# My wife mad at me after 3sum with another man.



## tommy.shann

The other weekend my wife and I were out at a bar.. my wife got pretty drunk.. she was flirting with this younger guy all night, dancing, etc.. she told me towards the end of the night that the guy invited us to go to his place for more drinks, etc.. I told her he wanted her, we joked, etc.. then I encougared her to tease him, kiss him.. have a little fun.

We got there and one thing let to another.. none of this was PLANNED at all... before I knew it my wife was naked giving him oral.. before long they were having sex... I joined in.

Keep in mind, I was there and saw with mine own eyes.. my wife was the initiator of most of this.. he was kind of shy.. she undid his pants, she undid her pants... she guided him into her.

NOW she is mad as hell at me for letting it happen.. is blaming the whole thing on my.. we have been fighting none stop since it happend.


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## ekygrl

Holy cow! I can't believe you went there...the threesome and his place. Both were STUPID ideas. Why weren't you protecting her? It's pretty disgusting that you went along with it. I mean she was a 33.333% responsible party, but she was also intoxicated, judgment impaired, and the two of you should have gone straight home and never looked back.

You guys are definitely going to need some hefty counselling after this one! I hope the guy wasn't someone you know or could run into. I would never go back to that bar again. Furthermore, you should both probably get tested for STDs. Man, that was really crazy!


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## revitalizedhusband

Were you drunk too?

If you were sober, she should be mad at you.

If you both were drunk then you are both just as guilty.

There's a reason when my wife and I drink 1 will drink and the other will stay sober, so we know we don't do anything stupid.


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## BSHAW27

Don't know any other details of your marriage like has this happened before when she was sober? Do you have an open relationship where you can be with other people?

Different people have different rules for life so I don't want to judge without knowing your rules but I think if you go out with your wife and she gets a little too drunk it is your responsibility as a husband to protect her and make sure she makes SAFE decisions. I think if you both had discussed this in the past and wanted to try it some day it should have been when one of you wasn't super drunk.

Just my 0.02


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## tommy.shann

I was a tipsy.. she was drunk, but not wasted.

We've fantasized from time to time about it, but never talked seriolsuy.. we've never done anything like it before.

She really really seemed to enjoy it! I didn't think she would wake up pissed off.

Is it because I am the man that I should have stopped it.. or because she was drunker than I was?


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## revitalizedhusband

tommy.shann said:


> Is it because I am the man that I should have stopped it.. or because she was drunker than I was?


A little of both.


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## tommy.shann

I really wish she wasn't mad, because it was a fun time... I don't think i have ever been more turned on!

In case you are wondering, he did use a condom with her.


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## BSHAW27

I would say it was a little of both as well. I think as a man you have a responsibility to protect her. But in any situation when two or more people are out getting drunk that if someone is 'less drunk' they have some responsibilty to watch out for someone in the group who has had too much to make smart decisions. This doesn't just apply to husband and wife in my opinion.

I am very happy to hear that a condom was used but knowing that you have not done something like this before or never seriously discussed doing it makes me think you really should have stopped it or pulled her aside to try to talk to her about it to decide if she was making a concious decions to do this before you let it happen.


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## sisters359

She is an adult and has no right to blame anyone for her actions. If she cannot control herself when drinking, she shouldn't drink. It's pretty much that simple. Alcohol is a very poor excuse b/c no one HAS to drink it.


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## tommy.shann

Thanks sister359, that's what I was thinking... you should have seen how quick she was to bend over for this guy and how much she enjoyed it... so I am not sure why I am to blame.

I'm on YIM: tommy.shann - if anyone wants to discuss with me.


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## MarkTwain

tommy.shann-
She is mad at you becuase she feels guilty that she enjoyed it so much. Just wait a while, and her mood will calm down. Do not let her feel judged. That is her worse fear. 

If she keeps bringing it up, just keep saying "I thought we all enjoyed it". Eventually she will calm down.


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## Rattlehead

sisters359 said:


> She is an adult and has no right to blame anyone for her actions. If she cannot control herself when drinking, she shouldn't drink. It's pretty much that simple. Alcohol is a very poor excuse b/c no one HAS to drink it.



Couldnt have said it better myself. I can't stand it when people get drunk, do stupid stuff, and then blame it on the alcohol. If you can't control your actions and especially your sexuality when you get drunk, then you dont need to drink IMO.

As for the original post, I know different people have different beliefs and views about what marriage is.. But in my opinion, wanting a third person involved in sex between you and your wife in the first place goes against everything marriage is about. So its no suprise to me that it brought trouble to your relationship.


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## preso

Not a good idea to play sex games if your not willing to accept the consequences. She is maybe mad because you didn't respond like she thought....

it was a dumb idea all around and not in any way anything that would spell marital bliss ( getting drunk and picking people up at the bar) more so when the ground rules for these type sex games are not well discussed beforehand.
ps, get a STD test.


