# So now she's jealous...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Background: Seperated since Feb, married 5 years, one child... issue: Nymphomania and lack of established boundaries.

Hey guys... I hate to be back only after a few weeks off this forum, I thought I had things settled. Well, things were going steady with my new gf and I but my STBXW is mouthing off at the moment. I guess I should have seen this coming dating one of her past friends, but the two don't even hang out no more so I didn't see it as too much of a problem - not my fault ex had such a hot bloody friend.

Well, my new date is very anti-drama. She's younger, hotter, more independent and appreciates the non-sexual love I can offer unlike my STBXW who only cared about getting her fix in sex. However, she told me that she has great respect for my ex, and doesn't want to be involved in a three-way drama. My STBXW is getting rather jealous, I kept it as low key as possible, my daughter has only seen us together once. But word has reached my STBXW regardless and now she's getting all b-tchy as apparently she's not getting her way.

Her parents are trying to get us together in a sitdown and my date can't help but feel like a rebound and is understandably extremely intimidated. In the past she told me that my STBXW loved me dearly and that there was nothing she wouldn't do for me, and that kind of love she doesn't want to get in between.

She says that she really likes me and wouldn't have second thoughts if things were different but as our relationship is still young it's the best time to go our seperate ways to avoid dramas before the feelings go in deeper. We have yet to have sex or even kissed! I also couldn't hide my indecisiveness dealing with this issue so I don't blame her.

But it's obvious now that I have to make a choice, STBXW doesn't seem to want to let me go without a fight and jealousy is clouding her judgement. My date is pushing me towards reconciliation because she also loves my daughter and for our family to get back together would be the best for her as well as the fact that she thinks that my STBXW still loves me. STBXW hasn't moved on with anyone else, there was one OM but apparently it didn't work out and she's not seeing him anymore.

So hey... what to do eh?
*sigh*


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I think you broke their "bro code." I would never date my friends' exes. Are you doing it partly just to annoy your ex?


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Going out with a past friend of your ex it sounds like you may be the one who likes drama, this was bound to happen.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

They weren't even spending time with each other no more!
Moreover she pretty much abandoned alot of her old friends since seperation as our social circle was joint. I thought I could get away with it as I've always been attracted to this one and it's not easy finding someone else with a spark.

I've wasted time and money on other crap dates none were of any substance or potential, my current date however does, her only problem is finding herself part of my ex's past social circle. Now I'm f-ked! And from how cold my STBXW was towards me I thought she no longer even cared from how hardened her heart was. I was happy for her to move on, it's best for her.

I kept things low key it wasn't like I was rubbing it in her face.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Of course they aren't spending time with each other anymore when the friend is dating her husband. Would you be friends with OM?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

They were never really close and my date hasn't even spent time with my STBX since last year and that was ages ago. My STBX has alot of friends and even more acquantainces and old friends my date was in the "old friend/acquantaince" category. Moreover STBX abandoned our social circle so I don't know why she's making such a big fuss over it... is it because she can? *sigh*

So much for our newfound peace as co-parents too. Why the hell does every other woman in this city suck and the only bloody decent one either than STBXW has to be one of her fking past mates?! Bah! *sigh*


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

RandomDude...there are plenty of women out there you just didn't venture out f as r enough out of your comfort zone to find one. I have folloeed your threads...Yuri our new gf litterly fell in your lap right after you separated from your wife if I remember correctly. You need to get out there and date for as little bit....find out who is really out there...not just who is convenient..comfortable..someone you already know. Go meet some new people....join s new club...expand that social cu rcle of yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Been celibate since Feb and when I finally find someone I actually want to f--k all hell breaks loose... *sigh*

And I did venture out, in fact I went on a bit of a dating spree through meetup, but none ignited the spark. I'm picky like that, always have been, so when I find what I want I really really want it! Yet all this BS in my way! *sigh*


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I believe the friend is feeling guilty about it that's why she wants to go separate ways.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You're right, but now I don't know what to do about it. Been messed up over this I haven't been able to put on a happy face for my daughter. I really like this one, if only she grew a bit of backbone over this issue not wanting to give up at the first sight of trouble.

*sighs* If anything, my ex was alot stronger in that regard. This is just messed up


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I don't think you can do much about it. It's her conscience.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Fking ex... nice way to ruin a good thing. I didn't even throw a fit over her new man, even gave her my blessing. And when I finally find someone else for myself she goes bonkers.

