# prostitutes



## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

it has been just 3 months that I kicked my husband out of our home. why? I discovered a list of women he has slept with after me (all this happened last year while he was working overseas) 10 prostitutes, last one he slept with her for three weeks. He bought her glasses, fridge, pay rent twice and a course. I know this because of the list and because I obligated him to give me his password. there I discovered this w h o r e was blackmailing him. asking him money in order to erase photo from Facebook.
I have been marriage with this man for 15 years, we had 2 teens (12-14) who are sad because of our separation. he blame his behavior because of his use of porn. he is remorseful, I don't have words to describe how he acts now, I feel pity for him.
He is in sex counseling and treatment group in a mental hospital.
I asked him to give me time (6months) to think what I am gonna do with this mess. I am shattered, but strong. My black and white set of mid is now in a grey area. But I think just to divorce him.
now he is living in a room in a basement. 

sometimes I wanna to run and run, sleep and not wake up ever.
I don't know how I have managed to go to work.

Giving him a chance is for me, telling him ..yes come back you had your free pass...not fair..I was so faithful and incredible devoted to him. 
My mind just think in the image of them in Facebook and how he was looking at her....as if he were drooling....yucky woman (young though) we both are 42.

any suggestions are welcome....


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

I made him to write a poor review of this woman (she apparently works as secretary too) he wrote so his boss there is not going to hire her again. I want her to suffer because she threat our family.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Are you looking to get a divorce? Are you unsure? It sounds like you married a serial cheater. Reconciliation is an option but this would be very tough for most people so I am asking. Whatever your answer is, it's your choice so there is no wrong answer.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

If all this is true then I don't see how you could stay with him. It tells you he hasn't the least amount to of love or respect for you and never will. 

He is also an addict.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What is the possibility that he can change even with therapy? He is a serial cheater, the worse type. He lacks the character, self control, empathy and love to be able to resist his addiction to sex. He exposed you to deadly diseases and that did not stop him. 

You have many more years to go in this marriage, he will have many opportunities to cheat. The remorse and memory will fade with time. 

The risk to you is several more episodes of pain, having to live with and trust and respect a man who is a serial cheater with prostitutes and the very real risk of life threatening STDs. 

If you have sex with him, you are sleeping with everyone he slept with and everyone they slept with. You have been faithful but you have had sex with 100s of men by extension. 

You have a high probability of already having picked up a virus that promotes cervical cancer. Also syphilis and chlamydia which are often asymptomatic. Have you been check for a full panel of STD's. If not why??? 

I cant understand why anyone would want to take that kind of risk. Because you love and need him? Feel sorry for him? 

If he self destructs, he is suffering the consequences of his lack of character, control and love for you and his family. As for love and pity, you don't have to risk your life and health to love him and pity him. Do that as far away as possible. 

What is he doing for you that you want to continue exposing yourself to his pathology? Men with sexual obsessions and addictions are very difficult to treat successfully. It may take him 5, 10 0r 15 years to fall back into his addictions. 

You will spend all of those years in surveillance. That is a horrible way to live. Better to find a worthy man, be healthy, relaxed and happy. Think about it.


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## Angelvamp64 (Dec 10, 2012)

I can relate. I have a very long history of sex addiction with my WS. I do believe in sex addiction as a real disorder, but in my mind it doesn't excuse, or lessen my pain at all.
My H admits to cheating on me 9 times with 7 different skanky hookers he found online. He has a history of 900 calls, cyber sex and an escalating and hardcore addiction to porn. He is in therapy and a 12 step program for his addiction, but I am in limbo as to stay or go.
I know he wants to change and has shown true remorse and has changed in many ways except his inability to stop minimizing what he did with them.For 7 months he has trickle truthed me to death, lying and lying when asked details about what he did with them, some of the lies were because he was too ashamed to admit what he did with some of them  and others to not hurt me, or so he says, but he is a first class liar so at this point I believe nothing he says.

I didn't mean to thread jack this post, just wanted you to know you are not alone in having a spouse cheat with hookers. They call themselves escorts, but lets call it what they are, w h o r e s. I am beyond hurt, beyond scared and a beyond betrayed and beyond broken, but at the moment I a willing ( some days) to see if this can ever be anything good again.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Sorry you are here and for your problems. Your story saddens me. It reminded me all too much of this scene from the movie Tommy Boy:

Tommy Boy Whores - YouTube


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

1. You shouldn't be retaliating against this OW/Prostitute by petty things like poor job reviews. Your problem is with your husband, not her. 

