# Steps to feeling a bit at ease, but need advice



## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

So, yesterday I wrote my story about my husband having feelings for his ex, seeing her, kissing her and then confessing to me that he was stuck between us two last week.

I left the apartment and two days later, he called saying that he missed me and that he loved no one else. She wanted him back but he had to tell her that I was his choice.

Even though I returned home and he had assured me that I was the ONLY person that he loved and that he had made a mistake, I still was feeling very hurt and very confused as to whether I should stay with all the doubts and insecurities in our relationship.

Last night I wrote down a whole bunch of questions that were bothering me all day and when we got home, he agreed to answer any and all questions I had. 

I had questions such as "when will the next episode happen?, If she gets in contact with you will you let me know?, Do you love me or do you just care for me deeply?, Are you still confused?, etc". All in all, I had about 18 questions that were killing me inside.

He answered them without any hesitations and told me that he wasn't confused anymore, that he chose the right woman (which was me), that he will have to live up to his mistakes and that he knows that my trust will take time to be regained. That he Loves and Cares for me and that he doesn't see a future without me. And I believed him. 

Now, I feel a bit better today and I hardly have any questions in my head about our relationship. I know that in NO relationship there are guarantees but what can I do when I start feeling the anxiety? Why does love have to be so hard?


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

I know you believe him. I need you to remember these things. 

#He has proven he isn't trustworthy. It took him two years to "cheat" and now it might take you at least two years to trust him again. 
#What trust you do have for him, you are going to have to give. Blindly. The sooner you accept that the better. 
#Get both of you into MC. Try and work on the trust issues.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

hope4family said:


> I know you believe him. I need you to remember these things.
> 
> #He has proven he isn't trustworthy. It took him two years to "cheat" and now it might take you at least two years to trust him again.
> #What trust you do have for him, you are going to have to give. Blindly. The sooner you accept that the better.
> #Get both of you into MC. Try and work on the trust issues.


Honestly, this is killing me on the inside regardless of what he said. Right now he's at work and even though he doesn't have a set lunch time, he should have textd me back already. Urgh, I am so not trusting him right now and now I have even more "what ifs"....smh....


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

I know the feeling. I have it every now and again when my wife walks out the door. You just need to relax and remember that you are not accountable for his actions and if he screws up again it's on him not you. You really don't sound like the problem at all here.

Give him trust, but do things that help you relax. Get out and have fun and find some personal enjoyment away from him. If you have a close friend, go spend time with them tonight.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Don't make yourself too available. He shouldn't have it this easy, otherwise he'll do it again.

Don't be nasty. Just be mysterious. Say little, show little, be around less.

He seems to know how to talk the talk. Whether he'll act the act is another matter. In time, you'll know.

As for your anxiety, read about codependency (in my signature) and fix it. Read the other article (DO YOU LOVE...) too. It'll help you decide whether you like the person you've become.

Good luck and don't stop posting (best medicine for your anxiety is posting here)


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Don't make yourself too available. He shouldn't have it this easy, otherwise he'll do it again.
> 
> Don't be nasty. Just be mysterious. Say little, show little, be around less.
> 
> ...



I work all day, then I'm in school, same with him. How do I make myself mysterious if he knows my routine? Pretty hard. But I get what you guys are saying. I have a serious issue with emotional co-dependency, I've read so many books but it doesnt seem to help. The only good thing is that I keep it within myself, I hardly bother him cuz it seems like needy. Is definitely not me, is him. But how do I stop having these negative feelings that one day he wont love me anymore and walk out. Hes a good man and Im afraid of losing that


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