# 15year old making life hell for us



## ajg (Nov 4, 2013)

Hi 

I have two daughters one 15 year old and a 18 year old, our family is very dysfunctional, my husband who is the stepdad drinks and sometimes comes home drunk or stays out till all hours and occasions not come home. For this I'm going to counselling and addressing it and will take her as it has affected their relationship to the extent that she refuses to live with him. The reason I'm posting on this platform is because I don't know what to do about my 15 year old, she constantly fights with her sister and sometimes physically attacks her. My 18 year old is more quiet and loving and tries to avoid the confrontations with her sister. My 15 year old shoots her mouth off to all of us. She is a very angry person. She is very demanding about what she wants and has no concern about how her actions hurt the rest of us. It's been so bad I have considered putting her in a childrens home because she basically makes life hell for all of us with constantly fighting with all of us. She refuses to sleep alone in her room because she is scared, for a long time she wouldn't sleep alone and her sister had to sleep with her in the same bed. this year we managed to overcome that and she sleeps alone in the bed but not alone in the room. my 18 year old is moving out of home because she can't stand living with her sister who is always fighting with her. My 15 year old has this attitude I will protect myself and stand up for myself but usually she is the one doing the attacking. Has anyone got any advice.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Have you looked into individual counseling? Is there a reason for her anger?


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## ajg (Nov 4, 2013)

She hates her stepdad and feels her real dad doesn't care about her because when she was upset and wanted to go live with him he had all sorts of excuses, he is still single, she also blames me for accepting the drinking. Her difficult behaviour started when she was small about 8. Her sister also has a boyfriend who she spends most of her time with mainly on the weekends but it's because she doesn't want to be here and have her sister fight with her. The 15 year old can be very loving but is very easily triggered. She has had hidings from her stepdad over the years because she can be very disrespectful to me, she considers this abuse probably because of the degree he hit her, I had to step in and stop him alot of the time because she would go hysterical which would make him more angry. She also tended to fight back when she got a hiding and this would make him more angry.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Few thoughts:

Is it possible that your daughter's boyfriend has been inappropriate with her? 

Is it possible your husband is abusive towards her? And he acts diffently when you are around?


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## ajg (Nov 4, 2013)

the 15 year old who has the anger problem doesn't have a boyfriend , the 18 year old has a boyfriend so she is the one who disappears to his parents place with him on a weekend to get away from the 15 year old fighting with her. I honestly don't think there is any sexual abuse from my husbands side, although him and her do bait each other with snide remarks,which I usually step in and tell them to stop. I think it's more the hidings that have had a negative effect and the drinking. She was touched inappropriately by a boy of a similar age when she had a sleepover at a friend a few years ago and I never allowed her to sleep there again.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ajg said:


> the 15 year old who has the anger problem doesn't have a boyfriend , the 18 year old has a boyfriend so she is the one who disappears to his parents place with him on a weekend to get away from the 15 year old fighting with her.
> 
> *I meant the 18 year old boyfriend with your 15. Some of my sisters boyfriends were jerks with me and I resented my sister*
> 
> ...


*She may also feel ignored because her sister is busy with her boyfriend and dad didn't want her to live there.

Is it possible she is getting bullied at school?*


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So you allow your children to be beaten and abused by your drunkard of a husband and then blame them for having behavior issues?

This is why IC doesn't work for troubled teens. This whole family is a screwed up mess. The 15 year old is simply the one that calls attention to the dysfunction.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Ok I read your other thread, your husband doesn't just drink he's an alcoholic. I agree with Anonpink, nothing wrong with her. It's the situation she is in, please teach her that this is no way to live by getting out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old was the 15 year old when she started to insist on sleeping with her sister in the room/bed?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but you put your 8 year old daughter in a situation where she's "got hidings" from a drunk. No wonder she's got a lot of issues going on. And a lot of those issues are going to stem from the fact that the person who she should be able to protect her is apparently condoning the "hidings". 

