# What the hell is wrong with people?



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I was going to add to my last thread, but that one now revolves around singing karaoke, so I'll start a new one. And, I'll start with this: what in the sam hell is wrong with people who are out and about in the dating world?? Some of them need a good, swift kick in the ass.

In the last thread, I asked about second date ideas for someone who has social anxiety (which in this case, was him). He's 41, a psychologist who works in a hospital environment and with our local police and ambulance services, going to calls that require a psychological component. Interesting work, and a very interesting man to talk to. He's not perfect, but he was an excellent match for me, and I was very excited to see him again. Dealing with his anxiety took a bit though, as it is pretty severe, and I pretty much had to cater to him so that he was comfortable. 

Fast forward to last week… he suddenly seemed to get very busy at work, and was very out of touch, even if I messaged him, I wouldn't hear back for hours. This was weird because he said that he didn't like to leave people hanging because he knew the anxiety that it could induce. Our first meetup was Nov 10 (Sat); on Nov 13 (Tues), apparently, the woman that he's madly in love with started in on her feelings of lust for him again, and so he's conflicted. Apparently, they've never dated or done anything physical; just hang out. They work together, and are on frequent shifts together, which means that she's either a police officer or an EMT. He picks up as many shifts as he can, and I now know why. He told me initially (before we even met up) that he didn't know if he had the time to date someone. Last week, he met up with this work girl for lunch on Wed, brunch and supper on Thurs, met up Fri, Sat and Sun. And get this: she was with her BOYFRIEND Saturday night. Yeah, she's in a relationship with someone else. Really messed up situation. And, the dude I met is on eHarmony, looking for love.

What is wrong with people? And when the hell am I going to catch a break? Glad I dodged that bullet though.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

With all due respect, you should be asking what the hell is wrong with you. Why would you even consider dating someone who has admitted extreme anxiety issues and some other woman in his life that he has strong, unfulfilled feelings for? What good could possibly come from that?

If you just want sex, go to his place and bang him. If you want more than that, do you really see any kind of potential for something meaningful? I can't see how you could...


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Ursula, 

My father was a psychiatrist, I grew up around many psychologist and i can tell you that most of them go into that field to fix themselves first...and often can't. The line "Physician heal thyself" has merit in more ways than one....he sounds like sound who wants what he can't have....and i suspect this is not the first time for him. i am willing to bet that if you ended up getting another boyfriend he would be calling you. Ghost him.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

A psychologist with social anxiety? Ok.

Here's the most basic thing about love. When you are attracted to someone romantically, you WANT to be with them. All the time. If they have excuses for being somewhere else, not returning messages, full of excuses, they know you aren't perfect for them. As much as we want to believe that a little perseverance will go a long way, the reality is that you simply can't force someone to feel the same way about you as you feel about them.

Forget him. Get back on eHarmony and yell, NEXT?!?!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Several years ago, Dolly made a good point on TAM. She said a Psychiatrist told her that many mental health professionals are "barking mad."

His explanation? "The best way to hide a tree was to put it in a forest."


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Urs, that really sucks. The guy is just looking for a way to end his crush by dating other women. He's obviously a major beta to be so enamored with a woman that doesn't like him. He probably mentioned you and that's why she was suddenly available for lunch. It's a messed up relationship. Glad you saw through it so quickly.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

@zookeeper, whoa, whoa whoa, I knew about the anxiety, but didn't know quite how severe it was until we started planning our first meet up. As to why I'd consider dating someone with anxiety is this: I also have anxiety, but not to that great an extent. For me, it's situational, and I can usually work through it. Most of the people that I know have a bit of anxiety. I didn't know about the love of his life until this past Saturday evening. And here's a good question: why the hell do some people just assume that I'm after sex? I'm not. It's important in a relationship, yes, but I'm after a stable, steady relationship, not just boinking. So, you can kindly stop thinking that, thanks.
@Lostinthought61, I've stopped contact with him 100%. I don't have time for "men" like him, and I'm too old to deal with **** like that anyways. That however doesn't help or stop the fact that I'm absolutely livid. And thank-you for saying that about people in the mental health field. Because of his profession and things that he had told me, I thought he was a safe/good/stable choice, but he was not. Trust is going to be an issue for me from this point on.
@BigToe, yes, I agree with your sentiments: if someone wants to be with you, they'll make time for you. It's not that he was perfect for me; no one will be that. He was just a really good match. "Was" being the operative word here!
@MattMatt, how true is that. And then people like myself go to a psychologist to get help with our issues. I'll be staying away from those in the mental health field from here on in. I think I have some "bookmarked" (for lack of a better term) on my EH account. I'll be closing those matches!
@Bananapeel, one of my last comments to him was that I wish him the best, and that I hope things work out the way he hopes they will, but that I'm no longer interested in being in contact with him. I also told him to never contact me again before hanging up on him. I'm not sure if he's a beta, or what the hell he is, but boy am I glad I dodged that bullet!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Psychology degree people are nothing but messed up people. Avoid them like the plague.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> Psychology degree people are nothing but messed up people. Avoid them like the plague.


