# Is it normal to feel like this??



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

I am currently separated from my husband. Our relationship has been one of very high highs and very low lows. I finally got fed up and sought a divorce. But he took all our savings and paid of his credit cards. So I am back where I started. I am a housewife with no resources. I started the applications for help to get childcare and look for a job in the meantime. Im not sure if its the fact that I am home and thinking so much that makes me so sad, but I am feeling SO sad. Hes been out since Monday. and hes been so nice most of the time. (He was a major ass during the time he found out about the lawyer). Anyways, I know he is behaving cuz he wants to be back home, but as much as I know this it is still pulling at my heart. I feel vulnerable. I feel lost... 

is it all normal....when will it go away?? His marriage history is different from mine and so are many of our ideas about everything. I feel this is my best choice at peace. But I haven't told my kids (7) and (3) years old. my son (7) misses his dad and thinks he is working hard and that's why he hasn't been home. I FEEL AWFUL>>>>HELP ME!!! IS THIS NORMAL!?!


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## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

Completely normal during any marriage separation, whether its what you want or not its still a very painful process to go through, even more so when there are children involved. 

You will get lots of really great advice here from people in all different situations. Good luck with everything.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

Believe me the feelings are normal. Even though you started the process it is hard. Take it day by day and just concentrate on yourself. That was crappy of him to take off with all of your savings. Make to address that with your lawyer so you can try and get your half back. Try to get a copy of the bank statement showing that. This is a good place to get advice from people that are going through or already done that. Listen to them!


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your divorce, Mishu. There are stages of grief you're going through. I found an article you may find helpful. It's titled "Healthy Grief" and it outlines the stages most people go through in processing their pain. It's at Healthy Grief - Focus on the Family. HUGS and blessings to you!


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

last night we had an event at my sons school that he attended with me. It was akward when he came in even though we have been talking all week like if we were friends. But I guess the earlier argument about taxes kinda peeved him off so he was holding on to it... anyways.... yes was very awkward. I was tired and wanted to rest my head on him. He smelled good. His skin looked nice. I missed him physically. Not sexually, but just missed him in body....

Anyways, He took us out to dinner to celebrate my sons accomplishment and it was alright. But on the way out of the school he kept asking questions about who is this and that and why didn't you introduce me, blah blah blah. At that moment any positive feelings I was having were squashed. 

We went out to dinner, quiet but good. Kids were a hand full but we got through it. He went for a walk and took both (which he never does) while I waited at the table. this wasn't him being rude. He is a smoke and needs a smoke to settle his stomach when he eats too much. so I was happy he took them both and I got 2 minutes alone. 

We got home and he said he needed to take him some items but instead sat at the computer, I feel trying to check up on me. I called him out. He also was asking me all kinds of questions and I was trying to put the kids down so I got irritated and told him to quit or to please leave. He stayed and tried on a few new shirts he got for a work trip. We joked around a bit and it was okay. But the badgering in between about non-sense I just don't remember got me so tired I asked him to hurry up and please go. He kept offering a massage because of my back pain but I declined and he smiled and said okay that is the last one I offer. I just stayed quiet. 

I know I made mistakes in our marriage and maybe that's why I have all this guilt. for example:

1. sex is minimal sometimes and sometimes its a lot....because of me. IF it were up to him id live in the bed with him,and from what ive read here I should appreciate that h wants me like that all the time. He really does a good job of making me feel wanted.

2. he doesn't see tat the reason I cant have sex is because im angry from the badgering and jealousy. Im just not able to perform when I am upset and refuse to reward bad behavior.

3. which brings me to point three... who the hell am I to be rewarding or not. Im his wife, not his mom. 

There is so much to our relationship that needs work, but this is what he blames me for.... and im just wracked with guilt. Why did I allow myself to get angry? why didn't I just let it go... but then I remember, I get mad because he lies (very stupid ones at that), because he has a double standard about what I can and cant do, who I can and cant b friends with, where and when I go somewhere, yet he does as he pleases (within reason most times) but I would want the same courtesy. Money is another issue. Im frugal, he is not. yet I am to blame when we are broke. He never ever gives me any time away from home. EVER. I went on this trip to get my nails done once a week and that last maybe 4 or 5 trips before it stopped because the arguing it caused wasn't worth the pretty nails or my self esteem. 

Sorry this was so long, but im so conflicted. I am and there is no way around it.


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

This is a heart-wrenching process for both of you, so don't feel badly about how you're responding. Have you considered getting help from a counselor? I hope you can. Hang in there!


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