# Do parents usually let their new partners meet the children before moving them in?



## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Hey everyone,

I picked up my daughter today from her dad's. 

She told me that her dad told her this weekend that his girlfriend is moving in, and then she broke down crying. Our daughter has never met this person. He did tell her he had a girlfriend late last year. They apparently broke up for a couple of months and now she is moving in! Is it just me or is there usually a meet my children to see how they get along? So there is some sort of relationship first? I'm just floored by this. It feels like he isn't putting our 12 year old first. I'm pretty angry but I have kept this to myself. He didn't even ask her how she felt about it!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Obviously, your ex doesn't care if the two get along. Your daughter did not figure into the decision at all. He doesn't care what type of relationship they have.

Some dads are good dads and some are ass holes.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

that's sad. Even if the daughter doesn't have the last say, of course she would feel better if her father had her meet and interact with the gf a few times before she moved in. I wonder how the courts will take that since he is the non custodial parent.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

She has spent the night crying her eyes out. She is finally asleep. I told her that all I can do is be there for her and I understand why she is so upset. I told her she doesn't have to go if she really doesn't want to. But she said she really likes spending the time with her brother who has moved in there. He is 20. She spends most of her time with him. he takes her out etc. He visits me but he is usually tired after work and it's usually just for a meal. 

He is just so self-important.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Based on your previous threads, your ex does as he pleases without regard to anyone else. It’s unfortunate for her but she’s old enough now to know this is just who he is. To answer your question, yes, most people tend to introduce their children beforehand but not all. He’s one who doesn’t.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The hardest thing for your daughter will be when this doesn’t work out, as they have already broke up once. She will have to suffer through yet another breakup. Does she have kids she’s also moving in?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

m.t.t said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> I picked up my daughter today from her dad's.
> 
> She told me that her dad told her this weekend that his girlfriend is moving in, and then she broke down crying. Our daughter has never met this person. He did tell her he had a girlfriend late last year. They apparently broke up for a couple of months and now she is moving in! Is it just me or is there usually a meet my children to see how they get along? So there is some sort of relationship first? I'm just floored by this. It feels like he isn't putting our 12 year old first. I'm pretty angry but I have kept this to myself. He didn't even ask her how she felt about it!


This can be very psychologically and emotionally damaging to your daughter.

He should rethink it and, if you have the resources, get a background check on this woman.

Just because he is having sex with her doesn't qualify her to be shoved on your daughter without a grace period for getting to know her.

Callous disregard for your daughter by both of them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

m.t.t said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> I picked up my daughter today from her dad's.
> 
> She told me that her dad told her this weekend that his girlfriend is moving in, and then she broke down crying. Our daughter has never met this person. He did tell her he had a girlfriend late last year. They apparently broke up for a couple of months and now she is moving in! Is it just me or is there usually a meet my children to see how they get along? So there is some sort of relationship first? I'm just floored by this. It feels like he isn't putting our 12 year old first. I'm pretty angry but I have kept this to myself. He didn't even ask her how she felt about it!


Uh... this is terrible.

It's very concerning that your ex and his girlfriend would do this to a child. Sadly, it seems that a fair number of parents do not get that most children get very upset over having a step-parent move in. The child did not pick this person. The fact that your ex and his girlfriend do not respect you daughter enough to have the girlfriend first develop a relationship with her is going to below up in their faces.

Most children do not react well to a step-parent even if they know that person before they move in. This is doomed to fail for your daughter.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> He should rethink it and, if you have the resources, get a background check on this woman.


I know nothing about her. My ex hasnt told me even that this is happening or he has even met someone. I only know this through my daughter and son. I don’t know her name, age, if she has children etc, I know nothing about her.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

m.t.t said:


> I know nothing about her. My ex hasnt told me even that this is happening or he has even met someone. I only know this through my daughter and son. I don’t know her name, age, if she has children etc, I know nothing about her.


Do you have the ability to run a background check on her? They aren't too expensive and you can get a lot of information.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Do you have the ability to run a background check on her? They aren't too expensive and you can get a lot of information.


I don't think you can do that in Australia. Also as I said I have no name first or last, age, workplace etc she is a complete stranger to me. All the info I know would be from a brief conversation with my son who said she is a bit like dad. He has seen her but has said that he has never had a conversation with her. Thinking about what you guys have said What sort of woman moves in with a man without asking to meet his children properly first. Unless she doesn't think they are that important to him or she has low emotional intelligence as well?


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> The hardest thing for your daughter will be when this doesn’t work out, as they have already broke up once. She will have to suffer through yet another breakup. Does she have kids she’s also moving in?


No kids mentioned. I would say she would be in their 30s knowing my ex, She either doesn't want them or is happy not to have them. But seeing as she hasn't asked to meet my daughter she might not even like them.


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