# Having a hard time coping with not having more children.



## adagirl

My husband and I have two children, 5 girl & 2 boy. When we were dating we would talk about family and I have always told him that I wanted 4 kids. He never gave me any doubt that it was a problem with him. We were very young when our daughter was born, and after having her we planned out our second child. During that pregnancy I never thought it was going to be my last. It wasn't until after our son was born that he said he didn't want anymore. We did not know what we were having with him, so I feel that it was a waiting game to see if he was going to be having a boy before saying anything. 
My son is two and a half now, and I have been talking to my husband for roughly 10 months about another child. He goes back and forth at times. He is active military and was away from us for six months, when he was with us again he said he wanted another, but quickly went back to not wanting another.
I am in such pain to think that I will never have more children. I cry almost every night as I lay next to him in bed. I am angry with him and feel that I am starting to resent him for this. I don't want to be this way. I want to respect his wishes and come to terms with not having anymore children, but I am so worried that the way I feel now is just going to keep growing. 
I started a family young and I want to finish young. I have set myself on a clock and will not have anymore children after I am 30. Maybe this plays a part in how I feel too. I love my husband, but I am so worried that this issue may destroy us. Even if we were to have more children, I fear he would grow to resent me. And I am already starting to feel like I resent him. 
I try to get him to talk about this, but he doesn't ever say anything other than, "I just don't want anymore." and "I feel guilty for my reasons." I told him I need to talk about it, I need to be angry, and allow myself to go through the emotions, and I want him to as well. I am just so lost, I don't want to have bad feeling towards him, but right now I do.


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## lamaga

You need to pursue some individual counseling.


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## accept

You dont tell us the reason why he doesnt want more.
Otherwise is everything ok between you.


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## Jellybeans

You should be happy to be blessed with 2 children. Some people are not able to have children at all.


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## accept

Jellybeans said:


> You should be happy to be blessed with 2 children. Some people are not able to have children at all.


That is not an answer for someone who wants more and is able to have them. Almost similar to saying to someone with one hand some people have none.


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## lamaga

It's a fine answer.
It's nicer than what I would have said.


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## adagirl

lamaga said:


> It's a fine answer.
> It's nicer than what I would have said.


I am sorry but I feel this answer is rather distasteful. 

I am not ungrateful for the two children that I currently have. I thank God for them everyday. In no is my wanting more children, suppose to offend or disrespect those who cannot. I felt that this was a community for support rather than judgement. Lamaga, if you feel this is not a topic that you can provide support then why would you respond, rather than just move on.

My husband and I, in all other ways are okay. I have talked with him about other ways of having more children as well. Such as adoption. It is not that I want a "baby". If we ever were to adopt, I told him I would hope we would find an older child that need a loving home. 

His reasons are not strong in my mind, It is like he just doesn't want to have to "buy all the baby things again" or "buy a van". He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy. He says there are more reasons, but never gives them to me.


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## sweetpea

I can relate to you wanting more children. I had always wanted three kids, but my husband didn't want anymore after two. We had two kids close together and my husband was worried about our fiances. I was angry and resentful of him not wanting more children. I went to counseling because my anger hurting my marriage

I never found it helpful when friends or family told me that I should be happy to be blessed with two children. They were right but it doesn't make you feel any better. I had always imagined my life with three children and I had to grieve the loss of my dream.


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## adagirl

Sweetpea, Thank you for that response. I do plan to go to counseling. We just moved to a new location and I am going to the doctor in a week, but I have to get a referral from him before I can see one. I do hope that this will help I am just worried that it will not. I always saw my future with four children, and to me I am grieving the thought of not having them just as I would grieve for other things. 

Did your counseling help? I am proud of my husband for standing strong even when he sees how much this hurts me. But I still can't restrain the anger I feel.


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## YellowRoses

Maybe you need to adjust your clock - its a very precise dream you have, 4 children before 30 with a clock ticking

Take some of the pressure off yourself and have a proper talk about the future with your husband.


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## adagirl

I am only 23. Two more before I hit 30 is not unrealistic.


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## lamaga

Ada, you are 23 and you have 2 children. What have you done about your post-secondary education? Any college? Any vocational training? What will you do if your husband leaves you next week, or dies next year? How will you support yourself?

How will you and your husband send two children to college, much less four? How will you pay for their piano lessons and their math tutors and their sports uniforms?

