# Wtf is going on? This is NOT my fault!



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im confused. It was 33 days since my H seen or spoke to the kids. Last night at 6:30pm he knocks. I allow him in to see the kids. Why? I guess because I cant find my inner hate or anger to this man. Wtf? After everything! Really?! So he stays an hr-i didnt speak to him the entire time. When he gets ready to leave here comes my emotions. I took him in the kitchen and askd him why he never faught for us or me? Why did he just cheat and walk away? He said he lost his fight for me?! What does that mean I didnt cheat I didnt walk out. Why do I still want him after all his affairs and blatent disrespect? I need a kick in the ass!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Mama..it would be helpful to keep all of your postings under one thread.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

In order to allow himself to cheat he had to justify it in his own mind. While he was cheating on you he was also lowering you in his own mind. Rewriting history, until finally he was able to tell himself he tried but there was nothing he could do.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

New to TAM-how do I keep under 1 thread? Just keep posting on the same one?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

mama2five said:


> New to TAM-how do I keep under 1 thread? Just keep posting on the same one?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yup


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

From wikipedia :

"The red pill and its opposite, the blue pill, are pop culture symbols representing the choice between the blissful ignorance of illusion (blue) and embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality (red).

The terms, popularized in science fiction culture, derive from the 1999 film The Matrix. In the movie, the main character Neo is offered the choice between a red pill and a blue pill. The blue pill would allow him to remain in the fabricated reality of the Matrix. The red pill would lead to his escape from the Matrix and into the "real world".
"


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Anyone have any blue pills to spare?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im confused. It was 33 days since my H seen or spoke to the kids. Last night at 6:30pm he knocks. I allow him in to see the kids. Why? I guess because I cant find my inner hate or anger to this man. Wtf? After everything! Really?! So he stays an hr-i didnt speak to him the entire time. When he gets ready to leave here comes my emotions. I took him in the kitchen and askd him why he never faught for us or me? Why did he just cheat and walk away? He said he lost his fight for me?! What does that mean I didnt cheat I didnt walk out. Why do I still want him after all his affairs and blatent disrespect? I need a kick in the ass!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



The fact he waits so long to see his own children should really tell you all you need to know.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Why do I still want him after all his affairs and blatent disrespect? I need a kick in the ass!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Consider it kicked!

Snap out of it! 

Where's your self-respect and dignity?

What could you possibly want in a POS like him?

You are better than that.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im confused. It was 33 days since my H seen or spoke to the kids. Last night at 6:30pm he knocks. I allow him in to see the kids. Why? I guess because I cant find my inner hate or anger to this man. Wtf? After everything! Really?! So he stays an hr-i didnt speak to him the entire time. When he gets ready to leave here comes my emotions. I took him in the kitchen and askd him why he never faught for us or me? Why did he just cheat and walk away? He said he lost his fight for me?! What does that mean I didnt cheat I didnt walk out. Why do I still want him after all his affairs and blatent disrespect? I need a kick in the ass!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The problem is you're in the BS fog. It's 33 days, what's the status of the divorce?? Why it's not filed yet?? You don't need hate or anger to file for divorce. If you're not important to him then he is not important to you. Don't react, get into the driver seat and start acting.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Your right all of you. And I just need this site so bad im tired of wavering on this teetertotter! Divorce is not filed. Im going to take charge. I have to get my dignity and self respect back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Mama letting him into see the kids was the right thing to do. You need to keep doing the right things. Pick up the phone right now and get that D in motion. Have seen and IC yet? Lets make an appt. If yoiu need help finding one. You can call a local church they have lists of local IC's

Tell your STBXH to call next time he wants to see the kids.


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## WhatASituation (Sep 27, 2012)

Yes always, always create an environment conducive to him having easy access to his kids (with a simple phone call and schedules permitting of course). What he does with that environment is up to him but at least you know you've done everything to help maintain the father-child relationships. Make it on him.

