# Does being denied keep it fresh?



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Maybe this is just due to my screwed up relationship with my wife. Not sure!

I find it exciting that I get denied sex. I would never admit this to my wife. 

Because I get denied probably 75% of the time, I find it exciting to see what is going to happen. I wonder if it would be boring to know that each time you approach your wife, she is game.

Is this strange or normal?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Wow, that's working pretty hard to see the bright side, but if it works for you, then go for it.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

lamaga said:


> Wow, that's working pretty hard to see the bright side, but if it works for you, then go for it.


I don't know, I've wondered this before too, because I rarely deny my H anything but sometimes I think maybe he loses the thrill of the chase that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Maybe this is just due to my screwed up relationship with my wife. Not sure!
> 
> I find it exciting that I get denied sex. I would never admit this to my wife.
> 
> ...


Wow is right. I think that works great in a dating scene but not so much in a comitted relationship. 

Being denied 75% of the time might be ok if you try for it multiple times in a day. Then I would just suggest you might want to scale that back some.

If you try for sex once a week and get denied 75% of the time you have a real problem.

If this were baseball it would not be so bad and you could try to up this to 3 out of 10 or maybe just swing for the fences when you do get to the plate.

I have not followed your situation but I might suggest that being in tune with how your wife is feeling towards you might be an indicator if she is up for the idea at all. Not sure why you have to get turned down per se. Do you go for the Gold even when you know that she is not going to be in the mood? 

Trust me I don't like fear and I am all about nothing ventured nothing gained, but if one considers that day foreplay for the next time, then you may have a better idea if she is connecting with you or not.

I have no doubt I have missed the mark here.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Not for me, and I don't think the vast majority of husbands see it that way. Much more exciting for her to want me.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> I don't know, I've wondered this before too, because I rarely deny my H anything but sometimes I think maybe he loses the thrill of the chase that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This can be accomplished not with a denial but with a small delay. It then becomes somewhat of a tease. Maybe with the promise of something more special later. But I would suggest that be a minority situation. Not 75% of the time. That is just emotional cruelty in my opinion and more of a power game than anything else.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I guess I was overstating the 75%. Feels like 75% sometimes. 

Typically, say after three days, I might give it a shot. If things are going well the next day, maybe try again. Maybe the morning of the fifth or sixth day. 

Hey, I guess 75% of the time would be pretty close.

You are correct that sometimes I don't read her mood too well. Sometimes she is wearing her 'maybe' pajamas (other thread) and it throws me off.

Another problem with my wife is her fear of intimacy. Even if she is somewhat in the mood, she has a hard time showing me. So I find myself testing the waters, to see her mood. Sometimes, it takes some 'pushing' to get her to open up. Sometimes that pushing results in rejection.

I have come to understand her pretty well. We make it work. Every few months we go through a spell where my example above gets to day 20 or so. At this point I get pretty frustrated, angry, hurt, etc.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Gee whiz, Sad Sam. Every 5-6 days? Every 20 days?

Sheesh.

You know what the old saying is, put everyone's troubles in a pile and you'd be happy to take your own back.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Maybe this is just due to my screwed up relationship with my wife. Not sure!
> 
> I find it exciting that I get denied sex. I would never admit this to my wife.
> 
> ...


Well, if she was too easy or too accessible, the thrill of the chase would be gone, right? You seem to like the pursuit and the occasional hard to get thing. Not all people do. I think there should be a balance between getting it when you want and occasionally having to work for it to keep things from becoming complacent. Of course, being denied all the time would eventually work as negative reinforcement and you'd stop initiating.


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## intrigid (May 21, 2012)

IMO you definitely have a strange fetish. Getting pleasure out of being turned down for sex is just WAY beyond my comprehension.


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

I love making my H chase me  I'm a bit evil that way.
But there's a difference between 'flirty denial' and just plain 'not now, dear, I have to wash my hair'.

I think 'flirty denial' (kissing then stop, butt-slap then RUN, etc) certainly keeps things 'fresh'... Not sur ewhat you're experiencing though 



> Another problem with my wife is her fear of intimacy. Even if she is somewhat in the mood, she has a hard time showing me. So I find myself testing the waters, to see her mood. Sometimes, it takes some 'pushing' to get her to open up. Sometimes that pushing results in rejection.


