# When the OW is Ms right. Guys Help



## thegodbody

Ok... I've been married for 8 years...My wife and I dated for 9 years before I popped the question. I've known the OW for over 15 years and she is everything I love in a woman. Is she just my fantasy or do I love her... Three kids with my wife 7,5,2 very little sex. My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids... I feel the same and have told her that. WE still walk around like we love each other but i find myself wanting to be with the OW. 

Help


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## unbelievable

You don't know anyone until you've lived with them for some time and you frequently don't know them even then. They all seem great at first. That's how they get us to take the cheese. You've got 17 years and 3 kids invested with your wife. OW is a fantasy. Your wife is real. Both women are imperfect and so are you.


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## EleGirl

Is the OW married? Or was she? 

If so what was her marriage like?


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## Po12345

You made a commitment when you married your wife. The feeling of being "in love" can seem to come and go for a lot of people. There are times where marriage can seem like a more difficult job than someone can handle but it as those times you must concentrate harder than ever on making things work. 

Without knowing more it is hard to make an informed reply beyond that. Do you and your wife communicate well? Do you fight all the time? Any infidelity within the marriage on either side? How much does this friendship you have with the OW take away from the emotional relationship you have with your wife? Are you involved in an emotional affair with the OW? Is the OW pushing you to leave your wife? Is your wife aware of the OW and is that part of why she is saying she is "only in this for the kids"? 

Something that was stated above makes a lot of sense... wanting is sometimes much nicer than having. You could possibly end things with your current wife, go to this OW, only to find out in a year that it was the biggest mistake you ever made. There were traits that you and your wife loved about each other at one time. Then things like job and children tend to create a gap between two people, especially with three young ones. Try and find those traits again, and never underestimate how much thinking about someone else can confuse the feelings you have for your spouse. It is impossible to fully love someone if you are splitting your heart up between different people.


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## FormerNiceGuy

thegodbody said:


> Is she just my fantasy or do I love her... Help


Likely a fantasy. But, if you cheat (EA or PA) with her or do something else stupid, you will screw that potential relationship up as well. The OW doesn't want to be with a lying, deceitful creep.



thegodbody said:


> My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids... I feel the same and have told her that.


Man up my friend. Sit down with the wife calmly and lay out the facts. Sexless & loveless marriage. We can both do better. The kids will survive. Divorce.

Now, if you have the guts to do this right, I am still betting that the grass will not be greener on the other side of the hill. The OW will be perfect until you start sleeping with her. You will eventually realize you married another version of your wife after the lust has died and that your dysfunctions cause you to repeat the same behavior patterns over and over again. 

Change shirt, get dirty, wash, repeat cycle.

My recommendations since you asked for help.

1. Conversation with wife. This is broken and we are probably heading for divorce. What about our relationship seems broken - take an inventory on both sides. No fighting, just try to establish the facts of your joint history.

2. Get into individual counseling with the inventory and try to understand your part of the problem. Your wife should do the same.

3. You and your wife should vow to get to the bottom of your own issues and then make a choice about the marriage. I think healthy people can make a difficult choice like this responsibly.

"If you like pina colada's, and get caught in the rain"


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## CandieGirl

thegodbody said:


> Ok... I've been married for 8 years...My wife and I dated for 9 years before I popped the question. I've known the OW for over 15 years and she is everything I love in a woman. Is she just my fantasy or do I love her... Three kids with my wife 7,5,2 very little sex. My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids... I feel the same and have told her that. WE still walk around like we love each other but i find myself wanting to be with the OW.
> 
> Help


Divorce your wife and marry the OW. That's what you want to hear anyway, right? So go for it.


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## Mavash.

There is no sex, your wife and you are only together for the kids, you don't love each other....what's the question again? 

To me the answer seems simple. Divorce your wife and go be with the OW.


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## grenville

FormerNiceGuy said:


> 3. You and your wife should vow to get to the bottom of your own issues and then make a choice about the marriage. I think healthy people can make a difficult choice like this responsibly.


Oh god, if only (for most people), it were that easy! When I've tried to have that kind of conversation with my wife she actually berates me for being so quiet and reasonable about it. Of course, me getting angry and agitated doesn't work any better for her.


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## Acorn

I really think the only factual thing that has happened is this other woman has made you aware of the loveless state of your marriage.

Decide if you want to try to fix the marriage, or if you want to be apart from it and see what happens. IMO, neither choice is wrong. You committed to your wife, but if she's openly telling you that she's just there for the kids, I think she's more or less let you off the hook of your commitment.

If you decide to leave, only then is the time to start thinking seriously about the OW.

The only bad choice is to make this a contest between your marriage and the OW without doing the in-between steps. That's really bad news.


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## thegodbody

Thanks everybody for the feedback...
The facts of the matter are.
1. My wife has forbid me to talk to this OW yet I still make time to be with her and do get aways and lunch, dinner and sex. I met the OW years ago while I was a manager and from day 1 I wanted her. We have been off and on for years... My wife is not aware of the full nature of my past relationship with the OW she just knows that we were friends and I was "once" attracted to her. A few years ago my wife found her number in my phone and I told her that I had been in contact and maintained a friendship. My wife told me to never contact her again and as far as my wife is concerned I haven't spoken to the OW since. The OW and I have done long periods where nothing happens between us but recently our actions have intensified. We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often. My wife of course is not aware of any of this and she would kill me if she found out. But, I have to admit I've never been faithful and now It just seems I'm not happy being married. But, man I love my kids and the thought of not seeing them and being there for them scares the mess out of me. I didn't have a father growing up. sorry for the rant but I need help. BTW i do love my wife.


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## thegodbody

EleGirl said:


> Is the OW married? Or was she?
> 
> If so what was her marriage like?


No, she is not married. She does have a young child around the same age as my 2nd child.


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## Shaggy

I guess you've got it all covered then? You think your a great dad, oh wait...here is a test, how would you react to a guy like you doing what youdo and married to one of your daughters? Would you be the proud fathering law? I mean like you he would rationalize out for himself on why he wasn't a cheating POS on your daughter. So that would be ok right? Or would you adding hypocrite to your list of personal attributes right after cheater?

You are a special great dad, you are a guy who is doing a despicable hateful thing and patting yourself on the back for being such a carring dad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MominMayberry

thegodbody said:


> Thanks everybody for the feedback...
> The facts of the matter are.
> 1. My wife has forbid me to talk to this OW yet I still make time to be with her and do get aways and lunch, dinner and sex. I met the OW years ago while I was a manager and from day 1 I wanted her. We have been off and on for years... My wife is not aware of the full nature of my past relationship with the OW she just knows that we were friends and I was "once" attracted to her. A few years ago my wife found her number in my phone and I told her that I had been in contact and maintained a friendship. My wife told me to never contact her again and as far as my wife is concerned I haven't spoken to the OW since. The OW and I have done long periods where nothing happens between us but recently our actions have intensified. We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often. My wife of course is not aware of any of this and she would kill me if she found out. But, I have to admit I've never been faithful and now It just seems I'm not happy being married. But, man I love my kids and the thought of not seeing them and being there for them scares the mess out of me. I didn't have a father growing up. sorry for the rant but I need help. BTW i do love my wife.


