# Need a Womans Advice!



## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Hello ladies, 

If I tell you my story your heart may break but I am fine now and recently back on my feet in terms of dating women. 

Over the past year being seperated, I've met quite a few women but I wasnt very attracted to them. 

So in December I met this girl through a mutual friend who I was super attracted to. I seen her here and there at a few parties and I guess after a while I let her know that I was interested in getting to know her better. 

Later that night before leaving she gave me her number. 

We exchanged msgs in January and finally met and the end of the month. We really kicked it off.. we ended up cancelling our movie and went back to my car where we ended up talking for at least 4 hrs... I was impressed that finally I found someone who I was actually interested in getting to know. 

Now please read carefully becasue I've been through a lot in my past relationship whereby I found out my wife was sleeping with her coworker and when I found out I left her immediately and ended the marriage of only 2.5 yrs. She was all I knew was with her for 12 yrs +.. totally devastated and heartbroken...

Fastforward I year later to be almost exact I look better feel better and ready for 2012. 

So back to this new girl, to be straight to the point I slept with her the second time I seen her. We spent the entire night together. Spent Valentines day with her and spent the night in a hotel room. Spent the entire day after hanging out and watching movies etc. 

Seen her almost once a week until maybe March. But the understanding was that we were both somewhat newly single and we would take things one ste at a time. .. not once did we speak about a relationship or commiment... 

Now here's where things change...

After we started sleeping together I did however, to be responsible and safe, asked her if she was sleeping with anyone else? I really didnt care at this point but if she was I wanted to use condoms. Taht's all... she said No... 

Over a period of time I asked her repeatidley and she said no even sort of made it seem like I was making her feel like a *****. 

I decided to buy a nice sports car and had to drive out to Ottawa to pick it up. I decided to ask her to come with me to keep me company. 

Again on our trip I asked her again.. Still no..

When we returned soon after she told me that she was ok with just seeing me even tho I didnt want any commitment etc. I thought she was so cool and figured that she was showing me that she wanted more from me...

coming from my situation though, I know that I wasnt ready for the commitment to anyone or anything but I still was completely honest and upfront with her from DAY 1.. I even told her that I hate ppl who lie.. that is my biggest pet peeve and turn off. 

She knew this...

Couple months pass and I can honestly say that she has been nothing but sweet, caring, and affectionate towards me. 

However, there was something about her from day 1 that I kinda figured that she was a great companion but not someone who I could see myself serious with or married to etc.. (this had to do with education, finances, permiscuity etc) 

I could say these things with no guilt b/c I never for once led her on to think we would be together rather I've told her I dont ever see myself married or commited to anyone again...

Anyways just last week I've come to find that during the time we were getting to know each other she had sex with a cop she met when her and a friend were pulled over early in January. She slept with him in Marh which apparantly was the "first and only" time. They stayed in a motel for couple hrs... before and after then she was msging him dirty msgs all the way up until me and her went away to Ottawa. I do however by way of he her msgs see that she cut him off cold turkey when we came back from picking up my new ride. 

Oh a side note the day I found this out she told me that she slept with her teacher back in December while attending college... she said he was her age.. and she said it was immoral..

Her excuse for both was that she was still finding herself and what it was to be single and experimenting etc. She started seeing her teacher after she broke up with her boyfriend of 8 yrs. which apparantly was before me so I cant hold that against her. 

What erks me is the fact that with nothing at stake and me and her getting to know one another, me not really caring if she was seeing other ppl b/c I wanted to take things one step at a time...she lied to me about seeing other ppl. To top it off, it wasnt even someone she said she like it was a cop that pulled her over and it was a "fling".. Her messages were very explicit and dirty told him he could do her in his car.. sent him semi nude picks etc... this was all before we left literally up to the day I picked up my new sports car... when we got back by the looks of her msgs, she cut off all communication with him. 

My question is I want a womans perspective on this:

Is her history and behaviour something normal that any woman will do when single or in general?.. "flings, one night stands etc", cops, teachers, etc. And then all of a sudden what so much more from me. 

Or are these early warning signs that this is not the "type" of woman I want to start a meaningful relationship with. 

As a side, I never really though she was the bring home to parents type, but she is a very sweet girl, been nothing but good to me... and the sex is rediculous! (like I've never had before) 

The wierd part about it is that I am hurt at the fact that she lied to me for 1 (taking away my choice to use protection) 

2. sending extreme sexual msgs to this man right up until the weekend we left for Ottawa. 

Should I cut it off immediatly or continue the relationship for the mere pleasure and enjoy her while I am single.

