# Did He have sex with her?



## bkaydezz

I am asking this on behalf of a friend.
I have a girlfriend from work who i was having a conversation with about her husband cheating..
Now He is the only person she has ever been with. they have 3 children together.

She was telling me that her cousin comes over to the house quite bit, she is 18. She told me they would always pick and play with one another and she seen it as harmless. 
(IM sorry but why is a grown married man playing and picking with a 18 year old girl that isnt your wife)

so one evening she happens to come over and after my friend gets her kids to sleep she heads to bed herself leaving her cousin and husband in the living room alone. 

the next morning, he wakes up makes his coffee and asks her to come and join him. shes thinking ok. doesnt know why shes outt of bed this early, he sits her down at the table to tell her that he was playing with her cousin, on the couch, he gooched her on the side and she lent over to kiss him. From that she tells me that they end up taking all over there clothes of and mess around buit NO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! UHMMMMM WTF?

please help me out here. i am lost. also her husband and cousin were going to keep it hush because she didnt want my friend to find out, so now her husband has told her, but the cousin doesnt know he has, so she keeps calling wanting to go over and she has been making up reasons and excuses for her not to come back. she doesnt want to have confrintation with her cousin because she is a youth leader at her church and her cousin is in her class. ughhhhhhhhhhh!

I just want everyone to know that she is such a wonderful wonderful person, great mom, great friend, great wife, just freaking great ok and im so pissed for her because of how good she is and what she does for her husband and family.

I want others thoughts on this!!!! i know he had sex with her. i just know it. i have such a big feeling and it wont go away, but she refuses to believe they did. i think she has it in her mind that they have but hasnt told me yet. 

P.S....Thanks TAM family:smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans

No offense, but how are WE supposed to know if he had sex with her? 

All you can do is support her no matter what she decides in how to handle this. It sucks she married such a jerk and has a crap relative.


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## NaturalHeart

Sicko


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## Jellybeans

What does "gooched" mean?


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## that_girl

Wow! If that was my cousin, I'd kick her ass! Then I'd kick his ass!

What a crappy situation. Maybe there wasn't sex, but what does it matter? He got naked with her COUSIN . SO she kissed him, big deal...he could have said, "WHOA! YOU got the wrong idea here!" but no...he was a slime ball and got NAKED with her.


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## COguy

That's what I was thinking, who freaking cares if they had sex or not?

Did a penis go into a vagina? Maybe...

Is this guy a major creep and perv? YES!

Is this cousin a hobag? YES!

Is your friend a doormat people pleaser? YES!


She shouldn't be covering for either of their sorry asses, she sounds codependent (join the club). Tell her to stop trying to fix the mess other people created for themselves. And if she doesn't go nuclear on this guy he's just going to do it again. It's such a low value move to let someone get away with that without any consequences.


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## TBT

Sounds to me like he's getting his side in first to blunt and/or murky up the real truth.He seemed pretty quick off the mark the next morning.


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## Phenix70

Ehhhhh!
Sex or not, the husband did cheat on her and with her own cousin. 
Considering how Trickle Truth works, there's probably more to come.


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## In_The_Wind

I would agree with you BK I think she should decide if she wants to stay married to her husband as a first step, then procede from their it sounds like he has no boundaries with members of the opposite sex as well as her cousin


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## Coffee Amore

I think this is the tip of the iceberg. He's probably confessing to just a fraction of what has gone on between them. Rarely do cheaters confess the whole entire truth in the intitial conversation. He's probably minimizing a lot of what went on.

I don't know what "gooch" means either, but I could guess from the context.

Why is your friend protecting her cousin? That's baffling to me. It's almost as if your friend thinks she's at fault for her cousin's behavior. The cousin calls and your friend doesn't say something about what went on? Why not? She has nothing to be embarassed about. She needs to have a very direct conversation with the cousin. In infidelity circles, the experts say the OW (that would be the cousin in this case) should have no contact for life with the cheating partner (your friend's husband). 

I think your friend is being quite the doormat here. 

She should get the book "Surviving The Affair" by Dr. Harley. It's written by a therapist who is also a Christian.


