# What if you have sex with someone who is not you spouse?



## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

What if you cheat on your spouse, having sex with someone else. Would you have it once, was a mistake, you regret and never tells you wife? Or would you confess to her?
And for the people who once had that before, what was your reaction?


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Dude - Just divorce your poor wife. You obviously don't want to be married to her. There's no point in repeatedly posting here about your desires for other women. Nobody is going to tell you it's okay. They will tell you to either be faithful to your wife or divorce her. There's no middle ground.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If you still love your wife and this was just sex with another woman, let it go, don't tell her. Go to marriage counseling and have chats with how to better the marriage and what you are lacking that made you weak and you cheated on her.

Now if you are done with your wife, more than just sex, then divorce her and set her free. She deserves better.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

Spend some time in the infidelity threads, if you love your wife you can't possibly want to hurt her like that. Ask for an open marriage or divorce her.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

lfortender said:


> I dont Know what to do anymore, my Wife doesnt satisfies in bed. I try to talk and she always says the problem is in my mind, is not what it looks like! We almost dont have sex anymore, sometimes once a week, sometimes three times a month! I'm starting to feel atraction by other girls, of course i didnt tell her that! The main problem is because she never start the sex, i always start, i always go after her, she doesnt care if we get a week or more without sex, she doesnt give importance to sex, she doesnt do blowjob, doesnt do anal (i'd love to get sucked and have anal with her), she doesnt look for Anything new, doesnt read sex books to develop new techniques, she doesnt use sex toys, she doesnt try new positions, and more! I think she pretends to like sex but she doesnt! I dont Know what to do anymore, i think i'll divorce, i think i'll start to look for other women who likes sex, who will fill me! What you think i could do friends? Tell me, am i crazy? Am i a sex addict?


Your wife didn't make you happy because she isn't experienced sexually, she wouldn't read sex books, didn't make the first move, wouldn't give you blow job and didn't offer her ass to you....so you had sex with another woman and now are wondering what to do.

How old are you? How old is your wife? How long have you two been married? Was she a virgin before you? has she ever had an orgasm? How would you know for sure because a LOT of women fake it? What do YOU do to take care of her emotional needs?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I think the problem is that with a lot of things, once you've crossed the line it is so much easier to do a second time.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lfortender said:


> What if you cheat on your spouse, having sex with someone else. Would you have it once, was a mistake, you regret and never tells you wife? Or would you confess to her?
> And for the people who once had that before, what was your reaction?


my theory is that most women who don't want sex is because their hooked up with a lousy lover.

quit making sex the main goal and start just enjoying spending time together and you might be surprised.


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Your wife didn't make you happy because she isn't experienced sexually, she wouldn't read sex books, didn't make the first move, wouldn't give you blow job and didn't offer her ass to you....so you had sex with another woman and now are wondering what to do.
> 
> How old are you? How old is your wife? How long have you two been married? Was she a virgin before you? has she ever had an orgasm? How would you know for sure because a LOT of women fake it? What do YOU do to take care of her emotional needs?


I'm 27, we're married for 6 years. Yes she was virgin before me. SHe has orgasm, we learned together. I know she has because i know the changes that happen when a woman is horny. I'm not good enough in taking care of her emotional needs.


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

justonelife said:


> Dude - Just divorce your poor wife. You obviously don't want to be married to her. There's no point in repeatedly posting here about your desires for other women. Nobody is going to tell you it's okay. They will tell you to either be faithful to your wife or divorce her. There's no middle ground.


I'm sorry posting, it's because i'm very frustraded.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

lfortender said:


> I'm 27, we're married for 6 years. Yes she was virgin before me. SHe has orgasm, we learned together. I know she has because i know the changes that happen when a woman is horny. I'm not good enough in taking care of her emotional needs.


I'm going to assume that the language barrier is the reason why have been coming off as rather self centered, that you're really not a selfish prick and are trying to find a way to have an explorative and playful sex life with your wife.

Your wife is young and I bet she is completely mystified when you say you would like her to initiate sex more often. This could mean a lot of different things but to a young, sexually inexperienced woman, who was raised to guard her virginity, she is probably hearing something ver different from what you are asking.

You need to explain that when you make a move to have sex with her, it is not JUST to have sex but also to show her your love in a very intimate way. You show her you want her, both physically and emotionally by initiating sex, by making moves that communicate you want to have sex.

Then you explain that while she may feel shy about doing it, you would really like her to make moves to have sex with you, because it would make YOU feel wanted, loved and like your feeling for her were the same as HER feelings for you. She needs to understand this on an EMOTIONAL level. This is not you asking for her to do a strip tease and lap dance, and if it is you need to back it up about 3 paces. This is about her showing her love for you in ways that communicate TO you that feeling of being loved and being wanted.

In terms of oral sex, explain to her how much you want HER to do this for you. Why it's important using FEELING words. For instance, if you showed your love for me by loving my penis it would make me feel like you really loved me, that something as deeply personal as putting your mouth down there is something you would do for me. Then let her take it slowly. Dont try to come in her mouth until she is really ready for that.

When you go down on her, you have to tell her how you love it, how you love the taste and the scent but most of you love giving her pleasure that is so intensely personal.

