# Old flame trying to rekindle relationship



## sunnyday (Jul 31, 2008)

Hello, it seems I am in need of some objective advice again. In a nut shell I have been seriously involved with a widower for the past year. After the death of his wife of thirty five years he met and fell in love with another woman who had also recently lost her spouse. Several months after meeting he moved to another state due to his job. They continued long distance with monthly weekend visits. After a year and a half she broke off the relationship. It devastated him needless to say. I came into the picture seven months later. We instantly hit it off one of those rare situations where all the pieces fit. He assured me he was over the other woman. 

Well, last week out of the blue she decided to contact him by email, he told me she had written and that he had responded and explained to her that he had met someone was in love and was planning his future with me. According to him she wrote back to say she wished him well, and to stay in touch if he wanted to.

I asked him what he thought of her last comment he said it meant she had no intentions of contacting him in the future but he could stay in touch with her if he so desired. He said he had no interest in doing so. He assured me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

My take....it was an open invite on her part for him to stay in touch....if she where not interested in hearing from him again she would not have made the offer. 

Would very much like to hear what others think of her comment.

I know there is no place in a love relationship for jealousy fear and doubt...love is suppose to include trust. He has given me no reason not to trust...it is the other woman that causes me pain. I love this man very much but I am afraid she wants him back and will not give up so easily. I believe she now realizes what a terrific man she had and what a mistake she made breaking up with him....my little voice has been telling me that all along.

So, how do I cope with this past love. She knows how badly he was hurt when she broke it off so why contact him a year later??? I do not trust her and I fear she will continue to try and rekindle the relationship any way she can...he is a kind, loving man who would help anyone in need and she knows it. 

Does anyone have advice on how I can cope with her... how much do I tell him about my fears etc??? Thank you for your help.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

It IS possible that she wants only to be a friend. It <could> be that she realized what she lost (or couldn't find in anyone since). 

The "if you want" line may be due to the fact that he now has you and doesn't want to jeopardize that and that she'd understand if he doesn't contact her. 

I wouldn't communicate your fears just yet. But since he DID advise you of the email, I'd take that as meaning he's being open and honest with you. That's a good thing.  

When my wife and I separated, it was amicable (i.e. not angry). I've talked to her a few times since (and the divorce that finally happened (that was mutual)). 

My GF knows about her and has no problems with it. GF knows I'm over the ex a long time ago. 

So, I wouldn't worry too much right now. I'm not suggesting snooping (because if you're caught, you've broken a trust) but just be aware in case he's being secretive. But he probably won't be since he's already told you about it.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i wouldn't worry unless/until there's a reason. he was straight up w/ you about the e-mail, so he's not hiding anything. unless this woman shows up at his front door, i don't think you'll have a problem


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