# Separation advice



## shan0107 (Feb 28, 2012)

This is such a confusing time and I needed some advice from other separated people. My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for two years. Since I lost my job, I got us into about 6000 dollars worth of debt due to my taking out loans without her consent. I lied about our finances, having a job and getting paid. It just kept snowballing on me and it cost me my marriage now. The clincher for her was when I was arrested for having my license revoked a few weeks ago. 
She decided that I needed to stay in jail and get the help I need. I was already diagnosed with Bi=polar disorder a few months ago and then found out I wasn't Bi-polar at all but have ADD. I had to move back home to NY to regroup(live in North Carolina) and am so confused now.
We have to be separated for a year and she has stated she has no desire to reconcile at all. I did find out she has been checking my e-mail and reading messages from friends and people i'm am trying to rent places from. Why bother doing that? Where do I go from here? I would like to reconcile with her at some point though it seems hopeless right now. I feel awful for the kids and I miss the three of them terribly. Any advice would be appreciated.....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Should I ask why you were arrested for having your licence revoked, or why your licence was revoked in the first place? It sounds like your wife likely just had enough, and she and the children would be better off on their own. I'd suggest the best thing for everyone is for you to focus on getting yourself straightened out. Counselling, whatever it takes to show her that you're taking your issues seriously. It will take time to demonstrate that you can change make your changes stick, and there's no guarantees that she'll give you another chance anyway, but if nothing else it will put you in a better place.

Good luck!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shan0107 (Feb 28, 2012)

Thanks, PBear. I am going to counseling on my own now which has really helped me feel better about things. I can get my license back and I have a job lined up so it's a positive start. We have a cusody/ child support hearing so I will tell the judge I am willing to try marriage counseling. We will see how it goes.


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## brokennewlywed (Feb 28, 2012)

That snowball effect is tough to correct. The trust is gone. As far as her checking in on you, I do find that odd as you have made this separation seem so final. I think that there is always some sort of hope (especially for the sake of the kids) that reconciliation is possible. However, you are going to have to prove yourself and be prepared to handle the possibility that your wife will not take you back. Should that happen, you will have to deal with the consequences of your actions in a responsible way because you two will have to get along for the kids (or rather the judge...they're buckling down on custody cases). Taking accountability for your actions will help regardless of the outcome.


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## shan0107 (Feb 28, 2012)

Thanks! I have taken total responsibility for ny actions, now I just have to make good on my promise to fix her debts


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