# Helppp



## Confusedinlove87 (Dec 6, 2021)

So the past few weeks I have been woken up to the bed shaking and the sound of my bf playing with him self. He nudges at me to see if I’m awake and then continues if I moved he immediately stops and pretends he is sleeping. Then he says there’s no way he does that! We have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys. I feel like he isn’t attracted to me. He says I’m lying and prove it. He says he loves me and wants this to work but this is taking a toll on me! Help


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You're having sex "numerous times a day", yet you feel he is unattracted to you because he rubs one out at night? Seriously?

He wouldn't be banging you like there's no tomorrow if he wasn't attracted to you.

If you think self-pleasure isn't okay, then he will have to hide it. Most likely to avoid an emotional overreaction from you (seeing as you posted this in the infidelity section as well).


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Confusedinlove87 said:


> So the past few weeks I have been woken up to the bed shaking and the sound of my bf playing with him self. He nudges at me to see if I’m awake and then continues if I moved he immediately stops and pretends he is sleeping. Then he says there’s no way he does that! We have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys. I feel like he isn’t attracted to me. He says I’m lying and prove it. He says he loves me and wants this to work but this is taking a toll on me! Help


If he's having sex with you several times a day, he is attracted to you. Does he show his love for you in other ways, like small favours throughout the day and limited complaining when you ask him to do stuff?


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Reach over and help him out next time or jump on him.


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## Memphi70 (Oct 28, 2013)

Confusedinlove87 said:


> So the past few weeks I have been woken up to the bed shaking and the sound of my bf playing with him self. He nudges at me to see if I’m awake and then continues if I moved he immediately stops and pretends he is sleeping. Then he says there’s no way he does that! We have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys. I feel like he isn’t attracted to me. He says I’m lying and prove it. He says he loves me and wants this to work but this is taking a toll on me! Help


I still get myself off. My wife and I have great sex and explore each other’s wants and needs. But sometimes I just need a quick release because of something I saw or thought about. If wasn’t having sex with you and masturbating I would be concerned. Like someone else wrote next time help him out or masturbate together.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Have I got this right. He is masturbating and nudges you awake. But if you move at all he stops and denies it. Sounds like he is playing some sort of weird game.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Confusedinlove87 said:


> So the past few weeks I have been woken up to the bed shaking and the sound of my bf playing with him self. He nudges at me to see if I’m awake and then continues if I moved he immediately stops and pretends he is sleeping. Then he says there’s no way he does that! We have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys. I feel like he isn’t attracted to me. He says I’m lying and prove it. He says he loves me and wants this to work but this is taking a toll on me! Help


What’s the big deal? He jerks off. Shocking! Like 99% of the world. The 1% that “never does” is lying.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

First, best to stick to one post, you got a duplicate of this one going in another section. 


let's see if I can break this down. 

Not attracted to you? That is an odd conclusion since you "have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys." 

The masturbation would typically not be a big deal. However, if you truly are having sex numerous times a day AND he still masturbates it would seem he has a hyper active sex drive, maybe even an actual addiction to sex. Even when I was in my 20's I don't think I could have sex 2-3 times a day then throw in some masturbation. That doesn't sound normal to me. 

The lying/hiding what he is doing is no surprise. He is embarrassed and ashamed of it. Honestly, how hard would it be to actually catch him in the act so he can't deny it? 

Need some more details. How old are you and how long have you been together and living together? Under what circumstances does he say "he loves you and want this to work out?" Is that what he says when you confront him about the masturbation he is denying?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Confusedinlove87 said:


> So the past few weeks I have been woken up to the bed shaking and the sound of my bf playing with him self. He nudges at me to see if I’m awake and then continues if I moved he immediately stops and pretends he is sleeping. Then he says there’s no way he does that! We have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys. I feel like he isn’t attracted to me. He says I’m lying and prove it. He says he loves me and wants this to work but this is taking a toll on me! Help


