# My Partner hates my 2 teenage kids



## Imas

I have been seeing a woman for 5 years who I care for and love. I have 2 teenage kids and she has 2 young kids.In the last 5 years, I have been financially supporting her the best way I can, we have been living separately on and off and I have always been paying her rent.
She keeps telling me how I don’t support her and only think of my children. She completely refuses that we all live together under the same roof as she hates my kids, she feels my kids deceived her or manipulating her and stuff like that. She is constantly degrading me and my kids, never something positive, I try to please her but she pushes me away. The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”, is she saying that out of anger or meaning it. All this time she has really been deceiving me or what?
There is no way I would throw my kids for anyone, they only have me as my kids mother (ex wife) hadn’t been around for 7 years. I love my kids, that’s a red line for me. 
I love her and her kids, I raised her kids with her she doesn’t see that 
Simply put: her problem is my kids..


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## Andy1001

What question are you asking? This self admitted gold digger hangs around because you pay her, no other reason. 
Two things I think are probably true. 
1. She’s out of your league looks wise. 
2. She’s great in bed.


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## Imas

I Love being with her, got true feelings for her. 
She just flips from happy and loving to crazy.


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## Imas

She isn’t out my my league or anything like that. She wants stability with me but without my kids.


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## Andy1001

Imas said:


> She isn’t out my my league or anything like that. She wants stability with me but without my kids.


Are you actually reading what you are writing?
Your kids come first, not some egotistical gold digger.


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## AlabamaWorley

If your kids were a red line for you this woman wouldn’t be in your life at all. You said she’s constantly degrading your kids yet you’re keeping her around. You’re choosing her over your kids well being.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Imas said:


> I Love being with her, got true feelings for her.
> She just flips from happy and loving to crazy.


It will not get better with her.


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## Diana7

Unless she starts to treat your children with love and respect there is no hope for your relationship. 
There is no way I would be with a woman or man who hates my children. 
Also why are you paying her rent?


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## AlabamaWorley

Diana7 said:


> Unless she starts to treat your children with love and respect there is no hope for your relationship.
> There is no way I would be with a woman or man who hates my children.
> Also why are you paying her rent?


I would argue it’s too late even if she begins treating them like gold. She’s already done irreparable damage and the kids will never forget that. I’m almost 50 and remember everything my b of a stepmom did from when I was a kid.


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## Trustless Marriage

The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”.

That's all it would have taken for me to have dumped this woman. She has no respect for you - only your money. Have some self respect dude. Move on.


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## Openminded

She’s using you. Wake up.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Trustless Marriage said:


> The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”.
> 
> That's all it would have taken for me to have dumped this woman. She has no respect for you - only your money. Have some self respect dude. Move on.


No sh!t.


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## Rob_1

Jesus, how pathetic. What kind of a man are you, if you are for real? I can't believe you're letting your little head rule your emotions and reasoning.


Imas said:


> Simply put: her problem is my kids..


Simply put: the problem is you and your lack of self respect and your lack of balls.

How dare you to keep supporting a gold digger that tells you she hates your kids. Come on dude are you that weak?


Imas said:


> love her and her kids,


Dude what love got to do with your situation? You might love her all you want, but she doesn't. She's using you, taking advantage of your weak character and lack of balls. If she can tell you that if it wasn't because of the money she would be gone, then she has not respect for you. She knows she has you under her thumb. 

Any woman that would tell me that she hates my children would be gone from my life immediately. GONE.

No woman that tells me that if it wasn't for the money...would be immediately GONE from life.

Are you sure, I mean really corroborated facts that she doesn't have another man? The fact that she refuses to live with you, and prefers to have you renting her a place to live indicates to me that she's only using you while her real man is getting all the benefits for free.


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## BigDaddyNY

Imas said:


> I have been seeing a woman for 5 years who I care for and love. I have 2 teenage kids and she has 2 young kids.In the last 5 years, I have been financially supporting her the best way I can, we have been living separately on and off and I have always been paying her rent.
> She keeps telling me how I don’t support her and only think of my children. She completely refuses that we all live together under the same roof as she hates my kids, she feels my kids deceived her or manipulating her and stuff like that. She is constantly degrading me and my kids, never something positive, I try to please her but she pushes me away. The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”, is she saying that out of anger or meaning it. All this time she has really been deceiving me or what?
> There is no way I would throw my kids for anyone, they only have me as my kids mother (ex wife) hadn’t been around for 7 years. I love my kids, that’s a red line for me.
> I love her and her kids, I raised her kids with her she doesn’t see that
> Simply put: her problem is my kids..


