# How do you handle adult kid events when you truly hate your ex?



## Jim455 (May 3, 2013)

I filed a year and a half ago. Pushing now to finalize the divorce of a marginal 20+ year marriage. 

STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing. I have my family’s business and assets. Stupidly, no prenup. Despite her uber-religiousness (extremely Catholic), she is positioning to nail me (i.e. steal) for half of everything. (FWIW, I’m in PA) I’m OK with her taking half the marital assets but she is also going after my parents assets (now mine due to life complications years ago - so, yea, that's marital now too) which were meant for their security when they need to go into an assisted living arrangement. They are in their mid 80’s and not in good health. (do they have any legal recourse?)

The magnitude of anger and hatred I have towards her is beyond anything I’ve ever thought possible. (to be very clear, I have no intentions of acting on that anger. I’m not that stupid. I have the responsibility of the kids and my parents to think about)

The thing is, I truly want my STBXW out of my life. 

The thought of coming face to face with her makes me want to throw up. The kids and I endured years of emotional abuse. No cheating. Nothing physical. Just emotional. People with some authority have stated that she is Borderline, Munchausen’s by Proxy among other things. Serious psych stuff that pushed our son ("the proxy") to the point of suicide.

Both of our kids are now college age. Our son has sworn off marriage (famous last words, right?...). Our daughter is bound to marry her HS BF, though no time soon. I truly *want* to walk my daughter down the aisle. 

Thinking this through, the only time can I foresee coming face to face with my STBXW (or her family) is at our kid’s weddings and when grandkids start to show up.


My question is.....

What do you do when kid events occur and you are forced to face your ex and her/his family? 

What did you do? How did you do it? How did you survive the event?

This is really stressing me. Any insights would be *greatly* appreciated.

--Jim


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

You do it step by step.

First, get through the divorce. Spend a few years recovering. By the time it comes to marriage and grandkids, distance may have dulled the pain.

Don't borrow theoretical worry from the distant future. Focus on what you have to get through right now.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What you do is bite your tongue. If you want to walk your daughter down the aisle the remember that she's the star of the show and your the supporting cast and the last thing you want to do is have this blow out on such an important day for your daughter.

Second thing is this. You hired a lawyer to go to battle for you. You paid him/her good money to do just that so let them be your weapon and listen to what they say. It's their job.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I don't hate my X anymore, but boy can I relate to what you feel. 

I still can't be in the same room with him, and we legally separated January of '04, and divorced a year and 6 months later. 


First real disaster was daughter's graduation. I went with her friends and boy friend. He went with our son. Thank God there were like 2,500 people so I didn't see him. After graduation, I went with daughter and her friends to celebrate at a restaurant. She was going later to another restaurant to celebrate with dad. That was the first big thing we both had to go to and it didn't go all that well. Daughter was upset with me because she was tired and didn't want to go with her dad. She yelled at me in front of all her friends, and called me selfish, blah, blah, blah ( very nasty as she is bipolar and can get extremely angry very fast).

We planned it this way weeks in advance. I told daughter that I was going and that son wanted to go with dad because he didn't want dad to feel lonely. Daughter came up with the restaurant celebrations and then was pissed at me so I had no idea this upset her as much as it did until she flew off the handle so to speak the day of. 

So the next big event was grand daughters christianing (my DDs first born). This went a lot better. Dad went to the religious ceremony since he is Catholic. I went to the party afterwards. All was good.

We now take turns going to different activities in our kids and grand kids life. It's all good and my kids don't fuss because they have to change or make extra plans.

They fought my boundary of not being able to be in the same room as dad. They wanted me to suck it up and not cause anyone discomfort (dad didn't have any issues cuz he was the leaver and had detached from me ions ago, I still trigger). Well I couldn't, the stress and emotional triggers caused me way too much pain. 

If your STBX wife is able to stand being close to you, please be prepared to to have your kids fuss about accommodating your boundaries. They truly don't understand how detrimental this is to the left behind. They will though, just give them time and stick to what You need to stay emotionally stable.

