# Wife doesn't like anal I do!



## acertriplex (Dec 15, 2012)

Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.:scratchhead:


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

She is being honest with you. It hurts her, she doesn't want to do it. But as long as your having great sex other wise...enjoy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

acertriplex said:


> Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.:scratchhead:


Hey...maybe it does hurt her and you just get over it?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Bait and switch, but what can you do? Nothing. Any pressure and you'll look like a jerk.


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## acertriplex (Dec 15, 2012)

OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?


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## acertriplex (Dec 15, 2012)

that sounds actually like a reasonable answer, bait and switch!


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## MagnificentEddy (Nov 15, 2012)

She has told you she doesn't want to do it, and why. What more do you need? Bear in mind that anal is dangerous - damage the rectal lining and potentially fatal infection can set in. Even if you don't do that, stretching the anus can lead to a range of unpleasant smelling and deeply embaressing health issues.

Best you can do? Tell her you love her, and leave her anus alone. Give her backside the occasional affectionate pat by all means, but just get over it. Her butt isn't designed for sex anyway. In the long run, you'll both be happier and healthier.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

acertriplex said:


> OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?


Three years ago my back could take a lot more than it can today. I'd be real pissed if I asked my SO to pick up something heavy and he said, "Three years ago you could lift it so you can do it now" 
He would come off as a very uncaring person to say something like that.

I like lots of ass play but a penis up there of any size hurts profusely. I've tried everything a girl can to make it more comfortable for me but its consistently painful. 

Maybe your wife doesn't derive pleasure from pain. Maybe she liked anal before or hated it and tolerated it for you but now it hurts to much to bear.

Maybe the question you should be asking us is " Why do I feel the need to physically hurt my wife for my own pleasure?"


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Woman's perspective.

If proper care and time is taken... it might have been enjoyable in the past. Since then, good possibility you didn't use enough lube, didn't spend enough time warming her up, she was too tense, and thus the "trust" is gone. 

How often in the past? Once or twice, so she "tried" it, didn't like it?


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## acertriplex (Dec 15, 2012)

All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Does it seem like she is less aroused during sex than she was before?

I think women are generally more receptive to anal when they are very aroused and not otherwise.

How is the sex life otherwise? Has sex declined in frequency or quality since you got married?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Now anal is not my thing, so maybe this advice comes easy....but I'd drop it. Yeah, it sounds like the old "bait and switch", which would pizz me off, but how important is this one aspect if everything else is fine?

It can be painful for some women, and likely even for most women if it's not done right. Personally if she's not getting a great deal of pleasure from it (either from satisfaction from doing for you, or her own physical pleasure), then I'd not want to do it. I liken it to blowjobs....there's not much physical pleasure in it for her, but she seems to genuinely enjoy doing it, so "I'm good". If she were to treat it like a chore and complain that she doesn't like it, well, I'm not going to be pursuing it from her. If she stops enjoying giving that to me though, that may point to bigger relationship issues.

Now if she starts the bait and switch with all things sexual, then I'd have a serious problem with it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

acertriplex said:


> that sounds actually like a reasonable answer, bait and switch!


Yep it's bait and switch because. You know that your wife is a horrible, selfish person who would do something like that.. she was just out to trap you, use you. Yep, that's the answer.


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## Ghost88 (Dec 9, 2012)

So...I like anal play a lot. And my wife used to love it and now as her sex drive has lessened (separate issue) she doesn't. Time, kids, just natural changes make us all different people than when we started our relationships. I don't think it is "bait and switch", but her feelings have clearly changed. You may need to get used to that. This is a tough one, versus something like oral. There can be pain involved and some women get more self-conscious over time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It hurts her. Have you have something up your butt and then thrusted it in and out and been torn and sore for days after? Ya. Try it and then see how you feel.

And after kids, women sometimes get hemmoroids. Those and anal DO NOT MIX.

I just get irritated by men who think anal sex is a demand. They don't try it, but it's just something that should be done. It's a woman's butthole. If you like anal so much, go get some.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

acertriplex said:


> All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.


She told you why... it hurts. Not wanting to do what hurts is not a control device.

Why do you not respect her enough to believe what she says?

Anal sex is the riskiest type of sex. It causes rips. Generally they are internal so you cannot see them. It can cause discomfort for days afterwards to include problems with elimination, bleeding, infections. Sometimes the damage done never heals. There have been women here who experience this and refuse to ever do it again for good reason.

When it comes to her body you need to trust her and believe her. It hurts, she does not want to do it. End of story.

Of course you can show her how enjoyable it could be. Get her a strap on (you like toys) and let her do you. Men enjoy getting anal a lot more than women do because it stimulates their prostate. So go for it, enjoy it and lead by example.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.


Maybe whatever has caused her to not want it anymore happened after they married. To assume that she did a bate and switch is taking a huge leap.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Just once I'd like to see you sympathize with the male point of view. The leap is believing she liked it before and now it suddenly hurts after marrying.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.


But it may not have hurt BEFORE marriage. I know I used to LOVE anal but now...eesh. Never again. In no way did I trick my husband.

Thank god he was snipped before I went sterile (after marriage). would that have been bait and switch too? Hm. Lame. Things change. 

My husband is making 1/2 of what he made at work when I met him. Would never think to complain. We have what we need. And I still rock his sexy world. If OP is having good sex and just not anal, then whatever. Sorry, this, to me, is just not fair. You men have NO idea what it feels like to have your butthole ripped and then not heal because poop gets in there and infects it. Eff that.

And if my husband is going to be upset that I don't want him up my butt when he won't even THINK about putting something up his, then I don't know about that. That's selfish Love.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Just once I'd like to see you sympathize with the male point of view. The leap is believing she liked it before and now it suddenly hurts after marrying.


OK.

Then the men should go have anal sex to really know how it feels for a woman. Not once, but maybe 3 times.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

that_girl said:


> But it may not have hurt BEFORE marriage. I know I used to LOVE anal but now...eesh. Never again.


I'm just curious what changed so that something you loved became something you now hate.



> And if my husband is going to be upset that I don't want him up my butt when he won't even THINK about putting something up his, then I don't know about that. That's selfish Love.


So if he would let you peg him then you'd be ok with it again?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

acertriplex said:


> All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.


That's very...um... bitter. And indicative of more problems than just you not believing her when she says it hurts.

Do you feel she does things to spite you on a regular basis?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

east2west said:


> I'm just curious what changed so that something you loved became something you now hate.
> 
> 
> 
> So if he would let you peg him then you'd be ok with it again?


I'll give you the short version.

Having anal one night. Nice, ooh aah....then blood on his penis. Wtf? :wtf: Well, i have internal hemorroids from pregnancy and something happened and i also tore.

Then over the next few days, I couldn't take a poop because it was sooooo painful, I would scream and cry and he'd hear this. Then i had to go to the doctor because it wasn't getting better. It still hurt and the tear would reopen whenever I pooped (which hurt so bad..dear god). Turns out, the tear was infected because of my shet. Poop was all up in the tear and I then had to put topical stuff on it and take a strong med. No sex, even vaginally, for a couple weeks. I could not even really sit down.

So yea, I am not about to go through that again. The doc even said it's not a good idea. My husband is pleasantly endowed. 

But, try it, see if you love it after that.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

east2west said:


> So if he would let you peg him then you'd be ok with it again?


:rofl: No. He's not into that. We have a good sex life  Don't you fret.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.


And maybe she did tell the truth before they got married and he wasn't listening. I noticed in his original post he said how much he said he liked it. Since we don't get to hear her point of view (other than she says it hurts) it's hard to know if she voiced opposition prior to their getting married.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Just once I'd like to see you sympathize with the male point of view. The leap is believing she liked it before and now it suddenly hurts after marrying.


So what's the male point of view? That she used switch and bate to trap him? Really? That she's a shrew who purposely did this? Taht she is lying that it hurts?

That's your point of view. Not the 'male' point of view. You do not speak for all men any more than I speak for all women.

So according to you the male point of view is that any woman who has anal once is then lying when she says it hurts now?

I've had anal. I really liked it.. until the day it hurt very badly and caused me permanent physical damage. From that day on I refused to engage in it anymore. From that day on it was too painful.

How about the point of view of believing his wife when she says she cannot tolerate it anymore?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Apparently it's a complete coincidence that she appeared to enjoy it, never complained of pain all during their courtship. Then magically on there wedding day some completely unrelated event turned her off to it. It just happened, no deception involved.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So what's the male point of view? That she used switch and bate to trap him? Really? That she's a shrew who purposely did this? Taht she is lying that it hurts?
> 
> That's your point of view. Not the 'male' point of view. You do not speak for all men any more than I speak for all women.
> 
> ...


I think any time someone does something before marriage and then suddenly stops afterwards there is cause for concern. Doesn't matter if its anal or oral or just sex in general. If the OP's wife experienced an injury like a tear or an infection due to anal sex then I don't think that was mentioned anywhere. That might be the explanation. But there are other explanations worth considering, like bait and switch or loss of attraction/arousal.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl:

NEVER MIND that my butthole was torn and infected. It's a problem!!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

that_girl said:


> :rofl:
> 
> NEVER MIND that my butthole was torn and infected. It's a problem!!


For the record, I'm not accusing YOU of bait and switch in the least. Your reason is very valid.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

east2west said:


> I'm just curious what changed so that something you loved became something you now hate.?


I'll answer this for myself too...

Before marriage and into the first year of it I loved anal. New experience and it as something else. Then it just got painful, really painful and I had to stop doing it. Eventually I went to a doctor who found the tears. It was not a huge infection response like that_girl describes. But it was very painful after that. 

One of the tears has never healed right. It rips open all the time, is painful, bleeds, and gets infected. This all happened 40 years ago and I still have the problem. 

The anal sex was not worth the permanent, chronic damage that was done to my body.

OP’s wife might very well have some physical damage that is now causing pain. She needs to see a doctor about it. The last thing she needs is a husband who ignores what she says and even accuses her of passive aggressive game playing. She says it’s painful. Believe her. IT’s her body, she knows when there is pain.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

east2west said:


> I think any time someone does something before marriage and then suddenly stops afterwards there is cause for concern. Doesn't matter if its anal or oral or just sex in general. If the OP's wife experienced an injury like a tear or an infection due to anal sex then I don't think that was mentioned anywhere. That might be the explanation. But there are other explanations worth considering, like bait and switch or loss of attraction/arousal.


Yep, could be bait and switch.

Or could be that she never really cared for it and was doing it all along for his benefit.

Or she tore but never told him.

Or he constantly hounds her for it, no matter what they are doing.

Or he prefers anal over vaginal and she prefers the reverse.

So many possibilities, any one of them could be why. But the reason she gave is that it hurts...and he thinks she is saying that to control him. I'm inclined to believe she never liked it, and she wants to do other things. Meanwhile, he is fixated on her ass and that's all he can think of.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I'll give you the short version.
> 
> Having anal one night. Nice, ooh aah....then blood on his penis. Wtf? :wtf: Well, i have internal hemorroids from pregnancy and something happened and i also tore.
> 
> ...


I know it probably frustrates men when their women tell them they don't want anal because it may hurt or starts to hurt. But when I see stories like this, I often think about how I've never heard these types of things happening with PIV sex, so ofcourse women would be reluctant to trying anal. 

Anyway, how awful your H must have felt after seeing you in pain like that.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> So many possibilities, any one of them could be why. But the reason she gave is that it hurts...and he thinks she is saying that to control him. I'm inclined to believe she never liked it, and she wants to do other things. Meanwhile, he is fixated on her ass and that's all he can think of.


Ok so just to clarify, you think it was bait and switch:

Pretending you enjoy something that the other person enjoys for just long enough to get the ring on.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Apparently it's a complete coincidence that she appeared to enjoy it, never complained of pain all during their courtship. Then magically on there wedding day some completely unrelated event turned her off to it. It just happened, no deception involved.


Where did OP state she ever enjoyed it. I suspect one could suggest that he did a bait and switch. Now that he "owns" her he can have anal every night. So maybe he pressures her every night. She loves him enough to do anal once in a while, but resents him pressuring her. 

We get his perspective and not hers and we could make up all kinds of stuff. Oh well, this one time when an OP's spouse should join TAM.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

east2west said:


> I think any time someone does something before marriage and then suddenly stops afterwards there is cause for concern. Doesn't matter if its anal or oral or just sex in general. If the OP's wife experienced an injury like a tear or an infection due to anal sex then I don't think that was mentioned anywhere. That might be the explanation. But there are other explanations worth considering, like bait and switch or loss of attraction/arousal.


I agree that when someone does something before marriage and then stops after marriage there is reason for concern. 

If the OP thinks that this was a big trick on her part to trap him into marriage then he should divorce her. Who would want to be married to someone who pulled that on them. Only he knows if she's the kind of person who would do that.

Anal is different from oral and just sex in general. The anus is not built for taking a penis. So the woman (or whoever is taking it) has to have final say on it.

She says it hurts. She has a right to no longer do something that hurts. She could have a tear or other damage from anal but not even know it. It might only hurt when they have sex. She might have hemorrhoids. That’s why I suggested that she go see a doctor about it.


If a woman gives anal before marriage is she obligated to give it for the rest of her life even if she does not enjoy it? Even if it hurts? Does she have the right to decide that she does not want to continue something like anal that has a high probably of causing her damage sometime in the future? 

She obviously likes anal play.. so there is a reason that she does not want to continue anal penetrations. She told him why.. it hurts.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AnnieAsh said:


> I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.


Yes you should. (just a smarty comment here)


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.


Jack: oh Annie I hope things get better. End jack. 

implied notion, well said Annie.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Anal every night 

LOL I loved it and it was once a month...I had to heal. You men have no idea. Godam. I like having muscle control down there. Anal would take that away for a couple days. Not pretty


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

east2west said:


> Ok so just to clarify, you think it was bait and switch:
> 
> Pretending you enjoy something that the other person enjoys for just long enough to get the ring on.


