# Sharing



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I want a man who would feel sick with the thought of sharing me with another man and even another woman. Is this unrealistic given what seems to be common male fantasies? I do realize that a person can have a fantasy that they would not want to actually act on in real life but honestly I really don't think I could ever even indulge a SO in a role play of this fantasy at all. I'm open minded but for me.... This is deadlocked!. I don't think I could continue a relationship with man who even tried to broach this topic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I agree. But I don't think it's actually a common male fantasy.

Most guys won't let another person drive their car. Because the value it.

Same goes for guys or women sexually sharing their partner. You wouldn't do that if you valued them.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

inarut said:


> I want a man who would feel sick with the thought of sharing me with another man and even another woman. Is this unrealistic given what seems to be common male fantasies? I do realize that a person can have a fantasy that they would not want to actually act on in real life but honestly I really don't think I could ever even indulge a SO in a role play of this fantasy at all. I'm open minded but for me.... This is deadlocked!. I don't think I could continue a relationship with man who even tried to broach this topic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I agreed with you 100%. I would like to have two or more hot woman at the same time, male fantasy, but I know if I crossed that line, I could never go back to just one woman, so I don't bring it up ever. The most I do is view porn once in a while (two or three hot ladies) and that's how far my fantasy goes. If I was single, different story, but since I'm married, some fantasies will remain just that, respect marriage and my wifee and not act on my mindless fantasies.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

And that's my question cuddle bug. Is it something you as a man give up although you still want it or is it something you eventually stop wanting?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'm a man and I can say HELL NO I wouldn't share my woman. Not no way, not no how. She's mine. Not even a fantasy. I value her way too much. I'm way too in love, and way too possessive. Wouldn't even share the pics of her that I have for a million bucks.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Deep down, I only want one woman, my wifee and that's it.

On my mindless sex crazed fantasy side, which is not realistic, 2 or 3 hot ladies at the same time, anal sex, oiled breast and foot jobs, outside sex, any position imaginable. Now most of these my wife can do, but chooses not to because she is LD vanilla. That's why I view the porn once in a while, which I am not proud of. If she did have a healthy high sex drive, and did these things often with me, I have zero desire for porn or other women. It all comes down to being sexually compatible and taking care or your spouses sexual needs.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Lets say...your wife desires you. Has sex with you , enjoys it and is open to what you want . Would you still have that fantasy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If my wifee wanted anal sex, oil breast and foot jobs, 69 I'm on top, in the shower, car, outside, toys, etc, etc, etc., I honestly would have no desire to go the 3 some route because she is meeting my sexual needs and I'm happy.

My wife and I are the types, that we don't have sex with other people while being married because that's adultery and breaking your marriage vows, disrespecting God, both sets of parents, etc. I believe in God and she is in the middle of the fence on that because her Mom believes and her Dad is an Atheist.

If we did cross that line and start having 3 somes, another hot lady, our marriage wouldn't really be a marriage anymore and someone always gets hurt down the road.

It really comes down to what you believe. God fearing, hubby and wifee faithful to each other in marriage or secular word, no faith, do whatever pops in your head and say its okay and be married.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I'm a man and I can say HELL NO I wouldn't share my woman. Not no way, not no how. She's mine. Not even a fantasy. I value her way too much. I'm way too in love, and way too possessive. Wouldn't even share the pics of her that I have for a million bucks.


My H feels the same way! He said it would kill him to think of me with someone else. 
I feel the same way!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Thank you for sharing.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Ok. Still asking the same question. if you love your wife and you have a healthy satisfying sex life is this something you would still want or fantasize about?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

inarut said:


> Ok. Still asking the same question. if you love your wife and you have a healthy satisfying sex life is this something you would still want or fantasize about?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



No, I would be happy and there would be no need to and I don't even think about it.

Now the only reason I have this sexual fantasy of mine, is because my basic sexual needs are not being met and not nearly often enough, so when I view porn, I check out anything and everything to fill that sexual hole. Anything to do with hot ladies, BJ, anal, 3 some, strap on, anything.

Your hubby married you and only you and you to him.

The sexual acts and fantasies should be between you both and do whatever makes it fun and crazy. If he is pushing you for a 3 some and you aren't into that, he isn't doing what's best for you and your marriage. He is only doing what his fantasy is and nothing more. As a loving hubby, he should be happy with you and not another woman, otherwise, time to divorce him and find a good man.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I think fantasies are Hot. And I love to know what makes my man tick. I agree i may never fulfill his fantasies, but it is fun to talk about, visualize and tease...

Sex should be fun. This is taking it way too seriously IMO.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I'm not in a relationship right now I just have been reading other posts had strong emotional response and wanted opinions from men on what they feel is "normal"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I dated a guy who had this as his #1 fantasy. We talked about it, and I said that I really wasn't sure I'd want to watch him have sex with another girl..
That would be painful, not hot. His response? "Well, that would be something you'd have to get over and be okay with."

Not surprisingly, I dumped him because he was an incredibly self-centered jerk.

Don't get me wrong... I'm liberal. I have done most if not all of the things CuddleBug mentioned. But even still, I have no desire to do that. It just seems to taint the specialness of the bond you have with your partner in a layer of trashy.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Pepper123 said:


> I dated a guy who had this as his #1 fantasy. We talked about it, and I said that I really wasn't sure I'd want to watch him have sex with another girl..
> That would be painful, not hot. His response? "Well, that would be something you'd have to get over and be okay with."
> 
> Not surprisingly, I dumped him because he was an incredibly self-centered jerk.
> ...



Beautifully said. :smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

I couldn't either.

I _judge_ that fantasy...I just do.

I think that it's indicative of a 'weaker' male...because it goes against the proper biological prerogative of males of any species in nature. 

You fight for the female. You mate with the female. And you protect the female from all other males (to keep her all for yourself).

And the willingness to Fight, Mate, and Keep--ensure that your DNA (your SELF) endures even after you leave this world.

When you're a human, a lot of fancy window-dressing is piled on top of these actions/urges...but the underlying scaffolding is the same. 

That desire to see your woman sleep with another man...just smacks of insecurity...and while plenty of men and women are insecure in various ways...for whatever reason...a certain number of men deal with this feeling through wife sharing fantasies. 

I don't know what the root is...

I do know many cuckholds...envision a particular type of man...it can't be just anyone...and usually, I think it's a physically strong type of guy they imagine...

So...

Is it that they feel 'validated' as a man by watching other 'powerful' men willing sleep with the woman who is _their _wife ?

Is it just a turn-on to get to sleep with the same woman a 'powerful' man just slept with? 

Is it that, they themselves are sexually attracted to men and that somehow, by having a woman in the mix, they're allowed to indulge in their homoerotic fantasies without feeling that they're 'gay'?

I think all three of these things are possible factors, and there are probably more I'm not considering.

The behavior honestly fascinates me ---BUT only from AFAR...

I would never, never, go for this in a relationship...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

inarut said:


> And that's my question cuddle bug. Is it something you as a man give up although you still want it or is it something you eventually stop wanting?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When I was in my twenties, I had a lot of testosterone. I hadn't experienced much in the way of variety in sex. I had less understanding of life. 

