# Low “T”, need a libido boost and other ramblings/questions…



## Oddity (Jul 18, 2013)

Alright, long time lurker, first time poster here. Apologies in advance if this is all over the place. Not exactly sure what I’m looking for, guess just comments/thoughts etc… Just feel like I need to put something down in writing. 

So here we go,

I’m married with two kids for about three years. In the past year or so our sex life has gone downhill. Now there are numerous reasons for this, from kids to stress at work etc. The one that sticks out to me however was the fact that I’ve gone “soft” a bunch of times. Now the first few times, no biggie but after it happened in successive “attempts” my wife let it be known how “frustrating/pissed off” she is about it. Now I used to watch porn and masturbate frequently but since that stuff started happening I’ve given that up (still masturbate the occasional time, but nowhere near what I was doing before). I’ve tried herbal to no avail, so went to the doctor. Now this doesn’t happen all the time, just occasionally however when you only have sex probably an average of once a month it doesn’t help. Doctor said I have very low “Testosterone” which could be part of the problem so I have been on Andorgel for the past two months. It hasn’t seemed to help however as my desire is zilch. I’ve been told to take the androgel for three months but feel like I want to get tested at two and possibly try something else. I know low “T” isn’t the end all of everything but I certainly believe it will help. On a side note, I frequently fantasize about my wife and the things I will do to her. When push comes to shove though, I got nothing. The few times I have tried she’s either been “not in the mood” or “depressed with the state of her life”. We have two kids and real difficult 1 yr old. Add this to my “issues” and it doesn’t seem like it will get any better soon. Now one thing I will say is I love, make that LOVE to give oral. I could easily do that every morning. However nice it may seem, she wants penetration to follow. 

Now to try to spice things up/get back into it I’ve recently bought some items that we’ve talked in the past about trying but never have (light bondage). I’m curious to try it out on her as I think it would be quite the shock and she’s mentioned numerous times for me to be more aggressive. I just need to get over that horrible feeling in my head that I will go to this effort only to have a “softy” and her to get pissed all over again. Actually that’s a bad way to put it. Effort assumes I’m doing it as chore which is not the case at all. Like I’ve said before I frequently fantasize about these things, just a matter of “growing” a pair I guess.

I’ve been feeling especially horrible of late because she has put a lot of effort in the past few months from wearing sexy nighties and undies. When she does this I have no problem getting hard and “having fun” so to speak. She says she shouldn’t need to do that all the time however. I agree and disagree at the same time. True she shouldn’t need to dress for the occasion every time but I certainly enjoy it. Now here’s a question, should I be able to get hard without any stimulation (from myself or her)??? From what I gather she wants me to look at her in her flannel pajamas get hard instantly and go.

For a bit of background, she is definitely the stronger “alpha” type and is normally the one that initiates. This also frustrates her, which I totally understand. However I find it hard to get my motor running when all I hear about is how frustrated/not happy she is, also fear of failure. She is also usually angry most of the time; I am constantly worried about doing something/saying something that will set her off. She has gone to the doctor about this and has been referred to someone that she can talk to. Frankly I feel I might get some benefit from talking to someone as well. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. Not too sure what will come of this, it sure is nice to put something down in writing though.


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## breedlove711 (Jul 15, 2013)

Maybe she is getting frustrated/p**sed off because she feels she is doing something to cause you going soft? Or maybe that's just how I would feel...do you still "date" or have you gone away to a hotel for an evening to relax and get "away" from the stress & responsibilities at home? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It must be incredibly hard to perform when your wife treats you like that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I caused my husband some *performance pressure *when my sex drive went through the roof, had him get his Test checked....he was on the lower end of normal ...so no treatment....It was never all that bad....him failing to rise to the occasion was a 1st for me... I was struggling to figure out....

*1*. Was it ME -he is loosing desire - (OMG I'd be devastated!!)
*2*. Was it his Test Levels (he can't help it - but then I would be worried about his health - I am a worry wort over things like that)
*3*. Was I causing him Performance Pressure... but I was so freaking horny- darn it!

