# Do you think I am being "Played" (False Reconcilliation)



## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

I am seeking your opinion as to whether my WW has been sincere in our reconciliation or am I being fooled again. After being cheated on by her I am no longer 100% trusting of my own perception of her.

The reconciliation appeared to have been going great over the past six months, in particular, with a little hiccup here and there. I knew it would take time and I could not expect perfection but continuous improvement.

Well, the other night we were getting along great and were getting ready to go out for dinner when all of a sudden she said something subtle that just rung like a bell in my ear. She said how she always tried to bring stability to our relationship. I calmly said to her, "Did you hear what you just said?" She replied, "Yes". I waited for her to correct herself and she didn't. I then told her that WSs do not have the habit of bringing stability to a household. One thing led to another and I began to tally several areas (minor not major) that she had actually been slipping on lately. She said she was lazy and that was why some of those things were slipping. These things that she let slip, while minor, were still part of our reconciliation agreement. So I asked her to go to a hotel for a couple of days so we could both think about it without fighting.

So after three days apart I get this email today,

"I miss you very much. I haven't been sleeping very well (who knew, eh) and I tear up easily and frequently. When I think about who and what I have been all my life I do not like it. I have dreams of regular everyday occurrences with strangers where I feel bad afterward about how I behave or come across. And even though I told myself before that I have to think before I react/speak in any and every situation I do not (big surprise, eh)...I feel that the situation happens too fast. I don't even know if that's an explanation or an excuse anymore. 

I want you to ask me back but since I easily forget both my bad behavior and my pain I am afraid I will just go back to my same old self. And right now I can't honestly say that I feel like a different person and I don't have any answers. You miss my good parts but the rest of me doesn't cut it and doesn't compare favorably to others. And even though I think that deep down inside I am a good person (just misguided and shaped this way...liberal, eh) I haven't behaved as such and I have never really paid any consequences. Does anyone go through life without paying?

I have written and rewritten this email.

I miss you."


Your thoughts please...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm on my phone so the short answer yes she appears to be playing you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ya know...she could be sincere and still not have a f'ng clue as to her wayward behaviors. Yes, she should know absolutely what she is doing, but I can say that looking at my own wife's behaviors over the last 8 months, there were times in the first 6 where she did what she should have been doing to reconcile, but my spider senses were still tingling. Unfortunately, I was right. There were just a "few" more things she was scared to tell me. It doesn't mean she didn't want to reconcile, it simply meant she had no clue as to what holding anything back meant to me. When I explained myself, she came at me with the last bit of what she was holding onto.

You and you alone know your wife. We can sit here and nit pick (sorry for the horrible wording there) into next week, but we don't know the nuances of your relationship. 

Has she done heavy lifting for you? Has she answered all of your questions? What do YOU want?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> Do you think I am being "Played" (False Reconcilliation)


False reconciliation in the sense of still f0cking around?
False R in the sense of she maybe doesn't get it?



> I want you to ask me back but since I easily forget both my bad behavior and my pain I am afraid I will just go back to my same old self. And right now I can't honestly say that I feel like a different person and I don't have any answers. You miss my good parts but the rest of me doesn't cut it and doesn't compare favorably to others. And even though I think that deep down inside I am a good person (just misguided and shaped this way...liberal, eh) I haven't behaved as such and I have never really paid any consequences. Does anyone go through life without paying?


This is a pity party. She probably is sincere too, a little manipulative at a thesame time. I don't deserve you, I'm a bad person, I need punishment, maybe you are right in not letting me back home, maybe you should divorce me...

Don't know what kind of slips, the part of the agreements she failed but maybe she's tired of paying consequences (kicked out to Hotel).


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Does your wife really have any clue as to what the definition of mge, REALLY is

What does she think, when she looks at her wedding ring---or does she think at all, about the symbolism of mge.

Since you have started your R---what accountability has your wife gone thru, or is she basically living the same lifestyle she had during her pre A/A days

What boundaries are actually in place, and how well are they being observed

As to you---what is your life like, do you still have problems with your sub--conscious-----can you look at her/touch her/talk to her, as you did prior to her infidelity-----are you more like roommates, than married and in love---are you really still in love with her, and if so, is it the same love you once had for her

Take stock of your life as it is now---is it satisfying to you, or would you change it, and if you would change it---HOW WOULD YOU CHANGE IT?????


