# My STBX grabbing everything



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

My STBX is grabbing everything in sight as we each pack to go to our own places this weekend. I don’t want a confrontation and I’ve obviously had trouble standing up for myself. What do you suggest? For example, he’s taking our son’s very expensive bike, beach buggy, legos, large remote control monster trucks, etc. All very expensive to replace.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Lostinthelight said:


> My STBX is grabbing everything in sight as we each pack to go to our own places this weekend. I don’t want a confrontation and I’ve obviously had trouble standing up for myself. What do you suggest? For example, he’s taking our son’s very expensive bike, beach buggy, legos, large remote control monster trucks, etc. All very expensive to replace.


There's no way to make him stop looting the place without _some_ kind of confrontation. Someone has to tell him no.
Grab a family member to help you out, or two or three. Or maybe your BFF's.

Also LEO to oversee things if there's a chance to set that up.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Keep a list of what he takes..mainly the expensive stuff. When it comes time to divide property, your lawyer can use that to leverage what you are entitled too. 

For example, my ex took the car. I got the house. I had to pay her 1/2 the equity, but got a credit for 1/2 the cost of the car.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Keep a list of what he takes..mainly the expensive stuff. When it comes time to divide property, your lawyer can use that to leverage what you are entitled too.
> 
> For example, my ex took the car. I got the house. I had to pay her 1/2 the equity, but got a credit for 1/2 the cost of the car.


So what do we do with the following: a 2010 Camry and 2018 highlander, both in my name, friend said to give the highlander because I still have payments on it and the insurance is higher. What do you think?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ask an attorney. No one here can give you valid advice, or should.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Lostinthelight said:


> So what do we do with the following: a 2010 Camry and 2018 highlander, both in my name, friend said to give the highlander because I still have payments on it and the insurance is higher. What do you think?


Where is your lawyer? I concur with keeping lists but this is a “division of property” question. You need your lawyer to help with that.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If he's taking your child's toys ask that the toys stay with the child. 

Do make a list of everything. 

Talk to your lawyer.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Lostinthelight said:


> So what do we do with the following: a 2010 Camry and 2018 highlander, both in my name, friend said to give the highlander because I still have payments on it and the insurance is higher. What do you think?


you will need to remove your name especially if financed. Never let an ex have stuff that is still being paid for. So if might be great to give him the payment type thing but your taking a risk he doesn't pay and ruins your credit.

I agree with those that are asking what does your LAWYER say or the court.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Lostinthelight said:


> My STBX is grabbing everything in sight as we each pack to go to our own places this weekend. I don’t want a confrontation and I’ve obviously had trouble standing up for myself. What do you suggest? For example, he’s taking our son’s very expensive bike, beach buggy, legos, large remote control monster trucks, etc. All very expensive to replace.


Just tell him there needs to be a compromise and that you get to take some stuff with you too. If he doesn't agree, then you document everything he took and present it to your lawyer when the time comes.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Lostinthelight said:


> So what do we do with the following: a 2010 Camry and 2018 highlander, both in my name, friend said to give the highlander because I still have payments on it and the insurance is higher. What do you think?


Not a lawyer, but typically…

If he contributed to the car payments, maintenance, etc..he owns half the car. If he’s taking one with him, then most likely when you get to the equitable distribution phase of your divorce, half the value of the car get counted against him. And same for the car you keep. So if you’re not a car person, take the cheaper one. 

Like others have said, it’s past time you talked to a lawyer.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> Ask an attorney. No one here can give you valid advice, or should.


I understand, I was hoping someone can give me some insight as to how they were able to divide these assets.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> Not a lawyer, but typically…
> 
> If he contributed to the car payments, maintenance, etc..he owns half the car. If he’s taking one with him, then most likely when you get to the equitable distribution phase of your divorce, half the value of the car get counted against him. And same for the car you keep. So if you’re not a car person, take the cheaper one.
> 
> Like others have said, it’s past time you talked to a lawyer.


I have spoken to my attorney and nothing is set in stone yet. I’ve filed 2 weeks ago so waiting his attorney to get him served.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Lostinthelight said:


> I have spoken to my attorney and nothing is set in stone yet. I’ve filed 2 weeks ago so waiting his attorney to get him served.



That’s good. It will be a long process. Lawyers are experts at dragging things out.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> That’s good. It will be a long process. Lawyers are experts at dragging things out.


Yes they are.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> Do make a list of everything.


This. Document. Document. Document.

