# The cheater gets love but the betrayed gets nothing



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I was 100% faithful throughout our 14 year long marriage. He cheated more times than you could shake a stick at. Yet, he gets to have someone to sleep next to at night. He gets to have someone to hold and someone who loves him. Maybe I'm just bitter, but I think he does not deserve to have that. I find it unfair that someone like him (my ex husband) who did nothing but cheat on me and treated me like crap gets to have love, while I, who was 100% faithful and loyal and stood by my marriage vows gets nothing. 

Sorry for the rant. This was bought about by the fact that today I allowed my ex husband's new girlfriend to pick up my daughter. I have nothing against this girl. She is not the one he was cheating on me with when we divorced. In fact, I bet she has no idea what really happened between us. I'm sure he didn't start dating her by saying "Hi, I'm a lying bastard who treats women like property instead of people. I also cheat every chance I get and I am very good at manipulating. Wanna go out sometime?" I'm sure he painted her a pretty little picture instead. 

I'm a good person, I'm a great catch. But why can't I have love? Why is that the one who cheats gets that and those of us who were betrayed can't have that? Seems very unfair. 

*sighs...................


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your not a cheater so you won't understand the empty, fake , on the run, "love" that they (cheaters) have.

You percieve them to have better, but they don't, you just think they do b/c of the great ability that cheaters have to act.

There is an emptiness they have that you don't ....your not that person so it all seems odd to you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The betrayed gets another chance in life to find someone who they can have better life with.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

It's not really love if he's bouncing from one woman to another. People like that never have love because they don't know what it is.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I'm a good person, I'm a great catch. But why can't I have love?


Probably because you have real high standards of your own. Your ex probably doesn't. Nothing wrong with you, you just have a much smaller pool to pick from.


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## CruxAve (Dec 30, 2011)

At least you can feel good when looking into the mirror. Your ex can't. I would rather be alone with a good conscience, than a cheat.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I have a few friends who were "left behind" in all cases the one who left seems to come out best. It sucks. 
They are the ones who move someone in to a house, set up a new family, take your kids out for family fun days.
They appear to found love. They appear to have it all.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Appearence is not everything! Whats inside counts


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ing said:


> I have a few friends who were "left behind" in all cases the one who left *seems* to come out best. It sucks.
> They are the ones who move someone in to a house, set up a new family, take your kids out for family fun days.
> They appear to found love. They appear to have it all.


Notice I highlighted the word 'seems' because we really don't know what is really happening inside those new homes.

I've also known a few unfaithful spouses who have left their spouses and families. Some of these unfaithful I've seen later betrayed and left by the one they escaped to. Poetic justice indeed.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

morituri said:


> Notice I highlighted the word 'seems' because we really don't know what is really happening inside those new homes.
> 
> I've also known a few unfaithful spouses who have left their spouses and families. Some of these unfaithful I've seen later betrayed and left by the one they escaped to. Poetic justice indeed.


Mori, nice to hear this. But in how many cases does it happen?


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

AppleDucklings said:


> Yet, he gets to have someone to sleep next to at night. He gets to have someone to hold and someone who loves him. Maybe I'm just bitter, but I think he does not deserve to have that. I find it unfair that someone like him (my ex husband) who did nothing but cheat on me and treated me like crap gets to have love, while I, who was 100% faithful and loyal and stood by my marriage vows gets nothing.
> 
> I'm a good person, I'm a great catch. But why can't I have love? Why is that the one who cheats gets that and those of us who were betrayed can't have that? Seems very unfair.
> 
> *sighs...................



Its more proof that life is not fair if you have a set deity you believe in than your god will surely tell it all to you or you would have learned and that the bad actions of others will come back to haunt them even after they die on this little earth. You sound like a good woman and you are reflecting on some past actions and are deeply affected by the changes they caused to your family and to your life. There are many different views you can have on this i am imaging that you are doing better and hope you are so best of luck to you. 

However yes you are right its not fair at all its not fair at all that so many people suffer period its not fair that some people in our country starve to death. Its not fair that some people see there family members killed or raped, its not fair that many people never find love in there life its not fair that some people die before ever finding love. Gratitude can help you a lot and you likely live in a 1st world country that is prosperous so your problems are rather on the smaller side though believe me if you happen to be say in an area were most people are well off and happy than often when you are hurt or having problems it seems that everyone else has a "Perfect life" when that is never the case and only few times are their lives really much better than your's. Than again that is all based off perception so yeah it really just depends. 



