# Friend in a Quandry, His Dad Just Died



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Hey all. Many of you may know me from my other thread. But this thread is not about me but is about my good buddy who lives in the same town as me. He's in a fix and asked me for some advice but I don't know what to tell him. 

His mom and dad divorced around 2007, after his dad found out she had been having an affair with one of his friends for the last five years or so of their marriage. I guess the divorce shook up the family and was awful. She basically rewrote the marital history, painting his dad as an abuser, which my buddy adamantly denies. He claims his dad doted on his mom and was a great husband. Anyways, my buddy and his younger brother sided with their dad and the mom basically disowned them. After the divorce she married her affair partner and has never expressed to her sons or family any remorse for doing that to her ex husband. 

Back in January my buddy's dad was told he had cancer and would not live long. He forbade his sons to tell anyone he was sick, especially their mother, so they did not tell her. About a month ago he asked the boys to help him arrange his funeral because he was fading fast. At that time he told them that their mother and her husband were not welcome to the funeral and that she should be told not to come. He was adamant about it. 

Well the old man died this past Saturday, and when my buddy called his mom he was surprised at how distraught she was. But when he told her that his dad had been sick since January she flipped out and accused him and his brother of betraying her, calling him all sorts of horrible things before hanging up on him. Well, I guess she called him yesterday and asked when his dad's wake and funeral were so she could attend. He lied and said he didn't know, to stall her, and then he called me just an hour or so ago asking me what he should do.

He feels like if he tells her not to come to the wake and funeral that it would be cruel and it would just drive another wedge between him, his brother and her. If he does allow her to come, then he is betraying his dad's last wishes. 

I don't know what to tell him. What would you all tell him?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get a TRO against them both, ban them from the funeral, have a police or sheriff's deputy there to ensure there is no trouble.

There is a massive wedge between the mother and the children. She put it there.

He owes it to his dad to keep them out of the funeral or wake.

He should invite her to organise her own wake for her ex-husband, assisted by her AP. I'm sure that'd be a barrel of laughs.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

BashfulBull said:


> He feels like if he tells her not to come to the wake and funeral that it would be cruel and it would just drive another wedge between him, his brother and her. *If he does allow her to come, then he is betraying his dad's last wishes. *
> 
> I don't know what to tell him. What would you all tell him?


IMO, this is all he needs to know to make the right decision.


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Why is it people are so willing to accept guilt and blame for the moral failings of others? The only one driving wedges in their relationship with their mother, is their mother. Your friend's father made a specific request that she and her husband NOT attend his funeral. I don't care how they go about it. Lie to her, tell her not to come, get a restraining order, or whatever. But they should at least respect their father's wishes. Sounds like he deserves far more consideration than their mother.


----------



## Tabitha (Jun 17, 2014)

I'd tell the friend to tell his mom exactly what dad told him to say--that she's not welcome and should not come. Son obviously can't force mom to stay away--he'll just be relaying the dying man's wish. He'll have done his duty to dad and put it all in his mom's lap. 

If it were me, I'd then tell mom I hope she's mature enough to understand the whys of it all and that I hope she stays away--for everyone's sake....but mostly because dad wanted it that way. 

Sorry for your friend. Hope it works out for him.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Tell her the straight up truth. Dad told them what he wanted, and they abided by his wants. They gave their word, and kept it. If she doesn't like it, she should take a good look at what kind of men her sons really are. Honest, loyal and true. All qualities she lacks.

As for the funeral, don't try and force her to stay away. Tell her Dad requested that she not attend, and ask if she will honor his wishes. If she will not, that further illuminates her character.

Above all: they honored their father's wishes. They were honest and true, and she should accept that. If she does not, she really needs to do more examination of herself.

Sadly, its just another example of her poor character, and humility, and honesty. She is thinking only of herself. Trying to make others feel guilty, when she is the culprit.


----------



## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Get a TRO against them both, ban them from the funeral, have a police or sheriff's deputy there to ensure there is no trouble.
> 
> There is a massive wedge between the mother and the children. She put it there.
> 
> ...


Yep!

I talked to a cop buddy for same situation a few years ago. He stood outside and was prepared to intervene with a no trespassing order if needed. 

Your buddys mom made her bed, now she should sleep in it.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

The mom has already disowned them and it was the expressed wishes of the father that they not attend. They should tell her exactly why she is not allowed to attend. 

She wont like the truth but that is too bad really. If she wants to hold it against the kids that is her problem. It was the fathers dying wish. They need to honor that request. Her showing up anyway with his former friend I do think would be in poor taste to begin with and bring along a bunch of senseless old drama that should not be dealt with at a funeral. 

