# Military spouse issues



## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

So... this is my first time with this.

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and are in what you would call a "situation".

I'll do what i can to make this short so bear with me.

This is our 2nd deployment together this year; the first one was back on 2006. She has been great for the first deployment and the 6 months of our second this year. We have a child together and i pay for her to go to grad school so she isn’t bored all the time. 

Here is the situation.

I was on the phone with her about 10 days ago talking over normal family things. I could tell she wasn’t herself so i asked if she was OK. She says yes and we leave it at that until there was a long pos in the conversation over me starting school, and she says no, everything is not ok. I begin to sound concerned and ask what was on her mind. At first she was very hesitant to tell me, i pretty much told her that i couldn’t get off the phone without knowing what was keeping her down. She said that it was tough for her to talk about and the only one she would talk about it with is her friend, we'll call her Corie. I tell her now she has to tell me. So she starts giving me what i ask for.

She begins to tell me that she has never been herself around me, like she has been acting the part of a wife and good mom but secretly has wanted to have a secret life outside of ours. Nothing sexual i don't think. I say ok that could be something that someone would want to do kind of like the lead character in Mr. Brooks. I'm sure you all have seen it. She than begins to tell me that she want to have sex to snuff films and would hold back her orgasm till the end where they murder the person. Now I’m kind of getting this odd vibe from this conversation. I pretend to act like i want those things but never have discussed those with her because i didn’t know how she felt, now i know. She then tells me that her friend corie, has been pleasing her while i am not there. I was never ok with this and only joked with her about collage story’s and what she has done there. I am a little upset to find this out 7 years into my life with her 8000 miles away. 

My main concern is how this is going to affect the longevity of our marriage. Is this the begging of the end to it or can these things be fixed and worked on. I am in need of some help here. 

If you have some advice please don't hold out on me.

SGT in the Army


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## workitout (Jan 24, 2012)

If you both want it to work, and you can get over any distrust she has earned, then there is no reason that you can't work through it.

You should probably get in touch with military one source, and put her in touch with your family support center. You can get free counseling online, while you're deployed, and she'll have the opportunity for one on one counseling.

Personally, while her fantasy is certainly not my fantasy, it really isn't harmful unless it bothers you. Her being serviced by her friend is a whole other issue.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I'm confused. Are you saying that your wife is gay?


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## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

workitout- Thanks for the advice, only time can tell with that one. 
sothern wife- no she is not gay. she just had a sexual event with her friend because she trusts her and i think she has an emotional connection with her. I do have this small though in the back of my mind like this could be an ongoing thing regardless of my return.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

mattmf01 said:


> workitout- Thanks for the advice, only time can tell with that one.
> sothern wife- no she is not gay. she just had a sexual event with her friend because she trusts her and i think she has an emotional connection with her. I do have this small though in the back of my mind like this could be an ongoing thing regardless of my return.


Yes, it very well could be. Maybe she is bi-sexual. I have emotional connections with my friends, but I don't sleep with them.

And before I forget, THANK YOU for your service to our country! I work for a veteran's org. At any rate, I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish you the best!!


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## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife is having a physical affair with her friend. Could it be the end of your marriage? Yes, affairs often end up breaking up marriages. Your wife could very well develop a deep attachment to her friend which could lead to her losing her attachment to you.

As for the snuff film & sex thing... Are these films in which a person is actually killed? Those do exist. Equating sex with taking someone's life is not a good place go. Fantasies, when acted out often lead to fantasies that go deeper, and in this case darker.


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## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

I see what your talking about with the her having an emotional attachment to her friend and it affecting hers to me. That and me being deployed is only fuel to this fire. anyone have any thoughts as to how i should respond and act when i go on leave in a few weeks?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

mattmf01 said:


> I see what your talking about with the her having an emotional attachment to her friend and it affecting hers to me. That and me being deployed is only fuel to this fire. anyone have any thoughts as to how i should respond and act when i go on leave in a few weeks?


Ask her flat out what she wants in life: to be married to YOU and be YOUR wife? Or go her own way with her friend? Isn't that basically what it comes down to? :scratchhead: Apparently, she can't have it both ways, although she is at this current time. But it's effecting you and you need to let her know that!


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