# My husband left 4 days ago, i want him back!



## still_in_love (Apr 17, 2012)

I will get right into it, my husband and i have been married for 5 years, no children, we have had a very tough marriage early on, he lived in another country and i was juggling back and forth from the states to overseas, after we got married we lived overseas for a year and went through hell and back to get him to the states. i feel like we fought so hard to be together, equally fought, and when i remember the love he had for me then, i feel like i took it for granted and miss it so much. once he was here things we a bit rocky him adjusting to living here, but we go through it and things were great. however i must say that in our firs year of marriage i found out he had been with another woman, I'm not sure how far it went but i know it was very brief, needless to say i forgave him but never forgot, and slowly i began being insecure in myself and our relationship, and started doing things i never had done, i went from being a strong secure person to always snooping and spying on him, even when there was really nothing, i fabricated things in my head and believed them, and would get mad and upset based on those ideas. this obviously caused a lot of friction between us and in the pas year he grew distant, eventually asking for a divorce. it came out of left field for me, i didn't realize at that time how i contributed to his decision. at first we separated for about a month, and during that month i did all the things i should have done, the text message terrorism, showing up at the house, crying, begging, making him feel sorry for me. eventually after the month he took me back, and at first things were rocky still, i was trying to be a different person. we started going out again slowly and things seemed to me to back to normal, during that time he had told me he loved me and to just forget everything, still i had questions of why it happened and i pestered for answers, causing a huge fight and this now ultimate break up. he just left 3 days ago. i didn't go back into the routine of the text messaging, but i had one slip of me crying on the phone. just a few hours ago i did text him and told him that this was best for both of us and that hes important to me and i want him to be happy. 



i don't want this divorce, and I'm willing to do anything, but i want him to want me back. its really hard especially that I'm here in our home and he is not. and I'm fighting all my intuitions to call him or text him. this is the man i fell in love with 6 years ago and want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm not saying this is all my fault but i realize we had communication issues, i did many times try to talk to him when things were good, he would often just not understand me, and the next day or two after he thought of what i would say he would approach me in a loving way and reassure his love to me. just one day before he left we had a great day out, and a home cooked meal and cuddled, and i felt his love all around me, how can it go from that to the next day him packing and leaving? i do believe we can salvage this, even though when i called crying he told me this was it for good and he wasn't coming back. i think maybe after our initial break up me coming back was too soon. of course at the time a month away felt like a year. I'm really trying to stick to your advice and fight back me calling him and its hard. but I'm promising to stick to it.

i dont want a divorce, he has not talked about filing for divorce, and is still helping me financially. he's a good man and i know this, i think he is lost and feels like he is going through a midlife crisis at 28. he lost his father a few months ago, he went overseas after his death and i feel like he had to deal with it all over again, i was there for him the whole time, and he was gone for a month, and after he came back is when all these problems started, of course i know the issues were there from before. im not saying im innocent, but i fell all the things that make him mad are because my insecurites with us. something we were both not used to, i feel like he planted that in me and i now cant stop. after the initial reconcilation i found out he had been talking to other women, and even though he told me he stopped he blamed the seperation on me and wasnt honest or open, changed email passwords and phone passwords, i never asked for them and tried to trust him, there were no signs he was not to be trusted but i was never sure. now that we are sepreated again he is telling me that i was the best thing to happen to him and that he loves me but its just hard to be together, and i feel like telling him if he wasnt so closed off and secretive there wouldnt be anyting to fight about. 

i want him back, i want to have a family with him, i know he can change because he wasnt always like this, how can i get him to come back? how can i get him to see the woman he fell in love with? how can i get him to change and be like we once were. i dont want to be with him if i will still feel like this but i dont know if that is all his fault. please help


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Sorry to see this and my heart goes out to you.

I can say one thing I want to highlight is don't think about how you can get him back. Think about getting yourself back to feeling secure feeling good about yourself. Perhaps consider counseling or even a support group. Find a way to return to a normal balance for you.

This is going to be hard as you have a huge investment in your H. He definitely sounds like a good man, however don't be so easy on him with wanting him back. His leaving as well as the previous infedelity needs to be addressed. He needs to work on himself to figure out why he was ok with doing that. It seems based on your other statements this would conflict with his ethical principles.

Again I feel horrible that your situation is at this point but don't despair. You now have an oppertunity to work on making yourself better and find new passions and interests. Once you feel good about your own person, it's not long before your H or possible after(I know this is hard to imagine) that someone will want you as you are. 

Stay positive and keep progressing, don't wait around.


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## still_in_love (Apr 17, 2012)

Thank You Mtts

i know you are right, and i know i will be ok but its hard because its so recent, im trying to set small goals, like not calling him screaming at him as why he did this. and i know he is a great man and thats why i want to be with him, i want that great man. i just hope he can realize that. in the mean time i will work on me and stay focused.


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