# SAHD question and infidelity



## confusedhusband1 (Aug 17, 2012)

Do you think that SAHD are more likely to be cheated on? I would appreciate more of a female point of view on this. Do you think of them as being weaker or less masculine than a man that works full time? Are they more likely to get walked over or shown less respect in your eyes?

Curious on your thoughts. Thanks.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Women do not respect sahd's. Period. Don't care what they tell you, they don't; it's only a matter of time before they look elsewhere. A close friend of mine's husband is a sahd and a bodybuilder, and she has told me she doesn't respect him. To my knowledge she doesn't cheat but she has no sexual desire for him, and he's a good looking dude. Even women that work are wired to want a man that can provide if things go south. It makes them feel secure and protected, and this is a huge turn on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

CH1 :
The general (I would say almost 100%) feedback you are going to get on this forum with being a SAHD is its basically automatic that your W is or will cheat on you. 

That being said, you should also know that most of the threads here are of men being cheated on who are not NOT SAHDs.

In fact, most of the threads involve men who have bent over backwards for their wives, gave them everything financially, and were still cheated on.

Just wanted to chime in with the RARE different view that you are about to get.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Women do not respect sahd's. Period. Don't care what they tell you, they don't; it's only a matter of time before they look elsewhere. A close friend of mine's husband is a sahd and a bodybuilder, and she has told me she doesn't respect him. To my knowledge she doesn't cheat but she has no sexual desire for him, and he's a good looking dude. Even women that work are wired to want a man that can provide if things go south. It makes them feel secure and protected, and this is a huge turn on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


An overstatement however.

The probability of being cheated on as a SAHD is statistically far far higher than average.


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## MissBrandy (May 29, 2012)

I wouldn't be with a SAHD, for me a man is suppose to be the provider. I am financially dependant whoever my man should also provide financially if not more, if u can't do that then i would see you as "weak". So to answer your question, i would say yes SAHD's are more likely to be cheated on...personal opinion


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Yes, more likely without question. Even if you only use the logic of potential (to cheat), the exposure to others increases the probability in itself. Something like1/3 of A start at work... add a lack of respect + opportunity, and it = perfect storm


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Here I thought women wanted to be treated as equals...

I would never be with a SAHW or with someone who earned less than me financially.

I know it's not PC, but it's just how I feel.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I think this is why it cannot be overstated that engaged couples need to communicate very clearly about their expectations...and sure, sometimes we don't have the experience/maturity to recognize this sort of issue, but a decent pre-marital counselor should really walk this through.

While I have never been a SAHH, I did support my wife through college, who in turn, landed a good paying job compared to the type of work I did to pay the bills. She started to lose respect for me about that, she making more than I...and she had no qualms about starting EAs for a season. But after some major upheavals and a near-divorce, she changed her attitude about it. Sure, she may had felt some internal security preference warring within her, but at the time, she felt like I am the one she wants...so it's not quite the dealbreaker to her that she once felt it was. Of course, that's really been put to the test because of my cancer diagnosis and not working at all the last 4 months..and now who knows what?! However, if I miraculously get over this hurdle, we have very much talked about me transitioning into something better. 'Cos honestly I DO want to provide for my wife and leave with some lasting protection for her.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Even *women that work are wired to want a man that can provide* if things go south. It makes them feel secure and protected, and this is a huge turn on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





kristin2349 said:


> I know it is not PC but no *I couldn't be with* a SAHD or *a man who earned a lot less than me*.





MissBrandy said:


> I wouldn't be with a SAHD, for me a man is suppose to be the provider. I am financially dependant whoever my man should also *provide financially *if not more, *if u can't do that then i would see you as "weak". *





FormerSelf said:


> I did support my wife through college, who in turn, landed a good paying job compared to the type of work I did to pay the bills. She started to lose respect for me about that, she making more than I...and she had no qualms about starting EAs for a season. But after some major upheavals and a near-divorce, she changed her attitude about it. Sure, she may had felt some internal security preference warring within her, but at the time, she felt like I am the one she wants...so it's not quite the dealbreaker to her that she once felt it was. *Of course, that's really been put to the test because of my cancer diagnosis and not working at all the last 4 months..and now who knows what?!* However, if I miraculously get over this hurdle, we have very much talked about me transitioning into something better. 'Cos honestly I DO want to provide for my wife and leave with some lasting protection for her.


Fortunately, I have never been out of work. My wife stays home with the kids. I make a lot of money. I find the responses to this thread very disturbing because they have gone further than the original stay-at-home dad question and basically said a man is only as good as his earning power.

Hopefully I never get cancer, or lose my earning power, and have my wife see me as "weak" or less of a man for it, lose her respect for me, or feel that she can no longer be with me.

For the women who have responded, do you really feel this way? If so, do your husbands know this is how you feel about them?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

kristin2349 said:


> I know it is not PC but no I couldn't be with a SAHD or a man who earned a lot less than me. I don't judge anyone else who choses differently. I am just saying what I feel.


I'm interested in that kristin why do you feel that way?

What's behind your view on that?


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Love the double standard on here, it is awesome.
Men need to make the money, and provide. I mean if I came on here and said my wife should be doing the laundry and have my meal ready I would get run over. 
Go ahead, tell me I am wrong. I am a man so I wont be listening, but go ahead anyway.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stupid phone deleted my post! 

What I said was this is nonsense in the main.

If a wife cheats and her husband works she will blame his job. If she cheats and he is a SAHD she will blame that!

In general a cheater cheats and they look for an excuse that puts the blame on their innocent spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Fortunately, I have never been out of work. My wife stays home with the kids. I make a lot of money. I find the responses to this thread very disturbing because they have gone further than the original stay-at-home dad question and basically said a man is only as good as his earning power.
> 
> Hopefully I never get cancer, or lose my earning power, and have my wife see me as "weak" or less of a man for it, lose her respect for me, or feel that she can no longer be with me.
> 
> For the women who have responded, do you really feel this way? If so, do your husbands know this is how you feel about them?


Agree with that

I've been on the end of it too here's a response I had verbatim from mvstbx "he has demonstrated to me the kind of life I could have and want (financially)

Our circumstances lead us to be me working from home largely part time and full on child care and her more part time (but still part time) and her being the main earner. It was a beautifully managed perfect situation where we both did not have to 'work our balls off', the children got taken care of easily and this allowed her the freedom to enjoy the life she said she wanted and I know for a fact enjoyed, plenty of free time to pursue her ambitions, plenty of holidays, nice house, often great sex (but not always) Basically she wanted for nothing. 

