# my husband accuses me of cheating when i am not!!



## OneTwo2014 (Jun 4, 2014)

I have been with my husband for 5 years and we have been married 6 months with a 3 yrs old daughter..

Lately he has become sooo possessive and demanding and extremely jealous! I have never been with someone so jealous in my life!

He accuses me of cheating, i'm just going to get straight to the point. My husband has a problem with everything. Whatever i do, to him means im cheating. I can not shave my private area without him knowing because then to him that means that i am shaving to go have sex with another man. We live in jersey and i work in new york and he says that i dont want to leave my job and get a job close to home because i am having sex with my boss or someone in the area. If i do my hair all the time, or dress nice to work, he says im getting pretty for another man!
ok ladies, keep this in mind. i work in new york and live in jersey. its one hell of a commute and during the week i am exhausted!! 
I get home and i cook, clean and take care my daughter, when he gets home from work i am a sleep already because i wake up early and i need my rest! He wants to have sex late at night not caring that i need my rest. He wakes me up to have sex but i dont do it and thats another fight, he says i dont have sex because i had sex a work. He then asks for morning sex mins before im leaving the house, knowing that i have to catch the bus at a certain time and cant miss it or else ill be late to work. he says im just rushing to go see my other boyfriend. Things have gotten worse!! last night we were in the middle of having sex and he asks me if my other man does it to me like he does?!?!?!?!?!?! i lost it. i spazed! i got off him and did not do anything! Is it just me or is my husband insane!!! 
About a month ago, i got home 20 mins late because of the traffice from ny to nj and all he broke lose! He told me he wanted a divorce, he cornered me in the bathroom and grabbed my phone and broke the screen and then put my phone in the toilet!! he said that i was not going to talk to anyone!!!!
Then recenetly he tells me to take care of my husband before someone else does!!!! I went ballistic on his ass!!! I cant take this anymore! this is not normal!!! I think my husband has issues, i need some advice!!!!! what the hell do i do?!?!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Then why are you staying with him?

Next time he threatens divorce you produce the paperwork and ask him to sign them.

Most likely he's acting that way because he's cheating on you with another woman.

Are you accustomed taking your phone to the bathroom to you?
Are there any secrets between you two?
Has either of you ever had affairs in the past?
Are you 100% open and transparent with him?

If you are, then there isn't anything you can do to " fix" him , but you can fix the situation and walk away from an abusive husand.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It may be that he's cheating on you, and projecting his own behavior onto you. Regardless, he does have extreme jealousy issues, and if he's not willing to seek help for that and anger management, you may be at risk of physical abuse. This is not a healthy or normal relationship, and you may want to move out to protect yourself and your daughter.


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## OneTwo2014 (Jun 4, 2014)

cheating on me with another man?? i hope not! lol 
im with him because i love him but his ways lately are outrageous!
I would atleast try to work it out before filing for divorce but i dont know, this is insane.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

OneTwo2014 said:


> cheating on me with another man?? i hope not! lol
> im with him because i love him but his ways lately are outrageous!
> I would atleast try to work it out before filing for divorce but i dont know, this is insane.



The man thing was a typo.

But how can you work it out if he's unwilling?

Also you say you love him, but does he love you?

What do you think is causing this level of paranoia and insecurity in him?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

OneTwo2014 said:


> *I have been with my husband for 5 years and we have been married 6 months *





OneTwo2014 said:


> Things have gotten worse!! last night *we were in the middle of having sex and he asks me if my other man does it to me like he does?!?!?!?!?!?!*


This is so disrespectful.



OneTwo2014 said:


> He told me he wanted a divorce, he cornered me in the bathroom and grabbed my phone and broke the screen and then put my phone in the toilet!! he said that i was not going to talk to anyone!!!!


Controlling, intimidating, manipulative, insecure, jealous, rude, mean, unkind and abusive. 

*Why*, pray tell, did you marry him? You have been with him for five years and I seriously doubt he only started this behavior within the last six months when you got married?


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## OneTwo2014 (Jun 4, 2014)

I would have NEVER MARRIED HIM if i would of seen this side of him!!! never ever! He has been this way for the past 3 months!! its stressful. Everything was good before!
I definitely do not give him no reason to think im cheating! That day i went into the bathroom with my phone was because i came home rushing to use the bathroom, i didnt even take off my jacket. 

It hurts to go through something like this.


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## OneTwo2014 (Jun 4, 2014)

I have given this man my everything and just when i think things are going great, he turns into this monster. Its hurts me because i look at everything thats happening and i know that i am not going to live like this and i am going to have to divorce him even though i love him. But i always but myself first! I can not be with a man like that... Carribean man asked me if he loves me? now that has me thinking, does he really love me? how can someone that "loves" u, do the things he does... yea, i want out!!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I agree with the suggestion he could be projecting. Most of us assume, given the same circumstances, others will make the same choices as us. Thus if he were inclined to cheat in your circumstances...he will assume you are cheating. Some of us make the opposite assumption. As in...if we would never consider cheating we can miss out on signals our partner is cheating. 