You say you have never been faith ful and wander why your marriage is bad? Do you see this? You say your wife doesnt want you yet you have cheated your marriage and she found out some of it and you dont care enough to care about your wifes wishes. How do you have a good marriage when you cheat the whole time?


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## DawnD

thegodbody said:


> But, I have to admit I've never been faithful and now It just seems I'm not happy being married.


be sure to share that little piece of information with your OW when you leave your wife. I am sure women will just be THROWING themselves at a guy who was never faithful in his marriage, yet claims he still LOVES his wife.


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## Posse

So you show your love by being a liar and a cheat!!?

Reading your posts made me throw up in my mouth.


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## imgonnabejustfine

If you love your wife and she still loves you, then you can make your marriage successful. I've been married 20 years and I'm going to be honest with you regarding what it's like for a woman to have three small children. IT IS INCREDIBLY DEMANDING AND EXHAUSTING, though I'm sure she wouldn't change it for the world. My advice to you, if you want to get the best out of your wife, the best thing you can do is be an engaged father to your children. That said, it goes way beyond you going to work and putting a roof over their head and food on the table. It means you help her with the day to day grind of raising three small children. Baths, diapers, feedings, tying shoes, getting them dressed, you get the idea. Have date night once a week and stick to it. Go away without the kids for the weekend a few times throughout the year. If you leave your family to be with the OW you will feel guilty. The guilt WILL affect your relationship with the OW, it will cause problems and discord between you. These are going to be some tough, demanding years, you chose to have three small children, which means your wife doesn't have the same amount of time and energy to give to you as she did before each successive child came along, that doesn't mean she loves you less or differently than she did before, each child places more demands on her, I wish men would get this. Your wife needs you now, more than ever --don't let her down.


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## CantSitStill

Wow! Well if your wife don't care and wants to stay together only for the kids then she wouldn't give a crap about whether you talk to the OW.Sooo even tho you love your wife why are you still with her? Wow! So the reason is because you are afraid she will kill you. Hmm..how old are you? You do not sound like someone with an adult brain. Why not get this divorce over with? Neither one of you really wanna be together so why are you still married? Gosh I hope you haven't shared any STDs with her or your OW. My advice is leave your wife and the OW and take some time to be alone till you grow up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable

People have to justify everything they do. Naturally, because you've been cheating on your wife, you have to justify that by convincing yourself that your marriage is crap, etc, etc. People who molest kids also find ways to justify their behavior.


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## Browncoat

1.) Your wife doesn't deserve a divorce, she has done you no wrong.

2.) You say you love her, and you have spent 17 years together.

3.) You have 3 small children who will be hurt if you divorce.

On the other hand you have a woman who you think might be the one, frankly you wouldn't know for sure until after you divorced your wife (and hurt your kids).

Stay with your wife, keep away from the OW, and work through whatever is bothering you in this marriage.

Frankly with 3 small children in the house I'm not surprised the sex life has suffered. She is likely exhausted. You need to do what you can to help her feel energized and feel like a woman and sexy again... not a woman who is constantly needed by 3 little children.


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## sandc

thegodbody said:


> Ok... I've been married for 8 years...My wife and I dated for 9 years before I popped the question. I've known the OW for over 15 years and she is everything I love in a woman. Is she just my fantasy or do I love her... Three kids with my wife 7,5,2 very little sex. My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids... I feel the same and have told her that. WE still walk around like we love each other but i find myself wanting to be with the OW.
> 
> Help


I'd like to hear your wife's side of the story.


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## Goldmember357

Mavash. said:


> There is no sex, your wife and you are only together for the kids, you don't love each other....what's the question again?
> 
> To me the answer seems simple. Divorce your wife and go be with the OW.


:iagree:


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## FormerNiceGuy

thegodbody said:


> We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often.


OK. Your life is about to make The Jerry Springer show look like Andy Griffith.

First, your initial post was completely dishonest. You are in the midst of a long term affair and living a double life. This is a salient fact. 

I take the fact that you are ashamed enough to try and hide it to mean that you are not a complete sociopath.

When this blows up, your world is going to come crashing down in ways you never imagined.

You have a choice:

Stand up and act with integrity, take responsibility for your actions, be completely honest and deal with the consequences.

Continue on your current path of living a lie until all the choices get made for you.

The second choice is going to hurt a lot more.


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## LonelyNLost

What kind of woman carries on with a married man for 15 years? Ask yourself that. Is she really "Ms. Right?" because that would imply that she's marriage material, and you admitted that you don't like being married and you have never been faithful. Why would things be different with the OW? You are too selfish for marriage. Do your wife a favor and divorce her, and pray that your kids even want to have a relationship with you. You say you'll miss them, well maybe you should have thought about that when you decided to have children with your wife and you were banging some skanky ***** on the side.


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## AFEH

thegodbody said:


> Thanks everybody for the feedback...
> The facts of the matter are.
> 1. My wife has forbid me to talk to this OW yet I still make time to be with her and do get aways and lunch, dinner and sex. I met the OW years ago while I was a manager and from day 1 I wanted her. We have been off and on for years... My wife is not aware of the full nature of my past relationship with the OW she just knows that we were friends and I was "once" attracted to her. A few years ago my wife found her number in my phone and I told her that I had been in contact and maintained a friendship. My wife told me to never contact her again and as far as my wife is concerned I haven't spoken to the OW since. The OW and I have done long periods where nothing happens between us but recently our actions have intensified. We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often. My wife of course is not aware of any of this and she would kill me if she found out. But, I have to admit I've never been faithful and now It just seems I'm not happy being married. But, man I love my kids and the thought of not seeing them and being there for them scares the mess out of me. I didn't have a father growing up. sorry for the rant but I need help. BTW i do love my wife.


Thegodbody plus ^ Gotta be a troll.


Or are you for real? No way you love your wife. But you are at least immensely self-centred, egocentric and possibly even narcissistic.


How would you feel if you discovered your wife had been in an affair for the past twenty years? That the past two decades of your life have been a complete and utter lie.

How would you feel if your affair partner had been seeing another man as well as you for the past twenty years?

In fact how would you feel if both of the women in your life had slept with other men while in a relationship with you?

Do both your wife and your affair partner a favour and drop them both. Take great care of your children and your ex wife while they become of age. And go and see a psychiatrist to discover who you really are inside and work on yourself to make yourself a better man.


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## AFEH

Let me give you a little insight into what you have done.

I have two friends who both discovered their husbands in long term affairs. One husband’s affair was for over twenty years. My friend needed two years of serious, intense psychotherapy before she could start functioning again as a “normal” woman. The second discovered her husband in an affair of thirteen years. Again she needed extensive, intense psychotherapy and was so seriously affected that she was actually sectioned on a number of occasions.


