# Contraception



## BatmanX (4 d ago)

Hi all,
First time poster to this excellent forum, wish I had found it sooner.
I wanted to see what married couples are using for birth control. Like all (most?) men, I hate condoms. My wife does not like birth control pills as it messes with her hormones too much, which pretty much means we have to use condoms. Now I do get to enter without one but then we have to stop and put one on before I finish which I also hate doing. It seems my wife feels no difference with or without a condom so there is no down side for her, only an upside as she does not have any cleanup. For me (and most men I guess?) wearing a condom takes something away from the sex and it just does not feel as good. Spoke to my wife a couple of times about having a vasectomy but she’s not really onboard with it mostly due to the cleanup from what I can gather. So no point in doing that if she still wants me to wear a condom. So, wanted to see what others are doing as I’m assuming I’m not the only one in this kind of situation. Do I just stick with the condoms and deal with it or do I look further into getting the vasectomy in the hope that we can lose the condoms?


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## mwise003 (1 mo ago)

She doesn't want a vasectomy because of the cleanup? That's pretty selfish. If you are done having kids or don't want kids, a vasectomy is the obvious answer. I had 2. 

In the interim, I'd recommend trying Trojans Natural Lamb condoms. They don't protect against STDs but do against pregnancy. I've had several instances where I thought the condom broke because it felt so real! They are expensive, however.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

A vasectomy will work for birth control, but why bother if she hates the mess and insists on a condom anyway? I'd be very put off by her attitude; I hope you have a fantastic relationship otherwise!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

BatmanX said:


> Hi all,
> First time poster to this excellent forum, wish I had found it sooner.
> I wanted to see what married couples are using for birth control. Like all (most?) men, I hate condoms. My wife does not like birth control pills as it messes with her hormones too much, which pretty much means we have to use condoms. Now I do get to enter without one but then we have to stop and put one on before I finish which I also hate doing. It seems my wife feels no difference with or without a condom so there is no down side for her, only an upside as she does not have any cleanup. For me (and most men I guess?) wearing a condom takes something away from the sex and it just does not feel as good. Spoke to my wife a couple of times about having a vasectomy but she’s not really onboard with it mostly due to the cleanup from what I can gather. So no point in doing that if she still wants me to wear a condom. So, wanted to see what others are doing as I’m assuming I’m not the only one in this kind of situation. Do I just stick with the condoms and deal with it or do I look further into getting the vasectomy in the hope that we can lose the condoms?


This isn't about BC in my opinion. It is about your wife not wanting you to ejaculate inside her. You need to figure that one out. Do you have kids?

Do you realize that putting it on before you finish puts her at risk of pregnancy? There can be sperm in pre-cum. 

We've used a condom maybe twice in the 35 years I've been with my wife. She hates the feel of them, she wants to feel me. She doesn't want me to feel like a dildo. She also wants me to ejaculate inside her. It seems really sad that your wife can't be bothered with the cleanup. As for that, I help with the cleaning my wife up after were done. I don't think it is a big ask to ejaculate in your wife. 

Your options if she doesn't want your ejaculate inside her are condoms and pulling out. I would say get the vasectomy and lose the condoms.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Your wife sounds like mine when it comes to ejaculate. She hates bodily fluids. Does your wife immediately go to the bathroom after sex? If so most of the cleanup should be taken care of then. 

I’m could be a control thing though. Why won’t she consider you getting a vasectomy otherwise?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Before the birth of our daughter we did not use birth control. We had to work at her becoming pregnant, possibly from my having low sperm count. We abstained for a week and we were successful.

My wife had a difficult pregnancy and cesarean section to deliver so she had her tubes tied. We dealt with the mess.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

I had a vasectomy long before I was married due to medical treatments I was undergoing and long term effects on the little swimmers. So, neither my ex-wife nor my wife ever had a need for BC since they'd been with me. Both of them had an IUD anyway because they didn't want to get their period and it worked out well for them.

Doesn't help your problem at all if cleanup is an issue with your wife, however.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

BatmanX said:


> Hi all,
> First time poster to this excellent forum, wish I had found it sooner.
> I wanted to see what married couples are using for birth control. Like all (most?) men, I hate condoms. My wife does not like birth control pills as it messes with her hormones too much, which pretty much means we have to use condoms. Now I do get to enter without one but then we have to stop and put one on before I finish which I also hate doing. It seems my wife feels no difference with or without a condom so there is no down side for her, only an upside as she does not have any cleanup. For me (and most men I guess?) wearing a condom takes something away from the sex and it just does not feel as good. Spoke to my wife a couple of times about having a vasectomy but she’s not really onboard with it mostly due to the cleanup from what I can gather. So no point in doing that if she still wants me to wear a condom. So, wanted to see what others are doing as I’m assuming I’m not the only one in this kind of situation. Do I just stick with the condoms and deal with it or do I look further into getting the vasectomy in the hope that we can lose the condoms?


