# Side Effects of infidelity - weight loss



## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

I recall reading a side note in a thread on here about weight loss when discovering infidelity and wanted to open a thread about this topic. I experienced the same about a month ago when I discovered my wife's online affair. 

I don't know how much weight I've lost since finding out, but it's significant. I've had a weight problem for most of my life and it's a factor, for sure, in my low self-esteem and ultimately, in the state of my marriage. Prior to discovering the affair, our marriage had been in terrible shape and she'd called for a break. I responded by eating more. Since discovering the affair my appetite took a dive, my weight has dropped a great deal, I've begun to address other problem areas of my life, and my self image is on the rebound. Taking the kids to the pool the other day I realized that, for the first time in years, I wasn't really self conscious about my image with my shirt off. Oh, I'm still significantly overweight, but I can see the difference. It's a little confusing to find this kind of positive response in myself to something so negative in my life. 

So I wonder if others have had this kind of response to discovering an affair, and if this is a genuine kickstart to something or a temporary phase. I do hope that permanent changes in my habits result from this. So far my appetite has stabilized at what I'd call a normal level for a human male, and I'm seeking out exercise in ways I wouldn't have allowed myself to do a few months ago. There's plenty of pain in my marriage, but as for myself, I'm happier with myself than I have been in at least a few years.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Yes..I found it is a great way to diet.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

I wouldn't' say that it's a great way to diet ;-) but I lost over 20lbs in a month after my H's affair and I've managed to keep it off. But part of that is because I've changed parts of lifestyle in the process. I've been exercising more and making smarter choices when eating.


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## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

That has been the only good things about this whole situation. I have no appetite and have to remind myself to eat a little something. I have also discovered that walking helps me clear my mind and numb some of the pain. Any time I start to feel intense i walk a mile. I have lost 9lbs in the past two weeks.


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## stuckinpast (Jun 26, 2010)

I completly agree since I found out about my H's sneaky stuff I too have lost weight. Just going through all this has changed me as a person in a good way.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Beats Jenny Craig


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Yes I also lost about 30lbs since Jan 2010. I have to remind myself that I have to eat. My sleep pattern is basically non existent. I have been taking care of a now 19 mts old baby all by myself day/night since Jan 8 when my husband decided he was going to move to the basement. Just about a week ago he started sleeping in sons room so I can get some sleep as he says.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

Wow, sleep is another matter. I haven't slept in our bedroom since she asked for the break. She's moved to the attic bedroom, and I'm often in the double bed in the 5-yr-old's room. Tonight I'm away, but my plan for tomorrow is to make the big step and sleep by myself in the "marital bed". I'm a little surprised at how long its taken me to get this far.

And I do have a terrible time sleeping. I can get in 2-3 hours some nights, then I'm awake stewing or something or tiny snoozes for the rest of the night. Sometimes I put the 5 yr old to bed at 8:30 and fall asleep then, and then I'm wide awake at 1 and all screwed up for the next day.

It doesn't help that she's on her game/private chat from 11-whenever each night.


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## Confused.One (Apr 2, 2010)

Yeah, in a "funny" way this whole affair thing has actually helped me tremendously with my weight as well. Over time I had went from a relatively muscular guy to a guy who barely worked out and was looking at getting jeans with a 38" waist to support my 230 lb frame. Now, I am 190 lb, the 32" jeans I bought are still too big and I have a ton of energy as I work out Monday to Friday. I feel like a new me! I can see veins in my arms that I haven't seen in years.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

I am in the best shape I have been in 30 years. Should we patent this as a diet plan?


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## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

iamnottheonlyone
lol:lol:

I am not sure if it is worth the weight loss, I will let you know as soon as I scrape my heart of the floor.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

The average heart does weigh 7 pounds, so you gott count that


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## zumama (Jun 27, 2010)

I have lost 6 lbs in a week. I contribute it to the steady coffee and cigarett diet(havent smoked in over 15 years) that has been my life since learning of my husbands affairs a week ago. I need to be careful though cuz next he will be saying he did me a favor.


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## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

I wished I had that problrm..I have gained since finding out when i am sad I eat..


