# I want to keep my promise



## Buddysgal (Mar 31, 2012)

I am new to here, but I have a situation that I need to get some advise from. My husband and I have been married for 25 years, our kids have grown and moved out and now its just me and him. About 12 years ago, we became close friends with another couple that lives out of state. We always planned our vacations together, rented a cabin in the mountains or a cottage by the beach. Over the years we have let loose of our inhibitions and the four of us would spend our whole time nude and free to make love to each other in front the other couple, as it progressed we swapped. My husband was fine with it, as well as I was, because we were very close to our friends. 
Well last year, I had to go to a conference that was in the same city as our friends, so I decided to stay with them. Every night we had a threesome, and I loved it, and told my husband all about it. And promised him that one day we would do a threesome with him.
The problem is that our friends have found religion now and no longer wants to be with us. They said that they can't vacation with us anymore because it would be too tempting. We still talk, but that's about it. 
My husband wants to find another couple to hang out with and do like we did with the other couple. I told him that what we had with that couple was special and didn't want to do that anymore. He asked about my promise and now I don't know what to do. I just can't see him with another woman just to keep a promise. And before anyone says it, Our marriage is great, I just don't know what to do.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Goose. Gander. Time to pay the piper babe. Sorry.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

The problem is not with a promise for a threesome, it's that he wants to continue the lifestyle and you're happy to retire it now that your close friends have gone away. The fact is that you probably won't find another close friendship that evolves into something sexual (or it will take a long time) so you would be seeking a sexual relationship from the start - he wants to pursue this and you don't. He's clinging onto the promise of the threesome because he doesn't want to retire from the lifestyle. Giving him a threesome 'transaction' won't solve this. He wants to pursue finding another couple to play with. I don't agree that this is a problem of you being 'one up' on him.

You need to work out the more general issue of whether you will continue with this lifestyle or retire. You clearly do not want to do it and if you are resolute then he will need to accept and respect this. Can you come to a compromise position? Perhaps you go to a nude beach, camp or vacation but agree not to mess around? You can then make some 'progressive' friends, keeping you somewhat connected to the lifestyle. I don't believe these places are high pressure for swapping or anything like that and in fact many, most or all prohibit sexual activity at least in the open.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

No the problem is that by doing this without him for another man she has cuckolded him. A 3some for him is the only way to restore balance and fairness.


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## buffalo689 (Feb 11, 2012)

Have you tried calling your girlfriend ,and explained your situation to her? Maybe she'll go for "one for old times sake" and help you balance things out ??


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## Buddysgal (Mar 31, 2012)

I do not want to retire, I just feel bad that our friends have. My hubby is not pressuring me in any way, He is willing to find new friends, as am I. and we know that it will take some time to get to where we were with our old friends. I believe He only brought it up, because he was sad that our friends changed and we didn't.


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## Kasus (Mar 31, 2012)

In my opinion you should leave your old friends alone. See it from their point of view, they feel they are changing for the "better". Even if you don't see it, you should never talk about threesomes/swapping/etc. to them, it would be disrespecting of them and their (new found) belief. After all I'm sure you would not people to judge you and your husbands relationship.

As for finding a new couple, just be careful that desperation to find a new "trusting" couple can possibly blindside you into making an incorrect hasty decision. It's hard to find the bond you speak of with the other couple that you had.


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