# Wife Affair - Blown Wide Opened (Soon)



## adriw7878

I had posted 2 earlier entries about suspecting my wife from having an affair. Now waiting for final nail in coffin .... PI starting his work tomorrow.

We were happily married at 23 yos and for 28 yrs (had 2 children) loving relationship .... sex 1 per week. Had a medical mismanagement that got me comatosed for 2 yrs. Had 6 mths physio to learn to walk and talk again ... another 6 mths to strengthen myself and be independent.

Past 1 year
1. Children very happy I woke from coma.
2. Wife ... not happy. Planning to intern me to hospice. Initally I could not fathom why?
3. Wife working high profile position .... comes back home after midnight (Mon-Fri). When I noticed this trend had a word with her. She now set Wed-Fri her own time to fellowship with colleagues .... back at midnight.

4. Last Friday night she was out for corporate dinner .... came back 1 am .... high pitch in her voice. I asked "Beer or whisky this evening?" She said "Both" .... went to bathroom to change and off to bed. When I heard her snoring, went into bathroom to check her clothings. Darn .... saw 2 big patches of semen on her black panties. Took pic of this. PI starting his round tomorrow.

Wanted all evidences (pics of her with man) before I throw divorce papers at her.


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## oldshirt

adriw7878 said:


> We were happily married at 23 yos and for 28 yrs (had 2 children) loving relationship .... sex 1 per week. Had a medical mismanagement that got me comatosed for 2 yrs. Had 6 mths physio to learn to walk and talk again ... another 6 mths to strengthen myself and be independent.
> 
> Past 1 year
> 1. Children very happy I woke from coma.
> 2. Wife ... not happy. Planning to intern me to hospice. Initally I could not fathom why?
> .



I'd say her having an affair is the least if your worries. 


If you want to divorce, just divorce her as simply, fairly and amicably as possible.

You poke the bear too much her and you may get a pillow over your face in your sleep or antifreeze in your morning orange juice.


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## Kingrat

Well get the evidence but Do not confront her. Just say you decided on the divorce and maybe sometime in the future you can discuss the reasons. You keep all the power. Blowing it up will not help you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## Holdingontoit

Dude, wake up, it is 2018. You do not want to blow things up for her. If she is having an affair at work, that might threaten her high paying job.

Whereas, if you divorce her while she remains employed in her high paying job, she will have to pay you alimony. Oh, and if you can delay signing the separation papers until next year (2019), her alimony will not be tax deductible.

Then you can live every betrayed guy's dream: she pays you alimony while you use the money to pay for dates with some pretty young thing. Ex-wife is tied to her high stress full time job for years and years because she owes you alimony. And if the alimony is not deductible, she is getting shafted by you and by the IRS. Win-win-win.

Dude, whatever you do, do not undermine her job. It is your golden ticket to a happy life post-divorce.


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## naiveonedave

@EleGirl - probably should move this to CWI.

Don't let her company know, she needs the job if you D. You should out her to your parents/her parents at some point. Get enough data to prevent her from re-writing marital history.


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## SunCMars

On this.....

On this, you were comatose, alive, but not really.

She figured you were gone, alas, not yet.

She was lonely, got a man. Bad, but understandable.

She could have divorced you, but then you would be uninsured. 
She could have divorced you, but then you would have had strangers watch over you.

While you were comatose she got lonely, got a man or men.

When you came to, rejoined the world, rejoined the marriage, she should have:
She should have fessed up immediately but then that would have set you back, depressingly, mentally again.

Oh, she is a cheater, an adulteress, of this I agree.

But you left the world, not she.

Answer?

Go to this rehab facility. Get yourself better, get yourself free.
Be the bigger person.

Keep your dignity, let her keep her shame. It is not your doing.
Poop happens.

The women deserves happiness. She will share it with shame for the rest of her life.

Ride this out. This terrible tragedy, this Crap-Fate.
Leave with a smile, a thanks and a hand shake, not a kiss.

Poop happens.
Take a laxative, let it out

Live another day, another life.

The world and her will never forget this...
Forget you.

Just Sayin'

SunCMars- another lucid moment on Earth.


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## VladDracul

Just don't sleep with her after you pull the trigger on divorce.


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## Maxwedge 413

VladDracul said:


> Just don't sleep with her after you pull the trigger on divorce.


Don't sleep with her AT ALL if she's coming home with someone else's semen dripping out of her!


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## bandit.45

Do what Sun C Mars says. Your wife most likely thought you would die and she moved on with her life as if you were already dead. It's not fair. It's not right, but It's just what some people do. Some people are more practical and pragmatic than others, and some like your WW just get to where they no longer give a rat's ass. Your WW might harbor much resentment towards you and what happened, even if it was not your fault. 

If you blow it up it might jeopardize your treatment. Tell her you know she is and has been cheating, and that as soon as you are well you will file for divorce and be on your way. You don't need to prove anything, since your state is most likely a no-fault divorce state. No need to be dramatic or go after her job. She needs that job and you need her employed or else it could cause you problems.

Go see three lawyers for free consults and learn what your rights are in this situation. 

I'm sorry this horrible thing happened to you. You really got served a sh*t sandwich.


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## EleGirl

naiveonedave said:


> @EleGirl - probably should move this to CWI.


Done


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## EleGirl

adriw7878 said:


> Darn .... saw 2 big patches of semen on her black panties. Took pic of this. PI starting his round tomorrow.


Not one, but TWO patches of semen? Really? How can you tell if it's semen for just female discharge? What you are considering evidence here is no evidence at all.

Since you think she is cheating, a PI is a good idea.


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## syhoybenden

adriw7878 said:


> Darn .... saw 2 big patches of semen on her black panties.



There is a semen testing kit available. I believe it is called CheckMate.

This will distinguish between actual semen residue and female discharge residue.

Get the panties out of the hamper and check them.


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## Suspicious1

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Don't sleep with her AT ALL if she's coming home with someone else's semen dripping out of her!


