# She was never a very sexual person...2 maybe 3 times a week



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Is that really so bad????

This was posted on another thread and hit me like a punch to the gut. 

Early on (and this was 26 years ago), we had sex all the time together, but probably only averaged 2-3X's/wk as we did not live together. When we first were living together I swear we did it 3-5X's/wk, and dwindled prior to kids to 2-3X's/wk. Kids came and of course it changed, but never more then 2-3 wks off over 26 years. 

No I'm not thrilled, but very interesting to read someone saying 2-3/wk is not sexual. Really??????


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Some people screw like rabbits, multiple times per day, that could be, 20x per week!

Others, once a week is about right.

Me, at my "older" age.. 2-3x per week is more than enough and my partner is on the same page.

Sex frequency is not one of those "written in stone" types of things.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I would be ecstatic with 2-3x/wk.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

2-3x per month would seem like a dream come true.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That would be the Sex Olympics.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's always interesting to me to read how for some people 2-3x a week is just right or perfect and for others, not nearly enough. My ex always said 2-3x was never enough. Idk after 8 yeasr together I thought that amount was fine considering how long we'd been together but still made an effort to meet him halfway. He would actually start fights with me over it, how it needed to be more more more all the time or else he was going to find someone else to fvck. Sigh.


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## PAPS18 (May 17, 2012)

We are at 1x a week at most, so if I upped that to 2x a week, how could I complain. However, my wife's way of thinking is that men (me) are never happy. SO, if we are having sex 2x a week, chances are I would want it 3x and so forth. At this point in time, after 20 years of at most 1-2x a week even when newlywed with no kids, for me to get to 2x a week consistently-where I could just relax and enjoy because I knew odds were I would have another opportunity in 3-4 days, I think I would be VERY happy and content-and I would treat her even better than I do now getting what I get. There is NO DOUBT, and my wife knows this very well, my mood is MUCH improved after sex. Her problem is that sex is just not a priority for her-other things come first, kids, her job, and then the end results of kids/job make her stressed and tired, which again leads to no sex.


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## CherryLola (Apr 14, 2012)

My partner and I seem to have very high sex drives on the whole. We have sex on average 3 times a day! Over Saturday and Sunday we had sex 9 times. I doubt we will always have sex this much though..my ex and I had a lot of sex too, but on average it was probably once every other day or something like that (we were togtehr 5 years and maintained this regularity throughout). But I guess everyone is different, and also sometimes the person you are with and the couple you are together, may change your view and desire...I am happy to have sex 3 times a day. Soemtimes I really really really want it that much, but there are days too where I would happily go without...mainly due to work stress exhausting me!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

2-3x/wk , this I would kill for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iGuy (Apr 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> 2-3x/wk , this I would kill for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


2-3x/ MONTH, this I would commit genocide for!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> 2-3x/wk , this I would kill for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:
Would be better than the lottery!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

2-3x/wk, my ideal too (once the jackrabbit phase is over and it settles into LTR mode that is)


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

We flux between 2-3 times a week on the low end, and 4-5 times a week on the high. Occasionally we'll hit a super high streak, like our last anniversary where we had sex 9 times in less than two days.

I tell you this much, we're in our early 30's and even a "low" week for us seems to be more than a lot of the married couples we know in real life.

The only person I've ever met who considered us having sex "just 3 times a week?" as an issue was one of my mid 20's friends. When I told him that was a lot more than a lot of people have, he noted that his mom and dad, parents to I believe seven children, still have sex every single day. From his perspective, and going by the way he grew up, 3 times a week seemed low. He was the only person who's ever noted that in my life.


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## saint_kevin (May 17, 2012)

For me, once a week is just the right dose and I won't want to ask for more. My partner is on the same pace so we are fine. Our top record is 8 times a day and that was the younger time.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

It's like that scene in "Annie Hall" where Woody Allen says "We hardly ever have sex, only 2 or 3 times a week", while Diane Keaton says "We have sex constantly, sometimes as much as 2 or 3 times a week!"

I think that sums it up for many couples.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

iGuy said:


> 2-3x/ MONTH, this I would commit genocide for!


:rofl:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

saint_kevin said:


> For me, once a week is just the right dose and I won't want to ask for more. My partner is on the same pace so we are fine. Our top record is 8 times a day and that was the younger time.


for technical clarification, when you say "8 times a day" do you mean you get together for a lovemaking session, get up, get dressed go about doing things then get back together and repeat?

Or does it mean you are basically lying in bed all day and one or both of you had around 8 orgasms?

Or something else?

I'm confused how people can brag its more than a couple times a day unless they are doing it with clothes on and simply hiking up the dress and unzipping the fly and doing a quick and effortless quickie.

To me, if I'm in bed all day and happen to have several sessions I still kinda consider it once - I count each number as the duration that there is some level of undress, any kind of coital activity, and the the original state of dress is restored or close to.

