# My Ideal Mate



## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

My ideal mate

She will always be honest with me, not trying to hide something, not trying to cover up things 
pending on her mind, about her, about us and know full well, she doesn't have to go through 
life or overcome obstacles on her own. She will not play games or be misleading or 
manipulative.

She will be artistic in nature, knowing the beauty of the mind and heart of an artist and 
encourage me when I feel inspired to express myself within my art and music, not resenting it, 
thinking it's taking time away from us, knowing full well, this is part of my very nature to be, for 
I was born an artist.

She will realize something is wrong should I distance myself from her, she will always strive to 
be close to me in all ways no matter what it takes and will not let inhibitions or preconceived 
notions get in her way.

She will act upon her heart unabated and she will express what she is feeling clearly.

She will be confident in my ability to understand, knowing I can empathize with her in all ways.

She will be passionate, emotionally and physically, she will allow us to get lost within each 
other without restraint.

She will value our time together as precious, even when it's not exclusive and must share it 
with career and friends.

She always will hold in her heart that I care deeply for her and that she is always on my mind 
and in my heart without condition.

She will not consider material gain or accomplishments as a replacement for happiness.

She will be confident within herself and she will lean upon me during times of trouble and when 
she needs support should her confidence sway, knowing full well that I am here for her in all 
ways.

She will understand the fragile nature of my heart, that it is not calloused and what she says 
and does can easily break it, for she has mine in full without compromise and that I always 
remember what is said.

She will stimulate my mind, not forcing me to carry on the conversation by myself and she will 
strive for herself to find things of interest to share with me.

She will be able to be spontaneous at times, yet always consistent in the ways about us where 
it counts in the matter of the heart.

She will want me to be better then I already am, she will appreciate who I am regardless and 
realize, I am always evolving into more of what I should be like a blooming flower. 

She will know we are one, we are a team, not just two people separated by ideals and 
distances of any kind.

She will always be there during times of trouble and during times of joy and I will always be 
able to count on her even when I cannot count on anybody else.

Ok, guys, is this too much to ask for? I personally think not, not if it's true love, it should come naturally, if it's not true love, it will be difficult to impossible to "fake" it.

Comments anybody?


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2009)

When I found out I was gay I made an "Ideal Mate" list similar to yours, except substitute 'she' for 'he'.  This guy I was describing in my list, he was the perfect guy. Did I ever end up finding him?

Hell no!

Instead I found Collin, who although takes me to the heights of happiness, a few more times then I'd like annoys me supremely. He leaves the lights on, he leaves the milk out on the side, he can be manipulative when he wants to be, he's known to be sulky on occasion - he's FAR FROM perfect, but he is mine and I am his, and I'd pick him over any 'list' I had in my mind before. I love the way he's funny, quirky, and kind, but I also accept that he's sometimes lazy, forgetful, and sulky.

OldFashionedGuy, I hope that when you don't even know what's coming, a lovely woman will come and sweep you off your feet... but when you get swept off your feet, you get a little battered and bruised.  Your soul mate is special beyond words and therefore cannot be described using them, before OR after she's left a mark on your heart.


Just my humble yet honest opinion BTW, some people may disagree.



> I personally think not, not if it's true love, it should come naturally, if it's not true love, it will be difficult to impossible to "fake" it.


Hmmm... I do not think 'love' comes naturally. I think that the bulk of love lies in the committment aspect of the relationship. Using my own relationship as an example, I'll give you two scenarios: one was in the early days of my relationship. I was high with euhporia, we went on a romantic dinner where we felt on top of the world. We then went for a walk, holding hands and occassionally kissing and such. The night ended with me going home and staying up all night, buzzing with excitement. This elated, 'high' feeling certainly came naturally.

The second is in our first year of marriage. Collin fell ill and was bed-ridden for the whole day. I had to wait on him because he couldn't even get up, all the time I was tired, frustrated and had crap on my mind. I did it, but it didn't come naturally.

Which seems like it has more true love in it? I'd say the second scenario; I don't think real, deep love comes naturally, I think you have to work at it. Sorry if it seems like I'm bragging about my marriage. But it's just to get my point across.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Nice post, Alex Fider...you make some great points.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I never had a list. But i have heard they are good to have. Although, I knew a girl in college that had a very long list and the man she was engaged to hardly met anything on there. So i dont know that lists do a lot of good. 

Mostly when I was dating I talked to a lot of women, and my sisters, about how they made their marriage work, or what went wrong. because to me it seemed like no matter what one's list was, the spouse would eventually fail to meet it. and then what? So i really wanted to know what happened after that.


