# Husband wanted his ex...any advice?



## noone.special (Sep 5, 2015)

Married 10 yrs. 3 kids. I recently (last month)found out he has been secretly talking to an ex behind my back for years now. She lives in another state. I found out he had told her we were divorced but then eventually told her the truth that we were still married. She passed through our city and he got her a hotel room and met up with her on his way to work. I was told they only kissed. Only because her son was there with her. On his way back from work he stopped by again (hotel check out time) kissed good bye. Then she went her way and he came home. He admitted he just wanted to screw her just to do it. But the opportunity wasn't there. Thanks to Verizon's message plus I could retrieve deleted messages....how he wishes he was single...she is so sexy...wants to rip her clothes off...blah blah blah... Yes. We have what I thought was amazing sex almost everyday!! I wait on him hand and foot! I'm not perfect but I try to be. I don't know what I did wrong? Its been almost a month since I found out and Its making me crazy!!! He lost all my trust. I cry all the time..I'm literally going crazy with these images he has put in my head. And the worst part is....she isn't even attractive!!! Makes me feel even worse. He ended up texting her and telling her to delete his number and he was doing the same. That I was his one and only forever. I feel like I should have left just so he could see what he had! I don't know what to do.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your husband has cheated and cheating on you. Don't believe what he tells you. He has a full-blown affair. See a divorce attorney to protect your rights and your children.

You are not at fault. You must hurt tremendously after reading those emails. Sorry you are here.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi, 

Could you clarify the hotel timeline. Unless he works an overnight shift it does not add up. Let me be clear, lots of valid reasons to end a marriage - and right now you have the biggest reason. But there is never an excuse or reason to commit adultery. You will receive a lot of info about red flags, triggers, signs of you must see for a true reconciliation vs a false one, he must do the heavy lifting. All of it true. 

But you also need to know what the pre-adultery state of your marriage. Why? "sadder but wiser" needs to be one of your big goals. If he works overnight it places a tremendous strain on a marriage. What were they? I ask not to validate his adultery, but that you have the knowledge to build a great marriage with a new spouse. 

For example: You know now how dangerous contact with an ex can be. Do you think you will ever make that mistake or tolerate a future spouse to do so?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Wishes to be single... Give him what he wants.

Curious how you found out about all this. Did he just confess? What made you search his Verizon messages?

Just kiss is a lie. He didn't pay for her hotel room to just kiss. Kid in the room or not. And my money says kid wasn't there to begin with. Was she traveling through your town with her kid with no plan, like some kind of vagabond? No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He is lying, ask him to leave and get an attorney asap, sorry this is happening.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you should take back your life, your pride, your self-worth. Eventually you will take back your heart, which he has broken without any real thought to you.

Stand up for yourself. Make him *look* at you. Make him stop seeing you as an obstacle or the reliable background noise.

He wanted her so badly? Tell him he can have her. You'll be surprised how quickly he snaps out of his fantasy and discovers his family.

Don't let him devalue you. You're allowing him to stroke his ego by believing that he is desired by two women. Don't do this. Tell him that you don't want a liar and cheat for a husband. What woman wants that?

Look up the 180 and implement it. It will help you gain some strength.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

noone.special said:


> I recently (last month)found out he has been secretly talking to an ex behind my back for years now.


I'm sorry about your situation and I understand how you would want to salvage the marriage, but you must align your mind and heart with the harsh reality that he's been cheating on you for years. 

This indicates he has a long term emotional (besides sexual) relationship with his ex and thus it's almost impossible for you to reconcile with him. Often, by the time you start to comprehend your situation you will start to realize you will not want him anyway. 

Having three kids complicates things but you would be wise to see a lawyer and form an exit plan from your cheating spouse. Good luck.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Sorry your life fell apart. My recommendation is to read lots here and start to see the pattern of behaviour. Educate yourself on your man's cheating behaviour and what you have to do to deal with it effectively. It's all in the script...his and yours. You are just beginning in your awakening. Your education. Embrace it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I am sorry that your husband decided to blow up your marriage and destroy his family.

Get tested for STDs (yeah, *of course* he only kissed her!) and file for divorce.

You don't have to divorce him, but getting the process started is helpful.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The question you have to answer is can you live with this in your life?

If not file and get it over with.

Cheaters alway lie and never stop. 

How would you ever know?


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