# Do OMs always want just sex with a married woman?



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Without wanting to hijack a thread, I decided to create a new one, quoting one of the HIGHLY respected (for me personally) posters here on TAM, who, just like many other members, has similar ideas to this one (when referring to the OM):



> You know what he wants from you. He sees an opportunity here so he is pouring on the attention hoping you'll let him have sex with you.


Now, as you can see from these sentences and other ones similar, like "He's only hoping/looking for sex"....it feels like sex is difficult to get, when (nowadays) it's actually NOT. 
Sex is not a taboo or something you can't have. 
And as a result, (to me) it's not something to hope for or look for. It's not something to crave and wish for or something you eagerly wait. [Generally speaking]

I can say for example, I hope to meet a guy I can fall in love with or I hope and can't wait to go visit the USA....

..but hoping to/looking for to have sex or ruin a marriage as if there aren't other people around??? 
To me this doesn't makes sense. 

As much as i agree with the quote above, (because OMs are usually up for sex) on the other hand I wonder why they bother so much with married women.

If they're up for sex why can't they have ONS? 
Why can't they pay a prostitute? [if they can afford it?]
Is it so difficult for them to get laid with girls they meet at a party? [They can find plenty of easy girls there]
Why bother seducing a married woman when he can find easier and better ways to bang a woman?

Or, let's say the OM is married and he likes having affairs for the thrill of getting caught...
isn't it easier for him to try it with a single girl?
Why go through so much trouble??


And I'll never understand SINGLE OMs who go for married women. Oh well...it could be the idea of having what's already taken? Does he feel like a real man being able to make a married woman get laid so that he can show off to his friends??
Either way I don't think it's worth the effort.

************************************************

Hence, this makes me think that OMs might not always go after a married woman just for sex. I mean, everybody can have sex..so where's the big deal?
There must be something more.  What is it? It can't be just sex..
Who would one like to ruin a marriage or two just for the thrill of getting caught and the excitement that this brings?

There must be some attraction [beyond the physical one] that makes OM go after a married women. 

When a WW comes here and confesses to having cheated on her H, the first things she's gets told is "You know he only wants sex". And I'm like "wait a second, it couldn't be just that.."

Or am I being just naive?

p.s. In no way do I support affairs or third people in a relationship/marriage but sometimes it sounds unfair to say that the only thing OM wants from a married woman is sex.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Sex with zero commitment. There is zero chance of having to support her, of her wanting to move in with him, and zero chance of having to raise a child fathered by her. I think that is a big part of the draw. It is also a way to have several sex partners going at the same time without worrying too much about being discovered by one of the women, because the situation is already one of cheating.

I also think that maybe a married woman who is making herself somewhat available is an easy target. She is apparently looking for a hookup, so he figures his odds are good. In contrast, a single woman may be on the prowl but she is likely to be much more discriminating, which reduces any one man's chances with her.

Some men like the idea of winning another man's woman. There is probably some evolutionary thing going on where he can father a child yet have another many have to expend resources to raise that child. Cuckolding.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Well,my wife had an EA with ex hs bf,even met him a few times.
He got a kick out of breaking up families,then move into the house and live the good life for awhile.Get everything he could,sex,stuff,money and a place to stay for awhile.
I caught it fairly early.
Now I dont think he'll try this crap on another family again,he paid a high price for trying. )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't know if you really want answers or what, but here goes...

1. There's lots of married women out there that don't need to be seduced, no matter what they say when they're caught. There out there looking for sex just like the guys.

2. Married people like having affairs with other married people because its "safer". A married partner would be more likely to understand the time constraints, discretion, and relationship limitations. A single partner is likely to want "more" sooner or later, and has less to lose with regards to exposure.

3. Many people (married or single) like to have some kind of connection with their sex partners. You don't get that with ONS's or prostitutes. Plus by getting to know your partner, you don't need to worry as much about STD's. Or at least you can know what you're getting into.

C


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Thor said:


> Sex with zero commitment. There is zero chance of having to support her, of her wanting to move in with him, and zero chance of having to raise a child fathered by her.


This goes for every affair. Not just for the OM.
What you say is true, but the OM can have the very same benefits with ONS, prostitutes, friends with benefits, random girls...

Why he chooses a married woman then?





> It is also a way to have several sex partners going at the same time without worrying too much about being discovered by one of the women, because the situation is already one of cheating.


He can date several girls at a time and bang all of them.

