# Advice on picture



## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

The question I have is about the picture I have used as my avatar. I feel this is the right section to post in because this picture has caused many fights and accusations about the man in the picture. Please feel free to respond if you are a professional photographer, just take pics for fun or don't take pictures. 

This is a picture that was taken on accident. It was on a school field trip. My daughter goes to a small school and parents are responsible for driving and watching the children that rode with them. My husband says it is too perfect a picture, no motion blur, man centered main focus, man looking at camera etc..

I was looking through the camera at the animal in the cage behind the man to the right. I was prepared to take a picture when I looked and turned to the left to check on my daughter and the girl that rode with us (the two girls whose backs are on the left). At that time I must have pressed the button on accident. I do not remember the man standing there and it looks like he was bent down at the time just standing up with the girl. When my daughter and I got home we put the pics on the computer to look at and that is when I saw the picture and could not figure out how I took it. At the time my husband was home but busy so when I asked if he wanted to look at the pictures he said no. Because I did not go back to him at a later time or when I saw this picture, interrupt him and ask him to look, this makes me look guilty like I was trying to hide it. I understand this is my fault. 

I do not know this man. I have never spoken to this man. I have not seen him on another field trip. 

Thanks for any help that can be given. Just your thoughts on the picture or even if anyone has ever taken a picture on accident and it turned out looking good.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I have read your post and I don't really see why the arguments.
If you had something to hide, you would have deleted the photo.

I don't see why you blame yourself either.
Sometimes it happens, and the photo shot comes out either blurry or focused. The camera automatically focuses.

Is there some other history of infidelity between you and your husband?
Have you ever given him reason to be suspicious?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

As CB has said, a modern camera auto focuses and they are designed to make sure that faces are clear in shots.

It hardly looks like a carefully set up picture. Difficult to say without seeing a larger version but it would be remarkably harsh to make a judgement based on this alone - especially given the other facts you have described.

I suspect this is the tip of a different iceberg, however.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

so you are aware, not that it applies here, sometimes cheaters "project". IOW make accusations when they are the cheater because since they cheat then others must cheat


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> so you are aware, not that it applies here, sometimes cheaters "project". IOW make accusations when they are the cheater because since they cheat then others must cheat


I was thinking the same thing AR!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Major trust issues in the marriage I see...


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## SevenEight (Feb 6, 2013)

I agree that you would have deleted it if you really were hiding something. If it were me being accused I might go out of my way to show that there is nothing being hidden. You can get software that recovers deleted files from your camera's memory card to show that there is nothing there. Maybe do that together with your husband.

And then after that, figure out why there is such paranoia/insecurity coming from him.

I wish you well.


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

Yes, we have years of fighting,suspicion, lies and mistrust in each other. This is just one issue of many. We are working on our relationship and going back through old issues trying to prove anything we can to build trust. My husband says there is no way this picture could have been taken on accident. We decided that I would post it to get people opinions and it might make him feel different about this one issue.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

llhelp said:


> Yes, we have years of fighting,suspicion, lies and mistrust in each other. This is just one issue of many. We are working on our relationship and going back through old issues trying to prove anything we can to build trust. My husband says there is no way this picture could have been taken on accident. We decided that I would post it to get people opinions and it might make him feel different about this one issue.


Are you aware of any reasons as to why your H is so insecure?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

llhelp said:


> Yes, we have years of fighting,suspicion, lies and mistrust in each other. This is just one issue of many. We are working on our relationship and going back through old issues trying to prove anything we can to build trust. My husband says there is no way this picture could have been taken on accident. We decided that I would post it to get people opinions and it might make him feel different about this one issue.


If it's any help, I have been a keen photographer for over 30 years, have several qualifications on the subject and am also remarkably cynical. I think it looks like it could well have been accidentally taken.

Good luck.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Hi, so let me share a story that seems relevant:

One night, 6 months after we got married, my wife went out on a girls night out.

She hung around with a bunch of contractors at the place she works. She was interested in them, them in her.

She took some pictures with them. Not anything crazy, just "hey stand next to me and let me take your picture" type stuff.

So she went out with them, got drunk, went back to the hotel with one of em and cheated on me.

The next day, she tells me about it. I go a little nutso, and really still haven't been sane since.

However, one of the first things I do is check the internet history.

I learn she created a second email address, emailed herself the pictures of her with the guy she cheated on me with on this second secret account, and deleted the pictures from our camera.

In other words, she was digitally "hiding" them, in a place where she'd always and forever be able to access them. Similar to hiding a paper picture under the floorboards.

This is how a cheater would behave. Stash the picture and never let it see the light of day. Expose is what kills affairs and cheating.

Does this sound like what you are doing? Hiding the picture? Keeping it to yourself? Making sure it's not discovered?

No


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

llhelp said:


> Yes, we have years of fighting,suspicion, lies and mistrust in each other. This is just one issue of many. We are working on our relationship and going back through old issues trying to prove anything we can to build trust. My husband says there is no way this picture could have been taken on accident. We decided that I would post it to get people opinions and it might make him feel different about this one issue.


Has there been any issues of infidelity in the past by either both or one of you?


