# Sex and Space



## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

My husband and I are taking space from each other to be with ourselves and face our personal problems.. We are going to start again with conversations and dates. We are not interested in anyone else, dating, or screwing around.
My thought is that I don't want to have sex with him until he moves back in. I want that to be some sort of goal for our relationship. He made the choice to move out and stay with family, so I am irritatated with that even though i know I need space too.
Is this a decent goal to have? I don't want him going else where but I want to keep his interest. It will be so hard-we just had our first talk today, and I wanted him to stay SO BADLY. But I just told him...this is what you'll get when you live with your wife!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

If that is what you need then i think it is fine. But how much of a need is sex for him? It might feel like a double standard to him, or like you dont care about his needs.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I agree with ELS. He can't use her like a gas station, if they are living apart. Why should he have his cake and eat it too?


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

Also, how far does it have to go? Does it include kissing, hugging, making out? I mean I have my needs too even if I do have my dignity and won't want to sleep with him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What was the sexual relationship like before he moved out?


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

Maybe twice/three times a month but mind blowing. Absolutely incredible. I'm going to miss it!!!! (He mentions that depression interferes with his drive, part of the reason he wanted a break was to figure out why he is so depressed/stressed and think of ways to fix it.)


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

That doesn't seem like a good way to both figure out one's problems and keep a marriage going.

Can't stoke a fire out of sight of the fireplace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

I know I have a thread about it in another section here. I'm not thrilled. I am hoping that time will show it's a mistake to get this space or it's going to be a good thing.


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## Edge (Mar 30, 2011)

I have never been in your shoes so feel free to ignore my advice. For me sex is one of the ways I connect with my wife. One of the ways I show I love her. It is not just about me feeling good or enjoyment I get. While your husband did choose to move out I don't think having sex with him would be wrong. To me it would be another way to try and reconnect and to show him you still love and want him. Like I said it is just my two cents and likely worth as much.


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## ELS (Jun 8, 2011)

Thank you Edge. My friend who is a training pychologist mentioned the same thing and said, hey, if you guys are going to act like your dating again and starting over, just let it get to the point where you would normally want to sleep with a date and make a decision. I don't LIKE ultimatums in marriage, and my concern was more about being used and abused (fear) than about trusting that me and husband have to rebuild normally. I still DK what to do yet, but I have to take it day by day or I may go nuts!


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