# How to move on and foster meaningful friendships and avoid depression



## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

My husband of 6 years decided he was no longer happy with me and wants a divorce. We have a 2 year old and 4 year old girls together. I begged him to reconsider and try counseling but he said so cold heartedly he doesn't want the marriage any more. No infidelity on either part that I know of. Of cours no marriage is perfect so ive been reflecting on all the many things I could have done differently and beating myself up. I am ready to begin picking up the pieces. I have my Dad, brother, and one good friend that I have been confiding in but I feel like its not quite enough. I feel as though I'm walking the line of becoming depressed. Can someone please recommend resources or maybe an online support group. I will be moving back to my hometown and don't have friends there. I also dont have friends in my current city because we moved in the midst of the pandemic for his job. Im an introvert and recognize I will not be able to get through this alone. I need to foster meaningful friendships to get through the toughest part of my life.


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## Jvo2020 (Aug 10, 2020)

Hi StartingOver 2020,

I'm in a very similar situation as you. My husband wants a divorce and I'm completely broken over it. I'm an introvert as well and also live in a city where I have no friends or family to confide in. I can reach out to my family but I know they must get tired of hearing me cry. I listen to youtube videos about no contact to help me get through the day. I'm not aware of any support groups but I can offer friendship.


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## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

I really appreciate that! I'm sorry we are both going through this tough time. Some days rougher than others and today has been a rough one for me. I'm hoping to get something out of the day by the end of it though. What are the youtube videos about no contact? No contact with your husband?


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## Jvo2020 (Aug 10, 2020)

I'm sorry too! Today has been rough for me as well. I like watching xx on youtube. He has no contact videos for relationships and marriage. For marriage it is a modified version of no contact since people have to stay in contact for kids, pets, shared property, etc. * is also a good channel to listen to. My husband moved out yesterday so I just created a phone and skype account for my son to stay in contact with his dad. This way I can limit the contact I have with him. It helps by giving yourself time and space to heal. Also, it just helps to listen to the channels for motivation.


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## Jvo2020 (Aug 10, 2020)

I begged and cried for my husband to try counseling also. He said no. After listening to the videos, I no longer beg for him. I still cry but I cry when I'm alone. Don't let him see you cry or beg for him. Stay strong. I know it's hard. Trust me, I know. I'm currently working from home right now and I can't tell you how many times I broke down crying just today.....but he'll never see it.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Individual counseling is usually helpful at the time of big life transitions such as divorce. It will help you to understand and process things, and prepare you for your new life.


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## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

Jvo2020 said:


> I'm sorry too! Today has been rough for me as well. I like watching on youtube. He has no contact videos for relationships and marriage. For marriage it is a modified version of no contact since people have to stay in contact for kids, pets, shared property, etc. *** is also a good channel to listen to. My husband moved out yesterday so I just created a phone and skype account for my son to stay in contact with his dad. This way I can limit the contact I have with him. It helps by giving yourself time and space to heal. Also, it just helps to listen to the channels for motivation.


Thanks so much for the insight...ive been trying to limit contact as much as possible which I know will be much easier once I move. Much much easier. I'll check out the YouTube soon. One quote that my brother told me that has been helping me is this; "You are down right now but can only go up from here. You are not losing someone that really and truly cared about you because if he did he would be working through this with you. Thats what a man does for his family. On the other hand he is losing someone that genuinely cares about him. That genuinely loved him. And thats so rare to find. In the end you should feel sorry for him."


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## Jvo2020 (Aug 10, 2020)

Wow, your brother's quote really hit home for me as well. What he said is so true. My mind completely agrees. I wish my heart would too. It's hard.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I hope you find some solace and help here on TAM.


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## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

Thank you


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

New to the site, but wanted to reply since your situation sounds very familiar to mine. I'm separated from my wife of 4 years (2nd marriage for both) and had high hopes of reconciling. But I now realize that's not going to happen. We each have kids from a previous marriage and blending caused a lot of problems. I made my share of mistakes too and have owned up to it (no infidelity or abuse, but I suffer from depression and don't handle stress well). I am trying to move on but am an introvert and have few friends. I discuss things with my parents, but they are older tell me what they think I want to hear. Getting back to your situation....have you looked into DivorceCare? I did it the first time around and it really helped. Also church is a good place to connect if you are religious. That's my plan...church and focusing on my kids. But I only have them half the time and the other half is when I feel my depression getting worse. And please, please, please do not beg your ex to come back or go to counseling. That will only push him farther away. Go non-contact as much as you can considering you have kids together. Let him think you have accepted the divorce and are fine with it. Buy some new clothes, exercise, etc. If you want any chance of reconciling, you need to make him think about what he is losing. And he can't do that if you are contacting him constantly.


