# My husband shared private pics of me....



## gingergirl

Hi, all!
I'm new to the site, but am impressed with the way it's run and with the quality of the replies in general. There doesn't seem to be a lot of the argumentative trash talking here that I've seen in other places.
I'm just looking for some input on something that happened recently. I found out that my husband has been sharing private pictures of me with a co-worker. I was against him taking them in the first place, and now I've learned my lesson about that. My confusion lies in that my husband doesn't think he did anything wrong. He views the pictures as though they are of something that belongs to him (Um, NOPE!!!) and that the decision to share them isn't mine. On top of that, he has been requesting the same kinds of pics from this co-worker. 
Am I completely out of line to be so upset? He feels that my wanting to talk about it is inappropriate, and that I should just let it go. 
Thanks!


----------



## Thound

Not cool at all. Let him know in uncertain terms that it is over the line. I will not post innocent pics of my wife on Facebook without first getting her approval.


----------



## Zookeepertomany

He is way out of line. It is very disrespectful to you and your marriage doing this without your permission.


----------



## 06Daddio08

He has no respect for you.


----------



## Prodigal

gingergirl said:


> My confusion lies in that my husband doesn't think he did anything wrong. He views the pictures as though they are of something that belongs to him (Um, NOPE!!!) and that the decision to share them isn't mine. On top of that, he has been requesting the same kinds of pics from this co-worker.


Confused? No, I don't think you are actually confused. Shocked and disgusted, yes. But confused? What other stuff has your husband pulled that indicates he doesn't respect your boundaries?

Because I gotta tell ya, what he did is big-time wrong. And a man who would show nudie or semi-nudie shots of his wife to a co-worker has some problems.

Very immature, popped into my head when I read your post.

How old is your husband anyway? The crap he is pulling at work is unprofessional, not to mention it could get him in deep doo if the boss discovers he's sharing R- or X-rated pics of his wife.

Bottom line: We don't bring our personal/private "stuff" into an office or any professional setting.

What is it about the concept he doesn't understand?


----------



## norajane

That's a huge violation of privacy and trust. Why would he do such a thing?

And on top of that, he's asking for naked pictures of his co-workers wife?

Your husband is way out of control with this fetish.


----------



## canjad80

Completely inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour. Definitely shows a lack of respect for you.


----------



## Cosmos

If my SO pulled a stunt like this on me, he'd be hearing from my lawyer.


----------



## hambone

gingergirl said:


> On top of that, he has been requesting the same kinds of pics from this co-worker.
> Am I completely out of line to be so upset?


Very disrespectful thing to do..

Him wanting his co-worker to share... makes me think that perhaps that was his ulterior motive to begin with... He want's to see pictures of the co-workers wife and was willing to use images of you as a bargaining chip...


Just a thought. 

If true... that makes double disrespectful.


----------



## thatbpguy

Destroy the images. If that means throwing out his computer, then do so. He'll get your point.

Also, I'd contact the guy he sent them to (or his wife) and request they delete them.


----------



## Phenix70

hambone said:


> Very disrespectful thing to do..
> 
> Him wanting his co-worker to share... makes me think that perhaps that was his ulterior motive to begin with... He want's to see pictures of the co-workers wife and was willing to use images of you as a bargaining ship...
> 
> 
> Just a thought.
> 
> If true... that makes double disrespectful.


That was my first thought, he used your pics from the get go in order to see naked pics of his co-worker's SO.
If he needed to see pics of strange, all he had to do was go trolling around the Internet, he didn't need to make it personal & that is the rub.
He wants to see naked pics & get off to someone he knows & that's not cool. 
No doubt there are men who MAY want to do that, but they don't actually go through with it. 
The whole thing has a sordid, seedy & creepy feeling to it.


----------



## gingergirl

Thanks for the input!
As far as other things he's done that were disrespectful, there are some. I try not to dwell on them, though, because I don't think it will solve anything.
To answer some of your questions, he's 42 and we've been together for almost 20 years now (married for 17). He is the boss, so he doesn't have to worry about getting in trouble on that end. The co-worker he showed the pics to is a friend of my brother and someone we see socially on occasion. I've known him and his wife since we were kids. It's bad enough that he shared them, but now I can't look these people in the eye.
As far as him finding pics online, he already does that. It bothers me, but he can't hear what I'm saying when I try to explain why. I understand that I'm not what I was 20 years ago, so I guess I can see why he likes to look. Still bugs me, though. 
I just want to get to the point where I can move on from this. It has really damaged my trust in him. He says it was a spur of the moment decision, and he wishes he could undo it. I don't see how it could have been, since he had to find the pics to share them.
Anyway, thanks again for the comments! It makes me feel a little more sane!


----------



## Theseus

What kind of private pictures are you talking about?

I assume they were nudes. If they were, I can understand why you are upset. 

But if they were bikini photos or an ultrasound you had while you were pregnant, then I think you are overreacting.


----------



## Prodigal

gingergirl said:


> As far as other things he's done that were disrespectful, there are some. I try not to dwell on them, though, because I don't think it will solve anything.


