# Idk what's going on.



## Krazyguy

So long story short, my ex and I have been divorced since March. She had a boyfriend that cheated on her. I've always been there for her even still. She was very mean to me while they were together. Don't get me wrong I've dated and I've had my fair share of jerk moments a lot more than her. She's finding it hard not to still talk to him but blocked him this week on everything. It's coming up on a year since she left. For the past 3 weeks we have been hanging out a lot and I mean her staying the night and all that. She told one of her friends that she wants things to happen slow. Then one night we were hanging out and she went through my phone.... Well all she saw was pics of me her and our girls. She told her friend it was at that point she realized I was the only guy that would love her the way I do and I truly do miss her. Most guys would only keep naked or sexy pics. She told her through all the crap she has given me I kept everything we sent each other, it made her cry, because she never thought we would be where we are today. We went on a date this past Monday and had a blast. We are supposed to spend the weekend out of town with me her and the kids. She invited me. I guess I'm looking for advice on how to keep this going and how to tell if this is her wanting me back but being unsure if it. I mean she has started talking and txting me a lot and every time I offer to hang out she comes.


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## Ralph Bellamy

How do you keep it going? Don't. Cheaters very rarely change and you and your kids will be the collateral damage of her fickleness.


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## WorkingOnMe

Krazy guy indeed.


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## jld

Taking it slow is good. Be honest and open with her.

Did her friend tell you she said all that, or did she?


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## Acoa

Krazyguy said:


> I guess I'm looking for advice on how to keep this going and how to tell if this is her wanting me back but being unsure if it. I mean she has started talking and txting me a lot and every time I offer to hang out she comes.


Why did you guys divorce? 

Without knowing your backstory all I can say is you probably shouldn't get back together with her. It doesn't matter if she sends signals that she wants to or not. You guys divorced already. 

She sounds codependent. She needs someone in her life, you first, then this boyfriend, now back to you. It's only a matter of time till she finds another. (This is me jumping to conclusions based on limited information, but, it's what I see from the limited information provided).


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## GuyInColorado

Sounds like you think she's got a gold vagina and you won't find a better one. Do you have confidence issues?


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## Krazyguy

GuyInColorado said:


> Sounds like you think she's got a gold vagina and you won't find a better one. Do you have confidence issues?


Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.


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## Krazyguy

Ralph Bellamy said:


> How do you keep it going? Don't. Cheaters very rarely change and you and your kids will be the collateral damage of her fickleness.


There was no cheating. She found this guy well after we decided to divorce. Well it was her decision.


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## Krazyguy

jld said:


> Taking it slow is good. Be honest and open with her.
> 
> Did her friend tell you she said all that, or did she?


Her friend sent me screen shots of there convo. Then she found out and wasn't mad at all. We even talked about it. She has been staying over a lot.


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## Krazyguy

Acoa said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> I guess I'm looking for advice on how to keep this going and how to tell if this is her wanting me back but being unsure if it. I mean she has started talking and txting me a lot and every time I offer to hang out she comes.
> 
> 
> 
> Why did you guys divorce?
> 
> Without knowing your backstory all I can say is you probably shouldn't get back together with her. It doesn't matter if she sends signals that she wants to or not. You guys divorced already.
> 
> She sounds codependent. She needs someone in her life, you first, then this boyfriend, now back to you. It's only a matter of time till she finds another. (This is me jumping to conclusions based on limited information, but, it's what I see from the limited information provided).
Click to expand...

We divorced because I put my wants and needs also my job. Before her and the girls. I was a straight up jerk all the time. Of course we are both at fault she wasn't perfect either. We discussed all this recently. I would chose to go to work over doing family activities together, and when I was home I wanted to be left alone. All things I learned were wrong now and she sees a change in me.


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## jb02157

I think you're trusting her way too much. Once she has an issue with you on something small, everything you're seeing now will go away. This won't last long, next week sometime she'll tell you to hit the street.


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## sokillme

Do some reading about codependency.


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## Krazyguy

jb02157 said:


> I think you're trusting her way too much. Once she has an issue with you on something small, everything you're seeing now will go away. This won't last long, next week sometime she'll tell you to hit the street.


 Yes I do have my fear of this. We have had little flings through out but this one has lasted along time. Longer than normal I guess.


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## Krazyguy

sokillme said:


> Do some reading about codependency.


 Yes I know she has that issue. She has been taken care of her whole life. She hasn't been out on her own yet. Still lives with her mom. Her ex though was broke and she had to pay for everything. So she did have a guy she had to take care of. Smh lol


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## ButtPunch

Well I'd wait a good ten years before I remarried her.