Don't sleep with her yyoupu might wake up in anorher coma, or dead this time!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator

adriw7878 said:


> I had posted 2 earlier entries about suspecting my wife from having an affair. Now waiting for final nail in coffin .... PI starting his work tomorrow.
> 
> We were happily married at 23 yos and for 28 yrs (had 2 children) loving relationship .... sex 1 per week. Had a medical mismanagement that got me comatosed for 2 yrs. Had 6 mths physio to learn to walk and talk again ... another 6 mths to strengthen myself and be independent.
> 
> Past 1 year
> 1. Children very happy I woke from coma.
> 2. Wife ... not happy. Planning to intern me to hospice. Initally I could not fathom why?
> 3. Wife working high profile position .... comes back home after midnight (Mon-Fri). When I noticed this trend had a word with her. She now set Wed-Fri her own time to fellowship with colleagues .... back at midnight.
> 
> 4. Last Friday night she was out for corporate dinner .... came back 1 am .... high pitch in her voice. I asked "Beer or whisky this evening?" She said "Both" .... went to bathroom to change and off to bed. When I heard her snoring, went into bathroom to check her clothings. Darn .... saw 2 big patches of semen on her black panties. Took pic of this. PI starting his round tomorrow.
> 
> Wanted all evidences (pics of her with man) before I throw divorce papers at her.


*To hell with "pics" of her jizzed panties!

Confiscate the damned "panties" themselves. Both her and lover boys DNA are saturated on them, and it's mere presence is next to impossible to refute and more than proves the impropriety!

With a trump card like that that in your arsenal, your attorney would have all kinds of room for a most favorable settlement!*


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## BobSimmons

Another semen in panties story, clog drains with hair... loose nether regions

Question, how does semen on tightly fitting panties stay globular and not be absorbed into the panty fabric?

How big are her panties that there were two big patches?


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## oldshirt

arbitrator said:


> *To hell with "pics" of her jizzed panties!
> 
> Confiscate the damned "panties" themselves. Both her and lover boys DNA are saturated on them, and it's mere presence is next to impossible to refute and more than proves the impropriety!
> 
> With a trump card like that that in your arsenal, your attorney would have all kinds of room for a most favorable settlement!*


That depends on if they are in a no-fault state or not.

This is not a presidential impeachment trial.

Most courts don't care who screwed who.

I agree with holdingontoit, make as little fuss and waves about it as possible and go for spousal support and insurance.


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## OutofRetirement

I think getting the PI is the best way to go.

You haven't given too much info about your wife, but I'm guessing that her behavior now is a lot different than before your illness. When I read your post, I get the feeling that your wife doesn't care too much about what you think or if you are happy or not. I get the feeling she's basically told you she's going to do what she wants it, if you don't like it you can lump it.

What would you like to eventually happen?


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## VermiciousKnid

The PI is good but don't be your own project manager. Get a good divorce lawyer right away and have them manage all this. DO NOT blow anything up. She has a lot more to lose than you. I'd bet this is a coworker that she started a relationship with when she thought you'd never wake up. She and her AP probably want this as quiet as possible. What would they look like if it's discovered they started their fling while you were laid up in a hospital? Extremely bad. They'd both probably lose those high paying careers. GET A LAWYER NOW. If I was your lawyer, and I am a lawyer, I'd get the PI for you. I'd get all the evidence we need then, in a case like yours, I'd use their desperation to keep this quiet to your advantage. I promise you my firm would not only get you full custody, child support, and hefty alimony from her, but I'd go after him too. He pays you a settlement for the emotional stress this has caused or I have him subpoenaed and force him to go on the record about everything. There is no incrimination protection in civil cases. He'd have to testify and he's not going to want to do that. He'll pay.

Be smart about this. The physical, emotional, AND financial health of you and the kids is job 1 here. Again, be smart about it. Stop doing it by yourself. GET A LAWYER ASAP!


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## TRy

adriw7878 said:


> When I heard her snoring, went into bathroom to check her clothings. Darn .... saw 2 big patches of semen on her black panties. Took pic of this. PI starting his round tomorrow.
> 
> Wanted all evidences (pics of her with man) before I throw divorce papers at her.


 Take samples for testing of the semen. Photos of the pantries, along with test results showing it is semen, but not yours, is all the evidence that you need to be 100% sure.

Also, due to the extreme nature of your situation, once you have the test results, you should sit her down and discuss it with her. She stuck by you when she could have stuck it to you. It was normal that she moved on when she did, but now she needs to decide if she is too far gone to come back.


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## arbitrator

oldshirt said:


> That depends on if they are in a no-fault state or not.
> 
> This is not a presidential impeachment trial.
> 
> Most courts don't care who screwed who.
> 
> I agree with holdingontoit, make as little fuss and waves about it as possible and go for spousal support and insurance.


*While The Court may not necessarily like them, they're absolutely great for negotiation purposes, more especially with other extended family members who the cheating couple would like to keep this sordid information from! *


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## Holdingontoit

I tend to agree with @SunCMars that this is tragic on both sides.
Huge understatements: No fun to be in a coma, wake up, and find out your spouse has been cheating. Also no fun to be married to someone who has been in a coma for 2 years.
There may have been logistical / financial / insurance reasons why the wife filing for divorce while OP was in coma would have been bad for OP. So maybe she was in fact trying her best to honor her marital vows to the extent she felt she could while finding herself in an impossible situation. Not excusing her behavior but trying to be realistic about human frailty.
I agree that relatively amicable separation is best path forward here. Will only stay amicable if OP permits his wife to maintain her career unaffected by her indiscretion. Otherwise I see this as quickly becoming all out war.


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## adriw7878

Thanks everybody for your comment/advise. I didn't reply earlier as I was going through pain after I have seen PI's report with pics. I am better now .... pain subsidied 90% and I am planning to move out and throw divorce papers at her. This story could even be a big hit if it were to be screened on cinema.

Answers to many questions asked ...

1. How I knew they were semen and not plain vaginal discharge? Don't get disgusted with me ... I smelt the stains and I know semen vs vaginal discharge (at least one stain was semen).
2. How I located 2 patches of stain on her panties? I recently noticed she dropped 2 panties into wash basket after work???? One .... like a man's brief but tighter (this one got the 2 stains) and the other a sexy Victoria Secret's panties. 
3. Wife didn't leave earlier (if I am not dead) then she will not get 50% of my cash and assets. I took her out from my will a few months ago ... she found out becos lawyers's confirmation came through the post and she opened the letter. She is trying to be 'loving' to me since then - I am not buying it. Since I woke up in 2016, she never kissed me or say "I love you."
4. Told a close friend if I was discovered dead in my sleep. Make a police report and have an autopsy. Don't let her use my medical issue and cremate my body ... I have just bought a burial plot.

