# Just Called Off Wedding :'( advice please



## Mollyma (Jul 19, 2013)

I just called off my wedding to my fiance. I am meant to be getting married November 30th and I have called off my own wedding.

My whole life has crumbled. literally. I feel so lost and down and feel like I have nowhere to go. I have been with my fiance since I was 18 and I am now 24.


We met in college and have been together since, he got offered a job in Chicago and after 6 years of dating proposed to me, because we would be getting married in November we moved to Chicago for his new job last year November planning 1 year engagement.


I am from Canada and we both moved to Chicago, I left my job, my friends, my life and everything so we could move here and start our life here only knowing him here in Chicago. 


We bought our house here in Chicago, I finally found a job and I honestly thought we were on our way. Everything was good and we've just been busy planning our wedding and honeymoon. 


Over the past few months everything changed. to cut a long story short I realized that all these years my fiance has had a secret life completely.



Between age 15-25 (while we were together) my fiance has had a completely secret bisexual life. He swears he hasn't done anything with any guys despite flirting but honestly I do not believe him.
He has an addiction to gay pornography which I had no idea about (I use his laptop all the time but never saw it he was very smart) he has confessed he watches it almost every other day before i wake up.
He also has this whole circle of secret friends (female) who he acts as their gay best of friend around (I've never met these women before)

I never knew about any of this and found out by a slip chance (he has a secret email account which he used to order something, i say the Ebay invoice and thought hmmm and i went digging from there). 


I found this all out this week but since moving here things have crumbled because I had my women instinct about this and since we moved here something just wasn't right.

He is crying and begging saying he isn't gay bla bla bla but honestly i think it would be crazy for me to go ahead with the wedding. If he has been having this secret life for 10 years it wont just magically go away.


Now I am here and I feel I threw my youth, my life all down the drain for a lie and I don't think I will be able to live properly after this.

I just feel so shocked and lost. I left everything behind in Canada to move here and feel I have lost everything I have ever known. I'm going to have to go back to Canada rebuild my life again and start over when I knew this man since i was so young.


I don't know were to even begin rebuilding my life again.I have nooone I love around me. My mum passed away and back in Canada I only have my brother. I feel I have nothing to go back to and nothing here. My whole life has shattered apart.


Please reassure me that everything will be okay. 

Do you think I made the right decision ?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Honey, run like h$ll from this guy. He has at very least bisexual tendencies and it's not going to get better. You're going to have kids, find yourself with a guy that suddenly is ld, and you'll find out he's been having affairs behind your back, and many more years of your life will be gone. he's in denial right now but that will change as he gets older. .You're very young and have lots of time to find a great guy. Be glad you found out before the wedding, and yes, you absolutely did the right thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## agreenbough (Oct 1, 2012)

I'm so sorry. But you are still young - - I know you feel like you wasted a lot of time, but don't waste any more. You did the right thing to call off the wedding. 

((hugs))


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

good call . this is not the man for you.

your young and have plenty of time to start over with a new man.


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## c101 (Jul 19, 2013)

You made a great choice. It's okay. Tell him you can be friends until he sorts out his "gay porn addiction" to appease him so that you can have some peace and work to solve your current problem while you look out for yourself now. He is very ill. You can do this. You can get away. Is there a friend in Canada who might help you until you rebuild? No matter what you do, I know you will be okay. You are lucky you are still young. . . imagine if you found out 10 years from now.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

I am so sorry this has blown up your life, but you have made a wise decision. Please do not let him persuade you otherwise. 

You are going to have some difficult days, that's to be expected especially when you have been with the guy since you were 18. Just keep moving forward, the pain and heartache will lessen as you begin to heal from his betrayal.

Even though he says "nothing happened" I think you would be smart to get tested for STD's, obviously truth and honesty aren't his strong points.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I am sorry this is happening to you. You made a lot of sacrifices and I am sure it hurts a lot being lied and betrayed like that. I know it's going to take a while for this to happen but, the time will come that you will look at what happened and think "Thank G*d, this happened before I got married!"

I hope you get better soon!


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

You know what......you may feel shattered right now but you saved yourself misery and heartache...which is pretty minor compared to what you would go through if you did marry this person.
Have you thought about counseling in helping you to get your foot back on solid ground? It something that you might want to consider.
You are young and wise....your future is whole lot brighter now since you made a wise decision to call of a marraige that would have caused you a whole bunch of problems.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

PS. - You have a job, you are healthy and young! Those are 3 very valuable things! You have a lot to live for!!


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

You did the right thing.