In terms of work I was older than her and our respective job opportunities were better than mine but I was great with the kids so for me anyway there was a perfect balance there

After a string of liasons EA eventually PAs where blame increased upon me the final 'the one' mentally told her what I had given her was in fact "no security" (15 years of er no "security" before that tho!!)

Truth is she was is and always be a fking cake eater. She was a cheat who was gonna cheat nomatter what I did - the more freedom you gave her the more she wanted.

Here's an interesting example - at points during the marriage my work would significantly increase, gigging pro musician teacher etc so I would have to go away to work to earn it no problem you'd think more money rolling in. As that increased and I was away for more wends (although this was often seasonal) I suddenly started to get her being down on it all

"Now we don't see you at all for a period of time - what kind of marriage is THIS !!!!?" 

Opportunities abroad came up and were very very lucrative in the short term but I got 

"Sure that's good for the money but what about US? our 'personal relationship' that will suffer I do not want to be in a position where I look elsewhere"!!! So I'd turn down the work - you guessed it - later on that was me being lazy!!

Sorry it's all bollocks - a cheat, is a cheat, is a cheat and they will find whatever reason on this earth to justify and blame it on something somebody else 

There's so much on this site I agree with over the years but two things 

1/ alpha beta males and 
2/stay at home dads

Almost 'deserving' what they get is complete and utter sh!te (imo of course) 

Any one looking to cheat will do it. 
If it is in their heart - you're fked, whether your aplha, beta, gamma, ipsilon, whatever 
If you're a stay on the moon dad 
If you do no work "you're lazy have provided nothing" if you do too much "we don't see each other any more "

None of it matters it's all just excuses ultimately 

________

On a side note I'm actually chuffed to bits having been a proud and providing stay at home dad for our kids. I have watched them through each and every phase of life more than many men get to do - it's a privilege and at the end of my failed marriage I can honestly say I'd have done nothing differently 

Actually I lie - I would have done one thing very differently - I'd have kicked her cheating ass into the drain after the first infidelity ! 

_______

ps might be worth mentioning the "demonstration" of the kind of life she could have has, so far, over a year and a half later amounted to this :- 
he still has not left his wife 
she is still a bit on the side 
up top her neck in debt 
living in a two up two down and apparently 
spends an awful lot of time crying 

My face is often not wide enough to fit the sarcastic smile that sometimes stretches across it


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Love the double standard on here, it is awesome.
> Men need to make the money, and provide. I mean if I came on here and said my wife should be doing the laundry and have my meal ready I would get run over.
> Go ahead, tell me I am wrong. I am a man so I wont be listening, but go ahead anyway.


Yes! 

What on earth are you talking about nuts - I never listened to my wife - why the hell should I break the habit of a lifetime and start listening to you !?

:smthumbup:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Personally I don't think it is about being a SAHD or a workaholic or whatever.

At the end of the day if she wants to commit adultery she will.

The trick is, whatever you are, is to be perceived by your wife as a man. A man that she would hate to lose. And sometimes that perception is out of your hands, it is more to do with the broken morals of your spouse.

Perhaps there is a slight feminisation of a SAHD if he isn't careful to do man stuff?

I don't know, I've never been in that position but I do know that I do an awful lot of beta things around the house. Nearly all the cooking, some of the laundry and cleaning etc.

I also consciously take care to be the man about the house.

Apart from the very early years of our marriage where we had our 'problems' we've been golden.

However I find my wife attractive so I'm sure other dudes do as well, and despite my best efforts, given the wrong set of circumstances, somebody could turn my wife's head.

All we can do is be the best man we can be for our wives and try to load the dice in our favour.


The rest is down to luck, good or bad.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Fortunately, I have never been out of work. My wife stays home with the kids. I make a lot of money. I find the responses to this thread very disturbing because they have gone further than the original stay-at-home dad question and basically said a man is only as good as his earning power.
> 
> Hopefully I never get cancer, or lose my earning power, and have my wife see me as "weak" or less of a man for it, lose her respect for me, or feel that she can no longer be with me.
> 
> For the women who have responded, do you really feel this way? If so, do your husbands know this is how you feel about them?


I think that's an overstatement. I don't care if my hb makes less than me, which he very well could as my profession is highly paid; he just needs to work and be a man. That's my opinion. And men are well within their rights to look for a women that works; in fact, I think having a sahp these days is ludicrous, but that's me. And the issues you speak of (ie cancer, illness) are things that happen through nobodys fault so of course I wouldn't hold that against anyone. I think it's an issue of overall ambition.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

No matter what the reason, any unemployed husband has a greater chance of being cheated on no matter the reason for unemployment.

A poster a while back said a sahd was three times more likely to be cheated on. On average, about one third of women will cheat. If you multiply that by three what do you get?

I haven't been able to find the study that found the three times stat. There are a lot of studies that show unemployed men being cheated on. Google it. There are also studies showing sahd are a lot more likely to cheat than working dads.

Trying to go against millions of years of biology and also ancient wisdom, rarely if ever works. This is just another attempt to reinvent the wheel.

To be fair, stay at home moms are among the top categories of cheating women, along with health care workers and teachers.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I would love to be a SAHH, I mean who wouldn't want to be provided for as opposed to providing for???

In my marriage it is funny because she earns more cash money than I do but our house is part of my benefits package along with my car, so although cash in the pocket she earns more I have a greater benefits range from my job.

So where does that leave me?

What ever is said here it comes down to this, a lack of communication of one or the others feelings about where things are in the marriage or relationship gives way to inner feelings and frustrations that inevitably lead to the breakdown of the marriage or relationship and usually it results in cheating.

Would it be said that because I can do the dishes and cook my own meals I am less of a man, am I lesser due to being able to separate the colors when I do the laundry? Or how about when I clean the house from top to bottom when she is away and even polish the windows?

My manly side comes in when I am welding and building, when I am wrestling young colts and training horses, when I am mending my truck or helping my neighbors, or hunting with the guys.

But your marriage is what you make it. Only communication of thoughts and feelings can make it any better, but that door swings both ways I am afraid to say.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Hehe funny thoughts 

So what about me then? 

What would make me cheat on her? 

What does she have to be then - alpha gomer makka blubber stay at the office earner, stay at home mother, sit on the toilet genius, movie star, etc etc ....for me to want to deceive her, betray her, bring her to her knees, destroy her and our children, rip up other marriages, lie to her, blame her, slice up her heart bit by slow bit ????

Simple answer - nothing 

....because..... *I'm not like that*


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Here I thought women wanted to be treated as equals...
> 
> I would never be with a SAHW or with someone who earned less than me financially.
> 
> I know it's not PC, but it's just how I feel.


