# Is what I am feeling normal?



## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

My husband of 18 years all of a sudden started accusing me of cheating two years ago. He has accused me of sleeping with over 200 different men. He always says he has the proof but will never show it to me. But he is positive each time. I swear he search Facebook for men in our town and accuses me of sleeping with them. I have never cheated, or even thought about it. He has a porn addiction but accuses me of watching open all the time. He has messaged a woman online and told her that her husband was cheating with me. Luckily she did not believe him. He stole my phone and my hard drive from my laptop and hacked into them and downloaded all of my personal data. And refuses to give them back. He has told everyone he comes across that I have cheated. He constantly calls me horrible names. I was raped when I was a teenager and he uses that against me. The day after my dad died he told me to go suck my dead dad's ****. He even goes in the middle of the night and takes pictures of the homes and license plates of people he thinks I cheated with. Anytime I am upset about something he has done, he instantly starts accusing me again. He spends hours every single day trying to find proof that I cheated. He has started throwing things at me now. And telling me that he is leaving to go have sex with someone else. He leaves and won't answer my texts or calls. He hit me for the first time the other day and gave my a black eye along with multiple other bruises. My question is not about leaving him. That is obvious and is happening right now. I want to know if it is normal that before it got so bad, like when it first started I stopped being turned on by him. I stopped wanting sex. It became very uncomfortable and awkward for me. Is that normal for a woman that is being falsely accused by her husband?! Also, if I don't want sex he will call me so many names and he will do it for hours, telling me I'm worthless and so much more. Is bullying me into sex considered sexual abuse?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If this story is true, he is likely mentally ill and having some kind of paranoid delusions. 

He may be at risk of actually harming you, someone he thinks is cheating with you or himself.

If you can safely get him to your doctor, take him there and tell the doctor everything you said here.

If he becomes aggressive or violent, call the cops.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Like @oldshirt said , if it’s true:

I would be very concerned he will come for you when you leave. I don’t mean in a good way..... I mean in a dead way.


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## jjandy (Dec 2, 2020)

My heart hurt reading this...as you have been through some trauma. The one that is supposed to love and support, cherish and keep you safe doesn't seem capable of such. If this is all happening, you need to find a safe place to land. Do you have somewhere you can turn to go? Do you all have kids together? You also should find someone you can talk to about the trauma from the past. Have you done that before ever? What has been done to as a child needs to be emotionally and maybe even physically healed (as in the unwanted sex). Please please reach out for professional help. Praying for you my friend...I have a ton of resources that might be helpful (not sure if I'm allowed to share on this site...). Let me know..some are how to deal with emoational and physical abuse.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Tiffany M said:


> My question is not about leaving him. That is obvious and is happening right now.


Good. 

Yes all of that is considered abuse. It sounds like he might have some sort of psychosis.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Tiffany M said:


> My husband of 18 years all of a sudden started accusing me of cheating two years ago. He has accused me of sleeping with over 200 different men. He always says he has the proof but will never show it to me. But he is positive each time. I swear he search Facebook for men in our town and accuses me of sleeping with them. I have never cheated, or even thought about it. He has a porn addiction but accuses me of watching open all the time. He has messaged a woman online and told her that her husband was cheating with me. Luckily she did not believe him. He stole my phone and my hard drive from my laptop and hacked into them and downloaded all of my personal data. And refuses to give them back. He has told everyone he comes across that I have cheated. He constantly calls me horrible names. I was raped when I was a teenager and he uses that against me. The day after my dad died he told me to go suck my dead dad's ****. He even goes in the middle of the night and takes pictures of the homes and license plates of people he thinks I cheated with. Anytime I am upset about something he has done, he instantly starts accusing me again. He spends hours every single day trying to find proof that I cheated. He has started throwing things at me now. And telling me that he is leaving to go have sex with someone else. He leaves and won't answer my texts or calls. He hit me for the first time the other day and gave my a black eye along with multiple other bruises. My question is not about leaving him. That is obvious and is happening right now. I want to know if it is normal that before it got so bad, like when it first started I stopped being turned on by him. I stopped wanting sex. It became very uncomfortable and awkward for me. Is that normal for a woman that is being falsely accused by her husband?! Also, if I don't want sex he will call me so many names and he will do it for hours, telling me I'm worthless and so much more. Is bullying me into sex considered sexual abuse?


