# How to communicate 60% proof, anybody ever told spouse of GPS or VAR



## happydad (Apr 11, 2016)

See my other threads for background. I have a meeting tonight with my wife and MC. 

Quick background: Suspicious of wife's flirtatious behavior for the past year and a month ago I found out and she lied to my face about 27K in debt. 

Quick story from this past weekend. So I went out of town for the weekend on a guys trip and set up a VAR in the bedroom and car (didn't work properly in the car) and GPS. She spent Saturday with my two young kids with the wives and kids of the friends I was with and the kids stayed the night and Saturday night (10pm) my wife took an odd detour through our neighborhood where we live coming home, very close but not directly in front of one of my suspected POSOM lives, she was also intoxicated so this could be why. I listed to the VAR at the time she got home, and it wasn't very loud and she turned on the AC unit which was next to the VAR but I could still here the TV and or her voice when she was talking. All I heard was ouch like she hurt herself, then I hear a lot of the dog, which sleeps in our bed then I hear "F*CK me" and then it went quiet for 30 seconds then I heard what could be slapping sex sounds but also could very easily be the dog to which she says "I am so f*cked up and you hear her getting up from the bed.

I listened to this yesterday morning and flew off the handle and called her and told her I received an anonymous email you need to come clean or we are done routine thinking I had solid evidence. She said she was home with my step daughter when she got home that night and I asked my step daughter and she said she worked until 1am. I asked her if she drove home the same way she drives home every time and she said yes, of course. So two lies I caught her with. She is hysterical at this point and she drove to my office and grilled me asking for the email and saying she can't handle me and my accusations. She said this same thing when I initially found out about the finances basically saying how much I hurt her when I accuse her of cheating and/or having feelings for somebody else immediately followed by how ashamed she is and will do anything to make me trust her again.

She didn't come clean with anything and said we needed couples counseling which I said to set it up and we'll lay everything on the table.

I've listened to the VAR 100 times and I'm only 60% sure it is her, hell, she could be alone as I don't hear a man's voice.

I'm at my wits end on how to handle, I told her last night I might be getting trolled by somebody on a blog that may be messing with me because at that moment I believed her. I said their was no picture in the email and I lied about that but that I did get an email saying my wife cheated on me.

I'm struggling because my evidence (VAR and GPS) are something I obviously can't share. Any advice?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i would continue with the VAR for now...what does she use on a tablet or a computer? (you could load a key logger on a computer), have you thought of hiring a PI


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## happydad (Apr 11, 2016)

Xenote said:


> i would continue with the VAR for now...what does she use on a tablet or a computer? (you could load a key logger on a computer), have you thought of hiring a PI


I think you are right, part of me is so used to being forthright that I hate lying, but I feel I have to play her game. Just her iphone, and I've never found anything on it. My old laptop is the de-facto home computer now, so she uses that but really doesn't spend much time on it.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Don't ever reveal your tools.

Devils advocate could it have been the TV? 

I would move the VAR away from the TV AND AC if possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

happydad said:


> See my other threads for background. I have a meeting tonight with my wife and MC.
> 
> Quick background: Suspicious of wife's flirtatious behavior for the past year and a month ago I found out and she lied to my face about 27K in debt.
> 
> ...


*Yes. Report her for driving whilst intoxicated. Because one day she'll hurt herself or someone else, or kill someone.*


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

I don't think you have enough to form an opinion at this point. Don't confront your wife and definitely continue with the surveillance. 

What went wrong with the VAR in the car? 

If you move the VAR closer to the bed do you think it will pick up conversation in the living room?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

When you go to the counselor tell them that your wife has been lying to you, hiding significant amounts of debt, and abusing alcohol. Then say you aren't sure if you still want to be married to her, then listen to what he says. Skip the other stuff.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

happydad said:


> I'm struggling because my evidence (VAR and GPS) are something I obviously can't share. Any advice?


Perhaps @weightlifter can help? Send him a PM, he has experience clearing up audio recordings if you'd be willing to send it to him


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Stop the accusations and continue monitoring her. She knows you are suspicious and will be extra careful. 

