# Things that shouldn't bother me....



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

But yet they do.....Today the ex husband came by to pick up our daughter. He had his new GF with him when he came over. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't upset that he had her with him. But the thing that gave me a trigger was, was seeing first hand how unfair all of this really is. I was with him for 15 years. I was completely faithful to him. I never lied to him, nor kept secrets from him. I never snuck around behind his back. I was a good wife to him. He, on the other hand, treated me like crap. He cheated on me I don't know how many times, but it was many, many, many times over the course of our 15 yrs together. He constantly lied to me, he snuck around behind my back. He emotionally/verbally/mentally abused me. This is what bothers me. It bothers me that Captain Asshat gets to have someone to hold at night while I'm all alone. I mean, you would think that I might actually deserve to be loved but yet, he's the one with someone who says those words to him, and I'm all alone. Maybe it shouldn't bother me. Maybe I should just wait patiently for real love to come my way, but it still seems so unfair that I was the one who treated him good, yet I'm the one who gets **** on. 
Also, I've been having lots of triggers this past week. I've been trying to cope the best I can and not bother you all but I'm feeling pretty yucky right now. It was one year ago this month that affair one of three began and eventually led to my divorce. I keep thinking about the holidays coming up, and family get togethers, and how my sisters all have their husbands, and I'm all alone. The mind movies are starting to play back again when I had those things blocked for a few months now. I think of this time last year when I thought all was well, only now to know, it wasn't. And there is no justice for me. I can't sue him for all the mental anguish he has given me. I can't do anything. He gets to kick me and leave me where I lay and there's no justice for me. (For any of us who have been betrayed) 
So, basically he is able to lie, cheat, steal and manipulate and he gets to have someone to love him. He gets to treat me like sh*t, and he gets no consequence. While, I, who was faithful and devoted is left all alone with nothing. Sounds totally fair.
Oh, but I am 99.9% sure that he is cheating on this GF.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

We have to let go of the pretty basic concept of Justice when dealing with all of this. Some days I do much better than others.

I hear the phrase "Life's good, but not always fair" in my head a lot. Again - some days its a comfort. Other days - a trigger.

Like a lot of people, I'd like to believe in Karma. That in the end, all these creeps and cheaters will get some payback, while we will get our grand rewards for having been the better person.

I'm not sure if it works quite like we want it to, but I still think in the end we'll be happier if we do the right things.

And if you still feel the same - next time you see him - kick him in the nuts! Some guys just deserve it. Makes me think that's why God made us so sensitive there - like an Achilles heel. I don't believe its a design flaw of some sort...


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

So, you got rid of a problem, and she has him now. He cheated and lost a good wife. He lost, not you. His new GF will find that out soon enough. He will never find love, only lust.

A good, solid, feet on the ground ex-wife is much more attractive than the opposite. You will find someone. Try Match.com and take your time.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

HerToo said:


> So, you got rid of a problem, and she has him now. He cheated and lost a good wife. He lost, not you. His new GF will find that out soon enough. He will never find love, only lust.
> 
> A good, solid, feet on the ground ex-wife is much more attractive than the opposite. You will find someone. Try Match.com and take your time.


I'm not in a rush to date anyone right now. If I do meet someone and we connect, then awesome! But for now, I am willing to wait for love to find me (although sometimes I do get impatient, lol) 
I just have a hard time with the unfairness of it all.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm not trying to rush you. It will happen when you are ready to receive it or seek it. 

If my wife had divorced me, how could I possibly date. "Hi, I'm X, I cheated on my wife. Would you like to go out and see if a relationship that requires trust and honesty develops? No. Why not?"

I'd have to wear my "I'm with Stupid" with the arrow pointing at me t-shirt every day. I feel like I wear it now around my wife.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I'm not trying to rush you. It will happen when you are ready to receive it or seek it.
> 
> If my wife had divorced me, how could I possibly date. "Hi, I'm X, I cheated on my wife. Would you like to go out and see if a relationship that requires trust and honesty develops? No. Why not?"
> 
> I'd have to wear my "I'm with Stupid" with the arrow pointing at me t-shirt every day. I feel like I wear it now around my wife.