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## stumped (May 16, 2008)

I just want to be happy....there are lots of little things that total up to create that happiness...but I don't know that I could make a "list". Every person is different and no one is perfect...its more about finding someone that is perfect for you. I think if you go in with a "list of requirements" you will never find what you are looking for. Just my opinion.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

:iagree:

and I think I would find it disturbing if I found out my husband had a long list of expectations :scratchhead:


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

swedish said:


> :iagree:
> 
> and I think I would find it disturbing if I found out my husband had a long list of expectations :scratchhead:


You'd wonder how many you live up to!  lol


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

If it is anything like the above list, I'd probably fail most of them at one point or another and if I didn't, I'd move to Stepford 

I'll just pretend my husband's list only has 1 thing...great sex...then I'll feel like he's livin' the dream


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

swedish said:


> If it is anything like the above list, I'd probably fail most of them at one point or another and if I didn't, I'd move to Stepford
> 
> I'll just pretend my husband's list only has 1 thing...great sex...then I'll feel like he's livin' the dream


:rofl:


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'm a legend in my own mind 

It's all about confidence, right?!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my ideal mate - someone who doesnt want to cheat on me!


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

swedish said:


> I'm a legend in my own mind
> 
> It's all about confidence, right?!


Confidence is very sexually appealing, so yeah, it would definately help. :smthumbup:



justean said:


> my ideal mate - someone who doesnt want to cheat on me!


You've got, like, 90% of the male population to choose from.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

Alex_Fider said:


> You've got, like, 90% of the male population to choose from.


nah i think your figures are wrong. there is def more than 10 % of the male population that cheat.
and 2 of them were my Husbands and i have married twice.
so im obviously a rubbish catch.
before i did my nurse training i worked as a cashier in safeways.
i know for fact 5 of those men were at it. 2 women caught pregnant by the same bloke and that didnt include his partner at the time . OUCH.
and now i work in a department. that i can also tell you atleast 5men were caught by wives not including those that dont know.
i also have been on the gay circuit and i can also tell you,
the amount of married men who were at it with gay men.


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

justean said:


> nah i think your figures are wrong. there is def more than 10 % of the male population that cheat.
> and 2 of them were my Husbands and i have married twice.
> so im obviously a rubbish catch.
> before i did my nurse training i worked as a cashier in safeways.
> ...


Good greif! :scratchhead: Better make it 75% then.

I am very sorry about your last two husbands.


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

These lists are very good to have, it's not to say your mate should live up to all of them at all, it's to get to the point along communication. I created mine since my so called girlfriend/fiancee would have at least a reference point as to why I was frustrated with her and I encouraged her to create her own.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

OldFashionedGuy,

I don't mean to imply there's anything wrong with putting a lot of thought into what you want from a relationship as I do think it will come back and bite you if you let things slide that really bother you about someone you're dating...but you use the word 'always' several times and as humans we have our up and down moments and most people aren't always able to be supportive, etc.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

justean said:


> so im obviously a rubbish catch.


:wtf:

I don't believe that for a minute...catching rubbish, maybe, but not a rubbish catch


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

swedish said:


> if you let things slide that really bother you about someone you're dating...


On the flipside, though, while you're dating you can't do anything but let things slide. I mean, you can compromise during marriage, but if I was on a date with someone and they said to my face that something about me bothered him, he'd be getting naught but a hug at the door and a phone number with 5 digits.

The rest of what you said was perfect though.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Alex_Fider said:


> On the flipside, though, while you're dating you can't do anything but let things slide. I mean, you can compromise during marriage, but if I was on a date with someone and they said to my face that something about me bothered him, he'd be getting naught but a hug at the door and a phone number with 5 digits.
> 
> The rest of what you said was perfect though.


I agree with you there...I didn't mean to imply you should share everything that bothers you, but know in advance what your core values are and know when to move on...

Now you reminded me why I don't miss the whole dating thing:

This woman I met through a friend from work tried to fix me up with her neighbor. He came to my house in a Corvette and had the matching satin Corvette jacket, not my thing, but I let that slide. A few days later I was talking to my friend from work who clued me in that the reason he divorced was because he and his wife started swinging with the woman that set us up and her husband...and she and this guy decided to continue one-on-one after that....then I started to question whether she fixed us up for him or her or what?! Anyway, that was my cue to move on!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

OldFashionedGuy said:


> These lists are very good to have, it's not to say your mate should live up to all of them at all, .


i just wish that the one expectation from the list that i truly believed in,
FAITHFULNESS, was the only one on my list that i ever wanted and i never got.
yet i was and remain always faithful .


