# Separated 4 months...



## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

It is difficult to summarize, but I asked my husband of 5 years to give me a "break" since he was being emotionally abusive and oppressive. He has OCD and very strong narcissistic tendencies. From the beginning, I have felt that his love was performance based and am having a difficult time with his belief that my role as a wife is to, "make him comfortable". He has been threatening to leave me and end the marriage for several years because he told me that he is not happy with my cleaning, meals, or quantity of sex I give him.
My counselor states that am co-dependent which I now believe is true. We have been receiving counseling for 4 months, but my husband continues to be blind to his issues and believes what he wants is just normal. Any advice is appreciated!


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

Has your counselor spoken about his thoughts that keeping you as a servant was going to kill your marriage? It sounds like that is your marriage deal breaker but he refuses to acknowledge it.

Have you thought of just staying somewhere for a few weeks so he can see how hard it is to keep up with cooking and cleaning can be? I never truly appreciated what my wife does for me until she threatened to leave and stopped actively doing things around our home, forcing me to do everything that I had taken for granted.


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## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

Thank you for replying. Well, he has OCD and is a cleaner, so his problem with me is that I don't clean to his standards. Yes, the counselor has warned him that he is being oppressive, but right in the middle of the counselor's explanation, my husband asked for a wet cloth so he could wipe off a spot on the hassock that was bothering him! He thinks his standards are normal. He told me that he gets 'nervous' if there is any clutter at all and it is my job to 'make him comfortable'.


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

The if he wants to stay married he needs to get treatment for his OCD. If he indeed loves you he will. Regular cleaning and maintenance of a home is one thing, OCD level upkeep has to be next to impossible.

He is going to have to realize he has an issue and you will never be able to live up to that standard.


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## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

Unfortunately, his first wife did because she had OCD tendencies also. He compares me with her. 
Everything is about him and how it impacts him. I am not sure he knows how to love. I have never felt emotionally attached after I realized the hard way what he really values.
He is not benefiting from counseling and just feeling hopeless today. He has been gone four months and we are right where we started. 
Thank you.


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

Ah so you two already live apart or separated in the same house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## betysue (Nov 30, 2013)

We are in separate dwellings. He was angry so often, yelling, calling me names and such that I asked him to go for a while.


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