# Waiting to have Sex is it really that Bad?



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You aren't actually "waiting to have sex" though. You just haven't been penetrated vaginally, you are splitting hairs with your "everything but the vagina" brand of "virginity" IMO.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> You aren't actually "waiting to have sex" though. You just haven't been penetrated vaginally, you are splitting hairs with your "everything but the vagina" brand of "virginity" IMO.


Oh that would be important information to have ha ha.

I recall I thought a BJ wasn't sex when I was young. I had a friend whose roommate only had anal sex with his teen girlfriend because she was a "good Catholic" girl and wanted to remain a virgin. I was in HS and wasn't sexually active - but I was kind of freaked out by that - couldn't believe someone thought that way.

If you've engaged in mutual masturbation, HJ, BJ, anal, PIV... it's all having sex.

Dry humping without orgasm is about as far as "non-sex" goes, but what 28-year-old stops there (unless you're into denial and kinky fetishes- but then again - you're back into "having sex" territory).

At least that's what I believe.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

People are "pushing sex" on you because your approach to sex is nonsensical, hypocritical and just plain lacking in common sense.

You're already had a penis inside your body, just not in one particular orifice.

There are tons of stories out there about people who wait until marriage to have sex and it's a disaster.

You've got nothing to gain and everything to lose by not having intercourse now, but you've already been told that and given good reasons on your other thread.

You won't get much different in the way of replies on this thread although if you keep posting you might find one or two posters sympathetic to you and you'll get an answer you're looking for.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Oh that would be important information to have ha ha.
> 
> I recall I thought a BJ wasn't sex when I was young. I had a friend whose roommate only had anal sex with his teen girlfriend because she was a "good Catholic" girl and wanted to remain a virgin. I was in HS and wasn't sexually active - but I was kind of freaked out by that - couldn't believe someone thought that way.
> 
> ...





nataly87 said:


> BDSM - Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism
> 
> I am into kinky, bondage things, from me getting tied up and gagged, then messed with like groped, spanked, etc. I am into this type of sexual context, than sexual intercourse, but plan to still remain a Virgin until marriage, where I will then have sexual intercourse on my honeymoon night.





nataly87 said:


> I am waiting to have sexual intercourse until marriage, because its been a dream of mine. I never had an age range in mind when to get married, just if it happened at this time and this age so be it. I wanted for me and whoever I was with at the time to be stable in our lives, finish college, have jobs, cars, own place, moved in together, etc. THEN get married.
> 
> As of currently I don't work, don't go to college, have a driver's license but don't drive, and live at home with my parents. My Boyfriend lives at home with his parents, works, goes to school, has a driver's license and drives, and has his own place, a guest house on his parents land. He hasn't asked me to marry him because, he wants us to work together as a team, in a business type of sense, and he needs to save up for a ring, to buy us our own place, etc.
> 
> ...


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

You're not the typical religious virgin. 
You engage in BDSM etc & yet except a man to wait. 
It's like you're using virginity as a bargaining tool for marriage. 
Men marry for love not virginity. (Unless religion involved)
You had a boyfriend & it ended badly.
Maybe you should find a BDSM partner who enjoys waiting to take your virginity & understands the contract you want for it. 






Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> it keeps hurting me.


If you actually have sex it will only hurt once.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out?


According to a preacher in church in a sermon about sexuality in relationships, he said that he has never met anyone that actually died from not having sex. 

I thought to myself, well I can probably think of quite a few people that were never born! 

*Why is it so hard for others to wait it out?* Because to some the feeling is literally like suffocating the life out of the next generation to come in a healthy relationship. While having sex can be combined with birth control for family planning, if you are NOT having sex in a serious relationship, you are telling the other person that you are rejecting their fertility. Yes, rejection hurts!

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

badsanta said:


> if you are NOT having sex in a serious relationship, you are telling the other person that you are rejecting their fertility.


Do you have a reliable source for that rather questionable remark?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex.


No one with an actual sex drive wants anything to do with a partner who says this. There's a huge difference between someone who isn't bothered by not having sex and someone who is struggling. That struggle indicates that once married you would do it a lot. But your attitude indicates just the opposite.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

You only live once. Why the F would you want to not have sex with someone you love? Nonsensical to me.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

badsanta said:


> *Why is it so hard for others to wait it out?* Because to some the feeling is literally like suffocating the life out of the next generation to come in a healthy relationship. While having sex can be combined with birth control for family planning, *if you are NOT having sex in a serious relationship, you are telling the other person that you are rejecting their fertility.* Yes, rejection hurts!
> 
> Regards,
> Badsanta


Interesting...

So, when my husband asks for a bj to completion instead of having intercourse with me, he is rejecting *my* fertility?

Wow. I guess all handjobs, blow jobs, anal sex to completion and other forms of sex besides intercourse are off limits because engaging them--even briefly--would meant that we're "rejecting" our spouse's fertility, or they're rejecting ours. 

And I guess a post menopausal should forget about ever having sex again because her fertile years are behind her now. 

Then again, it's been said that a woman's orgasm serves no purpose in procreation. Yet, a man's orgasm serves no purpose _BESIDES_ procreation. 

So, I guess the only kind of "sex" we should be having is intercourse, because no other kind of sex serves any purpose. 

Hmmm...


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Fitnessfan said:


> You only live once. Why the F would you want to not have sex with someone you love? Nonsensical to me.


OP is saying that she wants to WAIT to have sex; not that she doesn't want it _at all_.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


With no malice intended, if you have to ask the question, there's a good chance you won't fully understand the answer. You've now thrown away ~10 of the best sexual years of your life. You will NEVER recover that time.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard?


Probably out of frustration. 



nataly87 said:


> As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


You might want to choose a better phrase than "Why is it so hard?" when discussing not having PIV sex with your partners. :grin2:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Vega said:


> OP is saying that she wants to WAIT to have sex; not that she doesn't want it _at all_.


And in my experience, which is admittedly unique to me, someone approaching 30 who would rather wait to have sex than actually, you know, have sex with a long term committed partner is someone who doesn't really want sex all that much. 

Even when that's not the case, a prospective partner would do well to run very fast and very far from such a person unless he has very good evidence to the contrary.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Festivus said:


> And in my experience, which is admittedly unique to me, someone approaching 30 who would rather wait to have sex than actually, you know, have sex with a long term committed partner is someone who doesn't really want sex all that much.
> 
> Even when that's not the case, a prospective partner would do well to run very fast and very far from such a person unless he has very good evidence to the contrary.



In the case of the OP, she IS having _other_ kinds of sexual experiences (anal, for one). Just not intercourse...yet.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Vega said:


> In the case of the OP, she IS having _other_ kinds of sexual experiences (anal, for one). Just not intercourse...yet.


Then she is no virgin by any reasonable definition, the question is malformed, and the holdout is moot.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


OP, you're not TRULY a "virgin". You've had other kinds of sexual experiences. Just not intercourse. 

Perhaps the reason why you can't understand why other people can't "wait" is because you yourself REALLY aren't "waiting". 

True virgins don't engage in ANY sexual activity. THAT'S why it's so hard to wait.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex?


It isn't always a bad thing to wait at all, that said leaving yourself on the shelf interminably to no end is hardly rational behaviour.



nataly87 said:


> Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse.


Aside from the fact that your claim to virginity is rather spurious. Being a 28 year old and older "virgin" should make any sensible person avoid a long term relationship with you like the plague.



nataly87 said:


> It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex.


Which is exactly why any rational, sexual man who is cognisant of your feelings on this would never marry you. If you don't care to have sex, you are certain to make a woefully poor long term sexual partner.



nataly87 said:


> But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal?


Those others have that powerful thing called a sex drive.



nataly87 said:


> People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


If you don't like that and it hurts you, perhaps you ought to avoid all sexual relationships like dating, going steady, having boyfriends, lovers, friends with benefits, engagements and marriage etc. That way no one would push sex on you at all.

Perhaps a psychiatrist could help you.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


Out of all the issues you have, this is not the one to be focusing on. Why are you 28, living at home, no job, and no college degree? If you let a man tie you up and spank you, he will naturally push to have sex with you. I don't like labels, but 'tease' comes to mind. Why don't you want to have sex until marriage? Please don't say 'it is a dream of mine', that does not answer the question or the reasoning behind it.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


Fine. Choose what you want in life. Just be HONEST about what you're doing, and DON'T call yourself a "virgin". You are FAR, FAR from it.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

Well, I guess I am the oddity in this conversation. Never had sex, never had oral sex, never had anal sex, never had a hand job. I am 100% virgin. I have of course had to relieve pressure myself, from time to time.

Me and my fiancé were of the same religion, and she wanted to wait, which I honored and put her on a pedestal for. She didn't live up to it, of course, but I did. After all that, I got a real bad attitude for the opposite sex and just kept to myself. I have been trying over the last few years to improve my thinking, and maybe try to find someone. But even with as much time that has gone by, I'm now 48, I will still wait till after marriage to have sex. If that day ever comes.

So to your question, Is waiting to have sex really that bad? Let me leave you with what my father told me years ago. " Son, you can't miss what you've never had."


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Palodyne said:


> I'm now 48, I will still wait till after marriage to have sex. If that day ever comes.


:surprise:

That day is hardly likely!