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Has there been any issues of infidelity in the past by either both or one of you?


No infidelity, but many reasons to mistrust and accuse for both of us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Major trust issues in the marriage I see...


Yes there are. We are wanting to build trust and
possibly make some issues go away.This is something we
Decided to do that we thought might help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

llhelp said:


> Yes, we have years of fighting,suspicion, lies and mistrust in each other. This is just one issue of many. We are working on our relationship and going back through old issues trying to prove anything we can to build trust. My husband says there is no way this picture could have been taken on accident. We decided that I would post it to get people opinions and it might make him feel different about this one issue.


Your husband is wrong. And I take photographs as part of my job working as a newspaper journalist, so I have some experience in this field.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You have no idea who this dude is? Because he does appear to be looking right at you. My phone camera (Samung Galaxy III) does blur the pic if it isn't held steady. But my Nikon doesn't blur almost at all. 

Why don't you try an experiment with your husband and try to recreate an innocent accidental snapshot. See how much it blurs. 

The fact that he is centered isn't relevant at all btw - completely could be serendipity.

However your marriage is in deep doodoo if a picture like this, out in the open - not hidden at all can cause such mistrust. (of course he thinks that you may have deleted other pictures from the trip and kept the more innocent looking one as a keepsake) but jeez - a little trust?


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

Thanks for all the comments so far. We no longer have that camera or memory card. We had tried to do some recreation but were fighting the entire time so it did not go well. The picture was not hidden. It was on the computer in the same folder with all other pics. No pictures were deleted from that day. I do not know him, have not spoken to him or seen him again. There was one other picture of this man that I did take on purpose. There is a bird cage you can walk into and have birds land on you a feed them. Everyone was walking in, I was a few steps ahead. He was the first person with a bird to land on him. We heard everyone getting excited so we turned around to see what happened. He said to everyone someone take a picture, and I did take one with my camera. Looking back it was stupid to take a picture of a stranger, but it was a really cool bird cage and I still like going to zoos at my age.
This would give my husband additional reasons to feel I am lying.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

There was no reason for you not to delete the picture in the first place since the only thing clear is the OM. It is not a decent peicture of your kids. Why did you not delete it. Now you have two pictures of the same man. I can see how your husband, if he doesn't trust you anyway, would be offended. And with such a picture its easy to say, Oh, it was just a mistake, while you are secretly keeping a picture of a boyfriend.

I have no opinion what is real here, but if he doesn't trust you, I can see why he thinks you are lying.

BTW, I would have deleted the picture under the same circumstances since what you have is just a picture of a nice looking stranger.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I think this is really a silly thing to argue over. Both my husband and I take photos on accident with the camera and our apple devices. Often there are strangers who will look in the camera and smile. It happens, especially on vacation!

Your husband is very insecure.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Random thoughts....

If you are cheating, you need to get better at it. Taking a picture of an affair partner or potential AP and keeping it on your camera is really a rediculous mistake. If you are cheating, I would just get divorced because your not going to be able to pull this off. Hubby's radar is going wild, it's a matter of time till you get caught.

Chances are you aren't though. 

In which case, its just a picture. If it's not this picture, it will be something else that makes him suspicious. If for what ever reason he is fixated on fighting with or distrusting you, he will find something else. Solving the question of the picture in the court of internet opinion isn't going to fix anything. It's just a symptom and not the problem.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Do you have a habit of randomly talking to strange men? Are you very outgoing and friendly to all people?

Cause I'm having a hard time imagining that A single picture (or even two) of a stranger would cause this kind of reation.

So...what are the other underlying issues?


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

at the time I was more confused as to how I took the picture, it did not cross my mind to delete it. i have never looked at the picture again until my husband showed it to me. The question is not should he be suspicious or think i am lying, because I am sure i would think the same of him. He told me I took this picture on purpose (with many accusations to follow) He said it could not have been accidental.


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

We do not think it will fix anything to post here but maybe help to hear other opinions. I am not cheating, we are trying to find ways to fix our relationship and rebuild trust. We can not afford counseling. If anyone knows of free online counseling, please let me know.


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

I do not have the habit of talking to strange men, I am not outgoing or friendly. I actually do not like crowds and get nervous. There are many underlying issues, so I understand him calling me a liar. We just wanted to hear other opinions if anyone has ever taken an accidental picture similar to this.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

If I were taking a picture of my lover, THAT is not the pose I would choose and I would certainly take care that it wasn't seen by the spouse.

The only way this would be a cheating circumstance is if the WS (wayward spouse) was in an emotional affair with the pictured man and in denial as to the true nature of their relationshp.

HOWEVER, since the WS would consider the man 'a friend' they are unlikely to deny knowing the person at all.

So...sir...why do you think your wife is a congenital idiot? For the record, women are MUCH better at concealing affairs than your wife is currently showing.

So either she's an idiot cheater...or she's actually telling the truth.

I'll leave it to you to figure out which.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

If your coming here seeking opinions, solutions and suggestions on repairing the issues in your marriage... perhaps you should share them.???? 

If you give a incomplete or inaccurate picture, chances are you will get incomplete and inaccurate feedback from this community. 

