# Going Down!



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

If you have not read any of my other posts, let me give you a quick background. Our sex life is finally picking up after 11 years of a basically sexless marriage. It brought us to the brink of splitting up earlier this year and we had several heart-to-heart discussions. Since then, things have really turned around and DW is trying extremely hard at getting out sex life back to where it needs to be. She is very giving and open to new things, but we are taking it slow. We are still at a point where she will have sex primarily to fulfill my need, not hers. She does get some emotional connection from it and she likes that I am all lovey dovey for a few days afterword, but she does not get much more than a nice feeling for a short period of time during sex. 

So… I want to make it more enjoyable for her. Last week was the first time she let me go down on her, after much begging. I told her that I REALLY love doing it, she is so sexy, beautiful… I love the taste and smell. Once she got the picture that it was something I wanted to do for me rather than for her, it let the pressure off. 

That brings me to this thread seeking your advice. I don’t think she is getting much out of it and I would like her to enjoy what I am doing more. She is good at communicating what works and what does not, which is very good. To her, the whole thing is just too much of a tease. She does not like me to take my team and build it up. She does not like the wandering light kisses. She likes me to jump right in and go for the goods, using my fingers and keeping the rhythm. She tells me this feels good but that it gets to the point that it is too much of a tease and she wants me to stop after about five minitues or so. This whole time is pretty constant rhythm and pressue right on her clit and finger on her G, what she likes. Am I doing something wrong? From what I can remember back in my single days, I would take a while building up until I got to that point, but when I did, it was not much more than a few minutes of the direct clit stimulation before orgasm, if she could even take that.

I can tell she likes it by the way she forces my head around and because she gets into the actual intercourse more, but still no orgasm. I think the teasing is that her body wants her to orgasm but she is not able to, or not letting herself go. 

Ladies, what do you think?


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## crazyanimal (Oct 10, 2009)

It does sound to me as though she wants to release but something is holding her back from doing so. Maybe talk to her about it:

Has she has any sexual abuse in the past?? Sexual issues with another partner that made her feel not so important?? Maybe she is scared of what she might look like to you during an orgasm?? Maybe she thinks you'll laugh at her reactions. Maybe she is scared of what she will look like down there afterwards and afraid it will turn you off???

The other issue could be that the more excited a woman gets, sometimes the more sensitive the clit gets. If you're adding pressure but too much, it is sometimes too sensitive and gives off the wrong feeling. Maybe she can't explain that your giving too much pressure cause she is afraid to make you think your not doing it right. Next time you do go down there, try feeling for her body language and if she has signs that she is getting more excited, continue what your doing but ease up on the pressure some and see how she responds.

The other thing after rereading your post. For me anyways, the clit orgasm and g spot orgasm are two separate orgasms. I cannot have both stimulated at the same time. Maybe it is causing her a confused feeling that she is describing to you.

Maybe she feels like she's going to have a g spot orgasm and doesn't realize that pushing is part of it. Many women think that they are going to pee themselves and that could be shutting her off. Maybe read up on g spot orgasm and show it to her to help her feel more comfortable.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Thanks for the advice. Maybe I should go for more of a penetration type feeling by working the bottom rather than messaging the G spot up top and applying more of a deep pushing.

BTW, I thing she is liking the idea more as she told me I can do it anytime I want to and she just told me that she is going for a wax, something she has never done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

Wow! That DOES sound promising! 

Did you know that for most men, sex is mostly physical, and for most women sex is mostly mental? There are, of course, always both aspects involved, but it certainly can't hurt to find out what her "mental" turn on is. It might be hard to get out of her, but does she like watching porn? Does she like it when you talk to her romantically during sex or being talked "dirty" to? Does she want to role-play or wear lingerie? You might try talking to her (or trying some out!) to see which of those might help. I know I climax with much less effort and sometimes longer(!) if I'm thoroughly aroused prior to having sex.

Good luck!!


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

I would just keep asking her what feels good and what doens't. Ask her to let you know how much pressure she likes. It might take her a while to loosen up enough to be totally comfortable to have a orgasm. Plus bring in the toys too if that will help. I'm all for them and my H will ask me if I want to use one or not. So he's totally cool with it and it's so much fun. Plus it's hot to watch him use it on me. That is the one thing over the years that was always great was the sex. It's the other area of the marriage that went down hill.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Calypso said:


> Plus bring in the toys too if that will help.


She is definitely letting go more and more each time. I would love to bring in the toys. She just bought her first one a few month ago, now she has four! However, she is still a bit shy/self conscious about using them. I have asked her a few times to let me use them on her but she was pretty enfactic about not going there. I think it is a combination of her getting used to the idea and her realizing that she has nothing to feel self conscious about and in fact, it would be a big turn on to me. I don't think she gets that. Also, last time I asked she said that she would be embarrassed because she has to contort herself in just the right position for it to work. I do think she is worried how she looks/feels when she loses control.




Deb1234 said:


> It might be hard to get out of her, but does she like watching porn? Does she like it when you talk to her romantically during sex or being talked "dirty" to? Does she want to role-play or wear lingerie? You might try talking to her (or trying some out!) to see which of those might help. I know I climax with much less effort and sometimes longer(!) if I'm thoroughly aroused prior to having sex.Good luck!!


She is not into porn for sure. Not really sure what she is into. I asked her about what kind of fantasies she has, she says she does not really have any. I know she likes her neck kissed/bitten roughly. She likes the feel of sex at first but sometimes it begins to hurt after a while. Sometimes I can tell she is uncomfortable and I just stop and she helps me finish outside. I feel a bit restricted as she has quite a few boundries so I just end up not trying stuff and letting her lead. At the same time, she may not really know what turns her on so me not trying new stuff makes change dificult.



Another thing I forgot to mention, I think she was really getting into it yesterday, practically begging me to stop and go inside her. And when I did, she found a position where she was able to lock her legs around my ankles and apply a lot of pressure. She said she was getting close but she lost it. Also, she was letting go enough that she asked me take of the condom and she got in that position again and I could tell she was feeling it. Problem was that because she was getting into it so much it got me too excited and I could not hold it for her like I usually could (especially without the condom). What a catch 22.

All things heading in the right direction, just need time and practice now.


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