# is it doomed



## etrocks (Jun 24, 2009)

My dh & I have been married 4 years together 12. We have a great one yr. old ds. It took 2 yrs & lots of fertility treatments to get pregnant. And that's where it starts. We may have sex 
1x a month(his choice) and fight ALL the time. we work opposite schedules so we don't see each other a lot. I feel as if our marriage is doomed. I know having a baby puts stress on everyone but sometimes I can't stand to look at him. I am not sure what I can do on my part to help it out. I do love him, but sometimes I'm not sure if I'm happy with him anymore.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Are you guys stressed about money? what do you fight about?


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## etrocks (Jun 24, 2009)

We don't really fight about money, we fight about everything else. We nitpick each other. I know I'm really bad about telling him how to do things for our ds. but sometimes he doesn't think b4 he does. 
ex. doesn't tighten straps or make sure they're secure on the carseat. this one really bothers me.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

So is your one year old in daycare during the day? I would imagine your lives have become about all work and no play. I think in that situation you will be miserable, and your H is just a sounding board for your misery. Do you do anything fun? anything you enjoy? Does your H?


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## etrocks (Jun 24, 2009)

No my mother watches my ds, and recently I started taking cardio kickboxing. But no we don't do anything fun. We don't have many friends by where we live. Money is an issue(we don't fight about it) you can say my dh is cheap. I have told him that I'm not happy about some things but he didn't seem too interested in it. So I'm not sure what the next step is.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I think you should both get on the same shift. That way you would spend more time together. 

Then loook for some counseling. 

Put each other and the marriage first...not you child. They can be important, but the two of you have to be first in order for you to survive.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Having opposite schedules can destroy a relationship...I know firsthand. Having little ones does not leave much time for each other in the beginning. Our boys will be 2 and 4 in August, and they are FINALLY at the age where they both sleep thru the night, and can be left with the two people we trust with them here and there so we can try to reconnect. 
My H is at home with our boys during the day and works part time on the 3-11 shift. You are going to have to come to terms with the fact that he is NOT going to do things the same as you. Unless its a safety issue with your baby, let it go. My H and I agree on the important parts of parenting, but we definitely don't always do things the same way to get to the end result. But our boys are extremely happy, very smart and articulate, and extremely compassionate. Make time for each other; it doesnt have to cost a fortune...sometimes we wait to have dinner together until after we put the boys to bed...sometimes we take a bath together...but the important part is to make each other a priority as well as your child and your responsibilities.


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