# Sexual Rejection Hurts Like H*ll



## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

Hi everyone, I am new here. I'm female and have been married for 14 years, together as a couple for 22. 

I am reluctant to initiate sex with my husband because he has rejected me so many times throughout our relationship. I've never rejected him because I love sex and I don't have the heart to do it. I feel like if he wants connection and intimacy, I want to give it to him. 

He is very affectionate with me and he does really nice things for me all the time. And he is a power house lover. But it's all on his terms. If I roll over toward him in the morning to hug him, I get no reaction. So I feel conditioned not to bother trying. Same with initiation of sex. I get rejected if I initiate. I thought I was terrible at giving bjs because he doesn't react. He's the only man I've ever given a bJ too and I kept researching how to do it better. He said it was fine. He's just a cold fish when he's receiving. 

Now I see this as a control issue for him. He's controlling the affection. He's a giver. And not so great on receiving. His mother never hugged him or told him she loved him. 

I'm a love and be loved kind of gal. I'm all in. 

I'm in my mid 40s now and my sex drive is slowing down and I am exhausted. But it was my birthday and I was looking good (I still get hit on by men so it's not because I let myself go) and feeling good and I felt horny and wanted my husband. I needed my husband. And he rejected me because he was too tired. I get that he's tired. I'm tired too. But I don't have the heart to reject him. And I never regret having sex with him because he's great. But it's all on his terms. 

My needs aren't being met. And I don't like him being able to control when and how I get affection. What do I do?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Unless you can start rejecting him and make it stick, you will never have any control over your sex life. It will always be on his terms. I doubt that counseling will make any difference - he has no incentive to change. Give him one first. Aside from this one issue, it sounds like a good marriage. Only you can take actions that will make it better - but it may have to get worse first.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Have you sat your husband down and talked with him about your needs not being met?


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

karole said:


> Have you sat your husband down and talked with him about your needs not being met?


Oh yeah. Many times. His solutions was that we would go to bed earlier to have sex so we could go to sleep at our normal time. On my b-day I said let's go to bed early. He agreed. He cuddled with me but was too tired for sex. When I spoke to him the next morning about it nicely. He got defensive and fled. We're not really talking except for pleasantries right now.


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

Winter Storm, that's gotta be frustrating for you. I get how you feel. I'm not quite sure what to tell you. It makes no sense when a husband rejects his wife's advances. Usually it's the other way around. The only things I can think is that maybe he's getting it somewhere else or he has a low sex drive due to decreased testosterone. I had low T a few years ago and am now on testosterone injections.....what a world of difference! 
Also, possibly his "love language" isn't touch or intimacy. I suggest reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman to get an idea.
I wish you the best. Keep us informed.


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> Unless you can start rejecting him and make it stick, you will never have any control over your sex life. It will always be on his terms. I doubt that counseling will make any difference - he has no incentive to change. Give him one first. Aside from this one issue, it sounds like a good marriage. Only you can take actions that will make it better - but it may have to get worse first.


It is a good marriage and he is a good guy. I do think he has some issues with control though. 

Thank you. I was looking for a strategy. I'm too available, too willing. 

The person who cares the least wins.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Why didn't you have children?


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

AlphaMale74 said:


> Winter Storm, that's gotta be frustrating for you. I get how you feel. I'm not quite sure what to tell you. It makes no sense when a husband rejects his wife's advances. Usually it's the other way around. The only things I can think is that maybe he's getting it somewhere else or he has a low sex drive due to decreased testosterone. I had low T a few years ago and am now on testosterone injections.....what a world of difference!
> Also, possibly his "love language" isn't touch or intimacy. I suggest reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman to get an idea.
> I wish you the best. Keep us informed.


I know. There are so many men in loved starved relationships that would kill to have a wife like me, right? And no lie, I would love to take a sex starved man and light his fire. (that's my fantasy) 

My husband likes sex. And he initiates sex with me. I think when I initiate sex and intimacy it puts too much pressure on him. I love lingerie and it gets him going, but when he's not interested in sex it's like he doesn't see me. 

Men!


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

LongWalk said:


> Why didn't you have children?