I think you have to nip this behaviour in the bud. Clearly explain it will not be tolerated and whatever you threaten to do carry out if it continues. It's irrational and no way for either of you to live.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maybe he's cheating on you.

Reverse psychology.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

My first thought also was that perhaps he is the one cheating and projecting his guilt onto you. 

Considering this behaviour has only started since getting married, it's like he's of the mind frame that you can't or won't leave him now you've made this 'life long' commitment to him. You need to clarify, very crystal clear, that you will not tolerate being treated like this, you didn't sign up to be with someone who disrespects you constantly, and certainly not to be with someone who is showing violent tendencies. Think about your child and if you want that behavior emulated in them. 

He needs to admit he has a problem before you have any hope of resolving this.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

OneTwo2014 said:


> ok ladies, keep this in mind. i work in new york and live in jersey. its one hell of a commute and during the week i am exhausted!!
> I get home and i cook, clean and take care my daughter, when he gets home from work i am a sleep already because i wake up early and i need my rest! He wants to have sex late at night not caring that i need my rest. He wakes me up to have sex but i dont do it and thats another fight, he says i dont have sex because i had sex a work. He then asks for morning sex mins before im leaving the house, knowing that i have to catch the bus at a certain time and cant miss it or else ill be late to work. he says im just rushing to go see my other boyfriend.


How long have you been commuting like this? Or more to the point, how long have you been too tired or in too much of a rush for sex? Would it make a difference if you weren't?

IME, it takes way less energy, less time, and is way more gratifying to have sex in the middle of the night than a fight (especially when the fights carry on through the day).

Just another perspective. If the others are right and he really is projecting his own infidelity, or is controlling and manipulative, then keeping your boundaries is probably the better approach.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

What your husband is doing is very wrong. And fact that he accuses you of cheating leads me to believe that he might already be cheating on you as a revenge.....

May I ask how often you guys have sex? I understand you travel to work a lot and are tired etc but your husband is your priority right? if he isn't it CAN trigger him to feel this way.

I still think his behavior is rather extreme. I would lay it out on the table and tell him he either accepts that you are not cheating or leaves NOW, cause what he is doing is not healthy and driving you insane.

But I would also think about what role you are playing in all this. 

have you thought about finding a job closer to home? I would....clearly your commute is rough and it's effecting your life and marriage.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

What about his phone? Can you look at it? Go through the texts, go through his FB. Its only fair if he gets to look at your crap and destroy your property.

I agree with the others - projection. He very well could be cheating on you and why he is so paranoid about you cheating on him. He figures if he can do it, why can't you?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

vi_bride04 said:


> What about his phone? Can you look at it? Go through the texts, go through his FB. Its only fair if he gets to look at your crap and destroy your property.
> 
> I agree with the others - projection. He very well could be cheating on you and why he is so paranoid about you cheating on him. He figures if he can do it, why can't you?


If I was OP, I would ask H for the phone/passwords etc.

Just to see the reaction OR if he actually does it. If he gets defensive or angry and doesn't hand over the phone/passwords.........you got your answer OP, he is probably being unfaithful!!!


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

he might have starting reading TAM three months ago...all these cheating stories would freak out anyone! you see a lot of red flags when that's all you're looking for

I'm half kidding, but does he know someone that just got cheated on, etc? any friendships with men for you lately that would make him think?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's possible that he is projecting, but it is also possible that he thinks he has some concrete indicators that you, in fact, are having an affair. You've only experienced this behavior for three months out of the entire time you've been together, so it doesn't necessarily sound like it's organic.

If something happened to make him suspicious (and if you read CWI, you will see what can happen), then he can start to interpret innocent things in the wrong way. You have a long commute, which means you are away from home for a long day. You have lots of opportunities away from him to meet your supposed lover - the office, the train, etc. To him you appear to be avoiding sex. You get 'dolled up' for work. You head right to the bathroom, carrying your things, including your phone. Etc.

We can see that his suspicions are ridiculous, and you know it, but he appears not to think so.

Before seriously considering divorce, I would sit him down and be completely honest and ask him what has sparked this behavior. You can do this together with a marriage counselor perhaps.

Again, he could be projecting. No matter what, I would try to get to the bottom of it before resorting to divorce.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

I am sorry for what you are going through and for the disrespect that has been shown. I am equally sorry that people seem to think that any time there is a problem in marriage you should run to divorce! Since this is a recent issue that has arisen, it seems logical to think that something has happened to trigger this reaction. Have you tried to talk to him in a moment when things are not heated? Have you contacted a counselor?

Whatever the cause, this kind of behavior needs to be dealt with. I recommend the book _Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis_ by Dr. James Dobson. I don't know if you guys are involved in church or not but I know about a free counseling service done from a Christian perspective. If you are interested send me a private message.

In the meantime, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Something is happening in your husband's heart and I hope it comes to the light very soon. Love and respect are the cornerstones of any happy marriage. May they be restored to yours soon. Blessings!


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