# Girlfriend had sex between breakup



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Im going to get beat up here but Im looking for a mental tool to help. I dated someone for 3 years and we broke up. Within a couple weeks she was having sex with a man for about 3 months. When I found out, I began to date and did the same. 
We are back together but I can not get it out of my mind. I have always been attracted to females with great moral character and yes I know today is much different than years ago and yes ALL men are hipocrites when it comes to this. After a 3 year relationship, I thought she would take some time to heal. I wanted the same and thought that we would get back together. I was blown away that she ran into another mans bed.
She has many excuses and I will be told she needs none. 
I just cant get it out of my head as to why and if she is of a good solid moral character. 
If a man or women is reading this, maybe they have had similar experience. She has told me that sex was horrible with him and that she was always "dry" and it hurt.
She doesn't know why she did it other than to get me out of her mind.
Thankyou


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Good lord, just break up with her and set her free from the pressure of trying to reassure you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I think you wrote this before...but here is the bottom line...either learn to deal with it (like apparently she has) or move on...no middle ground.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You did it too. 

If you can't get over it, let her go. No way should you both be miserable and resentful over this. She has given you excuses, telling you what you want/need to hear....and it's not enough. Did you tell her how awful your sexual escapades were? Did you tell her how sad having sex with someone else was? How you couldn't really get hard enough so it wasn't quality sex?

If you did...then you are even. If you didn't...... why not? 

This is not one sided. 

Either get over it, call it even..... or let her go.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Oh well, I guess it's time to move on.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Its not that easy to just move on.
I feel that she is with me bc Im "home-base". I don't know anymore. I care about her but after 3 years,,its so hard to picture her with another man. I just cant figure out why she would do that bc she obviously didn't love him.
Im down, so the bashers could give me a little break


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You broke up. Didn't you think she would move on?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

OP,

If any person, M or F, comes out of a TRUE committed 3 year relationship and is banging away with someone else in all of 2 weeks, well it sure doesn't seem like that relationship was all that special to them.

As for the whole she was always dry and the sex was lousy stuff, that's just a lie.


Do yourself a favor and move on now.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

While she was dating him,,she was still calling me and saying that sex was horrible and she couldn't get wet,,etc...
He was 6'5" and I asked if he was "large" and she said he was normal but just dry bc she wasn't emotional attached.
Is that a lie?? Im not a women


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

rep said:


> While she was dating him,,she was still calling me and saying that sex was horrible and she couldn't get wet,,etc...
> He was 6'5" and I asked if he was "large" and she said he was normal but just dry bc she wasn't emotional attached.
> Is that a lie?? Im not a women


If its not a lie, then why have sex with him for 3 months ?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It doesn't even matter if it's a lie. 

Dating, having a specific girlfriend ....is for the purpose of seeing if she is the right one for you. IF you can't get past the fact that you both boinked someone else..... then she is not the right one for you.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

It's unfortunate, but it happened, and honestly, it's no big deal. I get why you feel it is, but the reality is that she did nothing wrong, technically speaking, that is.

Unless she knew you two would get back together, and this was a "break". But it doesn't seem that way.

So what gets me is why on earth was she telling you she was screwing some other guy not that long after you two broke up? It's disrespectful no matter how or why you broke up. People generally don't tell their exes all about their sex life, especially so soon after breaking up. With all due respect, this would not be a person I would get back together with, basically because of that alone. If telling you that the sex with this other guy is bad was some way of telling you she missed you, then she's sorely misguided and doesn't understand how relationships work, and she needs the manual called "things not to talk about with your ex".

In the end, I would say that it's fairly clear that this is a case of two people who have a familiarity with one another getting back together because of that reason alone. Mix in a bit of low self-esteem, and there you are. Rebound relationships (or just sex) are pretty much only to boost one's ego after a breakup. It makes you feel good that somebody else desires you and wants you, and helps you "get back on the horse". Why anybody's ex would share this with them is beyond me.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

rep said:


> She doesn't know why she did it other than to get me out of her mind.


People here are often told to go out and date and have sex with other people as a way to forget about their ex. Whether that's a good idea is debatable.

I'm just saying she might not be lying about wanting to get you out of her mind and having a rebound relationship to do it. That is not uncommon. Lots of people have rebound relationships.

If that isn't something you can accept, then you need to walk away from this relationship. It happened. You have no choice but to accept it or walk away.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

She told me bc we were still in contact and I asked.
She didn't want to talk about it. She was married 10 years and me 17 years. We were the first for each other after. We were together 3 years and after the break,,I intended to be alone a while a heal or was hoping we would chill and get back together. She quickly jumped into that and even said that she ran to the first guy thinking that if she slept with another man,,then I would never want her again. She was still in-love with me and after her 1st month with him,,she stsrted to call me. We eventually got back together but I resent her soo much. I cant stop thinking about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rep said:


> Im going to get beat up here but Im looking for a mental tool to help. I dated someone for 3 years and we broke up. Within a couple weeks she was having sex with a man for about 3 months. When I found out, I began to date and did the same.


What was the reason for the breakup?

Who initiated it?


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I did bc she was always allowing her ex-husband ruin things. Stupid really but not sure what that has to do with being able to get over her sex with another man


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

rep said:


> Im going to get beat up here but Im looking for a mental tool to help. I dated someone for 3 years and we broke up. Within a couple weeks she was having sex with a man for about 3 months. When I found out, I began to date and did the same.
> We are back together but I can not get it out of my mind. I have always been attracted to females with great moral character and yes I know today is much different than years ago and yes ALL men are hipocrites when it comes to this. After a 3 year relationship, I thought she would take some time to heal. I wanted the same and thought that we would get back together. I was blown away that she ran into another mans bed.
> She has many excuses and I will be told she needs none.
> I just cant get it out of my head as to why and if she is of a good solid moral character.
> ...


Think back to that time. You were insecure and hurting and searching for ways to get over her. Maybe she was doing the same.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Good lord, just break up with her and set her free from the pressure of trying to reassure you.


