# HELP!!!



## Johnjohn711

Okay people! I’m seriously an idiot!!!
So the other day one of my coworkers (female) 
Posted a picture of her Halloween costume she is a nun and everyone at work plays and jokes around and plays dumb on peoples Facebook comments so I commented on her post. this is when I know messed up “I just leaked holy water in my pants” I know stupid and ****ing stupid at the time I thought it was funny like I said we ALL play around like this at work we’re correctional officers we’re with our coworkers 12-16 hours EVERYDAY so we all developed a stupid since of humor but we all stay stupid stuff like that even worse things! Not an excuse I know but I said what I said 😭 
Now my wife is like DONE!!!! Wants to throw my stuff out and leave my stupid ass. I NEVER in a million years would cheat on her with anybody shoot especially my coworkers but in her eyes she sees me doing it but I would never I got to much to loose Her my daughter my house. I tried to apologize but she’s not trying to here it blows me off today was the first day she ignored me.
So HELP! What should I do


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## Rob_1

It was a ****ing joke, why do you have to apologize to your wife? If something like this have your wife up on a bend, then you have a lot more problems than posting a joke.

I might be wrong in my interpretation of your words, but reading between the lines it seems that your wife carries the pants in your house, and you are weak and subservient to her. It seems she controls the relationship. 

If what you say is true, that she's like done, I would take my stand and cross a line on the sand. She can't throw your stuff and you out, if she does that you call the police. Be prepare, and have some balls to stand up to her. If she's done like you said tell her goodbye, and don't let the door hit you on your way out. Don't be a weak puss. 
Now, my question to you is: why the heck are you with a woman that shows you no respect, does not trust you, makes a mountain out of an ant hill, why? It must be tiresome to be living with a person that must have you walking on edge if she doesn't thrust you. And please don't tell me that it is because you love her, because you loving her have nothing to do with the situation, think about it. It's more than a stupid comment made as a joke.


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## SunCMars

Seeing this female co-worker in a Nun's outfit was funny to you.
So funny that you almost peed your pants.
Adding in, that it would be _Holy Water._

I see nothing wrong with this.
And, it was kinda cute.

No, this is a wife having excessive jealousy issues, and she was just looking for an excuse to jump all over you.
She does not like you, it appears.

This is obvious resentment, and it reeks out from her.

She apparently thinks you are a lush and a cheater.
You claim otherwise.

What say you to her jealousy and resentment?
Does it have merit?

Do you flirt with woman, and that she had noticed this in the past?

I have no idea, I am just asking.


_Are Dee-_


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## Blondilocks

If you are working 12-16 hours EVERY DAY then you aren't spending much time with your wife and daughter. Of course, your wife is going to be ticked. 

Why are you working those hours?


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## Diana7

It was stupid but hardly something to get divorced over. I am wondering if you have done things like this before?


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## D0nnivain

Delete your dumb post & unfriend this co-worker on social media. Make sure your wife sees you do that. 

Now start sucking up to your wife. Apology flowers, a nice dinner, begging & groveling for forgiveness but not forever. . . one round of this must be enough. If she can't forgive you assuming you are genuinely sorry, this goes deeper than this single incident. You have a lot to talk about but start by acknowledging that you work too much, neglect her & then that this comment made her feel disrespected & undervalued. You may not want to have an affair with your coworker, but your wife doesn't know that. She is going by what you posted. 

After what's going on in the NFL, best you take this down immediately before somebody else complains about a sexist toxic male environment & you end up being written up for creating a hostile work environment.


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## Rob_1

Just like what what others are saying, but I forgot to add in my previous post: is this just the tip of of the iceberg for your wife after many previous questionable behavior by you?


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## Al_Bundy

Be honest, is this coworker younger/thinner than your wife?


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## Anastasia6

Rob_1 said:


> It was a ****ing joke, why do you have to apologize to your wife? If something like this have your wife up on a bend, then you have a lot more problems than posting a joke.
> 
> I might be wrong in my interpretation of your words, but reading between the lines it seems that your wife carries the pants in your house,  and you are weak and subservient to her. It seems she controls the relationship.
> 
> If what you say is true, that she's like done, I would take my stand and cross a line on the sand. She can't throw your stuff and you out, if she does that you call the police. Be prepare, and have some balls to stand up to her. If she's done like you said tell her goodbye, and don't let the door hit you on your way out. Don't be a weak puss.
> Now, my question to you is: why the heck are you with a woman that shows you no respect, does not trust you, makes a mountain out of an ant hill, why? It must be tiresome to be living with a person that must have you walking on edge if she doesn't thrust you. And please don't tell me that it is because you love her, because you loving her have nothing to do with the situation, think about it. It's more than a stupid comment made as a joke.


Respect goes two ways and holy water in this context would be cum.
So he is telling someone he works with for more hours in the day then he spends with his wife that just looking at her make him cum in his pants.

That is very disrespectful to his wife.

and this ia a halloween nun so probably some skimpy 'sexy' outfit. I've never found those kind of remarks sit well with women.

In addition now the wife has to question does he really work 16 hours a day or is he working 10 and ****ing the nun.


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## Anastasia6

Johnjohn711 said:


> Okay people! I’m seriously an idiot!!!
> So the other day one of my coworkers (female)
> Posted a picture of her Halloween costume she is a nun and everyone at work plays and jokes around and plays dumb on peoples Facebook comments so I commented on her post. this is when I know messed up “I just leaked holy water in my pants” I know stupid and ****ing stupid at the time I thought it was funny like I said we ALL play around like this at work we’re correctional officers we’re with our coworkers 12-16 hours EVERYDAY so we all developed a stupid since of humor but we all stay stupid stuff like that even worse things! Not an excuse I know but I said what I said 😭
> Now my wife is like DONE!!!! Wants to throw my stuff out and leave my stupid ass. I NEVER in a million years would cheat on her with anybody shoot especially my coworkers but in her eyes she sees me doing it but I would never I got to much to loose Her my daughter my house. I tried to apologize but she’s not trying to here it blows me off today was the first day she ignored me.
> So HELP! What should I do


Most relationships need a minimum amount of time for the two people to spend together not doing things like taking care of children or watching TV if you are working those hours and sleeping 8 hr. How many hours are you actually spending maintaining a relationship with your wife.

