# Newly Betrayed



## HollowKat (Mar 23, 2013)

Removed story for personal reason


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

HollowKat said:


> Any quick thoughts on what this might sound like? Perhaps trying to manipulate me to feel bad for not loving her anymore or justifying her ways since I no longer want to be with her. It really doesn't bother me, I just want to know what someone outside the box might suggest this hidden meaning and it's epic fail to affect me.


Well, you don't give too many details about you, your W or your marriage so its hard to say too much.

However, it appears that she is looking for reassurance. She wants reassuring that you still love her, because that means that despite her appalling behaviour she is not a bad person and doesn't need to feel too bad about her actions. She is also looking for reassurance that her "Plan B" is still in place. That would be you - her fallback option. 

Many people in her position also feel a strong need to portray themselves as some sort of a victim. It makes them feel better by allowing them to deny responsibility for their choices and actions by telling themselves that they actually had no choice but to do what they did. In many cases this takes the form of demonising their spouse and rewriting the history of the marriage so that they believe that they just "had to" walk out of the marriage - it wasn't a choice, they just had to do it because the situation was so intolerable. The whole victim aspect will also be played up big time when talking to friends, etc (particularly her EA partner) so that the cheating spouse gets sympathy (on which they feed) rather than the condemnation that they fear so much.

In your case it sounds like "you don't love me any more" will probably be used as an excuse for the lies and deceit. It may be turned into "he never loved me" both in her head and in her retelling to friends. It may also be used as an excuse/justification for an intensification of her EA, perhaps turning it into a full-blown PA. You should be prepared for that.

That's my read on it, but I'm filling in a lot of blanks from my imagination as you provide little context - so take all that with a pinch of salt.

EDIT: You also appear to have moved in to the detachment phase ahead of her and you should be very glad of that. It saves you a hell of a lot of pain. If you do want to save the marriage it also increases the chances of that as she will sense you detaching and this may give her a wake up call.


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## HollowKat (Mar 23, 2013)

Removed story for personal reason


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Cheaters don't like exposure. Obviously. They want it all to remain hidden from friends and family and co-workers.

If you want to divorce her, do it. If you want to reconcile with her, you have a long road ahead of you.

Getting trust back is not easy. People on here have done it but it's a rollercoaster and takes a long time.


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## HollowKat (Mar 23, 2013)

Removed story for personal reason


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I can see why your moving on, your chick doesn't have an once of remorces for her deceit!


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