# Emotional affair



## 69cows (Jan 18, 2013)

I recently found out the my wife of 8 years had been texting and exchanging pictures (non-nude) with another man. When I intially questioned her she lied about it, making excuses. I believed her,a s she had NEVER lied to me before. She finally admitted to me that she had been texting and calling this other man for about 6 weeks. I pleaded with her to stop, and she told me she would. Then I found out she was still in contact with him, so I told her I was leaving. She immediately began to treat me like an angel. We have entered into counseling as I am devastated. I told her I was going to call this other man and tell his wife, and she gets furious with me when I threaten to do this. Any advice?


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

yes. dont talk aabt calling the other mans wife (OMW) any more. Just do it.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

And get copies of her texts and call history and send them to the OMW as well.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

69cows said:


> I recently found out the my wife of 8 years had been texting and exchanging pictures (non-nude) with another man. When I intially questioned her she lied about it, making excuses. I believed her,a s she had NEVER lied to me before. She finally admitted to me that she had been texting and calling this other man for about 6 weeks. I pleaded with her to stop, and she told me she would. Then I found out she was still in contact with him, so I told her I was leaving. She immediately began to treat me like an angel. We have entered into counseling as I am devastated. I told her I was going to call this other man and tell his wife, and she gets furious with me when I threaten to do this. Any advice?


Follow through with the threat, only demand she leave. She left the marital home emotionally, so she can do so physically. Also, expose immediately. So long as the affair is concealed, she has absolutely no reason to end it. Emotionally, you're the other man in the situation, and her only concern is that she gets to keep conducting the affair with her reputation protected. If you want her to end the affair, you have to expose. If the OM is a co-worker, inform the place of business and tell your wife that she must seek new employment. Complete and unremitting NC, no exceptions, and utter transparency without complaint are the only sure expressions of remorse and commitment to reconciliation. If she balks at either, then her heart and mind are still with the OM. At that point, a 2x4 in the form of serving her divorce papers is your best recourse.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

If she's furious, then she's trying to protect the OM. That's not showing loyalty to you. You need to contact the OM's wife and don't tell your wife you did this. If she complains to you about the contact it will show that they are still communicating. 

BEFORE you contact the OMW, have your wife write a "No contact letter" where she tells him, in a formal, non-chatty way that what she has been doing is harmful to her marriage. She regrets the harm she caused you, and he should never contact her again unless he wants to face legal action for stalking. 

Have her show you the email and then delete his contact info. After you contact the OMW, your wife should NOT be aware it happened. If she does, then you will know that the NC letter meant nothing. If so, pack HER bags. She is in an affair and SHE should leave.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Okay seriously man WTFFFF!

Why would you tell her that you were gonna expose? So she can warn the OM and the OM can lie about you in advance to portrait you as a crazy paranoid stalker or something? Or intercept the ways of how you were gonna reach out to OMW?


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Did you see the content of the texts? Just wondering if it also went physical. You can't trust that she's telling you the truth.

Oh yeah....expose to the other man's wife. As everyone says, don't tell her. It's the right thing to do and you'll soon find out if she's still talking to the guy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So she cheated on you. And she is furious with you. 

But, you know, to a cheater, that's perfectly logical.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Expose to the omw now! Do it.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> If she's furious, then she's trying to protect the OM. That's not showing loyalty to you. You need to contact the OM's wife and don't tell your wife you did this. If she complains to you about the contact it will show that they are still communicating.
> 
> BEFORE you contact the OMW, have your wife write a "No contact letter" where she tells him, in a formal, non-chatty way that what she has been doing is harmful to her marriage. She regrets the harm she caused you, and he should never contact her again unless he wants to face legal action for stalking.
> 
> Have her show you the email and then delete his contact info. After you contact the OMW, your wife should NOT be aware it happened. If she does, then you will know that the NC letter meant nothing. If so, pack HER bags. She is in an affair and SHE should leave.


69cows,

Do this and do it now!!! Do not hesitate it is the only method that has a chance and will stop the interaction. Good luck


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

69cows said:


> I recently found out the my wife of 8 years had been texting and exchanging pictures (non-nude) with another man. When I intially questioned her she lied about it, making excuses. I believed her,a s she had NEVER lied to me before. She finally admitted to me that she had been texting and calling this other man for about 6 weeks. I pleaded with her to stop, and she told me she would. Then I found out she was still in contact with him, so I told her I was leaving. She immediately began to treat me like an angel. We have entered into counseling as I am devastated. I told her I was going to call this other man and tell his wife, and she gets furious with me when I threaten to do this. Any advice?


