# The Guy That Takes Care of You



## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

How many of you would want a guy that worked, and took care of you, as opposed of you having to work or go to school? Would you be fine with this, or would you want to work and go to school and not have a man take care of you in this manner. Have him bring him the money, doing the working, as you would be the house wife etc. Would you again be accepting of this or not? What do you think of men who are alright with this sort of relationship?


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Seems to work for Ward and June Cleaver.....


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Nataly, get a job and move out of your parents house. No man is going to want to "keep" you like that, since you aren't even willing to have children for him.

Oh, and you don't want to have sex either...good luck with that.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

If the budget allows for only one of you to work outside the home, that's great. I enjoy being a housewife and mom. My hubby works so hard to provide well for us financially, and I work hard to take care of the other stuff.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

He works, cleans the house, do laundry, cooks and pay the bills. Then, what do I do all day? Does take care of the kids too?

I don't think I would want that. I am a SAHM, for over 10 years. He works and brings home the money. I work at everything else. It's a partnership, not indenturedship. 

I don't want a man like that, who does everything. Then, what am I contributing to our lives? I would feel like I am not doing my share. I would feel useless.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I would imagine all you would be doing is replacing one parent for another type of parent. I taught my girls that a man can be replaced but an education is permanent, and has the ability to bring you further in life than man.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It sounds like your parents have gotten fed up with you so you're desperately trying to find someone to take you in and keep you in the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed.

Contrary to your opinion that guys not being interested in you is not your fault, it really is. They can smell a user a mile away.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It is best of each person can manage on their own if they need to. That way the marriage is out of choice, not out of necessity.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Please buy the book....









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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

There is nothing wrong with a marriage where the man is the breadwinner and the wife is the homemaker.

There is something slightly off in the way you phrase your question, however, because you seem to be implying that when the man is the wage earner, while the wife is a full time mom/homemaker, he's "working" and she's not.

Stay at home moms and housewives perform the jobs of several people, and they are on duty 24/7/365. Research has shown that if they were paid for their services, they would be earning upward of $90K per year. https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/b...s-real-salary/2012/02/01/gIQAh7czhQ_blog.html

So don't make the mistake of assuming that just because she's not getting paid, she's not "working." You may be taking care of her financially, but she's taking care of you in every other way. You're still ahead of the game.

Meanwhile, keep in mind that she's doing this at great risk to herself, because if you should decide to pick up and leave her, she will be left in a ditch.

So have a little respect for working partners who don't work for a living, but who, instead, work for YOU. 

And while you're at it, go call your mom and thank her for all her unpaid labor in raising you.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

AngelHeart888 said:


> Stay at home moms and housewives perform the jobs of several people, and they are on duty 24/7/365. Research has shown that if they were paid for their services, they would be earning upward of $90K per year. https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/b...s-real-salary/2012/02/01/gIQAh7czhQ_blog.html


That's a BS statistic. There is a huge difference between a professional chef and a mom pouring a bowl of cereal for her kids for breakfast. There's a big difference between a taxi driver that goes where he's told, when he's told, and a SAHM that can arrange her schedule so she can stop by the gym (of course using the free child care services there) on the way home from the grocery store. I could go on, but you get the point. 

The real value of a SAHM is not monetary. It's that she gets to raise her own kids instead of paying someone else to do it for her. Nataly, if you aren't planning on having and raising kids then there is no reason for you to stay at home and not contribute. That's just plain lazy.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

musicdiva said:


> How many of you would want a guy that worked, and took care of you, as opposed of you having to work or go to school? Would you be fine with this, or would you want to work and go to school and not have a man take care of you in this manner. Have him bring him the money, doing the working, as you would be the house wife etc. Would you again be accepting of this or not? What do you think of men who are alright with this sort of relationship?


If I had to work, I don't think it would be worth being married.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

musicdiva said:


> How many of you would want a guy that worked, and took care of you, as opposed of you having to work or go to school? Would you be fine with this, or would you want to work and go to school and not have a man take care of you in this manner. Have him bring him the money, doing the working, as you would be the house wife etc. Would you again be accepting of this or not? What do you think of men who are alright with this sort of relationship?


I went to school and got my degrees before I got married.

If there are no kids, I would not want to not work. I'd want to keep my skills in the workplace and contribute monetarily to the relationship and for my life.

I was a SAHM for 13 years when there were little ones to take care of.

I think a young man would be interested in an educated partner who was employed, if there were no kids. It's unusual to find one who wants to be the sole earner without kids.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

jld said:


> If I had to work, I don't think it would be worth being married.


Ohreally. Then I hope Dug's job future remains steady. I imagine he might not appreciate being out of a job AND a marriage.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

jld said:


> If I had to work, I don't think it would be worth being married.


Please tell us you're joking...:nerd:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

jld said:


> If I had to work, I don't think it would be worth being married.


:surprise::surprise::surprise:

Words fail me. I'm so sorry you think this way.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Did you tell SMG about this book too? :|


I did, he said he'd read it but wouldn't pay for it! 

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

AngelHeart888 said:


> There is nothing wrong with a marriage where the man is the breadwinner and the wife is the homemaker.
> 
> There is something slightly off in the way you phrase your question, however, because you seem to be implying that when the man is the wage earner, while the wife is a full time mom/homemaker, he's "working" and she's not.
> 
> ...


*If that's truly the case, then we had better start issuing our stay-at-home spouses W-2's or 1099-MISC's!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

Well I saw on a TV show this one guy, was the one to work, and his girl was the stay at home mom, and they didn't mind that set up. So there are some males and females out there who believe in this set up.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

musicdiva said:


> Well I saw on a TV show this one guy, was the one to work, and his girl was the stay at home mom, and they didn't mind that set up. So there are some males and females out there who believe in this set up.


It works great, especially if you have kids.

The man has to be trustworthy, though. Otherwise it is too risky.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Why Women Should Be Financially Independent
Read more: https://www.naij.com/49797.htmlhttps://www.naij.com/49797.html

Personally, I love my H. So I want to be able to support HIM in case he ever wasn't able to work. Or just has enough and wants to retire.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

musicdiva said:


> Well I saw on a TV show this one guy, was the one to work, and his girl was the stay at home mom, and they didn't mind that set up. So there are some males and females out there who believe in this set up.


Is it that rare that you only see it on TV?


