# I dont love him anymore!



## twilight123 (Sep 23, 2009)

I left a week and a half ago. We have been married for 14 1/2 years and together for 17. We have 2 children 13 & 9. In the past 6 years my dad has died and i didnt deal with it properly and in the past 12 months my mother has been diagnosed with early on set alzheimers and has dramatically declined. My sister lives interstate and doesnt help at all with my mother.
For the past 2 years of our marriage it has been a roller coaster. I changed jobs, lost 25kg and had my stomach fixed. I have become more confident and want to do more things. He has always been quiet and not very sure of himself and a rather negative person.
I told him that I dont love him anymore he says he still loves me. Last night he had tea with me and the children and my unit. He told me that he was scared to try and make any effort to fix our situation as he didnt want to make an idiot of himself if it didnt work. I was hurt but understood what he meant. I am the one who has always done everything in our relationship (ie bills, holidays all organising). He kissed me and truthfully I didnt feel anything and the kiss wasnt like it used to be. 
I dont want to string him along but dont know how to tell him that its over??????
He also wont go to counselling and when i went to address my problems was very upset that I couldnt talk to him about my problems.
I know that Im confused but I have been wanting to leave for ages and I do actually feel happier and less pressured when I am not with him.
Thanks for your time


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

It's hard to go by emotions. The "in love" feeling comes and goes. If you continue to push it along it will grow. If you ignore the little things it goes away. So I would say get a list together of the pro's and con's of your husband. Then make a list of the pro's and con's if you were not together. See if the con's outweigh the pro's if it does then seperate. At least go that route first. See what it is like without him. The heart is very decieving. If you follow it you will not be happy. You might have an immediate happy feeling but long term nobody knows.. Good Luck.. Think it through..


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

He's afraid to be made a fool of? How's he going to feel when you leave him and everyone sees that he's the one who has been left? 

To me, that speaks volumes. He won't go to counseling. He won't talk. He is afraid to try. There's a guy who either doesn't care if he's married or not, or a guy with his own problems.

Encourage him to seek help on his own, about himself. And you do what is best for you, whatever that is.

Separate?


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## twilight123 (Sep 23, 2009)

Thanks for the replies.

He is and always has been very insecure. He is the quiet one Im not loud but am when compared to him. I feel so much pressure from him to work myself out that being away is a relief. The first week I was away I was by myself and truthfully I really enjoyed the peace (not that we argue but there is silent pressure for me to fix myself).

He does think that it is all my problem and will not talk. But he did admit to not treating me very well (not physically) and knowing that he was doing it.

He wants me to go back but I think that it is because he is scared to be by himself and what others would say. He says that he loves me but I think that it is more that he is used to me being there doing everything for him and make sure that he is happy.

I want to be happy. I am sick of the pressure. Even when i see him now he wants to touch me etc and we havent had very much physical contact over the past 4 or 5 months. I am not attracted to him anymore. He is a great person and an even better dad but I just dont feel anything for him in fact I am wanting time away so that I can just think and sort myself out. But due to children and trying to keep their routines as per normal I see him nearly every night.

I suppose I dont want to hurt him but in the end I am going to. I just dont know how to change my feelings to keep him happy.


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## helldarodo (Sep 24, 2009)

this is going ta be wierd but i see your point my wife right is in the same boat as u,yes we are going to separate,he needs to change his negative to postive need to spark that flame again!!yes sounds wierd from a man who getting kick out his home but in my case i know we need a break 15 yrs only apart a couple days work store home kids same old same old gets old and bored need to miss each other and i think it will learn to love again


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