Partly. I think she may have done it to shut him up and he thought she was doing it because she really wanted it. And then, she finally tells him it hurts, and he doesn't believe her because, after all, she did it for three years without it hurting. So what if it did hurt all along, but she was willing to do it because she loves him? But then the pain got to be too much to handle, so now she has spoken up? Is that not a viable option here? Or does she merely have to be a selfish whiny b!tch who tricked him into marrying her, and now she wants nothing to do with him? It couldn't POSSIBLY be that she is one of those women who endures things she doesn't like because she doesn't (mistakenly) want to hurt his feelings...and God forbid she finally speak up when something is too much, right? She should just shut up and take it, even if she doesn't like it/it hurts? Because honestly, that's what this is sounding like here....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If my husband had wanted anal more than vaginal sex, we'd have had a problem, for sure.

OP, do you ONLY want anal? Maybe she is frustrated and wants you inside her vagina...the place that was made for your penis.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

east2west said:


> Ok so just to clarify, you think it was bait and switch:
> 
> Pretending you enjoy something that the other person enjoys for just long enough to get the ring on.


Unfortunately his wife is not here so she cannot tell us if she was pretending to like it just to trap him into marriage.

Maybe she just tried it a few times because she's adventurous and wanted to please him. But realized that is hurts. So she told him it hurts and she does not want to do now. Maybe she did not know it was a deal breaker. Did he tell her that he would only marry her if she submitted to anal. Even submitted if it hurt her? Probably not.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

I never get these threads. Why is anyone entitled to the behind? How is it that something from which we solely excrete has become sexual? Have you run out of awesome things to do to the vagina?

I do not believe people deliberately "bait and switch." I do believe tastes change and that is where negotiation comes in. A finger is a great compromise!

OP, if it legitimately hurts your wife, do you still want to do it?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, my friend and her man were doing it in the back door and she pooped all over him.

NOT SEXY. Barf.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

AnnieAsh said:


> I never get these threads. Why is anyone entitled to the behind? How is it that something from which we solely excrete has become sexual? Have you run out of awesome things to do to the vagina?
> 
> I do not believe people deliberately "bait and switch." I do believe tastes change and that is where negotiation comes in. A finger is a great compromise!
> 
> OP, if it legitimately hurts your wife, do you still want to do it?


Well said


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, my friend and her man were doing it in the back door and she pooped all over him.
> 
> NOT SEXY. Barf.


Did she REALLY?


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Well fun discussion, but heading to the beach now. Guess no anal tonight, sandpaper anyone.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

AnnieAsh said:


> Did she REALLY?


Yep. No control.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Yea, my friend and her man were doing it in the back door and she pooped all over him.
> 
> NOT SEXY. Barf.


Now THAT is a way to stop a man asking for anal


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just a curious question, what's the appeal of anal sex? I still don't get it...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Very few women engage in anal sex.. something like less than 20%.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm not really into anal either. We've done it 4 or 5 times over the last 20 years. Never before we married. 

Nope I'm not impressed with anal. I do however place a high value on truthfulness, and I don't think for a second that this thread is about anal sex, despite people trying to make it so.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Not that I hate anal. I like it when it happens, but I can easily live without it. OP made it clear that it is a big deal to him. His wife went along with it. Then once they married she changed her tune and claimed it hurt.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Not that I hate anal. I like it when it happens, but I can easily live without it. OP made it clear that it is a big deal to him. His wife went along with it. Then once they married she changed her tune and claimed it hurt.


Seriously, he needs to just get over it. She doesn't like it. Its her choice, not his. End of story.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

I don't think that bait and switch is always malicious, that may be the case sometimes. More often it is subconscious or it emerges "naturally" in a relationship where the communication is poor. Before the wedding day the person is afraid to speak up out of fear that their spouse will freak out. After the wedding day they believe they are protected by the shield of unconditional love.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Not that I hate anal. I like it when it happens, but I can easily live without it. OP made it clear that it is a big deal to him. His wife went along with it. Then once they married she changed her tune and claimed it hurt.


Why say "claimed"? It implies she's not telling the truth about her experience NOW with anal. The OP is not the wife. How does HE know what she feels NOW when they have anal sex? It's quite possible that what she once enjoyed no longer feels good to her. That doesn't make it bait or switch or indicate she's lying.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

cavenger said:


> Seriously, he needs to just get over it. She doesn't like it. Its her choice, not his. End of story.


End of story. So is dishonesty always ok with you? Or only when it's something you disagree with?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife offered me anal once, I just gave her the look

She wanted to do everything (mostly) with me, I just told her to shove a dildo up her a$$ then lol. I also asked her where she prefers it. She told me the "right" hole, so that was that. lol
I don't see myself enjoying it, I'm happy with a nice, warm, wet p-ss.

Anyways I can see the bait and switch here but at the same time the woman in question was probably just trying to do what my wife wanted - to show her love by showing that she's willing to do anything with me. Now, one can see it as dishonesty but after a few years suffering for her husband's pleasure she probably decided enough is enough.

Like sure, my wife and I were also exhibitionist, but we stopped that and she had valid reasons for it, so I don't complain... much (unless it's TAM, then I complain all the time)


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

Guess what? He can't force her to do anal and it is her choice. So it is the end of the story if she says no.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Bait and switch, but what can you do? Nothing. Any pressure and you'll look like a jerk.


If he insisted she do something she no longer wants to do he would not be a jerk. He would be insensitive though. The first thing I would think of if i were a loving husband is that she has been hurting for 3 years!! Why did she not say anything? 

Was he so insistant thay he get anal that he failed to consider what she wanted. He could be more concerned for her and not be quick to accuse her of holding out on him. 

The bait and switch argument is black and white thinking. There is no exploring other solutions. That is the attitude of perennially sexually dissatisfied people.. 

OP I hope this helps. I have anal sex with my husband but only when i am ready along with him. I'll tell you why it is important that the recipient be in control. Anal sex can be very painful even when you have received many times. It does not seem to be like other acts, sometimes it is good sometimes terrible. 

It is just not the same each time. When the recipient is not aroused and really turned on, it hurts. Sometimes you are aroused and turned on and it still hurts. It's unpredictable. That is why the recipient needs to have absolute control over when it happens. 

I don't know what happened to your wife but is it possible that she had no control over when you had anal sex. Put another way were you the initiator and the act took place every time you wanted? if that is so, there may have been times that it hurt her. 

OP my advice is to act more sympathetic towards your wife at present. Remember you are a team not adversaries. She is not "those women with their bait and switch". She is an individual that you have known for years, is she not worth a few days of considerstion and conversation.

Ask her if at times anal sex hurt her and you did not notice. Let her know that hurting her is the last thing you want to do. Let some time go by without trying to convince her she is evil for tricking you and show her that her sexual pleasure is about both of you. She may in time be willing to try again if you make it clear that she is in control.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

cavenger said:


> Guess what? He can't force her to do anal and it is her choice. So it is the end of the story if she says no.


And she can't force him to stay married, so no. It's not the end of story.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I still don't get it... :scratchhead:

Like, there's gorgeous sweet lips down there, well presented, warm, wet, waiting for you. But one prefers the hole in between the butt cheeks, the same hole that one erm... "ejects stuff" out from? >.<

Nevermind me, maybe I should stop trying to understand, because I never will lol


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And she can't force him to stay married, so no. It's not the end of story.


If the marriage hinges on anal sex then they would both benefit by resolving the union. She would be fortunate I think if he did leave her. He could search for an anal sex partner and she would find a man who is more concerned about her. 

I don't know how successful he will be. He may be able to get a woman to have anal sex but he may have a hard time finding a woman who offers him a satisfying relationship in other ways. He could be on a search for anal for sometime. If it is of paramount importance then I am certain he will not mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I still don't get it... :scratchhead:
> 
> Like, there's gorgeous sweet lips down there, well presented, warm, wet, waiting for you. But one prefers the hole in between the butt cheeks, the same hole that one erm... "ejects stuff" out from? >.<
> 
> Nevermind me, maybe I should stop trying to understand, because I never will lol


You don't understand because you're fixated on the word anal. This is a woman who:

A. Knew something was important to her man. 

B. did it willingly without complaint. 

C. Stopped as soon as she married him with no flexibility at all. 

We could be talking about baking cookies as far as I'm concerned.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I know, I can't get the sh-t outta my head when I think about anal sex lol

Still as for bait and switch, I can say the same thing about my wife when it comes to exhibitionism. It's something I enjoyed immensely with her, we even did nude photoshoots and there she was posing in front of a camera-man nude with all her assets with and without me. I couldn't contain my boner! lol, we also did it in public and had people cheering us on and hell that was great fun.

But then came marriage, and she wanted to be a good girl. We stopped all of that, and I miss it sure - but she had valid reasons for it, she still gave me sex, still roleplayed my fantasies and desires out. Now compare this to OP's wife, she hasn't cut him off completely, still allows him to poke her up there as well. She just doesn't want anal just like my wife no longer wants exhibitionism.

Both have valid reasons in my opinion.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

And as long as it wasn't a big deal to you, no problem. Personally I didn't have anything that I thought of as that important. But the op did, and expressed it to his wife before they married.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

From what the OP said they indulge in some backdoor activity (fingers...) so it's not like she completely cut him off or is inflexible. I don't know how flexible she can be if him penetrating her there is painful for her. Should she take some pain desensitizer and put up with it for his sake? Would that be an example of being flexible?

Frankly I wouldn't ever want to do an act with my spouse if that other person finds it painful. I'm not a sadist. 

Part of the issue here is the way the OP is framing this issue. I'm sure if we heard her side of things it would be a different story.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And as long as it wasn't a big deal to you, no problem. Personally I didn't have anything that I thought of as that important. But the op did, and expressed it to his wife before they married.


Yeah, I guess I can see that side too like, my wife has been honest with me about it. She no longer wanted to do it, and didn't lead me on saying "we'll do it eventually" and then never do.

That's wrong on OP's wife's part. I can agree with that much at least. Still...

Bleh... >.< I just can't see the appeal but then again I like stuff that other blokes would go O.O over lol


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I've been trying to think of non-anal examples and I realized I'm a hypocrite because I'm not being consistent. The other e ample I was thinking about was the guy who told his girlfriend how important fitness was and that it was a deal breaker for him. She stayed fit until marriage then promptly gained a bunch of weight. He was pretty upset about it, and my input to his thread was to just get over it. I completely ignored the bait and switch aspect of it.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And as long as it wasn't a big deal to you, no problem. Personally I didn't have anything that I thought of as that important. But the op did, and expressed it to his wife before they married.


One version, his... I don't know what was discussed. I suspect we will never know what was originally discussed. So bait and switch is pure speculation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm... now if we leave out the anal part out then I can see more clearly. Hard you know, with sh-t like this in your face... literally! lol

Fitness is a dealbreaker for me, and for my wife as well. It's good though, we kept each other fit, and to do any less is to not love each other enough. When she got pregnant though I fed her like a hive queen, I wanted my daughter to be chubby and healthy, but as soon as she recovered from childbirth... YOU... GYM... NOW!!! lol

Personally I reckon OP's wife should at least stop leading him, but that's that.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And she can't force him to stay married, so no. It's not the end of story.


And Dude needs to leave if he puts that much importance on such a thing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

cavenger said:


> And Dude needs to leave...


Something I said? =O


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

I wonder how much Lube you women used that have tears, and bleeding from anal sex...
It its done slowly, first year or two only fingers, then small toys, eventually bigger and finally
the real thing..always after lots of lube then it shouldnt be a problem..
But she has to want it for that to work, otherwise she will tense up and her body will just
say no...theres probably a 1% amount of women that want that kind of sex..theyve probably played around
with it during masturbation for years since they were teenagers...then theres the whole 
personality side...so finding a woman with the right personality plus one who likes anal sex
like I described is probably a 1 in a million type of chance..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

AnnieAsh said:


> I'm also the victim of the old bait and switch. My husband told me he loved cuddling and talking about feelings. Now he doesn't. I should divorce him.


Some would.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

acertriplex said:


> Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.:scratchhead:


OP,my wife is currently upset without me over this very issue..We had one decent conversation about it and when that didn't work I was all over her about it for about two or three days.The difference is that we've never done anal before...But you and your wife have.I guess you guys should just use lots of lube.....But my wife didn't want to hear anything about lube at all.A lot of women simply don't understand their husbands needs.A women doesn't even have to put forth any effort sexually to be great in bed...Men have to actually put forth effort to be good lovers.And then when we want women to do things that are outside the norm sexually,they complain about things....But I suggest you and your wife see a doctor to see if any damage has been the anus.Because that's not what you want.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Soooooooo much lube. Sooooooo much prep.

The butthole is not made for a penis. Get over it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Husband's needs? Omfg. Doing everything for your man except anal is hardly ignoring needs.

This thread is dead to me. Gawdam.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> I wonder how much Lube you women used that have tears, and bleeding from anal sex...
> It its done slowly, first year or two only fingers, then small toys, eventually bigger and finally
> the real thing..always after lots of lube then it shouldnt be a problem..
> But she has to want it for that to work, otherwise she will tense up and her body will just
> ...


Now you choose to minimize our experiences? Nice


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And as long as it wasn't a big deal to you, no problem. Personally I didn't have anything that I thought of as that important. But the op did, and expressed it to his wife before they married.


The OP has not told us that he expressed that if he did not get anal sex he did not want to marry her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And she can't force him to stay married, so no. It's not the end of story.


And he cannot force her to give him anal or stay married to him.... what is this a power war about who files for divorce first?


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Excuse me...

Let me turn the dead horse over, so y'all can tenderize the other side too, lol.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

humanbecoming said:


> Excuse me...
> 
> Let me turn the dead horse over, so y'all can tenderize the other side too, lol.


:rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> OP,my wife is currently upset without me over this very issue..We had one decent conversation about it and when that didn't work I was all over her about it for about two or three days.The difference is that we've never done anal before...But you and your wife have.I guess you guys should just use lots of lube.....But my wife didn't want to hear anything about lube at all.A lot of women simply don't understand their husbands needs.A women doesn't even have to put forth any effort sexually to be great in bed...Men have to actually put forth effort to be good lovers.And then when we want women to do things that are outside the norm sexually,they complain about things....But I suggest you and your wife see a doctor to see if any damage has been the anus.Because that's not what you want.


Again, Jack. You have been told what the problem is. Do we need to spell it out for you again? Or are you going to behave like an ass again? I'd be happy to give you my $0.02, if you like. 

Screw it. Jack, anal isn't a NEED, it's a WANT. It's a WANT so bad for you that you were actually contemplating going to a prostitute JUST so you could experience anal sex. Because, after all, you couldn't POSSIBLY be expected to never, ever, ever experience something you WANT, for the rest of your life, right? Oh, but it's not enough that you would go to a prostitute, but you wouldn't even tell your wife that you are contemplating cheating on her....you would just do it, to get your rocks off.

Oh, and it doesn't stop there, now does it? Nope! You had to get pissy with her because she had the AUDACITY to request that you use a condom when you have sex because she can't take the pill anymore because... SHE DOESN'T ABSORB the blasted things correctly anymore because of her weight loss surgery! 

Stop the pity party, son. Behaving like a pathetic, whiny brat is not conducive to a marriage. Stop fixating on the things you WANT, which she has already vetoed. Focus on the hot sex you are having with her (when she allows it..since you've been behaving like a jackass).


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, 3 years ago I enjoyed red wine, gin and tonic, milk chocolate and roast lamb. These days I can't stand the taste of alcohol, am more or less vegetarian and prefer dark chocolate. Our tastes change. Just because we enjoy something for a certain period of time, doesn't mean that we are obliged to keep on liking it. 

In the case of something like anal, I should imagine it isn't just a case of taste because, from what I've heard, it can be extremely painful and unpleasant.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

Well she is his wife not a obedient lap dog she has a choise not to do something she finds painfull. Just because you don't get that one thing at home but you get everything else dosnt give you the god given right to seek it else where outsode your marriage end of story.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Alright men... Go shove vibrators up your butts, pump it in and out for about a good half hour to an hour and repeat daily. Hell repeat more then once daily. Common sense and logic says the rectum is an exit only. People claiming of bait and switch really need to take a step back and think long and hard about that. 

Three years isnt an all of a sudden thing. Peoples tastes, likes, dislikes, ect change over time as do thier wants and needs. Its really shocking to see how so many throw out simple common sense and logic in situations like this. Women are not mind readers, women are not playthings, women do have feelings, thoughts, likes, dislikes, ect as well. 

No I am not turning this into a man vs woman thing either. I tell women the same thing when they throw temler tantrums, have unreasonable and unrealistic expectations as well. I find it hard to believe so many go into a marriage or relationship and ignorantly expect thier spouse to do everything they possibly can to accomidate the other and make them happy... Then when things dont go the happily ever after route.... Its suddenly bait and switch, or thier controlling. 

I swear it seems as if so many... Both men and women act as if the other isnt suppose to have a mind of thier own or be different. Compromise goes both ways people... Not just one.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nice post Gaia and I agree with you

However I do believe as well that his wife HAS been leading him on and that's not right. Like in the case of exhibitionism, my wife just said no, and it's not happening, still was accomodating to my fantasies but she was honest with me. OP's wife however... tsk tsk



> Go shove vibrators up your butts, pump it in and out for about a good half hour to an hour and repeat daily


Ironically that's my line when my wife offered up her butthole. No thanks!!! Shove it up there and tell me you prefer it there instead of where it belongs, THEN I'll do it. 

I've never had anal sex brought up since lol


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol random. I do agree that its a shame on her if she wasnt honest with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Lol random. I do agree that its a shame on her if she wasnt honest with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish she would come here to post. With out the 'rest of the story' it's hard to know if she was not honest with him


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I wish she would come here to post. With out the 'rest of the story' it's hard to know if she was not honest with him


I agree ele.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Common sense and logic says the rectum is an exit only.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Common sense and logic?If so,how is anal sex possible then?The anus may not have been MADE for penetration,but if it was "exit only"then anal sex would be completely impossible and not pleasurable for anybody.


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Common sense and logic?If so,how is anal sex possible then?The anus may not have been MADE for penetration,but if it was "exit only"then anal sex would be completely impossible and not pleasurable for anybody.


Some take pleasure in pain your logic is flawed. Anal sex is not pleasureable people just keep doing it till it dose feel good.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Common sense and logic?If so,how is anal sex possible then?The anus may not have been MADE for penetration,but if it was "exit only"then anal sex would be completely impossible and not pleasurable for anybody.


If we were meant to have anal sex, we would produce the lubrication necessary for it. Sorry, but I don't want something inside my vagina after it has been in my ass... doesn't matter how long in between. Not gonna happen.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

thegatewalker said:


> Some take pleasure in pain your logic is flawed. Anal sex is not pleasureable people just keep doing it till it dose feel good.


He's just irritated because his wife said no... and now he has to go the rest of his life never knowing how it feels. LOL I'm 37 years old. I'm cool with never knowing. My husband is 31... he's DEFINITELY cool with never knowing.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Screw it. Jack, anal isn't a NEED, it's a WANT. It's a WANT so bad for you that you were actually contemplating going to a prostitute JUST so you could experience anal sex. Because, after all, you couldn't POSSIBLY be expected to never, ever, ever experience something you WANT, for the rest of your life, right? Oh, but it's not enough that you would go to a prostitute, but you wouldn't even tell your wife that you are contemplating cheating on her....you would just do it, to get your rocks off.


I'm actually over the anal sex thing....As far as asking my wife for it.I still want to do it,but no is no.Maybe one day she'll come around.I still feel like women are a bit sexually uptight in this regard.Everything doesn't have to be so straightforward.Married couples need variety in the bedroom because they're having sex with the same person over and over.Anal sex could potentially "spice up the marriage"so to speak.Perhaps a lot of wives should see it this way.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ok. I know I said I was done with this but "Women are uptight about this"? :rofl:

MEN are uptight about it too. My husband doesn't even like me pretending to put my finger up his ass. Good grief. It's a poop shoot. Gross.

It's her butthole. FFS.

She has a nose and ears too and I don't see people all upset because no ear sex. God.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I'm actually over the anal sex thing....As far as asking my wife for it.I still want to do it,but no is no.Maybe one day she'll come around.I still feel like women are a bit sexually uptight in this regard.Everything doesn't have to be so straightforward.Married couples need variety in the bedroom because they're having sex with the same person over and over.Anal sex could potentially "spice up the marriage"so to speak.Perhaps a lot of wives should see it this way.


As has been stated on at least one of your threads, there are many other ways to spice things up. Some people don't like pain, not even the POTENTIAL for pain. That isn't just women, men feel that way as well. I'd like to know how I am uptight about it. I was the one who had considered it in the first place. My husband was on the fence. Then I read articles on medical sites, including WebMD. The risks listed there clinched it more than anecdotes from friends. There's no way I will do it now. Not when I know the risks. Perhaps a lot of husbands should try having anal performed on them before they get insistent upon their wives participating in it to "spice things up".


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Perhaps a lot of husbands should try having anal performed on them before they get insistent upon their wives participating in it to "spice things up".


Well I know the bisexual ones do. They say that all men should try it. Errr, to each their own I say...


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

that_girl said:


> Ok. I know I said I was done with this but "Women are uptight about this"? :rofl:
> 
> MEN are uptight about it too. My husband doesn't even like me pretending to put my finger up his ass. Good grief. It's a poop shoot. Gross.
> 
> ...


just because you dont like it doesnt mean that all women dont like it...
Its not painful with the right amount of preperation..
Women give birth through their vaginas, breastfeed with their breasts..doesnt stop them from bein explored
sexually...
Why can some people orgasm through anal sex? Not saying its made for sex, the mouth also wasn't
“made“ to give bjs was it?
I dont believe in pressuring ur woman over and over about anal sex..but if both are into it
it can be an awesome experience..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

um dude, women don't pee out of their vaginas


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Dollystanford said:


> um dude, women don't pee out of their vaginas


lol ****..edit
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Dollystanford said:


> um dude, women don't pee out of their vaginas


Dollystandford is correct, they pee out of their anuses


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Why would you want or insist to cause your wife physical pain?

That's extremely selfish of you.

Women can even experience V pain from intercourse after years of performing prior without issues. It hurts like hell for some time and the pain doesn't magically disappear. Especially if there are chronic UTI/Kidney, bladder, ect. issues that happen later in life.

How could you get angry at something that is medically an issue. This is not bait and switch at all.

The same goes for anal. Tears, polyps and hemmroids really hurt. Plus they cause bleeding as well.


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## Ina (Dec 3, 2012)

First I didn't read all the posts, just first page and last two. Second, I'm a bit angry so excuse the tone:

I've read several threads where men are constantly telling women how we do not understand their sexuality. . . This has been said in many contexts, but usually to excuse some behavior that a partner may not like etc., and how women incorrectly women "read" into the behavior. 

So I'd like to extend the same argument inversely here. If a woman tells you she doesn't like something in bed, even if she allowed it or even liked it in the past, but for whatever reason her desire, reaction, whatever has changed that now she tells you nope not into it anymore - there is a very good freaking chance that she means exactly what she says and merely expects that you respect her damn choice. 

I've heard, it's my penis, my wife is not going to tell me what to do with it. Well it's her damn anus, she gets to decide what she does or doesn't do with it. 

This notion that every decision women make in the bedroom is about some manipulative game of bait and switch is a bit ridiculous. Oh she's not giving me what I want, she must be trying to punish me somehow or get me to do something, she's trying to control me . . . Perhaps it's just she's not giving me what I want because it's no longer what she wants. It may just be about her! And perhaps it's you who needs to accommodate for a change.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Common sense and logic?If so,how is anal sex possible then?The anus may not have been MADE for penetration,but if it was "exit only"then anal sex would be completely impossible and not pleasurable for anybody.


Anal is possible because people make it possible. Have you ever had anything shoved up your rectum jack? If so you will know that anal is very painful and not pleasurable. The only time it is pleasurable is when one is really turned on, relaxed, plenty of lube is used and things are taken nice and slow. I am speaking from experience here. 

Its real easy for a man to say its pleasurable. Well of course it is for you. You are doing the penetrating, not being penetrated. Just because there is a hole doesnt mean it is made for sex. 

For the record, I have no issue with spicing up ones sex life. What I have an Issue with is all this bullcrud sense of entitlement and self centered thinking. Sex should be enjoyable for both partners. Not just one. 

One spouse should not pressure the other into doing something they arent comfortable doing.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Dollystandford is correct, they pee out of their anuses


You learn something new every day about your own body!


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## bbesgiant (Dec 16, 2012)

She's complaining about pain but still lets you use your finger... It seems you haven't asked her but do ask her if she finds pleasure with your finger and if she'd do it if it were painless. If she would, here's how to make it painless.

All anal advice revolves around the same basic rules: Both partners must be willing; have to help her relax; communication; patience; lots of lube; go slow and in small increments in size; be hygiene conscious; anal douche (not enema); comfortable positions; breathing techniques, mutual trust, lots of foreplay and stimulation, etc.

All this is good advice, but there is a real secret no one seems to put into words. It is pretty anatomical. I found it researching for the anatomy of the anus.

OK so we have two sphincters. The external is pretty controllable. The internal is another story. No matter how much you do or advice you follow, if you don't let the internal sphincter relax ON IT'S OWN, It's going to hurt before, during and after.

Here is how: First, LISTEN TO HER! She should set the pace from start to finish or you'll never do this again. Follow all previous advice and start slowly inserting one finger. Gently do some stroking while she relaxes her external sphincter until you are able to go in and out with ease and her anus doesn't contract as you slowly slide your finger out all the way. This means you and her have tamed her external sphincter and it's time for the "secret move".

Slowly insert a medium dildo past the external sphincter (now relaxed) and STOP at the first sign of pain. This means you reached and are pushing on the internal sphincter. (You can do this with your penis but it is hard to control) Maintain that position on the verge of pain for a minute or two or three, whatever it takes, while you caress, stroke and talk pretty to her. (She'll want pretty over dirty at this point!) The internal sphincter will then let go on it's own, letting the dildo, smoothly and painlessly, slide in. Keep it in for a little while, while you continue your foreplay. She's open and ready for your penis now. When you go there, you STILL have to go SLOW and ask her how's she doing as you go. If she says it hurts, STOP and give her internal sphincter time to open some more. Your penis will slide right in, as the dildo did. Do it slow and stop when you are all the way in, letting her recoup from the process and get to feel at ease. Caress her some more. When she gives you the go ahead... Enjoy! Your patience and understanding will be rewarded!

If everything goes painlessly well, she'll be able to have an incredible orgasm that way too, so you both gain.

If this works, don't abuse it but don't stay away from it for too long between sessions. A balanced dose of this as part of your sexual repertoire will make it more and more enjoyable as you both become familiar with the process and it becomes a loving, intimate experience.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Ina said:


> First I didn't read all the posts, just first page and last two. Second, I'm a bit angry so excuse the tone:
> 
> I've read several threads where men are constantly telling women how we do not understand their sexuality. . . This has been said in many contexts, but usually to excuse some behavior that a partner may not like etc., and how women incorrectly women "read" into the behavior.
> 
> ...


Yes, and yes. Women are flesh and blood human beings. We are not objects to serve men's impulsive sexual needs. All of this whining and crying over how the husband is entitled to anal sex is overlooking the fact that over time preferences and needs change, from both men and women.