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## SprucHub

I am not sure. I can see how it would not happen - bridge to far type of thing (maybe she's a virgin). I also do not really blame 18 y/o's for interactions with adults. Please don't bite my head off about that, but she's a kid who knows right from wrong but without the experience to apply that in matters of lust and temptation. The gov't does not trust them enough to allow them alcohol for a reason. 

So, maybe they did not have intercourse. I can see how that may and may not matter for some. Whatever it is, he should be sleeping on that soiled couch for some time.


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## waiwera

If I get naked with my H and we play with each others bodies...thats sex... IMO...

Even IF no penis entered any vagina...it was still sex.

He cheated on her no matter what.... IMO.

She needs to act accordingly.


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## Entropy3000

bkaydezz said:


> I am asking this on behalf of a friend.
> I have a girlfriend from work who i was having a conversation with about her husband cheating..
> Now He is the only person she has ever been with. they have 3 children together.
> 
> She was telling me that her cousin comes over to the house quite bit, she is 18. She told me they would always pick and play with one another and she seen it as harmless.
> (IM sorry but why is a grown married man playing and picking with a 18 year old girl that isnt your wife)
> 
> so one evening she happens to come over and after my friend gets her kids to sleep she heads to bed herself leaving her cousin and husband in the living room alone.
> 
> the next morning, he wakes up makes his coffee and asks her to come and join him. shes thinking ok. doesnt know why shes outt of bed this early, he sits her down at the table to tell her that he was playing with her cousin, on the couch, he gooched her on the side and she lent over to kiss him. From that she tells me that they end up taking all over there clothes of and mess around buit NO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! UHMMMMM WTF?
> 
> please help me out here. i am lost. also her husband and cousin were going to keep it hush because she didnt want my friend to find out, so now her husband has told her, but the cousin doesnt know he has, so she keeps calling wanting to go over and she has been making up reasons and excuses for her not to come back. she doesnt want to have confrintation with her cousin because she is a youth leader at her church and her cousin is in her class. ughhhhhhhhhhh!
> 
> I just want everyone to know that she is such a wonderful wonderful person, great mom, great friend, great wife, just freaking great ok and im so pissed for her because of how good she is and what she does for her husband and family.
> 
> I want others thoughts on this!!!! i know he had sex with her. i just know it. i have such a big feeling and it wont go away, but she refuses to believe they did. i think she has it in her mind that they have but hasnt told me yet.
> 
> P.S....Thanks TAM family:smthumbup:


Why does it matter? Is what they did not bad enough? Does there have to be penetration for this to be unacceptable?

So I will help. It does not matter.


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## Entropy3000

Gooch ( male ) = Taint ( female )

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gooch


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## TRy

bkaydezz said:


> From that she tells me that they end up taking all over there clothes of and mess around buit NO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! UHMMMMM WTF?


 Even if you believe them that they did not have intercourse, what you just described is still called sex. Gays and lesbians cannot have intercourse with their partners, but they do have sex with them. So in answer to your question in your thread title, yes he had sex.


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## Trenton

Oh no. I could not recover from this, sex or not hence making the sex irrelevant in my mind. Your friend needs to find the courage to go against the grain and the church and get away from this man who is obviously not to be trusted.


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## bkaydezz

I feel so bad for her. 
She even told me that he was the type of man who is honest about everything he says to her. What i think makes this worse is he is a cop!!!!! Can you believe that?

Everyone here is right as far as it doesnt matter about whether they had sex or not. Thank you for re-itterating that.
I had questioned it myself but i would have to agree that it is sex as it is sexual.

Around here they call gooching like grabing the side agressively but not to hurt just to tickle.

I listened to everything she had to say about it and we were at work when she told me so of course we couldnt continue with the discussion due to helping other people.

I told her that she needed to ask the cousin if there was something she needed to tell her. That is when she went on about not wanting confrentation due to her youth leadership in the church. 
I feel otherwise.

Yes she is very easily taken advantage of, i havent ever seen her with an attitude, temper and whatever else have you.
Her husband has to know that she is easy since they have been together 9 years.

