# Seeing The World In A Different Light



## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

As a result of my WW's actions, I now see the world in a completely different way. It is really hard to explain, but once upon a time, if I saw a couple holding hands I would be like "Ah, that's nice." Now I look and think to myself that sooner or later one will cheat on the other.

Anybody else feel like this?

The world has been stripped of it's romance and magic.

I am so cynical and full of sadness. I don't think I could ever trust anyone with my heart again.


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## trish79 (May 25, 2012)

Yes, I feel this way too. Whatever simplicity and honesty I used to feel when I see people together is completely gone. Horrible feeling.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Give yourself time. All those films, songs, and couples holding hands looks like a lie at the moment. That is reasonable, bu t it does pass.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Your thoughts are completely normal.

I too am struggling with the odd world that has been bestowed upon me so harshly.

When I see a family biking together, I think "I bet she didn't cheat on her husband" or 
"I bet they're happy enough not to cheat".

The air smells different now.
The sun shines differently.
I pay attention to the wind blowing and birds chirping.
It's strange and borderline surreal at times.

I try to attribute it to being my "awakening". I've been in a living
slumber for over 12 years and now, I'm finally seeing things 
for what they are, and not what they appeared to be. While it scares me at times, 
I'm at least able to take a moment to reflect
and tell myself that from this moment on, I will be in control
of my happiness and not my WW... who had my all and squandered it so badly for nothing.

Hang in there. You're not alone.


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

happiness is real. but nobodys perfect. and everyone you see has their issues too. the grass is never greener on the other side. you can and will be happy with time. get interested in things that make you feel good and take your mind off of the pain. everyday you get a little stronger. just keep moving forward!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Time will heal all wounds.

Whether it is with the WS that is remorseful or with someone new you will someday look down at the hand you are holding and smile again.

Make it your destiny.......

And if you are still in limbo or that bad place go take a friend or one of your children for a walk. Grab their hand, look down at both of your hands clasped together to remind you what love and friendship is all about.

It works for me!!!!

HM64


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

sounds like depression


depression is not being able to see a realistic and happy future


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

What your feeling is normal. You will move through it, but if the melancholy doesn't go away you need to seek psychiatric help and maybe get on meds. They are not perfect and have irritating side effects, but they can help smooth out the emotional ups and downs.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Thanks to all that have taken the time to read and reply.

I'm not depressed (pretty sure), and I am healthier than I have been in a long time. I'm glad I'm not the only one.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Your thoughts are completely normal.
> 
> I too am struggling with the odd world that has been bestowed upon me so harshly.
> 
> ...


I think the same thing..I see a couple and think they are so lucky they don't have to deal with this issue in their relationship.

Or because H had an EA on me...I see other guys I know and think enviously, they have too much integrity to do what H did to me. Although I am happy I think this because I do not want to be the type of woman that thinks well every guy does it....because I do not believe that at all.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

My neighbours laughing with their sons before all 4 climbed into their car together had me weeping buckets yesterday

It was an instant but almost physically painful pang of loss and envy

I can't say I've even noticed their comings and goings before !


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

How I described it to my H was that I had this fairly tale life and it got ripped into pieces when I found out everything. So yes, my outlook on everything has changed. I'm not depressed. I just have a more realistic view on relationships, love and my expectations. Am I more sarcastic? Yes, sometimes. Do I have rose-colored glasses? Nope, those got smashed in the upheaval.

I got married too young, so yes now I advise students that work for me to wait-not to get married at 22. Is that bitter? No. Do I wish someone cared enough to give me straight talk then? Yes.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

This was difficult for me , as well. I was angry that the world and people were not like i wished they were. The world and people just were not cooperating and things were much scarier than I realized.
But, now a couple concepts help me. 
First, i know that i can survive a ton of pain. Nothing, except something bad happening to one of my kids, can hurt me this badly again. I feel like "bring it on, I can take anything".
Second, I just started taking control of my life. I cannot control other people, just myself. I rely only on myself. It is safer and makes more sense.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

BrokenMan said:


> As a result of my WW's actions, I now see the world in a completely different way. It is really hard to explain, but once upon a time, if I saw a couple holding hands I would be like "Ah, that's nice." Now I look and think to myself that sooner or later one will cheat on the other.
> 
> Anybody else feel like this?
> 
> ...


alway keep a little of that cynisism with you.

because your 50% right when you see some couple holding hands and you think which one of them is going to cheat on the other.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I'm with Oscar Wilde: A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Cynicism will eat your life if you let it. Don't let it.


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## 2nd Time Mom (Jun 12, 2012)

I just get jealous.... I know it's wrong but I do.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

It's made me more emotionally open. I cry more during movies. I'm kinder to strangers in public (not that I was ever rude) but I spend more time talking to people who strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store. I guess I wonder what they are dealing with in their lives so I feel so much more compassion now. 

But I do get the loss and the sadness. I look back at photos taken before the A and I feel grief and wish we could go back in time.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

ing said:


> Give yourself time. All those films, songs, and couples holding hands looks like a lie at the moment. That is reasonable, bu t it does pass.


:iagree:


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I can see what you mean. Just right now I was walking home from a restaurant and I saw a young couple window-shopping houses outside an estate agent. All I could think about is that they're probably get divorced soon.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

highwood said:


> I think the same thing..I see a couple and think they are so lucky they don't have to deal with this issue in their relationship.
> 
> Or because H had an EA on me...I see other guys I know and think enviously, they have too much integrity to do what H did to me. Although I am happy I think this because I do not want to be the type of woman that thinks well every guy does it....because I do not believe that at all.


I am the opposite. I think "You probably just dont know yet". A friend of mine(she doesnt know about my H's EA) said "I trust my H, he isnt about to do anything to put his family at risk" she said that about his spending time with a female coworker outside of work. She said it, I said nothing but I thought "wow, I used to think that. How naive."

I know now that everyone/anyone is suseptible if they have poor boundaries. This was my H's problem. Poor boundaries and an ego that needed constant stroking. He is addressing both issues. Thank goodness. But I am much more cynical than I used to be when it comes to the 'fairy tale'.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Thanks to everyone for responding.

I guess, deep down, I know there must be loyal, honest people out there (this site has loads of genuine, caring people). It's just really hard not to be so pessimistic about love and stuff.

Kind regards.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

lamaga said:


> I'm with Oscar Wilde: A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
> 
> Cynicism will eat your life if you let it. Don't let it.


Remember what happened to Oscar Wilde? Maybe he would have been better off if he had been a bit more cynical.


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