# Small Update



## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Hello dear friends...

It has been quite a while since I last posted something, that would be a few months ago and I thought of giving you an update on the situation here.

The last time I posted, someone asked if I might be clinically depressed. I was and went all the way down and hit the bottom. On numerous occasions I considered the unthinkable and I had a few options to carry out my task. I could see no end in sight, no solution, no logical explanation to all she did and how I felt and how to get better. I felt alone and saw no purpose to my life except caring for my daughter. At times, that was the only reason that got me going and gave me somewhat of a glimmer of hope. It was very difficult to even smile to my little one, or entertain her when she needed attention and wanted me to play or do things with her. As a former military and martial artist, my past trainings kept my mind working semi automatically and gave me some strength to continue "Because I must....". Some days, I just felt like a robot, dazed, numb and wondering why? I never found the "magic pill" I was so desperately looking for.

I eventually started therapy sessions with a psychologist, in addition to the by-weekly discussions with my family doctor (1-1.5 hr). My doc prescribed me some relaxant so I could fall asleep more easily and not be so anxious. I guess recuperating all that lost sleep as helped me a lot. Don't feel so much anxiety anymore and have TONS more patience with the little one, even when she is cranky.  I'm a far distance from where I was 10 months ago when I discovered her crap. I still get the occasional sad moments, but I'm gradually getting over it.

I am moving forward toward divorce. This past week-end, I gave her the legal separation agreement. When it is finalized and approved by the court, then I file for divorce based on her infidelity. My lawyer says that if she contest that, we have to prove it to the court. It won't be hard to prove with the evidence I have. I think I will really begin to heal properly once the divorce is finalized.

Just before Christmas, she was here looking for some clothing and, again, she brought up the situation. I sort of told her that after what she had done, I could never trust her or believe anything she says. Her response was "I've done nothing wrong! I was justified in doing what I did! I've done nothing wrong!" I just sigh... At the moment, I didn't think of asking her who she was trying to convince, me or herself. Then, the discussion started to heat up and get out of hand, so I asked her to leave, repeatedly. She refused on the grounds that it was also her house. I told her that it his her house, but not her home. I kept insisting and she kept refusing to leave, so I called the police. Within minutes, 2 cruisers were in front of the house. She still refused to leave, so they told her "You leave or we will remove you". She got out of the house and had to answer their questions. That event had the additional consequence of getting the social services involved, because of the little one. She eventually left for her home. While I was answering questions to the officer, she sent me a flurry of nasty text messages. I didn't bother to respond, but I kept them all. I tell you, no one can text faster than a woman who is angry! 

Right now, this is the gist of the situation here. I'm looking forward to the day where I will have my official divorce document in my hands. Is reconciliation possible? Never. Do I still hate her like I used to? Not really. I just despise her and can't stand to see her face. I just do what I have to do, in a civilized manner, for the sake of the little one. What gets me though is, every time she has some kind of issue or problem, she text me questions or advice.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice provided since the beginning, it opened my eyes on many things.

As usual, comments and/or questions are welcome. 


Original story:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/52986-good-bad-ugly.html


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

This is a Good update


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Good to see you moving on. One step at a time.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Just remembered that you exposed to her family through a translator. The only thing that got a reaction out of her. Best thing you did through this whole mess


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Yes, exposing her to her family and relatives is the only thing that got a reaction out of her about what she's done.

Beside that, she still says she was justified and keeps telling me to get over it and move on with my life. I don't think she has any empathy for anyone but herself. I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. I just wish I could get her out of my head though. Every time I see her, because of the little one, I get irritated and she can't leave quickly enough. I'm still irritated for a few hours afterward. How do I stop being affected by her presence? I am so tired of being affected by her, to have her affect my mood every time. I want to feel happy in my skin again, like before all this crap blew in my face. I never found the "magic pill" and it will take time to heal properly, but I am tired of this state of mind and, when I get up in the morning, looking forward to go to bed at night. Sigh...

Thanks for listening to my rant...


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