# Obsessing, but he's not.



## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

So for those of you who know my story, this is a tiny update. Just found out last night he sees it as completely normal. He has lots of sisters (I was raised an only) and he said that they all kind of do this when they drink. He told me " don't get all weird about it, it happens, and just drop it and don't do it again" and he hugged me and said he loved me. He really doesn't consider it "cheating" which is great that I didn't cross any boundaries in his mind. But I am having a hard time. He says I'm obsessing, I keep wondering "does that mean I'm secretly a lesbian? I don't love my husband? Am I going to hell? Why would he forgive me when I cant forgive myself? Maybe he doesn't care because he doesn't love me?" He told me that he isn't upset with the sister- in- law, either and that she is throwing things out of proportion because that is what she does.. I am prepared for the "storm" in case it happens, but going over and over it, obsessing, crying EVERY OTHER DAY for 6-7 months? I don't see a light. He seems to truly forgive me, so I need to get right so that we can move on (even if its just temporary and it blows up later) I cannot afford a counselor, and I cant keep going over it with him.


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## feelingstupid (Apr 16, 2013)

I guess I'm asking, from anybody, how do you forgive yourself. I have always had a huge sense of right and wrong, and I prided myself on that. This has shattered my perception of myself. I feel worthless, disgusting, a liar and a cheat. He doesn't think that of me. This is all internal. Has anybody coped with this feeling of self-loathing before? Does it go away?


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