# call me by another name?



## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

I found this written by my wife of 20 years she does not know i have found it 

I have been married a long time and met my husband when I was quite young. He was ‘my first’ (if you know what I mean) and also ‘the only’ and whilst we have had our ups and downs over the years, we have always muddled along together. As far as I know he has been faithful to me and I have always been to him. He is not a born romantic but he treats me . We have 1 child . 
The fact that he has been my only sexual partner has never been an issue, until quite recently that is…. 

A while ago I met up with an old friend (male) with whom I was very close but we had lost touch over the years. We were only ever mates, although I did have quite ‘a thing’ for him, and we shared so much of our youth together. We talked so easily and I so enjoyed his company again, he is a very sensitive and romantic kind of guy, and we promised to keep in touch. He has contacted me the odd time and I have contacted him a few times, sometimes he has replied and sometimes not, although I have not tried to contact him for some months now even though I would like to! I think he knows I have feelings for him and I know he had feelings for me once, but it never came to anything. 

Anyway, since then I have become a bit obsessed with seeing him again, I imagine that he has feelings for me and that’s why he tracked me down (I have no evidence to think this). I’ve started fantasising about ‘being’ with him and I think about him all the time. I am so curious about what sex would be like with someone else (him). 
I am not, and never have been, very attractive and am not very comfortable with my appearance but I have started ‘taking more care’ of my appearance, trying to make ‘the best of a bad job’ in case he wants to meet up again, although I know it’s unlikely. Consequently I have become more confident, a bit flirty and a lot more adventurous in the bedroom. My husband is delighted, if not a little taken aback and curious as to what has prompted this change. 
I love my husband very much but lately I feel I have missed out on something and want to feel special, made to feel attractive. I want to be romanced, seduced even! 

I feel guilty because my change in behaviour is directly linked to the way I feel about this other man. I imagine I’m with him when I’m making love to my husband and am really turned on by the thought of us together. I feel I am already being unfaithful and I am also worried that I cannot be trusted, should this other man ever show me the attention I crave. 
The trouble is I don’t really want this attention from my husband, it’s only a turn on if I pretend I’m with this guy and I think I have fallen for him. 
It is quite obvious that this man does not feel the same way about me, but I’m not sure how much longer I can keep up the pretence with my hubby. 

I have been in turmoil trying to deal with this revalation i do not know what the future will hold for us

My wife has now asked that when we have sex it is in the dark.. And would like to call me by another man,s name while we have sex . ( the old friend she has feelings for) How normal is this and should i do it? What does it say about me if i agree ?.
in time i I decided to go through with it for her

during her sex fantasy in the dark she said she loved me. she has not said that during sex or any other time in years.(part of her fantasy the other guy maybe?) i have mentioned this fact to her in the distant past . my wifes reply was "do we need to say that to each other after 23 odd years "

during the fantasy sex, she was so much more into it than normal..she had dressed up in her sexy gear full make up stockings ect . I could not enjoy it as i kept thinking this is not for me it is for him .. I could not finish the sex in our normal way.. but she seemed satisfied.. later she said she wanted to call me by this other guys name during sex but didn,t encase it put me off. ?
any views would be most welcome
Matt Black


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Honey I dont have a lot to say, just that hold strong. I think you should talk to her about this if you dont want to tell her that you found this than tell her that she has changed and why. Maybe she will open up? If not then do what feels right for you, but dont be played the fool.

Stay strong.


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

thank you for your reply
I had found other things she has written as we share the same e-mail account (deleted e mails). We did have words about it, We then decided to get counselling and everything came out in the open.. she realised how I felt and said it was a mid life thing and promised me these thought,s/word,s would stop.. This and a love poem to him where sent after we had 7 sessions with a relate councillor. I have as yet not told my wife i have found these letters. I am to broken hearted I have to face up to the fact she is more interested in this other guy and has been prepared to lie. I also feel that if these feeling she has for this guy stop, she will find somebody else to transfer them to, I have suspicions she is interested in a work colleague. This show. s up with limp excuses about working late and wearing provocative clothes to work, something she has never done up till now..( she refuses point blank to discuss my fears passing it of as paranoia)

