# Sex, Orgasms, real or faking it.



## misschick (May 4, 2010)

Are there different types of orgasms (clitoral vs vaginal)?

Im a little concerned because Im not sure if I'm climaxing during sex. Some advice please... because I feel sex is something we both should enjoy to its maximum potential. 

Normally, I dont have difficulty reaching it through masturbation or Oral sex. But that involves direct clitoral stimulation. 

During sex, My partner is a little egotistical and doesnt like to touch me there because he wants his penis to be the only source of pleasure. I feel intense pleasure and peaks and sometimes I even get that weird release/ticklish feeling that usually happens after an orgasm. But I dont get the explosion feeling- that I get with masturbation or Oral sex. It feels different. Is that normal? Am I reaching it and not knowing it? Does an orgasm during sex feel different to an orgasm through masturbation or Oral sex.

Any help here would be appreciated as its getting to the point where I feel I have to fake it a little so that the vaginal orgasm is on the same level as the other types.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Misschick, While I am not at woman (at least as far as I can tell) I can tell you how my wife acts during different orgasms. 

Maybe she's weird but she has 3 types of orgasms that I have seen (Clitoral, Anal,Vaginal). My wife actually prefers the feeling they give in that order. For her, 80% of the time she wants me to make her climax orally. While she can climax vaginally, she prefers the Clitoral. She says the clitoral is more like a strong crashing wave, while the vaginal is much less strong but lasts longer. As for the Anal orgasm, I still haven't figured that one out. I thought us guys were the only ones able to climax from anal, but somehow my wife does as well. 

As per your husband, he needs to understand that a real lover is someone who takes care of his partners needs however they can. Let him know he's not any less of a man if he makes you orgasm with his fingers/tongue/etc and not his penis. Let him know what really makes him a man is taking care of your needs your way, not his way. The worst thing you can do is fake it because that will just build up resentment on your part.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

If you're not sure whether or not you're climaxing during intercourse I would guess that you're not. You clearly know what an orgasm is because you get them through oral or direct clitoral stimulation. 

The fact is most women do not orgasm through vaginal intercourse and need some sort of other stimulation. There may not be anything your man can do if if insists on thrusting only. Some positions may be better to hit your clit during sex but it may never work 100% for you without some other stimuli. 

I agree with what Crypsys said about a real lover needing to recognize his partner's needs. It's not about what he wants to do to get you off, it's about recognizing what makes you feel good and him doing that! 

Since you don't have any difficulty reaching orgasm through masturbation or oral you could probably try touching yourself during sex or get a vibrator to use during intercourse. It sounds as though you are getting some good feelings during sex just not the climax so a little self stimulation or vibrator during sex will probably be pretty explosive for you. If you can convince him use positions where he can use a vibrator or stimulate your clit with his fingers while you have sex. 

As a guy it always helps me to have hard data. So maybe show him some articles or facts on this so he understands it is not him but a physiological fact. I did a google search on percentage of women orgasm through intercourse and this was one of the first links: Dr. Phil.com - Advice - The Female Orgasm.

Good luck!


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

yes there is an internal orgasm(gspot) and external(clitoral stimulation) internal last longer for me than external, although external seems a bit more intense. You are more than likely feeling an internal orgasm since you feel a "wierd release and ticklish" and you are feeling intense pleasure and peaks, I would assume you having internal orgasms? next time u feel close while he is inside just relax and breath and let the pleasure build up and more than likely you will have a full internal orgasm(gspot)


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

misschick said:


> I feel intense pleasure and peaks and sometimes I even get that weird release/ticklish feeling that usually happens after an orgasm. But I dont get the explosion feeling- that I get with masturbation or Oral sex. It feels different. Is that normal? Am I reaching it and not knowing it? Does an orgasm during sex feel different to an orgasm through masturbation or Oral sex.


I would ask when you get this release/ticklish feeling -do you WANT to CONTINUE or are you perfectly satified if he pulls out and the love making is finished ? Your answer will determine whether you had one or not. 

Sounds like you enjoy Oral over intercourse since it is MORE explosive for you. & that is OK, very normal for many many women. As long as you have a man who loves doing it -Great! I personally have a hard time orgasming that way, mine are less explosive that way. 

Is all Oral sex Clitoral orgasms? I still have yet to figure all of this out, all I know is just that I prefer one way over the other. And I have never had more than 2 orgasms in one session. I am baffled by women who can have many, I dont get it. As for me, once you have one, I feel totally satisfied with no need to continue -unless he is still reaching for the top of his mountain .


