# I cheated...i'm heartbroken.



## clynnwatson (Aug 11, 2011)

Like i said.

The real kicker my husband is in the military and he was gone for a little less than a month and i cheated.

Thing is...before he left...i felt neglected. I did not feel needed. I did not feel wanted. So when he left...it made it so much worse. He had weekends off, that is where i would think he would want to talk. But whenever i called he was always busy with his friends and i had to ask to put some time to the side for me.

He came home early, he found out. He kicked me out. Says it's up to me if i want this to work. But it takes two to make this work. He has to be willing to work on it right? And worse thing is before i met him i was going to join the military. Now that we don't live together, i have no job anymore and i had to drop out of school since i moved away. I was thinking about joining again, however he says he does not trust me now...how can he trust me when i'm away in the military?

I'm so lost right now...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. Heavy stuff.

But you cheated. He has every right to feel the way he does.

You didn't once say you were sorry-- you are still blaming it on him and trying to excuse it away.

How did he find out? Did you tell him? If not, then are you just lost because of the guilt?

You cheated, he knows...and now he's angry, hurt and whatever else he feels.

Sorry to be so blunt, but...before you can work on anything, you have to really feel sorry about what you did and realize what you did. Yes, how you "felt" before it happened is valid, but WHY did you feel that way-- and it wasn't because of him. Own your emotions. Take responsibility. He doesn't have to do anything right now except try to heal. Work on you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How did your husband find out? Did you confess? It takes two to restore a marriage. You have a huge mess to clean up if you want to. You should start by apologizing and owning what you did and being accountable, honest and transparent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clynnwatson (Aug 11, 2011)

Oh man! I did say sorry. i bawled my eyes out. Cried. told him over and over again how sorry i was/am. Told him that ill change and that i can be the wife he deserves...

i tell him sorry every day.

and that i know we are supposed to be together. i told him i know what i did was plain wrong and so weak of me. i cant change what i have done...all i can do is try and work toward a happy ending..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How did he find out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clynnwatson (Aug 11, 2011)

Someone at my work found out and i work for his brother...he told his dad his parents sat us down and told him.


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## Wonder66 (Jan 21, 2011)

are you sorry because he found out and financially is hard now since he kicked you out? what if he did not found out, would you e sorry now?

What I am trying to say it is hard for him to listen to your sorry since he found out himself first!


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

Clynn,

It sounds like youre sorry that you were caught, not that yOu betrayed your husband. If no one at work knew, would you have confessed? That doubt is certainly in your husbands mind. If she was t caught, it's likely she would have kept doing it. And only gone for a month - a year long deployment would be mental torture for him, wondering what you're up to. You will get no sympathy here.

What you will get is a bucket of cold water to your face, to wake you up. Exposure of the truth is a good way to break up the fantasy land a cheater lives in. The posters here give out good advice for both the loyal spouse and the disloyal spouse to rebuild. You may not want to hear some of it, but it's beneficial to post here and seek help. I was Army, and I Know there were programs families could use to seek help. Not sure what branch you're husband is in, but I'm sure alll branches have equivalent programs. It's a long road ahead, but if he wants to try,, it can be done.

Clynn, this is an emotional rollercoaster. When the dust settles from the immediate explosion, you have to ask yourself if you are truly willing to do whatever it takes to save this. Also ask, do you truly want to be married? It would be more harmful to him, and also you, if you were to continue in a marriage that your heart is not in. I've seen tough men unravel over marital problems. A military wife have struggles, also. Good luck, Please keep us posted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How long have you been separated? Are you still in contact? Do you live far from eachother? When was the last time you spoke?

It goes without saying but I will anyway--NO MORE contact with the other man if you want your marriage to survive at all.


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## clynnwatson (Aug 11, 2011)

I had an emotional breakdown from everything that i have done...before he found out. i felt disgusted in myself....i was going to tell him....we were already arguing all the time before this. we were JUST starting to work things out and then this happened. i feel terrible. he said he is considering taking me back now...but he will not have a wife he cant trust in the military. But keep the ball rolling in case things dont work out. I would be gone for 6 months or so for training and school.

we have been separated only a week. im so lost and no idea what to do or how to do it. we text when he responds really...no phone. im supposed to see him tomorrow to get the rest of my things. now we live about a little over 2 hours from one another. the day he found out he told me to change my number and cut him off. which i did right away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tomorrow is the perfect time to discuss with him how you feel (when you meet up with him). 

You need to apologize if you haven't already. And say WHY you are sorry. You need to empathize with him and acknowledge his pain, distrust in you, and if you are serious about wanting to get back with him, you MUST end all contact with OM and commit to your marriage 100%. This isn't a say and not do thing. You MUST follow through with being honest, transparent, and accountable. You have just issued a MAJOR blow to your husband and your marriage. He will never trustyou 100% again. That is what happens when someone cheats. Offer marriage counselling.

Ultimately the ball is in his court, so he is the one who will decide whether to continue or not. Respect whichever way he chooses.


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## clynnwatson (Aug 11, 2011)

Update. i spent the last 3 days with my Husband and we are getting back together....in a few months. Come nov. we will be living under the same roof. I am so happy. Minus the fact he thinks he should even the score...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Are you in any type of counseling at the moment? If not then you should consider IC (individual counseling) and MC (marriage counseling) when your husband comes back from deployment.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So what will you two be doing in the interim to restore your marriage?

What's your plan?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

clynnwatson said:


> Update. i spent the last 3 days with my Husband and we are getting back together....in a few months. Come nov. we will be living under the same roof. I am so happy. Minus the fact he thinks he should even the score...


I have often felt if I was ever in this situation I would have to even the score also. if I even decided to stay together.

I know alot of people would blast me for thinking this way but I would definatly have to even the score


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

I won't excuse what you did. I will say he is culpable. You felt neglected but you also cite specific things that were issues with him. It's a little self-righteous of him to be upset now when he was neglecting you before. That doesn't make you right and it doesn't make his actions now wrong, per se'. However, it doesn't sound you two were headed anywhere had things continued as they were. Obviously, they could and can be turned around but as you say it takes commitment. If he was spending weekends with his friends and not his wife there's a serious problem.

My advice is to try to find some family you can be with and see where things go. Give him some space if he wants it. I wouldn't join the military if I were because I think that's going to compound the issue because you two will have less time to try to resolve this. Even if you decide to end it, think long and hard about joining. You shouldn't join because you have to.


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