# I don't have answers to anything....



## jcjohnson3 (Nov 30, 2010)

well like most others here something has happened to me that is almost unbearable. 

on oct 18 my wife left me. I was coming home from school and sent her a text asking if she needed anything. She said she was moving out for a little while. The weekend prior she had gone on a girls weekend out of town. My wife had always been a party girl. They were doing the bar hopping thing. I told her it bothered me a lot that she would be danceing with other guys and getting wasted. She just told me the went to hear music and dance, not just with other guys. She thought I was giving her guilt trips when I was trying to express my feelings. She went for the weekend on friday and came back sunday night. I was cold toward her because I had already seen things on facebook with her danceing with other guys. I just tried to let it go, but the next morning I confronted her about it. I tried to explain why I was cold and how it made me feel dirty to love on her after I new she had been danceing with other guys, and it would just take me a little while to get past. She didn't understand and got mad. Gave me a hug and I kissed her on the cheek.

That was the night I came home and she wasn't there. I broke down tried to call she wouldn't answer. She would only text me saying she needed space and time. I told her I wanted to at least try counseling anything. We have been married for nearly 8 years and together for 10. I told her lets not just throw that away. She wouldn't talk. The next morning she sends me a text saying she didn't want to talk or see me till January.

it's been a little over a month now. I had to leave my job, quit school, have lost health insurance, and had to move back with my parents. I had quit a very good job about a year ago to go back and become a nurse. Mainly because with the job I had I couldn't be around her much and when we did have kids I wouldn't have been around. It was a total joint decision, I had a part-time job at a bank and she was a nurse practitioner. So we could afford it. A couple days after she left she sent me a text saying it wasn't right I was staying in the house and she was paying the bills. So that's why I had to leave. I still had total hope we could work it all out.
I have since found work, making way more than I did previously or even more than she has ever made. I tried to talk with her about it, but she didn't want to hear from me ar all.

finally, after 2 weeks she said we couldn't work it out. I have refused to file because I sont want it and feel that if she does she needs to do the fileing. Through this all she hasn't talked to me it's all been over text.

I had her friends calling saying she wouldn't talk to them. She finally sent me a text saying we had both changed and she wanted a much different life than I did. That I should feel bad about wanting a family. She had always been career oriented and I was more family.

This has all been over text, 9 days before I turned 30. It has been crushing to me. She sent me a text a few weeks ago saying I was a good hubby, just not good for her. That she would be forever thankful I was in her life. Then the day after thanksgiving she sent me a text saying" I'm aorry to have put you through all this but it has to be done".

can anyone help me make since of all this.

thank you!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry you are going through all of this pain...and so close to the holidays. In some ways your wife's behavior sounds like my estranged husband's behavior. When I met him at age 19 he was a huge party animal. He settled down for twenty years. Then at age 41 the "party bug" came back with a vengeance. I'll never understand that either.

I am wondering about the girls' weekend out of town though. Are you sure the trip was with the girls? Is there another man in the picture? Some of her behavior would lead me to believe she might be seeing someone else.

Hang in there!


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## jcjohnson3 (Nov 30, 2010)

well I found out some of the girls she had gone with were upset at her. They had been saying to people she was doing things a married women shouldn't have. She didn't sleep with anyone just danceing, but was grabbing guy in innapropriate places.

my wife has been on anti depressants for years. She has been in therapy for years dealing with issues from her childhood. She wanted me to go with her, so I did once. It seemed it was all about the things she had gone through as a child. I never got the impression we had issues. She always told me I was the only stable thing in her life.

on our wedding day she got so drunk that she fell into a big cooler during the reception dinner. Then wanted to go out to the bars with her friends. Her mom told her no, and made her get into the car. When we got home I had to carry her up stairs because she couldn't walk. She wanted to have sex but I couldn't she was to drunk. She spent the rest of the night in her dress on the floor of the bathroom vomitting.

I always thought she would grow out of it. She had really cut down till the last 2 years. It seemed she wasn't happy unless she was drinking.

I know I'm not the most physically gifted person out there. I'm only 5'6, girls aren't that attracted to short guys. This has been a major crush to my self confidence.

all of her friends that have contacted me keep saying she will regret all of this. I don't think she even is upset about it.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

A girls "weekend" on the town? This a new trend? Did they stay at one of the girls' houses?

It's possible her gf's are saying those things about her to defer blame.

One thing I can say is that when you told her it made you 'feel dirty to love on her' it may have been a deep cut, going by what you said about her therapy sessions.

If you are intent on getting her back you could ramp it up a bit and get in the mood and go take her out partying. The problem is it sounds like she needs counseling for alcohol abuse.


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## jcjohnson3 (Nov 30, 2010)

the girls weekend has been something she has been going on and on about. They stayed at a hotel. These girls never said anything to me directly, a friend of mine who's wife works with them told me some of the things that had been going around the office.

she has told me in the past she just needs time out with her girlfriends. So that they can just joke and have a good time. I don't know why it always had to involve a bar or club
we had gone out about 5 weeks prior to all of this and she had gotten so drunk, she slipped 
out of her shoe and rolled her foot so bad she
broke it. She told me then she was worried
she would go back out drinking as soon as 



she got the cast off. I told her she was the only one that could stop drinking. Many times we would go out and she would have 1 or 2 and stop, others it wouldn't be pretty. She always said she didn't have a problem. Her mom does, and she always worried about one of her brothers or sister or her would have a problem
I was never raised around drinking, so I didn't know what to think. She is also on antidepressants. From what I have read your not to be drinking a lot while takeing them.

when I told her about feeling dirty it wasn't I could love her just touching her after those kind of things bothered me like I was playing second fiddle. Maybe it was a bad choice of words, but I was trying to explain my feelings and why I was cold when she came home.


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## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

my ex's mom did that. She got married at 18 and was married till 36. She then went out got drunk everynight (with 3 kids in the house) and even started drugs. She is not a lady to marry, she would bring men home and sleep and we could hear them.... Disgusting. She taught my ex it was okay to sleep around. And im sure the other 2 learned the same mentality. Actually hearing this made me wake up. about 2 mins ago (we broke up 2 weeks ago) i wanted to talk to her, but she isnt a girl i want to marry. She has bad morals and doesnt keep anything special. I wish you the best of luck and i know what your going thru. We were together for 3 years... 2 Weeks out and i am still hoping for the best.


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