# I don't know if my husband is addicted to porn.



## Lookingforblueskies

He was a virgin when we met, and before we started dating he would watch porn regularly, several times a week, to meet his sexual needs. 

While we were dating, I told him that I didn't really approve of porn and it made me uncomfortable. He told me he was going to stop, just like that, as if it meant nothing to him anyway. I know he's watched porn a couple of times since then, but he made it seem like it was once in a blue moon, like maybe once every 6 months or so.

But he didn't really stop. We are married now and have been together for two years total. I was sick a few days ago and went to bed early. I got up to get a glass of water and I walked out of our bedroom and glanced into our computer room where he was, I saw a naked girl on the screen before he abruptly closed the window. I asked him "what was that?" and he was like " what was what?" hoping that I hadn't seen it. But I told him that I did just see him watching porn. 

After awhile he apologized and I told him that I didn't really believe that he had quit at all. He then confessed that he had tried to quit a few times, but he always found himself going back to it. The longest he was ever able to stay away was a couple of months, and he watches it a couple of times a week.

I don't really know what to think. Some people say it's normal for guys to watch porn. And I am almost to the point where I'm just thinking I have to accept it. 

Does his behavior really sound like an addiction? Or is it normal?


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## chuckles

He's addicted and you don't have to put up with it! Give him the threat. Let him know it's you or porn. One is gone! Don't let him run you down like that - you deserve better.


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## Crypsys

Lookingforblueskies said:


> Does his behavior really sound like an addiction? Or is it normal?


It's impossible to say without additional information. Does he still want and have sex with you? Has your sex life been diminishing where he says he's tired, doesn't want it, etc? 

I don't know how often yall have sex, but if it's very infrequent (less than 1X per week), I would totally understand if he turned to porn to satisfy himself. 

For my own opinion I would say as long as he isn't ignoring you and wouldn't rather watch porn then have sex I'd say he wasn't addicted.

That being said, for him if you have told him you have a problem with porn then he should respect your wishes. But for you, if he is not getting enough "attention" in the bedroom it will be hard if not impossible for him to not watch it.


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## Blanca

He may have a problem but the issue is that you told him before hand that you didnt like it and he said he would stop. so you were married on false pretenses. that's the problem. it may be normal behavior for men, but the issue is that you are not ok with it. whether its normal or not is not really the issue. Believe it or not some guys do not look at porn. You'll have to decide if you can really be ok with him watching porn or if he needs to stop. 

My H was addicted to porn. I told him he'd have to stop, not because i have anything against men watching porn, but because it was destroying our relationship. my H hasnt watched it in a couple years. it took him awhile to quit, though. i would find it on the computer every so often. but he put a free site blocker (K9 web protection) on his computer and ipod so he cant access it, and so unwanted images are blocked from flashing up at him. you'd be amazed how many half naked women are prostrated freely on random pages. that can be really difficult for someone trying to quit.


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## Lookingforblueskies

We usually have sex once, sometimes twice per week. But recently I have noticed that he does not initiate sex with me, and I have been very stressed out lately with other things going on in life, that I didn't really mind it. I'm exhausted by the time I get home from work anyway.

But I have wondered if his recent withdrawal, I guess you could call it, from making advances on me could be related to the fact that he is finding satisfaction elsewhere. 

If one of us initiates sex, it is usually me. And sometimes he is up for it, sometimes he's not. I wouldn't know how to relate that to when he has/hasn't been watching porn, because I don't know when he does it.


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## Crypsys

Lookingforblueskies said:


> If one of us initiates sex, it is usually me. And sometimes he is up for it, sometimes he's not. I wouldn't know how to relate that to when he has/hasn't been watching porn, because I don't know when he does it.


Well him not initiating could be a few things but 2 come to mind first: low testosterone or possible porn addiction. If he is watching porn regularly I'd doubt porn addiction because he still is looking for that release.

