# No one to turn to.



## confusion26101 (Nov 13, 2009)

I am new to this site and I dont have anyone to really talk to. I have been married for 8 years and have 4 boys. Two is from previous relationship and 2 with my current husband now. For the last 3 years our marriage has went downhill to the point now I come home, and if I haft to talk to him I will. Other than that after I'm done with supper and cleaning I go to the bedroom for the rest of the evening. Alot of the problem stems from the kids. We have not been out together at ALL since I was pregnant with the last 2 kids, which are 6 and 5 years old. He feels that they are his responsibility and no one should watch them. On our 5th year anniversary I finally talked him into going and seeing a movie with me and my mother was going to watch them. He told the littlest one to get over here and put his coat on so we can get this over with. After that, that was it. I have never asked his to go anywhere or do anything with me again. I feel that was the turning point and I could care less anymore. We have not slept in the same room since they were born. He is a good father tho. He does not go out or drink or smoke. He would never cheat and I know that. But he does not treat my 11 year old right either. My 11 year old has severe ADHD and has been on meds since he was 6. He is constintly hollering at him and letting the precious 6 year old get by with murder. They are not a day goes by that we dont fight about this. I feel he has ADHD to but the father dosent want to believe it. Its to the point that the kids argue all the time and with 4 boys sometimes I cant stand it! I feel that if he would walk out the door I could care less. Sometimes I wish he would find someone else. I know he would never leave me. I just feel that I have gave up and dont care anymore. I dont know even is I still love him. I cant talk to him even anymmore. I just dont know what to do any advise would be helpful.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You have several issues and will have to tackle each one seperate. As far as going out and your husband not wanting anyone to watch the kids... how about going out as a family? There are so many places to go, parks, mueseums that all can enjoy. Hopefully you can make it a habit of at least a few times a year.
I don't know why you couldn't take them with you !!!! Your husband may find he enjoys it and it would be easier to get him to go on a "date" with you too.
There are more issues in your post and I am only adressing one.


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## SmallSoulBlue (Mar 14, 2012)

Big hugs to you. Keeping a marriage together is hard work but throw in children with special needs and marriage and family life become complicated. 

Besides the meds, are you getting any help with your peeps. Does hubby know the strategies in dealing with adhd children? Because knowing the strategies is key to managing a family of this type. Being in denial is not coping with the situation and that sounds like where hubby is at with the special needs.

You and hubby needs to stop fighting about this. Hubby needs to know that you need support with the adha and that he needs to deal with this. It is both of your roles to help your child live in your world and not so much in his world.

As for family outings, this is tricky for peeps with special needs. A zoo is a good place for a child of this type. 

Have you checked out the nimh website?


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## Debra2009 (Mar 17, 2012)

Do not give up. try to plan to go somewhere far away from kids and family. you both need a breakand you need to refresh your love. since you are sure that he wontgo with others that is a plus point to build things again. and the only preson that would love your kids the way you do is their dad. that is why do not give up. keep trying


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

The point I am going to focus on is your H not treating the children equally. Kids pick up on that and resentment and hatred start to grow within them. As they get older, they may act out negatively for attention (negative attention is still attention). 

Your husband needs to realize that just because you are parents doesn't mean you are no longer a married couple. You are still individuals and taking a break for just you two is extremely important. Look at how you feel about him right now. Great father, sucky husband. Why can't he be both? If you try to talk to him, he may get super offended and then more fights will ensue.

I know it is expensive, but have you consider individual counseling for just you for now? Learn some tools you can use to better deal with the situation. It will help you in the long run. Keep posting here, let all your feelings out, this site does help.

Hang in there, even if it is by the tips of your fingernails.


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