# Must be luck!



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Hi everyone! Moved over to this page, my divorce was finalized last week. Things are going really well, and the kids seem to be handling things like champs. That is all I can really ask for.

I managed to keep my classes going through the divorce and made honor roll with my college. I was also accepted into the Social Work program and start in the fall.

The boys and I move into an apartment in the middle of July, and luckily they have a pool. I am super excited about that, the kids are in love with the pool. 

I do have a question. My oldest had his birthday yesterday,and we celebrate separately. My son asked if dad could come (dad had him the whole week and a half before his bday) and I said I thought it wasn't a good idea yet. How do you guys celebrate? Do you suck it up and invite the ex? We are okay, I don't care enough to hate him anymore but I thought it could be awkward. Any advice is appreciated.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You gotta do what you think it right.

Maybe for this time it wasn't right but next year will be ok.


With my ex, we did joint birthdays. The first few sucked. It was easier in time. No boyfriends/girlfriends were allowed to come unless SERIOUS mates--- neither of us had those.

I'll probably be divorcing soon and birthdays will be awkward for a while, I'm sure. But I think a kid needs both mom and dad there. We can suck it up for 2 hours.

How old is your child? My oldest is almost 15 so birthdays aren't a thing anymore. She has friends over and that's it.

But my little one will be 6 in November so there are still a few years of parties to get through.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> You gotta do what you think it right.
> 
> Maybe for this time it wasn't right but next year will be ok.
> 
> ...



I am trying really hard to make sure the kids don't feel like they need to pick a side. I want them to love both of us, so it gets really hard when it comes to joint things.

I like the idea of joint so they can see us both, maybe if we could come to an understanding about SO's it would be more realistic.

You are divorcing that_girl? Did I miss something since the last time we spoke? I am sorry to hear that, but I hope it is something that is best for both of you in the end <3


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, the process is starting. He hasn't done anything to change in 3 years. He thinks he has, but he hasn't.

yesterday was my birthday and it was horrible. Finally I just sat him down and talked loudly. He had no response. He never does.

I can't live like this. so the process is starting to me breaking free because for SOME REASON, he has this tie on me.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> Well, the process is starting. He hasn't done anything to change in 3 years. He thinks he has, but he hasn't.
> 
> yesterday was my birthday and it was horrible. Finally I just sat him down and talked loudly. He had no response. He never does.
> 
> I can't live like this. so the process is starting to me breaking free because for SOME REASON, he has this tie on me.


If it helps at all, I couldn't believe how nice it was to talk to men who were interested in me. I have been dating a lot and it reminded me of how awesome I am. That and I realize now that i was worth so much more than what my H was giving me. I am sooo much happier now. My H is miserable (even though he was the one that wanted this) but that is not my problem anymore. He was miserable before, during and after the marriage anyway lol


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I am learning to cut the ties that make me sympathize with him and stay.

Everyone has issues. I worked and fixed mine. He hasn't. He won't. All talk, no action.

I know there is life out there that is better. He and I were separated for some time and I saw life. It's a good reminder that I'm a great person...

I'm glad things are going well for you. I think at this time, I can see the light at the end and it's not scary. I want things to be authentic though so I'm not rushing anything...at the same time, I'm not going to sit here in the status quo.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> I think at this time, I can see the light at the end and it's not scary. I want things to be authentic though so I'm not rushing anything...at the same time, I'm not going to sit here in the status quo.


That might be one of the most brilliant things I have ever heard 

I have one date that is empathetic with my desire not to rush into anything. He is a good man (so far lol) and will nudge me, but not push me. It pains me that I almost forgot what a relationship is supposed to feel like, but I am happy that I can feel that sense of intimacy again.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I never thought intimacy was such a big deal...until I had none.

Feels good to be alive, no?

I know the feeling. I had a taste while separated. So...I'm right after you


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> I never thought intimacy was such a big deal...until I had none.
> 
> Feels good to be alive, no?
> 
> I know the feeling. I had a taste while separated. So...I'm right after you


I am glad to hear that! It feels oh so good to be alive. I thought I would be broken, but it turns out he was the broken one. who knew? LOL


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ugh, I wouldn't care to have my ex over, but if one of my boys asked I'd say ok. But that's only because ex and I are in a good place and he would behave himself. If you think your ex would cause problems then no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ugh, I wouldn't care to have my ex over, but if one of my boys asked I'd say ok. But that's only because ex and I are in a good place and he would behave himself. If you think your ex would cause problems then no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it would be fine. It is just awkward. Do I just ask him if he wants to do joint parties? Any men on here, would that be weird for you and your ex?


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Ours was too contentious. I did invite him to a bowling birthday party - if I recall correctly it was his weekend but my year for birthday so I threw the party on a Friday night and when it was over she left with him for the weekend. It worked out well that there was a distraction and no need to really be near each other.

I think it's nice if you can come up with ground rules like other posters have and maybe meet at a restaurant or a neutral place. But if not, remind the kids they get to celebrate TWICE!


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

DawnD said:


> Hi everyone! Moved over to this page, my divorce was finalized last week. Things are going really well, and the kids seem to be handling things like champs. That is all I can really ask for.
> 
> I managed to keep my classes going through the divorce and made honor roll with my college. I was also accepted into the Social Work program and start in the fall.
> 
> ...


Yes we jointly have parties and I always invite my x and to her credit she comes and stays for the party. This is much to the dismay of my family and friends who can't understand why I would be nice to do this, I certainly don't have to, after all she did to me. But I tell them the truth as I see it which is I love my kids more than I despise her. It makes them happier to have the party together with both mom and dad so that's what we do. My kids happiness is more important to me than my bad feelings about her


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> Yes we jointly have parties and I always invite my x and to her credit she comes and stays for the party. This is much to the dismay of my family and friends who can't understand why I would be nice to do this, I certainly don't have to, after all she did to me. But I tell them the truth as I see it which is I love my kids more than I despise her. It makes them happier to have the party together with both mom and dad so that's what we do. My kids happiness is more important to me than my bad feelings about her


I am glad to hear you say that. I am at about the same place. I will do anything for my boys. I have been trying really hard to only speak nicely of him and make sure they know we both love them. Not because he deserves it but because THEY deserve it. I know it probably doesn't make sense.


----------



## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Your kids will adjust to the reality of divorce. They seem to adjust quicker than the adults do.


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Your kids will adjust to the reality of divorce. They seem to adjust quicker than the adults do.


:iagree:
When the smoke cleared my oldest told me that the divorce basically made her "normal".
Apparently nearly all of her friends come from divorced parents.
She can count still married parents on one hand.

Sad, but true.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

SamuraiJack said:


> :iagree:
> When the smoke cleared my oldest told me that the divorce basically made her "normal".
> Apparently nearly all of her friends come from divorced parents.
> She can count still married parents on one hand.
> ...


thanks for the input Thundarr and SamuraiJack. Just trying to make sure I am doing what is best for them. I will handle awkward birthday parties if it is what they want.


----------

