# Christians who believe in Marriage I need prayer



## Chelsie (May 17, 2014)

My husband has asked for divorce and does not want to try again. We have separated in the past and he has tried to divorce me before but in the end he always came back. He has committed adultery on me several times however I want to forgive him and choose to move forward. My husband does not believe that our marriage is repairable and says that he is bad for me and that he isn't made for marriage and that I deserve better. Everyone I talk to about it for support agrees with him. I don't believe in divorce. I believe that my marriage is holy and that divorce should not be an option. I have chosen to stand and pray constantly however I feel so alone. Even my family is praying for my divorce???How can I stand for my marriage alone? Its hard enough that my husband doesn't believe. I need people who believe in marriage and that all things are possible with God to pray with me. I can use all of the prayers I can get! Please God allow my husband and I to both grow from this experience and come together to follow you. Please soften the hearts and bring together a community of people that believe that marriage is a sacred union that is not to be broken. Please allow for your love to fill us that we can serve you and love each other with forgiveness and grace. Please God grant me the patience to give this to you and be content while waiting.

My request as that some fellow Christians will band together with me in prayer. I know prayer can change hopeless situations into amazing ones. Currently I am the only person prayer for the reparation of my marriage since my family and friends are telling me that I should accept the divorce. Please help me to stand for what God wants when the world is telling me to follow it instead.

I'm so confused and this hurts so much. I have tried to do everything the right way. I made some mistakes and was bitter and had a hard time forgiving and moving past all of the heartache. Now he tells me that I will never forgive him and never trust him again and that we both need fresh starts. He wants to go out to bars and flirt with other people and act single. He hasn't filed the paperwork yet. Aren't we still married until the divorce is final? This hurts so much.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I am Catholic. I believe I am a Christian, but many Christians do not. It doesn't matter to me. I will pray to Jesus for you. I think you have to leave it in God's hands. It won't sway his decision if anyone is praying for something He does not want.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*From a tried and true United Methodist, my heartfelt prayers go out for you, him, and for your entire family! Please continue to keep us posted!*


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## Chelsie (May 17, 2014)

Thank you so much for your prayers. They mean so much to me. I have never posted on a forum before however I have read through many of them. I'm glad that I have joined. I don't have much support from anyone for saving my marriage only people telling me to end it. My marriage is not what you would call a healthy one. My husband has switched from believer to non believer to "I don't know". There has been a lot of things that have been very hard and wrong, not so good. I honestly can look at it and wonder why would I even want to save my marriage but I do. Everyone keeps telling me that God has someone better for me out there. I believe them but in my heart I think that better person is my husband with God in his heart. I know he won't do that unless he decides to bring Christ into his life and he has to find that on his own. His emptiness, his searching, his finding himself and his starting over don't need divorce to happen. Divorce doesn't solve the problems that we have within ourselves. He moved out a month and a half ago and asked for a divorce. We were arguing quite a bit and it wasn't healthy for either of us. I have ordered the Love Dare book and want to do it to help me be more accepting of my husband, more loving and closer to Christ so I can be a better person and know what God wants for me but I also don't want to drive my husband away with the dares so I am wondering if perhaps a different book that is just focused on myself rather than doing things for him would be better. I have a hard time just putting it in Gods hands. I know I need to but I am so scared sometimes. My husband has told me that his mind is made up and that he isn't going to change it this time.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

You sound like a very loving person. My heart aches for you and I wish you all the best.


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## Chelsie (May 17, 2014)

Every time I try to talk to my husband and tell him that I want to try to make it work he gets frustrated and tells me that I need to let him go kindly with love. How do I do that??? Especially if I don't believe in divorce. He doesn't love me anymore and I love him so much. I don't understand any of this. How can someone be so cold to someone that loves them so much. Why doesn't it bother him that this is hurting us?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

There are some here who can help you better than me. Have you gotten yourself to a counselor? If not, please do, if you can. This is such a difficult thing, counseling can only help. Please do that for yourself. 