Have I got through to you. Have I got through to the seriousness of what you have done? Is there a conscience inside of you somewhere? A sense of morality? Of right and wrong?


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## CandieGirl

AFEH said:


> Let me give you a little insight into what you have done.
> 
> I have two friends who both discovered their husbands in long term affairs. One husband’s affair was for over twenty years. My friend needed two years of serious, intense psychotherapy before she could start functioning again as a “normal” woman. The second discovered her husband in an affair of thirteen years. Again she needed extensive, intense psychotherapy and was so seriously affected that she was actually sectioned on a number of occasions.
> 
> 
> Have I got through to you. Have I got through to the seriousness of what you have done? Is there a conscience inside of you somewhere? *A sense of morality*? Of right and wrong?


None at all. He is bragging about his affair!


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## reset button

thegodbody said:


> Thanks everybody for the feedback...
> The facts of the matter are.
> 1. My wife has forbid me to talk to this OW yet I still make time to be with her and do get aways and lunch, dinner and sex. I met the OW years ago while I was a manager and from day 1 I wanted her. We have been off and on for years... My wife is not aware of the full nature of my past relationship with the OW she just knows that we were friends and I was "once" attracted to her. A few years ago my wife found her number in my phone and I told her that I had been in contact and maintained a friendship. My wife told me to never contact her again and as far as my wife is concerned I haven't spoken to the OW since. The OW and I have done long periods where nothing happens between us but recently our actions have intensified. We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often. My wife of course is not aware of any of this and she would kill me if she found out. *But, I have to admit I've never been faithful and now It just seems I'm not happy being married*. But, man I love my kids and the thought of not seeing them and being there for them scares the mess out of me. I didn't have a father growing up. sorry for the rant but I need help. *BTW i do love my wif**e*.


I highly disagree, you may love your wife like a sister but if you have never been faithful, so you don't reallt love her like she deserves. You don't derserve her.

Do her a favor and get divorced, she deserves to know most of her life was a scam and move on.

This Sh** makes me ill.


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## 5Creed

Your behavior throughout your marriage is disgusting. Why did you marry your wife if the OW was so attractive to you in the first place? I feel so sorry for your wife. No wonder she only stays married to you "for the kids." Don't you feel that on some deep level she knows that you have not fully and completely been in this marriage with her and committed only to her? There has always been the OW taking your time, energy and emotional support that you should have been giving to your wife. What a prize the OW sounds like too! Carrying on with a married man all this time. You two deserve each other.

Let your wife go so she can move the h*** on away from you. Wasting all of those good years with you? I hope you are ashamed of yourself and when she finds out, that she can heal from this whole sham of a marriage.

One other thing: You are not a good example of a father. I hope you do not have any daughters that in the future would be treated by their husbands the way you have treated their mother.


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## Dollystanford

you don't love your wife, you're treating her like sh*t


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## Bottled Up

thegodbody said:


> Thanks everybody for the feedback...
> The facts of the matter are.
> 1. My wife has forbid me to talk to this OW yet I still make time to be with her and do get aways and lunch, dinner and sex. I met the OW years ago while I was a manager and from day 1 I wanted her. We have been off and on for years... My wife is not aware of the full nature of my past relationship with the OW she just knows that we were friends and I was "once" attracted to her. A few years ago my wife found her number in my phone and I told her that I had been in contact and maintained a friendship. My wife told me to never contact her again and as far as my wife is concerned I haven't spoken to the OW since. The OW and I have done long periods where nothing happens between us but recently our actions have intensified. We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often. My wife of course is not aware of any of this and she would kill me if she found out. But, I have to admit I've never been faithful and now It just seems I'm not happy being married. But, man I love my kids and the thought of not seeing them and being there for them scares the mess out of me.


Not only are you a coward by staying married under this disgusting cloak of evil, but you're on a runaway freight train heading for the end of the line whether you believe it or not. Think you're not gonna get caught one day??? Oh you will... so your concerns about seeing your kids all the time are pretty much irrelevant because that's where you're headed anyway.



thegodbody said:


> I didn't have a father growing up.


Nice self-diagnosed excuse.



thegodbody said:


> sorry for the rant but I need help.


Go get your penis castrated.



thegodbody said:


> BTW i do love my wife.


ROFLMAO!!!


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## vi_bride04

Hopefully your wife said she is only with you b/c of the kids b/c she has OM on the side.......


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## Entropy3000

thegodbody said:


> Thanks everybody for the feedback...
> The facts of the matter are.
> 1. My wife has forbid me to talk to this OW yet I still make time to be with her and do get aways and lunch, dinner and sex. I met the OW years ago while I was a manager and from day 1 I wanted her. We have been off and on for years... My wife is not aware of the full nature of my past relationship with the OW she just knows that we were friends and I was "once" attracted to her. A few years ago my wife found her number in my phone and I told her that I had been in contact and maintained a friendship. My wife told me to never contact her again and as far as my wife is concerned I haven't spoken to the OW since. The OW and I have done long periods where nothing happens between us but recently our actions have intensified. We've become more brazen. We are planning getaways and meeting in very nice hotels for our encounters, we go to lunch often. My wife of course is not aware of any of this and she would kill me if she found out. *But, I have to admit I've never been faithful *and now It just seems I'm not happy being married. But, man I love my kids and the thought of not seeing them and being there for them scares the mess out of me. I didn't have a father growing up. sorry for the rant but I need help. BTW i do love my wife.


That is messed up. Folks have different value systems for sure. Some value integrity, faithfulness, honesty, truthfulness, honor, loyalty, compassion, and so on. Some view these as being for losers. I think it matters as to whether these are done out of strength or weakness but no matter.

I do read Roissy. I think that view makes me more aware. I get the concepts and choose to use them in the Athol spirit. To a great extent I see it as also knowing the competition. I see many men encouraged to have affairs and mistresses on the side and how it really helps their marriage and so on. Whatever. Character issues aside in a very pragmatic way consider that your lifes choices may have indeed permeated your marriage and you are now dealing with this now. We make choices in life.

I catch a lot of flack on the board for holding APs culpable. I do believe the primary focus is on their own spouse but I choose to hold both partners accountable as that is my choice. Plenty of blame to go around. We do not need to know about your unfaithfulness specifics other than you are admitting to it. Which frankly is uncommon on the board. Folks typically leave out those tidbits ... I suspect.

So accuse me of piling on here but sorry, kudos for admittting it but bad style for doing this to your marriage. You have to live with it.

Some of us have to live as examples of what not to be. Life is shades of gray. So all I can say is to consider acting in a more positive way going forward.

I suspect there is a chance you are having these good folks on here.


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## CantSitStill

I don't know what to think..maybe they are both cheating on eachother..what a healthy marriage..NOT
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI

I'm pretty sure that I love your wife more than you do. Just sayin'

Fess up and let her decide what she wants to do with her farce of a marriage. It's not possible to give so much to another person and still give your spouse the level of attention a healthy marriage requires. It's not at all shocking that she's not in love with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thegodbody

Well Well Well... for all of you that have taken the time to respond to my post I really do accept the feedback and I thank you all.

