# What do you get for your birthday?



## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Me and my wife have been married for going on 10yrs now and when she asked me what I would like for my birthday I replied a bj would great, oh and a cake. In the past she has never given me a bj for my birthday and since I never receive a bj from her throughout the year what better time then my birthday. So on my birthday we engaged in sex, no oral, thought she might save that for later, but the day flew by with no cake and no bj. The next day she asked me how my birthday was and I calmly said that it was no different from any other year where I didn't get anything I had asked for, she played dumb and thought I was talking about the cake and I said among other things too. She said that she had sex with me and that I should be happy with that, but I told her why would I be happy with something I get all the time? Its what I don't get all the time that I would like on my birthday. Am I wrong for being like this? I wasn't mean about it and told her there is always next year. I feel like she ignored my request and only did what she wanted to, should I be the same way when her birthday rolls around and she has a request?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

So your wife has a general aversion to oral? Do you know why she does? Do you do oral on her? I think it is kind of crappy that she didn't at least try. Is she normally like doing her own thing?

I think if you purposefully go out of your way to NOT give her what she wants on her birthday, that is kind of passive aggressive, and I doubt the message you want to send will be heard. I think you need to talk to her about a couple of seperate issues here...assuming you do oral on her, you need to talk about the lack of oral for you in a separate context from your talk about why she didn't want to give you what you asked for for your birthday...

I got morning sex, outdoor afternoon sex and road head on our way home from my birthday party...I happily obliged her birthday request, and pounded the hell out of her a couple of times...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My wife, in a situation like this, would say "what's in it for me?" She's basically selfish. Would rather have sex than give oral simply because she wants to get hers. Even if its a once a year birthday. 

Even so, I get it every so often. But that's the comment she always makes.


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## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Yes in the past she has had a general aversion to oral, mostly religion and a past experience with another guy, but we have talked about it and its something she has been working on for about 3yrs now, she didn't just dive in but started with oral before sex but has yet to work up to a complete bj. I also give her oral all the time, seriously all the time, its something I like to do for her but now I just get resentful of what she doesn't do for me or try to do for me. The cake was just out of laziness and she finally made it 2 days later. I know I can't hold onto the past but I feel nothing is going to get through to her if I don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Waited4This said:


> Me and my wife have been married for going on 10yrs now and when she asked me what I would like for my birthday I replied a bj would great, oh and a cake. In the past she has never given me a bj for my birthday and since I never receive a bj from her throughout the year what better time then my birthday. So on my birthday we engaged in sex, no oral, thought she might save that for later, but the day flew by with no cake and no bj. The next day she asked me how my birthday was and I calmly said that it was no different from any other year where I didn't get anything I had asked for, she played dumb and thought I was talking about the cake and I said among other things too. She said that she had sex with me and that I should be happy with that, but I told her why would I be happy with something I get all the time? Its what I don't get all the time that I would like on my birthday. Am I wrong for being like this? I wasn't mean about it and told her there is always next year. I feel like she ignored my request and only did what she wanted to, should I be the same way when her birthday rolls around and she has a request?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pretending like she forgot was a bunch of BS. Perhaps she could've addressed it. "Honey, I know you really wanted a BJ for your birthday. For xyz reason, I cannot bring myself to do it... I want to please you, but I just have an aversion to it and I hope you can understand"...

What if she was forced to do em, etc, etc when she was younger, raped, etc. 

But playing it off like she forgot is straight out lying.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Ok I am going to go out on a limb here so be nice.... when I was first married I had a real dislike of giving bj as well. It was because of my very conservative background and in general I just didn't understand men or men's needs. I was about as inexperienced as a person could be. My hubby pushed and pushed.... similar to what your doing to get bj's trying to get me to do them. He tried everything, getting me drunk, bargaining, doing things around the house... etc.... I simply wasn't comfortable with it, I didn't understand how to do it. No laughing here guys...I really was that naive. If I had understood how important it was to him, I would have tried harder to figure it out all those years ago. 

I didn't understand why he liked it so much, I didn't understand how it made him feel connected to me, made him feel loved, I didn't understand his needs, it just seemed like a perversion to me. Your not going to like my answer for how "I" changed (it was nothing hubby did, I had to decide to change), but one day "I" decided I was tired of his whining and wanted to figure out why he wouldn't let it go. I went and bought some books on pleasuring a man orally and men's sexual needs..... well I got and education I wish someone had given me 20 years earlier. Yeah it took 20 years for him to start getting bj's a couple times a week. But he does get them all the time now and I love giving them to him. 