(I am like your wife, oral is OK for foreplay but nothing compares to him inside)...

If I had my way I would have jumped him 3 times a day but I cooled my jets down to once a day... He was 45 at the time...he welcomed all this -even though I was overwhelming him .....we worked through it and I praise him for his attitude in how he handled me.... never pushing me away.

And I did all I could to turn him on.. I was on a mission for us to grow to new heights...and get through this together. 

Your wife is working against herself by treating you badly, loosing her temper...This will further your anxiety..plus it's very very unsettling, this is a vulnerable place for a man... (I knew that- I went out of my way to encourage, inspire...this helps!)...

Hard as it may be...she needs to offer you a calm acceptance ...and hopefully will show some patience as the Test treatment does it's magic...with her working along side you to overcome this "Performance anxiety" as well. And if she wants more sex than you...also (something I did) I would be ready /willing at his BEST times... we learned that was mornings. -when Test is naturally higher... 

I really hope she will go along with your ideas during this time...as you are trying to keep it creative. 

I read so many books on Testosterone, lover styles...learned he was more the receptive partner, he was never the aggressive type (like yourself) .....he liked me coming on to him.... so this was very workable for us ..... This book helped with the "Sensate Focus" exercises.........
Sexual Healing: The Complete Guide to Overcoming Common Sexual Problems: 

..He was always honest with me, when I could feel him shrinking......I'd ask "what are you thinking"... he'd tell me ! I wouldn't get mad but try to turn this around... I learned how to flirt in such a way to get his mind off his member...and those exercises in the book...they worked! 

It also helped - at night sometimes for a little extra boost, I'd give him a slither of Viagra.... what is great about this....your body does not become addicted, you just use as necessary... to get over that hump.

How often is your wife coming after you ? Are you resentful at all...

So the Test treatment isn't giving results as yet.... how LOW was very low? And has your numbers come up some ?..

Here is the Big Thread on Testosterone Treatment - with other men weighing in on their experiences.... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/19213-dealing-low-testosterone-hypogonadism.html


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## Oddity (Jul 18, 2013)

Thanks for the responses. Let me just say it’s not all one sided here, she is just more vocal about how it bothers her then I am. She knows it bothers me I just don’t vocalize it as much. That’s something I have to work on, actually a better word might be communication which would be in another thread/forum. Also she has been very supportive of trying to get me out of the house to do what I used to do before kids like playing in a sports league. A little competition never hurt anyone’s testosterone. I really don’t want to do anything until she makes a commitment to do something for herself. I don’t want to go into too much detail here as it’s in the wrong thread but she’s one of those do it all “super-mom’s” and doesn’t really know how to relax. Suffice to say, we both have stuff to improve in ourselves. 

Sometimes she just shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, which I find helps a lot. I relax and get back into within 5 min I’d say. It just doesn’t happen like that all the time. Again my performance issues aren’t happening 100% of the time. I mean heck I get hard thinking of her, or even if she’s just laying on the bed a certain way. 

There are other issues at play as well in regards to her anger which is why she is getting that checked out / talking to someone about it. Last time she went to a therapist however they didn’t want to talk at all, they just told her she’s depressed and go on these med’s which she refused and in my opinion rightfully so. So she has a bit of a bad taste in her mouth with them.

Thanks for some insight; it is as you put it a very vulnerable place for man. Combine that with other issues in life and well it doesn’t look pretty. At least we are both aware of the problem, now it’s just a matter of getting back on track. We both agree there are peaks and valleys. Both know the potential is there too cause we’ve had some amazing sex in the past. I’ll definitely check out that book. One I’ve read previously which has helped a little in other areas is the married man sex life primer. 

I’ve always been more of the “submissive” type but now feel switching it up could be pretty exciting too. Last successful time I was quite enjoying myself and I believe she was too while I was tugging on her hair and really not caring what she thought. Just wanting/enjoying the “I want to screw” you mentality.

