# My wife say's she's done nothing wrong...



## stillawake

My wife began playing occaisional tennis with the tennis pro that teaches our son, which I thought was fine. She's 40 and he's 25. Well they developed a friendship and I noticed that they occaisionally texted, which I also didn't think was a big deal. Then she started wanting to go see him play in tournaments. Ok...she's a tennis fan...I am too. 

Well I've been noticing that she is contantly texting someone, even late at night...close to midnight, so I decide to check her phone. Turns out she and the tennis guy have been exchanging 20 to 30 texts per day. They are all pretty innocent; however, I did learn that she's been going to his apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and she had not mentioned that before. 

I also discoved that she had taken him out to lunch earlier today and texted him that she would "come and keep him company". She had specifically lied to me earlier in the day when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day.

Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex. 

She got really angry and told me that there is nothing inappropriate about any of this. She told me that they are just friends and then she said "he is like a son", which I know is total B.S.

She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone". Well I'm here asking. What do you guys think?


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## walkonmars

What do i think? 

I think she should be ashamed of herself for not acknowledging her true feelings/intentions with this MAN. 

I'm sure she wouldnt mind one of her girlfriends hanging around her/your son and pestering him the way she's been flaunting herself at another womans son.

Unless this tennis pro has a solid moral foundation he's going to take what is offered. And make no mistake IT IS BEING offered. 

That is what i think - sorry you find yourself in a situation that is soon to unravel because of your partner in life


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## WyshIknew

Yes it is wrong. How many times a day does she textt you?

It is an emotional affair if not a physical affair.

Write a letter to the tennis club pointing out that you are uncomfortable with a young man texting your wife multiple times a day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

I'm greatly thinking that this doesn't exactly pass the "smell test!" It's all too obvious that both of their actions speak of anything other than the "innocence" they both are seemingly professing.

To that end, it's richly time for a "Come to Jesus Meeting" with your wife, "the 180," and perhaps even more!


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## JCD

Here is what you do:

You get two or three friends (even aquanitances) at that same Tennis Club and have them meet you at the manager's office.

You ask the manager to page the POS.

When he gets there, tell the other HUSBANDS "This is the guy who keeps sniffing after my wife. Texts her all the time. Keep an eye out for this POS and see if he's wanting to play mixed singles with your wives."

"Mr. Manager, here is our letter of resignation. You can see the reason for that right in front of you. We want a refund for the balance of the year since it's the result of the actions of one of your empolyees." Tell him the number of texts he's sending to your spouse. Put it all on him.

Tell your wife exactly what you did and explain that since she isn't establishing any boundaries and is offering to take her clothes off with another man (i.e. swimming) she has no complaint.


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## BjornFree

JCD said:


> Tell her this:
> 
> "If it's all just innocent, then you don't mind only meeting him when I am available as well. If you don't like that, then it doesn't pass the husband test. You are wanting to do things that you won't do in front of me. Right now, you are in touch with him more then me and our son. How is that innocent?"
> 
> Then definitely tell the Management of the Tennis Club...and share his identity with some of the other husbands of the club. Suddenly having a bunch of MEN PAYING FOR THEIR WIVES FEES suddenly looking askance at an employee...well...he might find greener pastures elsewhere.


And while you're doing this, put a gps on her car.


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## See_Listen_Love

Congrats on pinning this snake before it gets in your pants. A thing like this could cost you your relation easily.

Now defuse the situation according to the examples you find on many similar threads on this forum.

Do say nothing anymore at this moment to your wife. You have to gather possible evidence and just look and listen. Take a cold stance towards your wife. In absolutely no situation break down and get whining and complaining.

Demand she goes non-contact. Don't argue. If she leaves for him as far as you know or suspect, put her clothes in a bag and put it outside, the OM can have her.Tell her that when she leaves or returns if you didn't see her go.

Keep cool, it is the best chance to work on your relation. She is deep into the fog, she wants to swim with him to have sex later on.

Sorry for you, be strong.


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## JCD

BjornFree said:


> And while you're doing this, put a gps on her car.


Sorry Bjorn.

I edited the post quickly.


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## WyshIknew

See_Listen_Love said:


> *Congrats on pinning this snake before it gets in your pants*. A thing like this could cost you your relation easily.
> 
> Now defuse the situation according to the examples you find on many similar threads on this forum.
> 
> Do say nothing anymore at this moment to your wife. You have to gather possible evidence and just look and listen. Take a cold stance towards your wife. In absolutely no situation break down and get whining and complaining.
> 
> Demand she goes non-contact. Don't argue. If she leaves for him as far as you know or suspect, put her clothes in a bag and put it outside, the OM can have her.Tell her that when she leaves or returns if you didn't see her go.
> 
> Keep cool, it is the best chance to work on your relation. She is deep into the fog, she wants to swim with him to have sex later on.
> 
> Sorry for you, be strong.



And what makes you think this hasn't happened. She has been round to OM apartment to play 'tennis' without her husbands knowledge.


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## Hicks

This is an extreme threat to your marriage.
She is either having sex with him or will have sex with him.
A relationship / friendship / whatever she wants to call it with this level of intimacy (texting , friendhip, recreational companionship) is incompatible with marriage.
Your wife is saying "this is normal" in order to make you question your own thoughts and feelings. She wants you to back off become afraid you are a jealous maniac... That is her intent.

You must take a very hard stance here. Which means that you have to start taking steps for a divorce unless she ends all contact with him. Do not waffle on this. The threat you are facing is that strong and real. Do not have alot of discussions or negotiations with her. Offer her the choice between her marriage and this relationship.

You must also get your son out of lessons with him immediately and tell your son the reason if you need to.


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## costa200

Tennis teacher... Kid's tennis teacher... How cliché is that.

You know, this has always bugged me a bit. As a guy who works with kids and has to sometimes meet their mothers there is some weird dynamic that gets generated there. I can't quite pin it but when they see me interact with their kids that seems to push some buttons on them and some begin this weird behavior i'm not really comfortable with. 

Quite honestly if i was that way i could bed those types by the dozens. I often have to deflect their flirting behavior and although i'm not ugly i'm also not some Brad Pitt. These women should not be doing this. And i believe they would not if i wasn't in that spot. 

Is it seeing me boss their kids around (that's just what i do, it's my style of interaction with them, i don't ask, i command)? Is it actually seeing their kids behaving (yes, some behave better with me than with their parents)? Is it some weird unresolved sexualized teacher's pet thing? Am i the only guy they have a reason to interact with without seeming toxic and they try their hand? All in one?

And here is the kicker... Married ones, not widows or divorcées do it MORE... WTF! It kinda disgusts me.

OP, just out of curiosity! Do you spend time with your kid? Does your wife sees you interact with him in a mentor situation? Do you teach your kid stuff?


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## TDSC60

She is dating this guy. At his home. Lying to you about when and where she sees him.

That's totally innocent right? Sure it is.

You could have more of a problem than you suspect.

Is she taking your kid along on these "matches" at his apartment?


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## WyshIknew

OP!

Even leaving out the texting etc, she has been around to his apartment without telling you.

I would be so indescribably pissed off with my wife if she did that to me.

Tell the club, perhaps use JCD's advice, tell him to leave your wife the **** alone.
If your wife doesn't like it pack her stuff and tell her to go look after him like a son (yea right) at his apartment, offer to take her there.

You have to expose these things to stop them dead.


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## Caribbean Man

stillawake said:


> Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which *she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex. *


^^^^^^^^
THIS.

What is the connection with her desire to have a swim with him at HIS apt. complex and him teaching her tennis?

None.

She is a woman in her sexual prime looking to have sex with a man in his sexual prime. 
She 40 yrs old.
Him 25 yrs old.

Worse yet, you are PAYING FOR IT with your hard earned money.
She does NOT respect you because she LIED, and she is actively seeking his attention.
Time to put and end to her madness , and stop paying for all tennis practice / classes.

Tell her that you found a very attractive young female tennis coach who is will to coach your kids.

See her reaction.


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## F-102

Nothing going on. We're just friends. I've done nothing wrong.

Soon, (if it hasn't already) it will be:

You're too controlling. 
You're abusive. 
You're jealous.
I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you. 
I need "space".


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## Stonewall

Throw down the gauntlet! This is at the very least an EA but probably a PA.


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## JCD

I truly hope you aren't going to puss out on us because you don't want to be 'mean'.

He's a predator. She's halfway out the door. Of COURSE she's going to resent you getting in the way of her effing around. Is it any different for guys who run into a kockblocker?

And I agree with the taking the kid out of classes and telling him that mom is behaving WAY inappropriately with the other man. Another pair of eyes on her.


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## Will_Kane

stillawake said:


> My wife began playing occaisional tennis with the tennis pro that teaches our son, which I thought was fine. She's 40 and he's 25. Well they developed a friendship and I noticed that they occaisionally texted, which I also didn't think was a big deal. Then she started wanting to go see him play in tournaments. Ok...she's a tennis fan...I am too.
> 
> Well I've been noticing that she is contantly texting someone, even late at night...close to midnight, so I decide to check her phone. Turns out she and the tennis guy have been exchanging 20 to 30 texts per day. They are all pretty innocent; however, I did learn that she's been going to his apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and she had not mentioned that before.
> 
> I also discoved that she had taken him out to lunch earlier today and texted him that she would "come and keep him company". She had specifically lied to me earlier in the day when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day.
> 
> Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex.
> 
> She got really angry and told me that there is nothing inappropriate about any of this. She told me that they are just friends and then she said "he is like a son", which I know is total B.S.
> 
> She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone". Well I'm here asking. What do you guys think?


She is pursuing him. As you know, most men cannot run fast enough to get away from a woman who is pursuing them, especially a young single one. He may be afraid to poop where he eats if he makes his living giving tennis lessons to wives and kids, he won't want people to know that, but still, if she keeps up the pursuit, there is a good chance he will give in.

She wants to continue her pursuit of him. She lied to you because she knows darn well that it looks like she is pursuing him and that you wouldn't like it too much, to put it mildly. She will play all of the emotion cards she can to manipulate you into letting her pursue him under the guise of "he's just a friend, like a son." 

She will try making you feel foolish, try being angry, try being nice, throw sex at you, etc., until you agree that she is right, that they are just friends, and it is OK for her to go to his apartment and watch TV naked in his bed, like she would do with any of her friends or like a son.


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## MattMatt

F-102 said:


> Nothing going on. We're just friends. I've done nothing wrong.
> 
> Soon, (if it hasn't already) it will be:
> 
> You're too controlling.
> You're abusive.
> You're jealous.
> I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.
> I need "space".


:iagree:


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## kenmoore14217

Still my friend, the line has been crossed. Plain and simple.


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## OldWolf57

You sound like someone who knows their worth.
Well when your wife LIES to you to secretly meet another man. That is serious. 

This is NOT a game. You have to be willing to lose your marriage if you want to save it.

Answer me this. If she played at the complex, where did she shower ??

I want you to tap into your reptile brain and purposely go gro magna. Show her someone who is NOT OK with this, and her anger, tear, threats or anything else is going to change that.

Fire the bum, with a complaint to management.

And have that come to Jesus meeting with her. In fact, call him in front of her, and tell him she is takling a polygraph, and if you find out they been screwing, his world is about to go to s**t.

POLYGRAPH her a88 now.

When a wife lie to meet another man, that is deceitful


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## WyshIknew

kenmoore14217 said:


> Still my friend, the line has been crossed. Plain and simple.


Hopefully legs were crossed too........................but I doubt it!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

You bet it's wrong! 

Your wife needs to immediately stop contact with this man. This is beginnings of an emotional affair if she's not in one with him already.

My husband and I do not have any friendships of the opposite sex. It's worked nicely the last 12 years. There's no wondering or jealousy. Most of all we focus our energy on each other.


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## 40isthenew20

Another thread that gets my ears to turn red, just picturing what I'd do if this happened to me. 

If this hasn't become sexual yet, it's certainly on its way. So you have to cut its legs out (not literally, but tst may be appropriate). First thing is to find a new tennis coach for yor kid. Then tell your wife that her little teenage crush game is done. Last but not least, approach Mr. 25 and threaten his life, telling him he's putting a marriage and child in jeopardy because he wants another MILF stat. 

For good measure, break a few of his fingers so he can't ply his tennis trade for a spell.


