# she says we have no communication or trust



## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

this is my first marriage. im 43 and have known my wife for over 15 years we have been married for almost 9 years. in the 15 years we have been together we have broken up and got back together 3 times over different reasons each time. she said that i broke her trust when i looked up an ex gf on face book and viewed a her profile picture after she had asked me if she was on there the picture was on the history of websites visited. let me say first that i have no interest in ever speaking or see her because of the over 5 years of absolute hell she put me through she pushed me to the point of suicide but luckely a friend saw what i was going to do later on that night and stepped in an confronted me about it. its like alot of people say that they wanted to see if they are as miserable now as they had made you at one time but my wife said that she wasnt giving me permission to look her up. i thought we had work past it but i guess we didnt. then in june of this year my dad passed away suddenly form a heartattck when we where at the funeral she didnt want to go up to the casket to she him and i respected that because i knew that she loved my dad and didnt want to remember him that way. she felt that during the service i left her in the back with my friend that i had known since kindergarden wich but i wanted her next to me during the service. then she got pregnant with our first child after doctors said that she was infertal. it the second most happiest time in my life the first was our wedding. but she had a miscarrage a couple days short of her 2 trimester. it happend in the doctors office while i was at work i wanted to be there but i already had a wright up for calling in sick awile back the second wright up could have been a possible suspension. and if i had known that it was going to happen i would have taken the suspension. during all of this we had a cat die at home that we had to watch happen our dog was diagnosed with bone cancer and the chemo didnt work and it spred to his lungs and i wasnt there for her emotionily when i thought i was and i was now longer the same person she married i was mean and accused her of cheating wich i know she would never do that but im am still the same person she married i just lost myself for a moment. now she is barley talking to me and said she wants a divorce and she dosnt want to fight to save our marriage because she is tired of fighting. i love her with all of my heart she is the one that has made me into the person i am now. im just looking for alittle help to see what i can do to save us


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

I'd say marriage counseling is in order. Not a huge fan because I have heard of people getting some really wacked out advice in marriage counseling. But you two need to talk, and maybe having a counselor there as a mediator will help.


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## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

Said she dosnt want to go to counseling but have an appointment for me next.week
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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

Are you sure that she isn't involved with another man? I would start really delving into that possibility because absent verbal/emotional/physical abuse of some kind, women do not usually decide to divorce their husbands and say they are not willing to work on problems unless there is another man involved.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello 
Does your wife know how much you love her? Can she feel it? Can she see it? Can she ear it?


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## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

I didnt realize that I wasnt showing her how much I love her
When I thought I was. I was emotionaly dead after all the loss we 
Went through and I didnt see it until this happend.I love her with
My whole hart and soul because she is the one person
That I have been with that has never judged me and it had to come this
Far to make me realize that I wasnt showing it.
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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*because absent verbal/emotional/physical abuse of some kind, women do not usually decide to divorce their husbands and say they are not willing to work on problems unless there is another man involved. *

That's an odd statement. If you look at those reasons, aren't they the same reasons that men decide to divorce? Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse.... all of "some kind" which just means whatever it means to the person wanting to get divorced. Or an affair....I just don't understand the statement... it makes no sense.


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## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

I know she hasnt cheated on me because it has 
Happend to her in the past and I have never cheated
on her because it has happend to me.it hurts to much
To ever to that to someone you love
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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> *because absent verbal/emotional/physical abuse of some kind, women do not usually decide to divorce their husbands and say they are not willing to work on problems unless there is another man involved. *
> 
> That's an odd statement. If you look at those reasons, aren't they the same reasons that men decide to divorce? Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse.... all of "some kind" which just means whatever it means to the person wanting to get divorced. Or an affair....I just don't understand the statement... it makes no sense.


I've just never known a woman who up and left a decent husband unless she was either involved with another man or felt abused in some way. Actually I do know women who have left due to the husband having drug problems. The OP doesn't indicate that he is abusive or that she is claiming to feel abused or that he has a drug problem. I'm sure reasons for leaving might often be the same for men who leave their wives, I just don't really talk to men about stuff like that so I don't have much knowledge of why men make choices like that. And the OP is talking about a woman.

I guess one could construe her claiming that he didn't show her love as abuse? I don't know, but I would look into the possibility that she has turned to another man. Being cheated on in the past doesn't mean that someone would never be the cheater in the future.


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## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

Could this be some sort of postpardum depression
With the both of us after the miscarrage she has wanted
Kids for a long time and so have i but I have never found 
Anyone untill my wife. And maybe I felt like shs didnt want
Me around. So I would get mad and depresses and 
push her away. I am still madly im love with my wife I cant see
Me having kids with anyone but her
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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

Yeah she could definitely be suffering from depression.


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## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

What I ment to say is both of us suffering some
Type of depression after the miscarrage
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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

tommurphy said:


> I didnt realize that I wasnt showing her how much I love her
> When I thought I was. I was emotionaly dead after all the loss we
> Went through and I didnt see it until this happend.I love her with
> My whole hart and soul because she is the one person
> ...


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Oups, I sent my message without my text, hihihi
So, What would be some of the ways to show her your love? What would be some benefits to show her your feeling? What is the ideal relationship that you would like to have with her? How can you get there?
You know, depression is a big word. Sometime people do use it just because it's easy. It takes time to get to a depression, don't you think you guys are just in a bad pass right now? How can you get out of there? You mention that it's important for you to show her your loved, but what else can you do?


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## tommurphy (Apr 7, 2012)

Just be there for her to listen but I cant.get her to talk to me without
Saying she wants to end the marraige. We broke up twice before we
got married for different reasonse both times and we still made
It so I know we can get back there we have already twice
To the way we were when we got married.
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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

What does she want from your relationship? She says she wants to end it, is it really true? Is she talking just to hurt more the situation, does she really mean it?
Does she believe in a better relationship between you guys?

Do you know all those answers?


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