# Infidelity- considering divorce



## Ash21 (Nov 18, 2021)

Hi! I’m new to this discussion and was hoping to find some support or answers. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 10. We have 3 small children, 5, 2 and 1. A few years ago, someone husband reached out to me and said my husband and her have been talking since the start of our relationship. He travels for work and is gone a lot. He met her on a trip and has slept with her twice and continued talking to her till about 2018 when she broke the conversation off. I confronted him, he was sorry. Later on I found all these girls numbers in his phone under guys name that he would talk to constantly sexually. He got really secretive on how he hid women. We went to counseling, saw two different doctors, he said he changed. A couple weekends ago he got drunk and must have fallen asleep with his phone open. I looked and found he was talking to women through kik. I got one of the girls names and reached out to her. Unbeknown to me he reached out to her the next day and told her I might reach out to her and don’t talk to me. She did anyways and told me what he did. He met her through tinder and they met out and had dinner, he was planning on meeting her again at the end of the month.. He said he was divorced and only had 2 kids. I asked him to his face, lied to me, I asked if there was tinder, he lied to be in my eyes, because I made him look me in the eyes. He ended up telling me he slept with 3 people. But I don’t believe that, bc when I actually add up all the girls that I know about it’s at least 4. He said he only met 3 people on tinder, but I actually told him those three I knew about, which he didn’t add anymore information. There’s so much more I can’t even explain. He tells me now he has a sex addition. I caught him on craigs list reaching out to women. I don’t know why but i feel sorry for him and scared to leave him. Im so torn but im so hurt inside. We truly have never had a relationship. He says he goes to women when we’re fighting and don’t know really know the triggers. He’s very manipulating so I don’t know if he’s just lying to me or there’s a real problem and he could change. I feel so awful for our kids. I don’t know what to do!! I’m sorry for rambling! I’m so back and forth! I don’t know what to do!! Is he capable of changing? He says he wants to change.


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## Burner4n (Sep 10, 2021)

Ash21 said:


> Hi! I’m new to this discussion and was hoping to find some support or answers. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 10. We have 3 small children, 5, 2 and 1. A few years ago, someone husband reached out to me and said my husband and her have been talking since the start of our relationship. He travels for work and is gone a lot. He met her on a trip and has slept with her twice and continued talking to her till about 2018 when she broke the conversation off. I confronted him, he was sorry. Later on I found all these girls numbers in his phone under guys name that he would talk to constantly sexually. He got really secretive on how he hid women. We went to counseling, saw two different doctors, he said he changed. A couple weekends ago he got drunk and must have fallen asleep with his phone open. I looked and found he was talking to women through kik. I got one of the girls names and reached out to her. Unbeknown to me he reached out to her the next day and told her I might reach out to her and don’t talk to me. She did anyways and told me what he did. He met her through tinder and they met out and had dinner, he was planning on meeting her again at the end of the month.. He said he was divorced and only had 2 kids. I asked him to his face, lied to me, I asked if there was tinder, he lied to be in my eyes, because I made him look me in the eyes. He ended up telling me he slept with 3 people. But I don’t believe that, bc when I actually add up all the girls that I know about it’s at least 4. He said he only met 3 people on tinder, but I actually told him those three I knew about, which he didn’t add anymore information. There’s so much more I can’t even explain. He tells me now he has a sex addition. I caught him on craigs list reaching out to women. I don’t know why but i feel sorry for him and scared to leave him. Im so torn but im so hurt inside. We truly have never had a relationship. He says he goes to women when we’re fighting and don’t know really know the triggers. He’s very manipulating so I don’t know if he’s just lying to me or there’s a real problem and he could change. I feel so awful for our kids. I don’t know what to do!! I’m sorry for rambling! I’m so back and forth!


Hi Ash21, very sorry to hear what you are going through and its so sad that children are suffering in the process. How old are you two ?
It looks like you have already figured out the kind of a person your husband is. Reading your post, it looks like you are the only one wanting to make this relationship work, on the other hand, your husband seem incapable to commit to the relationship despite being together for so long. I do not see how he is respecting you here, his never ending affairs shows lack of respect for his family. Truth is he will continue trickling information to you mostly admitting only to what you already know/found out rarely cheaters tells the truth without being caught red handed/ no tangible evidence. Side effects of this is it will wore you down, headaches, constantly replaying scenes in your mind, having nightmares, worse off stds. I would suggest that you see a therapist by yourself so that you can address your own mental health and how you can be supported going forward. I can only hope that someone here can provide you with sound advise to easy your mind and help repair your relationship or start afresh if thats what you want. Be mindful of your husband's manipulation/gaslighting making you feel like you're the crazy one.
All the best and stay strong.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your husband is a liar. He is also a cheater and manipulator. This man lacks integrity and character. Do you want to raise your children in a home with this person?

I'd suggest you discuss your options with a family law attorney. Frankly, I don't know why you would consider staying with this man. He sounds hideous.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Ash21 

I merge your two threads. You will get better input with one thread for a topic.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ash21 said:


> Is he capable of changing? He says he wants to change.


Does he act on impulse with a lot other things, or is it just with this one issue?

He could change. Anyone can change if they truly want to. It would take both of you going to marriage counseling and him seeing a psychiatrist as well. And it would take the two of you having strict rules such as he only has access to a phone and the internet if you can monitor everything he is doing... for years if not forever. You'd have to monitor it so that he had that pressure of knowing that there were always eyes on him. It's exhausting and I don't know if you want to live like that.

