# So tired of my husband complaining about very job he has had!



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

I've been with my husband for 12 years and married to him for 6 of them. In the time I've known him he's worked at 5 different places and the longest he was at a job was 7 years and at that job he was in several different positions and shifts. Why was he in so many different positions and shifts? Because every time he would come to be fed up with the people he was working with. Every job it seems to be he is the only one capable of getting anything done, or so he tells me. Everybody else is an idiot or doesn't do their job.

He was able to get away with not going to his job for weeks at a time with FMLA at the job he was at for 7 years. I still have no idea how he was employed there that long (and left by his own choice and not being fired!). He couldn't stand his manager or his coworkers so he'd go to another shift or another part of the factory. Then after a couple of months he'd change again.

He left there last year and found another job. Well actually I found him the job. Working with motorcycles in a power sports shop where he had bought a motorcycle a few years earlier. He's a service advisor so it's good because he doesn't have to do any physical labor which he had complained was killing him before. He has to deal with the public though, which he's very good at as he's outgoing and has been in customer service quite a bit. He started out at this job and told me he loved it. He liked everyone and he got to be around motorcycles all day. Well as I predicted months ago, he would eventually start complaining about this job. He has been there about 9 months now and slowly but surely he'd come home and start telling me how the other guy at the counter with him doesn't do his job and wanders the store leaving him all alone there. When people come up to the desk, this guy doesn't even look at them and keeps surfing the web. When the phone rings this guy doesn't answer it even if he doesn't have a customer so H has to answer it and put the person on hold while dealing with a customer. They finally hired a 3rd counter guy a few months ago and H said this guy was really good. However, flash forward a few months and now this guy is doing exactly what the other guy is doing. Too busy to multitask leaving H to do "everything". And it's not just the desk, it's the mechanics not doing their job and the lot guys, etc.

I have asked H if he brings this up to his boss and he says "Well he is so hands off and he knows the one guy doesn't do his job but he's knowledgeable so they can't fire him". So I don't know how true this all is. I find it hard to believe that H is doing "everything". He says people think he's mad all the time because when he's at work he wants to work and not talk to anyone. Probably because he's pissed off at everyone.

Sorry, but if he's had this same problem at every job, I am pretty sure it's him who is the problem!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I read your other post as well...you are married to an angry, negative person. These kinds of people ALWAYS hate their jobs, think THEY are the only competent person there, management is stupid, etc.. etc.. etc. He will always be this way, so you might as well resign yourself to him always hating everything and having to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life. If you cant live like that, then you will have to divorce him, period. He will never change. He sees nothing wrong with how he is, its the REST of the world that is fvcked up. 

I was married to this. I divorced it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

didn't read your other posts but maybe look at it from his perspective. you may be the only one he can talk to.

i had a job with the absolutely worst boss imaginable... insulting, knew everything (or thought he did), would never fire anyone but would make their life a living hell until they quit. he even made his own daughter who worked there cry. i couldn't really complain to anyone since i held a high position so i just put up with it but when i got home i would express my frustrations. my wife's answer? "you should be happy to have a job". and this comment came after my listening to her night after night about the problems at her job.

a kind ear may be all he needs and yours may be the only one he has.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> didn't read your other posts but maybe look at it from his perspective. you may be the only one he can talk to.
> 
> i had a job with the absolutely worst boss imaginable... insulting, knew everything (or thought he did), would never fire anyone but would make their life a living hell until they quit. he even made his own daughter who worked there cry. i couldn't really complain to anyone since i held a high position so i just put up with it but when i got home i would express my frustrations. my wife's answer? "you should be happy to have a job". and this comment came after my listening to her night after night about the problems at her job.
> 
> a kind ear may be all he needs and yours may be the only one he has.


He loves his boss. He says he's so laid back but he's just so busy with other things that he doesn't really want to bother him about his coworkers. He said at one point they were close to firing the one guy but he's just too knowledgeable to let go. I don't understand that. If the guy really is always wandering the store rather than being at his desk and doesn't readily even look up from his screen to help people and just lets them stand there, then why do they keep him on?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I remember your story well. Everyone who posted on your threads advised that unfortunately this is who he is and he's not interested in changing. You indicated you weren't leaving him so the choice I see is to live with it because this is how he wants to live his life.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I think you are on the right track when you said he is the one with the problem. He is the common denominator in each of these jobs.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

At least you are no longer complaining about 'Jen'.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mapper said:


> He loves his boss. He says he's so laid back but he's just so busy with other things that he doesn't really want to bother him about his coworkers. He said at one point they were close to firing the one guy but he's just too knowledgeable to let go. I don't understand that. If the guy really is always wandering the store rather than being at his desk and doesn't readily even look up from his screen to help people and just lets them stand there, then why do they keep him on?


That's often the way. A boss at my wife's last place of work was found having sex with an underling -which explained why he was showing her favouritism- but although that was a sacking offence,they didn't even give him a warning.

People who work there have to pass criminal record checks. There are a number who have been allowed -illegally- to skip those.

