# How can I save this!



## marriedyrs (Feb 15, 2011)

I have been with my wife for 6 yrs. married for 2. I discovered about 7 months ago that she cheated on me right before we got married. Our sex life was not great and after the marriage it got worse. It got bad enough after marriage that I was mad at her and I cheated.. Not good I know... Once I found out she cheated I was very upset and considered telling her of my mistake but couldn’t find the words to say it I thought it would have hurt her just like I was hurt (another mistake on my part) so we went on for a few months and things seemed to get a little better. Then it went down hill all of a sudden and she asked me to move out. Reluctantly I agreed. My friends took me out a few times trying to make me feel better but all I could do was think how I wanted to fix this. Her friends started inviting her out and she meets OM. over the last few months this has turned into a full on affair. I am trying to save our marriage but she isn’t working on it at all. I finally came out with my cheat because I wanted to rebuild our relationship with trust. This was just a few weeks ago now and she is very upset that I did this and never told her. I was paying the bills up to last month and taking care of fixing this and that. After speaking to the counselor she has since told me to stop giving her money and paying the house electric and so forth. Wife says I am leaving her high and dry by not helping her with the bills. I’m not sure where to go from here to save this..


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## marriedyrs (Feb 15, 2011)

she says that she tried for the last two yrs to save our relationship, but felt she was talking to a brick wall. I think that running my own business didnt help. I didnt realize that she felt it was that bad. Now I am trying all i can to improve myself. I know the things I did wrong. But she is living it up with another man...


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I agree with your counselor, cut her off. That's life without you, you and your money.


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## marriedyrs (Feb 15, 2011)

She has always been the one to leave people when they leave her, so though I have cut her off financially, I am concerned that if I completely cut me out of her life she wont be coming back she will take it as I am done. When truth is I love her but am only done with what she is doing. I have tried to communicate this to her but she doesnt seem to get it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And if she does leave for good, and given both of your infidelities, ask yourself: do you really want to save this marriage?
Not saying to divorce, but just get yourself a good lawyer-just in case. She could always use the "cutting her off" against you. At least you don't have kids!


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## marriedyrs (Feb 15, 2011)

The only reason I am on here, Is that I want to save my marriage. I have thought it through.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

marriedyrs said:


> She has always been the one to leave people when they leave her, so though I have cut her off financially, I am concerned that if I completely cut me out of her life she wont be coming back she will take it as I am done.


This is flawed thinking and the opposite tends to be the case.

She doesn't care if you are done, she's done and WANTS you to be done (or at least _thinks _she wants that atm). You need to understand that you become much more attractive to her if she thinks you no longer want to be with her (just like you are suddenly motivated to get her back after she left you). 

Being good to her right now only enables her affair. She needs to live life without you and your support and see the flaws of the affair partner. When she can truly compare life with and without you then if there is a chance to save it she'll be the one doing it. While she's with someone else, you are fighting a losing battle. You can never compete with an AP, even if you are the perfect husband and he's a filthy hobo. 

You can't really do anything to make her want to stay with you but you can do a million things to keep her away. The goal to keep from making mistakes and the best way to do that is to go dark. This will give her a chance to miss you and you can't say or do the wrong things if you do nothing.


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