# Should I Ask or is It Better Not Knowing



## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

I've just seperated from my H two weeks. I almost sure he is/has been having an affair. We are not living together now. I want to ask him, but is it just better now knowing??? 

I'm a strong cookie and have been moving on by myself, but something in the back of my mind just wants to know for sure.

What do you think?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Don't bother asking, he will lie, b/c he doesn't want to hurt you.

He's seeing someone your gut tells you so, If you don't want to know, then if you two get back together it will always be in the back of your mind.

So, either do your own investigation or hire a PI and you will know for sure. You will know were you stand and how much he has invested in the relationship. Knowing will give you pain, but it will also give you the proof in knowing you need to move on or at the very least confront him with the hard evidence and let him know you will not share him.

Quitely find out and get the proof, it will prevent this relationship from dragging until god knows when. With proof you can make an educated dicision in what you need to do for your self.


----------



## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

Thank you The Guy. I guess my gut is right and it doesn't matter in the long run. I don't plan on ever reconciling. I'm so hurt by his distance and lack of compassion throughout all this. I will move on, I'm sure the truth will come out eventually. Thanks again
PS, can't afford a PI


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Someone asked me once about whether I'd like to know the day which I would die and how. My answer was, there's people like that, millions of them, every day. We call them terminally ill.


----------



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

For me personally, I have a need to know. Some people are better off in the dark. This depends on you. The way I look at it, is you cannot heal and move forward if you are in the dark. Instead, you may feel a certain peace not knowing but it will always be nagging in the back of your mind. Knowing the truth allows you to face the problem and then you can conquer the problem. If a person is ill, the doctor prescribes them medicine so they can get better but the type of illness determines the type of medicine. If you do not know what kind of illness you have, how do you know what medicine you need to get better? And if the person who is ill, does not go to the doctor, they can only expect to get worse instead of better. If the worst is true, it will be the most painful thing ever, be prepared for that. But to heal and to get the proper medicine, we need the truth. (I hope that makes sense)


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya move on... whats to gain at this point!

I stayed in the dark for years while married. It did wonders for my career. We each did our own thing for 13 years... back in Feb.'10 I needed a changed and W came along after 20 OM's.
Good thing she did or she would of ended up in a bad way. She thanks me every day for stepping up and saving her.


----------



## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I found that not knowing(now that I'm leaving) is better for me because nothing, except my wife, is tainted for me. I won't "trigger" if I pass by a certain spot they frequented because I don't know about it.

the guy- Don't want to hijack, but... did you say 20 OM's?


----------



## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I wouldn't want to know.. I mean whats the point? Its over for you two already right? So what good is it going to do to know if he had an affair or not? It doesn't change the fact that its over.


----------



## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Very difficult question, I guess it would depend on how it might effect any future decsions.

For instance, is there any chance of a reconciliation? If so, you might want to know the truth. If he wants to get back together in a few months, knowing if he had an affair is very important in my opinion. If you wouldn't take him back regardless, then not so much.

Also, if it was an affair, learning the signs of one or how to prevent them would be helpful for any future relationships. However, you can still do that without knowing the truth. 

I'd guess your instincts are right, but you sound like you're handling it well. Good luck!


----------

