# First my dog, now me...



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Well about a week ago she brought my dog to the SPCA on allegations that he'd growled at a little girl. I rescued Skip, and he is now hiding safely nearby in witness protection. 

I thought the worst was over, and I'd always heard that divorces can be ugly, but I would have never thought that having been foiled she would pursue similar tactics with me.

Well I was wrong. Today she had me served with a restraining order while I was at work. Nothing like a messy divorce to win over the confidence of new patients. At first as we see so many emergency responders at our facility, I thought that one of them was a new patient, but no that wasn't the case. 

Now, I can't even go to my home. As she served me at work, I can't even go home and get the materials I need like my laptop, journals, or any of my training gear. I pleaded with her mom to provide me at least with 20 escorted minutes to get my things, but she said she couldn't get involved. Really, after 22 years? Thanks.

I am scheduled to be in L.A. for advanced training at the end of this week, so at least I'll have accommodations in place there. However, it is a very odd thing to finish your work day and not have a place to go. I have had some friends make offers, but I hate to impose.

What really gets me is that this is nothing more than a cheap legal ploy for her to attempt to hold onto the house. I have never been a threat to my wife. She claims emotional distress as her damage in the order. Well guess what, I'm a little emotionally distressed as well.

Interestingly enough, I am scheduled to have unsupervised custody this weekend of my children. I guess I'm that dangerous that the first weekend I have been served I can be alone for 2 whole days with my kids. Uhm, you kind of missed that one Mr. Lawyer. That doesn't really make sense.

She has repeatedly told me that I am a threat to our children, and now I get to watch all 6 of them by myself? Oh, why am I a threat, am I physically dangerous? No, I've prepared my oldest son for his enlistment in the Army. In her addled hippie mind that makes me dangerous.

We were scheduled to start fire arm training which now I can't do legally until this is lifted. This also keeps him out of Jujitsu with me, and severs our morning physical conditioning ritual. Nice. No, I'm afraid she is a threat to our kids.

She will get crucified on the stand as her allegations are a hodge podge of several arguments we have had over the course of the last month or so, and her places and times won't hold up well. 

Her day of filing is also conveniently one day following the closure of our joint checking account. In my defense, I have given her over 500.00 in the last week for various expenses incurred. I have just had her itemize everything, in order to get more money. This was done to prevent her from squirreling away money.

This is wrong on so many levels. I am tempted to just frigging walk away from my practice and go and treat frigging crippled kids in Uganda. They can pay me in rice and peanut butter. 

In my wildest dreams I would have never thought my wife would be so bitter over our pending divorce. From her actions, I had construed that she had stopped loving me along time ago, so why all the hatred?

I don't even know why I am writing any of this, it changes nothing and actually doesn't help me feel any better. I guess it's time to go find somewhere to sleep for the night.

P.S. please explain why women are like this Atholk. I just don't get the whole "hell hath no fury thing". Why can't she be a big girl and just let it go.

LIL


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

LIL - I warned you this could happen on your other thread. My wife did the same thing to me. In the end she wasted 2 months and 10k in attorney's fees to pursue a TRO and then a permanent RO all in an attempt to hold onto the house.

Makes me sick to see this happening to another person as I have lived thru it. We filed a request to dismiss the very next day but no judge is going to go back on his own order and will instead think that separating the parties for a few weeks in safer than not. As a result - even with bogus allegations - I was not able to return home and see our children for 3 weeks.

In the end because she dropped the request for a permanent RO, none of the ammunition I had logged over 4 months time came to bear. It was anticlimatic to say the least. 

Hang in there and PM me if needed.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

LIL: Wow! After many years and many kids, you'd think she would want to do this as smooth as possible. She is only thinking of herself, at this point, a dangerous decision for your children. 

Your friends aren't inviting because they are "nice"....they want to help. Allow them to help...stay with them and gain some support. You are going to need it. Allow them to help. Allow yourself to receive.

I'll pray for peace for you and your family.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Corpuswife said:


> LIL: Wow! After many years and many kids, you'd think she would want to do this as smooth as possible. She is only thinking of herself, at this point, a dangerous decision for your children.


I second this. I'm so sorry to hear about this my heart or what's left of it breaks for your kids and you. 

Sending prayers that you will get through this.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Sorry LIL, after I read Help's story a while back I was afraid my stbx would try the same stunt, luckily she moved out and I've had limited contact with her. 
i don't understand why your W would subject the children to this, but after your atty. gets the RO overturned, your W is going to look foolish. 

