# Well at least they came home to you...



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Anyone hate hearing this? As if in the long run, it makes it better. 

"Your wife may be cheating, but at least she comes home to YOU."

I have a hard time seeing the bright side of this. Ok, so I get...the bills, the kids, her periods, her junkie friends and their AA meetings. 

All the other guy got was SEX. Oh yeah, I really feel like I got the sweet end of that deal....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Don't know that I've ever heard this little gem. It's bullsh*t either way.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Why do you think it was so good for him? He didn't have to deal with all the responsibilities of a long-term relationship. If it evolves into that, then it does. Initially, he's just looking to console an angry woman who is just dying to talk with a compassionate, complimenting man, who, "understands", her. All he has to do is listen, agree, and buy her a drink and send a few sexy compliments her way. You, she knows. You have to do much, much more.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

It is rather sad, isn't it.

She gives her woes to you and her body to others. :scratchhead:

It...

just...

sucks.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Yeah, there is a particular type of f**kwit out there who took "Always look on the bright side of Life" seriously. That's about as much brain power as you will get out of the drop kick who said that.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Ugh - our first MC told me "Well, you won, he lost." Meaning, I got the girl in the end (wife choosing to work on marriage instead of going to be with the OM).

Funny, it sure didn't feel like I won a damn thing.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Even though it wasn't said to me, the one I hate hearing (very similar to Jadiel's) is, "She _chose_ you over him."


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yeah, I thought that was decided before she accepted the proposal. hahaha


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> "Your wife may be cheating, but at least she comes home to YOU."
> 
> I have a hard time seeing the bright side of this.


If you actually start seeing the bright side of this, check into a mental hospital. I don't know how you guys continue to live in this crap. There are too many other chicks out there. If and when they go bad, trade um in.


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> Ugh - our first MC told me "Well, you won, he lost." Meaning, I got the girl in the end (wife choosing to work on marriage instead of going to be with the OM).
> 
> Funny, it sure didn't feel like I won a damn thing.



I would think most often... whoever goes on without a cheater in their life anymore "won". You would think, right?

Like Tori Spelling and Dean McWhat'sHisFace: their former spouses "won".

But maybe your counselor subscribes to the Charlie Sheen school of "Winning!"?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The winners are the couples who never have to go through this. Who communicate effectively. Who love each other through thick and thin. Who don't abuse each other's love and affection. Who respect and admire each other. Who love each other for their minor faults not in spite of them. 

I'm so sorry for you, Jadiel.


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> The winners are the couples who never have to go through this. Who communicate effectively. Who love each other through thick and thin. Who don't abuse each other's love and affection. Who respect and admire each other. Who love each other for their minor faults not in spite of them.
> 
> I'm so sorry for you, Jadiel.


I don't know. Having the strength, character, and integrity to stand up to and reject mistreatment and abuse and exclude it from your life can kind of be a major step forward for a lot of people. It can be a victory of sorts for a lot of people... who tend to find themselves drawn to internet sites looking for any escape from "the devil they don't know" (change).


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

TimeHeals said:


> I don't know. Having the strength, character, and integrity to stand up to and reject mistreatment and abuse and exclude it from your life can kind of be a major step forward for a lot of people. It can be a victory of sorts for a lot of people... who tend to find themselves drawn to internet sites looking for any escape from "the devil they don't know" (change).


Too subtle for me. You don't think the winners are what I described?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

If you want to be the alpha dog in the relationship and have respect for yourself if not from others (respect for yourself is all that really counts), follow the lyrics from a song by Ambrosia. David Pack wrote my life. 


_But if you think that we'd be better parted
It's gonna hurt me but I'll break away from you

Just give me the sign and I will be gone 

That's how much I feel for you, baby
How much I need I need your touch
How much I live I live for your loving
That's how much, that's how much
That's how much, that's how much
_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"She gives her woes to you and her body to others."

This is one of the primary reasons why I refused to even consider staying with my LTgf when her cheating was discovered...f*ck that noise.

There is no way I would forgive or look past such an insult.

While I support any BS in the choice they want to make and give them the best advice I can based on their wants/needs, there is NO WAY I personally would ever do anything but end the M or relationship.

F*ck her she blew it, and there are no second chances.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> Anyone hate hearing this? As if in the long run, it makes it better.
> 
> "Your wife may be cheating, but at least she comes home to YOU."
> 
> ...