It's nice to say oh I'd never cheat on her. But guess what many affairs start at work, So many cheaters say I didn't plan it, it just happened. I spent a lot of time with x at work and feeling grew and then xxx happened and we just had sex. Many betrayeds feel stupid cause they never saw it coming. At least your wife recognizes a huge red flag when she sees one.


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## Anastasia6

And lets be honest on this anonymous internet forum. You find the nun sexy and you didn't 'just' comment on her photo you were trying to get her attention. You wanted her to respond.


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## ccpowerslave

I think you should leave your wife and see if you can get the nun to break her vow of celibacy.


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## Anastasia6

@Johnjohn711 there are several questions in the above posts. Without answers to some of them it will be hard for us to advise you.


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## Luckylucky

Surprised you didn’t lose your job over that very public ‘joke’. Could get you into trouble, coworker could screenshot and report you.


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## lifeistooshort

I'd be shocked if this was a first time offense.

OP, would you please clarify if questionable behavior has been an issue with you before?


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## Johnjohn711

Anastasia6 said:


> And lets be honest on this anonymous internet forum. You find the nun sexy and you didn't 'just' comment on her photo you were trying to get her attention. You wanted her to respond.


Honestly I don’t find her attractive in any way we all play like that at work but we never really cross that line that person knows I’m married and has a child so I know she would never cross that line. Listen with out a doubt I would NEVER in my wildest dreams ever cheat or even think about cheating on my wife with anyone especially someone I work with I understand now after you put into perspective that yeah I work ALOT of hours so it seems like I got an emotional bond with said person but I don’t. I have a better connection with my guy friends at work this is the first time I ever posted on her account I was joking and my coworker saw it as a joke to I really did mess up BIG time and I’m at the point when I just delete my social media not temporarily delete but fully delete if social media is going to break this then I don’t want no part of it I want us to be good again I hate feeling like this.


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## Johnjohn711

Luckylucky said:


> Surprised you didn’t lose your job over that very public ‘joke’. Could get you into trouble, coworker could screenshot and report you.


We play like this at work not professional I know


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## Johnjohn711

ccpowerslave said:


> I think you should leave your wife and see if you can get the nun to break her vow of celibacy.


That’s seriously the dumbest answer Ever


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## Anastasia6

Johnjohn711 said:


> We play like this at work not professional I know


Also no safe for work or for your marriage.


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## Johnjohn711

lifeistooshort said:


> I'd be shocked if this was a first time offense.
> 
> OP, would you please clarify if questionable behavior has been an issue with you before?


no I’ve never commented anything like that before but I saw everyone else playing around like that so I said what the heck and said what I said do I regret it yes a million times yes


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## Johnjohn711

Al_Bundy said:


> Be honest, is this coworker younger/thinner than your wife?


Yes but I still don’t find this woman attractive what so ever!


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## Johnjohn711

Anastasia6 said:


> Also no safe for work or for your marriage.


Please help! You seem to have your head on straight!
I’m currently cleaning house.. doing laundry.. fixing the things she told me to fix months ago.
We kinda had a conversation.
Her: We aren’t together anymore. We will be sleeping in separate bedrooms until you are able to get yourself an apartment or whatever. 
I have no idea on how to approach this or even anything I’m completely brain dead PLEASE HELP!!!


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## Anastasia6

Johnjohn711 said:


> Honestly I don’t find her attractive in any way we all play like that at work but we never really cross that line that person knows I’m married and has a child so I know she would never cross that line. Listen with out a doubt I would NEVER in my wildest dreams ever cheat or even think about cheating on my wife with anyone especially someone I work with I understand now after you put into perspective that yeah I work ALOT of hours so it seems like I got an emotional bond with said person but I don’t. I have a better connection with my guy friends at work this is the first time I ever posted on her account I was joking and my coworker saw it as a joke to I really did mess up BIG time and I’m at the point when I just delete my social media not temporarily delete but fully delete if social media is going to break this then I don’t want no part of it I want us to be good again I hate feeling like this.


So when marriages are strained or broken there are many factors which do you think applies. Most wives aren't ready to pack your bags over the first thing. Though cumming in your pants over a co-worker ...If you wife had come here she would have been told to pack your bags that you are a cheater and not to look back.

1. Feeling of resentment. For things like he doesn't appreciate me. He doesn't spend time with me. He wants sex but doesn't want to treat me like a live person like date me anymore. He complains about sex but he doesn't listen when I tell him....... I do all the work around the house, take care of our child, ?have a full time job and he spends Saturday drinking with he buddies instead of time with me or our child.

2. Disconnection. There's a concept of Love languages. Many men are physical touch or words of praise. women vary but many are time spent. I'm time and acts of service. Some are gifts. Do you know her love language? Do you speak to her through that and are you saying good or bad things?

Also part of disconnection people must continue dating or spending time being husband and wife versus parents or children or workers. Do you set tiime aside for that?

3. Lack of appreciation. Often times people fall in to habits of taking their spouse for granted.

4. Making them feel less than. I'm sure your little post hit this one. Do you comment on her appearance in negative ways. YOu may think you are being helpful but not really. That dress looks cute on you once you lose 5 pounds it will be perfect. You are beautiful, did you want to go put on make up they are taking pictures today.
Nun is so sexy I'll cum in my pants but I don't have the time of day to comment on your facebook page or even compliment you at home.

You get the idea. What do you think is going on. Now if she really thinks you are cheating that may just be it.... Chances are there is more.


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## Anastasia6

Johnjohn711 said:


> Yes but I still don’t find this woman attractive what so ever!


you realize even if that is true it doesn't matter. You wife knows nun is younger, thinner, sexier, and 100 other things she fears.

She's a mom. Her body has changed over the years and you don't have to throw a pebble very hard to see here on this website or in real life that men chase and do really stupid things over younger, prettier women.