Hang in there, act sane and low key and eventually you will win out. Whatever you do don't confront her as she will use anything you say as a trumped up story against you. 

I can't for he life of me understand why spouses who are the "leavers" act this way, but my Shrink said to stop trying to understand , there is no credible explanation in many cases and you would be better served to protect yourself instead of trying to figure out "why". She said many like my wife have a very complicated personality that doesn't easily lend itself to one reason or syndrome. Also, many times they hide their motives and purposely give conflicting reasons, so you will probably never get to the real answer. 

My shrink refuses to let me talk about my W's motivations anymore and is making me focus on protecting and fixing ME. I think it's working as I'm starting to get over her past deeds and focusing on the future.


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

Sorry to hear what you are going through, LIL. Well, taking it from experience, although I am not divorced, my H and I nearly went that route because of his "alleged" cheating. I was very furious then. Because my anger and madness got into me, I was willing to do everything to bring him down. Then things came back to my senses. Prayer did help! I started to focus on the real problem and not allowed myself to be bitter and angry. I believe you wife is in that phase wherein she wants to get even with you. She probably feels you have caused her so much pain and she wants to inflict the same amount of pain if not more to you through these actions. I do believe that you really come to the point wherein you get mad, then you want to get even. My prayers are with you and her.

I hope you find a nice place to stay for the evening.

God Bless!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't feed the beast.

Seriously. I like your anger thread. I posted in it. I posted an anger thread of my own a few months back. You're at that point where anger moves from a sense of defensive protection, to self consuming negativity. It's like a fire - and she just hit you with molotov c0cktail.

Be careful. Be cool. Way of the peaceful warrior LIL. Book of Five Rings. Tao of Poo. Anger doesn't make you stronger, it makes you vulnerable.

Check with your attorney, see if you can send a proxy to obtain possessions.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Deejo said:


> Don't feed the beast.
> 
> Seriously. I like your anger thread. I posted in it. I posted an anger thread of my own a few months back. You're at that point where anger moves from a sense of defensive protection, to self consuming negativity. It's like a fire - and she just hit you with molotov c0cktail.
> 
> ...


Thank you Deejo, it is 4:30 in the morning and your post was the first thing I read today. You have set an excellent tone in your letter, and reminded me of a simple but essential truth regarding anger.

For the record, The Tao of Poo rocks. I will strive to be more like the uncarved stone, and less like the owl and rabbit I actually am. 

LIL


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

LIL: I don't know you entire story, but it sounds like you have a greedy, insensitive b**** on your hands. Her behavior does not sound like that of a scared woman. I was a scared woman. I left my husband, the house, the money, the assets, and the two step-daughters I raised for almost 11 years, just to feel happy and sane in some way. I was terrified of trying to take anything from my husband other than my vehicle, for fear of what he might try to do to me, be it violence or slander. I have been living with my sister in the house she rents from my parents for six months now. My belongings don't even fill half of a 5X5 storage unit.

I don't believe she feels scared in any way. Rather, I think she wants to look like the victim so she can take everything. She wants the house, the money, the assets, and the children (obviously when it is convenient for her). She may also care way too much about what others think of her in this situation. She may want everyone you guys know to think that she was right in doing whatever she has done to you, your children, and your marriage. She may want you to look worse than her, so as to make herself feel better. She seems to have to convince others, in order to convince herself, that she is not a bad person, by making you look like the bad guy. Know what I mean?

-CRISIS


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Crisis - it sound like you're describing my stb-x . lol...


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

I probably am describing her. Anyone who is scared would just leave without causing a stir. If she was afraid of you, she wouldn't be doing all of the things that would piss you off and further anger you. She would just be happy to be free. 

I live in the state of Florida, which is a no-fault state, and my friends and family still tell me that I should take my fair half of the marital assets, but I won't. It doesn't seem worth it when you don't know what price you might pay to get it.

As far as your living situation is concerned, I totally understand not wanting to impose on anyone. I had several offers from my wonderful support system of friends while enduring so much in my marriage, but did not leave until my sister moved back into town just a few months prior to my leaving. Even living in her house, I am extra neat and try not to be home very much, as I do not know just how long I will need to stay here and just can't fathom the idea of them going to bed every night as they discuss their concerns about when I will be out of their hair. To make it easier on them, I give them $200.00 at the end of every month just to sleep on their living room couch. It isn't even a sleeper sofa. If I eat something, I replace it immediately.

