# She's gone



## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

I am sure that you all know my story by now, wife cheated twice in me in 12 years, got pregnant by another man in 2006. She is cheating now ( even though she will not admit it ) I caught her sexting, then 25 hours worth of phone calls in 1 month, then she put a security code on her phone and texts him through this game called words with friends because you cannot trace it. I am very successful in business and we have a lot of money in assets. I went ahead and switched most of the liquid into just my name because she is not thinking clearly ( in the affair fog right now ) she is not even being a good mother right now and I NEVER would have ever dreamed of saying that before to our 4 children. She is a stay at home mom that homeschools our 4 kids, goes out to lunch whenever she wants, gets manicures all the time etc... Now she is in an affair and she just doesnt give a rats you know what about anything else. So after she discovers that I have moved this money, she says that we need a divorce. I tell her to wait 30 days because I really need to gather my thoughts and not be a thermometer but rather a thermostat! I took a week and then told her that she is right that divorce is the logical decision. I then ask her when she is moving out? She is stunned! But goes out and rents a place, and tells me that we need some time apart to work on things. later that same day, she is texting this person and is not happy, she disapears for an hour and a half saying that she has to go to the pharmacy ( yeah right)! When she returns we put our 3 younger children to bed and then she looks at me and says that we dont need to work on things, but that we need a divorce. She gets pissed when I tell her that I will give her the divorce but she needs to stop listening to the guy on the other end of the texts, she states that there is "no guy" I just say "right" LOL. I again agree with her. This lady does not take a crap without careful planning it first, She is a control freak to the utmost value! This comes into play because I asked her what was her plan? She states " I dont know". I find this very confusing and not her at all! We talk it over and she just says that she needs to be away from me. That was last night and today she is gone and took my 4 kids. I am going to see them tomorrow, but man is it tough not to have them around! I did talk with her and told her that if she would agree to go that I would pay for counseling out of my own pocket because it may not save my sham of a marriage, but it would hopefully make her see how she is treating our children and help them out! She says that she didnt know if she would go, I then ask if she would at least try to open up, she responded that she didnt think she could. I really wish that she would get some help! To this day I still love her, BUT I do not believe that we can stay together after everything she has put me through ( multiple times ). She says that I always accuse her of cheating and the one thing that I do regret is not getting professional help from the 2006 affair because I really needed it! I can sit here and bash on her all night, but the bottom line is that I am done being a doormat! Logistics about the kids, and the divorce is the only thing that I can possibly talk to her about now.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You did the right thing. She had multiple affairs, child from OM yet shows no remorse. You deserve so much better then her.

As for moving the money, did you get advice from an accountant and an attorney? So you wont split them much in divorce?

Also if you are paying for her phone bill, cancel it. Cancel all of the access she has to money/funds.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

This is the only thing you could have done. I am floored that you could stay with her after getting pregnant with OM child.

Stay strong for the kids. Take care of yourself for the kids also.

Good luck.


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you! The reason that I moved the money is that she is not thinking clearly at all, I was afraid he would talk her into taking some or all of it before the seperation and divorce and then it would be gone. I am splitting it with her evenly. But I just had to be careful you know....


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Make sure to file the divorce first. You could even come up with a lesser settlement offer, you might catch her offguard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

She is actually being nice about the division of assets, such as the maritial home, and vehicles. I think she just wants it done that badly, and the fact that she has to feel somewhat guilty for crying out loud! What really sucks is this lady proclaimed to be a devout Christian!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

TINPHX said:


> Thank you! The reason that I moved the money is that she is not thinking clearly at all, I was afraid he would talk her into taking some or all of it before the seperation and divorce and then it would be gone. I am splitting it with her evenly. But I just had to be careful you know....


You could not trust her with your heart, why the hell would you trust her with money. You did nothing wrong. 

Cancel all joint credit cards immediately so she doesn't run up a bill on you.

One thing most people overlook - change your will if you have one. If you don't have one, see an attorney and make one now (trust for the kids that she can not touch).

Hang in there.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Make sure she walks away with least amount of asset.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Stay strong for the kids. One thing that has happened to other men on TAM is that wives such as yours take the kids, then pretty soon they fall back into their long lunches, hour-long pharmacy trips and manicures. So could you just take the kids for today? etc. And pretty soon even a 50/50 custody split is 80/20.

You need to make sure your lawyer is protecting your custody rights to the max.

You also need to shore up your own support because taking care of 4 kids is tough on anyone. So surround yourself with family if you have it, start finding trusted babysitters so you can get an hour break now and then.

One serious issue I see is that the kids should likely go back to school because she is not going to be able to homeschool them. Frankly, that has likely gone out the window for some time. But she will almost surely resist this. That is the most serious issue I see in all of it.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

You need to call your attorney TODAY. When my WS left me I was still in denial but a few friends convinced me to go to my lawyer immediately. Best decision I ever made.

At the very least get a marital separation agreement drawn up like I did. I had my WS waive all of my assets - and like yours he was willing to sign off on anything to get it over and done with. Work that fog to your advantage.