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## Johnjohn711

Anastasia6 said:


> So when marriages are strained or broken there are many factors which do you think applies. Most wives aren't ready to pack your bags over the first thing. Though cumming in your pants over a co-worker ...If you wife had come here she would have been told to pack your bags that you are a cheater and not to look back.
> 
> 1. Feeling of resentment. For things like he doesn't appreciate me. He doesn't spend time with me. He wants sex but doesn't want to treat me like a live person like date me anymore. He complains about sex but he doesn't listen when I tell him....... I do all the work around the house, take care of our child, ?have a full time job and he spends Saturday drinking with he buddies instead of time with me or our child.
> 
> 2. Disconnection. There's a concept of Love languages. Many men are physical touch or words of praise. women vary but many are time spent. I'm time and acts of service. Some are gifts. Do you know her love language? Do you speak to her through that and are you saying good or bad things?
> 
> Also part of disconnection people must continue dating or spending time being husband and wife versus parents or children or workers. Do you set tiime aside for that?
> 
> 3. Lack of appreciation. Often times people fall in to habits of taking their spouse for granted.
> 
> 4. Making them feel less than. I'm sure your little post hit this one. Do you comment on her appearance in negative ways. YOu may think you are being helpful but not really. That dress looks cute on you once you lose 5 pounds it will be perfect. You are beautiful, did you want to go put on make up they are taking pictures today.
> Nun is so sexy I'll cum in my pants but I don't have the time of day to comment on your facebook page or even compliment you at home.
> 
> You get the idea. What do you think is going on. Now if she really thinks you are cheating that may just be it.... Chances are there is more.


4,3,1 honestly 
I don’t know in my head I just think she’s angry and upset but then she hit me with a bomb saying we are no longer together we will sleep in separate rooms until I can find something on my own.
Reading that broke my sprit! But also put a fire under my butt to show me time to step my game up!


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## Anastasia6

Johnjohn711 said:


> 4,3,1 honestly
> I don’t know in my head I just think she’s angry and upset but then she hit me with a bomb saying we are no longer together we will sleep in separate rooms until I can find something on my own.
> Reading that broke my sprit! But also put a fire under my butt to show me time to step my game up!


Ok so to step your game up we need to know a few things. 

What is her love languages
Physical Touch?
Time Spent
Words of appreciation
Gifts
Acts of service?


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## Johnjohn711

Anastasia6 said:


> Ok so to step your game up we need to know a few things.
> 
> What is her love languages
> Physical Touch?
> Time Spent
> Words of appreciation
> Gifts
> Acts of service?


Definitely acts of service she loves it when I come home and take charge but recently I’ve been getting home late the prison I’m at is Super short staffed so we get mandatory stay over for 4 hours most days I get home at 8-9:00 pm so yeah I’m tired and dealing with inmates 12-16 hours a day gets to me


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## Rob_1

Anastasia6 said:


> Respect goes two ways and holy water in this context would be cum.
> So he is telling someone he works with for more hours in the day then he spends with his wife that just looking at her make him cum in his pants.
> 
> That is very disrespectful to his wife.
> 
> and this ia a halloween nun so probably some skimpy 'sexy' outfit. I've never found those kind of remarks sit well with women.
> 
> In addition now the wife has to question does he really work 16 hours a day or is he working 10 and ****ing the nun.


That's your opinion and I got mine.
It not freaking disrespectful if it was in the context of what the OP is saying.



Anastasia6 said:


> You get the idea. What do you think is going on. Now if she really thinks you are cheating that may just be it.... Chances are there is more.


If you're going to go this way. We all can think that the wife's out of bounds reaction is because she's the one that is cheating and she might be projecting. Why not? Why it couldn't be that way.

Here we mostly have a bunch of females ganging up on the OP and placing all the fault on him without really knowing what's going on. We don't have the wife's imput to have a clear picture of if this is OP constant behavior and for the wife final straw.

Whatever it is the OP has not given a complete picture for us to assess what really is going on, because for a wife to declare divorce on a stupid post is way out of line. 

Moreover, here mostly females are ganging up on the OP to act like a pathetic supplicant, to get the wife's to take him back. Bad advice. OP needs to take his balls and be a damned man: if the wife wants out, he shouldn't behave like a lost little boy spinning around trying to find a way to make her understand that he doesn't want a divorce. If she is ready to divorce him OP should at least have the dignity to take it and say fine. We're done, rather than acting like a wimp.

IT WAS A ****ING JOKE. If nothing else is going on and the wife can't see that, them she must be a bitter pain in the ass to live with, and the OP would be better served getting out of this relationship. 

To the OP. You are starting to sound like a desperate weak man that can't take the bull by the horns and deal with the situation as presented. In this forum only you must know what really is ticking your wife to go extreme on joke post. It would be interesting to find out for sure what really is going on. Is she mental? Or have you been giving her plenty of grief to go around for her to explode this way? Whatever, just keep your self respect and dignity if what she really want is to divorce you.


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## lifeistooshort

Rob_1 said:


> That's your opinion and I got mine.
> It not freaking disrespectful if it was in the context of what the OP is saying.
> 
> 
> 
> If you're going to go this way. We all can think that the wife's out of bounds reaction is because she's the one that is cheating and she might be projecting. Why not? Why it couldn't be that way.
> 
> Here we mostly have a bunch of females ganging up on the OP and placing all the fault on him without really knowing what's going on. We don't have the wife's imput to have a clear picture of if this is OP constant behavior and for the wife final straw.
> 
> Whatever it is the OP has not given a complete picture for us to assess what really is going on, because for a wife to declare divorce on a stupid post is way out of line.
> 
> Moreover, here mostly females are ganging up on the OP to act like a pathetic supplicant, to get the wife's to take him back. Bad advice. OP needs to take his balls and be a damned man: if the wife wants out, he shouldn't behave like a lost little boy spinning around trying to find a way to make her understand that he doesn't want a divorce. If she is ready to divorce him OP should at least have the dignity to take it and say fine. We're done, rather than acting like a wimp.
> 
> IT WAS A ****ING JOKE. If nothing else is going on and the wife can't see that, them she must be a bitter pain in the ass to live with, and the OP would be better served getting out of this relationship.
> 
> To the OP. You are starting to sound like a desperate weak man that can't take the bull by the horns and deal with the situation as presented. In this forum only you must know what really is ticking your wife to go extreme on joke post. It would be interesting to find out for sure what really is going on. Is she mental? Or have you been giving her plenty of grief to go around for her to explode this way? Whatever, just keep your self respect and dignity if what she really want is to divorce you.


