# She wants sex "all the time"



## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Hi, quick bio: married 11 yrs, together 15, two young children.

I love my wife with everything I have. We already have sex 6-9 times a week sometimes more and it gets to be a bit much at times. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about it but sometimes I just need a break. When I tell her this she gets angry and she will either sleep on the couch or make me do so. Sometimes I give in and do what I can to make it happen, other times I can not and succumb to the couch or sleeping alone in our bed.

We both work day jobs, same hours, same days off and usually turn in about 10 or 11pm. Last night as always, she wanted sex but I was just too tired as we had already had sex that morning and I asked as nicely as possible if it could at least wait until the next morning. She said nothing and got out of bed a few minutes later and began getting dressed. Not casually, but nicely dressed. I asked her where she was going and her reply: "If you're not going to do me I'm going to find someone who will". She walked out the door... WTF?!?

I 'was' tired and ready to crash, but now its 4:10am and I'm wide awake, totally freaking out and she is not home yet. Mind you she left at about 11:30PM last night. She is supposed to be at work soon now its after 4.. Is it possible that she is doing just as she said???? This has never happened before. Usually when we don't have sex and it turns into an alone sleeping night everything is fine the next day as if nothing has happened. We've talked about this in the past and she has always apologized and said its something she has to work on and we get on with our day. She has admitted the possibility of having a sex addiction but has never seeked any help as I've always tried to fulfill these needs and until now I thought i was doing pretty good. I guess not.

As said, this has never happened before nor has she ever said she would seek sex elsewhere. I have never had any reason for distrust as said we work same hours, days off and are always together 24/7 outside of work.

Maybe shes angry and went to a friends house? maybe she got a motel room alone? Could she really be seeking it elsewhere? This is not her. I just don't understand. Someone save me from the negative thoughts racing through my head or smack me with the possibility of reality.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

5:15 AM shes home. I ask her if she really did what she said she was going to do, she said "No." I asked who she was with, she said "Friends." I asked her where she went. She said "Out." I asked her what she did. She said "Danced." I attempted initiating sex, she said "No." She has never told me no. All single word answers and she looks a mess. I smell alcohol on her. I think shes asleep now. Its dark in our room across the hall. What did she do? Where did she go? Who was she with? Did she cheat??? I don't know what else to say or ask. Thanks for reading.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Your wife is emotionally abusive and expecting you to have sex that much isn't in the best interest of your physical health. Three to four times a week is ideal for a man your age, by the way.

It's time to set some boundaries with your wife of what you are willing or not willing to do. If she threatens to sleep with someone else, tell her to pack her bags and go live with them instead of continuing to bully you with threats and emotional abuse.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

HappyHer said:


> ...tell her to pack her bags and go live with them instead of continuing to bully you with threats and emotional abuse.


Thank you. You are absolutely right. She actually got up after about an hour or so of sleep and went to work and didn't say a single word to me. I took today off myself. Don't feel like dealing with it.

We are going to have a long heart-to-heart once she gets home. Things need to change and don't get me wrong, I love her with all my heart but if she in fact cheated, we're done. I'll never be able to trust her again and I won't be able to live my life with someone like that.

I just don't understand. She has never, ever been like this about anything else. Shes always been so affectionate, caring, loving and understanding on everything, EVERYTHING... except sex. Outside of that we get along so great in every way. This just... just doesn't make any sense to me. Still running on 0 sleep. Taking the kids to the babysitter and crashing. Good night.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

It could be that she's very insecure and thinks if she keeps you sexed up then you won't go looking for it somewhere else, then, if you reject her, it triggers those insecurities. That's just one idea though, it could really be a million different things. 

As far as threatening to cheat, I doubt that she just went out and got laid, but she's acting very hurtful towards you.

Start your conversation out with "I just don't understand. She has never, ever been like this about anything else. Shes always been so affectionate, caring, loving and understanding on everything, EVERYTHING... except sex. Outside of that we get along so great in every way. This just... just doesn't make any sense to me." and ask her to help you understand and also let her know how hurtful it is for you to hear her say she is going to cheat on you and destroy the marriage just because you so no to sex. You are still doing it a lot more than most couples, so taking a time out every so often to recharge shouldn't be an issue to the point that it's being taken.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

HappyHer said:


> It could be that she's very insecure and thinks if she keeps you sexed up then you won't go looking for it somewhere else, then, if you reject her, it triggers those insecurities. That's just one idea though, it could really be a million different things.
> 
> As far as threatening to cheat, I doubt that she just went out and got laid, but she's acting very hurtful towards you.
> 
> Start your conversation out with "I just don't understand. She has never, ever been like this about anything else. Shes always been so affectionate, caring, loving and understanding on everything, EVERYTHING... except sex. Outside of that we get along so great in every way. This just... just doesn't make any sense to me." and ask her to help you understand and also let her know how hurtful it is for you to hear her say she is going to cheat on you and destroy the marriage just because you so no to sex. You are still doing it a lot more than most couples, so taking a time out every so often to recharge shouldn't be an issue to the point that it's being taken.


Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't physically have the strength to go looking elsewhere, not at the rate we are intimate. Maybe you're right and she don't understand that. Thank you for your advice. I will use it to the best of my ability.

She texted me earlier. She said "I love you, I'm sorry.". I haven't answered her yet, not sure how to or even to begin what to say in a txt. I think I might forget the talk to night, tell her to pick up the kids at the babysitters that its my turn to go "out". She would flip out. No... I would not be doing it for revenge. I honestly do not feel like seeing her right now and I don't believe I will be ready to see her by the time she gets off work. I'm still tired, maybe I will rent a room somewhere and try to sleep off this stress for 10-12 hrs in a nice quiet place.

She just realised I was not at work and called home. I asked her first and foremost sternly but not hostile, I need to know the absolute truth and know it now... Did she cheat... She started balling and said no, she never has and never will no matter what. Her tone of voice was believable, but I don't know if I believe her. I need to see the look on her face when she tells me that. I should've waited until our talk. I told her we need to have a serious sit-down and she agreed. We'll see what happens this evening. Our phone conversation went well it seems. I am more at ease in seeing her this evening but now I'm going to try for more sleep. I'll update later. TYVM for your advice.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

A woman who says something so incredibly over the top, announcing that if you won't do her she'll find someone who will and then leaves to go get laid? And returns many hours later smelling of booze and acting strange?

