# Help me...marriage sex life sucks!



## Mr_Frustrated (Dec 9, 2015)

Hello all. Hoping I can find some help here. I'm 39, my wife is 35. We have three kids aged 3, 6, and 9. Been married for 14 years and for the most part, our sex life has never lived up to my expectations. We actually chose to wait until we were married to have sex. On our honeymoon night, guess what? We didn't have sex! If memory serves correct, we had a 7 night honeymoon and I think we had sex one night, and it was horrible. Been bad ever since. 

Probably on average, we have sex about once a month. Two or three times if I'm really lucky. Even then, its pretty lame. She's never been open to try new things. It took her more than 10 years before she was okay with me doing it from behind, and even then, its in a lying position only. Not only this, but she obviously gets nothing out of it. 

She's totally opposed to oral sex, either giving or receiving. We actually have used a few vibrating toys in the past, but she's never let me insert a dildo or vibrator into her. She's only allowed me to use them externally. Over the past year or two, she hasn't even let me do that. 

During sex, we don't even kiss. Its 100% just going through the motions and she might give a few moans in order to pretend that she's enjoying, though in reality she obviously just wants me to hurry the hell up. There have been more than a few instances when I simply went on longer than she wanted (more than 10 or 15 minutes) and it becomes quite obvious that she just wants me get off of her because by that time she don't even try to fake it.

Its been an ongoing problem in our marriage since the beginning. Its a recurring pattern. I'll eventually get pissed off and become pretty cold towards her, then she'll try "talk" me through it. She'll make promises to try and pay more attention to my sexual desires, then after a month or so it begins to dwindle down very rapidly again. 

When it comes to sex, she's a very closed off person IMO. Even when we are engaging in sexual activity, she's very restricted in what is allowed and not allowed. Seems like there are always a lot of rules that must be followed, and that's a huge turn off to me. 

It doesn't matter how much I compliment her looks, how much I help around the house, how much I help with the kids. Nothing changes. Honestly, I don't think she's ever even had a real orgasm (at least in my presence). She's faked a million of them, but that's all I'm betting on. 

I don't know what to do. Leaving is not an option at this point. No way will I ever leave my kids. In 15 years or so after the youngest is 18, then it will be an option. But not before then. 

If there are no other options, I guess I'll just have to act content and get along with her the best I can, and find alternative ways to keep myself satisfied the best I can. Porn gets old though, and much of it is quite disgusting these days! 

Please help!!!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You're having sex with my wife. Stop that right now.

But to be serious, I think you have to explain to her that without a "fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship" with her chances are the marriage won't last. You're not looking for "sex" and I'm sue her response will be "you just want sex". Don't let her try to embarrass you because you have sexual desires.

Have you considered counseling?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
That is absolutely miserable - and sadly quite common. There are many couples who wonderful passionate sex lives, but also many who's sex lives are wretched. You have my complete sympathy, but I really don't have a lot to suggest. 

Do you think she really understands how important this is to you? Is she willing to go to counseling. Even if so, it might not help, some people are just naturally low desire (see all the HD/LD threads here), and nothing will change them.

This is not a male / female thing - there are as many high desire women here complaining about lack of sex as there are men. People just vary a LOT in their level of sexual interest.

Basically you have 3 choices:

Leave. 
Cheat
Live like a monk.


Having been in a LD/HD relationship myself (now improved -but after 30 years!!!!), I would not fault you for taking any of those options. 

The one option that doesn't work is just doing the same thing and hoping it will improve - it won't - ever.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm sorry you're feeling stuck, and as long as you can't or won't leave, I think you have few or no realistic options or leverage to change things. If you haven't tried marriage counseling or sex counseling, then they are worth a try - this is too engrained to solve on your own, and frankly, I think you shouldn't hope for too much.


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## Mr_Frustrated (Dec 9, 2015)

Chris Taylor said:


> You're having sex with my wife. Stop that right now.
> 
> But to be serious, I think you have to explain to her that without a "fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship" with her chances are the marriage won't last. You're not looking for "sex" and I'm sue her response will be "you just want sex". Don't let her try to embarrass you because you have sexual desires.
> 
> Have you considered counseling?





richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> That is absolutely miserable - and sadly quite common. There are many couples who wonderful passionate sex lives, but also many who's sex lives are wretched. You have my complete sympathy, but I really don't have a lot to suggest.
> 
> Do you think she really understands how important this is to you? Is she willing to go to counseling. Even if so, it might not help, some people are just naturally low desire (see all the HD/LD threads here), and nothing will change them.
> ...





Married but Happy said:


> I'm sorry you're feeling stuck, and as long as you can't or won't leave, I think you have few or no realistic options or leverage to change things. If you haven't tried marriage counseling or sex counseling, then they are worth a try - this is too engrained to solve on your own, and frankly, I think you shouldn't hope for too much.



No, we've not tried or even talked about counseling. Honestly, its not something I'd really like to do but if it would help I'd consider it. Seems to me that she just doesn't have a sex drive, has never had a sex drive, and never will have a sex drive. I think I'm just SOL. Again, leaving is not an option. She's actually given me that option on more than one occasion though! She's come right out and asked me if I wanted to leave. She told me if I'm that miserable then maybe I should consider it. She said that she doesn't want me to leave, but she didn't want me to be miserable either. I told her what I'm telling you guys, that is, leaving is not an option at this point. My kids are more important than my sex life. Far more important!


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> No, we've not tried or even talked about counseling. Honestly, its not something I'd really like to do but if it would help I'd consider it. Seems to me that she just doesn't have a sex drive, has never had a sex drive, and never will have a sex drive. I think I'm just SOL. Again, leaving is not an option. She's actually given me that option on more than one occasion though! She's come right out and asked me if I wanted to leave. She told me if I'm that miserable then maybe I should consider it. She said that she doesn't want me to leave, but she didn't want me to be miserable either. I told her what I'm telling you guys, that is, leaving is not an option at this point. My kids are more important than my sex life. Far more important!


Then you are SOL, because you have no leverage and she has no interest in changing so long as that is the case.


