# suicide only hope, I have no friends or anyone i can talk to



## needurhelp (Mar 30, 2014)

Been with my wife for 12 yrs. 2009 an illness had become more aggressive, i had already been taking painkillers (norco),steroids & anti-depressants since late 2007, I was at times verbally abusive, arguments became frequent. 2009 I was laid off, we lost house, had 2 give up my 5 animals. moved in with my parents, wife became pregnant then had miscarriage. we moved into a room with her co-worker. I was not able to work due 2 health issues, she worked, i drove & volunteered at my sons preschool. My illness caused near fainting & loss of breath i was limited to activities. Wife & her family upset because i was not providing, i understand, but i cld not wrk Wife & son moved 2 her dads, we were asked to leave room we were renting.The plan, I would stay with a relative 2 get better but Depression became worse since 2010 i had five surgery's 2 were open heart, Wife files for divorce we had been arguing and i said to do it, have been in denial of EVERYTHING pure isolation Days i still lay in bed no eating just staring at walls, admitted to hospital for dehydration. I have memory issues and cant recall what has happened. My son begun 2 mention a males name often, I asked my wife she said its her boyfriend, I was upset she did not talk to me as a parent about introducing my son to him. It hit me i cryed and was anger, how did i get here, its all a blur i feel my wife left when i needed her most, i was sick and still am, It feels like she just left days ago. I have spoken to my 6 year old son everyday since he left with his mom. I spoke with my son Friday morning but missed his call Saturday i called back left messages it is Sunday morning and no call back, i have called my wife three times and sent her four texts with no reply, this is a parent to parent matter, let me know he is ok. When i do speak to her i hope i do not learn she spent the weekend with her boyfriend and my son under the same roof, I feel like she is cheating on me, yes we have been apart two years now, but i am trying to piece together what has happened the last two years, and I cant, (No drugs) I just cant remember it almost seems like i woke up and she said she was leaving. we never sat to talk, or discuss our marriage and try to work matters out, she did not fight for us ,our family, I think i did not fight as well, but I know that was not me back then, I have lost my family and I don't know why, I am so close to just ending it all.........


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Report her to the police and tell them she and her boyfriend have kidnapped your son and won't permit you access to him. If the rolls were reversed,THIS is what she would do.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

She's gone. Work on yourself by seeking counseling then file for divorce. Request join custody. But don't kill yourself for a woman and leave your son without a dad


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

"You need to be conscious in order to experience the feeling of relief."

Don't know where I heard it, but it blew my mind when I did.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Get yourself into some individual counseling pronto. Get a court order if you have to in order to see your son.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

needurhelp said:


> I just cant remember it almost seems like i woke up and she said she was leaving. we never sat to talk, or discuss our marriage and try to work matters out, she did not fight for us ,our family, I think i did not fight as well, but I know that was not me back then, I have lost my family and I don't know why, I am so close to just ending it all.........


Don't.

Here is a quote by author C.S. Lewis:
“_Do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may yet have good fortune, but all the dead are dead alike_.” 
(from the book "The Horse and His Boy"). 


Look, you told your wife to go ahead and get the divorce. And you've been apart now for two years? Did you really expect her to be celibate this whole time? Your illness was not your fault, but you did let her go. I know that doesn't help you much right now, since the heart doesn't care about logic or reason, it wants what it wants. But it sounds like you are not in a good place and ready to start up with her, even if your wife returned to you today. 

*STOP GIVING UP*. It sounds like that's your normal pattern. You gave up eating/drinking when you were sick, you gave up on your marriage, and now you want to give up on your life. Have you had success with that strategy so far? Doesn't sound like it. So how about trying a different strategy instead?

You need to work on yourself and get your career going and your health back. Things will probably get better. Think of it this way: how could they not get better? They certainly couldn't get much worse! 

You need to push through this so that someday your ex-wife will see you pull up the driveway to pick up your son on your Harley Davidson motorcycle with your 20 year old girlfriend's arms wrapped around your waist. Meanwhile, she's busy washing this other guy's socks and cleaning the cat litter boxes...


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

hookares said:


> Report her to the police and tell them she and her boyfriend have kidnapped your son and won't permit you access to him. If the rolls were reversed,THIS is what she would do.


WHOA!!! Slow down there, cowboy. He talked to his son on Friday, just no answer on Sat and Sun. Two days, that's all. Hardly a police matter at this point. 

Yes, it's what a lot of wives would do, but if the situation was reversed, I would tell her to slow down too, and not waste the police department's time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Don't.
> 
> Here is a quote by author C.S. Lewis:
> “_Do not by any means destroy yourself, for if you live you may yet have good fortune, but all the dead are dead alike_.”
> ...


Well said.:iagree::iagree:


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

1-800-273-8255

1-800-273-TALK

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - With Help Comes Hope

Phones are answered 24/7

If you can't reach out to someone locally go online or call this number immediately


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Do you believe she is the only woman on the planet? I don't think so. Do you have court ordered access to your son? If not do you have legal aid in your part of the world to put in a court application? Why are you not seeing your son in person, even if it's taking him to a park, or McDonalds or somewhere? 
Someone told me once, the antidote to burn out is intense physical exercise, can you get a membership to a gym? Even the most disabled can use a pool. 
You have to work on yourself for the sake of your son!!!