UGH! I am going to speak more to her about this and find out if she has delt with anything. If i was her, wooh hoo, just like the rest of us here feel about it, disgusted and ready to fight!!!! 

Thank you guys for your words of advice and wisdom on this!


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## sandc

Whenever I'm around a attractive young woman and don't want to have sex with her I ALWAYS take all my clothes off. (because usually they scream in horror and run at this point). You could probably count on one hand the times in all of human history that a man got naked with a naked woman and did not have sex with her.


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## bkaydezz

:rofl:
they run and sream in horror
:rofl:
good one!

but yes, very good point SandC


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## Shaggy

Naked people + close contact , yeah no sex. I bet they were checking each other for precancerous moles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz

Shaggy...:rofl:

it was all sexually intended sooooo yea. theres no way that they werent playing doctor!


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## JettF111

Hmm there is no way a guy and an 18 year old girl get naked together and dont end up having intercourse, you get so worked up inside you feel like exploding and the only way to relax again is to have sex.


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## that_girl

I can believe that he's a cop.

In my Sociology of Deviance class, it was stated that cops and military have the highest rate of cheating and abuse in relationships. Granted this was in 1998... But that stuck with me.


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## Hopefull363

I may have missed this but we know how old the girl is, how old is your friends husband?


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## costa200

How old is this guy anyway?


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## sandc

that_girl said:


> I can believe that he's a cop.
> 
> In my Sociology of Deviance class, it was stated that cops and military have the highest rate of cheating and abuse in relationships. Granted this was in 1998... But that stuck with me.


Yep. I believe he is a cop too. The one time experience my wife and I had with another couple, he was a cop. He even wanted to wear his uniform. I told him no F'ing way. I had more respect for the badge than he did.

We are WAAAAY out of that lifestyle now. Way out. Way way out.

Out.

So very out.

Okay. That's clear enough.


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## Conrad

Phenix70 said:


> Ehhhhh!
> Sex or not, the husband did cheat on her and with her own cousin.
> Considering how Trickle Truth works, there's probably more to come.


I think something already did come.


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## tm84

Too many boundaries crossed here, for sure. Married man, flirty 18 yr old, nakedness, wife asleep and no sex? Riiiiiiiiiiight. 

Seriously, to say that this is a bad situation is an understatement. There is no way that the friend should even THINK about staying with this guy. And the cousin? She wouldn't even be recognized as family as far as I'm concerned. The husband obviously doesn't respect his marriage nor wife and both him and the cousin share responsibility in this mess. 

It'll be interesting to see how this runs it's course...


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## Caribbean Man

I think he took advantage of her.
Plain and simple.
Even though she's 18 yrs old.
She liked the attention she was getting from him , because it made her feel secure, and sexy . Girls that age are usually attracted to men in uniforms. And also, because his wife [ her family ] knew , and apparently didn't mind.
Truly a perverted man.


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## bkaydezz

i wanna say he is 31.
she is 28.


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## bkaydezz

that_girl said:


> I can believe that he's a cop.
> 
> In my Sociology of Deviance class, it was stated that cops and military have the highest rate of cheating and abuse in relationships. Granted this was in 1998... But that stuck with me.


Its probably ahead of itself now.


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## Hopefull363

So a 31 year old cop took advantage of an 18 year old girl. Yes the 18 year old has a small amount of culpability in this but he has the most. He was supposed to be the mature one in this situation. Your friend needs to run for the hills and take him for everything she can. He's just disgusting.


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## the guy

If you really give a damb about this friend then do your own ivestigation, plant the VAR's and hidden cams and go all James Bond, then take the evidence and give it to her.

Just be warned, they always kill the messenger.

I suggest you you take what you have learned here and offer any support your friend asks for. You have been here long enough to know deniel is powerful and its just a matter of time before your friend takes you up on your offer. 

Be patient it hard to think about the unthinkable! Just be there when she is ready.

Again if your daring enough set it up and plant the deed so it looks like you had nothing to do with it.