She will find out when the wake and funeral are, it makes no sense to lie to her about that. If they try that tactic all they will set themselves up for is a scene. They should just be upfront, honest and defend there fathers last wish.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It's dad's dying wish. It's not the son's wishes. The son doesn't need to take that guilt on his shoulders. I know that's easy to say.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Be a good son and honor his fathers wishes. Tell her she is not welcome to come and if she shows up he will have the police called and have her removed. You think she would have the decency to stay away.


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

My dying wish would be for neither my ex, who has made our kids and our ex life as co parents a misery, but also my family who have been the opposite of supportive, to not attend my funeral. My god, if any of them turned up it would be a travesty and a complete falsehood and a complete farce of a reasonable send off. 

She disowned them! She has no right to deny their father of his last wishes and to put a guilt trip on them whom she betrayed also and disowned! She sounds like a domineering monster!


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nothing cruel about it. He didn't want her there. She doesn't belong there. That should make it simple but my guess is she will show up anyway. Then the question will be whether to have her removed or just let it go. Personally, I would have her removed.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Talk to the funeral home about his wishes. They will do as asked and even notify the police if necessary. Little to nothing needs done by the family.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Jasel said:


> Why is it people are so willing to accept guilt and blame for the moral failings of others? The only one driving wedges in their relationship with their mother, is their mother. Your friend's father made a specific request that she and her husband NOT attend his funeral. I don't care how they go about it. Lie to her, tell her not to come, get a restraining order, or whatever. But they should at least respect their father's wishes. Sounds like he deserves far more consideration than their mother.


While I agree w/ the overall sentiment here, I wouldn't lie at all. I'd tell her very simply that, per my father's last wishes, neither she nor her AP were welcome to attend the wake, funeral, or any of the other memorial services scheduled to honor my father. Additionally, I'd have police on alert to remove them should they decide to show up uninvited.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> While I agree w/ the overall sentiment here, I wouldn't lie at all. I'd tell her very simply that, per my father's last wishes, neither she nor her AP were welcome to attend the wake, funeral, or any of the other memorial services scheduled to honor my father. Additionally, I'd have police on alert to remove them should they decide to show up uninvited.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Thanks to everyone. I agree with you all. I recommended to my buddy that he be honest with his mom. I also mentioned the police protection part but that will be to him. He didn't say much to that. 

He's really broken up over his dad's death. He came over tonight and sat with me watching TV and didn't say a word. He just sat and cried quietly. It's hard enough he's mourning his dad but it's worse that he has to deal with his irate mom. He told me that during most of his parents marriage his mom was the sweetest lady you would ever want to meet. But during and after her affair and the divorce she changed completely. She alienated her own siblings and has become a pariah in the family. What a waste.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

BashfulBull said:


> Thanks to everyone. I agree with you all. I recommended to my buddy that he be honest with his mom. I also mentioned the police protection part but that will be to him. He didn't say much to that.
> 
> He's really broken up over his dad's death. He came over tonight and sat with me watching TV and didn't say a word. He just sat and cried quietly. It's hard enough he's mourning his dad but it's worse that he has to deal with his irate mom. He told me that during most of his parents marriage his mom was the sweetest lady you would ever want to meet. But during and after her affair and the divorce she changed completely. She alienated her own siblings and has become a pariah in the family. What a waste.


Whats a waste is that she isn't trying to help her sons thru this time and instead will make it all about her.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

honcho said:


> Whats a waste is that she isn't trying to help her sons thru this time and instead will make it all about her.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Tell the mother exactly what their dad said with the next statement being that the sons are honoring their dad by following his wishes; the words are solely the father’s words. If she wants to hold that against the sons that is 100% on her.


For the sons to have the police or some other authority to refrain the mother from coming is very understandable and for all of us here at TAM we would do that in a heartbeat. However, *the father did not tell the sons to engage authorities.* At first out of disgust I thought that using force to keep her out would be justice. In this case I think the sons are priority even over justice.

I would not engage authorities because, even though the mother has betrayed her children for her selfish interests, she is the children’s mother. The sons will gain nothing, in fact probably loose something, by giving the mother a little bit of the consequences that she so deserves. I have seen it several times in my life that no matter what there is almost always a connection to the mother even if she is a tramp. *Hurting the mother usually comes back and hurts the child.*


I would advise the sons to honor their father, tell the mother *exactly* what dad said, and then do whatever will keep any more pain from coming the son’s way. *My advice is for the benefit of the sons not the mother.*


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I doubt you'll find another thread where the consensus is pretty much 100%.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You are a good friend, BB

as others have said, he made it clear in his final days he doesn't want her at his wake or funeral. She should be told this verbatim. 