Best of luck i feel bad for you that you had a man that treated you like that.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Complexity said:


> It's not really love if he's bouncing from one woman to another. People like that never have love because they don't know what it is.


True

people i know who were betrayed seem to eventually find someone and they love. Id imagine their marriages are very strong basically i think most good people will get hurt at some time but eventually two good people will meet and get to embrace ina long last loving.


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

Apple, I have kept up with you. Our timeline is similar. I'm about 1 year out from D-day. I busted my wife on an ea later found out from others it was a pa also. I healed quicker than normal and moved on. About 7 months ago I met my current girlfriend and she is a blessing from God. I prayed to get my family back and my prayers are coming together - just not with my x. God will take care of those who believe in him, put him first and ask. In fact, today my girlfriend and I put an offer on a house together for our new family. My kids have resentment or their mother and they adore my girlfriend. We will get married, but not sure when - maybe on my 40th birthday in November. 
Meanwhile, my cheater x-wife's affair didn't last long and she has somewhat estranged herself. She's rolling in debt and can't hardly keep up. She had to downsize apartments last week. I'm considering asking her to rent our old family home she walked away from when my new family comes together. 
So, in my case the cheater is way-more worse off. 
Apple you're a strong woman and God has big plans for you. Just keep the faith and stay strong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Hey Apple!
I'll come sweep you off your feet.:smthumbup:

BRB






Sorry, the wife said "no". :whip:


Cheer up, Sweetie. He'll come along. You deserve it and when he does show up, you'll know it's right. :yay:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> Mori, nice to hear this. But in how many cases does it happen?


Who cares! Even if it wasn't the norm I would rather be a betrayed husband than a cheating husband any day of the week.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Last night, I went out with my girl friend. I met a man down at the bar who was very attracted to me. We danced and had a fun time. He gave me this brand new, with tags Chicago Blackhawks jersey valued at about $300 as a gift in hopes I would date him. I thanked him for the gift but I turned down the date. Why? I had absolutely no attraction towards him. He also told me about a Condo in Florida he owned, which sits on the beach, that he wanted to take me to, and he was going to give me free use of a credit card with a $100,000 on it to buy whatever I wanted. I turned this all down (well, he insisted I keep the jersey, so I did) Why did I turn all of this down? Well, because first of all, I was not in any way attracted to him. He was much older than me being that he was the same age as my parents, second he reeked of cigarette smoke which was a total turn off and third, I am NOT someone to be bought. When I do meet someone, it will be for the real thing, for real love. I want someone who will love me genuinely, and not because they have money to "buy me". Yeah, so last night I turned down a beach front condo in Florida and a $100,000 all because I'd rather have real love, not because someone "paid for me".

Then again, who knows if he was for real. He could have been just another huge bullsh*tter. Even if he was for real, it still wouldn't happen. I am NOT to be bought with gifts and money. I want someone who will love me because they truly do. So yeah, he can keep his money and his condo. What I want has a much higher value on it.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You turned down a $100k and a beach front in Florida and he is as old as your parents!
Do the math!

Seriously..
Apple. I have been privileged to get to know you over the last year in a terrible, terrible time.

You and I both came out with wounds that were deeper than only infidelity. We both need to be careful not to repeat the mistakes we made. It is going to take time. TIME. 
Your young, your attractive and you have a wicked sense of humour. Just let it role. Let it role.

Put me on the TAM "Marry Apple" list


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Bottom line---is that somewhere in your future---you will get what you want, you will get your true love.

Your scum of a H---is already bouncing from one cheater(woman who aided him in his cheating) to another woman, and probably will cheat with/on them all---so your H., has his own private little he*l to deal with

Karma is always there----


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ing said:


> You turned down a $100k and a beach front in Florida and he is as old as your parents!
> Do the math!
> 
> Seriously..
> ...


There's a list? 

Thank you, Ing. I have been blessed to have you as a friend as well. I am very thankful for all the times you have been there for me, as well as everyone else who has saw me through this past year (as I approach my 1 yr anniversary here on TAM) I have gone from a crying, sobbing, don't-know-what-to-do mess to learning how to stand up for myself and learning to put Asshat in his place, and not allow him to walk all over me. It's funny because every now and then he still tries but I stand firm. One day he actually told me, and I quote him "I have authority over you." (this was in regards to a visitation with our daughter) After I re-composed myself from pissinng myself laughing, I let him know that he had no authority over me and he was an idiot for even thinking so.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You go girl,



BTW, do you got that guys #? Hum....I'm a big Hawks fan LOL


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