# Is it: All men, my husband or is it me?



## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

I'm just wondering here if its me, my husband or all men in general and I'm just being to sensitive. My husband leaves his computer on all day while he is at work, and I'm tempted to (and do) check his history. Not because he's cheated or given me reason to physically but I caught him hiding porn from me and in an open relationship where we watched it regularly, it caused me to. Anyway, he's always googling celebrities and models and searching images of them, clothed and nude and like there was a news story here about pole dancers but we left and didnt watch it. I noticed the story was in his history, guess he wanted to see it! My question is, do all men do this or is it my husband? I dont feel like it's me? I mean weve been married 5 years this Thursday, have 2 kids and my body isnt excellent...I am getting surgery on my stomach beginning of next year that I've been saving for forever! Will the searches stop when I do? Or is it just nothing that I should giggle about and continue to love him.
* Please note I never tell him I check it and he has no idea I check!


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

It's a behavioral thing. The hiding especially. We hide because we don't want our loved ones to know how dark and perverted our minds can be. 

Also, it's a release if he is not getting needs met. No excuse I know, but it's sometimes easier to go and take matters in our own hands rather than getting **** down when we approach our wives for sex. 

I'd say just calmly discuss it and try not to be too judgmental on him. Once my wife and I discussed it - I told her why I used it and she told me why it bothered her - the problem sort of resolved itself. Needless to say, I don't look at it very often anymore. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

Sex isn't a problem though  But I just thought well he is a man, and maybe it's a thing that I just wont understand. It doesn't really bother me I don't think...I just don't understand it. Then again, if he saw me searching for male models or men etc. I do believe he would be bothered....but I don't have a need to.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

momof2bellas said:


> I'm just wondering here if its me, my husband or all men in general and I'm just being to sensitive. My husband leaves his computer on all day while he is at work, and I'm tempted to (and do) check his history. Not because he's cheated or given me reason to physically but I caught him hiding porn from me and in an open relationship where we watched it regularly, it caused me to. Anyway, he's always googling celebrities and models and searching images of them, clothed and nude and like there was a news story here about pole dancers but we left and didnt watch it. I noticed the story was in his history, guess he wanted to see it! My question is, do all men do this or is it my husband? I dont feel like it's me? I mean weve been married 5 years this Thursday, have 2 kids and my body isnt excellent...I am getting surgery on my stomach beginning of next year that I've been saving for forever! Will the searches stop when I do? Or is it just nothing that I should giggle about and continue to love him.
> * Please note I never tell him I check it and he has no idea I check!


 MY advice given what you wrote here - Giggle & continue to love. 

I am married to the most faithful loving man, waited 8 years dating to have sex with me, when we were married, didn't even masterbate inbetween our sessions and HE has loved a little naked porn -playboy Bunny style since he was 11 yrs old, hiding the magazines from his mom.

And since the day we got our 1st computer, he was been downloading them into files, like a collection. This is serioulsy the one & only thing in our marraige he TRIED to hide from me ( I used to be pretty conservative & up tight about a little porn). If I asked him DIRECTLY - he would owe up to it- I appreciated that. 

Every now & then I would snoop & find these folders, for a time I was upset, used to post scriptures on the computer screen when I found out , and he would quit for a time and still fall back into looking after a couple months. So Yes, I would also find these babes on his computer. 

He is also a lower Test man, what I am trying to say is --if my husband has this allure , I think most every man on this planet does -but they are usually afraid to tell their wives the truth.

I believe it is normal normal normal. I also don't feel it has any bearing on your sex life , our sex life is very very steamy but he still does this , still enjoys the looking, I give him so much sex I wear him out. 

And even the hottest women will have men who like to do this. Sounds like the stuff he is looking at is VERY VERY tame (THIS IS GOOD!) . 

As a woman, don't you ever look up hot movie actors online and want to see the latest Romance? (I know I do!) or read a Romantic book? -- I consider it just about the same as men enjoying a little porn. They are just more VISUAL than we are , not to mention having sex on the brain 10 times more than we do. 

Most women have your concern. I say if he is always having sex with you, you are never deprived, and you feel he puts you #1 in all things, you have a great husband and nothing to worry about. 

Nothing wrong with talking to him about it, but if he feels you are judging him, he may start hiding it more. 

MY husband WOULD give it up for me but he has told me, he would not be happy. I know he is telling me the truth. This is an enjoyable habit for many men. I do not think it makes them bad men. If I did , I would have to judge my own husband and well, I know what a wonderful man he is.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I don't know if it helps but color me guilty. If I see an attractive woman in a movie or something that I don't recognize I may Google her to see pics, etc. And if I hear about a celebrity sex tape I typically have to find it. Of course I also watch full on porn on occasion... I don't hide any of it though.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

momof2bellas said:


> It doesn't really bother me I don't think...I just don't understand it. Then again, if he saw me searching for male models or men etc. I do believe he would be bothered....but I don't have a need to.