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## LaceyW (Jun 21, 2016)

AngelHeart888 said:


> There is nothing wrong with a marriage where the man is the breadwinner and the wife is the homemaker.
> 
> There is something slightly off in the way you phrase your question, however, because you seem to be implying that when the man is the wage earner, while the wife is a full time mom/homemaker, he's "working" and she's not.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. My H is the SAHH and I am the breadwinner. If it weren't for his medical issues, I know he would work, but it's unfeasible. A marriage is supposed to be about teamwork. When I'm not working, I help out around the house and do whatever I can so that he has a day off. Being a SAH is 24/7, there's no luxury of vacation or calling in sick. Having done this myself for about 5 years, it's not easy. So to treat someone who is a SAH like they don't count simply because they don't bring any money is inconsiderate at the least. 

As to the OP, the relationship you are asking about seems to me like that of someone with their pet. I would think that you offer something to this person who feels it worth it for them to keep you a kept person. Good luck.

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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

GorillaT said:


> Ohreally. Then I hope Dug's job future remains steady. I imagine he might not appreciate being out of a job AND a marriage.


If a woman has to raise the kids, take care of the house and earn the money, why would she need the guy?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

GorillaT said:


> Ohreally. Then I hope Dug's job future remains steady. I imagine he might not appreciate being out of a job AND a marriage.


I don't mean _now._ I certainly would not leave him now over losing his job.

But back when we were first together, if he had expected me to work after having children, I don't think life with him would have looked as appealing.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

jld said:


> I don't mean _now._ I certainly would not leave him now over losing his job.
> 
> But back when we were first together, if he had expected me to work after having children, I don't think life with him would have looked as appealing.


If I remember correctly, you went to college to be a teacher. You and your husband made the decision that you would stay home to take care of the kids. You were not ever planning on being a kept woman. I think that was the best thing for your family. 

I was lucky to do that too. I didn't join the workforce again until my youngest entered kindergarten. I resumed my teaching career then.

I'm very glad I did as I didn't have the wonderful husband you have Jld. Mine went nuts at midlife. I'm very glad your family has reaped the benefits and appreciate your selfless choice of staying home for the benefit of all.:smile2:

It is difficult to give your trust that another will always honor their word of taking care of you if you decide to stay at home. Many of us were not that lucky even if we completely trusted our partners. 

Please find a way to support yourself first Musicdiva. Like that if you decide to trust a partner that you can stay home and later he doesn't honor that; you won't be left abandoned and destitute. Love yourself enough to plan ahead just in case.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Bibi1031 said:


> If I remember correctly, you went to college to be a teacher. You and your husband made the decision that you would stay home to take care of the kids. You were not ever planning on being a kept woman. I think that was the best thing for your family.
> 
> I was lucky to do that too. I didn't join the workforce again until my youngest entered kindergarten. I resumed my teaching career then.
> 
> ...


I am sorry you and Musicdiva have not been fully supported. It saddens me to see many women being taken advantage of. I know there are exceptions and someone here will have an anecdote about a poor guys being shafted by a woman. But, usually, it is the woman that is at the short end of the stick.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Duguesclin said:


> I am sorry you and Musicdiva have not been fully supported. It saddens me to see many women being taken advantage of. I know there are exceptions and someone here will have an anecdote about a poor guys being shafted by a woman. But, usually, it is the woman that is at the short end of the stick.


Thank you Dug.:smile2:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Duguesclin said:


> I am sorry you and Musicdiva have not been fully supported. It saddens me to see many women being taken advantage of. I know there are exceptions and someone here will have an anecdote about a poor guys being shafted by a woman. But, usually, it is the woman that is at the short end of the stick.


Musicdiva lives at home with her parents, barely employed, doesnt drive, 28 yr old virgin who never wants children. She wants to continue to sit at home while her husband supports her...not sure why she thinks she is entitled to everyone else taking care of her.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

musicdiva said:


> Well I saw on a TV show this one guy, was the one to work, and his girl was the stay at home mom, and they didn't mind that set up. So there are some males and females out there who believe in this set up.


"Stay at home MOM" implies she has children! Not the same as a woman who just doesnt want to work and sits home. And seriously, you have only seen this on a TV show??


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## LaceyW (Jun 21, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> Musicdiva lives at home with her parents, barely employed, doesnt drive, 28 yr old virgin who never wants children. She wants to continue to sit at home while her husband supports her...not sure why she thinks she is entitled to everyone else taking care of her.


Where the heck is your independence?! You're " I don't need anyone to take care of me" attitude?! I don't mean to be harsh, but grow a backbone. You sound like you are scared of failing in the world, and while it can be tough at times it sounds like you will always have the support of your family if you ever need it. But you'll never know if you don't try. 

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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

LaceyW said:


> Where the heck is your independence?! You're " I don't need anyone to take care of me" attitude?! I don't mean to be harsh, but grow a backbone. You sound like you are scared of failing in the world, and while it can be tough at times it sounds like you will always have the support of your family if you ever need it. But you'll never know if you don't try.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


She reminds me of the movie "failure to launch." The guy was well past the leave mom and dad's home and get your own place dude! He was just too comfortable smooching off of mom and dad. 

What will happen to you Musicdiva if your parents are no longer available to take you in? What if it's not in your life cards to find a life Partner?

Have you put some thought into that? There is no guarantee in life that you will get what you want.


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

If you are an amazing wife and mother a man will keep you this way. I was a stay at home mother whilst my kids were young but I finished my college degree at the same time. As soon as my kids went to school I began work in my profession. In order to provide for your children you cannot sit at home forever unless you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth. My husband was also older than me, didn't want his kids in care or a wife without a degree.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

AngelHeart888 said:


> Stay at home moms and housewives perform the jobs of several people, and they are on duty 24/7/365. Research has shown that if they were paid for their services, they would be earning upward of $90K per year. https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/b...s-real-salary/2012/02/01/gIQAh7czhQ_blog.html


I'm sorry but that is BS. I'm a SAHM and it's statements like this that are part of the reason we don't always get the validation/recognition - whatever some of us seem to need. I myself don't require any. My husband and I are both very happy with the way our home life is and don't feel the need to discuss it with anyone else.

We are not "on duty" 24/7. PARENTS, working or not, are "on duty" 24/7. There are times in the night that our daughter wakes up and cries out, sometimes she wants me, sometimes she wants her daddy. We're both "on duty" 24/7.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> Musicdiva lives at home with her parents, barely employed, doesnt drive, 28 yr old virgin who never wants children. She wants to continue to sit at home while her husband supports her...not sure why she thinks she is entitled to everyone else taking care of her.


There is a reason why she cannot find someone, because she only wants to use them. 
There is a previous thread where she is verbally abusive to a previous boyfriend because she wanted to control how he spent HIS money! 
Everything is to be spent on her. God forbid if he has a hobby or wants to start a business. 
So a guy taking care of her means that he is simply a wallet, who gets no sex until the wedding night and then probably none after. 
Plus she doesn't want children, so what entitles you to stay at home?
Men are completely capable of cooking & cleaning. 

