# Almost there.... advice please



## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Ahem…. Just a longtime lurker here, finally coming forward for some advice.

Some history:

In October of 2011 I was fairly happy, gregarious guy with friends, a solid family, a solid job, and very few concerns with day to day life… well, externally that was true. I was 42 years old with everything I had always wanted, but internally I was a mess. 

To be honest, in October of 2011 I was a ticking time-bomb of self doubt, lack of confidence, lack of self respect, and at least a couple other insecurities that I’m failing to mention. I ate poorly, I took care of myself poorly (I could walk around the block if I paused halfway), and I drank way too much (not excessively mind you, but too much to be healthy). Oh, and our sex life was pretty bad… and in retrospect, I have to blame that all on myself, as well. Hell, on a good day I was 6’1 and 320 pounds of love. Who really wants that? We had sex… sometimes three times a month…. sometimes four… sometimes two... I was a whiner and beggar- and the occasional “mercy f***” crippled the self esteem even further.

Was I the doormat in the family? I would say it was close… all the way from a high school and college alpha athlete to a 42 year old “snack pack.”

Quite the catch wasn’t I?

All along my wife never said a word. She simply rolled my responsibilities into her own, and kept moving forward. Planning trips and dates? She did it. Being in charge of every activity in the day to day lives of our kids? She did it. Discipline for the kids? She did it? This? She did it. That? She did it…

Lucky me…

A bit on my wife:

My wife is a really strong woman (obviously) who hates to show emotion, and hates to be wrong. She is a clinician who makes life or death decisions every day, and had no qualm with dealing with the ineffectiveness of her husband. I’m sure that one day she just finally thought, “F it. I’ll just treat him like a third kid, toss him sex scraps a few times monthly, and see what happens.” The answer she got was probably very telling to her. (This probably occurred from 36ish to that October 2011).

While I understand that men are jaded about the beauty of their wives (usually), I truly believe that mine has gotten more beautiful with age. She is 5’9, blonde (a bit of dying), and 140 pounds very firmly put together. She still revs my engine more than any other woman I have ever known.

Enough groundwork

In Feb of 2011 I had a physical. As you can imagine, it was all kinds of awful. Everything was a concern or a caution…red flags, orange flags, and I ignored it all. That said, at the same time, I think it laid the foundation for an alert system subconsciously.

In Sept/ Oct of 2011, my father in law was diagnosed with diabetes. He is obese, so this was of no surprise, but boy was there some internal concerns/debates within my head… “Hey, Stupid! Pay attention! This could be you… Wake up! Think of your wife! Think of your kids! She can’t go through this with her father AND her husband.”

The klaxon went off and I listened… and I made my plan.

I also work in the same healthcare institution as my wife. She does not report to me in any way, but I still see her rather infrequently. I met with everyone I could. Docs, Nutritionists, Pharmacists, etc… I picked their brains and then ran my plan past them.

In late Oct we took the kids out for Chinese food. When the waitress came, I ordered water. Then I rolled out my plan. I explained it all. I saw the excitement, I saw the hope, and I saw the doubt. Then she tested me and said, “Why don’t you just enjoy it one last time and start with a fresh plate tomorrow morning?” I got that one right, and ice water never tasted so good.

I dug the treadmill out and started. At first it was beyond hope. I could barely walk the equivalent of a block. Then I did. Then I could barely walk a mile. I did. I got up to walking four miles and said, “Okay fatso. Let’s see if I can run two. I did. I ran four. I registered for a 5K in May of 12. I did it. And my wife and kids were at the finish line. I ran three miles every weekday, with a long run on Sun, and rested on Sat. I ran 10K’s in Oct and Nov 2012. My wife and kids were at the finish line. I’m registered for a half marathon in May 13. I am on a mission. I will not rest. I will not stop.

At the same time I reduced calories significantly under the watchful I of a nutritionist. I eat a ton of veggies, lean meats, some nuts, and once week I don’t count- I take my beautiful wife out for dinner. I never thought about almond milk, and now I crave the recovery almond milk/ pineapple smoothie after my 5am 3 miler every weekday.

A few months ago I encountered the MAP online and started to try and incorporate way more alpha into my blend. Homework is becoming mine, discipline of the kids is becoming mine, I’m trying to get traits established… but sex is still struggle. I’m not whining or begging… I try to roll with it. Honestly the “rationalization hamster” is what I encounter most. “My day was brutal, and I am exhausted. Gonna hit the couch hard after bedtime.”

Okay

“That guy put me on the ledge, and my head is about to split. I took something, but it’s spinning it’s wheels thus far…”

I hear you.

I’ve lost 70/80 pounds. I have gone from a size 46 waist to a 36/38. I have gone from a XXL (widebody) dress shirt to a XL (slim/athletic). I know I look good/ better, and she has picked my new wardrobe with me. 

I know my rank is up, as well. Women, who never noticed me now start conversations, touch me playfully. Etc… and no, I want none of it.

