# Tried threesomes in a marriage?



## mrbeats

how did the experience go?

was there resentment after?


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## mrbeats

sorry if is against some rules btw - im very new here so please remove the thread if it is!


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## tacoma

I haven`t tried it in marriage.

I enjoyed it while single though.



My wife wants a threesome with another woman but I don`t really think she`s up for it like she thinks she is so it`s not likely going to happen.

I`ve heard too many horror stories to take the chance.


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## AppleDucklings

no way. The thought of it doesn't even appeal to me. I want one man and one man only.


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## This is me

I saw a post here on TAM not too long ago where a guy agreed to a threesome with his wife, and it completely ruined their marriage.


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## Jellybeans

Or remember the one where the poster said she and her husbande several...and the last one they had ... the woman who joined the threesome would NOT leave them alone and kept hanging at her house and calling all hours of the day and wanted on her husband?

Bunny boiler.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

There would never be anything good that would become of this. Bad, bad, bad.

My husband would never agree to an open marriage and neither would I.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SockPuppet

Oh yeah, remember the one where they had the threesome and became closer and more in lvoe because of experiencing something new together... yeah, people tend to forget that one.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

never have, never will.
i dont think it belongs in a committed relationship.
wouldnt be willing to take the chance with someone im in love with.


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## tacoma

SockPuppet said:


> Oh yeah, remember the one where they had the threesome and became closer and more in lvoe because of experiencing something new together... yeah, people tend to forget that one.


I'm not advocating against it in every situation.

I'd love to take up my wife's offer of a nubile young woman joining us in bed.

I just know my wife and am quite sure no matter how she says she feels seeing another woman touch me sexually is going to hurt her even if she never expresses the pain.

If my wife were more secure sexually I "might" give it a go.

Most people in western culture aren't able to be so open sexually as you can tell by the slightly venomous tone to the replies to this OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

One Sucessful one out of how many? I'd say the woman has everything to lose and nothing to gain. The man has everything to gain. So of course the one positive out of 100 negative would be elevated to a confirmation that they are good for the marriage.

Why would a woman who is not bi or homosexual have sex with a woman and then watch her husband cheat? What does she get out of it? This is another example of the pressures on women to please men and the influence of porn. Why are women the ones who are required to show their husbands that they love them by doing things that are of no benefit to them. Not only that but acts that require them to degrade themselves. This is not love but self -interest and using a convient women for sexual gratification. Not something most women sign up for. 

If a man loves his wife, he would not want to see her degraded. Men who ask for threesomes have fallen out of love and view their wife's as a collection of warm holes for their pleasure. I'd say to any woman whose husband ask for this, to consider that he is no longer looking out for you. If you can't leave just then, plan an exit strategy. Get out to work or school, exercise, look out for yourself and At the very least, keep an eye on finances. If sex is empty and unsatisfying stop. If he leaves consider yourself fortunate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Catherine602 said:


> One out of how many? I'd say the woman has everything to lose and nothing to gain. So of course the one positive out of 100 negative would be elevated to a confirmation that they are good for the marriage.
> 
> Why would a woman who is not bi or homosexual have sex with a woman and then watch her husband cheat? What does she get out of it? This is another example of the pressure on women to please men. Why are women the ones who are required to show their husbands that they love them by doing things that are of no benefit to them. Not only that but acts that require them to degrade themselves.
> 
> If a man loves his wife he would not want to see her degraded. Men who ask for threesomes have fallen out of love and view their wife's as a collection of warm holes for their pleasure. I'd say to any woman whose husband ask for this, to consider that he is no longer looking out for you. If you can't leave just then, plan an exit strategy. Get out to work or school, exercise, look out for yourself and At the very least, keep an eye on finances. If sex is empty and unsatisfying stop. If he leaves consider yourself fortunate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:
could not agree more with everything here.