And yes, get some IC, file and move on. You deserve someone later on who will appreciate who you are!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ovid said:


> Anyone have any blue pills to spare?


If mine had blue pills, there would BE NO spares!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Ovid said:


> Anyone have any blue pills to spare?


Yeah. Facebook sells them in bulk.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Im confused. It was 33 days since my H seen or spoke to the kids. Last night at 6:30pm he knocks. I allow him in to see the kids. Why? I guess because I cant find my inner hate or anger to this man. Wtf? After everything! Really?! So he stays an hr-i didnt speak to him the entire time. When he gets ready to leave here comes my emotions. I took him in the kitchen and askd him why he never faught for us or me? Why did he just cheat and walk away? He said he lost his fight for me?! What does that mean I didnt cheat I didnt walk out. *Why do I still want him after all his affairs and blatent disrespect? I need a kick in the ass!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because you still love him. But he is not worthy of your love.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Its so much easier to swallow the blue pill than the red!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

As far as IC what do i tell them? Its much easier to talk about your life behind a screen. Im afraid of judgement. But i do feel like a royal dumbass!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

So my H came and seen the kids again this evening. Things were ok for a little bit and then we got in a discussion which resulted in an argument and him blaming it bein over on me?! Im not perfect far from it and damn ive tried! I put my heart and soul into this man and he broke me. I had to leave the room-i couldnt hold back the tears any longer. He tells me I never wanted it to work and my attitude is ****ty? Well HELLO! Ive only bn lied 2 an cheated on for so long. I just dont know ugh! I want to scream I want to cry. This is so difficult. I look at him and I miss the man I married not this cold hearted son of a *****. He hugged the kids and left when I exited the room. My heart is broken.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your lousy evening but try your best to understand that he has unfortunately changed ...... we all do. Sad to see that he hasn't changed for the better and he isn't that same man you fell in love with and married  try your best to keep your chin up and move on.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

This sucks. It seems like its never going to get better. Im so hurt and he doesnt care! He seems so cold like stone towards me. Why cant I be like that towards him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I found out tonight that OW bought my H an Htc Evo- shoes-clothes- an the icing A CAR! I dont get this at all. Why am I so hurt? Why cant I find the ice in my veins and let go? Ive done nothing but cry since putting the kids to bed. my head hurts,my eyes hurt and my heart hurts. I gave so much of my time and self to this man-almost all of my 20s. Here I am 30yrs old with a failed marriage. Idk where to go. I dnt know how to move on. i want to be able to say his cheating ass is her problem but damn im stuck in this fantasy that he is going to do a 360 and be super dad and husband..im nauseated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I need some 2x4s.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

H emailed me at 3am..I just got it this morning. He said I have been dead to him since 2008 and that he has moved on with an OW that nobody knows. My friends hate him and want me to move on. My family feels the same. So why cant i? Where is my courage to say im going forward. He doesnt love me anymore. Doesnt even respect me the mother of his children. I want to crawl under a rock.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I found out tonight that OW bought my H an Htc Evo- shoes-clothes- an the icing A CAR! I dont get this at all. Why am I so hurt? Why cant I find the ice in my veins and let go? Ive done nothing but cry since putting the kids to bed. my head hurts,my eyes hurt and my heart hurts. I gave so much of my time and self to this man-almost all of my 20s. Here I am 30yrs old with a failed marriage. Idk where to go. I dnt know how to move on. i want to be able to say his cheating ass is her problem but damn im stuck in this fantasy that he is going to do a 360 and be super dad and husband..im nauseated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im sorry to say but I dont think thats ever going to happen and it surely wont happen until you are stable and dont give a **** about him. As long as he knows you are hurting and cant move on he will see you as weak. Its when you are strong and brave and dont give a damn anymore that they are attracted to you. Its a sick mind game.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

mama2five said:


