# Big day for me today



## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

Many of you would have followed my story... 
Separated 5 months, married 2 yrs, 3 children.
I have done the opposite to 180 for months, with the intention of saving our marriage. FAILED massively!
Since 180 has been used, things seem to have changed....
My wife went very cold and distant, not really wanting anything to do with me, telling me 100% it was done, she could never love me again etc...
BUT she has warmed up, after a while of her being better with me, I asked if I can come over tonight once kids are in bed to discuss our future, and what WE can do TOGETHER to start to get back on track.
1) I am hoping I am not going to go there, do all the talking and her say "its over"
2) How should I play this? cool, assertive, ......
End goal is I love my wife and kids and do want them back, all under 1 roof...
If anyone been in this situation, or has any advice... all welcome
Thanks


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

My advice would be to not talk about your relationship. Just go have a good time, be funny, strong, happy---everything that you would want in a man if you were her. At the end of the night, ask her out on a date, and make it clear you want to just have fun with her and build a relationship with her again-- not continue the old one she ran from. Talk about how you envision your future as different if she goes there. Don't let her dredge up the old thoughts about you that are negative. It may take some time to win her back. 
Keep in mind my own relationship is as screwed up as yours, wife separated too. I have no clue if I'm right or not! 
Good luck whatever happens. I'm rooting for you!


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## jeffthechef (Sep 10, 2013)

Sorry you're hear upsetdan. Hopium is a hell of a drug, I was addicted for months. The only problem I can see, is that YOU had to ask to visit. That equates to you chasing, hoping. If she wants you back she will have to be the one to initiate it. My ex would be warm, even initiate sex; but it was all for naught. Once their mind is made up, there's not much you, or anyone can do.

My advice? Continue the 180, even though back sliding will happen, always persist on the 180 path. Be the best Dan, be the best Dad you can be. Don't do it for her, it has to be for you.

If she still has power over you, then you can never really heal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So how did it go?


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