Of course she went and got laid.

Your wife is acting out something awful.

If you two are having a lot of sex and she throws this sexual deprivation crap at you something is not right.

I would believe the situation is far worse than you know.


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## LaCuriosa (Jan 13, 2010)

Homosapien said:


> She has admitted the possibility of having a sex addiction but has never seeked any help as I've always tried to fulfill these needs and until now I thought i was doing pretty good. I guess not.


"Sex addict" is exactly what I thought. She's getting it about once a day or more after a decade of marrige? She had it about twelve hours before, but storms off after telling you, her husband and father of her children, that she's going out to get laid by a stranger? And then comes home drunk and acting odd?

I would hazard that most men/women in her situation might masterbate and/or turn to porn, and MAYBE would look outside the marriage after months of refusals. But to blatantly say that when you've had sex less than 24 hours ago? Not in my realm of "normal."

LC


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## Sad_in_NY (Jun 23, 2010)

I will try an offer somethinge here - I would also agree that it falls ino the "Sex Addict" or the "Something bigger is wrong" buckets. And I wonder since you have discussed this "too much sex" issue before I wonder if she was just pushing you "out on the limb until it broke" - so she could storm out.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Sad_in_NY said:


> I will try an offer somethinge here - I would also agree that it falls ino the "Sex Addict" or the "Something bigger is wrong" buckets. And I wonder since you have discussed this "too much sex" issue before I wonder if she was just pushing you "out on the limb until it broke" - so she could storm out.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## strawberry (Jun 21, 2010)

so what happened next?


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Yes we have always had sex very frequently. Seems like the frequency increased dramatically as we approached middle-age. I have pretty much stayed the same, not needing more and could do with a little less, but she has gone past my abilities. 

Well to those of you who thought the worst, you were right. she was so upset she ended up coming home early to talk. Turns out she did do what she sought to begin with. I couldn't believe my ears but I kept my cool and somehow was able to make it seem to her as if I brushed it off and am able to forgive her. She is sadly mistaken.

She said she was so furious at my rejection she went to a local 'meat market' as these places are called, got almost completely sloshed and 'hooked up' with the first random joe she tripped over, took him to 'our' car and commensed fogging up the windows. The worst part, she denied him when he was so considerate and even offered to use protection so I am happy she rejected me this morning. She tried to assure me they never exchanged contacts that it was a one night stand, and she doesn't even remember his name.

I'm completely numb at this point that I don't even care. I'm filing for divorce first thing Monday morning (she has no idea to this). I told her she is a sex addict and I hope she seeks help and soon, she says she will as she continues to be remorseful and saying that she both loves me and is in love with me and hopes we can work through this. Sorry but this is not OK to me, and I don't think this is something that will eventually make us a better and stronger couple. I'm through and come Monday morning she will see this too.

Thank you all for your kind and some harsh words of wisdom. This was not something I wished to discuss with any of my close personal friends just yet and it was extremely helpful to get it out. I only fear for the kids now. She is a good mother/provider as am I as their father but I know how this will make them feel and what they are about to experience. I love them dearly but I can't stay with her even just for them. I guess it will soon be up to the judge.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Get yourself tested btw. This is unlikely the first time she has cheated. My hunch is that this has been building for a while.

Sad story


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I have to agree with Atholk, to get yourself tested because it's unlikely this was the first time. 

I, in general, do want sex more than my boyfriend. And I won't deny that it does hurt my feelings and trigger my insecurities if he rejects me or doesn't come to me. But I would never, and I do mean NEVER, threaten to find someone else to do it if he won't. Our relationship is about much more than sex, and I love him enough and get enough other things from him and our relationship, that I am willing to give up having sex as often as I might like to. I think, even if she hadn't cheated before that, her threat to do so and the fact that she followed through, indicates one of two things: (1) she is a sex addict, or (2) there are/were other problems at work that either you were oblivious to somehow or that she just never bothered to tell you (or worked up in her own mind and didn't exist anywhere but in her own mind). 

I'm really sorry this happened to you, but just remember this is not your fault. This is all her doing. Whether you gave her sex as often as she wanted or not, cheating is never an acceptable solution.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Hold on a minute. I said hold on a minute. No really, HOLD ON A MINUTE!

You're hurt. You're angry. And you have every reason to be. You cannot believe what she did. You cannot believe she did this to you. Honestly, I would feel the exact same way you feel. Actually, you haven't run the gamut of emotions. There are a bunch you have yet to experience. Let us know when the crying starts....and then the cursing....and then the crying again....

But this is not happening to me, so I have a better head than you do right now. Therefore, I need you to listen for just a minute. If you're not able to process it at the moment, then come back in a week to read it again.

You know your wife has a problem. There are millions of people with some kind of mental/emotional/behavioral issue. Many of them are on psychotropics, and many simply try to manage daily. There is zero likelihood your wife is the only person you know. You may not be aware of all of the people in your life taking medication, but I bet there are one or two members of your own family. So think about that. And think about how many of them you love as much as you love your wife. Think about how many of them you have turned your back on. She did something that is unforgivable, but try to set yourself aside and look at it from another perspective. 

You would not want her to leave you if you came down with an illness. No matter how much work and sacrifice is involved, you wouldn't want her to leave. And it would be wrong as hell if she did. I'm not saying you are wrong. You and I both know you're right. I'm simply saying I believe your marriage and your children are worth saving since you already accept that your wife has a problem. You can stay by her side and make sure she gets help, rather than blow it off as a passing thought. You can work on rebuilding your marriage and your trust, and please believe that many marriages become better and stronger after infidelity. You can get past this and keep your family intact. You can learn to trust and love your wife again. 