I wanted to try almost anything. I wanted to feel and explore first-hand what these things were and know if they were for me. How could I know if I didn't try them? Did I try them? Some, but not all. Some were just fantasies. Sometimes I verbalized them because the desire to explore was so great. I was married at the time and probably repulsed my xw1 with some of them. 



inarut said:


> Lets say...your wife desires you. Has sex with you , enjoys it and is open to what you want . Would you still have that fantasy?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This might be subjective. Want? Yes. Actively search for it rather than just talk through the idea? NO Isn't that what you are doing right here, talking about your sexual preferences and thoughts? Great when you can do this within marriage and not be judged. 



inarut said:


> Ok. Still asking the same question. if you love your wife and you have a healthy satisfying sex life is this something you would still want or fantasize about?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fantasize? Maybe until it's talked about in the open with my spouse. If I truly love her, and she is against it, the fantasy tends to lose it's appeal. It will slowly go away. 



inarut said:


> I'm not in a relationship right now I just have been reading other posts had strong emotional response and wanted opinions from men on what they feel is "normal"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never talked much with other men about it. I didn't like to talk about sex with other men, just my wife. She was the one important to my sex life. These fantasies would be too personal and I'd be too vulnerable to ridicule from hardened unsympathetic men. The jokes would abound even if they secretly agreed.

*Edit:* After I posted and read the one above, I felt the need to clarify that I wanted two women. I never wanted another man within our sex lives. It's easy to misunderstand on forums.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Well... My impression from your response 2ntnuff is that yes, this is a fantasy and that basically you just have to deal with it ...doesn't matter how much You love your wife or how happy you are sexually ,,its just the way it is so deal with it.,,not too happy about that ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have to disagree on this subject. As I have aged (I'm 53), my outlook on monogamy and sex has opened up and changed quite a bit.

I am no longer threatened by others entering into my marriage in the way of sexual fantasies or actual partnering. I'm sure if any of you have read previous posts you know that my husband and I do experiment with MMF encounters periodically.

Don't expect that to work for everyone or anyone, but it works for us. We have been married almost 29 years, we've had no negative fallout and its actually brought us closer and we've enjoyed each and every minute of it.

Has it diminished our desire or love for one another...not one bit. My husband is still the #1 man that turns me on first. But is he the only one, nope.

To each his own.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

2ntnuf said:


> When I was in my twenties, I had a lot of testosterone. I hadn't experienced much in the way of variety in sex. I had less understanding of life.
> 
> I wanted to try almost anything. I wanted to feel and explore first-hand what these things were and know if they were for me. How could I know if I didn't try them? Did I try them? Some, but not all. Some were just fantasies. Sometimes I verbalized them because the desire to explore was so great. I was married at the time and probably repulsed my xw1 with some of them.
> 
> ...


My husband and I do not care who wishes to judge our behavior. We are grown adults in our 50s and will do whatever we please. It is our marriage, our life and the only people we have to please and live with what we do is ourselves.

And, just for the record - there are plenty of people (you would actually be very surprised) that enjoy two men together. It has actually been my fantasy for years that has become reality. 

You only live once and people are always going to judge you no matter what you do, so the hell with them--at least that's our motto and it has always served us well.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

inarut said:


> Well... My impression from your response 2ntnuff is that yes, this is a fantasy and that basically you just have to deal with it ...doesn't matter how much You love your wife or how happy you are sexually ,,its just the way it is so deal with it.,,not too happy about that ...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had that fantasy years ago. I had the opportunity between marriages. I turned it down. That settled the debate for me. No more fantasy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> My husband and I do not care who wishes to judge our behavior. We are grown adults in our 50s and will do whatever we please. It is our marriage, our life and the only people we have to please and live with what we do is ourselves.
> 
> And, just for the record - there are plenty of people (you would actually be very surprised) that enjoy two men together. It has actually been my fantasy for years that has become reality.
> 
> You only live once and people are always going to judge you no matter what you do, so the hell with them--at least that's our motto and it has always served us well.


I'm curious. Did you quote me to say that you agree with me or disagree? I didn't get that from what you said. Do you think I am judging you? Preferences don't mean judging and I did not bring it up. I just made my preferences known. I'm not judging anyone.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

No, was simply stating that we live how we live and do not pay any attention to how others see or may judge us.

Had nothing to do with you personally...just your comment about how others may judge you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I'm now 51, so I understand how life experiences change us. We can be different from what we were in our youth. Like I said, once I had the opportunity, I realized it really wasn't what I wanted. It was too much for me. I am not "man" enough. 

I just got scared as sh!t and realized it wasn't for me, to be honest. 

Thank you, MWIL.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

CB you said that if your sexual needs were met you wouldn't have that fantasy? You can just turn off a fantasy????

My fantasies are ingrained in me....I don't think I could just turn them off. I may out grow them or have an experience that may change my mind. but I don't think if I were to be completely satisfied with my sex life my fantasies would just end. In fact if I were completely satisfied with my sexual needs I may develop more fantasies as I would be more open and comfortable in myself and my partner to explore.

Just saying...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I came back because I wanted to ask why you think it's bad to have fantasies? Do you think the person who has them will never be satisfied until they explore them? Do you think it will ruin an otherwise good relationship? Why? How? Sometimes, certain fantasies can help spice up a man's sex life or level of excitement. I don't think they are "all bad". I think the person having them needs to come to grips with reality if these fantasies are so strong they are taking over their thoughts. That's when they may do harm to a relationship. What say you? 

Tracy, you made me think. Thanks.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

tracyishere said:


> CB you said that if your sexual needs were met you wouldn't have that fantasy? You can just turn off a fantasy????
> 
> My fantasies are ingrained in me....I don't think I could just turn them off. I may out grow them or have an experience that may change my mind. but I don't think if I were to be completely satisfied with my sex life my fantasies would just end. In fact if I were completely satisfied with my sexual needs I may develop more fantasies as I would be more open and comfortable in myself and my partner to explore.
> 
> Just saying...



Everything we do in life comes down to moral free will and choice.

Fantasies are not genetic and engrained. They are learned behavior and when we are sexually starved and vulnerable, needing to fill our empty sex tank. If our sex tank is full, we don't go looking for fantasies and other things because we are genuinely sexually happy and our needs are taken care of.

The more you think about something, you more you want to do it and then eventually do it. The less you think about it, not exposed to it, you won't do it.

Example for me. If my wifee wanted sex as often as I do and adventurous, I honestly don't think about sex much, nor do I even think about looking at porn or flirting with other women. Why is that you ask? Because my sexual tank is full and my needs are taken care of, thus no weakness.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Just because you don't think about sex as often or flirt with other women does not mean your desire for a threesome is gone.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Also, I did not choose my fantasies. i didn't flip through a book and pick the ones I wanted to fantasize about. It just came to me whether it be in a dream or a thought. 

So free will? I don't think so...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Learned behavior somewhere along the line. It is not genetic. I could choose to go out, with the guys, hook up with some hottie and her friend at the same time. Or I could choose not to do that. I desire it, yet I chose not to do so. Notice its moral free will and choice?

When I look at porn due to sexual weakness because of my wife's LD, I look at "anything" related to hot women. When my wife actually wants sex, and sometimes 1 - 3x week, when pigs fly, I don't even think about porn because my sexual tank is filled up enough so I'm not starving.

Just because you think of something, doesn't mean you go out and just do it. Animals do that. We again have choice.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

And that is why it is called a fantasy....


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Lets say you've had it ... An mmf or wwm..
Does that make a difference ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Exactly. Spot on.

How's this, do all those fantasies when you are single and free. Get it out of your system so to speak. Then we you are ready, settle down with the one you love, get married and now only have sex with them, not because you have to, because you truly love them and want to.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I don't know what happens once a fantasy turns reality....


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Once fantasies turn into reality when they should of been fantasies, not good for the most part.