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## Momof3kids (Nov 24, 2009)

Yes, there are different kinds of orgasms as stated above by other posters. (I'd argue that there are more than the three mentioned above...) For me, at least, each type is enjoyable in it's own way. Some kind of wash over you, some are toe-curling and mind-numbing, some leave you feeling all aglow, etc. The question I would ask you is - do you need/want/desire one over the other? The other question I would ask is whether or not you provide "positive reinforcement" when your husband gives you an orgasm? Do you tell him what works, what doesn't, what you want him to do? Are you vocal with him? 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Is all Oral sex Clitoral orgasms? I still have yet to figure all of this out, all I know is just that I prefer one way over the other. And I have never had more than 2 orgasms in one session. I am baffled by women who can have many, I dont get it. As for me, once you have one, I feel totally satisfied with no need to continue -unless he is still reaching for the top of his mountain .


In my experience, yes. All oral sex orgasms are clitoral. As far as the feeling of satisfaction and no need to continue - not sure that you can necessarily use that as a gauge. Once I have one, I just want more and more until I'm absolutely, utterly, completely exhausted. One does leave me satisfied, but (if anything!) makes me want to continue and see just how many orgasms I can have. As you can't imagine more than 2 - I can't imagine only 2...


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Not all women can have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. So, your husband insisting that only his penis is enough isn't accurate or considerate of your feelings. It sounds like you get very turned on, but you would know if you were experiencing an orgasm.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Momof3kids said:


> Once I have one, I just want more and more until I'm absolutely, utterly, completely exhausted. One does leave me satisfied, but (if anything!) makes me want to continue and see just how many orgasms I can have. As you can't imagine more than 2 - I can't imagine only 2...


 Me & my husband "go" together more times than not (so he is out of the game). When we go separate, I get mine 1st (99% of the time) but he probably does not last long enough for me to experience "being utterly & completely exhausted". 

Maybe that is why - I have only had 2 in my entire life in 1 session- and the 2nd was to a lessor intensity than the 1st. Geeze , how do you get a man to last that long - to make you exhausted. My husband often has stop, start again, stop , start again to keep him from getting too close - for me to get mine. I am afraid I would need some long consistent banging to reach #2 - #3 . 

Is that how you get to have more ? Just trying to understand , how long are these making love sessions? about how many minutes/seconds apart are they, are they to a lessor intensity each time generally ? This is all kinda foreign to me. That one time I did have a #2, he was lasting longer than normal, I know for me , it was not seconds after, but maybe a minute or 2 later, it had to "build up" again.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Is that how you get to have more ? Just trying to understand , how long are these making love sessions? about how many minutes/seconds apart are they, are they to a lessor intensity each time generally ? This is all kinda foreign to me. That one time I did have a #2, he was lasting longer than normal, I know for me , it was not seconds after, but maybe a minute or 2 later, it had to "build up" again.


If this were real life, I'd probably tell you "Because I can last like a porn star". But, since this is the internet, I can be truthful! 

Most of the time I give the Mrs 2 O's orally/finger/toy and then the 3rd for her is with me. We have found for both of us to O together the first time is really rare. It also causes problems for her if I go with 1 because 2 & 3 get pretty nasty and sticky finger/toy, etc. Sometimes she want's all 3 (anal, oral, vaginal), those are the times she's had O's so intense she's lost bladder control. 

All I know is thank God for toys!! They can give her things I am not biologically able to give her. But, I don't mind as I'm still the one operating them and making her happy. :smthumbup:


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## Momof3kids (Nov 24, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Me & my husband "go" together more times than not (so he is out of the game). When we go separate, I get mine 1st (99% of the time) but he probably does not last long enough for me to experience "being utterly & completely exhausted".


I almost always "go" with my partner every time. It's very unusual for me not to have a simultaneous o with him at the end. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Maybe that is why - I have only had 2 in my entire life in 1 session- and the 2nd was to a lessor intensity than the 1st. Geeze , how do you get a man to last that long - to make you exhausted. My husband often has stop, start again, stop , start again to keep him from getting too close - for me to get mine. I am afraid I would need some long consistent banging to reach #2 - #3 .


I'm the opposite. Usually the intensity builds with each one. The more I have, the more sensitive I get which usually means more o's. Understand that I'll usually have, on average, 1-4 from foreplay (oral and/or toys - depends on how determined my partner is!) and 2-4 during intercourse. It has some to do with how long he lasts, but for me it's ALL about position... The right position for me equals a multiorgasmic experience. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Is that how you get to have more ? Just trying to understand , how long are these making love sessions? about how many minutes/seconds apart are they, are they to a lessor intensity each time generally ? This is all kinda foreign to me. That one time I did have a #2, he was lasting longer than normal, I know for me , it was not seconds after, but maybe a minute or 2 later, it had to "build up" again.


I'd say from start to finish (foreplay and intercourse) I tend to run right around an hour or so, with 20-25 minutes of intercourse. Lots of variety in speed, intensity, depth, etc. It's usually a 1-5 minute turnaround before it can happen again during intercourse, I suppose, give or take a little. It depends on how sensitive I am, position, etc. 



