# Considering divorce what actions should I take ?



## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

Hello ,
I am waiting until after the holidays to talk separation and divorce . We have everything that is financial together , we both make 6 figure salaries and he took care of financials ever sense we got married . My question is where do I start ? I want to be ready in case it goes south .


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

First thing is to tell the lawyer exactly what you just told us. Professional advice is worth what you pay. The advice on this forum is free and also worth what you pay 🤣

This forum is best used as a tool to get ideas to bring to your lawyer for legal stuff and ways to interact with you soon to be ex to best your position and resolve.


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

Lolati11 said:


> Hello ,
> I am waiting until after the holidays to talk separation and divorce . We have everything that is financial together , we both make 6 figure salaries and he took care of financials ever sense we got married . My question is where do I start ? I want to be ready in case it goes south .


Start by scheduling free consultations with a few divorce attorneys. Take a good friend with you for moral support, if you feel the need to. Have c a notebook with questions you want to ask with you, and ask your questions. You can do online research to figure out what questions to ask in your situation. Take notes so you will be able to refer back to them when choosing who will represent you. When you find axlawyer that you trust to represent you fairly in the divorce, hire them.

Keep your notes private, especially until you see how yout STBX, is doing to respond kind. Treat your divorce like a business deal, and try to leave the emotions out of it.

Sorry you're going through a divorce. It's a hard place to be.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Start with lists.

Pros & Cons -- staying together v getting divorced It's the old Ann Landers question : are you better off with him or without him?

Think about what changes you would need to stay. Consider MC. Perhaps line up a few potential therapists.

Take stock of all your assets. Write everything down & think about what would be an equitable split.

Think about where you want to live. Begin looking at housing options in your area & make a budget so you will know what you need to live. 

Start speaking to attorneys about the costs & the time lines.

When you understand your own desires, pick a time to speak to your STBX


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Lolati11 said:


> Hello ,
> I am waiting until after the holidays to talk separation and divorce . We have everything that is financial together , we both make 6 figure salaries and he took care of financials ever sense we got married . My question is where do I start ? I want to be ready in case it goes south .


Not possible to give you advice without filling us in with the whole story.
Why are you considering getting a divorce?
Does your husband know you want to separate and divorce or will you drop the bomb on him after the holidays?
How long have you been married and your ages?
The reason I am asking and why this is important because the circumstances that lead to a divorce can result in a divorce court leaning more favorably for one partner or the other.
For example if cheating is involved or lack of sex, drink, drug or gambling addictions or domestic mental or physical abuse, are their young children in the marriage and so on?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Why do you want to divorce. Like GamePoly asked ?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If he has been handling the finances, you need to get copies of all paperwork and access to all accounts. Now is the time to go through everything to make sure both of you have full access.

Have the two of you talked about what the problems are and sought solutions?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

I re-read your past few threads. Looks like you are 42 now and no step kids in the house any more. Also sounds like you've been in a dead bedroom. I am very sorry that you've been dealing with this for so long. I too dealt with a dead bedroom for a VERY long time. You have a lot of life left and you should enjoy your time alone or with a partner that truly appreciates having you. 

I just went through all of this a few months ago. My suggestion? Keep everything as amicable as possible. Start separating your finances now. Be cordial. Swallow your pride if you have to. Do what your lawyer says. 

Divorce can cost a crap ton of money or it can cost very little. I was able to divorce my exwife for $2500. Uncontested is the way to go if at all possible.


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## Lolati11 (Nov 29, 2017)

gameopoly5 said:


> Not possible to give you advice without filling us in with the whole story.
> Why are you considering getting a divorce?
> Does your husband know you want to separate and divorce or will you drop the bomb on him after the holidays?
> How long have you been married and your ages?
> ...


I am 42 him 59 . I still love him with all my heart , the last 5 years have been rough mainly because he focused on being a dad and forgot to be a husband . Don’t get me wrong I supported him being a dad but his son is 27 now . He needs to fly solo . Our sex life is and had been gone . He has no medical issues as I made sure he went to get checked , I am just not a priority . I had many talks and while he promises to do better he never does . So that’s my back sorry


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