# what can I do?



## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

I posted before about the infrequency of sex in my marriage. So far we have had sex 3 times this month. Which I know is more that some people get and I feel selfish for being unhappy with that. I feel as though im just un desirable....I dont know what else I can do. I send suggeative text, I go to bed naked, I try and wear things he likes, if we do have sex I initiate it. 

For instance..last night, I was naked in bed and I made a comment on he should touch my breast and I tried to be sweet and coy and he says "I feel like your pressuring me" I mean....I dont get it. Why doesnt he want me. He tells me im sexy and beautiful....why doesnt he want to have sex with me......I let him take naps during the day for the purely selfish reason that he might now be so tired when we go to bed and might actually respond to my advances.....

I mean a response would be nice! Sometimes when im trying to get him to have sex he will say something like "you have to wake him up" or "I might need some convincing" But for once can I not have to "convince" my hisband to sleep with me! And when I try and talk to him he gets all like I know there is a problem....but jothing happens differently...like he doesnt care. Ive tried suggesting marriage stuff to help us but uts like im the only one trying. Its like he is satisfied so he has no drive to do anything.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

And just now he said something about getting viagra...but does that help sex drive? Its like he knows. ..but doesnt know what to do. I dont want to de masculanize him. But something has gotta give

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MotherNature said:


> And just now he said something about getting viagra...but does that help sex drive? Its like he knows. ..but doesnt know what to do. I dont want to de masculanize him. But something has gotta give
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


The "he needs to be woken up" is a hint to get oral for him to rise to the occasion. Some men don't rise at sight of their woman and need a little assistance.

If you want to bridge him past this, you would do these sex sessions, help him rise to the occasion and let him take control of the sex.

Also encourage him to "take" you from time to time, it will bring up his sense of control, and he will feel like "more of a man", and the erections should be more consistent and firmer as a result.


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

I do appease the "waking up" hint.....it seems like I have to every time.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

Its just like this wasnt always an issue. He used to initiate at an equal level with me. Butbits like he is bored with me or something

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

MotherNature--

I am a guy and for the life of me, how a man turn down his sexy, naked wife is beyond me; I would be on you in less than a heart beat!

Men can sometimes be so shy to the point of being backward. I speak to groups about men's erection challenges and their solutions. I often observe men in the back of the auditorium looking disinterested; like their wife sent them there!!

Okay that does not help your situation but my suggestion is to drag him to a doctor (urologist) and get his testosterone, estradiol and thyroid panel checked. If these values are not where they should be, then the doctor will suggest how to make things more normal and hopefully he will respond to your sexy advances. :smthumbup: The best to both of you.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MotherNature said:


> I do appease the "waking up" hint.....it seems like I have to every time.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Sometimes us men can make it part of our "ritual" for sex. So it's not working right without the assistance.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Low T and ED aren't necessarily linked. When your H asks you to give him assistance waking "him" up, does he get an erection fairly quickly from oral/hands or do you have to put a lot of effort into getting him erect. Does he lose his erection in the middle of sex or is it of good quality and he can last thru the duration? If his erections are fine and he simply isn't in the mood, I'd strongly look at T. If he's having difficult maintaining an erection, then the blue pill is the way to go. Regardless, see a Dr. if there is a concern that he's not acting normal.


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

He doesn't seem to have a problem getting it up when I "wake him up" he will last the whole time, though he tends to finish rather quickly...usually a minute after penetration.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MotherNature said:


> He doesn't seem to have a problem getting it up when I "wake him up" he will last the whole time, though he tends to finish rather quickly...usually a minute after penetration.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Is he trying to break a record for quickest orgasm?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

Sometimes he can go longer.....if im on top and I control the motion he can go longer. But once he gets going its all over. He tries to make sure I get mone first though. He is very considerate of that.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Dredd (Apr 16, 2014)

You might look into working some aphrodisiacs into his diet. There are herbal supplements that are suppose to be good for that as well. I don't remember from the original thread if he's been tested for low T or not...

But keep on doing what your doing  Your following the advice given and it is contributing to a better situation. It may not have changed the situation into exactly what you'd wish for, but its certainly not hurting. Hang in there  Change is a slow process, but your putting in good, positive influx. I know rejection is hard to cope with, but better ingredients makes better pizza. If you get what I'm saying 

25 Foods that are Natural Aphrodisiacs

Aphrodisiac Foods For Men and Women


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have you been with him, dating and married?

Was your sex life better in the beginning of your relationship.


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> How long have you been with him, dating and married?
> 
> Was your sex life better in the beginning of your relationship.


We are going on 6 years together. Married 2. But we moved in together within 6 months of starting our relationship and I became a full time mom to his kids immediately. We havnt had a conventional relationship I guess....we never had that "time" before kids

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

treyvion said:


> Is he trying to break a record for quickest orgasm?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He doesn't have to worry about that. I have come within 10 seconds on many occasions.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

What are his masturbation and porn habits?


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

He doesnt really masturbate. Maybe when im gone for the weekend or something. And he doesnt watch porn. We dont have any in the house. And I have complete access to his phone so I know he isnt watching it secretly. I brought porn up once, maybe watch it together to spice things up, but he says its too fake and doesny like it

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MotherNature (May 9, 2014)

Also we got some viagra today and he seems excited to try it out. I dont feel that his erection is the problem but he seems convinced that this will improve things. So we will see how it goes

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bjornchon said:


> it seems like I have to every time


like you have to what ever time?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MotherNature said:


> Also we got some viagra today and he seems excited to try it out. I dont feel that his erection is the problem but he seems convinced that this will improve things. So we will see how it goes



There is a book that might be helpful to you. While yours is not a completely sexless marriage. The issues that you are having are discussed in the book. It might have some ideas that will help you.


_Why Men Stop Having Sex: Men, the Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships, and What You Can Do About It_ by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

How did the Viagra work out?

Men lie about porn so what he told you isn't necessarily reality. He can hide watching it pretty easily.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

MotherNature said:


> I posted before about the infrequency of sex in my marriage. So far we have had sex 3 times this month. Which I know is more that some people get and I feel selfish for being unhappy with that. I feel as though im just un desirable....I dont know what else I can do. I send suggeative text, I go to bed naked, I try and wear things he likes, if we do have sex I initiate it.
> 
> For instance..last night, I was naked in bed and I made a comment on he should touch my breast and I tried to be sweet and coy and he says "I feel like your pressuring me" I mean....I dont get it. Why doesnt he want me. He tells me im sexy and beautiful....why doesnt he want to have sex with me......I let him take naps during the day for the purely selfish reason that he might now be so tired when we go to bed and might actually respond to my advances.....
> 
> ...


This is just a random thought, not necessarily applicable to you, but what times of the day do you two try?

If he's having ED issues from age, high blood pressure, etc., then evenings are going to be the absolute worst time for him.


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## Bublyme77 (May 26, 2014)

I am going through the same exact thing you are! Many times I have laid next to my spouse to have him make a move. I suggest touching my breast or maybe kissing my shoulder..oh he does... grabs my breast and just closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep. I have woke him up in the middle of the night to have him roll over and stay asleep. He to gives me the " you need to wake him up" REALLY! I would think laying next to me naked or touching my breast would do it! I have to make the moves, or make the advancement my spouse to has no sex drive..only difference is mine isn't doing anything to fix it.. I hope the Viagra does do it for you guys...HUGS.. I feel your frustration and irritation..your not alone


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