Hubby loves taking me to the book store now and mentioning if we should check out the sex books to see if there is anything new we need to try out. He is such a %&#@ sometimes. :smthumbup: Don't know if I helped you, but sometimes it's not always what you think the issues is that is the problem.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

mineforever said:


> Ok I am going to go out on a limb here so be nice.... when I was first married I had a real dislike of giving bj as well. It was because of my very conservative background and in general I just didn't understand men or men's needs. I was about as inexperienced as a person could be. My hubby pushed and pushed.... similar to what your doing to get bj's trying to get me to do them. He tried everything, getting me drunk, bargaining, doing things around the house... etc.... I simply wasn't comfortable with it, I didn't understand how to do it. No laughing here guys...I really was that naive. If I had understood how important it was to him, I would have tried harder to figure it out all those years ago.
> 
> I didn't understand why he liked it so much, I didn't understand how it made him feel connected to me, made him feel loved, I didn't understand his needs, it just seemed like a perversion to me. Your not going to like my answer for how "I" changed (it was nothing hubby did, I had to decide to change), but one day "I" decided I was tired of his whining and wanted to figure out why he wouldn't let it go. I went and bought some books on pleasuring a man orally and men's sexual needs..... well I got and education I wish someone had given me 20 years earlier. Yeah it took 20 years for him to start getting bj's a couple times a week. But he does get them all the time now and I love giving them to him.
> 
> Hubby loves taking me to the book store now and mentioning if we should check out the sex books to see if there is anything new we need to try out. He is such a %&#@ sometimes. :smthumbup: Don't know if I helped you, but sometimes it's not always what you think the issues is that is the problem.



Someone's faith has nothing to do with sex or oral sex. My wife is on the fence because her dad is an atheist and her mom a god fearing woman. She gives me BJ's just fine and swallows. I am a man of faith (not a goodie goodie though) and I love sex and oral sex!!!

For my birthday, I got no card, no cake, no sex, nothing. Her reason, you work on Monday. So by Friday, I was getting *****y and nasty and she asked why? I told her, no card, no cake, no sex, nothing!!! She asks me, what do you want for dinner and I'll pay for it, you order and receive it at the door. I told her, you can stick your food were the sun doesn't shine. I want sex with you!!! She's sighed and walked away and no sex that night. Then this Saturday morning, while I was half asleep, she starts masturbating me, and then gave me a BJ and swallowed. That has made my day and I feel great and we're talking, hugging, etc. Now if I wouldn't of told her, it never would of happened at all. Just Sad. Why are women like this????

How's this? No sex, no husband and there's the door. Friends don't get married, loving hubby and wifee do!!! Right? 

Now when its her birthday, I totally surprise her with a card, flowers, her fav chocolate mint bars and order in dinner before she gets home from work. All a complete surprise. Why can't she do the same for me?


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

When I said conservative I wasn't referring to my faith. Though I am a Christian... I was actually referring to the fact I am the only living female in my family.... all males. You would have thought with all that "T" walking around I would have known everything... but no not back then. They treated me like I was a toddler... never told me anything! Different times I suppose, I got my education my own way....books and hubby.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Like mineforever said - I honestly think some women just do know what to do when they get down there. That is good she is trying but she just may need some pointers. Is she against viewing porn of any sort? There are a lot of good instructional videos that may build her confidence. Back in the day this is how I learned to give one. 

I know somewhat where you are coming from because my husband has just recently started giving me oral. Its going really well so far. He just needed some pointers and confidence.

I agree, though, I feel bad for anyone who goes through life without some oral. There is something very intimate and accepting about it.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think this is the 3rd thread since I've started coming here where the wife asks the husband what he would like for his birthday and then she does nothing or completely the opposite, (in some cases the requests weren't even sexual). What is with these women? If my husband said x,y and z, I would try my best to do x,y and z. Is it a power or passive aggressive thing? It's such a crappy thing to do.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My wife, in a situation like this, would say "what's in it for me?" She's basically selfish. Would rather have sex than give oral simply because she wants to get hers. Even if its a once a year birthday.
> 
> Even so, I get it every so often. But that's the comment she always makes.


next time tell her the joy of pleasing your husband and knowing you made his day.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I can't imagine as a grown man asking for a bday gift and being upset that I didn't get one. I only realized it was my bday this year cause i was buying my wife a car and found it hard to put 13 as the year lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I can't see anything wrong with a grown man asking for what he wants on his BD or any other day. I find it very sexy when Mr H asks/tells me what he wants. Actually as a woman I find real power in being able to give my guy what he wants, that goes hand in hand with being able to express my love for him by giving what it is that makes him happy.

