# One year later and POSOM dumps XWAW



## Joburg

It has been one year and one month after Dday - I was sitting in the bathtub with my wife and she told me about OM. 

My first post was garble, it took me 6 weeks before I started reading TAM and in the following weeks I went through the motions following advice in a daze that I did not understand at the time. Then spent the last year reading and reading many many posts on TAM without posting myself - until now.

Short story - Dday I was told of OM, a driector and big boss at work. She wanted us to still share the same house wilst she went off to sleep over at OM like 3 times a week - and then she did it. So it thus was for about 6 weeks until my friends came to rescue me. One day she went off to OM and a team of friends came over with vans and trailers and loaded everything of value and left the rubbish behind with a bolttle of bubbly and a card from them in the centre of the empty lounge. 

Next thing my friends arranged storage for everything, took my phone and sent me across the border to Namibia to an array of pre-arranged farms and friends. Namibia is a vast vast open country with hundreds of miles of open space. So I spent 2 months of NC with STBXW, meeting amazing wonderful new people and grieving my heart out with plenty alone time in the desert. 

Got back to find that STBXW ready with divorce papers, she wanted to avoid embarresment (yea I wrote a stinky email to the other directors at her large corporation before I left). So that wast it, 5 months after Dday the divorce was finalised in court - frankly she got nothing.

Then I meet a real awesome GF, all my friends and family like her and I am told not to F it up. Anyways things are great and plenty fun around, we both live outdoor lives on farms and horseback. I have bought a partnership deal into a business and my new career taking off well, spending plenty time concentrating on the new venture.

To get back to the topic - the only thing still connecting me with XWAW is that the car she is driving is still on my name for some practical finacial reason and conditions agreed to in the devorce papers. So I need to re-new the licence of the vehicle in person, and it is now due. Sooooooo I get a pop-up chat from X out of the blue to remind me and suddenly a coffee meeting is suggested. Eishhhhhhhhhh. 

So a quick follow-up contact with some shared friends to find out what is cooking, and I was pointed to have a look at her FB page. Oh well from what she is posting it is apparent that POSOM is done with her. 

How do I feel ? -- not elated at all. Now she has lost basically everything and has to move in with her sister. When I moved out, part of my grief and anguish was about her losing a lot of her tresured items too. I am done, I hurt allready for her part too. I now just feel like an observer - I have a great new life and future and will fight to protect it.


----------



## browneyes74

Good for you.. I hope that I have that feeling 6 months from now. 

I'm 6 months out and still have anger. Unfortunately, I still have to deal with him b/c of kids, so that's that.. 

You sound in a really good place and very healthy. 

And as for your ex? Well, I guess the grass wasn't greener...


----------



## Shooboomafoo

My ex makes the grass appear green, even if there is no grass,, and its a barren wasteland of lies and projection. Ah,,, sooo gooood to be away from her. Its been 2 yrs for me and I still see the ex and the old place too often, due to the child, but getting time with the kiddo is paramount to the ex. 
These days, I hold no grief or longing whatsoever for the ex. I look back at the miserable excuse for a relationship that was, and consider the "prize" that Mr. MoveRightIn is getting. What a huge LOL.

I think nothing of her, other than perhaps still some residual disgust.

For a person that suggested you live in a house with her whilst she goes and spends the nights at another man's house, I am sure you are aware of how incredibly insane and inappropriate that is. 
Be glad you got away.


----------



## manticore

good for you man, thank GOD your friends helped you to get out for such a toxic environment, it sounds like you were in the limbo which is common in this situtions.

an what will you do?, are you going to take coffe with her?


----------



## Joburg

Oh yeah, I am ready to face her !!

I have been through - what did I do wrong? - a thousand times, I thought about past decisions and actions and I could/should have done this or that. My final answer - I did nothing wrong !!! You spoiled her rotten - some freinds said. 

Yip worse than limbo the first few weeks, I still slept with her and sat in the bathtub with her. Wow I did everything wrong at first. 