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## SadandAngry

40isthenew20 said:


> Another thread that gets my ears to turn red, just picturing what I'd do if this happened to me.
> 
> If this hasn't become sexual yet, it's certainly on its way. So you have to cut its legs out (not literally, but tst may be appropriate). First thing is to find a new tennis coach for yor kid. Then tell your wife that her little teenage crush game is done. Last but not least, approach Mr. 25 and threaten his life, telling him he's putting a marriage and child in jeopardy because he wants another MILF stat.
> 
> For good measure, break a few of his fingers so he can't ply his tennis trade for a spell.


Do not get violent, or even threaten to! You can achieve enough with out resorting to violence.

I was going to say go into the evidence collecting mode, but really, you already have enough. Tell her she is across the line already. You need to decide if you want to let her come back to your side or not. Personally, if she maintains the line that she's done nothing wrong, I'd divorce. You can't live with ongoing lies and deceit of that magnitude.

I am sorry for your situation.


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## Kasler

Hmm, ok.

Two choices

Man up and put a stop to this, no negotiations

Or be passive and wait for another man to fvck your wife first.(if he hasn't already)

Its up to you.


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## BjornFree

SadandAngry said:


> Do not get violent, or even threaten to! You can achieve enough with out resorting to violence.
> 
> I was going to say go into the evidence collecting mode, but really, you already have enough. Tell her she is across the line already. You need to decide if you want to let her come back to your side or not. Personally, if she maintains the line that she's done nothing wrong, I'd divorce. You can't live with ongoing lies and deceit of that magnitude.
> 
> I am sorry for your situation.


:iagree:

My pacifist ass doesn't like getting beaten up by a younger guy fighting over someone that isn't worth it. That or I just don't wish to be a part of all the drama confrontations generate.


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## JCD

BjornFree said:


> :iagree:
> 
> My pacifist ass doesn't like getting beaten up by a younger guy fighting over someone that isn't worth it. That or I just don't wish to be a part of all the drama confrontations generate.


That is why God invented Tasers, baseball bats and dark alleys...

Kidding.

Ruining his cushy gig at the place will do wonders...as will speaking to the DADS who are his clients.


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## BjornFree

JCD said:


> Ruining his cushy gig at the place will do wonders...as will speaking to the DADS who are his clients.


Much better. You'll need the support of the other DADS, ever thought about spreading rumors? Kidding . Please make sure that whatever you do, its well within the legal framework.


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## Chris989

OP has gone AWOL.

Troll?

Edit: hopefully not


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## Will_Kane

stillawake said:


> She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone".


Write this down, show it to your wife, and tell your wife that you intend to "ask anyone" if they see anything wrong with this - "anyone" being your and her families and friends. Tell your wife you will take a vote, because you also are curious what they will think. This is what you should write down:

_"Dear Family and Friends of Me and Wife,

Wife and I are having a disagreement over her relationship with Tennis Coach. Wife has told me they are just friends, but I think something more is going on. Wife has told me that she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone." So I am asking you. Please read the below and tell me whether or not I have any basis to think something funny is going on between my wife and Tennis Coach:

1. Wife plays tennis with Tennis Coach.

2. Wife is 40, Tennis Coach is 25.

3. Wife says she is friends with Tennis Coach.

4. Wife started wanting to see Tennis Coach play in tournaments.

5. Wife and Tennis Coach exchange 20-30 texts per day, even late at night, close to midnight.

6. Wife has been going to Tennis Coach's apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and Wife had not mentioned this to me.

7. Wife took Tennis Coach out to lunch and and texted Tennis Coach that she would "come and keep Tennis Coach company". The day Wife took Tennis Coach to lunch, *Wife had specifically lied to me about seeing the Tennis Coach*that day when she said she had only seen Tennis Coach in the early morning and had been at work all day.

8. Wife has sent Tennis Coach about a half dozen texts in which Wife keeps asking if she can come swim with Tennis Coach in his pool at Tennis Coach's apartment complex. 

Do you think I have any reason to believe something funny is going on?

Thank you for taking the time to help me out."_

I am not suggesting that you actually show this to any of your family or friends, just that you write it out for your wife and play it out a little to see what her take on it is IF you were to actually show it to family/friends - trying to get her to budge and admit you have a valid concern.

Absolutely she already knows you have a valid concern. Like I posted earlier, she will say or do anything to get you to drop this. You have to keep coming at her like a bulldog and show her that this thing is not going to just die, and that IF push comes to shove, she will not come out of this looking too good.


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## underwater2010

At most she is in the being of an EA. There is no reason should be texting her son's tennis coach except for her son's practice times and her lesson times. And she should not be taking him out to lunch, let alone meeting him at his apartment complex.

At least she is enjoying the attention of a younger man.

Either way I think you need to put a stop to it. I would tell her that the situation is making you truly uncomfortable. Ask her how would she appreciate it if you had a hot 25 yr old female tennis coach and you were texting and meeting up with her at her apartment and lying about it. Gauge her reaction. Then tell her it needs to stop. No more lessons from this guy for her at least, maybe even a new instuctor for your son.

She is playing a game that is going to get your family burned. Ask her what she is willing to tell your son if something happens?


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## Shaggy

She giving him a huge amount of attention all times of the day and night == she's putting a lot of emotional and mental energy into him

She's lying about the amount and type and location of contact with him

She's pushing to spend more time and in situations where she can show off her body to him such as wearing a swim suit.

Oh, and she'll have to change and clean up after swimming in his apartment == perfect time to take it further.

Yeah, she's crossed major boundaries and is seeking to push them farther.

Wanna bet how she would react to you going over the apartment of a 25 yr old girl and going swimming with her? Oh, and taking her to lunch etc?

You wife is in an affair with this guy already, and she's trying to move it to a full on PA if it isn't already. Swimming could already be a little code phrase they have for hooking up.


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## Shaggy

You need to use a VAR in her can and a GPS tracker on it. Then drop by and watch what they get up to.


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## bfree

Will_Kane said:


> Write this down, show it to your wife, and tell your wife that you intend to "ask anyone" if they see anything wrong with this - "anyone" being your and her families and friends. Tell your wife you will take a vote, because you also are curious what they will think. This is what you should write down:
> 
> _"Dear Family and Friends of Me and Wife,
> 
> Wife and I are having a disagreement over her relationship with Tennis Coach. Wife has told me they are just friends, but I think something more is going on. Wife has told me that she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone." So I am asking you. Please read the below and tell me whether or not I have any basis to think something funny is going on between my wife and Tennis Coach:
> 
> 1. Wife plays tennis with Tennis Coach.
> 
> 2. Wife is 40, Tennis Coach is 25.
> 
> 3. Wife says she is friends with Tennis Coach.
> 
> 4. Wife started wanting to see Tennis Coach play in tournaments.
> 
> 5. Wife and Tennis Coach exchange 20-30 texts per day, even late at night, close to midnight.
> 
> 6. Wife has been going to Tennis Coach's apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and Wife had not mentioned this to me.
> 
> 7. Wife took Tennis Coach out to lunch and and texted Tennis Coach that she would "come and keep Tennis Coach company". The day Wife took Tennis Coach to lunch, *Wife had specifically lied to me about seeing the Tennis Coach*that day when she said she had only seen Tennis Coach in the early morning and had been at work all day.
> 
> 8. Wife has sent Tennis Coach about a half dozen texts in which Wife keeps asking if she can come swim with Tennis Coach in his pool at Tennis Coach's apartment complex.
> 
> Do you think I have any reason to believe something funny is going on?
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to help me out."_
> 
> I am not suggesting that you actually show this to any of your family or friends, just that you write it out for your wife and play it out a little to see what her take on it is IF you were to actually show it to family/friends - trying to get her to budge and admit you have a valid concern.
> 
> Absolutely she already knows you have a valid concern. Like I posted earlier, she will say or do anything to get you to drop this. You have to keep coming at her like a bulldog and show her that this thing is not going to just die, and that IF push comes to shove, she will not come out of this looking too good.


This is one heck of an idea! And if she looks at this and still insists (bluffs) that it is all innocent the OP can post this letter on Facebook or use it in some other manner to actually illicit comments from friends and family.


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## bfree

Shaggy said:


> She giving him a huge amount of attention all times of the day and night == she's putting a lot of emotional and mental energy into him
> 
> She's lying about the amount and type and location of contact with him
> 
> She's pushing to spend more time and in situations where she can show off her body to him such as wearing a swim suit.
> 
> Oh, and she'll have to change and clean up after swimming in his apartment == perfect time to take it further.
> 
> Yeah, she's crossed major boundaries and is seeking to push them farther.
> 
> Wanna bet how she would react to you going over the apartment of a 25 yr old girl and going swimming with her? Oh, and taking her to lunch etc?
> 
> You wife is in an affair with this guy already, and she's trying to move it to a full on PA if it isn't already. *Swimming could already be a little code phrase they have for hooking up.*


OP, have you verified there is a swimming pool and/or tennis courts at his apartment complex?


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## Rags

I wouldn't declare AWOL yet! OP was only put there about 7 hours ago, and it's only mid afternoon now, UK time - & on a Saturday!

Let's the OP comes back with encouraging news. Whilst this is clearly wrong, and is an affair in the making (if not already) - it miight not be too far gone yet.

I know, I know - I'm not jaded enough. So sue me!


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## mahike

Stillawake I am sorry you are here but I am glad you found this site. What your wife is doing is gaslighting. The next step is blame shifting.

I would assume that this is gone further then you know. You need to get a little more information. I would start with a key logger on the computer. Do you have access to her facebook account, email account. If you do take a look. Get a GPS and a VAR for her car. People in an A whip out the phone when they get in the car to call thier AP.

A few other things to watch for has she been shoping lately for new bras and panties? More time spent getting the hair and nails done. Also have things slowed down in the bedroom or have gone the other way and picked up more. 

Keep on your toes and go with your gut


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## F-102

She's already been to his apartment complex. Near his apartment. Near his bedroom. Near his bed...


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## MattMatt

Rags said:


> I wouldn't declare AWOL yet! OP was only put there about 7 hours ago, and it's only mid afternoon now, UK time - & on a Saturday!
> 
> Let's the OP comes back with encouraging news. Whilst this is clearly wrong, and is an affair in the making (if not already) - it miight not be too far gone yet.
> 
> I know, I know - I'm not jaded enough. So sue me!


Tennis coaches? Blocks of flats with swimming pools? Blimey, Rags! It's a whole different world! 

Hmmm... Are there more temptations to cheat in the USA? Or are the temptations in the UK there, but a little different?:scratchhead:


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## Rags

MattMatt said:


> Tennis coaches? Blocks of flats with swimming pools? Blimey, Rags! It's a whole different world!
> 
> Hmmm... Are there more temptations to cheat in the USA? Or are the temptations in the UK there, but a little different?:scratchhead:


Yeah, you're right. A whole different world - which I have visited ... *sigh*

I think you can find people who have tennis coaches over here too, although not at my pay grade!

I suspect many of the temptations are the same - and many of the settings would have direct parallels too.

Actually, when I was over in Florida on business once, I had an 'encounter' which was a blatant opportunity to cheat .... at a hotel ...


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## stillawake

ok guys, thanks. I believe that's enough input. I think it's safe to say that what she's been doing has been a blatant betrayal, even though I don't believe that it has become physical yet. All of this is making me quite ill. I can tell you that I won't stand for another minute of it. She can end this thing today or pack her things and go.


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## WyshIknew

stillawake said:


> ok guys, thanks. I believe that's enough input. I think it's safe to say that what she's been doing has been a blatant betrayal, even though I don't believe that it has become physical yet. All of this is making me quite ill. I can tell you that I won't stand for another minute of it. She can end this thing today or pack her things and go.


Good!

Let us know how you get on because you can get advice on verification etc.


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## Chaparral

WyshIknew said:


> Good!
> 
> Let us know how you get on because you can get advice on verification etc.


Also, how you handle this can help other posters no matter how things turn out.

Being firm and standing on principle is the only thing that ever works BTW. Having said that, it doesn't mean it will work. Your wife is going to act like a cornered racoon most likely.


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## Omgitsjoe

Good luck with the outcome!! Please do let us know know what she decides to do and remain strong, things happen for a reason


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## stillawake

What's really getting to me more than anything is that she would have such little regard for the importance of a stable family to our children. I'll be ok, no matter what the outcome. It's my kids that are going to suffer and that kills me.


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## Malaise

That's the thing. 

They don't care. They never do.


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## Malaise

stillawake said:


> ok guys, thanks. I believe that's enough input. I think it's safe to say that what she's been doing has been a blatant betrayal, *even though I don't believe that it has become physical yet.* All of this is making me quite ill. I can tell you that I won't stand for another minute of it. She can end this thing today or pack her things and go.