I had one more "bookmarked" on my EH list; he's blocked now.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> With all due respect, you should be asking what the hell is wrong with you. Why would you even consider dating someone who has admitted extreme anxiety issues and some other woman in his life that he has strong, unfulfilled feelings for? What good could possibly come from that?



I don't see anything wrong per se about dating someone new who has feelings for someone else. After all, that's why you date in the first place, so you can develop feelings for each other, right? Ursula only recently met this guy. It's only a problem if you have decided to become exclusive.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Ursula said:


> @zookeeper
> @MattMatt, how true is that. And then people like myself go to a psychologist to get help with our issues. I'll be staying away from those in the mental health field from here on in. I think I have some "bookmarked" (for lack of a better term) on my EH account. I'll be closing those matches!
> 
> @Bananapeel, one of my last comments to him was that I wish him the best, and that I hope things work out the way he hopes they will, but that I'm no longer interested in being in contact with him. I also told him to never contact me again before hanging up on him. I'm not sure if he's a beta, or what the hell he is, but boy am I glad I dodged that bullet!


Good for you in wishing him the best, telling him not to contact you, then hanging up!

But... Maybe I'm an eternal optimist, but I wouldn't necessarily write off ALL psychologists just because some of them are whack jobs. I'd be on high alert for red flags with anyone new you meet but if everything else seemed great and like a good match, I wouldn't write someone off for their career.

Sorry you're going through this, it must be disheartening to meet someone and get your hopes up then have them dashed. Good thing you are alert and saw the crazy pretty quickly though. 

I will admit, I did a "WTH?" when I read your other thread and saw "psychologist with social anxiety." But maybe I don't understand "social" anxiety compared to "anxiety" in general, because if this guy can handle going to emergency scenes and helping people in crisis, you'd think he could handle a second date in public. 

Ooohhhh... I just had a REALLY crazy thought - what if he's a serial killer and he just uses "social" anxiety to get his dates to go somewhere secluded with him? You may have REALLY dodged a bullet! Or a pick ax. Of course, going on about the real love of his life who he dates with her boyfriend is probably not the best pick up line for securing one's prey.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

So glad you jumped off the crazy train fast!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are about 3.5 billion men in this world. You need to find only one. That means that you will potentially reject 3.499999 billion men. That's a lot of rejecting to do. You are well on your way. 

The point is that the purpose of dating is to find out if someone is a good fit and someone you want to spend your life with.

There are only 2 reasons to date:

1) have a good time with people you enjoy spending time with and even having sex with
or
2) to find someone to spend the rest of your life with.​
The key is to find out very quickly if a guy is not worth your time. You found out that this guy is not in a very short time. Good for you! You think him and his situation is crazy? Yea, it is. But there are a lot who are even worse. So while his story sounds nuts, I'm sure that are many that are even worse.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Hang in there honey!!!!!
You're getting better at dropping the duds quicker. Good on you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I always say, some people are just nuts, and there's no explanations possible or logic involved. 

It took me a lot of years to just accept that fact.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Ursula said:


> What is wrong with people? And when the hell am I going to catch a break? Glad I dodged that bullet though.


No one is perfect, you just have to find someone who is more compatible with you than incompatible. He had a few red flags. Ghosting you for several days is definitely a red flag.

