# Follow-up sex & resentment.....separation?



## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

I thought he finally understood how his sexual demands made me feel. Just when I was about to walk away he held me, let me cry and explained that it was ME he wanted, me he loved & was very happy with what he had. Even though I had a feeling in my gut this would only last until the next time I didn't do something he wanted I caved. I wanted so much to believe him and we'd never fight over sex again. (Keep in mind he gets sex 3-5 times a week just not kind he wants) I'm wrong again  Lastnight at 1:00am I'm woke up to every single costume, toy, accessory, anything sexual was being packed up. Slamming it all into trash bags and going to take it all to the dump. How am I supposed to react? How is that supposed to make me feel? I'm not intentionally neglecting him--just what I give him isn't enough I guess. Which has me wondering maybe we should separate? Let me realize what he has...........It's so sad.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you're having sex with him 3-5 times a week, he's hardly neglected. If he wanted a trapeze artist, he should have joined the circus. Sex (actually intimacy) is surely a need, but sex should never be a demand. How should you react? Before he tosses the trash out, pick out any items you actually enjoy and then tell him to be sure to recycle responsibly.


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## MiracleMommy (Mar 4, 2011)

I don't know your situation, but it sounds like I can relate. My husband came out last year and told me he wants a sex change. He's been cross dressing in our home for 2.5 years now. He likes the dress up, the make up, toys, wears breast forms, etc. I'm not into it, at all. But it's who he is and it makes him happy to be a female. We have many many other factor's forcing me away from our marriage though. I'm not asking him to stop though. The differences in his personality and attitude are amazing. He's a sweetheart when he's a woman, and definitely a controlling, angry uh, man, when he's not dressed up.

I just wanted to tell you you're not alone. I don't have any advice for you sorry. Keep your head up though.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

MiracleMommy said:


> I don't know your situation, but it sounds like I can relate. My husband came out last year and told me he wants a sex change. He's been cross dressing in our home for 2.5 years now. He likes the dress up, the make up, toys, wears breast forms, etc. I'm not into it, at all. But it's who he is and it makes him happy to be a female.


Wow. You are a very tolerant person. I'm pretty open minded but I don't think I could handle that. In fact, I know I couldn't. 

So if he gets a sex change, how would that work out for you in being sexually attracted to him or having sex at a all? I assume you aren't a lesbian? :scratchhead:


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## Sadie (Mar 9, 2011)

I fully understand where your coming from. My husband of 22 years from the begining said I was all he wanted and I believe him but the problem was that if I didn't want to sex everyday I was doing something wrong. Now my husband has lots of bad qualities and addictions. But my husband would keep a sex log of daily sexual activity, like if we had oral sex and if I came or he came things of that sort. We had sex everyday at least 2-6 times a day. I felt like a piece of meat. That's the reason why today I do not like sex like I did when I was younger, I had sex so much with my husband daily it had no meaning and I didn't even feel it anymore. All of the feeling is gone when I have intercourse with my husband I'm numb. That's a problem, but he has no idea at all that I feel nothing during intercourse. And I can't tell him or he will raise hell. I give you luck.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

hbgirl said:


> (Keep in mind he gets sex 3-5 times a week just not kind he wants)


A little confused..what kind of sex does he want? 



Sadie said:


> I fully understand where your coming from. My husband of 22 years from the begining said I was all he wanted and I believe him but the problem was that if I didn't want to sex everyday I was doing something wrong. Now my husband has lots of bad qualities and addictions. But my husband would keep a sex log of daily sexual activity, like if we had oral sex and if I came or he came things of that sort. We had sex everyday at least 2-6 times a day. I felt like a piece of meat.


Wow..what were you? A wife or a lab rat? Way to kill the passion and romance. No wonder you are numb..


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

wow sadie, you need to fix that if possible.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Interesting Sadie..your husband is an alcoholic? Mine is too and his sex drive is all but dead. He can barely get an erection and hasn't had an orgasm in quite awhile. He satisfies me well enough but he's just going through the motions. 

We used to have great sex. Even while he was drinking we had great sex..but the last few months it's dwindled to nothing.  He barely notices when I'm naked in front of him.


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## broken98375 (Mar 10, 2011)

hbgirl This is going to be tough to hear and I understand that you don't want to fight but a fight created the situation. From the sounds of it this has been going on for some time. A simple band-aid will not fix a deep wound. When he was throwing everything into the trash bags I would of let it go, especially at that time of the morning. If the toys are his and he is throwing them away then let him, if he wants to throw a temper tantrum then I personally would not give in with the "Honey is something wrong?" and the fight that would follow.

We all battle with the conflicts in our lives and some happen on a very deep and personal level. If you are going to truely be a place of support he must allow you to support him. You don't have to tell him you are not another one of his toys, he should know that already. What he may not know is that he makes you feel like one. Take the time to think about what excites you in an intimate fashion and don't just tell the man show him. Explain to him that anything you show him is not a 100% gurantee that you are going to be in the mood and your desires are not always going to be the same. Tell him also that the wounds from this fight is going to take time to heal and that he must be patient. Take the time to heal, TAKE THE TIME TO HEAL. Love is a natural skill that many of us have and all to often we allow our anger to guide our actions. I know you are hurting and I hear it in your words. I just want you to know that you are heard and that there is support here for you.

My only honest piece of advice is this. If a marriage or relationship is worth saving then trying to save it to a mutual satisfaction is always worth the effort. I hope at the very least that I have or can be some help to you.


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