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Has she done heavy lifting for you? Has she answered all of your questions? - She has done the big things like full transparency, no male friends, no girls night out, no drinking and etc. It just seems like she is not crossing her "Ts" and dotting her "Is". It's seems like she is willing to go 98.9% of the way there. Like she might be leaving a door open perhaps? She is not sensitive or reflective of her gaffs. She doesn't seem to perceive them in reference to her past mistakes.

What do YOU want? - to stick a fork in it if it is over. I do NOT want to waste one more day of my life if this reconciliation is not real.

Take stock of your life as it is now - My life, personally, has improved 200% since DDay. It made me re-evaluate more than just my marriage. I took stock of family, friendships, money & etc. I am now the #1 priority in my life and I love it! I think that is what is motivating me with this issue. I do not want to waste one more day of my life with someone who is detrimental to my happiness.


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## lionsguy22 (Dec 2, 2012)

No shes being straight forward with you, allow me to translate.

"I feel guilty about cheating on you, but I am not sure I am going to stop. I care about you, but I still sort of want to see other men. But I am willing to work on it,but I am not sure I can change."


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

> *I do not want to waste one more day of my life with someone who detrimental to my happiness. *


That statement is so powerful.

Why don't you tell her just that!

Listen to her answer, watch her reaction.

Her response will give you your answer.

Good Luck.

HM64


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

She's not forthcoming about what it is she wants. She plays on how about she is confused, unworthy and yet a victim. This sounds like manipulation to me, but yes she has feelings for you. But what kind of feelings?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

lionsguy22 said:


> No shes being straight forward with you, allow me to translate.
> 
> "*I feel guilty about cheating on you, but I am not sure I am going to stop. I care about you, but I still sort of want to see other men. But I am willing to work on it,but I am not sure I can change."*


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Difficult to evaluate without some examples of how she has slipped. Has she slipped in the sense that she is ogling men or slipped as in she is not paying enough attention around the house? Which one is it?

It could very well be that she is just lazy and still sincere. Difficult to say.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Be specificin what you are afraid of. Does she love you? Are you confusing her? Have yo made a list of what you need? What are you measuring her by?

Did the two of you go over the wayward spouse instructions? They seem to work well when applied.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

lionsguy22 said:


> No shes being straight forward with you, allow me to translate.
> 
> "I feel guilty about cheating on you, but I am not sure I am going to stop. I care about you, but I still sort of want to see other men. But I am willing to work on it,but I am not sure I can change."


This was my exact interpretation. She seems confused. She wants to be a better person for you, but isn't sure she can help her self stay away from "bad behavior", whatever that is. 

It wa a weird email without a lot of substance. This woman needs some IC.


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## changednow (Dec 2, 2012)

I think your leaving something out. Can't tell what is going on. How is she slipping? Why did you feel the need to respond to her statement about stability? Why tick off all of her faults? It sounds like YOU have not really decided to reconcile. 
In order to reconcile you have to also seek to forgive her, not really for her, but for you. I know this personally because I struggle with it myself. If she is cheating still, and you know this, then let her go. If her slippages are petty things like not picking up the house or washing the dishes, you need to ask yourself if you are just looking for her to screw up so you can end it. In that case, end it. Your heart is not in it.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> It just seems like she is not crossing her "Ts" and dotting her "Is". It's seems like she is willing to go 98.9% of the way there. Like she might be leaving a door open perhaps? She is not sensitive or reflective of her gaffs. She doesn't seem to perceive them in reference to her past mistakes.


Can you be more specific please?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You're in the hardest part of R - the long term change.

Your wife did the immediate concrete things you asked for as her punishment for cheating. She saw doing those as the price she paid for her crime.

Now that your past the immediate to-do's she's wondering about the long term and her ability to stick with it all.

This says to me that you and SHE haven't yet dealt with the part inside of her that let he choose to cheat in the first place. It sounds like to you dealt with the external enablers like GNOs, toxic friends etc - which created the opportunity to cheat. But what about the inside part that allowed her to choose to cheat without guilt?

