# Having issues with jealousy



## wallsaroundme (Dec 14, 2016)

My husband spends a lot of his time on his phone on facebook. He friends attractive females and will message them. From what he says - he just thanks them for connecting with him and that he hopes they have a wonderful day.
If any of them posts they are having a bad day, he pm's them that he thinks they are amazing and that he's there for them if they want to talk.
He has one person specifically he messages often. He smiles and laughs and openly jokes with her in-front of me. I feel it's flirting but because she is in another state he says nothing can happen.
If we have a fight he brings her up of how perfect and hot she is and how I'm not.
I feel he talks about her a lot to other people. He brings her up in conversations.
We do have a business together and he says he connects to all of these people to help grow our business.
Am I just being jealous and not giving him the benefit of the doubt?
Thank you!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What your husband is doing is wrong. It does not matter if she lives in another state. People travel to meet their chat/txt flirts all the time. Plus, an online affair can be as devastating as an in-live affair.

If his relationship with that woman bothers you, he needs to end it.

How many customers does he actually get from all these people he chats with?

What percentage of the people he chats with are women?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

he is flirting VERY inappropriately...boundaries or lack there of. his actions are demostrating disrespect for you...ask him if what he is writing these women would be appropriate if you were doing the same to men? ask him how he woudl feel if he saw you spending your time reaching out to good looking men?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell him that he can believe it's harmless all he wants, but it is a transgression to YOU and therefore, if he's not willing to stop doing it, you'll start looking for other living arrangements for him. 

It will only get worse.


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## redpoppies34 (Dec 14, 2016)

I think its wrong. You don't deserve that. You are right to feel jealousy. I totally would. He should not be offering to talk to them. He should never say they are hot or compare to you.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Oh HELL NO. Not acceptable in the least! You need to set a boundary... if he continues messaging other women, you remove yourself from his life. End of story.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

What your H is doing is 100% wrong. He can try to legitimize it as much as he wants. You should ask him if he would have any problems if you went out on social media and flirted with other men.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

wallsaroundme said:


> My husband spends a lot of his time on his phone on facebook. He friends attractive females and will message them. From what he says - he just thanks them for connecting with him and that he hopes they have a wonderful day.
> If any of them posts they are having a bad day, he pm's them that he thinks they are amazing and that he's there for them if they want to talk.
> He has one person specifically he messages often. He smiles and laughs and openly jokes with her in-front of me. I feel it's flirting but because she is in another state he says nothing can happen.
> If we have a fight he brings her up of how perfect and hot she is and how I'm not.
> ...


 @wallsaroundme Your husband thinks she is hotter than you?

Then tell him to take his caddish behaviour with him to live at her place!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Agreed with all the other comments thus far. If it is a behavior that makes you uncomfortable, if he is committed to your marriage and making you feel secure, he needs to stop this behavior immediately. He needs to understand that his behavior is a threat to your relationship, that he is creating an environment in which an affair [his] will become a real possibility. And, in fact, it sounds like he may already be contemplating it, if he's comparing this other woman to you.

His claim that he's trying to build business is bullsh!t, especially if he's ONLY friending beautiful women. There are other ways to increase your customer base.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

wallsaroundme said:


> My husband spends a lot of his time on his phone on facebook. He friends attractive females and will message them. From what he says - he just thanks them for connecting with him and that he hopes they have a wonderful day.
> If any of them posts they are having a bad day, he pm's them that he thinks they are amazing and that he's there for them if they want to talk.
> *He has one person specifically he messages often. He smiles and laughs and openly jokes with her in-front of me. I feel it's flirting but because she is in another state he says nothing can happen.
> If we have a fight he brings her up of how perfect and hot she is and how I'm not.
> ...


What the what, now!?!? So, your husband is chatting up a host of other women. He's chatting up one other woman specifically, and is bringing her up in conversations with other people like some teen with a new crush? And when he's angry with you he lets you know how much better she is than you? 

And you're unsure if this is really a problem or if it's just you? :slap:

Yes, this is a problem. No, it's not okay for a married man to behave this way with anyone other than his wife.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

You're not being jealous. Your husband is being a douche.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No, you are NOT having issues with jealousy. The issue is with your HUSBAND. He's being a d1ck. There are NO circumstances under which a happily married man gets to be 'friends' with and exchange ANY private messages with other women for ANY reason.

Either he stops acting like a single horny jerk or you divorce him. It really IS that simple.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your H is an arse. Time for a new H especially when he states some other female is hotter than you. Why are you still with your H?


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

wallsaroundme said:


> My husband spends a lot of his time on his phone on facebook. He friends attractive females and will message them. From what he says - he just thanks them for connecting with him and that he hopes they have a wonderful day.
> If any of them posts they are having a bad day, he pm's them that he thinks they are amazing and that he's there for them if they want to talk.
> He has one person specifically he messages often. He smiles and laughs and openly jokes with her in-front of me. I feel it's flirting but because she is in another state he says nothing can happen.
> If we have a fight he brings her up of how perfect and hot she is and how I'm not. This is known as "hitting below the belt" which is absolutely forbidden in healthy relationship skills (google it), so it would be worth the time of BOTH of you to learn how to have a "fair fight" in which nasty, personal slams are NOT ALLOWED and the focus is kept on finding mutually satisfactory SOLUTIONS rather than the conventional "winner takes all" method that most folks use on each other. This all has to start with genuine FRIENDSHIP and GOODWILL!
> ...


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

OP I agree with all of above advice. 

Just wondering how long you've been married and hope you don't have kids with this man.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Walls,

You wrote, *If any of them posts they are having a bad day, he pm's them that he thinks they are amazing and that he's there for them if they want to talk.*

Tell him to knock it off and quit trying to take advantage of another womans emotional vulnerability, his behavior is revolting, he might also get knocked out by these womens boyfriend or husband.

Your H is well on his way to having an affair, and is likely already in an emotional affair with at least one of these women. H

Your H is not building a business, he is actively destroying it, when word gets out he is having an affair it will blacken the reputation of your firm. 

Tamat


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

wallsaroundme said:


> I feel it's flirting but because she is in another state he says nothing can happen.


It's hard for me to believe that a person would be so accepting of such obvious and blatent abuse by their partner. 

That much being said, if you are in fact looking for help...

Show him a picture of one of these.


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

Pretty crappy thing of him to do. He is not showing you or your relationship the respect it deserves. Start setting some firm boundaries and consequences with him. I have a feeling if the shoe were on the other foot, he wouldn't like you doing it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Op I honestly feel sorry for you, I'm afraid you are in for a marriage full of heartache. Your husband lacks respect for you, and honestly he is conditioning you for worse behavior, maybe not intentionally but things will get worse. If he hasn't already been meeting these women he soon will, "just because they're having a bad day" and since he's their "friend" he needs to go cheer her up. He is a player, and seems to like to flaunt it in front of you and to his friends.

Put a stop to it now.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Sounds like you are married to a narcissist.

Run.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## wallsaroundme (Dec 14, 2016)

Thank you so much for your responses!
I couldn't get my account verified so I couldn't respond and just got it all figured out!

It has gotten worse. And just figuring out what to do.

But thank you all for letting me talk about it!


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