# Unhappy with Life



## Hendrix (May 17, 2017)

Lately, I've been feeling down with my life in general. My husband and I are best friends and we've been married for two years in September. We've known each other since high school and dating off and on until we got engaged then married. My marriage is good. I don't have anything negative to say about my marriage or my husband. Other aspects of my life though... I can say different.

I feel like I'm not where I should be in my life. I have very little to show. I feel like I've accomplished very little even though I had a kid last month. If I had a list of things to be proud of... It'd probably just be graduation, marriage, and childbirth in that order. There's very little money in the bank. I don't own any property. I'm the breadwinner in my house so I have to work. I feel like I carry a lot of responsibility in our family and I have to just endure it. I'm not happy with my job and I'm scared to leave because I make a decent wage. I can't go from $20 to $12... or whatever.

I want to have the type of life where I can work if I want to. I want to do creative work and make a difference. I want to be financially secure and not have to worry about how we're going to pay for a house, our daughter's education, or retirement. I feel like it's too late now for me to do anything since I'll be 30 soon. I truly feel like I wasted my life.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Welcome to life....

90% of people started out this way. The other 10% come from money and resources. 

It will get better. Get that husband to work. He should be able to make $20 an hour, also. 

Get him in Skilled Trades, an apprenticeship. 

What is your husbands background and situation? 

I went and read your other posts. You did a dumb thing, your husband is angry. He has legal issues? Health issues? Please be more specific.

Your success is not going to occur without his help. You know that right?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Hendrix said:


> Lately, I've been feeling down with my life in general. My husband and I are best friends and we've been married for two years in September. We've known each other since high school and dating off and on until we got engaged then married. My marriage is good. I don't have anything negative to say about my marriage or my husband. Other aspects of my life though... I can say different.
> 
> I feel like I'm not where I should be in my life. I have very little to show. I feel like I've accomplished very little even though I had a kid last month. If I had a list of things to be proud of... It'd probably just be graduation, marriage, and childbirth in that order. There's very little money in the bank. I don't own any property. I'm the breadwinner in my house so I have to work. I feel like I carry a lot of responsibility in our family and I have to just endure it. I'm not happy with my job and I'm scared to leave because I make a decent wage. I can't go from $20 to $12... or whatever.
> 
> I want to have the type of life where I can work if I want to. I want to do creative work and make a difference. I want to be financially secure and not have to worry about how we're going to pay for a house, our daughter's education, or retirement. I feel like it's too late now for me to do anything since I'll be 30 soon. I truly feel like I wasted my life.


You're still relatively young, it's not too late. But if money is your goal, then I would hold off on having any more children. Children are very expensive. What is your husband doing? If he doesn't work, then he needs to get a job.

Among other things, you should start budgeting and eliminating recurring expenses. Rent, car payments, loan payments, eating out... all that stuff needs to be cut. Create an aggressive plan to get rid of any debts, and start paying them off wholesale.

You only need money if you want to exist inside the societal system. The more you withdraw, or become more independent, the less you need it. You could consider buying property in the countryside, something with springs, use your own water, solar power, etc.


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## Hendrix (May 17, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Welcome to life....
> 
> 90% of people are in the same boat. The other 10% come from money and resources.
> 
> ...


My H works. He has some college education but never got his degree. He made some poor decisions when we were young and has a felony on his record; so it isn't easy to find work when he's looking for it. We looked into expunging it but we can't in our state. He wants to go back to school but I have no idea when he'll do that. We're in our 20s.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> 90% of people are in the same boat. The other 10% come from money and resources.


This argument is typically propagated by liberals who believe that the wealthy merely inherited their wealth, hence redistributing it is "fair" to those not born into money. The idea is flawed. Where one comes from is one factor to success among many other factors. You can still make a meaningful and creative contribution to society, even if you don't hail from a super rich family. 

My advice: Get educated in a discipline with market demand (as opposed to something fun, like literature or art history). Go to an accredited school that you can afford (as opposed to a private school outside of your budget). Work schooling around your family life, and start school while you're yet young--it's easier that way. By the way, 30 is plenty young; it's not too late! There are ample job opportunities where work is meaningful, creative, and well-compensated. Many times you just need a good degree and an internship to break into a field. Once your foot is in the door, it's a matter of accumulating experience and politicking. An alternative to school is starting your own company, if you're the highly entrepreneurial, risk-taking type; odds of success are lower while the payoff can be significantly higher. Whatever you choose is beside my point: there are many ways to the top.

