# Drugs, Trust, and Money



## Aiko

Well, this is my first time posting on a forum, and I'm a little nervous about (FINALLY!:smthumbup getting my personal problems out in the open for others to see...so let's hope that I'm able to depict my thoughts in the best way I can. This may be a LONG post, but I will be SO grateful to those who read and respond.

When my husband and I first met, we were both doing drugs (strictly illegal and prescription), and, for the first two months of our relationship, we spent most of our time together under chemical influence. Thankfully, once we cleaned up, we realized that our relationship held more than mutual drug use.

Unfortunately, (seemingly) positive past recreational drug use seems to birth a bit of nostalgia, and we soon decided to try our hand at occasional use of a certain prescription pain killer. I ended up not liking the side effects of this drug, and discontinued my use, though he often offered it to me. It wasn't too long before he stopped offering me the drug, and I believed that he had decided to stop using, as well. Not long after, I noticed unusual daily behaviors that lead me to believe he might still be using. Long story short, I confronted him with my thoughts, to which he replied, "No, I would never do that, because I don't want to lose your trust." Nevertheless, I caught him going out to purchase said drug. Another confrontation, and he told me he was addicted and that he was going to stop. This was four months before we got married.

Today, almost two years after the incident, I STILL struggle with trust issues. And, to add fuel to the fire, he *seems* to have spending issues. Just recently, I calculated almost $700 in bank withdrawals, ALONE, in a month's time, with no deficiency in regular debit card spending. Yet another confrontation, and he tells me it has no relation to his (hopefully) previous drug use. I'm tired of stalking his bank accounts and worrying about our future (don't even get me started about bringing children into such a problem; thank goodness we don't have any, yet).

My questions are: Do my fears and suspicions seem warranted? Is there ANY chance that someone in my predicament can get ANY sense of trust and security back if no problem actually exists? What can I do (or let go of/not do) to help this situation?

Once again...long post, but any insight/advice would be appreciated.


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## justean

well i just answered your other thread and reading this one.
i was married the first time at 21 and if youve got all this as well.
well you wil have a life of it and trust me its an awful life. from experience doesnt sound like your fella will change. 
well i change my view now. there are blokes out there who wouldnt do what your fella does to you in your relationship.
when i split with my ex, my life really started. 
there is better.
if your feeling like that about children with him.
well when i had miscarried and yes it was sad, but to have a child with someone that used and abused me. well what kind of role model would that have been.
plus the fact my ex although he wouldnt have wanted me, would have been in my life forever through my children , had i had n e with him. and he would have made my life a living hell.
i wish you luck and take care.


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## Aiko

justean said:


> well you wil have a life of it and trust me its an awful life. from experience doesnt sound like your fella will change.
> well i change my view now. there are blokes out there who wouldnt do what your fella does to you in your relationship.
> when i split with my ex, my life really started.
> there is better.
> if your feeling like that about children with him.
> well when i had miscarried and yes it was sad, but to have a child with someone that used and abused me. well what kind of role model would that have been.
> plus the fact my ex although he wouldnt have wanted me, would have been in my life forever through my children , had i had n e with him. and he would have made my life a living hell.


Is this the only way to deal with this? No one's ever told me, flat out, that it would be better to leave him, and, although I can see why a rational mind would do just that, I want to stay with him. Although he's got his problems (as we all do), he's not abusive by any stretch. If he is using, it's not progressed to interfering with taking care of home, just yet. I'm not ready to have children with him because I don't trust him (in addition to the possibility of my child being exposed to drug use, of course). And that's my biggest issue.

Of course, I'm hoping that my fears (although founded) are not valid.


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## justean

if im honest, you have to do whats right for you.
no its not the only way to deal with it. because you can try many ways to cope with your H attitude and his behaviour. but he stil stays the same. he wont change for you, so your efforts wil more be around him in your life. 
in your situation , you wil work around him, not vice versa.
so its what you want to put up with.
but THE REALITY, IT WONT CHANGE. 
but i know in the long run he really wont change. ive seen your scenario so many times.
as for your fears, those in the long run wil also be conclusive.
when you get those butterfly feelings in your stomach that make you nervous about something, they are there for a reason, for instinct, for truth.
in my case my ex cheated on me many times. being hit was also in the marriage. 
our issues might not be similar but the reality of our relationships do actually coincide. my ex didnt change. it was all about him. i didnt fit in his life.


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