# Guys, does it bother you...



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

...if your wife wants to return a gift you picked out for you? Does this hurt your feelings, or would you rather she return it if she doesn't like it? If she does return it, does it make you more gun shy to pick out gifts for her in the future?

I once read in a relationship advice book that a wife should smile and pretend to like ANY gift her husband lovingly picked out for her, even if she secretly doesn't like it. Returning gifts emasculates him and hurts his feelings. True or no? Thanks guys.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

This has not happened to me in awhile. Probably for two reasons. First, I have a better idea of what she wants and my wife realizes how I would feel about her exchanging things.

So my answer is ... it depends on the gift. If the gift just becomes a gift certificate then I would not appreciate it. 

What kind of gift are you talking about? Always returning someones gifts is an indicator of something not right IMO. One has to consider what the gift meant to the giver for one.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If you like getting gifts ... but don't like the gifts you are getting and take them back all the time; I don't feel emasculated, I'm just not going to waste my time any more.

If you would choose to complain that a gift card is a 'thoughtless gift', when my thought is that at least it means you can go buy something you like; well then you're just plum crazy, there's no pleasing you ... and I won't be buying you another damn thing ... ever. 

I'm just saying I have seen this behavior previously and find it utterly bizarre.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

We pick out our own gifts no hints no surprises it works for us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Laila619 said:


> ...if your wife wants to return a gift you picked out for you? Does this hurt your feelings, or would you rather she return it if she doesn't like it? If she does return it, does it make you more gun shy to pick out gifts for her in the future?
> 
> I once read in a relationship advice book that a wife should smile and pretend to like ANY gift her husband lovingly picked out for her, even if she secretly doesn't like it. Returning gifts emasculates him and hurts his feelings. True or no? Thanks guys.


Well this is how it played out for us... I'm not the type to act a certain way if I don't feel it...not with my lover anyway ...friends/acquaintances -it's just different...

Faking it -doesn't go well for me...he'd be able to read me anyway....I'm a "feelings on the sleeve" type person ...I gotta be real...this really has no bearing on the THOUGHT...as this should always be appreciated... I am good here...cause really, no one has to buy us anything... a Gift is a *GIFT*. 

Yet... there have been times I would have liked something else, more my style... I remember him buying me this Parrot candle (expensive)...while dating...(I was into birds at the time)... he didn't mind me taking something back (I felt he spent too much!) & choosing another ...

But the true was...I really didn't care all that much about gifts...other things mattered WAY MORE to me..like his spending time with me....So I told him I'd rather shop together, we really haven't bought gifts for each other in YEARS...and it doesn't bother me at all !!


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> But the true was...I really didn't care all that much about gifts...other things mattered WAY MORE to me..like his spending time with me....So I told him I'd rather shop together, we really haven't bought gifts for each other in YEARS...and it doesn't bother me at all !!


That is how it was for us too.


----------



## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Deejo said:


> If you like getting gifts ... but don't like the gifts you are getting and take them back all the time; I don't feel emasculated, I'm just not going to waste my time any more.
> 
> If you would choose to complain that a gift card is a 'thoughtless gift', when my thought is that at least it means you can go buy something you like; well then you're just plum crazy, there's no pleasing you ... and I won't be buying you another damn thing ... ever.
> 
> I'm just saying I have seen this behavior previously and find it utterly bizarre.


This, x10.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

For me, I usually enjoyed the genuine appreciation that my wife gave. Most things I get her I wouldn't care...but if it were something that I put a lot of heart, time, and investment into procuring or creating then I probably would be a little bummed if she didn't like it. But I rarely gave her things she didn't like...as I sorta knew what was her favs...and I strayed away from the things I knew she was really finicky about such as jewelry...although I have picked a few winners here and there. I don't think I ever attached personal acceptance/rejection on gifts...even though I am really a good gift giver, but in the long run, gifts didn't help me much to save my marriage...so all I can say is marriage is about being an excellent giver and receiver in all things.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Married to a gift guy. Picture a little boy bringing his mom a bouquet of freshly picked windflowers and thats my husband. He's so pleased with himself that no way in heck would I return one of his gifts unless it was broken.

To me it's as insensitive as returning a gift my kid gave me.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Married to a gift guy. Picture a little boy bringing his mom a bouquet of freshly picked windflowers and thats my husband. He's so pleased with himself that no way in heck would I return one of his gifts unless it was broken.
> 
> To me it's as insensitive as returning a gift my kid gave me.


:smthumbup:

This entire description could be rewritten with the genders reversed and it would describe my wife.

I'd never hurt her feelings by being ungrateful.


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I think of this two ways. One, if the return was a really unusual event then I think it passes without much harm because it seen as a one time thing. Two, receiving a gift is not about the gift.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I wouldn't use the term " emasculate."
This has happened to me several times in the past and we both return the gift and she chooses what she wants.

As a matter of fact it even happened _today!_

We were going up by my mom to spend the afternoon and drop off a gift as her Mother's Day gift.

I had purchased quite a few yards of Dupioni Silk for my mom as a gift because she loves to make soft furnishings etc. and she has expensive taste,lol.

Whilst signing the card and getting ready to leave, my wife told me she's going to give a wristwatch I had bought for her last year , as a gift , to my mom. She asked me if that was ok.
I knew that she didn't really like it because she said so, last year. I didn't bother to return it because, well I liked it and it is costly.
She never wore the watch , in fact it remained in the original leather bound case.
Well, I agreed. I told her its ok, no problem , give it to my mom, she loves wrist watches and accessories.

I did feel a little tinge of something, still can't identify it, but it wasn't
" emasculation."
Lots of times I buy gifts for her and she absolutely loves it.
So I just let that feeling go.
I was glad I did, because my mom was overjoyed at the ' gifts."


