# Impotent husband, cheating wife



## Maggie121212 (Mar 30, 2014)

I am 49 years old.
My husband is 57.
We have been married for 12 years.
We have not had sexual intercourse in 2.5 years.

He is impotent. He can get it up, but when it's 'showtime' (time for penetration), it deflates. Every time.
I learned he was using Viagra when we were dating and didn't know that until after we were married. It stopped working.
We went to the dr. together to discuss the problem. We tried all that was suggested and and were told the only thing left to do was injections which isn't going to happen. Frankly, he was never that good in bed and asking any man to put a needle in his penis is asking too much. He got the testosterone shots and they proved to be useless. We gave up. He still 'plays with me' and masturbates which makes me feel like a cheap ***** because I was molested when I was 13 and that old man did the exact same thing to me. I just close my eyes and try to go somewhere else. Yes, I told hubby how it makes me feel so he doesn't do it as much, but still asks for it and I feel like I owe it to him... I am his wife, after all.

I love my husband. There is no doubt about that. He takes good care of me and we get along very well. I have always planned on growing old with him.

BUT...
I have also always been a very sexual person and I know I can't go the rest of my life sexless. I decided I had 3 choices: no sex ever for the rest of my life, leave him, or go behind his back.

I decided what he didn't know won't hurt either of us and have been having affairs (1 guy just one time and 1 guy ongoing, but not often). I have successfully keeping all emotions at bay. This is very, very difficult but I figured I was in control. I would only find men that were in similar situations. Easy fix, and it has been... until recently.

My ongoing FWB has crept into my head. There is no way this man is good for me. He's a good man, don't get me wrong, but I know I wouldn't be happy leaving my husband for him. He's fabulous in bed and we've been together about 3 times in the last year and a half. 

I should also mention that I don't have sex very often... just 3x in the whole of 2013 and I think about the same in 2012. Somehow though, it satisfies me until I can arrange it again.

I know it's horrible, but these men are nothing but warm bodies to me. They satisfy me and I leave. They are satisfied and seem content with the situation too.

What I am afraid of mostly is myself. Emotions taking over reason and me making a huge mistake of leaving my husband for him, or the next guy that gets to me. 

I KNOW the right thing is to stop it. Stop having sex. Never have sex again. Be the good wife. But that would just kill me and I don't even think that's possible. Life is short and I would not be happy.

So, new options

1. I can stay with my husband and live comfortably but miserably frustrated.

2. I can leave my husband and make a huge mistake.

My original plan of 'what he doesn't know won't hurt me or him' failed, or is failing, and I can't help but feel that one has to be off the table.

I should mention that, even though I have been cheating on him, he doesn't know... or chooses not to see. I have been very careful. I'm not sure if he would leave me if he found out. I really don't think so. But I don't want to find out because that would hurt both of us needlessly. He seems content in his life with me. I figured as long as he's happy and I'm getting my needs met, all is well. But that is just me doing the justifying-my-actions thing.

What I probably need to do is end it with the source of my emotional fears and tell FWB to lose my number. I can't even tell you how difficult that would be and it would hurt me, but I feel like I deserve that.


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