# mom of 2



## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

I am separated and have two adult kids and I love to travel. My husband of 23 years married and 28 years together. He told me when he moved up in his company that he is not in love with me but loves me and cares. I just found out he is cheating with a girl who works under him, and she is married also. Her husband works for the same company. He keeps denying it and I called her husband. My husband said I am crazy to believe, he is seeing her. He and our daughter went to mall and anciently met up with her and her daughter. My daughter said after they left, he asked our 25 yeas old daughter, what do you think of her and I being together. He started taking care of himself and he told me he is seeing lots of women. On my birthday, I heard him answer his phone hey baby give me a sec. then he left the room, I timed stamped it and checked who called at the time. It was her and I thought she was my friend. In his car it says hot momma and her name. He erased it thinking our daughter didn't see it, but she did. Our daughter said he had I love you, written on his hand. I called her husband to let him know, but if he believes her that's on him. He told me he is seeing a lot of women. I looked on thanksgiving phone bill and she called three times. He keeps lying about it When he started, he said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he loves also cares for me. He is also cold to me saying I am lucky he is being nice giving me money. People keep saying he is in a fog and when he gets out, he will fall hard. I don't think he is, and he did not want to work on our marriage at all. My Christian side is to wait see what happens. My human side says just get a divorce. This started in oct of 2022. and I thought we were fine, before he stepped up, he acted happy with me. He was sad I started a new job and did not text him so much.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> I am separated and have two adult kids and I love to travel. My husband of 23 years married and 28 years together. He told me when he moved up in his company that he is not in love with me but loves me and cares. I just found out he is cheating with a girl who works under him, and she is married also. Her husband works for the same company. He keeps denying it and I called her husband. My husband said I am crazy to believe, he is seeing her. He and our daughter went to mall and anciently met up with her and her daughter. My daughter said after they left, he asked our 25 yeas old daughter, what do you think of her and I being together.


Welcome to TAM, I'm sorry it is infidelity that brings you here 

You say you are separated, are you in the same house?

Have you seen a lawyer about divorce?

What did her husband say?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> My Christian side is to wait see what happens.


That's not a 'Christian side'.

You should pray for him but if he is committing adultery then you should divorce. Living in a situation that is hurtful and demeaning to you is not healthy, nor is it what Christ wants for us.

Forgive him, pray for him, divorce him. Get a better fulfilling life for yourself and demonstrate to your daughter how to have respect for herself and not let a man mistreat her.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

He’s give. It’s over. File for divorce.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM, I'm sorry it is infidelity that brings you here
> 
> You say you are separated, are you in the same house? yes, he told me i can stay in house and sleep in son s room be roommates. so I left
> 
> ...


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

I am getting canceling though church


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

You shouldn’t stay in this situation with your husband running around with his future wife. Let him go and work on healing yourself. Go see a lawyer and file for divorce.

Counseling through church normally will encourage yu to stay the course and not divorce. That might be fine if there was any reason to think your husband would end his affair and return to you changed and repenting. But he is not. You should end this.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You shouldn’t stay in this situation with your husband running around with his future wife. Let him go and work on healing yourself. Go see a lawyer and file for divorce.
> 
> Counseling through church normally will encourage yu to stay the course and not divorce. That might be fine if there was any reason to think your husband would end his affair and return to you changed and repenting. But he is not. You should end this.


yes, you are right, and she is married with a teenager and a 6-year-old. her husband works for same company. My husband lives with his parents.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> yes, you are right, and she is married with a teenager and a 6-year-old. her husband works for same company. My husband lives with his parents.


Talk to a lawyer and make sure you understand what the process would look like and what you need to do. You started a new job, can you be ok on that income?


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Talk to a lawyer and make sure you understand what the process would look like and what you need to do. You started a new job, can you be ok on that income?


he gives me money in my account every paycheck and I am looking for a job. He says he is trying to be nice about it by giving me money.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

fundipsize101 said:


> he gives me money in my account every paycheck and I am looking for a job. He says he is trying to be nice about it by giving me money.


why do people believe that he is in a fog and when he comes out, he will fall hard. I do not believe that. I do not think he will fall


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> why do people believe that he is in a fog and when he comes out, he will fall hard. I do not believe that. I do not think he will fall


“The fog” is pretty common for people in an affair. It’s when the wayward partner is living in a fantasy world with the other man or woman. It’s a made up world where neither one has responsibilities and they have sex all day and they just float along on this cloud of euphoria all the time.