Is the announcement going in the paper? Friend may want to speak to the funeral home personnel. They may have suggestions on how to keep her out. Keeping her out of the church may be more difficult. She didnt respect his wishes when he was alive why expect her to do so now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Forest said:


> Tell her the straight up truth. Dad told them what he wanted, and they abided by his wants. They gave their word, and kept it. If she doesn't like it, she should take a good look at what kind of men her sons really are. Honest, loyal and true. All qualities she lacks.
> 
> As for the funeral, don't try and force her to stay away. Tell her Dad requested that she not attend.


this! a dying man's last wishes should not be ignored. Just tell her he did not want her there. Maybe she can make a donation to his favorite charity, if she feels she has to do something for closure.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> this! a dying man's last wishes should not be ignored. Just tell her he did not want her there. Maybe she can make a donation to his favorite charity, if she feels she has to do something for closure.


Oh but then all her friends and family couldn't see her throw herself crying on his casket, for maximum sympathy.

The woman is a disgrace. She cheated that guy in marriage. He was also cheated out of having his wife's support through his illness. He had to fight that battle alone, thanks to her. Good that he had his sons for support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

Hi.

Has your friend ever addressed his feelings of being betrayed by his mother, abandonment etc.? I would strongly recommend him going to a support group or going to a therapist. Not only because of that, but also because it might help him grieve...

Best wishes to both of you!


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Oh but then all her friends and family couldn't see her throw herself crying on his casket, for maximum sympathy.
> 
> The woman is a disgrace. She cheated that guy in marriage. He was also cheated out of having his wife's support through his illness. He had to fight that battle alone, thanks to her. Good that he had his sons for support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree:

And if you think about it a bit you can come to the realization that she may have been instrumental in his early demise. Single men have substantially shorter lives than married men. People in an unhappy mental state have suppressed immune responses. When you've got a partner by your side they can sense when something is off and natter you into seeking medical attention way sooner than you would do it on your own.


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Oh but then all her friends and family couldn't see her throw herself crying on his casket, for maximum sympathy.


and posted on Youtube?? :smthumbup:


----------



## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

I agree. I would abide by the fathers last wish.
remember this was a double betrayal (their fathers friend (last 5 years of marriage)) and then the mother disowned her sons. 

Bashfullbull, I don't know if you would have the time, but I think, if you make a handmade knife for your friend in honer of his dad that would be a nice sentiment. It was just a thought, I don't even know if you still have the forge set up.


----------



## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

The father's dying request was that the exW not be there. What more needs to be said ? She was not his W anymore. 

SHE DOES NOT BELONG THERE !


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Ok, make sure she knows she's not invited by H request.

After it's done, send her the bill for the funeral.


----------



## nanofaan (Aug 1, 2014)

I'm sorry Bash, and sorry for your friend. if it was me i will cut the mom from my life and i will not have her near any spouse.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I had the reverse story of this myself. My mom was cheating with her boss and got terminal brain cancer. She wasn't happy but had a huge issue with divorce so she wouldn't leave my dad. She was much more healthy and expected to outlive my dad. They separate as she's dying.

My dad is no angel, but suddenly a WHOLE LOT of crap starts coming up. I know the truth is somewhere in the middle. My brother and sister totally buy the line she's throwing. Never mind the fact that 5 minutes before she's talking about her parents visiting her the day before, despite being dead for 8 years. 

She starts working on her funeral and announces she doesn't want my dad to show up. She does say she'll allow him to visit the church after the service and pay private respects.

It went off without issue; the key part being that my dad is actually reasonable, unlike what your friend's mom sounds like.

I second (or is it third) the suggestion of talking to a police officers and getting a restraining order. In our case it proved not necessary, but it is possible to get one. Honor his wishes.


----------



## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Hey BB, here is that "karma" thing again. Your buddies father set up his own karma bus by not allowing his cheating svlt to morn over his body. You just can't step in and stop this karma from happening. Let it takes it's course.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> I had the reverse story of this myself. My mom was cheating with her boss and got terminal brain cancer. She wasn't happy but had a huge issue with divorce so she wouldn't leave my dad. She was much more healthy and expected to outlive my dad. They separate as she's dying.
> 
> My dad is no angel, but suddenly a WHOLE LOT of crap starts coming up. I know the truth is somewhere in the middle. My brother and sister totally buy the line she's throwing. Never mind the fact that 5 minutes before she's talking about her parents visiting her the day before, despite being dead for 8 years.
> 
> ...


That was cruel. Did her boss show up?


