# It's been 15 months - I made it to today.



## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

Hello Everyone, 
I have fond memories of all of you here at TAM, helping me through - the initial several months of my separation/divorce process. I lost contact for awhile, life got in the way. I was thinking of you all, while dealing with new sets of issues - and thought, this is crazy. You belong back there - if for nothing else, helping others the way you were helped back when you needed it. It's just I've gone from housewife/stay at home mom - to, single mom - working - dealing with everything life has to throw alone... and it's been overwhelming to say the least.

I'm sure many here can confirm, how I was absolutely 100% positive - I'd never make it to this point. I was convinced, and here I am - I made it, and it's just about to the point where I'm completely over him.... though, I still have triggers. He's been with his current GF now for 10 months, and he made sure I knew this - so, that hurt me. Considering, he got with her - only 5 months from the time he moved out, and has continued to build such a relationship with ease while dealing with a divorce. 

I'm in a relationship too now, I took a bit more time. I've only been with him 6 months. The first several months of knowing him, were very casual - very low-key. We've since stepped it up a notch, I wanted to wait for my divorce to be final, before making anything "official", or having a sex life with the man. Its just a personal preference I had, wanting to remain true to my vows, even though it was clearly over - and ex had already moved on. I think I will go over to the relationship section to get some advice on this mess. It's been way too long, since I've had to deal with dating - and I'm at a loss.

Anyway - Overall, things are good. EX and I - don't get along... I believe it is more him, than me... He just isn't a good man, and an even worse father. He's made ONE attempt, at apologizing for what he put me through - but, it was cheap and like he was doing it, so he could "Feel better" about himself. Since then, he's not made an effort to be any better really, even though the daily nastiness has ended - and he's only nasty in ways of ignoring issues that require his attention. The words have stopped, they stopped the day the divorce was final. Why then, I don't know. Up until then, it was awful. I can't tell you how many times the man has told me - He is so happy, I am no longer his wife. Just pure evil.

I'm basically over it - but, at the same time.... I'm not sure I can truly say I am. I don't know what it means to be over it. I've thought more than once, I am. But, when something bad in life, or in this new relationship happens - I'm back to comparing, or wondering what ifs. Though, those have ended 90%.

I'm happy, and my son and I are doing very well. I never thought I could say it again, but I can - and I know it's true. 

Thanks for listening!


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Good to hear from you Lost!

I don't know what "over it" means as well. I just consider myself to be through the worst of it. There are still emotional landmines, but nothing like it was a year ago, or even 6 months ago.


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## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

Hi Bluewoman!
So good to see you here too! How's it going in your world? Have you started dating again? That seems to be where I'm struggling the most - trust issues!!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Glad you're doing well. Start treating your ex like he's a non-person.....next time he comments on his gf just tell him "good for you" of "whatever". If he accuses you of caring tell him not to flatter himself.....do not feed his ego in any way.

Once he becomes a non-person to you then you won't require an apology because nothing about him will matter to you. Part of him still wants the ego boost of thinking you still want him.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Well, he is attacking you because you did not give into what he wanted. He planned on taking everything, leaving you nothing. He wants to punish you because in the end, he, emotionally, is still stuck in the adolescent years.

Remember, to him, the world revolves around him. He was expecting you to be a pushover and you held your ground. His life is not the way he imagined and you put a wrench in that plan. So what do people like him do, resort to emotional abuse and juvenile behavior.

Btw, in your new relationship, you are in the honeymoon phase, a highly addictive stage where it is harder to let go because of the wonderful, magical feelings he invokes. But that will be also diminishing and your view of him will less shiny than it already is.

Btw, keep working on your esteem issues. Later on, your ex's words will bounce more off of you and you can see it and know it for what it really is, a bitter person who needs you to be lower than him. He wants to tear you down so he can feel superior.


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## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

I can't believe that I got myself involved in this new relationship, that I am now ending. It's only making things worse for me... Thankfully I go back to therapy tomorrow, and maybe he will slap me in the face for doing this. He told me not to, but I didn't listen. He said friends is OK... but, nothing serious. I let myself get serious, it was easy to do.

I think he's done texting me now though, I've yet to hear from him since last night, and not at all today. Normally he would've texted by now, so perhaps he will listen to my "Don't contact me again" - and not contact me. I have to say, there is a part of me, that wants to contact him - b/c it feels good knowing I had someone again, but he wasn't right. How long should we wait to start dating again? I thought I was ready. Because quite honestly, there was a time - when I was worried about not being able to again, but at the same time - I had no interest. The interest is back.

As far as the Ex... He hurt me this past Sunday. He came to pick son up for Church and had his girlfriend with him. That was one thing I asked him not to do... I don't want my son going to church with Her and her kids. I just don't feel like it's right. First of all, according to our church - it's wrong to be dating again after Divorce, especially if you're not fully divorced yet (which we aren't). So, I had a really bad day yesterday about that. I cried almost all day. I have accepted everything else for the most part... I know son sleeps over there at her house, and I'm OK with that. I don't like it, but I've accepted it. But something about going to church (MY parish at that, where I know these people b/c my son goes to school there) --- with her and her kids and my son... It REALLY bothered me. He knows that too, and did it anyway. I guess he thinks he is holier than thou again.... Which I don't get. He is sinning, and being he was this big time religious person, who was going to be a Priest at one time in his life. I just find it .... I don't know. Wrong.

Son goes to church with him because I quit going. I've disassociated myself with the Catholic church. I'm still religious and practice my own faith, etc.  But - I'm not associating with the Catholic church right now, maybe later when I better accept things. But as for now.... Their opinion on divorce, which is --- Don't re-marry or be in a serious relationship if you're divorced is BS. I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce, I didn't ask for it, I fought it - and tried to reconcile... So, why should I suffer and live alone b/c the church tells me to. No Thanks. Ex isn't doing it, and in fact, he's taking the new girl there - shoving it in their face I guess. But, don't include my son on that.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ha ha, if you want to be a real b!tch next time your ex sticks his gf in your face tell him she has your sympathies because nobody knows better than you what she got.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lost40 (Dec 27, 2014)

lol thats a good one life!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Lost40 said:


> I can't believe that I got myself involved in this new relationship, that I am now ending. It's only making things worse for me... Thankfully I go back to therapy tomorrow, and maybe he will slap me in the face for doing this. He told me not to, but I didn't listen. He said friends is OK... but, nothing serious. I let myself get serious, it was easy to do.
> 
> I think he's done texting me now though, I've yet to hear from him since last night, and not at all today. Normally he would've texted by now, so perhaps he will listen to my "Don't contact me again" - and not contact me. I have to say, there is a part of me, that wants to contact him - b/c it feels good knowing I had someone again, but he wasn't right. How long should we wait to start dating again? I thought I was ready. Because quite honestly, there was a time - when I was worried about not being able to again, but at the same time - I had no interest. The interest is back.
> 
> ...



Eh, we all make mistakes. Now you have the experience to back up that knowledge gained.

The reason why I am viewed as wise is because I was a complete phuck up at one point, LOL.

You have to be a fool before you are wise. At least that is what my fortune cookie says. It also said that if I see a clown, it will get a fisty surprise.

Well, you know to avoid relationships at the moment until you can learn and enforce boundaries.

We all want to be loved, we need to find the right people to provide it to us. You were vulnerable and love is an addictive feeling.


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