Nataly your ideas are completely warped when it comes to relationships, sex & marriage. 



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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I have very much enjoyed the years where I was able to stay home with our growing children... Outside of a few yrs, I've always had small side jobs though...

If my husband had his way.. I'd always be in the home... it was more me who said "We need more money" and I'd take on this job or that....there was a time he complained I was never home, when we had our 1st son... he'd come home.. I'd be off with a kiss (so we didn't have to pay babysitters)...

He would tell me we didn't need the extra money....in his world, the ideal is for the man to be the breadwinner..to protect & provide (this is how he was raised), and allow the Mother to stay at home -if this was her desire (actually it was mine -as I wanted a larger family)

Just as some feel it's important that the MAN be faithful and good if a woman is not earning for herself (seeing great *risk* for the woman)..... it's just as important for the man to marry a Faithful woman who isn't going to take him to the cleaners and destroy everything he has built for the family...that he doesn't end up loosing his home & half he worked for....

He has never pressured me that I wasn't living up to some Modern standard of feminism being married to him, that I am lessor without bringing home an equal amount of bacon.... at the same time ...He'd support me in anything I wanted to do.. he just wants my happiness & a smooth running of our family.. I work many more hours of late...things are getting busy.. more Rushed around here... but we make it work.. do I miss some of those years where things were more carefree.. laid back... I [email protected]#

But we do what we have to do.. to take care of the family.. 2 sons in college...I need to contribute more so...he still would rather have me home.. it's more my idea to get out there ... I dearly love this man for allowing me this freedom.. One thing he well knows about me though.. I'm not lazy.. and if there is any hint of us using too much of our savings.. I'd be working my rear end off to build that back up... but if we can afford it....this is a preferred lifestyle for us.. most especially when the children were young & needed cared for.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I take very good care of my wife. She wants for nothing. BUT....she treats me like a king, always has. Even when I was flat broke. This type of relationship can work well when both parties feel appreciated. No man wants to feel like he is just an ATM.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Musicdiva lives at home with her parents, barely employed, doesnt drive, 28 yr old virgin who never wants children. She wants to continue to sit at home while her husband supports her...not sure why she thinks she is entitled to everyone else taking care of her.


She does host a music web site where she interviews and photographs bands in the LA area.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ReformedHubby said:


> I take very good care of my wife. She wants for nothing. BUT....she treats me like a king, always has. Even when I was flat broke. This type of relationship can work well when both parties feel appreciated. No man wants to feel like he is just an ATM.


I almost hate to say this because people will roll their eyes ... but I treat my husband like a King.. what ever he wants.. I make it happen... he deserves it.. and he's always treated me like a Queen.. 

You mentioned *Appreciation*... that's the key...there is great appreciation there for what each of us bring.. when 2 has the attitude of "teamwork" and serving each other.. both are left feeling very loved & cared for.. 

We're not a rich family.. but I can't say we have need of anything either.. We've done very well for ourselves, considering our lower Middle class income. 

Now if we can just get all the kids through college...this is what I worry about the most.


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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

frusdil said:


> I'm sorry but that is BS. I'm a SAHM and it's statements like this that are part of the reason we don't always get the validation/recognition - whatever some of us seem to need. I myself don't require any. My husband and I are both very happy with the way our home life is and don't feel the need to discuss it with anyone else.
> 
> We are not "on duty" 24/7. PARENTS, working or not, are "on duty" 24/7. There are times in the night that our daughter wakes up and cries out, sometimes she wants me, sometimes she wants her daddy. We're both "on duty" 24/7.


Good for you! And that is the way it should be.
However, I have found, in my experience, that that is not how it is. The SAHM ends up being the primary caretaker and is the first one "on-call" mainly because of availability. However, every situation is unique. Some husbands are more hands-on when it comes to household matters and parenting.

The fact that PARENTS are both on duty does not invalidate the SAHM's 24/7 responsibilities. 

"My husband and I are both very happy with the way our home life is and don't feel the need to discuss it with anyone else."

Yet you are doing just that, and you sound awfully defensive about it...

:laugh:


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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

"...if we can afford it....this is a preferred lifestyle for us.. most especially when the children were young & needed cared for."

Exactly.

It is a preferred lifestyle, and one that makes sense, when there are children who need care, and the husband's income far outweighs the wife's potential earnings outside of the home. Often, it makes little financial sense... after you pay for daycare/nanny and taxes, to get a paying job unless you have a high-paying career.

Of course, to each his own, ladies and gentleman. What I have a beef with is the suggestion that a woman is lazy because she stays at home and doesn't contribute MONETARILY to the partnership, when in fact she contributes in terms of free labor, and the partnership makes sense economically because each contributes with their strongest complimentary skills. 

This is one of the reasons marriages are financially more efficient than single households. And one of the reasons divorce is detrimental, especially when children are present.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AngelHeart888 said:


> Good for you! And that is the way it should be.
> However, I have found, in my experience, that that is not how it is. *The SAHM ends up being the primary caretaker and is the first one "on-call" mainly because of availability. However, every situation is unique. Some husbands are more hands-on when it comes to household matters and parenting.*


 I think a couple needs to find their own Niche.. what works for them... here is how it is was for us -when we had little ones... (at one point we had 4 kids 6 yrs old & under)...

When we were dating.. I told my husband.. I hated being an only child.. I wanted at LEAST 3 kids.. and if one wasn't a girl.... I wanted to keep going.. 

I'll never forget what he said.. he told me .. I can have as many as I wanted "so long as I took care of them".. what he meant was.. NOT whining, complaining they are too much work, expecting him to get up in the middle of the night if he's the one working.. (we didn't have this discussion in reality.. but I KNEW what it meant to me.. that I was to BE that primary woman who handled these babies)... and I invited it 100%... he kept his end of the bargain (even after yrs of infertility- he supported me through it all).. and I kept mine... 

This is ME speaking for myself only -not anyone else.... I have always thought my husband's role was Harder...getting up every day at 6:am.. braving icy roads in the winter... physical labor jobs, sometimes he'll pull a 16 hr... THIS MAN NEEDED HIS SLEEP ..... I could grab a few hours here & there, and really our kids were so easy... 

Truth is.. I've always had a lot of pi$$ & vinegar energy ....I worked 10 hrs yesterday, going out for 12 tonight.. then another 12 tomorrow....(I should probably be sleeping right now.. I'm just not tired)....

He's a great dad and hands on in ways I very much appreciate... like playing boring Board games for hours (Monopoly anyone), and helping them with their homework.. I hate it.. I hate it.. I hate it.. 

