# Adultery Themed Movies



## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

I know the subject of movies where adultery is the theme or part of the plot, comes up here on TAM every so often. I've seen several and each movie, to me, explores a different aspect of infidelity:

1) _Unfaithful _shows the intensity of an affair
2) _Take This Waltz _shows emotionally how one descends into an affair.
3) _Asylum_ shows the effects cheating can have on your psyche
4)_Adulterers _is one of many that shows the consequences of an affair

I just watched _Adulterers _(2015) online and I seriously need to go lie down somewhere. Major, major triggers. Just google, "adulterers 2015 watch online". I don't know if many have seen it but it's based on a true story. A man comes home early to celebrate his wedding anniversary with his wife. He walks in on her getting railed by another man. They don't see him so he goes and gets his guns and surprises them. He holds them both at gunpoint naked in the room. This is all within the first 10 minutes. The rest of the movie is him going through every emotion in the book and grilling them. The stuff you hear regularly here on TAM, both from WS and BS, they go through all of it with several twists and turns thrown in. 

I would like to hear your take on this movie as well as any other movie you've seen dealing with the subject. Did you learn anything from it? If you reconciled with your spouse, did they have an "aha" moment? Did any movie change your perspective on infidelity?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Don't really need to watch something I already lived.

This infidelity crap is painful enough...I dont need to watch a couple of actors playing it out.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Granted ....hanging out here at TAM ....I read a lot of things I wish I could un-read, but atleast I can reply and post my thoughts.

When watching this kind of thing on TV....well I cant interject.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

However I did enjoy Richard Gere's character kill his old ladies AP!


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## WhereBluebirdsFly (May 2, 2016)

I've only seen the movie Unfaithful out of the ones you mentioned, I think they made the idea to be sexy and attractive, mainly off the cheat scenes and the actors doing it but also showed consequences and guilt as well. But seemed glamourised ( is that even a word?).


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Having lived and survived two absolutely horrendous infidelic marriages, let's just say that I'd rather have my toenails pulled out through my a$$ rather than to see one of those infidelity movies and to possibly "trigger!"

Call me a coward if you must, but I just do not want to go there again! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SasZ79 (Mar 14, 2015)

I've seen in the last time two TV mini series : 
Doctor Foster and The Beautiful Lie.
I liked both series because the unfaithful partners got what they deserved in both of them.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I wouldn't be able to help. To this day I can't watch any move where a wife is cheating. Just brings back too many painful triggers for me. My opinion these movies should be avoided.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

"A Perfect Man" is terrible. Everything about how infidelity is processed in the marriage is wrong. Maybe it could be viewed as a modern tragedy, with the betrayed wife creating the "Perfect Train Wreck". Maybe the plot is based on the theory that serial cheaters are redeemable good people who will make a good spouse if only the betrayed works hard to be a better more understanding spouse.

The acting was believable but the plot was such crap it isn't worth watching.


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## GreyGhost (Dec 20, 2014)

What about the TV Series "Affair"


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Fatal Attraction ~ I think this movie is good for both sexes, it shows us the dangers. I'm lucky me & my husband have never had an Infidelity situation, so we enjoy these films. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

raven3321 said:


> I know the subject of movies where adultery is the theme or part of the plot, comes up here on TAM every so often. I've seen several and each movie, to me, explores a different aspect of infidelity:
> 
> 1) _Unfaithful _shows the intensity of an affair
> 2) _Take This Waltz _shows emotionally how one descends into an affair.
> ...


Before my H's affair, I really enjoyed the movie "Waitress", with Keri Russell. Kind of dark comedy about a young woman in an abusive relationship, who seeks solace in an affair with her obstetrician when she gets pregnant. They portrayed the relationship between Keri Russell's character and her doctor so sweetly, and you felt she deserved happiness because of what a jerk her husband was.

But they totally glossed over how the doctor had a loving wife (they showed her briefly toward the end of the movie), and how her life is now destroyed whether she ever finds out or not.

After my D-day for me, 3.5 years ago, if I ever come across that movie on cable or On Demand, I can't even watch it.

Like others have posted, I wouldn't even attempt to watch the movies in OP's original list!


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Falling In Love

Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep. 

It's about two married people who fall in love with each other. Good movie, though like most affair movies, it makes the EA romantic instead of wrong.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"Phaedra" - with Anthony Perkins and Melina Mercouri. Of course it also involves quasi incest and suicide.


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## Kobold (Dec 5, 2015)

raven3321 said:


> 1) _Unfaithful _shows the intensity of an affair
> 
> I saw this one years ago, it was pretty decent. Had a fairly realistic(IMO) portrayal of the typical WW affair, but the ending, while enjoyable to see somebody get their just desserts, kinda ruined the realism element that they seemed to be going for.
> 
> ...


I watched the trailer for this one based on your recommendation and I couldn't even make it all the way through that. :wtf: More "cultural engineering" from the usual suspects.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

raven3321 said:


> I know the subject of movies where adultery is the theme or part of the plot, comes up here on TAM every so often. I've seen several and each movie, to me, explores a different aspect of infidelity:
> 
> 1) _Unfaithful _shows the intensity of an affair
> 2) _Take This Waltz _shows emotionally how one descends into an affair.
> ...


I can't stomach to watch it. Please spare me that and tell me how it ended. Did he get even ?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Trans Siberia


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

*(((Spoiler Alert)))*



wmn1 said:


> I can't stomach to watch it. Please spare me that and tell me how it ended. Did he get even ?


OK. I'll give you a synopsis. Just be forewarned there are spoilers ahead if you wanted to watch it. 

A guy from New Orleans calls his wife to wish her a happy 1 year anniversary but also to tell her he has to pull a double shift so he won't be there till late. It's established that they are totally in love.

He gets a reprieve and comes home at lunch time with flowers and candy. He doesn't notice at first but realizes she's home. He walks upstairs and hears them before he gets to the door....opens it and there they are.

They're so caught up, they don't even notice him. He goes back downstairs going through every emotion in the book. He grabs 2 revolvers and goes back up. He kicks in the door and startles both of them. They both give them apologies and plead for their life. He kills them both.

The film then reboots:

He goes back downstairs and starts drinking. Half-drunk he goes back upstairs where they are still screwing. He busts in the door again, but this time instead of shooting them, he barricades the door and hold them hostage for hours.

This all happens in the first 10 minutes of the movie. For the rest of the movie, he threatens them, interrogates them, gets all the excuses you hear here on TAM. In fact, they explore every situation you frequently hear. He calls her every name in the book, makes her perform a sex act on the other man (who happens by the way to be black) He finds out the other guy is also married, with a child and one on the way. 

