# Dog Problems



## beeze (May 22, 2012)

hi all,

i have been with my wife going on 9 year now and about 3 years ago we decided together to get a dog. weve always liked taking my parents dog out and enjoyed it, she has never had a dog before but i have grown up with one. 

any way, we got a dog and it was poorly for the first couple of weeks due to kennel cough and took it in and got tablet etc, this was hard because the dog was being sick everywhere and moulting bad because of this. at this time we both worked hard at it and it was hard but started to get into agruments. she phoned parents up and basically they said to keep going because it will be ok once the dog is better.

dog became better and obv moulting reduced but the wife hates the dog! we have a routine in place where i take dog out and then he goes into his room (which was a play room before but now a kicthen) and bascialy stops in there. now the dog is a very good dog no barking if anything sometimes want to much attention but most dogs want that.

3 years later and yes she is still trying but she still says she hates the dog and we just get on with things i do all the walking and cleaning but she allwasy moans about the smell and just seeing him. 

what would you guys do, just looking for different opinions 

shes hasnt said things like its the dog or me but i feel bad sometimes that i still am keepign the dog even though she hates him. we have a young toddler and they are both fine together.

Thanks, bee ze


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi beeze ~

I adore dogs! Have two of my own. 

Therefore, I cannot abide seeing any dog, or any animal, being abused or neglected in any way. And you may say - 'well, we are not being abusive to the dog' - but you do have a very important member of your household who does not seem to care one whit for the dog. And if you think animals don't pick up on those things, then you would be very wrong.

Is there a strong reason why you need to keep the dog? Can you personally find a loving and caring home for the dog - one where it would be welcomed as a member by the entire family?

Unfortunately, not all people are 'dog' people, or 'animal' people.

Best wishes.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

so basically she never bonded with pup because pup was gross

any way to get her to take pup on walks or give treats to establish a bond?


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## beeze (May 22, 2012)

hi thanks for the posts, we got the dog from the kennels and the dog age is about 4 years......

enchantment: what about how i feel? i want? why not come to an agreement/ happy medium?
yes you say dogs pick up on things and i do agree and the dog seems fine, happy and always welcoming so i dont think he is bothered about the whole situation and im sure i would notice if he did.? I love/like having the dog as i have grown up with a dog, and i feel/know that our toddler will love spending time with the dog and basically just like having it..... so its just not for me but thinking of our family also....

almostrecovered: well we did at the start but after a week of all the issues the dog had it then started, we do walk occasionally all together obv me holding the dog so its not like she cant even be in the same room or be next to it. confused lol

Thanks


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it's a known fact now that when you pet a dog both the human and the dog release hormones that establish a bond for both. (Similar to nursing a baby)

I would ask the wife to try petting therapy, set aside 5 minutes a day where she pets the pooch


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Personally I'm with Enchantment. I don't think this is a good match for either the dog or your wife.

You tried a dog knowing she'd not have one before, and she didn't like it. Don't wait for her to say, "It's me or the dog", because if it gets to that point the sheer amount of resentment built up would be very hard to overcome even if you found a home for the dog.

Show your support, thank her for trying, and appreciate the fact that she gave it a real try and it just isn't in her.

I don't really get when you say, "What about what I want?". What do you want? To force your wife to live with something she hates for ten more years just because you want a dog?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

beeze said:


> hi thanks for the posts, we got the dog from the kennels and the dog age is about 4 years......
> 
> enchantment: what about how i feel? i want? why not come to an agreement/ happy medium?
> yes you say dogs pick up on things and i do agree and the dog seems fine, happy and always welcoming so i dont think he is bothered about the whole situation and im sure i would notice if he did.? I love/like having the dog as i have grown up with a dog, and i feel/know that our toddler will love spending time with the dog and basically just like having it..... so its just not for me but thinking of our family also....
> ...


Hi beeze ~

My response was based on the fact that I was putting what the DOG needs - because it is an innocent creature in all of this - above BOTH you and your wife's needs - and working to find the solution that is best for IT. 

Possible solutions to consider: Give the dog to a loving family home where you may be allowed to see it.

Give the dog to a loving family home and devote your time and energy that you would like to give to a pet to those animals that may be in need at a local shelter. This is a great way to bond with animals and feel like you are making an active difference. It's a great way to teach your child about responsible pet care. It would also be a great way for your wife to be able to see what can happen when irresponsible pet owners 'bite off more than they can chew' in terms of thinking they can care for a pet.

If you cannot see yourself giving up the dog, then you may need to resign yourself to being the sole caregiver of the dog and take the weight of responsibility for it on your shoulders entirely. At the same time, you would need to simply forgive your wife for not being able to be a dog person and not hold it over her head. You may need to look at it with the eyes that your wife may never be able to be a pet person and act according to that... knowing that it could be a point of contention and strife for years to come that you will need to soothe and smooth.