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## Helpme01 (Dec 9, 2015)

Would your wife consider getting a hormone check ?

She doesn't sound like shes even meeting you half way with anything when you have spoken about it does she say why she is so adverse to it ?


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## Mr_Frustrated (Dec 9, 2015)

technovelist said:


> Then you are SOL, because you have no leverage and she has no interest in changing so long as that is the case.


I'd have to concur. Oh well, guess I can just start telling her to stick the honey-doo's up her a** and chill in the recliner. What have I got to lose at this point?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> I'd have to concur. Oh well, guess I can just start telling her to stick the honey-doo's up her a** and chill in the recliner. What have I got to lose at this point?


Nothing. 

But that gives you a lot of other options that may or may not work.

Here's how I would start:

1. Buy and read "No More Mr. Nice Guy".
2. Buy and read "Married Man's Sex Life".

Follow the advice in those two books.

The worst that will happen is... nothing, because your situation is already about as bad as it can get, assuming she doesn't go crazy and try to kill you.

The best that can happen is that she realizes that you are actually a desirable man and starts to respond.

Again, you have nothing to lose and possibly something to gain.

So get started!


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## Mr_Frustrated (Dec 9, 2015)

Helpme01 said:


> Would your wife consider getting a hormone check ?
> 
> She doesn't sound like shes even meeting you half way with anything when you have spoken about it does she say why she is so adverse to it ?


She might consider it. I'll certainly bring it up to her. As for why she is the way she is, she just has no interest. And the thing is, I can give her the cold shoulder and get her to at least give me a rub every now and then, but even then its like an obligation. I don't want someone who only does something because she feels obligated to. And I damn sure dont want to have to schedule an appointment with her for her to fulfill an obligation she doesn't even want to keep. I want her to want to!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Will she be open to an idea of an open marriage. I know of some couples where it works where the other cannot meet the sexual drive of another partner. Surprisingly, it has a lower divorce rate than the normal divorce rate. Still, I would say about 30 to 40 percent do run off with another person, but if the rest of the marriage is great, the incident of that occurring i s reduced. It will also take the stress off of her to preform.

The only way is to make a sex life work with her is that she either really has some sexual dysfunction that some behavioral therapy can help with, or she is biologically how she is. Sex drive behavior is based on a spectrum, just like other behavior.

If you do suggest an open marriage, ease her into the idea, or, you are SOL until you either cheat, end up being sexually dysfunctional yourself, resent her and punish her for it, or someday leave.

If you are going to be mentally healthier and be a better off person, perhaps divorce is the best case scenario, since if you both heal and find other mates, you can show what a fulfilling life looks like.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

did your wife have relations with man before she knew you?

the reason i ask is that if the answer is (yes), then maybe there was an urge of some sort way back when.
if the answer is (no), then more likely that she never had an urge to have sex.

is she super religious, or was she brought up so? not that there's anything wrong with these, but sometimes unfortunately
(and wrongly), sex is taught as something nasty and just to have kids. it is not taught as the loving, bonding, supernatural
co-mingling union of flesh between man and woman that was meant to be.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You could try an amicable divorce with 50/50 custody and a civil co-parenting relationship.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> I'd have to concur. Oh well, guess I can just start telling her to stick the honey-doo's up her a** and chill in the recliner. *What have I got to lose at this point?*


She may opt to divorce _you_ once you stop meeting her needs. You'll just end up in the same place you are hoping to avoid - divorced with shared custody of your kids.

Your best bet to improving this situation is counseling. Probably with a psychotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction. @Young at Heart and his wife have had luck with this type of therapy, among several other things. I hope he can provide some insight and advice to help with your situation.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Lila said:


> She may opt to divorce _you_ once you stop meeting her needs. You'll just end up in the same place you are hoping to avoid - divorced with shared custody of your kids.
> 
> Your best bet to improving this situation is counseling. Probably with a psychotherapist specializing in sexual dysfunction. @Young at Heart and his wife have had luck with this type of therapy, among several other things. I hope he can provide some insight and advice to help with your situation.


She may opt for divorce anyway.

Counseling may help if she is interested in fixing the problem. Otherwise, I don't see how it could help.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Mr. Frustrated, 
What I really like about your post is your complete honesty. Most married men cannot accept the fact that their wife "may" be faking an orgasm. You tell it like it is.
That's a great start.

I would start off by telling your wife EXACTLY what you expect for your sex life. You should also be clear about the consequences if this does not happen. Sure, there are many, many extenuating circumstances that many have and or will mention. However, if you are both healthy and relatively normal, there is NO reason you cannot have a good sex life.

On your end, you have to be the kind of man she "wants" to f$ck. A man that she can get "excited" about. Meaning, takes care of himself, dresses well, grooms well, takes care of her and the family, no anger, no whining, confident and good in bed. No passive aggressive behavior and no excuses for both of you. You must be a man with a plan.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Feel for you - we did have sex on our wedding night (and the next morning when we got up) but like you only once on the week long honeymoon. Also understand what you say when you mention that your kids are more important than sex.

I've noticed that my sex drive has diminished quite a bit - since my wife has absolutely no interest in sex, I would take care of myself in the shower. However, in the past six months or so, I've noticed that I can't even do that half the time - I've been deprived so long that it's taken my drive down toward her level. 

I feel for you - it's horribly frustrating, and you feel like you're stuck as you don't want to divorce due to the kids (which I get).


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Feel for you - we did have sex on our wedding night (and the next morning when we got up) but like you only once on the week long honeymoon. Also understand what you say when you mention that your kids are more important than sex.
> 
> I've noticed that my sex drive has diminished quite a bit - since my wife has absolutely no interest in sex, I would take care of myself in the shower. However, in the past six months or so, I've noticed that I can't even do that half the time - I've been deprived so long that it's taken my drive down toward her level.
> 
> I feel for you - it's horribly frustrating, and you feel like you're stuck as you don't want to divorce due to the kids (which I get).