What are the underlying issues you have referred too?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

llhelp said:


> There are many underlying issues, so I understand him calling me a liar. We just wanted to hear other opinions if anyone has ever taken an accidental picture similar to this.


That's the real issue here. I believe the picture is innocent but the distrust over it shines light into huge lies in the past. 

a) Stop the trust destructive behavior: no more lies from now on. There are books to practice stop lying (a way to control).
b) Arm yourself with patience, embrace the notion you are not trustworthy. Be consistent, not defensive. 

With time - actions matching words - trust can be rebuilt.


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

More than one person has asked what are the underlying issues. Do you mean of our entire relationship or of this issue. This is the first time I have posted here and was considering posting other issues later. I am the type of person to talk about one issue at a time. This photo, if it could have been taken accidentally and the fact that my husband thinks I cheated with this man. 

As to this issue: My husband does not go on field trips and every field trip is different. We stayed together as one large group from the entrance of the zoo to the bird cage. After that we split up into groups and were told to meet at the end of the day to do a head count. The lady in the pic was the other adult in my group. Because he is in the pic w/the lady from my group my husband says he was in my group also and I spent the entire day with him, flirting and enjoying his company.

My husband says because he is looking at the camera I must have called his name or been flirting with him or wanted him. 

One pic was taken right before the bird cage, one was taken in the bird cage. My husband says the time stamps were different which proves i was with him the whole day. It was an older camera, the time was not always right and the sd card slot door was broken. The door would come open, turn off the camera and reset day and time. I do not remember if the camera was broken for sure at this time, but we did replace the camera 6 months later. 

Two years later when he saw the pic and showed it to me, I had forgot about it, he was yelling and upset. I did not look at the pic and just started saying stuff about the pic like about the cage in background and how i thought the pic could have been taken. I did not know how I took the pic but just started saying stuff to calm him down. That was wrong and make me look like a liar.


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

Thank you for your advice. We have managed to rebuild some trust but always manage to knock it back down. We know it takes a lot of time. He does not have a lot of patience and I get very defensive which makes our conversations go very bad. I would say we do not lie to each other anymore but with the mistrust we think we are and have no way of proving it.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

No offense, I don't trust you either.

Could be me or just your communication style, but lots of alarms are starting to go off in my head.


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

no offense, my husband tells me the same thing. We have been fighting about this topic for four years now and had just finished a fight before I posted my last response. 

There have been some helpful comments and I appreciate it.


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## resolutionseekers (Feb 7, 2013)

I wonder how serendipity would explain one purposefully taken pic and one accidental of the same individual guy and wonder where this gaggle of kids and techers who are all supposed to be there are not in the pic and he happened to be with hime or near him twice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your daughter was on the field trip. Surely she can clear up whether or not this man was in your group and spent the day with all of you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

resolutionseekers said:


> I wonder how serendipity would explain one purposefully taken pic and one accidental of the same individual guy and wonder where this gaggle of kids and techers who are all supposed to be there are not in the pic and he happened to be with hime or near him twice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well,she said that the 2 pictures were taken within a few minutes of each other. The picture in her avitar was one when she was trying to take a photo of the bird cage behind him. Then the second picture was taken a few minutes later when they were all in the bird cage.

So they were in the same group of people going through the bird cage.


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## resolutionseekers (Feb 7, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Well,she said that the 2 pictures were taken within a few minutes of each other. The picture in her avitar was one when she was trying to take a photo of the bird cage behind him. Then the second picture was taken a few minutes later when they were all in the bird cage.
> 
> 
> So they were in the same group of people going through the bird cage.


 Where the gaggle of kids
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## llhelp (Feb 25, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Your daughter was on the field trip. Surely she can clear up whether or not this man was in your group and spent the day with all of you.


My husband has asked her four times. The last time I was watching but
could not hear. My daughter looked upset afterwards so I asked ber if she was
Okay. She said she was sorry she did not remember who was in the group at all but she 
Did not know who the man is and he did not look familar. This picture was taken
over six years ago .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovesux (Feb 24, 2013)

llhelp said:


> My husband has asked her four times. The last time I was watching but
> could not hear. My daughter looked upset afterwards so I asked ber if she was
> Okay. She said she was sorry she did not remember who was in the group at all but she
> Did not know who the man is and he did not look familar. This picture was taken
> ...


It's just a picture. If you didn't do anything wrong..just delete it and get it over with.You don't want a picture to start an unnecessary argument with your suspicious hubby. Do a shift+delete!


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## resolutionseekers (Feb 7, 2013)

lovesux said:


> It's just a picture. If you didn't do anything wrong..just delete it and get it over with.You don't want a picture to start an unnecessary argument with your suspicious hubby. Do a shift+delete!


Time to move on. Release and relinquish all ties or conversation regarding this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Stick a fork in the damn photo already.

4 friggen' years?!?!?! Over a photo?!?!

Have him burn it and then maybe you and your family can start healing some. 
If that doesn't do the trick than there's obviously
something else involved that needs to be examined further.

Only you two can take the steps to move past it as a couple.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Stick a fork in the damn photo already.
> 
> 4 friggen' years?!?!?! Over a photo?!?!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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