# Would you date a person who's been divorced 3 or more times ???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

This person is very good looking and sexy, but has been divorced over 3 times and has 3 young children....

What's your opinion on this ???


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nope. I wouldn't.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Depends on what your goal is. 

Just fun? FWB? Then sure.

Love forever and ever? Probably not.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would be very skeptical. Three failed marriages? More than likely a whole lot more going on with that than he will ever tell you.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I don't think so...


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Unless this person has had the misfortune of meeting 3 cheating/abusive spouses then no


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

No way!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abandonedcompletely (Dec 21, 2011)

Heck no!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Complexity said:


> Unless this person has had the misfortune of meeting 3 cheating/abusive spouses then no


The last one has definitely never been cheating, was never abusive...just didn't meet his high expectations and made dumb financial decisions....


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> The last one has definitely never been cheating, was never abusive...just didn't meet his high expectations and made dumb financial decisions....


then it's hell to the no. 

People like that shouldn't marry, they don't know what marriage is... or love for that matter.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Complexity said:


> then it's hell to the no.
> 
> People like that shouldn't marry, they don't know what marriage is... or love for that matter.


He's been married 10 years to the first one and 4 months (or so) to the second one....

10 years to the last one and has 3 kids with her (one infant)....

Does that change your opinion ???


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The only person it needs to matter to or not is you. What do you want?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> He's been married 10 years to the first one and 4 months (or so) to the second one....
> 
> 10 years to the last one and has 3 kids with her (one infant)....
> 
> Does that change your opinion ???


What ended those marriages? If he as you say has "high expectations" and was unforgiving because of bad financial decisions, then again, this is not a person worthy to be married to or to be loved by. This certainly isn't a person you can fall back on when times get rough. Whatever happened to 

"_to have and to hold, from this day forward, _*for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health*, _until death do us part_"

He sounds like a narcissist and the marriage will generally be a one sided venture of living to appease him. 

No thanks.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

I would probably DATE this person. Loosely.

I would also be very cautious.

I'm not sure I would marry this person, and if I did - it would be after a very very long period of dating.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Common denominator=HIM. 

Not a chance in Hell.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> The only person it needs to matter to or not is you. What do you want?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm ex-wife # 3, Jelly !!!

I was wondering what chances he has in the dating world....

Sounds awful, but I hope all women will think like this and that he will hit rock bottom and realize the grass wasn't greener....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well if you are his ex, stop worrying about him. Live and let live.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Nothing would change my opinion. Anyone willing to fall for this guy/woman could only be desperate and does not know OR love themselves. There are enough warning signs that you are ignoring, as desperate people always ignore the signs. The first one you are ignoring is.......

*has been divorced over 3 times*

The second one you are ignoring is.......

*just didn't meet his high expectations and made dumb financial decisions*

I hope you don't expect he will tell the truth about the divorce. No one ever tells the truth about their former relationships. It's always the other person's fault. Plus, he is telling you he's more demanding than ANYONE can live up to.

And the third thing you are ignoring is.......

*10 years to the first one* and *4 months (or so) to the second one*....

*10 years to the last one*

What makes you even consider this guy? Are you that desperate?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She is his ex wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Sorry, was writing before I saw the last comments. 
My opinion still doesn't change though, but you are mistaken to think there are no desperate women out there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

River1977 said:


> but you are mistaken to think there are no desperate women out there.


So true. Especially if he is charming.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Well if you are his ex, stop worrying about him. Live and let live.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dumb thing is....I still love him....

He's not a bad person, is just going through a lot of sh*t (PTSD, MLC, medical issues like liver failure, high testosterone etc., depression) and feels like he can only be happy and healthy again without me.....

I admit I've made many mistakes in our marriage and am working on getting my life in order, but he doesn't trust that...

He told me he actually went out for lunch with someone else and when he told her his history she said "No thanks" and I was wondering what others would say.....

We were trying to reconcile since January last year (had an unplanned baby in December 2011), but resentment and too little change from me made this a failed attempt.....

We're seperating now but I'm hoping that after some time he will realize that I have changed and am the woman I should have been.....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> So true. Especially if he is charming.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That he is....plus he's a police officer....men in uniform, you know....


