# Just got fired, what now? Please... advice?



## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Hi there...

I have been divorced since November 2013. The ex-wife and I have split custody (50/50), and I pay her child support because our son is on her insurance and also because he goes to the after school program when school is in session and the summer program in the summer. However, she did make more money than I did.

A few days ago I lost my job. I did not get laid off, I made some unintentional mistakes and was consequently fired. I did not want to lose my job, I needed it. I was happy to pay the support, so long as it is being used for the purposes intended, even though she has yet to provide receipt of his school program fees.

I also might mention that she is likely getting financial support from her parents because she got in over her head and is renting a house that costs more than the one we had together, plus, she recently bought herself a new Lexus. Not only that, she is going to school (I am happy for her), so the numbers simply don't add up with what she is supposedly making at work.

Meanwhile, I am living with a roommate and I have to move in three months but I won't have a place to go now that I don't have the earnings I did before so I can't buy or probably even rent a house. My son will have drastically different standards of living when he goes from being with his mom to being with me. It breaks my heart and makes me feel like a failure. 

I guess my question is this: should I try to petition the court to try and get my support payments temporarily reduced? I have no income right now. I am ALREADY looking for a new job a day after losing mine, so I want to be employed. I simply don't think I can make as much as I was at my last job... unless I get back to school... I took getting fired pretty well initially, but now I am starting to panic. I don't want my son to feel that.


Oh yeah, I also lost my insurance and I won't be able to sustain paying for my medications (for major depression, and I am in the middle of a very intense skin treatment program which requires frequent bloodwork / derm. visits and more meds). I can't just stop them...


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

You can file for Unemployment Benefits. There's an 800 number in the phone book or look online to apply. You get the chance to tell your side of the story and so does your employer. Usually though, since you were fired and not quit, you'd receive approximately 55% of your averaged base salary over the past 18 months. That should help out some until you find gainful employment.

You can petition the Court to reduce CS but I highly doubt that will work. You'd have to have a substantial arrearages without the ability to pay in full. Since you are abled body enough to go back to work, judges most likely will dismiss your motion.

Since you are divorced, you really don't get a say so in how your x spends money. She does not have to provide you with receipts for anything. That's just how it goes. And no, I don't want a debate about the unfairness of the Title IV initiative...

Some doctors will work on a sliding fee scale. Ask yours if that can happen for you until insurance is established. I'm not sure if a free clinic can help but there are programs out there that can help, you just need to look for them.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

File for unemployment, contact your attorney or check your state laws and see if you can do anything about the child support. If you didn't ask check with your employer and see if they give or can give you a neutral emolument verification when potential employers run a check.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Also, check the market rates in your area, many insurance brokers can find you a lower rate than COBRA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Usually the courts will assume you can pay for 3 months of expenses (they assume most people have 3 months or so of short term emergency fund), so hopefully your unemployment will end soon and not last beyond a month or 2.

Good luck with the job hunt.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

If you go to court about the CS, it will be revealed you may soon have no place to live, and visitation/co-parenting might be reduced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I would contact the court. Lots of courts have dealt with this issue, but they will not help you out after the arrears have added up and you seek want to get out of paying. You have to tell them first.

Agreed you should file for unemployment (the failure to do so could be detrimental to resolving any child support issue). Go full speed into finding a job and document everything. That way if the job search takes time you will have the necessary documentation to take to court about the good faith efforts you have made in any child support or possible custody battle.
Can you talk to your ex? Are you two on speaking terms.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Yes, petition the court.

And based on what you are saying, do not resume paying her what you were before this time unless forced. You can buy your son things when you like or you can put that money into trust for him if you want. But don't let her take advantage of you.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Unintentional mistakes don't usually get you fired even in this economy. My advice is to petition the court since your earnings are not what the were. But also analyze and come to terms with the real reasons why your employment was terminated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree that you need to see an attorney about reducing the support you pay at this time. If it cannot be done, an attorney will tell you. 

