# He turned the knife, poured the salt... and we are just getting started...



## HeartbreakHotelGuest (Jul 18, 2012)

In a nutshell.... I swear I dont know how im going to get through this... sorry in advance for the rant...

we havent filed, living together... he is waiting for $to move out, (maybe 2 months or less) but every third sentence of every conversation, is him reminding me hes "divorcing my ass"
and "he isnt going to be alone for long" (different colorful variations, of course) 

We have 4 kids, Im 42 and can no longer have children... and hes had a vasectomy -

Today's gem was: He "will be getting married with someone younger with no kids", he has "looked into the cost of reversing his procedure, because she will want kids" and he plans on "having 2 more kids a boy and a girl" "what are you gonna be doing???" to which i lamely replied "not much" while in shock. 

What do you say to something like that? OMG!!! the wave of pain... he sleeps like a champ at night - no remorse, no worries i cant sleep or eat. Everything is just going great for him, my world just sucks..... and *THIS* is the beginning ?!?

I cant begin to tell you all the different ways the thought of him having sex with someone else, seeing him with someone else, having kids with someone else, is making me physically ill.

All I can think of is this nice crappy pathetic life i have to look forward to, while hes gonna be having the time of his life.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Just think, he can be a new dad at age 45 with a 20 something young thing. Most people would suck gas.


----------



## tiadhani (Jul 30, 2012)

Feel sorry for the girl he lands, this guy sounds like a real gem. You're better off.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Heartbreak,

Just wait until he sees what child support is going to cost him! I think he'll re-think the whole "have 2 more kids" thing.

He sounds like a real piece of work. There are good men out there. He's not one of them


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

He is saying those things to bother you. Personally, I would file for divorce now, why wait for him to get money to move out. I would not be doing the jerk any favors.


----------



## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

He's going to end up with a DUMB 20-ish chick if she's willing to marry a guy who's already got and paying for FOUR kids...


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

heartbreakhotelguest
I really hope I don't sound harsh what im gonna say but while filling your head with whats going to be good in his life your not going to have any space to think of what will be good in your life.
He is leaving you, so him and his future of what his life is going to be (or what his dream of what it will be) is not your concern anymore.
What you need to focuse on is getting your confidence back (I realise that will take some time and it sounds like he is saying everything to knock your confidence). Has he actually found this girl who is much younger and wants to take on his kids plus have to more kids (a boy and a girl  ) or is this all in his little head?
Sound like him and his idylic life he's going to be living is thought of enough by him.
Take a step back and really look at what he is saying then discard it, your focus needs to be on you and your future not him.
Maybe have some IC and see how and why your confidence is so low and what needs to be done to rectify what's making you feel so down about yourself.
You are a 42 year old women who has alot of life and happy times left. Focus on you and your children only he and his ambitions are not your concerns or problems.
I know I may have sounded a little harsh but untill you learn how to feel good about yourself and know you deserve (and will get  ) a better man you are going to always be in pain about what he is or isn't doing.
It's time to start detaching yourself from him and think about you and your bright future and let him worry about his.
Your future is in your hands grab it and make it whatever you want it to be.
best of luck


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

I know it sound impossible now but in a few months you won't believe how strong of a person you actually are.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

So he doesn't even have the money to file or get his own place? Yet somehow he's going to magically get some young hottie that he can shack up with and THEN have all the fun of living with pregnancy hormones right up until the screaming, crying, pooping, puking, midnight feedings and temper tantrums start. All while still supporting the kids you guys have? With all that money he apparently doesn't have.....

Yeah, that's realistic.

And enviable.

SOOOO enviable.....I'm amazed there isn't a line outside your door already just waiting for the ink to dry so they can get a chance to be the lucky girl knocked up by some old broke guy...

I'd say get a heckuva lawyer and make sure your bases are covered....this guy sounds like a full-blown snake!


----------



## Samcro (Feb 12, 2012)

I would have laughed in his face if I was a woman. I had the V done and I would never get it reversed. If he tells that to you again, tell him good luck and hope his has twins or triplets!
Then remind him while your(your kids, not his imaginary ones) kids are grown, I can have fun vacationing my ass off with my new boy toy while your changing diapers and dealing with puberty and attitudes when your over 60!

The stbxh sounds like a tool. I can't for the day you cone in to tell us he is gone from your place and flat on his ass. Good luck to you!


----------



## HeartbreakHotelGuest (Jul 18, 2012)

COgypsy,
He is working on a kinda big business venture in the asia pacific. If he succeeds in the deal, he will be rolling - "if". He is counting on that to carry his plans through. I was good enough for the hard times - but now he wants the young trophy wife for his good life.


----------



## HeartbreakHotelGuest (Jul 18, 2012)

Samcro, Thanks for the support -you were my second LOL tonight, and it felt good to laugh, Thank you!

I like your thinking, but i wont remind him.... I'll just wish him twins and triplets and god willing let the rest play out  .... 
Thanks again.


