# Not sure what to expect



## trial1120 (Jun 30, 2010)

We've been married for almost 29 years. I've been wanting to leave for years. My youngest is 14 and I didn't want our separation or divorce to have an adverse affect on her. Now I see that the bad relationship had a worse affect on my youngest daughter. I just found out she cuts herself when we fight.

It's enough, already. We have been living like roommates for years, now. There is no intimacy. When we are getting along, we are friends. I always tell him we should live in two separate houses next to each other. We can spend time together, our girls can go back and forth as they please, but we can retreat to our own space at the end of the day. When I told him a few months ago that I was thinking about leaving, but that I wanted there to be no animosity, and I wanted us to get along for the sake of our girls, he indicated he will not be as willing as I am to move forward on good terms.

Today, I took the leap and put a deposit on an apartment. I know this is the right thing for me and for my girls. I think it is the right thing for him, but he just doesn't know it yet. I went home at lunch to tell him about the apartment, that I was thinking of putting down a deposit and did he want to talk about things to determine how we should handle everything. He won't even talk to me. He can't be surprised. He's been just as unhappy as I have been. He's quite often verbally abusive, making mention of my weight, and other things. We haven't been intimate for years! Why is he now acting like the shocked and injured party?

I find myself crying, not out of my own pain, but because I am worried about him. We cannot get divorced. He needs my healthcare. I'm worried about where he'll live. (Right now, we're lucky enough to be renting a house on a month-to-month lease. He can live anywhere he wants, now, and I'm worried he won't even work on getting a place of his own. He can stay in the house, but I don't think he can afford it on his own.)

Sorry about my rambling. One little part of me feels more in control than I have been in a long time. The other part worries about him, and about my daughters (who seem to be handling everything fine.)


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## trial1120 (Jun 30, 2010)

I just talked to my husband. He thinks this is a stage I'm going through, that I'll never be happy, and if I need to leave to prove that I won't be happy anywhere, then fine. He, again, confirmed that he thinks the problem is me and not him. I don't know if I should be mad that he continues to think I'm the only one with the problem, or if I should be relieved that he really didn't seem that upset about the whole thing.


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