I can't imagine what it would be like spending a lifetime avoiding that which comes so naturally.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


It's a choice subject to your parents bankrolling it. I have two college age daughters and while I would love to have them nearby at 28 or 38 etc I know they need to find things out and discover the world out there. On my dime for now, on theirs later.

You need to discover yourself first. I, for one, don't think you need to make an issue of sex at this point when looking choices are coming by fast.

Think stuff you're good at or enjoy doing or both. Not from the "I enjoy walking the dog therefore let's go to veterinary school" perspective but from the standpoint of what skills you have, what natural talents, and what you're interested in. 

Then think of your "liabilities". We all have them. I suck in calculus type math so engineering and hard sciences were not for me. I like to look at how people think and why they think certain ways. Luckily for me I found my calling. 

We all do.

Start by discovering yourself. See where you are, and where you want to go. And what you need on the way.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

Personal said:


> :surprise:
> 
> That day is hardly likely!
> 
> I can't imagine what it would be like spending a lifetime avoiding that which comes so naturally.


 It's not as hard as you think. I was filled with a lot of hate after 2 betrayals, my first GF then my fiancé. Plus I came up in the AIDS scare of the 80's, that helped me keep my pants zipped up. Then I got a job, bought a home on a lake, worked tons of overtime. Then my sister gave me her 2 sons to raise. I was busy as hell. I just put it out of my mind and lived my life.

Of course my life is different today. You say," That day is hardly likely!". Maybe. I can live with it either way.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. *I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, *kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


You're right that it's your choice to wait on intercourse, but you need to understand that that doesn't make you a virgin honey. You are NOT a virgin. Nowhere near it - and there's NOTHING wrong with that.

Why are you fighting it so much?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Because as a (almost) 24 year old man, I think about sex 76% of the time. 

And the way I approach it is this:
If you want a long-term relationship, and I know/find out that you had sex with your last LTR BF on the fourth date for example, I expect action by the fourth date. Otherwise, I delete your number out of my phone. 

My assumption is you don't have the same attraction for me as you did your ex, and I am not going to waste my time with a woman who isn't that attracted to me. Nor am I going to wine and dine you until you eventually build up enough attraction for me. (or lay me out of pity)

Now, there was one girl in my past who told me her ex-bf treated her poorly, and she wanted to take our relationship slow. I responded with 'So he treats you poorly, and you bed him. I don't, so I have to work for it?' And while she didn't give me a straight answer, the indirect answer was yes. I blocked her from my phone. 
In hindsight, it's ironic that my poor treatment of her after her telling me that made her want me more...


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> You can't force me to do anything.


We can't but maybe one of those guys who you allow to tie you up and finger you won't be inclined to stop there.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


You could have a job, you just don't want to. 

For example, I'll be switching from my sales/finance job to Public Accounting/Auditing job in July, allowing for more stability. And less interaction with annoying people. But to get there took, obviously, a degree (actually two, plus still working on a CPA license) along with 3 years in sales experience in lower-end jobs. I didn't start out at the high end, or where I wanted anywhere. No one does. I had to claw my way up. It's like that with everyone every where they work. 
You're choosing to forgo both college and work.

Which means...you're banking 100% on landing a successful husband. (Literally, 100% because you have no real/viable plan B)

And generally speaking, guys don't marry unless they've had sex with you. And you've already indicated you don't want to do that until marriage. Some guys will be ok with this, given that you are a virgin. I don't know how many, but I imagine some will. 
But a big hurdle will be dating you. If I were to date you, and found out your current plans, I'd stop dating you. You've in this mode where you feel like you need to find your husband in X number of years, and you're in hunt mode. And that makes me very nervous. 
Plus the fact that you don't work, or go to college is going to turn off a lot of guys. 
Now, as a college educated man, most of my friends only date college educated women. I don't, I date anyone I'm attracted to. But I also expect some level of appreciation and reciprocation on their level (them buying me a drink every once in a while, or bringing over pizzas, etc., and this is regardless of education/income level) You, with no job, will need to have the entire date financed by the man. 
Who you won't be laying. 

Do you see the flaws in your plan yet?


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


No one here wants to force you into anything, honey, We are trying to understand the logic in you that says it is ok to have have oral sex, give and receive hand jobs, let someone tie you up and spank you but draw the line at full intercourse. If you are going to do all these other things with men, the men will think that you will eventually go all the way with them and pressure you to do so. Why don't you abstain from all sorts of sex then maybe the men wont feel they have the right to pressure into more?

McDonald's is hiring people with no experience and college 'may not be for you' but you stated in your dream list that you wanted to finish college then get married and have sex. Are you ok with living off your parents for the rest of your life? What are your other goals for your life besides being a technical virgin when you get married?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Vega said:


> Interesting...
> 
> So, when my husband asks for a bj to completion instead of having intercourse with me, he is rejecting *my* fertility?
> 
> ...


Can he have intercourse whenever he wants? If it were strictly forbidden and he could ONLY have BJs, well then it would be a different story.

I do know a friend that does not ever want to get his wife pregnant, so he often refuse traditional intercourse in favor of other things like BJs. And YES the wife calls my wife crying profusely that her husband will never do anything with her that will ever get her pregnant. 

Sad story, but at least one instance where you guys ask me to document my sources.

Badsanta


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


The big issue is time. As you get old, you realize how precious each year on earth is. You look back, and think about all of the wasted time. It becomes a double whammy when you realize that it was the prime of your life.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

badsanta said:


> Can he have intercourse whenever he wants?
> Badsanta


Chances are, having intercourse whenever he wants does NOT meant that he will ALWAYS want to impregnate her every time he has intercourse with her. 

If he doesn't want to impregnate her, but continues to have SOME form or sex with her, then he's just using her to get off. 

And, if he JUST wants to get off, he can do THAT himself, without involving her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


You are free to CHOOSE to live your life anyway you want. But you also don't get to tell others that they have to accept your CHOICES either.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Vega said:


> *And, if he JUST wants to get off, he can do THAT himself, without involving her.*


*EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Could not have said it better myself. Also when men just need to get off there is no better combination to do that than using porn and masturbation. I'm being dead serious here!

That just leaves the very odd question as to why her boyfriend would pressure her for sex? 

I also agree that men do NOT want to get their partners pregnant every time they have sex. But a barrier is exactly what it is, a barrier. Any barriers in a relationship send a message that, "I do not accept you." Men have sex with women, NOT because they need to get off, and NOT because they feel the need to impregnate her, but because they need to feel "accepted" and I mean that quiet literally as in his penis being "accepted" physically into her being. 

As for women that complain that do not want to be used, that is simply their low self esteem that will never allow them to see how desirable they are. 

whatever...
Badsanta


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Your parents are ok with you not working?




nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

nataly87 said:


> Why is it that waiting to have sex is such a bad thing? Why can't men and women wait to have sex? Why is it so hard? As I said in 1 of my other topics, I am a Virgin, 28 years old and I have never had sexual intercourse. It doesn't bother me that I don't get to have sex. But why is it so hard for others to wait it out? Whats the big deal? People keep pushing sex on me, and it keeps hurting me.


You are a virgin only as a technicality. 

I had sex with a half dozen women before I had many of the experiences you've got under your belt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Sex is the best thing in the world. That intimate bond with someone that you love more than anything just can't be beat.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you have every right to decide what sorts of sexual activities you want to engage in and when you want to do them. As long as you are honest with your partners about what you expect in relationships, then I do not fault you in any way. Just also accept that there will be people who's choices do not match yours. 

Working is a trickier issue. I think that everyone has an obligation to try to contribute to society. Note that I say "try", because there will always be people who are not able to find a way to contribute despite their honest efforts.







nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. Stop telling me what to do. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. You can't force me to do anything.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I still can't believe anyone takes this OP seriously.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Palodyne said:


> Let me leave you with what my father told me years ago. " Son, you can't miss what you've never had."


Yes, you can.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Can he have intercourse whenever he wants? If it were strictly forbidden and he could ONLY have BJs, well then it would be a different story.
> 
> I do know a friend that does not ever want to get his wife pregnant, so he often refuse traditional intercourse in favor of other things like BJs. And YES the wife calls my wife crying profusely that her husband will never do anything with her that will ever get her pregnant.
> 
> ...


That's an odd marriage, why doesn't he just get whacked?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Broken at 20 said:


> Because as a (almost) 24 year old man, I think about sex 76% of the time.
> 
> And the way I approach it is this:
> If you want a long-term relationship, and I know/find out that you had sex with your last LTR BF on the fourth date for example, I expect action by the fourth date. Otherwise, I delete your number out of my phone.
> ...


Not really. It sounds like she had some integrity and developed some self-esteem after a crappy experience and learned from her past mistakes. So you showed her the door. Says more about you than about her really.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Because when it's with someone you care about or have a real chemistry with, it's one of the most incredible things in the world. I respect your decision to wait, but you can't expect your partners to be understanding unless you level with them pretty early on about what your boundaries are.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

If abstaining from PIV sexual intercourse until marriage is because of a religious belief - intended to maintain one's purity - then she has failed.

If it's simply a self-motivated decision without the religious quotient, it's nonsensical, IMO.

Of course, the OP is absolutely entitled to do whatever it is she wants to do in regards to this. It doesn't hurt anybody, isn't illegal, etc. And it doesn't have to make sense - to us.