I don't know if he's attracted to you or not, but if not he certainly willing to have sex with anyone who is willing since he seems to have a higher sex drive. There's nothing wrong with his masturbating especially if he's just doing it all by himself and not watching porn during. Since he's very high demand I would say let him masturbate all he wants unless you are wanting more sex than you're already getting but even then it's his business if he masturbates just as it would be if you do. He's kind of a weasel for lying about what he's doing. Maybe he used to get in trouble for masturbating from his mother or something. I would just let him go at it and go back to sleep unless you want to participate.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know if he's attracted to you or not, but if not he certainly willing to have sex with anyone who is willing since he seems to have a higher sex drive. There's nothing wrong with his masturbating especially if he's just doing it all by himself and not watching porn during. Since he's very high demand I would say let him masturbate all he wants unless you are wanting more sex than you're already getting but even then it's his business if he masturbates just as it would be if you do. He's kind of a weasel for lying about what he's doing. Maybe he used to get in trouble for masturbating from his mother or something. I would just let him go at it and go back to sleep unless you want to participate.


And you know he's lying about it because somehow she backed him into a corner, already passed judgment in her mind, negative thoughts that showed in her body language or choice of words when asking him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> What’s the big deal? He jerks off. Shocking! Like 99% of the world. The 1% that “never does” is lying.


So why does he nudge her awake and if she moves he then stops. Seems like a game to me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

if you have had sex several times in one day and then want to masturbate, maybe do it in another room and stop waking the other person up deliberately and then denying you have done it. 
Sounds very immature.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

I can't think of any advice off hand.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think you should prove it by secretly filming him using a webcam. When he denies it then you should confront him with the evidence of his spanking. He’s asking you to prove it, so prove it. Then he’ll have to offer some kind of explanation.

I think it’s kind of weird to do it right next to your partner but plenty examples of it on TAM and elsewhere so it’s not that unusual. Will be interesting to hear what he says.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think you should prove it by secretly filming him using a webcam. When he denies it then you should confront him with the evidence of his spanking. He’s asking you to prove it, so prove it. Then he’ll have to offer some kind of explanation.
> 
> I think it’s kind of weird to do it right next to your partner but plenty examples of it on TAM and elsewhere so it’s not that unusual. Will be interesting to hear what he says.


He should go spank in the bathroom.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Have I got this right. He is masturbating and nudges you awake. But if you move at all he stops and denies it. Sounds like he is playing some sort of weird game.


I interpreted it as she was saying he would nudge her to see if she was awake. If she did not respond and appeared to be asleep, then he would spank. 

I took it as he was trying NOT to bother her or wake her up.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I interpreted it as she was saying he would nudge her to see if she was awake. If she did not respond and appeared to be asleep, then he would spank.
> 
> I took it as he was trying NOT to bother her or wake her up.


Oh ok. I read it differently.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think you should prove it by secretly filming him using a webcam. When he denies it then you should confront him with the evidence of his spanking. He’s asking you to prove it, so prove it. Then he’ll have to offer some kind of explanation.
> 
> I think it’s kind of weird to do it right next to your partner but plenty examples of it on TAM and elsewhere so it’s not that unusual. Will be interesting to hear what he says.


I think that is bad adv


ccpowerslave said:


> I think you should prove it by secretly filming him using a webcam. When he denies it then you should confront him with the evidence of his spanking. He’s asking you to prove it, so prove it. Then he’ll have to offer some kind of explanation.
> 
> I think it’s kind of weird to do it right next to your partner but plenty examples of it on TAM and elsewhere so it’s not that unusual. Will be interesting to hear what he says.


I think that is bad advice. Rubbing his noise in his lie, is not a way to build open and free conversations.

The best course of action is not to shame him about masturbating, but to discuss both your feelings. If the OP can learn to accept his masturbation, join in it with him, she will probably be able to talk more about their desired forms of sexuality with each other. This should not be a win/loose contest to see who was "right." It should be an opportunity to discuss their shared vision of sex and their relative need for sleep.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> I think that is bad adv
> 
> I think that is bad advice. Rubbing his noise in his lie, is not a way to build open and free conversations.
> 
> The best course of action is not to shame him about masturbating, but to discuss both your feelings. If the OP can learn to accept his masturbation, join in it with him, she will probably be able to talk more about their desired forms of sexuality with each other. This should not be a win/loose contest to see who was "right." It should be an opportunity to discuss their shared vision of sex and their relative need for sleep.