What have the demands of child care done to your sexual life? Do you give your husband the attention he needs, or does it all go to your children? Could that be why he is reluctant to have even more babies around?

What is missing in yourself that would be fulfilled with two more children? Not one, not three, two more. TWO. Is this a real need, or is this some girlish dream that you are trying to fulfill?

These are questions that a counselor would ask.

And you are being very unrealistic, in my opinion.


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## YellowRoses

Of course not but a longer timeframe might appeal to your husband more

You're young and he hasn't said absolutely no, he wavers - he might just not be as ready as you are right now

You need to get into his reasons and thinking and your own a lot more than you seem to have done so far.


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## LovesHerMan

He may be worried about finances, and about losing your attention if you bury yourself in motherhood. If money is the issue, let him know how budget conscious you are.

Would you be willing to compromise with 3 children? Keep talking to him about this, and be patient with him. Let him know that you want this important decision to be agreeable to both of you. Make sure that you address his concerns, and do not pressure him with angry, emotional arguments that will make him feel trapped.


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## adagirl

Lamaga, As I have been going through other threads, I see your hard and closed demeanor. Of what I have read I find none of your responses useful or helpful, but only as a way to attack others. What is lacking in your life to treat others as such, Are you that much better than most?

The questions you stated, are in fact not your business, and if a counselor would ask them, it would not be an issue to respond. But to ease my distaste for you. My husband gets attention from me, it is not all given to the children. My children are WELL taken care of. Both my husband and I have college degrees. Why would you even assume that due to my AGE, we are not able to care for our children, and their needs and desires. Being a Military Wife, my career life is that of an army wife, I work only because I want to, in no way do I need to. Our ability to provide for our children is no issue, nor is any of your concern. 

I am asking for advice from others who may have been in the same issue, or from someone that, again I say, would be able to offer support. I do not need to be attacked. 

Please keep to your own, if you have nothing worth wild to say.


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## adagirl

I am willing to compromise, and I can look to broadening my time frame. Finance is not something that is bother some, As we have more than enough to have another child. It is just a "reason" he uses. We have gone through "the books" so to say, and know we can afford another child with no financial strain. 

As Yellow Roses said, I do just need to give him time, a hard issue for that is that I have issues being on Birth Control. It has been harmful to me in ways. This is why this is a big topic to us at the moment, because if we decided no more children, which is the decisions, then a permanent method must be done. I just want to know how to cope with no more. And as for adoption or even fostering, my husband said absolutely not.


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## accept

So it is a reason he uses. I cant see this going away.


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## Lyris

Youre 23. You have plenty of time, even if you do want to have two more before you're 30.

I'd leave it alone for two years, and then revisit. You could look into natural fertility management if birth control is difficult.

FWIW, I'm in your situation, except I'm 39. I have always wanted three children, and would really love four, but my husband is done at two. It's taken a while but I am coming to terms with it. I've decided I would rather have two children and a happy marriage than push for more and risk our relationship. And actually, as my girls get older I am really seeing the benefits of a two-child family. For me, my husband and my daughters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

adagirl said:


> His reasons are not strong in my mind, It is like he just doesn't want to have to "buy all the baby things again" or "buy a van". He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy. He says there are more reasons, but never gives them to me.


I assume that he has not said the things that you quote.. but instead are speaking about your impression of what he is thinking.

He gave you a reason. “He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy. “ He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy.”

You discount what he is saying. If you discount that, I can see why he would not want to give you more reasons. 

The one reason he gave you is a very real reason. It’s something that a lot of service members worry about. Don’t forget that while he’s away, his heart is breaking for the time he is missing with his children. He might feel that he’s not able to give his children what he wants to give them. And when he’s away he also cannot help you and give you the support you need. So he does not want to add to this pain. I don’t know if this is what he is feeling, but I do know that it’s a common feeling among service members.

If you want him to give your feelings credit about this, then you have to give his feelings credit as well.


