# Divorce is hard



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Hello - 

I'm new to this site, am looking to talk to others about going through a separation &/or divorce and how to cope. 

A few weeks ago, my husband of 11 years (we have been together for almost 17) told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be in our marriage anymore. This has been a tough year, and I've noticed him pulling away and being distant and I had been trying to talk to him about what was going on and he always said nothing and that he had no idea and no intention of being distant. I just thought we were going through one of the tough phases of marriage and was just trying to keep my head up to push us past this.

Since our initial conversation, things have progressed to the fact that he wants to move out and file for divorce. He is unwilling to work on anything, this week he even signed a lease for an apartment and plans to leave in a few weeks. We have a 6 year old son, and I am not coping well with the fact that my family is exploding and there is nothing I can do about it. We haven't told our son what is happening yet, but I know he's going to be confused and upset and the thought of not having my family anymore some days is so overwhelming.

I've told my husband that I take ownership for anything I have done in our marriage to make him feel unhappy. We've been through a lot together in the past few years - job losses, miscarriages, moving to new places, but through all of it I thought we had each others back. Is our marriage perfect, of course not. Did we lose some of the passion and fun that we used to have, definitely. But I want to try to find that again, and he is not willing to put in any effort and it just breaks my heart.

How do I accept what is happening? It doesn't seem like there's anything I can do at this point to salvage our relationship, so I know I need to accept it but I just don't know how. I don't know how to let go.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

tracey228 said:


> Hello -
> 
> I'm new to this site, am looking to talk to others about going through a separation &/or divorce and how to cope.
> 
> ...


Immediately start the 180. Other commenters will be coming along who can explain this better. Moving out, apartment, etc. seems likely there is another woman your husband wants to try out. Be sure your 6 your old gets a lot of love. He will need to understand that the family breakup is in no way his fault. Children are more perceptive than one would think. Sorry you are here and good luck.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Start digging through the phone records. He found someone else to take care of his sexual needs since he wasn’t getting any at home. Not saying it’s right, but explains the sudden decision to divorce and move. There’s more to this story. There always is. Start investigating. Good luck.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You cope moment to moment, then day to day until it gets easier, and it will. For most people getting divorced is an emotionally draining experience, honestly you will have good days and bad but you just keep gritting it out. Best wishes.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like he’s found someone else or at least will be looking now. Yes, divorce is very hard and leaves a hole in your heart but it will eventually mend. Right now you need to focus on you and not him. I had a journal and in it I kept lists of things I had to do and needed to do and wanted to do and hoped to do. On the bad days I would read through the “hope” list and it kept me going while I did all the practical stuff that was necessary to get through it. Time is the only thing that helps. It takes as long as it takes — trying to hurry it doesn’t work. I wish you the best.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

See a divorce lawyer at least to find out what your legal position is.


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Yep.....More than likely he has someone else...Sorry...

As others have stated...take care of the child. and try your best to keep it together...I believe the pandemic has made a lot of people act on feelings that they may have been suppressing....

My best to you...


----------



## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Tracey, sorry you are going through this. I'm in a similar boat with a 5yo child, 10 year marriage. If you want to chat to someone in a similar position or just vent, feel free to PM me. Good luck, it'll get better with time. Take care of yourself first and foremost


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Here is a link to the 180 for you:

180 for Betrayed Spouses


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

tracey228 said:


> Did we lose some of the passion and fun that we used to have, definitely.


Have you been initiating or refusing sex with him prior to his decision to leave? Did YOU lose the passion or did BOTH of you lose it? How would he answer that question?


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Have you been initiating or refusing sex with him prior to his decision to leave? Did YOU lose the passion or did BOTH of you lose it? How would he answer that question?