I wish I could say this has been one big April fools but I can't say that. We all have our cross to bare so I can't past judgement on anu of your comments. But, we have a lot of stone throwers on this site. My kids love me... At the end of the day that is all that matters. I'm going to keep living life... For those of you that posted how sick I've made you I'm laughing. For those of you with an open mind thank you. For those of you on the fence life is what we make it. Thegodbody


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## sandc

Are you a religious man? In any way shape or form?


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## 5Creed

Of course your kids love you-but will they respect how you have treated their mother when they get older and find out? I think not.


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## thegodbody

sandc said:


> Are you a religious man? In any way shape or form?


I believe in a beginning... I believe the universe is governed by universal law. I believe we as humans create our heaven. I don't believe in hell. I believe that I was provided with GOD given tools to be a master of my own universe.:smthumbup:


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## thegodbody

5Creed said:


> Of course your kids love you-but will they respect how you have treated their mother when they get older and find out? I think not.


Who are you to JUDGE???


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## thegodbody

WhereAmI said:


> I'm pretty sure that I love your wife more than you do. Just sayin'
> 
> Fess up and let her decide what she wants to do with her farce of a marriage. It's not possible to give so much to another person and still give your spouse the level of attention a healthy marriage requires. It's not at all shocking that she's not in love with you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fess up?? are you smoking??? a real man never tells on himself.

Rule number 3:lol:


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## thegodbody

vi_bride04 said:


> Hopefully your wife said she is only with you b/c of the kids b/c she has OM on the side.......


Why would you wish another man on me??


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## Entropy3000

Actually we all have a right to judge people or not.
That is how it works in my universe. :smthumbup:

I wish your wife and children luck. I sincerely do.

Consider me banished to oblivion and out of your hair.
Adding one more to the blocked list.


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## LovesHerMan

You got a lot of good advice, and you are complaining about being judged. If you just want people to say good for you, go ahead with your fantasy life with the OW, you will have to find another website.

You have two choices in front of you: fall in love again with your wife, or divorce and be with the other woman. Are you man enough to be faithful to one woman? If not, keep jumping from one relationship to another and bail when the going gets tough.


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## thegodbody

lovesherman said:


> You got a lot of good advice, and you are complaining about being judged. If you just want people to say good for you, go ahead with your fantasy life with the OW, you will have to find another website.
> 
> You have two choices in front of you: fall in love again with your wife, or divorce and be with the other woman. Are you man enough to be faithful to one woman? If not, keep jumping from one relationship to another and bail when the going gets tough.


Please understand I JOINED THIS SITE JUST FOR THE OPEN and honest feedback that I'm getting. Truth of the matter is when I posted in the men's clubhouse I did believe I would get more of a brotherly welcome... So, I thank you all for the eye opener.

The fact of the matter is the OW just turns me on in ways that I NEVER HAVE felt before... Mind, Body and Spirit.

My wife has never even once asked to try anything different in bed. But, I do love her


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## AFEH

Classic narcissist. Nothing to be done.


People will be there for his wife when she finds out. I doubt there'll be anyone there for him. Including his children, he'll lose them all. Again, it's all classic stuff.


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## CantSitStill

Really? You really think that what you are doing is right? Spreading the love and diseases to your wife and hubby of the OW? Your wife told you she's only with you for the kids. Why don't you leave her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH

My brother is a narcissist. Just like the OP is doing here he had pity parties all over the place. Even to the point of crying to his wife about his loss of the OW. It took his wife years to get over it even after a long, convoluted and spiteful divorce. It's been about ten years and he still hasn't built bridges with his now adult children. Mostly they just don't want to know him, even to the point of not letting him see his grandchildren.


I wonder if there’s a forum where narcissists can have pity parties.


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## BearMoose22

In my opinion the definition of your behavior is, SELFISH.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat

OP clearly you are looking for affirmation to do something he knows is wrong (else why would he even post). Just do the right thing and stay with your wife.


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## LovesHerMan

Get off the fence. If the OW is so great, then get divorced and marry her. But you don't want to do that, do you? You are a cake eater. You don't have to face everyday problems with the OW. That is why we say that you are in a fantasy fog with her. No negotiations about finances. No arguments about disciplining the kids. Just exciting secretive sex. 

So make up your mind. Stay and repair your marriage, or go to OW. But stop the whining about how you deserve sympathy for your plight.


----------



## ing

One of the options your wife will consider is suicide to end the pain of betrayal when she finds out. You really have no idea.

It is a fantasy. Total and utter fantasy. But...
You will not hear this. You are too wrapped up in in it. Your wife already knows you are not connected to her. 
No sex for you. That's okay. You get it elsewhere. 

blah. I am wasting electrons.


----------



## Shaggy

thegodbody said:


> Please understand I JOINED THIS SITE JUST FOR THE OPEN and honest feedback that I'm getting. Truth of the matter is when I posted in the men's clubhouse I did believe I would get more of a brotherly welcome... So, I thank you all for the eye opener.
> 
> The fact of the matter is the OW just turns me on in ways that I NEVER HAVE felt before... Mind, Body and Spirit.
> 
> My wife has never even once asked to try anything different in bed. But, I do love her


What you thought that guys on.promarriage forum would slap you on the back and cheer you on? 

Obviously you are as deluded about other men's views on fidelity as you are on your own view of fidelity. 

So you would be ok with your children in marriages with someone like you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bluemoon1

FormerNiceGuy said:


> Likely a fantasy. But, if you cheat (EA or PA) with her or do something else stupid, you will screw that potential relationship up as well. The OW doesn't want to be with a lying, deceitful creep.
> 
> 
> 
> Man up my friend. Sit down with the wife calmly and lay out the facts. Sexless & loveless marriage. We can both do better. The kids will survive. Divorce.
> 
> Now, if you have the guts to do this right, I am still betting that the grass will not be greener on the other side of the hill. The OW will be perfect until you start sleeping with her. You will eventually realize you married another version of your wife after the lust has died and that your dysfunctions cause you to repeat the same behavior patterns over and over again.
> 
> Change shirt, get dirty, wash, repeat cycle.
> 
> My recommendations since you asked for help.
> 
> 1. Conversation with wife. This is broken and we are probably heading for divorce. What about our relationship seems broken - take an inventory on both sides. No fighting, just try to establish the facts of your joint history.
> 
> 2. Get into individual counseling with the inventory and try to understand your part of the problem. Your wife should do the same.
> 
> 3. You and your wife should vow to get to the bottom of your own issues and then make a choice about the marriage. I think healthy people can make a difficult choice like this responsibly.
> 
> "If you like pina colada's, and get caught in the rain"


Very good post, particularly about marrying another version of the current spouse, I have seen it happen so many times, like you say rinse and repeat


----------



## MominMayberry

He doesnt want help he wants to brag. No point really. His name made me laugh so it wasnt a waste.


