# Wife calling and texting ex boyfriend



## frank2222

I have been married to my wife for 5 years. 7 years ago when she was my girlfriend (in a committed relationship) I came accross her phone bill and noticed an unusual amount of calls and texts to 1 number. Come to find out it was her ex boyfriend. I told her I don't want that in my life and that she was free to continue that relationship, just without me and broke up with her.
She immediatly proclaimed that she was sorry and that it would never happen again. She also said she told him that it was inappropriate to comunicate with him so much because she is in a committed relationship.

We got married and have 2 beautiful children. have gotten along fine. last week his name came up, and i didn't feel comfortable with the way she was avoiding discussing him. (she had borrowed his truck) I had a suspicion something was up.

I looked at her phone bill for the first time in 7 years and find out they talk at least 5 times a day, and sometimes text up to 20 times a night (while i am working).

I told her I am most upset about the deception on top of doing what she claimed she had stopped doing 7 years ago.

I have a beatiful family and don't want to leave them. I told her I would go to counciling with her and she agreed.

My problem is this (on top of the obvious). She claims she did not think that it would upset me and that she wasn't hiding it from me. She only admits deleteing all of his text messages the week i checked her bill. Claims she doesn't know why she has been doing it, but she didn't think it would bother me when she did it.

I told her I could not move forward with counciling or anything like that unless she could come clean and admit that she did this knowing full well I would be upset. If she can't admit that, then there isn't much to try and salvage from our relationship and I can't build trust for her again.

Is it possible she carried on this way for years, thinking it would not bother me?? Or is she just continuing to lie to minimize the damage of getting caught??


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## A Bit Much

> Is it possible she carried on this way for years, thinking it would not bother me?? Or is she just continuing to lie to minimize the damage of getting caught??


If she knew it wouldn't bother you, it wouldn't have been a secret. That doesn't make sense at all to hide/delete evidence of contact when the person you hide it from is cool with it.



> I told her I don't want that in my life and that she was free to continue that relationship, just without me and broke up with her.


The proof she knew you wouldn't like it is right here ^^^


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## Toffer

frank,

I think it's obvious to you too. She's lying


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## anchorwatch

Trust your gut.


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## EntirelyDifferent

Just out of curiosity, when you guys got back together, did she say she would cut all communication, or just dial it down? I wasn't sure from the way you worded it.

Either way, it sounds like she's lying through her teeth about the whole thing. You broke up with her once over this man, and she doesn't think calls and 20+ texts a day would upset you? 
The deletion of the texts is another big red flag. Unless she habitually deletes her old text messages, there's no reason for her to do that unless she's hiding something.

Did she tell you she was borrowing his truck?


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## WorkingOnMe

Right. Time to DNA test the kids. Seriously, you can't be that naive can you?


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## IsGirl3

she's cheating on you and has been for years. how dare she continue a relationship with her ex, knowing that it was a deal-breaker for you, then make up stupid lies to cover her a$$. She didn't think it would upset you? What a stupid thing to say. She cheated on you before the marriage and still going on it. I don't think MC could save this, even if she did "admit" that she should have know it upset you. What would that admission even mean from a liar?


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## AlphaHalf

> Is it possible she carried on this way for years, thinking it would not bother me?? Or is she just continuing to lie to minimize the damage of getting caught??


No it's not even remotely possible that she thought you wouldn't get mad. Call her out on her [email protected] Plain and Simple. 



> She immediatly proclaimed that she was sorry and that *it would never happen again.*


7 years later...... 



> I looked at her phone bill for the first time in 7 years and find out they talk at least *5 times a day, and sometimes text up to 20 times a night (while i am working)*........My problem is this (on top of the obvious). She claims she did not think that it would upset me and that she wasn't hiding it from me. *She only admits deleteing all of his text messages the week i checked her bill. Claims she doesn't know why she has been doing it, but she didn't think it would bother me when she did it.*



Its "very possible" that she thinks your stupid judging by her answers.


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## F-102

She borrowed his truck, which means she had to see him in person.

I have a sinking feeling that there is much, MUCH MORE to this than you've discovered thus far.


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## Pluto2

Send this over to CWI, you will get lots of good information, support and ideas.
From what you've posted it doesn't look good, I'm sorry.


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## justanaveragejoe

the is no reason to ever keep in contact with an ex, unless they have kids together....im sure this is only the tip of the iceberg, there is much more going on that you are not aware of


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## Aunt Ava

This is bad, very bad. She agreed to no contact 7 years ago, now she regularly calls him 5 times a day and contacts him 20 times a night! While you are working hard to support your family. (How often does she call you?) I am sure you love her but this woman has no respect for you. 

I'm sure she will have some lame excuse that she was lonely, and he understands her...blech! Stand firm in no counseling until there's no contact, no use in wasting your hard earned money. I know you don't want to lose your family, but it sounds like she's already left the marriage.


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## tri_monkey

I am in a similar scenario, and it was helpful to read that my wife isn't the only one that as problems with integrity, denial, communication and ego. 

Kids. I get it...it's hard to disrupt a family life because of the long-term implications and consequences. My wife wants another child, but I will be damned if I rollover with the lies, the ongoing texts, the dysfunctional behavior just to model that behavior in the little ones. 

Big challenge. Big decisions.


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## 6301

What you want to do is put her on the hot seat. Tell her that if she wants to continue this marriage she has to submit to a polygraph test. Find a place that does this, the police dept would give you that information and set up an appointment, don't tell her when and then give the person who is doing the test, the questions you want answered and go from there. If she has something to hide she will refuse the test or make an argument out of it. I f she agrees then you can find out the truth but, in the mean time, she must give up her passwords to her phone and computer including FB and she cannot be allowed to delete anything. Also you can check her phone any time you want. Don't play games because she is taking the high road by telling you that she didn't think you would mind.


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## CH

What 6301 said, Polygraph! BTW, it never stopped, probably been off and on but it's never stopped completely. And she borrowed his car....seriously, if my wife pulled that crap, she's out the damn door or if I tried to pull that on my wife, I would be out the door too now a days.

She could have called you to borrow your car, a family member, a friend (not ex-BF), heck she could have called a cab instead.

It's like the kid with cookie crumbs all over their mouth and at their feet. Did you eat that, NOPE, wasn't me...


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## theroad

Sorry to say this has been a long term affair.

Borrow his truck means she see's him.

Polygraph your WW.

DNA test the kids.

Check phone bills back as many years as you can. If possible to the first time you discovered her contacting her OM. Chances are that she never stop contacting him.


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## bandit.45

*ZOMBIE THREAD.*

Frank never came back.


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> *ZOMBIE THREAD.*
> 
> Frank never came back.


If you bury them at the pet cemetery they come back.


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