# Was I wrong?



## truth hurts truth frees (Nov 14, 2013)

I am not married and i guess never will be. My gf did the same cheating routine .. phase by phase.. Beat up the other guy.. almost took out his eye.. 
And i realised later if there is no trust there is no relationship.. We are scared of ending a relationship, no matter how painful for the fear of loneliness. Trying to keep a relationship alive without trust is the worst you can do to yourself . "No matter how you mend broken glass cracks would show." I ended the relationship two years ago. Ex gf got married and guess what, tried to cheat on her husband with me. But when I look at her I feel only revulsion. Informed her husband and changed my number. 
Only thing that has been gnawing at me is - did I rob that man from a chance of a happy life?


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

How would you have robbed him of a happy life? If he chose to divorce her, that is his decision. If however, he confronted her, they went to counseling for her issues, and lived happily ever after, then no, you did not rob him of a happy life.

Edit-Either way, he deserved to know, and she needed to be confronted with her behavior.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Um... No. He married a serial cheater. They've been married what... like a year? And she's trying to cheat during the honeymoon phase? Doesn't at all sound like she'd be someone worth spending your life on when she continues to do this. You saved him a lot of heart break.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

No of course you didn't. You did him a favor. You gave him the gift of knowing who is wife is.You gave him the gift to choose whether to R or not. 

And you did her a favor, if it causes her to re-examine her morals and make a positive change.


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## truth hurts truth frees (Nov 14, 2013)

Thanks for replying guys. I have severe trust issues now with women. I am almost the me again.. almost until it starts getting serious. I get distant and cold. I now conduct background checks on women who show interest in me and 50% are either married or in a relationship. I work in the media. Am I a cheater magnet?


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

truth hurts said:


> did I rob that man from a chance of a happy life?


No. You did the right thing. It is better that her husband knows what's going on. Now they can both face the issues that may be creating discord. Or if one person is the only instigator than that person can face his/her issues.

The thing that should be gnawing at you is that you were so enraged about a GF (not a wife) cheating on you that you almost took some guy's eye out?

Anger management therapy might be helpful going forward. 

You could end up in jail or you could meet someone who is even angrier and tougher than you and you might lose an eye or worse.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you ever read NMMNG or MMSLP?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

truth hurts said:


> Am I a cheater magnet?


Not enough evidence to suggest that based on having one girlfriend cheat on you. But it is fair to say that certain male personality traits increase the odds.

If you want to know more about that; read "A Married Man's Sex Life Primer". (It's not about sex).

Edit: You beat me to it turnera.


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## truth hurts truth frees (Nov 14, 2013)

I am 30 and have never resorted to violence before that incident .. I trained as a boxer in my youth(i count as old now, right) and know the black and blue bruises fists can cause.. I guess working late night shift and coming home to see my ex gf and her lover entwined on the bed made me go ballistic..


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

If you must, keep doing the background checks, because in your next relationship, you want her to be unattached.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

truth hurts said:


> I now conduct background checks on women who show interest in me and 50% are either married or in a relationship. I work in the media. Am I a cheater magnet?


Sucks doesn't it. Entitlement. They feel they deserve and are entitled to better and look to constantly trade up it seems.


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## truth hurts truth frees (Nov 14, 2013)

badcompany, same sentiments here. There are really nice women out there - they reserve their love only for their husbands. But we come into contact with the manipulative ones because they are more visible in the crowd.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

badcompany said:


> Sucks doesn't it. Entitlement. They feel they deserve and are entitled to better and look to constantly trade up it seems.


I like this point, and agree with it. Most women I have talked to share this view. They also accept it more easily (generally) when a man rejects them for a younger, skinnier, prettier woman.

Not a bash on women. Just a different reality than the one we have often heard about their devotion to the ones they "love."

We often hear the opposite about men. Men are afraid of committment, men are shallow, etc. We also hear that men have fragile egos, and can't deal with betrayal. We see a numbers thing here at TAM that suggests men are more likely to struggle with the outcome of infidelity.

Generalities for sure. I think we are in a cultural swing that seems to have pushed men into a small dark corner. Do NOT act like a victim, but realize that the deck is not stacked in your favor for finding a "great" woman. I would agree that they are there, but there are also plenty of sharks with the fish.

