# Ever worked as a Hostess? Not sure if daughter is being lazy.



## Lilyflower (May 15, 2016)

I know there is a parenting forum but it doesn't seem to get much activity and I am sure the ladies forum have a number of women that have worked as a Hostess, but if this needs to be moved I understand.

I have a 19 year old daughter that I have been having trouble with in getting and keeping jobs. Last month she got her first job at wal mart as an overnight stocker and she was working in dairy but she hated it, she would cry before she left for work and even many times after she got off, she kept complaining about the lifting saying "I have to lift 10-20 lbs of dairy and just generally did not like the job. I told her she should try to stick with it, she was getting $9.50 an hour and would get more once she completed her computer classes they have you take and were about to cross-train her to do cashiering when needed for the night but after just two weeks she up and quit.

Didn't even call to say she was quitting just didn't go back in. I was at first upset she quit so early but I thought well, maybe lifting dairy was to much but told her she needed to get a new job, which she did 3 days ago as a Hostess for a restaurant and since then she's been having an attitude saying she is to exhausted from the work to do anything else and gets upset if I ask her to do anything. She works 4 days a week, 5-9:30. 

Now I have never been a Hostess before but is it really that exhausting or is my daughter just lazy? Seriously, she gets home from work, goes to bed then wakes up acting like some real old lady, she was even telling me her body hurts and aches. 

Thoughts?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

What are her consequences for not having a job?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

How does she make her way in life at 19 without steady income?


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Lilyflower said:


> Seriously, she gets home from work, goes to bed then wakes up acting like some real old lady, she was even telling me her body hurts and aches.
> 
> Thoughts?


I think you should take this seriously; your daughter is only 19 but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have something wrong with her health. Crying before and after work, sleeping so much and having body aches are physical symptoms and can indicate a serious problem.

It's really cruel to be called lazy when you are actually sick. She may have a thyroid problem or an auto-immune condition that has yet to be diagnosed.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I was a hostess a long time ago, when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I worked 8-10 hour shifts. No it was not exahuasting for me to be on my feet that long. But then again it was nothing for me to walk or hike for miles just for the fun of it.

If your daughter is not used to physical activity, being on her feet for 4 hours at a time could be exhausting. As someone else said she could also have some physical or emotional problem. Can you get her to a doctor and have her checked out. Tell the doc about her being exhausted from work and her crying so much.

She might be lazy, she might not.

I have a step son who is very lazy about working. He cannot make it through a shift of work (any kind of work) without being totally whipped out. But he can party for hours, hike with his friends for hours, and do plenty of physical things. He's quite frankly, just not interested in working for a living.

You will need to put some effort into figuring out if your daughter has a legitimate issue or if she is just one of those people who does not want to work.

What does she do with her time when she is not working?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

My entire extended family owns restaurants, the easiest job in a restaurant is Hostess. I used to do it as a teenager, you stand there and walk people to their tables answer the phone and take reservations. In a good restaurant the servers share their tips with the hostess. It sounds like your daughter is being lazy, but like others pointed out she could have medical issues.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

If she is unused to physical labor and/or has a physical or mental issue, then yes it could be pretty exhausting. I'm only in my 30s but recently started teaching part-time. I'd say it is a comparable level of activity to hostess - no to limited heavy lifting, but on your feet all day. It is exhausting, but incredibly fulfilling. The 4 or 5 hours I go in a day IS very tiring. If it is a busy restaurant, it can be a somewhat tiring position but not as tiring as a cook, bartender, waiter etc. Is it maybe that she is unfulfilled? That can be a bit of a motivation factor.

Maybe the emotional toll of dealing with the customers' moods/hissy fits if there is a delay in seating when the restaurant is busy etc. is too much? Would she be more comfortable in a position that has less contact with others? Maybe check out those issues first. If there aren't any underlying emotional or physical issues, then she may just be a bit immature, a bit unsure of herself and/or possibly a bit lazy, which is kind of an issue of a lot of people that age.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I've been a hostess. I taught elementary school all day then was a hostess a few evenings a week and during the day on the weekends. Working 2 jobs was a little tiring, both on my feet the whole time. I'm not particularly physically hardy and I did just fine.

Is your daughter a princess type who doesn't like to be uncomfortable? I don't mean that disrespectfully, hopefully you know what I mean. Either she just doesn't like when she is being a little physically taxed, or she has a health issue I'd think.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

My first inclination was that it's an age/maturity thing. What others said about a medical issue could be true, though.

In any case, I have a 15, almost 16 year old here at home. When he has to do something he doesn't want to do, it's like it's the worst thing in the world.

He's started looking for summer jobs, but he also refuses to apply at many places, like McDonald's. He readily admits he thinks he's too good for them. This despite never having been employed before.

15 minutes of vacuuming/cleaning his room = torture
Football practice = torture (it kind of is...)
Studying for a test for a 1/2 hour = torture

3 hours at army cadets simulating boot camp exercises = awesome!
A 12 hour shift slinging tires with his grandfather on bring your child to work day = awesome!

My point is - when you're young and inexperienced in the work world, or just life in general, it's all about fun, and not about working hard or earning $$. That doesn't describe all people under 20, of course. There are plenty of hardworking and determined people that age.