If you don't have the money for an attorney, file on your own. See that the court will do.

File for unemployment as has been suggested.

File for insurance on the "obamacare (or ACA exchange) with no income you will get Medicaid for free and can most likely continue your treatments.

Go apply for food stamps since you have no income right now. You might even be able to get some minimal cash support.

Look into programs in your area for getting help in finding a job. Goodwill is a good place to start. They have programs help find a job.

Are you a veteran?

Apply for school and financial aid. Ask for federal work study as part of the financial aid package. It might be best if you do go back to school so you can up your ability to earn more. But make sure that if you do this you pick a field that will earn you more.. not history or art, etc.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Clawed said:


> Hi there...
> 
> I have been divorced since November 2013. The ex-wife and I have split custody (50/50), and I pay her child support because our son is on her insurance and also because he goes to the after school program when school is in session and the summer program in the summer. However, she did make more money than I did.
> 
> ...


Any chance your unintentional mistakes were caused by poor memory or fatigue caused by your medical condition? If so then you need to see an attorney and have him/her talk to human resources about wrongful termination. You can't lose your job because of a medical condition, in any case they can't just fire you, it has to be done differently and eval for other type of job or closer supervision until you respond to treatment. You should have talked to them about your medical condition in that case.

You are also in the US entitled to COBRA but you can also apply for health insurance under the new exchange, in some states Medicaid is expanded to low income adults. And prior condition cannot be denied under the law for coverage.

Yes, reduce payments, of course.

As for different living conditions, unless your kid is a twit, kids know when parents are fun and all they care about is a safe place to sleep and meals/snacks on a regular basis and something interesting to do as well as undivided and enthusiastic adult attention. Kids have been maimed or worse pulling down big screen tv's while left unattended, and drowning in big-ass pools. As for Disneyworld, for most kids, it's overstimulating.  In fact, if you want my opinion, a bit of depravity makes for happier kids, so long as it's not food or safe place to sleep or enthusiastic attention. What ever happened to all the very cool things you can do with a deck of cards? Make card houses, play memory games, do card tricks, play games...hide them in the house for hide and go seek by proxy...


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Clawed said:


> Hi there...
> 
> I have been divorced since November 2013. The ex-wife and I have split custody (50/50), and I pay her child support because our son is on her insurance and also because he goes to the after school program when school is in session and the summer program in the summer. However, she did make more money than I did.
> 
> ...


If you were my son, I'd say you better get a job to replace the one you lost from poor performance. It's time for a reality check. You have children and they need a Man in their life. That means providing for them. Your reasons sound more like excuses.
- First off she doesn't have to provide proof of anything. The court decided she was the primary caregiver.
- If you lost your job then get another one and don't get fired this time. Actually work your butt off and move up and make more money.
- Financial support from her parents is none of anyone's business including yours.
- Her numbers adding up again is not your business so long as she's (and your support) keeping shelter, food, etc for kids.
- Your income and living situation doesn't take away the fact you have kids to support.

Sorry for sounding so harsh Clawed but if you're not taking care of yourself and your family then that means other people are. You need to expect more of yourself than that.


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## areyouserious? (Jun 22, 2014)

The short and quick answer is yes - petition the courts as soon as possible so you don't get hit with arrears. 
My two teenage daughters live with their Father and I pay support. Albeit a small amount, it's what we agreed to so that the girls could stay in their schools with their friends (that and Baltimore City schools suck, but that's neither here nor there). 
I lost my job and had to petition the courts to have my support payments substantially lowered. I also collected unemployment. 
I don't know what state you're in, I was in NY at the time. Every state is different though. But if you allow yourself to go in arrears, it will make it worse for you. At least with petitioning the courts, they'll know why you aren't able to make your payments and they'll get you on a schedule that can work for you. 
They will also ask her to produce her proof of income and any other sources of income she might get. That way they can adjust it fairly. 
Good luck!~


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> If you were my son, I'd say you better get a job to replace the one you lost from poor performance. It's time for a reality check. You have children and they need a Man in their life. That means providing for them. Your reasons sound more like excuses.
> - First off she doesn't have to provide proof of anything. The court decided she was the primary caregiver.
> - If you lost your job then get another one and don't get fired this time. Actually work your butt off and move up and make more money.
> - Financial support from her parents is none of anyone's business including yours.
> ...


