# Doc said lower LD is "Normal"



## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

I hate posts 40 inches long so will try to keep it condensed

Me 45 W 42, boys 7 and 10 together 22 years married 18. Wife got new job 8 months ago moved back to home city. I am stay at home dad. Fairly typical HD/LD marriage. Scheduled saturday sex night unless something interfered. To tired from work during the week. Rarely another day. Go on a cruise, sex 2 times. Always told things will get better, especially after we get married.:rofl: "Women peak in their 40s" :rofl: W rarely ever orgasmed. Does not like oral. Has and uses magic wand. 

So here we are. Now close to grandparents, family, kids more independent, the "peak 40s". I could tell over the past six months it was getting worse. Getting close to "corpse" position. 

She is just not getting aroused, with me, the wand, nothing. Insists not even another man would turn her on. Wants to fix things. Saw OB/GYN yesterday who told her this is "Normal", she is normal. Communicate with husband, try "new things", there is no easy fix. Wife cried because this means she is not "abnormal" and is OK. No tests, no nothing.

Wife says she is committed to fixing this. Wants my support. Will talk about sex. This after 20 years of not wanting to talk about sex, rarely wants to try something new. Not really into any kink beyond some dirty talk. Has never had fantasies (that she will tell me about). Will not read any kind of sex or relationship book. Insisted for 20 years once a week was the average. Never had a response to "maybe, and 50% end in divorce, and are they satisfied with that ?" 

In my view she has squandered the past 20 years. If sex had been frequent and great I could weather the storm. Now this and menopause soon to follow. I am looking at the next 10-15 years before there is the possibility of having a satisfying sex life.

So now she want to fix it, and she is committed to it. :scratchhead: I am really having a hard time believing this. I have become very cynical. Of course "your attitude is not helping"

So now I am supposed to work on it with her. Have sex with a person who has hardly any passion? Sounds great. Better stock up extra Cialis. How the hell am I supposed to get turned on to that ?

I can't wait for the suggestion to kiss, hug and cuddle. What do think we have been doing for the past 20 years, sure as hell wasn't having lots of sex.

Venting. 40s peak, my ass. I have been lied to for the past 20 years and I am NOW MAD AS HELL.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm glad you're mad as hell. You've spent 20 years in a passion free marriage now how do you want to spend the next 20?

I think it's naive to think if she's never been sexual that she's going to change now. Hell I'm HD and I lost my drive at age 45 due to menopause issues. I'm on hormones now but still it's not what it used to be.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

I would not go as far as saying a passion free marriage. Just low passion in general. We could have some great sex once in awhile. Just not consistently or frequently. 

Never takes advantages of opportunities. She has sleep problems and just plays games on her phone. Never thinks maybe I could go turn on my husband and have a roll in the hay. I can't even think of a time she wanted ravish me or "had to have it".


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

The desire doesn't kick in after menopause. I'm told life after a hysterectomy is like menopause (if that's incorrect ladies, please let me know, I'm only going on what i was told). Well myfiancee had a hysterectomy and she said it killed her sex drive. We have sex 1-2 x a week, but she admits she has to try to get to even that level, and that she could easily go a long time without it. She enjoys the sex e do have, but she needs to be in the mood for it, and the idea of having sex say 3-5 times a week is out, with maybe a rare week occurring where 3x happens.

And she's 39 now, has been this way (or worse) since we started dating five years ago. I highly doubt that your wife being 42, and not yet in menopause, is going to improve as life goes on.

Does your wife know just how frustrated/upset you are? If you are considering divorce, you should put it all on the table. Be bluntly honest about it. And if you do, set an internal deadline to watch for sustained improvement. Don't tell her what the deadline is (she'll just strive for it and you won't know if she's doing it because she actually wants to improve or because she just wants to reach your target so you'll stay), just watch for the improvement, and for the improvement to say at least that long. I'd set a target of 6 months to one year.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

King Ding Dong said:


> Never takes advantages of opportunities. She has sleep problems and just plays games on her phone. Never thinks maybe I could go turn on my husband and have a roll in the hay. I can't even think of a time she wanted ravish me or "had to have it".