After having a MMF or FFM, and you say you're married? No you aren't. You purposely committed adultery and broke your marriage vows. You gave into your animal side and didn't do the right thing morally and to your spouse, whom you married, for good or worse, in front of God and both sets of parents.

Is the world going to come to an end, no. Physically you can do anything now. Why not have a 4 some? Or an open orgy on Friday nights? Why not have your new bf or gf sleep over on the weekends now and just have sex? Were does it stop? Slippery slope and going downhill....


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Once fantasies turn into reality when they should of been fantasies, not good for the most part.
> 
> After having a MMF or FFM, and you say you're married? No you aren't. You purposely committed adultery and broke your marriage vows. You gave into your animal side and didn't do the right thing morally and to your spouse, whom you married, for good or worse, in front of God and both sets of parents.
> 
> Is the world going to come to an end, no. Physically you can do anything now. Why not have a 4 some? Or an open orgy on Friday nights? Why not have your new bf or gf sleep over on the weekends now and just have sex? Were does it stop? Slippery slope and going downhill....


That's harsh CB. I disagree. A shared fantasy could be soooo exciting for a couple. Just because they choose to endulge in it does not mean they are inviting disaster into a marriage.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

The only ones that say this is harsh, are the ones who have already purposely committed adultery and broke their marriage vows. You were supposed to be faithful to your other half and not some other person for sex. Then people like that shouldn't of been married in the first place and been single and partied.

And those people will try and talk their way out of it.....


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> The only ones that say this is harsh, are the ones who have already purposely committed adultery and broke their marriage vows. You were supposed to be faithful to your other half and not some other person for sex. Then people like that shouldn't of been married in the first place and been single and partied.


I have never commited adultery


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

And that's why I have high respect for you. You are faithful, your hubby was not. Did that benefit your marriage, his affair and you finding out? Did that make you feel great?

Or if he would of talked to you, not seen this other woman and cheated and decided to work it out?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sorry, I have no idea about MMF or FFM when they turn to reality and the deed is actually done. 

I suppose it depends on what kind of sexual fantasy and who those people are. Most things we do sexually for the first time started as fantasies. You can partially answer your own question.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

He still went out, and was with another woman and not you.

Whether its mutually agreed or behind your back, its still breaking your marriage vows and committing adultery.

And what happens if he likes this other woman more? It will happen. And starts seeing her a bit. And eventually leaves you for her?

Or what if its another guy? You like him more and start seeing him a bit here and there and eventually leave your hubby?

Or you could just be with him. All choices we make.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

But how is wanting a threesome or settling for the fantasy of it ok.., because to me it says your not satisfied and still need others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

It is not a need inarut. It's just a thought that happens to arouse you. 

It's similiar to the acts or fetishes that turn a person on. Only it is an activity not an object or behaviour.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

tracyishere said:


> That's harsh CB. I disagree. A shared fantasy could be soooo exciting for a couple. Just because they choose to endulge in it does not mean they are inviting disaster into a marriage.


I agree. My husband and I have been married almost 29 years. We introduced MMF play into our marriage almost 3 years ago--no issues. No jealousy, nothing. In fact, if you didn't know it was going on, you would notice no disernable change in our relationship at all.

I think introducing others into a marriage has a lot to do with: why, the stability of the marriage to begin with, the maturity of the partners involved, what you plan to get out of the encounter, and the rules set forth for all involved.

You should never judge because there might be a valid reason why its happening in the first place. Some may introduce others into the relationship from boredom, or to spice things up or - what if there were medical issues involving one party and it was necessary to re-establish intimacy in the relationship?

You never know what goes on behind closed doors so its presumptuous to assume that people are simply breaking marriage vows. Remember...but there for the grace of God go I.

People may have a story that you know nothing about and you should thank God that its not yours.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

It's a thought that arouses you? 

Not for me.. 
It sickens me to think of a man that I love enjoying another person sexually ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

And that's ok. We all have different thoughts, behaviours, acts that arouse us. 

There are many things that I find disturbing, but others may find exciting.

I think 50 shades was disturbing...allot of women didn't


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

My point in this thread is that it seems to be common among men and I don't think I can accept it in any way ...where does that leave me? No place good...obviously I wouldn't participate if it was wanted but I can't even accept the desire for it. Not in even in fantasy .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

inarut said:


> It's a thought that arouses you?
> 
> Not for me..
> It sickens me to think of a man that I love enjoying another person sexually ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then teasing notes from your partner wouldn't make you think of sex with him? Because, those thoughts are a fantasy until they become real. Those fantasies, since they are one person's alone will probably not ever become total reality since you can't control someone else's actions or thoughts.

If you have no fantasies, there is something going on you need to look into. If you want to be healthy. They don't have to be fantasies about a threesome. You being sickened by those thoughts is fine. That's you. As long as you don't tell someone they can't do it because you don't like it. You can tell them it makes you sick and you think it's disgusting. You can tell them you don't believe they hold the same values. You can tell them you don't want to talk with them any more.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

My suggestion would be to ask your date how they feel about that early on so you can be with someone who doesn't disturb you.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Teasing notes between the two of us...about the two of us is great ! As I said , I'm open sexually to what's between the two of us. It is any addition in fantasy or otherwise of another that I cannot deal with and what I'm asking is if this is unrealistic given male sexuality ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

inarut said:


> My point in this thread is that it seems to be common among men and I don't think I can accept it in any way ...where does that leave me? No place good...obviously I wouldn't participate if it was wanted but I can't even accept the desire for it. Not in even in fantasy .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fantasy is not reality. You have to be able to separate the two. You have to realize that once a fantasy becomes reality, there is a likelihood that it will be pursued once again. It is not certain, but the chance is there. That is, if the experience was pleasurable. We all want to have pleasurable experiences. 

If you are having trouble dating someone who has been in a threesome and enjoyed it, you better leave that one alone and move on. Can they lie to you? Yes. Can you know for certain they are telling the truth? No. You can have a pretty good idea by knowing them for a while and being open to these intimate conversations with them. If they don't want to talk about sex, just forget it, in my opinion, and move on.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

And yes.... Before I'm called out on it..,, I realize all women do not feel as I do on this subject some want, enjoy and are ok with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Good luck. I hope you can figure out what your values and deal breakers are and have convictions surrounding them.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

some just realize that fantasies are a healthy natural thing


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

inarut said:


> And yes.... Before I'm called out on it..,, I realize all women do not feel as I do on this subject some want, enjoy and are ok with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are not a bad person. You are not odd or "uncool or not with it". You are you. It is abusive to pressure someone into something they don't want to do. Run, lady!

*Edit:* Not all men have these fantasies either. Maybe you think a fantasy is something that must be done. It's not. I have had plenty of fantasies that never came to fruition. I'm still alive. I'm alright. I don't see the big deal either way. Do or don't. Fantasies can be dropped when knowledge is available. Knowledge can help make a proper decision for that person. Nothing wrong with you. We are all different. Think of it this way. You are the only one in this world like you. That makes you a very special person. That goes for all of us.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

There are many kinds of men out there. I'm sure you will be able to find someone who turns you on rather than off. Good Luck!!


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

I've never found the idea of ffm exciting... to me, too much pressure.
e
my best friend who has been with his wife since high school had a ffm that turned into swinging with the other womans husband, then both women decided they preferred playing with each other. he and his wife separated for a while, the other couple split completely and divorced.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I know I'm not a bad person and I'm not concerned about being "cool" ... Lol... I'm too old for that! My boundaries are firmly in place. I just wondered if my complete aversion to Any notion of that even in fantasy was somehow unrealistic because it seemed most men have this desire even if only in fantasy ....and from most responses here I see that is the case.... I m not repressed, don't have an issue with fantasies or sex unless it involves outsiders...

