# I just don't know anything anymore



## vettewizer (Sep 15, 2009)

I really just don't know where to start so I just will. Been married 9yrs 10months. We have three kids and Sept 3rd my wife tells me she feels nothing. Before that honestly I don't think I could have been happier. Which falls under my curse, It seems I have a pattern in my life. Just when I think everythng is great and am truely happy, the women in my life leave or otherwise say diffrent. So it has to be me to some extent. All I can get out of her is she feels empty. She knows she loves me in her head but doesn't feel it in her heart, she said it feels like she is numb. It also came out that she feels she has no opinion in the marraige and I dissagreed. She has had nothing but opinions in the marriage. I wanted to move where it was cheaper to live at a time when I could have gotten great money for our house. We where haveing problems and we could have sold the house, built a house with a kitchen of her dreams cash where I wanted and had money left over. The impact would have been a long commute for me to work and back. Her argument was well my days with the kids would be longer so NO. Everything seems to center around the kids and how hard she has it. She is a stay at home mom but that was her choice. I asked her years ago what she wanted to do? We agreed that since I made more money and she would just work to pay a daycare, she said she would stay home. Trust me I know they are a hand full I have watched them on weekends when she wanted time to herself. It wasn't easy and I've told her that, honestly there was times I was glad to go back to work on Monday.

I think we started having issues in 04 when we lost our son. It was a horrible time and no parent should have to go through that. She wanted to go to counseling, I was iffy on it but went because she wanted to. I figured well maybe it would help. It was really just the same thing every session and it was not helping me. So we stopped going but not before I expressed how I felt about it. To me it focused on her and how hard she had it everyone was like oh it must be so hard for you. Nobody really cared what I felt. I was told man it sucks, oh well your a guy suck it up. So I did after awhile I knew If we where going to survive I had responsiblilty and had to go back to work even if I felt like I wanted to quit my job, crawl in a hole and die. My other issue is, even thou I'm not sure It's because I'm hurting or not I feel like I'm married to her mom, and two friends. Her friends makes comments like, "you let him get away with that?" I bought a 40" tv after I looked around and got the best deal possible. It's not by any means a top end box. She likes to watch TV, I figured ok I'll get a nice HD TV for us. It burns my ass that her friends husband buys a boat and a harley and we say hey great. Then she turns around and gets crap from them. 

I just feel like before we where like a piece of steel. I always knew we were ok, we might have some dents but nothing that was not fixable. After the 3rd I guess, I found out it was a piece of glass and it just shattered my whole life. All my decisions where: ok what would my wife think, what is best for the kids. The worse thought I had was," gee if I didn't have to think about my wife and kids my decision would be a heck of alot eaiser." We have been talking a bit and I know if we stay they way we are we will not make it. I am afraid of what will come out in therapy. I am really hurt and feeling more alone then I ever have. I don't want to say something out of anger or because I'm so hurt. I guess the thing that really kicks me in the butt is I had secretly setup a renewal of our wedding vows this Oct. our 10yr anniversary. I had asked her if there was someone esle and she kind of laughed at me and said don't be crazy, which hurt but I took it and I asked, if you didn't tell me would you have renewed your vows had I sprung this on you like I wanted. She said probably not, so I'm kind of going into a shutdown right now.


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