You are correct. It's very difficult to sit back and do nothing. I am sorry that came across like that. I can't emphasize getting into counseling enough. Please do it. It will help you. 

My prayers will be with you. 

I don't have the answers you are looking for. I am sorry. There are others here who might be able to help you. Books are good when things are good.

This website is pretty good. 

Marriage & Relationships - Focus on the Family

Please get into counseling. It will help you to cope, no matter what happens. 

Here is a book, but I never saved my marriage. I came here too late. It was already done. I wanted to save it and could not. I know many folks have posted about this book. 

Divorce Busting® - How to Save Your Marriage, Solve Marriage Problems, and Stop Divorce

I am going to bow out now. I mainly posted to let you know you are not alone. There are folks who care, even if we can do little to help, but pray.


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## NotEZ (Sep 23, 2012)

While I understand "faith" being a big thing for a lot of people, it won't change your situation. I think your friends and family members are right and you need to let go. You said he has cheated on you multiple times and has told you he is unhappy and wants to leave. Why do you accept that for yourself? I understand "not believing in divorce" but does your faith not also condemn infidelity? 

This is a man that is TELLING you and has SHOWN you (in an awful way) that he does not want to be married to you any more. In what world does "faith" trump self-respect and dignity?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Praying for you...

May God answer your prayers.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

How about praying for God's will to be done, even if it is not necessarily yours?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I, too, didn't want to divorce when my XW asked for the "trial separation." But after finding out afterward that I was being cheated on by her for over a year prior to that, all while we were sharing the same marital bed together, literally sickened me!

God's will is the most important thing, because as a loving God, He will never lead his children astray. 

Just continue to persevere, pray, and have faith in Him and His works! God will definitely answer your prayers in your best interests!*


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## Whome? (May 17, 2014)

Nice to read your post. I don't feel so alone. I feel exactly the same way. I have just become a Christian but never felt divorce was an option. I have been married for 18 years with infidelity and heartache. Just remember your relationship with God is stronger than anything. He is your solid ground. The only love you can truly count on forever is His. I will pray for your marriage because I know that it is important to you. Blessings!


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

I have a PhD (in August at least) in theology. Prayer is certainly a fine thing to ask for but you may be asking for the wrong thing. There is a prayer called the "serenity prayer" written by Reinhold Niebuhr that is widely used in 12 Step circles and elsewhere: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I would suggest you start to pray this prayer everyday and to take it to heart. The first part is about accepting your powerlessness. You have absolutely no power to control your circumstances, your husband and other people, your emotions or your thoughts. Things you cannot change. You will never change your husbands mind. God will not change your husband's mind or behavior. Only he is responsible for that. Trying to control him through actions, words, and prayer is manipulation and not accepting what you have no control over. Your husband has shown you and repeatedly told you that he will not change. You need to accept that for your own good and sanity.

The second part is about accepting what you can change. Really, you can change yourself. You can change the way you behave. You canget out and make new friends if you have become isolated and overly focused on your husband and your marriage. You can get a new hobby. You can get to the gym and get in shape if you have let yourself go and become physically healthy. You can get a job if you are a housewife or get back in school to find a new career path. You can begin to relate to your husband in a way that allows you to stand up with dignity and self-respect (loving yourself) rather than grovelling and begging his cheating self to come back to you and please, please, dear God change. Get up off your knees and do not beg that man for anything. Do not use Christianity to put yourself down: God is a God of Exodus: of liberation. And you are right now not in any way shape or form in a relationship of mutual respect and dignity but one in which that man has been trampling on you and you have been taking it, and doing so in the name of Jesus. Stop. Stop now. You can begin to change for the better, and you will be no less Christian for it.

The third part is about wisdom. It is about being able to discern clearly what you can and cannot change in this life. There is something here called a 180. Start doing that now. I've described some of it already in changing yourself. Another part, is to stop all contact with you husband who is cheating on you. You are only driving him further away by begging and pleading. And driving yourself mad in the process. 