:iagree: And get thyself into therapy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

IIRC, this is the second thread you've posted on this subject and one of many threads on her and the problems of moving on without her and now being back with her. You tend to just abandon your threads after getting tons of great advice that makes no impression. I've posted on probably all of them and I'm familiar with the issues you have with her. One of the reasons you like her is because of how she looks. You need to expect that other men find her equally attractive. And not be surprised that she would act on that after you broke up. I think she told you all that stuff to make you jealous and it worked a little too well. 

Accept her or break up for good with her. I personally think, considering how she's acted in the past, you're better off without her but you seem to think you'll never find anyone that attractive again so there's that to deal with. You can't change what happened and you were doing the same thing as well. The double standard at its worst. 

This is your 2x4.

PS
Not all men are hypocrites.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Ive seen therapist. Same stuff.
I do care about her,,I loved her sooo dearly once. Now,,I can only think about her having sex with another man. During sex,,I picture her,,,I ask a ton of questions. 
I really think I need a tool or something to get over it or yes,,,I hate to admit it or let her go. I would hate for 6 months to go by and I feel like an idoit for letting her go over that.
I thought that she would never have sex with anyone for a while,,, I feel like she is a **** now


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

When it's over, it's over. Don't you think you're a little too old and too experienced to play the breakup/makeup game? WTF!? Evidently you didn't like something about her so you broke it off. 

Move on already! 

Besides, if you are the one that broke it off in the first place, you have ZERO room to talk, judge or have any questions about what she did after you left her. What gives you the right to ask her about how big her partner was or any other intimate details? You broke it off, so you lose all those rights to any answers, period!

Newsflash dude. Most likely the guy was probably decent in bed at a minimum and she enjoyed it. Since he was a bigger dude than you in stature and body, most likely he had a bigger one than you too. LOL, how damn gullible are you? Actually, why in the fvck is she even telling you ANYTHING at all? She should be telling you none of your damn business!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

rep said:


> Ive seen therapist. Same stuff.
> I do care about her,,I loved her sooo dearly once. Now,,I can only think about her having sex with another man. During sex,,I picture her,,,I ask a ton of questions.
> I really think I need a tool or something to get over it or yes,,,I hate to admit it or let her go. I would hate for 6 months to go by and I feel like an idoit for letting her go over that.
> I thought that she would never have sex with anyone for a while,,, *I feel like she is a **** now*


GROW UP!!!!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

rep said:


> I did bc she was always allowing her ex-husband ruin things. Stupid really but not sure what that has to do with being able to get over her sex with another man


As I recall, YOU couldn't deal with her ex-husband and my advice to you was to stay out of it. You should be focusing on your control issues and not who she had sex with when you broke up with her. Counseling would be very beneficial. A lot of it.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Did the therapy. Prob best to move on but we have a lot of time together. Just cant get over her having sex with this other guy and I think he was large and yes,,,women will say it doesn't matter,,etc..
I do believe her that she didn't enjoy it and she does really enjoy with me but any guy would not be happy with this. Very painful


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I can't even...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

rep said:


> Did the therapy. Prob best to move on but we have a lot of time together. Just cant get over her having sex with this other guy and I think he was large and yes,,,women will say it doesn't matter,,etc..
> I do believe her that she didn't enjoy it and she does really enjoy with me but any guy would not be happy with this. Very painful


You have no shame...


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Maybe she just likes your Porsche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

rep said:


> She has many excuses and I will be told she needs none.
> I just cant get it out of my head as to why and if she is of a good solid moral character.
> She doesn't know why she did it other than to get me out of her mind.
> Thankyou


Every one deals with break ups and stress differently 




rep said:


> While she was dating him,,she was still calling me and saying that sex was horrible and she couldn't get wet,,etc...
> He was 6'5" and I asked if he was "large" and she said he was normal but just dry bc she wasn't emotional attached.
> Is that a lie?? Im not a women


The calling thing is weird but where you best friends? still weird for an ex.

Talk to her about that

She was probably not dry and he was probably not normal unless 8x5 is normal I am 6'4 size 13 shoe :smthumbup:

But who cares you are you, you have what you have if you dont know how to hit all of her spots after 3+ years read a book with her and have her show you what she likes pay attention to her little sounds and breathing she came back to you bro

She is trying to make you feel better because she knows and paid attention to you after 3+ years and knows how you take things 

Let it go just like frozen or let her go because one sure way to dry up a woman and ruin relationship, is to be a man with no confidence always second guessing himself trying to find fault with every thing that needs leadership instead of giving it

I had an old squad leader his favorite saying was dont be a paper mache d*ldo you know its all fun and fine till it gets wet and it falls apart


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rep said:


> I did bc she was always allowing her ex-husband ruin things. Stupid really but not sure what that has to do with being able to get over her sex with another man


The fact that you were the one who broke up with her has a lot to do with it.

You essentially threw her away. And now you are upset because she did not pine over you enough for your own liking.

When you throw someone away, you no right to then complain about the manner in which they try to move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rep said:


> Ive seen therapist. Same stuff.
> I do care about her,,I loved her sooo dearly once. Now,,I can only think about her having sex with another man. During sex,,I picture her,,,I ask a ton of questions.
> I really think I need a tool or something to get over it or yes,,,I hate to admit it or let her go. I would hate for 6 months to go by and I feel like an idoit for letting her go over that.
> I thought that she would never have sex with anyone for a while,,, *I feel like she is a **** now*


Have you told her that you feel like she's a slvt (or whatever that word is)?

Have you told her that you cannot love her and care for her like you once did because you not feel that she's a slvt?


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Rep, I hate to say it but you sound mentally unstable. You broke up with her and now you can't get over the fact she slept with another man? Please if you can't pull the plug on this relationship, at least send her here so we can support her in dealing with your unstable jealousy. 

You said you "were" in counseling? Please go back, you need a lot more to help you be healthy.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I appreciate the comments to help me see things differently. She was married 10 years,, then with me for 3 years. She came off as a good moral women. After we broke up,, she was having unprotected sex within 2 weeks snd allowing him to ejacukate in her (vasectomy),,,,,, to me there are many things wrong with this. 
I very much loved her moral ground while dating,,, now I can only think she's an easy ****???
Can't imagine most men wouldn't feel the same way


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

rep said:


> I appreciate the comments to help me see things differently. She was married 10 years,, then with me for 3 years. She came off as a good moral women. After we broke up,, she was having unprotected sex within 2 weeks snd allowing him to ejacukate in her (vasectomy),,,,,, to me there are many things wrong with this.
> I very much loved her moral ground while dating,,, now I can only think she's an easy ****???
> Can't imagine most men wouldn't feel the same way


Is this for real?

