# Trying to leave



## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

I’ve made it as clear as clear can be that I no longer want to be married and I’m still here. I said,”we are not healthy for each other, we don’t have a friendship, no relationship, you’re not living the life you want to live in order to keep me here, to keep us here(the kids), I said I feel like you are one of my children and I don’t love you the way a wife I think should love her husband.” There was a lot more said. He had a response for everything and he is okay with me flat out saying I don’t want to be together anymore. He said we just have to try and you have to figure out how you can love me and it was just jaw dropping some of his responses. So I’m still here. I talked to my therapist today and she’s amazing. But I know no one can make me do this. I’m scared to leave because I can’t believe he’s in such denial. I can’t believe he wants to stay when he’s not being loved. I don’t know what will happen to him and I’m scared to pack, I’m scared to try to talk again, I’m scared to sneak out and leave things in my house that I want, I’m scared of confrontation with him, I’m nervous to hear him ask what he did when everything has been spelled out multiple times, I’m scared what if he turns and tries to do something to me or to himself or to my kids if I leave. The level of denial and fear he is in is weirding me out and stressful. My therapist said and I knew it too- this is just another way this is for his self interest. Even though he’s giving up drinking in the house and cleaning and doing anything he can it’s for his benefit. I don’t want to hurt him. I just want to get out. The damage has been done. I cannot love him. I’ll love him but not the way a relationship should be. I feel sorry for him that he can’t see himself. It’s the saddest thing.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Why not see an attorney and file for D, lining all of this out legally?


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Spicy said:


> Why not see an attorney and file for D, lining all of this out legally?


Been thinking about that. It all seems so stressful but then where I’m out is stressful-so it’s probably better just to start moving things along.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My ex was like this too. His ability to live in denial and play dumb was off the charts.

Even after I moved into the spare bedroom he still played dumb.....he admitted later that he figured I'd "get over it" and come back.

I filed for divorce and moved out and he still played dumb. Loser even continued to wear his ring after the divorce was finalized and didn't tell anyone on his side that we'd divorced until some time after.....just pretended he was still married.

The paperwork was sitting on the judge's desk on Thanksgiving and he went on about how he was glad we were still married. He was all about image management even if it was all phony.

Denial is a powerful thing.

He won't be able to start to move on until you actually leave, so you're making this a lot harder on him by refusing to make hard decisions.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The only one keeping you in limbo is yourself.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> My ex was like this too. His ability to live in denial and play dumb was off the charts.
> 
> Even after I moved into the spare bedroom he still played dumb.....he admitted later that he figured I'd "get over it" and come back.
> 
> ...


I’m not glad that it was the same for you, I’m just happy that it is an experience like mine because it sounds exactly what is happening to me. He is the person that likes to have the family at home but until now has not been a part of the family. The family to take to family gatherings but doesn’t know us. You’re right. I need to do this.


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