However, I think that you and I are both over-thinking this one. Our friends sincerely do care and truly want to help us. Hell, my friends are the ones who brought to my attention that I was being severely mistreated.

Go stay with someone. At a time like this, you shouldn't be alone in a hotel room. Your mind will just go crazy. You need company. I am so thankful for my sister and brother-in-law throughout all of this. They have truly been there for me and haven't even once complained about my living with them. They have been super supportive.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

You're right crisis1008, hotel rooms are rather lonely. As my lawyer has informed me "you're never going home", so I probably need to think about what to do next.

Part of me is hoping my soon to be X will just rescind the order. I mean WTF, just last Saturday she offered to have me clean out my office and convert it into a bedroom for her so she could "be my nanny". At the time, I told her I didn't want a nanny, I wanted a wife. I still do, just not her anymore.

I wish to hell I'd never married at 21. I am so not that person anymore. The whole day I was working with successful people who for the most part had paired with other successful people and their arrangements seemed "nice".

I listened to people on break talk about scheduling trips to Belize, while in the back of my mind I was thinking about renting an apartment. Not so nice.

Anyway, I'm tired and tomorrow is a busy day. G-night TAM.

LIL


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

lastinline said:


> P.S. please explain why women are like this Atholk. I just don't get the whole "hell hath no fury thing". Why can't she be a big girl and just let it go.
> 
> LIL


Not all women are "high maintainence" but your wife clearly is. While you have clearly supported her and the kids with income, you have been quite unavailable for her in terms of your time. This is ground we have gone over before in that you're caught between making the clinic go, and being available at home.

Over time her sense of entitlement and and lack of attention made her bored and lonely. So she cheated on you in what appears to be simply a quest for stimulation.

At this point though, her lack of self-motivation, and her reliance on you to provide for her, is coming to a head. "Yesterday" she was a SAHM and a doctor's wife in a nice house and surrounded by children. "Tomorrow" she will be a divorced woman because she was unfaithful, a lazy skilless middle aged woman with faded beauty and too many children for any man of value to show her interest.

"Today" she is fighting as hard as she can to punish you for "Tomorrow". She really hopes tomorrow never comes, but she's crossed a few too many lines now. (As an aside, I understand her cheating on you, I don't agree with it, but I understand it. The dog thing is just beyond the pale. The restraining order is just lawyer tactics.)

Obviously she can't be a big girl and just let it go. The problem is that she's not a big girl in the first place. 

It's gonna get worse. I have a feeling she is going to self-destruct and you just have to keep an active defense up and watch herself take herself to the ground.

If you want to put it in Sex Rank terms. She's been a 6 riding the coat tails of a 9 husband thinking she's a 10. Without the husband around anymore, she knows she'll be waking up to a brave new world as a 4. Mad. As. A. Snake.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Not all women are "high maintainence" but your wife clearly is. While you have clearly supported her and the kids with income, you have been quite unavailable for her in terms of your time. This is ground we have gone over before in that you're caught between making the clinic go, and being available at home.
> 
> Over time her sense of entitlement and and lack of attention made her bored and lonely. So she cheated on you in what appears to be simply a quest for stimulation.
> 
> ...


Oh my thank you for that post. Cause my stbx wife will be that picture. She isn't thinking properly and thats where she will be when its over.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Atholk said:


> If you want to put it in Sex Rank terms. She's been a 6 riding the coat tails of a 9 husband thinking she's a 10. Without the husband around anymore, she knows she'll be waking up to a brave new world as a 4. Mad. As. A. Snake.


:rofl: Atholk, I had to laugh at this analogy. Same is true for my wife. she thinks she is a 10 and has no idea what it's going to mean without me to support her insane shopping trips to NYC. Sure she is going to get a big settlement and hurt me badly, but I bet she blows it in 5 years or less. Then she will be a 4. Can't wait.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

#1--Atholk I ready some of your blog today and it is something else! I love how you are right up front about married-man sex! It's a breath of fresh air. 