_Posted via Mobile Device_

And nobody is pressuring me... If so they would immediately be kicked to the curb.... I know who I am,,.

I guess I just hoped to hear that there were men out there who felt like I do about it but other than 1 or 2 responders I see its a minority.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I knew a couple that tried a MMF threesome and I knew the woman but didn't know at the time that she and her BF were indulging in this type of lifestyle. 

After they broke up she trusted me enough to open up and talk about it. The problem she had was that her BF got so used to watching her and another guy then jumping in after guy #1 was through that he couldn't 'function" properly when it was just her and him. 

Then to make matters worse, after they broke up and she started dating again, she would tell her BF about her experience because she is honest to a fault. She didn't want to hide anything and the next thing you know the BF is asking her to go to a swingers club and when she say's no because she didn't want to get back into the lifestyle, the BF would push her a point that they would break up or when she would tell another BF, he was high stepping it out the door because he didn't like her past. I told her not to bring it up. Your sex life is your business and IMO some things need to be kept in the closet especially when none of these were real serious relationships. All in all, the girl kept losing guys and right now she's still single but trying. I think she did learn to keep quiet.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Another divorce in the making. sheesh


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

The problem with turning such a fantasy into reality is that afterwards the
" high " is lost , because it's no longer a fantasy.

Then it's on to the next level.

It is important to remember that anything can be justified when pleasure and not principle, is your main driver.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

IndiaInk said:


> I couldn't either.
> 
> I _judge_ that fantasy...I just do.
> 
> ...


You forgot the effect that video pornography has on people. Men who watch too much porn condition themselves to become aroused when they see two people having sex. As a result the thought of another male ****ing their woman arouses them because it produces the same voyeuristic aspect they enjoy in pornography. 

People don't like to admit this, but it's real. I really like the idea of taking another guy's female but that's because biologically I'm an *******. The thought of someone taking mine doesn't turn me on, it just makes me ready to beat someone into the earth.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

It's sad that today many think having a 3 or 4 some, etc. is good and doesn't matter if you're married. That is purposely breaking your marriage vows. That is adultery no matter how you slice it or try and talk your way out of it. You made that choice.

I'm bored, lets get another guy or gal in the bedroom. Yet there are almost limitless sexual positions, techniques, toys, etc. out there to try. You've really tried them all?

What will you tell your kids? Your parents? Grandparents? God?

Being married isn't easy and a piece of cake. It takes real hard work and is somewhat restraining, being faithful, and sex only with your hubby or wifee. But if you truly love them, there is no reason or need to have sex with someone else and break your vows.

Tracy could of cheated back on her hubby for his affair, but guess what, she didn't and I commend her for that. She is a role model.

If marriage is just a piece of paper, something you just do, tradition, nothing more, then don't get married and party it up.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

inarut said:


> . I don't think I could continue a relationship with man who even tried to broach this topic.


While of course you have every right to set your own standards for anyone you are considering having a relationship with, it seems terribly rigorous and close-minded to break it off with someone simply because they broached the topic.

In a healthy relationship, couples should feel free to discuss any of their fantasies with their partner without the fear of reprisal or anger.

My wife and I have discussed these things at length. We are at an impass of sorts; both of us would like to try a threesome someday but she (not surprisingly) would prefer another man in the bedroom, while I would prefer another woman instead. So it will probably never happen. However, neither of us had to fear discussing the fantasy with one another.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> I agree. But I don't think it's actually a common male fantasy.



Pretty much every survey done on men's sexual fantasies disagrees with you. Threesomes are either at or near the top of every list, such as here:

Survey reaveal top 10 male sex fantasies / Sunday World 

That doesn't mean that all those men would act on those fantasies if given a chance, but I'm pretty certain that most would.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

CB everyone could cheat on their spouse. I'm not a hero by any means. But I am very flattered that you think so highly of me!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> You forgot the effect that video pornography has on people. Men who watch too much porn condition themselves to become aroused when they see two people having sex. As a result the thought of another male ****ing their woman arouses them because it produces the same voyeuristic aspect they enjoy in pornography.
> 
> People don't like to admit this, but it's real. I really like the idea of taking another guy's female but that's because biologically I'm an *******. The thought of someone taking mine doesn't turn me on, it just makes me ready to beat someone into the earth.


Ah...interesting...no I hadn't considered that. Makes sense though...

Too bad there isn't sexuality data and research from multiple periods of history.

Like:

1800s
Early 1900s
1970s
2000s

It'd be interesting to see all the different ways in which having such a readily available supply video pornography changed sexual behaviors/desires/expectations/fantasies/overall satisfaction


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> You forgot the effect that video pornography has on people. * Men who watch too much porn condition themselves to become aroused when they see two people having sex. As a result the thought of another male ****ing their woman arouses them because it produces the same voyeuristic aspect they enjoy in pornography. *
> 
> People don't like to admit this, but it's real. I really like the idea of taking another guy's female but that's because biologically I'm an *******. The thought of someone taking mine doesn't turn me on, it just makes me ready to beat someone into the earth.


Good observation!
I have never really looked at that fetish from this perspective.
And your theory does make quite a lot of sense.
Quite a lot of misinformation is spread about real sex through porn.
Lots of people don't separate the fantasy from reality, they are conditioned to accept what they see the performers doing and they have trouble in their sex lives.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Once fantasies turn into reality when they should of been fantasies, not good for the most part.
> 
> After having a MMF or FFM, and you say you're married? No you aren't. You purposely committed adultery and broke your marriage vows. You gave into your animal side and didn't do the right thing morally and to your spouse, whom you married, for good or worse, in front of God and both sets of parents.
> 
> Is the world going to come to an end, no. Physically you can do anything now. Why not have a 4 some? Or an open orgy on Friday nights? Why not have your new bf or gf sleep over on the weekends now and just have sex? Were does it stop? Slippery slope and going downhill....


That's what I meant. Would it make difference if you had experienced it when you were single/free.

To be more clear I don't have an issue with fantasies in general and would want my partner to share them with me. I just have real problem with this one. I would feel insulted. I would not feel loved or valued if a partner came to me with this. I would feel like I alone was not enough and I couldn't be ok with that. That thought would eat away at me. I would lose trust and I think I would end up ending the relationship over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> While of course you have every right to set your own standards for anyone you are considering having a relationship with, it seems terribly rigorous and close-minded to break it off with someone simply because they broached the topic.
> 
> In a healthy relationship, couples should feel free to discuss any of their fantasies with their partner without the fear of reprisal or anger.
> 
> My wife and I have discussed these things at length. We are at an impass of sorts; both of us would like to try a threesome someday but she (not surprisingly) would prefer another man in the bedroom, while I would prefer another woman instead. So it will probably never happen. However, neither of us had to fear discussing the fantasy with one another.


"Rigorous and close minded "
Maybe....

I agree that in a healthy relationship each should feel free and safe to discuss anything including fantasies but I cant help how I feel about it.
Maybe it's the meaning I assign to it. I don't see that changing though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Your not allowed to think that way, though. You must be a bad person if you are not open minded to all types of sex including bringing others into the marriage. yeah right. 

Ridiculous, don't you think?


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

inarut said:


> "Rigorous and close minded "
> Maybe....
> 
> I agree that in a healthy relationship each should feel free and safe to discuss anything including fantasies but I cant help how I feel about it.
> ...


I don't see it as a problem. I don't think I'd like to date someone who desires to spank me. Not a good match. It would just be awkward and humiliating. 