Hey! You ditched him very quickly after realizing how flaky he is! You're recognizing those red flags sooner, and not sticking around for unnecessary hurt. Good for you!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Theseus said:


> zookeeper said:
> 
> 
> > With all due respect, you should be asking what the hell is wrong with you. Why would you even consider dating someone who has admitted extreme anxiety issues and some other woman in his life that he has strong, unfulfilled feelings for? What good could possibly come from that?
> ...


I do. I'm not into dating someone who is in love with someone else and sees that person regularly. Yuck! Why do I want to date that??

There are plenty of men out there who aren't currently smitten with someone else.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Rob_1 said:


> Psychology degree people are nothing but messed up people. Avoid them like the plague.


Must.... Resist... Urge... To... Respond...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> There are about 3.5 billion men in this world. You need to find only one. That means that you will potentially reject 3.499999 billion men.



That’s a LOT of condoms before finding the right one...
Is there not a ‘fast track’ for this? 



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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ursula said:


> I was going to add to my last thread, but that one now revolves around singing karaoke, so I'll start a new one. And, I'll start with this: what in the sam hell is wrong with people who are out and about in the dating world?? Some of them need a good, swift kick in the ass.
> 
> In the last thread, I asked about second date ideas for someone who has social anxiety (which in this case, was him). He's 41, a psychologist who works in a hospital environment and with our local police and ambulance services, going to calls that require a psychological component. Interesting work, and a very interesting man to talk to. He's not perfect, but he was an excellent match for me, and I was very excited to see him again. Dealing with his anxiety took a bit though, as it is pretty severe, and I pretty much had to cater to him so that he was comfortable.
> 
> ...


You found a pathetic beta orbiter.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Rob_1 said:


> Psychology degree people are nothing but messed up people. Avoid them like the plague.


My wife has a Doctorate in Psychology! Oh.. wait... :rofl:


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Ursula said:


> @zookeeper, whoa, whoa whoa, I knew about the anxiety, but didn't know quite how severe it was until we started planning our first meet up. As to why I'd consider dating someone with anxiety is this: I also have anxiety, but not to that great an extent. For me, it's situational, and I can usually work through it. Most of the people that I know have a bit of anxiety. I didn't know about the love of his life until this past Saturday evening. And here's a good question: why the hell do some people just assume that I'm after sex? I'm not. It's important in a relationship, yes, but I'm after a stable, steady relationship, not just boinking. So, you can kindly stop thinking that, thanks.


YOU called his anxiety severe. That's hardly analogous to the normal types of mild, situational anxiety the average person experiences. Perhaps you didn't realize the severity of his condition initially, but you were still trying to date this guy after you did as evidenced by your own admission. Severe anxiety undermines stability so it really should be a dis-qualifier for you if that's what you really want.

You said that this other woman "_on Nov 13 (Tues), apparently, the woman that he's madly in love with started in on her feelings of lust for him again,_" suggesting that you were aware of this at least once before. My apologies if I misunderstood. I would hope that the minute you heard about this unhealthy situation you told him to take a hike. 

Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that you are after sex, that where the "if" part comes in. Simply put, I can't see any reason to continue with this man _unless_ all you wanted was sex. Because that is about the only thing he could give you that a platonic friend can't. 

Your picker seems to be out of calibration. If you want to find what you say you are looking for, you must learn to recognize what qualities such a man should have and (more importantly) what qualities he must not. I'd suggest that you sit down and write out a list of these qualities. Prioritize them the best you can and then evaluate prospective men by this list. You likely won't get everything you want, but the most important are critical. As soon as you see fundamental incompatibility, walk the other way. 

For example:

If you want a man who can take care of you, unemployment should be a deal-breaker.

If you want a man who has a lot of time to spend with you, someone who tells you they are too busy to date would be a poor choice. 

If you want a man to mix with your friends/family and take you out on the town, avoid a man with social anxiety.

If you have an aversion to sex, a man with a voracious sexual appetite should be rejected immediately.

If you have a voracious sexual appetite, a man with an aversion to sex should be equally rejected.

Etc.

Notice where I have written "if". It does not in any way construe a suggestion that these in fact are your feelings. These are merely illustrative points.