2. Having said the above, if she has been blackmailing him, that is a crime, and if you are going to do anything at all, you should press charges against her.

3. He blames all of this on porn? I'm sure the anti-porn folks on TAM will agree but I see that as a horribly weak excuse. He wanted a more exciting sex life. That's all. It's not complicated, and sending him to a mental hospital isn't going to change anything. 

4. You don't say who works in this family, but I get the impression that he works and you stay at home. So you are making him live in a basement in a home that he pays for? That's not going to last long. At some point, you have to decide if you are going to make a clean break from him or not. 

5. I wish I could be more hopeful, but I doubt he will change his ways, and even if he does, it doesn't sound like you will get over this and forgive him. The only realistic options may be to divorce, or have an open marriage. At least if he can openly take lovers, then he might not be wasting money on prostitutes. 

6. Get yourself tested for STDs.


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

Thanks for all your insights it really help me to clarify this mess.
his list was written in a moment of remorse, it was hidden, so I "believe" that he slept with these women last year (8 months).
the last one called my attention because he hid this til I got his password and couldn't hide her anymore. 
from there he has modified the story with this woman saying "she was blackmailing him" from the beginning, threaten him to tell everybody in the office (his secrets "seeing him to leave a brothel") and to me if he didn't pay for her rent etc.. To me this story is so surreal...it insults my intelligence. 
He wrote a letter to make her fire out of the job....It is one of his attempts to do something. 
It has been 100 days after D day...all of them he has been crying and begging as I never has seen him before.
I work full time, he earns way more money than me....but yes...he is paying mortgage and paying room...he says he will pay...he will write a document giving me the house...commitment to pay it for me.
We are clear of HIV and SDI first thing I did.
I work in a social work and I know sexual compulsion exist. just that in this case I doubt. 3 weeks using the same prostitute? And having contact with her for Skype..because of the thrill?. yes he confesses he was looking For excitement. This is a man that never talked about sex to me...never told me his tastes...all was vanilla with him..and I never has this concerned because honestly, with the house, kids and work it was convenient to me that he didn't look for me sexually. However, I never rejected him, I was always available when he wants sex. The times that I did look for him he was picky...it has to be at night, lights off etc...pretty standard. I never was like that in my previous relationships, I was very active and creative.
a clean break is what I am deciding now...I need at least 6 months to think it with a cool brain...money is an investment at this point.
open marriage....don't think so..maybe an affair revenge...I am so willing to take that..
as you see I have a lot of confusion in my mind I need more time...it has been 15 yrs..2 kids...
We both are doing therapy....and he is doing more work in this...is in my interest that he is in good shape ...for the kids (they need an stable divorced or not divorced father)


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Once prostitutes are in the pic or for that master OW you have lost the battle. Protect yourself, speaking only from someone that has been through it.


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## debraarzn (Jul 8, 2013)

I want her to suffer because she threat our family


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

Sex for money is quite common in many countries and doesn't carry the same stigma as the US, so I wouldn't get too hung up on that aspect if I were you. More of a fair trade kind of thing, especially in poorer countries with lots of pretty young women...almost par for the course. It's the cheating that should be your concern, not so much that he shelled out 10 or 20 bucks beforehand.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I asked him to give me time (6months) to think what I am gonna do with this mess



*Don’t ask him tell him you are going to take 6 months.*

*I would suggest that you use your 6 months to do everything you can for you and your children*. He is not to take anytime away from you doing for you and yours. I know that you will always be tempted to think about the horrible betrayal and that will do nothing but put you down.

I am not suggesting that you hate him or go revenge on him, no not at all. He has set you back a lot and he is not going to help you at this point. Forget him as much as possible and do for you. *Do you have something that you always wanted to do; education, hobby, learn a new language, write a book, etc?* The list can be endless and is very good for you in many ways. Get help and your social needs with family, friends, church, etc 

If you are going to give him a chance then I would suggest that you set a least a few years time for him to prove with actions that he is going to contribute more to you than take away.