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## daisygirl 41

OP
I know how you feel. I had 2 children by the time I was 25 and always knew I wanted another. I then had my daughter when I was 31. My H then had the snip As we both knew that financially another child would cripple us. I am 42 now and we STILL talk about what it would be like to have another! We are both really maternal.
Anyway I think some posters have been unfair to you as your H never actually said to you before you were married that having more children was out of the question. 
What I would say to you is, as you are still young and have many child bearing years ahead of you, enjoy your two little ones for now. Put all your energy into them and SHOW your H that maybe having another in a few years time isn't going to have a negative impact on your lives. 
I've got say waiting a while until we had our third was a good decision for us. I was more relaxed and enjoyed being a mum more at 30 than I did at 22.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl

It's funny how when a spouse backs out on having children period, people are all supportive and say they misrepresented themselves and their spouse has a right to end marriage, but when a spouse backs out on having MORE children, the upset spouse is told to 'get over it' and be happy with what they have.
I know people have a right to change their mind but it needs more of a discussion and a compromise.
If you knew off the top that he wanted only two kids, would you still have married him?
I know for a large part having large families is 'unpopular', but that doesn't make the loss of someone's dream any less heartbreaking to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

golfergirl said:


> It's funny how when a spouse backs out on having children period, people are all supportive and say they misrepresented themselves and their spouse has a right to end marriage, but when a spouse backs out on having MORE children, the upset spouse is told to 'get over it' and be happy with what they have.
> I know people have a right to change their mind but it needs more of a discussion and a compromise.
> If you knew off the top that he wanted only two kids, would you still have married him?
> I know for a large part having large families is 'unpopular', but that doesn't make the loss of someone's dream any less heartbreaking to them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that you are missing the point. It's that both parents need to be on board with bringing more children into their home. 

If the OP were not married to him, and he said that he did not want children.. then she should go find a guy who wants 4 children.

But there is a family now with 2 children. Her feelings/needs are equally as important as his. If he feels that he is not up to having another child, then he's feelings need to be respected. Her feelings need to be respected as well. 

But now with 2 chilren the important issue becomes perserving the family and thus the parents' relationship to ensure that the 2 children are raised in an intact household.

It would not be fair to a baby either to be born while there is such conflict between the parents. The child would carry the discord. It would be very think in the air.


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## deejov

There are non-hormonal methods of birth control, IUD's give you years of control, and they can be removed if you change your mind.

I agree with giving this two years or more.
Use the time to enjoy your little ones now.

Putting an age gap between them can have many benefits.
You are able to spend more time with them, especially if your H deploys, and they would be "older" if you choose to have more and it makes things easier to handle #3 or #4.

Relax, enjoy what you have now, use the time to build a future. In a few years, things may change. Who knows what will happen? Nobody does. It's good to have dreams and plans, sometimes they get delayed or changed. Ask him about waiting for a few years, and re-thinking the issue then.


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## golfergirl

EleGirl said:


> I think that you are missing the point. It's that both parents need to be on board with bringing more children into their home.
> 
> If the OP were not married to him, and he said that he did not want children.. then she should go find a guy who wants 4 children.
> 
> But there is a family now with 2 children. Her feelings/needs are equally as important as his. If he feels that he is not up to having another child, then he's feelings need to be respected. Her feelings need to be respected as well.
> 
> But now with 2 chilren the important issue becomes perserving the family and thus the parents' relationship to ensure that the 2 children are raised in an intact household.
> 
> It would not be fair to a baby either to be born while there is such conflict between the parents. The child would carry the discord. It would be very think in the air.


I guess I just see this as a lose/lose. Either the husband puts aside his wishes and gives up his dream or the wife does the same. One of them loses. Telling OP suck it up, you have 2 kids already causes as much resentment for her as having more kids does with him. The 2 kids that are there aren't being raised in a happy family, the mom is heartbroken and resentful. This just makes me sad as there is no fix. Telling her to be grateful for what's there has same result as plopping 2 more kids and telling dad to suck it up.
I've always felt that if money is not an issue, and parents are handling the children they have as far as time and attention, the primary child care parent has stronger say on how many kids. Strong feelings opposed, have a strong pull for the 'other' side, but wishy washy doesn't cut it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

This should of been discussed prior to marriage. If he agreed to 4 and changed his mind, well, that is just plain wrong!

I regret not having another child. I love children, but then again I must think about their future and the ability of them making it on their own. It's very difficult now to maintain a home or even a job in today's society. The economy sucks and it will only be worse for our children. I physically can not raise another baby, so hubby had the big V procedure. My husband just got a very nice promotion and the extra money we have will go into the bank for our 3 children. We live very frugally. Once we are gone or if our children are in a finical disaster, we'd like to have a backup plan for them. My oldest is joining the Guard in a few weeks and she will go into law enforcement, so she should be set for life. She is very motivated and determined. I admire her boldness, yet she's very respectful. I can imagine my other two following her ambition, but they are quite young yet.