Hope this helps,

Bibi


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## Jim455 (May 3, 2013)

Wow, I love TAM. You guys are great!

I know this is a road well traveled. Being fresh to this, I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the hypothetical “what if’s” that are bound to pop up down the road. I’m trying hard now to keep conversations with the kids about “mom” to a minimum without being obvious. I don’t bring her up. Whenever they do I keep it as supportive or neutral as I can. It’s a tough thing for the kids and I to navigate at this stage though it’s certainly improving. I am pretty laid back and tolerant by nature (hence the 20+ yrs marriage), so all of this really well beyond my comfort zone.

These days I’m enjoying going home to a peaceful house. I’m actually reading books again! Whoohoo! 

I do get some comfort whenever I speak with my lawyers and through the written communications going on between them and opposing counsel. They are certainly my pit bulls. It’s the unknown that really gets to me. I know it’s something I just have to endure.

Biting my tongue should not be a problem. It’s whether or not my STBXW’s family can do the same. They are pretty fractured due to their own dysfunction but I hope that they don’t try to start anything. I’d like to think that my behavior throughout the years carries some weight. Even my MIL said over the years that I was “the son she should have had”. (I now recognize that as a judgmental swipe against my BIL...) We got along great. But, of course, there has been no contact since I filed. I’m sure they didn’t see this coming.

I suspect the kids will respect my boundaries since they have their own grievances with their mother. My hope is that their mother will learn to behave knowing that her relationship with her kids is on the line. If she keeps her distance, or better yet “behaves” and ends up being reasonable throughout the divorce proceedings, the kids and I should do ok.

This is going to take a long time to digest....


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've never understood the anger @ the ex. They're ex, you're finally free. You can say and do whatever you like. But as a practical tip I can suggest one thing. In lieu of buying each other out of shared assets like a going concern, if there is any way to break them up into separate corporations or LLCs then that might be the way to go. My estranged and I are doing that. I didn't want to go into debt to buy out her share and I didn't want a partner. So we broke up the assets into separate entities that have nothing to do, legally or taxwise with each other. She can run her piece or pay someone to or who cares?


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## anewstart60 (Sep 24, 2015)

JIM455
I totally get what you are saying. I was married just shy of 24 yrs and I suddenly left the marriage. I have not spoken to my ex in 17 months, not one word. There were some uncomfortable texts and emails at first but nothing in over a year.
I have a son in university and he will graduate in and he will graduate in 3 years and even after all that time (will be 4 years by then) I'm not sure how she will handle seeing me.I have told the kids that if I had to leave a function for them I would if she started a scene, I've told them I would do whatever was in my power to make sure they weren't embarrassed.
I may be jumping the gun here and by then she may be totally fine but my gut tells me otherwise. I really would like to be able to see each other at these functions and be civil to one another but I guess I'll have to wait and see.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My kids are only 14 and (almost) 13 and I already stress about these things - graduations, weddings, babies. So, I totally get where you are coming from. I at least have more time to let things smooth over and detach, but as of right now we don't even go to my son's soccer games at the same time. A few weeks ago he showed up at my house unannounced with months worth of cash in child support and other money he owed me and demanded I come outside and talk to him about it--through our daughter and then texts--(when I refused to accept cash because I'm self employed and want an electronic for large deposits, especially the child support!). I wouldn't go out and talk to him. I do not want to be in his presence at all. Unfortunately that led to hours of nasty texts about how I'm an immature B (among other things). 

About your parents' money....it's pretty low if she's going after that money that you were, in essence, keeping for safe-keeping for them. You don't say how or why that is, but I think you should really try to secure at least that part of the money if you legally can!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Don't stress about what you don't know will or won't happen. While I really dislike having to see, meet or be around my ex for any reason, especially during the most contentious periods of our divorce, I was always polite because I feel better about ME for having taken the high road. I've been to school plays/programs and elementary/middle school graduations and school open houses with him present and we just deal. It's about the kids. 

You'll want to walk your daughter down the isle and she won't want to leave her mother out no matter what their issues are. Be a shining example for her and hold your head up knowing you did.

