# Update on me



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Hey all! It's been a long time since I've posted, but if any is still around from a year or 2 ago, I just wanted to update that the separation has gone really well. STBXH is living 2 houses down for now, and the girls have adjusted really well (after a pretty horrid fall). Really feels like we've turned the corner and have settled into a new normal (knock on wood!). Thank you all for the support and encouragement. Separation was the right/only choice left for us, and we're really all better off for it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Fear of the unknown keeps some in limbo forever. Glad that didn't happen to you and that you and the girls are doing well. It's a tough road for sure but the peace you gain is definitely worth it.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

I am really glad to hear that you have had a successful separation. Sometimes it really is for the better. How is it having your STBXH living two doors down from you?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

It's been good so far. We have an excellent therapist who encouraged us both to leave the past in the past, and begin a new relationship as co-parents to our daughters. She's been invaluable. She helps clarify and communicate boundaries, helps us keep the girls first, and has helped us see each other as members of the same team. I see her alone too, but STBX doesn't.

This might sound crazy, but we're actually considering an addition onto the house--a garage with an apartment above it, for X. The house he's in now is just a winter rental, and the owners will be back in the spring. If we put an apartment on, the girls will have one house still, I won't have to share custody as much (since they'll pretty much always be around), and financially, all the money X would spend on rent becomes equity. Dating might be weird, but I don't think we should bring people around the kids anyway, so it's going to be somewhat complicated no matter what. And we'll pay cash for it, so if the idea's a disaster, he can move out and I'll still be able to pay the mortgage.

I'll let you know how it goes!


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

northernlights said:


> It's been good so far. We have an excellent therapist who encouraged us both to leave the past in the past, and begin a new relationship as co-parents to our daughters. She's been invaluable. She helps clarify and communicate boundaries, helps us keep the girls first, and has helped us see each other as members of the same team. I see her alone too, but STBX doesn't.
> 
> This might sound crazy, but we're actually considering an addition onto the house--a garage with an apartment above it, for X. The house he's in now is just a winter rental, and the owners will be back in the spring. If we put an apartment on, the girls will have one house still, I won't have to share custody as much (since they'll pretty much always be around), and financially, all the money X would spend on rent becomes equity. Dating might be weird, but I don't think we should bring people around the kids anyway, so it's going to be somewhat complicated no matter what. And we'll pay cash for it, so if the idea's a disaster, he can move out and I'll still be able to pay the mortgage.
> 
> I'll let you know how it goes!


And, then you can rent it to someone else!


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

ReturntoZero said:


> And, then you can rent it to someone else!


Yes!! Maybe even air b&b over the summers... :smile2:


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

northernlights said:


> Yes!! Maybe even air b&b over the summers... :smile2:


That's my girl.

I knew you'd make it through just fine.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I think you seriously underestimate what dating will do to your relationship with your husband / ex husband. There isva reason an ex is an ex and needs to stay in the past as much as possible.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

northernlights said:


> It's been good so far. We have an excellent therapist who encouraged us both to leave the past in the past, and begin a new relationship as co-parents to our daughters. She's been invaluable. She helps clarify and communicate boundaries, helps us keep the girls first, and has helped us see each other as members of the same team. I see her alone too, but STBX doesn't.
> 
> This might sound crazy, but we're actually considering an addition onto the house--a garage with an apartment above it, for X. The house he's in now is just a winter rental, and the owners will be back in the spring. If we put an apartment on, the girls will have one house still, I won't have to share custody as much (since they'll pretty much always be around), and financially, all the money X would spend on rent becomes equity. Dating might be weird, but I don't think we should bring people around the kids anyway, so it's going to be somewhat complicated no matter what. And we'll pay cash for it, so if the idea's a disaster, he can move out and I'll still be able to pay the mortgage.
> 
> I'll let you know how it goes!


Im glad you two are getting on well with the coparenting, but the apartment thing is a BAD idea.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Im glad you two are getting on well with the coparenting, but the apartment thing is a BAD idea.


Completely agree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

meh, we'll see. I would love to see STBX happy with someone, so I can't imagine having a problem with him dating. I don't think it's unrealistic that we could each make sure the bulk of dating takes place outside of the house and away from the kids. We'll each have to be extra careful about overnight guests, but not a huge tradeoff IMO.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

But even if both of you are ok with the other dating it might be very hard to get a new partner to go along with that. 

I'd never date a man who was renting an apartment from his ex wife, and it might be very confusing for your kids.


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