At some point, the OMs wife calls and the husband makes the OM tell her what he did. The other wife yells at him, then asks to talk to the betrayed husband off speaker phone. After the call, the husband continues finding out stuff about both his wife and the OM. At some point, there is a knock at the door. It's the other wife. She comes in, listens to the OM apologize, then turns to the husband, takes off his pants, and bends over the bed for him. With the cheating wife and the OM freaking out, he takes the OMs wife right in front of them. She then tells the husband she doesn't care what happens to the OM, she's done with him and leaves. 

After that the wife breaks down and starts recounting her childhood and how she was sexually abused. One aspect I forgot to mention is when the husband firs started asking questions, ,he wound up a metronome and said when it stopped, he was killing them both.

It stopped. 

He pointed the gun at the OM. As he pulled the trigger, the camera cuts to a very cute black girl who worked with the husband. She showed up knocking on the door at the house worried because he didn't come back to work. It's established in the beginning of the film, she had been trying to flirt with him apparently for a while but he was so in love with his wife, he didn't go there. 

The next shot is the husband sitting on the couch downstairs as his wife starts eating her chocolates and enjoying her flowers. You can't help but notice the feet of the dead OM next to her on the floor. Next he's outside shoveling dirt; his wife sitting pretty on the porch watching him. He looks up several times and smiles at her. The last time he looks up, she's not there. He looks down at the shovel and you see part of her garment laying on the ground.

Remember the last scene of The Usual Suspects where the detective realizes the guy was making stuff up. The last scene here does the same thing. It revisits past conversations as he slowly realizes he actually killed them like it happened initially. The entire thing was in his head.

At the beginning of the movie, it's established that this is based on a true story.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Can't believe no one mentioned this one: "A Walk on the Moon" from 1999, three years before Unfaithful with Diane Lane again playing the unfaithful one. Diane Lane, Viggo Mortenson, Liev Schreiber, Anna Paquin. 

I thought the performances were good but that the story was incomplete.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I is s to watch the tv show the affair with the wife. Ironic methinks. I always get anxiety over cheating in movies. Not that I don't like it, I mean, watching the movie, but I get major anxiety. She even knew it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Can't believe no one mentioned this one: "A Walk on the Moon" from 1999, three years before Unfaithful with Diane Lane again playing the unfaithful one. Diane Lane, Viggo Mortenson, Liev Schreiber, Anna Paquin.
> 
> I thought the performances were good but that the story was incomplete.


I saw that one. I agree that it was incomplete. I remember the daughter confronting her... But the rest seemed to follow the "hush hush" mentality. Granted, it took place in '69, and from talking with my parents, I learned (at least in their lives), it was often not a topic discussed as it is now. But, still, it was so... anticlimactic, really.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

''Unfaithful'' is a sad film, but well acted and seems like that is exactly the emotions that it could elicit.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> I saw that one. I agree that it was incomplete. I remember the daughter confronting her... But the rest seemed to follow the "hush hush" mentality. Granted, it took place in '69, and from talking with my parents, I learned (at least in their lives), it was often not a topic discussed as it is now. But, still, it was so... anticlimactic, really.


Yup. I'd been married for 10 years by '69. Hush-hush was more than common, it was the expected response. Today those times are called the "good old days" by those who feel that an absence of divorce indicates no cheating.


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## GreyGhost (Dec 20, 2014)

Bridges of ******* County


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

GreyGhost said:


> Bridges of ******* County


I think that's the porn version.

I am guessing ash ley mad ison is a bad word here...

****** *******
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreyGhost (Dec 20, 2014)

Sir, I'm talking about the '95 movie starring Meryl Streep & Clint Eastwood. I remember watching this on a plane an year ago and realized it used to be one of fav movies of my WW, before her A.:grin2:


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Kobold said:


> I watched the trailer for this one based on your recommendation and I couldn't even make it all the way through that. :wtf: More *"cultural engineering" *from the usual suspects.



A bit passive aggressive. Please explain?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

*Re: (((Spoiler Alert)))*



raven3321 said:


> OK. I'll give you a synopsis. Just be forewarned there are spoilers ahead if you wanted to watch it.
> 
> A guy from New Orleans calls his wife to wish her a happy 1 year anniversary but also to tell her he has to pull a double shift so he won't be there till late. It's established that they are totally in love.
> 
> ...


thanks Raven for the description.

Wow, it hits on so many of the things mentioned on this board - revenge affairs, trickletruthing, walking in on the cheating spouse, violence etc...

I think the movie will piss me off too badly to watch it. However, thanks to you, I now know what it's about and I will be happy with that. Thanks for the time you took in writing it up.

Wow, just wow. Multiple scenarios played out at once


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same_Time,_Next_Year_(film), which is about a married man and married woman who have an affair that goes on for many years, with one meeting a year.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

I watched Adulterers last night. I thought it would piss me off, but it didn't. It just made me feel sad with a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach through most of the movie. I knew in the back of my mind she was probably dead, and his mind had snapped under the strain of what happened, but when she disappeared from the chair, I cried.

The only other movie or show mentioned I have seen is Unfaithful. About 12 years ago, give or take, I was invited to a friends house for dinner and a movie, there were several of us their. A couple of my friends wives wanted to watch Unfaithful, they were Richard Gere fans I suppose, so that is where I saw it. Well most of it, I found it hard to watch as well.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I hated _Unfaithful_ for a long time. But I have actually changed my mind on that one, because that movie shows the truth about affairs: affairs can happen to anyone, and they are not necessarily the result of a poor marriage or of a partner not getting his/her needs met. 

Affairs are normally a result of opportunity combined with lust. 

_Leaving_ was a messed up movie. The wife cheated and blew up her family. The husband was a boss and did a total 180 and did what we always tell husbands to do. And at the end of the movie she shot him to death.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I was reading around the web & women were talking about "The most romantic character" from literature/movies HEATHCLIFF....How every woman should find her Heathcliff. Yeh. Would be great to be his WIFE! I guess they meant they wanted to be the MOW Cathy!!

Infidelity has been romantasized for a long time. Forbidden love. Stories end with "....& they all lived happily ever after". At least some writers are trying to capture the truth, the horror, the reality changing nightmare of adultery now.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

totalfive21 said:


> Before my H's affair, I really enjoyed the movie "Waitress", with Keri Russell. Kind of dark comedy about a young woman in an abusive relationship, who seeks solace in an affair with her obstetrician when she gets pregnant. They portrayed the relationship between Keri Russell's character and her doctor so sweetly, and you felt she deserved happiness because of what a jerk her husband was.
> 
> But they totally glossed over how the doctor had a loving wife (they showed her briefly toward the end of the movie), and how her life is now destroyed whether she ever finds out or not.
> 
> ...


