# Guys and their friends or lack there of



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Do any of you guys out there have friends or a particular friend that you enjoy doing stuff with? Go out with once in awhile, like fishing, or playing cards. Motorcycle riding? You know just guy stuff? 

Or are there any guys out there that has no friends they do nothing with? As in you would rather be alone. If you would rather be alone, why? 

My husband is like that. He has no real friends he does things with. I'm not saying thats not ok, but sometimes, I think to myself maybe he needs guy time, or a guy to hang out with, bond with, chat with about guy stuff. We have friends that are married couples like ourselves that we hang out with every so often, but I also have lady friends that I go out to eat with every so often. 

So if you are a guy that has no friends you like to hang out with or would rather be alone, I'm just wondering why you would rather be alone?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I find men are less social. The guys I know who have close friends are guys that have always lived in the same area. The friendships they have were formed when they were teenagers.

I moved away for school. I have a few friends that I do some stuff with but our friendship is pretty much limited to the activity we do. I play squash with a bunch of guys. I play golf with some other guys. We might hang out for a beer or eat afterwards. Might joke about wives, women, work, etc. 

But I would never call any of these guys to go for coffee. Or go to a movie. I wouldnt share any personal problems with any of them.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

My H is the same. I think he texts his buddy sometimes, but since we got married they hardly ever hang out. I encourage him to go out hunting, concerts or whatever, but he doesn't. He'll usually take me along instead. 

It does concern me because I feel like it's my fault. That perhaps he feels like I would disapprove.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I have one buddy of mine I have known for years that I do things with every so often. My wife does the same thing with a friend or two of hers. They go shopping or to dinner, or get their nails done etc. 

I think some people just prefer to be alone, Then there might be some people who have social anxiety issues and don't care to hang out with anyone period.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I think people need an outlet sometimes other than just work, tv, games, phones etc. Its good to actually connect with another person, And not through a computer or phone, but actual face to face bonding where life and relationships can be experienced.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i have one very good friend that i see whenever he can make it to visit, which is pretty often, maybe 15-20 times a year.
my nephew who is 27 is a neighbor and we pal around quite a bit and ride horses together.
both of them are privy to my personal life and tribulations, and on occasion i even ask them for advice.
i also have brothers and BILs that i do things with (hunting, fishing, shooting, etc).
i do not keep "aquaintences" or make time for them, thats just my personality.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

AgentD said:


> Do any of you guys out there have friends or a particular friend that you enjoy doing stuff with? Go out with once in awhile, like fishing, or playing cards. Motorcycle riding? You know just guy stuff?
> 
> Or are there any guys out there that has no friends they do nothing with? As in you would rather be alone. If you would rather be alone, why?
> 
> ...


My ex was like that. During the 11 years we were married, I saw him go out with guy friends exactly three times, and it was *always* something he did because it was work related. His reason was simply that he didn't much care for other people and preferred to tinker at home or play on his computer.


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## Mike6211 (Jan 18, 2013)

I have a few friends who go back a long way, who I enjoy seeing occasionally for a drink or lunch, mainly shooting the breeze though really when it comes to conversation.

I also attend a Men's Group which meets for a day four times a year. It's 'closed' (i.e. same 10-12 faces long-term, a newcomer can join when someone leaves). It's not a 'therapy' group as such, but the two facilitators do have therapeutic credentials which helps steer the group energy and dynamics away from mere wheel-spinning and 'stuckness'.

It's the only opportunity I have to feel vulnerable in the company of other men. I value it very highly.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

^ That's a cool idea. I think this would be something awesome for a lot of men. Too bad it's not available to more.

I informally do this with a couple of gal pals... Wine and whine nights, sort of, except with a positive spin that helps us realign our goals and stay focused on what's right.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

AgentD said:


> If you would rather be alone, why?


Because dealing with people requires copperaration and flexibility and I would rather do EXACTLY what I want not bend to someone elses idea of activity. 

