# New Member - Intro



## FloridaOranges (Apr 30, 2019)

Hey everyone, I'm "FloridaOranges." Coming up on 10 yrs of marriage - mostly wonderful years - we have a 7 yr old and a 10 month old, we live in Florida as you may have figured out. Anyway, I'm open to learning about how to be a better husband and figured this place might be of use. 

The good news - my marriage has no significant issues (no cheating, decent financial foundation, belong to a good church, live in a good neighborhood). 

The bad news - my wife and I both came from somewhat dysfunctional families and sometimes we get our values mixed up. Meaning we self-sabotage ourselves and each others happiness. 

Anyway, hope there are some members here that know what they're talking about . 
-Cheers, FLO


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Welcome to Tam!! There are some great people here. Post your specific issues and you'll get some good responses and advice.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I am sure you will find the help and resources that you need.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Welcome!


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## FloridaOranges (Apr 30, 2019)

My specific issue is that my wife and I always argue about who is starting fights. Alot of it is likely due to our 10 month olds 4 hour sleep cycle keeping us both awake more than we'd like. But in case it's more than that, it seems like my wife has an uncanny ability to never be completely satisfied with anything. Her mom was/is an alcoholic (my parents never drank) and my degree is in social science with an emphasis in psychology (i'm also an aquarius, so being intuitive is my nature). I have a hard time NOT diagnosing our problems or her problems. She hates when I do that, but I can't help knowing what I know. I'm a full time artist and live with passion for my work. She's a full time work from home marketing manager - probably works 20 hours per week right now though. She loves her job to the extent that she's working from home, less stress, less hours, less everything, but she's also got to figure out what to do with the extra time she has on her hands. 

So to catch to the chase, we are arguing over dumb things, she says i'm aggressive, I say she with holds sexually. After baby #2 her interest in sex is low. And she wants me to get a vasectomy - which I am not doing, as I've had plenty of sex and never had an issue with unwanted pregnancies, both our children were planned. 

I am 39 she is 37. Thoughts? Oh, and all of her family lives on the other side of the country. We live a block away from my family. Her parents got a divorce due to her moms drinking. My parents are still together (celebrating 45 yrs), but my Dad has CTE from football which has progressively gotten worse over the yrs. 

My wife likes to start fights at night, after the kids have gone to bed. I will say she's a good problem solver, but I'm not sure how aware she is that she is her own worst enemy, not me. My work requires me to be highly relatable - so often times she projects on to me. I think things should smooth out in a couple months, we are taking a month long vacation to San Diego. But she likes to threaten me with leaving me, which I know she won't, but it still bothers me, thus I'm here.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think you are both being selfish.

However, she is not here, so let's start with you.



1st, I don't care what your bachelor's degree that you are not using was in, stop diagnosing her. Just stop it. Yes you can. You just close your mouth and stop doing it. Regarding the vasectomy, if she does not want more children, get the vasectomy. The fact that you've had plenty of sex with no unwanted pregnancies is not even relevant. It is much less invasive and much safer for you to have a vasectomy then for her to have invasive surgery to have her tubes tied. If she is done with children having, then you are both done with children having.



I don't know what you do as a passionate artist, but if your finances are a stressor, that would explain some of the argument to. Do the 2 of you make enough income to cover everything? If not, one or both of you might need to find something with a little less Passion and a little more income. And I say that as a musician. Sometimes us creative people forget silly things like electric bills and groceries lol because we are so busy creating



S4 is her interest in sex goes, taking care of 2 is harder than taking care of one, but at 10 months old your youngest should be sleeping well enough that she isn't completely exhausted. If your youngest or oldest or both are still sleeping and bed with you, that needs to stop. Just that change could improve your sex life. Not to mention your sleep.



What was it that drew you to each other in the 1st place? See if you can schedule some babysitting or child care and focus on spending time with just the 2 of you peering it no offense to women, but young mothers are terrible at this period we often neglect our husbands in the pursuit of perfect motherhood. Gently steer her in the direction of making your marriage and relationship a priority by making your time together really enjoyable.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

What do you bring to the table financially?


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## FloridaOranges (Apr 30, 2019)

I make $60k. She makes about the same, but her work provides health insurance. 

We do need a baby sitter and we do need to go on dates more. We are really happy once we are out of the house. We save our $.


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