# No sex, what needs to change?



## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

Sorry if this topic has been covered endlessly on these forums, I imagine it's a common problem when a marriage loses it's spark. I'm really struggling with the issue though and find myself thinking that life would be better apart if things don't improve. We have 3 kids and this is the last thing I want to happen, so please help me change things around. I love my wife and don't want to lose her but the lack of sex in our relationship is driving me crazy.
We've been together for 8 years, married 5. Our youngest is almost 2 now. I realise that having young kids is bound to have an effect on our sex life but we haven't had sex for about 6 weeks and that was only because she wanted to please me, not because she felt like it, which is a problem for me. For the last fews years we probably have sex 2/3 times a month usually in the space of a week and then nothing for 3 weeks. Very much in tune with her fertility cycle when she feels horny. However, sometimes we've gone as long as 3 months without, and that is hard to handle. 
I recently opened up to her about it and told her how I felt, we had a good open conversation about it all and I thought that things might change, but they haven't. I do not know how to get her to feel like having sex any more. If she doesn't feel like it I don't want to do it either and I can't initiate things if she's just doing it to please me. Actually it just makes me feel like **** when sex is like that. I'm 31 years old and I feel like I'm missing out on my sexual peak, other women find me attractive but my own wife doesn't and I would never cheat on her. I really need to find a solution. Sorry for the lengthy post.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Why should she not neglect her sexual responsibilities to you? There are no adverse consequences. If you slept instead of working on your job every day for months on end and your boss started jumping through hoops to blow powder sugar up your backside in an effort to make you want to work, but he clearly told you that you would never be fired, would you be likely to alter your behavior? It gets her tons of attention and there's no downside. What does she get out of the relationship? Find out what she values from you and link that to meeting your needs. There are no passengers in this canoe. She has expectations of you and if you don't produce, she will likely give you negative consequences. Why should your needs be less valid? If you just quit going to work because you'd rather use your day to play golf or fish, what would be her reaction?


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

Thank you unbelievable, I like what you said about finding out what she values from me I think it would be useful to know. However, I really worry that if I start laying down ultimatums she will only have sex to please me. It's a delicate situation because I want her to want to, not feel obliged like she's doing a job.


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

Are you in as good of physical shape as when you got married? Her lack of interest in sex could be something as simple as that (which is partly the cause of my own loss of interest in sex).


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

What's your relationship like?

Who does most of the childcare?

Who does most of the housework?

Do you both work outside the home?

Does your wife nag you?


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

Hey Rabbit, it's a good point. I'm not in as good shape as I was fitness wise, when we met I had a job that meant lots of physical work but now I rarely exercise. I used to be quite skinny and now I'm more average build but people tell me I look better now than before. My wife is quite overweight herself but after 3 kids it's normal and I still find her attractive. Sometime I wonder if she feels too bad about her own body, she seems to want to hide her nakedness even though I enjoy seeing her naked. Perhaps both these things have an impact?


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> What's your relationship like? *We have rough patches but we make up quickly and try and solve the issues together.*
> 
> Who does most of the childcare? *We share the childcare pretty equally, I'm starting a business from home so I'm around the kids a lot.
> *
> ...


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

What's your relationship like?


> We have rough patches but we make up quickly and try and solve the issues together.


When you say solve it, does it involve you giving in most of the time?

Who does most of the childcare?


> We share the childcare pretty equally, I'm starting a business from home so I'm around the kids a lot.


How many hours do you spend on the business a day?

If it's like a full time job, you should not be doing 50% of the child care, but you should be doing a fair amount based on how much you work and particularly in the evenings. If you do more then your fair share she will take you for granted.

Who does most of the housework?


> My wife did most (but not all) of the housework until we had a recent bust up about it. Now we share all the chores equally.


If your hours on the business are small then I think it's fine to do more housework, however if they are genuinely normal business hours then it should be fair, you should do some things but not more then your fair share.

If you were doing none it can build resentment, plus lead her to treat you like another child who needs taking care of, that's not good. There needs to be balance and you need to take care of chores not for your wife but because you are an adult and responsible adults pitch in and do their fair share. That is attractive.