I could have written the EXACT same post as Mr. Frustrated 10 years ago. It can change. Maybe I'm naïve or just pig headed but I really believe change is possible.
My wife actually likes sex now. I never thought it would change.
I mean it's really good and fun. I am always trying to push the envelope and little by little she is getting into it.
We are talking about TWENTY FOUR years of marriage.

Never did I think my wife would urge the kids to go out so that we can get loud, watch porn, and pound like rabbits. NEVER!
Now, it's my reality.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Don't reject the possibility of divorce. She may also be very unhappy because she knows she is making you unhappy. An amicable divorce, equal time with kids, each of you finds someone sexually compatible might not be the worst solution. 





Mr_Frustrated said:


> No, we've not tried or even talked about counseling. Honestly, its not something I'd really like to do but if it would help I'd consider it. Seems to me that she just doesn't have a sex drive, has never had a sex drive, and never will have a sex drive. I think I'm just SOL. Again, leaving is not an option. She's actually given me that option on more than one occasion though! She's come right out and asked me if I wanted to leave. She told me if I'm that miserable then maybe I should consider it. She said that she doesn't want me to leave, but she didn't want me to be miserable either. I told her what I'm telling you guys, that is, leaving is not an option at this point. My kids are more important than my sex life. Far more important!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Chris Taylor said:


> You're having sex with my wife. Stop that right now.
> 
> But to be serious, I think you have to explain to her that without a "fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship" with her chances are the marriage won't last. You're not looking for "sex" and I'm sue her response will be "you just want sex". Don't let her try to embarrass you because you have sexual desires.
> 
> Have you considered counseling?


HE is also having sex with my wife or at least a clone of her for one of the worst parts of our marriage! Again. Stop it!

What you are suggesting is what the sex therapist that helped me and my wife reconcile did. She asked my wife what my wife thought would happen if we never had sex again. After a lot of attempts at diverting the topic or changing it. My wife was finally forced to say we would probably get divorced.

The Sex Therapist then asked me if I had every thought of divorce because of the lack of sex in our marriage. I said yes I had, but I had gotten a number of relationship books and changed myself and the way I treated my wife as I wanted to save our marriage. I then said that I had made a promise to myself that I WOULD be in a loving and intimate relationship with a woman by a certain future birthday and if it meant divorcing my wife and finding someone else I was ready for that and had investigated the divorce laws in our state.

That was a "deer in the headlights" moment for both my wife and the sex therapist. To her credit the Sec Therapist said that was actually a reasonable approach and gave my wife enough time to make changes if she choose to stay married to me. She then told my wife that she had a clear choice and that my wife would need to live with the consequences of my wife's choice to have or not have sex with her husband. She also told my wife that she was lucky I was willing to save the marriage and participating in this therapy.

So my advice to the OP is to echo what you are saying and that is get an outside person to help ask those hard questions of the wife and offer the wife suggestions on what she can do differently as well as what the OP might need to change as well.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

This isn't what I'd normally say in this situation, but:

Maybe do the ol' 180 and lay off the sex for a while. But don't treat her any differently. If she's in tune with anything about the relationship, she'll catch on sooner or later, and start to wonder why you're not showing any sexual interest in her. This will likely bother her, eventually, and she may just find another gear.

Or, it could totally flop, and she'll be glad you're no longer after her for sex. But the silver lining to that is that it makes divorce easier, and detachment MUCH easier.

FWIW, you did mention that the two of you waited for marriage to be intimate. There are pros and cons to that, which most of us know all too well. The biggest con, obviously, is that two people who are in love are not necessarily sexually compatible, and you only find out after the vows are said. It's a real catch-22, especially if waiting for marriage is a religious decision, as divorce is generally frowned upon in the same way. The morality behind it is admirable, as is following God's word, but then you potentially wind up in a situation in which other rules end up broken (infidelity, divorce) and you've effectively wasted numerous years of your life.

In any case, the way you describe your wife's attitude towards sex seems to indicate an aversion, rather than her not being attracted to you. On one hand, it seems as though she recognizes it's a marital duty and there's nothing wrong with it. On the other, it sounds as though she feels there's something wrong with her enjoying it, or even really participating, as if it's a morality thing. She seems to treat it as though it's solely for your benefit. If she had no experience prior to you, then it's easy to understand where this comes from.

The first girl I ever dated treated sex like this, as though it was solely for my benefit. Neither she nor I were religious - it was simply inexperience and the inability to communicate with one another about what we were doing. So it was 3 years of "in and out" until I was done. We didn't know any better, as embarrassing as that is to say now.

15 years after she and I broke up, we got back together, and she's now my wife. And boy, did we ever learn a lot in the meantime!

Experience, within moderation, is generally tantamount to a good sex life. Yes, it is possible to only have ever been with one person and have amazing sex, but lucking out like that and having a right proper compatibility is rare.

Sadly, I think that is part of what your wife is lacking. She genuinely doesn't know any better, and perhaps she was brought up in an environment in which sex is something a wife does for the benefit of her husband. To her, it seems that simply showing up is enough, and enjoying it herself is morally wrong, perhaps.


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## Mr_Frustrated (Dec 9, 2015)

Thanks a lot guys (and gals). Lots of advice and suggestions I need to weigh and think about. I'm gonna mull all this over and I also need to look in the mirror a bit too. I know living with me isn't a piece of freaking cake, and I know I could do more in the way of being more affectionate. It seems that my wife and I are in a bit of a vicious cycle on top of her not having a sex drive. 

You see, she's made the comment recently that I never want to cuddle or snuggle or any of that stuff and all I want to do is have sex or feel her up. And I admit, I don't want to snuggle or cuddle for any great length of time! But that doesn't mean I wont! 

Here is my issue with that.... 
Due to the fact that I rarely get to lay my hands on her beautiful naked body, and the fact that I rarely even get to see her naked body, I'm usually pretty freaking turned on when those chances actually present themselves. So if and when I find myself in a lying position doing the "cuddling" or "snuggling" thing with her, and I haven't had sex in weeks, well then we got a problem Houston! I'm a guy who could easily have sex every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, and I aint getting it but maybe once a month! Its damn hard or even next to impossible for me to snuggle with her warm body without pitching a tent! 

