# Need advice about divorce



## gweru1 (Oct 8, 2012)

Hi,im a new member here in need of some advice. Im 30 years old and Ive been with my husband almost 5 years now and we have two children together.I am looking for advice because ever since the beginning of our marriage my husband has been flirting with different girls (including his ex's) and every time he would apologize and say he wouldn't do it again.Then last year there was domestic violence where he hit me,i reported this to the police where he had a caution.Ever since this incidence ,if we have an argument he would always reference that he would hit me and this has made me reluctant to get into arguments with him as i fear he might hit me.He has a big temper.He goes out a lot ,every Friday and Saturday,to casino and friends (so he says) and comes home financially he is a spender and i like saving so i have a separate account that i save my money into and he doesn't know about this account.Its got to a point where i feel trapped in the marriage and i feel he might hit me if we have an argument.I have since heard two stories (from friends) about two separate women claiming they were going out with him last year.He works full time and i am a full time student and i receive my funding through student finance.My question is If i file for separation would it seem like i would have given up on my marriage too quick?

Thanks in advance

ps - he suggested counselling once then he changed his mind about it.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

gweru1,
Your marriage is doomed. There is domestic abuse, hidden financial accounts, bad tempers, and all around immaturity. I am not an advocate of divorce except in cases of adultery. You don't have to live with an abuser, if what you are saying is the truth. What you need to do:

1. File for a domestic violence restraining order citing the police interaction and his continued threats. You WILL get one and he will be evicted from the home. Make sure you request spousal support if you need it on the order or ask the court to require him to continue paying the bills if that is the case.
2. File for divorce requesting exclusive use of the marital home while the divorce case proceeds and making note of the restraining order obtained in step 1.
3. Go to counseling and get yourself help. If what you are saying is true, it is very traumatic and you need to process it and be able to move on. 
4. Ensure you have a safety plan in place in case he violates the restraining order. Remember, when seconds count the police are just minutes away.


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## gweru1 (Oct 8, 2012)

hi,thank you so much for your advice,i had no idea i could file for a domestic violence restraining order.I have always been afraid of leaving and i think its because i kept thinking he will change but he isn't and i think he takes advantage of the fact that i am a quite person,but i guess i can only take so much of what he is doing


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Yes, 
All 50 states have restraining orders for domestic violence victims. Orders issued in one state are good in the other 49 states without an additional hearing. Having said this, restraining orders are the "nuclear weapons" of the divorce game. It will wreck your husband's reputation and will hamper his efforts to get a fair divorce settlement so please do not get one unless ACTUAL abuse has occurred.


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