# keeping score of sexual frequency



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

On another forum I peruse from time to time I came across a thread asking the frequency of sexual intimacy among couples since the beginning of the year. The responses indicated precise number of times for straight intercourse, oral and hand. (interestingly no one mentioned foot jobs, one of the sexual play best kept secrets)

I couldn't tell you how many times my wife and I have done it, not because we do it so frequently we have lost count but just that we simply don't keep a running tab. I could relate what's happened in the last few days or the last week or so but beyond that our attitude is, who cares? If she is happy and I am happy, smooth sailing. If one of us is feeling the need for some then we let the other one know and we take care of it.

Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Maneo said:


> Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


Asking that question on a forum dedicated to marital sexual problems will skew your data, to say the least.

I don't count precisely, but I can usually give a pretty good estimate of the running average over the last few months.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Maneo said:


> On another forum I peruse from time to time I came across a thread asking the frequency of sexual intimacy among couples since the beginning of the year. The responses indicated precise number of times for straight intercourse, oral and hand. (interestingly no one mentioned foot jobs, one of the sexual play best kept secrets)
> 
> I couldn't tell you how many times my wife and I have done it, not because we do it so frequently we have lost count but just that we simply don't keep a running tab. I could relate what's happened in the last few days or the last week or so but beyond that our attitude is, who cares? If she is happy and I am happy, smooth sailing. If one of us is feeling the need for some then we let the other one know and we take care of it.
> 
> Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


I kept a tally one year because I was sure I was putting out more than my h said I was. I was also in IC and was trying to "fake it til you make it" in an attempt to kick start my missing libido. We had a little more sex that year than we'd been having, but less than I'd hoped we have. Like once or twice a week, I think. Then it went back to once or twice a month and I stopped keeping track. 

I recently found out my h had been keeping a sex calender for the past year because he was still unhappy about how much sex we were having. Well, things have turned around dramatically in that department, and now I bug him all the time to keep up with the sex calender because it's fun to see how we went from zero to 60 all of a sudden. He only keep track of BJ's and PIV sex but I've been bugging him to put in other stuff, too just for the fun of it. If we go more than a night without sex I get all sad because I hate looking at the calander and seeing days with no little red asterisk. 

But it's just for fun now. I don't know if my h would keep it up now that we're both happy with our sex life. I think he's very amused that I keep careful and joyous tabs on what used to be a record of his frustration with me.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I started tracking when I was trying to get pregnant and out of habit just kept doing it. Over time it morphed into me using it to plan. As he aged he needed more time in between sessions and since I was higher drive I didn't want to put more pressure on him than was absolutely necessary.

He's on T now and until we stop having daily sex there is no need to track it anymore. LOL


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We don't keep a tally, that would be odd for me but each to their own.

Can say though that coming from a sexless marriage that ended over 3 years ago I am now very aware of just how much sex SO and I have. It would be a guess but the number would be around the 200 times mark since the start of the year, that's based on daily sex plus some. I am continually blow away that I once thought my sex days were over and now I am where I want to be in regards to frequency. It is more of a mental "high 5" than a tally.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

GettingIt ah if only! I do keep track but if my W knew she likely wouldn't go near me for 6 months!


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

We don't keep track either, maybe on a weekly basis only from memory, but I've never even thought of keeping a journal


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Maneo said:


> On another forum I peruse from time to time I came across a thread asking the frequency of sexual intimacy among couples since the beginning of the year. The responses indicated precise number of times for straight intercourse, oral and hand. (interestingly no one mentioned foot jobs, one of the sexual play best kept secrets)
> 
> I couldn't tell you how many times my wife and I have done it, not because we do it so frequently we have lost count but just that we simply don't keep a running tab. I could relate what's happened in the last few days or the last week or so but beyond that our attitude is, who cares? If she is happy and I am happy, smooth sailing. If one of us is feeling the need for some then we let the other one know and we take care of it.
> 
> Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


Obviously people who keep track other than a rough estimate are the exception to the rule. I don't know why you would keep track unless you have a problematic marriage. I contribute to the cumulative thread because for me having sex with my wife is a major victory. Not difficult to keep track of 4 times in the last year. I remember each and every time like it was the first time I ever had sex.

EDIT: I would add that for those that are fortunate enough to have sex a lot and do keep track, it is likely that at one point either their current relationship or previous relationship was lacking in that area.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Holland said:


> We don't keep a tally, that would be odd for me but each to their own.
> 
> Can say though that coming from a sexless marriage that ended over 3 years ago I am now very aware of just how much sex SO and I have. It would be a guess but the number would be around the 200 times mark since the start of the year, that's based on daily sex plus some. I am continually blow away that I once thought my sex days were over and now I am where I want to be in regards to frequency. It is more of a mental "high 5" than a tally.


How much of a difference does that 200 times make with the way you view and interact with the world, compared to when you were in a sexless situation?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

LanieB said:


> I agree with some of the others. Those who aren't having/getting much sex can easily keep count. But those of us who have regular sex don't keep a count. Why would we? I would say the people (having a lot of sex) who keep a count probably have the mentality of a teenage boy!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


those who are having a lot of sex and keeping count no doubt not only have the mentality of a teenage boy but the physical stamina of a teenage boy! 