I'm sure you've been talking to a good attorney about the other issues - just do all you can to preserve your parent's assets. If she takes that, then that's on her. Don't let it eat you up because if you do, then she gets something else from you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've been to school plays/programs and elementary/middle school graduations and school open houses with him present and we just deal. It's about the kids.


You are like my sister, that would be so cool if I could be that way, but I can't. I don't make a scene, but I am an emotional wreck for too long a time to not want to protect myself. 

@SecondTime'Round you posted: 
[/QUOTE]"A few weeks ago he showed up at my house unannounced with months worth of cash in child support and other money he owed me and demanded I come outside and talk to him about it--through our daughter and then texts--(when I refused to accept cash because I'm self employed and want an electronic for large deposits, especially the child support!). I wouldn't go out and talk to him. I do not want to be in his presence at all. Unfortunately that led to hours of nasty texts about how I'm an immature B (among other things)".[/QUOTE] 

I can sooo relate. My lawyer made sure he didn't do any of this stuff again by filing a restraining order against him. No phone calls or texts either. Just business emails and CCd to my attorney for a while. 

About 4 months ago son came to visit and was attending a wedding for a dear friend of his. Dad wanted to go with him so son agreed. I was having dinner with son and he overheard my voice through the phone as I was giving son directions to the church the wedding was going to be held. I could hear my X pissed and telling son that my directions better be accurate, quickest route, yada, yada, yada. When son hung up I said, can you understand why I still can't be in the same room with your dad? He said, "Yeah mom, I always knew why".

OP, you need to do what you need to do to keep the peace in times where you are there for your kids and try to prevent disasters that will ruin your children's events.

You can only control YOU.

Bibi


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Jim455 
-I was hell bent that I wasn't going to give my ex anything that I didn't have to and threw myself into my case. I went through my states laws and came up with things my divorce attorney hadn't considered and later used. Hang tough!! You will never regret it.


Robin Williams once said in the midst of divorce everyone considers at least once.....murder!


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

I can relate somewhat, too. My ex is just an angry woman. She was/is mad that I left her, yes, but it goes beyond that. I've tried being civil - invited her to my daughter's birthday dinner because I took her to a place the ex liked, etc. That went OK, but she always finds something to try to argue about. So last week, we both go to my youngest daughter's volleyball game. I sit away from them - her parents were there. My oldest daughter wants me to sit by her, so I do. My girlfriend and her kids were also there. It was frosty, to say the least. My girlfriend's kids were asking why they were getting dirty looks - they are 11 and 14! My GF introduced herself, and you could just tell the ex wanted nothing to do with it. We've been divorced for almost 2 years. The GF said she didn't want to do that again. Not because of her - she can handle herself just fine. But because she knew how uncomfortable MY kids were with the experience. After the game, I talked to my youngest, who said "Mom's just an unreasonably angry woman", which was surprising to me because she usually defends just about anything her mom does.

Good luck with your divorce. Hope things turn out as best as they can.

DPR


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## Jim455 (May 3, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm sure you've been talking to a good attorney about the other issues - just do all you can to preserve your parent's assets. If she takes that, then that's on her. Don't let it eat you up because if you do, then she gets something else from you.


That is so well put. I have not hit that point yet. It's eating me up like crazy. What divorce means to the family unit, the kids especially, the extended family, the long term ramifications... There are times when it takes everything I have to maintain my sanity. It feels like my whole family is on death row hoping for the governor to commute our sentence. I don't express the magnitude of what's going on in my head to anyone (except my sister, she's been truly great.) but, of course, my parents and kids are very perceptive and know enough about the realities of divorce to know what is going on. 

I am grateful that things lately have been "radio silence". The only recent face to face was when our son needed his picture taken and she demanded to be there. Definite trust issues. Son wasn't happy, even snipped at her a few times when she tried to direct the photo shoot. I maintained neutrality. Got the job done. The sooner we were done, the sooner we could leave... (and, yes, he was gorgeous...:grin2



Runs like Dog said:


> I've never understood the anger @ the ex. They're ex, you're finally free.


