# A bit limpy



## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

So here's the deal, could use some suggestions advice? I'll be 62 in a few months. I've had a high sex drive my whole adult life. In the last 7 or 8 years I started having performance problems that have gradually gotten to the point I have not penetrated my wife in about 3 years. We've been married for 38 years now. It's odd because I have all the desire without the response. My wife would be happy just to cuddle the rest of our lives together and maybe have sex a couple times a year! Lol now I've talked with drs in past and been prescribed the common stuff such as Cialis. No go very bad headaches. Viagra at the stronger doses bad headaches, stuffed up head, heavy pulsing bp and flushing with no desired real effect. I tried pumps and rings, no go. I will be seeing a urologist in August about this instead of a general practitioner. Again I really have the desire but get no response physically. Any ideas?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> So here's the deal, could use some suggestions advice? I'll be 62 in a few months. I've had a high sex drive my whole adult life. In the last 7 or 8 years I started having performance problems that have gradually gotten to the point I have not penetrated my wife in about 3 years. We've been married for 38 years now. It's odd because I have all the desire without the response. My wife would be happy just to cuddle the rest of our lives together and maybe have sex a couple times a year! Lol now I've talked with drs in past and been prescribed the common stuff such as Cialis. No go very bad headaches. Viagra at the stronger doses bad headaches, stuffed up head, heavy pulsing bp and flushing with no desired real effect. I tried pumps and rings, no go. I will be seeing a urologist in August about this instead of a general practitioner. Again I really have the desire but get no response physically. Any ideas?


Testosterone replacement. My symptoms same as yours just not as severe. Get your T tested and dont let doctor tell you that 300 is normal. It is for your age but you are wanting more


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

There’s a commercial that plays on local TV here that advertises using some ultrasound technology to fix ED by doing something to the blood vessels in the Penis. Not sure if that would be an option for you. 

Definitely get the T levels checked. I know mine are low, in the 280-300 range but my primary doc refuses to put me on it. It’s been low for over 10 years and I’ve tried TRT before which made me feel better but it also ramped up my already high libido which I don’t want as my wife has no libido and it’s frustrating to me. I’m at the point of not caring about that part anymore, I just want to feel better and be able to put on muscle mass even working out. I’m going to be making an appointment with the urologist I went to for my vasectomy to see if he can help. I’m in my early 40s. 

So sorry to hear about your situation.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

@TinyTbone , Since you haven't penetrated in three years, you need to be sure your wife is "up" for a new you before you begin injecting Testosterone. (I am assuming that is how the diagnosis and treatment plan will go because your symptoms are exactly what mine were.) Since she is I gather postmenopausal, she may not be able to any longer accommodate you after not having PIV in three years. Sex after about 60 for both genders is a case of "use it or lose it". You both have to keep the capabilities going by frequent encounters or the capability and interest can atrophy. Be sure her libido and equipment is appropriate to what yours will be if you start on T. And talk to her about what she will do it she isn;t "up to the task". 

Change from where you are now can cause more problems than are solved if you arent both on the same page. Your wife may be perfect with how things are and you getting cranked up isn't going to do anything but mess things up between the two of you.

The two of you need to have an open discussion about what is acceptable to each of you. Wife and I were on the same page (as we have always been since we met), so was not an issue in my case. But I can assure you that if you start injecting, YOUR libido will climb and your capability will increase. So if your wife is happy with just cuddling and MAYBE sex every 6 months, you wanting it twice a day isn't going to work well for either of you.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

TinyTbone said:


> ..... I'll be 62 in a few months.
> 
> ......My wife would be happy just to cuddle the rest of our lives together and *maybe have sex a couple times a year!*
> 
> ..... Any ideas?


Yes, a few thoughts. First how much foreplay do you get from your wife? That is, does she do things to sexually arouse you or does she expect your penis to spring to life magically when she is ready or allows you to have sex?

Do you masturbate and if so can you get yourself up? If you can easily and consistently masturbate, it may either be your anger that your wife only wants sex a few times a year, or it could be you are no longer that into having sex with your wife. If so, your problem may be more mental than physical. Have you tried fantasizing about having sex with other women, while having sex with your wife? That might tell you a lot right there.