This is what low drive people do.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

"normal" is what a lazy doctor who can't be bothered to run the tests says to a patient he's blowing off.

I could go into a lecture about how being a stay at home dad lowers your attraction, but I'm sure you've heard plenty of that already.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Kingsfan, yes she knows. She has known for 20 years. For 20 years "getting angry about it doesn't help". Well, she is right.

I told her last night that what the doctor told her means there is no hope for improvement, although she sees hope in it. She said I am twisting reality.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

For the record most OB/GYN's won't address this. When I complained to mine about menopause issues he gave me a prescription for prozac and told me to relax more.

Um okay.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> For the record most OB/GYN's won't address this. When I complained to mine about menopause issues he gave me a prescription for prozac and told me to relax more.
> 
> Um okay.


Are these doctors male or female?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

King,
If it has been like this for 20 years, why did you have children with her after a decade of a bad sex life? 

I get why you were unhappy with the situation as any man would be. Just not why you would anchor the marriage with kids if it was an unhappy situation. 




King Ding Dong said:


> Kingsfan, yes she knows. She has known for 20 years. For 20 years "getting angry about it doesn't help". Well, she is right.
> 
> I told her last night that what the doctor told her means there is no hope for improvement, although she sees hope in it. She said I am twisting reality.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Get a new doctor. GYN's are being better trained to deal with sexual functioning issues, but they have to get that training on their own.

You have to deal with your resentment. You have to get that out of the way or this certainly doesn't have a chance of any sort of success. I understand why you have it and don't blame you for having it. But until you can get it under control it will taint every interaction. 

So, what exactly does your wife expect of you? Have you talked to her about why she is changed her perspective about sex? What has brought about this change in her? Do you really want to have a better sex life, even if that means you might be uncomfortable at times?


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> I'm glad you're mad as hell. You've spent 20 years in a passion free marriage now how do you want to spend the next 20?
> 
> I think it's naive to think if she's never been sexual that she's going to change now. Hell I'm HD and I lost my drive at age 45 due to menopause issues. I'm on hormones now but still it's not what it used to be.





Mavash. said:


> For the record most OB/GYN's won't address this. When I complained to mine about menopause issues he gave me a prescription for prozac and told me to relax more.
> 
> Um okay.


Endocrinologist? 

She already told me last night she thinks any kind of hormone would be dangerous. Her mom just went through lymphoma and dad had bladder cancer and just had a tumor taken out of his lung.

I know it is complicated, but should I approach this from a medical standpoint or the whole MMSL alpha thing ? I have MMSL I just don't see it applying to my situation. I am working on MAP on areas I can control, but even if I get a job and pay someone to raise my kids, I am never going to surpass her income.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

jaharthur said:


> Are these doctors male or female?


Female. She also said men are wired different. Really? Never noticed that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My wife was similar to yours. Well, my STBXW, that is... Very low drive, was happy with once a week or less, never would express any fantasies or desires. 

Eventually, that dwindled down to once a month or less. She refused to talk to her doctor at all to see if there were other options (beside BC pills) for regulating her periods, as I was snipped already. She claimed to have body image issues, but refused to attempt to lose weight, exercise, or otherwise change things. She started staying up late at night watching TV, avoiding the bedroom when she knew I was in it an awake. If we went out on a date without the kids, she'd often drink so much that sex wasn't an option. If she had a sexual peak, it was more of a speedbump.

Eventually, she became my STBXW (I moved out). I could see that she wasn't going to change, and I refused to live my life in a relationship like that. Since leaving, I've found a woman who was in a sexless marriage as well, and at 44 and 45, sex is still incredible. As it turns out, this woman has a pituitary tumor which is supposedly inhibiting her sex drive, plus she's on BC pills to regulate her periods, yet she still likes sex on a daily basis. As far as being sexual (wanting to try new things, talking about sex, etc), she's at least my match. And this is after 2 years of being together. 