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> This person is very good looking and sexy, but has been divorced over 3 times and has 3 young children....
> 
> What's your opinion on this ???


ummm, I would be wanting to know why 3 times, I am looking at divorce #2 very soon (the sooner the better !)


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

rome2012 said:


> Dumb thing is....I still love him....
> 
> He's not a bad person, is just going through a lot of sh*t (PTSD, MLC, medical issues like liver failure, high testosterone etc., depression) and feels like he can only be happy and healthy again without me.....
> 
> ...


I guess my question to you would be why do you have to do all the changing? You've acknowledged your mistakes and you're working on them but what is he doing differently?

I'm a bs who would admittedly take my disloyal back BUT not under any circumstances. I've made changes and will continue to do so but it takes two. You can't do all the changing and he does nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So this is really about you not wanting him to meet anyone so he can end up w you. January 2011 was a long time ago. It sounds like he strung you along and you got pregnant in the process.Let him go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would be cautious of a such a person. But if I liked them otherwise I'd give them some time while dating casually for some time.

There are good people with 3 divorces because they married the wrong person or because some other issue came along.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> ummm, I would be wanting to know why 3 times, I am looking at divorce #2 very soon (the sooner the better !)


Crank, my love :toast:

# 1....she spent all his re-enlistment bonus (one $ 15000 and one $ 20000) while he was gone, totaled his car, etc.....he was young and she was 13 years older and abusive (not just his story, but all of his family tell the same)

# 2....same woman as # 1....she married him the first time under a false name....she's a convicted fellon....and he made the mistake to divorce her and marry her again under her real name....young and dumb at the time....

So ex 1 & 2 are the same person....

# 3.....married for 4 months (if I remember correctly) and got the marriage anulled because he learned that the first divorce (# 1&2) hasn't been final yet....plus she turned out to be controlling and he didn't want to deal with that kinda stuff

# 4....me....I've made a big chunk of debt (thankfully we have seperate accounts and I didn't use his money, but could never contribute to expenses like utilities etc....
I've not taken the opportunity to better myself academically and jobwise which would have been free through the military....
I took him for granted (his words, but I agree)
I let myself go....
He hit a MLC and FB "helped" him distance himself from me further....

We've made the pact that if one ever feels like they wanna be with someone else to end US before starting something else, and I guess that's what he did (EA)....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> So this is really about you not wanting him to meet anyone so he can end up w you.
> 
> Yes, pretty much
> 
> ...


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> I guess my question to you would be why do you have to do all the changing? You've acknowledged your mistakes and you're working on them but what is he doing differently?
> 
> I'm a bs who would admittedly take my disloyal back BUT not under any circumstances. I've made changes and will continue to do so but it takes two. You can't do all the changing and he does nothing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree....I shouldn't be doing all the changing, but I have no control over his behavior...only over mine....

And who knows.....in a year and after a lot of changes on my part, if he'd want to try again, I might not like him all that much anymore.....

But it feels good to know that he might not have it so easy to move on :lol:


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm sorry, is he actually divorced or is he separated?


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

Never mind! Missed a page there


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Hell no! No matter what his spouses were like, 3 failed marriages is just too much.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Rome, it sounds like you want him back but he doesn't feel the same about you. Do not spend your life and waste your years pining over someone who you don't agree on the most basic of things: Whether to be together or not.

It's great you are getting help for yourself. THat shows you want to improve/want to be a better person. Nothing wrong with that. 

If you divorce, he may remarry and he may not. It won't be your problem anymore though.

Would I marry someone with 3 divorces personally? I don't know. Probably not. But that is mainly because I have an aversion to marriage these days (no offense to the married folks on here). 

There are 7 billion people on the planet and the fact is, you are both likely to meet other people post-divorce. That's just the way it goes. Maybe you both remarry, maybe one does, maybe neither of you do.

His stories about his past marriages seem odd to me. Regarding the second wife (that was really his first wife?) that he married under a "different name"--that seems so strange to me. So did he tell you he didn't know she was the same person as he married before? The point is, he had a choice in the matter and chose to remarry her. The one he married for 4 months--how could he have married her if she was already married and not yet divorced? That is not legal nor is it possible. 

