# Do you wear your wedding ring while separated?



## Rugs

Just curious


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## woosaa

Rugs said:


> Just curious


I removed mine the day after my wife left
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps

No, I haven't worn them since he left.


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## Pbartender

No... I took mine off, and X snuck in and took it and hid it away somewhere. Although, there probably was and even chance I would have put it back on if she hadn't.

Later, when she wanted to pawn it along with her engagement ring and some other jewelry I gave her for our wedding, and she couldn't find it, she accused me of stealing it and threatened to report it to the police.

She never did.


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## volley

I stopped wearing mine when we separated because I was not proud of my marriage. My STBXH rarely wore his the last 2 years due to his work and playing sports. I do have both of our rings in my jewelry box because I am not ready to do anything with them yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ne9907

I don't wear mine. I felt it was a lie to wear and also too many memories.
I have since put it in my keychain. I like it there.


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## SawbladeLily

I'm curious to hear the answers here. I haven't worn mine on my finger for years because of farm work. Got it caught once and learned my lesson. So they are on a necklace and haven't really been a part of me for a while. I think I didn't see them meaning the same thing anyway after his first infidelity 12 years ago. But what does strike me is that he is still wearing his, and he's the one who has OW and stated he was leaving me. I haven't mentioned the ring because it probably has more to do with keeping up the pretenses until we tell the kids. 

I'd like to have it myself though when he's done with it. I've seen some really neat recycled jewelry that involves a good heavy hammer and a drill.


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## mtn.lioness

I took mine off the day after he left.


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## philglossop

Nope, off the day after he left.

On my divorce day, it went over the cliff at Lands End into the North Atlantic.

Best thing I ever did.


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## GotLifeBack

I took mine off the day I saw she had taken hers off.

Mine also tried to hide mine away, I didn't read in to why too much, but I freaked out when I couldn't find it. I found it though and put it somewhere she wouldn't have looked for it again. In hindsight I think she wanted to pawn it.

The ring really is a symbol of hope, the sooner it comes off, the easier it gets.

Shame I can't easily remove the tattoo I have of our wedding date. On the plus side, she can't easily remove hers either


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## Pluto2

Nope.
I sold it to pay for groceries when he stopped paying child support.


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## littlejaz

Took mine off the day he left.

He had quit wearing his several years earlier - claimed it was for work, but now I know it was for cheating purposes. Now he claims I stole it. I haven't seen it in years and don't understand why he cares - it isn't worth much money.

Haven't decided what I will do with mine, if I ever manage to get this divorce done.


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## "joe"

i did for months, because i was married. then we had a reconciliation-possibility dinner, which she turned into a fiasco. i took it off. it still hurts.


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## FeministInPink

I wasn't sure, either, when we first separated. The intention of our separation - at least what we agreed to in counseling - was to work on our own issues separately to see if we could save the marriage. So, in my mind, the marriage wasn't over and that meant keeping the rings on. I was also hesitant to take them off because I didn't want anyone to ask or pry.

But when it became apparent that he wasn't holding up his end of the deal, that he wasn't working on his stuff, and that he wasn't interested in saving the marriage, I took them off. I wanted to see what it was like NOT to wear them. That was about two months after we separated? I don't really remember the exact day. I wanted to see what it was like not to wear them for a period of time, and I never put much thought into whether I would wear them again.

Even so, if he had a breakthrough with his therapist and re-committed to fixing the marriage, I would have put them back on. I was ready to do that. I carried them around with me all the time.

Six months after we separated - in mid-August - things were crystallized, everything became abundantly clear, and I knew my marriage was over for good. I put them on one last time, so I could take them off for good, put them in a box, and close that chapter in my life.

I'm a big fan of little symbolic rituals like this. We attach so much cultural, emotional, and psychological significance to things like wedding rings, good-luck charms, and the like. I wanted to remember the day I took the rings off for good, and I wanted it to be deliberate, and in doing so, help me to process and heal. And I think it did.

I don't know what I'll do with the rings now. Maybe sell them? It would be a waste to just throw them into the ocean or what not, though I'm tempted to.


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## SawbladeLily

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know what I'll do with the rings now. Maybe sell them? It would be a waste to just throw them into the ocean or what not, though I'm tempted to.


I've been wondering this same thing. Part of me would love to just throw them overboard or smash them to flat pieces or melt them down, but then I have two girls and no matter what, he's still their father and will be very active in their lives (if they allow it), and we were married. So a sentimental part wonders if I should keep them around and save them for the girls. For now, I'll put them away in a box. Always time later to dispose of them.


