# Withdrawn H, any suggestions please!



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

My H gave the ILYBNILWY speech about three weeks ago. He also said i deserved better and that he just wanted to be alone. He is self employed and the past year has been difficult. He never takes a day off, or very rarely. I know he was saying some time before that he felt like he didn't know who he was anymore. We've had a very good marriage I think, no arguments, lots of affection and communication, although he often doesn't open up to me. Sex was a bit lacking in the last year due to stress on both our parts. I love him very much and we have been married 12 years. We've always supported each other and encouraged each to be the best we could be. There was always much affection between us. 

He gave me the speech on the phone from Ireland where he goes for work. (we live on the uk). And he has stayed there since. He has a very good friend there who had put him up in a b&b. There is no OW. My H isnt talking to me, he texts about finances now and again, thats it. He hasn't been in touch with any friends, or his sister who he is very close to. 

I am doing the 180. I have been NC except once or twice when I tried to tak to him but he said he wanted to be alone. I think he may be depressed. 

Any advice? Any thoughts?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He's in Ireland. How would you know if there was an OW?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Sounds like depression. When is he due back home and can you get him to see a doctor?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

His actions sounds like a man who is either cheating or has been hurt very badly. Assuming you have not hurt him (cheated yourself, rejected him sexually, disrespected him etc...) I think you have to investigate cheating. ILYBINILWY is usually code for cheating by the way.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Sounds like depression. When is he due back home and can you get him to see a doctor?


No idea, am hoping when he does get back he will agree to IC counselling.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> His actions sounds like a man who is either cheating or has been hurt very badly. Assuming you have not hurt him (cheated yourself, rejected him sexually, disrespected him etc...) I think you have to investigate cheating. ILYBINILWY is usually code for cheating by the way.


No I've done nothing of the sort. I am aware he may be cheating, tho. I would be surprised at this- however you never know and I've seen enough instances on TAM. Not much I can do either way, I'm hoping not, obv.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> ILYBINILWY is usually code for cheating by the way.


:iagree:


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Perhaps it started as his mid-life crisis stage, then mixed with stress, anxiety, and depression. But, now it sounds as though there is another woman. That could have been his answer to the mid-life crisis, stress, anxiety, and depression. It lifted his spirits, so to speak. The friend in Ireland could be covering for him. And the reason he is not in contact with close family and friends because he is ashamed--He knows darn well they wouldn't approve. I definitely went through all of this with my estranged husband.

Do you have children?


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

"You deserve someone better" IS also code for cheating. Oh wait, did he say you deserve better as in "financially"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

827Aug said:


> Do you have children?


No


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

BookOfJob said:


> "You deserve someone better" IS also code for cheating. Oh wait, did he say you deserve better as in "financially"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It may be financial as things have been very much up and down, but hard to say without being able to talk with him. I am just doing hardcore 180 for all I'm worth.


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