It is not unusual,especially when a female protagonist cheats in a movie or TV show,to see the husband portrayrd as abusive or neglectful. This type of portrayal contributes to outsiders thinking that if a spouse cheats,something bad about the BSdrove him or her to it.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

How about the other Diane Lane adultery move, besides Unfaithful----A WALK ON THE MOON----that brings it all out


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

I always felt Bridges of ******* County was one of the biggest offenders in justifying and romanticizing cheating.
The audience was supposed to like the two cheaters and look upon the husband as so limited and deficient.
How about "Descendants"?
I liked that the kis's viewpoint was depicted,and the OM's wife's,as well. And,although imperfect,Clooney' character was a good guy.
Intersting to me is how ,even if the BS is not portrayed as monstrous,most movies do show the imperfections as a possible justification for cheating. It is as if we are being told that unless we are perfect in every way,we should not expect fidelity.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Maxo said:


> How about "Descendants"?
> I liked that the kis's viewpoint was depicted,and the OM's wife's,as well. And,although imperfect,Clooney' character was a good guy.


I caught the last half of the movie and was a bit triggered by it, but then watched the entire movie a few weeks later. In the end I liked it. Normally I'm not a Clooney fan but he did a solid job of portraying the BH. The movie seemed to try to portray betrayal realistically, pulling in such aspects as friends who know but don't tell and also the conflicting feelings of the BH.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Affairs are normally a result of opportunity combined with lust.


I'm not disagreeing, but I think there are other factors. I'd write:

Affairs are normally the result of lust combined with opportunity, OR affairs are normally the result of feeling unloved combined with opportunity, OR affairs are normally the result of feeling abandoned combined with opportunity. And so on.

Opportunity can also be a person who is a soft shoulder to cry upon or an affectionate player who knows how to seem to care, or a person who "promises" adventure, love, and respect.

More: the cheating partner often does NOT intend to leave their partner. They are just trying to fix something inside themselves that may or may not have been caused by a spouse. The cheater compartmentalizes. 

Standard Disclaimer: I am NOT providing "excuses" for an affair. I am trying to present reasons often presented by cheaters writing in the various TAM forums.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

All of them are triggers for me. As well as TV shows like Scandal and Mistresses.


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## MovingFrwrd (Dec 22, 2015)

calmwinds said:


> All of them are triggers for me. As well as TV shows like Scandal and Mistresses.



My wife and I used to watch Scandal, Desperate Housewives, and the like all the time. 

No longer. I just can't stomach it. Heck, I had to ask her to turn off Prince's 'rockumentary' on one channel because they were playing a song that she and the OM quoted to each other. Triggers are everywhere...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Can't watch them. There was a show I liked, but when I saw it after I was cheated on, I hated it.


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

I don't trigger too much anymore as my dday was in 1987 and we divorced a year later. However, I can still feel the same emotions sometimes when I watch certain movies or TV shows. 

I've watched about every show on the subject. I like shows that show the effect or consequences of infidelity. I also like finding the exact point that the spouse went past boundaries. In other words, it intrigues me to see the process of how they got into it and what potentially they could have done to prevent it.

For instance, in _Unfaithful_, she should have taken that cab. In_ A Walk on the Moon_, (what's up with the Diane Lane movies?) she should have never made that initial phone call to the blouse man. In _Bright Days Ahead_, she should have not accepted the invitation to go to lunch.

Speaking of _Bright Days Ahead_, I have a general question about infidelity and senior citizens which I'll ask in my next post.


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

I watched _Bright Days Ahead_ a few days ago online. It's an obscure French film with English subtitles. It's about a retired dentist in her late 60s who's meets a 30 something guy who teaches at her senior's center. 

He happens to have a tooth issue and she fixes it at her former office. Out of gratitude, he takes her to lunch. On the way back home, he makes a move in her car and she lets him. The rest of the movie is about their affair. She knows he's a womanizer and that it'll end eventually, and it does.

Before that happens, her husband of 45 years finds out. 

It's a well done movie and not intense at all considering the subject matter. Which is kinda my question:

Do senior's cheat much? I haven't heard many stories about senior citizens cheating at all. This one was a bit implausible as they were 30 years apart but then again the lead actress was extremely attractive even in her late 60s so it wasn't a far stretch. Still I don't hear of many elderly people cheating especially women.

Second, the husband's reaction was interesting. He was definitely pissed but calm. In fact he had known for weeks before even saying anything about it. He was talking with her about being unsure whether he was going to divorce her or not, as they walked arm in arm on the beach. So was his reaction just because he was older, or was it they were married for so long, he just wasn't as fazed as say a young 20 something would be?

Or maybe it's because they're French. Just saying.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

IMO, the absolute WORST movie about infidelity is_ Same Time, Next Year_.

Shows a 26 year affair episodically and makes it seem like such a beautiful and loving relationship.

Makes you want to puke if you have ever been cheated on or come from a family that was torn up by cheating.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

tech-novelist said:


> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same_Time,_Next_Year_(film), which is about a married man and married woman who have an affair that goes on for many years, with one meeting a year.


This was the one i was going to mention. It was my moms favorite movie while i was growing up. I was uncomfortable with the content because my mom and dad were a happy married couple. Come to find out before she met my dad she was the OW in her music teachers affair. She never REALLY ended the affair i guess since they would meet up for lunch about three times a year for over 30 years. i believe without a doubt that my mom pined away for her former lover even when he was nearly 80 years old. She is still married to my dad and called me and cried when she told me he died last year. 

I had just found out about my husbands affair and boy did i let her have it. She has never mentioned her AP to me again. I wont tolerate it. 

Same time next year. What a horrible plot.


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## MovingFrwrd (Dec 22, 2015)

raven3321 said:


> I watched _Bright Days Ahead_ a few days ago online. It's an obscure French film with English subtitles. It's about a retired dentist in her late 60s who's meets a 30 something guy who teaches at her senior's center.
> 
> He happens to have a tooth issue and she fixes it at her former office. Out of gratitude, he takes her to lunch. On the way back home, he makes a move in her car and she lets him. The rest of the movie is about their affair. She knows he's a womanizer and that it'll end eventually, and it does.
> 
> ...


I can't necessarily say seniors 'cheat' much, but I've been in the senior living design business for a long time, and I can say that retirement communities are the new college dorm living. LOTS of getting busy (at least in the independent living sectors.) I would like to think that it's widowers or singles, but I wouldn't be surprised if other hanky panky is going on.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

_Spanglish. _ The chef's (Adam Sandler's) narcissistic (Tea Leoni) wife gets it on with another man, which results in the chef having a brief EA with the Mexican housekeeper (Paz "Yummy" Vega). 

Actually I found myself wishing he would have ridden off into the sunset with that smokin' hot Latina and left that banshee off a wife to her superficial life and crazy mom....


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

Someone mentioned _Same Time Next Year _as a movie that they hated because it glorified affairs. I've never seen it. However, I saw a discussion board about_ Bridges of ******* County_ and for the first time in a long time felt myself getting angry. Almost everyone woman on this particular board loved that movie. They all felt the scene where she had her hand on the door handle as one of the most gut wrenching, emotional scenes of all time. Some commented they could feel the torture as she had to make the decision to stay with her family for leave with the man she "loved". 