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## LIMBOLADY

I stopped wearing mine before my STBXH left only because it hurt too much to put them on everyday. I felt like wearing them was living a lie and it was. They meant nothing anymore.


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## FeministInPink

SawbladeLily said:


> I've been wondering this same thing. Part of me would love to just throw them overboard or smash them to flat pieces or melt them down, but then I have two girls and no matter what, he's still their father and will be very active in their lives (if they allow it), and we were married. So a sentimental part wonders if I should keep them around and save them for the girls. For now, I'll put them away in a box. Always time later to dispose of them.


He is their father, but do you really think the girls would want them? They'll have their own memories of him as their father -- a token/memory of when the family was intact might not be a positive thing for them. Depending on how difficult the split was for them, they might NOT want the reminder. And they're YOUR rings, and it was YOUR marriage, do with them what YOU want. They mean something to YOU, and they are nostalgic for YOU -- they don't necessarily mean anything to your children.

My parents have been married for 38 years. I don't care about their wedding rings at all. When my parents pass (hopefully many, MANY years from now), they will be taking their rings with them into the great beyond.

*Should* is a dirty word.


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## BeachGuy

That's an individual decision for everyone. Do whatever you want to do. I stopped wearing mine a good year before separation. She stopped wearing hers as "retaliation". Didn't make a hill of beans to me. I lost my ring during the move. For some reason it really bugs me that I lost it. I never intended to get rid of it. Although sometimes I wonder if she took it and hid it, I really don't think she would do that.

She started wearing her ring again for some reason. I filed for divorce in February but she wears it to this day. Go figure. I think my 11 year old asked her to start wearing it again.


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## antechomai

I wore mine for 9 months till the legal papers were finished. 
It was 13 years ago, but I do remember this feeling of, "I want no women approaching me" for months. 
The "quiet time" latest two years. I needed it after closing the door on a 15 year marriage. It was a great 2 years of peace and raising 3 daughters (I had 50% custody).


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## Ceegee

Pbartender said:


> No... I took mine off, and X snuck in and took it and hid it away somewhere. Although, there probably was and even chance I would have put it back on if she hadn't.
> 
> Later, when she wanted to pawn it along with her engagement ring and some other jewelry I gave her for our wedding, and she couldn't find it, she accused me of stealing it and threatened to report it to the police.
> 
> She never did.


Classic moment.


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## brokenbythis

Nope. Anyway, I sold them, it paid for my divorce filing fees


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## hambone

I have a very nice channel ring for a wedding ring (for a guy). Probably 2 carets of diamonds in it.

I shifted it from my left hand to my right hand. 

Shifted it back when I remarried.


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## SpunkySpunky

Well during our separation...the day he asked me to leave I took his wedding band. It was my grandfathers. I kept mine(that belonged to my grandmothers) on a day and then I took them off and out them both in my jewelry box.

We are working on R but it took 7 months after we decided to R that I put mine back on. He asked for his back immediately.

I wasnt about to put mine on until I knew for sure we were okay. Wearing my rings mean something to me, so I didn't want to wear them If I wasnt completely in it in my heart.


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## "joe"

update: i kept wearing mine on and off: i put it back on sometimes because the pain was too great. then i carried it in my pocket and toyed with it. now it's both off and at home. it may go back into my pocket. good god this business has me destroyed.


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## AFPhoenix

The day I realized that there could never be a reconciliation is the day I took mine off.


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## Pictureless

It's off. I won't sell it though, might as well wait. Who knows? Maybe I'll get married again someday. If not the price of gold should only go up.


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## Pepper123

I took mine off days after we split, and put it in my jewelry box for my son. It is just a thick gold band with a platinum ring around it, so not anything overly feminine. My son does want it- he periodically will go to my jewelry box and try and convince me it fits. He is only 7 though, so I'm safeguarding it until he is more responsible.


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## Leobwin

Sometime during our separation, I left my ring on DW's dresser as a message of sorts. She sold it for gold weight.

When we began reconciliation, I bought my own replacement....which I carelessly lost a few months ago.


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## indiecat

I'm considering flushing mine down the toilet.


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## Pictureless

indiecat said:


> I'm considering flushing mine down the toilet.


Don't do it. At least sell it for gas money. What's gas, $3.35 a gallon?


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## Jellybeans

philglossop said:


> On my divorce day,* it went over the cliff at Lands End into the North Atlantic.*
> 
> Best thing I ever did.


