# What everyone should know...



## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

http://www.ananogales.com/htmls_en/colleagues/Children_ Infidelity_Article_9_09.pdf

Before entering into a committed relationship, or any relationship, perhaps establishing if parents have had experiences of infidelity could prove to be very useful.

44% of children that experience infidelity in the home, go onto have affairs in adulthood!


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

This is a weak piece from statistics point of view. There is no mention of the control group (people whose parents didn't cheat) and their corresponding infidelity rate.


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## oilfieldguy (Jul 3, 2011)

People cheat for different reasons. You will never get it down to one reason. Then there are the different types of cheaters. The one time deal. The affair that last a long time. I was a repeater. Different women every time and nothing long term. Love the thought of marriage but wanted some thing new when ever I could get it. I am pleased to say that since I have grown up and realized that I want my family and wife. I have faced my demons and have learned the cycle that lead to cheating and know how to stop it I have been doing great with no down falls.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

again, I end up going counter to stats- my dad cheated my wife's parents did not


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It is an unscientific survey. But, studies have shown children whose parents divorce are more likely to have problems in adult relationships. So the hypothesis is consistent with related topics.

The issue is obviously what the children know. If one parent cheats, but it's kept from the children and the parents don't divorce, that child will probably not be affected by the infidelity. But what happens if the parents can't keep the marital problems compartmentalized? Obviously, if the parents divorce, the child will have issues with trust and intimacy into adulthood.

I think the hypothesis is sound, but I would modify it to include divorce. My wife's parents have each had numerable marriages. We used to laugh about it showing my wife what NOT to do. My parents, who have been married for 40 years, were the main ones who were concerned. And they were right. We're not divorced, but it hasn't been a picnic.

If I had it to do all over again, I would think long and hard about finding a girl from a stable home rather than one who loses track of all her step-parents.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well we don't consult actuaries when we fall in love


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> well we don't consult actuaries when we fall in love


Maybe we should.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

Any kind of exposure to misdeeds raises the odds the kids will follow suit later in their adult lives. It could be divorce, abuse, etc... Infidelity is no exception. However, there are many other variables that play into things and by manipulating those other variables, a parent can try preventing repeat in the kids' life. 

The sad thing is, the victim has higher likelihood of becoming the offender of the same crime.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

maybe because I was a young adult when my father's infidelity came out was the reason I became so cognizant of how hurtful it can be and made a promise to myself to not ever do the same


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

I think infidelity witnessed by children can work either way in determining the likelyhood that they will engage in the activity.

Seems to me that some people are just born with certain personality traits or mental issues that cause them to be more likely to "cheat".

Another factor is work enviroment and peers/friends. An old adage from the AA saying rings true here..."If you hang out in a barber shop all the time, eventually you'll get a haircut."

My thinking, it's a mix of Nuture and Nature. The OP suggests a nuture factor that could work either way on a child depending on how the infidelity impacted the child.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

As far as I know, I am the only one in my family (parents family) that did this.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

quote by Yardman 

"If you hang out in a barber shop all the time, eventually you'll get a haircut."

This is so true. Sadly, I learned this too late. Took 18 months and a lot of research on my part to finally discover the APs and a hotbed of friends that were proud to compete and be seen as the best lotharo.


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