# Feeling lost and purposeless after divorce



## leo10 (Jul 28, 2020)

I got a divorced after being engaged with a person for about 1 year and married for around 6 months. Most of the time was long distance but the relationship was toxic and I felt more stressful while being in that relationship. I only understood after wards that what I was dealing with, a narcsissitic person. I am glad that it is over and my friends and family were quite supportive too. It's been over a year since the divorce. I have a job and I am totally focusing on myself right now. I am also trying to reconnect with God as well. But sometimes I get these feelings of sadness as if what's the purpose of working? Sometimes I feel not not wanting to work although I am very passionate about the field I am working in. I keep thinking who am I doing it for? I don't have any kids or a marriage. What's the purpose of my life? What should I do? I see my aging parents and get sad that they will not be here with me forever. Can I really trust someone again? What if I don't find anyone again? Can I live alone? I am constantly trying to change the person I was before marriage so that I don't fall for something like that again. This person I was with would constantly highlight how everything I did was wrong and how I am not pretty enough or good enough in house work or how I am so passionate about my career when I should focus more on him and he saw my career as if I was neglecting him. I feel like part of the reason I am trying to be a new person is to not let anyone else say the same things about me again. Although the divorce brought a good change in me but I am worried and anxious about future.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Life is all about moving forward, you made a mistake, learn from it and keep living. That's how you recover, every new day starts fresh.


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## anewday (Jul 29, 2020)

leo10 said:


> I got a divorced after being engaged with a person for about 1 year and married for around 6 months. Most of the time was long distance but the relationship was toxic and I felt more stressful while being in that relationship. I only understood after wards that what I was dealing with, a narcsissitic person. I am glad that it is over and my friends and family were quite supportive too. It's been over a year since the divorce. I have a job and I am totally focusing on myself right now. I am also trying to reconnect with God as well. But sometimes I get these feelings of sadness as if what's the purpose of working? Sometimes I feel not not wanting to work although I am very passionate about the field I am working in. I keep thinking who am I doing it for? I don't have any kids or a marriage. What's the purpose of my life? What should I do? I see my aging parents and get sad that they will not be here with me forever. Can I really trust someone again? What if I don't find anyone again? Can I live alone? I am constantly trying to change the person I was before marriage so that I don't fall for something like that again. This person I was with would constantly highlight how everything I did was wrong and how I am not pretty enough or good enough in house work or how I am so passionate about my career when I should focus more on him and he saw my career as if I was neglecting him. I feel like part of the reason I am trying to be a new person is to not let anyone else say the same things about me again. Although the divorce brought a good change in me but I am worried and anxious about future.


It’s very ironic to me that I just joined, this was the very first post I read, and so much I could relate to. My divorce is still pending because divorcing a narcissist is a challenge as they can’t handle seeing their ego hurt so they will fight back at every angle possible, luckily I have a lawyer, and one day I will be divorced. I also don’t have any kids and it’s now just me again. I haven’t been alone for 12 years and I am so anxious for the future. I don’t know how I will ever trust anyone ever again, I will never get married again, but do want to be in a relationship again at some point, so I don’t know how that will work. I then realize I’m thinking too far ahead and need to focus on myself and heal from the emotional and verbal abuse first and just be me. I still wake up and can’t believe I actually got the courage to leave as I wanted to for 9 years and finally I did it. I’m stronger than I thought I was and so are you. One day at a time. We can do this.


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## leo10 (Jul 28, 2020)

anewday said:


> It’s very ironic to me that I just joined, this was the very first post I read, and so much I could relate to. My divorce is still pending because divorcing a narcissist is a challenge as they can’t handle seeing their ego hurt so they will fight back at every angle possible, luckily I have a lawyer, and one day I will be divorced. I also don’t have any kids and it’s now just me again. I haven’t been alone for 12 years and I am so anxious for the future. I don’t know how I will ever trust anyone ever again, I will never get married again, but do want to be in a relationship again at some point, so I don’t know how that will work. I then realize I’m thinking too far ahead and need to focus on myself and heal from the emotional and verbal abuse first and just be me. I still wake up and can’t believe I actually got the courage to leave as I wanted to for 9 years and finally I did it. I’m stronger than I thought I was and so are you. One day at a time. We can do this.


I am happy for you that you took such a brave decision. I guess you are right about being strong. If we had not been brave enough, we could not get out of narcsissitic relationship. The key is to have no contact in order to gain mental peace. Another thing I learnt is that having good friends and family around you can make a huge difference too. The more you interact with people, the more happy you feel about it.


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