Her text was a pure pitty party, but I think it also reveals that she herself is feeling like she hasn't been fixed inside - she hasn't cut out of herself the horrible part that let her make those choices.

Let me ask - has she exposed and acknowledged her cheating to friends/family? Has she taken ownership of it?

has she gone to IC at all? Stopping cheating isn't just about stopping having sex with the AP. It's about cutting out of yourself that nasty part that saw cheating as a valid choosable choice.

Has she worked to make you her #1 priority for the rest of your married days? Meaning, is she putting her passion and focus into the relationship or is she simply living inside the relationship.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Sex Addiction Treatment


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Do you have anything worth to salvage ?

Went through your threads. She hit all the bad spots of an affair..(Serial cheating, badmouthing you to AP, doing stuff with him that she would deny you etc)


Maybe she won't cheat on you but I don't think she has enough emotional intelligence or capability to help you deal with it for the rest of your life. Maybe this was bearable when you were ignorant about her repeated infidelities. Now might be hard. You got her best shot at it in the first few months. Now she reverted back to her original self.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Thank you all for your feedback and opinions. I am always impressed with the valuable insights the members here can give.

As I put in my original comments, during a normal conversation with my wife my last week she described our marriage in a way that was clearly and factually wrong. It was like her mind was slipping into a per-DDay view of our relationship. She was talking to me but it was like she was talking out loud to herself and trying to convince herself that the past was NOT that bad for us.

I then looked closely at her reconciliation commitments and began to realize she had begun to slip on some items there too. Things like; keeping her side of the bedroom clean, keeping her bathroom clean and not being lazy. When I pointed these things out she admitted she had become a bit lazy recently.

I asked her to go to the hotel because she was admitting to being lazy about her reconciliation commitments and she was returning to the "Fog" in her view of our past. She acknowledged, in our reconciliation, that she needed to do "heavy lifting" to help save our marriage. Not fantasy thinking and slacking.

Well, we met on Sunday to discuss where we were at and what was going on. She admitted that, in addition to the things I raised the other night, there was another issue. Just the day before my intuition went off, she had started up another "Flirty" relationship at work! She told him she was married and would not cheat, text, IM or talk on the phone with him but was willing to just chat from time to time. She said the attention made her feel good. She of course apologized profusely and said she was committed to making our marriage work. She informed him there would be no further contact.

What the hell?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

cj9947 said:


> Thank you all for your feedback and opinions. I am always impressed with the valuable insights the members here can give.
> 
> As I put in my original comments, during a normal conversation with my wife my last week she described our marriage in a way that was clearly and factually wrong. It was like her mind was slipping into a per-DDay view of our relationship. She was talking to me but it was like she was talking out loud to herself and trying to convince herself that the past was NOT that bad for us.
> 
> ...


Time to walk comes to mind..Sorry


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I agree with Jonesey. Time to walk away. After all you have both been through she goes and starts up another bad relationship ? Not good. She has issues and you need to go your own way.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

She just doesn't get it.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Malaise said:


> She just doesn't get it.


I think you hit the nail on the head. I have all the divorce documents ready so after the 1st of the year it will be time to put this marriage to rest. It is time to start my new life.

What a long strange trip it has been...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Let her know that. Now. So she has time to think about it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

cj9947 said:


> I think you hit the nail on the head. I have all the divorce documents ready so after the 1st of the year it will be time to put this marriage to rest. It is time to start my new life.
> 
> What a long strange trip it has been...


Reconcilliation is a rocky road................so is divorce. Everyone screws up at times, BS and WS. Don't let boundary crossing get out of hand. If something is wrong bring it up. Communicate. Thats how things go wrong in the first place. Don't wait until you have list, just let her know when you see something out of line. Slipping leads to more slipping.

Here is something that might help you. Sorry if you have already seen it.

* 

Quote:
Originally Posted by marduk 
I happened to be thinking today about the past year of my marriage. Everyone on these forums were so instrumental in my being in the great place I am today I thought I would post a note about where I was, where I am, and what I’ve learned.

A year ago my marriage was a mess. After 3 kids my stay at home wife spontaneously decided to start going out with her girlfriends again, including a “girls trip” to Vegas. She started a crazy fitness routine, including marathon running and triathalons. She started leaving me at home with the kids 2-3 evenings a week. A rough summer. I was insecure, controlling, alone, and afraid.