Using the common 2-3x/wk then it could easily be 2-9x depending on what other things I got done that week.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I would have been the happiest guy on the planet with 2-3 times a week. I was lucky if it happened 2 times a month.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

2-3x a week here. Though I'd probably take 4-5x a week, cause that would rock.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)




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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

We average about 1x every week and a half (yes, I am keeping track!)

There have been times when we did hit the 3x/week mark here and there in the last 5 months and I was thrilled!

If I could get that to 2x/week consistently, I would be good with an occasional 3 thrown in there 

That being said, our sex life was WAY more active when we were younger (we've been married close to 27 years now) and I know that my stamina is not what it used to be!

I agree that if I get lucky more often I am definitely a better person to be around!

My favorite quote is:

"A man is like a linoleum floor. Lay him right and you can walk all over him for 40 years!"


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lon said:


> for technical clarification, when you say "8 times a day" do you mean you get together for a lovemaking session, get up, get dressed go about doing things then get back together and repeat?.



I've had sex as many times in one day as saint_kevin is saying, and for me I count a completed session as her coming at least once, and me coming at least once. And on the particular day I'm thinking, we did dress after each session. And each session varied in time. But regardless, when both of us climaxed we finished what we considered a complete sexual experience.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

jaquen said:


> I've had sex as many times in one day as saint_kevin is saying, and for me I count a completed session as her coming at least once, and me coming at least once. And on the particular day I'm thinking, we did dress after each session. And each session varied in time. But regardless, when both of us climaxed we finished what we considered a complete sexual experience.


obviously not on planet earth, cause there's only 24 hours a day here.

Or maybe I'm just real slow.

I mean there have been a couple occasions where I've had no problems with multiple (maybe up to 7) sessions of various durations, but it still required us to be in bed most of the day.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lon said:


> obviously not on planet earth, cause there's only 24 hours a day here.
> 
> Or maybe I'm just real slow.



No, I must me the really slow one here because I have no idea what you're saying here.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

jaquen said:


> No, I must me the really slow one here because I have no idea what you're saying here.


Well, by slow, I don't really mean like staying power or endurance, I just mean I am usually in no hurry to do much of anything else after I finish, I suppose I dilly dally getting dressed, honestly even with a bunch of quickies even if I could recover and keep going, and even if I deprevied myself of sleep I just don't understand how there is enough waking hours to get busy that many times unless it was a lazy slow day in bed with no reason to get up and dressed.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lon said:


> Well, by slow, I don't really mean like staying power or endurance, I just mean I am usually in no hurry to do much of anything else after I finish, I suppose I dilly dally getting dressed, honestly even with a bunch of quickies even if I could recover and keep going, and even if I deprevied myself of sleep I just don't understand how there is enough waking hours to get busy that many times unless it was a lazy slow day in bed with no reason to get up and dressed.


Oh, I see what you're saying.

Well we certainly don't have that much sex on a normal day. We're talking vacation.

However even then we're not talking about an entire day of commitment. We're talking mostly 15-20 minute sex sessions, with maybe a half hour one or two thrown in. You definitely have time to go about your day and still have tons of sex, assuming neither of you are tuckered out afterward.

If I can keep my wife from coming too many time, which makes her pretty much comotose after 3 or 4 times, sex actually energizer her. So that helps.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I reckon 'very sexual' is people who want sex everyday and more.
That was us for the first few years of our relationship.

These days were anywhere between 2 and 5 times a week. Everyday if we're on holidays somewhere and spending more time 'playing' together

So I would consider 2-3 pretty average.

Anything less than once a week is low and a bit sad IMHO


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## saint_kevin (May 17, 2012)

Lon said:


> for technical clarification, when you say "8 times a day" do you mean you get together for a lovemaking session, get up, get dressed go about doing things then get back together and repeat?
> 
> Or does it mean you are basically lying in bed all day and one or both of you had around 8 orgasms?
> 
> ...


I mean 8 times of her orgasm in one session. We found a way to hold me longer in certain position. The second orgasm is the fastest and easiest.

So, to match with your understanding, you can call it once. To my other buddies, we count it by the number of time she gets orgasm. Just different view.

And yes, it was usually weekends and we had whole day for the lazy us.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

see that's what I find is variable - some people say their ideal is multiple sessions every day - for me on a regular day, getting two sessions is barely doable (a quickie in the morning and a quickie at night), and on those free days well I could get a few more sessions in, but for regular old week days where you have to get the kids up, sh!t shower shave, make breakfast, get the kids to school/daycare, work, pick them up at school/daycare, make supper, clean up, a little play time, get them bathed and in bed, finish the cleaning, paying a bill or two, taking a few minutes to read TAM it's 11pm - so it all comes down to which do you want to sacrifice each day, sleep or sex? And of course for me I don't want quickies all the time - every third day seems about right to me, one night up late making love, next night to catch up on sleep one more to get the needed rest, then itching for sex again. So 2-3 works out as pretty high frequency in my mind, about as much as is doable, if you have a sitter to take care of the kids one night while you go out to find somewhere to romance each other.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

saint_kevin said:


> I mean 8 times of her orgasm in one session. We found a way to hold me longer in certain position. The second orgasm is the fastest and easiest.


