# What should I do next?



## 3times (Aug 7, 2008)

Has my husband cheated on me? Yes, several times. I found out about them accidentally. I confronted him, and he told me the truth. I decided to stay in the marriage.

Has my husband told me that he preferred other women? Absolutely YES, several times. He told me that he was leaving and I did not have physical look that he was looking for after 12 years of marriage. (Yes, I got married when I was young, 23!).

The last time he said he was leaving, I accepted his decision without a fight - I was tired of fighting for the marriage. I started planning for my life alone. Financially, I was in a better position than he was. Then, he changed his mind again. 

Our marriage is doing a lot better now. He has changed a bunch, which is wonderful. However, I still feel that I can't really talk to him about the hurtful things that he has said to me. I want to be able to, but he is a bit sensitive with my choices of words, etc.

Do I want a big apology from him? Definitely YES. I also want to learn how to move on and feel better about this marriage. We are not out of the water yet. We still have some major issues other than his infedility - like certain kind of addiction, and financial matters.

I need to talk to someone freely, but it's hard to get a good counselor where we live. I am hoping that I can at least "talk" freely in this forum.

Any comments will help me - I feel alone in this, no support - just me on my own!

Thanks


----------



## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

You are always more than welcome to drop whatever you need to talk about here. Most of us here are working on our marriages as well. My wife and I have a weekly talk to discuss various things regarding our communication, or lack thereof... 

What do you think you need to be able to move on from the cheating, and terrible things he has said to you?


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

you wil get there. my first hubby cheated on me dozens of times, until he had an affair ( last 6 months of the marriage).
my family were a godsend. but i stil spent time on my own.
but honestly remind yourself of the bad things. 
i was called ugly and fat and who the f999 would ever want me.
it was insecurities.
ok it took me 10 yrs b 4 i actually counted my self as attractive.
but now i dont care what ppl think.
but i learnt that to live on your own, you have to like yourself.
i went to a nurse / dr party on the front lawn of the residency quarters.
i met a dr and an hr later i was S88888ing him senseless. ( no i had never done this b 4 - nor done it since) ok it lasted for 3 weeks.
not bad - in my opinion.
but it was fab. i looked at my image differently, i had someone that made me feel good. and it changed me. it helped me to move on. 
i wouldnt just sleep around and i dont. im not encouraging you. i did have a chemistry thing going on before i did the act. 
but what i am saying is take a chance and take opportunites that come about.
it might be as simple as going for walks in a park.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Keep heart.

draconis


----------



## Butter (Nov 21, 2008)

Well, after my discovery of his purchase of condoms as I posted yesterday - he promised to throw them out. I know that doesn't make a difference as he can purchase more anytime anywhere but it's symbolic to me. Anyway, feeling like a total reject upon this discovery I went to Victoria's Secret and bought a ton of stuff. Gussied myself up, heels and all. We went out to dinner, he was remarking about how beautiful I looked. I told him about the new sexy "underthings" I had on under my clothes. Drove him nuts. I'm so insecure. Like as if going to Victoria's Secret and "rewarding' him is going to stop him from cheating. We came home, spent time talking all night - which he said was his big pet peeve -- he wants me to communicate more - and now I feel like we're back to where we were last week. I'm downstairs w/my coffee and he's upstairs sleeping late. My head is spinning. Is anyone there????? I need some help. When we were down this road 5 years ago he promised he'd never cheat again. I told him that if he did it'd be a deal-breaker. So why are we at this point in the road? I really want to get into his therapists office w/him and discuss this. HE's been working for the past year in therapy about his abusive childhood but he said recently the sessions have shifted to the subject of me and the fact that he feels he can't confide in me. I don't now what to do.


----------



## Butter (Nov 21, 2008)

sorry - i posted this in wrong spot. should've been a new topic. I'm new to all this. I apologize


----------

