# can you trust your husband 100%?



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I am really feeling stressed. My husband of 5 years and I have not been getting along well (consistantly) for the past 3 years. We are struggling with blended family issues and the fact he is a control freak and recovering alcoholic. I also suspect some tendencies in manic depressive though he cycles too often - so not sure what I'm dealing with there. My problem now is that he is all excited to get a new vehicle. Well a new to him $5000 range vehicle. In 5 years this will be his 8th vehicle. He wants me to take out a loan so he can get this vehicle. He had a bankruptcy before we met that's still on file for 2 more years. I don't want to. We are on the edge of financial uncertainty right now. I'm on mat leave til November (60% wage), and my ex just quit his job so God only knows what child support will end up being. We don't need this vehicle right now. He has a car that he's selling to my son in July. In July he'll have $3000 from that toward this new purchase so why the hurry now? Last week he couldn't take me and my kids and talked about moving out and now I'm supposed to extend my credit to him? That's my cushion should he just up and leave. I don't see the point in doing it now. We had 4X4 and it cost too much in gas, so he got little gas miser. Now he wants another SUV. Make up your mind! Plus each of these purchases get new stereos, command start and detailing. Would you sign the loan?
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## Heathy (Jan 20, 2011)

I wouldn't sign the loan. I see absolutely no reason why you should.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

No way would I sign that loan.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

No, don't sign the loan, make him wait until he sells the other car.

And no, I don't trust my husband 100% and that is truly sad as I used to trust him with my life, now I don't trust him to grab a fire extinguisher and put my a** out if I was on fire.

Funny, when we were dating, he lived in another state and would drive 4 hours every Friday night to spend the weekend with me and drive back 4 hours on Sunday - he did this for almost a year. Oh, the good ole' days.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> No, don't sign the loan, make him wait until he sells the other car.
> 
> And no, I don't trust my husband 100% and that is truly sad as I used to trust him with my life, now I don't trust him to grab a fire extinguisher and put my a** out if I was on fire.
> 
> Funny, when we were dating, he lived in another state and would drive 4 hours every Friday night to spend the weekend with me and drive back 4 hours on Sunday - he did this for almost a year. Oh, the good ole' days.


Funny, I used to trust him with my life too. It's not even that I would be concerned about him sticking me with the loan - it's poor financial timing and totally unnecessary. Put the 250 you were going to use for payments away for 7 months and with the 3000 - there's your 5000 vehicle - no debt!
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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I wouldn't do it. It would be all too easy for you to do this and then he tells you he's leaving. 

If he wants a new vehicle, I would make him figure out a way to get it entirely on his own, and if he can't...oh, well. 

And if he leaves you over it...it sounds like you just might be better off.


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## Anne1 (Nov 19, 2010)

DON'T DO IT!!!! 

Two years ago my husband started his own business. He needed a loan to do so. He could not get the loan so I took the loan on my name, R 150 000.00. He can not pay back the amount so I am paying that money from my salary. This cause so much trouble at home. He used to be so nice towards me, now he can do as he pleases and he knows I can not leave. My life is a constant battle. I hate my life but can't do anything about it. It will take another 3 years to pay that loan off and untill then I have to stay and live with this.

Don't do it. I wish I had said no. I would rather live with him being unhappy than with this fighting about the payment of the loan and not being able to do anything about it. Now I am trapped and can't get out.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Even if I'm considering things from just a financial standpoint, I'd say no. Pair that with the fact that he planned on leaving not long ago, and it becomes a giant HELL NO. Keep your cushion. 

I would present it to him as a financial decision, leaving out the fact that the money is being saved should he leave.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

The more you give him, the more he wants; looks like he is a man who is never content! 

Material things can make us happy only for a short while, after we own it, we want something more, it is never a good idea living our life like this way. 

Living in debt is a lot of stress, stress can really wear people down,


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Have you asked him why he wants another car? Wow, 8th car?

I've only had two. My first one was in a hit and run and became undriveable (had it for 13 years), thus had to purchase another one. Cried and refused to see the tow truck take it away...missed it so much. Husband had 3 but one was a serious clunker he got for $400.

I really can't fathom being with someone and not trust them 100%, 'cause that would mean I don't trust myself 100% either. You know the saying, "the way you treat others, is a reflection of yourself." I have to be 100% honest with myself otherwise I'd feel like I was living a big lie.

There are some good advice above already. I hope you take them.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I guess I've just lived too long to trust ANYONE 100% anymore. I trust my SO with my heart, with my kids and with my money. But I'm nobody's fool, either. I know that people can change, people can get into situations and do things they'd NEVER ordinarily do, etc. There is where my lack of 100% trust comes from.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

NO, NO ,NO NO NO, there I said it. You know the answer to your own question without having to ask us. When you tell him no, be prepared for a temper tantrum, as you already know.


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