# Husband flaunting his cheating and asked for divorce



## Lostinthelight

I've been married for 9 years with a 5 yr old, and my husband has been cheating for months. He denied it adamantly and just said, he's tired and believes that we can't live together anymore. Now we're still living in the same house, and he continues on with this other woman, nonstop. He's planning things, and I have just hired a lawyer. Apparently, he's been preparing for a while but again won't admit it. So here I am on this forum looking for support.


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## frenchpaddy

welcome to the forum , I am sorry you are here , Your husband has taking the lead , It is not going to be easy to go through a divorce and living under the same roof , but you husband seems to be taking a very clear cut mind on the idea 
I AM NO help to you as I don't know anything about law in your state BUT others here do , it might be best to ask on a different part of this forum , as the divorce is on and you have excerpted the end of this relationship is near , 

try and look on it as not a mistake but more that you shared a time and grow apart and that you both have a child that can receive love from both his parents even if they don't love each other, and try not to blame the new gf for you growing apart


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## EleGirl

Lostinthelight said:


> I've been married for 9 years with a 5 yr old, and my husband has been cheating for months. He denied it adamantly and just said, he's tired and believes that we can't live together anymore. Now we're still living in the same house, and he continues on with this other woman, nonstop. He's planning things, and I have just hired a lawyer. Apparently, he's been preparing for a while but again won't admit it. So here I am on this forum looking for support.


I too am sorry that you are going through this. It's tough.

You say that he's been preparing for a while. What does that mean? Does he have a lawyer? What has he done to prepare?


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## Rayr44

Sorry to hear your situation. Looks like he is going down a path of disaster. Hope you come out of this stronger.


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## BeyondRepair007

@Lostinthelight Welcome to TAM, I’m sorry for the situation that brings you here.

Hiring the lawyer was smart, just follow their lead.

How is your support system?
Do you have parents nearby, or friends, or church?

What about working, do you have a job?

Have you thought about how co-parenting will work? Does he plan to stay involved with your 5 yo or is he the type to run off and never look back?


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## Lostinthelight

Rayr44 said:


> Sorry to hear your situation. Looks like he is going down a path of disaster. Hope you come out of this stronger.





EleGirl said:


> I too am sorry that you are going through this. It tough.
> 
> You say that he's been preparing for a while. What does that mean? Does he have a lawyer? What has he done to prepare?


Thank you for your kind words. He has a lawyer, and didn’t tell me. He’s prepared all paperwork for the past month and again hasn’t mentioned anything.


BeyondRepair007 said:


> @Lostinthelight Welcome to TAM, I’m sorry for the situation that brings you here.
> 
> Hiring the lawyer was smart, just follow their lead.
> 
> How is your support system?
> Do you have parents nearby, or friends, or church?
> 
> What about working, do you have a job?
> 
> Have you thought about how co-parenting will work? Does he plan to stay involved with your 5 yo or is he the type to run off and never look back?


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## Lostinthelight

Lostinthelight said:


> Thank you for your kind words. He has a lawyer, and didn’t tell me. He’s prepared all paperwork for the past month and again hasn’t mentioned anything.
> 
> He is overly involved with our 5yr old, that has been one of my main issues. I do work full-time and have a better career than him. He is a green card holder thanks to me and apparently has filed something in his home country (Switzerland). I saw an attorney’s name. He’s being very secretive.


I don’t have any family nearby but have friends who check in by phone.


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## Always Learning

First thing to do is to get a custody order preventing him from taking your daughter out of the US. If he is getting lawyer in his home country he may be planning to take her back there, that is about the only reason I can see he would need a lawyer from his country.


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## Lostinthelight

Always Learning said:


> First thing to do is to get a custody order preventing him from taking your daughter out of the US. If he is getting lawyer in his home country he may be planning to take her back there, that is about the only reason I can see he would need a lawyer from his country.


Thank you for your advice. I am very worried.