I always tend to have the thinking that if I come, you come. So rarely will we just have sex and be done with it. I either get her off before or after sex. She has mentioned to me however that it’s ok to just be one and done with it and encourages it too. Don’t know why I just can’t accept that. In my head, if I could get her off all the time and myself only half the time I’d be ok with it. She thinks that’s kind of odd and I do too. All you hear about is how guys just want sex and to get off all the time. I guess the better way to put it is I get more pleasure from her pleasure then I do my own. So as for being resentful, I couldn’t be farther from it. One thing I can say is she is an amazing teaser and I wish (hope to find a way) that I can be that way to her as well.

I’m going to get a blood test in the next few weeks once my 2nd month of this androgel is up. I’ve heard about Clomid and may talk to my doctor about that. Also I will ask for a better explanation of the numbers that come back. All I know from my last test was I was in the high 100’s/low 200’s. Don’t really know what that means though so I will for sure be reading that link you posted. Also joined another Testosterone blog I found on the web.

Again, thanks for the comments/thoughts. Much appreciated. Oh and if it matters I’m early 30’s and wife is mid-late 20’s.


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## Oddity (Jul 18, 2013)

*Re: Low “T”, need a libido boost - LD journal*

Alright, prob should have just renamed the thread LD journal (now that I know what LD stands for). 

Anyway this weekend wife grabbed my hand and put it on her breast, I’m in I thought. Its go time spent some time down there and was hard, after about 5 min of no stimulation went soft. Of course that’s when she pulls me up expecting me to penetrate. Well, that didn’t work. Instead of going back down however this time I went and grabbed a toy and got her off. She didn’t mention anything this time around so that was good. 

Next morning, I go down feed the baby a bottle and make my way back to bed. I get the feeling she’ll want something to happen so I avoid going right up. Then I say to myself, “not going to get any better if you don’t ever try”, so off I go. Lie down, see her breast bulging out of her tank top and couldn’t help myself. I get on top her and do my thing in between her breast. I finish and proceed to go down. Didn’t use any toys this time and after about 10-15 min she pushes me away and says more or less, “I’m not going to get off this way today”. 

So then the following night I have these big plans to use some of the new stuff I’ve purchased (blindfold and restraints). I can even visualize in my head telling her, “Why don’t you go upstairs and don’t bother with the pajamas, your mine tonight”. Now I’m not exactly frothing at the bit to do this, just know I got put some effort in. Even if it does fail. Anyway, it just so happens that this is the night the baby decides to cry for 45 min and my other kid is in one of her “moods”. Well, now wife is in a bad mood and I’m in a bad mood. So, I just threw in the towel like a chump!!! 

Here is another question for anyone who is still reading this, does “scheduling” sex work??? I think I’d like to give it a go and just tell her that such and such night is my night to have my way with you (again, even if it ends in failure).


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I'll be reading! I'm glad to hear the story of my life from the other side.


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

Oddity said:


> I’m going to get a blood test in the next few weeks once my 2nd month of this androgel is up. I’ve heard about Clomid and may talk to my doctor about that. Also I will ask for a better explanation of the numbers that come back. All I know from my last test was I was in the high 100’s/low 200’s. Don’t really know what that means though so I will for sure be reading that link you posted. Also joined another Testosterone blog I found on the web


Androgel made things worse for me. I suspect that it shut down my own production faster than it was absorbed. The problem got worse when the dose was increased from 2 pumps/day to 4 pumps/day. I have read that Clomid tends to have negative emotional side effects for men. I tried HCG for a while, and my levels increased to above 600. Are you still interested in children? Testosterone therapy without HCG will cause the testicles to shrink, and it is believed to decrease fertility. HCG will stimulate the testicles to produce more testosterone if they are capable. This therapy is more successful in younger men like you. I'm now using HCG along with twice/week subcutaneous injections of testosterone. The injections allow you to precisely control the amount of testosterone that is absorbed. My levels are now closer to 800-900.

High 100s/low 200s is extremely low, so it's no wonder that you were having problems. Your wife needs to understand and accept that those ED problems had absolutely nothing to do with her. Getting testosterone advice from other forums would be a very good idea. There are some good forums out there on this subject. Unfortunately, there are many misinformed doctors when it comes to this topic.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Try the shots.
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