No help here OP, sounds like a major resentment and communication problem. If a partner shows no interest in making the other happy there are deep seated issues that a BD BJ won't fix.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I'm lucky if I get a Christmas card on my birthday.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I agree with Holland. From OP's descriptions he is doing everything he is supposed to be doing for his W.

I mean, she didn't even get him a cake, wth? Something is up.

I can't believe how many women refuse to give oral to their husbands. I don't buy that she just doesn't know what to do down there. It's really not that complicated, and we have the internet now folks.

I'm sorry OP, that stinks


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sbrown said:


> I can't imagine as a grown man asking for a bday gift and being upset that I didn't get one. I only realized it was my bday this year cause i was buying my wife a car and found it hard to put 13 as the year lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But she asked him what he wanted. I'm a grown up but if my husband specifically ask me what I'd assume he was interested in getting me what I wanted. 

I would be very disappointed if he did not bother to follow through. Why would a person ask and then get pissed when it is pointed out that the request was ignored? 

It would have been better not to ask. You are probably not as sensitive to such things and don't make a big deal out of it. I admit I am sensitive to such things. Perhaps it would be more adaptive to let it go. 

OP I would be careful about acting resentful and threatening to retaliate. I think reminding her calmly that she asked you and that you are disappointed. Even though she asked, she may resent that you got angry about it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Soveryalone said:


> the gift I got was AMAZING AND INCREDIBLE AND SO THOUGHTFUL !!!my birthday was june 14th , I was in a LTR of 12 years and on that night the woman I was going to marry , the future mother of my children , the woman I wanted to spend life with told me if I called her one more time I was going to get to hear her new BF ( an old friend) F_cking her, * (nothing like letting someone know its over for good huh ladies? )*


Why *"huh ladies?"* It has nothing to do with any of us, none of us did this and it is something I would not even think of let alone actually do.
Maybe you should not have called her after you broke up, why were you calling her so much that she decided to threaten you to stop?


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## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Since posting this yesterday I have found out that she has been looking at porn on her phone which I wouldn't care about but earlier this year she found what she assumed was too much on my phone and asked that I stop looking at porn and that she would do the same. I only found this because I was looking up a show time for a movie we was going to see for our date night, I wanted to leave the page open so that when she went to use her phone it would be there right in front of her. She also made a comment about my birthday and I replied that I didn't get anything I asked for, her response was that she had sex with me and then it went into she never can do anything right for me and she doesn't know why she tries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

It's bad enough you didn't get the BJ, but to wait 2 days to give you a cake, that's just messed up. 
It was only a cake, how hard is it to give the man a damn cake for his bday? 
That's just heartless since she knew you wanted one because you only asked for 2 things for your bday. 
Seems like she's in hyper passive-aggressive mode, might want to keep doing some snooping around, see what else is up.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

When I ask my hubby what he wants... it's usually "nothing.. I don't need anythying". Or "A winning lottery ticket".

IF he actually suggests an Item I can purchase, or feesably give him, then I get him it. This is very rare. 

Funny, hes' never ever ever asked for a cake. You mean he really wants one, even if he doesn't ask?
Hubby said to get our son a cake this year for his b-day.. if nothing else (because I don't bake cakes for hubby?).. But when asked what kind of cake son wanted... He said he didn't. He'd rather have donuts. So that's what we did. Bought him fresh, local bakery donuts.

So, is it horrid that I don't bake cakes for ppls birthdays? (Mind you, I burn about anything I touch in the kitchen.)