You're just ringing the bell to see which dog salivates.

Moral high ground. What about you?

After finding out she was with another man - what did you do?

You ran out and started doing the same thing with women.

Funny thing about pointing a finger at someone - you always have three pointing back at you.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I feel like we've been recently down this exact road before but can't quite put my finger on it.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/254289-getting-over-ex-having-sex.html

Anyhoo, just break up with her. Stop torturing her. You hold this and probably many other innocent behaviors over her head like a noose. Let she go. For her sake and for yours.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

rep said:


> I appreciate the comments to help me see things differently. She was married 10 years,, then with me for 3 years. She came off as a good moral women. After we broke up,, she was having unprotected sex within 2 weeks snd allowing him to ejacukate in her (vasectomy),,,,,, to me there are many things wrong with this.
> I very much loved her moral ground while dating,,, now I can only think she's an easy ****???
> Can't imagine most men wouldn't feel the same way


No, most men wouldn't. That's on you because you have a serious double standard. You broke up with her but expected her to not have sex with anyone because you thought eventually you would get back together. Instead she started seeing someone right away and, not surprisingly, had sex with him. OTOH, you had sex with several women while you were broken up (and complained none of them were as attractive as she is, IIRC, and wanted to know what you should do). You need to educate yourself about women. We aren't Vestal Virgins and we don't need to be. 

You definitely need to quit acting like she's the biggest **** on the planet and if you can't do that then let her go because she's now "damaged" in your eyes. (You should be more concerned about her lack of ambition and how she feels about your child than the fact she had sex with someone after you broke up with her.)


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

rep said:


> I appreciate the comments to help me see things differently. She was married 10 years,, then with me for 3 years. She came off as a good moral women. After we broke up,, she was having unprotected sex within 2 weeks snd allowing him to ejacukate in her (vasectomy),,,,,, to me there are many things wrong with this.
> I very much loved her moral ground while dating,,, *now I can only think she's an easy ****???*
> Can't imagine most men wouldn't feel the same way


You are absolutely right. Got knows how many dudes she banged while you were broke up.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

Everyone has history. What or who she did when you were broken up - is seriosuly none of your business. 

She is a grown woman and regardless of how long she waited or didn't wait - she made the choice. Good or bad (bad in your opinion) it's her choice and you need to move on or let it go. 

That one incident does not define who she is, it's a blip in her life, it shouldn't be the defining moment of your relationship together.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your feelings are your own. You have a right to feel what you feel and have a right to have a standard for values that people you have relationships with. A woman who has sex with someone she neither loves or is attracted to shows that she does not value herself. Of if she actually like the sex (more likely) she is a liar. Either way there is a problem.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Your feelings are your own. You have a right to feel what you feel and have a right to have a standard for values that people you have relationships with. A woman who has sex with someone she neither loves or is attracted to shows that she does not value herself. Of if she actually like the sex (more likely) she is a liar. Either way there is a problem.


And since the OP also had sex with women he didn't love just to get even with his ex who had started dating other men after he broke up with her, does that also make him someone who does not value himself?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My ex-H and I were divorced for about 4 years before we reconciled last year. I was a virgin when we married 19 years ago. He was not, but had only had one partner before me. While married TO me, he had at least one other. After we split, he quickly had sex with another. Then met a woman he quickly married. Obviously had sex with her, too. These are just the women I know about.

During our divorce, before we reconciled, I dated and had sex with a handful of men. When we reconciled, he sweet talked me and said the past was the past, only looking forward, etc. He'd tease me from time to time about my dating, asking about size, etc. I resisted every time he asked, saying I was not comfortable talking about it. The only thing I said was that he was the best ever, and that is actually true. He's really good in bed. Finally one night when we were drinking, he was teasing again, and I gave in and provided him with one small detail. From then on, he completely resented that I had others during our divorce. I believe his resentment of that is one of the hugest reasons he decided he no longer wants me and has recently called me a ***** for the first time. 

I'm bothered by him having sex with the woman he married (and divorced) because I know what she looks like. The others, I do not. But, I'm a big girl and had to learn to get over it. 

And, yes, it's true you can have sex with someone for a few months and experience the discomfort she described. Happened to me with only one person and nobody else. Not sure why. 

I don't know what your other issues are, but this woman needs to have nothing to do with you because you obviously no longer have any respect for her. 

And, who cares if she loved him. Did you love the woman you banged?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr. Rep says that when he broke up with her, his plan was to stay apart for a while and then after a while get back with her.

So he was playing games. The game was that he wanted things his way. So he dumped her expecting her to pine away for him, beg him to take her back. This would give him a feeling of control over the relationship .. he could then threaten to dump her every time he wanted her do things his way.

It back fired. She did not play his game. Instead, from her view point he threw her away. She was hurting and looked for a way to handle the hurt.

Rep, you brought this on yourself. It's time for you to start acting like a grown up guy. If you cannot take the fact that your game blew up in your face, then let her go ... this time for real.


Have you told her that you now feel that she is immoral and beneath you? You need to tell her this.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
When you break up with someone they are free to do whatever they wish with whoever they wish.

Later if you want to get back together you have to either accept what they did, or find someone else - exactly the same as in a brand new relationship.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

rep said:


> Ive seen therapist. Same stuff.
> I do care about her,,I loved her sooo dearly once. Now,,I can only think about her having sex with another man. During sex,,I picture her,,,I ask a ton of questions.
> I really think I need a tool or something to get over it or yes,,,I hate to admit it or let her go. I would hate for 6 months to go by and I feel like an idoit for letting her go over that.
> I thought that she would never have sex with anyone for a while,,, I feel like she is a **** now


Hypocrisy at this level just leaves me sorta speechless.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

norajane said:


> And since the OP also had sex with women he didn't love just to get even with his ex who had started dating other men after he broke up with her, does that also make him someone who does not value himself?


Yes...in my opinion it's the same.

Rep, I see the double standard as something different than what others do. 