Thanks in part to the folks on this forum, life is much better now. My wife only goes out with her friends maybe once a month, and the last time she did, she came home early, threw her arms around me, and told me she’s so happy she gets to come home to me. She goes to the gym maybe once or twice a week for an hour or so in the early evening. When she does leave on races out of town the whole family will go on a camping trip together so we can be there for her at the finish line. The stress level in the house is much lower, and our happiness and respect for each other is much higher. Are things perfect? No – we still fight, have conflict, and disagree. But they’re shorter-lived, not has hostile, and just plain don’t seem to hurt so much. What’s changed? Me. Here’s what I learned:

1. Let her go. You can fight, hold her back, be controlling… and you’ll just look petty, insecure, and weak. Be cool, act secure, give her a kiss and say “have fun.” If she’s going to cheat or leave, she’s going to cheat or leave. It’s better if it happens sooner rather than later in my book. A marriage is a choice, a decision that’s made one day at a time. You’re in or out. This was really, really hard. But I've learned that nothing lasts forever, life is change. We can grow together or apart. I can't force her to decide to want to be with me.

2. Set boundaries, and then stick to them. I found in my marriage that it wasn’t ok to say “I don’t want you to do that” but it was ok to say “would you be ok with me doing that?” And then hold her to it. 9 times out of 10 the behaviour would go away on its own if I stuck to it. For example: if it was ok for her to be gone 2-3 nights a week so would I. After a couple of weeks she was dying to sit on the couch and watch a movie after we spent the evening with the kids together. Conversely, if it's within your boundaries, be cool with it. I started to let her off the hook for minor annoyances a lot more which cooled the stress levels.

3. Be ok with losing her. Seriously. After one of our last bad fights before things got better, I reconciled myself to thinking this might be it. The end of our marriage and little family. I thought out how things would be living on my own, sharing custody of the kids, etc. And as tough as it would be, made peace with it. It wouldn’t kill me, it wouldn’t kill my kids. Very negative experience and one I’d like to avoid at all costs, but we would survive. This changed my attitude and clinginess significantly… and to be blunt scared the hell out of my wife. Just last month she told me “I think you’d be more ok without me than I’d be without you.” And for our marriage, that balance of neediness works. I think it’s an alpha male thing, not sure but it seems to work.

4. Do my own thing. I’m out at least once or twice a week doing martial arts, yoga, weights, cross-fit, trail running, hanging with buddies… you name it. Gives me perspective and gives my wife time to miss me. And I’m in kick ass shape compared to last year, and now instead of me worrying about my wife getting hit on I’m having to deal with having her be upset because other women check me out when we go out. I’m going on a weekend martial arts training camp… and my wife couldn’t say a word after going to Vegas last year. Another thing: I make sure I either do something fun with the kids when she goes out (she’ll have to decide if it’s more important to miss out on family fun or friend fun) or I have fun while she’s out. Even something stupid like a scotch and cigar in the back yard when the kids go to bed so I can kick back and listen to the complete lack of complaining about the cigar stink. Ahh…

5. Be a father to our children. Not just “quality” time but real time. Conversations, walks in the park, helping with homework, taking them to soccer, etc. all seemed to help big time. Not just with my wife, but with all of us. And I also found my “father voice,” the voice of discipline and reason in the family. My kids listen to me a lot more, not in fear, but they know they have to listen. Now my wife comes to me when the kids don’t listen to her, not the other way around.

6. Get some buddies. Guys need close guy friends to do guy stuff. Complain about their wives. Be stupid and macho. Whatever that means to you, it worked wonders for me.

7. Fight different. Walk away rather than blow up. Mean what you say and stand up to it. For example, if I threaten that if she keeps doing x that means I'll do y, then I bloody well do y if she does x. This had two effects: I thought about what I said more, and so did my wife. I think my wife has a need to be able to hold me at my word, even if that’s a bad thing. Not sure why. Using few words in a fight, slowly and quietly while looking her directly in the eye seems to also work. Once it’s said, don’t repeat it. It is what it is.