I've learned the reason things need to be "politically correct" is because the truth of the matter is just to unpleasant for our sissified society. 

Political correctness is a way of trying to pick up a turd from the clean end.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Funny. I posted that Beta Males are basically just waiting in line to be cheated on, and took the fury of the masses.

When we call it SAHD (the penultimate Beta Male), everyone agrees. Hmm.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My ex h was unemployed during our marriage. He refused to help with housework, cooking or any child care. I brought the baby to and from daycare, came home to cook, clean and take care of the baby. It was very taxing. My ex h was the one who was cheating. I came home twice to women in my home if I got off early. Supposedly they were just "friends". My ex h is an unfaithful freeloading user. Plus, everything I did was never good enough for him and every night he kept telling me how worthless I was. I ended up leaving, especially after I had solid proof he was cheating. My ex h still cheats and works very part time. His wife holds down 3 jobs and works very hard while he still does whatever he wants. I'm surprised she hasn't left him, but she also was fighting for him while we were married. 

I didn't mind working and paying all the bills, but I mind when I'm not treated with respect. When I married my current husband he wanted me home with the kids. He likes being the sole provider. It took me a while to sink into the sahm role. Staying home with the kids is very rewarding on many levels. Many people do have issues when there is one parent who stays home unemployed regardless of gender. I don't see anything wrong with a sahp whether its the man or woman. If I had a career I loved and I was able to physically work, I would not mind my husband staying home. 

A cheater is going to cheat regardless and use any excuse possible.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I want to clarify because I know this a response is coming. When I said I think a sahp is ludicrous I did not mean it doesn't have value, I just think it isn't worth the risk (ie divorces, working spouse losing their job, etc). If you make this decision together that's great, but I still think that in general sahd's are not respected. Like someone else said, it's many years of biology; I could argue that men who look at porn or any other women are scumbags but then there would be a ton of men claiming that men are biologically driven to look at and think about lots of women and you can't change that. This is the same principle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

confusedhusband1 said:


> Do you think of them as being weaker or less masculine than a man that works full time? Are they more likely to get walked over or shown less respect in your eyes?
> 
> Curious on your thoughts. Thanks.


Here's something that's not PC but something to think about that may answer your own question. What type of a man would want to stay home babysitting while his wife earns a living?


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

confusedhusband1 said:


> Do you think that SAHD are more likely to be cheated on? I would appreciate more of a female point of view on this. Do you think of them as being weaker or less masculine than a man that works full time? Are they more likely to get walked over or shown less respect in your eyes?
> 
> Curious on your thoughts. Thanks.


If you want the cold truth about this, don't ask women for their opinion. Look at their behavior. 
Househusband backlash as high-flying wives ditch men <em>they</em> wanted to stay at home | Mail Online

Women don't respect a sahd. Men don't respect sahd's. And for good reasons. Unfortunately, we still tolerate and even encourage this trivial form of labor in women.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Here I thought women wanted to be treated as equals...
> 
> I would never be with a SAHW or with someone who earned less than me financially.
> 
> I know it's not PC, but it's just how I feel.



You are more than entitled to feel that way; no judgment here. The part about who earns more is impractical though; I certainly don't care if my hb earns less than me as long as he has some ambition in life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: SAHD question and infidelity*



kristin2349 said:


> Will:
> 
> Yes my husband knows I feel this way. I am not talking about illness or a major set back. I am talking about who he is in terms of ambition and what he is doing in life.
> 
> ...


My wife read your post and adamantly agrees with everything you said.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: SAHD question and infidelity*



Numbersixxx said:


> If you want the cold truth about this, don't ask women for their opinion. Look at their behavior.
> Househusband backlash as high-flying wives ditch men <em>they</em> wanted to stay at home | Mail Online
> 
> Women don't respect a sahd. Men don't respect sahd's. And for good reasons. Unfortunately, we still tolerate and even encourage this trivial form of labor in women.


This is probably not PC but my wife has said on more than one occasion that unless there is some extenuating circumstances there is no reason for a woman to be a SAHM. She says that just isn't enough to do at home and mothers should be working at least part time once the children start school. We have both made sacrifices in our jobs for the sake of kids and family but both of us have worked consistently since we married.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

bfree said:


> This is probably not PC but my wife has said on more than one occasion that unless there is some extenuating circumstances there is no reason for a woman to be a SAHM. She says that just isn't enough to do at home and mothers should be working at least part time once the children start school. We have both made sacrifices in our jobs for the sake of kids and family but both of us have worked consistently since we married.


The whole idea of the sahm as we know it is a modern invention. For most of human history, both men and women worked, just in different capacities according to their abilities. It took more strength to hunt and work in the fields and men are physically stronger, but it still took both parents and usually the kids to run a house. Even though they were home they weren't intensely parenting little Johnny, there was just too much to do. One of the reasons that traditionally women lived longer was because older women often assisted with grandkids, while men weren't much use once they were too old to provide. Of course i'm just talking from an evolutionary perspective. As modern conveniences made it easier and less time consuming to run a house, men wanted to keep women in the home as a form of control and the modern sahw was born. Religion had a lot to do with this.
Two partners can come up with any arrangement they want and that's fine, but the modern sahp is just that, a modern invention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

bfree said:


> This is probably not PC but my wife has said on more than one occasion that unless there is some extenuating circumstances there is no reason for a woman to be a SAHM. She says that just isn't enough to do at home and mothers should be working at least part time once the children start school. We have both made sacrifices in our jobs for the sake of kids and family but both of us have worked consistently since we married.


Definitely her point of view but not a fact.
Mrs. Conan and I decided how we would run our household before we got going. She would be a SAHM and I would go kick it financially.
We home schooled our boys and occasionally, she worked part time but usually it involved our children. We always ran a budget off of my income and never needed hers.

This is how we wanted to operate and she taught our boys, lots of work for a SAHM.

Now that our sons are grown, she is looking to get her personal training license, for her own personal growth not because we need the money. I have encouraged her and supported her in all of the decisions she has made for herself and us.

Both of us sacrificed for our lifestyle. I did not go into the field I really wanted to because it wouldn't support us.
Now we are both pursuing our dreams having accomplished what we set out to with our children.

I have nothing against women with careers, my wife will soon have one, she may even start a business and I am preparing to start my own business as well. 
I definitely think one size does not fit all however and couples who pull off two careers and kids well, are pretty amazing in my book. We just realized this would be best for us. Cheers.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

kristin2349 said:


> You are right Headspin a cheater is a cheater.
> 
> They will find a reason to back up their pathetic behavior. You acted as a partner. And she acted as a solo artist.
> 
> ...