What I see is a man who does not like the fact that she found another man and had sex with him, a man who says he is "moral" or whatever term you'd like, but........

you took her back. 

No one forced you to take her back and you haven't changed your opinion of her. 

If all of this is true and I very seriously doubt it, you should be in counseling and continue while you are attempting to date, be in a relationship, or whatever. You need to express these feelings in counseling and work through your troubles. 

Please get to counseling, or stop the games on TAM. It helps no one.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

norajane said:


> And since the OP also had sex with women he didn't love just to get even with his ex who had started dating other men after he broke up with her, does that also make him someone who does not value himself?


I would say yes, if you were to add the part about not loving, not being attracted to them, and not enjoying it. You took only 1/2 of what i said. A woman or a man who has bad sex with people that they are not attracted to and don't love has major problems.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

Hicks said:


> Your feelings are your own. You have a right to feel what you feel and have a right to have a standard for values that people you have relationships with. A woman who has sex with someone she neither loves or is attracted to shows that she does not value herself. Of if she actually like the sex (more likely) she is a liar. Either way there is a problem.


What! :scratchhead:

I think he's just upset that she didn't wait long enough for his approval. I didn't know there was an acceptable waiting period before sleeping with someone else. Who knew!

And yes, he has a right to his opinion but they were broken up. If she wanted to sleep with every Tom, **** and Harry while she was single - she owes nobody an explanation. She didn't though - she slept with one, one person and it was bad. Bad sex happens to everyone. 

This is his issue not hers. She did nothing wrong.

It's ok for him to feel this way but she doesn't she have a right to live her own thoughts and opinions and desires?
I guess all men love the women they sleep with. What fairy tale book did you pop out of Hicks, because it doesn't happen that way.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

Hicks said:


> I would say yes, if you were to add the part about not loving, not being attracted to them, and not enjoying it. You took only 1/2 of what i said. A woman or a man who has bad sex with people that they are not attracted to and don't love has major problems.


So having bad sex with someone you ARE attracted to - is ok? :rofl:


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I did something similar when my 5 yr relationship ended. I did it because I craved affection at a point where I was very hurt. It was a way to help me heal. I know my ex thought it was a sign that I didn't care about him, but it was actually a sign of me still caring way too much. We all have different ways of coping with grief. Seeking comfort in a lovers touch seems very natural and human to me. I don't hate myself for being 'weak' at that point in my life. I see it instead that I sought out what I needed to get me through a painful detachment process. I was honest about it with the man I was with. To be honest, I think you will eventually break up again, permanently. She was searching for a way to heal quickly enough to stay broken up with you. Unfortunately her chosen partner didn't help all that much. No offence meant here btw. Two ppl not being compatible does not make them bad ppl.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

So you see her as immoral and a sl*t now. You did the same thing so using your line of thinking, you should view yourself as immoral and a man-sl*t. I'm sure you don't though.

How long was she supposed to wait before sleeping with another man? What would have been appropriate in your eyes? If someone I was dating broke up with me in hopes of getting back together down the road, the breakup would have been for good.

Stop torturing yourself and stop asking her questions about her sexual encounters with the other man. Do you really need to know if he is bigger than you, or her arousal level? :scratchhead:


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

OP, 

I understand how you see it. My hubs did this to me after almost a 30 yr marriage. 

5 months after learning of his affair, the rage and anger was still to much, I finally asked him to move out and work on himself. We set no boundaries, because stupid me, thought held take the time to think things through. Words that were spoken in rage & anger were taken at heart ((ILYBNILWY)) for example after he cheated on me, and " find yourself" were taken by him that he was a free bird. 

I was shocked when I learned he was with other women, which now he will not even go there in convo. 

It makes it really hard to figure things out because there is so many double standard that seem to come out of situations as such. Its been almost 4 yrs for me, and while the mind games of them together isnt there 24/7 like it was, all I have to do is think it, and it comes back full fledge. I understand what you are feeling. 

~sammy


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> Do you really need to know if he is bigger than you, or *her arousal level*?


I would think this is very important. Not in comparison to a certain former lover, but certainly to compatibility. If someone is settling, isn't that bad for a long-term relationship/marriage? 

In other words, it isn't necessary to know who was better, nor to ask, but it does seem important that the woman is honest with herself and moves on if the man she is with is not the best she's had. Otherwise, her lover will have this gut feeling he isn't the one. She, whoever she is, would never be quite satisfied with the overall condition of the relationship. This would slowly poison any relationship.

This would be a slow death and very painful because the one who is in the dark may try all kinds of things to work out why and how to fix something that will never be. That's just terrible for a man or woman. Don't you think?


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I would think this is very important. Not in comparison to a certain former lover, but certainly to compatibility. If someone is settling, isn't that bad for a long-term relationship/marriage?
> 
> In other words, it isn't necessary to know who was better, nor to ask, but it does seem important that the woman is honest with herself and moves on if the man she is with is not the best she's had. Otherwise, her lover will have this gut feeling he isn't the one. She, whoever she is, would never be quite satisfied with the overall condition of the relationship. This would slowly poison any relationship.
> 
> This would be a slow death and very painful because the one who is in the dark may try all kinds of things to work out why and how to fix something that will never be. That's just terrible for a man or woman. Don't you think?


When I said 'arousal level' I was referring to the other man, not the OP. Does he really need to know if she was wet or not with him? I personally don't think so. All these little details that he keeps asking her about is just feeding his insecurities. 

Honestly, I believe a man can tell if a woman is wet and aroused, and if this other man noticed this continually over the 3 months, I would imagine that would be a sign that the woman isn't into the man. Also, why would a woman keep having sex with someone who didn't arouse her and the sex hurt? To me, it doesn't make much sense - hence my thought that the GF is lying about that aspect of her sexual relationship with this other guy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yes said:


> When I said 'arousal level' I was referring to the other man, not the OP. Does he really need to know if she was wet or not with him? I personally don't think so. All these little details that he keeps asking her about is just feeding his insecurities.
> 
> Honestly, I believe a man can tell if a woman is wet and aroused, and if this other man noticed this continually over the 3 months, I would imagine that would be a sign that the woman isn't into the man. Also, why would a woman keep having sex with someone who didn't arouse her and the sex hurt? To me, it doesn't make much sense - hence my thought that the GF is lying about that aspect of her sexual relationship with this other guy.


