# Travel Companion???



## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

For the past five years, my wife has gone on girls only trips with her single girlfriends, (best friends). In the beginning, I staunchly protested, (due to a previous EA she had), but the more I voiced my issues, the harder stance she took. After year two she suggested that I go on trips, however, my schedule, (work and college) and budget did not allow for travel. 

Today, my finances are in better condition, I've resigned from my job to focus on college and I also have time to travel. I told my wife that I would be taking a trip to Atlanta in a few months, however, she countered with her desire to go. After explaining the goose/gander concept, she insisted that I travel with a friend. I believe, knowing my schedule, she is aware that I have a very short list of acquaintances. 

I've searched for men's travel groups on Google and Facebook and have thus far come up empty. Not being able to currently fulfill her request, it looks like I'm right back where I started. Any suggestions???


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tell her that you didn't place any conditions on her trips with her single girlfriends, and that you expect the same courtesy.

Frankly, the fact that she takes these trips, combined with the fact that she seems concerned about you taking a trip on your own, raises a red flag for me.

It sounds an awful lot like projection...


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

AlbinoLion said:


> For the past five years, my wife has gone on girls only trips with her single girlfriends, (best friends). In the beginning, I staunchly protested, (due to a previous EA she had), but the more I voiced my issues, the harder stance she took. *After year two she suggested that I go on trips, however, my schedule, (work and college) and budget did not allow for travel*.
> 
> Today, my finances are in better condition, *I've resigned from my job to focus on college and I also have time to travel.* *I told my wife that I would be taking a trip to Atlanta in a few months, however, she countered with her desire to go. After explaining the goose/gander concept, she insisted *that I travel with a friend. I believe, knowing my schedule, she is aware that I have a very short list of acquaintances.
> 
> I've searched for men's travel groups on Google and Facebook and have thus far come up empty. Not being able to currently fulfill her request, it looks like I'm right back where I started. *Any suggestions???*


First of all sit down and figure out why you want to go on this trip without her. 

Is this a "tit for tat" thing to attempt to make her uncomfortable or jealous? Is this a trip you want to do by yourself for some reason to prove something to yourself? Is there some value in your doing this trip without your wife?

I have gone on a pilgrimage in another country by myself. My wife would not have wanted to stay at the places I stayed at or done the hard physical work of going from place to place by my own muscles as opposed to car, rail or bus. That was something I wanted to do to get in touch with a religious part of me and she would not have enjoyed it and probably diluted my focus on the religious. 

Is your trip to Atlanta some kind of physical, emotional, or spiritual challenge? If not why don't you want her to go.

When you can explain why you want to go by yourself and why it will be beneficial then you have some reasons, until then, I would question why you want to go by yourself.


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## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

"F


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## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

farsidejunky said:


> Frankly, the fact that she takes these trips, combined with the fact that she seems concerned about you taking a trip on your own, raises a red flag for me.
> 
> It sounds an awful lot like projection...


Can you please expound on this a bit please?


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

What @farsidejunky is saying is that while your wife wants to go on her own trips with no conditions (even though you have issues due to a real concern (the EA)) - the fact that she suddenly has issues with your own trip potentially shows that she is worried about something - possibly related to her own guilt.

Not sure if I explained it correctly but bottom line is that she seems to want different rules for you (even though she had an EA - taking your word here) and you do not have the same in your background.

In the end, something does not seem right.


Good luck.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I'd go without her, no questions asked. Doesn't matter what she wants or what she thinks about this. Just go. Have fun.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Was the EA ever really recovered from, by that I mean did you ever get full disclosure or do you still suspect she is holding back or that it was actually a PA? 

Has she shown remorse or some understanding of how it harmed her marriage and you?

Did she offer to take a polygraph?

Is her phone and social media open to you?

Tamat


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Since you brought up the goose/gander concept it shouldn't be surprising that she brought up traveling with a friend.

How is your marriage otherwise?

Maybe she just really wants to go to Atlanta.


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## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

My apologies, still getting used to the acroynms here. It was a PA not an EA, it occurred almost five years ago. There was never any remorse shown for it, even during counseling. In fact just last year she admitted that she was still seeing the OP while we were in counseling. 

I demanded that she have her social media and phone opened, but those demands were met by more secrecy. Although she's unaware, I have access to her cellphone, email and social media. I often find messages from ex BF from her distant past, and have secretly recorded her asking her girlfriends for advice on how she could hook up with one of them who traveled into the area and keep the whole thing quiet. We recently celebrated her mother's 60th birthday, one of the ex BF's joked about coming here for the party. My wife thought it funny enough to tell her mother about it.

I guess I can see how she may feel that I may not be trustworthy based on her past and current behavior. 

Projecting guilt perhaps?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Why are you still married to her? What do you get out of being married to her?