While a cheater is a cheater, it doesn't explain the behavior. A lot of it is luck. For example, the more people a person comes into contact with the more they are likely to cheat. Certain professions are very high for cheating and others very low.

When a player sees a woman with a sahd. he smells a quarry. Look at Jerry 123 and how his neighbor and wife put him down and teased him.

Beautiful women are more likely to cheat. They can be more narcissistic and more players hit on them.

Women have a 4-7 year biological urge to change partners.

Married women, during ovulation, are more aggressive than single women on GNOs, more flirtatious, dance more provocatively and dress showing more skin than single women.

Rampant biology versus brain power. That's when the excuses/rationalization starts.

As for men, there are supposed to be more cheating men than women though that seems to be mathematically impossible. I've known men I believe that would gladly hump a stump.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

"hump a stump"
Ha ha, thanks for the laugh 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

WOW! This thread was able to raise my blood pressure in no time flat. 

Money doesn't make a man. A job does not make a man. I see professionals get cheated on all over TAM. Men and Women. What we do for a living doesn't matter. If someone is horny and selfish, they are going to cheat. It doesn't matter who is bringing in the money, they are going to be betrayed either way. 

It takes A LOT more ambition and dedication to raise children into good men and women than it does to get into that office every day and showing his wife the money.

I would never even associate with someone that stuck their nose down at a stay at home father. I don't mingle well with shallow.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> It takes A LOT more ambition and dedication to raise children into good men and women than it does to get into that office every day and showing his wife the money.


I've got a saying. If you don't want to be criticized for hanging around the den while the female hunts, you need to be a lion.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

My brother was a SAHD for 5 years and his wife cheated on him with her old boyfriend. They ended up getting a divorce over it. I never really thought it had anything to do with the fact he was a SAHD but now I wonder.

Clay


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Clay2013 said:


> My brother was a SAHD for 5 years and his wife cheated on him with her old boyfriend. They ended up getting a divorce over it. I never really thought it had anything to do with the fact he was a SAHD but now I wonder.
> 
> Clay


She would have cheated either way. The problem was HER not your brother. He should be commended for wanting to be hands on with his children.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

SAHD---doesn't compare well in the mind of a working wife---if she has anything to do with the power players in her company/business----they will come off as very alpha, sure of themselves, and powerful, they deal with the upper levels in everything ----H that stays home, cleans house, takes care of kids------you be the judge

It ain't right but that's the way it is-----also money turns a female, or male's head-----it speaks in words, that even the heart/logical brain, cannot fight.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

jnj express said:


> SAHD---doesn't compare well in the mind of a working wife---if she has anything to do with the power players in her company/business----they will come off as very alpha, sure of themselves, and powerful, they deal with the upper levels in everything ----H that stays home, cleans house, takes care of kids------you be the judge
> 
> It ain't right but that's the way it is-----also money turns a female, or male's head-----it speaks in words, that even the heart/logical brain, cannot fight.


I work with rich, superalpha business owners every single day. There isn't a thing about them I would ever admire over the SAHD I had at home. So, no...it isn't the way it is.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey lisab---that's you and only you---that IS the way it is for many others


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> ..they have ... basically said a man is only as good as his earning power.


And the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. The same as it ever was.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> WOW! This thread was able to raise my blood pressure in no time flat.
> 
> Money doesn't make a man. A job does not make a man. I see professionals get cheated on all over TAM. Men and Women. What we do for a living doesn't matter. If someone is horny and selfish, they are going to cheat. It doesn't matter who is bringing in the money, they are going to be betrayed either way.
> 
> ...


A man who does masculine things with masculine skills (not mr mom), can in fact earn less, even much less, and attract a woman. It helps if he's triggering those limbic ques with his V torso physique, but even that is not completely necessary. The key is that traditional male get up and go to work at a manly job. Google "Larry Fortensky." However, SAHD is not a question of "if", it's a question of "when" and "how many."


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I do think there is a huge problem with men and how they do deal with these situations these days. I include myself in this. I always said if she cheated on me I would be gone. No questions asked I would move on. I never did that. I died inside and let her suck me into it deeper each time. Yes she was so remorseful. Yes there were kids involved. I should have left when it happened the first time. I think honestly if more men would stand up and actually be more of a man this kind of stuff would not happen near as often. 

I was an idiot in my marriage. I will never allow myself to be in that position again. I have no problem being alone. I have no problem raising my kids on my own. 


Clay


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: SAHD question and infidelity*



lisab0105 said:


> I work with rich, superalpha business owners every single day. There isn't a thing about them I would ever admire over the SAHD I had at home. So, no...it isn't the way it is.


Lisa, you sound like a very intelligent progressive woman. But I have to wonder if your attitude is the rule or the exception that proves the rule.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

bfree said:


> Lisa, you sound like a very intelligent progressive woman. But I have to wonder if your attitude is the rule or the exception that proves the rule.


Well, lets put it like this...he gets hit on more when he tells people he is a SAHD than he ever did when he was working.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> A man who does masculine things with masculine skills (not mr mom), can in fact earn less, even much less, and attract a woman. It helps if he's triggering those limbic ques with his V torso physique, but even that is not completely necessary. The key is that traditional male get up and go to work at a manly job. Google "Larry Fortensky." However, SAHD is not a question of "if", it's a question of "when" and "how many."



Hey was a classic "boy toy". She met him at rehab trotted him around like a show pony for a few months before divorcing him leaving him broke ...she did leave him 100k in her will. And when he was interviewed he was fat and living in a trailer. She actually left more money to her housekeepers.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Stupid phone deleted my post!


That's a classic case of blame shifting, MattMatt.  Now, try again with something like this: "I hate this stupid phone because *I* keep deleting my posts with it." LOL 

I just had a feeling that this thread might get heated. I thought the former WS could throw in a little levity. 

My husband has worked since he was 15 years old. He has a very good job and makes a nice salary (although, raising 5 children took a big chuck of it for many years.) I worked the first 8 years of our marriage and when I was pregnant with our 2nd son I became a SAHM, and have been for the last 21 years. In the 27th year of our marriage, I became a WS. Now, to address the OP. Do I think that SAHD's are more likely to be cheated on than men who work outside of the home? I'm not going to dig real deep and I'm not going to be politically correct, TAM correct or anything other kind of correct. I am simply going to say that it is my opinion that whether a man works outside of the home, or works inside of the home, while his wife is the primary provider, does not determine whether or not he will be betrayed. It is his wife's capacity, willingness and decision to cheat that determines whether or not he will be betrayed. 

