# Confused how to deal with things, any suggestion?



## 2nd time around (Sep 4, 2012)

My wife is driving me crazy, I'm so disappointed how things have turned out. Need help dealing with issues. My wife is a total *****, she *****es about everything. She is rude and short doesnt care about other peoples feeling in our house and is very stubborn. I dont know how things got to this point - she certainly wasnt like this when we first meet - we were able to share our opionions, compromise, communicate and trust each other. Now its the total opposite. I dont want to say anything to her, she uses what I say and twist the truth. I was a single dad with two kids before I meet my current wife, she fit in well with my current family situation and was very caring and loving. after about three years thing changed as soon as I asked her to get married. I feel she only cares about her self and no one else matters. Her opinion is what we all need to do or hell will be paid. She screams, swears, intimitates everyone calls us names to our faces, cries, and is suicuidal. Everything that I used to loved doing with my wife has turned into total hattred. I loved my wife with all my heart and she has turned that into hate, were did I go wrong. I keep kicking myself asking the same question I should have never... I thought I was smarter than this having gone through a divorce already. I said this will never happen again - so stupid.
We have millions of issues just like everyones else but nothing get resolved. My wife the other day said that she was a ***** always has been a ***** and will never change, she was just faking it when we first meet. My question is do we stay and work things out or am I just prolonging the enevitalble...
FYI-she is going to councelling we have been to muliply councellers in the past 3-4 years to try to make thing work. How long should I tolerate this behaviour. do I wait till she all better with therapy then she want to leave????


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

2ndTime, welcome to the TAM forum. I'm so sorry to hear you and your W are having such painful difficulties. You seem to be describing behaviors that reflect strong aspects of a PD (personality disorder). I therefore suggest you see a clinical psychologist -- for a visit or two _by yourself_ -- to obtain a candid professional view on what it is you are dealing with.

Like you, I also lived for many years (15 in my case) with an unstable wife (now exW). I spent a small fortune taking her to weekly visits with 6 psychologists and several MCs -- all to no avail. I therefore suggest that, while you're waiting for an appointment with a psych, you read my description of what it is like to live with an emotionally unstable woman. My post appears in Maybe's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522. If that discussion rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you and point you to excellent online resources. Take care, 2ndTime.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> She screams, swears, intimitates everyone calls us names to our faces, cries, and is suicuidal
> 
> My wife the other day said that she was a ***** always has been a ***** and will never change, she was just faking it when we first meet. My question is do we stay and work things out or am I just prolonging the enevitalble...
> 
> FYI-she is going to councelling we have been to muliply councellers in the past 3-4 years to try to make thing work.


What are you waiting for? What you have stated above is a HUGE sign telling you to GET OUT NOW!

You both have been to counseling for 3-4 years and your wife is still suicidal?

You are not God and you cannot fix your wife. You have two choices.* Either you get out now or you stay and learn to hate even more*.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

2nd time around said:


> My question is do we stay and work things out or am I just prolonging the enevitalble...


I think that your wife's quote below should provide the answer to your question.



2nd time around said:


> My wife the other day said that she was a ***** always has been a ***** and will never change, she was just faking it when we first meet.


Sorry that you might have to go down this road. I remember when I first got divorced and swore never again. Since then, I had a change of heart, got married, and moved on with life. The thought of getting divorced _again_ is awful (and a little embarrassing). I feel for you.

One thing that I did learn from the first experience is that it is okay to put your (and your children's) best interest first. Pursue the life you want and be happy. 

If my wife started with crap like that and refused to change her behavior, as much as it hurt, I would have no choice but to kick her to the curb. My children and I don't have to put up with abuse (which is what she is doing). F-that. Also think about what you are showing your children is okay in a relationship. Is this how you want them to end up?


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