# It has been awhile



## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

I use to post a lot on this website the first 6 months of my separation but moved past it all but wanted to share with you how things are these days. I have been separated for 13 months. When I first signed up for this website there were men and women that had been separated for over 2 years. I said to myself oh my God how could anyone do that ... but yet it is happening to me. I am stuck in a holding pattern ... I filed for divorce 4 months ago and have done nothing since. I am afraid I will have to split the house 50/50 and then she also wants 9 years of my retirement. She deserves neither .. she never paid one single bill while we were married . The money she made she spent on herself. So .... I went through the self pity thing the first 6 months ... The first 2 months I was a suicide candidate but made it past all of that. I am a survivor .... Yes, I loved the woman with all my heart .. I went to a marriage counselor alone and a psychiatrist. Bottom line is When you love someone and there is no love back then you have to move on. And that is what I finally did ..... It was very very hard but I had to. So if you are trying to hang on and your spouse wants to move on you need to let it go. But ... You don't want to do you? Sooner or later you will need to let it go .... I hope I have helped you in some way ..... have a wonderful day Steve in Georgia


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

chevyman said:


> I am afraid I will have to split the house 50/50 and then she also wants 9 years of my retirement. She deserves neither .. she never paid one single bill while we were married .


There's a big difference between what you think she deserves and what she's legally entitled to.

You need to accept the reality of the situation, which is that anything that was obtained during the marriage is going to be split roughly 50/50 and that includes any residences purchased during the marriage, retirement accounts, cars, and even the dining room table and the toaster.

The only exceptions - in most jurisdictions- are items that are specifically designated and proven to be separate marital property including (for example) a home owned prior to the marriage, a bank account that was always kept separate, an inheritance that was not comingled with marital funds and assets, etc.

The law makes sense, because quite often the woman gives up a career to raise the children so the husband can work and provide. They have effectively functioned as a team even though the paycheck has his name on it.

I don't know your situation but I'll guess that since she never worked during the marriage, she was a stay at home mom?

If not, well allowing her to stay home and not work during the entire marriage so she can sit at home and eat bon bons, is a problem for which you are partially to blame.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Let me explain something to you ...... First of all we had no children together. When I met the woman she had a 9 year old son from a previous marriage who was not doing well at all in school. Pretty much he had failing grades. I decided we needed a better live so we move to the mountains of north Georgia. Guess what he began to make honor roll ... Once the son graduated from high school and left the nest she changed .... it was like she had no use for me anymore. So as you might detect I felt like I was used in this marriage. You can call it what you want ..... I don't want to hear she is entitled to this that as she NEVER contributed financially to the marriage. She had multiple jobs through the marriage and had a problem with the boss or a co-worker and would quit ...... Why ???? She had me to fall back on .. Guess what .... I have been working for the same company for 37 + years ... worked my way up the ladder with no college degree ... I am VERY proud of my accomplishments in life. 
I am not to blame for any of her action's she was selfish and self-centered .... I ran up 20k in credit card debt to try and please her ..... now I am paying for that also ... not to mention the student loan that I co-signed with her son that he defaulted on and now I am paying for that. So you can talk about who is entitled to this and that ...... Sorry I don't want to hear it .... Bottom line is ... she owes me I don't owe her anything !!!!!!


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

I am sorry to hear of your situation.

But everything is 50/50 when it comes to marriage. Sorry.



My husband and I were both going to college and he worked as well. I paid one bill I think, but I cleaned and cooked and took care of the home while I had a bigger course load than he did.


I am 9 months pregnant and he left. Told me to go to my parents house.


Since I never really worked, does that mean I am not entitled to anything financially either?



and yes, if you werent okay with her not working, you shouldve pushed her. You ARE partially to blame.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

You have a completely different situation since there was a child between the two of you involved. In my first marriage of 23 years my wife was entitled to half of everything. But she could have had 1/2 my retirement but she did not want it she told me "You worked for your retirement and I am not entitled to it" She could have took me to the cleaners but she did not. We split the house and moved on with our life


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

Im glad your first divorce was smoother than most...but this woman, might not be so nice.

And you might just have to deal with it...I mean you can fight, but she might get what she wants, especially if she is angry.