I have no real idea how to solve this problem. I am still haunted by what happened when we went to the counselling session. we were asked what we liked most about each other. I manage to reel of many things she struggled for quite a while and said "he keeps a tidy house".. You can imagine how crushed i felt after a reply like that. I have to try and move forward with this but not sure how.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Matt ~ Deep down what does your gut say? Do you think you can save your marriage, do you want to, can you continue to live like this?

draconis


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

draconis said:


> Matt ~ Deep down what does your gut say? Do you think you can save your marriage, do you want to, can you continue to live like this?
> 
> draconis


thanks for your reply

Deep down my gut feeling is we are all but finished as a married couple. Im not to sure if we can recover from this as i know it is the tip of the iceberg. for a long time now she has been disengaged from me, and more and more she shows her resentment towards me.
I have now suggested a trial separation. she does not what this to happen I feel it will give her a chance to realise what she had and me a chance to discover i no longer need her betrayals in my life. 

wish me luck im going in


Matt


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## berlinlife06 (Dec 26, 2007)

Well, I guess the trial separation will be best for both of you. Who knows? Maybe things can change... But as Draconis asked you, I would recomend you listen to your heart and follow what you think is best.


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## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

Draconos is right listen to your heart. You obviously love her but I ask my self if the feelings are mutual. The trial seperation is a good idea, to think things through and see if this is what both of you want. good luck!


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Good Luck to you honey. And listen to your innerself.


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

hi just a quick up date

i decided to stay with my wife and try and work around this issue it was working fine till i discovered the man in question is now working in the same office. my wife has no idea i know this and has now changed again .. she has lost about 5 stone and counting and is loolking after herself clothes make up ect . 

looks like the end is getting closer by the day


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## optimistvik (Aug 4, 2009)

dont worry everything will turn around. just give time. and all the best


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

hi thanks for the reply

i hope you are right 

what where the chances of him working in the same office?

i will watch the situation but feel there is little i can do.

my wife has become very distant and negative towards me.
and has started to work late something she has never done in the past.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

This is normal.. Since she was her first she is naturally curious. Yet it is a phase. As long as she doesn't act on it your doing good. Reconnecting is the best way for you to get by this. Focus on you guys and the OM will disappear..


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## iceycat (Oct 8, 2009)

Matt, I speak from experience where my previous marriage fell apart from my ex having extra marital affairs and hoping, just hoping that she would really stop this time. Your wife is already cheating in her heart, she has been the whole time. The acting out of fantasies in such an intense way is proof of that. She has been making love to him, not you while acting out these fantasies. Now that there is a physical presence with the person in question it is over. The biggest thing I learned is that marriage is only a two person process if the other person chooses to be a part of it. She is not choosing to be a part of it. You seem to know this in your heart.

Ask yourself, do you deserve this? No, you deserve better. You need to prepare for the inevitable here, secure your bank accounts and financial records, when my ex was having her last affairs she drained the bank accounts leaving me with zero financial assets so she could have her cake and eat it too. Make sure you have copies of all your personal paperwork and records, begin considering division of assets and property now. 

I am all for people working out a tough marriage and trying as long as the will to try is there, but the problem is she clearly has no will to try, she has already left in more ways than one. I am so sorry. Trust me when I say trying to hold on to this one is a lost cause and you will only hurt yourself more deeply in your hopes of desperation. I can tell by how many concessions and second chances you've given that you're the type of person that I was holding onto a false hope that maybe, just maybe she'll come around. Matt you deserve better than that, you do NOT deserve to be put through this crap. YOU ARE NOT 2ND PLACE! So don't settle for it.