I've been initiating everything for what seems like months, and that is definitely not normal. Usually it was mostly him, with sometimes it being me. I honestly never thought our intimate life was a bad one. But I have had a feeling in my gut that something was off. I haven't found anything concrete telling me that there's someone else. I did ask and of course he said no. I don't know what to believe.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s the only one who knows what’s going on and it’s not to his benefit to tell you if there’s someone else. In time, if it comes out he’s seeing someone else, he’ll likely say he met her after the separation. In other words, you’re unlikely to ever know the real truth so don’t base your life on what he says. Plan for a future for you that isn’t dependent on what he does or doesn’t do.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Yep consult a lawyer ASAP. Plus don't be at all surprised that another woman suddenly appears in the picture very quickly.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Others have advised you to investigate and see if he's having an affair but I'm not sure what that would accomplish. Depending where you live most times infedility means absolutely zilch in a divorce settlement (unfortunantly). He has chosen to divorce and advised you he is moving out and already signed a lease, sounds like things are done. I think your energies are better spent speaking with an attorney and learning what you are legally entitled to in the divorce, and after divorce. Things like division of marital assets, financial accounts, medical coverage for you and your child, child and spousal support, etc. Don't let him string you along, push for a fast divorce and take everything you are legally entitled to.

Only after all the dust has settled will you truly be able to heal and get your life back on track. The sooner the better.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Cooper said:


> Others have advised you to investigate and see if he's having an affair but I'm not sure what that would accomplish. Depending where you live most times infedility means absolutely zilch in a divorce settlement (unfortunantly). He has chosen to divorce and advised you he is moving out and already signed a lease, sounds like things are done. I think your energies are better spent speaking with an attorney and learning what you are legally entitled to in the divorce, and after divorce. Things like division of marital assets, financial accounts, medical coverage for you and your child, child and spousal support, etc. Don't let him string you along, push for a fast divorce and take everything you are legally entitled to.
> 
> Only after all the dust has settled will you truly be able to heal and get your life back on track. The sooner the better.


I live in Wisconsin which is a no-fault state. I haven't done a ton of research yet as I was still in the "hope for reconciliation" phase, but to your point, an affair would not mean anything as far as the divorce goes. I think maybe it would give me more peace of mind and help me move on faster? I'm not sure. I know it would be upsetting, and I would be so angry and hurt, but I'm all of those things right now with no answers. Would having an answer fix anything, no. But right now I still see him as my husband and the man I love. Knowing he did something unfathomable might give me some closure. 

As of right now, we have discussed splitting things 50/50 (including custody of our son). We've also talked about trying to handle as much on our own as possible, but I do have family members insisting on getting an attorney involved. I'm so torn, I don't want to spend thousands on attorney fees which will then make my financial stress even harder when I am finally on my own. I've heard nightmares about people being petty and using lawyers to "get everything they're entitled to" but in the end they end up with less because the fees cost so much. It's so much to think about and my head space is still so clouded by my feelings for my old life.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

tracey228 said:


> I live in Wisconsin which is a no-fault state. I haven't done a ton of research yet as I was still in the "hope for reconciliation" phase, but to your point, an affair would not mean anything as far as the divorce goes. I think maybe it would give me more peace of mind and help me move on faster? I'm not sure. I know it would be upsetting, and I would be so angry and hurt, but I'm all of those things right now with no answers. Would having an answer fix anything, no. But right now I still see him as my husband and the man I love. Knowing he did something unfathomable might give me some closure.
> 
> As of right now, we have discussed splitting things 50/50 (including custody of our son). We've also talked about trying to handle as much on our own as possible, but I do have family members insisting on getting an attorney involved. I'm so torn, I don't want to spend thousands on attorney fees which will then make my financial stress even harder when I am finally on my own. I've heard nightmares about people being petty and using lawyers to "get everything they're entitled to" but in the end they end up with less because the fees cost so much. It's so much to think about and my head space is still so clouded by my feelings for my old life.


Depending on what type of person you are dealing with, getting an attorney may be inevitable. I’d at least consult with a few. They are usually free, or very little money for the consultation. They may guide you to what is fair, or they may guide you to go for his balls, which can get very expensive. At least you will have a choice.


----------



## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

We, the members will never know the reason for your husbands actions. I am sorry you are hurting. My only advice is, please don't sleep walk into a poor settlement because of grief. You owe it to your child if not yourself.


----------



## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Tracey, it is very overwhelming at first. You have your family breaking up right before your eyes, emotions are running high, work, and while all of that is happening you have to talk to an attorney. It's not fun. Definitely necessary though. If you are both amicable, fees will be 2-3k to get an attorney to file and draft apperwork on agreed upon things such as custody and Child support/spousal support.