I'm asking you to please bring yourself to consider this. You have known for a long, long time that her sexual needs were not normal. You have lived with the consequences of not being able to keep up with her....and you knew that wasn't normal either. You dealt with all of that, so deal with this now. This is just a culmination, an inevitable behavior of her illness. I'm not blaming you in any way, but you had no idea the extent of her problem. You had no idea the problem was soooo real and soooo much bigger than the two of you and bigger than you ever imagined. If you cannot handle what she has done, how can you expect her to handle the need to do it? She cannot. I have a sister who is bi-polar and diagnosed paranoid/schizophrenic. Nothing we can do or say will convince her that her imagination is just her imagination. We cannot control her behaviors, and we can't predict them either. We didn't know anything about all of this until we experienced it over the years. You didn't know to ever expect anything like this, but you have to attribute her behavior to the undiagnosed issue. Help her get diagnosed. Take control and insist that she get help. Stick by her at least for now, and then follow your heart after that. In the meanwhile, MarriageBuilders.com offers lots of resources for recovering from infidelity. There are also many books to read to help you get through this. Get control of your emotions right now. Get centered. Get your wife some help. Get yourself some help. And see happens from there. I really wish you well.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You do not have to hang back while she acts out so horribly.

If she is mentally ill, get her evaluated. HOWEVER, you are not obligated by your marriage vows to stay with her when she acts so outrageously and likely has exposed you to STDs.

You need to get tested for STDs, all of them. DO NOT have any sexual contact with her at all--NADA.

You are at risk. So is she.

You can love this woman, but you cannot risk your own health enabling her disturbing life.

If she has some type of personality disorder or a clinically-disagnosed mental illness like the previous poster mentioned, that should be addressed.

You don't have to be her husband anymore for this to occur.

I don't for a moment doubt this is NOT the first time she has behaved this destructively. She just is no longer able to hide it from you as easily.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Lol. Please listen to Michzz and not the other nonsense that was posted. She put your life at risk as well as the well being of your children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LaCuriosa (Jan 13, 2010)

Homosapien said:


> I only fear for the kids now. She is a good mother/provider as am I as their father but I know how this will make them feel and what they are about to experience. I love them dearly but I can't stay with her even just for them.



Are you going to leave them with her? If this is a true addiction, how long before she's leaving them alone or with a sitter to get her "fix," or worse yet, bringing her fixes home? What's the longest "dry spell" you two have had? If she's never experienced that, doesn't have you as an outlet, and is so willing to go on the prowl, I would definitely worry about her prioritizing her children. She's already disregarding her spouse and her work responsibilities, which is something addicts do.

And definitely get tested.

LC


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Oh please, your wife did not put your life at risk. She refused your advances and came clean about what she did. Where did she place your life at risk? That she did this before is pure conjecture. Maybe she did and maybe not. Unless she tells you she did, don't allow people to fill your head with their nonsense. You are in a bad enough state of mind to be wondering how many times she did anything like this. You need to be able to believe her right now. She has only been upfront with you. As bad as her behavior was, she has been upfront right down to telling you what she was about to do, not allowing you to be intimate with her, and telling you what she did. Deal with the facts, not someone on the internet who simply likes following me all around the board to discredit everything I say. Oh well, I guess that is part of what you get when you post on forums. Sorry about that and hope it doesn't mess with your head too badly.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> Hold on a minute. I said hold on a minute. No really, HOLD ON A MINUTE!
> 
> You would not want her to leave you if you came down with an illness.
> 
> ...


One thing I would like to clear up to break some ice, who ever assists me here, you are more than welcome to address me as "****" for short. I will take no offense to this.

Susan, thank you. Your words have reached me. I have kept up with yours and everyones posts here and utilized most of them in conversing with my W. You've helped me understand that this could be an illness and my leaving her right now would not be right as I would not want that should I come down with one. 

I did tell her I was seriously considering divorce. She knows very well how I feel about trust and infidelity as we discussed this deeply prior to our marriage and periodically throughout our years together. We talked long and hard about everything tonight. I was her first everything, kiss, sex, first love and she tells me that this is the only time, ever, that she has committed such a drastic blow to our relationship. I know my W very well and judging her body language I believe her on this.

When I told her I was considering divorce, she freaked. Entered a state of panic that I have never seen before from her. She begged and pleaded and promises that she will do what ever it takes to save us. I, however, am still somewhat reluctant to take her up on this. I told her I used to trust her completely with my life. And expressed to her how she has shattered every ounce of trust I ever had in her. She lied at first when she told me nothing happened. She explained that she only said that because the time was not right to discuss it and that is the reason she denied me sex when I asked shortly after she got home. I can appreciate her honesty about it in our later discussions. She came completely clean, was very verbal on all the details of what happened. She said the man she was with wanted to see more of her yet she did not disclose to him that she was married and told him to forget her, no contact information was exchanged. She has also agreed to go to the clinic with me tomorrow for extensive STD testing and said no sex until the results are in is fine and she will not retaliate on me for not having sex during our waiting period. She has also agreed to counseling and says she has always understood my wanting breaks from sex, but doesn't know why she does/did what she did. She said she felt like something evil took her over. With such a possible illness, I also believe and understand this.

I don't think I will file just yet come Monday, but that option is not off the table and I don't think it will be for some time. I have A LOT of thinking to do. I am VERY adamant on my beliefs of infidelity and this will be very hard for me to overcome, even with it being an illness on her part but I will do what I can to fight the thoughts of leaving right now. This is something that will not easily exit my mind and I feel even in the future it may strain our relationship. I need to think this through and come the results of the STD tests and a possible diagnosis from a counselor/doctor, that may be the final decision. Now, only time will tell.

We took the kids to grandmas house tonight for the weekend and plan on spending the entire weekend together, just us, all weekend alone with our first date of going to the clinic. How romantic. I find it hard to believe that she will be OK with no sex what so ever all weekend. I will be utterly surprised if she can accomplish this successfully. Her nor I made no offers tonight about sex and there was no emotional abuse from it. That alone felt like a rock was lifted from my chest.

In response to another poster, should divorce be the road taken, I would fight for sole custody of the children only until she gets better. I am not spiteful and I would not in anyway wish to take my children away from their mother, but until she is completely better, I would feel it to be an unsafe environment for them. Once she is better then I would agree to joint custody and respect the kids wishes should they want to see mom or stay with me.

