# wife jealous of husbands weightloss...



## Heartbroken (Apr 12, 2008)

Okay, so I've posted before on the infidelity page about my husband admitting to an emotional affair. We are still together working on things. My husband is a handsome man and over the past 3 years has lost 60 lbs. and keeping them off. He is a true role model for excersize and portion control eating. He is faithfull with his treadmill and situps and pushups every night. I am just so jealous!! He is the one who cheated and I am the overwight (225#, 5ft 5in.) one. I do not work. I am stay at home mom. I don't excersize regularly. Why? What's keeping me from it? I am not 'extremely' lazy, but I am lazy--obviously. I just can't motivate myself to try and lose this weight. What is wrong with me? I hate that my husband works primarily with females. He works long hours. -- But he does come home to me every night. I just can't quit suspecting him to be cheating. It's been 12 months since he confessed to me that he was not happy with himself, he felt suicidal, he had been unfaithful to me before we were married 14 years ago, and he thought he was attracted to a woman form his work. Since the past year I still check his wallet, check his cell phone, and check our computer history for anything... I just don't know why I can't get past this.. Just verbal diarreha I guess, about all the thoughts in my head... Just need to get them out and talk to someone. Thanks to anyone that can relate. ...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Jeez, girl...just get out and walk around the block a couple of times. If you're having body image problems, do something about it, quit whining.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Maybe it isn't being lazy but rather depression. Try to turn it into an obsession. Every time you feel jealous jump on that tread mill.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Hmmm alot going on...

My recomendations...

1. get a job, you are home and driving yourself nuts worrying about your husband.

My wife is georgous and men hit on her all the time, but I trust her, even though back when we dated she had a fling with someone else, we got over it.

2. Get in shape, when women are upset, they have a tendency to turn to food for comfort, men workout or do some sort of activity. When i get mad at my wife I have a tendency to clean the house, (so she gets me mad as much as possible  ) 

But I have been working out the last year and shown great progress, my wife is not out of shape, but she can get in better shape, (we all can) so she asked me to help her get in shape, So I am helping her exercise with certain programs. You should ask your husband to be your coach and help you get back to mrs. sexy 

Really it is all up to you, you can sit home and worry about your husband and continue to eat, Or you can get a job, start working out and have him help you get in shape, you will communicate better and I bet your jealousy will subdue the more you communicate with your husband and the better you feel about yourself.

Start with small goals and work towards them, I am sure he would appreciate your hard work.

You need to get out of the house and do something. there is a web site called, "meet up" google it, there are groups in your neighborhood that can help you get in shape and get out more often.

Best of luck


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

How's that go? The devil finds work for idle minds...

If you're sitting at home with nothing to do but eat, you need to change your thinking. Don't think big picture, but think small time frames. 
1) get a gym membership
2) vow to go every day, AND DO IT
3) increase your resistance each week by a little bit
4) when you go to the grocery store, DON'T buy anything but healthy stuff! Sitting around staring at chips all day is only going to make you eat them. DO NOT BUY THEM

I guarantee that you'll feel better just from working out. When you hit moderate to hard workouts on your lungs, you'll release endorphins in your brain that will make you feel better.

If you don't have the motivation to get to the gym every day, then sign up for classes they offer. This will make you feel obligated to go. Meet people there that can workout with you. I just started working out again, and I have a workout buddy. I had always heard that having a workout buddy is better than not. I never believed it until I actually started working out with someone. Not only does it make the time pass much faster, but it obligates you to go b/c they're going to be there too. And you workout and talk at the same time and before you know it, an hour has passed. 

Good luck. It sounds to me like your idle mind is just looking for some drama to hone in on.


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

Heartbroken said:


> Since the past year I still check his wallet, check his cell phone, and check our computer history for anything...


You obviously don't trust and respect your husband anymore. I would leave my relationship if my significant other did this to me, but that is just me. It seems like your going through a bout of depression that needs to be addressed before HE leaves you one day. Be it through a doctor and medication, or therapy, or self help and exercise, or all three. This is the time where you have to get off your butt, literally, and start fighting for YOU and your relationship will follow.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

The first step in fighting depression is exercise. Start naturally and if none of that works, then go up to the doctor and meds level. But I promise that once you hit that heavy exercise threshold you'll start to feel better. 