Great, so now I'm going to be almost alone again, with just my cat and my daughter for 2 days a week, and a whole bunch of poor quality women in this fked up city after my money for the other 5 days. Ex wins.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Fking ex... nice way to ruin a good thing. I didn't even throw a fit over her new man, even gave her my blessing. And when I finally find someone else for myself she goes bonkers.
> 
> Great, so now I'm going to be almost alone again, with just my cat and my daughter for 2 days a week, and a whole bunch of poor quality women in this fked up city after my money for the other 5 days. Ex wins.


Why are you letting her win? You've got 5 days a week to go find another quality woman who doesn't have a history with your ex. Stop be a drama king and start taking ownership of your life. Join some Meetup's, take some classes, start doing stuff that's likely to get you in contact with people of the opposite sex that you might have some stuff in common with.

And as far as your ex having more of a backbone... Remember she's the one that also handcuffed you to the bed and wanted to stick toys up your bum (if I remember correctly)... Maybe scaling things back a notch isn't a bad idea, eh?

C


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Did your ex and her past friend stop talking because they fought or anything?
If they didn't it's a good chance there is still loyalty their between them.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm sorry you're having problems, RD, but an ex's friends are really out of bounds, IMO.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I may be remembering incorrectly, but weren't you told before you started going out with her that this might happen?

Your STBX doesn't want you.At.All. She just doesn't want anyone else to have you either. She will likely try and trash any relationship you have, and there is nothing at all you can do about it.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Not so sure about that. I believe it's about her friend only. Your STBXW most likely thinks you started dating the friend on purpose to hurt or annoy her.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> They weren't even spending time with each other no more!
> Moreover she pretty much abandoned alot of her old friends since seperation as our social circle was joint. I thought I could get away with it as I've always been attracted to this one and it's not easy finding someone else with a spark.
> 
> I've wasted time and money on other crap dates none were of any substance or potential, my current date however does, her only problem is finding herself part of my ex's past social circle. Now I'm f-ked! And from how cold my STBXW was towards me I thought she no longer even cared from how hardened her heart was. I was happy for her to move on, it's best for her.
> ...


Maybe she'd be happier with this:

NSFW language
I'm gonna f*ck your mom! - YouTube


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> I may be remembering incorrectly, but weren't you told before you started going out with her that this might happen?
> 
> *Your STBX doesn't want you.At.All.* She just doesn't want anyone else to have you either. She will likely try and trash any relationship you have, and there is nothing at all you can do about it.


I disagree, I think she loves him but can see that the feelings aren't mutual.

Dating an ex-friend of an ex-wife is.....well, asking for what you got. I've read a lot of your post here and I have to ask: why do you seem so genuinely surprised when your actions cause predictable reactions in your wife?

It just seems to me like you just don't care how she feels or reacts anymore, so why let her reactions bother you? 

If you truly are done with your wife cut ties...completely other than to deal with your child. No more mutual friend dates. Sparks are what they talk about on romantic comedies and disney movies.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I think he is frustrated that the friend DO care what his wife thinks.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I think you knew exactly what you were doing hooking up with this friend of hers and now you are getting the response you secretly hoped for.....let's be real.

Just my opinion....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't care about what STBX does with her life, I've already given her my blessing to move on, and true, this scenario was a possibility hence I kept everything low key. Everything went quite smoothly but her old friends seem to have snitched.

I wouldn't have cared now but when she goes behind my date's back stirring up trouble out of jealousy and spoiling a good thing with my date and now us possibly having to go our seperate ways over this issue it's just really messed up.

Hell I didn't even get laid through all this, and I've always been attracted to this one even from ages before hence why I went for her despite the risk. I remember when STBX told me about the OM I had a private fit but still kept my integrity to respect her own decision to move on. Now instead of returning the favor she pulls this sh-t on me... BAH!

As for sparks, what you mean they aren't real? If they aren't I wouldn't have married nor been attracted to any woman! I can't just go for anything with tits and ass =/


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

What do you mean by "her old friends seem to have snitched"?