It gives me no joy to say this but given the opportunity of his apt. complex and pool visits, I and many here believe otherwise.

We all wish to be proven wrong.


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## WyshIknew

stillawake said:


> What's really getting to me more than anything is that she would have such little regard for the importance of a stable family to our children. I'll be ok, no matter what the outcome. It's my kids that are going to suffer and that kills me.


Stillawake, there is a concept on this forum called 'The Cheaters Script'
It is a script that cheaters unconciously follow and it is truly amazing how often and accurately they follow the script.
Your wife is a classic example, she is just starting to follow the script, hopefully you have caught it early.

The good news is that there is a betrayed spouse script that you can follow which is entirely concious and allows you to stay one step ahead.

Number one step is blow the affair out the water by exposing as advised. If you merely approach your wife she will likely take the affair underground leading to more aggravation later.


----------



## diwali123

She wants to get into his pants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JCD

EXPOSE! Expose to her MOM. Expose to her Best Friend.

Expose to the Management.

Do not leave her a shadow to hide the corruption in.

Make the guy have to defend his actions. Make her have to defend hers.

How exactly will she spin that? "Well mom, I just wanted to go to a man's private apartment complex...alone without my husband to hang around in his swimming pool because my husband who can afford private tennis lessons can't provide me with ANY access to a swimming pool..."

That will float like a turd in a punch bowl.


----------



## diwali123

And yes there is something primal about seeing men who work with children well. Doesn't have to be my child even. I'm not much of a "menu reader" these days because I'm very happy with my hubby. But prior to meeting him, any man who is comfortable working with children, or special needs people in general definitely got themselves a few notches higher in sex rank in my mind. There's just something comforting about knowing that a man can take care of other people, kind of like they get part of what it's like to be a good parent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli

Stillawake,

I think you confronted too early, unless you want to go straight to court. Which is completely legit, IMHO. There is no longer any legal advantage to having proof of adultery (your wife is most likely an adulteress already IMHO), but most guys generally need it to blow up the affair. It's also good when destroying OM's business, but again that also means outing your wife.

So the question from me to you is, do you want to keep your wife and jump through all the flaming hoops it takes to do that, or do you want to move on?

I agree that kids from intact households fare better all around and it's a valid reason to stay together. Let us know how you want to emerge out of this and we can help you.

If you want to come out with marriage intact, your wife contrite and submissive, a better sex life than ever, you in the driver's seat, it's not probable, but it is possible. 

What do you want?


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

40isthenew20 said:


> For good measure, break a few of his fingers so he can't ply his tennis trade for a spell.


Fvck the fingers - BREAK HIS DAMN BALLS!


----------



## BjornFree

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Fvck the fingers - BREAK HIS DAMN BALLS!


Yes... thinking up murder scenarios are all good as long as you don't put them in practice.

I don't understand the logic of fighting over someone who doesn't give a damn about what you say. That just sends a message to your wife that she is the hottest woman on planet earth. I mean, which woman wouldn't like two men competing against one another for the ultimate prize, her. She'll lap that up and then some.

Be smart OP, be smart. I think its best to take actions that cause her to wake up to the reality of the situation rather than feed the drama demon.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

Lighten up Bjorn.


----------



## BjornFree

Oh don't worry about me my dear Count, I fear that in the OP's condition he just might do that. Its on the news all the time, husband and wife's lover strangle each other while the wife finds a new lover.


----------



## Machiavelli

BjornFree said:


> Yes... thinking up murder scenarios are all good as long as you don't put them in practice.


No, they're good to put into practice. It's just the legal aftermath that you want to avoid.



BjornFree said:


> I don't understand the logic of fighting over someone who doesn't give a damn about what you say. That just sends a message to your wife that she is the hottest woman on planet earth. I mean, which woman wouldn't like two men competing against one another for the ultimate prize, her. She'll lap that up and then some.


It's the prime, A#1, primal female sex selection strategy. That's why they get wet for the last man standing. Ever wonder why a woman can just walk away with no apparent regrets from a successful relationship? It's probably a survival response from the days when they had to walk away from a dead husband and follow the man who killed him. Think Genghis Khan.

It's also the reason that women get wet for guys who work with their kids. That would be HER kids. If the guy is working and providing, in fact providing enough for private tennis coaches, she's not seeing as much overt mentoring between HER kids and her husband as she's seeing between HER kids and the professional. The professional is rested, patient, and _professional._ He's not just coming off a 9 hour day and 2 additional hours of commuting.

See, we don't live a natural life style today. It's artificial. But our bodies and limbic brains don't understand that it's not 586 AD, anymore. Our cortex knows the score, but it doesn't rule the p#ssy. That's the limbic's job.


----------



## BjornFree

Machiavelli, what would the said wife's response be if the husband didn't care enough about her to fight the other man? My guess is she'll start wondering why the husband isn't fighting the good fight, she'll realize that the husband is probably not attracted to her(or that he might be having an affair of his own). But wait, her inflated ego is telling her that she is the most attractive woman on the planet and she'll definitely get angry that the stupid husband isn't responding to her as he should, perhaps then she'll invest less time in the tennis practice and more time in her husband.


----------



## BjornFree

Machiavelli said:


> Think Genghis Khan.


Now if that ain't 'alpha' I don't know what is.


----------



## Pault

Once a partner is doing something and keeping it secret or even worse is saying they are elsewhere when in fact they are off with another person id out of order and its deciept. there are no secrets in a marridge and when there is clearly a connection here which is exceeding the tutor student relationship. From the texts you mention the W is doing most of the offering (wanting to swim in his pooletc). Time to shut this down especially if lessons are becomeing private events which you may want to let slip in front of her tennis club officials as they really will like this type of smudge on their reputation


----------



## SadandAngry

BjornFree said:


> Machiavelli, what would the said wife's response be if the husband didn't care enough about her to fight the other man? My guess is she'll start wondering why the husband isn't fighting the good fight, she'll realize that the husband is probably not attracted to her(or that he might be having an affair of his own). But wait, her inflated ego is telling her that she is the most attractive woman on the planet and she'll definitely get angry that the stupid husband isn't responding to her as he should, perhaps then she'll invest less time in the tennis practice and more time in her husband.


No the males fight for the female.

The indifferent response would merely justify the affair in the eyes of the wife.


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch

F-102 said:


> Nothing going on. We're just friends. I've done nothing wrong.
> 
> Soon, (if it hasn't already) it will be:
> 
> You're too controlling.
> You're abusive.
> You're jealous.
> I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.
> I need "space".


You're invading my privacy.
You're delusional.

Typical gas lighting, then soon it will be:

I need time to think.
We need to seperate.
I need to find what I want.

Well guess what, too late, you already decided what you wanted when you married, you already decided when you went over to his house, your actions decide for you and you can't change your mind like a child and ask for privacy like a teenager.

GTFO of my house and go stay at his place for all I give a damn but do not come back because it will be OVER, I don't give a f*&^, if you don't leave, I'll leave, here let me grab my dang suit case. (Start grabbing your crap)All the while saying, I will not tolerate my wife acting inappropriately and spending unnecessary time with another MAN and having inappropriate conversations through text and trying to justify her useless actions and all the while make me look like I am an idiot cuckold. I am so offended that you can think you can actually try to gas light me. Now I'm thinking twice of those women who invited me to play pool with them and relax in the jacuzzi with them and go bowling with them. I said you know what, my wife would not like that and even though she trusts me I consider her feelings before mine. Here you are doing worse, visiting him at his apartment to give him company while I consider you before giving my special company to women. Unf!#$%believable is what you are.

[email protected]#[email protected] see you later.


----------



## Falene

stillawake said:


> My wife began playing occaisional tennis with the tennis pro that teaches our son, which I thought was fine. She's 40 and he's 25. Well they developed a friendship and I noticed that they occaisionally texted, which I also didn't think was a big deal. Then she started wanting to go see him play in tournaments. Ok...she's a tennis fan...I am too.
> 
> Well I've been noticing that she is contantly texting someone, even late at night...close to midnight, so I decide to check her phone. Turns out she and the tennis guy have been exchanging 20 to 30 texts per day. They are all pretty innocent; however, I did learn that she's been going to his apartment complex to play tennis, not at the club where they normally play and she had not mentioned that before.
> 
> I also discoved that she had taken him out to lunch earlier today and texted him that she would "come and keep him company". She had specifically lied to me earlier in the day when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day.
> 
> Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex.
> 
> She got really angry and told me that there is nothing inappropriate about any of this. She told me that they are just friends and then she said "he is like a son", which I know is total B.S.
> 
> She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone". Well I'm here asking. What do you guys think?


What does your gut tell you? I am only pointing out that when the gut thinks something is wrong...it is right.

Your wife is out of line and out of touch. Do what you must but stop it now. What I find most disturbing is that it appears your wife is pursuing him.


----------



## Shaggy

The #1 thing people in affairs fear is blow back to their AP - I think largely because it make the person in the affair look less attractive to the AP because the blow back causes the affair to be costly for the AP.

hence, they instinctively fear blow black because the fear it will cause AP to dump them. 

you know what, they are very often right about that.

The best way to cause blow back isn't to confront the OM, instead expose what is going on to his GF/Wife, and other people around him. In this guys case - you can trash his profession by letting the other parents and his employer know what's up.

You've already seen that your wife is unwilling to either admit the affair or to back off from it. So continued confrontation with her is useless. So send some love to the OM, expose what he's doing.

btw. Don't mention that you are exposing to your wife or to the OM. Simply do it, and sit back and wait for the dust to settle.


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch

Shaggy said:


> btw. Don't mention that you are exposing to your wife or to the OM. Simply do it, and sit back and wait for the dust to settle.


:iagree:
If she will not listen to you, put the pressure in every point you can.


----------



## happyman64

stillawake said:


> What's really getting to me more than anything is that she would have such little regard for the importance of a stable family to our children. I'll be ok, no matter what the outcome. It's my kids that are going to suffer and that kills me.


Still Awake,

Yes it will suck for your kids.

But all you need to know is that your wife is a liar.

And all she has regard for is pursuing the OM. Your kids are not even in the top3 priorities of her life right now.

She is thinking OM, OM, sex.

You are thinking wife, marriage & kids.

Turn the tables now. Threaten his job at the club just to get him out of the picture.

You deal with Mrs. S.A. however you see fit.

You really know what is going on.

Good Luck

HM64


----------



## SadandAngry

stillawake said:


> What's really getting to me more than anything is that she would have such little regard for the importance of a stable family to our children. I'll be ok, no matter what the outcome. It's my kids that are going to suffer and that kills me.


You should think of her as a drug addict at this point. Rationality and thinking have nothing to do with it. She wants her dopamine, and nothing is too important to sacrifice to get it.

You sir are at war. She needs an intervention if you want to save your marriage. You need to take control, you need to do the thinking, you set the agenda. Don't trust a single word she says. If you want your marriage to have a chance, you need to set your feelings aside and deal with this crisis first and foremost. You need to be cold and calculating. Draw your boundary, lay down your conditions, and stick to them. Be prepared to hand her severe consequences.


----------



## tom67

Expose to his boss and other parents now. I would then tell her it is him or I but be prepared to help help her pack.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WyshIknew

BjornFree said:


> Machiavelli, what would the said wife's response be if the husband didn't care enough about her to fight the other man? My guess is she'll start wondering why the husband isn't fighting the good fight, she'll realize that the husband is probably not attracted to her(or that he might be having an affair of his own). But wait, her inflated ego is telling her that she is the most attractive woman on the planet and she'll definitely get angry that the stupid husband isn't responding to her as he should, perhaps then she'll invest less time in the tennis practice and more time in her husband.


Not sure if you are trying to be humorous here, apologies if you weren't.

In this type of scenario I think the WW would interpret no action by the hubby as very weak and a green light to cake eat.

You would probably see the affair escalate, WW staying out all night and making no or little attempt to hide the affair. Why should she?
In her eyes the husband would not care, she might view him with a little pity but no respect.

Eventually when the affair petered out or the OM found somebody else she would return to her husband and forgive him for driving her away.


----------



## OldWolf57

BjornFree said:


> Yes... thinking up murder scenarios are all good as long as you don't put them in practice.
> 
> I don't understand the logic of fighting over someone who doesn't give a damn about what you say. That just sends a message to your wife that she is the hottest woman on planet earth. I mean, which woman wouldn't like two men competing against one another for the ultimate prize, her. She'll lap that up and then some.
> 
> Be smart OP, be smart. I think its best to take actions that cause her to wake up to the reality of the situation rather than feed the drama demon.


