# How common is name calling during marital arguments



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

My wife is harping on 'name calling' during our years. OK maybe once in a blue moon, during one of those loud arguments, but there is no way it is even close to being rampant.

I'd imagine the "man your such an idiot" or why are you being so "*****y" must happen frequently enough in marriages. But my wife uses the occasional, not even that frequent name calls as an excuse for our demise.....and her extra marital affair.
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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

That's a "no-go" at my house. No hitting and no name-calling. I don't even participate in shouting. We can argue like adults or we won't argue.


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

I never name called during arguments. Since finding about husbands cheating he has started calling me names in arguments whereas he never did before because I dont believe we really argued before. One he came up with since Dday was him calling me a "man-hater". 

Childish really.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I think the depth of name calling really speaks volumes to the amount of respect held for that person, which is manifested in many more ways than the name-calling (which I'd imagine is actually your/her issue) -- the name-calling isn't really the issue, but a great way to tell what the issue is... just my 2 cents.


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## lucas.allen17 (May 11, 2011)

i agree with u.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> That's a "no-go" at my house. No hitting and no name-calling. I don't even participate in shouting. We can argue like adults or we won't argue.


I agree with unbelievable. We have the same rules here. In fact, my exbfs never engaged in that either. If a dispute gets too heated, we take a break before things get too out of hand.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

2Xloser Wow you said something I had not realized. Thinking about the names I have been called has given me an inside to when and what my Cheating H was feeling. For instance being called a "biting sow" was a real burner and now is an eye opener. Time to think about some others. Plus there is the frequent "I haven't loved you since _____. That one ranks up there with the name calling because he is trying to hurt me. His admission.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Name calling is for people who don't know how to properly express their emotions...like children. It has no place in an adult relationship.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife curses me out in three languages. It's not as sexy as it sounds.


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## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

I would agree that name calling is not appropriate in a loving relationship. My question is how common is it?
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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

During marital arguments its not acceptable. On the cusp of finding out your wife has just committed infidelity its still not acceptable but understandable.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that its never ok and illustrates that the person doesn't know how else to express how they feel. So the key is why are they name calling and how often?
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## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

How about on rare occasion throughout a 16 year relationship. I'm alsovtalkimgconly minor insults w one or two rate exceptions.
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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

pjbap said:


> How about on rare occasion throughout a 16 year relationship. I'm alsovtalkimgconly minor insults w one or two rate exceptions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope, it's not acceptable. You and your wife need counseling to learn healthy communication skills and name calling isn't part of it. Treat your wife how you want to be treated. Affair? Are you fulfilling your wife's needs? Name calling is a sign of immaturity and while you call her names, other men she meets are calling her nice things like sweetheart and beautiful. Now why on earth would she run away from sweetheart to come be called b****? Maybe she has done it to you, but I won't ask who threw the first stone. It seems clear that you are looking for permission to call names at least on occasion. Here is the best advice I can give you on that, besides what I already said; You call her b**** even one time, she may wonder if that's how you really feel each day. Let's be real. You aren't even that disrespectful to your coworkers, but you think it's okay to disrespect the most important person in your life like that? No way! I'd say you are driving her to the arms of a guy who will treat her with respect. You want a happy healthy marriage? Then begin with working on yourself at being the best husband you can be. Often when you put positive energy into the relationship, the other person follows suit.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

How common? Oh, it may be common with people filing for divorce.


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## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

Candice, yeah, of course a name call is not respectful. But it occurs way more often in marital arguments than you would think.

A name said in the "heat" of an argument, when the other is in your face is a "defense mechanism". Its part of the fight and flight response. If a person called another "his and that" constantly, every day, every argument, that is another story. But a little slip up....in the course of a long term relationship...OK, YES that should be worked on, (Which we had vowed to work on) but there is something called "forgiveness".

Just because I on occassion (Somewhat rare) called my wife mostly mild names over scatterered argument over a 16 year history DOES NOT excuse my wife from gaslightling, cheating, lying and betraying my family. Let me guess Candice, you are an adulterer?

Hey, my wife called me "a d-ck", and "an idiot" relatively recently. I would NEVER use that as an excuse to emotionally puruse and screw somebody else, and destroy my family.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

pjbap said:


> Candice, yeah, of course a name call is not respectful. But it occurs way more often in marital arguments than you would think.
> 
> A name said in the "heat" of an argument, when the other is in your face is a "defense mechanism". Its part of the fight and flight response. If a person called another "his and that" constantly, every day, every argument, that is another story. But a little slip up....in the course of a long term relationship...OK, YES that should be worked on, (Which we had vowed to work on) but there is something called "forgiveness".
> 
> ...


I thought you were looking for advice? You sound really angry. Again, I think counseling would be best. 

Adulterer? Nope, never in my life. Again, my husband and I do not stoop to name calling to have such problems. 

I feel you are angry, because you want permission to name call. Sorry, won't have it! 

A


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