That's what marriage is, you both are entitled to stuff. It may not be fair but that is what it is. I guess pre nups are a good idea sometimes lol.


But I do feel for you.


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

chevyman said:


> So as you might detect I felt like I was used in this marriage.


Yes I detect that. Along with a whole lot of anger.



chevyman said:


> You can call it what you want ..... I don't want to hear she is entitled to this that as she NEVER contributed financially to the marriage.


I get that you don't want to hear it. That doesn't mean it's no going to happen. If you bury your head in the sand you are in for one heck of a big unpleasant surprise.



chevyman said:


> I am VERY proud of my accomplishments in life.


Good. Be proud. You took great care of soon to be exwife and son.



chevyman said:


> I am not to blame for any of her action's she was selfish and self-centered .... I ran up 20k in credit card debt to try and please her


Yeah, you have some blame, you allowed it to happen, you let her take advantage of you. You didn't know when to say "No!"



chevyman said:


> Bottom line is ... she owes me I don't owe her anything !!!!!!


Bottom line is you owe her half the marital assets which is defined as anything obtained during the marriage that cannot be proven to be separate marital property and based on your income during the marriage you'll probably be obligated for spousal maintenance.

Good thing the child isn't yours, otherwise you'd be paying child support on top of that.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Hey ... I will sit back and see what develops. The way I see it ... if she has a boyfriend and they want to get married then she will give in to end the marriage .... You know ..... I signed up on 2 or 3 dating websites ... guess what I discovered 75% of the women were golddiggers .... Looking for a man to take care of them financially and nothing else. Hey I am 57 years old I know right from wrong and never been locked up in my life. I guess you can say I have a bad taste in my mouth for women these days based on what the second wife is doing to me.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

You know I will sit back and see what develops I will not do anything .... I will sit in the corner and see what develops .... This should be interesting


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

chevyman said:


> I guess you can say I have a bad taste in my mouth for women these days based on what the second wife is doing to me.


I have a bad taste from what my first wife did to me.

There won't be a second wife.

You know the saying "fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me".

I've done a lot of dating, been in a few long term relationships, 6.5 months into the latest one and going strong.

I always make it clear early on that I will never, ever get married again. There's no point. It also weeds out the gold diggers.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

You know that is what really breaks my heart when a woman looks at a man's salary and not the person .... So I live in a log cabin in the north Georgia mountains not wanting to be hurt again ...... this second wife hurt me beyond belief ..... Took me a long time to move past it trust me .....


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

I didn't care if my husband was a ditchdigger or a doctor. I would've loved him and been loyal to him just the same. He doesnt want me anyway.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Hey I understand I feel the same way .... She doesn't want me ... You want to hear something crazy????? She left over 13 months ago ... I paid her rent for 4 months and sent her money hoping she would come back to me . You know what I received in return ???? "This what she said .... "Do you think you can buy your way back into my life"


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## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

That's so sad.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

How are these posts helping this man?

Man's law may not favor him but universal law does. Any adult who nurtures a child who is not his/her own earns a top place in the hierarchy of man. Can't take that to the bank? Guess again. 

There are good sincere women who will never have a chance to meet such a high quality man. That is the pity. 

Chevy welcome back and thanks for sharing your story. I am on a journey of seeing the good in people instead of the negative. Thanks for helping me on my journey. You will be rewarded 10 fold, believe me. 

About the property settlement. I believe judges have a great deal of desecration in the distribution of property. It is based almost exclusively on their feelings about the character and veracity of the litigants. 

Make sure your lawyer emphasizes the priceless value of your unselfish contribution to this woman herself and especially her son. Keep that first and foremost in the negotiations rather than the value of your assets. 

Let her lawyer do the monetary calculations. I think you cannot lose. Please do come back when all is done and let us know when you triumph. 

I am sorry that so many woman who want and need to give to a man like you will most likely miss out. But, maybe not though. Maybe some warm, loving and deserving woman will be lucky enough to meet you, when you are ready. I really hope so. 

