# Overlapping relationships



## unheld (Sep 20, 2013)

Hello...

I'm new to the forum and plan to lurk a bit.

I live in a remote and beautiful place, and my ex left and moved to another state in December 2015. Because of unknown motivations on her part, the process took a year and a half. Ultimately, we settled on the same thing we verbally agreed to before she left. 

Whatever.

Papers are signed, and I am awaiting my official copies from the court.

In the meantime, I met someone who lights my fuse, and we have had a deeply connected and volatile relationship, primarily long distance and during some trying situations beyond our making.

But it's strong and real and generally blissful, and release from an untenable marriage is exhilarating.

I think my PTSD from the failed marriage keeps interrupting our new thing, and I seem to repeatedly (subconsciously?) pull my foot out of my mouth... then trip over it. 

That's why I joined...


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Welcome to TAM, my friend!

And welcome to what sounds like the start of a new, mutually promising and trusting relationship with a great lady!*


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like you have not given yourself time to heal before starting a new relationship.

I'm not sure how to shorten the healing process except maybe counseling or reading self help books on the topic.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

unheld said:


> Hello...
> 
> I'm new to the forum and plan to lurk a bit.
> 
> ...


this doesn't sound like a good relationship to me. What it does sound like is a rebound and you are certainly entitled to that. I wouldn't put much into hoping this is a long term comittment.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

unheld said:


> Hello...
> 
> I'm new to the forum and plan to lurk a bit.
> 
> ...



Anytime the word "volatile" is used to describe a relationship my advise would be to end it. Being long distance there's a good chance you two really don't know each other as well as you think, and again, "volatile", so early in the relationship. Doesn't sound healthy to me.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Beware of the rebound.


----------



## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

unheld, welcome to TAM. I hope that you find it as helpful as I have. If only for the variety of answers one gets, and the clarity when many of those align.

How long have you known the person you have started a new relationship with? And how much time have you actually spent with them? Whether the volatility you observe is more a result of external circumstances, unresolved issues from your ended marriage, or a natural part of the chemistry that you have with this new person; can you imagine it being like this indefinitely?

I personally find volatility (and the sense of uncertainty that it makes me feel) in a relationship to be quite exhausting. But perhaps it is helping you to feel alive, connected and desired after a very draining and depressing time? The rebound question doesn't necessarily lessen the long term potential of the relationship. But perhaps it makes it necessary for you to be more self-aware as you continue forming it. 

The only advice that I can give is to take your time ... and enjoy your time as you take it.:wink2:


----------

