# Looking Forward To... Nothing?



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I am having a rough day. Triggers left and right. No waterworks yet, but it's imminent, I'm sure.

Told hubby how I was feeling. He came home for lunch, (sweet!) And gave me big hugs. I smiled and acted like he made it all better, but in my heart I am so depressed and lonely. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to. 

I don't have a car, no friends (apparently), no one to talk to or spend time with. Not even an evil TV to distract me. As crappy as it sounds, I feel like I'm in prison. All I do all day long is feed, change and soothe baby. I think I'm starting to get resentful and I know it's not her fault.

I'm a person who needs a lot of space... And I have too much of it from other adults at the moment. I feel smothered and claustrophobic by baby.  Isn't that an awful thing to say. 

For the last few months I've been housebound. No hiking, no exercise, no work, no friends. I barely get to practice my yoga. I feel so isolated and alienated. I feel ashamed to admit I don't even have the motivation to clean, work on my art or otherwise be productive in any manner.

So, I just sit upstairs in our bedroom listening to David Bowie and waiting for the baby to need something. Is this even normal? I just feel anxious and depressed today.  I feel like I don't have much to look forward to. When hubby gets home from work he is usually tired and stressed and just wants to rest. I barely get a break just to take a shower then, but I don't want to bother him too much. :/ He doesn't talk to me. He feels bugged when I talk to him. Our interactions are very superficial. I miss having any kind of in-depth or interesting conversations.

I might have gone insane by now if I didn't have the internet on my phone. LoL! 

/Pity Party
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've read your other posts and I've been where you are. It's hard I know. Being a mom is hard enough but throw in past issues and it quickly gets worse.

I can tell you one thing you have to look foward to. Your baby getting old enough to have interesting conversations with. 

If it makes you feel better I'm lonely today too. I'm okay though as I know it will pass. My husband has been working a lot and I don't have friends around either. Sucks doesn't it?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> I am having a rough day. Triggers left and right. No waterworks yet, but it's imminent, I'm sure.
> 
> Told hubby how I was feeling. He came home for lunch, (sweet!) And gave me big hugs. I smiled and acted like he made it all better, but in my heart I am so depressed and lonely. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to.
> 
> ...


Believe me.. I understand that feeling all to well... aside from the not wanting to clean thing lol. The problem I have with that is my body seems to be failing me.. always in pain, can barely walk, ect. Anyway... i know what you mean by needing a break. This is why i told my hubby that I would like to put the kids in daycare and when they are i plan on working on getting into shape again, studying, ect to get ready to go into the airforce. Perhaps you should see if you two can get a daycare arrangement going? I'm not sure how many kids you have right now but soon I'll have three lol and i just can't keep up anymore. Hence why we are searching around for daycares. Hubby thinks I'm going to need some sort of guide dog to help me walk around soon.. told him i doubt it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Totally normal. Most new moms go through this.

This is why my girls and I talk on the computer before husbands get home. Holy crap...it's needed!

Maybe tell your husband what you need from him as well. Sure, his day is tiring, but yours is too. New babies are work and they are draining, especially when you're alone and without a car. I was always taking the baby somewhere, just to get out!

Is there anywhere you can walk to?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

You know... if either of you two lived near me.. I would suggest we meet up on certain days.. at a park or something... lol.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Also, here's a board that is good for mommies. I met some of my best friends there...oh, I'll PM you the name.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I am having a rough day. Triggers left and right. No waterworks yet, but it's imminent, I'm sure.
> 
> Told hubby how I was feeling. He came home for lunch, (sweet!) And gave me big hugs. I smiled and acted like he made it all better, but in my heart I am so depressed and lonely. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to.
> 
> ...


Awww, I'm sorry  It really sucks sitting at home alone day in and day out. I love my kids, but sometimes when they're my only source of communication for the day, it gets to me, and by the time my guy gets home from work, I'm basically salivating on myself for some adult time and communication from someone other than my kids lol. But, he's not Mr. Communication himself, he likes to relax when gets home and I don't like bugging him. But it would be really cool if he'd come home and just give me a big hug and kiss and talk to him about our days (mine is so mundane compared to his). But alas, it doesn't work out like that, and I went and got myself a job, for a few reasons (extra cash, some time away from home, and to be honest, other adults who will chat with me)

If it's nice outside, could you put the baby in the stroller and take a nice walk? Do you think you're going through PPD? If you are, you should talk to your doctor about it, that lack of energy and sluggishness is a red flag for it.

Again, I'm sorry you're feeling so down, and I hope you feel better soon ((hugs))


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I chat via email or fb with a gal I met here last summer. She's lonely too.