I have problems with the term "bait and switch", because it implies that the woman lies to the man in order to marry them. All women who preferences change after marriage are not lying, they are maturing. If a woman marries at 20, do you think that her preferences will stay the same throughout life, having babies, and natural maturing of the body. No, it changes. Hello, are you listening men?:scratchhead: Marriage is a changing thing, it is not static.

I guess the cliche is true that men marry women hoping that they stay the same and women marry men hoping they change. The first part is true, not so much the second, lol.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

bbesgiant said:


> She's complaining about pain but still lets you use your finger... It seems you haven't asked her but do ask her if she finds pleasure with your finger and if she'd do it if it were painless. If she would, here's how to make it painless.
> 
> All anal advice revolves around the same basic rules: Both partners must be willing; have to help her relax; communication; patience; lots of lube; go slow and in small increments in size; be hygiene conscious; anal douche (not enema); comfortable positions; breathing techniques, mutual trust, lots of foreplay and stimulation, etc.
> 
> ...


This is an excellent post! Love it and thanks for putting it up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

marriedguy said:


> just because you dont like it doesnt mean that all women dont like it...
> Its not painful with the right amount of preperation..
> Women give birth through their vaginas, breastfeed with their breasts..doesnt stop them from bein explored
> sexually...
> ...


I never said I didn't like it. Read my posts, thanks.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I've heard, it's my penis, my wife is not going to tell me what to do with it. Well it's her damn anus, she gets to decide what she does or doesn't do with it.


Reminds me of a line in a comedy TV show once:
Wife: These are my boobs! I can do whatever I want with them
Husband: But... but!! I use them more than you!!!

lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bbesgiant said:


> She's complaining about pain but still lets you use your finger... It seems you haven't asked her but do ask her if she finds pleasure with your finger and if she'd do it if it were painless. If she would, here's how to make it painless.
> 
> ......


A finger is much smaller than most penises. So fingering not hurting has little to no bearing on anal sex.

Your instructions would not make anal painless in many instances…such as a person who has suffered prior damage due to anal sex. Plus a person just might not want to take the risk of more damage.

She has the right to not want anal sex. No woman owes . How hard is that to understand?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Originally Posted by bbesgiant View Post
> She's complaining about pain but still lets you use your finger... It seems you haven't asked her but do ask her if she finds pleasure with your finger and if she'd do it if it were painless. If she would, here's how to make it painless.





> Ellegirl: A finger is much smaller than most penises. So fingering not hurting has little to no bearing on anal sex.
> 
> All your cook book instaructions would not make anal painless in many instances…such as a person who has suffered prior damage due to anal sex. Plus a person just might not want to take the risk of more damage.
> 
> She has the right to not want anal sex. No woman owes . How hard is that to understand?


:iagree:

Marriage, and life in general, can have so many things that we need to compromise and/or work on, but, IMO, this just isn't one of them.

I have sex with my partner for the sheer pleasure of it, and there's little that I wouldn't do to please him. However, learning techniques to minimalise/ overcome pain in order to prevent damage to my butt just isn't one of them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Marriage, and life in general, can have so many things that we need to compromise and/or work on, but, IMO, this just isn't one of them.
> 
> I have sex with my partner for the sheer pleasure of it, and there's little that I wouldn't do to please him. However, learning techniques to minimalise/ overcome pain in order to prevent damage to my butt just isn't one of them.


TAM is corrupting me...  I have searched a lot of porn sites in that last two days as 'research' for threads on porn.

One thing I have noticed is that the percentage of it that's anal sex is really high. A lot higher and more main stream that I'd seen in the past.

What they don't tell viewers is that when those porn 'stars' engage in anal sex they typically use topical pain killers.

Some of those women also end up needing to wear diapers for the rest of thier lives as well due to the damage caused.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh yea, the anal leakage for a couple days after anal is reallllllly hot. I'm so glad men can have something tight around their penises ...makes it worth it.

/snark.


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## Kronk (Dec 8, 2012)

Is it true that men who are obsessed with anal are too small to enjoy vaginal sex?


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Kronk said:


> Is it true that men who are obsessed with anal are too small to enjoy vaginal sex?


No.It has nothing to do with that.We just want to feel a tighter hole around our penis.How small does a guy actually have to be to not be able to have vaginal sex?I would think they would have to be considerably below average....Those men probably make up a really small percentage of the overall male population.I'm 5 and a half inches which is considered average and I enjoy sex...


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> TAM is corrupting me...  I have searched a lot of porn sites in that last two days as 'research' for threads on porn.
> 
> One thing I have noticed is that the percentage of it that's anal sex is really high. A lot higher and more main stream that I'd seen in the past.
> 
> ...


The problem seems to be that there are some who gain the impression that this is so much the norm that they feel deprived if they're not allowed to add it to their repetoire...


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## Kronk (Dec 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> No.It has nothing to do with that.We just want to feel a tighter hole around our penis.How small does a guy actually have to be to not be able to have vaginal sex?I would think they would have to be considerably below average....Those men probably make up a really small percentage of the overall male population.I'm 5 and a half inches which is considered average and I enjoy sex...


Sorry dude but if your obsessed with feeling something tighter you may be a little on the small side. If anal does not hurt your partner and she is ok with it.....enjoy :smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> The problem seems to be that there are some who gain the impression that this is so much the norm that they feel deprived if they're not allowed to add it to their repetoire...


Porn is giving many that impression. A very small percentage of the population actually engages in anal sex... less than 20%. I belive the number was about 12% of women.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jack I said:


> No.It has nothing to do with that.We just want to feel a tighter hole around our penis.How small does a guy actually have to be to not be able to have vaginal sex?I would think they would have to be considerably below average....Those men probably make up a really small percentage of the overall male population.I'm 5 and a half inches which is considered average and I enjoy sex...


There are toys that are tight holes. Get one.Then you can experience an tight hole to your hearts content.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Or, you can just show your wife stuff like this:
How to Make Your Vagina Tighter: Exercises, Home Remedies, Muscle tightening

Hell I even went and fetched for ya, so do I get a bone? 

Enjoyable for BOTH partners rather than resorting to the fire exit!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well how about this then.

She doesn't like it, don't do it.

She is your life partner not a sex toy.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Lets be completely clear here. The anus is NOT made to accept anything forced into it but IS made to transfer waste out. Simples. 
There are occasions when anal sex can becpme painful "all of a sudden". This can be following the onset of Hemorrhoids, small tearing events after a period of constipation which then creates scarring on the inside area of the anus. For any male who has yet to have a digital examiination of the prostate let me tell yu its like having a rolling pin jammed in your rear end and damn well hurts. 
If a partner does stop this sexual practice then I fell the partner should respect that. She hasnt stopped the whole practice as she does still enjoy anal massage. Take time and let it happen if its going to happen as pushing her will cause her to be tense when trying and that leads to pain....


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

The ins and outs of anal sex have been thrashed to bits on this forum. 
Some like it some don't. 
We do, but we use some preparation. Condoms, lubrication, time. 
It's not an everyday occurrence, just something that we do to add a little spice.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Marriage, and life in general, can have so many things that we need to compromise and/or work on, but, IMO, this just isn't one of them.
> 
> I have sex with my partner for the sheer pleasure of it, and there's little that I wouldn't do to please him. However, learning techniques to minimalise/ overcome pain in order to prevent damage to my butt just isn't one of them.


Lol ok his post is excellent for those wanting anal.... I suppose?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Kronk said:


> Is it true that men who are obsessed with anal are too small to enjoy vaginal sex?


No.. Not true. I initiated the anal with my man because I wanted to experiemce it and thought he might enjoy it. He was iffy at first but then discovered he rather enjoyed it and would probably do it as ofyen as he could. He is above average btw but I did tell him it would only be done when I wanted to do it and he must take it easy every time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Kronk said:


> Sorry dude but if your obsessed with feeling something tighter you may be a little on the small side. If anal does not hurt your partner and she is ok with it.....enjoy :smthumbup:


When you don't have a valid argument, just accuse the man of having a small ****. Ah, the work of a simple mind.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

As a woman, I love anal. But I can't do it all the time because it can hurt sometimes. If it became painful a majority of the time, you can bet your arse that it would be off the table. I don't have sex to hurt or be uncomfortable. I wouldn't ask my SO to do something that hurt him and I certainly wouldn't pout over it either. There is plenty of other things to do that doesn't involve pain when it comes to loving your partner.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

acertriplex said:


> All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.


I realize I'm late to the conversation, so I apologize if this post is out of turn. 

Some women genuinely enjoy anal. Some women don't. If your wife says it hurts, _then it hurts_. Why did she do it when you dated? 

Here's another question: why do men romance their women when they're dating and then stop after marriage? 

Doing things in the dating relationship that you wouldn't normally do, and then stopping after marriage, seems to be a common occurrence. She likely loved you and wanted to make you happy. Now that you're married, she wants to be honest about the pain. 

If it hurt during the dating relationship, she should have been honest. But she wasn't. This doesn't mean she's trying to be controlling, just that she doesn't want to do it now. And, frankly, anal isn't that important. 

And yeah, it f*ing hurts!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But this isn't about anal...it's about him not listening when she says it hurts...and feels entitled to her butthole.

That's a bigger issue for me than anal. If people like anal, then go for it. Whatever. 

My husband is not small and likes anal. But he knows I am damaged down there so he doesn't pout about it. I got some vaginal tightening cream and WHOA DANG!  good shet.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Apparently it's a complete coincidence that she appeared to enjoy it, never complained of pain all during their courtship. Then magically on there wedding day some completely unrelated event turned her off to it. It just happened, no deception involved.


On the bait and switch thing:

I asked my husband before we married if he thought he'd ever be into anal sex. Since he was my first partner, I wanted to have an idea of what I could expect from our married sex life. His response? "Eew! Ick! Heck no!" And he wasn't being sarcastic. I told him that I didn't like the idea, and from what my mother had told me, it sounded ridiculously painful.

After we married? Less than six months after we married he starts wanting anal action. I was _not_ comfortable with it and he knew that. 

Is that a bait and switch too? Did my husband deceive me before we married just to appease me? Or did what he want just change? And yes, people change after marriage. It doesn't mean that they were deceptive.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Or maybe after years of penetration to her anus, she's had enough, it really does hurt. Maybe she should go to the doctor and get a doctors note excusing her from anal sex. 

Because you know, people can't EVER change their mind, even if it becomes unpleasant and painful. BAIT AND SWITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Is that a bait and switch too? Did my husband deceive me before we married just to appease me? Or did what he want just change? And yes, people change after marriage. It doesn't mean that they were deceptive.


Could be. I think it was deceptive at the very least. I doubt his feelings changed that quickly. I suspect he knew he wanted it when he said he didn't. 

Look at diwali's threads. She was deceived before marriage on cunilingus and the advice she received was vastly different than what this poster is getting.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And she can't force him to stay married, so no. It's not the end of story.


Sometimes things that don't hurt one year, can start hurting the next year. I forget who, but one of the women in this thread mentioned that it didn't hurt when she first started anal, but that the more they did it, the more it hurt. 

_Could_ she have thrown a bait and switch? Sure. But she also _could_ have been telling the truth the whole time.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Or maybe after years of penetration to her anus, she's had enough, it really does hurt. Maybe she should go to the doctor and get a doctors note excusing her from anal sex.
> 
> Because you know, people can't EVER change their mind, even if it becomes unpleasant and painful. BAIT AND SWITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I wouldn't call it bait and switch if she changed her mind a year or two after marriage. He implied in his post that she changed her mind as soon as she was married. You can't see the difference?


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

We all did a lot of stuff that WAS hot before we got married and LOVED the one we're with.

you're married now, if you love her you will respect her wishes.

hell, I did a lot of stuff that was hot as hell, but degrading.......and I would never expect my wife to do it now...even though the loved it in the past does not mean she would or does love it now...


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Could be. I think it was deceptive at the very least. I doubt his feelings changed that quickly. I suspect he knew he wanted it when he said he didn't.
> 
> Look at diwali's threads. She was deceived before marriage on cunilingus and the advice she received was vastly different than what this poster is getting.


OP is gone and his post were too scant to assume any deception.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

What is cunilingus?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Gaia said:


> What is cunilingus?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Female oral.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

On my phone so maybe I spelled it wrong. It's oral sex on a woman. Diwali told her then boyfriend that it was extremely important to her. He told her he loved it. Did it enthusiastically. Then after they got married he came up with an excuse and stopped doing it. It's the exact same issue.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I'm actually over the anal sex thing....As far as asking my wife for it.I still want to do it,but no is no.Maybe one day she'll come around.I still feel like women are a bit sexually uptight in this regard.Everything doesn't have to be so straightforward.Married couples need variety in the bedroom because they're having sex with the same person over and over.Anal sex could potentially "spice up the marriage"so to speak.Perhaps a lot of wives should see it this way.


Letting your wife shove a didlo up you anus would add some spice too. Ever thought of giving her the chance to? Or are you too "uptight"?


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Ok. I know I said I was done with this but "Women are uptight about this"? :rofl:
> 
> MEN are uptight about it too. My husband doesn't even like me pretending to put my finger up his ass. Good grief. It's a poop shoot. Gross.
> 
> ...


No kidding. My husband knows that, until he's willing to let me finger his anus, not to ask for anal from me. It's a double standard. Either the rules apply to both spouses, or they shouldn't apply at all. 

If men want their wives to put themselves through physical pain, they should give them a chance to show them how it feels.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> On my phone so maybe I spelled it wrong. It's oral sex on a woman. Diwali told her then boyfriend that it was extremely important to her. He told her he loved it. Did it enthusiastically. Then after they got married he came up with an excuse and stopped doing it. It's the exact same issue.


