# Living in his house



## Euroinus (Jul 31, 2015)

H


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

He can say whatever he wants but you're married and you contribute so a portion of that house is yours. Maybe not half, it depends on state laws. 

More important is why you'd want to stay married to someone who doesn't view you as a partner. Next time he orders you our of his house maybe you should take him up on it and move. 

And stop doing anything to take care of it as far as maintenance and improvements. Tell him since it's his house it's his problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Euroinus said:


> Hi ladies, this is my first post. My husband bought the house we now live in before we were married. For the past 6 years We both have done a lot of work on the place to make it better. It was a total fixer upper. My question is if you live in someone's place does that someone makes you feel like it is half yours. I m not talking legally but more on a emotional level. Calling it your home.
> 
> *My husband has always called it his house, period. Even in fights ordered me "out of his house". *
> 
> ...


Your husband sounds like a pig, sorry but he is a bully.

We are not married, I own my house outright, he pays his fair share of the bills, food and 95% of our travel and entertainment. 
This is our home in a relationship sense, it is mine (and fully protected) in a legal sense. We are both from previous marriages and individually own other properties that are protected legally. We are soon to buy a country property between us 50/50.

My name is on the title but this is our home, we both work on it together and no one has the right to order the other out of it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some of this depends on where you live. In most states, since you are married, you have partical ownership of the house. 

He paid for it cash. 

At the very least, your probably are entitled to 50% of the equity that has accrued since you married him. Has the property gone up in value?

The two of you have been fixing up the house, right? How much has you two put into renovations, upkeep, etc since your married? A good lawyer can argue that you & he have mixed marital assets with his sole asset (the house). So it might actually have been all converted to marital property.

If you want a complete answer, you could go see a lawyer to find out.

But, with all that, your husband is being an ass at best and abusive at worst.

Why are you staying with someone who treats you like this?


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## Euroinus (Jul 31, 2015)

When I bring up the work I have done or the funds I have invested in the property he says I didn't have to pay rent and I could pay back my student loan really fast.

I honestly think he is resentful that I get to live his standard of life without having to work for it much. (Minus the few years I spent every day off working on the place)


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## Euroinus (Jul 31, 2015)

I would never involve a lawyer. I dislike the lawyer culture. Who are they anyway, third party, leeches. We have an agreement how much money he would give me for my work if I didn't stay with him and it would basically set me up for few months of rent and food on the table. 

We have 2 dogs and have researched flying with dogs and renting with dogs If I do end up leaving.

He has pretty much said he would go crazy if lawyers were involved and I believe him. He had a cousin that was cleaned out by his ex and he said if he was in his cousins shoes the woman wouldn't be walking this earth anymore. I can see how this is scary and everything but I am not planing on involving lawyers. It is against my principles.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

We will see how far against your principle will get you once you are left with nothing after your divorce.(not saying there is going to be one, only if)

But going back to the house. Since you are doing repairs and paying for insurance, depending on your state you are entitled to something. Also, you maybe entitle to any increase in equity.

While you are married to him and living in the house. Its your home. Don't make him tell you differently. He is just being an azs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Euroinus said:


> I would never involve a lawyer. I dislike the lawyer culture. Who are they anyway, third party, leeches.


Who are lawyers? Well they are the ones who know the laws and how the courts work. You apparently have little idea of how either works. So there might come a day when you need that type of help.


Euroinus said:


> We have an agreement how much money he would give me for my work if I didn't stay with him and it would basically set me up for few months of rent and food on the table.
> 
> We have 2 dogs and have researched flying with dogs and renting with dogs If I do end up leaving.


 Look at how he’s treating you right now. He’s not treating you with love or as a wife. He’s treating you like you someone that is just soaking up benefits from him. The chances that he will actually do what he said he would do are slim to none. When a relationship breaks down, all verbal promises go out the window.



Euroinus said:


> He has pretty much said he would go crazy if lawyers were involved and I believe him. He had a cousin that was cleaned out by his ex and he said if he was in his cousins shoes the woman wouldn't be walking this earth anymore. I can see how this is scary and everything but I am not planing on involving lawyers. It is against my principles.


