# Lies, Lies, and more lies



## Stuckinit (Oct 5, 2021)

I am a dead end. My spouse lies about everything. when you confront him, he talks in circles. He has zero concept that I know he lies constantly. He just feeds me more lies and acts victimized when you question his facts. I have thought about counseling but if he doesn't see the problem I believe that is pointless. any other suggestions?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Stuckinit said:


> I am a dead end. My spouse lies about everything. when you confront him, he talks in circles. He has zero concept that I know he lies constantly. He just feeds me more lies and acts victimized when you question his facts. I have thought about counseling but if he doesn't see the problem I believe that is pointless. any other suggestions?


Any more details? How long married, kids, etc. Does he literally lie about everything big and small? Has he always been like this?


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## Stuckinit (Oct 5, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Any more details? How long married, kids, etc. Does he literally lie about everything big and small? Has he always been like this?


married 6 years 2 kids from prev marriage at home. yes lies about everything big small. I have been realizing it for the last 3 years. each time is a blow up demand for proof and then pretend it never happened. when he is asked to get help he says yeah I am burned out I need to figure out how to deal with it better


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

That's what you get for marrying a politician.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The only one keeping yourself in this will be you. Trying to change or fix him is a waste of time.


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## Xylophone1286 (Oct 9, 2021)

ive Been in a quasi relationship w a guy like this. He once Made joke about being schizophrenic amd I wonder with these people, do all of their lies actually start to feel like reality and they barely know the difference.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

I am not a trained psychiatrist. Please see a professional.

Among those groups of people who tell lies all the time (pathological liars) are narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths (usually referred to as those with Anti-Social Personality Disorder). All psychopaths are narcissists but the reverse is not true.

Psychopaths (about 1 in 100 people are and many are skilled at appearing "normal" - few are mass murderers). They have no conscience, no ability to feel remorse and will lie/cheat both sexually and financially. They are unable to feel such emotions as loving, caring and sharing (love is equated with sex and devoid of genuine emotional content whatever they say to get their way). They learn to appear to care etc. but close observation shows it to be a shallow pastiche of genuine caring. They do, however, demonstrate indifference, hate, possibly even violent rage, high levels of competitiveness and will seek revenge on those who upset them. It is widely accepted that such people are genetically predisposed to psychopathy and that, even were there a treatment, they will never seek help because they know there is nothing wrong with them. 

They are said to pass lie-detector tests easily since the machine measures a consequence of lying and they don't lie - they believe that what they say is right, simply because they said it. 

Bluntly it seems that they can't think the same way as the rest of us. In the book The Psychopath Whisperer an example of psychopathic thought is given. 
FROM MEMORY - a convicted rapist admitted the crime and was asked why he committed it. The answer was that it was the victim's fault since it was only rape because she said no - had she said yes it would not have been rape - therefore she was to blame for him committing rape. 
He seemed incapable of thinking that her refusal meant that he should forgo his lust; he wanted therefore he had to have: simples.

I am not qualified to make any diagnosis and there are many other possible reasons for his behaviour - but I strongly recommend you talk with your doctor about defining his problem/condition.

In the unlikely event it turns out that his behaviour suggests psychopathy - please run - do not have kids with a psychopath. My kids were 4 and 5 when I realised that my now XW was seriously abnormal (after considerable study I'm convinced she, her father and her brother were all psychopaths). Don't go there.


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