Personally, I'd date a woman who was a virgin, at that age, if I liked her (even if I didn't understand the motivations behind it, knowing she had engaged in other sexual acts).

But I wouldn't date a woman that age who was unemployed, with no motivation to work, "virgin" or not.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> It is my choice on when to have sexual intercourse and I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have NEVER and never will have anal sex. I have done other sexual acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, fingered, kissed etc. I live at home because I choose too and I don't work because I have little work experience so no job will hire me and college is not for me. _Stop telling me what to do_. THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CHOOSE WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. _You can't force me to do anything_.


You're 28? Sorry, but this post seriously makes me question that. The manner in which you snapped back makes me think you are much younger. I can honestly see you pouting in a corner, like a little kid.

But, assuming you are sincere... No, no one can force you. But, you are not a virgin. Sex is sex. I agree with the one(s) who stated one of these days, one of the men will push that boundary and do it. You are a tease. 

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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@nataly87 I think it's the lack of job etc why guys don't consider you marriage material. 
And that's why in the end they pressure you for intercourse. 
Just like a guy needs to have good qualities for you, a lady also needs good qualities to attract a particular sort of man. 
Would you consider dating a man who lived at home with his parents, didn't like college & cannot get a job because of lack of experience? 


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Maricha75 said:


> You're 28? Sorry, but this post seriously makes me question that. The manner in which you snapped back makes me think you are much younger. I can honestly see you pouting in a corner, like a little kid.
> 
> But, assuming you are sincere... No, no one can force you. But, you are not a virgin. Sex is sex. I agree with the one(s) who stated one of these days, one of the men will push that boundary and do it. You are a tease.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


I thought the same when I read that, too, but then remembered that the generational gap right now is HUGE.

At the risk of changing the topic entirely, I find it amazing how much something as simple as the internet has changed people's views on the most basic of things - and this is the gap we're currently seeing.

There's an element of knowing too much, too soon, which leads into a false sense of maturity and "I know better than you do". I, and people of my generation, learned by DOING, and EXPERIENCING. People under 30 or so, these days, learn by watching and reading - without the experience factor.

My 15 (almost 16) year old is constantly connected to something. He leaves the house for school, for football and for cadets. His free time is spent online. Even his girlfriend is online. They've met in person once.

Yet he knows everything about everything. (which is typical of 15 year olds, anyway... but not to this degree). I see it in his friends, too - they have this false sense of worldliness, because they've "seen" the world.

But what this ultimately leads to, and you see it often, including here, is that other elements of the maturing process become retarded. This is only amplified (by a LOT) when one is not out in the work world, engaging with other people.

What I find interesting is that people of this generation chalk it all up to the same generation gap that's happened to everyone throughout history. I actually don't believe that to be the case, as a whole. There's certainly the normal element of it, but it's amplified so much more, at least in terms of the social aspects of it.

Which is why you're seeing an increasing number of people in their 20's, or even 30's talking and behaving in ways that we, and previous generations, typically grew out of by our late teens.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

What you SAY you want to do and what you actually do are quite different. 

You say you want college degree but then say you aren't college material. You want a job but you aren't qualified for anything but unskilled labor (which apparently hasn't crossed your mind to do).

What it seems you want is to be a trophy wife. You want to look pretty and shop and dress up every day and play wife and he needs to be rich enough so you don't have to actually CLEAN the house and damage your manicure. You want to live like a Kardashian (I see a LOT of that in this generation; I'm not even sure who they all are or who does what) - the fact your exBF parents have a guest house tells me that his family is well off but he wants to make it on his own and instead you are seeing dollar signs. Maybe that's why you don't understand sexual desire - you don't desire penetration and sexual intimacy; you desire money. You were looking at rich in-laws.

Maybe you should sign up for millionaire match maker. Although most rich men are accomplished men who desire well educated intelligent women, not just a beautiful face and body. Also most rich men are Alpha males who are very ambitious and goal oriented and will find your sexual activity thus far misleading. A man like that will want to know he's sexually compatible before he commits.

What's funny is, you lost the ex being a pouty child about the whole matter. I respect the fact he's working and saving and spending his money on a potential career instead of living off his parents like you. He'll probably end up being a well-off entrepreneur with his ambition. And you will have missed the boat because of your petulant whining. Good for him.


ETA: Your parents are doing you a disservice. My 17y/o knows after highschool she can continue to live with me only if she either works full time, goes to school full time or part time school/work. But she can NOT be unproductive. It's not one of her choices if she wants to continue to enjoy living under my roof. Your parents should have given you an ultimatum.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@alexm you have a great point there. 
I'm 29 but I grew up on a farm, no internet access, sometimes we didn't even have a satellite connection for the TV, but I'm glad now because it did me the world of good. 

I don't get the ways of people my own age or younger. 
It's like they're alien at times. They see the world in a different way. 
They cannot seem to sort their problems out in a healthy way & lack security in identity, lack maturity in emotions. 

I've learned by doing & experience. And I'm very thankful I don't have the same problems as my peers. 










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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Phil Anders said:


> I still can't believe anyone takes this OP seriously.


Doesn't matter. The thread is interesting, and probably helpful to some whether it's real or fake.

If we only dealt with reality no one would go to the movies or read fiction or the National Enquirer.


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## JohnDoeRobot (May 25, 2016)

Even though many people love to frame the issue of premarital sex/abstinence -however you want to define it- in a moral/cultural frame, the reality is a lot of individual sexual behavior is driven by very basic differences in sex drives among individuals. Yes, some people are hornier than others... and it has more to do with their own hormones than failure to pay attention during Sunday school. 

To the original poster: sex is a very basic biological function. Every single one of your ancestors had sex (including your sweet granny)... even in the face of wars, famine, and lack societal sanctioned matrimony (which, BTW, is a fairly new invention). People want to have sex. It is a survival imperative. And it is a lot fun! The happy chemical bath your brain gets during sex is unlike anything else human ever experience. Yes, some people can come up with all kinds of convoluted rules and beliefs on why they should wait and actually stick to those (even at age 28). But the vast majority of people can't... and nature wins. Worst that could happen is a baby. Because at the end of the day all nature wants is babies... it is all a rouse, a dark conspiracy to get people to reproduce. 

Final thought: don't be too harsh on those who won the biological lottery of loaded hormonal levels and high sex drives. They really can't help it. Waiting on the sidelines while their reproductive lives is on high gear is many times just impossible... even if they don't have a ring on their finger.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I just can't see a person thinking they're a "virgin" when you've had actual sexual experience. PIV is not the only form of sex. Are you afraid of PIV? If the right person comes along, will you continue to "hold out" on him until he puts a ring on your finger? This is something most men would find hard to believe based on your previous experience, and it would lead them to think you are not into them if you can't connect with them intimately with PIV included. This would lead men to think you are what we used to call a "prick teaser".

You are 28 years old, for heaven's sake. One sin is not greater than another. Do what you feel you must, but most Christians would consider it hypocritical to be sexually active with partners, but not with PIV as an option.

If the right man came along, would you at least consider going all the way with PIV? Give it time to develop, but still, sex is sex no matter the form.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I suspect that, entertaining the notion that the OP is for real, her technical "virgin" status has more to do with her kink than anything else. She's into BDSM, it seems. I'm guessing that reserving her "maidenhood" for her wedding night is all part and parcel of the sexual teasing and topping-from-the-bottom she's already doing. The virgin thing is a dom/sub game that is interwoven with her sexuality in general.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm not sure why some posters seem to object to the OPs stance. I might not date someone with her ideas on sex, but I think she is welcome to them. Welcome to choose which sexual activities she wants to engage in as long as she is honest with her partners.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Rowan said:


> I suspect that, entertaining the notion that the OP is for real, her technical "virgin" status has more to do with her kink than anything else. She's into BDSM, it seems. I'm guessing that reserving her "maidenhood" for her wedding night is all part and parcel of the sexual teasing and topping-from-the-bottom she's already doing. The virgin thing is a dom/sub game that is interwoven with her sexuality in general.


I've already suggested she find a partner in BDSM who is willing to wait & enjoy what she wants. 
The other agenda for her is to find a dom/sub who is also willing to support her financially & emotionally. 
A normal/typical male is finding these "teasing" behaviours is an indication that she wants intercourse before marriage, and they cannot understand her logic. 

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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

richardsharpe said:


> I'm not sure why some posters seem to object to the OPs stance.


Because it's hypocritical and nonsensical.

Two fingers in her VJ while she's tied up, being spanked and sucking cסck is perfectly ok but a penis in her VJ is not, because she's saving herself.

She sounds like a presidential candidate or something


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Vega said:


> OP is saying that she wants to WAIT to have sex; not that she doesn't want it _at all_.


OP is asking 99.9% of non-waiters to serve her table. When she refuses to give the gratuity, they move on to the next patroness. 

Some patient and desperate waiters offer HER the fleshy TIP. She refuses. 

Why? The hard entree presented is not pre-MARRY-nated. She feels that they are trying to STIFF her by not setting the table her way.

Find the 0.1%-er. These are your numerical cohorts. Then you will be gleeful.

You are the odd women out. And by choice, Dear.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> OP is asking 99.9% of non-waiters to serve her table. When she refuses to give the gratuity, they move on to the next patroness.
> 
> Some patient and desperate waiters offer HER the fleshy TIP. She refuses.
> 
> ...