----------



## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

HeartbreakHotelGuest said:


> All I can think of is this nice crappy pathetic life i have to look forward to, while hes gonna be having the time of his life.


He is pushing your buttons to hurt you. Cruel behavior. Isn't there any way you & he can live separately sooner? Your home sounds like torture. I realize you have 4 kids, but is there any way you could stay with a friend or relative for awhile? Or could he? The proximity makes a terrible situation infinitely worse...

♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦

I also went through some very dark times during the beginning of my separation - completely lost & broken. It was so difficult to imagine my future because it felt like it was gone. I felt like I was living in darkness and when I looked ahead, I only saw more darkness. I was in the depths of despair.

I decided to focus on 2 things until the chaos around and within me would settle - the things I was grateful for & the things I wanted in my future. I even collected pictures of those things (they are hung next to my bed) to remind me daily of gratitude and vision. 

This helped me find clarity & hope within myself. It caused me to look around with different eyes. I began to notice & appreciate what I still had - wonderful children, intelligence, health, friendly chipmunk in the back yard and I began to think about what I want in my future - health, fitness, outdoors, the South, a garden, inner peace, etc... 

Best wishes.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

HeartbreakHotelGuest said:


> COgypsy,
> He is working on a kinda big business venture in the asia pacific. If he succeeds in the deal, he will be rolling - "if". He is counting on that to carry his plans through. I was good enough for the hard times - but now he wants the young trophy wife for his good life.


Well think of it this way--I'd the deal tanks, he's just another creeper on the prowl. If it works out, then you're still looking at 30% of his net income (on national average for 4 kids) plus alimony. He's not gonna be rolling in nearly the cash he seems to think.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

HeartbreakHotelGuest said:


> In a nutshell.... I swear I dont know how im going to get through this... sorry in advance for the rant...
> 
> we havent filed, living together... he is waiting for $to move out, (maybe 2 months or less) but every third sentence of every conversation, is him reminding me hes "divorcing my ass"
> and "he isnt going to be alone for long" (different colorful variations, of course)
> ...


He sure is full of himself, isn't he?

He has to wait two months before he accumulates enough money to move out, however he is going to have enough money to reverse his procedure to have more kids? While paying child support for the 4 kids he has already fathered? And you actually think that YOUR life is going to be "crappy"?

Did it not occur to you that your life will be so much better without him? More peaceful? If the two of you already have 4 kids together, why is having more so important to either of you to want more at this time? Aren't they enough?

I would tell him "good riddance" and "don't let the door hit ya....." Your life will be much better without his selfish and arrogant attitude pretending to be "all that".


----------



## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

survivorwife said:


> He sure is full of himself, isn't he?
> 
> *He has to wait two months before he accumulates enough money to move out, however he is going to have enough money to reverse his procedure to have more kids? While paying child support for the 4 kids he has already fathered? And you actually think that YOUR life is going to be "crappy"?*


LOL - too freakin' funny!

And so, so true.


----------



## HeartbreakHotelGuest (Jul 18, 2012)

*Janie*, 

No it didn't. Its taken a couple of people here pointing it out to get me starting to view it like that, Thanks so much to all of you, i do truly appreciate it. Its giving me the strength to stick to the 180 come what may. 

But it is so hard, im doubting myself, my worth, my ability... he is very smart - literally IQ wise (believe it or not...lol..), he knows how to play me and push my buttons all the just right - wrong things to say,... Right now ive just resided myself that what we had has died and im keeping myself busy since yesterday purging everything and downsizing and preparing to move on... the tears still come at the drop of a hat, but there is no such thing as a marriage of 1 -i guess .


----------



## HeartbreakHotelGuest (Jul 18, 2012)

*Janie*, OMgosh sorry Janie the last post was acvtually for *survivor wife*


----------



## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

HeartbreakHotelGuest said:


> But it is so hard, im doubting myself, my worth, my ability... he is very smart - literally IQ wise (believe it or not...lol..), *he knows how to play me and push my buttons all the just right - wrong things to say*,...



Of course he knows the right things to say. He knows your buttons better than anyone - even yourself.

Detachment is the key. Tough to do, but very effective.

This analogy may help...

Soda machine - everyone has put money into the machine and no soda appears. Frustration is assured. People deal with this frustration in different ways - some hit the machine, some shake it, cuss, etc. But, one things is true about EVERYONE - they will all walk away eventually.

Humans are similar to soda machines in that we have buttons too. Our loved ones especially know how to push our buttons and get the reaction they desire. But, what happens if he pushes the button and the reaction doesn't happen?

He will probably work harder and try different approaches to shake this soda machine. If you can stay strong and control your reaction, he will eventually give up on that button. (He will probably move on to the next one, but you know what to do.)

Consistency and control are key. You can deactivate your buttons and disarm him. The power is yours 

Good luck!


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Im pretty sure he will shocked as hell when the day comes he's telling you this fanasy life he's going to be living a you really don't care, it scares people when they realise they have lost power.


----------