Why he chooses a married woman, instead?



> I also think that maybe a married woman who is making herself somewhat available is an easy target.


Easy targets are also the category of girls I mentioned above.

Why he chooses a married woman then?



> a single woman may be on the prowl but she is likely to be much more discriminating, which reduces any one man's chances with her.


How is a single woman more discriminated than a married woman who becomes a wh*re?



> Some men like the idea of winning another man's woman. There is probably some evolutionary thing going on where he can father a child yet have another many have to expend resources to raise that child. Cuckolding.


Again, he can take his friend's GF if he wants to have another man's woman. 

Why choose a married woman?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sex with zero commitment PLUS once you get it going its going to be reliable sex without the need to warm her up beforehand. She's going to be arriving for hookups ready for sex. If you go on a date you'll be spending money, with the hope of sex if it all works out.

With the married affair partner, when you meet up its going to be for sex, for sure. It's also going to be uninhibited wild sex because she's going to not only have gotten warmed up preparing for the hookup, but she's going to be putting in effort.

She's also not going to slow you down going out and hanging with friends, because other than hookup times, she's going to be busy with her family.

It's despicable, but I can see what the OM gets out of it.

Now, the flip side. Could the OM be in it for something other than sex? There is the flattery and attention he will be getting from her. Not to mention, that he will be getting a huge amount of sexual affirmation about how much he works her up and satisfies her.

He clearly isn't there for other things since she will be unable to render services that go along with real relationships, like going on walks, travelling, etc.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In the past I've done a few married women, it was just sex and hell if it wasn't going to be me it's going to be someone else anyway.

Do I want their baggage? No, never, it's just sex, win/win situation, I get sex, she gets sex, we enjoy and move on. And no I wouldn't even think of anything more than sex with a woman who cheats on her husband even with me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Prostitutes cost money and aren't of highest quality or cleanliness either. So not a good option.

Single girls for the most part will take more wooing and want more long term.

Then there are the very easy, very friendly crazy chicks who are about as good in bed as a person can be. Those any sane man learns to avoid because they carry much to high a cost on your life when the crazy side emerges. They can end up stealing your stuff and money, the can end up banging your buddies and ruining friendships, or they can be bringing along some nut job guy who's gonna come after you for being with her. .... Do not ever go with the crazy chicks!!!!

Btw, I think the similar advice to girls is never ever go with the drummer or the bass player.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

PBear said:


> I don't know if you really want answers or what, but here goes...
> 
> 1. There's lots of married women out there that don't need to be seduced, no matter what they say when they're caught. There out there looking for sex just like the guys.


This is about WS's intentions. 
I'm asking about OM's intentions for banging a married woman which differ from a married woman's intentions to bang the OM.



> 2. Married people like having affairs with other married people because its "safer". A married partner would be more likely to understand the time constraints, discretion, and relationship limitations. A single partner is likely to want "more" sooner or later, and has less to lose with regards to exposure.


Good answer! 
It explains why OM chooses a married woman.



> 3. Many people (married or single) like to have some kind of connection with their sex partners. You don't get that with ONS's or prostitutes. Plus by getting to know your partner, you don't need to worry as much about STD's. Or at least you can know what you're getting into.


Again, I like this answer. Now I'm realizing why.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> This goes for every affair. Not just for the OM.
> What you say is true, but the OM can have the very same benefits with ONS, prostitutes, friends with benefits, random girls...
> 
> Why he chooses a married woman then?


Well you've got me stumped! I've been out of the dating pool for 30+ years, and back then sex was a lot less available than now! Single women were generally looking for a guy to date rather than an easy ONS. Seducers might get a ONS, but much more common was getting sex in a week or two and then dumping her. Maybe ONS are so easy today that there is no difference between a single woman and a married woman on the prowl.

One example I know of is my wifes ex-bf from high school who is a professional musician. He has been known since his early 20's as targeting married women, including my wife last year btw. He has slept with many many married women in addition to some single women. Some pursued him and he pursued others. He definitely prefers the married women. With him I think it is the no risk of commitment angle and the ease of dumping her without worrying about her making a big scene.

One thing I did notice was that this ex-bf I refer to as Ass Clown got a lot of admiration from other guys and from other women! Strange. At least back in the single years other men seemed to think he was some kind of extra successful man because he slept with many married women. His exploits with married women were more admirable than his exploits with single women.

