# does it make me bi to like someone who's intersex? And what would you do?



## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

I'm wondering because I've been dating someone secretly recently explained they have an ontersex condition. The issue is like they didn't find out right away like at birth but recently. To me I always thought intersex conditions were like people with both genitals. She doesn't have both just male genitalia. She doesn't look male and has a female body shape and her voice is high pitched so it makes sense she's different but I mean I still feel like I'm a bit bisexual for being attracted to her. I kind of feel though like she truly looks and acts as if she's female 100% even when she wasn't trying to be. I sometimes don't even think of it. Anyway I'm just wondering for dating someone who has an intersex condition does it make a person bi? And what would you do if you were me?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Is she an X or Y out of curiosity? How did she find out and how was she raised? How long have you known/dated her? Did your attraction become apparent before or after this relevation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What difference does it make what label you put on it, if you're happy?

Or what someone else would do if they were you? They're not you, and they're not in the same situation. I would think it would be a difficult thing for most people to accept, so more power to you if you can.

C


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

umm she has a syndrome called klinefelter's syndrome which chromosmally is xxy so both. She grew up male and I knew her then but it sees when we started dating she didn't really appear to be male but female. I didn't really care at the time too much what she saw herself as like the same to me goes with like say a very attractive girl identifies as male. It personally wouldn't matter to me. I guess attraction goes more visible than emotionally. Emotionally though I fell in love with her like my previous gf. And despite her actually telling me I felt the relationship was no different. So yea.... Also I don't think she's lying I don't think she could convince her aunt to let her live this way if she weren't intersex so yea....


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

and I just wanted personal opinions I know many may not deal with this but morrre is that an option to other heterosexuals I guess.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

footballfan1 said:


> and I just wanted personal opinions I know many may not deal with this but morrre is that an option to other heterosexuals I guess.


Well, as a guy, it wouldn't be an option for me. Or at least, I can't imagine that it would be, if I was in your situation. I don't know whether it would homosexual/bi-sexual/hetrosexual, but a penis instead of a vagina would be a dealbreaker. Heck, a female would didn't like receiving oral sex would be a dealbreaker for me! 

C


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

we've not been sexually active than oral so it's not really an issue idk maybe it would be later on. I'm just saying what has been so far. But yea...


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Klinefelter's syndrome is when men have an extra X chromosome. So your girlfriend is male but with a chromosomal abnormality. Women have two XX chromosomes, men have an XY chromosome, and people with Klinefelter's syndrome have XXY chromosomes. This is different that a hermaphrodite, who has both male and female sex organs. 

So you are dating a man who looks feminine. Who cares as long as you are happy? 

I notice you said that you are dating in secret? Is this because you are ashamed?


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

yea it is actually considered an intersex condition. 

NOVA | The Intersex Spectrum

and I really wouldn't believe a guy can naturally grow breasts without any medical intervention. And yea I know she's not a hermaphrodite. The only reason people with klinefelter's syndrome are called male is because it goes undetected at birth and is apparent during puberty and many decide to live as males but my gf said 5 to 10% do decide to live as female. Btw we're both under 16 so explains why it was found out recently.


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

I'm not ashamed I'm confused. And I'm not open about it because I don't see myself as gay why would I want anyone else to? And we both agreed it was no one's business.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Ah... Being under 16 explains a lot. You're handling things in a very mature manner, it seems. Good job!

If she's female to the rest of the world, everyone else will think of you as heterosexual for as long as she doesn't get outed. It likely will get nasty/confused if that happens though, so be prepared for that possibility. 

Between the two of you, I don't think there would be a label that applies. I've done some anal play with my GF (prostate stimulation, you may want to look into that if you get that far) and tasted my own stuff, but that doesn't make me a homosexual in my books because it's happened with a woman. If you consider her as female, she considers herself as female, then I guess you're still straight? I don't know...  I would avoid putting a label on it, and just enjoy it as it comes.

Good luck!

C


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

let me make something clear footballfan

****/bi/hetero sexuality is about sexual preferences, it's not about who you love

now do you want to label yourself as bi because you like playing with your partner's penis, then I guess go ahead and give yourself that label because most people will anyways. But ultimately, unless you have legal or religious concerns it shouldn't matter all that much in the scheme of things.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Intersex is not a condition, it is a label created to describe people who have characteristics that make it hard to distinguish if they are male or female as a result of various types of chromosomal mutations/rarities. While your girlfriend may want to live as a woman, she is male.

One of the characteristics of Klinefelter's Syndrome is fatty breast tissue that can look similar to a woman's breasts, but is not a woman's breast. Men with Klinefelter's also have trouble getting women pregnant because of low sperm counts, but they all have a penis and testicles. They also have less muscle tone then men without the condition, so men with this condition can appear feminine. Many boys opt to take testosterone therapy to reduce fatty tissue and increase muscle tone to appear more masculine.

It sounds like your girlfriend wants to live as a woman and identifies that way. 

As I see it, there are several issues to consider:

1) Do people think she is a man or a woman? Would you be comfortable being with her if people knew she was a man living as a woman?

2) Do you feel comfortable being with her knowing she is a man with a penis and testicles?

Those are two big issues you need to grapple with. I think it would be difficult in high school to date another man who is living as a woman. I do not believe that there is anything wrong with what either one of you is doing. I have gay and transgendered friends and believe in equality for everyone, regardless of how they identify themselves. 

