# MC says wives affair are always Husbands fault?



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

We have been looking to get back into counseling for the both of us.The counseler we used for our individual issues was pretty good,nood so good for MC.My wife went to make a new appointment and counseler told her that when a wife cheats its always the husbands fault.WTF? He only wants to see me for a 12 week program cash only,before my insurance was fine,needless to say we are looking for another counseler.Always the mans fault? Thats not what he told me before.Any thoughts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

calvin said:


> We have been looking to get back into counseling for the both of us.The counseler we used for our individual issues was pretty good,nood so good for MC.My wife went to make a new appointment and counseler told her that when a wife cheats its always the husbands fault.WTF? He only wants to see me for a 12 week program cash only,before my insurance was fine,needless to say we are looking for another counseler.Always the mans fault? Thats not what he told me before.Any thoughts
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I didn't know the circus was in town. This MC is a clown.


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

The counselor sounds like an idiot. Just like anything, just because they are professionals or have a license doesn't mean they can't be wrong or we should listen blindly.

If this were my counselor, they wouldn't be getting a cent from me.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Wow. Are you sure she heard right? I can't see any counselor actually saying that!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Moron alert. Find a counselor that will hold both pairs of feet to the fire. You and CSS are each 50% responsible for the state of the marriage before and after the affair. 

C, find a counselor who specializes in PTSD. Might be a bit hard to find one but that is what you need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Any thoughts? Sure. My thought is USE ANY OTHER COUNSELOR. What a jackass.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yes he said it.He told me a couple months ago how sorry he felt for me and how bad my wife was.He did say that marriage issues were 50-50 that was awhile ago,now it is all my fault she had a EA...oh please
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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

"Always" is always too strong qualifier when we're talking about people's relationships. It's not math.

Maybe he just likes your wife more out of you two


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

And to think we were going to go see him again.When he had us alone he pretty much bad mouthed the other spouse quite a bit
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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

You should ask to see his qualifications then laugh


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

He just launched a web page where you can review his performance and rate him think I'll do that after work today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Somebody has to graduate at the bottom of the class.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

That counselor is an asshat. Find one that specializes in infidelity.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

I've read that women tend to cheat for emotional reasons, not physical reasons. In theory how a man treats his wife is within his control, as opposed to other factors that aren't within the betrayed spouse's control (like appearance, for instance). Perhaps that's what he meant.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Ask him if he minds repeating his professional opinion on tape. 

You should also suggest he include that on his web page.

That would be interesting.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

isla, you can't control other person's emotions, it's something they should have hold on themselves. You can't make your spouse happy if they don't care about you much. Whatever the reason for cheating there is it's the issue in the twisted mind of the cheater.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Ask him if he minds repeating his professional opinion on tape.
> 
> You should also suggest he include that on his web page.
> 
> That would be interesting.


:rofl::rofl::rofl: I agree find a new one My wife had me up against 2 female counselors and herself at first I felt I was in a hopeless situation as I was the one that had an affair within weeks they all loved me face your fears j/k


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

The counselor was great during IC but he really sucked at MC,he told me what I wanted to hear when I was alone with him,same thing for her.Just like she went to set up the appointment today on the phone he told her its always the mans fault and he wanted me to enroll in a mens only program...ok,how does that work for the both of us?..Cha-Ching! i$ what I hear.Walking talking infomercial. He'd only make things worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

He wants Calvin to go to a mens seminar for 12 weeks for $25 a session twice a week before he will consider seeing us again..he says the way men are these days it's no wonder women are having affairs! I disagreed with him. Crazy!
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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh and he said he will only take cash. I tried talking to him about our R and he sounded like he didn't think it would last. Gee wiz I guess a mens seminar is supposed to fix everything? I asked if he had anyone he could reccommend and of course he don't..he was always whishy washy..btw he is single..go figure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Hey you guysshow the hell do I LIKE someones reply post? Yeah,yeah yuck it up


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.........NO and NO. Thats 100% on her. And that counselor got his license in a cracker jack box.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Run...

One MC (Who later became my screwed up WW's IC) said something similiar... My response: "So I can control who my wife loves and doesn't love? Even people I no idea existed?" I refused to go back. Oh... and in the same session she said me playing computer was just as bad of a betrayal.. I seriously lost it and raged on her.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Well, he's right, because women are never selfish, abusive, narcissitic, bi-polar, borderline, or otherwise mentally ill.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

calvin,
he may make for a great IC,but it sounds to me hes more about "sales" time are getting tough and even counselers need cash.
I think hes telling the both of what you want to hear so the business keeps coming in.

What kind of car does he drive, hows the office space?

Our MC, works out of a old house in the middle of an industrial park. I haven't seen a car in her parking lot worth more than 20 k..if it was new.

My point is counselor aren't in it for the dough, but yours seems to need the cash and will tell you what you and/or WW want to hear for what it worth.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Somebody has to graduate at the bottom of the class.


lol


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I do counseling professionally. I find it unethical to do IC and MC with the same person. I do not do MC but my fellow counselors who do MC would find this highly unethical. Not that it is never done, but for me (and this is my world) it makes no sense. You need a more neutral person in MC.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

He lives in a nice nieghborhood close to us,says he walks to the office,not a bad office,kinda nice.Him and his twin brothers operate out of same space with two different offices,sounds little creepy in a way but he now will only take on MC if the man goes through a 12 week program at $250 a month,even told my wife me and her were the inspiration for this "program"...ugh.
We will find the right counselor soon. I know we all need to earn a living but....Starving artist,starving counselors?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> Somebody has to graduate at the bottom of the class.