By all means see a medical specialist. But also consider other reasons by your lack of erections.

Good Luck.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Testosterone replacement. My symptoms same as yours just not as severe. Get your T tested and dont let doctor tell you that 300 is normal. It is for your age but you are wanting more


yes, this is what I mentioned to previous drs and have since changed to new Dr. The other had told me that hey your getting older and things don't work like they used to...seriously! I'ma gonna push with the urologist about my testosterone levels and treatment. Thanks for the validation.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Yes, a few thoughts. First how much foreplay do you get from your wife? That is, does she do things to sexually arouse you or does she expect your penis to spring to life magically when she is ready or allows you to have sex?
> 
> Do you masturbate and if so can you get yourself up? If you can easily and consistently masturbate, it may either be your anger that your wife only wants sex a few times a year, or it could be you are no longer that into having sex with your wife. If so, your problem may be more mental than physical. Have you tried fantasizing about having sex with other women, while having sex with your wife? That might tell you a lot right there.
> 
> ...


You bring up very valid points here that I have discussed with my lady. We have sadly grown apart some/taken each other for granted. We are correcting this with the help of counceling. As I have begun to be able to honestly and openly communicate MY desires, hopes, dreams to her and know she is really hearing this, it has helped some. Reestablishing real intimate relations are our biggest priority now...i.e., cuddling embracing, holding hands. Allowing our desires to build together in romance leading us to the bedroom. We both got to focused on other things in life. Also she has shown a genuine willingness to compromise on frequency. I have expressed that it's not just quantity but quality!


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> @TinyTbone , Since you haven't penetrated in three years, you need to be sure your wife is "up" for a new you before you begin injecting Testosterone. (I am assuming that is how the diagnosis and treatment plan will go because your symptoms are exactly what mine were.) Since she is I gather postmenopausal, she may not be able to any longer accommodate you after not having PIV in three years. Sex after about 60 for both genders is a case of "use it or lose it". You both have to keep the capabilities going by frequent encounters or the capability and interest can atrophy. Be sure her libido and equipment is appropriate to what yours will be if you start on T. And talk to her about what she will do it she isn;t "up to the task".
> 
> Change from where you are now can cause more problems than are solved if you arent both on the same page. Your wife may be perfect with how things are and you getting cranked up isn't going to do anything but mess things up between the two of you.
> 
> The two of you need to have an open discussion about what is acceptable to each of you. Wife and I were on the same page (as we have always been since we met), so was not an issue in my case. But I can assure you that if you start injecting, YOUR libido will climb and your capability will increase. So if your wife is happy with just cuddling and MAYBE sex every 6 months, you wanting it twice a day isn't going to work well for either of you.


Oh man! Hahahahaha...you have definitely said things here that we are discussing as I write this. We have been in marriage counseling and I've been seeing a therapist for several years as well. I've made great strides at improving myself as a person and a partner. She has been receptive to me and wants so much to be together to the end. She also knows that we still have to be intimate together emotionally and physically. She's good with this. We are hoping that we can go for it a couple times a week as neither of us spring chickens and she does have some physical limitations with knees and ankle problems/pain. I love her and she now understands that part of a males expression of love is physical. It's how males are hard wired, that I'm not obsessed or a perv...just a man. We have incorporated toys at times due to my issue and she accommodated them easily after getting over awkward feelings. She is a bid prudish and I'm hella open minded.so yes I know not to hear her up and to work this gradually as far as we both can go. She understands how it has affected me emotionally not being able to physically express my love to go with what I say, loves me and wants this also!! She's the best!!!!!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

TinyTbone said:


> You bring up very valid points here that I have discussed with my lady. We have sadly grown apart some/taken each other for granted. We are correcting this with the help of counceling. As I have begun to be able to honestly and openly communicate MY desires, hopes, dreams to her and know she is really hearing this, it has helped some. Reestablishing real intimate relations are our biggest priority now...i.e., cuddling embracing, holding hands. Allowing our desires to build together in romance leading us to the bedroom. We both got to focused on other things in life. Also she has shown a genuine willingness to compromise on frequency. I have expressed that it's not just quantity but quality!