I recommend suggesting that he go to the washroom. If he prefers some solitary time, he can do it in the bathroom and aim for the bowl, so there is no mess to clean up.


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

re16 said:


> Reach over and help him out next time or jump on him.


OMG right?! If you're not in the mood, roll over and go back to sleep. Or, use it as an opportunity to have some fun. OP says they have sex "numerous" times a day, so make it one more!

I don't get this disconnect between sex and masturbation. I mean, this is in the middle of the night and maybe he doesn't want to wake her up. Not that he doesn't want to have sex with her. I know my wife likes to sleep and is grumpy as heck the next morning if she's woken up for any reason.

Besides that, if you ever catch your spouse masturbating JOIN THEM!!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> Rubbing his noise in his lie, is not a way to build open and free conversations.


Open and free conversation they have now:

OP: Are you spanking?
No.
OP: I think you are.
Prove it.


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Maybe he used to get in trouble for masturbating from his mother or something. I would just let him go at it and go back to sleep unless you want to participate.


Or maybe he knows he'll get in trouble from his partner...


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> If the OP can learn to accept his masturbation, join in it with him, she will probably be able to talk more about their desired forms of sexuality with each other. This should not be a win/loose contest to see who was "right." It should be an opportunity to discuss their shared vision of sex and their relative need for sleep.


This, 100%. I met my ex wife when we were still in our late teens. She really didn't masturbate much, or regularly, mostly experimentation, as she had a hyper sensitive clitoris that was painful to touch, so never orgasmed, ever. Shortly after we got married in our early/mid 20's, she decided she wanted to try a vibrator, so we both went to a sex store and she picked out about the most vanilla low-powered thing there.

It took about a year before she incorporated into our sex life. For whatever reason, she was too shy to use it around me, even though I was there when she bought it, and we had been together for 7 or 8 years at this time. I never, ever bugged her about it, not once. I was never jealous. I knew she used it fairly regularly, but our sex life never slowed down. The two things were different.

One was intimate and pleasurable (and she did have g-spot orgasms), the other was a means to orgasm via her clit, which was impossible from me, or from sex.

I still remember when she brought it into the bedroom with me for the first time, and this is about 20 years ago now. It took her over a year to do this. I never asked why, I never said "about time!", nothing. No shame, no jealousy, no fear I was being replaced. And from that point on, is was used during sex 99% of the time, and she always orgasmed.

Why people get so upset that their spouse masturbates is beyond my comprehension. It's part of a healthy sex life, imo, unless it takes over and becomes an obsession, of course.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

i’ll say here what I said in her other thread that was posted in The infidelity section. 

- if he isn’t seeking other chicks

- if he isn’t squandering family funds on porn, cam girls, Only Fans etc

- if he isn’t rejecting/denying her and is meeting her needs for love and affection in good faith

-and if he isn’t intentionally waking her up or bothering her in anyway - 

Then what a grownass man does with his Johnson is his own damn business. 

If she wakes up to his spanking, she can either offer him a hand, or roll over, mind her own business and go back to sleep.

Y’all are sounding like a bunch of Catholics lecturing their 12 year old he’ll go blind and burn in hell if he touches himself.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> So why does he nudge her awake and if she moves he then stops. Seems like a game to me.


I have no clue on that. Unless his exuberance results in his nudging her. She awakes, he stops to not be caught?


thedude3535 said:


> OMG right?! If you're not in the mood, roll over and go back to sleep. Or, use it as an opportunity to have some fun. OP says they have sex "numerous" times a day, so make it one more!
> 
> I don't get this disconnect between sex and masturbation. I mean, this is in the middle of the night and maybe he doesn't want to wake her up. Not that he doesn't want to have sex with her. I know my wife likes to sleep and is grumpy as heck the next morning if she's woken up for any reason.
> 
> Besides that, if you ever catch your spouse masturbating JOIN THEM!!