OP, if you feel you're above the monotony of your current vocation, then empower yourself and rise above it! Good luck!


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

_anonymous_ said:


> This argument is typically propagated by liberals who believe that the wealthy merely inherited their wealth, hence redistributing it is "fair" to those not born into money. The idea is flawed. Where one comes from is one factor to success among many other factors. You can still make a meaningful and creative contribution to society, even if you don't hail from a super rich family.


Not making stupid decisions is a great way to start too. Kids who move out at 18 and go to college are setting themselves up for financial ruin and large amounts of debt. If they used their brain, they'd stay home, work, and go to school locally. Then over the course of 10 years, they'd save hundreds of thousands of dollars, and be well on their way to becoming independent, debt-free, and realtively wealthy, members of society.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

As a liberal who recognizes the advantages we had growing up white in upper middle class families, yes, we earned our way. We contribute to those less fortunate through taxes and other ways and are happy to do so. We are not arrogant conservatives who say liberals are whining with outstretched hands. We enjoy fabulous wealth. We are educated with useful degrees. My husband works a highly stressful job and travels every week. There's a price to pay for that and my kids and I and my marriage have paid it. We have a beautiful home which takes so much maintenance. It means nothing to me. I'm not all that happy.

You have a beautiful baby with a great marriage. You are young! You are 20 years younger than me. Your life has just begun.

Are you having postpartum depression? Would you trade out your husband for a more lucrative one? Our lives are made of choices. We have to live with them. I think it'll be easier if you see your working as a choice and enjoy what you have. I've known preachers to go back and get engineering degrees, lawyers to go back and get preachin degrees. We're all looking for something. The point is - no one's happy! ;-) Life is what happens while you're making other plans. I think some of that Buddhism wisdom is in order here.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your happiness is dependent on a Green Back, a, Forgiven Man, a Wife who gets her delayed forgiveness from a Society forgiving Her husband who in turn forgives Her.

And by the Grace and Mercy of God.

A whole lot of forgivin' is needed.

Just sayin'


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## Hendrix (May 17, 2017)

KrisAmiss said:


> You have a beautiful baby with a great marriage. You are young! You are 20 years younger than me. Your life has just begun.
> 
> Are you having postpartum depression? Would you trade out your husband for a more lucrative one? Our lives are made of choices. We have to live with them. I think it'll be easier if you see your working as a choice and enjoy what you have.


Thank you.

I don't believe that it's PPD because I've felt this way even before we had our baby. I wouldn't trade my husband for any man that was wealthy. I'd rather my husband and I build wealth and do something meaningful together. The work doesn't really feel like a choice, since I make more money. My job holds us afloat. I work in healthcare listening to people complain all day. It's really tiring and depressing work. My degree is in English and my dream is to write stories and create films. My husband wants to be an engineer.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Hendrix said:


> I work in healthcare listening to people complain all day. It's really tiring and depressing work. My degree is in English and my dream is to write stories and create films. My husband wants to be an engineer.


I'm curious what healthcare field you work in specifically, although I understand you may not want to post that much information on a public forum.

I had to comment, though, because that kind of job is draining. I have the same kind of job (I'm a doctor) and sometimes it is just so hard. It can suck the life right out of you. I have friends/colleagues and classmates who have left the profession because of this. I have one colleague who is about your age, has 2 young children, and worked full-time as a physician. She left the profession because she said she just didn't have it in her to give, give, give to so many people every day, plus her kids. Not that it isn't a good thing to 'give' - just that, like she said, it got to the point where she didn't have one more ounce of reassurance and support or hugs to give to multiple people every single day.

And now you have a new baby requiring your love and support too. My point is just that, all taken together, it can be really hard on you.

Maybe this won't be feasible until your child/children are older and you have a bit more time to yourself - but if you want to write stories, then do it. Even if you have to get up very early in the morning to find a peaceful hour to yourself. Write. Don't lose track of that goal for yourself. It can be done.

One thing at a time. One day at a time. Keep sight of your goals and the rest will fall into place.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I know you said it's not PND, but a month after having a baby is often a low time for many people. 
It's a time just to hang in there, keep going and not make any rash decisions, I guess. 

I like that you are ambitious.


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