This may be the reason right here. You and your wife seem to be just playing out the schedule. I hope you two can turn it around. I’m sure you’d be stiff as a board for the 48 year old neighbor. It could be all in your head because your marriage is at a low point. No sex in 3 years is devastating.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> This may be the reason right here. You and your wife seem to be just playing out the schedule. I hope you two can turn it around. I’m sure you’d be stiff as a board for the 48 year old neighbor. It could be all in your head because your marriage is at a low point. No sex in 3 years is devastating.


Yeah, this revelation changes the nature of the problem. After three years without, I would probably forget how.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Yes, a few thoughts. First how much foreplay do you get from your wife? That is, does she do things to sexually arouse you or does she expect your penis to spring to life magically when she is ready or allows you to have sex?
> 
> Do you masturbate and if so can you get yourself up? If you can easily and consistently masturbate, it may either be your anger that your wife only wants sex a few times a year, or it could be you are no longer that into having sex with your wife. If so, your problem may be more mental than physical. Have you tried fantasizing about having sex with other women, while having sex with your wife? That might tell you a lot right there.
> 
> ...


No.change in any areas mentioned by you. All the desire and no response.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I now use compounded T cream from pharmacy. My urologist uses same cream himself. I like it much better than shots 2 x a week. Dr. says men feel best at 1100 on T levels. If it is not stiff as want. Get some Yohimbe from Wally World. Open the capsule and take 1/2 of it. Whole capsule will leave feeling anxious and heart pounding. Then go drive nails with it.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

On older guy (late 70’s) I used to do business with was in the same situation. He told me “when you can no longer stick it, you lick it”.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Hey thanks for the "heads up", pun intended!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> This may be the reason right here. You and your wife seem to be just playing out the schedule. I hope you two can turn it around. I’m sure you’d be stiff as a board for the 48 year old neighbor. It could be all in your head because your marriage is at a low point. No sex in 3 years is devastating.


I was thinking same. Good luck OP.


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## Nico_Jacobs (4 mo ago)

TinyTbone said:


> So here's the deal, could use some suggestions advice? I'll be 62 in a few months. I've had a high sex drive my whole adult life. In the last 7 or 8 years I started having performance problems that have gradually gotten to the point I have not penetrated my wife in about 3 years. We've been married for 38 years now. It's odd because I have all the desire without the response. My wife would be happy just to cuddle the rest of our lives together and maybe have sex a couple times a year! Lol now I've talked with drs in past and been prescribed the common stuff such as Cialis. No go very bad headaches. Viagra at the stronger doses bad headaches, stuffed up head, heavy pulsing bp and flushing with no desired real effect. I tried pumps and rings, no go. I will be seeing a urologist in August about this instead of a general practitioner. Again I really have the desire but get no response physically. Any ideas?


This is a sensitive topic but have you considered an implant. I am in my 40s and take testosterone but have struggled with ED most of my adult life. My wife and I had basically given up sexy for about a decade. About 18 months ago, after having the same side effects from the meds. I started to do research. I always thought implants were to increase size so when I told my wife that I’d like to look into it, she said no because the size was fine. When I explained what it was, we began our journey. November of 21, I had the implant surgery. Make no mistake, it’s painful for a while, but once the soreness fades, the sex is great. You lose zero sensitivity. All that it does is increase fluid into the area where blood used to fill up your penis for an erection. It doesn’t make you bigger, but gives you the ability to no only have great penetration, but the added wife bonus is that even if you finish before her, you can keep going until she’s done. Respond to this post if you have questions and look up a Dr. Tatem and implant on YouTube. He did my procedure and actually gives a detailed explanation along with an actual surgery (takes about 25 minutes) online. Hope this helps.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Nico_Jacobs said:


> This is a sensitive topic but have you considered an implant. I am in my 40s and take testosterone but have struggled with ED most of my adult life. My wife and I had basically given up sexy for about a decade. About 18 months ago, after having the same side effects from the meds. I started to do research. I always thought implants were to increase size so when I told my wife that I’d like to look into it, she said no because the size was fine. When I explained what it was, we began our journey. November of 21, I had the implant surgery. Make no mistake, it’s painful for a while, but once the soreness fades, the sex is great. You lose zero sensitivity. All that it does is increase fluid into the area where blood used to fill up your penis for an erection. It doesn’t make you bigger, but gives you the ability to no only have great penetration, but the added wife bonus is that even if you finish before her, you can keep going until she’s done. Respond to this post if you have questions and look up a Dr. Tatem and implant on YouTube. He did my procedure and actually gives a detailed explanation along with an actual surgery (takes about 25 minutes) online. Hope this helps.