I bet those friends of his thought differently when they got married and their wives became potential targets of his.

And the women who were part of the extended social group were enamored with his exploits, too. Women are attracted to men who have other women, but it was a step up that he was bedding married women. Perhaps it was the bad-boy aspect.

So maybe all of this positive feedback from his friends when he was in his 20's encouraged him and made him feel manlier.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Not to mention, that he will be getting a huge amount of sexual affirmation about how much he works her up and satisfies her.
> .


Can't he get the very same affirmation from other unmarried girls?

Or maybe a married woman is more likely to give such affirmation given by how much unsatisfied she is by her husband?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Btw, I think the similar advice to girls is never ever go with the drummer or the bass player.



:smthumbup: :iagree:

Guitarists know how to use all of their fingers independently.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Btw, I think the similar advice to girls is never ever go with the drummer or the bass player.


Do you literally mean it? lol 

Why is that?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Sex was all the OM wanted in my wife's case. He bailed very quickly when she was officially available. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted some cash that she had access to as well.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

lg, you have alot for me to read so I will answer the title to your thread.

Yes!

Cuz its easy if you have the script, they invest some amount of time but the passion that is unleashed is way better then the single ckick that gets it when ever she has an itch.

OM has a crapping marriage(lie), wants the WW to work it out with her husband (lie), WW can relate and now has a new friend. OM want his mirrage to work but fights the uncontroling urgh for WW (lie), WW digs attention, they take the risk and meet, more fuel and excitement that hasn't been felt in years for WW, meet in hotel room and WW feels like sh!t, pays her dues for the "friendship" with more sex................ 

Sex with single chicks is no were near as exciting or challenging. They get it when ever they want. A snap of a fingure if you will.

**************disclaimer*******************

Out of the 20 men my fWW slept with....only a few turned her down cuz she was married, so what its worth the twenty something crowd has some morals.

sex is the currency for the affair!!!!!


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

The simple answer is that a married woman is the all-around safest bet to have clean NSA sex. She's committed and invested already, likely hasn't had many sexual partners for years (safest bet on the STD front), and if her husband is not rocking her world at home then it makes her an easier target because she's not satisfied at home and thus more susceptible to respond to stimulation that comes with sexual attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Geez, this entire thread makes me think about becoming a nun.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Prostitutes cost money and aren't of highest quality or cleanliness either. So not a good option.
> 
> Single girls for the most part will take more wooing and want more long term.
> 
> ...


Ya there sl^ts and then there crazy sl^t (chicks).

I wish I was back in the olden days when a chick had to wear a scarlet letter.....it would have been so much easier picking out a wife.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lol about the "crazy chicks"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bottled Up said:


> The simple answer is that a married woman is the all-around safest bet to have clean NSA sex. She's committed and invested already, likely hasn't had many sexual partners for years (safest bet on the STD front), and if her husband is not rocking her world at home then it makes her an easier target because she's not satisfied at home and thus more susceptible to respond to stimulation that comes with sexual attention.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same goes for ughly tweeker guys. They ain't getting much action!

Except for the tweeker GF that wants to kill WW


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> Do you literally mean it? lol
> 
> Why is that?


Drummers all seem to be a bit crazy, they also really do well with women, but they burn through a lot of them. Must be the rhythm and the focus.

Bass players, well the just are a little off for some reason I've never been able to pin down, but they tend to be the mst mellow, liad back, yet off guys.

either way, you might get fun, but you won't get long term.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Men rarely leave their wives. It is only for the sex they are in the relationship


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Ain't no fruit like the kind that's forbidden. 

/thread


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Cuckholding some poor bastard has clear biological advantages. Gives you the chance to put your genes into a child that can be raised by the resources of another guy.

Plus, these days you don't even have to fear much in the way of righteous fury of the offended husband. If he does something he will ruin his own life (jail...). So you have a low maintenance fvck buddy and the ego boost of beating the other guy for his wife's attentions.

But just sex isn't always the goal. Some guys will try to actually create a relationship out of it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I can imagine how **** deflating a discussion with a prostitute might be......a bj costs this; to swallow extra; to lick your ass, it costs that........

Regarding evolution when understanding a man wanting someone else to raise his child.....I remember watching Discovery, a program that showed the number of animals that use other animals to carry their children.......just think of the original film "Alien"


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

With a married woman there's no commitment, I think it's just about sex. Maybe the single guy wouldn't want a single girl because he's not looking for anything serious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Red Sonja said:


> Geez, this entire thread makes me think about becoming a nun.


