# What the heck just happened??



## 4Everalone (Sep 30, 2012)

I posted my about my wife's affair in CWI awhile back, I have since removed that post for personal reasons. Anyways the strangest thing happened. Here's the cliff notes of my story. W starts acting suspicious-she had an EA which I ended-I discover thousands of text with a different OM on phone bill- confront her, she denies nothing and she wont end it - We are divorcing.

Now, on the eve of the final confrontation when I say we are divorcing and how it is going to go down we had the longest deepest conversation than we ever had in 20+ years of marriage. Basically our marriage has been in the crapper for the last several years and we both agreed divorce would have been imminent, affair or not. We decided to be separated until we can get things settled for our 2 children, one in college and one a year away from college. To me my kids were all that mattered in all this mess. We mutually agreed it will never work with us again after what she has done. Then the strangest thing ever happened.

By law we are married but to us we are not. We both agreed that we are not going to be nasty about it and try to be civil until the D is final. We talked about all the problems with us and where things went wrong, I will never forgive her about the PA, hence the D will happen, But after much talk and soul searching we agreed to be friends and basically just roommates until the D. We are released from the bonds of marriage that have been so painful to us as of late and we just became friends.

After the burden of our marriage has been lifted we are actually having really deep meaningful conversations and don't fight, I don't have to worry about what she is up to because she's not my wife anymore. We still sleep in the same bed together and actually the next night had the best sex we ever had, it's was amazing. We decided we can both date but we will be friends with benefits as we see fit, we are not accountable to each other anymore.

Its the craziest thing, I am strangely at peace with the whole situation now, I'm happier now as friends than I ever was when we were married. In the end I am glad it turned out this way instead of a messy divorce where we are at each others throats having the courts decide everything. She says she does not want take to take me to the cleaners in the end and will not go after my retirement, i think that's just her feeling the guilt from the PA but we'll see. As I see it now, it appears as a win-win situation. We still have sad days and am not completely over everything, but it's much easier to deal with it this way IMHO. 

Will it last??


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## pseudonym (Aug 19, 2012)

4Everalone said:


> Will it last??


That's up to you.

In my case, we remained friends for the first month or two and were physical during that first month. She eventually moved out, started seeing her OM more heavily and I started to miss her. I wanted her back and that dissolved our nice "friendship" that we had going and now we aren't speaking to one another. Could I have maintained the friendship? Sure. But, with her seeing someone else, it would have never been a true friendship unless I was totally okay with that (which I wasn't).



4Everalone said:


> We still have sad days and am not completely over everything


Since you say that, I assume your feelings will surface eventually and it will test the cozy friendship you have going now. Are you REALLY okay with her being with another man while you get to be her backup plan (physically and emotionally)?


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## 4Everalone (Sep 30, 2012)

Well that's the thing, I'm not plan B. I told her I would never be married to her again because of what she did, and I released her. That act alone lifted the burden off my shoulders. It doesn't bother me anymore that she is with the OM because I have accepted it and moved on. We even talk about her relationship with him, as she describes it I don't think they will last long. Its funny, she says he gets bothered when she still refers to me as her H. I LOL'ed because now I am sore spot in their relationship. Sometimes I text her a lot when she is with him so HE can get annoyed like I used to when she was texting him all the time before D-day. I don't want her back, we are friends now and I like her in that sense only, and she knows it.

When I say I'm not over everything I am just referring to the flood of emotions I went through to get to this point, and its just too hard to shut that off. Any thought of R that passes through my thoughts are always immediately squashed by the lies and cheating that happened that led us to here.


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