> H emailed me at 3am..I just got it this morning. He said I have been dead to him since 2008 and that he has moved on with an OW that nobody knows. My friends hate him and want me to move on. My family feels the same. So why cant i? Where is my courage to say im going forward. He doesnt love me anymore. Doesnt even respect me the mother of his children. I want to crawl under a rock.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is where you pick your ass up and you look at your kids and make a decision to be a better person for them. Do not let this sorry POS define you! You are better then that, your kids need you and if you wake up tomorrow for no other reason you do it for your kids because they need you to be strong! Go to counseling, get a job (if you dont have one already) and do something that makes you happy. BABY STEPS!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

He told me he is talking to someone who doesnt fault him for his wrongs. Wtf? And that he finally has feelings and compassion-just not for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Let me see...

You were with him for an extended period.
You had five kids with him.
You have the pain of feeling rejected.
You are also probably feeling that you need him for support.

Unfortunately all of these things are sunk cost, and you cannot depend on him for anything. 

You need to do the 180 so you can disconnect from him emotionally. 

Adopt an exercise program to relieve stress.

Spend more time with supportive people.

Drop his sorry @$$. No question you can do better than being less than plan B.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

9yrs total. 7 married. 4 children. I feel totally rejected. I hate what he has done to my kids and I. Ic apt set for monday. I need to regain control of my emotions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Update?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

mama2five said:


> H emailed me at 3am..I just got it this morning. He said I have been dead to him since 2008 and that he has moved on with an OW that nobody knows. My friends hate him and want me to move on. My family feels the same. So why cant i? Where is my courage to say im going forward. He doesnt love me anymore. Doesnt even respect me the mother of his children. I want to crawl under a rock.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 You can't move on because you still love him. In order for you to move on you need to close this chapter of your life. You should file for D first. I know it will be hard, but you have to do it for you. Always remember what ever doesn't kill, will only make you stronger. I would also recommend you do the 180.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Well I went to my first IC APT today..it was ok-not sure if I feel comfortable. However Im on day 2 of NC and still hurting but doing better nonetheless. I also got a few numbers for legal counsel so im going to look into those as well. Baby steps..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Just keep pushing forward. Come here if you need support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama mama mama,....

get off the merrigoround...no more 'talks' in the kitchen. You need to learn to stop doing that. Keep it strickly business. You seriously need to start the 180 now...that gets you off that ride. You need to listen to us...because this is 'how' we do it. We're not telling you this stuff because we feel like pushing buttons here on the keyboard. 
Who gives rip roarin' @zz what she buys him...she's 'buying' him...let it go. She's got herself a cheater. We went through this mama. You need to get a grip. It's hard. Keep conversations about the kids. Period. And not 'initiate' conversation about 'kids' to have conversation. 
You can't control him. 
Your not going to change anything. Let him go. He's a dmn joke. He's not a family man. He's a serial cheater. What are you trying to hold onto exactly? More disrespect and insecurity? Ya...cos you need more of that right? Knock it the he!! off. 

Afraid of being alone? Is that it? So am I. So are a gazillion other TAMERS out here...and? So..? Ya...were all afraid together. Your not gonna 'die'. Your still gonna breathe in...and breathe out. Like it or not. And on top of it you have four kids...four...that's a dang high number...plenty high enough for you to stay busy focusing on their needs as well as your own. 

Stop engaging with him. It doesn't work does it? Here's an idea...try the 180...followed by a divorce! That's a new one...in between there do your counseling and focus every second you can on your self respect...stop emailing him too. There's nothing left to say. Have you not said it all? Are you not repeating yourself by now? 

Be done talking/communicating. If it has nothing to do with the kids...be done. You have too. Get off...the merrigoround mama...right now....