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Lol all this talk about bdays has reminded me of my wife and I first bday togethor. See, I don't like getting gifts, it is truly a rare occasion that someone has gotten me anything that I really liked/wanted. I never know what to say or how to act...and usually if I see something I want I go get it. Well my wife and I had only been dating a few months, my bday was coming up and she mentioned what I wanted. I told her how I felt about gifts in general and told her not to buy me anything. Her response was "Well if I can't get you anything, you can't get me anything." To which I completely and happily agreed too. Well my bday comes and goes and I got exactly what I wanted, nothing. Well her bday comes and goes and she got exactly what are agreement was, and needless to say, she was upset. And said "a card ain't much". To which I replied " I will not play these high school games where I have to decipher the hidden meaning to what you tell me. If you wanted a card you should have said so. You'll be honest with me or you will get exactly what you ask for." Well the next year she proclaimed "I don't know what I want, but I want something." I teased her for weeks she was getting tube socks and I did get her tube socks and put them in the pockets of the Harley Davidson leather jacket she had been ewwing and ahhing over a few weeks before. Lol sorry for the derail, it just reminded me of my own experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> When I ask my hubby what he wants... it's usually "nothing.. I don't need anythying". Or "A winning lottery ticket".
> 
> IF he actually suggests an Item I can purchase, or feesably give him, then I get him it. This is very rare.
> 
> ...



The OP mentioned in his first post he asked for a BJ & a cake.
It all depends on the person, some people don't even like cake, so no need to worry you're not doing anything wrong unless someone tells you they want cake & then you don't get/bake one for them. 
As for the BJ, I'm going to warrant a guess that 99.9% of men like those.


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## jules1990 (Jun 13, 2013)

I asked for a horse for my birthday, best he could do was an hour riding lesson at a local riding school, but I was not really serious, but after the riding lesson it was onto a wellness spa, new outfit and lingerie for getting dressed into after and then a romantic dinner and a movie.

Why on earth should a cake and a sexual favor be denied either partner in a marriage? If my hubby can do so much on our limited budget and tight time schedule then a BJ should be the most awesome gift he got that day even if he didn't get the cake


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

You must be kidding...my hubby is the biggest kid there is. He starts with his birthday wish list atleast 2months early and usually has gotten the present early so I have to go buy another one so he has something to unwrap on his birthday. Don't get me started on Christmas...he hasn't waited till christmas to open his presents in 31 years and his hints start in September!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

jules1990 said:


> I asked for a horse for my birthday, best he could do was an hour riding lesson at a local riding school, but I was not really serious, but after the riding lesson it was onto a wellness spa, new outfit and lingerie for getting dressed into after and then a romantic dinner and a movie.
> 
> Why on earth should a cake and a sexual favor be denied either partner in a marriage? If my hubby can do so much on our limited budget and tight time schedule then a BJ should be the most awesome gift he got that day even if he didn't get the cake


haha sadly, not all women love to give a BJ
in many cases, they may not like the smell of semen or quite simply, they may feel as if they degrade themselves by giving their partners a BJ...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

mineforever said:


> You must be kidding...my hubby is the biggest kid there is. He starts with his birthday wish list atleast 2months early and usually has gotten the present early so I have to go buy another one so he has something to unwrap on his birthday. Don't get me started on Christmas...he hasn't waited till christmas to open his presents in 31 years and his hints start in September!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL.... SO .. six months out of the year is present time for him?!

Wow... How do you ever get a chance to save up for budgeting?

Surprise him one year, and hide all his christmas presents (like at a relatives house). don't mention them at all in the months/weeks before hand...... and then, he doesn't get to open them until later in the day when you go to said relative's house!!!! 

He would be in agony... but imagine the sweet surprise he gets with holding the anticipation until the last possible moment.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

All I want is to be acknowledged. As long as I got that I am good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Chelle D said:


> LOL.... SO .. six months out of the year is present time for him?!
> 
> Wow... How do you ever get a chance to save up for budgeting?
> 
> ...


We have tried to hide them from him....he is terrible about hunting them down. He will drive everyone in the family nuts till he finds them. We have only once managed to surprise him once and it took the whole family to do it. We did enjoy it though....everyone tries each year its kind of a family challenge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

to the OP...I go through the exact same thing with the bj's. I have told my wife on many occasions she does not have to spend a cent on my present.just give me a bj after a home cooked supper and I would be happy.it has never happened. 

for some reason she just does not want to do it really. she always finds some reason to not end it properly.the only time I got a complete bj was when I "forgot " to warn her about cumming. so she got a blast of sperm in her mouth. I hated to be tricky like that but it felt pretty good. 

once when I was out of town I was tempted to go to a prostitute but I knew it was not the answer. the idea left my head pretty fast. got a magazine and went back to the hotel.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

mineforever said:


> You must be kidding...my hubby is the biggest kid there is. He starts with his birthday wish list atleast 2months early and usually has gotten the present early so I have to go buy another one so he has something to unwrap on his birthday. Don't get me started on Christmas...he hasn't waited till christmas to open his presents in 31 years and his hints start in September!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We have birthday months, week and weekend. So it starts off as just joking oh it the birthday month as an excuse to do fun things, then on the birthday we give gifts, and we celebrate on the weekend because when a birthday falls on a weekday it's not much fun.

