# Help - I really need an opinion



## Isabellam (Aug 23, 2010)

so, long story short - I have posted several times already about all the issues with my husband, but here are my top two:
1) Lack of intimacy
2) No kids

So, the latest in my saga is that my husband has clearly told me that he doesn't know if he will ever want children. He said that he did not want kids right now (multiple reasons: he doesn't want to feel that a kid is more imporant, he thinks he would have to be the primary parent since I work to much (just know that i make twice as much as he does), etc). He said that even if we were better, he is not sure he wants to have kids, and that he can picture a future where is just the two of us (and the dog). He finally said that right now the answer the kids question is a no, and that he may or may not change his mind in the future. But, that is what it would be -him changing his mind.

I don't want that. I want to be a mom. I know that for sure. So, here is the 1,000,000 dollars question: Do I stick around for the next few years hoping that he will change? Now, I just turned 31 last month - I am seriously afraid of waiting for the next five years and then having a hard time having a baby, but I am also afraid of giving up on our marriage, I keep thinking -what if he does change his mind? 

This is driving me crazy. Help.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

Did the two of you talk about having children before you were married? If so, and you both agreed, then you definitely have a right to expect that part of the marriage to be fullfilled. I know that my wife and I got married we had already decided beforehand that we wanted children. If for some reason she had changed her mind afterwards and said she didn't want any anymore, that would have been a deal breaker for me and I would have probably divorced her after a period of waiting (making sure she was firm in her decision). But that is just me. You have to make sure that having children is something that you want so bad that you would be willing to end the marriage if it does not come true, or decide that being married to him, outweighes having kids. Only you can make that decision, but if you decide that having kids is what you want, then give your husband a set amount of time to make up his mind and then tell him that if he doesn't change it by then, you are gone. Make sure of your decision before you tell him. Good luck!


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I agree 110% with Russ101.

When my husband and I were dating he said he didn't think he ever wanted kids. The next day I broke up with him on those grounds. I honestly didn't know if I wanted kids but I wasn't willing to go forward with the relationship if he was not open to it. I also made it clear I didn't want to change his mind, that his decisions were perfectly fine for him but just didn't work for me. He totally turned around and expressed fears about being a father and made the choice himself to be open to it. 

We have two kids, he's a great dad and yes has had to work at it but he adores them. He felt strongly I should be a STAHM and breast feed and was such a supportive husband threw those stages.

You have every right to be a mother if that is one of your life goals. But if he is unwilling you also have a right to leave.


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