But when it came to changing diapers.. feedings.. unless I was sick.. I did 95% of this ...if I was home, it was me.. I used cloth diapers on our 1st 3.. he didn't want to mess with those...

My goal every day was to get most everything done before he walked through the door...as this didn't stop me from having those "Honey to do" lists.. so I needed to have my end done... so I could help HIM with some of those bigger projects when he got home...

I'm the type that would be pretty upset if he was messing with the kids, when we needed to get something done (car repairs , house repairs).... I'd be standing there "cracking the whip".. this may sound bad.. but really.. that didn't happen... he was "on it"... we worked together very well.. doing our parts .. for a smooth running of our household..


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

That is what most of us believe as well @AngelHeart888. What most of us disagree on is that OP thinks being a kept woman will win her smooching off a poor man that is so darn greatful she loves him that he won't mind taking him for all he has while she sits home and eats bonbons so to speak because she is uneducated, feels entitled, won't have sex with him, and won't have children either. What man would want that long term? I have a feeling that with her way of thinking she will die an old maid by choice!:surprise:

She is almost 30 and has been engaged twice, but no marriage and no kept woman lifestyle yet. Where does she think this is headed...not happily ever after, that is for sure!

Either this person is a troll, or she has a few loose screws to try the same thing over and over and expect a different result. 

My crystal ball sees old maid in her future.:wink2:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Duguesclin said:


> If a woman has to raise the kids, take care of the house and earn the money, why would she need the guy?


Well plenty of guys do this so.......


No one of the opposite sex needs the other but we do compliment one another for certain. If a woman was only interested in my paycheck I wouldn't be interested in her period.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

AngelHeart888 said:


> Of course, to each his own, ladies and gentleman. What I have a beef with is the suggestion that a woman is lazy because she stays at home and doesn't contribute MONETARILY to the partnership, when in fact she contributes in terms of free labor, and the partnership makes sense economically because each contributes with their strongest complimentary skills.


There are many many threads here about the SAHM that does essentially nothing. No cleaning, cooking, errands etc. Or threads about the wife the does not want to work but kids are out of house or beyond age of needing care. Many of those husbands think their wives are lazy and they are probably right. 

Now, for the guys that accept that arrangement or financially do not need the wife to work, then good for them.

BTW, my statements hold even if you reverse the genders.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

AngelHeart888 said:


> Good for you! And that is the way it should be.
> However, I have found, in my experience, that that is not how it is. The SAHM ends up being the primary caretaker and is the first one "on-call" mainly because of availability. However, every situation is unique. Some husbands are more hands-on when it comes to household matters and parenting.
> 
> The fact that PARENTS are both on duty does not invalidate the SAHM's 24/7 responsibilities.
> ...


No I said that because I wasn't going to post at length about how we do things in our home, but that obviously went over your head. SAHM's are not on call 24/7, that is utter bs. Perhaps the ones who feel they are, need to rethink their choice of husband?? And yes, I'm the primary carer in our household.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I would never want to have this arrangement personally. In fact my mom stayed home and stills does and it caused a lot of problems for her. it was one of those things that as a teenage girl I vowed to myself never to turn into my mother (we all do don't we?) and I worked hard not to become her. I told my husband no matter what to never let me stay home, just because i had a bad experience with it watching my mom. My husband wouldn't care if I stayed home as long as I was happy. I think there are a lot of men who if made good money would like their wife to stay home if that's something they wanted. 

The problem with staying home in my opinion, is after the kids are all grown up I think it's a hard transition for them. Not all of them. To me. Working part time is the best of both worlds, working but having time to be with the kids and to run the house.


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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

frusdil said:


> No I said that because I wasn't going to post at length about how we do things in our home, but that obviously went over your head. SAHM's are not on call 24/7, that is utter bs. Perhaps the ones who feel they are, need to rethink their choice of husband?? And yes, I'm the primary carer in our household.


Perhaps you're right. And I'm sure there are some SAHMs who do not work as hard, or do their share, and are the proverbial "kept wives," which is one thing that gives SAHMs a bad rep. Then, of course, you have the media, with shows like "The Real Housewives of.... " which IS utter BS, because these women are neither REAL nor Housewives.

The truth is, SAHMs on average still don't get the credit and respect they deserve for the role they perform, and some of the comments in this thread are reflective of that. American society equates success closely with money, and while SAHMs may work plenty, they do not earn any money for their work, and are therefore less valued. Unfortunately. Hopefully, that is not the case in their individual households/families, and it sounds like you are one of the lucky ones, for which I'm sure you feel blessed.

Ironically, when it comes to success and money, these days we own more possessions than we ever have in history, our homes are bigger, our cars are bigger and more numerous, and our children are over-scheduled. We have more STUFF than ever.

We are also more stressed, more anxious, and more depressed than we have ever been, and we are growingly dysfunctional. 

How's that for success?


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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

@Bibi1031, I would have to agree that those are certainly outrageously unrealistic expectations. (And more along the lines of a parent-child relationship, than a man-woman/couple relationship.) 

Funny... I thought the OP was a man, looking for a woman who would go for that kind of arrangement... LOL!!!




(Re-read OP.... I see.)


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

AngelHeart888 said:


> Perhaps you're right. And I'm sure there are some SAHMs who do not work as hard, or do their share, and are the proverbial "kept wives," which is one thing that gives SAHMs a bad rep. Then, of course, you have the media, with shows like "The Real Housewives of.... " which IS utter BS, because these women are neither REAL nor Housewives.
> 
> The truth is, SAHMs on average still don't get the credit and respect they deserve for the role they perform, and some of the comments in this thread are reflective of that. American society equates success closely with money, and while SAHMs may work plenty, they do not earn any money for their work, and are therefore less valued. Unfortunately. Hopefully, that is not the case in their individual households/families, and it sounds like you are one of the lucky ones, for which I'm sure you feel blessed.
> 
> ...


I agree with this 100%.  And yes, I am indeed one of the lucky ones. I'll also say that a SAHP who does their job well, is worth their weight in gold


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

frusdil said:


> I'm sorry but that is BS. I'm a SAHM and it's statements like this that are part of the reason we don't always get the validation/recognition - whatever some of us seem to need. I myself don't require any. My husband and I are both very happy with the way our home life is and don't feel the need to discuss it with anyone else.
> 
> We are not "on duty" 24/7. PARENTS, working or not, are "on duty" 24/7. There are times in the night that our daughter wakes up and cries out, sometimes she wants me, sometimes she wants her daddy. We're both "on duty" 24/7.