So, just because someone should be fired doesn't mean they will be.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Openminded said:


> I remember your story well. Everyone who posted on your threads advised that unfortunately this is who he is and he's not interested in changing. You indicated you weren't leaving him so the choice I see is to live with it because this is how he wants to live his life.


This prompted me to go look at her previous threads. OMG @Mapper, you have been posting here since 2012 about this man's crap! Have you not figured out he isn't going to change??


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

If you hadn't noticed, it's corporate America that is the problem. More than 80% of all the American workforce hate their job. People are for the most part underpaid, overworked and disrespected at work. It's too bad that you lay all of this on your husband.


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## TRUTHSEEKER60 (Jun 23, 2016)

I can relate. I work for a very large healthcare company making critical medical products. Accordingly, and since I support 37 countries, I work almost every day 11 hours or more. Sometimes weekends, although I am cutting that out. I am in my mid fifties..crappy time to look for a new job and since I have been with this company for well over a decade, I have a pension at risk If i leave (try finding a company today that offers a Pension..good luck).
So I put up with the stress knowing there are tons of people worse off. If your husband can make peace with the reality of life...that is unless we are rich and don't need to work - which accounts for most of us - to just put the job in its place and try to enjoy his outside life. Easier said than done..I know from experience..but really not much choice.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

I KNEW that yesterday was going to be a bad day for him before he even got home. The day previous I knew he was having a good day because I could see he was on Facebook several times while at work, he initiated an email to me and then responded a few more times and they were upbeat, and sure enough he came home in high spirits and was chipper all night. Yesterday however, he wasn't on Facebook at all while he was at work and no emails to me. And he came home about a half hour late. Sure enough, he walks through the door with a sour look and I say "Long day?" which was pretty much a rhetorical question and he goes "What do you think? I'm home after 7PM aren't I?" Great, here we go with *****y attitude. Luckily though he did reign that in for a change and not make me feel like I was the cause of the whole thing. Tells me it was back to the same old ****. How the past 2 days were okay because the one guy he works with who is always roaming the store was at this seminar so not there, but he was back yesterday and up to his same antics of being anywhere but the desk. How he didn't even get a lunch break because the other two guys wouldn't stick around the desk and it was ALL on him. Really? There's no reason ANY employee shouldn't get a lunch break! The other two never answer the phone, they take orders for repairs over the phone but then then push all the paperwork on him, how he has over 25 open orders to deal with and the other two only have 2 or 3 and he's so busy doing other stuff that he doesn't get back to doing what he was supposed to be doing and when he finally does he forgets to put down certain things then screws up the repair orders and the customers are mad at him. 

I don't know how this could all be true and why they would keep not one, but two, incompetent people at the job. I told him that maybe HE needs to wander the store or go and take a 20 minute break out back rather than a 5 minute one and he goes"I can't! Then nobody would be at the desk or answer the phones. Besides, it's not my work ethic." I then say that maybe he needs to take a day or two off to let the others manage the workload and see how they do. He goes "'I can't do that either! I have too much to do." I tell him to tell his boss how he feels and that the others aren't pulling their weight. He goes "He's so hands off that he wouldn't do anything. He's too busy doing his own stuff anyways." Well then, I don't know what to tell you!

He acts like he's such a martyr and the only person who is keeping the place running out of all 35 people who work there. He comes home angry a lot now but won't tell his manager how he can't handle the workload. Just like every other job he's had. He acts like the place would shut down if it weren't for him doing his job while everyone else goofs off. And I certainly can't expect him to help with any housework or ask him any questions about anything when he gets home because he just can't process anything and he needs to have his downtime. All he does is come home, sit on the computer, play his guitar and drink. Yet I come home from a job with tight deadlines and do laundry, mow the yard, vacuum, clean the bathrooms, run to the grocery store...and this is all done before he even gets home! Yet he can't even be bothered to pay a bill because he "needs to have his downtime".


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Mapper said:


> He acts like he's such a martyr


I can see how competing victimhood could make for a rough road.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yes, we all know your husband is a d!ck. We also know you wont do anything about it but complain and continue to let him wipe his feet on you, sad to say.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Well at least he didn't make me feel like it was MY fault that he had a bad day, which is what he usually makes it seem like. Yes come home and talk to me about your bad day, but don't just be angry at me for asking how your day was or simply for opening my mouth to say anything. Reign in your pissiness.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Stop making suggestions for his problems. We hear this advise given to men all the time, that women just want them to LISTEN to their issues. Seems the same holds true for your H. You only prolong his b!tch session by making suggestions. Let him vent (because clearly he isn't going to shut up) then let it go, move on to something else. Redirect. 

I honestly have no clue why you remain in this....


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> Stop making suggestions for his problems. We hear this advise given to men all the time, that women just want them to LISTEN to their issues. Seems the same holds true for your H. You only prolong his b!tch session by making suggestions. Let him vent (because clearly he isn't going to shut up) then let it go, move on to something else. Redirect.
> 
> I honestly have no clue why you remain in this....