You can change, you cannot change your husband. You can come out of this a better and stronger person if you want to. But that is completely and totally up to you. The serenity prayer can help you if you want it.


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## Shoshannah (Aug 29, 2012)

Chelsie said:


> Every time I try to talk to my husband and tell him that I want to try to make it work he gets frustrated and tells me that I need to let him go kindly with love. How do I do that??? Especially if I don't believe in divorce. He doesn't love me anymore and I love him so much. I don't understand any of this. How can someone be so cold to someone that loves them so much. Why doesn't it bother him that this is hurting us?


Dear Chelsie, I am so impressed with you! You are able to forgive so much because you believe in Christ and the sanctity of marriage. You are absolutely right, but it is so rare these days. God can heal your marriage and change your husband's heart, but he has to listen. Your husband is miserable and will never be happy again until he sees completely what he is doing wrong in his life. It is God's desire for your marriage to continue, absolutely. I am praying for you and that your husband will listen to the call of the Holy Spirit. But if he does not, that doesn't mean that God has failed you or that He doesn't have a better future for you. Please remember that nothing you did caused your husband's unfaithfulness. That is completely his fault, so I hope you are not blaming yourself. There are undoubtedly things that you did wrong in the marriage, but that is never a good enough reason to cheat on a spouse. I am also going to pray that he sees the beauty in your heart. I think he does to some degree or he would not want to keep coming back. I wish I could tell you my whole story, it would take awhile but there was a time that there wasn't much hope for my marriage, though we were both confessing believers. My husband did not want to be married anymore and said he was no longer in love with me. I went through some very dark times with lots of little children to be strong for. I had Christian friends but they were not going through anything like it and it was before TAM was around, so they couldn't understand. Never the less, through some miracle, my husband changed his mind about me. It didn't happen all at once and the whole dark period was about 2 years. God does heal marriages! I believe prayer is the most important thing you can do and you are right to ask for others to pray, but don't forget to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat the right foods, spend time with people who love you and doing fun things. Get your hair styled, buy new clothes if you can. Do a form of the 180. Its a good way to heal and care for yourself. You will be more attractive to your husband and others but the main goal is for you to feel better inside and out. And never give up on God's ability to take control of this situation, whether it means that your husband will listen to Him or not. He is taking care of you and has your future in His hands. I am praying for you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Helpful Healing Links


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

You have my compassion and sympathy for what you are going through, but it must be clear to you that your husband is set on this course of action. It is particularly lucid of him in that a more selfish person would continue to use your forgiveness and cheat over and over. 

There are 800 Million Hindu's in India and many who live modern lives in the cities who get along in their marriages just fine without Jesus. I am not being critical of Christianity and I would not seek to turn you from your faith, but i feel like someone ought to point out that happy marriage is not a unique fixture of any religion. Moreover, spiritual intimacy can only glue a marriage together if both spouses want to cleave to that. God, if he even exists in any form, is not going to change him for you.

I find it peculiar that free will, being an apparent cornerstone of Western faith, is thrown under the bus when people talk about 'coming to god'. EG: "thank you Jesus for touching my heart". Implying that god made them a believer, yet when someone does not believe it is a self destructive exercise of free will. I guess some are lucky and get special treatment, eh? My point being, not to wonder off topic, is that even if we accept the Christian model of God, it is contrary to my limited understanding of that faith to even ask for him to mess with free will. 

I wish for a swift resolution to this in your life and lasting happiness.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Ha! Obviously, it wasn't you. Or do you think it was?? hmm. 

Just keep going. Christianity is meant for the individual. It was meant to give us a choice. You can see that exercised everywhere, that choice. No one forced anyone to do anything. That's an aberration.

Stay the course, remembering that it's your soul that is important and anything done is to help you get to heaven, not help you be who you think you should be or have what you think is best for you. Happiness comes in many places and forms. Sometimes, we don't know what form it will take next and we are surprised to find some new thing that makes us even happier. 