Husband is the same though, gifts months ahead, maybe he knows I don't like being empty handed and gets more gifts? :scratchhead:

I have never wrap a christmas gift for him either 

So, the point is, some adults do celebrate their birthdays and like it too.

I will add that any sex request (reasonable) can be petitioned and granted that month! And not limited to that month only


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

marko said:


> to the OP...I go through the exact same thing with the bj's. I have told my wife on many occasions she does not have to spend a cent on my present.just give me a bj after a home cooked supper and I would be happy.it has never happened.
> 
> for some reason she just does not want to do it really. she always finds some reason to not end it properly.the only time I got a complete bj was when I "forgot " to warn her about cumming. so she got a blast of sperm in her mouth. I hated to be tricky like that but it felt pretty good.
> 
> once when I was out of town I was tempted to go to a prostitute but I knew it was not the answer. the idea left my head pretty fast. got a magazine and went back to the hotel.


Buy her the book "he comes, next" He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man by Ian Kerner - Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

It can help her understand you better, it's well written and has illustrations.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

I always believe, if you do not want any disappointments, then please do not wish for anything that may not happen, wish for a birthday cake instead, for sure u will get it yearly without fail! 

then again, would u be able to live with this?haha


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

malmale said:


> I always believe, if you do not want any disappointments, then please do not wish for anything that may not happen, wish for a birthday cake instead, for sure u will get it yearly without fail!
> 
> then again, would u be able to live with this?haha


That's no way to live! 

I think that there's a bigger issue in the marriage when a spouse wont put any effort in pleasing (sexual and non-sexual) the person that should be the most important person in their life. Maybe it's a huge sign that they are not as committed to the marriage as they should? Or that they don't value their spouse. Putting the birthday wishes aside. I would assume we all want our spouses to be happy, that makes us happy too. If you lose this feeling, then your marriage is gonna take a huge hit.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Too many people fall into the mindset that they can treat their family or spouse however they want because they are family, and just take for granted that they will alwys be there. 

How often do we hear about spouses that say and do things to their spouse that they would not dare say or do to the common stranger? That's messed up. I think spouses should have the mindset that they treat their spouse better than anyone else.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Too many people fall into the mindset that they can treat their family or spouse however they want because they are family, and just take for granted that they will alwys be there.
> 
> How often do we hear about spouses that say and do things to their spouse that they would not dare say or do to the common stranger? That's messed up. I think spouses should have the mindset that they treat their spouse better than anyone else.


It's an easy trap to fall into. I've been guilty of it myself, and I'm trying to get better about it.

OP--I get the same treatment. 5 years running, I've asked for the same thing. I got "rainchecks" 4 out of the 5. Too bad it never rains around here.


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## jules1990 (Jun 13, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Too many people fall into the mindset that they can treat their family or spouse however they want because they are family, and just take for granted that they will alwys be there.
> 
> How often do we hear about spouses that say and do things to their spouse that they would not dare say or do to the common stranger? That's messed up. I think spouses should have the mindset that they treat their spouse better than anyone else.


You are so right there but often it is the case that there are underlying issues within families and marriages that are not spoken about, and this is the reason why they are so dysfunctional.

But having said that, it depends on what upbringing you have had how you were nurtured when yo were young and what fostering of behavioral traits you made.

I do believe the OP actually asked for cake and a BJ and got neither on his special day and had to gripe to get the cake and is holding out until his wake that he will get a BJ LOL


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Cake should be a given.

Asking for a BJ would be a huge turn off for me. But I guess if she never does it. .....I dunno.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Cake should be a given.
> 
> *Asking for a BJ would be a huge turn off for me*. But I guess if she never does it. .....I dunno.


Why?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Like, to say, "For my birthday I'd like a BJ." would be a turn off for me. I don't know why. It just would.