Just my thoughts... Everyone is different. She and her husband went for 2 YEARS without any sex, after she gave up trying to get him interested. So it's not a gender thing, in my opinion. Some people are sexually driven, some people are not.

C


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

King Ding Dong said:


> *Wife says she is committed to fixing this. Wants my support*. Will talk about sex. This after 20 years of not wanting to talk about sex, rarely wants to try something new. Not really into any kink beyond some dirty talk. Has never had fantasies (that she will tell me about). Will not read any kind of sex or relationship book. Insisted for 20 years once a week was the average. Never had a response to "maybe, and 50% end in divorce, and are they satisfied with that ?"
> 
> *In my view she has squandered the past 20 years*. If sex had been frequent and great I could weather the storm. Now this and menopause soon to follow. I am looking at the next 10-15 years before there is the possibility of having a satisfying sex life.
> 
> ...


Mr. King,

It is understandable that you're mad as hell. Now let's just take your wife's word for it, and see what kind of efforts she's putting into "fixing" it. Give her a deadline (don't tell her when), say something like "I expect to see improvements within a set of time, and if the deadline is passing without any improvements, I know what to do". If she is showing serious and consistent efforts, you need to recognize her efforts and give her proper support and encouragement.

If she's all talk and no action, then you take action. If you don't want another 20 years of living with bad sex, it's better to get a divorce and move on with life.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, I find it interesting that you said your wife is "committed to fixing this", yet in the same paragraph you said that she won't read any sex or relationship books. What exactly does "committed to fixing it" mean to her? Will she see a sex therapist? Or, as I suspect, does it mean that she'll just go over the weekly grocery list while you pound her into the mattress once a week?

C


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Get a new doctor. GYN's are being better trained to deal with sexual functioning issues, but they have to get that training on their own.
> 
> You have to deal with your resentment. You have to get that out of the way or this certainly doesn't have a chance of any sort of success. I understand why you have it and don't blame you for having it. But until you can get it under control it will taint every interaction.
> 
> So, what exactly does your wife expect of you? Have you talked to her about why she is changed her perspective about sex? What has brought about this change in her? Do you really want to have a better sex life, even if that means you might be uncomfortable at times?


I don't know how to deal with it. I get it, in my frame of mind right now all I can do is push her away and lash out.

Good questions I will pose to my wife tonight. Could you rephrase/explain that last question?

I would like to get her on this board, I think that would help. I really don't think she will though. She has been angry with me for spending so much time on it.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

PBear said:


> BTW, I find it interesting that you said your wife is "committed to fixing this", yet in the same paragraph you said that she won't read any sex or relationship books.*historically, we will just have to see what happens. My money is on her popping balloons on the phone * What exactly does "committed to fixing it" mean to her? *who knows* Will she see a sex therapist? *maybe, but it will be kicking and screaming. That would mean admitting something is wrong with her. She is so relieved that the doc said she is normal.* Or, as I suspect, does it mean that she'll just go over the weekly grocery list while you pound her into the mattress once a week?*to be fair, it is not THAT bad. :rofl: But that seems to be the trajectory.*
> 
> C


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

King Ding Dong said:


> Endocrinologist?
> 
> Endocrinologist would most likely be looking at her thyroid (hormone central). Having her T3 an T4 checked for hypo or hyper thyroidism. She is getting near that age for those issues. Couldn't hurt to test, but your family dr cane do it too. Google the symptoms to see if any look familar. Doesn't really explain the last 20 yrs though.
> 
> ...


