# Issues trying to get a divorce



## mcscoobs (Feb 10, 2013)

Split with my ex in September last year after 5 years of marriage. We hadn't been happy for a little while, but the final straw was her having an emotional affair with a guy for a year behind my back, which I found out about. We then spent a few months arguing constantly about this guy, the relationship became unbearable and we split.

My solicitor said it could in theory, be classed as adultery, as cheating doesn't have to be physical, but proving it in court would be a nightmare. So i'm opting for unreasonable behaviour.

I spoke to my ex the other day, to inform her I would start proceedings on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. She's told me that she will point blank refuse to sign as she's not admitting to any blame! Said that if anything, it's unreasonable behaviour on my part, for arguing with her so much (about this guy) and making her unhappy as a result! 

She said either I take the full blame and pay the full divorce fees to the court, or I wait 2 years.

What do I do? I feel like she always has the upper hand and control and it frustrates me!

We have a 4yr old and a flat together. She can't afford a solicitor or court fees (though shes on good money), that's why I was hoping we could agree and apply to the court direct, without solicitor involved. But at what point do we get the solicitor involved regarding the property?

Also, when I send off the divorce petition, at what point do I make payment?

Sorry for so many questions!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mcscoobs,

Do you live in the UK? 

You might want to do some internet searches for divorce self help in the area where you live. 

Here in the USA most of our states have a self-help website and clerk so that a person can do a lot of their own family law cases.

Why do you have to wait 2 years? Is it that there has to be fault to do a quick divorce?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Hi Mcscoobs, 

I'm a yank that was married to a brit and we lived the entire marriage in the UK. I initiated divorce from the US, citing unreasonable behaviour. Everything was done by my solicitor across the pond. It's been some years since my D and cost/procedure may be different now. 

Divorce costs a flat fee, for me £750(although since I was in the US I did not pay VAT... Lucky me) plus there are separate court fees (about £400) . 

1. You pay a retainer to your solicitor, I paid £500.

2. Once your solicitor has drafted the petition, they are sent to your wife's solicitor and the Court for issue. I was billed for the outstanding divorce balance (£250).

3. Once your wife acknowledges the petition you apply for Decree Nisi. There's a flat fee for this. (<£100)

4. Six weeks later you can apply for Decree Absolute. Pay another flat fee. I also paid the remaining court fee. 

You can have the court decide how to divide assets, or you can work this out privately between you (the latter seems less applicable to your situation). 

If you're worried about any financial aftershocks, I'd recommend you consider drafting an order by agreement, stopping either of you making financial claims against the other in the future. This is an additional cost but it depends on what's in the agreement. I paid about £800.

As the petitioner I paid all fees for my solicitor and the divorce (with the order of agreement), then my ex "reimbursed" me so our contributions were equal.

Many US people on TAM would find this to be a ridiculous bargain but my ex and I agreed on division of assets outside of the court, saving quite a bit of money. My case is not the norm. 

Unreasonable behaviour needs to have very little doubt to proceed. It must be undefended. You'll have to cite clear, specific reasons that are not refuted. It is for cases where the marriage has had a complete breakdown, where it is impossible to continue or unsafe to share a domicile. It's primary for spouses dealing with physical/verbal violence or alcohol/drug use at home. You can't cite unreasonable behaviour if the events happened over 6 months ago. Basically the court needs zero reason to question your petition. They need to see a happy path, where the unreasonable behaviour LEADS to the breakdown of your marriage. They won't agree that adultery IS the breakdown under unreasonable behaviour. Make sense? Think of it this way: They need to be able to look at your petition, nod heads, and stamp it. 

In my case the evidence was iron clad, no refute, so things moved right along. If your stbx refuses to agree to your reasons and she objects, then I highly doubt citing adultery as the unreasonable behaviour will not work. But as always, listen to your solicitor.... 

http://www.justdivorce.co.uk/divorce-grounds

I hope this helps and best of luck.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you have to wait 2 years? Is it that there has to be fault to do a quick divorce?


EleGirl, in the UK, if they live apart for 2 years they can have a divorce with consent. Basically means they divorce with no questions asked and no dragging of reputations in the mud. The court doesn't need details, just that they've lived apart 2 years and his wife agrees to the divorce without question.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Satya said:


> EleGirl, in the UK, if they live apart for 2 years they can have a divorce with consent. Basically means they divorce with no questions asked and no dragging of reputations in the mud. The court doesn't need details, just that they've lived apart 2 years and his wife agrees to the divorce without question.


Do you have to prove you've been apart 2 years, or can both parties just agree to say that and get away with it?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Nucking Futs said:


> Do you have to prove you've been apart 2 years, or can both parties just agree to say that and get away with it?


It's proof by consent (hers). He petitions, she says "I agree." 

You can even be under the same roof those 2 years , just have separate living "households." But of course, it looks better on paper to live physically separately. 

2 years starts from the agreed date of separation. His wife must give voluntary consent and could withdraw her consent at any time in the process. She would ideally need her own lawyer to show she wasn't coerced. Also during, she could petition the court to help give her financial protection, where they look at accounts and see how finances would be split. It delays the Decree Absolute until the court is done looking over the finances.

Eta: he can only petition after those 2 years are done under the 2 year consent divorce. He petitions and says "start date of separation was X." She has to respond in agreement. Just wanted to be clear.


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