When I saw PI's report and pics I nearly had a heart attack ... I read report at home. The other man she was having an affair with is (now was) my best friend (a known player - married and with 2 adult children). This fella was my friend since age 7 !!!! He was having problem with his wife as his affairs were known secrets in their neighborhood. Becos of our close friendship, we told each other that our wives doesn't know our men's secrets like we knew about each other. 

Now, I guess all my secrets are all out with my wife (never had any affairs but a few 1 night stands ... which best friend knew about). No wonder she looked at me with disgust when I woke up from coma. She didn't say anything and just left for the office then.

I think this could be settled amicably as I am ...
a. acting I am not well and very forgetful
b. not changing my actions with my best friend. But will not talk about my wife's affairs with him anymore.

No wonder when I told him several months back that I suspected my wife is having an affair, his face turned pale. He then slowly spoke to me, "Bro, she is not that type of woman. Maybe she got some corporate matters to attend to. Go get some rest. Don't think about such ridiculous matters." Then I was thinking to myself (hahaha) "This fella is really a good buddy. Didn't want our wife/hubby relationship to suffer."

Today, they went to another city to spend a night together. First time ... I caught her overnight with him. She packed a small overnight bag to the office this morning but she did not ask me to drop her in the office. She asked to be drop by the hospital next to her office as she had a blood routine to confirm her cholesterol level. She said later she will have to go to another city (2 hrs away) with a colleague to check facilities there for a company outing. I nodded my acknowlegement. Later in the afternoon I texted her, "What time will you be back to office? Need me to come fetch you?" She replied "I will only be back tomorrow." I replied "Sorry, I forgotten already." In the evening, I called my best friend (her lover) and asked "Hey bro. My wife's out of town, wanna have dinner together?" He replied "I am at xxxxx (opposite direction where my wife said she was)." I then told told him "Drive carefully. The road could be slippery. Bye."

My question, "Why would someone do such a despicable thing to their sick buddy?"

I think I will not expose their secrets as we have a close group of friends (at least 20 pax) and I don't want to hurt his wife & children as they are close to us.

sigh


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## SentHereForAReason

adriw7878 said:


> Thanks everybody for your comment/advise. I didn't reply earlier as I was going through pain after I have seen PI's report with pics. I am better now .... pain subsidied 90% and I am planning to move out and throw divorce papers at her. This story could even be a big hit if it were to be screened on cinema.
> 
> Answers to many questions asked ...
> 
> 1. How I knew they were semen and not plain vaginal discharge? Don't get disgusted with me ... I smelt the stains and I know semen vs vaginal discharge (at least one stain was semen).
> 2. How I located 2 patches of stain on her panties? I recently noticed she dropped 2 panties into wash basket after work???? One .... like a man's brief but tighter (this one got the 2 stains) and the other a sexy Victoria Secret's panties.
> 3. Wife didn't leave earlier (if I am not dead) then she will not get 50% of my cash and assets. I took her out from my will a few months ago ... she found out becos lawyers's confirmation came through the post and she opened the letter. She is trying to be 'loving' to me since then - I am not buying it. Since I woke up in 2016, she never kissed me or say "I love you."
> 4. Told a close friend if I was discovered dead in my sleep. Make a police report and have an autopsy. Don't let her use my medical issue and cremate my body ... I have just bought a burial plot.
> 
> When I saw PI's report and pics I nearly had a heart attack ... I read report at home. The other man she was having an affair with is (now was) my best friend (a known player - married and with 2 adult children). This fella was my friend since age 7 !!!! He was having problem with his wife as his affairs were known secrets in their neighborhood. Becos of our close friendship, we told each other that our wives doesn't know our men's secrets like we knew about each other.
> 
> Now, I guess all my secrets are all out with my wife (never had any affairs but a few 1 night stands ... which best friend knew about). No wonder she looked at me with disgust when I woke up from coma. She didn't say anything and just left for the office then.
> 
> I think this could be settled amicably as I am ...
> a. acting I am not well and very forgetful
> b. not changing my actions with my best friend. But will not talk about my wife's affairs with him anymore.
> 
> No wonder when I told him several months back that I suspected my wife is having an affair, his face turned pale. He then slowly spoke to me, "Bro, she is not that type of woman. Maybe she got some corporate matters to attend to. Go get some rest. Don't think about such ridiculous matters." Then I was thinking to myself (hahaha) "This fella is really a good buddy. Didn't want our wife/hubby relationship to suffer."
> 
> Today, they went to another city to spend a night together. First time ... I caught her overnight with him. She packed a small overnight bag to the office this morning but she did not ask me to drop her in the office. She asked to be drop by the hospital next to her office as she had a blood routine to confirm her cholesterol level. She said later she will have to go to another city (2 hrs away) with a colleague to check facilities there for a company outing. I nodded my acknowlegement. Later in the afternoon I texted her, "What time will you be back to office? Need me to come fetch you?" She replied "I will only be back tomorrow." I replied "Sorry, I forgotten already." In the evening, I called my best friend (her lover) and asked "Hey bro. My wife's out of town, wanna have dinner together?" He replied "I am at xxxxx (opposite direction where my wife said she was)." I then told told him "Drive carefully. The road could be slippery. Bye."
> 
> *My question, "Why would someone do such a despicable thing to their sick buddy?"
> 
> I think I will not expose their secrets as we have a close group of friends (at least 20 pax) and I don't want to hurt his wife & children as they are close to us.
> 
> sigh*


The answer to the first question is that there's not real logical explanation other than a lack of self control and a higher placement on self satisfaction vs. loyalty and integrity. This is a double whammy because usually the betrayal contrary to first instinct is with the person that's supposed to keep your trust and defend the marriage (the spouse) but in this case, you were betrayed on both sides 

As for the 2nd question, I didn't see earlier, you said you didn't want to expose their secrets, do you mean to a wide audience or anyone because if you don't expose to his wife, you are going to hurt her a lot worse by not telling her because she will be behind the 8 ball and not able to defend her home and kids without this info?


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## GusPolinski

“I’ve never had an affair but I’ve had a few ONS’s.”

LOL.

Karma, as you’re no doubt learning, can be a rather fickle *****.