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## Krazyguy

ButtPunch said:


> Well I'd wait a good ten years before I remarried her.


Lol yeah it would have to be a for sure thing. Idk I just haven't seen this kinda attention from her in years.


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## sokillme

Krazyguy said:


> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.


Come now confidence doesn't come from having girls around, or interested in you. The fact that you even say that shows you don't get it.


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## sokillme

Krazyguy said:


> Yes I know she has that issue. She has been taken care of her whole life. She hasn't been out on her own yet. Still lives with her mom. Her ex though was broke and she had to pay for everything. So she did have a guy she had to take care of. Smh lol


I was talking about you dude. It takes 2 to be codependent.


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## farsidejunky

Krazyguy said:


> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.


40 lbs of muscle?

Call me skeptical...


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## Krazyguy

sokillme said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.
> 
> 
> 
> Come now confidence doesn't come from having girls around, or interested in you. The fact that you even say that shows you don't get it.
Click to expand...

Then feel me in confidence that I can keep someone happy? If that's the question then no I fear that


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## Krazyguy

sokillme said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yes I know she has that issue. She has been taken care of her whole life. She hasn't been out on her own yet. Still lives with her mom. Her ex though was broke and she had to pay for everything. So she did have a guy she had to take care of. Smh lol
> 
> 
> 
> I was talking about you dude. It takes 2 to be codependent.
Click to expand...

 I understand that I've had her for 10 years but I've been independent on my own for 8 months and I was good until she stepped back in my life after I told her, I will never make you happy a second time if I couldn't the first. Then she started blowing me up.


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## Yeswecan

Krazyguy said:


> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.


Don't need muscle to attract girls/women.

Anyway, perhaps your x does realize you do care. Or she has found out the dating just is not what it used to be. Or, it is not her cup of tea. Whatever the case, you appear to be a willing participant for the moment. Keep it light.


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## Krazyguy

farsidejunky said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.
> 
> 
> 
> 40 lbs of muscle?
> 
> Call me skeptical...
Click to expand...

 Well believe me I went from 167 when she left and I'm at 210 now and I lived in the gym while I was going trough this. 6 to 7 days a week.


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## Krazyguy

Yeswecan said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.
> 
> 
> 
> Don't need muscle to attract girls/women.
> 
> Anyway, perhaps your x does realize you do care. Or she has found out the dating just is not what it used to be. Or, it is not her cup of tea. Whatever the case, you appear to be a willing participant for the moment. Keep it light.
Click to expand...

No I understand muscles don't make a man. She just always talks about it now that she sees me more often. I am willing. I never stopped thinking about her even when I was talking to another girl. I'd do anything to get my wife and my family back.


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## Yeswecan

Krazyguy said:


> I understand that I've had her for 10 years but I've been independent on my own for 8 months and I was good until she stepped back in my life after I told her*, I will never make you happy a second time if I couldn't the first. *Then she started blowing me up.


Well, that may not be true. You stated that your where all about yourself and the job. You can change that and provide what she said was missing or lacking in the relationship. I have been there. My priority changed....and for better.


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## Yeswecan

Krazyguy said:


> No I understand muscles don't make a man. She just always talks about it now that she sees me more often. I am willing. I never stopped thinking about her even when I was talking to another girl. I'd do anything to get my wife and my family back.


Well sir, what was it that separated you two? Fix that and move forward. 

An old dog can learn new tricks. For years I treated my wife like another mouth to feed. A room mate. Not much more. Not until 18 years did I finally get what she wanted. Not muscle, cash, cars or houses. She wanted me. That other stuff was secondary. I fixed that. We are more very happily married now.


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## Krazyguy

Yeswecan said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> I understand that I've had her for 10 years but I've been independent on my own for 8 months and I was good until she stepped back in my life after I told her*, I will never make you happy a second time if I couldn't the first. *Then she started blowing me up.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, that may not be true. You stated that your where all about yourself and the job. You can change that and provide what she said was missing or lacking in the relationship. I have been there. My priority changed....and for better.
Click to expand...

 I have changed that I realize over time and money isn't the thing that will make me happy it's my family. We actually do a lot of stuff together with our girls rant we would have never done before.


