# Disrespected and unloved



## Honest_1st (Aug 4, 2012)

So I'm a fairly newlywed (married for 8 months) but since we've been married it sort of feels like we never had a honeymoon stage at all. I found out I was sick in march and I've been on an unpaid medical leave since then. When I found out I was sick my husband never really showed any emotion towards it and all he does is say I'm not sick or makes it seem like I'm looking for sympathy from him and others.False!! Beside that he does what he wants and nothing I ever want to do, I can't tell you the last time we did something together as a family or together as husband and wife or even while we were engaged. At the beginning of our relationship I dealt with cheating, lying, even females sending me messages via FB to expose him because he left them alone. I've always been the full time parent and the one taking care of home financially when he was jobless and now that the shoe is on the other foot it seems like I'm getting the short end of the stick. I never geta brake or vacation while he's able to travel and go places with his side of the family without me and our child. He always says, "I couldn't get enough money for you to come or someone else's paying for me." Even after I tell him how unfair it is he still goes and says maybe next time. Recently the arguements have been very heated because he always says that I'm sad or depressed but financially I'm unable to provide for myself or child and I've never been the type to depend on others to take care of me like my mom is doing right now. He stays out as late as he wants and only comes around when he wants or until he needs something and is always accusing me of cheating when I know that I've been 100% faithful to him since I met him. He gets mad and says that he wants a divorce everytime he gets mad and calls me out of my name as well. Everything has to go his way, we never talk about our issues he just wants to sweep them under the rug and move on like it never happens and then when another issue arises he leaves. He is very selfish, so selfish that when he gets money he finds a way to spend it on him instead of our home. He spends more time with his friends than he does me and our daughter and anything they say goes. Sometime it makes me question why do you have me around if you're friends are more important and their word is golden. Also everyone else's opinions matter and his pride level is beyond high because he gets attention from all his friends like about everything he does. All of these issues really affect my daughter because she misses out on a lot because we don't have. I'm very unfamiliar with the person he's become and honestly I feel so disrespected and unloved by him that it makes me question if this is even worth fighting for. Counseling isn't an option because he doesn't want to go so that makes things even worse. Please help!!


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

all i can say is don't waste time on him, you can't make a person care for you, they either do or they don't, trust your gut instincts and make your way out of this relationship.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Honest_1st said:


> So I'm a fairly newlywed (married for 8 months) but since we've been married it sort of feels like we never had a honeymoon stage at all. I found out I was sick in march and I've been on an unpaid medical leave since then. When I found out I was sick my husband never really showed any emotion towards it and all he does is say I'm not sick or makes it seem like I'm looking for sympathy from him and others.False!! Beside that he does what he wants and nothing I ever want to do, I can't tell you the last time we did something together as a family or together as husband and wife or even while we were engaged. At the beginning of our relationship I dealt with cheating, lying, even females sending me messages via FB to expose him because he left them alone. I've always been the full time parent and the one taking care of home financially when he was jobless and now that the shoe is on the other foot it seems like I'm getting the short end of the stick. I never geta brake or vacation while he's able to travel and go places with his side of the family without me and our child. He always says, "I couldn't get enough money for you to come or someone else's paying for me." Even after I tell him how unfair it is he still goes and says maybe next time. Recently the arguements have been very heated because he always says that I'm sad or depressed but financially I'm unable to provide for myself or child and I've never been the type to depend on others to take care of me like my mom is doing right now. He stays out as late as he wants and only comes around when he wants or until he needs something and is always accusing me of cheating when I know that I've been 100% faithful to him since I met him. He gets mad and says that he wants a divorce everytime he gets mad and calls me out of my name as well. Everything has to go his way, we never talk about our issues he just wants to sweep them under the rug and move on like it never happens and then when another issue arises he leaves. He is very selfish, so selfish that when he gets money he finds a way to spend it on him instead of our home. He spends more time with his friends than he does me and our daughter and anything they say goes. Sometime it makes me question why do you have me around if you're friends are more important and their word is golden. Also everyone else's opinions matter and his pride level is beyond high because he gets attention from all his friends like about everything he does. All of these issues really affect my daughter because she misses out on a lot because we don't have. I'm very unfamiliar with the person he's become and honestly I feel so disrespected and unloved by him that it makes me question if this is even worth fighting for. Counseling isn't an option because he doesn't want to go so that makes things even worse. Please help!!


