# OM is fishing. What should I do?



## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

My wife showed me a text she recieved today on her work phone. It was blank but was a new number from the community that the OM lives. He would have had to get a new cell number because he quit his job and they had been communicating through thier work cells during the affair. We did not know for sure it was him so my fWW'd boss phoned the numbered and told us he got the OM's voicemail. I wasn't sure if I should call or not. Triggered me bad when we were discussing it so I wasn't ready to deal with it. Now we know it's him what should we do. We sent the NC letter and my fWW swears she never broke it. What should I do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Take a picture of a headstone and send it back.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

dingerdad said:


> What should I do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Call the a**h*** and ring him out....if he has a BS, give her a call.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

find out where he is fishing,,, i think you could figure something out...hummmm=== alone in the mountains,nonoe around for miles...possibilities are endless.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

First, you WW should be getting a new number.

Second, is there anyway to reach out and share the love with his wife or gf?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> First, you WW should be getting a new number.
> 
> Second, is there anyway to reach out and share the love with his wife or gf?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Contact him yourself and tell him to f off the way I told OM. It works pretty good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Allybabe_18 (Dec 24, 2011)

I swear to anything ever that I did not break NC. All I said to my boss was, "do u recognize this #######? ". He said no, do u want me to call it? Yes. Then he said, it is Him. I got his vm. 
My boss then offered to Phn him & tell him to stay out of our lives. He is no longer with company & wud have no reason to contact our office or me. I told him I wud tell Dinger that offer & let him know. 
I'm not sure what the best plan is. Dinger Phn & tell him to go fly a kite & get F-ed? Or completely ignore it & let it eat OM that we r better than him to not acknowledge it. 
It infuriates me. I just want to start rebuilding my marriage & stop hurting my H. Things like this out of my control are hard to handle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ally, get a new phone number ASAP.

Post the OMto cheaterville
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Ally, get a new phone number ASAP.
> 
> Post the OMto cheaterville
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, get a new number but maybe somehow let the OM know that if he continues you will post his name on Cheaterville and possibly follow up with other unfortunate (for him) actions.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

I emailed his wife. I have no idea if they are still together after the affair but I have her info from that time. I also threw in a couple tidbits that I have since learned about the affair. He could easily lie about a blank text but he'll feel the stung from this new info.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Be glad your fWW showed you the text. Trust is what is lost, not hope or faith.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

other than that e-mail, i would not give him the satisfaction of any contact what so ever.
just get a new number and make sure no one gets it that he may get it from.


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## Allybabe_18 (Dec 24, 2011)

I wish getting a new number was easier but it isn't. I have 694 clients I deal with yearly, probably 200ish on a weekly basis as well as a very large geographic area so changing my number wud be a nightmare for trying to redirect calls from the admin desk & redistribute my new number while maintaining my business. Contact info is easily obtained from our company website, toll free line or even in published literature. If he wanted my new number he çud get it in a heartbeat. BUT I will continue complete transparency, dinger has told his w & all we can do is move forward ensuring our focus is us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If getting a new number is out of the question, you could block his number.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> If getting a new number is out of the question, you could block his number.


true, that should be easy, unless he gets another number.
or if he continues calling, get the police involved for harassment.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Ignore him, there's nothing more to it. Your wife is evidently 100% past the fog and determined to fix the marriage. He can fish all he likes so long as your wife doesn't take the bait. It would be unnecessary for your wife to get a number as it would be as she said a logistical nightmare for her clients.

Just block his number or anyother number he tries to call with.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

My AP sporadically contacted me for a while. My $.02 is to ignore it and run not walk to Dinger if you get anything else. Nothing really says F You like being ignored. If he keeps up you and Dinger may have to go explain it to him together as a united front.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Informing the OM's W is fine and absolutely if there is any further attempt at contact, run don't walk to tell Dinger. If there is another attempt--especially at your work number--I would suggest that Dinger write a letter, send it certified, that says that any contact from him is unwelcome and that since you have both stated that contact is unwelcome, any further attempts at contact will be viewed as pre-meditated harassment and will be reported to the police. If he will not stop, report it to the police and go get a restraining order using the letter and the police report as legal evidence. THEN if he still will not stop you can have his butt thrown in jail!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Ignore it.
He didn`t even have the balls to leave a message.

It`ll take him a month to get up the courage to call again if he can.

If he does call him and threaten his life.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Ignore anything and everything from him totally.

ANY kind of response gives him satisfaction knowing that he can still have an effect on you.

