# The problem: Wife Sex Rape sexuality divorce family blending



## Confuddled (May 21, 2011)

My wife perfect in many ways minus the superiority complex(defense mechanism) which I can live with. However sex is and always has been horrible; I knew this going into our Marriage and discussed this. The plan was we would work together and solve our sexual differences.That plan never happened. After a couple of years 'I' got discourage and now five years later I completely resent her.

History:

MY wife: ADHD, Alcoholic, Raped as a teenager (I suspect more than just once) and never sought counseling (Or told anyone). Also according to her everyone she has ever been with has cheated on her (except Brian & me). Two kids by two different fathers; one is a bad person and the other pretty decent person. And the guy between the two went to jail for six months for domestic assault on her. She has had bad luck with choosing mates (maybe even me). I did not know about the ADHD medication or alcoholism going into the relationship. She was going through a diversion program (DWI) and I don't really drink but a few times a year (usually). My wife has a bachelor’s degree in Human science and child hood development and a great cheer leader personality in Public (former HS cheer leader).

Me: Sexually aggressive, free loving, military (LRRP), and now an urbanized hippie of sorts. Not so much the hippie part(ima closet pot smoker).I've had many adult relations with many women, sometimes more than one at time; Until my daughter walked in my bedroom one morning(kind of my wake call). as a single full time father I felt shame(my big life changing moment) I was also my children’s part time teacher- through first grade, if that gives you a better description of my personality. And for me I have two kids and an oops. My oops child (I think about often) lives with his mother and Dad. I didn't know I had him until he was four (I moved to Oregon)and coming from a broken home I/we don't/ didn't want turn his life upside down. His mom and I are still friends and talk semi-regularly (she’s one of my FB friends).

Our children (hers & mine): We have four combine, none together. She wants more kids, I refuse. In my opinion, it would be irresponsible for us to have more kids, being that we have four children to put through college already and raise. Ours/ her youngest being six. 

The problem (in my opinion) she has been raped and has never dealt with it(+Alcoholism). She doesn't recognize how it affects our sexual relationship. And her over mental health . I do not push or talk about her getting into counseling, I have but maybe once or twice. In-short- I'm bored, Sex is emotionless, more of a chore. I want hours of foreplay instead slam bam thanks honey (not really) smile, pretend to be grateful. I am very sexual and everyone who knows me knows that I am (no secret). As I said, I knew of her raped, she also knew about my sexual history(I’m purdy honest fellow). 

The bigger problem: I resent her for our sexual differences; I feel cheated, and cannot recognize any of her good qualities because I am blinded by sexual frustration. I do not cheat for selfish reasons( I will not dishonor myself) however I have had a couple of opportunities and other people that I Could if put forth a little effort. knowing I can sleep with someone else drives me insane, not because they're any more attractive than my wife, but because I know I would get sexuality what I need(emotional sexual contact), the warmth only a woman can provide.

My wife is missing a HUGE part of her! I know it was stolen! How do I love her and resent her and coexist with her? I told my wife I want a divorce two days ago. 

Confession: I am drunk (ima light weight) and Microsoft word 'spell check' help considerably while typing this. Drinking and Divorce do go together, right? -no worries I have an extremely low tolerance for all intoxicants I.E I couldn’t be an alcoholic if I wanted too.


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