# My husband posts everything but me...am i being unreasonable?



## momandwifelife (Feb 28, 2017)

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have two children. He is active on social media but never posts anything about me. We have had infidelity issues in the past so this always makes me wonder. No happy birthday posts, anniversary nothing. He posts the kids on their birthdays and that's about it. Everything else is of material things. Now he shows me lots of love and affection daily, can't ever been in a room with me w/o butt slaps or hugs and kisses...I don't get birthday posts but he always takes me on trips and buys me really nice gifts. He spoils our kids and is very attentive. Doesn't stay out late or do anything suspicious...no locked phones etc...but I can't help but feel slighted and little hurt by the fact that his most recent sneaker purchase gets more shine than me on his social media. Am I being silly?


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

In this day and age, no, you arent being silly. Does he have his relationship status set to married? Have you brought this up to him? I would feel slighted too, its not like he has to gush and go overboard with stuff. Does he post any pictures of you or the two of you together? Some people like to keep relationship stuff private, but a married man not posting even happy birthday to his wife is.... odd and suspicious to me. You should make sure and tag him in pictures and statuses so it shows up on his profile. If he has it set to where he has to approve any tags, that to me would also be suspicious. 

Talk to him, maybe he honestly doesnt realize what he isnt doing. If he's doing it on purpose, there needs to be serious discussion.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

momandwifelife said:


> My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have two children. He is active on social media but never posts anything about me. *We have had infidelity issues in the past* so this always makes me wonder. No happy birthday posts, anniversary nothing. He posts the kids on their birthdays and that's about it. Everything else is of material things. Now he shows me lots of love and affection daily, can't ever been in a room with me w/o butt slaps or hugs and kisses...I don't get birthday posts but he always takes me on trips and buys me really nice gifts. He spoils our kids and is very attentive. Doesn't stay out late or do anything suspicious...no locked phones etc...but I can't help but feel slighted and little hurt by the fact that his most recent sneaker purchase gets more shine than me on his social media. Am I being silly?


Like what?


----------



## momandwifelife (Feb 28, 2017)

I have tagged him in pictures in the past and he never rejected any of them or stopped my ability but to willing post a picture he doesn't. I have brought it to him and he says that he doesn't like to share too much of his life. It seems I am the only missing part...the kids are scarce on his page as well but they are there. We have a really good life and enjoy each other all the time. So I don't want to over react but it bothers me a lot.


----------



## momandwifelife (Feb 28, 2017)

Text convos on both parties with others and who knows what else on his part (no real proof). We were much younger...but still.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

My fiancé from college dumped me, I was just like your husband except social media didn't exist. I was young dumb and devastated. Grew up though. What's his excuse? Who knew sometimes some dumb things to the other person mattered in a relationship. 

For his next birthday or anniversary by him a book the book 5 love languages and write him a note "to the man I love, but who is an idiot."
Oh, add a note, we can talk about it now or go to bed and talk about tomorrow, your choice (HINT) but we will fix this.

Seriously sometimes guys figure no 2x4 no real problem. Truth even though the other person will never understand the why the fact they do something can mean even more to me.


----------



## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

What is his marital status om his page?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I wouldn't overthink it, if he treats you well, wears his ring, has married as his status, I wouldn't worry so much. Many men are not overly demonstrative when it comes to showing the world how they feel about their wives. 
I suspect you cannot take TAM males as representative of men in general as the men who come on here are those that want to make their marriages better or treat the women in their lives better. In other words they are probably investing more time than the average male.


----------



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

FB fascinates me from a psychological perspective. Something I have noticed among friends and family is those that have the most problematic relationships tend to be the MOST gushing and photo happy people on FB when it comes to the SO. Those that are happy in their relationship tend to not bother other than occasional holiday pics, there is something more relaxed about it. I see this to a point that when someone starts constantly uploading pictures of their partner alarm bells start to ring - why are you doing this? What do they want us to think?