But I see more and more kids that age thinking they're too good for this job, or that job, or that one is boring or "hard". Well, yeah. Most jobs one gets at that age are entry-level (or below), laborious, and often demeaning. Over worked and under paid. Taken for granted. Given the crappy tasks.

My step son has already determined, in his own mind, that he should get a better job than McDonald's or any other fast food place, and he'd rather be unemployed than work there.

Provided her issues aren't physical or mental, the issue is likely that she doesn't have to WORK for a living - yet - therefore she doesn't know what work IS. Too many people that age see it as a social thing with the bonus of having a few bucks to buy shoes, the latest phone, or beer with.

The impetus to work at that age is driven by reward, not necessity. And if the rewards don't equal the energy taken to achieve them, then they'll quit (or apparently just walk away, never to return).


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

I would get a medical check for her. I hope she is okay.


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## momto2 (Jun 12, 2013)

I have an 18-year-old so I know the complaints. My daughter is always "exhausted" and "stressed out". I'm sure life is exhausting and stressful at that age but it doesn't compare to working full time and taking care of a household full time. I don't think kids know how easy they have it. Is she in college or trade school? I told both of my kids that they either have to be working (and paying rent) or in school once they have graduated H.S. They think I'm "being mean" but I don't want them to get too comfortable and live with me forever. I know some women who are still financially supporting their adult children. I don't plan on doing that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I agree that she needs to rule out medical considerations first... I've not worked as a hostess but I was just speaking with a friend about how we used to work all day, party all night. Getting home from the clubs at 6am then back at work for 9am. Granted, that's not a lifestyle to be role-modeled (going for long hikes like Elegirl sounds the way to go!) but we did have the energy for it back then. Remember when the club stamp wouldn't wash off properly but it was either worn with pride or hidden beneath the work-suit jacket? I digress. 

Once she knows whether her aches and fatigue are health-related or not, maybe she can then discover for herself why having a job is important to her, what she needs from it and the type of work that's going to best suit her physical needs.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

At her age, she should at LEAST be working to pay car insurance and her phone. And figuring out what to do with her life in the meantime.....while she's working. 

Some kids are whiney about ANY job. Jobs are stupid. 

Some community colleges have aptitude tests, she could go and take one of those...even if she didn't graduate highschool..... to see what her strengths and weaknesses are. Maybe she is more number oriented as opposed to people oriented. Maybe what she learns from an aptitude test will help her find her way toward a career. She'll have to work in the meantime. Welcome to adulthood.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Phew... I thought this was a discussion about hostesses as in the Japanese kind! One of my former partners used to be a hostess in a Japanese hostess club and that did involve dates and other things with clients.

Anyway I'll move along now.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Once you rule out medical issues focus on resiliency. Your daughter lacks resiliency in a big way and for the rest of her life she will have crap jobs with crap hours and crap bosses and crap co-workers. With a decent attitude, anyone can make any job a good job to have.

What was good about today. Don't complain about it, focus on what was good.
People who climb mountains do it the same way people walk to the bathroom, one foot in front of the other.

When she cries and whines, leave the room. When she mains about going to work, walk away. 

Sometimes our kids need a good kick in the pants and sometimes they need us to reassure them. Your daughter needs both. "You can do this, I know it's hard but you can do this. Now stop whining and go!"


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

I've been a hostess, it's not that hard. Is she in college or anything else?


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## guy74 (Dec 24, 2015)

That's the easiest job at a restaurant. I did it many summers and evenings as an 18-20 year old.
Plus that is a short shift considering some of the wait staff probably work 8-10 hours.

Good luck.


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## Lilyflower (May 15, 2016)

Very sorry for not replying sooner. Anyway, my daughter did have a medical check up 3 months ago and she was fine. But she is now complaining about this job complaining about the waitress' being rude to her, and she is crying before she has to go to work. Not just that but it has gotten to the point where I do not like taking her out with me because she complains about something! She'll complain about other drivers, about something I did, or anything. I don't give her extra money for clothes or going out, she just has her cell phone and is on that all the time or watching Netflix. And even on her facebook she likes to make posts like "My life sucks" "I just want to die" "This ****** me off!" etc. etc. 

I have and do try to talk to her about whatever is going on but she doesn't like talking to me and getting her to tell me anything is like pulling teeth! She doesn't have her license or a vehicle. I tried before but she said she was to nervous to drive.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Has she ever mentioned a job she thinks she might like?

What about further schooling?


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## Lilyflower (May 15, 2016)

jld said:


> Has she ever mentioned a job she thinks she might like?
> 
> What about further schooling?


No, not really. 

As for schooling I asked her about it and she just said "I'm 19, I'm not supposed to know what I want to do".


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lilyflower said:


> No, not really.
> 
> As for schooling I asked her about it and she just said "I'm 19, I'm not supposed to know what I want to do".