We're trying to get a complete picture of what's going on and not getting anywhere.

It would be highly unusual that a wife and mother ends a marriage over a comment. So either she wanted a reason and he provided one or he's not providing relevant details.

What we do know is that he's working too many hours to be spending much time with his wife so that is a small clue. And his comment that said coworker is younger and thinner but he doesn't find her attractive is disingenuous, which hurts his credibility.

I'm not even married but I'm pretty sure my bf would not be happy if I made a public FB comment about getting off on a picture of a coworker that I spend a lot more time with.

OP, how much time do you spend with your wife? Can you think of any reason that she would've already been upset before this incident? It's quite unusual for a woman to walk over a FB comment, no matter how creepy it was.


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## Rob_1

lifeistooshort said:


> We're trying to get a complete picture of what's going on and not getting anywhere.
> 
> It would be highly unusual that a wife and mother ends a marriage over a comment. So either she wanted a reason and he provided one or he's not providing relevant details.
> 
> What we do know is that he's working too many hours to be spending much time with his wife so that is a small clue. And his comment that said coworker is younger and thinner but he doesn't find her attractive is disingenuous, which hurts his credibility.
> 
> I'm not even married but I'm pretty sure my bf would not be happy if I made a public FB comment about getting off on a picture of a coworker that I spend a lot more time with.
> 
> OP, how much time do you spend with your wife? Can you think of any reason that she would've already been upset before this incident? It's quite unusual for a woman to walk over a FB comment, no matter how creepy it was.


You are quite right. In a previous post I asked the OP to tell what really is going on, because what he's saying doesn't make sense at all, unless the wife is looney, which I doubt that that's the case.


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## lifeistooshort

Rob_1 said:


> You are quite right. In a previous post I asked the OP to tell what really is going on, because what he's saying doesn't make sense at all, unless the wife is looney, which I doubt that that's the case.


The normal distribution suggests that most people behave within the realm of some kind reason. There are looney outliers but not many.

That's how a nerd like me thinks 😀

Hopefully he'll respond.


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## jlg07

Johnjohn711 said:


> 4,3,1 honestly
> I don’t know in my head I just think she’s angry and upset but then she hit me with a bomb saying we are no longer together we will sleep in separate rooms until I can find something on my own.
> Reading that broke my sprit! But also put a fire under my butt to show me time to step my game up!


THAT is just COMPLETELY overkill for what you posted. I DO understand her being pissed off, but saying this? Something else is going on.

Yelling, I get. Talking it out, I get. THIS response? Its BS.


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## Beach123

Johnjohn711 said:


> Definitely acts of service she loves it when I come home and take charge but recently I’ve been getting home late the prison I’m at is Super short staffed so we get mandatory stay over for 4 hours most days I get home at 8-9:00 pm so yeah I’m tired and dealing with inmates 12-16 hours a day gets to me


Does your wife work full time? If not - tell her she needs to if you’re not “together” so you can spend more time with your kids!

16 hour work days doesn’t leave enough time for you to connect with anyone outside of work. Make sure your wife hasn’t found someone else to pay attention to her since you aren’t home much. Check her phone bill and see if she spends time contacting someone consistently.

Don’t ever flirt (even joking) with another person - especially social media. You disrespected your wife and marriage.


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## DownByTheRiver

Johnjohn711 said:


> Okay people! I’m seriously an idiot!!!
> So the other day one of my coworkers (female)
> Posted a picture of her Halloween costume she is a nun and everyone at work plays and jokes around and plays dumb on peoples Facebook comments so I commented on her post. this is when I know messed up “I just leaked holy water in my pants” I know stupid and ****ing stupid at the time I thought it was funny like I said we ALL play around like this at work we’re correctional officers we’re with our coworkers 12-16 hours EVERYDAY so we all developed a stupid since of humor but we all stay stupid stuff like that even worse things! Not an excuse I know but I said what I said 😭
> Now my wife is like DONE!!!! Wants to throw my stuff out and leave my stupid ass. I NEVER in a million years would cheat on her with anybody shoot especially my coworkers but in her eyes she sees me doing it but I would never I got to much to loose Her my daughter my house. I tried to apologize but she’s not trying to here it blows me off today was the first day she ignored me.
> So HELP! What should I do


That's hilarious. Surely your wife knows you by now to know if that was anything serious and I don't see how anyone could think that was anything serious. I think she's just trying to get you to pay penance. All you really should have to do is tell her what you said here about you and never cheat on her and you have too much to lose. But you do need to just think about if there's been a series of comments or events that might give her some reason to have more serious reaction to this.


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## ccpowerslave

Johnjohn711 said:


> That’s seriously the dumbest answer Ever


It fits the question. You post a joke post on a coworker’s Facebook and just that makes your wife pack it in?


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## Evinrude58

Nobody goes this wack over one stupid fb comment. There are any number of things she could come up with to tell you to do to ensure you don’t do this again. 
She was looking for an excuse. 
You give zero context about your past relationship with your wife to explain why this one comment is the straw that broke the camel’s back.


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## Diana7

Op most of us here agree that her reaction was way over the top and that for her it may be the final nail in the coffin. 
Yes it was a stupid comment and very disrespectful, but to end a marriage over it is madness, unless it is the final straw for her. 

How was the marriage before? What issues did you have? 

Btw I wouldn't move out personally.


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## In Absentia

lifeistooshort said:


> It would be highly unusual that a wife and mother ends a marriage over a comment. So either she wanted a reason and he provided one or he's not providing relevant details.


This ^^^^ it just doesn't make sense...


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## Blondilocks

Johnjohn711 said:


> I’m currently cleaning house.. doing laundry.. *fixing the things she told me to fix months ago.*


This is an indicator of what has been going on. He works stupid long hours - which is a legitimate reason to let chores slide for a while. But, what his wife sees is a bunch of juveniles horsing around while at work. Doesn't look like work to her and she's tired of the excuses. She could be questioning if he really has to be at the prison for all of those hours.

So, OP, have you been coasting at home?


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## D0nnivain

Johnjohn711 said:


> I’m currently cleaning house.. doing laundry.. fixing the things she told me to fix months ago.
> We kinda had a conversation.
> Her: We aren’t together anymore. We will be sleeping in separate bedrooms until you are able to get yourself an apartment or whatever.
> I have no idea on how to approach this or even anything I’m completely brain dead PLEASE HELP!!!