I had to stop looking I was so mad. I remember when it came out and thought it was one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood's performances were excellent. But there were no consequences at all. In fact, it was seen as the ultimate romance.

Several of the women on the board mentioned that of course they would never do that to their husbands but they enjoyed the intense emotions depicted. A few women, bless their hearts, did bring up the fact, and I quote "You wouldn't feel that way if you were the one being cheated on". Apparently several of them had husband's who had left them and they really let the other women have it. Like I've said previously, I don't mind the subject matter since obviously life happens. I just hate when the emphasis is on the "romance" between the OM and WW instead of the transgression itself.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

MovingFrwrd said:


> I can't necessarily say seniors 'cheat' much, but I've been in the senior living design business for a long time, and I can say that retirement communities are the new college dorm living. LOTS of getting busy (at least in the independent living sectors.) I would like to think that it's widowers or singles, but I wouldn't be surprised if other hanky panky is going on.


Viagra,et all has caused a spike(pun) in senior cheating. STDs ,too. The Villages in Fla. Is supposed to be a virtual Petri dish.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

@MovingFrwrd, 

The villages in central FL is practically it's own county and it has had the highest STD rates in the country.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Actually the movie Unfaithful caused me to trigger and trigger hard for the first time in years. At one point I stood up shouted [email protected] you at the TV and left the room. Odd to leave the room as I was alone. A month later I joined TAM.

I came to really like Spanglish. It showed the shallow nature of adultey. How it harms all members of a family. The Sandler chacter I came to see as stoic, who in many ways buried his head in the sand to protect his children from their mother. I liked his MIL, she was blunt and real with her daughter. 

I liked the housekeepers daughter. She seemed so like the Sandler chacter. It would have been the most natural thing in the worid to create a blended family. 

But in the end it was about a woman who remained true to herself, but leaving unanswered if the Sandler character did not prusue her out of his fear of failure (his reaction to rave reviews) or a moral one.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

JohnA said:


> Actually the movie Unfaithful caused me to trigger and trigger hard for the first time in years. At one point I stood up shouted [email protected] you at the TV and left the room. Odd to leave the room as I was alone. A month later I joined TAM.


I thought Unfaithful wasn't so bad. It showed just how illusory an affair is, how much Diane Lane's character was living a fantasy and how reality started to slowly chip away at the fantasy. When Richard Gere as the husband found out you could see how much it devastated him, so much so he was ready to kill her.

I didn't care much for the ending however when it turned into a murder cover-up with both of them involved. But again, the idea that they were just going to get past this, leave it all behind and escape to somewhere--Mexico--that was just another fantasy and you could sort of feel it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

PreRaphaelite said:


> I thought Unfaithful wasn't so bad. It showed just how illusory an affair is, how much Diane Lane's character was living a fantasy and how reality started to slowly chip away at the fantasy. When Richard Gere as the husband found out you could see how much it devastated him, so much so he was ready to kill her.
> 
> I didn't care much for the ending however when it turned into a murder cover-up with both of them involved. But again, the idea that they were just going to get past this, leave it all behind and escape to somewhere--Mexico--that was just another fantasy and you could sort of feel it.


There was an alternate ending where he actually walked into the police station to turn himself in.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

The ending and plot of the movie was fair. The adultery and the way she embraced the fantasy triggered me.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

PreRaphaelite said:


> JohnA said:
> 
> 
> > Actually the movie Unfaithful caused me to trigger and trigger hard for the first time in years. At one point I stood up shouted [email protected] you at the TV and left the room. Odd to leave the room as I was alone. A month later I joined TAM.
> ...


Biblically murder is the killing of the innocent, abortion is government sanctioned murder. An AP or WS is not innocent, there by, killing them is just manslaughter....not murder. I would not even convict a BS for it. You screw someone over you best be prepared for the repercussions of your sins.

My sister had an 18no. Affair with a single man. If he was married and his wife killed my sister I would be sad but it would be on my sister.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> Biblically murder is the killing of the innocent, abortion is government sanctioned murder. An AP or WS is not innocent, there by, killing them is just manslaughter....not murder. I would not even convict a BS for it. You screw someone over you best be prepared for the repercussions of your sins.
> 
> My sister had an 18no. Affair with a single man. If he was married and his wife killed my sister I would be sad but it would be on my sister.


Looked like involuntary manslaughter. Possibly could go with some type of insanity defense.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Maxo said:


> Divinely Favored said:
> 
> 
> > Biblically murder is the killing of the innocent, abortion is government sanctioned murder. An AP or WS is not innocent, there by, killing them is just manslaughter....not murder. I would not even convict a BS for it. You screw someone over you best be prepared for the repercussions of your sins.
> ...


I agree 14 days psych observation and release him.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

The one part of _Unfaithful_ that I liked was when Diane Lane's character was having lunch with her busybody girlfriends who were extolling the virtues of cheating. About how it would help their marriages, they deserve it, etc.

And Diane Lane goes off on them. After she realized how destructive it was.


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

marduk said:


> The one part of _Unfaithful_ that I liked was when Diane Lane's character was having lunch with her busybody girlfriends who were extolling the virtues of cheating. About how it would help their marriages, they deserve it, etc.
> 
> And Diane Lane goes off on them. After she realized how destructive it was.


Yeah. I kinda appreciated that scene too. One of her girlfriends comments on how she would do the guy even though she was married with kids, jokingly. The other girlfriend basically let her have it with both barrels. 

What I didn't understand, was the reactions of Diane Lane's character or Richard Gere's upon finding out. He finds out......says nothing. She finds out he knows......says nothing. Their was no real confrontation per se. Their confrontation if you can call it that was more about the murder than her affair. I don't know. He was way too calm for my tastes and took her back way too easily. But then again now that I think about it..........Diane Lane. 'nuf said.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

raven3321 said:


> Yeah. I kinda appreciated that scene too. One of her girlfriends comments on how she would do the guy even though she was married with kids, jokingly. The other girlfriend basically let her have it with both barrels.
> 
> What I didn't understand, was the reactions of Diane Lane's character or Richard Gere's upon finding out. He finds out......says nothing. She finds out he knows......says nothing. Their was no real confrontation per se. Their confrontation if you can call it that was more about the murder than her affair. I don't know. He was way too calm for my tastes and took her back way too easily. But then again now that I think about it..........Diane Lane. 'nuf said.


I thought it was unrealistic, too.

And then I came to TAM and read lots of posts from guys who discovered their wives were having sex with another man, and were afraid to confront -- or rushed into a reconciliation. Before the wife even showed one ounce of remorse.

And vice versa, of course.

I actually understood kinda Gere's response. To go and check the guy out and figure out why his wife would destroy her entire life to get this guy's penis inside of her.

And when he realized that it was simply because the guy was young and hot...