My wife also started working out heavy again about a month ago. An hour at the gym every weekday. According to the MAP, that all should have been expected.

Our frequency lately:

Dec- Two
Nov- Six
Oct- Three
Sep- One
Aug- Four

I still initiate all, but in the “Well, I’m thinking about handcuffs and and blindfolds, but I could be talked into saving that for the weekend if you have other options.” Playful. No "yes" or "no" style questions

I will never beg again.

How do I push down on the accelerator?

Stay the course, almost there…?

OR

You need to do “this”… 

Thanks!

4-1-3-6-2



PS- If you are this guy, stop it! You are delivering a million cuts a day to her heart. Lose it.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I have nothing to add, I just wanted to say a big well done on your efforts this past year and a bit to improve yourself. You are an inspiration, and I hope you finish this personal marathon you are on with a happy ending (both literally and sexually, lol). Way to go!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Thanks, Kingsfan. I really appreciate the kudos. 

It's has been difficult, but somewhere out on that road I found the guy I am, the man my wife married, and the father my kids needed.

I will not fail.

When the miles really, really hurt, I simply repeat my mantra: "I run to live, I live to run..." "I run to live, I live to run..."

AND "The point of a journey, is not to arrive.) Thank you N. Peart.

Everyone needs a mantra


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Slacker. You have 16 more days in December to get your number over the 6 in November. Can you do it?

Use your running as an example. Did you run the half-marathon the day after you walked one block? Of course not. You gradually increased and got there. Do the same with sex. Keep initiating. Make her say no.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Ha. Thanks for the reply, Chris, and you are correct. I do/will keep initiating, on my terms. It'll happen!

Will point out that both of have been sick as hell this month... which impacts that number somewhat...

... and makes the morning run slow and painful.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Good point Chris.

In August and September, you had sex 5 times. Then October and November you had sex 9 times. You're on pace to have sex this month 4-5 times, which is the same amount you had in August and September combined.

There is a build up the 41362. You can't expect your wife to just want to hump the heck out of you immediately. As long as there is progression, you may not have anything to fear. 

Be sure to communicate to her as well that sex is important and you want to experience that with her more often so she knows an increase is a goal for you.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Well noted, Kingsfan. It's time for that conversation.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I swear, reading your story almost brought a tear of joy to my eyes...

I am very happy for your progress...keep up the good work!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Thank you, IndyTM. It has brought a couple tears to mine...

I will.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Wow, your story is touching and great. you have so much to be thankful for and your wife sounds amazing.

Are you a great lover? I'd work on your lover skills. no matter how good you are, you can learn new techniques and get better. Take you wife away to a lover's only retreat to have all-sex all-the-time and it might carry over when you're back to reality.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> Wow, your story is touching and great. you have so much to be thankful for and your wife sounds amazing.
> 
> Are you a great lover? I'd work on your lover skills. no matter how good you are, you can learn new techniques and get better. Take you wife away to a lover's only retreat to have all-sex all-the-time and it might carry over when you're back to reality.


That is an interesting approach, IslandGirl3. Have actually been considering a getaway for just the two of us in the near future. Not quite a true "lover's only retreat," but we shall see what we can do.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

December is now 4.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Love this story. I don't have much advice other than to keep going. Also, when you initiate, don't ask or talk, just start. And don't accept sleeping separately (couch). Be the leader.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Love this story. I don't have much advice other than to keep going. Also, when you initiate, don't ask or talk, just start. And don't accept sleeping separately (couch). Be the leader.


I like the "just start" idea... maybe tonight.


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

I agree with WorkingOnMe.

Go up to her, kiss her passionately. Then stop, look her square in the eyes, plant another kiss on her (just a small, brief, soft one) and walk away.

Be confident and drive her completely insane (in a good way).

You can do it!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Little Bird said:


> I agree with WorkingOnMe.
> 
> Go up to her, kiss her passionately. Then stop, look her square in the eyes, plant another kiss on her (just a small, brief, soft one) and walk away.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the input, Little Bird. That certainly sends the message


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Went with the "just start" approach last night... That combined with the blizzard and dying fire led to a wonderful evening.

For those keeping track, December is now 5.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just curious... is she on board with all this or is she grudgingly going along with it?


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

She seems the willing partner, Chris. While I have done my share of "one step forward and two steps back," I think the sheer length of this journey (14 months thus far) has helped to alleviate her doubts and concerns. Also, I think she's quite happy to get the guy she married back. 

We did have a talk last week about frequency, and how I felt that anything less than 2/3 times a week was unsatisfying to my needs, and unhealthy to our relationship as a whole. She agreed in full. I truly believe that she wants this as badly as I do

What a damn fool I was. A fat assed fool.... Well, never again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

41362 said:


> She seems the willing partner, Chris. While I have done my share of "one step forward and two steps back," I think the sheer length of this journey (14 months thus far) has helped to alleviate her doubts and concerns. Also, I think she's quite happy to get the guy she married back.
> 
> We did have a talk last week about frequency, and how I felt that anything less than 2/3 times a week was unsatisfying to my needs, and unhealthy to our relationship as a whole. She agreed in full. I truly believe that she wants this as badly as I do
> 
> ...