You are nothing but an ATM to her, she has actually told you that! It sounds like you aren't even legally married, so you have no obligation to stay. The question you should be asking is why am I still with her?


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## Blondilocks

She isn't your partner - she is your charity.


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## Livvie

I don't understand at ALL how you can love this woman and why you are still in a relationship with her. 

She came right out and says she's only in in for the money. 

WHY are you with this person?????


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## SunCMars

So sorry, nobody deserves this treatment.

This vampire needs a wake-up call.
She needs to see the light of day.

She needs to wake-up and find herself, without a man, and without rent money.
And without a customer referral!

Next, she needs to see you with another woman, say, on Facebook.

I can casually say, she is acting bi-polar.
She is warm one minute, cruel and cold the next.

No wonder she is single, her first husband, at some point, got that faint whiff of the formaldehyde that leaches out of her.

You need not be any woman's _Knight in Shining Armor_.
Many of these woman take advantage of those lettered Sir's, with uttered slurs.



_Nemesis-_


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## GusPolinski

Imas said:


> I have been seeing a woman for 5 years who I care for and love. I have 2 teenage kids and she has 2 young kids.In the last 5 years, I have been financially supporting her the best way I can, we have been living separately on and off and I have always been paying her rent.
> She keeps telling me how I don’t support her and only think of my children. She completely refuses that we all live together under the same roof as she hates my kids, she feels my kids deceived her or manipulating her and stuff like that. She is constantly degrading me and my kids, never something positive, I try to please her but she pushes me away. *The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”*, is she saying that out of anger or meaning it. All this time she has really been deceiving me or what?
> There is no way I would throw my kids for anyone, they only have me as my kids mother (ex wife) hadn’t been around for 7 years. I love my kids, that’s a red line for me.
> I love her and her kids, I raised her kids with her she doesn’t see that
> Simply put: her problem is my kids..


Sounds like it’s time to withhold the money. 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## Captain Obvious

Imas said:


> I have been seeing a woman for 5 years who I care for and love. I have 2 teenage kids and she has 2 young kids.In the last 5 years, I have been financially supporting her the best way I can, we have been living separately on and off and I have always been paying her rent.
> She keeps telling me how I don’t support her and only think of my children. She completely refuses that we all live together under the same roof as she hates my kids, she feels my kids deceived her or manipulating her and stuff like that. She is constantly degrading me and my kids, never something positive, I try to please her but she pushes me away. The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”, is she saying that out of anger or meaning it. All this time she has really been deceiving me or what?
> There is no way I would throw my kids for anyone, they only have me as my kids mother (ex wife) hadn’t been around for 7 years. I love my kids, that’s a red line for me.
> I love her and her kids, I raised her kids with her she doesn’t see that
> Simply put: her problem is my kids..


From what you wrote, she sounds like a user and an abuser. You are her financial crutch.


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## Al_Bundy

Why are you paying her rent? Seriously. You pay her bills and you let her run all over you. 

Go read The Unplugged Alpha, although at this stage it might be too late for you.


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## PhillyGuy13

So she’s a gold digger that hates your children?
Get some self respect, man.


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## Imas

Wow.. everyone asking why am I still with her! Absolutely agree.. I need to get myself back up.
Is it me being scared to be alone?
I’ve been taking so much negativity from her it makes me sick.. I had enough really, especially when it’s a subject touching my kids. 
Ive done the best I can with what I got being a single father, she only cares about her side of things. 
I think it’s time to take things cool and civil and just let things die down.


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## Diana7

Imas said:


> Wow.. everyone asking why am I still with her! Absolutely agree.. I need to get myself back up.
> Is it me being scared to be alone?
> I’ve been taking so much negativity from her it makes me sick.. I had enough really, especially when it’s a subject touching my kids.
> Ive done the best I can with what I got being a single father, she only cares about her side of things.
> I think it’s time to take things cool and civil and just let things die down.


All you need to is stop paying her rent, she will be off.


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## Trident

Ignoring the money aspect of this, I could be your girlfriend- except I'm a guy but that's besides the point.

I don't "hate" my girlfriend's teenage son but I certainly am not fond of him, I dislike his entitled, spoiled, beligerent, selfish attitude and I hate the way my girlfriend continues to enable him as he physically and verbally craps all over her, her house and her possessions. 

We used to live together but I moved out because of these issues with her son.

Perhaps your girlfriend feels the same way, it's difficult to say from a few paragraphs on a forum that only paint half the picture but this story resonates with me a bit.