What I recommend is to sit down together and talk about it when your not in bed together. For him, it's probably going to be a very embarrassing conversation so expect him to be defensive. I would not go to this in any kind of accusatory tone, but in a understanding and supportive tone. Open it up in a way that you aren't saying he's bad/evil/wrong but in a way trying to find out what he feels is missing in your sex life that he'd rather turn to porn. 

Maybe he has some kind of fetish he hasn't told you about, maybe he wants more positions, try different things, etc. 

The worst thing you could do IMO is to start it out saying "You watching porn is hurting my feelings and you need to stop immediately". All that will do is make him go deeper underground with it.

Try and find out what porn is giving him that he feels he's not getting from you. If what he says is something you are willing to do with/for him then you start working on the compromise. If you do that with/for him he will stop watching porn, etc. 

This would also be a good time for YOU to bring up things you may have lacking in a loving way. Maybe he doesn't touch you enough non-sexually, maybe he doesn't give you foreplay, etc.



Blanca said:


> it may be normal behavior for men, but the issue is that you are not ok with it. whether its normal or not is not really the issue. Believe it or not some guys do not look at porn.


With a non-addicted male who is satisfied with his sex life, I agree we won't usually find a need for porn. Many guys who still look at porn (who aren't addicted) are missing something in their sex life that porn is giving them.


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## Amplexor

OK, I'll dust of an old rant here.

I will get up on my soap box again and point out that we have seen many come here hurt because of a spouse’s use of porn. I used porn briefly as a “release” a number of years ago and it definitely hurt my marriage. There where other issues also but the porn had an impact. For those of you out there who are engaged in using pornography, think about the impact it could have on your spouse’s feelings. If they have self confidence issues about their looks, weight or sexual abilities, finding out will exacerbate them. It could leave them feeling unloved and undesired. Especially if the porn has replaced much of the couples’ sexual intimacy. Your spouse may also wonder what you are bringing to the bed with you when you are making love. Who or what you may have seen on line that you are thinking about when you make love to them. Put yourself in their place and how you’d feel if they did the same to you. I don’t know if I can classify the use of porn as “cheating” but it can definitely hurt your spouse and that is wrong in any form. If both spouses are OK with it or share it together, that’s fine. Consenting adults and all and I have no problem with that from a marriage standpoint. But I do have a problem with it from a moral and social standpoint. I am not a prude or holy-roller by any stretch but I do believe that making love is supposed to be between two loving people in a committed relationship. Not something to be filmed for the almighty dollar and the entertainment of others. Porn hurts lots of people. The young man or woman at a college party that gets drunk and does something stupid while some perv videos it and sells it on-line for a hundred bucks. It will no doubt be an act they will regret for the rest of their lives. The porn industry uses people then tosses them aside like a used condom when they have served their purposes. There are very few Jenna Jamison stories of wealth and celebrity status. Not to mention the many who leave the “business” diseased, addicted and broken. It pollutes the minds of our young people and desensitizes them to what making love is all about. It sets unobtainable expectations for them in choosing a mate and partner. It exposes them to acts of violence, incest and rape and presents it as “normal” with selections like menu items at a diner. Point and click for your selected debauchery. It is a pollutant in our moral fiber and it is available 24X7 on virtually every device connected to the Internet. Some on this forum disagree with me that it isn’t just a trivial “release” for someone to engage in. That’s fine, we are all entitled to our opinions, but we have seen many on this forum who have suffered from it. Lost their marriage, their love, their money, their trust, their self esteem, their job… OK, I’m done.


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## cherrypie18

Crypsys said:


> With a non-addicted male who is satisfied with his sex life, I agree we won't usually find a need for porn. Many guys who still look at porn (who aren't addicted) are missing something in their sex life that porn is giving them.


