# The "Honey, I need to quit" talk



## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

I currently work full-time hours (contractor, no benefits). Last week I accepted an offer to work part-time (permanent, better pay) for another institution ... retaining weekend hours with the current job to bridge the gap until a better opportunity comes along.

Problem? The current job stresses me out greatly. The institution suffers from abusive practices, poor management, cronyism, and recent bad publicity. Working here is incredibly tough. And today, so many untenable situations snowballed that I broke down crying, then hyperventilated in my car.

I am extremely worried for my health; I'm very afraid I'm going to have a heart attack or stroke from the stress. I know my BP has been through the roof.

I spoke to my husband about the possibility of quitting this job entirely, at least until I could find a weekend replacement. He seems open to the idea but not convinced that it's the right move. How can I convince him that even though finances will be tight, I need to break from this job for the sake of my well-being?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

no job should reduce you to tears
despite my ex's sketchy job history I always encouraged him to walk away from something if it made him that miserable, if money is tight for a bit then so what?
your health and happiness is more important, total no-brainer


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## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

Yep! It shouldnt even be questioned.

I just recentley reached the end of my tether with my current position - made a phone call to my boss who that day had an interview slot for another position that would end all of my problems that day ( it was day shifts, not nights, which were killing me.yet it was a big pay drop ) I had no time to talk to Him and I needed to decide. So I did! I was nervous telling him, but the first things that he said were "that is wonderful! you are going to feel so so much better!" Which is what your Husband should be saying, in fact he should be refusing to let you out the door unless you are 100% fit and well and happy to do so.

If its still a problem, speak to your doctor..and take your husband so he can sit and listen to what your job has done and is doing to you. That should do the trick


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

After further discussion based on these responses, he's more open to the idea. We're going to be having more talks about chores, finances, and frugal living over the weekend. Wish us luck (and thanks!).


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

*Dean* said:


> Hi SabrinaBlue
> 
> Think of it like this for a man.
> 
> ...


While I get what you're saying, that's more in line for someone wanting to quit to be a stay-at- home mom - the planning etc. This sounds more like nervous breakdown, can't take another day let alone plan it out for months.
Do you have sick leave or stress leave you can take with pay?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

golfergirl, no - it's a contract job w/o benefits. I loved it originally - still love the actual job, truth be told - but over time it's gotten rotten from the top down.

What's keeping me going is looking forward to the new part-time job. The new place offers me a more serene work environment. I'll also be with a few wonderful co-workers who jumped ship from the bad job to the new place, so half my team will be people I've already worked with and trusted previously. I feel that I will be supported and allowed to blossom and perform at my best here.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Agree with Dean.

A lot of this depends on your exact situation. But in general a guy feels responsible for paying the bills and wants to feel like his wife is working as hard as he is (not necessarily income, but effort). So, two recommendations:

1) For future discussions, have a doable plan for doing without the income. It's nicer to hear "I'd like to quit until something better comes along, and this is it can work" than "I can't stand it!" and transferring your anxiety onto him. If your plan involves having less income for a long period of time (less hours or lower pay) make sure that is acknowledged and reflected in the plan.

2) Have a plan for what you want to do with your time. I know personally that I would support my wife getting out of a bad situation, but after a spell I would ask "you work weekends - what are you doing during the week". Are you planning to look for new work immediately upon quitting your old job, or take a bit of a break? If you plan to get more training or education, say so. And so on.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

would you be ok with your hubby quitting his job under your conditions? what your job sounds like is what most jobs sound like. they suck. but u need the money. if you quit your stress will go down...until hubbys goes up. he'll work more hours spending less time at home, which will add to your stress.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

anonim, no - this most definitely isn't like most jobs. I've had other jobs with _nowhere near_ this level of stress and anxiety, nor the abusive practices that go on. People have been fleeing the place in droves for the past year. It's just taken some of us longer to get a bite on other jobs.

DTO: the new job will be during the week. The old job would continue on during the weekends. That's the one I'm thinking of leaving. So ... slightly reduced monthly pay, but it's not entirely insurmountable. Things will just be tight as hell for many months. I am looking into finishing up my B.A. on the two weekdays I'll have off at the new job.

Thanks for the feedback on this.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tell him the new job will cause you to become way more horny.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife was a SAHM with our Daughter. Which is what I wanted also. My wife has had "jobs" but never a carreer. After our daughter started kindergarten, We started to talk about her going back to work... Well... I did most of the talking.

Then the time came and she wanted to upgrade our living arangements, even though we were in debt. I'll backtrack a little. She complained that theold car she was driving wasn't "safe" and wanted a better, more reliable car. So I bought one. With a car payment.

OK She begged and pleaded for a better home and as much as I protested "lets get out of debt first, she wouldn't stop. She PROMISED" to get a job once we moved and got settled. So I agreed to try to get approved for a home loan and for some crazy reason we got approved.

After 6 months she found a good part-time job with perfect hours and she quit after 3 weeks. Too stressful

We have not been the same since. That was 18 months ago.

I know it is not the same with you because you have a job. For a man... We don't have that luxury to quit. I have worked almost EVERY Saturday in tha past 2 years, as well as many evenings. My wife gets all the time in the world with our daughter and complaines when I am exhaused from 50 plus hours of work a week. Just because my wife didn't like the job, she breaks her promise.

