# Hello!



## shells83 (Jun 2, 2019)

New here, just looking for ways/advice to improve my marriage. We've been married nine years. I'm fairly happy but my husband's laziness and lack of contributing to our marriage is bothering me. We don't have kids and both work full-time. I need more from him, I feel like I do the majority of everything around the house, finances, outdoor chores, you name it. Hoping to find some advice from people who have been through a similar situation.


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## iamoookkkk (Jun 2, 2019)

Have you speak wih him about it?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He needs to be the man you deserve.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

I think us wives often find ourselves feeling this way without realizing it is literally our fault. 

I used to do all of the housework (dishes, laundry, cleaning), cooked every night, and took care of our newborn without my husband lifting a finger. You know why he didn't help? Because I never communicated. Just stop putting yourself in that position! Of course he is going to eat it up being waited on hand and foot, but it doesn't have to be this way. You can't get angry about a situation you enabled, but you can stop the cycle.

At first my husband was a total cry baby about me not doing as much around the house, but its improved our marriage a lot. I felt like a doormat and now feel like an equal. Start with simply telling him you need to him to do xyz and see how he reacts. Some men really need to be told what you need help with even though its obvious. I know for a fact my husband used to wait until I asked for help because he had his fingers crossed that I would just do it.

Sorry babe, the maid retired


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Marriage counselling is going to be an option.

Designed to help your husband be more than he is at the moment.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

shells83 said:


> New here, just looking for ways/advice to improve my marriage. We've been married nine years. I'm fairly happy but my husband's laziness and lack of contributing to our marriage is bothering me. We don't have kids and both work full-time. I need more from him, I feel like I do the majority of everything around the house, finances, outdoor chores, you name it.


Of course you do most of the work. Statistics show that women are still being stuck with the lion's share of the work inside the house while also working full-time outside the house. I'll never understand the mentality of men claiming marriage is a 'trap' - the only one I see losing in _that_ deal is the woman. 

Don't have kids with him. You'll be raising them *alone* - while also doing all the domestic chores inside and outside the house _*after*_ you get home from your full-time job. And while you're working your ass off from dawn to 10 pm every single day of your life, his lazy ass will be right there laying on the couch letting you do it. Some of them think having been born with a penis somehow precludes them from having to do anything around the house their mommies did when they were living at home.



> I know for a fact my husband used to wait until I asked for help because he had his fingers crossed that I would just do it.


Do NOT make the colossal *mistake* of asking for his 'help,' which implies all these chores are yours and you need his "help." Don't set that precedent!! Half of these chores are _his_ responsibility, not yours, so you don't ask for his 'help,' you tell him he needs to start doing his *share*, which is half. Asking for 'help' is the absolute worst thing you can do, so DON'T do it.

If you can turn this one around by getting his lazy entitled ass off the couch and actually turning him into a productive member of your household doing his SHARE, my hat will be off to you. Do nothing, and you can expect this to be a permanent problem for as long as you're 'blissfully' wedded to him.


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## cheapie (Aug 6, 2018)

Have you had a discussion with him outlining everything that needs to get done in your lives - cooking, chores, paying bills, etc., then saying that you "divide and conquer"? You need to tell him that one person doing it all - whether it's you or him - is not sustainable long term. You are partners in life, and as such are a team where each member is expected to make a contribution. Many people focus too much on "falling in love" and don't realize that that has very little to do with a successful marriage long term - it's common goals and expectations and each person putting in complimentary effort that make a lasting marriage. You need to be very straightforward with him about this - hopefully it's just a simple matter of him not doing things just because you're taking care of it first, and all that's needed is a discussion. If he's not onboard after that discussion then you definitely have a bigger issue that needs to be resolved before you have kids.


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