# Hope, Happiness, and Strength- There will be a better tomorrow..



## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

So you read a lot of posts on here, specifically under this topic, that are truly very sad. People bearing so much pain, so much hurt, it kills me to read some of them. Some we read and say to ourselves, yeah I know how that feels. Others, we read and in comparison makes our pain and problems seem less severe. But one thing is constant, we can all somehow relate.

I am starting this thread, in hopes that others will follow, of my story of positives. Things in my life that are still great or have gotten better since my divorce. This is a happy place, for people not to come and relate to my pain, but to maybe relate to my happiness, to see their own futures as having the possibilty of looking brighter. Think of it as the guy at the AA meeting who gets up and says, "I'm blah blah and I've been sober for blah blah length of time, and so can you". For the time being, I'm that guy.

Now, I know that most of us are in the phase where the hurting is still very fresh, our hearts are still bleeding, and things look very grim. I want you to try to look past that, really try, and just make a list of positives, or write it out, whatever. Just search yourself up and down, and find all the positives, and put them into physical form. Oh and be completely and utterly selfish if you wish, cause right now, in this stage of our story, it has to be all about us, or we'll never make it out alive...

My last post, titled "Am I better off?" Gave me this idea. Cantletgo, you gave me this idea. So kudos and credit to you. So here goes...


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## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

Some days I feel like Im waving goodbye to yesterday with a smirk on my face, others though it feels like Im right back at square one, feeling worthless and having no self-esteem. It kind of feels like someone close to me has died, and I SHOULD be feeling worse, grieving, etc, but Im not. Im having...fun? Wow I am. Yep there is hope for us all.. 

I mean, 2 months ago, I was a full time dad (her child, might as well have been mine). Rides to/from school, helping with homework, parent/teacher conferences, the whole deal. I was happy and content, looking forward to having more kids, and being in family mode til the day I died. Nothing sounded better.

And she tossed me, and at first it was the worst thing possible... Then, I started reconnecting with old friends, hitting the bars, being...irresponsible? Yeah, thats the word, and it felt damn good. Now I am 28, single, and I suddenly dont have any kids (which feels wierd but whatever). I do what I want when I want. I dont even want kids now, or a wife, or a girlfriend, or even a friend with benefits... hah I say let the chips fall where they may. I just want to have fun, and damn I am. 

I have this new job that pays great and It doesnt drive me crazy. I have all the time in the world for me and my friends and family (first easter in 6 years I got to spend with MY family, woohoo!). I'm making new friends, doing new things. If Im hungry, I eat. No more waiting for the ex to be hungry or some lengthy discussion about what to eat... I dont have to buy anything for anyone, or do things I dont want to do. My world is revolving around ME and me only. I've been hanging out with this girl I went to college with, and we have been having a total blast. 

Sure shes attractive, we like the same books, were in the same field, we enjoy the same activities, but Im not INTO her, or trying to make a move on her. But its not cause I still have feelings for my ex, I just dont want the responsibilty. We have fun and I feel fulfilled when we are together, why complicate it with sex and promises? I have more in common with this girl than I ever hade with my wife, and for now the intellectual/emotional juiciness is enough to keep me satisfied. 

A while back someone on here told me, dont be a puppy, but dont be a dog either. Dont be "that" guy. And truth be told, I cant be that guy, its just not in me. Funny thing about girls though, when they know a guy is going out of his way to stay single, it appeals to them, well in my experience anyways.

Life is great, you just have to find a crack in the wall and turn it into a big wide open way to happiness. Feel the breeze, smell the air. Let the sun blind you, go lay in a field somewhere and just let go. Were free! And to the people who dont want to be around us, they can just go then. Who needs em? We sure as hell dont. They wont be there for any of our good times, our smiles, our treasured moments. And they cant have a damn bit of us anymore. Were taking it all back. Lets make them sorry, right? Go out into the world, and do whatever the hell you want. The odds of it leading to happiness are much better than sitting around being sad. Fear no failures, take huge risks, just live your lives! Just let go, like a falling leaf thats caught in a gust of wind. And keep this in mind... you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now, and you always will be.


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

Wow! I am beside myself with joy for you, and thank you for giving me credit, although I don't know that I actually did anything. I look forward to the day when I can be as positive and upbeat as you. Although I won't be untethered as you are, since I have my kids, but they definately help get me through the day. Most of my pain right now is for them, because I can move on and find new love, but they only have one dad. But we all need a little hope and inspiration in these our darkest hours. Thank you Lifelover, and here's to your continued happiness and healing.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I loved your post the joy the happiness and the excitement of your new life i felt you walking among stars and diving like a dolphin so deep in the ocean I felt you flying like a butterfly or running like a child in a field full of flowers i heard the echo of your laughter 
I wish you a whole life of happiness


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

Lifelover,

great post my friend, I was like so many people on here over a year and a half ago when I found this site, feeling sorry for myself, lost in dispair with the ending of my marriage. wondering if I could ever be happy again..So many on here told me I would be happy again, I would find love. I doubted them, how could they know the pain I was in, all the years of sacrifice almost 16 to be exact, thrown away as if they meant nothing. They told me oneday I would see the light at the "end of the tunnel" I would smile, laugh, and picture better days ahead.. 

Well, what they all said was true, slowly I found myself again, found what made me happy, what really mattered to me, set goals for myself that at the time I thought were out of reach. I appreciated the small things so much more, I became thankfull for what I did have and not dwell on what I had lost. I became a better friend. a better father to my girls. I found more compassion for people suffering, I reached out to help those less fortunate than myself..

Since that time 16 months ago when all looked so bleak.. I have bought a new house, taken numerous trips to California alone, Found an amazing woman who is so unlike my ex. and last and most importantly I found myself again... :smthumbup:
Have faith people, oneday you will look back and be thankful for what happened, you have been given a second or maybe thrid chance at happiness.. use it wisely, remember your mistakes (we all have made them) and learn from them... So many people say that life is short... Well im not one of them, life is long so learn how to be happy again... One day you will be just that... Best wishes to all who read this.... Life is a great thing no matter how rough we may have it..... so many more have it worse than us..........

God bless..........


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