----------



## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

Last wishes ought to be honored - whether friend or foe.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

HobbesTheTiger said:


> Hi.
> 
> Has your friend ever addressed his feelings of being betrayed by his mother, abandonment etc.? I would strongly recommend him going to a support group or going to a therapist. Not only because of that, but also because it might help him grieve...
> 
> Best wishes to both of you!


Yes. He did a couple of days ago. We got drunk together and I shared with him my experience, or at least the parts of my story that he was not aware of. I tried to explain to him the depth of pain and sense of abandonment his dad felt when he discovered his wife's affair, and just how that anger can affect a man's health and mental state. I explained to him that his dad, by asking that she not attend his funeral, was preserving for himself what little bit of self worth and pride that was left over after his ex-wife destroyed it. 

That seemed to help. Mostly I just sat there and listened.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

convert said:


> I agree. I would abide by the fathers last wish.
> remember this was a double betrayal (their fathers friend (last 5 years of marriage)) and then the mother disowned her sons.
> 
> Bashfullbull, I don't know if you would have the time, but I think, if you make a handmade knife for your friend in honer of his dad that would be a nice sentiment. It was just a thought, I don't even know if you still have the forge set up.


That's a very good idea. Thanks.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Oh but then all her friends and family couldn't see her throw herself crying on his casket, for maximum sympathy.
> 
> The woman is a disgrace. She cheated that guy in marriage. He was also cheated out of having his wife's support through his illness. He had to fight that battle alone, thanks to her. Good that he had his sons for support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know if she will be a drama queen. I asked my friend if he feared her doing that. He said no, she would most likely not make a scene. What he is worried about is her going around to all the funeral-goers and talking trash about his dad. He said she would not be above doing that, even on a day when she is supposed to be honoring his memory. That's the main reason he and his brother don't want her coming. She already tried to disparage their dad's reputation enough while he was alive.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

BashfulBull said:


> I don't know if she will be a drama queen. I asked my friend if he feared her doing that. He said no, she would most likely not make a scene. What he is worried about is her going around to all the funeral-goers and talking trash about his dad. He said she would not be above doing that, even on a day when she is supposed to be honoring his memory. That's the main reason he and his brother don't want her coming. She already tried to disparage their dad's reputation enough while he was alive.


And this is exactly what my drama queen mother did at my fathers funeral. They had been divorced for a couple of years when he passed away. She walked around telling everyone how she finally forgave him for all his "evil" trying to make herself look good to his friends/family. It was quite a performance on her part. At least the boyfriend/affair partner was smart enough to stay in the car.....


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I would tell her he didn't want her there and that's it. She's already burned her bridges, why would he give a flying f!ck what she thinks? My parents had a terrible divorce, and though they did have somewhat of a friendship later in life because of the grandkids my dad never did really like her and he specifically requested that she get nothing from his house and she not have any part of his funeral. As it turned out we cremated him and spread his ashes somewhere special but when she asked to come my sister and I told her it would just be the two of us. She fortunately didn't pout too much but I wouldn't have given a f!ck if she had. He should respect his dad's wishes and keep her out of there, so she doesn't disrespect him what what my dad would call her bullsh!t crocodile tears.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BashfulBull said:


> I don't know if she will be a drama queen. I asked my friend if he feared her doing that. He said no, she would most likely not make a scene. What he is worried about is her going around to all the funeral-goers and talking trash about his dad. He said she would not be above doing that, even on a day when she is supposed to be honoring his memory. That's the main reason he and his brother don't want her coming. She already tried to disparage their dad's reputation enough while he was alive.


Tell him to put a stop to that. My mom tried to trash talk my dad to me and I told her that as he's no longer here to defend himself there would be no more said. Period. Eventually she stopped trying.

Or he can tell her that if he finds out she muttered one word about his father to anyone he will tell everyone what went down and what a trashy sl!t she really is. Play hardball with a pos like this.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It's really fvcking sad when parents put themselves in positions where they have their own children forbidding them from attending family gatherings due to their poor choices and behavior.


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Friend in a Quandry, His Dad Just Died*



bandit.45 said:


> It's really fvcking sad when parents put themselves in positions where they have their own children forbidding them from attending family gatherings due to their poor choices and behavior.


I was thinking the same thing.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> That was cruel. Did her boss show up?


Nope. I think he may still be a bit afraid of what might happen to him.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Honestly, he probably should've waited until AFTER everything was over and done with before he bothered saying a damn thing to her.

But hey... hindsight, 20/20, etc.


