# Warrant for my arrest- Assault and battery? WTF



## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

My wife and I have been working on R, it's been rough and we both decided we should spend some time apart to figure things out. Well today, I just received a letter saying that I have an arrest warrant for assault and battery. Not only was I thinking "WTF?", how'd this happen? It made me trigger badly about the whole affair and how evil my wife had turned.

DDay 2- I'm guessing this warrant was a result of my wife filing a police report about the night she saw the OM and broke no contact, I asked her to leave the house. In the beginning I was enraged when she got home, I gave her a chance to be honest, she lied, I went crazy and yelled at her. But eventually I cooled down, I told her I loved her and wished her the best of luck with him.

Well the next day, her and him got a hotel. I drive up there to confront them, she won't come out and has sex with him that night. I drove home crying, my wife had just chosen another man over me (worse day of my life).

Day after that, OM left my wife, ran back to his wife who I had told all about the affair. So my wife felt used by the OM and I'm sure was heart broken. She had just thrown away everything for this man and finally had sex with him, the very next day he dumps her like garbage (karma). So at this time she was temporarily insane...

...And the day after that, she files a police report about the night I kicked her out. Stating that I was verbally assaulting her, threatened her, and grabbed her by her hair (a lie). A policeman escorted her to our house to collect some her belongings. I talked to her while she was home, with the cop staring me down, I told her she's just making everything so much worse. She asked the cop to leave and we talked. 

I guess I kind of forgot about the police report, I didn't think it was a big deal. But apparently it was, I thought they'd at least give me a court date...but instead I just get this random letter saying I have an arrest warrant? I know this is isn't a legal advice site, but does anyone have any experience with this? She regrets this deeply, she was a wreck at the time. Could she drop the charges? Just more f'ing sh!!t I have to go through


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Your response is dependent were you live......

In some jurisdictions domestic violence charges are made by the people and your wife does not have standing to withdraw them. This structure of course was to prevent victims from being pressured to drop charges by their offending spouse.

In others, she has the standing to drop the charge.

Best advised, sorry to say, see a lawyer, who may be able to negotiate your surrender and obtain a court order to exspunge the whole thing from your record.

I would caution you to drive very carefully until you do so, a traffic stop can likely result in your arrest for the outstanding warrent.


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## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

Seangar said:


> My wife and I have been working on R, it's been rough and we both decided we should spend some time apart to figure things out. Well today, I just received a letter saying that I have an arrest warrant for assault and battery. Not only was I thinking "WTF?", how'd this happen? It made me trigger badly about the whole affair and how evil my wife had turned.
> 
> DDay 2- I'm guessing this warrant was a result of my wife filing a police report about the night she saw the OM and broke no contact, I asked her to leave the house. In the beginning I was enraged when she got home, I gave her a chance to be honest, she lied, I went crazy and yelled at her. But eventually I cooled down, I told her I loved her and wished her the best of luck with him.
> 
> ...


If you think that's bad read this. A good friend of mine just went through a seven year divorce that just got finalized. An affair was suspected but never proven. He thought everything was perfect untill he went home from work one day to an empty house. Stuff gone, wife and kids gone. So she could get the kids she accused him of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Custody was given to her without charges being laid against him or any investigation. He could only see his kids supervised by a childcare worker. He went to the police station and begged them to investigate and they wouldn't. Everyone just took her word. He went fr having what he thought was a loving wife oneday to having a monster accuse
him of everything she could think of. It took years in civil court for a judge to rule she made it all up and he got his kids back. He is now considering sueing her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

very good advice from calif,especially the last paragraph. talk to a lawyer,can't have much on you though as the cop left when your wife asked her to.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, in CA i hired a lawyer and the lawyer talked to the DA and it was worked out. My advise stay low and get a lawyer.

Me and my wife met him and it cost $1500 and alls he did was talk to the DA and told him there was not much of a case since the cops never caught me when they showed up and it wasn't worth the effort due to lack of evidence. They had no statement from me and my fWW was not in her right mind when she talked to the cops so there was very little to go on with out me making any kind of statement at the time of event.

Get a lawyer it was well worth it. 

In your case you already have charges so send the lawyer to court and plead not guilty, set a court date, have him call your wife and get her side and it may get dropped. The bottom line is, does the DA have enough to move forward?

It sucks you have to deal with this and spend the dough, but not doing anything just makes it worse.

BUT GET A LAWYER!!!!!!!!!!


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

@gingerdad...
that stories a nightmare, poor dude. I might have some real assault charges on my hand if that happened to me. At the time that's exactly why she did it though, she didnt want to make it look like she abandoned her family, so she used the police report to make it seem like i was abusive. The was pretty cruel/cold hearted at the time.

All they have is a police report, I'm not sure what she wrote in it. Basically that I yelled at her, asked her to leave, and grabbed her hair. 

I'd like to hire an attorney as a last option. After doing research I realize she cant drop it, only the DA can. But I'm going to have her contact the DA and tell him she has no intention of cooperating in my prosecution.

Feel like this is just another slap in the face and just adding to the difficulty we're having with our R.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Her hair being pulled is a criminal act and her refusal is abstruction. Please please get a lawyer as the 1ST RESORT!!!!! Please.

She will get arrest for laying to a peace officer...please contact no one but a lawyer...if she talkes to any one it should be your lawyer......please please please


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

dingerdad said:


> If you think that's bad read this. A good friend of mine just went through a seven year divorce that just got finalized. An affair was suspected but never proven. He thought everything was perfect untill he went home from work one day to an empty house. Stuff gone, wife and kids gone. So she could get the kids she accused him of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Custody was given to her without charges being laid against him or any investigation. He could only see his kids supervised by a childcare worker. He went to the police station and begged them to investigate and they wouldn't. Everyone just took her word. He went fr having what he thought was a loving wife oneday to having a monster accuse
> him of everything she could think of.* It took years in civil court for a judge to rule she made it all up and he got his kids back. He is now considering sueing her.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He should. He would recover damages such as the amount of money he spent overcoming the false charge. The recovered amount could probably negate any spousal support he paid.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

DA don't talk to people like you and me ( we all lie) thay talk to lawyers (there own kind), especially lawyer that know and have a good rep with them...please


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Seangar said:


> I'd like to hire an attorney as a last option. After doing research I realize she cant drop it, only the DA can. But I'm going to have her contact the DA and tell him she has no intention of cooperating in my prosecution.
> 
> Feel like this is just another slap in the face and just adding to the difficulty we're having with our R.



Did you use the VAR as suggested?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If I need a good drink I'll have my wife or your wife make me one. If I need to talk to a DA I'll have a lawyer do it.

You have a criminal charge against you...think about it...especially if its a felony!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Some women are crazy psycho b!tches! I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. I went thru a divorce twice with the same man. (The first time we reconciled before it was final, the second time I just ended it officially.) But, the first time we went through the divorce process was in 2004 and I was pregnant, and he was cheating on me. He tried to claim that I was mentally cruel to him. He tried to claim that I was "cruel" because I got pregnant to "trap" him. This, he actually told to the judge. Luckily we had a judge with some common sense and he actually told my husband off for lying to him in court.

