# Is There Hope...



## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

This is my first time posting, but I could really use some advice. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for the last year and a half. I have a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship that he treats and takes care of as his own. This is the first time being married for both of us.
About 2 years ago we hit a rough patch in our relationship, but we were able to make it through-even deciding to get married after the whole mess. A few months after we got married, my H started complaining that I was not showing him the affection and emotions he needs sexually. We have been trying to have a baby for sometime and I thought this might have to do with my lack of emotions and affection. I suggested that we try to make some time for the two of us. This would happen but it wouldn't last. Before long, we would end up having the same conversation about the same subject. We basically swept our issues under the rug and tried to move on with the marriage.
Two months ago we purchased and moved into our first home. A week later we had our routine argument about the same issues. This time the argument escalated, I ended up in the bathroom in tears and he was there to console me, promising that we would fix this together and he would NEVER leave me over this. A week ago today, my H informed me that he was no longer in love with me and didn't know what he wanted to do. He said that the lack of emotion and affection has taken it's toll and he doesn't feel anything for me anymore. He said that he wants to be able to do whatever he wants no questions asked. He told me that there is nothing I can do to change his mind. 
You can imagine how shocked I was. The week only brought more bad news. Friday he told me that he wanted to "break up" and I was no longer "his girl" and free to do what I wanted. He also said that I was no longer "his type" because I don't have any independence from him. Over the past three years he has financially supported me and said he wanted me to be at home. Now this disgusts him about me. He says I need to find myself and he needs to find himself, but I thought that was something you do as a couple once you were married. He also said that marriage is dumb and the vows we took mean nothing because I have pushed him to far. 
As of now, we are still sharing the same house, room and bed. i have no family or friends in my new town(his home town). I am looking to get a job and create a little independence for myself and my daughter. I am trying to work on our marriage even if he isn't ready to right now. I refuse to give up on this! Is there hope for my marriage or am I grasping at straws? I know right now he doesn't want to work on it but can this change. It has only been a week but it feels like a year. Any advice?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

This is absolutely fixable with counseling, but when you get there, its up to you both to actually fix it. Many people get there and don't care or don't want to change. 

It really comes down to now if you both are willing to honor the vows now when things are hard and actually make the changes suggested. 

Also, get the best counselor you can. 

If you are religiously inclined, get involved in that as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

Thanks anx. I agree that this is fixable with counseling but my H is dead set against getting help. He had some bad experiences with therapy as a child. At this point that is not an option.

I am willing and still honoring our vows, but he has stated that he doesn't believe in or vows and says marriage is just a piece of paper. 

It seems that he is making every excuse to not have to work on our marriage at this point. I have read that it is possible to work on my marriage by myself so that is what I am trying to do. I just don't know if it is all in vain. It has only been a week which isn't very long in this type of situation(so I've been told). I don't want to make any quick decisions so soon.

I am not a religious person but very spiritual. I am looking for some spiritual guidance for myself at the moment. I feel that I would greatly benefit from counseling. Thanks again for your input anx.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Unfortunately you have no control over him. He may or may not change his mind and that may happen in either a day or 2 years. It's unfortunate the wording of vows and people actually putting that in practice isn't close to the same. It's especially hard on women in your situation who are faced with financial hardship. 

You can work for on it alone, but there is no way to see the outcome. 

I wish you the best of luck. My mc story is in my profile. It's been a long road with still no clear outcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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