# Husbands and Lap dances



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

Is it ok for a married man to get a lap dance? What is their thoughts behind getting one? Is it for fun, betrayal, to cheat?

What's everyone's opinion on this? 

Thanks so much..


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It's not ok with me for a nearly naked woman to grind on his lap in my living room, so it's not ok with me for a woman to grind on his lap in a club, either. 

And if he's paying for the privilege with OUR joint funds, double hell no.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

It's really never ok in my book for ANY committed partner to have nearly naked dancers grinding away on their lap.

Having said that, we need more details. Was it a bachelor party that got out of control? Or is this a habit that your husband indulges in frequently? Is he honest about it or does he try to hide it? Does he spend money you don't have on this "hobby?"

As I said before, it's never ok in my book. If my man was at a strip club with skanky half-dressed women sitting on his lap waving their b**bs in his face, *he would not be my man for much longer!!!* 

The only one that gets to waggle her stuff in his face and on his lap is ME!!


----------



## Stillasamountain (Jan 13, 2014)

I'd say, in general, no. But it's really a boundary that needs to be discussed and agreed upon by each couple.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I can see where many ladies would give this a solid HELL NO...However, in my experience...the lap dances are pretty brief, and there isn't any touching by the dude...unless he wants some broken fingers, tossed out, otherwise F'd up. 

Soooo...counter question...since lap dances are a no...would that thereby make ladies getting a stripper to a bachelorette party (or other similar event) a No No as well? 

Just curious...I don't go to any clubs (stripper or otherwise), nor does my wife..it's a boundary- that doesn't get crossed.


----------



## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

:whip:


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

*Re: Re: Husbands and Lap dances*



happy as a clam said:


> It's really never ok in my book for ANY committed partner to have nearly naked dancers grinding away on their lap.
> 
> Having said that, we need more details. Was it a bachelor party that got out of control? Or is this a habit that your husband indulges in frequently? Is he honest about it or does he try to hide it? Does he spend money you don't have on this "hobby?"
> 
> ...


Yes, they went to a strip club for a Bachelor party. The next day I asked him if he got a lap dance, he looked me straight in the eyes and no. I didn't believe him at all but didn't say anything else.
Last night we had a massive fight and i asked him again, he told me the truth, that yes he did have a lap dance. 

He lied to me..... im not sure if that is worse than the lap dance....


No, he doesn't ever have them.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well since he lied he clearly knows it's not ok. Let him know that you'll be going to the club where a guy will be shaking his package in your face, then watch his response.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

It's ok with me. I prefer if I am invited.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Meli33 said:


> Is it ok for a married man to get a lap dance?


Well I guess that would depend on what his wife thinks.

But to me, the question is, why DOES a married man, or any man for that matter, GET a lap dance?


----------



## Kvboo (Feb 12, 2013)

No I'm not ok with it. 

Here's my experience My husband once went to a strip club before his company holiday party with his male coworkers and I kind of had a feeling he went. So when I asked him about it he lied and said no I didn't go, having the feeling he lied I checked his phones gps and yup he went. I was more hurt he lied and it causes me now not to trust a lot of what he says. So I would say the lying about it is the bigger issue.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The only lap dances I've had were from my wife or her friends on my birthday, with her egging them on. She wouldn't mind if I went to strip clubs, as she knows I'd be coming home to her and she'd reap the benefits of the sexual energy. However, I have no interest in going to strip clubs, and have only gone for friends' bachelor parties.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Meli33 said:


> Is it ok for a married man to get a lap dance? What is their thoughts behind getting one? Is it for fun, betrayal, to cheat?
> 
> What's everyone's opinion on this?
> 
> Thanks so much..


I would think the only time it would be OK is if he had his wife's full permission.

And if so, she should have her head examined.


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

I really don't care about things like that.

If that's how he'd get his jollies, then go for it.

But he hasn't been to a club like that since his early 20's.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think it'd be great fun and a nice way to help a young lady pay for college. Mrs. Unbelievable would probably see it as justification for homicide, so I believe I'll pass on the lap dances.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

No way. Not on.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

OP. Give one of his friends a strip tease and lap dance. He royally screwed up especially lying about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

I know my opinion isn't going to be very popular but it doesn't phase me. He has gone for a bachelor party or a guys night, maybe once every couple years. I know guys are very visual and I trust him. I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home to eat.

I think the bigger issue is the lie, you knew he was going to a bachelor party.


----------



## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

norajane said:


> It's not ok with me for a nearly naked woman to grind on his lap in my living room, so it's not ok with me for a woman to grind on his lap in a club, either.
> 
> And if he's paying for the privilege with OUR joint funds, double hell no.


What if the girls get together and want to see the male dancer review or have a guy do a lap dance for the wives?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> I know my opinion isn't going to be very popular but it doesn't phase me. He has gone for a bachelor party or a guys night, maybe once every couple years. I know guys are very visual and I trust him. I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home to eat.
> 
> I think the bigger issue is the lie, you knew he was going to a bachelor party.


If your H does not mind you giving other men lap dances then him getting one should be fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

I think its okay, as long as he doesn't cum or get a hard on.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ChristianGrey said:


> I think its okay, as long as he doesn't cum or get a hard on.


LOL!&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> If your H does not mind you giving other men lap dances then him getting one should be fine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband wouldn't mind if I went to see male strippers. It isn't an issue as far as me dancing because it isn't the same. He isnt dancing half naked around women he is watching and it wouldn't bother him if I watched male strippers.


----------



## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

There are two aspects here.
Aspect one. female partner and male partner are ok with the other having this type of "entertainment" and therefore both would see it as ok. I suspect these are in the minority, especially based and the reactions here. It doesn't matter if its a female part or male party its boundary to be agreed on until either or both say they are no longer happy.

