# Feedback ?



## MyThree&Me (Mar 16, 2012)

Alrighty...I'm sure that I'm not going to ask any new questions here, but I just can't find any that really apply to my particular situation, and I'm being too lazy to search through the hundreds of threads on here.

I and my husband were together for 12 years, married for almost 8 when we separated 5 months ago. He was going to move out 3 months earlier, but I changed my mind and asked him to stay only IF he would go to couples counselling with me.

He has major anger/impatience issues, and while he hasn't hit anyone...When he drinks,any reserve he had flies out the window. He yells at my daughters (who are only 3 and 6), and has thrown things a couple of times as well as punched his dresser.

He cancelled one of our counselling sessions, and I told him that he would be responsible for rescheduling if he truly wanted our marriage to work.
He never did.

I finally got up the nerve to tell him to leave...he was livid (to say the least) but he did take a few things to his parents'.

He started going to counselling at a different place on his own after I'd asked him to leave, and has had this 'AMAZING change' happen to him.

I on the other hand, have not been convinced. He is now furious with me because he says that it shouldn't take me a year to realize that he's had a 'genuine' change. That he won't wait that long.

He has dropped the kids off to me early so that he could go smoke pot...(which he KNOWS I am 100% against!!!), He reamed the kids out in front of two of their friends, He got mad at me and doesn't remember what he even said, and last weekend he told a mutual friend of ours that while he's away for work 'maybe he'll find a good lay'!!

I am fed up, I can't do this anymore. He thinks I am being unreasonable for taking his little 'joke' about cheating seriously.

Even though there hasn't been infidelity, at every turn he is accusing me of cheating, and is constantly reading into things. Afraid that I will try and replace him. 

I wouldn't mind people's thoughts on whether my thinking divorce now is wrong? 

I've come from a highly abusive home, and even the verbal abuse that I've dealt with over the years is just too exhausting.
Plus, I have three daughters to think of...not just me.

Thoughts?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Let him stay gone.

He is abusive. Divorce this man.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

You are absolutely right in wanting to divorce. The 'amazing change' is neither amazing nor a change. You are from an abusive home, so you know what kind of damage staying with him will do to your daughters. If he had really changed, he wouldn't be angry because you're taking your time to be sure you want him back.


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## MyThree&Me (Mar 16, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> You are absolutely right in wanting to divorce. The 'amazing change' is neither amazing nor a change. You are from an abusive home, so you know what kind of damage staying with him will do to your daughters. If he had really changed, he wouldn't be angry because you're taking your time to be sure you want him back.


Thank you for putting it into words...He is constantly pushing to see if I'm 'convinced' then freaks out when I say no.
To me, being unsure is SUCH a red flag that I'm just not willing to take down.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others, he has not changed. He's learned to put on an act for a short time. Leaving him is your best bet.


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