SAHP are on call 24/7 and yes it would cost a fortune to pay for this to be outsourced. If your husband was single then he would have to pay for childcare. However in a fair and balanced home it is not an issue. Whoever is at home more should take on the house keeping and child related things and then when the other parent is home it should be 50/50. Too often we hear of the SAHP also doing everything even when the other parent is at home or the working parent coming home and then taking on most if not all tasks, neither is a fair scenario.

And to be fair to the discussion Frusdil, while you are an amazing step parent you have one school aged child in the home on a part time basis. You have a great set up but it in no way compares to those that have multiple children on a full time basis. 

It is grossly untrue to say that there is not a real monetary value of the SAHP. It may be $90k it may be more or less if the role had to be outsourced. Why do you think that there is a such a growing band of Grand Parents that now look after their GK's? Because the cost of child care is prohibitive for many. Not only the cost but the hours that kids are in school and then after school activities makes it very hard for many parents to get a regular 9-5 job and still afford childcare.

Trust me, as they get older the 24/7 becomes even more real.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> SAHP are on call 24/7 and yes it would cost a fortune to pay for this to be outsourced. If your husband was single then he would have to pay for childcare. However in a fair and balanced home it is not an issue. Whoever is at home more should take on the house keeping and child related things and then when the other parent is home it should be 50/50. Too often we hear of the SAHP also doing everything even when the other parent is at home or the working parent coming home and then taking on most if not all tasks, neither is a fair scenario.
> 
> *And to be fair to the discussion Frusdil, while you are an amazing step parent you have one school aged child in the home on a part time basis. You have a great set up but it in no way compares to those that have multiple children on a full time basis. *
> 
> ...


We actually have her full time, she's special needs and she's home schooled...so, yes it does compare with others.

I never said a SAHP contributes nothing to the household?? My beef is with the 24/7 on call thing. It's just not true. Well, it is true of parents, not just SAHP.

As I also said a SAHP who does their job well is worth their weight in gold.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

frusdil said:


> We actually have her full time, and she's home schooled...
> 
> I never said a SAHP contributes nothing to the household?? My beef is with the 24/7 on call thing. It's just not true. Well, it is true of parents, not just SAHP.
> 
> As I also said a SAHP who does their job well is worth their weight in gold.


So her Mum gave her up? That's sad.

The quote you called out was relating to the monetary equivalent of SAHPs which I happen to agree with, there would be a huge cost to outsource.

I am glad you have never had to experience what it is like to be on 24/7 but it absolutely happens. Two of mine solo slept for about 2 hours in total out of every 24 hours for the first 3 years of their lives. The other couple of hours of sleep they got happened while in my arms as I sat upright in a chair over night. Not only that I was BF and lived on a restricted diet consisting mainly of rice and bananas so they did not react. Not everyone has a simple parenting gig.

Then life got easier so the hands on stuff was more like 18/7. Then they got to school age so life got a bit more relaxed but then it became about driving a *minimum *of 3 hours most days to and from school etc. plus all the other household jobs.

Now they are teenagers and the driving on my part is down to about 2 hrs when they are with me but I also have 2 extra teenagers now plus a 3rd arriving next year. And teenagers are fun because they start going out so I might be up at 2am to go and pick them up. 

It is not a level playing field you are talking about. You may not have to put in so many hours but plenty of parents do. If you had multiple children do you think you would have a lot more work to do?


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

What makes me sad about your posts is that you have no motivation to make ANYTHING of your own life. How can one person just sit there all day and not want better for themselves? I really think you need a lot of therapy NOT a man.
Also your posts make me incredibly angry because you sound exactly like my brother's good-for-nothing girlfriend. She literally sits on her expansive backside each and every day while he works his fingers to the bone, but alas this says more about HIM than her.
If I ever come across as harsh you could understand why.
Anyway you come here for advice and we all tell you the same thing. You need help not a boyfriend, also you need to get a job and learn to be more independent because one day you will end up on your own. A lot of the advise you have been receiving I would gladly tell my daughters so maybe start paying attention.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

All this SAHM, 24/7, $90k talk is interesting for debate, but none of this relates to OP. She is not a SAHM. She does not want kids. She does not want to work outside the home, not so that she can raise the kids. She just does not want to work AT ANYTHING. She does not want to further her education. She won't have "sex" until she is married. 

She is 28 maybe 29 by now. Her parents may be late 50's? At some point they either will want to travel, or kick her out, or pass away etc and she will need to be supported by someone else, unless her parents leave her with a bunch of money. So she posts this thread to ask us if we think such a guy out there exists that will want to support her.

Her life will improve greatly if she would just get job, even minimum wage. She will make friends, learn social skills, and I would 100% guarantee get some dates from either her coworkers, or persons/friends the coworkers set her up with.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> *All this SAHM, 24/7, $90k talk is interesting for debate, but none of this relates to OP. She is not a SAHM. She does not want kids. She does not want to work outside the home, not so that she can raise the kids. She just does not want to work AT ANYTHING. She does not want to further her education. She won't have "sex" until she is married. *
> 
> She is 28 maybe 29 by now. Her parents may be late 50's? At some point they either will want to travel, or kick her out, or pass away etc and she will need to be supported by someone else, unless her parents leave her with a bunch of money. So she posts this thread to ask us if we think such a guy out there exists that will want to support her.
> 
> Her life will improve greatly if she would just get job, even minimum wage. She will make friends, learn social skills, and I would 100% guarantee get some dates from either her coworkers, or persons/friends the coworkers set her up with.


Yeah we know that. We aren't talking with her, we are talking over her >


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> So her Mum gave her up? That's sad.
> 
> The quote you called out was relating to the monetary equivalent of SAHPs which I happen to agree with, there would be a huge cost to outsource.
> 
> ...


Her mum couldn't cope with her issues that go along with her special needs, so she's with us full time now.

I didn't call out the part about the monetary value, I called out the part about the 24/7. I've done 24/7 duty myself - plenty of times, but it's not every day like some SAHP's bleat about (of course there are always exceptions, that goes without saying which is why I didn't say it, I didn't think I had to).


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Her mum couldn't cope with her issues that go along with her special needs, so she's with us full time now.
> 
> I didn't call out the part about the monetary value, I called out the part about the 24/7. I've done 24/7 duty myself - plenty of times, but it's not every day like some SAHP's bleat about (of course there are always exceptions, that goes without saying which is why I didn't say it, I didn't think I had to).


Bleat? Walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Until you have been a parent from before day one, all through those first super hard years and with multiple children then you can call others out for bleating.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

blueinbr said:


> There are many many threads here about the SAHM that does essentially nothing. No cleaning, cooking, errands etc. Or threads about the wife the does not want to work but kids are out of house or beyond age of needing care. Many of those husbands think their wives are lazy and they are probably right.
> 
> Now, for the guys that accept that arrangement or financially do not need the wife to work, then good for them.
> 
> BTW, my statements hold even if you reverse the genders.