Enjoy the ride I guess.


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## SunCMars

You got Karma'd from a friendly direction. A thought-friendly wind.

You deserved a little mercy, you got a lot.
You got to wake up and live again.

Thank God for that.

Continue to march...forward.

Oh, once the dust is settled. I would get back at that 'friend'.

He told your wife the truth. Return the favor.

Send the pictures the PI took. With dates and all pertinent information. Send it to the wife and her sister or her brother.

Do not admit to any involvement in this 'outing'. 

Play dumb...nice and dumb.


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## Tatsuhiko

I've gotta say I hate it when we rush to help the BS, only to find out several pages into the discussion that the BS is also a WS. Kind of an important detail. How can you expect honesty from a partner if you cannot deal in honesty yourself? Maybe we should get into the habit of asking someone on page 1, "Did you cheat as well?" 

As ye sow, I suppose. In any case, it doesn't appear that there's anything in this marriage worth saving, or in your "friendship" with OM for that matter.


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## Lostinthought61

I got be honest i am disappointed in you, you will divorce your wife but not your friend...you will allow him to rub this in your face...i think you woke up and left your manhood behind...i would go over to his house while he is gone and show his wife the pictures and tell her where they are right now...if you are not going to man up yourself at least have the courage to give her the proof she need.


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## Rob_1

OMG. This guy is either a weak wimp, or the comatose stage left him mentally impaired and took his manhood away. 

No outing the affair? No exposing his piece of **** friend to his wife? Keeping the friendship with him? Lord what else? Offering to be the best man when and if they ever become an item and marry?


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## bandit.45

Tell your “freind’s” wife. She has a right to know. 

Then tell your friend you hope he dies in a car fire. 

Then tell your wife you are sorry you cheated on her and that you want an amicable split. 

Then apologize to everyone here for forgetting to tell us you are a serial cheater. 

****in hell...


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## bankshot1993

OK, so let me see if I've got this right.

You had a friend that you shared a pact with to screw around on your wives and to keep it quite. So you were enabling his extra marital flings and he was enabling yours. Now , shocker of all shockers, your morally bankrupt friend has used the dirt he has on you to bed your wife along with the rest of his harem.

Gee, I feel soooooo sorry for you. You poor poor baby, it must be so hard.

You know, I really, really love karma stories.


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## Mrs.Stone

Considering all you have been through medically and such and all she had to go through as well an affair really is not that big a deal.

Of course you may be feeling hurt, but don't let this be the thing that pulled you apart she is there she has been there you both just need to be walked through this so you can mend back together.


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## bandit.45

Mrs.Stone said:


> Considering all you have been through medically and such and all she had to go through as well an affair really is not that big a deal.
> 
> Of course you may be feeling hurt, but don't let this be the thing that pulled you apart she is there she has been there you both just need to be walked through this so you can mend back together.


So, how does he keep her from boning his best friend?


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## jlg07

adriw7878 said:


> Thanks everybody for your comment/advise. I didn't reply earlier as I was going through pain after I have seen PI's report with pics. I am better now .... pain subsidied 90% and I am planning to move out and throw divorce papers at her. This story could even be a big hit if it were to be screened on cinema.
> 
> Answers to many questions asked ...
> 
> 1. How I knew they were semen and not plain vaginal discharge? Don't get disgusted with me ... I smelt the stains and I know semen vs vaginal discharge (at least one stain was semen).
> 2. How I located 2 patches of stain on her panties? I recently noticed she dropped 2 panties into wash basket after work???? One .... like a man's brief but tighter (this one got the 2 stains) and the other a sexy Victoria Secret's panties.
> 3. Wife didn't leave earlier (if I am not dead) then she will not get 50% of my cash and assets. I took her out from my will a few months ago ... she found out becos lawyers's confirmation came through the post and she opened the letter. She is trying to be 'loving' to me since then - I am not buying it. Since I woke up in 2016, she never kissed me or say "I love you."
> 4. Told a close friend if I was discovered dead in my sleep. Make a police report and have an autopsy. Don't let her use my medical issue and cremate my body ... I have just bought a burial plot.
> 
> When I saw PI's report and pics I nearly had a heart attack ... I read report at home. The other man she was having an affair with is (now was) my best friend (a known player - married and with 2 adult children). This fella was my friend since age 7 !!!! He was having problem with his wife as his affairs were known secrets in their neighborhood. Becos of our close friendship, we told each other that our wives doesn't know our men's secrets like we knew about each other.
> 
> Now, I guess all my secrets are all out with my wife (never had any affairs but a few 1 night stands ... which best friend knew about). No wonder she looked at me with disgust when I woke up from coma. She didn't say anything and just left for the office then.
> 
> I think this could be settled amicably as I am ...
> a. acting I am not well and very forgetful
> b. not changing my actions with my best friend. But will not talk about my wife's affairs with him anymore.
> 
> No wonder when I told him several months back that I suspected my wife is having an affair, his face turned pale. He then slowly spoke to me, "Bro, she is not that type of woman. Maybe she got some corporate matters to attend to. Go get some rest. Don't think about such ridiculous matters." Then I was thinking to myself (hahaha) "This fella is really a good buddy. Didn't want our wife/hubby relationship to suffer."
> 
> Today, they went to another city to spend a night together. First time ... I caught her overnight with him. She packed a small overnight bag to the office this morning but she did not ask me to drop her in the office. She asked to be drop by the hospital next to her office as she had a blood routine to confirm her cholesterol level. She said later she will have to go to another city (2 hrs away) with a colleague to check facilities there for a company outing. I nodded my acknowlegement. Later in the afternoon I texted her, "What time will you be back to office? Need me to come fetch you?" She replied "I will only be back tomorrow." I replied "Sorry, I forgotten already." In the evening, I called my best friend (her lover) and asked "Hey bro. My wife's out of town, wanna have dinner together?" He replied "I am at xxxxx (opposite direction where my wife said she was)." I then told told him "Drive carefully. The road could be slippery. Bye."
> 
> My question, "Why would someone do such a despicable thing to their sick buddy?"
> 
> I think I will not expose their secrets as we have a close group of friends (at least 20 pax) and I don't want to hurt his wife & children as they are close to us.
> 
> sigh


BS -- I WOULD tell his wife. YOU are not hurting them -- the POSOM is. Also, you may want to tell your friends -- to warn them about him. If he is doing your wife, what makes you think he isn't/didn't do theirs? If you don't expose, she will re-write your marriage history to everyone to make you look like it's your fault. What she did is despicable and disgusting IMO. In sickness and in health -- HAH.


