# Was this wrong to have done??



## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

I wrote to this my wife 2 days ago.... before she decided to stay with me.... If some of you have been following ym thread was this wrong??? It was just something i wrote and gave her, but it's how I felt and still do


Each day I have with you,
Is a day I will cherrish.
For each day with you, 
Is a day closer to losing you.

Three little words that mean so much,
By not saying or showing them enough,
Is the way I fell out of touch.

I sit and see the clock,
I sit and listen to the tick.
For I wonder which day,
The Women I love will pick.

Now I have made her sad,
How could I have taken her love for granted,
How could I have hurt so bad.

The little things I wish to do,
To kiss your lips,
To hold your hand,
I only want to do them with you.

I wish I could always hold you tight,
I wish i could show what you mean to me.
I wish you always be in my life,
I wish you always be my Wife.

I know the day is coming,
And one day will be my last,
One day closer, I will be your past.

Three little words that mean so much,
Three little words i never said enough.
Three little words will change my life,
I wish I could say those three little words,
If I could, I would say
I LOVE YOU to my Wife.​
My wife thought I copied and typed the words to her, I told her no.... The words just came to me and they did....


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

If she is someone into poetry, I'd say it was a nice gesture
but in no way makes up for face to face communication.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Preso

I think she likes poetry... To be honest never talked about that with her in 23 years 

No I agree it was in no way communicating with her... It was a way I could tell her how I feel with no comments. Kinda like I wanted to say this with no response...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

You are asking if it's wrong....

it depends because every woman is different. For me, to recieve a poem rather than have face to face conversations and romantic verbalization for me would have been wrong.
I would see it as a weak attempt at romance and communication. So, if its wrong or right, it depends on your wife.

After decades and then a poem... might just tick me off. I personally would not like it and see it as a weak and meager attempt for my husband to be romantic.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Preso

She did not wanting talking face to face... when I tried you would not listen or say I am just repeating myself over and over...So I wrote it and placed it on her desk for her to read...

I don't think I was clear in asking if it was wrong to do this???

Maybe I should have put it this was?

Was it wrong to write down how I feel for my wife and let her read it? Or should I have done nothing at all?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Roger136913 said:


> Preso
> 
> She did not wanting talking face to face... when I tried you would not listen or say I am just repeating myself over and over...So I wrote it and placed it on her desk for her to read...
> 
> ...


I don't know as all woman are different and I am not her. All I can tell you is it would do nothing for me other than to tick me off...
the thought that would come to mind is: too little, too late.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Roger136913 said:


> Was it wrong to write down how I feel for my wife and let her read it? Or should I have done nothing at all?


usually when im wondering if ive done something 'right' or 'wrong' in how i approach my H, i gage his reaction and i pay attention to how i feel after i do what i did. so in your situation, what was her reaction? has she changed at all? did she say anything about it? but, its hard to base your actions off of someone else's reaction. you end up trying to play the mind reader and 'make' someone do something. that's never a good scenario, and besides its exhausting. still, its good to pay attention to their reaction to a degree. 

but more importantly, how do you feel about what you did? if you feel good, and have a sense of peace, then you probably did the 'right' thing. if you feel antsy and anxious, then you probably made a mistake. the hard part is finding out exactly what the mistake was, but inevitably if you do not feel at peace with your own actions, then you made some mistake. its more important that you pay attention to how you feel about what you did. then you can never go wrong. at least, this is how i gage my actions with my H.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Blanca

She said she liked it... I saw an eyebrow lift.... I did feel good about writing it... not about giving it to her as I thought she might feel it was a stupid thing to do...

I have learned over the years people can fake a reaction saying it was good and then hear it later it was bad.... SO I go by thier word... though thats not always right either LOL...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Roger136913 said:


> I did feel good about writing it... not about giving it to her as I thought she might feel it was a stupid thing to do...


well, then i think based off of this you should not have given it to her. those thoughts you have are your pearls. I do not know what your particular situation is, but be careful about throwing your pearls before swine. It leads to a lot of resentment and pain down the road. 

If you want to be close to her, search your mind for something you can do that you feel at peace doing. it probably wont be a huge emotional thing, because you have to respect yourself. start small, and if you feel good afterwards, try staying at that level until you feel comfortable going a little deeper. but once you feel like what you are doing is "stupid" or you feel like a fool afterwards, or you feel angry, hurt, or antsy, it just means you went too far. if you do things that hurt you, and cause resentment, then your relationship will never heal.


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## peaches (Apr 26, 2009)

Roger
I've read some of your posts but not all. From what i understand you and your wife are alot like my husband and me. After a while you didn't show your feelings for her anymore and she felt neglected. if that's the case-I can't see the problem with the poem or giving it to her. I'd think it was great. Isn't that the issue in the relationship? Wasn't she wanting that stuff all along? It may be a little uncomfortable for her cause it's so romantic and you guys were apart and all. But I bet she liked it. You said you gave it to her 2 days ago and now she's staying, right? Sounds like it was a good move to me.
I think it was more wrong to have NOT done this kind of thing in the past-keep it up-and congrats on the reconcilliation


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Peaches

No we were not apart, we still were living together  Yes she was missing the romance and the cuddeling and a whole lot more.. She is staying for now to see if this is what she wants...and Thank You :")


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Blanca said:


> well, then i think based off of this you should not have given it to her. those thoughts you have are your pearls. I do not know what your particular situation is, but be careful about throwing your pearls before swine. It leads to a lot of resentment and pain down the road.
> 
> If you want to be close to her, search your mind for something you can do that you feel at peace doing. it probably wont be a huge emotional thing, because you have to respect yourself. start small, and if you feel good afterwards, try staying at that level until you feel comfortable going a little deeper. but once you feel like what you are doing is "stupid" or you feel like a fool afterwards, or you feel angry, hurt, or antsy, it just means you went too far. if you do things that hurt you, and cause resentment, then your relationship will never heal.


I felt stupid in the sense after 23 years I never wrote one and thought she would say hmm after 23 years why now???

I told her I will not say I will change, I will just change. The old me would never do this but the new me wanted to.

I also know I can't sit and think how she will feel (darn Therapist) So I gave it to her... She liked it.....I just felt she would think I am changing all at once and if is really thinking of staying I don't want her to think it's a 30 day special I want this stuff always and not just to get her back and go back to the way things were..


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