# How to let go of someone you once loved?



## Toshiba2020

incase you need the background story
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/41086-newlywed-desperate-help.html

I feel like i could leave my wife now in a heart beat and never look back but everytime i think about doing such a thing i think of the girl i once dated in college and got engagged too, that person was my soulmate and the memories of her make me want to stay and hope that it will work out.

While its physically the same person i feel like emotionally they are two completely different people. How do i get the strength to move on and forget about the person i used to be in love with?


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## Heart-broken Girl

I read your story, it seems her love is not enough,,,A women won't bring troubles to the one she really loves,,,You need stay away from her, keep busy, change a new place, keep reading, and maybe you can learn something,,,I tried to do all of these, and it seems work now and decide not to love a man like before,,, If the one gives you pain, she/he is not worth your love,,,We all can meet the right one someday......


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## desert-rose

Communicate with her. Decide if you want to stay or not. Then you can either let go or re-commit. People change, but, it sounds to me like you guys are having issues that don't have to do with her falling out of love with you or cheating and so instead you've got to ask yourself what is really happening. Have you fallen out of love? Is it that you want out? If not, then just hang in there and try harder. It's not always going to be easy, not with anyone.



Toshiba2020 said:


> incase you need the background story
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/41086-newlywed-desperate-help.html
> 
> I feel like i could leave my wife now in a heart beat and never look back but everytime i think about doing such a thing i think of the girl i once dated in college and got engagged too, that person was my soulmate and the memories of her make me want to stay and hope that it will work out.
> 
> While its physically the same person i feel like emotionally they are two completely different people. How do i get the strength to move on and forget about the person i used to be in love with?


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## onehotmama

You can't focus on the person that she was when you first met, people change and she's not that person anymore. I'm not saying there's no hope but you can't sit around dwelling on the past, it does nothing to help you move forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## apoc

onehotmama said:


> You can't focus on the person that she was when you first met, people change and she's not that person anymore. I'm not saying there's no hope but you can't sit around dwelling on the past, it does nothing to help you move forward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^ has the right idea.

Notice how you openly wrote that she straight placated you for a house? That's not love friend. That's manipulation. Staying with someone because of how they used to be means you'd be living in the hope that someone will again become what they're not anymore, and that makes no sense. I was (in a much less deep but nonetheless) relationship where I was used. Even then we got it on 4-5 times a week. 2-3 is what I'd pique for a very moderate week, or plain and simple she could've just been building up so she could get a house and put you in a ****ed up spot where you get to watch over her brother (six nights a week? I'm sorry man, but that's not a marriage, that's f'ing extortion) so she could have pseudo independence by living right down the block from the family.

Even more so, the way you describe her acting when you first married, going 60+ hours a week then just seeing HER PARENTS, not you, but just being around you with some rotten f'in attitude like your love for her isn't sufficient enough to pick up her mood. That's the sign of a woman who, sadly, doesn't want a lot to do with you. As I say, sometimes the horse was shot before it left the starting gate, as has been my case on a few occasions... That's really sh!tty, what you've been through. Much like you too, I did everything in my relationship except in my case it's that my ex was so f'in lazy she never wanted to get up and I only fed the behavior because when I tried to break it we'd just fight and fight and her being both bi-polar and a woman, it never went well for me.

Seriously, especially if you're an engineer, and you got a house, and she loves mom and dad and you watching her brother so gosh darn much, get the house signed to just your name and tell her b!tch be gone. That's no way to live. That's also how you move on. At 20 ought you still have plenty of time to meet someone that's actually worth your time. 

I'm 20 and I've been single most all my life (not ugly or socially awkward but often outcast because I follow the Bible much as I can, and people don't like that around here) and refuse to let somebody bring me down like that. That truly sucks she was nice at first but like you said, you're both engineers, and going by the fact the house was worth manipulating you over to her, maybe she really was just in it for the money, hence you meet in college when you're on your way to the degree and it's all gravy but then you take this women with you to the real world and true colors show... Hate when that happens.


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## CLucas976

Toshiba2020 said:


> incase you need the background story
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/41086-newlywed-desperate-help.html
> 
> I feel like i could leave my wife now in a heart beat and never look back but everytime i think about doing such a thing i think of the girl i once dated in college and got engagged too, that person was my soulmate and the memories of her make me want to stay and hope that it will work out.
> 
> While its physically the same person i feel like emotionally they are two completely different people. How do i get the strength to move on and forget about the person i used to be in love with?



what I think I did was take what you just said, literally. The person that I met and fell in love with that I thought was my soul mate is just that person. I still love him, I will always love him. 

The person that I left, is not that man. He just isn't. I didn't marry the person I left, I married the man I loved.

I mourned the loss of the person I loved that way, and cherish the memories and experiences I had because of that love but that, is it. 

I mentally separated the two, because in essence, they are two different people. The person you fell in love with wouldn't want to see you treated the way the person you're with now or just left, that person would think you deserve better, because you do.

The first step after that, was to teach me how to love myself, because it's important to love who you are, and that's now what you need to do. redevelop your identity, and learn to love the person you are, so you can find someone else with a clear solid mind.


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