# another penis thread...



## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

ok i know this is a bit on the odd side of things, but i dont know where else to ask/vent...

i was having a discussion with my wife today about a lot of things. as some may know, shes currently in an affair and has moved out, but i have to see her when there's stuff involving our son. i've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we may not get back together and i'm moving on and really have amped up working on myself to help heal.

so i figure i might as well start asking all the questions i can, get all the things i want answered...
and as a guy i went there.
i asked about them and they're sessions, and other details pertaining to them.

i saw a joke they texted about size once, so i started there...and then my insecurities kicked in.

im of average length/girth (5.5in) and okay stamina.
she let me know hes bigger (8+) and that he can go for quite some time. though shes said shes not comfortable enough with him to do things or certain postions or acts (and may never be). 

as well my wife had never been a sexual person. she doesnt flirt. she doesnt initiate. i can bring it out of her, but its not first and foremost on her mind.shes not a size person either. but thats mostly because she hasnt had other men before me. and while weve watched porn together, shes never been one to comment on the "actors" manhoood


that said, for me sex has always been about the connection as well as the act. and weve been together since highschool (17yrs) so ive been her only partner for that time (except this time when we broke up for a few months, she dated a coworker whos was an asshat)

i guess what im dealing with is the obvious insecurites over the fact that he was bigger and could go longer (most of 2 sitcoms worth).

since weve been together most of the time, there is now something to compare me to. and that messing with my head. 
partly because i dont know if wed get back together and if we did, how do i handle these issues? 
she told me in the course of that conversation that its not important. that its never been her focus. but i cant help but not believe her because she has become such a liar during the affair, although her answers are consistant with the woman i once knew.

but i still cant stop thinking about it.this is one of the few areas that i cant change. i can deal with my behaviors and how we treaded each other and handled the marriage, but i cant make my penis bigger and can alter some stamina but i feel as if she may always compare .

any suggestions of how to get over it. or even if its important at all?
i know some women care and some don't so any advice/comments would be welcome.

thanks for letting me rant.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You really shouldn`t have gone there and she really shouldn`t have answered.

That`s all I`ve got...I dunno.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm with the camp that doesn't care. I love all of my husband, and I have sometimes thought that a big di*k would be hard to take in with BJ's, and might hurt bumping up against the cervix.

As for the stamina, my husband is great, but I don't think that would be a deal breaker unless he was a no foreplay, 3 minute guy. 

I compare this to breast size. Some guys like big ones, but others just want a woman that they are compatible with, and they love whatever size she is.

As you say, you can't change your size, so I would quit worrying about it.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

tacoma said:


> You really shouldn`t have gone there and she really shouldn`t have answered.
> 
> That`s all I`ve got...I dunno.



your right, but the cats outta the bag now.
its always been my biggest insecurity (now i know how women feel about victorias secret and all that stuff). the thing is she made me comfortable and special and secure and id figure id never have to worry for multiple reasons. 
now i feel as if im competing against im in an area i cant change. 

and then theres the whole if we dont get back together thing, if i start dating again, ill feel as if id be competing against exBFs.

thanks for the advice so far


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## symphonious (Sep 27, 2011)

Oh, dear.

Competing with ex boyfriends is not something you want to trouble yourself with.

Honestly, he is an EX boyfriend for a reason. 

From a female standpoint, if I started dating a new guy, there is some comparison to the exes of the past (usually the most recent) ONLY to judge if this new relationship is going to meet the needs that the old one didn't.

Case in point: I dated a guy once who, I swear to god, could've been an Abercrombie model. He was so beautiful, angels sang, right? He was built like a brick house and he was packing downstairs.

The next relationship I got into was with the man I eventually married. While my husband isn't -perfect- in some of the ways we interact (we're currently having trouble, he says he isn't attracted to me), we are FAR more compatible than I was with my ex. My husband is packing less downstairs, he's not buff at all, and compared to my ex, NO ONE is that pretty. Nonetheless, I love him for who he is and never once did I look at him and think that his equipment wasn't adequate.