#2--If you want to put it in Sex Rank terms, do you really think they'd be as high as a 4? Cuz I realize I'm a chick and all but even I wouldn't rate 'em that high! Look, as a guy, you can start young at a higher 7 and as you mature, keep some fitness, and grey well...you'd mature right on up into a high 9 or 10 (think Sean Connery or George Clooney). And that's looks alone! Add some power and a more spending ability and you have potential for 10+! No woman I know starts at a 7 and matures up on looks alone...even Rachel Welch who looks darn good. For a woman to start at 7 and mature up, she's got to have something additional to offer like her own power or her own spending cash! If she starts at 7, wrinkles and grey hits (5) , she can't earn, she withholds sex (3), and she spends all your money? Many that's sinking into a 2 for me! Who'd want that?

Sadly I pretty much guarantee you that they'll figure this out after they've used several and after many years have gone by...when they are alone and relatively broke.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

My stb-x just threatened a restraining order against me, for basically walking into my own house and on my own attorney's advice that I could come and go as I please in my house, while I still own it. 

Called the police and I left (I was going to anyway) and she agreed not to file.

I recorded it in text format taht 2 hour later after she called the police, my oldest son was texting me if he could come over while I helped him with homework and she said yes.

Anyway. . .here's the deal.

1. 9x out of 10, women can get a temporary restraining order on you. The liberal courts favor women because you are a big, bad man and she is a little helpless woman and no judge wants to take a chance should something happen. Sad truth, but that's the way it is.

2. The permanent restraining order is much more difficult to prove. With no history of violent conduct, police being called, it's highly doubtful she would win on that one.

3. From what I understand, judges are starting to hate the female ploy to use the police and courts for "false restraining orders" and "wrongful arrests" and such. I do watch Judge Judy and if she's at all indicative of modern judges (and who knows - I actually think she is - have seen her interviewed on Larry King)), she hates it when a woman acts like a child and pretends to be all threatened. it's an abuse of taxpayor money. You may want to have your attorney take that angle with any cross-motions.

You are a doctor and I would assume that makes you somewhat a gentle, kind person with a decent civil record. Your attorney should go a little on the offensive with this and if it comes to it, sue her in small claims for this. At least inconvenience her as much as she's inconvenienced you.

Finally, just remember this in divorce. Hopefully, you are a Star Trek fan:

1. Negotiate like a Ferrengi
2. Fight like a Klingon

Try to bring her to the negotiating table for everything. Okay, she wants you restrained - do you want the kids all of the time? Most of the time since you feel I am a threat? What do you want? Well, okay, you can have the house (remember that women really value their shelter) if you surrender some alimony maybe? Maybe you get more cash in that case? Whatever. . .I don't know your specifics but everything is negotiable.

And while you dont' want to put the kids in the middle. . .I think there comes a point you have to be honest too. . ."Mom doesn't think it best you see me." Come at it from a position of strength and now let her answer to the older kids, who are able to think abstractly.

Just keep making everything she wants tit for tat.

Treat your divorce as nothing more than a busines transaction, because honestly, that's all it is. Just like a business partnership breaking up and dividing assets and business responsibilities, it's the same.

Good luck.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Well you are sort of right Scannerguard. At 40 years of age I do not even have a traffic ticket on my record, and the police have never been to my house. However, I don't really appear to be too docile. I actually look more like a linebacker, or the Hollywood version of a marine than a medical professional. Couple that with years of training in the martial arts, and what do you get? Apparently, a restraining order waiting to happen. 

I realize it's nothing more then a legal strategy. It distances the younger kids from me and gets them used to me not "being around" when custody decisions come up. As kids are cash, it makes financial sense. However, it doesn't make it any less evil.

I disagree with you business transaction statement. I am the CEO of a corporation and strangely enough I don't condone lying to advance a personal agenda. My attorney has no doubt she'll rescind her TRO. I'm just pissed she had the audacity to file it in the first place. It sets a bad tempo for our future relations, and it is a poorly thought out play on her part as she will need far more from me then I will ever need from her.

LIL


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> I disagree with you business transaction statement. I am the CEO of a corporation and strangely enough I don't condone lying to advance a personal agenda


I am not sure I condoned lying, did I?

Do you mean that I suggest you condone your stb-x lying? No, I don't either. You should strongly deny all accusations. I am built like a linebacker too (and I am a doctor - feel free to private message me).

I just mean you should accept her concerns at face value and ask as a player in teh business transaction what can be negotiated.

And it actually doesn't make financial sense. For arguments sake, let's say she gets the kids 100% of the time and you get no visitation because you are a big, bad, mean man. . .the difference in child support is not that much. It's amazing how little credit the courts give you for being responsible for the kids the days/overnights you ahve them. 

