# I need help



## ozzy0206 (Feb 5, 2007)

Today I was on the internet and found my husband on a web site looking for some fun that his wife won't give. He claims that it was when we were fighting but he has been signed up since Sept of last year. Now I'm finding he is actually looking for some to have sexual relations. I honestly don't know waht to do. He has lied to me before and that is what the fight was about to begin with. I honestly thought I could trust him but know I just don't know. To find this is so unbelievable hurtful. I honestly never thought my husband would do anything like this and now he has. How do I not know he hasn't done anything behind my back. He claims he messed up and he was sorry but how do I know he's not gonna do it again. I really need some help here.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

ozzy,

Thanks for posting on our forum. I'm sorry no one's responded yet, but keep checking back. Talk About Marriage is very new (I started it last week) so it may take a while for the community to get large enough to get immediate feedback to our posts. This is a normal "growing pain" for website bulletin boards. I wish you the best in finding the answers you're seeking.

Chris


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## sweetpea (Jan 30, 2007)

Dear ozzy,

I am sorry it has taken so long for someone to respond on your thread. 

I was pondering your situation last night, and I thought about what I would do if my husband was seeking companionship outside our marriage. I believe that men and women seek outside their relationship (usually) because something is missing from their present relationship. I am not saying that you have done something wrong to cause this situation but some element in the relationship is not working. This is not your fault! I recommend that you seek a therapist in your area to work this through with. It would be nice for your husband to seek therapy along with you but he may resist the idea. The benefits of you seeking a therapist are for you and your marriage. Meeting with a therapist will provide you an opportunity to discuss your feelings about the lack of trust you have in your husband and hopefully the ability to decide what is the best for you and your marriage. It would be difficult for me to believe in my husband if he had a history of lying or misrepresenting the truth and I would have conflicting emotions on whether to trust him. 
Relationships are so complex, and only you can decide what it best for you and what you can live with.
Let me know what you decide.

Jen


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## DrMarty (Feb 8, 2007)

*Re: Hard times ahead*

HI I'm Dr.Marty
I'm a marriage counselor. I mention this so you know where I'm coming from.
I’m sure when you discovered him you had a whole bunch of upsetting feelings. Maybe you felt anger, disgust, hurt or a combination of those feelings and more.Even though you are upset let’s take this as a wake-up call that there are some difficulties disappointments in the relationship. 



In my 6 years in dealing with husbands and couples who are having trouble with dealing with internet pornography, I found the place to start to run a balance between relating to your feelings and your husband not feeling attacked. If he is attacked he will withdraw, counter attack, or go “underground with his viewing. To make progress, we have to learn more information. Try talking with him to understand what is and is not going on with him. There’s a lot more because of the sensitive nature of this issue, but that’s a starting point. 
I'm interested in your response, Take care
Dr.Marty

WWW.YourMarriageCounselor.com
[email protected]


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## ScattyKatty (Sep 11, 2013)

*Re: Re: I need help*

Damaged goods is the same as describing a damaged item/object (therefore to use the term for a person is to objectify that person). Objects and items are owned. Hence why to refer to someone as damaged goods is as good as referring to her as damaged property. 

Quote from online dictionary 
Damaged goods : Item/s that were expected to be in good (if not brand new) condition, but were discovered eventually that they weren't.

Perhaps this is a case of cross pond mistranslation but I hope I've made myself a bit clearer. 

Personally if my husband referred to be as marital 'goods' I think we'd need to seriously reevaluate what he thinks my role in the marriage was.


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## onestepatatime (Oct 23, 2013)

Him doing that is a "symptom" of something else. Something is missing from the marriage. Communication is what you need!


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## Wild Mustang (Oct 26, 2013)

This post is originally from 2007.


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