Granted, some girls DO that, some of them place a very high importance on length/girth, but if that's what a new girlfriend turns out to be, maybe it's best to find a different one. Size isn't everything, it's how you make us feel good.

As for the situation with your wife- my husband had an emotional affair on me with a girl from work. Often, I think of the mean things they said about me and it does hurt, but we are still trying to work through it. The best thing I can tell you is to attribute her comments to a period of her life in which she wasn't herself, and if you do get back together, to try and put it behind you. It will probably always rub you the wrong way in that little voice in your head, but don't let it stop the progress of working things out if that's what you guys choose to do. If she's willing to work things out at a later date, she's obviously well aware of what you have and what you do with it, so she's obviously okay with that.

Good luck.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, elph, one possibility is also that your wife may have said the things she did to hurt you. What better way to do that, eh?

See, I think that women are much less concerned about the size of a man's penis than men are. I believe that studies seem to prove this out. Here's just one: Women don't care about penis size!

I recently read a book my husband brought home called "The Third Chimpanzee". In it the author's postulate that since studies have shown women are more attracted to men's faces, shoulders, and legs and the penis - eh, not so much - they theorize that penis size in humans is more of a display for other males (since humans don't need anywhere near the average size of penis they have in order to impregnate or pleasure a female.)

I DO know that anybody who really cares about you won't likely care one whit about the size of your penis as much as they care about how you use it and that you care about THEM.

Best wishes.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Since you have time to think about these things ... check this out:

My Penis And Everyone Else’s | Watch Free Documentary Online

There is some entertainment value here as well. Really. It is worth some laughs and is a tad educational.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, elph, one possibility is also that your wife may have said the things she did to hurt you. What better way to do that, eh?


That`s why I would never have gone there.

I`ve noticed a trend in my love life where my penis is always inadequate right after I break up with a girl.
Where before when I first started dating her I was a hung love machine.

It amazing how a girls perception changes like that.



Elph, don`t worry about it.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

what am i missing here? you have these types of discussions, or any discussions for that matter, with your wife who is having an affair with another man? why would you be talking to her?


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

ummm, i know...

the reality is i figured that its best that i move on, for one reason or another...

what lead to the discussion is that i was talking about when i move out of the house how im going to get a place back where we used to live (where she currently lives) and she got all weepy eyed. at this point i was asking questions because she had a talk with her girlfriend about a few things, who then brought it up to me...so i started asking questions. as well because shes so lost...

i pretty much told her i know its over and im moving on, but i want to know stuff so that i can heal...it started with quetions about thier dates (which ive been told are miserable..most of the time they go over to his moms house, which is 3 houses down from his place, where she cooks, yup...momas boy, big time)

and the direction went there because i had read all her texts from about 5 months....

and because im insecure...

also, she comes to me with this stuff...not the imtimacy sex stuff, but other things....even when i shoo her away...

so i started with the text that mentioned his size., she mentioned that it doenst make a difference to her, and that lasting longer isnt always a good thing...partly because she doesnt know if shes pleasing him (yeah i know right, like why are u telling me that part, but also because it starts to hurt...)
thats all consistant with what my wife has always thought, but again, shes never had anything to compare to.

so here i am trying to get over it a little...because really where else am i gonna go, and in part because im just weird. to me its better to know so that i can adjust one way or another...

suffice to say i ordered a whole bunch of books on amazon. and while my wife has never had complaints..now i feel as if id have to over compensate, or improve my technique.

that said, i also know that id have to step my game up in all other aspects of my life, romance, etc. and not just for my wife, but in general....if we get back to gether, then ill feel like i have to compete. and even if thats not the case, i still want to become better, so that she never has to think about him again...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think men care way more about penis size than women. Like its a d!ck swinging contest or something. With that said...stop worrying about her and how you measure up to the other guy. If she's still having an affair then all bets are off. I can assure you his junk isn't made of gold and how great can he be if he's picking up mrried chicks? I doubt he can last for two sitcoms and if did personally I wouldn't enjoy that. Ithere is such a thing as too freakin long and its not a turn on. Elph...there will always be guys with a bigger penis than you...taller than you...richer. and thinner than you. That's life. But the thing they don't have or aren't is you! So don't get down...unless its on the dancefloor.. you are worth more than this bullsht and deserve better mmmmkay?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## girlfromipanema (Aug 26, 2011)

elph said:


> and because im insecure...


