# Boosting her sex confidence?



## quepasa69 (Sep 11, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for 6 yrs. I am wondering how I can help boost her sexual confidence? She was a virgin when we got together and has only been with me. I was not before we met. She just likes the missionary position, and don't mind being on top. Oral sex is out of the question for her, she thinks its gross. I have went down on her before and received oral from her in the past, but only a few times and after a little persuasion. She doesn't like to talk dirty, have any lights on, or anything like that. I just want to spice things up and am willing to do anything. I always make sure she orgasms before me. Sometimes I try to hint towards trying something different and I get shot down every time. The other night I was just wanting to leave the lights on and she said "You know I am not confident about myself", and then on to the normal routine. I try to do things slow and be as passionate as I can. Maybe I am a typical male, but just looking for any suggestions. Is it wrong of me to want to change things up and be adventerous, or should I just leave things how they are?? Thanks for any advice in advance!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You are not wrong. A man and a woman will live together for fifty or sixty years(say everything goes fine). We tend to become bored after the same thing again and again. The same woman(must), the same bedroom, the same time, the same position, the same atmosphere, etc. You get bored. I hear a lot of men get bored because of this. Please tell your wife that it is not easy to last a happy life if you do the same thing all the time. We don't change spouse, but we can change other things. Place, position, atmosphere, etc. 

She doesn't like to see her body? She doesn't want you to notice her body? Is she big? What a big deal! You are married. You only love her. I have seen old grandma post her naked picture on Internet, if the grandma doesn't feel embarrassed to let the world see her. Will we say anything? You can tell her she is beautiful. You can tell her she is gorgeous. You can tell her you want to eat her whole body...........................
Does she have religion. If she does, then it will be more difficult. Tends to be brain washed thoroughly. But I do think God wants us human being to enjoy the gift He gives us. Her body is yours and your body is hers! 
A marriage life is not only about sex, but sex plays a big part in our marriage. If couples are happy with their sex, they tend to try harder to work out other problems. On the discussion forum you see a lot of unhappy marriages all are about not being satisfied sexually. Please let your wife know the importance of it. I am sure she wants a happy marriage and a happy husband. If it doesn't need to cost her anything to fix your problem, why doesn't she try? Does she want to risk her happy marriage by not making you satisfied? 
Anyway, be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

For oral, she can just make sure that she washes herself clean, and you can tell her you enjoy licking her. Please don't be too fast, or focus on the clit. Stick your tongue inside and the feeling is great. If you want to receive a BJ, make sure you are clean. 
A woman can have beautiful hair style, she can also have a beautiful Pxxxy style. Shave it into a shape you like or she likes. It's interesting. For me, I dress up all for my husband, not for other people. if he says he likes it, then I keep it his taste. My husband has a very good taste.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

"Well if I can't get this from you, who can I get this from?"


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## quepasa69 (Sep 11, 2010)

Well we don't go to church, so religion isnt the issue. She is very beautiful and a nice body, but like most women she thinks she doesn't. I tell her all the time how sexy she is and beautiful. I've tried setting the mood by lighting several candles. Just running out of ideas. I guess if at first you don't succede try try again. I am 29 she is 28. Hopefully before I am 50 I will have some luck.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You can pout!!! Lie on the floor and cry, loudly. If she doesn't give you what you want, don't get up! 
Is she against porn? How about watching porn with her together?


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Many women are self-conscious of their bodies. Get some of the videos from Betty Dodson's website. She made videos of her female masturbation seminars, and all these women are overweight and not too attractive, enjoying their bodies and masturbating to orgasm. Once she sees her body is natural and normal and beautiful, she may let you see her.

I used to be self-conscious of my genitals, because I have longer inner lips than the porn stars (who presumably get theirs cut). Then I saw a link on Betty Dodson's site somewhere, to these gorgeous models who all have long lips also, and now I love my long lips. Before, I did not feel comfortable, I thought mine were weird.

Just as you guys are worried about your peni$ too small, we are worried about our genitals, maybe our breast not so perky, maybe some cellulite on the legs. 

Also it might help if she knows when man or woman is making out, they do not care at all how the other partner looks. The looks decision was made long before they ever got their clothes off.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

I have the EXACT same problem. Beautiful wife, great body, nothing seriously wrong with her at all. She finds things wrong with herself and as low confidence in her body when many women out there would be thankful to have one like hers. She was improving prior marriage and even then I was satisfied. Since marriage, it went downhill.

If she is that reserved about sex and her body, I seriously doubt watching a video is going to work, or candles, comparing photos of other women with similar problems (that is not cool!), or a change of atmosphere. I am trying to think of, or find a solution as well. It may have to come down to an ultimatum. If we constantly give in (and its hard not to because we want to have sex!), then we will get no where. I may try something like this: if we're about to have sex, suggest a different position. If she says no, then say you're don't feel like doing missionary. Expect awkward silence. If it gets too awkward, say you have to get a drink or use the bathroom. When you get back, and it seems she hasn't changed her mind by initiating something different, say good night, love you. I know...this will take some balls on your part to pull off but it is grabbing the bull by the horns.

