# Is there such thing as too much of a good thing?



## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

OK TAMers, not sure what to do about this one, hoping you all can guide me here, so here goes:

I'm 45, W is 44. Married 22 years, together 25. Our sex life over the 25 years has been on the exceptional side of the scale, when considered in total. With bits of below average at points over that time - three kids 16, 15, 5. She's a SAHM, great mother, great W, thoughtful, caring, sharing, giving. She's open to most anything sexually, we have numerous toys, including crops, nipple clamps, vibes, c-rings, hand/foot cuffs (very light BDSM). Oral/digital/PIV, multiple positions, most anything goes. And she O's multiple times per session. So overall, life is great.

So a few weeks ago we were in our local adult toy shop and she fell in love with the We-Vibe III, a _couples vibrator_. You all can navigate to the link I provided for a proper schooling on the full benefits of this toy vs standard bullets, etc. It certainly appeared to be a game-changer. Given that we'd been looking for a good remote control panty vibe, and my W uses a bullet on her clit when we have PIV intercourse, this We-Vibe seemed like the Holy Grail.

Well, given its steep price north of $130, it took me a while to buy it, but it arrived on Tuesday. My W was SO excited for it to arrive, she opened it like a 5 year old on Christmas morning.

Too much kid crap Tuesday night, so we put it to its inaugural use on Wednesday. Wow. It's everything we thought it would be and more. Her O's were off-the-charts intense, achieving three separate and distinct feelings simultaneously - PIV, clitoral, and G-spot stimulation. It was really crazy. If sex before was an 11, then with this, the scale only expanded, of course with 11 being the high end (sorry, for those that have not seen the movie This is Spinal Tap, this may be lost on you). 

My W needed a break last night, as we're planning to celebrate Valentines day this weekend to avoid the stress of the all-on rush on the 14th. OK. No problem, I'm pretty tired, anyway, so I'll be patient. This morning, my W tells me that she's been thinking about the We-Vibe...that with great power, comes great responsibility..."we need to be careful no to use it too much." Huh? How can something that provides such mind-blowing pleasure be overused? Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want is to bring predictability/monotony into our bed...I had no expectation to use it EVERY time, gotta keep the moves rotating to prevent relative boredom...

But why would pre-planning to deny such pleasure ever cross one's mind? I want EVERY sexual encounter to be awesome (even though I know that by definition 50% of the time we have sex, it's below average) - doesn't need to be PIV, in fact I don't even require that I orgasm - it's a give-and-take thing. Wouldn't raising the bar improve our sex life, generally, be a GOOD thing rather than something that needs to be managed?

So why does it bother me so much that my W is negotiating her pleasure, or, in turn, what pleasure she's willing to allow me to have? Am I looking at this wrong? Give me some guidance, friends...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Perhaps she doesn't want to become reliant on this one particular toy for sexual pleasure?

We have another WeVibe product, and my SO will also deliberately "ration" it's usage. It does typically result in spectacular results, including having to wash the waterproof blanket as well as the sex towels. But she doesn't want to get caught on relying on that crutch all the time. 

So don't take it personally. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I have, on several occasions, tried to introduce toys into the bedroom. I even bought one, once. My wife has repeatedly shot this idea down. She says she doesn't need anything else but me, and that she has never used one before, but I was looking to spice things up. I don't know if this is her exact hangup about it but she says she's afraid she'd become desensitized to the real thing if more powerful equipment were brought into the mix. I wish she'd be more open to more things like this. 

Sorry, I probably didn't help much.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sure, you can have too much of a good thing. It can either hurt you (though with this toy, the worst case may be desensitization to other stimulation, which wouldn't be good), or reduce the range, scope, and variety of other activities. Certainly, you don't want to become reliant on it. I think that's all she is saying here.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

PBear said:


> Perhaps she doesn't want to become reliant on this one particular toy for sexual pleasure?
> 
> We have another WeVibe product, and my SO will also deliberately "ration" it's usage. It does typically result in spectacular results, including having to wash the waterproof blanket as well as the sex towels. But she doesn't want to get caught on relying on that crutch all the time.
> 
> ...