You don't understand because you are a woman and your sex drive is not as unrelenting and HIGH as his. I never got it either until I hit my 40's turned into a cougar and I WANTED to look up naked men online, I thought I had a sex addiction, my husband found this pretty amusing . And I seriouly doubt your husband would be bothered either IF you wanted to look up hot men online (unless he is very conservative & religious), I bet you he would find it hot and he knows it would mean you want more sex!

I dare you --ASK HIM!


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Seriously. I WISH my wife looked at naked men online, at least I know it would mean she has a heartbeat.  (Meaning for sex, she definitely has a heart).


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## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

Ok ok! I'm glad it's a giggle and love him situation..I figured as much! Sometimes when Im feeling down, it bothers me but mostly I feel comfortable in our sex life and our love in general. He isnt conservative at all  But I know we were watching amovie a while back and I said wow, he is looking good to a GF who was with us and the look on his face, was priceless (this time I knew what he was searching for) and we went about our day! I enjoyed the semi jealous look I got!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yep, my estranged husband was guilty of that too. Apparently that was part of his activities on the computer some nights until 2 am. And yes, he was getting plenty of sex--me and a steady string of mistresses. I guess you are okay until some of the "nudes" are photos from web sites like passion.com and Adult Friend Finder......and he also has an active profile on those sites. Then it's time to worry!


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## faithfulwife85 (Jul 4, 2011)

I agree all men do this. Perfectly normal
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My husband turned my whole life into one perverted sexual mine field. On top of all that stuff you mentioned. If he treats you respectfully I wouldn't give it much mind so long as it is contained as would be any other hobby or interest and not cutting into your time. Of course this is not ideal that some men do manage to live by, and nicely so, but under the circumstances it is realistic. You'll drive yourself crazy checking up on him. That's not treating yourself respectfully. But if he starts suggesting threesomes with your new female friends, making comments about the babysitters and your kids' teachers and saying what he wants to do to the female newscaster every morning on TV while you are trying to enjoy your coffee and watch the news...then I would say, there is a bigger problem. That is respect.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

momof2bellas said:


> I'm just wondering here if its me, my husband or all men in general and I'm just being to sensitive. My husband leaves his computer on all day while he is at work, and I'm tempted to (and do) check his history. Not because he's cheated or given me reason to physically but I caught him hiding porn from me and in an open relationship where we watched it regularly, it caused me to. Anyway, he's always googling celebrities and models and searching images of them, clothed and nude and like there was a news story here about pole dancers but we left and didnt watch it. I noticed the story was in his history, guess he wanted to see it! My question is, do all men do this or is it my husband? I dont feel like it's me? I mean weve been married 5 years this Thursday, have 2 kids and my body isnt excellent...I am getting surgery on my stomach beginning of next year that I've been saving for forever! Will the searches stop when I do? Or is it just nothing that I should giggle about and continue to love him.
> * Please note I never tell him I check it and he has no idea I check!


Its certainly not all men. Once I finally figured out that the eraser wouldn't remove the bras in the Sears catalog at seven, seems that images on print lost their allure. Just can't compare to the real thing waiting for me under the sheets when we go to bed.

Anticipating that same tendency in my wife, to search my computer, I took to hiding images of power tools and electronics on my computer. Last week, she got the hint and ordered me the large screen LED television that I've been looking at as an early birthday present. Now that's visual imagery that leads to real results! 

Seriously though, it is a choice. Deep down, each man knows if he is capable of viewing porn in a way that can still allow us to support a healthy marriage. For me, the answer is no, and its not easy to admit that. The second thing is how it affects our wife. Again, a no for me.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

:iagree: with Halien.

Just because society says that women are sexual objects there for mens consumptions and that no one should have any negative feelings about this, doesn't make it true.

I know of men who do not do this, my fiance being one and I choose to believe he's not tricking me or lying to me. 

If someone loves you they will care about your comfort level and want you to feel very secure in their attraction and love for you.

Saying men just can't help themselves is a cop out and is as bad as any other ridiculous stereotype about men and women. As long as we make excuses about peoples behaviours then they have no incentive to change. I feel doing this is disrespectful.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

there was a thread in this very ladies forum a week or so ago with almost naked buff studs being celebrated quite heartily by some of our beloved lady members, but i believe it got taken down rather quickly. perhaps its not just a male thing ya know


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## iya12 (Jul 12, 2011)

Communicate. Always have time (even if you feel it or not) to talk over issues. Marriage is worth fighting for.
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