Do you both work outside the home?


> No we are both in the home, I'm working on the business. She doesn't work but goes once a week to university part time.


Are you genuinely working hard? No video games etc?

If so then unless your wife is at uni or studying she needs to do her fair share too. Do not allow her to slack off either.

Does your wife nag you?


> Yes, this is what led to some arguments recently. My wife does tend to nag me quite a lot about household stuff and when I do help out I often get told I'm doing stuff wrong. We had a big shouting match but since then (about 3 weeks ago) we have divided up all the chores equally.


Yes the nagging is bad. If I have to"nag" someone it means they aren't being responsible. So make sure you aren't another child and that you get the stuff that needs to be done, done without her having to nag.

Also do not be afraid to stand up for your self, but make sure you are being fair. 

It helps if you stay even tempered and refuse to engage with your wife when she is yelling. 

A man who knows what he wants and goes for it is sexy, one who takes care of his wife and children and puts the family first without being told to, but also cares for himself and isn't a door mat. You have to get the balance right.

Also is your health good? And how is your wifes health?


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

Thanks LittleDeer, words of wisdom. My wife definitely does treat me like a child sometimes but somewhat unfairly I feel. She is 2 years older than me and I think that makes a difference to her but I don't think about it. The main problem is that we live in Germany and that means I have to depend a lot on her as a native speaker to cope with all the beaurocrasy here. My German is ok but I struggle with business language and this leads to some tension as well. Health wise we are both fine although for a couple of years I had problems with my spine, but it's ok now.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Check out "his needs, her needs" and "the five love languages". Read them together if possible and be honest with her about wanting to improve your relationship


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## Carlchurchill (Jan 23, 2013)

she needs to feel sexy before she can give you a 'sexytime'  

A bit hard with 3 small children.

What I do to turn my mrs on is I made a fake gmail account and I send her erotic stories, works everytime. Try it :smthumbup:
Oh and it also helps to make sure she orgasms!!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

What needs to change? Perhaps your marital status!

Seriously, as you mentioned, your wife could have a bunch of stuff going on like:

1 - Poor self body image due to her weight gain
2 - Having small children is exhausting
3 - Is she on any sort of birth control? alot of these are libido killers


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's not about laying down an ultimatum

You want your wife to want you... How do you do that? Men are not the same as women when it comes to sex. Men will have sex at the drop of a hat. Women need to mentally be there to want it. Her drive is responsive directly to your actions. Your drive is responsive to her physical presence... So it's about the actions you must take to drive a response on her... You are thinking... No way! When we were engaged she was crazy for sex with me and I wasn't doing anything at all.... But you were. She knew she wanted to marry you and she knew that she needed to do this to make you interested in marrying her. So reading deeper into the posts above, your wife currently does not understand or realize that she cannot keep her marriage (and life as she knows it) unless she participates in a ceratin way in her marriage... You have not taught her this.
Don't think about ultimatums. Think about a process change in your marriage where:

-- You figure out what her emoitional needs are, really understand her, and do things to make her feel emotionally happy... That's your job as a man
-- You figure out how to teach her that marriages are different than other relationships in that they are sexual, and that your needs are sexual in nature, and important at the core of you existance as a man... And the marriage can only function if man meet's wife's needs and wife meet's man's needs.

So your first step is figuring out her needs, what makes her feel good, what makes her feel happy, excitied and enthused about her whole life?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Hicks said:


> It's not about laying down an ultimatum
> 
> You want your wife to want you... How do you do that? Men are not the same as women when it comes to sex. Men will have sex at the drop of a hat. Women need to mentally be there to want it. Her drive is responsive directly to your actions. Your drive is responsive to her physical presence... So it's about the actions you must take to drive a response on her... You are thinking... No way! When we were engaged she was crazy for sex with me and I wasn't doing anything at all.... But you were. She knew she wanted to marry you and she knew that she needed to do this to make you interested in marrying her. So reading deeper into the posts above, your wife currently does not understand or realize that she cannot keep her marriage (and life as she knows it) unless she participates in a ceratin way in her marriage... You have not taught her this.
> Don't think about ultimatums. Think about a process change in your marriage where:
> ...