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

In my case my wife had been losing weight for several months too - a sure sign of a wandering spouse, no? If we manage to work it out we should each have a better self-image - physically at least. Emotionally we're still in pieces.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Well my weight post war was 120 my after was 100 pnds I couldnt LOSe I looked SICK. but NOW I am almost 130 pnds. I think thats more from drinking though but its permanant.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Well if you end up divorced at least you will look good! That's what a friend of mine told me. And don't forget to continue to pamper yourself. I now go for more regular facials, body treatments, massages etc.


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

I don't think I'm quite ready to prepare consolations for myself if the marriage does fail. I still have hope, and a lot of faith in my wife, to stick with it.


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

I say it's Mother Nature's looking out for us.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Oh don't we all hold hope. It not done until the ink dries on the paper.


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I lost a significant amount of weight over the last 2 months. Now at 40lbs. Understanding diet, I was able to take advantage so as to drop more body fat than muscle. You don't want to lose muscle. There are plenty of good protein drinks out there. A couple of good meal replacement drinks (I only trust 1 company) and once I've had that, it's all healthy grains, fats. On an 'up' day I might find myself having a sandwich from Subway or something but end up sitting on the toilet. I'm fine without all the stuff I used to eat...at least now. I hope this is a permanent trend for me. Everyone I work with (Who doesn't know what I'm going through) makes comments on a week to week basis.

Keep your protein and healthy fats a bit high, the rest can stay low and you'll be fine. Get yourself a multi-vit and some fish oil capsules and you're good to go. Having breakfast lunch and dinner has never been easier. You don't want to stick to just the drinks, you need to get something solid in your stomach so it doesn't go weak on you.

In case anyone wants to know:
You should be eating 1-1.5 grams of protein per lbs of lean body mass (Your muscle mass). You can guesstimate if you don't know how to check.
You should eat 0.5 grams of healthy fats per lbs of body weight (Optimal body weight)
If you're calorie counting, you can fill the rest of whatever your daily intake to maintain your weight (Or drop it) with healthy carbs.
If you just eat carbs and nothing else, you will lose muscle and not fat (For the most part) and while that equals weight loss, it doesn't equal healthy weight loss. In the end you will drop both muscle and fat, the idea is to drop more fat than muscle.

PM me if you want anything specific.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Losing weight is one thing, but I think I may be losing more hair!!


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

don't worry there is hair transplant surgery always, as long as you don't lose your health. I am taking every day Omega 3 and Vitamin B complex. It helps me relax. I had a cousin who went through a terrible divorce and few years later she died of leukemia at the age of 32. I think it was all stress related.


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

Wow! 40 pounds is a lot of weight to drop that quickly! I think I'm in the neighborhood of 15 lb in the last month, 20 on the outside, but it's not going to go so quickly in month 2. My attitude is less fatalistic now, my appettie has risen to a healthy level, and frankly, I'm getting back to enjoying food. 

I've never been one to count calories or cencern myself with protein intake, but I suppose I should look at that. After an initial week of eating little or at least little of value, I managed to move back towards normal foods at a smaller dose. Having the kids helps this - I need to feed them fruits and vegetables as well as meats and grains. It helps that it's summer and we have a CSA share - its value is even higher this year. So we're getting lots of leafy green vegetables that do us good each week. I'm eating salads when I can, less junk food overall. The only downside is that I work in the field a lot, and I'm not usually too hungry around lunchtime, so I tend to grab junk food or a hot dog or something from the local quickEmart on my way by. Breakfast and dinner I'm doing fine and my late night snacking is virtually gone.

I do wonder if I'll lose muscle mass, but happily I've had an increased desire to exercise since the affair too. 



synonimous_anonymous said:


> I lost a significant amount of weight over the last 2 months. Now at 40lbs. Understanding diet, I was able to take advantage so as to drop more body fat than muscle. You don't want to lose muscle. There are plenty of good protein drinks out there. A couple of good meal replacement drinks (I only trust 1 company) and once I've had that, it's all healthy grains, fats. On an 'up' day I might find myself having a sandwich from Subway or something but end up sitting on the toilet. I'm fine without all the stuff I used to eat...at least now. I hope this is a permanent trend for me. Everyone I work with (Who doesn't know what I'm going through) makes comments on a week to week basis.
> 
> Keep your protein and healthy fats a bit high, the rest can stay low and you'll be fine. Get yourself a multi-vit and some fish oil capsules and you're good to go. Having breakfast lunch and dinner has never been easier. You don't want to stick to just the drinks, you need to get something solid in your stomach so it doesn't go weak on you.
> 
> ...