I do agree that you should count your blessings on 2, but I do understand your wanting more. Although, I'm a little different and I worry about our 3 girls future and making it on their own or with a husband. Making ends meet is difficult now. We are only on one income since I'm disabled and housebound.


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## Jellybeans

accept said:


> That is not an answer for someone who wants more and is able to have them. Almost similar to saying to someone with one hand some people have none.



It's my answer. And I'd hardly compare this to someone who doesn't have a hand.


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## Mrs.K

You are still young. I would drop the issue for now because it is something that could change for him in a couple years even. I know the stress of having small children semi close in age and it can be overwhelming to think about having more!!

Our plan was to always have three children. After our second I felt pretty content. My husband still wanted more but had he pushed the issue and brought it up to me frequently I think it would have made me feel even more against it because I would have been pressured.

Then our second born passed away at just a couple months old. I stood firm in no more children, because I could have never taken another heartache but I DID change my mind not even a year later I was pregnant with #3 and two years later I gave birth to #4.

I know you say that finances are not an issue and when my kids were babies I would say the same thing but MAN do they get expensive as they age!! With all the sports and extra activities.

Plus with finances you never know when something can change.. Until 2010 I had such a comfortable life as a SAHM. Always had money to go out and do stuff while H was at work, weekend getaways with the kids then my H got laid off from his long time job and had to take a pay cut to just get a job after being unemployed for 6 months.

Had I not had savings we would have been royally screwed when he got let go, even WITH some savings living off unemployment with 2 kids and one on the way (born about 2 months AFTER lay off) was pure hell.

I went from multiple shopping trips a week just for fun to being reduced to tears when we ran out of milk and I knew I had to buy more.

I know that at 23 (and no this is NOT a jab at your age) it is easy to think you know exactly what the future holds but sometimes life hands you things that you are in no way prepared for, that is why sometimes a decision like adding more children to a family need to be tabled for a while until both of you can come to a decision on what will be best for your family long term.


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## catloverd

Okay, first of all people change and they change their minds. Maybe he was okay with four but after having two, he realizes that maybe that's too much of handful for him? Whoever says it's not fair for him to change his mind, doesn't know marriage. People change and you have to accept that. You're 23, you have two kids, if you want 4 before you're 30, you don't have to worry about it again until you're 28! That's 5 years! Enjoy the kids you have now and bring it up again in a year or two, he might change his mind over time. 

Also you're marriage is more important than your kids. If he won't give you reasons, you need to make him. You need him to talk to you and you need to compromise. Ask him why and promise you won't bring it up again for another year. Give him some peace. Nagging makes things worse. 

As for birth control, don't use it if it messes with your body. Use condoms instead.


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## specwar

I am ex-military (17) years. Although the military thing doesn't play into this problem much as many couples struggle with this problem at one time or another.

You are correct. If you don't let it go it will destroy your relationship is the short answer. Most problems like this are all about perspective.

So you have children now and you cry every night because you can't have more...

So what is the magic number of children that you would not cry every night? Or do you want to have kids becasue you can?

It is perfectly reasonable for you to want both of you to sit and talk about your reasons for/against having more children (at length) until both of you feel like you have been heard. Without sugar coating your responses. It is also ok to state what you perceive are his issues with it and have him respond (at length). But you should have specific events to back your assumptions. If you don't then you need to own the problem with your perception.

You are right in that if you keep beating him over the head with it you will have long term problems with your relationship. Nobody wants that. You need to sit and talk about your each others goals for the family and how having more kids gets you there. Don't drag it out though. You need to sit and have a long discussion about it and then compromise together. Then you have to let it go and move on to making the other parts of your family's life better each day.

Good luck


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## momtwo4

I have four kids seven years and under. I am 32, and had my first baby at 25 and my fourth at 31. I can understand your desire to have a large family. However, it's not always easy--that is for sure. I feel like I am organizing a long-distance trip just to go to the store with my four. It seems like someone is always upset or sick or fighting or something. It also puts a lot of stress on my husband. I obviously can't work a lot with four little kids. He makes decent money, but we have a lot of educations to plan for! It is a LOT of work and chaos, but I wouldn't change it for anything. 

