# Still finding it hard.



## jackweds (Jul 3, 2011)

Hi, my wife left me last may (2011)after deciding between January and may if it was what she really wanted. We divorced in February of this year. I did not cheat, drink, wasn't violent and all in all was a supportive and good husband, I had my faults. Short temper and am insecure but no more so than most. My wife had a lot of issues and demons from her past, her family where quite dysfunctional and her mum had trouble showing love and emotion. I have known my ex wife for 15 years since school and afforded her. She is the only woman I have ever loved (although at times I do question if in some ways I am addicted to her). Since leaving she has made no attempt to explain her reasons, I have asked dozens of times but my emails are ignored or I get the stock 'I live you but I'm
Not in love with you' answer. So I now fully accept our relationship is over but what I want to know us does anyone have any advice about either how long it takes to get back to normality or tips on how to deal with the mixture of true heartbreak and addiction to your ex? I have at times been suicidal and I think the worst bit is her total cut off of communication to me, despite maintaining she does not hate/resent me and has at times declared great guilt about her actions. I don't want to end up dead over this but it's over a year and I'm not improving. Please any advice would've appreciated. Thanks, jack.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

jackweds said:


> Hi, my wife left me last may (2011)after deciding between January and may if it was what she really wanted. We divorced in February of this year. I did not cheat, drink, wasn't violent and all in all was a supportive and good husband, I had my faults. Short temper and am insecure but no more so than most. My wife had a lot of issues and demons from her past, her family where quite dysfunctional and her mum had trouble showing love and emotion. I have known my ex wife for 15 years since school and afforded her. She is the only woman I have ever loved (although at times I do question if in some ways I am addicted to her). Since leaving she has made no attempt to explain her reasons, I have asked dozens of times but my emails are ignored or I get the stock 'I live you but I'm
> Not in love with you' answer. So I now fully accept our relationship is over but what I want to know us does anyone have any advice about either how long it takes to get back to normality or tips on how to deal with the mixture of true heartbreak and addiction to your ex? I have at times been suicidal and I think the worst bit is her total cut off of communication to me, despite maintaining she does not hate/resent me and has at times declared great guilt about her actions. I don't want to end up dead over this but it's over a year and I'm not improving. Please any advice would've appreciated. Thanks, jack.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey Jack. Welcome to the club of having an ex that does not give a reason on the divorce. Mine did the same. First and foremost, stop contacting her. I know its tough, but you have to do it. Second, work on you, as the more you do, the better you will be. Third, I wish I could tell you when it gets better. I have good days and bad days (been divorced 7 months), but I'm finding that the more I care about myself, the less I care about her.

Finding another woman to have a crush on helps immensely!! Going to go see my crush tonight. Go out with some friend and talk with some women. A divorce is not the kiss death.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I thought my life was over when my ex left me last year. I ended up in the hospital in a psych unit because I was afraid I would kill myself over it. The only thing that kept me from it was my little girls. I knew they needed me to be healthy. So I clawed my way back to some normalcy. Today I have kicked the depression, but I doubt I will ever really get over his affair and the divorce. I don't have the luxury of cutting him off totally as we have the kids. I think it's best to cut off the ex totally and work on you. Sure it's sad, and yes you miss them, but life has a way of going on and there are good things in it.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's difficult I know...similiar circumstances for me after 25 years.

Have you talked to anybody about your feelings....A good counselor might be the ticket for you to begin moving forward.

When you don't have reasons or closure to your questions, it's hard to move past. You may never have the reason, so you have (2) choices. Stay where you are or move forward.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hellll yes man, Ive felt that way too numerous times. The thing is to also "take notice of" the days you arent just all bent out of shape, even if its just moments, because those moments will become addicting. Its been eleven months for me, since the divorce, no real reasoning, I was a good husband and father, she just found some old bf on FB and the attention suckered her in. Total weakness. 
But let me tell you something, from someone thats found the bottom of the barrel and beyond, that there WILL be better days, and you WILL start feeling your legs back under you. I havent dated, and havent sought companionship. I did talk to friends and family about what I was thinking, and a lot of the time it just helps to have people agree that "Yeah, that was sh!tty of her to do"...
I was married for ten years and with her for sixteen, and we have one little girl. 
I now have a house of my own, my own backyard, the freedom to do whatever I want, and the burden of living your life trying to please someone else is gone. THAT is a HUGE relief, I will tell ya. 
Take it easy, man. This is not the end of the world, in fact it is a door opening.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

The others are right....hang in there and walk one foot at a time. It will get better. Get some serious help...now! Don't wait. Don't put it off. You need someone on your team!


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