The very best to you and I can't thank you enough for coming back and helping me and probably many others.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Hey I understand I feel the same way .... She doesn't want me ... You want to hear something crazy????? She left over 13 months ago ... I paid her rent for 4 months and sent her money hoping she would come back to me . You know what I received in return ???? "This what she said .... "Do you think you can buy your way back into my life"


I want all the good men in this forum who think they should help their WAW until she heals by giving her money to read these words of white-hot truth from Chevyman's wife.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

There is this thing about helping others, if you do it for the appreciation you're doing it for the wrong reasons. If you cared about your wife and her son and just wanted to make sure that they were going to be okay then good on you! If you look at how things are now and believe that they just didn't appreciate you enough and have negative feelings about them for it then maybe your relationship was built on the wrong things.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

I could not agree more mule kick !!!! My soon to be ex wife suffers from post tramic syndrome from her first husband. He physically abused her. I never laid a hand on her. But that thought or mindset still lingers with her and will until she dies. She puts me in the same category with him why I don't know .... I guess she has this mindset for all men now ... I raised her son from age 9 until he was 22 .. As soon as he graduated from high school it was like she had no use for me anymore. So thus I feel I was used in the relationship. Life moves on doesn’t? I struggled with all of this the first 6 months but been able to move past someone you loved with all your heart verses someone who thought you were a token in life to get through her tuff times. So mule kick you want to know my thought process now? To me 75% of women are gold diggers. Wanting a man to take care of them finically ... the word love is not in their vocabulary at all. Over the past 13/14 months this is has caused me to have a very bad taste in my mouth for women. 
You see when you are dealing with a selfish/self centered woman that is only focused on her instead of the marriage then that is what causes a good man to lose interest in women. 
Here ya go ...... I bought her a $900 laptop AFTER we separated so I communicate with her. Was I stupid or what?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Yes, that was extremely stupid.

What was her childhood like?

Do you have any information about it?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

She was the baby in the family ... they had 3 kids. Her Dad was in the military so they moved around alot. She has never been close to her Mom or Sister. I think her dad drank a lot .... After he got out of military. I am sure I am sharing too much in an open forum like this. When we were together I did everything to try and please her ... trips to Cancun and Jamaica trips to the Gulf Coast. Buying her things when she wanted them. It was never enough. She told me I didn't know how to romance a woman. I love to bbq outside and I would cook various things through the marriage and she would tell me "If I cooked that I would have done this different? After she did this 3 or 4times she killed spirit .... I had no desire to cook for her anymore. I would clean house the house on my own and she would come behind me and clean as she felt I had not cleaning well enough. So I reached the point that felt like I was a child. Little Johnny can't clean real good so I will tell him how to clean ...... Do you catch my drift? I know a lot of woman who read this will not agree with me but what the hell .... I am not looking for another woman in my life right now as I feel scared from this woman. It is a damn shame when a man max's out 2 credit cards to please his woman then she ditches him ..... I feel so damn stupid and I am 57 years old.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

Doesn't sound like money is that big of a problem for you though. Get a second job at walmart or something and use the money to pay it off. But what you're really doing is just going there to meet new people and not set at home.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> She was the baby in the family ... they had 3 kids. Her Dad was in the military so they moved around alot. She has never been close to her Mom or Sister. I think her dad drank a lot .... After he got out of military. I am sure I am sharing too much in an open forum like this. When we were together I did everything to try and please her ... trips to Cancun and Jamaica trips to the Gulf Coast. Buying her things when she wanted them. It was never enough. She told me I didn't know how to romance a woman. I love to bbq outside and I would cook various things through the marriage and she would tell me "If I cooked that I would have done this different? After she did this 3 or 4times she killed spirit .... I had no desire to cook for her anymore. I would clean house the house on my own and she would come behind me and clean as she felt I had not cleaning well enough. So I reached the point that felt like I was a child. Little Johnny can't clean real good so I will tell him how to clean ...... Do you catch my drift? I know a lot of woman who read this will not agree with me but what the hell .... I am not looking for another woman in my life right now as I feel scared from this woman. It is a damn shame when a man max's out 2 credit cards to please his woman then she ditches him ..... I feel so damn stupid and I am 57 years old.


You do realize that her childhood experiences likely left her emotionally broken.

She didn't get angry at you. She simply IS angry. She's angry at the people that hurt her. You were their stand-in.

Think about what I just told you.