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

Loving Husband said:


> This is normal.. Since she was her first she is naturally curious. Yet it is a phase. As long as she doesn't act on it your doing good. Reconnecting is the best way for you to get by this. Focus on you guys and the OM will disappear..



thanks for your reply
The phase has been going on for many years on and off ,not quite sure if it is a phase or fantasy. Whatever it is it is destroying me bit by bit. 
Also the realisation that she is losing weight dressing well looking after her appearance is not for her it is for him, trying to impress him perhaps.?.
as you can see from my original post this has been going on for a while. she did lose touch with him , but now he works in the same office perhaps either way fate has played a hand


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

iceycat 

I do understand what you say perhaps IM in denial. not sure im ready for the ultimatums yet . emotional infidelity can be corrosive within a marriage.

i try to be a good husband i work hard do everything around the house chores maintenance garden ect to keep our home nice
He from what I have been told is a tramp lazy looks way older than his years several broken relationships behind him. But he commands her love and affection I just don,t understand it. perhaps if he was good looking younger and rich it i could understand it but he is undeserving of her love/lust or fantasy.

i would prefer to stay and weather the storm i know it will be difficult but i at least have to try again


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## iceycat (Oct 8, 2009)

Of course Matt, I understand it's completely up to you. Not saying you should issue an ultimatum unless perhaps it's to yourself. Have you ever seen the movie Fireproof? I recommend it if you haven't. It is a Christian movie so if you're not I don't mean to offend or anything, but this guy has made some mistakes in his marriage and his wife is seeking the affections of another man, it's all about his journey to do what it takes to make things work and the majority of the movie is her spent not giving a crap about him or how hard he's trying to make things work. One thing I liked about the movie is that one of the messages you take away from it is that no matter how hard you try, even if the other person doesn't come around at least you are right with yourself and can hold your head high. Slightly cheesy in some of the acting, but it's a good watch especially for trying to figure this sort of thing out. 

I respect your determination and certainly hope she proves worthy of such effort and compassion as you give her. Praying for you.


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Read my signature..............


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

It sounds like your wife is more in love with a fantasy. If she actually got together with this guy, she would begin to see the faults and would likely think OMG! What have I done???

Remember the quote: 

*"Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it." ~The Physics of Wishing*


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Hi Matt;

Stop. Don't do anything drastic. I was just reading advice columnist "Ask Amy" in my local paper. There was a letter from somene who could have been your wife. She felt guilty about it. Amy's advice was don't worry about it. Sex lives get old, and the one thing that sex between you can NEVER be is "new" again. If fantasizing helps, go for it. Quite frankly, I'd be thrilled w/ all of the new tail I'm getting, if you know what I mean.

Of course, the guy working in her office adds another dimension, and I can't help you there. But hopefully the above story adds a little perspecive that was missing in the rest of the replies.

Good luck.


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## iceycat (Oct 8, 2009)

To each their own, but no way could I ever be okay with enjoying all the "new tail" while my wife was fantasizing I was someone else.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Call her by her best friend's name.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

dobo said:


> Call her by her best friend's name.


I like that one.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

And then her sister... and every meaningful female in her life. She'll get the picture.


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## optimistvik (Aug 4, 2009)

dobo said:


> And then her sister... and every meaningful female in her life. She'll get the picture.


I dont think an eye for an eye concept will work out in relationships it will make the matter worse. so be careful.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

optimistvik said:


> I dont think an eye for an eye concept will work out in relationships it will make the matter worse. so be careful.


Nothing worse then a women scorned..


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Absolutely, but she's playing a game thinking her husband is stupid. This isn't an eye for an eye. It is an illustration. He doesn't have a thing for her best friend or her sister. He's making a point.


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## optimistvik (Aug 4, 2009)

dobo said:


> Absolutely, but she's playing a game thinking her husband is stupid. This isn't an eye for an eye. It is an illustration. He doesn't have a thing for her best friend or her sister. He's making a point.


sure i do agree but when you think from an women's point of view it is the worst thing a husband can do to her. and it will aggravate the issue rather than cooling down.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

> i try to be a good husband i work hard do everything around the house chores maintenance garden ect to keep our home nice


This is going to sound crass, but ... Why?

I'm asking you to think about why you continue to behave in a manner hoping to win acknowledgment, approval and love from a woman who shuns your efforts, and already has emotionally betrayed you.

Is it your intention to just ride this out until she looks you in the eye and tells you that she is leaving? 

I am pointing these things out, because I did the same. I didn't want to rock the boat. 'Not' rocking the boat is what enables the behavior. Both hers and yours.