I am currently remodeling the kitchen which is relaxing. I dont want to listen to someone yap when I can listen to music. 

Later I am going to ride my motorcycle. When, where and why I stop is up to me. If I change my mind I donmt have to check to see if its ok with anyone else. 

Its called freedom


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

AgentD said:


> Do any of you guys out there have friends or a particular friend that you enjoy doing stuff with? Go out with once in awhile, like fishing, or playing cards. Motorcycle riding? You know just guy stuff?


Yes, one very old friend I've had since high school and just recently hooked back up with a few years ago.
We'll get together to watch a game or movie or just hang out once or twice a week.

I spent a very long time after I got married without any friends.



> Or are there any guys out there that has no friends they do nothing with? As in you would rather be alone. If you would rather be alone, why?


That was me after I got married.
I chose to ditch all my friends because honestly they weren't going to be good for my new life.
I settled down, they didn't, I didn't need the drama.
No way I'd be married now if I tried to keep hanging with those lunatics.



> So if you are a guy that has no friends you like to hang out with or would rather be alone, I'm just wondering why you would rather be alone?


Honestly I don't really like too many people.
I spent a very long time (8-9years) without any real contact with someone I'd consider a friend.

I am glad I hooked back up with my high school friend I mentioned earlier but I was pretty happy just being surrounded by my wife and kids for years.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

tacoma said:


> No way I'd be married now if I tried to keep hanging with those lunatics.


haha. ha.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

My case is the opposite.

My hubby has guy friends that he goes & hangs out with... or they go riding motorcylce.. .Go to the shooting range.. etc.

I'm the one that doesn't have close friends. I don't have "girl-friends" with anyone that I'd want to go shopping with.. etc. I just don't do that sort of thing. 

Yes, I love going bowling, going out with hubby... socializing at parties, etc, with his family. But I have no desire to go to the clubs with his sisters..etc. 
I'd rather sit at home with a good book. Or do some of my crafts... Or.. .(my bad habbit...) hang out on the internet.

I'm just not social. My husband is. We get along just fine. I'm sure he doesn't sit there & ponder why I don't want to go shopping with the ladies at work.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

I have three close male friends. One has been my best friend for 25 years. The second we've been good friends for 17 years. The third is a fishing buddy who went through a divorce similar to mine and fishing and talking out on the boat is our therapy.

My father was a loner with no male friends and that was normal for him. He loved being with my mom so much that that was all he needed and wanted, aside from some alone time for his hobbies.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

My best friends are sill the ones I went to high school with, and that was 30 years ago. We no longer live in the same towns and states so we don't get together as often as we'd like. My wife and I are friends with a couple next door and we hang out with them quite a bit. He and I also go golfing or play poker without the wives. But, with my work schedule, 2 weeks of days, 2 weeks of nights, I don't think I'm around on a consistent basis to drive my wife bonkers. On the contrary, I have encouraged her to go out without me. She is the one without the group of friends. But, for the most part, we enjoy hanging out together, alone or within a group.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Not a guy, but my husband is a real loner. He has two friends, whom live out-of-state and he talks to them maybe once a month.

He talks to a guy at work a lot, he's told me a lot about him, but they don't do anything together outside of work.

Before my husband and I started dating, we were friends. Used to do things once or twice a week. Shopping, shooting pool, grabbing a beer, hiking, etc.

Now we don't do anything together and most of what he does do, he does alone.

Sometimes I think he needs friends to talk to and relate to... But he just prefers to be by himself, really. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well,I had lots of friends before I got married.Seeing that
I was the first one married at age 25,it scared most of my friends away.I didn't have much in common with them anymore.

The wife and I hung out with different couples over the years
but after almost 25yrs of marriage all those couples are now divorced.Ive never been deep into sports or drinking so not 
a lot in common with other males I know.