Oh to be that teenager again! when I and the mrs do have the occasional marathon over a long week end or something we are reminded that our teenage years were then and this is now - though it sure is fun to be reminded of that by going at it like a couple of 18 year olds in heat even if you pay for it when it's over.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

treyvion said:


> How much of a difference does that 200 times make with the way you view and interact with the world, compared to when you were in a sexless situation?


It should make no difference to how one views the world except how they view their partner. If it does make a difference you aren't compartmentalizing well enough.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I only start keeping track when it gets infrequent and I'm feeling paranoid. My husband travels for work during the week so if a weekend goes by without sex it automatically becomes 12 days without sex.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Maneo said:


> Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


 I kept tract for a time... My reasons had nothing to do with -he owes me or I owe him... but to *calm my fears* my husband still wants & desires me & his TEST levels were OK...

When I suddenly jumped into raging Drive....I was shocked he couldn't keep up with me... too stupid to know men slow down as they age... sent him to get his Test checked...Encron told us he had levels at his age (then 45) for a man in his 60's... this comment worried me for months..... I started questioning his Desire... building this up in my mind... thinking " I just got started and he's ready for the bone pile"....

This was ticking him off (a little) -as he swore he still desired me....so I started keeping a "sex calendar"
.... 

Something tangible I could hold in my hands... look at it , ...and say .... "Shut up woman, you are getting alot of sex, here is the proof"... it was an "ongoing recorded reminder" I had much to be thankful and his Test levels were obviously *OK* too...no need for therapy. 

I would write notes in there, a couple times I got him twice in one day (without a slither of Viagra)... this put me on top of the world -feeling like he was YOUNG again.... 

I did this for 2 yrs.. we rode the Biggest wave we ever will sexually...now our drives are nearly the same... No longer do I get antsy...if we skip a day or 2. Probably a blessing.. but that was a lot of FUN too!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

treyvion said:


> How much of a difference does that 200 times make with the way you view and interact with the world, compared to when you were in a sexless situation?


It should make no difference to how one views the world except how they view their partner. If it does make a difference to how you view the world you aren't compartmentalizing well enough.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

john117 said:


> It should make no difference to how one views the world except how they view their partner. If it does make a difference to how you view the world you aren't compartmentalizing well enough.


Sex is like money ... it's only a problem when you don't have any.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Unlike money, sex or the lack thereof is a personal issue. If you don't have money to pay rent all the sex in the world won't help and I doubt a sympathetic landlord will not mind...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

john117 said:


> Unlike money, sex or the lack thereof is a personal issue. If you don't have money to pay rent all the sex in the world won't help and I doubt a sympathetic landlord will not mind...


lol ... I was talking about how one views the world, not whether it's necessary to provide for your essential needs.

Besides, if you are really good at it, I'm sure you can find somebody to pay the rent for you


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

As for keeping count, I have for the past few months. It started as an exercise journal..I noticed that if I worked out say 7 hours a week, I'd be in a better mood than if I'd done only 3. And if I went a week without exercising I'd get really depressed. 
I also noticed that if I had good sex say monday night, that my mood was better on tuesday and vice versa if I didn't. So now I track my exercise and sex to track my moods etc. no one would understand my calendar if they read it. 
A star means sex, a plus sign after the star means it was GOOD. I thought I had sex daily until I started keeping track and found out it was only 4 days a week. My H does not like the idea that I keep track.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Maneo said:


> On another forum I peruse from time to time I came across a thread asking the frequency of sexual intimacy among couples since the beginning of the year. The responses indicated precise number of times for straight intercourse, oral and hand. (interestingly no one mentioned foot jobs, one of the sexual play best kept secrets)
> 
> I couldn't tell you how many times my wife and I have done it, not because we do it so frequently we have lost count but just that we simply don't keep a running tab. I could relate what's happened in the last few days or the last week or so but beyond that our attitude is, who cares? If she is happy and I am happy, smooth sailing. If one of us is feeling the need for some then we let the other one know and we take care of it.
> 
> Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


Well aren't you just the perfect little couple. Come back and talk to me after enduring 10 years of sexlessness and fixing it. At that point you'll want to keep a close eye on it too, lest it slowly slip away again.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

treyvion said:


> How much of a difference does that 200 times make with the way you view and interact with the world, compared to when you were in a sexless situation?


I disagree with the pp that said it shouldn't make a difference.

My experience has been that it makes the world of difference. I am HD, was married to a very LD man. In the end (20 yrs together) it had impacted me so badly that my health was in danger.

Fast forward to now and in a blissfully compatible relationship and I am much happier, healthier and my drive has been restored. Before my life was missing a very important part and that reflected on how I went about things daily, I was blue, lost a lot of ambition and basically went through the motions of parenthood and marriage.

For me having a good sex life is a huge part of life, everything is much more colourful, before it was dull and grey.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Well aren't you just the perfect little couple. Come back and talk to me after enduring 10 years of sexlessness and fixing it. At that point you'll want to keep a close eye on it too, lest it slowly slip away again.


