# Perspective on EA.



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Where to begin. I used to come onto this site to berate people in affairs and to share my experience. Now I have put myself in the same place. Given that both of my parents cheated and continue to battle addiction (as well as each other), I thought I'd be smarter. My life has taken many turns over the past 2 years. My wife has developed a chronic illness and other than essential functions she has become a shut in. Which, other than work pretty much makes me a shut in. 

I began spending more time on the laptop and fell in with a crowd of people I found interesting. We game and video chat online. One member of the group is a very pretty 21 y.o. accounting student we'll call "Lexie". In spite of my best efforts I took a liking to her. At first it was all me. We "got along" pretty well after a while and began talking regularly outside of our social circle. Sometimes until 4AM. 

I will admit I purposely began to insinuate myself into her life because I developed a massive crush on her. We would goof off together and have inside jokes and stuff. Our friends began to roll their eyes b/c of the flirting and call her "your girlfriend" when they talked to me about her. We even have our own song we sing to annoy the crap out of the others.

I seriously thought this was all one sided until she confessed she felt the same way. She hasn't had much luck with men her own age in her part of the country. 

I am addicted to this person. In my freetime, I find myself eye banging the pics I have of her. I think about her constantly. I told my wife that I have a "friend" who I talk to and game with. I had hoped to ellicit a little jealousy. Instead, she said that she was glad I "had someone to vent to." She isn't threatened by Lexie at all. I almost get the feeling she knows what's going on but doesn't care at this point. 

I don't want to give this, whatever it is, up. I am actually afraid to. I was at a low point when I met Lexie and knowing her has pulled me out of a very dark place. I won't go back there. I am hoping she finds a boyfriend so that I will have no say in the matter and that will be that. 

I know how this post reads, but I can assure you that I know what I am doing is wrong. I can also assure you that it would be WAY different if the roles were reversed and it was my wife in the EA! If you read some of my previous posts you will see what a hypocrite I have become. I have come here for perspective. I know from experience that his board can be particulary rough. I'm prepared for you to give it me good. Hopefully it will be the magic words that help out of the fog. Thanks.


----------



## whiteviper (Aug 8, 2015)

Latigo said:


> My wife has developed a chronic illness and other than essential functions she has become a shut in. Which, other than work pretty much makes me a shut in.
> 
> In spite of my best efforts I took a liking to her. At first it was all me.
> 
> ...


Ok, so you're hoping that your wife will do the pick me dance for you ? But you said yourself you won't give up this girl, so what's the point ? You're hungry for attention.

You purposely got close to her even though you know it's wrong and now you don't want to lose her. Well let go of your wife. It's that simple. Maybe she'll find someone else who keep his vow, through sickness and health. And hope the new girl will stay healthy for you

I'm a doctor and it really truly disgust me that i've seen a few of my patients spouses who left because they are ill and in need of treatment and therapy.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

I understand your disgust, but I will never leave my wife. She has no one but me and I do still love her. When I'm not working, I do everything to take care of her. I want them both selfish as that sounds.


----------



## whiteviper (Aug 8, 2015)

1. Tell your wife the truth, i doubt that what you told your wife the whole info. Did you tell her that this friend is 21 y.o female and you want to bang your her and that you don't want to stop doing it instead maybe escalating to actual sex ? If you did that and she gave you permission, then sure. But seriously this is a real sheetty move. 
2. Leave and find a caretaker for her

You're not doing your wife any favor with staying, pretty much just rob her chance of being with someone who loves her, not because of the good guy complex. Personally i don't believe that you love her because love involves loyalty and integrity, in this case there's none. 

Think about it, what will happen if this lexie in the next 3 years stay with you, will you stay with her too? Any future there ? Keep stringing you wife?


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Logistics would prevent Lexie and I from getting physical. She lives more more than half way across the country. I wouldn't trust my wife's care to anyone but myself. I love her still. Part of why I am here is me trying to find the strength to end it on my own!


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

And no, I didn't tell my wife the extent of my feelings for this person. So you are right there.


----------



## whiteviper (Aug 8, 2015)

Latigo said:


> Logistics would prevent Lexie and I from getting physical. She lives more more than half way across the country. I wouldn't trust my wife's care to anyone but myself. I love her still. Part of why I am here is me trying to find the strength to end it on my own!


Ok, maybe we have a different definition of Love.



Latigo said:


> And no, I didn't tell my wife the extent of my feelings for this person. So you are right there.