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## Guest (Jan 23, 2009)

swedish said:


> I agree with you there...I didn't mean to imply you should share everything that bothers you, but know in advance what your core values are and know when to move on...
> 
> Now you reminded me why I don't miss the whole dating thing:
> 
> This woman I met through a friend from work tried to fix me up with her neighbor. He came to my house in a Corvette and had the matching satin Corvette jacket, not my thing, but I let that slide. A few days later I was talking to my friend from work who clued me in that the reason he divorced was because he and his wife started swinging with the woman that set us up and her husband...and she and this guy decided to continue one-on-one after that....then I started to question whether she fixed us up for him or her or what?! Anyway, that was my cue to move on!


Lol, there are dodgey ones out there! 

I did enjoy dating though.  Yeah marriage is better but dating has its merits!


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

justean said:


> i just wish that the one expectation from the list that i truly believed in,
> FAITHFULNESS, was the only one on my list that i ever wanted and i never got.
> yet i was and remain always faithful .


You would think that as not being such a hard task at all, and in reality through my own experiences, I'm finding some strange things going on. When I am totally single, not dating anybody, I guess I project that, and the ladies seem to sense it and think there may be something wrong with me. When I'm not, it changes and I get almost direct solicitations from them. In the face of temptation, I am an odd creature not to succumb to, yet clearly I can see how it can be hard for some if not many guys not to give in. 

It's a major ego boost to have some pretty girl show interest in us, it's how far we allow it that is where the line is crossed. There are a lot of women out there that only want what they cannot have and they can be aggressive about it. The game being played here, if you are like me where I don't know all of the rules can become sticky. In the past, where I thought I was just being me, not trying to mislead, in fact was taken completely wrong and they thought my interests went beyond a simple conversation. I can attest to the other night, where I decided to hang out with some friends to play pool, and towards the end of the night, some girl got really aggressive and was pressing up against me, I did not recipicate, yet it still was an ego boost, be it, I was not sure if my current relationship was even valid, I didn't want to take that chance regardless, even though I knew full well, I'd be leery to get involved with someone that I met in a pub, much less someone that was that aggressive.

I hope this helps along insight, I am in no way looking for someone, yet that is what I face, it's when the guy is actively looking for someone, that clearly means he's crossing the line in a big way and really should not be involved in a relationship.

I can give you some advice here you and the rest of the ladies will find most interesting. The quiet, shy guy is also the loyal type, once you get past that exterior, that wall, you will find something much greater then you can imagine. He has the same aspirations, the same goals, the same degree of complexity, if not more then the typical extravert, he just needs a chance to show it. If you can pick up on that you are going to find a wealth of quality men that are most worthy of your time. Yes, you will have to take some initiative, yes you will have to go out of your way to make him feel like you are safe to approach, the reward is more then worth it though and you will get total and complete loyalty in the process. I know this because I was rather shy with the opposite sex when it came to intimacy of any kind, now, I can step outside of myself here, knowing full well that barrier need not be there, but most guys in these cases never get to that point, so remain overlooked by most of the ladies.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

OldFashionedGuy said:


> . The quiet, shy guy is also the loyal type, once you get past that exterior, that wall, you will find something much greater then you can imagine.


that was a nice read. im a little down at the moment, 
so if im depressing n e 1 with my posts LMK.
but i am actually that person who broke down the walls of the shy guys and i stil do. i know what loyal is.
in school i went around with the boys (tom boy) who were classed as the outsiders. i saw no favouritism and found they were the nicest of the bunch.
no big i am's, or ive got this or got that. no bragging or bigheads. no best of everything .actually cleverer than most of us lot. some geniuses. 
unfortunately if you dont have a connection with someone, you establish whats right or wrong for you.
if i'd have had a connection with them, i might have gone out with them. but friendship relationships were established and i stil have those friendship connections with them, if i see them out now.
IF IM OFF THE TOPIC, SORRY.
but one more thing - this is because i dont know how to start a thread. 
but the girls and boys in school, who were the elite of the class and school. the real stunners in school - well most of them i found went to the dogs and the boys same thing. look 10 yrs older than what they should be.
the ugly ducklings as we were seen, became the swans.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

swedish said:


> I'm a legend in my own mind


*Swedish*, You're a legend in everybody's mind


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

justean said:


> so im obviously a rubbish catch.


You have one of the biggest hearts on the forum, and...
And... you sex drive is beyond the wildest dreams of most men  
You're the only woman I know who takes sex for a headache


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## Guest (Jan 24, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> *Swedish*, You're a legend in everybody's mind


There was no mention of sex at all in your post. 

