# After infidelity, what do wedding rings mean?



## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?

I wore mine for 35 years non stop, until I had it cut off after discovering FWH's infidelity...almost 4 years since Dday and R but neither of us has made a move to wear them again....


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?
> 
> I wore mine for 35 years non stop, until I had it cut off after discovering FWH's infidelity...almost 4 years since Dday and R but neither of us has made a move to wear them again....


They make excellent fishing lures!!!


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I didn't wear mine for many years after my wife's affair. I viewed it as the symbol of a broken promise. I saw that the old marriage had ended and whatever we had was new.

I eventually reached the point where I felt the need to see our relationship as a continuum with the affair as a part of it. To do that I had to wear the ring again. It meant a lot to my wife but it was very hard to do.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Wazza said:


> I didn't wear mine for many years after my wife's affair. I viewed it as the symbol of a broken promise. I saw that the old marriage had ended and whatever we had was new.
> 
> I eventually reached the point where I felt the need to see our relationship as a continuum with the affair as a part of it. To do that I had to wear the ring again. It meant a lot to my wife but it was very hard to do.


I've pondered the wedding ring thing a bunch, too. Conveniently, my wife's old ring broke apart apart, and she has a different ring now than she did during the affair. I have the same one. I took it off for awhile after Dday, and almost crushed it in a vice. Later, our MC convinced me otherwise, and I put it back on. Kind of a "do one or the other" big picture choice.

The thought of her wearing her original ring during that time drives me mad. She was so excited about that ring. Loved it.

Now, I kinda wish I'd crushed mine again.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

I don't care to ever wear one again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

My WW wore her ring while with OM and I demanded she take it off. WW cried profusely and at the end of the night it sat in her jewelry box. After two weeks I became calm enough to realize the wedding ring was a symbol of my love, and my vows. Although it disgusts me, she touched OM with that ring, I told her to wear it if she desired. I plan to give her a new ring in January, but she has no idea. I do refuse to wear the ring she gave me. As a matter of fact, WW looked at my ring as it sat on the bathroom sink and said "it's cracked"! I wonder why that could be? I had never noticed the crack before. I wonder what that means?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I have definitely thought on this. We would not be married anyway so no need but I would make her give it back and I would give mine to her cut in two.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

drifting on said:


> My WW wore her ring while with OM and I demanded she take it off. WW cried profusely and at the end of the night it sat in her jewelry box. After two weeks I became calm enough to realize the wedding ring was a symbol of my love, and my vows. Although it disgusts me, she touched OM with that ring, I told her to wear it if she desired. I plan to give her a new ring in January, but she has no idea. I do refuse to wear the ring she gave me. As a matter of fact, WW looked at my ring as it sat on the bathroom sink and said "it's cracked"! I wonder why that could be? I had never noticed the crack before. I wonder what that means?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The never ending love that it symbolized has been broken.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Initially just a nice piece of jewellery that i didn't wear afterwards, strangely enough she never wore them or claimed not to wear them with him out of guilt of what she was doing, i never forbade her to wear them afterwards as they are hers now and also kids so used to seeing them and she did seem 100% sorry and wanted to make things right again so every situation different for every poster here, still didn't lessen sense of betrayal though


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

My wife said she would take her rings off in the car before going into the hotel with the OM. I guess to be free of me and any guilt. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The same thing they meant before the infidelity...nothing. They are just an advertisement for the men/women who find it a challenge and very rewarding to prove to themselves they actually have the value that someone in their past led them to believe they did not. Similar to locks, they only keep honest people honest.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> The never ending love that it symbolized has been broken.


Whomever was sending a message, it was powerful. WW love for me cracked, so is my ring. My never ending love, her ring intact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

RWB said:


> My wife said she would take her rings off in the car before going into the hotel with the OM. I guess to be free of me and any guilt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It took me a month before the rings came to mind, so I asked if she wore them with him. WW said yes. I couldn't believe she would touch me after she wore it with him. That was the closest moment we had to ending reconciliation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?
> 
> I wore mine for 35 years non stop, until I had it cut off after discovering FWH's infidelity...almost 4 years since Dday and R but neither of us has made a move to wear them again....


******************************************************

A sad reminder of a Happier Time!