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

Have you looked into BioIdentical hormones? From what I've read, if you use hormones that are the same composition as naturally occurring hormones, then there is no increased cancer risk. For example, "progestin" has an increased risk associated with it when it is used with estrogen therapy. However, bioidentical progesterone does not, according to recent studies. Bioidentical hormone doctors may also check testosterone levels, which can also affect libido.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

MMSL DOES apply to your situation.

She works, you don't... BAD

She makes/would make more money that you... BAD

But what stands out is you repeatedly says she's willing to work on it yet you sound like you have dug your heels in on the notion that you will NEVER have sex again. That's just a self-fulfilling prophesy.

If she truly is willing to work on it, encourage her to do so. No, don't encourage, insist. But you have to work on it, too. Don't be resentful. It won't get you to where you want to be, unless that is b!tching and complaining for the rest of your marriage.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> King,
> If it has been like this for 20 years, why did you have children with her after a decade of a bad sex life?
> 
> I get why you were unhappy with the situation as any man would be. Just not why you would anchor the marriage with kids if it was an unhappy situation.


Haha. I was not ready for children, she was. Funny how that situation usually resolves it self. Oops. 

Having said that I actually liked being a Dad and had another. :scratchhead:


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Chris Taylor said:


> MMSL DOES apply to your situation.
> 
> She works, you don't... BAD
> 
> ...


Agreed. Bad. Have her quit, me struggle to get a entry level job and plunge my children into poverty? I suspect that would not lead to good sex.

It hard to see a future of good sex. I am sure she will give me once maybe twice a week sex, if the stars align, nobody is sick, and we have no social engagements. With her very low desire can it be good? Is it realistic that she could raise it ? 

How do I turn off the resentment switch? Just take it in my hand out to a wildflower field and just blow it away and walk back home with that fuzzy warm feeling in my stomach? 

The sinking feeling in my stomach is even if she really wants to work on it and is committed to it. What the hell is she going to do? What can she do ? 

She could fake it I guess. We all know where that leads. After 20 years I would likely be able to tell. That's not good sex.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I always find the discussion about desire and income levels to be fascinating. Yes, I'm in the camp that thinks a woman will naturally have low desire for her partner if he's not a provider. I think that in many cases women have a hard time respecting a man that they out-earn.

But at the same time I think that I, as a man, would have a hard time having desire for a woman who makes more than me. For me to have long lasting desire for a woman I need to feel like I'm needed and like I am a provider for her. I'm thinking that if I were in your situation I probably wouldn't have much desire for my working, higher income wife. I need to be at the very least on equal footing to want to have sex with her. And preferably higher footing, at least financially.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

King Ding Dong said:


> Have her quit, me struggle to get a entry level job and plunge my children into poverty?


Yeah she's kind of got you doesn't she?

However all is not lost. In 2-3 years your kids will be old enough to stay at home by themselves. Set your goals now to get back out there. Regardless of what happens you need to be able to support yourself.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Popping balloons! I Love that game!

What I meant was you have to find a way to ask her to be brutally honest about what she wants you to do. Appearnce and grooming type things, romantic type things, does she want you to be more assertive or demanding in bed? A LOT of women are reading all type of erotica but the hottest sellers all involve some form of BDSM. Not all of those women buying it are able to tell their husbands that thisbisbwhat they want. Sneak a peak at her reading... This is what may make you uncomfortable. You may not WANT to spank her, you may not want her to spank you. But if this new frontier is going to be explored.. You gotta boldly go...


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

But you can't WANT her to increase the action and at the same time push her away because you don't trust her to want it also.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Popping balloons! I Love that game!
> 
> What I meant was you have to find a way to ask her to be brutally honest about what she wants you to do. Appearnce and grooming type things, romantic type things, does she want you to be more assertive or demanding in bed? A LOT of women are reading all type of erotica but the hottest sellers all involve some form of BDSM. Not all of those women buying it are able to tell their husbands that thisbisbwhat they want. Sneak a peak at her reading... This is what may make you uncomfortable. You may not WANT to spank her, you may not want her to spank you. But if this new frontier is going to be explored.. You gotta boldly go...


