# Thinking about separating



## creade27 (May 26, 2017)

My husband & I have been separated for almost three years now... (not legally) we both have been in relationships that didn’t go anywhere. Well the last few days we been talking more and he came over and ate dinner and helped me with our little one... how should I pursue this??


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

The subject of your thread is "Thinking about separating". But clearly you are separated. 

That being said your post does not provide enough info to give any real meaningful advice.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

creade27 said:


> My husband & I have been separated for almost three years now... (not legally) we both have been in relationships that didn’t go anywhere. Well the last few days we been talking more and he came over and ate dinner and helped me with our little one... how should I pursue this??


You were here a year ago asking the same thing.Is he still with his girlfriend or has he finished with her.
You were dating only five months and married for two months when you left him.You have been apart for five times the amount of time you were together.What gives you the idea that things will be better this time around.
If he hasn’t broke up with his girlfriend then you have to realize that he is cheating on her with you,how do you feel about that.


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## creade27 (May 26, 2017)

*Been separated for three years*

Sorry! We were previously talking about divorce but neither one of us will file and he told me if I did he wouldn’t sign them!


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## creade27 (May 26, 2017)

No he’s no longer with that girlfriend anymore and they have been separated for 5 months now


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Never understood how people can work on a marriage while literally separated.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Been separated for three years*



creade27 said:


> Sorry! We were previously talking about divorce but neither one of us will file and he told me if I did he wouldn’t sign them!


You don't need your 'husband's' permission to divorce him. Just file and do it.


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## creade27 (May 26, 2017)

I know I don’t need his permission... basically neither one of us are going to sign them so why would either one of us pay to waste our money


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

creade27 said:


> I know I don’t need his permission... basically neither one of us are going to sign them so why would either one of us pay to waste our money



So what do you want to do? Are there ground rules in place for your current arrangement? Are there things to work on before getting back together? Is what you are doing now working out ok?


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## creade27 (May 26, 2017)

nice777guy said:


> creade27 said:
> 
> 
> > I know I don’t need his permission... basically neither one of us are going to sign them so why would either one of us pay to waste our money
> ...


I am wanting to get back with him, my two other kids absolutely adore him. He’s got two other kids and his oldest girl kinda hates me but we won’t go into full detail about that and his youngest daughter loves me to death! We do not have an arrangement, we just went our separate ways, we never went to court... I am thinking about trying marriage counseling


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

Ask him out on a date.

Women do that kind of thing these days.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

creade27 said:


> I am wanting to get back with him, my two other kids absolutely adore him. He’s got two other kids and his oldest girl kinda hates me but we won’t go into full detail about that and his youngest daughter loves me to death! We do not have an arrangement, we just went our separate ways, we never went to court... I am thinking about trying marriage counseling



Marriage counseling sounds like a good start.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I am confused as to why you think you have a marriage? You seem to have two separate lives and a piece of paper that specifies a financial agreement. That's not really a marriage by any standard that anyone would look at. Maybe you should come to terms with that first.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

*Re: Been separated for three years*



creade27 said:


> Sorry! We were previously talking about divorce but neither one of us will file and he told me if I did he wouldn’t sign them!


End this. You don't need his signature to get a divorce, I've done it.


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## Raffi (Feb 9, 2018)

I definitely think marriage counseling will be helpful here. (Full disclosure: I'm a marriage counselor!) It may not help you repair the relationship, but at least it will give you clarity on which way you want to go. Living in limbo like this is not ideal for either of you.


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