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## Catherine602

tacoma said:


> I'm not advocating against it in every situation.
> 
> I'd love to take up my wife's offer of a nubile young woman joining us in bed.
> 
> I just know my wife and am quite sure no matter how she says she feels seeing another woman touch me sexually is going to hurt her even if she never expresses the pain.
> 
> If my wife were more secure sexually I "might" give it a go.
> 
> Most people in western culture aren't able to be so open sexually as you can tell by the slightly venomous tone to the replies to this OP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why would a nubile young women want to have sex with you? Just because you desire her? What would she get out of it? She has the choice of being with a young man at the height of male form and fuction. She would have more fun with two of those. A strong physical attraction and she called the shot is ideal for her. Why would she want to display herself to you for a porn performance?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma

Catherine602 said:


> One Sucessful one out of how many? I'd say the woman has everything to lose and nothing to gain. The man has everything to gain. So of course the one positive out of 100 negative would be elevated to a confirmation that they are good for the marriage.
> 
> Why would a woman who is not bi or homosexual have sex with a woman and then watch her husband cheat? What does she get out of it? This is another example of the pressures on women to please men and the influence of porn. Why are women the ones who are required to show their husbands that they love them by doing things that are of no benefit to them. Not only that but acts that require them to degrade themselves. This is not love but self -interest and using a convient women for sexual gratification. Not something most women sign up for.
> 
> If a man loves his wife, he would not want to see her degraded. Men who ask for threesomes have fallen out of love and view their wife's as a collection of warm holes for their pleasure. I'd say to any woman whose husband ask for this, to consider that he is no longer looking out for you. If you can't leave just then, plan an exit strategy. Get out to work or school, exercise, look out for yourself and At the very least, keep an eye on finances. If sex is empty and unsatisfying stop. If he leaves consider yourself fortunate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's that venom I mentioned.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma

Catherine602 said:


> Why would a nubile young women want to have sex with you?


I`m attractive, witty, charming, intelligent, and good in bed.



> Just because you desire her?


I don`t desire her, maybe you should actually read my posts before responding Catherine, you seem to have a problem with that.



> What would she get out of it?


Sex, fun, orgasms, free beer, the opportunity to spend some time with a guy who is...wait for it....

"attractive, witty, charming, intelligent, and good in bed."

And my wife is no slouch either.



> She has the choice of being with a young man at the height of male form and fuction. She would have more fun with two of those.


She could bring them along!!
Threesomes are so 80's
orgies are all the rage now.
Good idea!!



> A strong physical attraction and she called the shot is ideal for her. Why would she want to display herself to you for a porn performance?


Contrary to popular belief many women (especially of the latest generation) enjoy sex for the sake of sex.
I know it`s tough to swallow but it`s true.
I read it in Cosmo.


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## Prodigal

Frankly, what people do in their private lives is none of my concern. For me, personally, a threesome wouldn't work ... but that's just me.

@ tacoma - I think Catherine602 was stating her own personal opinion. Strong? Yeah. But venomous? C'mon ... venom is hateful, poisonous and motivated by anger/hatred. I don't think that was the poster's intention.


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## Prodigal

tacoma said:


> I read it in Cosmo.


Oh, well, there ya have it! Heck, anything in Cosmo must trump any studies conducted by the _New England Journal of Medicine_.:rofl: Not that I think such a learned publication would bother with such studies. How 'bout _Playboy_? I imagine Hef's publication would be far more authoritative than Cosmo ...


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## Catherine602

I wonder why you think I am being venomous. That implies that you have a right to use women sexually and i am poisoning the pool of the 100s of young women who are anxious to put on a porn show just because men like that sort of thing? Good for me. I am surprised you did not call me other names to characterize my post. how about the usual prude, uptight, closed minded. Is it possible you resort to name calling because you cannot offer an arguement to the contrary? Then I think your lacks content (as in dumb).