Anyone who has worked well knows there are many lazy people in the world who wouldn't mind allowing someone else DO their work -if they an get away with it... we see it every day.. if they are slackers ON THE JOB.. imagine what they are like to live with, raise a family with.

It's a human condition.. and it doesn't matter what gender one is.. or for that matter.. what job they have.. 

There are Lazy entitled Stay & Home Moms..and there are people making some darn good $$$ on the job -where they fool around on their phones half the day, even sleep while co-workers pick up the slack... not honoring their company with their best...shame shame I say.. 

We all appreciate a hard worker...a team player.... though I think many tend to look upon what someone earns/ the bacon they contribute financially...more so than a "Work ethic"... or other ways to contribute & be that Team player...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MrsHolland said:


> It is grossly untrue to say that there is not a real monetary value of the SAHP. It may be $90k it may be more or less if the role had to be outsourced. Why do you think that there is a such a growing band of Grand Parents that now look after their GK's? Because the cost of child care is prohibitive for many. Not only the cost but the hours that kids are in school and then after school activities makes it very hard for many parents to get a regular 9-5 job and still afford childcare.
> 
> Trust me, as they get older the 24/7 becomes even more real.


When articles & such throw out how much it costs to raise *a child* or how much a stay at home parent is worth.. I tend to roll my eyes a bit.. my husband doesn't even make $90,000 a year ... I sure as heck ain't worth that.. 

If a parent has Health insurance to cover their kids.. these figures they throw out are insane, ridiculous... or we'd be so far in debt.. we'd never get out.. .. we've raised 6.. been debt free since our last son.. my husband has never made a dime over $70,000 a year (yet).. we own our home, have land, our vehicles outright (oh they are older but we don't care about that, easier to work on when something goes wrong)...

Not everyone needs to live a 1st class lifestyle ...that's another part of it... we value our time together more than stuff or keeping up with the Jones's.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

musicdiva said:


> How many of you would want a guy that worked, and took care of you, as opposed of you having to work or go to school? Would you be fine with this, or would you want to work and go to school and not have a man take care of you in this manner. Have him bring him the money, doing the working, as you would be the house wife etc. Would you again be accepting of this or not? What do you think of men who are alright with this sort of relationship?


Musicdiva..I'm not familiar with your recent threads or posts.. you seem to be getting beat up on here.. others feeling you will surely end up an old Maid with cats round about you.....

Some advice...take it for whatever it's worth....If you are seeking a more Traditional Man.. they are harder to find today.. some may still be found in churches..but even these men know they need to be ever careful about what sort of woman they attach themselves to....far too much is at stake these days...more & more men want women with careers, or at least she's shown she CAN live on her own, making it...

I've known a couple women in my life who never drove a car.. this is near unheard of today, they didn't work either.. both had families & good husbands...I can't imagine someone like this finding a boyfriend today -even in our own area..it's just a different world we live in...

Be a GIVER...the sorry problem with too many people is.. if you are too good to them.. they start to take advantage of it.. don't BE this person.. and don't marry someone like that.. .. marry someone who appreciates the little things.. I guess is what I am trying to say...

A more Traditional man (if he's a good one that is) will appreciate your holding down the fort at Home, if /when you have kids...if you both can afford to live within your means...he may even prefer this..to take the pressure off of him, doing chores at home, etc....

It's very important for us all to be self aware  .. to see ourselves how others SEE US.. so we can work on ourselves.. being the BEST we can be.. and give in a relationship..being that Team player...when this is flowing ..hopefully we'll naturally validate each other...

There is a term used by relationship Experts called *"Interdependence"..*. 

Two people in a healthy relationship are said to be "Interdependent". In contrast to existing alone, it is a voluntary recognition that “no man is an island,” and that we must co-inhabit the space in which we live ...

If a couple is too *"independent"* of each other.. they may be too focused on self / own hobbies, not enough "couple time" to grow & enjoy each other... on the other hand.. if one is too *"dependent" *on the other.. this is no good.. we don't want our husbands feeling like we're a burden to him...dragging him down..we want to carry our own weight... which strengthens our union, this also gives us appreciation for each others roles.. though our roles may be very different, varying from couple to couple ... 

Hopefully...we very much appreciate all the other brings to our lives.. this enhances our experience...so no one feels taken advantage of......


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

It's a matter of personal choice. For me, I don't think that I would ever be able to stay at home. I'd drive myself crazy with boredom. I like to work (it's good to feel needed), but I also do not have any children. I do think that unless you have dependents to take care of or if you're disabled, if you stay at home, then that's just plain lazy. And I don't respect lazy people. I do admire the parents that have made the choice of having a stay at home mom or dad for the purpose of raising the kids. I think that's the best way to do it (it's for the children). Not many people are able to do that.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> Bleat? Walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Until you have been a parent from before day one, all through those first super hard years and with multiple children then you can call others out for bleating.


You obviously don't know all of my story Holland...or you would never have said that to me.

I'll leave it there I think, or this will just de-generate even further.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

The idea of being a SAHM is certainly appealing. We don't have children yet but have discussed this. My income would be a lot to give up though and we live in an expensive area. I'm on my way to making as much as my husband this year, possibly more. I also don't think I would be happy to give up my financial independence. The good thing about my job though is my boss allows the women on my team to work from home once they have children.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> *When articles & such throw out how much it costs to raise a child or how much a stay at home parent is worth.. I tend to roll my eyes a bit.. my husband doesn't even make $90,000 a year ... I sure as heck ain't worth that.. *
> 
> If a parent has Health insurance to cover their kids.. these figures they throw out are insane, ridiculous... or we'd be so far in debt.. we'd never get out.. .. we've raised 6.. been debt free since our last son.. my husband has never made a dime over $70,000 a year (yet).. we own our hom, have land, our vehicles outright (oh they are older but we don't care about that, easier to work on when something goes wrong)...
> 
> Not everyone needs to live a 1st class lifestyle ...that's another part of it... we value our time together more than stuff or keeping up with the Jones's.


Nothing to do with keeping up with anyone. The figure quoted was to point out that staying at home and raising children does have a monetary value to families and society. Even at a basic wage of $25/ hr 10 hrs per day, 365 days then it would cost $90k if that had to be outsourced. It is simple maths but of course it is not a paid role, people do it because the value of raising children is not measured in monetary terms it is done for the love of their family. 