*Never stop building yourself up, you can NOT trust him to do that.*


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

We did the finances to see how much $$$ we will get from a divorce, is not going to be that bad, I work full time and yes he earns 3 times more than me.
I see him so remorseful, I feel sorry for him, I don't want to be in his shoes. If I give him a chance...I feel like he is getting away with it. 
Prostitutes were his "Hall pass"...withouth me knowing. 
My plan is in 6 months go to couples counseling for certain time (3-6months) if the outcome is positive I will give him a chance if there is nothing fixable I will proceed with the divorce...I don't want my conscious telling me I acted impulsively or that I didn't try anything to keep living together. He states he wants to be a new man, change his life for me (leaving the kids out of the picture...) he feels that he always love me, and he doesnt know why he did these acts (now he loves me, ja) 
Being honest with all of you ...sometimes I wish to go and sleep with a bunch of guys to know what is like....I have been sex deprive for so long...he never talk about sex with me...he was so conservative about this stuff..and I feel comfort that way (tired with housework, kids, work) I feel ok he is not bothering me with sex...Many times I initiate but he was so conservative ( just during the night with lights off) I bought sex games to play and touch his....in the kitchen but he was like "is not the moment")
I caught him twice watching porn during these 15 yrs..I didn't think it was a very secretive and continuous behavior. now he confesses he did it in the office....and being alone in that island triggered him to look for the real stuff. 
I understand the cheap prostitutes there but continuously seen the same one for almost a month?...he said he was blackmailed by her...I don't believe him...I am at the point to hire a private detective to dig the whole thing.
as you see my mind is wondering, confused...just have been 3 months since D day.
yes, just reading her email threatens to put more pictures in Facebook to hurt my family get my nerves...I want that she feels like crap...she is already a piece of ...
I got test, I am clean of HIV or STI.
my family and some friends say to me, all of us made mistakes..think you are not perfect...he didn't have a EA ....that is workable...etc...
Others said...you can do it ....you will find somebody better...
Honestly, I just want that this never have happened...hate my life.
But my counsellor said..."is the best thing that happened to you...Now you now him as he really is....what you knew from him before was a fantasy...you were living in a fairy tale ". Now this reality...nothing is forever..there are not guarantees...sexual contract is a BS.
my head is a mess......


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

I told him I will take 6 months...it has been a karma for him, he is counting and crying .


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband and I are together after he hired a hooker (only once) three years ago after I kicked him out for internet sex chatting and trying to meet up with women from Adult Friend Finder and Sexsearch. It's been tough but I think we're well on our way up the other side now. You can read my story through the link in my sig if you like.

You are very smart to say six months, but it will take longer than that. It takes years. If you decide not to divorce him, you will need MC and he will need IC and a 12 step group. IC for you is also a really good idea. He must continue in the group and stuff for a number of years, because otherwise he'll relapse.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> my head is a mess......


I think that your head is in very good order
Your emotions are a mess
Follow your head, I am impressed with you


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> I think that your head is in very good order
> Your emotions are a mess
> Follow your head, I am impressed with you


are you a man?

What do ou think about my H story "the secretary was a prostitute...and because she saw me leaving from the brothel she started to blackmail me..." "the excitement of a risky situation leaded me to have sex with her for 3 weeks"... Who believes that???? Who?????
She asked him for money to pay rent, glasses, course in college and a fridge....that he went and bought for her...all of this in 3 weeks....who believes this????
it is possible to get a polygraph ?


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Originally Posted by Mr Blunt
> I think that your head is in very good order
> Your emotions are a mess
> Follow your head, I am impressed with you
> ...



Yes I am a man

Your husband has already proven to be a lair and a cheat you do not need a polygraph or anything else; *you already know what you need to know.*

Try not to be so consumed with his horrible character deficiencies. Being so consumed with your broken pitiful husband will take away from you getting better. He is staring to pay the price for his actions and is in counseling and treatment in a mental hospital. *You keep concentrating on building yourself up*


The reason I said that your head is in very good order is because of what you said below




> *By Amahoy*
> My plan is in 6 months go to couples counseling for certain time (3-6months) if the outcome is positive I will give him a chance if there is nothing fixable I will proceed with the divorce...I don't want my conscious telling me I acted impulsively or that I didn't try anything to keep living together.



Your thinking is very good for a young woman that is only 3-months into devastating betrayal. *I am impressed with your plan!*


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