He's cheating on you and projecting his guilt/paranoia about it onto you. You are worth more than the abuse he tortures you with. Make a plan and leave asap.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

To answer your question,,

No I don't find it odd that you aren't sexually attracted to an extremely deranged person.

Your husband is severely mentally ill and should get checked.

He could have any number of physical illnesses that are bringing this on.

Tumors of various sorts have been known to alter the mental state severely and change personality and decision making abilities.

I would lay odds this is an illness of some sort.

You might be able to get a forced evaluation if he is believed to be a possible danger to himself or others.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

I'd recommend you leave to a safe place ASAP (family, friends etc) . Consult a counselor and see if he can be evaluated. At the very least you should distance yourself from him physically.


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## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

jjandy said:


> My heart hurt reading this...as you have been through some trauma. The one that is supposed to love and support, cherish and keep you safe doesn't seem capable of such. If this is all happening, you need to find a safe place to land. Do you have somewhere you can turn to go? Do you all have kids together? You also should find someone you can talk to about the trauma from the past. Have you done that before ever? What has been done to as a child needs to be emotionally and maybe even physically healed (as in the unwanted sex). Please please reach out for professional help. Praying for you my friend...I have a ton of resources that might be helpful (not sure if I'm allowed to share on this site...). Let me know..some are how to deal with emoational and physical abuse.


I have a son that is now 20. My husband raised him as his own since he was 2. We also have 2 children together, son-17 and daughter-15. He has told our 17 year old son that I am a $100 prostitute that sleeps with old men in hotel rooms. Him and our daughter used to be inseparable, but right now she cannot stand him for what he is doing to me.


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## jjandy (Dec 2, 2020)

Tiffany M said:


> I have a son that is now 20. My husband raised him as his own since he was 2. We also have 2 children together, son-17 and daughter-15. He has told our 17 year old son that I am a $100 prostitute that sleeps with old men in hotel rooms. Him and our daughter used to be inseparable, but right now she cannot stand him for what he is doing to me.


You need to protect your children from him as it sounds like he is quite possibly emotionally abusive! Does he mistreat his children?? Your daughter is seeing the abuse and your sons are witnessing it as well...if you don't think of yourself...think of them! Do you have a safe place to land? Has he hit you or the kids in the past?? Finding Healing from Abuse | Listly List


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

You post sounds as if your husband is suffering from paranoid delusions. 

It can actually be fairly common for those with a tendency towards depression. If he has been under a lot of stress and is struggling to cope (porn addictions can be an attempt to self sooth or escape from stress) he could be finding himself spiraling out of control with stress and having hallucinations (voices/thoughts/memories in his head that seem real but are produced by stress). 

If he has not been sleeping, eating, and eating well then you have a serious problem on your hands. He likely needs help. The first step is to talk to your primary care provider for advice and/or a referral. 

Talk to your primary healthcare provider about this and do so today!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Tiffany M said:


> I have a son that is now 20. My husband raised him as his own since he was 2. We also have 2 children together, son-17 and daughter-15. He has told our 17 year old son that I am a $100 prostitute that sleeps with old men in hotel rooms. Him and our daughter used to be inseparable, but right now she cannot stand him for what he is doing to me.


Ok this is just complaining and b1tching. Are you hearing what people are telling you??

If your story is true, he could very well be having some kind of mental illness that could potentially turn dangerous. 

This is a serious matter that needs more attention and intervention than telling a sob story and having people pay you on the head and say,”there-there” and tell you their sympathies. 

He could potentially be a danger to you, your children, the neighbor raking his yard that waves at you as you drive down the street or himself.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Why aren’t you gone? He’s a piece of ****


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Tiffany M How are things for you, now?


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