Great. So he let you know that he will kill you if you dare to ask for what is legally yours. Nice guy.

Please note that I did not suggest that you get lawyers involved. Instead I suggested that you talk to one as a way to education yourself about your rights. Your husband is saying stuff that is inaccurate. As I recall you started this thread to find out if what he is telling you a lot of bull. It is.

I can see why he threatened your life. I can see why he's telling you lies about how divorce works... because it benefits him. If he can keep you away from a lawyer, then he can dictate that you get less than what is legally yours.

It sounds like you have a job. What percentage of your joint income do you earn? Do you keep your money in a separate account? Or do you two of a joint account where all of both of your money goes?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Euroinus said:


> I would never involve a lawyer. I dislike the lawyer culture. Who are they anyway, third party, leeches. *We have an agreement how much money he would give me for my work if I didn't stay with him and it would basically set me up for few months of rent and food on the table. *
> 
> *We have 2 dogs and have researched flying with dogs and renting with dogs If I do end up leaving.
> *
> *He has pretty much said he would go crazy if lawyers were involved and I believe him. He had a cousin that was cleaned out by his ex and he said if he was in his cousins shoes the woman wouldn't be walking this earth anymore. I can see how this is scary and everything but I am not planing on involving lawyers. It is against my principles.*


*
*

That is a real gem of a man you are married to, it is little wonder that you don't feel like the house is yours. In his mind it never will be. The only possible reason he married you is for some perceived gain on his part, tax deduction or he wants a kid is my guess. Given what he has told you I would believe him and get out fast. He sounds scary and terroristic.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kristin2349 said:


> [/B]
> 
> That is a real gem of a man you are married to, it is little wonder that you don't feel like the house is yours. In his mind it never will be. The only possible reason he married you is for some perceived gain on his part, tax deduction or he wants a kid is my guess. Given what he has told you I would believe him and get out fast. He sounds scary and terroristic.


Adding to the list... easy sex.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, your husband is a real [email protected]!

You are meant to be his life partner and soul mate with a shared home.

He treats you like a lodger and a FWB! This is not a healthy relationship!

And his threats of violence towards a wife that takes him to the cleaners - well I would take not greater delight than doing just that after dumping his sorry a$$!


And if he does make threats make sure you carry an activated VAR on you and record it so that you file a RO against him and keep him out of "his house".

Get your ducks in a row and get out of this toxic relationship asap. And engaging a lawyer in this case is not a case of principles but self protection so get one already and pay for it with his (your) money!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Euroinus said:


> I would never involve a lawyer. I dislike the lawyer culture. Who are they anyway, third party, leeches.


They are people who know the law who are paid for services rendered. Not dissimilar to a plumber.



> We have an agreement how much money he would give me for my work if I didn't stay with him and it would basically set me up for few months of rent and food on the table.
> 
> We have 2 dogs and have researched flying with dogs and renting with dogs If I do end up leaving.
> 
> He has pretty much said he would go crazy if lawyers were involved


Of course he would! Then your rights might actually be protected!


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Euroinus said:


> Hi ladies, this is my first post. My husband bought the house we now live in before we were married. For the past 6 years We both have done a lot of work on the place to make it better. It was a total fixer upper. My question is if you live in someone's place does that someone makes you feel like it is half yours. I m not talking legally but more on a emotional level. Calling it your home.
> 
> My husband has always called it his house, period. Even in fights ordered me "out of his house".
> 
> ...



That's funny. When I married my wife she insisted I sell the house I already had. She never really told me why until many years later.
She said "I did not want to live in a house where you had f$ed other girls." :grin2:

I can appreciate that.

BTW: I sold the house before we got married. She would not even live there with me, at all.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I had this problem with my first marriage when we were still engaged. I moved into the house he bought without my input and it was awful. We fought all the time.

So I moved out and broke up with him and insisted that I wouldn't get back together with him unless we bought our own house together.