Once they realize life doesn’t stop and they still have to wash dirty dishes and the other person leaves the toothpaste cap off, the fog often clears. When that happens, either the relationship will crash hard, or they will make it work.

I wouldn’t count on the fog clearing and him falling. That may not happen for a very long time. And really, if he can do this to you then do you really want to take him back so he could do it again? That “fog” euphoria is very addicting. That’s why they say “once a cheater, always a cheater”.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

He won't fall. He's one of those guys that wants to collect women. He's hoping giving you that money will just kind of keep you on the string. This thing is going to be a big blow up and hurt a lot of people.. if it were me I would get out early by talking to a family law attorney and following that advice.


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## lmucamac (4 mo ago)

if you’re going to get counselin, please see a real licensed counselor, not a religious one. From what you say, the marriage is over. It’s time to get a divorce and move on with your life. 

Even if this affair ends, do you really want this man back in your house? You deserve better.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

fundipsize101 said:


> I am getting canceling though church


Is it actually a Christian church? Doesn't sound like it. Bad husband, bad church.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

fundipsize101 said:


> yes, you are right, and she is married with a teenager and a 6-year-old. her husband works for same company. My husband lives with his parents.


If this woman works FOR your husband (like he is a manager and she is one of his staff), you can go to HR there to see if they have a non-fraternization policy for stuff like this, and report him.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

What did her husband have to say ?


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

fundipsize101 said:


> I am separated and have two adult kids and I love to travel. My husband of 23 years married and 28 years together. He told me when he moved up in his company that he is not in love with me but loves me and cares. I just found out he is cheating with a girl who works under him, and she is married also. Her husband works for the same company. He keeps denying it and I called her husband. My husband said I am crazy to believe, he is seeing her. He and our daughter went to mall and anciently met up with her and her daughter. My daughter said after they left, he asked our 25 yeas old daughter, what do you think of her and I being together. He started taking care of himself and he told me he is seeing lots of women. On my birthday, I heard him answer his phone hey baby give me a sec. then he left the room, I timed stamped it and checked who called at the time. It was her and I thought she was my friend. In his car it says hot momma and her name. He erased it thinking our daughter didn't see it, but she did. Our daughter said he had I love you, written on his hand. I called her husband to let him know, but if he believes her that's on him. He told me he is seeing a lot of women. I looked on thanksgiving phone bill and she called three times. He keeps lying about it When he started, he said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he loves also cares for me. He is also cold to me saying I am lucky he is being nice giving me money. People keep saying he is in a fog and when he gets out, he will fall hard. I don't think he is, and he did not want to work on our marriage at all. My Christian side is to wait see what happens. My human side says just get a divorce. This started in oct of 2022. and I thought we were fine, before he stepped up, he acted happy with me. He was sad I started a new job and did not text him so much.


Divorce.

He's basically probably been cheating the entire marriage or close to it.

Wait and see what?
It's never going to change.
He's never going to change.

Also, he has no shame.

You'll never trust him.

Don't ever contact her husband again.

He already knows and is accepting of it..
He knows who he married.



Like you are.
Like you do.



Divorce and perhaps be happy and less miserable... someday.


If you stay, you continue to be miserable and unhappy.


Stop being a doormat.

Work towards loving and respecting yourself.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

jlg07 said:


> If this woman works FOR your husband (like he is a manager and she is one of his staff), you can go to HR there to see if they have a non-fraternization policy for stuff like this, and report him.


My husband is a Dm and she works under him. Her husband works for the same company


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

fundipsize101 said:


> My husband is a Dm and she works under him. Her husband works for the same company


I called her husband and someone called Hr. I think they lied there way out of it. He is not fired and this was dec 31


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

fundipsize101 said:


> I called her husband and someone called Hr. I think they lied there way out of it. He is not fired and this was dec 31


You think?

The fuse is lit.
Eyes have been opened.
Proof is being sought.

Your husband and his hottie at work have been tarred.
He and her are being watched.
Bet on it.

Her husband is the odd man out, and dangerous to the affair.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

It looks like her husband is at least taking action. You now need to take action. Lawyer up, like yesterday!