Of course there is a chance that he does not have a sex addiction but instead is just one those people who are don't really care about others, even those he is closest to.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Ash21 said:



I confronted him, he was sorry. Later on I found all these girls numbers in his phone under guys name that he would talk to constantly sexually.

Click to expand...

*Oh good. That makes it all better when they say "I'm sorry."    

*



He got really secretive on how he hid women. We went to counseling, saw two different doctors, he said he changed. A couple weekends ago he got drunk and must have fallen asleep with his phone open. I looked and found he was talking to women through kik.

Click to expand...

*You mean the magic words "I'm sorry" *didn't *make one bit of difference?

*



But I don’t believe that, bc when I actually add up all the girls that I know about it’s at least 4.

Click to expand...

*Your mistake is thinking you've CAUGHT this lying sack of **** every time he's cheated. Stop being naive. For every time you DO catch him, there are probably 10 times you DON'T.

Time to stop being naive!

Just because you don't want to face what a lying, cheating POS you married doesn't make the truth go away. I too married a serial cheating, lying piece of ****. I left him and took my son with me. You can keep pretending your serial cheating POS is going to have an epiphany and change, or you can face *REALITY* and find your dignity and be done with him.

PS - I'm still laughing at his ridiculous "I'm a sex addict!" excuse. You do know way too many cheaters use that nonsense when they're caught with their pants down don't you? He's pathetic.

Be done with this serial cheating POS already.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ash21 said:


> Hi! I’m new to this discussion and was hoping to find some support or answers. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 10. We have 3 small children, 5, 2 and 1. A few years ago, someone husband reached out to me and said my husband and her have been talking since the start of our relationship. He travels for work and is gone a lot. He met her on a trip and has slept with her twice and continued talking to her till about 2018 when she broke the conversation off. I confronted him, he was sorry. Later on I found all these girls numbers in his phone under guys name that he would talk to constantly sexually. He got really secretive on how he hid women. We went to counseling, saw two different doctors, he said he changed. A couple weekends ago he got drunk and must have fallen asleep with his phone open. I looked and found he was talking to women through kik. I got one of the girls names and reached out to her. Unbeknown to me he reached out to her the next day and told her I might reach out to her and don’t talk to me. She did anyways and told me what he did. He met her through tinder and they met out and had dinner, he was planning on meeting her again at the end of the month.. He said he was divorced and only had 2 kids. I asked him to his face, lied to me, I asked if there was tinder, he lied to be in my eyes, because I made him look me in the eyes. He ended up telling me he slept with 3 people. But I don’t believe that, bc when I actually add up all the girls that I know about it’s at least 4. He said he only met 3 people on tinder, but I actually told him those three I knew about, which he didn’t add anymore information. There’s so much more I can’t even explain. He tells me now he has a sex addition. I caught him on craigs list reaching out to women. I don’t know why but i feel sorry for him and scared to leave him. Im so torn but im so hurt inside. We truly have never had a relationship. He says he goes to women when we’re fighting and don’t know really know the triggers. He’s very manipulating so I don’t know if he’s just lying to me or there’s a real problem and he could change. I feel so awful for our kids. I don’t know what to do!! I’m sorry for rambling! I’m so back and forth! I don’t know what to do!! Is he capable of changing? He says he wants to change.


When he says he wants to change, what he means is that he wants to get better at hiding his affairs from you. If he says different he’s lying.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

He's a serial cheater. The ONLY thing that'll change with him, is he'll try to better hide his continued and neverending cheating on you! RUN...straight to a lawyer and find out your rights and how to extricate yourself from this marriage!


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Run. Find out what you're legally entitled to, start protecting yourself and your children, and work toward getting away from this potential walking carrier for diseases. He can claim he wants to change all he wants, but that means nothing if there are no steps taken to actually work on changing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You can do the hard thing and leave now, and experience the pain we all go through when ending a relationship….. Or, you can stay and keep that pain up indefinitely abd at higher levels. Sometimes what a oerson needs to do is listen to their brain/logic and tell the emotional part of the mind to shut the hell up. 

It’s your choice, leave or be miserable for years. Simple as that. He will not ever stop cheating. He’s not a sex addict, he’s a cheating addict. The key is that it’s an addiction. People rarely if ever break addictions.


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## Ash21 (Nov 18, 2021)

Thank you all for responding, every response and word means so much to me!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Oh good. That makes it all better when they say "I'm sorry."
> 
> 
> You mean the magic words "I'm sorry" *didn't *make one bit of difference?
> ...


Yes isn't it pathetic when that excuse of 'I am a sex addict' is used. I remember when Tiger Woods used that one.


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## meme4321 (Aug 9, 2021)

Oh man, I've heard the "I might be a sex addict" thing before. I think you better ask yourself a few questions. Can you accept that this is your life forever? I mean, do you want to be with him and keep your family together enough to accept the cheating for the long haul? In my experience, the chances of him changing that drastically are very, very slim. You will need to just accept that he's going to do these things if you choose to stay. Second, will you ever actually trust him even if he does make a miraculous change? I'm guessing both answers are no. Girl, I lived this. I'm 19 years down the road in my marriage and let me tell you, it does not change. It might go away for a little while, but at the first sign of hard times, he'll go looking again. In the end, the problem is in him and not with you. Your kids are young enough to not be crushed by a divorce. Be strong and move forward for yourself and for the fact that this is not a relationship that you want to show your children is normal.


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