So for her to use that as a motive, a good attorney would advise her that your desire to be in the kids lives means much more.

You can make far more in a days pay as a doctor than a court will grant you in child support credit. It may come to like $7 per child or something like $42.00 for 6 kids she gains.

In the meantime, just go to their soccer games, parent conferences, music events and let her haul them around, do baths, run them to the doctor/dentist and so on. 

I know I love my kids deeply. Deeply. I love to cuddle them, mentor them, and parent them in general. But raising kids is a labor of love and one I engaged in and sacrificed a lot of my career to do so. I was always happy to do it for them but sad and angry to be not appreciated by her. There are two operative words in that expression that your stb-x should duly remember - "labor" and "love." You offering to be with the kids is really an offer to share in the labor of childrearing, not just the love and she should be appreciative you want to be in their lives.

I don't want to make gross generalizations but I guess I do lot - a lot of Generation X women have really become spoiled and entitleistic from the Boomer parents who taught their daughters, "You should have it all and right now." and it sounds like you are fighting this mindset as much as I am.

She will learn in divorce she's only entitled to so much. And actually learn the kids are entitled to more than she is, not her.

Good luck. Private message me with any other thoughts. I am by no means an expert, only forging a few steps ahead of you in this very difficult process and learning as I go along. It's a difficult balance and I ahve learned the sucky thing about divorce is men have to work more and see the kids less and women see the kids more and have to labor more with them. It's very common unless your schedule is flexible and you are able to somehow adapt.

Good luck.


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Last, did you ever get that pm I sent you??
If so please read "the list".....you really need it right now!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Affaircare said:


> #1--Atholk I ready some of your blog today and it is something else! I love how you are right up front about married-man sex! It's a breath of fresh air.
> 
> #2--If you want to put it in Sex Rank terms, do you really think they'd be as high as a 4? Cuz I realize I'm a chick and all but even I wouldn't rate 'em that high! Look, as a guy, you can start young at a higher 7 and as you mature, keep some fitness, and grey well...you'd mature right on up into a high 9 or 10 (think Sean Connery or George Clooney). And that's looks alone! Add some power and a more spending ability and you have potential for 10+! No woman I know starts at a 7 and matures up on looks alone...even Rachel Welch who looks darn good. For a woman to start at 7 and mature up, she's got to have something additional to offer like her own power or her own spending cash! If she starts at 7, wrinkles and grey hits (5) , she can't earn, she withholds sex (3), and she spends all your money? Many that's sinking into a 2 for me! Who'd want that?
> 
> Sadly I pretty much guarantee you that they'll figure this out after they've used several and after many years have gone by...when they are alone and relatively broke.


Thanks for the praise 

I dunno what she is in terms of Sex Rank. She's still capable of falling on her back with legs apart and doesn't seem deformed in any way, so she can't be completely bottomed out...


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

scanner - I believe LIL was referring to his wife lying to get the TRO as a tactical advantage. My W did the same thing. She did NOT withdraw the TRO but the judge dismissed it due to lack of evidence - since it was all lies. That didn't stop her from pursuing a permanent RO - but she did drop that at the last minute. Bottom line is they were both filed to gain an advantage with the time spent with the children.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

lastinline said:


> In my wildest dreams I would have never thought my wife would be so bitter over our pending divorce. From her actions, I had construed that she had stopped loving me along time ago, so why all the hatred?
> 
> P.S. please explain why women are like this Atholk. I just don't get the whole "hell hath no fury thing". Why can't she be a big girl and just let it go.LIL


Hey LiL~

I'd like to comment on these two thoughts if you don't mind. When my ex cheated on me, we had built a $1 million dollar business together, had a 4000 sqft. house and two kids in private school. We had the world by the tail and he left me for a restaurant assoc.mgr. who had 4 kids by 4 different men. He also said he was going to a service call one day, drove off, and moved to another state without telling anyone where he was going or anything--he was just gone for two weeks (I mean I knew who he was with and the state but not "how to reach him"). Because of his affair, our business tanked and he left me to deal with the personal and business creditors, etc. If anyone had the right to be "Hell Hath No Fury" I'm telling ya--it was me. 