You need to push for 50/50 custody in your MSA and don't back down. Make her a** sign it. I wouldn't give mine a penny until his John Han**** was on that piece of paper. And he was So hard up for cash he signed it to get his settlement.

From what I understand what is laid out in the MSA almost always transfers right over to the divorce hearing. So don't wuss out. Push for 50/50 with the kids and give her as little settlement as possible. You can also define in the MSA that this is due to adultery and she waives all right to marital support and alimony.

It's time to Cowboy up and let her face the music. The MSA will at least protect you during this stage of limbo while you decide if the big D is the best choice. 

Call TODAY! Get it moving.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

And the MSA will let her know you aren't playing games this time.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé her to her nice christian friends 

Next woman go for a atheist. I honestly think they have better morals than good Christian women many times. Have you ever heard of an athiiest cheating?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

TINPHX said:


> She is actually being nice about the division of assets, such as the maritial home, and vehicles. I think she just wants it done that badly, and the fact that she has to feel somewhat guilty for crying out loud! What really sucks is this lady proclaimed to be a devout Christian!


It's amazing when you cheaters using the christian faith in their affairs. They misinterpret God's forgiveness as a free pass to commit adultery and actually pray to God to support their adulterous love.

Reading my own WWs messages and emails to the OM proves this to me. Her messages were chock full of prayers for the OM's health and healing, prayers that they will be together again, asking the Lord to reunite them, saying there's a reason they reconnected after so many years that it must be God's will, to have faith in him that he will bring them together once more. Absolutely freaking sickening. 

I'm like helloooooo...God doesn't approve of adultery. It's against the 10 commandments for a reason. They miss the entire message of Christianity. Forgiveness is always there, but you have to accept it by repenting and sinning no more. NOT commit more sin.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Exposé her to her nice christian friends
> 
> Next woman go for a atheist. I honestly think they have better morals than good Christian women many times.* Have you ever heard of an athiiest cheating?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


my wife

cut the anti-religious crap

(coming from an athiest)


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

My husband was an atheist. So I agree with Almost. And the OW he ran off with is an atheist.


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

Update: As you all know, she left yesterday. I took my 13 year old daughter out on a Daddy daughter date as I like to do that once a month so she knows how a young lady is to be treated when she starts dating. When I brought her to her Moms new home last night there were 5 cars there, she was having a party. Now since my wife is a stay at home Mom (right now) and homeschools all 4 of our kids, my kids tell me that she did a "really quick" school session today, gave my 16 year old son money to bring the other 3 out to lunch while she "ran errands". I am really getting the feeling that my wife is having an affair with a married man. My wife was fine being married to me while seeing and sleeping with this guy for a few months, now that she is out on her own, she still feels the need to "sneak", all of this while she could very easily have waited a few hours until the kids were over here with me for the night. Makes me think that she cannot see him tonight for one reason or another. Not really trying to get into her head, but man she is really screwed up lately, she used to be the absolute without a doubt best Mother that I could ever imagine! Now she is moody to the kids, does not do enough with them school wise, nor wants to really spend time with them when there are "other options". This is just beyond mind boggling! Someone please wake me! I just hope that she doesnt wake up before the divorce can be finalized and I can protect my house. I know there is no turning back now!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Why are you still having you kids be schooled by her? She's a selfish, evil cheater, what can she actually teach?

Since she is still in fantasy, push for a quick settlement and get it over with fast. Once she starts getting more advice from her "friends" she'll be asking a whole lot more.


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

One last thing, she text me 29 times today for one reason or another, nothing earth shattering that couldnt have waited. Like she text me to make sure that my kids were here, when she has ALWAYS text my 16 year old son to see when he has made it to his destination. I always replied with very short answers, like "k" or "yep". What is she doing? Trying to keep me sucked in?


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

There is only a month left of school, I cant enroll them now, this coming year they will be in school!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If you have a lot to lose financially, keep her happy/fulfilled until she agrees to a settlement and divorce finalizes.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes she want the security and stability you offer while shes off screwing around. She compartalmantalizes her behavior. What I mean is she still has a use for you and then also her 2nd life of parties and sex.

Keep your distance and when the D if final go dark, find a mediator that will act as ago between with the kids.

Its a balancing act now but when the time comes you will beable to move on with out her.

Do what you can to move the D on ASAP.

Have you done any research on finding the OM, it sound to me like he has a big influence on her and the sooner you get OM out of her life the better off your kids will be.

Often when you expose the affair to the OMW it will break up the affair. It will also piss off your wife, but at this point, whats it matter?