----------



## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

johndoe12299 said:


> Tracey, it is very overwhelming at first. You have your family breaking up right before your eyes, emotions are running high, work, and while all of that is happening you have to talk to an attorney. It's not fun. Definitely necessary though. If you are both amicable, fees will be 2-3k to get an attorney to file and draft apperwork on agreed upon things such as custody and Child support/spousal support.


Given you current position, you are incredibly even handed in your advice, bravo sir 👏


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Anything you have no answer for means you are not in control of it, and not being in control is frightening for sure.

I've learned that love is not safe, but you have loved through very difficult times and be proud of that. We cannot control another's love for us, but what we can control is how we let other emotions backfill it when it is no longer present as we expected. It hurts when people we care about walk away from us, especially people who have made promises in marriage to be there through thick and thin, but they want to have to be there or it really isn't a marriage in spirit, just paper.

Of all the things in life you do have control of, it is the ability to respond to these hard changes, not react. Reactions are only going to amplify the pain you feel as you navigate the things you are going to be facing, but responding... that is the ability to look at the fears for what they are, anxieties of the unknown. It's hard for sure, but facing these fears, knowing that at the end of the day that where you are is more a strength than a weakness, will help calm the disruption of you and your child's life.

And calm is a superpower.

You will need that when the truth does surface, because nothing ever stays in a void when children are shared it will not be a matter of if, but when. Prepare your heart so that as it does, you can stand tall without anger or resentment, those will damage your child and teach them the wrong things about hurt.

Forgiveness is for no one else but you. It will keep you in a better place when changes from your husband come in day to day decisions concerning where you choose what is best for you (and child), and that is your focus right now.

You have started walking a new path... my wife walked away from our marriage after 30 years together and we used a legal mediator, it did save thousands of dollars and adhered to state law governing disbursement of responsibilities and property as we are like you (no-fault).

In the end, remember being happy is all you. It is hard in the beginning to say "Is that so" as the loss of our present life changes under our feet. We owe it to ourselves to recognize that even though we were given up on, we would never have done that by choice. Sometimes it is a reward in itself for our own awareness to say "I'm ok, I fought the good fight even if it did not come out the way I wished".

Perhaps this is life telling us better things are ahead before we are even aware.

Peace be with you in these troubling times.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Last night I told my husband that he could no longer stay in our home. The lease for his apartment is set to start on Sept 15th, and until then his plan was to stay in our home and basically ignore everything that was happening. In my mind, that gave me 2.5 weeks to change his mind. But as we were talking last night, I really realized that he was never going to change his mind. Nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing would make my husband come back to me. So I told him he needed to leave. This whole process has just been so painful and I don’t think I could handle another 2.5 weeks of rejection.

I don’t know where he’s going to go, I think me saying it was a bit of a shock to him as well, but he said he understood.

Later today comes the really hard part. Telling our 6 year old son that his daddy is moving out and probably never coming back (of course he will still see his daddy, I mean never coming back to our home). My heart just hurts thinking about it. I really don’t know how we will explain it to him, and I for sure don’t know how to not lose my s*** while talking to him.

Any tips from anyone out there?


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

tracey228 said:


> I live in Wisconsin which is a no-fault state. I haven't done a ton of research yet as I was still in the "hope for reconciliation" phase, but to your point, an affair would not mean anything as far as the divorce goes. I think maybe it would give me more peace of mind and help me move on faster? I'm not sure. I know it would be upsetting, and I would be so angry and hurt, but I'm all of those things right now with no answers. Would having an answer fix anything, no. But right now I still see him as my husband and the man I love. Knowing he did something unfathomable might give me some closure.
> 
> As of right now, we have discussed splitting things 50/50 (including custody of our son). We've also talked about trying to handle as much on our own as possible, but I do have family members insisting on getting an attorney involved. I'm so torn, I don't want to spend thousands on attorney fees which will then make my financial stress even harder when I am finally on my own. I've heard nightmares about people being petty and using lawyers to "get everything they're entitled to" but in the end they end up with less because the fees cost so much. It's so much to think about and my head space is still so clouded by my feelings for my old life.