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella-ur like a guardian angel your just the kick in the ass I needed lol! Its bn 2 full days NC and I actually feel quite good! Ive had my moments where my mind says "email him" oh "just call him" but I got motivated and those feelings passed! Ur right whn it comes to talking to him it is a bunch of repeating things. Ive said all I needed to him. Im up off my ass,dusted it off and on a mission to LIVE! Thanks for the 2x4's they are always welcome 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)




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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Stella-ur like a guardian angel your just the kick in the ass I needed lol! Its bn 2 full days NC and I actually feel quite good! Ive had my moments where my mind says "email him" oh "just call him" but I got motivated and those feelings passed! Ur right whn it comes to talking to him it is a bunch of repeating things. Ive said all I needed to him. Im up off my ass,dusted it off and on a mission to LIVE! Thanks for the 2x4's they are always welcome
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I know those moments doll...I can't reach for the crack pipe either honey...lol!!! :rofl:


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Lmao! I sure do feel like im having withdraws at times! You live an you learn. I just ordered a few books-co dependant no more and love is a choice-how to break free from addictive relationships. Everytime I want my "pipe" ill just read lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> mama mama mama,....
> 
> get off the merrigoround...no more 'talks' in the kitchen. You need to learn to stop doing that. Keep it strickly business. You seriously need to start the 180 now...that gets you off that ride. You need to listen to us...because this is 'how' we do it. We're not telling you this stuff because we feel like pushing buttons here on the keyboard.
> Who gives rip roarin' @zz what she buys him...she's 'buying' him...let it go. She's got herself a cheater. We went through this mama. You need to get a grip. It's hard. Keep conversations about the kids. Period. And not 'initiate' conversation about 'kids' to have conversation.
> ...


Wow Stella!!!:smthumbup:
All I can say is :iagree: totally.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Lmao! I sure do feel like im having withdraws at times! You live an you learn. I just ordered a few books-co dependant no more and love is a choice-how to break free from addictive relationships. Everytime I want my "pipe" ill just read lol!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good m2f!! You are progressing for the better.
And I just want to add my 2 cents 'However tough the situation goes,never ever think you and your children are VICTIMS;YOU ARE NOT;Nobody can harm or take away your happiness';

And you are a blessed woman to ahve 4 children;You shall never,never be alone in life;Life will move on smoothly in bringing them up and turning them into healthy and happy beings away from the shadow of their fathr's deceit;


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> mama mama mama,....
> 
> get off the merrigoround...no more 'talks' in the kitchen. You need to learn to stop doing that. Keep it strickly business. You seriously need to start the 180 now...that gets you off that ride. You need to listen to us...because this is 'how' we do it. We're not telling you this stuff because we feel like pushing buttons here on the keyboard.
> Who gives rip roarin' @zz what she buys him...she's 'buying' him...let it go. She's got herself a cheater. We went through this mama. You need to get a grip. It's hard. Keep conversations about the kids. Period. And not 'initiate' conversation about 'kids' to have conversation.
> ...


Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn girlfriend!!! 

Great post!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Stella Idk where you get your wisdom but im pulling from it and it feels awesome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Stella Idk where you get your wisdom but im pulling from it and it feels awesome!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have gotten my wisdom from experience. 
God
my fellow TAMERS. 
Books. 
Individual counseling. 
Group counseling for domestic violence. 
...and some womanly gut instinct...lol.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am doing much better as each day passes. The heartache lessens-and when im triggered by a memory I just get busy doing anything I can to reroute my thoughts. This 180 is really for the better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

mama2five said:


> New to TAM-how do I keep under 1 thread? Just keep posting on the same one?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly. Because those following your story will continue.

Those that just tuned in can then easily find out your back story.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mama, you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. You are taking care of yourself and your children. You sure do not need the drama in your life.