I don't normally respond to "constructive feedback" such as this, but this is harsh, since you have not walked a mile in my shoes. My ex is NOT the primary parent, it's split (as I said) with joint decision making. My marriage ended because she was unfaithful. I went through a ton of hurt being with her.

Not only that, but I am the only real parent in the picture right now. I spend quality time every single day I have my son, the ex sticks him in front of the TV or makes him play alone in his room all the time. I got him involved in sports, I take him out, I encourage and support new hobbies, I talk about what he is going through with him. 

I worked my ass off for nearly 9 years for the company I worked for and I received stellar reviews, letters of recognition from colleagues and clients. Since my divorce, my performance did start to slip and yes, I made some really idiotic mistakes. My head is not in it most of the time even though I work very hard putting in 50+ hours a week to get paid for 40. My divorce was devastating to me and I became suicidal, so no, that isn't an excuse, it's reality for me. But thank you for being so judgmental.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

I want to thank everyone for the helpful replies thus far. You guys are great, as usual.

I am very appreciative. I have already started to job hunt and I plan to continue to pay child-support since I should be able to manage until I get a new job. Thankfully, I have a small amount of savings and no debt to speak of.

I just filed for Unemployment Insurance, and I am not sure what else to do. I just need to figure out what to do about health insurance to see if I can even afford it for any length of time. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder last year, so I need to make sure I do not lapse on treatment.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Clawed said:


> I want to thank everyone for the helpful replies thus far. You guys are great, as usual.
> 
> I am very appreciative. I have already started to job hunt and I plan to continue to pay child-support since I should be able to manage until I get a new job. Thankfully, I have a small amount of savings and no debt to speak of.
> 
> I just filed for Unemployment Insurance, and I am not sure what else to do. I just need to figure out what to do about health insurance to see if I can even afford it for any length of time. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder last year, so I need to make sure I do not lapse on treatment.


If you have copies of your good performance reviews, I would submit them with your unemployment claim. Did you take any FMLA for your depression? or was your employer aware of your medical condition? 

(HR questions to help you with your claim process)


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I had a good friend get laid off from a small start up company once. He put a really bright driving light on the front of his truck, packed it with camping gear, filed for unemployment, and went on a Canada/USA ROAD TRIP. Was gone for months. Man...did he have a great time. And by the time he was back, getting laid off was the furthest thing from his mind!


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

mablenc said:


> If you have copies of your good performance reviews, I would submit them with your unemployment claim. Did you take any FMLA for your depression? or was your employer aware of your medical condition?
> 
> (HR questions to help you with your claim process)


I have copies of everything. I have a huge folder full of my reviews, accomplishments, praise I received from all of my supervisors and customers over the years. I was a really good employee. I thought I still was. Since my divorce last year though, my manager said she noticed a change in me even though I felt I was working every bit as hard, or harder than before since I then NEEDED my job, whereas, I was a little complacent before that time. I did start making mistakes though, and it was all that was needed to justify firing me, I guess. 

I took sick time last year when I admitted myself into the hospital for suicidal thoughts. My boss knew a bit of my personal life, because I decided to share some details with her (probably a bad idea looking back on it). But I thought it was fair since I was taking time from work. I only took the couple of days I was in the hospital and a couple additional days afterwards. I did not submit for FMLA, I did not use it as an excuse to not go to work. In my mind, I knew working was a key to maintaining my sanity and dignity.