If your wife is cheating, you need to either make her stop, or not let her come home to you. Then you won't have to hear it.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Gabriel said:


> Ugh - our first MC told me "Well, you won, he lost." Meaning, I got the girl in the end (wife choosing to work on marriage instead of going to be with the OM).
> 
> Funny, it sure didn't feel like I won a damn thing.


Sounds like an MC that's way out of touch. Nobody wins anything in infidelity, the only one that wins anything is the MC that takes your money to tell you stupid things like this. You won the prize of sharing your wife with another man and sloppy seconds, wooh.. What do you want to choose, behind door number one is divorce.. behind door number two, cuckold.. or door number three, spend years trying to repair the damage.. so tough a choice, I need the audiences help, which one should I choose??

Zoinks, you won the whammy prize, your wife...


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

reminds me of a girl I just dated where she said "I've dated guys just for sex, but you get all the good stuff, that's how much I care about you." where I used to think...hhmmm I wish I were the other guys. Messed up thinking.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Ugh, with heavy suspicions of my wife having a EA, I was talking to my friend and he said this. "she came home to you".. "you're a better catch than that guy so I wouldnt worry"..

its like dude even if she loves me or if I am a better catch, this doesnt make it feel better. 

Gabriel,
"you won, he lost" ..wow. i would have left the session.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Actually, the only person I ever heard that from - or anything similar - was my cheating husband. 

_"I always came home to you!" _​
And when he said it, he managed to make it sound like I was the biggest idiot on earth for not realizing what a favor it was that he did. 

Asshat.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Ugh, with heavy suspicions of my wife having a EA, I was talking to my friend and he said this. "she came home to you".. "you're a better catch than that guy so I wouldnt worry"..
> 
> its like dude even if she loves me or if I am a better catch, this doesnt make it feel better.
> 
> ...


To be fair - this was a session in which I revealed to my wife something I saw written between them that broke my heart. I was a blubbering mess spitting it out. She was likely trying to make me feel better in the moment.

Also, my wife had an EA - her sloppy seconds were emotional, not physical. A different issue.

But in the end, the sentiment was the same. Sure as hell didn't feel like a winner.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I remember years ago talking to my mother in law....I don't even remember the subject...but she made the statement..*that some lady "stepped out" on her husband.* I had never heard that phrase before...she would be over 100 now...so maybe it was a term they used long ago...but this thread reminded me of it.


Hey, I've used that expression before.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I am not really that old, no spring chicken either, but I have heard that statement about "stepping out" used many ties throughout the years. I think it makes the person characterized as better because they weren't really cheating, just "stepping out".


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Squeakr said:


> I am not really that old, no spring chicken either, but I have heard that statement about "stepping out" used many ties throughout the years. I think it makes the person characterized as better because they weren't really cheating, just "stepping out".


I always interpreted as to meaning cheating.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I always interpreted as to meaning cheating.


That is what it is, but it has a different "aura" or context about it when stated that way and doesn't sound as bad in perception by others as cheating sounds.

Just as one says I "misappropriated funds", as it sounds like maybe you made an error or misplaced the funds and not as negative as saying I embezzled (sounds dirty and cheap) or stole/ robbed (which sounds violently involved).


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Squeakr said:


> That is what it is, but it has a different "aura" or context about it when stated that way and doesn't sound as bad in perception by others as cheating sounds.
> 
> Just as one says I "misappropriated funds", as it sounds like maybe you made an error or misplaced the funds and not as negative as saying I embezzled (sounds dirty and cheap) or stole/ robbed (which sounds violently involved).


Here's some nostalgia for you:

Paul Revere And The Raiders - Steppin' Out (with lyrics)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Anyone hate hearing this? As if in the long run, it makes it better.
> 
> "Your wife may be cheating, but at least she comes home to YOU."
> 
> ...


This is not the context that I've always heard that said in.

The way I've heard it is that a man might to go strip clubs, flirt with other women... then he comes home all hot an bothered and has sex with his wife. So she's supposed to feel good that "at list he come home to her" to finish off with an orgasm.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Depends on the context of the conversation, too. Sometimes, the same word is used in different ways by different generations. Sometimes, the newer generations carried over the old word, colloquialism or slang. So, I guess if you're not sure, listen further and/or ask.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I remember years ago talking to my mother in law....I don't even remember the subject...but she made the statement..that some lady "stepped out" on her husband. I had never heard that phrase before...she would be over 100 now...so maybe it was a term they used long ago...but this thread reminded me of it.