I think it would be important for you to know if he was having an affair during your marriage, or at the very least, considering it. Even if it's no fault, I think just to see what type of person he is.


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

tracey228 said:


> Last night I told my husband that he could no longer stay in our home. The lease for his apartment is set to start on Sept 15th, and until then his plan was to stay in our home and basically ignore everything that was happening. In my mind, that gave me 2.5 weeks to change his mind. But as we were talking last night, I really realized that he was never going to change his mind. Nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing would make my husband come back to me. So I told him he needed to leave. This whole process has just been so painful and I don’t think I could handle another 2.5 weeks of rejection.
> 
> I don’t know where he’s going to go, I think me saying it was a bit of a shock to him as well, but he said he understood.
> 
> ...


I would just tell your son that dad is going to move to a new place, and that he will have two great new homes. I wouldn't give too much personal adult information. Your son will be ok. Once he sees that there is more stability, it won't be so bad. My parents divorced when I was the same age, it was better for me when they were separate, less anxiety. I hope your son finds the same solace that I did.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

GC1234 said:


> I think it would be important for you to know if he was having an affair during your marriage, or at the very least, considering it. Even if it's no fault, I think just to see what type of person he is.


I completely agree with this, I’m the type of person that just needs to know. I have asked, multiple times, and each time he has said no. I’ve even asked about what his intentions are once he moves out while we are still married and he said he hasn’t thought that far ahead. Again, not sure if that’s 100% the truth, he’s really the only one that knows.


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

tracey228 said:


> I completely agree with this, I’m the type of person that just needs to know. I have asked, multiple times, and each time he has said no. I’ve even asked about what his intentions are once he moves out while we are still married and he said he hasn’t thought that far ahead. Again, not sure if that’s 100% the truth, he’s really the only one that knows.


Well, I believe as with all things..."time will tell". The truth will be revealed to you sooner or later. It's just strange that he would do this, seemingly out of nowhere. I wonder what the real catalyst was, to get him to want to divorce, you know?


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> I think it would be important for you to know if he was having an affair during your marriage, or at the very least, considering it. Even if it's no fault, I think just to see what type of person he is.



Unless she was hitting him over the head with a baseball bat daily, i would bet that the reason he is leaving is that there is an 80% chance he has another woman in the wings, and 100% chance he is considering one if there isn't one already.....


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> Unless she was hitting him over the head with a baseball bat daily, i would bet that the reason he is leaving is that there is an 80% chance he has another woman in the wings, and 100% chance he is considering one if there isn't one already.....


I completely agree. There had to be some sort of catalyst for him to set this in motion. I've read enough on TAM to know this too. I just hope she gets the truth.


----------



## Lovelorn_soul (Aug 26, 2021)

tracey228 said:


> Last night I told my husband that he could no longer stay in our home. The lease for his apartment is set to start on Sept 15th, and until then his plan was to stay in our home and basically ignore everything that was happening. In my mind, that gave me 2.5 weeks to change his mind. But as we were talking last night, I really realized that he was never going to change his mind. Nothing I said, nothing I did, nothing would make my husband come back to me. So I told him he needed to leave. This whole process has just been so painful and I don’t think I could handle another 2.5 weeks of rejection.
> 
> I don’t know where he’s going to go, I think me saying it was a bit of a shock to him as well, but he said he understood.
> 
> ...


@tracey228 I hope you’re coping well, my heart goes out to you sweetheart. May you find the strength to move on and he realises that he lost you who was ready to do anything for him ,that type of someone ‘your human’ is very rare to find.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

tracey228 said:


> Last night I told my husband that he could no longer stay in our home.


How does this work? He's a co-tenant. You can ask him to leave.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Are you asking “if” I can ask him to leave? Let me be clear, I do not want him to leave. And yes, we both own our home so I suppose he doesn’t have to leave if he doesn’t want to. I asked him to please leave because it was getting too hard to be in a state of limbo. Me fighting everyday, him not wanting to. And trying to act like a family for our child, but after our kiddo goes to sleep going to our separate corners of the house. It’s just hard. I thought maybe for everyone’s sanity it would be best for him to find somewhere else to stay until his apartment lease starts.