In one aspect perhaps but its not the same as anal sex. He could have just stopped liking it... There wouldnt be any serious damage to him giving her cvnt a tounge lashing vs a woman getting something large and thick shoved up her rectum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> On my phone so maybe I spelled it wrong. It's oral sex on a woman. Diwali told her then boyfriend that it was extremely important to her. He told her he loved it. Did it enthusiastically. Then after they got married he came up with an excuse and stopped doing it. It's the exact same issue.


Does giving oral sex cause bad pain for him?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I just think it's funny that men talk about anal sex like it's no big deal....because they haven't even tried it.  Whatevs.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Gaia said:


> In one aspect perhaps but its not the same as anal sex. He could have just stopped liking it... There wouldnt be any serious damage to him giving her cvnt a tounge lashing vs a woman getting something large and thick shoved up her rectum.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doesn't seem to matter to some people. The only thing that matters is that anal was taken away, no excuses.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Letting your wife shove a didlo up you anus would add some spice too. Ever thought of giving her the chance to? Or are you too "uptight"?


No,she has no interest in that...It is not relevant....It would be if that was something she wanted to do...Women keep saying "let your wife stick a dildo up your butt"and things of that nature.But thats not what people normally do in sex.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Could be. I think it was deceptive at the very least. I doubt his feelings changed that quickly. I suspect he knew he wanted it when he said he didn't.
> 
> Look at diwali's threads. She was deceived before marriage on cunilingus and the advice she received was vastly different than what this poster is getting.


I don't think it was deceptive at all. I think we got married, our sex life was even more passionate than it was when we were dating, and he was anxious to feel even closer to me. 

How many times does it have to be said that anal sex can become painful over time? There are other options besides deception.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Jack I said:


> No,she has no interest in that...It is not relevant....It would be if that was something she wanted to do...Women keep saying "let your wife stick a dildo up your butt"and things of that nature.But thats not what people normally do in sex.


She apparently has no interest in having it done on her either, so it also isn't relevant.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Gaia said:


> In one aspect perhaps but its not the same as anal sex. He could have just stopped liking it... There wouldnt be any serious damage to him giving her cvnt a tounge lashing vs a woman getting something large and thick shoved up her rectum.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In her case, her man is OCD and can't stand the smell. But he told her he loved doing it, and only changed his mind once they were married. In my book that's not ok. Sorry but in my book that is deception and it doesn't matter if it's oral sex, anal sex, or even something non-sexual. Deceiving your partner before marriage to avoid losing them, or to spare their feelings or for whatever reason is just wrong and not the way to start a healthy relationship. People on this thread really seem to misconstrue my words. I'm not trying to say she should give him anal or that he should demand it. It's just as wrong to want your wife to do something that hurts her.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Doesn't seem to matter to some people. The only thing that matters is that anal was taken away, no excuses.


You're putting words in my mouth. And your interpretation is not correct. What matters is that she gave it in the first place. What matters is that she pretended to like it so as not to lose him. I'm happy for her that she finally told him the truth. I just wish she had told him before marrying him.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> No,she has no interest in that...It is not relevant....It would be if that was something she wanted to do...Women keep saying "let your wife stick a dildo up your butt"and things of that nature.But thats not what people normally do in sex.


Actually... Yes it is. We say stick one up your rear so you can feel what she feels. Then come back and let us know if you like it and dont find it painful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You're putting words in my mouth. And your interpretation is not correct. What matters is that she gave it in the first place. What matters is that she pretended to like it so as not to lose him. I'm happy for her that she finally told him the truth. I just wish she had told him before marrying him.


I wasn't talking to or about you, so I wasn't putting words in your mouth. She may of loved it, but overtime developed issues that cause pain. So she MAY of been telling the truth the entire time. I used to have no pain with anal sex, but recently I've experienced a few painful times. I don't like it, it makes me sad, because eventually I MAY have to take it off the menu. I am not going to risk my health and possibly my life for a dong in my butt.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Anal sex isn't normal either. But we all do "unnormal" things in sex. At least my H and I do.

But to get all butthurt (pun intended) about your wife saying anal hurts when you've never had it done to you, is not right. He thinks she's lying about it? LOL It hurts.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> In her case, her man is OCD and can't stand the smell. But he told her he loved doing it, and only changed his mind once they were married. In my book that's not ok. Sorry but in my book that is deception and it doesn't matter if it's oral sex, anal sex, or even something non-sexual. Deceiving your partner before marriage to avoid losing them, or to spare their feelings or for whatever reason is just wrong and not the way to start a healthy relationship. People on this thread really seem to misconstrue my words. I'm not trying to say she should give him anal or that he should demand it. It's just as wrong to want your wife to do something that hurts her.


I agree that dishonesty is wrong however I am understanding if people have hang ups and embarrasments. My spouse lied to me about many things before we got together and I find out a new thing practically everyday however I believe its childish and uncalled for to resort to throwing something in thier face. Especially something like anal sex. I swear its as if some of you men think the woman is built to do this or that with. A womans anatomy isnt much different from a males... Especially not the rear area. 

After all... We do say a healthy relationship has compromise right? Well compromise goes both ways. If she is still letting him finger her anus.... She is compromising.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Actually... Yes it is. We say stick one up your rear so you can feel what she feels. Then come back and let us know if you like it and dont find it painful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I find it interesting that many TAM posters have mentioned the whole let your wife stick a dildo up your butt thing,but my wife never mentioned it.She denied me of anal sex,but didn't say anything about that....I respected her decision,in the sense that I'm done bringing it up with her...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Anal sex isn't normal either. But we all do "unnormal" things in sex. At least my H and I do.
> 
> But to get all butthurt (pun intended) about your wife saying anal hurts when you've never had it done to you, is not right. He thinks she's lying about it? LOL It hurts.


I'm all in favor of turning the tables on a man who wants anal. But I think you ladies might be going down the road of unintended consequences. The vast majority of men, if they can get past the homoerotic aspect of it, will find anal penetration very pleasurable. Stimulating the prostate is no joke. This would not be an apples to apples comparison. Try penetrating your man and he might walk away asking himself why you deny him something that is so pleasurable to the receiver.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl: If a husband desires it, then a wife should comply?

Holy crap. Forget about her needs and wants and desires for a calm butt.

It's a butt hole. Poop shoot. It isn't meant to OPEN like that.

Dear god. This thread.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm all in favor of turning the tables on a man who wants anal. But I think you ladies might be going down the road of unintended consequences. The vast majority of men, if they can get past the homoerotic aspect of it, will find anal penetration very pleasurable. Stimulating the prostate is no joke. This would not be an apples to apples comparison. Try penetrating your man and he might walk away asking himself why you deny him something that is so pleasurable to the receiver.


YES! I had a boyfriend who looooved anal play. Not with dildos but...other things.

However, it would be tender after a while and I'd stop. I wouldn't get all pouty about it.

I brought it up with my husband at first and he was like "Hell to the no" and I didn't even press the issue.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Jack I said:


> No,she has no interest in that...It is not relevant....It would be if that was something she wanted to do...Women keep saying "let your wife stick a dildo up your butt"and things of that nature.But thats not what people normally do in sex.


She's also not interested in letting you give anal to her. 

So, let it go. Don't mention it. And stop being upset about it. 

Also, given the statistics, most people don't engage in anal sex either.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Jack I said:


> But at the end of the day,if their husbands desire it,than it is something all wives should comply with.


I do not agree with this at all. And I think the vast majority of men would also disagree. 

Wives should comply? Where on earth did you come up with that notion?


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You're putting words in my mouth. And your interpretation is not correct. What matters is that she gave it in the first place. What matters is that she pretended to like it so as not to lose him. I'm happy for her that she finally told him the truth. I just wish she had told him before marrying him.


The point being made is that it's possible that she _did_ enjoy it, and over time, it just became too painful.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I find it interesting that many TAM posters have mentioned the whole let your wife stick a dildo up your butt thing,but my wife never mentioned it.She denied me of anal sex,but didn't say anything about that....I respected her decision,in the sense that I'm done bringing it up with her...But at the end of the day,if their husbands desire it,than it is something all wives should comply with.


Your wife isnt like all women nor are other women like your wife. If you respected her decision then great but I disagree with all wives should comply to what thier husbands desire. I am of the mindset that both husband and wife should respect each other enough to not pressure the other into doing something they dont want to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I find it interesting that many TAM posters have mentioned the whole let your wife stick a dildo up your butt thing,but my wife never mentioned it.She denied me of anal sex,but didn't say anything about that....I respected her decision,in the sense that I'm done bringing it up with her...But at the end of the day,*if their husbands desire it,than it is something all wives should comply with.*


!!!!

NO. It's *painful*! I thank God my husband doesn't think like this. I would divorce him in a second if he put his own sexual gratification over my physical well being. That's sick.

What if a husband desires threesomes and the wife isn't okay with it? Should she just comply?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would LOVE to finger my H's butt because I know he'd like it. But he is sooo against it. Fine. Not going to make a big thing about it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> The point being made is that it's possible that she _did_ enjoy it, and over time, it just became too painful.


And suddenly on her wedding day she discovered that it was painful and she decided to stop? Really? I've already said that I wouldn't call bait and switch if she changed her mind a year later.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I didn't see where it said ON the wedding day she stopped.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I find it interesting that many TAM posters have mentioned the whole let your wife stick a dildo up your butt thing,but my wife never mentioned it.She denied me of anal sex,but didn't say anything about that....I respected her decision,in the sense that I'm done bringing it up with her...But at the end of the day,if their husbands desire it,than it is something all wives should comply with.


WOW. Really? I have no words at the moment. But I'm sure after I return from bashing my head into the cement, I will come up with something equally as amazing as the last line there.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And suddenly on her wedding day she discovered that it was painful and she decided to stop? Really? I've already said that I wouldn't call bait and switch if she changed her mind a year later.


Did he say it was on their wedding day?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

acertriplex said:


> Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore.


This is what I'm taking to mean she stopped immediately after marriage. OP is long gone, but if he would clarify this point it would definitely affect my opinion.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How do you know it was immediately? He said "now we're married"....could have happened a bit after THE DAY of marriage.

Maybe a hemmie popped. That's always fun


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

YOU WILL COMPLY. RESISTANCE is FUTILE.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl:

Amg. :banghead:


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> *And suddenly on her wedding day she discovered that it was painful and she decided to stop?* Really? I've already said that I wouldn't call bait and switch if she changed her mind a year later.


I didn't read any of this in the original thread or any response by the OP later... We simply don't have enough information to suspect anything about what was said prior to marriage. Or any other aspects dealing with this particular situation. I could go on and speculate all sorts of stuff about this thread, but it is meaningless. The OP is gone and he simply has not said enough to warrant what appears to be a useless argument. Twelve pages and ~170 post and we are discussing something the OP no longer wants to discuss.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

That doesn't at all mean the same day, or the next day, or the week after. It could have been months after marriage.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

that_girl said:


> How do you know it was immediately? He said "now we're married"....could have happened a bit after THE DAY of marriage.
> 
> Maybe a hemmie popped. That's always fun


Gross. 

You know that I never push for anal right? I mean, we've done it a handful of times, but never at my urging. And hemorrhoids after children pretty much put an end to it for us. We've done it twice since having kids.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And one more thing:

IT'S HER ASS! Gawdam. If my husband's penis was sore (as it's been before) and I wanted sex, I wouldn't pout and act stupid about it. The OP has sex with his wife. He's putting too much on anal. Good god.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Gross.
> 
> You know that I never push for anal right? I mean, we've done it a handful of times, but never at my urging. And hemorrhoids after children pretty much put an end to it for us. We've done it twice since having kids.


Yea. Kids kinda killed it for us too. that, and "the incident". :rofl:


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> YOU WILL COMPLY. RESISTANCE is FUTILE.


I don't mean it like it that.The OP's wife situation is different because she has had anal before.And she now says it hurts.So in that situation,no she should not comply.They should go to the doctor and see if any damage has been done to the anus,and go from there.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> YOU WILL COMPLY. RESISTANCE is FUTILE.


Best post ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jack I said:


> No,she has no interest in that...It is not relevant....It would be if that was something she wanted to do...Women keep saying "let your wife stick a dildo up your butt"and things of that nature.But thats not what people normally do in sex.


Since only about 12% of women ever have anal sex... Anal is also not waht people normally do in sex.

There are heterosexual men who enjoy anal play and pegging. It's more enjoyable for men then it is for women because it stimulates their prostate gland. Women don't have one of those.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> That doesn't at all mean the same day, or the next day, or the week after. It could have been months after marriage.


I'm beating a dead horse and I have to get to work. I'm going to make one last point and then call it good for this thread. 

You're a writer. You know how this works. OP was clearly linking her mind change with getting married. If he had said "now she's fat she doesn't like anal" he would have been linking it with her weight. If he had said "now she's 40 she doesn't like anal" he would have been linking it with her age. He could have said "now that she's dyed her hair". But he didn't. The OP associated the change of heart with getting married. That was the trigger according to him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well...if he can't live without a butthole to have sex with, then maybe divorce so it doesn't spiral out of control.

Silly to me. But whatevs.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm beating a dead horse and I have to get to work. I'm going to make one last point and then call it good for this thread.
> 
> You're a writer. You know how this works. OP was clearly linking her mind change with getting married. If he had said "now she's fat she doesn't like anal" he would have been linking it with her weight. If he had said "now she's 40 she doesn't like anal" he would have been linking it with her age. He could have said "now that she's dyed her hair". But he didn't. The OP associated the change of heart with getting married. That was the trigger according to him.


I get this. This makes sense. 

But it doesn't mean that marriage _is_ what caused her to change. That is really my only issue and I felt that you were refusing to acknowledge that. I apologize if I was wrong.


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## nevergoback (Dec 5, 2012)

What an emotional invoking thread. Anal can be great and can be horrible. 
In my experience tears and rips = to fast, not enough playtime and to much to early in ..... hmmm.. how to put this.. developing tolerance. 
Butt plugs are fabulous little things that come in graduated sizes. 