This post took BALLS


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Mclane said:


> Because it's hypocritical and nonsensical.
> 
> Two fingers in her VJ while she's tied up, being spanked and sucking cסck is perfectly ok but a penis in her VJ is not, because she's saving herself.
> 
> She sounds like a presidential candidate or something


I think alexm had it correct that OP is lacking in maturity. 
I think the younger generation don't see (oral etc) that as virginity. 
My niece is the same, she doesn't see these things (oral etc) as losing her "technical" virginity. 
While me & her mother are abhorred over this. 




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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

MrsAldi said:


> Mclane said:
> 
> 
> > Because it's hypocritical and nonsensical.
> ...


And the sad part is I never got to meet girls like your niece when I was a teen - would have been great.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> And the sad part is I never got to meet girls like your niece when I was a teen - would have been great.


Really? She's 14. 
If you have any children? I'm not sure if you do but if it was your child would you think differently to the statement you just made? 
I'm all for openess in sex, but at a legal age. 


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I still don't get it. There are women who will happily have anal sex but think giving BJs is disgusting. There are men who think anything touching their back door is gay. I knew one woman in college who was happy to do just about anything in bed - except doggy style because she thought it was degrading.

The OP considers not having PIV sex before marriage to be important. That's her choice. As long as she doesn't mislead partners, who cares? There will be some men who are perfectly happy getting BJs, playing with bondage etc, and no PIV. Many won't but they don't need to be in a relationship with her. 

As far as religious beliefs - there are lots of things that religions tell people to do from dietary limits to genital mutilation that make a lot less sense than this. 




Mclane said:


> Because it's hypocritical and nonsensical.
> 
> Two fingers in her VJ while she's tied up, being spanked and sucking cסck is perfectly ok but a penis in her VJ is not, because she's saving herself.
> 
> She sounds like a presidential candidate or something


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

MrsAldi said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > And the sad part is I never got to meet girls like your niece when I was a teen - would have been great.
> ...


First you didn't say her age. Second - at 14 - yes I would have wanted a bj even if I didn't know what it was.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> The OP considers not having PIV sex before marriage to be important. That's her choice. *As long as she doesn't mislead partners, who cares? * There will be some men who are perfectly happy getting BJs, playing with bondage etc, and no PIV. Many won't but they don't need to be in a relationship with her.


Exactly, what I've bolded.

If she wants to do what she wants to do, more power to her. Lest we not forget that *she’s not FORCING anyone of her…partners…to wait.* It seems that at SOME point she let them know that intercourse is off limits until marriage. _They’re *CHOOSING* to wait _for as long as they wish, so I don't think it's fair or appropriate to refer to her as a "tease". She told them her rules for _HERSELF_. Her...partner(s)...get to decide on the rules for their own selves. 

What she needs to do is to find a…partner…who is willing to wait _with_ her; not _for_ her. That way they can wait TOGETHER with no resentment toward each other. 

_*Now taking bets on what the odds are of her finding anyone like that before she loses her ‘technical’ virginity_*…


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@mrsaldi yes. Have kids - boys older than that and girls younger and a DD14. They're not sexually active and we've talked about sex - in an age appropriate manner - their whole lives. My DD does not, therefore, have the same attitudes as your niece, but we also are sure to avoid creating shame as an association with sex and love. I took my boys out and made them buy condoms when they were 16, dressed in suits from a national honors society awards night. I told them their responsibilities, and let them know that - yes - even they would get laid at some point ha ha. I also pointed out that the dogs at school knew full well what they were doing, but the "good kids" and "smart kids" that live their whole childhood as children, are often shocked and unprepared when they actually encounter sx the first time. That's how teens he pregnant freshman year in college. It happened to their friends sister, and a friend was created that way (still no man in moms life 18 years later).

So I believe attitudes about sex are formed in part by a parents willingness to be open and teach.

But I was still a horn dog as a kid, didn't have an adults perspective, and would have been thrilled to be schooled by a more savvy teen.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> Really? She's 14.
> If you have any children? I'm not sure if you do but if it was your child would you think differently to the statement you just made?
> I'm all for openess in sex, but at a legal age.
> 
> ...


He didn't mean it in the context of a ten with an adult. He meant if he had met a girl like her when he was that age, he would have been happy. But this could have been 14, 15, 16, or even 17.

As an example, how I was at 15. I remember what I was like. I wasn't the "wild girl", but I lost my virginity at age 15. I don't want my daughter to make the same choices I did, so I will be talking openly about sex with her. 

However, that doesn't mean a man *now* wouldn't think it would have been nice to have met 15 year old me, back when he was 15-17. I understand that. I don't think they are looking at acurrent 15 year old girl in that way, though. If they did, that would be creepy. 

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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I suspect that, entertaining the notion that the OP is for real, her technical "virgin" status has more to do with her kink than anything else. She's into BDSM, it seems. I'm guessing that reserving her "maidenhood" for her wedding night is all part and parcel of the sexual teasing and topping-from-the-bottom she's already doing. The virgin thing is a dom/sub game that is interwoven with her sexuality in general.


Then she's playing it wrong. She should look into being a dominatrix; I don't think they actually even have intercourse in those situations (just lots of boot licking and posturing and teasing), she gets to play with the whip, and frankly, lots of rich, powerful men pay big money for that service.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@Maricha75 yeah I knew what he meant, I wasn't attacking him. 
Sorry if it came across that way @TheTruthHurts

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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

That's just it. She is NOT a virgin. She's already had sex, just not PIV. She can do whatever she wants to do with her body, but if she thinks she is a virgin just because no man has penetrated her vajajay she is sadly mistaken. When she will do the sexual acts she has already done, what would make PIV that much more special, so special that a man would wait until after marriage to have it. There's just no logic to it at all for me, and I suspect it would be the same for "most" men.

Her logic is twisted, and as a Christian myself, hypocritical.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
She can define virginity however she wants. Since her definition is not the most common (but not all that uncommon) if she finds a partner who wants to marry a virgin, she should be honest about what she wants. 

Virginity means nothing to me personally, but I understand that it means a lot to some. 

All that said, I hope that she is not setting herself up for disappointment. PIV is great, but if she is already sexually active and has had orgasms with partners, when she finally does do it, it may not be anything that special - just uncomfortable the first few times. 




Luvher4life said:


> That's just it. She is NOT a virgin. She's already had sex, just not PIV. She can do whatever she wants to do with her body, but if she thinks she is a virgin just because no man has penetrated her vajajay she is sadly mistaken. When she will do the sexual acts she has already done, what would make PIV that much more special, so special that a man would wait until after marriage to have it. There's just no logic to it at all for me, and I suspect it would be the same for "most" men.
> 
> Her logic is twisted, and as a Christian myself, hypocritical.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I still don't get it. There are women who will happily have anal sex but think giving BJs is disgusting. There are men who think anything touching their back door is gay. I knew one woman in college who was happy to do just about anything in bed - except doggy style because she thought it was degrading.
> 
> The OP considers not having PIV sex before marriage to be important. That's her choice. As long as she doesn't mislead partners, who cares?


Because she avoids VJ sex for reasons that defy logic and common sense, which is in start contrast to the examples you provided in your post. She's "saving her VJ" for her future spouse by letting just about anything in there that fits other than a penis and the kitchen sink.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

OP, out of curiosity, when you go out on dates, do you communicate your goals/expectations/demands to your date? 

Because saying you're saving sex till marriage, and I assume you want kids, is going to spook a lot of guys. 

Mostly because the guys you probably want (i.e., not losers) are going to see you as baby crazy, and know that you're expecting a ring far sooner than they're likely wanting to give you one (if they want to give you one at all). 

I would also ask you, how do you know that whoever you marry, will be able to please you in bed? And do you expect your future husband to have experience? (which I think is rather hypocritical) And in a marriage, do you view sex as something only for having babies, or something to actually be enjoyed? 

Because the questions above are the same questions any guy dating you is going to have in the back of his head. 
(And it might be a good idea to have a reason why you haven't done anything with your life since graduating high school, because while guys may not ask that, they'll sure be wondering that)




joannacroc said:


> Not really. It sounds like she had some integrity and developed some self-esteem after a crappy experience and learned from her past mistakes. So you showed her the door. Says more about you than about her really.


If you're wanting to say something, say it, don't imply it. 
I'll openly admit I'm a monster, I've been called much worse by family. But I have been through enough crap in my life that I will not take the punishment of someone else's poor choices in past relationship partners.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Broken at 20 said:


> OP, out of curiosity, when you go out on dates, do you communicate your goals/expectations/demands to your date?


I'd love to hear that conversation and watch the guy crack up laughing.

"Um, OK. There's something I need to tell you. I really like to suck ****, be tied up, spanked, and be fingered. But no penis in my vagina until we're married and planning to have kids, because being a virgin is really important to me."

I'd probably hit the floor laughing.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

marduk said:


> I'd probably hit the floor laughing.


 @marduk

I don't suggest you do that. You could hit your head, fall unconscious, and awaken to find yourself tied to a chair being straddled and whipped with your fingers involuntarily inserted into her no-no


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

marduk said:


> I'd love to hear that conversation and watch the guy crack up laughing.
> 
> "Um, OK. There's something I need to tell you. I really like to suck ****, be tied up, spanked, and be fingered. But no penis in my vagina until we're married and planning to have kids, because being a virgin is really important to me."
> 
> I'd probably hit the floor laughing.


