# New to site and and need advice



## 2GW (Aug 27, 2009)

Hello I am new and in desperate need of some advise so this is long please be patient with me and read it. I have been married 19 years this month. I will try to sum it all up. I started dating my husband when I was 15 during the years we had our ups and downs. The year before we were to get married I found out that he cheated and had a child with this woman. Oh we had a 7 month old son when I found this out. I called the wedding off. We worked it out and got married 1 year after that. Over the years he had no contact with the child so for me out of site out of mind. I know thats bad to say but thats the way I felt. To add to things I found out after we were married that my husband had an substance abuse problem so the years to follow were hell but I stuck by him to try to help him through his addiction. Fast forward to now God has saved him he has been clean for almost 2 years now. But about 6 months ago he was out of the house and left his cell phone behind. He had just gotten it and didnt know how to work it( so he claimed) . I decided to set it up for him and I was the worst decicion I made. I found pictures and a video of a Half dressed women in the phone and it was at the hotel he had worked at 3 months prior as the pictures were dated from that time. I was furious and confronted him. He said nothing happend and It was other friends there the girl was a stripper and they were interviewing for another friends bachelor party. WHATEVER. I started checking records and saw that he had been calling this girl for 4 months she lived in Florida but was in NJ working and had went back to florida. Never the less we moved pass it. Then he reconnected with that child I mentioned and I find out that the women actually had another child by him months before we got married so for 18 years he managed to keep this a secret. Since then i check his phone any chance I get and I found another women he had been called regularly he said she was a friend but if I was uncomfortable with it he would not call her and he did stop. Now again He is calling another women who attends the NA meetings where he goes. Again he said it just a friend but allways gets upset when I confront him about it and focuses on the fact that Im envading his privacy by going through his phone. I other day I left to go to work for 3 hours and decided not to stay when I came home he kept asking why I was back so soon. He left for an appointment and the same girl CALLED MY HOUSE. apparently he called her from our home phone but she didnt answer and was calling back to see whos number it was. She said she was just a friend from the meetings. Needless to say the arguing is back on and he's saying Im going to cause us to split that I am blowing things out of proportion. but I feel I'm not because apparently hes being sneaky. He called from the home phone knowing I can check the cell phone records. Now yesterday I went into the office for 45 min. I check the records and sure as hell he called her I did not confront him about it because whats the point. All the calls are always short like 2-3 min mostly and he is generally home always. I really dont think he has time to be with her but I dont like where this is heading. I love my husband and I am committed to my marriage but I dont know what to do. I cant live like this everytime he's out of my site Im wondering If he's talking to her. He is now working the overnight shift and I work the day so my mind is turning that now he will have time. I know its a trust issue but how to I rebuild it and How do I get him to see where Im coming from with this. Do I give him a taste of his own medicine? I would leave before I do that. I would like some advice from both men and women. Keep in mind we are intamite almost EVERYDAY if that matters.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Your husband is a serial cheater and a liar. You need to put an end to it. He does it because he knows he can. He had two children by another woman he failed to mention. What does that say about him? Doesn't sound to me like he's putting any effort in to this and you deserve more. He doesn't deserve your trust, he abuses it.


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## srena200 (Jul 13, 2009)

So what is your question? Your husband is cheating on you. And you know it. What is it you seem to need help with? I might add you are a perfect example of why women need to live their own lives before they become someone's else's wife. 1/2 your life has been spent with a man who has cheated from day 1. What are you confused about?


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

I agree with the previous posts. Your man is still a boy playing games. How do you make a boy grow up to be a real man? I dont know, but I am pretty sure it cant be forced.

If you want a relationship that will take you seroiusly find a different man. That is harsh advice after 19 years, but how much longer do you want to wait for your life to be real?


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## 2GW (Aug 27, 2009)

Thank you for those that responded. I know it seems that it has all been bad from reading my post myself it seemed all bad. I know I should have left years ago but I didn't and for reasons no one can understand but me. To clarify about the other children we both new about the 1 before we were planning to get married ( we had split for 4 months when I was pregnant with my first child) and I found out yesterday when talking to the her ( she is 20 now) he did not find out about the sibling until 6 months ago when he reconnected with her. He told me that but I did not believe him. but apparently the mother found out we were back together and getting married and decided not to tell him and took the children and moved out of state. My first post was not a question really looking for answers more of just trying to get outside point of view. My husband although has issues is a very good father to our children and is very attentive to both them and me which I know sounds contradictive but its true. He will do anything for me and does a lot for me and this is why it is so hard for me because I truly believe he does love me. Even though we have been together since I was young I am very independant I am well educated and very aware of who I am. I'm not the kind of wife that does what ever her husband tells her I'm actually more dominate than him. And have offered him his freedom many times. He looses nothing by leaving so I try to figure out why he stays. Once we got married there were no issues with other women I has just been these situation the last 6 months none of which I think were physical my concern is its going to get there. I do agree with the post that its a boys game. During his active addiction years the addiction was his main concern. I do believe that he is feeling his oats so to say. I know ultimately it is my decision to deal with it or leave. I appreciate every ones point of views.


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