That is indeed not unusual for that age. If she had a goal she were invested in, a lot of your concerns would evaporate, I think. But the goal needs to come from inside her.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Lilyflower said:


> Very sorry for not replying sooner. Anyway, my daughter did have a medical check up 3 months ago and she was fine. But she is now complaining about this job complaining about the waitress' being rude to her, and she is crying before she has to go to work. Not just that but it has gotten to the point where I do not like taking her out with me because she complains about something! She'll complain about other drivers, about something I did, or anything. I don't give her extra money for clothes or going out, she just has her cell phone and is on that all the time or watching Netflix. And even on her facebook she likes to make posts like "My life sucks" "I just want to die" "This ****** me off!" etc. etc.
> 
> I have and do try to talk to her about whatever is going on but she doesn't like talking to me and getting her to tell me anything is like pulling teeth! She doesn't have her license or a vehicle. I tried before but she said she was to nervous to drive.


I encourage you to pursue the medical angle. Lots of people have medical check ups and are told they are fine but are far from fine. Auto-immune conditions are especially difficult to diagnose and they have a tendency to not look too hard at 19 year olds who they expect to be healthy.

Her behaviour is not normal, even for a lazy teenager. I really think there is something wrong.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> I encourage you to pursue the medical angle. Lots of people have medical check ups and are told they are fine but are far from fine. Auto-immune conditions are especially difficult to diagnose and they have a tendency to not look too hard at 19 year olds who they expect to be healthy.
> 
> Her behaviour is not normal, even for a lazy teenager. I really think there is something wrong.


Agree with this. 

In order to check the thyroid, it's a special test that you have to ask for. It won't be checked during a regular check up. It's also difficult to find an autoimmune disease. Many people go undiagnosed for a long time. I would try to look into that. 

Also, does she show other signs of depression? I would not ignore this: "And even on her facebook she likes to make posts like "My life sucks" "I just want to die" "This ****** me off!" etc. etc." It sounds like she is calling out for help. Don't brush it off as just teenage behavior.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lilyflower said:


> Very sorry for not replying sooner. Anyway, my daughter did have a medical check up 3 months ago and she was fine. But she is now complaining about this job complaining about the waitress' being rude to her, and she is crying before she has to go to work. Not just that but it has gotten to the point where I do not like taking her out with me because she complains about something! She'll complain about other drivers, about something I did, or anything. I don't give her extra money for clothes or going out, she just has her cell phone and is on that all the time or watching Netflix. And even on her facebook she likes to make posts like "My life sucks" "I just want to die" "This ****** me off!" etc. etc.
> 
> I have and do try to talk to her about whatever is going on but she doesn't like talking to me and getting her to tell me anything is like pulling teeth! She doesn't have her license or a vehicle. I tried before but she said she was to nervous to drive.



I bet she has generalized anxiety. She thinks people don't like her and are mean to her because she is uber sensitive because she has anxiety. She doesn't want to drive because she has anxiety. She doesn't like going to work because she doesn't feel competent or capable because she has anxiety.

Ask her if she LIKES feeling anxious about things. Ask her if LIKES feeling as if other people are mean to her? Ask her if she knows anyone who seems to never be bothered by other people? She may never be super confident but if she doesn't get a handle on her anxiety her world will continue to shrink; because she avoids what brings her anxiety. New experiences don't open up her eyes, they cause her anxiety.

She needs therapy and maybe meds to treat the anxiety.

Her cell phone is not helping her. I strongly urge you to take her cell phone away for 8 hours every day. Pick the time frame she needs to not be on her cell and stick to it every day.

She also needs to understand that living her life out loud on Facebook is NOT in her best interest. Would you walk into a party and announce that "people suck, life is crap and death sounds easier" because that is essentially what she is doing on Facebook.

Be the parent and set the limits, firmly. Know that as much as she will balk and complain and whine, this is what is best for her.


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## Lilyflower (May 15, 2016)

Question: Are waitress' usually rude to hostess'? Daughter has been saying the waitress' are very mean/rude, saying they yell at her and try to order her around. Even saying "They're all b!tches!".


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Lilyflower said:


> Question: Are waitress' usually rude to hostess'? Daughter has been saying the waitress' are very mean/rude, saying they yell at her and try to order her around. Even saying "They're all b!tches!".


Clearly, that would not be normal and you are here to have your impression confirmed; that your daughter is being very precious.

AnonPink does seem to have it covered and this post fits in very well with what she writes in my opinion.


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

Most of the others advise about a health issue is correct. Get her to a doctor to begin ruling things out. Then investigate the laziness part. At that age I had to work...my parents were divorced and I had to work just to put clothes on my back for school. My first job was a busgirl in a very prestigious hotel restaurant and bar. After I graduated high school I moved to a waitress position. Then I started going to a business school. At 18 and 19 I woke up at 6 every morning, drove half an hour to school, attended school from 8 - 3 (approx), drove home, and at least three to four nights a week I waitressed from 4:30 to approx 10 - 10:30 (weekends were later). Get back up and do it all over again. I waitressed there for the next 5 years, working double shifts, nights, weekends...you name it. And some nights I would go out and party until the cows came home and still found the energy to get up and "do it all over again." I was always on my feet, and I was always on the go. There should be no reason, other than a medical one, that your daughter should not be working to support herself and paying her own bills.


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