# What can I do?



## registerforwhat (Oct 17, 2011)

I have been going out with a women who didn't tell me that she was married until later. She mentioned that they are agreeing to divorce and I accepted the relationship. To get the point, he suddenly sent me a letter in the mail asking for compensation for mental damages and ruining a marriage, he mentions not to contact her. He even sent a picture that a detective agency took, invasion of privacy right?

With her information, I met her after she left him, they already had many talks and agreed to divorce and he even admitted to her that he hated her. She has her own multiple reasons to divorce and they have nothing to do with me, I am just someone she accidentally met after. I do not contact her, she contacts me, e-mails me, and visits me, I do not even ask her. Simply, I am just a bystander getting caught into something? This married couple had many talks together with family so there is people who can prove that he wants a divorce and didn't care about her. But in the end, he is suddenly blaming me for mental damages, when I don't even know what's going on. I don't even know how he got my address.

I even checked with her from the start, she had no feeling, no attachments, or anything to this guy, she just wants a divorce, but he will not let go without destroying her life first. He is just a guy in my opinion who is just looking for someone to blame beside himself, for ruining his own marriage.

I understand she is married on paper, but doesn't this person, soon to be ex-wife, have a say or anything to help in this situation?

I am in Japan so the laws may be different, but I would love to hear your opinion, I am worried about this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My opinion... You should talk to a lawyer in Japan. Asking for legal advice online is pretty foolish. Our opinions mean nothing; it's the judge's opinions that count.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

In a few states there is a crime "alienation of affection." Wish it was in my state.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

However if you can prove that you were not the cause (she left him before you two met) then there is nothing they can hold against you. A singer Fantasia recently won a suit against her by the wife of her baby daddy ;o) because they had separated before he met Fantasia. Good luck to you, get legal advise. In Japan no such law may exist. Do not ignore the letter though.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

The woman is still legally married. You received a cease-and-desist letter. Ignoring it could cost you.

Married woman who committed adultery can also lie -- that should be obvious.

If you need this type of excitement in your life, then ask yourself why.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

I agree with Aug.. I wouldn't beleive a word she said. If the husband was upset enough to contact you, then its pretty obvious that he hadn't been agreeable to divorce.

Maybe I'm swayed by the fact that this is the same lie my stbxh told his OW. Its pretty common for the one committing adultery to not look like the bad guy when testing out a new reationship behind their spouses back. "We've been having trouble" Or "working towards divorce for months" coud be excuses for you to be ok with her actions. More than likely he had no clue there was a problem until he found out. 

From your outline above, you're right he shouldn't have a problemw ith your relationship with his wife... then why does he? must have some lines crossed somewhere.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

I feel for ya, but her story is just that...a story. There clearly were issues in her marriage that contributed to its end...regardless of what the others may be, at this point though, on the top of the list would be her cheating. It reminds me of what my soon to be ex wife was telling her OM about me before I busted the affair. Blew me away, every good thing about me became bad...every bad thing became worse. Rationalizing. So this woman's husband may be a total jerk. Or she may just be amplifying anything negative about him to you, so you'll respect her cheating, as well as justify it to herself. I would leave her cold if I were you. She'll most likely do the same to you someday.

That said, you need to get facts and dates. Don't go by what she says...This is a court case, and like it or not she (not he) put you right in the middle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## registerforwhat (Oct 17, 2011)

Thanks for all the advise guys, of course I know in the end a lawyer is good, but hearing something is a bit relieving, this can go many ways I understand.

She is currently talking to her lawyer, as for believing, I believe she is being honest. The lawyer advised obviously not to pay as well as everyone else, as well as myself because it is ridiculous to suddenly ask someone for compensation when I don't even know who the hell this guy is before the letter. 

Plus I asked for this I guess in a way, things happen for a reason right? Of course, the last choice of action is to just leave her if it spirals a bit out of control.

For ignoring the letter, it is already bad enough that I am doing this at work, but I have no internet and there is no return address on the letter and she has my letter.

For Japanese law in this situation, this letter is written by himself, husband, advised from a lawyer, as I have done this myself for another situation. Japanese way is to ask first nicely and if you want to get legal you can do it. Lawyers can cost an arm and lots of time so this letter itself can be just a bluff. I don't know if this is the same in America.

As for not replying, besides from not being able to contact him, as I cannot without legal advise. I will just wait until the right time after the meeting with the her lawyer about it, her advise can be very important. Thank again for the comments...


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Ummm, you realize that her lawyer is there to protect her, right? And not to advise you (unless he's your lawyer too. And that brings in conflict of interest).

Why should her lawyer have any duty to you?


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## registerforwhat (Oct 17, 2011)

Your right "AUG" of course, I am not relying on her, I have my own plans as well...if she fails to tell me the right information...but as I have a week to reply, the lawyer will give advice 3 days before, I will see what she says. In this case, feelings/relationship mean nothing if I get kicked back home to America and such you know?

I will have to break up with her and send her husband a letter/e-mail that I will stop seeing her and such, but cannot pay such ridiculous compensation for invalid reasons/false information. If he fails to agree and just wants the money for mental damages, then there is nothing I can do and just brace myself for a battle. I just have to make sure that I write the letter/e-mail very properly and carefully, so that he cannot counter with anything and believe that I am sincere with my answer. Thanks AUG~

As for her lawyer, I have to at least give my girl a chance to try and explain herself.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You got the letter from the husband, end all contact with her period. Lawyer up, he has evidence of you 2 being together. Now all he has to try and prove is that you knew she was married at some point when you both were going out and that you broke up their marriage.

BTW, have you ever thought that you might be getting scammed by the husband and wife. Not out of the realm of possibilities and I'm pretty sure there are couples in Japan who work the system to get free money from foreigners.

Sleep with my wife, break up our happy marriage, get sued, you pay or the company you work for pays to keep it all hush, hush. They walk away with alot of $$.


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