# Why is letting go sooo hard



## 2bhappy (Aug 7, 2011)

I found this website a few days ago and i've been itching to post my situation only to time and again stop myself. I am doing it now so here goes...

I was with my gf for over 7 years and living together for about 6 of those years. The relationship progressed and we talked about marriage with me being on the fence about it not really refusing but not really confirming it as well. I am a very private person and I generally keep my deep thoughts to myself. So for those years I did not tell her why I was hesitant. Of course there were things about her that I did not like and in hindsight I should have told her so that she can be fully inform and make a decision.

We had a child together, our child is now almost 4 years old, and still I did not commit to my gf. Still hesitant.

Ran into some tough situations with career and finance and just completely shut down. I took it all on my shoulders and did not rely on her or anyone else for help. My thought process was that these are my issues, I will find the solutions by myself. I didn't want to let anyone in on what a mess my life was. I had to keep my image intact - 'I am in control', 'I have a good life'.

End result, I further alienated her. She told me it was over and that she fell out of love with me. That I basically used her and was only with her for convenience. I was completely devastated. I was literally begging her to give me another chance.

We talked about the issues and she wants to be friends partly because we are good to each other and partly because we have a child together and want the best for our child. I do want to be her friend but I am finding it very difficult to separate the emotions of friendship from the gf as everytime I see her or spend time with her, I have tunnel memories about the good times and want to be given another chance.

I moved out almost a year now and still experiencing the same feelings of not completely letting go. The feelings are not as strong as before but still having hope of a reunion. Misreading her kindness as hope for reunion. I feel so at home and comfortable around her that is not even funny. Or maybe I am kidding myself.

I need to let go. I need to explore why I was hesitant in committing to her. Having a child complicates things a little as I am force to see my ex...

I need help...

ps
I probably left a whole lot out but I am not going to read over it as I may end up just deleting it or sanitizing it more.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Lesson learned, no?

I committed to my husband (first time ever committing) but then had issues and he moved out 5.5 weeks ago (we are healing). I'm in therapy and we'll be ok. 

However, LESSON LEARNED.

Nothing is lost here...don't look at it as letting her go, think about it as getting YOU back. Look at why you didn't want to commit but do now. Figure yourself out and maybe there'll be something between you two in the future. Life is long


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## 2bhappy (Aug 7, 2011)

I appreciate your opinion. After being with someone for so long your lives are so intertwine that rediscovering myself, living separate lives, seems so contradictory and painful.


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## sadman:( (Oct 1, 2011)

my situation is kinda similar, except your about a year ahead of me.. we just seperated today for a week to see how things go.. im in no position to give advice here because im a wreck but i wanted you to know i am going thru something similar. 75% of me says when she walks out the door im sooo done with everything,, because im afrade i will just get hurt again. the other 25% of me says love has no boundrys. Did you feel like this at the beginning? i too am hoping for a new start or another chance before she goes for good..


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