I'd love LOVE to be awakened by my wife pleasuring herself.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Confusedinlove87 said:


> *We have been having sex numerous times a day and experimenting with different positions and toys. *


Ugh. Who are you dating - a German Shepard in heat?

Either you're teenagers or this guy needs a dose of salt peter.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


ccpowerslave said:



I think it’s kind of weird to do it right next to your partner but plenty examples of it on TAM and elsewhere so it’s not that unusual. Will be interesting to hear what he says.

Click to expand...

*He's clearly oversexed. They do it "multiple" times a day and then the guy is jerking off in bed on TOP of that. There's something real wrong with someone who just continually needs to have THAT much stimulation. I don't know how the OP stands him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

thedude3535 said:


> Or maybe he knows he'll get in trouble from his partner...


Probably but I mean so why is it he's doing it right there beside her. He probably gets a secret thrill from it. He could just go to the restroom.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Probably but I mean so why is it he's doing it right there beside her. He probably gets a secret thrill from it. He could just go to the restroom.


He could, but as a married guy i find that so frustrating. Like I'm back in high school.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> He should go spank in the bathroom.


If it's his house too, why? Maybe a different bedroom if he doesn't want the W to join. 

I'm thinking he has a plan, and wants the W to know. Then wimps out when she asks about it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Open and free conversation they have now:
> 
> OP: Are you spanking?
> No.
> ...


She shouldn't ask, but just reach her hand over and know for sure.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> He could, but as a married guy i find that so frustrating. Like I'm back in high school.


I get it, but when you have someone you know is freaked out by it, you either work through it or accommodate it some way like separate bedrooms. I'm kind of wondering because she said he always kind of touches or shakes her to see if she's awake before he does it, if maybe he's actually doing that to wake her up so she'll have sex with him or something and not just to see if she's asleep. He should stop doing that I guess, especially if it's to see if she's asleep because it's just waking her up.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I get it, but when you have someone you know is freaked out by it, you either work through it or accommodate it some way like separate bedrooms. I'm kind of wondering because she said he always kind of touches or shakes her to see if she's awake before he does it, if maybe he's actually doing that to wake her up so she'll have sex with him or something and not just to see if she's asleep. He should stop doing that I guess, especially if it's to see if she's asleep because it's just waking her up.


a crazy idea, but she could ask him rather than ask us. I know, i know, it's out of the box thinking and all.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> a crazy idea, but she could ask him rather than ask us. I know, i know, it's out of the box thinking and all.


Her ego is in play here somehow. Taking it as an insult, like the only way he ought to be able to get hard is if she's involved, I guess. Ah, the illusions of love.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Have I got this right. He is masturbating and nudges you awake. But if you move at all he stops and denies it. Sounds like he is playing some sort of weird game.


Ever seen a nervous person sitting while shaking/tapping their leg/foot? Wouldn't it be fun for us to all assume that these shaky movements must be the result of some sort of masturbatory activity occurring?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

badsanta said:


> Ever seen a nervous person sitting while shaking/tapping their leg/foot? Wouldn't it be fun for us to all assume that these shaky movements must be the result of some sort of masturbatory activity occurring?


My foot is always going, and it's not because I'm nervous OR masturbating. Been like that since I was a kid. Got me labeled "hyper" in class even though I was always on the verge of falling asleep from boredom.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If it's his house too, why? Maybe a different bedroom if he doesn't want the W to join.
> 
> I'm thinking he has a plan, and wants the W to know. Then wimps out when she asks about it.


I'm only thinking if the mess he won't have to clean up, if it gets dumped in the toilet and consideration for his wife's sleep time.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I am curious why the bed is shaking. I mean, been there, done that, both ways, and no shaking bed. I wonder if he's intentionally making more of a commotion than necessary to wake her up either so she'll climb aboard or because he gets off on getting caught. Anyway, no need to nudge her at all, no need to shake the bed, really.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> I'm only thinking if the mess he won't have to clean up, if it gets dumped in the toilet and consideration for his wife's sleep time.


I see, and that makes sense unless that comes up against the concept of a grown man believing he should indeed go to the bathroom to mast like a teenager trying to skulk in his own house.

