# Advise concidering divorce



## Corky19699901 (Nov 28, 2012)

I found out 2 months ago, After returning from a bussiness trip that my wife of 16 years had been having an affair on me. It started out emotional and turned physical while I was gone. 
Since then I have caught her a couple times meeting this guy and talking to him still. At this point two months later she is still talking to him and I suspect still being physical. 
She says she loves this guy but yet is not ready to leave me. Actually shes unsure about wanting to be married to me but I guess this is better then being sure. 
I do not know why she stays, Maybe its for the two boys we have or maybe its for financial reasons I don't know. I do know she is unwilling to stop seeing him so I am at a loss as to what to do as we fight offten about the continued lies and misstrust. 
She says she loves me but has no desire to be touched by me nor any desire at all for physical contact with me. 
I love her very much which is the only thing keeping me here. 
We are both seeing our individual counselors and she refuses to see a joint. 
What am I to do? give up and walk away or stay and continue to be hurt?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Often times, cheating spouses need a push to get them out of the fog they are in.

Your wife is staying right now because you are the back-up plan. If things don't work out with her and her other man, she'll come running back to the security of your home. 

It's time to stop being a doormat here. You tell her that she needs to decide RIGHT NOW what she wants. None of this "I love you honey but don't touch me" sh!t. What she's doing here is she is saving herself for her OM. It happens all the time.

If she chooses you, you need to tell her she has to go no contact with this guy right away and send him a no contact letter. If she works with him, she has to find a new job. She has to get a new phone number to and delete all email and social media accounts. She must be willing to be 100% transparent to you, allowing you to look at all acounts and texts WHENEVER you want.

Ask a moderator to move this to the Coping With Infidelity section right away. You'll get lots of great advice and help there

Good luck and stop being second choice


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