Haha. She doesn't read, she does iPhone. I put fifty shades on her iPad 4 months ago. Has not touched it. I read about half, hoping she would get interested. Man that is crappy book. 

I have absolutely no problem with any of that stuff, seems to do nothing for her.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> But you can't WANT her to increase the action and at the same time push her away because you don't trust her to want it also.


Sorry, this grasshopper can't parse that one out. :scratchhead:

Ok working on it.....In my state, no I do not want to have sex with someone who is just going through the motions. Is that wrong?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

King Ding Dong said:


> Haha. She doesn't read, she does iPhone. I put fifty shades on her iPad 4 months ago. Has not touched it. I read about half, hoping she would get interested. Man that is crappy book.
> 
> I have absolutely no problem with any of that stuff, seems to do nothing for her.


My wife happens to work alone, so she is constantly listening to audiobooks on her iphone. I downloaded book 1 of fifty shades. Wow, that got her worked up. She downloaded the others on her own.


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

Reading or listening can't compete with popping balloons.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

King Ding Dong said:


> Agreed. Bad. Have her quit, me struggle to get a entry level job and plunge my children into poverty? I suspect that would not lead to good sex.


I agree that would not work, but if you think this is part of the problem, I suggest you get a job to show that you are contributing. It will also show her how valuable what you have been doing has been.



> How do I turn off the resentment switch? Just take it in my hand out to a wildflower field and just blow it away and walk back home with that fuzzy warm feeling in my stomach?


Find stuff that you enjoy. While not in your same position, I had resentment over our lack of sex. One thing that helped me was to do some things I enjoyed and make myself happy. I no longer depend on her (and sex with her) to make me happy. Sure, that is fun, but I make sure that stuff I do make me happy. It helped me let go of some of the bitterness I had.



> The sinking feeling in my stomach is even if she really wants to work on it and is committed to it. What the hell is she going to do? What can she do ?


Let that be up to her. By that, I mean give her the chance to make it up to you. Don't worry that you can't think of things. Perhaps she will surprise you. Give her that opportunity (but with that internal timeline to show some progress).


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

You know the MAP and being a SAHD is just not conducive to a very intimate relationship. That is your answer--it may be big and brash and cause you to turn your world upside down but when she sees you out in the world making a mark, providing security and comfort at home, and looking like a man to other women then she will be attracted.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I always find the discussion about desire and income levels to be fascinating. Yes, I'm in the camp that thinks a woman will naturally have low desire for her partner if he's not a provider. I think that in many cases women have a hard time respecting a man that they out-earn.
> 
> But at the same time I think that I, as a man, would have a hard time having desire for a woman who makes more than me. For me to have long lasting desire for a woman I need to feel like I'm needed and like I am a provider for her. I'm thinking that if I were in your situation I probably wouldn't have much desire for my working, higher income wife. I need to be at the very least on equal footing to want to have sex with her. And preferably higher footing, at least financially.


This is interesting, and it backs up what my viewpoints are on how men view women who make more money than them. There are many posts where men are resentful of the fact that women can "take them to the cleaners" in divorce, and with women initiating most divorces it leaves men vulnerable. Thus when sexless marriages happen when the man is HD and the woman is LD they feel that the woman is using them for their money. The bashing of the sahm's who don't actively desire their husbands proves it. They provide the money so they should get the sexually active wife.

But, what if the woman makes most of the money, and she is LD? The relationship dynamics change drastically. The man can't claim "she is taking advantage of me!" Taking advantage of what? If he is a sahd, then he is doing everything that the sahm does except that he wants more sex. The game changes and the argument changes. Their is no more righteous anger at the gold digging frigid wife. She's bringing home the bacon.

What to do now?


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

KDD-

MMSL is invaluable and the MAP is for you, but this hormone situation limits the potential and needs to be addressed. OB/GYN aren't usually going to be the ones to deal with it.