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

RWB said:


> My wife said she would take her rings off in the car before going into the hotel with the OM. I guess to be free of me and any guilt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> Wow! How thoughtful of her.
> 
> Did you ask if she did it to appease OM also?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

We got new rings. And it's worked for us.


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## Tikori (Dec 28, 2014)

I threw mine away. It had been an inexpensive ($20) plain 2 piece hinged claddagh set he bought at the mall and just said "here you go" so, it wasn't worth anything financially. 

Funny, a week after we got married the hinge on them snapped and broke in two so they could not be worn together. Guess there was my first sign.

My husband wore his after until I told him every time I looked at it all I saw were his broken vows and it made me sick so he quit wearing his. That seemed to really bother him, he held onto wearing that ring more than I have seen him hold onto anything else. After about 2 days he was fine with it though, like always.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

They mean whatever a given individual assigns to them, I suppose. 

Ours now mean very little to me, as the eternal love they were supposed to mean clearly had so little effect as to actually encourage fidelity.

In all reality they now mean nothing more than a very poor investment in gold.


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## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

We have agreed to find a jeweler who will recast them into new rings. I have made it very clear to FWH that since it was he who broke the vows they represented, it must be he who finds the jeweler, etc. Like usual he has procrastinated, says he will do it when I bring it up occassionally.

Since the rings represented our heart commitment and spiritual marriage, his attitude towards replacing them is disheartening to me. I consider us legally married but not spiritually married.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The wedding ring becomes suffering.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

workindad said:


> RWB said:
> 
> 
> > My wife said she would take her rings off in the car before going into the hotel with the OM. I guess to be free of me and any guilt.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_

In truth it was multiple OM. They were more interested in taking her cloths off.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

I used to say that the ring doesn't mean anything to me anymore, so I don't wear it. But I realize now, that it must mean something, otherwise I would wear it. If I didn't consider it a symbol, I would just wear it, wouldn't I? I actually liked to wear it.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

cpacan said:


> I used to say that the ring doesn't mean anything to me anymore, so I don't wear it. But I realize now, that it must mean something, otherwise I would wear it. If I didn't consider it a symbol, I would just wear it, wouldn't I? I actually liked to wear it.


Or sell it like I did. The money meant more to me than any symbol of a marriage that never truly was a marriage. I didn't wear mine for a long time because of work and because I knew the sentiments were only true if they were kept and believed by the couple. If they are believed, all that has to be done is the one who is making advances needs told there is no chance because the object of their affection is married and in love. Some think the ring conveys this. It doesn't. Actions convey this and are the only thing necessary beyond true love. That ring means little other than a symbol. Therefore, it won't stop a serious attack against a marriage that is in trouble. Only the dissatisfied partner can do that. They are not losing a chance at anything except someone who does not respect the vows of a marriage. Therefore, they are no better than the uncaring spouse, and some might say, they are worse because they do not respect the word of the spouse with whom they intend to have an affair. This is the real mistake of the wayward. They place their respect in the hands of someone who does not respect them. Well, it's my opinion.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?
> 
> I wore mine for 35 years non stop, until I had it cut off after discovering FWH's infidelity...almost 4 years since Dday and R but neither of us has made a move to wear them again....





allwillbewell said:


> We have agreed to find a jeweler who will recast them into new rings. I have made it very clear to FWH that since it was he who broke the vows they represented, it must be he who finds the jeweler, etc. Like usual he has procrastinated, says he will do it when I bring it up occassionally.
> 
> Since the rings represented our heart commitment and spiritual marriage, his attitude towards replacing them is disheartening to me. I consider us legally married but not spiritually married.


allwillbewell,

Four years seems like a long time for the BS to commit to reconciliation if the WS's commitment is less then what it should be.

Is he letting you down in any other ways? Do you doubt his commitment to your marriage? If the answers are yes, have you expressed your disappointment?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

carmen ohio said:


> allwillbewell,
> 
> Four years seems like a long time for the BS to commit to reconciliation if the WS's commitment is less then what it should be.
> 
> Is he letting you down in any other ways? Do you doubt his commitment to your marriage? If the answers are yes, have you expressed your disappointment?


While I think this is right, I also think it's not the whole story. 