I just submitted an unemployment app. online, so I will have to figure out how to strengthen my claim with this information.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> I had a good friend get laid off from a small start up company once. He put a really bright driving light on the front of his truck, packed it with camping gear, filed for unemployment, and went on a Canada/USA ROAD TRIP. Was gone for months. Man...did he have a great time. And by the time he was back, getting laid off was the furthest thing from his mind!


This sounds like a good idea, if I did not have my son, I would in a heartbeat! I never took any major vacations while I was married or employed. Come to think of it... I never did anything for myself or to take care of my mental well-being.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Clawed said:


> I have copies of everything. I have a huge folder full of my reviews, accomplishments, praise I received from all of my supervisors and customers over the years. I was a really good employee. I thought I still was. Since my divorce last year though, my manager said she noticed a change in me even though I felt I was working every bit as hard, or harder than before since I then NEEDED my job, whereas, I was a little complacent before that time. I did start making mistakes though, and it was all that was needed to justify firing me, I guess.
> 
> I took sick time last year when I admitted myself into the hospital for suicidal thoughts. My boss knew a bit of my personal life, because I decided to share some details with her (probably a bad idea looking back on it). But I thought it was fair since I was taking time from work. I only took the couple of days I was in the hospital and a couple additional days afterwards. I did not submit for FMLA, I did not use it as an excuse to not go to work. In my mind, I knew working was a key to maintaining my sanity and dignity.
> 
> I just submitted an unemployment app. online, so I will have to figure out how to strengthen my claim with this information.


Your supervisor failed to notify HR, the hospital stays would have been enough to trigger an FMLA qualifying even. If they have over 50 employees they are by law required to offer it to you.

You could have taken FMLA and gotten better rather than pushing through it. It would have protected your job for up to 12 weeks.

I would bring this up to the labor division if I were you, you superior should have notified HR, it is and was up to you to take it or not, but they failed to notify you of your rights from what i read.


Did they put you in a performance improving plan? or did they ask you what was going on in regards to your performance prior?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Clawed said:


> This sounds like a good idea, if I did not have my son, I would in a heartbeat! I never took any major vacations while I was married or employed. Come to think of it... I never did anything for myself or to take care of my mental well-being.


sounds like you have some legal stuff to wade thru, but maybe in 2 or 3 months?? I tell you, he really had a time of his life. Even if you only do a 3 week one...if not now, when will you ever get to do it? 

He had tales of the mounties grilling him up at the artic circle, because "normal" people just do not get that far north without being fugitives from the law. He had tales of sandrail riding in Oregon. Buds he met in SF. and on and on.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Your supervisor failed to notify HR, the hospital stays would have been enough to trigger an FMLA qualifying even. If they have over 50 employees they are by law required to offer it to you.
> 
> You could have taken FMLA and gotten better rather than pushing through it. It would have protected your job for up to 12 weeks.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I worked for a major financial institution. FMLA was never given as an option, if I recall. Honestly, I don't even know what the requirements are for it to be considered FMLA - all I know is that I would have needed to be on leave for more than 3 consecutive days, which I was. A few months following my hospital stay, I was forcefully transferred to another branch location. I retained the same boss though. She positioned it to me like it would be good for me to shake things up a bit. Unfortunately, I went to a much busier branch, and I had lapses in judgment because the workload was much greater and I was still dealing with my personal life struggles with the divorce and subsequent depression. Two months ago, I was finally put on an action plan, but it was more like "immediate probation" for which I was not allowed to make ANY mistakes at all for six straight months following, otherwise I would be terminated. A week ago, I brought my own cash drawer key home overnight, which used to be the norm anyway until policy had recently changed, and I was fired for that even though it did not pose any risk at all to the bank. My performance has not been stellar for at least a year, but I still worked very hard.

I think maybe this was all meant to be... I have needed to go back and finish school anyway. Maybe now is the time to do exactly that. But I am very grateful for the advice *mablenc*, I am guessing I should contact HR then?