That's because she trusts you! She isn't threatened because she thinks you're a loyal guy and that you won't hurt her. So the part where you said that she knows what's going on and doesn't care about you is your own hyperbole to justify your action. 

Seriously you got a good woman and you want to waste her for a 21y.o who has no respect for marriage ?


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

I can assure you, my definition of love is sound. I want Lexie, but I NEED my wife. The rest of what you say is true though. I have made a mistake. I own that. I played with fire, and I am getting burned. Believe it or not, I don't like what I am doing.


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Latigo said:


> Logistics would prevent Lexie and I from getting physical. She lives more more than half way across the country. I wouldn't trust my wife's care to anyone but myself. I love her still. Part of why I am here is me trying to find the strength to end it on my own!


It doesn't take much strength to shut off your video games and delete her from your phone. two minutes tops. Then give both to your wife and tell her why. See if you have the balls to ask for them back later and if you do, just leave your wife. Do her and yourself a favour.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> It doesn't take much strength to shut off your video games and delete her from your phone.


 That's the easy part, getting this person out of my head and filling up the holes that I allowed them to fill is the scary part.


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Latigo said:


> That's the easy part, getting this person out of my head and filling up the holes that I allowed them to fill is the scary part.


The longer you have her removed from your life the easier it is, thats' why I said cut off all ties. 

Bottom line is you need to decide if you are going with this chick you never actually met or your shut in wife (or third option, none of the above) and then commit it the choice. Full in. If you choose to go with one, cut the other out of your life. Completely.


----------



## lilbitoluv (Aug 14, 2015)

Don't tell your wife. Fix it and don't go back there. You will hurt her and hurting her to get over your own guilt is never the answer in my opinion. You deal with what YOU have done. Leave the girl alone. tend to your wife. Pray, Meditate, do whatever you have to do but get that girl out of your system. Do not hurt your wife.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Latigo said:


> And no, I didn't tell my wife the extent of my feelings for this person. So you are right there.


You don't have to tell your wife you want to sleep with this girl; She already knows. Women know that any man with 5 female friends want to sleep with 3 or 4 of them if not with all 5, even if only in the back of their mind. (especially if they are attractive) That's what we do.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Latigo said:


> That's the easy part, getting this person out of my head and filling up the holes that I allowed them to fill is the scary part.


Well, then don't expect it to happen overnight. It won't, just like any other habit one tries to break.

How old are you?


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
We cannot give you inner strength, only you can do that and, as you have posted, you do not need us to tell you what to do, you already know. Really, all that is left is the doing of it. Perhaps consider this. if your young female friend finds a boyfriend yet wants to continue your online "thing" then are you okay being the OM? If you indeed know that this cannot proceed beyond its current state, then to what end do you continue it?

For me it would be more frustrating to know I could never go further with this woman than a superficial online......what?, what do you call it? it is not a relationship so what is it? Anyway, I would not want to torture myself looking at pictures and dreaming of the impossible, that is illogical. You must face life and the reality it represents. Good luck.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Is this the man you want to be? A desperate cheater on the internet? Why were you in a dark place? Pulling yourself out of it through a make believe friendship is not the answer. 

Don't burden your wife with your guilt. Since this is a fake friendship, you need to go NC. Staying in the house with your wife but cheating through the internet is not doing her any favors. Get off the internet and the gaming and get your @ss busy with real activities that'll make you a better man.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

A 21 year old? This is a fantasy and wouldn't last more than a week after meeting. Cut it out now, but it is a choice only you can make. I don't know what your relationship is like with your wife and whether your needs are being met. Being a carer is tough work but you can always fill your "hole" with something that doesn't put you in the path of infidelity. Join a men's club, take up a sport, volunteer, etc. you need to get the right sort of outlet and this is not it, but you already know this.

Your wife should know how you are struggling, this will keep you accountable. Be honest, you might be surprised what solutions she and you can come up. Do the right thing so you can look at yourself in the mirror every day.


----------



## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Latigo said:


> I can assure you, my definition of love is sound. I want Lexie, but I NEED my wife. The rest of what you say is true though. I have made a mistake. I own that. I played with fire, and I am getting burned. Believe it or not, I don't like what I am doing.


