# H asks me to iniate then says No?!?!? WTF!!!



## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

*H asks me to initiate then says No?!?!? WTF!!!*

I'm sooo freak'n confused/frustrated/p***ed off!!!! I hear honey "I would love it if you would initiate more." I did...even when to the extra effort of 1. telling him in advance (6 days to be exact) so he can arrange his schedule to come home a half hour earlier from work ( since the kids had after school activities...2. buying a costume to try and fulfill one of his fantasies...3. reminding him that I had a surprise for him for Tuesday afternoon.

Well the surprise was on ME!!!! Not only did he not say that he couldn't come home early on thurs. fri. sat. sun. or even Mon....He decided to get up early Tuesday morning to do a freaking ab work out (me naively thinking he was getting up early so he could come home early)?!?!?!? Not to mention that he got his hair cut on that Sunday....Went in to get his wedding ring re-sized on Monday (therefore didn't have his ring on on Tuesday HMMMM) ...and decided to wear an unusually flashy outfit on that Tuesday as well?!?!?!? 

He says I'm over reacting and making a big deal out of nothing. I on the other hand find it almost unforgivable. Please give me some insight. Am I over reacting or what?!!?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I don't think you're overacting at all. I'd be worried about an affair.

Can you call the place where he left his ring and ask when you could pick it up? See if they actually have it?


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> I don't think you're overacting at all. I'd be worried about an affair.
> 
> Can you call the place where he left his ring and ask when you could pick it up? See if they actually have it?


He picked it up Tuesday before he came home that evening.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I think you are overreacting.

Initiating sex is more than putting it on a schedule days in advance. 

It's about in the moment, making the first move.

And the ring resizing equating to cheating? 

That is a real stretch.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

michzz said:


> I think you are overreacting.
> 
> Initiating sex is more than putting it on a schedule days in advance.
> 
> ...


It's not just the ring. It's the haircut and wearing flashy clothes on the day his ring just so happened to need resizing in addition to rejecting his wife who was trying to fulfill a fantasy. 

It's entirely possible that it's all a coincidence. There's no harm in making sure that he's being faithful.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm not sure what may or may not be going on. However, I think there are a few red flags there. I would pay attention to them.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I guess I have to ask whether you have sex when HE initiates it, or is he asking YOU to initiate it more because that's the only time you have sex?


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> I guess I have to ask whether you have sex when HE initiates it, or is he asking YOU to initiate it more because that's the only time you have sex?


Great question. Our sex life is unbelievable when we do engage and that's usually 3 x a week ( as long as we aren't fighting). It's just so confusing that all of the "coincidences" happen when he pushes me away. It's hard not to jump to the conclusion that something is going on...If it's not cheating I would love to know what it is so that we can work it out!! It's almost like he is afraid to be too happy?!? We had an UNBELIEVABLE week ( and he was out of town for three of the days) We talked, we shared, we were freaky on the phone (pictures and all). When he came home everything was great for two days then he started distancing himself and now we are distant.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> I'm not sure what may or may not be going on. However, I think there are a few red flags there. I would pay attention to them.


That's what frightens me....all of the red flags?!?!? I am trying so hard to trust/believe but he is making it sooooooo hard. My instincts are driving me crazy...those red flags are just SCREAMING at me... You have it exactly..."I'm not sure what may or may not be going on"...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

2sick said:


> Great question. Our sex life is unbelievable when we do engage and that's usually 3 x a week ( as long as we aren't fighting). It's just so confusing that all of the "coincidences" happen when he pushes me away. It's hard not to jump to the conclusion that something is going on...If it's not cheating I would love to know what it is so that we can work it out!! It's almost like he is afraid to be too happy?!? We had an UNBELIEVABLE week ( and he was out of town for three of the days) We talked, we shared, we were freaky on the phone (pictures and all). When he came home everything was great for two days then he started distancing himself and now we are distant.


Has it been 3x per week lately?

it may partly be perception... You see it as great and signaling that you will have sex in 6 days. he's like "WTF??? I have to wait 6 days???"