Always great to hear a success story! Keep up the good work 41362(so far 5, on pace to be a 8)


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

I love this story. Inspiring!


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## Tennisbumtony (Oct 27, 2012)

What is the MAP that has been mentioned in a number of posts?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Damn 41362, You are my new hero!

Screw Capt. America....

Time to go buy a treadmill.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

slater said:


> I love this story. Inspiring!


Thanks, Slater


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Damn 41362, You are my new hero!
> 
> Screw Capt. America....
> 
> Time to go buy a treadmill.


Ha.I'm just a guy who decided to step up to the plate.

Buy the treadmill, happyman. Change your life*

*If needed.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Tennisbumtony said:


> What is the MAP that has been mentioned in a number of posts?


Male Action Plan

Athol Kay explains it quite well in the Married Man Sex Life Primer... The best $10 Kindle purchase EVER.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Always great to hear a success story! Keep up the good work 41362(so far 5, on pace to be a 8)


Actually 9 is the goal for December, but 8 would be damn exciting

Thanks for the support, Kingsfan


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

For those interested in my journey, the magic number is now six.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

41362 said:


> Ha.I'm just a guy who decided to step up to the plate.
> 
> Buy the treadmill, happyman. Change your life*
> 
> *If needed.


Thanks 41362. I hope someday you will explain that zip code of a username.

A treadmill is definitely in the near future. And I always consider change to be good.

I hope you hit nine my friend.

Happy Holidays!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Thanks 41362. I hope someday you will explain that zip code of a username.
> 
> A treadmill is definitely in the near future. And I always consider change to be good.
> 
> ...


Happy to explain, Happy.

It's not a zip code my friend, it was the amount of sexual activity in my life over the last five months- when I wrote the original post.

Dec- Two
Nov- Six
Oct- Three
Sep- One
Aug- Four

With December now at six, I wonder if I should change it? 

With a whole lot of innuendo from my wife about Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, I'm thinking nine is a strong possibility.

Good luck with the treadmill, Happy. There are few things better than feeling good.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

I do remember reading that . duh!

I will now go take my Alzheimer's medication.

Have a great holiday and may all your holiday wishes come true.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> I do remember reading that . duh!
> 
> I will now go take my Alzheimer's medication.
> 
> Have a great holiday and may all your holiday wishes come true.


Happy Holidays to you, Happy.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Just another update for those interested in the happenings of 41362.

Last night brought us to 8 for December. That total is especially amazing when I consider the amount of holiday chaos we've been involved in AND where we were a little over a year ago.

Hoping a bit of bubbly leads to 9 tonight. 

Thanks for the support and advice.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

41362 said:


> Just another update for those interested in the happenings of 41362.
> 
> Last night brought us to 8 for December. That total is especially amazing when I consider the amount of holiday chaos we've been involved in AND where we were a little over a year ago.
> 
> ...


41362 for president!

great job ....don't be affraid to push the envelope.

you are the MAN let it build steam and flow into all areas of your life.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Nnniiiiiiiccccccccceeeeeeee!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Just a quick update on the happenings of 41362. 

December ended up with a total of 8. Housguests that wouldn't leave on NYE curtailed any chance of 9. 

January is off to a bit of a slow start with 2 thus far, but four days were spent in a hotel room with two kids... 

Comments this morning lead me to believe that tonight will be a number changer 

As always, a big nod of gratitude for all of those who have offered advice and encouragement. It is all very much appreciated.

For those of you wanting to change yourself or your marriage- it begins inside of you.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

This is the best story I've read on this site!!! I'm totally rooting for you.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

41362 said:


> For those of you wanting to change yourself or your marriage- it begins inside of you.


I agree with this 100% and communicating your needs/goals with your partner is huge too. 

Congrats to you and your wife! It takes a lot of soul searching and drive to do what you have accomplished! 

T


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Thanks, daffodilly.

Thanks, T & T


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Congratulations, 41362. I started on a similar rebuilding program five years ago at 51 after prostate cancer surgery and I now operate a strength/physique studio. I did not and do not do any running. If you just enjoy distance running or the competition then knock yourself out. If you'd rather do something else with the time, eliminating running will have no real impact on your progress, so long as you continue your diet.

Even Dr. Cooper, author of _Aerobics_, and the father of the steady state cardio exercise boom, now recommends that guys over 40 cut back on the running (which tends to catabolize muscle) and up the weight training. You need to be packing on the muscle mass at this point in your life and keeping your testosterone high, not bringing it down. You need to bring your body into line with the 1.4:1 Golden Ratio, which in most guys translates into something like a 32" waist, measure right under the ribs and above the obliques, and a 46" chest. This ratio has been shown by researchers to trigger an autonomic limbic sexual response in women across cultures. And I think that's what we're all after.

Are you presently weight training or are you just relying on running?


