# My husband lied about getting fired. He actually quit



## newlymarried2014 (Mar 26, 2014)

My husband and I were on vacation this past weekend and he kept responding to his work emails on Saturday night....which I had previously asked for no business calls or emails during our dinner. I guess his boss said something he found to be rude and they had had a couple of back and forth emails. He told me that he would not be surprised if he would get fired on Monday morning. Monday morning came and he went to work....only to be home 2 hours later saying they let him go.

When he arrived home he told me that once he got his termination agreement he would let me look it over, as I have a legal background. He carried on about how upset he was. Well, fast forward 2 hours later and he had left his laptop up and open with the contract on the screen. so I took a peak at it and it said that he sent in an email resignation on that Saturday night, while we were at dinner.

I then confronted him about what the agreement said. He said it was the reason for this issue was because his boss misunderstood his email and thought he wanted to resign but even after he explained that is not what he really meant, his boss still felt it would be best if he just left.

Then I get a phone call from a friend who works with him. He sent another co-worker a text at 9pm on that Saturday night that he resigned and was so happy about it. the email to resign was sent at dinner while I was sitting right next to him. He mentioned nothing. we spoke at dinner in great length about how unhappy he is at his job (which I do agree is a horrible job with terrible hours) and we agreed that once I find a job (I got laid off and have been looking for the past 6 months) then he can finally quit and look for something. We discussed and discussed and discussed some more about how we are a team and we make all of these important decisions together. He pinky swore that he would not quit till he found something else or I found a job. ALL LIES

when I confronted him about him quitting his job...again for the second time, with evidence of an actual screenshot of the text he sent, he tried to turn it around on me saying that I can not handle things and I get upset too easily. 

I have no idea how to handle this. Advice please

Also, this is not the first time I caught him lying about something important. I was just at the point where I was starting to trust him again


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I don't think I could be married to a liar. Trust is really important to me.

Doesn't sound like he's willing to take any responsibility for his lies to you. Are you sure you want to stay with him? How do you work with someone who can't even admit they have a problem?


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

Why would he lie if he was, in fact miserable? Why wouldn't he talk it over with you, get your support for his decision and then just quit?

Maybe he just didn't want to face wrath? Not accusing - just asking.

Maybe you both should try REALLY hard get this behind you, and celebrate that he left a sh**ty job.

On the other hand, lying over and over is a BIGGIE...


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## newlymarried2014 (Mar 26, 2014)

Well, I would like to celebrate him leaving a terrible job BUT now we both don't have jobs and no money coming in. My unemployment ends in 2 weeks and he does not qualify for any. We have a mortgage and bills, not to mention his very expensive truck that he is underwater on, that we can not just get rid off. We have a little savings but not much. We spent a lot on our trip last week that was supposed to be our honeymoon. He spends like a drunken sailor and I like to save. If it wasn't for me clipping coupons and looking for deals, then we would not even have the little cushion that we have


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

newlymarried2014 said:


> Well, I would like to celebrate him leaving a terrible job BUT now we both don't have jobs and no money coming in. My unemployment ends in 2 weeks and he does not qualify for any. We have a mortgage and bills, not to mention his very expensive truck that he is underwater on, that we can not just get rid off. We have a little savings but not much. We spent a lot on our trip last week that was supposed to be our honeymoon. He spends like a drunken sailor and I like to save. If it wasn't for me clipping coupons and looking for deals, then we would not even have the little cushion that we have


Sounds like he's pretty irresponsible to me.

Make some hard and fast demands and stick to them. He may well be operating in the "everything's going to be okay" mode with blinders on. 

He needs to get those off and look at reality!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Are you sure you want to stay with him? He does not seem very responsible. Do you always want to have to be the responsible one?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

newlymarried2014 said:


> He spends like a drunken sailor and I like to save. If it wasn't for me clipping coupons and looking for deals, then we would not even have the little cushion that we have


Lies aside.. loosing his job aside.. A saver who cares to have money for a rainy day married to what you describe here.. Good Luck.. I'm a Saver, I'd see a man like this as my mortal enemy if he frivolously wasted his money & Bill collectors started calling....

You don't buy a new truck then decide.. "Oh my job is too hard".. you stick it out (unless dire circumstances arise) till you secure another job...

