# When to call it quits?



## onewomanshow (Sep 25, 2011)

I will start fromt the beginning. My husband and I were married in 1997 after dating for 6 months. I truly thought he was the man of my dreams and my soulmate. He treated me like no other man had (while we were dating). But once we got married, things slowly began to change. He no longer treated me like he did, he grew angry all the time, and pushed me away whenever I tried to initiate any intimacy. I had asked him before we got married about his thoughts on household chores and he agreed we would both be responsible since we both worked outside the home. For years I thought his immature nature was just because he needed to grow up and I needed to give him time. But year after year I was the one doing it all. NO, I am not exaggerating here folks. I worked a full time job, took care of the kids (all he ever did in parenting was yell at them and punish them) did all of the cooking and meal planning, I did the dishes, the laundry, the yard work, car maintainance, etc... I would cry and beg him to help me, and give me a hand. He would help out for a few day to maybe a weeks time and then go right back to the way it was. I sought counselling for our marriage as I could see it falling apart, but he ignored everything I did to try and repair what I saw was a horrible exisitance. We were more like roomates than a married couple. And our sex life was almost non exsistant. And when we did have sex, he did not care about my needs anymore, once he was done, he would fall asleep and too bad for me. After the birth of my 3 child in 2005, I was contacted by an old friend from high school and he and I began chatting online and emailing one another. It was totally innocent and we were just friends, trying to help each other out by giving each other advice in each of our marriages (yes, he is married also) As time went on though, we both found that talking to one another was what helped us get through our days. He made me feel beautiful and desirable where my husband made me feel worthless. Finally, last year I could no longer take anymore and I told my husband I wanted to seperate. He left and moved out. During this time I went out on a few dates with my friend. We were seperated about 3 months and he begged me to take him back and give him another chance. I was very reluctant at first because of the mutiple times I begged him to change and he didn't. But not wanting to give up on my marriage I agreed to take him back, as long as he agreed to an open marriage so I could continue to see my friend from time to time and not feel as though I was cheating or doing it behind his back. He agreed to this and moved back in. Within one week, he lost his job of 10 years and now I was supporting us all on my own. He also began dating a woman he had met. Of course, as I had suspected, he went right back to the way it was. Always angry, never lifting a finger to help in any way. We lost our home, my car got repo'd, and we had to move in with my sister for a few months. We have finally got a place, but he and I do not sleep together and my relationship with my friend has progressed into a intimate one. I really love this other man, and I no longer have any feelings for my husband other than I do care about him. I have tried to talk to him and tell him how I feel, but he seems to think that if I stop seeing this other man (he is no longer seeing this other woman), our marriage will miraculously repair itself and we will be happy again. I am at the end of my rope and I feel the best thing to do would be divorce. I never entered my marriage thinking one day it would end, but I also never believed he would treat me the way he has.I would love some input and advice.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

The only fair thing to do would be to divorce him. If he no longer wants an "open" marriage... and you no longer want to be married to him, let him go so that he can close that sucker right up with someone else.

What are you waiting for? Him to file? If one of your children were grown and were you in this marriage, would you be happy for them? What if they were your husband in this marriage? Do whatever you would tell your kids... because I seriously doubt that you want your kids to grow up thinking that your marriage is the way it should be.


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