Anyways, the degree to which these cheaters can go never ceases to amaze me anymore. It's incredible how shallow the one who vowed to love us forever can actually be. You'd swear they were abducted by aliens and had little chips implanted into their brains.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Never used a VAR

So you think if I just went to the courthouse the DA wouldn't talk to me? He has basically zero evidence outside of that police report? If this went to trial that's all he would have, my wife wouldn't testify against me. I've gone to court previously by myself and they've just thrown it out (disorderly conduct for urinating behind a gas station). 

If I'm prepared to pay bail and not do jail time, I think I could atleast explain to him that I'm not guilt and tell him I want it to go to court. If it goes to court, than shouldn't I get an attorney? I'd just hate to throw money away, when I'm broke as a joke right now.

I have a clean record, and this would be a misdemeanor charge...I live in michigan.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

And you reconciled (again) after that?!?!

you have saintly mercy.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> You'd swear they were abducted by aliens and had little chips implanted into their brains.



Agreed, that's part of the reason it's so painful. You think, "Wow, what happened to this amazing person that loved me more than anything?"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is the penalty if you are convicted?


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Complexity said:


> And you reconciled (again) after that?!?!
> 
> you have saintly mercy.


We decided to R a few weeks after the hotel incident. We both never thought there were being files charged against me. She basically thought filing a police report would just give her more power if we got divorced (she was scared to death of me taking the kids from her).

But yes, apparently I'm far from being a saint as it's been mostly me not being able to forgive her or get over her betrayal. I just want to understand the how/why she let this happen, and I guess she hasn't really given me an explanation I'm happy with (not that there is any), add in the fact that I feel like a 2nd choice and cant stop thinking about her having sex with him...very hard to R. I can see why most people choose not too. In the beginning she was trying hard, now she's kind of given up I think, after my continued lashing out (its so hard to control these emotions of anger and betrayal)...her self esteem has dwindled down to nothing.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Off Topic:

Temporary insanity my a$$.That was f*king evil. She would put you behind bards for the kids? If you want to Reconcile, don't do it by rug sweeping. Do it by identifying the actual issues. If you stay in denial, no one can help you. You will be responsible for your own misery. No wonder she cannot promise you that she wouldn't do it again.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Off Topic:
> 
> Temporary insanity my a$$. If you want to Reconcile, don't do it by rug sweeping. Do it by identifying the actual issues. If you stay in denial, no one can help you. You will be responsible for your own misery. No wonder she cannot promise you that she wouldn't do it again.


Ya temporary insanity was my word, not hers. She basically just got caught up in the affair fog which sadly most of us on here are all to familar with. Right now, she has so many personal problems to deal with, add in her feelings of worthlessness, and perhaps it was just a bad idea on my part to expect her to be able to do what was necessarily to R. Not wanting to rug sweep has been whats made this so hard, b/c I will not allow it. I feel like she needs to do everything in the world to show me she understands how this happened and that she's really truly sorry and has learned from her mistake (feeling like she isn't doing that is what causes me to get angry and lash out). So I agree completely sir warlocke.

This assault charge is just another layer to add to this f'ed up situation.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

While there is a pending arrest warrant out on you---you need to NOT abuse her verbally or physically

Go to your closest courthouse, and ask to speak to an ass't D A----you have that right, you are a taxpayer in the state you live in----see what you can work out---but till then lay low with the abuse of any kind


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

jnj express said:


> While there is a pending arrest warrant out on you---you need to NOT abuse her verbally or physically
> 
> Go to your closest courthouse, and ask to speak to an ass't D A----you have that right, you are a taxpayer in the state you live in----see what you can work out---but till then lay low with the abuse of any kind


I have never abused her, at least not physically. Of course I've yelled at her, but never threatened her. She's back to being in "love" with me and wants to be with me. So I'm sure she'd do whatever it takes to fix this


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he goes to the DA's office, they could very likely have him arrested. He needs an attorney.

Just because he walks in and tells the DA that he did not do anything, does not mean that the DA will believe him.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

At least talkmto one and see how much!!!!!

I too think I wasted my 1500 but then again, what if?

Is it a felony?
Will your wife stand by your side as you deal with going down and talking to the DA?

In my case I yet to have charges so none were brought, they "just wanted to talk to me" I took off and hide in a ditch saw no cops.

But you....you have a letter with a warrant. They will want to book you then let you go, then set a court date. Beg and borrow, but atleast find out how much.

Get on the net and do your own research, but just showing up unprepared is a bad idea.

Do the research and you may find a org. that can...at the very least lift a the order against you, so you don't get picked up on your way to work! 

Ask your wife to change cars with you until this gets figured out. And clean out the garage so you can park your car/truck in it.

The big issue is it a misdermenor or felony...DA need alot of felony convictions to look good. Its my understanding that if it aggrivated then its a felony ...but I'm no lawyer

If your broke then at least DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH before any one goes talking and walking in the the court house.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Assault and Battery Punishment
Assault and battery is a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment for not more than 93 days or a fine of not more than $500.00, or both. Depending upon a number of factors, assault and battery can also be charged as misdemeanor domestic violence or aggravated assault.

@elegirl
Yes, I would bring money for my bond in case that happened...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She might have been a good woman but I'm afraid that she might have gone off the deep end now. The woman you loved is dead. She is now in the crazy territory. She f*cks him and files a DV complaint against you? Be very careful.This women will bring nothing but misery to your life. Or by a miracle, everything will return to as it was. 

Do you see ever yourself happy with her in the future?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Read your warrant see what they have on you exactly---assault is threats---battery is touching---they arn't gonna toss you in the pokey---jails are too overcrowded allready, and the county and state don't need/want added expense.

A warrant doesn't mean you are guilty, you are just a suspect


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Would they fine her if she retracts the claim? Or arrest her for filing a false claim?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Cool... big difference here.. if your broke then walk in and try to work it out.

Sorry for trippen out, I'm just scared of cops...it was my up bring I guess. LOL


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Read your warrant see what they have on you exactly---assault is threats---battery is touching---they arn't gonna toss you in the pokey---jails are too overcrowded allready, and the county and state don't need/want added expense.
> 
> A warrant doesn't mean you are guilty, you are just a suspect


Yea, thats why I think i'd be better off doing research and handling this by myself. Once I find out more and if they plan to prosecute me, than I'll hire a lawyer.




warlock07 said:


> Would they fine her if she retracts the claim? Or arrest her for filing a false claim?


It's illegal to make a false police report, yes. From what i've read she just needs to let the DA know she will not cooperate...really all she can do.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Or will she be charged for abstruction of justice?

See, here I go again all worked up about what the "man" can do to you.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

the guy said:


> Or will she be charged for abstruction of justice?
> 
> See, here I go again all worked up about what the "man" can do to you.


haha yea I hate the "man" about as much as I hate the OM


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

If she had the choice of getting arrested for false police report or having you arrested for DV, what would she do?