Passionate love ("I am in love with you") is one reason to be married. Other things in the mix might include caring deeply about the other person ("I love you"), financial partnership, staying for the kids, staying for the sake of the vows you made, or staying for religious beliefs.

Four years out from my wife's affair, there was no thought at all of "I am in love with you" from either side. We were together for the kids, working on effective co-parenting and seeking to rediscover friendship.

Putting the ring back on was actually at a stage where the kids were all adults and I thought, "Duty done, now I decide whether I want to be with this person or if it is time to go our separate ways." Had I chosen to separate, it would have devastated my wife (though to be honest, I think telling her that I was thinking about it was an important step in getting her to take certain issues in the marriage seriously). Separating would probably have destroyed her financially (she has a good income but doesn't understand how to manage money). 

In one sense, she had the affair, and she also did a really poor job helping repair the damage for the longest time. If that led to separation she had brought it on herself. But I care about her. I don't wish to cause her unnecessary pain. And we had a lot of shared history and values. 

I have met other women I find attractive. I have one other very good female friend who could probably be a wife if things were different (the friendship exists with certain boundaries, including my wife's concurrence). So it's not that I am scared of being alone. I just choose to be committed to my marriage.

And, full circle, wearing the ring again is a symbol of that renewed commitment.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I never stopped wearing my ring. In fact, I've only ever taken it off in order to clean it.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Was a major symbol to me. After I confronted x wife on affair I immediately took it off. Never put it on again and eventually sold it


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Working in ajewlery7 store, people have come in altlh the time to sell them. 

Eiother ti annoy their spouse until they found out that isnm;'t always leagl, or easy, 
or pay their legal biils.


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## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

Carmen : 
Our R has been a very complicated process. 
We were in FR for almost year and half. I wish I had done things differently, found TAM earlier, not been so co - dependent, etc.
After a very LTA, Fwh was ambivalent and non supportive to a certain degree. I was desperately fighting off the pursuit of his OW, more focused on proving myself her equal in bed and in his heart...all very unhealthy I now see. 
I had always felt my vows were spiritually based, he never did even from the beginning. I don 't believe he ever felt the rings represented anything near to what I did. He wore it off and on claiming it was uncomfortable and finally consigning it to the bottom of his junk drawer permanently during his A.
All that said, I feel he is fully committed to the marriage but is stubbornly clinging to doing it "his " way. He was never overly expressive of his feelings, romantic or sensitive to fulfilling my needs as I expressed them. Still isn't to a great degree but is better at it when I engage or initiate discussions..he tries. I have accepted that some people are more empathetic than others and because we never seperated, I never exposed
his A and never did the 180 like I should have he has had no real consequences.
Re - read Wazza 's post above to understand that alot of what is posted there is also true for our R.
Bottom line? Yes, I feel he is as committed to our marriage as he ever will be..he simply doesn't view it on the same spiritual level as I did but that is a moot point for me now that he has been unfaithful...I doubt that that spiritual union can ever be achieved with infidelity in his history. I am working to accept that reality. Unless he has an major breakthrough in his belief system and ability to express his emotions, and I am finally able to forgive everything, we will continue to have a good partnership, enjoy our companionship on a deep enough level for outward success but never really feel fulfilled in the spiritual sense I originally felt marriage should be. I haven't fully given up hope we may achieve this but I seem to be in a period of doubt and disconnection lately..all to be expected in the infidelity dimension we find ourselves in, right?
Thanks for your gentle concern.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

My H is a mechanic. He wore his wedding band the first year we where married & got it hung a couple of times. So he has never wore it since. It didn't matter anyway because the OW knew he was married, She knew me. She wore her rings. I have never took mine off, but I've come to the conclusion that they don't mean anything to most people..


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?
> 
> Don't wear mine for several reasons. One, my fingers swell a lot in the summer and it is extremely hard to take off. Secondly, my jobs requires me to be around corrosive substances at times and taking it on and off was sort of a hassle. Thirdly, there is no love in my M and I see no need to wear something to symbolize something that no longer exists.
> 
> ...


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

I smashed mine with a hammer until it was a little cube thingy. Not much gold when compacted.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?
> 
> I wore mine for 35 years non stop, until I had it cut off after discovering FWH's infidelity...almost 4 years since Dday and R but neither of us has made a move to wear them again....