With that having been said, the "propaganda" that Machiavelli (sp?) posts around here is not even remotely politically correct. But, like it or not, we all know that there is a great deal of truth in it. There are always exceptions to every rule, but they are far and few between. So, again, speaking only for myself, and not filtering (censoring) my words in any way, if a man has a wife who is capable of cheating, and she has so little respect for him that she is willing to cheat, she would most likely have less respect for a husband who is either incapable or unwilling to be the (primary) provider. I'm not referring to marriages where both spouses work and make comparable salaries or to marriages where the husband has become ill and can no longer work. 

This may anger the the feminists around here, but it's just the way I feel about it. I like for my husband to open the door for me. I like for him to buy my dinner, I like for him to kill spiders, and to lift heavy boxes and to reach things in high places........ and I like knowing that he can financially provide for his family. He's a man, I'm a woman. The differences are vast and they are far greater than what can be seen with the naked eye (or body.)  So, if you have a wife who would never cheat, under any circumstances, then it doesn't matter whether you are a SAHD or a work outside of the home dad. If you have a wife who is capable of cheating and is willing to cheat, I think she is far more likely to cheat on the SAHD. Politically correct? No. Fair? No. Truth..... For me and mostly likely many other women, yes.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

kristin2349 said:


> Hey was a classic "boy toy". She met him at rehab trotted him around like a show pony for a few months before divorcing him leaving him broke ...she did leave him 100k in her will. And when he was interviewed he was fat and living in a trailer. She actually left more money to her housekeepers.


One might think, but not quite. While he was a fat alky, she left him $800K, but gave him plenty more over the years between the divorce and her death. I think they were married for about five years, but that's not the point. The point is that even without a physique or money he bagged her, she admired his getting up and going to work everyday without expecting to life off of her earnings. There's a lesson there.


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## MissBrandy (May 29, 2012)

This has nothing to do with money, bottom line is a man was made to be a provider, and a woman a narturer (sp?), i dont expect my man to cook either, he does so when he feels like it.
As much as we're in the modern days of gender equality, some things cannot be changed. There's nothing "manly", sexy or attractive about "Mr Mom" who changes diapers n sits in an apron all day etc, especially those who chose to. Both me and my husband work fulltime and bring in more or less the same amount to the plate. And the guy who said what if he gets a deadly disease....that is different and not by choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Odd. Mine cheated on me with a SAHD.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> Odd. Mine cheated on me with a SAHD.


There always going to be exceptions that swim against the tide, but I doubt that your wife was working with high powered, high test males all day, like say, a woman attorney would be. Again, even if she were, there will be those who deviate from the typical behavior. Three, uh, women graduated from MC School of Infantry a couple weeks back, but I doubt see lines of high school girls outside of the local recruiting station.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

I have nothing against stay at home dads. I could never be one. To be honest, the day's I have my son by like the 3rd sometimes 4th day I'm just exhausted and bored outta my mind. He's a little guy and still needs constant guidance and stuff. I couldn't imagine doing this all the time all day everyday, 24/7 , not because it's hard but because it's mundane. I love my kid, but damn. Sometimes I just need a break lol. 

Also, I've always liked to work and have my OWN money. In terms of having money, my profession doesn't allow me and will never allow me to be wealthy, but I do it cause I absolutely love it. Plus, I mean chicks dig firefighters, I was told this long ago. But not till' recently have I seen this "ole' wise tale" come to fruition. 

I think the statistics are slightly higher for SAHD to be cheated on because their wives don't see them as a man to be honest- not that I'm saying that, but women just seemed to be geared to either a man who earns a lot of money or men that do cool or intriguing jobs. 

As a man I think you should work, I know that in this modern day and age that there's a lot of progressive thinking that say's otherwise, but a man should have purpose outside the family, might sound a bit harsh and old school, but that's just what I think. But I'm a little buzzed right now and probably shouldn't be posting on tam, lol. To each their own I guess.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Headspin said:


> Agree with that
> 
> I've been on the end of it too here's a response I had verbatim from mvstbx "he has demonstrated to me the kind of life I could have and want (financially)
> 
> ...


Great post and should be a thread-closer.
Women who use the 'lack of respect' or 'earning-potential' excuses are just as pitiful as those who have an affair because her husband is working long hours to keep and support the damn family in the first place!!

Women are so deluded its untrue...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Clay2013 said:


> I do think there is a huge problem with men and how they do deal with these situations these days. I include myself in this. I always said if she cheated on me I would be gone. No questions asked I would move on. I never did that. I died inside and let her suck me into it deeper each time. Yes she was so remorseful. Yes there were kids involved. I should have left when it happened the first time. I think honestly if more men would stand up and actually be more of a man this kind of stuff would not happen near as often.
> 
> I was an idiot in my marriage. I will never allow myself to be in that position again. I have no problem being alone. I have no problem raising my kids on my own.
> 
> ...


Every single letter of your post was my life to the last full stop.

I sometimes look back and as arrogant as it might sound - I was a pretty good husband, she wanted for nothing, emotionally mentally sexually, supportively. I was far from perfect I had my own things that no doubt annoyed her ( we all have that ) but effectively I know in my heart she could not have done much better. 

It took me a while in the aftermath to realize just how good to her I'd been having been emotionally hung drawn and quartered to the point of really questioning my own sanity.

So good for me. I don't regret much of my actions in 15 years. 

However you have hit upon the one colossal failing I did have, the same as yours Clay

For me - two strikes and out

*I should have given the one* but two what a complete ****head I was for giving her another chance after that 

I deserve a damn good slap for that 

And you like you that's the last time I ever get myself there


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

political correctness is ruining the world!

anything with the world political in should tell you something.

politics is basically... say a lie to further your adgenda.


some simple questions.

would you rather have a big strong man bust into your burning house and try to drag/carry you to safety or a woman?

would you rather have a big strong man care for you when injured or sick or a woman.

in my mind and women are equal but have complementing attributes. and god designed it that way.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

TheFlood117 said:


> I have nothing against stay at home dads. I could never be one. To be honest, the day's I have my son by like the 3rd sometimes 4th day I'm just exhausted and bored outta my mind. He's a little guy and still needs constant guidance and stuff. I couldn't imagine doing this all the time all day everyday, 24/7 , not because it's hard but because it's mundane. I love my kid, but damn. Sometimes I just need a break lol.
> 
> Also, I've always liked to work and have my OWN money. In terms of having money, my profession doesn't allow me and will never allow me to be wealthy, but I do it cause I absolutely love it. Plus, I mean chicks dig firefighters, I was told this long ago. But not till' recently have I seen this "ole' wise tale" come to fruition.
> 
> ...