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## Shoto1984

Tommy,

This is not something someone does out of the blue drunk or not. You say you two had talked about it a bit in the past. Well what you saw was your wife acting on her desires while any inhibitions were pacified. The idea that she flirts with this guy all night and then is aggressive in having sex with him and then want to blame you for it seems a little lame to me. I agree with Mark above. I think she's trying to cover herself by putting it on you. Be supportive and she will get over it. After that probably dont bring it up unless she does....


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## preso

I know people who are in open relationships. The thing with that is they always have agreements and lots of communication about the situation BEFORE they actually do anything or get into threesomes. If your wanting to go that way in your marriage the way TO NOT DO IT is to get drunk and all of a sudden want to play some sexy adventure games. That is not the way.


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## GAsoccerman

I am with Mark on this one...give her time, this is something new and weird, if she came out and said she loved it, you may have a different reaction.

glad you enjoyed it, but now begins the next step...

You still ahve other issues in your life you need to settle from your other posts.


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## JDPreacher

She's mad at you because you're an idiot...and yeah, the condom info was very important, thanks for sharing.

I think she had an ephipany...time for yours.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## pickles2009

preso said:


> I know people who are in open relationships. The thing with that is they always have agreements and lots of communication about the situation BEFORE they actually do anything or get into threesomes. If your wanting to go that way in your marriage the way TO NOT DO IT is to get drunk and all of a sudden want to play some sexy adventure games. That is not the way.


Ok... my guy and I talk dirty in bed, it's a huge turn on. Hell, it might be a GIGANTIC turn on in reality, but...... there is always a but..... feelings of insecurity, unfaithfulness, attractivness and all sorts of other stuff can pop up during and after you take the next step and act on those passions. 

Unless you are completely open and honest about your fantasies when you're talking about them "would you ever really want to do this, or should we just keep it the really great way it is right now, just between us" then when those possibilities come up, you both have to put on the brakes and STOP. You both we're drinking, alcohol is off the table as an excuse. You are both responsible for your own actions. The problem that I am reading here is that you just went along instead of stopping long enough to say to her "ok, this isn't just fantasizing anymore.... there is no going back, good or bad. Are you sure you want to potentially risk great sex with just us in our fantasies for this one night stand"? She's peeved at you that you didn't communicate. It's both of your faults. You encouraged her by telling her to kiss, flirt. You laid an expectation upon her when she wasn't in her finest and most logical hour. She wants to please you sexually so she did it without thinking, regardless of the fact that you both enjoyed it. She's feeling all kinds of guilt and confusion. You need to sit down and talk about it , get both of your feelings out on the table, find out why she is really upset and then go from there. You have to talk about it.


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## tommy.shann

She is definitely coming around.. not nearly as mad... turns out she wasn't all that drunk, she remembers every detail.

We had sex last night, and in the heat of the moment, she admitted that sex with that man was better than she could have imagined it being... she told me that she was wrong to take it ou on me and that she was just feelign realloverwhlemed and confused about it all.

Whoever said she was feeling guilty about liking it so much was dead on... she said something like "I almost wish it was bad.. I mean, meeting a stranger and doing what we did... it shouldn't have been so ubelievably good" -then she smiled and said- "I mean, really really unbelievably good!"


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## BSHAW27

Well I'm glad that this works for you guys. I think the real key is that she wasn't that drunk. Your first post made it seem like she was extremely drunk but then when you described her taking control of the situation with the other guy it seemed obvious that she knew what she was doing. I wouldn't recommend others just go for something like that without serious discussions first but if it worked for you then great. 

Hope things work out


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## preso

tommy.shann said:


> She is definitely coming around.. not nearly as mad... turns out she wasn't all that drunk, she remembers every detail.
> 
> We had sex last night, and in the heat of the moment, she admitted that sex with that man was better than she could have imagined it being... she told me that she was wrong to take it ou on me and that she was just feelign realloverwhlemed and confused about it all.
> 
> Whoever said she was feeling guilty about liking it so much was dead on... she said something like "I almost wish it was bad.. I mean, meeting a stranger and doing what we did... it shouldn't have been so ubelievably good" -then she smiled and said- "I mean, really really unbelievably good!"



Looks like she has been introduced to a new thing...
sex with strangers... and she likes it.

With the internet and all the millions of people on dating sites, she will have great luck in finding as many strangers to have sex with as she wants, no matter if your there or not.
I think you opened a can of worms for yourself.


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## Dancing Nancie

sisters359 said:


> She is an adult and has no right to blame anyone for her actions. If she cannot control herself when drinking, she shouldn't drink. It's pretty much that simple. Alcohol is a very poor excuse b/c no one HAS to drink it.