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## marga88 (Jun 17, 2010)

Well actually mine was not infidelity since we were not married yet, but it seems like almost the same, I also lose weight when I had it. It seems like you don't like to eat and move and sleep anymore. All was like uphills to get through it.


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## Bellz (Jun 8, 2010)

I lost 10 pounds within a month, that's the good part coz he always say I'm fat. But the worst part is being sick and having sleepless night all the time. It's made worst that he still insist that we sleep together instead of separate rooms. That's the part that made me sleepless.


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

If you start eating a normal breakfast, lunch and dinner, you will find the desire to sleep at normal hours. Your body doesn't work on a 24 hour clock, the 24 hour clock is a Christian thing tied into the year. Late night snacking isn't an issue unless you get stomach pains or nightmares from it. Your body is amazing at dealing with the food it takes in, not matter the hour. But the hormones you release depending on what time you eat will play a role on sleep time depending on the person.

Protein is the building block to muscle. If you don't take in enough protein you won't get enough to keep your muscle mass and your body will begin to eat away at the muscle for energy. At a certain point your body will figure itself out 'how much muscle do I need to keep to continue a usual active life' in which case your body will know how much of your muscle to consume to the calories of fat and cabs you consume. Taking in enough protein spares the muscle and you can hold onto it while your body eats away at the fat. A perfect diet will have you holding on to all of your muscle while riding your body of fat. This takes a lot of effort and proper nutrient timing, not easy with infidelity on your mind and kids, if you have them. BUT if you Google PSMF (Protein sparing muscle fast) you will learn how to control the amount of healthy weight to loss compared to the unhealthy weight. In the end, you will lose a lot of fat and keep the healthy body mass. Because it's really a fast, you will lose a lot of fat in a short period of time (Much like I have). You will gain a certain amount of physical confidence back which may help in the healing process. I've had many people compliment me on my weight loss and asking me how far I plan on moving down the scale. Everyone is surprised. 

My wife sees me everyday so she doesn't see the changes in the large amounts that friends and co-workers do. When I mention this she always seems to point to certain fashion sites on the web that she wishes she could buy from for me. This makes me feel like she's slowly gaining a physical 'desire' for me. 

Like I said, male or female, if you are interested in diet that may take advantage of your loss of appetite, then send me a PM and I will help out with diet and routine. It is almost always the same with men and women. While not the optimal way to lose weight, it certainly is a time when weight loss will happen, why not take advantage of it. The trick is keeping to it to better yourself.


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## betrayedhusband (Apr 17, 2010)

During the first 10 weeks after discovery of my wife's infidelity I lost 45 lbs. Best thing that ever happened....I was type II diabetic....not anymore.

:>


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## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

Yup, when I started to get suspicious of my wife's activites, I couldn't eat and keep down anything. 4 weeks later, things are returning to normal. I am only 23 and active, so I don't think I lost more than 5-10 lbs. Now I'm getting back in the gym and running more. I think this is a great opportunity to get some lean mass  It seems cliche here, but its true, when you first find out, you never think you'll be happy again. But after time, things do start to look up whether you think the relationship will ultimately work or not.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Reaching way back. Found this in a google search that took me right back to TAM. This is a serious concern for me and one of the objectively verifiable data points that brought me to the awakening that my wife was having an affair. I'm 6ft, athletic, and an athlete. Pre-D-day weight, about 170. I'm pretty lean and engage pretty recklessly for a 44 year old guy in a number of high impact dynamic sports and activities. Today I am 150. Initial D-day was March 29, 2012. I went from 170 to 155-160 pretty fast. I can't finish a meal. I lost interest in eating, along with a lot of other things. A few times a day, I'll sense a gnawing pain in my abdomen, but I don't recognize it and it's so much less pressing than all the other pain that it has to take a number and wait it's turn. Starting about 6 days ago a lot more and categorically different awfulness began to present. 5 lbs in the past week. It's hell and I think a hazard. I think this is an important topic.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

I'm with mrsbroken. I had actually been losing weight before the A and I lost 12 pounds the first week from throwing up. After I could keep it down I ate all of the time. In the year and a half since I regained 35 pounds I really don't need, especially since I'm really over weight to begin with. I've recognized it and I'm working on it again.


