# Need feedback from both male and female



## [email protected]@@ (Aug 2, 2021)

I have no problem when people say dont bring up the past.i do believe there is situations where the same type of thing keeps happening so in a way the past become the present.i think the past thing has to be dealt with to become the past..............i would like to be called out if my thinking is warped here...been married 40 years...long time...the beginning is not always easy to remember so in trying to work out problems and mend a big mess sometimes you see similarities in the past.....is this a wrong thing to do.i was the person in a earlier post that was unfaithfull 38 years ago lasting about 3 monthes and my wife within the last 20 years has had a 5 year affair with a guy and came back for maybe 6 monthes then had a 11 year affair with another dude.both of these shes bouncing from home having sex then i come home from work and dhed be gone for days.....point is it confused the hell out of me trying to wrap my head around it all since shes been home for last 2 years.im 60 shes56.im seeing how im treated and going over our times all the way to first time i saw her and was floored with a feeling most powerfull.i know whar ever.anyway we were 16 and 20. in going over **** in my head i was blind not paying attention or something because heres how it went.when i first saw her and got to talk with her and then kissing and so on.she had a boyfriend.she never did chose to be with just me.a year and a bit later she comes to my place and upset tells me shes pregnant and without hesitation i say lets get married.shes says she doesnt know who the father is.without hesitation i say so what lets get married anyway.she says she cant say yes right now.denied again.in a couple monthes she says yes ..later in life i find out her brothers had a talk with her telling her that with me just getting in pipilefitters union i would be able to support her better(**** me)then she asks me after we get married in 1983 that the old boyfriend wanted to see baby to dee what he looked like.i say yes but we would go together.she goes on her own and emd up making out and her pants undone.her explanation...wanting to see if there was anything still there..what does that say about me?...in 1985 she turns 21 and i watch our boy while she goes to a bar with a older girl friend dressed in a way that i did not want her to do.i did not say anything but swung by place just in time tonsee her and some guy come out of a van with her buttoning her pants.....etc...etc


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dude, this happened in 1984. You win the award for the greatest retroactive jealousy of all time. You’ve been married 40 years.

What would you need to ease your mind?
What could she do?
I have no idea how to help you. Hopefully there’s some retroactive jealousy experts on here.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

[email protected]@@ said:


> I have no problem when people say dont bring up the past.i do believe there is situations where the same type of thing keeps happening so in a way the past become the present.i think the past thing has to be dealt with to become the past..............i would like to be called out if my thinking is warped here...been married 40 years...long time...the beginning is not always easy to remember so in trying to work out problems and mend a big mess sometimes you see similarities in the past.....is this a wrong thing to do.i was the person in a earlier post that was unfaithfull 38 years ago lasting about 3 monthes and my wife within the last 20 years has had a 5 year affair with a guy and came back for maybe 6 monthes then had a 11 year affair with another dude.both of these shes bouncing from home having sex then i come home from work and dhed be gone for days.....point is it confused the hell out of me trying to wrap my head around it all since shes been home for last 2 years.im 60 shes56.im seeing how im treated and going over our times all the way to first time i saw her and was floored with a feeling most powerfull.i know whar ever.anyway we were 16 and 20. in going over *** in my head i was blind not paying attention or something because heres how it went.when i first saw her and got to talk with her and then kissing and so on.she had a boyfriend.she never did chose to be with just me.a year and a bit later she comes to my place and upset tells me shes pregnant and without hesitation i say lets get married.shes says she doesnt know who the father is.without hesitation i say so what lets get married anyway.she says she cant say yes right now.denied again.in a couple monthes she says yes ..later in life i find out her brothers had a talk with her telling her that with me just getting in pipilefitters union i would be able to support her better(*** me)then she asks me after we get married in 1983 that the old boyfriend wanted to see baby to dee what he looked like.i say yes but we would go together.she goes on her own and emd up making out and her pants undone.her explanation...wanting to see if there was anything still there..what does that say about me?...in 1985 she turns 21 and i watch our boy while she goes to a bar with a older girl friend dressed in a way that i did not want her to do.i did not say anything but swung by place just in time tonsee her and some guy come out of a van with her buttoning her pants.....etc...etc


Sooo… she had more than just the two affairs you mentioned in your other thread?

And is the kid yours or no?


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## [email protected]@@ (Aug 2, 2021)

GusPolinski said:


> Sooo… she had more than just the two affairs you mentioned in your other thread?
> 
> And is the kid yours or no?


Yes two great sons.both married with 1 year old boys each.lucked out there.about one of the comments...im not jealous or need something fixed way back in time.im just able to see she placed the same value on me then as now.i was too love blinded back then to see


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I think I'd be more concerned about the guy she ****ed last week if it were me.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Your wife has been cheating your ENTIRE relationship and you let her. 

So what do you want to know?


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## [email protected]@@ (Aug 2, 2021)

I just needed to say what i said in this way to people i dont know and read the responses.believe it or not ive never really put it all together and never talked to people i knew about it because i think i already knew what they would say and i trusted the feeling inside me the first time i saw her.i thank you all for your strait foward replies they were exactly what i needed.if this all sounded familiar to anybody that is still young ......turn and run.....


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I hope you find what you need and a SO that loves you one day.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm confused, really??? your wife has been ****ing around with other dudes all of your married life with your knowledge of it, and you are wondering about the past, the present because you cheated early on?? 

You allowed all, you knew it. I wonder if you let it happen because deep down you enjoyed knowing she was with other men not because you thought you deserved it for cheating early on, because, dude what can a complete stranger deduce after reading about your wife's life with other men while you just stood by the sideline. That or you're one of those men that never have self-respect, self worth, dignity and/or didn't know how to react as a man and as an individual. Your attitude is not normal as far as what most men in the face of this planet reaction would be with just the first instance. Or you're just slow in the uptake, because "you have to wrap your head around it all" what's to wrap your head about? tell me- what's to wrap your head about? You've been with your head buried in the sand all this years, so what's different now, just because she's been home for the last two years? 

Like I said you decided to bury your head in the sand, you were not blind as you said it. You never learned about boundaries, what is permissible or not, while you even participated on her demands. Now what is that you want? to run? then run. At least you'll eventually realize that is better late than never.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Dude, Your wife has had a 5 year long affair and an 11 year long affair and evidently multiple one night stands that you now know about. What is your specific question? What do you need help with? You have a marriage on paper....nothing else.

Just read your earlier post. She has left you to go long term with two other guys? Is that correct?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Stunned,

You've already suffered horrible abuse for the entirety of your marriage, or should I say for the entirety of your WWs marriage to OMs? 

Emotionally and romantically she divorced you years ago, and you were kept around as a servant, provider and father.

Please remove yourself she never loved you and never will, and you need to heal.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@[email protected]@@ Are you in counselling for the PTSD this will have given you?


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## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

She kind of got to have it all. Get looked after and be married while also being able to be single and have some fun. You also cheated. You both cheat she just had a lot more success than you but women attract men much more easily than the other way around if they want that attention. You might ask your sons for paternity checks but I wouldn't as it will cause new problems. I'd assume your first isn't yours. You know what she's like and you chose to marry her and support her anyway. You both care about each other or you wouldn't be together I guess. I'd focus on right now.


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