Hicks, not dissing your advice here but it doesn't always work.

My wife and I have had NUMEROUS converstaions about what her needs are what it is that I needed to do to put her in the mood. I did all of these things (as well as numerous other things) and nothing really changed.

I also tried MANY different approaches thinking that maybe she wasn't able to accurately vocalize whet her needs are. I've tried being more Alpha and more beta. Maybe got a little better results with the alpha approach but it didn't last long

However, I guess this is as good a starting point as any for the OP!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my mind once you have the discussion that you're dissatisfied about your sex life together she's either going to consider your position and work with you to find an acceptable solution for both...or she won't. If she doesn't your choices are to leave or to accept things as they are.


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

Cheers guys, thanks for all the advice, you've given me a lot to think about. I reckon I'm going to find out about her needs more, man up a bit, do some exercise, maybe write her a couple of cheeky emails and if all that fails I'll be back on here more desperate than ever


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Hicks, not dissing your advice here but it doesn't always work.
> 
> My wife and I have had NUMEROUS converstaions about what her needs are what it is that I needed to do to put her in the mood. I did all of these things (as well as numerous other things) and nothing really changed.
> 
> ...


Nothing ALWAYS WORKS.

But to change the situation, he must change his approach.
And these things I speak about are never a bad idea.

Ultimately if a man has done everything possible, the answer coulld be that your wife may never come around and in order to get a marriage you want, you have to find a better wife.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What's wrong with a spouse having sex to please the other spouse? I do things all the time to please my wife or because it strengthens the family. Does your wife really care why you trot out the door to go to work every morning? If my wife wants sex and I'm not magically in the mood, I step up to the plate. Marriage is service. What's the problem if she puts a little extra gravy on your taters? You'll be putting some on her's tomorrow. You twisting in the wind, building resentment isn't beneficial to the marriage or your wife. Your wife continuing to receive all the benefits of marriage without participating isn't good for her or you. The world is full of impoverished divorced women with kids. A course of action likely to add her to that stack isn't doing her or your kids any favors.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

In addition to His Needs, Her Needs, I recommend the Married Man Sex Life Primer from Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

That can give some good tips for jump starting your sex life.

Good luck.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> What's wrong with a spouse having sex to please the other spouse? I do things all the time to please my wife or because it strengthens the family. Does your wife really care why you trot out the door to go to work every morning? If my wife wants sex and I'm not magically in the mood, I step up to the plate. Marriage is service. What's the problem if she puts a little extra gravy on your taters? You'll be putting some on her's tomorrow. You twisting in the wind, building resentment isn't beneficial to the marriage or your wife. Your wife continuing to receive all the benefits of marriage without participating isn't good for her or you. The world is full of impoverished divorced women with kids. A course of action likely to add her to that stack isn't doing her or your kids any favors.


I think the problem for many is this often turns out to be uninspiring sex. Personally, I think I'd rather take care of myself to porn than the ole, "Do your business and get off of me" type sex. It's hard on the self esteem. 

Where I think it makes sense to do it even if she's not in the mood is if it's likely she'll get in the mood once you start. It's like me going to the gym sometimes. It's hard to get motivated to drag myself there however once I'm there I'm really glad I am.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I think the problem for many is this often turns out to be uninspiring sex. Personally, I think I'd rather take care of myself to porn than the ole, "Do your business and get off of me" type sex. It's hard on the self esteem.


Yes. Athol Kay called that a wife hating her husband with her vagina. And I agree that it sucks.

But duty sex can also be a wife who cheerfully gives her husband a BJ, a HJ, or just a quickie because she wants him to have a release and wants to bond with him without taking the time and effort required to climax herself. Men who reject that kind of sex are idiots.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Yes. Athol Kay called that a wife hating her husband with her vagina. And I agree that it sucks.
> 
> But duty sex can also be a wife who cheerfully gives her husband a BJ, a HJ, or just a quickie because she wants him to have a release and wants to bond with him without taking the time and effort required to climax herself. Men who reject that kind of sex are idiots.