Crypsys said:


> All I know is thank God for toys!! They can give her things I am not biologically able to give her. But, I don't mind as I'm still the one operating them and making her happy.


No joke!!! :yay:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thank you all, very interesting topic. I think my husband is intimidated by Toys. If I mention them, He always says he wants me to "use him". We just never explored toys. Maybe someday , but only if he was more into that kind of thing, otherwise I don't think I could get "into it" enjoying it fully knowing he is not. The guys enthusiam surely helps I am sure. It would be very FUN to try what you all suggested here and make the experience last longer though. I can now see it doesn't mean the guy has to last longer. Hmmmm. I should have figured that out . Daahhhh


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

If this happens, then yes you did orgasm.
If that doesn't happen, then no you didn't orgasm.
_________

A bunch of mumbo jumbo.

Misschick, if you have to ask/wonder, then no you do not have vaginal orgasms. Yes, the various orgasms are different because the source/focal point of the orgasm is different. But it is orgasm nevertheless, some stronger, some not so intense, some longer, some shorter. But they are all clearly and undeniably orgasm. Nothing to wonder about, and you also wouldn't have the presence of mind to fake one right in the middle of one. Perhaps you almost reach orgasm or maybe it feels so good that you wish you could reach orgasm since you describe some feelings/sensations that are similar to post orgasm. That might be the reason for your perplexity.

"_During sex, My partner is a little egotistical and doesnt like to touch me there because he wants his penis to be the only source of pleasure._"

You need a new partner and new self-esteem. Replacing both of those will help you to realize and understand that..........

1) No one dictates your orgasms to you. That is not his job. And look at what it has done to you. You don't even know if you are having orgasms that way, and he has no concern for your orgasms at all.

2) To recognize a snow job is liberating. He is only trying to fool you by saying such absurdity. He's not egotistical. He thinks he's too good to touch you but would never come right out and say he doesn't like putting his hands in that area of your body.

You have to protect yourself and know your own worth. This guy is controlling you but you don't recognize it. I have never heard of someone controlling/dictating their partner's orgasms. An unselfish, non-controlling lover is too busy trying to help you reach orgasm in any way that YOU require.

Come to think of it, why are faking or considering faking your orgasms? To feed his ego??? You need to tell him you are not having orgasms by his miraculous and mind blowing methods. He needs to know for your own sake. Wonder what his excuse will be next.


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## misschick (May 4, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I would ask when you get this release/ticklish feeling -do you WANT to CONTINUE or are you perfectly satified if he pulls out and the love making is finished ? Your answer will determine whether you had one or not.


Id say I would be satisfied, but if he continues the pressure tends to build up again. So yes? Still confused.


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## misschick (May 4, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> Perhaps you almost reach orgasm or maybe it feels so good that you wish you could reach orgasm since you describe some feelings/sensations that are similar to post orgasm. That might be the reason for your perplexity.


You are right- these feelings of post orgasm are confusing me. 
But I dont think Im complicated enough to lie to myself about this, Im just confused.
Im thinking that maybe I am coming, but dont experience the full effect because a) there is a penis inside me (not the same type of explosive contraction b)because its a different type of stimulation (g-spot)




Susan2010 said:


> To recognize a snow job is liberating. He is only trying to fool you by saying such absurdity. He's not egotistical. He thinks he's too good to touch you but would never come right out and say he doesn't like putting his hands in that area of your body.
> 
> Come to think of it, why are faking or considering faking your orgasms? To feed his ego??? You need to tell him you are not having orgasms by his miraculous and mind blowing methods. He needs to know for your own sake. Wonder what his excuse will be next.


My partner does have masculinity issues. No toys, no hands etc when it comes to sex. But he often inititates giving me oral or touching me- so it has nothing to do with him not wanting to touch me.

Im not purposely considering faking it to feed his ego... but I just want it to be good, for both of us.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Excellent Advice Susan2010. Our orgasms are for us to own and to maintain responsibility for. Educating our partner on what we need from them in order to orgasm is a part of that and hopefully they will be willing pupils. Anything less wouldn't be truly honoring each others feelings as we are all uniquely wired to receive pleasure.

Toys can increase intimacy a million times over. A ****ring (can I say that here?) for example will help your partner last much longer and have a much more intense orgasm - so you both win. A vibrator will help finish the ladies off if they need more time and it's a most excellent foreplay toy for both men and women.

It's silly to have such a big ego that you aren't willing to use some tools in bed. People use tools for absolutely everything else, why not have some tools to help your partner and yourself have some more pleasure? Not to mention the fun and deepening intimacy playing around with them have. They aren't a replacement for the real thing and you don't get addicted to them, if anything they will also help when you have sex without them too as you've spent additional time sharing what makes you "tick" with each other.

I think I'll write an article about that....


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

P.S. Here is the article. I hope it's useful for you Sex Toys are Tools for Pleasure | HappyHer Blog


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