# Is this normal?



## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

My wife recently had a PA and now when I'm with her, my libido has dropped significantly when I'm with her. Is this normal for a man after their spouse has had a PA??


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

My W never had an affair, but if she did, I don't think I would be attracted to her in that way. Everyone reacts differently, and the mind can play some weird tricks on you. But the thought that another guy was down there would make me see a big sign on her that said "Spoiled Goods", and it would take some heavy work to get the feelings back.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It's completely understandable. You and your wife used to share intimacy. You no longer have that because your wife chose to be intimate with another. Things will probably never be exactly the same. Some folks can never get over such a violation. If you choose to, you're going to have to man up and accept what has happened and truly forgive her. Neither of you can change the past. Adultary jeapordizes healthy relationships, which is why we should avoid the practice. It'd be a little weird if you could just hop back in the rack with her and feel exactly the same as before the violation. If you have a loving pet, ..say a dog and you love and pet this dog every day for years.....one day, assault the dog with a baseball bat and then immediately try to pet it again. Your choice to beat the dog was a choice to break the bonds of love and trust. Your wife's choice to have an affair was a choice for you to live with the pain of her selfish decision. She valued her temporary pleasure over the marriage and over your trust and love. Your choice to try to make things work after the affair was a choice to accept and deal with all the ill effects of the affair.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

I wouldn't call it abnormal. Who wants to touch someone or be intimate with someone that has been with gawd knows who for who knows how long and who knows when the last time she was with that OM? And for that matter, that took every ounce of trust and every ounce of your being and deceived you in the worst sort of way? I mean how attactive does that make the DS?

I wouldn't touch my wife with a 10 foot pole (yes she was told this) after I found out about her PA. But I know and understand that everyone isn't like me!!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Very understandable.
I had the same felling sometimes after my wife's affair, but realized that we had both made terrible mistakes and truly loved each other. That feeling went away shortly and has never returned.


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## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

DanF said:


> Very understandable.
> I had the same felling sometimes after my wife's affair, but realized that we had both made terrible mistakes and truly loved each other. That feeling went away shortly and has never returned.


That's what I want to happen. For these feelings to go away. I guess time heals all wombs. Emotionally, my wife's professed love for me hasn't changed a bit (we have been married for 22 years and a husband can tell), and that's an encouraging sign. We both made a mistake about talking about going outside our marriage for sexual kicks. She acted on it, and I haven't, nor do I want to now. It just causes pain and confusion.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

louiswin said:


> That's what I want to happen. For these feelings to go away. I guess time heals all wombs. Emotionally, my wife's professed love for me hasn't changed a bit (we have been married for 22 years and a husband can tell), and that's an encouraging sign. We both made a mistake about talking about going outside our marriage for sexual kicks. She acted on it, and I haven't, nor do I want to now. It just causes pain and confusion.


We both went outside looking for the love and attention that we weren't giving to each other. I still have unhappy thoughts, anger, jealousy at times, but it is diminishing.
The best advice that I can give is to be open and talk to your wife about your feelings and ask the same from her.
If you are both committed, it will get better.


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## Confused1979 (Jan 4, 2010)

I feel the same way about my spouse right now. I was made aware he has been cheating on me which he denys 100% but I feel the same way. He expects me to have sex with him even though I feel disgust and have mental pictures of him and this OW. Good luck! Just give it time and maybe let her know how your feeling and ensure her how much you love her. After a while of just connecting emotionally may help you get back on the right path again.


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## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

My birthday is this weekend. We plan on having a date night on Saturday. I'm hoping for a reconnection soon. I didn't have a problem last night as it's been awhile (if you know what I mean). I just hope this continues. I have come to realize that we, as human beings, all make mistakes. I have an opportunity to be with another woman. It's there for the taking, but I'm not going there. I've told my wife this. I also told her that I know first hand the pain and heartache it causes. It's not worth it!


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