# feeling so alone



## katie jane

Its so hard to put into words how low im feeling , im finding everyday a struggle , the thought of comming home making dinner for one ..not having anyone to talk to . 
the days just blur into a week and then at week ends friends and family are busy with there partners ... 
i hate feeling sorry for myself  but its so hard to get motivated


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## HappyHer

That's a tough spot to be in, but please know it's temporary. 

Challenge yourself to start getting out in the world and seeing what you can do to stay busy. Are there clubs, meetings, other events that you can go to where you may meet some other singles? 

If not, start some of your own, or plan a week-end trip. Doing something out of the ordinary might help get you out of the isolation that you currently find yourself in.


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## katie jane

HappyHer said:


> That's a tough spot to be in, but please know it's temporary.
> 
> Challenge yourself to start getting out in the world and seeing what you can do to stay busy. Are there clubs, meetings, other events that you can go to where you may meet some other singles?
> 
> If not, start some of your own, or plan a week-end trip. Doing something out of the ordinary might help get you out of the isolation that you currently find yourself in.


I started going out at first , just feel so empty like I've hit a wall and I can't get passed it 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyHer

It's okay to feel like that sometimes, it gives you a chance to cocoon yourself and come out new again. But if it's lasting beyond a comfortable point, then that's exactly when you have to push yourself. 

If the feelings last more than two weeks, please get screened for depression. Until then, start a list of what you are truly grateful for, things you would like to do, and how you can start to do them. Hopefully this will distract you for a bit until you can regain your footing.


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## katie jane

HappyHer said:


> It's okay to feel like that sometimes, it gives you a chance to cocoon yourself and come out new again. But if it's lasting beyond a comfortable point, then that's exactly when you have to push yourself.
> 
> If the feelings last more than two weeks, please get screened for depression. Until then, start a list of what you are truly grateful for, things you would like to do, and how you can start to do them. Hopefully this will distract you for a bit until you can regain your footing.


thanks . Is it wrong to have doubts about getting divorced ? I know he wanted to work at our marriage but I wouldn't ! I don't really know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyHer

You're welcome. Are you doubting the divorce because you are thinking of the way it "could have been", or that you think it may have worked if you were willing to work on it?

Either way, you are divorced, or in the process and you chose that for a reason. It's hard today, but that doesn't mean it was the wrong choice for you, just that it's challenging to start a brand new life sometimes.


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## Wisp

Katie Jane: 

I won't challenge you on your decision however ..

Time to do some self-healing, go out with close friends, do things that are enjoyable to you and make you happy.

Your in a lot of pain and need to deflect this and fill in the void with good things, things that make you laugh, a good movie, read a funny book . etc..


Be good to yourself, bless you


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## Deejo

Loneliness comes in waves for me. I think it can be easy to misconstrue loneliness as despair. It needn't be. I now tend to view the feeling as an indicator that I need to pay more attention to how I'm choosing to live my life.


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## katie jane

Deejo said:


> Loneliness comes in waves for me. I think it can be easy to misconstrue loneliness as despair. It needn't be. I now tend to view the feeling as an indicator that I need to pay more attention to how I'm choosing to live my life.


Have some really good day  where I can see light at the end of the tunnel trying hard to keep busy ! Very hard when the last few years have been spent at home being a housewife looking after his every need ! 
I guess in a way it's like that part if my life has died and I need time to grieve before I can move on .. Still hurts badly when I see him though
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katie jane

katie jane said:


> Have some really good day  where I can see light at the end of the tunnel trying hard to keep busy ! Very hard when the last few years have been spent at home being a housewife looking after his every need !
> I guess in a way it's like that part if my life has died and I need time to grieve before I can move on .. Still hurts badly when I see him though
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


can't help thinking did I try hard enough to save my marriage ? Or was I to stuburn to try ? And does this get easier ? Just feel like curling up and giving up on life
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo

You did what you were able to do. It is apparent to me that you are a 'caretaker' in terms of how you express yourself in a relationship. That isn't necessarily a bad thing - unless you base your self-worth on whether or not there is somebody for you to take care of. I made that mistake, and came out of it. You will too.

Put those wonderful qualities into taking care of yourself.