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

arrested for false police report for sure...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She's living with her dad whats it matter ther won't be any finacial hardship for her, just an emotional hard ship that her man got busted.
I'm guessin she'll talk to S- when he gets out...LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude, she needs a new job and move back in! But I think I'm preaching to the choir?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

the guy said:


> Sorry for trippen out, I'm just scared of cops...it was my up bring I guess. LOL


I have police sirens as my alarm clock - wakes me up everytime, upbringing too I guess heh

@Seangar



> She's back to being in "love" with me and wants to be with me. So I'm sure she'd do whatever it takes to fix this


Hate to break it to you but the only reason it seems she wants to be back with you is because she realised that she has no where else to go. Have some pride and break it off with this malicious woman.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Someone should link to a "Codependency for BS" article but guess this is not the time


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

lol yea thanks for being positive guy. Hopefully they have internet access in jail.

She left because I asked her too, I felt we needed time apart to clear our thoughts and figure things out for ourselves. I need to figure out if I'm just prolonging the pain and just need to let her go...or if I'm going to commit myself to R and work on forgiving her and quit lashing out. But honestly, I feel like its all on her...how I feel is a direct response of her actions. I feel like if she really proves to me that shes sorry and wants to be with me for the right reasons (not b/c I'm all she has left or b/c shes comfortable with me, or b/c she wants to be with her kids and in her home)...and of course learn from what she's done, it will in return make it easier for me to R with her. Or at least give us that chance. She's just so broken as a person right now she can't give me what I want/need to heal. Thus the time apart...

@warlock
yea co dependency def could be a part of this. We've been together since we were 17, she's been there for me through the passing of both my parents. We both share a deep bond for each other. But yea, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be...and even though I know the right thing to do is to let her go, its hard.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What she did that night was malicious, even with the kids, hotel and all (I think I got the right thread) She should have left and came out.
But I'm big on marriage and if S- can forgive and she can pull her head out of her @ss then why not do it...there is no try only do young Luke.

Its her freaken job man, she sh!t were she eats and she should quit.

Thats my $0.02


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In my case, my chick pretty much submitted to my additude and after awhile its not how I wanted to live.
In my case R was all up to her. See Mrs the-guy wanted to stay I was indifferent to it all alway have been. Sorry to say for the last 20 years ...going on 21 years in march.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

@the guy
yea it was Malicious! It'll be burned in my brain for the rest of my life. She realizes just how wrong and evil it was now and she hates herself for it. At that point she thought our marriage was over, she was infatuated with him, I kicked her out. I got him kicked out. She said to me that he told her, "Well what does he think was going to happen, he got us both kicked out". She was gone at that point...


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Text from her after I told her about the arrest warrant...

Her: So I bet u really hate me now huh

Me: No I dont hate u, I love u deeply. That's what makes this all so hard

Her: How does this make u feel after getting that today?

Me: Just reminds me of everything u did and how cruel u were to me

Her: I'm sorrry

Me: are you?

to be continued...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What a d!ck!!!!!!!!!!! Fast times at ridgemont high

The POS sells her on a bag of goods then bails.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Look, domestic violence is a whole different thing than your experience ..... The DA, I guarantee has seen women take back their statements even as their wounds and injuries still fresh. Rules and laws are in-place.....

You are in a fog if you believe that the DA needs your wife's cooperation - many a man has been jailed without the cooperation of the wife.

Don't believe me, Google "San Francisco Sheriff" the newly elected sheriff for the city and county of San Francisco has been charged without the cooperation of his wife with domestic violence. She is so uncooperative she is shouting to the print and broadcast media that he is innocent - she is on the news daily, protesting the DA's and the court action ----- yet the DA is proceeding! 

Don't mess with this, get a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

S-
Tell her it time to go down to the court house...serious tell her.

Really, another consequence that she needs.

We need to teach them the hard way, They had it good then they screwed up ...big time so now its time to pay the piper and fix this crap and admit to false crap like hair pulling. 


Big time remorse if she fesses up and tells\ her you will bail her out right of way, but as joke wake until the next day...then the both of you can laugh about it....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

cali, he's broke and its a misdermenor.

get her to fess up, b/c in my book thats real remorse....guys


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

@cali

Yea that's pretty scary, sounds like it could be political? From my experience though, a lawyer can't really do anything in the beginning outside of showing the DA you mean business. Wouldn't the DA offer you the same deal he would to your attorney? If he's unwilling to drop the charges, in that case I'd have to bite the bullet and hire an attorney. At least that's my thinking so far. But could me representing myself before any of this hurt my case? I need to find a legal advice forum.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I would demand it.

For sure the Da will tell her what S- wife is proposing and with that click-click Mrs S- pays her due for lie about the hair pulling.

With justice maybe comes remorse....just maybe????


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

S- its a misdermener, anger management and a 1000 bucks/community service.

Still bull, she should fess up. 

S- I'm getting out of line?


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

the guy said:


> S-
> Big time remorse if she fesses up and tells\ her you will bail her out right of way, but as joke wake until the next day...then the both of you can laugh about it....


1. Would that be a sign of real remorse? I'm not so sure, it would def help

2. haha thats cruel, she just spent time in jail for her dui from a few weeks ago (her first time in any kind of law trouble). I'm going to ask her though and see what she says.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

S

Not political, photos of her injuries from walking into a door (lol) and witnesses....

"the guy" every case different, every state different and every county in a state different - careful with your "facts"

S....if your going to do it your way, take your wife with you.....less likely the DA, a law enforcement official, will order your arrest at his office.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

warlord and I seem the think she'll let you flap in the wind while she deals with her DUI.
But it would be interesting to see what, if any real changes she has made as far as correcting her moral compass.

At the end of the day she needs to onw all this crap and the questions is how far will she go to make it right?

From were I'm sitting she aint willing to take the risk of quiting her job no matter were the marriage goes. It was something you originaly wanted.

But is she willing to take a fall to keep you out of the courts?


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

She would quit in a heartbeat if we didn't need the money and she had another job. In our area it's extremely hard to find employment, and she does make decent money where shes at. It's a work in progress. It doesn't help with me being unemployed and the only job I have is out of state...which seems like it would be a bad idea to try R with me living out of state right now. 

How far will she go to make it right, thats what i'm waiting to see...

As for taking the fall to keep me out of the courts, I honestly think she would if I asked her too, guess I'll have to take ur's and warlocks bet. That still doesn't take away the pain of what she's done, that will never go away it feels like


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm not betting, I though Green Bay was going to the Super Bowl.

What I do hope is that she steps up and you see this and the both of you get this sh!t worked out


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> She said to me that he told her, "Well what does he think was going to happen, he got us both kicked out"


That as$hole, d!ck, pig, cvnt. How are you able to put this behind you? Are you in contact with OMW?


Edit: There weren't even any delusions. He utterly used and threw her away.


