# I'm about to file. Should I?



## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

Me and my wife have been having issues for awhile now. I met her online over a year ago and we "dated" for the seven months I was deployed for. Everything seemed great then. She seemed like a motivated, determined single mother. She was working, running errands, etc. She told me that she had some medical problems that I said wouldn't be an issue for me. I should've seen the signs when I first got back from deployment but I was worn out and blinded by love. Looking back she didn't even seem excited that I was back. She sure acted excited on Skype and all. She seemed cold and distant, like she didn't want me after all. I financially supported her and her daughter for months while deployed. But I wanted a family and just wrote it off. She wanted to get married asap and I didn't. But one Sunday morning after being subjected to her put downs and being ignored, she proposed to me in front of all the women at the church. I was so overwhelmed and taken aback and I said yes. Greatest mistake ever, it only got worse from there. She basically gave up at that point. She quit her job and became very withdrawn. She'd sit in the bathtub all day because of her eczema and watch TV on her laptop while I took care of her child all day. Having just returned from overseas, work was relaxed for about a month. I'd be home by 0900 and I took care of her daughter, the house, and all her demands all day while she relaxed. It got even worse once normal hours resumed. I would return home at 1 or 2 in the afternoon to a ghost town. She'd be sleeping while her daughter would be trapped in her room with a full diaper. Alot of times she would remove it and get poop all over the place. I endured this for months until I couldn't anymore. I confronted her about it and said I was done. Just like any other time I brought up a concern I got a sob story about her past and excuses. Then came the last ditch "I'm pregnant " card. I fell for it and only a few days later did she have a "miscarriage ". Her promise to change lasted about a week before she slid back into her old routine. To make matters worse her daughter can get out of her room and I get home later. Countless times she has gotten into dangerous stuff while my wife sleeps or sits in the tub. Prescriptions, sleeping pills, lotion, scissors, you name it. I confront her about it and get the same crap. She sees no fault and doesn't care about the danger her two year old daughter gets into because of her. It's a cycle. Something happens, we argue, she makes promises, honeymoon phase and then it starts over. Arguments go around and around with her because she can never be wrong. Recently multiple instances with her daughter have occurred and no matter what I say or do it keeps happening. She has totalled my Dodge Grand Caravan with no remorse. All because she was mad, ran it into a lightpole. Then she physically assaulted me during an argument the other day. I cannot take her crap anymore and I have gotten divorce papers signed and ready. Even with the threat of divorce the crap with her child still happens. She doesn't take me seriously. We have one car and she keeps scheduling appointments making actually filing difficult. Also she doesn't have her affairs together (job, car, etc.) I just want this nightmare to be over. My family has my back as well as alot of her relatives. What do you all think?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

It sounds horrid. File immediately. Once you're legally separated and living apart, call Children's Services.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Divorce and run as far as you can, it is only going to get a lot worse. Sounds like you gave her plenty of chances to get her crap together.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> It sounds horrid. File immediately. Once you're legally separated and living apart, call Children's Services.





Lostme said:


> Divorce and run as far as you can, it is only going to get a lot worse. SOund slike you gave her plenty of chances to get her crap together.


Agreed.


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

She's also playing the pregnancy card again. She recently had her thyroid removed and has been struggling with her calcium and hormone levels. She had her endocrinology appointment the other day. Levels are still low but about twenty minutes after leaving she gets a call and posts on Facebook that she's pregnant. I'm her husband and that's how I found out. It's all fishy to me and she refuses to pee on a stick for me as proof. I plan on turning in the papers Monday, no appointments on the calendar.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

JDB11193 said:


> She's also playing the pregnancy card again. She recently had her thyroid removed and has been struggling with her calcium and hormone levels. She had her endocrinology appointment the other day. Levels are still low but about twenty minutes after leaving she gets a call and posts on Facebook that she's pregnant. I'm her husband and that's how I found out. It's all fishy to me and she refuses to pee on a stick for me as proof. I plan on turning in the papers Monday, no appointments on the calendar.


No more sex w/ her.

File ASAP.


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

We live off base in a apartment. It's going to cost a pretty penny to get this place in shape for new tenants. It's mostly destroyed because of my daughter getting into crap while she's sleeping. I love her and treat her as my own but I'm not going to continue on with this for her.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She has used you to support her and help raise her daughter. She's not the first, and won't be the last, user out there. Be careful.


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

You're right. She never has supported her on her own. It was her grandmother and then her grandfather before me. I hear horror stories from her father, family, and church members. Her own bishop even talked to me and suggested divorce. With no children or property I hope it goes through smoothly. I plan on returning home once I go on terminal leave. She needs to be gone by then.


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

She was going back to Arizona to live with her friend but now claims she can't. I plan on going back to CT.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is she taking her thyroid replcement hormone? How willl she get that after the divorce? I assumed she is getting it now through your military insurance


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

I don't know how she will and after all she has put me through I frankly don't care. I get out in July.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I agree with the other poster, do not have sex with her. She is going to pull all the strings so your going to have to stay strong and remember all the crap she is putting you through.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

What a nightmare. You better hope you didn't get her pregnant. lol. 