Do you flirt with your wife, SadSam?
That's the best way not only to 'test' the waters, but to keep things building up and exciting. Make her want you, man


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Maybe this is just due to my screwed up relationship with my wife. Not sure!
> 
> I find it exciting that I get denied sex. I would never admit this to my wife.
> 
> ...


For me denial would eventually lead to resentment, not excitement. Flirting, teasing, playing hard to get for a while maybe...but out and out denial just makes me feel bad about myself and resentful of him for making me feel that way.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

moxy said:


> Well, if she was too easy or too accessible, the thrill of the chase would be gone, right? You seem to like the pursuit and the occasional hard to get thing. Not all people do.


I did a thread once asking Men if they revel in the "thrill of the chase", a woman who is not easy but dangles and denies...so he can keep chasing...and finally wins the prey, brings her to her knees ...under his charm...... it appears the more Alpha males are definitely like this... Even in the bedroom, they like SUBTLE, not overt, too easy bores them --this was the overwhelming response I got... I took the thread down cause I felt my husband sounded rather "strange" in comparison. 

He has never cared for the "Chase"....even in dating... He's told me he loves me being "EASY"....knowing I want him too -this is what does it for him. He said "a little subtle, a little tease" is just as good though, so long as no rejection is happening..... if I give him any indication I am not into him, he would just roll over and deny himself. (enough yrs like that -unfortunately in our past ) 

I am so happy he feels this way -cause if not, I would likely be very frustrated feeling I had to play "hard to get" to turn him on. This would grow old for me very fast -since my drive was way higher not too long ago. 



> I wonder if it would be boring to know that each time you approach your wife, she is game.


 I would think if the sex is driven more for the emotional connection ....it wouldn't grow old....but remain fresh & fullfilling every day.


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

For me it only breeds resentment.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

I'd better my odds quick.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Drover said:


> Not for me, and I don't think the vast majority of husbands see it that way. Much more exciting for her to want me.












I think it has to be equal. Each wanting and seducing/wanting eachother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

To answer your question, NO. 

However, me and my wife hav made daily sex part of our marriage, the same as we both know we are coming straight home after work to be with our family. It's part of our schedule, but not scheduled. For instance, I asked my wife yesterday before we showered, if I could slide inside her real quick. I was solid ready. She said NO. That turned me on more and I wanted her so bad. Later that night, I feel asleep first, my wife hopped on me. When I woke up, she was sitting on my face tickle stroking...... this time it was painful solid. 

Point is, I see your point, but since me and my wife have established sex is as important to our body (marriage) as washing or brushing our teeth, we make sure we spend time together no matter what. If she turns me down, it's to tease me for later, and I like it. For 13 years she never said no, so it feels good to know sometimes we are on her time.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Maybe this is just due to my screwed up relationship with my wife. Not sure!
> 
> I find it exciting that I get denied sex. I would never admit this to my wife.
> 
> ...


Hmm... don't know that I can judge whether it's strange or normal.

But, both my husband and I do find it arousing to be teased and flirted with ... which is effectively being denied in the moment for future gratification. There is something to be said for the thrill of the chase.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I did a thread once asking Men if they revel in the "thrill of the chase", a woman who is not easy but dangles and denies...so he can keep chasing...and finally wins the prey, brings her to her knees ...under his charm...... it appears the more Alpha males are definitely like this... Even in the bedroom, they like SUBTLE, not overt, too easy bores them --this was the overwhelming response I got... I took the thread down cause I felt my husband sounded rather "strange" in comparison.
> 
> He has never cared for the "Chase"....even in dating... He's told me he loves me being "EASY"....knowing I want him too -this is what does it for him. He said "a little subtle, a little tease" is just as good though, so long as no rejection is happening..... if I give him any indication I am not into him, he would just roll over and deny himself. (enough yrs like that -unfortunately in our past )
> 
> ...


You guys sound so much like us it's uncanny. My wife likes to boast to me how easy she is. She grew up in a repressed household so being easy is kind of a taboo turn on for her. However, I still chase my wife even when she doesn't need to be chased just because I want her to feel my desire for her. Sometimes she resists a little, but only when she in the mood for that kind of thing.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

not at all

id be out the door if sex became a game and we could not communicate.


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