# Christian wife vs. non Christian egotistical Husband



## Lostirishchick (Dec 4, 2011)

Ok, my husband and i have been married for almost two years. We have a beautiful 15 month old daughter. The deal is in a nutshell that we are so different. It worked before but now i'm feeling like who i am is becoming more and more of a nuisance to him. He is extremely egotistical and loves exactly who he is. I raves about everything he is good at. When we first got together I did everything to help lift him up and make him feel good. I listened to him, i praised him, and tried not to be the "nagging" wife when he slacked around the house. That has tapered off because i get none of that in return, in fact i hear more about how annoying i am at times. 

I admit i am not perfect and can be a hypocrite at times. I have adult attention deficit which has caused alot of moodyness and affects me socially. He is just antisocial in general so that part of us worked we just stayed in and spent time together. 

My problem is as we argue, he figured out how to twist and turn the fight to where somehow everything is my fault. I am being too sensitive, i'm not being sensitive enough to his needs, i focus to much on what he doesn't do good around the house, i don't give him time to relax after he gets home before i ''dump'' the baby on him. When i maintain the house he gets used to me doing it, when i go to a lack of motivation time then i'm just being lazy. when i'm in a good mood, i take my jokes to far, i'm to goofy. I've been told "enough" so many times that i just don't open up to him anymore.

When i feel confident in how i'm feeling some how by the time the fight gets heated enough i'm so confused on whether i'm overreacting, underreacting, what i was mad at to begin with that i pretty much lose my mind and shove him, push him, throw things at him. i get to this point of no return so in the end my violence trumps out anything he did to hurt me. 

In the past few months i've gotten a handle on my anger, mainly due to the fact that i just don't talk to him about my feelings anymore, or when it starts to escalate i just walk away. 

When things are good they are fantastic, he is attentive, he listens to me, he encourages me, but these times only last a week or two then he is back to the inconvenienced, egotistical, narsissic guy that he seems to love to be. 

I am pretty much exhausted now, emotionally. I just want to find a rock to hide under. I don't want to be a mother anymore because i don't have the energy to be depended on, but i love my daughter like no other and don't want to leave her either. when my husband is around, i've gotten into the habit of either taking a shot of alcohol just to dull my feelings, or i take one of my vicoden, yes i know this is bad and will only lead to bad things. yes i understand that i'm just self medicating, and i know i should stop. I'm just at the point that i really just don't care anymore. i'm tired of living a life where who i am is just not acceptible.

I want to leave but i have a crappy job and no help or means of support. I will be checking out state assistance the next working day. The flip side to this is that i'm a christian and he isn't. I have christian friends who keep telling me that his issues are because he has no relationship with Christ and that God placed me here to help him find Christ. He wants nothing to do with Christ, he pretty much believes he is the master of his own universe. I don't feel like anything is going to change. Brothers and sisters in Christ please help!!!!!!


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## youngwife22 (Nov 23, 2011)

My husband is very similar to this. When we first met years ago he was very spiritual, although not Christian. That was something I could deal with because he was more open-minded. His beliefs changed and I wasn't aware of this until after the wedding. Its hard because they're good people and we see the best in them despite their beliefs but the fact that the level of open-mindedness and respect towards each other's beliefs is not being reciprocated is the problem. Explain to him that neither of you are perfect but you have a child who depends on you two to be perfect together. Lift each other up, be praiseful, be grateful, be loving, and continue to pray for guidance and seek fellowship with your church for yourself and your marriage.
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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

This is why it's difficult to have major religious differences between couples. 

I'm an atheist, and I would be resentful if I was getting lectured about being a godless heathen by my spouse, as if I'm not as capable of being a good person. 

And I'm sure on the flip side my spouse would be upset that I was not going to buy into her belief system.

Kind of a hard bridge to cross.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, I think before ANYthing else discussed before marriage, spirituality/religion should be on the same page-- no matter what.

I don't know how to fix your situation. You're not ever going to see eye to eye on this.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Lostirishchick said:


> i pretty much lose my mind and shove him, push him, throw things at him. i get to this point of no return so in the end my violence trumps out anything he did to hurt me.


I'm glad you stopped doing this. Obviously, your husband has the ability to frustrate you to the point of behaving irrationally. Not a way to win someone to Christ, is it? 



Lostirishchick said:


> i've gotten into the habit of either taking a shot of alcohol just to dull my feelings, or i take one of my vicoden, yes i know this is bad and will only lead to bad things. yes i understand that i'm just self medicating, and i know i should stop. I'm just at the point that i really just don't care anymore. i'm tired of living a life where who i am is just not acceptible.


Not acceptable to who - him? You say you are a Christian. I assume you know to whom you ultimately must be acceptable. Yes, your husband should find you acceptable, but in this case, he does not. So what about the fundamental tenet of your faith? I was married to a non-believing alcoholic. Talk about being told I was a piece of crap! It mattered for a long time, and I drank to numb the pain of anxiety, fear, and hurt. 

I remember getting as frustrated and angry as you. I smacked my husband a few times. We got into some very, very ugly fights. I am not proud of it, but I also know I'm forgiven if I genuinely seek forgiveness.

Suggestion: put down the drink, and go meet with a pastor or one of your wise Christian friends. Seek wise counsel. Respect your husband's right to exercise his free will to believe, or not believe. God does.


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## youngwife22 (Nov 23, 2011)

There needs to be more respect between the two of you. If he is that resentful towards your beliefs it sounds like you must be pushing them on him, which is not okay because that will only cause more problems. At the same time it is not okay for him to talk down to you. I find what works best is when I don't gloat about my religion to nonbelievers but I simply live my life through christ and I am content. People are more open to your beliefs if they seem like something worth having, whereas if your a christian that is always depressed then people won't want anything to do with the religion.
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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Be not unequally yoked--I am reaping the consequences for not marrying someone of the same beliefs. I cringe everytime it is read from the pulpit. I'm Christian she is agnostic-at best. I knew the scripture before somehow stupidly thought we would be okay--WRONG!!!


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

The goodness of God brings repentance. You can't lecture, you can't speak to him about wrong or right. You must show unconditional love and pray scripture everyday. Showing the love of christ and allowing your flesh to be put aside is what brings you to true peace with God and allows His goodness to flow through you. If you are a christian, start truly living it.
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