# food wars, part 2....



## preso (May 1, 2009)

I have gained some weight since getting married 2 years ago, mostly due to the cooking and heavy calorie food my husband brings home... and wants me too cook.
Yesterday I started a diet and back on weight watchers, which I have folowed in the past.
I'm doing GREAT.. BUT NOW ??? he wants to eat MY FOOD !!!:scratchhead:
so.......
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I've done this 2 days now and he eats 2 to 3 times, maybe 4X as many points ( or calories) as I do !!!
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according to weight watchers, he should weigh 500 pounds by his caloric intake !!! ( he weighs about 170)
this is what his meals look like the last 2 days
breakfast: 2 jimmy owens breakfast sandwiches, coffee or soda
( I have a soy smoothie with greens or yougurt and fruit)

lunch: what I eat for weight watchers for my lunch, usually a salad with some type of very lean and grilled meat... ( I eat only 4 oz of meat- for the protien)
BUT he has about 6 to 8 cookies afterwords and of course his soda

dinner: meat... either on a sandwich or two with cheese and mayo/ lettuce or meat as in meatballs and spagetti
and of course a soda. ( I eat salad or yougurt and maybe a rice cake)

snacks: cereal or donuts or ramen noodles and more soda and chips, lots of chips of all types including potato and those cheese covered strofoam looking things  (yuck)
( I have an apple, maybe 1 diet soda and I make sure to drink at least 1.5-2 qts of pure water daily) He does not drink any water, only soda and coffee.

he says he has been wanting cake too...

this is ticking me off !!! I told him I was going to eat MY FOOD and not his. If he wanted to gorge massive amounts of food thats fine but I am cooking only 1X a day and what I do cook is my weight watchers meals. If he wants to add to it, 
go for it, but I'm not cooking it, going to the store to buy it and not messing with it. period.

I hope to start losing some weight soon. He is not messing me up anymore !
This issue of food and diet is a constant source of conflict. 

ps
He no longer brings home giant cakes and trays of cinomon rolls...... I put an end to that !
but it took some time. 
I am taking control !!! of my diet !!! yes I am !
and I am already feeling better eating better. I love my green smoothies, they are full of vitamins !


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yay! Good for you! Ask him periodically if he's felt any twinges in chest!  

I've had 2 heart attacks before I changed my eating habits. Got 2 stents, too. Except for a certain little heartache recently, I never felt better.

My brother (the one who's widow is my xgf) used to eat like your H and he died of a heart attack. Even the helicopter couldn't get him from the country to town fast enough. My surviving brother had one, too and refuses to change his eating. I'm the first born and at this rate will be the last one standing. 

We all had our HAs at about the same relative age, around 48. I was fortunate in working around the corner from one hospital, living a mile or two from the other. 

Before the year 2000, I seriously didn't expect to live long enough to see it. But I'm still here. 

Why don't you see about printing all the posts relating to this and let him read it? Would it help any?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

It won't help...

I have talked to him about this issue endlessly. He has his delusions and he's sticking to them.

His parents are both alive and healthy and his grandparents and g- grandparents all lived longer than average lifespans and all very healthy, because of this, he thinks he can eat however and whatever he likes
BUT HE DOES NOT SEE, THEY MOST LIKELY DID NOT EAT THE JUNK HE DOES !
I mean my H eats so much fat and sugar its UNREAL !
I've never seen anything like it !!!
He should weigh 500 pounds ! he just loves to eat and into all the cooking shows...
he loves meat, steak mostly. He has cut back to 1X a week on the porterhouse since I refuse to buy anymore of them !


so... I'm alone on this and have to do my own thing before he gets me to his side and I'll end up being his 800 pound wife.
haha


this food thing is really an issue for us.
I dont want to be fat or sick when I'm older.
He could care less and thinks he's Immune or something !

I would not be a fat and jolly person, thats for sure !


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm sorry, girl. 

I learned my lesson. 

He's going to have to learn his the hard way, then. 

I hope it's not fatal when it (first) happens. 

While he's in the hospital, remind him of your vacation plans on his insurance money!

Then, again, I still smoke. It's a harder addiction to break than heroin. So, heck, who am I to talk?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

What makes me crazy is he is now wanting to eat my meals...
and his both !

hahaha


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

update:

Today he comes home and stops at the grocery store. 
He brings home sugary cereal, sugary canned beans.
Also saugage and hash browns.