We did. We have two. They are pre-teens now.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> Unless you can start rejecting him and make it stick, you will never have any control over your sex life. It will always be on his terms. I doubt that counseling will make any difference - he has no incentive to change. Give him one first. Aside from this one issue, it sounds like a good marriage. Only you can take actions that will make it better - but it may have to get worse first.


This is good advice, but it could get worse? It does give you control, but what happens is you risk him negating sex all together. My wife has been a "take it or leave it" for the past several years and it had to be an allotted time before bed, to not disrupt her sleep as well. I quit trying and the months without piled on, before I caved in. She was still content. Being in a one sided sexual relationship will wear you down, as it has me and eventually you'll lose interest all together. I've tried to tell my wife that having sex and having a sexual relationship are two different things. Just because they "throw you a bone" every once in awhile doesn't make a sexual relationship. She hates talking about it as well. I've learned to mostly cuddle and show other affection. I'm 50 and she is 46.
Start cutting him off and see what happens and force him to inquire what's going on? It can't hurt?


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

woundedwarrior said:


> This is good advice, but it could get worse? It does give you control, but what happens is you risk him negating sex all together.
> Start cutting him off and see what happens and force him to inquire what's going on? It can't hurt?


Thank you. I've cancelled date night with him tonight. And I'm returning the victoria's secret slip thing (the one HE liked) that I bought myself for my birthday. And I'm doing a modified 180. 

I'm pretty sure he'll act like he doesn't notice or care. He can do indifferent like nobody when he wants to. So I'll end up frustrated. And our connection will slowly die.

I think it's sad. I really hate unnecessary heartache and bs. I really don't think love and sex should be so difficult.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening winterstorm
Do I understand correctly that sex is OK and he initiates, but that he never lets you initiate? Or is it bad even when he starts things?

Being rejected by your partner is really awful (as I and many others on this board know). I've only rejected my wife a couple of times in 30 years - and those were for really extreme situations. 

In may cases like this, one person doesn't want sex at all, but with you it seems like he does - just only on his schedule. Is it possible that he things it is "wrong" for women to initiate?


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening winterstorm
> Do I understand correctly that sex is OK and he initiates, but that he never lets you initiate?


Yes. It's very good when he initiates. I have multiple orgasms from oral (I hope that's not too graphic I'm trying to paint a picture of what it's like) and he is incredible--loving and giving. 

He doesn't seem so comfortable with receiving. I would really like to return the favor. He's like a dead fish when I try. No reaction. I thought I sucked at sex for a really long time. I tried all these new techniques and he was like "I like the way you've always done it" and I was like "You do? You just lie there with no reaction." It got to the point where I didn't want to give him a bj becaue I thought I was so bad at it no matter what. He finally started making some noises but only because I brought it up. 

I really don't think he feels deserving of love to be honest. Which is bs because he's an awesome person! I am paying the price because his idiot parents never loved him or showed him affection.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Winter Storm said:


> Thank you. I've cancelled date night with him tonight. And I'm returning the victoria's secret slip thing (the one HE liked) that I bought myself for my birthday. And I'm doing a modified 180.
> 
> I'm pretty sure he'll act like he doesn't notice or care. He can do indifferent like nobody when he wants to. So I'll end up frustrated. And our connection will slowly die.
> 
> I think it's sad. I really hate unnecessary heartache and bs. I really don't think love and sex should be so difficult.


It shouldn't be so difficult.

I don't think the 180 will work in your sitch. You've talked with your H, you've begged for more affection and you've explained to him how much it hurts to be rejected. He has listened and heard you?

What if you two found a work around for his need to control sex? What if you two sat down together and negotiated acts of affection and you got him to agree to give a set amount of daily affection, whatever was within his comfort level?

What if, when you do get rejected for sex, you stated the obvious for him. "I just tried to get some loving going and you rejected me and now I'm hurt and angry." Saying this removes his blinders to his "excuses." What man can claim himself loving when he routinely hurts his wife?

Control is a mind game where the true feelings are hidden by lies or blurring reality. Remove the lies and state reality for what your truth is.

His truth is if he gives you what you want, when you want it, he will loose control and if he looses control he will loose you.