Okay, his disrespect for you wishes/desires/boundaries has probably been an issue. Fine by me if you don't want to dwell on whatever those situations may be. But you are minimizing.



gingergirl said:


> To answer some of your questions, he's 42 and we've been together for almost 20 years now (married for 17). He is the boss, so he doesn't have to worry about getting in trouble on that end.


Okay, I'll bite. Your husband has done stuff before that has caused you embarrassment, a sense of being violated boundary-wise, and you have put up with this for many years. There is something about the phrasing of your responses that doesn't quite jibe. Not to say that there haven't been folks on here before who have discussed behaviors that seem to be more common among those much younger. Still .... 




gingergirl said:


> As far as him finding pics online, he already does that. It bothers me, but he can't hear what I'm saying when I try to explain why. I understand that I'm not what I was 20 years ago, so I guess I can see why he likes to look. Still bugs me, though.


It doesn't sound like it "bugs" you all that much. Seriously. You have been married to this man for 17 years. He can't hear what you are saying? I dunno ... how many years does he have to treat you like sh!t? You accept it because you no longer have the body of a 25 year old woman? C'mon ... I don't have that body any longer either, but what does that have to do with giving a husband a free pass to look or pass around photos of you to his work buddies?

Are you serious? Because I'll tell you this: he doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself.

I think the more important issue here is for you to figure out why you just suck up this type of nonsense. For a 42-year-old man, he sounds more like a teenager. And your acceptance of this crap? I dunno ... but something just doesn't "sound" right here.


----------



## Catherine602

Are you really asking this?? Do you really think that your husband has the right to treat you like his sex comotidy. Woman up and recognize you are not his sex doll. Throw his azz out he cant be trusted. 

You cannot trust this man in your house. Let him know that you have no intention of getting naked in his presence. If the pictures are his to show around then your body is yours to share with someone who appreciates and respects you. You don't wish to share with his friends. 

He needs therapy. Make that a condition of building trust, letting him back into your life and continuing the marriage. You need some IC if you don't recognize this as a violation of your privacy and your trust. 

A man who shows pictures of his wife to strangers is has a big problem. I don't know if you will ever be able to trust him. He is an exhibitionist but he is too much of a creep to show himself. 

Better look for hidden camera's and videos of you on his computer. Investigate with out his knowledge. He may be filming your sex encounters and posting them on the internet.


----------



## Stonewall

He is using you as an offering to his buddy. He wants to see his buddies wifes pics so he shows you off first. Quid pro Quo.


----------



## TCSRedhead

My ex did this. It's why he's an ex. Terrible violation of your trust.


----------



## larry.gray

TCSRedhead said:


> My ex did this. It's why he's an ex. Terrible violation of your trust.


Welll, it would be weird to like you post because it would seem that I liked what happened to you and I most certainly don't.

But I do like that you stood up for yourself and didn't take this treatment.


----------



## inquizitivemind

OMG. What happened to men being a little jealous when a man was slobbering over his wife? Are you serious that he doesn't understand what the big deal is? He is your husband. He should protect you from unwanted attention! No, you did not overreact. Get rid of those pics and don't give him anymore. He better be sleeping on the sofa for a week!


----------



## lapdog

Theseus said:


> What kind of private pictures are you talking about?
> 
> I assume they were nudes. If they were, I can understand why you are upset.
> But if they were bikini photos or an ultrasound you had while you were pregnant, then I think you are overreacting.


I disagree. Even if they were something as innocuous as bikini shots (which they obviously aren't), it is the sleaze factor in the reason for his sharing that tells you his intentions are clearly out of bounds. 
It kind of sounds like there has been a history of him not having any respect for you, but for whatever reason, you have chosen to stay with him, so I would not assume that I should suggest that you leave now. Doubt if he would go to counseling with you, but you may consider some help for yourself, before the anger becomes self destructive.
As for the pics, I would definitely destroy them if on a computer, even if it means being sure that your info is backed onto a remote drive, then wiping the hard drive clean. As for his cell phone, it would be a tragedy if it somehow "must have been forgotten in his jeans pocket" and went through two washings on the extra long cycle.:smthumbup:
It is a shame when a partner cannot just enjoy some private naughtiness as it was intended. Good luck.


----------



## Miss F

He shouldn't be sending pics of you to people you don't even know, let alone private ones. He seems untrustworthy, especially if he is wants the same kind of pics from the co-worker.


----------



## tm84

His behavior is way out of line and incredibly disrespectful of you and your marriage. That he shared private photos of you with someone else is bad enough, but that they also know someone close to you and your relationship with them is tarnished is even worse. Not to mention that he has been disrespectful in the past.

If I had acted the way your husband is doing, my wife would have read me the riot act and filed for divorce quicker than lightning. I don't know all of your situation, but you may want to pursue counseling for yourself, at the very least.


----------



## weightlifter

Never mind ownership.

So far over the line.