I could have earned more than that in the paid work force but chose to do the best possible job I could of caring for my family. To me that has more value than earning a few extra dollars.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

@SimplyAmorous, musicdiva is the poster also known as Nataly... the one who is a "technical virgin". You and I disagree on what constitutes a virgin, and that's perfectly fine. But I thought you should know who this OP is. 

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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Maricha75 said:


> @SimplyAmorous, musicdiva is the poster also known as Nataly... the one who is a "technical virgin". You and I disagree on what constitutes a virgin, and that's perfectly fine. But I thought you should know who this OP is.


 I always stop for a discussion about men taking care of a family... so the thread caught my eye... I appreciate a more traditional set up.. if the man is a good man, that is.. 

I really didn't know anything about this poster.. this is true.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I always stop for a discussion about men taking care of a family... so the thread caught my eye... I appreciate a more traditional set up.. if the man is a good man, that is.. I really didn't know anything about this poster.. this is true.


Oh, I agree with you on the traditional set up. I, too, prefer that same dynamic. 😊

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> Nothing to do with keeping up with anyone. The figure quoted was to point out that staying at home and raising children does have a monetary value to families and society. Even at a basic wage of $25/ hr 10 hrs per day, 365 days then it would cost $90k if that had to be outsourced. It is simple maths but of course it is not a paid role, people do it because the value of raising children is not measured in monetary terms it is done for the love of their family.
> 
> I could have earned more than that in the paid work force but chose to do the best possible job I could of caring for my family. To me that has more value than earning a few extra dollars.


All those quoted figures are from militants who have an agenda. If you need to be paid to raise your own kids or clean the house, don't have kids or don't clean the house. I cut my grass on Sunday. Should I charge my wife $100 because that is what a lawn guy would charge? That is ridiculous. 

The market value is the lowest price someone would do the task for. A person can hire a live in immigrant who would be happy to come to US to do that for a few years at very low pay, just to have a job and work towards citizenship.

How this helps Nataly? Not in the least. :wink2:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> SAHP are on call 24/7 and yes it would cost a fortune to pay for this to be outsourced. If your husband was single then he would have to pay for childcare. However in a fair and balanced home it is not an issue. Whoever is at home more should take on the house keeping and child related things and then when the other parent is home it should be 50/50. Too often we hear of the SAHP also doing everything even when the other parent is at home or the working parent coming home and then taking on most if not all tasks, neither is a fair scenario.
> 
> And to be fair to the discussion Frusdil, while you are an amazing step parent you have one school aged child in the home on a part time basis. You have a great set up but it in no way compares to those that have multiple children on a full time basis.
> 
> ...


One thing to add to the whole "90K" thing or what ever value one wants there...it would also be good to include the non monetary value that many working parents bring, and since we are so far down the gender stereotypes here, I'll just say the working husband who also does household repairs, car repairs, lawn care, etc.

Yes, I know many women who do those things as well, but part of that "90k" figure is assuming that the working husband contributes nothing beyond a paycheck...that he does literally zero housework, driving kids around, cooking, etc.

To further stir up the hornets nest here...I will add that the entire SAHP/Working parent dynamic is entirely dependent on the working parents paycheck. Without out that monetary income, the dynamic cannot exist. That paycheck has value beyond just the dollar amount.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MrsHolland said:


> Nothing to do with keeping up with anyone. The figure quoted was to point out that staying at home and raising children does have a monetary value to families and society. Even at a basic wage of $25/ hr 10 hrs per day, 365 days then it would cost $90k if that had to be outsourced. It is simple maths but of course it is not a paid role, people do it because the value of raising children is not measured in monetary terms it is done for the love of their family.


 I'm certainly not dissing that it isn't worth anything...I guess in my neck of the woods.. it wouldn't be seen as worth earning more than minimum wage though.. so it would be 3 times less than that figure.. is all.. I do a direct care job for those who have some pretty severe handicaps..this isn't a well paid job by any means...nothing coming close to $25 a hr. 

And I appreciate what you pointed out @samyeagar ... Many of our husbands come home & do BIG jobs around the house that we couldn't do (or just wouldn't want to).. 

My husband is invaluable to me.. if I had to hire someone to fix our vehicles every time, our old Gravely when it breaks down.... black top our long driveway to keep it up every year, roof repairs... so many things ... What is all that worth.. it gets a little silly adding all this up..

A couple makes a Life... we're here to help each other ENJOY it... there is work & sacrifice of our time to bring that all together.. we should WANT to help each other in any way we can to.. so then we'll have more time for leisure.. that's how I look at it anyway.. loved raising my kids.. but I still love getting away from them.. and running off with Dad sometimes..


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Spicy said:


> If the budget allows for only one of you to work outside the home, that's great. I enjoy being a housewife and mom. My hubby works so hard to provide well for us financially, and I work hard to take care of the other stuff.


But taking care of the other stuff is not enough. You can't expect your H to bring in all the money.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

I just give up on life and on love end of story.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)




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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

samyeagar said:


> One thing to add to the whole "90K" thing or what ever value one wants there...it would also be good to include the non monetary value that many working parents bring, and since we are so far down the gender stereotypes here, I'll just say the working husband who also does household repairs, car repairs, lawn care, etc.
> 
> Yes, I know many women who do those things as well, but part of that "90k" figure is assuming that the working husband contributes nothing beyond a paycheck...that he does literally zero housework, driving kids around, cooking, etc.
> 
> To further stir up the hornets nest here...I will add that the entire SAHP/Working parent dynamic is entirely dependent on the working parents paycheck. Without out that monetary income, the dynamic cannot exist. That paycheck has value beyond just the dollar amount.


Sam I am not saying anything about one persons contribution being worth more or less. It was a simple response to the issue that if the daily care of children and house keeping had to be paid for then it would certainly cost money so therefore a SAHP does have a monetary value just as the WOHP does it is just that one gets paid a wage which in itself puts a figure on it. Personally I have always lived with both partners giving an equitable contribution and still do even with my ex husband.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

musicdiva said:


> I just give up on life and on love end of story.


This sounds mighty close to your alternate ego, Nataly... when you said you were suicidal. You obviously want attention. Knock it off.

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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

Can you just all leave me alone. I am done.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

musicdiva said:


> Can you just all leave me alone. I am done.


Done with what?

Leave you alone? If you want to be left alone, just stop posting on TAM and no one will post to you. Your are the one here seeking attention.

Also, you have already had a 2 week ban for threatening suicide. You're getting very close to do that again. 

Maybe TAM is not the place for you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

musicdiva said:


> Can you just all leave me alone. I am done.