Imposter!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> You have one of the biggest hearts on the forum, and...
> And... you sex drive is beyond the wildest dreams of most men
> You're the only woman I know who takes sex for a headache


thanks mark , your an angel. 
and on the mark (literally) for the headache remedy..
but honestly it really works.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Alex_Fider said:


> There was no mention of sex at all in your post.
> 
> Imposter!


Swedish is easily overexcited, we have to pick our words carefully


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

justean said:


> that was a nice read. im a little down at the moment,
> so if im depressing n e 1 with my posts LMK.
> but i am actually that person who broke down the walls of the shy guys and i stil do. i know what loyal is.
> in school i went around with the boys (tom boy) who were classed as the outsiders. i saw no favouritism and found they were the nicest of the bunch.
> ...


I so agree with you there, I too was one of the so called outsiders, I never really fit into any one nich and I too see exactly what you mean along the popular kids turning out to be real duds; It seems that they peaked during high school and that is the best they will ever be, sad really when it comes down to it.

I did manage to finally break down my own walls to a point, I am not that same shy guy as before, yet you will still find me drawing in the back of the room from time to time (yes some I am's, lol). Too often though we do find ourselves not wanting to risk losing a friendship when it can be so much more, and in fact, in too many cases, we'll hang onto one in hopes it turns out to be more, yet never make that push forward with it to the next stage. It is very good to start out as friends, for if the relationship is not built upon friendship and trust it's foundation is weak, you would never want to hurt your friend and cheating would very much do just that. You might want to put some thought into this, mr. right may be within your own circle of friends, you just haven't realized it yet.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

old fashioned guy - if thats the case - im gonna have to turn lesbian.


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

justean said:


> old fashioned guy - if thats the case - im gonna have to turn lesbian.


The company you keep says a lot about you. Unless, of course you are referencing that you only have girl friends. :rofl:


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

OldFashionedGuy said:


> The company you keep says a lot about you. :rofl:


ive ad enough of the male species
for the moment.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> Swedish is easily overexcited, we have to pick our words carefully


:bounce: who me?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

justean said:


> ive ad enough of the male species
> for the moment.


At one point, I had this idea to start lesbian island and move there...no men allowed...but every man that found out about it wanted to come along...squashed that fantasy for me...but that's okay, I'm feeling better about the male species now...feel free to borrow the fantasy if it helps you through this slump


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

It's a line and tactic she's using on me Swedish, and no I am not going to play the mr. can I make it all right for you card, that we aren't all bad....... I could just as easily say that with the women that have taken me for a ride, I don't because I know they are not all the same and I don't need sympathy.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I've seen it all over the forums here (myself included) that people will build up 'walls' to protect themselves emotionally if they've been hurt in the past. For me, letting that go was what brought me peace and happiness. 

In the dating scene, I would think it's important once things get more serious, to figure out whether it's a barrier holding the person back from being able to fully give themselves in a relationship, or just being smart, cautious in an online relationship. I met my husband online, but went from emails to phone calls to a few months later, meeting in person, but we lived about an hour from one another so we could take things slow.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

swedish said:


> At one point, I had this idea to start lesbian island and move there...no men allowed...but every man that found out about it wanted to come along...squashed that fantasy for me...but that's okay, I'm feeling better about the male species now...feel free to borrow the fantasy if it helps you through this slump


:rofl:


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

swedish said:


> I've seen it all over the forums here (myself included) that people will build up 'walls' to protect themselves emotionally if they've been hurt in the past. For me, letting that go was what brought me peace and happiness.


I never put up a barrier deliberately; I thought I was the most open guy on the planet. Eventually I realised that I was what is know in the psycho-jargon as "heavily armoured". In other words, I never let anything get to me, and I kept everyone at a distance. I felt OK most of the time, but I later realised that was because I was feeling almost *nothing*. Apart form sex of course  Did I mention the sex?

Nowadays, I have these things called emotions... Hmmm 

So I have moved on a bit from those days, but still have further to go.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> So I have moved on a bit from those days, but still have further to go.


I can relate to that one--it's not an easy thing to change.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

swedish said:


> I can relate to that one--it's not an easy thing to change.


In my case, my barriers have nothing to do with my wife, and everything to do with my childhood.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

justean said:


> i just wish that the one expectation from the list that i truly believed in,
> FAITHFULNESS, was the only one on my list that i ever wanted and i never got.
> yet i was and remain always faithful .



I hear that! It seems that is too much to even ask for.....


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