In a marital/family dynamic where there was hostility and abuse, especially when it's directed at the kids, add to that attacking assets that are really not marital (though, legally, they supposedly are) which will effect the future of the extended family (especially my parents) as well as the kids, feigning ignorance/innocence/refusing to take any responsibility through it all, my inability/failure to resolve this throughout the years via MC, IC, even our son had multiple therapists (at the end we had 3 therapists going at the same time...), and finally to face the fact that if I successfully refi everything, I will be paying her off for the rest of my life..... I can't imagine anyone not being colossally angry. Oh, and yes, she views herself as so pious....

I can't wait for this to be done and her to be gone from my life.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

You wrote, "STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing. I have my family’s business and assets." That's a strange statement. You had a 20 year marriage with children, not a 3 year second marriage. 

First, her lawyer is probably behind a good part of this. Divorce lawyers come in two groups, nasty and nastier. They are difficult, nasty, self-centered, and belligerent, but are constantly accused of being week, overly accomodating and pushed or paid off by the other side. I think you have to develop some realistic expectation and forget about this she was nothing until she came with me belief. 

One suspects this is the typical acrimonious divorce. Your lawyer fully agrees that she came with nothing and should be more than happy with a small portion of assets, while hers has a full list and both bill the crap out of the available assets. Please be as a skeptical of your own lawyer's motives as you are of hers. 

It would be helpful to post about the cause of the divorce. Is she angry at you and taking that out in the property division or is there another agenda. I can't talk about the law but no one wants a lawyer who isn't trying to get anything that is possible.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I never discussed my marriage with children and I never will. A) it's none of their business, B) they will never understand, C) they can't be put in the middle of it, D) if that means they have a distorted view of me, so be it. I love them for free whatever the consequences.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Bobby5000 said:


> You wrote, "STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing. I have my family’s business and assets." That's a strange statement. You had a 20 year marriage with children, not a 3 year second marriage.
> 
> First, her lawyer is probably behind a good part of this. Divorce lawyers come in two groups, nasty and nastier. They are difficult, nasty, self-centered, and belligerent, but are constantly accused of being week, overly accomodating and pushed or paid off by the other side. I think you have to develop some realistic expectation and forget about this she was nothing until she came with me belief.
> 
> ...


I get his point - he's happy to split what THEY accumulated 50/50 but since he recently acquired a large piece (maybe all?) of the family business where his parents' intention was for him to manage it and their finances for them in their old age, now she's going to get half of something that HE wasn't even going to get half of as it was intended for the care of his parents and, had they stayed married, that's exactly where it would be going.

We're kind of going through that with my Mom since Dad passed. Instead of giving me her assets, she merely put me on as signor on all accounts and gave me POA and 'right of survivorship' on everything to make handling her finances (and my handicapped sister's) simple during that transition period after she passes or becomes incapacitated.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I get his point - he's happy to split what THEY accumulated 50/50 but since he recently acquired a large piece (maybe all?) of the family business where his parents' intention was for him to manage it and their finances for them in their old age, now she's going to get half of something that HE wasn't even going to get half of as it was intended for the care of his parents and, had they stayed married, that's exactly where it would be going.
> 
> We're kind of going through that with my Mom since Dad passed. Instead of giving me her assets, she merely put me on as signor on all accounts and gave me POA and 'right of survivorship' on everything to make handling her finances (and my handicapped sister's) simple during that transition period after she passes or becomes incapacitated.


Just be aware that POA terminates upon Mom's death or incapacity and isn't a substitute for a will, but the right of survivorship is gold in a bank account.

And OP, your anger will likely subside with time. And you might be surprised at your ex. I was worried about what would happen at my DD graduation this past spring and how my ex would behave. He never showed up.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Bobby5000 said:


> You wrote, "STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing. I have my family’s business and assets." That's a strange statement. You had a 20 year marriage with children, not a 3 year second marriage.
> 
> First, her lawyer is probably behind a good part of this. Divorce lawyers come in two groups, nasty and nastier. They are difficult, nasty, self-centered, and belligerent, but are constantly accused of being week, overly accomodating and pushed or paid off by the other side. I think you have to develop some realistic expectation and forget about this she was nothing until she came with me belief.
> 
> ...