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

I actually enjoy the running, Machiavelli. Not only is it still helping me jettison the remaining fat (still a bit to go), but it provides me with some sort of serenity. Call it "runner's high" or something else... I call it my "reset button," regardless, it provides me with a chance to completely empty my brain once a day. 30-60 minutes of static, in a way.

That said, I was reading a post the other day that you responded to (can't remember which one) and you gave the regimen which I copied to my phone. It included "Decline Bench/Chest Press, Overhead Press, Compound Row, Pullover Machine...etc" and it got my attention. I actually dusted off my freeweights and put in some effort. So, thanks for posting!

My plan is this: I have a half marathon in early May, which I need to do for me. After that, provided that the weight is finally where I need it to be, I'm going to start running M,W,F, and Sun and then start some serious weight training on the off days. My wife is setting up a "tour" at her gym sometime in April, and I'll join then. It will allow me access to some great equipment AND I'll be able to work out some with her. Two wins! And I plan to follow the regimen you posted, or slightlydifferent depending on trainer's advice when I start.

Anything I'm missing?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

That's potentially gonna be a huge weekly workload. When I was in my 20's, I used to do 4 miles every day, because I was tested on a 3 mile run, and then lift on 3 of those days. Can't do that now. After 35, testosterone is starting to taper off, and that means less is more for muscle building.

If you're into the running for its own sake, that's fine, but you might also want to look into sprint interval training.

A few useful books are:

_Body by Science_
_The Four Hour Body_
_Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It_
_The New High Intensity Training_
_HIIT - High Intensity Interval Training Explained_

HIIT is the running/biking version of HIT which is resistance.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> That's potentially gonna be a huge weekly workload. When I was in my 20's, I used to do 4 miles every day, because I was tested on a 3 mile run, and then lift on 3 of those days. Can't do that now. After 35, testosterone is starting to taper off, and that means less is more for muscle building.
> 
> If you're into the running for its own sake, that's fine, but you might also want to look into sprint interval training.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the book recommendations.

I meant to also note that I am currently running with weights on the treadmill. First two miles with five pounds on each ankle, and five pound weights in each hand.

I realized after I responded yesterday that I was probably biting off way more than I could chew. In thinking about it, I'll probably go with three days of running (T,TH,SA) and three days of weight training. I'll also need to scale back on the distances I'm running. That's how I'll start, I guess, and if I need to turn it down further so be it.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Good morning

I just wanted to give another update to my ongoing effort to move forward. While it seems a bit self serving to keep updating this story- I do this because I'm hopeful that anybody out there who is struggling with the effects of being grossly overweight (self- esteem issues, lack of confidence, lack of sex, marriage difficulties), will read my tale and realize that there is hope... that changes can be made... that you can do better.

My training regimen is about to change as I begin to prepare for a half marathon in May, but the miles kept piling up during the month of January. I was able to log 80 miles for the 31 days. My runs varied with nothing shorter than 2 miles, and nothing longer than 7. The vast majority were clocked on a treadmill (which I loathe) as Wisconsin winters encourage the formation of ice- I tend to run in the dark, and I'm terrified of an ice related wipeout.

I also began some very moderate weight training this month. I had been running with some additional weight, but a post from Machiavelli encouraged me to dust off the iron. I'm now incorporating a regimen that includes: half squats, upright rows, lying bent over rows, hammer curls, and french presses. It feels good. I'm planning to join my wife's gym after the marathon with the intention of splitting my workouts 50/50 between the weights and the running... that also means some additional time with my wife which is icing on the cake.

Our marriage seems to get stronger with each passing day. The steps I mentioned in other posts are still in place. The lines of communication are more open than they've been in quite a few years. I can only say that it feels the way it should.

In regards to intimacy, we matched December with another 8. (I guess that now makes me 413688?). It's better than that though, the quantity is icing for the quality. It's really been fantastic. We seem to both want/need it more... even the slightly crazy 

Awhile ago I wrote, "For those of you wanting to change yourself or your marriage- it begins inside of you." That's more evident with each passing day. My life is what I make it.

Now that I've written this down, I realize that these updates are for me, too. It's been a long journey thus far, and this really shows me how far I've come... and, damn if it doesn't feel good. I will not go backwards, I will only keep moving forward.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Keep the updates coming 413688, we enjoy the success stories!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I missed this original post in the busyness of December, so I just read all of it and...WOW! I so admire you and others who have made such a life change. I have never struggled with my weight but I know how hard it is to lose just 5 lbs. I started running about 3 years ago at the age of 54 and it has really helped with my overall health. One thing that I have struggled with is the fact that my wife rarely initiates. Here is a good article on that.

Do You Understand Female Sexual Desire? | Psychology Today

So, as MMSL says, it. Is up to me. 

Keep up the good work! Don't be afraid to keep sharing your progress.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Awesome update!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Great thread! A very inspirational story.