You seem to have married a monster. Is he cheating on you? Seems likely.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Poeple can only get away with crap if we tolorate it. I bet if he saw divorce paper he might change his toon and they can be withdrawn...and if he doesn't then stay on course and follow thru with it.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Honest_1st said:


> Sometime it makes me question why do you have me around if you're friends are more important and their word is golden.


I'm so sorry you're in such a terrible situation.The real question you should be asking is why you stay around.I understand that you may not have the resources and are worried about your daughters security,but as they say where there's a will there's a way.There are resources out there where you can find help and direction,but you have to decide how much you value yourself.I hope you make the right decision for you and your daughter.Take care.


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## Honest_1st (Aug 4, 2012)

MattMatt: Physically there has been no cheating to my knowledge. We have an agreement on if you're going to cheat just divorce.

The guy: I'm pretty sure it will work but I also have tried the silent treatment thing as well because I hate arguing around my daughter and he does seem to try and turn it around and say that I'm neglecting him.

TBT: thanx I will definitely weigh out my options and resources


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

TBT said:


> I'm so sorry you're in such a terrible situation.The real question you should be asking is why you stay around.I understand that you may not have the resources and are worried about your daughters security,but as they say where there's a will there's a way.There are resources out there where you can find help and direction,but you have to decide how much you value yourself.I hope you make the right decision for you and your daughter.Take care.


:iagree:

You're basically a single parent already. I wouldn't stay in a marriage like this.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Honest_1st said:


> I'm pretty sure it will work but I also have tried the silent treatment thing as well because I hate arguing around my daughter and he does seem to try and turn it around and say that I'm neglecting him.


The silent treatment does not work.

Arguing does not work.

Being a doormat does not work.

You mention in your OP that at the beginning of the relationship, you tolerated "cheating" and "lying." That does not work.

I cannot find one single thing in your OP that says anything positive about this man or your relationship.

But you are "pretty sure" it will work.

His friends and what they think are more important than you and your daughter. He prefers being with them. You feel disrespected and unloved.

I think you need to ask yourself very, very honestly why you are in this relationship and what you are getting out of it.

I can't see one thing, at this point in time, that is salvageable.

Stop with the blaming and finger-pointing. It gets you nowhere. Figure out if there is any common ground left. If he won't sit down and respectfully listen to your concerns about this marriage, you might want to consider separating for the time being to get some room to think this through.


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## Honest_1st (Aug 4, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> .
> Stop with the blaming and finger-pointing. It gets you nowhere. Figure out if there is any common ground left. If he won't sit down and respectfully listen to your concerns about this marriage, you might want to consider separating for the time being to get some room to think this through.




That seems to be one thing that we have agreed on because he has said it himself that he doesn't want to let me go because he has never fought for anything this long and he really loves me to death but sometimes he can't stand to be around me because of my health issues and the mind set it has put me in due to my financial hardships and the fact that I'm always stuck at home alone with my daughter.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. Maybe your vows were different.


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

You need to get out. There are so many men out there that will love and respect you. If he has no real respect for you and your feelings then you need to leave. That will just continue to crush your self esteem.


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## Honest_1st (Aug 4, 2012)

Shiksa said:


> through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. Maybe your vows were different.


Those were my vows but I seem to be the only one who is living by them though.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

When someone accuses you of something you haven't done, it's usually because they're guilty of whatever they're accusing. I think he is cheating on you. 

I also think if you're going through all this, you could choose to value yourself and hold out for better from a better man.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Sounds like you put on blinders when it came to your new husband. You only wanted to see the good in him, which is good but it is bad when the good is false. 

If he treats you this way now, imagine how it will escalate later in life. Do some serious soul searching. This doesn't sound like a happy marriage and you deserve happiness. Getting divorced these days is no longer taboo. Your sense of well being is paramount. 

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like you married a d!ck.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

You deserve better.


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