And some of them need to be duly flunked out of psych school, too!


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## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Ask him if he minds repeating his professional opinion on tape.
> 
> You should also suggest he include that on his web page.
> 
> That would be interesting.


Agreed, better yet put it on his biz card and front window


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

calvin said:


> We have been looking to get back into counseling for the both of us.The counseler we used for our individual issues was pretty good,nood so good for MC.My wife went to make a new appointment and counseler told her that when a wife cheats its always the husbands fault.WTF? He only wants to see me for a 12 week program cash only,before my insurance was fine,needless to say we are looking for another counseler.Always the mans fault? Thats not what he told me before.Any thoughts
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So he told you this to your face? You heard him say it with your ears first hand?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Calvin, He's just saying what he knows your wife wants to hear. Maybe he plans on hitting on her eventually once he can spot your weak spots and you will end up footing the bill to the tune of 250 per month.
I'd recommend dumping his services and if your wife can't see it your way, then moving in another direction might be your best choice.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

wow.. like you held a gun to her head and said cheat or die!! WTF is wrong with that MC.. she made a bad choice

isla~mama- I've read that women tend to cheat for emotional reasons, not physical reasons. In theory how a man treats his wife is within his control, as opposed to other factors that aren't within the betrayed spouse's control (like appearance, for instance). Perhaps that's what he meant.) 
I agree with above.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Found this from *Does Couples Counseling Really Work?*.




> *Couples Counseling*
> 
> *S*= Suspends positive solutions from happening
> *U*= Undermines understanding of the person you married
> ...


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Your MC is a quack. >.> Any counselor who doesn't believe in personal accountability is not a counselor worth listening to.


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## librarydragon (Aug 20, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

enough of the MC guy. let's focus on what's important your love for yourself,wife and relationship. she f up ok we know. and seems like you are willing to forgive her. ok so now lets fix the problem. find a new MC dig through the issues of why she needed to do this. why do you forgive her. can you trust her. are you to blame in anyway. oh yeah its going to be tough but just focus on the real issue, don't deflect on the problem


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

There is one undeniably positive thing in this situation: your wife pointed out the problem with the counselor on her own, even though he was sided with her. This is a good sign.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yes Snap,a very good thing indeed,thanks Morituri,very useful info,no we are never going back to this guys again,think he is a quack
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

This is likely your wife distorting what the couselor said.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

No,I believe her,why in the hell would he want me to go to a 12 week program with other men and pay cash when last time my insurance was fine.BTW,when we first used him moths ago he did tell me he tends to take the womans side,for our IC he did an ok job but the MC sessions we had with him were'nt productive at all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

morituri said:


> Found this from *Does Couples Counseling Really Work?*.


Are you a retired counselor, because your post absolutely speaks volumes!


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Sounds like what you'd always hear on the afternoon talk shows. When the woman cheats, her husband wasn't giving her something she needed in the relationship. When the man cheats, he's just a low-life DIRTY DOG.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Are you a retired counselor, because your post absolutely speaks volumes!


No.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I have to say that after all the frigging MC horror stories I've heard there's no way in hell I'd ever let one of these Kantian idiots near my marriage.
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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lots of things are men's fault- WWII for instance


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> lots of things are men's fault- WWII for instance


*"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."*

Edmund Burke


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

calvin said:


> No,I believe her,why in the hell would he want me to go to a 12 week program with other men and pay cash when last time my insurance was fine.BTW,when we first used him moths ago he did tell me he tends to take the womans side,for our IC he did an ok job but the MC sessions we had with him were'nt productive at all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, that was a pretty big red flag. MCs are not there to take sides. If you ever hear that again, walk out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Have any of you had a counselor that says there is a male and female in every person and that you need to get in touch with that male or female side??....in other words he kept saying Calvin needs to meet his female needs in order to be a good man. This counselor even said his female in him's name is Wendy and he knows that because of his dreams.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> Have any of you had a counselor that says there is a male and female in every person and that you need to get in touch with that male or female side??....in other words he kept saying Calvin needs to meet his female needs in order to be a good man. This counselor even said his female in him's name is Wendy and he knows that because of his dreams.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh God, you're kidding. I thought that type of psychotherapy went out of vogue in the 70's. Was this guy wearing a nehru jacket too?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The only female calvin has inside of him is YOU.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yeah,he acctually called my inner woman calvina....ugh
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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

calvin said:


> Yeah,he acctually called my inner woman calvina....ugh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry but....hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :rofl:

You should have called his inner therapist Daffy.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

yeah,yeah yuck it up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Sadly it's been hard to find anyone that's taking new patients..still trying to find someone tho..calling him was a last resort..after that convo not interested..making it all sound like it's the man's fault..I mean really ?? We need someone that will hold us both accountable and tweak us so we never fall in a rut again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

calvin said:


> yeah,yeah yuck it up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry. But this is the craziest thing I've heard in a while. How in heavens name did you keep a straight face...or keep from decking him? I would have been looking for the secret cameras.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> Sadly it's been hard to find anyone that's taking new patients..still trying to find someone tho..calling him was a last resort..after that convo not interested..making it all sound like it's the man's fault..I mean really ?? We need someone that will hold us both accountable and tweak us so we never fall in a rut again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keep looking. All I can say is from reading both your and Calvin's posts you guys are on the right track. The biggest things are that he is not rugsweeping and you aren't asking him to. That's huge. As long as you both continue communicating and working on the marriage you should keep making progress until you find another counselor.


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