:lol: :rofl:


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Without wanting to hijack a thread, I decided to create a new one, quoting one of the HIGHLY respected (for me personally) posters here on TAM, who, just like many other members, has similar ideas to this one (when referring to the OM):
> 
> 
> Now, as you can see from these sentences and other ones similar, like "He's only hoping/looking for sex"....it feels like sex is difficult to get, when (nowadays) it's actually NOT.
> ...


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Bottled Up said:


> The simple answer is that a married woman is the all-around safest bet to have clean NSA sex. She's committed and invested already, likely hasn't had many sexual partners for years (safest bet on the STD front), and if her husband is not rocking her world at home then it makes her an easier target because she's not satisfied at home and thus more susceptible to respond to stimulation that comes with sexual attention.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes i agree i think vulnerability and easy prey come to mind


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

> Do OMs always want just sex with a married woman?


No. But it's the price the OM pays so they can play cribbage together. Good cribbage competitors are hard to find so they are generally willing to make the sacrifice.


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

Can't argue with the comments that were already made. This is exactly what happened with my wife. The OM doesn't have to worry AT ALL about maintaining any kind of relationship with her in order to get sex. One email, one phone call, one text is all that's needed from him to get her engines fired up to give him the porn-star treatment as opposed to the husband, who allegedly could never satisfy her (why marry him if he couldn't?). And who is more likely to be carrying an STD, a single woman who has been with guys she'll never tell you about, or a married one who has likely been with the same guy for years?

Also, a married woman will not be interested in going out with another man on multiple dates, trips to the mall, et al like a lot of single women would. When a married woman comes over, you know that you're having sex that night. There's no need of having to talk her into it or take her out to some expensive club or restaurant to get her in the mood later on; that's what her husband's there for. If you are some sort of player, married women who think they're not getting the attention at home from hubby, are much easier targets.

So let's bottom line this one. A married woman is an easier target for guys because she's more understanding, she can't demand that much of your time, and more appreciative of the attention that the OM is paying her, which leads to more unadulterated sexual encounters. Happened to me; happened to a lot of people on this board...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

They just want their needs met. Sex happens to be one of those needs. What percentage of the motivation is strictly sexual gratification is very individual. When you break it down, I dont think thats the main need being satified. Conquest, Ego, Attention, Affection, etc, etc, etc... I would suspect its a complicated web of dysfunction driving the need to fvck married women... IMHO.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

There's a sub-culture of people (can't remember what they call themselves) that only want sex with married people almost like a fetish.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Emerald said:


> There's a sub-culture of people (can't remember what they call themselves) that only want sex with married people almost like a fetish.


The name off that sub culture is @sswholes.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

ubercoolpanda said:


> With a married woman there's no commitment, I think it's just about sex. Maybe the single guy wouldn't want a single girl because he's not looking for anything serious.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are single girls out there who don't want serious commitment and I don't think they are hard to find.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> There are single girls out there who don't want serious commitment and I don't think they are hard to find.


I think they are called 'hookers'


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Not always. but, of course, sex will happen, anyway, somewhere along the line.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Prostitutes cost money and aren't of highest quality or cleanliness either. So not a good option.
> 
> Single girls for the most part will take more wooing and want more long term.
> 
> ...


C'mon, now! One of my closest friends is married to a drummer for an 80's cover band. They've been married for 15 years and have two little girls! He's a devoted family man..... Of course, his wife has never missed a single gig... not one!  LOL


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The guy that had my wife could get better looking women if he wanted. He was screwing one for years. She was married though and he did not really want her since she didn't make a decent living. How do I know? I worked with him and the stories at work were fairly rampant. 
He found that in my wife. She started her own business and once successful, she gained her confidence and left.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

I think more often than not she gets pursued by the OM 'in spite of' being married not 'because' she's married.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Without wanting to hijack a thread, I decided to create a new one, quoting one of the HIGHLY respected (for me personally) posters here on TAM, who, just like many other members, has similar ideas to this one (when referring to the OM):
> 
> 
> Now, as you can see from these sentences and other ones similar, like "He's only hoping/looking for sex"....it feels like sex is difficult to get, when (nowadays) it's actually NOT.
> ...


IMO, a married man might seek out a married woman to have an affair with because he feels that like him, she is just looking for sex, not a relationship. 