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## Imas

SunCMars said:


> So sorry, nobody deserves this treatment.
> 
> This vampire needs a wake-up call.
> She needs to see the light of day.
> 
> She needs to wake-up and find herself, without a man, and without rent money.
> And without a customer referral!
> 
> Next, she needs to see you with another woman, say, on Facebook.
> 
> I can casually say, she is acting bi-polar.
> She is warm one minute, cruel and cold the next.
> 
> No wonder she is single, her first husband, at some point, got that faint whiff of the formaldehyde that leaches out of her.
> 
> You need not be any woman's _Knight in Shining Armor_.
> Many of these woman take advantage of those lettered Sir's, with uttered slurs.
> 
> 
> 
> _Nemesis-_


I think she maybe is Bi-polar! She can be cool and happy and talking normal and the next in an hour it all changes ! It’s like always walking on egg shells! 
She looses her temper fast, if she doesn’t get her way it’s a problem.. She would find one reason for something and forgets all the 1000 good things.Is it Bi-Polar or BPD.. she has got serious issues.. not normal really


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## Trident

And...here we go with a person making a mental diagnosis of their partner. In this case they're still together, but generally speaking, almost everyone's ex is a nutjob- including their ex's ex.

If you're not a licensed mental health professional, or your partner hasn't been officially diagnosed then you're wasting bandwidth.


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## RebuildingMe

OP- you've been on TAM for a decade. Haven't you learned anything yet? 5 years of paying rent for someone is a long time.


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## Al_Bundy

Imas said:


> She looses her temper fast, if she doesn’t get her way it’s a problem..


She's an A-hole and you keep making excuses. Are you afraid of her? Is this the best you can do?

You talk about your kids, are you proud that your kids get to see dad walked on and scared of his own shadow?


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## Imas

Trident said:


> Ignoring the money aspect of this, I could be your girlfriend- except I'm a guy but that's besides the point.
> 
> I don't "hate" my girlfriend's teenage son but I certainly am not fond of him, I dislike his entitled, spoiled, beligerent, selfish attitude and I hate the way my girlfriend continues to enable him as he physically and verbally craps all over her, her house and her possessions.
> 
> We used to live together but I moved out because of these issues with her son.
> 
> Perhaps your girlfriend feels the same way, it's difficult to say from a few paragraphs on a forum that only paint half the picture but this story resonates with me a bit.


I can’t say kids were angels with her. It was difficult on kids to accept, I’m always with them so someone coming in between was difficult.
There is so much to it, like u said it’s just half the story.


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## Imas

She did visit a physiatrist.. gave her anxiety medications.. I think there is deeper stuff I don’t understand. 
All I know it not healthy and normal!
What kills me is she has a 7 year old and a 12 year old who I care for them a lot. How can I just not care or do something at least for her kids.. just throw them.. I feel guilt.. if they have food or not.. if they have money for the Dr... I know if I don’t pay rent, probability kids might end up with no roof. There father abandoned the 6 years back and 0 contact.


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## Trident

Yes I figured there was misbehaving and enabling and what you're seeing is your partner's reaction to it. Having been on the other side of this and still dealing with the situation to some extent, I'm extremely sensitive to it and I picked up on it by reading between the lines of your post. 

Here's a link to an article I wish my girlfriend would at least take the time to read if not understand, although I don't expect the lightbulb to come on anytime soon.









Wife puts her son before our marriage


Q: I am stepfather to my wife's only child, age 8, from her first marriage. My wife always and in every way puts her son before our marriage. We went through counseling several years ago and things got better for a while, but then began slipping back into child-comes-first mode. Believe me, we...




www.ajc.com


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## Imas

She treats me like crap, she hates my kids, but my conscience for her kids. That’s the pain and worry. What ever happens hopefully will happen for the best. Most important she understood I’m not in no way going to choose her over my kids. That can’t and won’t ever happen.


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## Trident

Imas said:


> She treats me like crap, she hates my kids, but my conscience for her kids


If she treats you like crap why do you stay with her? Let alone support her?

Might as well send money to poor children in third world countries, not seeing a difference. 

As far as choosing her over your kids, I wasn't suggesting you do so. But if you're putting the needs of spoiled, entitled selfish brats over the needs of your partner you can certainly expect resentment. Then again there are stark differences between your situation and mine, no one is supporting the other one financially, you sir are being taken for a ride.


