# One last try before I give up...



## Aurelie

For starters, we aren't married but I figured this is the best place to post since he's never going to marry me anyway... 

We have been together for 5 years. I'm 24 and he's 29. We have a 2.5 year old son together. Our relationship was perfect for the first 2 years. We never fought, literally never. We were very happy, we moved in together 18 months into the relationship. Then there was an unplanned pregnancy and everything went downhill. 

I became pregnant 2 years into the relationship. I was on birth control and used it properly but it failed. My BF wanted me to have an abortion, but that wasn't something that I was comfortable doing (especially because I didn't find out I was pregnant until 16 weeks). That's when he changed, and since then I have only seen glimpses of the man I fell in love with. 

He didn't want anything to do with my pregnancy. He didn't want to go to appointments, didn't want to feel the baby move, didn't want to talk about baby names, didn't read anything I wanted him to read, didn't want to do a 3D/4D ultrasound or maternity pictures. Towards the end of my pregnancy my back, hands and feet were extremely painful, rubbing them helped and he would never do that for me. Everyone said it would get better when the baby was here... 

I had a long labour, 5 days of non-stop contractions. I laboured at home most of the time and even though he was home the entire time, he wouldn't spend that time with me. I begged him to and all he wanted to do was play video games. When I was finally admitted to the hospital, he slept most of the time I was labouring there (because he didn't sleep at home when I told him too). During the pushing phase he just sat there, I don't think he talked to me or touched me at all though I was in too much pain to remember. 

We live in Canada and we were BOTH able to take an entire year off. He was supposed to take that time off to help me and bond with the baby. In reality, he took that time off to play video games. When I was pregnant he told his friends that he would be online more (once the baby came). 

He didn't help me at all. He never got up at night, he didn't let me sleep in, he didn't give me a break during the day. I had a really bad tear from the delivery and was in excruciating pain for 12 weeks. I could barely move but he wouldn't help me. I couldn't even pick my son up without crying and ended up just sitting in bed all day everyday so I wouldn't have to move as much (which led to co-sleeping). I breastfed (still am) so there wasn't as much that he could do, but he could have at least given me the baby so I didn't have to hurt as much, or done the diaper. We both took a year off work... there was no excuse. The first day home from the hospital he wouldn't even make dinner. 

Everyone said it would get better when the newborn phase was over, then when the baby phase was over, now when the toddler phase is over. It's always suppose to get better but it's not. At least not enough. 

Our intimacy went out the window after my son was born. We stopped kissing, stopped cuddling, sex was off the table for almost a year because of my pain, we stopped saying I love you. My son is 2.5 and we've never got that back. It's a little bit better than it was, in the sense that I don't totally loathe him. 

He doesn't spend enough time with us, and doesn't care or listen. I have to beg him to spend time with us, when he does he is glued to his phone or the TV. We can never have a real conversation. He doesn't get down on the floor and play with our son, he sits on the couch. He doesn't care about intimacy. We never go on dates and he doesn't want to. 

I recently gave it my all. I did everything right, tried to step up my game and intimacy. It worked for a couple weeks, then went back to our new normal. 

I can't live like this forever... He isn't who I fell in love with and decided to have a chid with. Had I known how much he would change... I may have made a different choice. I want to feel loved and respected. I want to be able to have intimacy with my partner. 

Do I give it one last try before moving on totally? How do I do it? Am I overreacting, does it really get better in time?


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## arbitrator

*Unless there is a miraculous 11th hour change on his part, which I seriously doubt, I think that his true colors have been truly revealed to you! He has shown that he neither loves nor respects you!

Time to move out and see an attorney in getting child support from him for that precious child of yours!*


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## Openminded

He doesn't want to be a parent and he resents you for not getting an abortion. 

He's repeatedly shown you who he is. Believe him. 

Time to move on.


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## Satya

A man's actions tell you all you need to know. 

He doesn't care about you. 
He doesn't care about your child. 
He doesn't care about being a husband or father.
He doesn't care about growing up.

He does care about himself. 
He does care about video games. 
He does care about his phone.

I'm sorry you had to deal with so many difficult and wonderful things alone.

You should just leave this man-child. It's obviously what he wants, anyway.


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## browser

Openminded said:


> He doesn't want to be a parent and he resents you for not getting an abortion.
> 
> He's repeatedly shown you who he is. Believe him.
> 
> Time to move on.


There's nothing more to be said than this.

