# How to cope with cheating wife/mother?



## m4thgambit (Jul 2, 2011)

A year ago my ex wife confessed to me that she cheated on me. Since then she has still been "seeing" the same guy. She claims they are still friends but she chooses to be with him more than me and our 2 daughters. We have since separated but because we cannot make it financially alone she still lives with us. I am the one that decided to take full custody of our kids since her job sometimes makes her work late and I have a consistent work schedule. She broke my heart and I still to this day have not been able to completely let her go. I am trying to figure out how do I deal with her not being home to be with the girls, and sometimes in the same place with me so that I am not trying to do it all on my own, instead of being with him.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Send her to her new guy. Get her to support the kids financially and you keep custody.


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## Cypress (May 26, 2011)

Get her out of your life. She chose to commit adultery, let her deal with the consequences. Women are not attracted to doormats. Don't be one.


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## queenb13 (Jul 2, 2011)

The issue seems to what is in the best interest of your family. It doesn't seem like she is committed to being a wife or a mother.Please know that as much as you hurt, your kids hurt too and do not deserve this.seek counseling to help you let go of her, reassure your kids that you are 100% committed to them and being a dad. Please remember the pain will fade


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Send her to her new guy. Get her to support the kids financially and you keep custody.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Get her out of the house and since you have full custody of the kids seek child support from her when you file for divorce.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

She is making her own bed---let her sleep in it----

If she is so incredibly insensitive, that she cares so little for her own flesh and blood daughters, so be it

Just make sure you are both the father, and mother figure to them----maybe one of these days she will wake up----right now, make sure your provide, everything the girls need, and don't spend one more minute worrying about your wife!!!!!!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree: kick her out. Take all her money for child support. I would personally tell her this. "Look you need to get money from the OM. I need your money to take care of the kids, who are blameless in this. Just look at it like you are a *****, I mean you are, right? So you might as well get paid by him."


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So your questions is how to get her to spend more time with you and the kids, right?

If this is correct, then distance your self, take the kids out, especially after work. I know this is oppisite of what you want but hear me out.

My point is people want what they don,t have. When you take them away from there mother the mother will miss them...well not your wife, but try it any way, what do you have to loose!
Also along this thought proccess, she may get some sence about the fact that she may loose them. 

I just think if you start distancing the family from your roomate/kids mom then hopefully she will get some understanding that the family will not always be around.

So give her a taste....that the family will not always be around for her beckon call by Going out with out her.

Or 

You start making her affair really uncomfortable and inconvienent by giving her grief ..hoping that she leaves the home and you get her for abandonment.
You could try for abandomment now but I doubt youv'e Kept a journal on her comings and goings?

If you want someone to make a change then you have to make a change...every action has a reaction so I suggest you take a new action...a new approach if you will to achieve your quest of tring to get someone to do something they realy don't want to do.

Good luck on re-establishing something that youv'e accepted for a year.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

He can't afford to kick her out which is the problem. He needs her income to make it and she knows it. 

To the OP do you have any plans of how long you are going to live with her like this? Can you divorce her and get child support?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, m- cant afford to kick her out , but can he afford to continue on like he has for the last year?

I lived like this for years and there is a point...a breaking point that just tells you to stand up and make a change...no matter how hard or costly, you/he will get to a breaking point.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Thats why I asked what the plans were. My best friend just caught her husband cheating. She is a homemaker but that isn't stopping her from contacting an attorney this week. She has a pt job, will get child support, will probably lose the house and will have to declare bankruptcy but she isn't going to live with him any longer than she has to.


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## m4thgambit (Jul 2, 2011)

Thank your all for your input. I teach high school and currently on break from teaching summer school. I think I might leave town for a couple of days to maybe show her that can lose them.

I have tried to make her relationship difficult and made her feel guilty but it made it worse. I'm tired of fighting to get her to be around more. She says she could take my girls with her when she's with him but I don't want my girls to be around him. Is that too much to ask?

Financially I think I could squeak by on my own and I don't think she can afford to pay me child support. She can barely make it now even though she's either at my place or his.

Again thank you for your suggestions and I hope to hear more. Wish I would have found this earlier, this really helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

To be clear, you are in an in-house separation due to financial reasons, but not yet divorced, is this correct? And now she's flaunthing the A and basically rubbing it in your face. I'm sure you've cried, begged, and pleaded with her. You've learned the hard way that you cannot guilt trip her into spending more time with you and the children. This is because she's deep in the affair fog. While she's in the fog, she only cares about her feelings toward OM. You and the children are only secondary in her eyes right now.

Now what you can do is find out if the OM is married or has a GF. If he does, expose the A to the wife/gf, and don't tell your WW that you are going to do it. If you do, then OM will conduct damage control and make you out to be a crazy person so that his wife/gf won't take your calls. You can also expose the A to her job, OM's job, and her family and friends. 

With all that said, sooner or later you are going to have to get her to leave. You may have to lower your standard of living, or you can continue to live the way you have been, and watch you WW continue to rub it in your face and your children's faces. Look, I'm basically in the same situation financially. The thing is I'm willing to pull the divorce trigger. That will mean bankruptcy, foreclosure, half my military retirement pay, and child support, basically financial devastation for both of us. But I am willing to pull the divorce trigger because I'm not willing to live that way. You need to decide for yourself how much you are willing to put up with.

In the meantime, read up on the 180 and start detaching from her and strengthening yourself. You cannot make her be with you and the children, accept that. I'll send you a PM concerning the 180. Start following it. Then maybe sometime soon you will be able to get out of the hell of limbo that you and your children are living in.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If you are D., she has no claim, to being in your home---send her on her way---force her to make a decision---her family, or her lover

If you are not D., are you in the process, or just allowing her to rub your nose with her lover, as you both are still actually married---In other words what does ex wife mean, in this situation??????

The one thing that will force their hand is if your wife/ex wife has no money except what she earns, and has to be completely on her own---then she faces some reality---right now you are allowing her to be with the family when she pleases, and be with her lover the rest of the time------that ain't a very healthy situation, for you or the kids, plus she gets to live rent free, but has her lover, and spends time with/and family assets on him

If she is gonna keep this man in her life---you may not have a choice about your kids seeing him---what you can do, is to make sure he has no input with them, and he does not harm them in any way

You do need to stop sitting on your hands and do something, about your future, and it needs to be now----You want the lover out of her life---force her/them into reality, and see where there relationship goes, tho I certainly do not know why you would wanna stay with this woman for one more day, considering what she is doing to you!!!!!!!


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