# unhappy wife



## redcut (Apr 29, 2010)

Ive been married over 20 years to a beautiful lady who I love. She's 13 years younger than me and we've had usual ups and downs. We had a successful business for over 10 years and closed it as it was dragging and she wanted a different job, so as not to be w me 24 7. 

We've got 3 kids in high school, all good boys all honest and all computer kids. 

My spouse has shown unhappiness w me. She's stayed trim, active, and has interesting job. I've slowed down, trying to retire, some health issues. Yeah overweight. I would like for her to have a happiness like we had earlier but I'm afraid her resentment to me is beyond fixing. She is a good woman, great family, hard worker, loves her kids and wants the best for the kids but slowly I feel out of the loop. 

We still have a relationship but I feel she has decided not to share her thoughts and our communication seems very one sided. She has mentioned separation. She says there is no one else. She does not lie although she has been quiet about her activities and seems to not want to share talking.

I am a Christian and have prayed but there seems little change. I feel terrible, unable to see a resolve or to find a way for her to love me again.

Is it all over?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The best advice I can suggest is to work on your own issues and if you do it for yourself, she may come around over time if she sees the changes are there to stay. Find some hobbies you enjoy, start focusing on your health and take an active role in getting fit, etc.


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## redcut (Apr 29, 2010)

Thank you. You've reiterated what I need to hear. God bless you.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I would recommend that you take a hard look at your coping strategies when you're stressed redcut. Personally, when I'm upset I train, and frankly trial tends to move me further from my God. I'm working on this. 

In one sense you are far better off than I am, as when you undergo trials you turn to prayer. This is awesome because as you move closer to God, God moves closer to you. However, in this case, we're trying to get your wife to move closer to you. That's only going to happen by working more on physical attraction. Don't be upset with her, I think she actually demonstrated her love and commitment towards you by informing you what you need to "work on".

I think you could learn a little from me and I from you. Try incorporating prayer into you physical training. You'll find that once you've conditioned yourself a bit, your mind really quiets and at least for me, it's easily my most effective venue for praying.

Honor your wife by honoring yourself. You owe it both to her and to God to make sure that properly care for your body. I think this is an area where good Christians often misinterpret the scriptures. If our loving God truely dwells inside of us as we believe, then why would we ever construct our temple to him out of french fries and twinkies?

LIL


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## redcut (Apr 29, 2010)

Thanks Last. 

I have an obsessive personality and go overboard in what I do or I don't do it at all. Good and bad. I have dieted last 3 days and exercised. So this is the 4th day and I have included these activities in my day. Hopefully in a week or 2 it will be a routine in my life, evolving and changing as I go. 

I have South Beach diet plan notes and will be getting into this diet whether it influences her decision or not. This will surely increase my ego and lengthen my longevity. 

The kids need a dad. 

Faith in an orderly, fair God that gives me free will at the same time planning the world is my believe. Christianity is a religion of love and I have committed as best I can to this faith.

Again thank you for your comments. It has influenced me to go the route needed.

My leaf is turning.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would:
Walk every single day to start losing weight carefully and not get burned out and give up.

Start talking to her at least once a day where you just listen to her and care about her and her day.

Learn more about her Emotional Needs and your Love Busters (Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice) and meet her ENs and stop your LBs. It's entirely possible (and within her right) that she is turned off by you being overweight, which would be one of your LBs, and your job to fix.

Start working toward spending 15 hours a week together - fun stuff like walking, day trips, museums, movies, board games, etc. - aside from kids and housecare time. If she balks at that, or says no when you invite her to do things, then you need to consider whether she HAS found someone else to invest in, and consider snooping (fyi, when people cheat, they ALWAYS say there is no one else).

Think back to when you were dating, and try to recapture that somehow - so that when she thinks of you, she thinks of happy things, good feelings, and wants to spend time with you.


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