He didn’t end up leaving yet, and we still have not told our son. We’re still talking and trying to figure out what’s best. But my heart hurts, and I am tired and drained. I just feel that while he’s here I’m going to continue to have hope, and maybe that’s not what I need right now.

Do you think asking him to leave our home was an unreasonable ask?


----------



## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

tracey228 said:


> Are you asking “if” I can ask him to leave? Let me be clear, I do not want him to leave. And yes, we both own our home so I suppose he doesn’t have to leave if he doesn’t want to. I asked him to please leave because it was getting too hard to be in a state of limbo. Me fighting everyday, him not wanting to. And trying to act like a family for our child, but after our kiddo goes to sleep going to our separate corners of the house. It’s just hard. I thought maybe for everyone’s sanity it would be best for him to find somewhere else to stay until his apartment lease starts.
> 
> He didn’t end up leaving yet, and we still have not told our son. We’re still talking and trying to figure out what’s best. But my heart hurts, and I am tired and drained. I just feel that while he’s here I’m going to continue to have hope, and maybe that’s not what I need right now.
> 
> Do you think asking him to leave our home was an unreasonable ask?


It is not unreasonable for you to protect your heart. September 15 is very far away, so your husband should have either waited to tell you or found other living arrangements.

Divorce happens but he needs to understand this is painful for you as well.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

He would be foolish to leave. It puts you in a much better position to negotiate a better deal for yourself in the divorce.

Any attorney worth his or her retainer will tell him that at the first consult. 

If he seems to have a change of mind, you can bet that's why.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Lovelorn_soul said:


> @tracey228 I hope you’re coping well, my heart goes out to you sweetheart. May you find the strength to move on and he realises that he lost you who was ready to do anything for him ,that type of someone ‘your human’ is very rare to find.


Thank-you for the kind words. I'm not always sure how I'm coping. Some days I feel strong, other days I want to crumble (it actually goes in streaks on an hourly basis). It's so draining. I was/am willing to do anything for him, but the problem is he's not willing to do the same for me. And everyday that seems to get more and more clear.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You don't really have any choice but to accept the reality of it. 

All I can do is tell you get your own family law attorney tomorrow, insist he take 50/50 custody of the child, because if you don't, your life will be compromised and restricted, fewer career options, tied down having to the one to do all the extras, take off work to meet with teacher, etc. 50/50 joint, in the US at least, is the norm these days, and it's the fair thing. It divides the time so you each have the child 2 1/2 days through the week and then one day on the weekend, all fair and equal. You each have to find your own babysitting or childcare, not just one of you shouldering that or being the one to have a crap career because you stay home. It's the only way to keep your life going. Plus it gives you unprecedented time (those days he has the boy) to rest, shop, work, socialize. It gives you freedom. Even if he doesn't want it (many don't because they don't want the work and extra childcare), you insist. If you don't, you will regret it. Good luck.

Don't stay with someone who doesn't want you. Things will only deteriorate as he knows you'll take abuse to keep him. It's a better example for your child to split and he'll still see his dad, probably more than ever before.


----------



## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Tracey, more and more clear he just isn't into you and you're just his backup b/c he knows you aren't going anywhere. You are not going to change how he feels! You seem like a very sweet person. Everyone here is talking frome xperience. Most of us have been in the same position you've been in. I know you are holding on tohope b/c you don't have clear evidence he's cheating yet; but I can assure you no husband is suddenly locking his phone and asking for divorce just because he's tired of the marriage. He either wants to pursue something or is in the midst of it.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Has he actually filed for divorce? Seen a lawyer?

I get that signing a lease is pretty big, but what legal steps has he taken to end the marriage?