You traded your boyfriend for your child.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

_*He doesn't spend enough time with us, and doesn't care or listen. I have to beg him to spend time with us, when he does he is glued to his phone or the TV. We can never have a real conversation. He doesn't get down on the floor and play with our son, he sits on the couch. He doesn't care about intimacy. We never go on dates and he doesn't want to. 
*_

I think you should give him exactly what he wants. Leave him, which is what you should have done when you were pregnant.


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## 3Xnocharm

You need to dump this selfish jerk and be glad you didn't marry him. Make sure he is ordered to pay support.


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## jorgegene

what you have described is a prototypical description of the 'man-boy'.

a 13 year old boy in an adult man's body. although on second thought, that's not giving enough credit to most 13 year old boys.

unless he grows up in a big way, he is destined to live a selfish, mostly useless life.


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## Aurelie

I feel like I need to give it one final last-ditch effort. Where I try my absolute hardest to salvage the relationship. It's a huge decision for me and I don't want to feel like I didn't do everything that I could... He won't go to relationship counselling. I try to do things that should/could make him happy and it doesn't help. A few days ago I cleaned the main floor of the house until it was spotless, he came home before I had started upstairs and all he did was complain how messy the bathroom was. If I try and rub his shoulders or back he just asks what I'm doing and pushes me away or tells me to go away. A couple days ago I decided to make a large dinner from scratch (basically equivalent to a Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner). I asked him not to use his phone, and he wouldn't put it down. Then after dinner he just complained how messy the kitchen was. Yeah, it was messy and I suck at cleaning as I cook, but I spent literally all day cooking that meal while trying to take care of our 2 year old. He didn't say thank you or acknowledge it at all. He just complained about the messy kitchen, which he didn't have to touch at all I cleaned it all (he was going to, but after that comment I just wanted him gone). 

Yesterday I went out and bought new lingerie, prepped my whole body to look good, went to try and initiate sex and he barely even looked at me. He glanced at me then went back to playing some game with his friend (online, his friend wasn't in the room). The rejection physically hurts. If it was once and a while, whatever. It's not though, it's all the time. When we do have sex it's only on his terms, and it lasts a minute or two. He said we needed to try different things in the bedroom so I initiated that and nope, didn't help. 

If I try and talk to him about things that I need him to apologize for he just gets defensive and tells me to get over it. My pregnancy, birth, first year is one of those things. It's a very sore spot for me and he has never acknowledged how crappy he was, just says to get over it. Usually I could, but that I can't. He ruined that time of my life and he ruined any chance of me wanting to do it again. 

I want to try and nothing I do works... I feel like there has to be something that I can do. I work from home full time, he works from home most of the time (15 hours out of the house). It's not like we don't have time to be with each other.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

Aurelie said:


> I feel like I need to give it one final last-ditch effort. Where I try my absolute hardest to salvage the relationship. It's a huge decision for me and I don't want to feel like I didn't do everything that I could... He won't go to relationship counselling. I try to do things that should/could make him happy and it doesn't help.


The problem isn't you. You're doing everything you can to make it a happy relationship, but he doesn't give a s**t. He's there for HIS convenience. Through his actions, he's telling you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. So try one last time, if you must, however I think you should be thankful that you're not married, IMO. You deserve better and the sooner you get out of this sorry excuse for a relationship, the sooner you can find someone that can meet your needs.


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## jb02157

It's pretty clear this guy didn't want the baby and is probably upset that you got pregnant and his playtime is over. He didn't want the baby, just the sex. I would dump him. He has shown you so much disrespect and it's so unfair to you and your son.


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## Yeswecan

browser said:


> There's nothing more to be said than this.
> 
> You traded your boyfriend for your child.


The OP got the better end of the deal with picking the child.


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## Herschel

gtfo


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## Yeswecan

Aurelie said:


> I feel like I need to give it one final last-ditch effort.


What you posted thus far it appears to me you have giving it your all. Now time to find an attorney to setup child support and a place to live. Even though your BF does not care about you or the child it does not keep him from the responsibility financially.


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## thenub

Dump the loser gamer and find a man that doesn't live life through video games. 
The father of your child is a child mentally, nothing more. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## GuyInColorado

Uh, dump him. Find a man that will love your child as his own and want to have more kids with you. There are plenty of good men out there that will do this. Your boyfriend is a LOSER.


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## ChipperE

I would ask you this: Is this the type of man you want your son to grow into? If so, stay with him and your son will be the same way. Your son should see that relationships are two people working together, part of the same team. As your son gets older his father's rejection will become obvious to him, which will cause a host of self-esteem issues when he refuses to take part in his life. Get out now while he is young enough to not realize what is going on. Trust me on this- the low self-esteem that comes from a parent not wanting you lasts a lifetime.