It not venom it is common sense. And if it influences women reading this I am happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

tacoma said:


> I`m attractive, witty, charming, intelligent, and good in bed.
> 
> 
> 
> I don`t desire her, maybe you should actually read my posts before responding Catherine, you seem to have a problem with that.
> 
> 
> 
> Sex, fun, orgasms, free beer, the opportunity to spend some time with a guy who is...wait for it....
> 
> "attractive, witty, charming, intelligent, and good in bed."
> 
> And my wife is no slouch either.
> 
> 
> 
> She could bring them along!!
> Threesomes are so 80's
> orgies are all the rage now.
> Good idea!!
> 
> 
> 
> Contrary to popular belief many women (especially of the latest generation) enjoy sex for the sake of sex.
> I know it`s tough to swallow but it`s true.
> *I read it in Cosmo. *


Well there you go... the truth has been spoken. :rofl:


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## tacoma

Prodigal said:


> @ tacoma - I think Catherine602 was stating her own personal opinion. Strong? Yeah. But venomous? C'mon ... venom is hateful, poisonous and motivated by anger/hatred. I don't think that was the poster's intention.


Hmm..then we`ll have to disagree.



Catherine602 said:


> If a man loves his wife, he would not want to see her degraded. Men who ask for threesomes have fallen out of love and view their wife's as a collection of warm holes for their pleasure.


I`m pretty sure that would sound venomous to a couple who was happy and secure in the lifestyle of a swinger.


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## tacoma

Prodigal said:


> Oh, well, there ya have it! Heck, anything in Cosmo must trump any studies conducted by the _New England Journal of Medicine_.:rofl: Not that I think such a learned publication would bother with such studies. How 'bout _Playboy_? I imagine Hef's publication would be far more authoritative than Cosmo ...


Sarcasm meter busted???


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## tacoma

Catherine602 said:


> I wonder why you think I am being venomous.


Because your words are venomous to people who embrace the lifestyle you bash so venomously.

It isn`t your cup of tea so it`s degrading and exploitation of women.

You do realize it is often the woman`s idea yes?
Do you realize there are thousands of people who happily, lovingly, embrace the lifestyle you so vigorously demean?



> That implies that you have a right to use women sexually and i am poisoning the pool of the 100s of young women who are anxious to put on a porn show just because men like that sort of thing?


Only in your shallow little world do my words hold that implication Catherine..only in your shallow little world.



> Good for me. I am surprised you did not call me other names to characterize my post. how about the usual prude, uptight, closed minded. Is it possible you resort to name calling because you cannot offer an arguement to the contrary? Then I think your lacks content (as in dumb).


I`ve offered an argument and I have called you no names.

Again I think you should practice reading for content before hitting the reply button.


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## Catherine602

Ahhh yea I heard all the free sex. That a popular myth. Actually do you know who is having all of that non committed sex? The most attractive young men. 20% of men having 80% of that free sex. With all of the qualities you claim to have, do you think you would make the cut? If so why? 

Whitt is so 70's and boring, intelligence, are you going recite poetry that's the 60's, charm and good in bed how do you know? What did you do, have auditions with 50 women? Or maybe you were under the mistaken assumption that the girls taking your order at MickyD's were inviting you for a tryst in the kitchen when they said "can I help you". A lot of men think that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal

tacoma said:


> Sarcasm meter busted???


Not when I get such great material to work with!:lol::rofl:


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## Catherine602

My "world" is shallow?? How so? Is depth measured in terms of how much your mind is given over to pure mindless sex? 

There is more richness to the human experience than you know. Men and women actually seek ways to develop their minds in directions other than base desires. Of course you can consider following you genital around as deep experiences. But it is so predictable there is so much more to life than sex sex sex. Step away from the porn and out of the pit of your limbic brain and revel in the delights of cognition. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

Just having a little holiday fun. Someone put moonshine in the punch at the office party.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown

I actually agree with some of Catherine's views on threesomes.:smthumbup:

However, I realize that some couples embrace swinging as a lifestyle. That is fine; different strokes. I cannot speak for the women who chose to participate in such things. 

