# Shouldn't of snooped just now PANICING!



## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

Things are going great between us, but I dug back into the past (dday Jul 21) Found out you can check archived messages on FB and pressed the button.

Saw a conversation with her enabler freak of a (apparently, and hopefully true ex) female friend, talking about how she had to take it VERRRRRRY slow with this new bloke she'd met. Her friend had also said, 'thought you would of gone older this time' My WW was talking about how she needed to be careful or it would all blow up in her face.

Now I'm sat wondering again, weather she is still doing things behind my back, I've got complete transparency, but what's to stop her opening a secret FB account. Having a separate SIM card, hell a hidden phone in the house somewhere.
Things have never been better between us, and I'm going to home soon, she doesn't know anything is wrong, is it my fault for snooping, should I approach this??
I don't know what she could possibly say or do to make any difference, my stomach hurts again, am I just being completely paranoid, or is she so evil, and I'm so infatuated that I can't see what's right under my nose?

Panicing..


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## TroubledSexLife (Aug 23, 2012)

Hang in there buddy.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

MoreOfaMan said:


> Things have never been better between us, and I'm going to home soon, she doesn't know anything is wrong,* is it my fault for snooping*, should I approach this??


WTF? She had an affair and you feel guilty for snooping? Oh the humanity! She lost her right to privacy when she cheated on you.

And yes. She could possibly have created a separate FB account, bought a burner phone, and might still be carrying on the affair.

Have you installed a keylogger on her computer? Put a VAR in her car?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Also, quit panicking. Take your power back and go on the offensive. What's the worst thing that could happen to your marriage? That's right -- DIVORCE. Now that you've thought about the worst case scenario, work backwards from there.

Good luck.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

MoreOfaMan said:


> ... Things have never been better between us, and I'm going to home soon, she doesn't know anything is wrong, is it my fault for snooping, should I approach this??
> I don't know what she could possibly say or do to make any difference, my stomach hurts again, am I just being completely paranoid, or is she so evil, and I'm so infatuated that I can't see what's right under my nose?
> 
> Panicing..


MoreOfaMan~

The best way to always deal with everything is transparently and completely truly. I am not years past my affair and to this day my screen faces my Dear Hubby, he sees everything I do online, and he checks my email, my facebook, etc. I don't do chat  Furthermore, I expect him to do it periodically for the remainder of my life and it is absolutely appropriate for him to do so! Know why? Because he is the man for whom I promised to forsake all others! Because he is the man to whom I owe 100% of my affection and my loyalty--not any anonymous someone on FB!! And because it is reasonable for me to share EVERY TINY BIT of my life with him, including my thoughts and feelings. 

So it is not snooping for you to periodically check your wife's anything--if she is 100% yours, then all of it is also yours! And since it was her actions and her choices that did the damage to the trust, it is reasonable for you to "trust by verify" from this point forward. Thus I state with absolute CERTAINTY that what you did is not "snooping" if you and your wife know each other intimately in the sense of closeness emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Okay? Make sense? 

Now that we are past that part, here's my suggestion. Ask her right up: "Hey I was looking at your FB and back in June your Ho'friend said you should take it very slowly and she thought you'd 'go older this time' which sounds to me like she meant she thought you'd pick an older OM. What exactly is up with that? It doesn't sound very kosher to me!" Let her tell ya and then figure it out for yourself if her answer makes sense or if it doesn't add up. If her answer makes sense then you have your explanation. If her answer doesn't add up, just tell her 'Well that doesn't add up and does NOT help rebuild the trust in this marriage. I'm going to think about my options at this point" and then just turn and walk out of the room. Go somewhere where you can close and lock the door and do whatever you gotta do (aka, cry, scream, research...whatever). 

P.S. Take several deep, slow breaths


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

MoreOfaMan said:


> Things are going great between us, but I dug back into the past (dday Jul 21) Found out you can check archived messages on FB and pressed the button.
> 
> Saw a conversation with her enabler freak of a (apparently, and hopefully true ex) female friend, talking about how she had to take it VERRRRRRY slow with this new bloke she'd met. Her friend had also said, 'thought you would of gone older this time' My WW was talking about how she needed to be careful or it would all blow up in her face.
> 
> ...


Tell me, were you the one cheating? If anyone should be scared or panicking it should be her if she knew. 

So what things are better? Do you want to be blissfully happy while being ignorant of her infidelities or do you want true happiness? 

You on the other hand should be pissed and expecting answers. 

Or you can go home, act like nothing happened get all Sherlock on her. Start investigating. If things are going as good as you say, this would be the best time to see if shes fishing.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Why are you getting all worked up? You already know what her capacities are, you already know the deal with her. Now talk about this crap and open up this can of worms and the both of you can learn from it.
Granted she can can get all side ways and be diffencive or she can own her crap and talk ( true remorse ). 

Let her make the choice to face this and own it or hide from this new information. Her reaction to this info will say volumns compard to staying quite and snooping...Lets face it your going to snoop any way, so throw it on the table and see how she handles it.


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

The thing is, I know most of this stuff already, she's been upfront about being a total heartless *****, for a while there, I just didn't literally see some of this. All I seem to of done is brought up the past, I wasn't snooping so much as trying to ruin things, looking to find a way to feel bad, because I can't accept this feeling loved, stuff. I don't know what I want her to say, there's no words she can say that will make this 'better'
This is my bull**** right??


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

When her friend said, "go older?", did she mean older than you, or older than her last affair?

Just saying, friend.....


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

alphaomega said:


> When her friend said, "go older?", did she mean older than you, or older than her last affair?
> 
> Just saying, friend.....


I don't know......


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

MoreOfaMan said:


> The thing is, I know most of this stuff already, she's been upfront about being a total heartless *****, for a while there, I just didn't literally see some of this. All I seem to of done is brought up the past, I wasn't snooping so much as trying to ruin things, looking to find a way to feel bad, because I can't accept this feeling loved, stuff. I don't know what I want her to say, there's no words she can say that will make this 'better'
> This is my bull**** right??


No, you are just the learning the truth of the depth of her betrayal. 

But you already know this. Read your own login name. Keep repeating it.
You are realizing that she could easily have brought her activities underground. 

But whatup with you blaming yourself for her failures?


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I agree with affaircare. Ask her. See what she says. I imagine, from what you say, she will answer, talk to you, tell you the truth I hope.

However, did she tell you of just one affair? Or ONS? It really doesn't sound like there was just one...therefore if all she has told you of is one, then there is something to be worried about....she hasn't been truthful. I think it is near impossible to recover from if there is no truth.

Good luck.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hang on in there. Reconciling is a long rocky road and you are bound to have bad days.
H and I are 6 months in and it's going great but every now and again the insecurities creep in and I go on super snoop!! It's ok. We are allowed to do it! It's part of the course.
Talk to your wife. Tell her when you are having a bad day. Tell her you snooped and ask her about the message you saw. If this is a true R then she won't mind and should discuss what you have seen calmly and honestly.
You'll be ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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