# A womens point of view



## Contra (Nov 16, 2010)

Hi 
Sorry to invade but i need a womens point of view.

I have just found out that my wife of 12 years has been in a sexual relationship for 2 months.I love her dearly and want her to stop.
She says that she loves him and that the spark for me is gone. I have asked her to get him to back of so we can work it out with no reply. What do i do?

Please give me some advise


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Can i resond please as a man?

Save whatever dignity you have left and walk away. If my wife of 12 years was having an affair, i wouldn't ask her to stop. I'd demand her to stop, because these are boing against our rules of marriage. If her response is that our spark is gone and she loves the other guy and is not even considering working on us.... well what's left for me to do? 

Its one thing if you busted her and she is sorry and wants to work on you guys. She doesn't sound like she's willing to meet you have way bro. Launch her! And tell your inlaws about her.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I have heard about this site

AffairCare Home

There is info about how people wind up with magical thinking and all sorts of good info on breaking through the cloud.

But that said, I am with Rob on this one. Why would you want a person of such **** character as to have an affair when "the spark is gone." One thing I will never understand.


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## Contra (Nov 16, 2010)

Ok so here is an update
The guy she has been seeing is living with someone but he told her that they are over.
He did not tell his partner about the affair with my wife.
I have got hold of his first name, cell/mobile number and his work number but have no clue as to his Surename home adress (although it is the same town) or who he works for.I want to confront him and also tell his partner every thing to make life hell for him thus throughing him of his game, but dont no were to start.

Help and advise please.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

My advice is to lose the wife, and move on for yourself. The longer you linger trying to ruin this guys "world" the more miserable you're going to end up making yourself in the meantime.

Let all be said and done.

(and btw, Contra, totally had me reeling in nintendo land for a minute)


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## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

If she says she loves him and does not want to fix your marriage, there is not much you can do about that. If she wanted to work on it, then you would have a chance. But clearly she doesn't. It would be best for you to try to let go and move on. Find someone who wants you the way you deserve.


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## lace5262 (Oct 13, 2010)

Contra said:


> Ok so here is an update
> The guy she has been seeing is living with someone but he told her that they are over.
> He did not tell his partner about the affair with my wife.
> I have got hold of his first name, cell/mobile number and his work number but have no clue as to his Surename home adress (although it is the same town) or who he works for.I want to confront him and also tell his partner every thing to make life hell for him thus throughing him of his game, but dont no were to start.
> ...



If you want to save your marriage, the best place I've seen is marriagebuilders.com ... Your wife can have that "spark" back with you, if she's willing to give up the other man, and work on the marriage. As they say, your marriage can survive infidelity, it cannot survive an on going affair. I wish you all the best.


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## Contra (Nov 16, 2010)

Today i got her to ring the guy whilst i was in the room and tell him to back off so she has time to think. I have told her that i will do the same. I have just got to trust her and see what happens bloody hard this is make or break


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

One issue is that, by the time a woman has an affair (if it isn't in the early stages of a relationship/marriage), she was fed up with you LONG before. She probably disconnected and endured the relationship as long as she could before running into someone who just flipped the switch for her (a switch that had shut down long before b/c of resentments, etc., that she had been trying to submerge, to tolerate, in the hope of making the marriage work--until she met this guy).

SO-it isn't about the OM, although it is true that you won't get anywhere if she's still seeing him. No contact must be the rule, not now, not in the future. She needs to decide between staying married or being alone (with, of course, the chance of reconnecting with SOMEONE, not OM, after she's done work on herself). 

Let her know that is the ONLY WAY she can make the right choice for herself. Honestly, she needs to be on here and talking to some of us, but you can copy/print this and give it to her.

If this becomes a choice between two men, it is the wrong thing for HER to be doing for herself, and it sure as heck isn't fair to you, either.

Let her know that the only way to be truly fair to herself and to you is to see this as a choice between marriage with you and being alone. That's a better way for her to evaluate how important the marriage is. 

Beware, though, b/c she may choose "alone." Still, it's a tougher decision to make than "hm, husband with whom I'm bored and toward whom I'm deeply resentful" or "exciting, new lover." 

Good luck.


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