With respect but that's pretty medieval thinking. It still has truth within it but things have changed - a lot

Things have changed because _it was right for them to do so_. And I do not not hear a globally shattering woman's chorus screaming "no thanks we'd like it back to how it was" 

In the world now the hunter/provider/me kill/you cook/grunt/sigh is something from the lord of the rings 

Are we still neanderthals?

No we developed ourselves richly into a different kind of civilization. Things have changed 
Do I open a door for a 'woman'? Certainly not any more - I open a door for the person behind me be they male kid deformed black white or whatever 

I can cook as good as any woman. I can change a nappy as well as. I'm certainly a lot more patient with kids than many woman I see. Its not because I'm a man or woman in mans clothing it's because I am me a caring modern individual who can as modern man has adapt to most things that life throws at me. Opposite that there are many things that a woman can do as well as / better than a man 

I do believe there is a difference between men and woman that will soon cause big problems. I do believe men have adapted to woman's work better than it would be thought. Maybe that is the physical aspect of our different make ups. I do think that it would have been impossible for woman 40 years ago to think men could adapt to being as gentle sensitive and as caring as any woman can be.

In a sense and with great respect I feel emotionally men are more adaptable to the world as it now evolves. 

I think there will be a time when woman may well want things to be, obviously not as they were, but, certainly not as 'equal' as they claim to want it to be. 

Yes a man should work. So should a woman 

I reckon we are paying for a society that 40 years ago promoted the 'I work - you have babies' syndrome. Trouble is for a lot of woman that works rather well and it presented the belief that they could sit at home making cakes and getting little jonny to school and making dinner. I would put mstbxw in that category . Although she worked 90%part time it's easy to see how she resented that. Why should I have to work at all.!?

I now have zero respect for that because I have done her 'job'. If you keep on top of it, dealing with the house, getting the kids sorted out - being organized about it - is a piece of piss. It's mind numbing as you fill the washing machine for the umpteenth time and hoover the living room but frankly it's hardly hard work - it's drudgery. (If I'm organised about it leaves me time for my own earning work) BUT actually I have a lot of respect for people that can handle drudgery, it does take a particular strength of mind to do it day in and day out.

It's why I find this whole stay at home = little respect so weird, because having done this I have ultimate respect for woman ( or men) that do it - NOT LESS :scratchhead: 

I find it odd that woman can have less respect for a man that has / is doing this than the reverse

I still maintain none of this is in any way connected to how the mind of a cheat works. If you have a mind to do it you will whether your husband runs the bank of england or not


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> political correctness is ruining the world!
> 
> anything with the world political in should tell you something.
> 
> ...


But your questions are not as simple as you say 

burning house is simple - a man can lift you better so yes a man and I survive.

caring for me if injured - I'll take the best nurse or doctor thanks, be they man or woman. Where are woman better 'carers' ? 

It's only in fields where physical strength is a necessity that woman will always fall short imo. In most other aspects there is little divide


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

davecarter said:


> Great post and should be a thread-closer.
> Women who use the 'lack of respect' or 'earning-potential' excuses are just as pitiful as those who have an affair because her husband is working long hours to keep and support the damn family in the first place!!
> 
> Women are so deluded its untrue...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I could like this and Headspin's post a 1000x's, I would.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> A man who does masculine things with masculine skills (not mr mom), can in fact earn less, even much less, and attract a woman. It helps if he's triggering those limbic ques with his V torso physique, but even that is not completely necessary. The key is that traditional male get up and go to work at a manly job. Google "Larry Fortensky." However, SAHD is not a question of "if", it's a question of "when" and "how many."


^This


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Headspin said:


> With respect but that's pretty medieval thinking. It still has truth within it but things have changed - a lot
> 
> Things have changed because _it was right for them to do so_. And I do not not hear a globally shattering woman's chorus screaming "no thanks we'd like it back to how it was"
> 
> ...


Like I said, I have no issues with SAHD's.One of my friends use to be in this situation. But... He got cheated on by his wife a lot. Is jobless situation was a big reason for it I think. 

But.... It's not always the case. 

For me example. Here's me- I was a model when I was in college, I modeled for Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren. I was by all accounts, in physical aspect probably the top 1 or 2 percent of men. I was, still am, 6 foot 1 205 with a 51 inch chest and 34 inch waist. Golden ratio triangle and six pack abs... Yeah, I'm like the poster boy for that. I got a big d!ck too. 

Anyways, the love of my life cheated on me with what I would call the average joe- not very good looking, no six pack, not very hung. pretty average. He's tall but nothing much else. When all my female and her female friends found out who she cheated on me with they were shocked. As my ex is now. 

Bottom line is that cheaters cheat because they want to and are weak. The level of fine a$$ pvssy I got thrown at me when I was married is crazy. I never cheated tho. Why? Cause I love my wife and our family. But more importantly I love my marriage withe my ex, I love that we had each other and thay we got "it'. I love that she fixed me and made me a better man. I love my marriage. But.. .She cheated. So I divorced and broker her. But, I'm broken too. So, I guess it really doesnt' matter. Cheaters cheat cause they want too. And, I should not drink and post on tam


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

TheFlood117 said:


> Like I said, I have no issues with SAHD's.One of my friends use to be in this situation. But... He got cheated on by his wife a lot. Is jobless situation was a big reason for it I think.
> 
> But.... It's not always the case.
> 
> ...


bottoms up flood - cheers!:beer:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Headspin said:


> With respect but that's pretty medieval thinking. It still has truth within it but things have changed - a lot
> 
> Things have changed because _it was right for them to do so_. And I do not not hear a globally shattering woman's chorus screaming "no thanks we'd like it back to how it was"
> 
> ...


Good points, but I think you're looking at this too narrowly. Remember that for most of human history both men and women worked in complementary capacities according to their abilities. Men have always cooked to some degree and women have worked farms and gathered food. What you're seeing right now, as you pointed out, is a shifting of the paradigm set up by men in the early 20th century to keep women home "where they belonged" (thus the ridiculous idea of womens' work), brought on by the necessity of women joining the work force during WWII when so many men were fighting the war. Men still continued to fight this into the 70's and 80's, perpetuating the idea that women should be home. Now that women are in the workforce, men have easily adapted to domestic duties because in fact they've always shared in them, except that little time period during the 20th century. Women, however, are still dealing with the remnants of this social construct but that will change. Real social change takes generations and doesn't always happen at a consistent pace for everyone, so our society will continue to evolve. For the record, I know plenty of women that work and share with their husbands, myself included, and plenty of men that are neanderthals, so please don't bucket men and women into convenient piles. Everyone is different but most will get there eventually. The reason humans have been so successful is because we're so adaptable.
And, people have always cheated, they just didn't break up families over it. Men have always kept mistresses (and where they didn't want to hide it or share said mistress they just decided they could have multiple wives) and biologists estimate that up to 30% of babies born in wedlock historically didn't belong to the husband. It's only with blood and dna testing that you could find this out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> For me example. Here's me- I was a model when I was in college, I modeled for Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren. I was by all accounts, in physical aspect probably the top 1 or 2 percent of men. I was, still am, 6 foot 1 205 with a 51 inch chest and 34 inch waist. Golden ratio triangle and six pack abs... Yeah, I'm like the poster boy for that. I got a big d!ck too.