Is this really true? I asked my h many times why he turns me down all he did was get mad at me saying I'm addicted to sex (you'd be "addicted" to sex too if you weren't getting any!) and that it's not the most important thing in a marriage (this while he looked at porn secretly and denied having done so even though it was in the history).
I asked if there's anything new he'd like to try he said no. I asked him to tell me if I'm not doing something his way and I would improve, he said there's nothing. He just couldn't bother and would rather wank off to porn and deny it. The only time he'd have sex with me was to conceive. :scratchhead:

So could he secretly be addicted to porn?


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## Crypsys

cherrypie18 said:


> Is this really true? I asked my h many times why he turns me down all he did was get mad at me saying I'm addicted to sex (you'd be "addicted" to sex too if you weren't getting any!) and that it's not the most important thing in a marriage (this while he looked at porn secretly and denied having done so even though it was in the history).
> I asked if there's anything new he'd like to try he said no. I asked him to tell me if I'm not doing something his way and I would improve, he said there's nothing. He just couldn't bother and would rather wank off to porn and deny it. The only time he'd have sex with me was to conceive. :scratchhead:
> 
> So could he secretly be addicted to porn?


I can only speak for myself cherrypie. But I would say I am fairly satisfied sexually in my marriage. There were times we went a bit too long, for various reasons. But we have always worked it out and got over the humps. If I had my way, I think probably daily would be great, but as it stands now we go about every 2-3 days. 

With that I am sated and I have no real drive to watch porn at all. I can honestly say in the past 5 years I've probably only seen it less then I can count on one hand. I know I have a beautiful and willing wife at home, so why would porn do anything for me when I can have the real thing? My wife and I continuously try different things so sex is never boring. Sure i'd like her to initiate more, but no one and nothing is perfect. I do know though that unless she's hurting she never really turns me down. We are that way though because we work to make sure each of us is satisfied in the ways they need to be. For her it's me giving her a lot of physical touch (non-sexual) and giving her a lot of foreplay. I make sure she is satisfied every time we do have sex by whatever means I have to go to provide her that satisfaction. The biggest thing is neither of us is shy about letting the other know what we are wanting (sexually and not).

In my opinion people generally watch porn because they are missing some aspect of sex that they want and they are using porn to fill that gap.


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## Amplexor

Crypsys said:


> In my opinion people generally watch porn because they are missing some aspect of sex that they want and they are using porn to fill that gap.


I would agree that it is used sometimes to fill needs they feel are not being met. However it can be double edged sword if its use hurts the partner and exacerbates the problem. i.e. Lack of desire in bed. Catch 22


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## Crypsys

Amplexor said:


> I would agree that it is used sometimes to fill needs they feel are not being met. However it can be double edged sword if its use hurts the partner and exacerbates the problem. i.e. Lack of desire in bed. Catch 22


Most things can be that way. I enjoy a cold beer now and then, but the last time I actually drank enough to get drunk is well over 10 years ago. Some people though just can't have one, they don't know when to stop. 

Porn isn't the cause/problem, it's just a vector if that makes sense?


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## Amplexor

Crypsys said:


> Most things can be that way. I enjoy a cold beer now and then, but the last time I actually drank enough to get drunk is well over 10 years ago. Some people though just can't have one, they don't know when to stop.


No this particular analogy doesn't apply to what I'm trying to say. If party A is put off by the use of porn they may withhold sexually. Party B may use porn as a substitute becuase they aren't getting enough sex. The cycle continues as they are mutually contributing to the problem. I don't know if this senario fits this couple based on the post.

Getting to the OP's original query she is asking the question does she just "have to accept it". No she doesn't, she has a right to set her boundaries as does he.


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## Crypsys

Amplexor said:


> No this particular analogy doesn't apply to what I'm trying to say. If party A is put off by the use of porn they may withhold sexually. Party B may use porn as a substitute becuase they aren't getting enough sex. The cycle continues as they are mutually contributing to the problem. I don't know if this senario fits this couple based on the post.
> 
> Getting to the OP's original query she is asking the question does she just "have to accept it". No she doesn't, she has a right to set her boundaries as does he.


If that's the case then I am in 100% agreement. She shouldn't have to accept porn.