Sounds amazing *murphy5*, I need to do something. I think I just need to clear my head and refocus my efforts on what I want to accomplish in life. I can stay local to do that even. I live in Arizona and there is so much to do here that I have not done yet, I gave all of my time and attention to my family, which I don't regret, but I gave so much that I exhausted myself and threw away any other ambitions I might have had. I own[ed] my own photography business, so maybe I can start that up again in the meantime to keep myself busy and generate a little bit of income at least.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't know what's required for getting unemployment insurance down there, but up here, you'll lose benefits if you're not actively looking for work. Don't jeopradize your finances just to let loose for too long. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

PBear said:


> I don't know what's required for getting unemployment insurance down there, but up here, you'll lose benefits if you're not actively looking for work. Don't jeopradize your finances just to let loose for too long.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am already actively looking for work. I lost my job Thursday and I put my resume together and started submitting apps over the weekend. I had a few loose ends to tie up today with other things, but I will be submitting apps to several other financial institutions in the area by tonight. I refuse to sit on my butt for even a week, though from what I have read, it's important to give yourself a bit of time to reflect and pull yourself together (usually for a week) and then hit it with everything you've got.

It's been so long that I have had to look for work that I don't even know the best way to do so - so, if anyone has any advice in this area, I would be open to that as well!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Clawed said:


> I am already actively looking for work. I lost my job Thursday and I put my resume together and started submitting apps over the weekend. I had a few loose ends to tie up today with other things, but I will be submitting apps to several other financial institutions in the area by tonight. I refuse to sit on my butt for even a week, though from what I have read, it's important to give yourself a bit of time to reflect and pull yourself together (usually for a week) and then hit it with everything you've got.
> 
> It's been so long that I have had to look for work that I don't even know the best way to do so - so, if anyone has any advice in this area, I would be open to that as well!


Sounds like you're doing the right things. I was just referring to running off to Alaska and stuff. Great to think about, but not necessarily practical. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Clawed said:


> Yeah, I worked for a major financial institution. FMLA was never given as an option, if I recall. Honestly, I don't even know what the requirements are for it to be considered FMLA - all I know is that I would have needed to be on leave for more than 3 consecutive days, which I was. A few months following my hospital stay, I was forcefully transferred to another branch location. I retained the same boss though. She positioned it to me like it would be good for me to shake things up a bit. Unfortunately, I went to a much busier branch, and I had lapses in judgment because the workload was much greater and I was still dealing with my personal life struggles with the divorce and subsequent depression. Two months ago, I was finally put on an action plan, but it was more like "immediate probation" for which I was not allowed to make ANY mistakes at all for six straight months following, otherwise I would be terminated. A week ago, I brought my own cash drawer key home overnight, which used to be the norm anyway until policy had recently changed, and I was fired for that even though it did not pose any risk at all to the bank. My performance has not been stellar for at least a year, but I still worked very hard.
> 
> I think maybe this was all meant to be... I have needed to go back and finish school anyway. Maybe now is the time to do exactly that. But I am very grateful for the advice *mablenc*, I am guessing I should contact HR then?
> 
> Sounds amazing *murphy5*, I need to do something. I think I just need to clear my head and refocus my efforts on what I want to accomplish in life. I can stay local to do that even. I live in Arizona and there is so much to do here that I have not done yet, I gave all of my time and attention to my family, which I don't regret, but I gave so much that I exhausted myself and threw away any other ambitions I might have had. I own[ed] my own photography business, so maybe I can start that up again in the meantime to keep myself busy and generate a little bit of income at least.


No do not contact their company HR, I would state this in your unemployment claim and contact the Wage and Hour division http://www.dol.gov/wecanhelp/howtofilecomplaint.htm

here is an overview of FMLA 
http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/fmla-faqs.htm


You may also see if you can meet with an employment lawyer for free, may do. See if you have a case. 

They should have offered you FMLA if you qualify, based on your post, there are over 50 employees and you had been there for over a year.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

mablenc said:


> No do not contact their company HR, I would state this in your unemployment claim and contact the Wage and Hour division http://www.dol.gov/wecanhelp/howtofilecomplaint.htm
> 
> here is an overview of FMLA
> http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/fmla-faqs.htm
> ...