Change your behavior, and consequently she will have to change hers. You will achieve one of two results, you will shock her out of her fantasy world of having a dutiful husband and a paramour on the side, and she will choose to work on the marriage, or you will speed up the inevitable outcome of dissolving the marriage. Take some control back.

I stopped doing all of the 'dutiful husband' stuff. If she asked me to do something, I either said no, or 'yes, after I've finished what I'm doing.' I didn't consult her, ask her permission, or let her know when I made plan. Within the span of 4 weeks I completely turned the dynamic of how the previous 12 years had operated. She had no choice but to engage me.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

optimistvik said:


> sure i do agree but when you think from an women's point of view it is the worst thing a husband can do to her. and it will aggravate the issue rather than cooling down.



Since I'm a woman, I *am* thinking about it from a woman's point of view.

She's in need of an emotional wake-up call and so what if it hurts?


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## Roundtable (Oct 4, 2009)

You have some hard choices to make, and I hope you have the stregth to get through this rough time. My thoughts are with you. Remember, you will come out of this ok one way or another.


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

hello all
thanks for everybody's input some of them made me smile some of them could work 
i think perhaps she is in a fantasy world who knows? having a third person in our marriage is degrading to say the least but the sex is better. not an ideal scenario but i will make the most of it .. 

in answer to the question why? I work hard so does my mrs it is easier for me to do the chores than her and besides i have my pride. Keep the place clean and tidy.. and i still love her corny i know but that's it. i will not do anything hasty just observe from afar hoping it is all just a fantasy as we all know fantasy is better than reality most of the time.


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## optimistvik (Aug 4, 2009)

matt black said:


> hello all
> thanks for everybody's input some of them made me smile some of them could work
> i think perhaps she is in a fantasy world who knows? having a third person in our marriage is degrading to say the least but the sex is better. not an ideal scenario but i will make the most of it ..
> 
> in answer to the question why? I work hard so does my mrs it is easier for me to do the chores than her and besides i have my pride. Keep the place clean and tidy.. and i still love her corny i know but that's it. i will not do anything hasty just observe from afar hoping it is all just a fantasy as we all know fantasy is better than reality most of the time.


I am happy to see a positive reply. all the best things will work out well...


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## dbj1971 (May 29, 2008)

It is sad that people tend to let themselves go as they settle into the comfort and familiarity of a stable relationship. It's like, "I had to put my best foot forward to get you, but not that you're mine - in the bag - I can lighten up and be a slob." Then, they decide to go on a crash-self-improvement program when they get their fancy tickled by a fantasy or by another person who hasn't been there for them all those years, someone who is a Johnny come lately. What's one line in that song, "Will she still love you when you're not around?" If she's mature she will; that's when you find out whether you have a real man or real lady - how they act in times of trouble or when the first feelings of excitement aren't new anymore. 

I happen to think we should ESPECIALLY want to be our best for our spouses, not just for the new guy or girl who moved in next door or arrived on the job. We have it all twisted sometimes. I think it's partly because many people are immature, and partly because they're basically selfish and only put forth the effort if there's something in it for them.

Maybe this is my rant and doesn't really help the original poster, but I'm disgusted with how people act, with how we backbite, two-time, and double-cross each other. I would find it particularly insulting to have someone take me for granted, while I all the while loved them just the way they are (overweight, etc) and stuck with them through bills, mortgages, childbirth, illness, etc and then have them decide to give their best effort when a new fantasy comes in view. It's like, what the [email protected]!? Where was your best for ME? Guess I wasn't worth the effort.

As far as the fantasy-induced sex, I don't agree with someone who said basically, hey don't complain - enjoy it. To me, it's not any better than if you were to watch a porn video while having sex with your wife but all the while pretending that you're doing it to the woman in the porno. Either way, the "real" person is being used as a masturbation aid while they enjoy the fantasy. She might as well bypass you and use a sybian. Anyone can have sex; it takes a mature person to really MAKE LOVE.

I wish you the best. From what I've seen, about half the people really aren't very mature when it comes right down to it.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

How do you look these days? If I were you, I'd get out there and get myself in shape and work at being an interesting guy. That will get her attention more than the cleaning. I love that my hubby cleans, but seriously, it has never turned me on ... it's just good partnership, which you can't discount, but if you're in this crisis, hire a maid and go work out.

