# Couples Therapy



## Faith2011

Has anyone had success with couples therapy? My husband is pushing for a divorce but I think the right therapist may help us to talk through some of our differences. Just wondering if anyone has any experience with successful therapy when their partner has resisted.


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## Amplexor

My wife was initially against it but I made an appointment for myself for individual counseling. She agreed after that and we went for about 5 months. It helped but was not the complete solution. There were many other issues we had to address on our own but eventually we found our way through to a happy marriage again. Counseling can help but don't bet the farm it will be the total solution.


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## anx

Yes, my MC story is in my profile. I agree with amplexor. MC is not the whole solution. A stack of books and persistence through very hard times are needed.


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## Faith2011

I found a male therapist who can see us next week. I think my husband will be more receptive with a guy. My husband is sleeping elsewhere but he visits almost every day. I have a feeling he is going to be against going. Any ideas on how I should approach the subject?


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## Niceguy13

Faith2011 said:


> I found a male therapist who can see us next week. I think my husband will be more receptive with a guy. My husband is sleeping elsewhere but he visits almost every day. I have a feeling he is going to be against going. Any ideas on how I should approach the subject?


Do you have children together if so tell him you wouldlike to start going because you two are having problems communiating and because of the children divorce or not you two need to communicate with each other until at the very least the children are grown.


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## Faith2011

No, we don't have kids. Its just hard because in the past, each time we would visit our former therapist, he was always much more positive after. I am not expecting a miracle but there are some things he needs to hear from both me and the Dr. about why all of this is happening. He has just been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and everything I read about how it impacts a marriage is textbook to what has happened to us. The therpaist I found is a psychologist too, so he will be much more insightful about things. I just have to pick my moment, I think. It's so hard because he says he doesn't want to work on it..yet how am I going to explain a visit to a therapist if that isn't my goal?


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## Duddy

As professional counselor who has worked to stabilize many distressed marriages, I would recommend that you attend evidence-based marital therapy if you can. I've worked with couples who presented as literally heading for divorce because of deep and prolonged emotional injuries (affairs, protracted criticism/defense/stonewalling communication cycles etc). 

With the right marital therapy, couples who reported having fallen out of love and worse, can learn how to love more deeply then ever before. They repair and rebuild their marriages so that they are healthy and long lasting again. It takes a lot of work and the right counseling strategies (science based in most cases). 

I advise highly distressed couples to get to a fully trained EFT (emotion focused therapy) marital therapy or to a fully trained Gottman therapist (you can find links online; search for Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. John Gottman online to find their sites. Their main therapy websites outline their research and outcomes and have find therapy page. 

I strongly recommend and have often referred to EFT. 90% of couples benefit as measured at 5 year follow up in as little as 7 sessions. Insurance companies love EFT because it's science proven to get results.

Present the idea of marital therapy to your partner as making sure to get the best available third party (therapeutic) advice on the extent to which your marriage can be saved and how to separate in a way that is least harmful to all involved. 

Don't push the save marriage message. Acknowledge your partners emotional distress by recognizing that the relationship may be over. just do what you can to get to therapy. 

An fully trained EFT therapist will ideally be able to help you explore the implications of ADHD for an optimal evidence based marital intervention. 

Let me know if I can share any further information to help save your marriage.

- Duddy.


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## cisco7931

I have the same situation, I've done 1-1 MC, our marriage is over just last night, but I have the same question as the TS:

How do you invite a wife to attend an MC if you are almost certain she will disagree, and, when is the right time?


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## cisco7931

same question here, has anyone tried this? I'm thinking that therapy with someone not fully interested will not be successfull...


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## outofideas2

I can't say for sure as My wife and I have only been to one counseling session together with a priest and that went no where. We didn't even talk about our marriage but more about alcoholism. 

I have a MC session setup for this thursday and have invited my wife but not sure whether she's going to attend or not but I will be going. I'll let you know how it goes

I'm the WS for what its worth


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