# New Life



## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Ok I'm divorced. Didn't want it but here I am. Im starting to work out again. I've lost about 35 lbs. I am no where ready to meet someone but the though of it is pretty exciting.

So I need to start my life again. Before it was all about family. I have to make it all about me now.

So in the weeks I don't have my sons what can I be doing? 

I have given this a lot of thought and cant think of anything.

I don't want to sit around the house. If I don't get out I will never meet anyone and will become a hermit. 

This is bad to say but I want to have such a great life that that will be my revenge against my ex.

I thought about traveling somewhere but I don't want to go alone. 
I would like to start a new career but cant afford it.
New hobbies... ok as long as its with some new people.

I am 44 years old and I need to catch up before its too late.

Any advice?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Join a Meetup group, get a dog, start volunteering someplace.....


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Please clarify what is the final custody arrangement with your sons. Also in was under the impression from your last thread your oldest son had chosen to reside with you.


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> This is bad to say but I want to have such a great life that that will be my revenge against my ex.


Nothing wrong with that at all.

Congrats on the weight loss!

My first thought was Meetup groups too. They have groups for everything. Or the usual.... volunteer, join a church or other organization, sign up for a class to learn something new, like cooking or some other hobby.

As for starting a career, I don't know what your current career background or education is, but I started a writing career online. Cost me nothing and produces good money. There are other things you can do online career-wise, but it might be better to get a job outside the house (if that's an option) just to get out in the world.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

JohnA said:


> Please clarify what is the final custody arrangement with your sons. Also in was under the impression from your last thread your oldest son had chosen to reside with you.


He is with me until his mother gets a permanent place to live. Then both boys are week on week off.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Join a Meetup group, get a dog, start volunteering someplace.....



I think that's what I am going to do after the new year


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

VEGAS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to go alone..Thats what us Rock Star do! Dude


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> VEGAS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to go alone..Thats what us Rock Star do! Dude


Im not sure Im social enough to travel alone. I need company.

I respect that you can do that. I wish I could. Or I wish I could some day


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

My friend dont be like that. You are ONLY 44. There is a lot of years in front of you.

New girls,new wife,your grandchildren. Enjoy yourself because we live only once.

I am going to tell you my recipe and how I dealt with it.

1. I went to mountains. Nice place to clean your head and meet some really nice woman. I didnt want to meet woman at the bar,because I already met one and it was my bigest mistake.

2. I spend so much time with my two best friends and one female. We went to EU trip-it is like from Deutchland-Poland-Czech-Russia and back to Italy-France-UK-Deutchland.

I never thought about my fiance of three years and pain she caused to me.

3. Went back to work and worked my a$$. Now I got some really nice pay chek rise and I will spend it on myself. No need to share it with others 

4. After one year I met one older lady and fell in love with her. 

I am "flying" now my friend. Life is so great and trust me on this one you are going to make it. 

I hope I helped you and sorry for my grammar mistakes xaxa


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Take flying lessons. A friend who is in the civil aviation Corp thinks they run about 150 an hour.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Hope Shimmers said:


> Nothing wrong with that at all.
> 
> Congrats on the weight loss!
> 
> ...


Is this besides your career as a physician, or aren't you doing that now?


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

technovelist said:


> Is this besides your career as a physician, or aren't you doing that now?


For the past 2 years, I didn't work clinically. I built up my medical writing business and was doing that full time, as well as working as a medical director for another medical writing business. Then I took a temporary clinical position in October, which will end in January, from the same place where I was working prior to starting my business. I will continue that at some level, although I don't know if I will continue it full time. Right now the combined hours are way more than full time so something has to give.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

im also a pastor, male model and aerospace engineer! Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Hope Shimmers said:


> For the past 2 years, I didn't work clinically. I built up my medical writing business and was doing that full time, as well as working as a medical director for another medical writing business. Then I took a temporary clinical position in October, which will end in January, from the same place where I was working prior to starting my business. I will continue that at some level, although I don't know if I will continue it full time. Right now the combined hours are way more than full time so something has to give.


Yes, but I assume you at least are putting away a big chunk of money so that at some point you will be able to take time off to enjoy life!


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

technovelist said:


> Yes, but I assume you at least are putting away a big chunk of money so that at some point you will be able to take time off to enjoy life!


I have 2 kids in college to the tune of almost six figures a year. :crying:

Enjoying life is a goal though. Or even just having a better 2016. Thanks.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Hope Shimmers said:


> I have 2 kids in college to the tune of almost six figures a year. :crying:
> 
> Enjoying life is a goal though. Or even just having a better 2016. Thanks.


Wow, that is a lot.

