# I kinda wish he would just leave



## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

So my husband and I have agreed on a divorce. We like and respect each other and value each other's friendship, but we've been living like siblings for years. I have not cheated and I do not believe he has either. We're just good friends. Not lovers or spouses. 

We live in a house in the country and he wants to move to a condo or loft apartment in a downtown area. I love my little country house and do not want to move. However, when we agreed to divorce I was not working outside the home. I have valuable skills and shouldn't have too hard of a time finding a good-paying job but of course the job search is a process.

We had initially agreed that we would continue rooming together until I landed a job. I have had some interviews and have been called back for a couple of second interviews.

The thing is, I'm just kind of ready for him to be gone. Things are really awkward and we don't have much to say to each other. He hasn't really made any moves towards looking at apartments and isn't even sure _which_ city he wants to live in. Financially, paying rent on an apartment wouldn't be a stretch for him. We have nearly a year of living expenses in the bank and it wouldn't be difficult to pay rent and mortgage for a month or two. 

Is it fair for me to ask him to go ahead and look for somewhere else to go? How do I do it without screwing up this tenuous peace we have?


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## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

If the two of you aren't speaking alot as it is, I don't think asking him to "speed up" this process (in a nice way, of course) is such a bad idea. I'm sure he can feel the need to leave as well. But, if you keep going along as if him being there is okay, he won't leave. 
Just look at it from his point of view: If you were living w/someone and said you'd move out, but weren't "fully ready" (just b/c he says he's gonna move doesn't mean his balls are) but it seemed like the person ur with didn't have an issue w/u staying... you'd stay...


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## bluebeauty (Aug 25, 2011)

Tread lightly....I assume the house is in both of your names? He could get really mean, very quickly.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Kathryn you had a verbal agreement to wait till you get a job. Why not stick to your word? Breaking an agreement is never a nice thing and certainly can't help your peaceful situation.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

synthetic said:


> Kathryn you had a verbal agreement to wait till you get a job. Why not stick to your word? Breaking an agreement is never a nice thing and certainly can't help your peaceful situation.


I agree. Also, hate to say it but if he's the one with the job now while you are looking, he's supporting you, isn't he? In any case, you can't really make him leave - if you feel that strongly, I'd suggest you leave first.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

bluebeauty said:


> Tread lightly....I assume the house is in both of your names? He could get really mean, very quickly.


A good thought



synthetic said:


> Kathryn you had a verbal agreement to wait till you get a job. Why not stick to your word? Breaking an agreement is never a nice thing and certainly can't help your peaceful situation.


Another good thought



samyeagar said:


> I know you really want to keep living in the country home, and he wants to live in the city, but if things are getting too unbearable for you, perhaps you could consider moving out? From what you said, it appears between you both, the resources are available for that?


Yeah, I thought about that but we have two German Shepherds. They have to stay with me because STBXH travels too much to care for them, and I haven't found a rental place that will allow me to bring them.


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