# Received the Divorce Papers



## MILProblems (Sep 11, 2019)

I posted several months ago about my husband wanting a divorce, and MIL being way too involved in our marriage and his life. We did a few counseling sessions, and then he went back to traveling for work and counseling sessions with him stopped. I kept going, and have made some progress. I thought things were improving, and I started standing up for myself in a respectful manner. He'd roll his eyes at me, I'd call him out by telling him it was disrespectful and not to do it. He'd insult my weight or intelligence, I'd tell him it wasn't nice and I didn't deserve to be treated like that. In early April, he rolled his eyes at me as I was helping him with a plumbing project in the house, and I told him not to do that because it was disrespectful. He stormed out, saying he was done, and then returned in a few minutes and finished the project. 

I assumed everything was back to normal, but apparently, me standing up for myself was the straw that broke the camel's back. He signed the divorce papers a few days later, but continued to live here and didn't say he'd signed the papers. He moved out at the beginning of May, without warning. He moved things out in the middle of the night, very quietly, so as not to wake me. He didn't leave a note and didn't tell me until I called him to ask him about not making coffee that morning. I found out he'd signed the papers in early April when I received them. 

He took all of the valuables with him, cut off the cable service a few weeks ago, and then decided he was keeping my cell phone number last week. I'd already picked up a new cell phone, but I really would've liked my old number. When I called him to ask if he'd call and authorize an assignment of responsibility or whatever they call it, he refused and hung up on me. My MIL was definitely involved in that one, because I received a call from her house the afternoon he moved the number to a new phone. 

By the time he moved out, I was already willing to get divorced, because I realized how miserable I'd been and just how much emotional abuse he heaped on me. I would've been willing to amicably divide up everything, had he said he was filing and moving out. Now, I very much feel like I'm trying to be an adult and he's back to acting like a toddler. 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, let your lawyer deal with him. He can't just take all the valuables out of the house -- those are community property.
At this point, since HE is being so vindictive, get yourself a shark lawyer -- sounds like you will need it to stand up to his BS and games. I hope at least you have access to the financial documents, etc. you will need.
He put the first shot across your bow being so sneaky and underhanded in this -- make sure you give him the full broadside as a response. Get YOUR plan together, get YOUR list together and make sure you get what you want out of it. Don't "be nice" and just give him stuff. He doesn't care and has already declared war.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I am sure that all this you are going through is hard on you. But I think you will be doing a lot better in the future without someone who is emotionally beating you down all the time.

Since he took all the valuables, make an inventory with their value and make sure they are listed as assets he gets in the divorce. That way you get the same amount in either cash or some other asset that you want.

I agree with @jlg07, just let your attorney deal with him. This way you can get on with your life.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You sound almost passive about what is happening to you. Do not let your STBXH away with this. Ask your lawyer to intervene and ensure your rights are protected immediately.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Get a very good lawyer and stop all communication with him now if possible...it’s time to let the lawyers do their job, clearly he is being i first call jerk....and one hell of a mommy’s boy. Stop trying to be reasonable and fair, he is not listening.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I agree, make a list of the valuables so you can get your share or be reimbursed for half the value of them. He's a piece of work. Good riddance.


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## MILProblems (Sep 11, 2019)

I have a lawyer from back when he first mentioned divorce. She's been very helpful.

We had an itemized list of the valuables with what we purchased for them. That went to my lawyer within a few days of him moving out, along with what I want back highlighted. I have financial documents, at least as of September last year, plus his W-2 and all that. 

I laughed this afternoon--I had a routine check-up at my PCP's office, and they gave me a 2 page questionnaire asking about depression, anxiety, etc. I filled it out and when I gave it to my PCP said, "I'm in the middle of a divorce, so this is probably not the best time for me to answer these questions."


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