Btw. I can't help but think you have a certain attidude by looking at your avatar lol.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I try not to give a sh-t 
Though it's hard now when I just lost a hot date. Pretty depressed and angry/frustrated now actually, like ok, I didn't invest too much emotion into this but for the first time in a long time I actually felt alive dating this one.

As for her old friends that's how she must have learned of us two together. And as for my ex I used to hold her in high respect no matter what happened but presently...

I hate her, I really do. I hate her now the fking b-tch. Always double standards, I do sh-t for her that she never does for me, I respect her space when she never respects mine. Hell I'm so MAD at her it's a good thing I won't see her for a week cause her face may make me cause some fking serious damage.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I don't care about what STBX does with her life, I've already given her my blessing to move on, and true, this scenario was a possibility hence I kept everything low key. Everything went quite smoothly but her old friends seem to have snitched.
> 
> I wouldn't have cared now but when she goes behind my date's back stirring up trouble out of jealousy and spoiling a good thing with my date and now us possibly having to go our seperate ways over this issue it's just really messed up.
> 
> ...


1) I don't believe that you don't care what she does. You do, if only in how she is messing up your iife. Oh...and you had a 'private fit' when she got laid. That isn't detachment.

2) Next time, get laid. Learn from your mistakes. Not even a kiss after several dates? Sad. Very very sad.

3) After all I've read about you and your situation, why is it a surprise that she doesn't give a sh*t about what you want and she 'doesn't return the favor'? When has she EVER respected you, your wishes, or did anything but abuse you? And this surprises you?

She gets what she wants and you get what she allows you to get. This is not new in your relationship.

4) I am a very fussy eater. So it is not the restaurants fault if I walk in and nothing appeals to me. MY pickiness is MY problem. So is yours. (Were you the one who liked damaged women with a past? IIRC, one poster's ex was an ex escort which was a 'turn on' and 'interesting'. If this was you and this was true, might I suggest you learn to broaden your palette)


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> and a whole bunch of poor quality women in this fked up city after my money for the other 5 days. Ex wins.


What makes every woman in your city "poor quality?"

There's a difference between everyone being "poor quality" and you not finding "the spark" with someone so you feel like having sex with them. 

It may take a while. I think you rushed this - when you label as something as "getting away with it" - some part of you knew there may be trouble. I think you are focusing too much on how long since the last time you had sex. 

I mean - sex was a big issue with the ex, wasn't it? Shouldn't you take time to make sure your connection is deeper than sex. And honestly - this one sounds kind of flaky. 

It's just long-term drama bound as any of her former friends were likely label your GF a "homewrecker" - she's actively dating the husband of a former friend. You guys aren't divorced yet, just separated. Even if you are cool with that, other people likely aren't going to be - I think you need to step away from your wife's social circle, like - far away.


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Fking ex... nice way to ruin a good thing. I didn't even throw a fit over her new man, even gave her my blessing. And when I finally find someone else for myself she goes bonkers.
> 
> Great, so now I'm going to be almost alone again, with just my cat and my daughter for 2 days a week, and a whole bunch of poor quality women in this fked up city after my money for the other 5 days. Ex wins.


Do you NEED to date? Why not settle the current issues before looking for the next love of your life? Tell the current girl you will be glad to date her when this is all over and the D is final?

I don't get it, really. If I got out of my marriage, It would be months, if not years, before I even seriously dated again. Enjoy being single.. you can do what you want when you want. That's a gift some of us dream about.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I'm still trying to figure out why you are doing a marriage intervention with your STBX-In Laws. Do you want the marriage or not? If not, which I would assume, why go to this?

I can't blame this girl. A person that is done with the marriage wouldn't go to something like that, nor would he even be in that much communication with his STBX beyond divorce. Sure looks like you are setting someone up as a Plan B fallback... You are done or you are not... there isn't a middle-ground. 

NC isn't just for waywards and R...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I played it too cautiously yes, but with her past relationship with my STBX she wasn't your ordinary "pickup" date. I had to play it slow and steady, wrong decision regardless. Anyways we're both laying low from the fires my STBX is spreading all around the place at the moment.

As for the women here, guess I shouldn't use the term "poor quality" then, rather, almost all of them just aren't my type. Before I found success in my business I was a very humble man and even before that I was a street kid. Many of them are very materialistic, and the rest lack any sort of depth. Despite being financially stable now I still can't accept it. As for only liking damaged women my recent date was anything but damaged, only problem is her bloody connection to my STBX.

