# who do i keep happy?



## trinie (Feb 23, 2009)

I am married 6 years with 3 kiddies (a 6, a5 and 1year old) i am extremely unhappy and know undoubtedly that i am not in love with my husband, I do love him and there is nothing i wouldnt do for him but if you asked me do i enjoy waking up beside him each morning or would it bother me if he was with another woman then the answer would be no, actually there have been times that i wished he would have an affair so that i would have a reason to walk away. Right now i know i have to tell him the truth because the way i am feeling is having terrible consequences on my health and i am petrified i will loose my mind but the real problem behind all this is that originally, before i met my husband my mum, dad, brother and myself lived in Australia, i loved it there and would go back in the morning but my husband isnt so keen, my brother lives over there still and my parents are mad to go back but say they cant go without me or the kids cos they couldnt bear to be without their gran kids ( they have been actively involved since their birth), my mum keeps telling me how they have no life here and how depressed my father is, making me feel uterly useless cos i cant give them the 1 thing that they want! They have been great parents to me and have given me a great childhood, but the problem is that even if i do convince my husband to go, which is unlikely cos he is a very thick, stubborn man, i cant make my feelings come back for him, i have tried to tell them that i dont love him like a wife should love a husband but they dont seem to care all they want is for me to stay with him so that he will move to oz, as much and all as i would love to move back to oz and as much as i love my parents and i hate to let them down do i really put my feelings aside and start a new life in oz with a man that im not in love with, i have tried so hard to make myself love him but its now at the stage that i literally can not stand him to touch me, i wont let him kiss me, not properly, i have no intimate feelings for him at all, i enjoy having him in my life i just dont enjoy giving him my life.. Help..


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

it sounds to me like you've let the guilt from your parents creep into your marriage. it sounds like you feel guilty for how miserable your parents are, and that you actually feel responsible for their misery. 

Let go of your parents. when you get married you cleave to your spouse, not your parents. once your family is out of the picture things will come around with your H. but you need to make up your mind who you want to be with. and for the sake of your child, i hope you get your head straight and pick your H.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

I agree. As much as your parents have done for you, they are putting pressure on your marriage and it sounds to me that your guilt is being put on the wrong person, your husband. let your parents move back if they are so unhappy here, and then you will have time without their whining and unhappiness effecting your decisions about your husband or your marriage. you can find out for your self what you really want, and not just what your parents want. 

everyone falls in and out of love with their husband, thoughout the marriage. it is what you do when you are out of love that makes or breaks a marriage. Besides it is not just you but the babies you brought into the world with this man. dont they deserve a father actively in their life? dont you think you should be worried about giving your children a great childhood like your parents did for you? Your kids deserve that, and if your parents are not on the bandwagon then let them go.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> it sounds to me like you've let the guilt from your parents creep into your marriage. it sounds like you feel guilty for how miserable your parents are, and that you actually feel responsible for their misery.
> 
> Let go of your parents. when you get married you leave to your spouse, not your parents. once your family is out of the picture things will come around with your H. but you need to make up your mind who you want to be with. and for the sake of your child, i hope you get your head straight and pick your H.


:iagree: but being detached from my parents its easier for me to say that.
the prob here is yours parents need to be reminded to make there own decisions - they cant have everything they want.
if my mum told me she was going to oz, and yes my family were born there. i would say go and have a fab time.
sounds like your parents want a carer if not now, then later.
but that point wil come.
no doubt they love your children, but your children are also an excuse.
ive seen that scenario all to many times to.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Here's what I suggest and you can take it for what it is worth, but the title of your post is who do I keep happy? and all I can say is this-You and you only are responsible for your happiness, just as your parents and H are responsible for their happiness. You cannot make them happy, they must do it themselves. Focus on doing what makes you happy. A happy mom makes for happy kids!


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## T-Dub (Feb 2, 2009)

First of all I feel that you should get a Drs. appointment to make sure your health is doing ok. Then , is there something in the past that started this whole spiral? You have to love yourself before you love anyone else. Thats my two cents.


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## trinie (Feb 23, 2009)

StrongEnough said:


> Here's what I suggest and you can take it for what it is worth, but the title of your post is who do I keep happy? and all I can say is this-You and you only are responsible for your happiness, just as your parents and H are responsible for their happiness. You cannot make them happy, they must do it themselves. Focus on doing what makes you happy. A happy mom makes for happy kids!


You are so rite!! My kids deserve a happy enviroment and if i have to be on my own, no parents and no husband to give them that then thats what i have to do!! i have spent the last 6 years making and keeping every one else happy and i have done feck all for myself, and because of this my kids are most certainly not getting the whole me, only part of me, they deserve a happy, friendly bubbly mum, the type of person i was before i met my husband.. Thank you for your interest in my problem..


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## trinie (Feb 23, 2009)

T-Dub said:


> First of all I feel that you should get a Drs. appointment to make sure your health is doing ok. Then , is there something in the past that started this whole spiral? You have to love yourself before you love anyone else. Thats my two cents.


There is one thing that started this whole mess and just 1 month before i started seeing my husband i lived with a good friend of mine who took her own life, i was the unfortunite one who found her and i took i very badly, for she was such a great, bubbly girl but unfortunitly when i foound her she look nothing like the girl i knew more like something out of a horror film.. I became totally dependant on others, i was affraid to be on my own and was affraid of the dark, so hence when i met my now husband i clung to him, he was company for me at nite time which was the main time of the day that i needed some one.. Within 7 months after this i became pregnant and thought (stupidly) that we should get married, so on and so forth, and here i am in this mess!! I now know i should never have got married, and if im honest i knew that walking down the isle, i think i have to put an end to all this.. I went to my doc and she has forwarded me for councilling which will hopefully help..

Thank you for your reply..


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

good luck to you, i hope you find your happiness and able to find an answer that all can live with


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