# Depressed and I don't know what to do...



## heather143 (Apr 24, 2009)

I have been married for almost 2 years and have been with my husband for 3 years. I am very unhappy in my marriage. I go to school and take most of my classes online. My depression has gotten so bad that I don't even get out of bed anymore. I stay in bed and study all day and all night. My husband works about 40 hours per week. I feel like I never see him. I feel alone and I feel like the passion is gone from our relationship. My husband is a very hard worker and a good guy with morales and values. My husband is 10 years older then me. I am 28 and trying to get a degree in business.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel very sad. We have problems just as anyone else. We have major problems though. He cannot have an orgasm or ejaculate. The doctors don't even know if he can produce sperm. We don't have the money to get this testing done and cannot finance it. Because of this sexual problem it makes sex crappy, and it always has to be planned. It really isn't interesting. We never have sex anymore. I cannot remember the last time we did have it. I think it has been 1 time in the past 3 months. I want children and I don't think this will ever be an option for us. My two best-friends are pregnant right now  This is just not how I seen my life when I was a little girl. We have just filed bankruptcy and lost our house because he has been laid off from his job and took a pay cut from General Motors. I just really don't know what to do. Then to top it all off his family is crazy! They are weird and jealous people. They're always chatting behind each other's backs. It has came to the point to where I stopped being around them and my husband blames my classes for my disappearances. We went to a counselor and she told my husband he needed to communicate with his family and that they cannot act like that. We haven't been back to this counselor. He did talk with his family but still I haven't seen them or been around them.

What should I do? I cannot stand his family, which I have gotten along with all of my ex bf's families my whole life... we can never have kids, which I found out after we were already married.... we don't have sex.... I am not happy....  I hate my life which I am trying to change by going to school... What should I do? I have told my husband SOME of this, it hurt's him to know I am not happy. Maybe I need medication?


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

Heather... 
Definitely get some medication.. BE CAREFUL THOUGH... my wife was taking "sertraline" (an anti-depressant) and our sex lives fell through the basement and caused a ton of problems.. she then realized that it was those pills and asked her doctor to change the prescription.. DON'T DELAY getting some 'happy pills'. . i know it won't fix the problems, but it'll help get you in a beter frame of mind to sort them and deal with them.

Talk to him about how you feel about his orgasmic inefficiencies.. see if there's some type of "sexual counselor" (don't know what they're called LOL) than can help with this. for what reason can he not have an orgasm? or ejaculate ? I've never heard of a medical condition that causes this (although, i'm no doctor or expert) . i would research that a bit.. 

Don't wory about his family right now.. explain to him how they make you feel. if he's caring then he'll address it so that you don't feel that way.. if not, deal with that next month.. LOL..

As far as having kids.. I'd focus on the orgasm/ejaculation thing first.. if you can get this sorted then you can work on having kids.. and if not, there's always adoption.. foster children, etc.. there's ways.. 

I hope this helps.
keep us updated
mike


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm not a big fan of recommending medication for depression. As in your case, it is obvious that your depression is being driven by several problems in your life. I have a feeling you are just overwhelmed by everything and it is taking a tole on you. That's what is going on in my life now. So, my counselor told me to identify those problems I can control and work on resolving them. 

You really need to get out of bed and out of the house some. School can be a great distraction from the other problems. Instead of taking only on-line classes, perhaps you can actually take at least one class "live". It would give you a reason to get out of bed. 

I really believe much of your problem could be due to having no purpose or goals in life. I understand what loss of income and bankruptcy can do to a person. Then, on top of that, you are afraid you will never have children. Could your husband's problem be psychological? Counseling could really benefit you at this time (as an individual). However, due to financial reasons, I can see where that might be a problem. If you belong to a church, a minister or priest could be a great place to start. Family can help too! 

Hang in there!


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## heather143 (Apr 24, 2009)

Thanks for the advice both of you...

I forgot to write in my earlier post that my husband cannot even get an erection either. That is how bad this problem is. HE has never been able too. I just found out in the last 3 months that all of his cousins, uncles and brother and sisters have fertility problems. The males in his family weren't able to get their wives pregnant. On the other hand 2 out of 4 of the females were able to get pregnant by fertility drugs or treatments. I really think it's pretty horrible that I am finding all of this out now!!! My husband was married right out of high school when he was obviously 18 or so and the chick left him for some other guy. Now, I understand why. My husbands parents didn't like her. I am sure they had the same problems we do. 

I do have goals. I just feel like every goal I have (besides school) is out of reach and out of my control. I am seriously overwhelmed; More than ever. The only reason I stay is because my husband is a good person. Is that a good reason to stay? I am attracted to him and love him, but the passion is GONE! 

