# Qustion to Chrstians about divorce?



## Jonny Be Confused (Jan 15, 2016)

I grew up in a traditional Christian environment and was always taught that divorce other than adultery was wrong. I get what the Bible says about marriage and divorce and would agree that its not the best route if it can be avoided but what advice do you have to a Christian that is considering divorce?

On one side if it just isn't working I have to think that there is mercy and grace for that situation even if it isn't a ideal path. We are covered in mercy and grace for stuff every day, is divorce different? Do you think there is eternal consequence for divorce?


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

JMO - adultery is clearly a 'legal' reason to D (legal as in Christian approved). I would think abandonment would be another. Physical and mental abuse would be as well.

I think god wants us to try 'everything' within in reason to stay married, but you can't make someone love you. I think there are eternal consequences if you don't try.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I remember my very preachy MIL telling me the only justification in the Bible for divorce is adultery. When I asked her about 'physical abuse' she said 'that is different'. I then asked her about 'emotional abuse' - to which she looked at me blankly. I then asked 'what does the Bible say about marriage and neglect?' (I could go on...financial abuse, addictions, mental health issues, unreasonable behaviour. It is better to live on the roof of your house than with a nagging wife.....). Life is complicated.

To cut a long story short - it is up to the conscience of the individual as to whether there is biblical justification for divorce. If you look hard enough you will find it.....

My personal advice is that it is not very Christian to waste your precious God given life being unhappy or making someone else unhappy or....horror of horrors...raising children in a 'toxic' environment.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Jonny Be Confused said:


> I grew up in a traditional Christian environment and was always taught that divorce other than adultery was wrong. I get what the Bible says about marriage and divorce and would agree that its not the best route if it can be avoided but what advice do you have to a Christian that is considering divorce?
> 
> On one side if it just isn't working I have to think that there is mercy and grace for that situation even if it isn't a ideal path. We are covered in mercy and grace for stuff every day, is divorce different? Do you think there is eternal consequence for divorce?


From a traditional perspective, there are requirements and expectations in a marriage. Are you living up to those covenants? Is your spouse? That's pretty much all that need be asked, in a nutshell. Here's the Catholic reasons for Annulment (Divorce) and here is the actual Catechism. It doesn't get any more traditional than this. 

If it's just about tradition, then you will find yourself in a pretty tough position. If it is about "happiness" or "comfort" then you'll find that you always have justification for divorce.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Getting divorced doesn't mean your doomed to go to hell.

It's a difficult situation. And it's really between you and God. God knows your relationship and your heart and he knows how much effort or lack of effort you are putting in your marriage. People will always judge you but that's not what's important. I think that as a Christian, you know whether your doing the right thing, and whether your doing the best you can. And if all signs point to divorce, I think your spirit will be at peace with the decision. 

My advice is... pray about it, read your bible, and talk to your Paster. Get your relationship with God right first before making any permanent decisions.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I was brought up in the church and believing divorce was wrong. My first husband cheated on me and I was willing to get help for him but he didn't want the help and didn't want to save the marriage. Sadly, I think he made a very big mistake as his life has been nothing but hurt and hardship and it caused our children great distress. I felt justified in the divorce. We were brought up in the same church, he told me he knew what he was doing was wrong but it was something he wanted to do and I think he had to deal with his guilt.

My second husband could quote you scriptures right from the Bible but that did not stop him from lusting and perusing other women. I did everything I could to save that marriage but this was a man who had no regard for anyone else. My personally take is God would not want me to stay in a marriage where my needs were not being met, and I am not talking sexual. My ex was perusing other women and ignoring me. 

No doubt had I taken this to a pastor he would have told me to pray for my husband and to be faithful just like all the Christian books tell you to do. Nope! I have a brain, I am not an idiot. It took me a long long time but I finally realized life with my husband was never going to be about us.

I have a friend right now in the very same situation and she is even more dedicated to her belief than myself and she is severely stuck. It is sad to see!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*United Methodist, as well as Bible doctrine teaches that there are three acceptable Christian reasons for the filing for divorce:

(1) Adultery/Infidelity 
(2) Mental or Physical Abuse of Spouse, Relative, or Child 
(3) Abandonment *


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Guess I have to do this again. 

Old testament

Leviticus 20:10 

If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

New testament after Christ new covenant. 
Matthew 19:9

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, *except for sexual immorality*, and marries another woman commits adultery.