I say nothing but I do not let him mingle his CRap with the 
good food as I do not want it in my kitchen.
I am on day 4 of my diet too and motivation is waning... and we are
constantly at this food war.
I am not going to be thin and healthy doing things his way and he will not be alive for long doing things his way with his food choices.
He eats for taste and as a hobby.. I am trying to eat right for health and vitality.
It is a battle each day !!!
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His breakfast today : eggs fried in fat, hashbrowns fried in fat, toast with butter, sausage ( fatty kind) ... and of course SODA and tons of ketcup on his eggs.
I am having a soy smoothie later when he gets out of the kitchen.
how freaking sad...
he eats so badly and there is nothing I can do about it.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Today it's ther 6th day of my new plan. Told husband to stop buying sausage as the freezer has at least 6 packages and that should last him for the summer.
I think I have droppped a few pounds too and feeling much better. His meals, his cooking is just too much for me.

I make my food and some of his, his main meal and he snacks on all his garbage still.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I haven't had sausage for a LONG time. I like it...sometimes when I'm on the road, I'll get a sausage muffin (at McDs)...but not often. 

All things in moderation, a balance. It's not always this or that. 

Keep the faith, girl. You eat your way, let him die. Have that vacation on him.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

yeah I know. This is a perk of getting married later in life I guess...
being that he is well insured and the pension benefits will come to me if he does die from his sausage fest diet.
I will have 2 pensions coming in !!!! My gosh.. I may get some travel guides for italy and greece !
lol

I love the taste of sausage but eating it every few months is enough. I'm not going to convert my dietary beliefs and diet standards to his. no way....
he can fuss all he wants, not going to happen.

and trust me... he is sure fussing !
Guess he thinks if he whines enough, he'll get his way, but not on this. no way !

This is so frustrating, you just don't know. I hardly have any room in the kitchen or fridge or freezer as he's stocked it up with his death foods !!!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> What about turkey sausage? (It's actually much, much better than it sounds) There are compromises he can make if he'll give it a shot.


Mommy, I know what you mean and had the same thought !!!
only the turkey did not go over well with him 

I loved it and even bought some ground turkey
( not turkey sausage ) but he only likes beef and pork ... sighhhhhhhhhhhh
he is just really into the death foods it seems and nothing anyone can do.
________________________________________

back on topic... 

G R E A T N E W S !!!!!
It's been 6 days since I started this new way and I HAVE LOST 6 POUNDS in 6 days and feeling soooo
very good !!!

I hope to gradually start walk/run or a light jog again someday soon. I miss being in shape as I was in super duper shape for a 50 year old woman... getting back there and looks like it won't be long. I have the will of a stubborn bull when I make my mind up to do something and I'm not going to get fat and sick in my old age... even if husband wants to.. I'm NOT going there !


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Preso, I sympathize with your fights. We are eating healthier, and while I don't eat anywhere near as poorly as your husband does, we do have the conflict of me wanting to eat things that she won't/doesn't want to eat.

The most effective way we've kept the peace is by agreeing to divide how we eat. I want to, and DO eat healthy during most of the week -- smoothies and egg whites for dinner, a balanced breakfast, a small sandwich for lunch. On the weekends though, I do want to enjoy some of the less healthy stuff. We do fight over it sometimes, but its worked well.

As has been said, you can talk to your husband until your are blue in the face. You can guilt him by telling him how much you'll both resent and miss him when he's gone, and at the end of the day, none of it will do any good.

You won't know until he changes or drops dead. He could die tomorrow, or he could outlive you.

I think the only agreement you can make (which it sounds like he keeps for a while, but breaks occasionally) is that you'll each eat separate diets, and whatever consequences befall you will happen.

On a side note, be careful with the soy. I assume you are eating it in small quantities, but I've heard that too much soy can be devastating to older women.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Preso, the term "food WARS" seems to be really appropriate. My husband is one of those skinny guys that eats everything too, but I don't find myself getting mad at HIS metabolism. 

I eat my 'diet' food and a portion of what he cooks for dinner. He used to get upset when I wouldn't eat everything he cooked (even the fattening stuff) but I very gently reminded him that I was trying to lose weight and then complimented him heavily on the stuff I Could eat. 

Having gone thru every diet program in the world, I found some software called DietPower that has helped me to lose (and keep losing) weight without having to eat anything special or buy certain foods. It's really easy and I'm still losing 3-5 lbs a week! 