It's not worth the fight right now while the sting of things is still uber-raw. Just write it all down and bring it to the table later.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Lostinthelight said:


> So what do we do with the following: a 2010 Camry and 2018 highlander, both in my name, friend said to give the highlander because I still have payments on it and the insurance is higher. What do you think?


If you don’t get that car out of your name - you will be stuck paying the payments while he drives it.
If he takes the car with a loan - make sure he gets a new loan in his name only. Specify it in divorce papers.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I say let him have it. It’s just materialistic things that can be replaced. I left with literally the clothes on my back and didn’t care. My kids and I have had fun buying new things and going to yard sales. Who wants to take that history with them anyway?

Edited to say the cars are assets. That should be divided in the separation agreement.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I say let him have it. It’s just materialistic things that can be replaced. I left with literally the clothes on my back and didn’t care. My kids and I have had fun buying new things and going to yard sales. Who wants to take that history with them anyway?
> 
> Edited to say the cars are asses. That should be divided in the separation agreement.


I agree. I told him that I’ll drive it until he refinances it in his name. Thank you all so much! And I agree, I don’t want anything that reminds me of him


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Lostinthelight said:


> I agree. I told him that I’ll drive it until he refinances it in his name. Thank you all so much! And I agree, I don’t want anything that reminds me of him


I just realized I called your cars asses, lol. Your husband’s an ass, your cars are assets.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I just realized I called your cars asses, lol. Your husband’s an ass, your cars are assets.


Absolutely!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What does your child think about him taking some of his things? Will he have him half the time?


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> What does your child think about him taking some of his things? Will he have him half the time?


Our son is very attached to his father as he has been alienated from me, my H spends every waking hour with him and that has been my most painful experience. To have to beg my H to give me time with my son. Our son doesn’t notice who took what, as he is having trouble truly understanding that in a couple of days, his parents will live separately and he’ll then have to transition to one week on, one week off schedule.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lostinthelight said:


> Our son is very attached to his father as he has been alienated from me, my H spends every waking hour with him and that has been my most painful experience. To have to beg my H to give me time with my son. Our son doesn’t notice who took what, as he is having trouble truly understanding that in a couple of days, his parents will live separately and he’ll then have to transition to one week on, one week off schedule.


That's sad. How old is he?


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> That's sad. How old is he?


He’s 6.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Lostinthelight said:


> He’s 6.


Yes, our son will now suffer however, I’m trying to look at the bright side. I will finally have time alone with him. I will no longer have my H saying you can’t take him anywhere, you can’t go to a friend’s house because I can’t be without my son for that long. And the list goes on.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lostinthelight said:


> Yes, our son will now suffer however, I’m trying to look at the bright side. I will finally have time alone with him. I will no longer have my H saying you can’t take him anywhere, you can’t go to a friend’s house because I can’t be without my son for that long. And the list goes on.


How will he manage for a week in that case. When will you tell the child all this?


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> How will he manage for a week in that case. When will you tell the child all this?


We told our son 2 weeks ago. I am working with a psychologist who works with my son.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Don't get caught up in the petty accounting of all that "stuff'....The truth is that the used value of all those items probably wouldn't cover the cost of any decent attorney an hour or two of billable time...What are you fighting for at that point? The "principle"?? 

Also consider this, and I don't know what your situation is, but are these items he would typically use or play with his dad? Maybe you need to sit down with your stbx and work that out...Whatever the kid is most comfortable with is probably best at this point in his life....He is only 6 years old...He understands none of this, its all just a giant disruption in his life.. Best to try to make it as easy and smooth as you possibly can..

Kids will typically take sides at different times in their development, then they mature and no longer do that......This is just a tactic to make sure they have what they want in a selfish way...They don't yet understand that both parents love them, despite their differences together...What you feel as him bonded to his dad, may have little to nothing to do about how he feels about you, but more about which parent is more "fun" at this stage in life.....Its BS that will change as he ages...

My advice is don't fight about it...It's just stuff and can easily be replaced...You can even use this as an opportunity to get some new/different stuff for when he is with you....

Good luck..


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Lostinthelight said:


> have to beg my H to give me time with my son.


That’s not how separations work. You’re entitled to 50% with your son, maybe more. 

Can’t reminder all the details…have you seen a lawyer? First thing they usually do is draw up a separation agreement, which lays out temporary custody. Unless you’re a really unfit parent, you usually get 50% at this point (unless you don’t want it). Final custody will be determined later.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think she meant when they were together she didn't get time with the child! It sounds like OP's ex has a very unhealthy attachment to the child.


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