And a very humble chap to.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> Well, lets put it like this...he gets hit on more when he tells people he is a SAHD than he ever did when he was working.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That came up in some of the articles I found. I also found that sahds and sahms are more likely to cheat than average, I would guess the stay at home dads are trying to prove something.

Biology has a hard time being denied though. Pretending male and female roles are interchangeable though is just that, pretending.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm more disgusted by the outrage over the posts that the ladies were being honest about (which is what the OP called for) than the actual content within them. He wanted a clear picture from a woman, not the disdain from men that it's a double standard.

I think deep down we all know that women prefer their men to work outside the home (for the most part). Let's not let political correctness obscure the truth.

I prefer it that my wife does the cooking and cleaning. Wow...guess I'm a neanderthall, chauvinist!


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I'm more disgusted by the outrage over the posts that the ladies were being honest about (which is what the OP called for) than the actual content within them. He wanted a clear picture from a woman, not the disdain from men that it's a double standard.
> 
> I think deep down we all know that women prefer their men to work outside the home (for the most part). Let's not let political correctness obscure the truth.
> 
> I prefer it that my wife does the cooking and cleaning. Wow...guess I'm a neanderthall, chauvinist!


:iagree:

Thank you for this comment. As a former WS, it takes courage and a very thick skin to be completely honest on TAM. Neither of which I have an abundance of because, believe it or not, despite having been a WS, I am a natural born people pleaser. I try very hard to be, say, and do the things that will please and encourage others around me. But, without complete, uncensored honesty, what is the purpose of an anonymous forum like TAM? I would hope that it would serve as a forum where we all have an opportunity to learn from one another. People will claim to want the truth. But, when the response isn't the "truth" they want to hear, because it has hit too close to home and it is too painful, they simply attack the messenger. 

The WS is not the only party who deludes themselves with "the fog." There is a lot of fog where infidelity is concerned. I listened to the hard truths that I got from TAM. It wasn't easy. At first, I was defensive, defiant, angry and bitter. It was only 2 1/2 weeks past D-Day when I first posted. I did come here looking for help. But, it was a small miracle that I stuck around more than a few days. Like it or not, you have to meet people "where they are," not where you think they should be. That is, if you're interested in being a part of the solution and not adding to their problems.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm full of undesireable qualities that most women would cheat when faced with.

1) I'm overweight.
2) I'm over bearing
3) I'm a little bit lazy
4) Don't help out with the kids enough
5) Don't like doing much on the weekends...

I can go on forever. The cold hard truth is we need to understand what our limitations are so we can learn from them and change them to save or fix our marriages. The ostridge approach doesn't work.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

After I posted Mrs bfree's response and she saw the replies she said she doesn't know how any of us keep posting given all the backlash and criticism many are faced with. She said she had more important things to do with her time...like knitting a sweater out of belly button lint.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

When I work, I always out-earn WS because I have more education so my jobs pay more. I've been in the position of SAHM and he's been in the position of SAHD.

I was fine with WS being a SAHD when our oldest was a baby because it was out of necessity, it made financial sense and I was happy not to have to put our child in daycare. Ideally, one of us would be able to stay home with our kids until kindergarten (though this probably won't be and never was possible).

I didn't lose respect for WS when he stayed home. I didn't lose respect for him when I earned more money because he was contributing money or time in caring for our kid. 

I will say though, that I gained more respect for and attraction to WS (prior to discovering he was a WS) when I was staying home with our son and he was the only one working and "providing" than I had for him when we were both working. There was something sexy about thinking of him going out and "slaying the dragons" while I held down the fort. Still, I find a man that gets down with his kids, wipes the tears, tickle fights, talks to, plays and reads them stories very attractive. So when he was doing "Daddy Daycare" (as we called it), I still saw him as very fvckable. 

There is something sexy about seeing your big man being protective, tender and gentle towards your newborn. That's probably why a lot of "good" dads get hit on. Women might want providers but we also want men that are good nurturers for our children as well.

********************
All that said, WS cheated when I was the stay at home mom. This made me lose tons of respect for him because now I look at him as being weak for not being able to deal with the stress of providing for me and his children when we needed him to do so. Especially since I had been in the position to support him and our child and handled it without getting weak, resentful or cheating. 

While I am happy to work and have and do work even as a SAHM, I guess there is a part of me that wants the security of knowing that I'm with a man that CAN provide and can handle it (even if only hypothetically). I don't have that security and that is what turns me off. 

It's not PC but while I am a strong woman, I want a man that is stronger than me both physically and emotionally. While he is physically stronger, I know the emotional development is certainly lacking.


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## loving1 (Aug 5, 2013)

I'm on the hunt for a well-paid enough job that my husband can quit his job and be a full time dad and student. To be honest I find the idea of being his sugar mama while he wraps up his degree quite appealing.


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

Headspin said:


> I still maintain none of this is in any way connected to how the mind of a cheat works. If you have a mind to do it you will whether your husband runs the bank of england or not


Interesting thread.

My BIL was married in 2000. He was a trader on the AMEX and she was a veterinarian. Thus, both were high earners. She wanted to be a stay at home wife, but he suggested she continue working. When she had their first child, she became a SAHM. Over the next 11 years she they had a total of 3 children and BIL changed jobs a few times. In order to maintain her expected standard of living, he worked more and more hours. 

Punchline – after 11 years, she cheated on him with his neighbor and best friend, because “He wasn’t around, he never paid attention to me or made me feel _spayshul_.”

Aftermath – Attempt at R. Waste of $$ in MC. False R leads to DDay 2. Divorce. Shared custody. BIL gets every other weekend with his beloved children and lives in a financial hole from which he may never recover.

I’m with Mattmatt and Headspin. Cheaters cheat – it’s what they do. They wait for excuses and opportunities, they conceal, but in the end, it’s not about what their spouse does – it’s about their own selfish needs.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> It's not PC but while I am a strong woman, I want a man that is stronger than me both physically and emotionally.