You are so extremely helpful, I can't thank you enough!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Clawed said:


> I don't normally respond to "constructive feedback" such as this, but this is harsh, since you have not walked a mile in my shoes. My ex is NOT the primary parent, it's split (as I said) with joint decision making. My marriage ended because she was unfaithful. I went through a ton of hurt being with her.
> 
> Not only that, but I am the only real parent in the picture right now. I spend quality time every single day I have my son, the ex sticks him in front of the TV or makes him play alone in his room all the time. I got him involved in sports, I take him out, I encourage and support new hobbies, I talk about what he is going through with him.
> 
> I worked my ass off for nearly 9 years for the company I worked for and I received stellar reviews, letters of recognition from colleagues and clients. Since my divorce, my performance did start to slip and yes, I made some really idiotic mistakes. My head is not in it most of the time even though I work very hard putting in 50+ hours a week to get paid for 40. My divorce was devastating to me and I became suicidal, so no, that isn't an excuse, it's reality for me. But thank you for being so judgmental.


I was being sincere Clawed. I'm sure you want honest feedback. Maybe I'm some judgmental internet guy to you who says mean things to everyone. That's not the case. I read your thread post and it sounds like you're slinging blame and justification in all directions. Lots of facts that aren't relevant like whether her parents are helping her or not. It's not relevant to you're responsibility as a father. Some jealousy about her living in a nice place which also doesn't change your responsibility as a father. And worrying about your kids living conditions being better at him mom's house than yours. I don't think you're giving them enough credit. You're their dad and they're going to love you no matter if you're living in a card board box.

So you finally get to your question at the end about petitioning the court to reduce child support. Well if it's temporarily required until you find work again then yes you should do that. But you've listed a bunch of irrelevant facts trying to support your question. What if she's living in a fancy place and her parents are giving her money still when you get another job? You'll still be mad. Are you going to pay child support then or instead say that you shouldn't have to pay it because you're struggling and she's doing fine? Read your opening post as if you don't know who wrote it. 

So yea if it were my son asking me these questions framed the way you framed them, I would make sure he knew that being a father means supporting his kids emotionally and also financially. And I would be 100% sincere. So you got my best intention whether I'm right or not and whether it's well received or not. Your kids deserve your best.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> I was being sincere Clawed. I'm sure you want honest feedback. Maybe I'm some judgmental internet guy to you who says mean things to everyone. That's not the case. I read your thread post and it sounds like you're slinging blame and justification in all directions. Lots of facts that aren't relevant like whether her parents are helping her or not. It's not relevant to you're responsibility as a father. Some jealousy about her living in a nice place which also doesn't change your responsibility as a father. And worrying about your kids living conditions being better at him mom's house than yours. I don't think you're giving them enough credit. You're their dad and they're going to love you no matter if you're living in a card board box.
> 
> So you finally get to your question at the end about petitioning the court to reduce child support. Well if it's temporarily required until you find work again then yes you should do that. But you've listed a bunch of irrelevant facts trying to support your question. What if she's living in a fancy place and her parents are giving her money still when you get another job? You'll still be mad. Are you going to pay child support then or instead say that you shouldn't have to pay it because you're struggling and she's doing fine? Read your opening post as if you don't know who wrote it.
> 
> So yea if it were my son asking me these questions framed the way you framed them, I would make sure he knew that being a father means supporting his kids emotionally and also financially. And I would be 100% sincere. So you got my best intention whether I'm right or not and whether it's well received or not. Your kids deserve your best.