No need to change your thoughts on it.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Your not allowed to think that way, though. You must be a bad person if you are not open minded to all types of sex including bringing others into the marriage. yeah right.
> 
> Ridiculous, don't you think?


Yes, it is....thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> I don't see it as a problem. I don't think I'd like to date someone who desires to spank me. Not a good match. It would just be awkward and humiliating.
> 
> No need to change your thoughts on it.


No...just over thinking things I guess. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

inarut said:


> My point in this thread is that it seems to be common among men and I don't think I can accept it in any way ...where does that leave me? No place good...obviously I wouldn't participate if it was wanted but I can't even accept the desire for it. Not in even in fantasy .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I go back to your original assertion, that's I common among men.

Sorry, I'm a guy, and I've never had such and interst, nor have I ever head my buddies talk about it. Ever.

Yeah, bad porn and movies joke about it, especially a guy with two girls. But the reality , not so much. On girl has more than enough play areas to be very happy with.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Pretty much every survey done on men's sexual fantasies disagrees with you. Threesomes are either at or near the top of every list, such as here:
> 
> Survey reaveal top 10 male sex fantasies / Sunday World
> 
> That doesn't mean that all those men would act on those fantasies if given a chance, but I'm pretty certain that most would.


First, the survey said threesome - not sharing your wife.

And second, you do realize that surveys done by these sites aren't really surveys with sample controls etc? They're just thrown together, at worst it's a survey of five buddies by email of pick from this list, at best it's a web survey with a list for people to click on, and it's 17 yr olds doing the clicking.



More realistic sample, find a guy at bar with his girl - walk up to him and ask if he'd like to watch his girl have sex with you.

Then see the survey results!


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> First, the survey said threesome - not sharing your wife.
> 
> And second, you do realize that surveys done by these sites aren't really surveys with sample controls etc? They're just thrown together, at worst it's a survey of five buddies by email of pick from this list, at best it's a web survey with a list for people to click on, and it's 17 yr olds doing the clicking.
> 
> ...


A good look in the mirror afterward should tell you. One black eye... Maybe...2 black eyes No. No black eyes and messy hair.. Well?


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> First, the survey said threesome - not sharing your wife.
> 
> And second, you do realize that surveys done by these sites aren't really surveys with sample controls etc? They're just thrown together, at worst it's a survey of five buddies by email of pick from this list, at best it's a web survey with a list for people to click on, and it's 17 yr olds doing the clicking.
> 
> ...


I like your scenario.
I think there is a huge difference in wanting or fantasizing about a threesome and sharing your wife or partner... Someone you actually love . I can understand the first but not the latter. I would think more commonly something you did or would do with women you didn't care too much about for the experience of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I agree with much of that. Just don't forget that hormones in men at a young age will sometimes override better judgement even when a man cares. It happens all the time with women in peri.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

inarut said:


> I want a man who would feel sick with the thought of sharing me with another man and even another woman.


I think the underlined part is very different. A fantasy of having two women in bed with you is very different than one with two guys.

The former can fall into one of two categories. 

MFM, where two men satisfy one woman. In this case seeing the woman you love satisfied by another man seems like a humiliation / cuckold fantasy. I don't think this is all that common.

MMF, where the guy is bi or gay and can't bring himself to come out of the closet. He just wants to be with a penis sexually and uses the guise of a threesome to get it.



inarut said:


> Is this unrealistic given what seems to be common male fantasies? I do realize that a person can have a fantasy that they would not want to actually act on in real life but honestly I really don't think I could ever even indulge a SO in a role play of this fantasy at all.


I don't think it's common for the desire to bring another man into bed. Not rare either though. It certainly makes a lot of noise, I think mainly because it's easier to accomplish. Mainly because it is easier to find men and women willing to engage in it.

I think that guys commonly have the fantasy of having two women in bed with them. 



inarut said:


> I'm open minded but for me.... This is deadlocked!. I don't think I could continue a relationship with man who even tried to broach this topic.


I guess it'd depend on how serious the guy is in having it happen. You're going to rule out a lot of guys if even having the fantasy is a deal-breaker.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> After having a MMF or FFM, and you say you're married? No you aren't. You purposely committed adultery and broke your marriage vows. You gave into your animal side and didn't do the right thing morally and to your spouse, whom you married, for good or worse, in front of God and both sets of parents.


If both partners are willing, then I don't see how it has broken the marriage vows. Cheating is lying and concealing. If it's done in the open then it's not cheating or breaking vows.

Not that you'll find me advocating it. I think very few marriages survive this, and even those that do are broken by it to a degree.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sharing is caring!

Anyways on a serious note; this fantasy is quite common. When I was with my last gf before my STBXW, I couldn't get myself to sexually desire her with the way she was by herself, so we opened our relationship to others, both MMF and MFF. It was really quite hot, and we both enjoyed it sexually. On an emotional level however it drove us even further apart.

STBXW never entertained the idea as she already had all the MMF and MFF experiences prior to meeting me, and refused to make me her pimp. Over time I gained respect for her steadfast decision, and after a while the thought of sharing her became unthinkable and horrid. The fantasy still existed, but my desire to have her all to myself overruled my sexual lust in that department.

In my opinion I'm not saying you should accept this fantasy amongst men, but nor should you despise men who possess this fantasy. Just stay strong and unshakable in your own convictions just like STBX, and over time chances are he will come to appreciate monogamy just as much as you.

Like hell STBX had a fantasy of shoving things up my back door but even though I never indulged her it's not like I told her to hit the road for her honesty in sharing a fantasy. Though she's hitting the road for other reasons...


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Rand dude... You said " I couldn't get myself to sexually desire her the way she was , by herself so we opened up the the relationship and it was hot" 

If that's the case... it may have been hot .. But there was no relationship to hold on to
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Josiah Warren IV (Sep 18, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> The problem with turning such a fantasy into reality is that afterwards the " high " is lost , because it's no longer a fantasy.
> 
> Then it's on to the next level.
> 
> It is important to remember that anything can be justified when pleasure and not principle, is your main driver.


Hi, I am new member; I have been a reader for some time, but new to posting. I have been following CM's inquiry into threesomes and such and find the comments on the topic interesting.

Regarding the quoted comment, I believe the statement regarding the lost high is true for any sexual activity between monogamous or non-monogamous couples. Just because you introduce a third, does not mean you automatically start 'chasing' riskier and more thrilling encounters. The sexual "high" between monogamous couples in a LTR is just as easy, or perhaps easier, to lose than in a non-monogamous relationship (IMO).

My wife [of 25 years] and I have participated in approximately 30 threesomes in the past year. All have involved the same partner. We were always sexually adventurous and adding a third has not resulted pushing to a new level. Having an additional partner has added a new dimension, new venues and new adventures to our sexual activities; it has not turned us into sexual thrill seekers (not any more than we already were, anyway).

It is a bit odd, that after making our threesome fantasy a reality, we no longer have it. She was asking me the other day, what my fantasy was now. I said, "I don't have one, we are kind of living it." Instead of fantasizing privately, we know talk openly about what we would like to do. Some of the activities we have tried, some we have not. Some involve our friend, some do not.

I would not characterize pleasure as the main driver for making the fantasy a reality.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> I think the underlined part is very different. A fantasy of having two women in bed with you is very different than one with two guys.
> 
> The former can fall into one of two categories.
> 
> ...


Quite honestly, and since you brought it up I do wonder about the true sexuality of men who desire
an mmf encounter. There may be some who are not in the closet but I think they would be In the minority. It's like opening Pandoras box...but whatever the case i want to know and not be kept in the dark....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Your not allowed to think that way, though. You must be a bad person if you are not open minded to all types of sex including bringing others into the marriage. yeah right.
> 
> Ridiculous, don't you think?



