# Married but now without challenge.



## kjblue (Oct 27, 2019)

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm from Saginaw, MI and have been married for 23 years. It seems that as of lately, my wife and I have had many good relationship days, but it only takes one little argument to set us off, or literally ruin a night. I'd like to say that we've had a lot of experience at dealing with these issues, but for me, when it hits, it hits hard. It seems like my wife is one who can brush things aside easier than I can. An argument that has happened can seem to be okay and brushed aside with her, while I'm still thinking about this a couple of days later. We are church goers and generally believe the teachings of the Bible. I guess that just goes to show you, that even we as Christians struggle. I'm just venting here as usually we're fine together, but last night we had an argument, and it's really affecting me today.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

I suspect that your situation is present, to some degree, in many relationships. When, as we occasionally do, we fall out my partner of twenty-five years can really "lose it" - yet she can behave ten minutes later as though nothing had happened. And yes - I remember what was said for a day or three.

I've come to the conclusion that our relationship has thrived due to our differing personalities and abilities - she can carry a colour for months but needs me to find the car after we've made a purchase (always successfully) based on her ability. Provided I don't try to influence "our" colour choice and she doesn't insist on looking for the car in an alternate location all works well. I've come to the conclusion (though it may merely be a cop-out) that it is unreasonable to expect our personalities to differ only when it suits me.

So, unless your disagreements are about fundamental behaviour within the relationship, I'd suggest you try to concentrate on the positives when the negatives seem pre-eminent.

FWIW - I doubt your Christianity is relevant - we're atheists and we have had our moments.>


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, don't let this argument fester in you or you will start being resentful.
CALMLY sit down and TALK WITH her (not TO HER). Try to make sure your phrasing isn't such that she immediately becomes defensive.
IF it's bothering you this much after so long, you REALLY need to talk it out.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Have you always been like this, or did it gradually or suddenly come about?

If you didn't used to be this way, and now are, I suspect that you have resentment or are just plain tired of the same old things. (I am a Christian too, BTW.) Christians are humans, with the exact feelings, strengths and weaknesses as non Christians. We have Christ, who forgives us our sins, but I have yet to experience the Holy Spirit removing my faults from me. Even Paul had the "thorn in his side" that he couldn't overcome.

You will need to bring the issues that bother you out into the open, and discuss them with your wife. Brushing things under the rug doesn't make them go away, it just temporarily hides them. They need to be dealt with, stopped, cleaned up, etc. so they don't resurface at a later date.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Remember you became a Christian because you acknowledged you need a savior not to become perfect. 

As for you and your wife, you should get some marriage counseling to learn how to disagree better. Remember you argue to solve disagreements not to win. If you are trying to win you are doing it wrong.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Agreed, we all face challenges in our marriages.

For us, we do pretty much immediately discuss the problem thru to resolution, the fight we are having, very quickly after it happens. Definitely same day. Attempting to not “go to bed mad”. 

It really works for us for two reasons.

1. We both are communicators and we talk a lot. 
2. We are both happy people and when the new day begins, neither of us ever want to lug in that stupid problem from yesterday. We just leave the crap behind that, because this new day will have its own anxieties.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Find a good marriage course and go on it.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

kjblue, a couple of days is NOT ok. It kills the marriage over time.

If this is a repeating issue, sit down to discuss or get counselling.

You need some help learning to let go. For the sake of your marriage


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