Did you try any of the things I initially suggested -- apology flowers etc? 

Your love language may be acts of service but that may not be your wife's love language. When things are wrong, you have to speak the other person's language. 

As many people have pointed out, there has to be more to this then this single crass comment. Your comment about about fixing things your wife told you to fix months ago is part of this. Your wife has felt ignored for months & now she sees you "joking around" with a sexy woman from work. It wasn't a joke to her. It was blatant flirting. You may be short staffed at work but you wife thinks the long hours are an excuse for you to spend more time with the sexy nun co-worker. If we asked your wife why she said you are done, she will give you a long list of reasons. Bottom line you have not been paying attention. 

So you asked what to do. My suggestion: Do some research & find a couples' therapist near you although now they are virtual so proximity is not as important. Go get those flowers. Hand them to you wife & tell her how deeply shocked you are by her comment that you two are done. Explain that is not what you want. Acknowledge that there is a lot you have apparently missed & that the comment to the nun was inappropriate & disrespectful. Tell her you don't want to separate. Assure her that you love her. Disconnect from the nun on social media. Then ask your wife what she needs from you to feel loved, cherished & secure. When she answers you start giving her what she wants / needs & suggest MC so that you can get your marriage back on tract. At this point your wife needs to see that you are committed to her & to being a better husband.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Johnjohn711 said:


> Okay people! I’m seriously an idiot!!!
> So the other day one of my coworkers (female)
> Posted a picture of her Halloween costume she is a nun and everyone at work plays and jokes around and plays dumb on peoples Facebook comments so I commented on her post. this is when I know messed up “I just leaked holy water in my pants” I know stupid and ****ing stupid at the time I thought it was funny like I said we ALL play around like this at work we’re correctional officers we’re with our coworkers 12-16 hours EVERYDAY so we all developed a stupid since of humor but we all stay stupid stuff like that even worse things! Not an excuse I know but I said what I said 😭
> Now my wife is like DONE!!!! Wants to throw my stuff out and leave my stupid ass. I NEVER in a million years would cheat on her with anybody shoot especially my coworkers but in her eyes she sees me doing it but I would never I got to much to loose Her my daughter my house. I tried to apologize but she’s not trying to here it blows me off today was the first day she ignored me.
> So HELP! What should I do


If this is the only dumb ass thing you've done, your W is latching on to it as a reason for problems but in reality she's got her own reasons to use it as an excuse to cause such a row. Like she's getting ready to justify something she's done or going to do.

I smell a rat.


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## In Absentia

How old are you two and do you have children? Does your wife work?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Johnjohn711 said:


> Please help! You seem to have your head on straight!
> I’m currently cleaning house.. doing laundry.. fixing the things she told me to fix months ago.
> We kinda had a conversation.
> Her: We aren’t together anymore. We will be sleeping in separate bedrooms until you are able to get yourself an apartment or whatever.
> I have no idea on how to approach this or even anything I’m completely brain dead PLEASE HELP!!!


Then cut off all her access to your income and help. Stop the ridiculous chore focus. Do your own thing that doesn't focus on doing things fir her, like an insipid weeny.


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## SunCMars

Americans have _seriously_ lost their sense of _humor._

Last time I looked, this work behavior was labeled camaraderie.

I have worked in mostly all-male industrial settings, my whole career.

Plus, 'mostly' in combat arms units in the Reserve Forces.

This is typical (blue and camouflage) collar behavior.

Yes, some behavior at work can become juvenile, crass and inappropriate, this singular instance did not seem the case.
I overlooked this behavior because the work got done, and the workers 'mostly' got along.

Such droll people 'some' have become.

TAM folks have nibbled that acrid, bitter root for too long.


_Are Dee-_


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## D0nnivain

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Then cut off all her access to your income and help. Stop the ridiculous chore focus. Do your own thing that doesn't focus on doing things fir her, like an insipid weeny.


While being an insipid weeny will not fix a marriage, cutting his wife off as a 1st step is not the answer. 

Unless I missed something (which is possible), although the OP said he was sorry, that is all he's done. Mumbling 2 words is not a proportional act of contrition for the offense committed -- ignoring then disrespecting his wife. His chores may be his way of showing that he is genuinely remorseful but that is _his _love language, acts of service. It may not be hers in which case she isn't receiving him doing the laundry as him being genuinely remorseful. She may not understand that he is trying to apologize. He needs to find _her_ love language & then apologize to her in a way she understands. 

Once he does that, if she's still intent on separation then fine but I'm not sure this guy did the preliminaries correctly yet so that his wife understood how much he does care. Communicating clearly so your spouse understands your meaning is not being weak, clingy, beta or any other negative. It's just being clear.


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## SunCMars

Johnjohn711 said:


> (Wife) Her: "We aren’t together anymore. We will be sleeping in separate bedrooms until you are able to get yourself an apartment or whatever".


This is a diversion, a smoke screen, on her part.

She is using this work comment of yours' to begin the separation/divorce process.

She has, (some time ago) lost love and respect for you. 

Don't dwell on that work remark. 
That is NOT the root-cause of her present behavior.

Now, may be the time to check out *her *activities.

*I am not* saying she is having an affair, but, who knows, do some detective work.
*Weirder things have happened in relationships.

Oh...

Ah, someone may be speaking into her ear, a toxic GF, or a (not your friend) family member, maybe a hidden BF.


*On this blog, TAM, this is common behavior from a pulling-away spouse.


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## D0nnivain

SunCMars said:


> Americans have _seriously_ lost their sense of _humor._
> 
> Last time I looked, this work behavior was labeled camaraderie.


And that is why sexual discrimination / toxic work environment is judged based on what a reasonable WOMAN would find offensive. 

This whole incident is why I don't have work colleagues on my social media. Sure if I'm dressing up as a sexy nun for Halloween I'm doing it for male attention. While I may want my husband or friends at a party to get all hot & bothered / filtrations, doesn't mean I want my co-workers to think of me in anything other than a gender neutral fashion. So posting the sexy nun thing on line where I'm friends with my co-workers & drawing attention to my gender is problematic in & of itself. 

