# How well did your children cope with your divorce?



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Mine have not done well. I still have very little to no contact with them. 

I wondered what other people have experienced as far as their relationship with their children?


----------



## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

My daughter (14) seems to be ok. Divorced almost 2 yrs now. She lives with me, sees her dad when he's in town which isn't much.. every 6 weeks or so... (he's a truck driver.) She's had her own cell phone since she 11? i think.. so she calls him, he calls her. I have very little contact with my ex. She lets me know when she'll be going to her dad's.. She's getting very good grades in school...seems to be otherwise content at home with me.

I guess he plans to move 2000+miles away later this month. Supposedly he will fly her down there for vacations/summer. We'll see how she does then.


----------



## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

I have sole custody. 

My daughter, at a year and a half... When she wakes up and I'm already gone to work, she wants my sitter to show her every room in the house, under the couch, in the cabinets, etc. to find me just in case I'm hiding from her. Then comes the "where's my daddy?" and the "I miss daddy." So she gets to call me at work a couple times a day. She never asks about BM, and that saddens me a bit.

My son, 8 in 2 weeks, is still holding out hope that BM and I will get back together. He overheard the D word a couple weeks ago. Oh man. What a conversation that was. But the less contact he has with BM, the better he is. 

Apparently even with my mountains of evidence that visitation is bad for the childrens' well being, the judge is being.. _uncooperative._


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Ex and I have been separated for almost 3 years, we have a 2 week rotation with the kids (D8 // S6). I'd like to say that the kids have coped rather well. Teachers, daycare and people who see them in general all say good things about them.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Ok so far. Although they don't know the reason (infidelity) is the reason I left thier mom. They will one day when they are older. It's hard yet to say what long term problems they will have. My guess would be they will be very skeptical of marriage and rightfully so


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Seems like they do better at young ages. My kids were 7 and 4 and they adjusted pretty quick because they didn't grasp it completely.

If your kids are older then daily phone conversations will go a long way for them. If they think you're not available to them then separation anxiety will haunt them into adulthood.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

My daughter was not quite three when her dad and I split. She coped really well after a period of adjustment in the first year. She is 18 now, and on more than one occasion has thanked me for not staying with her dad, because she can barely stand being with him.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is a work in progress and will always be IME of being a child of divorce.

Ours are all doing pretty well, still excelling in school, socially, sports etc.
We do 50/50 shared care and have a very amicable situation.

What worked for us was not arguing in front of kids. Making sure they have 2 homes with everything they need at both. The only things they take from house to house are laptops, phones, ipads etc.

We both attend all school, sports and some family functions together. We have Christmas, birthdays as a family (including new partners). I have always told them we are still a family but just a different version now.

It is a slow process with much reassuring, love, hugs and discussion. Sadly their dad is not a good communicator so they have all come to me at times with issues their dad could have handled but the kids are not comfortable talking to him about personal type issues. When this happens I keep reassuring them he loves them and is there for them, they still insist on deferring to me so I just have to be there for them.

Our youngest is about to do some counselling, issues with friendships as well as the divorce, she still hopes her dad and I get back together even after 5 years. She has a wonderful relationship with my partner but I think because her dad and I get along well she still has a secret hope. That is the downside of being amicable but ultimately worth it.


----------



## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I have 3 kids. 

I take them to therapy every chance I get. The two older boys (13 and 11) have mild depression due to the divorce. Mom refuses to take them but that's her right. 

They get along great with my GF. D8 snuggles in bed with her. Asks her to brush her hair after showers. I think that, as much as they love GF, they wish we were all back together. Then they -usually the oldest - will say something condescending about their mom and I realize they have issues over there. 

Indie, what are you seeing? What makes you say they aren't doing well? Are they seeing a therapist?


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Our son is 14. He was 13 when his father and I divorced. He's handled it exceptionally well. He is aware that our divorce was a result of his father's infidelity, but doesn't know specific details of that. My ex-husband and I had an almost comically amicable divorce. 

My son told me once that, except for moving into a new house, nothing in our (meaning mine and his) day-to-day life really changed when his Daddy and I got divorced. He's also told me more than once that he spends more actual time with his Daddy since our divorce than he did when we all lived together. He's correct on both counts. My ex-husband has always been, at best, a somewhat haphazard parent.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Out 2 DD are handling it all pretty well. They both have kept up grades in school, have sweet friends, and not behavior problems. Our household is considerably less stressful since the ex left. They are both aware of his infidelity, one discovered it herself, one was told after a huge fight with ex and her sister. 

The younger (now 13) has some issues handling change. They remain very stressful for her. Its hard to tell how much is related to the divorce and how much is just her. The older one went to counseling for a month after discovering her father's infidelity and then said it was pointless. Since the counselor indicated she was handling and processing everything very well we stopped. The younger one absolutely refuses to go.

They have almost no contact with their dad-its his choice. An occasional text is about as much as they get. He does not call and does not maintain any visitation. Last year he saw them 1 day (and he slept through most of that!).


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We split when our son was 13. It's now 15 years later, and he has done exceptionally well: fantastic job at a great company, and a long term stable relationship (they had some glitches but identified them, sought help, and successfully worked through them - they're now better than ever).

The first few years of separation were hard, of course, dealing with the visitation schedule and all, but he handled it quite well - and he got to see the example of a far healthier and happier relationship with my new SO.


----------



## antechomai (Oct 4, 2013)

I could write a wall of text here. 
I have three daughters and two stepdaughters and three son in laws. Every single one has divorced parents.

My daughters didn't seem to have any issues when they were in grade school/high school, but they all crashed at some point when grown and away from home.

Now I'll rant: No I won't


----------



## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Divorced for about 20 months now. My D8 lives with me solely. Her mom moved about 6 months ago and she hasn't seen her since. She's doing alright, and we're doing the best we can with the situation given, but I still feel sad that she doesn't get to have the "normal" childhood (oh and that her mother went bat**** crazy).


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Seems like they do better at young ages. My kids were 7 and 4 and they adjusted pretty quick because they didn't grasp it completely.
> 
> If your kids are older then daily phone conversations will go a long way for them. If they think you're not available to them then separation anxiety will haunt them into adulthood.


Would have to agree. My x left when my youngest was 1. She has no memory of us ever living together. My oldest does remember


----------

