# Since wedding my husband hasn't had a sex drive...HELP!!



## youngwife22 (Nov 23, 2011)

My husband and I have been friends for a long time and a few months ago we had our marriage and celebrated with all of our friends. We decided to not have a honeymoon this year because we wanted to take a trip during the summer instead. Since our wedding my husband has had no sex drive, but yet he'll still watch porn and masturbate either when I'm sleeping or at work. This is no secret. He hasn't been working as much, so I'm not sure if he's depressed, but we've tried talking about this and he shuts down and refuses that it's due to depression. I've tried watching it with him and that hasn't changed anything either. He won't see a marriage counselor and he won't go to church with me. All he does is sleep, play video games and watch television. Everyone tells him he has such a beautiful young wife and he should be grateful, but I don't think he really cares? I feel petty because it's such a minor issue, but it's really not so minor anymore. Any advice would be great... anybody else who has been through this before, or just any solutions please.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

It's not a minor issue IMO. Is he getting help for his depression (since he's chalking up everything to that)? How is your drive? Personally, I would continue to try and discuss this with him, and if he continues to brush it off due to depression, ask him to make an appt with a doctor because it's not just an issue with your H anymore, it's impacting you and it's impacting your marriage in a big way. 

You're marriage is young, you have plenty of time to NOT have a sex drive, i.e. kids and just life getting in the way. Now's the time to be enjoying your young marriage. Just my thoughts.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Have you two ever had a good sexual relationship? Did he have a drive prior to marriage?

Him watching porn and masturbating indicates that he's got a drive, but it's not for you. And the reason I asked the other questions, is because sometimes some guys can get so wrapped up in porn/masturbation that they can not only lose sight of what is important in their marriage (like their beautiful wife), but they can develop real sexual dysfunctions from it as well.

Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction Is a Growing Problem | Psychology Today

Please let your husband know that this is a huge problem that you two need to address together. If he has depression, then he should go to the doctor. Make an appointment for him if he won't and go with him. But it would also be beneficial if he got out and away from the computer and started to exercise and look for a job. Try and encourage him in those directions.

Best wishes.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I agree if he is forgoing sex with you and watching porn/masturbating instead its a problem. I went thru this with my husband and it took 6 months for him to admit it was a problem for our marriage. Of course I don't think he would have admitted it if it wasn't for me making plans to leave him. 

My husband turned to porn to deal with stress and negative emotions since it provides a quick chemical fix to provide that happy satisfied feeling. Your husband needs to talk with someone if he isn't willing to see a MC maybe he should start with an IC.


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## foxyone1986 (Nov 17, 2011)

sounds to me like hes depressed to me, men are men and lets face it they like to masterbate and love porn even if they are married to miss universe... I suggest trying ways to spicen things up... costumes, role play, sexy text, cooking or cleaning in heals and sexy underwear, etc. you gotta try to get him to come to you...

cheers


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## youngwife22 (Nov 23, 2011)

I really appreciate all the helpful responses. We did have a great sex life before the marriage which is why it was so surprising that he suddenly had a shift in the opposite direction. Apparently he was feeling pretty down because of the job situation, which I had figured, so it was easier for him to not open up to me about it and admit his insecurities. He came to me and talked about it after he realized how much it was hurting me. So things are definitely looking up!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband went through a depression when he lost his job.

Men are hardwired to be providers and when they cannot provide for their wives, their masculine identity takes a hit.

Talk to him. Let your husband know that you still find him sexy.

It could also be that being a newlywed freaks him out. Marriage is one of the most stressful life events.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He needs a kick in the rear (lovingly). He is wrong on two points. It's his duty to support his wife. He turns off the video games, grows up, and finds a job. It's his duty to attend to his wife's sexual needs. He turns off the porno and gets with the program. I believe I'd explain the lay of the terrain pretty much exactly as above and give him a couple months to prove he's a man. If he wants to play games and spank the monkey all day, he can go back to his mother's house and pretend he's 12 and you'll find a man elsewhere.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> He needs a kick in the rear (lovingly). He is wrong on two points. It's his duty to support his wife. He turns off the video games, grows up, and finds a job. It's his duty to attend to his wife's sexual needs. He turns off the porno and gets with the program. I believe I'd explain the lay of the terrain pretty much exactly as above and give him a couple months to prove he's a man. If he wants to play games and spank the monkey all day, he can go back to his mother's house and pretend he's 12 and you'll find a man elsewhere.


Amen Sista!:iagree::iagree:


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## youngwife22 (Nov 23, 2011)

Thanks!! That post stated everything I needed to hear perfectly! Things are a lot better since we've talked but if I had been a little more blunt about it then it probably wouldn't have taken as long to find a resolution.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

I just don't get grown men who lose everything because of a stupid gaming system. My husband plays sometimes...and even then it's for maybe 30 minutes. 

And porn?

Wow. Why did he even get married?


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> He needs a kick in the rear (lovingly). He is wrong on two points. It's his duty to support his wife. He turns off the video games, grows up, and finds a job. It's his duty to attend to his wife's sexual needs. He turns off the porno and gets with the program. I believe I'd explain the lay of the terrain pretty much exactly as above and give him a couple months to prove he's a man. If he wants to play games and spank the monkey all day, he can go back to his mother's house and pretend he's 12 and you'll find a man elsewhere.


Oh! Exactly what I was thinking.:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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