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## cherrypie18

Don't mean to make this thread about me but since you guys are on the topic I'd like to take advantage  

Well in my case everything was awesome (at least for me) till I caught him watching porn and after that things started to go downhill. From the beginning of our marriage I was the one to initiate most of the time, buying new lingerie, reading this and that, trying to bring new and more fun into our sex lives and he just went along with it. He didn't work on getting better himself (there's always room for improvement even for the best) but I showed him articles and pictures and interesting stuff that we could try, he would pick up less than 10% of what I suggested and would keep it up once or max twice, then would go back to his same old same old... I guess he got really bored with me and my body. 
If there's something really missing then why would he claim he was satisfied with everything even after I ask him to tell me what he wants, he'd answer "you're doing everything right" so what's the problem then?? Why lie?

and for the record even after catching the porn I did not withhold sexually, even after being turned down for months I still initiated it every once in a while in case he was ever up for it. He even turned down gettin oral lol what kind of man does that! First he stopped pleasing me or caring if he did or not, and then he wouldn't let me do it to him... it's a little confusing to me.


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## Crypsys

cherrypie18 said:


> and for the record even after catching the porn I did not withhold sexually, even after being turned down for months I still initiated it every once in a while in case he was ever up for it. He even turned down gettin oral lol what kind of man does that! First he stopped pleasing me or caring if he did or not, and then he wouldn't let me do it to him... it's a little confusing to me.


A few things come to mind. Have you had him tested for low testosterone? Also, not to sound like a butthead, but have you changed a lot physically? Gained a lot of weight, lost a lot of weight, etc? Some men find a specific type of body type really sexy and others not so much.

Also, I would suggest installing a keylogger. Not to see IF he sees porn, but to see what KIND of porn he's looking at. Is he looking at a specific type of fetish porn (or certain types of ladies)? Maybe that might give you some insight as to what he's looking for.

Cherry, just one thing to keep in mind, if it's not a testosterone problem your husband is totally in the wrong here. If he has no physical reason to not want sex then that means he's not telling you something. If he's not willing to tell it's up to you to dig it out.


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## cherrypie18

Crypsys said:


> A few things come to mind. Have you had him tested for low testosterone? Also, not to sound like a butthead, but have you changed a lot physically? Gained a lot of weight, lost a lot of weight, etc? Some men find a specific type of body type really sexy and others not so much.
> 
> Also, I would suggest installing a keylogger. Not to see IF he sees porn, but to see what KIND of porn he's looking at. Is he looking at a specific type of fetish porn (or certain types of ladies)? Maybe that might give you some insight as to what he's looking for.
> 
> Cherry, just one thing to keep in mind, if it's not a testosterone problem your husband is totally in the wrong here. If he has no physical reason to not want sex then that means he's not telling you something. If he's not willing to tell it's up to you to dig it out.


Physically I didn't change at all, and this started about a year prior to my pregnancy (and I'm almost back to my old body now). Testosterone level was good and the only porn I've seen was regular hot women... I guess there might be something he might have been hiding it will only be clearer after he gets the divorce papers which is taking a bit long ugh

It's pathetic I know but I've cried myself to sleep because of this because it made me feel ugly and unwanted for a period of time but I'm over feeling that way now, although I still can't stop wondering why someone would do that...


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## Lookingforblueskies

Wow, I know we've wandered away from my original post...

but here's an update

(btw, I appreciate everyone's comments/sympathy here, because I'm too ashamed to talk to friends/family about it... at least I have other people to communicate with here)

Last night I talked to him about it. He's pretty much been watching it 1,2, or 3 times a week (average twice a week) for the past 1 1/2 years. The two months he was able to stop was right after we started dating.

He does this while I'm home and while I'm out. I feel so stupid that I was in the same house with him for a year and I never knew he was in the next room doing this.

It kind of hurts that he didn't just come find me, instead he's masturbating just a few hundred steps away from me to the sight of something else. 