That usually backfires on men, though, IMO, because most men only want a no strings thrilling affair and far too many OW's want to trade to a new spouse, and/or they are into the thrill of the conquest of taking a man from his wife.

Studies show that most people in affairs follow a script. 

Studies show that most cheating men only want thrilling extracurricular sex with no responsibilities. 

Studies show most cheating women are unhappy and looking to trade up to either a wealthier or better looking husband. 

My spouse fit this pattern. 

Wanted the thrill of extracurricular no strings sex, 

And his OW fit the pattern, too. 

She wanted a better looking but still financially stable man because she said she never ever was attracted to her husband and married him for financial reasons only. OW's spouse comes from a very wealthy family.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Married OM want someone who has an equal amount to lose if caught. That lessens the chance of getting caught. Men are afraid of single girls like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. That role struck terror in the hearts of WH's!


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

We are all addicted to dopamine, it is the force that moves us to crave food, sex, alcohol, rest, entertainment, all the good feelings and pleasures the body wants. Whip it instead!


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I should ask my wife's OM what he was thinking. 
I am sure I'll get a very interesting answer. But doubt he'll ever want to see me, or be within running distance of me.

But here is one thing I find very interesting, and rather scary:

Let's say you are the OM in the relationship. Well, what do you have to lose?
IF you get the woman pregnant, what is she going to do? She will be so full of hormones and chemicals, I am willing to bet my next paycheck, that she would rather lie and cuckold her husband that tell him the truth. 
Because she wants the family to stay together, and she doesn't want to lose the OM, or her family. 

So what does the OM have to fear? HE won't be forced to pay because the hubby will be an unknowing cuckold for him, and the wife will certainly never tell. Because she knows no husband could ever forget that (that is, assuming the husband is a man and not a beta whipped pansy)

So I imagine there is security there. If he was with a single woman, she could tie him down with child support. A married woman can't do that. So it gives him more freedom. 
Plus, I am willing to be there is a lot more sex involved, because the wife has to live two relationships. So every time they meet, probably ends up in sex just because of hormones and chemicals and how the brain works and the type of man that will be a OM. So he has to put in half as much effort/time and money, to get the same amount of sex he would from a single woman. 

Really, the only risk an OM is taking is a husband that may try to find him, and beat the sh!t out of him.


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## Doc Who (Sep 9, 2012)

Juicer pretty much nailed it. Married OMs target married women because they are far less complicated than single women. They hate their husbands, are willing to give easy sex for the price of a text, and the down side is very little. WWs will not out the affair, they will keep pregnancies secret or attribute fatherhood to the betrayed husband.

Really, it is an easy game for married OMs. You just need to abandon your soul to play.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No. Not always. Sometimes it is a case of falling head over heels in love with someone. Someone who then turns out to be married.

As I have mentioned before, this happened to me in May 1989. We are still together, now.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

So, you fell in love with a married woman? 

If yes then karma is a b*tch because she cheated on you with another man just like she cheated with you back in the day when you knew her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> So, you fell in love with a married woman?
> 
> If yes then karma is a b*tch because she cheated on you with another man just like she cheated with you back in the day when you knew her.


I know. I already made that point in a previous thread of mine. I had my run in with the karma bus and I knew I deserved it. 

However, I feel I should point out that her husband made it perfectly clear that he was fully aware of what was happening and he asked for a meeting with me. We had a long talk. He told me he knew his cheating had wrecked his marriage, his health was failing, that he knew he was dying (due to an old motorbike accident) and he needed to know that his wife would be looked after and taken good care of after he was dead.

He asked me to take an oath to look after her. I was honoured and humbled to be able to do this. *The promise I made to him I have taken very seriously and intend to until I am dead.*.


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

When I was cheating on my first wife I only wanted sex. If the OW started complaining I broke contact. I wasn't looking to have more women *****ing at me. lol


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

Wow Matt, You are a stand up guy. 




