# ...and they said it could be worse!!!



## LionofJudah888 (Jul 15, 2012)

Wow, this is a really good site and I'm not sure how to start. After reading a few posts I am realizing that I so much not alone. I'm starting to think that nature did not intend for two people to be stuck together for life. Instead, we trained ourselves in doing so as a way of being civilized. I feel this way right now because I'm considering divorce after four years and promised to never ever marry again. I just recently retired from the army and I have three children and my wife is now pregnant. I had my first two before I met my wife. Before we got serious I was honest to her about my job, my background, my previous relationships.....just plain honest. I met her while on tour in Europe where everything was fine, we got married, had a daughter and moved back to the states. I was still in the army at the time. About two weeks after we were here we had our first big argument and that's when I saw a side of her that Ive never seen before...and her behavior was shocking (yelling and screaming). My job in the army upon my return required me to work long hours which is understandably hard on her...with a newborn...in a new country. However, I tried to support her and make suggestions where she get out try to find something that interests her while I'm at work. She refused to do anything. She claims the job she had in her homeland is the only job she is willing to do (which I thought was childish, since she is not in her homeland). Instead, she waits for me to come home to hand off the baby and start yelling. That's when I started to realize there may be trouble ahead. Within about two more weeks, that behavior morphed into expressions of regret and talks of divorce. I immediately became depressed. How could I make this mistake.....again? Remember I was married before and already had children. Anyway, I decided that its because she is away from home and family and in a new environment. Besides, I wasn't gonna "throw in the towel" this easily. After all, every marriage has its ups and downs and I'm going to make this work. Well, over the course of almost four years, there has been a issue worth fighting about (if I'm willing to fight) at least once every week. A tiny suggestion will escalate into yelling, screaming and wall punching. We did have a chat where I told her that I will not be brought to punch the wall again. Never did it since. Never done it before her and will never do it again. I would like to express in details the things that happened but I not sure if I have the time or the energy. This is just a short list:
-Caught her lying to me while I was deployed. Actually went out, cheated, then denied it later.

-Lies about any and everything (she would rather argue, fight, or point the finger right back at me instead of confessing to the truth)

-has an alcohol problem (no alcohol in sight should be left untouched)...expect a fight to follow.

-degrades my work and my country. Always claiming that her land and her way is better. Told me outright that she is better than me (I was shocked too)

-degrades the way I look.

-tries to put me down and embarrass me when we have company. That's after she gossips with them about all the things I do wrong.

...and in the heat of an argument (usually after some alcohol) about the silliest stuff, I would be told that:

- I'm a loser. That's the reason I have two bastard children and failed marriages and if this marriage doesn't work it will be might fault

-she only married me because she thought I had money

-she is only with me until she finds someone better

-I'm worst than the dirt under nails

-I'm the worst man in the world

There are times when she would try to mind F**K me. Sorry, that's the only way I can put it. This is when she when say something and deny saying it, or do the obvious and deny doing it. Then we would start to argue about it. She also sets people up to lie to me to gain the upper hand. 

-Of the many times she mentioned divorce, she told me I would never see my daughter again.

-She left me and went back home on three separate occasions.

-On one occasion while she was away, I called to say that I had heart failure, she refused to believe me. Once she was back she got angry where she admitted that she did not want to come back. Her parents talked her into it...even though she knew I had heart failure.

- A few weeks later, I had my AICD implanted. Drama the same day I left the hospital. No regard that I just had heart surgery.

-She always wanted two kids, and I always objected. One, for financial reasons (already paying child support for two). I tried to express that to her plus the fact that our marriage needs a lot of work and I wouldn't want to bring another child into our current situation. For some reason that was too hard too understand and it was Drama.

I have to admit irresponsibility on my part right now for getting her pregnant right now. Because not too long ago she had an abortion. Why did she have an abortion? She had stopped taking the pill without my knowledge. Went on a trip, she initiated sex (we don't usually have sex. My sex drive fell off a cliff. Two minutes if I managed to get it up for her). She told me she was pregnant. Even though I should have expressed happiness...I expressed despair. I told her my honest concerns about my being the only one working, my/our existing financial responsibilities and the new responsibility of this new child. Somehow, that translated into my not caring and in a rage she decided to get an abortion........ and just like that. An abortion. Then she went back home. Started partying as if nothing happened. Needless to say i drove her to the airport every time she decides to go home. Going back and forth to Europe over this period of time amounted up to over $13000 in airfare alone plus i made sure my daughter had essentials every time she went back. I'm not rich. I was enlisted military. Needless to say, I took her back because I did not want another fatherless child. I will stop here for a while because the rest will make me seem even more stupid. 
I can say I do my duties as a dad.
To be fair:
- I punched walls in, as I mentioned earlier

- I called her an evil with and a b*tch when she was leaving the last time and told me I wouldn't see my daughter again.

-I told her to "keep your legs closed" which really touched her nerve when I realized she was hanging out with a neighbor, smoking weed while I'm at work.

-I accused her of cheating with a mutual "friend". Then apologized because I did not caught her in the act. Even though I had reason to believe she did. 