I beg to differ, it is your wife who is going to get hurt. I cannot believe you can call yourself her "caretaker" when you are willing to cause her such extreme hurt and pain in her fragile state .You say "you need her"? Let me say one thing, no one needs someone like you in "their" life, talk about kicking them when they're down. If you were actually 1/10 of the man you think you are, you would leave other OW and let your wife decide if "she" wants to stay married to "you", because believe me it's not all bout you. If your not in therapy, ie counseling, I suggest you go ASAP, you sound like a budding narcissist. I'm sorry your wife is in this situation, no one needs a caretaker willing to push them under the bus for their own selfish needs.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yes. How evil of your wife to become ill.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

lilbitoluv said:


> Don't tell your wife. Fix it and don't go back there. Leave the girl alone. tend to your wife. Pray, Meditate, do whatever you have to do but get that girl out of your system. Do not hurt your wife.


This is my plan


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

SecondTime'Round;13386394
How old are you?[/QUOTE said:


> 42...yup literally twice her age.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

NoChoice said:


> if your young female friend finds a boyfriend yet wants to continue your online "thing" then are you okay being the OM?



Didn't even consider that. I was actually hoping she'd find a boyfriend and dump me. It never occurred to me she may want to continue after finding someone herself.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

jsmart said:


> Is this the man you want to be? A desperate cheater on the internet? Why were you in a dark place? Pulling yourself out of it through a make believe friendship is not the answer.
> 
> Don't burden your wife with your guilt. Since this is a fake friendship, you need to go NC. Staying in the house with your wife but cheating through the internet is not doing her any favors. Get off the internet and the gaming and get your @ss busy with real activities that'll make you a better man.


"A desperate cheater on the internet" 

Couldn't have put it better. 

"Get off the internet and the gaming and get your @ss busy with real activities that'll make you a better man"

This is the goal, to be her king the way I was b4.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

always_hopefull said:


> I beg to differ, it is your wife who is going to get hurt. I cannot believe you can call yourself her "caretaker" when you are willing to cause her such extreme hurt and pain in her fragile state .You say "you need her"? Let me say one thing, no one needs someone like you in "their" life, talk about kicking them when they're down. If you were actually 1/10 of the man you think you are, you would leave other OW and let your wife decide if "she" wants to stay married to "you", because believe me it's not all bout you. If your not in therapy, ie counseling, I suggest you go ASAP, you sound like a budding narcissist. I'm sorry your wife is in this situation, no one needs a caretaker willing to push them under the bus for their own selfish needs.


I agree with almost all of this, but "budding narcissist"? That's a radical interpretation of the text.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Yes. How evil of your wife to become ill.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't remember, but I don't think I ever blamed any of this on her. I own that I have let her down and I want to fix it.


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Latigo said:


> 42...yup literally twice her age.


Yeahhhh, don't think that's going to work out well for you in the long haul.


----------



## whiteviper (Aug 8, 2015)

That must be one desperate 21 year old to date 42 y.o married man


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

whiteviper said:


> That must be one desperate 21 year old to date 42 y.o married man


 Petty insults...really? Her dad left the family 10 years ago. Mom kicked her out of the house when she was 15. Grandma stepped up and took her in. So, I assumed she had "daddy issues". Like I said, she hasn't had a lot of luck with guys her own age. Not my fault if guys that age have no education. Also, I'd hardly call what we do "dating".


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Latigo said:


> I don't remember, but I don't think I ever blamed any of this on her. I own that I have let her down and I want to fix it.


The sub text of your post was that if your wife had not have fallen ill that you would not have started the affair.

That is certainly the impress that I gained.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Of course the 21 year old is fab now and you love her. 

That's because you aren't paying for all her sh1t, you aren't dealing with her disapproving parents who'd think you're far too old for her, you aren't hearing her fart in bed next to you, you aren't brushing your teeth while she's taking a dump next to you in the bathroom, you aren't watching other men young and old drooling over her, you aren't watching her come home at 4am after hitting the pub/club, and you haven't walked into your bathroom to see her makeup and [email protected] everywhere. 

Do I need to go on? You'd think rainbows and febreeze come flying out of her butt? Wake up. She is a fantasy... A fantasy you hold onto because reality hasn't had to kick in. 

If you won't let Lexus or whatever her name is go, then please let your wife go, because you aren't marriage material. You don't love your wife according to my standards of the word. Whether or not Lexington was in the picture, I'd say that you should never force yourself to stay with someone if you're unhappy... Especially when your entitlement is this far through the roof. Your wife will be fine without you and I hope that she eventually shows you how fine she'll be. Then you can go pursue Lex Luthor.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Latigo said:


> Petty insults...really? Her dad left the family 10 years ago. Mom kicked her out of the house when she was 15. Grandma stepped up and took her in. So, I assumed she had "daddy issues". Like I said, she hasn't had a lot of luck with guys her own age. Not my fault if guys that age have no education. Also, I'd hardly call what we do "dating".