Stop thinking about other women and if you ever actually go there, you may as well kiss all thoughts of great sex goodbye because she will NEVER trust you again.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> my theory is that most women who don't want sex is because their hooked up with a lousy lover.


Maybe, but that is one reason among many. No one is born a great lover. Somewhere, along the way Mr/Mrs Great Lover received patient instruction from a caring partner. Such exploration is a hallmark of sexual maturity. Perhaps this is something our dear OP might explore.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lfortender said:


> I'm 27, we're married for 6 years. Yes she was virgin before me. SHe has orgasm, we learned together. I know she has because i know the changes that happen when a woman is horny. *I'm not good enough in taking care of her emotional needs*.


So work on getting better in taking care of her emotional needs. 

What things do the two of you do together in a normal week, just the two of you?


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So work on getting better in taking care of her emotional needs.
> 
> What things do the two of you do together in a normal week, just the two of you?


Sometimes we watch movies, have dinner in the city restaurants, go to the mall, stuff. The problem is she charges me a lot, charges my changing in general life, financial life, church life, social life, professional life, she charges me in everything. She's never satisfied about me, i'm never enough for her. She always wants that i take the first step.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You mean challenges you? Cause if she is charging you then I'm not sure we're talking about a wife here...


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> You mean challenges you? Cause if she is charging you then I'm not sure we're talking about a wife here...


What do you mean? I didn't understand!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lfortender said:


> What do you mean? I didn't understand!


When saying that she challenges you, it means that anything you do, she has an opposite answer, or action for it. Saying she "charges you", that generally means that you have to apy money for every single thing you mentioned above, hence Anon's comment about not being a wife.... implying that you are not talking about a woman you are married to, but about a woman you PAY to spend time with you.... The other option for "charging" is that she physically attacks you, which is also equally bad. So, I am going to assume that she challenges you, or questions everything you suggest or want. Would that be correct?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

lfortender said:


> Sometimes we watch movies, have dinner in the city restaurants, go to the mall, stuff. The problem is she charges me a lot, charges my changing in general life, financial life, church life, social life, professional life, she charges me in everything. She's never satisfied about me, i'm never enough for her. She always wants that i take the first step.


I think you mean she takes charge of you in these areas. We call it "controlling". It sounds as though she's not actualizing herself, she's living her life through you, maybe not happy with herself so easier to be unhappy with you. Word for this is "deflecting." People cannot show love and desire for others in a giving way until they learn to give it to themselves. She needs more confidence in herself. Try small compliments, and encourage her to be more independent and self-minded. Sounds like she's not letting you be your own person, and doesn't have good boundaries. This can interfere with affection and intimacy, it's hard to "hug" something you are already smothering!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

lfortender said:


> Sometimes we watch movies, have dinner in the city restaurants, go to the mall, stuff. The problem is she charges me a lot, charges my changing in general life, financial life, church life, social life, professional life, she charges me in everything. She's never satisfied about me, i'm never enough for her. She always wants that i take the first step.


Okay so the language barrier is making this tricky. Try to give a lot more specific information, if you can, and that way we can use subtext to figure out what you mean.

Does she argue with you about everything? That's called nit-pick, when a wife will argue and pick on every single little thing you do or more likely don't do.

Does she blame you for things unfairly? Does she want to have nice things and blames you by saying things like, "why don't you make more money so I can have that new dress, or so we can live in a better place?

Does she ask a lot of questions about what you do when you are away from her, where you go who you talk to?


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> When saying that she challenges you, it means that anything you do, she has an opposite answer, or action for it. Saying she "charges you", that generally means that you have to apy money for every single thing you mentioned above, hence Anon's comment about not being a wife.... implying that you are not talking about a woman you are married to, but about a woman you PAY to spend time with you.... The other option for "charging" is that she physically attacks you, which is also equally bad. So, I am going to assume that she challenges you, or questions everything you suggest or want. Would that be correct?


You're, it's about "challenges". I'm sorry english is not my first language. The problem is not about money, she doesn't work i'm the one who pays for all, i dont complain about it. But the challenges me in every issue that i have, and she says if i dont make a first move she will divorce me. That's not fair.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Personally I'd rather be charged physically by a woman than financially.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Vanguard said:


> Personally I'd rather be charged physically by a woman than financially.


She charges him mentally as well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Okay so the language barrier is making this tricky. Try to give a lot more specific information, if you can, and that way we can use subtext to figure out what you mean.
> 
> Does she argue with you about everything? That's called nit-pick, when a wife will argue and pick on every single little thing you do or more likely don't do.
> 
> ...


Yes she blames me. Yes the she's that way! I really don't know how to react, i try to be more strong with her but doesn't make any difference.


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## lfortender (Sep 18, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> Personally I'd rather be charged physically by a woman than financially.


Unfortunately money is a very sensitive issue in a marriage, don't you think? My mother says that she knows some girlfriends of her whom say that their husbands doesnt provide they divorce them. I mean, while has money ok when not get divorced! Thats not good!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm still hopelessly confused about what your wife does or doesn't do that makes you want to leave. You want her to initiate sex and she wants you to do it. You say you want to,leave because she won't, while you also say she threatens to leave if you don't initiate. 

This is not adding up.


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