# opened my eyes finally



## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

I have been ready many posts on this website, and wow has it opened my eyes. My H was doing a lot of things that I didn't understand. I just knew it was hurting me like hell and he kept blaming his behavior on me. I just took it and have been running around trying to make my self better. Only to have him knock me down more.

He talks behind my back to anyone who will listen. Mostly family and x girlfriends. I can't go near his cell phone, he was even sleeping with the thing. He points out all my faults no matter how small and he would make mole hills into mountains. I once was 15 minutes late picking up a child from school because I got held up at work, I called the school and told them I was on my way but was running 15 minutes behind and they said they would keep my child in the office until I got there. He screamed at me for 4 hours about that. 

I could do nothing right. Worked too many hours, not enough hours. I didn't keep the house clean enough. While I was cleaning didn't pay enough attention to the children or him. And on top of that I kinda believed him. I really felt maybe he is right maybe I am a ****ty person. I really didn't tell anyone what was going on. I just took it.

Now I see that he was probably cheating and knocked me down so he wouldn't have to deal with the guilt. And he made others think I was awful so they wouldn't think badly of him either. OMG I feel like such a fool. 

Well I finally had enough of it when he was talking to my sister in law behind my back. I had no idea. I'm not sure if anything happened between them but I think that was his intention. I just don't know how to feel about her. 

He also has been out of the house for 2 weeks now and hasn't seen the kids. We have 4 kids together. He said it was to painful for him to see them or talk to them. I told him he was being a selfish ass and they done nothing wrong and he needed to be in their lives. 

So he is coming to see them tomorrow but I am a little nervous. I did lay down some ground rules. No fighting or arguing . No taking things out of the house. I do not want to talk about our problems during his visit with them. And when it is time to leave he needs to leave. If he does not 'behave himself" we will not be doing this again and he agreed. 

But he has a history of being hot and cold. He loves me one minute hates me the next which can be very hostile. I am starting to have second thoughts. I am not one of those women who uses the kids against the other parent but should I worry about my one safety? 

This set of balls I've grown is new and I am trying to be firm with him. I have been a doormat in the past and don't want to repeat same mistakes because reading what others have written I certainly think he was cheating and multiple times over the years. He swears up and down he hasn't but his behavior says otherwise. 

He also always had "friends" on facebook and x's that he was just 'friends " with. I kicked him out because I was tired of being disrespected and treated like I was nothing. I was tired of defending myself to someone who is supposed to love but hates everything about me. 

Any help here on how to handle the seperation with kids is greatly appreciated


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

File for a legal separation and have proper child custody/visitation so he can't mess up with the law...and you can protect yourself and the kids.

Journal every conversation you have...so you can examine him clearly...

Focus on what your mind telling you be wise...

Don't say anything just listen to him but don't take it seriously...

Look after yourself and the kids...

Be happy without him...


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