# Technology and cheating....



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

What is the same: I think the people with pre-conditions to cheat may be the same just based on human, nature, upbringing, etc. I don't think technology had a DIRECT effect on that.

HOWEVER! Technology has tremendously increased the ease of people to get into the beginning stages of cheating. Think of how many relationships are now being started that start with harmless, texts, messaging, etc, then it turns into intimate details, then it turns into an EA and sets up the PA. Technology has made the ability to have an affair, via laying the groundwork of an emotional bond SO MUCH easier.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

Most definitely without a doubt. Technology changed the way cheating goes down. Way to simple to cheat and if you're smart it can be pretty much untraceable. Smart phones has destroyed a lot of marriages. It started back when internet first come out. Then MSN chat rooms and such started coming out. You still had to be very careful because most couples shared a computer. One way to cure some of the problems would be for couples to sync their phones so they both see what the other is doing. But everyone deserves some privacy so it's not something you see couples doing.


----------



## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Just like the internet, youtube specifically, has helped me with any type of home repair or reno... it can also be used as a tool to help cheaters do something that before would have required a lot more time and effort


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

highwood said:


> Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.


No

Technology is a tool. It has no innate goodness or evil. It is a pet peeve of mine when people say "Facebook causes adultery." Um...no. Facebook is a program/algorithm/etc.

PEOPLE choose to USE technology to cheat.


----------



## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Yep, my wife and I still use those flip/basic cell phones and she still managed to start texing a friend who became one of her boyfriends for 3 years. Made a lot easier for her since I was never been the controlling husband checking her phone.

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Silver92 said:


> Most definitely without a doubt. Technology changed the way cheating goes down. Way to simple to cheat and if you're smart it can be pretty much untraceable. Smart phones has destroyed a lot of marriages. It started back when internet first come out. Then MSN chat rooms and such started coming out. You still had to be very careful because most couples shared a computer. One way to cure some of the problems would be for couples to sync their phones so they both see what the other is doing. But everyone deserves some privacy so it's not something you see couples doing.


Absolutely, both H and I shared a cell phone for a number of years, now we have separate ones, plus we had one computer now we have a home computer and he has a laptop. FOr him, him having his own cell phone and his own laptop allowed him to cheat on me long distance with his EA.

I remember him stating about 10 years ago that he needed a laptop for work purposes, so when he was working away from home, etc. 

It still bugs me 7 years later that he set up a secret email account for himself, etc. Just the sneakiness and deception even years later is sometimes hard to forget.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> highwood said:
> 
> 
> > Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.
> ...


So you're saying that technology has not made cheating easier and happening at a much more higher rate then before?


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Silver92 said:


> So you're saying that technology has not made cheating easier and happening at a much more higher rate then before?[/
> 
> Absolutely, it has in my opinion...people can now talk/text/email with coworkers, etc. It is easy to set up a secret email account that your spouse does not know about. It still shocks me that H 10 years ago did that....that is something that never would have even gone thru my mind especially since I was always the more IT savvy person and the thought of setting up a secret email never occurred to me back then but then again I was not in cheating mode like he was.


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Silver92 said:


> So you're saying that technology has not made cheating easier and happening at a much more higher rate then before?


I don't think she is, I think she is saying the people will cheat no matter how they do it. My response was, that is true but technology creates more opportunity and makes it easier, thus more cheating is occurring because of it.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Silver92 said:


> So you're saying that technology has not made cheating easier and happening at a much more higher rate then before?


There are definitely easier avenues for cheating. But where do we stop? Did US mail make it easier to send love notes to an AP than the pony express? Did the telephone make it easier to call? Did the automobile make it easier to travel to see them? Did airplanes?

Blaming technology for our personal failures )or the personal failures of our loved ones) might make us feel better....but it's crap.

WE make the choices.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Silver92 said:
> 
> 
> > So you're saying that technology has not made cheating easier and happening at a much more higher rate then before?
> ...


Yes I do agree that cheaters will cheat no matter what's out for technology. His question was does today's technology make it easier, for me the answer is yes it does. Way more easier them mailing love notes or having to meet someone face to face. In today's world a cheater can set up an affair in a matter of a couple hours through smartphones or other devices.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Silver92 said:


> Yes I do agree that cheaters will cheat no matter what's out for technology. His question was does today's technology make it easier, for me the answer is yes it does. Way more easier them mailing love notes or having to meet someone face to face. In today's world a cheater can set up an affair in a matter of a couple hours through smartphones or other devices.


Actually, THIS was the question:



> Do you think people cheat more now


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> Actually, THIS was the question:


If that is the question, yes, people do cheat more now. It's doesn't create more cheaters in terms of how they were vulnerable or broken to begin with but it creates more cheatING, as in opportunity, instances, etc.

