# When to start dating again?



## rccman66 (Feb 18, 2019)

Short run down on my situation,

I have been separated for 2 years, Filed for divorce in July of 2018.

Lawyers are Lawyering, dragging out a long time it seems like.

I feel I am ready to start dating again, just curious as to what suggestions anyone here has for me.

Thanks for any feedback!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Maybe be best to wait till you are no longer married. 

It was 4 years for me after we separated and then divorced till I felt emotionally ready to date again.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it depends.

you say you have been separated for 2 years; is this living apart?

it really depends on how detached you are from your ex. if you are 100% emotionally over her, then i would say your'e ready.
now 100% over her doesn't mean you don't care about her, or don't wish her well, only that there is no part of you that wants to someday get back with her.
and that you have felt that way for at least many months or a year or more. there is no more attraction.

if on the other hand, you still have attachment feelings, i would wait, and explore those feelings before involving other people.

2 cents worth.


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## rccman66 (Feb 18, 2019)

jorgegene said:


> it depends.
> 
> you say you have been separated for 2 years; is this living apart?
> 
> ...






We have lived separate for around 2 years, prior to that she had moved out to go back to school for the 2 years prior to the separation.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

as long as you don't treat someone like the rebound partner

monopolising their time and making promises for the future.

If you feel needy, don't date.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rccman66 said:


> We have lived separate for around 2 years, prior to that she had moved out to go back to school for the 2 years prior to the separation.


Why did you not divorce earlier?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

If you are ready then you are ready.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> If you are ready then you are ready.


Exactly. Hell, you waited two long years. That's about 1.9 years longer than I waited once I got away from my ex. LOL.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Give yourself adequate enough time "to mourn" the end of the marital relationship. For some people, that absolutely takes longer than it does others.

But whatever you choose to do, @rccman66 ~ do not start dating again just out of sheer desperation! That aspect does neither of you any possible good!*


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

If you personally have no “moral” issue with dating while still married on paper, and you feel ready, then go for it. 2 years seems like plenty of time, but everyone is different. 

Just know that some women will be unwilling to date you while you are still legally married, but some won’t care at all. 

I would suggest you be very upfront in your OLD (online dating) profile (if you go that route) about exactly where you are at in the separation and divorce process. Also with anyone you choose to ask out IRL, before you go on your first date. 

I hope things speed up with your lawyers and that you find true happiness in your second time around. I know many of us here have. Best wishes! Have fun!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Right now, I see that you have really been separated for four years. My experts generally say that at the one year mark, post-separation, you are emotionally ready to date. Some want the marriage to be officially court decreed as over before dating, whereas, I have had several clients that have their SO leave in the morning, and have a date lined up for that evening. It is up to the individual, but this is not an absolute: Test the waters, go out with a mixed group. See if you are comfortable in that setting before moving onto one-to-one. I am really old school, so online or speed dating seems really bizarre to me. And, I worked in bars as a kid, and you really do not meet the best class of person in that environment.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Whenever you want and feel ready, there is no time frame that fits everyone.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Rather than officially dating, get involved in activities that have lots of opportunity for chatting and casual get-togethers. For example, join a fitness group that meets regularly. You'll see the same people regularly and have many opportunities to get to know them. Sometimes the group may also go out to eat after working out. This allows you the ability to ease into social and dating interactions that develop more naturally than on-line dating or trying to pick someone up.


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## rccman66 (Feb 18, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Why did you not divorce earlier?




I guess I was dragging my feet somewhat, maybe it was me mourning the loss of my marriage, whatever, One day I woke up and realized that it was truly over and we weren't getting back together and I went straight to my lawyer and before the day was over she had been served.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Start chasing women as soon as you want to.

Sounds like it's been a while. Any chasing now is good practice. 

You can play catch and release!

PS but do try and be considerate of the chasees. Honesty and courtesy, all that goes without saying.

Play on!!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

If you're ready to start dating, then go ahead and date. Just make sure you tell the women you date that you are still officially married. 

As a single woman, I will not date men who are still legally married and it pisses me off when they don't self disclose this information.


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## rccman66 (Feb 18, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Start chasing women as soon as you want to.
> 
> Sounds like it's been a while. Any chasing now is good practice.
> 
> ...



Always the gentleman! Definitely so!

Thanks for the support.


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