# Asked Husband what he would have thought about the "Burning Ceremony"



## Nevermoreagain (Feb 12, 2017)

Just thought i would let you know what happened when i asked my husband about the ceremony i had planned to burn the shirt and other things that reminded both of us about the affair.

He said exactly what the betrayed spouses here said he would say.

Once again. Ty for the excellent advice.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Good to hear. BTW, Did you get rid of the shirt?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Glad you made the right decision, Praying for you both.


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## Nevermoreagain (Feb 12, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Good to hear. BTW, Did you get rid of the shirt?



Yes, The very next day after I posted. I went home on my lunch break, put it in a trash bag, and threw it in the garbage. And MAN, did it feel good!


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## Nevermoreagain (Feb 12, 2017)

drifting on said:


> Glad you made the right decision, Praying for you both.


Thank You! We sure can use all the prayers we can get!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Good, maybe you should keep asking since you say you need prayers. He doesn't want to tell you just like no women want's to tell her husband how to be romantic (to draw a parallel to something totally different) but the principle is the same. 

So my question to you is what are you doing to help with his healing?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

sokillme said:


> Good, maybe you should keep asking since you say you need prayers. He doesn't want to tell you just like no women want's to tell her husband how to be romantic (to draw a parallel to something totally different) but the principle is the same.
> 
> 
> 
> So my question to you is what are you doing to help with his healing?




OP, for a start, don't leave this site. Continue posting in this thread. There is a lot to do. The betrayed and waywards here will help. You already have both sides helping you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> OP, for a start, don't leave this site. Continue posting in this thread. There is a lot to do. The betrayed and waywards here will help. You already have both sides helping you.


Agreed, and as a further example, you were prepared to make a passive mistake that may have hurt him and your healing because you still don't understand his position. This is why you need to talk to the people here. The thing with this place is it's not like SI, it doesn't protect you, it works you. If you really want to get better you need to work hard. It's like any training the more vigorous the better.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nevermoreagain said:


> Just thought i would let you know what happened when i asked my husband about the ceremony i had planned to burn the shirt and other things that reminded both of us about the affair.
> 
> He said exactly what the betrayed spouses here said he would say.
> 
> Once again. Ty for the excellent advice.


So what did he say? Not all of us have read what the BSs on TAM told you he would say.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Nevermoreagain said:


> Just thought i would let you know what happened when i asked my husband about the ceremony i had planned to burn the shirt and other things that reminded both of us about the affair.
> 
> He said exactly what the betrayed spouses here said he would say.
> 
> Once again. Ty for the excellent advice.


But as a BS if my wife had suggested a burning ceremony of some sort I would have accepted that as a good idea.

However I am glad that your husband is happy with the way you dealt with the situation here found himself in.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As a shirt, it was nothing more than a sordid reminder of the wanton and careless infidelity that was perpetuated by you against your H!

Burning it ceremoniously would have done little more than reduce that shirt to mere carbonized shards of cloth, which still would have represented that unfortunate occurrence of gross infidelity!

Now the hard part starts, where you will have to unflinchingly place your heart out there upon a platter for him to judiciously evaluate and to ponder it's sincerely; with absolutely no guarantee in sight as to whether he will ultimately pick it up and embrace it, or just figuratively stab the remainder of the life out of it with a ten foot saber! This choice is now solely his!

If you really want to win his heart back, now is truly the time to show him!

In that regard, I wish you well!*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I am something of an ageing hippy.

Burning stuff in a symbolic way, smudging and the like are stuff I believe in to some extent.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

@Nevermoreagain

What steps are you taking to help your husband?


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## Nevermoreagain (Feb 12, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Good, maybe you should keep asking since you say you need prayers. He doesn't want to tell you just like no women want's to tell her husband how to be romantic (to draw a parallel to something totally different) but the principle is the same.
> 
> So my question to you is what are you doing to help with his healing?



SoKillMe....Sorry it took me so long to reply. My husband and I have both had the flu, so just getting back into the swing of things in "real life". Well, To answer you question...I really feel like there is nothing i can do to show how sorry I am, so I feel what i am doing is but a feeble attempt. I wrote our story if you read it. But i am being completely transparent--he knows all my passwords, emails. The Dday, i told him i would never go back on facebook, and i haven't. We are going to Marriage counseling and i am seeing an individual therapist trying to figure out how i could have hurt someone i love so badly. I haven't found anything yet, nor will i ever, find anything that will make what i did, okay. I make sure I listen to what he tells me, but especially when what he says hurts. It's when it hurts that i know that is something that i need to work on. I will just say that i do everything i think of to do. That's one reason i am here. To try to learn more from people that have gone through it. Again, sorry for taking so long to reply.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Nevermoreagain said:


> SoKillMe....Sorry it took me so long to reply. My husband and I have both had the flu, so just getting back into the swing of things in "real life". Well, To answer you question...I really feel like there is nothing i can do to show how sorry I am, so I feel what i am doing is but a feeble attempt. I wrote our story if you read it. But i am being completely transparent--he knows all my passwords, emails. The Dday, i told him i would never go back on facebook, and i haven't. We are going to Marriage counseling and i am seeing an individual therapist trying to figure out how i could have hurt someone i love so badly. I haven't found anything yet, nor will i ever, find anything that will make what i did, okay. I make sure I listen to what he tells me, but especially when what he says hurts. It's when it hurts that i know that is something that i need to work on. I will just say that i do everything i think of to do. That's one reason i am here. To try to learn more from people that have gone through it. Again, sorry for taking so long to reply.


The flu is horrible. Hope you are both doing well?


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