I hope that you can see that there is nothing "wrong" with any of these people, they are simply not compatible with you. The way that you have power to find what you want is by shifting the blame from them and putting it straight on the one person whose actions you can control. You.

Ultimately, the one thing that every man you have dated has in common is you. Don't you think at least some of this is your responsibility? This guy was at least upfront with you that he didn't know if he even had time to date. Why were you surprised when he turned out to be just that?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Livvie said:


> I do. I'm not into dating someone who is in love with someone else and sees that person regularly. Yuck! Why do I want to date that??
> 
> There are plenty of men out there who aren't currently smitten with someone else.


It's fine for casual sex if that's what someone is into, but casual sex is not dating. Not according to my lexicon, at least. Dating to me implies a deliberate effort to explore a progression toward a more serious relationship.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@Ursula Sorry my introduction of the karaoke idea jacked your previous thread 

I'm really glad you dodged that bullet. This guy sounds like a disaster, for reals.

I've experienced some of the same with OLD... I'm in no rush to get back into that, seeing as how I've come across so many red flags with so many guys. It's ridiculous. People insist it's a numbers game, but I'm a busy woman. I don't have time for that.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Can relate. People. They are a changing. 
Companionship is a blessing, however, if I didn't have my wife, I doubt I would even try to have a relationship again. 
Of all the women I know there are none that don't set off "spidey" senses some. Maybe I'm spoiled. 😎 

I know a psychologist; not one of few I have had good discussions with; that is a marriage counselor who is divorced. A kid always in trouble.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There must be a better way for dating. There are really nice men and really nice women out there - why is it so hard for them to find each other. (yes I can imagine all the reasons). Still is just seems so - well sad. 

Ursula - clearly you dodged a bullet here. You will find someone.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Livvie said:


> There are plenty of men out there who aren't currently smitten with someone else.


Maybe some men are different, but during my dating years, I was always smitten with someone, somewhere.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

@zookeeper, yes, I called his anxiety severe, but also said I didn't know how severe it was until we were trying to find a place to meet the day before our first meet-up. I made the choice to still go, and to be honest, once we got to talking, his anxiety went away completely. But yes, it was my own choice. My anxiety is usually high before meeting someone new too, until I talk to them then I relax. As a human being, I wouldn't want someone to pass over me because of that. No one is perfect. As for the "other woman", I learned about her this past Saturday, the day before him and I were planning on meeting. After finding out about this, I took myself out of the equation. I reread your post, and no, you didn't outright suggest that I was just after sex, but I feel that it was hinted at. And, I feel that way because I've gotten that reaction before, from others here. For some reason, because I'm active and in the dating world, and have slept with a couple guys I've met online, people just tend to assume that sex is the only thing I'm after. In reality, I went through a bad sexual experience throughout my marriage, and would NEVER get into a committed relationship without knowing if we're sexually compatible. I'm not going through that again! My picker is fine; it's some of the dudes online who pose as someone they're not, that isn't fine. I know what qualities I want in a man (yes, I have a list of my top 4), but unfortunately, it takes communication with said man to know whether or not he possesses those qualities. If I could just magically know by reading their profile and looking at their pictures, it would save a TON of time. Unfortunately though, it takes a few exchanged messages, and most definitely a meet-up or two to make sure we're on the right track. And, I'm sorry, but I disagree. There are some people out there who are just messed up, and some hide it very well. This "man" is one of those. This situation is not one bit my fault; it's his, 100%. The only thing I'm guilty of is being nice and communicating with him. I control my choices; not his.
@FeministInPink, no worries at all; I actually find threadjacks to be amusing  I think I'm there with you: I'm a busy woman and don't have time for dealing with things like this. I will play out the remainder of my EH subscription, but after that, I think I'll just lay low and become the crazy dog lady in the neighbourhood.
@red oak, I would imagine that companionship is a blessing, you sound lucky to have your wife as your companion.
@uhtred, I would hope so!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ursula said:


> @zookeeper, whoa, whoa whoa, *why the hell do some people just assume that I'm after sex? I'm not.* It's important in a relationship, yes, but I'm after a stable, steady relationship, not just boinking. So, you can kindly stop thinking that, thanks.


What the hell do you mean you aren't after sex?
You had better be!