I enjoyed sex for the sake of orgasms when I was single. It was fun and I learned a lot about myself, but at some point most people grow weary of sleeping around. One of the reasons I became a wife is I wanted to enjoy lovemaking with one man and spend our lives pleasing each other in bed.


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## Catherine602

FirstYearDown said:


> I actually agree with some of Catherine's views on threesomes.:smthumbup:
> 
> However, I realize that some couples embrace swinging as a lifestyle. That is fine; different strokes.
> 
> I enjoyed sex for the sake of orgasms when I was single. It was fun and I learned a lot about myself, but at some point most people grow weary of sleeping around. I wanted to enjoy lovemaking with one man and spend our lives pleasing each other in bed.


I never had the chance to have fun times in my 20's got married early. I envy women who have though. I think it is an important part of sexual developement as long as it is on their terms. I am glad women are having fun and are not as uptight as I was. It has cost me years of what could have been a very enjoyable time with my husband. But, better late then never. 

I am starting to have naughty fantasies lately. Two young well hung studs but that's for another thread. Maybe I am not so shallow after all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Catherine602 said:


> I am starting to have naughty fantasies lately. Two young well hung studs but that's for another thread. Maybe I am not so shallow after all?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


put down the punch catherine602, PUT DOWN THE PUNCH!


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## Catherine602

Ok I done. He he. Fun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown

At least you are coming into your own. Try not to waste any more time being timid in bed. You and your husband deserve to enjoy each other. 

My parents wanted me to stay home until marriage, so that they could continue to smother and overprotect me like a twelve year old. 

Living independently is healthy for a young woman in more ways than one. Besides learning to be self sufficient, twentysomethings are free to explore dating and sex without oppressive, sexist parents breathing down their necks. I could have been married at 18 and I am glad that I had enough sense to decline my first boyfriend's proposal.


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## mzladii

I have kind of a different opinion on 3somes... Well not even really an opinion even, my theory is 2 live and let live... That said ...
I'm very curious about a 3some with my fiancé,he hasn't ever asked or brought it up. there's just something about the female form that I find extremely attractive. I did experiment once in college with a female friend and a guy we both knew, the experience was pretty amazing in my opinion, however, the friendship I had with the female friend was destroyed  the guy and myself actually continued 2 casually hook up on and off, not usually something I would do as I'm very uptight lol but I believe the experience helped me to overcome a lot of insecurities I had within myself and helped to satisfy some curiosity I had about sex and my body, I found the casual relationship/freindship status of our relationship really freed me of a lot of inhibitions and allowed me to ask questions and get honest feedback without worrying about the long term consequences of our responses...the threesome aspect happened only once, I enjoyed it and felt comfortable, I did not feel degraded or exploited, I actually felt empowered and free... Like I said tho it destroyed the relationship I had with my female friend. 
I really don't think I would go through with a 3some in a committed relationship, if so I would need ground rules.
NC with the female after the 3some
I don't know how I would feel about my man actually having intercourse with her, I think I'd be more comfortable with him more watching her and I together and joining in slowly.
Touchy tho, what happens after the act? 
Just an opinion... I believe every couple is different and that what works for 1 may not work for another 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

Catherine602 said:


> One Sucessful one out of how many? I'd say the woman has everything to lose and nothing to gain. The man has everything to gain. So of course the one positive out of 100 negative would be elevated to a confirmation that they are good for the marriage.
> 
> Why would a woman who is not bi or homosexual have sex with a woman and then watch her husband cheat? What does she get out of it? This is another example of the pressures on women to please men and the influence of porn. Why are women the ones who are required to show their husbands that they love them by doing things that are of no benefit to them. Not only that but acts that require them to degrade themselves. This is not love but self -interest and using a convient women for sexual gratification. Not something most women sign up for.
> 
> If a man loves his wife, he would not want to see her degraded. Men who ask for threesomes have fallen out of love and view their wife's as a collection of warm holes for their pleasure. I'd say to any woman whose husband ask for this, to consider that he is no longer looking out for you. If you can't leave just then, plan an exit strategy. Get out to work or school, exercise, look out for yourself and At the very least, keep an eye on finances. If sex is empty and unsatisfying stop. If he leaves consider yourself fortunate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To preface this, I'm in a relationship, but not married. I understand that's a big difference.