Keep it up!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Im going to do this. I dnt care how long it takes me! Thbnk you all 4 ur support!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Good song to boost your mood-Destiny's Child-Im a survivor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

So I guess since I didnt speak to H earlier when I seen him it bothered him? Lo and behold I just got an email from him that says- I have met someone, Ive never felt this way and nothing is going to hold me back. Goodbye. and here come the tears-the feelings of not being good enough. The feeling of rejection. Why do I allow him to play on my emotions? 3 steps bk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> So I guess since I didnt speak to H earlier when I seen him it bothered him? Lo and behold I just got an email from him that says- I have met someone, Ive never felt this way and nothing is going to hold me back. Goodbye. and here come the tears-the feelings of not being good enough. The feeling of rejection. Why do I allow him to play on my emotions? 3 steps bk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


M2f,He gets the biggest LOSER award from Me.OK.
He cannot see you move on.
For whom are you crying.He does not deserve to be your mate;Do you want someone who breaks his vows and on top of that he is so disrespectful as to treat you in this manner;
Good you ignored him.He could not take it and played this childish prank of hurting you with that email.

I suggest, you write back just two words 'Good ,Congratulations.!!I hope you found the happiness you were looking for what made you leave your 4 chldren.Thanks.Bye!"


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

And M2f, You are not good enough for whom - THAT MAN WITGHOUT ANY INTEGRITY_THE MAN WHO COULD LEAVE HIS 4 KIDS-DO YOU EVALUATE YOUR WORTH ON A CHEATER"S SCALE-GOOD MEN>WOMEN NEVER EVER ABANDON THEIR FAMILY,NEVER_THEY WORK ON IT;

The best thing si ignore him;You are already getting on to his nerver by ignoring him;This time be really indifferent and care just for your life.Do you get me.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Its good when you feel like crying or down ,post here,But in real life,aim towards being strong and moving ahead in life.AND I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU FOR IGNORING HIM-THE Piece of s***.

I just wish I had the courage to that when I was with the EX.I let him walk all over me;Good the divorce is on.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> So I guess since I didnt speak to H earlier when I seen him it bothered him? Lo and behold I just got an email from him that says- I have met someone, Ive never felt this way and nothing is going to hold me back. Goodbye. and here come the tears-the feelings of not being good enough. The feeling of rejection. Why do I allow him to play on my emotions? 3 steps bk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


he is playing mind games with you.Wants to pull you down with him.IGNORE HIM BIG TIME.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Jmb- I have lost my self. I dont want my heart to be stuck on this man who I know deep down doesnt deserve my children or myself. I cant see how God would bless him with anyone good after his actions towards our family. He has 0 remorse. The thought of him finding "the one" hurts sooo bad! I have to be strong all day everyday for my kids. I dont want them to see me hurting or crying. After I put them to bed tonight I cried. Hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Let me tell you one thing for sure.He shall never ever find 'THE ONE'!!!
A cheat never finds 'THE ONE!!'.
He is playing mind games because you went NC,he see you strong for the first time without him and without taking his crap,your IGNORING him hurt his sad EGO,SO he wants to pull you back with him in his dirty imaginary world.

Its OK, you cried and you post.But know youa re already doing the RIGHT thing.
And its good you see his true colours.A cheat can never be good for anyone ;


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

See M2f,
Please pick yourself up.Pray to God and have the faith you shall be happy and peaceful.I am sure of that.Know of his as someone whi is jealous of you and is hurting you intentionally.

You have to plan your life now.Are you sound financially else fix the child support thing.Work on re-decorating the house;Work on new ideas to involve your kids,They must be tired.Can you start a hapy environment again with just you and the kids.
Groom yourslef.You are a pretty cute lady.I see your photo.Think of how you would date a good and healthy man who would love and respect you.Let this thought alone bring back the liveliness in you.But foremost you need to take care of yourself.Healthy mind and healthy body.Excercise,eat good food and pamper yourself;The more you take care of yourself,the external factirs will stop affecting you.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

do not buy his crap anymore m2f.You have to see clearly what POS he eally is.DO not waste your tears on him really.Do you understand.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Yes I understand. I appreciate you talking with me tonight. I never thought this would happen but I know its for the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Yes I know how it feels when it happens to us;at first I could not believe it either.I cried for months,begged,pleaded;then do not from where got the energy to move on;stopped taking any crap.went total NC and accepted the divorce;One thing I learnt was tht my life and happiness is not because of anyone;nobodies coming and going shall ever make me cry again.
Cheer up,you are not alone.we have felt the same and gone through worst only to find us back not only surviving but with new zeal and energy.Give yourself time and be kind to yourself;


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Wide awake thanks to mind movies...ugh I gotta shake this! :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Do you pray,meditate,deep breathing(concentrate on breathing) for relaxation!!!