That's not exactly what I meant, but that did get a laugh out of me.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'd have to say that the living with parents and having no job, or even looking for a job, would be a deal breaker for me. And the fact that she refers to herself as a "virgin" brings forth even more questions about OP's mental state.

OP, if you have any hope of finding a decent man, go get yourself a job and your own place. You'll meet new people. You'll have lot more excitement in your life than holding in to your vaginal purity.

Nursing school is only a couple of years? How about paralegal? Truck driver? 
You say school is not for you? Yeah, it's work. But nothing good comes without hard work. Technical school sounds good for you. Everyone that has a decent job goes to school regularly. Mechanics, businessmen, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I still don't get it. There are women who will happily have anal sex but think giving BJs is disgusting. There are men who think anything touching their back door is gay. I knew one woman in college who was happy to do just about anything in bed - except doggy style because she thought it was degrading.


Look at the thread title - "Is it really that Bad?"

Ask a question, get answers. No one is saying that the can't choose to do this. Everyone is pointing out why this might objectively be a Bad Thing, as requested. The thread title wasn't "Who would like to try to force me to do what I don't want to do".


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Festivus said:


> Look at the thread title - "Is it really that Bad?"
> 
> Ask a question, get answers. No one is saying that the can't choose to do this. Everyone is pointing out why this might objectively be a Bad Thing, as requested. The thread title wasn't "Who would like to try to force me to do what I don't want to do".


That's true, we've all committed the "off topic" forum sin.

Yes it really is that BAD.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Festivus said:


> Look at the thread title - "Is it really that Bad?"
> 
> Ask a question, get answers. No one is saying that the can't choose to do this. Everyone is pointing out why this might objectively be a Bad Thing, as requested. The thread title wasn't "Who would like to try to force me to do what I don't want to do".


Waiting to have sex is not a bad thing but when you take into account all the other things she is not waiting to do, it makes one think wtf(?) and question her mental state. Also, a man that would be willing to wait would probably do so because he thinks he's getting something good and pure, not something that has been seen naked and been fingered by many men and given blowjobs to multiple people, and been tied up and spanked by multiple men.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP has got to have more to offer the world than she's giving. She's got to make some major life changes.

Once that happens, the sex thing won't be a question anymore. 

For now, she should understand that she can't claim she's a virgin after what she's done in the past, just because her vagina hasn't had a penis in it. She can, but it won't matter to a man who knows the full history.

OP is open, has a nice figure, easy to talk to. 
She wouldn't have trouble finding a permanent man if she were working, meeting new people, and basically venturing through life like everyone else. It would happen naturally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> OP has got to have more to offer the world than she's giving. She's got to make some major life changes.
> 
> Once that happens, the sex thing won't be a question anymore.
> 
> ...


All I can picture is the look on some man's face when they are out at dinner and she says 'I want to go home, let you slowly take off all my clothes, tie me up and spank me like a bad little girl....then put my clothes back and drive me home because daddy says I have to be home by midnight'.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Folks,

In all seriousness - the sexual preference thing isn't the real issue. 

The core issue here is being a decade into adulthood without a job, any interest in getting a job nor any interest in training or education.

That collection of facts - would make me run further and faster by far - than the technical virginity need. 





marduk said:


> I'd love to hear that conversation and watch the guy crack up laughing.
> 
> "Um, OK. There's something I need to tell you. I really like to suck ****, be tied up, spanked, and be fingered. But no penis in my vagina until we're married and planning to have kids, because being a virgin is really important to me."
> 
> I'd probably hit the floor laughing.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Folks,
> 
> In all seriousness - the sexual preference thing isn't the real issue.
> 
> ...


Actually, I think it all adds up together to one hot, sticky mess of self-delusion and infantilism.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

All,

Let's try to minimize the use of emotionally loaded terms.

I will offer a proxy style reaction to what I've heard so far. 

As a prospective suitor I would assess three discrete facts and consider their relationship.
1. Total financial dependence - which means the only path out of her parents house is marriage to a solid wage earner.
2. Technical virginity - This is an inducement to marriage. The reward for marrying the OP, and enabling her to leave her parents house / rules.
3. The 'I'm superior' because I'm still a technical virgin. This was framed a bit less directly as: why do others find it hard to remain our like me?

I mature, thoughtful guy - is not going to go for this.





marduk said:


> Actually, I think it all adds up together to one hot, sticky mess of self-delusion and infantilism.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> All,
> 
> Let's try to minimize the use of emotionally loaded terms.
> 
> ...


I struggle to see how what you said and what I said is any different.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> living with parents and having no job, or even looking for a job, would be a deal breaker for me.


A deal breaker for most guys. There is another OP posting about dating and he is being told a woman like described here is someone NOT to date.

I may have missed some of the posts, but did OP every say WHY she does not work, other than she has *no experience* to get a job?

There are some called "entry level" jobs in which you need no experience. Like millions of them....


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> A deal breaker for most guys. There is another OP posting about dating and he is being told a woman like described here is someone NOT to date.
> 
> I may have missed some of the posts, but did OP every say WHY she does not work, other than she has *no experience* to get a job?
> 
> There are some called "entry level" jobs in which you need no experience. Like millions of them....


She said she has no skills and college is 'not for her' but it is on her dream list.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Lilac23 said:


> She said she has no skills


I gathered that but what does that mean?

She cannot make a hamburger or taco (after hours of training) or sweep a floor, or greet people who walk into the store, or seat people at a table, or scan groceries?

Even physically or mentally disabled people get jobs and if she is one of those she can still find a job if she wanted one. 

This was years ago but my future wife was *pumping gas* in one of her THREE jobs she simultaneously had while in college when I met her. Another was working in a popcorn store. One of the reasons I married her (besides being smart) was that she was SUCH A HARD WORKER. The jobs she did nor the money she made were of any consequence to me. It was that she WORKED HARD for herself. 

That is what a guy is looking for, well at least this guy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I really think her one claim to fame is the technical virgin thing, and she wants everyone else to value that as much as she does.

The 2x4's toward her lack of work ethic doesn't seem to help. Her parents gentle nurturing hasn't helped. 
I don't know what will help.

I do know that staying at home jobless in her parents home is not going to change much of OP's life. And she must have some really good qualities for her parents to want her around so much. She needs to let the rest of the world see these hidden virtues, by getting involved in it.
Just sayin'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> I gathered that but what does that mean?
> 
> She cannot make a hamburger or taco (after hours of training) or sweep a floor, or greet people who walk into the store, or seat people at a table, or scan groceries?
> 
> ...


She could work at a BDSM club...for virgins.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> The 2x4's toward her lack of work ethic doesn't seem to help. Her parents gentle nurturing hasn't helped.
> I don't know what will help.


Yes, I know the lack of work comments are off-topic, but IMO they are still related to her ultimate goal - whatever that is.

She could also VOLUNTEER for something, no pay, but get experience to get a job. Even that is better than just staying home but spotlighting her "virginity" as the gold prize that guys want. 

She is a "virgin" only that first night. Afterwards, she will just be a woman that has no job living at home with parents. 

You can only screw a virgin once.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lilac23 said:


> She could work at a BDSM club...for virgins.


OMG I just thought of some great names for the club and the staff.

And then didn't post them because I think I'd be banned in 30 seconds. Dammit MEM, look the other way, we could make some money here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Why is me being a 30 year old virgin such a bad thing? I am proud I am a virgin and haven't made the mistake of having sex, and getting pregnant or having the guy dump me the next day or getting a STD or any other issue involving sex. A lot of friends who have had sex, regret it and wish they too were virgins and had waited.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
If it is important to you, that is completely fine. Just be aware that virginity by your definition isn't as important to many people. Most of the people who care about virginity really mean a person who hasn't had any sort of sex, not just avoided PIV sex. 

BTW - you can get a STD from the other activities you have engaged in. 

Your values are your own, my only advice is that you be clear to yourself what you value this.

Many people would be concerned about dating a 30 year old virgin because it is unusual - even more so for your definition of virginity. They would be concerned that they didn't understand your motiviations 





nataly87 said:


> Why is me being a 30 year old virgin such a bad thing? I am proud I am a virgin and haven't made the mistake of having sex, and getting pregnant or having the guy dump me the next day or getting a STD or any other issue involving sex. A lot of friends who have had sex, regret it and wish they too were virgins and had waited.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Nat,

Depending on whom you marry, it can be a good thing, a bad, thing or a neutral thing. If you are happy, stay a virgin. But just know you might value this more than your partner.

I was a virgin when I met my wife, but not when I married her. I was not my wife's first or second or third. Not really sure which. Never asked. Don't care to know. 

So what are YOU looking for in a man? You want to know about dating profiles right? Do YOU want to marry a virgin? Or do you want to marry a guy with lots of experience? What do you want? Or maybe none of that is important to you.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Why is me being a 30 year old virgin such a bad thing? I am proud I am a virgin and haven't made the mistake of having sex, and getting pregnant or having the guy dump me the next day or getting a STD or any other issue involving sex. A lot of friends who have had sex, regret it and wish they too were virgins and had waited.


Nothing wrong - just most wouldn't think you are that's all.

