# I find it a struggle to talk about sex....someone teach me!!!!!



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

I'm way too old to be posting this, but I'm desperate to do all I can to improve (maybe save?) our relationship. One thing I should have done; have tried & so far failed; is learn to 'talk naughty', say when I fancy a tumble, tell him what's good etc. How on earth do you start learning as a mature adult? I mean slowly slowly catchee monkey type stuff - I'm not exactly a 'into the bedroom stud I want your ****' type woman:lol:
I can count the times I've actually initiated sex on one hand, for example. I always sound like I'm conducting a committee meeting rather than telling my partner how he strokes me best:scratchhead:


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## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

what exactly are you wanting to learn?


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Option 1. Walk to where he is in your bra an panties and sit on his lap. That's all he will need to get the "clue". 

Option 2. Walk to where he is and whisper in his ear "meet me in the bedroom in 5 minutes". Then go to your bedroom, take off your clothes and wait.

At first you don't need to be imaginative and it WILL feel weird. You may probably feel uncomfortable at first, and that's okay. Just will yourself through it. As you do it more often, it will become second nature for you!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

and then call my wife and tell her it really does work

seriously, just seem interested and willing, lead him on a bit. act like your really horny, he will catch on quick


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Read books about sex, and more books. They even sell books about talking dirty, I bought a couple. I sucked at all of this for 20 yrs of my marraige -till I hit my 40's , never too late. 

The more you read, the more comfortable you will be "talking" about it, and trying all the new things you just read about. Ask him sexual questions, he will be more than happy to answer! and Try.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Read books about sex, and more books. They even sell books about talking dirty, I bought a couple. I sucked at all of this for 20 yrs of my marraige -till I hit my 40's , never too late.
> 
> The more you read, the more comfortable you will be "talking" about it, and trying all the new things you just read about. Ask him sexual questions, he will be more than happy to answer! and Try.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Crypsys said:


> Option 1. Walk to where he is in your bra an panties and sit on his lap. That's all he will need to get the "clue".
> 
> Option 2. Walk to where he is and whisper in his ear "meet me in the bedroom in 5 minutes". Then go to your bedroom, take off your clothes and wait.
> 
> At first you don't need to be imaginative and it WILL feel weird. You may probably feel uncomfortable at first, and that's okay. Just will yourself through it. As you do it more often, it will become second nature for you!


You don't have to be brave enough to say anything  I used post it notes until I was brave enough !! Write a note and leave it where it can be found 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Strolling in in underwear & sitting on his lap? Nice idea but (a) I have weight self esteem issues (b) he isn't the most spontaneous person & although I guess this might change his attitude to spontaneity I'm not holding my breath (c) haven't got a (c) but I'm sure there is one!
Leaving post-it notes? Mmm.... maybe but even then I'd be struggling to construct a suitably fruity yet not dirty, subtle but not comatose, inviting but not tarty, kind of note. Any ideas?
I know, I just know this sounds really lame. It feels lame typing it. But if you're in my shoes the notion of desperately WANTING to be seen more interested in initiating yet positively petrified of getting it wrong... it's just the way I am/feel. OK yes maybe I can change myself but I sometimes think however much I want something, I'm a bit long in the tooth to alter my approach radically & not come across desperate!
The problems/issues we've had obviously contribute, but I'm not putting that up as an excuse - just some kind of reason that plays a part. 
Anyway he arrives this pm, got my matching undies on..... :awink:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

madimoff said:


> Strolling in in underwear & sitting on his lap? Nice idea but (a) I have weight self esteem issues (b) he isn't the most spontaneous person & although I guess this might change his attitude to spontaneity I'm not holding my breath (c) haven't got a (c) but I'm sure there is one!
> Leaving post-it notes? Mmm.... maybe but even then I'd be struggling to construct a suitably fruity yet not dirty, subtle but not comatose, inviting but not tarty, kind of note. Any ideas?
> I know, I just know this sounds really lame. It feels lame typing it. But if you're in my shoes the notion of desperately WANTING to be seen more interested in initiating yet positively petrified of getting it wrong... it's just the way I am/feel. OK yes maybe I can change myself but I sometimes think however much I want something, I'm a bit long in the tooth to alter my approach radically & not come across desperate!
> The problems/issues we've had obviously contribute, but I'm not putting that up as an excuse - just some kind of reason that plays a part.
> Anyway he arrives this pm, got my matching undies on..... :awink:


oh, did i mention being confident is a turn on too. a woman who is confident and wants to take her man, yeah


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

madimoff said:


> Anyway he arrives this pm, got my matching undies on..... :awink:


madimoff, you are so cute and really tickling me. You remind me of myself really. I didn't know what to do or what to say or how to do it or how to say either. I was probably worse than you. I just wanted him to gimme some LOL. It felt great to me in silence, and that was just fine with me. But, then he started saying things while we were making love. Usually, he was asking questions that I had to answer. Oh good grief! How do I answer? On top of that, having to answer and having to think of an answer was distracting to me. I felt suddenly we weren't making love, it actually wasn't happening as if we had stopped for those moments I had to search my brain. But we hadn't stopped. I was just caught in some state of suspended animation due to this annoying distraction of having to think of an answer for him. Usually, I replied with a "yes" or "uh huh," something quick so I could mentally go back to the sex feeling so good. hahahaha Now I'm tickling myself.

So after these couple times, I had to accept and face that he wanted me to talk to him during sex. This was a new concept for me, and he was a relatively new boyfriend. Although it was a new concept, I wasn't opposed. I just didn't know what to say. So, I thought it better to try to think it over now while not having sex than to continue the fiasco of having to try to come up with something during the act. What to say? How to say? are all I thought about for a while, then it occurred to me to think of what he likes to hear. That took me back to the questions he would ask. So the next time, I didn't give him a chance to ask. I took it upon myself to tell him. I still had not figured out HOW to say things but decided to just say them. I felt really awkward at first and had no idea how I sounded. I did conclude though that my awkwardness and how I sounded were much less important than him hearing me say the things he wanted to hear, especially since he couldn't have any idea how I felt when saying them. Because he is not me, the one in control of my faculties, he didn't know I felt awkward, so any attached embarrassment was all in my mind.

I was so glad I got over those humps because I couldn't believe how he responded. It was reeeeally great! Not only did he respond to me, but talking no longer felt a distraction. It soon became second nature adding to my own pleasure as well. And, soon enough, I no longer had to rely on those questions he would ask. I could freely express my own feelings and just tell him what I wanted him to know from my heart. This part has a lot to do with stroking a man's ego. This too is extremely important. He wanted to know he made me feel good, so I told him in every way that felt good. He wanted to know what made me feel good, so I'd ask him to do this or do that because he did it so well. I carried him with me throughout my day in the afterglow of our love making and reflected on what he liked, not just what he liked to hear. He liked getting me wet and spoke often of it. So, I'd call him at work and tell him how wet I was just thinking about last night. He liked me on top, so I'd call and say, "I wish I were on top of you right now." I hated being on top LOL, but he liked it so I used it. I used everything he liked. I used everything he liked to hear. It all started with the questions he asked. I took my clues from him.

Hope that helps a little.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

It helps a lot.... will re-read when feeling better. Have just had (are just having) a major argument about lights being left on, son's homework, OH falling on side of pool (all my fault for arguing about son's homework, apparently) etc etc & of course the old chestnut him throwing at me that if I say anything it means I don't want him here & of course that reinforces that he needn't be here because he has his own 'home' to go to... sorry have to rush, he's coming back upstairs. Thanks.


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