I know if I was having sex every other day and had to wait 6 days, I'm be a little edgy/frustrated by the time that day came around.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Talk to him openly and honestly about this. Find out where the miscommunication was.

Speaking as a man, I feel rejected often. He might be trying to teach you a lesson, but your husband shouldn't be doing that. I wish more wives and mine knew what it was like to be rejected regularly (I'm not saying that a lot of wifes don't).

Its hard to think strait after being rejected. Both for you and your husband.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> Has it been 3x per week lately?
> 
> it may partly be perception... You see it as great and signaling that you will have sex in 6 days. he's like "WTF??? I have to wait 6 days???"
> 
> I know if I was having sex every other day and had to wait 6 days, I'm be a little edgy/frustrated by the time that day came around.


BELIEVE IT OR NOT ...we were going at like rabbits until this sat... when he was actually asking for rest. I backed off yet still reminding him of his surprise. I guess that's why I'm saying WTF!?! How many more days of "rest"?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Sounds like a possible control thing, by telling you to ininate more, then when you do, he doesn't acknowledge it, although I'm not sure why, but then again I do not know your full story. OR there is something else going on.

Does he normally do ab workouts? 
Was it time for him to get his hair cut?
Does he not usually wear flashy outfits?

As far as the ring sizing goes, that normally takes more than one day, so I'm not as focused on that right now as the other things.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

trey69 said:


> Sounds like a possible control thing, by telling you to ininate more, then when you do, he doesn't acknowledge it, although I'm not sure why, but then again I do not know your full story. OR there is something else going on.
> 
> Does he normally do ab workouts?
> Was it time for him to get his hair cut?
> ...


Yes he LOVES to work out but usually not in the morning (this is only the second time he's done that).

No he had cut his hair himself the previous weekend but he wanted to "shape it up".

No he usually doesn't wear his going out clothes to work even though he always looks good when he goes to work.

So YOUR guess is as good as mine?!?!? I brought up the ring because he said on Thursday evening he wanted to resize it but even though we went out Fri., Sat and Sun. he decided not to do it until the weekday. I know, sound stupid on my part but knowing that my spouse already is a suspicious person and things were going so well, I would have thought he would have preferred to have me with him when he left his ring. IDK ?!?


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

2sick said:


> 1. telling him in advance (6 days to be exact) so he can arrange his schedule to come home a half hour earlier from work ( since the kids had after school activities...2. buying a costume to try and fulfill one of his fantasies...3. reminding him that I had a surprise for him for Tuesday afternoon.


In my work place its almost better to not show up at all on a given day then to try to leave consipcously early. I suppose I could have made up an excuse to leave early but that would look lame. The guy I work for comes in late and works late, so the odds of him asking me for something when I'm ready to leave can occationally come up. I think there was an expection on 2sicks part that I would come home early no matter what, when I was thinking that I would try to come home early if I could. Anyway, she could have dressed up later on that evening, the kids are old enough now that a closed door means keep out - we've had some pretty fantastic sex while the kids are sleeping. I really appreciate her going to the trouble, but when I couldn't get home early enough she took it as total slap in the face.



> Well the surprise was on ME!!!! Not only did he not say that he couldn't come home early on thurs. fri. sat. sun. or even Mon....He decided to get up early Tuesday morning to do a freaking ab work out (me naively thinking he was getting up early so he could come home early)?!?!?!?


2sick doesn't like my dedication to fitness - and it had no bearing on leaving early or not. I've already had situations with this boss where I've insisted on leaving before he wanted me too, eventhough I'd put in a regular day. This is in constrast to a few months ago on a different project where I could come and go as I pleased.



> ]Not to mention that he got his hair cut on that Sunday....Went in to get his wedding ring re-sized on Monday (therefore didn't have his ring on on Tuesday HMMMM) ...and decided to wear an unusually flashy outfit on that Tuesday as well?!?!?!?