Do you engage in your sexual play very often, or is it a rare thing. I would think if it was rare a young guy might be more able to understand your definition - you want to remain sexually inactive until marriage, but occasionally succumb to temptation with some boundaries.

If it's routine or frequent it just is confusing IMO. Not good or bad - just very confusing.

And the STD thing has no more risk with PIV compared to what you're doing - maybe you weren't aware of that and that was a reason to avoid PIV on the past but be aware that isn't really a reason anymore if you're sexually active. You should be using a condom for a BJ and dental dam for oral on you - if you're not then you're actually more at risk than PIV with a condom. You do eliminate the pregnancy risk with no PIV but with proper protection the risk of unwanted pregnancy is actually low but not zero.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Broken at 20 said:


> OP, out of curiosity, when you go out on dates, do you communicate your goals/expectations/demands to your date?
> 
> Because saying you're saving sex till marriage, and I assume you want kids, is going to spook a lot of guys.
> 
> ...


Look, your choice of relationship partner is obviously your choice. I never called you a monster, I said everything I meant to say and generally do, but let me elaborate as you seem to have misread what I said. 

Because someone may have slept with someone early on in a past relationship and discovered what a mistake it is to sleep with someone before you really know them enough to understand whether you're really compatible or that you have the same idea about what you're looking for (long-term relationship, one-night stand, casual thing etc.), it doesn't mean they are a terrible relationship prospect, or a monster any more than it makes you a monster for not wanting to go out with them. It makes them someone who has learned from their past mistake and has set boundaries. 

To me, your story was very telling, because you saw someone who had made a mistake in the past and rejected them solely on their inability to give you insta-sex. I don't think it makes you a monster, for the record. But many people on this forum have made mistakes in the past or present. So you can understand why some might feel that your reaction to this girl reflects poorly on you.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Why is me being a 30 year old virgin such a bad thing? I am proud I am a virgin and haven't made the mistake of having sex, and getting pregnant or having the guy dump me the next day or getting a STD or any other issue involving sex. A lot of friends who have had sex, regret it and wish they too were virgins and had waited.


You can get STD's from blowjobs.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The no kids, and no std's thing is awesome. Several transmitted, as said, by blowjobs and kissing.

Throat cancer in men- major cause, hpv from oral sex.

Lots of misinformation out there to kids.

People should be considering getting their boys vaccinated against hpv as well as girls. Not sure of vaccine effectiveness, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CMD1978 (Apr 9, 2016)

The attitude towards premarital sex certainly has changed since I was a teen. We were always told that men messed around with the bad girls but when they were ready to marry they wanted a good girl - aka a virgin.

I wish I had waited until I was married to have sex. I lost the love of my life because he wanted a virgin bride and I'd already been with a couple of guys before I met him. He did wait until his wedding night and he's still very happily married 25 years later. I don't think my husband would have kept dating me past the two month mark if I hadn't started sleeping with him after about 6 weeks of dating.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Why is me being a 30 year old virgin such a bad thing? I am proud I am a virgin and haven't made the mistake of having sex, and getting pregnant or having the guy dump me the next day or getting a STD or any other issue involving sex. A lot of friends who have had sex, regret it and wish they too were virgins and had waited.


The guys don't dump you because you're *NOT REALLY A VIRGIN*.

What part of that DON'T you understand?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do you go to bars with your friends?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Do you go to bars with your friends?


Do you answer questions?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Personal said:


> Do you answer questions?


Ok, I get it. I had not read my thread yet. 

I meant to say that I was a virgin when I met my wife. Then I married her. But I was not a virgin at the time of marriage, of course. We lived together for more than a year. 

If you don't mind, please delete your post in my thread, or others will be calling troll for the "inconsistencies" 

I will fix my earlier post.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Ok, I get it. I had not read my thread yet.
> 
> I meant to say that I was a virgin when I met my wife. Then I married her. But I was not a virgin at the time of marriage, of course. We lived together for more than a year.
> 
> I will fix my earlier post.


Thanks.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

I'm confused


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


Then don't ask a question in a public forum when you don't actually give a damn as to the answers your'll receive.

That's called trolling, except trolls are not, generally speaking, virgins.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Festivus said:


> That's called trolling, except trolls are not, generally speaking, virgins.


And here I thought they all were... I mean, they often do live in their parents' basements. Seems some have been moved upstairs, now. 😆

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## StilltheStudent (Sep 14, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


My wife had the exact same point of view when it came to sex as you do now.

Being the respectful nice-guy that I am I agreed with it and we waited.

The funny thing is that when she said the same "I will accept him for who he is," she did not even include the possibility that I would want an enthusiastic and frequent sex life with my wife.

I now have a dysfunctional marriage in which the only major thing missing is an intimate relationship with my wife. The years of not having sex demonstrated, at least in her mind, that sex is unimportant to a romantic life with someone, and that it is ok to neglect it.

I am now in my thirties, realizing I wasted a decade of my sexual prime on a person who is clearly not interested, and am seriously considering whether or not it is worth it to invest multiple years trying to move the needle an iota to get to a place of basic-acceptability.

Your choice is a path to sexual dissatisfaction and emotional distress.

But mainly for your partner, so I doubt that weighs heavily on you.

Good luck to your potential mates, the likelihood of you having a successful long-term romantic relationship that includes healthy sexual intimacy dwindles with each passing year.

Time is our most precious resource, you cannot get years back.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


Not one person is telling you that you *must* change your mind. All they have said is that it is hypocritical to call yourself a virgin when you do engage in *some* sexual activity. Just say you are open to different acts, but PIV is off the table until marriage. 

But, you DID ask a question... and received multiple answers. Sorry you didn't like the reaction you got.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Why is me being a 30 year old virgin such a bad thing? I am proud I am a virgin and haven't made the mistake of having sex, and getting pregnant or having the guy dump me the next day or getting a STD or any other issue involving sex.


Not necessarily a bad thing but also not something to wear like a badge of honor either.



nataly87 said:


> A lot of friends who have had sex, regret it and wish they too were virgins and had waited.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


This is the same partner that is going to presumably provide for you, including a place to live, pay the bills, and all that too?

Listen, wait for PIV sex all you want. Your sex life and sexuality is yours and yours alone to determine.

What people here are responding to is the rather illogical mismatch between what you consider "not sex" and "sex", being pretty sexually experienced and yet a PIV virgin, and the fact that you are nearly 30 while being so.

And living in your parent's house with no job and not going to school. It all just doesn't add up.

That is the problem. 

How do you reconcile your comparitively vast sexual experience yet thinking you're a virgin? How do you reconcile not having a job, not going to school, and living at home?

While being almost 30 -- an adult for almost a dozen years?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


You seem to have this sleeping beauty mentality. 
SPOILER ALERT: sitting around for 10 years after high school, not going to college, not working, and expecting your Prince Charming (that's sleeping beauty's prince, right? My Disney knowledge is lacking) to show up in your life, and whisk you way to live happily ever after, doesn't happen. 
And at 28, you shouldn't need a (almost) 24 year old to tell you that. You need to get out there and meet people. I didn't sit around and have girls magically appear in my life, I had to go to bars and places where they hang, and meet them. 
If you want a husband, you should put the same amount of effort into finding him that you expect him to exert in finding his 'princess.'


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Broken at 20 said:


> You seem to have this sleeping beauty mentality.
> SPOILER ALERT: sitting around for 10 years after high school, not going to college, not working, and expecting your Prince Charming (that's sleeping beauty's prince, right? My Disney knowledge is lacking) to show up in your life, and whisk you way to live happily ever after, doesn't happen.
> And at 28, you shouldn't need a (almost) 24 year old to tell you that. You need to get out there and meet people. I didn't sit around and have girls magically appear in my life, I had to go to bars and places where they hang, and meet them.
> If you want a husband, you should put the same amount of effort into finding him that you expect him to exert in finding his 'princess.'


Sleeping Beauty's prince was Phillip. Prince Charming was in Cinderella.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Sleeping Beauty's prince was Phillip. Prince Charming was in Cinderella.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. Prince Phillip married the real Queen of England. I don't think Disney has rights to her, yet. :grin2:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

StilltheStudent said:


> My wife had the exact same point of view when it came to sex as you do now.
> 
> Being the respectful nice-guy that I am I agreed with it and we waited.
> 
> ...


Get out now before you are 50. I won't get better. Listen to those of us who are now 50.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


It's your life, Nataly, and you have the right to choose how you live it. Being a Christian myself, I just see hypocrisy in your perception of being a virgin. Saving yourself for marriage is a righteous thing to do, but performing other sex acts is just as impure as PIV is.

By all means, stick to your choice of no PIV if that is what you desire, but you have to be completely honest with yourself and whomever you end up with. When men think of a marrying a "virgin", they think of her as being "pure" and inexperienced. Your experiences will make you fall short of that "pure" image. Some men would be fine with that, but if they truly want a "virgin", in most men's mind you wouldn't exactly fit that bill. I, myself, would be thoroughly frustrated and confused if a woman would do the other sex acts you do, and not go "all the way". It would likely leave me wondering if she truly was a technical "virgin", and if it was worth it to wait until the honeymoon to find out for sure.

