# Ladies - some advice or thoughts please



## Keen2learn (Mar 29, 2015)

Hi, new to the forum & would like some thoughts from women.
I am a 49yo guy who divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Several years later i consider myself very lucky to have met a great woman, also divorced. We get on great (have been together 3 yrs) but I find myself feeling a vague discomfort about our sex life. I had a couple of sexual partners before my marriage and several after my divorce but all were short term. I got to know my ex-wife's sexual likes and needs pretty well and was pretty confident that i could keep her happy in that department. 
However, my current GF has quite different needs and I find myself a bit lost sometimes, as to how to satisfy her. She is definitely not sexually inhibited, but doesn't seem to get much out of oral sex (which I used to love to give, but get virtually no reaction from her). She seems to need very rough stimulation to reach orgasm and hands and rough intercourse will sometimes get her there.
I have mentioned my concerns although I never pressure her, and she assures me that she isn't frustrated even though she quite often won't orgasm.
I guess it sometimes leaves me feeling selfish, which reduces my enjoyment. I have no problem talking about sex openly but she doesn't seem comfortable and quickly changes the subject. I hate the thought of her being unsatisfied but too nice to tell me, or afraid I'll be offended if she says I need to do things a little differently.
Apologies for the long post, would love some feedback from a female perspective. Thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

"I hate the thought of her being unsatisfied but too nice to tell me, or afraid I'll be offended if she says I need to do things a little differently."

Tell her that.

Have you considered trying some kind of toy (vibrator) since she seems to need to harder/more-intense stimulation?

Are you sure that she's orgasming with intercourse? Only about 25% of women can do this.


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## Keen2learn (Mar 29, 2015)

Thanks for taking the time to reply, EleGirl.
Yes I have tried to let her know how I feel and have told her I'd love her to guide me a bit as to what she likes but she shuts me down and says what I'm doing is fine. She orgasms with intercourse, now and then, sometimes with a bit of help from her fingers. She's the only woman I've met who isn't into oral sex.
As for the vibrator, she had one when I met her but says she doesn't really like the hard plastic feel and prefers the real thing, so I recently bought her a wee-vibe, which had lots of good online reviews, but she was fairly unimpressed with it, said it didn't stimulate her enough. I know many ppl on here have far worse problems but it is frustrating, feeling like I need to lift my game a bit but not being given much feedback to work with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe you need to take her word for it. She says that she is happy with your sex life. Maybe she really is.

IF she does not like getting oral, then she does not like it. That's who she is. 

What you are doing is comparing her to other women. It's not a good thing to do. Learn to accept her as she is.

Just let her know that if there is anything you can do differently for her to please let you know because to you, pleasing her important.


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## Keen2learn (Mar 29, 2015)

Wise words. EleGirl. Cheers.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I think you need to take her word for it, too. 

Is she, by chance, on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds? Those meds have that effect on me....and I'd have the same thoughts/reassurance to you as your GF.....


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Keen2learn said:


> she assures me that she isn't frustrated even though she quite often won't orgasm.


Believe her. For some women, it's just not a huge importance. I'm the same way. Sure, it's nice, but I don't have to get there every time, even much of the time. Doesn't bother me in the least. Sex still feels fabulous w/out my O.


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## LastsGal (Jul 18, 2009)

I can promise she's not the only girl who isn't into oral sex. I'm kind of meh about it myself. I've orgasmed that way, but it's not my favorite path to getting there. First, it's too passive for my taste. Could be for your lady, too. Second, she may need both clitoral stimulation and penetration simultaneously in order to climax. She may not even know what she needs. If she's always been a sometimes orgasm-er, then she might not realize there's a way to get there every time. She might also be telling the truth that it doesn't bother her if she doesn't. Most women are a bit nutty in the sex department, I think. If the enjoy it or talk about it too much, they feel like women of the night. Obviously, I don't have that problem. Haha


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm another one who really never cared about oral sex.. I let him do it cause he loves it, only got there 2 times -ever.. and toys.. Nope.. not interested... as your GF is saying.. want the real thing. 

My H is like you.. he will feel selfish if I didn't orgasm.... Plenty of women don't need one every time.. 

I guess it's difficult if she is changing the subject when you are seeking open the subject up.... what else can you do but ask , seek & knock to open this door to her erotic desires, what will enhance her experience..... showing you are willing to be make it happen any way she likes. ... you've offered.... what more can a woman ask for ? 

I guess it's on her if she's not willing to take you on...and offer some ideas to engage you.. for your mutual pleasure... You could get a sex game ...like this...  Discover Your Lover Board Game  .. could open up some new ideas as you go through the cards, and intimate actions.. the questions/ answers .....


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