----------



## Fozzy

Fish a pair of his dirtier undies out of the laundry and hang them from the nearest flagpole.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

gingergirl said:


> Hi, all!
> I'm new to the site, but am impressed with the way it's run and with the quality of the replies in general. There doesn't seem to be a lot of the argumentative trash talking here that I've seen in other places.
> I'm just looking for some input on something that happened recently. I found out that my husband has been sharing private pictures of me with a co-worker. I was against him taking them in the first place, and now I've learned my lesson about that. My confusion lies in that my husband doesn't think he did anything wrong. He views the pictures as though they are of something that belongs to him (Um, NOPE!!!) and that the decision to share them isn't mine. On top of that, he has been requesting the same kinds of pics from this co-worker.
> Am I completely out of line to be so upset? He feels that my wanting to talk about it is inappropriate, and that I should just let it go.
> Thanks!


Some how get him to take a cold shower, or skinny dip, have your phone ready. Take a pic of him as his "smallest" and then say. Oh the pictures are mine. I'm going to go share them with everyone. See his response.

GOD I HATE HYPOCRITES!!!

Seriously. Take some compromising pictures of him and tell him in no uncertain terms. If he does it again, you'll do it too.


----------



## Justme2

I personally believe sharing intimate pictures like this invites others into your personal life and relationship. By him wanting pictures of other women naked shows that he doesn't really respect you. I believe that a guy shouldn't have to want to see another lady naked.. he shouldn't also have to have YOU tell him to not show your pics to other men. He should do this out of respect for you as his wife. As


----------



## Sanity

Your husband is a pig. Let a lawyer make bacon out of him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Sanity

No man with normal sexual/mental functions shares his wife with other men. You just don't do that. He treated you like an ex GF in college. Time to get all pics destroyed and start making some decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mrsmithy

I've just stumbled across this thread and hopefully the OP is still about and reading results.

I fully expect a series of replies disgusted at my behaviour but essentially I am the husband in a relationship which has gone through the same issue. Our situation is a bit different - I shared my wife's intimate photos with a stranger online and they ended up being posted on an adult site. They were up for about a year until she found out. We've been in counselling since then.

Firstly, I know what i did was a terrible betrayal if trust. I have to live with myself every day knowing that I violated the one person I care most about in the world. I'm eternally grateful that my wife has given me another chance.

The reason for my posting is to to try to explain (but in no way excuse) your husband's behaviour. Firstly I very much doubt that he shared photos with his colleague in order to see pics of the colleague's wife. It sounds to me that your husband has candaulism - essentially a fetish for showing you off. This is what I had and it came from thinking that my wife was stunning and therefore wanting her to be seen. I got my thrill from hearing what people had to say about her and how they wanted to have her.

It may well be that your husband desires to share you sexually. Candaulism is quite often related to desires about the 'good wife' becoming sexually open.

I'm not going to advise you about what to do with your relationship. However, there are a couple of things that I think are important. Firstly, your husband has a form of sex addiction and needs counselling. I'm glad to say that it does work and he can manage the addiction.

Secondly, for your own piece of mind, you need to ensure that, if you don't want them shared, the photos are not only deleted but you also check online to make sure that your husband hasn't posted any of your pictures on one of the wife sharing sites.

The final thing I would say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. This is something I have to remind my wife of. Posing for intimate photos is ok. Being a sexual woman is ok. The fault is entirely your husband's as it was mine. The general '**** shaming' in our society is deeply unpleasant.

I hope this has been useful.


----------



## Decorum

mrsmithy said:


> I've just stumbled across this thread and hopefully the OP is still about and reading results.
> 
> I fully expect a series of replies disgusted at my behaviour but essentially I am the husband in a relationship which has gone through the same issue. Our situation is a bit different - I shared my wife's intimate photos with a stranger online and they ended up being posted on an adult site. They were up for about a year until she found out. We've been in counselling since then.
> 
> Firstly, I know what i did was a terrible betrayal if trust. I have to live with myself every day knowing that I violated the one person I care most about in the world. I'm eternally grateful that my wife has given me another chance.
> 
> The reason for my posting is to to try to explain (but in no way excuse) your husband's behaviour. Firstly I very much doubt that he shared photos with his colleague in order to see pics of the colleague's wife. It sounds to me that your husband has candaulism - essentially a fetish for showing you off. This is what I had and it came from thinking that my wife was stunning and therefore wanting her to be seen. I got my thrill from hearing what people had to say about her and how they wanted to have her.
> 
> It may well be that your husband desires to share you sexually. Candaulism is quite often related to desires about the 'good wife' becoming sexually open.
> 
> I'm not going to advise you about what to do with your relationship. However, there are a couple of things that I think are important. Firstly, your husband has a form of sex addiction and needs counselling. I'm glad to say that it does work and he can manage the addiction.
> 
> Secondly, for your own piece of mind, you need to ensure that, if you don't want them shared, the photos are not only deleted but you also check online to make sure that your husband hasn't posted any of your pictures on one of the wife sharing sites.
> 
> The final thing I would say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. This is something I have to remind my wife of. Posing for intimate photos is ok. Being a sexual woman is ok. The fault is entirely your husband's as it was mine. The general '**** shaming' in our society is deeply unpleasant.
> 
> I hope this has been useful.


mrsmithy,
Thank you for sharing this, it opens somthig up that i doubt is much talked about.

Take care!


----------