A radio call in show I was listening to the other day had a woman call in who doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex however her husband really gets off on doing it to her. The host asked if it was painful or uncomfortable and her answer was no it just doesn't do anything for her. The advice was if she's indifferent but he gets pleasure out of it than she should do it for him. When he's done she can then ask him for the PIV sex that she prefers. I agree with that approach. 

If it doesn't hurt you or make you uncomfortable but your partner gets pleasure out of it you should be willing to do it for them.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> The world is full of impoverished divorced women with kids. A course of action likely to add her to that stack isn't doing her or your kids any favors.





unbelievable said:


> Why should she not neglect her sexual responsibilities to you?





DesparateDave said:


> I do not know how to get her to feel like having sex any more. If she doesn't feel like it I don't want to do it either and I can't initiate things if she's just doing it to please me. Actually it just makes me feel like **** when sex is like that.


So even if you could convince her to do it "for the good of the marriage" as if it's some sort of implied obligation and service requirement as suggested by at least two other posters, that wouldn't do it for you anyway because you'd feel like *** when sex is like that. So involuntary sex is off the table and I couldn't agree with you more. I picture the wife jacking hubby off with one hand with a towel on his belly, while watching Oprah and channel surfing with the remote or possibly the telephone in the other hand. No pleasure in chore sex.

Fact is she probably isn't going to change, she's not going to suddenly want to have sex with you when it's been like this for so long. 

And there's probably nothing you can do to change it other than to get yourself in really good shape and as one other poster suggested, find out what needs she has that aren't being met and try to get it done so her sex drive will suddenly improve but I think it's a long shot.

Possibly unrelated, but I found this part of your post rather odd.

The bold is added by me because frankly I don't know why YOU added it rather than just ending the sentence before it.



DesparateDave said:


> My wife is quite overweight herself *but after 3 kids it's normal*


Why are you justifying your wife's fatness?

Maybe that IS the problem, she knows she's no longer attractive and that's the root of the problem?

It might be "common" for women to gain weight during pregnancy and then continue to pack on the pounds due to a sedentary lifestyle and a basic lack of caring enough to do anything about it, but that doesn't mean it's "normal" or healthy.

Your last child was born 2 years ago. She could have lost the weight gained during pregnancy by now.

If she wanted to. Maybe she's depressed.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

No sex! What needs to change?

That depends on what you want the end result to be.

1. If you want more sex with a wife that wants to have more sex with you, than your wife needs to change.

2. If you want to stay in the marriage with your wife no matter what, than you need to change and adapt to not having sex.

3. If you just want sex - then once again you need to change and get out of the marriage so you can go find it elsewhere. 

My feeling is that you want #1, which is the one you have no control over. The only thing you can do is try to convince her that she WANTS to change. How do you do that? You have to show her that it is in her best interest to change either by showing her there are rewards and benefits for changing or showing her there are severe consequences for not changing. If neither of these things gets her to WANT to change - she isn't GOING to change and you should consider one of the other 2 options - cause those you CAN control!!!

I'll be honest with you though - I have seldom seen a husband nice his wife into having sex - or in other words, trying to meet her needs, does more around the house, is sweet and loving to her, etc. It seldom works in giving her a desire to change. On the contrary, it just makes her more complacent with the marriage (which btw is really where she is at right now). I think it works better if the man shakes her up a bit where she can no longer be complacent. Once a women realizes her husband will NOT stay in a marriage only to be a companion, friend, & parent - she usually wakes up really fast and her desire to fix it and change suddenly appears. That's when you both have a sit down and re-negotiate the marrital relationship - with both of you making the changes necessary to both get your needs met. Sometimes this stage takes some professional help - but if the desire is there - thats most of the battle!!!

A woman who thinks her husband is staying in the marriage no matter what - is going to give him the no matter what, especially if the no matter what is easier for her!! What does she have to lose??


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Hi Dave.

I hope you don't mind but I'm going to play devil's advocate for a second okay? It might be helpful and I may be able to shed some light on your wife's mentality. I am much younger than you and I don't have any kids but I'm going to try. 

First, have you explained to your wife what sex means to you?