Yes I have considered this as a final result if all else fails! Thanks for the info and about the video.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Just know that an implant is rather a last resort. Major surgery that can go way wrong without remedy. Expensive. If I recall, you are older than 40s? Your wife and you have a lot of issues. IMO ED is the least of them. Someone else mentioned "running out the clock". That may actually be your best path forward. In your shoes there is no way I would even consider the expense and trauma of an implant.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TinyTbone said:


> So here's the deal, could use some suggestions advice? I'll be 62 in a few months. I've had a high sex drive my whole adult life. In the last 7 or 8 years I started having performance problems that have gradually gotten to the point I have not penetrated my wife in about 3 years. We've been married for 38 years now. It's odd because I have all the desire without the response. My wife would be happy just to cuddle the rest of our lives together and maybe have sex a couple times a year! Lol now I've talked with drs in past and been prescribed the common stuff such as Cialis. No go very bad headaches. Viagra at the stronger doses bad headaches, stuffed up head, heavy pulsing bp and flushing with no desired real effect. I tried pumps and rings, no go. I will be seeing a urologist in August about this instead of a general practitioner. Again I really have the desire but get no response physically. Any ideas?


Better physical conditioning including resistance training and a totally vegan diet.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Just know that an implant is rather a last resort. Major surgery that can go way wrong without remedy. Expensive. If I recall, you are older than 40s? Your wife and you have a lot of issues. IMO ED is the least of them. Someone else mentioned "running out the clock". That may actually be your best path forward. In your shoes there is no way I would even consider the expense and trauma of an implant.


I agree. It's an idea, but only the last resort and also if we do stay together.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

I've been through all the stuff. We have both accepted it now and do other things. I think pills and drugs can have a negative affect personally. We are happy with what we do now. It is very common in the older age group but sex doesn't have to finish if you have imagination.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Tony Conrad said:


> I've been through all the stuff. We have both accepted it now and do other things. I think pills and drugs can have a negative affect personally. We are happy with what we do now. It is very common in the older age group but sex doesn't have to finish if you have imagination.


Well, do to her likes and dislikes sexually, she's not leaving much expression for that. Hope I can figure this out.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't know if this is common knowledge, but you _can _have an orgasm without an erection, especially from oral. That said, I think pursuing testosterone therapy is a great idea. It won't ensure erections, but will certainly help, and _perhaps _then a low-dose of one of the ED pills will be sufficient without causing nasty side-effects.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

TinyTbone said:


> Well, do to her likes and dislikes sexually, she's not leaving much expression for that. Hope I can figure this out.


Yes you need to talk and try things. I find it works well. Everyone is different and likes different things. The easy thing is to like what you like. The harder thing is to meet the others need at the same time. You can get there together. Sex is only about six percent of your marriage. Love and companionship go on.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> @TinyTbone , Since you haven't penetrated in three years, you need to be sure your wife is "up" for a new you before you begin injecting Testosterone. (I am assuming that is how the diagnosis and treatment plan will go because your symptoms are exactly what mine were.) Since she is I gather postmenopausal, she may not be able to any longer accommodate you after not having PIV in three years. Sex after about 60 for both genders is a case of "use it or lose it". You both have to keep the capabilities going by frequent encounters or the capability and interest can atrophy. Be sure her libido and equipment is appropriate to what yours will be if you start on T. And talk to her about what she will do it she isn;t "up to the task".
> 
> Change from where you are now can cause more problems than are solved if you arent both on the same page. Your wife may be perfect with how things are and you getting cranked up isn't going to do anything but mess things up between the two of you.
> 
> The two of you need to have an open discussion about what is acceptable to each of you. Wife and I were on the same page (as we have always been since we met), so was not an issue in my case. But I can assure you that if you start injecting, YOUR libido will climb and your capability will increase. So if your wife is happy with just cuddling and MAYBE sex every 6 months, you wanting it twice a day isn't going to work well for either of you.