I almost always do because bringing up suggestions just makes him that much angrier. Although when I say nothing he'll say "Well you don't care because aren't even listening to me are you? Your job is so great and you have no idea what I have to deal with." And if I do say something I get yelled at for saying something!


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Mapper said:


> "Well you don't care because aren't even listening to me are you? Your job is so great and you have no idea what I have to deal with."


Ugh this made my stomach drop. He's an angry, jealous man.

I lived with one of those for 12 years. He had severe anger issues and was jealous of my great job and all of the things I earned with that wonderful job. He destroyed all of my property because he was so jealous.

He didn't change-he got more dangerous so I had to FINALLY end it.

Have you insisted on anger management courses for him, at the very least? How much longer are you going to continue this misery?


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> Ugh this made my stomach drop. He's an angry, jealous man.
> 
> I lived with one of those for 12 years. He had severe anger issues and was jealous of my great job and all of the things I earned with that wonderful job. He destroyed all of my property because he was so jealous.
> 
> ...


He's not going to change. He's been angry all his life, I think. He's always telling me what a great job I have and my great benefits and coworkers and how I just have to sit at my desk all day and not interact with the public and can surf the internet all the time. How he has no time to surf the internet at work and has to deal with idiot coworkers and angry customers. Well maybe if you had a college education then you could do what I do too! But seeing as how you dropped out of school in 11th grade and got your GED and decided to try and take a couple of college courses in your early 40s and failed to finish those, I'd say that's not going to happen.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mapper said:


> He's not going to change. He's been angry all his life, I think. He's always telling me what a great job I have and my great benefits and coworkers and how I just have to sit at my desk all day and not interact with the public and can surf the internet all the time. How he has no time to surf the internet at work and has to deal with idiot coworkers and angry customers. Well maybe if you had a college education then you could do what I do too! But seeing as how you dropped out of school in 11th grade and got your GED and decided to try and take a couple of college courses in your early 40s and failed to finish those, I'd say that's not going to happen.


Mapper, evidently this is all ok with you because you are still there. 

You sound like a sweet lady. Your situation reminds me not only of my previous marriages, but also my mom and dad's marriage. My mom was such a sweet kind soul, and my dad was a raging [email protected] who verbally and emotionally abused her, in the exact way your H does. She finally got fed up after 22 years and divorced him. You really going to tolerate this for the next 40+ years of your life? Is this really how you want to live? I swore after watching how my dad treated my mom that I would never put up with that. I ended up marrying not just one but TWO men who ended up being like him, and I divorced BOTH. Life is too short for this sh!t.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> I read your other post as well...you are married to an angry, negative person. These kinds of people ALWAYS hate their jobs, think THEY are the only competent person there, management is stupid, etc.. etc.. etc. He will always be this way, so you might as well resign yourself to him always hating everything and having to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life. If you cant live like that, then you will have to divorce him, period. He will never change. He sees nothing wrong with how he is, its the REST of the world that is fvcked up.
> 
> I was married to this. I divorced it.


BTDT. I used to watch DH's mom complain about every job she got, they were out to get her, they talked about her, they ran her off...until I saw DH doing the exact same thing. It's always someone else's fault (even though I can SEE what he's doing wrong to shoot himself in the foot). 

You can't control it; that's a basic personality trait that's unlikely to change. It's how they get through life: blaming all their issues on other people so they don't have to be held accountable. Comes from fear of judgment or low self esteem. Set themselves up so they can't possibly succeed (everyone's against them) and therefore, you can't judge them.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

He has unreal expectations of how the universe works.

He is not a prince or have an Aladdin's ring to make things work properly.

Everybody around him just wants to get through the day and on with their lives. Until he can appreciate that, he will never serve long enough to get a specialty - any one who is top notch to the standards he's talking about will have already been headhunted by better companies...and the only way to get in line and last long enough for that is realize that everyone around you tries but doesn't really care about how things workout for others AND THAT'S THE NATURAL WAY FOR IT TO BE. Like most other Libra folk I share a similar trait, which has held me back for years. His job is (1) to appear keen and happy _despite_every_ circumstances, (2) make allowance in his routine. Accept that nothing in his current world is going to actually measure up, and make himself enjoy his life before it the mundane world bleaches all the happiness out of him. If he can't find happiness within, he will _never_ get along with the outside world long enough to get influence/respect.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mapper said:


> I almost always do because bringing up suggestions just makes him that much angrier. Although when I say nothing he'll say "Well you don't care because aren't even listening to me are you? Your job is so great and you have no idea what I have to deal with." And if I do say something I get yelled at for saying something!


My H is the same way. My H complains every.single.day. I've found over the 3+ decades that the only thing that works with him is, after he's ranted, to then ask him what he's thinking of doing about it. Not to offer solutions, but to further his mental discussion. He feels supported that way. (Plus he never does anything I suggest anyway, simply because it came from me, lol)


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## MoominWitch (Jun 23, 2016)

Mapper said:


> He's not going to change. He's been angry all his life, I think.


He is not going to change, all right. So, what about YOU doing something about your marriage?


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