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## Sports Fan

I wasn't planning to respond on this post but even stupidity deserves some common courtesy. If your wife holds a high profile job and you don't lawyer up fast. Once you get yourself a good divorce lawyer you will be able to establish the laws of your state and how they relate to you. Whether you are at an At Fault Divorce State etc.

I can almost guarantee you that you would most likely be recieving a great deal of ailomony from your wife given your circumstances and medical history.

Lawyer up fast, then go collect the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.


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## Chaparral

You cheated, she cheats and your best friend filled the void cause he’s a cheater too. What’s the problem? Oh yeah, his innocent wife is the victim of all three of you.

You’ve been given a second chance at life. How about doing it right this time?


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## MattMatt

Of course, nobody has ever been caught out due to semen stains, right?








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## VladDracul

Why not go to his wife and see it you can even the score? I would. If I was your best old buddy, that now has it in for you, I'd come over, with your wife by our side, and tell you during this time, your wife still needed what a man in a coma can't do and now that you're able to service her yourself, I'm out of the picture. I'm not saying he was just a buddy helping you out as evidenced by the fact that he's still banging her, and am sure he used the knowledge of your previous f-ing arounds, to convince her to give it up. ( I mean why should she loyal and do without while you were flat on your azz when you were out chasing other bush when you were healthy.) But it is what it is, and remember she has the resources to take care of you. Like my granddaddy use to say, "don't give your own self the shaft trying to get rid of a gold mine" Damn, this reminds me of a song.


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## weightlifter

Have a lawyer get the best possible settlement.

You can blow her up with family and friends but do not blow up her job.

You are not the first "Friend is screwing my wife" we have seen here. See poster named BFF. One of the epic threads here. BTW rough read at first but it ends EPIC awesome 5 years on.


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## Graywolf2

Sports Fan said:


> I can almost guarantee you that you would most likely be recieving a great deal of ailomony from your wife given your circumstances and medical history.
> 
> Lawyer up fast, then go collect the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.


Get proof and confront them.



adriw7878 said:


> I think I will not expose their secrets as we have a close group of friends (at least 20 pax) and I don't want to hurt his wife & children as they are close to us.


This is leverage. Use it to get better terms in the divorce. Don't overtly blackmail them but say that you're quite upset and want to shout it from the rooftops. Let them talk you out of it. 

They will use the fact that you had one night stands to shut you up. Don't let them. You still have good grounds to be upset since he is your long time best buddy that you see all the time in your close group of friends. Your wife will never met your ONS and never has to socialize with them in the future. She could have had an affair with anyone but she chose your best friend. Their betrayal is much greater and they’re currently lying about where they are. Tell them that you don't care if they tell everyone about your ONS because the truth must came out. *Again, then let them talk you out of it.
*
If they think you might talk then your wife will want to keep you happy and quiet in the settlement. *Definitely do not make it clear that you will never talk even if you don't intend to. * After the divorce is final you can expose whatever you want or expose nothing.


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## Chaparral

Can your pal prove you had any one night stands. Just call him a liar, smile and ride with it. He deserves anything you can dish out. Karma cashed your check. You look free and clear now to me.

You should at least do the decent thing and tell his wife. You don’t want that karma bus rolling over you again.


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## Rubix Cubed

Chaparral said:


> *Can your pal prove you had any one night stands. Just call him a liar, smile and ride with it.* He deserves anything you can dish out. Karma cashed your check. You look free and clear now to me.
> 
> You should at least do the decent thing and tell his wife. You don’t want that karma bus rolling over you again.


Perfect. Just make it out that he was manipulating her to get in her pants, and that he made it all up.


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## Graywolf2

Chaparral said:


> Can your pal prove you had any one night stands. Just call him a liar, smile and ride with it.





Rubix Cubed said:


> Perfect. Just make it out that he was manipulating her to get in her pants, and that he made it all up.


The above are great ideas.



adriw7878 said:


> The other man she was having an affair with is (now was) my best friend (a known player) He was having problem with his wife as his affairs were known secrets in their neighborhood. Now, I guess all my secrets are all out with my wife (never had any affairs but a few 1 night stands


Or you could say that you did tell him about the ONS because you wanted to keep up with him and sound like one of the guys. That is you made up ONS to show that you were just as much of a stud as him. Men lie about their sexual escapades after all. If you told the OM real dates and locations for the ONS then you can explain that he knows so much about you that you had to use real dates and places for your made up ONS.

If you told him no concrete details then I like the extra touch of Rubix Cubeds the best because it causes more trouble for the OM.


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## Sparta

Mrs.Stone said:


> Considering all you have been through medically and such and all she had to go through as well an affair really is not that big a deal.
> 
> Of course you may be feeling hurt, but don't let this be the thing that pulled you apart she is there she has been there you both just need to be walked through this so you can mend back together.


 Really that’s all it is just an affair best friend his wife just an affair... you didn’t read anything about how she’s treating him and how she’s continuing to have an affair wow...


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## VladDracul

Chaparral said:


> Can your pal prove you had any one night stands. Just call him a liar, smile and ride with it. He deserves anything you can dish out.


Again, just judging by my frame of mind if I was the other man. It could be that Adriw's best old friend could have been doing him a pretty big favor. If it was for him being willing to keep the wife distracted and satisfied by servicing her, she may have simple stuck Adriw in a nursing home and let caretakers do the dirty work while selling off his assets and pocketing the money. I mean Adriw, you're welcome.


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## Rubix Cubed

VladDracul said:


> Again, just judging by my frame of mind if I was the other man. It could be that Adriw's best old friend could have been doing him a pretty big favor. If it was for him being willing to keep the wife distracted and satisfied by servicing her, she may have simple stuck Adriw in a nursing home and let caretakers do the dirty work while selling off his assets and pocketing the money. I mean Adriw, you're welcome.


:lol::rofl::lol:

That may have been the end result but that wasn't the intent. The intent was to get his wick wet , the possibility of keeping the OM out of a nursing home was just a by product of his horniness.