He killed him. Because he could never be young and hot again, and his wife was just a piece of ass to this kid.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

One of the Strangest thing a few months back was a TV show in which the plot involved an affair. The guy who had the affair and ended up dead was the same as my WW affair partner's name. Yeah, it triggered me but I enjoyed the death.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I did rewatch Waiting to Exhale recently. Angela Bassett is a goddess and I do enjoy watching her go bananas on her cheating husband's clothing, car etc. Hehe. Probably not well-advised actions. But very, very satisfying to watch.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

It wasn't really the theme of the movie but I saw it back in French class when I was in college. It was called _The Spanish Apartment_ or _L'auberge espagnole_.

It was basically about a french worker who had to move to Spain for his job for a period of time for work. He winds up having an affair with the wife of a doctor after he befriends the couple. He gets confronted later in the movie during a check up by the doctor but the guy basically just asks him to stop banging his wife. He didn't even seem angry, it was odd.

Another issue is he moves into an apartment with about 4 or 5 other roommates from different European countries. There's a British woman, he's French, a Spanish chick, a German man, and I believe someone else although I'm not sure. 

Anyway the British girl has a one night stand with some obnoxious American oaf only to find out her boyfriend is coming for a surprise visit and will be at the apartment really soon. So all the room mates scramble to provide cover at the last minute and she gets away with cheating on him by the skin of her teeth. The scene is supposed to be comical but I didn't find it funny in the slightest.

I really do wish more movies showed the devastation that infidelity can cause but so often it's romanticized, trivialized or just outright normalized in the media these days.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

PreRaphaelite said:


> I didn't care much for the ending however when it turned into a murder cover-up with both of them involved. But again, the idea that they were just going to get past this, leave it all behind and escape to somewhere--Mexico--that was just another fantasy and you could sort of feel it.


 I don't think that was what that scene meant at all! The fact that he didn't move even though the light turned green and back to red was meant to signify that he wasn't going to run off to Mexico with her. He was going to face what he had done, and she was going to have to face what she had done.


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## CHGUY (Jan 25, 2016)

"They portrayed the relationship between Keri Russell's character and her doctor so sweetly, and you felt she deserved happiness because of what a jerk her husband was.

But they totally glossed over how the doctor had a loving wife (they showed her briefly toward the end of the movie), and how her life is now destroyed whether she ever finds out or not."


Fireproof is another one, who noticed the wife having an emotional affair without ANY consequence. Definitively not informed writers and producers of that movie on the actual theme they tried to portrayed. Do not think it was well thought out, as I can just see my wife watching it and say, "Hey, I REALLY did nothing wrong". Also a doctor in the movie that womanizes all his staff and no one tells his wife. Maybe some liked Fireproof, but the reality is, no important closure on the other side. Last reason I hated the movie is the main character yelled at the doctor "I'm gonna win my wife back". That is Bull dust in the real world? When I confronted the low life (and the most coward person I ever dealt with, besides my FIL) that was busy with my wife my reaction was confrontation and told his wife... Angry now...


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## Emmi (Dec 11, 2015)

I quite liked the other woman. Funny and entertaining, while placing blame where it belongs. Hardly triggered at all watching that one.

I would really like to see a film that portrays the OW in a really negative way, where the wife is the good one and the husband realises what a terrible thing he's done. Please let me know if there's a film like that out there. 

Can't stand to watch films where the BS is supposed to be the bad one. Except from walk the line, that was a good film.

I watched waitress only days after dday, it just happened to be on the tv, most painful film I ever sat through, but still I just couldn't bare to look away.

I feel like it's healthy for me to expose myself to triggers because it helps me go through those emotions and every time they get weaker, also it provides my husband with an opportunity to be there for me and help me heal. But I try to be picky and not watch stuff that makes me feel like ****.


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

Palodyne said:


> I don't think that was what that scene meant at all! The fact that he didn't move even though the light turned green and back to red was meant to signify that he wasn't going to run off to Mexico with her. He was going to face what he had done, and she was going to have to face what she had done.


Wow!! I never noticed that. Dang it. Now I've got to watch it again. That makes perfect sense because in the original, _La Femme Infidele_, the husband, at the end is led off by the police.


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

raven3321 said:


> Wow!! I never noticed that. Dang it. Now I've got to watch it again. That makes perfect sense because in the original, _La Femme Infidele_, the husband, at the end is led off by the police.


 Yeah, that also fits the ending of Unfaithful, because as the camera pans back, it is revealed that the light they were sitting at was in front of a police station. I always interpreted the scene as he was going to turn himself in and she knew it, that is why she was asking him to run away with her and their son.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Palodyne said:


> Yeah, that also fits the ending of Unfaithful, because as the camera pans back, it is revealed that the light they were sitting at was in front of a police station. I always interpreted the scene as he was going to turn himself in and she knew it, that is why she was asking him to run away with her and their son.


An alternate ending shows Gere leaving the car and walking into the station.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

He should walk and she be charged with her lovers death.

Being it is a felony in my state to commit adultry......

She and POSOM are both perpatrators in the commission of a chain of felonies.

If your co-conspirators is killed during a felony...the other perp is charged with the death. 

Kind of like a bank robbery where one perp is killed the other is charged with the death.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> He should walk and she be charged with her lovers death.
> 
> Being it is a felony in my state to commit adultry......
> 
> ...


Hey I've been cheated on and burnt badly but even I don't think someone should be murdered for it.

Nor do I think someone should be jailed for it. 

I do think though that people who are considering an affair should we'll be advised that crimes of passion in such situations are shockingly common.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

CHGUY said:


> "They portrayed the relationship between Keri Russell's character and her doctor so sweetly, and you felt she deserved happiness because of what a jerk her husband was.
> 
> But they totally glossed over how the doctor had a loving wife (they showed her briefly toward the end of the movie), and how her life is now destroyed whether she ever finds out or not."
> 
> ...


Fireproof is a total joke along with Kirk Cameron.

The entire message is that women have affairs because their husbands screw up, and it's their problem to fix it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

marduk said:


> Fireproof is a total joke along with Kirk Cameron.
> 
> The entire message is that women have affairs because their husbands screw up, and it's their problem to fix it.


I actually liked Fireproof. There was more to the movie than just what you stated. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> I actually liked Fireproof. There was more to the movie than just what you stated.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Like what? The religious nonsense?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

There have only been a few movies that were mentioned that I have seen. The ones I actually WATCHED I didn't mind. I saw bits and pieces of Unfaithful and didn't like that one at all. The Keri Russell one, I couldn't follow very well. 

As for Fireproof... I see comments about there not having been consequences. What consequences would anyone want to see from an EA? I mean, the movie ended with them renewing their vows, a new beginning... and they allowed God into their marriage at that point, too. I know that isn't everyone's choice for their lives, but it's something I understand, myself. 

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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

marduk said:


> Like what? The religious nonsense?