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

1) She only came back to you because OM went back to his wife
2) Her actions tells me she's not in love with you. I'm sorry, but that's what I'm reading between lines.
3) And never forget, she has filed false police report against you, just to be vindictive! What makes you think she won't do it again???


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Easy now , don't piss her off until she take the fall for the hair pulling crap!


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

the guy said:


> I'm not betting, I though Green Bay was going to the Super Bowl.
> 
> What I do hope is that she steps up and you see this and the both of you get this sh!t worked out


Yea I thought Green bay had it as well, of course I thought the Lions were going all the way too

And thanks, time will tell. I wish there was a chat room in this forums, get place to come and just talk...it def helps.





warlock07 said:


> That as$hole, d!ck, pig, cvnt. How are you able to put this behind you? Are you in contact with OMW?


Yea I know, if there's anyone I'd like to assault and batter it'd be him. I've been tempted to do some pretty bad things to him trust me. He preyed on my wife, tricked her into believing he cared about her and wanted to be with her, related to her about being in an unhappy marriage, made her believe he had tons of money (his wife told me they couldn't even pay their mortgage), but once I exposed his secret his true character shined through. He was just a typical lying, cheating, pig that wanted nothing more than sex...even at the cost of his family and mine. My weak naive wife gave him exactly what he had been trying so hard to get from the beginning (first date he asked her if she wanted to get a hotel room) and I get to live with the pain. It's hard for me to deal with her being so easily manipulated by him. Shes never lowered her guard to another man and shes worked this type of work almost our whole relationship, he hit her at a low point in our marriage when she was the most vulnerable. 

Not sure I can put this behind me. And no I havent talked to the OMW in over 2 months. She has gps software on his phone and I'm guessing would contact me if she thought something was up. My wife despises him at this point, so I doubt she'd want anything to do with him. She's told me she doesn't really think it was him (she knew he was a bad choice but the opportunity was there), it's the feelings that she got from the affair its self that were so intoxicating...She's told me even at the time she knew I was a better man, I was more attractive, more intelligent, blah blah.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I have enough of my own pain, so I'm not going to take any from you  but we deal with our own pain in our own way. For now you have this court thing you must deal with and as crap as you get thrown at you, its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lions??????really LOL


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Is there a domestic violence court where you live?(We have one here in Utah) The whole thing is for just DV. They don't care if your S takes back the statement you get hit with it and that is that. I think because they make money off the court fees and fines you have to pay and the court required classes and the like.

Can you take a plea in abence? (you jump through hoops then it is removed from your records)

I know for a fact that it does not matter if she recants her statement because real vics of DV take it back all the time so they no longer believe the vict. 

I would not be going around trying to figure out her and her crud I would be dealing with the thing that could end up on my record that could effect future employment, where you can rent/live (if you don't have your own house or she takes it from you) That is a big deal to me because everyone back ground checks these days including people dating who check out their dates

At least run it by a lawyer (you can see ones who will see you for free before they take your case) if nothing else you will be able to hear what a lawyer thinks your chances and options are.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Tap1214 said:


> 1) She only came back to you because OM went back to his wife
> 2) Her actions tells me she's not in love with you. I'm sorry, but that's what I'm reading between lines.
> 3) And never forget, she has filed false police report against you, just to be vindictive! What makes you think she won't do it again???



1. Yep, that's the hardest part of all of this. It would have been so much easier if she said, "wow what am I doing, this is horrible. I need to end this and go back to my husband". And sadly she tried that when I originally found out, told the OM what they were doing was wrong and asked him to leave her alone. Unfortunately he didn't, he just upped the ante and pursued her even harder. Telling her how much he cared about her and how it hurt she was throwing him away. The hold this man had on her was powerful. She's thinks now, that after a while she would have came to her senses and ended it, especially after the excitement wore off. She says what I did, just ended it sooner...

2. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Does she want to be with me for the right reasons? Do her actions express that? So far, I'm not so sure. She's hates seeing me in pain, she knows that she's the cause of my pain and knows there's nothing she can do to take it away...

3. Yep, this was basically directly after the hotel night. She was afraid of me...for good reason, I was going insane. I had just caught her in a hotel with another man and she choose to stay with him and not come back to her family. Add in the fact that she was scared to death of me stealing the kids away from her, getting child support, alimony...she acted out of panic and she was still in the fog of the affair. But yes, it just adds to the all the other horrible [email protected] shes done to me.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

the guy said:


> I have enough of my own pain, so I'm not going to take any from you  but we deal with our own pain in our own way. For now you have this court thing you must deal with and as crap as you get thrown at you, its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.


haha wise words my friend. I'll also add in that "with great power comes great responsiblity" -uncle ben

I do like that quote though, I'm even going to send it to her. Maybe it'll help her crawl out of the hole she's dug herself into

And yes the lions, I'm from Mich...and they were lookin hot.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> My weak naive wife


I would call her anything but naive. I don't have to repeat the stuff she already put you and putting you through. You give her much more credit than she deserves. I think you are in what they call the BS fog. You are making so many excuses for your wife(inspite of you telling that you aren't)

There was this post from lascarx in the private section. He makes some good observations




> I don't want to judge those people. The point is that's one story like so many others that seem similar, all having to do with breakdown and torment because people went into marriage needing props and used their spouses as props the whole way through, until the co-respondent entered the picture and kicked the props out from under everyone. Then your two lovebirds go back and weep their way towards the goal of doing a better job of propping. If that's the normal pre-requisite for R - that you need to go back because you just need that prop back or you die - then I don't want any part of it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Now back to the cheating crap!

You know I'm done with the whole her, her ,her (meaning Mrs the-guy). She was the weak one, she made her choices, and regret or non regret are hers to own. Today its about me and what I want out of a healthy relationship *now*. 

I will not alow my ego to wollow in her evil and the vampires she was with.

Granted we both should have moved on and made the same relationship misstake with others , but we made a choice to have a healthy relationship with healthy people, and this included the two screwed up folks (Mr.&Mrs. the -guy).

At the end of the day it all about finding someone that can teach you how to change and if your spouse is also willing to have /let someone teach them how to change ...well thats a start.


Face it S- just b/c our chicks are in the same line of work me and you are wired differently. there is nothing good or bad about ....just 2 different perspectives.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Kurosity said:


> Is there a domestic violence court where you live?(We have one here in Utah) The whole thing is for just DV. They don't care if your S takes back the statement you get hit with it and that is that. I think because they make money off the court fees and fines you have to pay and the court required classes and the like.
> 
> Can you take a plea in abence? (you jump through hoops then it is removed from your records)
> 
> ...



Dont believe we have a domestic violence court, although I suppose with all the polygamists in Utah...you guys having one would make sense. 

