# Texting When is to much?



## Kasme (Sep 27, 2010)

Hey I am curious on texting? When is to much that you have to say something to your spouse? I know my wife texts a lot to her girlfriends and guy friends. I feel it is to much, i recently looked at my bill and noticed an easy 3000 texts and then maybe another 3000 bbm messages? Am I out of line if i say something, and i feel like she will say that you are spying on me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

One could be too much, depending on the content. A million could be fine if the content is completely innocent. When is it too much? When the texts violate intimacy between you two. If something traumatic or significant happens in her life and her first reaction is to tell a man other than you, it's too much. If these texts reveal private details which should remain between you two, it's too much. If she's leaning on someone else for her primary emotional support, it's a problem.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Do you know who she's texting? Can you see which numbers she texts most frequently? Do you see her texting a lot, or does she hide it from you?

Forget where I heard this, but anyone who is texting that much is either a high school kid or is someone having an affair.

Seems excessive to me...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't text at all, but personally would think that women do this obsessively many times but that MEN dont' -unless they are interested in that particular woman, so if she is getting a ton of texts back from a man-- Red flag!


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## Confused Love (Dec 29, 2010)

I text a lot...I don't know about 3000 in a month, but a lot. It only is a problem with my hubby when its during time together. Unless it's like what Unbelievable described, I don't think there is anything wrong. Sounds like she has a lot of friends!


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## Confused Love (Dec 29, 2010)

I do think if you are concerned about it, doing what NiceGuy said about checking the numbers and seeing who she is texting the most.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Confused Love said:


> I do think if you are concerned about it, doing what NiceGuy said about checking the numbers and seeing who she is texting the most.


When I went through this I was so surprised because I RARELY saw her texting. So to see 2,000 texts on our first bill - seemed obvious she was hiding something from me.


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## Confused Love (Dec 29, 2010)

Wow, niceguy, I'm sorry. That must of been a bummer, to say the least. 

I do think texting is a very easy way to hide something as it usually gets looked at as invasion of privacy for the SO to want to know who and what you are texting. (Once in a while not so much) I have not experienced that personally and I really don't think my husband has it in him to even know when another woman is flirting with him, so it doesn't really cross my mind. Could be slightly naive on my part. Heh. I would definitely check the numbers if you are concerned and from there determine if more questions need to be asked.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It really depends on who she's texting and what it's about. 3000 in a month is about an average of 100 per day, and on our plan, it includes received texts, so that might not all be her. 

My boyfriend and I don't text each other a lot, but the last couple of days we have. Between us yesterday, we sent about 25 texts back and forth in less than two hours, so sending 100 back and forth in a day doesn't seem too unreasonable. 

If it's bothering you, then talk to her about it. If you feel that she's texting too much, figure out why you feel that and explain it to her. If she's not doing anything wrong, then she should be open to hearing you out about your concerns. If she gets really angry or upset, then I would be very suspicious.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Kasme said:


> Hey I am curious on texting? When is to much that you have to say something to your spouse?


Too much? Pick any number really. 

The real issue, if you are bothered even in the slightest, why not say something? 

"Holding back" your opinion on your woman's behavior, all that does is build resentment inside you, and make your woman tink you don't care what she is doing or she is not important enough to you for you to step up and express your jealousy.

My wife of 21 years, I have no reason in the world to be concerned or to suspect her of cheating, yet believe me, not a week goes by I do not comment on someting about her texting, or her time spent online, in one way or another to remind her I am needing to be "watching her" and I am very suspicious of her and "all her boyfriends". 

Unnerstand this is humor, and she laughs it off or playfully slaps me or something similar, but also see this is communicated my jealousy, my attention to her, and willingness to stand for myself and stand up to her. 

Being willing to speak my mind and confront my woman on any issue, even before it is an issue, this elimates the resentment in the relationship, resentment that will come when we hold inside what we should be expressing. 

No matter the words she may or may not use, a woman is flattered by this kind of attention from her man. Take that to the bank. 



> I know my wife texts a lot to her girlfriends and guy friends.


Guy friends? 



> I feel it is to much, i recently looked at my bill and noticed an easy 3000 texts and then maybe another 3000 bbm messages?


If it is too much, then for sure say something.

You don't have to be a jerk either. Be humorous, be creative, or just simply be blunt. 

Regardless, be confident that your concern is legitimate, your feelings on the matter are important, and that's that.



> Am I out of line if i say something,


Out of line? She's your wife, not your mother.

Hell yes say someting! 



> and i feel like she will say that you are spying on me.


So what?

What she says maybe one ting, but what she feels is another.

You continue to be afraid to speak your mind, she feels you are not caring enough about her.

You speak your mind, she feels like she is important enough to you for you to fight for her.

The man that demonstrates he is willing to fight for his woman, this man will have the woman that is feeling loved, protected, and sexually desired.

The man that is unwilling to demonstrate he is willing to fight for his woman, VERY miserable is both this man and his woman!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

BigBadWolf said:


> You continue to be afraid to speak your mind, she feels you are not caring enough about her.
> 
> You speak your mind, she feels like she is important enough to you for you to fight for her.
> 
> ...


LOVE it ! Absolute truth !! :iagree:


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## totallyatloss (Dec 30, 2010)

Not to jump your thread, but I too am having difficulty with this issue. My wife texts her friends excessively 50 a day on an average, now she has sprint and sprint does not show you the number you text, just a running total. Now I will not lie we have had a bad last few months, so I am feeling a little insecure about our relationship. I read these forums and try to utilize the information to the best of my ability.

Now I know my wife texts one particular guy friend the most, and have even discovered she deletes the threads. She assures me he she is not interested in him that way and she loves me. Not so sure I believe her though. 