Now I am in a good place with great company, I am moving ahead into a new future with a lot more wisdom. I am in great shape phisically too.

Yes, bring that coffee !!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Make sure she buys.


----------



## manticore

she will probably beg and cry for a second chance, saying how idiot she was.

do not fall for her cries, remember that is the same woman that had no problems in seeing you broken in spirit and still continued going to sleep with her boss


----------



## Chuck71

seems your X was not careful in what she was wishing for

it is sweet, sometimes people DO get just what they wanted

:rofl:


----------



## LongWalk

How old is she?

How are your children taking it? You have two, right?

You suspected her affair would crash and it did.


----------



## brokenbythis

manticore said:


> she will probably beg and cry for a second chance, saying how idiot she was.
> 
> do not fall for her cries, remember that is the same woman that had no problems in seeing you broken in spirit and still continued going to sleep with her boss


Exactly. This is the scenario I am currently faced with. Beg and cry saying how stupid he was, how he made such a huge mistake. Close your ears to the BS. Sometimes when I listen to his tales of woe and I start to feel some pity for him, then I quickly remind myself this is the same person who had no trouble dumping his family for a series of skanks, deleting me from facebook and posting pics of him and his skanks all over the internet for everyone we knew to see (except me - I was the last to know) and finally... was stupid enough to get a skank pregnant. The same man who displayed such disdain and hate towards me for the last few years of our marriage, the same man who told me I was fat, ugly, useless (I am none of these) and that I was ruining his life.

Run don't walk from any crocodile tears and BS excuses. I truly believe in Karma and I truly believe they will do it again and again. Its part of their genetic and behavioral makeup.

Let them live the life they've made for themselves.


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> Make sure she buys.


:rofl:


----------



## Joburg

Against my bravery to face her, my trusted bud advised me to stay away!. So I sent the papers by courier.

Long Walk she is now 44 and the kids are varsity, they are just fine. The young one still talks to me but I have been demonised to the eldest, so I still keep my distance. I am not too concerned about his attitude towards me, let him be.

She has made contact a few times for small things like her resume that is on my pc, I just sent it to her by e-mail. I avoid contacting her. No, she will not come crying back, not her type.

Look, she is pretty and petite, recourceful and intelligent. She will find another man for sure. She will be shopping up-market, but we all know that finding a financially independant man that is willing to play GB Shaw Pygmalion and put up with her #@%$ is not easy at this age.


----------



## Joburg

Some more on my life after devorce. I made one huge huge mistake in the past, that was to let my wife into my businesses. It was like a a slow financial cancer and she was good at hiding that away too. By the time that I started asking real Q's the damage was allready done on the balance sheets. How was I soooo blind?

The end of the story was I had to sell the businesses and she was having an EA. Today the enterprises are still standing and doing very well, I did good business and made good business decisions, I am just not the owner anymore. I was sleeping whilst she was pulling the financial carpet fom under my feet - I had more problems dealing with this issue rather than the EA and POSOM. Looking back there was a lot of apparent NPD traits that I was totally blind to.

So I walked out with all the furniture but no business, no income and no job. All I realy had was a paid for SUV that just happened to be in great demand in the used car market. So I sold it and bought a partnership in a business with an arrangement to work for many months and make up capital shortfall in leu of payment. Geeez it has been a difficult year working with no income, but I have come to the end of those months and now starting to draw some income. It has been real difficult and challenging, but I survived and now comming back as a business owner again.

Suddenly, one year later, I am in an ok place with and amazing supporting GF. Life is starting to look great again.


----------



## manticore

wow, it seems that infidelity was not the only problemm with her, is good to see that hard work pays in the end, and yes I also think that contacting her as Little as posible is the more healthy for you.

I am sorry for your kids, she probably will try to make you the villian also with the youngest


----------



## LongWalk

One aspect of your experience – your wife having sex with you in the bath while already building her relationship with him – was very sad for you at first. Now, though, the pain is hers because the cake eating in reverse is nothing that interests you.

