# Am I screwed up or what?



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

I have been away from TAM for a few months some of the women on here hate me? I guess honesty isn’t always the best policy?


I shot my wad after all the studying, I failed to apply what I learned here and elsewhere?

About one month ago during another fight over sex, for the first time in our 22 years of marriage I said “then we should just get a Divorce” “She said fine” I demanded that she give me our previous tax returns stating “my lawyer will need them” a lie” (I was supposed to quietly copy them) I demanded to see all financial bills bank accounts etc. She has always handled all of the financial s. I was ignorant of our financial status. (Another one of my mistakes) She provided the requested info. I told her that “she could keep everything and that I just wanted the house” she said she did not want anything.

We calmly discussed consensual divorce proceeding for the next fey days. I told her that we would sell big ticket toys Boat, restored car and Jet ski and divide the monies to get us started. We had another fight and she left the house with my son to stay with my best friend. The next day we discussed a truce and I asked that we start marriage counseling. 
I Hoping that would relax the tension. After she made the appointment she advised me that the counselors said she should remain away until our first session? She admitted after I badgered her on what she told them? She told them she was scared of me? She stayed away for another 10 days. She gets home earlier than me so she would stop by feed my son 16 and then leave before I got home. I asked her to return 3 times during the 11 days. After learning and going over the finances I realized that we were financially stuck together? Student loans 60Gs and still one year left for my daughter, house underwater, bills, bills, bills etc no savings she spent that for the this years tuition for both kids. 

She came home at night I invited her to my bed room and reminded her that we are still married. We had the best most passionate sex in 20 years, lots of desire by both of us even some oral both ways  Two days later when I approached her in bed she pushed me away and we have been fighting off and on since. I have been having bigger and angrier issues with rejection for the last several months which leads to the fighting.

The counseling has been OK so far. I admitted to being an alcoholic right away just to get the conversation back on her lack of sexual for me desire issues. This week the counselor will talk to her about her low libido. 

My thoughts are that things will get better or worse probably worse. I started life in a one bed room apartment, I guess I may have to start all over again.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

If you are an alchoholic that will continue to be a huge WEDGE in your marriage. Your wife is competing against booze and you are letting the booze win unless you are sober.

My husband has been sober for 3 years and our marriage has become what I have always dreamed it would be. Find a way to stop drinking. Your wife probably does not feel emotionally safe with you while you are an active alcoholic and I can't blame her. That will get in the way of sex and emotional intimacy.

You can make it work but the alcohol has to go away. If it doesn't your wife will never be your #1 and I suspect she knows that.


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