# Lost and Lonely



## 4EverHope (Dec 4, 2008)

Hello,
This is all new to me, hoping to see if I can get some advice on my marriage. I’ve been marriage 8 years, together 13. We have a 7 yrs. old son. Before we were married he cheated, I found out and I left. Next thing you know he was back, telling me how sorry he was and that he was wrong. We got married and had our son. Now throughout our marriage, there were a lot of fights and disagreements. He has been unfaithful many more times and I am still here with him. I do everything around the house; I take our son to all his baseball and soccer practices. He has health coverage because of me; I make sure all his credit card payments are paid on time. I do everything! Another issue we have is that we have sex 1x a month. I am thinking he’s cheating again. Okay, we all have stress in our lives, but 1x a month, come on. I know that I do not love him like the way I used to love him and I think he feels the same way. He does not want a divorce or even a separation. I am tired of all this. I want more children and bigger and better things for my son and me. We talk about our issues and he said things will change; it just takes time…HOW LONG?
No matter how many times he hurts me or lies to me, I am always that good wife. I have never been unfaithful to him because I will not let him know how much that hurts a person. I know that I am too good for him and that no other woman will deal with crap for all these years. I feel so lonely that I cry at night without him knowing. I feel like I am wasting my time, just sitting around hoping that things will get better. Sorry if my story is all over the place.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

What are the core reasons you stay in this marriage?


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Does your husband have any redeeming qualities? What made you fall in love with him?


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## 4EverHope (Dec 4, 2008)

I think I stay with my husband because of my son. And I am afraid, not knowing what's going to happened. 
I loved my husband very much, he was sweet and help around alot. We did everything together but slowly it change and I started to do everything myself or with my son. It's like he takes me for granted and that I will always be around. He's not the same man I felt in love with and I know I have change too.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my first H had many affairs (got rid of him) as soon as i found out.
second H after 13 yrs had One night stand in april - thats bad enough at times.
but why do you keep allowing it to happen?
he doesnt want to leave or have a separation because your a comfort zone. 
but as soon as he leaves that front door, he has his life doing what he wants. yet you remain faithful but you dont want him or love him.
ok i admit im not in love with my H , but were both trying to salvage our marriage.
the trouble is here - you are a good wife.
i understand that very well . 
can you not go out with girlfriends and have some fun. 
stop thinking about him and find yourself again.
its hard feeling like a married woman but being a single parent in that marriage. its tiring. if he wants to try its not how long, its he should start now to build bridges.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

4EverHope said:


> I think I stay with my husband because of my son. And I am afraid, not knowing what's going to happened..... It's like he takes me for granted and that I will always be around. He's not the same man I felt in love with and I know I have change too.


Yes he is taking you for granted and has stopped showing you support or respect.

He cheats on you
He lies to you
He doesn’t help you around the house
He doesn’t fulfill his duties as a father
He doesn’t fulfill you sexually


Since it sounds like you’ve spent a fair amount of time discussing the issues and he is not making any changes it may be time for some shock therapy. Put your foot down and set the ground rules. Make sure he understands you are serious. He acts this way because he knows he can get away with it. If he is not willing to put an honest and sustained effort into this why would you stay in the marriage. And what kind of example is he setting for his son. He will grow up thinking a wife is nothing more than a door mat. Give your marriage another shot but be ready to divorce if he won’t change. That is no way to live your life. Good luck.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

4EverHope said:


> I think I stay with my husband because of my son. And I am afraid, not knowing what's going to happened.
> I loved my husband very much, he was sweet and help around alot. We did everything together but slowly it change and I started to do everything myself or with my son. It's like he takes me for granted and that I will always be around. He's not the same man I felt in love with and I know I have change too.


So it is comforting to stay with him. It is a security issue. It does sound like he takes you for granted and you have to be very careful not to become his doormat. He gets to have his cake and eat it to because you have not stood up for yourself. It is time to love yourself and know that you do not have to deal with this. I would call a marriage counselor asap and tell him that you both need to go. Yes, you both have changed. You probably now resent him and are questioning why you have dealt with this up to this point. You must be very careful and not play the martyr hear as well. Yes, you sound like a great wife and mother, but happiness has to come from within yourself and that is why I encourage you to find. Do what makes you happy. Get out with your girlfriends or take up a new hobby and start doing things for yourself. Get into counseling for yourself and your marriage. That way you can begin to love you again!


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## 4EverHope (Dec 4, 2008)

hi justean,
i have 1 friend that i go out with and he has issues with that. when i get too dressed up, he questions where i am going, who's going to be there. it's crazy
believe it or not, no body knows about my problems with my husband. i am not the type to tell people my business. my mom doesn't even know but his mom does. she tells me to leave him, he will not survive without you.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

4EverHope said:


> hi justean,
> i have 1 friend that i go out with and he has issues with that. when i get too dressed up, he questions where i am going, who's going to be there. it's crazy
> believe it or not, no body knows about my problems with my husband. i am not the type to tell people my business. my mom doesn't even know but his mom does. she tells me to leave him, he will not survive without you.


His own mom is telling you to leave him? How is his relationship with his parents?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

4EverHope said:


> hi justean,
> i have 1 friend that i go out with and he has issues with that. when i get too dressed up, he questions where i am going, who's going to be there. it's crazy


He most likely acts this way because he knows when he goes out he's doing exactly what he fears you may do.

I agree that you need to stand up for yourself and be serious about what you expect from your marriage to him. He needs a serious wake-up call...giving it time as he says will do nothing if he doesn't take action to change.


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## 4EverHope (Dec 4, 2008)

his parents divorce when he was 12, he was very close with his family. slowly he began to change with them too. he avoid their phone calls and he hardly calls them. his mom knows alot about our marriage. she believe that he will not change until something serious happens and wakes him up.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

4EverHope said:


> his mom knows alot about our marriage. she believe that he will not change until something happenes and wakes him up.


Sounds like everyone is pointing you in the same direction.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> Sonds like everyone is pointing you in the same direction.


:iagree:
Tough Love


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

4EverHope said:


> hi justean,
> i have 1 friend that i go out with and he has issues with that. when i get too dressed up, he questions where i am going, who's going to be there. it's crazy
> 
> HE DOES THIS FOR HIS OWN GUILT AND INSECURITIES.
> ...


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