For one reason alone, that it creates more cheating. Think of how our society in general is LAZY. Minimal effort is no required for potential cheaters.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

No data to support this. But I can't help wondering if looking anonymously makes it easier for people who would not otherwise get started to do so.


----------



## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Way more

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

highwood said:


> Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.


Yes, I think people cheat more as a result of technology. 

There are certainly more emotional affairs, and more affairs with previous boyfriends/girlfriends. In the old days you just never heard from an old flame if you moved 10 miles away. Now you can be across the country and reconnect via social media, leading to an affair.

In the old days you just had the landline telephone, so it was more difficult to have contact with a person you were starting to be attracted to if one of you was married already. Everybody at work or in the neighborhood could see you, so you had to be careful how you acted around this person you were interested in. Today you can meet somebody from outside of your normal circles using the internet, and you can have completely secret communications with them. I believe many people today have affairs who in the past would have been blocked due to fear of being discovered or by inability to have secret communications.

I also believe that people who are interested in cheating are more prolific cheaters today than they would have been in the past.

The flip side is that technology makes it easier to catch cheaters once the BS becomes suspicious. Most cheaters are not very clever because they don't expect to be caught. Tech is so cheap now, making it possible to track and spy without hiring an expensive PI.

My observation spanning the last 35+ years as an adult in the working world is that women are cheating a lot more now than they ever have. Idk if this is tech related or some other sociology.

There is a definite generational difference in sexual attitudes. What constitutes cheating is a lot fuzzier for the younger crowd.


----------



## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Aside from increasing the means by which someone with a cheating tendency can be covert about it, I think one of the biggest elements that modern technology (specifically social media) has amplified is the ability to revisit past flames. I read and hear a lot about people finding high school sweethearts or "the one that got away," and how easy it seems for some people to reignite those old feelings. Seeing pictures and reconnecting over nostalgia seems to be a pretty powerful trigger for EA and PA, especially if those times are seen through the wonderfully rosy-tint of being apart from the struggles of everyday, modern life. Whether using an app to find an old flame or coming across one another on Facebook, even just to "catch up," it seems like it offers a wider playground of opportunity to get an endorphin rush with that cozy sense of familiarity. It can be a very slippery slope that I think a lot of people don't approach with enough reasonable caution. 

Another thing that I think the internet has provided is a toxic sense of anonymity and separation from the real world. I hear a lot of people says things along the lines of "well, it's not like I'm actually there with them" or "it doesn't count because it's just online." It's as though the internet offers a blank-slate/safe space that some people exploit for their own needs or desires. They fail to recognize that their actions online have real-world consequences, so it either desensitizes them or creates a blissfully ignorant state that provides instant gratification without an immediate or obvious cost. It's like a whole new version of Turn on, Tune in, Drop Out.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

highwood said:


> Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.


I believe technology has made it easier to cheat and increased the likelihood of cheating. But I also believe it has substantially increased the likelihood of getting caught.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Silver92 said:
> 
> 
> > Yes I do agree that cheaters will cheat no matter what's out for technology. His question was does today's technology make it easier, for me the answer is yes it does. Way more easier them mailing love notes or having to meet someone face to face. In today's world a cheater can set up an affair in a matter of a couple hours through smartphones or other devices.
> ...


Ok I never repeated the question word for word but it pretty much means the same thing. So far you are the only one who thinks technology has not made cheating more frequent or easier. I won't wast anymore time explaining how much it has. Do a little research and see what it tells you.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It’s likely about the same, at least in terms of percentages.

Technology can be a double-edged sword — those adept in its usage and all its intricacies will be able to use it to conceal any illicit behavior, but they have to maintain a very high level of vigilance in order to ensure that they’re not outed by way of something like a slight change in app behavior.

At the same time, a tech-savvy BS with a somewhat un-savvy WS will find it pretty easy to uncover an affair — the only thing protecting the WS in those cases is the trust of his or her BS.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> It’s likely about the same, at least in terms of percentages.
> 
> Technology can be a double-edged sword — those adept in its usage and all its intricacies will be able to use it to conceal any illicit behavior, but they have to maintain a very high level of vigilance in order to ensure that they’re not outed by way of something like a slight change in app behavior.
> 
> At the same time, a tech-savvy BS with a somewhat un-savvy WS will find it pretty easy to uncover an affair — the only thing protecting the WS in those cases is the trust of his or her BS.