I went to the barber shop with my son who badly needed a haircut. I got a trim since I occationally cut my own hair but cannot trim around my ears or back of neck very well. My wedding ring has been loose for years, almost lost it on a family vaction in Bahamas and more recently while on travel for work. Dropped the ring off Mon. at lunch and picked it up the next day (Tuesday) at lunch (the work involved welding small spheres on the inside of the ring so its pretty obvious that some work was performed). Flashy outfit, buisness slacks and buisness long sleeve button down dress shirt. The flash was me wearing the leather coat 2sick got me for christmas since the weather is getting warmer. 2sick made the comment, "your wearing that leather jacket and no wedding ring" I left the jacket behind but was irritated.



> He says I'm over reacting and making a big deal out of nothing. I on the other hand find it almost unforgivable. Please give me some insight. Am I over reacting or what?!!?


If you've read any of 2sick's or my previous posts you'd know were in MC and the issue of trust is front and center.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

anx said:


> Talk to him openly and honestly about this. Find out where the miscommunication was.
> 
> Speaking as a man, I feel rejected often. He might be trying to teach you a lesson, but your husband shouldn't be doing that. I wish more wives and mine knew what it was like to be rejected regularly (I'm not saying that a lot of wifes don't).
> 
> Its hard to think strait after being rejected. Both for you and your husband.


Maybe so?!? But we've been married for almost 17 years now and he brought the initiating up in MC along with losing weight. SOOOO... I bought Nutrisystem (since I haven't been able to loose the weight on my own--- another thread ALL together.) and tried to be more ****ty/seductive (since he's looking for the "porn star" in me). So I would LOVE to know what it is he wants NOW!!!! In regards to the open and honest communication....I'm actually lol because that's ALL I WANT!!!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> In my work place its almost better to not show up at all on a given day then to try to leave consipcously early. I suppose I could have made up an excuse to leave early but that would look lame. The guy I work for comes in late and works late, so the odds of him asking me for something when I'm ready to leave can occationally come up. I think there was an expection on 2sicks part that I would come home early no matter what, when I was thinking that I would try to come home early if I could. Anyway, she could have dressed up later on that evening, the kids are old enough now that a closed door means keep out - we've had some pretty fantastic sex while the kids are sleeping. I really appreciate her going to the trouble, but when I couldn't get home early enough she took it as total slap in the face.


I want to apologize in front for ranting with each other on the post but I have yet to cool off and he has just freakin' p***ed me off more!!!

OMG!!! You come home early ALLL of the time!!! In fact you usually come home earlier than when you came home on that Tuesday?!?!?!?!? Also if I recall you seemed to have issues with "the kids being old enough"....Make up your mind .....Remember the ROBE,...honey the kids might come in?!?!?!? Scheduling NEVER seemed to be a problem when YOU want to do something...You had 6 days to rearrange your schedule...or even...believe it or not say "honey I won't be able to come home early?!?!?!?!?" 



2sick doesn't like my dedication to fitness - and it had no bearing on leaving early or not. I've already had situations with this boss where I've insisted on leaving before he wanted me too, eventhough I'd put in a regular day. This is in constrast to a few months ago on a different project where I could come and go as I pleased.


[/QUOTE] I went to the barber shop with my son who badly needed a haircut. I got a trim since I occationally cut my own hair but cannot trim around my ears or back of neck very well. [/QUOTE] 

He cut his hair the previous weekend!!!! Honestly wasn't much of an issue until the sex stopped and all of the "coincidences" started. 

[/QUOTE]My wedding ring has been loose for years, almost lost it on a family vaction in Bahamas and more recently while on travel for work. Dropped the ring off Mon. at lunch and picked it up the next day (Tuesday) at lunch (the work involved welding small spheres on the inside of the ring so its pretty obvious that some work was performed).[/QUOTE]
Still don't know why we couldn't do it Fri., Sat. or Sun. together since it was such a quick job.?!?!?