Good post.
A friend of a friend is a 73 year old American guy.
He is married to a 69 year old women and claims he`s had ED for years and his wife has little to no interest in sex.
On one Saturday evening some friends took him to a strip club. Later on the stage a stunning 19 to 20 year old girl striped for the audience. When this guy saw that girl naked on the stage he suddenly got a huge erection, the first after many years. He jokingly claimed he was so hard that he could have smash through a brick wall with it.
I guess it`s like having a meal. If the food is plain and boring than the appetite becomes less.
My point being if a wife becomes boring in the bedroom department and does nothing to help turn a husband on, than the guy will also lose his libido because unlike in animals sexual arousal in humans is a mental process as well as physical.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

GoodDad5 said:


> There’s a commercial that plays on local TV here that advertises using some ultrasound technology to fix ED by doing something to the blood vessels in the Penis. Not sure if that would be an option for you.


From what I have researched...

They use ultra sound waves to shake some sense in those little vessels and those rusty gates.
The effect is said to be temporary, at best.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Married but Happy said:


> I don't know if this is common knowledge, but you _can _have an orgasm without an erection, especially from oral. That said, I think pursuing testosterone therapy is a great idea. It won't ensure erections, but will certainly help, and _perhaps _then a low-dose of one of the ED pills will be sufficient without causing nasty side-effects.


This I do know. I can get a partial erection through hand or oral and have no issue with orgasm. She has injured both wrists which will require surgery. So this places a big limitation on options. Oral from her is almost completely off the boards.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

TinyTbone said:


> This I do know. I can get a partial erection through hand or oral and have no issue with orgasm. She has injured both wrists which will require surgery. So this places a big limitation on options. Oral from her is almost completely off the boards.


Oh Lord.......

Your limp peter, now, her limp wrists.

Sad, has found its home at your station in life.

It sounds like I jest, I do not.

I lament that men must suffer this, as it always surfaces, when the other thing, cannot.

Taken men, cannot suffer this alone, never solo, and never in silence.

That man's lover, she suffers through this, along with he, and every time while under him. 

So cruel, this_ Mother Nature_, of course, that is her, being a _She. _


Go to a *MD, surgeon *and have this situation _re-fitted._

Men and their medicine, their medical practices have solved this problem, they always do.
Old age may be inescapable, but men are clever, and remain, fast afoot.

Men are their penises.

Saints are not men.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> Oh Lord.......
> 
> Your limp peter, now, her limp wrists.
> 
> ...


It's in progress!


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

gameopoly5 said:


> Good post.
> A friend of a friend is a 73 year old American guy.
> He is married to a 69 year old women and claims he`s had ED for years and his wife has little to no interest in sex.
> On one Saturday evening some friends took him to a strip club. Later on the stage a stunning 19 to 20 year old girl striped for the audience. When this guy saw that girl naked on the stage he suddenly got a huge erection, the first after many years. He jokingly claimed he was so hard that he could have smash through a brick wall with it.
> ...


That's called the Coolidge effect. Higher response with new or novel stimulus.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Have you had a penile exam? If you have not had erections over time fibrous tissue replaces the erectile tissue and reduces the ability to have an erection. Not likely to happen if you still have the normal nocturnal erections when you are sleeping.

For the exam, the doctor gives you an injection in the penis that forces an erection on most men. If no erection, there are physical problems and the doctor will palpitate your penis to feel for fibrous tissue.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

By the way, I hate that s**t about age. Okay, something is broken or wearing down with age? So fix it doc, that's what you're supposed to be doing rather than just ignoring and telling me to accept.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Have you had a penile exam? If you have not had erections over time fibrous tissue replaces the erectile tissue and reduces the ability to have an erection. Not likely to happen if you still have the normal nocturnal erections when you are sleeping.
> 
> For the exam, the doctor gives you an injection in the penis that forces an erection on most men. If no erection, there are physical problems and the doctor will palpitate your penis to feel for fibrous tissue.


He didn't say.anything about that yet. Quick physical exam was all with q&a session.


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