# I'm that "crazy gf"



## LoveIsWork (Jan 29, 2012)

Before i start, here is the background of my relationship. Before we got married, my husband and I were together for 3 yrs. During this time, he would have sex with me maybe once every 2 months but watched porn 3-4 times a day, fantasized about every single girl he saw and masturbated to the fantasy, cheated on me (not sex but touching each other), told me he was more sexually attracted to other women than to me...etc.

Well, as you can imagine, this ruined my confidence. Now I feel like that crazy gf. I "demand" that he tells me if he checks out another women, sees naked girls on t.v., comments with his guy friends on a girl, has dreams, fantasies, etc. The thing is, if we were having sex more and he came to me when he was turned on it wouldn't bother me, but because he gets turned on by other women and has to take care of it himself I get so angry. Should I be? If I shouldn't be, how do I control my anger and get myself to understand it's human nature?

Guys - Can a man still find his wife hot and love her but take care of himself to other women instead? He says it's because he's lazy (which he really, really is lazy with EVERYTHING) and that touching himself is easier and requires less work than sex. Could he be telling the truth or am I just not doing it for him? should I be upset or do all men do this?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

All men do not do this.

He's just saying that to make himself feel validated.

He cheated on you. You are married? and he touched another girl? wtf!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LoveIsWork said:


> Guys - Can a man still find his wife hot and love her but take care of himself to other women instead? He says it's because he's lazy (which he really, really is lazy with EVERYTHING) and that touching himself is easier and requires less work than sex. Could he be telling the truth or am I just not doing it for him? should I be upset or do all men do this?


He’s telling you the truth about himself. Most men are not like him. Most men prefer women who are not in pictures. They want to touch and kiss a real woman with hot skin and blood in her veins. Your husband has a porn addiction. He’s sick to be honest.

As for you not doing it for him. This has nothing to do with you, or if you are or not an attractive, sexy woman. This has to do his mental health issues.

I hate to ask this….. but why did you marry a man who does not want to be with a real woman?


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## LoveIsWork (Jan 29, 2012)

He did cheat on me before we were married. He and I were on the rocks, fighting every day and breaking up every other day. He went to Vegas for training for the military and went out to a club with everyone. Some girl asked him to dance and he said no but everyone kept making fun of him and the girl started just dancing on him anyway. He gave in and she started kissing him and touching him. He ended up doing it right back. He called me from the club crying telling me we needed to break up and explained what happened. We didn't talk for a few days and broke up but eventually got back together.

He does have a porn addiction. He told me that 6 months into our relationship and has been working on it ever since. We went to counseling for it and now he has a program on his computer that only I have the password to which blocks porn sites. He is honest with me on the days where he tries to access porn sites and gets denied.

I married him because I really do love him and I know he loves me. He does have an addiction which he is very honest about. He tells me now when he touches himself and he works hard at being completely honest. We can't have sex right now because he got stationed in Korea for a year and I am here in the USA but I am hoping that when he gets back he will have the addiction beat and we will have sex a lot more often than we used to.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> All men do not do this.
> 
> He's just saying that to make himself feel validated.
> 
> He cheated on you. You are married? and he touched another girl? wtf!


And further, you married him after he showed you what kind of man he is. But now you expect him to change? I'm not defending his actions, but its hard for me to understand why you would go into this marriage expecting that big of a change. You H is addicted to porn and random girls it seems. Does your H see a problem with his behavior? If he doesn't it won't change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I'm sorry, but this should have been addressed before you married him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

If his habit is really bad then you could consider rehab. I agree that you should have dealt with this issue before you got married, im guessing that he is used to doing it because you never dealt with it before you got married.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

This is ALL him, not you. You are not crazy. You are not ugly. He has a problem with porn. It doesn't matter what you have at home, he is in Korea now. DO NOT sleep with him when he comes home until he has an HIV test done and you get the results. 

You are fooling yourself to think him being in Korea where the girls are throwing themselves at GI's and US workers, he's going to be celibate. jmo


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## pssa (Jan 3, 2012)

LoveIsWork said:


> I married him because I really do love him and I know he loves me. He does have an addiction which he is very honest about. He tells me now when he touches himself and he works hard at being completely honest. We can't have sex right now because he got stationed in Korea for a year and I am here in the USA but I am hoping that when he gets back he will have the addiction beat and we will have sex a lot more often than we used to.


Sometimes it seems to me that loving someone is absolutely the worst reason to marry someone. I know that sounds pretty counter-intuitive, but love is just not enough. What else do you have besides love? What does love mean to you and to him? We have just one word in the English language that means different things to different people. 

If you think that being away from you for a year in Korea is somehow going to fix his porn addiction, I think you are being very optimistic. Do you think that he just won't think about sex with anyone else while away for a year? The temptations will be many. You've already seen that his military buddies aren't exactly encouraging fidelity. 