BJF, let me give it to you this way. Its disrespectful to go after married women.
Some guys target those woman just to get over on the men.
You don't fight over a woman that will do that in my opinion.
But those guys ought to be held accountable.
In fact, there are many and varied ways to do anything without bringing attention to yourself in cases like this.

But this is NOT ADVICE to SA.
Believe me, many consider it spiting in their face when guys do that.
I also consider revenge to be honorable, an served cold. But thats just me.


----------



## BjornFree

WyshIknew said:


> Not sure if you are trying to be humorous here, apologies if you weren't.
> 
> In this type of scenario I think the WW would interpret no action by the hubby as very weak and a green light to cake eat.
> 
> You would probably see the affair escalate, WW staying out all night and making no or little attempt to hide the affair. Why should she?
> In her eyes the husband would not care, she might view him with a little pity but no respect.


I'm simply wondering if doing nothing but filing for divorce will drive home the message. I simply think that losing your cool and making angry outbursts and pleading with the wife to come back or fighting the tennis coach are all weak displays convey what you call ' low sex rank'.





> Eventually when the affair petered out or the OM found somebody else she would return to her husband and forgive him for driving her away.


Why do they assume that the husband wants them back?

Now I understand that not all men are willing to walk away from the life they've built with their spouses, but a man who does so will send a far more powerful message to the wayward spouse that he won't put up with her sh!t



Kasler said:


> Also I have no concern about OM. the last time I saw his b!tch ass was when I knocked him out, shortly before I was taken down by a cop, cuffed, and thrown in the back of his cruiser.


You might get primal satisfaction with such a display but they have far reaching consequences if one had kids. 

One thing I can't stand in life is drama.


----------



## WyshIknew

BjornFree said:


> I'm simply wondering if doing nothing but filing for divorce will drive home the message. I simply think that losing your cool and making angry outbursts and pleading with the wife to come back or fighting the tennis coach are all weak displays convey what you call ' low sex rank'.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why do they assume that the husband wants them back?
> 
> Now I understand that not all men are willing to walk away from the life they've built with their spouses, but a man who does so will send a far more powerful message to the wayward spouse that he won't put up with her sh!t


Ah with you now. You hadn't specified the filing for divorce bit.
That is a good strong confident move.

And they would go back to their husband as they were in cake eating mode. Their husband represents plan b but I doubt it would be long before the next affair.


----------



## BjornFree

WyshIknew said:


> Ah with you now. You hadn't specified the filing for divorce bit.
> That is a good strong confident move.
> 
> And they would go back to their husband as they were in cake eating mode. Their husband represents plan b but I doubt it would be long before the next affair.


I doubt that, once a person realizes that their spouse is not willing to be plan b(spouse filing for divorce) and if the spouse does take this person back eventually, I think that most women would toe the line


Btw WyshIknew, I actually clicked on your avatar


----------



## walkonmars

Still awake:
You, she, and everyone here knows whats going on between your wife and the coach. She just won't admit it. 

Want to prove it to her?

Ask her for her phone and keep it in your possession this weekend. Disable the computer. Ask her to stay with the kids all week end. 
Tell her this is to show that she won't be able to refrain from trying to contact coach for 48 hours. Watch her squirm like a junkie.


----------



## Machiavelli

BjornFree said:


> Machiavelli, what would the said wife's response be if the husband didn't care enough about her to fight the other man? My guess is she'll start wondering why the husband isn't fighting the good fight, she'll realize that the husband is probably not attracted to her(or that he might be having an affair of his own).


If her man will not fight for her, he does not value her. And of course, she would be right.

Why don't men fight today? Because all the women are not presently married, as they were in the recent past, nor are they allocated as wives, concubines, and wenches to the top quarter tier of men as they were in the distant past. Men don't need to fight for a woman, because another woman will be along in 5 minutes.



BjornFree said:


> But wait, her inflated ego is telling her that she is the most attractive woman on the planet and she'll definitely get angry that the stupid husband isn't responding to her as he should, perhaps then she'll invest less time in the tennis practice and more time in her husband.


No. The husband is never supposed to know. Her limbic system is telling her to gather seed from the fit, young, high quality sperm producing, worthy, young stud and make more of HER children with him. All to be financed by her hard working, proven provider drone, Stillawake.

Of course, in the event of discovery WW wants a fight to the finish. If Stillawake vanquishes Tennisboy, that means he still remains the fittest male on the scene and she is satisfied. If Tennisboy vanquishes Stillawake, then he is the fittest male and she is satisfied. This is true, even if she is merely a part of Tennisboy's harem. She's still getting nailed by the last man standing and her new kids with him, should be even better than her kids with Stillawake. This is how natural selection works. Of course, in our unnatural environment of modernity, men just have to show the behavorial cues that appeal to the woman's limbic sexuality. You don't even have to get your blade bloodied.



SadandAngry said:


> No the males fight for the female.
> 
> The indifferent response would merely justify the affair in the eyes of the wife.


This is true. Even the ignorance of an ongoing affair is justification to the WW. If the H were really her soulmate, he would sense the infidelity. 

However, if the WW believes the BH is showing no interest in fighting because she is being immediately cast out of the harem and quickly replaced with a higher value female(s) due to her adultery, she often will see this as an indicator that she has undervalued the BH's SMV. After all, women their SMV rankings of males from the reactions of other women toward those males. That's why the girls always go to the powder room to compare notes on butts and bulges.


----------



## Machiavelli

Shaggy said:


> btw. Don't mention that you are exposing to your wife or to the OM. Simply do it, and sit back and wait for the dust to settle.


That's right. Relationship talk with a woman in an affair is less than hot air. Actions, not words.


----------



## BjornFree

Still awake, I think you should expose this to the OM's girlfriend or mother or whoever and also to your in laws, a simple phone call stating that you have evidence that their daughter is having an inappropriate relationship with the tennis coach and that you won't be sticking around if she doesn't cut contact with him will do, before doing this I suggest you gather enough evidence. Also tell the management of the club, I don't think they take too kindly to such events.


----------



## Kasler

Genghis Khan, Alpha of The Millennia.


----------



## Machiavelli

Kasler said:


> Genghis Khan, Alpha of The Millennia.


Let's not forget ole Niall of the Nine Hostages, either. 3,000,000 living male descendants is nothin' to sneeze at.


----------



## WyshIknew

BjornFree said:


> Btw WyshIknew, I actually clicked on your avatar


Ha Ha knew I'd get somebody, did you see the pic of my grandson Jo-Jo, he's a cutie isn't he?

Took that in St Malo recently, very confusing for him as he is only just speaking now and hearing everyone speaking in French was confusing to him.

Sorry for threadjack still awake.


----------



## OldWolf57

Stillawake, hopefully you caught this early, and he is just stringing her along to keep her from making a complaint like one poster said. 

Go back and read all the stuff they say when BS demand NC.
Then find your mad so you won't have to even think about the garbage coming from her mouth.
You demand NO CONTACT and let her know if she object then you see it as her choosing him over her marriage. Tell her YOU don't give a DAMN about how she feel, what she say, or what any DAMN body else say. All you are concerned about is what you want and if she don't care enough for you to do as you say, then she can pack her s**t and let you know where to send the D papers. 
If I was you, I would say this in as cold as voice as I could.

And if she agree, you tell her this is her only Get Out Of Jail card. One call or txt to him and her a** is grass and yoour name is Mr. Lawn Mower.


----------



## OldWolf57

SA let me give you a scene.

Hey wife come sit here for a minute. No, now. OK, I talk you listen. Then you talk.

Ok, you have had your lil ego stroked, but now I don't like you hanging with him. Especially when YOU start to lie to me about it.

So this is how it is. Lose the friend or lose your husband.
When you lied, you showed its more then you say.

This is where she blows up with the cheaters scripted words.

You just step up to her and say " b***h did you hear what I just said ??
Oh, now you calling her a ***** !!

Say, "What else do you call a 40 yr old woman chasing a 25 yr old man. 

Then you start exposing her butt.

I take the bull by the horns first, then finish my war.


----------



## tom67

Stillawake you have got some good info and I hope you're applying some of it now, keep us up to date and good luck.


----------



## Chris989

Does anybody think that some of this thread may be a tad patronising to women? It would seem that "they" simply have no choice but to have immediate sex if an "Alpha male" comes along.

I've mentioned this before and I am not dismissing the whole alpha/beta/sex rank thing but as I understand it; women do think for themselves occasionally and are, in some limited circumstances, able to make conscious decisions that don't involve breeding.


----------



## Son of Kong

The statement I like to use is "Avoid all appearance of evil" so any thing that even hints at being inappropriate is. How would she like it if you were doing the same with a 25 yr old female personal trainer or something like that probably not very much.
In a marriage both sides should have respect for each other and her doing these things against your wishes or knowing it bothers you is a lack of respect for you and your feelings.


----------



## Machiavelli

Chris989 said:


> Does anybody think that some of this thread may be a tad patronising to women? It would seem that "they" simply have no choice but to have immediate sex if an "Alpha male" comes along.
> 
> I've mentioned this before and I am not dismissing the whole alpha/beta/sex rank thing but as I understand it; women do think for themselves occasionally and are, in some limited circumstances, able to make conscious decisions that don't involve breeding.


Limbic vs. Cortex. Which one controls the box? Actually, both can. Cortex when it's calculated: woman fvcks fat boss to get promotion. Limbic when it's a force of nature: woman maneuvers hot young boss alone in storeroom after regular working hours and never has a rational thought about husband and kids.

Ever heard of the Rationalization Hamster?


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch

Limbic systems, they all work the same in all mammals.

I wonder what the OP is up too.


----------



## indiecat

20 to 30 texts a day? More than enough proof of a EA. If you love tell her she has to come clean if there is any chance for your family to continue. Tell her you won't be made a fool of.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

walkonmars said:


> Still awake:
> You, she, and everyone here knows whats going on between your wife and the coach. She just won't admit it.
> 
> Want to prove it to her?
> 
> Ask her for her phone and keep it in your possession this weekend. Disable the computer. Ask her to stay with the kids all week end.
> Tell her this is to show that she won't be able to refrain from trying to contact coach for 48 hours. Watch her squirm like a junkie.


Actually, her squirming because the phone has been taken away won't really prove anything. I work in the cellphone industry and you should see how people react when they don't have their smartphone fix for an hour or two.


----------



## tom67

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Actually, her squirming because the phone has been taken away won't really prove anything. I work in the cellphone industry and you should see how people react when they don't have their smartphone fix for an hour or two.


Delerium tremors lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadandAngry

Yeah, just imagine the withdrawal if TAM went down. I might even have to do some work!


----------



## F-102

WyshIknew said:


> Ha Ha knew I'd get somebody, did you see the pic of my grandson Jo-Jo, he's a cutie isn't he?
> 
> Took that in St Malo recently, very confusing for him as he is only just speaking now and hearing everyone speaking in French was confusing to him.
> 
> Sorry for threadjack still awake.


Ha ha! Looks like my nephew!


----------



## barbados

She is either already having sex with him or wants to very badly. Confront her, tell her its him or you, and be prepared to have to kick her out the door ! Let the 25 year old support her !! and when he gets bored with her (which he will because he's only 25) then what does she have ??


----------



## workindad

Concur- she knows what she's doing is wrong. She just doesn't want to face it. Question for her- how many mothers show their 25 year old sons this level of attention? Ask her that one- not healthy at all.

WD


----------



## SadandAngry

All the questions that require thought or rationality, empathy, what ever, are totally useless. She isn't rational at this point! She's a fvcking junkie! Junkies don't think about if that next hit is going to be good for them, if it's fair, if they should do it or not. They just want their damned fix!


----------



## See_Listen_Love

stillawake said:


> Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex.


I read this 'keep asking' as in she wants it, but he didn't yet want it.

Do you mean that she asked and really went swimming several times?


----------



## See_Listen_Love

stillawake said:


> What's really getting to me more than anything is that she would have such little regard for the importance of a stable family to our children. I'll be ok, no matter what the outcome. It's my kids that are going to suffer and that kills me.


Then that is your motivation to follow the standard procedure, give her a reality check, and see if she comes back to you.

But to have her back you first have to let her go mentally!