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## Krazyguy

Yeswecan said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> No I understand muscles don't make a man. She just always talks about it now that she sees me more often. I am willing. I never stopped thinking about her even when I was talking to another girl. I'd do anything to get my wife and my family back.
> 
> 
> 
> Well sir, what was it that separated you two? Fix that and move forward.
> 
> An old dog can learn new tricks. For years I treated my wife like another mouth to feed. A room mate. Not much more. Not until 18 years did I finally get what she wanted. Not muscle, cash, cars or houses. She wanted me. That other stuff was secondary. I fixed that. We are more very happily married now.
Click to expand...

That's what I'm trying to prove to her now. That that's what I want too. Her and the kids first and everything else second. All she has said since she left was that she wanted to be my first place and not second to anything else.


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## Ralph Bellamy

Krazyguy said:


> There was no cheating. She found this guy well after we decided to divorce. Well it was her decision.


Either way, you're plan B.


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## bandit.45

Take it very slowly and cautiously. The big reasons you broke up you both remember. It is the other 10,000 little piddly things that you forget about...until they come around again and cause the same heartaches. 

Take it slow. Go to couples counseling. You may be able to co-habitate again, but don't get remarried. You have both proven to each other you cannot handle marriage.


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## bandit.45

Ralph Bellamy said:


> Either way, you're plan B.


She was and is her own plan A. 

EVERYONE else, including OP, is plan B, and always will be.


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## Krazyguy

Ralph Bellamy said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> There was no cheating. She found this guy well after we decided to divorce. Well it was her decision.
> 
> 
> 
> Either way, you're plan B.
Click to expand...

No you are right. She even said I'm the only guy that can make her not want to be with that guy even though he cheated on her. Smh idk why


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## Krazyguy

bandit.45 said:


> Take it very slowly and cautiously. The big reasons you broke up you both remember. It is the other 10,000 little piddly things that you forget about...until they come around again and cause the same heartaches.
> 
> Take it slow. Go to couples counseling. You may be able to co-habitate again, but don't get remarried. You have both proven to each other you cannot handle marriage.


I agree. We were very much in love we have pictures and memories we still talk about today. I didn't know what it meant to be a true husband and father then but I've learned a lot.


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## Krazyguy

bandit.45 said:


> Ralph Bellamy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Either way, you're plan B.
> 
> 
> 
> She was and is her own plan A.
> 
> EVERYONE else, including OP, is plan B, and always will be.
Click to expand...

 She has been really selfish in all this but I see things are changing in her when we are around each other.


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## TheTruthHurts

Don't know enough about your age, history, kids ages, etc to provide context.

A lot of people on TAM recommend serving divorce papers when a relationship is too far gone (infidelity in particular). The idea is you sometimes have to risk losing your marriage to save it.

It sounds like your EXW did exactly that, and you are responding the way TAM posters hope if there is a chance to fix the marriage.

So we rarely get posts from your side of the equation. But if we did we would be skeptical of your changes and be supportive of your EXW.

Are your changes real? How can you prove this? Can you be trusted not to revert back to your d0uchbaggery? You'll have to answer those questions - and the REAL reasons you value her above all others - if you want a chance


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45

Krazyguy said:


> She has been really selfish in all this but I see things are changing in her when we are around each other.


You are both selfish. That is why you should never remarry. Live together, but never remarry.


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## Krazyguy

TheTruthHurts said:


> Don't know enough about your age, history, kids ages, etc to provide context.
> 
> A lot of people on TAM recommend serving divorce papers when a relationship is too far gone (infidelity in particular). The idea is you sometimes have to risk losing your marriage to save it.
> 
> It sounds like your EXW did exactly that, and you are responding the way TAM posters hope if there is a chance to fix the marriage.
> 
> So we rarely get posts from your side of the equation. But if we did we would be skeptical of your changes and be supportive of your EXW.
> 
> Are your changes real? How can you prove this? Can you be trusted not to revert back to your d0uchbaggery? You'll have to answer those questions - and the REAL reasons you value her above all others - if you want a chance
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 I get that and I was a lack luster husband. I'm 30 she is 28 we met when she was 17. We have two girls 8 and 5. We had a lot of problems towards the end putting both of our needs before the other person. I think my changes are for real. Since all I'm way closer to my kiddos and she sees that I take them everywhere with me. They are my two best friends. I see what I was missing and what I had and I want it back. I miss the family life.


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## Krazyguy

bandit.45 said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> She has been really selfish in all this but I see things are changing in her when we are around each other.
> 
> 
> 
> You are both selfish. That is why you should never remarry. Live together, but never remarry.
Click to expand...

 Why never remarry. The type of relationship we had before I got my crazy hectic job was inlike any other. We built a home together. It was ours. We were very poor when I got my new job we bought bigger and bills got out of control. I feel we both needed this to see what the other was worth.