Your truth is that if he doesn't return your need for affection and physical closeness he will loose you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Winter Storm said:


> Yes. It's very good when he initiates. I have multiple orgasms from oral (I hope that's not too graphic I'm trying to paint a picture of what it's like) and he is incredible--loving and giving.
> 
> He doesn't seem so comfortable with receiving. I would really like to return the favor. He's like a dead fish when I try. No reaction. I thought I sucked at sex for a really long time. I tried all these new techniques and he was like "I like the way you've always done it" and I was like "You do? You just lie there with no reaction." It got to the point where I didn't want to give him a bj becaue I thought I was so bad at it no matter what. *He finally started making some noises but only because I brought it up. *
> 
> I really don't think he feels deserving of love to be honest. Which is bs because he's an awesome person! I am paying the price because his idiot parents never loved him or showed him affection.


That's incredibly sad. But there is some hop in what you've written here. The bolded part suggests he is trying.


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> It shouldn't be so difficult.
> 
> I don't think the 180 will work in your sitch. You've talked with your H, you've begged for more affection and you've explained to him how much it hurts to be rejected. He has listened and heard you?
> 
> ...


I hear what you're saying. I hate the games. I think he's created what he fears--which is that I really don't love him like he loves me. Goes back to his cold parents. 

I'm anything but cold. I'm friggin' wear my heart on my sleeve, let's work this out right away so we can go back to having a good life. I hate this bs.

I keep thinking of him going to a lawyer and saying "I want a divorce, my hot sexy wife asked me for sex." 

Such problems!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Winter Storm said:


> My needs aren't being met. And I don't like him being able to control when and how I get affection. What do I do?


I can't tell you what you should do. 

In my case, very similar to yours, I had to accept that this was the dynamic in my marriage. If sex was going to be a part of our relationship, it was going to be on her terms - the when, the where, the how, even the why. 

Changing this situation in any marriage is difficult and has a very high failure rate, so you have to decide if you want to fight for what you want for a very long time with a low probability of success, accept things for what they are and take small victories where you can find them, or decide it's not for you.

I would like to save you the time and effort of searching high and low for a solution that probably doesn't exist, but that might be too cynical. Just be realistic about your chances of changing things to get what you want.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

This is a true need of yours.

You have communicated it clearly and given him many chances to meet it.

Instead, he has ignored your requests or outright refused.

Personally, I do not think this is what someone who really loves you does.

Maybe he loves an idea about you, but not the true you.

That is a painful thing to process.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I wonder what would happen the next time you initiate and he rejects you, if you were to then start masturbating right there while he lay next to you?


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I think it's sad. I really hate unnecessary heartache and bs. I really don't think love and sex should be so difficult.[/QUOTE]

Amen to that. I personally think that when a spouse begins to treat sex as an activity that requires extra energy, possible loss of sleep etc., instead of an act of growing and feeling close to their spouse, with a side effect of extreme pleasure, then your sex life is basically dead. It will always hurt, but eventually you adapt to it. Giving in to "duty sex" is like eating a cracker instead of a steak dinner. It will keep you alive, but will never satisfy what you truly crave.
Contrary to popular belief, leaving doesn't solve the problem. Marriage is a "roll of the dice", with no guaranteed winners. I've learned to focus on our strong points, while still trying to work on our lesser ones, which really is just to humor myself, because it's like talking to a wall.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Winter Storm said:


> I hear what you're saying. I hate the games. I *think he's created what he fears--which is that I really don't love him like he loves me. *Goes back to his cold parents.
> 
> I'm anything but cold. I'm friggin' wear my heart on my sleeve, let's work this out right away so we can go back to having a good life. I hate this bs.
> 
> ...


The bolded part is true for everyone. We can't love in a vacuum. It must be returned in sufficient quality and quantity or it dies.

I hope you're being completely honest with him about your feelings so he has a clear line of sight for his future if he can't take some steps toward meeting your need for love.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

WS
Try sexting with him during the day. A little naughty/flirty talk maybe a topless pic. Something to get him thinking about you. When he comes home, meet him with a nice long kiss. If he goes for a shower, jump in with him. Maybe he'll figure it out and initiate, even though you made him think he initiated.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear Winter Storm;

Sexual Rejection does hurt. I have been there.