The Hiding/ Lying is not acceptable.. but neither is his work ethic and spending habits, considering.. more than a few issues here.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Does he lie about everything or is this a one time event?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

newlymarried2014 said:


> Also, this is not the first time I caught him lying about something important. I was just at the point where I was starting to trust him again


Wolf, did you see this?


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Goodness! Why on Earth did you marry this man???


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You married a liar and a fool. Not sure how you would handle such a situation. There's not really a lot you can do other than protect yourself. You'd be wise not to get into any debt with him, and to put a little money aside that he can't touch. You have a hard road ahead of you.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

You married a liar, but you both made a foolish financial decision. How in the world can you go on vacation when you owe more on a truck than its worth? Get Dave Ramsey book "the total money makeover" you're gonna need it married to a liar or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

He lied because he knew what he was doing was wrong. The ridiculous part is he had to know the truth would come out eventually. Getting fired, unless it's for misconduct, generally means you're eligible for severence and eventually unemployment insurance. When he couldn't produce that you would have tweaked to the fact he in fact quit. It was only a matter of time.

His actions with you lead me to believe that perhaps the work situation was not entirely the fault of his employer either. 

Personally, I never had the courage to quit on "principle". If I hated my job that much I laid low at work while I went about finding a new job.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Seems like you really need MC to try to save this marriage. I'm sure your trust is destroyed and you will need help to get over this. Do you want to stay with him? Does he want to stay with you? This would definitely come under the "for better or worse" category but I would say its worth a try to save your marriage. Financial counseling would probably help a lot too.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jld said:


> Wolf, did you see this?


I didn't I missed this....leave him


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

My ex hb did the same thing!! Except he got fired.. and didn't tell me. He still went to work every day, but he was working construction for his brother when he was letting me think he was still going to the old employer. 

Two weeks went by and I got a call from his HR person asking me if he wanted to sign up for COBRA. Imagine my shock!!

I was pretty angry. And there was other things he lied about. It was because he thinks I overact and get so angry. Still no excuse!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Does he lie about everything or is this a one time event?


I think this question is important.

Quitting/losing a job can be rather embarrassing to him. 

He might have just processed what actually happened and not feel too good about it either.....which just adds to the stress.

Trust me, he knows EXACTLY how screwed you guys are, but wants you to not worry about it.

I think answer to above question is important before further advice. I wouldn't go as far as saying "don't ever trust him again or divorce" him just yet........I think that's a bit extreme.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Added to say in this situation, he is a bit of a jerk for doing this when you have no income yourself. What does he say he is going to do about a job now? I would advise mc for the lieing issue before just flat out leaving him.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Your husband doesn't feel that he quit at all. He went in Monday morning to backtrack his email from Saturday and was told too bad, he can't come back. In his mind, he feels that he was fired.

All this really is just the straw that broke your marriage. I think you're just done. It really doesn't matter if he quit or got fired or even if he lied. You're just done with him.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

newlymarried2014 said:


> Well, I would like to celebrate him leaving a terrible job BUT now we both don't have jobs and no money coming in. My unemployment ends in 2 weeks and he does not qualify for any. We have a mortgage and bills, not to mention his very expensive truck that he is underwater on, that we can not just get rid off.  We have a little savings but not much. We spent a lot on our trip last week that was supposed to be our honeymoon. He spends like a drunken sailor and I like to save. If it wasn't for me clipping coupons and looking for deals, then we would not even have the little cushion that we have


I just read this. Hate to say it but it doesn't sound like your husband is very mature and responsible. Im not sure mc will help. Financial stress in a marriage is a killer especially when one person is not taking it very seriously and is not doing anything about it.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

AND you are newly married in 2014? YIKES


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

Looks to me like he was about to be fired. It is common practice at my company to allow someone to resign versus having to fire them - we still let them collect unemployment. If you think about it, with the amount of lawsuits about wrongful termination, most companies would rather just have the employee resign (in certain circumstances) versus fire them with the possibility of a lawsuit. This is especially true if the person was actually an ethical person but just was just not cut out to do the job he had. If, however, the person was just plane lazy, had a bad temper, harassed someone – we just would build the case and fire them period. If your husband files for unemployment and the company does not protest - then this was the case – they asked him to resign. If you husband does not file - or they do protest - then this was not the case and your husband was stupid to resign as he cannot even collect unemployment which means your husband has some real issues going on that he needs counseling on.

