# Husband is Depressed



## somethingtotalkabout (Oct 15, 2009)

My husband is really disappointed in himself and he is starting to worry me. He is 24 and I am 22 (we got married young) and he still has plenty of time to choose a "career" before we have children. I love him, but he is very easily distracted from his goal. He has been missing work lately and he has just realized how this is going to affect his career in the long run. He is now so disappointed in himself that nothing I say can console him. He says he can't even look at me because he feels like he has failed me and he doesn't know why I married him. It's really hard for me to see him like this, because I know he is amazing at his job when he applies himself. I guess that is the biggest problem. I can't admit it to him, but he is disappointing me as well. I am trying to see his realization as a positive, but I am afraid that he will let his depression paralyze him and it will have a negative effect instead. He says he is afraid of the future and of the responsibility just around the corner (kids, a mortgage, etc.) and he is hiding away (NOT a good sign). What should I do? We have been together for three years and married for almost 7 months. I am not going to give up on him...I know he wouldn't give up on me. He is an excellent husband in all other respects and will be an excellent father one day. I know I need to encourage him and help him through this period of self-doubt...I just don't know what to say or do! Any advice?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

He may be depressed or it could be something else entirely... 

He should go in and have an evaluation. It could be ADD for all you know. He just needs something to get him moving toward solving the fear of movement issue so a trip to the doc would be in order.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

somethingtotalkabout said:


> I know I need to encourage him and help him through this period of self-doubt...I just don't know what to say or do! Any advice?


few things- 

read up on codependency and boundaries. 

you could get him the book Feeling Good by David Burns. it helped me a lot. 

dont have kids.


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## therealcabreezy (Aug 26, 2009)

As a man I can tell you we can be self-destructive and also inflict pain on a loved one to try to make us feel better. Since we are falling a pit of crap, we often want our spouses or partner to fall in with us. The problem is we are so blinded by the problem(S) we face, we don't see the hand that is extended trying to pull us out. You have every reason to be dissappointed and upset. He sounds like a good man and needs to stand-up, dust himself off and go at it again. It's not over until you are being lowered 6 feet in the ground. He needs to know that he is not alone and when he feels that way, all he needs to do is look to the right and see his wonderful wife standing there...You two need stand tall, look each other in the eyes then look at that storm and run straight into together hand-in-hand...In the long run, he will remember your loyalty and remember it was you that believed in him. Beside everygood man is an even better woman!

Other than this, if it is that bad, definilty seek a Doctor. I think he is fine and needs to, I hate to say it, man-up. I am having a similar problem and am having to do a little readjusting myself. Good Luck STTA


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

Blanca - which book exactly is it? there are several "feeling good" themes.... one is from 1999 but there is another that is just a year or so old.... thanks...

Amazon.com: David D. Burns: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, Kindle





Blanca said:


> few things-
> 
> read up on codependency and boundaries.
> 
> ...


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