Ignoring everything shows him he is not even worth the time it would take to tell him to go to hell.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

TDSC60 said:


> Ignore anything and everything from him totally.
> 
> ANY kind of response gives him satisfaction knowing that he can still have an effect on you.
> 
> Ignoring everything shows him he is not even worth the time it would take to tell him to go to hell.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

There is no reason to even give him anything. If he keeps it up then take action. A lawyer can draft a warning to stop all harassment NC letter and is more likely to have an affect then one writen by you. Some will charge a small fee for this but a lawyers letter head is better then anything else to freak a person out.
We used this route when my H's step mom started stalking our children and calling leaving threats on the voice mail.A real nut job she is) It ended things real fast. Plus we have it on file if she comes back at us again.

Hope he stays away. best of luck and your wife did a great thing coming to you with it


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Allybabe_18 said:


> I swear to anything ever that I did not break NC. All I said to my boss was, "do u recognize this #######? ". He said no, do u want me to call it? Yes. Then he said, it is Him. I got his vm.


So you are the wife who cheated, posting on this same thread as your betrayed spouse?

Wow that's rather.. different. Glad you two were able to work it out.

How about have hubby text the OM back and say "We have switched phones, and I don't want to hear from you again, thank you very much". 

That might do it.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

I know what you are saying about fishing. The OM in my wife's affair keeps fishing about once a month. He does it through email. Since gmail can't total block we have to set up a filter. And yes we could change her email but like a phone that is hard when you have so many contact already with one email.
If it gets excessive or hostile we will contact the police but for now they go into a special folder in case we need proof


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Allybabe_18 said:


> I wish getting a new number was easier but it isn't. I have 694 clients I deal with yearly, probably 200ish on a weekly basis as well as a very large geographic area so changing my number wud be a nightmare for trying to redirect calls from the admin desk & redistribute my new number while maintaining my business. Contact info is easily obtained from our company website, toll free line or even in published literature. If he wanted my new number he çud get it in a heartbeat. BUT I will continue complete transparency, dinger has told his w & all we can do is move forward ensuring our focus is us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Waaaahhhhhh, you need some cheese to go with your whine?... Tough shizit, you cheated, suck it up.. If you have to change your number and call everyone of your 694 clients and inform them of the change then that's the price you pay..


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Bandit said:


> Waaaahhhhhh, you need some cheese to go with your whine?... Tough shizit, you cheated, suck it up.. If you have to change your number and call everyone of your 694 clients and inform them of the change then that's the price you pay..


Normally, I would agree with this, but technology makes it so easy to find people. If she changed her number and he wanted to bad enough, he'd still find her. The OM also used to work at her company, so he could find her that way pretty easily as well.

That said, the argument regarding changing the number is still pretty weak. We just changed our cell phone numbers at work - you send a blast email out to your clients. Done.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

hisfac said:


> How about have hubby text the OM back and say "We have switched phones, and I don't want to hear from you again, thank you very much".
> 
> That might do it.


Indeed. Another thing dinger can do is text him something along the lines of "How do you think I knew you were back? Ali told me". I doubt the OM after that would want to continue trying to get in touch with her if he knew that she was going to inform her husband of any attempt by him to communicate with her.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

How about sending bandit over to give him a nice talking too...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> How about sending bandit over to give him a nice talking too...


I'll bet he sh!t his pant, I would if I were the OM.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> I'll bet he sh!t his pant, I would if I were the OM.


Why im getting the feeling that Bandit would not mind.
To have a "intellektuell" conversation whit OM.
over a couple of beer.About how its not cool, to chase
married women


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Whats working for me and the Mrs. the-guy, is just ignor it. My W would get a few "whats up" text, especially late at night. 

We engaged in one and the OM's and he replied and it just turned into 1/2 hour of drama of what my W did and what he did, and who was the dishonest one, and it was just this bs about who was wrong. 

The best results we get is when she simple ignores the text.

I cross refrence with my " data base" and we can tell which OM is trying to hook up, but they try once and then thats it they are never heard from again.

So it is my experience that when you are informed of OM (or in my case OM's) fishing, just ignore it, it will go away as soon as the OM feels the rejection of not getting a responce. That in its self is worth more then any reply you can offer to OM.

In hind sight I think when we did reply to the one and only OM to replt too, that it may have looked like it was my own doing, like I caught his text as the snooping husband, rather then my wifes making a statement for her self by simplely not replying. We should have never engaged in that POS, but you live and learn.


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