# No closure.



## 123qwe (Mar 27, 2013)

I have been married for two and a half years and have known my wife for almost 6 years. When we first started dating, we were both excited, we loved each other, we looked forward to being with each other and spending intimate time together. We each lived at our parents' house about an hour apart. I had been working full-time and she was finishing up college so we tried our best to meet as much as possible.

After a few years of dating, she began putting pressure on me to marry so I proposed and moved out to my own apartment. I had lived on my own before for several years so I was comfortable with taking care of myself. She would visit me on weekends while we were engaged and I started to notice things about her that I didn't like. I attributed it to the fact that she had always lived at home with her parents and was just inexperienced so I never made a big deal about it thinking that it would change.

After we married, she moved in with me and that's when the problems began. It seemed like everything she had a problem with was my fault. I had a stressful job but made good money for us to live on and save up. I felt she never understood that, never cared to understand what I was trying to do for us and would effectively blame me for working full-time and not spending more time with her. Not only did I work full-time, I had to come home feeling unappreciated and take responsibility for almost everything around the home, even planning our vacations down to the detail. I supported her and convinced her she should find a job and go back to college for her masters degree. She even blamed me for indirectly forcing her to go back to college and for waking up in the morning to go to work. She also blamed me for her moving out of her parents house and into an apartment with me. Everything was designed to make me feel guilty.

When it came to house chores, she would either complain and not do it or cut corners and leave things half done; oil and food bits in the pots and pans, etc. If I tried to show her how something was done, whether it be cooking something, washing the dishes or paying bills, she would drop what she was doing, leave and come back to blame something else on me, effectively leaving it up to me to finish it. It was as if she expected a fallback (me) to take care of things she didn't feel like doing. She felt that any of the errands or chores around the home that she had to do were forced on her so she never fully took responsibility herself for any of it and resented me as if I put this on her. I tried many times to have a healthy conversation with her about these things but she would just cry and say she wanted to go home. She would then blame me for not giving her enough attention, not having sex with her and in the end, she would just shut down and not listen to what I had to say.

At times while she was crying about not having sex, I would sit there and shake my head wondering why I am even doing any of this and why I don't want to have sex with her.

I felt like I was raising a child. She never felt like a wife to me but a drain on what I was putting into the marriage. It felt like I was compensating for what she lacked as if I was 1.5 out of the 2 people in the marriage.

I felt unappreciated, unloved and that I was doing all of this for no reason. To her, everything was fine except for sex and obviously that would be the case if I was taking responsibility for everything. For me, I was growing resentful and tired, overburdened with all of the responsibilities and dreaded coming home on some days. I feel like I've been in this daze for the duration of our marriage. The marriage soured very early on and I just lost my attraction for her as my wife. I didn't feel any affection towards her and no matter what I did for us, she just wanted sex. Early on, I just checked out and felt like sex was just another chore for me. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't want to do it so it became very infrequent. The sex was just about her. She would orgasm on average about 20 to 30 times and I would just feel like another tool in the box for her. We did not have sex much. Even though she wanted to have sex every day, I didn't have the drive for her anymore to get myself even interested in having sex with her.

This all sounds like a man's fantasy, a wife that wants sex all of the time but how long can that last? A month or two maybe if things aren't going well, or forever if other things are going well which they weren't. What struck me as odd was that she was incapable of developing any emotional attachment to me even though I would sometimes open up to her. The problem became about sex and only sex all of the time.

She dropped a bomb on me one day telling me of all the dozens of previous boyfriends she's had and all of the things she's done. She even jokingly referred to herself as a "ho-bag". I didn't know how to take this since I didn't even know any of this about her and it made the situation worse for me since I felt like I didn't even know her anymore.

About a month ago, I noticed she was behaving differently with different make-up. She started to come home late after her classes and wouldn't answer her phone or respond to texts. She wouldn't tell me that she was going out after class until I asked about it after the fact. She lied to me about phone calls she was making and one morning I checked her emails and found a few "more than friendly" emails she was exchanging with a classmate whom she was spending time on the phone with and in person. I confronted her about it and after continually avoiding it, I told her to take her stuff and leave.

She went to her parents and convinced them I made her homeless, that I had a medical condition, that I was asexual since I wasn't interested in her. They obviously turned against me and have been giving me hell ever since this started. I have only spoken to her parents and she refuses to talk to me anymore. Her parents hate me and she drained our joint bank account savings and moved the money into another account I don't know of. No matter what I tried, she acted like a child throughout this entire marriage and it is unfortunate it came to this. We'll be filing for an overdue divorce but I'm still trying to bring some closure to this.

I realize I could have had more sex with her but then I would have been a complete tool in the marriage. I was just as unhappy but I never crossed the line she did hoping that things would change. Her family has turned this on me blaming me for the lack of sex. I haven't even talked to her. I had to hear it through her dad that we are getting a divorce.

*To sum it up*, she was acting like a self-centered spoiled child throughout the marriage. She would victimize herself, blame whatever she could on me, not listen to me, not take responsibility for anything and expected me to want her. I couldn't communicate with her; it was a one way channel and she just would not own up to responsibilities or actions or even listen to me. She would just cry and shut down. The lack of sex took a toll on her and she felt insecure about her looks but for me it wasn't even about her looks, it was about the way she had been behaving. It really felt like a relationship that did not progress from dating to marriage and that it had already run its course but we were stuck in a marriage now. We had some good times but mostly bad or mediocre times.

Now that it is over, I feel it's better this way. I'm just stuck here recovering from my daze and wondering what the hell happened. No closure. It just ended.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Hire a lawyer and get back the %50 of the money she took.


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

123qwe, So sorry! I hope in time you will be able to look back and thank your lucky stars that you are FREE of this demon. She is not the person you thought she was, and even worse she preyed on your good nature. 2 1/2 years is relatively short and you can find a person of value and begin a loving and healthy relationship with someone of equal caliber. I know it is hard now, but please see the rainbow behind the clouds. Better days are coming!

P.S. Get your $$ back ASAP! That self entitled biotch at least owes you that much.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Hmmm, your marriage was practically over before it began. You're well rid of her and she can go back to her avocation of being a "ho-bag", probably the only thing she does well. 

I agree with the rest, get a bank statement and show it to your lawyer, get back whatever she took. If it's less than a few thousand, it may be better to let it go as the price of freedom.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

You've done good 123. The last thing you want to do is spend another day in hell with this harpy. The way you describe her, she is also a sex addict. I agree with Walk. View the money as a payment to get out of hell. You can make the money back. This chick can wound you in ways that will never fully heal. 
We live and often die by our choices. Sounds like you've made a good one in cutting yourself loose.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

123qwe said:


> After a few years of dating, she began putting pressure on me to marry so I proposed and moved out to my own apartment. I had lived on my own before for several years so I was comfortable with taking care of myself. She would visit me on weekends while we were engaged and I started to notice things about her that I didn't like. I attributed it to the fact that she had always lived at home with her parents and was just inexperienced so I never made a big deal about it thinking that it would change.


Let's go back to this, because it is the one thing you can change about yourself in the future.

When you see red flags like this in the future, do not expect them to change. Take them at face value, and also do not let them pressure you into marriage. 

We can't expect them to change, and with an abusive person pressuring you into marriage - you see the best behavior before the've got you trapped. Afterwards - the real monster emerges.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

keko said:


> Hire a lawyer and get back the %50 of the money she took.


:iagree:


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