# Husband and Female Coworker: NEED A MANSA OPINION



## murderedbynumbers (Sep 18, 2011)

My problem is a complicated one. My husband has been working on an opposite shift w a female. They are only together for less than an hour, a few times a week. He has told me he feels sorry for because nobody else at work likes her. He laughs and jokes w her like a teenager, to the point that his co-workers are now making fun of him behind his back. When I confronted him, he assured me he stopped doing that. After that, maybe 6 weeks, he starts leaving work early and arriving 20-30 minutes before his shift starts. He says it is because he is bored. After I confronted him w that ( he never did that before) he stopped. Now, this female is coming to night shift to work w my husband due to her getting a divorce and needing more time w her child during the day??? When I asked my husband about it, he cussed me out, accused me of being f**** paranoid, and that I have no personality. Well, there are several problems w his story, I feel, and I would like to prove that I am not paranoid and need input on if others see what I see. PLEASE and THANKS!!


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## murderedbynumbers (Sep 18, 2011)

Please guys, I really need some advice.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I see some red flags here. #1 he says he's bored (presumably with you), therefore, he goes to work early. #2. She's apparently got serious problems in her marriage at the same time she's got some sort of relationship with your husband. #3. When confronted with your reasonable concern, he cusses you (disrespect) and attacks your sanity. Two couples involved. One party from each couple appparently has problems with their spouse but they turn to each other for companionship. Maybe it hasn't gotten terribly serious yet but looks like a recipe for problems. In general, if something is bothering you enough for you to mention it to him, you deserve a civil and responsive reply.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You don't say anything about your marriage.


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## murderedbynumbers (Sep 18, 2011)

Marriage: Been married for 20 years. He is Bipolar and has recently been diagnosed w personality disorder. The only real problems in our relationship are when these types of things happen. Yes, it has happened before. He eventually boo-hoos and tells me it is due to his "issues", goes to therapy, and says it will never happen again...and every several months or so, he does something goofy. Roller-coaster. Therapy has been helping some.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

That's rough.

I don't know if having a conversation about it, amounts to a hill of beans, but I think it is absolutely fair for you to make it clear that it hurts you when it appears that he is pulling away.

Or being even more blunt, that you fear his focus on the relationship that he has with this woman can only hurt the relationship between the two of you, and that you want to find ways to avoid that.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Putting medical conditions aside it certainly sounds like there's more to it. The cussing you out and calling you paranoid is text book for someone in an inappropriate relationship (affair), it's called gas lighting. Normally gas lighting is a combination of a tactic to confuse you and a defensive reaction when confronted with what they are doing. IMO, the gas lighting is a pretty big red flag that he's doing something he's not proud of. 

When you say the only real problems in your relationship are when these type things happen, are you saying that he has a pattern of having questionable relationships with other women?


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

Have you asked any of his co-workers about it. They will have a first hand look at what is going on. Might be an easy place to start.


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