# Marriage Problem, Please help



## Has (May 29, 2013)

Hi,
We got married since 2012 and its not even a year now.
We both are well educated and his family members are well educated too. But I am unable to pursue my dreams. Yes, all his sisters and my husband are against for going to job. I cannot be keeping my mouth shut as I am very ambitious. Before marriage my husband was OK with me going to job.I don't understand why ? My husband says if I go to job I will neglect family and he wants family to be put in first place(but its just two of us). Although I convinced him so many times that I wont neglect family, he is still against it. Before marriage he seemed to be a very broad minded person who is educated and he has masters in abroad. Why does he think that I should not work. How come young generation like me can be quite when we are opposed to having our own dreams and wishes? Every time I ask him he says so many reason like I wont be able to take leaves, I wont take care of family, I will be rude if I go to job etc., I am not such a person. If I talk about working, he shouts and yells at me. His anger goes to peak. He does not wants to have kids now, so I always feel bored and resentful at home. We don't even have any physical relationship for so many months. He says because of his Thyroid problem he can't help it. He asks me to find someone else leaving him. In our place/culture people wont consider divorce that easily and there will be lot of problem after that but for that should I live my life without any purpose? Even my mom is in a very prestigious position at her work , wont I want to be like her ?
My dear friends, I am so confused please help me. He is not at all a kind of person who listens and understands others easily. He has his own set of rules.

He is a shy person who hardly speaks when he is out at restaurant or any public places, I would like to sit and relax and enjoy nature but he would like to keep moving. We don't have the option of speaking while we are out.
He always enjoys staying at home watching movies. So I sit with him and watch movies along with him. At that time I have asked about working several times he says shut up and watch movie, thats it.
He says if I go for job, whenever there is a conflict between us there are chances that I may get attracted to someone else. 

Once he gave me permission to do volunteering, but within 3 days he asked me stop going because his sisters were planning to visit us but they did not. Even if they did not visit us, his decision is final he did not ask me to go back to volunteering after that, again he gave me so many reasons like I won't be able to take leaves when his family members are visiting us. This disturbed me a lot because he is controlling me in whatever I plan to do. I was very happy when I went for volunteering because I met so many new people and it was a great relief for me. Everything came to an end when he asked me to stop.

Regarding my dressing, even if I wear normal jeans and T-shirts he will have issues with that, he would say neck is low even if it is normal. Already my dressing sense will be normal I won't even wear sleeveless, but he always has a bad comments for whatever I wear. He would be upset all through the day just because of my dress.
I engage myself with things such as article writing, online surveys etc., but at times when I don't do anything my mind clings to negative thoughts like why am I like this?, before marriage I was very independent working for a MNC company, now even for my dressing I need to ask my husband.

Need Advice , please help!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry you are here, sounds like he keeps you in prison; you don't share your background, do you live in the US?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Has (May 29, 2013)

No I live in Australia.....


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## BrotherSka (Oct 26, 2011)

Dear Has:

The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, wondering where the ‘love’ went, and staying together for the kids’ sake.

It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things. For the man:

1. To accept everything that he knows and does not know about you before you are married.

2. To accept you regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if you are disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, he promises to accept you.

3. To forgive you later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness.

4. To encourage you to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship - otherwise it will get boring.

After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying physical, mental and emotional experience.

It is possible that your husband misinterpreted his feelings of attraction as love. He now needs to love you.

Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College. (LoveIsAPromise.wordpress.com)


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Sounds like he is trying to control you. I'd get out of the relationship the sooner the better. You can't change him.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He is a control freak, this is a form of abuse. The sooner you get out of this, the better, because he will not change, and likely will escalate.


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