# Not sure where to go from here...



## liifeiisabeach (Jan 5, 2013)

DH and I have been together for 3 years married 1 1/2. We have a 2 year old and we have his 14 year old living with us. I'm 28 he's 37. 

We met at a bar when he was with some mutual friends of ours. He moved in as my roommate and things progressed from there. We've gone through every thing in a short period of time. In the beginning he would still contact girls on FB saying how hot they looked or how good a shirt looked on them. And I saw a message between him and his friends ex wife...he said to her "if you want to talk dirty I'm here and your ass better send pictures" She never replied and when I confronted him about it he said "it was a joke, I knew she wouldn't send anything back" I was 5 months pregnant when this happened and it was the day after Christmas. We moved passed it. Then his ex wife moved to a different state and left their, then, 12 year old with us to live. It's been an adjustment especially since he's never had full custody of here and was still guilt parenting her. We have overcome that and we are in a good place as a family. Then his brother came to live with us and ended up staying 6 months with out helping us with anything. And he would have stayed longer if I didn't tell him that he needed to pitch in our get out, I got tired of being taken advantage of... especially by someone who is almost 40. 

We have our money separate and we are both responsible for certain bills. This is because he doesn't have a bank account, nor has he been able to keep a steady job. I've been the major finincial supporter of this family from the start. For the past 3 months he's been short on the rent. 1 of the 2 bills he has. I had to give him $180 to cover what he was short. I asked him if he was going to give me the money back and he said that he doesn't feel like he should have to. He makes plenty to cover his 2 bills and he just spends carelessly. It's not fair that I have to cover for him and I can't rely on him. He thinks that because we are married that I should always be there to cover for him, no questions asked. 

After that fight he came out to me and asked what we're doing. He only sees this marriage going down the divorce path and something needs to change. He kept saying that he's never been with a girl with such high standards and he can't live up to them. He's used to being with girls who are a-okay with supporting him. I haven't been happy for a while. It's not just the marraige, it's being a new mom, working a stressful job, and having to take care of everything at home. He has this way of belittling everything, from the job I do to the feelings I have. If i feel that he's insulted me he tells me he was just kidding and to suck it up or to stop taking everything so seriously. Sometimes I feel that he's just with me because I've provided him and his daugther a nice life. 

I'm probably not making much sense, but I am at such a loss. I don't know if I should stick it out for a little longer to see if it can be saved, or to just walk away... go thorugh the pain, and move on. I just wish I could know that if I leave I'll be ok.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Honestly, he sounds like a lifetime loser who's found his sugar momma. And he doesn't even have the brains to appreciate what he's got.

C


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

He is using you. Set boundaries on what is acceptable. If you want to save the marriage try counseling. But he seems to want to live that endless summer after high school graduation. If he starts a career now, he make a retirement out of it still. But it is kind of old to change your stripes. 

Good Luck


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

He sounds too old to change. However, I would get his azz into MC and IC. File for divorce to show him you mean it.

Is your sex life already ruined from resentment? Don't kill it off because you need a means of giving meaning to what you have.

Are there any male figures in his life whom he respects and could mentor him?

Money is not everything but sharing responsibility is.


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## liifeiisabeach (Jan 5, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> He sounds too old to change. However, I would get his azz into MC and IC. File for divorce to show him you mean it.
> 
> Is your sex life already ruined from resentment? Don't kill it off because you need a means of giving meaning to what you have.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately there are no male role models in his life. His dad was out of his life by the time he was 3, and it was just his mom raising him, his brother, and his sister. 
Our sex life isn't affected, this girl has needs. 
I am going to ask him again if he'll go to MC with me. He was against it last time I asked him. Said it was a waste of money. I did IC last year and it didn't really help.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ummm.... why EXACTLY are you with him? He sounds like he has the maturity of a 12-year-old. Very selfish and very immature. Not to mention untrustworthy, what with hitting on Facebook girls and his ex-wife.

Personally, I would skip marriage counseling and start saving up money for my own place.


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