Going to the nasty zone here.. but it's not the comfort for me that mainly makes me not want it. It's picking the best time to have it. If you get my drift, I'm not feeling it's an "ok" time for me if we ate a big steak and potato dinner last night if you get my point. ewwww

The aftermath is quite a bit of nonsense and embarrasing as well. I rarely if ever will let a gasser out in front of my boyfriend of 7 years. I can say maybe 5 times he has heard me do that. After the A-Coaster, I'm running to the toilet every 5 minutes to dispose of the evidence and get rid of the pumped in air. 

The best part in my opinion is the difference in the Orgasm and changing to a submissive type of role. I love that part. 

The other thing is the supporting help I get from the Bf during. talking, lube, playing with the button, lube , calming me, lube, reminding me to relax. If he didn't put all that care and attention to making sure he was not hurting I can say I would not like it half as much. 

It really isn't as simple as just slowly putting it in. That still hurts.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I find it interesting that many TAM posters have mentioned the whole let your wife stick a dildo up your butt thing,but my wife never mentioned it.She denied me of anal sex,but didn't say anything about that....I respected her decision,in the sense that I'm done bringing it up with her...*But at the end of the day,if their husbands desire it,than it is something all wives should comply with.*


So... if my husband desires hitting me, I should comply with it? If he desires to sh!t on me, I should comply? Are you fvcking KIDDING me? All in the name of sex, and spicing up the sex life. Bullsh!t. 

Incidentally, my husband has no desire to do anything like that, thank God. And even if he did, I'd tell him exactly what he could do with those desires, on his way OUT THE DOOR if he was that insistent! My God, man, get your head out of your ass...or rather, OFF your WIFE'S ass!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I don't mean it like it that.The OP's wife situation is different because she has had anal before.And she now says it hurts.So in that situation,no she should not comply.They should go to the doctor and see if any damage has been done to the anus,and go from there.


Dude, just stop. No one is OBLIGATED to have anal sex with their spouses, no matter how much they may want it. Give it up, Jack. Your wife doesn't want it, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO IT! She doesn't have to comply just because YOU want it. She is a human being with feelings. maybe you should think about that, hmmm?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I find it interesting that many TAM posters have mentioned the whole let your wife stick a dildo up your butt thing,but my wife never mentioned it.She denied me of anal sex,but didn't say anything about that....I respected her decision,in the sense that I'm done bringing it up with her...But at the end of the day,if their husbands desire it,than it is something all wives should *comply* with.


Lesson here: Never, every use the word "complay" about anything have to do with sex. No one is obligated to comply with anythings having to with comply..

Spouses do not have to 'comply' with anythings their spouse wants them to do... in or out of the bedroom


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. That just sounds creepy and abusive.

Sex offenders get people to "comply". My molester was good at that. F that shet.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

anal prenup?


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> anal prenup?


I feel like I need a shower after reading that out loud.


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## Kronk (Dec 8, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> When you don't have a valid argument, just accuse the man of having a small ****. Ah, the work of a simple mind.


Strike a nerve did it? What is your valid argument in your comment Einstein?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I have a fetish where I like to put catheters up inside my man's penis. It's a must, if I can't do that, there is no joy for me. So he must comply, because if he doesn't, I will pout and cry foul, whaaaa whaaa whaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care if he enjoys it or not, HE OWES IT TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, and that conversation would sail over like a lead balloon and rightfully, I would be without a man.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

It seems like "Butt Sex" brings out a lot of strong emotions. I don't think it's that big of a deal, but in the interest of full disclosure my wife will occasionally want me to go through the backdoor. When it comes to the bedroom, the idea of catching more flies with honey than with vinegar is a good phrase to keep in mind. 

Last night the wife and had sex and she wanted me to do anal with her. It was enjoyable to her, but more probably from the overall eroticism included as opposed to the sensation of it in and of itself. To get there it started with the two of us surfing the net together looking at different things to purchase. I was sitting to her right and I was caressing her right inner thigh and caressing her hind end - paying a good bit of attention to her more intimate areas in her behind. Even for a woman, the anus can be an erogenous zone along with the inner thigh, the neck, etc... But the point I'm trying to make is that I didn't ask for it. I got her excited by playing around certain sensitive areas and she asked for it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"if you think it hurts when I fvck you in the ass, just wait until my lawyer has his turn"


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

okay, so I don't really advise to say that


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

These stories scare the crap out of me. How dangerously is it actually? We've had some very pleasurable experiences with it, we take a lot of time and care but apparently it can just go wrong like that and then she's ****ed (eh..) for the rest of her life?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> When it comes to the bedroom, the idea of catching more flies with honey than with vinegar is a good phrase to keep in mind.


To be accurate, you can probably capture the most flies with fecal matter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> anal prenup?


But will it hold up in court? :rofl:


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> But will it hold up in court? :rofl:


Why not, most court cases are full of crap anyway


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Since only about 12% of women ever have anal sex... Anal is also not waht people normally do in sex.


I think your numbers are getting out of date. That big recent survey on American sexual practices showed 20% of women 20-39 have tried it in the past year, and 40% of those 20-24 have tried it at least once.

The incidence is definitely on the increase.

Nonetheless, the argument that "eveyone's doing it" should not get you very far in the bedroom.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does giving oral sex cause bad pain for him?


Wait, what? Just because it doesn't hurt means it cannot be a valid reason? I agree that if you're uncomfortable with something you shouldn't be forced to do it... so why does that notion get thrown out of the window? What if there's a valid reason?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

acertriplex said:


> OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?


Agreed. Wedding cake maybe. But you have a chocie to make. Is this a deal breaker for you?

There is no point at all in pressuring her to do this.

Bait and switch? Perhaps. I think s=for some women the thrill of pre-marital sex allows them to be adventurous and so on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cletus said:


> I think your numbers are getting out of date. That big recent survey on American sexual practices showed 20% of women 20-39 have tried it in the past year, and 40% of those 20-24 have tried it at least once.
> 
> The incidence is definitely on the increase.
> 
> Nonetheless, the argument that "eveyone's doing it" should not get you very far in the bedroom.


I am sure that there are many sources of data available. If I can find the source again I'll post a link. A link to your source would be helpful as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Open up now let it all go said:


> Wait, what? Just because it doesn't hurt means it cannot be a valid reason? I agree that if you're uncomfortable with something you shouldn't be forced to do it... so why does that notion get thrown out of the window? What if there's a valid reason?


I was just checking.

Apprently for some even pain is not enough of a good reason... one ya some something ya gotta do it forever. Thems are the rules I'm learning here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Agreed. Wedding cake maybe. But you have a chocie to make. Is this a deal breaker for you?
> 
> There is no point at all in pressuring her to do this.
> 
> Bait and switch? Perhaps. I think s=for some women the thrill of pre-marital sex allows them to be adventurous and so on.


She says it hurts. That's not enough of a reason?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Rise in Anal sex article..
New Anal Sex Study - Womens Interest in Anal Sex - Marie Claire


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I am going to catch Hell for this but, has anyone read OP's profile? I think it may explain his "desire" for anal. 

Disclaimer: I am not saying it is remotely true for all males that engage in it.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I am sure that there are many sources of data available. If I can find the source again I'll post a link. A link to your source would be helpful as well.


The numbers I'm citing come from this study, although I've had to resort to second hand quotes because I can't find a free copy of the actual report anywhere.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine - Volume 7, Issue Supplement s5 - Findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University - Wiley Online Library

Slate had this article:
Why do women who have anal sex get more orgasms? - Slate Magazine

Jezebel this one:
Six Sexy Facts From The National Sex Study

And this one:
http://www.examiner.com/article/nsshb-40-percent-of-men-and-women-try-anal-sex-during-lifetime


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> She says it hurts. That's not enough of a reason?


It is enough of a reason for him not to expect this in his marriage. I told him not to pressure her.

I was replying to a man who is confused why his wife was ok with this before marriage and yet not right afterwards.

Please elaborate why you think it started to hurt her after she married. I bet there are any number of legitimate and not so legitimate reasons but I for one am accepting that it hurts her now and it is off the table and gone in this marriage.

But that said, I asked him if this was a dealbreaker for him.

Some women can be quite adventurous before marriage. Then decide that this hurts too much and they do not wish to do it further. 

Bait and switch is not uncommon in people as it pertains to sex, marriage, jobs, agreements and so on. Once a commitment has been made things can change. Bait and switch does not have to be a conscious act. But it still happens. Saying wedding cake is a euphimism for once the couple is married.

Note that I am not encouraging him to push her to do this. I am encouraging to weigh how important this is to him.

Again realize I my post is directed to a guy from Dallas Texas.

But anyway guys tend to expect to marry a woman and have passionate exciting single sex with them for the rest of their lives. Now I think married sex is wonderful. It involves different levels of intimacy and so on. I confess I like a little of that wild stuff from time to time ... with my wife.

Women expect to have that wild passionate desire and attenton from their husband the rest of their lives. Guys sometimes do the bait and switch as well. Intentional or not. men stop dating their wives. Big mistake.

Now as far as a discussion of anal sex I will leave that the experts on this thread.

To sum up. OP I suggest you let this one go unless it is a true dealbreaker.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I was just checking.
> 
> Apprently for some even pain is not enough of a good reason... one ya some something ya gotta do it forever. Thems are the rules I'm learning here.


Well pain is an obvious one. It's a sign of the body that you're doing something really wrong (let's not draw this out lol).

But putting anal sex in the closet for a moment, this issue goes much deeper and is much more complicated if you look further. Technically everything related to sex can be experienced as 'uncomfortable' by someone and I'm sure everyone has their limits as to what they want to accept giving up.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> I am going to catch Hell for this but, has anyone read OP's profile? I think it may explain his "desire" for anal.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not saying it is remotely true for all males that engage in it.


*Bisexual* :slap:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I am going to catch Hell for this but, has anyone read OP's profile? I think it may explain his "desire" for anal.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not saying it is remotely true for all males that engage in it.


LOL.

DING DING DING we have a winner.

That is hilarious. :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Ok. I admit it. I fell for it. 

I just want to be clear I do not actually live in Dallas proper.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Open up now let it all go said:


> Well pain is an obvious one. It's a sign of the body that you're doing something really wrong (let's not draw this out lol).
> 
> But putting anal sex in the closet for a moment, this issue goes much deeper and is much more complicated if you look further. Technically everything related to sex can be experienced as 'uncomfortable' by someone and I'm sure everyone has their limits as to what they want to accept giving up.


Hmmm... I'd say "uncomfortable" is one thing... pain is something else. My husband is uncomfortable with the idea of bringing toys into the bed... it wouldn't be painful (neither of us likes pain), but he just doesn't like the idea of using "things" to get me off. He would rather do it himself...even if it takes an hour LOL. But if there is anything that has even the slightest chance of hurting either him or me, there's no way we'd do it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> She says it hurts. That's not enough of a reason?


I will double down my answer to you to be crystal clear.

It is in my marriage. I am fine with this. 

But not everyone is it seems. 

There was no bait and switch in my case.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Hmmm... I'd say "uncomfortable" is one thing... pain is something else. My husband is uncomfortable with the idea of bringing toys into the bed... it wouldn't be painful (neither of us likes pain), but he just doesn't like the idea of using "things" to get me off. He would rather do it himself...even if it takes an hour LOL. But if there is anything that has even the slightest chance of hurting either him or me, there's no way we'd do it.


In the general sense it is best to get this stuff worked out before marriage.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

But I take it there's no issue arising from that 'uncomfortableness'. At least I cannot deduce from your post that there is.

I've experienced it at least with one (common) aspect of sex that my partner is just not... into it. It's a bummer, but yeah what are you going to do about it? And in my case that's just one thing, really no problem considering the rest of the sex life. 

But I've seen posts on here from people stuck to partners that seem to find sex as a whole uncomfortable. I doubt anyone's going to tell us that that is an acceptable situation. So apparently, as always, there's a gray area that's largely dependent on what people are willing to accept within their relationship.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> In the general sense it is best to get this stuff worked out before marriage.


It never came up before we got married. He was a virgin and I had only had 2 previous partners, having slept with each only once. I knew nothing about toys or anything before we got married. That subject only came up in the last few years.



Open up now let it all go said:


> But I take it there's no issue arising from that 'uncomfortableness'. At least I cannot deduce from your post that there is.


It's frustrating, but I still don't push him. He knows I have them. And I don't have anything big, just clit toys. Again, he knows this. He just isn't comfortable using them at this time. However, he has NO issue with my using numbing mints! LOL Go figure.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Please elaborate why you think it started to hurt her after she married. I bet there are any number of legitimate and not so legitimate reasons but I for one am accepting that it hurts her now and it is off the table and gone in this marriage.


I’ve had and enjoyed anal sex in the past… really enjoyed. Then I got a bad tear. The pain after that was escutiations. The tear started internally so I did not know I had it for a long time. All I knew is that I could not enjoy something anymore that I enjoyed in the past due serious pain. 
Now since that tiem (40 years ago) this tear has become a serios, lifelong issue for me because it does not heal correctly. It rips open all time and I start all over again with dealing with the problem.

Tears are very common from anal sex. They hurt, they become infected, and so forth. 

She could have an internal tear that she’s not aware of. She might have developed hemorrhoids which also cause pain and can rupture during anal sex.

There are others here who say that sometimes it hurts and other times not. Some have said that the number of times it hurts outweighs the number of times that it does not hurt. 


She says it hurts. That’s it.. it hurts. Being hurt by anal sex has no schedule, It if happens it happens. The pain might have started before they married or after. She does not want to experience the pain again. End of story.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Open up now let it all go said:


> Well pain is an obvious one. It's a sign of the body that you're doing something really wrong (let's not draw this out lol).
> 
> But putting anal sex in the closet for a moment, this issue goes much deeper and is much more complicated if you look further. Technically everything related to sex can be experienced as 'uncomfortable' by someone and I'm sure everyone has their limits as to what they want to accept giving up.


