# Or lack of it



## Typica!guy (Mar 31, 2020)

Been thinking of finding a site/forum to reach out to for a while, so here it goes. I'm 25 this year my wife a year older, we have been together for almost 6 years married a little more than half the time. Regular stuff aside I get on her nerves she annoys me, but I do love her and for more than the most part we enjoy each other's company and can still really hit it off from time to time. Unfortunately we haven't ever had vaginal intercourse, sounds crazy (at least to me) but it's true, when we first got together everything seemed fine she strayed from sex but that wasn't a deal breaker for me since we had just started dating, I was in a weird place at the time mentally and asked her to move into my parents with me. She agreed and we were together for some time before I started to yern for more than just a hj or bj. But for some reason no matter how many times we "tried" nothing ever happened. There seems to be something stopping her from letting me inside, I'm certainly not the jolly Green giant and Everytime we have tried it's been on her terms slow and steady, but I can't even go down on her in a somewhat quick fashion because she jolts and covers herself, she says it hurts her for me to even be near her opening, So after awhile I started to try easing my sexual tension with porn but she isn't a fan, she feels seeing another woman naked like that is cheating and she finds porn and even nude scenes in movies disgusting. After more time passed I ended up trying to have sex with a girl I went to hs with but all that ended up happening was me not being able to stay hard. I still regret what I've done. Since then we had both done stupid things to one another but for the most part as of today I'd say it's in the past for me at least. After much convincing she agrees to try anal which is amazing some of the best sex ive ever had she can be a real firecracker when she wants to but there have been a good handful of problems from it as well, we always fight about getting off she gets upset because there isn't as much pleasure for her during anal I try stimulating her during but she is always upfront about how she wishes it was about her more and see isn't getting as much from it, but when I go down on her she stops me after only a few mins when I want to and have been down there for much longer. Unfortunately my wife suffers from mental depression and anxiety and the works so this has put holes in our marriage thanks to my inability to "keep it in my pants" also for the past year almost my wifes health has been teetering she is type 1 thankfully she is in great control of her diabetes but has been having issues regarding eating,keeping food down and non stop episode of vomiting. Most of the time if she isn't feeling well I do what I can to try and make her feel better I have come a long way from how I used to be, I can still let my thoughts get the best of me and I'll annoy her with advancements from time to time I guess it is also worth mentioning I find my wife very sexually attractive. So it can be hard for me to not wanna squeeze her butt or kiss her neck but obviously she isn't in the mood after throwing up all morning and I respect that, but now I'm here we do anal now and then I'd say about once every month or so but I've been really craving vaginal intercourse or any sex in general I love my wife and I've been faithful the entirety of our marriage but it seems so unfair I can't have her the way I want and she won't budge on other options like sex dolls or porn. I deffinately don't make it easy on her at times but I try my best. Im almost at a loss for what to do I don't want to pressure my wife to try to get her vagina situation sorted especially with all that's happening although we have talked about it, she is nervous from a bad experience at the gyno when she was younger. But I also wouldn't mind having sex just a little bit even if I don't get any helpful advice and I go the rest of my marriage/life "sexless" it will be nice knowing I got some of this off my chest. Also sorry for how long and terribly punctuated this was. It's 3am and sleep hates me


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah, PLEASE try to do paragraphs. It's REALLY hard to read a wall of text. I'll break it up a bit.

The short answer is talk to a fully qualified sex therapist. 



Typica!guy said:


> There seems to be something stopping her from letting me inside, I'm certainly not the jolly Green giant and Everytime we have tried it's been on her terms slow and steady, but I can't even go down on her in a somewhat quick fashion because she jolts and covers herself, she says it hurts her for me to even be near her opening,


OK, so she says it's pain? There could be a number of reasons for this, that need to be checked out.
It's important not to persist in doing anything that causes either of you physical pain, because that makes things worse. (Okay, I'm not talking about consensual S+M type pain here, you know what I mean, organic pain). 



> After more time passed I ended up trying to have sex with a girl I went to hs with but all that ended up happening was me not being able to stay hard. I still regret what I've done.


Okay, that's issue 2, and what happened there may still have to be processed. It may not be entirely forgiven and forgotten for her. 



> After much convincing she agrees to try anal which is amazing some of the best sex ive ever had she can be a real firecracker when she wants to


So she is not against intimate acts generally, which is good news, she is not rejecting you. That tends to make me think it might be a mechanical problem with vaginal penetration. 

Erm, do you know whether she has ever successfully had sex with anyone else?



> Unfortunately my wife suffers from mental depression and anxiety and the works so this has put holes in our marriage thanks to my inability to "keep it in my pants"


Okay, _please _do not connect those two things together. You are under a binding agreement to keep it in your pants regardless of whether she is depressed. 



> also for the past year almost my wifes health has been teetering she is type 1 thankfully she is in great control of her diabetes but has been having issues regarding eating,keeping food down and non stop episode of vomiting.


Obviously, this could be connected, and needs medical attention. 

To a therapist, there could be a connection between not wanting food inside her, and not wanting you inside her. Or, they could both be separate medical issues. 



> although we have talked about it, she is nervous from a bad experience at the gyno when she was younger.


 I get it, but this needs to be sorted out. She needs to see someone, and can start by explaining to them about her nervousness and previous bad experience.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She would probably be more comfortable with a female gynecologist. She can get checked out and ask questions with less embarrassment.


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## Stephanierenee (Mar 9, 2021)

Was there sexually trauma in her past?
I'm not quite sure other than that. She has to understand sex is very important in a marriage. I went into my marriage promising myself I'd NEVER tell my hubby no because i knew that would leave an opening for unfaithfulness. Sorry for my punctuality & wall of text also - taking a forum and essay are two different things (commenting about Dr. English up there). 
What about children? 
Unless she has endometriosis (which a dr would have to diagnose) then the pain is confusing to me. Our opening is like a rubber band. It stretches to allow penetration or child birth, and you said you weren't HUGE so, I am interested in knowing what exactly it is.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Do you want children? Because I don't really see how you can have any without penetration. Sexual issues, depression, diabetes and you are only young... doesn't bode very well for the future. Sorry to be harsh. At 25, it seems mad to me to be in this situation.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Drive-by poster.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Drive-by poster.


Sorry, didn't notice...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cat has determined that this thread must be closed down.


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