Oh! So you count each orgasm she has as a separate sex session? Am I understanding that correctly? That's interesting, I've never heard of that before.

We count a session by when one (but almost always both) of us is finished. So if she comes once, or she comes 10 times, it doesn't matter, that's one session. Just depends on when both of us are satisfied for the time being.

So if we have sex say 8 times in one day, that's 8 ejaculations for me, and probably well over 20 orgasms for her. That, however, is an extremely rare occurence.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

. I consider a "session" to be MY orgasms. She'll have up to 10 of them for every one of mine, then I need time to recover, even if we don't get dressed. Since we don't live together, morning and evening sessions usually aren't possible, so if we have two sessions, its usually without getting dressed in between. Just some quality naked time till someone gets carried away again. But for us, a quickie is at least 30 minutes. A regular romp is usually an hour or two. So again, more than once a day isn't likely, except for the weekends. Then we can easily spend 8 hours naked and in bed.

Yes, we're self-indulgent and spoiled... . But we're both making up for decades of substandard sex lives.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Jaquen,
It fades over time for everyone. It is equally important that the
- LD partner not demoralize their HD partner by deprioritizing sex and equally important that 
- The HD does not "burn out" their LD partner by being too demanding

In a healthy marriage there is a subtle balance in this dance, with each partner asserting their needs - sexual and otherwise - while paying attention to their partners needs. 

With kids comes a high risk of a permanent shift. Having kids does a few major things that jeopardize the overall balance:
- The LD partner is able to get many of their emotional needs met by the children - not their partner. 
- The LD partner can use the kids as a means of creating a schedule that is hostile to sex AND
- Hormonal changes may reduce/eliminate the LD partners desire from low to nothing.
- While this is not nice - it is true. An LD partner typically becomes aware that their HD spouse will tolerate much less sex because their threshold for divorce is much, much different after kids for both financial, social (makes finding a new mate harder) and emotional reasons.

The actual interaction is reflected in the LD partner repeatedly asserting their right to say no - multiple times in a row. And without concern for the HD partners reaction. 

For most men - the most obvious re-balancing step is one they typically don't consider. And that step is simple to describe and difficult to execute. 
HD: Calmly, firmly and consistently communicate that if one child is such a burden that you are disappearing from the priority stack, then you will proceed to get a vasectomy. 

The humorous slogan for this move is: No procreation without recreation. 




jaquen said:


> We flux between 2-3 times a week on the low end, and 4-5 times a week on the high. Occasionally we'll hit a super high streak, like our last anniversary where we had sex 9 times in less than two days.
> 
> I tell you this much, we're in our early 30's and even a "low" week for us seems to be more than a lot of the married couples we know in real life.
> 
> The only person I've ever met who considered us having sex "just 3 times a week?" as an issue was one of my mid 20's friends. When I told him that was a lot more than a lot of people have, he noted that his mom and dad, parents to I believe seven children, still have sex every single day. From his perspective, and going by the way he grew up, 3 times a week seemed low. He was the only person who's ever noted that in my life.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Is that really so bad????
> No I'm not thrilled, but very interesting to read someone saying 2-3/wk is not sexual. Really??????


The quality and overall enthusiasm is more important to me than the frequency. 2-3x/week awesome sex (as opposed to her lying there like a dead fish waiting for you to finish) would be just peachy. I'd be happy with daily but being the HD partner I can't really imagine this happening. If my wife wanted it every day I wonder if I'd be able to keep up! I'd probably have to make some lifestyle changes but it would be worth it.

I can't even fathom doing it multiple times in a day on a regular basis. Don't people have jobs? A twofer - morning + evening sex happens once in awhile for us if the stars are aligned just right.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Normal/average..?

Married couple aged 38-45yrs, two children aged between about 10 and 15yrs, he has a full time job, she has a part-time job...they are 
financially 'comfortable'. they face the usual stresses and strains we all face in life.
No medical problems - other than getting older each day!

I would reckon the the norm for sex is probably between 1-2x a week. The average might well be different because there will be couples out there who do it atleast once a day and those who do it at most once a month.

For those of you who fall into the above 'category' would 1-2x a week be about right?

Sorry to hijack!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Luckily for me my hubby likes quality over quantity- We average 2-3 x's a week- He doesn't want more or at least it seems that way.
Honestly- coming from my perspective, my body could not handle too much more..
I get sore & almost need to 'heal' a bit before getting' down again. 
Sometimes he asks if I'm too sore, then proceeds with, "well, that's why you have 3 holes!" :O
Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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