To this, all I'd say is, unless you've run a background check on her or visited her, you have no idea if any of this is true. She is an Internet persona. Her picture may not be real. You'd do well to trust but verify.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Satya said:


> To this, all I'd say is, unless you've run a background check on her or visited her, you have no idea if any of this is true. She is an Internet persona. Her picture may not be real. You'd do well to trust but verify.


"She" is really a stock image from IStock and "she" is a large man of 50 who works as a part time mall cop who lives with his mother in her basement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

If you read some of my earliest posted on Fibromyalgia, some of what you are beginning to experience is normal. Agree the imagined EA is not healthy but the drugs and physical alterations that Fibro causes are debasing in most cases. We had such a long dry spell once my wife confessed it would have been a relief if I had cheated, she would feel so guilty etc. 
most of the drugs impact their cognitive functioning to the point they change into a different person. I give you props for sticking by her but should start talking and thinking long-term. Talk to your wife, this is a syndrome not a disease, the primary difference is a disease can be cured.
It's an all-round tough scenario. I am 2.5years into her diagnosis and most days don't know who she is. 
Hang in there, start talking to your wife and don't fall into a trap because you ignored your only feelings to spare your wife. 

Best of luck!


----------



## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Latigo said:


> Petty insults...really? Her dad left the family 10 years ago. Mom kicked her out of the house when she was 15. Grandma stepped up and took her in. So, I assumed she had "daddy issues". Like I said, she hasn't had a lot of luck with guys her own age. Not my fault if guys that age have no education. Also, I'd hardly call what we do "dating".


She's actually not having much luck with older men either. Think about it, your married and willing to cheat on your spouse when she needs you more than any other time in your life. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Let's face it, if you can't be a decent husband to an ill wife, your not good relationship material, to anyone, 21 or 41.

As to your question about why I think you have narcissistic tendencies, I'll answer that later when I can bold quotes. But in the meantime, start looking for a therapist, not all spouses are intentionally trying to make their chronically ill wife jealous or making everything all about them and their own selfish needs. Get some help to learn to be a better man, you've forgotten how.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Satya said:


> To this, all I'd say is, unless you've run a background check on her or visited her, you have no idea if any of this is true. She is an Internet persona. Her picture may not be real. You'd do well to trust but verify.


I heard this first from the guy that got me on hitbox which is where I met her. He is sort of the lynchpin of our gaming circle. I don't know what his motive would be to lie. Unless there is some colossal conspiracy to troll me. Why would I be so important?


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> "She" is really a stock image from IStock and "she" is a large man of 50 who works as a part time mall cop who lives with his mother in her basement.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You surprise me sir. Such base attempts to humiliate me. Being a fan of Stephen Frye, Simon Callow, and Ricky Gervais I would have expected wittier repartee to come at me from across the pond. How disappointing.  Take a pi$$ all you like, but I wouldn't let myself fall arse over elbow for a bird without due diligence. I was born at night, but not last night. Between Skype, google hangouts, and hitbox I don't know what other proof I could have. Unless said mall cop is hiring an actress/model for all of these, I am going to believe it is a woman I am video chatting with.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

McDean said:


> If you read some of my earliest posted on Fibromyalgia, some of what you are beginning to experience is normal. Agree the imagined EA is not healthy but the drugs and physical alterations that Fibro causes are debasing in most cases. We had such a long dry spell once my wife confessed it would have been a relief if I had cheated, she would feel so guilty etc.
> most of the drugs impact their cognitive functioning to the point they change into a different person. I give you props for sticking by her but should start talking and thinking long-term. Talk to your wife, this is a syndrome not a disease, the primary difference is a disease can be cured.
> It's an all-round tough scenario. I am 2.5years into her diagnosis and most days don't know who she is.
> Hang in there, start talking to your wife and don't fall into a trap because you ignored your only feelings to spare your wife.
> ...


I haven't read your earlier post but I intend to. It sounds like you were where I am at right now. For me it isn't the sex that I miss as much as hanging out with my best friend. I can't even get her to sit out on the porch with me. I don't get in her face about it mind you. I let her decide how much she wants to do.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

always_hopefull said:


> She's actually not having much luck with older men either.


LOL...touchee!

"Get some help to learn to be a better man, you've forgotten how."