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

jlg07 said:


> If this woman works FOR your husband (like he is a manager and she is one of his staff), you can go to HR there to see if they have a non-fraternization policy for stuff like this, and report him.


Not so fast, Do not report him yet as it is likely he will lose his job. Depending on his company both of them could get fired. 

Use this a leverage in the divorce to get what you deserve. Then after all the paper and money is settled you can decide to report him at work. 

Any reasonably sized American business has rules against relationships with direct reports.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> It looks like her husband is at least taking action. You now need to take action. Lawyer up, like yesterday!


I hope he is. I have a appointment for a divorce laywer.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Is it actually a Christian church? Doesn't sound like it. Bad husband, bad church.


It is and my husband walked away from the church. He won't talk to anyone from the church. He used to work for the church but gave them back there key.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

Jimi007 said:


> What did her husband have to say ?


It was wired talking to him. Like all he did really say anything just listened. I know he called her after me, because she called me living saying there not seeing each other. The proof is there in calls and my daughter


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> It was wired talking to him. Like all he did really say anything just listened. I know he called her after me, because she called me living saying there not seeing each other. The proof is there in calls and my daughter


Good, now you're done with that. Put it behind you and let them figure out their own stuff. At least now he knows. Whether he accepts it or not is on him.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Good, now you're done with that. Put it behind you and let them figure out their own stuff. At least now he knows. Whether he accepts it or not is on him.


That is true


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

fundipsize101 said:


> It is and my husband walked away from the church. He won't talk to anyone from the church. He used to work for the church but gave them back there key.


Cheaters always do that because they know how serious adultery is.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

Diana7 said:


> Cheaters always do that because they know how serious adultery is.


True


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> I hope he is. I have a appointment for a divorce laywer.


When is your appointment?
Does he know you're going?

What does your church say about that?

The church really has the best intentions in mind but it's really only when _both_ people are willing to walk down that road. Until your ex crashes and burns (which may never happen) the path of 'waiting to see' is a terrible one and will only bring you prolonged pain.

I'm glad you're standing up for yourself and ending this limbo.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

@fundipsize101 - You’re still trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense. Check out Dr Minwalla’s work on the Secret Sexual Basement. It will help to justify that your feelings are real, and what sort of damage, trauma really, has been done to you. https://minwallamodel.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/The_Secret_Sexual_Basement_Nov_2021.pdf


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> When is your appointment?
> Does he know you're going?
> 
> What does your church say about that?
> ...


The week after and I asked my husband to work on this when it started he told me no.it still hurts but I know it's best to let it go. This isn't the first time he cheated on me in high school and left me for a 17 y when he was 29. He got in a bad wreck and had a 17 and 16 in car. I worked on it then. I don't know why I am holding on. He never change and he never loved me.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

Casual Observer said:


> @fundipsize101 - You’re still trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense. Check out Dr Minwalla’s work on the Secret Sexual Basement. It will help to justify that your feelings are real, and what sort of damage, trauma really, has been done to you. https://minwallamodel.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/The_Secret_Sexual_Basement_Nov_2021.pdf


Thank you


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> The week after and I asked my husband to work on this when it started he told me no.it still hurts but I know it's best to let it go. This isn't the first time he cheated on me in high school and left me for a 17 y when he was 29. He got in a bad wreck and had a 17 and 16 in car. I worked on it then. I don't know why I am holding on. He never change and he never loved me.


That's terrible. Yea, you shoulda dumped him way back then. But we were all young and didn't know any better, I did the same as you once.

But now here we are and you can fix it. Good for you for showing your daughter the right way to treat cheaters.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

fundipsize101 said:


> The week after and I asked my husband to work on this when it started he told me no.it still hurts but I know it's best to let it go. This isn't the first time he cheated on me in high school and left me for a 17 y when he was 29. He got in a bad wreck and had a 17 and 16 in car. I worked on it then. I don't know why I am holding on. He never change and he never loved me.


The people I thought was my friend are not there his minnion s and I have none. I am staying with his brother and sister in law. I am so thankful for them. My husband won't talk to his brother. He never has.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> That's terrible. Yea, you shoulda dumped him way back then. But we were all young and didn't know any better, I did the same as you once.
> 
> But now here we are and you can fix it. Good for you for showing your daughter the right way to treat cheaters


I am trying don't want my daughter to think it's ok


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> The people I thought was my friend are not there his minnion s and I have none. I am staying with his brother and sister in law. I am so thankful for them. My husband won't talk to his brother. He never has.


