# VAR successes



## MichinCC (Sep 30, 2014)

I keep seeing comments about people who have successfully caught their WS with VARs and that is so PI cool. Out of curiosity, anyone with a VAR success story: how long did you have to use the VAR before you got your evidence? Was it one you kept in the vehicle or hidden in the house? :nerd:


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

There are a few stories on here where the var caught a spouse cheating. One it only took 1 day and he caught his wife.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I put one in my Ex's car. It wasn't the smoking gun evidence I was really looking for. I planted it after their sexual affair was over, but they were still talking on the phone quite a bit. The conversations I got were clearly friendly, but it wasn't clear that they were sexually intimate I believed his lie that it was an EA, until I found a hotel receipt marked CASH in his briefcase.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Frankly, it is not PI cool.

I used a VAR. She found it every time that I put it in the house.

She never found it in the car and I caught her having sex in the car.

I will reiterate what weightlifter has warned and I will paraphrase what he has said in the past, "DON"T LISTEN TO IT. GET SOMEONE ELSE TO LISTEN TO IT"

It was February 2013. My wife said she had to work on a Tuesday to make up for what she did not finish on Monday. I have been to where she worked as a hairdresser in a nursing home. I sat with her while she worked as she would ask me to come to work with her and I would if I had the time. I saw her appointment book many times and she would have me fill out appointment cards for the nursing home residents. She never once came in to do hair on her off days, never. She stayed till she was finished, and if a resident missed their appointment it would have to wait till her next scheduled work day and she had set days that she worked.

So when she told me she had to go in on a Tuesday to make up for Monday, it made no sense to me, so I put a VAR in her car that morning.

Listening to that recording still lingers in my mind, they had sex three times, in about 2 hours or so in our Jeep Grand Cherokee, in parking lot at a community park, near where the XOM worked.

Sorry if I come across as a little peaved, but it is not PI COOL, it was and still is mental h*ll, just being reminded of it.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Median is a week or so.

Note. It is for getting ahead of the cheater and not for court room. It's not admissible the vast majority of the time.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> Median is a week or so.
> 
> Note. It is for getting ahead of the cheater and not for court room. It's not admissible the vast majority of the time.



In my state it was and still is illegal to record a person without consent. If I am present I can record without the other person being told. If I am not present it is not legal.

Having said that, I had an attorney friend warn me about it and I could have cared less.

In my state, if my wife would have made an issue of it, then it would have been admissible and she did not want to go there, per her attorney. My attorney was hoping she would make a case of it, because it would have been transcribed into the record, and my attorney's advice was that the judge would not have made a big case of it, concerning me doing something illegal. My attorney knew the judge (we only had one judge who presided over these matters).


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> In my state it was and still is illegal to record a person without consent. If I am present I can record without the other person being told. If I am not present it is not legal.
> 
> Having said that, I had an attorney friend warn me about it and I could have cared less.
> 
> In my state, if my wife would have made an issue of it, then it would have been admissible and she did not want to go there, per her attorney. My attorney was hoping she would make a case of it, because it would have been transcribed into the record, and my attorney's advice was that the judge would not have made a big case of it, concerning me doing something illegal. My attorney knew the judge (we only had one judge who presided over these matters).


Most of divorce has little to do with admissible evidence and more calling someones bluff or using "the truth" to get a deal done it seems.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

MichinCC said:


> I keep seeing comments about people who have successfully caught their WS with VARs and that is so PI cool. Out of curiosity, anyone with a VAR success story: how long did you have to use the VAR before you got your evidence? Was it one you kept in the vehicle or hidden in the house? :nerd:


I had one on the land line in the house.

I suspected something going on, an EA. I actually caught the the affair just before (the night before) it was going to be a PA because of the VAR.
she was setting up a date with OM for the first time, using her toxic friend (which knew about the EA) as a cover to go to dinner her when it was to be with OM at his house.
The toxic friend is completely out of the picture now.

did full exposure (except our son) It killed the affair.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I caught my STBXWW screwing the OM on its first use. She's quite pissed at me for spying on her and still periodically chews me out for doing it. Oh well.

Edit: Forgot to answer the other part of the question. It was in the house not the car.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Frankly, it is not PI cool.
> 
> I used a VAR. She found it every time that I put it in the house.
> 
> ...


I agree with Thorburn, and I am sure anyone who has actually had to buy and plant a VAR for this purpose felt sick to their stomach. Listening to your life falling apart is NOT PI COOL, it sucks.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> I caught my STBXWW screwing the OM on its first use. She's quite pissed at me for spying on her and still periodically chews me out for doing it. Oh well.


Yeah, because HOW DARE YOU do anything to uncover the truth w/ respect to why your wife of 20+ years is all of a sudden pushing for divorce w/o providing any sort of tangible reason w/ respect to _why_.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> I caught my STBXWW screwing the OM on its first use. She's quite pissed at me for spying on her and still periodically chews me out for doing it. Oh well.