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## TheTruthHurts

You both have maturing to do. I echo the recommendation for couples counseling and you may have to see several to find a good one. I suspect you both have done bad habits and unrealistic expectations and views that an independent person could help identify so you can work through them


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Krazyguy

TheTruthHurts said:


> You both have maturing to do. I echo the recommendation for couples counseling and you may have to see several to find a good one. I suspect you both have done bad habits and unrealistic expectations and views that an independent person could help identify so you can work through them
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yeah I agree. We both have unreal expectations in a partner. She wants a highschool romance and I want the fairytale wife that cooks and cleans. I did all of the house work before cook clean laundry. I think we both realize now that stuff isn't important as long as you love each other and put each other before yourself.


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## Krazyguy

So..... I went through her phone last night and found proof she cheated on me. I then work her up and she confessed to everything. This morning we talked and she wants a clean slate. Says that's the reason she didn't want to work things out before. To much guilt. Idk what to do?


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## NoChoice

OP,
You seem, from what you have posted, to be maturing. You are beginning to see the importance of family. I am not sure she truly is. She sounds very spoiled and immature. I would also recommend that you move forward very slowly. It is important to remember that words have no meaning without actions to back them up. Anyone can say anything but the proof is in the doing.

She may actually be experiencing growth but I would want proof before committing to her again so, again, take it slow and look for signs of her words becoming reality or of them just being words and then act accordingly. I understand your desire to reunite your family but if you rush forward too quickly you may be repeating this all over again in the not to distant future.


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## TriHouse

Krazyguy said:


> Yes I know she has that issue. She has been taken care of her whole life. She hasn't been out on her own yet. Still lives with her mom. Her ex though was broke and she had to pay for everything. So she did have a guy she had to take care of. Smh lol


You could just as easily be the one with co-dependency issues. If you're happy when she's happy, but you choose work over her or shut down when she's upset, you probably rely on her to make you happy. If that is true, you are likely to fall back into the same patterns she was ready to leave behind. And to be honest, if she ended the marriage, she at least recognizes her ability to control her own happiness. I think you'll need to serve yourself a big slice of humble pie before moving forward.


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## Krazyguy

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> You seem, from what you have posted, to be maturing. You are beginning to see the importance of family. I am not sure she truly is. She sounds very spoiled and immature. I would also recommend that you move forward very slowly. It is important to remember that words have no meaning without actions to back them up. Anyone can say anything but the proof is in the doing.
> 
> She may actually be experiencing growth but I would want proof before committing to her again so, again, take it slow and look for signs of her words becoming reality or of them just being words and then act accordingly. I understand your desire to reunite your family but if you rush forward too quickly you may be repeating this all over again in the not to distant future.


 I agree. I want nothing more than to have my family back. I think she is slowly maturing but I've been alone since she left and she never has. Hard to mature with someone taking care of you.


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## Krazyguy

TriHouse said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yes I know she has that issue. She has been taken care of her whole life. She hasn't been out on her own yet. Still lives with her mom. Her ex though was broke and she had to pay for everything. So she did have a guy she had to take care of. Smh lol
> 
> 
> 
> You could just as easily be the one with co-dependency issues. If you're happy when she's happy, but you choose work over her or shut down when she's upset, you probably rely on her to make you happy. If that is true, you are likely to fall back into the same patterns she was ready to leave behind. And to be honest, if she ended the marriage, she at least recognizes her ability to control her own happiness. I think you'll need to serve yourself a big slice of humble pie before moving forward.
Click to expand...

I learned a lot through this and it's that family is more important than anything else. She thought this would bring her happiness but it didn't. She looked at me after I found out last night and said scream at me something and I just couldn't. She said I deserved better than her but that's what she doesn't realize she is my want.


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## Spotthedeaddog

Nice that she's kept you on standby when the move-on guy was full on. Now you're the fall back plan it's not a deal breaker but you're going to have to big time man up, not be "nice guy" because what makes you think you've improved your standing since she first made you redundant with a more promising man. Remember that you're all ready well down in the "viable man" rankings just be being a doormat for her to use when it suits her.


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## Natthewife

I'm sorry but cheaters CAN change but alot comes down to the circumstances at the time. 