This is someone who wakes up in the morning angry. Do you believe there is anything you can do/spend/adjust to fix that?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

You have brought up a valid point .... I am very serious about this ... She never smiled and seemed to not be happy through the relationship. I mentioned this to her many times "Are you happy" Why do you not smile ...She always had a frown or serious look on her face. We would go to social events and she would be looking at people to "size them up" not sure how else to say it. I guess I married someone out of my league ... I don't know ... I will tell you this I loved her with all my heart and went to marriage counselor and a doctor to try and figure it all out and it did not work, I have moved on but have no girlfriend just working my normal job in which I have doing with the same company for 37+ years. I am in management and make a very nice salary based on my work in the past. Future ex had 4 or 5 jobs had a problem with the boss or co-worker and would quit. Why ??? She had me to fall back on …. Got to tell you I don’t care if you are a male or female that reads this ….. I can tell you this …I am NOT into a lot of BS these days ….. I am a good person and always paid my bills but this second wife just blew me away … As I had never been treated like this as a person ….. Not sure if I will ever be in another relationship much less get married again


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I feel like I'm talking to a mirror image of myself.

My codependency surfaced like a vengeance in my 2nd marriage also. (I'm 50)

I haven't been in the same job all this time, but I'm a professional pharmacist and have worked in the field for 27 years.

And, I found myself fighting like a child with my 2nd wife. Constant fixing. Constant agony. Chasing. Hoping. Always on edge.

She's broken also. Childhood abuse.

That's how I know this - with the help of therapists and good friends.

You didn't marry out of your league. You married someone determined to hurt you before you hurt them.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Thank You Catherine, I was beginning to think that all women where like my future ex wife. I am sorry I can't deal with that type of woman anymore. I would get up at 4:00am in the morning drive 65 miles to work while she sat at home and played on the Internet. But I never said a word because I loved her. I must bring something else out ...... My wife was a know it all ... She even admitted she was a know it all. I would bring up things and she already knew the answer ..... So So I struggled with even saying anything as she already had the answer. Does that make sense?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Thank You Catherine, I was beginning to think that all women where like my future ex wife. I am sorry I can't deal with that type of woman anymore. I would get up at 4:00am in the morning drive 65 miles to work while she sat at home and played on the Internet. But I never said a word because I loved her. I must bring something else out ...... My wife was a know it all ... She even admitted she was a know it all. I would bring up things and she already knew the answer ..... So So I struggled with even saying anything as she already had the answer. Does that make sense?


Yes, she was abusive and angry.

And you felt that working hard and making life easy for her would earn her love for you.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Hey what can I say? puts a bad taste in my mouth for women.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Hey what can I say? puts a bad taste in my mouth for women.


Do you love yourself?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Love ...Like I like myself ... I think I have always been a good person. My parents taught me right from wrong.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Love ...Like I like myself ... I think I have always been a good person. My parents taught me right from wrong.


When one tries to earn the love of another, it usually means something about their own self-esteem.

Did you feel lucky to have her?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Conrad said:


> You do realize that her childhood experiences likely left her emotionally broken.
> 
> She didn't get angry at you. She simply IS angry. She's angry at the people that hurt her. You were their stand-in.
> 
> ...


Chevy I think what Conrad says is so important. Taking it to heart may really help. When I first read it I thought, who cares about her problems. 

However, armed with understanding comes power. It was not you who was foolish, it was her. 

By a stroke of bad luck, you happened to have married a woman who was incapable of recognizing that she was fortunate enough to have gained the love of an extraordinary man. 

You remind me of my husband. He is generous to a fault and shows me he loves me deeply. 

I have had a troubled past with men and harbored a great deal of anger and resentment. I know it is not appropriate. 

In my case, I have come to recognize my fortune and I know I am no more deserving of him than women who have an abusive husband deserve them. 

If I did not recognize my luck, I would live in the misery of my own making and I would have thrown away the gift of love. 

All the while, my husband would remain as loving and generous as ever. He would have moved on to bestow his love on someone else. 

Who would be the fool then?. 