I kind of love this.


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## arbitrator

*When my skanky XW's preplaned "trial separation" commenced early on the morning of May 21, 2011, I continued to wear my wedding ring, because I honestly believed her "c0ck-and-bull" story that "we needed to work on our marriage from afar, and then ultimately get back together."

And I suppose that someone should have literally sold me the Brooklyn Bridge on that day, because I so dupingly seemed to want to buy just about anything that anybody had to say around that time.

The wedding band that I used for our wedding was one that my Mother had bought for my Dad back on their 40th Anniversary. It has a nice size diamond setting, a little ornate for a man's ring, I suppose. Dad refused to wear it because with him traveling all over the Gulf of Mexico in his offshore supe's position, he was so damn fearful that he'd lose it.

I inherited that ring after Mom's death and my XW decided to use my Mom's diamond rings as her wedding rings, and wanted me to use Dad's ring.

After the separation, I kept mine on, but my XW took hers off many months prior to the actual separation.

To this day, months after the divorce was finalized, I wear this ring with absolute pride ~ not regarding my marriage per se, but mostly to honor the 54 loving years that Mom and Dad spent together as husband and wife, and for having raised and educated six knuckle-headed boys. And I will continue to wear and cherish this ring; but if there is ever to be another Mrs. Arb, I greatly think that I'd want a brand-new wedding band.*


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## helolover

Jellybeans said:


> I kind of love this.


I did something similar. I walked down to the river a few blocks from my house and threw it in. 

Liberating.


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## Healer

I took it off the moment she left. I can't possibly fathom why anyone would continue wearing it.


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## FeministInPink

arbitrator said:


> *When my skanky XW's preplaned "trial separation" commenced early on the morning of May 21, 2011, I continued to wear my wedding ring, because I honestly believed her "c0ck-and-bull" story that "we needed to work on our marriage from afar, and then ultimately get back together."
> 
> And I suppose that someone should have literally sold me the Brooklyn Bridge on that day, because I so dupingly seemed to want to buy just about anything that anybody had to say around that time.*


Wow, that sounds eerily familiar to what happened to me...



arbitrator said:


> *To this day, months after the divorce was finalized, I wear this ring with absolute pride ~ not regarding my marriage per se, but mostly to honor the 54 loving years that Mom and Dad spent together as husband and wife, and for having raised and educated six knuckle-headed boys. And I will continue to wear and cherish this ring; but if there is ever to be another Mrs. Arb, I greatly think that I'd want a brand-new wedding band.*


I think that might be the ONLY good reason I've heard for keeping the ring on. (I hope your XW gave her ring - with your mum's diamond's - back to you?) 

... and if I was you, I would want a new ring if I remarried, as well. (In fact, if I were to remarry, and the guy wanted to use the same ring from his first marriage, that would be a sign to me to call off the engagement! Even if the ring in question DID belong to his father, or some such similar emotional attachment.)


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## Married but Happy

I stopped wearing mine when the marriage was over in my mind, as a symbol of my feelings, but it was years more until it was official.


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## arbitrator

FeministInPink said:


> I think that might be the ONLY good reason I've heard for keeping the ring on. (I hope your XW gave her ring - with your mum's diamond's - back to you?)


*Yes, I did get Mom's diamond engagement and wedding rings back, along with the rest of of her priceless items of jewelry that I had to place in my inventory of personal property to the court. My lawyer told me that under Texas law, that the engagement and the wedding ring were legally her's to keep because they had legally been "gifted" to her, through the engagement and wedding connection. The other jewelry had not been.

And despite my skanky XW being worth millions, I'm glad she had more common sense than greed, to have the decency to give them back. I was so very fearful that I'd never see them again!*



> ... and if I was you, I would want a new ring if I remarried, as well. (In fact, if I were to remarry, and the guy wanted to use the same ring from his first marriage, that would be a sign to me to call off the engagement! Even if the ring in question DID belong to his father, or some such similar emotional attachment.)


*Those rings will be kept in my safe deposit box until such time that my son's may need them in their matrimonial interests!

And as far as Arbitrator is concerned, I'd greatly prefer a new start with a new girl, and with new rings!*


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## TheSecretGarden14

Mine are off. I don't think I will ever wear them again. If, IF, we get back together, I want a new ring. The one I have symbolizes our wreck of a marriage. I would want a new promise and a new ring.


