# thought I was over it



## pdanddeceived (May 9, 2012)

My husband cheated on me the entire time we dated. It was a long distance relationship that he had, but had seen her on business. I knew about this woman before hand and was told that she was his ex from where he used to live and it was over before we started dating. I did not find out until a week after we were married. I spoke with the other woman and found out that he was still with her the entire time and had plans to be with her and another couple the next time he was in that region. (he is in the military) He did the whole crying and apologizing thing, telling me that I was the only one he loved, the whole nine yards. I stayed. Two months later I found out that he tried taking a girl home from a bar when he was out of town. I confronted him about it when he got home and he tried to kill himself. He swears he didn't really remember what happened, he was drunk. (I don't buy the drunk act) Yet he was still texting her while he was at the airport to come home the next day. I thought I had forgave him for all these things. I do love him and want to be with him, I just don't know how I can ever really trust him. Yes I understand the relationship is completely doomed if I can't trust him. I have his email and fb passwords and he never got mad about me checking them before. 
Now he is deployed and all of a sudden things seem weird again. I got into his email the other day, he told me to because I was looking for the name of something I emailed him about last year. (I no longer have the account I emailed it from) and this morning he seemed pissed about it. Yes I did open one of his emails, he always has what he says is spam in his email from people saying hi want to date, or look at my nude photos and crap like that. I can tell he never opens it so I don't think much about it most of the time. Also a month ago he emailed his other ex gf and deleted his messages to her but I saw her replies. Nothing bad, other than hope your parents and kids are doing well, no mention of me at all. 
He does call me everyday and says loving things to me, takes an interest in what I am doing and tell me how proud he is of me, yada yada yada, but it seems to me he is getting distant. We still have a long time for this deployment to go. Should I stop being worried and just let whatever is going to happen be or should I listen to my gut that he is cheating on me again. I don't know if my gut is right or not. I haven't caught him doing anything wrong. Only speculation. Am I feeling this way because of what has happened in our past? Will I ever stop feeling like this? Am I a complete idiot to want to make this work?


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

You are not wrong feeling this way. Ones with trust issues should try counseling. It helps, but it could be you are feeling on shaky ground because of past events. But something that stands out in my cause too, is that gut feeling. It is your intuition telling you that things are not right. Most are told to trust this gut feeling, because it is usually correct. We at times sugar coat this feeling and turn a deaf hear to it, at other times a blind eye. Unless you are in trust issues with the majority around you, and have an underlying mental illness, listen to this voice, this gut feeling may be right on. Hope it gets better for you. And by all means, you are not an idiot. Love is strong and we want to hold on. It is hard work, but when it does pay off, it is worth it all. I wish you best of luck!


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