Actually I just done a little research and the percentages are a lot higher now then they were 25 years ago. Not solely due to technology but also the fact that there has been more females enter the work force in the last 25 years. Way more men and woman working together then back 20+ years ago.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Silver92 said:


> Ok I never repeated the question word for word but it pretty much means the same thing. So far you are the only one who thinks technology has not made cheating more frequent or easier. I won't wast anymore time explaining how much it has. Do a little research and see what it tells you.


I guess it all depends on your philosophy of personal responsibility. I try not to blame inanimate objects for my screw-ups.

You condescension is duly noted, however.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Silver92 said:


> Actually _I just *done* a little research_ and the percentages are a lot higher now then they were 25 years ago. Not solely due to technology but also the fact that there has been more females enter the work force in the last 25 years. Way more men and woman working together then back 20+ years ago.


You just DID a little research? I wouldn't mind seeing the sources. That way if I am wrong I can be educated.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

highwood said:


> Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.


God yes.
Imagine being able to reach out and touch someone instantly 35 yes ago (for me). Wouldn't have to call when around phones. But meeting women in person during a normal days activities is the best.

Then, any interaction with a female had possibilities. 
Every woman I talked to was a potential date, unless conversationally it was determined a no go circumstance. 

Sales clerks, cashiers, teachers, barmaids, other cities other companies reps, and so on. Every hello and smile could turn into a date and more. Much better than texting.....

Keep going about your day with an open mind and consciously hunting is always better than tech dates..

Yes I used the word hunting but in a respectful and courteous way. 😊


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

It seems like that when social media is the tool, the most likely target is an old flame. I guess I don't get it because all my old relationships ended for a reason. I don't WANT to look them up or reignite. Not because I hate them, but because....they are irrelevant in my present.

Not to mention how much of an illusion privacy and anonymity really is online. I mean, there are people who make a hobby out of stalking total strangers online. If I decided to be nefarious and unfaithful (which I am not), I sure as heck wouldn't do it online!


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Silver92 said:
> 
> 
> > Actually _I just *done* a little research_ and the percentages are a lot higher now then they were 25 years ago. Not solely due to technology but also the fact that there has been more females enter the work force in the last 25 years. Way more men and woman working together then back 20+ years ago.
> ...


Google It, all kinds of stats out there. Hard to get actual figures because the stats are only for the cheaters who have admitted or were caught. Just going by the ones who admit to infidelity shows higher numbers. Just as many if not more never been caught. 
Sorry if if my vocabulary ain't to your standards. If I would proof read I would catch a lot of it but this is not a high school essay. So take all my errors and jam them somewhere if you wish to.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Silver92 said:


> Google It, all kinds of stats out there. Hard to get actual figures because the stats are only for the cheaters who have admitted or were caught. Just going by the ones who admit to infidelity shows higher numbers. Just as many if not more never been caught.
> Sorry if if my vocabulary ain't to your standards. If I would proof read I would catch a lot of it but this is not a high school essay. So take all my errors and jam them somewhere if you wish to.


Wow, what a gentleman.

I confess I am resistant to blame technology for personal choices because I think we should bear 100% responsibility for our choices. I.E. "Facebook made me do it" wouldn't fly for me. I also see this whole thing going the way of the "violent video game" hysteria of the 1990s. If having social media "makes" someone cheat, they had pretty lousy boundaries to begin with. If someone shoots up a place because they were playing Grand Theft Auto, something was already wrong with them.

But we DO live in a society that blames inanimate objects. McDonald's made me fat. The gun did the murdering. My sad childhood made me an abuser.

Excuses abound.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I don't blame the technology, but it does facilitate affairs much more easily than before it all existed. Those with weak boundaries but difficult logistics in the past would not have an affair, but today they easily can. Those who would not have an affair won't have an affair.

One of the most common affair partners is a previous lover. That's just a fact. Just because you would never get back with someone you dated before doesn't change the fact that the previous lover indeed frequently becomes a future affair partner. Social media makes these connections happen when they never would have before. My now ex-wife's antics (EA) with an ex-bf from when she was in high school never would have happened without social media. I don't blame Facebook but it was a newly available tool which made things possible.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Silver92 said:
> 
> 
> > Google It, all kinds of stats out there. Hard to get actual figures because the stats are only for the cheaters who have admitted or were caught. Just going by the ones who admit to infidelity shows higher numbers. Just as many if not more never been caught.
> ...


Never said technology is making people cheat. It makes it a lot easier is all we are saying. Just like a having a gun in YOUR hand is not going to make you shoot someone but you can if you want to. Just like having a smartphone in your hand is not going to make you cheat but it will make it a lot easier if that's what you want to do.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

Thor said:


> I don't blame the technology, but it does facilitate affairs much more easily than before it all existed. Those with weak boundaries but difficult logistics in the past would not have an affair, but today they easily can. Those who would not have an affair won't have an affair.
> 
> One of the most common affair partners is a previous lover. That's just a fact. Just because you would never get back with someone you dated before doesn't change the fact that the previous lover indeed frequently becomes a future affair partner. Social media makes these connections happen when they never would have before. My now ex-wife's antics (EA) with an ex-bf from when she was in high school never would have happened without social media. I don't blame Facebook but it was a newly available tool which made things possible.