My thoughts exactly. 

Maneo you didn't state how old you or your spouse are, how long you've been married, if you have children and how many. All of these things are big factors in how often you have sexual relations with your spouse.

I am 49 years old and my wife is 48. We have been married for 28 years and sexually active together 2 years before that. We have 5 children, with 2 still living at home.

If you asked me this question 25 years ago, we would have posted a number over the 300 mark for a calendar year. 

Now, our number is 4 or 5 since the new year. 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound bitter, but for those of us going through the period of middle age, changing hormones, and other relationship issues, your original post sounds more like boasting than anything else. 
I just hope you are pulling those same numbers when you near the 30+ years of marriage.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Batman4691 said:


> My thoughts exactly.
> 
> Maneo you didn't state how old you or your spouse are, how long you've been married, if you have children and how many. All of these things are big factors in how often you have sexual relations with your spouse.
> 
> ...


I didn't mention any numbers about myself and my wife. That was the point of my query when I came across a thread that was keeping score on another forum. I only noted my wife and I seek mutual satisfaction and whether that is once a year or once a night, what matters to us is that we are happy with our intimate life. Some seem to infer that means doing it like rabbits. Not necessarily so. 

Oh, and I am past middle age at 61 closing in on 62. I had 37 years with a wonderful woman and four kids, one of whom died in infancy and the other three now grown to adulthood. My current wife is 34 and we've been together 3 years, married for 2. With neither my first or second wife have we ever kept a tally of how many times so I couldn't tell how many numbers I'm pulling, past or present. I and my wife could care less.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Keep in mind that for some people, especially those of us in highly quantitative fields, keeping track of anything is a way of life. My daughters each had their 1st year calendar with milestone stickers etc along with daily milk / formula intake . It's second nature. So it is not a surprise if more intimate parts of our lives are tracked, consciously or not.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My therapist suggested that I start keeping track since my wife had a hugely inaccurate view of our sex life. For example, she thought we had gone a week without sex when it had actually been three weeks.

She wasn't thrilled when she found out about it but it did prove my point.

These days I don't keep track. I gauge my/our sex life by my level of sexual frustration. It usually doesn't get too bad, meaning maybe a week goes by without sex, but that could also be a few days or 10 day.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Holland said:


> I disagree with the pp that said it shouldn't make a difference.
> 
> My experience has been that it makes the world of difference. I am HD, was married to a very LD man. In the end (20 yrs together) it had impacted me so badly that my health was in danger.
> 
> ...


Now this made me sit up and take notice.

I wonder...


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Maneo said:


> On another forum I peruse from time to time I came across a thread asking the frequency of sexual intimacy among couples since the beginning of the year. The responses indicated precise number of times for straight intercourse, oral and hand. (interestingly no one mentioned foot jobs, one of the sexual play best kept secrets)
> 
> I couldn't tell you how many times my wife and I have done it, not because we do it so frequently we have lost count but just that we simply don't keep a running tab. I could relate what's happened in the last few days or the last week or so but beyond that our attitude is, who cares? If she is happy and I am happy, smooth sailing. If one of us is feeling the need for some then we let the other one know and we take care of it.
> 
> Are my wife and I the odd couple or are the couples who keep a tally of how often and by what means the exceptions to the rule?


Agree with you, we are the same despite a slow down as my wife goes through menopause.

I can remember the last couple of times and a few memorable ones like last night but the rest is a blur.

However many years ago we went through a near sexless period and in those days I would remember pretty well when we had performed,


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> My therapist suggested that I start keeping track since my wife had a hugely inaccurate view of our sex life. For example, she thought we had gone a week without sex when it had actually been three weeks.
> 
> She wasn't thrilled when she found out about it but it did prove my point.
> 
> These days I don't keep track. I gauge my/our sex life by my level of sexual frustration. It usually doesn't get too bad, meaning maybe a week goes by without sex, but that could also be a few days or 10 day.


Maybe something I should do as well. Sure my wife would answer the same as yours. Going on two weeks now, and Im sure she would think its been a couple of days maybe.

Anything to help stop the annoying dance of getting cranky after a couple of weeks, being asked "whats up with you lately?" and then it likely finally clicks for her. Then some really exciting lets get it done late at night sex. Rinse and repeat.


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## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

I started to keep a sex diary last year. I was so unhappy with the frequency of sex I wanted to see how many times in a year we had sex. My husband tries to tell me what we have is normal but I know it isn't. So far this year. it's 6 times. If I was happy and having plenty of sex then no I wouldn't be keeping count either.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Cupcake37 said:


> I started to keep a sex diary last year. I was so unhappy with the frequency of sex I wanted to see how many times in a year we had sex. My husband tries to tell me what we have is normal but I know it isn't. So far this year. it's 6 times. If I was happy and having plenty of sex then no I wouldn't be keeping count either.


What is a normal amount of activity?


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## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

Well for me, I would be happy with 6 times in a week not 6 months. I appreciate everybody is different but have just accepted that I am not going to change him.


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