# body image and sex drive



## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

This question is for the women, but if the men have input regarding knowledge they have on this topic, that be great.

To what extent would you relate the way one feels about their body to sex drive?

My wife has a low sex drive to what I'd believe to be a lack of esteem in regards to the way she feels she looks. Now, I am very complimentory and she is very attractive. Obviously her body doesn't look how it did when we first met. We have a couple kids and near 10 years since we started having a sexual relationship, but she is holding up well IMO. She only feels she needs to lose about 15 pounds. She is tall, so the weight isn't all that noticable when she gains some here and there.

We have sex 1-2 times a month and I can't remember the last time she has initiated it. The last time I made a move, she rolled her eyes and said something about not looking sexy. I about told her to forget about it, but I really wanted to. The whole feeling sexy comment comes up frequently when I am feeling frisky or making a move.

Every other aspect of our marriage is great. We get along really well, she wants to be around me, is fairly affectionate (this has changed from earlier in our relationship as I am thinking she isn't wanting to put out mixed signals). Basically what I am saying is that every indication is that she adores me, but is lacking a sex drive due to low self esteem about her body.

I realize there is a varying degree of confidence. Example: I have seen plenty of overwieght women who seemingly have no issues with their appearance.

I would assume this isn't uncommon, but I was hoping for feedback from those who have experienced similar issues or have advice to offer.

Thanks


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think that attitude, whether it relates to body image or not, can play a very important part in a person's desire for sex. All you have to do is google your title and you can find any number of articles and studies that have been done that show the link between the two.

Dr. Terri Orbuch: Low Sex Drive? A Possible Reason

I often think that it is somewhat ironic that all of the seemingly mind-numbing sexual images we get bombarded with daily can stimulate the male yet at the same time have the completely opposite affect on a female. Too bad we can't all live on private islands without all of the 'static' getting in the way. But, since we can't, we have to learn how to deal with it.

And that's where, in order for this to get better for your wife, SHE has to be the one that desires to change her attitude and put in the work to do so. You can affirm to her all you want, but until she can really start to believe that she is beautiful, and affirm that in her own mind on a continuous basis, she will continue to fight this all too common battle.

Best wishes.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I certainly felt a lot sexier when I weighed less. I also feel a lot sexier when my husband tells me I am not fat and that he thinks I am sexy. I still wish I weighed less, but the reality is that I'm almost 50 and the pounds just don't come off as easily as they used to. Plus I like beer too much. 

It's sad that women feel this way, but it's pretty unavoidable when we're bombarded with the media we are, and so are our husbands.


----------