She did send me an email begging me for forgiveness and asking me to dig deep and give her a second chance to prove that she will never lie or cheat on me.. and that she ****ed up this one and only time. She even mentioned that her feelings for me are beyond like now she has love for me and that she is not asking me for a commitment just not to cut her out of my life. 


Please Help!!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

She not only lied to you countless times but put your health at risk of serious STDs. Enjoy the ride but don't have a serious relationship with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Could you ever fully trust her? Go with your "gut" for the answer.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What you have seen up to now is what you get.

She will lie when it suits her.

Your reason you give for asking her over and over is a bit weak... to know if you needed to use protection? If you are not in a committed relationship with a person you always use protection. They are not committed. 

You had sex with a woman that you hardly knew and you trusted that she was telling you the truth?

Did the both of you have test done before you started to have sex?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

It sounds like she was just as ambiguous as your relationship was. I don't understand why she wasn't honest with you, but my guess is that she was probably hoping your relationship would evolve into more.

And she did NOT take away your choice to use protection, YOU did. You barely know this girl, slept with her the second time around, if you were worried about getting something you should have been keeping it wrapped from day one.

Had you slept with anyone else while you were dating her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Well, it comes down to the lying part. If you are willing to give her a 2nd chance, fine. But only one 2nd chance. Really. 

All the other stuff is a non-issue. If she has a healthy sexuality and enjoys more casual sex, so what? In a clearly uncommitted relationship, that is absolutely none of your business. So what if she is texting and sleeping around? None of your business. While nothing justifies her lying, I think you were totally remiss in even asking her and in making any assumptions--when in an uncommitted relationship. You must have come across as truly bi-polar with all this assurance about being uncommitted to her, but wanting to know she was sexually exclusive with you. Again, lying is wrong, and I don't respect her answers. I'm just telling you, look at your own behavior. 

If you are sending such mixed signals, it's no wonder you yourself are confused. You cannot judge her as "relationship material" when you made it utterly clear that you were NOT in a relationship--and then acted possessive to boot. Just sayin'. Enjoy--and if you want to see how she behaves in an exclusive relationship, then give her one. 

FWIW, some people believe it is ok to lie when asked a question that is no one elses business. I think that she may have lied for that reason; you had no business asking about her sex life since you made it so clear she was not your exclusive person (emotionally, whatever). I think she crossed a line b/c of the STD issue. But then, I would never be on here asking the questions you have asked, b/c I'd assume I needed to protect myself and I wouldn't be ASKING for sexual exlusivity from someone I was not otherwise exclusive with.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I'd be ticked off about the lying part because you asked her a direct answer that required a direct answer, no himming or hawing about it.
Before my H & I were exclusively dating, I was also dating other people & also had sex with another man.
He also was dating other people & had sex with another woman.
I think as long as you're both up front & honest with one another about who is having sex with whomever, there should be no issues.
BUT, once the lies start, you have to ask yourself when will the lies stop?
For a relationship this new, even without the exclusivity, I would have to let this one go, too much deceit, too soon.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Sorry about what happened, but you are a little unreasonable too. If you said, I love you, you're what I want in life, and hopefully we can be together, I can understand. However, you said, you did not want a long-term exclusive relationship to her and posted you were not looking for marriage. However you wanted her exclusively available to you, sounds a little unreasonable. 

In short, I don't think your wife cheating is comparable to the non-exclusive not permanent dating friend cheating.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> Sorry about what happened, but you are a little unreasonable too. If you said, I love you, you're what I want in life, and hopefully we can be together, I can understand. However, you said, you did not want a long-term exclusive relationship to her and posted you were not looking for marriage. However you wanted her exclusively available to you, sounds a little unreasonable.
> 
> In short, I don't think your wife cheating is comparable to the non-exclusive not permanent dating friend cheating.


Yep... i agree.

This current girl freind did not really cheat. In order to cheat there has to be a committment. She was just not willing to reveal what her sex life really was.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

Dino Bravo said:


> She did send me an email begging me for forgiveness and asking me to dig deep and give her a second chance to prove that she will never lie or cheat on me.. and that she ****ed up this one and only time. She even mentioned that her feelings for me are beyond like now she has love for me and that she is not asking me for a commitment just not to cut her out of my life.
> 
> 
> Please Help!!