Come to think of it...my ex thought everything was his through most of our marriage right up until I divorced him. The only thing I owned in the marriage according to him was dirty laundry, chores and household bills ...those were all mine.

Did I mention I divorced him? Yea, sometimes divorce is a good thing.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Holland said:


> We are not married,* I own my house outright, he pays his fair share of the bills, food *and 95% of our travel and entertainment.
> This is our home in a relationship sense,* it is mine (and fully protected) in a legal sense.* We are both from previous marriages and individually own other properties that are protected legally. We are soon to buy a country property between us 50/50.
> 
> *My name is on the title but this is our home, we both work on it together and no one has the right to order the other out of it.*


Exact same situation. I own my own home -- fully paid for, titled in my name only -- but we share EVERYTHING in terms of living expenses, taxes, repairs, etc.

My home is in a trust. If I die first, my SO has all legal rights to remain there for the rest of his life as long as he pays taxes, homeowners fees, repairs, etc. When he dies, it all passes free and clear to my kids, fully paid for.

We chose NOT to get married because both of us had messy divorces from a financial standpoint -- business ownerships to sort out, tax liabilities, spouse's creditors, etc.

But OUR home is HIS home as much as MINE. I would NEVER threaten to kick him to the curb, make him feel UN-secure or like his home isn't his haven. HE OWNED the last house we lived in (free and clear) and he never made me feel unwelcome or that he was "put-upon" by my presence for a second. Ever.

Tell this troll of a husband that the next time he threatens for you to leave HIS home is the last time he will ever see you.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Guy here.

My Gf and I live in my house. This is the same house I had with my x wife. I have been careful not to take money from my gf for any of the renovations I have done because it is my house and if she left me tomorrow still going to be my house. That said I do refer to it as our place. We discuss and agree on changes made. I guess my house looked like a bachelor pad when she moved in and she brought with her color lol.

Although she never says it I can tell the memory of my x here bugs her a little. Awaiting to see how this promotion thing pans out but if well it may be time to sell his place and move on. It's the last piece of my old life I still have and honestly it's time for it to go.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

UMP said:


> That's funny. When I married my wife she insisted I sell the house I already had. She never really told me why until many years later.
> She said "I did not want to live in a house where you had f$ed other girls." :grin2:
> 
> I can appreciate that.
> ...


I like your wife's style. I did the same thing with my Ex, starting with his bed! 

I wish OP would take some of these responses to heart and open her eyes to what a withholding pr!ck she has married. 

She is truly a boarder who also gives him sex and I assume housework. The divorce is already discussed and planned for, along with the threat in case she tries to get what she is legally entitled to if she should retain one of those leeches she is against by principle. Lawyers aren't fun to hire, but I was glad mine was there when I needed him. He drafted a sweet settlement against my cheating Ex and made sure I had every angle covered. He was worth every penny, even got my Ex to pay his fee>


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Exact same situation. I own my own home -- fully paid for, titled in my name only -- but we share EVERYTHING in terms of living expenses, taxes, repairs, etc.
> 
> My home is in a trust. If I die first, my SO has all legal rights to remain there for the rest of his life as long as he pays taxes, homeowners fees, repairs, etc. When he dies, it all passes free and clear to my kids, fully paid for.
> 
> ...


When Mr H moved in I asked him what would make him feel like it was his home, his reply was to have some of his photos around, how easy was that? Just a small effort to make him feel at home. 
I had a huge vege garden built as he loves growing veges and it is something we can all do together.
But this was never my marital home so no ghosts of partners past, that certainly made it easier.

We have our financial futures set up a bit differently in that all our pre meeting assets are going to our respective children, not to each other.
We are now entering a phase of a joint asset when we buy our country property, it will be left to the other partner on death and all our existing assets will remain with our own kids.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

If he bought it before you were married it was originally his house. HE saved up the down payment. HE spent the time looking for it. HE took the risk. For conversational purposes it's his right to say it's his place, so just let it go. It's framed in his mind and it's probably not going to change anytime soon. This is just silly. 