My husband was a cheater in a previous relationship but I can say whole heartedly he would never do this on me. 
What a cheater will always suffer from is paranoia. That never goes away. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Krazyguy

Natthewife said:


> I'm sorry but cheaters CAN change but alot comes down to the circumstances at the time.
> 
> My husband was a cheater in a previous relationship but I can say whole heartedly he would never do this on me.
> What a cheater will always suffer from is paranoia. That never goes away.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 What do you mean paranoia? Like she will always feel
Like she is doing something wrong? She was cheated on by a guy that "treated her better than me" she said it sucks and I looked at her dead and the face and said yes it does. She then told me I know. You shouldn't be with me because I'm a bad person and shouldn't be with anyone.


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## straightshooter

Krazy,

Maybe I missed something, but if I read it correctly initially in this thread you stated that you were DIVORCED when she started to have sex with this OM, and now you have discovered that she actually was cheating on you. If I got that wrong, I apologize.

That changes EVERYTHING. !!!! So she was cheating on you and actually agreed to divorce you to be with OM. He turns out to give her a dose of her own medicine, and only then she decides you are now the one for her. That is Plan B right out of the cheaters handbook and I do not care how much you are enjoying this new found closeness. You are being manipulated with sex.

You have continuously placed and accepted the blame here which might have made some sense if she had actually divorced you first. Then she would not have been cheating with this OM.

So now you have a ex wife who wants to reconcile because her new guy cheated. And what makes you so convinced that if he comes begging back that she will not cheat again. Please do not say you now believe everything or anything she says just because she is hanging out in your bed regularly.

I am NOT telling you to not consider continuing to see her. But if you do not want to greatly increase your chances of getting whacked again, you better put aside you blaming yourself and enter into any new relationship with your eyes wide olpen and trusting nothing that you cannot verify. 

Whatever your problems were ( work, hobbies etc) you both owned 50% of the marital probes. SHE OWNS THE INFIDELITY 100% and unless she convinces you of that you are just rugsweeping this .


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## LucasJackson

If the demise of the marriage was on you, and you think you've grown and won't repeat what you did last time, then go for it. Love her, honor her, and cherish her and the girls, and all should be well.

Every day when you get up ask yourself what is one thing you could do today that would make her happy. It can be small things but she'll notice.

Don't ever take them for granted again. I think you'll be ok.


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## SunCMars

Krazyguy said:


> Confidence issues no. I gained 40 lbs a muscle so lack of having other girls around is not the issue.


Forty pounds of muscle has no chance against two ounces of savvy, unsavory feminine guile.

She will twist your Little Head more Clockwise-Aft than a Hoot Owl that has a rear-facing imminent-demise fulmination.

No? She did it once, eh?

Play with fire, Vulcan. Go ahead!

I say do not re-merge with the Old Flame, lest she consummate the recent charbroil and finally consume you for the foolish moth that you are.

If you choose to jump off the cliff............never marry her. Keep your heart buried in a 32d Mason jar...in the back yard.


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## SunCMars

Natthewife said:


> I'm sorry but cheaters CAN change but alot comes down to the circumstances at the time.
> 
> My husband was a cheater in a previous relationship but I can say whole heartedly he would never do this on me.
> What a cheater will always suffer from is paranoia. That never goes away.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to........never say never. 

Though, character can be stone....sweet water can erode it. 

Given time, a small crack, with running water working that divide, will dissolve its resolve.

SunCMars


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## Emerging Buddhist

Knowing that she had an affair and left you while married for someone else, how do you truly know where her truth lies? Do you think she is manipulating the situation and if so, are you walking into another round with eyes wide open understanding everything that has happened with not just you but her also, or eyes completely shut willing for anything including she could cheat on you again just to try to have a chance for your family to be together?

I feel if you are willing to put the past aside and place all your chips in the center of the table, so should she.

Let her know that you are not willing to accept being lied to and cheated on again, and that putting your family first means that honesty and transparency in everything must come and if that fails, love will not survive it again. You cannot control the outcome, but without both of you trusting the process of rejoining life as a family together and the work involved, her chance of failing you again will happen.

To go into this without conditions and standards is madness, she has to know up front that if she waivers again in her loyalty to your relationship that you will end the only opportunity she has to make the past mistakes right and you will end it with the confidence you did your best moving on with your life as the best dad you can be for your girls and whatever comes to her simply comes. She must have no doubt that any future outcome cheating on you again will end very, very badly as your family will be forever broken up.

You do not need to remarry to build a good family home, what you do need is trust and respect, love and kindness, giving and commitment, dedication and loyalty... if you can maintain this again for a longer time than when she ran out on you with another man while you were married, then think about remarriage, by then your foundation will be sound.