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## Satya

Honey, he doesn't love you and he won't change. You're wasting your time and energy on a dud. You could redirect that energy toward doing something good for someone who loves you, like your son. 

It's really sad to know your boyfriend just doesn't care, but this is just the way he is. 

Do you have family or friends - someone trusted you can reach out to?


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## Aurelie

You're right, it's not the kind of man I want my son to grow into. I think about that a lot... As long as we are together, he won't be around his dad often. If we break up, his dad could have 50/50 custody. I hate the thought of him having my son half the time. Previously when it came up, he said he would fight for custody. We weren't fighting or anything, it just came up in conversation somehow. I feel like my son is better off with us together so that I'm the main parent. I also don't want my son to see that relationship growing up and again, turn out like that... If his dad went into a new relationship he'd still see it - unless he's just this way to me. 

I don't have family to turn to. My mom was killed, my dad's in jail (put two and two together), my mom's parents are in care homes, I don't have any contact with my dads side now, my mom was adopted and had no siblings, I have no siblings. In terms of family, I'm alone. Due to moving often, my close friend count is 0. If I leave I'm totally on my own.

This city is too expensive to live in alone, so we'd both have to move. He would most likely go to his parents for now, which is 1.5 hours north. I'd have to move 1.5 hours south for the cheapest city that is still close to my university and work. So we're looking at a long commute for exchanges. My son's daycare is here and it sounds stupid but he absolutely loves it and thrives there. It took a long time to find one that was this great. 

We are renting, and we have to give our landlord 60 days notice before we leave. So what, we live together hating each other for 2 months? We share a car right now, because we could only get one parking space. It's his car so I'd have to buy a new one. All of our belongings, we have to decide who gets what. 

The logistics of breaking up are what hold me back... not breaking up with him specifically. I feel like I'm just stuck for the next 16 years.


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## jb02157

Aurelie said:


> The logistics of breaking up are what hold me back... not breaking up with him specifically. I feel like I'm just stuck for the next 16 years.


This sounds so familiar. When I got married my wife spent everything so before I knew it we had absolutely nothing and she was pregnant. If we got divorced she could conveniently move back with her parents but I had nowhere to go and would be left with nothing. I was told since I had no money I would not be able to see our son unless I could afford a proper two bedroom apartment. So, I was stuck. I had to stay with her. It led to an awful marriage I've been trying to get out of ever since. 

I would suggest that you stay together for now but that you save toward being able to leave him and be on your own.


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## ChipperE

Feeling limited by the logistics give you a perfect opportunity to live the 180. Detach from him. Start saving money and make a plan to be on your own that starts today. You start by realizing you are on your own...be on your own. Look at him like a roommate. Don't ask him for anything besides financial support. Start to drive this life with training wheels to see what it will be like once you leave him. That is an empowering thing.

I was in a similar situation with my first husband and it turns out he was a serial adulterer. Didn't know until 6 years and 3 kids into an 11-year marriage. So he was my roommate. I broke away emotionally from him and lived my own life until I could support 3 kids on my own. I never looked back and my kids and I became a unit. When we split they didn't even miss him because they were so used to the 4 of us being together.

Channel your inner strength. Live the 180. You can do it!!!


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## 3Xnocharm

Aurelie said:


> You're right, it's not the kind of man I want my son to grow into. I think about that a lot... As long as we are together, he won't be around his dad often. If we break up, his dad could have 50/50 custody. I hate the thought of him having my son half the time. Previously when it came up, he said he would fight for custody. We weren't fighting or anything, it just came up in conversation somehow. I feel like my son is better off with us together so that I'm the main parent. I also don't want my son to see that relationship growing up and again, turn out like that... If his dad went into a new relationship he'd still see it - unless he's just this way to me.


He is feeding you bullsh!t, there is no way he will fight you for custody. He didn't want the child to begin with, and will not want to actually have to be responsible for his care on his own. I have a feeling even if you work out visitation, he will eventually drop out of the picture completely. So don't let fear of him fighting hold you back. If he does, you just fight back even harder...after all, you are the MOM, don't take any crap when it comes to your kid.


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## Aurelie

We're still in the same place that we were and I'm getting more frustrated than ever. I'm just rambling but I don't know what to do anymore. 