As for my current issues, things were sorted, hell I didn't need to come back here until this happened. As for my date waiting till next year when I can finalise the divorce, no I don't think that's going to happen. And I'm done with the pleasures of single freedom, it was fun for a while but kinda sucks without some romance in my life. 

Single is great with a girl on the side.
However I'm not even interested in FWB anymore, I realised I'm not that young "don't give a sh-t, just FFF 'em" type of dude no longer. So hey, why not invest in a date?

I already have everything else I want in life, financial security, an awesome kid, just want someone to share it all with. I lost a few things, like my home, my family unit, but meh... I can easily settle down again anytime and build a new home. As for marriage intervention with in-laws it's their suggestion not mine, and I'm not agreeing to it.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I believe the International Men's List of Smack-Down Sex is:

Daughters
Sisters
Cousins
Best Friend
Friends
Ex-Friends

Any of the above is in the drama category. A no-brainer for both people hopping in the sack together. 

Without pictures we really can't give you a full assessment, so I do urge OP to submit evidence for our inspection. Thx.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

I don't think you can really blame you ex for this. The decision was made by the friend in the end, no? It's like blaming the BS for the WS' cheating.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Suspecting said:


> I don't think you can really blame you ex for this. The decision was made by the friend in the end, no? It's like blaming the BS for the WS' cheating.


The final choice DOES lie with the GF, but do you really think that the ex didn't make her displeasure known? I thought he said she did.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Alright guys, its official, date is over. We're cutting ties, and letting everyone know - even though none of them even knew we were dating until STBX ran her mouth. I hope STBX chokes on her victory. GF told me that once the divorce is finalised and STBX moves on then maybe who knows, but I told her not to count on it.

I'm very vengeful right now, even thinking of how to win sole custody. I'm no longer interested in this co-parenting sh-t if it means I'll have to see her every fking weekend and deal with her BS.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

You went for her friend (past or not), extremely disrespectful imo and now your throwing a fit that your STBX didn't react the way you wanted her to (even though she did react how many would).
If you go for sole custody to have a dig or cause hurt/drama to your STBX you don't only hurt her you also hurt your daughter.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

FOR THE LAST TIME I did it discretely and it was between me and my date nothing to do with STBX. This was one woman I've always been attracted to and fun-flirted with in the past but remained loyal to my STBX. If I was rubbing it in her face then ok, your advice warrants, but this was NOT the case.

As for sole custody, I really don't care at this point. I want her OUT of my life. And as for my daughter she is alot stronger than alot of people realise.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Discretely or not it's still a would be hard for most to take, your stbx didn't have the ability to stop you and her friend seeing each other her friend CHOSE not to.
Strong or not to use your daughter to get the boot in is really dirty, she deserves better than that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Her friend chose to stop it BECAUSE of my ex. I can't just cut her out of the equation and simply forgive. And when I was very young my parents offered me a choice, to live with mum or with dad as they went their seperate ways. I now intend to make the same offer. This co-parenting won't work any longer, there's now bad blood.

She's finally given me a reason to hate her. Bad move on her part, I've been nice to her all these years and never has she seen what I could do to my enemies. As for the law I've always played both sides to get my way and even though this time it's family law if it comes to that she stands no chance.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

May I ask you (obviously don't have to answer if you want to),
did your wife know you flirted with this friend when you where married?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Well, I try not to give a sh-t
> Though it's hard now when I just lost a hot date. Pretty depressed and angry/frustrated now actually, like ok, I didn't invest too much emotion into this but for the first time in a long time I actually felt alive dating this one.
> 
> As for her old friends that's how she must have learned of us two together. And as for my ex I used to hold her in high respect no matter what happened but presently...
> ...


I understand your anger. No problem.

But you posts before show you are rationalizing impulsive and emotional behavior afterwards.

Before, you don't think things through.

You could change that, and your life will be better.

Thinking is the key to the future.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've always been a flirt especially when drunk, and I flirted with a few of her friends in front of her, this friend was one of them. Except I had a serious crush on her which of course STBX doesn't know. I stopped the flirting in recent years however especially since overcoming my alcohol addiction but what does it matter, our marriage is over anyway.

