# Getting over the hate



## sds (Jul 19, 2011)

I didn't know how else to title this but I hate what happened. 

Has anyone out there gotten over the feeling that the infidelity is something that will not allow you go forth with the relationship? Right now, I completely feel that I cannot allow myself to take her back and I don't see myself changing my mind in the future. We've been married for 9 years with 3 children. 

I just don't see any hope to rekindling any emotion. Has anyone out there been through this? How about getting over it?

Thanks


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Yeah I know exactly how you feel. Took along time before I could look at her without wanting to shake her . She kept at me though and showed true remorse so we are giving it a go. It's almost been a year and I still have days where I think of packing my things.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Why did she engage in this behavior? Did she know what the consequences would be by engaging in cheating? Have you exposed this affair to the OM's spouse or girlfriend and other important people. Have you been checked for STD's. What did she think would happen by her cheating?


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## hardtime (Aug 29, 2011)

Going through same situation. Wife cheated on me. I am mostly over that. Just mad as heck that she doesn't want to try and fix marriage. I believe that it can move forward if you both try. It will take alot of work and time. But everyone is dif and only you know if you can.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Along with Joe, my WW (wayward wife) has done the heavy lifting to keep the marriage going.
But, there are still alot of folks you haven't heard from that have not had the remorse that our WW have had. 

Some WW are so full of the FOG and are convinced the R is not going to happpen b/c they will not see the unhealthy behavior that is tearing up the family and have *not* done/ looked at every avenue to repair the marraige, but the WW will not come out of the fog so divorce is the path they need to take.

I can understand for many its a deal breaker, but in my case it was not. Point is some couples had a perfect marriage and do not deserve the infidelity. With me it was a problematic marraige way before the infidelity.

In short, and in my opinion if your W...or even if you can't repair this, then sometimes you just have to let them go. There is nothing wrong with that.
I'm just in the crowd , that all options and avenues should be exhuasted before the devorce.

With that you can walk away with out regret, knowing you did everything possible to commit to the marriage.

With that said please do not rush into any dicision , but in the same breat do not beg for your marriage if your chick is f~cking around (still)


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## sds (Jul 19, 2011)

The Guy. You hit on the nail for me. I'm feeling the rush to just get it all over with. Get these feelings and her away from me. What I wanted to express is that I don't have any energy to try every possible avenue before divorce right now. It just feels like I want to give up on it.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

sds said:


> The Guy. You hit on the nail for me. I'm feeling the rush to just get it all over with. Get these feelings and her away from me. What I wanted to express is that I don't have any energy to try every possible avenue before divorce right now. It just feels like I want to give up on it.


Yep. I was there. She would not give up though. She begged and pleaded for another chance. Honestly if she wouldn't have tried so hard I would have walked away. If yours wants to save this she is going to have to have all the energy and do the heavy lifting. If you can't get over the affair, well then you can't and you move on.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Just lose the hate. It's not healthy. No reason for it. If you feel you need to sever the ties, then that's how you feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Just lose the hate. It's not healthy. No reason for it. If you feel you need to sever the ties, then that's how you feel.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup. No reason for hate. If this is a deal breaker for you then move on with your life.

If there are no children this should be a lot easier to do.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Anger and bitterness are the toxic twins that will forever follow you and poison your heart and soul IF you consciously allow them to.


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## sds (Jul 19, 2011)

Thanks to all for the replies. I'm still amazed at the power of the internet to connect people from all over the world.

I know about holding on to hate. I also know that I'll eventually get out of it. Right now, however, that is my dominant feeling. I just need to feel it for a bit. 

I'm doing some individual counseling. Only three sessions so far. She hasn't done any but she scheduled a marriage counseling in two weeks. Is that too soon? What about her individual counseling? It's been two months since it happened and she says that she is done with it.


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