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## farsidejunky

Always Learning said:


> First thing to do is to get a custody order preventing him from taking your daughter out of the US. If he is getting lawyer in his home country he may be planning to take her back there, that is about the only reason I can see he would need a lawyer from his country.


This. 

Does your daughter have a passport?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthelight

farsidejunky said:


> This.
> 
> Does your daughter have a passport?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## frenchpaddy

Lostinthelight said:


> Yes both us and Swiss and I can’t find them


you need to work fast he might be making plans to run


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## Lostinthelight

frenchpaddy said:


> you need to work fast he might be making plans to run


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## frenchpaddy

Lostinthelight said:


> I called the Swiss attorney’s office but they’re on vacation until sometime in August (message was in French), I also sent a cease and desist email to the attorney and letting him know that whatever was filed was done without my knowledge. I’m considering calling the Swiss embassy and letting them know.


yes many shut down here for a month ,


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## frenchpaddy

just a thought report the passport as missing and get it canceled


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## BeyondRepair007

Also check with your lawyer about this. (Him possibly leaving with child)
There may be other legal remedies to prevent it.

Canceling the passport is a splendid idea if you can make that happen.


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## Lostinthelight

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Also check with your lawyer about this. (Him possibly leaving with child)
> There may be other legal remedies to prevent it.
> 
> Canceling the passport is a splendid idea if you can make that happen.


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## MermaidShore

Lostinthelight said:


> I've been married for 9 years with a 5 yr old, and my husband has been cheating for months. He denied it adamantly and just said, he's tired and believes that we can't live together anymore. Now we're still living in the same house, and he continues on with this other woman, nonstop. He's planning things, and I have just hired a lawyer. Apparently, he's been preparing for a while but again won't admit it. So here I am on this forum looking for support.


I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. The best I can do is that sometimes husbands are idiots.


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## Lostinthelight

goodnightgracey said:


> I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. The best I can do is that sometimes husbands are idiots.


Thank you for your kind words.


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## DownByTheRiver

Lostinthelight said:


> I've been married for 9 years with a 5 yr old, and my husband has been cheating for months. He denied it adamantly and just said, he's tired and believes that we can't live together anymore. Now we're still living in the same house, and he continues on with this other woman, nonstop. He's planning things, and I have just hired a lawyer. Apparently, he's been preparing for a while but again won't admit it. So here I am on this forum looking for support.


Well, stop even talking to him about it and just follow the advice of your attorney. The less talk the better at this point. Just get the divorce over and done with.


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## Evinrude58

Great j


frenchpaddy said:


> just a thought report the passport as missing and get it canceled


Great advice FP, and I hope your attorney gets you the best possible deal and are able to move on and detach quickly. You don’t want to waste one more thought on this low person.
Very sorry


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## Lostinthelight

Evinrude58 said:


> Great j
> 
> Great advice FP, and I hope your attorney gets you the best possible deal and are able to move on and detach quickly. You don’t want to waste one more thought on this low person.
> Very sorry


Thank you Everyone so much!


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## EleGirl

Lostinthelight said:


> Thank you for your kind words. He has a lawyer, and didn’t tell me. He’s prepared all paperwork for the past month and again hasn’t mentioned anything.
> 
> He is overly involved with our 5yr old, that has been one of my main issues. I do work full-time and have a better career than him. He is a green card holder thanks to me and apparently has filed something in his home country (Switzerland). I saw an attorney’s name. He’s being very secretive.


Does your son have a passport? If you think he does not, is there any chance that your husband got one and has not told you? When my son's father and I divorced, he had gotten a passport for our son. My ex has family in Italy, and I was concerned that he was going to take our son to Italy. So, my attorney had the court order my husband to give our son's passport to his attorney. His attorney held the passport until after the divorce was final and custody was in place.

Have you seen the divorce papers he has drawn up?


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## Lostinthelight

EleGirl said:


> Does your son have a passport? If you think he does not, is there any chance that your husband got one and has not told you? When my son's father and I divorced, he had gotten a passport for our son. My ex has family in Italy, and I was concerned that he was going to take our son to Italy. So, my attorney had the court order my husband to give our son's passport to his attorney. His attorney held the passport until after the divorce was final and custody was in place.
> 
> Have you seen the divorce papers he has drawn up?