FB is a shop front to people's lives. If someone posts a picture of their new trainers/sneakers I think - oh they are trying to impress me (they must be feeling insecure right now - because frankly its a bit weird). Someone who is constantly updating me on their children (they are trying to compete with everyone using their children - if my children are happy I must be a great mum/dad). I know someone who regularly posts quotes on the virtues of 'Family' and yet I know her own family is very much dysfunctional (not saying this about your family OP but just an example as to how insecurities work their way out on SM). Those that are obsessed with selfies tend to be insecure about their looks (which is why young people do it more than middle aged people) adolescence is a time of great insecurity, even for the most attractive. 

So if you are barely mentioned on social media maybe he doesn't have anything to prove - maybe its part of his life that he feels is genuinely successful and is secure - regardless of past problems.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You say most of his post are material things, what do you mean by that? 

Truthfully I wouldn't be worried, if he's not posting every moment of what happens in his day (and he shouldn't) then he's just using social media as a tool and not an emotional outlet. In my opinion that's a good thing, be happy with the man you live with, don't worry about the guy on the internet.


----------



## momandwifelife (Feb 28, 2017)

Married


----------



## Dragon72 (May 27, 2015)

Say that you wish he would post more to celebrate your relationship and leave it at that. 
My wife recently told me after I sent a selfie of my son and me to my brother, that any selfies or photos I post or share of me and our son must include her too. Excuse me?! That's like something a six-year-old would say.
Incidentally home screen on my phone and on my PC at home is of her. For ME to see and remind me of her hourly.
Look for other proofs of his love for you elsewhere in his life (not only Social Media related) and if they are lacking too, I think you have grounds for complaint.


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I will share how I am on social media: I feel that people share way to much personal information & such to the world. I am not a privacy freak, but I want to limit the amount of exposure. To many people trolling or looking for information they don't need. Plus with employers & potential employers wanting to monitor, I keep things to a minimum.

As such, I don't post any pictures of family on social media at all. Not my kids, not my wife, but sometimes the pets  But I will post mostly material things, just like your husband. However, I don't spend a lot of time on social media, not my thing, unlike your husband. 

What is his response when you mention that you feel slighted on his social media?


----------



## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I am inclined to believe you are overthinking this. My boyfriend rarely uses SM, so I'll use my best friend as an example. She *only* uses Facebook to share funny memes, videos, and delicious recipes. She chooses to keep her family/personal life off of FB. She does not post photos of her children (I can recall maybe 2 in the past year) nor does she gush about her husband on there. She is very happily married and loves being a mom; she just feels FB isn't to be taken so serious and has no desire to share photos on it.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

So, he treats you extremely well, is loving, generous, and affectionate -- except he doesn't post about you on facebook. Such a first world problem! IMO, get over it, and appreciate what you have.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Dragon72 said:


> My wife recently told me after I sent a selfie of my son and me to my brother, that any selfies or photos I post or share of me and our son must include her too. Excuse me?! That's like something a six-year-old would say.


That's pretty ****ed up! She's very insecure. 
@momandwifelife 

If he's posting up pictures of him with the kids (excludes you then I think that's an issue. But it doesn't sound like that's what he's doing. And, it sounds like he's a good husband & father elsewhere in life. I'd look beyond it. 

IMO, FB is dumb.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

momandwifelife said:


> We have had infidelity issues in the past so this always makes me wonder.


Specifics please.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

momandwifelife said:


> My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have two children. He is active on social media but never posts anything about me. We have had infidelity issues in the past so this always makes me wonder. No happy birthday posts, anniversary nothing. He posts the kids on their birthdays and that's about it. Everything else is of material things. Now he shows me lots of love and affection daily, can't ever been in a room with me w/o butt slaps or hugs and kisses...I don't get birthday posts but he always takes me on trips and buys me really nice gifts. He spoils our kids and is very attentive. Doesn't stay out late or do anything suspicious...no locked phones etc...but I can't help but feel slighted and little hurt by the fact that his most recent sneaker purchase gets more shine than me on his social media. Am I being silly?


