# Deployed Divorce



## soldierhobo (Sep 18, 2009)

Man... I don't know how to explain everything.

So I was in love with a beautiful woman, we finished college together. Then I was ordered to deploy. So I came out here to do my duty, and she decided she wanted a seperation about a month and a half ago. (I've been deployed for about 6 months)

Well, it has destroyed me. I don't know how to explain what it feels like to be homeless, catless, and have all hope of homecoming crushed in front of you. I've been barely hanging on, while I should be on the ball (I'm a medic for gods sakes, I have a bunch of other people to take care of, and they depend on me.)

Well, it's been a month and a half and I still am torn up about this. I just can't figure out why. I know I should just realize the facts, I was gone, she started hanging out with new people, and one thing led to another. But it drives me crazy thinking about what ifs. What if I came home? What if she wants money? I've lost two friends already, and risk my life for this money, its sacred. 

What will it be like when I get home? Will she return to me? Can I forgive her? She did break our oath, but it was understandable. Why can't I just focus on the mission.

Lately she got very angry explaining to me that we weren't really married, because we never had family ceremony. (Didn't have time or money.) She's been working very hard about forgetting that she loved me once, and trying to accentuate the negatives, while not being willing to discuss any ways to work it out. Just re-iterating the negatives, even though I agree completely and want to talk about them.

Well, that's me. I guess I'm just a sorry loser who can't see the writing on the wall. Any advice on how to move on/cope/deal with the ex-wife will be appreciated. Any stories and similar experiences would be most helpful.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thank you for serving our country! It must be mind blowing to have this happen to you at such a far distance. It really must be torture. 

It's so easy to go over things in your mind...overanalyzing every detail and what if.....You can drive yourself nuts. It's like an unsolvable puzzle. 

Not sure how the relationship was before you deployed? What were the problems?

Another thing....and the best and most frequent advice given to people that are left...take care of yourself. Even if you don't feel like it. You will appear more attractive if you get on with your life and pretend that you don't care about her. Be friendly and nice if you see her in person. Don't appear needy. Take a step back and a get your breath. 

It hurts but keep coming here to vent. Get some individual counseling. It will help you tremendously. I have done this and many others have also. Reach out to others and tell your story. Ask for support from friends. Cry when you feel like it. 

You aren't a loser. Just a person that is hurting and that is a human condition. My H left me after 24 years because the grass is greener. I understand the emotions.


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