# His Kids



## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

I have been with a nice man for 5 years. Living together for 3. I am divorced. Married 23 years, divorced since 96. 

He divorced in early 80's when his wife left him and two little children. He brought them up by himself, a wonderful father. He did remarry but she died in 08 from cancer.

My three kids are adults, his two are adults. All married with lives of their own.

His son lives far away and he talks to him maybe 2-3 times a week. His daughter, who I adore by the way and we get along good, lives 20 minutes from here and he talks to her 2-3 times a day! Yes, and it is starting to get to me. 

He manages rental homes for his daughter and her husband but he still calls her for no reason and it is starting to get to me.

I am fine with not talking to my kids for a week or two.

Now the kicker: We were in bed today doing some intimate things and in the middle of it all he starts talking about his daughter! I just sat up, said I am taking a shower and walked away. He had no clue as to why I left. When I got back from my shower I told him I did not appreciate him talking about his kids while we were in the middle in intimacy. He got all red in the face and apologized. 

Did I over react?


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Well, that probably would kill the mood, but why is his talking to her 2-3 times per day bothering you so much? (I'm not being flippant - just asking you to delve deeper into what's bothering you.) Are they long talks or just brief calls? Does he put aside other activities on a regular basis just to talk to his daughter?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

So not only is it his daughter, in a round about way, she's his boss too? Do you feel slighted, other than this time in the bedroom, about your time being sacrificed cause of these calls? Maybe you need to read 5 love languages, sounds like your love language might be quality time, whats his?


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

ginger-snap said:


> Well, that probably would kill the mood, but why is his talking to her 2-3 times per day bothering you so much? (I'm not being flippant - just asking you to delve deeper into what's bothering you.) Are they long talks or just brief calls? Does he put aside other activities on a regular basis just to talk to his daughter?


I guess I just see it as taking time away from us but on closer examination you are right. It should not bother me so much, he only talks to her for a few minutes. They are brief and he does not put aside other things to talk to her. 

He is going to visit his son all next week and I wanted tonight to be just for us and instead he choose to call her after we just saw her for 6 hrs. today to thank her for having us. We made her lunch and brought it over to her. Then after the bedroom incident it just added to it.


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

Thumper said:


> So not only is it his daughter, in a round about way, she's his boss too? Do you feel slighted, other than this time in the bedroom, about your time being sacrificed cause of these calls? Maybe you need to read 5 love languages, sounds like your love language might be quality time, whats his?


No she is not his boss. He does not get paid, he just does repairs on the homes for free.

Yes I have read that book. His love language is "acts of service."


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Do you have scheduled date nights with each other? Do you feel you spend enough time with each other? Maybe talking with him about how you could both spend some more time together?


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

Thumper said:


> Do you have scheduled date nights with each other? Do you feel you spend enough time with each other? Maybe talking with him about how you could both spend some more time together?


Yes we are both retired and are together 24/7 so I think my expectations are a bit unrealistic.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

> He is going to visit his son all next week and I wanted tonight to be just for us and instead he choose to call her after we just saw her for 6 hrs. today to thank her for having us. We made her lunch and brought it over to her. Then after the bedroom incident it just added to it.


Aha, I think this is the crux. I can see why it might get a little annoying or over the top. But, he sounds like he's a great dad, so maybe this is just one of those quirks we all have that gets on the other's nerves once in awhile. 



> No she is not his boss. He does not get paid, he just does repairs on the homes for free.
> 
> Yes I have read that book. His love language is "acts of service."


Well, there ya go! He does house repairs for them for free and his love language is acts of service. Do you do any for him? What is your love language? Does he do that for you?


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

ginger-snap said:


> Aha, I think this is the crux. I can see why it might get a little annoying or over the top. But, he sounds like he's a great dad, so maybe this is just one of those quirks we all have that gets on the other's nerves once in awhile.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, there ya go! He does house repairs for them for free and his love language is acts of service. Do you do any for him? What is your love language? Does he do that for you?


Yes I do a lot for him since he has sight problems. I think my love language is spending time together and physical contact like hugging.

He is a wonderful dad. It is what attracted me to him in the first place so I should just shut up and not complain huh? LOL!


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Maybe if he starts talking about his daughter again during intimate times, just give him a nice long kiss to shut him up, and if that doesn't work, say "honey, I love that you love your kids, but now is not the time" and give him a smile and a wink.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

ginger-snap said:


> Maybe if he starts talking about his daughter again during intimate times, just give him a nice long kiss to shut him up, and if that doesn't work, say "honey, I love that you love your kids, but now is not the time" and give him a smile and a wink.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds perfect:smthumbup:


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

i think it's a bit wacky to be talking about his daughter while being intimate, so I don't blame you for getting bent out of shape. it wouldn't be right if he talked about work or a friend or anything else. it meant that something else is on his mind and it's not you. At least he got embarassed.

I love what ginger-snap said, ""honey, I love that you love your kids, but now is not the time."


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

IsGirl3 said:


> i think it's a bit wacky to be talking about his daughter while being intimate, so I don't blame you for getting bent out of shape. it wouldn't be right if he talked about work or a friend or anything else. it meant that something else is on his mind and it's not you. At least he got embarassed.
> 
> I love what ginger-snap said, ""honey, I love that you love your kids, but now is not the time."


Yep exactly my inner thoughts. He should be thinking about me while we are in bed being intimate not about anything else, at least don't verbalize it! :scratchhead:


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

He IS a great dad. He also has a different relationship with his kids than you do with yours. Neither is right nor wrong. 

My bet is he didn't make any connection about how that would make you feel when he brought it up.

I'd turn it in to a bit of a game - spend a date night NOT talking about kids, family, bills, work. Kind of like dating. It's funny what you WILL end up talking about and even learning after a number of years.


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## DMZ1 (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes you are right. Everyone has different relationships with their kids. I think him being both mom and dad made them very close which is wonderful. It shows his integrity. 

That idea sounds good!


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

You're a lucky woman - there are a LOT of guys who have no relationship or a poor one with their kids. 

One thing I'm learning, slowly and over time is to express clearly and directly exactly what my H does or says that is upsetting and to do it as soon as possible. This reduces possibility of building up resentment and anger which are huge relationship killers. 

I think we can all relate to how you felt at that time. In fact, he may understand it if you explain it that way. After all, how would he feel if you brought up the gas bill or mowing the lawn right during that intimate moment? LOL!!!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Do you mean he started talking about his kids while you were having sex or had you finished and were lying in bed together?

We will often lazy around after sex and chat about all sorts of things including his/my kids, business, the world, life etc. 
Talking about daily stuff while actually having sex seems odd. All I want during sex is dirty talk.

As for his relationship with his kids, sounds great and I agree with the pp, sounds like he is a wonderful father.

TBH OP in the greater scheme of things it doesn't sound like you have much to worry about. Love the idea of giving him a big kiss and simply saying that now is not the time for chatter.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband and are intimate a lot and yes sometimes we discuss the kids. Not some lengthy conversation mind you but their names come up because well they are a big part of our lives.

Are you jealous of his relationship with his daughter?


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