# Unusual Issue



## JennyJ (Mar 21, 2012)

Hi there!

As the thread title says, I have an unusual issue regarding sex with my partner.

I'll give you some background first.
I'm a transgender woman and I'm married to a transgender man. 
I've had surgery, so I have 'typically female' genitalia now, but my husband has not - the surgery for trans men costs around $100k and it doesn't give a very desirable result for those men (and it is prone to problems).

Our sex life is okay, though we both have a low sex drive.
I'd always told myself that I was fine with him not having 'typically male' genitalia, but as time has worn on, it's been getting harder to deny that I'd like to have sex with a flesh and blood organ, not a plastic one or one that can't penetrate me (he does have significant growth from male hormones, but not enough to penetrate me).

I'd raise it with him, but I tried talking about it ages ago before I had surgery and he reacted really badly - it was a big blow to his manhood and I felt really crappy for bringing it up.
So I'm not happy about bringing it up again, because it might do further damage.
Most of the time I'm okay, but I get pangs and longings every now again, wondering what it's like to have sex that way. 
I'm a problem solver by nature, so I've run through all sorts of ways to resolve this, including going behind his back and having a one-off tryst with some random guy (I'm not distinguishable as transgender as I transitioned young).
But I don't think I could cheat on him, as I love him fiercely and I pride myself on my loyalty.

I guess I'm just posting this to see if anyone has been in a similar situation (maybe their husband has a very small penis?) and found a way to cope with it?

Thanks for reading,

JJ.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think you're going to have to either accept it or find a way to get his surgery. 
The only other thing I'd suggest is a three way with a Mtf trans who hasn't had bottom surgery. That might be something both of you would enjoy. But at the sane time it can sometimes make things more awkward when you bring a third into it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JennyJ (Mar 21, 2012)

He doesn't want the surgery, due to the expense and the results being so poor. It often leaves the man with limited or no sexual sensation and he doesn't want to risk that.
I'm not attracted to women, trans or otherwise, so I wouldn't feel at all comfortable with a pre-op MtF trans person. Definitely not something I would enjoy.

I guess I'll just have to get over it and accept it, unless I want to cause a rift in our relationship. When I ask "Is it worth losing my husband just to experience this?" the answer is a resounding "No!"


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think you have your answer. It's difficult to realize there are things we will never get. I'm sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

um...

well, a friend of mine dated a guy for seven years who's penis was small enough to be an "innie" (it didn't have hang to it at all, no joke)

she learned to cope with it and figure out how to get off on it because she loved him -shrug-

that's all I got. I dumped my ex with the small penis, not for that reason, but I get how not feeling sex is no fun.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

> When I ask "Is it worth losing my husband just to experience this?" the answer is a resounding "No!"


This is clear, rational thinking. Congratulations. Don't be lulled into the lie that you might somehow "get away" with it.

Focus on what you DO HAVE. Not what you don't. You have the "meat and potatoes" of a sex life with your husband, some little portion of cake icing is all that you are missing.


----------



## JennyJ (Mar 21, 2012)

TJW said:


> This is clear, rational thinking.
> Focus on what you DO HAVE. Not what you don't. You have the "meat and potatoes" of a sex life with your husband, some little portion of cake icing is all that you are missing.


That's a really good way of looking at it! I've never had much of a sweet tooth anyway


----------

