# Snoring



## frenchtoast (Feb 24, 2014)

hello everybody, 
Could really use some advice. My husband has a horrible snoring problem. I tried everything I can think of on my end. I've tried ear plugs, sleeping pills and going to bed before him. Nothing seems to help. 

We have been married about four years now and the issues are probably happen six out of seven nights. I end playing musical beds trying to find a quiet place to sleep. I also deal with health problems that have me very fatigued to begin with so sleep is very important. 

Last year I finally talked him to seeing a doctor. The doctor suggested losing weight and nasal spray. As of now he hasn't lost any weight and the bottle of nasal spray is still full.As of now he hasn't lost any weight and the bottle of nasal spray The doctor also suggested I watch my husbands breathing. As it turns out my husband does stop breathing while he sleeping. This would lead me to believe he has sleep apnea But I'm not a doctor. I video take my husband sleeping and showed it to him and his response was to get angry . Again this was a year ago and he hasn't been back to the doctor since. I made other suggestions to him such as chinstrapes but he won't even give it a try.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and ordered myself a new bed for our spare bedroom. He has been making little snide remakes and has been making me feel guilty about this. 

I'm really frustrated at this point and at a loss of what to do. Any advice would be great. Dealing with Lupus and interrupted sleep just doesn't work. I feel he's being unfair to guilt me. Your thoughts?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

He should make an effort to fix the problem. No one likes to be told they have a problem but it's more than HIS problem, it impacts you and therefore your marriage. I know a couple that makes separate bedrooms work but I would think it would ruin sexual spontaneity and that feeling of closeness that comes from sharing a bed.

You should tell him you won't feel guilty for wanting to feel your best every day and that you won't return to the marital bed until he addresses the problem. You may need to tell him that the video wasn't made to embarrass him but to show him that he really does stop breathing and that's HUGE. Make it about health for both of you - losing weight and eliminating snoring will be beneficial for both of you. I bet if he ever had a good night's sleep he might change his tune but that's putting the cart before the horse.

I can't offer any more - I am asleep within 5 minutes of hitting the bed and I can sleep through anything - although my ex did snore a bit and I could nudge him and he'd roll over and we'd both go right back to sleep. It wasn't often.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

This is a band-aid approach, but I ordered a white noise machine. Marpac Natural White Noise Sound Machine. It was recommended by the National Sleep Foundation.

I had always used a fan for the noise, but this little device (plug in) is about the size of two fists and you can put in on the nightstand next to the bed. You can adjust the sound, although I keep it on max all the time.

I found this device when I went to my doctor's office. They had them in each room to drown out the sound from other rooms for privacy.

Amazon sells it for $50. It is also portable so that you can easily move to another room or pack in suitcase for a trip.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

frenchtoast said:


> hello everybody,
> Could really use some advice. My husband has a horrible snoring problem. I tried everything I can think of on my end. I've tried ear plugs, sleeping pills and going to bed before him. Nothing seems to help.
> 
> We have been married about four years now and the issues are probably happen six out of seven nights. I end playing musical beds trying to find a quiet place to sleep. I also deal with health problems that have me very fatigued to begin with so sleep is very important.
> ...


You could be my wife, except for the health issues. I've snored my whole life and it's been an intermittent problem for my wife for a long time. Like your husband, at first I didn't really see it as my problem but it eventually sunk in that my snoring was affecting my entire relationship with my wife. When I was my worst, I would often go sleep on the couch because my wife is such a light sleeper, but over time we both figured out that this was sort of driving a wedge between us. What we've done to minimize things is to have a strong fan going in our bedroom for white noise. 

I've also had to take ownership for the physical snoring problem, so I've visited an ear/nose/throat guy (who interestingly said I have a deviated septum - not sure how that ever happened) and got recommended for a pillar procedure that I never ended up going through with. The reason for that is that a dentist friend offered to make a snoring appliance for my mouth that when used with the appropriate bands sets my lower jaw forward a little bit and lessens the snoring. For me it doesn't eliminate it completely as there are still times when I snore and my wife lets me know, but I don't hit the couch anymore.