I put all my energy into my wife and kids.I have some friends I
no longer bother with cause alcoholism and abuse.

If your husband is happy don't worry,he's not alone.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

YinPrincess said:


> Not a guy, but my husband is a real loner. He has two friends, whom live out-of-state and he talks to them maybe once a month.
> 
> He talks to a guy at work a lot, he's told me a lot about him, but they don't do anything together outside of work.
> 
> ...


SO sorry to her this about your husband.
YinPrincess,would your husband go out with you
if you asked or dragged him?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

nevergveup said:


> SO sorry to her this about your husband.
> YinPrincess,would your husband go out with you
> if you asked or dragged him?


I could tell him we're going to a nudie joint and he would still be kicking and screaming as I drug him.

Nothing much, if anything at all, excites this guy, gets him pumped, makes him enthusiastic... Strangest man I've ever met... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

perhaps he's insecure or depressed?


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## Gitman (Feb 15, 2013)

I moved a lot as a child. I became good friends with a guy in my first year of high school. He introduced me to my wife. My wife an I were "going steady" with the class rings etc. One day he stops by her house and asks her if she wanted to go for a ride. He tried to put the move on her and she told him no and to take her home. I had real trust issues with males also my dad leaving when I was very young. So I made my life around my kids and family. Now my wife wants me to get friends so she can go hang out all day with her friends. This after being married for thirty plus years. Most people my age have long time friends.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

AgentD said:


> So if you are a guy that has no friends you like to hang out with or would rather be alone, I'm just wondering why you would rather be alone?


This is a false dichotomy. The choice is not to be with guy friends or be alone. I have a wife and two kids. The only times I am away from them is working. 

I did have friends I spent some time with before I got married but especially after having kids I prefer being with them. 

I was lead singer in a rock and roll band, did all kinds of world travel, had passionate hobbies, especially flying airplanes (I owned two at the same time and still have one). Now I stay with my wife and kids. 

Ha - *Yinprincess* - that's right, I won't even bang a hot stripper if my wife handed me the money and told me to do her. Because she has done that and I just don't have any motivation to. 

There's nothing wrong with a husband that wants to be with his wife and kids.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AgentD said:


> So if you are a guy that has no friends you like to hang out with or would rather be alone, I'm just wondering why you would rather be alone?


My husband works with men 8 hours a day, he has 5 sons, a daughter & me....he has never cared to hang with the guys.....He has friends from High school but only if me & the wife make some kind of plans generally do they get together...or one needs help on a vehicle or something -they'll hang in the garage to get a job done, it's a little male bonding/ catching up ...(our friends go way back 25+ yrs). 

2 guy friends call on us from time to time... but it's sporadic...My husband doesn't play Golf or belong to any Country clubs, he has no desire to go to the Men's group at church....he doesn't play any sports, we don't even watch football...he takes ME to Coin shows.. he used to go with a friend to Gun shows... 

We just Do the "*family thing*" ~ this keeps us fulfilled. The kids alone & their activities keep us HOPPING....and we greatly enjoy our alone time, so much we are a little stingy, I won't do anything with my friends on his days off.. everyone is off limits. 

I've never been one that jumps to go out with the Girls anyway... so I am happy my husband IS the way he is. 
This is how it tends to go...whomever I make friends with...he ends up hanging with the husband - for the most part, he gets along with anyone/ everyone. 

His best guy buddy moved 4 hours away... but even that was a "Couple thing" .... they come to visit us & we shoot the breeze for hours.



> *Wiserforit said*: This is a false dichotomy. The choice is not to be with guy friends or be alone. I have a wife and two kids. The only times I am away from them is working.
> 
> I did have friends I spent some time with before I got married but especially after having kids I prefer being with them.
> 
> ...


 As a happy wife...


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## Redone (Feb 10, 2013)

I find that my husband has very few friends because he really doesn't understand how to be a good friend. He doesn't understand that friendship is not all one sided.


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