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

If You are Not in the United States

Need to talk? | Befrienders

International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) - Resources: Crisis Centers



I have known several adults whose parents have committed suicide and it is the most destructive thing you can do to your son and his future. 
Don't Do it!
Seek help. 
This too shall pass.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

indiecat said:


> Do you believe she is the only woman on the planet? I don't think so. Do you have court ordered access to your son? If not do you have legal aid in your part of the world to put in a court application? Why are you not seeing your son in person, even if it's taking him to a park, or McDonalds or somewhere?
> Someone told me once, the antidote to burn out is intense physical exercise, can you get a membership to a gym? Even the most disabled can use a pool.
> You have to work on yourself for the sake of your son!!!


True, it is so WEAK to allow someone who doesn't even care about you anymore to drive you to this point. What about your kids? You have plenty to live for and will be happy you chose to live.

My question about your heart attacks is did you have them as a result of heightened tension and friction with the wife?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Theseus said:


> WHOA!!! Slow down there, cowboy. He talked to his son on Friday, just no answer on Sat and Sun. Two days, that's all. Hardly a police matter at this point.
> 
> Yes, it's what a lot of wives would do, but if the situation was reversed, I would tell her to slow down too, and not waste the police department's time.


I'll take a guess here and guess you are on some force.
I'll take another guess here and suggest that he's been either the only source of income for the family or at least the major contributor. So he should just overlook that she hasn't let him talk to his son for two days?
Just wondering what major transgression he has committed that his wishes come in third place behind his trollop wife and her stud?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Please call the hotline! Yes, you might be at rock bottom now, but things can and will get better. Your son needs his dad. Call the hotline, then start counseling. You CAN do it!!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

hookares said:


> Report her to the police and tell them she and her boyfriend have kidnapped your son and won't permit you access to him. If the rolls were reversed,THIS is what she would do.


NO NO NO!!! Do NOT do this. 2 days without an answered phone call does not a kidnapping make. If you had an organised custody visit that would be different...but you still can't call it kidnapping.

It's not your business if she has a boyfriend, and you can't control that so you just have to accept it.

It sounds to me like you need to check yourself into hospital.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

hookares said:


> I'll take a guess here and guess you are on some force.
> I'll take another guess here and suggest that he's been either the only source of income for the family or at least the major contributor. So he should just overlook that she hasn't let him talk to his son for two days?
> Just wondering what major transgression he has committed that his wishes come in third place behind his trollop wife and her stud?


No he wasn't working, due to health issues. His wife supported the family by the sounds of it.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Hey bud...

Don't do it. Death is permanent.

How's that karma bus going to pick you up and drive you to a happy place when your not waiting at the bus stop?


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## not recognizable (Mar 19, 2011)

Where arrrrrrrrrrrre you?
Call the suicide prevention numbers.
Did you say you are not taking narcotics anymore for pain?
They can cause TEMPORARY memory loss, confusion, disorientation, and major depression, feelings of hopelessness, and cause more sensations of pain. Those things are reversible.
You reached out here, keep reaching.


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## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

there was a movie with a an excellent quote:

"depression is a disability to see the future"


My humble advice is : stop focusing on your loss,

start hoping for the future,

and focus on your good fortunes.


example:- " thank God i have a roof above my head"

"these people who takes care of me, even though they do it out of duty, they are here for me."

"this bed is at least useable"



----
happiness is a decision, it is therefore also a work. it is, fortunely, a habit, start small.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

Needurhelp,

I am really sorry you are in such a dark place at the moment.
Having to go through ill health and loose your marriage have caused you a deep depression and you do not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know you still love your wife, but you have to admit to yourself that she is gone. She has a boyfriend, so what? It has been 2 years and do not blame her for moving on.

Your priorities now are:

-get to a doctor or book yourself in a hospital as you need your depression addressed ASAP.

-get better physically so that your son can have his dad.

-suicide will not make things any easier, you will give away a chance to see your son grow up and by ending it all you will mess up his future and his mental wellbeing.

Children suffer the trauma of loosing a parent, especially losing a parent who consciously decided not to be there for them.

Your son will feel betrayed and unloved if you are to end it all-do you want your son's mental state destroyed for ever?
Noone can replace you as a dad.

Get help now-professional help and take it one step at a time.

Once you get better and you have a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, things will fall into place-you will have a great relationship with your son and a relationship with someone who will love you.

I recently witnessed someone with depression and it is truly an awful situation when you try to keep them from not harming themselves. Thank God my friend accepted that she needed professional help and she is doing so much better now.

NEVER GIVE UP

Just a note to the poster above-I realized that depression is not only a disability to see the future, but also a condition whereby you do not appreciate what you have, ie, the glass is always half-empty rather than half-full.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

You did not reply. You cannot suicide, you have a responsibility, that's your son. You can't be weak you must be strong. You can't phone your son. Go over, meet him do something with him, take care of him. Phoning is not what a parent is supposed to do!
Get on with your life, there are other women out there, certainly better ones, but you will only meet them if you go out.
Do mindfulness meditation.


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