# Physical separation - long distance intimacy



## longfromhome (Jun 27, 2014)

Moved cross country six months ago to run a small business with the help of my father in law. This opportunity required me to move alone to the west coast, which after discussing with my wife of 25 years and children, agreed it was worth taking a shot. Over the past 3 or 4 years, my career suffered from frequent downsizing and layoffs which made this opportunity seem appealing. I drove cross country on January first with the hopes of starting something new and ultimately bringing our family out west once I got the business profitable. I am still in the process of getting the business established and 6 months now away from my wife and kids. I knew it would be difficult on a lot of levels, but I didn't expect to miss my wife as much as I do - especially from a intimacy and sexual stand point. We talk frequently from day to day. I try and stay connected to her world of balancing her job, kids, and house and she tries to stay involved with my daily business stresses - and there have been a few - after all, its her father who owns the majority of the business and property. Recently our conversations have become strained. Me, struggling to stay connected to her world and she with mine. Truth is, I am down right lonely without her. Her father spends summers out of state and I am occupying space in his home while he is gone - so I am completely alone, with no connections or friends in a very beautiful but foreign place. Some days are better than others. I stay very busy with the store, but I also have a lot of time on my own - and this is ripping me apart emotionally. I have had some pretty candid conversations and text messages with my wife emotionally supporting each other, but I seem to need more affirmation that she misses me physically. We have always been a couple who regenerates and refreshes our relationship through sexual intimacy and now that we can't do that, I am really struggling. She seems to better deal with it because her pace at home is so hectic. She falls into bed more nights. I, on the other hand, feel sexually frustrated and trapped by our situation. I recently sent her some playful sexual photos to spark interest with the hopes she would reciprocate or at least get the message that I need a little assurance that she still longs for me the way I long for her. I even engaged her in conversation about "taking care of her self" while we are apart, something I do to keep sanity. She just seems to say "ok honey" and nothing happens. This is turning out to be a more difficult journey than I ever imagined.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Why can't she and kids come stay with you for the summer?


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## Spacecase (May 23, 2014)

My husband is in the Army, and often is gone for months, or even a year at a time. I know what you mean about needing that intimacy. If the photo's you sent her didn't do it, you need to tell her your needs, and you miss her in ALL ways, and are very lonely. If you don't tell her these things, how will she know? I know you are wanting to light a fire in a somewhat subtle way, but if she's not getting it, just come right out and talk to her about it. If you've been married that long, you should be able to communicate about these things.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

yeah its rough. My wife travels a lot. At one time it was 5 days a week, and I got stuck with the kids too.

I guess it did not bother me that much because...I was so darned busy all the time! Had a management job, rushed to pick up the kids from the afterschool program, make supper, play with them and homework, put them to bed, then tv and pass out. Not too much time to worry about that stuff. Then the weekends, it was sex city.

It might be that you have not too much to do outside of work. Join a gym. After work...go work out there. Really move some iron, you know the "I pick things up and put them down". Then eat healthy for supper.

Maybe a local university has night courses you can take to better your education or broaden your outlook.

Maybe weekends you can donate your time to a worthy cause, like habitat for humanity

Maybe get involved in religion locally

Also take full advantage of todays technology. Video Skype, kik, or facetime your wife...don't just call her every night. 

Can she take extended trips to visit you? That would help too.


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