What I can tell you from my experience is that you can not change a spouse. All you can do is change yourself so that your spouse is forced to interact with you differently.

From what I have read, you have gotten lots of great advice.

I would like to offer a couple of observations.

First, you know your H better than anyone else, so trust some of your instincts. Read some of the things you have said about him.



Winter Storm said:


> ...I am reluctant to initiate sex with my husband because he has rejected me so many times throughout our relationship.
> 
> ...Now I see this as a control issue for him. *He's controlling the affection.* He's a giver. And not so great on receiving. *His mother never hugged him or told him she loved him*.
> 
> ...And *he rejected me because he was too tired*. I get that he's tired. I'm tired too. But I don't have the heart to reject him. And I never regret having sex with him because he's great. *But it's all on his terms*.





Winter Storm said:


> ...*His solutions was that we would go to bed earlier to have sex* so we could go to sleep at our normal time. On my b-day I said let's go to bed early. He agreed. He cuddled with me *but was too tired for sex.* When I spoke to him the next morning about it nicely. He got defensive and fled. We're not really talking except for pleasantries right now.





Winter Storm said:


> ...My husband likes sex. And he initiates sex with me. I think *when I initiate sex and intimacy it puts too much pressure on him*. *I love lingerie and it gets him going, but when he's not interested in sex it's like he doesn't see me*. Men!





Winter Storm said:


> Yes. It's very good when he initiates...
> 
> ...*He doesn't seem so comfortable with receiving*. I would really like to return the favor. He's like a dead fish when I try. No reaction. I thought I sucked at sex for a really long time. I tried all these new techniques and he was like "I like the way you've always done it" and I was like "You do? You just lie there with no reaction." It got to the point where I didn't want to give him a bj becaue I thought I was so bad at it no matter what. He finally started making some noises but only because I brought it up.
> 
> ...


First for a long time in my marriage, my wife constantly rejected me and said she was too tired. 

What I would like to suggest that you think about is that he may really be very very tired. He may also have a slight amount of ED at times. If that is the case, then maybe he initiates every time he is not tired and/or can get it up. Maybe on those times that you initiate and he is either exhausted or not up for it, he declines rather than confront the real situation. Denial is a real major issue in most marital problems. I suspect that there is some real denial going on here.

Another alternative is to figure out how you can get the sex you need from the man you love when you need it. "Sex" does not always need to involve vaginal intercourse. You said that he likes it when you wear lingerie. That is a start and something to work with. When you want to initiate can you mentally prepare yourself so you are in a mental state that you are "exploring the potential" for mating with your man rather than bearing your heart while fearing rejection? 

The sex therapist that counceled my wife and me said that ideally sex should be fun, child-like, playful, and exploratory. She advised us that some people self medicate with alcohol to get in that state, but it is better if you don't because it can interfer with a man's ability to perform. 

When you want to initiate, can you put your emotions on hold and get your mind into a "playful, exploratory" mode? If you can then when you play if it works, great, if it doesn't work it doesn't and you need to tell yourself that the next time it may.

If I were you I would work on talking to your H about what fulfills him. He probably doesn't want to talk about his childhood, but you seem to know quite a bit about it and how it may impact his ability to relax and sexually play with his wife. 

Talking to him about how to make sex more playful for him, what you can do to make it more playful might help a lot. If it is playful, it is just that play and what happens may or may not lead to orgasm or intercourse, but it will be fun and love building. If he views it as play, then his performance fears may disappear. 

My 2 cents. Again, rejection hurts a lot and my heart goes out to you. However, what you feel as rejection may not be what he is trying to communicate to you, it just may be the side product of the way he is trying to deal with past feelings, exhaustion or mild ED. Good luck.


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

Thanks for all the helpful replies. I appreciate it. Lots of good info and ideas and many different directions to take. I'm going to step back to think about which direction I want to go with this. 

Thanks again.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

Mrs Storm,

This sounds like the dynamic between my wife and I, but with roles reversed. I hurt badly when rejected and when playful touches and flirts are not returned. She also is 'too tired'. 