I didn't like that comment either, women invest a lot in terms of time, sacrificed careers, child rearing, domestic duties, etc, all of which is not earning a salary but would cost you a bomb if you had to pay someone else to do it. The OP obviously agreed to that arrangement too.
So yes, the OP's views are a little skewed, she should be entitled to her fair share, he didn't accumulate wealth totally single handedly. Having said that the anger he has is understandable if the OP and kids suffered extreme emotional abuse, but based on the first few sentences, I am beginning to wonder, there are always two sides to every story.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It seems like everyone is focusing on this:



Jim455 said:


> *STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing*. I have my family’s business and assets. Stupidly, no prenup. Despite her uber-religiousness (extremely Catholic), she is positioning to nail me (i.e. steal) for half of everything. (FWIW, I’m in PA)


And not this:



Jim455 said:


> *I’m OK with her taking half the marital assets but she is also going after my parents assets (now mine due to life complications *years ago - so, yea, that's marital now too) which were meant for their security when they need to go into an assisted living arrangement. They are in their mid 80’s and not in good health. (do they have any legal recourse?)


He's not minimizing her contribution as a SAHM for 20 years. He's languishing over the fact he has to split his FAMILY'S business/wealth that he was entrusted with to help handle his parent's lives in their golden years. It angers him that after years of abuse, she is leaving this marriage with part of his parent's assets, not just half of their assets.

It's a good point for those even in a happy marriage. It's a good idea to talk with someone about estate planning.


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## Jim455 (May 3, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> It seems like everyone is focusing on this:
> 
> >>STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing. I have my family’s business and assets. Stupidly, no prenup....
> 
> ...


Thanks for reemphasizing that. That point gets so easily lost (and people so easily jump to conclusions) considering the many horror stories of SAHM's finding themselves in a divorce situation with minimal/no viable career to support themselves. I'd like to think that in this day and age there are far less in this position than in the past. I'm proud of the fact that my daughter is in college pursuing a viable career and has no problem taking charge and breaking a sweat. She will not need to depend on anyone.

Fortunately my STBXW has a solid career in medical. She is probably better off than I am considering her overhead (beyond rent, living expenses and a car lease payment) is close to zero. I would imagine her stress levels are greatly reduced since she no longer has daily responsibility dealing with the kids or a STBXH that she has been essentially cohabitating with all these years.



EnjoliWoman said:


> It's a good point for those even in a happy marriage. It's a good idea to talk with someone about estate planning.


I've been pondering these days the state of marriage, estate planning and protecting family assets. Unless a couple come from similar economic backgrounds, there is the potential for a "land grab" when assets start changing hands and things go bad in the marriage. 

At this point my motives for thinking about this are with regards to my kids and their future spouses. Current avenues of protection, aside from a solid prenup, seem real inadequate. And I imagine prenups are still viewed unfavorably by the spouse that does not have assets. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why the marriage rates these days are supposedly at their lowest point in history. 

I (like my parents now) would hate to see my life work get passed off to my kids only to see history repeat itself and have it stolen by their future XH/W who had zero involvement or appreciation for it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My son's getting married early next summer:

Plan A: Hope he will no-show since that's his pattern for nearly 100% of son's life.

Plan B: (Plan A seems to be failing, he showed up to meet the future bride and her family, suspect due to venue of wedding and location of bride's parent's primary address and vacation home address.) Ask to bring same-sex long time friend to 3-day wedding event who has been through this before with her own daughter at a similar event and knows more about my son's early life than his dad does.

