out together ( after i calmed down) 

So if he told me no there was nothing going on but there were still red flags going up to make me believe he was cheating or hiding something by all means i wold go thru his phone ect for my own peace of mind

I think that if this is the option people choses to take they need to have sufficiant evidence to back the spying because if you find there is nothing going on and you SO finds out you have spied your marriage could be over


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Just make sure you have admin rights! I know in my house all laptops and desktops I am the admin, so NO installing anything without me knowing. Because you can't unless you are very computer savvy which non of my family are hackers so that won't be happening.

I see nothing wrong with it.......I do think it is a very clear indicator of what condition the marriage is in though.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

To be honest, I wouldnt use unless I was pretty sure anyway. Imagine the grief if you get found out and it turns out your partner wasnt up to anything?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

pc,
In my case my wife would be happy that I even gave a crap to take the time to look.

As far as grief goes and the OP proven to being honest, it is still a indicator that the marriage needs work, not as much as infidelity but the insecurity that your spy spouse has.


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