# Long Distance Relationships



## trick-r-treat (Jul 3, 2007)

I am in a long-distance relationship and find it very challenging at time. I guess it is harder, because when you have a disagreement, you are not around each other to kiss and hug and make up. It is easy to slam down the phone and just not answer it when you're mad. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep it alive? We have at least another year and a half before we can actually be together.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

trick-r-treat said:


> I am in a long-distance relationship and find it very challenging at time. I guess it is harder, because when you have a disagreement, you are not around each other to kiss and hug and make up. It is easy to slam down the phone and just not answer it when you're mad. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep it alive? We have at least another year and a half before we can actually be together.



Learn how to communicate better. Avoid arguing, instead agree to disagree. Never lose your temper, ask for some time to think about things that will explode.

How far apart are you, how often do you see one another?

draconis


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## Twineball (Nov 27, 2007)

draconis said:


> Learn how to communicate better. Avoid arguing, instead agree to disagree. Never lose your temper, ask for some time to think about things that will explode.


No offense, but this is kind of a fairy tale answer. In matters like this it's almost impossible to just turn a corner and change the way you perceive things.

When my wife and I were dating, she spent four months studying abroad. We spoke on the phone every day (it took me a year to pay off the bill!). We did have some arguments, but in the end we were both mature about it and gave one another some time to cool down before approaching the subject again, if it was even worth returning to.

You're right, it's torture not being able to have a phsyical reassurance. I've never been apart from her for as long as you've stated, so this issue may be out of my league, but what it came down to for us was knowing that no matter how long it was, no matter was said, we loved each other and were committed to one another and planned to see one another when she returned.

I guess long distance relationships run on different dynamics than normal relationships. The sooner we figured that out, the sooner we were able to work with what we were given.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Twineball ~ With all respect, it only seems impossible if you yourself can not do something. If you are dedicated to something it is very easy to achieve.

draconis


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## milkyway (Dec 15, 2007)

trick-r-treat,

i myself have done long-distance relationships and i gotta say from my own experiences, unfortunately it wouldnt work. well at least mine didnt. 

we couldnt handle being for away and missing each other all the time. i remember sitting alone in my room crying my eyes out every single nite thinking of him and wishing he was here. 
but as time went by, intense feelings we used to have for each other started diminishing and yeah... *sigh

if theres any advice i could give you... it is to have effective communication and make each other available to talk. its a must! 

good luck!


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## Twineball (Nov 27, 2007)

milkyway said:


> if theres any advice i could give you... it is to have effective communication and make each other available to talk. its a must!


I think this is definitely the key.
My first distance relationship fell apart because of lack of communication. However, in my most recent distance relationship, we did not have one day without contact. That was almost three years ago and now we're married. Communication is the most important part.


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## Twineball (Nov 27, 2007)

ALSO, We found that it also let us know that our relationship was based on one another as a person not based on the physical. We loved each other even more after we were forced to just talk for four months without the distraction of our physical attraction. And after all that, when we finally got together physcially again, it was unbelievably amazing.


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I think that long distance relationships though harder can be done. I really think that you need to maybe like the above poster stated learn a better way to communicate especially if you find your hanging up on each other quite a bit. 
Do you two get to visit each other at all and if so is there any way to maybe increase the visits? Good luck to you.


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## riskey58 (Oct 30, 2007)

I think a long distance relationship is really hard. And you have to be a very special person to handle everything. There are so many more problems, and I feel being able too talk things over and have a lot of give and take will help.


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

LDRs do not work for me and my husband. He was away last summer and the previous summer and the strain on our marriage almost ruined it. But I take the blame for that, my own insecurities made the situation worse and the fear of talking to him about them made a bad situation worse. Communication is definitely key to LDRs. You need to feel comfortable and open enough to be able to talk about the separation. If you are committed to one another you two will find a way to discuss things.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

debrajean ~ You are so right in that communication is the key, not only in all relationships but in LDR it is very important.

draconis


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## miss.kitty (Oct 30, 2007)

trick-r-treat said:


> I am in a long-distance relationship and find it very challenging at time. I guess it is harder, because when you have a disagreement, you are not around each other to kiss and hug and make up. It is easy to slam down the phone and just not answer it when you're mad. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep it alive? We have at least another year and a half before we can actually be together.


They are really hard, but they do work. My husband & I met online, so the first year of our relationship was on the phone (even though we had met in person two times). I remember it being so very hard. We talked on the phone at least once a day, even if it was only for a few minutes. I think it's important to still go out and spend time with friends on a few nights too tho. You don't _have_ to stay at home every night and talk to your loved one. 

I think it helps with all the frustration of the LDR. 

It's hard when you argue, especially if you are both stubborn, like my husband and I are. Maybe you both could come to an agreement that you both promise not to slam the phone down and not to not answer it, but instead after an argument if you really do not want to talk you tell the other "I really need some time to calm down, I'll call you when I feel better." And the other person will promise not to push it and let the person go & calm down.


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

miss.kitty said:


> They are really hard, but they do work. My husband & I met online, so the first year of our relationship was on the phone (even though we had met in person two times). I remember it being so very hard. We talked on the phone at least once a day, even if it was only for a few minutes. I think it's important to still go out and spend time with friends on a few nights too tho. You don't _have_ to stay at home every night and talk to your loved one.
> 
> I think it helps with all the frustration of the LDR.
> 
> It's hard when you argue, especially if you are both stubborn, like my husband and I are. Maybe you both could come to an agreement that you both promise not to slam the phone down and not to not answer it, but instead after an argument if you really do not want to talk you tell the other "I really need some time to calm down, I'll call you when I feel better." And the other person will promise not to push it and let the person go & calm down.


Your advice about not hanging up during a heated argument is good and then being upfront enough to say, "let me calm down, b4 we talk some more," is a must. Too many other things can be said in the heat of an argument that is just too hard to unsay.


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## ammulu (Dec 27, 2007)

I was in a long distance relationship. It was really hard but we communicated with each other everyday. It was a 4 year long wait and finally the day had come when we really wished to get married and now about to have a kid. Many of my friends and his friends didn't know the depth of our relation and always asked us to check out someone who is in the same place and just forget each other and live a totally different life. But we knew there was a bond that was strong enough to be broken. There wasn't a single day where in we felt like leaving each other. Every year he came to visit me once for a week and that moments were really cherishable. I am happy we are together now.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ammulu said:


> I was in a long distance relationship. It was really hard but we communicated with each other everyday. It was a 4 year long wait and finally the day had come when we really wished to get married and now about to have a kid. Many of my friends and his friends didn't know the depth of our relation and always asked us to check out someone who is in the same place and just forget each other and live a totally different life. But we knew there was a bond that was strong enough to be broken. There wasn't a single day where in we felt like leaving each other. Every year he came to visit me once for a week and that moments were really cherishable. I am happy we are together now.


That is a really sweet story, thank you for sharing it with us. It goes to prove that love can overcome and LDR can work.

draconis


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