# How to make parenting fun again?



## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

We have 3 kids, ages 10, 7, 3.5. My dh and I are feeling really burned out as parents. #3 is in full toddler tantrum/resistance mode and is driving the whole family crazy. People say, enjoy your children. How? We go to science museums, movies, playgrounds. It's kind of fun but so much energy is spent keeping the kids from hurting themselves or fighting or dealing with their constant needs. I used to have more creativity, do art projects or cooking. Now I just feel worn down and burned out. Dh is stressed out and not very pleasant sometimes. We probably need more help, no family nearby. I want a happier family life, but how?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

do you have friends with kids you can share the burden with? say, the 10 year old or the 7 year old, or both spend an afternoon with friends. do you and your husband get some adult time to yourselves?
Raised three kids each about 3 years apart living away from all relatives but had friends with kids with whom we could share some of the burden. Sometimes their kids came to our place. Sometimes our kids went to their place.
Not clear from your post how discipline and handling disruptive behavior is being handled. Having been there, we tried to always be consistent and sometimes with three you are at your wits' end.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Effective discipline. By 1o and 7 they don't need to be fighting and draining on you.

http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Responsible-Independent-Boundaries/dp/0761512128

http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Li...73&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=disciplinee+for+life

http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids...F8&qid=1437696495&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+talk

It sounds like the anti-fun. But really, it is the fun investment. Positive discipline can help you kids understand what you need, help you understand what they need and help them to understand that you MEAN IT so you don't have to keep fighting the same battles. I was fortunate to start younger than your kids. So by the time they were that age, they were very easy to be around. More like assets. Since yours are older, and thus a bit more entrenched, it will take some more time and consistency. But it is worth it. From chaotic household, pain in the butt kids, to helpful assets.

Good luck!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I once left the grocery store with a death grip on each daughter, leaving behind a full cart of groceries. Then I got smarter about preparing them for what I expected.

10YO, this is how I expect you to behave while we are in the science center. You will stay with us, you will hold your siblings hands when I tell you to, you will NOT yell at or otherwise hit your sibling. You will help corral the baby. If you can do all of this, we will come here again. If you can't, we will have to wait until your older.

7YO, this how I expect you to behave, same as older sibling but the 7 year old gets a warning.

3.5 yo, do we run away from Mom in crowded places? No, what happens if you run away from Mom? I can't protect you to make sure you're safe. You must stay with Mom.

And then you look for opportunities to let them do the kinds of behaviors that come naturally to kids. To climb on stuff, touch stuff, run around, be loud. Call it a 30 second stop drop and crazy.

When kids are fighting they need individual time. 

Cheer up, the summer is nearly over. Have you looked into vacation bible school, the older two can attend that and have fun while your youngest gets Mom time.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is hard work that is for sure. As mine got older I learnt to let them fight it out themselves, it has served them well and now as teens they know how far they can go with each other.

Unless something is really dangerous I let them be and stopped micro managing them. So if they want to climb tress and just do normal kid stuff, let them. We never had guards around the wood burner, oven etc but did lock all bookcases and shelving to the wall so that took away the danger. 

Have a look at how much micro managing you are doing, can some of it be toned back so you are not so worn out?
Also look at what their needs really are, if it is constant food then put a stop to it as you are only creating a rod for your own back.

If it helps life gets fun again when they are teens. Mine are hilarious and fun to be with


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Yeah, it's not exactly discipline problems, my older two are pretty well behaved and responsive to discipline. It's mostly that the youngest is causing chaos and I'm having trouble enforcing one set of rules for him and one set for the older kids (because obviously the older ones don't need time outs etc.). 

The demands are: food for the youngest, play with us constantly (which I'm happy to do for a while but I wish they could play with each other more), constant asking for screen time, every time dh comes home from work the kids are all over him asking him to do things for them. 

I've tried talking about changing expectations, waiting and being patient. The 10 year old is getting more helpful around the house, does his own laundry etc. I think their constant neediness is just wearing me down, and I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable because I want them to be more self sufficient, or if they're being unreasonable in their demands. I think #3 was a bridge too far, and I'm having trouble finding the stamina to get through until he's out of this awful phase. Thanks for listening.


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Also re: fun, it's hard to be out in public and feel constantly judged when your kid starts acting up. And it's hard to cut so many outings short because the youngest is misbehaving. I'd like to just go somewhere as a family and enjoy each other's company, instead of wishing the weekend was over and they could go back to school.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

PenguinCat said:


> Yeah, it's not exactly discipline problems, my older two are pretty well behaved and responsive to discipline. It's mostly that the youngest is causing chaos and I'm having trouble *enforcing one set of rules* for him and one set for the older kids (because obviously the older ones don't need time outs etc.).


It's a discipline problem. (Not a punishment problem.) A SELF discipline problem. And discipline is not about enforcing rules.




> The demands are: food for the youngest, play with us constantly (which I'm happy to do for a while but I wish they could play with each other more), constant asking for screen time, every time dh comes home from work the kids are all over him asking him to do things for them.
> 
> I've tried talking about changing expectations, waiting and being patient. The 10 year old is getting more helpful around the house, does his own laundry etc. I think their constant neediness is just wearing me down, and I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable because I want them to be more self sufficient, or if they're being unreasonable in their demands. I think #3 was a bridge too far, and I'm having trouble finding the stamina to get through until he's out of this awful phase. Thanks for listening.


10 and 7 don't need to be that needy. The expectation has been set. The expectation needs to change. 3.5 will come along if her older models can model it.


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