For all practical purposes, that is the natural state of the species.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Vivia Chen: When Stay-at-Home Husbands Are Embarrassing to Their Wives | TIME.com

I just saw this on my Facebook wall, I haven't read it through yet but thought I'd post it here.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Read this one, it's infamous:

Sandra Tsing Loh: Atlantic


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I am amazed by some of the further replies to this thread.

I mean who would have thought that there was so little to do around the house that both partners can happily hold down full time jobs :scratchhead: 

Ok sarcasm off......

My wife and I have spoken about this a lot since I first replied on this thread, and she actually likes the idea of me being at home, not from the point of she would be the sole provider but because she knows that if we had our own place and she carried on paying the bills it would allow me to create my own business where I could work part time doing what I liked and we could have a clean and tidy home and a quality of life that is not achievable in our current jobs, we work too many hours and when there is time there are all the rest of the household chores that need to be done, and again, unless we spend our money employing outside help like with cleaning ladies and painters and decorators we simply don't have that much quality in our lives.

Me becoming SAHP would allow our marriage to grow as we would have more time to enjoy each others company in stead of doing laundry or faffing around attempting some DIY in the home and getting peeved as there is not enough time to do it properly, but also still not fully enough money to bring in a professional either 

Cheating basically comes down to those that want to cheat use what ever reason they want to justify their behavior, all this talk of loosing respect and being in alpha scenarios is great but that shows the lack of partnership, it shows that even though married, these women have already detached from their H and an affair is easier than being honest, if it is a respect thing then there needs to be some communication to actually show dissatisfaction on what ever level, if there is a situation that arises and the working wife feels the need to cheat then it's her moral choice that lets his d!ck in or closes legs shut, her morals may be swayed by her situation at home but if she doesn't communicate her thoughts then how is anything going to change? For some SAHP it can be seen as a meal ticket, jump on the gravy train she is paying, but there is nothing stopping their own ambitions at home, building a fence, fixing up an old car, building a patio and BBQ, redecorating the home and actually showing his wife that he is a man and there home is his castle.

Or am I wrong again?


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Every SAHD situation is different but in a sense it's the same. 

I think for me over the years it was a slow transition to 95% beta because I took over the child care and cooking. I lost the alpha. Before I read MMSG my marriage was horrible because i Iet it get that way. I dealt with sex just once a month and a disrespectful wife in the wrong way. I never rocked the boat. Never stood up for myself. 

She took over the alpha part during those years. 

So I read the books, lost 20 pounds, got back in shape and did all this for ME!!

The disrespect is mostly gone. The sex is back to an average of 8 times a month. 


We made the choice of me staying home because she had more potential to climb the ladder than I. 

I was a supervisor in a tool and die factory. Made good money but was never around for her or kids. We wanted our kids to be cared for by a parent. 

So my advice for SAHD is don't let yourself lose sight of the man you are. It can work for some couples.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Based on yesterday's very "interesting" therapy session, I was to "alpha" in my marriage. I was "emotionally distant" and a, and I love this one, and I quote from my ex, "serial flirt and a tease". I never helped her do the laundry, I didn't change diapers, or clean the bathrooms, blah, blah, blah. Just more blame-shifting shi!t. People cheat cause they want to. Cheaters cheat just because they do.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

confusedhusband1 said:


> Do you think that SAHD are more likely to be cheated on? I would appreciate more of a female point of view on this. Do you think of them as being weaker or less masculine than a man that works full time? Are they more likely to get walked over or shown less respect in your eyes?
> 
> Curious on your thoughts. Thanks.


How can anybody say that a sahd is more likely to be cheated on... I cant see that.

I agree that i love the fact that my husband supports and provides for us, but if things changed for some reason, and he was no longer able to do this and he became a Sahd, then i still would not have the desire to cheat on him.

I took my vows very seriously. I mean how can this mean that they are weak, or less masculine

I certainly would not walk over him, Or show him any less respect that i show him, but then again i never disrespect him anyway.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

wranglerman said:


> I am amazed by some of the further replies to this thread.
> 
> I mean who would have thought that there was so little to do around the house that both partners can happily hold down full time jobs :scratchhead:
> 
> ...


I was the WS in my marriage. I say that not because I want to try to justify it, but because it is, sadly, the truth. Against the odds, my husband and I are reconciling. And, I truly know that I am blessed beyond measure.

The point of my comment, however, is that I don't think anyone would think that a SAHD (husband or dad) who does all of the things, in the home and for the family, that you're suggesting, was too BETA. I doubt anyone would question his manhood. I think there is a huge difference between what you are calling a SAHP and what many may be thinking of as a husband who does not provide for his family, while his wife works as the sole financial provider, then comes home from work only to have to clean the house, cook the dinner, do the laundry and take care of the children. 

Regarding your last question, "Or am I wrong again?", no, I don't think you are.


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## 1812overture (Nov 25, 2013)

For the broader society, there is a growing belief that the increase in SAHDs has shined a spotlight on parenting options. (Not that no SAHMs in the past did this) SAHDs often bring a different perspective on how to raise infants/toddlers/infants. No such thing as too cold, too hot, too wet to go outside. We're going. And not just to the park to play on the jungle gym. You certainly may climb that tree, and yes we will watch the forklift get something from the top shelf at Home Depot. I can see how some marriages may pay a price for a less than common arrangement, and it is sad. But SAHDs have benefited my relationship with my kids, even though I leave to go to work five days a week.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I wont comment on the initial question as you are looking for female perspective...
As a man I will say I would NEVER be a SAHD...for reasons mentioned already...my wife still cheated, WITH HER BOSS...our daughter was in day care, now in pre school, and next year kindergarten...even if we could have afforded one income, we both felt the socialization she got in day care was benificial...not to mention she went into preschool SO far ahead of other kids who had never been to daycare...

I personally could never depend on someone else to bring home the $$, I HAVE to contribute, have my OWN $$...


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I might add...if you ARE a stay at home dad, take night classes or SOMETHING so that you are still employable at a later date

get a degree, an advanced degree, keep up with training or new methods in your current career...dont just totally give up on a career...imo

When I was single, I SWORE I would not marry a woman who didnt have a decent career...marriage, you both eat, sleep, have hobbies, live in the house, need clothes, NO reason why you both cant work and both bring in income

I will be single again soo, and again I would not even consider marrying a woman who did not have a career or a decent income...THIS time I will also need credit reports/scores to make sure she doesnt have debt rivaled ONLY by the USA national debt...


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