If he really was let go (fired) then this can be really devastating to one’s ego – so I would suggest loving and supporting your husband - he needs it. This is not the end of the world and if he is someone who has potential, he will learn from this experience and move on.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Jeez, I hate my job too......but as a single mom, I surely am not just going to up and QUIT. 

The lie is bad enough. The irresponsibility is worse. Figure out what you want/need out of life and head that direction. With or without him.


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

Usually (*), when there is trouble in a marriage, two people are at fault. Not equally at fault of course, but at fault just the same. 

You will save yourself a ton of heartache and trouble if you can take a step back from a disagreement, do some soul searching for your part of the mess, and then own up to it FIRST. Yes, before he's done the same on his end.

This almost always prompts the other person to slow down their attack (or stop it altogether), and then apologize for their part of the mess, too. 

It's super hard at first. I know - it really is! When emotions get stirred up, we don't see things rationally - we just feel the huge impact of our own pain and fear. That makes it difficult to self-examine. It took me quite a while to get good at it. Took a little longer for my spouse to get good at it. But it was worth the trouble - now we are both eager to take responsibility for our faults after a disagreement, and to come back together. Now, it comes naturally.

I know lying is bad, and your husband was wrong for doing it. I bet he knows that too...but he's afraid to "give an inch" because he perceives you are still angry at him. He has to defend himself. 

It also seems that he believes he wouldn't lie to you if you were able to "handle" the bad news. Do you think there's any merit in that? Have you noticed other people in your life avoiding being totally truthful with you, because you'll react in anger? If so, this is a good time to think that over and ask yourself if you can take responsibility for creating a "truth-hostile" environment at home. That's something that you could apologize for, which might pave the way toward a more honest relationship with your spouse, which I'm sure you want.

I'm not condoning lying. Lying is wrong. I have told lies myself, though, especially when I was younger and afraid of upsetting people, so I can tell you what helps and what doesn't help when you are dealing with a liar. Being supportive and calm when dealing with bad news helps a ton. Being explosive, or emotionally volatile, makes the lying MUCH more likely to recur. I'm not blaming you...lying is HIS problem...but there are things you can do to help him become more honest...or make it much harder for him. 

(*) Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. Some people are angels, some demons, and sometimes they marry each other. If I'm honest, though...I'm not an angel. If you are, good for you!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

newlymarried2014 said:


> My husband and I were on vacation this past weekend and he kept responding to his work emails on Saturday night....which I had previously asked for no business calls or emails during our dinner. I guess his boss said something he found to be rude and they had had a couple of back and forth emails. He told me that he would not be surprised if he would get fired on Monday morning. Monday morning came and he went to work....only to be home 2 hours later saying they let him go.
> 
> When he arrived home he told me that once he got his termination agreement he would let me look it over, as I have a legal background. He carried on about how upset he was. Well, fast forward 2 hours later and he had left his laptop up and open with the contract on the screen. so I took a peak at it and it said that he sent in an email resignation on that Saturday night, while we were at dinner.
> 
> ...


Just want to make sure that I understand the sequence of events correctly...

1. He got into a heated exchange w/ his boss over dinner this past Saturday evening and, at the end of it, tendered his resignation.

2. After doing ^this, he sent a text to a co-worker saying how relieved he felt at having resigned.

3. He had all day Sunday to think about what happened, went in on Monday morning, and attempted to rescind his resignation.

4. His supervisor thought it best that he go ahead and leave. So, while he resigned, he was kind of (and yet not quite) fired all the same.

Is this more or less correct?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Faeleaf said:


> Usually (*), when there is trouble in a marriage, two people are at fault. Not equally at fault of course, but at fault just the same.
> 
> You will save yourself a ton of heartache and trouble if you can take a step back from a disagreement, do some soul searching for your part of the mess, and then own up to it FIRST. Yes, before he's done the same on his end.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Excellent post. Shows humility and leadership. :smthumbup:


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