Thank you everyone for all of your insight. Right now my W and I are OK. I don't plan on filing just yet and she has agreed to all boundaries I have asked for as stated above. Right now, time is our best friend. We will take every second as a baby step towards a successful recovery. I do feel there is a slight possibility, but I don't know yet if it will be. I will update should anything change and check back for any further thoughts or advice. You all have been a great help, especially you, Susan. Thank you.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I am glad to see you are going to try to work things out. I am also glad to see she is willing to take major steps in order to prove to you that she can be trusted and that she wants to work things out as well. I would like to caution you, however, on the STD testing. It DOES need to be done, no doubt about that. However, it can take a few weeks to a few months, depending on the particular disease (HIV, for example, is anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months, depending on the health of your immune system) to register on an STD panel. So...while you can go ahead and test immediately, you might also want to hold off sex for another 2-6 weeks and do the tests again, just to be more certain that the results would be accurate. 

I wish you both the best of luck with getting help for this, and working things out between you.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

And obviously buy her a vibrator of some sort.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> I am not spiteful and I would not in anyway wish to take my children away from their mother, but until she is completely better, I would feel it to be an unsafe environment for them. Once she is better then I would agree to joint custody and respect the kids wishes should they want to see mom or stay with me.


Okay, I'm going to let the other posters like Susan2010, Atholk, et al handle the emotional stuff but if you do decide to divorce, come meander over the Divorce part of this forum and I'll set you straight.

You are thinking, "I have the moral upper hand here (and you do) so the courts will give me the kids so I'll start planning right now."

I wouldn't be making decisions off of that. I totally understand you are in what I call "Pre-divorce Fantasy Mode."

Let me tell you how it goes with kids - she has two boobs and a vagina - she'll get custody of the kids. You'll get partial physical custody/visitation as the partner with the penis.

I don't care if she went out and slept with the NY Yankees that night. 

Doesn't matter if she's a sex addict. Judges don't care. They've heard it all.

It just doesn't work that way - who behaved and who didn't behave.

Again. . .I am just trying to snap you out of the normal "Pre-divorce Fantasy Mode" you are in right now so you can clear your head and decide how to proceed. I am not telling you to necessarily not divorce her or reconcile. . .that's for you to decide and I am letting others on the forum advise you one way or the other on that. . .just preparing you for the journey you may decide to embark on.

From. . .Scannerguard. . .your divorce tour guide.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Yep, I agree with atruckersgirl and Atholk. There is a dormant period for most STDs, so get creative for a while. Wear a condom and the vibrator is an excellent idea. 

I'm so glad, ****, that you're willing to give your marriage a second chance. You're pensive and that's more than understandable. Just see what happens and see how you feel later and you both can be working on the relationship and recovery in the meanwhile. I'm awfully happy to have helped in any way. Don't forget about yourself though. Your emotional well being is more important than anything right now. Visit MarriageBuilders.com and read for a little while. Not all the circumstances apply specifically to you, as you know yours are on the unique side, so maybe begin with Part 3. My very best to you.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

****, if I may I'm thinking something else too. It's possible what your wife is experiencing is something physiological, at least as much as possible that it is psychological. So she needs a full medical workup with emphasis on hormone testing, along with psychiatric evaluation. I wouldn't have any idea if something else could be involved and needs to be tested. I'm just thinking her urges seem physical to me. One thing to help rule that out is if she is on the Pill. Most prescriptions regulate hormones and subdue sexual desire. So if she has been on the Pill and still experiencing uncontrollable urges, then the problem likely is not hormonal. Just wanted to put that out there.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I am so, so sorry and really don't want to get on your nerves. I just read a PM and the member made a good point. I told them I should share with you. I never heard of it and it might be valuable.

This is what was stated.......
_I agree she must have a mental problem (I head read those who are Bi-Polor have a very high incidence of sex addiction)._"

I'm sure "head" was meant to be "have".


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Susan2010:

I am glad you are trying to save this marriage, honestly I am. . .especially with kids involved. Heck, I am too in my own way with my advice on snapping him out of his "pre-divorce fantasy" that he'll get the kids.

Now. . .that being said and that being "disclaimed", I can't help but think if the genders were reversed here, that you'd be much less than charitable.

Let's reverse this:

A guy wants sex 5-9x/week and one night the wife turns him down and he says, "Fine. . .I'm getting some p**sy elsewhere." and then he proceeds to go out and bang a skank that night.

Then all of the sudden, boo-hoo, he's sorry. Take me back please? I"m sorry. All better?

I think the women of the forum would be advising the woman to drop the man like a hot potato.

Sorry if I am just saying what I think a lot of men are thinking on this forum but I'll let you speak to that while I drop it here.

BTW, my assertion is backed up by some research (I think Masters/Kinsey) - women are much less likely to forgive infidelty than men. The theory by the psychologists are that men can understand being sexually impulsive. . .having a moment of weakness. Women can't really grasp that as well. However, this didn't seem impulsive. . .there was a malicious intent to hurt. I just couldn't assign this to a "moment of weakness."


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Is it possible at all this fits her behaviour : Manic Hypersexuality and the Reality of Sexual Addiction

You said she has ALWAYS been this way, not something new or out of the blue- the "needing" it SOOOO much. Some Bi-polars have a REAL struggle in this area. Just a thought.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> BTW, my assertion is backed up by some research (I think Masters/Kinsey) - women are much less likely to forgive infidelty than men. The theory by the psychologists are that men can understand being sexually impulsive. . .having a moment of weakness. Women can't really grasp that as well.


 I agree with Scannerguard here, cause when my drive was lower, I always felt I could NEVER forgive any kind of cheating, infact I made comments how I would Cut his balls off -just thinking about it -- then when I started feeling HIGHLY sexual myself , I clearly have a change of heart on the whole thing and can understand /even emphasize with some Men who are not getting it -even women -if they fall. I realized I could have myself -if my own husband was not willing -enough! I find I am much more merciful now. 

This husband was going above & beyond though in satisfying her needs, she really fell to a LOW point to do that after having sex just 12 hours earlier in the day. Just imperitive to get her checked out mentally and hormonally & of coarse waiting to make sure no STD's of coarse. I am sure she learned a HARD lesson, a shame it took this to wake her up to the gravity of her out of control tendencies, but no reason to throw a perfecty good marraige away over this 1 time. Sounds like the communication is very very good in this marraige and the LOVE is there. Save it.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Susan2010:Now. . .that being said and that being "disclaimed", I can't help but think if the genders were reversed here, that you'd be much less than charitable.


