# experiment



## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

I moved out two Weeks ago. The longest two Weeks of my life. Been lucky enough to see my daughter at least 4-5 days a week. I'm barely making it from day to day. Work on the weekdays and church on Sunday keep me in this world. It's my sanity. My daughter keeps me alive. My wife has wanted a divorce for a while now and we are in bad shape financially. She came to the realization that we can't afford to get divorced and basically said I can't live with you but you still have to give me money to pay bills because they are ours. She is a cake eater. I have agreed with all of her requests for space, time alone etc. I'm still depositing my paycheck and she still pays the bills and lives in our house with my daughter. I was feeling pretty low yesterday and I had an idea. Here it is: I move home, give her lots of choices, step up, be an adult and deal with the fact that it is my house too and I have the right to be there. Or she can move out, find a place to live and do what I have been doing. Get a job, see my daughter a few days a week, then go home without her, talk to her on the phone, basically live like I have. No nice big bed to sleep in, no pantry full of food, no daughter and friends running in and out of the house, stuff like that. Complete role reversal to give her a taste of what it is really like. What do you all think about that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

dazed/confused said:


> Or she can move out, find a place to live and do what I have been doing. Get a job, see my daughter a few days a week, then go home without her, talk to her on the phone, basically live like I have. No nice big bed to sleep in, no pantry full of food, no daughter and friends running in and out of the house, stuff like that. Complete role reversal to give her a taste of what it is really like. What do you all think about that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this is what you need to do!! Show her that you're not going to let her walk all over you anymore!!


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

She doesn't work? She needs to...
If you moved home and she moved out, who would care for your daughter during the day? Obviously her care needs to be #1 priority.
While you do not need to be the one who's moved out (why would you if _she_ wanted the divorce and you make the money?

Feels to me like there's an in-between solution instead of full, drastic role reversal that best accomodates your daughter's care yet still gives her a taste of where you are all headed...

No matter what, I'd move back in ASAP and not set the new standard that it's "their" home and you're "out of the house"...


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

thanks for the backup notsosure.

She earned less than $100.00 a week working for her dad, because of pressure from the situation that she can't handle/own up to, she quit. she is self employed but doesn't get regular work. Maybe as little as $100 per week up to $400 per week but it isn't reliable steady income. 

I can change my work schedule if needs be and a retired relative offered to drop off and pick up for school.

It's drastic and I don't know how she would take it. She doesn't want me to be anywhere around her. With no good reason from her. No abuse, drinking any danger at all. I think it's out of guilt.

It maintains consistency for my daughter.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Trim back everything to the bare essentials:

*No internet *to allow her to have on-line EAs wor look for your replacement:

*No cell phone for her*: let her use the LAN line to contact you;

*No cable*: take away her entertainment.

The only things she should be getting is a roof over her head and food. That's it. Don't tell her you are going to do this, just do it.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Lucky for me, my girls are older, so my cheating husband (SAHD) got a dose of reality real quick.

I am not kidding you.. I gave him ONE opportunity to come home and do the right things... he declined. 

3 hours later he was destitute and homeless and I did NOT FEEL badly at all.


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Trim back everything to the bare essentials:
> 
> *No internet *to allow her to have on-line EAs wor look for your replacement:
> 
> ...


We don't have a land line only cell phones. Fortunately we cant afford internet. That has pushed her to the phone. Unfortunately we are on her dad's business account and I'm sure that he won't cancel it even if I didn't pay him. I like the direction you are going.

Thanks to everybody for the support.


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

lisa3girls said:


> Lucky for me, my girls are older, so my cheating husband (SAHD) got a dose of reality real quick.
> 
> I am not kidding you.. I gave him ONE opportunity to come home and do the right things... he declined.
> 
> 3 hours later he was destitute and homeless and I did NOT FEEL badly at all.


how did it end up? how long was this coming?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Dazed--- I did this after 1 week or less. He first came home, said he would go to MC, drop the OW. 

Within 2 days he was already wavering... having a fit if I even questioned him or looked at his phone. (He couldn't LIVE under such a veil of suspicion he said)-- 

So the day we were supposed to go to MC, he refused, I told him to get his crap and get out. Then I cut off everything.

He never came back... we are in the process of divorce. He showed me who he really is, and I don't need it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

dazed/confused said:


> We don't have a land line only cell phones. Fortunately we cant afford internet. That has pushed her to the phone. Unfortunately we are on her dad's business account and I'm sure that he won't cancel it even if I didn't pay him. I like the direction you are going.
> 
> Thanks to everybody for the support.


Then tell her dad his precious daughter is using a business phone to carry on an extramarital affair. See how long she gets to keep it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

Both parents know. Mom stopped defending last week when other people showed her the light. They haven't spoken since. She has declined any invitation from family to talk. Of course it's my fault that she has no support from family. Not!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

Thanks everybody for the advice. 
Now, today is payday. I normally take the paycheck and deposit it so the wife can pay the bills. All of them are for the house and related ones that we have acquired from being married. I want to make absolutely clear to her that this is the last deposit that will be made as long as I'm not living there. Going back to the original post, how do I present this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why did you move out? If you own the house you should be able to live there.

Move back in and make her sleep in the basement.


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Why did you move out? If you own the house you should be able to live there.
> 
> Move back in and make her sleep in the basement.


Easier to say than to do definitely.
Because she doesn't have a place to go, it seemed like the right thing to do for the circumstances at the time and I'm a nice guy. let the flaming begin........


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

dazed/confused said:


> Easier to say than to do definitely.
> Because she doesn't have a place to go, it seemed like the right thing to do for the circumstances at the time and I'm a nice guy. let the flaming begin........


well I'm not flaming you cos I'm in the same boat. He left, he lost his job, he's got no money, he's got nowhere to go
I'm buying him out, it will be my house but I'm currently at my mum's cos I can't bear to be near him at the moment

the way I see it, people can judge me but I have to live with myself and I just wouldn't chuck him out on the street


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