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## katie jane

Deejo said:


> You did what you were able to do. It is apparent to me that you are a 'caretaker' in terms of how you express yourself in a relationship. That isn't necessarily a bad thing - unless you base your self-worth on whether or not there is somebody for you to take care of. I made that mistake, and came out of it. You will too.
> 
> Put those wonderful qualities into taking care of yourself.


I am trying to smile through must days ! Just feel empty I've got nothing more to give. I'm really pushing myself to carrying on just feel like it's not worth the effort anymore
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wisp

Katie

Think of it this way:

You are an attractive woman that will easily be with the best of men.

What you need to is get yourself out of the rut you are in and look after YOU. 

Have you joined a club, doing exercise often kill the emotions you are going through with added benefits of keeping you fit and trim. 

Tell your self-daily or when you feel despondent, that you are moving on, you are attractive and yes you are preparing yourself for a better life. 

This is a journey and you are have hit a little bump in the road. 

Please be strong for yourself, go to work and keep you mind busy all day, in the evening when you fell lonely curl up with a book or go out with friends, just ladies, with couples it a may bring back old feelings. Do not think or talk about him. 

Start looking at men, relearn the are of flirting, their responses will make you feel good, you do not have to do anything with them but you are training your mind to be elsewhere and getting that good feeling back into you. 

Thoughts are with you


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## katie jane

I do go to a gym , im really not ready to meet new men ... 
i really think if he had died id be coping better !! not that id every want that to happen ...
i cant help still having feelings for him


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## Wisp

Hang in there girl


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## katie jane

doing my best to ...im angry at myself for allowing myself to feel how i am !! confused ?? i am


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## katie jane

Thankyou very wise words  I have so much to be thankful for , I guess I've lost my way in finding a way fowards . Your words mean loads thankyou


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## katie jane

Well I have highs and lows I need to find a happy middle  time is the best healer ! I need to see past what I could have done differently and remember that I was a good wife and I'm still a good person ! Sence of failure isn't nice but as much as I love him I know that I couldn't continue tone hurt by him .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wisp

Go on holiday, have a nice break , relax and be yourself for a while..


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## akabob

I feel the same, that is why I am hear now. I want to divorce my 2nd wife, have told her that. Shouldn't have married her. I am paralyzed, can't get out of the house to work (sales, won't be fired). Seeing therapist today, but I know only I can pick myself up. I struggle


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## katie jane

Akabob :

Its so hard when your future is in your own hands ... if you are 100% sure off what you want for your future, and keep focused on that , wishing you all the best


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## stalemate

HappyHer said:


> Are you doubting the divorce because you are thinking of the way it "could have been", or that you think it may have worked if you were willing to work on it?


One of the things that was recommended to me after my first marriage ended was to make a list of the things I had lost in the divorce. What I discovered was that the most important thing I had lost was a dream. I had to grieve for the fantasy marriage that never existed along with the actual marriage that had ended.


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## ThinkTooMuch

*Loss of dreams and hopes*

I have to agree with Stalemate, but add beyond the loss of fantasy and reality, the death of hopes created during years together is terribly saddening.

There is "life after marriage", whether you interpret it to mean after one is married or after one's marriage ends, but the months surrounding the end are painful and it can take years before full healing.

KatieJane - 

You are not alone in your sense of being alone. All who read your notes know you are hurting and hope that you are feeling better soon, but most of us reading have probably don't know or have forgotten the pain and tears, don't know or have forgotten the pain from seeing couples in love, one's home either new or half empty. Divorce, separations, breakups are difficult, the essence of our lives is shredded, torn, the future more uncertain than ever. I've been there, and as my 2nd wife and I deal with very strong disagreements about how we live and love, I remind myself that nothing will ever hurt as much as bringing my children to their mother's house three or four days a week, seeing them enter a door that I could not go through for many years.

PS - Today, 26 years later, my children and I still love each other dearly, but it was not easy at times. I continue to be a part of their lives, and now their childrens' lives. When I saw their mother this past April I had forgotten how miserable our life had been the last seven years we were together. Time heals.




.