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

38 pounds gone since last September. Coworkers and friends kept commenting about it but I just thought they were trying to cheer me up. I never touched a scale until a few weeks ago and WOW. I went out and bought new clothes one weekend. Im in a size I haven't seen since high school. I feel and look much better physically, but I don't doubt that this ordeal has taken years off my life.


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## jay80_98 (Jul 14, 2012)

Rob, why are u still married to her? Did she carry on a physical affair? What are u holding on to


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

DDay I lost 10 pounds. Yeah not so much now I think I gained it all back now.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

Stress. Best diet


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Its called The Infidelity Diet. It Sucks but it works


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Great plan for losing weight, but I can't recommend it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I can attest that I have not gained any discernible weight to speak of, in fact, probably having dropped a few pounds.

STBXW, conversely, appears to have dropped a little bit of weight herself, probably due to having lined herself up with a pair of "whoopie partners" since my moveout last year. Oh, well!


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Best diet ever I lost 27 pounds within 4 months of d day. 3 dress sizes, 4 years later I kept it off. Sad way to lose weight, but wow some small good I got out of it!


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## GotMeWonderingNow (May 31, 2012)

I didn't read through the whole thread since I am short on time, but to answer the OP question. Absolutely yes. I lost about 8 lbs in no time and used that as a kick start to get myself in better shape. Ironically, however, the last 3 weeks or so I cannot lost a single lb. I am in limbo. That said I am x-training and using weights. My WS keeps telling me how much she is noticing my physical transition. The question is whether she will be the one to benefit long term or not...


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I'm glad it's working out for all of you. I'm thinking I may need medical intervention.


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

Same here have lost 10lbs in 2 months of our Separation, then another 5lbs upon moving into a duplex with my kids. Even my eating habits of changed completely we take 45 minute walks everyday or play fitness/dancing games on Xbox Kinect. I've gained a large amount of weight since I've been married to my H, also getting my career back in track returning to school again. So in a strange way all this as been a bliss is disguise. Tho I do have my days with the roller coaster of emotions but it does get a little easier as the days go by.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, when my husband left me last summer for 3 months, I lost about 20 pounds in a month. Loved it. I've gained back 15...boo. Oh well, I'm good.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I lost weight too and didn't really have weight to lose so I ended up looking sickly. I've gained 8lbs back though. The other 10lbs are fine off though since I have one of those few jobs in which being skinny is a benefit (no, not porn  )


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

I lost around 20 pounds in a month after finding wife's EA. She was jealous and mad at me for showing off and making her look bad.


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## sayjellybeans (Jun 25, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> I'm glad it's working out for all of you. I'm thinking I may need medical intervention.


MAKE AN APPOINTMENT HB!

I lost 7 lbs after dday (my EA, mid September). Gained it back, plus a couple. Several months later (about 5 weeks ago), true remorse kicked me in the stomach and I've lost 15 lbs. 
I'd probably lose more if it weren't for the wine and vodka. 
I guess I like being skinnier than I was pre-babies, but I'd trade it in a second to take away the pain I've caused in this house.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Yeah, I lost heaps of weight quickly when my hubby left. But then he came back & so did the weight....
Now I just have to figure out how to lose the weight while keeping the husband...


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

sayjellybeans said:


> I'd probably lose more if it weren't for the wine and *vodka*.



God do I hear _that!!!_

For me, I was about 30 pounds waaayyy overweight. I'm more muscular than lean, but at 5'10" and 228 you could see more fat than muscle. Thanks to the A diet, I lost over 20 pounds (just had to say it that way - sounds like an info-mercial). Seriously, though I needed to lose weight but just not this way. 

After a month of not eating, I decided to get back into the gym since I could actually see below my belt and had a bit of inspiration/motivation. At the beginning of working out I was 203, the lightest I had been in a few years. Now, 2 months after hitting the gym and then on off days working out with a heavy bag in my garage, I'm at 206. A lot of fat is gone and has been replaced by solid gains.