But seriously, the OP's "holy water" in his pants comment as a metaphor for cum / semen is inappropriate in the work place. Even if the nun was OK with the comment, another colleague reading it could be offended & then this OP will be in danger of losing his job as well as his marriage.


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## SunCMars

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If this is the only dumb ass thing you've done, your W is latching on to it as a reason for problems but in reality she's got her own reasons to use it as an excuse to cause such a row. Like she's getting ready to justify something she's done or going to do.
> 
> I smell a rat.


Same rat I smell.

Might be one hiding under her bed.

Or, that toxic rat that I mentioned, she/he talking crap into her ear.


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## BigDaddyNY

SunCMars said:


> Americans have _seriously_ lost their sense of _humor._
> 
> Last time I looked, this work behavior was labeled camaraderie.
> 
> I have worked in mostly all-male industrial settings, my whole career.
> 
> Plus, 'mostly' in combat arms units in the Reserve Forces.
> 
> This is typical (blue and camouflage) collar behavior.
> 
> Yes, some behavior at work can become juvenile, crass and inappropriate, this singular instance did not seem the case.
> I overlooked this behavior because the work got done, and the workers 'mostly' got along.
> 
> Such droll people 'some' have become.
> 
> TAM folks have nibbled that acrid, bitter root for too long.
> 
> 
> _Are Dee-_


I agree. I was in the military and we did this stuff all the time. It was just what we did. We called each other some of the most horrendous things, but always did it with a smile. It just brought levity to an often crappy situation. There were only a couple woman in the shop I worked in, but they were just like one of the "guys" when it came to all the ribbing of each other. Big difference today is social media. All that stuff we did never went beyond the group you were with and in the moment it happened. Now there is a permanent record once posted on SM.


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## SunCMars

D0nnivain said:


> And that is why sexual discrimination / toxic work environment is judged based on what a reasonable WOMAN would find offensive.
> 
> This whole incident is why I don't have work colleagues on my social media. Sure if I'm dressing up as a sexy nun for Halloween I'm doing it for male attention. While I may want my husband or friends at a party to get all hot & bothered / filtrations, doesn't mean I want my co-workers to think of me in anything other than a gender neutral fashion. So posting the sexy nun thing on line where I'm friends with my co-workers & drawing attention to my gender is problematic in & of itself.
> 
> But seriously, the OP's "holy water" in his pants comment as a metaphor for cum / semen is inappropriate in the work place. Even if the nun was OK with the comment, another colleague reading it could be offended & then this OP will be in danger of losing his job as well as his marriage.


With all due respect, your mind goes readily, where others do not.
So does mine, but I try to temper it with reality.

This is mild _projection _on your part, um, the stuff of old school, black and white 8mm _projectors. _

Pee is water, not semen.

Commonplace speech idioms matter, as does the viscosity of liquids.

I am sure you have noticed the difference between these two wet spots...

It seems that you endeavor to think the worst, as **does his wife.


_Are Dee-

** the wife is using this last incident of his as an excuse to divorce our OP._


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## SunCMars

D0nnivain said:


> And that is why sexual discrimination / toxic work environment is judged based on what a reasonable WOMAN would find offensive.


Maybe...

And, why is it that only woman can find work environments toxic?

We don't know that the co-worker woman was offended.
You assume.

I highly doubt the lady co-worker was offended.
She knows these men, she knows her value.

She makes that effort to fit in, as do the men when in these situations.

..............................................................................

The inmates can be very randy, foul, and insulting.

Those full-body searches are not as private as one would think.

Male prisoners do, on occasion, pull their pants down, and expose themselves in front of female guards.

Prison guards cannot be pansies. It is a tough job.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

D0nnivain said:


> While being an insipid weeny will not fix a marriage, cutting his wife off as a 1st step is not the answer.
> 
> Unless I missed something (which is possible), although the OP said he was sorry, that is all he's done. Mumbling 2 words is not a proportional act of contrition for the offense committed -- ignoring then disrespecting his wife. His chores may be his way of showing that he is genuinely remorseful but that is _his _love language, acts of service. It may not be hers in which case she isn't receiving him doing the laundry as him being genuinely remorseful. She may not understand that he is trying to apologize. He needs to find _her_ love language & then apologize to her in a way she understands.
> 
> Once he does that, if she's still intent on separation then fine but I'm not sure this guy did the preliminaries correctly yet so that his wife understood how much he does care. Communicating clearly so your spouse understands your meaning is not being weak, clingy, beta or any other negative. It's just being clear.


You and OP would get along I guess. Most of your response is horribly wrong in this circumstance with information provided and is a recipe for disaster.


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## D0nnivain

I didn't say that other women were offended. I articulated the legal standard. 

Losing his wife is one thing. I am concerned that if he has what you would label a snowflake in his office that person could cause trouble for him. He could lose his job over something like this. 

It's a brave new world where women don't have to be "one of the guys.' Women may put up with Neanderthal garbage at work but only because it's the path of least resistance. They don't enjoy the comments.


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## Rob_1

D0nnivain said:


> It's a brave new world where women don't have to be "one of the guys.' Women may put up with Neanderthal garbage at work but only because it's the path of least resistance. They don't enjoy the comments.


And I could present you with countless of women that are worse than the "guys" with their garbage comments.
I've been in the position were I and another guy were the only males in a sea of females. It's wasn't ****ing easy to deal with all that bunch of mean hormonal backstabbing bunch, and let's not forget all their inter-catfighting. But when is convenient to them they are sweet tender flowers, that has been done wrong by a male stupid comment while not remembering their own salty and outright lewd remarks. In the work force I have found out through my many decades of work that women are a lot more hypocritical and difficult to work with than working with men, that's a fact.


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## Blondilocks

The OP has stated that he thinks some of the factors at play here are: resentment, lack of appreciation and making her feel less than.

The comment was the straw that did him in. He thought she was just angry and he was going to shine her on 'til she brought up the separation. Now, he is worried and trying to get on her good side.


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## Anastasia6

So let's play what if.....

What if he's cheated in the past?
What if she has a full time job and he doesn't help around the house but leaves it all to her so he can work with nun?