So I haven't read through all the responses yet as I'm on my way to bed but I just wanted to say that it wasn't "this one and only time", she lied to you about it multiple times, it may have all been about the same thing but that doesn't make it one time. If you were in relationship and she was cheating on you, multiple times, with multiple people (since the lies were multiple about multiple people) would that only be considered ONE time? I don't think so. Anyway, I'll respond more tomorrow, just something to think about.:sleeping:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Dino Bravo,
The point is both of you sat and spoke initially for hours.
You made certain things clear,she also did.
There was no commitment,but there was a certain understanding .
Implicit in that understanding was the ultimate goal of commitment.
This was not any "friends with benefits " arrangement. That's why you repeatedly asked her if she was sleeping with anybody else.
Sorry sir,
But she repeatedly deceived you.
There is a saying that " .....those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it...."
Remember your ex wife was sleeping around with her co worker.
Maybe ,that's why you are confused and in this place.
What happens next,
Is entirely is up to you.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

Well you already said that you don't want any thing serious with her so just start using protection from now on.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

We really can't judge what is and isn't normal behavior regarding sleeping around as everyone is different. I will say it isn't unheard of.

I don't see this as she cheated on you, because you two weren't committed solely to each other.

However and you said it perfectly yourself, she lied where there were really no consequences for doing so, you weren't in a monogamous relationship, you were really just booty calls, if she lies about it now just imagine what will happen if you're actually together and when she has something to lose. She's already started this relationship out on lies and deceit, she will continue to do so with pretty much anything and everything she thinks you won't approve of. 

My advice is to just cut the ties with her all together. Continuing to sleep with her isn't a wise idea, it will just lead her to believe that you're okay with her lies and give her hope of something more serious in the future, it will also only stand to deepen any emotions you two may have for each other.

TL;DR: She started the relationship with lies, they aren't going to stop when she becomes further emotionally connected. Cut ties all together with this woman. You can be friends, but no sex, no relationships.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> We really can't judge what is and isn't normal behavior regarding sleeping around as everyone is different. I will say it isn't unheard of.
> 
> I don't see this as she cheated on you, because you two weren't committed solely to each other.
> 
> ...



:iagree:

Full Stop


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I"m sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted,

My only advice is while dating in these times... is to take a stand that you will always have protected sex until you have the following contexted convo:

You agree you are both NOT sleeping with other people, AND you both get STD testing. If you are both clean, then you can consider unprotected sex. 

It's a sad fact these days. 

Having an informal relationship has those risks. Play safe.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What you have seen up to now is what you get.
> 
> She will lie when it suits her.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately we did not, but I am going to get checked ASAP.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Had you slept with anyone else while you were dating her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


No I was not. 

I thought we had an understanding that we were talking things one day at a time in terms of getting to know each other since we both got out of long relationships.. It really wasn't a matter of being upset if she was it is more of now that I know I feel that I was mislead to think we were really into each other and we were going to be open and honest about our feelings especially seeing that we were intimate. If she was seeing, talking or sleeping with someone else it would be fair to let me know... my approach to the relationship would have been different. The last thing I wanted was to start a new relationship out on a lie.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I could say these things with no guilt b/c I never for once led her on to think we would be together rather I've told her I dont ever see myself married or commited to anyone again...

From a woman's perspective... you made it clear to her that there was no committment. Yes, you think you asked her for FWB and don't sleep with anyone else. But without a commitment, most women take that to mean they are free to FIND someone who wants a commitment, if that's what they want.

If there is no commitment, assume they are free to sleep with other people, and take precautions. 

How did you find out about the other guys? I'm curious about that.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

[How did you find out about the other guys? I'm curious about that.[/QUOTE]



You see when we initially started talking she mentioned "friends" she had or ppl who tried to pick her up etc. 

It was the understanding of "are you or are you not currently seeing anyone else"...that's all. She wanted to know the same. It was more of seeking an understanding of where we stand in terms of where we're coming from and where we presently are in our lives. 

We got into our first arument ever and I always wondered about her cop friend she met who is only a friend etc. So I asked her that since me and her spend so much time together and she's mentioned a relationship serveral times I said fine, show me that he is just your friend. Let me see your txt msgs. 

That's where it all came out litterally like a ton of bricks.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

FWB never usually ends up well. Keep it short and sweet. If you are starting to ask if they are sleeping with other people, move on to the next gf. 

I know some people think it's the ideal. Constant sex whenever you want it, on call, no committment. But you tend to forget the lack of committment part after awhile. 

And if you had no intentions of ever marrying her... what did she have to lose by lying to you? She was going to lose you? that's the mindset you get with a FWB. No commitment means just that. She's not yours. And it's none of your business if she sleeps with someone else. Harsh I know. It's usually the dude that does the extra on the side, though.


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