I also have two teenage boys in the house - try only allowing soy stuff in the house with them! I decided long ago that my metabolism and my diet was "my" problem, not theirs. 

You sound very angry at your husband, and using food wars to express it. Try getting to the bottom of your anger and resentment and addressing it directly with him. Surely you aren't really angry at his metabolism? I hear in your posts that you feel undervalued by him (broken hamburger, diet sabotage) and you are feeling he is not respecting you. Think of some positive ways he could make you feel great about the two of you that don't involve food


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Many dietary prefences come from our upbringing... in my situation my parent was a health food nut and a runner ( miles per day)
and my husbands upbringing was not like this.
He feels good eating junk food and I don't... to eat grease messes with my head as I can't enjoy something I think is going to effect my health.
We do make compromises, like when he grilled the burgers I had one.. not the kind he had with a bun, cheese, peppers, chips, soda and chocolate milkshakes........

but a plain one with grilled zuccini and a diet soda.
Maybe when he sees me lose weight and get healthier, start running again, he will want to eat better. ???

I usually eat vegan, which is my prefered diet...but in this case I am now eating some meat ( about 4 oz a day for the protien)

His family were not health consious like mine... its too bad but I'm doing my best with it.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

UPDATE:
CHECK THIS OUT !!!

In making husbands burgers for lunch, he says : NO CHEESE...
I've had enuff chesse for the day.

OMG !
anyways...
I'm down 10 pounds in weight since a week ago and eating my way, not his way.
 and feel good !


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Update:

Here we go again.
He is having whataburger/ fries and a shake, after eating his dinner, maybe I'm not feeding him enough?
For his lunch I made him breaded chicken planks, corn, mashed potato, gravy and key lime pie with whip cream.
He also had cereal/ milk, cookies and of course tons of soda pop.

he isn't fat, not gaining weight. 
Don't know what to make of it.
For his lunch last week, 2 days in a row he had porterhouse steak.
When I mention all the fat and cholestrol he eats all he says is:
If I die, you'll be a rich widow


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

yeah, maybe it's time to increase his life insurance...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I had him do that a few months ago.

After he said it to me the first time................
and I also went with him to the bank to make sure I was co-owner
of his bank accounts.
( since he's going to be like that.. hmmpf)


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

We have a fundemental difference in food. I look at it as nutrition, he looks at it as pleasure. I was raised in an athletic family and my husband wasn't. He has me buy more and more of the stuff he likes every week and now I find 80% of the food is junk ( chips, pastries, cookies, cake, soda pop, MEAT MEAT MEAT !!! )...........

It is very hard.

I agree nagging gets you no where. He is just never going to adapt to my health food regimine at all, not even slightly.

I am sliding down the tubes with my diet and nutrition.


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## jivey (Jun 18, 2009)

Preso, Good for you sticking to your plan. My wife is on WW she is about 230 and has lost 15lbs over the last 2 weeks.
I try to motivate her as much as possible and cook good food for her. She has no worries about me eating her plan food.
I wish she would add exercising to the plan. I walk with her when she ask...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I have a hard time dieting when the whole house is full of junk,
THATS WHY I"M COMPLAINING !!! and the fact its going to kill him and I will be a widow.
Will have to mow the lawn and take out the trash... fight off all the old men at church from trying to hook up with me !!!

I dont want my husband to leave me !!!
I want him to be able to retire too and us go have fun like little kids !!!!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Preso...(((*** HUGS ***)))...hang in there, girl! 

My brother would eat heathy when at home (wife wouldn't make fried chicken, etc.) but when he was "on the road" he did what he wanted. Ultimately it killed him (heli couldn't make the trip fast enough to save him). 

I've had 2 HAs and learned to live a better lifestyle (he!! I didn't expect to see the new millenium!  ). We all don't get out of life alive!  But we can enjoy it as long as we can. 

You can only do what you can do. That's all, girl. Love him as you can. Enjoy him as you can. IDK what else to tell you, girl. You WILL outlive him...so sorry for that!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

yeah.. seems to be the case dcrim.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

UPDATE:

My husband is complaining of chest pains this morning... says he doesn't know why. He refuses asprin, refuses a heating pad or for me to look at him ( I am a RN)
He says it is most likely from the salad I made him for his dinner last night, although he says its not pain from having to have a bowel movement. The pain is across his chest and rib cage. He says its bad. He is super grouchy too.