----------



## mrstj4sho88

*So your W is taking private lessons. This young,hot, and sexy eyecandy is her target now. She wants him to be her boy toy. I am not trying to be funny. But why would you have your W around this sexy,hot and sweating young man? You just asking for all kinds of trouble. I hate to tell you but it sounds like it is not him. It is your W running after him. Jmo she has not gotten what she wants from him yet. You could report him to his job . I am wishing you luck with this one.*


----------



## Picking up the pieces

Haven't had time to read all the replies you've gotten, but I have to say that even if she hasn't been intimate with that guy yet, she most certainly has done something wrong. Their behavior isn't that of just friends. If you were the one doing it, she'd feel differently. Sorry you're going through this. But yeah, she's done something wrong just with the part you described.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

At minimum, she has already had him fvck her every which way in her mind - now she wants the real thing. Like someone else pointed out, this may not be her first rodeo.


----------



## mrstj4sho88

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> At minimum, she has already had him fvck her every which way in her mind - now she wants the real thing. Like someone else pointed out, this may not be her first rodeo.


:iagree:

*Let me tell you dreaming about a man making love to you is powerful. Because the dream has everything being great! I hope she has not had sex with him. Her texts talks about swimming which could be code for sex. *


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch

Have not seen the OP for several pages. I hope he is doing ok.


----------



## Chris989

I'll bet after reading the replies he is either curled up in a corner crying, or he's murdered the tennis coach with his bare hands


----------



## Machiavelli

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Have not seen the OP for several pages. I hope he is doing ok.





Chris989 said:


> I'll bet after reading the replies he is either curled up in a corner crying, or he's murdered the tennis coach with his bare hands


I'm sure he was expecting us to tell him to wine and dine and woo her back via some type of Plan A wimpitude. Unfortunately, most modern guys (under 40) don't have a hidden inner alpha to unleash on a woman (my daughter gives me an earful at least once a month on that fact), but you can build one, if you only recognize the need. Like the MC used to say "Leaders are made, not born."


----------



## Caribbean Man

Machiavelli said:


> I'm sure he was expecting us to tell him to wine and dine and woo her back via some type of Plan A wimpitude. *Unfortunately, most modern guys (under 40) don't have a hidden inner alpha to unleash on a woman (my daughter gives me an earful at least once a month on that fact), but you can build one, if you only recognize the need. Like the MC used to say "Leaders are made, not born."*


:iagree:

Lots of brainwsahing taking place.
Long ago the term used was " Macho man."
Now the politically correct term is " Metro man."

Back in the days the stars were the likes of John Wayne, Jack Palance , al Pacino, and Charles Bronson. These were the real macho men.
Today they have been replaced by a bunch of wimpy stereotypes.


----------



## Chris989

I think I've figured out why I object to the Alpha/Beta theories so much and it's only just hit me. I'm not saying it's wrong by any means, but rather than threadjack, I'll start a new one


----------



## WyshIknew

OP was last on site at 6:50 pm yesterday, he might be involved in an almighty ding dong with his wife and the OM at the moment, telling them where he is going to stuff their tennis raquets.

He might still be back.


----------



## MattMatt

WyshIknew said:


> OP was last on site at 6:50 pm yesterday, he might be involved in an almighty ding dong with his wife and the OM at the moment, telling them where he is going to stuff their tennis raquets.
> 
> He might still be back.


Hope it goes well for him.


----------



## stillawake

Hey guys. To be honest, I kind of wish this tread would stop. Many of you seem jaded and are offering the worst case scenarios. 

But to benenfit any future people in my situation. So here's how it went. After the kids went to bed, I sat her down and had the come to Jesus talk. The first thing I asked her if whether she wanted a divorce. I also showed her all the replies (up though page 4) in this post. She still claimed that everything is perfectly innocent that their only interaction, text or otherwise, involved tennis. I can verify that "most" of the texts were about tennis. Others were just random stupid converation. She said they played tennis at his complex because all the courts at the club were full those days. 

I didn't get much of an aswer as to why she lied to me about her whereabouts the day before (when they went to lunch) or why she's been pushing to swim with him. She basically said "I don't know" Luckily they have't actually been swiming yet. She did say she took him to luch because he strung her raquet for free.

The good news is that she admitted that the texting was excessive, (blamed it on the fact that she is crazy about tennis). She has agreed to stop the texting, the tennis, and our son's lessons with him. I tried to explain the concept of EA, but she really didn't seem to buy into it. I do feel really bad for our son, because he and the tennis coach did have a good relationship.

She adamently said that she has never been to his apartment and I believe her. I think after 17 years, I can usually tell when she's being truthfull. 

It really does look like she was pursusing him, but not really in a hot and heavy sense. Now that she's caught, I think it's a wakeup call and she realizes the severe consequences and I believe that she'll fall into line. Even though I appear to have caught this early and prevented a PA, I still fell like ****. I'm taking xanax and pounding vodka just to deal with it. Going through the emotional rollercoaster today. You think after this long, you know someone and can trust them. 

I'm just really lucky that my gut told me something was wrong and to check her phone. If I'd waited a few more weeks, I'd probably be filing for divorce.


----------



## tom67

Sounds good for now but stay vigilant! Trust but verify.


----------



## JCD

There are a lot of cynics here, tis true. But maybe they learned the hard way.

You know what? I didn't believe in EAs either. I was 'just friends' with this woman for years. But it got to the point that I resented spending time with my wife/kids/job etc.

Is that healthy? No.

Being into tennis may be an unconscious mental rationalization to just be near the guy.

Tell her she can have any FEMALE tennis instructor she wants. She is off the mixed doubles circuit forever.

YOU didn't do this! YOU have nothing to feel guilty about.

You might have shaken the fog out of her...but be careful.

I'm betting in a few weeks, quite rationally, she's going to come to you and say "Little Jimmy's new instructor sucks. He doesn't like him and he's not learning. Why are you punishing him?"

Of course, YOU work so you aren't available to drop him off to all his sessions and guess who is there to take in the slack?

You know the proper answer.

Do you understand the concept of 'trickle truth'?


----------



## JCD

And I would (privately at this point) have a meeting with the head of the club and this guy.

His hands are not clean. SURE he offered to restring her racquet for free. What a GREAT FUC*ING GUY he is!

Tell the manager in front of him exactly what he did and how you don't appreciate him treating the club like his sexual buffet. If you see any of that activitiy again, you'll talk to a bunch of the other married husbands and see what they think of the situation.


----------



## mrstj4sho88

*First you should know that a cheater is a lair and a user. You will never know everything that happened. You do know she did lie to you. W might just hide it better now. I hope it is over and done with now. You seem like a sweet man who loves his family. Just keep your eyes open from now on. *


*It is some wonderful people here who tell it like it. If you sugarcoat it , you miss the point of the answers. You might not like it coming from everyone. But one thing is true that young man got your W noise wide open. You might close the door on this one . But you got to ask yourself why she was looking? Don't think it has anything to do with you. Hopefully your W did not get a sample of the OM. *


----------



## JCD

You said:



> She adamently said that she has never been to his apartment and I believe her. I think after 17 years, I can usually tell when she's being truthfull.



Yet you said in the Original Post:



> I also discoved that she had taken him out to lunch earlier today and texted him that she would "come and keep him company". *She had specifically lied to me earlier in the day *when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day.


So, did your 17 years of marriage reveal her lie or did you need to discover it the old fashioned way?

Don't let hubris and pride make you rugsweep this. I think you nipped it in the bud but it needs to STAY nipped.

And you didn't get much of an answer on the swimming because she doesn't like what was going through her mind and certainly can't explain it to you.

Check to see if she's bought any new swimming suits recently. If so, how demure are they?


----------



## Acabado

Glad to hear your confrontation went well... mostly.
She still has to won her sh1t. 


> I didn't get much of an aswer as to why she lied to me about her whereabouts the day before (when they went to lunch) or why she's been pushing to swim with him. She basically said *"I don't know"*


Bull. I don't know doesn't cut. At all. Multiple lies. Lies are about control. People lie to obtain a desired outome (to avoir conflict, to hide something, to be free to do something... you name it). She knows whay she lied. She has t oadress it.
She doesn't buy the EA, well she has to read about it. Even it wasn't an EA it was more than tennis obsession. She knows it. Why lying if not? Why admiting texting so much was wrong? why accepting giving up tennis altogether (her obsession, something healthy puting aside OM otherwise).
You son can have his lessons with another teacher and your wife doesn't have to be so involved with him.

She has own her sh1t, to admit at least he was atracted to this young man, she craved his company. I think she has to be honest with herslef. Accepting those boundaires are nice but not only becuase you put them or out of respect but becasue they are fair and based.


----------



## BjornFree

My guess is that your tennis coach was banging a younger woman to even notice your wife. Stay vigilant.


----------



## mrstj4sho88

JCD said:


> You might have shaken the fog out of her...but be careful.
> 
> I'm betting in a few weeks, quite rationally, she's going to come to you and say "Little Jimmy's new instructor sucks. He doesn't like him and he's not learning. Why are you punishing him?"


:iagree:
*Might just get better at hiding it. W will try and make OP feel bad about the coaching change. The OP has done nothing wrong. *


----------



## Jonesey

I think this guy is in for a very ling ride

Listen to what JCD Wrote .Its copy and paste 

*And I would (privately at this point) have a meeting with the head of the club and this guy.

His hands are not clean. SURE he offered to restring her racquet for free. What a GREAT FUC*ING GUY he is!

Especially this
Tell the manager in front of him exactly what he did and how you don't appreciate him treating the club like his sexual buffet. If you see any of that activitiy again, you'll talk to a bunch of the other married husbands and see what they think of the situation.*


----------



## mrstj4sho88

JCD said:


> You said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yet you said in the Original Post:
> 
> 
> 
> So, did your 17 years of marriage reveal her lie or did you need to discover it the old fashioned way?
> 
> Don't let hubris and pride make you rugsweep this.
> 
> And you didn't get much of an answer on the swimming because she doesn't like what was going through her mind and certainly can't explain it to you.
> 
> Check to see if she's bought any new swimming suits recently. If so, how demure are they?


:iagree:


* IMHO she is playing the I don't know game with you (that is bulls..). Because she did not come clean ,I don't think this is over yet. With all this rugsweep going on, you had better be careful and keep your eyes open. She went to his apt complex tennis court because (excuses excuses) not one opening at the club wtf . Oh where was she going to change into her swimsuit? IMHO all kinds of red flags going off now. This is not her first time playing the cheaters game.*


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

stillawake said:


> Hey guys. To be honest, I kind of wish this tread would stop. Many of you seem jaded and are offering the worst case scenarios.


SA, thanks for checking back in. I really hope that you caught this early enough. We're jaded because we've all been cheated on (or cheated) and have just about seen it all. Your situation follows the cheater's script to a 'T'. The fact that she was pursuing a hot younger man and lying to you means that the worst case scenario is where this was headed. Stay vigilant. You might also want to get your wife to join you in marriage counseling because she seem to have the fever for the flavor of other men.


----------



## TBT

stillawake said:


> Hey guys. To be honest, I kind of wish this tread would stop. Many of you seem jaded and are offering the worst case scenarios.
> 
> But to benenfit any future people in my situation. So here's how it went. After the kids went to bed, I sat her down and had the come to Jesus talk. The first thing I asked her if whether she wanted a divorce. I also showed her all the replies (up though page 4) in this post. She still claimed that everything is perfectly innocent that their only interaction, text or otherwise, involved tennis. I can verify that "most" of the texts were about tennis. Others were just random stupid converation. She said they played tennis at his complex because all the courts at the club were full those days.
> 
> I didn't get much of an aswer as to why she lied to me about her whereabouts the day before (when they went to lunch) or why she's been pushing to swim with him. She basically said "I don't know" Luckily they have't actually been swiming yet. She did say she took him to luch because he strung her raquet for free.
> 
> The good news is that she admitted that the texting was excessive, (blamed it on the fact that she is crazy about tennis). She has agreed to stop the texting, the tennis, and our son's lessons with him. I tried to explain the concept of EA, but she really didn't seem to buy into it. I do feel really bad for our son, because he and the tennis coach did have a good relationship.
> 
> She adamently said that she has never been to his apartment and I believe her. I think after 17 years, I can usually tell when she's being truthfull.
> 
> It really does look like she was pursusing him, but not really in a hot and heavy sense. Now that she's caught, I think it's a wakeup call and she realizes the severe consequences and I believe that she'll fall into line. Even though I appear to have caught this early and prevented a PA, I still fell like ****. I'm taking xanax and pounding vodka just to deal with it. Going through the emotional rollercoaster today. You think after this long, you know someone and can trust them.
> 
> I'm just really lucky that my gut told me something was wrong and to check her phone. If I'd waited a few more weeks, I'd probably be filing for divorce.


stillawake,glad things worked out for you and that you listened to your gut.So be vigilant and focus more on the advice here and not the scenarios.Posters here don't want to see you going through what they have or are going through themselves.Something along the lines of "hope for the best,plan for the worst." Good luck.


