# Rewards for a WS?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I just found out my cheating friend's husband is taking her on a cruise. 

He is trying to change his ways and give his WS more attention.

Does this ever work or does it breed resentment? My wayward friend is making her husband jump through hoops and she feels she deserves it because he was a terrible husband.

She is still on the fence about R.

I told her I felt she was wrong unless she is committed to R.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Any chance your friend's husband knows about TAM? (From what he is doing, I know the chance is slim.)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Rugs said:


> I just found out my cheating friend's husband is taking her on a cruise.
> 
> He is trying to change his ways and give his WS more attention.
> 
> ...


It can breed a sense of entitlement in the WS.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Yes, WS feels it was his fault for her affair. He has no idea what to do. He just can't see who she really is. She is very manipulative. 

He knows about TAM but I don't think has bothered to check it out.

It's painful to see. I just wonder if it ever works. Maybe he will be happy jumping through hoops and she will be happy getting him to jump.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Rugs said:


> Yes, WS feels it was his fault for her affair. He has no idea what to do. He just can't see who she really is. She is very manipulative.
> 
> He knows about TAM but I don't think has bothered to check it out.
> 
> It's painful to see. I just wonder if it ever works. Maybe he will be happy jumping through hoops and she will be happy getting him to jump.


Sounds like they both need to come here. If your friend's BH thinks this cruise is going to help repair the damage he's wasting his time and money.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Tell the husband to come here and introduce himself. The queen doesn't need to know. In fact she must NOT know her husband is here.

I don't know about the waywards, but can't think of a better reward for a betrayed than to be in TAM.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

It is common for men who stray to be extra nice to their wives. This makes them not suspect a thing and it's exactly the purpose. Unfortunately when it hits them, it hits them hard, because they would never even think of it. 

I don't know if "rewards" is how the WS views it. Most likely a price to pay for covering their mess. Like " I have to buy this necklace for my wife, I've been late last night, let her not suspect something ". 
It is a tactic used by experienced cheaters, along with knowledge how to cover their absence, how to buy and use a burner phone and email, and even how to use a VAR and hidden camera detector.

I find that just a smaller category of WS buy gifts and give attention out of remorse. If there was remorse, or enough of it, they would confess and/ or end the A. 
No, it's just a calculated action. 

After the R, the "rewards" may be out of true repentence, showering the BS with the attention they've been deprived of. Or they may do it to buy their forgiveness : " see, you're my wife, look how I treat you, look the lifestyle I offer you - think twice before you leave me, I'm such a catch " - some sense of entitlement may add to the mix. 

Problem is to distinguish the WS' motivation for being " reward" nice. And that is not easy. When are they sincere, and when are not...all situations differ.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Hortensia said:


> It is common for men who stray to be extra nice to their wives. This makes them not suspect a thing and it's exactly the purpose. Unfortunately when it hits them, it hits them hard, because they would never even think of it.
> 
> I don't know if "rewards" is how the WS views it. Most likely a price to pay for covering their mess. Like " I have to buy this necklace for my wife, I've been late last night, let her not suspect something ".
> It is a tactic used by experienced cheaters, along with knowledge how to cover their absence, how to buy and use a burner phone and email, and even how to use a VAR and hidden camera detector.
> ...



In this case, the BH is providing the "rewards" not the wayward.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

That crap just doesn't work.
Come on we all know that being the bestest spouse ever is the wrong path.


Its the worst cheater police member that gets true remorse from the wayward...I mean if the wayward can really handle the sh1t the betrayed dishes out then the wayward may really mean " I'll do anything to make it work"!!!!

I'm thinking were are the phucking consequences for ripping my heart out and betraying me in the worst possible way???? And I'm not talking divorce..I'm talking about a betrayed owning their BS and take whats coming to them to save the marriage.

I'm wired different then most...my thinking is chain the betrayed up (figuritivly speaking) for a while and see if the really mean "I'll do anything to make it work"

But then again if this cruise is on a slave ship then I'm all for it.

At the end of the day folks this poor SOB is asking for more of the same... years down the road...I know I have been down this road before.

If any one gets a reward its the betrayed and that reward should be complete submission from the wayward for keeping their cheating @ss around.

Your friend needs a 2x4 upside their head!!!!!
If a betrayed wants any real respect from the wayward...a costly chastady belt and a year in cheater prison is one way for a wayward to own their crap and face their sentence...


I mean after all "I'll do anything to save this marriage " should mean just that????


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

If you can send an anonymous letter to him, to let him know about TAM, the 180 and how the affair is her fault and her choice.

If she does not show remorse, he should file.


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

The way you make this sound it could be a swingles cruise in a heartbeat! Maybe the change of scenery will do them good. Who knows....Are you jealous you aren't getting to go?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Rugs said:


> Yes, WS feels it was his fault for her affair. He has no idea what to do. He just can't see who she really is. She is very manipulative.
> 
> He knows about TAM but I don't think has bothered to check it out.
> 
> It's painful to see. I just wonder if it ever works. Maybe he will be happy jumping through hoops and she will be happy getting him to jump.