Your' accusing her and her "later" responsive feelings of anger then [guilt?] shows me that something untoward may have happened. It could be a minor infidelious offense ..or not..... could be loose talk.....not loose legs.

It is too early to safely "call" this one. 

DO NOT push a GOOD WOMEN to a BAD WOMEN's roost. Her feathers may not belong there. The fact that she is willing to sit on the counseling egg glimmers some hope of a good hatch out.

Wait and Bide.....The Truth will Bode, yea or nay. 

No nudge from your quarter....please. Zip that lip. 

Let that flat careening stone [that you lobbed] skip to it's own trajectory and resting place.....it will home itself. The ripples are in play.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

^This

Good work on the VAR. Continue it.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Received a PM. Im on it if he wishes.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

happydad said:


> i hear a lot of the dog, which sleeps in our bed then i hear "f*ck me" and then it went quiet for 30 seconds then i heard what could be slapping sex sounds but also could very easily be the dog


eeeew!


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Yosemite said:


> eeeew!


That's what I thought too...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, you have nothing on that VAR.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Could she have been masterbating when you heard the **** me and slapping sound?

I will say **** me sometimes not talking to anyone, stubbed toe, drop something .


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## happydad (Apr 11, 2016)

Lostme said:


> Could she have been masterbating when you heard the **** me and slapping sound?
> 
> I will say **** me sometimes not talking to anyone, stubbed toe, drop something .


This is ultimately what I think is the case but I flew off the handle. She did say ouch a minute earlier after I heard a thud. It's just so hard to decipher.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

If you really think she is having sex in your bed put a nanny cam up. You wouldn't believe how cheap they are and easy to set up. 

I personally won't go that far anymore. If I even get the feeling something is shady I take three steps back. If you want the best way to catch her it would probably be the PI. They have all the tools and they can follow her every move. 

C


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Lostme said:


> Could she have been masterbating when you heard the **** me and slapping sound?
> 
> I will say **** me sometimes not talking to anyone, stubbed toe, drop something .


If she was truly intoxicated, I think it could be more of "f-me" trying to get the bed to quit spinning.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yosemite said:


> eeeew!


More likely the dog gnawing on one of its arthritic joints or somesuch.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> When you go to the counselor tell them that your wife has been lying to you, hiding significant amounts of debt, and abusing alcohol. Then say you aren't sure if you still want to be married to her, then listen to what he says. Skip the other stuff.


This.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Fix the VAR in the car. 

Guarantee if she is banging some guy in your house she will be talking to him or her girlfriends in the car.

But if you confront her again DO NOT reveal how you know anything.

I kind of think if she was going at it to utter those sounds that you would have heard a male voice. And quite honestly, if she was disrespectful enough to bring OM into your house and bedroom, you will have more opportunities to catch her because she will do it again and again.

Now the GPS does prove she is still a liar, so that problem is unresolved, and $27K is not something to brush aside. 

Your wife obviously has some issues. I am not sure MC is such a great idea because she will lie with you sitting there. You m igt consider IC for her WITH the condition the therapist talks to you about her findings.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Is she cheating or is she straddling the line?

Maybe... Maybe Not.

Regardless, you post here. You VAR/GPS her car and bedroom... thus you suspect. A decade+ ago I was in a the suspecting boat, aisle A-seat 1. Like you no firm/concrete proof. Like you I did the "soft" confront. And... like you got the "I would would never cheat on you, how can you accuse me of that, you know I love you."

In my case, All Big Fat Lies. All my soft confront did was make her game stronger. 

2 words for you H... STOP IT!

You obviously need the truth, It ain't coming from her mouth. Go dark, go secret, look, verify, VAR/GPS, but shut up. 

MC is going to be problematic at best at this point. You have showed your hand, best if you just kept your mouth shut. You are going to get painted as the Crazy Husband suspicious of his loving wife. 

Damn... I hate the soft confront. Screwed me out of years of my life. Good luck.


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