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## Taxman

One of my clients was being shined on so well by his WW. He got the PI, and wanted to burst in on them. He wanted photographic evidence as well. She was so good at painting him as the bad guy. She was virtuous and upstanding, she was heavily involved with the church, and she painted herself as a saint. They burst in, and the PI was doing stills, while he took video and audio. Apparently when he burst through the door, her bowels evacuated. She had a mental breakdown, plus a $100 cleaning fee. Before you could say Jack Robinson, the video was transmitted to all of her relatives, all of her friends, the church deacons, the pastor, her office, in short, the madonna was replaced by the wh0re. Her reputation was in tatters, and people were coming up to her and chastising her for painting her husband as a seriously unbalanced suspicious fool. He ensured that he was not to be painted in the manner that he was. At the end of the day, the divorce was brutal. There was not one person on her side. She left our city and has moved across the country. Apparently, her NEW reputation followed her, as those videos seem to find where she is working and end up being played for the entertainment of her coworkers.


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## Noble1

I like stories with happy endings.


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## Taxman

Not as much as my client did. As a direct result of her exposure, she left town without so much as laying claim to the dust bunnies under the couch. He got all of their money and their home. He was fairly exhaustive in letting her know that the assets reverted to him, and if she was not going to lay claim, then he would take it all. He did. There was a little legality involved, but waivers were sent to her, and she signed, so I can only conclude that she was guilty, and let him have it all as compensation. To be frank, it was a pittance compared to the devastation left in her wake. He was up til the time he went ballistic, painted as a lunatic. She gaslighted the crap out of it. At church people were chastising him over making his wife's life miserable. Those people got a full viewing of his video. They got the full story of the affair, and how she conspired to keep herself held in high regard while her husband was slagged beyond all recognition. He heard words in church that normally are not part of the service. *****, ****, and some worse, along with profuse apologies. He wrote a stinging letter to the church, sent it to his church and the central office and formally left. He told the pastor that the behavior of everyone convinced him to be an agnostic. The church and congregation were humiliated by their acts, but of course blamed it all on the WW. The pastor had the letters blown up and posted in front of the pulpit so that parishoners would know that they had done.


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## honcho

Taxman said:


> One of my clients was being shined on so well by his WW. He got the PI, and wanted to burst in on them. He wanted photographic evidence as well. She was so good at painting him as the bad guy. She was virtuous and upstanding, she was heavily involved with the church, and she painted herself as a saint. They burst in, and the PI was doing stills, while he took video and audio. Apparently when he burst through the door, her bowels evacuated. She had a mental breakdown, plus a $100 cleaning fee. Before you could say Jack Robinson, the video was transmitted to all of her relatives, all of her friends, the church deacons, the pastor, her office, in short, the madonna was replaced by the wh0re. Her reputation was in tatters, and people were coming up to her and chastising her for painting her husband as a seriously unbalanced suspicious fool. He ensured that he was not to be painted in the manner that he was. At the end of the day, the divorce was brutal. There was not one person on her side. She left our city and has moved across the country. Apparently, her NEW reputation followed her, as those videos seem to find where she is working and end up being played for the entertainment of her coworkers.


Out of everyone I know in real life that's gotten divorced and one spouse paints the other as a "monster" or "suspicious fool" I've yet to see that actually be the case. The first story in divorce/separation is rarely the real one....and it always leads to a new "soulmate" in the shadows it seems.


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## VladDracul

I've said before every willful tort has three elements; opportunity, motivation, and rationalization. What can be better rationalization than to blame the motivation on someone else.


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## adriw7878

Holdingontoit said:


> Dude, wake up, it is 2018. You do not want to blow things up for her. If she is having an affair at work, that might threaten her high paying job.
> 
> Whereas, if you divorce her while she remains employed in her high paying job, she will have to pay you alimony. Oh, and if you can delay signing the separation papers until next year (2019), her alimony will not be tax deductible.
> 
> Then you can live every betrayed guy's dream: she pays you alimony while you use the money to pay for dates with some pretty young thing. Ex-wife is tied to her high stress full time job for years and years because she owes you alimony. And if the alimony is not deductible, she is getting shafted by you and by the IRS. Win-win-win.
> 
> Dude, whatever you do, do not undermine her job. It is your golden ticket to a happy life post-divorce.


The pain is subsiding, I plan to get hefty alimony from her as I am medically certified disabled ... but everything is working fine ...hehehe.

I am waiting for daughter's wedding after July 2018 then I throw divorce letter to her with lawyer.


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## adriw7878

jlg07 said:


> BS -- I WOULD tell his wife. YOU are not hurting them -- the POSOM is. Also, you may want to tell your friends -- to warn them about him. If he is doing your wife, what makes you think he isn't/didn't do theirs? If you don't expose, she will re-write your marriage history to everyone to make you look like it's your fault. What she did is despicable and disgusting IMO. In sickness and in health -- HAH.


Sorry .. typo errors, I WILL tell & show PI report to the 20 close friends but not to his wife. Let those friends tell her (the wife). I will also show PI report to my wife's family as she kept telling them I have lost my mind and accusing her of adultery.


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## adriw7878

Holdingontoit said:


> I tend to agree with @SunCMars that this is tragic on both sides.
> Huge understatements: No fun to be in a coma, wake up, and find out your spouse has been cheating. Also no fun to be married to someone who has been in a coma for 2 years.
> There may have been logistical / financial / insurance reasons why the wife filing for divorce while OP was in coma would have been bad for OP. So maybe she was in fact trying her best to honor her marital vows to the extent she felt she could while finding herself in an impossible situation. Not excusing her behavior but trying to be realistic about human frailty.
> I agree that relatively amicable separation is best path forward here. Will only stay amicable if OP permits his wife to maintain her career unaffected by her indiscretion. Otherwise I see this as quickly becoming all out war.


The OP was my best friend !!!!!!
I took her out of my will now ... she read letter sent by lawyers. Now, trying to get back into will ... I may have got myself a life-line now and not a pillow over my face.

Will divorce her and seek huge alimony (I am a certified disabled person) from her after my daughter's wedding in July 2018.


