# He's Obsessed with our marriage counselor, what should i do?



## dcmarie

Last year i almost left my husband after 19yrs of marriage. He is a very difficult, verbally abusive, disrespectful man. He asked me to go to marriage counseling with him so i did. This appeared to help, after about 5 visits with the therapist we were given a list of helpful books to read together. I read half of one of the five books, he, at the time read non but things seemed ok. My husband recently lost his father and my girls and i moved in with his mother who has dementia (she needs 24hr care) this was a trial run. The weekend before i moved in to care for his mother we went to a community picnic. There my husband reverted back to his old ways ogling other women (to the obvious point of embarrassment). When i brought it to his attention, he seemed irritated with me but admitted it was an issue, especially because the woman who he was undressing/screwing in his mind was our marriage counselor. So, the girls and i are living with his mom and he comes to visit 3 days a week. Seems more attentive, affectionate with me. I know he is feeling depressed because he lost his dad, then his mom to dementia and now his wife and girls to caring for his mom. But his visits continue and his sexual drive is now in over load???? He talks about coloring his hair, getting hair plugs, is now taking the little blue pill and testosterone pills????? He talks to my best friend about how he is in sexual overdrive and other intimate things. For 15yrs of our marriage i have had to beg attention out of him, so i'm thinking "who is this man and what have you done with my husband". So, the move proved to difficult to my family and we moved home with mom moving in with us. I found out last night that while i was away caring for his mom, he has been seeing our marriage counselor behind my back, a woman he had a thing for. I am livid! I cannot believe all of his changes were for the benefit of our relationship, i cannot get past the anger and feel as if actions toward me were intended for the counselor. Am i acting inappropriately, i'm pissed!


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## missymrs80

What do you mean by "seeing her"?


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## Shaggy

Is he cheating with her or getting counseling?


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## dcmarie

he was seeing her for counseling and i don't think she did anything inappropriate, even though he did tell her he had feelings toward her... but if it wasn't such a big deal, why did HE hide it from me!?!? he admitted having sexual feelings toward her to my face but then runs to her the moment i leave to care for his sick mom.


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## missymrs80

Does he have untreated addiction? Gambeling drinking drugs food sex porn shopping....?


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## Cosmos

I have heard that couple counseling rarely works in abusive situations, and individual counseling is more effective. The reason being that the abuser tends to use information gained during therapy to up their abusive behaviour. In your H's case, it sounds like he's actually attempting to use the therapist herself, and IMO she needs to be made aware of this...


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## turnera

update?


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## bribrius

if the counselor knew he had feelings for her it jeopardizes the treatment. She would refer him to someone else. i suspect she either doesnt know, or she is screwing him.
A percentage of therapists do have sex with a patient at some point. Small, maybe fiver percent, but no unheard of.


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## missymrs80

bribrius said:


> if the counselor knew he had feelings for her it jeopardizes the treatment. She would refer him to someone else. i suspect she either doesnt know, or she is screwing him.
> A percentage of therapists do have sex with a patient at some point. Small, maybe fiver percent, but no unheard of.


IF the counselor knows he has feelings for her, this does not jeopardize the treatment. She may not necessarily transfer him either. She may be open in discussing this with the both of you. 

I would suspect she is either is aware or unaware of his motives and feelings at this point. Make an appointment with her and tell her your concerns. Bring your husband with you.


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## indiecat

Testosterone? Viagra? For who is he taking these things? This situation smells rotten, he's up to no good.


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