I hope 2016 is better for you all around.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Star in a few pornos, will get you out of the house, meet some new people, and great revenge against the ex :grin2:

But seriously, join a gym (if you aren't a member), take some classes. See if any of the local libraries / communities have social activities. Do some volunteer work.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I may not be the source of the best advice, but I have to agree about MeetUp. I have made several male friends thru the group. We go out at least once a week. They have been thru what I am going thru so they understand where I am coming from. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. 
I know you mentioned not wanting to travel alone, I used to feel the same way. But over the holidays that is exactly what I am going to do. Everyday a new wrinkle to my plan comes to the surface. I am renting a car, taking every self improvement CD that I have and I am going to drive. I know generally where I want to go and I have been talking to everyone that I meet about it to get ideas on what to see.
You may not want to travel but start taking small steps. A couple of weeks ago I went to see a movie by myself. I have gone to nice restaurants by myself. In fact that is on the list of my road trip. To find the nicest restaurant in every town that I stay and treat myself to a gourmet meal.
One other thing about MeetUp, I would recommend NOT joining a singles group. What I have found is that most of the people there are desperate to meet someone and so some of the meetings come with expectations/ I think a better route is to join a group that is involved in something you enjoy. There will still be some singles there, but they won't be there to meet someone, they will be there to enjoy the activity, as should you. I think that is when lightening strikes - when you aren't looking for it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Take a class to better yourself. Local community colleges are pretty affordable. Probably a lot to choose from. Learn Spanish, etc.

Take some cooking classes, etc


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Ok I'm divorced. Didn't want it but here I am. Im starting to work out again. I've lost about 35 lbs. I am no where ready to meet someone but the though of it is pretty exciting.
> 
> So I need to start my life again. Before it was all about family. I have to make it all about me now.
> 
> ...


Congrats on your new chapter of your life and improved health!

I see folks suggesting meet up. I live in a fairly large city and looked into meet ups and there is nothing good in my area. I hope you have better luck than me.

I am in the same boat and trying to find a way to get out and meet people and just enjoy life.

Volunteer, hobbies, travel would be my suggestions. I have two teenagers full time, so I can't follow as much of my own advice.

Good luck!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Lift lift lift,

get your self in the best shape of your life. when things settle down you will be looking good ready to find someone.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I have been thinking about this MeetUp thing. I went to a MeetUp last night at a small tavern in a different neighborhood. The MeetUp was organized by a single group. So everybody there was single/divorced or widowed. I know it may just be me, but the whole idea screams of desperation and loneliness. 
I am going to a similar MeetUp tomorrow evening that is organized by a beer lovers group. I will be curious to see if I notice any difference.
I think the farther into this new life of my own, the more I realize that simply living your life, exploring your passions and enjoying the effort will yield a greater return than chasing after your next relationship.
It is kind of like golf, the harder you try, the more effort you make, the more you think about it, the more frustrating it is. Simply relaxing, trusting you know what you are doing and just doing it usually results in better results.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Ynot said:


> I have been thinking about this MeetUp thing. I went to a MeetUp last night at a small tavern in a different neighborhood. The MeetUp was organized by a single group. So everybody there was single/divorced or widowed. I know it may just be me, but the whole idea screams of desperation and loneliness.
> I am going to a similar MeetUp tomorrow evening that is organized by a beer lovers group. I will be curious to see if I notice any difference.
> I think the farther into this new life of my own, the more I realize that simply living your life, exploring your passions and enjoying the effort will yield a greater return than chasing after your next relationship.
> It is kind of like golf, the harder you try, the more effort you make, the more you think about it, the more frustrating it is. Simply relaxing, trusting you know what you are doing and just doing it usually results in better results.


Yeah, I think I pointed this out to you about six of your threads ago!! HA DUDE ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Cooking classes are a great thing to engage in. Take some at the local vo-tech school. A lot of them offer adult cources. Look for dance lessons offered though adult Ed programs. 

My brother took over all the cooking for his family. His wife dishes and a large chunk of household cleaning. Over the years he attended one or two week cources at major culinary schools such as CSA. The breaksfast, lunches and dinners in his home, from simple to complex are amazing. 

I toolk dance lessons at a adult Ed program. Dance studios charge 70 - 80 dollars a class. I paid 90 for 13 weeks.

Both are group events and you will meet a lot of people. 

So your resume:
Good job
Own your own home
Great dad
"broken in" with bad habits turned into plus (due rebuilding himself to ex wife's adultery)
Prepares meals (vs heat and serve)
Dances
Resonable shape 

Get you get a motorcycle you will be a rock star.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

JohnA said:


> Cooking classes are a great thing to engage in. Take some at the local vo-tech school. A lot of them offer adult cources. Look for dance lessons offered though adult Ed programs.
> 
> My brother took over all the cooking for his family. His wife dishes and a large chunk of household cleaning. Over the years he attended one or two week cources at major culinary schools such as CSA. The breaksfast, lunches and dinners in his home, from simple to complex are amazing.
> 
> ...


All good except the dancing. Not me! HA

Add in there camping, my jeep, four wheeling, and hiking


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

JohnA said:


> So your resume:
> Good job
> Own your own home
> Great dad
> ...


I guess I am a rock star then!


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Get into wine big time!! Chicks love wineries and you can get her tipsy then hello!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Get into wine big time!! Chicks love wineries and you can get her tipsy then hello!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Chicks" do love wineries, but not being liquored up for the purpose of being taken advantage of.😮

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I went to the beer lovers meetup. It was different than the single meet up. Even though almost every one there was single, the focus was on the beer, not being single. The people there seemed more relaxed and open because they were talking about something they like (beer) as opposed to something they didn't like (being single). Interesting juxtaposition of the two groups.


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