# Is this still salvagable? I really wish it would be.



## Vizjerie (Nov 24, 2010)

Please bare with me if this ends up being long. I really appreciate your help.

I've been with this girl for a year now, and we've been living together for that entire year. It wasn't intentional, neither of us asked, we just liked being around each other so much and spending day and night together for the first 3 months because there was no school for her, or work for me that she just stayed for good.

Now, how we started dating was that I knew her for over 4 years back at the end of high school, we were just friends if barely. Then a year ago I was on my computer one night with nothing to do, went on an old msn account that I havent visited in ages, saw her online, said hi and within an hour we met up at a sushi bar and had some drinks and food. THAT night, we pretty much fell for each other. And the 2 weeks after that were us hanging out all the time, till late 3, 4 am at coffee shops and at her house, but i constantly pulled away just before we went any further than making out because she had a bf who was in an other country. 2 more weeks after that, she broke up with him to be with me. Now a big part of the break up was also because he was a bit of a creepy stalking kind. That would check her emails, msn, facebook and so on for msgs with other guys.

Ever since then though, we were inseparable. Then suddenly, 3 months or so ago we had our first actual argument. Then an other one 3 weeks later, and an other a week later, and an other and so on. Until about 3 weeks ago we were having small bitter bickers several times a day and a big one every week almost. At the same time, she had met this guy at her University who i didnt think much of at first. But seemingly almost as soon as we started fighting more and more, they started spending more and more time together. To the point where they would go to a coffee shop (to study she would tell me, and I believe her at first) until 3 or 4 in the morning. And he would pick her up, and drop her off every other day to school. That, pretty easy to figure out is not something an average friend would do. Her best friends wont even do that for her. I talked to her about it several times and she kept telling me it was nothing, just a friend.

4 days ago, we were laying in bed talking and joking. Then she suddenly seem very quiet and sad. So i asked her whats up, and she said to me "Would we still be friends if we broke up?" The conversation that followed is pretty obvious, but basically by the end of the night, she had told me that she was unhappy, and I had told her that I love her just as much as day 1 if not more, and that I am willing to work on the relationship. But the choice is also hers, not for me to dictate. And she chose to break up with me. By the end of the next day, she had packed all her stuff and that guy had came to pick her up, with all her stuff and left.

Me and her had discussed about what she felt that night, and we kind of narrowed it down to that she still loves me, but she doenst like me anymore. That the freshness of the relationship had worn and the good she sees in me has become daily and the flaws outstanding and irritating. But over the last few days since shes left, I've thought about everything we talked about for a long time and after some sobbing of my own, I realize that she really is the one for me. Because there isnt anything about her that I dont love, even her flaws, I like her as a whole. Everything about her. Now, her friends did mention that she tends to like to go into a self depression mode sometimes when she feels she needs space, and she blames everything else and sabotages all that she has. But, neither her friends nor me has any idea if that guy has become what I was for her a year ago. Because she hasnt spoken to any of her best friends since we broke up, i know this because her friends are my friends too. Except for that guy, who earlier today drove her to my house to pick up some things of hers that were left behind.

So, have I already been replaced? Is this salvageable? What do I do? I really, really love her...


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Sounds to me like she's a butterfly.
She left her boyfriend for you because you were new, fresh, and exciting.
She left you for the other dude because he was fresh, new, and exciting.
She'll probably stay with him for a year or so...
Find out how long she was with her last boyfriend. I'd guess about a year...


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## Geronimo (Oct 15, 2010)

Hey man... sorry about the things you are dealing with. It's rough for sure. My advice to you is just let it be. If she comes back to you then you have something to work with. If not, then it's time to move on. Whenever someone says "Would we still be friends if..." That should be an automatic red flag. 

I know what you're going through man, I've got a post on here in the going through divorce section. It's rough, but we can always get through it. If you need or want someone to talk to, feel free to email me.

Good luck.


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## Vizjerie (Nov 24, 2010)

I guess so... no im not blind to the pattern but i suppose i always thought i could do and indeed did do better than her last guy. For that year we lived kings and queens. even her family and friends have told me theyve never seen her so happy before. And nor have i been so happy. but i guess ultimately everyone has a plan of their own.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I wouldn't hold out much hope. And even if she did come back, would you really ever be as happy, knowing how easily she left you once, and that she could do so again, just as easily? I certainly wouldn't be happy with that. 

As hard as it is to accept it, you need to grieve over the break up and then move on with your life. I'm sorry.


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