As for my anger, yes I'm trying to calm myself down. Trying not to make decisions when I'm angry. But I've always been a vengeful sort, I have a side of me that can be nice, compromising, but another side that's a violent sadistic animal. I used to be one for 6 years in my youth in crime before I grew up and became legit. STBX just has to push me a little further...

Just a little further... and she'll see what I've been sparing her all these years. I've seen her demon, she has yet to see mine.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And again, you're over-reacting in an emotional manner, fuelling the high drama state that you seem to thrive in. 

Obviously, none of us can say how things would have gone if you would have simply dated outside of your wife's circle of friends, but that was a bad idea from the start. And now you want to start a custody battle, with your daughter caught in the cross-fire. Nice job on the part of both you and your STBX. You say your daughter is strong, but isn't she like, under 6 years old? The two of you are going to mess her up big time.

Around here, custody is by default 50/50. If you want to push for something other than that, you better have a damn good reason. You don't have a good reason for that yet. Your wife has done nothing really to demonstrate that she's less fit to be a parent than you. So an opposing lawyer would likely get the whole thing thrown out of court, and you'd get stuck with both you and your wife's legal bills.

Why can't you, for once, take the low-drama path? If not for the sake of you or your STBX, then for your daughter's sake?

C


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wife gets jealous you are dating her good friend? 

Gee, I can't imagine why.

Random, I know you must be an intelligent man so sometimes your threads and the questions posed are just mind-boggling.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> I believe the International Men's List of Smack-Down Sex is:
> 
> Daughters
> Sisters
> ...


:iagree: So true!


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I don't know, if the spark is there see what happens, but you need to TAKE YOUR TIME. There has been stranger things happening. It was Kills8 that hooked up with the OMW wasn't it?
Your STBX is going to be jealous and try to kill your relationships no matter who you are with, might as well be someone you have "spark" with as long as its real.
My .02, flame away.


What happened to Kills8, all posts are gone.
???


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hate is not the opposite of love.

It's Love with ego, pain, anger and hurt spread over it.

You are not over your wife. If you were, you would be indifferent...not hate her. That's just my opinion.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Wife gets jealous you are dating her good friend?
> 
> Gee, I can't imagine why.
> 
> Random, I know you must be an intelligent man so sometimes your threads and the questions posed are just mind-boggling.


Yea. Ex-friend was once friend.

If my mate did this, I would assume they did it to get a rise out of me. It's just simple drama, through and through.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm calmer now, I just needed to vent. I won't fight a custody battle, my daughter needs to stay out of this. And as for love/hate/being over my STBX, I was indifferent until she decided to ruin a good thing. Ok sure, it was her friend, who wasn't even really close to her pfft. I don't have crushes often, and when it happens it's so rare I sometimes risk potential dramas like this one.

It's just how it is, life has never been clear cut for me. I can't just ram anything I see. Hell I can't even just ram for pleasure without emotion anymore even though I thought I could when I tried to go for friends with benefits post-seperation. I went as far as getting them home but rejecting the opportunity for intimacy. I need to feel at least some infactuation or desire.

Right ok sure, bad move to date her friend, yet I thought with all the space and blessing I gave her to move on with the OM she would at least return the fking favor instead of acting up. I was actually quite happy for a time, felt alive. Now it's all over and I'm back to square one. Except STBX and I are no longer on good terms.

But hell... if I ask myself if it was worth it to have those few weeks of romance in my life that I haven't felt for so long, hell... I would say it was worth it even though I didn't even get laid in the end. Saves being miserable forever, at least I had some comfort. Sex ain't everything, had enough of it demanded of me from my nympho STBX.

Looks like it's all over though and hey, good things never last. Meh fk it... shame really, I really liked her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Let me see if I have this strait. 

Do you mean that your sexual frustration is reason enough to blow up your own child's life? You didn't get to fvck some woman so now you hate your wife and want to punish her and your child? 

Think about that for a few hrs. Makes no sense right? Women come and go but your daughter is a precious human not a pawn. 

Do you see the similarities between your childhood and what your child is destined to experience? Your parents D and you were forgotten in the struggle between them. Neither one of them put you first. In fact you ended up on the street because no one cared. 

Who puts your daughter first? Her mother seems to be providing her with a stable life surrounded by family and love. Why do you want to destroy her life? 