[/QUOTE]Flashy outfit, buisness slacks and buisness long sleeve button down dress shirt. The flash was me wearing the leather coat 2sick got me for christmas since the weather is getting warmer. 2sick made the comment, "your wearing that leather jacket and no wedding ring" I left the jacket behind but was irritated.[/QUOTE] 

The flash was that he was wearing the shirt he usually wears on date night and then want ed to wear the leather coat on top of that!!!



If you've read any of 2sick's or my previous posts you'd know were in MC and the issue of trust is front and center.[/QUOTE]

Open and HONEST communication is front and center


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## Camper (Feb 26, 2011)

I get rejected by my wife all the time. She says, if you want it take it. But then doesn't give it up. One rejection... That was like my first day of marriage. I wouldn't take it too hard or make too big of a deal out of it. Try again and see how it plays out. As a man, I like sex much more when we are out of town. Less distractions... Perhaps you guys can get away for a weekend together. Enjoy each others company, go out to dinner, talk...reaffirm your feeling to each other. 

I find it sort of humorous that you get to feel what it's like to be a guy...one time. Thanks for sharing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just a tip - don't schedule it. Ruins the fun, surprise, tease, etc.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Wow! Found out h wasn't planning on coming home early in the first place?!? Nor was he planning on telling me...WTF! Even though he said to me THE ENTIRE TIME can't wait. What kind of person does that to someone they supposedly love? I'm blind with rage!!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Just a tip - don't schedule it. Ruins the fun, surprise, tease, etc.


Actually it was spin off of an earlier "come home early" session...he said have to this again...so that's what I was doing. Oh well surprise was on me...NEVER AGAIN.u


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh, try not doing as you're told 

But then again I don't know, I've given out a few hints and tips to some women in the past on this forum who were initiating to their men, but I'm an individual with my own specific tastes - I like challenge/lure/tease/the game/etc. 

As such, I don't know if I can be of much help in your situation but I can try my best. I will admit however that having a "schedule" kills it for me, feels like routine. Don't know about other guys but I'm just that way.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Heh, try not doing as you're told
> 
> But then again I don't know, I've given out a few hints and tips to some women in the past on this forum who were initiating to their men, but I'm an individual with my own specific tastes - I like challenge/lure/tease/the game/etc.
> 
> ...


I'm with you .personally I want to be wooed and romanced ...I dont think its too enticing for me to initiate but was just doing it for him?!? Done trying.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

2sick said:


> Wow! Found out h wasn't planning on coming home early in the first place?!? Nor was he planning on telling me...WTF! Even though he said to me THE ENTIRE TIME can't wait. What kind of person does that to someone they supposedly love? I'm blind with rage!!


Have you point blank asked him why he wasn't planning on coming home early? And why he wasn't planning on telling you?


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## CarolinaGirl (Feb 13, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

trey69 said:


> Have you point blank asked him why he wasn't planning on coming home early? And why he wasn't planning on telling you?


That was the only way I found out that he wasn't going to come...still don't know why!?!? Maybe he'll tell me eventually.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

all i can really say is wow...i mean really wow. i don't see how any of those things spell affair personally. first if you don't want him wearing a leather jacket don't buy him one, second you are mad bc he resized his ring bc he almost lost it before? third sex 3xs a week, seriously stopping whining lol, i would cut my baby toe off for sex once a week. wow.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

It sounds to me like, what the OP is more upset about than anything is the fact that he didn't come home when he said he would, nor had an explanation for it either. So I guess its not so much about the ring, or the clothes or with ab workout as it is, him not doing what he said he would. The fact that he is telling her she is over reacting and its no big deal is says he is dodging something he doesn't want to own up to. That's what you need to find out, why he didn't follow through on what he said he was going to do.


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

AgentD said:


> it is, him not doing what he said he would. The fact that he is telling her she is over reacting and its no big deal is says he is dodging something he doesn't want to own up to.


No mystery, this is a six figure job related to a major DOD weapons systems. Sometimes things come up and leaving at 2:30p isn't always a good option. My intention was to leave early if possible, but sometimes things come up. As is stands I left around 4:00p, not exactly burning the mid-night oil.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Bad News said:


> No mystery, this is a six figure job related to a major DOD weapons systems. Sometimes things come up and leaving at 2:30p isn't always a good option. My intention was to leave early if possible, but sometimes things come up. As is stands I left around 4:00p, not exactly burning the mid-night oil.