So...I understand the desire to have more children, but I do think you should try to be patient. So many people have children into their thirties, and you are not even halfway there yet. I got pregnant with my fourth after having unprotected s*x one time at 30. Now that I have four so close together, I sometimes wish that I would have spaced them out a bit more. It can be hard to give each child the individual attention that they deserve when they are close in age. 

I would try to let it go for a while. As your children get older, your husband might very well change his mind and at least compromise with you. In a few years, he might be willing to consider a third (even if he never agrees to a fourth). He has not done anything permanent, and you do have time. Try not to let your longing for another baby distract from the beautiful children that you do have. I know it's hard, but remember that you are 23, not 33. You do not want to end up with a resentful husband who only reluctantly helps out with the kids. Trust me on this--parenting four kids takes two willing partners! I hope you can find peace on this issue.


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## momtwo4

I also wanted to add that you should NOT do something permanent unless BOTH of you are 100% done having kids. Find something reliable that will work for you. Sterilization is such a final decision even when you are certain your family is complete. There are many less drastic options.


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## FirstYearDown

lamaga said:


> Ada, you are 23 and you have 2 children. What have you done about your post-secondary education? Any college? Any vocational training? What will you do if your husband leaves you next week, or dies next year? How will you support yourself? These are all very good questions which I agree with. However, some women are so focused on having children that they do not persue any other goals outside of being a mother. I don't understand that mindset, but I do accept that some women just do not have educational ambitions.
> 
> How will you and your husband send two children to college, much less four? How will you pay for their piano lessons and their math tutors and their sports uniforms? Again, all very good questions. I think that when some women want to have children, they do not properly ponder the decision. They just assume that everything will work itself out.
> 
> What have the demands of child care done to your sexual life? Do you give your husband the attention he needs, or does it all go to your children? Could that be why he is reluctant to have even more babies around? :iagree::iagree:Something tells me this is not a concern of the OP, which is problematic.
> 
> What is missing in yourself that would be fulfilled with two more children? Not one, not three, two more. TWO. Is this a real need, or is this some girlish dream that you are trying to fulfill?
> 
> These are questions that a counselor would ask.
> 
> And you are being very unrealistic, in my opinion.


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## FirstYearDown

catloverd said:


> Okay, first of all people change and they change their minds. Maybe he was okay with four but after having two, he realizes that maybe that's too much of handful for him? Whoever says it's not fair for him to change his mind, doesn't know marriage. People change and you have to accept that. You're 23, you have two kids, if you want 4 before you're 30, you don't have to worry about it again until you're 28! That's 5 years! Enjoy the kids you have now and bring it up again in a year or two, he might change his mind over time.
> 
> Also you're marriage is more important than your kids. If he won't give you reasons, you need to make him. You need him to talk to you and you need to compromise. Ask him why and promise you won't bring it up again for another year. Give him some peace. Nagging makes things worse.
> 
> As for birth control, don't use it if it messes with your body. Use condoms instead.


I suppose if the other types of BC do not agree with a woman's body, it is either condoms or a permanent method. I just don't think most hubbies would be okay with wearing condoms with their wives.


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## Maricha75

I don't understand the age of 30 time limit. Having children in your early 30s is STILL young. I had my first at the age of 25. My second, I was 31, my third I was 33. We always said "2 or 4".. We wanted an even number. Life didn't work out that way. Circumstances led to my making a snap decision when I was getting prepped for my third c-section. My husband was totally on-board with that decision. The point is that *I* made the decision. I chose to get my tubes tied when they had me open. I signed the papers before going in.

My husband was dealing with severe depression at the time. When I requested the tubal ligation, I gave the flimsy excuse of "I don't want to deal with a catheter again"... but i was adamant, and my husband supported my wish. The thing is, I believe he understood the true reason behind my request, even if I didn't at the time. For years, I resented him, even blaming him for not stopping me. At the same time, I know it was the right choice. 

Regarding your situation tho, I think EleGirl nailed it. *Your husband gave you a reason. “He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy. He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy.”* It is a valid reason. Why do you discount it?

As for your responses to Lamaga... yes, she comes across as harsh, but there is something she said that you have discounted as well. This number... 4. It is important to you. Why? I agree that you should probably talk to someone to see why this is so important. Why are you fixated on 4 children? Also, Why is it so important that they are born before you turn 30? 30 isn't old! Seriously, my youngest child, providing all goes well, will graduate high school when I am 51. That's really not old. 

