# Looking for support



## Dennis.859 (Dec 5, 2019)

My wife and I had “the talk” the day before thanksgiving. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and we’ve had our share of ups and downs. She simple isn’t happy and I know the love for me is gone. She barely showed any emotion. The fact that she’s been unfaithful several times over our marriage doesn’t help. I’ve forgiven her and moved forward, but it always seems to come around again. I’ve stuck it out for the sake of our children, two girls one almost 17 and one 20. The older is from her previous marriage, but I been her dad since 1 1/2 yrs old. I know my wife is currently exchanging messages with another guy on Instagram. I’m 46 and she’s 36. I’ve always been faithful to my wife. I don’t have anyone to talk to. It’s just getting rough with no one to talk to.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

So your wife had a kid at 16? How shocking it is that she is a serial cheater in your marriage. Your 17 year old is old enough to realize what’s going on. It’s time you leave this toxic woman.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

It's best to just cut and run. Sticking it out for her daughters is noble, but isn't doing you any good. Sometimes you have to put your own well being first.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Those kids are way old enough to know what’s going on and probably have for many years. Your wife is garbage.... put her out on the curb. Recycle not required.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Unfaithful several times and you've stuck with her; without consequences, there was no reason for her to consider change. Not that change would have been likely anyway.


Dennis.859 said:


> I don’t have anyone to talk to. It’s just getting rough with no one to talk to.


That needs to change. Have you had a therapist in the past? You could certainly use one now. TAM is a friendly place (once you figure out that it's no big deal that everyone's throwing daggers at you because you haven't mastered the "180" or served papers first etc) but it's no substitute for professional counseling and you likely need it.

You also need friends you can talk to. Everybody does. Where have they been these past couple of decades? Nobody at work you can talk with? Any activities? 

You're only 46. Man, if I were still 46, knowing what I know now, I'd have the whole world in front of me, opportunities everywhere. And relationships? If you want to go that way again, you're at the perfect age to play. Lots of women who are probably ready to stop playing around and settle down with a stable guy. What are your qualities? Have you kept yourself in shape? How about finances? What do you enjoy doing? Movies? Concerts? Dining out? 

Maybe you can be the beta test for the all-new TAM dad makeover! OK, try to laugh. Seriously. In almost every situation where we might want to sit down and cry, there's probably something to laugh about. Find that something, even if it's absurd. Especially so.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Dennis, a couple of things.
First, she CONTINUES to cheat on you -- did you EVER give her consequences for this, or did you just "forgive her" and move on (rug sweep)? You should see that she ISN'T the person who you thought you married -- she was presenting a false image to you. A cheater is who she really is.
You should expose her to your family, her family, friends, etc. about all the times she cheated (do NOT let her know you are doing this, and don't do this until you have all your plans in place). You should find out who she cheated with, see if THEY have wives/gf's, and tell THEM. You need to get copies of the texts she is sending if you can (and copies of her internet chats). Try to get a Voice Activated Recorder or two -- put one in her car, and one or two around the house where she would normally go to talk on her phone. Try to get a hold of her phone and use software to recover deleted texts messages. You need this to prove that you are telling the truth to her/your family. If you don't SHE will re-write your family history to make YOU the bad guy.

You should:
1) Contact a lawyer or three ASAP - you need to know the laws, what to expect for alimony/child support/custody, etc.. Get YOUR plans together.
2) Get your finances under control and separate yours from hers ASAP so that she can't drain your funds.
3) Get yourself tested for STD's -- God knows what she's done.
4) Get your one kid DNA tested -- you said she has cheated in the past, so who knows (even if she looks like you, talks like you, etc.). 
5) Start taking care of YOURSELF: eat, exercise and get in shape, sleep, start doing activities that YOU want to do (a hobby you always wanted, go to some meetup.com activities, etc. to meet new folks).
6) Start looking into the "180" -- this will help you start to detach from this woman



Come here to vent, discuss, and learn. You can get really good support here (be careful -- some here like to do "2x4's" -- hit you hard, yell at you, etc. to get you angry enough to DO something to implement your plans. Just understand where they are coming from.