Very well done, 41362.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Well, here we are... another month in the books, and feeling just as awkward posting an update as ever. As I remarked last time, my hope is that this tale (and updates) give hope to folks out there struggling with weight- and the horrible difficulties it brings with it (especially bedroom and confidence issues). It can be done.

So, let's start with weight. Since I began this journey in Oct 2011, I have not been on a scale to track my progress. I had tracked it through clothes sizes, belt holes, and how I felt in general. My estimate was somewhere in the 60/70 pounds range.... well, I bit the bullet and got on the scale. I am currently at 222. That is 75 pounds on the nose from where I started. Getting there the right way. BMI is just on the edge of healthy... I would be lying to say I wasn't thrilled with those numbers, but this journey isn't finished. I've got a whole lifetime ahead of me.

The half marathon that I'm registered for in May is creeping closer and closer... and I keep pounding out the miles. Was able to get in 65 for Feb, with longs of 8 and nothing less than 3. I am stunned to think that I now run 5K's as short runs. More stunned when I think that will soon be 5 miles... and honestly speechless when I think that in Oct 2011, I couldn't run around my block.

I've also joined my wife's gym (our gym?) and have established the regimen I want to follow 2/3 times a week. Have been able to get this in twice, and so far so good. Big thanks to a poster who provided me with a ton of info via PM. Thanks, M.

And, well, since this is the Sex in Marriage forum I suppose that we should touch on that a bit. You will be stunned to note that Feb was another 8. Crazy, huh? And, as I mentioned before, it really seems to keep getting better and better. That said, March is gonna be a 9!

So there you have it. The Feb update for 41362. To anyone who thinks that you can't do it, you can. It's a mountain, but it can be climbed.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

41362 said:


> Well, here we are... another month in the books, and feeling just as awkward posting an update as ever. As I remarked last time, my hope is that this tale (and updates) give hope to folks out there struggling with weight- and the horrible difficulties it brings with it (especially bedroom and confidence issues). It can be done.
> 
> So, let's start with weight. Since I began this journey in Oct 2011, I have not been on a scale to track my progress. I had tracked it through clothes sizes, belt holes, and how I felt in general. My estimate was somewhere in the 60/70 pounds range.... well, I bit the bullet and got on the scale. I am currently at 222. That is 75 pounds on the nose from where I started. Getting there the right way. BMI is just on the edge of healthy... I would be lying to say I wasn't thrilled with those numbers, but this journey isn't finished. I've got a whole lifetime ahead of me.
> 
> ...



I think she has been climbing your mountain!!!

Keep at it. And I am not talking about the running.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> I think she has been climbing your mountain!!!
> 
> Keep at it. And I am not talking about the running.


Good motivation


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Leave it to men to talk about numbers! Numbers don't mean as much to women, in terms of communicating our level of marital contentment. We go by how difficult it is to walk! Rubber legs kind of make walking difficult!:toast:


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Leave it to men to talk about numbers! Numbers don't mean as much to women, in terms of communicating our level of marital contentment. We go by how difficult it is to walk! Rubber legs kind of make walking difficult!:toast:


I can satisfy both criteria, anon.

Does it count if she's sweating, panting, and leg muscels twitching?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

41362 said:


> I can satisfy both criteria, anon.
> 
> Does it count if she's sweating, panting, and leg muscels twitching?


Twitching is great! But I'm a numbers guy, too. Care to share where yours are at now? How's the marathon training going?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

41362 said:


> I can satisfy both criteria, anon.
> 
> Does it count if she's sweating, panting, and leg muscels twitching?



Ummm yes. Yes please.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

GTdad said:


> Twitching is great! But I'm a numbers guy, too. Care to share where yours are at now? How's the marathon training going?


Well, we are at a four for the month which seems more than okay considering that we have been forced to deal with some incredibly difficult family issues.

The half marathon training keeps plugging along. Up to 9 miles on my long runs, and with about six weeks to go- I'm feeling confident on pulling off the 13.1 barring any setbacks and/or injuries.

Working out six days a week now and haven't felt this good in a long time. M-W-F are upper body and core workout days at the gym. I've got my circuit set, I do it three times, and I'm out. T and TH are "short" runs. Currently these are 3.1 mile runs, but next week they go to 4.8. Saturdays are the "longs." This Sat should be another 9. I'm kinda in a holding pattern in the longs (ahead of schedule) until 4/14 when it goes to 9.8 followed by 10.8, 11.9, half (13.1)

Thanks for asking.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

41362 said:


> Well, we are at a four for the month which seems more than okay considering that we have been forced to deal with some incredibly difficult family issues.
> 
> The half marathon training keeps plugging along. Up to 9 miles on my long runs, and with about six weeks to go- I'm feeling confident on pulling off the 13.1 barring any setbacks and/or injuries.
> 
> ...


Just a quick note on progressing from 3.1 to 4.8 "short runs," as it felt really good. Serious burns. Also, felt like a beast in the gym on Monday. Can't wait for tonight's workout.