----------



## thegodbody

MominMayberry said:


> He doesnt want help he wants to brag. No point really. His name made me laugh so it wasnt a waste.


I went on a date with the OW and it was SO good... no sex just talking... BUT, I found out that both her grandmother and mother were in relationships with married men... WOW... Could it be she is damaged goods??? fellas help lol


----------



## sandc

Yep. Checking out of this thread. He's a troll and a braggart. 

Stop trying to give him serious advice, he doesn't want any.


----------



## CantSitStill

What the heck??? What a joke this guy is
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MominMayberry

thegodbody said:


> I went on a date with the OW and it was SO good... no sex just talking... BUT, I found out that both her grandmother and mother were in relationships with married men... WOW... Could it be she is damaged goods??? fellas help lol


Damaged goods because she is cheating but you are some nobel guy? Date? You are married not dating but I think lying. A 16 year kid with grey under wear masturbating to fooling people. Dont you have home work to do or any thing to stay out of jail?


----------



## working_together

"But I do love her"......

Are you serious? you don't love her and do this to her, and the on and on about it, it's like you are gloating.

If you are both together for the sake of the kids, why be miserable? split up, and marry the OW, simple right? Oh, wait, you want your cushy life, no child support, and some free sex on the side.....

enjoy


----------



## thegodbody

MominMayberry said:


> Damaged goods because she is cheating but you are some nobel guy? Date? You are married not dating but I think lying. A 16 year kid with grey under wear masturbating to fooling people. Dont you have home work to do or any thing to stay out of jail?


Is it really cheating??? I don't believe the word "cheat" really defines my pain and sorrow... I'm not bragging... I'm not proud of my life style but I do justify my actions for which I won't apologies. 
I can't believe how judgmental some of you are with your high and mighty post.... Most of you can only wish to have the balls I have to go for it.

SO SAYTH THE GOD.


----------



## Shaggy

Spew. Total spew.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

thegodbody said:


> No, she is not married. She does have a young child around the same age as my 2nd child.


How old is this child? Is there any chance that you are the child's father?


----------



## CantSitStill

Lol are you kidding me? Never seen such an idiot on here like Mr Godbody whatever lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Trenton

Godbody, try Trollbody...
durrr


----------



## talin

If you and wifey have no sexual relationshp and you're only together for "the kids" or because you're afraid to start over alone then go for it with the OW no one is going to care.

But your life won't feel complete.

Don't be a wuss, get your own place and that way you can hang with the OW whenever you want to.


----------



## t_hopper_2012

thegodbody said:


> Ok... I've been married for 8 years...My wife and I dated for 9 years before I popped the question. I've known the OW for over 15 years and she is everything I love in a woman. Is she just my fantasy or do I love her... Three kids with my wife 7,5,2 very little sex. My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids... I feel the same and have told her that. WE still walk around like we love each other but i find myself wanting to be with the OW.
> 
> Help


I'm wondering something. You met this woman after you had been dating your future wife for only two years - six years before you actually got married. Why didn't you (somebody who values *balls* in a man so much) have the balls to break up with your future wife at that point in order to be with this person who is "everything I love in a woman"?


----------



## dubbizle

[My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids.]When your wife tells you that its time to GO.You re just letting your life pass you by so drop the wife and go see if there is somebody that will make you happy for your whole life.
Kids are not stupid they will see that yours is not a happy household,so before things get to the serious fight stage go.


----------



## AFEH

Narcissists are self-centred people in the extreme. He’s more likely staying with his wife because her family has money he’s hoping to inherit whereas his girlfriend’s family is probably poor. At the end of the day money will be his motivation for whatever he does, even the most self-centred and cruel of his behaviours.

His behaviour will get worse the older he gets.


----------



## Po12345

You expected a "brotherly welcome" from us fellow guys on here, after telling us you have basically never been faithful to your wife? Guess what, a lot of us have gone through the pain of having our trust shattered by the one person we loved and trusted above all others, so your expectations are WAY off base. Having gone through the depths of depression and anxiety this past 13 months of my life due to dishonesty by the one I love, I can tell you that your actions are incredibly selfish and stupid.

It doesn't matter if you are male or female, a cheating dog is a cheating dog. If you are seriously here for advice and not just a troll (I have my doubts at this point), you need to get real, start taking responsibilty for your actions, and start showing respect to the people you SUPPOSEDLY love. You aren't just cheating on your wife, you are cheating on your entire family. You get no brotherly welcome from me, you disgust me.


----------



## hldnhope

Your wife= REAL. But you guys do need to address your problems before they get the best of you

OW= FANTASY. No one is 'perfect'. Again, work on your current marriage for at least your kids sake....


----------



## Dollystanford

I don't want him to work on his marriage, I want him to allow his wife go and find a real man...


----------



## CantSitStill

I believe he is on the wong site if he's looking for encouragement to keep up the affairs..it's so crazy and what is with him saying oh no the ow is damaged goods...what the heck is he?? it's sickening!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma

thegodbody said:


> Ok... I've been married for 8 years...My wife and I dated for 9 years before I popped the question. I've known the OW for over 15 years and she is everything I love in a woman. Is she just my fantasy or do I love her... Three kids with my wife 7,5,2 very little sex. My wife has told me she is only with me for the kids... I feel the same and have told her that. WE still walk around like we love each other but i find myself wanting to be with the OW.
> 
> Help


First I think y`all should just stop having kids, right now.

Then sit your wife down and find out what`s up with your marriage.
Tell her what you want/need and ask what she wants/needs.

See if either or both of you have an interest in fixing whats wrong if only for the sake of your kids.

If you can`t work it out, end it and move on.
Don`t have an affair.


----------



## mace85

You sound like my father in law. And having some experience in marrying the child of a marriage ended in long term affairs I can absolutely say there is no way on this earth you love your kids. 

They will always find out about your cheating. They probably already know. And it will damage them and all their future relationships. Trust me. 

This my first post to this forum. And it may get me banned. But I am compelled to say you sir are a piece of ****.


----------



## ahhnold

EPIC FAILURE.!!! THIS IS A FALSE POST !!! most likely by a man hating female
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OhGeesh

You guys are vicious!! You can be a great and I mean great dad and not a awesome husband period!! 

They are seperate!!


----------



## MEM2020

100 percent agree. You can be a great parent and a terrible spouse. 




OhGeesh said:


> You guys are vicious!! You can be a great and I mean great dad and not a awesome husband period!!
> 
> They are seperate!!


----------



## MEM2020

Are you sleeping with both of them? 

I only ask because the chance of disease transmission would make that completely different than being totally hands off with your wife....




thegodbody said:


> I went on a date with the OW and it was SO good... no sex just talking... BUT, I found out that both her grandmother and mother were in relationships with married men... WOW... Could it be she is damaged goods??? fellas help lol


----------



## mace85

OhGeesh said:


> You guys are vicious!! You can be a great and I mean great dad and not a awesome husband period!!
> 
> They are seperate!!