Scannerguard, you and Kobo keep trying to pigeon hole me because you don't like things I say to some men. I'd probably be irritated if I didn't find the absurdity and how ridiculous you make yourselves look (mainly Kobo) so amusing.

I'm turning the question back on you to ask why you so conveniently cherry pick my responses to question and criticize as if there are no women who probably wish they could scratch my eyes out. I can think of several off hand but here is one for your reading pleasure. See what I mean? You make yourself look ridiculous by accusing me so falsely all the time. Instead of trying to pigeon hole and vilify me, consider taking my response to the circumstances into consideration. Or at least acknowledging and accepting that *I* take the individual circumstances into consideration.

Less than charitable? I owe you no defense but will go on and offer this response not only to again show you how wrong you are - in that clearly this is a woman I am addressing - but also because I completely express my position on divorce.

So you and I don't ever have to visit here again. Capisci?!

And, honestly now, you do this man a great disservice by paying the events of his life these past couple days so little respect as to make mockery.



Scannerguard said:


> A guy wants sex 5-9x/week and one night the wife turns him down and he says, "Fine. . .I'm getting some p**sy elsewhere." and then he proceeds to go out and bang a skank that night.
> 
> Then all of the sudden, boo-hoo, he's sorry. Take me back please? I"m sorry. All better?


Seriously??? Seriously now!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Scannerguard made a blunt, frank, and spot-on comparison if one flipped the genders and a man did what the OP's wife did.

It is outrageous behavior regardless.

Be it because of her having a borderline personality disorder, is bipolar, or having any other mental or neurological disorder or illness, the fact remains that what she did put both she and her husband at risk for STDs and the behavior didn't just appear out of thin air.

Schizophrenia can show up in midlife, a brain tumor can cause behavior changes like that. But the other personality disorders? Those arrive earlier.

It defies logic to believe what she, the OP's wife says given the irrationality and sexual acting out occurring.

Most cheaters try to minimize or deny what they are doing. That she both announced she was going out to get some sex and then did it over not getting sex after no deprivation whatsoever, is alarming, disturbing, and not something that the OP has to take.

It seems to me that if the OP's wife refuses to be psychologically and neurologically examined by a board certified psychiatrist and neurologist and STDs are not addressed, that she presents a danger to the OP. 

Nobody is in a state of extreme sexual deprivation if the frequency of relations as stated is what happened. Her reaction is, again, outrageous.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Susan2010:

You are overreacting. 

I called you out onto the carpet but it wasn't to embarrass you. It was to simply take issue with something I observed - a double standard.

You could have just said, "Well, I hadn't thought about it that way."

As the poster above noted, this was outrageous behavior and it's immediately shrugged off as bi-polar behavior or medicalized into some addiction. Well, not "shrugged off" - I don't think you were casually shrugging it off. . .but I don't know. . .your opinion was well, female biased, that's all.

If a guy were to do what she did - he'd be a pig, plain and simple. End of story. Don't want to hear it. Game over. A team of attorney would have been called in for advice on how to tar, feather, and disembowel him.

I'm sorry if I offended you in pointing out a double standard, but that's the beauty of our relationship - we make each other think, no?

Honestly, don't take it personally - I think you give good advice and opinions and I am not telling the OP to ignore your advice. You are trying to save a marriage after all. Your advice may be the most difficult to swallow but also the correct one.

Maybe the women of the forum will have a chance to have your remedy dispensed.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

michzz, you make no point that has not already been established, and your premise is way off. 

1. He told us she has always been this way, so why did you feel the need to repeat that in such accusing and incriminating tone? 

2. You speak with some authority concerning the various disorders but if you really knew about them, you would know words like "irrationality," "outrageous," "logic" do not apply. They only apply to people who are not possessed of such disorders. They are words we use to describe the behaviors simply because the behaviors are to us "_alarming, disturbing, and not something that_" anyone knows how to deal with otherwise. The same standards are not relevant except when actions are taken to bring the person's ability to think and behave within the realm of what everyone else considers normal.

Therefore, Scannerguard's comparison was not spot-on because he (and you) based it on non-extreme (is that a word?) circumstances. He compared apples to oranges. Plus you both keep trying to make this about gender. You don't consider the fact that what she did is the same kind of *compulsive* behavior that people with mental disorders suffer. It is equal among men and women though the level and nature of compulsiveness varies depending on the disorder. A person who suffers from depression is not nearly (during the low periods) so manic and compulsive as a person who suffers OCD. Each disorder varies but is hardly exclusive to gender.

I know that along with Scannerguard and Kobo your attempt is to accuse me of making a difference between men and women. So I just explained, for your sake, that I have some familiarity with mental disorders since mentioning my sister failed to give you the clue. I don't know much about it and certainly cannot say I know about all the various disorders within each spectrum. I am only saying, I tried to make myself understand my sister, so I read to obtain enough education to know I cannot apply terms like "crazy" or "outrageous" or "abnormal" or "insane" and the like to anything she did. For her, it is all normal.....and much of it is compulsive. So yes, were **** a woman my response would be exactly the same.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Susan2010 said:


> michzz, you make no point that has not already been established, and your premise is way off.
> 
> 1. He told us she has always been this way, so why did you feel the need to repeat that in such accusing and incriminating tone?


Actually, since you're calling me out Susan, I'll respond to you. Your perception of tone is strictly your own, not mine. I'm making a subjective judgment call as valid as any you are making. When people act out as first described, folks who have a normal range of expected behavior consider the acting out to be out of bounds--as in not something to be incorporated into their lives. It's too destructive.

My premise is not way off based on what the OP wrote:



Homosapien said:


> As said, this has never happened before nor has she ever said she would seek sex elsewhere. I have never had any reason for distrust as said we work same hours, days off and are always together 24/7 outside of work.