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## adriw7878

Graywolf2 said:


> The above are great ideas.
> 
> 
> 
> Or you could say that you did tell him about the ONS because you wanted to keep up with him and sound like one of the guys. That is you made up ONS to show that you were just as much of a stud as him. Men lie about their sexual escapades after all. If you told the OM real dates and locations for the ONS then you can explain that he knows so much about you that you had to use real dates and places for your made up ONS.
> 
> If you told him no concrete details then I like the extra touch of Rubix Cubeds the best because it causes more trouble for the OM.


Thanks guys ... I just gonna act "innocent" and laughed at her if she brings that out. I will say "The rascal was just making those stories out to get into your panties. Moron !"


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## She'sStillGotIt

adriw7878 said:


> Sorry .. typo errors, I WILL tell & show PI report to the 20 close friends but not to his wife. Let those friends tell her (the wife). I will also show PI report to my wife's family as she kept telling them I have lost my mind and accusing her of adultery.


Look, I understand that you're angry at your wife and your supposed 'best friend' for doing you so dirty. We all get it.

But this bull**** passive/aggressive nonsense plan of yours - to show all 20 friends in your social circle the report (and pictures?) the PI took and let one of THEM tell his wife, is a real chicken**** move.

That betrayed wife is a *VICTIM*, just like YOU. She's going to be devastated, JUST LIKE YOU. She's been betrayed by your wife who I assume _she _thought was a friend, so it's a double betrayal for her too, just like it is for YOU.

You're acting as though this poor betrayed wife deserves to be humiliated in front of all her friends when she finds out how everyone in her social circle got to read all about her husband's affair with her supposed friend, your wife. 

Where the hell is your compassion?

I completely agree with you showing your wife's family what a POS she is. But make sure to tell them YOU'RE no angel either screwing HER over with your dirty little one night stands. What goes around comes around, and this just happens to be the part where you reap what you've sewn.

This isn't ALL ABOUT YOU. There's another betrayed spouse here who doesn't deserve to be devastated and humiliated in front of all her friends because you'r so damned focused on revenge that you can't look past your own nose.

Shame on you.


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## bandit.45

I have to agree with She'sStillGotIt. 

The only people you need to expose your WW to are immediate family. State your case and move on. 

But if I were you I would treat this whole sorry experience as a lesson learned. Yeah, it was crappy what your BF did, but you know what? You should have never put yourself in the position where he could take advantage of you like that. I'm sorry, adriw7878, but unlike many of the other posters here, I'm having a really hard time feeling bad for you. So I won't. 

Divorce your WW, get healthy, and move on with your life. Oh...and if you get married again DON'T CHEAT!


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## MattMatt

Taxman said:


> One of my clients was being shined on so well by his WW. He got the PI, and wanted to burst in on them. He wanted photographic evidence as well. She was so good at painting him as the bad guy. She was virtuous and upstanding, she was heavily involved with the church, and she painted herself as a saint. They burst in, and the PI was doing stills, while he took video and audio. Apparently when he burst through the door, her bowels evacuated. She had a mental breakdown, plus a $100 cleaning fee. Before you could say Jack Robinson, the video was transmitted to all of her relatives, all of her friends, the church deacons, the pastor, her office, in short, the madonna was replaced by the wh0re. Her reputation was in tatters, and people were coming up to her and chastising her for painting her husband as a seriously unbalanced suspicious fool. He ensured that he was not to be painted in the manner that he was. At the end of the day, the divorce was brutal. There was not one person on her side. She left our city and has moved across the country. Apparently, her NEW reputation followed her, as those videos seem to find where she is working and end up being played for the entertainment of her coworkers.


Please note: This action, distributing videos, etc, is almost certainly now illegal and could result in jail time, fines and reduced access to any offspring.


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## introvert

What the hell, you were ****ing around on your wife, but you feel okay because it was only one night stands? Your wife has as much ammo against you as you have against her. Plus, you were comatose for however long. She probably thought that was a permanent condition and moved on in that area of her life to get by.


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## MattMatt

introvert said:


> What the hell, you were ****ing around on your wife, but you feel okay because it was only one night stands? Your wife has as much ammo against you as you have against her. Plus, you were comatose for however long. She probably thought that was a permanent condition and moved on in that area of her life to get by.


That's a good point. Sauce for the goose...


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## introvert

Honestly, why was ****ing around on your wife okay when it was you and your buddy betraying your wives? Why is her stepping out on you such a betrayal when she was suffering from caretaker burn-out and probably thinking you were in a permanent state of coma?


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## introvert

bankshot1993 said:


> OK, so let me see if I've got this right.
> 
> You had a friend that you shared a pact with to screw around on your wives and to keep it quite. So you were enabling his extra marital flings and he was enabling yours. Now , shocker of all shockers, your morally bankrupt friend has used the dirt he has on you to bed your wife along with the rest of his harem.
> 
> Gee, I feel soooooo sorry for you. You poor poor baby, it must be so hard.
> 
> You know, I really, really love karma stories.


Exactly. 

You have nada, my friend, to complain about.


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## introvert

I guess you are not brave enough to reply tonight. But, you suck. On a huge, sucky scale.


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## Diana7

Sorry but you deserve all you got. What you did to your wife was appalling and now you are complaining about her doing exactly the same thing?
You cheated having sordid one night stands, telling your despicable lying friend, it doesnt get much worse than that.

At the very least his poor wife needs to know what scum she is married to.


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## syhoybenden

Why the wait??? Consider the other BS!!! You want to let her continue to be betrayed for more than half a year? Where's your compassion?

Your plan, if that's what it is, stinks.

Just take care of business for crying out loud. Git'er done!


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## SentHereForAReason

Diana7 said:


> Sorry but you deserve all you got. What you did to your wife was appalling and now you are complaining about her doing exactly the same thing?
> You cheated having sordid one night stands, telling your despicable lying friend, it doesnt get much worse than that.
> 
> At the very least his poor wife needs to know what scum she is married to.


This, This, This! And even though horrible things were done here to each other, it's not too late to start on the path to redemption, not to this quagmire of a marriage and friendship but what you do in your life beyond this .... and it starts by manning up and telling the OMW not for your own benefit, not in this case but for hers!


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## Chaparral

You’re going to play nice until July? Live in hell till then? Good luck with that.
Plus you’re extending your best friend’s wife’s misery for another half year. Grow some nads.


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## Talker67

Holdingontoit said:


> Whereas, if you divorce her while she remains employed in her high paying job, she will have to pay you alimony. .



I LIKE the way you think!