I think this was aimed at me. If it was, then please re-read my comment, since I didn't claim anything of the sort. I said it was rather close-minded to break off a relationship with someone simply because they wanted to discuss that fantasy. *BIG difference.*


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> More realistic sample, find a guy at bar with his girl - walk up to him and ask if he'd like to watch his girl have sex with you.
> 
> Then see the survey results!



But that would be a MMF threesome, not a MFF. There's a huge difference between the two, and the latter seems to be far more popular than the former.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Theseus said:


> But that would be a MMF threesome, not a MFF. There's a huge difference between the two, and the latter seems to be far more popular than the former.


Yep, change the story to a woman walking up to a couple at a bar. The result would be a black eye then too, only it would be the wife punching the husband when he says "sure, sounds good to me...."


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Yep, change the story to a woman walking up to a couple at a bar. The result would be a black eye then too, only it would be the wife punching the husband when he says "sure, sounds good to me...."[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> Yep.. A black eye and then I'm gone... And then he can kiss my ass... Or who Evers ass is available to him
> ...


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## Josiah Warren IV (Sep 18, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Yep, change the story to a woman walking up to a couple at a bar. The result would be a black eye then too, only it would be the wife punching the husband when he says "sure, sounds good to me...."


This is funny, but like the scenario above, if a single man walks up to a single woman in a bar and makes an opening comment that is potentially offensive, he risks a slap/drink in the face.

You would be surprised how many women will recognize (with only very subtle indicators) and approach a MFM triad in a bar and ask for specific details of the arrangement, while men do not recognize/acknowledge a triad at all (even if it is obvious). On the rare occasion where a man recognizes a triad, the only acknowledgement is a comment like "someone is going to have some fun tonight." These comments are only made within earshot of another male.

It is surprisingly easy for my wife to approach a couple when out and get them to discuss their thoughts on threesomes without offending or threatening the couple.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I'm out and about .By no means sheltered or naive. I have never come across or heard about such an invitation . I am close with my girlfriends something like that would be talked about . Maybe it's .... Like attracts like ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Josiah Warren IV (Sep 18, 2013)

inarut said:


> I'm out and about .By no means sheltered or naive. I have never come across or heard about such an invitation . I am close with my girlfriends something like that would be talked about . Maybe it's .... Like attracts like ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To clarify my earlier comment. We do not extend invitations to others, nor have we received invitations while out and about. 

We do participate in conversations with others about threesomes and non-monogamy. There is a lot of curiosity among women in our experience. 

Some close friends have made disclosures about their own flings and other alternative sexual activities upon learning of our relationship.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

inarut said:


> Rand dude... You said " I couldn't get myself to sexually desire her the way she was , by herself so we opened up the the relationship and it was hot"
> 
> If that's the case... it may have been hot .. But there was no relationship to hold on to
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aye, that's why we broke up.

Swinger couple success stories are very, very rare.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Josiah Warren IV said:


> To clarify my earlier comment. We do not extend invitations for to other, nor have we received invitations while out and about.
> 
> We do participate in conversations with others about threesomes and non-monogamy. There is a lot of curiosity among women in our experience.
> 
> Some close friends have made disclosures about their own flings and other alternative sexual activities upon learning of our relationship.


I think curiosity is human nature but you speak as if your girlfriend swoops in and all of a sudden the candy store is open .... I call bull****....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Josiah Warren IV (Sep 18, 2013)

inarut said:


> I think curiosity is human nature but you speak as if your girlfriend swoops in and all of a sudden the candy store is open .... I call bull****....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do not feel that I made any such representation about opening the candy store. In a BAR it is not that difficult for a female to start a conversation about a sexual topic with a couple or another female. I believe it would be far more difficult to engage a couple in a conversation of that nature at the corner deli.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I will gamble that which I do not value, hoping to upgrade my situation,


I will protect and defend that which I do value, to prevent my being downgraded.


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## Josiah Warren IV (Sep 18, 2013)

inarut said:


> I want a man who would feel sick with the thought of sharing me with another man and even another woman. Is this unrealistic given what seems to be common male fantasies? I do realize that a person can have a fantasy that they would not want to actually act on in real life but honestly I really don't think I could ever even indulge a SO in a role play of this fantasy at all. I'm open minded but for me.... This is deadlocked!. I don't think I could continue a relationship with man who even tried to broach this topic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Inarut, may I ask what prompted you to start this thread? Have you recently met a man who has disclosed this as his fantasy?

Do you think it is unrealistic to find a man who does not have this fantasy?

I do not think it would be unrealistic at all. Among my male friends and acquaintances, none have admitted this fantasy. A number of female friends, including those in LTRs have disclosed MFM fantasies or openly read books of the menage genre.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

One does not simply proclaim to the world that he likes to share his wife


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## Josiah Warren IV (Sep 18, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> One does not simply proclaim to the world that he likes to share his wife


Very true; I acknowledge that a sample of conversations among friends is hardly reliable data.

In a more scientific analysis, the authors of the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts published their findings after analyzing several hundred million internet searches on AOL and Dogpile conducted between 2006 and 2010. Of the total queries for erotic content, 3.4% were categorized as wife cheating/sharing making it the 5th most popular category of sexual search, behind Teens (13.5%), Gay (4.7%), MILF (4.3%) and Breast (4.0%).

In another unscientific 'analysis' a popular porn tube reveals that 224 of 11705 pages of content is tagged cuckold, representing 1.9% of content, with Teen tagged content representing 20% of content. These crude counts are proportionally similar to the findings in the book.

If wife sharing/cheating is 5th place category representing 3.4% of sexual searches it demonstrates there is quite a breadth of sexual interests.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

inarut said:


> I want a man who would feel sick with the thought of sharing me with another man and even another woman. Is this unrealistic given what seems to be common male fantasies? I do realize that a person can have a fantasy that they would not want to actually act on in real life but honestly I really don't think I could ever even indulge a SO in a role play of this fantasy at all. I'm open minded but for me.... This is deadlocked!. I don't think I could continue a relationship with man who even tried to broach this topic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I asked my husband about this once, as I have read many pages of Men in Love: Nancy Friday: ...and this sort of thing is addressed..as is so many various fantasies of men...truly fascinating book to read!... 



> An extraordinary, explicitly masculine journey, Men In Love develops a startlingly honest portrayal of what it means to be a man in contemporary America.
> 
> Here are the unexpurgated dreams, fantasies and fetishes that excite and obsess men today. In creating this historic study, Nancy Friday listened -- without disapproval, apology or censorship -- to the candid responses of thousands of men aged fourteen through sixty. She gave them a legitimate arena where they could share their "secret gardens" -- the hidden and forbidden but nonetheless real and true.
> 
> Much more than a litany of erotica, this unique volume doesn't tell us how men should love. It tells us how men do love -- a stunning insight into the desires that dwell within men's psyches... and their hearts


..and he has told me point blank he has NEVER had such fantasies and even the thought of my being with another...sickens him... would only pi$$ him off. So not all men are geared this way... even in fantasy.. As far as porn he would rather see a "solo woman" than 2 going at it together also, which is probably more popular...and he has no interest whatsoever in seeing a man in any scenes.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Many if not most men involved in MFM have bisexual tendencies. Anecdotal evidence of this can be had by visiting Craigslist of one of the many sites that advertise for these type relationships and reading what they're looking for in a third party or what the husband plans to do during or afterwards. 
Most true heterosexual males are not going to want to "follow" another guy even if the female is nothing more than a stranger. Like my uncle used to say, "two things gonna have to be washed before I use it after somebody else already has. One of um is silverware."