I thought I would share my story in an attempt to help you come to this realization.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Absolutely I was proud to have as a wife and friend.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Chevy,

You realize that your stbxw will have to assume 50% of all debt, including those credit cards, her kids' student loan, car payments on YOUR car if you are still financing it, and even mortgage interest. In fact, if your still paying a mortgage, she is still responsible for 50% of the mortgage payments from the moment she moved out...of which should be deducted from any amounts of money that will be rewarded to her by the courts. Don't assume she gets off Scott free and dumped all that debt on you. She may be in for a big surprise if she's smiling away right now thinking she's getting away with fleecing you.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I think what it comes down to is that you need to drop the anger. Dissociate yourself from your resentment and bitterness. Now is the time to think of the divorce settlement as a business transaction, only. Remember....emotions and business together are not a good mix.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

You know .... here awhile back I "thought" about walking away from my mortgage ....I owe 6 years on my log cabin that I live in on the river. I had a co-worker tell me .... What ever you do protect yourself financially. Since he said that I have pretty much gone in to protective mode. I have always been one to pay my bills. The future ex-wife paid for NOTHING. No mortgage, no insurance, no direct tv, no water bill no electric bill no propane bill no second mortgage or a student loan no cre4dit cards which were 20k and I have working that down on my own to 16k. How did I run up 20k on credit card ? I took her to Cancun, Jamaica and the Gulf Coast 4 or 5 times. Not to mention the sexy clothes and bikinis I bought her. So tell me ... do I drown in sorrow? Over a woman that I loved with all my heart? And now she has moved on? The whole thing just pisses me off to be used. I signed up for 2 or 3 dating sites you know match.com pof.com date.com .... You what happened ...... 75 % of the women are gold diggers .... they live in the kids basement ..... So ... I cancel my membership to all of them ...it makes me really sick. I hope I can survive ... But I loved a woman with all my heart and felt I was used .......


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Absolutely I was proud to have as a wife and friend.


She's really good looking, isn't she?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Yes, she is ... I have not seen her in like 4 or 5 months but she is very attractive


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Yes, she is ... I have not seen her in like 4 or 5 months but she is very attractive


Quite often, the combination of beautiful and broken turns out the most toxic people on earth.

They tend to be coldhearted and - as you said - size up every situation and push people away before they can be hurt.

Their attractiveness works against them because if you stand up to them, they find someone else to kiss their ass - and agree that wrong is right.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Hey I kissed her ass for a long time You have no idea ..... We would be in a group of friends and she would be talking then I would try to contribute to the conversation and she would say "Hush I am talking" I shut down and said nothing ...... She had to have the floor if you know what I mean.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Hey I kissed her ass for a long time You have no idea ..... We would be in a group of friends and she would be talking then I would try to contribute to the conversation and she would say "Hush I am talking" I shut down and said nothing ...... She had to have the floor if you know what I mean.


Why do you think I have no idea?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

If I said something to offend you I am sorry ....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> If I said something to offend you I am sorry ....


No... no... that's not the point.

You're clearly a good guy who was trying his best and did what you thought was right for the woman you love.

But, you're just as codependent as the rest of us here.

I would recommend staying away from relationships until you deal with that aspect of your personality.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Well look on the bright side. My first marriage made it apparent that I did not need to be married to a self centered woman. Sounds obvious but you don't always realize they are that because they are all into you at the start. I've been married 16 years now to my second wife who is better than I deserve for sure. But I guarantee you that I new what to look for or more specifically what to run from after my first marriage.

Find you some girl who is nice to people in general and to her family. I'll bet you had the same warning signs with your wife that I had. Likely always mad at someone and always thinking someone was out to get her in some way and always judging people and oh yea. If a girl does not get along with other women then RUN....

I agree with previous post that you have little control over the assets so try to disassociate yourself from it if you can whether she deserves it or not. Often the lazy ones get the most because they don't work and you have to pay alimony. Hopefully not in your case.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Catherine, thanks for your e-mail it makes me feel good. Guess what? I still carry the future ex-wife and her son on my health insurance ... I have not cancelled it. Another thing is he had a student loan that he quit paying on ... guess who is paying on the student loan?> Your truly. So you men bashers like Kindi you think about that. I paid the mortgage for 10 years .... had no children between the two of us ..... paid every bill that came into the house .. Ran up 20 k in credit card debit to please her ..... Buying her EVERYTHING and you think she in entitled to 1/2 of everything. That is so wrong so so wrong. Trips to Jamaica trips to Cancun .. clothes. shoes ... and you think she is entitled to 1/2 of everything? Tell me why ? You must be like her is all I can say ...... You are a self centered individual just like her. Take that "s ..... t" somewhere else I am not buying it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Are you in counseling?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

I don't need counseling...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> I don't need counseling...