MattMatt said:


> I know. I already made that point in a previous thread of mine. I had my run in with the karma bus and I knew I deserved it.
> 
> However, I feel I should point out that her husband made it perfectly clear that he was fully aware of what was happening and he asked for a meeting with me. We had a long talk. He told me he knew his cheating had wrecked his marriage, his health was failing, that he knew he was dying (due to an old motorbike accident) and he needed to know that his wife would be looked after and taken good care of after he was dead.
> 
> He asked me to take an oath to look after her. I was honoured and humbled to be able to do this. *The promise I made to him I have taken very seriously and intend to until I am dead.*.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Doc Who said:


> Juicer pretty much nailed it. Married OMs target married women because they are far less complicated than single women. They hate their husbands, are willing to give easy sex for the price of a text, and the down side is very little. WWs will not out the affair, they will keep pregnancies secret or attribute fatherhood to the betrayed husband.
> 
> Really, it is an easy game for married OMs. You just need to abandon your soul to play.


Oh crap!

Occam's Razor!

So who do married men meet? Married neighborhood women or (mostly) married working companions.

Who does a married man cheat with? People from work. Is it because he sold his soul? Is it because he was saying "Oh...I want to risk my ENTIRE LIFE and assets today."

No. They are familiar. They are friendly. They are 'adult' about it. They 'banter'. And since they are adults, they get risque.

Now SOME clowns think that they are owed any woman who shows willing. These are called moral degenerates.

Many more cheating men actually have SOME feelings for their lovers. Granted, they throw them under the bus if they need to because the majority of their feelings are still for their kids, 401k and ...oh yeah...the wife too. (If she was #1 he wouldn't be cheating, would he?)

This seems much more plausible to me.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I think the problem you people on this site make sometimes, is you people are all logical in your thinking, or at least try to be. 

Some people just have absolute sh!t morals! People that cheat in a marriage tend to be one of them. GENERALLY!

But you people are trying to understand from a logical viewpoint, "Why go after married women? Why go after married people in the first place? Why blah blah blah." 

Cheaters aren't rational! If they were, then they would probably realize "Hm...cheating is a bad idea, it will destroy my marriage, my children, and my spouse. So I'll just divorce so I can go out and then have fun."

You guys are trying to logically come to a conclusion about an illogical behavior. 

Like, back in high school, I did a lot of stupid things. 
If I was to try and logically analyze them now, all I could say was at the time, it sounded funny, and I thought "What the hell."

What do you think the arguement a cheater will bring up is? 
"I was horny, my spouse wasn't there, but someone else was." 

They won't have a logical arguement, because they weren't thinking logically at t the time. 

Rant done.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Broken at 20 said:


> Cheaters aren't rational! If they were, then they would probably realize "Hm...cheating is a bad idea, it will destroy my marriage, my children, and my spouse. So I'll just divorce so I can go out and then have fun."
> 
> You guys are trying to logically come to a conclusion about an illogical behavior.


Some cheaters are just reacting to animal instincts. Others, though, maybe most are reacting to a calculated choice. They don't want to give up the benefits of the family but they also want this other stuff too. Getting divorced costs a boatload of money, it means losing time with the kids, it means losing a lot of comfortable aspects to life. So they think they can get a little secret excitement on the side and keep the good parts of the family, too.

I don't think affairs are necessarily illogical, but they are the result of faulty analysis.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

JCD said:


> Many more cheating men actually have SOME feelings for their lovers. Granted, they throw them under the bus if they need to because the majority of their feelings are still for their kids, 401k and ...oh yeah...the wife too. (If she was #1 he wouldn't be cheating, would he?)
> 
> This seems much more plausible to me.


Good point. I think a large proportion of cheating men are very emotionally attached to the OW.

They won't admit it when caught, mine didn't.

Still the emails, forwarded to me anonymously said otherwise. 

Also, some of his behavior and even words on Dday said otherwise. 

He was very concerned about the OWs wellbeing and begged me not to ruin her life by calling her husband. 

It was all so surreal. 

The fact that here I was bleeding from a knife to the back, and he was concerned about the OWs marriage and well being, when the OW had NO CONCERN ABOUT MY MARRAIGE, just blew me away. 

It was so insensitive to me, and so sensitive to the OW.

There are books on infidelity in which the MC's mention that ALL affairs are emotional and physical affairs. It's rarely just sexual even though the cheater may claim that to try to salvage the marriage.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> This goes for every affair. Not just for the OM.
> What you say is true, but the OM can have the very same benefits with ONS, prostitutes, friends with benefits, random girls...
> 
> Why he chooses a married woman then?
> ...


I think it is a good argument that two married people who are just looking for extracurricular sex rather than divorce will be more understanding of the need to sneak around. 

A single women will also want far more time and attention and won't want to sneak around. 