If your heart tells you this is right and your mind tells you it is worth the risk, take the step... give your children a hug as you do, I hear in your words they are worth this effort.


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## Ralph Bellamy

If you value your self-respect, I would move on. How will you ever be able to trust her again?


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## Krazyguy

straightshooter said:


> Krazy,
> 
> Maybe I missed something, but if I read it correctly initially in this thread you stated that you were DIVORCED when she started to have sex with this OM, and now you have discovered that she actually was cheating on you. If I got that wrong, I apologize.
> 
> That changes EVERYTHING. !!!! So she was cheating on you and actually agreed to divorce you to be with OM. He turns out to give her a dose of her own medicine, and only then she decides you are now the one for her. That is Plan B right out of the cheaters handbook and I do not care how much you are enjoying this new found closeness. You are being manipulated with sex.
> 
> You have continuously placed and accepted the blame here which might have made some sense if she had actually divorced you first. Then she would not have been cheating with this OM.
> 
> So now you have a ex wife who wants to reconcile because her new guy cheated. And what makes you so convinced that if he comes begging back that she will not cheat again. Please do not say you now believe everything or anything she says just because she is hanging out in your bed regularly.
> 
> I am NOT telling you to not consider continuing to see her. But if you do not want to greatly increase your chances of getting whacked again, you better put aside you blaming yourself and enter into any new relationship with your eyes wide olpen and trusting nothing that you cannot verify.
> 
> Whatever your problems were ( work, hobbies etc) you both owned 50% of the marital probes. SHE OWNS THE INFIDELITY 100% and unless she convinces you of that you are just rugsweeping this .


 She cheated with a different guy and I know I told her it would take time to trust her again


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## Krazyguy

LucasJackson said:


> If the demise of the marriage was on you, and you think you've grown and won't repeat what you did last time, then go for it. Love her, honor her, and cherish her and the girls, and all should be well.
> 
> Every day when you get up ask yourself what is one thing you could do today that would make her happy. It can be small things but she'll notice.
> 
> Don't ever take them for granted again. I think you'll be ok.


 I'm not owning her cheating but the demise of our marriage yes. I was a horrible husband but great provider


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## Natthewife

SunCMars said:


> Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to........never say never.
> 
> Though, character can be stone....sweet water can erode it.
> 
> Given time, a small crack, with running water working that divide, will dissolve its resolve.
> 
> SunCMars




Beautifully written yet negative message. 
Does life not need more positivity? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars

Natthewife said:


> Beautifully written yet negative message.
> Does life not need more positivity?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yes it does, my apologies. Life is ONEderful, tis' better when you add another digit to it. TWOnice, one should be!

My apologies to @Krazyguy also. He should give her another try. As others have said, do not marry for a while to see if the riff has nicely scabbed over....maybe two years.

OP told us [that] there was no cheating behavior during the marriage. I accept that [in the absence of any red-flags or solid evidence]. 

OP got divorced for irreconcilable differences? Sounds like those differences are NOW, less onerous. Both parties have matured.

She came back because the grass is not always greener in Freedom Land. Yes, KG could be plan B. 

Note: he was Plan A at one time. He can get himself promoted if he learns his lessons and she gives him friendly clue cards.

Good Luck to Krazy! Ho-Boy that sounds Nuts!


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## Lostinthought61

and for god sake please please get a prenup, while you have been saving she might have been spending on loser boyfriend and perhaps she is seeing her funds get low now and if you remarry protect your assets, otherwise if something goes wrong done the road you give 50% of what you just got out of the marriage in the first place. and if you don't think that will happen i have a friend who is kicking himself for the exact same thing that happen to him.


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## Natthewife

SunCMars said:


> Yes it does, my apologies. Life is ONEderful, tis' better when you add another digit to it. TWOnice, one should be!
> 
> My apologies to @Krazyguy also. He should give her another try. As others have said, do not marry for a while to see if the riff has nicely scabbed over....maybe two years.
> 
> OP told us [that] there was no cheating behavior during the marriage. I accept that [in the absence of any red-flags or solid evidence].
> 
> OP got divorced for irreconcilable differences? Sounds like those differences are NOW, less onerous. Both parties have matured.
> 
> She came back because the grass is not always greener in Freedom Land. Yes, KG could be plan B.
> 
> Note: he was Plan A at one time. He can get himself promoted if he learns his lessons and she gives him friendly clue cards.
> 
> Good Luck to Krazy! Ho-Boy that sounds Nuts!


As much as I enjoyed the sarcasm I'm now wondering your stance.
Cheater or victim? 