So yes, Sexual Rejection Hurts Like H*ll.... Many of us feel it


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Winter Storm said:


> It is a good marriage and he is a good guy. I do think he has some issues with control though.
> 
> Thank you. I was looking for a strategy. I'm too available, too willing.
> 
> The person who cares the least wins.


How often do the two of you have sex?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get the book "Divorce Busting". I think it has suggestions that will help you. 

In the book the author talks about using a 180 to get change in your marriage. She is not talking about the 180 given out here on TAM for betrayed spouses to use. That is not what your marriage needs. Instead she is using the term "180" to mean for you to act exactly the opposite from what your husband expects. The book goes into it in detail. So the book talks about developing a 180 that is customized to your needs.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Winter Storm said:


> Hi everyone, I am new here. I'm female and have been married for 14 years, together as a couple for 22.
> 
> I am reluctant to initiate sex with my husband because he has rejected me so many times throughout our relationship. I've never rejected him because I love sex and I don't have the heart to do it. I feel like if he wants connection and intimacy, I want to give it to him.
> 
> ...


How do you initiate? Is it a "let's have sex" type of thing, or just put on a nightie type of thing? Or do you work in slowly with touching, etc?

It's not that the "let's have sex" or "I'm horny" thing typically won't work for a guy, but I do find personally as I get older, I need to build up to it. If nothing else, a "mental build up" to where I'm ready to initiate. I usually have a lot of different thoughts (stresses) occupying my head space! Often, if she just says "let's phuck" or she just moves in for the kill, lol, I can't just flip that switch, and get into sex the way I should. And yes, I've "rejected" her a fair amount over the years as a result with a "maybe in a little while" or something like that. 

It's not that I don't love sex, or love sex with her. It is that I need to have my head in the game!

She's female, so I also think she doesn't "get it" sometimes. She'll indicate she wants sex, and we'll start warming up. As I'm touching her, working up slowly, she'll get impatient and try to pull me on top with a "I want it in me" or I want you to phuck me now please!" type of thing. Problem is, she's at max rpm, and I'm only just getting warmed up. And it usually results in frustration for me, and a less than enthusiastic lovemaking session on my part. 

I've told her, I'm "not 20 anymore, and don't turn on like a switch anymore". I think her female brain just does not compute that. 

What does work is when I've been focusing on it or thinking about it, and I initiate when my head is in it. It is not about control, or any deep seated issue of my past, or me "getting it somewhere else", or her attractiveness (she's very attractive). 

What also works is for her to just initiate slowly. Laying on couch or bed just watching TV. Without a word, if she just starts touching me in "good areas", slowly getting a "rise" out of me...giving it a few minutes, it is ON! 

There is a huge difference, let's say, in me sitting on the couch, and her just moving in for a bj, as compared to sitting on the couch, her head in my lap, as she starts touching my leg, groin, lightly touching and fondling for a minute or two. Let me slowly get my head in it! Don't expect me to just "turn on" in an instant at the mere suggestion. The "excitement" is somewhat gone over the years together, and with age...so GET me excited THEN move in!

Just putting on a nightie may not work if my head isn't already headed in that direction. Not that she doesn't look great or sexy!

Almost like a role reversal sometimes as we get older I think. 

Try the above a few times. Say nothing (so maybe he doesn't feel pressured to "perform"), but physically start getting him worked up until you start getting a positive response.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Your husband is bored! Neither of you are monogamous animals. You are more promiscuous by design then him. You are design to have more sex then him. No man can actually satisfy you sexually. You are multi-orgasmic and can have sex for hours. He only last few minutes with out hard concentration on his part. Its a lot of work for him after 22 years. Do not blame him or yourself. Human nature will drive you towards sex with other males. Our culture will use shame and threats to keep you in line. There is hope but its going to take some work. 

If you can use fantasies here is what you need to know. Find the fantasy that works for you and him. Your going to have to use porn or some form of erotica. What actually turns men. A women moaning during sex. Men can here women moaning better than a baby crying! Women moan during sex to turn on there partners and to attract other males. Good porn for man has real sexual moaning. Sperm competition makes men horny. What is that? The male response to women having sex it to want to have sex with her and compete at the sperm level. The internet statistics demonstrates this fact. The most searched and watch porn is two guys and on girl. The head of the male penis designed to pull sperm out and gets 95%. The fastest growing porn fetish is "Hotwife" or "Cuckold." Males are design to compete to impregnate you. Society teaches jealous so be careful. 

