# Wife kissed her friend. Am I overreacting?



## BSHAW27 (May 4, 2009)

Ok so I posted a thread about my marriage issues and I currently have alot of them but one of the issues is that she just told me when she was on a trip with friends a few months back they were out drinking and dancing and they started making out. Well the friend is a girl she works with who is obviously a little more wild then we are. She told me it wasn't a big deal that she doesn't like girls and that her friend kissed her and that she didn't think about it being cheating cuz they are just friends. I freaked out and got really pissed about it and then she apologized and said she wanted to tell me at the time but didn't want me to get upset. I thought I just needed to let some time pass but it has been almost 3 weeks since she told me and I can't stop thinking about it.

My question is how big of a deal is this? To me kissing is cheating no matter the situation and the thought of them making out in some club makes me sick and really hurts me every time I think about it. I really feel like I can't get past this.

BTW I am 28 and she is 27 and we have been married for 22 months.


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

Do you want to be right? or do you want to learn from this and take the relationship to the next level?

You can't have both.


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## BSHAW27 (May 4, 2009)

??? I want to know if a women kissing her female friend is a sexual act or just a playful fun act that shouldn't matter.

I really want this not to bother me and make me feel the way I am feeling right now.


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## Hopeful_SLP (Apr 14, 2009)

A woman's perspective...
I was out drinking one night and was playing truth or dare with some new guys my BFF and I met. BFF and I kissed. I've never been attracted to girls, always been boy crazy, still am. It was just a fleeting crazy I'm drunk kind of thing. I'm sure she's not going to start liking chicks! Just chalk it up to alcohol. I doubt I would ever do it again... unless it really turned my husband on.


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## seibert253 (Apr 29, 2009)

Kissing is cheating, no matter who, what, or when. Alcohol is no excuse. There are no excuses.
If you havn't done so, you need to sit down with your wife and tell her EXACTLY how you feel, how you feel betrayed and hurt, and how this is still bothering you.
If she's sorry and remorseful about hurting you then I suggest counseling to put this behind you. If she's not remorseful or sorry about what happened, then there are deep issues within her which probably will progress to further infidelity in the future.


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

BSHAW27 said:


> ??? I want to know if a women kissing her female friend is a sexual act or just a playful fun act that shouldn't matter.
> 
> I really want this not to bother me and make me feel the way I am feeling right now.


I understand. I want to point out tho, the meanings given to the situation now either results in over reacting or taking no action at all.

Both don't really help at nuturing or maintaining the relationship at all and most likely leads to a place which I beleive you don't want to go. The very set of emotions you wish to avoid now.

If I may offer my opinion, the meaning I'd give to this situation is a wake up call. A gift to realise that maybe as the man, I haven't been looking after my woman as best I can, and if I continue down the path of old habits, it may cost me my marriage, finances, emotional well being, self confidence, my innocence, and the true gift of love I have to offer.

This may over dramatic, but it may not be far from the truth and in some cases, it may be ultra conservative to what some people go through. We all know that relationships neglected, deteriorate until something breaks or we realise we must change for the better, only to find it's too late and we're clueless on what too do.

So my friend, you're in a great position to take new action. It all rests with you. If you need additional guidence, you can pm me.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

I personally don't think it's that big of deal- I've done it... got drunk and in the stupidness of telling my friends how much I love them... it's happened, but it meant nothing to me and it probably meant nothing to your wife. She should respect your feelings though now that she knows that it bothers you. My ex-husband didn't care and he knew that it didn't mean a thing, but since it does bother you I'm sure she won't do it again, but it's not something to get that worked up over, it didn't mean anything to her.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Greatermindset said:


> Do you want to be right? or do you want to learn from this and take the relationship to the next level?
> 
> You can't have both.


Of course he can have both. Not mutually exclusive states of being.


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