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

I just cannot get away from her. She texts me for random reasons. Sends emails that say stuff like "will you pay the bill for my car insurance until we are divorced and take it out of what you are giving me monthly"? She just wont let go even though she has moved out and is telling the kids that Mommy and Daddy will not be together anymore. I gave her divorce papers today, then I took my kids to a friends birthday part, and guess who showed up? She said she was only staying for a few minutes but ended up being 2 and a half hours. I would catch her looking at me, I would just turn away. She smiled at me a few times, then when she dropped my son back at my house, she looked deep at me. I turned away because I dont want to give her the wrong idea, I love the woman I married so very much! But what she has become is disturbing to say the least, cheating, lying, and disrespectful are just to name a few. I hope that I can stay strong and follow through with the divorce because I deserve better!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Looks like she's slowly realizing her life after D will be much worse off.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

TINPHX said:


> I just cannot get away from her. She texts me for random reasons. Sends emails that say stuff like "will you pay the bill for my car insurance until we are divorced and take it out of what you are giving me monthly"? She just wont let go even though she has moved out and is telling the kids that Mommy and Daddy will not be together anymore. I gave her divorce papers today, then I took my kids to a friends birthday part, and guess who showed up? She said she was only staying for a few minutes but ended up being 2 and a half hours. I would catch her looking at me, I would just turn away. She smiled at me a few times, then when she dropped my son back at my house, she looked deep at me. I turned away because I dont want to give her the wrong idea, I love the woman I married so very much! But what she has become is disturbing to say the least, cheating, lying, and disrespectful are just to name a few. I hope that I can stay strong and follow through with the divorce because I deserve better!


She is beginning to get hit with little doses of reality. She is beginning to realize that her life after divorce is not looking all that appealing. She is possibly trying to gauge your reaction to her with an eye toward possibly coming back home to the good life of a cheating stay at home Mom that she had before. All this is totally selfish. Do not be fooled. She is not thinking about you or the kids - only herself. She may even get on her hands and knees to apologize and beg for another chance but you already know that it would be an act and you can never trust her again.

Call the lawyer and tell him to do whatever he can to fast track the divorce.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ummm wait.. Did you say you are currently giving her money every month? Why are you financing her lifestyle?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

You say she squirted out some other guy's child six years ago? What did she do with that child? Did she put it up for adoption, or leave it on a park bench? Or did she leave it up to you to financially support it?
And, you keep implying that you "love her". What is it that you love about her??


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

hookares said:


> You say she squirted out some other guy's child six years ago? What did she do with that child? Did she put it up for adoption, or leave it on a park bench? Or did she leave it up to you to financially support it?
> And, you keep implying that you "love her". What is it that you love about her??


I'm bemused by this also.


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## TINPHX (Apr 16, 2012)

First off, when the wife got pregnant back in 2006 she aborted it. 

My wife moved out on Monday to be "free" and still will not admit the affair that she is in. We have agreed however to be very amicable towards one another for the kids.

Now I am very confused by her actions, I am trying not to get into her head, but I cant help myself, LOL. I know what I must do, but she is throwing me all kinds of curve balls and I am not sure why. She has sent me more texts this week than the past 3 months combined I think. Then my boys had a cub scout pack meeting on Thursday night, she text me and asked me if it was ok if she went? I said "I didnt care at all", she shows up and makes a point to come up to me twice, first to tell me about some stupid movie she rented for the kids, then to tell me she was leaving. Now yesterday, she dropped the kids off at my house as she said that they wanted to come over early, when she dropped them off I gave her a preliminary divorce agreement that I had drawn up on the Maricopa County Family Law website (as we have agreed to try to do this without attorneys) But she wont even acknowledge them... Some good friends of ours were having a birthday party for 2 of their boys, I had the kids so I took them, she had made a comment earlier in the day that she was going to "stop by", while on my way there she texts me asking me if I want her to pick up an iced tea from McDonalds? Then she gets to the party and sits down right next to me ( mind you she is not wearing her wedding ring ), I then move across the table, I catch her a few times looking at me, once she was smiling at me. So she stays for the entire party, one of my kids got a bloody lip and he wanted Mom like every little boy does when they get hurt, so Mom says she will take him out for ice cream and then drop him off at my house. When she drops him off, she then says goodbye to the boys, gives them a hug and says "see you later" too me. I just turn around and walk towards the door, out of the corner of my eye I can see her looking at me, I turn around and she smiles, I then just give a half assed smile back and go inside as she drives off. 

I am very curious to say the least if she is just happy that she is free and wants to be my "friend". Or is she slowly starting to regret the decisions that she made? I guess either way it doesnt matter as I cant submit myself to that pain anymore.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's a psycho who is messing with you. Divorce her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Any googly eyes she is making at you without:

--coming clean on the fact that she is cheating on you as we speak and publicly breaking off the affair

--showing zero, well maybe it's even lower than that, remorse,



is just her messing with your mind so you will give her more money.

I'm sorry to be so cold.

I'm beyond proud of you for staying so strong for the sake of your kids. They deserve a better person for a mom than the one that they got.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just ignore most of her texts and her antics. Do not try to figure out what is going on in her head. Instead know what is in your head and your heart. Act according to your own head/heart. 

This is the time for a very strong 180 for you.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Honesty is the best policy. Ask her why she is texting you so much. Unless you just want the contact and to see where it leads.

When she sits by you or something else like that, ask her if she is trying to be your friend. If she says yes or most anything else, tell her she is just someone you used to know, get up, and move away.

She's trying to have you on the side and have a single life with other men.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She's trying to be nicey wifey all of a sudden hoping you'll eventually cave and rug sweep this affair too. I think she was bluffing in agreeing with the divorce and is thoroughly shocked that you're going through with it. Shows how much respect she has for you.....


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