# how do you share expenses and money?how do you buy gifts for each other?



## ddpp (Jan 12, 2012)

hi. Getting married on March. the money talk came up. 

1 How much do you earn in one month?

2 how much does your spouse earn in one month?

3 Do you share expenses according to the percentage of total income you each make?Say total income per month is $4000.A makes 3000(75%of total) B makes 1000 (25%of total).Expenses $2000 so A pays 75% of total expenses (1500) B pays 25% of total expenses (500) then save or spend the rest as they each like
Or
Do you put all money in one a/c and pay expenses from that?
Or 
do you manage in some other way like save A’s salary and spend from B's salary?

4 If you put all money in one a/c and pay expenses from that how do you take out fun money? According to the percentage?(say total fun money 200 so A takes 150 and B takes 50 according to the percentage of total income they each make)
or 
do you share the fun money 50/50?

5 how much do you spend for gifts for your spouse in 1 year?/on birthday,anniversary etc?

6 how much does your spouse spend for gifts for you in 1 year?/on birthday,anniversary etc?


7 do you set a limit when giving gifts to your husband/wife? 
if you do,how do you decide the amount when husband and wife earn different amounts? like,if husband earns $150,000 and wife earns $50,000 per year how do you set the amount when buying gifts for the wedding anniversary etc?

is it he buys her gifts worth $100 and she buys him gifts worth $100
or
is it he buys her gifts worth $300 and she buys him gifts worth $100 etc?

we have decided some things.just want to know what others do


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## Efferus (Dec 28, 2011)

Well, my partner can't manage money for sh*t so I take care of all the finances. We bought a house in June of 2011 so shortly before that we got a joint account and all things are paid from that account. We both make around the same amount of money (I probably make a little more) so the expenses are shared 50/50 I suppose though at this point I'm not really tracking the money as mine vs his. 

Gifts are few and far between as we have 6 kids between us and that is expensive LOL. We didn't buy for each other this Christmas and he makes some money on the side modding XBoxes so when my birthday rolled around back in September he used that money to buy for me. Not sure what I'll do for his birthday in February but I have no issues with him or I taking money from the joint account for this sort of thing no do we assign a dollar value based one what the other makes. 

As for fun money, well, there is none. Remember, 6 kids LOL. That's not to say we don't have fun or spend money we just discuss it first and there's no set amount allotted to this. If he needs or wants to make a purchase he will simply run it by me to ensure that we have enough money and that he's not taking money that's already spoken for. 

Since I took over the finances all of our bills (including his personal stuff) get paid on time and we don't fight about it anymore either. It can be tricky though because you can't be the keeper of the money either. There has to be room for the other person to feel like they can still make smaller purchases without the other partner getting upset. If my partner makes a purchase I don't approve of I will have a damn good reason for not approving and I'll calmly explain why it was a bad idea so as to avoid conflict in the future but you certainly can't be the money nazi about it.

It's not uncommon for married couples to maintain their own financial independence and then have a shared account for bills to be paid from. On the other hand, if one person really sucks at managing money then sometimes it can make more sense to get a joint account and allow that person to manage things for the most part. It really just depends on what will work for you and your wife/husband and what will leave both parties feeling comfortable.

Edited to add that if you each have a credit card you can still purchase gifts and maintain the surprise factor as opposed to having it show up on the bank statement and ruin it for the other person.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Congratulations! woohoo!

Its can be an odd transition.. one that can take some getting used to. I think its fantastic that you have talked a bit about it - that really is the biggest help - coming to some agreement on how to manage all of it.

We pretty quickly just put everhthing in shared accounts, thats it. No 'his & hers'. Bills get paid, groceries bought, and major purchases are discussed and prioritized. We both have learned to trust each other completely - and thankfully neither one of us is reckless with finances or shopping. I make lots more than she does, but she is only part time and works at home with the kids too. Now that I think about it - we have flip-flopped on who pays all the bills and things.. I dit it. Then She did. Now I am doing it again... but it doesnt matter who as long as it gets done, and on time without fail.

Gifts... hmmm. The novelty of gifts has worn off after 25 years or so. I still get the wife flowers every month or so (which I can tell she still dearly loves...).. but we have never ever kept 'score' or put limits or had any other rules for gift giving. We just do what comes naturally I guess. She may give me sox or surround sound speakers... I may give her diamonds or a card or a mixer. We have sort of abandoned giving gifts on the anniversary since we usually do a weekend away somewhere.. but sometimes if the mood strikes - one of us will. Im sure you both will settle in and come to your own level in time.

Fun money? Again - it all comes from the same place. It will probably become quickly evident if one of you is having 'too much fun' and blowing cash. If my wife decided to go out and blow a few hundred bucks - go out with some ladies and have a crazy night I would have nothing to say except 'have fun!', and she would, without a doubt say the same to me if I did the same. (well.. not with some ladies. Maybe out to a game with some guys.. ). This is a pretty infrequent event for either of us though, so its not an issue. She is actually not a very good shopper either and I keep pushing her to go out and go clothes shopping for herself - sometimes I have to buy her things. 

For a young couple, I'd suggest 3 things - the first you have done by starting a conversation about it. The second is to pool resources completely and the third and by no means is it the lowest in importance - is to do a full budget. Really, its the only way that the both of you can really understand your finances now that you are moving onto a more complete partnership. It takes at least a couple of months of REALLY REALLY accounting for where every penny goes and building up a picture of what is happening. The more you know about it - the easier it should be to keep control of it. ou really wil not have a full grasp of things for a year or 2... as you realize (with shock and horror) all the unexpected and unplanned for expenses. Home expenses, new tires for the car, health expenses, buying a new mailbox, getting the driveway sealcoated, replacing dishes, pots and pans, yardwork equipment, new blinds, painting that room... - its endless.

We share several credit cards accouts (1 MC, 1 Visa, 1 AMEX), but each of us has one additionl that is our own. I think she likes that. Its also practical - if I (or she) loses a wallet and you cancel all the cards in it... the other person still has at least 1 card that is functional. 

Good luck.  Its a fun time. Enjoy it.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Congrats. Our paychecks each month get deposited into a joint account. We pay all of our expenses out of that account, whatever might be left over is suppose to be split evenly into our individual accounts and some in savings. It hasn't worked out that way though yet as we have no left over money at this time. Good luck.


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## Efferus (Dec 28, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> It takes at least a couple of months of REALLY REALLY accounting for where every penny goes and building up a picture of what is happening. The more you know about it - the easier it should be to keep control of it. ou really wil not have a full grasp of things for a year or 2... as you realize (with shock and horror) all the unexpected and unplanned for expenses. Home expenses, new tires for the car, health expenses, buying a new mailbox, getting the driveway sealcoated, replacing pots and pans - its endless.
> 
> Good luck.  Its a fun time. Enjoy it.


So true! My fuel pump on my car just went yesterday and the tires are BALD on it too. I'm just lucky that my partner is a mechanic! We also need to repave the driveway very soon as it's crumbling at the end of it. God, how I hate having to pay for stuff like this LOL...


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## ddpp (Jan 12, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> Congratulations on getting married in March. My post my be long.
> 
> I'll answer you questions on bottom but I need to you give some info.
> 
> ...


thank you so much. we both read answers to our question. and yes we have everything you said.


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## ddpp (Jan 12, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> Congratulations! woohoo!
> 
> Its can be an odd transition.. one that can take some getting used to. I think its fantastic that you have talked a bit about it - that really is the biggest help - coming to some agreement on how to manage all of it.
> 
> ...


thanksgreat insight


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