# Did I screw up!? HELP!



## LadyInStress (May 28, 2012)

Hello everyone, I think i made a huge mistake but I need your advise, I may need to use it in the next couple of hours!

In the past weeks/months I caught my boyfriend with several EAs over the internet, sadly I don't even know how many women. He goes from giving them his cell phone number, to inviting them for coffee, one woman he even told he wanted to take to bed with him. I realize he's very good at testing the waters to see how willing a woman is to his advances... I had to snoop in a few occasions to know this.

Anyways, he's been having the typical attitudes: being very protective of his phone, facebook, passwords, etc. The last time I caught him in a lie he told me he had received a text message from a friend of his telling him his dad was in the hospital (in the other side of the ocean) and that he was feeling lost and he knew he had screwed up, however he needed me. I realized the next day it had been a lie to get out of trouble.

Yesterday he told me a (male) friend from work was going to take him to look at a house he might rent after work. Again, he showed me the text message on his phone, so I thought it was quite fishy. Today I took him to work, and waited for his class to be over, I know this is a very loser thing to do but I needed proof. So I waited outside, and I saw him leave with a woman and a kid. They were walking outside and I intercept them. I didn't make a scene, all I said was "I just needed to see this with my own eyes" and left. He said this woman was going to take him to the house (even though he said he would go with his male friend).

He tried to reach me but we left before, he called and I didn't respond. He even called a friend of mine telling her what had happened, that he was worried and just wanted to know if I was ok, btw I don't share any of this with my friends, with anyone, so it's quite humiliating. So she calls me and I tell her I don't want to talk about it, and that I'm fine. When I got home I get a text from him saying this woman is his male friend's wife and that she was going to take him to look at the house because he husband was busy somewhere else, and that I owe them both an apology.

I wasn't aggressive with them, in fact I barely spoke and left right away. But the truth is that if he hadn't screwed up in the past I wouldn't have done this, and he wants me to apologize! He lied anyways, even if what he said is true, he lied, he said he would go with the guy from work. And I'm pretty sure if he hadn't seen me, he would have told me he went with him. He will be home soon and I don't know what to do.

Please help!


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

He lied to you. You did nothing wrong as he's given you plenty of reasons to doubt his loyalty and truthfulness.

If he can't be transparent and completely honest, then why are you with him?

If he's not already having an affair, he will be soon.

And just because the other woman said it was all good, doesn't mean it is....Cheaters lie and if she's cheating with your BF, then she's a liar too.

Good luck. Stay strong.


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## LOSTfan (Jun 12, 2012)

I would ask for proof that's his friends wife and thats what she was there to do. Do this by proving they are married. Say to your man, if that really is the truth, then let's go to their home, hear it from them. Let me explain why I overreacted and apologize
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your BF---needs to be your X-BF---you don't need this kind of crap, in your life---you do realize, there are millions of other men in the world, who would not cause you this kind of grief/misery/drama

You have no ties with this guy, just some time---so consider it a failed relationship, and go find a man who will not put you thru---this

Remember one thing---YOU ONLY GET ONE TRIP THRU LIFE ON THIS PLANET---it is spose to be a happy trip---this creep of a BF---is taking away, your happiness, causing you to do things you would not normally do----life is to short---just give him his walking papers

If you do not---you are gonna be back here again, and again---cuz he is a cheater, and does not respect you, he also, lies, manipulates, and decieves---time to say adios.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I think your mistake was confronting him then and there. Maybe, there's a small possibility he was telling the truth. Now you have made yourself look like an insecure "stalker" and if he was telling the truth, he's likely a bit humiliated by your actions.

However, he has responsibility in this as well. His past actions have created this in you, and he has to own up to that. You do not have reason to trust him right now, and he must realize that, and accept his part in this. If he does not, then chances are greater that he is lying and got caught doing something he was not supposed to be doing.

