# Who seperated and then reconciled?



## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

A question for those that are seperated after their wife left them..

How long before you reconciled? I read that 75% of seperated couples end in divorce. I am starting to think that number is low..

These last 4 weeks have been sheer torture. I did not want a seperation, but she walked out (after I demanded she end a EA). I can't stay in a empty house with all her things for months on end...

She is with her mom for the next four weeks and already told me she is going to live somewhere else when she comes back...I am starting to think she did not have the guts to ask for a divorce and this was just a cop out. And I was misled..

This does not sound like a person that has any interest in reconciling..she claimed she did not want a divorce a month ago, but her actions speak otherwise..

How can one possibly reconcile when you have been betrayed by a spouse that walked out on you? I can't fathom the thought right now in my wildest dreams.

I plan to get my own apartment this week and not wait for her to come back...work on myself and start to date again. 

Sending her a seperation agreement in a few days as a prelude to divorce.

I am doing the 180, but seems like she is doing the same..or maybe she does not give a sh** anymore and I am just delusional..


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

My spouse and I field for divorce in March. We lived together until mid June, when I moved out of state. During the March-June period, we would still fool around and have multiple mini break-ups. I now live out of state in my own apartment. We haven't spoken since June. He has only intitated contact once, when he contacted me with a generic birthday text. He is in love with someone else and never told me. I'm now uncomfortable at the thought of speaking with him. I miss him greatly though.

I believe you are correct, seperation is just the first phase of divorce.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

We did, after 3 months, but there was no infidelity to fog up our brains. Just needed to do some serious work on my self and he had to work on himself.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Well, it was my husband who left me.
We were separated for 12 months, I had given up, not really moved on, but coming to accept he was going to marry his AP.
1 year to the day he left, he rang me in a panic, he has woken up that morning, something in his brain snapped back & he wanted to know if would take him back. I did.
It does seem that the figures for successful reconcilation are not that high, compared to the divorce rate. Every relationship is different & things that work for one couple may not work for the next couple.


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

This is what seperation means to me:

"I want to see how life can be without you"

"I want to spend more time on my EA/PA and then decide what to do"

"I don't have the guts to ask for a divorce as I will be the bad person and don't want to live with the guilt"

Did I miss any other "real" reasons from those that have been through this?


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

yep


lonleyinlasvegas said:


> This is what seperation means to me:
> 
> "I want to see how life can be without you"
> 
> ...


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

For my stbxh, I believe it was "it is easier to RUN away from all financial and emotional responsibility than face the fact that I have no idea who I am, what I want to do with my life, or who I want to be with...and oh yeah, I probably should have told you that I had no intention of finding a job or growing up in any way when I married you."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

"If I get dumped by OM(s) I'll have a husband at home to go back to"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

keko said:


> "If I get dumped by OM(s) I'll have a husband at home to go back to"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yep thats for sure, you have to ask yourself if you'll ever be able to trust her again, not an easy task, my first wife & i were separated 10 mos, i met & fell in love with my current stbxw & had detached & moved on at 6 mos, i did r with her & it was horrible for us both, we separated for good 3 mos later, now this marriage i'll never allow myself to r. you'd have to read my thread to under stand, limbo is HELL, i know this, we all know this, realize 1 thing, if you do r your marriage will never be the same/good or bad


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Now, are we just talking about separation only.

Or "I want a divorce" followed by separation?


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

she claims she does NOT want a divorce, but all her actions to burn 12 years of our relationship, our home, and the business we built together seem contrary to that wish..

I have told her that you won't find the happiness you claim to seek by reducing the past to ashes with your self destructive recent behavior..


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

It's true being in limbo is sheer hell and torture. now I know what a innocent person waiting for a death sentence feels like..

I feel like I am just waiting for a verdict to come down from something I have no control over, much like a runaway freight train..

I have to believe that the rational, caring person I married has gone totally insane for someone else. there is no other logical explanation..


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

been separated close to 20 months now, wife will be moving back home soon...but like others said, we had our own issues to work on that would have been ignored if we hadn't of separated...love, or lack of loe, was never an issue....


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