But my GF is the one that raised the idea of a threesome with me and another guy. So it's not just the guys being horn dogs. And I had that set up once as a surprise, but it fell through due to scheduling.

My GF and I did end up practically having a threesome when her best friend and her friend joined us, but the other guy had issues holding up his end of the bargain. Even though we'd talked about it before, and she's the one that drove the whole event, it still shook up our relationship when it actually happened. And I'd say we have pretty good communication.

Having said all that, she brought up the idea of a threesome with her BFF in the new year during some pillow talk. I'm ok with that (duh) if she's game. To be honest, it was fun, and I'd do it again. But I've had much more pleasurable sessions alone with my GF.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bartimaus

I can't understand how you could share your spouse with someone else if you really love them. And of course swinggers sware by the lifestyle and always defend it. But I would love to see real life stats on how long married swinggers marriage stays together after starting the lifestyle. It would probably take swinggers to even do such a stat and I assume it would be dishonestly slanted in their favor.
Is your spouse bi or bi-curious? Well that does mean that they like sex with the opposite sex and the more freedom you do and have with swingging will probably cause them to continue to keep interest in the opposite sex as well as their bi-sex desires.
This is playing with fire even if you two have agreed to an open relationship and/or the swingger lifestyle. It causes you and the spouse to be more desensitized to sexual morals and that tends to bring the temptation of wanting more and more. This is something that will probably become more and more popular due to so much porn available today. Monkey see,mokey do if you are 'hot' natured. It is playing with fire and you should keep that in mind should you desire to venture into this. Feelings will develop somewhere along the way for one of those sex partners you bring into your marriage though the two of you may think you can control this, you don't really KNOW what feelings your spouse may be having OR the feelings the ones you bring into this lifestyle to have sex with may be having for your spouse.
Better listen the the doubting side of this venture and be prepared come what may!


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## mr.miketastic

Catherine602 said:


> One Sucessful one out of how many? I'd say the woman has everything to lose and nothing to gain. The man has everything to gain. So of course the one positive out of 100 negative would be elevated to a confirmation that they are good for the marriage.
> 
> Why would a woman who is not bi or homosexual have sex with a woman and then watch her husband cheat? What does she get out of it? This is another example of the pressures on women to please men and the influence of porn. Why are women the ones who are required to show their husbands that they love them by doing things that are of no benefit to them. Not only that but acts that require them to degrade themselves. This is not love but self -interest and using a convient women for sexual gratification. Not something most women sign up for.
> 
> If a man loves his wife, he would not want to see her degraded. Men who ask for threesomes have fallen out of love and view their wife's as a collection of warm holes for their pleasure. I'd say to any woman whose husband ask for this, to consider that he is no longer looking out for you. If you can't leave just then, plan an exit strategy. Get out to work or school, exercise, look out for yourself and At the very least, keep an eye on finances. If sex is empty and unsatisfying stop. If he leaves consider yourself fortunate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If my wife asked me to, I would certainly consider it. I would not see it as the man trying to keep women down, exploit, enslave or passively rape in any way. Maybe if you can't envision it, that's perfectly OK, but the assumptions you are making are a little on the extreme side. I promise not to bash you in the head with my libertine views if you can make the same promise with your prejudices


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## Bartimaus

mr.miketastic said:


