# Always the one to give in



## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

I feel like any argument my wife and I have, whether I'm right or wrong, I'm always the one to broach a reconciliation. I even brought this up her after a recent disagreement and she said she look's to me to bring us back together.

I feel like it's always a waiting game to see who breaks the silence to try and work things out. I know this is not healthy for us especially when it's seems like I can never out wait her. 

I guess I'm looking for ways to break the cycle of fight-day or 2 of not speaking-then me approaching her about the topic.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If you are having a fight, at some point what you do is state her opinion, state that you understand why she has her opinion, and then state your opinion and then say you are done discussing it. At that point, be a normal, approachable, and happy. She will huff and puff and eventually come back to you.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Stop mid fight. (very hard to do)

Ask her to sit down at the table and have a discussion. 

Let her speak first, keep your mouth completely closed until she says everything she wants to say.

Say what you have to say, and politely ask her to let you finish if she interrupts you.

Then walk away and tell her you want to think about what she said. Go hit your hobby or housework for an hour or two.

Talk to her again after you've had a mind clear. 

Don't let your ego override any valid points she made. Stand up for your valid points. Treat each other with respect.

Open the wine and have some sex.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

Unfortunately many times these arguments are in bed and are not resolved before we go to sleep. Which I hate.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Never fight in bed.

Get up, go sit someplace and get it out into the open.

If one or both of you use the "silent treatment" in the bedroom that's trouble. Rolling over and going to sleep will give you 8-10 hours more silence to overcome the next day.

That 8-10 hours is enough to replace the original disagreement with illogical anger with no basis. 

Better to sit down with her and set some "fight rules". 
First one is no fighting in bed. 
Second one is no silent treatment.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

First one is no fighting in bed.
Second one is no silent treatment. 

I like this idea. Tough to implement sometimes when the argument is about what happens in the bed.

What's even worse is when it's a night before I go to work, it could be longer than 8-10hrs. As of right now I haven't spoken to my wife since Valentines evening and haven't been home yet. I hate this, it makes it tough for me to concentrate at work, also when the issue is brought up it seems like I'm the only one bothered by this.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

My husband and I rarely fight anymore because we have worked out all of our issues, but early in our marriage it was my husband who always reconciled first.

It was my stubborn pride that prevented me from breaking the silence, and I am very grateful to my husband that he understood that I was a foolish ass, and he was willing to be the one to repair the relationship. It is a personality trait, and your wife may take years to overcome it. 

Sometimes we would just start talking again without either one saying they were sorry. Sometimes he would just touch me to let me know that it was time to get over the silly disagreement. We would do things like watch a comedy together or go for a walk to help us get past the hurt feelings.

You can also try talking to your wife about this prideful trait of hers the next time that you reconcile after a fight. If you chip away at her pride a bit at a time, she may try harder the next time a rift occurs.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Shes bothered by it. No doubt.

My wife and I used to do "silent treatment". Then one day we were on the discussion side of the fight and just decided that was an unfair tactic. We mutually agreed to some boundaries when we fight.

Now when we have a pressure vent session, it's more productive because we both know that there won't be vindictive actions later.

The other thing is never,ever fight about sex. It is a battle you will lose every time, without exception. Arguing and whining (no offense) about sex has the exact same effect as a cold fire hose on your wife. You really need to have a private place outside the bedroom to talk about that stuff.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

> The other thing is never,ever fight about sex. It is a battle you will lose every time, without exception. Arguing and whining (no offense) about sex has the exact same effect as a cold fire hose on your wife. You really need to have a private place outside the bedroom to talk about that stuff.


I agree.

Things were going along well. I feed the kids. Then prepared a nice Valentines dinner for she and I in the dining room with flowers and candles. We put the kids to bed then watched a movie. 

So were are in bed and things are progressing when our youngest wakes up, so I get up take her back into her room and tuck her in. Return to bed and try to continue. She then tells me she feels like I am now rushing things. So we stop what we're doing and I ask her what's up? Says that she's getting a vibe that I'm not as into it and just want to get it over with. Now I am also the one initiating most of our contact.

After those comments we stop. Now at this point I am bit frustrated and ask her what I can do. No answer. This is the point where I'm at loss on how to resolve this before leaving for almost 2 days of work. Now it seems whatever I say is the wrong thing and it's getting really late. So I get up and blow out the candles and get back in bed and roll over. Now she's even more upset saying I turned my back on her and why did I blow out the candles when she didn't think we were done for the night. Ugh! As I type this out the whole thing seems even more ridiculous. Basically that's where we left it at 2am almost two days ago.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Think maybe the pressure of kids and an absent husband/father might be causing her to get wired?

Get a babysitter for a day or two. Rock her world. Stop being "daddy" and don't let her be "mommy" for a night.

She sh** tested you. That means she wanted some attention, but you were going to have to work for it.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

Appreciate the reply Mistys Dad, but sooo not the case here. I'm home quite a bit and I'm pretty sure she gets plenty of attention from me. I think even my wife would lol reading that response.

Like I said, everything was great until interrupted by DD. In the past I would get upset over that because to me it seemed like every we were intimate there would be an interruption. Those days are long gone though. And she never seemed phased by an interruption.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Maybe "absent" sent the wrong thought. Too big a word.

I don't mean gone. I mean the two of you were in husband/wife mode.

You got interupted by kids.

You were getting ready to leave for two days, she gets to deal with kids alone for two days. 

What I'm suggesting is she went from your sexy feeling wife one second, too baby's momma the next. 

I'm on a limited information side here. Just throwing out ideas.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

Hey I'm open to all ideas. Just at a loss on what to do. It just seemed like such a great valentines day was ruined by something so stupid.

I was never it into valentines day but this year made it a priority to show her how much she means to me. Surprised her with a nice dinner some roses and a card. Nothing out of this world but big for us. Doesn't help that things have been slow lately on the physical affection side and I was really looking forward to some lovemaking 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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