Oh, and going at it like bunnies here lately. Twice on Sunday and again last night... and again this morning...really thought that my wife was gonna wake the kids last night. 

No complaints in the 41362 house.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

41362 said:


> Just a quick note on progressing from 3.1 to 4.8 "short runs," as it felt really good. Serious burns. Also, felt like a beast in the gym on Monday. Can't wait for tonight's workout.
> 
> Oh, and going at it like bunnies here lately. Twice on Sunday and again last night... and again this morning...really thought that my wife was gonna wake the kids last night.
> 
> No complaints in the 41362 house.


I cannot wait to hear what your wife gives you for Easter Sunday!!!

Keep going at it like bunnies.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Hey 41362, keep up the good work! How much running do you plan on doing after the 1/2 M? Are you going for a full Marathon or easing up on the running after the half?

Did you ever have a PT or do you plan to get one? M gave you really good advice though so maybe you can continue to pick his brain.

Anyway good, luck, and keep up the other Marathon too!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> Hey 41362, keep up the good work! How much running do you plan on doing after the 1/2 M? Are you going for a full Marathon or easing up on the running after the half?
> 
> Did you ever have a PT or do you plan to get one? M gave you really good advice though so maybe you can continue to pick his brain.
> 
> Anyway good, luck, and keep up the other Marathon too!


With the running, I kinda just did it. Have used my BIL and boss as excellent research tools, as both have been dedicated runners for quite awhile. Really couldn't have done it without their help... as well as a friend of mine who is a clinical nutritionist.

Not planning on a full marathon at this point... but who knows, right? Looking at some half possibilities in late summer and fall. Gotta keep the goal markers set. 

I did have a strength and endurance test with a personal trainer when I joined the gym. I took the advice they offered, added it to Machiavelli's, and made it my own. The PT's are around if I have questions, but I really didn't want to add the additional $$$ when I felt I could figure it out on my own. That said, I would have spent the $$$ if necessary. So far, so good, as I can see and feel a difference.

The "other" marathon seems to be comin' along nicely. She just about killed me last weekend  No complaints.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Woo Hoo! Go get em tiger!


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## TOMTEFAR (Feb 23, 2013)

Being somewhat of a runner my self I have made a lot of research.

1/2 a Mara is the limit of what is healthy for you. Running furhter is actually harmfull for your body. Just wanted to give you that info if you are into the running for your body don't drive for a full Mara. But if you are into it to test yourself do it. Just take care.

Great work by the way. 

I was 37, no running experience since my military service when I was 19. I trained for 7 months 3 times / week and did the 1/2 mara in 2 hours. Hurt like crap for 3 days afterwards but it was worth it. Wont do it again though. Still train 3 Days a week but keep my running to below 7 miles. That leaves my body feeling good enough to run again with one day of rest between the sessions.

As a side note, have you read the 5 love languages. You seem to do quite well in the love part but, hey it is an realy interesting book and could boost your love life further.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

TOMTEFAR said:


> Being somewhat of a runner my self I have made a lot of research.
> 
> 1/2 a Mara is the limit of what is healthy for you. Running furhter is actually harmfull for your body. Just wanted to give you that info if you are into the running for your body don't drive for a full Mara. But if you are into it to test yourself do it. Just take care.
> 
> ...


I wax and wane on the idea of a full marathon. I am intrigued by the _idea_ of a full marathon. I would really like to make that the next goal...and I am 90% sure that I could do it. It's the amount of time needed in preparation that gives me pause. I just don't have the time available to be running 3 to 4 hours at a time.

I was really sore the first few times that I hit the 9 mile mark, but now I have very little soreness.

Thank you for the recommendation.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

A quick update for March:

Went down another pant size 

Averaged three upper body workouts at the gym each week (M,W,F), two "short" runs (T,TH) and one "long" run (SAT or SUN).

81 total miles run

Failed to meet the standard of 8 liaisons with my wife (which had somehow become the norm) We settled in at 7.

That said, April is off to a nice start as she woke me up at 1AM this morning claiming to be too stressed to sleep. Being the proper gentleman that I am, I helped her out with that problem.....though, I may have given her another one as I noticed when she got in the shower this morning that she is going to have some trouble sitting today.:whip:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You need to change the title of this thread.

"I am as 'there' as 'there' gets within the confines of a continuum." 

What? Too long?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Awesome job on inspiration!

Your story is helping to turn this pile of fat goop back into the jock it once was.

Loosing the fat to attract my wife....so simple I over thought it.Thatnks for snapping me back to reality.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Been awhile since I updated this story in any way, shape, or form... so, a minor update should probably be in order.

The running continues, as does the gym work... though I have been known to miss a gym day here and there. Not missing to be lazy per se, but when I do have time conflicts it's the gym work that gets skipped rather than the runs.

Physically I feel better than I have ever felt. I can log miles that I never thought I could do. Triple digit miles every month- I never, ever, EVER thought that would be me.

Had a physical in early August and my doc told me that if she had gold stars, she would put one on my chart. As it was, she simply drew a smiley face. Everything was in normal ranges except BMI which is skewed due to the addition of increased muscle mass.