Oh, elph. The above is the only thing you need to focus on. Don't worry about the size of your wife's OM's penis. Focus on rebuilding your confidence.

I promise that we (women) admire a confident and secure man with an average sized penis more than a jerk with an 8 incher.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

My wife says ...

"The fact that he lives with his mom automatically negates 6 inches of size in the mind of any woman worth a damn to begin with."

Just passing that on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

tacoma said:


> You really shouldn`t have gone there and she really shouldn`t have answered.
> 
> That`s all I`ve got...I dunno.


:iagree:

Yea, that's a little weird.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

thank you so far to all the above posters....esp the last one....frickin hilarious...

i know all this to be true..i just need to reenforce it to myself...

and maybe get laid...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

If you want to lay to rest any concerns about size, whether its bragging rights or inhibitions, just date a nurse or doctor. Good grief, my wife has handled so many hundreds of them that I don't even think porn could hold any sort of appeal for her. Ever. Now six pack abs or nicely defined shoulders is something that she doesn't see everyday. Just work with what you got.


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## coldshoulder (Sep 27, 2011)

elph, man...you're pining for her...you need to get over her and move on...obviously we don't know the whole story of the split, but one way or the other you have chosen to go your separate ways...start dating and don't worry about your penis...as long as you can still get it up, you can still please a woman...

Good Luck buddy!!

Later.


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## PartyGalAnne (Jun 4, 2010)

True happiness is more about who's ATTACHED to the penis. She'll realize that eventually!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Sometimes easier said than done:

- Don't ask questions unless you're prepared to hear the answers
- Don't give someone else the opportunity to compromise your self-worth
- Be grateful for what you have and hold your head high
- Whether male or female, confidence is always a turn on


Now tell me, does my butt look big in this outfit? Oh wait, don't answer that!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Elph, just get this mean nasty hurtful selfish woman completely out of your life. She can go with mommas boy and momma. You can upgrade to a faithful woman with both a heart and a brain and a sense of compassion, because this one hasn't any of those things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

elph, I too went there when it came to getting details of my W's OM (though which of the OM she was specifically referring to I'm not sure). Anyways, I was up against some stiff competition, literally. For the record, he didn't beat me in length, only girth, hardness and staying power  I "withdrew" myself from the competition. I have ever since highly felt insecure with my weapon (and realize now that I was always the wrong skin color for my stbxw).

I agree with Tacoma, that it always seems inadequate AFTER the woman you love leaves you, however I also think that to a man feeling adequate in the quantity department brings them huge confidence in making sexual connections, I for one felt good about it because I always believed my W literally felt fulfilled with what I could provide... there is no going back now it seems, and it surprisingly is one of the most deflating issues I have about myself right now, not to mention the chemical castration that has seemed to culminate when you let yourself be a doormat... this lower-than-before testosterone level has certainly had its diminishing effects on certain aspects of my physique, but it seems restorable as I've been on a weightlifting and testosterone inducing lifestyle kick for awhile and have made sizable gains returning along with my confidence - and no I don't believe they are all in my head (the big one, err the one on my shoulders) And yes there are a lot of intentional puns in this comment that are just too easy to include.