But I gave them freely when married. I dunno. If his wife doesn't like to do it and doesn't do it, then--- asking for it would be a turn off big time.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Like, to say, "For my birthday I'd like a BJ." would be a turn off for me. I don't know why. It just would.
> 
> But I gave them freely when married. I dunno. If his wife doesn't like to do it and doesn't do it, then--- asking for it would be a turn off big time.


Fair enough.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

I get exactly what I want, when I want it...

Would it be safe to say most TAM'ers are or where sex starved for various reasons and this is what brought us here?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

treyvion said:


> I get exactly what I want, when I want it...
> 
> Would it be safe to say most TAM'ers are or where sex starved for various reasons and this is what brought us here?


Sex was but one issue in my former marriage.

Sex is not a problem in my current relationship


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

treyvion said:


> I get exactly what I want, when I want it...
> 
> Would it be safe to say most TAM'ers are or where sex starved for various reasons and this is what brought us here?


Nope, that's not even close to being an issue, we're both HD.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

treyvion said:


> I get exactly what I want, when I want it...
> 
> Would it be safe to say most TAM'ers are or where sex starved for various reasons and this is what brought us here?


Partially for me, yes.

Although judging by the number of people in CWI vs Sex in Marriage at any given time, I'd say affairs are probably the biggest driver.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I don't understand where being a Christian has anything to do with it. I know the 10 commandments and I never saw one that says, "Thou shalt not give blow jobs". Now before someone starts giving me a load of grief, I'm not and never will knock someone's religion. I just think that she doesn't care if he's pleased or not. I think when a spouse has to beg for sex, it could only lead to trouble down the road which is why there are forums like this one.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

My husband and I started out with nothing. No money no jobs so sex was always the best gift. We just had this nonverbal agreement to give oral sex to whoever the birthday person was. 

Years later, it is the one thing we still do. Dosent matter if I'm not feeling to hot (there is a line of ewww your too sick go to sleep) dosent matter if he just had 2, 3, 4, that week, dosent matter tired headache, pms....

Same for me. I had my issues with bjs. I thought it was just some thing he wanted just to want. We had a good talk and he said its how he feels love. That was the only thing I needed to hear. 

We always had oral sex, but our talk opened up this whole other side of love and understanding. This year he got ink, and he surprised me with 2 comic books (volumes, not individual 3.99 books) and a steampunk box for my arm candy. 

Today is his birthday, and he will be getting a bj later tonite.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> My husband and I started out with nothing. No money no jobs so sex was always the best gift. We just had this nonverbal agreement to give oral sex to whoever the birthday person was.
> 
> Years later, it is the one thing we still do. Dosent matter if I'm not feeling to hot (there is a line of ewww your too sick go to sleep) dosent matter if he just had 2, 3, 4, that week, dosent matter tired headache, pms....
> 
> ...


Interesting how many women think like that, and how many don't bother to find out why men like them...


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

For the most part it didn't bother me doing them. But he didn't fill the love bank enough and I didn't fill the love bank enough....

We went round and round for a long time. I just didn't see the big deal if it didn't happen. Another vicious cycle. It didn't happen enough and he was irritable and grouchy, so then I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who was mean and crabby. 

*facepalm*

I had just accepted he must really really like them, so, I would just go ahead and continue. But the talk opened everything up. I cannot believe it took me 16 years to bring it up.....sigh....

Well years later, we are having fun, started having our "affair", it's still on hold as we handle real life......

Communication is so important. Ask questions, about everything.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Interesting how many women think like that, and how many don't bother to find out why men like them...


Ouchie. How about men step up and tell or show women just how much a BJ means to them.

I am mid 40's and only recently have I discovered just how much a good BJ means to my partner. Last week his post BJ reaction was the most loving post sex expression we have had. He was filled to the brim with emotion and he let me know it.
I give him BJ's because I know he loves them and it turns me on to do it.
I did not know that this act also carried a huge amount of feelings of love and affection for him, he never told me. But now he has let go and shown me with his reaction then I have a deeper understanding.

If you want your partner to know something, tell them. Don't play silly mind games and expect them to guess your secret. This goes for everyone, not just referring to men and BJ's.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

But for some, we can say and show how much it means, but it will just never happen. Some spouses just don't have it in them to do things just to please the other.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

Sorry to hear you didn't get a bj on your birthday but you still got more then me if that makes you feel any better all I got was a bye in the morning and im too tired at night, didn't even get the happy birthday until the following day when she realised but then she didn't try and make up for it.


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