I used to be on mommy boards which were great but now that my kids are older I don't quite fit in. Most of those were women with babies or toddlers. They discussed feedings, schedules and diaper changes. I'm so past all that. LOL


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I belonged to a mommy board from pregnancy to age 2. PERFECT! You can vent and people know what you're talking about. You can get ideas, meet friends (met many of my good friends on that site) and just know you are normal and not alone


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, and do you have a Boppy pillow? If not, try to get one. I used it for my daughters when I would get in the bath...they'd lay on the floor in the bathroom on a blanket and their boppy and I'd bathe. Your life doesn't have to stop just because you have a baby. The baby won't melt if you aren't holding her  I would put my little ones down and if they cried, I'd talk to them and I was RIGHT THERE...so I'd make stupid faces at them while I washed up. Took about 10 minutes and I felt a crap load better every morning with a bath.









Boppy.

When my youngest was too big for the boppy (rolling and sitting up), I moved her freakin high-chair into the bathroom and gave her a wet washcloth to suck on. Oh yea. I have ways.  Take care of YOU so you can take care of her


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

lol I don't have anyone to talk to either around here... being stuck in an apartment all day. Then again being on this forum has helped a bit for me anyway. I enjoy reading posts and chatting with people here... of course .. i refrain from messaging others unless they message me... probably because I'll end up talking to much and I would hate to be an annoyance to someone else... lol.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I need a mommy board for women with school aged kids.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

lol well.. mine are about to be put into school... well my daughter is anyway... does that count? lol


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> I don't have a car, no friends (apparently), no one to talk to or spend time with.
> 
> All I do all day long is feed, change and soothe baby. I think I'm starting to get resentful and I know it's not her fault.
> 
> ...


Princess,

Isolation is a major cause of depression in new mothers. You really don't want to be either of these, isolated or depressed. Find a local mother's group. Visit a park or museum or a rec center. Call your local church. Your husband can't be your everything. You need adult interaction from friends and associates. Look through your phone book. Find a group to reach out to.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I need a mommy board for women with school aged kids.


I'll PM you.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Gaia said:


> lol I don't have anyone to talk to either around here... being stuck in an apartment all day. Then again being on this forum has helped a bit for me anyway. I enjoy reading posts and chatting with people here... of course .. i refrain from messaging others unless they message me... probably because I'll end up talking to much and I would hate to be an annoyance to someone else... lol.


Lol, that's how I am too. I tend to run my mouth a lot. I'm really bad when I'm on the phone, I can talk for hours if left in charge of the conversations.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Gaia said:


> lol well.. mine are about to be put into school... well my daughter is anyway... does that count? lol


You can totally bug me LOL! I don't mind. Got Facebook? We can chat in the evenings if you like.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Gaia said:


> lol I don't have anyone to talk to either around here... being stuck in an apartment all day. Then again being on this forum has helped a bit for me anyway. I enjoy reading posts and chatting with people here... of course .. i refrain from messaging others unless they message me... probably because I'll end up talking to much and I would hate to be an annoyance to someone else... lol.


I'm the same way. I don't want to bother anyone. The woman I met here PM's me and we just hit it off.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Oh, and do you have a Boppy pillow? If not, try to get one. I used it for my daughters when I would get in the bath...they'd lay on the floor in the bathroom on a blanket and their boppy and I'd bathe. Your life doesn't have to stop just because you have a baby. The baby won't melt if you aren't holding her  I would put my little ones down and if they cried, I'd talk to them and I was RIGHT THERE...so I'd make stupid faces at them while I washed up. Took about 10 minutes and I felt a crap load better every morning with a bath.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Edit because i idiotically posted inside the quote... lol:

I have one like that... except it is blue with stars and moons. Used it for both kids.. was planning to use it for the third but hubby wants to buy me a new one. Is it weird that I want to use the same one for this third one as well? lol because he thinks it is.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> You can totally bug me LOL! I don't mind. Got Facebook? We can chat in the evenings if you like.


Yep.. i haven't been on it in awhile... but i do have it lol.


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## Jeanie (Nov 14, 2011)

Hi YP....I don't respond often to posts, but yours sounded so familiar, I had to reply. When I had both my children, I definitely went through periods of what you're feeling now. 

It will get better, but have you thought about Post Partum (sp?) depression. I'm just wondering if it might be worth talking to your Dr about this, in case there is something they can do to help (usually there is). 

But definitely join some mommy forums, and try to connect with other mommies in your area. It's always such a big help to know you're not the only one feeling the things you're feeling. I hope this helps. Hugs.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Mavash - I really can't wait until baby can talk... She's smiling more and more, and had her first giggle in the hospital not too long ago. (She was 7 weeks and still at birth weight, so she was hospitalized for observation - turned out to be colic/reflux/gerd and the fact that I wasn't producing enough breastmilk for her, so she's pretty much 90% on formula now).  That was pretty depressing in and of itself. :/ The nurse told me it's a good thing she's my first child, because I really have no frame of reference for how difficult a colicky baby is! LoL! 