You can go to restaurants with your girlfriends.
You can talk trash with your lady friends....if you choose.
You can go for walks, short trips, go to concerts, shows, you name it.

Yes, you can do these things with a man, too. Toot Toot.

But, going with a man is different.

Going with a man that you are 'close' to, intimate with means you can place your hand in his back pocket and not worry.
You can press your breast 'hard' against his shoulder and not worry.

You can rest your head on his shoulder when driving.
And fondle his carrot.

Oh, I forgot. :frown2: 
They do not make cars with a single front seat anymore!!

It is hard to snuggle with cars having two bucket seats. Damn! :frown2: :frown2:

An intimate man can lick your ear when you are not expecting it. A lady friend dare not!


On some long, deserted walking path, he can grab you from behind and touch and squeeze your jello jollies.

That is why you need a man.

Those ladies that don't? :| :frown2:  :crying:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> What the hell do you mean you aren't after sex?
> You had better be!
> 
> You can go to restaurants with your girlfriends.
> ...


Mars, I don't get the impression that she doesn't want sex! I thinks she's not solely looking for sex or a quick hookup--she's looking for an intimate relationship, which INCLUDES sex 

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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> Mars, I don't get the impression that she doesn't want sex! I thinks she's not solely looking for sex or a quick hookup--she's looking for an intimate relationship, which INCLUDES sex


Yes, this right here, 100%!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> Mars, I don't get the impression that she doesn't want sex! I thinks she's not solely looking for sex or a quick hookup--she's looking for an intimate relationship, which INCLUDES sex
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I know that! :surprise:

I certainly do.

I am just exercising my typing hands and my mind. :|

As, is usual the case.

I rest my case.

You can wrestle with my Laurels, if any are due. :grin2:


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Women are just so hard to fathom.....

Actually, they may not be.

What we see is what we want to ignore.

A man's hope is ever present, never vigilant.

If vigilant, he would go hungry, go celibate, go insane.

He gets that either-or-way.

Huh, what?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I vote calling BS on the guys social anxiety, it just doesn't add up. Working in a hospital setting, working with police and EMTs, being on dating sites, all things that have potentially high stress, not a life for someone suffering from an anxiety disorder. I think the guy is just a loser, he makes excuses before your first date about maybe not having time to date, and he plays the anxiety card so he doesn't have to do date things, only what he "comfortable" with. Those warnings are red flags hanging from a stick he pokes you in the eye with! Heck I would bet the other woman doesn't even exist, or if she does he's more of a pathetic stalker to her than any kind of dating interest. 

I don't think the guy has any idea why he does what he does, I think he's just a whack job. I know it's frustrating but think of it as a funny story to share with your friends. lol


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

@Cooper, that's pretty much what I thought too: that someone who works in the environment he does, and such high anxiety is a little off. I'm pretty sure he was lying to me there too, which is fine. I've come to the conclusion that he's a very confused, messed up individual who really doesn't deserve anymore of my time or energy. If his story of that other gal with the boyfriend is true, they truly deserve each other. I have a great deal of sympathy for the boyfriend though; he has no idea what's about to hit the fan. As for EH dude, I reported him to EH, and am hoping he'll be removed and banned. He really shouldn't be on a dating site when he's already in a love triangle. And yes, it'll be a good party story for the future!


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

All I can say is there are a few good men out there. I have dated off and on for 20 years after my ill fated divorce. I am 55 and am now engaged to a quality man. Did I have sex pretty quick, you bet. Sex is important and I didn’t want to waste my time if that part sucked.... no pun intended.

Keep looking and I hope you find a good one too.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Ursula said:


> I had one more "bookmarked" on my EH list; he's blocked now.


That you actually paid any attention to that post is mind boggling.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ursula said:


> What is wrong with people? And when the hell am I going to catch a break? Glad I dodged that bullet though.


 I asked myself the same questions when I was dating 10-15 years ago.

One of the first things I discovered was that the 'crazy' doesn't usually show itself until the 3rd or 4th month (generally, but not always). The first couple of months, they're generally on their best behavior and saving the crazy for later. But it eventually rears it's ugly head.