I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Although she always has been honest, when it concerns this man she was calling, she has never been honest. Therefore, it probably is best if you assume she is lying whenever she talks about this other man unless what she says can be independently verified or is supported by her actions. For example, she is treating you "like an angel," but becomes furious about the thought of the other man's wife finding out. Her actions conflict with her words. Other man is more important to her than you are, she is worried about him being hurt, and she is not worried that you might feel hurt because she is protecting this other man, who should mean nothing to her, over her husband, who should mean everything to her.

You haven't posted much, but you sound fairly clueless as to what went on between your wife and this other man. How much do you know for sure, other than what lies, maybe mixed with a little truth, your wife told you? 

How long and deep has been her relationship with this guy? Has she committed adultery? Why was she hiding the texts from you, then why did she lie about remaining in contact with him?

What kinds of pictures? Non-nude? Of you and the kids? Of her high school yearbook photo? Her wedding pictures? Her in seductive poses?

What was the content of the texts? Telling other man about you and kids? Complaining about you? Telling other man how much she loves him?

How frequent were the texts and what times of the day and night?

How does she know him? Did she ever meet up with him?

If your wife has been having inappropriate communications or an affair with this man, the best way to stop it is to tell the other man's wife. If you do this, it is best not to tell your wife because she will warn the other man, and he may intercept your messages or he may discredit you before you call, telling his wife to expect a call from some crazy man. If you do call his wife, it would be best if you spoke to her directly, and offer her what you know, what evidence you have.

Can you tell a little more about the background of what happened?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Nice, your old lady is protecting her boyfriend and protecting her affair.

Why is it that once we start standing up for our selve our chicks get all pissy?

Why is it when we make there little fantasy uncomfortable they get mad?

Why is it when we start making their marriage inconvienent by protecting it that get angry?

I guess we are doing something right !!!!!!!!!!!!

You can't control our old ladies but we can control what we will tolorate and no matter how upset our chicks get we will not be decieved....so they can take it or leave it.

What you did was spot on. The more pissed they get the better job you are doing in protecting your marriage. If you have kids you know exactly what I'm talking about!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey 69 cows---she doesn't get to get furious with you---she doesn't get to get anything------what needs to happen is she is to do everything and anything to get back into the mge.---if you say jump her answer is how high---she WILL do ALL the heavy lifting---that's it---she can take it, or leave the mge---Boundaries and ACTIONABLE consequences NEED TO GO IN PLACE NOW.

Your statement to her about contacting the OM's wife---should be as follows---since this guy is meaningless to you, or he had better be, if YOU (wife) doesn't wanna become single---"what's the difference whether i contact his wife or not---you have no feelings for him whatsoever"----Is that not so???

If she is done with him--then she is done with him---her becoming furious means SHE IS NOT DONE WITH HIM----you need to come down on her for that---and she needs to know---none of this is a game---and that you are DEADLY SERIOUS---SHE EITHER WANTS TO BE IN A MGE WITH YOU---OR SHE DOESN'T---which is it???????


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## 69cows (Jan 18, 2013)

I cannot find the phone number for the other mans wife, any help would be appreciated


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

69cows said:


> I cannot find the phone number for the other mans wife, any help would be appreciated


Try spokeo it's not bad.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

tom67 said:


> Try spokeo it's not bad.


Try putting his name nd number in spokeo.com, it may give his wifes information.

What do you know about this guy? Where does he live?


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## 69cows (Jan 18, 2013)

I tried spokeo, nothing


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## 69cows (Jan 18, 2013)

I want to know his wifes phone number so I can contact her. I have looked for every form of contact, facebook ect. nothing


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

If you can find out where he lives you can deliver the proof to him and his wife in person. For me, that would be very gratifying.


