# How much of a big deal is this:



## Anne III (Nov 22, 2010)

I'm getting married in a few weeks and my fiance had a previous marriage (shotgun wedding) he always said was unhappy and the discussions I've heard between him and his ex proove to me they fight a lot. They fight less now and are usually civil while discussing their teen daughter, that's really the only time they talk now.

He's always said other than her (his first partner ever) he's never been with anyone else but me (we met 3 years ago). I recently looked into his divorce papers (I need a copy for our marriage license) and in the list of reasons for the divorce it says he cheated early on in their marriage and got caught. 

I can see why he'd want to keep this a secret from me and I've never had trust issues before (he's always only ever been interested in me) but I feel like he lied. I will ask him about the details (I want to know her name in case she ever comes up even though we live in a different place) and I will see how forthcoming he is. We are about to get married! I don't want ANY secrets between us. How much of a big deal should this be?

It also said in the papers he used to come home inebriated and tell weird stories about where he was. The only serious issues we've ever had relate to when he drinks but I felt like it was under control now between us, it's just disconcerting to read about his previous marriage - that's to be expected I guess.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

His initial reaction will be really important. So don't take your eyes off his face while you're listening to what he has to say.

Keep in mind that it could also be his ex's rantings.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'd take a very long and careful look at someone who lies when there is no reason to. A liar with a drinking problem would be placed on my very long list of non-marriage material candidates. There can be no love without respect and lying is disrespect.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If he has not quit drinking, you should think long and hard about marrying him. "Under control" is not good enough. Furthermore, your own experience with him validates part of the story in the papers, making it seem possible that the other part is true. Lying to you about the other relationship is a big deal, b/c there is really no reason to lie, yet it seems he did. You need to ask him to come straight and then decide, but don't let the fact that you have a wedding planned make the decision for you. Good luck, either way.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

there is no reason to think he would be the same person with you. either it isnt true, and he just wanted out and he let her have whatever she wanted, you dont know all the details, or else its true, does it change the way you feel or your relationship for that matter?

he will tell you if he feels its right, did you ever cheat or psedo cheated, are you going to tell him all about it? probally not on your wedding nite. if you feel comfortable and secure would you tell him all the past lovers you had prob not. why?

because, the two of you are not thoes past relationship people. and plus you cheated, you werent supposed to look, and if you confront him, and scream at him , and he says, yes i cheated once twice or even three times. what then would you give him a free pass to know one of the top three things you would take to your grave?

maybe not...let sleeping dogs lie...for now be a little alert if you think he has in the past with you shown signs sneakiness. im guessing there isnt, or else you wouldnt be this upset,before you walk down the aisle.

just think about all possibilites and all angles.


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