I agree completely! I am sorry but if you can't handle your alcohol, don't drink. I certainly wouldn't blame anyone if I drank too much and did something I regretted. 

Lord knows in my youth I have woken up hungover thinking what the hell just happened. I certainly didn't look to my friends telling them they were jerks for letting me have sex with someone I didn't want to when I was sober.


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## Greatermindset

preso said:


> Looks like she has been introduced to a new thing...
> sex with strangers... and she likes it.
> 
> With the internet and all the millions of people on dating sites, she will have great luck in finding as many strangers to have sex with as she wants, no matter if your there or not.
> I think you opened a can of worms for yourself.


Well said +1


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## Sharpie

preso said:


> Looks like she has been introduced to a new thing...
> sex with strangers... and she likes it.
> 
> With the internet and all the millions of people on dating sites, she will have great luck in finding as many strangers to have sex with as she wants, no matter if your there or not.
> I think you opened a can of worms for yourself.



So quick to judge. You just implied that she is now a **** and goes around sleeping with other men. The fact that she felt guilty in the first place shows how much she does care for her husband. The turn on was the situation not the sex itself


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## cummin-in-sa

Firstly, she initiated it - so she wanted to get laid by the guy. Dude, she's only angry because now she knows that you know what a *um loving, co&k suc(ing ho she really is. Tell her you don't mind, then go out and do it all again - personally, nothing wrong with it in my mind. Long as you play it safe.


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## Idontknownow

I think your an ass for not stopping her, sobering her up and sitting her down for a long talk.

When I lived with room mates we always would fend off handsy guys or stop or roomies when they got to physical or were asked to go back to the guys place. We all agreed on this before hand that if we were drinking we were in no position to make that kind of decision and would watch each others backs. It's a good thing to because two of my friends actually got slipped date rape drugs on two different outings. You just DON'T KNOW what can happen.

If ya'll had a discussion and agreement before saying that you were both open to this kind of situation thats one thing. But it doesn't sound like that at all.


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## greeneyeddolphin

While I agree that alcohol does not excuse her actions, as she shouldn't drink if she can't control herself, I do also think you do bear some responsibility here. 

I get that you guys had had some previous discussions regarding the possibility of having a threesome. The thing is, though, there had been no firm decision to go forward with it. And I'm inclined to think that part of that is because she maybe wasn't sure she really wanted to do that. She might have felt some guilt and discomfort at the thought of doing it, she might have been worried about how you would feel if you two did it. She might have been afraid you would later think poorly of her or blame her, or even that you might want her to do it all the time, when she only wanted to do it as a one time thing. 

Perhaps I look at it differently; I would never have a threesome, nor would he. We are too jealous to bear even the thought of each other sleeping with someone else. So, to me, it would indicate a serious problem in our relationship if he not only didn't get upset and stop me when flirting with another man, but instead joined in. At the same time, I would also think it indicated a serious problem if I was not only flirting, but attempting to go farther than flirting, with another man. 

I think the best bet for getting past this now is to tell her you were wrong for handling it the way you did and to agree, together, that in the future, if you two (or either of you) is drinking, that things like this will not occur. Agree that any further discussions of threesomes will only take place while completely sober, and that the actual act itself, if it occurs again, will only take place sober, or that drinking will not occur until AFTER the decision has officially been made.


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## lil miss wifey

lol, well I don't know how old r u guys, or what kind of country u live in, but this is a Jerry Springer Show special, and if she get pregnant u guys could go on THE MAURY SHOW, although u guys use condoms, which protects people from everything and yet still people r still getting pregnant and getting std", i'm sorry to comment but the way how ur expressing how she had a great time sounds very stupid to me and if u guys wasn't drunk or tipsy and u guys planned this it would of been a lil less stupid to me, but still u have no respect for ur wife at all.

Imagine a complete stranger according to your post got to tap ur precious wife's ass, and people like to call me immature because I ask stupid questions instead of doing stupid things and then posting about it, i'm not judging u or ur wife but your post doesn't call for an applaud, but again u guys could do what makes yall happy and it didnt sound like a happy ending but ur life ur wife, I think u both should drink and make business cards "free great sex from my wife" LOL


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## avenrandom

Holy necro post guys... Topic died 528 days ago


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## cherrypie18

tommy.shann said:


> the guy invited us to go to his place for more drinks, etc.. I told her he wanted her, we joked, etc.. then I encougared her to tease him, kiss him.. have a little fun.


why is everyone concentrating on how drunk or wrong the wife was and ignoring the comment above? 

I think they completely deserve each other (in a good or bad way it's up to them to decide). He encourages his own wife to tease or kiss a guy who just invited her to screw him and she obliges to her husband's wishes lol I don't get what's the problem here?

There's no good guy bad guy here IMO they're both equally good/bad/stupid whatever they are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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