I have known several gay men who tried very hard to be straight but eventually broke. They ended up divorced, their children grew up with split custody and their ex-wives had to start all over again.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

You definitely did the right thing. Better to find out now, than later when married and a possible family. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Best thing would probably be to move back home, maybe stay with your brother until you can get on your feet again, and reconnect with your friends there. I wish you the best and keep in mind that you're still young and a lot of good life ahead of you.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

First and foremost, take a big, deep breath. Exhale slowly. 

Then, allow yourself to entertain the notion that you just made the best decision of your life. 

After that, ponder why this relationship was NOT in vain, it was NOT a waste of your time, it helped shaped (the obviously strong!) woman that you are. I'm sure there is much to learn from it. 

And all that sappy stuff I just said aside...Honey, you're gonna hurt for awhile. You feel betrayed, lost, thrown under the bus, confused, deceived and downright p**ssed. AND YOU SHOULD BE! Let yourself feel whatever you feel...this is going to be tough to get through. 

But that said...you're in Chicago! A huge, great city with tons of opporunities! You CAN make friends! (I actually recently moved to a major midwestern city and wanted to make friends...I put an ad on Cragislist and met two great gals with whom I hang out regularly.)

This is a whole new chapter of your life, and it's an exciting one!! While there will be pain, just remember, YOU will come out on top and your brand new life...starts right NOW. 

GOOD FOR YOU!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Mollyma said:


> since moving here things have crumbled because I had my women instinct about this and since we moved here something just wasn't right.


This is a valuable lesson. Listen to your gut instincts. These kinds of people are experts at fooling people, and they specifically seek people that have broken "radar" or who are naiive, over-trusting, and gullible. 

Look back over the past and try to remember when your gut was telling you something and you allowed it to be explained away. 



> I don't know were to even begin rebuilding my life again.I have nooone I love around me. My mum passed away and back in Canada I only have my brother. I feel I have nothing to go back to and nothing here. My whole life has shattered apart.


This is the fire that will harden you for many trials in life to come, and you will be a source of strength to others because of it.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I am with everyone else, you made the best decision and really the only right one you could make. It's not fair that he has lied to you and betrayed your trust. Can you imagine how your life would be if this happened 10 to 20 years down the road? Sell the house and go back to your support in Canada. 

The hurt is going to be there sure but thank heaven that you found out now. Big hugs to you!


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Thank your lucky stars you found this out before the wedding. RUN!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I know a man who after 20 years of marriage and 3 kids later finally came out of the closet. It was UGLY. 

It's hard yes but this could have been a whole lot worse.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Absolutely the right choice. Take care of yourself. Chicago can be a fun town for a single girl.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

You are probably one of the smartest girls on the planet. There are so many who would have been so in love with the idea of getting married, or fearful of the pain, that they would have gone through with it and made a huge mistake.

I know you're confused right now. You're dealing with the betrayal. You're dealing with the fear of your future. You're grieving.

It WILL get better. You are a young single woman in an awesome city, you have unlimited opportunity. There's so much to do where you are, just start looking for fun activities and groups to get plugged into. You will make new friends and adventures very quickly.

And I promise you will look back at this and be thankful of your decision. You are definitely doing the right thing.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

This was the best AND most painful thing to happen to you.

At 24 you are at a PRIME age to heal up and find the straight man you deserve.

Your willingness to make a hard decision like this make me think you have the kind of brains many men will find attractive and you will have plenty of offers.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

GET TESTED FOR HIV AND OTHER STD'S There is no FIX for what is wrong with him, and he is a liar....Leave ASAP...

the woodchuck


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Sorry you are here. But remember that you are young, you have a job, you will find a good man. You do not have to go to Canada, stay where you are ,little by little you will realize that you are lucky to find this. Your fiancé is a liar, he will never change. Stay strong, you are lucky you found the truth before it is too late. Hugs!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Mollyma said:


> He swears he hasn't done anything with any guys despite flirting but honestly I do not believe him.


Women say "no" to casual sex. Men do not. And anonymous gay sex is easy to find on the internet. Get tested now. He has screwed A LOT of men.

A lot.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

You have no idea...NO IDEA... about the bullet you just dodged. Take the advice of those that came before me. You just may have saved yourself some major pain down the line.

You fiance is gay. Straight guys don't flirt with other guys, or even look at gay vids. I have no desire, to even want to know how that's like. He's giving you the trickle truth, and will only admit to what you can prove. 

There's nothing wrong with being gay, but he can't have it both ways in regards to being gay, and being married to a woman. At this point, you have to remove yourself out of the equation, for your own sake. Like mentioned above, you would of been strung alone for about a dozen years or so, until he finally "figured it all out" and fully comes out the closet, and informs you that the life you guys had, with your 3 children, is now all over. 

In the meantime, he would of been "experimenting" on the side, maybe having unprotected s-x, while still sleeping with you, risking the chance of giving you a disease.


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