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## katie jane

Thankyou all for your support , means a lot , at the moment i feel like my life has come to a standstill , so much as changed , ..... ive had to see him for a while today , and ive looked at him trying not to show how much im hurting .
time heals ?? would love to fast foward the next year !


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## katie jane

I can do this ! I know one day I'll wake up with a smile ,and my first thoughts will be off how happy I am and not off him !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz

katie jane said:


> I can do this ! I know one day I'll wake up with a smile ,and my first thoughts will be off how happy I am and not off him !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup::iagree:

You have a great future!


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## IWantLove

Yes, you will wake up one day feeling happy! During the break-up of my marriage and then the divorce, I took one day at a time. It's very hard to do for an impatient person like me!  But then you start looking ahead to the next week, then to the next month, and so on, and you realize that you're no longer just trying to make it to the next hour. 

It will get better. Hang in there!


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## katie jane

Had a real pamper day  had my hair and nails done  amazing how good that made me feel  one day at a time bur getting out of the house as been a great leap fowards
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wisp

a great leap fowards

:iagree:


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## katie jane

Wisp said:


> a great leap fowards
> 
> :iagree:


 well have deleted endless emails and blocked his number ! Now I'm dealing with him driving up and down outside :-/ 
have ignored , just gonna go out for a run , and will ignore him . Wish he would let me move on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wisp

“Now I'm dealing with him driving up and down outside :-“.....his problem..consequences...You are getting over him keep on-track life is to short. 

Best wishes


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## katie jane

Ok so I wasn't enough for him because he had an affair, he lied , turnt my life upside down hurt me beyond words ........ Then why does he continue to hurt me ? I have ignored him sitting outside for over two hours praying that he gets bored fast
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz

It's further evidence of his selfishness.

It's ok for him to go cheat and disrespect you. But for him to have consequences for his actions, such as you leaving him?

He can't fathom that! He thinks of you as a possession.


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## katie jane

Been rescued by a few friends ! Sneaked out the back and over the fence ! Think I'll have the weekend away , what really gets me is that I loved him so much I would have done anything for him !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy

Haven't followed your situation - but wondering if some sort of restraining order would help?

Hope you and your friends have a good time!


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## uhaul4mybaggage

A friend of mine was telling me how she met her second husband. 
She said he asked her out, and they went out, but she told him she wasn't ready for a relationship yet, to take things slow. He was coming on too strong anyway, and she got mad and left. Wouldn't return his calls, etc. 
Then she was reading a study that said that people who have too much sex go blind more often/earlier. Apparently the excitement has a negative effect on the blood vessels in the eyes. So, she cut and pasted it into an email and sent it to him, to kind of jab him for coming on so strong. 
He called her a few weeks later. She asked if he had gotten the email. He said yes. She said, well, what do you think?
He said he had one question:
How come she wears glasses and he doesn't? 

She said, at that point, she knew he was the one. 

So, you think you aren't ready to meet people, but you might surprise yourself, if you put yourself where people are. Don't go looking, or you'll be disappointed. But keep an open mind, too. 
And do what makes you happy. That way you'll be smiling when he sees you!


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## katie jane

If he continues to harass then I will have no option but to take it futher I wouldn't want to but I would gave to ! He's turnt up everywhere this weekend and I've ignored and made sure I've cried out of sight ! 
As for the above !! Yikes gonna be a long long LONG time before I could trust a man !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz

Sounds like whatever he was up to didn't work out.

Be strong, don't be his plan B!


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## katie jane

Trying to keep strong , he's making life very hard , I wonder what I saw him him ? Finding it very hard
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skinman

katie jane said:


> Trying to keep strong , he's making life very hard , I wonder what I saw him him ? Finding it very hard
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry to read this Katie... Your post sounds so familiar to my own situation..  after all was said and done I wondered the same thing.... 

But you know it will get better. Take it one day at a time and try to keep smiling, be thankful for what you have and only worry about things within your power to change... I will keep you in my prayers..

Skin.......


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## Nickj

Hello Katie in my opinion make yourself as busy as possible so that you will not feel lonely. But I must say its difficult for a women to lead her life lonely.