I would support my wife in anything even school to learn something new. As of now, being self-employed, I have all the money stress.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband is in the happy wife happy life camp. I'm a CPA so as long as I assured him I could live on his income he was fully supportive of me quitting my job to be a full time homemaker. He knows if need be I have no qualms going back to work. I'm no entitled princess and I work my butt off at home. I don't want my husband to ever regret me giving up my great paying job.

Oh and I'm the frugal one and we both have security knowing I have marketable skills.

Before I quit I was coming home in tears most days as well. Being a career mom just wasn't working real well with me. My job wasn't family friendly. Long hours, stressful and I was in management. A baby didn't fit in that equation.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

From experience, I'd urge you to tell your husband to never under-estimate how quitting the stressful job will make both of your lives so much more enjoyable. You'd even have a better chance of figuring out ways to improve the finances, because all of those reserves you use to "just get by" are now aimed positively, towards him and your own life.

I once had to threaten to quit due to stress. It was in manufacturing, and through a bad series of events, I was having to charter a private jet daily to ferry parts from the area I managed. The stress was incredible, but I received no help from my peers and manager to deal with what was really a high level labor issue that resulted from contract negotiations outside of our workplace. With my threat of quitting, the employer threw in resources and I can't understate how much that improved everything in my life. I even found solutions for the work problems, now that I was looking at it with zero stress. It was an incredible bonding time for my wife and me, because she was supportive of me as a person, valuing my health over my income.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Maybe I'm just different. I love going to work for a place that has tons of problems. They obviously need better leadership. If you sucked it up and fixed a couple of their problems you could stand out as the sort of leader they need and you could end up running the place (with a hefty raise). When somethings completely jacked up the only way it can go is up. Lots of opportunities for you to shine in that mess. You could make life better for yourself, for your boss, the customers, and all the other employees. Right now, you feel hopeless because you see the job as something harsh that's being done to you. If you could view it as a fertile field of excrement just waiting for someone to plant some seeds, the job might actually become interesting and challenging. Anyone can be a change-instrument.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

unbelievable, my resume is a list of all the fantastic changes I've made at previous jobs. I _love_ making order from chaos. Until this place. This job. It's so resistant to change, it's scary. If I told you all the ways I've tried to enact change, I'd be compromising my anonymity to any co-workers who might lurk these boards, but believe me -_ I've tried._ I've spent a few years trying. There's no penetrating the cronyism that goes on. I had to give up.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

SabrinaBlue said:


> unbelievable, my resume is a list of all the fantastic changes I've made at previous jobs. I _love_ making order from chaos. Until this place. This job. It's so resistant to change, it's scary. If I told you all the ways I've tried to enact change, I'd be compromising my anonymity to any co-workers who might lurk these boards, but believe me -_ I've tried._ I've spent a few years trying. There's no penetrating the cronyism that goes on. I had to give up.


These are exactly the types of problems that frustrate people who are normally change agents. My own career was propelled forward after my example, because we achieved something that has never been done, and I've received bonuses, promotions, and visits from group presidents, VPs, etc, but when the culture itself is corrupt, often things are different. For me, it was the knowledge that the culture of the other management was unfixable, and hurting my employees, who I cared about. But what I was getting at is that the part time job impacts the other job in intangible ways, and every aspect of your life. Get out of the stress killer, and I think your normal energy will return, and you'll begin realizing new ways to go about filling in the financial gap. Just my opinion.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

Halien, that's exactly the situation I'm facing here. Unless the top dogs decide to radically change the management and company culture, we're all up the creek. Head/desk.

For now, I've made the choice to continue with them one day per week. That will allow us to maintain the exact same standard of living we enjoy now, with me only working four days a week instead of five (three of them at my new job). Opens the door to continuing education for me, and more couple time for us.

Something may come along down the road that will allow me to leave that place entirely. Until then, one day a week.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

As an update to my situation, I finally decided to leave the one-day-a-week job. My last day is coming up. I can't adequately express the relief I feel; it's like walking out of a dark, stuffy building into a cool, misty morning.

On the flip side, I just had my first performance review with the new company ... and they couldn't be happier! Very positive comments all around. They also take care to tell me what a great job I'm doing, and forward e-mails from top dogs about my performance. I've never felt so loved on at any other job. And a new full-time position will be opening soon - management told me outright that they want me to apply for it.

I'm glad I took this job. It's given me the courage to leave the old one for good, and march with my head up into what looks to be a better job future. Cheers, gang.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

If you can afford to, quit. Live with less and be happier.

In my own situation, my wife hates her job but through her overuse of credit cards she has managed to put us in a very bad situation. Repeatedly. I do most of the bailing and she does most of the spending. When she's at the breaking point and wants to quit I can only say, "I wish you could." But she's unwilling to give up the trappings that we pay so dearly for.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well it's not a my way or the highway type discussion, is it? Shouldn't it be more of a help me I'm drowning conversation? 

I once a had a job I quit because I traveled too much. I once walked in the door, my wife said to the boy "It's your dad". He picked up the phone. 

You make do you make adjustments.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

For a couple of years before I left my last employer, who really wasn't bad to work for, I used to get up and do my thing and then drive off to work, crying most of the way, the big, gut wrenching, out loud bawling kind. I know it's not a "man thing" but I so hated what I did I just could not help it. No, the boss wasn't bad. NO, I was not "mistreated". I am a very smart guy who likes problem solving and creating new things, and I was stuck in the most boring of boring routines, where I could do nothing, do nothing interesting... 

Yeah, it was bad. It took me years to get over it and to stop the built up frustration inside from spilling out and exploding all over. 

No job is worth that. Ever. Glad you found your way out.


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