# First xmas/birthdays as a broken family approach



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Dday and the day my stbxw left was November 20 2012, my daughter's birthday. Christmas approaches, and my son's birthday is New Years Day.

Just got a text from the stbx saying we need to discuss the holidays/birthdays. It's awful. The prospect of being away from them any of these days is just heartbreaking. 

She continues to manipulate: "Just so you know I'm taking NYE off this year so you can gig if you want. In turn can you take the kids the 29th?"

Of course NYE falls on A Tuesday - which is one of the 3 days a week SHE has the kids anyway. But she's such a manipulator she acts as though she's doing me a solid and now I owe her. It just never stops with these people, does it?

I suspect the holidays and b-days are pretty much always a painful time from now on. So sad.

How do you all get through this?


----------



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yeah. Holidays do suck. How you view it all depends on how you feel. This year for xmas my ex gets my kid till 3pm xmas day. Does it suck? Hell yes!!!! So I am viewing it as I get to sleep in as late as I want. Hell, I may take some nyquil just so I sleep a little longer. My son and I can celebrate xmas at 3pm. It's not the end of the world. The fact your ex wants to discuss it with you is a good thing. It could be worse, trust me.


----------



## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Holidays are definitely difficult. I didn't behave so well on my first one apart but I did like MSC71 said, it's how you view it. 

Who says that Xmas has to be on the 25th? Start a new tradition of choosing the day you celebrate with your kids. Stay in pajamas all day, order pizza and eat in front of the TV. 

Your celebrations will not always be sad. It truly does get better. 

Have you thought about volunteering on the days during Xmas/New Year's that you don't have the kids? I find that helps me when I start feeling down. Just being out and around people helps. Not that you want to stifle your emotions, you just don't want to drown in them.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

For our first holiday I let the kids totally over-decorate our place, and changed or introduced some new traditions to make my time with them, my time. They loved it. Make your time together yours.

And I totally agree that you should be thankful your STBX is willing to talk. Mine has now virtually abandoned the kids, not seeing them in six months, with maybe one or two texts a month. Funny they don't miss him.


----------