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## jlg07

adriw7878 said:


> Sorry .. typo errors, I WILL tell & show PI report to the 20 close friends but not to his wife. Let those friends tell her (the wife). I will also show PI report to my wife's family as she kept telling them I have lost my mind and accusing her of adultery.


Still not sure why you won't share this with his wife? She deserves to know this -- what a POS she is married to. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't YOU want someone to tell you?


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## Malaise

jlg07 said:


> Still not sure why you won't share this with his wife? She deserves to know this -- what a POS she is married to. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't YOU want someone to tell you?


He would but this is all about him, isn't it?


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## alte Dame

If all of this is to be believed, you were the stereotypical hypocrite who 'didn't have affairs,' but had multiple ONS, so 'not serious betrayal,' right?

I completely sympathize with your W as I picture the whole scenario of your years in a coma: You're knocked out and your conscience-challenged 'bf' uses your infidelity to get her on side. She learns that you were a POS all those years and detaches from you. She starts to move on with her life. She doesn't realize that your supposed bf is playing her by throwing you under the bus.

This was all very painful for her, no doubt - a husband in a coma who she no longer loves or respects, but has to take care of. Now you've miraculously returned to her and she has to figure out how to rid herself of your cheating ass in a different way. While in the coma, you would be the albatross in hospice. Now she has the freedom to just divorce you - after she can manage to get past the social stigma of leaving someone who is recovering from a life-threatening event.

You should have the decency to divorce her and set her free without shaming her to all and sundry.

It was her choice to cheat, but she is, in my opinion, the poster child for extenuating circumstances.

She wasn't in a coma when you cheated in such a flippant way. What's your excuse?


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## jlg07

@adriw7878, any updates?


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## Evinrude58

OP, you screwed around on your wife for no reason.

She at least had a comatose husband for two years. How many oriole wake up from a coma after 2 years? She surely thought you were gone.

Your “best friend”—— you already knew he wasn’t loyal to his wife, why expect that he would he be loyal to YOU?

I personally hope you don’t get huge alimony, have to get a job and Move on like everyone else. You are NOT a betrayed husband. You are reaping what you sowed.

The failure to want to tell the OM’s wife further shows your character. You have no empathy for others. Your only focus seems to be yourself.


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## VladDracul

Kind of an old thread but my observation of the bright side of the WW having to pay Adriw alimony is that its probably cheaper than having to support and take care of his azz as he leverages his "disability". And she'll be able to legitimately "entertain" herself with something that doesn't require batteries.


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## hoblob

Loser. Just divorce her and live on with the alimony. You’re a scumbag and your wife isn’t the bad person here. She was true to you and you not to her.

I suspect You’re just pissed at your “friend”.

If my wife was rich and screwing around, I’d divorce in a heartbeat. Get that sweet sweet alimony


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## personofinterest

I love how many "men" are ignoring his nonchalant ons's and are still focusing on his wife. So......NOT surprising.

The real men see the big piture.


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## personofinterest

introvert said:


> What the hell, you were ****ing around on your wife, but you feel okay because it was only one night stands? Your wife has as much ammo against you as you have against her. Plus, you were comatose for however long. She probably thought that was a permanent condition and moved on in that area of her life to get by.


Yep


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## scaredlion

I read your thread and was on your side and agreeing with your plans until you came out with the few "one night stands" that you threw into the mix. You said you told your friend about the one night stands. I suggest it was probably more like bragging to your friend about your trysts and he used them against you. What your wife did is absolutely wrong but your denouncement of her reeks of hypocrisy. I do wish you well.


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## smi11ie

Your friend betrayed you. That’ll hurt.

As soon as you confess your “one night stands” then you’ll be even with your wife.


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## Beach123

There's no reason to wait until July. 

Give your cheating wife her reality now. There's no reason to delay reality.


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## sidney2718

I note that in spite of the fact that the OP (husband) cheated first, there are a few here who still blame the wife. I find that a little one-sided, right?


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## TDSC60

Affairs are wrong no matter what the circumstances. And one-night stands are just as much of an affair as banging the same guy over and over. Betrayal is betrayal no matter what the quantity. The one thing I don't know that would sway me toward him is if the one-night stands were not married. If he had ONSs with unmarried women, it is bad and not right. But what his wife is doing with a married man is worse.

But, if his wife is portraying him as mentally ill to family members because he has asked about possible affairs, he should Express Mail the PI report to all - including the other BS.


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## TDSC60

I forgot to add that I totally understand his wanting to wait until after his daughter's wedding before he blows up the affair.


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## oldtruck

I originally supported the OM till his lies by omission were revealed.
His friend was a true POS OM.
However the OP was only better in that he did not cheat with his BF's wife.

There is nothing to blow up.

The only thing to do if for the OP to expose the affair to the OMW and for him
to confront his own WW today. Then tell WW he is filing now but he will keep
things quiet because of his DD's wedding this summer.

OP, you are the pot calling the kettle black. I doubt the OP will ever come back here.


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## aine

introvert said:


> Honestly, why was ****ing around on your wife okay when it was you and your buddy betraying your wives? Why is her stepping out on you such a betrayal when she was suffering from caretaker burn-out and probably thinking you were in a permanent state of coma?


You skimmed over your own cheating and seem to hold her to a higher standard, you know that karma gets you and what goes around comes around, always! After she found out about your cheating, how do you think she should treat you? With loving open arms?


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## Openminded

First, tell her what you did.


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## alte Dame

He won't come back. He was at another board with the same story - minus the truth about the ONS's - and got sympathy and support until a member who must have read here called him out. He then disappeared.

It's interesting how human sympathy dries up with bad actors. I lost much of my compassion for him as soon as he so blithely mentioned his own cheating.


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## PigglyWiggly

it was just a couple of ONSs...what's the problem? LOL I think the OP should hook up with the best friend. They seem sexually compatible and have the same values.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Wow. How utterly twisted.


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## personofinterest

Lonely husband 42301 said:


> Wow. How utterly twisted.


You're right. The OP is utterly twisted.


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## Decorum

adriw7878 said:


> The pain is subsiding, I plan to get hefty alimony from her as I am medically certified disabled ... but everything is working fine ...hehehe.
> 
> I am waiting for daughter's wedding after July 2018 then I throw divorce letter to her with lawyer.


Any updates OP?


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