I would stop all conversations with him about what’s happening to the marriage.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You don't really have any choice but to accept the reality of it.
> 
> All I can do is tell you get your own family law attorney tomorrow, insist he take 50/50 custody of the child, because if you don't, your life will be compromised and restricted, fewer career options, tied down having to the one to do all the extras, take off work to meet with teacher, etc. 50/50 joint, in the US at least, is the norm these days, and it's the fair thing. It divides the time so you each have the child 2 1/2 days through the week and then one day on the weekend, all fair and equal. You each have to find your own babysitting or childcare, not just one of you shouldering that or being the one to have a crap career because you stay home. It's the only way to keep your life going. Plus it gives you unprecedented time (those days he has the boy) to rest, shop, work, socialize. It gives you freedom. Even if he doesn't want it (many don't because they don't want the work and extra childcare), you insist. If you don't, you will regret it. Good luck.
> 
> Don't stay with someone who doesn't want you. Things will only deteriorate as he knows you'll take abuse to keep him. It's a better example for your child to split and he'll still see his dad, probably more than ever before.


He does want 50/50 custody of our son, so that's never been a question. He just doesn't want me or our marriage. You're right to not stay with someone that doesn't want me, my head tells me that and I know it, unfortunately my heart is in pain and it's trying to get through that pain that is the hardest.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

johndoe12299 said:


> Tracey, more and more clear he just isn't into you and you're just his backup b/c he knows you aren't going anywhere. You are not going to change how he feels! You seem like a very sweet person. Everyone here is talking frome xperience. Most of us have been in the same position you've been in. I know you are holding on tohope b/c you don't have clear evidence he's cheating yet; but I can assure you no husband is suddenly locking his phone and asking for divorce just because he's tired of the marriage. He either wants to pursue something or is in the midst of it.


I know you're right. I'm not going to change how he feels - if he doesn't want me there is nothing I can do. Hope was all I had, but that is also now gone. Now I just have to pick up the pieces of my life and figure out how to grieve and figure out how to move forward for me and my son.


----------



## tracey228 (Aug 28, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Has he actually filed for divorce? Seen a lawyer?
> 
> I get that signing a lease is pretty big, but what legal steps has he taken to end the marriage?
> 
> I would stop all conversations with him about what’s happening to the marriage.


He has not filed anything yet, nor has he talked to a lawyer (as far as I'm aware at this point). He's barely touched any of the documents/statements I've started gathering with financial information, or the shared docs I've created to start dividing up our things. The only major move has been signing the lease on the apartment, and tonight he left our home to stay at a friends (as I asked him to because it's too hard to have him here).


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

tracey228 said:


> He does want 50/50 custody of our son, so that's never been a question. He just doesn't want me or our marriage. You're right to not stay with someone that doesn't want me, my head tells me that and I know it, unfortunately my heart is in pain and it's trying to get through that pain that is the hardest.


I'm sure it's very painful for you and I'm very sorry. Just don't get stuck trying to salvage it because it puts you in a bad position. You don't ever want to reward someone for treating you bad and leaving you by begging them to stay and making compromises that leave you in a worse position. Hold on to your dignity. Pour your heart out with trusted friends or family, but not him. And get to an attorney before he does to protect any assets. Whatever the attorney charges will come out of the divorce settlement so you'll both end up paying for it in a way. But it's a sad fact that you really just can't trust one spouse to do the right thing because most of them will try to take advantage some way during the divorce. 

Serve him papers. Then the attorney can protect any of your accounts from either one of you hiding money or that sort of thing and from him spending it on a new woman. He will be needing to pay that out of his half. Talk to the attorney and ask what you should do about that then he may have you look for receipts and that sort of thing that belong to your husband as well as yourself to see what he spending money on. And also credit card bills and that sort of thing.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

tracey228 said:


> Do you think asking him to leave our home was an unreasonable ask?


That's not for me to decide. Sometimes "ask" is a euphemism for telling him to GTFO. Based on your response, you understand that he has as much right to live in the home as you do. You're asking him to leave pretty much as a courtesy, and that's totally within your right and is probably a good idea.


----------



## crushed2x (Nov 14, 2021)

Jamieboy said:


> We, the members will never know the reason for your husbands actions. I am sorry you are hurting. My only advice is, please don't sleep walk into a poor settlement because of grief. You owe it to your child if not yourself.


My mother did this. Was so tired of my dad and "just wanted it to be over" that she got royally hosed. And you don't get another chance(usually)


----------

