# Greetings



## Long Road (7 mo ago)

1st post here, little rundown I would guess is in order. (Male) Married twice, divorced twice. 
Some research has divorce rates pushing 50%. I hope people find a way to make it work. In some ways I have totally given up on the idea.

I know why mine came to and end and it is directly tied into interactions tied into sex. In my 1st marriage I was always the one to start and ask for, she never did. So I though, just when would she ask or intercourse. I stopped asking or making any action that would start us to sex. A week went by nothing, I though for sure this would be a red flag and she would bring it up, nope. A month, nothing. 2 months nothing. 7 weeks finally, and she banged it out like we were teenagers. I knew it was over before the 7 week mark, I just waited to see how long before she thought it was needed.
2nt marriage her idea of a happy sex life was just to lay there with out any interaction, though frequent and at first I was ok with it in time I wanted more. When I asked about it, she did not care to have intercourse, but it was her duty as a wife to do so. Duty. That was a weight I just could not get over, and it left a lasting scar. 
Though I did not file for divorce, I can say I directly made it the only way.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Long Road said:


> 1st post here, little rundown I would guess is in order. (Male) Married twice, divorced twice.
> Some research has divorce rates pushing 50%. I hope people find a way to make it work. In some ways I have totally given up on the idea.
> 
> I know why mine came to and end and it is directly tied into interactions tied into sex. In my 1st marriage I was always the one to start and ask for, she never did. So I though, just when would she ask or intercourse. I stopped asking or making any action that would start us to sex. A week went by nothing, I though for sure this would be a red flag and she would bring it up, nope. A month, nothing. 2 months nothing. 7 weeks finally, and she banged it out like we were teenagers. I knew it was over before the 7 week mark, I just waited to see how long before she thought it was needed.
> ...


Welcome to TAM! Interesting story you posted. I'm sure there's tons of details left out but one question jumps out at me.

Did you not know these things before you married these women? Or was there some deception involved?

And what's this bit about “made it the only way”? You did stuff to make them leave you? That sounds manipulative...am I wrong?


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## Long Road (7 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM! Interesting story you posted. I'm sure there's tons of details left out but one question jumps out at me.
> 
> Did you not know these things before you married these women? Or was there some deception involved?
> 
> And what's this bit about “made it the only way”? You did stuff to make them leave you? That sounds manipulative...am I wrong?





BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM! Interesting story you posted. I'm sure there's tons of details left out but one question jumps out at me.
> 
> Did you not know these things before you married these women? Or was there some deception involved?
> 
> And what's this bit about “made it the only way”? You did stuff to make them leave you? That sounds manipulative...am I wrong?


Funny thing after some long term thinking about the situations, I think it was me that was manipulated by both. The only thing I did was on the first move, which I could have handled better. On the 2nt, changed to the night shift and had little interaction time. 
As far as before marriage, no and this is where I feel it was me that was manipulated. Interactions were vastly different before and after.


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## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

Welcome to TAM. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My first wife was much like yours - never interested in sex and rarely initiated. Before marriage, sex was great, but once I said "I do" she mostly said "I don't" want to; yes, a true bait and switch. I eventually (after far too many years) divorced her and quickly moved on. I was not going to make a similar mistake again, so I did my reading and research. I looked at my wants, needs, behaviors, and attitudes, and very deliberately looked for a woman who was my sexual match as well as a great match in everything that was important to me. 

As a result, my second marriage is about as ideal as I could wish. In the early years, we'd have sex twice a day. Over time, it has slowed down so that after 22 years we "only" have sex at least 4x a week. She often initiates; we still change things up and try new things occasionally. So to address your concern, yes, it IS possible to have a great marriage with a great sexual partner, and marriage can be great and worth pursuing. You may have to go on a lot of dates, and pass on many otherwise great women to find one who is all the important things - and then, don't rush to marry her, as only time can verify that things will continue as they were at first.


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## Long Road (7 mo ago)

jenny_1 said:


> Welcome to TAM. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.


Answers, interesting. After joining the forum I took the time to read a lot of posts. It turns out while mine was bad I had it somewhat good next to most who's wives just went totally blank. 
It might be interesting to run some polls, to see what turns up.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Long Road said:


> 1st post here, little rundown I would guess is in order. (Male) Married twice, divorced twice.
> Some research has divorce rates pushing 50%. I hope people find a way to make it work. In some ways I have totally given up on the idea.
> 
> I know why mine came to and end and it is directly tied into interactions tied into sex. In my 1st marriage I was always the one to start and ask for, she never did. So I though, just when would she ask or intercourse. I stopped asking or making any action that would start us to sex. A week went by nothing, I though for sure this would be a red flag and she would bring it up, nope. A month, nothing. 2 months nothing. 7 weeks finally, and she banged it out like we were teenagers. I knew it was over before the 7 week mark, I just waited to see how long before she thought it was needed.
> ...


Welcome to TAM!


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