 I never understood the obligatory FB post for every occasion. How did we live before FB??? Oh yes, love, attention, affection, book weekends away and a birthday card/cake. For the life of me....a person gets all the aforementioned but will be called out because the obligatory FB post about the event was not made.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If his not posting pictures of you on FB is the biggest problem, then I wouldn't worry. People use FB differently. If it is just one sign of his not valuing you, that is worth being concerned about.


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

I would be more concerned if he's showing you no love in person while pretending otherwise with plenty fb posts of you/children.

You've said that he doesn't even post much about the children either: "He posts the kids on their birthdays and that's about it. Everything else is of material things. Now he shows me lots of love and affection daily, can't ever been in a room with me w/o butt slaps or hugs and kisses..."

I too felt a bit slighted with my partner in the beginning. We've been together close to 6years and to this day there is not 1 image of me, 1 post about me nor the "in a relationship" status. He just doesn't feel its necessary to advertise his personal life. truth is neither do I. I was making an issue of it only because this is what I saw other couples doing. I decided to stop comparing our social media life to others and spend less time on there in general. What matters more is the effort he puts into our relationship and making me happy day in and day out.

If there were other red flags such as secrecy with his phone, phone ringing off the hook etc, then that coupled with the fb would be an issue.


----------



## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Nah you aren't being unreasonable. I wish my wife would post more about me/us. I post more about us than she does. She has done it a few times and it always brightens my day. Just tell your husband that you would like to be a part of his social media. Post about the two of you and tag him in the posts so his friends see it too.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

momandwifelife said:


> My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have two children. He is active on social media but never posts anything about me. We have had infidelity issues in the past so this always makes me wonder. No happy birthday posts, anniversary nothing. He posts the kids on their birthdays and that's about it. Everything else is of material things. Now he shows me lots of love and affection daily, can't ever been in a room with me w/o butt slaps or hugs and kisses...I don't get birthday posts but he always takes me on trips and buys me really nice gifts. He spoils our kids and is very attentive. Doesn't stay out late or do anything suspicious...no locked phones etc...but I can't help but feel slighted and little hurt by the fact that his most recent sneaker purchase gets more shine than me on his social media. Am I being silly?


Dear MAWL,

Don't maul me!

This is what we know.

a. He cheated once.
b. He is a horny dude. He visibly shows it.
c. He does not "advertise" that he has a wife.
d. He is active on social media.
e. He is a social, friendly outgoing guy. The kind that women like.

"Maybe", he does not put your face on social media because he wants to keep his options open. I am sure that he loves you. I am also sure that he cannot "truly" be trusted. He has proved that, right?
Not putting your face on social media is sending a signal that, while he is married, he does not have that close relationship that other marriages have. 

???????????
Or maybe he wants to keep you hidden to protect you.
Or he is [mildly] embarrassed of you? 

Wife? Out of sight, out of mind. A women that is interested in starting something with your husband will think twice when seeing how close you two are [by looking at pictures of you two together]. By not seeing your face, she simply does not know the status of his marriage. Your part in it. 

*Is he cheating? I do not know. At this point no one knows. Anything else is speculation.* The potential is there...nothing else, based on what you have told us.
............................................................................................................................................................................................................
I think he is a good husband....not perfect....they do not exist.

You want to check on him?

Check out Weightlifters Red Flag List. Someone will provide it.

Check his phone for hidden messaging apps. He may use his office phone for talking. Does he have a burner phone? Is it time to put a voice activated recorder, VAR, in his car?

I have no idea.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

momandwife,

If I am reading correctly you and your H had EAs?, emotional affairs, with other people or were they physical as well ?

If so who had the first affair.

I ask this because frequently when the W has the first affair the H never really forgives, but fakes recovery for years and years. That he does not post about you might indicate he still has mixed feelings or distrust of you. 