You are very angry and misunderstood my post. I'm not sure why?

I didn't understand that you were commenting on the erectile function of the other man. No man I know would want to know that. I don't even understand how you would think that's what was meant? Oh, it's a different perspective.

Anyway, it isn't all that hard for any man to get a woman wet. If that's all there is to it, any man will do. Maybe I need to look some things up because I know one woman may scream and orgasm several times with one man and still get wet with another, but never orgasm with as much ease, regularity, or frequency. 

That would be where the dishonesty might cause an issue and exactly what you avoided answering. Instead, you decided to take a southbound train to control station at confusion bay.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

for some people, you have to get under to get over. Perhaps that's what she was doing.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> You are very angry and misunderstood my post. I'm not sure why?
> 
> I didn't understand that you were commenting on the erectile function of the other man. No man I know would want to know that. I don't even understand how you would think that's what was meant? Oh, it's a different perspective.
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness...I'm not angry at ALL! I sincerely apologize if I came across that way!! I guess I'm not explaining myself clearly.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yes said:


> Oh my goodness...I'm not angry at ALL! I sincerely apologize if I came across that way!! I guess I'm not explaining myself clearly.


I guess not, because this below is the quote I got the idea from that you were talking about her.



Yes said:


> So you see her as immoral and a sl*t now. You did the same thing so using your line of thinking, you should view yourself as immoral and a man-sl*t. I'm sure you don't though.
> 
> How long was she supposed to wait before sleeping with another man? What would have been appropriate in your eyes? If someone I was dating broke up with me in hopes of getting back together down the road, the breakup would have been for good.
> 
> Stop torturing yourself and stop asking her questions about her sexual encounters with the other man. Do you really need to know if he is bigger than you, or* her* arousal level? :scratchhead:


Doesn't matter. No problem.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

rep said:


> I feel like she is a **** now


Doesn't that make you one too? Didn't you do the exact same thing?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

rep said:


> Im going to get beat up here but Im looking for a mental tool to help. I dated someone for 3 years and we broke up. Within a couple weeks she was having sex with a man for about 3 months. When I found out, I began to date and did the same.
> We are back together but I can not get it out of my mind. I have always been attracted to females with great moral character and yes I know today is much different than years ago and yes ALL men are hipocrites when it comes to this. After a 3 year relationship, I thought she would take some time to heal. I wanted the same and thought that we would get back together. I was blown away that she ran into another mans bed.
> She has many excuses and I will be told she needs none.
> I just cant get it out of my head as to why and if she is of a good solid moral character.
> ...


When my wife and me got together in college we'd already been best friends for years, since early high school. I had fallen in love with her about a year and a half before we even got together. She'd been dating somebody else, and had dated guys all throughout our friendship, but I was her first love. She fell reluctantly, but hard, for me.

Despite all this history, and the significance of being together, I broke up with her after our first year together. I always knew we'd get back together, as I knew she was "the one"; I considered it more a break, for our own good. She didn't see it that way and thought we were over for good. She was _devastated_. She was also a virgin (I was not). She slept with someone, an ever waiting ex, not long after I broke it off. She used him to numb the immense pain. It took a lot for her to be vulnerable enough to fall madly in love with me and being dumped by me made her feel totally unloved, undesired and unwanted.

It lasted about a week with them, though I didn't know at the time because she wouldn't speak to me. She slept with him a few times and then had this life changing experience and she stopped it, not for me, but for herself. A month or so later I found out at a lunch she requested. She told me about this powerful, life changing spiritual awakening she'd had. In the process of the convo she revealed that she was no longer a virgin. She hadn't planned on telling me but while we were together she felt I deserved to know.

Was it hard? Yes. We were soulmates. She'd hooked up not long after the break up, and that was tough because we were so in love. But I understood why. She tried self medicating with a familiar, comfortable person. It didn't work and it didn't last. 

The disappointment, for me, was less that she slept with someone and more WHO it was (there's a history there), and even worse, the fact that I really, really wanted to be her first. But she was a free woman. She never apologized for sleeping with another man because I had let her go. We were both free to be with whomever we wanted. And, again, she really thought we were totally over.

That was 14 years ago. We're married, still in love, and that's ancient history. That hurt healed up pretty nicely; it actually became a running joke between us here and there. We were free to talk about it, it was never a secret or taboo subject. I am so glad I didn't let my pride, and my disappointment, kill what we had. I would have missed out on one of the best things in my entire existence. Life happens. People don't take the actions we'd like. But if what you have is worth holding on to, than make the perceived slight worth letting go.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

1marriedlady said:


> I guess all men love the women they sleep with. What fairy tale book did you pop out of Hicks, because it doesn't happen that way.


SOME men are like this.. they may be rare...I wouldn't argue this...but still I wonder why this is shocking to some.. different sexual views is all..some have strong beliefs here...I definitely married this sort of man....and I love him for feeling that way...

Our 1st 2 sons seem to be all like their father also.. They would feel it is wrong to sleep with a woman if they were not planning to...well... marry her.. Crazy huh! 3rd son... maybe too young to know if he would be this strict.. but has to have commitment strings for sure.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> SOME men are like this.. they may be rare...I wouldn't argue this...but still I wonder why this is shocking to some.. different sexual views is all..some have strong beliefs here...I definitely married this sort of man....and I love him for feeling that way...
> 
> Our 1st 2 sons seem to be all like their father also.. They would feel it is wrong to sleep with a woman if they were not planning to...well... marry her.. Crazy huh! 3rd son... maybe too young to know if he would be this strict.. but has to have commitment strings for sure.


It would be vitally important for a man like that to know she felt the way 1marriedlady does. I think that's the main reason for questions. Too bad there isn't a sensible and polite way to do so.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

1marriedlady said:


> What! :scratchhead:
> 
> I think he's just upset that she didn't wait long enough for his approval. I didn't know there was an acceptable waiting period before sleeping with someone else. Who knew!
> 
> ...


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

The guy was her rebound. If you cannot accept the fact that your girlfriend filled in a void that YOU created, then move the **** on and stop saying you can't. You had no problem doing it last time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> SOME men are like this.. they may be rare...I wouldn't argue this...but still I wonder why this is shocking to some.. different sexual views is all..some have strong beliefs here....


