# Timbhmaxx22



## TimB2200

Hi, new here. Not sure where to start? I have what i believe is a one sided relationship. We have 3 kids been together for 18 years and that Makes me feel like I have wasted all that time waiting for her to connect with me but that never happened. She never smiles, she never laughs, all the time we have been together and I could not tell you what her favorite foods are , what her favorite music is, nothing absolutely nothing. How sad is that. And it’s not from not trying either. 
I have always felt that love and relationships work on the idea that if you like someone care about someone especially love someone you will find ways to show them and tell them every minute your with them thinking about them anywhere anytime. So it’s the same thing the other way around if you don’t then there is a reason your not interested in them and there’s a reason your not paying attention to them and you can not ignore that. I just kept thinking that I could find a way to make her happy to find out what’s missing in her life in her heart and bring her out of the shell she’s locked herself in, but. It was a long time before I realized that I can’t do that only she can be happy inside, so I asked her to be honest with me and if she didn’t think she could try harder to make me feel loved and wanted like I needed her to so that I felt important to her like she really needed me then just tell me and we would find someway to deal with it in a respectful way and without causing a lot of problems for each other. But she just never says anything but that’s her normal way of communication I can start talking to her and go on for a wile I mean a hour sometimes and she may say 5 words that whole time. So how can i or anyone have a real conversation with someone like that? But that’s basically the situation I am in and I don’t know who to deal with all this! 
Sorry for the looong rant but there it is...


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## jlg07

Could your wife be on the spectrum? She may just not be able to deal with you emotionally like you expect?
Very sorry you are here -- many will be able to help.


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## EleGirl

Does our wife ever appear to be happy when she is with someone else.. like friends, extended family, the children?

Does she talk and have conversations with other people?

What was she like when you dated her, before you married?


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## Casual Observer

Was she always like this? Dating, early marriage, before kids? When in the relationship did the first kid come? 

Counseling? Anti-depression meds?

What about yourself? Have you sought therapy? It's hard to imagine you wouldn't be depressed, living that life. There could be a combined downward spiral that's preventing things from getting better, no matter how hard you try. Breaking that cycle can be tough!

Wishing both of you the best.


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## Marc878

You nor anyone can do a thing unless she tries.

Better figure out what you want


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## TimB2200

Thanks for all the input, I understand that there are other people that find themselves in a similar situation or possibly even worse, but I can’t understand what keeps me involved with this relationship I believe she (my wife) cares about me maybe in some Meaning of the word but she is by no means in love with me, I truly want it to work but at lot of the resentment I have for her and the situation comes from the times I think back at our time together and I feel like it is been such a waste. I think of other people I have met in some ways or even someone who is happy and it’s so easy to see there happy to be together and it makes me jealous and that makes me feel resentment. But I don’t know how to move forward it’s like I am
Waiting for her to tell me that she wants to be with me and needs me so I don’t always feel alone.
Thanks again for the postings


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## EleGirl

You have another account Timbhmaxx22. It's from 2012. Do you want your 2 accounts merged?


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## EleGirl

TimB2200 said:


> Thanks for all the input, I understand that there are other people that find themselves in a similar situation or possibly even worse, but I can’t understand what keeps me involved with this relationship I believe she (my wife) cares about me maybe in some Meaning of the word but she is by no means in love with me, I truly want it to work but at lot of the resentment I have for her and the situation comes from the times I think back at our time together and I feel like it is been such a waste. I think of other people I have met in some ways or even someone who is happy and it’s so easy to see there happy to be together and it makes me jealous and that makes me feel resentment. But I don’t know how to move forward it’s like I am Waiting for her to tell me that she wants to be with me and needs me so I don’t always feel alone.
> 
> Thanks again for the postings


In your old posts, you said that she was not like this at first but seemed to pull away over time. Is that right?


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## TimB2200

That's right we meet at a well known them park here were we live and we didn't date very long but sure it was pretty good i have dated a lot when I was younger and I had been in several serious relationships 2 I thought could possibly lead to marriage, but it did not go that way. But I am very playful and silly and she seemed to go along with things at the time, I would not have kept on going out with her or anyone who is so negative twords things. I would have just politely said "so long" but I must admit that some things at the time when we were first getting to know each other, she did not drive a car she did not have a car but I mean she did not have a license she had to ride to work with her sister and other family that live around her. But I thought that she was doing This to maybe save money for her to buy a car. Or maybe she was very independent but who lives on there own without anyway to go anywhere ? Now that I think about it that should have set off alarm bells. But I was in love and it didn't matter. Just like many other of the relationships in my past. 
But as much as I can remember and understand she began to show this solitary attatude to me. 
I try to make a effort every day every time I talk to her or just say something and like today I have not heard from her all day so I sent her a message and said "hey just wanted to tell you that you looked pretty today and very sexy” I don’t know what I was expecting from that but she finally replied “thanks” and then said something about me cleaning up some more of the dirty laundry stuff so I just sunk into the chair and said f*%|# it and gave up.


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## Casual Observer

TimB2200 said:


> I must admit that some things at the time when we were first getting to know each other, she did not drive a car she did not have a car but I mean she did not have a license she had to ride to work with her sister and other family that live around her. But I thought that she was doing This to maybe save money for her to buy a car. Or maybe she was very independent but who lives on there own without anyway to go anywhere ? Now that I think about it that should have set off alarm bells. But I was in love and it didn't matter. Just like many other of the relationships in my past.
> But as much as I can remember and understand she began to show this solitary attatude to me.
> I try to make a effort every day every time I talk to her or just say something and like today I have not heard from her all day so I sent her a message and said "hey just wanted to tell you that you looked pretty today and very sexy” I don’t know what I was expecting from that but she finally replied “thanks” and then said something about me cleaning up some more of the dirty laundry stuff so I just sunk into the chair and said f*%|# it and gave up.


OK, first what's the deal with not driving a car? You're suggesting it's indicative of something, but there are reasonable people who have chosen not to drive. What are you trying to tell us? Is she not allowed to drive for medical/psychological reasons? Or do you just think not driving is a terribly abnormal behavior trait?

Does she understand the level of your unhappiness? 

Does she make the kids feel loved?

I'd earlier asked if you have been in counseling? Individual or marriage? Do either of you have close friends you confide in? 

And that text you sent, telling her she's looking sexy. Without context, her reply doesn't tell us much. What is your intimate life like? Actually, intimacy sounds lacking, so just limit it to sex. How is that?


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## aquarius1

First glance what I see here is that you are speaking YOUR love language to her, NOT HERS.
You sound like "words of affirmation" and expect the same thing back from her.

Read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

You might be very surprised to find out that you are not connecting because you are not speaking the same language.


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## Elizabethjones752

Your wife sounds a lot like me. I was married to a man that became an addict several years into our marriage introed to help and be there for him but he could never see it. He eventually go some help for the addiction but never fully over came it. He would constantly complain about everything and would make me feel like I was never enough. We had a pretty good sex life even during everything but his constant complaints about me not showing him affection even though I did he just couldn't see it. Every complaint caused a new brick to be added to the wall inwas building around my heart until it was impossible to break through it. I am not an overly affectionate person but I told him I loved him I always made sure to kiss him when leaving or coming home. I did everything he asked of me. It got to the point that nothing I said or did helped.


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## MattMatt

I would suggest counselling as a couple and as individuals.


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