I've heard "stepped out" for cheating many times. It used to be a very common "polite" way to say someone cheated. And to make sure all know.. I"m not quite 100 year.. working on it but not there..


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

LOL. Wow that was a young Michael Landon.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Anyone hate hearing this? As if in the long run, it makes it better.
> 
> "Your wife may be cheating, but at least she comes home to YOU."
> 
> ...


Actually, it's what I told myself to comfort myself when my wife's affair was over. "At least she came back to me."


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MattMatt said:


> Actually, it's what I told myself to comfort myself when my wife's affair was over. "At least she came back to me."


I'm sorry, but that thought of my ex doing that makes me throw up a little in my mouth.


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## botti (May 28, 2014)

Years ago, I had a long distance EA. I ended it when it crossed what was an acceptable line for me, but I never picked up that my husband was upset by it. He was aware of it, as it predated our own relationship, and he always said, "I know you sleep next to me, so I don't care. That's your thing."

Fast forward 8 years and I am confronting him on his own affairs. He must have been waiting years to throw it in my face when he said, "I never commented on your thing with B---, so you can't be upset about what I did."

The shoe now on the other foot, I can say with certainty that it doesn't matter that he is home with me when I believe he would rather be anywhere else.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

3putt said:


> Even though it wasn't said to me, the one I hate hearing (very similar to Jadiel's) is, "She _chose_ you over him."


Haha! - I got this one from me ex WS. 

"I knew early on it wasn't where I wanted to be"

"If I wanted him how come I with you?" :rofl:

Because you had to say something positive after I busted open your secret world. Direct from "The cheaters handbook of stock replies".


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> Anyone hate hearing this? As if in the long run, it makes it better.
> 
> *"Your wife may be cheating, but at least she comes home to YOU."
> *
> ...


Ugh..next tme someone says this and says you are the "winner" ask them if they want your "winnings".... *There are NO bright sides to infidelity only heartache and scars. * People need to think before they speak. :banghead:


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

"At least they came home to you."
At 4am! How is that good?

"You won."
The prize isn't worth the victory.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

My MC has told me over and over I should be feel lucky, my h hasn't gone anywhere in 3 yrs since the affair was discovered. He's been proving to me he really wants this, and to make it work. WTF????????? 

-sammy


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I remember years ago talking to my mother in law....I don't even remember the subject...but she made the statement..that some lady "stepped out" on her husband. I had never heard that phrase before...she would be over 100 now...so maybe it was a term they used long ago...but this thread reminded me of it.


People then had verbal manner and got their point across with the least offensive language. Somehow I like that better than my neighbor telling me a couple of weeks ago she believed her sisters husband was f**king around on her and needed legal advise.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

russell28 said:


> If your wife is cheating, you need to either make her stop, or not let her come home to you. Then you won't have to hear it.


Meh, shes not anymore, at least as far as I can tell. About 85% of the time, things with us are great, but the other 15% of the time I just can't get it out of my head, and for everyone's sake, I try to vent away from my family. On various message boards; email and facebook, or just in the car with my homies on the way to work.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> Meh, shes not anymore, at least as far as I can tell. About 85% of the time, things with us are great, but the other 15% of the time I just can't get it out of my head, and for everyone's sake, I try to vent away from my family. On various message boards; email and facebook, or just in the car with my homies on the way to work.


If you've got a woman that make you happy 85% of the time, you don't have a problem Dawg. You're a damn sight better off than a lot of guys.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> If you've got a woman that make you happy 85% of the time, you don't have a problem Dawg. You're a damn sight better off than a lot of guys.


That's basically why I didn't kill her and burn the house down lol.....


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I remember years ago talking to my mother in law....I don't even remember the subject...but she made the statement..that some lady "stepped out" on her husband. I had never heard that phrase before...she would be over 100 now...so maybe it was a term they used long ago...but this thread reminded me of it.


I overheard my WAW arguing with her POS, I actually heard her say:

You have to sympathize with my husband it was his wife that stepped out on him, you have no idea what that's probably like for a guy!


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> I am not really that old, no spring chicken either, but I have heard that statement about "stepping out" used many ties throughout the years. I think it makes the person characterized as better because they weren't really cheating, just "stepping out".


According to one of the coaches in our collaborative divorce proceedings, 

My wife uses the term because she stepped out of the marriage and got engaged to the pos. You see in her psychotic way of thinking she's not cheating when she has sex with him, she's cheating if she has sex with me...they called it a Pseudo-marriage, kind of like a 16 year old would have...


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