I can get my boyfriend to watch a 1 hour show with me once a week and that's considered couple time to him. I don't love him anymore. I don't like him. I've lost my attraction. Our sex life sucks because I'm not into it at all. Financially breaking up and moving apart isn't possible. We have had a bunch of expensive things come up and have limited savings. I'm trying to find a new job so I can work more hours and save more. 

He isn't abusive, just pays no attention to me. He has gotten a bit better with our child. 

I tried doing a 180 and all it did was push him further away. I don't know how that is supposed to help anything. I hoped he'd realize what he was losing but he didn't. 

I've started thinking about other men, looking at them more while I'm out. I got a gym membership and I stopped going because I was being hit on and I don't want to do something stupid. 

I don't want to lose time with my child. I don't want another woman being in his life and acting like a mother. I don't trust other people with my son. That's the hardest part of leaving. I feel like I'm giving up half of my son's life for my own happiness, but I won't be happy. I feel like I need to stick it out for the next 16 years and then leave. My boyfriend would go for 50/50 and would get into another relationship. 

I just wish I knew what the best choice was. Or better, that he'd smarten up.


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## 3Xnocharm

The best choice is NOT sticking this misery out for another 16 years. Doing the 180 is for YOU, to help you move forward regardless of what happens with him. This is not a healthy environment for either you or your son, and despite what you think you are NOT giving up half his life for your own happiness. Children deserve a peaceful, loving home and they very much pick up on tension and unhappiness between their parents. 

This is no way to live.


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## AtMyEnd

Aurelie said:


> I feel like I need to give it one final last-ditch effort. Where I try my absolute hardest to salvage the relationship. It's a huge decision for me and I don't want to feel like I didn't do everything that I could... He won't go to relationship counselling. I try to do things that should/could make him happy and it doesn't help. A few days ago I cleaned the main floor of the house until it was spotless, he came home before I had started upstairs and all he did was complain how messy the bathroom was. If I try and rub his shoulders or back he just asks what I'm doing and pushes me away or tells me to go away. A couple days ago I decided to make a large dinner from scratch (basically equivalent to a Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner). I asked him not to use his phone, and he wouldn't put it down. Then after dinner he just complained how messy the kitchen was. Yeah, it was messy and I suck at cleaning as I cook, but I spent literally all day cooking that meal while trying to take care of our 2 year old. He didn't say thank you or acknowledge it at all. He just complained about the messy kitchen, which he didn't have to touch at all I cleaned it all (he was going to, but after that comment I just wanted him gone).
> 
> Yesterday I went out and bought new lingerie, prepped my whole body to look good, went to try and initiate sex and he barely even looked at me. He glanced at me then went back to playing some game with his friend (online, his friend wasn't in the room). The rejection physically hurts. If it was once and a while, whatever. It's not though, it's all the time. When we do have sex it's only on his terms, and it lasts a minute or two. He said we needed to try different things in the bedroom so I initiated that and nope, didn't help.
> 
> If I try and talk to him about things that I need him to apologize for he just gets defensive and tells me to get over it. My pregnancy, birth, first year is one of those things. It's a very sore spot for me and he has never acknowledged how crappy he was, just says to get over it. Usually I could, but that I can't. He ruined that time of my life and he ruined any chance of me wanting to do it again.
> 
> I want to try and nothing I do works... I feel like there has to be something that I can do. I work from home full time, he works from home most of the time (15 hours out of the house). It's not like we don't have time to be with each other.


If you want to give it one last real try than start treating him the way he's been treating you. Focus on you and the things you enjoy and don't include him. Don't speak to him unless he initiates the conversation and even then just answer his questions and leave it at that. Walk around the house naked or in your underwear and make sure he sees it. If he tries to initiate sex, blow it off and tell him you don't feel like it or something like that. STOP catering to him, let him see that you're just fine by yourself and don't need him.