Life is hard sometimes, and we don't know what the reason is that we are seemingly punished. It's not necessarily a punishment. Sometimes, we can't see the forest for the trees. 

What forest? All I see are trees! That is the forest. Step away and take another look. 

Great things may be in store for you. We don't know much about you. 

One thing that helps is journaling. You can write what you are grateful for, what you have done for yourself and what you have accomplished. Even small things help when written and read. 

Make sure you talk to a good attorney and get your ducks in a row. Follow what you are told. Get prepared, even if you don't want it. 

You want to protect yourself. You want to get all the information you can about what you are entitled under the law. Please do that. You want to have that all in place. It's not good to be unprepared. You can lose much more than gain. It will only make it worse, if he goes through with this and you are not prepared.

Keep praying. Don't give up on God. He hasn't given up on you. It just seems that way right now. It may for a while. Keep letting Him know how you feel and what you think. Keep reading your Bible. 

Just know that you will have to take action. God will not do it for you, but may help you, if it's part of His plan for your salvation. You may think this will move you away from Him, but that's up to you. You can hang in there with God and keep the marriage separate from your salvation. 

You say your husband cheated. He has ended the marriage already. You can and should be able to get divorced and not have issues with the church, from what I understand. Don't let it stop you. I know you are afraid. I counselor and a lawyer can help you. Fear is caused by a lack of knowledge. Get some information on how to protect yourself. 

Please see a lawyer and a counselor. Ask family to help. They know something you don't see. Yeah, it's scary as hell. You can make it. You can get educated in what you can do for yourself. Take the time and make the effort.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

In my experience God usually answers my needs more than my wants. Gods will, not mine be done.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Your husband is treating you like dirt! *You are God’s daughter and no one should be using you for a door mat*. Start transferring your love for your husband to God because you can depend on Him to keep His promises and build you up. Your husband is doing nothing but tearing you down. Do not cling to a person that has rejected God and is abusing you. You need to be built up as you are compromising your self because you are desperate. 

Read First Samuel chapter 25. Although that story is not a direct comparison to your situation it has some lessons for you. Abigail’s husband Nabal was a wicked man that thought only of himself. Even Abigail stated that he was wicked and she had the wisdom to know that obeying God and trusting in God would give her the opportunity to request that she be remembered when God’s blessings were given to the man that was opposite of Nabal the wicked. After Nabal’s drunken party God killed Nabal and blessed Abigail. Abigail was then married to a Godly man.

Your husband is only thinking of himself and rejects God’s ways. *Do you have the wisdom to turn from your harmful selfish husband and turn towards God?* Your husband is harming you and God will bless you when you turn to Him and make Him number one


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## RonHanh (Feb 13, 2013)

Hi, I applaud you for standing for your marriage and the vows you took when you married him. Remember when you said you would take him to be your husband for better or for worse? This is where the rubber meets the road. You have an opportunity now to demonstrate to your husband and those around you what it means to be in a Christian marriage. You have a long and difficult road ahead but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Your marriage can be saved and it can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience, but you have to do it God's way. Don't listen to people if they contradict Scripture. Google "rejoice marriage ministries" for inspiration on this journey. "Focus on the family" is also a good resource. Lean on your faith and have hope during this difficult time.


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## RonHanh (Feb 13, 2013)

By the way, I too, am married to a non-believer. With the help of the resources I mentioned I am leading by example and showing her what it means to live a God-centered life. God has blessed me with feelings of peace and love for my wife even during times when she is treating me in unloving ways. I have hope that my life will inspire her to seek God for herself. It's often the case that when our spouse deserves our love the least is when they need it the most.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

For clarity, is he a professing Christian?

What was done to hold him accountable for his unloving acts of adultery?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*More often than not, it usually takes some near catastrophic event of a gargantuan proportion to befall the person who is the unbeliever, to have them come to see any semblance of the light. It's either that, or their brain will have to "kick-in" after having surveyed the beauty of this world that God has so lovingly provided for us, as His children.