Because this can be a disconnect for women. Sometimes, when a man is pestering a woman for sex she starts to think "Is that all he wants me for? To get his rocks off?" 

And it builds resentment which furthers the cycle of aversion.

Make sure she knows sex is an expression of LOVE and not just your need to stick your schlong in a glory hole. 

It is much easier for her to blow off your needs if she doesn't really view them as needs. She's probably thinking "Use your right hand and leave me alone."

Equate it to something she can understand.

Say, "Honey, sex is an expression of love for me. When we make love, I feel that you truly love me and accept me as a man."

If she doesn't see an emotional component behind it, she may be thinking "I have all of this to do with the house and the kids and all he cares about is when he's going to get to bang me....what a pig." 

I am not as experienced as many of the other people advising you, I'm only 20.

But sometimes I think my youthful, optimistic view on love and life can be helpful to people in dark places.

Remember why you married her and don't give up. 

Good luck, okay? I mean that.


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## DesparateDave (Jan 23, 2013)

I just wanted to say thanks to all those who gave advice in this thread, since my last post we've started having sex again and it's been great. I'm not sure what made the difference, I think that it probably took a while for the talk we had a while ago to settle in. @LittleBird I had actually talked sex in terms of love and emotional bonding so I don't think that put her off. We've also since talked about our needs together as suggested by some people here and I think that has helped too. She wants to feel less responsible for me which ties in with what LittleDeer said about her seeing me as another child in the relationship. Obviously that is a problem and I need to work on changing that by taking on more responsibility for her and the family. I'm also thinking about having therapy which is something I've been considering for a long time but never committed to. My wife is always telling me I need it but I wanted to want it for myself. I think writing on this forum has shown me that it's good to share your thoughts and receive advice so therapy now seems much more appealing. Thanks again.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

DD, in my humble experience as I understand it, a womans self perception, meaning her figure, is a very sensitive subject. My wife and I are 8 months pregnant and everything thing that comes with that. Her body will never be the same. To me she is every bit as beautiful today than when we met. Be that as it may, she continually comments on her figure. Which depresses her. I am sensitive to this and I do everything possible to keep her from diving into this black hole.

I always do chores, housework, dishes etc.. In addition to inside I do the outside junk as well. Whenever she goes on a tangent on butt size or whatever, I comment "You are still the girl I married, just a lot more to love and you still have a pretty face. Yeah I know sounds silly, but it works. Rearing three kids is hard, time for her to work out or care for self is probably hard to do. 

My point to my ramble is that, it takes hard work for a marriage, kids and intimacy. You said you had your conversations about it, several from what I understand here. If she indeed loves you and respects you she would make an honest attempt to keep that spark going between you and you her. That is why you folks married, or at least that is why I did. Best of luck.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

mary35 said:


> N
> I'll be honest with you though - I have seldom seen a husband nice his wife into having sex - or in other words, trying to meet her needs, does more around the house, is sweet and loving to her, etc. It seldom works in giving her a desire to change. On the contrary, it just makes her more complacent with the marriage (which btw is really where she is at right now). I think it works better if the man shakes her up a bit where she can no longer be complacent. Once a women realizes her husband will NOT stay in a marriage only to be a companion, friend, & parent - she usually wakes up really fast and her desire to fix it and change suddenly appears. That's when you both have a sit down and re-negotiate the marrital relationship - with both of you making the changes necessary to both get your needs met. Sometimes this stage takes some professional help - but if the desire is there - thats most of the battle!!!
> 
> A woman who thinks her husband is staying in the marriage no matter what - is going to give him the no matter what, especially if the no matter what is easier for her!! What does she have to lose??


Mr. Dave, this is a woman giving you this advice, I say take it! 

Mrs. Mary, thank you for your insights, very enlightening!


