# How did you ask for a divorce



## Too_Bad (Aug 23, 2014)

There are times when the conversation in my head feels like it works. Then I think about it and it sounds like I'm attacking her and blaming her. Then I change things up and it sounds like I'm being too soft. Then it changes again and it sounds like I'm not giving her the opportunity to make the changes necessary and like I'm the a--hole.

She usually doesn't work weekends. This weekend she did, she says in part to make extra cash for the hospital visits she intends on having. She left about 5am and it's now 9.30pm. I work weekends and I've finished my day, come home, had dinner, taken a bath, prepared for my day tomorrow.

So, if I call or email asking her about where she is, I look needy. If I don't, then I feel like I'm an idiot for believing she's at work (It's possible, stupid hours and free overtime are a problem in this country) However, I've never heard of this long a day and I do want to say something WHEN she gets home. 

That was actually me thinking about 2 questions: How you asked for a divorce? And how do you ask why someone is especially late from work, and at a time when you would expect more focus on home?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

take the long way home


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

How do you ask for a divorce? You don't. It's not a question. "Honey, do I want to divorce you?" No, it's a statement. "I'm divorcing you." A simple declaration of intent. You don't need her permission, you really don't even need her cooperation although that makes the whole process quicker, easier, and above all, cheaper.

As far as where she's been all this time, do you want a divorce or not? If you do, don't worry about it. Take her out of the significant other box in your mind and put her in the insignificant other box. When she's your ex wife, what she does won't matter. When you've made the decision to make her the ex wife, start behaving that way.

If you still want to recover this marriage, take your unhappy ass down to where she works and see if her car is in the parking lot. It won't tell you everything but it's at least one clue that she might be there, and if the car isn't there but she claims thats where she was then you've got an answer.


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## Too_Bad (Aug 23, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> How do you ask for a divorce? You don't. It's not a question. "Honey, do I want to divorce you?" No, it's a statement. "I'm divorcing you." A simple declaration of intent. You don't need her permission, you really don't even need her cooperation although that makes the whole process quicker, easier, and above all, cheaper.
> 
> As far as where she's been all this time, do you want a divorce or not? If you do, don't worry about it. Take her out of the significant other box in your mind and put her in the insignificant other box. When she's your ex wife, what she does won't matter. When you've made the decision to make her the ex wife, start behaving that way.
> 
> If you still want to recover this marriage, take your unhappy ass down to where she works and see if her car is in the parking lot. It won't tell you everything but it's at least one clue that she might be there, and if the car isn't there but she claims thats where she was then you've got an answer.


We both commute to work by train. No car.

I guess I should rephrase: How did you tell your wife/husband you want/need/are thinking about a divorce?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Too_Bad said:


> We both commute to work by train. No car.
> 
> I guess I should rephrase: How did you tell your wife/husband you want/need/are thinking about a divorce?


My ex found out we were divorcing when she got served.


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## Too_Bad (Aug 23, 2014)

I'll be handing the papers to her in person. I'm a fool for thinking this is the 'right way' to do it? Or am I complicating things?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

You want to divorce her because she is working all day or do you think she is cheating? Do you have any proof? When she gets paid you can tell if she was working or not. It sounds like you need to talk to her about the marriage, not just serve her with divorce papers unless there is something more serious going on that you haven't mentioned.


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