# update after the finding of my husband's affair



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Well as some of you might remember I found out my hubby had an affair with a girl at work for a 3 month period....
When I found out he said he didn't love me anymore and that he has feelings for her......I was devastated to say the least we have been together 26 years. I said okay if you are not happy, let's make our deal and you can move on with her like you want....we signed the separation agreement, I went to the bank and opened all new accounts and got my own credit card and line of credit.....now we are separated in every sense the deal says he is to find somewhere else to live(I'm buying him out and staying in the house)
He has stalled the looking for new housing since Jan 1st, always some excuse.....
I booked a trip to Florida for the month of March and he ask if he could go so we could talk about things, I said he could, we had a great time together, walking the beach, golfing, going out for drinks/dinner......He told me he made a mistake and wish he could turn back the hands of time, he said he is in love with me and doesn't want our marriage/family to change.....
The problem is he works with the OW, I have told him I won't tolerate any kind of relationship with her and that he would have to be the kind of man I can trust and believe in....
He has agreed to all this and to going to MC as well.....
We are apart now for 3 weeks and I'm thinking about what to do, I don't want the marriage to end, never did....
But there are so many things now to deal with because of it...I feel scared and I do a lot of questioning about him and me.....
How did you get through this kind of situation I know there are others where the OW still works with the husband/wife......
any help would be appreciated.....


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## PastorBob (Mar 16, 2010)

I am very impressed with the way you are handling this difficult situation. I commend you. You correctly "heard" his words about not feeling "in love" with you any longer as "being unhappy". Your actions to stand on your own are courageous without being unloving. Your willingness to go to Florida and share a good trip shows him you are willing to move forward. You made the correct limits on his relationship with the OW in any way, no matter what the consequences might be.
Now you wait. Your husband must make the right choices for you to move forward. I have seen many couples make their marriages much stronger after a problem like you face. Keep hope alive. You have 26 years of history. You have done the right things. Time is on your side.
Pastor Bob


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I agree with Pastor Bob-you are doing a great job in handling this situation-much better than I probably would do.
It seems as though he now realizes what a big mistake he made, and how much he loves you and doesn't want to lose you.
Whether you two actually get back together or not, you seem to be getting on with your life and that's so important.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Make sure he signs a prenup or postnup if you get back together, for the next time he cheats, so he gets nothing.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

paster bob, 
thank you so much for validating my thinking on this situation, I don't want to lose my husband but I want to be smart and make the reasons why he stays for the right reasons.....I have taken my time showing him my qualities and making him question why he gave up on us.....I'm prepared for the worst emotionally but hoping he will come through with the decision and go back to the man he used to be and the man I believed in all the years we have been together.......I have just had a feeling that what he said in the beginning when I found out about the affair wasn't how he truly felt.....he would have walked away when I found out, he didn't fight me on the financial stuff, it was like he was sort of making sure our lives stayed in tact......I have explained that I take my responsibility in the marriage breakdown and that I wouldn't continue any of the same things.
I'm hoping that we can get to what you say, better than we have ever been, I figure we have hit rock bottom, time to fix and really make things better for both of us.......
thanks for your support


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

happy at last,
thanks for your support,
I don't know if we will get back together but I will know that I did everything in my power to change things and show him what our lives could be.....
Only he can decide what path he will take and you can't make someone love you if they decide not to. 
Nor would you want them to. 
I'm prepared for whatever happens.....
I have faith in what we had and holding on to any anger doesn't do either of us any good........


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