# Ex-husband using daughter to strike back



## TNgirl232

Hi guys,

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to handle a situation with their ex-husband. I just got remarried this past weekend and for the past several months my ex has been getting more and more confrontational I guess - or I'm just not letting him walk all over me anymore  - anyway. My dilemma is that I think he is trying to control me or prove that he has control of our daughter by doing stupid things. Examples:

1 - needing her for his family events on my days (i'm primary parent) and then the day of calling me and saying he doesn't have time to get her and asking me to bring her to him. I really blew up about this 2 days ago because he had scheduled a hair cut for her but didn't have anyone to pick her up to get there and needed me to bring her to his fiance in town because she was to busy to come and get her before hand and I said no - which lead to a conversation on how the Fiance is not responsible for these things and we are lucky she helps out at all, blah blah blah.

2 - the hair cut - about 4 months ago i let them take her for the first time to get a hair cut away from our normal place (she is 10, I'm 28 and our normal place has been doing my hair since I was 5 and her's since birth) and I asked that it not be cut more than an inch or 2. She comes back with bangs and layers - which are very difficult to work with when she has to get up at 5:45 to get on the bus - I don't have the time to be curling hair to make it look good that early in the morning. So this time my request was same length was fine as well as bangs but NO layers. My daughter knew this too. Well she comes back with layers - so i call her dad and complain and say she won't be getting her hair cut with them anymore. He said he didn't go with her to get it cut and forgot to tell the Finace about the NO layer request. Of course my daughter says that "Daddy said while he wanted her opinion, he was going to get it cut how he wanted it and that was that" - she is wanting to grow it out and now its shorter than ever.

He is pushing for more visitation, which we think is just to cut back on the money he has to give for child support (not that he's not already $600 behind at the moment) and has "threatened" to change custody days over this hair cut issue - its really stupid cause a judge wouldn't switch him to primary parent based on our living situations.

Do you think he is just trying to prove he still has some control over me in some small way? Is he acting out because I got remarried even though he is with the "love of his life" who is the person he was having an affair with when we got divorced?

Any thoughts would be great - I'm afraid its just one of those situations that I can't really do anything about and what makes me really mad is that my daughter is getting caught in the middle.

Thanks for reading that novel!


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## draconis

I think he is all talk, and frankly he would have a hard time to even get things back into court.

draconis


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## voivod

hair cut huh? i guess he has enough control to force you to react anyway. wow.


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## ScreamingInSilence

You're newly married, and it bothers him. he may even be jealous... jealous that you are no longer suffering alone, jealous that you have moved on, maybe even jealous that you have clearly no intention of every swooning over him again.

So, he's kicked it up a notch to get your attention / to ruin your good fun... in every divorce I have seen, this is exactly what happens after a remarriage... and it'll happen when you get pregnant too, trust me!

Him scheduling visits and cancelling/not being able to ger her makes him look bad... perhaps he should keep his promises before requesting more access. Perhaps he should pay support too before asking for more. In any event, and depending on where you're from, a Judge won't vary a custody order without proof that variation is in the best interest of the child... 

As for you, do not fret about the haircut. It makes you look bad. Trust me, you DO NOT want to have to testify in Court "Well you see, there were layers, and it was harder to manage"... know what I mean?? Pick your battles.


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