# My STBXH invited me over to his parents for Christmas -what to do?



## Isabellam (Aug 23, 2010)

hey guys - it's been a while. My h and I have been separated for almost two months now. We have seen each other a few times (when he comes to pick up the mail), and I have tried to reach out. He tells me that he is not strong enough to try and fail, etc.

Long story short, our marriage has been crumbling for a long time now, but an affair pushed me over the edge. While I asked for a divorce, I really miss him and still love him (haven't quite figured out if this is just fear talking). 

Anyway, I don't have much family in the area, and he has invited me over to go to his parents this year again. His parents and sister know that we are separated. We will not share a room together (because he said he can't pretend like all is well). I think he feels sorry that I am alone with the dog for the holidays. He said that he will miss his family (aka me and the dog), but has not said that he wants to be together.

I had decided not to go to his parents, but then a friend asked whether it could be worth it if I wanted to reconcile? I am not sure that the invitation came from anywhere other than pitty. He has told one of his friends that he is not sure he wants to be married to me anymore.

So, what do I do? Go with him and put on a good face, hoping t his would bring us closer? or stay with my original plan.

P.S.. while he says he ended the affair with the other girl, I know that she at least sent him a message saying "hi" this weekend. Not sure if he responded or not. Oh, his family does not know that he cheated, just that we were having lots of problems.

Help!!


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

If you get along well with the in-laws, what could be the harm in going. You could always expose and leave if he tries anything phony. 

If it does go the way of reconciliation, are you prepared with what it's going to take on his part to take him back?

1. No Contact letter written by him, you proof and send to OW.
2. Full transparency - all email, phone records, passwords, etc. 
3. Partial exposure at least to his immediate family. 

I'm sure there are more steps that you might want to discuss. Check out Affaircare and Marriage Builders for other tips. 

It seems that he's at least thinking about you or else you would not have gotten an invite. 

I wish you well!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Decline by way of a note to the in-laws saying you will find it extremely unpleasant as your husband has been having an affair for the past xxx months .

If you have her name mention it in the note. 

You might as well start moving on so having Christmas with them will be uncomfortable for you and it will not bring you closer. He is using you as a cover.


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