# 28 Years Down the Drain



## Crushed and Angry (Jul 21, 2012)

I'm new here. Don't really know how to start this but will begin by saying I really do love my soon to be ex-husband. He is annoying, condescending, selfish, and a cheat but I love him. And he drinks beer. A lot of beer. I'd call him a functioning alcoholic. He's been coming home sloshed every night for years and then wants to have sex. I prefer it in the mornings when I don't have to smell beer and onions. And the beer makes him snore loudly. I moved out of the bedroom years ago as I wasn't getting enough sleep. He resented that but so did I. We went through a scare last year when his doctor said he probably had prostate cancer. He didn't but we just never had sex again. The doctor said wait and then he started the whole thing again of boozing it up and onion breath. Made me gag. So we just never had sex again and we didn't talk about it. He never wanted to talk about anything intimate except to whine about how sex starved he was. He started an "affair" some months back that I didn't know about. Since I trusted him, I never perused his cell phone bill very much just paid it. On Thursday, two days ago, he came to me in the living room about 8 PM and said, "I want a divorce. I haven't been happy in a long time." Then he turned around and walked out of the room. I didn't see this coming. I chased him down and said, "WHY??" And he just shrugged his shoulders and went to bed. 

After I had cried for hours I started thinking about how this could have come about. I thought, most husbands don't stray to be by themselves, they have a woman. So I went online to our phone bill and really looked at his. Over a thousand texts in a month from a cell number and another 800 to yet another! And at all hours!!! (Our bill shows texts sent and received and also shows outgoing as well.)

So yesterday I used one of those pay services on the web and found out one of the numbers owner. She owns the bar where he drinks. No woman texts a man up to 60 times in day if they aren't doing something they shouldn't be. She is married. But the other number I couldn't find. No one will answer -- it's one of those pay as you go phones -- but the voice mail is her voice. I know because I called her. Yeah shouldn't have done that. Both of those phone numbers texted my husband 40 or so times EACH during Friday. He didn't come home from work. He went to HER bar. At 9:09 he came home. He walked past me not saying a word. He took a shower, got dressed and went out. He came home this morning at 8 AM. When he walked in, I told him he could not live here anymore. That he couldn't say he was divorcing me, stay out all night and expect to live here. Told him to get his stuff and get out.

His reply? Went upstairs and went to bed. 

He got up 3 hours later and took a shower. When he came downstairs where I was, I again told him he had to get out. That I couldn't breathe with him in the house. He replied that he wasn't moving out. That it was his house too. He even put his dirty clothes in the laundry like I was gonna do his laundry!!


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## Crushed and Angry (Jul 21, 2012)

Continued: 

Then he said he was going to work. I'm like "SO??" Anyway he left. I went over to the bar a little over an hour ago and he's there. I stopped and took a pic of his truck, don't really know why. I then put a for sale sign in the yard.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. This is the second time he's done this. I can't take the hurt a third time. I am sick at my stomach constantly and shake. Tears just flow unexpectedly and I can't catch my breath. I love this man but I hate this man. Do I try to win him back? We've been through a lot together. Twenty Eight years of together. I'm crushed, devastated, angry, want to hurt him, etc., etc. 

I could go on and on. Please help me look at this situation realistically.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Realistically, it sounds as though there is a lot going on beneath the affairs...his drinking, the sex issue, your having to ask why he wants a divorce (really?), etc. Both of you need counseling. Individually. If he doesn't went to go, divorce may be the only answer to help you move on with your life. The up side is that although this process is painful at times, you will come out of it a much happier and healthier person if you follow through with counseling and cutting him out of your life (at the very least until he faces his issues and addresses them.) Do not leave the home so as not to risk losing it, do what you can to get him out though. If he won't leave, sell ASAP as living together will be hellish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Crushed and Angry (Jul 21, 2012)

I have a buyer coming tomorrow afternoon. I am going through with this divorce. At least today that is. I'm seeing an attorney on Monday. I cannot go through this again. I already can't breathe so next to can't breathe won't be pretty.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Crush the Affair


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