Another thing I do for depression is St. John's Wort, or Vitamin B, or Primrose Oil. All three are NATURAL mood enhancers and they work great for me. I guess I just have such an adversion to pills pills pills.

Good luck


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## Emerson (Oct 6, 2008)

I do agree with the poster who mentioned the idle minds adage. I find that is the case with me. If I have less to think about with work, volunteering, kids, etc. I start to think about things in my personal life and making a bigger deal of them than they really are. I also think about food and what I "feel" like eating regardless if I am hungry or not.

I am similiar to you in that I need to lose weight. I continually told myself, tomorrow I'm going to get up early and exercise or tomorrow I am hardly going to eat anything... Tomorrow never seemed to come and the food just looked too good. 

I decided I needed more discipline so I ordered the nutrisystem diet plan. You receive the food and add your own fruits, vegetables, dairy etc. in the specified amounts. I've only done it for 1 week and 1 day but I have already lost 7 pounds! The scale shows a weight that it hasn't in at least 3 years! I have about 63 more to go to my goal but I really feel like I can stick to this! I'm rarely hungry and I even really like the food so far. A lot of it I would eat if I could buy it at the grocery store. It cost me about $297 for the month of food which I really don't think is that bad considering normal meals cost money too. I need to incorporate exercise but I'm having a harder time finding the will to do that along with everything else that accompanies a full time job, housework and 2 young children. 

You only need to buy one month at a time so maybe you could give it a try for one month and see how it goes.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Emerson said:


> I do agree with the poster who mentioned the idle minds adage. I find that is the case with me. If I have less to think about with work, volunteering, kids, etc. I start to think about things in my personal life and making a bigger deal of them than they really are. I also think about food and what I "feel" like eating regardless if I am hungry or not.
> 
> I am similiar to you in that I need to lose weight. I continually told myself, tomorrow I'm going to get up early and exercise or tomorrow I am hardly going to eat anything... Tomorrow never seemed to come and the food just looked too good.
> 
> ...


Congrats on the weight loss.

draconis


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## Savetherock (Aug 27, 2008)

Yes congrats on the weight loss. 7 pounds in a week is great!

To Heartbroken, sometimes it is easier to maintain goals when we have accountability. This can be a way to strengthen your relationship as well. Set realistic weekly goals. I mean really set them, write them in a goal journal. Things like go for a 30 min walk 3 times this week. Then on Sunday, sit down with your husband and tell him your goals. The next Sunday, sit down again and access how you did. Did you complete your goals? If you did, can you do more? If you didn't, why not? 

Sometimes it's also good to have "punishment" for not reaching a knowingly attainable goal. Like less TV time that week since you didn't give it your all. Just a thought.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I totally get where you are coming from. My husband can just focus better and is very driven and self-motivated once he starts something. Since I've known him, he works out several times a week and when we lived near LA the Atkins diet was all the rage and being curious (he has studied how protein, carbs, etc work with exercise & building muscle) so he went on it and lost 8 lbs in a few weeks (don't know where it came from because he's never been overweight)...anyway, yes it's aggravating!! 

Bottom line, he just does it...no excuses. I could find every excuse in the book to put it off until tomorrow. Here's what I did...was out of shape and not exercising for a few years but like to run. I started slow...3 miles 3 days a week, walked 1/2 of it at first & my goal was to jog the whole thing by the end of the summer. By June, I met that goal and mentally didn't have the drive to keep going. My neighbor saw me running and asked if I wanted to train for a 1/2 marathon with her...told her she was nuts but she sent me the schedule anyway. I looked at it and it was basically doing 2-3 miles a few days a week then a longer run on the weekends...it sounded hard but doable so I decided to try it...the goal gave me the reason I needed to keep going. I didn't break any speed records (far from it!!) but I did run the 1/2 marathon & was pretty darn proud of myself when I crossed the finish line! Ok, it was slightly embarrassing when a few of the Kenyan full marathon runners passed me up towards the end, but my goal was realistic (to finish under 3 hours) and it felt good when I did.