Susan2010 said:


> 2. You speak with some authority concerning the various disorders but if you really knew about them, you would know words like "irrationality," "outrageous," "logic" do not apply. They only apply to people who are not possessed of such disorders. They are words we use to describe the behaviors simply because the behaviors are to us "_alarming, disturbing, and not something that_" anyone knows how to deal with otherwise. The same standards are not relevant except when actions are taken to bring the person's ability to think and behave within the realm of what everyone else considers normal.


A person can understand that another person is disturbed for variety of reasons. However, that does not change the standards of acceptable behavior. A wife declaring she is going to go out and get some sex with a random stranger and doing it? Is that to be accepted merely because her acting out that way is out of her control? What if the "thought" she has is to bring home those random strangers the next time while the children are there?

If someone is mentally disturbed to the point of their disturbance is disrupting the peace and harmony of a family and giving their children a distressed life, then the standards of the normal world have to trump that of the disturbed.

This is not a position without empathy for their plight. Just pointing out the validity of boundaries.

There are places designed to handle destructive behavior. They are called psychiatric care facilities. A home with children, a spouse. Not really prepared for such things.

The standards of behavior in a home, a marriage have a far higher bar than just doing whatever you want to do because it feels right to me right now in my warped sense of reality.




Susan2010 said:


> Therefore, Scannerguard's comparison was not spot-on because he (and you) based it on non-extreme (is that a word?) circumstances. He compared apples to oranges. Plus you both keep trying to make this about gender. You don't consider the fact that what she did is the same kind of *compulsive* behavior that people with mental disorders suffer. It is equal among men and women though the level and nature of compulsiveness varies depending on the disorder. A person who suffers from depression is not nearly (during the low periods) so manic and compulsive as a person who suffers OCD. Each disorder varies but is hardly exclusive to gender.


The comparison that was made worked for me because the standard playbook to label a type of behavior as "bad" typically is one where bashing the man who does such a thing is blessed because he is a man. That very same playbook always seems to find reasons to explain away similar behavior if a woman does it. And first on that explaining away is that some man made her do it.

BTW, it was not established that the OP's wife has a true compulsion. as in some kind of OCD. Again, I really think the whole medical intervention should commence.



Susan2010 said:


> I know that along with Scannerguard and Kobo your attempt is to accuse me of making a difference between men and women. So I just explained, for your sake, that I have some familiarity with mental disorders since mentioning my sister failed to give you the clue. I don't know much about it and certainly cannot say I know about all the various disorders within each spectrum. I am only saying, I tried to make myself understand my sister, so I read to obtain enough education to know I cannot apply terms like "crazy" or "outrageous" or "abnormal" or "insane" and the like to anything she did. For her, it is all normal.....and much of it is compulsive. So yes, were **** a woman my response would be exactly the same.


You may want to attempt to realize that others have familiarity with mental problems and have further realized that standards of behavior do not shift just because someone is ill.

That a disturbed person considers their behavior normal illustrates further the need for the normal persons whose life they impact have their own choices in life to protect.

A wife going out to have random sex, lying, staying out extremely late, etc. Not acceptable.

And my pointing out the likelihood that the OP's wife has done this before is based on life experience, hearing stories about borderline personalities, and those with bipolar disorders all my growing up in an MD's household.

I am not a health professional.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

You ALL have given great advice. There is a side of me that says leave her NOW and F-it all while the other side says stick with her, find out whats wrong. I am leaning strongly towards that side. Try to help. She has submitted to help and has agreed to any and all testing to find out what made her do that. Personally, besides sex addiction, bi-polar sounds exact to me. I am not a doc so I can not 'diagnose' per se, but yes I do have a family member who is bi-polar and come to think of it, a lot of the way my W acts out (not only regarding sex, there are other minor instances that point to this) really strikes a note. We have an appointment with our family doc on this for Weds. If he cant say what it is, a referral will be in order.

Scanner: I wasn't saying I would take the kids from her and thinking I had all the ammo to do so, I meant that I would try my damnedest to do it, only until she was better. I have enough evidence to help with this and my finances will allow me a very good lawyer, however, if this would fail, I would have to basically bend over and take it up the tailpipe. I understand this and should it happen as I'm sure chances are good it very well may, I am prepared for it. All I could do then is pray for my kids to understand what is going on. But all that aside and as this day has progressed, I am feeling more like things may work out. The option of filing is still not off the table for me, but it has been buried under other, more important priorities. My W has been really wonderful today. Continually exclaiming that she has no idea why she did it and expresses that she wants to know why. I can honestly say, she has never been like this and it all seems so weird... I am nearly 100% that it is a mental problem. Just by how she has been acting.

We went to the clinic today and it went well. There were several tests they had immediate answers for, the basic, curable stuff, for example all came back negative. HIV/HPV, and other serious stuff they said will take 3-5 weeks. Hooray. My W said we do not have to have sex at all during this time, but hinted to the use of protection....... I don't think I can, not even with condoms. The vibrator idea will work, I can perform that on her while we improvise on other means for my satisfaction. Right now that is not really my concern. I think I will be able to satisfy her and not worry about mine. This is all still too fresh in my memory. I will repeat the more severe tests once the results are in, perhaps to cover the 'dormant' periods.

Another night of no sex. Its been a while since Ive gone 2 nights in a row without it and I'm OK with it. I'm still in somewhat of a state of shock that I have not received any emotional abuse from it, I mean, my W has not pressured it at all. Amazing. I may be able to continue this entire week without the need.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

yo ****, u firstlol: didnt mean it that way): 
i'm w/ susan on forgiveness part. glad to read u r considering it. i'm not saying u wouldnt be justified if u went the divorce route after u ascertained u didnt have the strength to go thru w/ reconcilation road. only u know u n yer
situation best. 
i believe u r going to stay/work it out, as u have too much time/sex/kids/house invested w/ this nympho W, and yer anger talking will subside.
(yeah, i said it, cant believe no one else here didnt. 6-9x wk after 15yrs? what color was yer pill?) u say u know her body lang eh? hope ur right as she reads as tho' shes done this b4 or had it planned. but tell me, why did u watch her dress n leave the house? no alarms? no "get yer hiney back in this bed, i'll deal w/ u in the a.m.? u enabled her sex drive for 15yrs
so did u enable her partner choice by watching her go?(its a stretch, but food 4 thought):scratchhead:

Susan/Scanner et al. scanner makes some good pts as i've seen u n sister359(?) teaming/ganging up on some fellas on
TAM, from a gender biased pt of view, which leads yerself open to claims of double std/hypocrocy from time time. i'm sure this isnt 100% of the time, but hey yer women, yer entitiled.
no really, we all can fall prey to this claim, cuz i too have only
a male oriented focus/focal pt on things as thats the "equipment" i've been given naturally.

i would hope no one here leaves anyone 'cuz of mental illness. yet i venture to say that some would be more supportive if they were removed or divorced from the situation, rather than emotionally or maritally involved. 
so we need not rule out divorce as if it would be a TOTAL abandonment of a H/W patient.

like most posts here at TAM, theres perhaps alot or pertinent history the OP is not telling us, that would enlighten us n our responses if he did so.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Thanx CB and you're right. I should've stopped her but to be totally honest, I had no clue, no idea and didn't think for a second that she meant what she said. I really didn't believe she was going to leave as she said. She has made empty threats similar to this in the past and never followed through with them. She usually does that to get a response from me which I did this time as well. When she leaves, she will drive around the block a time or two then come back. Shes never gone more than 5 mins and this has actually only happened twice before. I told her to get her @$$ back to bed and she scoffed at me as usual. I am quite used to this treatment and didn't feel any threat to it until she was gone for 15 mins. then 30 and before I knew it, it was hours later then she comes home with alcohol on her breath. Ok the anger is returning. Time to stop talking about it.

As far as not covering any missed details, I can't think of any. Like I said before I was her 1st everything. We didn't have sex for almost a year when we 1st met and after our 1st time she seemed addicted right from the start. I remember that as if it were yesterday. We had finished our very 1st time. It had to be seconds later she said she wanted more. I told her to give me a few mins and I would be ready again and you know, that seemed to hit a nerve with her then. She said never mind, take me home and I did. Its been very similar every since our 1st time only there has been good times (good as in similar to the nevermind, take me home part) and bad (as in what has just most recently happened). As far as anything else, I think its safe to say I meet all of her needs. We hold hands when we talk together, we hug/kiss/tell each other we love eachother VERY frequently, I cook, clean, do everything except laundry. She does the laundry as she likes too and likes it done a certain way. We use between 10-20 hrs together a week for 'just us', etc etc. Am I missing anything? Shes always telling me I'm the man of her dreams, her knight in shining armor and feels we're soulmates. Besides the sex part I can't think of anything she could be missing in our marriage :scratchhead:

So far everything still seems OK. No hints of sex from either of us and she seems like shes dealing with it. I don't know. I'm shocked she hasn't wanted to improvise. I have condoms but am not ready to initiate anything. I may follow through should she but she hasn't. This is all still too hard for me to swallow. I need to lay down and rest.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Sorry, to avoid any confusion, when I said she has done this before. I meant she has briefly left and just said she was leaving for a while. She has never said she would seek sex elsewhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Homosapien said:


> She said nothing and got out of bed a few minutes later and began getting dressed. Not casually, but nicely dressed. I asked her where she was going and her reply: "If you're not going to do me I'm going to find someone who will". She walked out the door... WTF?!?


I don't think I misunderstood what YOU wrote.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I'll try this a last time for however far it gets.

Michzz, the only thing I can think of what you wrote is "moot." That's it. Again, you make no point that has not already been established. And to predicate it all on an *if, then* scenario is also moot since I had already suggested both that she get testing done and evaluation, plus **** let us know she had already agreed. Maybe it makes you feel better to keep pressing/reiterating/hammering the enormity and disturbing nature of the issue, but it only seems to help you to harp on it since ****, obviously, is acutely aware.

Scanner, I have a lot of respect for the way you feel, and I won't even try to deny that were circumstances different - I said different, I didn't say reversed - I would want to go pack a person's belongings and move them out myself LOL. However, you so often bring up very good points that are way out of context. Or, you bring up good points that literally cannot be debated because, as in this case, you are comparing apples and oranges. It simply cannot be debated in cogent fashion. When I write the book, I'll send you a copy. In the meanwhile, my novel-length responses are more than enough. I didn't take any offense at all. I simply hoped you would understand that this thread written by **** would have received precisely the same response had it been written by Helen. So here I am spelling it out...........

*If a guy did what his wife did, I would suggest Helen leave him.

*If a woman did what his wife did, I would suggest **** leave her.

*If a guy did what his wife did and had an obvious illness that clearly had the potential to cause such a compulsive and impetuous action, I would suggest Helen stick by his side.

*If a woman did what his wife did and had an obvious illness that clearly had the potential to cause such a compulsive and impetuous action, I would suggest **** stick by her side. 

There is no gender-based double standard. If there is a double standard at all, which there probably is, it is only for the sake of discovering the compulsive disorder, and therefore, for the sake of the marriage.

Based on what I was trying to explain earlier, there was no intentional display of disrespect here. By my standard, your standard, Michzz's standard, and ****'s standard, it is a terrible thing she did. But in actuality, she acted almost not of her volition. It was unexpected but it was inevitable. Now that her problem has manifested itself as being a heck of lot more than just perplexing, they can begin to work on diagnosis and treatment, and they can begin to rebuild their marriage if **** decides he wants to.

I am exhausted to have to repeatedly explain something so simple. **** gets it because there is nothing difficult about it. You guys are making way more than it is or has to be.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Okay, calm down. . .I didn't mean to incite a fight on this subject. . .I was just merely pointing out what I thought was a double standard and yes, let's face it - men and women are different (apples and oranges) and I do think there may be something "off kilter" with this woman that she would do that and if a guy does it, well, he's just a pig.

But if everyone here is as 2010 as you say you are, hell, next time I am in a relationship, I'll tell my gf or wife that I going out and getting sex elsewhere if she doesn't give to me, and then medicalize my behavior.

I just want the women of the forum to stop and think.

Now. . .onto the topic at hand. . .here's the rub, ****:

You say you are ready to forgive. As reasonable and caring as a guy you seem, I don't think you are.

In essence, emotionally, this was the same thing as a man going up to his wife, threatening to hit her if she didn't give him sex, and then following through and proceeding to give her a black eye.