As for your wife, if you have been her only, I see how she's just dying of curiosity. Not fair to you, but very human. If I were you, I'd let the woman satisfy that itch within a safe'ish context rather than go having some illicit affair (those things feel really passionate half the time because of the secret rather than the actual person).

Find a good swinger's club, read up on how it works and invite her to go with you - not wishy-washy "honey, do you think that maybe kinda sorta" (turn-off!), but a sexy, assertive invite "hey girl I know you've been really wanting to experience some sexy things and I'm bringing you to do it and will get off watching". 

This may not be your style, but you better open up your mind quick, if you want to save your marriage. Sounds like it's either that, polyamory or an affair.

Why don't you just ASK her if she wants to sleep with someone else and why? Are you willing to give her permission (with rules) to go play and then come back when it's done? Set an end date or something. Set boundaries as to whom. Whatever. But it's possible she loves you and is your soulmate, but just needs that experience. You saying "if you must, go do it and come back and tell me how it went" may actually diffuse it or just plain old make you seem so freaking secure that she'll wet her pants.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Some of us don't think swinging saves a marriage because it isn't compatible with our definition of marriage. It saves something but I haven't a clue what it is...


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

I have tried to better myself in the past got promoted at work, more money better prospects.. She was happy for me/us . I enrolled on a course to improve myself passed the exams. I have always been very fit but I took up bike riding and other physical exercise dropped a stone in weight. 
I have been more positive about life, tried to organise trips for us both anything she wanted to do. We did nothing in the end other than an occasional country walk.

i have even broach the subject of swinging, anything she fancied no pressure
no danger with or with out me .. she said if she did she would want me with her. i have embraced anything at all she fancied doing in the bed room, toy,s dressing up ect.. i can do all these things but as already mentioned i cant be him and i can,t be new......i think she has a deep seated love of this guy .as i can,t be him there is little i can do. she still shows me affection,but we all know it can be turned on and off like a tap.

She has still not admitted to me he is working in the same office. Sometimes I think that is a good thing as she has no idea I know ,so her guard is down ,I have not noticed any change other than in the bedroom, things are a little more intense.

As to what the future holds IM not sure but it is a bit soul destroying knowing she has these feeling, s toward this other guy.
he has several broken relationships behind him he dresses like a tramp he is sullen, lazy and devoid of any charisma he is an emotional wreck. and has no saving graces whatsoever.. make, s me feel good about myself.... not
It would be easier to handle if he was sophisticated rich and successfully so it does me no good at all to know he is a waster.
I have no idea why she feels the way she does about him ,she had a minor crush on him about 25 years ago.. is life so bad with me she has to reach back so far for something that was really nothing?


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

I now have stronger suspicions she has arranged to meet him in soon.
IM not sure what the hell to do, if i bring up i know he works in her office she will hide things better,

i have talked to her about her feelings for this guy before and i was accused of being paranoid,and run the risk of losing her

I have no idea how best to deal with this. I did think of going to the restaurant but i can, t get there. child minding duties.


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

A long time coming . I no longer care to be second class in my marriage . I have split with her as i have found myself is such a happy place with a woman who loves me for me . Im so looking forward to a wonderful life with Hazel . She is everything i could ever have wished for in a woman plus more . So anybody out there feeling like i did DO NOT GIVE UP. Either sort things out or move on ,I regret only one thing . Missing the clues if i had been open hearted i would have realised my time was done


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So did your wife meet up with the guy? Did she consummate it? What happened?