My vote. Get rid of the drunk, get your daughter into counseling, get the three of you into family therapy. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ajg (Nov 4, 2013)

I agree with counselling and getting out. My husband does have a drinking problem which he doesn't acknowledge. He has never given her a hiding when he has been drinking so the picture of a drunk hitting her isn't the truth. His drinking got out of control in the last 4 years. When she has got a hiding from my husband it has been for disrespecting me and it's been on the backside. I have not stood by doing nothing, I have stepped in and stopped it. My daughter is very disrespectful to me and aggressive to her sister, I have already taken her sister once to the hospital because she hit her older sister so hard on the back that her older sister couldn't move, turned out it was muscle injury. I do take responsibility for the way things are so I'm not denying that. The financial fear of how we would cope financially has held me back from making a move, now I'm doing it and I don't know how I will cope. Her fear problems started in the previous house we lived in when she told me she was seeing things like someone sitting on the couch which none of us saw and hearing someone call her name.


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## ajg (Nov 4, 2013)

Well I read up on children in alcoholic homes and found that my 15 year old displays alot of the characteristics that these children have, hopefully now that we moving out she will get better. I realise I failed her because of my own fears and because I still hoped that the man I married would be stronger than the alcoholic man and it would get better, that's stupidity.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Can we be sure that this thread is real? I thought parents beating their children is illegal throughout the US (even though corporal punishment at school is still legal in some states.)

OP, you ask what you can do about your 15 yo. Just because your 18 yo is not difficult as far as YOU are concerned doesn't mean that she necessarily is not having any problems. 

This is what I mean by parents playing favorites. You are only concerned about your 15 yo because she makes your life difficult. But since your 18 yo has found ways to cope that make it easy to ignore her, then that's what you simply do.

Don't think for a moment that your 18 yo is doing well or that her relationship with her bf and family will last forever and therefore, she will never be a problem to you. 

If you care about both your daughters and hopefully equally -- and not just about the one who has the balls to make her problems your problems -- you will find whatever resources you can to get out of that marriage. and teach your daughters that anyone can find resilience to make a better life for themselves.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Her stepfather verbally abuses and beats her and yet you want to put HER in a children's home? She acts the way she does because she doesn't feel safe (with good reason) and her mother isn't protecting her. 

So don't be surprised that she's disrespectful to you - you aren't doing anything to earn her respect are you?

You keep yourself and your children in a dangerous, destructive environment because of money. It's unforgivable and you'll lose them both if you don't sort it


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Once the father hit her and you stepped in to stop it you protected her as you should have, but then your protection stopped. He has hit her other times, he is a drunk and an abuser and from her perspective you are allowing her to be subjected to his abuse, so yes she is mad at you, she is mad at him, she is mad at the world because she is hurting and no one is trying to save her, there is no one to trust. 

I would bet money she started sleeping with her sister because she was scared of your husband, maybe he wasn't sexually abusing her but just being in the same environment with him was upsetting to her, so she turned to her big sister for protection, and now that sis has a boyfriend the 15 year old has lost that safe place as well.

YOU need to get your self and the kids out of that environment, even if it takes going to a shelter. And both the girls need a professional to speak with, YOU need to save your children because they do not have the power or resources to do for them selves, that is a parents job.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

ajg said:


> She has had hidings from her stepdad over the years because she can be very disrespectful to me, she considers this abuse probably because of the degree he hit her, I had to step in and stop him alot of the time because she would go hysterical which would make him more angry. She also tended to fight back when she got a hiding and this would make him more angry.


Your husband had NO business putting his hands on your daughter in anger, no matter what she did or said. I am a step mum and would NEVER EVER hit my step daughter, let alone give her a hiding.

If my husband did that to my child, I would have divorced him after the first instance.

Your daughter is simply the squeaky wheel. She is not the problem. This family is broken.

I'm glad you're getting out. It will take a lot of work for that poor girl to undo the damage done by that awful man.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

What exactly is a "hiding"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What are you doing to prepare for moving out?


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> What exactly is a "hiding"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been wondering the same thing. When I think of "hiding" my mind goes to using a belt or other object on one's bottom, not a hand.

Neither one is okay, but the abuse is taken to another level if a belt or the like is used, IMO.

I am so sad for both of these girls. OP....your 15 year old is screaming for help and you have done nothing but fail her and her sister. You let these "hidings" continue....doesn't matter if he is drunk or sober. You are not doing everything in your power to get your kids away from this horrible man. Instead, you are thinking of sending the 15 year old away? What is that going to accomplish?


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

This is just terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself for letting this "man" abuse your daughter. I would be acting out too. I don't see how you can come here looking for help for her when you are the one who needs help. Your daughter needs love and some attention not to be beat and abused.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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