We can agree to disagree.

When anger consumes someone, they owe it to themselves to get right with themselves again.

Yet, no one can force another to do anything - no matter how right they are.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Hey been separated from the woman for 13 months I will sit back and see what her next move is.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Hey been separated from the woman for 13 months I will sit back and see what her next move is.


What has she ever done?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Don't understand your question be more specific please r


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Don't understand your question be more specific please r


She sat back and let you do it all.

What has she ever done?

And, why do you expect her to do something now?


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

Hey I don't know I really don't know ...... She used me for 11/12 years and now she wants 1/2 the house that she did not pay a dime on and 9 years of my 401k ..... you know what i call that ??? greed /self centered/ selfish


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I can see why you are so mad Chevy. If it were me then I would be pissed at her and also at myself. You might have an argument for some of the assets that holds up in court. I mean 60/40 or 70/30 is better than 50/50. When my mom and step dad split, she showed that much of there assets were brought into the marriage by her and it helped even though her assets were used to acquire new things. 

In your case it may be considered assets generated while you were both married but I don't know.

But yea I worked with a guy going through divorce years back and it was so annoying. I saw him having to pay so much alimony because she was too lazy to work or educate her self all the years they were married. I understand when you have kids together and the whole stay at home mom thing but sometimes self centered lazy people get more than they deserve. 

I was kind of on the "you sure are mad" bandwagon until I read your last post or two which made me understand a little better. Sucks that she will get more than she deserves.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

chevyman said:


> Hey I don't know I really don't know ...... She used me for 11/12 years and now she wants 1/2 the house that she did not pay a dime on and 9 years of my 401k ..... you know what i call that ??? greed /self centered/ selfish


And you are mad as hell, and it's difficult to see past your rage - even to see your part in the relationship.


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

You want to know what my thought is ..... She is sitting in the bushes .... Her 1st husband was a physical abuser and did not work ,, she had 3 kids with him. her second husband was a truck driver ..... I am been with the same company for 37 years and make very good money in management. Come November we would have been married 10 years. She is doing the social secuirty thing ... where if she does not re-marry she will get a very nice social security check every month from my salary. That is my thought on the whole thing .....


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## chevyman (Aug 8, 2012)

It had been so long since I was on this site I had to retrieve my username and password. Here I sit after 18 months of separation with no end in site. I am currently on my 2nd lawyer trying to end the marriage. I have experienced bad luck in the lawyers I have hired. Each lawyer has been reactive instead of proactive. 

I have made numerous attempts via e-mail to the future ex-wife trying to move forward to make the divorce final with maybe a one sentence response like" I want the hurt to go away". I took that as she wants me to go away. If she wants me to go away why can't we end this?

To me like in the beginning of the relationship she had a master plan. 

I continue to pay her health and dental insurance. Guess she will hold out until I die then she will get everything. 

I continue to call my second lawyer and instruct them on what I am willing to give her to end the marriage and they have yet to submit to her lawyer. 


Guess I will be posting on here again after 2 or 3 years ... I don't understand if the relationship is over why the other person can't communicate with the other to end it. From where I sit there is nothing but a financial motive in place. 

Also, I think she enjoys reading my e-mails with no response. I am dealing with a self centered selfish person.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Can you not cut off the insurance?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

ok, I totally get the anger thing, and you know what your entitled to it, but don't let it take you over like it is.

Are you legally separated yet? why oh why are you still carrying them on your insurance??? You need to cut everything off and really really move on. Whats sad it you used the number 75% gold-digger in your match.com statement. But my point is that means you missed out 25% on meeting the woman that could be changing your life for the GOOD right now.

Stop carrying the torch for her, no contact at ALL, pick up a hobby or something to keep your mind busy. Every time you start thinking of her, do push ups or something. Let the anger out, not keep storing it up.


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