I don't want to ever be back with my ex but I sure wish he would actually feel guilty over what he did.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

He should feel guilty, remorseful, sorrow for his loss, and ashamed. I'm still early in my post d-day, but I think of what I did every day. The bad choices I made, the people I hurt, the shame that I wear. 

Hopefully he will wake up and apologize for what he did to you.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

HerToo said:


> He should feel guilty, remorseful, sorrow for his loss, and ashamed. I'm still early in my post d-day, but I think of what I did every day. The bad choices I made, the people I hurt, the shame that I wear.
> 
> Hopefully he will wake up and apologize for what he did to you.


This wasn't a one time event for him. He kept lying and cheating over and over and over and over again. He's not once been sorry in 15 years. I can't imagine he will ever be sorry.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, he'll cheat on her too. 

Sorry you have to deal with those thoughts. Sorry he's a turd-bucket and thinks it's ok to bring the gf along with him to his marital home.


Screw that guy....figuratively, of course.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

He has someone right now, yes.. but, He will do the same thing to her that he did to you and the next and the next and so on or she will do it first. Kharma is a B!tch..

You will find a man who loves Apple for Apple.. You need to pick up the pieces of your life and move on before he comes along, Keep your head held high.

He will never feel guilty for what he did to you our your family. He is an ass. He deserves what ever comes his way and i hope that all of his GF cheat on him so he knows what it is like...

You will find someone.. i promise you this... keep your chin up and take it one day at a time.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

First off apple, it's her problem now not yours. He is (not was) a serial cheater and now you don't have to worry about where he is or what he's doing. You can spend that energy on yourself and your daughter.
Secondly, dont worry about finding someone, keep taking care of yourself and soon enough some nice chappie will be more than happy to help you take care of yourself too..

Lifes unfairness and dangers mean we have to learn to solve problems to get past them, which means other peoples experiences can help us through the hard times, which means we survive and thrive better working by collectively, and this means we should be learning and understanding ourselves better everyday, which means we should be able to help and educate our children better, which means society itself should benefit as a whole. Even if it hurts, our pain can be used to help others.
Life wasn't made to be fair, only experienced.

Just my tuppence

N-B


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I'm not in a rush to date anyone right now. If I do meet someone and we connect, then awesome! But for now, I am willing to wait for love to find me (although sometimes I do get impatient, lol)
> .


I flew over in the chopper a couple of times and you had not cleared the parking lot. I mean, jeez, what does a guy have to do to get your attention


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> First off apple, it's her problem now not yours. He is (not was) a serial cheater and now you don't have to worry about where he is or what he's doing. You can spend that energy on yourself and your daughter.
> Secondly, dont worry about finding someone, keep taking care of yourself and soon enough some nice chappie will be more than happy to help you take care of yourself too..
> 
> Lifes unfairness and dangers mean we have to learn to solve problems to get past them, which means other peoples experiences can help us through the hard times, which means we survive and thrive better working by collectively, and this means we should be learning and understanding ourselves better everyday, which means we should be able to help and educate our children better, which means society itself should benefit as a whole. Even if it hurts, our pain can be used to help others.
> ...


"Chappie" I gotta take a trip to the UK sometime. You all have so many fun words


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ing said:


> I flew over in the chopper a couple of times and you had not cleared the parking lot. I mean, jeez, what does a guy have to do to get your attention


Oh that was you? Oops, sorry. I was looking for the chopper with the bigger banner flying behind it that read "Apple is Awesome"


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Lol, but we hate stating the obvious. That's like having a banner that shouts, 'The sky's up here!'
or
'I bet your reading this banner!'


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> Lol, but we hate stating the obvious. That's like having a banner that shouts, 'The sky's up here!'
> or
> 'I bet your reading this banner!'


Touche.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Oh, and he called me a B*tch last night when he picked up our daughter. This is good. It means I am making progress in learning to stand up for myself


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