I don't think that anyone here said that there are no men who will only sleep with a woman that they love.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> It would be vitally important for a man like that to know she felt the way 1marriedlady does. I think that's the main reason for questions. Too bad there isn't a sensible and polite way to do so.


There is a sensible and polite way to find out if the other person's view of sex is a match. It's communication. 

Before having sex with someone talk about it. If a man will only have sex with a woman he loves and he would not want to be with and/or love a woman who has had whatever sexual history he objects to... he tells her this. He asks her what she believes/feels about this. They have an actual conversation... you know communicate. He does not start out by asking her number and/or the names of the guys she's been with. They are only then dating, he would be asking for too much info at that point.

They can discuss it, not the details of their sex lives unless they want to, but their point of view and feelings. Then they both know where the other stands. Then if she has a sexual history that he would not approve of, she knows and can make the decision to not date him anymore. And she has not been put in position of telling someone intimate details of her life before they are even committed.

If a man first has sex with a woman, then asks her for her history and then dumps her because of her history.. he's cad. A judgmental, hypocritical cad. The same goes if a woman does this.


.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> SOME men are like this.. they may be rare...I wouldn't argue this...but still I wonder why this is shocking to some.. different sexual views is all..some have strong beliefs here...I definitely married this sort of man....and I love him for feeling that way...
> 
> Our 1st 2 sons seem to be all like their father also.. They would feel it is wrong to sleep with a woman if they were not planning to...well... marry her.. Crazy huh! 3rd son... maybe too young to know if he would be this strict.. but has to have commitment strings for sure.


Oh I understand and know there see some people men and women who have this view and that is great. . But because she didn't live up to his expectations doesn't make Her or anyone else amoral or a slvt.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

Hicks my point is they were broken up - she doesn't have to follow his approved guidelines. He turned around and slept with other women he didn't love during this break up but he doesn't seem to regret this or view his actions with the same contempt as her actions.

He was shocked they were only broken up a few weeks before having sex with someone else. There is the reason for my comment - in his mind few weeks was not an acceptable time for him.

Why is it good for the goose but not the gander?

Sexual history is just that history. Should it be discussed is really a personal choice but once he finds out and does the exact thing she did, he has no right to "judge". If he doesn't like it move on. She isn't a slvt. She is human that had a need, an urge that she tried to fulfill.

My thinking is not badly flawed - it differs from yours and you don't like it. I see why you agree with him. I guess in your eyes I am as amoral as she is. So we will agree to disagree.

She didn't have sex with multiple people - it was one guy and it was Bad, so bad. If it was multiple men.- I'd say she has an health relate issue and needs to follow up with her doctor to find out why she stays dry during sex.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I think the Bottom line was that we had a few "mini-breakups".
It was always the same,,, about a week or so later,, we got back.
She was the only women I've ever truly loved. When you love deep,, I think some men place the women on a high platform of grace. I was married almost 20 years and her 10. I was the only guy after. 
Yes,,, I felt like the white doves, white dress,, pure,, the entire thing. She seemed so "good",,,, I never thought another man would touch her and if they did,,, it would take a bit of courting.
I never imagined just a couple weeks and bam.
It was unprotected sex and he ejaculated in her. Yes,,, that bothers me. For the high liberals,, I'm sorry. They carried on an almost FWB,,, she tries to paint it different but you can tell. She says sex always hurt bc she was dry. 
I do love her but I can't get back to where I was which most here will say was a stupid unrealistic place. Was it a rebound, prob!!
Doesn't matter. It still hurts regardless of reason. I'm looking for a way to get over or decide if there's been too much trauma


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's not been too much drama.

You're just not compatible.

Accept you have unique standards she doesn't share and move on. Spare both of you the grief.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

rep said:


> I never thought another man would touch her...


Then you shouldn't have broken up with her.

Stick a fork in this, it's done. If you don't find anything wrong with this whole "purity" business, than she's been permanently sullied in your eyes. Set this great woman free so some other bloke can come along and appreciate what was too dirty for you to.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

rep, I really do understand your point of view and agree with you - I would be the same and went through something similar.

The fact is that (a) people change over time (not necessary for the better or worse); and (b) your wife is a sexual being just like you - this was her way of dealing with the situation at the time.

Remember you did what you needed to do which might be viewed as worse than what she did (even though really you two had separated/broken up). Its just that the pedestal that you placed yourself on was not as high as the one you placed her on, so your "fall from grace" was not as impactful to you - completely understandable.

I think the advice you got from MarriedGuy221 is the best so far. Most people are not completely compatible in their marriages but they work at it. There is always a basis for this though - something that you really love about the other person. Focus on this and not on the sex that happened while you two were broken up. If you feel that you still love what you originally loved about her and it is still there in her, then you can work this out. Put the sex that she had into a box and bury it. Focus on her as the person you loved and hopefully still love.

Good luck!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

As someone who's married to a man who believes he's morally superior to me, I feel this may not be the correct advice - just 'bury' it. I don't think men are capable of burying it. I think that with the double standard alive and kicking, he will revert to his superior thinking whenever things don't go the way he wants - and she will be the one to suffer.


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## bettermarriage (Apr 8, 2013)

I am in a similar situation. Me and my husband decided to have a therapeutic separation after 10 years of marriage. I thought this meant time apart to work on issues. He immediately started having sex with other women. I'm talking within 24 hours. We got back together, but I didn't know about the other women until later on. I have stayed with him, but I have lost respect for him. I am angry and feel betrayed.

Most of the people I've spoken to about this, including two therapists, is that I have to either forgive him and accept it or end it. No middle ground. I have found this to be true. I cannot accept it, but I don't want to move on, so I'm in emotional hell. 

