# Not a good day, today



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Everything was my fault. I think my wife suffers from Nearest Human Syndrome. If anything goes wrong, it is the Nearest Human who must be to blame. 

And that's always me.

It made me feel pretty low and worthless, but I swallowed it all down. 

And suddenly I was her hero again.

Suddenly she was no longer angry with me. 

And I was glad I hadn't reacted. 

Thank God I found this site. It's helping me keep my **** together!


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I think you have a dual role with your wife. One as her husband and the other more paternal?


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Thank God I found this site. It's helping me keep my **** together!



That's what we're here for. 

:toast:


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Awwww, Matt.

We're glad you are here!


----------



## Betabuster (Jun 7, 2012)

Complexity said:


> I think you have a dual role with your wife. One as her husband and the other more paternal?


Thats what most men have


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Sorry if Im missing something brother but...

She's venting on you about sh*t that isn't your fault and it's a positive because now you can take it quietly ? 

You sound happy that she's _now_ showing appreciation for the matt she's wiping the sh*t off her feet onto? 

Sorry if I missed something... sounded like you said she made you feel like trash for no reason. But your happy cause this time she rubbed your back after she kicked you in the nuts.

No offense dude, I hope I just misread that.


----------



## Betabuster (Jun 7, 2012)

pit-of-my-stomach is right, MattMatt you need to tell her that she's a mature individual and can discuss any problems she has in a mature way rather than unloading her crap onto you.
Tell her she's exhibiting unattractive behaviour on her part.
Thats as good as telling a man that he's useless get it?

And the best kind of punishment you can give her is to simply remove your attention when she's in a bad mood and go about doing your thing as if nothing happened. Just walk away when she's in a foul mood as if you can't hear her or just give her a confused look and walk out

There's another way in which you can entice her to avoid taking the dump on you, keep complimenting her when she does nice stuff for you. This will automatically crave for your approval even more and thus reduce bad behaviour on her part.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

It is tough and you just go day by day.


----------



## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

Complexity said:


> I think you have a dual role with your wife. One as her husband and the other more paternal?


Haven't you ever read a marriage license?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Complexity said:


> I think you have a dual role with your wife. One as her husband and the other more paternal?


Sometimes, yes.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Sorry if Im missing something brother but...
> 
> She's venting on you about sh*t that isn't your fault and it's a positive because now you can take it quietly ?
> 
> ...


She is an Aspie. So she really doesn't mean the stuff she says. That's why I try to swallow it. 

It's not easy to explain. 

Had I known she was an Aspie before I got together with her, would I still have got together with her and married her? Yes! In a f***ing heartbeat!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Betabuster said:


> pit-of-my-stomach is right, MattMatt you need to tell her that she's a mature individual /QUOTE]
> 
> Actually, in a sense, she isn't. Normally she can cope, but sometimes her Asperger's syndrome makes her do some stuff that's fairly bizarre.
> 
> ...


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You are a good man. If I was near a pub near you I would buy you a pint of Meantime IPA. Cheers


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> You are a good man. If I was near a pub near you I would buy you a pint of Meantime IPA. Cheers


Wow! That sounds good! Pint of Titanic Iceberg, coming back at you!:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You need to be firm with her and tell her that if she does not get into some kind of cognitive behavioral therapy for her behavior, the marriage is not going to last. 

Quit using her Aspergers as an excuse to let her get away with this garbage! She may be an academic, but she is also a social misfit, and needs to learn these skills whether the two of you stay together or not.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

One thing that does hurt me is that we rarely hug. If I touch her, she physically jumps, so there's very little of that. It's not just me. A worker in a shop tapped her shoulder to attract her attention a while ago and she had a panic attack, so I know it's a general problem she suffers from.

But sometimes I would like just to be hugged and cuddled. It happens sometimes, but sometimes not when I need one. 

This is starting to sound like I am whining, but, well, yes I suppose I am whining!


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> One thing that does hurt me is that we rarely hug. If I touch her, she physically jumps, so there's very little of that. It's not just me. A worker in a shop tapped her shoulder to attract her attention a while ago and she had a panic attack, so I know it's a general problem she suffers from.
> 
> But sometimes I would like just to be hugged and cuddled. It happens sometimes, but sometimes not when I need one.
> 
> This is starting to sound like I am whining, but, well, yes I suppose I am whining!


Can you give her fair warning? Ask her if you can hug her? If she says yes, take it slow? No surprises? Maybe she won't jump if you let her know ahead of time.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Can you give her fair warning? Ask her if you can hug her? If she says yes, take it slow? No surprises? Maybe she won't jump if you let her know ahead of time.


That's what I do. But I like spontaneity and have to suppress that, obviously!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Update: I found out what the real problem was. A letter from the bank upset her. It was a very clumsy letter, that made it look as if we owed them £5,000. On second and third reading it looks as if they might have to send US a cheque for £5,000 due to some serious errors on their part. So that's when the bad day suddenly became better!


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> One thing that does hurt me is that we rarely hug. If I touch her, she physically jumps, so there's very little of that. It's not just me. A worker in a shop tapped her shoulder to attract her attention a while ago and she had a panic attack, so I know it's a general problem she suffers from.
> 
> But sometimes I would like just to be hugged and cuddled. It happens sometimes, but sometimes not when I need one.
> 
> This is starting to sound like I am whining, but, well, yes I suppose I am whining!


Aspies hate being touched. I have hugged my sister twice in my lifetime. She hates hugging.

And your wife's inability to read when you need a hug?...yep...Aspergers.


----------