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## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

Hey Dadto2 thank you for the advice. I have had as little contact with him as possible considering the kids and plan to continue that. I'm honestly coming to grips with getting divorced and want the marriage less and less everyday. I've stuck by him and supported him through so many things and he just doesn't have the same love for me. I see that. I feel as though alot of "love" he shows is just "checking the box." Or for self gratification. I'm seeing who he really is with this seperation. No doubt I have reflected on the past 6 years and know I could have done so many things differently and better. But I also know that he could have too. Ultimately he is giving up. He said he doesn't love me in that way anymore and does not want our marriage anymore. With all that being said im ok with that but it still doesn't keep the depression from coming. I kind of lost myself after having our kids and I feel even more lost now. I haven't been able to do much of anything other than care for my kids. That is a job in itself but even more so when you are depressed. I am definitely open to finding an online divorce care group through church. Thank you so much for your insight and advice and I hope and pray everything works out for you and all the children involved.


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## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

Jvo2020 said:


> Wow, your brother's quote really hit home for me as well. What he said is so true. My mind completely agrees. I wish my heart would too. It's hard.


 Just checking in! Hoping you are having a better day today!


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## Jvo2020 (Aug 10, 2020)

Thank you so much for checking in! Today started off a little hard for me. I felt depressed and didn't want to get out of bed. However, I had no choice to get up because of work and my son. As the day went on, I started to feel a little better. Right now I'm just trying to take the time to focus on me. I've made plans to start working out so I'm going to start that tonight. Try to boost my self esteem because at the moment, it's on the floor lol.

How are you holding up? My son is 8 and can be a handful so I know taking care of 2 young kids by yourself can be overwhelming, especially during a seperation. It's worse with this whole virus situation. Normally, my son would be at day camp but I'm too scared to send him now. Next week he starts school online so I have to work and teach him at the same time. I guess it's a blessing in disguise because we're forced to keep busy. All I want to do is just lay in bed and be depressed. 

When are you moving? I'm sure your family would be a big help especially with your kids. At least to give yourself some time to grieve alone.


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## StartingOver2020 (Aug 9, 2020)

That's good. Staying busy is definitely key I'm finding. I'm going back home in a few days for a couple weeks to have some help with the girls and try to begin picking up the pieces. Ill go back and forth getting some more of my things.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This is the better side of town, the better side of TAM.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Look up DRW, divorce recovery workshops that are run in many areas. They run a course where you will be with others going through similar. Its great that you have those people to help, I had no family around when I went though it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have removed the names of websites that were posted. They are under review. If our staff decides that they are acceptable, I'll add them back in.

If you want to advertise your sites on this site, please go to this link and check out our vendor deals: Vendor Deals


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## raiseravens88 (Aug 2, 2020)

I second the advice on personal therapy. It's the only thing that motivates me to do healthy behaviors honestly. Otherwise I would slide right back into patterns that don't serve me.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I have removed the names of websites that were posted. They are under review. If our staff decides that they are acceptable, I'll add them back in.
> 
> If you want to advertise your sites on this site, please go to this link and check out our vendor deals: Vendor Deals


any word on these recommended website? some of us could use it


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I have removed the names of websites that were posted. They are under review. If our staff decides that they are acceptable, I'll add them back in.
> 
> If you want to advertise your sites on this site, please go to this link and check out our vendor deals: Vendor Deals


If that was me it iisnt anything to do with me, but a helpful site for the divorce recovery workshop. I went on one of their courses many years ago.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

WandaJ said:


> any word on these recommended website? some of us could use it


Google divorce recovery workships. Or DRW.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> Individual counseling is usually helpful at the time of big life transitions such as divorce. It will help you to understand and process things, and prepare you for your new life.


Yes. And any time you are experiencing depression.


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