# How to set boundaries...headed for divorce



## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

I have decided to get a divorce. I say "I" because my husband is refusing to take responsibility for anything.
So, I said, yes I want a divorce and I don't see him being able to move out until June. Plus June is good because it coincides with the kids getting out of school for the summer. Gives him time to, hopefully, save up some money and for the divorce to at least be near completion.

Anyway, now I feel like he is in denial or something. It's been about 3 weeks since the final decision was made. We had also discussed it before the holidays. So, I guess it's fairly new, but it certainly isn't shocking.

I have emailed him with financial information we need to gather and in it I asked for a financial meeting. He mostly ignored it (verbally answered one question from the entire thing). I've since pushed him to get more information and it has been going okay.

The main thing is that he keep trying to kiss me. The other day he grabbed my ass and a couple days ago he unlocked my door and walked in on me while I was showering (glass walled). He also has asked me about personal things, like masturbation, which makes me super uncomfortable.

He asked me last night if I needed the vehicle info for taxes and I said no it is to determine our assets. It's like he doesn't even understand that this is really happening.

Then today he gives me a kiss (landed on my cheek) and tells me "You know I really do love you right?"

Well, no, he really doesn't. But whatever.

I want to just write an email setting out boundaries. But, given the way the last email was received I don't know how well it will work.

I don't know!!! I know this is hard, but dang it, this just makes it harder. 

Also, we have not yet told the (3) kids. He is sleeping in another room and still using our master bathroom and closet. I'd like to move all his stuff upstairs so that he has no reason to come into my room and bathroom area. But, I figure we need to tell the kids what is happening first.

I'd like to do this while causing the least amount of anger and hurt. I hate confrontation.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

hmmm.

Your post doesn't have enough information, but something caught my eye:



> I have decided to get a divorce. I say "I" because my husband is refusing to take responsibility for anything.


Your husband is refusing to take responsibility for *your* decision to divorce him? 

You expect your husband to be completely okay with this and not even attempt to tell you he loves you?

Was he abusive? A drunk? Unfaithful?

Your post sounds very self-centered. I understand you left out the reasons for your decisions, but damn! Your approach is somewhat mean!


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## workitout (Jan 24, 2012)

The best thing you can do is focus on how you contributed to the situation, rather than what the other person may or may not be responsible for.

If anything, based on the limited information, it sounds like the guy is in denial and has no idea how to "fix" the marriage. Have you asked to go to counseling?

It sounds like you're certain its over, but obviously he doesn't think so.


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

You have not explained why you want a divorce? You say you want to set boundaries but personally ive never heard of anyone who has asked for a divorce from their spouse and still live together if things are bad. Seems like if you want to set boundaries then you would say it straight that yo dont want him to kiss you or act like everything is ok.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

You are sleeping in separate rooms but you don't want to move his clothes out because the kids don't know?

If he's sleeping in another room, they know.

Also what's with all the emailing? At first I thought maybe he had moved out already but if he's in the same house then why not just talk to him?

Also the divorce won't be near completion 4 months from now especially if you haven't even filed yet. 

Especially if only one of you wants a divorce and that appears to be the case. Expect resistence.


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## loveurselffirst (Feb 11, 2012)

notaname said:


> I have decided to get a divorce. I say "I" because my husband is refusing to take responsibility for anything.
> So, I said, yes I want a divorce and I don't see him being able to move out until June. Plus June is good because it coincides with the kids getting out of school for the summer. Gives him time to, hopefully, save up some money and for the divorce to at least be near completion.
> 
> Anyway, now I feel like he is in denial or something. It's been about 3 weeks since the final decision was made. We had also discussed it before the holidays. So, I guess it's fairly new, but it certainly isn't shocking.
> ...


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