----------



## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

BB:

Some observations:

Your friend should tell his mother exactly what his dad said: NOT to come to his funeral. *Because it is HIS funeral. That if she didn’t heed his wishes much in life* (= after the OM entered the stage), *she should heed it at least in death.*

Obviously, his Dad, *being a Mortal,* wanted his ex-wife to KNOW that he did not want her even at his funeral, and *feel the sting of that rejection a little (at least a minuscule part of the rejection she made him feel when she cast him out of her life).*

Let his soul have that little revenge (from what you wrote, he could not counter her unjust vilification in any way while he was alive, and just had to suffer through it).

*Let his soul have that little revenge.*




If she is told that he did not want her at his funeral, and she feels demeaned and devalued – that might be a little emotional comeuppance he wanted her to experience, in lieu of all the degradation he experienced at her hands.

If she comes to the funeral all the same, is told she cannot attend, and she feels humiliated – that too might be a little emotional comeuppance he wanted her to experience, in lieu of all the humiliation he experienced at her hands.

*Let him have a little revenge at least after his death, M’Lords.*


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

BashfulBull said:


> She basically rewrote the marital history, painting his dad as an abuser, which my buddy adamantly denies.


Why would she (his mom) want to pay her respects to a man that abused her? Have her son ask her that.


----------



## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> Why would she (his mom) want to pay her respects to a man that abused her? Have her son ask her that.


My thoughts, exactly. And, should the mother claim that she "wants to be there for her sons in their time of grief," her son need only reply that being there for her sons would require her to honor the request that they've made on their father's behalf. Unless the funeral is expected to be attended by an extremely large number of people, the brothers might wish to hold a private memorial service in someone's home or in an otherwise publically undisclosed location. 

I think that attending the funeral of someone whom you have already betrayed, against their expressed wishes, is equal to, or worse, than the original betrayal. 

This is so terribly heartbreaking.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Well this evening is the viewing, and I haven't talked to my friend since yesterday. It should be an interesting night if she shows up.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

honcho said:


> And this is exactly what my drama queen mother did at my fathers funeral. They had been divorced for a couple of years when he passed away. She walked around telling everyone how she finally forgave him for all his "evil" trying to make herself look good to his friends/family. It was quite a performance on her part. At least the boyfriend/affair partner was smart enough to stay in the car.....


If I may ask, what is your relationship like with your mother now?


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

BashfulBull said:


> If I may ask, what is your relationship like with your mother now?


She destroyed any relationship with both myself and my brother long ago.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How did it go?


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I hope that his funeral gave his sons some closure and peace. Their mother is a piece of work.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

IMO if the mother starts getting pissed and making a fuss, then her son should just let her know that she's the one that caused the mess and that her being there would be nothing more then a slap in the face to the kids father and he won't allow it and he can tell her in a way that the mother and her affair partner and now husband understand. He should let them both know that they had no respect for him when he was alive and their actions proved it so why would they now want to show him respect in death. Their a bit late.


----------



## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

I am so sorry I never updated. 

My friend's mother did not attend the funeral per his request. Their relationship is quite strained right now. They did not speak over the Christmas holiday and she is not answering his phone calls. Its very sad.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

BashfulBull said:


> I am so sorry I never updated.
> 
> My friend's mother did not attend the funeral per his request. Their relationship is quite strained right now. They did not speak over the Christmas holiday and she is not answering his phone calls. Its very sad.


I would advise him to call her one last time (leave a message if he has to) and tell her he loved both of his parents and his father requested that he did not want her to come and that doesn't mean he doesn't want a relationship with his mom. But he is not going to keep begging for her to be close with him. The balls in your court if you don't contact me I know where it stands. Merry Christmas hope you find a way not to bitter the rest of your life.


----------



## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

BashfulBull said:


> I am so sorry I never updated.
> 
> My friend's mother did not attend the funeral per his request. Their relationship is quite strained right now. They did not speak over the Christmas holiday and she is not answering his phone calls. Its very sad.


It's heartbreaking...... all the way around.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I would advise him to call her one last time (leave a message if he has to) and tell her he loved both of his parents and his father requested that he did not want her to come and that doesn't mean he doesn't want a relationship with his mom. But he is not going to keep begging for her to be close with him. The balls in your court if you don't contact me I know where it stands. Merry Christmas hope you find a way not to bitter the rest of your life.


I would suggest a postcard with a simple message on it, in fairly large letters, but non-confrontational. Basically saying: "You're still my mother. I still love you. Please call me on ***** when you are ready."

Why a postcard? Email and phone messages can be deleted without being opened and letters can be put in the bin, unopened. 

But a simple message on a postcard? That's pretty hard to ignore.


----------