So for a married man a married female affair partner is a SAFER choice.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Sex with zero commitment PLUS once you get it going its going to be reliable sex without the need to warm her up beforehand. She's going to be arriving for hookups ready for sex. If you go on a date you'll be spending money, with the hope of sex if it all works out.
> 
> With the married affair partner, when you meet up its going to be for sex, for sure. It's also going to be uninhibited wild sex because she's going to not only have gotten warmed up preparing for the hookup, but she's going to be putting in effort.
> 
> ...


I agree with most of this post. 

But part of the ego gratification for some cheating men IS to spend money on the OW, many of whom are into being pampered and want money spent on them. 

Many cheating men do travel with the woman and do go out to dinners and engage in recreational activities, for the ego strokes of the affair. 

Spending money may make the cheater feel like a big shot, and that's why so many men do spend a lot of money on the affair partner.

Married woman often cheat because they feel they are not getting enough romantic attention from their husband. 

Also, perhaps the OW's husband is working a lot and does not shower them with gifts or trips or dinners out.

I found out how much money and the dating aspects of my STBEH affair ONLY because I received so many forwarded email threads, and letters with proof and photographs.

My STBEH denied being emotionally attached to her, and claimed he spent very little money on her. 

I only found out otherwise because someone snitched on him.

If not for that, I would have believed his lies.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> I know. I already made that point in a previous thread of mine. I had my run in with the karma bus and I knew I deserved it.
> 
> However, I feel I should point out that her husband made it perfectly clear that he was fully aware of what was happening and he asked for a meeting with me. We had a long talk. He told me he knew his cheating had wrecked his marriage, his health was failing, that he knew he was dying (due to an old motorbike accident) and he needed to know that his wife would be looked after and taken good care of after he was dead.
> 
> He asked me to take an oath to look after her. I was honoured and humbled to be able to do this. *The promise I made to him I have taken very seriously and intend to until I am dead.*.


Writing a screen play, are you?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> Spending money may make the cheater feel like a big shot, and that's why so many men do spend a lot of money on the affair partner.


I think this is what was going on with my fiance when he was courting his EA. There may have also been the challenge factor as he has admitted to me that he knew about this other guy she was dating 4 weeks before they took a trip together.


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## Son of Kong (Jul 12, 2012)

Whether it is a cheating spouse or the other person who is involved with them these people are broken. The ability to set aside your vows, your morals, your respect for your spouse or in the OP's part just lack of basic respect for another human just for sex or a sexual conquest is a huge character flaw.
When you see so many people who do stay married or together for a long time and never cheat or those who may divorce but the reason has nothing to do with infidelity, that should tell you that cheating is not normal behavior. It will be a sad time when fidelity will be the abnormal behavior but from all you read and hear it seems like that is closer to reality than we think.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think infidelity is more common than fidelity. Probably always has been.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tonyarz said:


> Wow Matt, You are a stand up guy.


Thanks. That means a lot to me. Thank you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Writing a screen play, are you?


No. And your sarcasm is ill-judged and not warranted, or deserved.

Perhaps you don't believe me? I could care a rodent's rear quarters for your opinion.
_
*I know what happened in my life*._ _You_ don't.

And guess what? I, and the other people on TAM who have had weird s**t happen to us? None of us require _*your*_ opinions as to our lives and what happened to us to seek validation from you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> No. And your sarcasm is ill-judged and not warranted, or deserved.
> 
> Perhaps you don't believe me? I could care a rodent's rear quarters for your opinion.
> _
> ...


Sorry, I didn't mean to be sarcastic. Just playful. I can delete it if you like.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Sorry, I didn't mean to be sarcastic. Just playful. I can delete it if you like.


Oh, OK. Sorry. Your post triggered me. Quite badly, too.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> No. And your sarcasm is ill-judged and not warranted, or deserved.
> 
> Perhaps you don't believe me? I could care a rodent's rear quarters for your opinion.
> _
> ...


Damn M&M,I dont ever want to get on your bad side!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

calvin said:


> Damn M&M,I dont ever want to get on your bad side!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry. It appears I still have issues with guilt, all these years later.

Shouldn't have reacted so badly. Damn.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Sorry. It appears I still have issues with guilt, all these years later.
> 
> Shouldn't have reacted so badly. Damn.


this is the place to work them out.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Sorry. It appears I still have issues with guilt, all these years later.
> 
> Shouldn't have reacted so badly. Damn.


Na,youre alright M&M! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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