You should use this as a learning experience. Do not confront until you have proof of something substantial. This does not qualify as that (because you have no proof of wrongdoing). While it would have been nice for him to send you a text or call and say "hey babe, Pete can't do this today, so I'm heading over with his wife and child to take a look at the place instead" (especially given he knows you don't have reason to trust him now), this ommission does not qualify as a lie or good cause to confront and "out yourself" and make yourself look insecure. Wait until you have proof of something before you "give up" that you've been snooping, following, etc. Not only that, now he's going to be looking over his shoulder for you in parking lots or following him, and if he is doing something inappropriate, he now knows he needs to be sneakier about it.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

And this is not "a loser thing to do". He has given you good cause to be suspicious, both by his past actions and his current ones. Showing you the text...."see honey, I'm not lying...look!" just out of the blue without you asking is very suspicious given that he has done this before when he was acting inappropriately. The "loser" thing to do is to not verify when something seems suspicious and go on "blind faith" leaving yourself and your relationship vulnerable.

Now, if you'd been together for a period of time, and he has given you no reason to be suspicious, has been proven to be faithful, and you were continually doing it simply out of your own insecurity, then yes, it would be a "loser" thing to do. THIS is not THAT. So don't let him or anyone else try to make you feel it is. 

But next time, maintain your cool and don't show your cards or methods until you have proof of wrongdoing.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Apologies? Heck No! He lied. He is still lying. Not only is he lying, he is manipulating you into accepting his version of the story. Do you know the "male friend" he was supposed to meet? First name? Anything? Did he immediately step forward and introduce you to Mrs. Whatever, Friend's wife? What was his reaction in the moment, not later when he now has time to think and make up some story?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Your BF is a douche. Do yourself a favor and break up with him.


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## LadyInStress (May 28, 2012)

Hey guys, I appreciate your posts so much. He isn't home yet but he called and I decided to answer...

He kept the same story. Yes I know the guy friend, and he said he's driving him home later, that when they're here I can ask him myself and eat some humble pie. I asked him if he had explained what happened to him and he said yes. I asked him have you told him about all the things you've done that caused my actions, he said yes. Then I said, well, in that case your friend knows where I'm coming from.

He said he liked the house, that he's moving there tomorrow and that I won't have to worry about this anymore. I'm in so much pain because he refuses to understand what he's done wrong. After every time I caught him, he would say sorry but that was it, his attitude would remain the same and there was no way for me to recover the trust. I think that is what hurts me the most, he was all words but never actually acted on what he knew was causing the problem.

And now given that he told the truth, I look like the idiot because he got lucky... Maybe if he hadn't had to see the house he definitely would have been with some girl... who knows, I guess I did screw up. But this goes to show him just how bad he hurt me. The problem is I don't think he wants to see this as more than a "won battle" and that he can rub it in because he wasn't doing anything wrong. I don't think he really gets it.

Anyway, tomorrow it'll be over. I need a drink


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You don't have to deal with this. You can dump him.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

"In the past weeks/months I caught my boyfriend with several EAs over the internet".

This is in your POST -- you don't need any more proof. He is cheating in any EA/PA. 

You know what you should do and need to do.

Hope you find the courage and strength to do it.

This is no way for you to live.


Good Luck !!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And because the woman is married he is not going to jump her bones if he can?

Of course not! Yeah... right.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PS, You did not screw up.

He did.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

LadyInStress said:


> Hey guys, I appreciate your posts so much. He isn't home yet but he called and I decided to answer...
> 
> He kept the same story. Yes I know the guy friend, and he said he's driving him home later, that when they're here I can ask him myself and eat some humble pie. I asked him if he had explained what happened to him and he said yes. I asked him have you told him about all the things you've done that caused my actions, he said yes. Then I said, well, in that case your friend knows where I'm coming from.
> 
> ...


You made a SMALL mistake which was prompted by his HUGE "mistake". Had he not done what he did, you'd not have done this.

You're right...he doesn't get it, and never will. Move on to someone who will. He created the situation, and now you are left walking on egg shells and consumed with worry and doubt while he goes along on his merry way not helping you through this. Read that again...along his merry way without helping you through something he caused.

Time to "right the ship" and your life. This CAN'T get better if he will not help you. But, your life can get amazingly better if you help yourself and move on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unless he set this up to make you look bad?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

EWven if the story he's telkling THIS DAY is true you don't need to apologize anybody. He's a liar and a cheat, he's the one eho put this woman and child in the cross fire.
If the story was true he should tell her I'm sorry, I regularly lie to my wife about my whereabuts, she has caught me many times cheating on her. I lied yesterday AGAIN, so I put you in the wrong place.


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