# Toddler threw a tantrum and I started to panic



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Lately my 20-month-old started to throw bad tantrums. Meltdowns is more like it -- they seem to come out of nowhere and the only thing that has been stopping them is putting her in the crib to "cool off." Until very recently, if she got upset about something it was easy to calm her down. 

Anyway tonight she started one around bedtime, and nothing was helping, not even going in the crib, and then I took her out and put her next to mom (who was lying down exhausted and half asleep) and that didn't help, and then my wife tried to comfort her and she wouldn't calm down at all, and my heart started to race and I started to feel real panic. I felt like something was terribly wrong and I couldn't fix it, I started to worry that something had happened to my child or like I had done something wrong as a parent. I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit where there was less and less oxygen. 

Eventually we put her back in the crib and she petered out after a minute or two and went to sleep. She woke up again crying later but went back to sleep. But I'm worried now about her, and about my own reaction, which can't possibly help things.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

A lot of behavioral problems from children that age is related to the diet. There are so many chemicals, preservatives and so forth in our foods that it is causing all kinds of issues. Most of the ADHD can be solve by cleaning up the diet.

Get her on whole foods, lots of fresh fruits and veggies.

Some of the worst things to look for are:
coloring
preservatives
salicylates
dairy
gluten

My oldest started having really bad fits around 18 months. They are eating from the table pretty good by then. We found coloring was his culprit, especially red. I have another boy that was really sensitive to BHT and other preservatives, even gave him dyslexia. One of my daughters ended up getting asthma, we took her off all dairy (even though we were drinking goat milk from our own goats) and her asthma cleared up. She is very carful with dairy and hasn't had an issue since.

There is a great web site that researches all the foods. If you join you can get a book that lists the packaged foods that are safe from these ingredients. It is The Feingold Diet Program for ADHD They also have a really good book called "Why Can't My Child Behave"

As for you, it is easy to feel overwhelmed when a baby is acting this way, just try to calm yourself. You will not make the situation better by becoming unstable yourself. But if you look into the information I gave you, you should be able to get a handle on it.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

TRY not to worry; you know it does not help the situation.

On a practical note get your daughter in to see the doctor, explain what has been happening and ask him if there could be an underling medical condition that is at the bottom of this (I doubt it but better safe than sorry).

If this behavior has only started recently have there been any environmental changes that coincide with it (change of diet, childcare arrangements, family circumstances) if so it could be that these have un settled her. If you can find no explanation it might just be that your daughter is a bit advanced for her age and has hit the "terrible twos" a few months early.

N.B. It sounds as if this is your first child if so do you have a support network of grandparents / extended family / friends who could advice you / take some of the pressure.

Best of luck and I hope / pray that all works out for your little family.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

She could be coming down with something. Both my girls are more likely to meltdown if they are getting sick or are very tired.

Is she giving up her nap? Extra activities or change in routine? Any other reason she might be feeling tired or overwhelmed? Mid there something you can see in common with the situations where she is melting down? 

How is her language? Can she talk to you much yet? It's pretty classic for a child of that age to be super frustrated with his or her inability to clearly communicate, and definitely contributes to meltdowns.

More than likely this stage will pass on its own. For yourself, work on keeping calm in the moment, she needs you to be the eye of her storm, so to speak. So take deep breaths, deliberately slow your voice, consciously move gently. If you're calm, she'll calm down more quickly. Try using empathic language, "I know, it's really hard. It's hard to be 20 months. I'm here. I'm right here and you're safe."

If she doesn't want to be held, sit by her and hold her hand. Or sing her a song. Let her know she's not all alone. It's really frightening for a child to feel that out of control and having a parent there will help, even if they can't stop the episode straight away.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

All of the above seem like good advice, thanks.

She actually does talk, so she can usually tell us what she wants, which is part of why this was surprising, since she couldn't seem to figure out what she wanted, and nothing seemed like what she wanted.

I have noticed that the time-change has thrown her off. I also think I may have found another culprit - videos. Normally she might watch one 20 minute video in a day (baby einstein, super simple learning or something like that -- I know it's frowned on, but it does give you the chance to take a shower). Yesterday, my wife was so exhausted that she let our daughter watch a lot of extra videos in the evening. I think the video got her overstimulated and then she couldn't calm down.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My kids (all 3) acted like that when they got tired, off their schedule or if they had too much sugar. My son once reacted badly to some red jello when he was 3. He flipped out.

The key to this is to find the triggers. My youngest is 8 and she will still flip out of she has too much sugar or gets tired. I'm aware of the cause then I don't take it personally as some parenting flaw.


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## alwaysforever (Jul 28, 2012)

My little girl 15 mnths , is usually a happy energetic playful baby. She slept in her crib pretty well then out of the blue she started acting like her crib and sleeping was the end of the world.
She was more fussy than usual and nothing or noone could calm her. I was at my wits end. This went on about five days and i was very frustrated and tired. ( she would wake every two hrs, then another 2 to get her back to sleep.) Finally took her to the doctor, she had an ear infection. I had no idea she was not pulling at her ears or showing any signs except the above) 

They gave her a shot and said she should feel better by the evening. Well they were right, she started to get her spunk back that night and slept soundly.
Take baby to doctor just incase. Even though my dd is only 13 mnths she can communicate well but i still didnt pick up on it untill this went on a couple days then i knew she needed to see the doc.
It never hurts just to make sure. While these episodes go on stay calm yourself, baby can pick up on you emotions as well
Best wishes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I HATE ear infections. Sometimes the only sign you get is crankiness. Let my son suffer with one for 2 weeks before I took him in. Felt like the worst mother ever that day.


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