Sent from my SM-T700 using Tapatalk


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## GusPolinski

Krazyguy said:


> Her friend sent me screen shots of there convo. Then she found out and wasn't mad at all. We even talked about it. She has been staying over a lot.


I'd be suspicious of that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld

Krazyguy said:


> She said I deserved better than her but that's what she doesn't realize she is my want.


This is beautiful. There is a lot to work with here.


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## SunCMars

farsidejunky said:


> 40 lbs of muscle?
> 
> Call me skeptical...


He said in an earlier post that he WAS a jerk.

He put on 40 lbs. of muscle.

Either he is exaggerating or he was on steroids.

He wanted to do better with the "jerk" technique while lifting weights.

Some of juice may have spilled out of his mouth while he did the light weight repetition jerk action with his wife.

Roids give rage. 

Dunno? Being sarcastic.."a-gin" !


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## SunCMars

Deleted


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## bandit.45

Krazyguy said:


> I'm not owning her cheating but the demise of our marriage yes. I was a horrible husband but great provider


Don't try to save it. 

You have been friend-zoned. She wants you as a girlfriend, not a lover. Let her go and move on.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Interesting.

So, were you abusive? I kept waiting for you to provide more information, but you seem convinced you were the bad guy. I ask because you keep saying this:


Krazyguy said:


> We divorced because I put my wants and needs also my job. Before her and the girls. I was a straight up jerk all the time. Of course we are both at fault she wasn't perfect either. We discussed all this recently. I would chose to go to work over doing family activities together, and when I was home I wanted to be left alone. All things I learned were wrong now and she sees a change in me.


Yet, you said you were doing all of this:


> I want the fairytale wife that cooks and cleans. I did all of the house work before* cook clean laundry*.



I'm just curious of the entire back story now. I'm curious if you have your hindsight 20/20 glasses on at the highest rose color spectrum.



Krazyguy said:


> No you are right. *She even said I'm the only guy that can make her not want to be with that guy even though he cheated on her. *Smh idk why


No way, sorry just no. What happens when you get mad? I applaud her honesty, but you should listen to what she told you. 

How this red flag doesn't send you running I do not know. She told you this guy still has a place in heart, but you think things have changed. You just found out she cheated on you, is still in love with a cheater and you have fallen for the sweet nothings whispered in your ear. 

I do have one question, was she cheating on her ex-boyfriend when you two had your various flings?


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## SunCMars

Natthewife said:


> As much as I enjoyed the sarcasm I'm now wondering your stance.
> Cheater or victim?
> 
> Sent from my SM-T700 using Tapatalk


Krazy finally let loose the cheater adjective. *Wife did cheat*, prior to separation. 

Quick-Draw Sun-McDraw got shot in the back. 

Lesson: Get more information before drawing the Portrait. 

I have eaten my first Crow of the year. 

The flesh is tolerable, even raw. the feathers, nib and talons.....not so much.

*Krazy remains a Nice Guy victim.

*

Unless more Truth trickles down his shorts.

I take back any advice to Reconcile.

Do not remarry.


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## Natthewife

SunCMars said:


> Krazy finally let loose the cheater adjective. *Wife did cheat*, prior to separation.
> 
> 
> 
> Quick-Draw Sun-McDraw got shot in the back.
> 
> 
> 
> Lesson: Get more information before drawing the Portrait.
> 
> 
> 
> I have eaten my first Crow of the year.
> 
> 
> 
> The flesh is tolerable, even raw. the feathers, nib and talons.....not so much.
> 
> 
> 
> *Krazy remains a Nice Guy victim.
> 
> 
> 
> *
> 
> 
> 
> Unless more Truth trickles down his shorts.
> 
> 
> 
> I take back any advice to Reconcile.
> 
> 
> 
> Do not remarry.




Im going to draw a line under my part in this conversation.
Your speaking in riddles. As much as I love and enjoy English literature, I'm struggling even with yours. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Krazyguy

So update she left me and went back to that guy. Found out they talked more than I knew and she lied about being somewhere. After she posted along thing about how happy she was to have her family back.