Your post indicates that you also had other relationships as well. It also indicates that you broke up, so you can't call it cheating. Perhaps you can try to accept it because of these circumstances? If so, tell her how you feel and ask for understanding. Perhaps you just need her to tell you she's sorry? Perhaps you need her to tell you that it won't happen again? If not, then do both you and your girlfriend a favor and move on. Because in my experience, there is nothing in-between.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jaquen said:


> When my wife and me got together in college we'd already been best friends for years, since early high school. I had fallen in love with her about a year and a half before we even got together. She'd been dating somebody else, and had dated guys all throughout our friendship, but I was her first love. She fell reluctantly, but hard, for me.
> 
> Despite all this history, and the significance of being together, I broke up with her after our first year together. I always knew we'd get back together, as I knew she was "the one"; I considered it more a break, for our own good. She didn't see it that way and thought we were over for good. She was _devastated_. She was also a virgin (I was not). She slept with someone, an ever waiting ex, not long after I broke it off. She used him to numb the immense pain. It took a lot for her to be vulnerable enough to fall madly in love with me and being dumped by me made her feel totally unloved, undesired and unwanted.
> 
> ...


You and I are wired opposite. Having sex with someone else is always an end for me. I have always been hugely disturbed by people who run out and have sex with someone just to try and fix their shyt.

It actually sounds like she gave her virginity to an asshat. That is not impressive.

I guess she learned it was a stupid decision and got it going with you again but she was pretty damn lucky you were wired the way you are.

The first love of my life did something similarly stupid. After she realized her choice was crappy and tried to get me back, I still loved her but the answer was no.

I am glad you two are happy but there are definitely other people who are spectacular and make wonderful mates.

Mrs. Conan proved that to me. I have never regretted passing on my first love. I required more and I got it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bettermarriage said:


> I am in a similar situation. Me and my husband decided to have a therapeutic separation after 10 years of marriage. I thought this meant time apart to work on issues. He immediately started having sex with other women. I'm talking within 24 hours. We got back together, but I didn't know about the other women until later on. I have stayed with him, but I have lost respect for him. I am angry and feel betrayed.


Your situation is not at all like Rep's. He broke up with her. He told her that he was done with the relationship. This is a huge difference.

The difference is important because Rep is acting like his situation is like yours. This gives him the false belief that she did something wrong.



bettermarriage said:


> Most of the people I've spoken to about this, including two therapists, is that I have to either forgive him and accept it or end it. No middle ground. I have found this to be true. I cannot accept it, but I don't want to move on, so I'm in emotional hell.


I don't think that you have to just accept it. I think that it needs to be handle in for what it was. He had affair. So handle it like an affair. He has to live in a manner that proves that he can be trusted. Otherwise there is no way to go on with your marriage in a healthy way.



bettermarriage said:


> Your post indicates that you also had other relationships as well. It also indicates that you broke up, so you can't call it cheating. Perhaps you can try to accept it because of these circumstances? If so, tell her how you feel and ask for understanding. Perhaps *you just need her to tell you she's sorry?* Perhaps you need her to tell you that it won't happen again? If not, then do both you and your girlfriend a favor and move on. Because in my experience, there is nothing in-between.


She has nothing to apologize to him for. IF she did that it would only help him build a case that she did something wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Your situation is not at all like Rep's. He broke up with her. He told her that he was done with the relationship. This is a huge difference.
> 
> The difference is important because Rep is acting like his situation is like yours. This gives him the false belief that she did something wrong.
> 
> ...


Couldn't agree more. You were done wrong. I would even say he cheated. You may need affair recovery counseling and books to help you. Do you still really love him? He doesn't sound like a very good man and I am being very restrained right now with my description of him! &#55357;&#56852;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bettermarriage said:


> I am in a similar situation. Me and my husband decided to have a therapeutic separation after 10 years of marriage. I thought this meant time apart to work on issues. He immediately started having sex with other women. I'm talking within 24 hours. We got back together, but I didn't know about the other women until later on. I have stayed with him, but I have lost respect for him. I am angry and feel betrayed.
> 
> Most of the people I've spoken to about this, including two therapists, is that I have to either forgive him and accept it or end it. No middle ground. I have found this to be true. I cannot accept it, but I don't want to move on, so I'm in emotional hell.
> 
> Your post indicates that you also had other relationships as well. It also indicates that you broke up, so you can't call it cheating. Perhaps you can try to accept it because of these circumstances? If so, tell her how you feel and ask for understanding. Perhaps you just need her to tell you she's sorry? Perhaps you need her to tell you that it won't happen again? If not, then do both you and your girlfriend a favor and move on. Because in my experience, there is nothing in-between.


If there's anything that you need to accept, it's the very real possibility (I'd even say likelihood) that he didn't wait until you were separated before he started sleeping around.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> You and I are wired opposite. Having sex with someone else is always an end for me. I have always been hugely disturbed by people who run out and have sex with someone just to try and fix their shyt.
> 
> It actually sounds like she gave her virginity to an asshat. That is not impressive.
> 
> ...


What happened between you and your first love, with her "realizing her choice was crappy" and "trying to get you back" literally has nothing to do with anything I wrote. You're projecting.

My now wife didn't do anything wrong to me. _I broke up with her_, as I stated. She was free to be with whomever she chose, as was I. That's what happens when people break up.

There was no groveling. No weepy apologies, as she has nothing to apologize for. And there was no "trying" to get back with me, or her coming back trying to "get it going" with me because of her "bad decision". That's not how any of it went down whatsoever.

And you reminding me that there are other people who are spectacular and make wonderful mates? What was the point? I never stated, or inferred, otherwise. 

But you are making a lot of inferences here, and jumping to a lot of conclusions, all of them wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Didn't get that she was groveling jaq. I understood what you said and I still say she was lucky you are wired like you are.

I will say that I am really sensitive to stupid drama like this because, while I am over my first love, the pain caused by her choices still lingers. I went into a pretty dark place after she gave herself to another.

You and I are just different. We both found satisfaction by different paths. Sex has always been a deal breaker for me.

I have no problem with a past but once love is realized with me and someone, screwing someone else is where it stops.

Relationships take all kinds. Peace.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. jaq. The way you made it sound, you didn't communicate very well. You thought it was a temporary break. She did not.

Also, you didn't mention going right out and immediately screwing an ex. You didn't mention any sexual activity on your part at all.

I know your wife made a stupid decision because she kept her virginity all through her years of dating and even dating you, her soul mate.

She then gives it up to an ex who was an ex for a reason.

If it wasn't a stupid decision, she would have been happily ever after with him instead of you.

