# How long?



## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife broke my heart 15mo ago, she just told me she was sorry when she filed for divorce. 4mo she had her BF on the computer everyday while my heart broke. She only spent a weekend w/ him but making me look @ him everyday?? WHat did she think was going to happen? So for 15mo she has been the worst human on the planet w/ the cheating, lies and hurt....I've done therapy for these past 15mo and I felt so much better when she told me she's filed for divorce  MC didn't work and I feel I'm over her.
When can I get back in the game? I want to go out w/ a woman and I think I'm ready, I have 2 dates lined up for the weekend  Too soon?
Friends and family tell me to wait, it's too soon, but my IC told me it's OK. I did everything I was supposed to and so much more, I helped her out of the fog (well most of the way) and she's thanked me for that. She just filed for divorce July 1, I've been out of the house for a week and I don't want to go back, ever!! 
I have to tell you, she's destroyed EVERY part of our relationship, she is never sorry for her actions, I get the blame for everything, she has no idea what love is. Why can't I go out and have fun w/ women?
Mouse


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well, nobody has control over you but you, but personally if you have only been on your own for week and D has just been filed I would wait.

You have nothing to lose by taking some time to work on yourself. 
In reading your post, it sounds like your W did everything to destroy your marriage. What did you do to play a role in it? It is never just one person's fault.

You
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

By having fun with women, do you mean using them for sex? If that is your objective then I can tell you that it is a very hollow and sad one. If not, then you run the risk of falling into a rebound relationship which most of the time end up pretty badly.

Why not instead take the time to be happy just being a single man? There are probably many type of activities that you loved but put aside because you were married. Why not pursue those instead?

You must learn to be choosy of the women you allow into your life otherwise you run a very high risk of getting involved with a woman just like your STBXW. Is that what you want?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well seeing that you already have two dates scheduled for this weekend, it seems you have decided it's not too soon to go out with other women/date.

And ultimately, only you can decide when you are ok to date.

If you are mentally in a good place and over your wife then I'd say you're in a better spot than most people going through a divorce. Most people going through divorces are a wreck.

DO be honest with the women and tell them you are still married but in the process of a divorce.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> Well seeing that you already have two dates scheduled for this weekend, it seems you have decided it's not too soon to go out with other women/date.
> 
> And ultimately, only you can decide when you are ok to date.
> 
> ...


That's pretty much it. If she stabbed you 15 months ago, it seems like you may have had some time to heal a bit. If you feel like you are in a good place, then I would date. Do, however, let the women know that you are just getting divorced. You don't want to create more heartache for anybody else and I don't think you want to put yourself in the role of the betrayer.

Be honest, be upfront, respect their feelings. That's pretty much it.


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

DelinquentGurl said:


> Well, nobody has control over you but you, but personally if you have only been on your own for week and D has just been filed I would wait.
> 
> You have nothing to lose by taking some time to work on yourself.
> In reading your post, it sounds like your W did everything to destroy your marriage. What did you do to play a role in it? It is never just one person's fault.
> ...


The roll I played was the "enabler", on many levels, NARSCISM is a PD that relies on the dad to feed the disorder, I did that, I changed and she filed.
I am just a constructiion worker but I have read up on so much and have learned even more. I could never go back and feed her PD, the children suffer still today....EXCEPT the golden child. The other 3 children are dong very well considering what they live w/....We all ran from her and the GC to the garage and made all kinds of projects.
The reason she did all this?? Her mother did it and still does it today, the FIL won't stand up to her, he hides like I used to...C'mon daddy git ur balls back!! "Son of Ricky Bobby" LOL
Mouse


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