> If my wife asked me to, I would certainly consider it. I would not see it as the man trying to keep women down, exploit, enslave or passively rape in any way. Maybe if you can't envision it, that's perfectly OK, but the assumptions you are making are a little on the extreme side. I promise not to bash you in the head with my libertine views if you can make the same promise with your prejudices


There are some women that suggest,initiate,and set up these activities. It's not always the men so your reasoning is correct about a few points. But,there are those of us that believe that love and a pure monogamous relationship are the norm. There is nothing wrong with thinking this way because history and studies of different civilizations throughout history DO prove that this always proves out to be the best for long term relationships and for long existance of those civilizations. And that un-bridled sexually seeking civilizations have shown record of not lasting as long or being as healthy. This true statistic of past civilization is not my bias,I have tried and done it all,trust me. I have no bias towards anything anyone wants to do or promote actually but if you live in America don't condemn ones bias in favor of anothers. It's a free country and baseing ones morals or life decisions of conduct should not be condemned unless...those decisions prove to actually be harmful,counter productive to society and against moral laws. Laws are however based on something and someones views now aren't they? You base your morals and laws on something and I base mine on something. I choose to stick with what is best and safest for me,my family and the societies laws in which I live. I know that swingging isn't breaking the law of America,but is a type of renig on traditional marriage and if anyone doesn't like my view or making this point for traditional marriage,it is your problem and not mine,I don't give a rats arse of your opposition to my beliefs,it's a free country. That's my decision,I won't try to change yours and you shouldn't try to change mine or call mine a bias. I don't mean this as blunt or frank as it may sound but it is a free forum and since the quoted post in my post seemed to be attacking one bias in favor of another I am gald to chime in and try to help him become aware of what he actually did in his reply to the quote he quoted. I have nothing against your morals or favor of 3somes or swingging but responded here because you appeared to be blatantly condemning anothers views that are different to your views. And as you chose to stand up against an opposing view to yours I have the freedom to do the same. Swing on. (moderator I won't reply to this thread again).


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## Almostrecovered

risk outweighs reward


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## mr.miketastic

Bartimaus said:


> WALL OF TEXT (moderator I won't reply to this thread again).


I never said I was against traditional marriage, and I felt what I wrote as a bit tongue-in-cheek to be honest. I am not a swinger, but if my SO felt that she wanted to try with another woman, I would not deny her that exploration. There's a concept where to condemn without experience of what you condemn is condemnation based on ignorance. I thinks it's totally groovy for someone to stay within the sexual confines of their relationship, but I feel it's equally as groovy for a couple to explore further if that is what they mutually agree on, and if one says they are not comfortable with it, then it should stop.
I do not agree that this is some masculinist plot to sexually exploit all women so I hope we can jump off that deconstructive soapbox.


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## CandieGirl

When I read posts on this topic, I always think of the aftermath, and of thinking 'Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...'. So maybe for most married couples, adding a third player really isn't such a good idea. Just sayin'!

And for me, I would not be able to do it - certainly not with another woman. With another man? As AR said, risk outweighs any pleasure that might come out of it, such as the chance of me getting knocked up. NO THANKS.


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## ladybird

IT is just a bad idea.


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## Catherine602

PBear said:


> To preface this, I'm in a relationship, but not married. I understand that's a big difference.
> 
> But my GF is the one that raised the idea of a threesome with me and another guy. So it's not just the guys being horn dogs. And I had that set up once as a surprise, but it fell through due to scheduling.
> 
> My GF and I did end up practically having a threesome when her best friend and her friend joined us, but the other guy had issues holding up his end of the bargain. Even though we'd talked about it before, and she's the one that drove the whole event, it still shook up our relationship when it actually happened. And I'd say we have pretty good communication.
> 
> Having said all that, she brought up the idea of a threesome with her BFF in the new year during some pillow talk. I'm ok with that (duh) if she's game. To be honest, it was fun, and I'd do it again. But I've had much more pleasurable sessions alone with my GF.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are right and I stand corrected. But I would like to caution you. You said you were begining to have feelings for her. Please guard your heart. I think she is using you to play out fantasies. I really cannot see a partner man or woman who can watch partner with whom they have a deep emotional connection, having sex with another.