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## oldshirt

Aurelie said:


> I feel like I need to give it one final last-ditch effort. Where I try my absolute hardest to salvage the relationship. It's a huge decision for me and I don't want to feel like I didn't do everything that I could... He won't go to relationship counselling. I try to do things that should/could make him happy and it doesn't help. A few days ago I cleaned the main floor of the house until it was spotless, he came home before I had started upstairs and all he did was complain how messy the bathroom was. If I try and rub his shoulders or back he just asks what I'm doing and pushes me away or tells me to go away. A couple days ago I decided to make a large dinner from scratch (basically equivalent to a Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner). I asked him not to use his phone, and he wouldn't put it down. Then after dinner he just complained how messy the kitchen was. Yeah, it was messy and I suck at cleaning as I cook, but I spent literally all day cooking that meal while trying to take care of our 2 year old. He didn't say thank you or acknowledge it at all. He just complained about the messy kitchen, which he didn't have to touch at all I cleaned it all (he was going to, but after that comment I just wanted him gone).
> 
> Yesterday I went out and bought new lingerie, prepped my whole body to look good, went to try and initiate sex and he barely even looked at me. He glanced at me then went back to playing some game with his friend (online, his friend wasn't in the room). The rejection physically hurts. If it was once and a while, whatever. It's not though, it's all the time. When we do have sex it's only on his terms, and it lasts a minute or two. He said we needed to try different things in the bedroom so I initiated that and nope, didn't help.
> 
> If I try and talk to him about things that I need him to apologize for he just gets defensive and tells me to get over it. My pregnancy, birth, first year is one of those things. It's a very sore spot for me and he has never acknowledged how crappy he was, just says to get over it. Usually I could, but that I can't. He ruined that time of my life and he ruined any chance of me wanting to do it again.
> 
> I want to try and nothing I do works... I feel like there has to be something that I can do. I work from home full time, he works from home most of the time (15 hours out of the house). It's not like we don't have time to be with each other.



The problem is that nothing you did made him this way, so nothing you can do will change him into an involved, caring and loving husband and father. 

He did not want to be a parent, is not father material and does not have the DNA in him to be a nurturing, loving father or a good coparent with you. 

He was a fun, sexy Saturday night date and was good in bed. But that does not make him husband and father material. 

I don't want to make this into a Pro Life vs Pro Choice debate, but we have to keep in mind the cold, hard truth - he wanted your child dead. 

There is no hope here for him to be a decent parent. There is nothing you can do because there is nothing you did that made him this way. It is out of your control. 

What is in your control is the kind of life you can make for yourself and your child without him in it.


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## oldshirt

Aurelie said:


> We're still in the same place that we were and I'm getting more frustrated than ever. I'm just rambling but I don't know what to do anymore.
> 
> I can get my boyfriend to watch a 1 hour show with me once a week and that's considered couple time to him. I don't love him anymore. I don't like him. I've lost my attraction. Our sex life sucks because I'm not into it at all. Financially breaking up and moving apart isn't possible. We have had a bunch of expensive things come up and have limited savings. I'm trying to find a new job so I can work more hours and save more.
> 
> He isn't abusive, just pays no attention to me. He has gotten a bit better with our child.
> 
> I tried doing a 180 and all it did was push him further away. I don't know how that is supposed to help anything. I hoped he'd realize what he was losing but he didn't.
> 
> I've started thinking about other men, looking at them more while I'm out. I got a gym membership and I stopped going because I was being hit on and I don't want to do something stupid.
> 
> I don't want to lose time with my child. I don't want another woman being in his life and acting like a mother. I don't trust other people with my son. That's the hardest part of leaving. I feel like I'm giving up half of my son's life for my own happiness, but I won't be happy. I feel like I need to stick it out for the next 16 years and then leave. My boyfriend would go for 50/50 and would get into another relationship.
> 
> I just wish I knew what the best choice was. Or better, that he'd smarten up.


He isn't going to realize what he is losing because he never wanted a home and family and children to begin with. 

He will also not "smarten up" because this is not a issue of intellect, intelligence or smarts. It is an issue of investment. He is simply not invested in you, your son or your home and family life. 

When you first announce leaving, he may initially say he wants 50/50 custody, but that is just so he won't have to pay child support. He will not last a weekend of custodial care and will be glad to hand him back over to you. 

Remember, he wanted your son to die so I do not believe he will put up much of a fight for custody. 

Your best course of action here initially is to meet with a family law attorney and find out what your rights and responsibilities in this situation are. 

Normally I would advise seeking child support but with child support comes obligated contact and access to the child. Given your BF's total lack of investment in fatherhood and child rearing, I would fear for the well being and even safety of the child in his care. 

If he was offered the opportunity to walk away scot-free in exchange for relinquishing his parental rights, he will probably go for it. 

That will place more financial burden on you so you may need to look into moving back in with your parents or friends or relatives or something, but it will be worth the peace of mind and sanity of taking care of your own business.


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## EleGirl

He said that he would go for 50% custody. But he spends no time with your child and does nothing to help.

So I rather doubt that he will really go for 50% custody. He's have to actually move a finger and take care of his own child if he did that.