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Jmb- I have lost my self. I dont want my heart to be stuck on this man who I know deep down doesnt deserve my children or myself. I cant see how God would bless him with anyone good after his actions towards our family. He has 0 remorse. The thought of him finding "the one" hurts sooo bad! I have to be strong all day everyday for my kids. I dont want them to see me hurting or crying. After I put them to bed tonight I cried. Hard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This "fantastic" woman hes seeing that's buying him gifts is knowingly dating a married man. I guarantee she's not as great as he thinks at the moment, and will turn out not to be the "blessing" he believes she is at the moment. 

After you've learned to move on and kicked his sorry butt to the curb he will find out he left a good thing for a bad one.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Your right Ovid. She cant have any morals. Woke up feeling better, lets hope its a good day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

mama2five said:


> So I guess since I didnt speak to H earlier when I seen him it bothered him? Lo and behold I just got an email from him that says- I have met someone, Ive never felt this way and nothing is going to hold me back. Goodbye. and here come the tears-the feelings of not being good enough. The feeling of rejection. Why do I allow him to play on my emotions? 3 steps bk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know why he said this?? Because you didnt give him the time of day. Its a control tactic. He wants to see you cry and beg and doesnt want to see that you are strong and moving on. He wants to know that he has you wrapped around his finger. Truth is that this woman is a scumbag just like him. I mean who else would destroy a family?

Here is a little something that you can think about and it might make you smile thinking about what your WH might be saying to the OW. My WH lived with his skank for a while. I constantly told him she was a cheater, her X had told me that he had caught her before, my WH even caught her talking to other guys. He was living with her and checking her panties....LMAO. Seriously.....he cheated, she cheated and now he's making sure she isnt cheating on him. He also told her on one occassion during a fight (I learned this info from his BFF) that you cant turn a HO into a housewife. Funny huh? They know what they have, they just convince themselves its better on the other side of the fence. Once they get there and reality kicks in they realize its not so great. 
I hope for your sake, and for the kids sake that by the time he realizes it that you are so over him he laugh in his face when he crawls back. I wasnt that strong. I sometimes hate myself for it now!


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

One thing you should keep in mind. 

If she's so wonderful, why does she have to buy a married mans affection?


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

You guys are great! You are giving me alot to think about this am. And its definately putting a smile on my face. And letdwn- I pray that when he decides to come bk Ill be long over him. Im almost positive it will happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

mama, my ex did something similar when I totally cut him out and went NC a couple months after moving out. 

Had to text him about some divorce stuff, he used it as an opportunity to call me and talk to me about about 30min about his life and just happened to 'causally mention' how he met someone. Tried to make it sound so grand and great. I really didn't care and was happy for him but I"m sure he thought it made me miserable. 

There was no point in him telling me that information other than to get under my skin, make me upset and mind fvck me. 

Just realize he sucks and you are way better off without him. He's her problem now!!!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Kelly Clarkson - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - YouTube
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am having a good day-there fore glad he isnt my problem anymore.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Its a beautiful morning! (insert sarcasm-its dark and gloomy outside). Another rough night...its bad enough STBXH has to invade my thoughts all day long,but my dreams too?! This would almost be easier if we could erase the memories like on that movie Men In Black. Im just tired...
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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

You are doing better m2f ;5 days NC is a start to a new confident you; and yes you will have dreams and all because we see what we think in our dreams;with time it will get better and better without any pain but a clear mind.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

