# Absolutely No Power



## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

My husband has been have an affair--I'm not sure if physical or emotional--with another woman for over a year. I just recently found out, for example, that in two weeks he exchanged more than 460 texts with her. He says they are just friends. (Of course, he would either way.)
Our marriage is on the rocks. We got into a huge fight over our taxes, and I started researching options to sell the house. He thought that meant I wanted a divorce and...more fights. 
I moved out of our bedroom.
Since then we have calmed down, and talked quite a bit. But he says he sees no point in trying to make our marriage work because our personalities just can't work together.
However, over the past three or so months he has never left or spoken of leaving.
I asked him for a 6 month trial, and he says he just doesn't know what he wants. He says he needs a few days to think about what he wants.
Is there any hope at all? 
I'm thinking that my best approach at this point is the 180 plan (which is tough, because all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.)


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You could post in the Coping with Infidelity section also.

Why do you say you have no power?? He is the one cheating on you. Do you see any reason to find out exactly what he's up to? Do YOU want to try to stay with HIM? Why are you letting him call the shots here? Don't ASK him things, TELL him things. And yeah, the 180 plan is good, because whether you end up with him or not, you've improved yourself.

I'm sorry you're married to a cheater. It sucks


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

When people tell you the truth you should listen. Right now your hsuband is cake eating. He gets the girlfriend and the security of still being married. He has no motivation to DO anything. Moving out of the bedroom only made his life easier. He now thinks it's an unspoken open marriage.

Your thread title is wrong. You have power you are just choosing not to use it. You have handed your husband your power on a silver platter. Why is it up to HIM to decide? Do you really want this man? He doesn't want you.


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## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

You're right--I do have the option to leave. 
What I don't have is the option to try and fix things, at least until he decides if he wants to.
That's not quite the same thing as no power, just not the power to do what I want. But, as my father is so fond of saying, whoever told you life was fair? Sometimes we don't get the power to do what we want.
Rereading the 180 plan right now. Sounds like fake it til you make it.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Luonnotar said:


> he says he sees no point in trying to make our marriage work because our personalities just can't work together.


Sounds like he has made his decision to me. 

He is banging some other woman and making statements like this to you? As mentioned previously, he is having his cake and eating it too. You have to ask yourself whether you can be married to a man like this. By his actions and statements, he has no respect for you or your marriage.

I think the 180 will be a waste of time for you. I would see a lawyer and learn your rights.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I agree the 180 would be a waste of time. Time to lawyer up, gather evidence of the cheating and take him to the cleaners.

Oh and while you're at it GET ANGRY. 

What you want is power over others and well good luck with that. That is magical thinking at it's highest level. The only one you have power over is YOU.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Sounds like he's checked out of the marriage.

He is waiting for you to leave the marital home. I think he should leave but that is all kinds of messy - applications for new apartments, blah, blah, blah.

If you can stand the sight of him, then stay & do the 180.


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