Nonsense to you, marduk. Not nonsense to me.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Nonsense to you, marduk. Not nonsense to me.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


My point is that while he found God, forgiveness, and took all the accountability, all his space cadet of a wife did is sit there and point fingers.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

marduk said:


> My point is that while he found God, forgiveness, and took all the accountability, all his space cadet of a wife did is sit there and point fingers.


Until the end, and she did see what she was doing was wrong. He took accountability for the things he had not been doing BEFORE she got involved with the doctor. And he started doing things for her, things she had nagged him about for years. And she was floored. Idk. I guess I saw the plot differently than you because of my own belief in God? 

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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Until the end, and she did see what she was doing was wrong. He took accountability for the things he had not been doing BEFORE she got involved with the doctor. And he started doing things for her, things she had nagged him about for years. And she was floored. Idk. I guess I saw the plot differently than you because of my own belief in God?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


What I saw was a judgemental woman totally incapable of accountability or introspection.

And used her faith to get what she wanted from everyone around her.

To be honest, I couldn't get through it all without skipping parts, both her and Kirk Cameron made me sick. 

It sure left me wondering when she would find herself another man and use whatever flaws he had as justification for it.

She should have had her ass dumped by him, not rolled out the red carpet to be walked on by him. That's for sure.

Interesting that they seemed to realize how weak Cameron's character was, and tried to use him as a fireman to balance him out.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I agree... she WAS like that in the beginning. But she, as well as he, had no faith/belief in God in the beginning, either. When she got sick and he took care of her, she couldn't fathom WHY, when she had been so horrible to him. Then she found the book he had been reading, etc. 

I do understand what you're saying, marduk. I just saw it differently. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> I agree... she WAS like that in the beginning. But she, as well as he, had no faith/belief in God in the beginning, either. When she got sick and he took care of her, she couldn't fathom WHY, when she had been so horrible to him. Then she found the book he had been reading, etc.
> 
> I do understand what you're saying, marduk. I just saw it differently.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


From my perspective, she had neither faith nor love in the beginning, middle, nor end of the movie.

She didn't lift one finger to make her marriage better. It was all "pay for my mom's medical bills" and "you suck at everything."

And she was happy as hell to get swept off her feet by a doctor because... Well, insert whatever random reasons you want. But the reality is she just clearly wanted him. A married OM, to boot.

Her character was a child.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> He should walk and she be charged with her lovers death.
> 
> Being it is a felony in my state to commit adultry......
> 
> ...


Felony Murder theory does not work in this one, IMO. But, an interesting take. Felony was not taking place, at the time. It had already taken place and the particular act that the guy was engaged in at the time of the death was not an element of the felony. 
Good issue spotting.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

the guy said:


> Granted ....hanging out here at TAM ....I read a lot of things I wish I could un-read,



This is why I took a break from here for a long time. It is nice to be back, though.


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

Another interesting take on adultery was the movie _Adore_. If you haven't seen it, it's about 2 women who are lifelong friends both in their early forties. Both are married with 18 year old sons who are also best friends. One husband dies. The son of the widow, out of nowhere, starts an affair with the other son's mom. The other son realizes what his mom has done and promptly marches over to the over home and starts an affair with the other mom. I'll leave it at that in case you want to view it.

The weird part, is the film is more concerned about the betrayal of friendship than the marriage that's being betrayed. The husband is almost an afterthought. In fact, he's in the movie almost till the end, clueless. Then the next scene fast forwards 2 years and they're divorced with no mention why. Anyone else see this film?


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## Emmi (Dec 11, 2015)

When it came to fireproof I found it really hard to get past the terrible acting, and all that came with that, like how they couldn't use the word porn, and how unnatural the arguments seemed. 

I don't however see the plot in the same way as you, and think the film could be better if it was made by someone else with better actors and a higher budget. I think the point was that they both made mistakes and were in the wrong. But that if you really want to change things around you can, even if the other person is resisting. I could just as well have been the wife who put in the work, but she just wasn't the main character. 

I did watch the whole film, but it was a challenge considering how bad the acting was...


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> Nonsense to you, marduk. Not nonsense to me.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Fireproof, Waitress, Bridges and a host of other movies are prime examples of how some folks seem to need to believe that if a woman cheats, her husband is either an abuser or is a dim witted emotional infant who cannot meet her more evolved and sophisticated needs.
And, I bet there are movies where the revers is true, as well, where the cheating husband has been nagged or deprived of sex, or his wife has ballooned in weight or something.
It does seem more rare to me ( but, it could be due to my sensitivity on this) that the male cheating spouse is viewed as justified vs the woman being justified.
I think it may be due to society's refusal to accept that woman are not the kinder, gentler sex and that they do have sexual appetites every bit as voracious as men.

I was talking to a guy , a friend, yesterday about this and he absolutely refuses to believe that women have the same type of sex drives as men or that they care bout a man's physical appearance, as well as his money and status in making their decisions on who to bed. He accepts the money status thing but could not accept that they cared about looks very much.
Of course, he is not the best looking guy and his wife is refusing to have sex with him, largely, IMO, because he makes almost no effort to contribute to the family financially and his wife works her ass off and makes good $$.
He needs to believe that his wife has no desire for him because she has a low sex drive:surprise:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

@Maxo, my post that you quoted was in response to marduk's comment about "religious nonsense". It may be nonsense to him (and you?), but it is not nonsense to me. And that's why I say there was more to Fireproof than the emotional affair of the wife. 

FWIW, I completely agree with you on the rest of your post regarding societal views on women.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Has anyone seen the recent movie starring George Clooney, called  The Descendents?

I haven't yet seen it but would like to, but I don't really want to trigger! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

raven3321 said:


> Another interesting take on adultery was the movie _Adore_. If you haven't seen it, it's about 2 women who are lifelong friends both in their early forties. Both are married with 18 year old sons who are also best friends. One husband dies. The son of the widow, out of nowhere, starts an affair with the other son's mom. The other son realizes what his mom has done and promptly marches over to the over home and starts an affair with the other mom. I'll leave it at that in case you want to view it.
> 
> The weird part, is the film is more concerned about the betrayal of friendship than the marriage that's being betrayed. The husband is almost an afterthought. In fact, he's in the movie almost till the end, clueless. Then the next scene fast forwards 2 years and they're divorced with no mention why. Anyone else see this film?


Yep. I saw it. Pissed me off. 

Typical way Hollywood deals with infidelity. The women deserved to be happy, regardless of how they wrecked their families.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Has anyone seen the recent movie starring George Clooney, called  The Descendents?
> 
> I haven't yet seen it but would like to, but I don't really want to trigger! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. It is very good. 