Hell, even the simple act of hugging for a moment gets my engine revving. Watching her walk through the house in a pair of short shorts and a tee shirt in the morning gets my engine going as well. So yeah, when any sort of physical contact is initiated, its not long before I'm feeling her up a little bit and copping a woody. But she takes that not as a compliment that I'm so very attracted to her, but rather she thinks I don't want to hug or snuggle or cuddle and all I want is sex. If she would just understand that if I got some sex, I wouldn't be trying to rip her clothes off every time our bodies pushed against one another.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and suggestions. Im gonna do my best to put it to good use. I'll check back in and give an update sometime soon.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Hit the gym. Rock it at work. Spend your time doing chores and doing things with the kids. Ignore sex entirely. NEVER have sex when your wife is not completely into it. If she is never into it, never have sex.

This will eventually (might take a very long time) work out for you. Either you will eventually get her interested because she finds you attractive or she fears you will leave. Or you will eventually get tired of being rejected and you will leave her.

The key is that if you do the things described above, you will be in the best position to thrive no matter what happens. Maybe your wife decides to have lots of enthusiastic sex with you. Win! Maybe you live up to your potential and wife continues to reject you. OK, not what you prefer but then you divorce and you are well positioned to find someone else who is totally into having sex with you. And you'll have built a solid relationship with your kids that will survive divorce. Also win!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> She might consider it. I'll certainly bring it up to her. As for why she is the way she is, she just has no interest. And the thing is, I can give her the cold shoulder and get her to at least give me a rub every now and then, but even then its like an obligation. I don't want someone who only does something because she feels obligated to. And I damn sure dont want to have to schedule an appointment with her for her to fulfill an obligation she doesn't even want to keep. I want her to want to!


Testoserone cream does work for some women.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> Thanks a lot guys (and gals). Lots of advice and suggestions I need to weigh and think about. I'm gonna mull all this over and I also need to look in the mirror a bit too. I know living with me isn't a piece of freaking cake, and I know I could do more in the way of being more affectionate. It seems that my wife and I are in a bit of a vicious cycle on top of her not having a sex drive.
> 
> You see, she's made the comment recently that I never want to cuddle or snuggle or any of that stuff and all I want to do is have sex or feel her up. And I admit, I don't want to snuggle or cuddle for any great length of time! But that doesn't mean I wont!
> 
> ...


I just posted this in another thread today as well - sit your wife down and have the following conversation with her.

Tell her that you want to try out an idea. Tell her that you feel like whenever you compliment her, she thinks "He is only saying that to get sex:. Tell her that you want to SCHEDULE sex once a week. For the entire week, you will compliment her, snuggle, give backrubs, public displays of affection, etc, with NO STRINGS or SEX attached. Then on a day both of you can agree on, there will be sex. If she is willing to try, take her out on a date, spend some quality time with no expectations.

May also want to get the 5 love languages book and both of you take the quiz. Find out what her top three languages are and work on speaking them to her frequently.

This worked well for me, I am much more relaxed knowing my wife and I will get together sometime during the week, and she can accept my attention and not try to avoid it.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

MrF,
I get why you want to grope her. But the thing is - that feels BAD to her. And I get that the lack of sexual frequency, means you feel intense desire when you have contact with her, but the choices you are making in those situations are making the problem worse.

If you would like, I'll share some unfiltered observations. They are going to be - well - unfiltered. Because your contribution to this situation is a lot larger than you might think. 

The good news is - you can likely improve things. The bad news is, it will not be easy. 

And hey if you mainly came here to vent. That's cool. Lots of other folks here will facilitate that process. 



Mr_Frustrated said:


> Thanks a lot guys (and gals). Lots of advice and suggestions I need to weigh and think about. I'm gonna mull all this over and I also need to look in the mirror a bit too. I know living with me isn't a piece of freaking cake, and I know I could do more in the way of being more affectionate. It seems that my wife and I are in a bit of a vicious cycle on top of her not having a sex drive.
> 
> You see, she's made the comment recently that I never want to cuddle or snuggle or any of that stuff and all I want to do is have sex or feel her up. And I admit, I don't want to snuggle or cuddle for any great length of time! But that doesn't mean I wont!
> 
> ...


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

There are alot of posts on this topic so you you should read read read.

Now, it seems that your wife may be one of the rare actual non sexual wives since she was never sexual with you. But if you want to stay married you should set that though process aside and start experimenting with personal behavioral changes that could uncork her inner sexuality. There are no guarantees and alot of trial and error.

Think about anything you are doing that is not attractive. Groping, innuendos, weakness, insecurity, showing frustration, showing anger, not being a good father, being weak socially with others, lack of indepentent hobbies, not making enough money, being subservient to your family... Think about your wife like any other woman you would try to attract.


Think about her non sexual needs. Are you meeting them? Is she happy in life? Are you engaged with your family? Are you funny? Do you spend time together? DO YOU MAKE HER FEEL GOOD ABOUT HERSELF? If you are not making her feel good she will not want to have sex with you, guaranteed. If you are sure you are doing a good job of meeting her needs (trial and error is your friend, as is the book the 5 Love Languages), then move on to the ideas below.

Think about what you are accepting. If you accept bad sex, complaints about sex, an agenda of a sexless marriage, that's what you will get. Don't accept a bad sex life. There is a huge population of women that were raised to believe sex is bad and they need to justify to themselves why they are doing it. And the fact that they know their man will not tolerate it (and they want to keep that man, and the man sets up his marrage where his opinion is worthy of people's respect) is crucial to their internal justifications. Before you run right to divorce, there is a huge spectrum here. But you jumping through hoops in "giving" while you are not receiving is the first step. If you wife does not meet your needs and still expects you to meet hers, then you are being a doormat. 

It's not good that your wife already told you to leave, because this means that a) you are not valuable enough for her to want to keep or b) she does not see the path to you attaining happiness from what she is able to provide. You fix "a" yourself (if it applies) but "b" you have to provide her with a path, let her understand that it's a process and not a switch flip, and it's about steps and progress.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> I'll check back in and give an update sometime soon.