But trust me, I'm not taking this lightly...I know what it could do to me if it were on my record. "Assault and Battery", what employer would want that? But honestly, all they have for evidence is a police report from my wife...who if needed to would testify in my defense. I think after reading online, I'm going to initially try and talk to the DA myself and see if he'll drop the charges. If not and it goes to trial, I'll go lawyer hunting.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

First contact an attorney if you can afford one, if not then a public defender will be appointed at the arraignment. Call the jail or police first to see what the bond is going to be. Yes, the prosecutor can proceed without her cooperation, but they won't. It will ultimately end up getting dropped. The police report means very little, with no evidence of physical injury or any witnesses, its her word against yours, so there's no way you could ever be convicted. With no corroborating evidence, its not worth the effort for a hearing. You can choose when to turn yourself in so wait until you have bond money. Otherwise, if you get stopped for a violation and the cops run your name, they'll see the warrant on their computer and book you into jail accordingly. Of course when you turn yourself in make no statements about the case. 

Maybe after this is over you can file a police report against her for False Reporting because they probably wont do it automatically. Which is something that needs to change because far too many women pull this crap and nothing is done to them. My younger brothers girlfriend did this stuff all the time to him even when they were living with my parents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Man I wish I knew how to repost/quote.

DV....polygamist...Utah....................

My thinking is talk to a bunch of lawyers and swift through there sales pitch and then talk to the DA. Just don't tell the lawyers.

Analogy;
whats wrong with my car? "bad water pumb" 

Then;
go to the part store and buy and replace your own pumb

Make sense S-?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Only convictions count against you for employment purposes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Seangar said:


> Dont believe we have a domestic violence court, although I suppose with all the polygamists in Utah...you guys having one would make sense. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> Not digging that that is the second utah/polygamist crack I have had in these forums.....sorry I thought I would try to add my thoughts to help but I guess you are venting about it. Best of luck to you


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

@warlock
I think most girls are naive actually. Their driven by emotions, if a guy can tap into those emotions he could pretty much have any girl he wants almost (read up on pick up artists). Would your wife turn down Brad Pitt...haha would anyone's wife? Add into the fact that women grow up believing a marriage should resemble something out of a fairytale or a romantic movie...that's not reality...and sadly most never learn this. Their expectations are never met...

I'm not making excuses for her, just trying to do my best to understand her (and people in general). There is no excuse for cheating, simple as that. It takes a weak person with poor character to do what shes done. Is the impact of this huge mistake enough to make her change and grow as a person? I hope so, if not for me, for her own sake and the sake of my kids. 

Is it better to jump freshly into a new relationship, with a person who has a 50/50 chance of doing the same thing to you? Or offering the person you love a second chance to learn from what they've done and do everything to correct it? The stats i've read on infidelity show that a small percentage of women/men cheat a second time after reconciling (I'll try to find that article for you). 

So the question is, can I forgive her? I dont know. I know that she has a great chance to grow into a much stronger and better person. I know that the next man she's with could benefit greatly from what she's learned at the expense of the pain she caused me. Haha or she could just do the same thing to him...life is awesome


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

K-
Sorry for the crack, I ment nothing by it and if it helps I have long given up on dealing with the " only fruits and nuts come from CA" dig that I would get time and time again.

After all it just a dig, nothing personal......

again sorry


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

S- I like the way you think!

Take care of you and she can come along for the ride or not, b/c you will also be a better person


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

@lordmayhem

Thanks for the sound advice. If i need to I'll get an attorney...great way to spend out tax return....paying for her dui and my assault charges haha.

@the guy 
another great idea, i've done this far to many times with the piece of sh!!t cars i've had to deal with. And no, keep the cracks coming by all means

@kurosity
Dont take any offense, I was just making a joke. Thanks for your input...thanks to everyones input!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lets see. MI. well the only thing that comes to mind is the Omish, but then why in the hell would you have a computor.

Hows this, only motor head live in MI.

I'm thinking cheese, but that Wisconsin.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

Sean, look into getting some IC. Not for her, but for yourself. Your anger is justified, but the way you handle that anger is obviously impeding your R.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

dymo said:


> Sean, look into getting some IC. Not for her, but for yourself. Your anger is justified, but the way you handle that anger is obviously impeding your R.


Agreed 1000%. I know I shouldn't be lashing out at her, I usually feel bad afterwards. I was hoping with time this would get better, but it seems like the more time I've had, the more my head clears and the more it upsets me. 



@the guy 

haha Omish? That's all you've got...
could talk about our 20% unemployment, or the fact that we have two cities with the highest violent crimes in the country (flint and detroit). Guess thats not as funny as polygamy though


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Seangar,

If you haven`t gotten that warrant worked out yet..

Go to see a bail/bondsman.
Tell him what your warrant is for.
Pay him in advance to bond you out.

Go to the county jail.
Tell the cop at the front desk there is a warrant out on you.
You`ll be booked and released by morning depending on how you time it. 
Your bondsman can help you with the timing.

Have your wife call the DA and tell him she won`t press charges nor will she testify.
The DA will drop the charges.

With the charges dropped there will be nothing on your record.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

"I'm as mad as hell and I ain't going to take it any more" Name that movie?

So S- you go to Ic and what "why are you mad" and "what whats make you angry"

IMHO the way his WW handles his anger is impending *her* R.

I'm just the -guy and I'm wired a little different. dymo you make sense, I'm pissed at everything, thats just me, but as far as infidelity goes we are all justified in being angry for this kind of betrayal, but is the wayward willing to deal with the justification like mine has?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

S- I'm trying to be a little light this evening and cheer you up not bring you down ;-)


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

@taco
thanks again, I doubt the bail will be to much? Couldn't I just pay it myself or have a family member? In the letter I received it says I should come to the courthouse...The main thing is def my wife letting the DA know she will not cooperate. 



the guy said:


> S- I'm trying to be a little light this evening and cheer you up not bring you down ;-)


haha well thanks for going easy on me. What has your wife done to help your R? I guess that's where my wifes stuck, she wants to be together but doesnt know how to make things better?

First month, she went out of her way to be loving affection (read post on HB), but that faded somewhat b/c of my lashing out. I felt like she was rug sweeping and trying to recreate the excitement she had with the OM with me... at least that's how it felt. It's a constant roller coaster of emotions, and I've told her that. But after my continued anger and lashing out (I have called her a whor!!e blah blah, nothing productive), she felt like she wasn't getting anywhere I suppose and it was unhealthy for both of us (her causing me pain by just being there and her being verbally "attacked" by me). She's completely transparent, keeps gps on her phone, answers my txts/phone calls immediately, she's in IC. I guess I'm just so afraid of falling into a false R, I've been extra hard on her. I feel like this has to prove her love to me, make me feel like I'm not a second choice or a consolation prize. Show me that she is truly sorry for what shes done. Do whatever it takes for us to be together. She just doesnt know how to do any of this feeling as worthless as she does...she feels like i'd be better off without her...and asks me how could i ever want to be with a person that's done what she has?


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

With your IC, try to look for someone who specializes in infidelity or PTSD.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She calls me, before work, at break, lunch, and on her way home. Thats her deal to keep me around. The GPS and transparentcy is there but in addition there is a submission on her part that was dangerously close in my part in abusing it, until she spoke up (thanks to IC for both of us).