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## Onedery (Sep 22, 2011)

What will top having a big penis?
Try improving yourself financially and being a caring person.
My ex dumped me out the door for what turned out to be a series of bigger guys and a judge even awarded her the home I had furnished her.
She called me two years later wanting to come back since the last guy she was with was unemployable and they had managed to lose the shack through non payment of taxes and failure to make payment on a 2nd mortgage.
I hear she's living under a bridge somewhere in Georgia.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Onedery said:


> What will top having a big penis?
> Try improving yourself financially and being a caring person.
> My ex dumped me out the door for what turned out to be a series of bigger guys and a judge even awarded her the home I had furnished her.
> She called me two years later wanting to come back since the last guy she was with was unemployable and they had managed to lose the shack through non payment of taxes and failure to make payment on a 2nd mortgage.
> I hear she's living under a bridge somewhere in Georgia.


with some bum. but hes hung like a horse


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

funny you bring that kinda stuff up.
my wife told me that while it was me and my sons day last sat, she went with the OM and his mom to home depot. they drove inthe moms minivan, she had to sit in the back because of his kids car seats. she said that they had conversations and completely forgot she was back there. 
then at target when both the mom and my wife were checking out, he ran to his moms side and unloaded her cart for her...my wife can do it all her own, but he kinda forgot she was there as well...


its these little things i can laugh at now, and like i said earlier, i know shes not a size person and it would be something id have to get over...but these other things make me laugh at the loser mommas boy...





also he wears tighty whiteys...


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

tacoma said:


> My wife says ...
> 
> "The fact that he lives with his mom automatically negates 6 inches of size in the mind of any woman worth a damn to begin with."


Subtract two more for the tighty whiteys. He's living at home wearing the same type of underwear as my three year old. Elph, I wish you could see that you've already won. There are women out there who prefer REAL men, believe it or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> Subtract two more for the tighty whiteys. He's living at home wearing the same type of underwear as my three year old. Elph, I wish you could see that you've already won. There are women out there who prefer REAL men, believe it or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



he doesnt live at home with his mom...he lives 3 houses down...with his brother.

and his ex has told me (and my wife half assed confirmed) she cooks most meals for him, does his laundry and has been seen cleaning his house for him...true enough his mom has always been a stay at home mom, but hes 34....


and in this regard i know for a fact ive got over him. i cook, clean, laundry, iron, etc. i was the man of my house with my mom and 2 younger sisters. i had to learn to be independant (which is sometimes a detriment in my relationship), and she knows that i can take care of myself and her...this is easily a case of grass not being greener...

but my insecurities will comeback to them sharing intimacy...the only thing i can take away from this so far is that my wife pretty much saus hes too big for anal...which easily works to my advantage because she likes it on occasion and was also very comfortable doing that with me...something that gives me the impression that isnt there for them...

but itll take some effort still because ill still feel comparisions, esp if she really enjoys being with a bigger man...


that also said, i asked if he has gone down on her...she says that he hasnt, but wants too, but the way he acts its like its a chore for him....something else she isnt comfortable iwth...but shes also used to the fact that i ENJOYED going down on her....so theres that i guess...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ewwww tighty whities!

My dad wore those. Any man who wears them, I think about my dad and instantly I would not want to be with them.

If my husband wore them....we'd have some serious talks LOL i find them soooo repulsive. Sorry to any man who wears them, but holy crap....they are not attractive.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Ewwww tighty whities!
> 
> My dad wore those. Any man who wears them, I think about my dad and instantly I would not want to be with them.
> 
> If my husband wore them....we'd have some serious talks LOL i find them soooo repulsive. Sorry to any man who wears them, but holy crap....they are not attractive.


i found this out and thought she was trying to throw me off to make me feel better...then i confirmed it witht he EX. 

my wife couldnt understand why i laughed so hard..i told her you should be worried about this...
she asks why.

i said only little boys and old men wear tighty whiteys. ive never seen anything outside of those wearing them, and i go to the gym and see all kinds of variations...

