# well its over



## shattered man

I had to give up.. long story short....i caught my wife in an affair....tried to forgive and move on...she kept lying i kept catching....and finally i had to walk away. ...so....now what.....i walked away in march...found a good job and bought a house and am starting over......20 years........pooof..........3 beautiful daughters is what i take with me.....that and the scars of her betrayal....i hate her for whats shes done to me and my family.....i hate her family for accepting her lies and condoning them.......it seems these days in small communities affairs are accepted.....i cant believe it.........moving on is so fricken hard to do....ive found a gf that has stood beside me and knows what im going thru....but im scared to death of opening up to her completely....how does one get thru this? how does one let go of the past when he sees it in his daughters.....im not the one who cheated yet i feel like the victim...she has the kids and im reduced to a part time father............this sucks


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## EleGirl

Sorry for what you are going through.

Sounds like it's been over for a long time. 

How old are your children?

So what's new today?

Has the divorce been filed?


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## doubletrouble

Start looking at your daughters as part of YOU, and less of her. You are going to do the lion's share of raising them; raise them to be images of you, not the ex. And if the gf is really into you, let it go. Let her in. Be vulnerable. It IS ok to do that. She's never given you a reason to think she's anything less than 100% on your side, right? Let her be your sounding board. 

Just don't wear her out on it, because she will only be able to last so long, hearing about this other woman who is so horrible. 

Once you let go if the ex, you'll be able to open up to this new woman. 

(Maybe you aren't really ready for a good, open, carefree, loving relationship?)


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## indiecat

I'm so glad you are not alone, finding a gf who is decent is a stroke of luck whether you realize it or not. Not all of us are so lucky to find companionship.


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## shattered man

well in case anybody cares im back....life is to a new normal i got 50/50 joint legal physical custody of my daughters thank god i get them every other week.....I love them so much it hurts....me and the gf are still together....im still not completely open to her....maybe i will never be able to......she is amazing with my girls and treats me like a king....i do love her ...i think.....i hate this small town....i see the guy she cheated and left me for daily....try to take the high road but its hard......just want life to give me a break here....


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## Wolf1974

shattered man said:


> well in case anybody cares im back....life is to a new normal i got 50/50 joint legal physical custody of my daughters thank god i get them every other week.....I love them so much it hurts....me and the gf are still together....im still not completely open to her....maybe i will never be able to......she is amazing with my girls and treats me like a king....i do love her ...i think.....i hate this small town....i see the guy she cheated and left me for daily....try to take the high road but its hard......just want life to give me a break here....


Their relationship won't last long. Keep your head up brother..... Good things will come. Just takes time


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## Dannie1348

Sorry to hear its over you can only do so much to save a marriage sounds like to did all that . The worse thing about divorce is the wife and father move on with there lives and live on . The kids are all ways on the losing end. Remember no matter what she's still there mother . Hope everything works out for you .


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## manticore

you have someone better at your side now, and you have your daughters, if your ex throw her family away for an affair, she is not a person worth of your loyalty and love, in a painful way you got rid of a selfish person that was not worth the effort that you put in your marriage.

stay strong, better things will come for you as long as you don't give up and begin to think just negatively

also, in this new relationship learn form your mistakes of the previous one, encourage with her communication and understanding, and remember just because your Ex, become a POS it does not mean that all the women are or become POS, but you are in your right to protect yourself for what your ex put you through, keep solidifying your relationship and hopefully one day you will be able to open completely to a woman worth of your loyalty and faith (hopefully will be your current GF)


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## manticore

I just read all your posts, you did the right thing, never doubt it, she betrayed you, she repeatedly told you she didn't regretted her affair WTF. She sacrificed your marriage for a player that have already slept with other married women in the past and she still knewing that, said that she didn't regretted the affairt and broke NC in multiple times, belive me man she was doomed and happy about it, she probably would have betrayed you in the future with the same POSOM once that the relationship wuld have entered in the comfort zone again, you did the more healthy and Smart for you.

I hope that you notified OM's fiance about all the times they broke NC, because is seems that she will be also betrayed many times in the future even if your wife is aout of the picture.


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## shattered man

I outed him as soon as i found out about the affair so there are no secrets about that......neither of them have regrets they say.....apparently he has already cheated on my ex but she gave up everything and everybody for this joker that she is sticking it out with him for now.....karma i guess....any suggestions on forgiveness....i hate her ...but sooner or later i have to forgive right?


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## manticore

so, they got together for now. Don't worry, as you say, she have the karma buss coming for her guaranteed, and also as you say, she will force herself to endure his cheating behaviour because after all she gave up everything for prince charming so now she have to stand it in the name of love (LOL).

I am not a the right person to speak about forgiveness, I myself I am a very unfogiving person, I believe that loyalty is one of the more important values in the world (regarding everything, friendship, love realtionships, work issues related).

in job interviews when thay ask me about my strong points I always say loyalty. 

No I don't think that you necessarily have to forgive her, I think that your goal have to be indifference, not forgirvness, once that her actions become indiferent to you then maybe you will be able to forgive her, but if not at least you will be able to let the hate go, because even the hate is a form of control.

besides forgiveness is a gift, and for her horrible and despicable attitude (she not being sorry about her affair, not respecting NC, and never apologizing about the hurt she put you through) is a gift that she doesn't want and she doesn't deserves, so is better to focus in yourself, your kids and even your GF and once that you are happy with your life you probably will be able to forgive her (or at least tolerate her).


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## Fenix

shattered man said:


> I outed him as soon as i found out about the affair so there are no secrets about that......neither of them have regrets they say.....apparently he has already cheated on my ex but she gave up everything and everybody for this joker that she is sticking it out with him for now.....karma i guess....any suggestions on forgiveness....i hate her ...but sooner or later i have to forgive right?


Not necessarily. Forgiveness is over-rated. First comes acceptance which means you accept what she did to you without feeling like you were punched in the gut. Acceptance does not mean that you condone or understand it. Just accept that it happened without the attendant pain. Personally, I think that forgiveness takes a helluva lot longer.


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## shattered man

maybe i wont ever forgive her for what she did........honestly she doesnt deserve it


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## nickgtg

shattered man said:


> maybe i wont ever forgive her for what she did........honestly she doesnt deserve it


The forgiveness is for you, not her. It seems as though you're trying to rush through all the emotions of getting divorced as quickly as possible. It doesn't work that way.

You need to work on yourself.


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