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## EleGirl

Lostinthelight said:


> I haven't seen any divorce papers. My son has dual citizenship, US and Swiss. Both are valid.


Does your son have 2 passports, one for each country?


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## Lostinthelight

EleGirl said:


> Does your son have 2 passports, one for each country?


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## Anastasia6

Well you really need to get a US attorney like yesterday. Swiss courts probably don't overrule US courts you need to get a order that restricts him from leaving the country with your child.


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## Anastasia6

It's obvious he has some plan to do so or he would be open with you are what is going on. But in the end you need an attorney. Cause even if you husband 'tells' you what's going on you can't trust him.


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## Lostinthelight

Anastasia6 said:


> It's obvious he has some plan to do so or he would be open with you are what is going on. But in the end you need an attorney. Cause even if you husband 'tells' you what's going on you can't trust him.


Very true. I've informed my attorney. I really wanted to do this all amicably but I guess he doesn't want to.


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## EleGirl

If at all possible you need to file for divorce ASAP, your attorney could probably add something to the divorce papers addressing the actions he's taken thus far that you know of. His sneaky behavior points to him probably intending to leave teh US with your child. So have the attorney put in a provision of him having to turn over both of your child's passports.

Once all that is done, then you can push for the divorce to be done amicably. 

My son's father actually did take off with our son. I'm not sure where he thought he was going since our son's passport was already locked down. My attorney called an emergency court hearing to do what was necessary to get my ex to return our son to me. After that, things did calm down quite a bit.

Get copies of everything, all papers, etc. that you can find. Get a safe place to store them. In your case since you don't have family around, your work might be the best place. When I did this, I rented a small, climate-controlled storage room. Put shelves, a table, chair, etc. in there so I could work on things in the storage room. This might seem extreme, but I found out that my now ex was moving money into his mother's name to hide it from me. If did not have a private place to go through the things that I found, I might have never discovered the money trail.

What do you know about this woman he's having an affair with?


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## Lostinthelight

EleGirl said:


> If at all possible you need to file for divorce ASAP, your attorney could probably add something to the divorce papers addressing the actions he's taken thus far that you know of. His sneaky behavior points to him probably intending to leave teh US with your child. So have the attorney put in a provision of him having to turn over both of your child's passports.
> 
> Once all that is done, then you can push for the divorce to be done amicably.
> 
> My son's father actually did take off with our son. I'm not sure where he thought he was going since our son's passport was already locked down. My attorney called an emergency court hearing to do what was necessary to get my ex to return our son to me. After that, things did calm down quite a bit.
> 
> Get copies of everything, all papers, etc. that you can find. Get a safe place to store them. In your case since you don't have family around, your work might be the best place. When I did this, I rented a small, climate-controlled storage room. Put shelves, a table, chair, etc. in there so I could work on things in the storage room. This might seem extreme, but I found out that my now ex was moving money into his mother's name to hide it from me. If did not have a private place to go through the things that I found, I might have never discovered the money trail.
> 
> What do you know about this woman he's having an affair with?


Thank you so much for your message! I know who the woman is, her name, #, home address, place of business. She is encouraging him to go against me. That he deserves a better wife, etc. I am having a hard time as I work from home. You're right, I need to be safe, as I need to ensure that my husband doesn't access my files.


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## Lostinthelight

goodnightgracey said:


> I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. The best I can do is that sometimes husbands are idiots.


Yes he is following something else besides his head. Our child will suffer so much. We all will suffer, but what else can I do?


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## Spoons027

Lostinthelight said:


> Yes he is following something else besides his head. Our child will suffer so much. We all will suffer, but what else can I do?


Protect yourself and your child. Your stbx is lost to the throes of whatever the OW is blowing up his ***.

The fact that he's also being sneaky about it shows that you can't let your guard down.