I am not asking these things to make you mad. I am genuinely curious as to why you don't seem to get your husband's true reason, which he gave you, and are fixating on the other things he has said. He is worried about being deployed, something happening to him, and leaving you to care for more children...without him. He is doing it out of concern. That much is quite obvious.

Regarding what golfergirl said about spouses backing out on having any children, etc... Yes, I say that.. IF the spouse said it ONLY to manipulate into marrying. If the intent was to not have any children, and trick someone into marrying, then absolutely yes, I would support leaving the spouse. This is not the case. He didn't say "no kids" after marrying. And, he hasn't said "absolutely not" as of yet. Even if he did, at this point, I still wouldn't advocate leaving over it for one reason: *"He fears the possibility of leaving me here alone with "all the kids" when he has to deploy."*
He isn't saying it for selfish reasons... He is saying it out of love.


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## Jazzmin

I just posted a new thread regarding my husband's desire to have a baby and my change of heart after four losses. Once you read this comment, if you have time, read m y post and offer some insight to me since you may be coming from the same place as my husband. 

No one can answer for your husband as to why he doesn't want to have anymore children anymore than someone can answer for you why you have such a strong desire to have more. Last night our counselor asked my husband to explain what a baby meant to him and he teared up and said he didn't want to go into that right now so she let him off the hook. I hope we come back to that soon because sometimes we have idealized pictures of what life as a family will be and we cannot let go of that perfect picture. Of course life is never ideal but until we experience it, we'll never know. Ask yourself (and later him) what the perfect family looks like and what they do together do some introspection and it may help. Whatever you do, do not expect that either of you can force the other to your mindset. Perhaps through understanding you can find a compromise though.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I'm so very sorry you are feeling incomplete.

I really regret not having another child. It's really my own fault by not going ahead and planning another child. I didn't think we would be financially comfortable adding a 4th child, but I was completely wrong.

It's too late to bear and raise another child now that I'm physically disabled and my husband went ahead and recently had the V procedure. 

My children are my world and I feel absolutely blessed with the 3 that I do have. My husband is a fabulous father and a perfect role model for our children. I do feel like my life is a tad incomplete without a 4th child.

My oldest recently moved out on her own and I feel empty without her. I truly miss having her around. I value every moment she comes over visiting us.

Our children are truly a blessing from above.


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## that_girl

Men want to provide. More mouths to feed is SCARY for a guy who is providing for those mouths.

He didn't say no, he didn't say yes...Your boy is only 2.5 years old. You could take 2-3 years off of this stress and try again and still have 2 more by 30.

I know you may want them close in age, but that doesn't guarantee they will get along.


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## that_girl

And maybe he's just overwhelmed with the responsibility and time that children take. Talking about having 4 children and actually having four children is completely different. Maybe he just wants to chill for a while. maybe he wants to enjoy the family that he has right now and relax and bit, save some money and then start with the babies again.

I have two daughters. Two is good. I grew up wanting 4-6. Two is good. My good friend has 4...under 4. She's 23. And her husband just went off the deep end and left. Yea. She doesn't regret her children, but she does regret not getting an education and a way to support herself and them. Her husband's 'up and gone' attitude was SHOCKING. He was an involved dad and husband. I'm not saying your husband will leave, but if something happens to him, how will you provide?


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## norajane

that_girl said:


> Men want to provide. More mouths to feed is SCARY for a guy who is providing for those mouths.


I can't imagine the stress he must feel when he deploys - he probably spends half his mindshare missing home and half the time worrying about his family. I'll bet he spends a LOT of time worrying about what will happen to his family if something should happen to him. It's a heavy burden, especially for someone who is in a dangerous place and needs to focus.

OP, I believe when your husband says he feels guilty for his reasons, it's because he thinks it is selfish to tell you he can't handle more worry and fear that he'd feel about two more children. He can't handle it. He knows this, and feels guilty.

Please, try harder to imagine yourself in his shoes, and reach for more understanding of the man you married. Imagine you had a job that took you away from your children for many months at a time. A job that put you in the line of fire. A job that required you to be at your best mentally and physically. A job where you had other people's lives in your hands. Imagine yourself away from 2, 3, 4 of your children and your spouse under those circumstances. Surely, you can see that your husband might be overwhelmed by that?


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