I hear you. And I don't take it personally. And I guess I'm not really bothered by her restriction. The restriction of pleasure is just a foreign concept to me. It was just odd in my mind that she'd taken the time to think about limiting it.

And you are spot on...for th first time in my memory we alsohad to change the sheets the next morning. The ride was beyond anything sshe'd experienced...I say that because my pleasure was in the feedback loop seeing and experiencing her immense pleasure, amd wasn't physical to me. It was actually a bit uncomfy for me. But it has so may possible uses...

We're going out for dinner and a movie tonight and she'll be wearing it and I'll have the wireless remote...I just need to remember, with great power comea great responsibility. So of I abuse the remote, I'll have my crown removed. Dont want that at all...

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

NotTooSure said:


> We use to have and use lots of toys, she would buy some I would buy some. We would try anything, funny though we never got hung up on any particular one. Always seemed to have a good rotation of them or would just toss them out and find something new. Outside of her favorite dildo nothing ever was used twice in a row. We had never tried the We-Vibe (wasn't around then) but is sounds awesome! I do see the reviews are either 1 star or 5 star, looks like you need to be the right size for it.


We have a pretty large array of toys...we rotate them as well. Which is one of the reasons I found it odd to isolate this one into a rationing category, while others are not rationed...

As its name implies, there are at least three We-Vibes, actually, i think a this point only the We-Vibe 3 and 4 are available. The 4 is considerably larger and simply looked a bit more uncomfy for both of us. I don't see how it could score a 1...except that there's no feedback to the remote like there is with similar Lelo devices. So if I'm manipulating the vibe with the remote say from the other side of the dining table, I'll have no idea what setting it's on, or how many clicks will it take to turn it off (it's 6 clicks to off, but some of them "miss".

well worth the money. And I'll accept the rationing.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

You can't eat cake and ice-cream for every meal.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MSP said:


> You can't eat cake and ice-cream for every meal.


Sure you can. But there are consequences.

Put my wife down in the "not every time" camp as well. We have a We Vibe II, it works wonders, but she is concerned that she'll become dependent on it for arousal.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

MSP said:


> You can't eat cake and ice-cream for every meal.


I get that, but I don't make a rule that we can't have dessert every night ahead of time. We just don't have dessert every night, naturally, rather than by rule.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Strangely I dont care for the we-vibe that much. It took me 30 min to get there with it. I've had better results with other vibes.

Neither here nor there it's just noteable that different women have different reactions.

If you Google 11 uses for the we-vibe (I think it was 11 uses anyway) it gives some interesting variations, like the man wearing it on his penis or using it anal/vag and things like that.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Just speculating, 
Maybe she was afraid you would be expecting to use is and it would be a let down for you and that is why she told you in advance. 


Yes, I suppose that you can have too much of a good thing.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> Just speculating,
> Maybe she was afraid you would be expecting to use is and it would be a let down for you and that is why she told you in advance.
> 
> 
> Yes, I suppose that you can have too much of a good thing.


I can't imagine she thought that I'd expect to use it, it doesn't really do anything for me, it's a G-spot/clit simultaneous vibe...my benefit is the feedback loop i receive by seeing her so aroused.

That being said, she's used in in some manner every night since Thursday...so she's not even following her "rule". 

Let me tell you, a remote vibe with me in control of the remote ends up being quite a lot of fun. And she is correct, with great power comes great responsibility. I tried as hard as I could to be responsible.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

It's funny because my wife and I are looking for a new toy that we can use for PIV. She loves when I am top and we are looking for something to stimulate her while I can comfortably thrust. We heard about the WeVibe III through friends and reviews we read online. It was disappointing to read how it doesn't stay in place for most people and for that price I want it work! 

Is there another toy like WeVibe that will stay in place during missionary? We can't seem to find anything decent.


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## Outofluck (Feb 9, 2014)

"Is there such thing as too much of a good thing?"

Not if it's sex with the person you love!


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