With the selfish attitude he used in his marriage and the way he doesn't seem to care about betraying his wife's trust, why should I believe he treats his kids any differently? Maybe he is a great dad, but my experience says otherwise.


----------



## AFEH

Massive betrayal of their mother and all she stood for is good fathering?

If she ever finds out they’ll probably be traumatised when they experience her going through her nervous breakdown.

And they’ll likely need a few years counselling to come to terms with the fictional, deluded life they’d been leading.


Plus by his own word the guys a proven liar and as such loses all his credibility and integrity so why on earth believe anything he says, most especially about his family and the type of father he is.


You cannot trust a word out of a liars mouth! Unless of course you can independently verify it.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, my wife and I began as an "emotional affair" as I was with someone else at the time

So sometimes it does work, but it depends really
The thing is I can't really say that my wife "stole" me from my ex even though it's cute to accuse her of it hehe (it's a BS joke and she knows it - only cause she has kept all her bases covered)

Looking back though she was always helping, always trying to reconcile me and my ex but my ex went on a kamikaze jealousy streak to the point I never felt so clinged in my life (which led me to develop feelings for my wife - who is 10x stronger)


----------



## AFEH

There's a reason your wife is/was massively insecure, wanting sex everyday. Maybe that's it, that she believes another woman will "steal" you away just like she did? A bit paranoid maybe?


----------



## RandomDude

Too late for my wife, if only she EVER F--KING realises it...

Sometimes I feel like I see her strength more than she even sees her own, besides I will NEVER leave her, NEVER AGAIN, never give up on her, on us, on what we have accomplished over so many years of trails.

I'm loyal to the core and would rather die than to betray her ever again, she's earned it but she doesn't believe it. She knew when to be aggressive, and when to submit, but when will she wake up and realise once again like all those years ago and tell me once again that "I'm just... me"

Paranoia indeed...


----------



## thegodbody

AFEH said:


> Narcissists are self-centred people in the extreme. He’s more likely staying with his wife because her family has money he’s hoping to inherit whereas his girlfriend’s family is probably poor. At the end of the day money will be his motivation for whatever he does, even the most self-centred and cruel of his behaviours.
> 
> His behaviour will get worse the older he gets.


BTW the other woman has her MBA while my wife has two degrees.
Why settle down when you can move up? just for the record LOL


----------



## thegodbody

tacoma said:


> First I think y`all should just stop having kids, right now.
> 
> Then sit your wife down and find out what`s up with your marriage.
> Tell her what you want/need and ask what she wants/needs.
> 
> See if either or both of you have an interest in fixing whats wrong if only for the sake of your kids.
> 
> If you can`t work it out, end it and move on.
> Don`t have an affair.


THANKS FOR THE ADVICE!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## tacoma

thegodbody said:


> BTW the other woman has her MBA while my wife has two degrees.
> Why settle down when you can move up? just for the record LOL


You must be a troll as no human has ever legitimately been as big an ******* as you are.


----------



## thegodbody

mace85 said:


> With the selfish attitude he used in his marriage and the way he doesn't seem to care about betraying his wife's trust, why should I believe he treats his kids any differently? Maybe he is a great dad, but my experience says otherwise.



i REALLY DO HAVE SOME OF THE HAPPIEST KIDS YOU COULD EVER MEET. THAT IS SO TRUE. I CAN'T HELP IT IF MOST OF 'YOU' PEOPLE HAVE GONE THRU THE MISERY OF BEING STEPPED ON AND LEFT IN THE DUSK. All I'm getting is loser talk!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Why are you yelling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## thegodbody

AFEH said:


> There's a reason your wife is/was massively insecure, wanting sex everyday. Maybe that's it, that she believes another woman will "steal" you away just like she did? A bit paranoid maybe?


My wife is very insecure and it has nothing to do with anything I've done. she just always needs to be right. But, I love her.


----------



## Jellybeans

I believe Afeh was talking about RD's wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CantSitStill

Dude there will be a time your wife will figure you out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AFEH

thegodbody said:


> i REALLY DO HAVE SOME OF THE HAPPIEST KIDS YOU COULD EVER MEET. THAT IS SO TRUE. I CAN'T HELP IT IF MOST OF 'YOU' PEOPLE HAVE GONE THRU THE MISERY OF BEING STEPPED ON AND LEFT IN THE DUSK. All I'm getting is loser talk!!!


You’ve massively betrayed your wife and your children for a very long time in the most heinous of ways.

When they discover your betrayal the immediate emotional effect on them will be massive distress, they may even be severely traumatised and experience nervous breakdowns. Through their distress they will know for certain that you have caused them immense amounts of pain and that pain will generate huge amounts of anger inside of them for you.

And when they’ve finally come to terms with their distress, pain and anger they will feel repulsed by the person who caused it. And that’s you, their husband and father.

And then they’ll seek some form of justice and punishment of you, the person who is the cause of their trauma, pain, anger and repulsion. The way they punish you could well last to the end of your lifetime.


It will take them years to process your betrayal.


----------



## AFEH

thegodbody said:


> BTW the other woman has her MBA while my wife has two degrees.
> Why settle down when you can move up? just for the record LOL


Spoken like the true narcissist you are. Those words are the expression of a person with NPD.


You must consider yourself such an academic failure. But no. As a narcissist it will be the systems fault, not yours.


----------



## Posse

thegodbody said:


> i REALLY DO HAVE SOME OF THE HAPPIEST KIDS YOU COULD EVER MEET. THAT IS SO TRUE. I CAN'T HELP IT IF MOST OF 'YOU' PEOPLE HAVE GONE THRU THE MISERY OF BEING STEPPED ON AND LEFT IN THE DUSK. All I'm getting is loser talk!!!


It will be interesting to see what your kids think about your fathering when they find out how you betrayed your family. And they will.

And loser talk? OK, those of us with integrity and honor are all losers. Showing no character makes you the winner. There. Does that feed your personality disordered ego sufficiently now? LOL


----------



## Gaia

thegodbody said:


> BTW the other woman has her MBA while my wife has two degrees.
> Why settle down when you can move up? just for the record LOL


Clearly you don't see these women as human beings.... just objects... i feel sorry for the both of them.


----------



## tacoma

> Originally Posted by thegodbody
> i REALLY DO HAVE SOME OF THE HAPPIEST KIDS YOU COULD EVER MEET. THAT IS SO TRUE. I CAN'T HELP IT IF MOST OF 'YOU' PEOPLE HAVE GONE THRU THE MISERY OF BEING STEPPED ON AND LEFT IN THE DUSK. All I'm getting is loser talk!!!


Nope, I haven`t been "stepped on or left in the dust" and I think you`re a narcissistic ass.

Actually I really think you`re just a troll because I find it hard to believe such an extreme narcissistic ass could exist.


----------



## Peachy Cat

Is there a "Please don't feed the troll" sign anywhere in the Smilies?