I guess it happens but I wonder if the people who say their relationship is stronger are telling the truth or if it is a case of misery loves company. 

At any rate, I think you are correct it is sometimes the woman driving the encounters though it is rare. But I think the same thing about her male partner as with a female partner. If it is a committed love relationship it means the instigator does not love their partner. 

If she is a girlfriend and you don't see of future with her then. In my opinion it will not hurt. But if you are hoping for a longterm committed relationship I think you should be careful and hold your emotions in check. Just sayin'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

mr.miketastic said:


> If my wife asked me to, I would certainly consider it. I would not see it as the man trying to keep women down, exploit, enslave or passively rape in any way. Maybe if you can't envision it, that's perfectly OK, but the assumptions you are making are a little on the extreme side. I promise not to bash you in the head with my libertine views if you can make the same promise with your prejudices


Ok done. I hate being hit in the head it makes me dizzy. But it is interesting that you say you would go along with the 3 rd being a woman. Dont you mean if she wanted a man or a woman? Suppose she wanted to watch you get and recieve a bj from a man and she have sex with the man? 

I think if women should always present this senerio to men hoping for a 3some and should ask them to do this first. How many men do you think would do it? . How libertarian are your view with that scenario? 

If you did not want to do it then don't you think that what you really want is something for yourself as long as you don't need to give the same back? What is that then? Using you wife but not allowing her to use you? . Monogamy suddenly seems appealing given that I bet . I think most men who are hoping their wives will have a 3some are thinking of getting something for nothing. They will not give something for nothing in return.


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## PBear

Catherine602 said:


> I think you are right and I stand corrected. But I would like to caution you. You said you were begining to have feelings for her. Please guard your heart. I think she is using you to play out fantasies. I really cannot see a partner man or woman who can watch partner with whom they have a deep emotional connection, having sex with another.
> 
> I guess it happens but I wonder if the people who say their relationship is stronger are telling the truth or if it is a case of misery loves company.
> 
> At any rate, I think you are correct it is sometimes the woman driving the encounters though it is rare. But I think the same thing about her male partner as with a female partner. If it is a committed love relationship it means the instigator does not love their partner.
> 
> If she is a girlfriend and you don't see of future with her then. In my opinion it will not hurt. But if you are hoping for a longterm committed relationship I think you should be careful and hold your emotions in check. Just sayin'
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for the gracious reply.

I don't know what kind of future we'll have, but we've had a great past and present. . On the plus side though, she's demonstrated honesty and openness in our relationship right from the start, so I can't claim later that she used me without my permissions. I've been quite a willing participant in e erything new we've tried so far. Although I still haven't had to deal with seeing her with another man yet... But it's not like she's asking anything of me that she's not willing to give in return.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

Look out.

Tit for tat is quite dangerous if you're really not ok with something.

The seeds of destruction may lie within.


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## mr.miketastic

Catherine602 said:


> Ok done. I hate being hit in the head it makes me dizzy. But it is interesting that you say you would go along with the 3 rd being a woman. Dont you mean if she wanted a man or a woman? Suppose she wanted to watch you get and recieve a bj from a man and she have sex with the man?
> 
> I* think if women should always present this senerio to men hoping for a 3some and should ask them to do this first*. How many men do you think would do it? . How libertarian are your view with that scenario?
> 
> If you did not want to do it then don't you think that what you really want is something for yourself as long as you don't need to give the same back? What is that then? Using you wife but not allowing her to use you? . Monogamy suddenly seems appealing given that I bet . I think most men who are hoping their wives will have a 3some are thinking of getting something for nothing. They will not give something for nothing in return.