But what simply perplexes me more than anything else is why so many believers are the ones who end up subscribing to cheating solely through their self-entitled notions, thereby helping to lay waste to marriages and families, solely to gain from their prurient earthly pleasures!*


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Please read 1 Corinthians 7:15 and know that our Father is a sovereign God.

Surely He, most merciful and high, can save this marriage, but consider that maybe you are being called to peace.

You belong to the Lord, not the world. You are loved and valued just as you are now; unconditionally and forever. The love you have now says you are so worthy that the Son of Man willingly died for your sins. 

Forgiveness is a tenet of Christianity, but there is a scriptural remedy for infidelity. Your husband seems unwilling to accept forgiveness, show godly sorrow, and repent his ways. He's told you that. I would believe him. 

I'll pray for your heartache and sorrow, and I hope that you discern how best to follow God's will.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> For clarity, is he a professing Christian?
> 
> What was done to hold him accountable for his unloving acts of adultery?


And just some thoughts that have rolled around in my brain since reading this thread this morning....

He says "you deserve better than me".. He is right. You do. and you need to agree with him here. His behavior is very unloving. And the first thing you need to tell him is "you are right, I do!"

If he as a non-believer wants to walk, the Bible says let it be so Darlin.' You are not bound to such a bond and calls you to peace. If he wants to stay, he is sanctified through you.

Do y'all have kids?


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I admire your big heart and forgiveness too. How many years have your been married?
My prayers are with you. I have been in your place too. Unfortunately he is not a beiever and although I am, I have ended up praying to God for his will to be made after 1 year and 5 months of separation.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *More often than not, it usually takes some near catastrophic event of a gargantuan proportion to befall the person who is the unbeliever, to have them come to see any semblance of the light. It's either that, or their brain will have to "kick-in" after having surveyed the beauty of this world that God has so lovingly provided for us, as His children.
> 
> But what simply perplexes me more than anything else is why so many believers are the ones who end up subscribing to cheating solely through their self-entitled notions, thereby helping to lay waste to marriages and families, solely to gain from their prurient earthly pleasures!*


Truth and I feel part of this picture is church discipline is broken.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Update?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I prayed for ya girl. Just make sure you seek Gods will in this.

I've seen worse situations make a recovery but be at peace. If God wants you to stay in this marriage, He will give you peace and strength during all the crap your husband is pulling.

If He told you to stay then be comforted in Him.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Chelsie, 

You asked for book recommendations; I suggest reading the Bible. You will find the answers you seek. 

I believe in marriage as stingily as you do but I wouldn't say I don't believe in divorce. 

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 

When my wife and I started having serious problems I prayed that God would heal our marriage and that we'd stay together. She stayed but we were miserable and fought all the time. 

Then, feeling defeated, I began praying that Gods will be done. A few weeks later, she said she wanted a divorce. 

It was painful no doubt. 

We were divorced last August. 

Since then, my relationship with God and my children have flourished. I've met an amazing Christian woman. I'm happier and life is looking better than it has in years. 

Surrender to God. He wants you to be happy and He has a plan for you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

41And he was withdrawn from them about a stone's cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, 42Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. 43And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 44And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. 

Luke 22 KJV


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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

Through my own S/D I have been praying more than I think I ever have. At first it was that we could get this figured out. Then it was should we get divorced. Then it was I hope we can get along. Then I wish we could get back together and get our family back together. Now it's peace. Peace. Peace. Peace.

Ask for peace. Ask for understanding. Give up control. Talk to your pastor or mentor if you have one. Giving up control, obviously easier said than done. I am nowhere near being able to do that, but I consciously try to every day, and you can too. Ask for guidance to figure out what you actually want. Do what you can to make it work with your husband, if he's not having it, what else can you do? Would you expect him to stay around if you consistently told him that you didn't want to be together? Not telling you one way or the other is right, but something to think about.


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