# Text Message



## prprin5e55 (Dec 3, 2008)

About a month ago I began to feel a little insecure in my relationship of 2 years and a couple days ago after a huge fight and my significant other staying out till 4am I decided to check his texts the next day. I came across a text between him and a female co-worker. The text consisted of him telling her a small portion of our fight, mentioning things that indicated they have had previous talks about our relationship and her telling him not to call in and him replying " LOL, I wont just to see you." 

When confronted with this he insisted that this girl is very conceded and thinks the world revolves around her and everyone jokes with her like that; that they wouldn't call in because everyone wants to see her.

Here's where the big problem for me is. Out of respect for my other, I make friends with guys at work but it ends just there; at work. My relationships with these people has never given the opportunity to ask or be asked for numbers. Basically it makes me very uncomfortable to think hes either chatting on the phone or texting other girls he befriends at work.

He admited that it was inappropriate but refuses to not talk to and exchange numbers with girls from work. 

I really need some input about this. Yes I think a certain way and would never do that cause those are my morals but if I can get some advice it may just help.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

prprin5e55 said:


> He admited that it was inappropriate but refuses to not talk to and exchange numbers with girls from work.


You have to be careful how you approach him on this. I dont really think you should tell him he cant exchange numbers with girls from work. He's not going to understand how it makes you feel if you take that approach. with this approach all he hears is you are insecure and trying to control him. that will more then likely cause him to rebel against you even more. 

Instead of telling him what he can and cant do, communicate how you feel about specific behaviors, and let him make the decision on his own. Make sure you use "I feel" statements, and try never to use the word "you." Its accusatory and puts people on the defensive.


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## wantingmore (Nov 24, 2008)

prprin5e55 said:


> Here's where the big problem for me is. Out of respect for my other, I make friends with guys at work but it ends just there; at work. My relationships with these people has never given the opportunity to ask or be asked for numbers. Basically it makes me very uncomfortable to think hes either chatting on the phone or texting other girls he befriends at work.


I am going thru somewhat of the same thing and I could not agree with you more on this one!

But the above poster is right also, you have to tread carefully.
I have not asked my H to stop. I have told him how it makes me feel and the texts have slowed down. At least they are not interupting family time anymore. That is one line I drew.
Other than that, I have let it go for now. I am just taking the wait and see approach. So far nothing else has happened that has made me suspect anything more is going on.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ljtseng said:


> You have to be careful how you approach him on this. I dont really think you should tell him he cant exchange numbers with girls from work. He's not going to understand how it makes you feel if you take that approach. with this approach all he hears is you are insecure and trying to control him. that will more then likely cause him to rebel against you even more.
> 
> Instead of telling him what he can and cant do, communicate how you feel about specific behaviors, and let him make the decision on his own. Make sure you use "I feel" statements, and try never to use the word "you." Its accusatory and puts people on the defensive.


:iagree:

draconis


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I agree with what the others have said about approaching him and telling him how it makes you feel. If he knows it hurts you and continues to do it, then he is not the man for you. You will live a lifetime of him hurting you. From what you said about the content of the texting it is inappropriate. He should never share with another woman details of a fight he had with you. When he does that he is developing a relationship with another that even if platonic right now does damage your relationship. When someone is doing something wrong, they know it and they will make many excuses which include making you think you are the one making something out of nothing. A good defense is always a good offense. 

So sit down tell him how it makes you feel when he shares things aobut your relationship with these women and how sure friendships are fine but when he stays out until 4am that really is more than just exchanging a few messages. If you approach him right (don't start your sentences with "you" start them with "I") and he is non-receptive, then its time to move on, as hard as that may be.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I want to add one more thing. Several months ago my husband began texting another woman a lot. She was a friend of both of ours and sat for our kids so a few texts were legit. When I saw 500-600 per month I got upset and I told him how it made me feel. He agreed to stop completely and did for awhile. Then last summer it picked up again, and turned in to a full fledged affair. I knew the texting started again and said nothing. 

My one regret is I should have put my foot down hard and told him that I was leaving if he continued. I let it go and it escalated. If I had it to do over again, I would have called him out on this behavior and stood up for myself. 

I'm not suggesting you do that now, but don't be a doormat. I let him and this woman and other friends treat me terribly. I learned something and I will never let that happen again. We have repaired our marriage and he knows as sure as the sun will come up, that I am a much stronger person and he could never get away with that behavior again. Ironically, this change in my character reignited something we had a long time ago and he talks about how my change in character and being strong are what attracts him the most to me. 

We are doing well today. I feel much better about who I am today than where I was when this all began. Some food for thought.


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