But even in all that, I held onto rational thought enough to know that affairs don't happen in a vacuum and marriages aren't just one person. I wasn't perfect, and there were for sure times that I was pretty darn cranky to him. I worked while he earned an MBA, so in the divorce I decided I wasn't taking his college debt. I was able-bodied and I didn't ask for alimony, but I did ask for child support to take care of his kids with his potential to earn a little more. That seemed fair to me. Then I sold everything: house, business, etc. for exactly the bank notes (so there was no equity but no debt). Take your personal stuff and leave. Seems fair, right? 

No. Of course not. 

My point is that I think those who do the cheating have an "entitlement" attitude...as if they are entitled to have the equity but no debt, have the happiness but destroy others, have the kids but no responsibility, have the money but not have to work. Thus, I would propose that it's not "hell hath no fury" here so much as two things: A) Disloyal Spouse entitlement and B) Our divorce laws have virtually been set up to cover up the fact that having an affair is wrong and breaks a contract.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

The entitlement attitude is pervasive in divorce because frankly, there *IS *some entitlement there.

A wife or husband or the kids may be entitled to money or this or that. Absolutely, if the wife is going to labor in raising the kids 100% of the time, the kids are entitled to a %age of the husband's income.

The kids are entitled, not the wife per se.

The problem is that one spouse gets consummed with that mentality of entitlement.

It used to be joked among women that marriage was an insurance policy. . .if you decided it wasn't working. . .you just got a divorce and cashed in on the alimony. Now. . .alimony is falling by the wayside, not as popular. Child support is complicated and designed to only hurt the father, not ruin him. Women are now paying alimony, although stats say men are more reluctant to make a claim on it ( I could be "entitled" to alimony but would rather just drop that claim for some freedom and flexibility to visit the kids).

It probably stems from that one spouse or both spouses forgot how lucky it is to be married to that person they married. . .that on some level, they are getting help, companionship, financial support, healthcare, etc. It's not until the reality of divorce hits that the other partner says, "Oh yeah, how about that? I'm *not *entitled to y and z, only x."


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*a totally honest request*

LIL,
Her honest and genuine request to be your nanny was simply a request to continue having all the benefits of being your wife plus 
- separate bedrooms 
- no sex 
- she can sleep with any guy she wants, etc. 

The fact that she even requested that shows she is delusional. What possible benefit is that arrangement to you? Seriously - that is the ONLY kind of thing that would prevent you from finding another mate - your ex wife living in your house. 

At some level your wife knows that in the mating market she is a 4 or a 3 - actually it is possible that her attitude will make her a 2. Adults in their 40's have a keen ear for partners with a sense of entitlement. She is heading into the downward spiral. 

I also think she is lying to your MIL about what is happening.



Affaircare said:


> Hey LiL~
> 
> I'd like to comment on these two thoughts if you don't mind. When my ex cheated on me, we had built a $1 million dollar business together, had a 4000 sqft. house and two kids in private school. We had the world by the tail and he left me for a restaurant assoc.mgr. who had 4 kids by 4 different men. He also said he was going to a service call one day, drove off, and moved to another state without telling anyone where he was going or anything--he was just gone for two weeks (I mean I knew who he was with and the state but not "how to reach him"). Because of his affair, our business tanked and he left me to deal with the personal and business creditors, etc. If anyone had the right to be "Hell Hath No Fury" I'm telling ya--it was me.
> 
> ...


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Can you have a family member or friend go and collect your belongings? Contact your attorney to see what options you have in regard to all of this - and stop giving her money. No money will be considered in the courts as "relevant", it will be looked at as a gift and apparently she doesn't deserve it. If the children need something, you can buy it for them and have someone drop it off, but there is no need to keep giving her money until it's court ordered, then it needs to go through the courts - never directly to her.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Thanks for your concern HappyHer. She has already seen to it that I have most of my things. Lothes, laptop, training supplies. My friggin car looks like I'm homeless.

I just bought a new vehicle tonight. I was going to "drive it off the lot", but instead I left it to be detailed because I needed to seriosuly "unload" my other car at my clinic.

My only complaint is that the whole divorce process could have been handled better by her than what it was. She filed, she likely cheated, and still she's pissed. Go figure.

LIL


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

It's just the beginning my friend. It took 4 months for my W to try to even start the beginnings of "playing fair". Yes, she cheated, although she won't admit it. Doesn't matter, she still feels like she deserves better - more $$, more time with the kids, more everything. Fight for your rights. Keep a level head.


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