And this is in relation to the OP thread how?


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> No mystery, this is a six figure job related to a major DOD weapons systems. Sometimes things come up and leaving at 2:30p isn't always a good option. My intention was to leave early if possible, but sometimes things come up. As is stands I left around 4:00p, not exactly burning the mid-night oil.


Most definitely agree that sometimes things come up....BUT that has NOTHING to do with TUESDAY! You were not EVEN planning on coming home....YOU LIED to me about "HOW YOU CAN'T WAIT"....WTF Just man up and say Honey probably won't be able to make it on tuesday why don't we try and do the surprise that night ....INSTEAD OF FREAK'n LIE!!!!

AND bTW you have NO problem leaving during lunch, leaving Early or even getting in late when it pleases you so don't go with the BS about how important your job is...(didn't you say you were coming home early today to EXERCISE?!?!?!?!?)


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> As is stands I left around 4:00p, not exactly burning the mid-night oil.



AND you knew I had to pick up our son at 4:45 (needing to leave at (4:15) SOOOO you NEVER burn the midnight oil....you're usually home before 3:45 anyway!!!!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> No mystery, this is a six figure job related to a major DOD weapons systems. .


 I guess you don't have so much major dod weapons systems tasks to do today at your six figure job?!?!?!?!?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Whoa! Bad News and 2sick are married? Sorry I didn't know that. Bad News, Disregard my last post to you when i asked what did it have to do with the OP thread, I see why now.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

AgentD said:


> It sounds to me like, what the OP is more upset about than anything is the fact that he didn't come home when he said he would, nor had an explanation for it either. So I guess its not so much about the ring, or the clothes or with ab workout as it is, him not doing what he said he would. The fact that he is telling her she is over reacting and its no big deal is says he is dodging something he doesn't want to own up to. That's what you need to find out, why he didn't follow through on what he said he was going to do.


:iagree::iagree:
THAT is the magic question which has been going on since 2002!!! If it's not affairs then what...I have known this man for over 30 years...SOMETHING is up...he insists on no affairs but sooooo much has gone one...he has pushed me away toooo many times for nothing to be going on. I would just love for him to ONCE in his life be able to just OPENLY and HONESTLY talk to me because he has not up to this point! Don't know if it is just because he hasn't faced something within himself or what....but I would love to know the REAL truth!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

sntdwn2ufrmhvn said:


> all i can really say is wow...i mean really wow. i don't see how any of those things spell affair personally. first if you don't want him wearing a leather jacket don't buy him one, second you are mad bc he resized his ring bc he almost lost it before? third sex 3xs a week, seriously stopping whining lol, i would cut my baby toe off for sex once a week. wow.


First, ALL those things spell out "I don't give a rat's A** about you or your feelings"... and THAT's what hurts!!!! Second, I'm not the one who is saying sexual satisfaction is #1 in the marriage, he is!!!! SOOO the 3x weekly is FOR HIM not me!!!! third, he knew he wanted to resize that ring thursday night; so, if that job of his is SOOOO important and he can't look like he's goofing off, why would he wait until Monday during lunch (taking a LONG lunch BTW) to do something he should have done during the weekend (we were right by the mall after MC). Finally, you are completely right!!! In isolation those things seem UNBELIEVABLY trivial but this stuff and he attitude have been going on for years and are just adding up. So I understand not knowing the entire situation how you would think I was whinning over something so stupid...But to me it's just a continuation of the slaps in the face he has been giving me for almost a decade!!!


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

AgentD said:


> Whoa! Bad News and 2sick are married? Sorry I didn't know that. Bad News, Disregard my last post to you when i asked what did it have to do with the OP thread, I see why now.


Holy crap... was reading this thread and thought: "This is a strange debate." And then I saw this...:wtf:


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