# OK: Ex requests a clean slate and meeting



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Ex and I have been emailing each other and we will be meeting for coffee one day this week. It will be the first time we have spoken or laid eyes on one another in 6 months.

He has requested a clean slate for both of us. He had done some pretty miserable things and so did I. It was a high school tit for tat. And with two pride-filled and stubborn people: a recipe for disaster.

A clean slate is forgiveness. Something I have been praying for: for myself and ex. I admit I do love him (not told him though) and he has indicated this as well. We are both careful because of the hurt we had caused each other.

I may be moving to the reconciliation forum and that would be a miracle. I have had a few this year after the re-birth by fire. Man, have I learned alot!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sparkles - I don't really know your story that well - but it sounded like you were pretty sure he was a Narcissist and that leaving was the smartest thing you could do.

My STBXW may not quite be the same, but she certainly has a charm about her that she used to keep me near for about 3 years while she carred on EAs and cyber affairs. I always WANTED to believe what she said for the sake of "saving my marriage" - but bottom line is that she's become an untrustful liar.

Just beware that part of you that really wants things to be OK. You've got to work through this one with your heart and your mind to make the right choice.

Either way - keep us posted! And good luck.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

nice777guy:
That was my analysis, not a professional. It was also a way for me to blame him without looking at what I had done. Not that that changes what occurred but I can see the chronological order and I was as much to blame. Miscommunication, misunderstandings, intentionally inflicting hurt: we did this to each other.

However, if it isn't meant to be, I know today that I can live without and recover.

But a friend recently told me, when I was feeling frightened of taking this step:
"If you don't take the risk, you will never know what could have been." And that goes for all of life.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You have your own home and your own life, so long as you have that to fall back on it will be just like dating anyone else. If you need to end it, it will be easier. Don't be hasty in renting out either of your properties, stay independent. Prayer is good but be prepared for any answer, not just the one you think would involve anything being changed.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

homemaker:

No I am staying put and continuing school, meetings and IC. No that is not going to change.

He wanted to schedule meeting for 8am Monday. Emailed that that was a bit early and what about 10am. 

He has something on his mind but won't put it to paper. I am, however, getting the cookbooks!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Oh, the cookbooks!
I remember those.
Sounds like you are safe.
It doesn't hurt to revisit to doublecheck your real-life perceptions.

I don't think I can have any contact with my H.
I'm sure of my decision but the situation is different than yours.
I think I'm not good on this site any more.
For me, there was non-consenting sex acts, multiple times, different formats. Plus the deceit and EA and possible PA, actually there was a PA that I know of, in August. I don't think my situation is really a marital issue any more. More of a criminal one that won't go to trial unless the judge sees through my request for divorce based on 'irreconcilable differences'. Plus my term and my paid work have started, and I have my dancing and movies and want to be able to have time to get out more. I also am leery of posting anything on here in case my H is checking up on me. I think he has trolled once or twice (or more). So, I'm closing the door quietly...
But I'll be thinking of you!


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

homemaker:
I, for one, will miss you.

I know what you mean about leaving the site. For a long time, I read coping with infidelity, now I don't as often, even this is getting fewer views from me.

The most important roadblock that I see in any kind of friendship with this ex is trust. If you cannot trust your friend, they are not a friend.

At this point, I am resigned to continuing my path without encumbrance.

Best wishes for you and thank you for all your advice. We move on in so many different ways but we do move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Did you meet up with him? get your cookbooks?


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Hey Jelly:
Got cookbooks, met him and talked for 4 hours and I have moved over to guess what?

Reconciliation forum

I cannot believe it either. The communication is excellent, the remorse honest, the introspection and analysis thorough. My faults explained, understood, his choices explained, understood.

Going very slowly. I have a golf date with him next Wed.

A new slate.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Such good news, I am very happy for you. It is my dream.


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## Shane Jimison (Sep 1, 2011)

You have taken some wrong decisions in your life. I want to say you best of luck for your future life.


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## carol (Mar 8, 2011)

It is great that you have learned. I think all relationship happen for a reason and when they dissolve it is good to reflect on the good and the bad. Now you know what you want and don't want the next time! Good luck.

This might help too: http:grabyourfreegift.com/carolf 




Sparkles422 said:


> Ex and I have been emailing each other and we will be meeting for coffee one day this week. It will be the first time we have spoken or laid eyes on one another in 6 months.
> 
> He has requested a clean slate for both of us. He had done some pretty miserable things and so did I. It was a high school tit for tat. And with two pride-filled and stubborn people: a recipe for disaster.
> 
> ...


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

People don't really change. Good luck.


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