I read a book that was good for understanding this sort of stuff. The Sex Drive Solution for Women: Dr. Jen's Power Plan to Fire Up Your Libido.

My wife has similar concerns about hormone treatment safety, but if the info in this book is right a lot of the risks are from synthetic hormones that don't have the same chemical composition as our natural hormones.

The author herself is an OB/GYN but an endocrinologist is the more likely specialty to get the right kind of help for this.

My wife has an appointment next week, she first went to her OB/GYN and insisted on getting tested. They tested thyroid levels only, and they said her result was low normal. She measured a 5.7 and the normal range is 5-70. From what I've read, though, the normal range is based on a broad definition of what's normal - which most likely includes people that actually have low thyroid function.

Anyway, the book also talks about other things that can be done to improve endocrine health like diet and supplements and so forth. 

For my wife, a big issue has been sleep. It was among symptoms of hormone issues she had, and she's started using over the counter progesterone cream - and she sleeps like never before, and it's really made a difference to her feeling about everything. 

Anyway, do your due diligence and don't just do things because I did them and said they worked.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

techmom said:


> What to do now?


No idea. I'm just saying what I'm attracted to and what I'm not attracted to. Intellectually I can justify a lot of things, but that won't change what kind of woman I'm attracted to. I'm also not attracted to dominant women in any way shape or form. Does that make my preferences politically incorrect?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

King,
That is kind of a flip answer to a serious question. 

This is what confuses me. Ten years ago you had spent a decade with her and you two knew each other well. 

Why stay and have kids? 



QUOTE=King Ding Dong;1493994]Haha. I was not ready for children, she was. Funny how that situation usually resolves it self. Oops. 

Having said that I actually liked being a Dad and had another. :scratchhead:[/QUOTE]


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Maybe you will glean some insight from my situation. Maybe not.

After years of "trying" and listening to my wife's lies. Say one thing do another type of lies. The type of lies where she would indicate that all "I" needed to do was ________ and she would feel like having sex more. 

At this point I do not care wether she is attracted to me or not. I have found a place of peace and contentment within myself. If she cares to be attracted to me then so be it. But it will be through her own efforts to discover her sexuality and how she can be more sexual in the relationship to show me how committed she is to "us". 

I will not hear her excuses anymore nor do I care to. I will not go back to the way things were between us ever again. It was not healthy at all for me. If she does not change, step up, discover herself etc. then we will be getting divorced. I will not live the rest of of my life with a liar and manipulator. 

This insight was provided to me through an epiphany during a period of resentment and anger. It truly upset me that all my efforts to meet her needs based on discussions about intimacy and our sex life had her always pointing the finger back at me saying "I" needed to be more _________. These were all lies. She did not follow through. This was why I was angry and resentful. Tonight I said to her "you do not get to tell me what to do anymore" . 

Put another way. If I was single and not having sex with anyone why would I ever feel angry and resentful. I do not think I would. Ever.


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Thanks for setting me straight.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It helped me tremendously!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

You should start your own thread if you want to get feedback on your situation. Not to be rude to you, but it's not good etiquette to try to hijack someone's thread. Not trying to come across as a jerk, because I unintentionally helped start a massive thread jack on another part of this message board. We all make mistakes...




Rakkasan said:


> Hello everyone. This is actually my first post. I started reading about sexless marriages and the thought that I am not the only one out there is really comforting. Here is my story, if anyone is interested in giving me advice.
> 
> I was very sexually active in college. It was all sex and no feelings. When I met a girl that I fell in love with, I fell head over heals. The sex combined with love was just great, even though it wasn't spectacular in a technical sense.
> 
> ...


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

One more question. How do you cope with this situation?