In May I ran my first half marathon, and I must admit I was quite pleased with myself. 

81 miles in March
88 miles in April
Half Marathon in May (2:12)
101 miles in May
62 in June (Family vacation week off)
77.8 in July
2nd Half in August (2:19 - damn it was hot)
102.1 miles in August
19 thus far in Sept. 12 set for tomorrow... a third half registered in late September, and a fourth in early November.

I do this for me now. Truly. I fear that the former fat man that used to own this body will catch me if I ever stop pushing myself.

As far as the relationship with my wife goes, well... as many others there are ebbs and flows- ups and downs. Sexually, we seem to be holding at the 2/3 times a week. We both seem very content with this pattern. Otherwise, I have learned that many of the issues I thought were 100% owned by me are truly joint ownership. We both have things we need to work on, and she has some in particular that she needs to figure out. Heaven knows that I have plenty of time to think about this while running- and I have. The next year is going to be interesting. I have set Sept 2014 as *our* goal. Time to put in those miles... despite how tough they may be.

So there you have it. An update for 41362. To anyone who thinks that you can't do it, you can. It's a mountain, but it can be climbed. Climb it!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What a fabulous update! Your story is just wonderful. Congratulations on the half marathon!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good update buddy.

And while you continue climbing up those mountains continue climbing on your wife.

2-3 times a week is healthy.

And as a distance runner I know what it is like to have those long one-sided conversations with yourself in your head.

But I urge you to have two-way conversations with your wife.

Because communication is the key.....

HM64


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Good update buddy.
> 
> And while you continue climbing up those mountains continue climbing on your wife.
> 
> ...


Thanks, Happy

Yeah, those one sided conversations can go on forever. In all honesty, I tend to run with music, rather than without, just to limit it... the music tends to divert me a tad.

I know we've got some communication issues to iron out. Some minor, a few major, and they need to be addressed sooner rather than later if we're going to get in another 17 years together.

I think we'll be fine, but the use of "think" gives me pause for concern... so, let me rephrase and say, "We will be fine."


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

41362 said:


> Thanks, Happy
> 
> Yeah, those one sided conversations can go on forever. In all honesty, I tend to run with music, rather than without, just to limit it... the music tends to divert me a tad.
> 
> ...


Correctamundo!

The proper use of "The Power of Positive Thought"!

You two will be great.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Correctamundo!
> 
> The proper use of "The Power of Positive Thought"!
> 
> You two will be great.


Short strides will conquer any hill, right? That's the plan


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I just read your thread and it's pretty awesome. I started on a similar journey as you in May of this year. I started at 266 lbs and have dropped down to 220 lbs as of today. I too have dropped pants sizes and am in 36" waist. I too felt like a fool for letting myself go for the years I have and it's great to feel healthier.

We do have some differences though. I haven't faced the lack of sex issue like you have and I have yet to feel a runners or lifters high. I do not like lifting weights, running or even walking. But I know it's what I need to do - along with eating a healthy diet - and I'm committed for the duration of my life. 

I just wish I felt those highs that others feel...


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I just read your thread and it's pretty awesome. I started on a similar journey as you in May of this year. I started at 266 lbs and have dropped down to 220 lbs as of today. I too have dropped pants sizes and am in 36" waist. I too felt like a fool for letting myself go for the years I have and it's great to feel healthier.
> 
> We do have some differences though. I haven't faced the lack of sex issue like you have and I have yet to feel a runners or lifters high. I do not like lifting weights, running or even walking. But I know it's what I need to do - along with eating a healthy diet - and I'm committed for the duration of my life.
> 
> I just wish I felt those highs that others feel...


When I run I rarely feel the "high" either. I feel the endorphine surge, and maybe a bit of euphoria when everything is working really, really well.

I have been lucky enough to experience the "blur" twice. That is an incredible feeling. Time just kind of folds on itself... Miles 8-12 just... well, blur. In my head, the time between mile markers is 2/3 minutes at most, but my watch says 9 and a half to 10. It's hard to describe, but certainly could be addicting. I have only experienced it during the official half's as you are following the pack with the pack... there is no focus on cars, bikes, stop signs, etc. You just go... and you hit a point where your mind loses focus on the time, too. It is amazing.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Started at 272 in at the beginning of July myself and i'm down 23 pounds as of this morning through dieting alone. I want to add weight training in the mix and have been on Craigslist looking for a bench for my garage. I think that will probably accelerate things. Never been a runner and after the damage I've already done to my knees I don't know if I ever will be one.

41362--you are definitely an inspiration. I've seen that look of doubt on my wife's face that you spoke about in your first post. It's heart-wrenching and at the same time some of the best motivation I've ever had.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

all I can say is great job. Taking control of the things you can control.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Started at 272 in at the beginning of July myself and i'm down 23 pounds as of this morning through dieting alone. I want to add weight training in the mix and have been on Craigslist looking for a bench for my garage. I think that will probably accelerate things. Never been a runner and after the damage I've already done to my knees I don't know if I ever will be one.
> 
> 41362--you are definitely an inspiration. I've seen that look of doubt on my wife's face that you spoke about in your first post. It's heart-wrenching and at the same time some of the best motivation I've ever had.