It sounds lik ehe blames his exes a lot for his divorces and I haven't seen you mention one thing about him admitting fault in any of his previous failed marriages. That is a red flag. I am wary of anyone who only talks smack about their exes and accepts zero blame/admits to any flaws. I bet if you talked to his exes you'd hear another side.

And yes, he could remarry. You married him knowing he had been married 3x before so it' s possible someone else may marry him knowing the same too.

It's got nothing to do with you. I would get the divorce, file for your child custody/support and be done.

When someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. He's showed for over a year now, he's just not that into you. He wouldn't have been dating other people either if he was really committed to you.

Just saying.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

I wouldn't. Being divorced that many times just tells me he hasn't learned from any mistakes and the same ones are being made over and over.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

...And also that maybe marriage isn't his thing.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Rome:
What is going on with you (independently of him)? What are you doing with/for you? How are things with your children? Tell us more about you and your state of mind. You mentioned "letting yourself go" and "resentment" etc.-----are you okay/on track?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

rome2012 said:


> I agree....I shouldn't be doing all the changing, but I have no control over his behavior...only over mine....
> 
> And who knows.....in a year and after a lot of changes on my part, if he'd want to try again, I might not like him all that much anymore.....
> But it feels good to know that he might not have it so easy to move on :lol:


You aren't drawing from an untainted pool. You are on a MARRIAGE forum asking this. Most people here can see these types of red flags and ultimately know that its a bad idea. 

His chances in the general public? Who knows


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOl at "the general public" comment, Dawn. 

Rome, I think I previous your previous posts now. I thought you had gotten divorced from him and then you both moved back in with one another and he wanted to sleep with you but not be together. Is that you? or another poster? I am confused.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

No way, no how.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> I'm ex-wife # 3, Jelly !!!
> 
> I was wondering what chances he has in the dating world....
> 
> Sounds awful, but I hope all women will think like this and that he will hit rock bottom and realize the grass wasn't greener....


There's always people who suck at relationships who are more than willing to get in a bad relationship. My MIL is one of them. These kind of people believe everything their SO says.

"Those exes were crazy, he's nothing like they say he is. He could never do the things they say. He's also changed, this is going to be different. blahhhhhh blahhhh blahhhhh"

Within a year from saying I do they start whistling a different tune, "Why didn't I listen? What was I thinking? Everything those exes said is happening to me."

So to answer your OP, no, I would never get involved with someone who's been divorced 3 times. It proves that they aren't willing to take responsibility for the failures in their past relationships. Even if they had changed, I wouldn't want to be the variable in that experiment.

In answer to your question about his potential for success, he's likely to find some a$$ from women who don't know any better. He's not very likely to be in a successful long term relaitonship.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> LOl at "the general public" comment, Dawn.
> 
> Rome, I think I previous your previous posts now. I thought you had gotten divorced from him and then you both moved back in with one another and he wanted to sleep with you but not be together. Is that you? or another poster? I am confused.


Yes, Rome and her ex-H got divorced but remained living together as he told her she could stay and try to reconcile, they lived as married pretty much, sleeping together but no affection or endearment, she got pregnant accidentally, had baby, he was resentful, now he says no reconciling and she needs to move out.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> she got pregnant accidentally, had baby, he was resentful, now he says no reconciling and she needs to move out.


This is a very sad situation. Rome may have gotten pregnant "accidentally," but her husband played a major role in the so-called "accident," didn't he? Now he is playing the victim, resentful of what was, in part, his responsibility, and he wants his wife to leave.

I can certainly understand her hurt, but this guy sounds like a real jerk. I think she'll be better off without him. Granted, there will be a grieving period, but she and her children deserve a lot better than this character!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

If I was single, a man like you describe would only be for sex.

I wouldn't even be serious about a man who had been divorced twice, much less three times.

You need to move on with your life.


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## mag000 (Mar 3, 2012)

Be honest to yourself and rationalize your choice...
What is in it for you? 
If you don't go out, go out with him for an experience of it
If you want sex, most probably he is the right person for it
If you want more, take note of his failed marriages and that it would be an exemption that it worked out with you. On the other hand, he might have got tired of getting those divorces as well. He might have learnt something from them...he might be difficult to get into one more relationship or marriage...if this is what you are after...


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