----------



## Shaggy

Trust but verify.

Dint you think that went just a bit too easy? That she had an answer for everything, and just dumped this guy she had been pursuing hard so very easily?

I'm sorry if you think me cynical, I'm not really, I take on big longshot challenges in real life and believe that with work good things do happen.

I also have a keen gut instinct, and it's telling me you really need to be vigilant for the next three to four months. I recommend a VAR in her car, along with checking her cell bill and her daily whereabouts, because sir, that was just too easy.


----------



## Jonesey

Shaggy said:


> Trust but verify.
> 
> *Dint you think that went just a bit too easy? That she had an answer for everything, and just dumped this guy she had been pursuing hard so very easily?*
> 
> Sadly we will be seeing him back here.
> 
> OP please read what Shaggy wrote.And i bolded.
> 
> 
> I'm sorry if you think me cynical, I'm not really, I take on big longshot challenges in real life and believe that with work good things do happen.
> 
> I also have a keen gut instinct, and it's telling me you really need to be vigilant for the next three to four months. I recommend a VAR in her car, along with checking her cell bill and her daily whereabouts, because sir, that was just too easy.


----------



## Machiavelli

Shaggy said:


> I also have a keen gut instinct, and it's telling me you really need to be vigilant for the next three to four months. I recommend a VAR in her car, along with checking her cell bill and her daily whereabouts, because sir, that was just too easy.


It doesn't hurt to pay attention. Be cool about everything, all worries are put to rest etc. Then sit back and monitor. GPS and VAR the car. keylog her computer. Two months will tell the tale.


----------



## mrstj4sho88

Shaggy said:


> Trust but verify.
> 
> Dint you think that went just a bit too easy? That she had an answer for everything, and just dumped this guy she had been pursuing hard so very easily?
> 
> because sir, that was just too easy.


:iagree:


----------



## Machiavelli

Shaggy said:


> Dint you think that went just a bit too easy? That she had an answer for everything, and just dumped this guy she had been pursuing hard so very easily?


If I listen long enough to you, 
I'll find a way to believe that's it all true.


----------



## OldWolf57

go read LostCPA thread " False recovery "

Dude,, there is nothing special about your situation. We see this EVERYDAY !!!

What I can say is that you acted in time.
I understand wanting this to end here !! But listen well to the voices of expierence in this section

You don't have to be james bond, but be aware of your gut for the next few months.

Good Luck and God Bless

P.S. So after playing tennis at his place, she got into her car sweaty without changing ??


----------



## JCD

OldWolf57 said:


> go read LostCPA thread " False recovery "
> 
> Dude,, there is nothing special about your situation. We see this EVERYDAY !!!
> 
> What I can say is that you acted in time.
> I understand wanting this to end here !! But listen well to the voices of expierence in this section
> 
> You don't have to be james bond, but be aware of your gut for the next few months.
> 
> Good Luck and God Bless
> 
> P.S. So after playing tennis at his place, she got into her car sweaty without changing ??



Let's not paint his wife as wholly without morals.

It takes a while for someone to talk themselves into breaking their vows. It's a long process.

So no, I don't THINK she's gotten all non-tennis sweaty with the guy yet. But as you noted OP, SHE kept asking HIM to go swimming.

DO NOT IGNORE THAT!

There is something off in your marriage. It could be your wife. It could be your relationship.

So fix that too. Not necessarily romancing her. I'd suggest some light MC.


----------



## SadandAngry

You need to get spyware onto her cellphone too. The bills will tell you something maybe amiss at the end of the month. Spyware will let you know exactly what's going on, as soon as you check it.

There is no way, no way she came clean. Not that easy. She's just placating you and going underground. 

Get your monitors in place, then raise your concerns with the tennis club manager, with the guy present, and then you'll catch the truth. And you will likely stop this affair dead in its tracks.

Then all you need to do is salvage what's left, and figure out together how to do that.


----------



## SadandAngry

I feel that of you let up now, if you fail to follow through, you'll wind up like DevistatedDad. Check out his initial post. He confronted an EA, thought he had it nipped in the bud. Less than 2 months later he caught on to it again as a full blown PA.


----------



## tom67

I also would go to the club tell his boss print out and show the amount of texts but most important why you are going somewhere else AND you are going to let others know. They will probably fire him because of the damage you could inflict through bad pr.


----------



## The Cro-Magnon

If it's all just about "tennis and only tennis" I'm sure she'll have no objections to leaving that club, promising to never see, speak to, or even think about the young prick OM ever again, and will be happy to go to another tennis club that will function just as adequately. 

Also, last time I checked, secret lunch dates and swimming sessions at another man's place of residence, were not activities relevant to tennis in any form that I am aware of
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WyshIknew

Got a funny 'gut' feeling that OP won't be back. I think he is in denial really.
He seems a little fed up that we largely took a 'worst case scenario' view of the whole thing, however he was the one posting on the Coping with Infidelity section of this forum.:scratchhead:

What did he expect us to say? "You're wifes a princess, nothing to see here, move along"?

But I can sort of see where he is coming from, 20 years ago it was ok (well not ok, but you know what I mean) for me to suspect my wife of an affair. But I got pretty pissed at anyone else who suggested it.

Hopefully we won't see him back in a month or two, and that this was the wake up call they both needed.

And if this was just an innocent infatuation with tennis that may have developed further she may be feeling a bit fed up that he didn't trust her. But I bet that a couple of weeks down the road she is secretly pleased that her man was prepared to go all "GRRRRRR ROOOOOAR" because he was worried at losing her.


----------



## Machiavelli

WyshIknew said:


> Got a funny 'gut' feeling that OP won't be back. I think he is in denial really.


Just like 80% of the guys who come here. Only a few have the guts to return later and say "you guys called it, what do I do now?"


----------



## OldWolf57

JCD, she said they played on the courts at his apartments because the ones at the club was full.

I grew up playing. You get sweaty as hell. I mean soaking wet.

I can't see a woman getting in her car that way. So where did she change ?? She said she NEVER been in his place. So where in the hell did she change.


----------



## mrstj4sho88

OldWolf57 said:


> JCD, she said they played on the courts at his apartments because the ones at the club was full.
> 
> I grew up playing. You get sweaty as hell. I mean soaking wet.
> 
> I can't see a woman getting in her car that way. So where did she change ?? She said she NEVER been in his place. So where in the hell did she change.


:iagree:

*Cheaters say (lie about) alot of things. IMHO she has been into the OM apartment.W is not telling OP everything. *


----------



## Chris989

OldWolf57 said:


> JCD, she said they played on the courts at his apartments because the ones at the club was full.
> 
> I grew up playing. You get sweaty as hell. I mean soaking wet.
> 
> I can't see a woman getting in her car that way. So where did she change ?? She said she NEVER been in his place. So where in the hell did she change.


This detail is where he could unravel it all, but as has been said I bet the OP has gone.


----------



## mrstj4sho88

Chris989 said:


> This detail is where he could unravel it all, but as has been said I bet the OP has gone.


*
He is not gone just reading our comments..Later he will response*


----------



## The Cro-Magnon

Just to sidetrack, anyone else think that the OM gets off scot-free way too often in these stories? Something inside me is just SCREAMING for this bloke to suffer at least SOME form of consequence.

How can the OM be free of all fear of repercussion to pursue married women via the club he is professionally employed at?

I personally think he should be drubbed to within an inch of his life, and _then_ fired by the tennis club to boot.


----------



## WyshIknew

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> Just to sidetrack, anyone else think that the OM gets off scot-free way too often in these stories? Something inside me is just SCREAMING for this bloke to suffer at least SOME form of consequence.
> 
> How can the OM be free of all fear of repercussion to pursue married women via the club he is professionally employed at?
> 
> I personally think he should be drubbed to within an inch of his life, and _then_ fired by the tennis club to boot.


Yep, quite agree, still think the OP should at the very least write a letter to the club highlighting his concerns.

And when you think about it, although he should be professional enough to deflect the advances of women throwing themselves at him, he did not stand at the altar and make a vow to love and honour to the exclusion of all others. That would be down to the wives.


----------



## KevinScotland

Ok,

Not read the whole thread yet but I've read enough.

This is classic "fog" and EA.

Typical stupid older woman trying to act like a teenager.

Am sure she likes this guy and she wants him to give her one. She obviously thinks your a doormat and she can get away with it. As far as I can see she has no respect for you or marriage. Once a woman starts acting like this towards her husband (or husband towards his wife) all respect has gone. Man up, get tough no one should be treated this way. Show her your man side. Put down boundarys. Show her your not gonna stand for this. And if you HAVE too. Kick her out and divorce her.

Seriously that the only way to get respect back and maybe save your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## The Cro-Magnon

WyshIknew said:


> Yep, quite agree, still think the OP should at the very least write a letter to the club highlighting his concerns.
> 
> And when you think about it, although he should be professional enough to deflect the advances of women throwing themselves at him, he did not stand at the altar and make a vow to love and honour to the exclusion of all others. That would be down to the wives.


A marriage is a legal and real thing, that SHOULD be afforded respect by people. But it isn't. The average person seems to have no respect whatsoever for the institution of marriage, ie, other people's marriages, and that is not right.

If I were to burn down someone elses' property, I would rightfully be held accountable. But should a young unattached male work to seduce a man's wife (with whom the man can not compete btw, as he is busy working, and has no mystery left about him, as his wife has seen him naked, and at his worst, and washes his underpants even, while the OM can just talk complete crap and she will think he is marvellous & mysterious) then apparently it is not his fault, as the wife should bear all fault for not saying "no"

Imagine if in the OP's situation, she came onto the tennis coach, and inside the young tennis coach's mind formed the thoughts "I'd love to pork this MILF, she is an easy thing, but I also don't want to be stabbed/shot/beaten into being a pulp, so I am going to give this woman the BIG cold shoulder!"

Nothing would have happened, everyone would be happy.

No fear of any consequences, and the little **** is SMSing her at all hours, and having her over to his apartment to swim in his pool.


----------



## KevinScotland

Oh yea,

Just wait until she starts blaming you for this happening in the first place cause that's gonna be the next rubbish she's gonna try an hit you with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KevinScotland

It really does get me so angry all this stuff.

In anything else in life there's major legal consequences for deceite, corruption, lying, fraud but when it comes to marriages and the ABUSE suffered by a spouse from the party involved in the infidelity there is no real source of action to correct the wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Headspin

KevinScotland said:


> Oh yea,
> 
> Just wait until she starts blaming you for this happening in the first place cause that's gonna be the next rubbish she's gonna try an hit you with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep the old and never to be replaced 

"...and you made me do it .....!!"


----------



## KevinScotland

Yup,

I've become very cynical about all this stuff since my own situation with my wife went down this path.

I just wish I'd caught on sooner and went with my gut feeling. I might have been able to have saved my marriage if I'd only "maned up".

I've watched the woman I loved. Trusted, gave everything too honestly and willingly who was brought up with strong morals and taught to respect people turn into a lying self centred cold horrid woman.

Her affair was one thing. I think all of the LBS on here are here to move past an affair and try to reconcile there marriages. We're willing to forgive the infidelity but the lies and deception the more it goes on and the more you watch your wife turn into this kind of person the more it hurts.

My situation (if yous would like to comment I'd like that) has ripped my apart inside totally. It's changed my very being. I liked who I was. Now that person is gone and am left to pick up the pieces and am now a very cynical and bitter person.

Catch these so called EA quick to stand any chance of saving your marriage and self.

Once it's gone so far if you take them back your a doormat and ya might as well put a gun to your head cause that's all respect gone.

Don't think your being understanding and nice taking them back. They view this as a get out of jail free card to treat you like an ass for the rest of your life.