This has nothing to with BC, this has to do with control.
You have to decide if you are going to play the game or not.
If not, act accordingly.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Since she doesn’t like the mess and doesn’t want to deal with it, there’s really no discussion. Even if you get a vasectomy she’ll still make you wear a condom or make you pull out and finish somewhere that’s not her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I would just tell her YOU will be doing the cleanup. If that means putting a couple towels down and then you taking them to the washer right afterward, so be it. I'd also bring a towel for her to use on herself. 

She is icked out by the fluids. And some people have more than others. I knew a girl in college living with a guy who would shoot all the way to the ceiling of her place, and then he never offered to be the one up on a ladder cleaning it up, so it was always her. What's not to love?


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I hate condoms, we used them maybe three times in 26 years being together. My wife was on pill before kids were born. Then we used pull out method for almost a decade while she gave birth and was breastfeeding our three kids. After we were done with kids she got non hormonal IUD.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

BatmanX said:


> Hi all,
> First time poster to this excellent forum, wish I had found it sooner.
> I wanted to see what married couples are using for birth control. Like all (most?) men, I hate condoms. My wife does not like birth control pills as it messes with her hormones too much, which pretty much means we have to use condoms. Now I do get to enter without one but then we have to stop and put one on before I finish which I also hate doing. It seems my wife feels no difference with or without a condom so there is no down side for her, only an upside as she does not have any cleanup. For me (and most men I guess?) wearing a condom takes something away from the sex and it just does not feel as good. Spoke to my wife a couple of times about having a vasectomy but she’s not really onboard with it mostly due to the cleanup from what I can gather. So no point in doing that if she still wants me to wear a condom. So, wanted to see what others are doing as I’m assuming I’m not the only one in this kind of situation. Do I just stick with the condoms and deal with it or do I look further into getting the vasectomy in the hope that we can lose the condoms?


This sounds more like controlling you than controlling birth to me.

How long have you been married?
How many kids?
Is this a new complaint from your wife? Or has she been anti-cleanup your entire relationship?

There are more options than condoms and the pill these days.
male and female surgical options (vasectomy, tubal ligation)
diaphragm
contraceptive sponge
vaginal ring
skin patch
injection
hormonal and non-hormonal IUD
implant


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some women find fluids extremely gross. Sadly, you married one. Ask her if she expects you to wear condoms the rest of your life — my guess is she’ll say yes but at least you’ll know how it’s going to be.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

BatmanX said:


> Hi all,
> First time poster to this excellent forum, wish I had found it sooner.
> I wanted to see what married couples are using for birth control. Like all (most?) men, I hate condoms. My wife does not like birth control pills as it messes with her hormones too much, which pretty much means we have to use condoms. Now I do get to enter without one but then we have to stop and put one on before I finish which I also hate doing. It seems my wife feels no difference with or without a condom so there is no down side for her, only an upside as she does not have any cleanup. For me (and most men I guess?) wearing a condom takes something away from the sex and it just does not feel as good. Spoke to my wife a couple of times about having a vasectomy but she’s not really onboard with it mostly due to the cleanup from what I can gather. So no point in doing that if she still wants me to wear a condom. So, wanted to see what others are doing as I’m assuming I’m not the only one in this kind of situation. Do I just stick with the condoms and deal with it or do I look further into getting the vasectomy in the hope that we can lose the condoms?


I'm going to be real interested in your answers/responses to the questions so far.

The first big question is whether you want any/more children. If the answer is no, and you are pretty sure that you won't be having any by another woman (due to divorce or widowhood and then remarried), then get the vasectomy. The reason for this is that it has a much lower rate of failure than condoms do. MUCH lower. That issue needs to be considered outside of any other reason to use a condom. BTW, as mentioned by someone else. If you do not start with the condom before the first penetration, then your risk just shot WAY up.

Once that issue is settled, then you two need to discuss the reasons to wear a condom. And you need to keep it honest. Like many other things, a condom is not only for BC purposes. Clean up ease is a very valid use of them. The good news is that the BC aspect of a condom can expire but the condom itself is still good for the clean up aspect.

What is the wife's issue with the "clean up"? What is she considering that to be? While you both may use the term, unless you have already talked about this, she might be thinking one thing and you something different. Make sure you two are on the same page with definitions. What differs with her post sex routine when you wear a condom, as opposed to when you don't? Can there be a compromise where sometimes you do and sometimes you don't?

The answers to mine and other's questions can possibility help to narrow down a solution.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If you’re actually using it for birth control you need to be careful when you put them on (no prejac on the outside) and you need to put it on first.

I can’t imagine not being able to go to completion inside raw with your wife, something seems wrong there.