I think sometimes when i purchase gifts for my wife, I might purchase what I like for her and not necessarily what she likes.
Whenever i do this , its a 50 -50 chance that she would really like it. Whenever I purchase stuff I know she likes , I never have problems.
So I guess I sometimes set myself up for failure in that regard.
It does bother me a little when she doesn't like it,because I'm a little disappointed that I didn't please her.
But its not emasculating.


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

never had that problem either i get exactly what she asked for or she buys something herself and says its from me or i just give money and she can get what she wants


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well this is how it played out for us... I'm not the type to act a certain way if I don't feel it...not with my lover anyway ...friends/acquaintances -it's just different...
> 
> Faking it -doesn't go well for me...he'd be able to read me anyway....I'm a "feelings on the sleeve" type person ...I gotta be real...this really has no bearing on the THOUGHT...as this should always be appreciated... I am good here...cause really, no one has to buy us anything... a Gift is a *GIFT*.
> 
> ...


OMG, SA just said everything I would have said. Ditto ditto ditto....


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

You should be gracious AT THAT MOMENT. This is a special time. If you can fake an orgasm, you can fake gratitude. 

The next day or so, you address returning the gift.

BUT if you are a passive aggressive finicky giftee, you would personally drive me crazy. That is a person who continues to say they don't need a gift...but sulk if they don't get one. And perfectionism (oh...you got me THAT!) and like Deejo, cold day in hell.

I know...I know...don't I care enough to be able to read your mind, figure out something without clues AND find it at an incredible price? Some women feel this way...but then you find a $10 'perfect gift' and it's like you are the Second Coming. Weird.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I would notice but it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I would probably do a better job next year. Might even ask for hints. This assumes there's no passive agressive stuff going on. If she honestly didn't like it then I'd try again next year.


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

ocotillo said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> This entire description could be rewritten with the genders reversed and it would describe my wife.
> 
> I'd never hurt her feelings by being ungrateful.


But if you keep the gift (even though it's not your style), won't you hurt the giver's feelings when you never wear it?


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

JCD said:


> You should be gracious AT THAT MOMENT. This is a special time. *If you can fake an orgasm, you can fake gratitude. *



People fake orgasms?


----------



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Laila619 said:


> ...if your wife wants to return a gift you picked out for you? Does this hurt your feelings, or would you rather she return it if she doesn't like it? If she does return it, does it make you more gun shy to pick out gifts for her in the future?
> 
> I once read in a relationship advice book that a wife should smile and pretend to like ANY gift her husband lovingly picked out for her, even if she secretly doesn't like it. Returning gifts emasculates him and hurts his feelings. True or no? Thanks guys.


Well - once, twice, I am fine with it. But if it's all the time, it really make me think why should I bother at all.

That leads to less presents, not to more of the type you like - just so you know.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Laila619 said:


> ...if your wife wants to return a gift you picked out for you?


That's why I just give her money. 

Flowers or other little things sometimes, but for any significant amount cash is better.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

aug said:


> People fake orgasms?


Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Whether or not to be upset that your partner returns a give would depend on why they returned it.

In the past my wife has returned / exchanged unopened gifts that I have got for her (lingerie in the wrong size / tickets to a show she did not want to see etc) but that was more about me learning how to tell what is was she wanted / needed. That was hard for me as I am not very good on picking up on hints. Now I know to check the sizes of the stuff in the laundry basket rather than the wardrobe and ask my daughters advice about her music preferences.
A gift certificate for a spa treatment is my wife’s current favorite. 

N.B. Giving cash if pointless for us as we have a joint account.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

aug said:


> People fake orgasms?


See!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


:lol::rofl:


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This is a pretty easy way to get on the gift card only list.


----------



## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

It doesn't hurt my feelings whatsoever if a significant other of mine wants to return a gift. I know full well I may not pick out the right gift and I'd rather she return it than my money be wasted. And I usually tell them up front that I will not be offended if they take it back for something more them.

Us guys are just stupid that way when it comes to picking out the right gift....sometimes.


----------



## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Laila619 said:


> ...if your wife wants to return a gift you picked out for you? Does this hurt your feelings, or would you rather she return it if she doesn't like it? If she does return it, does it make you more gun shy to pick out gifts for her in the future?
> 
> I once read in a relationship advice book that a wife should smile and pretend to like ANY gift her husband lovingly picked out for her, even if she secretly doesn't like it. Returning gifts emasculates him and hurts his feelings. True or no? Thanks guys.


If your husband has made a real effort to get you something that he genuinely thinks you will like, then of course it will hurt his feelings a bit if you don't like it. 

If you only return things very occasionally, it should not be a big deal. But if you do it consistently, you need to be prepared for him to just start giving you gift certificates.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

What's the point of returning a gift from your spouse? I guess I can see from an aunt/uncle etc. No matter what you get in exchange it doesn't come with the thoughts or efforts of the person you love. You're basically losing the true value of the gift. JMO


----------



## TryingandFrustrated (Nov 7, 2012)

I don't have a problem if she wants to return a gift I got her for another if she didn't like it or wanted something else instead. I DO and did have a problem when she returned something I got from her and I didn't know she was returning it for something else and found out about it when scanning in receipts. That bothered me because she didn't even let me know how she felt about the gift.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Laila619 said:


> But if you keep the gift (even though it's not your style), won't you hurt the giver's feelings when you never wear it?


I would agree that there's no difference between that and returning it.


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Thanks for weighing in, gents. I've enjoyed reading your posts.

What I got out of this is that it's okay to return some things, but do it VERY infrequently and tell him gently. If the gift is passable although not quite my style, keep it, use it, and show lots of appreciation anyway.


----------

