# Please help.....im lost and cant find any light



## Laceymick03 (Apr 4, 2018)

My husband is bipolar as well as narcissistic tendencies. He is also 100% veteran with ptsd and the cherry on top is hes also an addict. We recently got in a fight and because we were loud the police were called and he got a domestic violence...or so we thought as in court some how theu charged him with assualt and battery. We have a no contact order so after 15yrs of marriage we have not spoken or seen eachother in almost a month. You end up feeling like yoh have an extra child that is a million times worse as he has a license as well as a wallet. As mine spends all "his money" when manic. As due to us living on his va money and ssdi. So he has through the years been gone added up 3 to 4 years doing rehab, some program at the va near our home, or the psych ward. However when he leaves he takes the money and says the time away we can work on ourselves. Well he is doing therapy. I saw he has yoga and gets to be around all new people and get out of his head. My working on me is getting a job asap, paying the bills, raising our 10yr old, being mom and dad.....so my time to do me.......is NON EXISTENT.....i feel so alone as half my body feels like its missing. I get home and want to tell him something and the house is empty or im sobbing because i feel so much...too much. And want comfort and reassurance and to be in his arms. However, i feel like he is done im sick...i want to lay in the dark and cry until im void. But cant because when my son hears me cry he goes to his abandonment and begs me not to cry while crying himself.....There is so much more as 15yrs is a long timey to mess things up, fight, love, learn......bit right now i cant breath it hurts so bad...i dont know how to put 1 foot in front of the other.....please help? I want to understand what the roller coaster ride in front of me looks like?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, your situation sounds pretty bad.

Do you have family or friends who can give you support? You really need some people you can lean on.

Are you saying here that you want to end your marriage? It sounds like the only real option you have.

How to you do this? Make a list of the 101 things you need to get to move on to your new life. Then just work them one at a time...one day there will be only one step left.. walk out the door.

Can you list the top 5 things you think you need to do to end this marriage and move on with your life?


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