# Am I being selfish?



## Tranquility01 (Jun 8, 2013)

hi,

I'm quite nervous posting this here..but I need advice. Because there's so much going through my head that I don't know what is wrong or right any more.

I married when I was 16 which is quite normal in my culture. And I'm married for 9 years now. It was more like an arranged marriage with my permission. My husband asked to marry me and during our engagement( about 4 months) we got to know each other a bit and got married.

My husband is a good person who loves me and our kids. And takes care of us.Is a responsible person.
But the problem is that he is quite controlling,likes everything his way. And we are total opposites in personality he get angry and irritated quickly when I do something wrong. For example if he asked me to do something and I forget he gets angry and says things like ' you can't do anything right etc.' Even though I do everything around the house. I never ask him to do any cooking or cleaning or even prepare his own stuff such as clothes etc. I don't mind doing doing things for him and the housework but I would like some appreciation. He hardly says thank you but he is quick with criticizing me and telling me what and how I did something wrong. About 5 days out of the 7 he has to argue with me. 

I'm thinking this is my fault because for the last 9 years I've always put what I want aside..just because I'm tired of arguing and I don't want my kids to grow up like this. Most of the time when there is an argument I stay quiet and let him say what he wants because I don't want things to get worse. Because this has happened before and he will end up saying very hurtful things 

I know I'm not the perfect wife..I'm not really organized..and he likes everything organized. And I forget easily. But at the same time I'm caring,loving and try to be there to support him when has difficult times. I never say hurtful things to him..and always try to discuss things in a calm matter out of fear to hurt his feelings. 

Now I'm at the stage that I don't think I love him any more..but I'm staying in this marriage for him and my kids. I know he loves his children a lot and I don't want to separate them. I'm feeling guilty for being selfish and ashamed of thinking of divorce.

I've been in a marriage since I was 16..I really don't know how where to start on my own. And also my parents..in my culture divorce is a very big issue..the entire family will get involved. In my culture a good marriage means a husband supports his wife and kids..the wife stays home and take cares of the kids and the house..and that's about it. If you have that it means you're in a good marriage.

Am I being selfish for wanting to divorce?

thanks for reading..and I hope you can give me some advise


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

No, not selfish at all but consider this. What if you could change things? Have you ever told him he is not meeting your needs? Have you ever considered going to marriage counseling? There are ways to work on your marriage before giving up. If it doesn't work then at least you can say you did everything to try to save it. If your husband knows you will leave if he doesn't try to make it work it may scare him. You will know if he really loves you if he is willing to do anything to save it. 

As far as you not feeling like you love him anymore. I'm not surprised as you have built up so much resentment over the years. You can fall in love with him again. You did not mention your sex life, how is it? Is he a selfish lover? Does he satisfy you? How frequently are you intimate?


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