Plan C: (Plan B cannot be accommodated, due to various 'logical' and financial reasons, I suspect...). Explain to kids I have extreme anxiety and cannot expose myself to 3 days of former abuser who kicked the **** out of me with no regard for his then 11-month-old son who was behind me at the time in a corner of an elevator - no escape. Tell son he's an adult and he's entitled to a relationship with his dad who may have changed since then, but that I am also entitled to decide that I'm good with not going to the wedding. (Planned at a time when I may need to move, my younger kids are not yet done with their school year, just finishing, and will incur $$$ for me just to attend - clothing for myself, kids, gas, extra expense of meals, gifts, etc.) On top of that I would be the only person at the event single, and would have my younger kids there, who are in the wedding, need to supervise them while everyone else is partying at various events, they are not providing any activities specifically for my kids and it would not be cool for us to take off mountain biking, hiking, geocaching... Tell him kids cannot go or be in wedding since it's an unsuitable venue for them to be at alone (for three days, and missing school...son once complained the one time his dad booked him a ticket to see him, he made reservations that he had to miss a day of school at the end of the year and would not budge on changing it!)

Plan D: Bring a partner...son says they (meaning him, his fiancé, his fiancé's family) would have needed to meet and 'approve' of whomever it is that I would be bringing by this point in time (meaning now) and the window is closed on that. Yup, son basically has said that he thinks I would bring some undesirable to his wedding. Yet, his dad would be there. His dad also hit a bicyclist with an SUV and kept on moving...so I'm not taking him beating the crap out of me too personally (or any of the other behavior he directed to me). I just don't want to be hanging all weekend making 'nice nice' with son's dad just to fulfill son's fantasy of perfect wedding with perfect wife with perfect family in his perfect venue. 

Plan E: Do something fun for myself and my kids. Hope it rains on older son's wedding because he's basically being a pr*ck. When I explained about honoring my feelings and not risking my sanity by being exposed to his dad, he pandered to me and said that this is always a bad time of year for me and next month I'll feel different. Ummmm, I've been feeling this way about this one person for 25 years, I took a baby and 1K and my work papers and fled halfway across the world to get away from him. Yah, next month I'll feel way different. 

My advice: honor your feelings. Let adults (even if they are your kids) deal with the fallout. You don't owe them anything more than what you gave them bringing them up. My son asked me in advance for some of the wedding gift I promised him. I thought that was really tacky. I gave him the money and it was a stretch at the time, then I noticed he was doing things that indicated he wasn't as stretched as I thought... I decided not to give him any more money as a gift, I did my bit, did not even get a thank you card for that from either of them. So it makes playing a 'role' at his 'event' easier to dismiss from my list of things I 'need' to do as a parent. Beyond that, I've gifted him twice the same amount (when he totaled his car and just because, once) and no thank you note, etc. So, I'm good. 

I'm guessing an act of nature like a hail storm or a hurricane is going to grace his wedding. It will be a good lesson for him....stop being such a control freak.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

Wait... what? Your son's wedding is close to a year away, and it's too late for your son to approve whoever you might want to bring to his wedding? And his bride-to-be's family would have to approve, too? Who are you given the chance to approve? I don't think I like your son very much, sorry.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> My son's getting married early
> 
> My advice: honor your feelings. Let adults (even if they are your kids) deal with the fallout. You don't owe them anything more than what you gave them bringing them up. My son asked me in advance for some of the wedding gift I promised him. I thought that was really tacky. I gave him the money and it was a stretch at the time, then I noticed he was doing things that indicated he wasn't as stretched as I thought... I decided not to give him any more money as a gift, I did my bit, did not even get a thank you card for that from either of them. So it makes playing a 'role' at his 'event' easier to dismiss from my list of things I 'need' to do as a parent. Beyond that, I've gifted him twice the same amount (when he totaled his car and just because, once) and no thank you note, etc.





Boy, can I relate. It was hard getting mine to honor my feelings and need for sanity. Kids can't empathize with what they have not experienced I guess. I hope mine never have too. 

I'm sorry your boy is so controlling. My daughter is bipolar. Their personality flaws (for lack of a better term) cause stress in their relationships for sure.

((((momma Hugs))))

Bibi


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bibi, you need to grow up a bit. C'mon you're an adult now.

Listen very carefully. They have this stuff that you can slip into someone's drink that makes them throw up.

So next time there is an event your x is at just put a double dose into his Coke or coffee then stand back and watch.

After you've done this about three events he won't come anymore. Problem solved.


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