Tamat


----------



## troubledinma (May 30, 2016)

I think it's important to communicate about it, but FB is a scourge and I wouldn't over interpret. I almost never posted about my wife or personal life (because who cares except close friends and family?). I used to post pictures of the kids, but I stopped that too. It ain't worth it. 

Sent from my SM-G925T using Tapatalk


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Jumping to the end. I am always skeptical of married people - even friends - who don't post about their S. very bad IMO. No infidelity in my relationship btw 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Btw on FB my W and I both have the same profile photo of us in the first few months when we met in '82

FB is a social network. If you're not social with your s what's the point?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

Several years ago, we both had FB (and still do) but neither one of us posted about the other. Hell, we didn't even wear our wedding rings. We were very disconnected. Once we almost divorced, started counseling and became closer, that stuff changed. We are each om our FB pages, says who we are married to, we each tag eachother on pictures, show pictures of us together on outings, etc. Not sure what his reason is behind not showing you on social media, but sometimes there is a reason behind it. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

momandwifelife said:


> My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have two children. He is active on social media but never posts anything about me. We have had infidelity issues in the past so this always makes me wonder. No happy birthday posts, anniversary nothing. He posts the kids on their birthdays and that's about it. Everything else is of material things. Now he shows me lots of love and affection daily, can't ever been in a room with me w/o butt slaps or hugs and kisses...I don't get birthday posts but he always takes me on trips and buys me really nice gifts. He spoils our kids and is very attentive. Doesn't stay out late or do anything suspicious...no locked phones etc...but I can't help but feel slighted and little hurt by the fact that his most recent sneaker purchase gets more shine than me on his social media. Am I being silly?


Not everyone needs to suffocate under their spouse.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

DepressedHusband said:


> Not everyone needs to suffocate under their spouse.




Wow. Mentioning your S or posting photos with them is suffocating? Well not for me. I rarely post but if I do it's the kids and W. what else is there to post? Your meal?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

DepressedHusband said:


> Not everyone needs to suffocate under their spouse.




Your spouse should not be suffocating. You should be happy and proud of them and want to share your life with others.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

People make way too much of FB imo. It's a toy...froth and bubble and it's not real.

My husband hardly posts at all, and when he does he just shares pictures or videos, sometimes he'll comment on a friends post or even one of mine lol! His profile pic is one of us on our wedding day and his status says he's married to me, but even if it didn't I don't think it would bother me - I'm on it far more than he. 

I think you're overthinking this hon.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

frusdil said:


> People make way too much of FB imo. It's a toy...froth and bubble and it's not real.
> 
> My husband hardly posts at all, and when he does he just shares pictures or videos, sometimes he'll comment on a friends post or even one of mine lol! His profile pic is one of us on our wedding day and his status says he's married to me, but even if it didn't I don't think it would bother me - I'm on it far more than he.
> 
> I think you're overthinking this hon.


Most of my friends get the hook on FB as a result of posting frivolous junk. The others who don't get the hook never post anything. I'm left with my own posts and any recipes my W posts. :smile2:


----------



## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I use FB to post pictures of projects I am currently doing and hobbies I am involved in so that my friends and I can see what we are up to. I've never posted a picture of my wife and kids, not interested in sharing that with my friends. My friends are not my family although of course some or most even family have friended me so they get to see what I'm up to also. 

I also find FB reminders of birthdays and anniversaries annoying .


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

This exactly. 



frusdil said:


> People make way too much of FB imo. It's a toy...froth and bubble and it's not real.
> 
> My husband hardly posts at all, and when he does he just shares pictures or videos, sometimes he'll comment on a friends post or even one of mine lol! His profile pic is one of us on our wedding day and his status says he's married to me, but even if it didn't I don't think it would bother me - I'm on it far more than he.
> 
> I think you're overthinking this hon.