You also really do need to find a way to become self-sufficient. Get out and find a job, go to school, something that shows you have initiative to better yourself, and prepare for a future with or without a husband. A woman who is self-sufficient and motivated is more likely to attract the better men, not to mention it will help your self-esteem and self-worth. You'll be better for it even if the right man doesn't come along in the near future.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

CMD1978 said:


> I wish I had waited until I was married to have sex. I lost the love of my life because he wanted a virgin bride and I'd already been with a couple of guys before I met him. He did wait until his wedding night and he's still very happily married 25 years later. I don't think my husband would have kept dating me past the two month mark if I hadn't started sleeping with him after about 6 weeks of dating.


WOW. Someone needs their own thread. Miss the LOL, still follows up on EX. Low opinion of H. I did not see anything in CWI. Did you delete something? And BTW, marriages can appear to be VH to outsiders but often they are not as happy as you think. 

Sorry to TJ.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse, I have made that choice and I am sticking to it. If none of you can accept that, that is your issue. I made my choice and thats final. If I remain single because of it, I am perfectly fine with that. My time will come for when my new partner will arrive, and he will accept me for who I am, no matter what, and I am do the same for him in return.


Maybe you should take some night classes in the meantime.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@nataly87 put aside the whole virgin thing - I think we have a good set of responses and ways of looking at that.

I encourage you to think about what it takes to have a long-term, meaningful, loving marriage or relationship.

Here are some qualities: flexibility, a willingness to listen, a desire to please your spouse, a willingness to state your needs clearly and without anger, an ability to listen to your partners needs, and ability to compromise and find a middle ground. It also takes two people who are willing to grow together and not build resentments

Resentments occur when one person doesn't pull their weight, or give as much to the relationship the other.

I would say to think about how you rate on these issues and try to work on them so you are prepared when Mr Right shows up.

I think people here are responding to some of your statements and thinking about the qualities above and they are having concerns about your ability to have a good relationship. You seem defiant and you seem as though you will stick to your opinion regardless of anyone else's opinion. That's good in many instances, but in a relationship you have to focus on compromising and listening.

So do yourself a favor and be honest about your qualities and try to improve those you can.

Good luck - we don't really know you but are trying to help


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Actually no, none of you are helping me. All of you are saying is for me to change and to just go and have sexual intercourse and not wait until marriage because doing that in today's world is wrong. No one gets married, no one wants to wait to have sex its all wrong and not right anymore. Thats too old fashioned and old school.

WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage and I don't care how old I am either. Who cares if I have done other sex acts and it did not include sexual intercourse. IF I could go back in time and prevent myself from ever doing any of those sex acts I would and claim to be a real pure virgin with never doing anything ever, but I can't change the past only the future.

I am NOT having sex until I am married end of ****ing story. As far as the other sexual stuff that will happen when I feel comfortable. I am a good listener and do comprise and all that stuff you listed. Yeah I don't go to school or work so what. I don't want to go to school, you blow millions of dollars even with scholarships and this and that and you don't even get a job in the end! Trust me I know a lot of friends of mine, who did the college thing and they are still jobless and in debut AND living at home.

So no thank you. As for working, I am working on getting a job. I know what I am going to do with my life and I am going to improve myself damnit.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

If you want to be a virgin, IMO you should stop all sexually arousing activity and not engage in intercourse either.

You aren't a virgin, it's just that you haven't had a penis in your vagina. "If you lust....you have committed adultery." You've had sex with lots of guys, just not PIV sex, so you are an adulteress to whomever marries you.

I'm not saying that to judge you, I'm just stating the facts.

You can't take back what you have already done, but you can clean up your act by stopping it from happening again, and from this time forward, saving all future sexual activity for your husband....after you are actually married to him.

Otherwise, just have all kinds of sex, including PIV, and stop pretending to be a virgin!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> Actually no, none of you are helping me. All of you are saying is for me to change and to just go and have sexual intercourse and not wait until marriage because doing that in today's world is wrong. No one gets married, no one wants to wait to have sex its all wrong and not right anymore. Thats too old fashioned and old school.
> 
> WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage and I don't care how old I am either. Who cares if I have done other sex acts and it did not include sexual intercourse. IF I could go back in time and prevent myself from ever doing any of those sex acts I would and claim to be a real pure virgin with never doing anything ever, but I can't change the past only the future.
> 
> ...


Then why are you asking for opinions on a public forum? 
If you have your values, stick with them. 
Don't ask for others opinions. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Same as MrsAldi. 

OP you seem to be very angry about all of this, if you were solid in your convictions then random peoples opinions would not matter. Have you ever sought professional help? If not it may be of benefit.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage and I don't care how old I am either.


Sure, I get it. I have a whole shoebox in my closet full of pictures of my unsullied Victorian era great grandmother in crotchless panties with a riding crop.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> *I am NOT having sex until I am married end of ****ing story.*
> 
> So no thank you. As for working, I am working on getting a job. I know what I am going to do with my life and I am going to improve myself damnit.


Then you are going to die without ever having PIV. Because your prospects for marriage are slim to none.

How many jobs did you apply for this month? Zero.

BTW, you already had sex, just not PIV.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> Actually no, none of you are helping me. All of you are saying is for me to change and to just go and have sexual intercourse and not wait until marriage because doing that in today's world is wrong. No one gets married, no one wants to wait to have sex its all wrong and not right anymore. Thats too old fashioned and old school.
> 
> WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage and I don't care how old I am either. Who cares if I have done other sex acts and it did not include sexual intercourse. IF I could go back in time and prevent myself from ever doing any of those sex acts I would and claim to be a real pure virgin with never doing anything ever, but I can't change the past only the future.
> 
> ...


Nataly, I am not telling you to just do it and get it over with. I think I am one of the few who actually thinks waiting is a GOOD thing. If I could go back in time I would tell myself to wait. Wait until we got married. Wait to do *any* sort of sex act until married. You said you would tell your past self not to do any of those things if you could. Well, you know you can't so... just don't do them. If you don't want to be labeled a tease or hypocrite, then stop all the other stuff. Easy fix. But, to be a virgin until you marry? I am one who sees NOTHING wrong with it. But some on here think my views on the subject are odd anyway. 

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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think it's grata to stay a virgin until marriage. Seems like lots of guys on the forum have great sex before, then fell to nothing after kids, etc. So the kicking the tires before you buy thing isn't so reliable, either. 

Thing is, you're not really a virgin. But if you wAnt to keep the other thing vacant, more power to you.

Don't make light of the no job, living with parents, no desire for school. I still suggest you go to some kind if school so you can get a marketable skill. I agree college can be a scam, now. 
But the no job, living with parents thing is going to keep you a "Virgin".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I have a different point of view and people can judge this all they want.. This is my story... 

I was bound & determined to wait for INTERCOURSE for my Wedding day.. my reasons was seeing people close to me , including my own mother Used sexually & discarded like a piece of Garbage by philandering losers.. and Girlfriends who got pregnant & the Joker was gone.. who we call our 6th son , he never even seen his father.. that's pathetic.

That sh** wasn't going to happen to me ! I had a stick up my butt about guys like that....

However... I was a very HORNY young girl.. who loved those O's.. I was also boy crazy.. and hoped to meet the love of my life when I was younger.. I wanted to marry younger also.. (not exactly a popular idea today) but this was 30 some yrs ago...

I met my husband at age 15.. he respected me MORE for how strongly I felt about sex.. and waiting.. I had no desire under the sun to be as pure as the driven snow.. as this would reduce dating to pure TORMENT... 

We much enjoyed our "roaming hands" on each other.. and orgasms.. I remember in the beginning.. the fire was burning so strong in my loins.. I thought to myself.."OMG how in the world are we NOT going to go there [email protected]#"..... but he was not going to be banging me at age 15... he was a respectable guy ... So we got used to what we did... and greatly anticipated our wedding day..

We could have easily went all the way.. somehow we held that boundary.. I believe because he didn't have to take cold showers.. we were "satisfied"...what you haven't experienced yet.. you don't Know what you're missing either. 

Trying to be a Christian.. there was conflict with being BAD.. DIRTY.. but there was no sense in trying to change this.. I would end up feeling God was a complete OGRE and kill joy.. so I rode the fence...

Was I a VIRGIN / Technical virgin / DIRTY Virgin -everyone has their opinions... we never did oral while dating.. no penis penetrating anywhere other than in my hand...well here is the funny part...

We married.. then he couldn't get it *IN*.. our 1st marital dilemma... so after 3 months of this..I'm frustrated [email protected]# I schedule an appointment with the OBGYN......feet up in the stirrups.. he says "Yep.. you have a rigid one alright".. then he hands me a slip of paper to get a blood test to rule out pregnancy..... telling me he was going to give me a "Hymenectomy"...

Imagine the shock 2 days later I get the call.. I am with CHILD..
 






No offense to Catholics here.. but Now I know how the Virgin Mary did it.. 

Look.. Virginity in Biblical times was referred to an intact Hymen.. they really didn't go into where our hands went... it spoke of bloody sheets ...a different time & age...back then there was no way to prove paternity..

I had one ...I really don't care what anyone wants to call me.. a hypocrite , whatever.. in my world.. it was something very special... to save intercourse for the man who would give me HIS ALL...taking my hand in matrimony.

Had I had other Boyfriends before him... we surely would have played around and enjoyed ourselves too.. No regrets... but I would have regretting going all the way.. I held THAT as something very special, reserved for 1 man... 