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Boogie110....Really, wow I can't believe you really think women don't have sex for the enjoyment and pleasure of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boogie110 (Aug 3, 2012)

mineforever said:


> Boogie110....Really, wow I can't believe you really think women don't have sex for the enjoyment and pleasure of it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I do and everyone just reads what they want to in my posts. I guess the miscommunication is there because it is not one on one. Men - almost all men - have high drives...If you don't believe that I am so sorry for you, I really, really feel so sorry that you cannot see the truth. And I'm sorry men are too afraid to talk about their sex drives - yet have no problems going to porn or prostitutes or strippers or other women or whatever...I wish they would just tell women the truth about their sexuality! Women deserve the truth and for C's sake the men deserve to be heard also!

So it seems all women on this site love sex. Congrats. This site it seems to attract women with higher sex drives than normal. I do know some women who have very high sex drives FOR WOMEN.

It's okay all of you high drive women - I give up, you win. I know nothing. Men and women all have high sex drives and that's why men never complain about their wives not wanting sex daily. All the men lie, they lie and lie and lie and women tell the truth. There. Final. Done. No more sex comments. Thank you. Gracias, de nada.


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

boogie110 said:


> Dear I made sure my hubby had sex every week between 2 to 5 times for our entire relationship because I understand this problem between the sexes.


Thanks for the run down. I really enjoyed it. I am really envious of your ex. What a pity that the guy didn't see how good he had with you.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

boogie110 said:


> I do and everyone just reads what they want to in my posts. I guess the miscommunication is there because it is not one on one. Men - almost all men - have high drives...If you don't believe that I am so sorry for you, I really, really feel so sorry that you cannot see the truth. And tI'm sorry men are too afraid to talk about their sex drives - yet have no problems going to porn or prostitutes or strippetrs or other women or whatever...I wish they would just tell women the truth about their sexuality! Women deserve the truth and for C's sake the men deserve to be heard also!
> 
> So it seems all women on this site love sex. Congrats. This site it seems to attract women with higher sex drives than normal. I do know some women who have very high sex drives FOR WOMEN.
> 
> It's okay all of you high drive women - I give up, you win. I know nothing. Men and women all have high sex drives and that's why men never complain about their wives not wanting sex daily. All the men lie, they lie and lie and lie and women tell the truth. There. Final. Done. No more sex comments. Thank you. Gracias, de nada.


Well just a thought maybe there are so many HD females on this site becsuse like the gents their trying to figure out how to to cope with a HD/LD relationship. You probably won't see a lot of LD women on the site trying to figure out how to lower their spouses sex drive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

mineforever said:


> You probably won't see a lot of LD women on the site trying to figure out how to lower their spouses sex drive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you just got the essence of the problem. An LD wife, like mine will not see that there is a problem, will continue thinking that it perfectly normal to have quarterly sex with her husband. If there is no problem, why search for a solution? Hence only HD women on this forum.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Rakkasan said:


> I think you just got the essence of the problem. An LD wife, like mine will not see that there is a problem, will continue thinking that it perfectly normal to have quarterly sex with her husband. If there is no problem, why search for a solution? Hence only HD women on this forum.


No, there ARE some LD (or PERCEIVED LD) women on here. Some who came here felt their husbands/SOs are sex addicts because they want sex once or twice a week. That's not LD, that's normal, IMO. And some women want sex 2-4 times a week, but their husbands want it once a week or less. Those women aren't HD, they're normal drive. But they FEEL like something is wrong with them, that they are "addicted" because they want what most want... a few times each week. 

Now, my drive, right now, is HIGHER than my husband's. I would love everyday, but 3-4 times a week would be great at this point. But, right now, I'm doing good getting him to do anything even once a week. And no, for him, that is NOT normal. He recognizes this as well. And we are still working on the alternatives.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

boogie110 said:


> I do and everyone just reads what they want to in my posts. I guess the miscommunication is there because it is not one on one. Men - almost all men - have high drives...If you don't believe that I am so sorry for you, I really, really feel so sorry that you cannot see the truth. And I'm sorry men are too afraid to talk about their sex drives - yet have no problems going to porn or prostitutes or strippers or other women or whatever...I wish they would just tell women the truth about their sexuality! Women deserve the truth and for C's sake the men deserve to be heard also!