I feel sorry for your daughter. She has the potential of a wonderful life with two parents who love her and put her welfare first. Two parents who know about childhood traumas. 

I hope your daughter grows up and breaks the cycle of selfish unstable parenting. Maybe she will have the maturity to resolve that the buck stops with her. I hope she works on her demons from her childhood traumas and goes on to be a good parent.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've already calmed down, and if you read my previous post I've already decided to keep my daughter out of this.

Sometimes I do need to vent you know? Sheez


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> FOR THE LAST TIME I did it discretely and it was between me and my date nothing to do with STBX. This was one woman I've always been attracted to and fun-flirted with in the past but remained loyal to my STBX. If I was rubbing it in her face then ok, your advice warrants, but this was NOT the case.


Yeah - but there's no way to not make this seem like it's being rubbed in Melpomene's face, sorry to say. Especially when there's pre-existing conditions about how you had feelings for this woman when you were married, and "fun-flirted" with her while you were married.

I mean if your STBXW new OM was I don't know - your former best-friend, or your brother, or your boss. Further - you had the suspicion that she's had feelings for them all along. Would you feel "Well, I gave her my blessing" or - she's totally doing that to rub it in my face? And - has she just been hoping we'd get divorced to get with him? Were they indeed together behind my back? 

Involving close associates/friends/co-workers/relatives of your former spouse brings up questions and emotions and feelings that someone your spouse doesn't/didn't know doesn't. It makes you start to question the entire history of your relationship, and wonder whether it was "legit."

(I've never had this situation during my marriage, however, my long-term HS boyfriend did dump be to get with my best-friend, and these are all the feelings I had. I can only surmise that other women, including your STBXW may get the same feelings.)

So I'm glad you've calmed down, but honestly - if you want to long-term do yourself a favor, avoid drama with your ex, and more importantly - avoid drama for your child by unduly agitating your ex - avoid people who know your ex. I know that's more tricky to find someone you have a "spark" for - but honestly for the long term mental and emotional health of you and your child, just try "further afield."

Also - yes, please don't use your child as a pawn in a custody battle to prove supremacy over your Ex. I was in the middle of such a thing when I was a kid, and it's totally depressing, alienating, and as a kid you feel there is no right choice. It causes grief and bad blood for years.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Hate is not the opposite of love.
> 
> It's Love with ego, pain, anger and hurt spread over it.
> 
> You are not over your wife. If you were, you would be indifferent...not hate her. That's just my opinion.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I dont blame your current GF for feeling this way. But, unfortunately, what your having to deal with is, your X doesnt want you. But, she also doesnt want anybody else to want you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I truly believe, after all this time, you do like living this way.

If you didn't, you'd stop. But you don't.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Starstarfish said:


> Yeah - but there's no way to not make this seem like it's being rubbed in Melpomene's face, sorry to say. Especially when there's pre-existing conditions about how you had feelings for this woman when you were married, and "fun-flirted" with her while you were married.
> 
> I mean if your STBXW new OM was I don't know - your former best-friend, or your brother, or your boss. Further - you had the suspicion that she's had feelings for them all along. Would you feel "Well, I gave her my blessing" or - she's totally doing that to rub it in my face? And - has she just been hoping we'd get divorced to get with him? Were they indeed together behind my back?
> 
> ...


Yeah, guess I see your point. I don't know how we could have kept it even more low key then it already was and I still don't know how she even found out about us. Guess it was just doomed from the start.

Oh well, back to celibacy. It's starting to get depressing now. Since quitting alcohol I no longer have my beer goggles too which also makes me alot pickier. Think it's time I get back on the booze if just to be more social again and enjoy single life instead of being depressed about it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Or make a choice to be a lot more friendly and a lot less picky.


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## jmp2204 (Aug 7, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Background: Seperated since Feb, married 5 years, one child... issue: Nymphomania and lack of established boundaries.
> 
> Hey guys... I hate to be back only after a few weeks off this forum, I thought I had things settled. Well, things were going steady with my new gf and I but my STBXW is mouthing off at the moment. I guess I should have seen this coming dating one of her past friends, but the two don't even hang out no more so I didn't see it as too much of a problem - not my fault ex had such a hot bloody friend.
> 
> ...


sounds like your new GF is a keeper


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