What are your guys opinions/thoughts on the WS actually finding their soulmate during betrayel? Do you think God would even allow such a blessing?
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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I just read your thread I'm so sorry your going through this. However I know you were married to this man and had children with him but he is trying to hurt you on purpose and that to me is another level of sick and twisted you can't love someone who is wants to hurt you and rub that hurt in your face. I know when you think of him you think about the old him. Now he is a jerk that is trying to pull you down. Please keep in mind that when you think you miss him it's not him anymore. And don't read any more of his emails in fact this should be your one and only response "Don't contact me unless it has to do with the kids." and leave it at that. You will be just fine look at this as day one of your new life, be there for your kids, hang out with people you know have your back have lunch with gf's , do things that make you feel good about yourself. And take each day at a time.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Krismimo-I am trying my best to take this one day at a time. My kids are my motivation. I dont want them to grow up in an unhealthy environment so im going to do whatever it takes to move on. It gets a little easier as each day passes-but my thoughts of hope still creep up on me and wishing he will do a 360. Even if he did would I even want him back? Each day finding more of my self respect tells me no!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Day 6 NC...a little easier...spent today with family. Now time for dreaded bed.
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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Cool mama, Day 6.Great.......

You shall soon be able to sleep like a baby, happy and carefree.Just wait and watch!!!God bless you!!


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks Jmb- Im getting there! 
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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

Soon, you will be 100% on your feet. I went through this over two years ago. Here's the reality:

1.) This is bad. A marriage ending, separation or whatever it turns out to be is a bad thing. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it. This feels bad, it *is *bad. When you look back, you will marvel at your strength, but it will _still _feel bad. 

2.) If you choose to, you can still have a happy, positive and beautiful life despite the fact that this bad thing has happened. It is up to you.

3.) It does not matter if he has found his "soulmate"; if his relationship with OW ends next week or 20 years from now. What matters is your children and your life. Learn to bounce your thoughts. Whenever I would think of my XH in those early days, I forced myself to bounce my thoughts from him, back to me. I'm the one who matters, after all. It takes awhile but it works. Now, whenever I think of my XH, my thoughts automatically turn back to me, to self-love, to self-care, to my strength...I am freaking awesome!

4.) Be as NC as you can possible be. In the early days, every interaction is a setback. 
-----------------------------------------------------

Love yourself, treat yourself well, be selfish, be 100% TEAM MAMA. I'm rooting for you.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

You are right. Thanks a bunch for responding. I am going to get over this, no matter how many setbacks I have. In my mind I have it set that I deserve better and so do my kids. I do not trust him. I dont even want to touch him anymore-after a million counts of infidelity I just dont have it in me anymore. I dnt want my kids to grow up thinking any of this behavior is right. I still dream of him and I do wonder am I making the right decision. It hurts when you dedicate so much of your life to someone and they just **** on you.
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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Mama,

I cannot tell you how many setbacks I have had. I have a beautiful fiance, three kids whom I have a great relationship with, but I have set backs everyday.

Take them in stride. You probably have setbacks every day in your life not related to this crap. You deal with them like they are nothing and you know what, those setbacks you have now are nothing.

You will grow. You will persevere. You will come out of this. Take this opportunity to better yourself and have a better understanding of what a marriage is truly supposed to be between 2 people and never settle for anything less.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I look forward to what a relationship between two ppl is supposed to be. Well a HEALTHY one! This marriage has taken so much out of me and has done nothing beneficial for me as a person.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Feeling blue today...waking up in this bed alone sucks. :'(
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I HATE HIM! I HATE WHAT HE HAS DONE AND IS DOING TO OUR FAMILY! I HATE THAT I WAS SO STUPID AND NIEVE FOR SO ****ING LONG! I HATE THAT I HAVE TO PUT MY KIDS AND I THRU A DIVORCE PROCEDURE BECAUSE MY H COULDNT KEEP HIS **** IN HIS PANTS! AGGGGHHHHHHH! I really needed to vent..just was looking over some divorce papers and realize how REAL this is becoming..im shaking im just so upset but not crying-dont want to upset my kids. Ugh FML!
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Well I had to break NC to ask H about some of the info on the D papers..the convo was civil by phone lasted 6:18 and it ended because he said "Im done with this." I said "what?" he replies "I cant do this." WTF?!
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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you m2f.He probably doesn't like the fact you're taking this stand because after all you've always taken him back when his affairs go south and he likes the status quo.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