VERY sorry you are going through this crap.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> Dennis, a couple of things.
> First, she CONTINUES to cheat on you -- did you EVER give her consequences for this, or did you just "forgive her" and move on (rug sweep)? You should see that she ISN'T the person who you thought you married -- she was presenting a false image to you. A cheater is who she really is.
> You should expose her to your family, her family, friends, etc. about all the times she cheated (do NOT let her know you are doing this, and don't do this until you have all your plans in place). You should find out who she cheated with, see if THEY have wives/gf's, and tell THEM. You need to get copies of the texts she is sending if you can (and copies of her internet chats). Try to get a Voice Activated Recorder or two -- put one in her car, and one or two around the house where she would normally go to talk on her phone. Try to get a hold of her phone and use software to recover deleted texts messages. You need this to prove that you are telling the truth to her/your family. If you don't SHE will re-write your family history to make YOU the bad guy.
> 
> ...


Great advice jigs


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Well, dude this is the best thing that can happen to you besides your child getting born, what a relief your not a doormat no longer. You can see the crap wiped on it. Imagine that sick piece of ****. Is going and will no longer be pain in your a$$. You think your sad hell man it's time to be real and show that you have a pair. No it didn't take strength to hang in you s**** marriage. It takes strength not to be the whipping boy! 

I sure hope you are not feeling sad for yourself. If you are man up. And be that man. Protect yourself, now make her leave the home, and maybe you 2 daughters will want to stay with you, because they know what a POS your STBX is!


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

RebuildingMe said:


> So your wife had a kid at 16? How shocking it is that she is a serial cheater in your marriage. Your 17 year old is old enough to realize what’s going on. It’s time you leave this toxic woman.


Younger than that. She is 36. They have a 20 year old together, so she was 16 when she had their child. She had a child from a previous marriage that was 1.5 years old from a previous marriage. At most, she was 14 and more likely 12 or 13 when she got pregnant in her first marriage. That sounds a little unusual.

I have no useful advice for the OP on how to handle the situation, but I feel bad for the girl that was married divorced and married again as a child. It doesn't justify cheating, but what an awful way to have to grow up.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

It is time for you to stop being a doormat. You know what you have to do, so do it. You need to start concentrated on yourself; file the paperwork, hit the gym, improve yourself. Right now, the only thing you can control is you. You deserve better then what you have be getting. I agree with the other posters when they say that your daughters know what is going on. Dont let your girls lose respect for you!


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

You've gotten a lot of good advice, I'd take it.
You're still young enough to recover, both mentally and financially. As someone who's older than you, take this for what it's worth. WASTE NO MORE TIME. Get out now.
I wish you and your kids well.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

FalCod said:


> Younger than that. She is 36. They have a 20 year old together, so she was 16 when she had their child. She had a child from a previous marriage that was 1.5 years old from a previous marriage. At most, she was 14 and more likely 12 or 13 when she got pregnant in her first marriage. That sounds a little unusual.
> 
> I have no useful advice for the OP on how to handle the situation, but I feel bad for the girl that was married divorced and married again as a child. It doesn't justify cheating, but what an awful way to have to grow up.


The 20 year old is the one from the previous marriage. She had it when she was 16, and met op when she was 17 1/2 and the child was 1 1/2.

Just because she had a child at 16 doesn't make her trash, BTW. There are plenty of women who were stupid when they were in their teens and matured to become loyal spouses, to someone else.

This woman didn't grow up, or learn morals. It's that simple.

OP, she has cheated before. You need to accept that this is who she is. Who are you? Are you a man who accepts being disrespected? You forgave once (or more than once) and she did it again. Now you need to find your boundaries and self respect.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, just shoot me in the head, because I'm an idiot." (quote by me)

Don't tolerate it. Divorce her ASAP.


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