# The worst has happened



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I've told my story before I know. I left my cheating, emotionally abusive husband. I got a condo so my 14 yo dd could be with me half time. My ex has already poisoned her 21 year old brother against me. This week my dd told me I had a big surprise coming. She had liked the condo at first and seemed to be ok on her last visits. This time she came with an attitude. Swearing, critisizing me, putting her feet on my car dashboard, refusing to talk. I got upset and asked her to please tell me what the big surprise was. She said she is staying with her dad full time now because he says I am depressed and when I took her to her grandparents this summer I had kidnapped her and broke the law. I left him under orders from my doctor due to his abuse. 
My daughter packed her bags and walked home without telling me. My MD called me the next day to say that my h had hustled her into his office and she said that I had told her I was going to kill myself, and had a date planned! My MD said he knows me for years and knows it's another lie. At most I may have said to dd that I couldn't take anymore. 
So now my cheating, lying ex has both kids against me. 
Oh yes, the next morning he texted me asking me to bring by some artwork that dd had left at my place if I would. Isn't that a funny text to send to a supposedly suicidal woman who has a date to kill herself planned? He also sent me a love note later that day, no reference to any suicide in it either.
So he has totally taken my 'life', he warned me he would if I crossed him and he has.
where to go from here?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is a hard one. When a parents works this hard to alienate the other parent it's very hard to undo.

One of the most important things you need to do is to let them know that you are aware of the game they played. I would send a letter via email to your daughter and your husband calling them out on going to a doctor and telling them a lie.

Have you explained to your daughter that you did not kidnap her. Did you tell her that as her mother you can take her wherever you want? Ask her to produce the court order denying you that right.

If you can afford it, get a lawyer and see if you can get a court order for family counseling with at least you and her. The court might also compel her to spend time with you. Yea she might be angry about it, but maybe she needs someone to help her against her father.


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

I think this is referred to as "parental alienation". I don't know your back story but can you contact a lawyer? How old are your kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You need a lawyer, and you need to document this stuff. Easier said than done, I Know But it has to be done.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> You need a lawyer, and you need to document this stuff. Easier said than done, I Know But it has to be done.


:iagree: You really need to document. See if your MD would have it in writing what your Ex did to her too...it would help in court.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I did see a lawyer, a custody assessment can be done, it would take 6 months. But at 14 I wonder if she would even stay with me if the court ordered it? If she doesn't want to be with me I would have to have the police bring her back to me every day? It would cost 15 k to have this done. It's not the money, I would pay it if she was younger, but a high schooler? I'm just not sure and will ask my MD and my therapist about whether I should do this. She is in IC and I have informed her IC about what has happened. Kids are 14 adn 21.
I told my dd that I did not kidnap her, and did not break the law! 
And to think I tried to save this marriage to a cheater and liar FOR the kids. I feel sick at heart. I really can't see every enjoying my life again with my kids hating me. And I can't see them being happy ever either. I emailed my ex and told him that he is hurting the kids by not speaking well of me and encouraging contact with me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AT age 14 the court is likely to order your daughter to spend time at your house. We have a judge here who would have a child that young picked up and put in juvi for a night to impress on her that the law applies to her just like it applies to everyone else. Whether or not this is a good idea is determined case by case. I've seen some kids destroyed by parental alienation. It's a lot worse than one or two nights in juvi to realize that dad is not the ultimate authority in life.

As one of our judges here says... "Gorillas sleep wherever they chose. Children sleep where the court tells them to sleep."


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

more.. 

Even if they will not force her to go between your two homes, the court can force the family counseling with you and your daughter. Maybe even your husband as well.

I would at least for this.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I will look into that, I wonder if they will force her, but I would like to go to counseling with her. Dad and her brother have her convinced I am a walk away mother, despite her knowing how controlling and mean her father was. She wanted us to leave. None of her friends would come near our house and our neighbours all avoided him. I really wish I could have gotten him out, but our son would have to have left as well as his dad has bought him off.


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Counselling is a good idea. At 14 she should be aware of the manipulation her father is doing. She is also very easily influenced which is what it sounds like he is doing. 

In my sitch, for the longest time, my ex was the bad guy, he left, and rightfully so. But now it seems I am the bad guy because she gets away with bloody murder when she is with him and I enforce the rules. Kids are so traumatized by divorced, I don't give a sh*t what shrinks say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Agree, but they are traumatized by living in a home where they can see and feel that the parents don't love or respect each other too. 
It's a no win situation.


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