Value at a pawn shop my friend.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

If you're into symbols, the ring can mean anything, but after betrayal it's obvious that the original intent lost its power. I don't wear it now, but I see it as a symbol of something I used to have. I hope that I one day will reach a state of mind where it will feel right to put it on again.

I wonder how a WS, or fWS for that matter, see the symbol - is it like "today I'm commited and wear my ring, tomorrow not so much so I'll take it off, rinse and repeat"? Or did the ring lose its power to them as well?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

cpacan said:


> If you're into symbols, the ring can mean anything, but after betrayal it's obvious that the original intent lost its power. I don't wear it now, but I see it as a symbol of something I used to have. I hope that I one day will reach a state of mind where it will feel right to put it on again.
> 
> I wonder how a WS, or fWS for that matter, see the symbol - is it like "today I'm commited and wear my ring, tomorrow not so much so I'll take it off, rinse and repeat"? Or did the ring lose its power to them as well?


cpacan

My WW and I spoke about this at length. I asked if she wore the ring while with OM. WW said yes. I demanded she take the ring off and we argued. WW's reasoning was she felt closer to me while wearing it and thought I was pushing for divorce. I later realized the ring was a symbol of my vows and love and allowed her to wear it again. It just hurt worse knowing she touched OM with that ring on.


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## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

Mh FWH has said that early in our marriage he viewed them as symbolic of his sincere intentions, fell out of love with me for various reasons, cheated and now sees them as symbolizing his broken vows, shame, dishonor. Perhaps forging the old gold of his early intentions into new committments would be very symbolic and appropriate.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?


Before I divorced my wife, I still wore my ring, but only to keep up appearances. I really wanted to take it off. I looked at it on my finger in almost as much disgust as looking at her.

When I took it off to shower or whatever, I'd flip it the bird(weird, I know, but I was very angry)

So to answer your question, after her infidelity, the ring meant nothing to me. It was nothing more than a reminder of being with someone I wanted out of my sight.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

drifting on said:


> cpacan
> 
> My WW and I spoke about this at length. I asked if she wore the ring while with OM. WW said yes. I demanded she take the ring off and we argued. WW's reasoning was she felt closer to me while wearing it and thought I was pushing for divorce. I later realized the ring was a symbol of my vows and love and allowed her to wear it again. It just hurt worse knowing she touched OM with that ring on.


Yeah, this explains why I don't mind that she wears her ring, and that I, at the same time, don't feel comfortable wearing mine.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I took mine off and demanded he take his off and give it to me since he wore it with her. I then gave it back as it was my vows and they were not broken but seeing them on his finger while I could not wear mine was a major trigger for me so he does not wear them. As for my beautiful diamond ring that is the very imagine of what I dreamed of as a child it is lost. Now gone, somewhere to never never land. I am crushed again by it's loss. I am currently waiting for an insurance settlement and undecided as to what I will do with it. I thought about getting myself another ring or giving him back the money and his brokenness. It will never be the same, it can never be better than it was. Once broken, the illusion is gone and reality hit what love is there left? What promise could he possibly give me that he has not broken that I would even begin to trust or believe in him again. I started to think about moving forward but since he has not done the requested or required actions and broken every agreement even made in counseling it will not happen anytime soon. Harder is I still do not think he really has a clue he still don't get it.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

allwillbewell said:


> Carmen :
> Our R has been a very complicated process.
> We were in FR for almost year and half. I wish I had done things differently, found TAM earlier, not been so co - dependent, etc.
> After a very LTA, Fwh was ambivalent and non supportive to a certain degree. I was desperately fighting off the pursuit of his OW, more focused on proving myself her equal in bed and in his heart...all very unhealthy I now see.
> ...


IMO, the biggest loser in all this is your FWH, for not fully appreciating what a loving, devoted wife he has. If he did, he would be a lot more committed to his marriage.


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## peskipixy (Jan 3, 2015)

My FWH never wore his ring unless I reminded him to put it on. He would say he was worried about losing it since he works outside. During that time, he had an intense EA with a co-worker that I eventually exposed to her boyfriend. Ah, that was so much fun (trust me, I enjoyed every minute of it). He immediately put his ring on but I took mine off. Didn't wear them for almost a year. He has never taken his ring off again but I took mine off again for a few months last year and he was NOT happy about that, kinda worries whenever I do. I told him to live with it. I'm wearing them again.