He is taking a hot shower now........... I am listening in case he passes out and falls.

shesh.......... more porterhouse steak tonight honey?


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## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

Preso, is his pain around his ribs more on his right side. My H has got gallstones and it started off with bad indigestion symptoms but turned out to be gallstones.

Comes usually from high cholesterol diet and high in refined carbs. could be !!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

yeah I'm sure he has high cholesterol and more problems...
but there is nothing I can do.

When I started cooking healthy, he just started stopping off to get burgers and fries...........

he had me go pick him up some fried chicken today, said he needed it to washed all that lettuce out of his system it was making him sick
( I made him salad yesterday and he ate it, said thats what made his chest hurt.. he thinks its gas)

Guess I have to wait until a medical problem comes his way so he says:
"gee, think I should lay off the meat, cakes, cokes, chips and fast food"
until then.........................

I tolerate this food war the best I can... grrrrrrr.


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## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

Well if he has got gallstones it will only get increasingly painful, so he best watch out.

Mine is having gallbladder removed soon, so guess who is being nurse for him ( unfortunately its my line of work !!!)


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Gas? In his chest? From a salad? LOL 

Ask him now to pick out which suit he'd like to be burried in! 

Better get him a life vest because he's definately in De Nile!  

I've had 2 HAs (first one around Dec. 01, last one in Feb. 03). Mine were the pressure not sharp pain type. I knew what they were and immediately went to the hospital. Got a new stent each time!  

I had already started changing my lifestyle, but still had the 2nd one. Nothing since. Although this past April/May I really thought I would have another!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

preso said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> shesh.......... more porterhouse steak tonight honey?


Not to make too much light of it, Preso, but:

Just go ahead and screw him to death.....; every time we get it on my dh asks me if I am trying to kill him.....:rofl:


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

No, seriously though...my dh buys these things:

potato chips
hershey bars
ribs (pork only..)
bacon
cheese
Chips A Hoy
Vienna Finger Cookies
Chips with Jar of Queso dip 
Jack Daniels by the boat load
Cigarettes by the boat load
Salt by the BOX and USES it even in canned soups...

This morning he says: "Can you wash those jeans I just threw in the laundry...the ones I have on are getting kind of snug and those other jeans are a size larger...."

He gets TWO physicals a year because of his profession....his cholesterol is normal, his trigs are normal, his BP is normal.

Even when I ASK him over and over not to bring this crap into the house.....he keeps doing it.

I can't change him....so I am just moving the hell out...

He has an angel somewhere.....


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Luckily my husband doesn't drink, and he doesn't smoke much...
about like me, about 5 smokes a day.
If he was drinking and a jerk... I'd leave too.

My husband and I both drink very little, last time I had a drink was ... ummm.... ? a margarita at a mexican resturant about 3 months ago, same with him... 
I would never had married him if he was a big drinker.

I'm concerned as what he eats is supposed to shorten life, make you fat, get diabetes, gout and a host of other problems.
He says "thats nonsense".

He "washes lettuce out of his body with fried chicken"
Maybe he's an alien from another planet or something?

lol


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

---He "washes lettuce out of his body with fried chicken"
Maybe he's an alien from another planet or something?---

Some people are just plain lucky. There is a guy at work who has 2 big macs as a snack before a full rack of ribs. He ate 22 slices of pizza at a buffet. At boston market, he has to get 3 chickens (1.5 for him, and 1.5 for the rest of his family). He eats a 12 pack of eggo waffles or a dozen eggs for breakfast.

His health stats are all superb. He is a marvel.

---I know you feel like you're at your wits end on this, but I'm sure you've discovered that nagging gets you nowhere.---

Everyone, everywhere, would do well to understand this simple truth.

---We have a fundemental difference in food. I look at it as nutrition, he looks at it as pleasure.---

This is very similar to the fights couples have over money due to the differences in their upbringing. For some, money is security. For others, it is merely a means. For others, it is everything.

People who try to CHANGE others attitudes are doomed for failure. Those who work WITH their partners to compromise see success.

The bit about how he has tuned you out is also very appropriate. While I can completely understand you being annoyed at trying to diet, yet being surrounded by temptation, I think the fight is getting sidetracked.

You keep calling it a "food war". In war, anything goes.

Maybe you should try rephrasing the issue to him. He may think you are nagging him to eat better (and you are, but that doesn't have to be the focal point).