So you somehow turned what I said about the woman asking for a scenario into the man actually asking for it and pushing it on her. You are somehow trying to spin this into a man oppressing woman situation when it is purely hypothetical. I totally support anyone, man or woman, who likes sex with a same-sex partner, but if someone finds it uncomfortable, then it's wrong to pressure them. And I was being a bit cheeky by saying my _libertine_ views. A libertarian would be a political party.


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## Catherine602

mr.miketastic said:


> So you somehow turned what I said about the woman asking for a scenario into the man actually asking for it and pushing it on her. You are somehow trying to spin this into a man oppressing woman situation when it is purely hypothetical. I totally support anyone, man or woman, who likes sex with a same-sex partner, but if someone finds it uncomfortable, then it's wrong to pressure them. And I was being a bit cheeky by saying my _libertine_ views. A libertarian would be a political party.


Thanks for the correction - Miss Malaprop present and accounted for. It does make some of my writing funny don't you think. Trying out $15 words and mangling the English language. 

I should not have made the post in reference to you . I think You made it quite clear that it had to come from your wife. Quoting your post was a mistake and I am sorry. 

I meant the post to men or women who are persistent with a spouse that is clearly not interested. I have read some heart breaking post from frantic women and a few from men. I feel so bad for them. 

One woman's husband refused to help her in a business they were running until she agreed to do a threesome. She was having difficulty keeping her head above water without his participation. 

My suggestion was directed at women faced with that situation. I don't have an answer for men facing this. Divorce? 

"That is the very defect of the matter, sir." Lancelot in The Merchant of Venice


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## Catherine602

Ok done. I hate being hit in the head it makes me dizzy. But it is interesting that you say you would go along with the 3 rd being a woman. Dont you mean if she wanted a man or a woman? Suppose she wanted a man ?  

I should have confined my statement to this question.


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## mr.miketastic

Catherine602 said:


> Ok done. I hate being hit in the head it makes me dizzy. But it is interesting that you say you would go along with the 3 rd being a woman. Dont you mean if she wanted a man or a woman? Suppose she wanted a man ?
> 
> I should have confined my statement to this question.


I am certainly open to discussion, because I think it's important to be able to at least talk about it and come to a compromise. In my specific situation, there is a history that I have that would preclude her actually asking me to do something with another man. I personally know couples who have very unconventional relationships like that who have been together for decades. I think if it works for someone, then they should not be judged. My path is not yours, nor yours mine


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## Beowulf

You DO realize that the OP never stated that the threesome was one man and two woman right? Why was that assumed so quickly? I think some posters are pushing their personal agendas rather than answer the OP's question or even discussing the ramifications ALL parties would face in such a situation. I would never consider it as I have all I need in my wife and if she requested it I would question if I was all she needed. That said, to each his/her own.


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## Laurae1967

Catherine602 said:


> There is more richness to the human experience than you know. Men and women actually seek ways to develop their minds in directions other than base desires. Of course you can consider following you genital around as deep experiences. But it is so predictable there is so much more to life than sex sex sex. Step away from the porn and out of the pit of your limbic brain and revel in the delights of cognition.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love this quote! :lol: Give 'em hell!


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## mr.miketastic

Laurae1967 said:


> I love this quote! :lol: Give 'em hell!


There go those assumptions again 

I can agree that there are deeper experiences that are more profound than sex, as one kabbalist put it, and I am paraphrasing : Experience of the divine is 60 or more times more profound than loving sex.
I think, however, that denying your humanity, and need for some kind of sexual connection is in fact denying a gift that has been given to all of us. How one chooses to express that, save for those who use sex to punish and harm others whether physically or psychically, is up to that person and they should not be held in judgement.
I know several poly "families" who have been together for far longer than many "vanilla", traditional marriages.
Please don't assume that anyone who is tolerant, and speaks tolerantly about sexual expression is automatically a slave to their genitals, as it demeans both you and those you accuse.


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## johniori1

I haven`t tried it in marriage.


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