# Absolutely irate!



## bossesgirl26 (Jun 19, 2011)

My husband ended his 5week affair about a week and half ago. He blocked her on FB and blocked her number on his cell phone. We have started MC and both have verbalized our committment to R, etc. Well, I just went on his email because I haven't been getting the emails from my son's teacher, and he sent her an email tonight!!!! The email basically stated that he felt he never got to say his peace and that he wanted her to know that even though she thinks he is a liar, he meant and felt everything he told her at the time. (as far as loving her, wanting to be with her forever, etc) He also said his plan had been to stop the sexual contact with her, and just see/talk to her to determine if he really loved her or it was just lust. But everything blew up on both ends and "they never really got the chance." What the hell?????? He also apologized to her for hurting her and said that under different circumstances they could have been happy together forever. He also told her how beautiful she is, how great of a mom she is and how she deserves nothing but the best in life. And he signed the damn email "love,xx" What am I supposed to think of this?? I am very mad and hurt. Am I overreacting???? He is a firefighter and on shift, so can't contact now. What should I do????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's a liar and wants to play you both.

You have every right to be irate. I would print that email....have it for yourself to show him when he gets home.

It's not right.


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## Cypress (May 26, 2011)

He is leaving the door open for further contact.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Hard to say this to a woman, but you need to man up. Ask him to leave until he can be in a relationship with one person. You need to be strong.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You could print off a copy, and play nice till your next MC session. Set him up with a question or statement about commitment to reconciling, and when he responds, drop the letter in his lap and ask him how that is supposed to help with the reconciliation.

C
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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

bossesgirl,

I made the same mistake myself and I am sure many people on this forum did too.

You trusted to soon. 

The affair has not ended and he is throwing out an invitation to continue...."they never got the chance."

I would be very cautious and verify everything he says or does.


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## Romeo_Holden (Sep 17, 2011)

he might be emotionally attached to this woman not necessarily in love, but infatuated enough to delude himself into thinking it is love. He is emotionally needy and that woman provides a stimulus for him. He never wanted to end it he just got caught thus now he is trying to make amends hoping to regain that stimulus. He does not know what he wants and he is going to manipulate you (and her) in order to satisfy himself don't blow up in his face or go crazy. when he gets home and you have time confront him, show him the proof and simply tell him that you are worth more than that and that you WILL leave him. I would advise separating from him for a bit if possible so that he gets the message. The reason he contacted her again was because he never truly feared the loss of his relationship with you. Once he realizes that he could actually lose you for real he won't be able to delude himself into his emotional bullshi t. This is what you ought to do. You will see i am right if you do it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

He blatantly violated NC, and he still wants her. Have you exposed him?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

that_girl said:


> He's a liar and wants to play you both.
> 
> You have every right to be irate. I would print that email....have it for yourself to show him when he gets home..


Do this. Print it out and show it to him when he gets home. Say "What's this?" Remain calm and listen to him spew and try to explain his way out of it. Then tell him to leave. That he's not welcome in the marital home and that you refuse to live in an open marriage so he can Get the fvck out
Be firm. Tell him this is not negotiable. And then expose the affair. To her husband or partner if she has one and her family. Do this without giving him or her ANY warning so they don't have time to get their stories straight. The key is to remain calm.
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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Expose her first before confronting him, do the whole shebang, her work, her family her friends . Don't mess around , tell his parents and if you have children old enough tell them as well . This guy is playing you and her , take all the monies you can into a secure account, be hard and unrelenting. If he chooses to apologise and commit to you after this incident , he hand writes a letter of nc to her, he hand writes a letter to your parents , his parents and hers apologising for his adultery. 

Be firm in these boundaries and don't waver .
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Now is not the time to offer him more chances even if that's your end goal. You need to tell him you are done and she can have him...that you deserve better than this. BE FIRM!
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## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

Outrageous. Kick him to the curb!!!