So in like any sub/dom relationship there must be rewards. So I can dish it out but I most be able to give back. An effort on my part...not to reward her for her infidelity but to reward her for making an effort in doing this submission both emotionaly and sexualy.

How ever rough I am with her I equaly have to be soft. Sure I have my triggers and bad days but I regroup and make the effort to show her effection and an effort of great amount of attention.

So yes she takes the abuse of my anger, but understands that I was hurt in a big way, but in the same breath I do not want to be this pissed off guy anymore so I make this effort to be better.She can be this "i'm not worth, I'm a bad person" kind of thing, but she doesn't want to be that person either. Call it self awareness if you will. Frankly I don't want to be around this kind of person, so there you go, what she needs to do to keep me around.

God I hope this makes sense?

Bottom line she takes the out burst, she has this submission about her, but when I treat her good she also returns it 10 fold. So it all boils done to being nice to each other. But there is alway a but, thats just what she has created. It is her choice to except it and I make a choice not to abuse it.

Her biggest acomplishment beside the constant contact is her ablity to give up her friends and "privite" life, her willingness to spend all her time with me and no one else. There's really a sense that she has given her self to me completely.

My take is, don't walk behind me, don't walk in front of me, but walk next to me..........she wants a best friend and it is me. 

The b!tch is that its hard to explian, it just a new behavior she has....a new life style if you will.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Not hurt by any cracks. 
Not sure why I was not "digging" it....lol! I know it is an easy target for jabs makes me wish I knew some jokes now to ummmmm undo the sensitive vibe I gave. I really like this forum learning so much just from fallowing the posts


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

~ but when I treat her good she also returns it 10 fold~

That is so wonderful going to take this one home and use it. Sometimes I think I never return it on a level that shows my H that I am thankful when he is good to me


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Dont know how it works in MI, but in my state all she has to do is not show up for the court apperance, case dropped.
Simular thing happened to a guy I knew, posted bail (in out, they did have to aresset him) and his atty told him all she had to do was call the DA and tell them she did not want pursue it or not show up at the hearing.

By all means consult an Atty, 1st consultation should be free.

So sorry this is happening to you with all the other Shyt going on to boot......


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

What you need to do (and this is part of your wife's consequences) is tell her to go down to the police station and admit to filing a false police report. She needs to do this. It should clear everything up. She may get in trouble, but its her fault. It would be dropped in court anyways. I am sure when she lied about you grabbing her by the hair, if you had, there would be a clump of hair missing.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Can you get her to admit to falsifying the police report in writing (text)? Even if you chose not to use it now, it may protect you in the future if she tries to pull the same stunt. Hopefully texting her to ask why she claimed you pulled her hair will be all it takes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I agree with the other poster that you must get her to agree that she filed a false police report otherwise it will haunt you later on if the two of you do divorce. As lordmayhem pointed out to you, too many women get away with doing this sh!t and pay no consequences for it.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

the guy said:


> Lets see. MI. well the only thing that comes to mind is the Omish, but then why in the hell would you have a computor.
> 
> Hows this, only motor head live in MI.
> 
> I'm thinking cheese, but that Wisconsin.


Guy do you mean Amish? The OM my WS had her affair with was raised Amish. His brothers, sisters, and parents are all freaken Amish, no electricity, horse and buggy etc. The OM left the Amish and lives a modern life. My WS always thought the Amish were weird and she hooks up with a guy who was raised that way. Go figure.

On topic - Man, your WS like all of ours is a piece of work.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I have to agree with some of the commenters, these false allegations are all on her, has caused you some serious legal issues to deal with, if she were remorseful for her behavior she would have no problem accepting the consequences of her false allegation against you and would go ask the DA to have the charges and arrest warrant dropped.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You anger has become an addiction. When you get angry you gat an adrenaline rush. Your wife had the affair and one night stand but you are making sure there is no reconciliation. From the sound of it I would say you have already lost her again.

You sound much worse than before she startedthe affair in the first place. She came crawling back what have you done to work on your marriage?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Lon said:


> I have to agree with some of the commenters, these false allegations are all on her, has caused you some serious legal issues to deal with, if she were remorseful for her behavior she would have no problem accepting the consequences of her false allegation against you and would go ask the DA to have the charges and arrest warrant dropped.


She could face serious charges for false allegations. 

OP - I apologize for not having read the whole thread, but I got one of those letters once... violation of an order of protection and I had a warrant. If there is a number on the notice, call it. You will need to get an attorney. I do not know your state, but my H and I went through several years of DV charges, back and forth. It was a nightmare. We couldn't reconcile ourselves, the courts had to allow it... Attorney fee's and all. 

For me, I couldn't talk to the DA on my own, my H couldn't talk to the DA and let them know he wanted charges dropped... I had to go to my court dates, go to DV classes, etc. We are in TN though... It was just ridiculous that neither one of us could approach the DA... We had to have an attorney do it for us. Sucks.

Whatever you do, don't ignore the warrant. If you have to turn yourself in, do it. I did that and spent 12 hours locked up in our county jail and had to post bond. Fun. But the warrant weighed pretty heavy on me.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> If she had the choice of getting arrested for false police report or having you arrested for DV, what would she do?


I was just going to ask this question. Would she put herself in that position for you???


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Cherry said:


> She could face serious charges for false allegations.


As she should and anybody else (man or woman) who abuses the legal system by having a police officer loose valuable time from helping those who truly need them, all because one spouse wants to use the law to punish his/her spouse.


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## Speed (Dec 9, 2011)

Sorry man, but I don't feel any sympathy for her. Make her responsible. She needs to fess up and admit that she lied and take what punishment is served up.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

the guy said:


> S-
> Tell her it time to go down to the court house...serious tell her.
> 
> Really, another consequence that she needs.
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Seangar said:


> @taco
> thanks again, I doubt the bail will be to much? Couldn't I just pay it myself or have a family member? In the letter I received it says I should come to the courthouse...The main thing is def my wife letting the DA know she will not cooperate.
> 
> 
> ...


I think what you're really trying to do is not let her rug sweep, and you're probably not the type of person who just lets things go in general, you tackle things head on. My husband is like that, he refused to allow me to rug sweep anything, yeah he attacked me at times and called me a [email protected], pig, you name it. But this slowly started to dwindle, it took months, but I listened to his anger, and it took me a while to realize that he's angry, yes, but the bottom line is that he his hurting so badly, and what can I do to make him feel better. So I went to him when he would begin to lash out, and just hold him, tell him I know he sometimes hates me for what I did. He would calm down and begin to cry, I'd cry for him.

He told me what he needed from me, the comfort, the feeling that I cared. It's hard to go up and hug someone when they're angry, but your wife needs to know that it could make a big difference.

And your wife needs to take responsibility for filing a false charge, she needs to do that for you in order for you to feel she is comitted to R.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cherry said:


> She could face serious charges for false allegations.


"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime" comes to mind.