You can do it, Fozzy. Keep up the good work. Once you *want* it, it can be done.

My knees are a mess, as well. Baseball into college and soccer through high school did 'em in despite having them repaired a couple of times. That said, I worked up to my routine slowly and I am a slow runner. I will never break 2 hours... heck, 2:10 on a half- and I am fine with that. When I go my pace the knees cooperate. Do what you can and then try to do more.

The trick is the cardiovascular work to burn off the fat. If you really can not run, try a bike. I think that may be next on my list because I'm starting to "itch" for a half Ironman. Maybe next fall.... Drowning during the swim portion is probably my biggest hurdle to climb. 

Enjoy the weights. They are a reward in themselves. You will feel better. When you can see things starting to tighten up... well, it's well worth every drop of sweat you put in.

Feel free to PM me anytime.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> all I can say is great job. Taking control of the things you can control.


Thanks


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Well, here we are, another two months further down this long road that we all travel... and I suppose it's time for an update (more for me than you all, as it kinda gives me a chance to purge and reflect).

So, the outside running season for me is almost done. Three half marathons in the book, with one to go, and a couple of 10K's thrown in for fun. One of those was a repeat of one from last year which gave me a nice perspective on how much a year can change you- I actually trimmed 6 minutes from my time. That's huge, and I must say, very rewarding... and surprising. I try not to place to much emphasis on time as I can be highly competitive and the last thing I need is to hurt myself trying to PR every damn race. Repeat after me,"The point of a journey, is not to arrive."

I am currently discussing the feasibility in joining some others in a charitable awareness campaign next year. It would require us to run 10-12 half marathons... yes, ten to twelve half marathons from May until November. Quite the second helping, eh? Not a bad quest for a guy that used to struggle to run around the block Anyway, it's for a fantastic cause and I really hope it pans out.

Of course, to take on something like this, I realize that I need to be in better shape, so the gym work is pretty crazy right now... and it feels really good. Lots of iron followed by really intense cardio. Love the bike. In addition to the running miles, I'm now adding in another 60/80 miles a week on the bike.

So, from a health standpoint, everything remains on target... if not a tad aggressive on some of these goals... but, hey, you can't accomplish the impossible if you don't try. (and failure is always a good motivator).

As far as my marriage goes... well, I just don't know. I really don't. Feeling a ton of disconnect here of late, and to be honest, a touch of apathy on my part. I just don't know, and I mostly don't care. It pains me to write that, but that's the point of this "purge." Our communication just sucks... and it has for awhile. I really feel like I am the only one focusing on our marriage while she's focused on...??? I'm not asking for much here, a little affection, a hint of intimacy, just basic relationship stuff. We still have sex- she likes sex- but it's almost like a couple of strangers goin at it 2-3 times a week. It's really f'd up to not speak to one another all evening and then hear "you wanna come over" when we go to bed. I mean, yeah, I do, but WTF?

I realize that my period of being checked out led to this. I know that I was the root cause, but I have put a ton of effort in over the last 2+ years and I'm just craving a positive result. And, yeah, I know the sex is back AND that is a huge positive, but I want... well, I want more.

Geez, I just read this over and I sound like a spoiled little kid. "I want. I want." A complete disconnect from the earlier "you can't accomplish the impossible if you don't try."

Thanks for letting me vent and update. Tomorrow is another day, and I don't feel quite the sense of apathy anymore.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well done with the marathons!

I've been there for a long time. You look around, notice things aren't right, find ways to make it better and it still doesn't get there. Very frustrating.

Would you agree that your wife doesn't seem to be emotionally available? Do you feel like your wife isn't actually present with you? Does it feel as though she is going through the motions to keep things smoothly running but she isn't really invested?

So you fixed yourself up, got the sex life fixed up, and still she isn't really there, the connection isn't really a connection but more like a series of behaviors that mimic an emotional connection.

I wish I had answers for you. All I can suggest is that you try to define, for her, what you want. Your kids are getting older now so the time will come when that loneliness hits hard.

Why do you suppose she can't or doesn't give what you need? And don't say job stress! That may be a component but it's not the reason.


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## Iloveprada (Nov 22, 2013)

I just want to say I wish more guys were like you! Your story was amazing and wonderful to read!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Iloveprada said:


> I just want to say I wish more guys were like you! Your story was amazing and wonderful to read!


Thank you, Iloveprada.

My journey is still a day-to-day adventure, but I've certainly figured out a few things...


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

I don't see Machiavelli on here much anymore, but I thought about him as I was working the iron this morning... lots of iron... he always has such good advice.

Of course I followed up the iron work with 20 miles on the bike... which he would have called a most foolish endeavor.


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