----------



## ing

The sad thing is that this guy is probably not a troll. Now I am well down the track of recovering from a narcissistic relationship this looks painfully familiar.

His wife knows about the affair in her heart. She knows that he is disconnected but she is hoping beyond hope that that funny, charming man she fell in love with will return. Of course he won't. He will feed her just enough emotional breadcrumbs to keep her on the hook. He will convince all around him that he is a great Dad and friend to his wife. I feel sorry for the OW in this case. He is brilliant at holding people with his charm and wit in normal situations. She is being abused just as much as his wife and is in for a terrible and crushing blow to her sense of self. 

The end to this? 
His wife will at some point flick out of denial I really hope somebody tells her. She will find out though and she will leave him. I hope she doesn't choose an affair as a way out. Sadly I suspect she will and suffer for that too. 

This man is only half as clever as he thinks he is. Maybe not even that. 

Whichever way she chooses to go she is in for an incredibly painful period of turmoil and torment followed by another set of emotions about the waste of her life. 

The OW will see him for what he is, but perhaps too late to save herself and family.

This man may get away with it. So many do, and then just move on to the next trusting soul who falls for his big smile and charm. You can't fool all of the people all of the time though and this will catch up with him. 

The "I love my wife" is particularly telling. In his mind he does. He can genuinely not see that his actions are the very antithesis of love. He can not see that his children will never forgive him for this as they turn to adults and they see the world through those adult eyes. He can't see because he has no empathy. I am sure he is very sympathetic to peoples problems, but that is not the same thing is it. 

This is so sad because he sees people who live by the golden Rule as sad losers. Throughout human history and across religions and philosophies this is the only common thread to a good life for yourself.

A life where you can live with yourself and others. If you break it and keep breaking it you go to hell. That is hell on earth. Your own very private and torturous hell. Society will not tolerate it. It simple can't afford to 

I pity this man.


----------



## Valley

I hope your wife finds out about your cheating ways, divorces your ass and takes you for all you have. 

And from a child of a parent who cheated...I still get angry when I think of what my dad put my mom thru all those years he cheated on her. I hope your children are disgusted with you when they find out about your nasty cheating ways.


----------



## MOMMY2ONE

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CantSitStill

Ok wow didn't think of that..maybe his poor wife knows but "doesn't wanna know" so sad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FormerNiceGuy

I swear I saw a "*Don't Feed the Trolls*" sign laying around here somewhere......


----------



## Bottled Up

FormerNiceGuy said:


> I swear I saw a "*Don't Feed the Trolls*" sign laying around here somewhere......


Agreed. The guy's user name says it all really...


----------



## AFEH

FormerNiceGuy said:


> I swear I saw a "*Don't Feed the Trolls*" sign laying around here somewhere......


He’s perfectly normal for a Narcissist.


----------



## sinnister

*singing*

Trollin'....on a Friday afternoon.
Ahhh ahhh ahhhhhh


----------



## Jellybeans

It hasn't been back since May 1st


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Well, this is familiar.

ILYBINILWY anymore, so I found someone else... which is what made me realize I wasn't "in love" anymore.

Funny how every cheater is labeled a narcissist.


----------



## AFEH

Cheaters are exceptionally self-centred, not giving much of a damn about who gets hurt as long as they get what they want.

Narcissists are the ultimate in self-centred people.

Of course there’s a correlation between narcissists and cheaters in their self-centred ways.

You wont se a narcissist with either guilt or remorse or to ever apologise and ask for forgiveness, whereas you do see some cheaters with both guilt and remorse. So of course not all cheaters are narcissists.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

I don't think this is always the case... or even usually the case. Sometimes people simply feel neglected in their marriages and cheating is a passive aggressive response... or they stop caring because they perceive the other person doesn't really care for them or isn't meeting their needs. Everyone is selfish to some extent - we all have needs that must be met to be in a happy relationship.

I think the majority of cheating boils down to simple dissatisfaction with the marriage and lack of productive communication. Its easier to not care about someone getting hurt when you feel they've abandoned, neglected or otherwise hurt you.

Me, I have a lot of narcissistic qualities - I need to be the center of someone's world among other things, I lose a sense of empathy sometimes when I feel wronged but it usually returns. However I don't consider myself superior or any of that other narcissistic stuff and I'm generally very generous (unselfish) and permitting of things I don't want or like. I've worked hard in the past to make my wife feel there was nothing more important than her, and I've given up many things along the way. The one thing I can't deal with is being #2, 3 or 4 on someone's list of priorities, when I had then as my top priority. Bitterness sets in and all bets are off.

Most of the people I know who've cheated... not so narcissistic. Depressed and feeling abandoned by a spouse who is "present but not there" is more like it.


----------



## CantSitStill

I only come to this thread when I'm bored and looking to be amused by the idiot ...God help me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FirstYearDown

I can certainly vouch for the damage an affair does to children, especially when it is a daughter seeing her father cheat.

My father is one of my best friends. However, his infidelity and lies led to me having severe difficulities trusting men. I have attended therapy for this issue, but this is a stain that won't wash away. The irrational and defensive part of my mind still believes the "all men are pigs" rhetoric which was fed to me since age 12. I can't even trust my husband. 

Of course, the bad experiences that I had with men when I was dating didn't help either. My low self esteem attracted men who were controlling and emotionally abusive. I'm just saying that all the suspicion started with my father's cheating.


----------



## tacoma

FirstYearDown said:


> My father is one of my best friends. However, his infidelity and lies led to me having severe difficulities trusting men. I have attended therapy for this issue, but this is a stain that won't wash away. The irrational and defensive part of my mind still believes the "all men are pigs" rhetoric which was fed to me since age 12. I can't even trust my husband.


Sounds more like the fault of the person feeding you the "All men are pigs" dogma than your father.


----------



## Gaia

tacoma said:


> "All men are pigs"


Heard this throughout my life, father was a cheater too, and... frankly got sick of the generalizations I've heard from both sides so i started thinking along these lines...


"Men and women may have different body parts, different levels of hormones, ect ect ect but we all have a brain that rules over all of these so there is no men do this or women do this... it's all people CHOOSE to do this or that..."


Yeah I probably don't make sense since i rambled lol.


----------



## FirstYearDown

tacoma said:


> Sounds more like the fault of the person feeding you the "All men are pigs" dogma than your father.


My mom was understandably bitter and hurt when my father cheated. She repeated "all men are pigs/evil/liars" many times. I agree that she shouldn't have said such things to an impressionable child, but it was my father's infidelity which sparked such an angry outlook. His actions led to the bitterness, so I blame my dad. 

All of the men in my extended and immediate family were proud cheaters. Can you understand how that can lead me to think that all men will sleep around? I was terrified of marriage when I was younger because I didn't want to end up like my mom and my aunts-tirelessly doing all the housework for men who were not faithful. 

