# convincing her to grasp the concept more seriously?



## IsItme71 (Dec 9, 2012)

I am a 43 year old Husband of 25 years and a Dad of two! Like anything else, taste either evolves or turns, grows differently I'm not sure, but for the last few years I have begun to find myself enjoying treating my wife as my Queen!

I love the thought that among all the outgoing things I do outside the home, that I have even have time, I cook, clean, laundry take kids to sports and this is daily. Our sex life has been great over the years, and I am devoted to her, I have slowly introduced "my kinks" over the years but I have also found my type of kinks evolving if you will.

We have done some altered BDSM, Role Playing that comfortable with both of us, I always flower my wife with gifts, clothes, shoes and most of all, I buy all her Lingerie. I have introduced pegging also into our relationship, I don't watch porn anymore and she never has watched it but I look at stills and animated gifs. She works with these things but doesn't seem to take a serious approach and more so than others its always seems akward!

Over the years I have developed a self drive to make sure that she always get Multiple Big O's during love making, buy anymeans, regardless if I have spent or not! My issue is I am developing an greater expectation for some sort of gratitude for my daily routine that has put her in a position where she does very little other than just working! I love what I do for her and my family but my question I guess is how do I get her more interested in adding a little thank you time in any form other than our routine Saturday Night Evening! 

Any positive advice please, not looking for arguments or what people perceive is right or wrong, I have read great advice on these threads and just reaching out for some support! 
Thank you!
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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Sorry, but your post is vague enough that I think I need a little clarification. If you're this vague about your desires with your wife, it may be that she just honestly doesn't _understand_ exactly what you want and how serious it is to you.

Is the issue that you want to have sex with your wife more often? Is it that you want to bring your current level of kink up a few notches? Or is it that you want to include the kink in more of your sexual sessions?


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## IsItme71 (Dec 9, 2012)

Sorry, I tried to put enough in their without writing a book! But yes, to all three of your questions!
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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

I may be Captain Obvious here but have you sat her down and just discussed your feelings with her? Sometimes direct, honest, caring and open listening works wonders. Or so I've heard......


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I went and read your one and only other post from 2012. This time you have been more clear than last time, but still it isn't that clear.

I think what you are really getting at though, just can't be done. You can't make someone or convince someone to "grasp" your kink more seriously. Your kink isn't doing it for her the way you want it to. You can't create that desire in her if it isn't there. She can join you and it sounds like she has been doing so (sometimes at least?) and that's really cool of her actually. But you can't make her like it, want more of it, or be more into it.

On your side of the fence you need to understand more about kink itself, so that you can understand that you have no choice but to accept that your kink just ain't her thing, baby. Self-aware kinksters understand this and there are no hard feelings about it, because it is nothing personal against you (any you) if someone else is or isn't into your kinks.

So - be happy for what she is participating in and ask for more, but don't expect more because whatever she can give you sounds genuine.

Basically what I think you are saying is that you are submissive and you want her to dominate you, but you don't want to have to tell her that you just want her to do it in true dominating form...this is something many submissives have a problem with. The actual saying-it-out-loud part seems horrible to people sometimes. But in your case, even if you say it out loud or louder, you still have to grasp that you cannot make someone else get into YOUR kink.


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## IsItme71 (Dec 9, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I went and read your one and only other post from 2012. This time you have been more clear than last time, but still it isn't that clear.
> 
> I think what you are really getting at though, just can't be done. You can't make someone or convince someone to "grasp" your kink more seriously. Your kink isn't doing it for her the way you want it to. You can't create that desire in her if it isn't there. She can join you and it sounds like she has been doing so (sometimes at least?) and that's really cool of her actually. But you can't make her like it, want more of it, or be more into it.
> 
> ...


OK, let me see if I can answer a few questions!
Yes she has been indulged into these kinks, and thats awesome, but she only opens it up to saturday nights, and frankly 3 times a month is not enough! I don't look at myself as a submissive but more possibly as a switch, I have always ran my household but as a devoted spouse I take care of my woman! But raising young boys and hours of work through the week make things rough, and as i have explored some of these kinks over the years i have actually found something that allowes me to let go of daily life stress maintaining the lifestyle for my family that i refuse to let them worry about, but "can't never gets nothing unless you try"! That's the problem, I have expressed verbally, texts, love notes with fantasy letters and even as much as putting my sexy under wear in her purse, but their is never a follow up return or conversation about any of it unless its done during sat night!
This just isn't about the kinks but any of our intimacy in general! This is where I get locked up!
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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I just Googled "Pegging." Not even with a gun at my head. Sorry dude, your on your own.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well you can't "make her grasp" the intimacy in general, either. If she isn't picking up all the rope you are dropping for her, it is because she's not as sexual as you are, most likely. She isn't going to change this about herself either, just as you are not going to change and become less sexual.

So you have the typical mismatch problem that most other people in this forum have.

And the typical answer to that problem is: ask for change, ask for counseling, then if no change, either accept her as she is or be prepared to leave over it if you can't accept it.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

You don't get what you don't ask for ... and ...you don't get everything you ask for. I have the reverse of you, I am alot more kinky than hubs but in actuality if he was as kinky as me we would probable never leave the house..:-D. I think life has its own checks and balances....you have to find the compromise between your desire and hers...the happy medium. I can't make big guy into what I want, I can only encourage him along for the ride. I would start with better understanding her needs and desires...then work with what you learn to bring her along.
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