It is serious charges because it is a seriously evil thing to do to someone. I don't have any personal experience in dealing with that situation because I have always decided I am not willing to do the time, but I do know that if there was a warrant for my arrest for something I didn't do I would seek justice no matter who instigated this. I would forgive that person if they owned up to it, accepted the consequence and offered apology, but no way would I willingly do time if I was the one that has been wronged.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Talk to an atty before doing anything.

If you allow yourself to be booked into jail, you will be photographed and fingerprinted. There will be a permanent record of you being arrested.

In the future your mugshot will be available online via simple google search. The arrest record will be available. Every time you apply for a job or even have a credit report pulled, your arrest may pop up.

Many job applications ask if you have ever been arrested or if charges were ever brought against you. Now you have to answer yes if you go down and get formally arrested.

Some civil rights can be lost, such as the right to own or even touch a firearm (in the USA), if there is a history of domestic violence. This arrest may trigger that provision. Foreign travel may be impossible with an arrest record for a violent crime.

You need to know the full legal ramifications of all your choices before you do anything. That's why you need a lawyer. Sucks to have to pay for it, but the lawyer is the expert and that's why you pay them.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Off topic, but do you guys sit down and talk about what happened? A weekly talk about the affair as well as the health of your marriage will go a long way toward repairing feelings and feeling safer.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

First, Ignore Tacoma

Second, you have 3 options: 1. See an attorney to work this out, could just take a couple if phone calls, no you can't make these calls as you are not a TRUSTED part of the system. OR
2. Turn yourself in to the agency that took the report, get booked, hope they release you without bail or bail yourself out - get a court date and ask for a public defender (overworked-too many cases) and hope for the best. OR
3. See if possible in your jurisdiction, for your wife to withdraw complaint - remember many jurisdictions will not all this in a domestic violence case, their may be consequences for her, usually fine, community service and counciling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

What a kick in the groin!

Waht would happen if she went down to the police station or contacted the DA about her false report?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

To the OP:

I have not read this whole thread but...

Are you seriously thinking about getting back with this woman?

She has already demonstrated that she will put the screws to you big time in order to inflict some pain. You caught her cheating, had the nerve to say something (as misguided as that was), and now you have to pay for calling her out?

I would:

* Counter-charge her with filing a false police report.
* Get a restraining order against her.
* Avoid all contact with her.
* Get the nastiest divorce attorney you can to get as much as you can from her.

Look at it this way: what is going to prevent her from doing this to you again the next time she is angry with you? If you guys are co-habitating, how will you prove nothing happened?

At a bare minimum, she needs to confess and plead guilty to filing that false charge to even consider a reconciliation. That way, if something comes up again, she has a criminal history that you can point to as evidence that she is full of crap.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Lon said:


> "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime" comes to mind.
> 
> It is serious charges because it is a seriously evil thing to do to someone. I don't have any personal experience in dealing with that situation because I have always decided I am not willing to do the time, but I do know that if there was a warrant for my arrest for something I didn't do I would seek justice no matter who instigated this. I would forgive that person if they owned up to it, accepted the consequence and offered apology, but no way would I willingly do time if I was the one that has been wronged.


I know it is... I was just pointing it out . Any time someone uses these kinds of charges, its very serious. My husband used the system to try and destroy me for over 5 months. At one point I had 5 charges against me. It was a nightmare. I almost lost everything because of DV charges.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

False criminal charges would be a deal breaker for me and in my opinion should be for anybody who is caught up in an undesirable relationship. For one thing, given the temperament of some officers of the "law", the victim could easily end up dead simply because of misinterpretation of his actions by some hot shot.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

After all the BS you've been through- _especially her staying at the hotel w/OM_- you still satyed

_Now_, she even calls the cops on you!

WTF are you thinking, man???:scratchhead:


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

JustaJerk said:


> After all the BS you've been through- _especially her staying at the hotel w/OM_- you still satyed
> 
> _Now_, she even calls the cops on you!
> 
> WTF are you thinking, man???:scratchhead:


She called the cops on me the day after I caught her in a hotel. She was afraid I was going to throw all of her stuff away and steal our kids. She was in panic mode...she regrets what she did and shes going to everything she can to make these charges disappear..


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Then she needs to admit to the False Reporting. Given what she did on top of the cheating I don't see how this marriage can be saved. Recovering from infidelity is hard enough without adding this. Believe me, you will feel differently when you turn yourself in and have the reality of being cuffed, searched, transported in a cruiser, fingerprinted, having your mugshot taken and booked into jail until you bond out. This will be an entry on your Record of Arrest & Prosecution (RAP) sheet.

This is the reality you're facing: even though you won't be convicted, your mugshot and fingerprints will stay in the system as your arrest record. Even though this will not be available to employers, it will be availble to law enforcement agencies and prosecutors. In the future, this may make it easier for someone to take out an RO/PO against you.

I've seen this too many times. That's why I say not enough is done to penalize people for false reporting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Will this effect his employability now ?


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Seangar said:


> My wife and I have been working on R, it's been rough and we both decided we should spend some time apart to figure things out. Well today, I just received a letter saying that I have an arrest warrant for assault and battery. Not only was I thinking "WTF?", how'd this happen? It made me trigger badly about the whole affair and how evil my wife had turned.
> 
> DDay 2- I'm guessing this warrant was a result of my wife filing a police report about the night she saw the OM and broke no contact, I asked her to leave the house. In the beginning I was enraged when she got home, I gave her a chance to be honest, she lied, I went crazy and yelled at her. But eventually I cooled down, I told her I loved her and wished her the best of luck with him.


So basically she just lied. Looks good for her to have that on your record during the divorce. You could not have even been around a woman, and all they have to do is say you hit them. The police won't check them for marks, bruises or nothing. They will just take their word for it and BOOM, you are arrested.




> Day after that, OM left my wife


LOL, good.




> ran back to his wife who I had told all about the affair. So my wife felt used by the OM and I'm sure was heart broken.


Tell her you have the smallest violin in the world playing "Cry Me A River".





> She had just thrown away everything for this man and finally had sex with him, the very next day he dumps her like garbage (karma). So at this time she was temporarily insane...


DO NOT make excuses for her. She wasn't temporarily insane. She simply got played. 




> ...And the day after that, she files a police report about the night I kicked her out. Stating that I was verbally assaulting her, threatened her, and grabbed her by her hair (a lie). A policeman escorted her to our house to collect some her belongings. I talked to her while she was home, with the cop staring me down, I told her she's just making everything so much worse. *She asked the cop to leave and we talked*.


That right there should have told the copy that her police report was a load of bunk. If you file assault charges, or an RO, and if its true, she isn't going to tell the cop to leave so you two could be alone.




> I guess I kind of forgot about the police report, I didn't think it was a big deal. But apparently it was, I thought they'd at least give me a court date...but instead I just get this random letter saying I have an arrest warrant? I know this is isn't a legal advice site, but does anyone have any experience with this? She regrets this deeply, she was a wreck at the time. Could she drop the charges? Just more f'ing sh!!t I have to go through


Oh she can drop the charges, but then she'd have egg on her face. They'd now know she was full of s**t. And it would be like crying wolf next time she decides to lie.