Generally speaking "trying something" tends to work. But I do see you have some issues that are going to cause you to crash and burn repeatedly:

• You want her to want it! (Her feelings belong to her, and you can not control them. If anything you should be respectful of how she actually feels and give her space so that she is allowed to explore her own feelings)

• Her sexuality is likely completely different than yours! Her favorite thing very well may be to get you aroused, but if she can not control how and when you get aroused, this can become extremely frustrating for her. Imagine yourself a professional chef and you want to prepare an exquisite meal for your wife, and as soon as you get home from grocery shopping she rips the bags apart and starts eating up all your ingredients! 

• Be appreciative of when she pleasures you, even if she does not seem in the mood. Odds are she has a "responsive desire" and as soon as she experiences you enjoying yourself and being grateful to her, she will join in the fun!

• Don't be such a püssy about getting rejected! Women need to test their husbands to make sure we are emotionally strong. If she rejects you for sex, find a way to be playful about that not bothering you. An example might be to snap your fingers and pretend like you instantly went limp and that there will be nothing she can do to get you aroused for a long time. Say that it is just like those special lights in gymnasiums that take an hour to turn back on once they are turned off. This will mess with her mind, and then she will grab your crotch to prove you are lying, then be amazed that she has special powers and that you have NO IDEA how she got you back hard SO FAST!!! Women adore this type of playfulness, because it shows you are being respectful of her feelings in a fun way. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

There are three possible scenarios going on here:

1. Your wife is sexually repressed and will be with any man.

2. Your wife does not feel safe and comfortable with you, so she can't be vulnerable and trust you in the bedroom.

3. You have not established an emotional connection with your wife/haven't met her needs, so she doesn't want you. For women, sexual attraction is about far more than looks and penis size and stamina. 

Most men go straight to #1. Or they think she needs hormones (which, by the way, no one has shown to work one lick for a woman's sex drive). A woman's sex drive is much more complicated. Read this article: Women's desire for sex is complicated - CNN.com

So, don't go to the gym, don't send her to her OB/GYN for hormones, and don't even bother with a sex therapist. Start by asking your wife if she's happy. Does she feel emotionally satisfied and connected to you. Her answer will point you down the right path. Hope you can handle her answer. Whatever you do, don't get defensive and angry after asking this question, assuming she does open up to you. You do that, and you'll be sexless until your last child leaves the house.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> A woman's sex drive is much more complicated.


NO, it is not complicated. It is just counterintuitive that most women think they can somehow steer with the brakes. Now some manage to do it! If you have ever been on a powerful farming tractor, you'll know that there are actually RIGHT and LEFT brakes and that you DO actually use them help to steer! 


*BADSANTA'S SEX DRIVE OPERATOR'S MANUAL*

MEN = Gas pedal and a steering wheel. (notice the lack of brakes)
WOMEN = Brakes and a horn. (notice the lack of a gas pedal)

Once correctly combined you have a fully functional vehicle for nonstop fun and excitement. 


Cheers,
Badsanta


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

alexm said:


> This isn't what I'd normally say in this situation, but:
> 
> Maybe do the ol' 180 and lay off the sex for a while. But don't treat her any differently. If she's in tune with anything about the relationship, she'll catch on sooner or later, and start to wonder why you're not showing any sexual interest in her. This will likely bother her, eventually, and she may just find another gear.


I found (in couple of relationships) that didn't work at all.
I thought the "pressuring" might have stressful or feeling like a service/obligation and ruining the arousal. In fact in one partner, she said "just let me know if you are likely to want it (before you visit) so I can mentally de-stress and prepare, otherwise I sit on tenterhooks all evening not knowing if I have to perform, and I'll be distracted. 
She was one of these ones that when you go to get intimate in that pre-foreplay stage, she'd unload at least 2 hours of trival whatever is happening in her life crap on me. kids, work, tv. And she used to complain that I didn't finish quickly and it would take too long and she was tired next day. You know usual, wouldn't sent kids to bed until 9 - 9:30, give hour of downtime so 10 - 10:30 before us time. 2 hrs minimum c.ckblocking tedium... wonder why it so late, and most of the time she finish well before me).

Yes "I was the best" etc, but the "appointment" system only lasted 2 months before she would find her schedule was always full when I phoned to see if she was busy. Always me calling of course. _So_ felt like phone a prostitute (not that I've ever done that).

But what I found is "giving space" is _purely_ catering to their comfort and for them it just means everything is more convenient for them - there's not even a problem anymore since you're not upset/complaining - so that's just fine for her to do what she wants to do, in a relationship, which given the the signs, is already in her mind all about her (and her kids).


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

badsanta said:


> NO, it is not complicated. It is just counterintuitive that most women think they can somehow steer with the brakes. Now some manage to do it! If you have ever been on a powerful farming tractor, you'll know that there are actually RIGHT and LEFT brakes and that you DO actually use them help to steer!
> 
> 
> *BADSANTA'S SEX DRIVE OPERATOR'S MANUAL*
> ...


Brakes and horns and steering wheels is funny stuff. While amusing, I do hope the many, many men reading TAM listen to the women here. They need to understand what is going on with the woman who doesn't want to have sex with them.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Brakes and horns and steering wheels is funny stuff. While amusing, I do hope the many, many men reading TAM listen to the women here. They need to understand what is going on with the woman who doesn't want to have sex with them.


That assumes the following:
1. Women here are completely forthright in their comments, not having a hidden agenda of any kind.
2. Women here actually know what their motivations are and how they respond to men's behavior.
3. Women here are representative of other women that the men are dealing with.

Are these guaranteed to be true?


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

technovelist said:


> That assumes the following:
> 1. Women here are completely forthright in their comments, not having a hidden agenda of any kind.
> 2. Women here actually know what their motivations are and how they respond to men's behavior.
> 
> Are these completely guaranteed to be true?


Why would you come here for advice and then question whether a woman offering her perspective is forthright and what her motivations are? And what's the motivation and forthrightness of horns and brakes and gas pedals? 