I'm glad you have support that you trust.

Make sure you tell your lawyer about where you are staying and why. Sometimes it can be bad if you're not living at home.

To the law, it can look like you walked away from the marriage, even though that's not the truth. He may want you to go back into the house.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I'm glad you have support that you trust.
> 
> Make sure you tell your lawyer about where you are staying and why. Sometimes it can be bad if you're not living at home.
> 
> To the law, it can look like you walked away from the marriage, even though that's not the truth. He may want you to go back into the house.


He never told me to leave. He wanted me to stay and be roommates until further notice


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

fundipsize101 said:


> That is true


I don't know how other then to say this so and tell you. I am done, I do not want to be married anymore. I am over all the text messages that go from one extreme to the next. I am trying to be nice and make this as easy as possible for you because you have done nothing wrong and I have made a decision that has inconvenienced you which I apologize for. With that being said stop, just stop trying, stop the constant texting and move on. Please stop trying to have conversations that I do not want to have. I wish you the best but from this point I want you to stop with the texting and calling. We are simply just living together until that part is figured out. Have a good day.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

fundipsize101 said:


> I don't know how other then to say this so and tell you. I am done, I do not want to be married anymore. I am over all the text messages that go from one extreme to the next. I am trying to be nice and make this as easy as possible for you because you have done nothing wrong and I have made a decision that has inconvenienced you which I apologize for. With that being said stop, just stop trying, stop the constant texting and move on. Please stop trying to have conversations that I do not want to have. I wish you the best but from this point I want you to stop with the texting and calling. We are simply just living together until that part is figured out. Have a good day.


This is what my husband texted me to me the day before I left.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> He never told me to leave. He wanted me to stay and be roommates until further notice


That's ok I would have done the same. You may have to go back though. Talk to your lawyer and follow his advice.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> This is what my husband texted me to me the day before I left.


Hold on to that text. Make sure your lawyer sees it.

It might not be relevant but it might.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> That's ok I would have done the same. You may have to go back though. Talk to your lawyer and follow his advice.


WE LIVED with his parents, and I will if i have to. I let you know what the lawyer says


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Hold on to that text. Make sure your lawyer sees it.
> 
> It might not be relevant but it might.


I am holding on to it


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

fundipsize101 said:


> This is what my husband texted me to me the day before I left.


Sounds like he is done. What else do you need? Quit spending all your energy on him and take care of yourself-- file for divorce, exercise, eat well, spend time with your kids and doing things you like. 

I know this all sounds difficult, but you really will not get anywhere by trying to talk to HIM about it. Find someone who cares.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

uwe.blab said:


> Sounds like he is done. What else do you need? Quit spending all your energy on him and take care of yourself-- file for divorce, exercise, eat well, spend time with your kids and doing things you like.
> 
> I know this all sounds difficult, but you really will not get anywhere by trying to talk to HIM about it. Find someone who cares.


I am and I am filing


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

fundipsize101 said:


> I am and I am filing


Dont tell your lawyer you want to be fair or nice. Focus on what’s been taken from you. Trust. Years of your life. You are owed more than he can possibly pay. But what you can get, you need. As much as you can. He’s going to gas light you big time, manipulate you, even try to make it seem like he had no other choice because of how you treated him.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

Casual Observer said:


> Dont tell your lawyer you want to be fair or nice. Focus on what’s been taken from you. Trust. Years of your life. You are owed more than he can possibly pay. But what you can get, you need. As much as you can. He’s going to gas light you big time, manipulate you, even try to make it seem like he had no other choice because of how you treated him.


I will not let him


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

fundipsize101 said:


> It is and my husband walked away from the church. He won't talk to anyone from the church. He used to work for the church but gave them back there key.


Just a comment on your avatar and this ^^^ comment.

I've always said the same thing as your avatar and believe it to be true.

But when his side of the triangle went away, the whole thing came crumbling down.
Now you have to turn it into a ladder.


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## fundipsize101 (2 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Just a comment on your avatar and this ^^^ comment.
> 
> I've always said the same thing as your avatar and believe it to be true.
> 
> ...


 so very true


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