This is like the plot of Not Without My Daughter only in reverse.



Lostinthelight said:


> Very true. I've informed my attorney. I really wanted to do this all amicably but I guess he doesn't want to.


He's basically planning a kidnapping to whisk your kid away to another country and play happy families with this OW. Looks like it's long surpassed amicable.

Time to get your Mama Bear on.


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## Lostinthelight

Spoons027 said:


> Protect yourself and your child. Your stbx is lost to the throes of whatever the OW is blowing up his ***.
> 
> The fact that he's also being sneaky about it shows that you can't let your guard down.
> 
> This is like the plot of Not Without My Daughter only in reverse.
> 
> 
> 
> He's basically planning a kidnapping to whisk your kid away to another country and play happy families with this OW. Looks like it's long surpassed amicable.
> 
> Time to get your Mama Bear on.


You’re right. I’m now filing dissolution and all paperwork to protect my son from being taken overseas. The irony is that my husband made an appointment with a mediator today for us to interview. His documentation says he’s going after me for everything but he’s talking mediation.


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## Spoons027

Lostinthelight said:


> You’re right. I’m now filing dissolution and all paperwork to protect my son from being taken overseas. The irony is that my husband made an appointment with a mediator today for us to interview. His documentation says he’s going after me for everything but he’s talking mediation.


Yeah, don’t agree to anything without advice from your lawyer. Something tells me mediation is just to get you to soften up or cover up his real intentions.


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## Lostinthelight

Spoons027 said:


> Yeah, don’t agree to anything without advice from your lawyer. Something tells me mediation is just to get you to soften up or cover up his real intentions.


Well, papers will be filed tomorrow and he’s still talking mediation. And insists that travel is a dealbreaker.


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## Spoons027

Lostinthelight said:


> Well, papers will be filed tomorrow and he’s still talking mediation. And insists that travel is a dealbreaker.


Listen to his actions, not his words. He's talking mediation, but he's already been preparing his own paperwork and even has a document saying he's going for everything. Huge contradiction, yes?


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## Lostinthelight

Spoons027 said:


> Listen to his actions, not his words. He's talking mediation, but he's already been preparing his own paperwork and even has a document saying he's going for everything. Huge contradiction, yes?


Yes you’re right. It’s been this way our entire marriage, where he does something, either major, or minor and when I ask him why or just say something, he denies it or ignores me and continues doing it. It’s absolutely maddening.


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## MattMatt

How's it going, @Lostinthelight?


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## DownByTheRiver

Anastasia6 said:


> Well you really need to get a US attorney like yesterday. Swiss courts probably don't overrule US courts you need to get a order that restricts him from leaving the country with your child.


Passports can be frozen from this end by a court and an international warrant issued. I can only presume a civilized country would cooperate, but there are some who won't, such as Brazil.


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## DownByTheRiver

Even if he flees, ICE may pick him up somewhere if you get the court to freeze the passport. Once the passport is frozen, he won't be able to travel until he straightens it out, but of course, he may already be where he's going by then, and you have a problem.


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## Evinrude58

Don’t even think about acting in a reasonable manner with this kind of person. Get a shark attorney and just stand back and go what they say. Have ZERO mercy. None. Or you’ll regret it.


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## Lostinthelight

MattMatt said:


> How's it going, @Lostinthelight?


Hello MattMatt, thank you for asking. I’m now in my own new home that I’ve rented, H has yet to be served as he and his attorney have stalled communicating with my attorney. We agreed to deposit a specific amount of money in the joint account to pay the mortgage and bills, so the next day, he withdraws his entire amount to pay off his credit card in full. So I withdrew my money and now I’ll have to pay my half of the mortgage directly to the company and pay out of my own pocket the bills. I don’t have as much as he does and he’s demanding that I put my money back in there. I requested for a court order to force him to pay his half but we know how long this will be. I do have access to the joint account that has money that I can pay the bills from however because I’ve filed, I’m not sure I should do that. I’ll be calling my attorney first thing this morning.


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