TBT your prob right. A little part of my heart fluttered like "maybe he is realizing exactly what he is losing" then my brain snapped out of it and I realize I have to stay on my path!
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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I'm sorry mama. I have been following your story. Just stay strong. You have those great kids and it is his loss.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mama2five said:


> then my brain snapped out of it and I realize I have to stay on my path!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That just shows you're getting stronger mama! You can't look at things the way you used to anymore,not if you want a happier life for you and your kids.Stay strong.Try to have a good night...saying a prayer for you.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Cant sleep. I hate how he has this control over my heart still-after everything. Really?! Im so disgusted that I broke NC I was feeling good,now I feel like ****. H emailed me and said he will sign any papers I need him to,as long as its in front of a public witness and he wants 3 copies of everything? Ok ill provide 1 copy anything else im sure he knows how to run a xerox machine?! He has no emotion about this-earlier he sounded almost like he was hurting-but 6 hrs later he emails like its nothing. I ****ing hate this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Cant sleep. I hate how he has this control over my heart still-after everything. Really?! Im so disgusted that I broke NC I was feeling good,now I feel like ****. H emailed me and said he will sign any papers I need him to,as long as its in front of a public witness and he wants 3 copies of everything? Ok ill provide 1 copy anything else im sure he knows how to run a xerox machine?! He has no emotion about this-earlier he sounded almost like he was hurting-but 6 hrs later he emails like its nothing. I ****ing hate this!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mama,
he does not control your heart.You are a tough woman.Just that you never realized till today.

Also I know how sa dit feel when the actual legal thing take place.It hurts like hell as if the reality had not sunk before that!!!I have been there recently.But I took hold of my life.You are already doing that.But be that way,Never under-estimate your strength.

And I knwo we have so much anger in us.It is natural,having trusted someone only to end up like this seems surreal.Let it be.It is all for our good.

I wish you well Mama.Cheer up for the good days will soon knock your day.You jst have to wait and open the door.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thanks jmb.
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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I hate being in such a whirl with my feelings. 
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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

mama2five said:


> I hate being in such a whirl with my feelings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Once you're on this ride there's no getting off. Doesn't matter if you R or D. It's the same emotional roller coaster.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Ovid said:


> Once you're on this ride there's no getting off. Doesn't matter if you R or D. It's the same emotional roller coaster.


It does get better.With time,with patience,with the self-worth and peace coming back.we jst have to try and focus to a happy and healthier life.:smthumbup:


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

How are you today M?


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

mama2five said:


> So I guess since I didnt speak to H earlier when I seen him it bothered him? Lo and behold I just got an email from him that says- I have met someone, Ive never felt this way and nothing is going to hold me back. Goodbye. and here come the tears-the feelings of not being good enough. The feeling of rejection. Why do I allow him to play on my emotions? 3 steps bk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Change your email address, close the other account, and don't ever give him your new email. He is getting a high from kicking you in the gut, so don't give him that pleasure any more.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

mama2five said:


> .. he wants 3 copies of everything? Ok ill provide 1 copy anything else im sure he knows how to run a xerox machine?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See, getting a sassy attitude will be SO much better for you. It came out a little bit here, and this will help you to keep those feelings in check, until they do finally fade away.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Had a horrible day. My fault though. Did a complete backslide. You can read my other post in the Going Thru Divorce Or Seperation forum titled- someone anyone help me out of this darkness...
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