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## notreadytoquit

Katie I feel the same way. I feel this huge emptiness in my heart right now. On top of being super tired by taking care of a baby and the emotional turmoil it does not help when you get overwhelmed by these feelings. Some days I too wonder what I saw in him. I don't call him or email him unless it is about our son. I don't even send him photos of our son(we live in two different countries). He sees the child on Skype 3 times a week and even though our child does not really talk I don't say anything to him unless he asks me a question. So he ends up talking to himself.

I joined a group on Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup. It is a group of single parents. They have lots of activities for the kids and my son loves it. Check out in your city what groups they have. I am sure you will find something.


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## katie jane

Im keeping myself busy and joined a new gym  
I have no ties to him, I did bring up his son as my own and god it hurts not having him in my life ...... But I've desided to stop contact which hurts but it also means he has no need to try to contact me .
I do wonder how things get so sad ??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trev

Katie you wised up to how bad he had and was treating you , don't reflect back just take one day at a time you learn so much about yourself just know you did the right thing ! Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## katie jane

hey Trev long time no hear hope you and your family are well ? 

i do reflect , its hard not to ! I love him but i would never take him back .... im a lot stronger then i ever have been , this site and the people on it have helped heaps .. 
having more good days then bad ,meeting new people all the time .


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## trev

We are all fab looking fowards to the kids going back to school . Katie your posts should be about being positive now ! No more about the past just about how you are moving fowards , keep strong and positive you have a whole new life yours for the taking .
Carol said to msn her and catch up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

katie jane said:


> Its so hard to put into words how low im feeling , im finding everyday a struggle , the thought of comming home making dinner for one ..not having anyone to talk to


Gee, this sounds like most of my marriage...


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## mariem1967

We all (divorced) passed through same feelings. I think we should ask for professional help. I personally tried to go out of it on my own and it didn't work. I found someone who already had experience and in very short time i was amazed how the things went better for me. Don't be afraid to ask for help.


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## krispy30

I can so relate to you. I posted earlier for God to give me a better life with happiness cause I am done with the lonely depressed and hopeless one I am living. If he could not give me better then take me now. I can not bare to live like I am any longer. I cry every day. I am all alone. I never cook. I eat cereal alot. I am missing my husband, my family and my old life. I hate myself and what I have done and become. I just want out! Someone help me here cause I have lost the will to live or even fight. I am chronically depressed, social anxiety and bi polar. I have no friends that I can hang out with. And my girls are all off in their worlds and not here with me anymore. So I understand alone. I hope you fine a way out. As I hope the same for me. But as of right this second....Not very likely I will.


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## blownaway

Please get yourself to a therapist as soon as possible and if you are seriously having suicidal thoughts - please call 9/11 or an emergency hotline number. I've had those thoughts too, but it's never the right solution. There is a lot of hurt and pain but you have to see that things will start to be better. The ***** of it is that they only get better a little bit at a time. I wish I could wave a wand and make all of this pain disappear for everyone on this site, but it's not possible. You have to get the help you need and just start fresh. God does not want you yet - you have more to do here to make your life what you want. It is not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. It's a rough time of a year and emotions run really high. I about hyperventilated yesterday shopping for gifts - memories of me and H shopping together for the kids got overwhelming. But, it's a different day and I didn't hyperventilate today. Small steps; baby steps, but you will get there. You need help though - do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for it. It's there for a reason.


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## mariem1967

You definetly need help. Please don't hasitate to ask for it. If you do, one day you will be thankful to yourself. There's still whole life in front of you. Be strong now and after you will be even stronger.


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## LostConfused

it's that emptiness, loneliness that's hardest to understand and try to deal with for me. a feeling of dying and being in limbo and trying to come back to life is what i feel.

i felt lonely during most of my marriage now after the few years spent in that roller-coaster ride of a volatile marriage, it did a lot of damage to me, but it also improved me and made me stronger as a person, so i do feel a sense of calm, relief but i feel like i wasted those years trying my hardest to want to make it work and that's what i feel most angry and sad about. 

not depressed b/c i know i have the strength in me to survive but i wish i could turn back time so i could be that age again and stop myself from getting married to a person that was so wrong for me and i was wrong for him. we were both immature, impulsive to rush into marriage.

i want to be 21 again


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