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## Psy.D. C. Maso (Jan 22, 2013)

mary35 said:


> I'll be honest with you though - *I have seldom seen a husband nice his wife into having sex - or in other words, trying to meet her needs, does more around the house, is sweet and loving to her, etc. It seldom works in giving her a desire to change. On the contrary, it just makes her more complacent with the marriage* (which btw is really where she is at right now). I think it works better if the man shakes her up a bit where she can no longer be complacent. Once a women realizes her husband will NOT stay in a marriage only to be a companion, friend, & parent - she usually wakes up really fast and her desire to fix it and change suddenly appears. That's when you both have a sit down and re-negotiate the marrital relationship - with both of you making the changes necessary to both get your needs met. Sometimes this stage takes some professional help - but if the desire is there - thats most of the battle!!!
> 
> A woman who thinks her husband is staying in the marriage no matter what - is going to give him the no matter what, especially if the no matter what is easier for her!! What does she have to lose??


*Mary35*, thank you. But so few men believe this, because they feel insecure when their wives do not improve within days. Another problem is that their wives will actually complain at the beginning, but these men will give up their frame just for the sake of peace. Some at least argue or quarell, but even this is wrong. The only correct thing is to let her complain and comfort her, BUT to keep on doing what is right!
Here in europe we call this process creating sexual tension:

Phase 1: You work on your value as a man/woman by focusing on yourself and leaving sex thing out of the picture for a while. Depending on how bad the problem is, this can be days to weeks.

Phase 2: Tension and trouble comes up and leads to fights, BUT you defend your value by NOT verbaly argueing but by continuing to work on it. The complains are usually the first sign that the victim is on the right track to getting more sex.
Even partners with a low sex drive enjoy it when they are wanted for sex, though they might often still reject. 

Immediately the other side stops to show the "I want you" behaviour it surely brings up a bit of insecurity which can cause trouble which is usualy displayed in passiv agressiveness, men are mostly inpable of seeing this when their wives get into it, so they take each word serious and act on problems which actually really arent the TRUE cause of the fight.

Phase 3: You initiate sex, if he/she accepts fine, if not -> *fine too*. Either way you start off with phase 1 again and again till things stablelize.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> In addition to His Needs, Her Needs, I recommend the Married Man Sex Life Primer from Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.
> 
> That can give some good tips for jump starting your sex life.
> 
> Good luck.


Do this. Do this NOW! Buy it. Don't show your wife. It is imperative to your health.

But...you need to be willing to walk away.

Think of it this way. You have a house. The water department is a public service i.e. a monoploy. You can't decide to hook up to Big J's Water. You have to use ONE company.

Say one day you turn on the tap and the water doesn't run. Well, anyone can have an off day...they are fixing the pipes, it's winter...so you put up with it.

That day turns into a week. Um...

Then you get a bill for services rendered at the same amount. Well...you pay. 

But the next month you don't get water...and the next...

If a wife demands a sexual monopoly, she is on the hook to provide the services. Obviously you aren't a brute. If she's ill, she's had an exhausting day (careful with this one. It's unverifiable...), she's REALLY not in the 'mood'...well you won't force her. You LOVE her! And you really want this to be a bonding moment, not a chore.

Well...when your wife looks at the back yard, and sees that it's covered with leaves, does she care if you are 'in the mood' to rake leaves? She would prefer it. She would like it to be a bonding moment. Does she always care if you are 'too tired'? No. "Here's the rake. Try to be done by dinner."

And this ignores a well known fact of female libido. It isn't always self starting. Sometimes it needs a 'push'. Not rape. Not force per se. But if it's expected, she might find after a little bit that she starts to get into it. If you wait for her 'mood', better get a calendar.

We have this one guy who used to post here. He's been waiting 3-6 years (don't remember. Don't want to look him up either) to have sex with his wife. She also cheated on him (hmmm). But 'any day now' she's going to give him the booty. He's been working at it...any...day...now...

Don't be that guy! Go to the gym. Buy clothes from this decade. Get a new hair cut. No more pressure on her for sex. You can use the time to consider your options.

and buy that book!


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

DesparateDave said
"For the last fews years we probably have sex 2/3 times a month usually in the space of a week and then nothing for 3 weeks. Very much in tune with her fertility cycle when she feels horny"

This section of your opening post realy struck a cord with me. For many years after I married this was the patern my wife prefered.

My wife had a very strong desire to have children and sex for her was a nessesary trial to go through towards that end. 
This may or may not be the same in your wifes case but it could be worth bearing in mind.


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