i also told her athta unless hes has like OCD or something, they mean that hes mentally stunted...this of course isnt a medical fact, but aguy who wears them at age 34 and his mom does his laundry for him...HUGE RED FLAG!!!!

and that goes for any woman....my wife is gonna have to replace his mother......hahahaha



that said, i used to wear colored briefs...my wife always like boxers...guess what i switched to..(mostly cuz im working out at home, cand afford gym any more and dont have to worry about my junk being non supported at the gym)


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## randomtxguy (Sep 24, 2011)

Hey Elph,

First of all, you know way too much about your wife's affair. Second, if I were in your position, I would be obsessing the same way. My wife had exactly three sexual partners beside me (before we got together, and oral only) and I'll randomly stay up at night obsessing about whether they were bigger than me. Third, I've had a girl, while I was breaking up with her, instinctively lash out at my penis size, calling me small. 2 minutes later she was apologizing, claiming I had a perfect one. So, don't let her comments get to you, they could just be aimed at hurting you. Last but not least, don't worry, she would clearly have been better off sticking with you than mama's boy. 

And now, for an inappropriate, comedic suggestion:
If you're having confidence problems and feel small, have sex with a little woman. Her tiny hands will make it look huge! Then carry that confidence forward in your daily life!


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

yeah, i know i know too much..
my wife has had "moments of clarity" where ive been able to extract info..and the Ex is more than willing to dish on him. as well i have 5 months worth of texts saved that give me insight into their relationship...
and can confirm the things she said...however, i know they werent meant to hurt me...the texts she didnt know i was tracking...and when we have talked about it, she tries to get off the subject because it makes her uncomfortable...shes not commenting, shes just answering questions...

as well she gives me the heavy impression that shes feels used...as well because of his stamina, it makes her feel insecure because she doesnt think hes enjoying it, the reverse of me who is very vocal of what i like...


shell realize soon what she left...i know this guy cant compare to me...infact these are the only 2 things hes got on me...everything else he cant touch...

and yeah, i thought about the small woman thing already..


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## LadyGemma (Oct 4, 2011)

Why are you comparing yourself to someone else? You aren't getting back with your x wife, go and satisfy another lady who will be happy with your penis size. I think it is really rude of her to be telling you the details of this, clearly she is trying to make you jealous and feel like **** and it is working, don't let her win!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

LadyGemma said:


> Why are you comparing yourself to someone else? You aren't getting back with your x wife, go and satisfy another lady who will be happy with your penis size. I think it is really rude of her to be telling you the details of this, clearly she is trying to make you jealous and feel like **** and it is working, don't let her win!


So true. Time to move on. You know too much about the OM.


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## Nickitta (May 12, 2011)

You are torturing yourself for no reasons. SHE has told you that it is NOT important. She is not having an affair with the OM because of his penis size but because of an emotional connection. If you can re-connect with her emotionally, you might be able to get back together. Stop obsessing about something that is irrelevant!


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I had a bit of a unique perspective when it came to my wife and who she had been with. We where pretty good friends before we ever even thought of any type of relationship. During this time I was pretty much told her entire sexual past including most of the details. 
She had her sampling of differnt sizes. She usualy emphasized 3 of her partners. The first being the first person she actually enjoyed sex with was every bit of 10" and absolutly knew what to do with it. The second was avrage size and she said they where a perfect match sexually, they liked all of the same positions, intensity, both verry vocal. The third was about the size of a tiny sausage link, and she said he made up for it in other ways. This being said, the one she wanted to be with most was the sausage link guy, and said if not for circumstances that neither could control she would still be with him.
While size may matter to a point, in the end it all came down to who she connected with the most. I assure you that your W is not with OM because of his size and your size has nothing to do with her stepping out. Being average size is nothing to be ashaimed of. You care more about your size than anybody else on the planet, where as you need to be caring more about everything else.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

randomtxguy said:


> And now, for an inappropriate, comedic suggestion:
> If you're having confidence problems and feel small, have sex with a little woman. Her tiny hands will make it look huge! Then carry that confidence forward in your daily life!


