# why?



## Asian (Nov 4, 2012)

Hi, Recently my eight year long 32year old wife cheated on me 21 year old OM. I was shocked and went through hard times but after her confession things been getting better. 
While this affair was happening my wife never let me touch her sexually at all and even now due to her separation request to give her some time to figure things out.

Our rule No.1 is no lie between each other. So I ask what exactly what she did with this young OM. She didn't want to tell me but I mentioned about our rule and she went on to tell me the details. When she was telling me the details I was hurt but the at the same time I found my self with massive erection. At the end of the story I had to ran to the bathroom with out my wife knowing my erection. I got so turned on by her affair story that found my self with pre-c*m on tip of my penis.

I'm I normal to react this way by imaging my wife getting fu*k by young man that c*m in my wife's hand while they were just kissing and touching each other's private parts and went on to f*cl my wife 3 times with in a hour. Something that I can provide anymore that hurts but I got turned on at the same time. Im I normal?


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

I would have had a massive erection watching her pack her things imagining all the new girls I'd be poking...

There was a study once that observed a sample of women reporting they were all disgusted after watching a video of a woman being raped. Yet, using telemetry devices, the study observed they were all turned on physically, each with an enlarged clitoris and heightened vaginal moisture... The study concluded that sometimes our physical responses don't match our emotional ones. This particular instance may have an evolutionary explanation, where a woman's body is designed to minimize damage to its genitals during a forced intercourse by lubricating the vagina. 

Just because you had a physical response doesn't mean it must explain or be related to your emotions... How did you feel, your metaphoric heart, to find this out? Weren't you devastated? If you plan to stay in this marriage then there is something wrong with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Asian said:


> Hi, Recently my eight year long 32year old wife cheated on me 21 year old OM. I was shocked and went through hard times but after her confession things been getting better.
> While this affair was happening my wife never let me touch her sexually at all and even now due to her separation request to give her some time to figure things out.
> 
> Our rule No.1 is no lie between each other. So I ask what exactly what she did with this young OM. She didn't want to tell me but I mentioned about our rule and she went on to tell me the details. When she was telling me the details I was hurt but the at the same time I found my self with massive erection. At the end of the story I had to ran to the bathroom with out my wife knowing my erection. I got so turned on by her affair story that found my self with pre-c*m on tip of my penis.
> ...


Yes it is normal reaction from many men. I do not however understand it. Nevertheless it is a well documented phenomenon.


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## Asian (Nov 4, 2012)

I found my self sniffing her dirty underwear and thinking about her having sex with this young man...... I don't know what to do...It's hard not to because she is not giving me sex. Maybe I need to get away from her but don't want to leave kids....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Yes it is normal reaction from many men. I do not however understand it. Nevertheless it is a well documented phenomenon.


My husband doesn't understand it either, we've talked about this... it would only enrage/ANGER him and devastate him... something irrevocably lost between us forever. 

He has zero "C0ckhold fantasies" - what this would be referred to as... some men fantasize about this ...but never LIVE IT... then some have it happen to them...and find they are aroused by it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

The only erection I would get if that happened to me would be a massive erection in my biceps, brachialis ,triceps,and forearms.


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## Asian (Nov 4, 2012)

After my wife admitted having an affair we both came to agree that we both try and stay together for kids even she feels she does not love me anymore. Since we are doing okay as long as everyday life but she does not let me even touch her in sexual way at all. she keep saying that if we have sex now its just because she is obligated to and no feelings whats so ever....It hurts but it's true.
I'm a male and I need release and always end up trying to seduce my wife but gets rejected and end up feeling stupid and being owned by my wife.... I even text her my penis pics trying to make her feel horny or even jerked off next her in bed but she just not care about me anymore....

Since her affair started she limited my access to her and I found my self making love to her dirty thongs and panties... embarrassing but true. During her affair period of time she often left white stain on her thongs and panties...assumed it was from her body fluids drying up proof of her down there was wet and moist often and scent of her dirty thong had indescribable musky aroma that turns me on instantly..I know that they are not from OM fluids because I know the differences in smell. 
I remember her down there smelling like this earlier in our relationships when she was still in love with me, when her hormone and her mind was in to me.

This great aroma from her dirty thongs and panties stopped exactly when my wife stopped seeing or doing any kind of communication with this young OM that she had an affair with. The sign that she is not sexually turn on.

This is the fact and hurts knowing that she is telling me true that she is not in love with me and her body reacted to this young OM but not me. She sometimes breakout crying with out telling me why but I know exactly why, her female hormones want to accept this young OM but she can't and she doesn't want to ruin her families life.
Best thing I can do is somehow someway make my wife fall in love with me once again mentally and physically.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

You cannot make her fall in love with you if she does not want to.

You could however look in the mirror and fall in love with yourself. It sounds like you are dealing with a great deal of suffering and conflicting messages within. 

You are turned on by the thought of the OM and your wife. This is contrary to your belief that you should be upset and not stand for this at all. Yet you are getting aroused. As another poster has pointed out this is not unusual or abnormal and it points to a submissive nature. 

If you wish your wife to respect you again I recommend telling her that the affair needs to stop now or you will divorce her. Although it looks like you/she are/is heading that way anyway.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

There is nothing wrong with you but there is certainly something wrong with your marriage. I think the feelings can be very intense and confusing when you are cheated on and I think that this mix of different feelings commonly includes some level of arousal, sexual curiosity regarding your wife with another man, and fantasy. I think many men suppress this because it's not how you are 'supposed' to respond. Also, it's not pure arousal but the complex mixture that I described.

This is very rarely raised by the male cheating victims here. However, 'mind movies' are commonly discussed and I think it's perfectly normal to be both disgusted and a little bit aroused by these mind movies. It does not mean you are a cuckold or that you are weak or submissive. In fact, it's a very masculine involuntary response prompted by a male's instinct to aggressively compete for his mate when threatened by other males. Simple jealousy where there is no cheating can have the same effect.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

There is one theory that your body is in fact preparing to compete with the sperm of the other man. It's referred to as "sperm wars". The theory goes that the knowledge your partner was with someone else causes you to produce additional sperm in order to flood out his sperm when you have sex with her. I can't speak to the validity of the theory but if it's true it could explain your reaction.

Either way I don't think you should be concerned about it. I think it's normal.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

You should be over on the MSSL blog getting your advice from Athol Kay. Read his book and do exactly what it says. You might still lose your wife but the next one will be way better.


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## Asian (Nov 4, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You sniffle her underwear?


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## Asian (Nov 4, 2012)

Yes I do.... I've been studying women's dirty underwear and behavior. I've checking up on my wife's dirty underwear everyday.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

I'll never be able to unread that......


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