There are many men(this very forum will attest to it) who don't desire sex as much as their wives. I didn't know how common it was for a man to deny his woman sex until I came here. 

And, as far as being heard goes, men and women both deserve to be heard when it comes to their sexual needs. The reason so many sexual issues exists in marriage is because, too often, one or both spouses either won't speak up about their issues and they just go on accepting less than they need, or they don't listen to what their partner is trying to communicate to them, or they don't even know what they want sexually, or all of the above. A lot of men with lower drives are berated for not being "normal" men, while a lot of women with higher drives are berated for not being "normal" women. 

A persons sex drive is their sex drive and, unless it stems from some medical issue, there's nothing wrong with anyone and their particular level of sexual desire. Compatibility is the key to making a sexual relationship work.



> So it seems all women on this site love sex. Congrats.


No, actually there have been quite a few who've come here because they _don't_ love sex. I mean this with respect, perhaps you should take more time and read more threads before you jump to conclusions? 



> This site it seems to attract women with higher sex drives than normal.


This right here is one of issues with some of the things you say. There's no such thing as a "normal" drive for an entire gender. There are millions of women on this planet. They all have different levels of sexual desire. Their sexual desires change as they go through life. Some women, when they hit puberty, it's like a gong goes off and they want it bad, and that desire remains steady throughout the majority of their life. Some women don't recognize just how strong their sexual desires are until they have sex for the first time(like me). Some women start with a low sex drive and, after a certain point in their life(whether it's menopause or the infamous turning 30, or they actually found a man who they've connected to emotionally as well as sexually), and the sex chimes just start ringing, etc. 

A certain level of desire isn't "normal". It's just the level of desire they have at that specific time. A woman can have a high sex drive, and then it can drop later in life, and barring any medical reasons, is still "normal". It's not "normal" for women in general to have low sex drives any more than it is for them to have high sex drives. Our sex drive is our sex drive.



> I do know some women who have very high sex drives FOR WOMEN.


There are women who have higher sex drives than some men, too. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but even with your many years of experience, even if you've studied thousands of people and known thousands of people and the majority of the women followed your idea of "normal" female sex drive, there are millions of others you haven't met. 



> It's okay all of you high drive women - I give up, you win. I know nothing. Men and women all have high sex drives and that's why men never complain about their wives not wanting sex daily. All the men lie, they lie and lie and lie and women tell the truth. There. Final. Done. No more sex comments. Thank you. Gracias, de nada.


No one is saying this, though. No one is saying that all women have high sex drives. Not at all. What _I'm_ saying, anyway, is that it's an inaccurate statement to say that women, in general, have low sexual drives and that men, in general, have high sex drives. Our sex drives change. We all are different. Men and women have varying levels of sexual desire.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

My own personal experience as a mostly high drive female are as follows:
My spouse drives my desire. 

He has a good job, and taking care of his family is important.

He is reliable, kind, consistent, calls me out on any nonsense, would not put up with poor behaviour from me, holds himself to the same standards.

He does not need to be "nagged" because he is a grown man who sees what needs to be done, and he just does it. 

He does not do more than his fair share.

He takes good care of his children.

He is faithful.

He is forthright.

He flirts with me.

He makes me feel attractive.

He makes me feel safe.

He spends lots of time touching me in a non sexual way, hugging kissing, holding hands.

he has interesting hobbies.

He spends a lot of time with me.

He pays attention to what I like and don't like.

He notices things about me. 

He takes responsibility for things, without being asked to.

He doesn't lie, cheat, have a gambling problem, he doesn't do drugs and he's not a drunk. 

He doesn't flirt with other women.

He does not do the above to get sex. He does it because that's who he is, it just happens to lead me to find him attractive.


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Sorry.


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