Nataly, the problem, here, is that nothing in your story is adding up. None of it. It isn't a matter of leaving you alone, or not. The problem, here, is that you are changing your story, left and right, and you were caught. Now, you want to play the pity card, which no one is buying. You were banned, on your previous name, at least in part, because you were talking about killing yourself. Now, you are trying to garner pity by saying you are giving up on life and love. So, again, I will tell you to knock it off. Stop the pity party. Stop the nonsense. Get your story straight because, honestly, when you keep changing your story, you sound like a troll... or a little kid trying to play adult. 

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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I thought she was banned for using the F word to posters.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Nataly / Musicdiva ... what's REALLY going on with you?.. this can be a great place to post , pour out what is happening in your life/ troubles in love.... there are plenty who have been there.. those who have been down & depressed.. but please.. be REAL.. we all feel like fools if we are entertaining someone messing with us.. (a troll).. come clean.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Knock it off.


...or it might be knocked off of you with a ban:surprise:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> How? The auto filter *****s it out.
> 
> Well, I actually know how to get around that, but doubt she does.



nataly87
Banned

Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 105
Re: Should I put on my Dating Profiles I am a Virgin?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopeful Cynic View Post
That was my whole point. In your first paragraph, the only one you're mostly guaranteed people will read, you talk about headbanging, mosh pits, crowd surfing and stage diving. That gives a strong impression of you being a party girl, presumably into sex, drugs and rock'n'roll.

It isn't until much later in your profile, long past where most guys will stop reading, that you mention otherwise. If you're really a writer, you need to pay more attention to the messages you're sending out.
*FU. I am NOT a party girl damnit. I headbang, mosh pit, crowd surf, stage dive because its fun. AND NOT a lot of females partake in that, because they are sissies. I LOVE the enviroment of the concert and doing these things because it is fun.
*


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

That is the same thread where she claims to get paid for free-lance writing and photography. She also denies having sex.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

The 90k argument only holds before the kids are school age. After that, there is only so much cooking or cleaning one can do in a day. I estimate 4 hours max a day M - Fri including an hour workout for health and I'm being generous - I have a big house and a hungry family.

Since I like to work and I like to cook I have a cleaning service as my compromise.

Just look at the hours spent on this site by some. Lost opportunity. If I were a SAHP I should at least get a part time job or go to school once the kids are in school. If only to stay intellectually interesting or avoid boredom. I know a woman who stock trades all morning until 10am (we are west coast) and then has lunch and plays a few rounds of golf until the kids come home.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> The 90k argument ONLY holds if the H and W are very wealthy and want an educated 22 yo very attractive au pair to take care of the kids while the W (or H) goes to the country club. They would pay 90K for that. For everyone else, minimum wage at best. Or more like waitress/waiter wages plus tips (pun intended).


And the 90k applies to professionals being paid professional wages as a career with applicable training, certifications etc...


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> And the 90k applies to professionals being paid professional wages as a career with applicable training, certifications etc...


I agree with this 1000%. A lot of SAHP could really make use of a parenting course -- its not like they don't have the time. Actually, I think anyone wanting to have kids should take a formal course, like a drivers licence. It may not create stellar parents, but it would at least help to raise the minimum standard.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> nataly87
> Banned


I explained this more than once on her threads. But here it goes again.


Nataly87 was banned for 2 weeks because of name calling and a suicide threat.

The 2 weeks came up just as the massive password reset occurred so she could not get back on as nataly87.

She created the new account that she's using here. She and I exchanged PMs and it was decided that the Nataly87 account would perma banned (for no fault) and she would keep the current user account.

If you (a general "you") do not wish to be supportive of the OP, just don't post on her threads.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> This sounds mighty close to your alternate ego, Nataly... when you said you were suicidal. You obviously want attention. Knock it off.


Please see my above post.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> If you (a general "you") do not wish to be supportive of the OP, just don't post on her threads.


Well, I hope I do not get banned for it, but I disagree with OP on her job situation (or more accurately, no-job situation) and tell her such in all her related threads on this subject, However, I am very supportive of her and want to help her. I truly believe her getting a job will significantly improve her life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Please restrict your posting to giving the OP support. All other posts will be deleted. Anyone persisting on talking about the OP in third person, calling her a troll, etc will get a time out ban to cool off.


(speaking as a moderator)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> Well, I hope I do not get banned for it, but I disagree with OP on her job situation (or more accurately, no-job situation) and tell her such in all her related threads on this subject, However, I am very supportive of her and want to help her. I truly believe her getting a job will significantly improve her life.


Supporting a person does not mean to always agree with them and always sugar coat things. So you input of this type is fine.

What has not been fine are all the post on her threads stating/implying that she's a troll and one that are basically laughing at her. Anyone who feels this way and wants to post in this manner needs to just not post to the OP.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

Thanks for that. Anyway I hope I find someone and if not 0h well.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Nataly, just focus on your music web site. You will eventually meet someone (maybe a band member). Your interviews and photos are great.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> I did, he said he'd read it but wouldn't pay for it!


My cynical side wonders if he and this op are one in the same.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

QFT




EleGirl said:


> Supporting a person does not mean to always agree with them and always sugar coat things. So you input of this type is fine.
> 
> What has not been fine are all the post on her threats stating/implying that she's a troll and one that are basically laughing at her. Anyone who feels this way and wants to post in this manner needs to just not post to the OP.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Did you not see Elegirl's very clear warning on this type of posting in this thread?
> 
> ETA: Actually, two mod's have posted warnings in this thread.


Um yeah, but once I read down to it which was after that post. Are you ok? Relax.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

Again, I will find someone.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Just watching out for you. I like your posts. I am relaxed. Well, not really, but not stressed over this. :smile2:


Excellent. Many thanks. Pm's are welcome too, my friend.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Musicdiva lives at home with her parents, barely employed, doesnt drive, 28 yr old virgin who never wants children. She wants to continue to sit at home while her husband supports her...not sure why she thinks she is entitled to everyone else taking care of her.


My late brother's wife graduated from our country's top law school, refused several job offers my father the political apparatchik arranged - I have to go to work every day gross - and that was it. Granted, she inherited her aunt's real estate holdings (a few apartments) and my brothers apartment as well, so now she lives with her kid (high school). As luck would have it she's dating one of my friends and college classmate of my brother's. 

Nataly is hardly alone here.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

john117 said:


> My late brother's wife graduated from our country's top law school, *refused several job offers my father the political apparatchik arranged - I have to go to work every day gross* - and that was it. Granted, she inherited her aunt's real estate holdings (a few apartments) and my brothers apartment as well, so now she lives with her kid (high school). As luck would have it she's dating one of my friends and college classmate of my brother's.
> 
> Nataly is hardly alone here.


LOL. Nice.


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