# If you could go back...



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO? 

If so, what would you do then to try and change things?


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## LVF (May 5, 2013)

> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?


Nop. But I would probably still be dating him right now, though.
Anyway, I wish I dated longer and then I would either have more leverage and ability to change things, or I would leave with less mess behind me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I used to think I would not do it again. But I have to admit that I would have ended up screwing my life up one side and down the other without his calming and stable presence. I barely resemble that girl 28 years ago, not in looks but in personhood, perception, strength and confidence. It's been one long and twisted road!


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Definitely not


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I would do it because of our awesome kids that I love more than anything. 

However, we are just sexually incompatible. Nothing is ever going to change that. She is adamant that sex is not a part of a marriage and there is no reason to have sex if we are not trying for children. She was wild while dating, but shut off with wedding cake.

So, I would do it again so that I could have my children, but I would still be stuck in a sex and intimacy starved marriage as I currently am.

If I could have the same children with a different person, then I would not do it again.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

No way in hell. I'm glad we had kids, but you don't need to be married to have children....plus, I have way more quality time with both my kids since getting divorced. Sure, it's less time together, but the time spent is QUALITY.

I would run for zee hillz!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I absolutely love and adore my husband and i LOVE being married. But if I knew then what I know now I would have waited. I was so immature when we got married and then had to throw myself into manage a household and care for my husband needs that sometimes I think I lag in the emotional maturity level. My H is 4 yr older than me but probably older than that in emotional maturity. I know that I tick him off sometime but still he is so loving to me. He really make me feel loved and cared for. 

I have even ask him does he wish we had wait. He says no he just do not regret marry me at all not even the timing. The journey has been interesting to see me evolve. So I have to go with that.

Plus he so handsome and sexy I would kick myself if I let him get away.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I would. I knew we were somewhat sexually incompatible before we got married but he was wonderful and has always been kind, dependable and someone I could truly count on.

I wish I would have been more assertive sexually when we were younger. I think if I had been we still might not have the quantity of sex I would like ideally - but the quality would have been there.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I would. I think the only things I would change are unrelated to our relationship itself. I would have finished college, gone on for bachelor's degree at least, and become a teacher. And, I wouldn't have insisted on going to get my broken glasses replaced on the night we were in a head on collision. But I absolutely would have married him. I can't imagine my life without him.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Yes - if anything, I would have been less fearful of marriage on this go-round!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I would. I think the only things I would change are unrelated to our relationship itself. *I would have finished college, gone on for bachelor's degree at least, *and become a teacher. And, I wouldn't have insisted on going to get my broken glasses replaced on the night we were in a head on collision. But I absolutely would have married him. I can't imagine my life without him.


Absolutely that in bold.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

YES, YES, YES I would have married her. I would not change a thing...except maybe getting her pregnant at 16. We sure could have avoided a lot of difficulties by waiting! But then again...I always tell her that I could never gotten her to marry a dweeb like me if I hadn't. :rofl:


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Since this is in the sex forum I'm going to say if I knew then what I know now I'd put my husband on T sooner and yes still married him.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Yes, but I would have made her talk about our issues and not turn them around on her making it her fault. I would have demande se more than once a week. I would.have never got a computer. I would not have let her take a job that payed her so well she didnt need me.I would have been more involved with my kids homework. I would have her back when the kids would use her. Etc etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thound said:


> Yes, but I would have made her talk about our issues and not turn them around on her making it her fault. I would have demande se more than once a week. I would.have never got a computer. I would not have let her take a job that payed her so well she didnt need me.I would have been more involved with my kids homework. I would have her back when the kids would use her. Etc etc.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That makes me wanna cry! I hope you share that with her!


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?
> 
> If so, what would you do then to try and change things?


no.
just simply say 'no' when he asked me to marry him.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> That makes me wanna cry! I hope you share that with her!


I doubt she cares at this point. Dont mind me just feeling sorry for myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thound said:


> I doubt she cares at this point. Dont mind me just feeling sorry for myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I always bring cupcakes to pity parties, they go well with wine and tears.