Secondly, I found out there are a lot of hot messes out there. I managed to date the following types from the leper colony of available local men in my age bracket:



one who hid his alcoholism from me for a couple good months until I eventually discovered it
an emotionally stunted fool who would propose to me on Tuesday and by Wednesday, act as though I were something he'd stepped in out in his yard (Borderline Personality? Who knows, but he wasn't my science experiment to take on)
a married ass-hole pretending to be divorcing (yes, I found his wife and told her EVERYTHING once I made the discovery)
a really good looking guy who turned out to be painfully insecure and would '**** test' me all the time (and have tantrums when I didn't pass his lame **** tests)
a very nice man I simply couldn't 'drink pretty' no matter _how_ hard I tried (if the chemistry ain't there even after 3 margaritas, it ain't there)
a very sweet guy who claimed to be 5'4" but was really no taller than me (I'm 5' even!) and sadly, his 'little' stature affected everything
A lunatic who against my better judgment, I finally gave in and agreed to meet him (he'd bugged me for months). He showed up with roses, candy, a new haircut, a picture on his phone that he'd taken of his computer monitor at home to show me I was the desktop wallpaper on it, and he proceeded to beg me all night to attend his ex-wife's family barbecue the next day (he was going because of his kids) because he'd loved to walk into with with me on his arm. This guy was freakin' frightening and just stared a hole in me all night long. I cut the night early and was trying to run in my heels to my car so I wouldn't be stuck with him by my car door saying goodnight, and it was _*pouring*_ out. I tripped and landed ass first into a puddle up to my waist. UGH.
There were more, but the more I type, the more depressed I become thinking of these rodeo clowns. 

There's bound to be ONE good one out there. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

breeze said:


> That you actually paid any attention to that post is mind boggling.


Why do you say that?
@She'sStillGotIt, holy macaroni, you went through the ringer. Did you end up finding a significant other in the end, or did you just give up after all the hubbub?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I asked myself the same questions when I was dating 10-15 years ago.
> 
> One of the first things I discovered was that the 'crazy' doesn't usually show itself until the 3rd or 4th month (generally, but not always). The first couple of months, they're generally on their best behavior and saving the crazy for later. But it eventually rears it's ugly head.
> 
> ...




Wow. No wonder you write, how you write 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ursula said:


> @*She'sStillGotIt*, holy macaroni, you went through the ringer. Did you end up finding a significant other in the end, or did you just give up after all the hubbub?


 LOL...yes, a lovely widower reached out to me and it turns out we lived only 2.5 miles from each other. Go figure.

We've been married almost 5 years now, and there's been no sign of 'crazy,' so I think I found a good one! :grin2:


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Ursula said:


> Why do you say that?


If you studied psychology, you would know why many people would've looked at that person's post and immediately rejected it, and not because it was aimed at that profession, but because it was aimed at a group of people. :smile2:


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

Ursula said:


> In the last thread, I asked about second date ideas for someone who has social anxiety (which in this case, was him). He's 41, a psychologist.


Physician, heal thyself!!!!:grin2:


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> Psychology degree people are nothing but messed up people. Avoid them like the plague.


I agree wholeheartedly. I work with quite a few people who got their bachelor degrees in psychology and they all a tad off, not to mention a bachelor in psych is basically worthless in the job market unless you go on to grad school.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

Cooper said:


> I vote calling BS on the guys social anxiety, it just doesn't add up. Working in a hospital setting, working with police and EMTs, being on dating sites, all things that have potentially high stress, not a life for someone suffering from an anxiety disorder.


Not necessarily, if it's social anxiety it may not be as difficult to function in his work environment. Social skills are more important in social settings, he may feel very competent in his professional skills so he is not as prone to anxiety in that environment. Also, working in a fast paced, high stress environment gives him something to focus on other than his anxiety, he's got a job to do. He may curl into a fetal position and rock himself to sleep when he gets home but for many people who work in these types of jobs, the ability to compartmentalize and prioritize are key.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I think he was as honest as he could be. He wanted someone to relieve the sexual tension, while he attempted wooing this other woman he is addicted to. Glad you got out quickly.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Violet28 said:


> I agree wholeheartedly. I work with quite a few people who got their bachelor degrees in psychology and they all a tad off, not to mention a bachelor in psych is basically worthless in the job market unless you go on to grad school.


Grad school worked for me .