But if you had a warrant, then why didn't the cop arrest you when she brought him over?

But I'd get an attorney NOW. To start the divorce proceedings(since you'd be nuts to want to keep her), and to tell him/her about the warrant and that she lied. Its all you can do unless you can convince her to drop charges. But you shouldn't be groveling to her anymore. Let your attorney do the talking.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Seangar said:


> She called the cops on me the day after I caught her in a hotel. She was afraid I was going to throw all of her stuff away and steal our kids. She was in panic mode...she regrets what she did and shes going to everything she can to make these charges disappear..


Going to do everything she can to make the charges disappear?

All she has to do is tell them she is dropping the charges, thats it.

Something sound fishy here.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

> Then she needs to admit to the False Reporting. Given what she did on top of the cheating I don't see how this marriage can be saved. Recovering from infidelity is hard enough without adding this. Believe me, you will feel differently when you turn yourself in and have the reality of being cuffed, searched, transported in a cruiser, fingerprinted, having your mugshot taken and booked into jail until you bond out. This will be an entry on your Record of Arrest & Prosecution (RAP) sheet.
> 
> This is the reality you're facing: even though you won't be convicted, your mugshot and fingerprints will stay in the system as your arrest record. Even though this will not be available to employers, it will be availble to law enforcement agencies and prosecutors. In the future, this may make it easier for someone to take out an RO/PO against you.
> 
> I've seen this too many times. That's why I say not enough is done to penalize people for false reporting.


That is correct. As an ex P.O. I can tell you horror stories about guys who came off probation and whos felonies were reduced to misdemeanors. They go on with their lives and then hit brick walls whenever they try to get a job. The offense may have been reduced or vacated altogether, but the booking record will always be there on the NCIC records. If you are booked into custody, the record of that never goes away and will haunt you the rest of your life.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> Going to do everything she can to make the charges disappear?
> 
> All she has to do is tell them she is dropping the charges, thats it.
> 
> Something sound fishy here.


not fishy at all

in cases of domestic violence, prosecutors still issue warrants whether she drops the charges or not. That said if she doesn't cooperate then they will have no evidence since there was no pictures or other proof and likely drop the case. If she flat out tells them she made it up then she can face charges as well.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> not fishy at all
> 
> in cases of domestic violence, prosecutors still issue warrants whether she drops the charges or not. That said if she doesn't cooperate then they will have no evidence since there was no pictures or other proof and likely drop the case. If she flat out tells them she made it up then she can face charges as well.


:iagree:

In states where they can prosecute without the victims cooperation, they still will go thru the whole process of going to court. It won't get dropped until the prosecuter is doing the roll call just before the hearings start. When they see the victim wont cooperate or isnt there, then they will drop it. There's nothing she can really do at this point except tell the prosecutor she wont testify/cooperate or not show. I've seen a few instances where the couple does show up in court, together, hand in hand. When the prosecutor saw that, she dropped the case.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Will this effect his employability now ?


For certain jobs a RAP sheet can effect employment. Not going to get specific here but I know several employers who require you to complete a questionnaire, one of the questions is "Have you ever been arrested for or convicted of a felony". If they go after him for Assault it could look bad on a record for sure. Also false responses are considered grounds for dismissal later.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Sean, you're both needlessly putting yourselves though hell. Do you honestly see a day when that memory of your drive home after your wife chose the other man is gone? what she did is pure sadism.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> not fishy at all
> 
> in cases of domestic violence, prosecutors still issue warrants whether she drops the charges or not. That said if she doesn't cooperate then they will have no evidence since there was no pictures or other proof and likely drop the case. If she flat out tells them she made it up then she can face charges as well.


The evidence is the wife's original report. All they need to do is pull up that report and that's all they'll need for a jury. Angry husband because of cheating wife, caused by years of neglect, blah, blah, blah, blah. In other words, make the husband look like a monster and I can assure you, they can get a conviction from a jury. I don't like playing Russian Roulette and this is what the OP's gonna do if he let's it go to trial.

Get a lawyer, you most likely have 2 choices

1) You take the fall for your wife (again) and have it on your record forever. In other words plead out a bargain for a lesser charge so it doesn't go to trial, you goto anger management classes, you'll never ever get your kids later on if your wife decides to D you in the future.

2) Your wife goes in and tells them the truth that she made it up in a moment of *DURESS* and she takes the fall. If she has no record and if she shows real remorse, she'll most likely get a slap on the wrist or if you catch them in a good mood that day, they can even drop all charges and just walk away from it.

If you do go and see them, take a lawyer. And do not sign anything at all unless you have a lawyer look at it. No matter how nice they act towards you or your wife.

Seangar, I have a question to you, what will you do if your wife asks you to take the fall for her on this? Not that it's gonna happen but just a what if scenario.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He can't afford a lawyer, one must be appointed for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> not fishy at all
> 
> in cases of domestic violence, prosecutors still issue warrants whether she drops the charges or not. That said if she doesn't cooperate then they will have no evidence since there was no pictures or other proof and likely drop the case. If she flat out tells them she made it up *then she can face charges as well*.


And she should. So I don't think she will do anything. If what you said is true, then she'll have to admit she lied.

Do you know, if he has to go through all this bs, and go to court even if she drops charges, and the charges get thrown out, can he take her to court for wrongful accusation?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Dexter Morgan said:


> And she should. So I don't think she will do anything. If what you said is true, then she'll have to admit she lied.
> 
> Do you know, if he has to go through all this bs, and go to court even if she drops charges, and the charges get thrown out, can he take her to court for wrongful accusation?


She can drop the charges but the DA will still have to investigate and most likely seek a prosecution to cover their own behind. If the husband is innocent he's gonna have to prove it to the DA.

And they will take it all the way because if she comes back later on and says they (the police, DA, etc) didn't do anything about her complaint (if the R sours) then she gets a fat paycheck from them for ignoring her report of alleged domestic abuse.

As for him going back after her, it becomes a he said she said ordeal and guess who usually wins out in those battles most of the time...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

well after reading this all I have to say is if you stay with this woman the its all on you.

crazy crazy crazy.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

just my opinion, but once she filed those false claims, any idea of getting back together is off the table,permantly...don't think she wouldn't pull the same stunt again,and now that there's a record of it--your screwed.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> well after reading this all I have to say is if you stay with this woman the its all on you.
> 
> crazy crazy crazy.


Agreed.

And I think one of your best defenses against this and her is to document EVERYTHING. 

Document every form of contact you have with her. Keep all emails, texts, if she calls you write down the date and time, and the content of the discussion. If at all possible, have a mini recorder handy whenever talking in person.

Get the goods on her and take her down.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

if Sean is the judge, she could get away with murder without intent


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Are the cops still looking for you?


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## lynnie21 (Apr 7, 2012)

the guy said:


> Easy now , don't piss her off until she take the fall for the hair pulling crap!



This was not a false, he did indeed pull my hair. Which seems like nothing after the things we've been through in the last two weeks, almost laughable in comparison....


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