What I needed to do was to force myself to meet some sort of goal. Once I got into it, it was honestly easy to eat healthy, I felt soooo much better about myself, so it does help with your own confidence, self-image, etc. The worst thing you can do is put it off because you feel you have too long of a way to go to get where you want to be...and you have your husband as an example that you will get there...you just have to want it enough. 

The thing with forcing yourself at first is that it gives you energy and makes you feel good...that will usually motivate you to keep going. When you are feeling bad about yourself, it's hard to even want to start but it is so worth it


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I think that your insecurity is in yourself. Yes, he cheated and so there is that doubt but with seeing him look so good and you are not happy with yourself I think you will not get rid of this doubt. Do something! Get in shape for YOU. Make yourself happy or you cannot make him happy. To a degree I have some experience. After having 2 kids and being 39, I was not happy with myself and put on a few extra pounds. Within 3 months, I lost it all. This was something I thought was impossible as I have never been able to lose weight, not even 5 pounds. Well I lost 27. I went past my goal and am in better shape than maybe I ever have been. My husband was the first to lose weight, but it took him 2 years to lose 40 pounds, now its me who motivates him to go out and run with me, he told me the other day he was jealous of MY weightloss and getting in to shape so "easily". It was a mindset, I determined I will do this and nothing will stop me. Now not only did I lose weight, but put on muscle and I have 100% confidence in myself. He had cheated on me too, and I think very much it had to do with him losing attraction for me....as well as being a complete jerk but that's another story. Now I am like you, suspicious. Although he's been 100% committed to fixing what he screwed up. However, now I think to myself if he ever cheats again, I will throw his butt to the street and have no problem now moving on. I deserve a faithful partner and if he's not it...well I can stand on my own and move on. My confidence changed and that is one of the things my husband commented on how much he loves how I am so confident now and how that really shows. So get your mind in the right place, figure out what works for you. For me it is exercise 6 days a week, portion control, eating the right food, and eating nothing after 6pm. First month was tough, now its a habit. I have no desire to eat the kind of food I used to. I enjoy eating healthy.


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## Heartbroken (Apr 12, 2008)

Thank You so much!! You have inspired me. You seem to know just where I am coming from. You are right about doing this for ME. I am so tired of being overweight and not having energy. I just needed to hear from someone else, like you, that people feel like me and are going through the same things. It is nice to hear how other people can cope and succeed in making there lives better for themselves. Thanks again for your reply...


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## Heartbroken (Apr 12, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Jeez, girl...just get out and walk around the block a couple of times. If you're having body image problems, do something about it, quit whining.



Your_ bluntness_ is appreciated, I guess...


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Let us know if/when you get started and keep us posted...we will be here for you if you need accountability and support to keep going & we'd love to hear your progress!


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## Serenity (Oct 13, 2008)

Dear Heartbroken,

When it comes to a husband's affair, I think every woman becomes hypercritical and picks herself to pieces. But you have to remember that this is a failing of his character, not yours, and he is the one who needs to prove himself to you. If you start going on a diet and acting as if its your fault, that is the wrong message to give him. 

I think a better approach would be to make him cook for you this month, every night, and do all the dishes. And tell him you'll gain 200 lb's MORE if he does anything like this again.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Serenity said:


> When it comes to a husband's affair, I think every woman becomes hypercritical and picks herself to pieces. But you have to remember that this is a failing of his character, not yours, and he is the one who needs to prove himself to you.


While I agree with you on this, based on the title of the thread alone I don't think she will feel better about herself by making demands and gaining more weight...it will most likely make her feel even worse or push him away (who likes to be punished like a child within their marriage?) To me, not doing anything to feel better about herself is more damaging than anything else going on...I think when she's on that roll she won't magically forget the past but she will be able to better see it as his issue, not hers.


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