There was a distinct difference between people in different grad school psychology tracks. The clinical / behavioral students had a bit of a superiority attitude with their hands on experience (there's a bunch of hours needed to work at the student health center or similar)... Plus their program is generally more selective, in a good program it's not unusual to see 3.95 GPA and awesome GRE students get turned down. High stakes stuff. 

My track (cognitive and experimental) is seen as the "WTF I can't believe you get college credit for this" track. A lot more analytical, experimental, research, and focus on practical stuff. Nerd paradise.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

One of my internships was with a bunch of Adler graduate students, I've never met a stranger bunch. My focus is more trauma and attachment related, CBT, DBT, IFS, getting very interested in logotherapy recently. I do think it's a mistake to get too tied to one modality.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

breeze said:


> If you studied psychology, you would know why many people would've looked at that person's post and immediately rejected it, and not because it was aimed at that profession, but because it was aimed at a group of people. :smile2:


You're meaning @Rob_1's post saying that psychology folks are messed, and to avoid them like the plague? I haven't studied psychology; I'm a graphic designer, but happen to agree with Rob's sentiments. My first thoughts on Psych dude were: if relationship issues arise, he'll have some knowledge on how to work through them, and will want to work through them. I didn't take into consideration that he'll also be in-the-know on how to manipulate people. Now that I've changed my way of thinking, I will avoid people in the mental health field. I've been manipulated enough, and don't need more of that!

And, I'm not sure if I understood you post correctly. I'm on cold meds, and am feeling really loopy and displaced today.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Ursula said:


> You're meaning @Rob_1's post saying that psychology folks are messed, and to avoid them like the plague? I haven't studied psychology; I'm a graphic designer, but happen to agree with Rob's sentiments. My first thoughts on Psych dude were: if relationship issues arise, he'll have some knowledge on how to work through them, and will want to work through them. I didn't take into consideration that he'll also be in-the-know on how to manipulate people. Now that I've changed my way of thinking, I will avoid people in the mental health field. I've been manipulated enough, and don't need more of that!
> 
> And, I'm not sure if I understood you post correctly. I'm on cold meds, and am feeling really loopy and displaced today.


Well, personally I think that when you cast aspersions on a large group of people based on knowing one or two people within that group (or even more, but it's still a very small percentage) who you don't like, it's basically discrimination. Usually people discriminate against others because of sex or race etc, but doing it to people of an entire profession seems just as bad to me. I've met a few people who are IT professionals who were jerks, however I don't go around saying or assuming that all IT people are therefore jerks.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Ursula,
> 
> My father was a psychiatrist, I grew up around many psychologist and i can tell you that most of them go into that field to fix themselves first...and often can't. The line "Physician heal thyself" has merit in more ways than one....he sounds like sound who wants what he can't have....and i suspect this is not the first time for him. *I am willing to bet that if you ended up getting another boyfriend he would be calling you. Ghost him.*


*Ghost Him, @Ursula ~ After all, he's done his absolute damndest to "ghost you!"*


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

breeze said:


> Well, personally I think that when you cast aspersions on a large group of people based on knowing one or two people within that group (or even more, but it's still a very small percentage) who you don't like, it's basically discrimination. Usually people discriminate against others because of sex or race etc, but doing it to people of an entire profession seems just as bad to me. I've met a few people who are IT professionals who were jerks, however I don't go around saying or assuming that all IT people are therefore jerks.


Yeah, that makes sense, and like you, I've met oddballs from varying professions. In general life interactions, it doesn't really bother me, but when looking for a partner to share my life with, it's a scary thought to get involved with someone who has professional-level knowledge on how to manipulate, and do it in a way that could be very sneaky. I'm just not interested in going through that, or even the possibility of going through that. But, I do get what you're saying. I'm a flautist, and people in my orchestral section are notoriously known for being snobs. And, many of us are! I've played for 29 years, so I've seen a LOT of flute sections, and have met few very friendly fellow flautists. I met my best girlfriend through band, and we became fast friends because we're both open and friendly. The other 5 people in our section…. it took years to break through their barrier. I don't know why this is, but I think it's kind of silly. It's not like we're any better than the tubas, and to be honest, sometimes a driving base line would be so much nicer than the trills and frills that we play!


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