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> As far as porn he would rather see a "solo woman" than 2 going at it together also, which is probably more popular...and he has no interest whatsoever in seeing a man in any scenes.


I'm on the same page. I just don't like mainstream porn. Nothing hotter than either a woman pleasing herself or two women together.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Josiah Warren IV said:


> If wife sharing/cheating is 5th place category representing 3.4% of sexual searches it demonstrates there is quite a breadth of sexual interests.



It's probably more popular than that, since most people might think of a threesome as MFF, but "wife sharing/cheating" as MFM, even though they both are about sharing really. 

In fact, it seems most people in this thread equate "sharing" only with inviting another man to bed, even though the OP made it clear in the first post she was talking about inviting an additional man or woman.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Josiah Warren IV said:


> Hi, I am new member; I have been a reader for some time, but new to posting. I have been following CM's inquiry into threesomes and such and find the comments on the topic interesting.
> 
> Regarding the quoted comment, I believe the statement regarding the lost high is true for any sexual activity between monogamous or non-monogamous couples. Just because you introduce a third, does not mean you automatically start 'chasing' riskier and more thrilling encounters. The sexual "high" between monogamous couples in a LTR is just as easy, or perhaps easier, to lose than in a non-monogamous relationship (IMO).
> 
> ...


Thanks for posting and thanks for following the conversation on my " Threesomes and so fourth " thread .

I cannot disagree with your statement re the loss of the " sexual high " being the same for monogamous and non monogamous, so you point is valid.
However my thoughts are that adding a third person makes it a bit riskier to the relationship.
I'm not saying that your relationship would be automatically doomed, and we both know that all relationships always involve a certain degree of risk. But adding a third or fourth or any infinite number of persons will complicate the relationship in ways that very few are able to emotionally handle.

I'm not seeing this from a moral perspective because people's moral values vary. But from the logistic perspective , I think it significantly increases the risk and opens the relationship to unnecessary trauma.

But your points are very valid.
It would have been nice to have yo post on the thread though!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> As far as porn he would rather see a "solo woman" than 2 going at it together also, which is probably more popular...and he has no interest whatsoever in seeing a man in any scenes.


Haha!
That too was my preference when I used to view porn!

I've never really had a threesome fantasy.
When I was single and actually had one, it was because a female friend of mine introduced me to it, and suggested her other female friend.
I am on record here as saying that it confused me while we were at it.
I guess I'm not wired like that.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Josiah Warren IV said:


> This is funny, but like the scenario above, if a single man walks up to a single woman in a bar and makes an opening comment that is potentially offensive, he risks a slap/drink in the face.
> 
> You would be surprised how many women will recognize (with only very subtle indicators) and approach a MFM triad in a bar and ask for specific details of the arrangement, while men do not recognize/acknowledge a triad at all (even if it is obvious). On the rare occasion where a man recognizes a triad, the only acknowledgement is a comment like "someone is going to have some fun tonight." These comments are only made within earshot of another male.
> 
> It is surprisingly easy for my wife to approach a couple when out and get them to discuss their thoughts on threesomes without offending or threatening the couple.



In my case I've never heard females talking or enquiring about MFM threesomes.
They usually enquire/ chat about FMF threesomes.
My observation / thought are that these women may have some bisexual tendencies.


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## Vernon64 (Sep 30, 2013)

I recently proposed to my wife that we have an open marriage. This came about due to her utter lack of a sex drive which affected me - I felt rejected and this became anger. I ended up having affairs. 

My wife utterly rejected the idea of an open marriage as she felt she could not allow me to share myself with another person. I can understand this but it sure is difficult for me as my marriage is a sexless one and this is not sustainable in the long run.

So, whilst "Barney" used to say: "Sharing is caring".....it appears that is NOT the case in my marriage!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Caribbean Man said:


> Haha!
> That too was my preference when I used to view porn!
> 
> I've never really had a threesome fantasy.
> ...


I am feeling we probably can't HELP "our wiring" -why some have fetishes, etc.. There was a man here who was pming me for a time over a year ago plus...who seriously had STRONG wantings of seeing his wife with another man.. he would go to specific websites about this.... he almost wished he wasn't wired this way, cause he felt if he DID it, it would probably not turn out the way his fantasy goes..and I surely had to agree..... so Yeah...best left UNDONE, UNrealized... 

He came to this forum looking for others who may have this fantasy...realized early on, this was not welcome here and he'd get beat up on for feeling as he did... He seemed to have a bad case of this....he did share with his wife, and she didn't like it very much...though according to him, she eased up on it after a time...it didn't hurt their marriage and he was able to talk about it a little... but not push to do it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am feeling we probably can't HELP "our wiring" -why some have fetishes, etc.. There was a man here who was pming me for a time over a year ago plus...who seriously had STRONG wantings of seeing his wife with another man.. he would go to specific websites about this.... *he almost wished he wasn't wired this way, cause he felt if he DID it, it would probably not turn out the way his fantasy goes..and I surely had to agree..... so Yeah...best left UNDONE, UNrealized... *
> 
> He came to this forum looking for others who may have this fantasy...realized early on, this was not welcome here and he'd get beat up on for feeling as he did... He seemed to have a bad case of this....he did share with his wife, and she didn't like it very much...though according to him, she eased up on it after a time...it didn't hurt their marriage and he was able to talk about it a little... but not push to do it.



Yes.

This is what I think also.
Some people have these urges very strongly, but I don't think it's fair to beat them up for it but to understand it and if they want help with it , then help them. 
I firmly everyone should be free to choose as they like, but in marriages two people must first agree on matters like these, one should NEVER push the other.
It is best that these things are discussed BEFORE marriage because they have the potential to upset the apple cart, permanently. These types of matters also have a moral component, and if two people's morals are not in sync, a marriage can NEVER work.

If two married peopel want this type of lifestyle then there can be no basis for any argument against them. Most that can be done is explain the pitfalls and the risks involved. If they want to experiment then no one can stop them.

In the end , if they stay together, my guess is that they might be much stronger for it.

lol,
But it's a huge , unnecessary risk IMO , one that I would never take!


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

For women who feel like I do about it, or even just women in general do you think it's something we should be more understanding about. If an SO has the fantasy or desire but does not push to act on it. Do you think we should be more accepting of it or perhaps forgiving about it? When I say accepting I don't mean considering it for them .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DesertRat (May 1, 2012)

I fantasize all the time about my wife with another woman...it's just about the hottest fantasy there is. I'd never want it to actually happen though because a woman would probably please her better than I can! :rofl:

In all seriousness though, while the fantasy is very exciting, i'd never want to go through with it as it would forever change the relationship dynamic.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

DesertRat said:


> I fantasize all the time about my wife with another woman...it's just about the hottest fantasy there is. I'd never want it to actually happen though because a woman would probably please her better than I can! :rofl:
> 
> In all seriousness though, while the fantasy is very exciting, i'd never want to go through with it as it would forever change the relationship dynamic.


Yes, it does change the dynamic.
But to what extent is quite hard to predict, and my guess is that it is based on the personality types involved, the strengths / weaknesses in the relationship before the act, trust issues , self esteem issues, moral values , in fact the spectrum is so wide that IMO it would be almost impossible to predict which way the dynamic would " swing." <---[ no pun intended ]


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## Knobbers (Sep 25, 2013)

IndiaInk said:


> I couldn't either.
> 
> I _judge_ that fantasy...I just do.
> 
> ...