If I wanted to go to counseling I could. I do have insurance. Why should I go? I already know what she is going to say... she will coach us into handling our problems and by getting them taken care of. I already know the answer as far as children and that isn't going to happen. My husband isn't going to get erection's on his own. My in laws have permanently scared my impression of them and I have forgave them many times to just get F&5%% over again and again. 

I feel like I am unhappy because this isn't what I want. I want out, but then a part of me doesn't. I think it's because I have no job and no place to live. Right now this is convenient for me and I know I am bad for saying that but at least I recognize it.

Who would I even go to if I wanted medication?


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

heather143 said:


> Who would I even go to if I wanted medication?


my wife called her normal doctor.. she had post partum depression followed by a diagnosis of a form of muscular dystrophy.. 

her depression caused us some problems. she got meds to help with her frame of mind. the meds didnt make the problems go away, simply allowed her mind to be in a better place so she and I could deal with the problems more maturely and more effectively.

It is working well for us.

I wish you luck.

i hope this helps
mike


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Has your husband's testosterone levels been checked? That sounds like a good place to start. Has he ever done steroids? 

I recommend counseling over drugs any time I see someone struggling with decisions or situations. In those cases drugs are a band-aide approach. A great counselor will help you sort though life's challenges. In addition, you'll learn how to cope and mange those challenges--instead of those challenges managing you. If you are convinced you want/need anti-depressants, see a psychiatrist.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Those are a lot of heavy hardships to endure. I am not sure just medicating will be the best answer. Keep in mind that you can adopt, if you want kids. Also, you can get a job, and delay college. It sounds like being alone studying is really saddening you, anyway. Depression can be very serious. What does your doctor say?


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Not a huge fan of the "drugs can cure all" thing myself. That being said however, oftentimes in depression the brain's chemical make-up gets all out of whack and you just cant bring yourself out by just trying harder. So go get some tests done, see a counselor, and while your at it get some tests done on the hubby as it sounds to me that he is in a depressed state as well.


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

I see no meds needed here, but seriously expections of marriagee.

I want my hubby here at all times

Why am I struggling to get a degree.

I deserve nightly tongue lashing followed by a deep penile member.

Damm and broke to and hate the inlaws.

BTW, take note no answers to make me happy.

Hey Heather, the expression be careful of your bed, what you make is what is slept in.

Now go be happy, or simply realize I want and deserve more in a marraige'


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

daddymikey1975 said:


> she got meds to help with her frame of mind. the meds didnt make the problems go away, simply allowed her mind to be in a better place so she and I could deal with the problems more maturely and more effectively.





Sensitive said:


> Those are a lot of heavy hardships to endure. I am not sure just medicating will be the best answer.


Taking meds is not the answer to fix the problem. Taking medication will help her FEEL better so that she'll WANT to go to counseling, so she'll WANT to get out of bed and face these problems, sort through them, and get some help with them.



kirkster5 said:


> Not a huge fan of the "drugs can cure all" thing myself. That being said however, oftentimes in depression the brain's chemical make-up gets all out of whack and you just cant bring yourself out by just trying harder..


See what I mean now ??? although, this seems as if it's an oxymoron.. don't believe in taking drugs, but clearly you agree that the chemicals get wacked out.. how can that be fixed temporarily ?? medication can get things rolling.. a counselor will help long term with DEALING with the problems.



reidqa01 said:


> I see no meds needed here but..


Have you ever been seriously depressed ?? 

read my post above again please. My wife began taking anti-depressants and that was the equivalent to 'opening the door' to happiness.. a happy 'feeling' . . temporary and contrived I agree, but a feeling.. this has enabled her (and I) to handle our problems effectively. We didnt need counseling, we're both very mature and are very VERY able to communicate. but the meds have opened up the door to being able to cope. it was the beginning.. once things are on an even keel between her and I she'll get off them appropriately.. as her doc recommends.. 

call you dr. heather and see what the doc says.. then make an appt for counseling.


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Mike,

I see her post looking for something large in marraige, I totally agree with your post.

So with that said, read her post again and it seems a life just not happy "how it ll turned out" is the problem.

OMG, seriously depressed read my first post here, my ex fell down an entire flight of stairs (could have been killed) I was so out of it laughed at her.

But then no meds just needed a life adjustment, and it occurred.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wow! You have alot on your plate!! 

Medications are great.....if you can't get out of bed than it's hard to work on anything else. If you feel extreme depression it's hard to have any other feeling! Know that antidepressants take time to work and you don't have to be on them forever. 

Counseling in conjuction with meds, are an even better and recommended combo. (pastoral counseling, university counselors, or individual counselors). 

Deal with the depression first. Take care of you before you take care of others. You husband may be feeling depressed as well. 

Set your boundaries with family members and stick to them. You can't control others just yourself.


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