# Second Thoughts



## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

Why do I find myself almost daily second-guessing my decision to move out? I remember how awful it's been, living under a cloud of constant criticism, negativity, and accusations. The smear campaigns.

But for some reason lately, all I can remember are the good times. Part of me wonders if I just go back home and apologize if we could go back to those times. I know that's not realistic...too much has happened in the meantime that we need to either resolve or go our separate ways. But I continue to be haunted by random thoughts....

(1) Did I act too rashly? Should I have toughed it out longer?

(2) She's been so "normal" to me since I moved out. Is it possible that the last 2 years were the abberation? Or is what I'm seeing now the exception to the rule?

(3) Was it all just one big, monstrous misunderstanding? Could we have worked it out? (Of course, I remind myself that I tried to work it out and the harder I tried, the worse things got)

(4) Should I have just sucked it up and endured it? After all, no marriage is perfect. Was I expecting too much?

(5) Is this really what's best for my son? I told myself before I left that having mommy accuse daddy of bugging the phones and having mommy spend hours scolding daddy in front of him had to be worse than me moving out. But is it really? All kinds of friends who grew up in dysfunctional homes have told me they were RELIEVED when their parents finally divorced. Is that the truth?

(6) I know it was bad. I know I was slowly dying in that environment. But why do I feel so guilty for walking out?

(7) Was it really unrealistic of me to give her an ultimatum - either you get counseling for your issues or I'm gone. Was it unreasonable of me to move out when her answer was "I don't need counseling, because I don't have any issues?"

Lots of well-meaning friends think I should just tough it out, stay, and wait for her to come to her senses. But others completely understand where I'm coming from and why I'm doing what I'm doing.

So why can't I understand it myself?

Maybe I really am the crazy one after all.....


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You're not crazy. You're human. Second thoughts are very human.

I think your friends are right, and I think you'll feel better in a couple of days. Just hang in there.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She's normal to you now because you are gone and she is relaxed.

Sorry you are having these thoughts  But I think you made the best decision for now.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

You feel like you are crazy because she made you feel that way. Bless your heart I just want to reach through the monitor and shake you! .


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> You feel like you are crazy because she made you feel that way. Bless your heart I just want to reach through the monitor and shake you! .


Pidge, would u be trying to.shake some sense into me? Notice I said I'm doubting myself. I never said I ***AM*** going back. I know better! But I just feel so darn conflicted!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I know you are. I wish there was an easy way to do this for your sake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I know you are. I wish there was an easy way to do this for your sake.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks, Pidge. I don't mind it not being easy. I just want to make sure I'm making the best decision possible for all 3 of us!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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