Holy overanalyzing. Judge all you want.

Let me reverse this now, I think all people that think like you are overprotective and insecure. It would be no surprise if you were divorced or in an unhappy marriage. 

I don't really think that about you or people like you, but your soapbox moment is laughable. I, in no way, shape or form would ever share my wife with another man, but to be as close minded and judgmental as you were in that post is ridiculous.

I'm open minded enough to fantasize about the scenario in question, but understand those who aren't. People who think like you are a joke to me, basically saying men who do aren't alpha and might be closet gays? I will give you a heads up, I'm alpha as hell and have a super happy marriage. I am 100% straight too.

Live and let live.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I have a VERY short list of things that I'm not up for. Third parties are at the top of that list.

Jesus, I can barely handle one woman as it is.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

larry.gray said:


> If both partners are willing, then I don't see how it has broken the marriage vows. Cheating is lying and concealing. If it's done in the open then it's not cheating or breaking vows.
> 
> Not that you'll find me advocating it. I think very few marriages survive this, and even those that do are broken by it to a degree.


You'd be surprise at how many marriages actually do survive and flourish, but you would actually have to be "in the know" or know couples who were participating to know.

My husband and I will celebrate our 29th anniversary in January and we have been participating in this type of behavior as some of you would call it for about 3 years now.

And our issues aren't any different than they were PRIOR to bringing this into the marriage.

One size never fits all.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Aye, that's why we broke up.
> 
> Swinger couple success stories are very, very rare.


Got one right here - married 29 years in January.

I love it when people judge something they either haven't experienced, know nothing about or haven't been in long enough to really know exactly what it is.

You do know that there are happily married and unmarried couples that have been in the swinging lifestyle for YEARS that are still together right?

Narrow minds really irritate me...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Got one right here - married 29 years in January.
> 
> I love it when people judge something they either haven't experienced, know nothing about or haven't been in long enough to really know exactly what it is.
> 
> ...


Yes I do know 

Hence I never say swingers can't make it work, I just say that they are rare. Unfortunately they are so rare and also based by my own experience, I can't recommend it to others sorry.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Narrow minds may annoy some. I get that.

Folks spreading encouragement to go off and do things which 99 times out of 100 result in the end of a marriage bother me frankly.

Hey, try heroin. Yeah it's been a problem for some people, but there are a lot of people who have really succeeded with it. Rich and successful people. Wouldn't you like to be admired like Steven Tyler? Or beautiful like Peaches Geldoff? Both successful heroin users.

At the end of the day there are communities out there on the web dedicated to swinging and cheating, regardless of the consequences to marriages , kids and families.

This has always been a pro marriage community, and open marriages are not pro marriage. Yes, there are some that don't end in divorce, just like there are some heroin users who don't end up hooked and dead.

But you wouldn't encourage anyone to try their first needle would you? Just once to see if they like it?


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> If both partners are willing, then I don't see how it has broken the marriage vows. Cheating is lying and concealing. If it's done in the open then it's not cheating or breaking vows.


IMHO it is deceptive to focus on subjective concepts like cheating, agreements, and even personal intent. If we look at the word _adulterate_, from which _adultery_ stems, the definition is to make something poorer in quality by adding another substance. The question is then, is the marriage made poorer in quality by adding other sexual partners? If the answer is "yes", even in hindsight if things come off of the rails, then IMHO the marriage has been cheated even if neither partner is willing to use the word. Vows have been broken in action, if not in intent.

I can only speak for my marriage, however I believe that as a husband my obligation is to always strive to protect and improve my marriage, and to strive to meet my wife's needs. Diverting my attention, either sexually or emotionally, cheats the marriage itself (to use the vernacular here) of it's potential to more perfectly meet each of our needs. Therefore, in my marriage, whether or not we agree that consensual adultery isn't cheating is something of a red herring. In my opinion if I were to open up my marriage and share my wife, however consensual, that the potential to weaken our relationship qualifies that act as cheating.

It's clear that other's don't think the way that we do. There are folks who say that extramarital sex strengthens their marriages. Not being a part of their marriages, I can't say. I can only speak for myself.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

pplwatching said:


> If the answer is "yes", even in hindsight if things come off of the rails, then IMHO the marriage has been cheated even if neither partner is willing to use the word. Vows have been broken in action, if not in intent.


Not necessarily. It depends on the actual vows they took.


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## Legends (Feb 22, 2013)

Not to down play anyone that's done it but for me I just think it's kind of strange. 

As a man this is no where a dream of mine....my wife is my wife it would crush me if she did that.

I personally think that any man that will do that or want his wife to do that doesn't respect her enough to love her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Got one right here - married 29 years in January.
> 
> I love it when people judge something they either haven't experienced, know nothing about or haven't been in long enough to really know exactly what it is.
> 
> ...


Not being divorced is not what everyone would consider success. I do not believe in marriage at all costs. That being said... You are an entirely different creature than a monogamous individual. You are "other" or "alien ". I am a monogamous individual and I do not understand your concepts of relationships. That is OK, but there are huge drawbacks that I can perceive. How do your children like knowing mom likes to play musical penises? Does your husband still get the same level of respect from your children knowing he lets their mother be a cheap piece for some horny dude? My guess is many people in your life are kept in the dark about it. Where as everyone in my life knows the only one plowing my "field " is me. Anyway, I believe the differences between us make for so little in common as to effectively negate any real advice we could give each other. Your self perception is far too different from my own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

I have done the 3some since my ex and its good but it's not the same kind of sex I could never have a 3sone with any girl I actually knew or was with I think it's merely a more is better perception most guys have and when you do get it you realise it's not as good as you envisioned
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

aeasty said:


> I have done the 3some since my ex and its good but it's not the same kind of sex I could never have a 3sone with any girl I actually knew or was with I think it's merely a more is better perception most guys have and when you do get it you realise it's not as good as you envisioned
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Same experience here.
In fact one was a friend and the other a friend of hers.
I did it once but the girls were just friends.
I had no emotional investment in either of them, and I can't see myself doing that with my wife in any combination. Neither two men or two women.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

In a way, sharing and/or the cuckold fantasy is normal and natural. Our nearest primate relatives, the bonobos, routinely have promiscuous sex. Biologically, men and women evolved for sperm competition (for example, the vast majority of sperm are killer sperm, evolved to seek out and kill other men's sperm). Female vocalization (common in humans) evolved to attract other males to promote additional copulations and foster sperm competition - it's not just inter-male competition for access, the competition continues in the woman's reproductive tract. It's also a turn on for some men, because it's like live porn. Porn is also naturally appealing because it simulates the voyeuristic environment in which we evolved.

Yes, by our cultural conditioning, this seems odd, but by nature it's virtually inevitable that _some _people will enjoy this _despite _cultural conditioning.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Just my 2 cents. I will not nor do I fantasize about sharing my wife of 28 years with a man or woman. That doesn't fit my personal definition of a loving marriage. She is all I want and all I can handle. She feels the same. Anything else would break the bonds we have spent years building. 

Some people can convince themselves that anything they do is perfectly normal. It's not my business what other people do or don't do as long as it doesn't hurt me or mine. 

Even if I found my self single again I still would not have any interest in multiple partners.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

For myself, I need that emotional connection and of course physical too. I can't just have empty physical sex with another woman. Just doesn't feel right to me. So for me running out, having a sex with friends hookup with some hot woman, just sex, I couldn't do it. It need that emotional, cuddling afterwards and loving connection as well. Just me.


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