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## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

TBT said:


> Since you brought up the goose/gander concept it shouldn't be surprising that she brought up traveling with a friend.
> 
> How is your marriage otherwise?
> 
> Maybe she just really wants to go to Atlanta.


Perhaps.

This marriage it tough most times. In the past 10 years, we've likely gone 1 month without an arguement. We have plenty of issues, however, I'm certain most marriages do. 

I'm certain she wants to go, however, I believe it's also a display of her selfishness where she doesn't want me to go alone and wants to come with, hense my goose/gander expression.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Honestly if you have to put in this much effort to keep track of her, I would really question why stay married to her....you should tell her"why are you afriad I would do what you do when your away from me"


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## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

TBT said:


> Since you brought up the goose/gander concept it shouldn't be surprising that she brought up traveling with a friend.
> 
> How is your marriage otherwise?
> 
> Maybe she just really wants to go to Atlanta.





Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Why are you still married to her? What do you get out of being married to her?


When we're good, we're GOOD! Kinda like friends, in fact our lives are constructed in such the same way. Nothing is together, everything is separate, however, I believe her mother has influenced her to think this way. 

In asnwering what do I get out of being married to her, not a whole lot. Much of everything is a struggle, especially if I'm doing something she doesn't agree with. Case and point, she initially did not want me to go to college because it took time away from me being at the house.


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## AlbinoLion (Mar 16, 2015)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Honestly if you have to put in this much effort to keep track of her, I would really question why stay married to her....you should tell her"why are you afriad I would do what you do when your away from me"


Keep track of her, how am I doing that?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

So you have a selfish roommate who tries to control your life for her benefit. OK, it's your life dude. 

But consider this. Would it be shocking for you to consider that there are women out there that you could have a more deeper meaningful relationship with? Women that would encourage you to get a college education so that you both would lead a better life? Women who don't cheat let alone remain un-remorseful when caught and don't make it harder to catch them by locking devices down? Women who would not make jokes with their mother about keeping exes around behind your back? Women who don't project the most obvious guilt about traveling with you so you don't do what she does on her 'all-girl' trips?


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

AlbinoLion said:


> Keep track of her, how am I doing that?


Tracking her cellphone and social media use. 

Now that you have cleared up the fact that she, indeed, did have a physical affair.. she should never have been allowed these trips to begin with, especially given the fact that she has not been transparent and continued to lie to you by seeing the OM. 

You do not trust this woman. You have no reason to trust this woman. You deserve a partner you do not have to question.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I am not sure I get it so please help me understand.


Your wife had a PA with someone i.e. she slept with someone else five years ago.

She did not show any remorse for it.

By some inexplicable miracle, you stayed married to her ?!?!?!?!?!?

She still sees the OM!!!

By some really, really inexplicable miracle, you are still married to her ?!?!?!?!?!?

She goes on singles trips without you and insists on going with just her "friends".

By some really, really, really bizarrely inexplicable miracle, you are still married to her ?!?!?!?!?!?

She asks her friends on how to "hook up" with ex-bf's and other men and get away with it!!!!

By some freakishly strange and bizarrely inexplicable miracle, you are still married to her ?!?!?!?!?!?

She doesn't want you to go on singles trips.

You genuinely believe that "when you are good you are GOOD" - wtf? 

And you genuinely believe that she is still not ****ing around on you ?!?!?!?


Forget about looking for travel companions, you have a shed load of other more pressing problems to worry about!!!!


She has cheated and still is looking to cheat or is cheating on you and you are worried about complying with her demands that you go with companions ???


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude: she ****ed another guy and you're still with her? She goes on trips without you with her single BFFs, and you accepted that? You know that she's still wanting to hookup with other guys to **** with the aid of her BFF, and you're still with her?

She's proyecting onto you with your solo trip by trying to force you not going along, and you're still asking why?

Dude what are you? One of those weak doormat men without boundaries that their woman ****s another guy, is trying to hookup with other men and you know it. Doesn't that make you a cuckold?

When are you going to get some balls and man-up, if you know how to even do that?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Eeeesh. I suggest you get tested for STDs immediately.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

tell her to go eff herself.......find some delightful female travel companion, and then divorce her when you get back.......how dare she!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

AlbinoLion said:


> My apologies, still getting used to the acroynms here. It was a PA not an EA, it occurred almost five years ago. There was never any remorse shown for it, even during counseling. In fact just last year she admitted that she was still seeing the OP while we were in counseling.
> 
> I demanded that she have her social media and phone opened, but those demands were met by more secrecy. Although she's unaware, I have access to her cellphone, email and social media. I often find messages from ex BF from her distant past, and have secretly recorded her asking her girlfriends for advice on how she could hook up with one of them who traveled into the area and keep the whole thing quiet. We recently celebrated her mother's 60th birthday, one of the ex BF's joked about coming here for the party. My wife thought it funny enough to tell her mother about it.
> 
> ...