We are currently looking to buy a home, we generally have sex 2-3 times a week (she works graveyards at a clinic twice a week). Now my wife has never been the most affectionate woman either.

One of my issues is she will call me on the phone and talk to me a bit at work and then say she is going to lay down, go to the gym or go to work an I will see her text total go up 10-12 in span off 30 minutes after or that she called this friend for a few minutes. 

Since we had are own cell phones when we meet we have different companies, I have her log on information (obtained from post it on her desk one day) to her account, but I am sure she does not know this. So I am scared of making things worse by confronting her with it.

Now several months ago I did come across an email he sent her confessing his love for her over the last 13 years. I confronted her about it and she said that did not matter to her and she deleted the email. Not sure I believe her, but she delete the email.

She gets defensive when I bring her relationship up with him and assures me she is with me and loves me, and gives me several reasons even down to yellow teeth as reasons they would never have a relationship like that. 

She will get angry if he copies her styles or activities, I guess I am just not understanding any of this.....


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

totallyatloss said:


> One of my issues is she will call me on the phone and talk to me a bit at work and then say she is going to lay down, go to the gym or go to work an I will see her text total go up 10-12 in span off 30 minutes after or that she called this friend for a few minutes.
> 
> Since we had are own cell phones when we meet we have different companies, I have her log on information (obtained from post it on her desk one day) to her account, but I am sure she does not know this. So I am scared of making things worse by confronting her with it.


We have sprint. The thing you need to keep in mind about Sprint is that it does not update instantly. For us, the text totals update about 2-4 hours after they are sent. So while you see the total going up a half hour or so after she says she's going to bed, that total is from texts she sent or received a few hours earlier.


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## totallyatloss (Dec 30, 2010)

I was unaware of that. Another issue is out of 50 texts a day maybe 7-8 are to me. Now I don't want my wife to be up my ass nor do I want to be up hers, but I never hear about the text or what the subject was or who it was to. 

I guess what i am saying is if you are having a conversation with someone surely something was said that she may want to bring up to me just as "this is what so and so said" or guess what happened to so and so today. Wouldn't you think?


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## totallyatloss (Dec 30, 2010)

Oh and I almost forgot she flips if women text me. For instance a buddy of mine and his GF are having problems so they both kind of talk to me and this sets her off pretty bad.


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

I don't have much in the way of advice. Just commisseration. My husband is very concerned about my text messages and online activity after misinterpreting emails from a guy from a support board I've been on. Since then, he snoops in my laptop and blackberry when I'm not around. I have nothing to hide, so while I'm irritated by it, I'm not changing passwords or anything like that. Meanwhile, he is texting people all the time...and some of them are women (usually the women his friends are/have been dating) and he is offended that I'm concerned about his. Keep in mind, that I didn't worry so much about his activity until he totally blew up over the emails from a guy (that I cut off contact with, by the way) even though he saw my emails back and saw nothing in my words to be concerned with. That makes me worry that he's projecting his own possibly nefarious activity onto me.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

IDK--i text a lot my mom, his mom, my h, our friend...depends on the month...some months i text my h for a bout 1 week, some months its 10 a day[when hes at work].

we do pics and messages. we have phone plans that are unlimited so we feel like text away...send all the pics you can. we send pics of tv, or food in stores.

my mom really dosent even call me she will text me for the next hour instead of calling, and MIL, we tag [a message chain mail] a few times a week.

i think its a prob if nobodys in contact with you, and its one or two people in particualr whom are of the oppisite sex....
if not, and its not interfering with one on one time...who cares. do they tell you all the gossip?? if so you are in the loop.


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

Man, all these people who are so obsessed with their spouse's emails, text messages etc.! I text all day long to lots of people, friends and husband, child, clients. I email all day too!! Numbers mean nothing, it's the content.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

My daughter used to be on our cell plan...and one month she had a hair over 10,000 texts. Kid you not. I had to call them and make sure it wasn't an error. Thank goodness for unlimited text and picture messaging.
I average around 3,000. And that's just texting family. I don't have men friends. That's just me. It all depends WHAT is in the text, not how many there are, imho.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

totallyatloss said:


> Oh and I almost forgot she flips if women text me. For instance a buddy of mine and his GF are having problems so they both kind of talk to me and this sets her off pretty bad.


i also "council" a good friend, hes my husbands friend, and became good friends with me. but i tell my husband all we talk about.

i have no allience with the random broads he picks up and "dates". does your wife{?} i dont recall if you have said], know whats going on?? if you make her a part of it, she will object less. plus if he gets serious with this girl, the 4 of you will spend time together. tell hes girl you can only help so much, you are not a chick and there fore dont know certain things, buuut here is somebody who can help from a womens prospective.

we are always passing the phone back and forth when he has girl probs. maybe if she is just kept in the loop, she will start not to care when she calls.

hope im not over stepping my bounds...


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

major misfit--- did you say TEN THOUSAND TEXTS? that beats all...i thought my teenage daughter texts alot, but i guess she is not the winner of texting!


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Why not ask her to to not delete her texts and show you there is nothing to fear. If she refuses based on privacy....privacy is for the bathroom not texting or conversations with other people. Call your carrier - you can get detailed billing on texts which shoould include the phone number except for things like data to Facebook or from the browser. If your really concerned, there are phone spy software available that will send you the texts. As far as male friends are concerned, there is always a high risk of a friendship turning into an emotional affair and then to a PA. In my WS her texting included sexting which when I saw the number of texts to one particular number, I pulled the deleted texts from her phone and found the sexting. Ultimately her "friend" had been having a PA with her for 18 years.


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