# when does a man see only the one he loves



## hopefull future (Jun 3, 2015)

In a day and age where women are posted everywhere to get a click to the next thought or desire to find or see more be it TV, computer or any media messaging. I still believe that there comes a time for men when they reach no more for the next sight or search for more and the love they have for their commitment stands above and the contentment is greater in that one love. women feel the need to compete in their mind with the images that society provides with such easy access regardless to how beautiful or secure they may be. Supermodels, actresses all face the same thoughts. I still believe that there can come point for a man that fulfillment remains with the single person they have chosen. (And yes I know this can go both ways it just seems the guys I have shared this thought with seem to say this is not so. Any thoughts out there? when or why 
Thank you!


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## tenac (Jun 3, 2015)

A heterosexual man will always check out attractive females regardless of how much they love their significant other.

It's just how we're wired.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I think my husband would always like to look at a beautiful woman and I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as it is just looking and not in a way that is disrespectful to me. 

I think the commitment to me and only me is there but when you say when would a man only SEE the one they love, I don't think that is realistic. SEEING other woman and being attracted to them is normal IMO.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

when does a man see only the one he loves... Answer when hes blindfolded every time another beautiful woman is around:wink2:.

Men will always look and notice an attractive female. They are red blooded males:smile2:. Looking is ok. Its when they start touching is when a woman will worry!!!. Honestly a man is gonna look it does not matter if hes married to one of the most beautiful women in the world hes still gonna notice when he sees another pretty woman. 

I am not naive i know my husband looks i have caught him on occasion... then i remember hes married to me, yes he looks, but i know he loves me and i am enough for him. I am just happy hes faithful to me and makes love to only me ( I know some people including myself hate that phrase!!):laugh:


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

I don't know...but I've never once noticed my man checking out other women. I'm sure he does, but he is thoughtful and kind so he tries to not be overt about it. We have been together over 21 years....and he is a good looking man. Very good looking. I notice women checking him out, but I've never seen him do it...though I know he must notice other women. It has made me proud to be his woman.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Probably when she is the only woman in the room. 

Noticing and/or appreciating beauty is a normal thing. Everyone does it. 

The tact or lack thereof is what causes the problems.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I love my wife and even after >25 years or marriage I am still very attracted to her. That does not mean though that I am not attracted to other women, or that she isn't attracted to other men. Marriage and love do not, and I think should not make you cease to recognize beauty.

We happily kid each other about it - neither feels threatened in any way. I think this is far better than trying to pretend that you have no interest in anyone else.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband enjoys the female form.. a little eye candy... this does not bother me.. I feel this just shows his Testosterone is pumping as it should... I wouldn't even want that to go away -to be honest.

He's never been one to turn his head... I've never felt disrespected in his presence..or that I was competing for attention.... when I am beside him, his focus/ energies has always been on me..or our children.. so even saying that.. I resonate with your opening post, as I feel his commitment stands above all else. 

It seems your post was focusing more on super models .. not so much real life ....If a man is giving undivided "flirting" attention elsewhere... it will cause Jealousy to rise within.. for good reason.... there is such a thing as Healthy & Unhealthy jealousy...

It is laid out here... so to decide.. are we over reacting.. or is he not giving enough attention.. his heart, his affections are divided, have gone astray...it's surely something to open up & talk about.. 



> *Two types of jealousy*
> 
> Jealousy can be either healthy or unhealthy. Healthy jealousy is a means to guard your territory and comes from a sincere care and commitment to a relationship. On the other hand, unhealthy jealousy manifests itself through lies, threats, self-pity, and feelings of inadequacy, inferiority and insecurity.
> 
> ...




do you feel his heart is with you.. that you "fill" his cup.. or his affections are divided.. Noticing a beautiful woman walking past is not in the same category as ...you're at a party, and he leaves your side to go chatting it up with a hot stranger, and a jealousy rises within.. If anything, the devoted man want your presence there beside him.. or focus his energies on you, the hot female would be secondary... she's there.. but just like anyone else. 

There are such devoted men. I've known a good many of them in my life.. My Grandfather on my dad's side.. (my other grandfather was a FLIRT till he died at age 97 though).. My father was also like this.. he was never one who needed variety.. just one good woman.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

REALLY good stuff in this thread. The voice of reason.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

tenac said:


> A heterosexual man will always check out attractive females regardless of how much they love their significant other.
> 
> It's just how we're wired.


Agreed. 