I don't recommend this diet to anyone at any time. BUT...if you find yourself on this crash diet, make sure you recognize that it CAN hurt you. Drink water. Lots and lots of it. Eat good protein if you can - I know it's hard to eat sometimes, but you have to do it. If you've been overweight and wanted to lose it...well, now is your chance. Don't wallow in the crap that's been thrown in your lap. Instead, empower yourself. You'll feel better working out your hurt, anger and all the other emotions by exercising.

(cue Tony Robbins info-mercial next)


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My sister lost about 30 pounds due to her divorce. I told her she looked great as she had never lost her pregnancy weight.

She started dating a toyboy, 10 years younger, but later on admitted to me that "he went though change" (her expression) when she regained the weight. they broke up a couple of months later.

I would she would lose that weight permanently, she would probably have a larger audience to draw from.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Robrobb said:


> I recall reading a side note in a thread on here about weight loss when discovering infidelity and wanted to open a thread about this topic. I experienced the same about a month ago when I discovered my wife's online affair.
> 
> I don't know how much weight I've lost since finding out, but it's significant. I've had a weight problem for most of my life and it's a factor, for sure, in my low self-esteem and ultimately, in the state of my marriage. Prior to discovering the affair, our marriage had been in terrible shape and she'd called for a break. I responded by eating more. Since discovering the affair my appetite took a dive, my weight has dropped a great deal, I've begun to address other problem areas of my life, and my self image is on the rebound. Taking the kids to the pool the other day I realized that, for the first time in years, I wasn't really self conscious about my image with my shirt off. Oh, I'm still significantly overweight, but I can see the difference. It's a little confusing to find this kind of positive response in myself to something so negative in my life.
> 
> So I wonder if others have had this kind of response to discovering an affair, and if this is a genuine kickstart to something or a temporary phase. I do hope that permanent changes in my habits result from this. So far my appetite has stabilized at what I'd call a normal level for a human male, and I'm seeking out exercise in ways I wouldn't have allowed myself to do a few months ago. There's plenty of pain in my marriage, but as for myself, I'm happier with myself than I have been in at least a few years.



I work as a freelance fitness instructor for a free heath club membership to an expensive health club, and I was already slim.

But after being blindsided by my STBEH's affair, I became scrawny. So scrawny people were commenting on it and seemed concerned I was too thin. 

My weight went back to normal once I adjusted to my new reality. 

Your weight will normalize again, so be careful about eating too much and try to work out. 

Working out is a great way to stay sane. It releases feel good endorphins and keeps your mind occupied.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Dday for me was a year ago July 10th. I am 6'1" tall and at that time I weighed 310 pounds. Now I am a stocky guy look anemic at 225, but was way overweight. Within the first 9 days following my discovery I lost 18 pounds. Thank god I had found TAM prior to my discovery (I had googled "my wife doesnt love me anymore") so I took the loss as a good start. I now weigh 245 pounds, workout 5 times a week and am in the best shape I have been in since my 20's. ( I swim open water events have done 3 5k's and a 2.5 miler ocean swim so far this year). Not a great way to diet but for me certainly has been effective!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Hoosier said:


> Dday for me was a year ago July 10th. I am 6'1" tall and at that time I weighed 310 pounds. Now I am a stocky guy look anemic at 225, but was way overweight. Within the first 9 days following my discovery I lost 18 pounds. Thank god I had found TAM prior to my discovery (I had googled "my wife doesnt love me anymore") so I took the loss as a good start. I now weigh 245 pounds, workout 5 times a week and am in the best shape I have been in since my 20's. ( I swim open water events have done 3 5k's and a 2.5 miler ocean swim so far this year). Not a great way to diet but for me certainly has been effective!


Holy CRAP!! That is awesome!!

I mean, not the Dday stuff cuz that absolutely sucks, but that someone takes such a negative and turns it into a positive is a great success story in my book. Kudos to you Hoosier.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I lost 10 kgs. Is it 22 lbs?

I lost appetite.

I wandered like a skeleton.

This was in early 2011. I am back to normal physical levels. Emotionally much stronger now.


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