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## Al_Bundy

Imas said:


> She did visit a physiatrist.. gave her anxiety medications.. I think there is deeper stuff I don’t understand.
> All I know it not healthy and normal!
> What kills me is she has a 7 year old and a 12 year old who I care for them a lot. How can I just not care or do something at least for her kids.. just throw them.. I feel guilt.. if they have food or not.. if they have money for the Dr... I know if I don’t pay rent, probability kids might end up with no roof. There father abandoned the 6 years back and 0 contact.


If he left 6yrs ago and you've been together 5, she somehow managed without you for a year. She's an adult, let her put her big girl pants on and figure it out. You would probably be surprised how quickly she'd either figure it out on her own, or find another wallet.......I mean guy........ to take your place.

Look up the phrase "alpha seed, beta need". That's what's going on here. 

Just for fun, add up how much you spent on her over the years. That's how much you have paid someone to treat you like crap, to use your words.

Best of luck.


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## Imas

Trident said:


> Yes I figured there was misbehaving and enabling and what you're seeing is your partner's reaction to it. Having been on the other side of this and still dealing with the situation to some extent, I'm extremely sensitive to it and I picked up on it by reading between the lines of your post.
> 
> Here's a link to an article I wish my girlfriend would at least take the time to read if not understand, although I don't expect the lightbulb to come on anytime soon.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wife puts her son before our marriage
> 
> 
> Q: I am stepfather to my wife's only child, age 8, from her first marriage. My wife always and in every way puts her son before our marriage. We went through counseling several years ago and things got better for a while, but then began slipping back into child-comes-first mode. Believe me, we...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.ajc.com


That’s a good article..


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## SunCMars

Trident said:


> And...here we go with a person making a mental diagnosis of their partner. In this case they're still together, but generally speaking, almost everyone's ex is a nutjob- including their ex's ex.
> 
> If you're not a licensed mental health professional, or your partner hasn't been officially diagnosed then you're wasting bandwidth.


Fair enough...

According to statistics some 7 to 10% of adults suffer from BP or depression at some point in their lives.
Others put that number lower, at least the more serious cases.









Bipolar disorder statistics


Many suffers of



www.bipolar-lives.com


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## Diana7

Imas said:


> She did visit a physiatrist.. gave her anxiety medications.. I think there is deeper stuff I don’t understand.
> All I know it not healthy and normal!
> What kills me is she has a 7 year old and a 12 year old who I care for them a lot. How can I just not care or do something at least for her kids.. just throw them.. I feel guilt.. if they have food or not.. if they have money for the Dr... I know if I don’t pay rent, probability kids might end up with no roof. There father abandoned the 6 years back and 0 contact.


Does she work? Has she tried to find her ex to claim child support?


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## Tested_by_stress

You must hate yourself to be with someone like this. I'd have booted her to the curb a long time ago.


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## DownByTheRiver

Why are you paying her rent?


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## Rob_1

Trident said:


> And...here we go with a person making a mental diagnosis of their partner. In this case they're still together, but generally speaking, almost everyone's ex is a nutjob- including their ex's ex.
> 
> If you're not a licensed mental health professional, or your partner hasn't been officially diagnosed then you're wasting bandwidth.


And here we go again with the you need to be a mental health specialist BS. Humans since the beginnings of time have been able to discern when a person is not right in the head. Instinctively we "get it" you know. Even children can tell a lot of time.

If the OP is saying that there's something wrong in her head then there's something wrong in her head by the description of her behavior by OP.

Really @Trident, there's not need for anyone for a mental health specialist to tell us that something is wrong with a particular individual for us to "waste some bandwidth"

It's just common sense observations by humans, regardless.


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## Trident

Rob_1 said:


> Really @Trident, there's not need for anyone for a mental health specialist to tell us that something is wrong with a particular individual for us to "waste some bandwidth"
> 
> It's just common sense observations by humans, regardless.


Rob if you spend enough time on these forums you will come to realize that many or even most posters refer to their ex as having some sort of particular mental diagnosis (narcissism being one of the top billed) which for some reason was not apparent during the dating, courtship, or many years of marriage and child bearing and rearing, but mysteriously and suddenly appeared at some point in the relationship when things started to go sour. 

I'm not saying that some of our ex's weren't nutjobs or didn't magically turn into one - mine certainly was, but for an untrained, unlicensed, clearly biased individual to come up with a specific ICD-10 CM diagnosis is to say the least, a bit of a stretch. And it happens around here, all the time.


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## frusdil

Imas said:


> She isn’t out my my league or anything like that. She wants stability with me but without my kids.


Yes but that's not an option.



Imas said:


> *I can’t say kids were angels with her.* It was difficult on kids to accept, I’m always with them so someone coming in between was difficult.
> There is so much to it, like u said it’s just half the story.