If you doubt a woman who posts and encourages you to ask your woman if she's happy with your relationship and would rather dance around the topic, then I guess you'll get what you've always gotten. Men may not want to hear what the truth is from their women, but to that I say, don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to.

And by the way, if you want a complete guarantee that what someone says is true, then certainly don't go looking for answers from strangers on the Internet!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Mr_Frustrated said:


> She might consider it. I'll certainly bring it up to her. As for why she is the way she is, she just has no interest. And the thing is, I can give her the cold shoulder and get her to at least give me a rub every now and then, but even then its like an obligation. I don't want someone who only does something because she feels obligated to. And I damn sure dont want to have to schedule an appointment with her for her to fulfill an obligation she doesn't even want to keep. I want her to want to!


Couple things at first glance....how can you not know for sure if she's "even ever really had an orgasm"? You need to figure this out. There needs...NEEDS to be communication! How can you "fix" something if you don't even know it's broken? If she's not having orgasms, she's not going to enjoy sex much...beyond the closeness and bonding that occurs during this. But it appears she could care less about that aspect of it anyway. So, you need to give her motivation to have sex. That means orgasms, and.....

Also means the knowledge (and fear) that you will be gone if this continues. You've somewhat sunk that option with the "will never leave the kids" thing. She knows she doesn't have to change or attempt change, because you're not going anywhere. You need to reverse that train of thought with her. Believe me, she WANTS and NEEDS to "work" to keep you in order to be attracted to you. When she feels like you are going to be there no matter what kind of crap she pulls, she is losing attraction for you. No sexual attraction, and no need to change. It's a libido killer for women.

Other good suggestions here (Married Man Sex Life is a good start), but she needs to be put on notice at some point. Start getting your crap together. Look, behave, and plan to be getting ready to get out on your own again. With confidence. Look better, behave better, get in better shape, and start looking at separate living options. You don't need to follow through, but she does not need to know that. But she needs to FEEL IT (the possibility you are thinking of this and actually taking steps towards it)! 

Done right, you'll get her attention. And she'll start to worry you may be on your way out, or at a minimum, becoming a target or option for other women. 

Once you have her full attention, it is time to "lay down the law" so to speak. You refuse to live like this. You both WILL work on this together. Communication MUST improve. You want a fulfilling sex life with the woman you love. You want the woman you love to have orgasms and enjoy her time in the sack with you, and you are willing to go the extra mile and make it happen, but you can't do it in the vacuum of a relationship with no communication where you are left guessing and stabbing at things in the dark.

Act with confidence, and without anger through all this, and she should hopefully take notice and begin to respond. Fall back to the doormat routine where she believes she can do whatever she pleases because you'll never leave, and all will be lost. 

Make her desire you, and she'll love you for it (and want to have sex with you). Desire, at this juncture, can only be built by her feeling you pull away (in a non-angry, confident way), and fearing she may lose you. 

Too late now, but in my opinion, while certainly commendable, waiting until marriage to have sex is like throwing your life savings away at a one chance shot of trying to win the lottery. You could get lucky, but chances are great you just pissed away your life savings! She didn't even have to do the "bait and switch" because you were hooked before there was even bait on the hook.

To put a fine point on it, you know you may not leave, and you don't have to, but she had better believe you may, and will. Lacking that, there is no reason for her to explore and desire change.


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

She's doesn't enjoy sex. Never has, never will from the sounds of it. She's setting up a moving target by saying if you snuggled more I'd be more interested in sex. When you do that, the target will suddenly move and you'll be running in another direction. 

Try testing her on it and see for yourself.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Spitfire said:


> She's doesn't enjoy sex. Never has, never will from the sounds of it. She's setting up a moving target by saying if you snuggled more I'd be more interested in sex. When you do that, the target will suddenly move and you'll be running in another direction.
> 
> Try testing her on it and see for yourself.


It's not about snuggling! It's about valuing her and loving her without it having to lead to sex. Women want to be valued for who they are. She wants to feel his love before his lust.

And doing the, "You better have sex with me or I'm gone routine" won't work. Ultimatums are a last resort. Try communication first. If all else fails, at least you know you tried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

The OP's wife did say it was because of a lack of cuddling & snuggling lol. My point is if a person has never felt a desire to have sex, would any action by the OP "awaken" a desire that simply doesn't appear to be there?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SurpriseMyself said:


> It's not about snuggling! It's about valuing her and loving her without it having to lead to sex. Women want to be valued for who they are. She wants to feel his love before his lust.



Then get a puppy. And don't tie up a man in marriage if you haven't sorted your sexual attraction to him out.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Then get a puppy. And don't tie up a man in marriage if you haven't sorted your sexual attraction to him out.


Don't marry a woman if you don't know to love if it doesn't involve your penis. Hire a prostitute or get a friend with benefits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Don't marry a woman if you don't know to love if it doesn't involve your penis. Hire a prostitute or get a friend with benefits.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I agree. And I still think both sides need to figure it out before marriage. Don't marry if you don't want sex with your partner. And don't marry if you only want sex with your partner. Either way is selfish.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

General reaction,
Someone complimented the OP on his honesty. Hmmm. 

That wasn't my reaction at all. Not saying the OP was dishonest. Just that this is an extremely 'incomplete' story. 

Sex once on the honeymoon - and it was horrible. Absolutely no clarity at all on that. Just that it was one day out of a week - and horrible. 

Won't leave due to kids. Ok. But it's also true that they were married for 5 years BEFORE their first child. Could have left at any time before kids. Chose not to. Could have pressed hard to fix sex life before kids.  Chose not to. 

Does NOT want to attend marriage counseling now. 

Gropes his wife - and doesn't really respond to her cues very well. 

This is a guy with a LOT of issues. 






WorkingOnMe said:


> I agree. And I still think both sides need to figure it out before marriage. Don't marry if you don't want sex with your partner. And don't marry if you only want sex with your partner. Either way is selfish.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Agreed. Something doesn't add up.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

SurpriseMyself said:


> It's not about snuggling! It's about valuing her and loving her without it having to lead to sex. Women want to be valued for who they are. She wants to feel his love before his lust.
> 
> And doing the, "You better have sex with me or I'm gone routine" won't work. Ultimatums are a last resort. Try communication first. If all else fails, at least you know you tried.


