# Are YOU Serious!!!



## SweetBrnEyez (Jan 7, 2011)

:scratchhead:

To begin, I married my husband and moved across country to be with him, due to the military. I gave up my job and family. Uprooted my two children from a prior marriage. My husband was a totally different person, while we were dating that is. He was sweet, caring, slow to anger, and really wanted me to be happy and have sex a lot. The day we got married, he totally changed. He began to get angry and controlling. He was verbally and emotionally abusive and on occasion physically. I am a prior cop, with an extensive education on abuse. Long story, but the military stepped in and he had required counseling and anger management classes. He has improved somewhat. He is now on medication to control some of the mood swings. He has his moments still, but spread out a bit. Okay, this is where the other issues came out. My husband has been married four times, me being his fourth. He said all of the other three cheated on him and he got rid of them. I know huge red flag! Got it already, no need to point it out! In the beginning when he was super controlling and abusive our sex life was good most of the time. Now that I have stood up for myself and let him know he is not going to push me into a corner, he no longer wants to be with me sexually. I have not changed in appearance at all since marriage. I know I am an attractive female. I am 5'8 and 120, so please don't tell me it is that, as I have read in other post. My husband on the other hand is 6'4'' and went from weighing 190 and really muscular when we wed to 240 lbs and only barely stays in shape. I am not sure if that could cause problems. He has always had unpredictable conditions, as he was molested as a child and has yet to fully deal with that and worst of all it was by his brother. His brother also physically abused him. He is now serving a life sentence for murder. So you can imagine my husband's pain as a child. I am lost here. This is my second marriage. My first husband had an overactive sex drive and we had sex often, he was also busy with others, which led to the divorce. So I have never dealt with anyone not wanting to touch me. Every guy I ever dated was all over me and so was he in the beginning. To get him to even touch me on the arm is an act of God. He was also assaulted by a homosexual gang when he was 14 years old. So he claims he hates homosexuals. I must wonder though, if that is really the case or he is just saying that? His ex-wife claims she has a picture of him kissing one of his best friends? He claims he was being silly when they were drinking and it was on the foot. His friend had a broken foot and they were at a bar. She says she has the picture and we don't get along so I really will not bring myself to ask for it. One other thing is ever other man I know at least sometimes gets an hard for some reason, not him. I have never caught him with an unexpected hard on ever. I know this is a long question and I am not sure if anyone even has any thoughts, but I would love to hear them. Please be kind. I have tried sexy items, and he says it is a turn off for him. He prefers jogging pants and a t-shirt...seriously? So he should not be able to keep his hands off me, I put on what he wants me to several days out of the week. When we dated, I was always all dolled up. When we got married, he told me he did not like that, because other guys were looking at me! Jealousy, I know. I can't determine which is worse. My current husband that has nothing to do with me or my prior husband that could not keep his hands off of me, but he also couldn't keep them off of other women. Seriously, they are both hell! Why can't I just have someone that wants me and only me! Desperately, Desperate! I do pleasure myself, but come on I got married to have sex, if I wanted to do that I could have stayed single.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Obviously there's probably a million reasons that may explain your H's behavior. I think he's just confused. Your dominance may turn him off, too. since he's been a victim his whole life he probably has a strong desire to dominate and if you dominate him you may subconsciously become one of his abusers. You sure did pick a complicated one! But that really only tells me that your story is equally as complicated. 

I also married a man with many problems. Funny how you dont really notice them 'til years later! But anyway, I read a really great book called Seat of the Soul. The author helped me examine why I would marry a man with so many problems. I found a lot of peace in his message and also a lot of hope that there was a positive solution.


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## SweetBrnEyez (Jan 7, 2011)

Thanks for the advice. I will look for the book online.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't know about the Homosexual gangs... methinks that would be a recipe for disaster ... for them. The molestation from the brother could altered his sense of self though. His sexual identity could be a little off. 

So true, he has some baggage, but that is no exscuse to mistreat you. To me his reasoning for not touching you... means he could be fighting other demons.


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