8. Act from a place of strength. I don’t think my wife wants a weakling. She may say that she’ll want me to be more intimate, vulnerable, etc… I think that’s actually BS. Or at least that she doesn’t mean weak or actually vulnerable. If you have flaws or weaknesses either accept it and move on or fix it. I don’t let my wife try to fix my flaws any more. If she brings something up and tries to fix it I’ll ask her to mind her own business (gently). Not a behaviour that impacts her, those I’ll always try to listen to her on. But I don't let her judge me or try to live up to her expectations any more. I define myself, I don't let her do that for me.

9. Be decisive. Again I think this is an alpha male thing. Make plans. I planned a few date nights, and didn’t ask what she wanted to do. Instead I planned stuff I thought might be fun for us, and asked if she was having a good time. She was, especially if it was stuff she didn’t normally like to do (one time we went to a tattoo expo – I have one small tattoo and she has none – but got us out of our element and we had a blast!) Now if she asks me “what do you want to do” I answer with what I want. Works in bed too – I just made sure she felt comfortable in saying “no.” Don’t bully, be decisive and adaptable.

10. Know what I want from life. This is hard in today’s world. I had to pull my head out of my ass and figure out that I don’t want to sit on the couch every night and watch TV. So now I don’t. At least not every night.

11. Do more macho stuff. Fix something around the house. Dig a big hole in the back yard and plant a tree. Fixing her car, for example, seemed to turn a light bulb on in my wife’s head that reminded me that I’m a man and not one of her girlfriends.

So that’s my list. Hope it helps some of the guys out there. Your mileage may vary, and my marriage may still fail, but I’m in a much better spot in the past year than I have been in a long, long time.

Thanks for everything! *

By the way, be honest with her that she is not doing enough to keep you and you won't have regrets later.

Good luck and prayers for your family


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Reconcilliation is a rocky road................so is divorce. Everyone screws up at times, BS and WS. Don't let boundary crossing get out of hand. If something is wrong bring it up. Communicate. Thats how things go wrong in the first place. Don't wait until you have list, just let her know when you see something out of line. Slipping leads to more slipping.
> 
> Here is something that might help you. Sorry if you have already seen it.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the info. I will do what you suggest tonight.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

cj9947 said:


> Thank you all for your feedback and opinions. I am always impressed with the valuable insights the members here can give.
> 
> As I put in my original comments, during a normal conversation with my wife my last week she described our marriage in a way that was clearly and factually wrong. It was like her mind was slipping into a per-DDay view of our relationship. She was talking to me but it was like she was talking out loud to herself and trying to convince herself that the past was NOT that bad for us.
> 
> ...



Lather, Rinse, Repeat. So all the predictions in your first thread turned out to be true. She is a serial cheater and they probably won't change at this age.



> She told him she was married and would not cheat,


So, how do you start discussing stuff like that with someone ? How did she let the discussion reach such a stage, especially one year after the D-day ? 

And she was at a hotel these few days !!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> So, how do you start discussing stuff like that with someone ? How did she let the discussion reach such a stage, especially one year after the D-day ?


Exactly, many many boundaires were crossed before that conversation could happen. 
She has to learn about healthy boundaires, the slipery slope... has she ever read Not Just friends?


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Sorry for what you're going through. Your wife is too focused on HER pain, not yours. She is still acting too selfishly for reconciliation to work. Know too well what you are going through - it sucks but it takes two people for reconciliation to work.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> I am seeking your opinion as to whether my WW has been sincere in our reconciliation or am I being fooled again. After being cheated on by her I am no longer 100% trusting of my own perception of her.
> 
> The reconciliation appeared to have been going great over the past six months, in particular, with a little hiccup here and there. I knew it would take time and I could not expect perfection but continuous improvement.
> 
> ...


I don't know whether or not she's playing you in the long haul. 

I can say though she does not sound sufficiently remorseful. 

It sounds as if it's all about her.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Divorce and let her win you back?


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> Thank you for the info. I will do what you suggest tonight.


I am not sure that allowing a strayer to go out with the boys or girls alone is a good thing. 

Many strayers will treat their spouse better when they are having a covert affair. They will come home and have sex with their spouse or tell the faithful spouse how much they love them. These types are the worst types. They either mean it and feel no guilt, or they are being nice to throw the faithful spouse of the scent of the betryal.