However, teens can be cruel and society can be cruel and judgemental. Whatever you decide to do, be careful who you talk to about this....not because it is shameful, but because there are very real consequences if it becomes known. I would seek out a helpline for teens questioning their sexual identity. You may or may not have questions, but someone could help you figure out what all the issues are to help you sort ths all out.


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

no actually read the link intersex conditions are a category of conditions that affect one's sex. An individual who appears to be the oppositwe sex but is biologically genetically in every way the other gender is simply a feminine or masculine looking man or woman. That isn't the same thing.
and also not all people born with klinefelter have testicles. Some have undescended ones. Which makes them a degree not even born male. 
I don't see her as male because guys generally don't have that body type. I'm not having sex with her so it's not really an issue.


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## JamesWalker (Nov 2, 2011)

Don't worry about it. You're oriented toward what you're oriented toward. If you're into this person, that's fine. Treat her with respect like anybody else you were seeing and things will be okay.

I've been married to a lovely woman with only one X chromosome for many years (known as Turner Syndrome, or X0). Outside of medical issues (for instance having children), there's nothing that really interferes with our happy family together.

Ignore what most people here are saying and talk to her if she's willing. It's not other people's perspectives that are important here. Somebody mentioned you were under 16. That can be very hard to understand at your age, because there's a tendency to assume there are answers about everything. At three times your age, and with a wife who has a doctorate and does research at a medical institution, I can tell you that there's no real concrete answer here.

There are, however, the same basic fundamentals in play that you'll learn through years of dating people. Listen to her, try to understand her feelings, and don't be a jerk -- even when she hurts you (and if you're with anybody long enough, that eventually happens, even in happy relationships). There's not much need for a label here: as you figured out by asking the question, there's no real answer anyway.

One tip that is basically from the above: don't be public with her condition unless she is. Your questions are understandable, but she has to live with this for the rest of her life, and people can be amazingly nasty, especially young people.

Best of luck, to both of you.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

In my eyes hetero/bi/**** are just categories that people use to try to make sense of a subject that cannot be defined with such narrow categories. If you see her as a female, and are attracted to that femaleness in her, then I guess the hetero-category describes you the best (if it is important for you to label yourself as something). 



Laurae1967 said:


> Intersex is not a condition, it is a label created to describe people who have characteristics that make it hard to distinguish if they are male or female as a result of various types of chromosomal mutations/rarities. While your girlfriend may want to live as a woman, she is male.


Her biology may have male attributes, but if she identifies as a female, she is female in my book. Though I also recognize the gender of transsexual people (= if someone has corrected their gender to male, I recognize that they are male even if they were born with female - bodyparts). The experience of the person is what counts in my eyes and I do my best to respect that. Gender is not in bodyparts - it is in our core, part of who we truly are. Sometimes the body parts just don't match with it.


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

I don't think she's trans technically but I agree with the last two posters mostly.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I like what Rainbow Dazed said. Just to clarify my earlier posts, I was trying to say is that there is a difference between the sex of someone and the gender of someone. I think in this case the sex of your girlfriend is male but her gender is female (how she identifies herself, irrespective of her bodyparts). 

You seem to be responding to her female gender. But even if you were responding to her gender and her sex (male), why would it be wrong to be bi or even gay? As long as you are happy it doesn't matter. 

I believe that people who strongly identify as a different gender than their biological "sex" (i.e. body parts and chromosomes) were truly meant to be what they identify with but for whatever reason the biological development in utero went wrong and they ended up the wrong sex. I agree with Rainbow Daze that body parts are not the deciding factor in gender identification.


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

sorry some reason you want to believe she's male her sex is. Her chromosmes are xxy which is neither male or female and she has female body parts aside from different genital appearance she's as much female as a women with CAIS. If not more since her chromosomes are xxy and theirs are xy. Most people would agree a woman with CAIS is a woman who's got an intersex condition and is genetically male just not physically. Same pretty much here.Also gender identity disorder can not be made unless there is no sign of intersex disorders. Either way I agree with you guys but technically I don't think she's trans to be trans she'd have to be completely male she is not. Biologically she's always had more a female's body since she was about 12. But I understand your skepticalness in thinking she's lying about having klinefelter's syndrome but it makes sense to me and I believe her.
http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/about.htm
Gender identity disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
it states specifically here transgenderism and gender identity disorder can not be diagnosed when an intersex condition is present


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

and I've decided I identify as straight.


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## Rainbow_Dazed (Sep 28, 2011)

Hi footballfan1! 

I'm sorry for being confusing in my communication - I didn't mean to say that your girlfriend is trans. From what you have written she clearly is not. I just meant that for me personally the way one perceives his/her gender is what counts - no matter what the condition behind it is. 

People have different perspectives on how intersex conditions should be defined, and it is my understanding that even people with intersex conditions some times disagree on these definitions. In my eyes what is important is how she perceves herself and from what you have written it seems that you both have a clear understanding of your situation. I feel that is what is important and hopefully the people around you respect you in this matter.


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## footballfan1 (Oct 18, 2011)

I agree with you guys was just talking to to laurae and to the other poster I've actaully talked a lot to her and I feel like everything's figured out I have no questions really and complete support and am content with our relationship.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I just want to say that I really admire your maturity. You seem very smart, open, and confident for someone who is just 16. Glad you have things figured out and that you are comfortable. Cheers!


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