I was head over heels in love with my x wife. I had plenty of offers to cheat and honestly could have gotten away with it in all regards except for myself and therefore I never did. I was happily committed to her and she had my heart 100%. But I always noticed women since the time I was 10 till now. I love the female form and suspect I always will. But while I look I am very easily able to keep my heart in one place


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hopefull future said:


> In a day and age where women are posted everywhere to get a click to the next thought or desire to find or see more be it TV, computer or any media messaging. I still believe that there comes a time for men when they reach no more for the next sight or search for more and the love they have for their commitment stands above and the contentment is greater in that one love. women feel the need to compete in their mind with the images that society provides with such easy access regardless to how beautiful or secure they may be. Supermodels, actresses all face the same thoughts. * I still believe that there can come point for a man that fulfillment remains with the single person they have chosen. * (*And yes I know this can go both ways it just seems the guys I have shared this thought with seem to say this is not so. Any thoughts out there? when or why *
> Thank you!


When you love each other so deeply that the most important thing for both of you is forgiveness. Because you cannot change human nature. You cannot avoid all possible problems. You cannot live a life without at least some turmoil, whether it's in the form of relationship issues, health issues, or monetary issues. 

Even if you end up divorcing, you can still be fulfilled, if you are able to forgive. Yes, for all you nay sayers, I do believe this. I just can't find it within myself.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

tenac said:


> A heterosexual man will always check out attractive females regardless of how much they love their significant other.
> 
> It's just how we're wired.


I think men can control it. They just choose not to.


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## arabian (Jun 3, 2015)

Fitnessfan....fair to say you do the same when you are in the gym i.e. check out that "hottie" that is ripped and easy on the yes? 



Fitnessfan said:


> I think my husband would always like to look at a beautiful woman and I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as it is just looking and not in a way that is disrespectful to me.
> 
> I think the commitment to me and only me is there but when you say when would a man only SEE the one they love, I don't think that is realistic. SEEING other woman and being attracted to them is normal IMO.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

You know, to be honest, when I'm at the gym I'm too busy working my butt off to look around much. I tend to notice someone more if they are doing crazy high box jumps or a million pullups because I'm impressed with fitness whether it's male or female. However, I, for sure, appreciate looking at an attractive man. My husband and I will chuckle a bit and point out other attractive people to each other. Ooohh...did you see that one? I bet you did, lol! We are both fine with joking around like this..it's kind of fun.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

My wife absolutely has my heart.

My eyes......

I blame yoga pants....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> My wife absolutely has my heart.
> 
> My eyes......
> 
> ...


Blame it all on yoga pants.......:grin2:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Kitt said:


> Blame it all on yoga pants.......:grin2:


Well...ok....

Tight jeans and skirts too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

There was a time that my H would see an attractive woman and say "Whoa".....it killed me inside. I never understood why he had to say something....just go ahead and look but be quiet about it. I never did forget that...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It's not like the majority of women don't look either.. I've always noticed attractive men...women too for that matter! It's a Human thing ...

As reflected in these posts.. it all comes down to feeling loved & desired with the one we are with....our significant other should KNOW where our heart is , we should FEEL theirs..... if either is questioning it...feeling Lessor.. someone has fallen down in their expressing, haven't been giving enough back....we may need to UP the words of affirmation , flirt a little more.....

Some may need more over others in these areas ... due to past betrayals (they have a hard time trusting).. or their love languages.....


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

I am in love with and absolutely committed to my wife. I am always respectful and never go overboard looking at attractive women. I don't ever want her to feel less than or that she isn't my #1. 

But as already stated by others, I notice attractive people: Women differently than men of course but I notice and if I don't my wife will usually point them out to me.


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## hopefull future (Jun 3, 2015)

Thank you much appreciation to BOTH sides the healthy jealousy post and notes of the respect and joking are the hope full future I see for a stronger society as a whole.

I think some have read this for the MORE I was trying to get from it. and some may have just saw the surface. BUT all was good.

I apologize if I could have been a bit more clear. I understand that as human we all see what walks in front of us and notes them male of female some appreciating what they wear or how they wear it male of female be it their clothing or their self in looks. I was speaking to that lightly but more then that I meant the seeking to notice them I guess through media. When should that be a concern?

I have had more guy friends than women although high school and college and know the thinking and hear it and given the female side to them. I am wondering if there was more than what I have taken in over the years as a therapist and friend.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I have this conversation regularly with my fiancee who points out good looking men and women to me. 
Honestly, I don't think I notice either side as much as she does, but I do notice, especially when a woman is TRYING to get attention (I may be engaged but I'm not dead). But I appreciate the figure, not it as an option for myself.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I think it's (for men) when you let it go past looking and eye candy. When you ruminate, think about, mentally undress, or even imagine sex with a woman you see.
See the woman, enjoy the sight for the brief moment, like anything else beautiful and then let the thought go.
I can see a beautiful woman and enjoy, and then 2-3 minutes later, she's not even in my thoughts.