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## 69cows (Jan 18, 2013)

So my wife promises me she will have zero contact with the other guy, and I found an email she had sent from her phone to him. The email was giving forwarding a link to buy products for his store. I got very angry when I found the email, she said she didn't
even remember sending it, whatever!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

69cows said:


> So my wife promises me she will have zero contact with the other guy, and I found an email she had sent from her phone to him. The email was giving forwarding a link to buy products for his store. I got very angry when I found the email, she said she didn't
> even remember sending it, whatever!


Looks like she is still in full contact with him. She is using some other way to contact him. Maybe seeing him too.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

69cows said:


> So my wife promises me she will have zero contact with the other guy, and* I found an email she had sent from her phone to him.* The email was giving forwarding a link to buy products for his store. I got very angry when I found the email, she said she didn't
> even remember sending it, whatever!


Didn't she delete all his contact info? Not a good sign. 
did you see the email he sent her requesting the link? 

Dealbreaker.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

69cows said:


> So my wife promises me she will have zero contact with the other guy, and I found an email she had sent from her phone to him. The email was giving forwarding a link to buy products for his store. I got very angry when I found the email, she said she didn't
> even remember sending it, whatever!


What are the consequences for breaking her promise? You get to be angry and she gets to lie about not remembering?

I think a good consequence would be that she closes down her email account. If she can't remember sending emails that will end her marriage, she shouldn't have an email. She can tell everyone that from now on, if they really must contact her for something important via email, they can send it to you.


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## 69cows (Jan 18, 2013)

So I found out the was using the app named "text me", rather than using her phone, that way she could show me the phone bill and have nothing on it. She has not stopped the contact even though she said she would, what do I do???? She has broken my heart


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

She is not done with him and it is deeper than you think. Talk to an attorney. Let her know that you have. Do not play games with this. False R is very common. Do treat this like a full affair as it more than likely is or will be if you do not.

Do not leave, ask her to leave. Now is the time to stand your ground.

Read some of the other threads like she cheated and I hate my life and/or Three Strikes for Mrs. Mathais.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Expose this affair any way you can. Keep doing your research.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

69cows said:


> I recently found out the my wife of 8 years had been texting and exchanging pictures (non-nude) with another man. When I intially questioned her she lied about it, making excuses. I believed her,a s *she had NEVER lied to me before*. She finally admitted to me that she had been texting and calling this other man for about 6 weeks. I pleaded with her to stop, and she told me she would. Then I found out she was still in contact with him, so *I told her I was leaving*. She immediately began to treat me like an angel. We have entered into counseling as I am devastated. I told her I was going to call this other man and tell his wife, and she gets furious with me when I threaten to do this. Any advice?


1. How would you know if "she had NEVER lied" to you before? You only know you haven't CAUGHT her lying to you before.

2. Tell her you are leaving again. This time, do it, even if she starts "treating you like an angel" again.

3. If you insist on trying to reconcile with an unrepentant cheater, tell her she must give up her phone. And she gives up her Facebook and any other social networking accounts she has. I am old enough to remember when no one had a mobile phone or a social networking account, and I happen to know that EVEN NOW they are NOT a necessity, only a convenience.

4. File for divorce. Tell her you MIGHT withdraw it IF she continues to demonstrate that she HAS STOPPED CHEATING on you. And she gives up all passwords to all communication devices and accounts. And she agrees not to delete any messages. And agrees to let you know her whereabouts 24/7. This is how many, if not most, married people who are NOT cheating on each other live quite happily. For example, I don't care if my wife knows where I am or looks at my email because I have nothing to hide. Do you care if your wife knows where you are or looks at your email?

5. Tell your wife she throws other man under the bus, gives up other man and other man's wife name and contact info, or you file for divorce. And she handwrites a no contact letter to other man and ceases all contact with him now and forever. And she does not respond to any attempt he makes to contact her and she tells you about it immediately.

6. You have been TOO NICE dealing with someone who is NOT being nice to you. She is stabbing you in the back and you are just taking it. PLEASE STOP and RESPECT YOURSELF enough not to let anyone lie to your face and betray you in this way.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Kick her out if you can.
Talk to a lawyer, yesterday, file.
Expose her, to everyone who's respect she has regard.
Start detaching, 180 full force.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Kick her out if you can.
> Talk to a lawyer, yesterday, file.
> Expose her, to everyone who's respect she has regard.
> Start detaching, 180 full force.


I don't think you really have a choice but to file, sorry.


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