Are all the she over reacted and OMG she needs to calm down still on board with that position?
I mean if you've cheated before is this post to a younger thinner woman you work with for 16 hour days going to make your relationship a safe space?
I won't even go into the fact that on facebook your friends and family can see it.....


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## pastasauce79

I don't know if I would end my marriage over a Facebook post, but the comment would definitely change the way I see my husband.

Personally, I would feel deeply humiliated. Knowing a bunch of people, that know him, read the comment, it would be mortifying. If I were his wife, I would question my sex appeal and my self worth. 

It's not a big deal for men, but I think it's disastrous for women. Women already have a bunch of self image issues to fight against, and then to have a husband making us feel embarrassed and worthless is terrible. 

Imagine your wife commenting on one of her shirtless male friend's post "you made my panties so wet" what would you think about it? Is it hilarious to you? 

I think your comment was very disrespectful. I can't blame her for feeling hurt. I wonder if your marriage was in a good place before the Facebook comment. Don't do that again!


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## Anastasia6

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't know if I would end my marriage over a Facebook post, but the comment would definitely change the way I see my husband.
> 
> Personally, I would feel deeply humiliated. Knowing a bunch of people, that know him, read the comment, it would be mortifying. If I were his wife, I would question my sex appeal and my self worth.
> 
> It's not a big deal for men, but I think it's disastrous for women. Women already have a bunch of self image issues to fight against, and then to have a husband making us feel embarrassed and worthless is terrible.
> 
> Imagine your wife commenting on one of her shirtless male friend's post "you made my panties so wet" what would you think about it? Is it hilarious to you?
> 
> I think your comment was very disrespectful. I can't blame her for feeling hurt. I wonder if your marriage was in a good place before the Facebook comment. Don't do that again!


and what if there was infidelity in the past on OP part? Is it still an innocent mistake?


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## Diana7

Anastasia6 said:


> and what if there was infidelity in the past on OP part? Is it still an innocent mistake?


Well he did say that he hadn't done anything like that before but unless he comes back we won't know.


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## Johnjohn711

Diana7 said:


> Well he did say that he hadn't done anything like that before but unless he comes back we won't know.


There was long time ago and I’ve told her I could never do that again I felt like a total **** bag and like my wife said and this messed me up hit me deep “I hope our daughter never gets with a man that treats her the way you treat me” holy crap my stomach literally dropped to the ground


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## Anastasia6

Diana7 said:


> Well he did say that he hadn't done anything like that before but unless he comes back we won't know.


He said he'd never commented on FB like that before. That's different.


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## DownByTheRiver

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Then cut off all her access to your income and help. Stop the ridiculous chore focus. Do your own thing that doesn't focus on doing things fir her, like an insipid weeny.


Ragnar! "insipid weeny" is more like the franks I had to throw out this week after the power was out for 8 hours. And he can't cut her off financially until a divorce is final. 

I don't think his offense was that serious, but I do think him mentioning chores he was supposed to do a month ago may well be the shaky ground upon which he walks.


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## DownByTheRiver

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You and OP would get along I guess. Most of your response is horribly wrong in this circumstance with information provided and is a recipe for disaster.


Her response isn't wrong. A smart person will avoid this sort of calamity in the workplace because it's in the handbook and against the law and because even if the recipient (like me) found it amusing, an onlooker may have been either 1) gravely offended or 2) looking for some quick settlement money. Yes, it can certainly be either.


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## pastasauce79

Johnjohn711 said:


> There was long time ago and I’ve told her I could never do that again I felt like a total **** bag and like my wife said and this messed me up hit me deep “I hope our daughter never gets with a man that treats her the way you treat me” holy crap my stomach literally dropped to the ground


If you cheated before, that's where the insecurity comes from. How is she supposed to know you have not cheated again when you post a very sexual comment on a co-worker fb picture? 

You need to learn some boundaries.


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## lifeistooshort

So 1st you said there was nothing else...now there was a long time ago. 

You omitted critical details. 

Your wife doesn't trust you and from the looks of it she has reason not to.

How many times have you cheated or behaved inappropriately?


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## Luckylucky

Johnjohn711 said:


> We play like this at work not professional I know


What can I say, social media - you post something like that, it’s there forever. And everyone can see it, your kids, your friends… your mother. Ouch. 😩


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## Al_Bundy

pastasauce79 said:


> If you cheated before, that's where the insecurity comes from. How is she supposed to know you have not cheated again when you post a very sexual comment on a co-worker fb picture?
> 
> You need to learn some boundaries.


Especially when that coworker is younger/hotter/thinner.


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## Anastasia6

Al_Bundy said:


> Especially when that coworker is younger/hotter/thinner.


You see to waywards that is all in the past and to betrayed's it never goes away. I don't think they understand that.


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## Al_Bundy

Anastasia6 said:


> You see to waywards that is all in the past and to betrayed's it never goes away. I don't think they understand that.


True, he shouldn't even be "friends" with her on social. Probably did it for the eye candy even though he claims she's not attractive.


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## Blondilocks

I wonder if he works for one of those private prisons versus a government prison.


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## BigDaddyNY

Johnjohn711 said:


> There was long time ago and I’ve told her I could never do that again I felt like a total **** bag and like my wife said and this messed me up hit me deep “I hope our daughter never gets with a man that treats her the way you treat me” holy crap my stomach literally dropped to the ground


This changes everything in my mind. You really screwed this one up. Your wife gave you the gift of not dumping you when you cheated. From that point forward you should have made a commitment to never put yourself into an even slightly compromising position ever again. Then you go and publicly say a female coworker just made you cum in your pants. Wow! At this point if you want to save the marriage I think your only hope is to throw yourself on the mercy of your wife. Tell her the future of the marriage is in her hands and you will go along with her desires. Honestly you've been living on borrowed time since the time your cheated.

And she has a very valid point. Would you want your daughter to be with a man that will do to her what you've done to your wife?


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## Rob_1

Johnjohn711 said:


> There was long time ago and I’ve told her I could never do that again I felt like a total **** bag


Listen dude, there you go again with your cryptic statements and half sayings. What actually do you mean with the above statement, or are you just pulling our legs? 

Speak clearly, and to the point. You've been making half hearted incomplete statements. I think that you're just playing the desperate dude without actually saying nothing. If this is the way you're going to play, then I think no one have anything else to say to you.