Aspect two
In the majority those in a committed relationship should distance themselves away from situations that could/can/do bring consequences. 

As a male I have, and Im proud to stand this one say that since meeting my W and being married 30 years I have always dodged away from being in these situations. And even when Ive been at a club for a large sports event and thy have advertised something like a comedian for the pre game warm up Ive walked out of the room if a stripper is included in the pre game entertainment. 
I hold a belief that I would feel uncomfortable if my wife were in a situation where a male stripper did something, and I need not elaborate on exactly what as we know what they do under the terms of "just a bit of fun". What is worse as one contributor here has said, if that activity was discussed outside after and a partner was made aware of adult fun had then boundaries may well have been damaged and then you have the scenario as we have here.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> My husband wouldn't mind if I went to see male strippers. It isn't an issue as far as me dancing because it isn't the same. He isnt dancing half naked around women he is watching and it wouldn't bother him if I watched male strippers.


I was illustrating the whole sexual interaction aspect. I believe if a man thinks it is ok to get that very sexual service from another woman he should have no logical problem with his wife giving or receiving the same with another man. Sexual interaction is sexual interaction regardless of who is paying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Well I guess that would depend on what his wife thinks.
> 
> But to me, the question is, why DOES a married man, or any man for that matter, GET a lap dance?


On the other hand, maybe it depends on the quality of the lap dance.


OK, OK, that's a joke.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

If these things are important to either the husband or a wife they need to be discussed up front before a marriage commitment. I personally have no issue with it but understandably many do.


----------



## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

norajane said:


> It's not ok with me for a nearly naked woman to grind on his lap in my living room, so it's not ok with me for a woman to grind on his lap in a club, either.
> 
> And if he's paying for the privilege with OUR joint funds, double hell no.


This 100%!


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

I had a GF just out of college that knew how I felt about going to see strippers, much less getting lap dance.

She went anyway knowing how I felt, came home at 2am all horny. First, I knew this girl wasn't the one for me if she cared that little about my feelings, and second, the last thing I want is for a gf of mine to want to have sex because some other men got her all hot and bothered. 
I don't go for all that, "but you get to reap the benefits" crap either.

Oh I suppose I could have reaped the benefit, got my jollies, then the next morning told her to get out and never come back. But I want someone that wants me, and doesn't want to have sex because she got all horny from other men.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

vellocet said:


> I had a GF just out of college that knew how I felt about going to see strippers, much less getting lap dance.
> 
> She went anyway knowing how I felt, came home at 2am all horny. First, I knew this girl wasn't the one for me if she cared that little about my feelings, and second, the last thing I want is for a gf of mine to want to have sex because some other men got her all hot and bothered.
> I don't go for all that, "but you get to reap the benefits" crap either.
> ...


Same here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Meli33 said:


> Is it ok for a married man to get a lap dance? What is their thoughts behind getting one? Is it for fun, betrayal, to cheat?
> 
> What's everyone's opinion on this?
> 
> Thanks so much..


My personal opinion, would be NO! nothing about a lap dance excites me. Eww. But all relationships are different. If it is something that bothers the spouse, then of course don't get one. I simply cannot imagine giving up lap dances would be a deal breaker in a relationship. I dont like dogs humping my legs either.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

ankh said:


> What if the girls get together and want to see the male dancer review or have a guy do a lap dance for the wives?


This has _never _happened with my group of friends - that's not how we roll. 

I'll add that I wouldn't want to be a part of that even if someone suggested it. To me, the idea of having some nearly nude dancing stranger in my lap is repulsive, and it's disrespectful to my SO. I'd consider it cheating in any other venue, so it happening in a strip club where you pay for it does not change my perspective at all.


----------



## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Hell no! But that is just me.


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I have confronted my husband about this last night. This morning i sent him a text outlining my feelings on his lap dance.. this is what i wrote him..

'I need to get a couple of things off my chest.
My take on lap dances:
To me, lap dances are considered along the lines of cheating. It's a sexual act.... you are receiving one to excite/arouse you, therefore it's a sexual act. I know in some marriages, this is a deal breaker. 
Once again, u have betrayed me. For you to think it's ok for a married man to receive a sexual act from another women is beyond me considering you have betrayed by heart and trust before. For me to forgive you again, what does this make of me?? Weak.. a doormat... thinking i will keep forgiving you over and over again? NO.. i will never ever forgive you again. My heart does not deserve to be treated like this. I deserve someone who is going to protect my heart from ever being broken.
You need to read the email i sent you.
Im not sure if im more broken about the lap dance or the fact you lied to my face and broke my trust YET again... '

Thanks everyone


----------



## nikoled (Mar 12, 2014)

Yeah, not ok. When I got married this wasn't even an area I considered us needing "a policy" about. But clearly we did. I found out a couple of months ago that my husband has visited strip clubs on several occasions for lap dances. I think it is creepy. The realization came about after finding out about his affair and finding out that he had HORRIBLE boundaries- this was just one example of that. Well, we now both know that strip clubs are not ok in our marriage. 

I think the important part is that it isn't a secret and is discussed so that the spouse has a choice to voice their expectation. I didn't even think it was something that was going on and needed discussion. In your shoes, with a history of betrayal I would definitely be questioning whether or not this marriage can/should be saved. If I find out my husband goes strip club again after we have discussed how it is not ok with me he would definitely be facing some very major consequences.


----------



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

*Re: Re: Husbands and Lap dances*



intheory said:


> Meli,
> 
> Is there a reason that you can't have this (rather important) conversation face-to-face?
> 
> ...


Yes, we did talk about this.. but i felt he was rug sweeping... which after i sent him this message, he admitted he was.. we are talking about it...


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

But you said you'd "never, ever forgive him again."

What's there to talk about?


----------