Just another perspective.. Now I will find a post I did that lays out the various views on this... To finish our little story.. our son saved me from that surgery (thank God.. not something I wanted)...it took another 5 months of trying, husband didn't want to hurt the growing baby by thrusting too hard.. we worked at it.. and 5 months later (8 months married at this time).. we felt the "break through"... we were so excited.. we went out to eat to celebrate.. 

Had I been with a guy who wouldn't have the patience for this.. he might have dumped me.. happy I shared this all with my husband...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Taken from Virginity - Wikipedia

1. *The traditional view* is that virginity is only lost through vaginal penetration by the penis, consensual or non-consensual, and that acts of oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation or other forms of non-penetrative sex do not result in loss of virginity. A person who engages in such acts with no history of having engaged in vaginal intercourse is often regarded among heterosexuals and researchers as "technically a virgin"....

Go ask Alice gave a variety of views.... Definition of virgin? | Go Ask Alice!



> Frustrating as it may be, the simplicity of your question belies the complex definition of the term "virgin."
> 
> *1.* To some, a virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse (that is, penis-to-vagina intercourse).
> 
> ...



Found this on a forum...just a Posters thoughts on some of the differences..



> *1. **Super Duper Virgins* ...
> Straight out of the 1950s and 1960s, the super duper virgin is the quintessential untouched, unsullied forbidden fruit (namely the cherry) that all would love to pop. Such virgins have never even kissed a man, let alone played with his flute. Now it’s an accepted fact that such women maintain their virginal state either out of choice or out of compulsion.
> 
> So if you happen to be dating a hardcore virgin who hasn’t allowed you to come any closer than letting you hold her hand then you what you need is a lot of patience ……or a wedding ring.
> ...




Planned Parenthood Defined...



> What is Virginity? - Planned Parenthood...*Who's a virgin, and who’s not?*
> 
> Most people would say that a virgin is someone who's never had sex — and by "sex," they often mean penetration of the vagina by the penis. This dictionary definition sounds simple enough, but it leaves a whole bunch of people out of the picture.
> 
> ...



Then we have the "Technical" virgins...Urban Dictionary is already on that ... Technical virgin




> *1.* A technical virgin is a girl who has been fvcked up her a$$, but not in her poon-tang, leaving them technically a virgin still.
> 
> *2.* A supposed "loophole" way for Christian girls to have anal and oral sex but remain "pure" and still call themselves a "virgin". Ridiculous and hypocritical, some girls who are only technically virgins themselves look down on other girls who have vaginal sex before marriage, even though they have let a guy put his penis in their a$$.
> 
> ...


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Uh Ok.... then well I know what I am doing and thats what I want to do, end of story.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Uh Ok.... then well I know what I am doing and thats what I want to do, end of story.


Don't forget to post an update on this thread when you are no longer a virgin.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Don't forget to post an update on this thread when you are no longer a virgin.


Year 2050? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> Year 2050?


You're quite the optimist...


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Actually no, none of you are helping me. All of you are saying is for me to change and to just go and have sexual intercourse and not wait until marriage because doing that in today's world is wrong. No one gets married, no one wants to wait to have sex its all wrong and not right anymore. Thats too old fashioned and old school.


You didn't ask for help, you asked for opinions. There may be a BDSM virgin support group in your area, but there isn't in mine.



nataly87 said:


> WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage and I don't care how old I am either.


Good for you, don't let anyone take away something that is important to you.




nataly87 said:


> Who cares if I have done other sex acts and it did not include sexual intercourse. IF I could go back in time and prevent myself from ever doing any of those sex acts I would and claim to be a real pure virgin with never doing anything ever, but I can't change the past only the future.


The reason it struck a nerve with people is because it implies hypocrisy that you engage in all of these other acts but stop at a penis entering your vagina.



nataly87 said:


> I am NOT having sex until I am married end of ****ing story. As far as the other sexual stuff that will happen when I feel comfortable. I am a good listener and do comprise and all that stuff you listed.


You say you are not having sex until marriage, then right after say 'the other sexual stuff will happen when you're comfortable. What are you talking about?



nataly87 said:


> Yeah I don't go to school or work so what


. 

What do you do?



nataly87 said:


> I don't want to go to school, you blow *millions of dollar*s even with scholarships and this and that and you don't even get a job in the end! Trust me I know a lot of friends of mine, who did the college thing and they are still jobless and in debut AND living at home.


Did they finish the 'college thing'? Or drop out mid-way through? If I didn't have to worry about bills while going to college, I"d be a bajillionaire by now. And college doesn't cost millions of dollar, even medical doctors only owe a couple hundred grand by the time they're done.



nataly87 said:


> So no thank you. As for working, I am working on getting a job. I know what I am going to do with my life and I am going to improve myself damnit.


Are you the youngest or only child or only daughter in your family, by any chance?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage and I don't care how old I am either.


So as you describe your life, you're basically a Victorian style woman who guards her virginal status until she finds the right man to take her from her father's home into his own. No interest in education or self-sufficiency.

All we're doing is pointing out that being old-fashioned in our modern world is hard going. You're very unlikely to find that old-fashioned man to match up with you. Even if you did find this rare man, it's not likely to turn out to be a great marriage because there's no guarantee of sexual compatibility. Posters are just trying to spare you some pain, that's all, because it seems to us that this extreme pride on what's really just a technicality is blinding you to reality.

You are basically describing yourself as waiting for a man who is willing to financially support you for the rest of your life, in exchange for the dubious privilege of getting to take that last 1% of your virginity once he's locked into his financial obligation.

To us, you appear destined to be supported by your parents till they die, and then hopefully you have a sibling or two to support you after that. Not a very fair burden to place on them for what we see as either laziness on your part or a false pride in your technical virginity.

So what we're pointing out is that you have one obsession too many. Either give up on the idea of technical virginity and be willing to let well-off men date and test drive you to find a sexually compatible mate they would be willing to have as a stay at home wife, or prepare to live the rest of your life without finding such a man, in which case you need to become financially self-sufficient.

There's nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. Everybody gets to advance sexually at their own pace. We're just warning you that you are determined to be unattractive as a partner in a modern marriage, in that you have no education, no job prospects, and won't let the guy find out how well you mesh sexually.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@nataly87 believe it or not we're actually listening and trying to help. You're defensive and belligerent in return.

Take a chill pill and listen. No one is telling you to go out and get fvcked. You're reading it that way but we're actually listening and giving feedback on what you say and based on our experiences.

I'm pretty sure no one cares if you stay a PIV virgin till you're married. But people are pointing out how others might react to your interpretation of things, because it's different than the "normal" views.

So that's all that's going on


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Option 5: hymenoplasty

http://thefemalesurgery.com/patients-guide-hymenoplasty/


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Do what makes YOU most comfortable, OP. You should only have sex when you feel ready, and have met someone that you find special enough to share it with. If for religious reasons, those too are your own. We live in a very sexual culture, and many people make a lot of mistakes by having sex with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Do what makes you feel at peace.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> WELL GUESS WHAT I am old fashioned and old school and I am going to wait and save myself until marriage


Sorry nataly87, there's nothing left to save. 



nataly87 said:


> I don't want to go to school, you blow millions of dollars even with scholarships and this and that and you don't even get a job in the end! Trust me I know a lot of friends of mine, who did the college thing and they are still jobless and in debut AND living at home.


So all your friends went to college, none of them have jobs, therefore you have made the assumption that college is worthless and therefore there's no good reason to go to college.

And you wonder why people question your beliefs?



nataly87 said:


> So no thank you. As for working, I am working on getting a job. I know what I am going to do with my life and I am going to improve myself damnit.


You have a very good chance of improving yourself nataly. You've got nowhere else to go but up. 




SimplyAmorous said:


> We married.. then he couldn't get it *IN*.. our 1st marital dilemma... so after 3 months of this..I'm frustrated [email protected]# I schedule an appointment with the OBGYN......feet up in the stirrups.. he says "Yep.. you have a rigid one alright".. then he hands me a slip of paper to get a blood test to rule out pregnancy..... telling me he was going to give me a "Hymenectomy"...
> 
> Imagine the shock 2 days later I get the call.. I am with CHILD..
> 
> ...


Did I read this correctly? You never had sex because husband couldn't get it in, yet you got pregnant and you think it was because God did it?



Lilac23 said:


> The reason it struck a nerve with people is because it implies hypocrisy that you engage in all of these other acts but stop at a penis entering your vagina.
> 
> You say you are not having sex until marriage, then right after say 'the other sexual stuff will happen when you're comfortable. What are you talking about?


 @Lilac23

Her posts do not imply hypocrisy, they DEFINE it. 

Can you imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with this person?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mclane said:


> Did I read this correctly? You never had sex because husband couldn't get it in, yet you got pregnant and you think it was because God did it?


No.. you are reading me wrong.. tongue in cheek joke really.. I don't even believe in a so called virgin birth.. my husband was on board with "waiting" -he never complained and respected me more for how I felt.. damn was he ever a rarity in the sea of men [email protected]#

I was just saying .. we did have some trouble getting it IN after the vows is all.. I had a very rigid hymen -obviously.. and I am happy that he was the man who was there for me... not some blow Joe who just wanted to get off.. as if so.. it would have been a horrendous experience for me.. 

And this has nothing ever to do with God..


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