Gaia - I'd probably be more motivated to clean if I could go downstairs to the rest of the house. I actually like cleaning usually, believe it or not!! I, like you, also have numerous pain issues. Too many car accidents, fibro and some neurological issues and no healthcare, basically. We live in a two story house and the only way downstairs is through a very narrow and steep staircase. I just don't trust myself enough to carry baby and navigate the staircase at once. Heaven forbid I drop her!  I wish we could afford daycare, but as it stands, my poor husband works all week every week just to pay the rent. I think I really need to find a way to work. Even if it's just part-time. I need to be able to get out and get away sometimes!

TG - thanks for the PM - definitely going to check it out! I'd love to go for walks, but where I live (semi-rurally) there are dirt roads, feral dogs and people driving 23,569 mph. Much too dangerous.  I'd be happy than a pig in pie just to be able to break out the stroller, (we've only used it twice, btw lol).

Thank you ladies for understanding. I don't feel so alone anymore. Just keep searching for a way to change things so I don't fall into these funks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Jeanie is right. When I had little ones I sought other moms so I wouldn't be alone. Now I seek friends for my kids to play with while I get adult conversation with the parents.

Summer is harder because everyone seems so busy and I'm well not. LOL


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I used to make myself crazy over not being able to clean. And now I think why? Your kids are only babies once and yet your house will always be there and will always be dirty. I'll clean later when my kids are grown. 

For now I just pick up and hit the high notes. Helps that my 3 kids are now old enough to help. I make it fun and it goes by faster.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> Mavash - I really can't wait until baby can talk... She's smiling more and more, and had her first giggle in the hospital not too long ago. (She was 7 weeks and still at birth weight, so she was hospitalized for observation - turned out to be colic/reflux/gerd and the fact that I wasn't producing enough breastmilk for her, so she's pretty much 90% on formula now).  That was pretty depressing in and of itself. :/ The nurse told me it's a good thing she's my first child, because I really have no frame of reference for how difficult a colicky baby is! LoL!
> 
> Gaia - I'd probably be more motivated to clean if I could go downstairs to the rest of the house. I actually like cleaning usually, believe it or not!! I, like you, also have numerous pain issues. Too many car accidents, fibro and some neurological issues and no healthcare, basically. We live in a two story house and the only way downstairs is through a very narrow and steep staircase. I just don't trust myself enough to carry baby and navigate the staircase at once. Heaven forbid I drop her!  I wish we could afford daycare, but as it stands, my poor husband works all week every week just to pay the rent. I think I really need to find a way to work. Even if it's just part-time. I need to be able to get out and get away sometimes!
> 
> ...



lol we can't afford it either.. which is why we applied for foodstamps, childcare, and medicaid .... as it is my hubby has been playing phone tag with the caseworker. If we have to REAPPLY again... i swear im gonna blow a fricken gasget. Hubby has called everyday at 8 am, 9 am, 12pm, 1pm, and 3pm... and the woman still doesn't fricken answer... then she calls back when he's at work or can't answer the phone. It's frusterating lol but we really need it right now. And yeah thats a main reason i am so eager to have my kids in daycare.. so i can work on fixing up my body. I think it just may have to do with having these kids so close together as well as a bit of weight gain but hubby thinks it will be worse when i lose weight.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I used to make myself crazy over not being able to clean. And now I think why? Your kids are only babies once and yet your house will always be there and will always be dirty. I'll clean later when my kids are grown.
> 
> For now I just pick up and hit the high notes. Helps that my 3 kids are now old enough to help. I make it fun and it goes by faster.


Oh man... you don't know HOW much i love it when my kids start picking up stuff just because mommy is. I love when they help out and i encourage them by telling them good job and giving em a high five. Heck my daughter now does it on her own from time to time. She will start picking up stuff to throw away or put away or get the broom and start sweeping... and she's not even four yet lol.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

In addition to having helpers in another year I'm going to have a built in babysitter. My oldest will be 13. 

Yes I will be respectful, yes I will probably pay him and no I won't expect him to do it all the time. My kids are pretty self sufficient already and get along so the job will be easy. I'm looking forward to having date nights again. Can't afford a real sitter so I have to wait. LOL 

My sister and/or her teenage daughter will watch them for free but I refuse to impose unless I really need it or it's a special occasion like our anniversary.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Clearly a mother will have the best advice for you.

But I just want to say I was your husband when my wife had baby number 1. She tried to tell me what she was feeling but I just didnt get it. She recently told me she still resents me to this day about it...even though I turned things around for baby #2.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes men deal with fatherhood badly. It doesn't mean we're bad people, we just sort of are slow out of the blocks, meanwhile as the mother you guys are hit the ground running. It's a completely unfair dynamic...


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