Can't argue.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> The sub text of your post was that if your wife had not have fallen ill that you would not have started the affair.
> 
> That is certainly the impress that I gained.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough. My intention, shrouded as it may have been, was simply to set the scene.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Satya said:


> Of course the 21 year old is fab now and you love her.
> 
> That's because you aren't paying for all her sh1t, you aren't dealing with her disapproving parents who'd think you're far too old for her, you aren't hearing her fart in bed next to you, you aren't brushing your teeth while she's taking a dump next to you in the bathroom, you aren't watching other men young and old drooling over her, you aren't watching her come home at 4am after hitting the pub/club, and you haven't walked into your bathroom to see her makeup and [email protected] everywhere.
> 
> ...


 I will never use the word "love" to describe what we have. We have "feelings" for each other. But I know they are banal and selfish. It is the reason why I came here to subject myself to the firing squad. I don't have many people in my life who will break it down for me the as has been done thus far. Awesome post, but "Lexus"/"Lexington"/"Lex Luthor"...I can't with those...I just can't!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Latigo said:


> You surprise me sir. Such base attempts to humiliate me. Being a fan of Stephen Frye, Simon Callow, and Ricky Gervais I would have expected wittier repartee to come at me from across the pond. How disappointing.  Take a pi$$ all you like, but I wouldn't let myself fall arse over elbow for a bird without due diligence. I was born at night, but not last night. Between Skype, google hangouts, and hitbox I don't know what other proof I could have. Unless said mall cop is hiring an actress/model for all of these, I am going to believe it is a woman I am video chatting with.


Due diligence amongst cheater's? 

Not sure if this is actually worse...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Are you here to double down on your stance and a bit of verbal sparring?

Or are you genuinely interested in being faithful to your SO again?

It definitely appears to be the former.


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

You say you love your wife. Then honor her too. 

Of course she is going to pretend to not feel threatened by this 'friend' of yours. First, it's low risk. She is an internet persona, and lives a far away. Second, YOUR WIFE IS SCARED!. That's right, she is scared. You admit that she has a condition, for which you offer better care to her than anyone else can. Part of that is the intimate connection you share with her.

You are on the first step to a path that will lead you to a dark place. Eventually you will meet 'lexie" in person. Or someone like her. You'll get physical. Your bond will start to deteriorate with your wife. You'll begin to resent her, and your care for her will suffer.

Love is an action. Pursuing this infatuation with Lexie is a betrayal, not love. Your wife might even tolerate that betrayal, either out of fear of losing you, or out of guilt that she can no longer provide for you everything she once could. If you really love her, then show it through your actions.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Latigo said:


> I will never use the word "love" to describe what we have. We have "feelings" for each other. But I know they are banal and selfish. It is the reason why I came here to subject myself to the firing squad. I don't have many people in my life who will break it down for me the as has been done thus far. Awesome post, but "Lexus"/"Lexington"/"Lex Luthor"...I can't with those...I just can't!


Latigo, my words come from one who was a former Lexie. An ex gamer girl who spent far too many hours online talking to men just like you WHILE I WAS MARRIED and in many cases SO WERE THEY. It was a great thrill to dominate their time and I'd even shout out to their wives and say hi on voice comms... They probably wanted to secretly murder me. 

It's not a part of my distant past I'm proud of, but my brain wasn't even fully developed and I had no clue as to what men apart from my ex were really like. I married my first and had zero relationship experience apart from him. I just wanted to be my natural, social, bubbly self and it was refreshing for men just like yourself to find such a witty, young woman among the sea of Greater Internet [email protected] I know exactly what flirting does for young, bright, women online. It excites and empowers them. Those days were in my early 20s....shock and gasp, most 20 year old young lady gamers are like that. They like to hang with da boys... Because attention. 

Even better? I was an American living in England for those years.... So guess how many brit men complimented me for my accent and carefree, American ways? 

So... Although you want to think your story is unique and precious, I lived it from the other side, and I know that unless you pull the plug asap, you are going to forever hurt your marriage. And you will teach Lexie that it's OK to dominate a married man's time and cross the boundaries of appropriateness, because you allow it. That WILL damage her sense of boundaries in this respect, and hinder her view of healthy relationships... because as you say, she has no strong father figure in her life. If she did, he'd never allow what you two have to carry on.


----------



## helenbean (Aug 13, 2015)

You already know what you are doing is wrong. I don't think my husband ever admitted to himself that his ea was wrong. You are right. It is a fog. This relationship is not based on reality. It is an infatuation where everything about this other woman seems perfect compared to your spouse. It is a fantasy. It exists outside of real life, bills, illness, the day to day mundane. Real love is when someone sees someone else's faults and decides to love them anyway. Go get some therapy to make yourself feel better. Don't use an ea to boost your mood.