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## Evinrude58

Happened a long time ago…… spoken like a man with no idea of the pain he caused and that the wound inflicted never fully heals. 
The pain associated with that wound when it is agitated is excruciating.

Now for the “I told her I could never do that again, I felt like ……..”
Omg, dude. Are you serious? Exactly what do you think your word is now worth to her????????????????
I’ll help you—— nothing.

So now that you’re broadcasting to the works that your young, slender “unattractive” coworker is causing you to leak in your britches……. Yeah, buddy, your wife has some righteous anger directed at you.

Sadly, the hotter thAt anger burns, the more likely you have a chance to fix this if you actually wanted to. If she was indifferent and emotionless— your cookie is cooked.

I think you’re being very disingenuous when you say you’re not attracted to this person, because your “joke” most likely had more than a ring of truth to it and even though you can’t admit it, you were throwing out a 1/2 oz. gold, double bladed, Colorado leaf spinner bait of a comment to her for all to see.
Yeah, you messed up. 

How to fix it? You’ll likely figure it out. It’s not like you haven’t done it before.
Tell the whole truth.


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## D0nnivain

Rob_1 said:


> And I could present you with countless of women that are worse than the "guys" with their garbage comments.
> I've been in the position were I and another guy were the only males in a sea of females.


If the shoe was on the other foot you had every right to speak up & claim hostile work environment too. It's not only women. It's whoever is in the minority. 




Johnjohn711 said:


> There was long time ago and I’ve told her I could never do that again I felt like a total **** bag and like my wife said and this messed me up hit me deep “I hope our daughter never gets with a man that treats her the way you treat me” holy crap my stomach literally dropped to the ground


There you go. When you cheated, your wife gave you a 2nd chance. You blew that second chance by publicly making a sexually suggestive comment to another woman. 

In isolation, we all thought one ill-advised comment was not worth divorcing over but that comment on the heals of prior infidelity, yep your wife is done. She feels publicly humiliated. If she has any self-respect whatsoever no amount of flowers, groveling or laundry will overcome this. Your actions say you don't care about her or your marriage. Fool her once, shame on you; fool her twice, shame on her. In her shoes I would not even be letting you stay in the guest room. I'd be calling the lawyers & changing the locks. 

Look at it this way you are going to have all sorts of free time to work as much OT as you want; to joke around with anybody you like & you will no longer have that long list of overdue chores.


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## Blondilocks

To some people, 'a long time ago' is last month.


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## Mr. Nail

Or more importantly, one person's long time ago, can feel like last month to the other person. 
It doesn't matter how long ago it was. it was a significant emotional injury that she obviously hasn't recovered from.
And here we are.


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## Rob_1

D0nnivain said:


> There you go. When you cheated


Well, like I said after he made the "there was a long time ago" comments. He's not saying what happened a long time ago. We all can immediately conclude that it was cheating, but this dude has not made one single complete explanation as to what has happened that made his wife go bunker on a stupid workmate comment. So, we still don't have a picture of the background to his wife reaction. We keep asking him to explain but he won't budge.


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## enoonami

Johnjohn711 said:


> Okay people! I’m seriously an idiot!!!
> So the other day one of my coworkers (female)
> Posted a picture of her Halloween costume she is a nun and everyone at work plays and jokes around and plays dumb on peoples Facebook comments so I commented on her post. this is when I know messed up “I just leaked holy water in my pants” I know stupid and ****ing stupid at the time I thought it was funny like I said we ALL play around like this at work we’re correctional officers we’re with our coworkers 12-16 hours EVERYDAY so we all developed a stupid since of humor but we all stay stupid stuff like that even worse things! Not an excuse I know but I said what I said 😭
> Now my wife is like DONE!!!! Wants to throw my stuff out and leave my stupid ass. I NEVER in a million years would cheat on her with anybody shoot especially my coworkers but in her eyes she sees me doing it but I would never I got to much to loose Her my daughter my house. I tried to apologize but she’s not trying to here it blows me off today was the first day she ignored me.
> So HELP! What should I do


Brother, I am in a really ****ed up situation so I don't know if I'm the best person to give advice (see my post if you'd like). However, if your wife is "done" with just a comment like that... wow... She has some MAJOR insecurity issues. You're not dumb. You're witty. That comment was funny as hell! Probably got a bunch of likes! 

Maybe there is more under the surface and your wife is just using this as an excuse or the straw that broke the camels back? But... I can give you some solid advice: Only date bi girls! lol. All my life I've stuck to that rule and I haven't had too many jealousy issues. I am dealing with a bit of jealousy right now myself, but it has to do with emotional connections. That's where most of the girls draw the line. But checking out hot chicks together is a past time I've enjoyed with all of my serious relationships (and current relationship which is really messed up right now). 

You and your wife should be talking about your co-worker in bed! lol. good luck with everything!


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## Anastasia6

enoonami said:


> Brother, I am in a really ****ed up situation so I don't know if I'm the best person to give advice (see my post if you'd like). However, if your wife is "done" with just a comment like that... wow... She has some MAJOR insecurity issues. You're not dumb. You're witty. That comment was funny as hell! Probably got a bunch of likes!
> 
> Maybe there is more under the surface and your wife is just using this as an excuse or the straw that broke the camels back? But... I can give you some solid advice: Only date bi girls! lol. All my life I've stuck to that rule and I haven't had too many jealousy issues. I am dealing with a bit of jealousy right now myself, but it has to do with emotional connections. That's where most of the girls draw the line. But checking out hot chicks together is a past time I've enjoyed with all of my serious relationships (and current relationship which is really messed up right now).
> 
> You and your wife should be talking about your co-worker in bed! lol. good luck with everything!


Yea if you read the thread there is more than one comment. There is infidelity on his part and his ignoring the house and wife and kid to work with said co-worker who is also younger and hotter.

And yes it seems to be the straw that broke the camels back but it isn't cause the wife is some kind of major whatever. She's normal reacting to past infidelity which leads to current insecurity heaped on with just a little resentment.


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## Anastasia6

@Johnjohn711 so how did it turn out. Have you managed to convince her of your faithfulness/love or is she still done?


----------