Learn about gaslighting. That's the level of evil your spouse is willing to lay on you. And you'd take that back. WOW if ya do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Headspin

KevinScotland said:


> Yup,
> 
> I've become very cynical about all this stuff since my own situation with my wife went down this path.
> 
> I just wish I'd caught on sooner and went with my gut feeling. I might have been able to have saved my marriage if I'd only "maned up".
> 
> I've watched the woman I loved. Trusted, gave everything too honestly and willingly who was brought up with strong morals and taught to respect people turn into a lying self centred cold horrid woman.
> 
> Her affair was one thing. I think all of the LBS on here are here to move past an affair and try to reconcile there marriages. We're willing to forgive the infidelity but the lies and deception the more it goes on and the more you watch your wife turn into this kind of person the more it hurts.
> 
> My situation (if yous would like to comment I'd like that) has ripped my apart inside totally. It's changed my very being. I liked who I was. Now that person is gone and am left to pick up the pieces and am now a very cynical and bitter person.
> 
> Catch these so called EA quick to stand any chance of saving your marriage and self.
> 
> Once it's gone so far if you take them back your a doormat and ya might as well put a gun to your head cause that's all respect gone.
> 
> Don't think your being understanding and nice taking them back. They view this as a get out of jail free card to treat you like an ass for the rest of your life.
> 
> Learn about gaslighting. That's the level of evil your spouse is willing to lay on you. And you'd take that back. WOW if ya do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey you must have met my wife! (stbxw)

I'm there with this too 
Biggest bomb for me was after all the serial cheating, lies, deceit hurting the kids, destroying the marriages of other families, she has never really owned it, never shown any unconditional remorse.

That has made me aware of a huge thing - I got her wrong from the start, 15 yrs ago - all that fluffiness and warmth and cuteness and that person you thought you fell in love with did'nt change over time - _She was always like that_ but your / my love has simply clouded it it over and given you a nice image of a person who is in fact not there at all. The realization of this is bad mental **** for you / me

It's an even bigger deception than you ever imagined and your ideal marriage was in fact a complete facade and tissue of lies from start to finish 

Like you, now I am changed forever.

I don't particularly like myself atm as I can see and feel what this has done - I feel used abused and tampered with, angry and bitter but hey as she now says 

"We have to put it all behind us and be friends for the children" !!!


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## KevinScotland

Also,

Your wife is 40. Now unless she's Pamela Anderson or someone like that give her enough rope to hang herself. Reality check dude. This guys 25, she's 40. Let her go buy stockings and crap like that. Trust me this young stud will eventually just view her as a desperate stupid old woman. Mutton dressed as lamb. Let her make a complete ass out herself. Just make sure she's not making an ass out of you.

Either NC with this guy. Major grovelling to you for this crap and for her to now treat you like a king until this deception is righted or option 2, divorce her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wazza

Guys, we need to chill.

OP has laid out his situation. The discussion here has listed the risks. But they are risks, not foregone conclusions. People have also looked at the wife's story, and suggested details that might warrant further investigation. Again something for OP to consider.

I don't see how it helps to carpet bomb the OP with stories that didn't have a happy ending. Some marriages do work out. Some people do recover from affairs.


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## KevinScotland

Agreed,

Just very sensitive at the moment due to my own situation.

Your right
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KevinScotland

Don't wanna hijack but would really like to get some feedback on the hell am going through just now.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-.../57639-looking-help-guidance.html#post1118721
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane

stillawake said:


> *The first thing I asked her if whether she wanted a divorce. I also showed her all the replies (up though page 4) in this post.* She still claimed that everything is perfectly innocent that their only interaction, text or otherwise, involved tennis. I can verify that "most" of the texts were about tennis. Others were just random stupid converation. She said they played tennis at his complex because all the courts at the club were full those days.
> 
> *I didn't get much of an aswer as to why she lied to me about her whereabouts the day before (when they went to lunch) or why she's been pushing to swim with him. She basically said "I don't know" *Luckily they have't actually been swiming yet. She did say she took him to luch because he strung her raquet for free.
> 
> The good news is that she admitted that the texting was excessive, (blamed it on the fact that she is crazy about tennis). *She has agreed to stop the texting, the tennis, and our son's lessons with him.* I tried to explain the concept of EA, but she really didn't seem to buy into it. I do feel really bad for our son, because he and the tennis coach did have a good relationship.
> 
> She adamently said that she has never been to his apartment and I believe her. I think after 17 years, I can usually tell when she's being truthfull.
> 
> It really does look like she was pursusing him, but not really in a hot and heavy sense. *Now that she's caught, I think it's a wakeup call and she realizes the severe consequences *and I believe that she'll fall into line. Even though I appear to have caught this early and prevented a PA, I still fell like ****. I'm taking xanax and pounding vodka just to deal with it. Going through the emotional rollercoaster today. You think after this long, you know someone and can trust them.
> 
> I'm just really lucky that my gut told me something was wrong and to check her phone. If I'd waited a few more weeks, I'd probably be filing for divorce.


You did a good job of catching it early. If there were more to it, you probably would have seen it in the texts.

You were lucky you caught it. You also were lucky that 25yo tennis guy apparently didn't reciprocate and wasn't very aggressive.

Reading between the lines, I guess your wife did not convince you that her interests were only platonic. 

You also did a pretty good job on confronting her. It was key that you started the conversation by bringing up divorce. 

*You should not accept "I don't know" as the answer to the question of lying to you about her lunch with him and the apparent obsession with going swimming with him.* She asked him a half dozen times to go swimming, she must have a reason, and "I don't know" isn't it. 

"I don't know" is just another lie. Your wife is not going to respect you (or respect you as much) if you let her get away with telling you lies. Coming clean, owning up to her motives, and telling you the truth is part of the consequences of her actions. By pushing her on this, you are showing her that you will not accept her lies, that you have self-respect, that you value yourself as much as you do her. It may seem like a small point to you now, you are a little worn down emotionally from going through just what you have, the shock of realization that your wife was pursuing another man without regard to the consequences to your family, but it is important to see this thing to the end, and not just let it slide with the lie of ("I don't know") being her final explanation of it to you.

You may be completely happy in your marriage, but it appears that she is not. She is not seeing your marriage the same way that you are. You should try to find out what is going on with her, what is the cause of this, and see if you can't use it to improve your marriage. "I don't know" is not the reason she did it. You are not going to heal from this with "I don't know."


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## F-102

Now, to give the W the benefit of the doubt, maybe she TRULY believed that she had done nothing wrong. She probably saw it as friendliness from someone who happened to be the opposite sex.

She knew that it was totally innocent to take tennis lessons from him, and maybe it was true.

She thought:

"What could it hurt if I stay and talk a little bit more with him when I drop off/pick up my son from his lessons?"
"What could it hurt if I took lessons from him?"
"What could it hurt if I went to go watch him play in a tournament?"
"What could it hurt if I texted him?"
"What could it hurt if I let him restring my racquet for free?"
"What could it hurt if I treated him to a free lunch?"
"What could it hurt if I went over to his apartment for a private lesson or two?"
"What could it hurt if I don't tell my H this?"
"What could it hurt if I went swimming with him?"
"What could it hurt if I met him for drinks?"
"What could it hurt if I bought new lingerie?"
"What could it hurt if I hugged him?"
"What could it hurt if I gave him just one little kiss?"
"What could it hurt if I went to see that movie with him?"
"What could it hurt if we made out just a little?"
"What could it hurt if I went to his apartment, but not just for tennis...?"

"...and as long as my H NEVER KNOWS, what could it hurt?"


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## Chaparral

There is only a small chance whit their level of communication, that she can stop this cold turkey. She also know you are monitoring her cell phone. There are other wys for them to communicate and the will almost assuredly use one or more of them. 

Put a VAR in her car at least.

Get the book Married Man Sex Life to seee how this happened. BTW its not a sex manual, just a bit misleading in the title. 

Also, for the both of you get the book His Needs Her Needs.

It was a big mistake to let her know you are coming here. Keep track of your computer.


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## dogman

Unfortunately, no matter how much you trust someone or how "out of character " it may be you have to follow your gut.
The best of us can surprise even ourselves sometimes.

OP, follow all the advice offered here to keep you marriage safe till this crisis passes ( and, yes, you are still in a crisis)

Often, an EA confrontation can push the affair underground so it can still get consummated if things go astray.


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## Malaise

"I don't know" translates in to:

"I want to see him half naked at the pool"

"I want to do things with/to him because he's new and exciting"

"he makes me feel young"

"If I tell you why you will just get angry, ask for D"

"what you don't know can't hurt you (H) or more importantly, me (W)"

"I want to do this"

"Don't tell me what to do"

"Your'e not my boss"


"I don't know" covers a lot. It boils down to : she knows why and ain't saying.

OP has to investigate and take the blinders off.


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## Caribbean Man

stillawake said:


> I didn't get much of an aswer as to why she lied to me about her whereabouts the day before (when they went to lunch) or why she's been pushing to swim with him. *She basically said "I don't know" *Luckily they have't actually been swiming yet. She did say she took him to luch because he strung her raquet for free.


To the OP,
Like you I have been married for 17 years.
My wife has not cheated on me,so that I am not " jaded."
I hope you could listen to my opinion.

I our marriage,my wife knows that "I DON'T KNOW " is NOT an acceptable answer in any given situation.

I firmly believe that everybody has to be held accountable for what they think and what they do.

" I don't know " in response to " why " translates to 
" I'm embarrassed or too proud to admit to admit that I really F'ed up." 
You MUST demand an answer from her or else she will interpret your actions as weak, because you did not hold her accountable.

You must stand your ground, and don't back down.
That's the only she will respect you.


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## tom67

Do the var in the car for awhile then if you pick up anything strange tell her of course I believe you dear I just want you to take a polygraph to confirm that's all. If the is all standoffish ect. well you'll know what to do.


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## mrstj4sho88

KevinScotland said:


> Yup,
> 
> I've become very cynical about all this stuff since my own situation with my wife went down this path.
> 
> I just wish I'd caught on sooner and went with my gut feeling. I might have been able to have saved my marriage if I'd only "maned up".
> 
> I've watched the woman I loved. Trusted, gave everything too honestly and willingly who was brought up with strong morals and taught to respect people turn into a lying self centred cold horrid woman.
> 
> Her affair was one thing. I think all of the LBS on here are here to move past an affair and try to reconcile there marriages. We're willing to forgive the infidelity but the lies and deception the more it goes on and the more you watch your wife turn into this kind of person the more it hurts.
> 
> My situation (if yous would like to comment I'd like that) has ripped my apart inside totally. It's changed my very being. I liked who I was. Now that person is gone and am left to pick up the pieces and am now a very cynical and bitter person.
> 
> Catch these so called EA quick to stand any chance of saving your marriage and self.
> 
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*It sounds like you are in alot of pain. I am sorry you are dealing with this issue . Please start your own thread so we can try and help you. It might help you to vent and that is ok with us. If you have a thread already started just post the link. *


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## KevinScotland

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-.../57639-looking-help-guidance.html#post1120746

My thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> Just to sidetrack, anyone else think that the OM gets off scot-free way too often in these stories? Something inside me is just SCREAMING for this bloke to suffer at least SOME form of consequence.
> 
> How can the OM be free of all fear of repercussion to pursue married women via the club he is professionally employed at?
> 
> I personally think he should be drubbed to within an inch of his life, and _then_ fired by the tennis club to boot.


It's no different than the Olympic movement conducting their drug testing theater. They know that better performances bring in the money and they aren't going to mess with that. Tennis pros have been banging middle age broads since the Mayflower washed up in New England. It's not going to change. From managements viewpoint, it's part of what they're selling.


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## OldWolf57

I applaud his confronting early, but letting her off with I don't know, for wanting to get half naked around him is too trusting.

We have a new poster and he found a burner phone befoe he even knew anything was wrong. She even we out and got another after gaslighting and cake eating. So if I was OP I would put her on notice that she WILL get me the answer to I DON'T KNOW. Even if we have to do MC.

This one was caught, but unless she learn how to affair proof the marriage, this could happen again.


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## OldWolf57

As for OM, from the txts he was avoiding being in a situation where she would have to take off her clothes.
I'm still leary about the tennis playing at his complex, but I guess she could have put towels over the seat.

I'm sure Op knows her routine after playing.


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## Chris989

The more I think about this case the more worried I have gotten.

I really hope the OP comes back to read but I fear he won't. I do recall when I first posted on here I came in for some serious stick.

Many of the more cynical comments were wrong; quite a few posters thought my WW had gone underground, or would return to the OM.

But - many were spot on too. I remember one reply saying that my WW would be "like a cornered bear" if she thought things weren't going her way and he was absolutely correct.

Quite a few said there was more to find and they too were correct.

I hope the OP realises that people do this because they want to avoid seeing others suffer pain that can be avoided.