Re the bolded, what exactly does this mean? Were your kids rude and disrespectful to her and you stood by and did nothing? Do they continue to be that way?

On the surface it sounds horrendous from what you've said regarding her feelings toward your teens, but is there some truth in there? Are you the kind of parent who bends over for their children, and allows them to do or say whatever they want without consequence?


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## Rob_1

Trident said:


> Rob if you spend enough time on these forums you will come to realize that many or even most posters refer to their ex as having some sort of particular mental diagnosis (narcissism being one of the top billed) which for some reason was not apparent during the dating, courtship, or many years of marriage and child bearing and rearing, but mysteriously and suddenly appeared at some point in the relationship when things started to go sour.
> 
> I'm not saying that some of our ex's weren't nutjobs or didn't magically turn into one - mine certainly was, but for an untrained, unlicensed, clearly biased individual to come up with a specific ICD-10 CM diagnosis is to say the least, a bit of a stretch. And it happens around here, all the time.



Yes, your point is well taken.
I was more relating to when people and/or a child in many instances can tell right away that there's something wrong mentally with a person.

Nonetheless, countless of people developed mental illness as they get older, there might never been any indications to it, but at certain point it starts to develop and eventually people realize that something is wrong with their partner, child, relative, etc. Women that have the genetics for it are very prone to this after, child birth, hormonal changes, etc., this leads to all kind of erratic behaviors that so many betrayed partners come to these forums confused and don't know what to do because, previously the partner would never do something like cheating, highly moody, and the likes, hence their trying to pinpoint a diagnosis out if their own inexperience and bewilderment.


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## Trident

Rob_1 said:


> this leads to all kind of erratic behaviors that so many betrayed partners come to these forums confused and don't know what to do because, previously the partner would never do something like cheating, highly moody, and the likes, hence their trying to pinpoint a diagnosis out if their own inexperience and bewilderment.


No doubt. However the whole mental diagnosis thing is over used, in my humble opinion. Furthermore, lots of times the side of the story we get here would be told rather differently by the "crazy" partner if they had the opportunity to express themselves, and it just might be the case, more often than not, that the one pointing the "crazy" finger oughta be taking a closer look at the person staring back at them in the mirror.


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## Imas

Trident said:


> No doubt. However the whole mental diagnosis thing is over used, in my humble opinion. Furthermore, lots of times the side of the story we get here would be told rather differently by the "crazy" partner if they had the opportunity to express themselves, and it just might be the case, more often than not, that the one pointing the "crazy" finger oughta be taking a closer look at the person staring back at them in the mirror.


She was diagnosed with Anxiety, depression and no idea what else. 
Is it possible at one point happy and cool and the next no clue why just flips.. maybe her son upset or or anything l.. just flips


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## Diana7

Trident said:


> Rob if you spend enough time on these forums you will come to realize that many or even most posters refer to their ex as having some sort of particular mental diagnosis (narcissism being one of the top billed) which for some reason was not apparent during the dating, courtship, or many years of marriage and child bearing and rearing, but mysteriously and suddenly appeared at some point in the relationship when things started to go sour.
> 
> I'm not saying that some of our ex's weren't nutjobs or didn't magically turn into one - mine certainly was, but for an untrained, unlicensed, clearly biased individual to come up with a specific ICD-10 CM diagnosis is to say the least, a bit of a stretch. And it happens around here, all the time.


I have to agree here. Plus everyone seems to have PTSD now as well. Not so long ago it was bipolar. 
Sometimes people are just not very nice, they aren't ill, just not very nice.


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## Diana7

Imas said:


> She was diagnosed with Anxiety, depression and no idea what else.
> Is it possible at one point happy and cool and the next no clue why just flips.. maybe her son upset or or anything l.. just flips


Maybe she just has a bad temper that she needs to learn to control. 
My ex had a bad temper, he certainly wasn't mentally ill.


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## She'sStillGotIt

*


Imas said:



The last thing she said was” if it wasn’t for the money she would have left me long back”, is she saying that out of anger or meaning it. All this time she has really been deceiving me or what?

Click to expand...

*Well golly gee, I don't know.

Let me consult my crazy 8 ball.

What part of, _"if it wasn't for the money I would have left you long back"_ do you honestly not comprehend, OP? I mean that seriously, how do you NOT understand those simple words?

Find your spine.


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## ness2388

im going through the same thing with my wife, my wife doesnt work. i work full time plus over time and go to school 30 hours a week and i help support her son and she hates my 8 year old and 5 year old.


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