----------



## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

peacem said:


> So if you are barely mentioned on social media maybe he doesn't have anything to prove - maybe its part of his life that he feels is genuinely successful and is secure - regardless of past problems.


:iagree:

I love your take on this.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

peacem said:


> FB fascinates me from a psychological perspective. Something I have noticed among friends and family is those that have the most problematic relationships tend to be the MOST gushing and photo happy people on FB when it comes to the SO. Those that are happy in their relationship tend to not bother other than occasional holiday pics, there is something more relaxed about it. I see this to a point that when someone starts constantly uploading pictures of their partner alarm bells start to ring - why are you doing this? What do they want us to think?
> 
> FB is a shop front to people's lives. If someone posts a picture of their new trainers/sneakers I think - oh they are trying to impress me (they must be feeling insecure right now - because frankly its a bit weird). Someone who is constantly updating me on their children (they are trying to compete with everyone using their children - if my children are happy I must be a great mum/dad). I know someone who regularly posts quotes on the virtues of 'Family' and yet I know her own family is very much dysfunctional (not saying this about your family OP but just an example as to how insecurities work their way out on SM). Those that are obsessed with selfies tend to be insecure about their looks (which is why young people do it more than middle aged people) adolescence is a time of great insecurity, even for the most attractive.
> 
> So if you are barely mentioned on social media maybe he doesn't have anything to prove - maybe its part of his life that he feels is genuinely successful and is secure - regardless of past problems.


Sad but so often VERY TRUE... so consider the other side of the coin...

For example...I witnessed our son's ex posting very gushing posts.... meanwhile towards the end... she was struggling emotionally, torn between 2 lovers, she dumped him for one of his close friends.. WHY was it such a shock... how she portrayed their relationship on Facebook!! 

A week before she broke up with him, talking to their Youth Pastor & wife...they commented on what a great relationship they had... I stood there telling them I expected her to break up with him & be with _____ , they were shocked at my words...mentioning HER shining "He's my world" Facebook posts !... I could see the signs behind the scenes....even warned son.... yet she did it to the very end none the less... (was it to speak things in hoping she would FEEL that way again.... I don't know , only she could answer this)... 

So the *motivations* as to why some DO THIS... could be more unsettling/ signaling all is NOT WELL...that something is stirring within - in these relationships. 

Having a spouse post nothing, or very little ... but treats us with loving affectionate care behind the scenes....this is something to hold on to, where no one sees.. this is what satisfies ...or should. 

Also had a friend ...she's shared she rejects her husband regularly & he's been emotional about it, telling me she "doesn't care"... meanwhile I'd see her post highly romantic , "what would she do without him in her life" posts a week later after this conversation...you just shake your head.. One has to wonder....if HE read those, what would HE be thinking .... 

We see those who share TOO MUCH negative stuff, like the "dirty laundry" should be kept behind closed doors & computer screens...which just shows there are 2 extremes- both trying to fill a void of some sort... 

Facebook and authenticity....it's not always so easy to read... somewhere in between..not going on too much about any relationship.. but still - now & then offering a family picture or a mention (if one shares photos)... sounds very reasonable..and less likely for people to be doing this....


----------



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

@SimplyAmorous

There is so much pressure on people to appear 'successful' and I am sure posting about our 'successes' actually makes us feel really 'successful'. We delude ourselves so we don't have to face the real issues...that life is messy and and difficult, and there is always someone who appears to be doing better than us. All those 'likes' reinforce our delusions; we are happy, we are happier than anyone else, we are successful. 

There is another terrible story of someone I knew (x SIL) where her perfect post marriage life was played out on FB right up until social services removed her children for abuse and neglect. That is why I never trust anything that is posted on SM, not even the happy stuff. 

For the OP obviously if she is concerned about whether FB is being used as a hook up site then she needs to take sensible measure to make sure that isnt' happening, especially if there is history - however not posting pictures of her is not remotely reliable evidence in isolation. IMO.


----------