-During the course of our marriage with all this happening she expresses to me that I don't give her much attention and appreciation...and everything else that most women complain about. Its true, I don't. I fake it sometimes. I really wanted to share my love and my life my her, but I look at her and think she does not deserve anything good that I have to offer.
Yesterday we had one of our weekly arguments and I'm about ready to tell her its over. The thing is I feel guilty of the fact that she is pregnant right now. I have a heart condition with an AICD implant and the stress is killing me. I don't eat right, I don't sleep right. I'm depressed. I just need some peace after nearly four years of this horror. I cant imagine it being this hard to tell someone you want out. Right now I feel like never looking at another woman again.

I need advice as much as I needed to express my feelings.


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## needinghonesty (Jul 15, 2012)

I feel everything your saying brother. Though our experiences are different in some ways, I am "very" familiar with the weekly fights. I swore prior to this arriage I would never be in such a distructive marriage but here I am. I too have put my fist through glass out of the frustration of the arguing just wanting it to stop and have a peacefull happy marriage. I too am in the Army but just not made retirenment yet, may not with current cutbacks, different story. Just try and hang in there for your own peace and try to keep the stress dow. I too just recently went in the hospital for heart difficulties. Come to find out I had a heart attack about 2 yrs ago and this was time was caused by stress. Im still not eating right and go up and down with depression. It is very difficult to walk away. I did numerous times and due to wanting to try and make things better went back. Like in the movie The Matrix I wish I could take the pill to make all this go away and we never met. In the end we have ourselves and you have your kids to be responcible for. Im hoping i can find the strength through the advice on here to cut the load. Life is about being happy and it is our God given right to be happy. Follow your gut, if you can. I too worry, I worry mine will commit suicide if I leave and I would feel responcible...
If its of any help, just remember it is YOUR life and you have every right to be happy.

Maybe my words werent right to say but its what I felt to say is true...I wish the best!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sir, I have to believe that this baby is not yours. I know you have a heart condition but I have to warn you. 
Your wife is a serial cheater and trust your gut. Her infidelity has nothing to do with you. It is all on her and how she deals with her marriage problems.
Sure you can take 50 % of the marriage problems but you have no reason to blame your self for the way your wife handles her marriage problems.

So with the realization that this baby may not be yours do you still feel the guilt in letting her go.

It looks to me like the only reason she keeps you around is for the paycheck. 
In a matter of time she will keep you around for the baby sitting while she "goes out the the girl"

Her past infidelity would give you the right to check if you are the bio dad. Hell your health issues may even be related to a STD she gave you.

I'd check it out brother, it may relieve some of that guilt.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Let's see, you've been married for 4 years. You have a daughter with this woman and another on the way. She pretty much is sickened by your mere presence, she only married you because she thought you had money, and is having multiple affairs, one that you can confirm. 

Hmm...if you stay with her any longer you will have to pay additional alimony.

Why are you still married to this woman?


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## CelticmanInGermany (Jul 8, 2012)

Sound to me like she is having an affair - get the hell out of there - see a solicitor - you deserve better than this. PLEASE DONT HIT HER !!! - sounds to me she is asking for it though... would be the very worst thing to do - you'd only ruin your life too. I wish you all the best


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## LionofJudah888 (Jul 15, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies. No, I would not hit her. I'm more reserved and not violent at all. Even though I didn't mention earlier that she hit me before in rage. I didn't make much of it because she hits like a girl, lol (little humor). Furthermore, I know the consequences of that within and outside of the military. Not to mention that she has made incriminating threats towards me. As I was leaving for my uncles funeral out-of-state she told me she wished the airplane would crsh with me in it. I am still with her because of my daughter. If not, we would have been apart over many times she threatened divorce or went back to her country. I don't really depend on her. I take care of my daughter too, i can cook, I can take care of of the household chores, I provide financially...I can pretty much take care of myself, but I try not to get in the way of her being the wife and allow her to do these things with my help. I just wanted to share my love and my life with her. You ask why I'm still with her. They say love is blind. As soon as she starts to cook or clean or do something around the house I start to think maybe she cares or maybe its just because she has a bad temper or maybe she has some sort of personality disorder. However, all that doesn't really matter right now because I haven't said a word to her since our last weekly quarrel. We slept in separate beds last night. I know divorce is what I want but I guess I am just afraid of the Drama that will follow. I've really had enough drama with this woman. I have no more energy to utter one more word to her in anger or the energy to take it from her.


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## CelticmanInGermany (Jul 8, 2012)

Well just do yourself a favour - bite the bullet and see a solicitor - you deserve a pleasant life too. You are right - there will be an awful time in front of you - its a very dark tunnel, but it is a tunnel and its going some where - and there will be light again. At the moment you find yourself in a dark room all be it a familiar dark room - Is this the life you really want for yourself ?


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## Imagin68 (Jul 15, 2012)

Um, I would tell that beeotch get to steppin. Kids are strong and as long as you are active in their lives, they will grow up just fine. Sounds to me like she doesn't care too much about you or your kids if she's going to act like that. I can't believe you let it go on for this long. I'm with you on the whole I don't think 2 people were meant to be together forever thing. People change so its almost impossible. I hope things get better for you but I wouldn't put up with that crap anymore. Soooooo not worth it.


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