In my old bachelor days, I would go to 'guy bars' which is where they had women barmaids, scantilly dressed and liked to tease the boys for $$.
I would enjoy the sight and delight, but always from a distance and once I left the bar, never gave it another thought.
I would however notice some of my fellow men flirt, engage and carry on and even in some rare cases proposition the girls, as if they had 
a chance in hell of doing anything with them beyond what they were already doing. I mean REALLY??? A beautiful young gal would have anything to
do with your sorry beer belly @ss?? I think it's a big turn-off. Look, but don't touch, and also don't let your mind wander and be stupid.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I also think to the OP question, yes a man can have eyes and mind only for one woman.
You don't have to compete ladies.

You've already won us. Just keep being you!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

When does a man see only the one he loves?

When he's looking down his pants.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

This is a two way street, everybody can notice an attractive person man or woman so I don't see why we think it's only or mostly about men


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

OP. Are you talking about looking up hot women on the internet or internet porn?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

LonelyinLove said:


> There was a time that my H would see an attractive woman and say "Whoa".....it killed me inside. I never understood why he had to say something....just go ahead and look but be quiet about it. I never did forget that...


I think this would kill me to. I think there is a big difference in noticing another pretty woman an blatantly doing it right in front of your partners face... Especially being disrespectful by saying Whoa... that is just really horrible and my hubby would never do that in front me and if he did then we would be having words. 

I cant really understand why your hubby had to do that either. I agree with you looking is fine, but i really could do without knowing about it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

melw74 said:


> *I think this would kill me to. I think there is a big difference in noticing another pretty woman an blatantly doing it right in front of your partners face... Especially being disrespectful by saying Whoa... that is just really horrible and my hubby would never do that in front me and if he did then we would be having words. *
> 
> I cant really understand why your hubby had to do that either. I agree with you looking is fine, but i really could do without knowing about it.


And it's not just men that do this. It's just as common among women, and not limited to the verbal "whoa"...Facebook likes, shares, comments too...


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W and I "people watch" if we are sitting somewhere. Sure we see handsome guys and good look gals but we only really comment on the "odd" ones we see. Whoa, wow and look at the rucksacks on that one does not happen.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Beauty is beautiful. I certainly notice beauty - and would be a pessimist/cynic not to notice. 

Even if I have a Rembrandt at home, I'm still going to notice a Van Gogh at a restaurant. The existence of the Van Gogh doesn't make my Rembrandt any less valuable.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> My wife absolutely has my heart.
> 
> My eyes......
> 
> ...


That is why I stopped wearing yoga pants, my wife couldn't stand the attention I was getting ... >


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think men in love do have "love goggles" for their wives. When they look at their wife they see that beautiful young woman they married years ago. My husband has not said this straight out but things he's said to me makes me believe it. I've also read threads in CWI where men have written that their wife's betrayal has completely shattered their "love goggles". They no longer see that beautiful young woman, (another good reason not to cheat, right? I would hate for my husband not to find me beautiful anymore.)

That being said, I don't think there is anything wrong with looking at other attractive people. I know my husband thinks Jennifer Aniston is hot, lol. It's normal to admire beauty as long as you're not obnoxious about it.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I love my wife and even after >25 years or marriage I am still very attracted to her. That does not mean though that I am not attracted to other women, or that she isn't attracted to other men. Marriage and love do not, and I think should not make you cease to recognize beauty.
> 
> We happily kid each other about it - neither feels threatened in any way. I think this is far better than trying to pretend that you have no interest in anyone else.


I think realizing someone is beautiful/handsome or noticing they're attractive and looking is far different than BEING attracted TO them. I find lots of people attractive, or notice they're good-looking, but don't feel particularly drawn or attracted to them. Does that make sense?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

When married, noticing an attractive person is not a problem. However, continuing to think about that attractive person afterwards is another matter in my opinion.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> And it's not just men that do this. It's just as common among women, and not limited to the verbal "whoa"...Facebook likes, shares, comments too...


Yes i see it a lot. I also think that a lot of it is inappropriate to. I stay out of that sort of banter, I know what sort of things my husband would find acceptable or not and if it goes that way then i do not participate in it.


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