# Marriage tension and a family of addicts



## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

So... my H (6.5 years) is a sex addict in recovery, his bro is addicted to oxycontin (an opiate) and his dad (who lives with the brother) is active in his gambling addiction. 

My H has spent years in recovery, but unfortunately his dad and bro are on another path. This week, his bro told him he had OD-ed eight times in the last two months. (Is this possible??? We weren't aware of any previous ODs, and any ambulance call outs that we are aware of were due to his being scheduled with bipolar and psychotic episodes).

His dad is visiting our city, about 5-6 hour drive from where he lives, and my H asked me if his dad could stay with us one night. I wasn't overly happy about it but i asked him if he could ask his dad how he's going with the gambling. (I never questioned his dad about this but my wedding ring went missing a year ago when he stayed with us. I don't know it's him for sure but it is highly likely).

Tonight, my H's sister was messaging him because the dad was with her for tonight, and she said he turned up on her doorstep absolutely flat broke, had spun some story about how he had $200 sitting on his kitchen bench but one of the brother's girlfriends stole it or some crap. 

His dad called up, when the phone was ringing i said to H clearly, "if your dad asks for $ or to stay extra nights, tell him you will come back to him shortly, get off the phone, and call one of your 12 step friends for support before you respond". Well what did he do? Said "sure come over stay for three nights".

So now he is staying here for three nights, starting from tomorrow. That's my weekend gone, including the little of it that i would have gotten to spend 1 on 1 with my H. It's not so much that, i want to support our family and i am happy to have his family in my home, but i feel unsafe and concerned and i have already stashed away my precious items because i fear they will go missing. I hid my H's wedding ring and even some loose change because i thought if the dad sees it, it might make him go rifling through our stuff to find more. 

Me and H had some big fights tonight about it. I feel like i'm the heartless evil one because i'm not happy about his dad staying with us 3 nights and me feeling unsafe and like i have to supervise him here the entire time because i'm not comfortable him being here alone.

My H is so damn paranoid about bank fraud. If i go to sign into my internet banking, he freaks out and runs around and makes sure all the blinds are blocking out the outside of the place just in case someone in an apartment 100 metres away is watching us with binoculours. It sounds ridiculous, and it kind of is, i poke fun at him alot lol. So he goes to these extreme measures, has a fake name on his email address he is so concerned, changes his passwords constantly, yet he's bringing a full blown gambler into our home.

Anyways, that's my rant...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you know what his family is like before you married your husband?

It sounds like your husband comes from a family of enablers. Basically they all put up with each other's bad behavior. 

You are going have to stand up to your husband and let him know that his father is never again allowed to stay at your home. And you have to mean it.

Are you willing to divorce over this?


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## Riley_Z (Jan 29, 2014)

Yup, enabling is not going to help.

He's just making himself feel better. He's not improving the overall situation at all that way.


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