Clooney is a good actor and I like to watch him. He plays the character very sympathetically and it is a very sad story. Even though I think Clooney is a doosh in real life, I respect him as an actor.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Maxo said:


> Fireproof, Waitress, Bridges and a host of other movies are prime examples of how some folks seem to need to believe that if a woman cheats, her husband is either an abuser or is a dim witted emotional infant who cannot meet her more evolved and sophisticated needs.
> And, I bet there are movies where the revers is true, as well, where the cheating husband has been nagged or deprived of sex, or his wife has ballooned in weight or something.
> It does seem more rare to me ( but, it could be due to my sensitivity on this) that the male cheating spouse is viewed as justified vs the woman being justified.
> I think it may be due to society's refusal to accept that woman are not the kinder, gentler sex and that they do have sexual appetites every bit as voracious as men.



This is the reason why I changed my mind on _Unfaithful_, because it accurately shows that adultery can be random, and not necessarily the product of a bad relationship or one spouse not meeting the needs of the other. Adultery can often strike the healthiest of marriages, where both spouses love each other and are essentially "good" people.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> @Maxo, my post that you quoted was in response to marduk's comment about "religious nonsense". It may be nonsense to him (and you?), but it is not nonsense to me. And that's why I say there was more to Fireproof than the emotional affair of the wife.
> 
> FWIW, I completely agree with you on the rest of your post regarding societal views on women.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


No problem. I am not , myself, religious. But, I respect the views of others on this highly personal belief system.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Has anyone seen the recent movie starring George Clooney, called  The Descendents?
> 
> I haven't yet seen it but would like to, but I don't really want to trigger! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pretty good movie. Shows how the kids are affected, as well. Also shows how the cheater's dad has no clue what a sociopath he raised.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> This is the reason why I changed my mind on _Unfaithful_, because it accurately shows that adultery can be random, and not necessarily the product of a bad relationship or one spouse not meeting the needs of the other. Adultery can often strike the healthiest of marriages, where both spouses love each other and are essentially "good" people.


Wait a minute. Good people lie and cheat and abuse their spouses and kids? They squander family resources, including time, as well as money chasing strange? I am not following, obviously. People that love their spouse expose them to STD's, risk getting pregnant etc?
Geez, I must be a veritable saint, then, as despite all my failings. I have not gone that far.
I forgot,Hitler liked his German Shepherd. So,I guess you are right. Good guy .. Just made some bad choices.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Maxo said:


> Wait a minute. Good people lie and cheat and abuse their spouses and kids? They squander family resources, including time, as well as money chasing strange? I am not following, obviously. People that love their spouse expose them to STD's, risk getting pregnant etc?
> Geez, I must be a veritable saint, then, as despite all my failings. I have not gone that far.
> I forgot,Hitler liked his German Shepherd. So,I guess you are right. Good guy .. Just made some bad choices.


Um....okay...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *Has anyone seen the recent movie starring George Clooney, called  The Descendents?
> 
> I haven't yet seen it but would like to, but I don't really want to trigger! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've seen it 3 times now in hotels. Yeah, this job is glamorous!

The first time I triggered some. The second time I enjoyed it and saw a lot more of the details. I think the got it pretty accurately. The third time there was nothing new to get from it.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> This is the reason why I changed my mind on _Unfaithful_, because it accurately shows that adultery can be random, and not necessarily the product of a bad relationship or one spouse not meeting the needs of the other. Adultery can often strike the healthiest of marriages, where both spouses love each other and are essentially "good" people.


I agree. There is no such thing as affair proofing a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

marduk said:


> I agree. There is no such thing as affair proofing a marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think adultery only strikes marriage where the cheater has always had this within him or her, a character flaw or personality disorder that has been masked during courtship. I have found, in many cases, when one has access to the cheater's life history (in my case though her family members and some of her old friends that came forward after discovery) that you will uncover a past that includes a lot of dysfunction, lying, and cheating. It may not be in the sexual fidelity arena, although in my case it was. 
But, seldom, IMO, does this proclivity for dishonesty and lack of empathy just up and rear its ugly head in adulthood.
No, affairs do not strike healthy marriages, IMO, as that requires two healthy individuals. In those marriages that appeared to be healthy and then cheating occurs, the "health' was an illusion with one person possessing an underlying disorder buried until an opportune time. This, typically surfaces when the cheater becomes bored or dissatisfied and an opportunity presents itself.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Maxo said:


> No, affairs do not strike healthy marriages, IMO, as that requires two healthy individuals. In those marriages that appeared to be healthy and then cheating occurs, the "health' was an illusion with *one person possessing an underlying disorder buried until an opportune time*. This, typically surfaces when the cheater becomes bored or dissatisfied and an opportunity presents itself.


Well if this is the case, then NO marriage is truly healthy. Because everyone... everyone... has hidden baggage and hang-ups that they keep hidden, deny or suppress around their partner. 

So maybe instead of "healthy" marriages, we all need to strive for "honest" marriages, where the spouses are coldly honest with each other and forthright about their hangups, as well as their their dislikes about their spouse.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Fatal Attraction, that should scare some people into never having an affair!!!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Maxo said:


> I think adultery only strikes marriage where the cheater has always had this within him or her, a character flaw or personality disorder that has been masked during courtship. I have found, in many cases, when one has access to the cheater's life history (in my case though her family members and some of her old friends that came forward after discovery) that you will uncover a past that includes a lot of dysfunction, lying, and cheating. It may not be in the sexual fidelity arena, although in my case it was.
> But, seldom, IMO, does this proclivity for dishonesty and lack of empathy just up and rear its ugly head in adulthood.
> No, affairs do not strike healthy marriages, IMO, as that requires two healthy individuals. In those marriages that appeared to be healthy and then cheating occurs, the "health' was an illusion with one person possessing an underlying disorder buried until an opportune time. This, typically surfaces when the cheater becomes bored or dissatisfied and an opportunity presents itself.


Disagree, unless you consider the vast majority of people unhealthy.

I've read recent studies that indicate 75-80% of people do not cheat for the sole reason that they are afraid they'd get caught.

Remove that fear, and 75-80% of people would cheat.

Affairs happen to healthy marriages and healthy people. For example, I could have cheated on my wife easily... While getting clean bills of health from both IC and MCs. Without getting caught, just for the fun of it.

I didn't, because I chose not to. I appear to be part of the 20-25% who think that way... But I am in the minority.

Most people given the chance with an attractive partner and little chance of getting caught would have a fling. The majority.

It's just human nature. People like to get laid.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

*This is Where I leave You* is a movie I found particularly heartbreaking, even though it is a semi-comedy. It is about a husband (Jason Bateman) who comes home to find his wife having energetic sex with his boss in the marital bed. He leaves her, and later she comes back and tells him she is pregnant with his baby, but is going ahead and pursuing a relationship with the boss. The boss is a class-A douche-bag of course. The rest of the family is in turmoil right after the patriarch dies. It is a Comedy of Errors film that I found very unfunny, because half of the characters were either cheating or wanting to cheat.