(and personally, I would have preferred my wife, if I didn't give her sex to hit me with a frying pan in the eye than do what your wife did to you)

And while I think you are generally a forgiving guy (just on what I see on your posts). . .eh. . .this isn't gong to come as easily as you think it is.

Just warning you.

Just because your Lord Jesus Christ commands you to (or whatever doctrine you follow). . .trust me. . .forgiveness won't be instantaneous. It won't be easy. It may happen with or without divorce. The two decisions will take separate paths. She wounded you big time and from someone who is supposed to love you. 

In fact, while we are medicalizing everything, it's safe to say she abused you.

I know because even though I am better and I am starting to forgive my stb-x as just chalking it up to who she is and how she was raised, it's been a year and I think I am generally forgiving guy. I am trying to just focus on what I did wrong and my faults vs. hers.

As far as the legal stuff. . .a lawyer really can't make a difference too much on who gets the kids. Yeah, he can try to smear her in court and you could certainly get them a lot as a father nowadays (up to 50% of the time) but I am just telling you, it won't work that way - like they'll keep her away from the kids and hand you primary physical custody because she's disturbed. It's about $15,000 for a court ordered psychological evaluation and really, what are they going to find out?

She's a very horny toad?

I know this becuase I explored this option with my mediator about her not being right psychologically. She's mean, she depressed. . .I don't think she's the best influence on our children as far as being patient with them (and she would admit she flies off the handle and even I do too, just not as much) but she provides and she gets through the day and feeds them and educates them and that's kind of what the courts would look at - the kids perspective. Are they going to be nutured? And the burden of proof on you as the father would be prove otherwise.

In other words, you don't start on a level playing field as the Dad and the judge goes from there. . .you have to remove her off the field.

I just don't want you off and doing normal, male fantasizing about how it will go in divorce. In that, I hope I motivate you in a different way to work at it and prepare for the long journey ahead of you.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

did **** say what state he's in? and his knowledge of their div-laws?
i still vote he'll stay/keep it together, unless he finds an open
pandoras box. 
i also assume theres no hypocracy present here in this sad story.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Scanner: You're right. I am not completely ready to forgive, but I am repeatedly telling myself that I can in time. I have strong beliefs about what happened and I'm torn in two on which road I should take. If this is a mental issue then I will do all I can to work with it but if not, well, that will be a whole different story. We have a doc appt. on weds. We'll see what they say.

CB: I'm in Ohio and I've no clue on the div. laws or what my outlook would be should that be the route taken. I have not yet done any research on them as, and I don't want to sound like a bad person for saying this, I hope the doc is able to diagnose something wrong, wrong but treatable. That will be the answer to the future of our marriage. I really wish my whole ordeal was nothing but hypocrisy. I wish I could say none of this happened and I understand your thoughts on that. What has happened to me is so outrageous its even hard for me to believe. I still hope I wake up someday and it all disappears.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

i feel ya dude.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

I cant believe you're all calling this guy a **** and he's been having sex with a woman "6-9 times a week". It's outrageous!!!:smthumbup:

I commend this guy for his being able to keep a calm mind and sort this out. I think people who are untrained need to be careful labeling behavour as "sex addict" "bi polar". 

She sounds the very least to be very impulsive. When I read what she did originally I immediatly knew she slept with a guy that night. Her behavour after the fact was classic.

What's most important here is her ability to recognize herself what's going on. If she is in some sort of denial then I would leave. I would also be very careful. People are usually very contrite after the fact for a short period of time and then there behavour could continue when they get comfortable again.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

brad said:


> I cant believe you're all calling this guy a **** and he's been having sex with a woman "6-9 times a week". It's outrageous!!!:smthumbup:
> 
> I commend this guy for his being able to keep a calm mind and sort this out. I think people who are untrained need to be careful labeling behavour as "sex addict" "bi polar".
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Okay, calm down. . .I didn't mean to incite a fight on this subject. . .I was just merely pointing out what I thought was a double standard and yes, let's face it - men and women are different (apples and oranges) and I do think there may be something "off kilter" with this woman that she would do that and if a guy does it, well, he's just a pig.



A double standard that needs to be continually pointed out. Hopefully you don't get banned for addressing it....



Scannerguard said:


> I just want the women of the forum to stop and think.


Also, the men reading their advice need to stop and think


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Why would I get banned? 

Am I posting from the Island of Amazonia?

If so. . .cool! :FIREdevil:

(heh, heh)


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Scanner, I wasn't talking about the apples and oranges differences between men and women. I was saying you can't compare a person with a compulsive disorder to a person not possessed of one. I thought I made that clear but I guess not.


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## Homosapien (Mar 26, 2010)

Well its been almost 2 weeks with no sex and both of us have been doing fine with it. No hateful remarks or actions on her part and I'm actually doing ok myself. Amazing.

We went to our family doc last weds. We told him everything that happened and he thinks something is amiss but stopped short of saying what it might be. He referred us to a therapist within our healthcare network and our first appointment is tomorrow.

I'm actually stunned at how good things have been going. There is no evidence of her sneaking out to get a 'fix', no talk what so ever about getting me to have sex with her, well, she did say once that she can't wait until it can happen again. We both took two weeks off work and have been together the entire time, and still no results from the rest of the STD tests. Hopefully we'll hear something this week. Not that I'm itching to have sex, I/we would just like to know.


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## Tlively (May 17, 2018)

So are you still together?!?!?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

reading all this, i am thinking she is NOT bipolar. If so she would have hid her sexual 2nd life from you meticulously. 

I am thinking she is mad at you for some slight, or a series of perceived slights, has her foot out the door and just said "what the heck", and told you she was going out to get laid...and did. Kind of forcing a divorce.

You will probably find she has Cyber EAs going on.....that spurred he to think she was not getting the sexual attention she "deserved"

Its kind of an evil way to trigger a divorce. She COULD have just asked you for one, and started dating when it got formalized, or at least when you two were legally separated. Not a lot of love there, and THAT is a big problem if you have any wild ideas about forgiving her.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This thread is 8 years old.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Ive read most of the first page...my eye is twitching. Moving on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)




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