# so confused!!!



## minimix (Mar 12, 2013)

I have posted on here a couple of times...sorry i haven't linked the threads...i'm a bit computer illiterate!!

My story is long and still ongoing......
I first posted to say that I had had enough of my controlling h..... i spoke with him last oct and was very honest...i have put up with alot over the last 18 years...but when he started on my son...something just clicked and i couldn't do it anymore....
Well..my H hasn't taken this lying down....he has fought tooth and nail for us to remain together....he can't imagine his life without me..he said he would move back to the UK (we live in abroard) and therefore he would not see his children!!....everything has been said and we have gone through many rocky months....
It all came to a head last month.....and i really had got to the point (or i thought) of no-return....but he refused to go back to work....and said that he had to stay for his marriage to survive...(he took time off sick).
The point of my post is.... although he has changed dramatically, i still cannot find the lust/want for him... i find it hard to be intimate with him...he is very touchy feely at the moment and wants kisses and touches all the time and i understand that his confidence has been knocked and this is why....but i am finding it so hard.....to reciprocate.....i just don't want it
then this morning....we had a tiny disagreement...in the last few months we have had no disagreements at all....typically it was over money as he is very controlling over that also..if i had a £1 for every time he said we have to be careful etc etc i would be a rich woman....he hates me being on the internet because he thinks i will spend money etc..so he is constantly looking over my shoulder..well this morning he said again.....we must be carefull..and for once I said 'look i know we must be careful..I am not a child.....' after all i am the one who checks the bank etc and pays the bills...he turned round and said 'why is it you always disagree with me...and then threaten divorce and we end up being how we were 2 weeks ago!!!!!'
what......i hadn't mentioned divorce...i just was reiterating that i understand we can't spend spend spend.....
i was left deflated again....i can't say anything to him at all without it being thrown back in my face
i have to live a life of submission and quiet desperation....
help:scratchhead:


----------



## Battleworn (Jun 24, 2013)

I wouldn't expect the attraction to come flooding back. There is a reason you wanted to be apart from him and it doesn't actually look like he has changed much. To me, someone who is controlling or condescending is unattractive because in an attempt to look alpha, they are really just covering up insecurities. My dad is that way and he is so transparent he may as well be a ziploc baggie full of poop! 
Anyway, it doesn't seem like much time has passed for you to be able to tell if the changes will stick, but maybe y'all could have a talk and come up with a way to gently let him know when he starts to slide back into the controlling role. That will also give you more power. You don't need to feel trapped. That will not make your marriage happy, and you will continue to not be attracted to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I feel like a broken record here. 

Look...if you want out, then GET OUT. You dont need his permission! I have been in your shoes, and sometimes no matter how much you want your feelings to be different, they are what they are, and fighting it only makes you miserable. Controlling people dont usually change for real, only long enough for you to keep your hopes up. So, if you are done, GET OUT.


----------

