# What should I do now ??



## wifey4lifey (Oct 13, 2012)

Hi guys. 
I would appreciate some feedback/ advice on my current situation as I am I'm sitting here completely bewildered and lost.

My story started like most stories. Graduated from college, fell in love, got married, had a baby. 

All of this happened with in 4 years and we have been married for 3 years.

My husband is a serial online cheater. Every single time I would find out he would beg me and cry his eyes out and silly me always forgave him. 
I notice since all of this started he would criticise every single thing I do. He would tell me how the house is filthy and how I should not bother to make food as it so tasteless. 

Now this is the man that has 3 course meal waiting for him after work almost every night and I spend 3 hours cleaning my house everyday. 
Needless to say I feel small, low, useless. Here is the kicker I am a stay at home mum and I PAY ALL THE BILLS. 

He has a extremely good job that pays very well, yet he does not contribute to anything and claims he is saving for our family and we should use my family inheritance to manage for now. This has been going on for 2 years. 

The reason I'm here is on Thursday he come home from work packed up all of his things and left. He told me he could not live like this anymore I'm a horrible wife and mother and that I'm just useless and he refuses to carry my throughout life. We haven't seen him since then.

My question to you guys is

1 what do you think of my situation 
2 what should I do next 

Ps. Excuse my name it was made a long time ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Hint: there are millions of men dying to meet a faithful woman for love and marriage.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I think he has done you a HUGE favor by leaving. He is an abusive person, he abuses you verbally, emotionally, financially. You deserve much, much better. 

Change the locks and don't get sweet talked into taking him back. He has little to offer and you should get out now before you waste any more time on him. All that cooking and cleaning and paying the bills too, he should be treating you like a queen. You can do better, much better, than him. Even if you stay alone, you will have peace and self respect.

Cheaters often try to turn the tables, since THEY can't be a man and take fault for their own hideous behaviour, they will start criticizing you and picking on you to justify their immoral conduct.

Don't fall for his crap and get out while the getting is good.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

indiecat said:


> I think he has done you a HUGE favor by leaving. He is an abusive person, he abuses you verbally, emotionally, financially. You deserve much, much better.
> 
> Change the locks and don't get sweet talked into taking him back. He has little to offer and you should get out now before you waste any more time on him. All that cooking and cleaning and paying the bills too, he should be treating you like a queen. You can do better, much better, than him. Even if you stay alone, you will have peace and self respect.
> 
> ...


It's the cheating. No one deserves that. Just as no one should be treated like royalty. 

People should treat others as they want to be treated.

Why are you cooking all the meals? Paying all the bills? Doing all the cleaning?


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## wifey4lifey (Oct 13, 2012)

Thank you all for taking the time to reply it's much appreciate. 


jay_nelson - yes they all were online relationships. When you are in a situation for a long time it becomes the norm for you. That's why I came here for advice I can not talk to my family and friends. 
As for counselling i can't remember how many times I ask him to go with me,but he thinks it's a bunch of crap to put it lightly.

pictureless - it didn't start out as me paying the bills. This whole thing started as soon as I got my inheritance. It all went down hill from there. He persuaded me to buy a house with the money and suddenly I saw myself paying for everything. Every time I would express my concerns he would just sweetly say honey I'm saving up for our family and I swallowed his crap. 

indiecat -- I know in the long run I will feel this way, but right now it feels like no favours has been done for me. You are 100% right about the abuse.
He use to talk to our 12 month son in a baby, sing song voice asking him if mummy feed him and changed him and he would make sure I heard. At the time I thought it was funny, but now I see it was just one of many ways he use to put me down.

Every day my energy was consumed with getting the house perfect, making a perfect meal making sure I looked perfect and my son looked perfect. 

All that efforts would be destroyed with him say something like look at the crumbs on the floor how could you not notice that and then the next day I would try harder. It's like the more he abused me the harder I would try to make him happy how sick is that.

He has not contacted me since he left not even to ask about his son. 
I feel so lonely, but strangely peaceful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Get the locks changed on your house. Before he comes back.

Talk to a divorce attorney. ASAP. Start focusing on protecting you and your child.

Cancel/freeze all joint bank accounts and credit cards.

At some point in time he will want to come back. Be strong, and don't buy into it. It only means things didn't work out with him and whatever woman he went to shack up with.

How to Leave a Cheater

I just discovered I was cheated on. Now what?


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

wifey4lifey said:


> Thank you all for taking the time to reply it's much appreciate.
> 
> 
> jay_nelson - yes they all were online relationships. When you are in a situation for a long time it becomes the norm for you. That's why I came here for advice I can not talk to my family and friends.
> ...


You are in a sense, lucky, that you have a feeling of peace during such a difficult time. You sound strong.....he will be back, but you need to be VERY CAREFUL with him. Strong boundaries if you even consider letting him back in your life. Peace to you. D


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## wifey4lifey (Oct 13, 2012)

heartbroken84- thanks, but I'm pretty sure the reply was meant for someone else.
threestrikes - I spoke to a friend of mine today who also happens to be a lawyer and she advice me to start hiding my money. 

I have no Idea what to make of it, but she told me flat out if this heads to court he is gonna try and wipe me dry. 

There is no join account as he refuse to get it when we got married, but was more then willing to have them after the money came.

I have never had access to his accounts nor do I know how much is in them. 

As I type this I am starting to see how absurd my whole situation/marriage was. 

Thank you for your word I will try to stay strong. 

Ps. The locksmith is coming tomorrow morning
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Retain a good lawyer.


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## wifey4lifey (Oct 13, 2012)

/betrayedone - thank for taking the time to reply. 

I don't feel strong at all. I feel like just laying in a dark room and sleeping all the time. I know I can not do that for the sake of my baby and for the sake of my own sanity. My son is the source of any strength I have now. 

Peace to you too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mainstays (Jul 29, 2013)

Be strong for your son. Continue to be positive. It seems to me you weren't appreciated at all and he just took advantage of you and all you did. Are you able to contact him at all? Does he still want this marriage to work? If not get a lawyer and protect yourself, if so it's going to take work to get it right. It's a decision you have to make. Seems to me that he has a lot of growing up to do. I just hope he will be a better father than he has been a husband.


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## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

Sorry about that, new to using this forum!


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