# went to mc, going away 4 wend



## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Hi there,

We went to marriage councelling and it was really heavy, went over all of the hard times in detail.. The guy was really nice and I guess it went well. But afterward, I had anziety in my belly and needed a drink bad. We had a bottle of wine and a meal and talked about the session. He stayed over, no s, but this mporning I was really tetchy and on edge. I guess it was too much contact. But last night it was really nice to cuddle in bed. 

Questions:

1) Is that feeling normal? Am I being horrible feeling like that? What does that mean?
2) My sister has invited me to go to the snow with her, her hubby, and their friend. He is single and has openly said he is attracted to me to my sisters h. He is really good looking and quite a bit younger than me. I don't know if I could deal with that pressure.

Jody was saying 'oh he is so single now', and I'm like, ok, I've gotta go, I'll talk to you tonight. Should I go?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Spoke to my sister and she was like, don't be silly, he just thinks you are a 'bit of alright', it doesn't mean that anything needs to happen or that he'll make you feel anything... maybe I'll go.

I know I must sound just horrible, and it makes me feel horrible. I'm in two minds. I know we could work itout, and I want it to work out, but then I just re-coil. A councillor once said that if I was having doubts b4 we got married then that is just what it is, and you can't create love, but we did love each other once.

I am killing him and it isn't fair on him. I feel like I need to make a decision.


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Why must we torture ourselves so.

Please dont feel horrible. Theres nothing wrong with you, its just that its a rather *massive* decision you have to make and you are being smart about it. You've not rushing yourself either way. Its the right thing to do.

You were probably edgy because you odviously do care alot about him. You're worried about leading him on and hurting yourself all over again too.

I guess its couldnt hurt to go out. See how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable, have yourself an out if necessary. Nothing has to happen unless you want it too. It might be best if nothing does happen s I think you still arent ready to decide yet.

I think you're really lonely too, and I feel for ya. Its not fair, but its life.

Take care.

M.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Thanks M,

I am really lonely and it is a massive decision and most importantly, I am frightened as hell of making another go of it, it falling apart and having to go throgh hell all over again. You're right.

Thanks so much for being there. I'm not ready to decide. And I'm not ready to spend too muchtime together.

Chat soon,

S


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

No problem, you have no idea what a help you have been to me.

I guess all you can do is let him know your fears, and hope it doesnt hurt him too bad.

The deep heartache of lonelyness will make you do silly. Just be careful, for your own sake.

I realize now that I have been terribly lonely as well for years. I chose to ingore it for my marriage, but I cant anymore. Hopefully, it will somewhat pass soon.

Enjoy your weekend away. Take some time for yourself. You seem like a really compassionate and loving woman. Dont beat yourself up and let it consume you.

M.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Over it,

Just remember you've got to be happy for yourself. I imagine it is hard to let your guard down. Has the H been changing for the good over a period of time now? As you know I've got edginess all the time being still "together" while the w and I work through our issues. It does put a strain on things. I just never know what to do for sure. Don't want to push, but don't want to back off either.

As Dark said take is slow. Let the H keep proving himself to you. As our counselor has told me - it takes time.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Hey FA, can I call you that? and M,

He has. But He is so desperate it hurts. He's doing really well and his boss who went through a similar thing and got back together with his wife (2 kids now) is trying to get me to come into the restaurant for dinner--sounds like a really sweet boss.

He has been changing for about 2.5 months. But, yeah, he needs to prove himself. Whenever I back away, he's like 'I undersand, I understand' but it 's not good. I told my sister that he is my favourite person but.. see above. She then asked: "Well why isn't he home?' That put a spanner in my dialogue for sure.

Anyway, I'm going to go away for a ski--I haven't been for 6 years. Have to hire equipment its been that long. Never thought I'd do that!

It'll be fun to see all my old freinds who live up there. And have a drink and breathe in the country air.

FA- I find the best times I have with my H is just when we chat and have a laugh, a drink, a meal. Maybe go out for dinner if it fits into the budget. Just casual. Tell her you'd like to go out just as friends. Its been good for us. Because after all, she is your best friend, even if the rest of the relationship is a mess.

How are you doing M? What's the update?


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Hi S!

Good to see your excited.

I had a good day yesterday. Work went well and I didnt feel like just giving together.

Had a good jam session with my friends that eve. Sounded much better than last week cause I actually got into it. I even had a few laughs.

Today I'm falling back abit again, but its not horrible. its usually at night when the shadows gather in the corners that my mind runs into trouble. I'll try my best tough.

Im getting *really really really* sick of the whole panic thing. Its just constant now from the moment I wake up, till I *finally* fall asleep. Might have to go to see the Doc soon.

I'll be seeing her tomorrow when I go see the kids, so I know tomorrow night will be a tough one. I cant hide though, I gotta see my kids.

I'm just sort of waiting to see when she will say something. I'm going have to have to confront he about some things that need doing soon and Im not looking forward to it.

I guess that in the end I'll be alright, but the road seems awful long.

Take Care

M


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Hey M,

Sleeping is hard in the initial sages.... even now I wake up really easily when I used to sleep like a log.

Try laying down in bed and breathing in for 10, out for 12... sometimes it takes awhile, but it works and calms down your heart rate when you are stressed out.

I've also been getting up at 6 and going for a long walk befire work-- helps allot.

Chat soon,

S


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