In your current situation, your child is learning that he is not a valued person. He's learning that he does not deserve his father's love. And your husband tells him that every moment that he ignores your child. That's a form of emotional abuse and you are helping your husband treat you son this way. You are allowing your son to be mistreated.


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## oldshirt

Aurelie said:


> . My boyfriend would go for 50/50 and would get into another relationship.


Having 50/50 custody would really put a damper on him picking up chicks or getting another GF. 

He is not going to want any kind of custody. 

Stop thinking that he has a paternal cell in his body. 

You are projecting your own parental drives onto him. 

Accept that he has none.


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## Openminded

Nothing has changed. I don't know how much harder you can try, considering you've already tried your hardest and you consistently keep getting shot down. 

He not only doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you.


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## Aurelie

I spoke with a lawyer today. Standard custody is 50/50. I know that he will take that. He doesn't want to look like a bad dad and thinks he is a good dad. I know his parents would end up having my son more than my boyfriend. On one hand, they respect me, how I parent and are good with him. On the other hand, they raised my boyfriend and look how he turned out. His brother is the same, but 2 years older. 

He suggested I start writing a log of my day every day. Most judges won't even look at it, unless my boyfriendis dangerous they don't care. But on the off chance that I can submit it. It also might show my boyfriend himself how little he does. I don't think he realizes how little he does. So I need to keep an honest log of what we both do. 

Then save money and prepare to leave. The lawyer said to stop engaging with him. Don't start conversation but don't ignore/silent treatment. Don't help him with things. No sex. Live as roommates as much as possible. If he changes by the time I can leave then reevaluate but otherwise go.


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## WilliamM

And please stick to it. You deserve a chance to be happy. 

Be well. Be strong. Yes, it's hard.


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## Openminded

Yes, listen to your lawyer. He has the right idea.


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## oldshirt

Aurelie said:


> I spoke with a lawyer today. Standard custody is 50/50. I know that he will take that. He doesn't want to look like a bad dad and thinks he is a good dad. I know his parents would end up having my son more than my boyfriend. On one hand, they respect me, how I parent and are good with him. On the other hand, they raised my boyfriend and look how he turned out. His brother is the same, but 2 years older.
> 
> He suggested I start writing a log of my day every day. Most judges won't even look at it, unless my boyfriendis dangerous they don't care. But on the off chance that I can submit it. It also might show my boyfriend himself how little he does. I don't think he realizes how little he does. So I need to keep an honest log of what we both do.
> 
> Then save money and prepare to leave. The lawyer said to stop engaging with him. Don't start conversation but don't ignore/silent treatment. Don't help him with things. No sex. Live as roommates as much as possible. If he changes by the time I can leave then reevaluate but otherwise go.


As long as the grandparents are good people and good grandparents, there is no need to shun them or get down on them. 

If your sperm donor isn't a drunk/druggie, doesn't abuse or mistreat you or the boy or put him in any danger, then he isn't a bad person and it's not like his parents are bad people for raising him, it's just that he himself isn't husband or father material and has no interest in children or a family life. Most guys are that way to one degree or another - some are just worse than others. He's on the worse end of the spectrum. 

Do what the lawyer says. He/she went to law school, knows the divorce and custody laws in your jurisdiction and deals with this stuff day in and day out every day. 

When push comes to shove, I still think he will eventually opt out of custody and will just simply do a fade-out when given the opportunity.


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## turnera

Don't worry about the 50/50 custody. He won't use it. He may use it for a few months, but you will start to see it tapering off, once he sees he has to actually chase the kid around and that nobody's patting him on the back for it. IMO, the ONLY way he'll keep 50% custody is if his parents PAY HIM for bringing the kids around. Which would be ok; kids need their grandparents.

But have your lawyer insist that you get primary custody, or whatever they call it, where you get first rights on decisions.


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## oldshirt

Yeah, guys like this do not last in custody situations. 

He may initially say he wants 50/50 but it is just because he is thinking about child support and trying to figure a way he won't have to pay it. 

If his parents are decent grandparents, they may even be pressuring him to accept some kind of custody so they can still have some kind of access. 

But once he actually has to start fathering and once he can't dump him off on his parents, he will come back to the negotiation table real fast. 

Once he has some young single woman he is interested in banging, he will be begging you to take the child off of his hands. 

If the grandparents are decent people and good grandparents, I may even consider sitting down with them and see if they would consider talking him into relingguishing his parental rights in exchange for assuring them a certain degree of access.


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