Any relationship that goes through multiple break-ups and reunions has DANGER written all over it. I know that sometimes such a relationship can succeed in the end, but I wouldn't bet on it. 

You need to be honest with yourself about who he is and the state of your relationship.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He could be lazy, but my thoughts are that he's not into you. Everything else is excuses and smokescreen. Oh, and he's an @ss, too... That part is real.

As far as the addiction goes, has he been actually diagnosed with an "addiction", or is that merely his excuse? If he's been diagnosed, what form of therapy is he taking to deal with it?

C


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband does not view porn, never has. I looked at the history once in a while. He doesn't ever look at other women when we are together. I really can't see him looking at other women when we are not together. He desires me very much! He not only tells me, he shows me. We have been married for 12 wonderful years.

My first husband slept with any woman who would reciprocate. He was extremely unfaithful and always looked at porn. He always blamed me and said it was my fault he cheated. Always making excuses. He cheated on me before we married, the red flags were there. I knew it deep down, but thought he'd change once we married. He did not and I left

I'm so happy now in our marriage!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LoveIsWork said:


> Before i start, here is the background of my relationship. *Before we got married*, my husband and I were together for 3 yrs. During this time, he would have sex with me maybe once every 2 months but watched porn 3-4 times a day, fantasized about every single girl he saw and masturbated to the fantasy, cheated on me (not sex but touching each other), told me he was more sexually attracted to other women than to me...etc.
> 
> Well, as you can imagine, this ruined my confidence.


Why did you marry him?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

LoveIsWork said:


> Before we got married, my husband and I were together for 3 yrs. During this time, he would have sex with me maybe once every 2 months but watched porn 3-4 times a day, fantasized about every single girl he saw and masturbated to the fantasy, cheated on me (not sex but touching each other), told me he was more sexually attracted to other women than to me...etc.


And in some twisted way, you expected this to change after marriage?
I always wonder why people expect a wedding ring to change their partner for the better...


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## Heartbroken19 (Feb 1, 2012)

I am sorry that is hard  My husband watches porn when i don't want sex and it makes me sick. Have you tried to express your feelings to him?


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## applelemon (Jan 17, 2012)

LoveIsWork said:


> Guys - Can a man still find his wife hot and love her but take care of himself to other women instead? He says it's because he's lazy (which he really, really is lazy with EVERYTHING) and that touching himself is easier and requires less work than sex. Could he be telling the truth or am I just not doing it for him? should I be upset or do all men do this?


I am a woman but I can tell you all men do NOT do what your husband does. Most men like having sex, with another living breathing body.

You said so yourself, your H has a porn addiction, which you knew about before you got married. It seems odd to me that you are surprised by some of those problems you are mentioning now.

With any addiction or behavioral problem, the person has to want to change first. You cannot force change upon them. He clearly does not want to change at the moment, and I think being away in Korea is only going to make your relationship troubles worse.

Does he still seek help from a professional? If he is willing it may be best to take these problems up with a professional therapist who is familiar with porn/sexual addiction. Other than that I don't see what else you could do. The problem is clearly with him, not you, so don't think you are "crazy." Again, I have to emphasize that you can't force change. He has to want to do it for himself. If that doesn't work out you may need to explore your options for your future.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

LoveIsWork said:


> *Before i start, here is the background of my relationship. Before we got married, my husband and I were together for 3 yrs. During this time, he would have sex with me maybe once every 2 months but watched porn 3-4 times a day, fantasized about every single girl he saw and masturbated to the fantasy, cheated on me (not sex but touching each other), told me he was more sexually attracted to other women than to me...etc.*
> 
> Well, as you can imagine, this ruined my confidence. Now I feel like that crazy gf. I "demand" that he tells me if he checks out another women, sees naked girls on t.v., comments with his guy friends on a girl, has dreams, fantasies, etc. The thing is, if we were having sex more and he came to me when he was turned on it wouldn't bother me, but because he gets turned on by other women and has to take care of it himself I get so angry. Should I be? If I shouldn't be, how do I control my anger and get myself to understand it's human nature?
> 
> Guys - Can a man still find his wife hot and love her but take care of himself to other women instead? He says it's because he's lazy (which he really, really is lazy with EVERYTHING) and that touching himself is easier and requires less work than sex. Could he be telling the truth or am I just not doing it for him? should I be upset or do all men do this?


 

There is so much wrong with the first paragraph that you shouldn't have even moved from girlfriend to married. You should have just MOVED ON period. There is something wrong when a man chooses more fantacy EJAC (3 or 4 times a day!!) over the person he has a relationship with. He has a problem. That is just not normal. What type of relationship were you in before you met him if I may ask?


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