This is true as well as funny.

My wife is 5 foot nothing and 98 lbs soaking wet with the most petite hands you`ve ever seen.

I look like John Holmes when she`s got me in her hands.

LMAO


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## sxLess (Oct 3, 2011)

uphillbattle said:


> While size may matter to a point, in the end it all came down to who she connected with the most.


I agree with this, however I feel where elph is coming from. I was in sort of the same boat with my current partner. I'm also small and my girlfriend has been with other men that are bigger than I am (not that it's hard to beat). My biggest fear is that yes she may want to be with me the most and tell me that my poor excuse for manhood is good enough, but secretly wish I was bigger/better or more "manly". That's just how I see it though.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

Nickitta said:


> You are torturing yourself for no reasons. SHE has told you that it is NOT important. She is not having an affair with the OM because of his penis size but because of an emotional connection. If you can re-connect with her emotionally, you might be able to get back together. Stop obsessing about something that is irrelevant!


first things first, awesome pic..linda carter wonder woman is still the best of the old tv shows...(pre 1980) 2nd place is i dream of jeanie...i know some ppl loved daisy duke, but she never did anything for me..

anyway, really, you hit it on the head...and i think thats one of my biggest issues. is that im not connected with her right now.

ill say for all the other people who says she told me this stuff on purpose. she didnt, i asked her based on texts that i saw. she wanted to avoid it. the thing is she doenst understand...not now at least and maybe not ever. i tried to relate to her its very similar to how women feel about their boobs. except women can change that, men cant. of course my wifes has big boobs, so it still doesnt click....

i think until the chance comes to reconnect, ill never really know if it makes a difference to her. we could, and she could tell me that it doenst but at first, ill just feel as if its just to shut me up. but history suggests that it was never an issue and she was perfectly happy with my manhood the whole time, because shes not like that...but then again, she never had different. but shes always been a motion of the ocean kinda gal...

like eating at mcdonalds, then dining at a real good burger joint...once you taste the other, it may be hard to go back...

that said, ive been doing research on improving my technique, and my stamina. so if we get back to that, ill have a few things to shock her with...hahaha


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

This is one of those [email protected] things that you are best to try and put out of your mind. No good can come of this line of thinking.

What's more troubling to me is that you've let yourself get into a "friend" role with your ex - where she dishes on things about her relationship, as if you are a girlfriend. THAT is a bad situation for you. It won't lead to reconciliation AND has the side effect of fueling insecurities. You should not be confiding ANYTHING in her, nor ask for confidences from her. If she's an ex, then kids, money and logistics is all you talk about. Especially if you harbour any desire to get back with her. 

The best thing you can do is move on with your life. Don't ask about OM, don't ask how she's feeling, don't be any sort of emotional support. It's the same principle as being "the friend guy" that woman like for conversation, but aren't sexually attracted to.

You'll only be attractive to her once she realizes that she's lost her grip on you.


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## Onedery (Sep 22, 2011)

Elph, I think it's obvious that you are where I was soon after I found out about my ex's indiscretions. Mine too, also let me have all the info in regards to that which I could NEVER do anything to change and even went into details about the series of guys she had spread her legs for during our sham mariage.
I convinced myself she did it in hopes that I would react physically and she could use it against me in the court proceedings she had started without my knowledge.
Once it was all over and she had cleaned me out financially, there could never be any reason for me to discuss anything with her including her children.
I have since found that there are plenty of women who will be willing to give a guy with just about any handicap consideration just as long as they are treated well and there's a chance he won't be trying to get her to pay his way financially.
The only damage that I consider permanent from the experience is that I no longer consider any relationship with the opposite sex to be potentially long term since I doubt I would recognize a keeper if she hit me over the head with a ball bat.
At least I let them know this in advance and it may surprise you how man of the ladies have been burned in the past so they aren't in a hurry to make another mistake, themselves.


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