# How true is this? Article



## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

What Women Really Want in a Relationship | TIME.com

This seems true for me and my H

What do you all think?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thewife said:


> What Women Really Want in a Relationship | TIME.com
> 
> This seems true for me and my H
> 
> What do you all think?


Very true for me!

Mr. Pink is a classic conflict avoider and when I'm upset he runs the other way. It's not like I'm banging the cabinet doors and shooting him nasty looks. He has begun to realize how his avoidance feels like emotional abandonment, which only exacerbates the underlying problem. 

He does the same thing with our kids and it really makes me angry because it leaves me to talk with them and see what's going on.... always me! More abandonment. When I bring it up to him he shrugs and says, "but you're so much better at dealing with that..." Okay then from now on I will ignore any and all tasks at which he holds a greater skill.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

yup,I need full emotional openness in order to feel satisfied by the relationship.That elusive hiding your emotions crap is miserable.

I don't get satisfaction when he's angry or unhappy but I do gain a great sense of fulfillment from talking him through it and seeing him happy again.


----------



## canjad80 (Oct 31, 2011)

Not true at all for me. I identify much more with the male perspective in that article.

I'm not built for empathy. I'm a logical analyzer and a fixer. Emotions are like a foreign language to me, so if an SO is upset or angry, it usually just stresses me out. 

When I'm in a LTR, any sort of emotional discussion generally leaves me feeling insecure with the relationship. I feel closest to a partner when we're both happy.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I would way rather know my partner is upset and be able to discuss it and come to some sort of mutually agreeable resolution than to deal with stonewalling, denial of emotion, and conflict avoidance. Would I rather him be happy? Certainly. But I find that while men often claim to be "fixers" a fair number of them fall more into the "avoider" category. Can't we just have a calm discussion and resolve the issue rather than running from it, not talking about it, letting it fester into resentment, and doing all sorts of P-A stuff to "get back" at a partner who doesn't know you're unhappy because you won't talk about anything?


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

From the article....


> *the more communicative and empathetic men and women try to be in their relationships, the happier everyone is.*
> 
> “When women emphasize what makes them happy in the relationship and express it in a way their male partners can easily read, this gives their partner a satisfaction boost,” says Dr. Cohen. “Men, women want to know when you’re upset. Even if it is uncomfortable, expressing these emotions will make women feel better in the relationship.”
> 
> For both parties, the researchers stress the importance of simply trying to understand each other. “Demonstrating in some way that you are trying, even if you are not getting it right, is what’s most important for relationship satisfaction,” says Cohen.


 Agree 100%.....My husband can ALWAYS read my unhappiness... and he doesn't want it to be there... HE CARES....and when I am in tune with him...being careful to observe... (as he is more passive than myself-not wanting to burden anyone) ..the connection is always very strong.... He is high on the FEELING in his temperament profile (Feeling vs Thinking)... so his talking about his feelings and emphasizing with others comes pretty easy to him (when asked anyway, this never annoys him - odd for a man I suppose)....

...I sway back & forth on temperament tests from Thinking to Feeling... but as a woman, of course I love the open communication, I seek the logical as well as the Emotional...using them both in our relationships is where Wisdom resides !


----------



## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

SimplyAmorous said:


> From the article....
> 
> Agree 100%.....My husband can ALWAYS read my unhappiness... and he doesn't want it to be there... HE CARES....and when I am in tune with him...being careful to observe... (as he is more passive than myself-not wanting to burden anyone) ..the connection is always very strong.... He is high on the FEELING in his temperament profile (Feeling vs Thinking)... so his talking about his feelings and emphasizing with others comes pretty easy to him (when asked anyway, this never annoys him - odd for a man I suppose)....
> 
> ...I sway back & forth on temperament tests from Thinking to Feeling... but as a woman, of course I love the open communication, I seek the logical as well as the Emotional...using them both in our relationships is where Wisdom resides !


Agree SA

If we look at the model as a spectrum I guess most women fall into the emotional mind and most men fall into the logical mind (of course there are exceptions)? I guess the problem starts when a women from from the extreme left marries the man on the extreme right?


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I would way rather know my partner is upset and be able to discuss it and come to some sort of mutually agreeable resolution than to deal with stonewalling, denial of emotion, and conflict avoidance. Would I rather him be happy? Certainly. But I find that while men often claim to be "fixers" a fair number of them fall more into the "avoider" category. Can't we just have a calm discussion and resolve the issue rather than running from it, not talking about it, letting it fester into resentment, and doing all sorts of P-A stuff to "get back" at a partner who doesn't know you're unhappy because you won't talk about anything?