Why are you asking if you should file? Do you really have any doubts? Get your life back!


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

I don't have any doubts about it but it's nice to hear from other people that I'm not crazy for wanting out. I avoid sex at all costs. When I asked her to take the test for me the other day she refused and said she'll do it next week (this upcoming Wednesday ). She said it would show up negative now even though blood work apparently says she's pregnant. She now pushes for sex more than she has our whole marriage. I'm not falling for her nonsense.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

JDB11193 said:


> I don't have any doubts about it but it's nice to hear from other people that I'm not crazy for wanting out. I avoid sex at all costs. *When I asked her to take the test for me the other day she refused and said she'll do it next week (this upcoming Wednesday ).* She said it would show up negative now even though blood work apparently says she's pregnant. She now pushes for sex more than she has our whole marriage. I'm not falling for her nonsense.


LOL.

Plenty of time for some other guy to knock her up.

If she turns up pregnant, demand an in utero paternity test.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Bishop? Are you telling me this is a Mormon girl and her Bishop is telling you to get divorced? It has got to be bad.


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## SandyY2K (Apr 1, 2016)

Divorce her like yesterday. Even if she brings a stick.. believe her. I saw a true show where a woman bought pee from a pregnant girl.

DNA should be your only evidence.

Classic user she is.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

Oh lord, sweetheart, you have a tag chaser on your hands. Someone who marries into the military just for the benefits. Also, she sounds freaking crazy. Not taking care of her child? What???? Pretending she's pregnant and now all of a sudden wanting sex a lot? If she were to get pregnant now, it wouldn't show up on a test for another month or so. Like 4-6 weeks. Sounds like she's trying to get pregnant to get you to stay or to get more benefits from you when you divorce her. I agree, avoid all sex or at least use a condom, but don't let her get a hold of them or she might try to break them or puncture holes! I would just file and get her served. Be done with her. Also, tell her family about how she neglects her child, maybe someone will take the child in and properly take care of her.


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

Update:

- According to the pregnancy tests I bought her, she is unfortunately pregnant. On the other hand I have no solid proof from a doctor. 

-I haven't had sex with her or slept next to her since I first posted. She went on a tirade on Facebook calling me a pig for having sex with her and other personal matters that Facebook doesn't need to see.

-I tried to file an uncontested divorce but I can't file until she signs her part. She wanted to go the other route until she seen how that works. She has agreed to sign but hasn't yet.

-I gave her a deadline to get out of my life so I can get the apartment we leave in back and shape and so I can continue my life. Also I paid DCF a visit in person and reported her.

-I keep busy everyday to minimize my time around her. I've had to stay at a hotel a few times because I cannot sleep. She continues to do nothing all day and then decides to make a racket at night when I'm trying to sleep. Also she's trying to get spousal support from me.

She's just going to try to hang on as long as possible and make me even more miserable than she already has, if that's possible. I'm so stressed out, I can't stand it. I don't even want to go home. She needs to go!


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

JDB11193 said:


> Update:
> 
> - According to the pregnancy tests I bought her, she is unfortunately pregnant. On the other hand I have no solid proof from a doctor.
> 
> ...


Not to burst your bubble or anything but if a pregnancy test is positive then she's pregnant. The test will not turn positive unless there is enough HCG hormone in the system to turn it so. And HCG increases when the woman is pregnant, and it is a dramatic increase, almost exponentially everyday. 

What I suggest is get a paternity test when the baby is born and if the child is yours then you are going to be paying child support. I'm not sure what the laws are on spousal support if she has a dependent. 

However, if you still want a divorce, pregnant or not, then go for it. She sounds like a toxic individual who is trying everything she can to keep you for a paycheck and a roof over her head. You two can co-parent and not be together.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

It's time to end it. You've done all you could and even more than you should have. Make sure Family Services takes her daughter and places her with a family who really wants her.


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## Trojan John (Sep 30, 2011)

Did you actually see her put the stick in her own, fresh urine?


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## JDB11193 (Apr 8, 2016)

Yes she did pee in front of me. I've already notified DHS, my Command and Fleet and Family Support Center about the child neglect. FFSC even notified DHS again because they have to. If the child is taken her parents will most likely adopt her. They foster children already and said they would take her if needed. It's her biological daughter, not mine. As for the new born it is mine. I got her pregnant after the Seabee Ball. I'm going after custody of the new born because she is not fit to be a mother. I have everything documented. Pictures, text messages, case reports, etc.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

JDB11193 said:


> Yes she did pee in front of me. I've already notified DHS, my Command and Fleet and Family Support Center about the child neglect. FFSC even notified DHS again because they have to. If the child is taken her parents will most likely adopt her. They foster children already and said they would take her if needed. It's her biological daughter, not mine. As for the new born it is mine. I got her pregnant after the Seabee Ball. I'm going after custody of the new born because she is not fit to be a mother. I have everything documented. Pictures, text messages, case reports, etc.


You do what is best for your child. Make sure you document everything, because it is hard to convince a judge to take a child away from its mother unless there is solid proof that she is an unfit parent.


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