Man. its gotta be painful when your in the "know" and your friend continues to be managed by his old lady!

One more thing...it pisses me off when poster generalize and are gender specific.
My chick did the same crap some of the wayward husbands did or are doing to the betrayed lady folks here at TAM.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bamzor said:


> The way you make this sound it could be a swingles cruise in a heartbeat! Maybe the change of scenery will do them good. Who knows....Are you jealous you aren't getting to go?


your phucking kidding...right?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Rugs said:


> In this case, the BH is providing the "rewards" not the wayward.


:scratchhead:


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My cake-eating friend IS the cheater. I have spoken to her and her husband. 

I don't even like her husband but I told him about TAM forums and wrote down a few book titles for him. 

They are in MC and IC.

The affair is still going on and he knows it.

I have basically walked away because they are both toxic to me at this point. 

In some ways, I think they are both enjoying the drama.

I just see this poor guy looking like a fool and wondering if this has ever worked for anyone. But basically, I keep hearing "no" you can't.

Seems like a waste of time and money and soooo frustrating.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

the guy said:


> :scratchhead:


YES, I know. Fvcked up for sure. :scratchhead:


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

When my dad found out about my mom's affair he took her to Hawaii during father's day week. 

The broken mind of a BS can never be understood. Its only trumped by the twisted mind of the WS.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

I think there's a question that creeps in to your mind when you find out. It's "Why did they do it? My fault or theirs?" 

In some minds it can get twisted to become self blame. You can begin to think "I wasn't attractive enough, I didn't give them enough sex or love or attention." 

That answer is wrong of course. 

The correct answer is: They cheated because they wanted to, because your marriage, kids, family, whatever meant less to them than a few rolls in the hay. 

Answering the question this way puts the blame in the proper place.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bamzor said:


> The way you make this sound it could be a swingles cruise in a heartbeat! Maybe the change of scenery will do them good. Who knows....Are you jealous you aren't getting to go?


:wtf: :bsflag:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tainted said:


> When my dad found out about my mom's affair he took her to Hawaii during father's day week.
> 
> The broken mind of a BS can never be understood. Its only trumped by the twisted mind of the WS.


Speaking of broken mind, what are the stats on fatalities on cruise ships? Is it only reported to the port of call and at that a missing person report?

If a body can't be found and no evidence of being thrown or jumped off a cruise ship then what is the SOP?

@Rugs, you cheating friend might be in danger, but then again what kind of friend does one keep around that cheats on her old man?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Take her on a cruise and leave her there.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

tainted said:


> The broken mind of a BS can never be understood. Its only trumped by the twisted mind of the WS.


Couldn't have said it better myself.



Rugs said:


> I have basically walked away because they are both toxic to me at this point.


Good idea.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Rugs, you have to admit you tried, you offered cheap, no cost group counseling and it was dismissed.
Hell you did what you could and it was ignored.
Toxic is one way to put it..how about stupidity?
Put then again i wasnlt any different before d-day!

Lets just say you planted a seed, lets pray it grows and the newest thread in CWI is "guy went on cruise with cheating wife"

I think I got that right, your "friend" (a chick) is screwing around on her old man and her old man took her on a cruise????

I still think the betrayed throws the cheater over board, but I watch to much TV!


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Rugs said:


> I just found out my cheating friend's husband is taking her on a cruise.
> 
> He is trying to change his ways and give his WS more attention.
> 
> ...


get better friends. I used to have a POS friend, until I realized it was a POS friend. If they will do this to their spouse, what do you think they would do to you?
Honestly, I think you are aiding her behavior by not telling her she is trash and you are not interested in talking to her any longer. Just my opinion.
Her H will not win this battle, doubt they get off the boat without her flirting with a guy on the boat. People as entitled as she are filth.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Rugs said:


> My cake-eating friend IS the cheater. I have spoken to her and her husband.
> 
> I don't even like her husband but I told him about TAM forums and wrote down a few book titles for him.
> 
> ...




MC while she is still having the affair... what a waste of money and time.

Glad to see you are dumping your friends. You don't need that crap in your life.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

If you've been on this site for years and looked at these hundreds of stories weekly then frankly no

If their marriage is, shall we say, a 'cruise', with her attitude and his walking on eggshells and fear, it will get to the bottom of the ocean quicker than the Titanic

While he hopes she'll 'come round' by showing her even more love and even 'taking the blame' !! She'll eat him up like the female spider she is 

Absolutely zero chance 

None


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

tainted said:


> When my dad found out about my mom's affair he took her to Hawaii during father's day week.
> 
> The broken mind of a BS can never be understood. Its only trumped by the twisted mind of the WS.


I think Western Society is bent on the belief that every bad thing that happens to us is deserved because of our behavior and beliefs.

Think of all the people who directly believe in "The Secret" or something like it. That is, if you have a negative thought and it happens, well baby, you brought it on yourself.


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