So basically you let her rug-sweep her affair, was NOT remorseful, STILL SEES the OM (!!!?) Did she have ANY consequences to this? WHY after her banging someone would you agree with her going on trips with her SINGLE Gfs? Did you have a PI follow her on these trips? What would POSSIBLY make you trust her enough to allow this? You said you've already seen messages to her GFs on how to cover up her banging (or wanting to) other men, and she regularly talks with an Ex BF about hooking up?? WHAT? WHY would you put up with this? :scratchhead: Her not wanting you to go alone is that sh's worried you've figured out that SHE is cheating on her trips and that YOU want to get some strange this time. Ugh. Seriously, NOT sure what you get out of this marriage -- I hope you don't have kids, and if not, why are you not seeing a lawyer?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

AlbinoLion said:


> Keep track of her, how am I doing that?


I'm sorry what do you call this?

"I demanded that she have her social media and phone opened, but those demands were met by more secrecy. Although she's unaware, I have access to her cellphone, email and social media. I often find messages from ex BF from her distant past, and have secretly recorded her asking her girlfriends for advice on how she could hook up with one of them who traveled into the area and keep the whole thing quiet. We recently celebrated her mother's 60th birthday, one of the ex BF's joked about coming here for the party. My wife thought it funny enough to tell her mother about it."


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## Pantone429c (Feb 8, 2018)

AlbinoLion said:


> Can you please expound on this a bit please?




People are not trust worthy tend to believe everyone is


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

1) Get an STD test
2) If you both have children get a dna test.
3) consult a lawyer 


Have you ever cheated on her? You sound pretty cool about all her craziness!





Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Pantone429c (Feb 8, 2018)

When she away with “SINGLE WOMEN” she is doing what single women do when they go on vacation.....what do you think that is?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Well,you left out some major info in your original post. You have a lot of bigger problems than finding a travel companion. Is it a coincidence that the affair was 5 years ago and then her trips started? If it matters,maybe ask yourself where you see your life going. What you've presented is an odd view of a marital relationship to my mind,but if it works for you then there really isn't much to say.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> I am not sure I get it so please help me understand.
> 
> 
> Your wife had a PA with someone i.e. she slept with someone else five years ago.
> ...


OP read this and understand what we see and, I guess, what you do not.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

There are two situations my wife goes on trips without me. The first is I need to work. However is rare and also she always has the kids in tow. She never goes on fun trips with "the girls" or goes alone. The second is she goes on business trips, no explanation needed. I personally think taking separate vacations is generally a bad idea. If you are dong a bunch of tit for tat stuff, I think you have deeper problems with your marriage. You already said she had an EA. IMO you shouldn't put up with her doing this and you shouldn't be doing it yourself..... but it's your marriage.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

The new and more detailed information that you provided has really changed the dynamics of your story.

It seems like your wife has always been a cheater type and you seem to know about it.

Not sure why you are staying with her as there seems to be no outstanding reason to do so (unless I totally missed it which is entirely possible).

Anyway, hope you decide to do what is right for you as unfortunately your marriage seems like it was gone awhile ago.

Good luck.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

AlbinoLion said:


> My apologies, still getting used to the acroynms here. It was a PA not an EA, it occurred almost five years ago. There was never any remorse shown for it, even during counseling. In fact just last year she admitted that she was still seeing the OP while we were in counseling.
> 
> I demanded that she have her social media and phone opened, but those demands were met by more secrecy. Although she's unaware, I have access to her cellphone, email and social media. I often find messages from ex BF from her distant past, and have secretly recorded her asking her girlfriends for advice on how she could hook up with one of them who traveled into the area and keep the whole thing quiet. We recently celebrated her mother's 60th birthday, one of the ex BF's joked about coming here for the party. My wife thought it funny enough to tell her mother about it.
> 
> ...


I stopped reading further after this posting. There is really no point in advising you, because she abusing you, with your full concent. The question I have for you is:”Why the **** are you still married to her?” Seriously! Where is your self respect? 

While you are studying the terms we use here, look up the term “Doormat”, because it applies here!


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I stopped reading at the point you monitor her and say she talked to ex-boyfriends. Now, while I would disagree, some would say whatever opposite sex friends are fine including exs. Nope, she had an affair so all male friends are off the table or the marriage is done.

Go get into counseling, I hope you have no kids and leave this woman. I say counseling because from your words, you've been eating a **** sandwich for 5 years and you need to find out why you did so willingly and with little hesitation.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I stopped reading at the point you monitor her and say she talked to ex-boyfriends. Now, while I would disagree, some would say whatever opposite sex friends are fine including exs. Nope, she had an affair so all male friends are off the table or the marriage is done.
> 
> Go get into counseling, I hope you have no kids and leave this woman. I say counseling because from your words, you've been eating a **** sandwich for 5 years and you need to find out why you did so willingly and with little hesitation.


Yep.

A travel companion is the least of his worries.


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