# He said he never got any complaints before



## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

DH said that neither woman he's been with before (he's had two previous sexual partners, both long-term relationships) complained about the sex (though, when I asked, he said they didn't tell him he was awesome either). But, in his mind, that seems to make it my problem/ fault that I don't get off with him.

I've made a ton of progress with my frustration and anger, and have gained a lot of insight as I try to work toward solving this problem. I am looking at the issue less as a "fault" thing and more practically as in "what's the problem?" and "what's the solution." I've come to think that we have a sexual incompatibility issue (too long to explain why I've come to think this). 

Anyway, it's a start to know that. Whether it's fixable remains to be seen.

However, what do I do with "Well, I've never had any complaints before and you're just difficult/ complicated"?

On the one hand, it makes me want to whack him over the head. So it takes a bit of work to please me, unlike his apparently instantanously orgasmic exes, how's that my fault and how's the comparison even fair or relevant? On the other hand, it makes me feel bad about myself and wonder if, in fact, I'm just too tough a cookie to crack or being too demanding in the bedroom (btw, the thing I'm "demanding" is that I get orgasms too).

Any thoughts or insight?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

It is never a good idea to compare previous lovers to the person you are committed to now. Tell him you are just more of a mystery to him and it may take more time to discover the proper technique. Have you tried some of the instructional DVD’s?


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## peaches (Apr 26, 2009)

Tell him you never had any problems getting off with other men before


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:



peaches said:


> Tell him you never had any problems getting off with other men before


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

MsLady-

I have read most of your posts as you know. You have many qualities that would make you a very fun person to be around 

I think your situation is difficult because there is a huge personality clash going on. "I never got any complaints before" is the classic mark of an insensitive blockhead. However, you come across as sharp tongued and harsh at times.

Your husband is insecure, and has been that way for a very long time. His "I never got any complaints before" is a shabby defence mechanism. Underneath all that, he is very very sensitive indeed - sensitive to himself. He takes everything to heart. Given the right nurturing, he could turn that sensitivity outwards towards you, and be the most caring attentive lover in the world. He could also shed his ED problems which are actually performance anxiety due to fear of getting on your nerves and provoking you.

Your situation is very fixable, but it will require you to make huge changes. In a nutshell you probably need to be firm but gentle.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

> However, you come across as sharp tongued and harsh at times.


LOL. You are spot on. I'm working on it


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