# negative, negative, negative



## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

Well I made it through my 20th anniversary alone. Started seeing a Christian counselor. Felt pretty good about it when I got my wife to agree to go. She texted that she went and he didn't charge her because she wasn't his patient but only to learn to help me. Now I feel even more that I am the one loosing my mind. Nothing but negative thoughts. Hate having to rely on others to exist. Never needed acceptance from anyone for over 40 years now I can't focus on anything. Wish everything was over but still don't want to just give up on the marriage. Only thing feeding my fire was that I thought she had the problem and that I could figure out to fix it. Now I feeling pretty certain that the problem is mostly with me. Not seeing a lot of reasons she would want to be with me and that is really pulling me down. Oh well. Just thought I could add a few guests to my pity party. Until next time.
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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Unless she was fully committed to counseling it was just a waste of time for her to go unfortunately. She doesn’t want to work on the marriage or issues right now and nothing you can do will convince her otherwise. This is often a hurdle for one party to accept that

Don’t even listen to her saying she only went to learn how to help you, all that really said is she has no interest and is blameless in her head. The problems in the marriage are both of your responsibility, not just one. She doesn’t want to deal with it and you cant force her.


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## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

honcho said:


> Unless she was fully committed to counseling it was just a waste of time for her to go unfortunately. She doesn’t want to work on the marriage or issues right now and nothing you can do will convince her otherwise. This is often a hurdle for one party to accept that
> 
> Don’t even listen to her saying she only went to learn how to help you, all that really said is she has no interest and is blameless in her head. The problems in the marriage are both of your responsibility, not just one. She doesn’t want to deal with it and you cant force her.


Thanks. You are SO CORRECT. Thing are looking up. See my latest post.
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## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

LnghrnFan said:


> I'm so sorry you're hurting  Don't give up on the counseling. Even if your wife won't go anymore, and she doesn't feel like it's helping her, it will help you. And don't give up on your marriage yet either. When she starts seeing changes in you, maybe she'll come around. Hang in there!


Thanks for the encouragement.
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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I know how you feel and they're right, it's never all one persons fault.


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