When you watch porn your going to get excited by seeing a hard penis, even if you where a lesbian. Human nature insures you are ready for sex when you see a hard penis. The rape fantasy lots of women have is actually a survival instinct for being raped. If you were raped and didn't get wet, you risk tearing, bleeding and infection leading to death. 

Most likely your husband introduction to the pleasure sex was by viewing porn and masturbating to it. Humans learn sex by imprinting and the males it becomes a driving force in there sexuality. Most likely he likes porn more than he will ever tell you. 
Watch porn together and remember what moaning does, slowing guide him towards threesomes and watch him get excited! 

Stop playing games! Don't use hearsay based on Christian values for advise on your sex life. If you really want to understand sex. Study evolutionary theory on humans sexuality and use that information to improve your sex life.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Winter,

You ever see one of those super high frame rate videos? Maybe 10,000 frames a second - let you watch a bullet go through an apple.

Try and get him to give you an accurate - slow motion view of what happens in his head - when YOU initiate. 

And - I'm not saying this is happening - but if he's using viagra - he takes it and initiates an hour later when it has kicked in. 

But if YOU initiate - he might need the same lead time. 

Either way the goal is two fold:
1. Get a clear picture of what happens to him emotionally when you initiate.
AND
2. Be blunt and ask him: Babe, how can I initiate successfully? How much lead time do you want? What do you want me to say / do? 

One last thing. We have a 'no rejection' policy. The way that works is simple. When either of us initiates, the other can say:
- Yes 
Or
- Would it be ok if we connect tomorrow night?

And then the next night happens. It's a genuine commit, not an empty promise. And that works well. 






Winter Storm said:


> Thanks for all the helpful replies. I appreciate it. Lots of good info and ideas and many different directions to take. I'm going to step back to think about which direction I want to go with this.
> 
> Thanks again.


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Hi Winter,
> 
> The favorite thing I love about my wife is that she plays hard to get. She let's me know that I can get what I want, but also that it is not always going to be easy.
> 
> ...


This post turned me on and made a light bulb go off in my head. 

I've dropped the ball in using my "feminine power'. I think my husband and I got into a rut. I used to do the things suggested above but somehow we got into a routine of getting into bed at night wondering will we have sex tonight? Or won't we? We weren't warming each other up. And I was anticipating rejection instead of doing my part to create momentum. I used to wear sexy stuff and then slap his hand away when he would try to touch me. etc.

Thank you. Your post was a wake up call for me. And a good reminder that it takes two to tango.

And I tried you BJ method and it DROVE HIM CRAZY. I got the feedback I wanted. I felt sexually powerful and then he nailed me like I how I wanted to be nailed. WIN-WIN! 

So thank you


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## Winter Storm (Jan 9, 2015)

Update: 
I have to say you guys are good! This was my first thread here and all you touched on points that were valid. And no lie, I employed a bit of a cafeteria type approach to the solution where I picked and chose a little something from all the posts here.

I spoke to my husband yesterday and we worked it out. We came to the conclusion that we had gotten ourselves into a sexual rut or sorts. We had lost the flirty stuff that we used to do that leads up to sex. 

I made a huge realization that my feelings of rejection weren't all his fault. But that I had dropped the ball too. I wasn't using my feminine powers to build sexual tension like I used to. I was just kind of anticipating being rejected and then being pissed when I was right. I guess I was creating what I feared too! 

Thankfully I have a husband that's willing to work things out. We both owned up to our part in this. And both got to see where each other was coming from. We cleared the air and talked about how we can get back on track with each other. And we came up with intimacy alternatives to when we are just too tired but still need connection. Like me using my vibe with him touching me etc. But basically taking the 'pressure' off. It's not about the performance, it's about the connection. And the connection can come from a variety of things it doesn't have to be PIV all the time etc. 

We ended up having some hot make up sex! 

Thank you again. You guys were so spot on. I appreciate it!


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