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## duongvatgia247 (4 d ago)

My wife and I chose to have my vasectomy after we had 2 kids. I feel good and comfortable with this way


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

BatmanX said:


> Hi all,
> First time poster to this excellent forum, wish I had found it sooner.
> I wanted to see what married couples are using for birth control. Like all (most?) men, I hate condoms. My wife does not like birth control pills as it messes with her hormones too much, which pretty much means we have to use condoms. Now I do get to enter without one but then we have to stop and put one on before I finish which I also hate doing. It seems my wife feels no difference with or without a condom so there is no down side for her, only an upside as she does not have any cleanup. For me (and most men I guess?) wearing a condom takes something away from the sex and it just does not feel as good. Spoke to my wife a couple of times about having a vasectomy but she’s not really onboard with it mostly due to the cleanup from what I can gather. So no point in doing that if she still wants me to wear a condom. So, wanted to see what others are doing as I’m assuming I’m not the only one in this kind of situation. Do I just stick with the condoms and deal with it or do I look further into getting the vasectomy in the hope that we can lose the condoms?


We've been exactly the same for since we've been together (25 years).

Although recently the talk has been about me getting a vasectomy. My Wifes friend recently commented whilst we we're on holiday that it's so much better not using a condom and more spontaneous with not having to start then stop etc. 

I don't want anymore kids, my only concern is that with my Wife the routine has always been I come first, then I go down on her. So if there's no condom it's going to mean I'll be eating my own you know what!

On odd time it's been the other way around my Wife's been sensitive after orgasm so she just wants me to come as quickly as possible after it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

BIL310 said:


> We've been exactly the same for since we've been together (25 years).
> 
> Although recently the talk has been about me getting a vasectomy. My Wifes friend recently commented whilst we we're on holiday that it's so much better not using a condom and more spontaneous with not having to start then stop etc.
> 
> ...


There's nothing actually wrong with that other than your own personal hang-up. You can overcome that if you want.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The so called mess is the proof of the pudding.
That her man enjoyed the ride.


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## mwise003 (1 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I would just tell her YOU will be doing the cleanup. If that means putting a couple towels down and then you taking them to the washer right afterward, so be it. I'd also bring a towel for her to use on herself.
> 
> She is icked out by the fluids. And some people have more than others. I knew a girl in college living with a guy who would shoot all the way to the ceiling of her place, and then he never offered to be the one up on a ladder cleaning it up, so it was always her. What's not to love?


When I finish outside, I always help with cleanup. However, I get the impression he's not talking about that. I got the impression she doesn't like it in her. Not sure about most women, but my wife usually follows it up with peeing (which is recommended after sex) and a couple of wipes like you would normally do after peeing. Not sure how he is supposed to help with that.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

mwise003 said:


> When I finish outside, I always help with cleanup. However, I get the impression he's not talking about that. I got the impression she doesn't like it in her. Not sure about most women, but my wife usually follows it up with peeing (which is recommended after sex) and a couple of wipes like you would normally do after peeing. Not sure how he is supposed to help with that.


I help clean my wife up every time. She usually goes to pee after that. 

It would be good to hear back from the OP, but I suspect he is a drive by.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

mwise003 said:


> When I finish outside, I always help with cleanup. However, I get the impression he's not talking about that. I got the impression she doesn't like it in her. Not sure about most women, but my wife usually follows it up with peeing (which is recommended after sex) and a couple of wipes like you would normally do after peeing. Not sure how he is supposed to help with that.


I can't help but chuckle sometimes when I've read on here men commenting about women going to the restroom after sex as if it's a bad thing or something. Most women just have to pee after sex. All that put some pressure on your bladder.

No certainly she needs to clean herself up in the bathroom, but definitely he should not be jizzing on her. He didn't say he was so that's good. I was talking about putting down towels and trying not to get the sheets wet. It's no small thing to have to sleep in a wet spot or get up and change the sheets which is not a small chore. That's all I was saying, anything that might minimize a mess.

But it's clear she doesn't like fluids. That's how she is.


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## mwise003 (1 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can't help but chuckle sometimes when I've read on here men commenting about women going to the restroom after sex as if it's a bad thing or something. Most women just have to pee after sex. All that put some pressure on your bladder.
> 
> No certainly she needs to clean herself up in the bathroom, but definitely he should not be jizzing on her. He didn't say he was so that's good. I was talking about putting down towels and trying not to get the sheets wet. It's no small thing to have to sleep in a wet spot or get up and change the sheets which is not a small chore. That's all I was saying, anything that might minimize a mess.
> 
> But it's clear she doesn't like fluids. That's how she is.


I never implied it was a "bad" thing, I said it was recommended. My wife's doctor recommended it for further clarification. I agree with everything else you said.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

It is a good thing for a woman to go to the bathroom after sex as it helps prevent UTIs. 

I’ve offered to go down on my wife after we finish and she gets so grossed out by it. It’s no big deal to me since it’s my stuff but she’s a no go and just wants to hurry to the bathroom. 

I really don’t look forward to sex anymore for a lot of reasons.


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