----------



## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Satya said:


> Latigo, my words come from one who was a former Lexie. An ex gamer girl who spent far too many hours online talking to men just like you WHILE I WAS MARRIED and in many cases SO WERE THEY. It was a great thrill to dominate their time and I'd even shout out to their wives and say hi on voice comms... They probably wanted to secretly murder me.
> 
> It's not a part of my distant past I'm proud of, but my brain wasn't even fully developed and I had no clue as to what men apart from my ex were really like. I married my first and had zero relationship experience apart from him. I just wanted to be my natural, social, bubbly self and it was refreshing for men just like yourself to find such a witty, young woman among the sea of Greater Internet [email protected] I know exactly what flirting does for young, bright, women online. It excites and empowers them. Those days were in my early 20s....shock and gasp, most 20 year old young lady gamers are like that. They like to hang with da boys... Because attention.
> 
> ...


 I logged on here earlier in the day. Literally three minutes after you posted this. I stared dumbfounded at the words for a half hour before I logged out. I have spent all day seething about it. I am not exaggerating when I say it is the most profound thing I have ever read on TAM. 

"I'd even shout out to their wives and say hi on voice comms" She does this all of the time! Even had me turn the laptop towards my wife to say "Hi" once right before we started carrying on. Are you telling me that part of the allure for her is that she thinks she's "one upping" my wife by taking my time away from her?

HOLY CRAP!!! Really, HOLY F'ING CRAP!!!! Understatement of the year is that this is a game changer. And I let this happen!!!! I don't know what else to say. I know what I have to do, but I don't know what to say. THANK YOU is about all that comes to mind. We're going to Skype in about an hour. I am going to try and handle this matter while I am still on full of anger, otherwise I don't know if I'll have the strength to follow through.


----------



## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Do the right thing!


----------



## helenbean (Aug 13, 2015)

Internet affair long distance? She may not even be a hot 21 year old. Have you seen live video of her? She might be 50 and 300 pounds using pics of her daughter to lure you in.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Latigo said:


> I logged on here earlier in the day. Literally three minutes after you posted this. I stared dumbfounded at the words for a half hour before I logged out. I have spent all day seething about it. I am not exaggerating when I say it is the most profound thing I have ever read on TAM.
> 
> "I'd even shout out to their wives and say hi on voice comms" She does this all of the time! Even had me turn the laptop towards my wife to say "Hi" once right before we started carrying on. Are you telling me that part of the allure for her is that she thinks she's "one upping" my wife by taking my time away from her?
> 
> HOLY CRAP!!! Really, HOLY F'ING CRAP!!!! Understatement of the year is that this is a game changer. And I let this happen!!!! I don't know what else to say. I know what I have to do, but I don't know what to say. THANK YOU is about all that comes to mind. We're going to Skype in about an hour. I am going to try and handle this matter while I am still on full of anger, otherwise I don't know if I'll have the strength to follow through.


She could be truly naive (due to age, inexperience in real relationships, and poor boundaries.... She has no one to guide her and tell her what's inappropriate around taken men, remember?) Best thing you could do if you care at all for her is teach her how inappropriate you both have been, apologize for your part in it, and encourage her to always find an available man, then pull the plug, go NC, and carry the lesson with you for the rest of your days. 

Or, she could be fully aware of exactly what she's doing. The longer she's been online with guys, the greater the chance for this imo. If she "gets away with it" then there's nothing wrong in it, and it carries on. How many guys have given her the smack down you think? Guess how many gave it to me? 0. The gaming world is not famous for drawing in strong wills. 

Or, she could be a combination of the two aspects above... Blissfully unaware of healthy boundaries but too drawn in to the attention and the escape to care what damage results. This was me. There will always be emotional pain when things go south, along with "no one understands how much I care. No one gets me." This is a kind of identity crisis that I was only able to confront after losing a very, very good friend because of my carelessness and lack of boundaries. I can and will never speak to him again. He is the single person that changed my life and gave me the wakeup call I needed. Unfortunately, I hurt him dearly in the process of learning to emerge as the (hopefully) wiser woman I am today. 

How many "internet" relationships has she had... I mean purely online and never met in real life? Does she say that she prefers the personalities of people online? It's impossible to be truly vulnerable with a person online. You can always keep them at arms length and not really invest much. 

I'm not saying she's a bad person... Likely she doesn't have a clue. But there is an innate power play being a woman online and you should always be wary of it. 

Good luck with your talk.


----------