One thing I know exacerbates the problem is drinking alcohol before going to bed, so I try to keep that to a minimum although I do like a good beer after dinner. I've also seen other websites that recommend not eating anything after a certain time in the evening because some foods can make snoring worse. As somebody else mentioned, keeping my weight in check is also something I focus on, and my wife appreciates that not just when snoring is the issue. :wink2:

If it ever gets to the point again where I'm making my wife's life miserable, then I'll probably have a sleep study done and take whatever measures are recommended.

So frenchtoast, it seems like your husband is a really inconsiderate of the things you're going through now with his snoring. Since he seems to be a bit of a self-centered azz about how it's affecting you, maybe you need to try to make it more about how his snoring is affecting him. Focus on his health and how sleep apnea is a huge problem healthwise for him, and tell him that you don't want anything to happen to him if his sleep apnea continues. 

Does your husband have any friends/relatives that he trusts? Perhaps you could have a trusted friend or relative suggest he do something about his snoring - that wouldn't have the same emotional impact as you asking him to do something, so he might be more likely to listen to somebody else. Good luck.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Breathe Rite strips can help a bit. I didn't think I had allergies but taking a Claritin (not Claritin-D) helped. But what really worked was losing weight. (I still take the Claritin too.)


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Why is he so angry with you he won't try those remedies? Or has he tried them and already knows they don't work? I know for me they make it better but never totally eliminate the problem
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Why would someone not want to fix something like that? I would think that if you were awake at night being loud and waking him, he wouldn't be too happy with it and he would tell you to stop whatever it is you were doing. 

I get that he can't just turn it off, but omg - go to the damn dr and try to fix it at least!! Some people just don't care, I guess. 

Tell him you won't feel guilty though. You shouldn't. He hasn't attempted to even remotely try to fix the issue. He went to the Dr who told him what to try first....he didn't do it. Who knows if it would have worked or not?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm a big man, and whenever I pack on too many pounds I start snoring badly too. I have thinned out some over the last few years and I don't have a problem with it anymore. It is definitely a weight related issue with me. 

But I had a worse problem: sleep apnea. Apnea can kill. It is dangerous, and if you have not done so you need to get your husband to a sleep clinic and have him tested. If he does have it, they can prescribe a CPAP machine that he can wear at night that will keep his airway open. But it doesn't help with the noise problem. He will go from snoring to sounding like Darth Vader. 

Sleep apnea killed a friend of mine three years ago. He was my age (45) and we grew up together. One morning his wife woke up next to him and he was stone-cold dead. He had simply stopped breathing in the middle of the night and suffocated. 

If he snorts and stops breathing for a short time, then gasps and starts breathing and snoring again...that is a sure display of apnea. Except, one night he may not start breathing again. Then, instead of talking to us on TAM, or talking to a divorce lawyer, you will be talking to a mortician about the best coffin to buy.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

He needs to have the sleep study done where he stays overnight at a clinic and they put electrodes on him and measure how he sleeps. Then, he goes again and they do the same thing using a CPAP machine. My husband did this. He feels SO Much better. It changed BOTH of our lives. Even with mild sleep apnea it makes a difference. Yes, he sleeps with the mask on every night and it goes with us when we travel. The first two weeks he used it I woke up because it was so quiet.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You have Lupus, you need sleep. It is vitally important for your health. Your H like has sleep apnea, his Dr. should have sent him for a sleep study. You shouldn't let your H guilt you into sleeping in the same room. Perhaps you sleeping in the spare room will push him to get this treated.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

frenchtoast said:


> hello everybody,
> Could really use some advice. My husband has a horrible snoring problem. I tried everything I can think of on my end. I've tried ear plugs, sleeping pills and going to bed before him. Nothing seems to help.


Have you tried gel-based ear plugs? My wife occasionally snores and I was really searching for a solution. These ear plugs completely eliminate all human sound.


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## frenchtoast (Feb 24, 2014)

I would like to thank everyone for the advice. I don't blame him for the snoring I know he can't control it. What I do blame him is for the guilt he is placing on me. 

I do plan on sleeping in the spare bedroom from here on out til something can get worked out. I do wonder how much his weight plays a role in all this. He is right around six feet tall and is about 240 pounds. His weight has never been a issue for me but when I reminded him the doctor suggest it might help he blew it off. According to him he snored his whole life even when he was thin. Think that's another thing that really bothers me is he refuses to even try things that might help.

This did cause a fight between us this week so I'm hoping he might open his eyes and call the doctor again. As far as a family member or friend talking to him sounds great but he would just get irritated with me for discussing his problems. He got upset when I told him I was talking to my adult daughter about it.