He got married to you. By law (unless there was a prenup or depending on your area), it's half yours. In my opinion, that's bull****. It's outdated traditional crap that screws over men and women all over the world every single day...but that's just my opinion.

If your paying YOUR portion of utilities and YOUR portion of insurance, that's YOUR predicament. Start paying half of the mortgage and then you can rightfully say it's half yours. 

If you guys really love each other it shouldn't matter either way. 


My ex-wife abandoned our relationship and left me the house by default. I've done all the legal work to take full ownership. Sorry but if some lady comes along and wants to move in, I don't care how much we love each other...she's moving into MY house, and it will always be my house. There will definitely be a prenup.

My solution? It's his house. Either have him sell it and buy one together or just live with it. The fact that you are saving money by not having to contribute to the mortgage is awesome imo!!! But I am also very jewish with money.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

UMP said:


> That's funny. When I married my wife she insisted I sell the house I already had. She never really told me why until many years later.
> She said "I did not want to live in a house where you had f$ed other girls." :grin2:
> 
> I can appreciate that.
> ...


I too refused to move in with my hb until we got our own house. I had my own house and I wasn't giving it up to move into the house he had with his ex, who in many ways still felt like it was hers. He even hired her to sell it without talking to me and also wanted me to go along while he shopped with her for a new house.

Yeah, that didn't go well and we've had it out and moved past. But no way in hvll I was moving into that house with my kids. 

And there was the fvcking other women in that house and bed. Sorry, not living there. 

We got married after he bought our new house and I wasn't thrilled about not having my name on it. He refied it and now it's ours. I pay a large chunk of bills here so it's the least I can get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

EnigmaGirl said:


> I had this problem with my first marriage when we were still engaged. I moved into the house he bought without my input and it was awful. We fought all the time.
> 
> So I moved out and broke up with him and insisted that I wouldn't get back together with him unless we bought our own house together.
> 
> ...


Yeah, unless you fall straight back onto another one making the same mistakes, then you may have well stayed in the first crappy relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I didn't experience any of those issues when I married DH and moved into the house he owned. Didn't care about the ex having lived there either. I guess when I think about it, there's no way I could marry a person who didn't invest everything into the marriage. He had more than me in assets but he didn't care about that. We both knew it wouldn't matter who owned what because we would be together forever anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I moved into my husband's house when we married. We both had solid jobs with similar salaries and benefits. He had a very low mortgage payment because it was a starter house in a city with a very affordable cost of living.

We went to a dreaded lawyer before the wedding and had her draw up an agreement between us regarding any property that we were bringing to the marriage. We hashed out a schedule whereby I would gradually accrue ownership of the house (based on monetary and sweat equity). I recognized that he bought and owned the house & he recognized that we should make an effort to make me a co-owner. Initially, I had a much smaller percentage of ownership than he, but that increased over time until we were 50/50 partners.

You are dead set against lawyers, but it worked well for us.


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## Euroinus (Jul 31, 2015)

pragmaster said:


> If he bought it before you were married it was originally his house. HE saved up the down payment. HE spent the time looking for it. HE took the risk. For conversational purposes it's his right to say it's his place, so just let it go. It's framed in his mind and it's probably not going to change anytime soon. This is just silly.
> 
> He got married to you. By law (unless there was a prenup or depending on your area), it's half yours. In my opinion, that's bull****. It's outdated traditional crap that screws over men and women all over the world every single day...but that's just my opinion.
> 
> ...


You are not Jewish I agree with you, I can't contribute because he owns the house outrigt, no mortgage or rent. He has talked about how much I save not needing to pay rent. There is no other way the one who has more ends up supporting the other. Charging your wif rent would be weird I think. We have had that conversation too.

I have done ton of work on the property you have no idea I am like a skilled contractor that worked for room and board and that's fine with me I just don't like to be ordered " the Fvck out of HIS house". 

Sometimes I wish we could buy together but I am also 10 years younger and don't havevthe assets .. Yet.


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