# Are these normal feelings?



## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

We have been physically separated 2 months. When he moved out, he said no chance for Reconciling. So after many tearful days and nights, I accepted that.

Now I have started my plans to move forward. But in the back of my mind, I hope that he comes to me before we get on the airplane and leave for good, and says that he doesnt want us to go and that he wants to get counseling now. He refused it at the beginning.

I just want to say thank you but it's too late. I cannot accept a man that can simply walk away from his wife and kids to be with someone "he can talk to". And no he hasn't admitted the affair, even though I showed him their chat records.

I guess I just want my say. I want to hear that he made a mistake, but there is no way I can forgive for what he has done.

Has anyone else felt this way?


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I think we all go through that stage both men and women because well Im a man.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Absolutely normal, you are wanting your husband to come to his senses and be part of the person you know. Then as part of the hurt reject him as he's rejected you. I've fantisised about the very same thing. Though mine is usually months/years after our divorce and I've met someone else.

I go back and forth between wanting to forget about her and wanting her back. Only you know what is right for you. If putting him behind you because you can't forgive is the right place for you noone else can argue.

Be mindful that it can take a minimum of 3 months to come to grips with your feelings and that you will feel a lot of conflicting emotions.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Yes, they are normal, we all have had them. Just don't put too much hope in them becoming reality. No matter how right it would be. When people make decisions as major as leaving their base and support, they think they have thought it out and are making the best choices for themselves. If he does, it will only require you to make some harder choices, but if he doesn't life will move forward for you. I pray for the best for you and your family.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

those are normal thoughts ....I hope the same from my wife.
I don't foresee it happening but I think about it more than I would like to admit. Its hard to turn off the feelings...


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## bromhexine (Sep 5, 2011)

Men.. They primarily just want to spill their seed wherever and whenever they can. I myself cannot stand my wife and have been living all alone in a foreign land for two years for her. But the thought of being away from my daughter for even one day.. I think any man who can just run off with someone else like that is not worth missing. Unfortunately it's getting more and more common. Just try to be thankful that he's gone and now you have the chance to meet a real man.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

I appreciate everyones response. I know that I am kidding myself to think that I will ever get my say. I do hope this is a phase I pass through quickly.

I don't think I would dwell on it as much, if he had told me anything. I was told "she's just a friend that I can talk to and I like her". Two weeks later he packed his bags and left. He has never given me a reason, but did tell our youngest that he just can't get along with mommy anymore.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dont drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out. He is having a affair and you need to go see a lawyer and get ready to file for a divorce and let him know you are planning on it. And I hate to tell you it will not be easy and will be a tough path but just like us you can do it and we will support you all the way. You do not need someone like that in your life you deserve better than that. They always say they are just a friend but dont fall for that BS if they insist they can talk to them then they have a attachment.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

@Lost.. I know he is having an affair. I filed for legal separation. After the kids and I are settled back in the US, I will then file for divorce. As long as we are separated, he must pay child support and a housing allowance. He seems in no hurry to get a divorce so I will set myself up the best I can.

We are already down the divorce path. It doesn's seem to bother him that he won't see his kids but once a year.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Good deal sounds like you have a game plan together. I would file for Divorce ASAP so you can begin to heal and figure out the direction you want to go in your life. 

It might not bother him now but it will when his fling leaves him hanging it will hit him and that will happen. As far as the kids that will hit him hard when it finally settles in if he is any type of man at all that will hurt like h#ll.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

I do have a plan. I just need to leave this country and return to the states. That is the hold up now. I hope to do that next month so the real healing can begin.

For me there is no turning back. Doesnt matter what he ever says at this point. Our sons will learn soon enough what happened. I cannot stay here and let him model that kind of behavior for them. I have good boys and I want them to respect their wives.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I can understand where you are coming from on that. When there are kids involved people do not think how it affects them and the outlook on life they might have. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers. Just keep your head up and know that not all men are like that.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

Thanks....and for the prayer too...I hope to meet one of those respectable men one day.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

NP well we are all here for you. You will one day and Im hoping one day I will find that woman but that might be a good while before I am ready for anything like that lol. People dont realize what this mess puts people through and the feelings involved.


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## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

I feel ya... I want my ex to realize she f'ed up and wants me now. But i know ill never be able to love her again because there will be no trust. So i know what your going thru. You want somebody but you know their no good.


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## bromhexine (Sep 5, 2011)

Perhaps the problem with society is we think that just one spouse is enough to satisfy us. Maybe if we can admit to ourselves what we really feel and be open and honest about it with our lovers then hurtful things like this won't happen. maybe thats just how it is for men though. I've always been loyal with my wife and past girlfriends even when they werent all that attractive and left somethings to be desired. I knew deep inside that the only thing that would really satisfy is something new and someone different. Are women like that too and just don't admit it? Anyhow regardless of if he loves you or not he has a responsibility to always be there for his children and he let the ball drop on that. That's something really hard to excuse.


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