# My hubby's an idiot



## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

Well I know it's a harsh thing to say but I'm so mad at him right now.He's a teacher and he lost his afternoon shift coz he told me that he'd been showing up to work in the afternoon late coz he doesn't wanna do this kind of work anymore. His school is slow at the moment so for now he's laid off till the summer. He's looking for work.Anyways, he wants a career change and he's tried to look for work everywhere but still no luck. I keep asking him what he wants to do 'career wise' and his answer is always I don't know. This makes me so mad coz he's so unfocused and he needs to support a fam. of 4. The reason that I want his answer what he wants to do is so he can focus gaining some experience for a specific field and maybe take some courses too. But he can't even answer my question. He said that in the meantime he'll just accept whatever jobs he can find. I told him that in 5 yrs we will still be like this him working just here and there gonna be earning less than 20/hr$ if he's not focused and have no career in mind. I just want to shake/slap him to wake up and understand where I'm coming from. He said that he doesn't wanna talk about it and that I can't force him to think of something. I just want to cry. I gave him lots of ideas already what he can do but still nothing from him. I don't know what to do anymore. 
Thanks.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bunnybear said:


> He said that he doesn't wanna talk about it and that I can't force him to think of something.


well, you actually can force him if you earn the money now. if your money goes to a separate account and he has no money, he'll start to reconsider quitting. if he has to spend what he earns on helping to pay for rent/mortgage, food, etc then he might be more motivated to get a better paying job. 

but you might not want to be that person that has to force your man to work. it will cause a lot of fighting and probably turn things into a parent-child relationship.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He can't be. I am and he's never at the meetings.


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

HE has to support a family of four? Sorry if I sound like I'm assuming here, but does that mean YOU don't earn money OP? If that's the case, maybe you should go and get a job yourself! If that's NOT the case and I misread...well maybe you should realise that your hubby has his own needs and life as well as your family's financial needs. It sounds like he's a bit lost and needs support. Maybe some career counselling would help. I mean I know you have to eat, but he needs to be happy with his job too. I'd say help him rather than blaming him. And maybe you can figure out how to contribute more financially too (so offense but your post reads very 'me me me'...I really dislike that attitude, especially with relying on others for money...go make some money yourself if you're not happy!).


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

Xena said:


> HE has to support a family of four? Sorry if I sound like I'm assuming here, but does that mean YOU don't earn money OP? If that's the case, maybe you should go and get a job yourself! If that's NOT the case and I misread...well maybe you should realise that your hubby has his own needs and life as well as your family's financial needs. It sounds like he's a bit lost and needs support. Maybe some career counselling would help. I mean I know you have to eat, but he needs to be happy with his job too. I'd say help him rather than blaming him. And maybe you can figure out how to contribute more financially too (so offense but your post reads very 'me me me'...I really dislike that attitude, especially with relying on others for money...go make some money yourself if you're not happy!).


Thanks for all the replies.
The reason that I'm not working at the moment is because I just had a baby last month. I have 2 babies and I need to stay at home and take care of them. I don't think my hubby to be a stay at home dad and take care of the babies while I work.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Don't be so mean on your husband going through a hard time give him time and space its only 6 months hopefully he will get back will state benefits not provide till then?


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## b28 (Mar 31, 2011)

I completely understand why you are feeling so frustrated and upset. My husband has made poor decisions in regards to money which caused us alot of financial problems and he has had alot of bad luck with jobs the past few years. We also have a four children so I know how hard it is to make it. I used to work full time,but I wasnt making any money after daycare and gas so now I'm a stayat home mom. When I was on maternity leave with our youngest, I didn't get paid. When you have a family you do whatever you can to support them even if it means working a job you hate. Not to bash your hubby or anything, but to me it's very irresponsible to show up to work b/c you dont like it knowing there are 5 people at home relying on you. In regards to unreal's suggestion of state benefits, yes they help alot -especially the food stamps.Unemployment checks also help but doesnt go very far when you have a mortgage/rent payment, car payments, car/renter/homeowner insurance, gasoline, loan payments,etc so with no income, it is still a huge struggle. Again I understand how you are feeling, hang in there


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## maddiesmommy (Mar 31, 2011)

unreal said:


> Don't be so mean on your husband going through a hard time give him time and space its only 6 months hopefully he will get back will state benefits not provide till then?


He needs to get a job and take care of his family instead of relying on the government. Yes his family needs assistance and that's what it's there for, however it's not 'help' because he chooses not to work.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

This is a toughie because I know it's almost impossible to get men to do something they don't want to do themselves. My husband has done some foolish things with money and it's cost us dearly. I let him fail on purpose because I refused to be his mom. I just sat back and let him figure it out. And yes he mucked it up pretty bad (I'm a homemaker too). But eventually consequences taught him things I could never teach him. Sure I got punished too but the lessons he's learned were well worth it.

Had we gotten in worse straights I would have had no qualms getting a job myself and kicking him to the curb until he was ready to man up and provide.


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

Thanks for all the replies. He's back to being responsible again. He's now working at a college and a university which is a much better career choice for him!


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## sdesruiss (Mar 16, 2011)

Wow, congrates Bunny. I'm glad things are looking up for you. Maybe now that he is working with some higher level education, it will promote more inspiration in him. All the best.


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

bunnybear said:


> Thanks for all the replies.
> The reason that I'm not working at the moment is because I just had a baby last month. I have 2 babies and I need to stay at home and take care of them. I don't think my hubby to be a stay at home dad and take care of the babies while I work.


Congrats on the babies--- that is wonderful! There's no better job than being a mother, I believe :smthumbup: However, if you can possible have a better chance of getting a better job then I think you have the responsibility to your family of 4 to do so. 

This is not an easy choice: I've always seen myself as a SAHM after I get married and have kids. However, if my situation with my fiance doesn't get to a certain point of where he can get into the teaching profession (I am currently a teacher and he's attempting to finish up college to become a teacher too) then I know I will be the one who will be working full-time and he will be taking care of the kids. My family comes first and if I'm a better supporter of my family through financial means, then that's what I'm going to have to do.

Perhaps one of the ways you could help inspire him in his current profession is by finding ways to help him improve what he does. Teaching is HARD and thank-less. I need motivation every day to keep doing what I do and I've wanted to be a teacher since I was a little girl. I suggest having him reach out to other teachers and perhaps that could cheer him up and allow him to want to do what he's doing. If he enjoys online discussions, I'm a member at a wonderful teacher forum: A to Z Teacher Stuff Forums - Teacher discussion forums to chat and interact with other educators - Share ideas, inspiration, and have fun! Also if he simply hates his location, he should really look into teaching at a different school. After student teaching in public school, I knew it wasn't for me and I used this one company (for free) to get a WONDERFUL job at a private school. Encourage your husband as you can, focus on what he does well and remind him that what he does every day really DOES matter.


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