Oh, and by the way, @Bananapeel... if you're looking to shut this down, something like this may help...

"Look, unless you want me to bring up the fact that you lied about wanting a divorce but there being no one else ALONG WITH the fact that you brought another man INTO OUR HOME and f*cked him, you can just shut the f*ck up. Your lies and the truth go hand-in-hand, and if you're dead set on bringing up the measures that I was forced to take in order to uncover the truth with respect the impending implosion of our marriage AND the resultant disruption to our children's lives, I'll return the favor and throw both your lies and your unrepentant slorishness right back in your face."


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Oh, and by the way, @Bananapeel... if you're looking to shut this down, something like this may help...
> 
> "Look, unless you want me to bring up the fact that you lied about wanting a divorce but there being no one else ALONG WITH the fact that *you brought another man INTO OUR HOME and f*cked him, you can just shut the f*ck up.* Your lies and the truth go hand-in-hand, and if you're dead set on bringing up the measures that I was forced to take in order to uncover the truth with respect the impending implosion of our marriage AND the resultant disruption to our children's lives, I'll return the favor and throw both your lies and your unrepentant slorishness right back in your face."


I like this very much

If it is too long you can just use the bolded part


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

convert said:


> I like this very much
> 
> *If it is too long* you can just use the bolded part


LOL. Nice jab.


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

I had almost immediate success (if you want to call finding out your wife is cheating a success) with a VAR. My first wife used our landline at the house. Never her cell. I just connected the VAR to the incoming phone line and I could record any incoming or outgoing call. I just downloaded to my computer. I found out on the second day that she was having an affair, had had an affair the previous year, and that her 2 best friends were cheating on their husbands as well. Lol. Using the VAR, I was always one step ahead of my ex. I paid a visit to the boyfriend and that affair ended. To this day my ex doesn't know how I got all my info. I have 5 good friends who are cops. One is a detective. She thinks it was one of my friends who either tailed her boyfriend or got all my info. I only actually told one of my cop friends. He told me it wasn't admissible in court. But then he told me he wished he'd had a VAR when he suspected his ex of cheating.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

ClairesDad said:


> I just connected the VAR to the incoming phone line and I could record any incoming or outgoing call. I just downloaded to my computer.


what device did you use to hook it to the phone line? or do you mean you just had it in the room?


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

I couldn't tell you the brand or anything. It's been over 7 years. That thing is long gone. Bought it on some spy gear website. Easy to install. Phone line came into the house to a splitter, I guess you would call it. I disconnected the incoming phone line and connected it to the VAR. From the VAR I connected a small phone line back into the splitter. Anytime a call came in or went out the VAR was activated. I connected the VAR by USB to my computer and the software to listen to conversations and to store them were downloaded. Pretty easy. Funny thing is, early on my ex suspected I was recording her. I actually heard a conversation between her and one of her girlfriends while she was looking for a recording device. My ex was never tech savvy.

After my divorce from my first wife, we "reconciled" for a couple months. I used the VAR again. And within 2 months found her cheating again. Some people, it's just in their nature.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

ClairesDad said:


> Using the VAR, I was always one step ahead of my ex. I paid a visit to the boyfriend and that affair ended. *To this day my ex doesn't know how I got all my info. I have 5 good friends who are cops. One is a detective. She thinks it was one of my friends who either tailed her boyfriend or got all my info.* I only actually told one of my cop friends. He told me it wasn't admissible in court. But then he told me he wished he'd had a VAR when he suspected his ex of cheating.


This is what you want. Let them assume that you must have had a PI investigating them and it will make them crazy wondering what you know. Telling them your methods and all that you know does them a huge favor. With that they can better tailor their story and know where they are safe.

*RULE: Never tell your methods or all that you know.
*


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## Bob Davis (Nov 5, 2014)

The device that ClairesDad used probably plugged into the incoming land line telephone box outside of the house. There's a receptacle or two in there for the telephone linemen. This sort of interception outside of the house is likely not possible with telephone systems that use something like VOIP. Although surely there must be something that would attach to the dsl modem in this case.

I'm tempted to get a var just for the purpose of recording conversations with my wife. I want to listen to the craziness that goes on sometimes (not all the time, just sometimes) to see if it sounds as crazy later as it does in the moment. I saw some at Amazon that are the size of a USB memory stick, and were only about $25.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

ClairesDad said:


> I had almost immediate success (if you want to call finding out your wife is cheating a success) with a VAR. My first wife used our landline at the house. Never her cell. I just connected the VAR to the incoming phone line and I could record any incoming or outgoing call. I just downloaded to my computer. I found out on the second day that she was having an affair, had had an affair the previous year, and that her 2 best friends were cheating on their husbands as well. Lol. Using the VAR, I was always one step ahead of my ex. I paid a visit to the boyfriend and that affair ended. To this day my ex doesn't know how I got all my info. I have 5 good friends who are cops. One is a detective. She thinks it was one of my friends who either tailed her boyfriend or got all my info. I only actually told one of my cop friends. He told me it wasn't admissible in court. But then he told me he wished he'd had a VAR when he suspected his ex of cheating.


