# Have you considered Divorce Mediation...



## Becc (Feb 20, 2011)

Divorce Mediation: A More Spiritual Approach to Divorce
Written by: Rebecca Nelson, LMFT

Making a decision to end a marriage is one of the most difficult and stressful decisions anyone can make in their lifetime. Entering a Divorce Mediation Process as an alternative to the traditional divorce litigation process can help to ease the stress of this difficult life event. The notion of mental health professionals facilitating Divorce Mediation adds a humanistic balance to this already difficult process. Taking this appreciation one step further, processing a divorce with the services of a mental health professional may also unravel a spiritual component (if done correctly) thus making this difficult process more spiritual with a less destructive emotional outcome.
Divorce mediation services are growing in popularity as a more equitable, less adversarial and lower cost alternative to the traditional litigated divorce process. Many put off the process, choosing to live as “separated” for a long period of time or, worse, stay together for the “sake of the children” but being miserable inside. Despite the chosen path to divorce, the resolution remains one of the more anxiety provoking events anyone can go through. The Life Events Scale (also known as the Holmes & Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale, 1967) ranks 43 life events that can contribute to illness. Life events are ranked in order from the most stressful (death of spouse) to the least stressful (minor violations of the law). Divorce and Marital Separation are the second and third most stressful situations listed on this scale. Clearly this is a situation provoking anger, resentment, depression, and anxiety, threatening one’s physical, mental and spiritual health. 
Mental health professionals are constantly bombarded with the notion of spirituality. A young or new therapist may not fully understand its importance in the world of mental and physical health. A number of studies have found that a sense of spiritual health is so important to one’s overall health that most insurance companies require that one’s notion of spirituality be assessed at the time of intake. Even many seasoned clinicians will answer this section of their client’s intake by noting whether or not their client attends church. One’s religious practices can be a large piece of their spirituality. However, this is not necessarily all that this entails. According to Wikipedia.org “spirituality can refer to an ultimate or immaterial reality; an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live. Spiritual practices are intended to develop an individual's inner life; such practices often lead to an experience of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm. Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.”
Considering the process of divorce mediation, or more specifically as conducted by a mental health professional, can it be considered a more spiritual (and therefore more healthy) alternative to traditional litigated divorces? In litigated divorces processes, the spouses are generally told not to have any direct communication with one another because the lawyers are paid to represent their party. In a mediated process, the parties are encouraged to communicate with one another with the aid of the mediator to ascertain a fair and equitable resolution. Spouses do not have to like one another, but they must be able to conduct themselves civilly. Additionally, if one attorney is stronger than another on opposed side, this could give the stronger party somewhat of an edge, thus creating an imbalanced process. Thirdly, in a traditional divorce final decisions are reached with the recommendations of lawyers but with a final determination by the presiding judge. The mediation process leaves the spouses in charge of these major life decisions, thereby giving the locus of control to the couple. 
Mental health professionals are trained to be empathetic and compassionate listeners and ultimately to help their clients find and rely on their strengths to improve and fulfill their lives. It is therefore the job of the mental health professional to help clients find their inner path that ultimately helps them uncover their deepest values and how to best apply them to their own life. The process of a divorce is far from spiritual in itself. Clearly the notion of coming to a mutual and equitable agreement in a non-confrontational setting with the aid of a licensed mental health professional offers a more spiritual resolution. It would seem to be the more nourishing means to an end that would encourage improved spiritual, mental and physical health over a traditional litigated divorce process.


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## Talias (Dec 22, 2010)

Going through mediation in 8 hours. So keyed up I can't sleep. I am so hopeful that it is everything I've read. If anyone has gone this route, how did it go for you? Wish me (us) luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Wall of text! My eyes! :slap:


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