# I need Holiday Advice...Please!!!



## Honolulu (Oct 15, 2010)

I need some opinions...

My husband (of 15 yrs) and I separated in Oct. We are planning to divorce (his choice). We have 3 kids and both want to see them open their Christmas gifts. We are also considering pooling our money to get them what they really want. Most days we can put aside the reasons we are separated and get along for the kids.

So, he's invited me to his Dad's house for Christmas. I love his family and I don't think there are any hard feelings for me from them but I am hesitant to go. He *would not* be welcome at my family's house and I feel maybe it's hypocritical for me to go to his.

It's his turn this year to have the kids on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and I'm not sure if I'll be more upset going and being around him even though we aren't together anymore or by staying home alone without my kids. My week starts Christmas afternoon....so I would see them then. Will he resent me for sharing his Christmas with them....even though he offered?

Has anyone been in the same situation? If so, how did you feel? Was it a disaster?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

In my opinion, ask yourself what is best for the kids. Consider everything else second and do that.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

Other than the kids - why would you want to go and how will you feel being with all of his family for the holidays knowing you aren't together. 

Yes, there are times when you need to consider things for the kids, but honestly, it's going to be this way every year and there will come a time when you won't be spending your holidays together anyways. If you pool your money and buy gifts for the kids, can you set up a time to watch the kids open their gifts from the two of you on Christmas day when you get the kids???


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## Honolulu (Oct 15, 2010)

I've been kicking this around all day and I do think I'll be uncomfortable and the kids will see that and feel bad for me, which will ruin it for them anyway. I have to face that this whole thing is a mess and faking a Christmas of normalcy doesn't change it. This is the way it is now, separate holidays, splitting birthdays, and a lot of how did we get here. I'm not inviting him to New Years Eve at my family's house so I shouldn't be there Christmas Eve.

I think I'll be okay with them opening the joint gifts with him in the morning. I get the next week to see them enjoy the gifts, so why not?

I hate this...divorce is bad enough...but divorce with kids is a nightmare.

Thanks for the nudge in the right direction.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

If you really want to go, call his dad and see if you are really welcome...


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