All I know is four years is enough. I need my sleep just as much as him if not more do to my Lupus. 

Thanks again everyone.


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## frenchtoast (Feb 24, 2014)

And yes I've tried many different types of ear plugs and even sleep with the fan running on high....no help


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

His BMI is better than mine. 
My brother stopped snoring when he had his deviated septum fixed. I used to fall to sleep to his almost snore when we were kids. It's kind of spooky now.
Sleep Apnea is a serious condition.
It is too bad he doesn't view your move as a wake up call to take the doctor seriously.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> As it turns out my husband does stop breathing while he sleeping. This would lead me to believe he has sleep apnea But I'm not a doctor. I video take my husband sleeping and showed it to him and his response was to get angry . Again this was a year ago and he hasn't been back to the doctor since.


Yes, your husband has sleep apnea. Even if he gets angry, keep talking to him about going to a doctor because you don't want his sleep apnea to kill him.

Would he read information about sleep apnea? Maybe you could ask his doctor's office to email some information about it.

If he were refusing to go the dentist for a broken tooth, or were refusing to go to the doctor after stepping on a nail and getting infected, you would keep on him right? Do the same for his sleep apnea.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

This worked for me on a 10 hour plane flight:

I downloaded free white noise apps. Picked the oscillating fan noise. Used the ear buds and put the volume on fairly high. Plugged in the phone so it stayed charged the whole flight. 

***********

While i type this wife is snoring and the dog is snoring, and i have the white noise machine about 18 inches from my head. It is doing it's job. Much better than fan, which i have used for decades. 

Btw. I snore much worse than wife and i am thin.


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

I feel for you. My husband snores and sometimes even the dog comes and sleeps on the couch with me. He refuses to do anything about it along with anything else that's wrong with him I am lucky I fit on the couch:smile2:


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

frenchtoast said:


> hello everybody,
> Could really use some advice. My husband has a horrible snoring problem. I tried everything I can think of on my end. I've tried ear plugs, sleeping pills and going to bed before him. Nothing seems to help.
> 
> We have been married about four years now and the issues are probably happen six out of seven nights. I end playing musical beds trying to find a quiet place to sleep. I also deal with health problems that have me very fatigued to begin with so sleep is very important.
> ...


I know it sounds like a big step but if you have health insurance have your husband go for a sleep study for sleep apnea. I snore. I went for a sleep study and it turns out I was stopped breathing several times in a minute. Sleep apnea is dangerous. I now use a cpap machine and it's changed my life for the better! I sleep with it every night. I hope this helps.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

kindMe77 said:


> I know it sounds like a big step but if you have health insurance have your husband go for a sleep study for sleep apnea. I snore. I went for a sleep study and it turns out I was stopped breathing several times in a minute. Sleep apnea is dangerous. I now use a cpap machine and it's changed my life for the better! I sleep with it every night. I hope this helps.


When I had my study done, I stopped breathing 132 times in six hours. They also discovered I had night terrors, and told me that these are also related to apnea. It all comes from the same malfunctioning part of the autonomic nervous system. 

I have never known what a good night's sleep is. It is foreign to me.


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> When I had my study done, I stopped breathing 132 times in six hours. They also discovered I had night terrors, and told me that these are also related to apnea. It all comes from the same malfunctioning part of the autonomic nervous system.
> 
> I have never known what a good night's sleep is. It is foreign to me.


Do you use a cpap machine? It works! I used it every night. It's helped me a lot. People say the mask is hard to use. It's mind over matter. For me it's no problem.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

kindMe77 said:


> Do you use a cpap machine? It works! I used it every night. It's helped me a lot. People say the mask is hard to use. It's mind over matter. For me it's no problem.


I did for about a year. Then I lost a lot of weight and my apnea diminished, but I still have the machine in my closet. The first few nights wearing it were hard but after a while I got used to it.


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

The noise machines are worth a shot. Walmart sells one for under $20 . It has white noise, rain storm, beach sounds , stream, summer night in the country ( crickets etc ) but it you think he has a sleep disorder , it needs to be checked out


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> But I had a worse problem: sleep apnea. Apnea can kill.


It sure can, if it leads to snoring and your partner finally can't take it any more.


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