Um, you ever been on the receiving end of anal sex? Heve have your rectum torn, creating a tear that gets infect and never heals right for decades? Anal is in a class of it's own when it comes to "uncomfortable'... try excruciating.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Ok even if she likes anal it still hurts period. Women who like it still only want it at certain times and if you want her to have it again the smartest thing you can do is drop it and let her pick it back up again when she is ready.

Try to remember that unlike us dudes her body is the one that's being invaded by a foreign body so even though sex is enjoyable to her its totally different than us. Its always the women s choice. If you live by that standard you'll get more of it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I am going to catch Hell for this but, has anyone read OP's profile? I think it may explain his "desire" for anal.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not saying it is remotely true for all males that engage in it.



Damn I could have gone all day without that picture!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

drerio said:


> *Bisexual* :slap:


Damn... why the hell did I assume he was hetro? :scratchhead:
Well this changes things... so he's obviously had it up there himself.



> I’ve had and enjoyed anal sex in the past… really enjoyed. Then I got a bad tear. The pain after that was escutiations. The tear started internally so I did not know I had it for a long time. All I knew is that I could not enjoy something anymore that I enjoyed in the past due serious pain.


Yup, thats why I had to use a strong line with my wife when she offered it to me. She too found enjoyment in anal in the past, hence I told her to shove it up there and then to tell me she prefers it up there instead of where it's nice and warm. She prefers it where it's nice and warm, and could easily live without it. So that's that.

Besides she admitted to the pain so it's not something she truly enjoys, she can feel the pleasure from it, but she also prefers pure pleasure if she can help it. Also why she's not the bloodplay type (though I am)


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Um, you ever been on the receiving end of anal sex? Heve have your rectum torn, creating a tear that gets infect and never heals right for decades? Anal is in a class of it's own when it comes to "uncomfortable'... try excruciating.


I'm not sure why you posted this response - AFAIK I've completely agreed with you on your stance that this type of sexual interaction is non-negotiable if someone does not want to. For both risks and pain issues. You and that other girls posts have already alerted me and caused me to point out my girlfriend to the risks and dangers of this type of intercourse.

I was rather broadening the discussion to the rest of sex (non risk, non-painful at least) which might be refused for (valid) reasons.



Maricha75 said:


> It's frustrating, but I still don't push him. He knows I have them. And I don't have anything big, just clit toys. Again, he knows this. He just isn't comfortable using them at this time. However, he has NO issue with my using numbing mints! LOL Go figure.


Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know. I hope you can either figure things about it or find peace with it.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

acertriplex said:


> OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?


 Because you are married now, Which i don't get at all!

I mean if your man likes it, I don't see what the problem is with indulging in anal now and then.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Um, you ever been on the receiving end of anal sex? Heve have your rectum torn, creating a tear that gets infect and never heals right for decades? Anal is in a class of it's own when it comes to "uncomfortable'... try excruciating.


wow makes me go weak at the knees just thinking about that happening.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Open up now let it all go said:


> Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know. I hope you can either figure things about it or find peace with it.


Oh, yea, I'm cool with it. Would I like him to use them? Sure! And he may do just that one day. But for now, I let him take an hour if he really wants to


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't have time to read through everything but I have come to a point of acceptance about oral sex. I don't think I could have without our MC. Basically what happened is he only had one lover ever, his exwife. He had no idea what a true passionate sexual marriage was like with someone who was assertive about what she wants. We had sex two days in a row one time and he smelled how own cum and thought it was my smell. I didn't have the heart to tell him how pungent his cum is and that a shower alone isn't enough to get it all out. Seriously I would have to douche or do some kind of shower douche somehow.
So he started doing it less and it turned into this big horrible power issue between us. I see this in a lot of the talk about anal too. It's not about love, it's about power. We want our mates to stay the same and give us what WE want and if they don't we stomp our feet and question why we married them. 
Is there anyone whose sexual desire level and wants and needs stay exactly the same over time? 

We ended up with him saying if I would wash with a wash cloth before sec he would do it and he still wouldn't. and then had a humiliating session where MC tells me he needs me to take a shower if I want oral because he is afraid if he gets down there and there is an odor and he stops I will get mad and stop everything. Which I would and I have. 
She went on about how people with OCD think of bacteria and dirt when they smell a woman's natural odors. I ended up having a melt down after the session and we haven't been back since. 

I guess I am to the point where if he really needs me to stop and take a shower because I can't be trusted to wash myself with a wash cloth then that's that. I have showered a few times before hand and he did it but it's not the same now that it has turned into a big power issue. I guess if you want to stop wanting something go to MC and have them describe how disgusting it is to your spouse. I know I sound bitter but I'm not. 

Lots of people require a full shower right before sex to do anything. I am hoping that some day this will all fade away into a bad memory and we can move on but if it doesn't, I guess I just shower or at least pretend to shower and use a wash cloth. I'm a clean person and I shower daily. 
Anyway I thought that he had lied to me but I get it now. It wasn't a lie, he just had a bad experience with his own semen. And did I mention he has cum in my mouth one time in almost three years? He either doesn't like my BJs or he has cum issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Diwali its probably more like.... "Eww my semen is dirty... I dont want to taint her beautiful mouth with my nasty cum." I have issues in this department and that is how I think when it comes to that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Husband's needs? Omfg. Doing everything for your man except anal is hardly ignoring needs.
> 
> This thread is dead to me. Gawdam.[/
> 
> No kidding get the hell over it.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Created2Write said:


> That doesn't at all mean the same day, or the next day, or the week after. It could have been months after marriage.


Exactly, geez. Duh. It petered out, just like my interest in this thread has.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> If men want their wives to put themselves through physical pain, they should give them a chance to show them how it feels.


Just watch out giving that advice to women. Some guy out there is going to say OK, then be really pissed after he lets her and she still says no.

Kinda like the woman who said I'll swallow if you do first and then couldn't go through with it.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Kinda like the woman who said I'll swallow if you do first and then couldn't go through with it.


My wife sort of has this attitude about anal, but the discussion ends when I mention she likes mild anal play, while I never had an urge to have anything up my a$$. 

When we're 69'ing or she rides me reverse cowgirl, she goes wild when I slide a finger in her butt, but she doesn't want my penis back there. She thinks it will do some kind of damage. Even worse, because of her friend's horror stories, she doesn't even want to try it.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

acertriplex said:


> OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?


Because a person can develop internal hemorrhoids that are not visible on the outside.


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## LoveDr (Dec 16, 2012)

You might need to find another wife...lol..J/K. 
Introduce her to it in baby steps. I would start with watching a little porn on occasion. Then during sex, light touches to the area and go from the there. Good Luck!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I too would just like to try anal once with my wife and if she hates it, never mention it again but if she sorta likes it, then go from there. Can't just say, NO, and never have tried it, right?


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## Daneosaurus (Dec 2, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm all in favor of turning the tables on a man who wants anal. But I think you ladies might be going down the road of unintended consequences. The vast majority of men, if they can get past the homoerotic aspect of it, will find anal penetration very pleasurable. Stimulating the prostate is no joke. This would not be an apples to apples comparison. *Try penetrating your man and he might walk away asking himself why you deny him something that is so pleasurable to the receiver.*


...EXACTLY!!! Made it worse on her for the very reason.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> if they can get past the homoerotic aspect of it


I can't get past the poop, mine or hers, bleh!
Besides I don't think a man should be on his knees, but that's just me


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## Daneosaurus (Dec 2, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I can't get past the poop, mine or hers, bleh!
> Besides I don't think a *man* should be on his knees, but that's just me


Sexist much?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Oh come on! It just doesn't look right to me lol

The whole "bend over boyfriend" thing has terrified me especially since my wife suggested it as one of her fantasies. Bleh... no thanks!


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Oh come on! It just doesn't look right to me lol
> 
> The whole "bend over boyfriend" thing has terrified me especially since my wife suggested it as one of her fantasies. Bleh... no thanks!


More women fantasize about this than you could ever fathom


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> More women fantasize about this than you could ever fathom


I'd have to concur with the above since I've been asked by ex's when I was dating them and my present Mrs as well but call me chicken or selfish but noooo one is getting near my booty  sorrrryyyy !!!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> More women fantasize about this than you could ever fathom


Really? News to me. Guess we don't hang out with the same types of women. None of my girl friends, nor I, have any desire to do that to our men. So maybe it isn't as many as you seem to think either.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I too would just like to try anal once with my wife and if she hates it, never mention it again but if she sorta likes it, then go from there. Can't just say, NO, and never have tried it, right?


Why, yes, she absolutely can say NO without trying it first. Just as any man can say NO if he doesn't want a woman to stick a dildo in his ass. We all have the right to say NO about anything we wish.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Really? News to me. Guess we don't hang out with the same types of women. None of my girl friends, nor I, have any desire to do that to our men. So maybe it isn't as many as you seem to think either.


I'm from a city where a lot more liberal people hang out. I also frequent a forum that is based on sexual things (not going into detail here). And based on many many responses lots of women are interested in this. Usually women who aren't at all sexually repressed (not saying that you are BTW). Also the under thirty crowd in general seems to be more sexually open in my area. I happen to adhere to this line of thinking: I'll try almost anything once as long as there's no one else but me and my SO involved.

Edited to add: I've also traveled all over Michigan and Florida and made friends with many like minded people. I guess you're right I just don't know many women who aren't into trying new things and pushing the envelope. so I haven't met many with opposing views. 

I know my mom and aunts would think something like pegging was gross. Or maybe they're just good at hiding their inner vixen.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> I know my mom and aunts would think something like pegging was gross. Or maybe they're just good at hiding their inner vixen.


So what's the appeal? In most sexual acts, at least one of the partners is getting some form of physical stimulation. It's not exactly clear to me who's being satisfied by pegging, unless it's a power and control turnabout fantasy.

I'm not fer or agin it, but I guess I just don't understand it.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Cletus said:


> So what's the appeal? In most sexual acts, at least one of the partners is getting some form of physical stimulation. It's not exactly clear to me who's being satisfied by pegging, unless it's a power and control turnabout fantasy.
> 
> I'm not fer or agin it, but I guess I just don't understand it.


Pegging is physically stimulating for the man. Now I haven't pegged anyone ever, but men who enjoy pegging, once they get past the mental barriers to it, come from it because it stimulates the bundle of nerves in the prostate. Those who have done it say the orgasm from it is very intense.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Pegging is physically stimulating for the man. Now I haven't pegged anyone ever, but men who enjoy pegging, once they get past the mental barriers to it, come from it because it stimulates the bundle of nerves in the prostate. Those who have done it say the orgasm from it is very intense.


I'm aware of prostate stimulation, but most men don't orgasm from that alone. Perhaps they're taking matters into their own hands during pegging, but the same effect can be had without your SO strapping on a dildo and hammering away at you from behind. That implies that there must be something in the dynamic for the lady too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MrsOldNews said:


> I'm from a city where a lot more liberal people hang out. I also frequent a forum that is based on sexual things (not going into detail here). And based on many many responses lots of women are interested in this. Usually women who aren't at all sexually repressed (not saying that you are BTW). Also the under thirty crowd in general seems to be more sexually open in my area. I happen to adhere to this line of thinking: I'll try almost anything once as long as there's no one else but me and my SO involved.
> 
> Edited to add: I've also traveled all over Michigan and Florida and made friends with many like minded people. I guess you're right I just don't know many women who aren't into trying new things and pushing the envelope. so I haven't met many with opposing views.
> 
> I know my mom and aunts would think something like pegging was gross. Or maybe they're just good at hiding their inner vixen.


You seem to be missing something that has been discussed on this thread. Many of the women who are saying no to anal now have tried it and will not do it any. Some of us because of serious physcial problems it caused to that part of our body. 

And many who are saying no are in the age group you seem to think is more open sexually.

I'm 63. Did it in my early 20's and have suffered permanent physcal damage from it. So I will not engage in anal anymore.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You seem to be missing something that has been discussed on this thread. Many of the women who are saying no to anal now have tried it and will not do it any. Some of us because of serious physcial problems it caused to that part of our body.
> 
> And many who are saying no are in the age group you seem to think is more open sexually.
> 
> I'm 63. Did it in my early 20's and have suffered permanent physcal damage from it. So I will not engage in anal anymore.


Actually if you look earlier in this thread you'll see a post of mine that says I tried anal she real times and ways and hated it and will never try it again. I was referring to pegging in response to another poster talking about it in the post you quoted.

Nothing in my most recent posts refers to women receiving anal sex. So I'm very confused to your response on my post.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I don't understand how a loving partner can tolerate the thought, let alone the desire to get an orgasm while subjecting their partner to moderate/severe pain. 

Please tell me how John. I can understand a desire for a bj from a reluctant partner. There is no pain involved (except TMD). Many of the reservations of the giver can be overcome with work. 

But anal is another story. I think the desire for an orgasm that causes such pain means that the there is no love. Sex is not considered a mutually enjoyable experience.

I can only think that John's wife is a thing to him with no feelings and no right to object to pain to please him. . 

There is a risk - she may feel unloved and dissociate sex from love. It is not unreasonable for her to feel sex is for your pleasure only. 

With that belief, she may feel that she has the right to deney you sex. Why take that risk? There are so many other things you can do to maintain excitement.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Edited to add: I've also traveled all over Michigan and Florida and made friends with many like minded people. I guess you're right I just don't know many women who aren't into trying new things and pushing the envelope. so I haven't met many with opposing views.