Honestly, the rings don't mean anything after an affair except the value of the metal and stones. They were exchanged during a symbolic ceremony where one person pledged to the other they would be committed and faithful only to each other. That becomes null and void once a partner strays.


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## darkdays (Jul 31, 2013)

When she fell in love with another guy the wedding vows were null and void in my opinion. I don't wear the ring. she wore hers while baking him cookies, buying him birthday present, eating lunch, trying to turn him on. he probably laughed an looked it at with glee thinking he was getting over with another guys wife. She humiliated her family, she humiliated herself and her man. I am sticking around for now mostly for the kids but she destroyed the real marriage. No coming back from that.


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## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

CarmenOhio..you cannot imagine how encouraging your post was today..have been feeling down somewhat and it lifted my heart..thanks.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

awbw, how are you doing?


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Absolutely Fvcking sh!t.. That is what they mean.. 

The whole thing is a fvcking farce.. 

The more and more bullsh!t I am dealing with woman I am discovering they are just as fvcking bad as men, per what women say about men.. Do not be fooled.. 

I fought and begged for my wife to stay.. I did squat.. I've dated and had my heart stomped even more.. 

No one just seems to get it anymore.. There are just so many selfish c0ck suckers in this world.. I wish we could stamp these people to stay clear from them or put them on their own ********* island.. 

Its all a fvcking lie.. I'm sorry I made a mistake.. That's nice, fvck you here is the door, don't let it hit you on the a$$ on the way out..

It meant nothing, I only love you.. That's nice, fvck you here is the door, don't let it hit you on the a$$ on the way out..

It was only one time, it will never happen again... That's nice, fvck you here is the door, don't let it hit you on the a$$ on the way out..

Mind you when the Ex GF told me how evil *OTHER WOMEN* can be, I should have realized she was looking in the mirror.. 

So I have no clue if its best keeping the trash you have or keep rummaging through the trash of this world to find another decent human being.. I really don't have a clue, honestly... I thought I was smart, but I am dumb fvck it seems.. 

I can convince a guy to fly into NYC from Chicago to get arrested but I can't see the sh!t going on under my own nose..


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## Daisy Etta (Aug 13, 2014)

X-B said:


> I smashed mine with a hammer until it was a little cube thingy. Not much gold when compacted.


How do you find out how much it's worth for the gold? I've heard that gold is pretty high these days, but I don't want to bring mine to a buyer/pawnshop if it isn't worth the humiliation. I'd love for there to be a website where you type in the carats, the size, and get a rough estimate, or something like that. 
Has anyone sold a plain gold band and can tell approx how much it brought?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

RWB said:


> My wife said she would take her rings off in the car before going into the hotel with the OM. I guess to be free of me and any guilt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ouch


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## Daisy Etta (Aug 13, 2014)

If this is allowed, I have found the answer to my earlier question. There is a site Online Scrap Gold Value Calculator - How Much Is My Gold Worth? | How Much is My Jewelry Worth?
all you need to know is the karat number and the weight of your ring/item. For the record one ring is probably going to get you under $100.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

> After infidelity, what do wedding rings mean?


Jack Schidt


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

that was some nasty beer Glad they went under. Schidt's tasted like sewer water.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Speaking of beer. I would gladly have traded my wedding ring for a case of Two-Hearted Ale.


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## planecrazy (Aug 11, 2015)

My wife had an affair. Mostly EA. no full blown sex though. It lasted a short time, maybe 3 weeks. After was all said and done she wanted rid of her ring and to get a new one which i did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

allwillbewell said:


> What do your original wedding rings mean to you now that you have cheated or were cheated upon? Do you still wear them?
> 
> I wore mine for 35 years non stop, until I had it cut off after discovering FWH's infidelity...almost 4 years since Dday and R but neither of us has made a move to wear them again....


They mean about as much as the vows did to the cheater - absolutely nothing...