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## EleGirl

that_girl said:


> Wow! If that was my cousin, I'd kick her ass! Then I'd kick his ass!
> 
> What a crappy situation. Maybe there wasn't sex, but what does it matter? He got naked with her COUSIN . SO she kissed him, big deal...he could have said, "WHOA! YOU got the wrong idea here!" but no...he was a slime ball and got NAKED with her.


All this while his wife and children were in the house :scratchhead:


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## bkaydezz

the guy said:


> If you really give a damb about this friend then do your own ivestigation, plant the VAR's and hidden cams and go all James Bond, then take the evidence and give it to her.
> 
> Just be warned, they always kill the messenger.
> 
> I suggest you you take what you have learned here and offer any support your friend asks for. You have been here long enough to know deniel is powerful and its just a matter of time before your friend takes you up on your offer.
> 
> Be patient it hard to think about the unthinkable! Just be there when she is ready.
> 
> Again if your daring enough set it up and plant the deed so it looks like you had nothing to do with it.


We havent spent anytime out of work together.
i dont know where she lives or what she drives.
I also dont own a var.

She is private with her life and doesnt talk about her business to just anyone.

I will suggest to her about the var though and see if she is up to it. 
As far as i know the cousin hasnt see him sense all this happened.
but who knows right?


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## bkaydezz

EleGirl said:


> All this while his wife and children were in the house :scratchhead:


yes:/

i was so upset when she told me that.
what a way to leave a rotten stinch in the home.


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## EleGirl

Your friend has to talk to her cousin.

Her husband might have confessed to her so quickly to make sure his wife got his spin of the story and to tell her to not talk to her cousin.

The cousin's story might be very different. She needs to talk to her cousin and ask the cousin what happened. 

She needs to do this without warning her husband that this is what she plans to do.


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## kindi

Any 18 year old chicks out there reading this thread who might be into a late night game of Twister?

I'm asking for a friend


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## bkaydezz

EleGirl said:


> Your friend has to talk to her cousin.
> 
> Her husband might have confessed to her so quickly to make sure his wife got his spin of the story and to tell her to not talk to her cousin.
> 
> The cousin's story might be very different. She needs to talk to her cousin and ask the cousin what happened.
> 
> She needs to do this without warning her husband that this is what she plans to do.


i have questioned that myself!!!!!
her story may be very different.
or somewhat anyways.


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## tjohnson

It is likely you will never know what actually happened. Regardless enough for you friend to see that this guy is a dog. 

Agree with others. Don't be the detective. If you uncover the truth you could be shunned for that as other said the messenger usually gets shot. 

Good luck!


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## srtjm

Shaggy said:


> Naked people + close contact , yeah no sex. I bet they were checking each other for precancerous moles.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 No they were checking for ticks. But even in the song it was implied that it was just a precurser for what followed.


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## Hopefull363

Haha, the first time my husband and I heard that song we were laughing hysterically.


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## Goldmember357

perhaps


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## Lenny

Wow, how bizarre, I dont think its too much of a stretch of the imagination to say yes they were acting in an extremely inappropriate manner, sex does not necessarily equal penetration.


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## ladybird

I would have your friend call her cousin and tell her, her husband told her everything and wants to hear it from her side. 

Yeah they had sex.


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## Missy_ki

kindi said:


> Any 18 year old chicks out there reading this thread who might be into a late night game of Twister?
> 
> I'm asking for a friend


I haven't played twister for such a long time


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## iammama

:smthumbup:


that_girl said:


> Wow! If that was my cousin, I'd kick her ass! Then I'd kick his ass!
> 
> I think this is backwards I would kick his ass first. He chose to marry you. Then I would kick her ass!


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## JustJenn

If it were my husband, I'd take my ****ty cousin aside and say, "So I hear you and hubby had sex?" .... 

Her reaction would be my answer. I wouldn't protect her. Hell, if she was in my youth group class, I'd kick her out...tell the pastor she would NOT be allowed in my class because of her behavior with my husband, and she needs private counseling on morals.

There's no way to know who was "enticing" who, but it's an awful situation and she needs to stand up for herself. No matter what happened, it's very much not acceptable.


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