# Married 30 years



## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

So what do you do when you are 60, bin married since 30, grown up kids, lookin forward to a peacefull retirement with the love of your life....and suddenly she says " Don't love you anymore..I'm in love with this guy I met on the Internet." 

??? WTF how do you cope with that?

So she's gone now with this guy....

I was astonished...bereft...felt like killing myself...I loved her so much..always.

WTF? After all these years and you said nothin, but acted all contented an lovin' but wuz thinkin her own secret thoughts!!

I am totally devastated. 

Has not only reorganized my view on marriage, but my whole view on life. 

This is the woman I've lived all my life with.

Just can't believe it.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Darrien, welcome to TAM. Would you tell us a bit more? Did this come out the blue? No red flags?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi Myself.

Nothing really that I could see. Guess she kept the cards close to her chest.
She did go through a period of some reaonably heavy drinking in the evenings.
First I noticed was she was "checking her emails" at 3.00am in the morning! WTF?
Cell phone going etc etc...

You guys know the story...

Hey...I thought we were OK... even at 60 had a pretty good sex life, not the same as 30 years ago, but good fun, OK not rich, but no debt...

Don't get it? 

Kids hate her now, family dislike what she's doing...

Why???

Keep thinkin of BB King "What Happened?"



I'm so messed up.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

oh Darrien, I'm sorry - the internet has a lot to answer for. The likelihood is that she feels she's getting something from this person that she's not getting from you, although when reality hits she'll find that the grass isn't greener....

would you want her back?
x


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Pretty much the same situation here. Married 23 years when he dropped the bomb. Plenty of red flags that I noticed, but he kept telling me I was crazy and insecure. Ya think? There's an on-line affair going on (that he denies was an affair) of course I felt insecure. For months, years even, he never let me believe there was anything gnawing at him until one day BAM! He's done, he's had enough, he wants out. Wants nothing but the clothes on his back.


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

> would you want her back?


Dolly...4 months ago I would have given anything to have her back.
I've loved her all my life.
But now I know in my own heart that it is truly over.
NOT because SHE says it's over, but because MY own heart says to me it's over, because I can never forgive her for this.
So could never have her back.
And that's what hurts most after the decades of memories.
Wow! what a life lesson!
No idea what I'm gonna do now or where I'm headed...

A good relationship can take years in the making and 10 minutes in the breaking.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Sorry you are here Darren but you've come to the right place. Lots of people here who are going through the same emotions that you are and lots of lovely people.
You aren't alone, just remember that.
DG
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

I am so sorry that you are here.  

But please remember: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE CHEATED. She cheated because she is selfish. Period. 

Get yourself into therapy ASAP. And, continue to post here in the meantime. 

By the way, how long has she been gone?


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

ImStillHere said:


> By the way, how long has she been gone?


About 8 months, but she's left him a couple of times and come back, but each time the texting started again and she went back.

Too proud now to do that again.
I forsook my dignity in order to save the very most important thing in my life, but got that kicked in my face,

Got to walk that path alone now.
Could never have her back again.

Do I feel like crying sometimes?
Yeah, of course I do.
Wouldn't have been a loving husband if I didn't feel that way.

It's a hard lesson to take, but that's what I have to do. 

Thank you all for your kindness.

D.


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

My heart goes out to you, Darrien. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I am in a similar boat as you and also astonished at the seemingly "out of the blue" life change my husband has made. You think you are in sync with someone and then... 

I wish you all the love and support you will need during this trying time. This group is fantastic and I know you will find comfort here, as I have, if you continue to read and post. If I didn't have this outlet and support system, I don't know what I'd do.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Hi Darren

We spoke previously in pm awhile back. Its very scary and very hard after such a long life together. I'm so sorry the R didn't work. That must have been heartbreaking to go through the loss again. 

Are you still working or retired early?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi Sad,

Thanks for your reply. I'm just working part time ATM.
Guess this is a tough road for everyone.
I doubt R ever really works after that trust has been breached.
Was always a family orientated guy and never expected to end up like this after what seemed to be a pretty happy marriage.
Reading TAM I see I am not alone!


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

Darrien said:


> About 8 months, but she's left him a couple of times and come back, but each time the texting started again and she went back.
> 
> Too proud now to do that again.
> I forsook my dignity in order to save the very most important thing in my life, but got that kicked in my face,
> ...


Darrien,

Did you think about removing text capability from her phone?


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

> Did you think about removing text capability from her phone?


I don't think these kind of tactics work really.
It's like trying to collect frogs in a bucket.
If they have the motivation, they will find a way IMO.

If there was something that could remove the cheating capability from her soul and her brain, then that would be something worthwhile.


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

Hi Darrien,

Thank you sharing your story. The grief and sense of betrayl must be unreal. 

How are you coping?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Darrien,
So sorry you're here. I'm dealing with 27 years of marriage gone. When I discovered what my STBXH was up to, I ended things. Before D day we had been in MC, but he refused to continue so that didn't help. Guess I know now why he stopped it. In that regard I can't say I was totally blindsided since we had our share of problems. Still after all this time I wanted him to make an effort, some effort to try to save the marriage and I got nothing. 
I know your pain and we just have to keep breathing. I never once thought that at this stage of my life I'd be where I am.


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