Videos, talking, etc will only work is she acknowledges she has a problem and wants to work it out. Rarely is this the case. She just wants to hide the problem, sweep it under the rug and PRAY you don't bring it up.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

If you want to change positions, instead of suggesting it or talking about it with her beforehand, why not just start in your usual missionary position and then just change. Just roll over so she's on top of you, or flip her over so you can take her from behind. 

I used to be rather shy when it came to sex and my body. Trying to talk about it only made it worse. My ex used to just change the position, no warning or anything, and that was what opened me up to the idea that we didn't have to do the same stuff all the time. 

Another thing is to make sure she's comfortable and knows that you will not laugh at her, make fun of her, or be upset with her if something doesn't go well. My boyfriend is the only guy I've gotten really adventurous with in bed, because he's the only guy who ever made me feel really comfortable, and made me realize that if we tried something new/different and it didn't go well, we'd still be ok. He made clear to me that he wouldn't judge me, laugh at me, make fun of me, mock me, or anything else hurtful. 

She may have issues from a past relationship, too. Just because she was a virgin doesn't mean someone couldn't have given her issues. She might have been called a tease, or told she didn't kiss well, or who knows what that has translated to this. Or...she was a virgin, you were not. She may be, even subconsciously, worried that she can't compare to your past "conquests", or that you will be comparing her to them. 

I would try just changing positions on her and see what happens there. And maybe talk to her some more, see if you can get her to open up and tell you why she's so reluctant to try anything new.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> If you want to change positions, instead of suggesting it or talking about it with her beforehand, why not just start in your usual missionary position and then just change. Just roll over so she's on top of you, or flip her over so you can take her from behind.
> 
> I used to be rather shy when it came to sex and my body. Trying to talk about it only made it worse. My ex used to just change the position, no warning or anything, and that was what opened me up to the idea that we didn't have to do the same stuff all the time.
> 
> ...


I think your advice is very good!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Man, she is your woman. Just play with her. Play, tickle, wrestle, spank, grab, kiss, stroke, caress, laugh, joke, etc.etc.etc. Lovingly and affectionately....................


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## quepasa69 (Sep 11, 2010)

well yesterday I tried being very affectionate. I even did lots of extra house work like laundry etc.. so she didn't have to, that usually makes her very happy with me. I set out lots of candles, and we had sex in the normal way. Tried going down on her, get shot down every time. We did do it on the floor but only because the baby started crying and had to be put in bed with us while we were busy. (we have 3 boys 1, 4, 10...10yr old from my previous relationship). I mentioned we should get some toys and she said we don't need to do that, things are fine as they are. I told her I just wanted to spice things up. Tonight I been trying to be extra affectionate again and she just said everything about you lately has to do with sex. Maybe I'm trying to hard, maybe I need to just lay off. But when I do that I think she can go with out it for weeks. Trial and error sucks!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

quepasa69 said:


> well yesterday I tried being very affectionate. I even did lots of extra house work like laundry etc.. so she didn't have to, that usually makes her very happy with me. I set out lots of candles, and we had sex in the normal way. Tried going down on her, get shot down every time. We did do it on the floor but only because the baby started crying and had to be put in bed with us while we were busy. (we have 3 boys 1, 4, 10...10yr old from my previous relationship). I mentioned we should get some toys and she said we don't need to do that, things are fine as they are. I told her I just wanted to spice things up. Tonight I been trying to be extra affectionate again and she just said everything about you lately has to do with sex. Maybe I'm trying to hard, maybe I need to just lay off. But when I do that I think she can go with out it for weeks. Trial and error sucks!


We don't always get what we want. So maybe you have to take everything slowly. Don't expect a sudden change. If she becomes more confident, great. If she doesn't, you still have a great life, don't you? Is she a good wife in other area? If she is, then don't focus on what you don't get from her, that will only make you unsatisfied and she annoyed. Very often my husband and I just have normal missionary sex. Being loving, affectionate, and understand is more important.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

quepasa69 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 6 yrs. I am wondering how I can help boost her sexual confidence? She was a virgin when we got together and has only been with me. I was not before we met. She just likes the missionary position, and don't mind being on top. Oral sex is out of the question for her, she thinks its gross. I have went down on her before and received oral from her in the past, but only a few times and after a little persuasion. She doesn't like to talk dirty, have any lights on, or anything like that. I just want to spice things up and am willing to do anything. I always make sure she orgasms before me. Sometimes I try to hint towards trying something different and I get shot down every time. The other night I was just wanting to leave the lights on and she said "You know I am not confident about myself", and then on to the normal routine. I try to do things slow and be as passionate as I can. Maybe I am a typical male, but just looking for any suggestions. Is it wrong of me to want to change things up and be adventerous, or should I just leave things how they are?? Thanks for any advice in advance!!


Print this article: - Focus on the Family 

Give it to her to read and ask her to talk to you about afterwards...but tell her that it is important that she understand that your marriage is not going well because you are not happy and need her to understand that live is more enjoyable when people educated themselves and really want to enjoy life to the fullest.....:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## wondering2020 (Sep 17, 2010)

I actually tried this the other night with her blessing and had great sex that evening.... We went on a date night...I asked her to get dolled up heels, dress etc and took her out to a real nice place to eat then went shopping for her an sexy outfit...The whole night I asked to walk a little further behing her to notice how many men stared ...then told her later...she was VERY receptive that evening.


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