I would also think that the "hotties" are usually more trouble than they are worth. Women learn early that they can use charm and sex to get what they want.


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## truth hurts truth frees (Nov 14, 2013)

Lovemytruck: What you wrote is definitely true. Otherwise I or most of the guys won't be on this forum. It is easier to talk for men about emo issues when anonymous. Lets face it: who likes a crying sentimental guy? You might pity him but would you respect him?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If you came home and saw them together in your bed then clearly she wanted to get caught by you. How sick is that?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You didn't rob anyone of anything. She did her best to rob you of your dignity. 

You are actually blessed. Imagine being married to her now. She'd still be doing the same thing. A ring doesn't change that behavior.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

> Only thing that has been gnawing at me is - did I rob that man from a chance of a happy life?


Nope, he had a right to know the sort of woman he married. If anything, you did them both a favor. If he chose to believe you perhaps they are both in counseling and resolving their issues. If not, maybe it gave the woman the cold shower she needed to know that cheating deeply hurts and leaves scars in a person's psyche. 



> I like this point, and agree with it. Most women I have talked to share this view. They also accept it more easily (generally) when a man rejects them for a younger, skinnier, prettier woman


Not me!!!! I don't want my ex's new woman to be prettier or younger or skinner or smarter or anything better than me!! Haha, it is my ego talking I know. The women my ex had EA with, I feel only one was better looking than I am. This sucked balls.
I have actually seen some of the new women he is courting and they are prettier than me 

It also sucks big time....


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

ne9907 said:


> Not me!!!! I don't want my ex's new woman to be prettier or younger or skinner or smarter or anything better than me!! Haha, it is my ego talking I know. The women my ex had EA with, I feel only one was better looking than I am. This sucked balls.
> I have actually seen some of the new women he is courting and they are prettier than me
> 
> It also sucks big time....


Bahhhh, that is some self pity crap... Knock that off. There are huge differences in adult males and men. An adult male may look at a prettier younger girl and say oooohhhhhh... A man will realize what he has. A man will look at his wife and he won't see the wrinkles, the grey hairs or the slightly out of shape body. He will see the woman he married, the promise of what she is meant to be, and the beauty that she truly is because they were put on this earth for one another. There is nothing more beautiful than knowing you will be holding that woman's hand when she is 80 years old and you will remember her for the times she was with you when things were hard and when they weren't. No body else in the world can compete with the beauty of the woman you choose to be your wife.

---unless she has an affair, rips your heart out and destroys you life for a time, well then yeah, she's not that beautiful...  ---

You were unlucky. You thought you married a man. He was just an adult male.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

truth hurts said:


> I am not married and i guess never will be. My gf did the same cheating routine .. phase by phase.. Beat up the other guy.. almost took out his eye..
> And i realised later if there is no trust there is no relationship.. We are scared of ending a relationship, no matter how painful for the fear of loneliness. Trying to keep a relationship alive without trust is the worst you can do to yourself . "No matter how you mend broken glass cracks would show." I ended the relationship two years ago. Ex gf got married and guess what, tried to cheat on her husband with me. But when I look at her I feel only revulsion. Informed her husband and changed my number.
> Only thing that has been gnawing at me is - did I rob that man from a chance of a happy life?


No. People really want the truth so they don't feel like they are living a lie. You did not make her do what she did. She chose that. You were right to tell her husband. He still has a chance for happiness. I doubt with her though.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

truth hurts said:


> I am 30 and have never resorted to violence before that incident .. I trained as a boxer in my youth(i count as old now, right) and know the black and blue bruises fists can cause.. I guess working late night shift and coming home to see my ex gf and her lover entwined on the bed made me go ballistic..


Trust me on this ... you are not old.


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## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> Nope, he had a right to know the sort of woman he married. If anything, you did them both a favor. If he chose to believe you perhaps they are both in counseling and resolving their issues. If not, maybe it gave the woman the cold shower she needed to know that cheating deeply hurts and leaves scars in a person's psyche.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Dearie, if your profile pic is you , you got nothing to be ashamed of.
Just saying....


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