# Wife says she dont enjoy sex as much as me



## plentybutnone (Mar 10, 2011)

I dont understand it I have tried many things to interest my wife in sex. No i dont have to beg or plead for sex she just dont have the fire (and she knows it). Any advice from the ladies (and guys) on how to bring her around. This is not a new thing. We have been married for 12 years.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You don't give many details, so it's hard to give any advice. What is your sex life like? Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, do you make a point of ladies first, etc? Are you comfortable that you're doing what you can to give her pleasure? Have you talked about fantasies and things she might like to try? Have you ruled out any medical issues? Is she on birth control? What are your schedules like (do you just have 30 minutes between kid bedtime and grown-up bed time)? Was your sex life ever great, and it's declined over time? Have you made a point to really try to connect, emotionally first and then sexually? How old are you both? Could she have self esteem issues (has she gained weight over the years, etc)?

C


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## plentybutnone (Mar 10, 2011)

Our sex life was great at the beginning. Sex is very important to me. No I dont do Wham Bam Thank you Ma'am. I believe in the womens pleasure. Yes she has been to the DR. nothing wrong. she is on BC. we are in the mid 30's. I have talked to her about it. We connect great on a personal level, we enjoy each others company, but it is just like she is just doing her wifely duty. I dont under stand it. We have plenty of time, when kids are not around.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

you want to be wanted sexually, she wants to be wanted in other ways. classic standoff likely


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I agree with okeydokie. Check out language of love quizes. Find out what makes HER feel loved. Then make eachother feel loved. This might be as simple as doing an extra 2 hours of chores b/c its very important to her and then she is more interested in you.

I don't do an extra 2-4 hours of chores a week because I really like to. I do them because it makes my wife feel loved and she is more interested in me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's human, so unless somethings broken, she loves sex. Sex to men is like microwave food while to women, it's more of crock pot fare. Turn up the heat so gradually she doesn't know you're making a meal. They love cuddling and intimacy as long as it's not obvious their guy is only after tang. They love touching and attention. Perfect the art of the tease. Don't think of making love to her as something that involves a vagina and a penis and happens in the bedroom at the end of the day. It happens all day and 99% has nothing to do with genitals.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Has she always been like this? If, so then you married her knowing this. I guess you had hoped she would change. 

If she wasn't always like this and she did change, then you need to figure out what the change is. Was it having kids? Her priorities maybe are no longer #1 on the sex list? Medication she is on? Could be a number of things. Communication is the key.


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## Silhouette (Mar 8, 2011)

plentybutnone said:


> she is on BC. we are in the mid 30's. I have talked to her about it. We connect great on a personal level, we enjoy each others company, but it is just like she is just doing her wifely duty. I dont under stand it. We have plenty of time, when kids are not around.


BC can mess with hormones. Is she orgasming each and every time?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

+1 on the birth control thing... In my case, the effectiveness of the BC was boosted by the drop in my wife's desire to have sex.  Unfortunately, she was on it for reasons other than strictly BC, and wasn't willing to talk to her doctor about other options. 

I was in a similar situation to you, and never did figure out a way out of it. When we had sex, it was really good. She said it was good. I would focus on her, and make sure she enjoyed it. Tried to explore any fantasies or things she wanted to try, got nothing to work with. Brought toys in the bedroom to try spicing things up, nothing. She would always have an orgasm, usually a couple (and more were available if she wanted). But once a week to once a month was her comfort zone.

In the end, I'm attributing it at least partially to the fact that she grew up in a household that stifled any fostering of physical intimacy. I don't think she ever learned how to pleasure herself, and that carried forward into adulthood. So sex was just never that much of a priority to her. The self esteem was also an issue in our case... She never had high self esteem in the first place, even though I would tell her how attractive and beautiful she was. And then I lost a bunch of the weight I had put on over the last 20 years (we both had), and that really seemed to kill things. We ended up being more friends/roommates than lovers. Comfortable with each other, hugs and kisses hello and goodbye, holding hands as we drove or walked, but no sex.

Good luck! When you talked to her about it, what did she say?

C


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