I would totally understand if my wife needed to check up on me for the rest of her life, if she had not filed. It would be the right thing for her to do, too. 

It is justifiable to be paranoid about someone who strayed and to restrict their free time. 

Some of the best marriages I've seen too are the ones in which the wives and husbands never go out alone. Or even have too many outside extracurricular activities. These types of freedoms are breeding grounds for affair opportunities. 

I took too much time away from my wife, and it opened me up to other women. With too much alone time on my hands, it was simply a matter of easy opportunity.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

sorry to be so blunt, but you'd be STUPID to stay another minute with this woman.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

cledus_snow said:


> sorry to be so blunt, but you'd be STUPID to stay another *second* with this woman.


Corrected.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

^yep.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Acabado said:


> Exactly, many many boundaires were crossed before that conversation could happen.
> She has to learn about healthy boundaires, the slipery slope... has she ever read Not Just friends?


Yes, in fact I did have her read "Not Just Friends" about a year ago.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

cledus_snow said:


> sorry to be so blunt, but you'd be STUPID to stay another minute with this woman.


No need to apologize. As of today, I plan to serve her with the divorce papers on 01/02/13.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> No need to apologize. As of today, I plan to serve her with the divorce papers on 01/02/13.


Why wait another month?


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Further insights from WW, this new potential EA partner is a coworker she met from a different office in early 2011. She only met him briefly at that time and found him very attractive.

He recently was transferred to her office in late October of this year. Her old ways of improper attraction kicked in. The "Fog" rolled right back into her head. She went right down the rabbit hole with her thinking. She told me that, over the past two weeks, she thought about him everyday and made him a priority over our marriage. She even said at one point that he brought her more happiness than our marriage. 

I did not say a word in response. I was actually fascinated by this alien being in front of me. Went to bed and the next morning she said she realized how idiodic she sounded the night before and would be going to immediate counseling. I replied, "You go girl."

She agreed to a peaceful resolution to our marriage.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

keko said:


> Why wait another month?


I have family coming to stay with us for the holidays and do not wish to sadden them at this time of year. Only one family member has an idea of our situation.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> Further insights from WW, this new potential EA partner is a coworker she met from a different office in early 2011. She only met him briefly at that time and found him very attractive.
> 
> He recently was transferred to her office in late October of this year. Her old ways of improper attraction kicked in. The "Fog" rolled right back into her head. She went right down the rabbit hole with her thinking. She told me that, over the past two weeks, she thought about him everyday and made him a priority over our marriage. She even said at one point that he brought her more happiness than our marriage.
> 
> ...


I don't say this to be cruel, but she is broken.

I hope she gets the help she needs. And I have pity for whatever man is her next H or SO if she doesn't get it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Was going to the hotel her idea?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

cj9947 said:


> I have family coming to stay with us for the holidays and do not wish to sadden them at this time of year. Only one family member has an idea of our situation.


If that's what you gotta do, man...then that's what you gotta do. Just make sure that the boundaries are clear. The marriage is over.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

01/02/13

Sorry but the American version of dates confuses me.

Is this the 2nd Of January or the 1st of February?

Any updates cj?


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Wow! This is awesome.
This is EXACTLY what I need the hear!



chapparal said:


> *
> 
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by marduk
> ...


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

cj any updates?


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## karma45 (Jan 29, 2013)

I could be wrong but I believe she is asking for help. She wants to be the good person for you but she doesnt trust herself to behave in a way that she should.

Can you go get some professional help?


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

karma45 said:


> I could be wrong but I believe she is asking for help. She wants to be the good person for you but she doesnt trust herself to behave in a way that she should.
> 
> Can you go get some professional help?


She got into a new EA and again told him that this new attraction felt better than the marriage combined. So no.


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## not.a.fool (Jan 27, 2013)

sounds like a little mental help wouldn't hurt any


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## karma45 (Jan 29, 2013)

Shadow_Nirvana said:


> She got into a new EA and again told him that this new attraction felt better than the marriage combined. So no.


Oh gosh, then no - Run away as fast as you can... its false.
With this info on top of what I read, I would say she is playing him and trying to sugar coat everything to make her seem remorseful and good.

She sounds like my husbands OW.


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## Cobre (Feb 24, 2013)

has anybody heard from him...? i hope he is doing ok


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