Yes. This.

And also, instead of immediately leaping to the conclusion that *she* is the one who is broken because the sex was horrible, think about what might actually make it good for her. If sex itself is crappy for her, it's unlikely she'll be inspired to enjoy it.


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## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

always_alone said:


> Yes. This.
> 
> And also, instead of immediately leaping to the conclusion that *she* is the one who is broken....


And yes, but recently heard a very short simple way to say these things:

 *"Seek to understand, before you seek to be understood."*


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## alltheprettyflowers (Jul 24, 2015)

Quit making sex to be more than it is. You created the kids, thats what sex is for. What is the big deal of having sex on a regular basis? Maybe get on some psychiatric medications, those should calm you down right away.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

alltheprettyflowers said:


> Quit making sex to be more than it is. You created the kids, thats what sex is for. What is the big deal of having sex on a regular basis? Maybe get on some psychiatric medications, those should calm you down right away.


If you are single, you should let any potential husbands know that you feel this way on your first date.

If you are married, ask your husband to join TAM.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

intheory said:


> Yeah, God forbid that men have any feelings or frailties, you know, like ordinary mortals. Who would want to be with someone who expected all of this as a pre-condition for having sex?
> 
> And grown-up women need to meet their own non-sexual needs; and take responsibility for being happy in life. No-one else is responsible for making you feel good about yourself, if you are older than 16.
> 
> ...


I completely understand where you're coming from. Your way is fair. Unfortunately life is not fair. I could and DID exactly what I should not have done for 20 years. What did I get in return? A fat asss and no sex. 
I cannot change the fact that women like to have sex or want to have sex with men that exhibit certain traits.

I either call bullshiit and do what I want and get little to no real sex or I find out what "she" needs and wants and get some great mutual sex. It's really up to you. You decide what is most important.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

UMP said:


> I completely understand where you're coming from. Your way is fair. Unfortunately life is not fair. I could and DID exactly what I should not have done for 20 years. What did I get in return? A fat asss and no sex.
> I cannot change the fact that women like to have sex or want to have sex with men that exhibit certain traits.
> 
> I either call bullshiit and do what I want and get little to no real sex or I find out what "she" needs and wants and get some great mutual sex. It's really up to you. You decide what is most important.


All men need to understand the mechanisms of female sexual response.

It's really that simple.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

technovelist said:


> All men need to understand the mechanisms of female sexual response.
> 
> It's really that simple.


AND respond to it. Some men, as you frequently see on TAM just don't think it's worth it. They just say "F" it and watch the ball game.
In my own circumstance the "changes" I had to enact were life changing and hard as hell. In order to accommodate my wifes female sexual response I had to make a commitment and stick to it. Not only that, but it takes years to see real concrete results.

That is asking ALOT for some men, maybe even most men.
Add to that a loss of testosterone as a man gets older and you're in the virtual Sahara sex desert before you can say WTF.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

intheory said:


> But I feel really sorry for men when I read it. I mean if you're supposed to do all this šhít, what's she supposed to do?
> 
> I get it. You want sex. What does it take to get it. But doing all this crap makes your wife even more the ruler over you. You're tap-dancing as fast as you can, while she just sits there.


Here is the kicker. You would naturally come to that conclusion, but the opposite is true. I believe a woman needs all this from a man in order to be able to submit themselves to him. 

What kind of woman wants to happily submit to a man that is an emotional, physical marshmellow? They CAN'T and they WON'T and rightfully so. (they may grudgingly do so, but will be miserable)

When a man takes the lead and does all the shiit he is supposed to do for himself, wife and family, things fall into place. My wife is SO much more amicable and pliable than before. The more I do what I am supposed to be doing as a man and father, the more my wife respects me, wants to please me and do what I want to do, sexually and otherwise. It's a win-win.

As a man, this is also empowering. You start doing what you are supposed to do and all of a sudden you have this woman happily clutching your arm and smiling. It gives you the boost to keep going.
It feeds a mans inner man. It's what we are born to do. Lead.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

intheory said:


> "emotional and physical marshmallow" is the other extreme. No functioning adult should be that.
> 
> If it works for you @UMP, great, I guess. I hope the return is worth the immense investment.
> 
> ...


Every move I made to better myself, my wife followed.
I lost weight, she will be 50 in Feb. and is a hot milf if I've ever seen one. She lost 25 pounds. Works out and weighs the same as she did in high school.
She keeps the house clean as hell.
She sews up our clothes and cleans everything.
She gets up at the crack of dawn to make our kids school lunch and get them going (they are 16 and 18 and could do this themselves)
She grows and cans Tomatoes for the whole year.
She budgets very well and only buys what is needed. Very frugal.

Keep in mind that she is the primary care giver to our 21 year old mentally handicapped daughter. She would work, but cannot due to our daughter. Trust me, she would rather have a typical child and work full time. 

She always dresses well when we go out and always wears makeup.
She surprises me with sleezy outfits and tries her best to accommodate my kinkiness.

Great cook. Can entertain as good as anybody.

The more I become the best man/husband I can be, the more she becomes the best woman/wife she can be.
Truth be told, she has always been a great mother and wife, but the sex was bad. I only blame myself for that.

When I changed, she really amped up the sex and her physical appearance to keep up with me.

So to answer your question, you're probably right. However, I can't answer that personally because my wife has always been great (more or less) in all the aspects you mention. However, she could not fully give her sexual self to the man I "was." She could do everything else, but not the sex part.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

A man comes in looking for help to improve his sex life and says he doesn't want to divorce his wife.

The only advice I can offer is for him to look at all the things he may be doing to contribute to the situation and stop doing them.

Any person who tries a certain approach over years and years and finds that it does not work needs to find a different approach.

And, telling your wife that this situation is BS and you expect her to be sexual because she is married (your advice paraphrased by me) can definitely work.

As I said, trial and error is his friend.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

alltheprettyflowers said:


> Quit making sex to be more than it is. You created the kids, thats what sex is for. What is the big deal of having sex on a regular basis? Maybe get on some psychiatric medications, those should calm you down right away.