Bang on!!!


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

I agree with Thor 
You can now carry on complete conversations, text messages
and then delete them. You can call anyone from anyplace anytime.
Car ,home , and work without SO knowledge.
You can now locate EX's simply by internet search. 
Send pictures using various apps etc. How many threads 
on TAM involve WS clinging to there cell phones or hiding a burner 
phone ? One of the clear things to look for in a cheater.

You can also be tracked and caught cheating using 
tech as well. 

Regardless however if someone has an itch that they
want scratched, it will get scratched . ( Cheating )


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

So what is the solution?


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> II guess I don't get it because all my old relationships ended for a reason. I don't WANT to look them up or reignite. Not because I hate them, but because....they are irrelevant in my present.!


I completely agree with you on this. Exes are ex for a good reason. For some reason a lot of people have unfinished business or something, and they just can't help but give it one more try even though they are married or in a committed ltr already. I don't hate my last gf. In fact she is a good and decent human, but not a romantic match. Still I can't see ever cheating on somebody with her.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

highwood said:


> 1. Do you think people cheat more now with cell phones and everyone having wifi and or internet available to them? I realized that people have always cheated but wonder now
> 
> 2. if it is so much easier to be sneaky and get away with it way more.


1. Yes 

2. Yes.

Cell phones, wifi and internet are tools. They are not evil. Some people use them for evil.

Same can be said for other tools, gadgets, even children.

For example: foster care is a good idea. It puts children in safe homes with caring adults and other children. Some evil people use it to have access to children and abuse them sexually as well as make money from the government which they do not use for the children's care. Foster care is not evil, the abusers are evil.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> So what is the solution?


Ha, I wish I knew! One of the things I think and worry about with future relationships, and one of the big reasons I don't think I'll get married again.


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> So what is the solution?


Not really much that can be done for a solution. Trust that you have a loving spouse who won't go wayward is all you can wish for. Technology is here to stay


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Infidelity has always happened. In my
younger days ( Think shag carpet, rotary phones)
I had many friends from divorced families. I had just
as many friends from happy married families. Love the 
person you want and hope they love you. Do not 
become dependent on that person however. Never 
feel you can not live without them.You can!!

Have them in your life because you want to share 
your life with them. Not because you need them 
in your life. If you have assets protect them upfront
before the marriage.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Obviously technology makes it easier for dedicated people to cheat. It makes it easier for them to find and communicate with their partners. But the less obvious problem is that technology makes it easier for people to be tempted to have inappropriate relationships. Things like normal work-related texting between colleagues can subtly cross the line into flirting without either person having that intention. Someone who has poor boundaries or impulse control can find themselves in a situation they never thought they'd get into.

Although everyone should be able to control their impulses, we all understand that humans are very bad at it. For example, as anyone on a diet knows, it's a struggle to stick to the food plan when someone brings donuts and cookies to the office breakroom. Ultimately you're responsible for the choices you make, but it's much easier to make good choices when you're not surrounded by temptations.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Silver92 said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > So what is the solution?
> ...


 Exactly. Technology will likely progress forward reprove in going backward for disappearing. And while I do know some people that swear off as much technology as possible to protect themselves, I'm not sure that needs to be a rule or is all that great an idea for everyone on the planet. So rather than lament how horrible technology is for marriages, it would seem the solution would be to find ways not to allow technology to blur our boundaries. Complaining about Facebook will not keep me from having an affair. Having firm boundaries regarding how I use Facebook will.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I have to stop using talk to text haha


----------



## Silver92 (Oct 28, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Silver92 said:
> 
> 
> > personofinterest said:
> ...


True enough, you just have to hope that your spouse stays within the boundaries. A lot more things are effortless in today's world with technology. Marriage is just not taken seriously anymore. Maybe it's because people are not as religious as years past. Years ago damn near every family in your neighborhood was in church on Sunday. I could be completely wrong on that one Lol!!


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

The bottom line is the only person we can really control is ourselves.


----------



## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

technology makes easier too cheat.

however being easier to communicate does not make people cheat.

false assumption to connect technology to cause.

when ice cream eating increases more people drown
this is a false connection
true connection is weather to both
warm weather causes more people to eat ice cream and to swim
increase swimming leads to increase drowning
increase ice cream eating does not


----------