Anyway, sex isn't a deal breaker for you. If you really are her soul mate, the one she chose, obviously not who she gave her virginity to, then she is extremely lucky you are wired like you are.

I'm pretty sure she appreciates that. Many good people just aren't wired that way.

It apparently worked out and I just have a different perspective.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. jaq. The way you made it sound, you didn't communicate very well. You thought it was a temporary break. She did not.


It was a combination of unclear communication on my part and sheer devastation on her part. What I did was necessary, for us, at the time but it was awful and it destroyed her. My wife was madly in love with me (still is) in a way she didn't even believe truly existed. And keep in mind we were only 21 years old, barely more than kids ourselves, both still in college.



ConanHub said:


> Also, you didn't mention going right out and immediately screwing an ex. You didn't mention any sexual activity on your part at all.
> 
> I know your wife made a stupid decision because she kept her virginity all through her years of dating and even dating you, her soul mate.
> 
> ...


The reasons we didn't have sex was because of me, not my wife. My wife had no moral compunctions about relinquishing her virginity back then. My wife would have "given" me her virginity at any point that I took it. God knows she tried and there was a lot of resistance and proverbial cold showers on my part.

Again, you're assuming _a lot_. You don't even know 1% of the details behind everything that was happening with us back then. You're jumping to conclusions at Olympic levels dude!



ConanHub said:


> Anyway, sex isn't a deal breaker for you.


It is...depending on the circumstance. Things aren't that black and white with me. 




ConanHub said:


> If you really are her soul mate, the one she chose, obviously not who she gave her virginity to, then she is extremely lucky you are wired like you are.



There is no "if".

And, to clarify once again, my wife would have given me her virginity at any moment I took it. It's not remotely the situation where she was holding out and gave it to the first dude who came along when I broke up with her. Because you literally have no idea what you're talking about in this circumstance you have no idea how hilarious this is to me. It's like watching the worst game of telephone ever, where the final message is a hilarious bastardization of the original.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I gotta fess up. I don't understand most people. I'm confused most of the time why people do certain things.

I don't know why you made a decision that hurt the love of your life and I don't understand why she made a decision that hurt you and didn't seem beneficial to her either.

I sometimes just make statements trying to get it but I don't think I ever can.

I'm not trying to be an ass jaq, I just have a hard time comprehending people. No offense meant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I gotta fess up. I don't understand most people. I'm confused most of the time why people do certain things.
> 
> I don't know why you made a decision that hurt the love of your life and I don't understand why she made a decision that hurt you and didn't seem beneficial to her either.
> 
> ...


I can't speak for your overall issue with comprehending people, but admittedly with us it was a very complicated situation that, thank God, worked out perfectly in the end. I wouldn't change much. 

I can see why you would be confused. I didn't give a lot of the details. It would require a book, to be honest. The post was intended to give REG a different perspective, so I didn't try to go into a dissertation about all the prerequisite issues that led to everything. Your confusion is warranted.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Ok so let me get strait. You broke up (were no longer a couple) she slept with another man for approximately 3 months, but you slept with another woman(while you were no longer a couple)! You thought it would take her a lot longer then a couple of weeks for her to get over you. 

You asked her if she was sleeping with someone else? Get over it! If you cant then let her go. Who cares if the guy had a bigger unit, then you. Its none of your business. She did nothing wrong! You also had sex with someone else. Ok for you but not her. WTF!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Personal said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I hope she enjoyed the sex she had with that other man.


 I amuse she did, because she did it for 3 months. If it was a bad as she claims, it wouldn't have continued :smthumbup:

She just told OP what he wanted to hear, so she wouldn't stir the pot


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ladybird said:


> She just told OP what he wanted to hear, so she wouldn't stir the pot


Correction (IMO): She told him what he wanted to hear because she KNEW he was self-righteous and would consider anything she did as 'immoral' and wrong. Women learn this early on. They KNOW the double standard's alive and kicking and they suss out when they have to protect themselves from that self-righteousness and double standard.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

OP. Get some therapy. You have to know you have a problem if you had sex during your break, something I don't advise for anyone, but are upset that she did as well.

You are not well adjusted enough for relationships yet imho.

I could understand if you didn't engage in any sexual activity with the same expectation of her but that is not the case.

Can't you take a look at yourself and see the double standard?

I wouldn't take her back but I wouldn't have had sex with anyone else either.

It sounds like sex is pretty much a deal breaker for you but you have no problem crossing that line yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

He won't be back. At least not to this thread. He has a pattern.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

True. This is the second thread about this exact problem and he has many other threads about dealing with females (nothing ever goes right). He abandons his threads when he doesn't get the advice he's looking for.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Uhhh... Yeah! LOL! &#55357;&#56836;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Give him another couple of weeks. He will start a new thread. It will be about his girlfriend, a time when they were broken up. He had sex with other women, she had sex with another guy. Comedy ensues.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I know from experience that men like you OP are manipulative and abusive. You need help.


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Guys/Gals, I do appreciate the feedback. 
I think some threads must end tho. Yes, she had sex quick after 3 years with me,,a rebound most likely. 
Did she enjoy,,,never know. She has always said that she has never enjoyed sex with anyone other than me and one other guy. 
If she did, I will never know. She was married 10 years to a guy that had sex with her about twice per year. I def thought I had a "virgin like" women and a lot of men would love that.
Yes Im hurting and I come on here to look for real answers and I get very few good replies bc most on here love to bash. Not sure why but something wrong with some of you. You know people are on here hurting and when you say mean things,,it hurts more. 
Again, something wrong there. I like the people who make comments that make sense. It can be real and still hurt but they are not being rude.
Any man or women that truly loves someone would be in pain if the other had sex. Simple enough. Just not sure if I can handle moving forward bc Im obsessing over it. 
Someone on here said to compartmentalize it and bury it. Man that was good. It helped and thankl you. 
Yes Im still hurting and trying. Not going well but Im trying.
Thanks for all the people who are trying to care


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I care for you. I want you to stop hurting. So I am telling you how to stop hurting. Stop being prejudiced and learn how to see things from her perspective. Stop believing only yours is the right way. If you can't accept that she might be into someone else, let her go. This is about YOU, not her. Figure out why.


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