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

For me, it means finding out that your ring was cheap when you try to sell it. He spent more money paying for sex than he did on my wedding set.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I no longer wear mine - took it off over a year ago as things were not going well and we had never really dealt with his cheating. I told him he could continue to wear his ring because that was a symbol of my vows to him ( I never broke my vows) but I would not wear mine (as he has broken his vows to me) as the ring doesn't stand for anything.
If in the future we were at a place where we would renew our vows (that opportunity did arise to renew our vows at a church event but I really did not want to. As a result he went for IC, which was a positive thing).
Right now I wear a dress ring on my wedding ring finger and am in no hurry to start wearing my wedding ring at all.


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

I took my ring off years ago because I had a job where the ring would catch and I nearly lost a finger because of it. I never put it back on when I started teaching and didn't think about it. My FWW and I are in R and she has busted herself to make up for her A. When she was going to see her Fu*k Buddy I was so sick and my blood so toxic that I have no memory of that time at all. I was considering putting the ring back on, but I never thought to ask her if she was wearing hers while she was with him. Guess I will ask her first.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Doodly squat. IDK even where mine are. I either threw them away or they are in a junk drawer at my ex wife's house.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

aine said:


> I no longer wear mine - took it off over a year ago as things were not going well and we had never really dealt with his cheating. I told him he could continue to wear his ring because that was a symbol of my vows to him ( I never broke my vows) but I would not wear mine (as he has broken his vows to me) as the ring doesn't stand for anything.


That perspective caught my eye. I never really thought of it that way. I would have said my ring was a symbol of my commitment, not of her commitment to me. But now that I think about it, you're right. That's what we said in our vows.

My wife stopped wearing her rings secretly when she decided the marriage was over. She usually only wore jewelry when out of the house, and would put on rings just before leaving the house. When she got home she would take off all her jewelry including rings. So I never noticed she had stopped wearing them for *4* years!

But during those 4 years there were numerous red flags and even a smoking gun of at least one affair.

She decided on our 25th anniversary she was done with the marriage but would stick it out until the kids were out of the house about 5 years later. She never told me this at the time.

I, too, was trying to keep the marriage together because of the kids, but I wanted to truly save it for the long haul.

Anyhow, I never found proof positive of an affair, and she did come back to the marriage when I finally confronted her (she denied any affairs though). About a year after than I discovered a big deception which she wouldn't really discuss, just rug sweeping. Finally after another attempt at a discussion I realized that we don't have a marriage as I see marriage.

That's when I took off my ring, over a year ago.

So, she took off her rings as a sign she was breaking the vows. I took off my ring as a sign she was breaking the vows. Interesting the difference in our thinking.

I still do miss having the ring on but can't bring myself to wear it.


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## planecrazy (Aug 11, 2015)

I never wear mine. Never did before anything happened either. I would have took it and sold it but it was a family members that i inherited and its sentimental so its stays locked up
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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

I couldn't wear my ring for years due to my profession, but would carry it in my pocket. During a particularly grueling day at the office, the ring was damaged, even though it was in my pocket. After that, it spent about 10 years in my wife's jewelry box.

Shortly after my original D-Day, one of the books I read (was it "Not Just Friends?") recommended establishing a monument representing renewed commitment to the marriage. The ring became my monument. I took it to a jeweler, had it repaired, put it on and didn't remove it for about the next year or so.

Once I uncovered my wife's lies and the truth about her extended affair, I removed it and placed it on my dresser, where it's sat, untouched, to this day.

As others have said, the ring represented the vows she made to me, vows which were broken and never reconciled. It now represents my marriage: abandoned, in plain sight, unacknowledged and untouched.

Just thought I'd start your day with that cheery thought!


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I posted earlier on this thread and had planned to get my wife a new ring. After talking about this, we, to this day, are unsure on what to do. I can understand my wife's reasons as she understands mine. She is willing to do whatever I decide, and whatever I ultimately need to do. She is very understanding this is her consequence to her actions. 

It's just that in the last mine months this has only really made me trigger twice. The trigger is because she wore it during her affair. But then I get conflicted as the ring is a testament to my vows and they have remained true. She absolutely adores her ring and what it represents, my vows, my honor. I will say I picked out the ring myself, with no outside help or influence. I knew her so well, and now I don't know who she is, we have both changed so much.
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## planecrazy (Aug 11, 2015)

Looking back now i probably should have made her kept it instead of buying a new one as a reminder of what she did.
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