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## Krazyguy

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Interesting.
> 
> So, were you abusive? I kept waiting for you to provide more information, but you seem convinced you were the bad guy. I ask because you keep saying this:
> 
> 
> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> We divorced because I put my wants and needs also my job. Before her and the girls. I was a straight up jerk all the time. Of course we are both at fault she wasn't perfect either. We discussed all this recently. I would chose to go to work over doing family activities together, and when I was home I wanted to be left alone. All things I learned were wrong now and she sees a change in me.
> 
> 
> 
> Yet, you said you were doing all of this:
> 
> 
> 
> I want the fairytale wife that cooks and cleans. I did all of the house work before* cook clean laundry*.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I'm just curious of the entire back story now. I'm curious if you have your hindsight 20/20 glasses on at the highest rose color spectrum.
> 
> 
> 
> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> No you are right. *She even said I'm the only guy that can make her not want to be with that guy even though he cheated on her. *Smh idk why
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> No way, sorry just no. What happens when you get mad? I applaud her honesty, but you should listen to what she told you.
> 
> How this red flag doesn't send you running I do not know. She told you this guy still has a place in heart, but you think things have changed. You just found out she cheated on you, is still in love with a cheater and you have fallen for the sweet nothings whispered in your ear.
> 
> I do have one question, was she cheating on her ex-boyfriend when you two had your various flings?
Click to expand...

I was never abusive. I grew up around that and despise that. I would just do what I wanted worked a lot and would put what I wanted first not caring about my family. She did cheat on me with two guys. A year apart.


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## Krazyguy

GusPolinski said:


> Krazyguy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Her friend sent me screen shots of there convo. Then she found out and wasn't mad at all. We even talked about it. She has been staying over a lot.
> 
> 
> 
> I'd be suspicious of that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...

You posted in my original post from when my separation started. You told me she was cheating and I defended her. It was called. My wife left me and I think it's due to a medical condition. Her thyroid got taken out. I was mikewmma


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## GusPolinski

Krazyguy said:


> You posted in my original post from when my separation started. You told me she was cheating and I defended her. It was called. My wife left me and I think it's due to a medical condition. Her thyroid got taken out. I was mikewmma


So are you finally done pining for her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks

Krazyguy said:


> You posted in my original post from when my separation started. You told me she was cheating and I defended her. It was called. My wife left me and I think it's due to a medical condition. Her thyroid got taken out. I was mikewmma


When the thyroid glands are removed the endocrinologist puts the patient on a thyroid med. It may take a little while to determine the 'just right' dosage for optimal health. I never experienced the desire to cheat or run away due to the condition.


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## Openminded

^^^

Me either.


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## Openminded

You were Plan B because the other guy cheated on her and she needed a back-up. And you'll be Plan B when he cheats on her again. That cycle could go on forever. Remove yourself from it.


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## caruso

I doubt you've heard the last of her. 

Next time she gets in a fight with her boyfriend she'll come running back to you, and I'm not so sure that you won't be opening the door.


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## SunCMars

Blondilocks said:


> When the thyroid glands are removed the endocrinologist puts the patient on a thyroid med. It may take a little while to determine the 'just right' dosage for optimal health. I never experienced the desire to cheat or run away due to the condition.


Unless the thigh-roids were actually Androgen injections into the pubic-ramus. These shots to the runaway would play havoc on the Abductor sensibilities and would precipitate desire for flexation and pounding, even if not morally prescribed by the attending physician.


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## SunCMars

Krazyguy said:


> So update she left me and went back to that guy. Found out they talked more than I knew and she lied about being somewhere. After she posted along thing about how happy she was to have her family back.


 @bandit.45 was prescient on this one.........again.

Krazy guy...........you are NOT.



These things you ARE

Trusting 
Naive 
Simple 
Salt of the Earth [maybe] 
Forgiving 
Gullible 
Honest 
Obliging 
Hard working


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## bandit.45

Count yourself lucky. A flake has left your life. 

No more flakes. Make that your mantra.


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## Ralph Bellamy

Ralph Bellamy said:


> How do you keep it going? Don't. Cheaters very rarely change and you and your kids will be the collateral damage of her fickleness.


Here's from page 1...


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## SunCMars

bandit.45 said:


> Count yourself lucky. A flake has left your life.
> 
> No more flakes. Make that your mantra.


No more Corny Horny flakes. She has selfie-shedded her own itchy flakeyness. 

Break out the Head and Shoulders.....Since you are now Head and Shoulders above the Relationship Fog of the Recent Blasted Past.

On Flakes:
Dandruff is yeast derived; when oily skin gets gobbled up by POSOM yeast organisms......tink, tink, tink... her tainted skin cells fall from grace.

You are now free of her Trans-fat-head attitude. She is the slippery source of any and all of the dead skin shedding in your now past relationship.

Your WW is selfish. She is immature....a big hormonal child stumbling in an adult world.....where the daddies supply the candy and she supplies the wiggles, giggles, lube and nether friction.


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