# How much of this is normal?



## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

I have always thought that I suffered from anxiety and depression, and it has perhaps destroyed my marriage. I don't know how much of it is me or even a normal behavior that he's not accepting of.

If i make a mistake I was always very persistent in apologizing and it made me feel like I was in a funk for a day or two if he told me I was upsetting him.
If we fought I just mainly cried, it was so stressful for me to fight that I didn't know what the hell else to do.
For some reason after we moved to a larger town I became wholly focused on him and convinced myself that I had to try to get him to stay. To this day I do not know how this started or why, right now in my current state it doesn't even make sense.

Right now, he is staying at his family's house for what he describes as a much needed man-break/space. It's only been about a week and he says he'd like a month or two of space. No divorce, he won't even call it seperation. In the last week I've gone through every emotion ever and convinced myself that he is cheating, he is letting me down easily, and he is setting me up or toying with me. 

For example he had a car problem and had to cancel a ROUGH plan for dinner, and I became convinced that he was blowing me off. I had my first panic attack in a few years last night and i fought it off tooth and nail, but I still had the funk that carried over into today.

I HATE THIS!!! I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO TRUST!!!

How in the world do I fix this in myself? Everything I feel has been explained away by him, he's asking that I PLEASE trust him and STOP thinking badly of him...

So far I am not going to contact him for a few days so that I can get all this under control. I canceled a date myself and told him I needed my own space bubble for a few days. Now I don't know what to do!!! I am so scared he will grow apart from me if I don't talk to him, or find someone else that he likes more.

I thought I got to a point where I had more faith, but I undermine myself daily now. What can I do to work on myself? He probably won't come home unless I can show him that I am trusting and don't think poorly of him, plus i just plain don't want to be this person anymore. I just know I am pushing him away, but these dark thoughts and fears are drowning me and I can no longer turn to him as my friend and confidant. I need to finally learn how to do this myself...for good.

Any suggestions would be so very appreciated.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

ELS, I have read a number of your posts and it seems like you have an unhealthy attachment to your husband. It seems like your thoughts, behaviors, emotions, ect. are completely dependant on his thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. I would suggest counseling to deal with some of the past issues and to help you learn how to think on your own and be responsible for your behaviors. You also have to learn how to not be responsible for his behaviors. No man, no matter how wonderful, will ever "complete" you. You have to be complete yourself. Counseling might be able to help you with that process. I hope that helps!


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

Thank you for your input Brian I know that I have a lot to work on. I do genuinely love him and want this to work. I feel like I am trying to do things on my own and have fun by myself...but I am being overwhelmed by negative emotions. I'd like to go to counseling but it would take a few days to get in a program, and I have always had bad luck with getting counselors that don't help or just tell me to avoid stress..I don't want to avoid stress I want to learn how to deal with it when it's unavoidable!
However obsessed or unhealthy I am feeling right now about my husband, is it still ok that I want to make this work? We had a great relationship in the beginning and I just lost myself somewhere.

The thing is that I have plenty of my own hobbies, go to school, i have a job...I am emotionally caught up with my husband sometimes but I surely am able to entertain myself. It's just that right now I am just freaking out, normally I do much better but the thought of him leaving for good is devastating.


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