# Wife wants to stay married but keep a married guy



## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

My wife wants to stay married and we are intimate but she wants to keep a married man who is 12 yrs younger then her! She and I have good relTion but she txt married guy etc says she has never slept with him! Any advice?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ddhammo said:


> My wife wants to stay married and we are intimate but she wants to keep a married man who is 12 yrs younger then her! She and I have good relTion but she txt married guy etc says she has never slept with him! Any advice?


Yep. Tell her to cut the sh*t out or she'll be served w/ divorce papers.

ETA: And is this the same guy that she was seeing when you posted the following thread earlier this month...?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/235657-big-mess-need-advice.html

Either way, there's almost 0 chance that she spent weeks going over to ^that^ guy's house and didn't sleep w/ him.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
What do you mean "keep" him? You mean like a puppy? She wants a pet to play with? Does your wife understand the concept of marriage, either hers or the OM's? If you mean as friends then it depends on how you feel about it. If it makes you uncomfortable then you need to explain this to her and she needs to cut him loose as a friend. She will do it willingly if she really cares about your feelings. If not, then you have other issues.


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## ddhammo (Dec 2, 2014)

Yes this correct
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What do YOU think a man should do when told his wife will screw as many men as she wants?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/235657-big-mess-need-advice.html

Keep it tied up.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Just make sure she knows that you'll be dating too.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

She wants her cake and wants to eat it too. If you can live with that, fine. If you can't, and it is eating at you, go.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What have you done to fix what YOU did wrong in the marriage?


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

ddhammo said:


> My wife wants to stay married and we are intimate but she wants to keep a married man who is 12 yrs younger then her! She and I have good relTion but she txt married guy etc says she has never slept with him! Any advice?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is she texting him about? Do you know? Is she doing more than just texting?


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

This is madness. End it. End your marriage.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Help understand this is she telling you she wants to have an open marriage? On both side?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

turnera said:


> What have you done to fix what YOU did wrong in the marriage?


That's a rather accusatory question, considering the OP says they have a good relationship otherwise. 

Would you have asked this question if the OP was female?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

ddhammo said:


> Yes this correct
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Which is correct exactly? You have been very vague about what you mean by "keep" this guy. 

If you mean sleep with him, then it's up to you how much of an open marriage you want. 

If you mean she wants to keep him as a friend, generally that shouldn't be a problem, as long as they are just friends. And his wife should be a friend to you both as well. 

Speaking of her, what does the other guy's wife think about it?


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Theseus said:


> That's a rather accusatory question, considering the OP says they have a good relationship otherwise.
> 
> Would you have asked this question if the OP was female?


If you read his other thread, you would see why the question is not accusatory.

For what it is worth, I think you need to separate. She wants the other guy, you think they are fooling around and you admit you took her for granted.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Theseus said:


> That's a rather accusatory question, considering the OP says they have a good relationship otherwise.
> 
> Would you have asked this question if the OP was female?


I only asked it after someone posted his other thread, which explains better the problems they've been having. As most BHs, he was 'shocked' that she would choose someone else, completely forgetting what life was like for her. So if he wants to get her to stop looking around, it behooves him to take a look on his side because if he doesn't, she'll just be out looking again in six more months.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, you sound like an "all over the place" kind of guy. You should really keep your threads together in one thread instead of posting random things. Now lets see if I got this right:


You and your wife have had a "good relationship" for 5 years.

You have been married for 6 years.

You are 48 and she is 41 (so not exactly spring chickens).

Then you worked really hard and ended up not having sex with her much and sleeping on the couch (for a year, I am guessing ?).

Then she feels that you were not there for her and thinks that you were cheating even though you were not.

Then she goes out and falls in love with another man (who is 12 years younger than her) and visits him often. She lies to you and says she is going to visit her Dad's but you have proof that she visits him.

You do not want to confront her with proof because you are scared she will leave you.

You are not even supposed to know who he is.

She says that she did not have sex with him but is now asking to have him on the side.

She still has sex with you and wants to keep you on the side.

She wants you to accept this without asking any questions about this relationship until she comes back to you.

She says that she is not divorcing or replacing you but doing to you what you did to her (although this is not what you did to her).

This is meant to be "punishment" for what "you did to her" but she is also in love with him.

And you are supposed to wait ad infinitum until she is "ready".

OK, you need to confirm that this is a fair summary of what you have said in your two threads and the chronological order is correct.

If it is, does it not seem like complete madness for you to be continuing with her on the basis she expects (and it seems you are at the moment) ?

Do you really believe that she hasn't had sex with him ?

Is he married ? In a relationship ?

Have you both been tested for STD's ? (You don't know if she used condoms).

Would you still want to reconcile with her if she has had sex with him ?

Many questions still, but hopefully these are for starters to get your current thinking on this.


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