Like I said, it is one thing to hear that men are pigs and quite another to experience terrible treatment. I am certainly damaged by the predatory actions of some men I have been with. These monsters took advantage of my naivete and low self esteem. I was abused emotionally and sexually by these people. When I see wives in long distance marriages or with husbands who are often away, I can't help but think that the women are incredibly naive to trust that the husbands aren't cheating. I am just too cynical for that kind of faith.


----------



## CantSitStill

Don't get me wrong but how in the world do you trust most men out there..so many jerks..so glad myu daughter found a good bf. It's a real worry! Sorry guys, not all of u are jerks but if I was ever to divorce (hope that never happens) but if I did I would keep my wedding ring on. After I was lied to and deceived by another man and all my ex bfs from high school, not many good ones oout there. My husband is the best tho 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gaia

I get that some of you don't trust a certain gender.. but like i said.. to me.. those jerkish, predatory, scumbag behaviors are made by both genders because they CHOOSE to do so. Therefore I have a hard time trusting people in general.


----------



## FirstYearDown

I certainly agree that women can be just as cruel. It's just that I do not have romantic relationships with women, so I have no experience with females in that context.


----------



## tacoma

FirstYearDown said:


> I am just too cynical for that kind of faith.


As am I.

I can see how an environment like that can mess your head up.


----------



## tacoma

FirstYearDown said:


> I certainly agree that women can be just as cruel. It's just that I do not have romantic relationships with women, so I have no experience with females in that context.


I`ve had more than my fair share of relationships and I`ve been no saint but up to this point my wife is the only woman who has been faithful to me...at least that I know of.

So I catch myself thinking the same thing at times about women.

I`m just glad I catch myself doing it though.

It is hard not to think that way when it`s been your experience.


----------



## FirstYearDown

Thanks for understanding, Tacoma.


----------



## aug

But, I love her.


----------



## KissKiss

I was the OW with a man who was in a very unhappy marriage and was only staying with his wife for his daughter. We had amazing sex and connected on every level amazingly well. We both made each other happy. I think you just have to do what makes you happy to be honest. As a child, growing up my parents only stayed together for me and my sisters and it was awful because they weren't happy and split up 3 years ago and are happy as they get to be themselves and with who they want. It's a tricky situation. But do what makes you happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sirdano

I am not here to judge you just my opinion

I think all the effort you are using for the OW should be used to your WIFE. This is why your marriage is crappy first sign something not going well lets not fix what broken lets buy something new.

You say you love your wife but how is having a PA and EA loving your wife??

I beleive there are all levels of love. I love pizza and I love my wife but the two are not equal. I my world God is 1 and wife is second everything else is bellow that.

Really what level is your wife really on. I hope it not the same as pizza


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## AFEH

KissKiss said:


> I was the OW with a man who was in a very unhappy marriage and was only staying with his wife for his daughter. We had amazing sex and connected on every level amazingly well. We both made each other happy. I think you just have to do what makes you happy to be honest. As a child, growing up my parents only stayed together for me and my sisters and it was awful because they weren't happy and split up 3 years ago and are happy as they get to be themselves and with who they want. It's a tricky situation. But do what makes you happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bet he told you his wife didn't understand him.


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## DanglingDaisy

I also dealt with a cheating Narc father. Difference is, my mother made it a mission to NEVER talk bad about him(bless her soul considering what shiit he put her through all those years).

Cheating partners are selfish-and no matter how great you are to your kids-beware-your kids aren't stupid..whether mom or dad tells them what's gone/going on or not...they'll put two and two together eventually 

My parents divorced when I was 5. My brother who was 4yrs older than me saw the way my dad was(selfish guy who cared more about alcohol and sleeping around than his own family). I remember(sick!) being about 2 or 3 yrs old and my dad visiting a neighbor's wife(and shooing me to go watch t.v). I told my mom about that memory later in my early twenties-apparantly that was one of the wives he was banging at the time  My dad apparantly was sleeping around the neighborhood and decided to leave my mom and his two kids after a 7yr marriage for a skanky teenage babysitter(in the early 80's). 

I always resented my dad because once he divorced my mom he wanted nothing to do with us kids any more(he insisted she take all his bad debts or she'd never get custody of us kids-a real winner!). I didn't see or hear from my sperm donor father again until *I* tracked him down when I was 23 He kept insisting- "Call me dad not Steven":rofl: The conversation I had with him was hilarious and almost unbelievable. I confronted him on memories I had-he thought mom had been talking bad about him-and it was like talking to an immature lying teenager! At the end he just confirmed his reputation. He SEEMED like a great dad when my parents were together-but abandoning us after the divorce not only hurt, it reinforced why I was so hesitant to get married or trust men in general.


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## Shaggy

KissKiss said:


> I was the OW with a man who was in a very unhappy marriage and was only staying with his wife for his daughter. We had amazing sex and connected on every level amazingly well. We both made each other happy. I think you just have to do what makes you happy to be honest. As a child, growing up my parents only stayed together for me and my sisters and it was awful because they weren't happy and split up 3 years ago and are happy as they get to be themselves and with who they want. It's a tricky situation. But do what makes you happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How sweet and nice. He must bea very good and honorable man to do that for his daughter. I bet he would be so proud if she grew up to marry a guy just like him, or a OW just like you. You both are such great people..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DvlsAdvc8

People stay in relationships for the kids all the time. For all you know the wife was running around too.

When I was a teenager I dated a girl whose parents slept in two separate rooms.


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## sirdano

DanglingDaisy said:


> I also dealt with a cheating Narc father. Difference is, my mother made it a mission to NEVER talk bad about him(bless her soul considering what shiit he put her through all those years).
> 
> Cheating partners are selfish-and no matter how great you are to your kids-beware-your kids aren't stupid..whether mom or dad tells them what's gone/going on or not...they'll put two and two together eventually
> 
> My parents divorced when I was 5. My brother who was 4yrs older than me saw the way my dad was(selfish guy who cared more about alcohol and sleeping around than his own family). I remember(sick!) being about 2 or 3 yrs old and my dad visiting a neighbor's wife(and shooing me to go watch t.v). I told my mom about that memory later in my early twenties-apparantly that was one of the wives he was banging at the time  My dad apparantly was sleeping around the neighborhood and decided to leave my mom and his two kids after a 7yr marriage for a skanky teenage babysitter(in the early 80's).
> 
> I always resented my dad because once he divorced my mom he wanted nothing to do with us kids any more(he insisted she take all his bad debts or she'd never get custody of us kids-a real winner!). I didn't see or hear from my sperm donor father again until *I* tracked him down when I was 23 He kept insisting- "Call me dad not Steven":rofl: The conversation I had with him was hilarious and almost unbelievable. I confronted him on memories I had-he thought mom had been talking bad about him-and it was like talking to an immature lying teenager! At the end he just confirmed his reputation. He SEEMED like a great dad when my parents were together-but abandoning us after the divorce not only hurt, it reinforced why I was so hesitant to get married or trust men in general.


Wow that just said and I feel very sorry for you that your dad was not the father figure he was supposed to be.


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