Look inside yourself to contemplate how important it is to you ...weighing the needs of your marriage and wife and the needs of the pet...above your own. Because that is what a responsible pet owner, a responsible husband, a responsible man ... would do. 

Best wishes.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I also agree with Enchantment about dogs picking up on vibes around them. We deal with the same thing with my SIL around here on the farm. She doesn't like dogs and they know it--some of the stuff gets ridiculous. It's been going on for nearly 40 years, so it's not likely to change. However, it's not easy to find good, compatible homes for dogs now. Your options are limited.

What breed is this dog? What exactly makes your wife dislike him/her? If the dog lacks manners, perhaps go to a dog obedience class. If the dog sheds and/or smells bad, perhaps regular grooming (with doggie cologne). However, you are probably going to have to accept the fact that you will be the sole caregiver.


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## beeze (May 22, 2012)

erm well there in my opinion there is nothing wrong with the dog i cant smell anything bad nothing, but she moans that he smells and just looking at him .....


there are only so many times you can wash a dog.... it is a lab.... i except that i am the only one who cares for the dog and that i will do eveerything walking, cleaning, feeding etc etc but i just feel bad when considering what i should do / what i am doing when i know my wife doesnt like it! maybe i should just keep going trying to please both of them and if it gets worse then maybe decide to look for a better home.... cud improve? unsure..... just feel for the dog also...... knowing that he could be in a better/loving home but also knowing that if you give him away that he may not be better of afterall........


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

a lab?

wow they are such loyal and loving dogs

your wife is just not a dog person


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

I wouldnt DARE give up my dog for ANYONE. unless she was aggressive or hurting someone. 

I got my dog in 2005 after a horrible breakup. she's been such an awesome little girl. 

in 2009 i met my hubs and he HATED dogs. when i was still living with the rents in college i just let my dog hang out with my parents while my hubs was getting used to her while we were dating. but once we started living together she became our dog. whenever he complains i say, "i'm not asking you do to anything for her. you dont have to feed her or take her out or pet her.. all i'm asking you to do is live with her." i've only had to use that once.. 

she stays in my bathroom while i'm at work (even if he's home) and she sleeps in a little bed by my side of the bed. they get along much better now, but i'll never expect him to love her like i do. if something ever happens to me she'll go to her grandma (my mom) because i dotn trust him with her. 

so you have a dog... so what? just love that little fur ball like your wife wasnt there.. that's what the dog deserves. if the wife never warms up to the dog thats her loss... once the kid is older it can help you and teach it responsibility, love and compassion for animals. 

good luck!


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## beeze (May 22, 2012)

hi yeah in my case the labrador is big so its quite in your face, he sleeps in kennel and like yours if wife is home and im at work he stays outside until i get back then i take him out for a walk and then bring him in.


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

poor thing has been through so much.. 

my husband also complains about the smell. i just spray air freshener before he gets a chance to complain. fabreeze works well and isnt too strong.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I can understand being afraid of dogs. But hating dogs? Is your wife a devout Muslim?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I have a 9 year old lab but I'm not a person who thinks animals are more important than people or their families. We love our "old yeller" dearly, but if she was causing my marriage serious problems I would find her a safe new home. It wouldn't be easy to do, but I believe your family always comes first. Some people are not dog people and no amount of therapy will change that. Do what's right for your family and don't listen to those who hate people and love animals disproportionately. Are you willing to throw your marriage away over a dog? Sounds ridiculous to me.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

I think you may have just picked the wrong breed as an ambassador for dogs as a whole to your wife. Labs are intelligent driven dogs, however most of the labs I see are downright obnoxious, hyper, mouthy, you name it. If the dog is REALLY a well behaved member of the family, then I don't see a reason to get rid of him as long as your wife is fine continuing to tolerate the situation. The animal shelters in my area are over run with labs and pits. Because both breeds left untrained can be hell to interact with. End up all slobbered on and scratched to heck at the least.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

MrsOldNews said:


> I think you may have just picked the wrong breed as an ambassador for dogs as a whole to your wife. Labs are intelligent driven dogs, however most of the labs I see are downright obnoxious, hyper, mouthy, you name it. If the dog is REALLY a well behaved member of the family, then I don't see a reason to get rid of him as long as your wife is fine continuing to tolerate the situation. The animal shelters in my area are over run with labs and pits. Because both breeds left untrained can be hell to interact with. End up all slobbered on and scratched to heck at the least.


I've noticed this too. A lab is one of those breeds which NEEDS obedience training. My ex BIL & SIL almost had a divorce over a high energy and mannerless lab. The dog finally had to find a new home. Also, a couple of other people I know have them, and we dread seeing them come out. The dogs are big and untrained. It's such a site watching the dogs drag their owners around the place knocking everything in their path over. It's a bit intimidating to say the very least. Beez, make sure this isn't happening.