Sex can be way more than creating kids, but to some that is pretty much all that it is.

Sex can literally emotionally bond two people into one. Some people don't like to feel that close to someone else. Some people when they feel close, smoother their sex partner.

There is no right or wrong amount of sex between two people anymore than there is the right amount of chocolate ice cream in a marriage. Still, some sex, in an amount and type that both enjoy is healthy for a marriage. That doesn't mean that each or even just one has to be thrilled with the frequency or type of sex, just that they are in agreement as to it.

I hope that if you are married, that you and your husband have reached a compromise that you both feel comfortable with.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

UMP said:


> Every move I made to better myself, my wife followed.
> I lost weight, she will be 50 in Feb. and is a hot milf if I've ever seen one. She lost 25 pounds. Works out and weighs the same as she did in high school.
> She keeps the house clean as hell.
> She sews up our clothes and cleans everything.
> ...


This should be a stickie! This man stepped up and found the answer. So many men on TAM are so bitter they can't see the great life they could have if only they found it in themselves to love their wives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

intheory said:


> Yeah, God forbid that men have any feelings or frailties, you know, like ordinary mortals. Who would want to be with someone who expected all of this as a pre-condition for having sex?
> 
> And grown-up women need to meet their own non-sexual needs; and take responsibility for being happy in life. No-one else is responsible for making you feel good about yourself, if you are older than 16.
> 
> ...


A grown up woman needs to meet her own non-sexual needs? Really? So love and respect and a feeling of connection should be coming from outside the marriage? I hope you don't mean that! Emotional affairs happen for this very reason. Marriage is not solely about sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

alltheprettyflowers said:


> Quit making sex to be more than it is. You created the kids, thats what sex is for. What is the big deal of having sex on a regular basis? Maybe get on some psychiatric medications, those should calm you down right away.


Unless your someone who feels love through physical intimacy....if it is more than a few days since being intimate with my wife, I start to loose the emotional closeness with her. She becomes like a room mate and not a wife. It would be no different than if I rarely showed her emotional intimacy.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Divinely Favored said:


> Unless your someone who feels love through physical intimacy....if it is more than a few days since being intimate with my wife, I start to loose the emotional closeness with her. She becomes like a room mate and not a wife. It would be no different than if I rarely showed her emotional intimacy.


Good on you for seeing both sides! You give and you get - you stay connected through sex AND emotional intimacy. 

Too many men seem to think women shouldn't expect anything from their husband's than a paycheck in order to want sex with him, and they couldn't be further from the truth. When men stop viewing women as a "life support system for their vaginas" and start treating them like human beings, they will get a lot out of their marriage/dating relationship.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

ALL women have a sex dive, and most really want sex, give her one night with Brad Pitt or <insert her dream man here> and she'll be doing things you never imagined with him. My wife and I had great sex when younger, we hit a big lul where it sucked or was greatly reduced, it just so happened it coincided with years where I wasn't exactly in great shape and she looked great. 

Sex dies once one party stops feeling attracted to the other, I would imagine your wife isn't very attracted to you anymore and that's causing a lot of this.

Your best bet is to hit the gym, stop begging for or otherwise demanding sex. Sex should be freely given by your wife, she should want to fvck you, if she doesn't, you have to change things up. She'll either notice the changes and that attraction will fire up, or she won't, if she doesn't you're in good shape for the next woman.


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

I just want to chime in about your last resort option, leaving. Hopefully you exhaust every other option before this point, but I don't agree with the common logic that a spouse or couple stays together until the kids are 18 and out of the house. Don't you think a divorce while your kids go off to college wouldn't still have a significant impact on them? There is never a good point to leave, but the best point to leave is as soon as you know nothing will get better. I'd rather my daughter adjust to a separation at a young age and have time to adapt to it rather than wrecking her emotionally at an age where her decisions will impact the rest of her life. It's ugly either way though. I'm sorry you're in your situation, and I really hope you can make it work.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

intheory said:


> Yes, for the most part.
> 
> I don't view my husband loving and respecting me as a "non-sexual need"; I view it as essential to us even being together.
> 
> ...


We very much agree, actually. I am my own person, work hard, have my own life and goals and my own happiness. What I want in a relationship includes a shared happiness in the other and an emotional connection. If that isn't there, then all you have is a FWB plus a financial contract. Don't need that, don't want that. I'm done settling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MichelleR (Jan 6, 2016)

I'm really sorry you're so frustrated. It doesn't seem like she ever had much desire. It's not like she was attracted to you when you got married and lost her attraction over time. I agree the problem was you married her before finding out how compatible you are sexually.

Do you think she finds you attractive physically? Do you think she would be sexually interested in anyone? Does she have strong religious views that make her so strict? I'm not religious myself but doesn't the bible even say something about women giving their bodies freely to their husbands? Did her parents shame her growing up regarding anything related to her body or sex? What about the first few years of your marriage? Did you consider leaving then? Is she giving in other ways or is she more selfish in general?

I have a lot of questions but little advice, sorry. I hope you can figure something out. I have three little kids too so I know that when I get mad at my husband and think about leaving (happens when we fight sometimes) I'm reminded of how devastated they would be. An open marriage is starting to sound like an okay possibility if she's at all receptive to it but I kind of doubt she'd want that from what you told us.


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## Theunguy (Jan 25, 2016)

Can i ask why u didn't have sex before u married?


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## bc3543 (Aug 24, 2015)

knobcreek said:


> ALL women have a sex dive, and most really want sex, give her one night with Brad Pitt or <insert her dream man here> and she'll be doing things you never imagined with him. My wife and I had great sex when younger, we hit a big lul where it sucked or was greatly reduced, it just so happened it coincided with years where I wasn't exactly in great shape and she looked great.
> 
> Sex dies once one party stops feeling attracted to the other, I would imagine your wife isn't very attracted to you anymore and that's causing a lot of this.


Dude, the OP said they didn't even have sex but once on their honeymoon. I don't think he is the issue here, at least not all of it.


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