# I believe my husband is using me for money. What should I do? Should I stay or go?



## Mommyof3inVA (Jun 3, 2012)

I am a mom of three kids, my older two are from a previous relationship. My husband and I have been married for 4 years now, and in the beginning things were great.. isn't always like that?? Well, the first year of our marriage, both of us were working full time, so no money issues. In our second year of marriage, I was still working full time, but my husband lost his job when I was 7 months pregnant with our son. Well, that is when things went downhill. I helped him with everything. I paid all the bills and helped him also, but it became too much so I broke the lease to our apartment and moved back in with my mom. We were having major issues with our marriage. We continued to live separately for over a year, and then decided that it was time to try again. He was working, but now I wasn't due to my health issues with cervical cancer and anemia. Now, he is out of the country taking care of his ailing mother, and yet he keeps asking me for money. I told him that I am tired of it. I understand every once in a blue moon, but I am not an ATM and I am not giving him any more money. I have bills and kids to take care of. He said to me that until I send him money, he is not speaking to me. I think it's immature, and I am just ready to throw in the towel and get a divorce, but marriage is forever. I told him that I am looking into getting a divorce, and he says that if I file, he will sue me because half of my money is his, and I refused to help him while in need. My car was repossessed over 2 years ago, because I was helping him. I know it was foolish, but I never let that happen again. What do I do? I tried to talk to him, and I told him that I think that he is using me, he says he is not. He says it's not about the money, it's about principle. What do I do?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

He will sue because half the money is his? Well depending on what state you live in and if he his name is on certain things then yeah it kinda is. 

However, he is treating you crappy, and he shouldn't demand money from you because he has no job. If you took it to court you need to let the lawyers know up front he hasn't worked in X amount of time, tell them what he is asking money for etc then let the court decide. 

I imagine him saying he will sue if you don't help him is nothing more than a threat. He is childish and immature.

You asked what should you do? You should take it to a lawyer tell them what you told us here and let them decide.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

"and then decided that it was time to try again. He was working, but now I wasn't due to my health issues with cervical cancer and anemia."

Huh. You kinda glossed right over that part. So he supported you through health issues, huh? For how long?

Seems to me that he is asking you to do the same.

I don't have enough info here, but I definitely get the feeling that we are not hearing the whole story, and I apologize for sounding unsupportive.

Also, you said, "marriage is forever."

It's really not -- even if you think it ought to be, we live in a society where people have free will in this realm. If you feel this resentful, perhaps you should consider a divorce.


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## Mommyof3inVA (Jun 3, 2012)

I have thought about divorce, but I thought he would change. I just spoke to him yesterday, and I told him that I will be filing for divorce because of all of this. He says marriage is half and half. I do agree to a degree, but it takes two to make it work,and I have done all I can to no avail. I don't want my kids to think it's ok to be in a crappy relationship and put up with crap. I think I have made my mind up, but I don't think he will ever change. I gave up on that thought.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Remind him that half the dept is his too.

Unless all of your pre-marital money is now in a joint account with both names on it... then your pre-marital account should stay yours.

It'll be a ****** trying to prove it all.
But yeah, he's only thinking of his mother right now & does not care that you are hurting financially. Does not care where you or his kids are living... He is only caring about his mother right now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mommyof3inVA said:


> He said to me that until I send him money, he is not speaking to me.


Seriously?

Get rid of the *********. You and your kids deserve better. What a schmuck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Go to United Way and see if they can help you get access to a sliding scale lawyer as well as an accountant who will help you make a case that he OWES more than he can GET. As soon as he figures that out, you'll never see him again.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

turnera said:


> Seriously?
> 
> Get rid of the *********. You and your kids deserve better. What a schmuck.


I totally agree!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I am having trouble following this post...

So, you guys separated when he was unemployed, you decided to try again when you were unemployed with health issues, and now you want to split because he's unemployed and having health issues with his family?

Did he really just up and leave and go out of the country to take care of his family without talking to you? Did you agree to it? Or, did you refuse to support him even though he supported you through a similar ordeal?

Why is there all this talk about suing for money? Doesn't he already have a claim on marital assets?

I apologize for all the questions but I'm confused. The thing I'm getting most of all from your post is that one of your highest needs is financial security. Hubby is not delivering so I guess your direction is clear.


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