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## Finding Nemo

arbitrator said:


> *I wear this ring with absolute pride ~ not regarding my marriage per se, but mostly to honor the 54 loving years that Mom and Dad spent together as husband and wife, and for having raised and educated six knuckle-headed boys. *



Your story brought tears to my eyes. I have an aunt and uncle that have been married for at least 50 something years as well. They started out living in a little tiny shed that was no bigger than a lawnmower and a few tools would fit into. They worked in the fields and they were dirt poor. They were so poor that my aunt's first anniversary gift was a broom. That little shack still stands in their yard right were it was all those years ago. A house, garage, and two other buildings have now been built around that shack. Sigh....pisses me off that people have come to see marriage as a throw away commodity - I am not sure I can include my husband in this category just yet as he has decided to take reconciliation slower than a snails pace. I guess a snails pace is slower than nothing at all, right?


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## arbitrator

Finding Nemo said:


> Your story brought tears to my eyes. *I have an aunt and uncle that have been married for at least 50 something years as well. They started out living in a little tiny shed that was no bigger than a lawnmower and a few tools would fit into. They worked in the fields and they were dirt poor. *They were so poor that my aunt's first anniversary gift was a broom. That little shack still stands in their yard right were it was all those years ago. A house, garage, and two other buildings have now been built around that shack. Sigh....pisses me off that people have come to see marriage as a throw away commodity - I am not sure I can include my husband in this category just yet as he has decided to take reconciliation slower than a snails pace. I guess a snails pace is slower than nothing at all, right?


*Reminds me greatly of my Mom and Dad! He was an oilfield painter and came to work in the East Texas town where Mom, widowed with 3 small boys from her first marriage, met him. He adopted those boys, fell in love and married her, and started his own family, having three boys of his own. And poor ol' Mom never had the little girl she had often dreamed of, but was so very proud of all of her boys.

Dad often told tales of them being so poor, that "they couldn't afford to pay attention!" Years later, despite the fact that he had no college degree, he eventually worked himself up to become an Offshore Block Superintendent for a major oil company, supervising even some employees who had doctorates and masters degrees. He was a real "rags to riches" success story.

And they had their problems, like his drinking and all. But they chose to work through their problems, not heading to a lawyers office, or to the arms of another love interest, but to each other. And I remember Dad reminiscing about talking some of his employees out of divorce; and having summarily fired one who left his family and children to run off with some honky-tonk floozy. After Dad fired him, he told the guy that he'd forward his final paycheck to him! Dad drove to the town where the wife and kids were, and personally delivered it to the wife!

He was simply a man's man and IMHO, we need more like him! Well, maybe except for some of his drinking!*


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## FeministInPink

Sounds like a love story for the ages, arbitrator


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## TimesLikeThese

No. It meant something to me. It was a weird feeling for a while not having it on, but that went away. Very occasionally I touch my bare finger with my thumb out of old habit.


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## PieceOfSky

My wife hasn't worn her for years, and somehow is never enthusiastic about us going to get it resized.



I stopped wearing mine a few months ago, as I recall.



Doesn't bode well for my thread in the CDS forum.


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## mrsmelissaflorez

I stilll were mine even though we not divorced yet.


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## mrsmelissaflorez

I Keep mine on even though we are not together i dont want guys hitting on me lol


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## Married but Happy

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know what I'll do with the rings now. Maybe sell them? It would be a waste to just throw them into the ocean or what not, though I'm tempted to.


I took mine off when I knew the marriage was over - I just needed to get my ex stable on her meds before I could leave her safely, but she knew I was going to leave. This took a couple of years, though.

Many years later, I sold my ring - and a very valuable class ring - to a jeweler, and my new wife and I used the proceeds to design a custom ring for her.


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## KrisAmiss

My DH checked that Kik app (the cheater app) just cuz he was curious if any of the gals had tried to reach him.

I then took my rings off just cuz I was curious if any of the guys would try to reach me.

It does feel very weird after wearing them 26 years and I think about them often. You can see the indention of where they were. :-(

Curiosity killed the cat.


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## SunCMars

KrisAmiss said:


> My DH checked that Kik app (the cheater app) just cuz he was curious if any of the gals had tried to reach him.
> 
> I then took my rings off just cuz I was curious if any of the guys would try to reach me.
> 
> It does feel very weird after wearing them 26 years and I think about them often. You can see the indention of where they were. :-(
> 
> Curiosity killed the cat.


I know about indentations.
I know about indenture.

Die curious.
Living incurious, clueless, is a dead cat walking.

When the guys reach you....
I end here.


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