Yea, I guess we just don't hang in the same crowds... You ran into like-minded people in Michigan and Florida...and so did I...even in the larger towns I have lived... including Chicago. Just depends who you have contact with, I guess.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Three years ago my back could take a lot more than it can today. I'd be real pissed if I asked my SO to pick up something heavy and he said, "Three years ago you could lift it so you can do it now"
> He would come off as a very uncaring person to say something like that.
> 
> I like lots of ass play but a penis up there of any size hurts profusely. I've tried everything a girl can to make it more comfortable for me but its consistently painful.
> ...


This was my first post on this thread. Again I think you should have read more of the last few posts before posting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MrsOldNews said:


> Actually if you look earlier in this thread you'll see a post of mine that says I tried anal she real times and ways and hated it and will never try it again. I was referring to pegging in response to another poster talking about it in the post you quoted.
> 
> Nothing in my most recent posts refers to women receiving anal sex. So I'm very confused to your response on my post.


Ok, I thought you were talking about women and anal sex. Sorry


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Kronk said:


> Is it true that men who are obsessed with anal are too small to enjoy vaginal sex?


:rofl: Love the above remark. 

My husband wanted to try anal after watching certain porn with anal sex in it back in his teens and asked me if I'd be up for it. We tried it once and it was horrifically painful. We stopped very quickly into it as he knew it was not at all great for me and we never tried it again. He would never want to hurt me, even if he had pleasure from it himself, but he says he doesn't like it. I don't see any positives from doing anal sex, as the anus is just not meant to have a penis inside of it. You are stretching out a muscle that is just not supposed to be stretched and it can and many times does lead to a number of medical problems. No thank you. I don't need that.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I don't understand how a loving partner can tolerate the thought, let alone the desire to get an orgasm while subjecting their partner to moderate/severe pain.
> 
> Please tell me how John. I can understand a desire for a bj from a reluctant partner. There is no pain involved (except TMD). Many of the reservations of the giver can be overcome with work.
> 
> ...


Well I wanted to have anal sex and I love my wife.I think the idea is that you try to keep in the woman's mind that anal sex will,at some point,be pleasurable for her.And if a woman has never engaged in anal sex,how does she know she won't enjoy it?And I don't think because a man wants to have anal sex with his wife that means he does not love her and sees her as a person with no feelings.I think you are being too harsh here.Just because a man asks his wife for anal again after she denies him the first time,that doesn't mean the man believes his wife has no right to deny him of anal sex.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Jack I said:


> Well I wanted to have anal sex and I love my wife.I think the idea is that you try to keep in the woman's mind that anal sex will,at some point,be pleasurable for her.And if a woman has never engaged in anal sex,how does she know she won't enjoy it?*And I don't think because a man wants to have sex with his wife that means he does not love her and sees her as a person with no feelings.*I think you are being too harsh here.*Just because a man asks his wife for anal again after she denies him the first time,that doesn't mean the man believes his wife has no right to deny him of anal sex.*


Likewise, why would a man continue to badger his wife for this if her truly loves her? Asking a few times, I can see... but continually asking and asking and asking? What good can come of that/ If you have a great sex life without this one specific act, why is it SOOOOO important to try it? This is the point some of us are trying to make in these threads. She says no to anal, don't badger her for it. How difficult is it to comprehend this concept? :scratchhead:


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Likewise, why would a man continue to badger his wife for this if her truly loves her?


If he's done it before and she hasnt, then it makes perfect sense.

He knows it's freaking great and he knows if she loses the unfounded fear and steps up to the plate and tries something she never did before she's going to freaking love it. What loving husband doesn't want his wife to experience new pleasures?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jack I said:


> Well I wanted to have anal sex and I love my wife.I think the idea is that you try to keep in the woman's mind that anal sex will,at some point,be pleasurable for her.And if a woman has never engaged in anal sex,how does she know she won't enjoy it?And I don't think because a man wants to have sex with his wife that means he does not love her and sees her as a person with no feelings.I think you are being too harsh here.Just because a man asks his wife for anal again after she denies him the first time,that doesn't mean the man believes his wife has no right to deny him of anal sex.


You want to have anal sex and said that if she did not give it to you will have go to a prostitutde.

You also said that you will not try pegging because it will hurt you.

So obviously this is more about you getting to experience it then it is about any pleasure or love for your wife.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> How difficult is it to comprehend this concept? :scratchhead:


It's not a difficult concept to comprehend.I understand it.Which is why I stopped asking my wife about it.I didn't want to hurt my wife,and she was saying that it wasn't gonna happen so I dropped the subject after a while.But what I was doing was giving the whole explanation to why a man would want anal.And also saying that just because a man wants to do a sex act with his wife that is unnatural so to speak that doesn't mean he doesn't love her,which is what Catherine seemed to be implying.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

sharkeey said:


> If he's done it before and she hasnt, then it makes perfect sense.
> 
> He knows it's freaking great and he knows if she loses the unfounded fear and steps up to the plate and tries something she never did before she's going to freaking love it. What loving husband doesn't want his wife to experience new pleasures?


I know you are kidding to get a rise out of people but I'll bite. 

With that mangled reasoning, do you think anyone with one synapse between 2 neurons would let you within a yard of their anus?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Jack I said:


> It's not a difficult concept to comprehend.I understand it.Which is why I stopped asking my wife about it.I didn't want to hurt my wife,and she was saying that it wasn't gonna happen so I dropped the subject after a while.But what I was doing was giving the whole explanation to why a man would want anal.And also saying that just because a man wants to do a sex act with his wife that is unnatural so to speak that doesn't mean he doesn't love her,which is what Catherine seemed to be implying.


No no 
Anything act between two consenting and willing adults is not unnatural. Sorry you got that notion from what I wrote. 

I was talking about the fear of pain which is a reasonable concern on the part of your wife.

I will say no more - you are intractable. If you dont drop this, you'll make yourself miserable for no reason.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Here's a little secret. It's not that great. I don't turn it down, and I enjoy the "gift" aspect of it and the sort of submissive feel of it. But the fact for me is that after she figures out how to fully relax, it's not as pleasurable as vaginal. And once you start anal you can't switch back.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Likewise, why would a man continue to badger his wife for this if her truly loves her? Asking a few times, I can see... but continually asking and asking and asking? What good can come of that/ If you have a great sex life without this one specific act, why is it SOOOOO important to try it? This is the point some of us are trying to make in these threads. She says no to anal, don't badger her for it. How difficult is it to comprehend this concept? :scratchhead:


Back a few years ago, I asked my wife for anal, she declined.
Just recently, when I felt a bit of progress was being made sexually between the wife and I, I told her I had fantasized about doing her anally.
She smiled and said it was good I had fantasies. She said she wouldn't do it, no way.

Once her hormone treatments started increasing her drive, during one night of hot passion, she told me to go there!  
This was just a couple of days after she said no.
I seriously doubt there was any bit of displeasure or discomfort, as she thoroughly seemed to enjoy it. I couldn't last long in there though...pretty much exploded shortly after entry. It happened one other time after that in which she didn't invite me, but when I proceeded in that direction, there was no resistance.

Not planning on making this a regular occurrence, but once in a while is certainly nice.


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## Bee85 (Sep 10, 2012)

When I was a child I hated pizza...now I LOVE it....When I first met my husband I enjoyed anal for a couple of times...now I dont. I have no explanation as to why I like some things I didn't like before and some I didn't I do, but thats the deal. Any loving husband would understand that. Maybe it doesn't hurt her, maybe she just doesn't want to do it. We cannot give you an answer as to why her change of mind only her....but are you willing to accept her response? that to me seems to be the problem. JMO


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## bbesgiant (Dec 16, 2012)

I am for PAINLESS anal sex but also for the wife's right to refuse (or the husband's). Anal sex is just one of many non-conventional sexual activities, from oral to BDSM and beyond, but each person is entitled to draw their own boundaries, and I respect that. My wife and I decided to try it. We researched and consulted all aspects of it. Tried and failed a few times until we found out about the ability of the internal sphincter to relax on it's own. (See my previous post Dec.16.12) That's what helped us succeed, and that WE WERE IN IT TOGETHER.

We follow rules and never have messes, odors, pain, bleeding tearing or anything. We both now feel that it is the most intimate and soulful of our sexual activities. We see it as an opportunity to pour all of our love, trust, tenderness and abandonment onto each other. For us it's not anal sex, it's anal love. We do it occasionally as we have a beautiful fulfilling love life otherwise.

Yes, she makes anal love to me too and I never before felt more sure of my manhood. I learned that the sexual preference is not in the butt, it's whether you prefer to be romantically and sexually involved with someone of your same gender.

Forget about anal porn, it's pure fantasy. Real life anal sex is about love and tenderness. Don't try it otherwise. It is not worth it.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

acertriplex anal sex can be a great experience between two people, if your wife enjoyed it in the start of the relationship and now does not have you stimulate her enough, because anal can be painful if not properly lube. Have you tried massaging her anal with your tongue first and making sure she is relax. I love anal with my husband , but it has to be something that you both want. And remember to relax and mak sure this is something you both want.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

acertriplex said:


> OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?


Oh geez, lets see.... After 3 years of that, maybe it does hurt now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Stonewall said:


> Ok even if she likes anal it still hurts period. Women who like it still only want it at certain times and if you want her to have it again the smartest thing you can do is drop it and let her pick it back up again when she is ready.
> 
> Try to remember that unlike us dudes her body is the one that's being invaded by a foreign body so even though sex is enjoyable to her its totally different than us. Its always the women s choice. If you live by that standard you'll get more of it.


Thank you. If you were my husband with that attitude, you would get more of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

SeaMaiden said:


> Maybe she was trying to accommodate him, maybe she was "trying" it to see if she liked it and realized that she didn't. I wouldn't go so far as to say she "tricked" him into marrying her. Unless she has turned around and said "hey, now we are married, I don't like sex at all, just thought you should know", then I think he should be a considerate husband and understand that anal sex hurts her and she doesn't get any sexual pleasure from it.
> 
> And maybe, if he likes anal so much, he can buy her a strap on and let her go to town on his a** and see how much he likes it...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
> I agree TG. It just would have been nice if she told the truth before marrying him. Then he could have decided whether to propose to an incompatible woman or not. Instead she tricked him and cut it off as soon as she had a ring.


Not wanting anal sex for the rest of her life would make her an "incompatible woman?":scratchhead: How on earth can anal sex be deemed a prerequisite for marriage?

Perhaps the OP's W was happy to comply in this regard for a certain length of time, but for a variety of reasons it became problematic to her. Perhaps she'd heard how it can result in fecal incontinence if practiced over a long period of time, or perhaps she simply became intolerant of it, who knows? As she was the one who was on the receiving end of things, her comfort with it is what counts - not the OP's desire for it.

Anal sex is not a right, and there are many women who wouldn't even go there. Myself included.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

He said he made it clear from the beginning that this was what he wanted. She did it until she got married and then stop. That's what makes them compatible.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He said he made it clear from the beginning that this was what he wanted. She did it until she got married and then stop. That's what makes them compatible.


No, what makes them incompatible, IMO, is the OP's insistence on his own pleasure at the expense of his W's discomfort.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

That is fine. But it still doesn't change the fact that they're incompatible. He specifically went looking for a woman was into the same thing he is. He bypassed all of the women who he already knew he was not compatible with.


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## kandlestick (Feb 17, 2013)

That's a tough one


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That is fine. But it still doesn't change the fact that they're incompatible. He specifically went looking for a woman was into the same thing he is. He bypassed all of the women who he already knew he was not compatible with.


I think what I'm battling to understand is how someone can base marital compatibility on one sex act. Tastes / ability change over time, and there has to be more to a relationship than this.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> I think what I'm battling to understand is how someone can base marital compatibility on one sex act. Tastes / ability change over time, and there has to be more to a relationship than this.


Well I actually agree with you. I think there are many things that people based their life long marriage on that don't make sense to ME. 

I've heard many stories where people get married thinking the other is a Christian, for example. Then sometime after the wedding their beliefs change. Suddenly they're no longer compatible.

For me, the anal thing is no big deal. But I certainly have other things that ARE a big deal. And if they aren't present in my marriage then I won't stay married. I think everyone has deal breakers like that. You don't have to agree with my deal breakers and I don't have to agree with yours. There are 7 billion people on the planet and not all are going to be compatible with each other.

Anyway, the impression the OP gives is that his wife pretended to be compatible and then changed her mind after the wedding. That's just wrong, and she shouldn't be surprised to learn that it's a deal breaker when she changes the rules.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Anyway, the impression the OP gives is that his wife pretended to be compatible and then changed her mind after the wedding. That's just wrong, and she shouldn't be surprised to learn that it's a deal breaker when she changes the rules.


He specifically told us that she no longer wanted anal because it hurt her. He didn't say she'd had a change of mind about it...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

He didn't say it hurt her. He said she claimed it hurt her. He also said it didn't seem to hurt before the wedding, only after.



Cosmos said:


> He specifically told us that she no longer wanted anal because it hurt her. He didn't say she'd had a change of mind about it...



I'm not really sure how to interpret this. You're the one who brought up changing tastes. Is he not allowed to have something as a deal breaker? I don't get it. Don't you have things that you require in marriage that would be a deal breaker if they were gone?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Tastes do change, but in this case it sounds like it was the OP's W's ability to continue having anal with him.

Yes, there would be deal breakers in my relationship, but they would relate to far weightier issues than one particular sex act; for example infidelity.

To each our own, I guess...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So you're judgmental of the OP because his deal breakers are different than yours?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So you're judgmental of the OP because his deal breakers are different than yours?



I don't believe I'm judging the OP as such. I'm simply giving my opinion on his post like everyone else.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

what if she rolled in from the shower with a strap on and a smile. think about it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Honestly, guys, OP hasn't been back since mid-December. Highly unlikely that he will come back at all. And looking at the posts he had made on other threads...I'd be telling him no, whether it hurt or not. If my husband was trolling Craigslist, looking to hook up with other men, I'd have a big problem with having ANY kind of sex with him. OP should be happy she's having sex with him at all!


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