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

i admit it... i'm an animal person.. my dog is cooler than most of the people i know personally. and i guess i'm sensitive to this issue because the dog didnt do anything. it's not aggressive - doesnt bite their kid. it doesnt deserve to be given to someone else who may not take care of it. the poor thing has already been through illness and disease. 

you dont have to be an "animal person" to be in love with someone who is. i think the wrong person is having to give here. if the animal isnt hurting the wife or the kid.. and she was a partner in adopting the dog and nursing it back to health .. if she suddenly has a problem with him.. then it's just that. her problem. 

i cant accept your wife's excuses, OP. why does your wife suddenly have such issues with the dog AFTER it's healthy?? animals who are sick can be a huge responsibility (financially and emotionally). but they're such a great addition to a family otherwise. 

why dont you ask her why she suddenly dislikes the dog? if she cared enough to take care of it while it was sick and ask her parents advice to make sure he's ok.. i dunno.. something doesnt add up.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

As an animal lover I am of the mindset that people should be responsible for the animals they bring into their homes. I am glad you guys have kept it instead of giving it away. If she doesn't like it that doesn't mean she can't co-exist with the dog. 

And to be honest things would get better if she wanted it to be. She would need to be open to bonding with the dog. It sounds like to me she is caught up in all the cons of owning a dog. Has she experienced some of the pros? Has she done dog activities that she enjoys? 

I am a clean freak so I understand where your wife is coming from. If i see pee on the floor it ruins my whole day. And I hate hate hate when dogs wipe their asses on the carpet. 

When my puppy came home I was so excited. I thought she would be my heart dog. I got so tried of seeing poop and pee in my home that I ended up resenting my dog for many months. I worked hard to potty train her. But go figure I have a dog that wont bark. So now over a year later I have to guess when she needs to go and let her out or she will go in the house. Or I have to keep my eye on her constantly and watch for her signals. This is not something I thought I would have to deal with in having my dog. 

But I signed up for a dog so I had to accept it. I recognized that my resentment was my fault and my dog had actually done nothing wrong. My dog was just being a dog. I worked on doing things to help us bond. My dog isn't my heart dog (maybe the next one will be) but I don't resent her anymore and consider her a member of the family. 

Also if it's the smell she has a problem with it is perfectly fine to give the dog a bath more often. I bath my dog once a week and more often if she starts to stink. None of you have to live in the smell. I tell my guests all the time I clean systematically so you know she is here because you see her not because you smell her.


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## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

I'm an animal lover, too. And I expect that anyone who comes into my home will leave with a little cat hair on them! I'm willing to put up with some things that others might not (I am a vet tech) but I do understand that having animals as pets can be an enormous amount of work and some folks just aren't that into the "mess".

IF you are planning to re-home the dog, my suggestion is to do it NOW while the dog is only 4 years old and healthy. It may take a little time to find a home for a big, energetic dog, but I think it will be much easier to re-home a younger dog.

DON'T wait until she says "it's me or the dog", because then the dog is the one that ends up at the shelter; and he didn't do anything wrong.

Good luck.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Hi beeze ~
> 
> I adore dogs! Have two of my own.
> 
> ...


oh Enchantment ~ it's wonderful to 'see' you here again.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

beeze said:


> 3 years later and *yes she is still trying* but she still says she hates the dog and we just get on with things i do all the walking and cleaning but she allwasy moans about the smell and just seeing him.
> 
> what would you guys do, just looking for different opinions


Sorry, I have to ask but what's to _try_?

I take it you both agreed on getting the dog?

Why are you the sole carer of it now then? How did that happen? It's my view that being part of the shared responsibility, doing what is needed for the dog - walking, training, mental stimulation, are the things that actually end up helping the human bond to the dog and vice verse. If you have allowed her to duck out of all responsibility for the dog, it could then just be seen as "not her problem" rather than a member of your pack/family.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> If you cannot see yourself giving up the dog, then you may need to resign yourself to being the sole caregiver of the dog and take the weight of responsibility for it on your shoulders entirely. At the same time, you would need to simply forgive your wife for not being able to be a dog person and not hold it over her head.


I do agree with this sentiment... but I'm still interested in how getting a dog together (assuming it was agreed together) became his responsibility instead of a mutual responsibility between them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

beeze said:


> hi yeah in my case the labrador is big so its quite in your face, he sleeps in kennel and like yours if wife is home and im at work he stays outside until i get back then i take him out for a walk and then bring him in.


Labs are wonderful dog. But they are sooooo high energy for the first 4 years. I wonder if this is part of what is bothering your wife. It can be like having a ADD kid in high geer around all the time. Some people cannot deal with this.

What sort of things do you do to interact with the dog? Do you teach it commands? train it? etc? I wonder if your wife would find the dog more interesting if it interacted with her in a way that dogs do when they are enjoying training and showing all the cool things they can do.


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