Okay, I get your point about my opening post, and I agree those things I mentioned are irrelevant. But you are the one who is still stuck on them. I don't have to prove I am the better parent to you, my son hates going home to his mom's... he was in tears about having to do so today, enough said. Am I a bit jealous that things seem to be going swimmingly for a woman who cheated and was emotionally unsupportive of me during marriage... hell yes I am. But you are talking like I am not being a real dad. My friend, I question whether you know what that means yourself. I am living it every single day, I am 100% vested in my son's life and his future, and that includes financially. I just hit a rough patch and it's because I want to provide for him to the best of my ability, that I am scrambling to find a new job just so I can give him the best I can give. And I'm slinging blame and justification in all directions? Yeah, I would love to see your response to being cheated on and then your sig. other kidnapping your kid. She is lucky to have custody at all - but thankfully, I realize the importance of him having both parents in his life in equal measure. I gave up school just so I could be a devoted dad once we started a family. Also, I don't give a damn about her parents helping her, if my parents were around they might do the same. It only comes to light now because I have no income now. I did not care before, but it's difficult to see the injustice of the whole scenario. I don't think cheaters should be able to walk away and pretend like nothing ever happened and her parents not to at least have the decency to show some tough love. Cheaters are the most vile creatures I have ever known - so I'll admit, I want to see karma beat her down a bit.

Oh, and by the way, she is going to be required to provide receipt of payments that she made to his school - so it does concern me. That part of it is stipulated in the decree, so again, don't pretend like you know the situation. Since it's not technically mandatory child support, it's tax deductible for me too as education / child care expenses, so you better believe I want proof of payment.

Ahh, and another thing. Her standard of living might be relevant as well. If she received a significant promotion or raise at her job, that should directly affect the financial obligations of each parent. It sounds petty, but what's fair is fair and CS should mirror the parent's individual earning power. Will I make absolute sure to take care of my son independent of the outcome, you damn well better believe I will, because though you think I am trying to shirk my financial obligations, that could not be further from the truth. It's the dead beat dads who intentionally quit their jobs or take a grossly underpaying job to try to reduce their payments that give the rest of us a bad name - CB


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Clawed said:


> I need to do something. I think I just need to clear my head and refocus my efforts on what I want to accomplish in life. I can stay local to do that even. I live in Arizona and there is so much to do here that I have not done yet, I gave all of my time and attention to my family, which I don't regret, but I gave so much that I exhausted myself and threw away any other ambitions I might have had. I own[ed] my own photography business, so maybe I can start that up again in the meantime to keep myself busy and generate a little bit of income at least.


well, do it before you get another job. The biggest mistakes I ever did in life were to run to my next job, in stead of taking time off. 

People from Europe will tell you, if you vacation you need at least 6 weeks at it. The first two weeks you are just unwinding. Then next two weeks you are starting to enjoy yourself. The last two weeks, you are finally on vacation! With all the things you recently went thru....I would guess more like 10 weeks minimum!! and that is a solid 10 weeks playing....not worrying and looking for a new job


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> well, do it before you get another job. The biggest mistakes I ever did in life were to run to my next job, in stead of taking time off.
> 
> People from Europe will tell you, if you vacation you need at least 6 weeks at it. The first two weeks you are just unwinding. Then next two weeks you are starting to enjoy yourself. The last two weeks, you are finally on vacation! With all the things you recently went thru....I would guess more like 10 weeks minimum!! and that is a solid 10 weeks playing....not worrying and looking for a new job


I'm not going to lie, I love the sound of this. If I had ten weeks of cash reserves to spend on living it up, there is pretty much no question I would. I can go that long without a job, but not much more, you know with living expenses and child support.

Right now, I am actually looking into going to back to school as well. If I finish my degree, and I will have much more potential earning power. Right now, my marketable skills are decent, but I don't have the degree to make me a truly desirable asset.

I will make a point to take a vacation before my next job though. I had three weeks to take this year anyway, and since I did not use it, I am sure I will get the prorated amount in my final paycheck.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

File for unemployment

Polish up your resume and start looking for a new job.

Remember, looking for a job IS a full time job (if not MORE than full time job).

If you CAN and have savings, live it up and take some time. But if not and finances are tight, I suggest above.

good luck


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