It's okay Thound, we all have those days. Let it all out buddy.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?
> 
> If so, what would you do then to try and change things?



I would of made sure my wifee to be exercised and was very fit with a healthy, fun, and crazy sex drive. Otherwise, if things were the same, nope. Many women out there who are fit and love sex. Why be married to a LD spouse the 2nd time around?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

If I could go back in time there are things more important than my marriage I would stop. Then maybe I would have not been so angry for 10 years and really screwed things up.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If the outcome included my kids and the opportunity to raise them myself, as I did, yes without a doubt.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

If I could go back in time I would not have gotten into the situation which brought me to websites like this. I would keep my kids that were a result of the situation, but the situation set me back in every way possible - except I'm alive, more cautious and much more aware of devious behavior and cheating and I value trust, respect and honor alot more than I ever could have.

I really learned how to take care of myself, I'm not sure I would understand it as well before going through such a detrimental situation.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?
> 
> If so, what would you do then to try and change things?


We dated steady for 18 months before she nudged me into marrying her..

If I had it to do over. I'd have eloped and married her on the night of our first date. 

See, I had met her 3.5 years earlier. I was in love but... there was this other guy hanging around her house... Her husband.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I always bring cupcakes to pity parties, they go well with wine and tears.
> 
> It's okay Thound, we all have those days. Let it all out buddy.


Awesome I love cupcakes! To bad Im on a diet. Today is our 31st anniversary, and I dont think she really cares.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thound said:


> Awesome I love cupcakes! To bad Im on a diet. Today is our 31st anniversary, and I dont think she really cares.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Happy Anniversary Thound!

tell her what you wrote on this thread. it is heartfelt and touching and she deserves to hear it from you!


Oh goodie! An excuse to make cup cakes!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I do not believe I would have. I was young and restless and thought I had seen life (at 23 go figure). I wish I would have waited a few years longer and found someone I had more in common with.

My feelings for her are complex. She just called now to check in and despite what I have said I love her so deeply. It would be difficult to picture her not in my life. The thought of becoming involved in a new relationship makes me want to throw up.


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

RClawson said:


> The thought of becoming involved in a new relationship makes me want to throw up.


:iagree:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Strangely after living in what ended up being a sexless marriage, being so distraught about it that I was physically ill, going through a divorce and all the hardships that entails, my answer would be yes.

I have no regrets and I value greatly all the life lessons I have learnt. 

It goes without saying that I would do it just to have my wonderful, adorable children.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Holland said:


> Strangely after living in what ended up being a sexless marriage, being so distraught about it that I was physically ill, going through a divorce and all the hardships that entails, my answer would be yes.
> 
> I have no regrets and I value greatly all the life lessons I have learnt.
> 
> It goes without saying that I would do it just to have my wonderful, adorable children.


I answered the question... about my current marriage.

My false start would have a totally different answer. 

I had a false start that lasted 5 years. Only 2.5 as man and wife. My fiance changed several weeks before the marriage. She stopped being fun. No love life... Not ugly.. just no fun. She was having a lot of trouble with her mother. She was the first daughter to get married that her mom got to help plan the wedding. Her mom was saying things like, "I'm not having that in MY wedd.... I mean you don't want that in your wedding do you?" I thought, once we get married... get her away from her mother.. things will go back to being like they were.

WRONG!!! The one I was dating was the fake person. I married the one that was no fun.

In hind sight... I should have postponed the wedding. But you know, invitations have been sent.. Tuxs rented, bridesmaid dresses bought... Guest from out of town had their plane tickets etc. etc.

Boy oh boy... If I had had any clue how miserable a divorce was going to be (and I was HAPPY! to be getting divorced. The pain of postponing the wedding was nothing...


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Not married but we have been together for about 9 years now so I will answer anyway. Yes absolutely Yes. But I would of read more about relationship earlier. Not demanded so much. Grown up more and not of been such a kid. Take back all the **** I said to her out of petty feelings. Loved her the way she deserved and been the man she deserves. I would of never supported her in getting that promotion and just made the best out of what we had. I would of made her feel loved and treasured every day. Spoken her love language and made her feel special. **** just take back all the crap and immature crap I had put her through.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Absolutely, without a doubt. I could never have accomplished what I have in life without her at my side.

the woodchuck


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?