I sense that you still love her at some level and always will. You will feel sorry for her. Hope your new SO can balance out the conflicting feelings. It's impossible to split with someone after so many years and two children and then simply have no deep imprint.

As to the alienation of your son, that is something that you need to work on. You don't want him to repeat your story: he may become a rescuer in relationships and get sucked in by a woman who eventually cheats on him or is dysfunctional.

You can meet your ex some day, once you feel secure again.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh gosh so was she trashily posting that the OM had dumped her on her FB? Like, announcing it/writing about it?

That is kind of the idea I get from what you posted. I will never understand why people post such personal things such as that on social media.

Also, thanks for posting this --about her getting nothing in the divorce. I am so glad you wrote that because I am so tired of hearing from several men about how "wives always get everything in the divorce." It's not true a lot of times. 

You are better off without her and I do hope you have a beautiful future


----------



## Chuck71

Jellybeans said:


> Oh gosh so was she trashily posting that the OM had dumped her on her FB? Like, announcing it/writing about it?
> 
> That is kind of the idea I get from what you posted. I will never understand why people post such personal things such as that on social media.
> 
> Also, thanks for posting this --about her getting nothing in the divorce. I am so glad you wrote that because I am so tired of hearing from several men about how "wives always get everything in the divorce." It's not true a lot of times.
> 
> You are better off without her and I do hope you have a beautiful future



those people have low self esteem

and will do anything for attention and acceptance

even harm their own well being to get it


----------



## Joburg

Jellybeans said:


> Oh gosh so was she trashily posting that the OM had dumped her on her FB? Like, announcing it/writing about it?


Not that brash and in words, but all those kind of motivational bs posters that basically mean 1 + 1 = 2


----------



## Jellybeans

Joburg said:


> Not that brash and in words, but all those kind of motivational bs posters that basically mean 1 + 1 = 2


Oh gosh those are even worse! LOL


----------



## hereinthemidwest

Then mail her the lic sticker of what ever you have for her with postage due. You are still at that weak part. 
Remember this....She cheated, lied. Now she got dumped and can't probably support herself so she needs you. I hate to see you fall back into the bed of lies. You have come along aways. 

Don't waste words on people who deserve your silence. Some times the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.


----------



## stillhoping

I agree, silence was a lot...weird that its so hard to do.


----------



## Joburg

XW is now moving into her new small apartment this month end. I recieved a few messages from her wanting to know if I still have this or that hosehold item. I just typed back no, and have ignored most of the requests.

Thing is, new relationships at my age is not that easy and building a future with my new GF has its own set of challenges for both of us. I like where I am now. By starting to talk with XW now will only turn XW into the OW, jeopardize the new relationship and go against everything I have been working for from TAM.


----------



## Lefacade

You have awesome friends.


----------



## Joburg

Ooooh man when cheaters cheat on cheaters - why posom dumped xw...........

Discussed before was that posom is a director at a very large company and xw was an employee, and my reasoning was that he as director is using his company for the pickings. So xw is living with posom and does notice some xtra texting on his phone. Xw then discovers that it is another employee at the office and is quick to contact her husband about this situation. Hubby does not believe her and finds nothing on his wife's phone, xw tells him to check the numbers, and lo and behold there is posoms number saved under a female name with plenty lovey dovey texting. Obvoiusly posom is not impressed when confronted from outside and dumps xw.

:rofl: It was a very entertaining lunch today with my old trusted friend whose wife is still friends with my xw.


----------



## LongWalk

Have things gotten better with your older son?


----------



## Joburg

No LW, and friends still warn me to keep a distance. Believe he is doing very well at his first full time job. Very unhappy with mom as well.


----------



## LongWalk

That's sad. All you can do is let him know through friends that you are there for him. Maybe once he gets married or some reaches some new stage in life.


----------



## COguy

Dude you have awesome friends. That's all I'm going to say.


----------