Women will love this film because it has Tina Fey and Jane Fonda in it. Two females who are peerless...I guess...


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Well if this is the case, then NO marriage is truly healthy. Because everyone... everyone... has hidden baggage and hang-ups that they keep hidden, deny or suppress around their partner.
> 
> So maybe instead of "healthy" marriages, we all need to strive for "honest" marriages, where the spouses are coldly honest with each other and forthright about their hangups, as well as their their dislikes about their spouse.


I am not talking quirks, fears, phobias, hang ups etc.
I am talking about serious dysfunction, like habitual lying, past adultery, stealing, etc.


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> *This is Where I leave You* is a movie I found particularly heartbreaking, even though it is a semi-comedy. It is about a husband (Jason Bateman) who comes home to find his wife having energetic sex with his boss in the marital bed. He leaves her, and later she comes back and tells him she is pregnant with his baby, but is going ahead and pursuing a relationship with the boss. The boss is a class-A douche-bag of course. The rest of the family is in turmoil right after the patriarch dies. It is a Comedy of Errors film that I found very unfunny, because half of the characters were either cheating or wanting to cheat.
> 
> Women will love this film because it has Tina Fey and Jane Fonda in it. Two females who are peerless...I guess...


I saw this movie twice and enjoyed it. Obviously the husband walking in on the wife mid-coitus was jolting to say the least. And he was trying to surprise her for her birthday with a cake. However, I did like the fact that it at least portrayed the devastation both of the husband and to a degree the wife upon being caught. He left her and she continued trying to call him afterward. Even after finding out about her pregnancy and agreeing to co-parent the baby, he made it clear he wasn't going to marry her again but would be pursuing a new relationship.

I wasn't clear if Tina Fey's character cheated or not. I know her first love was the disabled guy across the street. If memory serves me correctly, her husband left her?...or she left him? Help me out here.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

marduk said:


> Disagree, unless you consider the vast majority of people unhealthy.
> 
> I've read recent studies that indicate 75-80% of people do not cheat for the sole reason that they are afraid they'd get caught.
> 
> ...


Guess it depends on what you consider healthy. Someone who cheats lacks integrity and is not healthy,IMO. There are many honest ways to get laid.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

raven3321 said:


> I saw this movie twice and enjoyed it. Obviously the husband walking in on the wife mid-coitus was jolting to say the least. And he was trying to surprise her for her birthday with a cake. However, I did like the fact that it at least portrayed the devastation both of the husband and to a degree the wife upon being caught. *He left her and she continued trying to call him afterward. Even after finding out about her pregnancy and agreeing to co-parent the baby, he made it clear he wasn't going to marry her again but would be pursuing a new relationship.*


Yeah he did it the TAM way.  And I like the fact that the character didn't take her bullsh!t excuses for cheating. He stepped up as father of the baby, but moved on to a new woman. 

I'm not a big Jason Bateman fan. He's the kind of metrosexual actor I despise, and he takes on wussy roles, like he did in _*Extract*_ where his character essentially paid a guy to have sex with his b!tchy wife.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

The Girl on the Train - This one isn't a movie yet (coming this fall apparently), but it was an award winning audiobook (based on an actual book) that I recently purchased with a Audible credit based on the award it got. So far, it's actually pretty riveting..

..but dang is it chock full of infidelity.. One ladies (now ex) husband was cheating on her, another lady is a serial cheater throughout her life. She knows it's wrong but she knows she can hide it from her husband and she does it because she "deserves" it. Ooof... some trigger moments in there.. 

I'm not even close to done with it yet and I've yet to see how much the infidelity plays a part in the plot in general - my guess is a lot - but dang some of it is a bit hard to hear.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Wuthering Heights?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Runs like Dog said:


> Wuthering Heights?


Jane Eyre also. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

Last night I was watching the Johnny Depp comedy Mortdecai. It was funny and I was enjoying it, although, Ewan McGregor was constantly though the movie trying to seduce Mortdecai's wife. Mortdecai had a manservant, Jock, who always got laid everywhere they went. It was an ongoing joke that even I laughed at. However, on a flight to Los Angeles Mortdecai caught Jock coming out of the plane bathroom, a few seconds later a pretty young brunette emerged from the same stall as Jock, pulling her skirt down. OK, running joke made, I laughed. But Mortdecai watched her return to her seat, where a young husband with a newborn was so happy mommy was back.

The movie stopped there for me. What is funny about a man, with a young wife and newborn baby, having his wife cheat on him with a random stranger in a airplane bathroom? Who writes this crap? And a more disturbing question....Who finds that funny?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Palodyne said:


> Last night I was watching the Johnny Depp comedy Mortdecai. It was funny and I was enjoying it, although, Ewan McGregor was constantly though the movie trying to seduce Mortdecai's wife. Mortdecai had a manservant, Jock, who always got laid everywhere they went. It was an ongoing joke that even I laughed at. However, on a flight to Los Angeles Mortdecai caught Jock coming out of the plane bathroom, a few seconds later a pretty young brunette emerged from the same stall as Jock, pulling her skirt down. OK, running joke made, I laughed. But Mortdecai watched her return to her seat, where a young husband with a newborn was so happy mommy was back.
> 
> The movie stopped there for me. What is funny about a man, with a young wife and newborn baby, having his wife cheat on him with a random stranger in a airplane bathroom? Who writes this crap? And a more disturbing question....Who finds that funny?


Hollywood.

This is why people are sick of Hollywood-made films. They're garbage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Hollywood.
> 
> This is why people are sick of Hollywood-made films. They're garbage.


And there's a chance that somewhere, sometime, that story, or something very similar, actually happened.

Writers are like those electromagnet grabs at junk yards, they pick up a piece of junk and it gets turned into something else.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Palodyne said:


> Last night I was watching the Johnny Depp comedy Mortdecai. It was funny and I was enjoying it, although, Ewan McGregor was constantly though the movie trying to seduce Mortdecai's wife. Mortdecai had a manservant, Jock, who always got laid everywhere they went. It was an ongoing joke that even I laughed at. However, on a flight to Los Angeles Mortdecai caught Jock coming out of the plane bathroom, a few seconds later a pretty young brunette emerged from the same stall as Jock, pulling her skirt down. OK, running joke made, I laughed. But Mortdecai watched her return to her seat, where a young husband with a newborn was so happy mommy was back.
> 
> The movie stopped there for me. What is funny about a man, with a young wife and newborn baby, having his wife cheat on him with a random stranger in a airplane bathroom? Who writes this crap? And a more disturbing question....Who finds that funny?


Ugh. Flashback.

Back when I was with the ex-wife and times were bad I had to go on a trip for work.

And I actually saw this happen. Not with a kid, but each person was on the plane with their spouse. 

And they scuttle off to the bathroom together, and then sit back down with their doting spouse. Sickening. I'll never forget it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Such people are goats. Not human.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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