10,000 times yes. Besides accepting Christ, it's the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. She's everything. 



Needy_Wife said:


> If so, what would you do then to try and change things?


Nothing in her. I'd have worked harder to get my crap together so we could have married even sooner. There are still so many ways in which I could be a better spouse to this woman. But that's life. Things seem to almost always take longer to come together than you imagine.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I think I would have stayed his girlfriend indefinitely. Marriage just about wrecked our relationship.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Yes. I do love him very much. We have a lot of fun and romance in our marriage. And our kids are such a blessing! I would do it all again just for them.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

No. Should have had all the sex then gone our separate ways - you live and learn!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?
> 
> If so, what would you do then to try and change things?


No

She was a disaster just waiting to happen, and looking back there was no way I could have talked her out of that church/cult and no way would I have eventually decided to continue supporting her. That was the start of EVERYTHING else that followed, from race to religion to sexual problems.

The only good thing that has come out of all this is our daughter, and that's it.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

I would like to say no but in all honesty I would still marry her 

given what I know now I would have capitalized on a few more things like the wanting a baby sex and held off from getting married longer but to not have my son in my life would leave me feeling very empty especially known what it has felt like having him in my life.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Yes. I would. 

I would have stood up to him much more often, I would have communicated my needs and desires more from the beginning and I would have insisted we both stay in reasonable shape. I would also have insisted on much more control over the finances.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I should have married her 5 years earlier, before "other people" were ever seen or heard from. I loved her for years before we got together, but from afar because we were both married and didn't want to base our relationship on a lie (affair).


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

I would have laid everything out on the table first of exactly what I wanted from the marriage and what I wanted our sex life to be like. Then asked if she had a problem with it, and if not, get it in writing. If she did have issues, then no marriage.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

For those that would NOT marry and are still married, why stay?


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?


My x-wife is a cheater. So the natural reaction would be F no I wouldn't have married her.

So the answer depends. If had known then what I know now, I would have dumped her flat.

But I wouldn't go back in time and change anything, because then I'd be erasing my kids from existence. I love them more than anything in the world.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> Absolutely, without a doubt. I could never have accomplished what I have in life without her at my side.
> 
> the woodchuck


I wouldn't be where I am not without my wife.

She is my "Secret weapon"...

What's funny is, what I value in her.. her independence, common sense, intelligence, just her ability to maneuver her way through life, to make decisions, her persuasive abilities (Should have been a lawyer) etc.

Her values that I see as positives.. her first husband saw as direct challenges to his authority. 


Our abilities fit like a right hand and a left hand intertwined. Together.. there isn't anything we can't accomplish.

You know... she thinks very fast... I think slow. She already knows the answer but she respects me enough to patiently wait until I catch up. She's quick but I'm more analytical.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Yes I would, I love him dearly and when we met I felt like I've known him for, like forever. It was easier for me because he was more mature them me and I learned a lot from him., that why I was courageous enough to marry him quite young but I don't regret a thing


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Needy_Wife said:


> If you could go back to before you were married, knowing what you know now. Would you still have married your SO?
> 
> If so, what would you do then to try and change things?


My now ex-wife?

NO. NO. NO. NO. OH HELL NO. What? still considering it? See this baseball bat young Anubis? *SMACK* *SMACK* (Skull Cracks) *SMACK* *SMACK* *SMACK* Don't DO IT!

#1 mistake of my life.

Yes, I know the 'it erases my kids' paradox, but I would like to believe they still would come along, only with a much better mother.

(Yes my ex- did try to disrupt my life and my relationship with my kids the other day... how can you tell?)


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## CreekWalker (May 31, 2013)

No. 18 was too young to settle down. If I had known that I could never be exactly like his mother, I wouldn't have tied myself down with someone I could never have made happy.


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