The bold part is your out. By the way Jesus didn't specifically mention adultery there because in his time it was assumed that both parties would be put to death. No questions asked. There was no need for divorce in the case of adultery because both parties were dead. You were free to remarry because your cheating partner was dead. 

So thanks to Jesus you can just divorce them and you don't have to kill them (and if you wanted to abide by the rules, yes you would have had to kill both of them). I love how all the fire and brimstone believers blow that part off. Um no you don't have to stay, and the adulterer is still getting Gods mercy by being allowed to live. There has never been a time in all of history where the God of the bible expected you to have to live with an adulterer.

As far as divorcing without adultery it is a sin. Like any other sin, if you are a Christian then you must believe because of Christ's death there are no eternal consequences for sin, however that doesn't mean there are not earthly ones. What are the issues in your marriage?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

> 1 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
> 
> 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands *as you do to the Lord. *23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
> 
> 25 Husbands, love your wives,* just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her *26 to make her holy, cleansing* her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband*


*


Ephesians 5 ^^^^

@Jonny Be Confused The above would have to be totally mutual. A wife can only submit to a man when her welfare is as important to him as his own life. A man can only sacrifice himself for a woman who is completely his.

Very ideal. Hard to achieve. Ideals aren't meant to be achieved---ideals are a dream that keep you on the right path.

Adultery is definitely a reason for divorce.

But based on Ephesians 5, I would also include substance abuse [not the occasional drink, or joint if you live where pot is legal], financial endangerment [spending the rent money at the casino, reckless abuse of credit cards], any type of physical violence.

Just my opinion. When I get real confused, I try to focus on:




Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Click to expand...

 1 John 4:8.

And,



For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.

Click to expand...

 Psalm 103:14


I'm not trying to give you a "get out of jail free card", I guess I'm trying to "do unto others".

If I was stuck in a sh.tty, abusive marriage, I wouldn't want people being legalistic and merciless to me. I'd want love and understanding.


Hope this helps. Very best wishes to you.*


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Johnny I read your other thread. Why are you accepting so little in your life. Your wife treats you awfully. There is better out there for you. I know you want to make your marriage work but maybe it is not in her to do it. Maybe you need someone else to make it work for you.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

sokillme said:


> Johnny I read your other thread. Why are you accepting so little in your life. Your wife treats you awfully. There is better out there for you. I know you want to make your marriage work but maybe it is not in her to do it. Maybe you need someone else to make it work for you.


I had forgotten OP's story, and read it again after you posted this. Thanks for reminding me to check that.


Johnny, I wouldn't worry about a "Christian" justification. You have all the justification you need. Your W has severely violent tendencies. It appears there is nothing you can do to get her to behave like a normal person.

Get out of this marriage. Address the religious issues later. Even the Catechism (I'm using the Catholic Church as the standard because they are probably the strictest church RE: Divorce) states that sometimes a civil divorce is necessary to protect legal rights, to protect children etc and can in some cases be tolerated, thus not constituting a moral offense.

In a worst case scenario, if you need to meet religious requirements, you can seek help from your Church after exiting this situation, and if they do not feel you are justified, you can go on as living "married" separately--as in continue to act as if you are a married man, and seek no female relations. I don't think you'll have to go through that, but I just want to point out that there are options if the Church does not recognize your dissolution as valid.


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## Jonny Be Confused (Jan 15, 2016)

Thanks for the replies.

This is very difficult for me to deal with. Spiritually I want to make sure I have tried the best that I am able to in order to make it work out before getting divorced but if it comes to a divorce I believe God's mercy and grace will cover both of us. I know its not the ideal thing from a Christian perspective but the fact of the matter is we are forgiven and covered by grace in many things every day.

At least the physical violence tenancies have mostly stopped after putting my foot down many years ago but sometimes I can see it well up and she will act like she it going to throw something at me and I remind her I wont tolerate it, so it seems better but the potential is still there.


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## Hellomynameis (Dec 16, 2016)

I highly suggest you read the book "When Divorce is Scriptural and Marriage is Unscriptural." I believe the author is J. Vernon McGee.


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## mupostori (May 20, 2012)

I think separation is permissible but not in the way the world does it , where one is free to see other people. 
There is nothing in the bible that stops a married couple from maintaining two households if they cant't stay under the same roof.


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