Unless OP wants his W to know what he's doing, yes he could be quiet, but not feel he has to be sneaky in his own house.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I see, and that makes sense unless that comes up against the concept of a grown man believing he should indeed go to the bathroom to mast like a teenager trying to skulk in his own house.
> 
> Unless OP wants his W to know what he's doing, yes he could be quiet, but not feel he has to be sneaky in his own house.


I'm not concerned about being sneaky. Just consideration and expediancy.


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

Just a thought, and although unlikely, it's possible I guess, but... what if he's actually not awake?

I'm not a sleepwalker, but I have woken up in the middle of the night whilst doing something. Peeing is a pretty common one. I'll literally wake up in the middle of using the toilet. Just on autopilot. I've also woken up with my hand on... myself, more than once, stop and just go back to bed. And as many of us do, I've had "conversations" with my wife while sleeping (and her me). Nothing that makes much sense and we quickly realize the other is not awake. Sometimes we remember it the next day, sometimes we don't.

But once, I was in the middle of having sex with my very-much-awake girlfriend (now wife)!!! We were on a cruise, I was exhausted and we were in one of those inside cabins with no windows. Quite literally woke up mid-thrust, 3am! We were both very very confused, but had a good laugh about it the next day (and it occasionally gets brought up, still!) And, I was not drunk!

The sleeping brain still functions, and occasionally, it seems, the body follows through even though we're not conscious or aware.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> My foot is always going, and it's not because I'm nervous OR masturbating.


Prove it!

I once saw a documentary about prisons and one person talking about "gun slinging" in prison. There was a term called "slinging you down" which involved an inmate staring someone down while self pleasuring by simply tapping his foot to completion. Of course this required some elaborate prison engineering in order to be successful. But all you needed was a the tube from a roll of toilet paper situated on your Johnson, a long piece of string tied to your toe, and a vivid imagination! 

Probably not helpful for the OP!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

badsanta said:


> Prove it!
> 
> I once saw a documentary about prisons and one person talking about "gun slinging" in prison. There was a term called "slinging you down" which involved an inmate staring someone down while self pleasuring by simply tapping his foot to completion. Of course this required some elaborate prison engineering in order to be successful. But all you needed was a the tube from a roll of toilet paper situated on your Johnson, a long piece of string tied to your toe, and a vivid imagination!
> 
> Probably not helpful for the OP!


They got WAY too much time on their hands. Yuck.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I see, and that makes sense unless that comes up against the concept of a grown man believing he should indeed go to the bathroom to mast like a teenager trying to skulk in his own house.
> 
> Unless OP wants his W to know what he's doing, yes he could be quiet, but not feel he has to be sneaky in his own house.


He could just not, as the OP said, "nudge" her first. I mean, really?

If I was her, I'd just tell him, Why are you waking me up before you do that?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

thedude3535 said:


> Just a thought, and although unlikely, it's possible I guess, but... what if he's actually not awake?
> 
> I'm not a sleepwalker, but I have woken up in the middle of the night whilst doing something. Peeing is a pretty common one. I'll literally wake up in the middle of using the toilet. Just on autopilot. I've also woken up with my hand on... myself, more than once, stop and just go back to bed. And as many of us do, I've had "conversations" with my wife while sleeping (and her me). Nothing that makes much sense and we quickly realize the other is not awake. Sometimes we remember it the next day, sometimes we don't.
> 
> ...


But he nudges her first allegedly, according to her, to see if she's sound asleep, but that wakes her up. If that's the routine, then it's not just accidental. But yeah, I presume a lot of guys probably do it in their sleep.


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> But he nudges her first allegedly, according to her, to see if she's sound asleep, but that wakes her up. If that's the routine, then it's not just accidental. But yeah, I presume a lot of guys probably do it in their sleep.


A lot of people do a lot of things in their sleep, not just men, and not just sexual.

I don't know, I'm not that jaded, I guess. It could absolutely be on purpose, for whatever strange reason, but there's not much logic to it, imo. If he's checking to see if she's awake so he can go about his business, it seems like kind of counter-intuitive way to do it, to me.

I don't know, it just seems like he's not quite conscious when this is happening.


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