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## easysolution (Mar 5, 2014)

" Focus on you guys and the OM will disappear.. " 

SMH at some of the advice you got in the previous pages until Deejo stepped in. This place sure have changed in five years, hopefully it didn't take that long for you to be rid of the tumor you were living with. I'd like to hear how it happened.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'll say TAM was different back in 2008. Would love to hear how it went down for Matt.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I'm wondering on timing. being the logistics guy. when did she start to lose the weight?
when did she consummate the affair?
wow tam was different back then.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

matt black said:


> A long time coming . I no longer care to be second class in my marriage . I have split with her as i have found myself is such a happy place with a woman who loves me for me . Im so looking forward to a wonderful life with Hazel . She is everything i could ever have wished for in a woman plus more . So anybody out there feeling like i did DO NOT GIVE UP. Either sort things out or move on ,I regret only one thing . Missing the clues if i had been open hearted i would have realised my time was done


Now this is what I like to read as an update to every old thread.

Your ex-wife can now have sex with a thousand people while feeling completely vulnerable, defeated and regretful for the rest of her life. She will never feel as safe and comfortable with anyone else.

You on the other hand can hold you head high, enjoy your new-found love and feel confident about your odds in the event life throws you yet another sh1t-storm.

You didn't mention this, but I bet my life savings that the dude she cheated on you with eventually dumped her less than a few months later. I even doubt they had anything more than a few car-sex or motel-sex sessions.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

matt black said:


> thanks for your reply
> 
> Deep down my gut feeling is we are all but finished as a married couple. Im not to sure if we can recover from this as i know it is the tip of the iceberg.


I am not so sure! 

I think a LOT of people have fantasies-even think of other people when making love to their spouses. Hey, after decades of the same guy, a little mustard on top never hurts the recipe.

What is unusual is that she let her fantasy out...told you she wanted to pretend you are someone else, even call you by a different name. I view this as a form of marital "role play". IT would be the exact same sort of thing if you met her in a bar, she pretended no to know you, you "picked her up", and went to a hotel room for wild sex as "strangers". Perfectly OK to do that.

but I see more recently that you two have split. I am guessing you found more concrete evidence of an actual affair? too bad. I think with the proper outlet for her "fantasy life" you two might have figured out a way to keep the train on the tracks.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> I am not so sure!
> 
> I think a LOT of people have fantasies-even think of other people when making love to their spouses. Hey, after decades of the same guy, a little mustard on top never hurts the recipe.
> 
> ...


Seriously??

Role play and what this guy was dealing with are Not the same thing at all. There was a specific person, real to life, and not her husband dressed as a stranger.

I can't believe how different TAM was back then. There's been an awakening.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I definitely do not think you should just allow her to fantasize about another man while having sex with you. That is just feeding her feelings for him, how is that productive for your marriage? You guys need to go to marriage counseling right away.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I think Murphy has a rich fantasy life. I would like to know if his spouse is aware of it or if they are unaware.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Op,my ex and I didnt survive that kind of discovery either. Glad you moved on. So did I.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Has a thread ever had a bigger time gap between posts and NOT be a zombie thread? Wow!!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

"Yeah, Baby, you can call me by another name. How does 'ex-husband' suit you?"


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## matt black (Feb 8, 2008)

So did your wife meet up with the guy? Did she consummate it? What happened?

Well as afar as I know she did .But alas carless whether she did or not 


Your ex-wife can now have sex with a thousand people while feeling completely vulnerable, defeated and regretful for the rest of her life. She will never feel as safe and comfortable with anyone else.

True enough but I doubt I would have ever been happy to stay as the hurt was deep she has a life time to regret . I regret nothing


I bet my life savings that the dude she cheated on you with eventually dumped her less than a few months later. I even doubt they had anything more than a few car-sex or motel-sex sessions.

He is no longer around .Presumed long gone … 



"Yeah, Baby, you can call me by another name. How does 'ex-husband' suit you?"


Fine by me lol

I will admit that during the bad times I was resentful so much so I joined a dating/sex site. I met two women the first time I cheated I felt guilty as hell and it just did not work for me I did not desire her in anyway .Retribution perhaps? . Many months later I met another again she was not for me. Yes there was sex but nothing more .Maybe im a sap? I needed love affection and feeling important to somebody. As I have already mentioned I have met the most perfect woman through volunteering would you believe ?. I would not change anything from my past as I feel all the hurt and the meetings with other women led me to where I am now . I have read many threads over the years and rarely have they been updated so I thought I would do it . Maybe I will update in a few years lol Now married and blissfully happy? 
Matt


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