Would you be happier if he just did a better job keeping "junk" out of sight? If so, how can you both make that happen?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Today he said: NO MORE LETTUCE.

okkkkkkkkk...
so I'm complaining because he wants all this stuff from the store and my counters are littered with bags of chips, muffins from costco, cookies, crackers and more junk.
I can't even open the fridge without some kinda sauce bottle or soda falling out. I have no room for my food !!!
and it makes me irritable when the kitchen counters are filled with boxes, bags and more boxes and bags. 
He only likes white bread... he only likes ranch dressing on his baked potato, he only likes spicy fried chicken... he is sooooo
picky and has bottles of all kinds of seasonsings too...
and talk about soda pop !!! half the fridge is filled with his soda pop because he likes it cold and drinks so much.
so... 
its not just that he is so picky, that he litters the kitchen with boxes and packages, that he takes up all the room in the fridge, but that all that high fat food will catch up with him.
Its a bunch of things, not just one... and also there is the temptation for me to eat badly as thats mostly what there is. I started drinking soda pop because there is no room in the fridge to make my iced green tea, etc etc etc...........
and cheetos... what the hell? I can't believe thats a food product !!!
He fills the freezer with sausage, bacon, hash browns, meat meat meat.
I do complain a lot but mainly because I want some room too.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

P! You are married to my dh! OMG. Costco. I hate the place! He buys in BULK.

But my dh buys lettuce. Eats lots of lettuce so he can DUMP lots and lots of salad dressing on it. Gallons I tell you!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Costco is certainly good for some things, eyeglasses, prescritions, cleaning products... but the food is too much.
We were throwing away TONS of food......... because we bought in bulk and what started this food war as I told him...
just let me know what you want to eat so I'm not ending up throwing everything out.

what a mistake.

anyways, I hate my counters all cluttered with boxes., I find it unsightly.
I admit he is getting better about eating what he buys but..........
its too much junk...
no fruit but banannas. No veggies.

I think some of it too is not only that this house is too small for stockpiling, but that I was single a long time and not used to this much food being around and all over.
I'm doing my best with it and will declutter again next week in the kitchen, so maybe some of these boxes, packages can go somewhere else but I don't think there will be any more room for anything.

We live very close to Costco, it's closer than the grocery store and have membership to sams too...
why?
I dont know but thats what he wants.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I did 90% of my shopping at costco (5 minutes from where I lived)! The only thing I didn't buy there was quick perishables (milk, bread, etc.). 

About every 3 months, I get boneless chicken breasts, pork chops, maybe once every 6 months beef - I didn't fix it as often). I'd cut the chops in half because they were so thick!. I'd wrap them in saran wrap (or equivalent) and freeze them. 

I "fried" them (with PAM) (cut into bite sized pieces, sear them on high, then turn to low) and added veggies (peppers, potatos, onions, etc.) and let them cook on low while the rice cooker was going. Or sometimes baked potatos. Once in a great while, cream of mushroom soup instead of the veggies. Or I'd steam some brocolli or cauliflower. 

NO seasonings! Not even salt. If anyone wanted that it was added on your plate. This was when I cooked while my daughter lived with me. 

What you might consider is a small fridge for "your" food. Maybe even a small freezer (like apartment sized), too. I know the freezers are around $150, not sure of fridges...I think maybe $90 or so. I've seen them at Lowes. 

Chop -- I have a pretty good metabolism, too. But still, I don't eat to excess. I've maintained a fairly constant weight no matter what I eat. The difference in my weight was due to exercize. However, I am diabetic too so do need to watch what I eat.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

We already have a freezer and its FULL !
Costco is selling greek yougurt now ( new item) and its very good....
although the container is very big, it does last over a month before expiring ( what I'm eating for breakfast today, a small amount with a peach).
Maybe I'm just not used to be around all his food ???????????

BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>>It's just me and him.!!!!!!!!

When the frezzer starts to have room he runs out and refills it. I told him to stop doing that so I can get to stuff at the bottom and the fridge and freezer doesn't always have to be full.

When he buys cakes and all that I started putting them on the dining table ( out of the kitchen)
I find buying all this food is wasteful........... I'm working on it with him. Maybe he thinks he is showing love.......
maybe he just likes to eat and is a foodie or both.
There is just too much food going around here ! I told him, this house is not a cooking show set !!!!


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