Gawd. It's an epidemic. Gotta say, I really enjoy being divorced and single. How can you ever trust anyone?


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

Healer said:


> Gawd. It's an epidemic. Gotta say, I really enjoy being divorced and single. How can you ever trust anyone?


I know what you're saying. I find myself looking at seemingly happy couples and my first thought is that one of them is cheating or will cheat. Kind of clouds my outlook at future relationships. I do have a lady friend that I like a lot and we enjoy each others company. But at 50 I don't think I could ever get married again. Plus, I really like having my own place. Just me and my kids. Don't think I ever want to give this up.


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

Bob Davis said:


> The device that ClairesDad used probably plugged into the incoming land line telephone box outside of the house. There's a receptacle or two in there for the telephone linemen. This sort of interception outside of the house is likely not possible with telephone systems that use something like VOIP. Although surely there must be something that would attach to the dsl modem in this case.
> 
> I'm tempted to get a var just for the purpose of recording conversations with my wife. I want to listen to the craziness that goes on sometimes (not all the time, just sometimes) to see if it sounds as crazy later as it does in the moment. I saw some at Amazon that are the size of a USB memory stick, and were only about $25.


The device connected to a phone line inside my house. I was able to record any conversation on any landline phone that was in use in the house. I can't remember if it was VOIP, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't. One thing I will say about using this VAR is that got sickeningly addictive. I would get home from work every morning and listen to all the s**t my wife was saying about me and talking about her boyfriend. I didn't know this woman. And we'd been together almost 18 years at this point.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ClairesDad said:


> I know what you're saying. *I find myself looking at seemingly happy couples and my first thought is that one of them is cheating or will cheat.* Kind of clouds my outlook at future relationships. I do have a lady friend that I like a lot and we enjoy each others company. But at 50 I don't think I could ever get married again. Plus, I really like having my own place. Just me and my kids. Don't think I ever want to give this up.


Same here.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

ClairesDad said:


> One thing I will say about using this VAR is that got *sickeningly addictive*. I would get home from work every morning and listen to all the s**t my wife was saying about me and talking about her boyfriend. I didn't know this woman. And we'd been together almost 18 years at this point.


Very true.

I got the same way when I got hold of my wife's emails to her AP. The high school love/sex talk I could deal with, but her and the AP written attacks on me and our "marriage" cut to the bone. 

It was like a horrible train wreck that I could look away from.

How many times have I (we) thought... "Who is this person?"


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## Todi (Aug 5, 2013)

1st night... Tonight. Learned she met the coworker and they kissed several times. In the midst of R for the last four months.... We are for SURE divorcing now... I'm destroyed... Happy to have concrete evidence though.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Todi

Don't give up any evidence.

Just give up your wife.

Sorry she turned into such a disappointment.

HM


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm sorry Todi. That sucks.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

ClairesDad said:


> I and that her 2 best friends were cheating on their husbands as well.


Did you by chance call her two best friends husbands to let them know that they have a skank for a wife?


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

snerg said:


> Did you by chance call her two best friends husbands to let them know that they have a skank for a wife?


In the midst of your pain, have some compassion for the other two husbands & somehow discretely let them know to start monitoring.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MichinCC said:


> I keep seeing comments about people who have successfully caught their WS with VARs and that is so PI cool. Out of curiosity, anyone with a VAR success story: how long did you have to use the VAR before you got your evidence? Was it one you kept in the vehicle or hidden in the house? :nerd:


Considering the state of things before most people consider a VAR, it usually doesn't take long. My ex was showing all of the red flags and when I got a VAR, it took one day. This was 1994 and what I got was a recorder that I spliced into the phone line under the house. There were no cell phones back then .


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

snerg said:


> Did you by chance call her two best friends husbands to let them know that they have a skank for a wife?


They both eventually found out, but not from me. I held onto the information in case I needed to use it. Never did need to. One husband found out. They separated and eventually reconciled. They're still married. The other guy found out too, but he's stupid and a cuckold and lets his wife f**k around on him just so she doesn't leave him. He's pathetic. But they're still married. Lol


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> This is what you want. Let them assume that you must have had a PI investigating them and it will make them crazy wondering what you know. Telling them your methods and all that you know does them a huge favor. With that they can better tailor their story and know where they are safe.
> 
> *RULE: Never tell your methods or all that you know.
> *


*It's a whole lot like playing championship poker ~ you've got to keep all of your cards held so very close to your vest; and never ever talk shop during the course of a game!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MichinCC (Sep 30, 2014)

Thanks all for sharing your stories. Very interesting. I wouldn't have imagined it working that quickly. To all who were upset by "PI cool," I do apologize. All I meant by that was that it is an intriguing method to obtain the upper hand from the cheaters who probably think they are invincible, not that it's cool to find out that information.


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