Very true it works both ways though


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

My wife is perfect in every way except telling me what her concerns are


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thewife said:


> Agree SA
> 
> If we look at the model as a spectrum I guess most women fall into the emotional mind and most men fall into the logical mind (of course there are exceptions)? I guess the problem starts when a women from from the extreme left marries the man on the extreme right?


I could not agree with you more ...just reading stories here & learning some temperament profiles from SOME posters..when a man is HIGH Logically ...his brain has almost little care for emotions, or feelings... it is a real struggle for him to RELATE to that -he may even call it nonsense... Take the INTP, for instance....recently in a going back & forth with another male poster... on an issue... I was sharing how WE feel...he kept hammering Logically to us.... so I looked up his temperament type...for curiosity....they are THE THINKERS....likely on the highest scale even! Just read what it says about how they handle the Emotional -- (in blue)



> Portrait of an INTP - the Thinkers
> 
> INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge. They are the "absent-minded professors", who highly value intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions.
> 
> ...


I believe it would marital HELL for an emotional woman to marry -a man with this temperament type... just wouldn't be working, would be like knocking your head against the wall every day!


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Here I thought all she wanted was a big c*ck and plenty of money to spend. (only provided one part of that equation)


----------



## canjad80 (Oct 31, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I could not agree with you more ...just reading stories here & learning some temperament profiles from SOME posters..when a man is HIGH Logically ...his brain has almost little care for emotions, or feelings... it is a real struggle for him to RELATE to that -he may even call it nonsense... Take the INTP, for instance....recently in a going back & forth with another male poster... on an issue... I was sharing how WE feel...he kept hammering Logically to us.... so I looked up his temperament type...for curiosity....they are THE THINKERS....likely on the highest scale even! Just read what it says about how they handle the Emotional -- (in blue)
> 
> I believe it would marital HELL for an emotional woman to marry -a man with this temperament type... just wouldn't be working, would be like knocking your head against the wall every day!


INTPs are usually up there for thinking, but they're *MUCH* better at dealing with emotions than INTJs. INTPs at least use *extroverted* feeling. That means that they process their feelings externally by talking about them. INTJs on the other hand use *introverted* feeling, which means that they process emotions internally. 

INTPs may not be good with emotions, but they are at least much more aware of their own. INTJs on the other hand, are so analytical that often times they can be completely unaware that they're feeling anything until well after the fact. They will look back on a situation later and think "oh gee, I was kind of upset by that thing that happened 2 weeks ago." 

When they realize they have an emotional response to work through, they will withdraw so they can process their emotions on their own. Once they understand what they were feeling on a rational level, THEN they can come back and talk about it. They simply do not feel or process emotions in real time - there's a substantial lag.

I'm an INTJ so I have almost none of the stereotypical traits associated with women (don't get me started on the problems THAT causes in relationships ). I'm about as far right on that emotional-logical mind spectrum as you can get. My most recent long term relationship happens to have been with an INTP male and he was waaaaaaaay more emotional than me.

Sorry for the minor thread derailment there  Learning about cognitive functions is one of my hobbies. I tend to go a bit overboard when the topic comes up!

Getting back on track, I definitely agree that knowing yourself and being aware that there are innate temperament/personality differences can save a lot of heartache in a relationship. Either by avoiding one altogether if you know there's a mismatch, or being a bit more understanding/knowledgeable of where your partner is coming from.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Eh, I say women want a whole lot more than that but empathy is a big one.


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

II have never understood exploding. I must admit to coming home from deployment and avoiding conflict but that was short lived. My wife bless her understood I just spent 17 months being shot at and honestly I'd had enough fighting for a while. Normally under usual times I will not run from a fight even with her. BUT with her I would also never get physical nor scream in anger at her. 

She has seen me angry but it was with someone who intended her harm and he didn't stand back up. I would never turn that anger on her because of many reasons. 1) I love her too much for that and we can talk rationally about anything. 2) She doesn't turn her anger on me. We have had our tough moments oh believe me we have. And with that there are times i am 100% wrong, times she is 100% wrong and times when we are both wrong and times we shouldn't be fighting at all. 

Though our fights are never angry fights. They might get loud at times or even intense but neither of us call the other names, neither of us "blame" the other or try to belittle them into changing their view. We have fought, walked away and regrouped and come back and discussed. I think this maybe the most important things in a fight.

1) Never ever call names or make it personal
2) Know when to take a breath and walk away for a moment
3) Come back after your moment and discuss the matter calmly and with a level head.
4) LISTEN to your spouse and know they are not being mean or hurtful they are upset like you trying to discuss something emotional to them.
5) Always make up, never go to bed angry.


----------