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

bossesgirl26 said:


> My husband ended his 5week affair about a week and half ago. He blocked her on FB and blocked her number on his cell phone. We have started MC and both have verbalized our committment to R, etc. Well, I just went on his email because I haven't been getting the emails from my son's teacher, and he sent her an email tonight!!!! The email basically stated that he felt he never got to say his peace and that he wanted her to know that even though she thinks he is a liar, he meant and felt everything he told her at the time. (as far as loving her, wanting to be with her forever, etc) He also said his plan had been to stop the sexual contact with her, and just see/talk to her to determine if he really loved her or it was just lust. But everything blew up on both ends and "they never really got the chance." What the hell?????? He also apologized to her for hurting her and said that under different circumstances they could have been happy together forever. He also told her how beautiful she is, how great of a mom she is and how she deserves nothing but the best in life. And he signed the damn email "love,xx" What am I supposed to think of this?? I am very mad and hurt. Am I overreacting???? He is a firefighter and on shift, so can't contact now. What should I do????


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Oh my....I am in a very similar situation....I feel for you....we are together 8 years...found out about the OW a month ago...I work out of town...traveling therapsit....my H spoke with OW 2 weeks ago...lied about the phone numbers and text message numbers I found....I don't know what to do....he's been addicted to porn for years and now this.....I feel for you...we don't have children....I want to expose the affair but he says no it would destroy her reputation. She's a worship leader in a church of all things......He has written a book on the Holy Tabernacle of the Most High while having the affair....just unbelievable these men.....I am on the fence still...Am I a fool? It is very hard to make a decision when you truly love your spouce......very hard.....


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

onthefence16 said:


> Oh my....I am in a very similar situation....I feel for you....we are together 8 years...found out about the OW a month ago...I work out of town...traveling therapsit....my H spoke with OW 2 weeks ago...lied about the phone numbers and text message numbers I found....I don't know what to do....he's been addicted to porn for years and now this.....I feel for you...we don't have children....I want to expose the affair but he says no it would destroy her reputation. She's a worship leader in a church of all things......He has written a book on the Holy Tabernacle of the Most High while having the affair....just unbelievable these men.....I am on the fence still...Am I a fool? It is very hard to make a decision when you truly love your spouce......very hard.....



You are trying to see the best in them , they however do not care about you . Absolutely expose her adultery and his , neither should be ashamed of this and if they are such good souls they will both ask for forgiveness . Exposure for them is an oppotunity to practice honesty. There is to be no contact for life if your marriage is to have any hope of recovery.
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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

onthefence16 said:


> Oh my....I am in a very similar situation....I feel for you....we are together 8 years...found out about the OW a month ago...I work out of town...traveling therapsit....my H spoke with OW 2 weeks ago...lied about the phone numbers and text message numbers I found....I don't know what to do....he's been addicted to porn for years and now this.....I feel for you...we don't have children....I want to expose the affair but he says no it would destroy her reputation. She's a worship leader in a church of all things......He has written a book on the Holy Tabernacle of the Most High while having the affair....just unbelievable these men.....I am on the fence still...Am I a fool? It is very hard to make a decision when you truly love your spouce......very hard.....


See the responses to the other post you made.

Maybe you should start your own thread so the comments may be directed to you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Did OW reply?

Expose this and confront OW.


Inform her that you are aware of the last email and will be confronting your H when his shift is over, and exposing this A if she doesn't respect the marriage and continues to contact your H.

Do not engage her with anything other then the fact that you plan on exposing the A, the OW will want to tell you alkinds of crap and do not respond, just finish the conversation with how it bagan, you know about the last email and you plan to expose the adultous relationship.

The point to this is to make the old affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable to restart, by confronting the OW you smart enough to validate your H commitment, by exposing it to other by asking for there support in the marriage.


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Contact her AND confront him. He is apologizing for being a "liar" to her, there may be more to this then you know. Confront her woman to woman. Then considering your situation decide if its a marriage you are willing to work through (he must be committed as well) or be prepared to move forward.


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