# Work abroad - wife pregnant



## mg19 (Aug 21, 2013)

Hello there,

I will start by explaining my life in short. I am 23 years old, and my wife is 21. We have been married for almost a year, with having many ups and downs. She's pregnant, and in October we're expecting a boy. We are living together in Greece, Europe and with the money we make we are paying almost all of our bills.
I am working in the IT dept of a company, where they have started downsizing a few months now and they keep cutting, therefore it's an unsecure position. The money is just enough for us to survive the month, but what is worst is that the boss is bullying (shouting, yelling, breaking stuff at worst) all of his employees, including me. I am working 12-13 hrs a day, while being on call every day. People have come to work and got shocked by his shouts, and left after 3 days of work.

The problem that i am facing right now is that, I have found, let's say, the job of my dreams, abroad in Switzerland. A high paying job, which will offer me a boost in experience and a better life for my family.

My wife is against me leaving and going there to start working and her following with the baby afterwards. I ensured her that I will be here during the days of the birth, but she found that it's irresponsible for me to have such plans in mind and leave her alone go through the last weeks of pregnancy.

I am facing a huge inner fight, between what i think is good, and what my wife believes.

Any help or guidance is much appreciated.

- M.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I would say look towards the future. If this new job is what you say it is, take it. Will your wife be complely alone? Can you negotiate or find a way for both of you to move, or prosponed your start date for a few weeks?


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

If the new job is a long term contract then why not take your wife there with you. Switzerland is not a EU country but they have signed up to the free movement of people from the EU so visa's etc should not be an issue.

I know I found working away from my wife and (at that time 2) children very hard. For me it was worth the drop in pay to see them (almost) every day.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, I can tell you that if you leave your wife to face the final weeks of pregnancy alone without coming to an agreement with her she will never forget it. This is a very difficult and vulnerable time for her and she needs her husband to have her back. Have you sat down with her and put everything on the table, and asked her to help suggest solutions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mg19 (Aug 21, 2013)

Thank you for the reply, I am planning to take my wife there, but for the time being, and since she's not able to travel because of the pregnancy, she has to give birth here..



Wiltshireman said:


> OP,
> 
> If the new job is a long term contract then why not take your wife there with you. Switzerland is not a EU country but they have signed up to the free movement of people from the EU so visa's etc should not be an issue.
> 
> I know I found working away from my wife and (at that time 2) children very hard. For me it was worth the drop in pay to see them (almost) every day.


Thank you for the reply, we have sat down and talked about it, but she suggested that we stay here where we are right now, cause leaving her behind is less of an option to her.. I have tried to explain to her that such opportunities come very rarely and that it's not only good for me but for the whole family.



lifeistooshort said:


> OP, I can tell you that if you leave your wife to face the final weeks of pregnancy alone without coming to an agreement with her she will never forget it. This is a very difficult and vulnerable time for her and she needs her husband to have her back. Have you sat down with her and put everything on the table, and asked her to help suggest solutions?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If i accept this job, she will have my parents/sisters help her here, but she feels that i am "betraying" her and "leaving her behind" and I don't get why she feels like that. At times like these where most of people are suffering from the financial crisis, I believe that such opportunities shouldn't go wasted.
I just need to hear what people from outside my family think, and thank you for any replies.


----------



## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Is it possible to negotiate your start date at the new job be after the birth of your child? A major move, a new job, a new baby are all big stressors on a relatively new relationship.
I encourage you to do everything possible to be with your wife throughout the pregnancy. Otherwise, she may feel abandoned and the resentment will begin. 
Protect what you value, if she's urging you to stay with her then you really need to stay with her. Even if it seems illogical to you. 

I am speaking from experience, although in our situation I told my husband I would be fine and encouraged him to accept a new job - a week before our first child was born. He was in training for the first three months just an hour away. It was extremely difficult for both of us.


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

For me personally I would want to be with my wife as much as possible before during and immediately after the birth. So this would mean either my wife moved with me or the new job would have to be delayed / passed up.

Your wife and child are more than just a run on the ladder or a chance for more experience they are (IMHO) the most important part of any man’s life.

(There was a saying in the Navy about guys who wanted extra leave to be there at the birth of their child "you need to be there for the laying of the keel but your percents at the launching is not necessary" that was one of the many reasons I left before starting a family.)


----------



## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

I would take the job and if you could move her there before the baby is due and have it in Switzerland or speak with the new employer and try and get a month break of when the baby is due and agree to no holidays for the next year and agree to pretty much any day they want and try and be there for the last 2 weeks and the first 2 weeks then have them move back with you. If the money is as good as you are implying then you have to take it don't give her any hint of doubt because a baby adds expenses and they don't ever go down until they move out when they are an adult and you said you were basically only just getting by and not adding anything to your savings and its not stable so in 3 months once this opportunity has passed you could be fired. She may resent you for not being there but she will resent you even more when you cant afford to eat or have electricity! at least this way you know your child is getting what it needs


----------



## ShyEnglishman (Aug 23, 2013)

mg19 said:


> Thank you for the reply, I am planning to take my wife there, but for the time being, and since she's not able to travel because of the pregnancy, she has to give birth here..


Without prying, do you mind if I ask why she can't travel?

Are you on the Greek mainland or one of the islands?

Flying is discouraged in the first and last trimester, because of the pressure changes or something, but it is usually not completely ruled out, just that you need to take extra precautions (flight socks, plenty of water to drink etc).

To get from Greece to Switzerland you don't have to fly anyway. It is easily driveable, or you could get a train or coach. If you travel over land, its going to take maybe 24 to 36 hours, so its a bit of a trek, but still easily manageable. If you are going to drive, you can stop plenty of times along the way, and even break the journey up over two days, staying in a cheap hotel en-route.

To travel by road in Europe, you need to allow approx 36 hours per 1000 miles to do it comfortably with plenty of stops. In the past I've covered 1000 miles in 24 hours in a coach limited to 55mph.


----------

