# Why do I want out when I'm the addict?



## bbgun83 (Nov 11, 2010)

I am a recovering alcoholic and benzo abuser. Clean for 108 Days! My problem is this, I can't stop thinking about telling my husband that I want to seperate. I love him very much and we have 2 beautiful daughters! We split up about 5 months ago for only a few weeks and during that time I binged like crazy and even slept with another man. My husband knows about the affair and I have no desire for the other guy, so that's not even an issuse. I don't have any desire to drink or use or go to bars or party. That's why I just don't understand why I feel like we should split up. I feel like our relationship will never be the same. I can't change the past and I feel like I've made a complete fool of him and for that, he deserves better. I can't get it out of my head and it's driving me crazy! Is it normal for recovering addicts to question whether or not they should be in a relationship or marriage? And should I do what my gut is telling me or just give it some time and see if the feeling blows over?
:scratchhead:


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I think when you take the booze and drugs away and you see life and your marriage through a clear lens, your thinking is much clearer.

When I stopped drinking I realized what I needed to do to save my marriage. Everything else before then was just used to cover up the hurt.

Congrats on 180. Hope you made it to 181.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Were you drinking and using the drugs when you and your hubby got together? If so, I'd say that the substances affected your judgement and opinions of him and that now that you are clearheaded, you're realizing that he's not really what you want. 

If you weren't using when the two of you got together, well...that's a little harder. It could be guilt over what you put him through...it could be that you've simply changed as a person and aren't happy anymore. 

Have you considered meeting with a therapist (or a sponsor at AA or something) to talk about what you're thinking and feeling? It might help to have a 3rd party listen to you...you might figure things out more easily than just listening to your own thoughts inside your head. They might think of questions you could ask yourself or ask you questions that clarify your feelings.


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