If you're still reading this then please, OP, do a bit more digging. It costs nothing and you might thank yourself later - if only because it might give real peace of mind.


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## tom67

Chris989 said:


> The more I think about this case the more worried I have gotten.
> 
> I really hope the OP comes back to read but I fear he won't. I do recall when I first posted on here I came in for some serious stick.
> 
> Many of the more cynical comments were wrong; quite a few posters thought my WW had gone underground, or would return to the OM.
> 
> But - many were spot on too. I remember one reply saying that my WW would be "like a cornered bear" if she thought things weren't going her way and he was absolutely correct.
> 
> Quite a few said there was more to find and they too were correct.
> 
> I hope the OP realises that people do this because they want to avoid seeing others suffer pain that can be avoided.
> 
> If you're still reading this then please, OP, do a bit more digging. It costs nothing and you might thank yourself later - if only because it might give real peace of mind.


Some need alittle more pain tocome out of the fog than others sad but true.:scratchhead:


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## Caribbean Man

Machiavelli said:


> It's no different than the Olympic movement conducting their drug testing theater. They know that better performances bring in the money and they aren't going to mess with that.* Tennis pros have been banging middle age broads since the Mayflower washed up in New England. It's not going to change. From managements viewpoint, it's part of what they're selling.*


LOL,
It always amuses me just how people , especially men refuse to open their eyes.
Even down here, that " tennis coach" thing is a FACT and most times these women are often middle aged divorcees or middle aged moms looking for some action on the side.
What is even funnier is that their husbands are usually well off financially and they PAY for their memberships in these clubs.
In essence they are paying for their wives sexual liaisons.

The same modus operandi applies to most of these young 
" six pack" professionals trainers in gyms.


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## Cubby

Caribbean Man said:


> LOL,
> It always amuses me just how people , especially men refuse to open their eyes.
> Even down here, that " tennis coach" thing is a FACT and most times these women are often middle aged divorcees or middle aged moms looking for some action on the side.
> What is even funnier is that their husbands are usually well off financially and they PAY for their memberships in these clubs.
> In essence they are paying for their wives sexual liaisons.
> 
> The same modus operandi applies to most of these young
> " six pack" professionals trainers in gyms.


The personal trainer, 20 years younger than my wife, who was trying to get her to hire him was hitting all the notes, bragging about how he was God's gift to women, and how much fun they would have, etc. He had his sales pitch down to a science. Funny how he disappeared and never spoke to my wife again after I turned down his offer to be my wife's personal trainer.


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## tom67

Cubby said:


> The personal trainer, 20 years younger than my wife, who was trying to get her to hire him was hitting all the notes, bragging about how he was God's gift to women, and how much fun they would have, etc. He had his sales pitch down to a science. Funny how he disappeared and never spoke to my wife again after I turned down his offer to be my wife's personal trainer.


That's nipping it:lol:


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## Cubby

tom67 said:


> That's nipping it:lol:


Well, not really. I didn't know the POS was talking to my wife like that AT THE TIME. I only knew she was interested in a training program with him and I didn't shut it down right away until he asked "what is the final decision." That's when I said no, but I had no idea they were calling, texting etc. before that. The signs were there, but I was naive. So he stopped before I had a chance to confront.


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## Toffer

OK, I'll chime in too.

While I am sure they are playing a game that involves balls and something she can hold with two hands, I am almost positive the game isn't tennis


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## tom67

Cubby said:


> Well, not really. I didn't know the POS was talking to my wife like that AT THE TIME. I only knew she was interested in a training program with him and I didn't shut it down right away until he asked "what is the final decision." That's when I said no, but I had no idea they were calling, texting etc. before that. The signs were there, but I was naive. So he stopped before I had a chance to confront.


Did you let mgmt. know what this pos was doing?


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## Toffer

stillawake said:


> Hey guys. To be honest, I kind of wish this tread would stop. Many of you seem jaded and are offering the worst case scenarios.
> 
> But to benenfit any future people in my situation. So here's how it went. After the kids went to bed, I sat her down and had the come to Jesus talk. The first thing I asked her if whether she wanted a divorce. I also showed her all the replies (up though page 4) in this post. She still claimed that everything is perfectly innocent that their only interaction, text or otherwise, involved tennis. I can verify that "most" of the texts were about tennis. Others were just random stupid converation. She said they played tennis at his complex because all the courts at the club were full those days.
> 
> I didn't get much of an aswer as to why she lied to me about her whereabouts the day before (when they went to lunch) or why she's been pushing to swim with him. She basically said "I don't know" Luckily they have't actually been swiming yet. She did say she took him to luch because he strung her raquet for free.
> 
> The good news is that she admitted that the texting was excessive, (blamed it on the fact that she is crazy about tennis). She has agreed to stop the texting, the tennis, and our son's lessons with him. I tried to explain the concept of EA, but she really didn't seem to buy into it. I do feel really bad for our son, because he and the tennis coach did have a good relationship.
> 
> She adamently said that she has never been to his apartment and I believe her. I think after 17 years, I can usually tell when she's being truthfull.
> 
> It really does look like she was pursusing him, but not really in a hot and heavy sense. Now that she's caught, I think it's a wakeup call and she realizes the severe consequences and I believe that she'll fall into line. Even though I appear to have caught this early and prevented a PA, I still fell like ****. I'm taking xanax and pounding vodka just to deal with it. Going through the emotional rollercoaster today. You think after this long, you know someone and can trust them.
> 
> I'm just really lucky that my gut told me something was wrong and to check her phone. If I'd waited a few more weeks, I'd probably be filing for divorce.


Hopefully you're still reading and hopefully your right about the above.

Please know that there are many here who thought that things stopped too only to find themselves destroyed further down the line when they discovered that their spouse had taken the affair underground.

As many have adised, you need to continue to monitor vis keylogger and VAR. She has broken your trust and now you'll always wonder what she's up to no matter how hard you try not to think about it. It's also very troubling that shedoesn't see the EA part. Sounds like further denial

Trust but VERIFY!


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## Cubby

tom67 said:


> Did you let mgmt. know what this pos was doing?


No, but I should have. My wife talked me out of it, saying she was too embarrassed as it was, without being dragged into it further. He's also a huge guy, built like an NFL tight end, and seriously I didn't know how he would react if it resulted in him getting fired. Yeah, I know, wimpy on my part. But I kept thinking of my kids. Anyway, water under the bridge since he's been gone for a while many hundreds of miles away, but I still wish that I would've reported him. Ironically, I think he got fired for not bringing in enough personal training business.


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## MattMatt

She really might not know.

However, if that is the case, IC for her might help her to identify the why and to help her work on herself to ensure there does not come a time when she wakes up in another man's bed and thinks: "How did I come to this? 'I don't Know!'"


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## Chaparral

MattMatt said:


> She really might not know.
> 
> However, if that is the case, IC for her might help her to identify the why and to help her work on herself to ensure there does not come a time when she wakes up in another man's bed and thinks: "How did I come to this? 'I don't Know!'"


MattMatt..................this is just carrying optimisim too far.:rofl:


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## Wazza

chapparal said:


> MattMatt..................this is just carrying optimisim too far.:rofl:


No...she could be in some sort of denial.


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## Entropy3000

> My wife began playing occaisional tennis with the tennis pro that teaches our son,* which I thought was fine.* She's 40 and he's 25.


:redcard:

Ok opening statement. OMG. Just no. Sigh. Why do so many of these things start with "which I thought was fine"?

Read the rest of the opening post. Totally absurd of course.



> Well they developed a *friendship* and I noticed that they occaisionally *texted*, which I also didn't think was a big deal. Then she started *wanting to go see him play in tournaments*. Ok...she's a tennis fan...I am too.
> 
> Well I've been noticing that she is *contantly texting someone*, even late at night...close to midnight, so I decide to check her phone. Turns out she and the tennis guy have been exchanging *20 to 30 texts per day*. They are all pretty innocent; however, I did learn that *she's been going to his apartment complex to play tennis ( UFB )*, not at the club where they normally play and *she had not mentioned that before*.
> 
> I also discoved that she had *taken him out to lunch ( Dating Him )* earlier today and texted him that she would *"come and keep him company"*_* ( Dating )*_. She had *specifically lied to me earlier in the day when she said she had only seen him in the early morning and had been at work all day. ( Completely Unfaithful )*
> 
> Most disturbing to me is about a half dozen texts in which she keeps asking if she *can come swim with him in his pool at his apartment complex. ( Pushing the affair further and more often. Instigation, Isolation and Escalation )*
> 
> She got really angry and told me that there is nothing inappropriate about any of this. She told me that they are just friends and then she said "he is like a son", which I know is total B.S.
> 
> She said she has done nothing wrong and to "ask anyone". Well I'm here asking. What do you guys think?


Have not read the rest of this. If you were my friend I would have hiot you up the side of your head just from the opening sentence. The rest is totally absurd. And while she is responsible for going after this guy and beiign unfaithful to you you failed to have proper boundaries yourself. You should have not let this start by being fine with her activities. They only emboldened her. Why would you care what others would think? 

Hopefully you are not still paying this guy for tennis lessons and not funding him to bang your wife. I think this is way far gone personally. But really there should not even be a discussion. She goes total NC with this guy. Your son gets another teacher. You need to improve your boundaries. Your wife is doing what women who want to get banged by young guys do.


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## mrstj4sho88

Toffer said:


> OK, I'll chime in too.
> 
> While I am sure they are playing a game that involves balls and something she can hold with two hands, I am almost positive the game isn't tennis


[B


]
*I totally agree*

W took things (tennis lessons) away from the club. IMHO it was no need to relocate. When she went to the OM location that is a red flag. You add the lies she told and it smell nasty. Now the two of them will take it underground. Sometimes it takes years to find it out again . Many have come here and told of finding out three years later A was still going on. Some cheaters get better at the game. It is helpful to have different opinions.[/B]


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## bandit.45

chapparal said:


> MattMatt..................this is just carrying optimisim too far.:rofl:


How many waywards have we seen here who waded too deep into the flood waters without realising what they were doing before getting swept away?

A lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

WyshIknew said:


> Not sure if you are trying to be humorous here, apologies if you weren't.
> 
> In this type of scenario I think the WW would interpret no action by the hubby as very weak and a green light to cake eat.
> 
> You would probably see the affair escalate, WW staying out all night and making no or little attempt to hide the affair. Why should she?
> In her eyes the husband would not care, she might view him with a little pity but no respect.
> 
> Eventually when the affair petered out or the OM found somebody else she would return to her husband and forgive him for driving her away.


Indeed this has already been ocurring. Him not making a stand from the get go sent a message of weakness. That he was fearful, ambivalent or lazy.
That the OM was the fitter male.

It takes courage for a man to have and assert his boundaries and not just hide his head in the sand and hope for the best. It is a display of low value to allow another man to take take you wife as she throws herself at him in such an obvious way.

A man of value would not allow this to go on and he would be at war with the entire situation.


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## mrstj4sho88

Toffer said:


> Hopefully you're still reading and hopefully your right about the above.
> 
> Please know that there are many here who thought that things stopped too only to find themselves destroyed further down the line when they discovered that their spouse had taken the affair underground.
> 
> As many have adised, you need to continue to monitor vis keylogger and VAR. She has broken your trust and now you'll always wonder what she's up to no matter how hard you try not to think about it. It's also very troubling that shedoesn't see the EA part. Sounds like further denial
> 
> Trust but VERIFY!


:iagree:


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## mrstj4sho88

Entropy3000 said:


> Indeed this has already been ocurring. Him not making a stand from the get go sent a message of weakness. That he was fearful, ambivalent or lazy.
> That the OM was the fitter male.
> 
> It takes courage for a man to have and assert his boundaries and not just hide his head in the sand and hope for the best. It is a display of low value to allow another man to take take you wife as she throws herself at him in such an obvious way.
> 
> A man of value would not allow this to go on and he would be at war with the entire situation.



*A woman does not want a weak man. For a woman ,a weak man is a turn off. The OM seems a little weak. Things might get slowed down. Then a year from now OP will finds out W still hanging with the OM. We have read about that happening alot.*


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## F-102

There is also a possibility that the OM has been busted before, and is coaching not only tennis, but coaching the WWs on how to cover their tracks and effectively take the A underground.


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## Jonesey

Toffer said:


> OK, I'll chime in too.
> 
> While I am sure they are playing a game that involves balls and something she can hold with two hands, I am almost positive the game isn't tennis


Im sorry but this is to funny:rofl::rofl:


----------

