# Do I need breast implants?



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Wow, there is a title I never thought I'd use for a thread. That being said, I am noticing a recurrent theme popping up in my life. As the comment is consistent and transcends any given or particular area that I operate in, I believe it must be accurate.

The statement is that "I am intimidating". My office manager says that I am intimidating when she hears me on the phone with an adjuster. I am not threatening or harsh. My comments are just directed and precise. 

I am polite as a lamb, she just notes that I have a "leading style of rhetoric" that makes it hard to argue with me. Phone calls with adjusters are generally very brief and one sided. This is fine with me as life is precious.

*lesson learned: I need to soften my negotiation style

I apparently display the more physical aspects of that trait when I train. I still remember one of my instructors comments when I had finished taking my last mid-term towards third, about 6 months ago. He said that he'd hate to meet me outside of the school. 

I asked about the comment after a later practice and he said basically that I looked pissed. That it seriously looked like I was ready to fight and everyone else who tested pretty much just looked scared. 

*lesson learned: I need to pay greater attention to my non-verbals

Well as for my last relationship, I am in the process of getting divorced, so obviously things didn't go well there. However, my wife used to tell me the same exact thing, and that thing was that I intimidate people. Not her, but definitely other people. 

*Lesson learned: multiple, everything from relax and play more, to listen better, to don't always go for the win. I'm sure there are a few other lessons I will learn as well before it's all said and done.

My practice ended today with a blue belt telling me the same thing. Part of it was honestly the fact he'd just been taken apart by the newest guy on the mat and his pride was seriously hurt. However, part of it was truth.

He said the other guys had taken to calling me "the commando". They said I was "intimidating as hell." Eric informed me that he didn't want to be a d*ck, but he felt that he should tell me the main reason people didn't like to roll with me. 

The reason was: "I'm scary". Today before practice I warmed up on the heavy bags with kicks. I went through my progression from singles to repeats, and is often the case in TKD, I unloaded until my toe bleed and I was sufficiently warmed up. Jujitsu guys don't/can't do that. Perhaps, but TKD fighters do. 

*lesson learned: unsure/ tone down

So what do I do? Obviously, I have developed a somewhat lopsided persona. How do I soften it out? I already like cats, and I'm capable of crying during a sad movie. What else can I do short of breast implants?

I make friends easy. That's not the problem. I'm very competitive, but I loose well. I just won't allow myself to continually loose, so my learning curve is quite steep.

I realize I am probably leaning on my martial arts too much as a stress reducer, but in my mind it beats drinking. I already journal so that helps me stay in touch with my emotions. I tried counseling, but my counselor would always refrain from direct or helpful answers, which isn't well uhm... helpful. If I want mysterious advice, I'd rather eat a fortune cookie.

I've returned to church. I'm staying in touch with my kids. I just don't know where else to take this. I like people and people like me, I'm apparently just not like most of them. I don't really know how else to explain it. I guess that's the problem. 

LIL


----------



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

get the implants bud =D j/k.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

First thing I thought of, was your day in court. I think it's safe to assume that your 'demeanor' came shining through there as well, whether you are/were aware of it or not - and as a result, you were punished by a female in a position of power that felt compelled to teach you a lesson. If your threat level set off the judge, it's little wonder she imagined that your wife likely lived with that fear constantly. I'm not saying you abused your wife, but if she _felt_ intimidated by you (this is what resulted with my spouse at which point she just shut down - she never felt she could win. She was afraid to engage me, so she would shut down instead) the net result is a woman that feels threatened by her spouse.

You're not a humble guy. Nor do I suspect that you have low testosterone levels. I'm not saying this is a bad thing or makes you a pr!ck. But you should absolutely be aware of it.

I used to work for you - or at least the individual you describe. The gentleman was 6'4" and about 240. At age 50 he stood ramrod straight and benched somewhere north of 300 lbs. Dude was jacked. In business, he was a type A on steroids. He intimidated the hell out of people. In his case, it was like a switch he could throw. It was apparent that he had worked hard at _NOT_ coming across as intimidating or threatening. Extremely pleasant demeanor, ready smile, and would usually try to soften his tone by using humor. But the moment he needed to assume control of a situation, or felt challenged - he couldn't suppress his natural state. Temperature in the room would drop 10 degrees, but everyone would start sweating. It was like an aura of aggression. 

He actually used to say, "I'd rather fight, than win." Usually this was in the arena of business negotiation, but I don't doubt that it applied to other areas of his life. 

We got into it on more than one occasion. People were generally shocked that I remained employed. I respected him. He was to me, extraordinarily driven. He was a devoted family man, very religious, and owner of four companies.

If the message you are getting is that 'you look pissed all the time' and being in your presence makes people feel more like they are dealing with a hungry lion than a playful puppy, it is probably worth trying to foster some skills to mask your own aura of aggression.

Maybe start with estrogen shots before going for the boobs?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Great feedback, Deejo.

Lil (you now have a feminine diminutive), your ability to take all this information and respond so thoughtfully makes a great model for others on this site. I'm not surprised with anything you say--heck, you've said you are physically intimidating, and you have been angry for some time, so I assumed you were walking around scaring people these days, if not in general. And you aren't shy about going on the offensive, either. 

As to how people react? Well, if you can really become a gentler or maybe just happier person, great. I'm not big on worrying too much about what others think of us--we don't have a lot of control over that. And I'm not big on "faking" anything. But if cultivating a more relaxed style will help you, go for it. 

Think happy thoughts. Dot your i's with little hearts. Baby steps. ;0

I'll give ya girl lessons if you want, but I may not be the best teacher. I dropped all that "let's be sweet and make other people like us!" BS a long time ago.

Be careful with the female hormones, though--the only time in my life I've felt rage was when I was on birth control pills. 

I hope we have been able to make you smile!


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Tai chi.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

atholk said:


> tai chi.



*-----blasphemer----- *

*-----blasphemer----- *

*-----blasphemer----- *

LIL


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Maybe Atholk meant Chai tea?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Maybe Atholk meant Chai tea?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL


----------



## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Truly I think your physical sports are important, possibly the best thing to balance it would be mental sports. 

Maybe reading or joining a group or whatever to help you understand what it was that your wife was missing from you, it is unlikely it was just that she felt intimidated yet f she did and she knew you for quite some time - perhaps you really do need to look into separating game face from non game time. 

PS - using 'roids to get you breasts will probably defeat the purpose


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Try wearing more pink - maybe some pastels...


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Great advice OMG. I agree gynecomastia isn't the answer. Unfortunately neither is book reading. I run a clinic. I am surrounded by books, journals, and friggin periodicals. If anything the martial arts stuff balances out the "neutering" effect of working in a clinical white collar environment. I am not alone in this. Every place I have every trained has had its fair share of doctor types.

LIL


----------



## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Hmmm... maybe consider getting them as audio CDs. I have a hard time reading as well. Time constraints and it tends to make me fall asleep even if I am truly interested. 

So I try audio CDs instead. I'll give you a heads up warning though. They can be hard to listen too. The reader often does so in a manner I can only equate to *a parent reading to comfort a three year old that has just had a bad dream* while the material may be very worth consideration and hearing ... it can be a painful journey


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

nice777guy said:


> Try wearing more pink - maybe some pastels...


This made me LOL.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dsfg_lover_001 (Jul 4, 2010)

Well to be honest i dont think you don`t need to get a breast implant.This is just my opinion,dont let man to just your body.Thanks for sharing.


----------

