# last night



## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

After 2 months of separation, I thought that we were making progress toward reconciliation. He said he was willing to work on our marriage. Seemed to be making progress with the MC. But he didn't want to spend the night last night, despite taking a rare day off of an intense work schedule today. Said that the house would have to be cleaner/more organized before he'd move back in. And during an intimate moment, he felt to see if he was wearing his wedding ring! So, I am back to sadness. I don't want to rush back into things if it means having a spouse who ignores me at best. But it felt like he is coming up with contingencies rather than relationship issues. Maybe because he's living back home with neatnik Mommy, who is doing everthing for him. I am working full time, raising our teenaged son, and have the other son home from college this week, so yes, the house is extra messy. I guess I'm sad and mad. 
Feeling as I do does not make for a cheery enthusiastic partner, and is, in essence, driving him away, so I am torn. (If I do the 180, he will probably feel even more justified in leaving.) Any advice?


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

no advise...

sympathy though....


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

has he stayed over any during the 2 months separation?

I'm just thinking his anxiety toward any connection is just as high as yours...I remember the first night we spent together after being separated for 3 months...I hardly said a word cause I didn't want to say anything stupid..didn't know whether to touch her or not...not saying this is his reason for being a dumbazz...but he could have been on emotional overload too...

when we finally get a chance to be together again, it can be so overwhelming because we want it to be so right...that we screw up because that is easier than trying to make everything perfect...I've been there and done that a few times myself..


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

@Shianne-thanks, it helps

@DjF. Thanks for the very sensitive response. Yes he has spent the night before, with several sessions of sex i might add. He just didn't want to and said that he has to spend time paying bills and doing our taxes. I suggested that he do them here, but he declined. He denies that he is seeing anyone else, so I guess he's saying he'd rather pay bills than stay with me! btw, I am 50, but in great shape and even got carded last year by someone who was genuinely shocked by my age.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'm almost 50 and am in almost good shape...

I can't tell you anything else...did I mention "dumbazz?"

there have been a few times in the last few months, when things just didn't seem right and we went ur separate ways those nights...don't know why, it just seemed better that way...

I do know when we do sleep together, it is better than it has been in years...even just being next to each other seems tender...feeling her roll over and touch me seems so right...now if I can just get some sleep when she is her rather than watching her or keeping her awake!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

everafter said:


> After 2 months of separation, I thought that we were making progress toward reconciliation. He said he was willing to work on our marriage. Seemed to be making progress with the MC. But he didn't want to spend the night last night, despite taking a rare day off of an intense work schedule today. Said that the house would have to be cleaner/more organized before he'd move back in. And during an intimate moment, he felt to see if he was wearing his wedding ring! So, I am back to sadness. I don't want to rush back into things if it means having a spouse who ignores me at best. But it felt like he is coming up with contingencies rather than relationship issues. Maybe because he's living back home with neatnik Mommy, who is doing everthing for him. I am working full time, raising our teenaged son, and have the other son home from college this week, so yes, the house is extra messy. I guess I'm sad and mad.
> Feeling as I do does not make for a cheery enthusiastic partner, and is, in essence, driving him away, so I am torn. (If I do the 180, he will probably feel even more justified in leaving.) Any advice?


Hi everafter,

I'm in a similar situation as you  ...

*After* the divorce was final my ex-h decided he wants to try to reconcile....I was more than happy since I love him so much and want nothing more than being with him again....

I've had a really hard time ever since, because I believe he had an EA with a former high school girl and I sometimes accuse him or make snide remarks about other women  and then my mother passed away and I was just not myself at all....

We're still living together so that makes it hard...

He slept in the spare bedroom for two nights last week and then back in our bedroom.....

He got drunk Thursday night and tried to have sex with me but I was too tired and sick, and didn't react to it....

He was good with me Friday, talked nicely, smiled....yet when I woke up in the middle of the night he was sleeping in the spare bedroom again  ......I've done nothing wrong....so why ????

I asked him and he said "to avoid things".....(meaning sex)....I asked why and he said "Because it isn't right" :scratchhead:

Now he realizes this ????

I don't know what to think or feel...

I'm scared he decided against us, even though I've been good about the remarks lately..... :scratchhead:

He was nice to me today, even told me about a funny link to look at on the computer....

He looked me in the eyes when he was talking with a smile on his face which he doesn't ever do if he's mad....this is what makes this whole thing even more confusing  ....

Why does he all of a sudden not want to have sex with me anymore....

I'm sure he didn't read my "No more sex" thread, because he doesn't get onto marriage help boards....so that is just so odd....

Any opinions ???

Everafter.....I feel for you because I know exactly how you feel  !!!!!!

We're in Limbo and it sucks bad....

If you ever need to talk privately feel free to PM me......


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

rome2012 said:


> We're in Limbo and it sucks bad....
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> limbo is exactly right. Although sometimes it dip down into hell!


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