He says he never preferred it to me and he never got up and left something we were doing together to go watch it. I'm not the type of person who thinks we have to do everything together, but I kind of think if he was just gonna go jack off in the computer room, that he could have instead spent some quality time with me. 

Then he says he also does it while I'm at work or out with friends.

He doesn't think it affects our sex life at all. He says there's nothing that he'd change about us. 

He also said he's always been ashamed of it, even before we met each other, he tried to quit but always went back. And he never wanted anyone to find out.

He said it's a relief to him that I caught him because he doesn't have to hide it, or lie to me anymore. But that he didn't just tell me because he didn't want to lose me, and he didn't know how I'd react.

The truth is, I don't know how to react. Because I don't know if he's just telling me what he thinks I should hear. I don't know if tonight while I'm out shopping for baby-stuff with my pregnant best friend if he's going to be sitting right where I am right now looking at other people having sex. And I don't know if he'd tell me that he did it when I got home.

I know people have put keyloggers or monitoring software on their computers... should I do something like that? I'm not really sure what I'd do or how I'd feel if I found out that he just went back and continued doing it and lying to me about it.


Sorry this got so long, like I said, I have no one else to talk to...


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## Blanca

Lookingforblueskies said:


> I know people have put keyloggers or monitoring software on their computers... should I do something like that? I'm not really sure what I'd do or how I'd feel if I found out that he just went back and continued doing it and lying to me about it.


I put spyware on there but im not sure it was the best thing. my H knew it was on there. but even if you put it on there, there are always other ways for them to get porn. my H told me years after he has stopped that he used to put magazines in his car. so either way there's no way to absolutely know they are stopping. 

the best thing for me was to back off and stop trying to know. If you are happy with the relationship then what difference does it make what he's doing behind closed doors? if you arent happy with the relationship then you have to think of how you can work together to overcome the hurdle instead of feeling the need to check up on them like a child.

My H offered to put a system on the computer that blocks porn. I dont monitor it anymore. i used to. but that doesnt help me in the long run. Focusing on whether or not im enjoying our sex life and what i can do about that is what has helped me. I think the software helps him, though. my H was embarrassed by his porn use also. He also goes to counseling. I think what helps in the long run is not what you do to monitor him, but what he does to show you he's really trying to stop.


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## lovelieswithin

I have a question... what's the REAL reason that you don't like pornograpy? Id be thrilled if my husband watched it! LOL I am a sex starved young wife on the opposite end of your ladies' spectrum. I enjoy porn and have a rental account... always have, single or not! I am a "good person" kind to people, college grad and a bus. professional. If you met me you probably wouldnt guess I watch porn. =D I used to despise porn but I did some soul searching and realized I didnt like it because I was insecure with myself and my abilities. I took a human sexuality class in College and at that time opened up my mind about sex, porn and masturbation. Honestly... I started learning from porn! rather than being a ***** out there banging every guy available to gain experience I simply watched tons of porn and gathered from it to be inspired and create my sexual identity/character in bed. Afterall... sex really holds a fun, theatrical element if you think about it... its a performance at its most basic level and a stress reliever! then beyond that it morphs and mingles with love & passion or marriage intimacy which is all wonderful and special. But, theres those moments when you think not to impose your craving upon your tired or stressed out partner... sometimes its just easier to take care of yourself with a little porn and biscuit buttering  lol! Life is so crazy and stressful and masturbation is such a wonderful way to unwind, relax or have a private moment alone. With that, i agree a man shouldnt choose porn over his wife but do you really want to submit EVERY time he is frisky? maybe he doesnt wanna do that to you! and if e masturbates then maybe it will help his overall wellbeing because it helps stress. 
porn really can be viewed in sooo many ways! some of it is tacky or trashy but everyone as different tastes. Some porn is super hot to watch and can be such a fabulous arousal tool for either self pleasure or for an overworked couple. Games can be played like reenacting scenes together or joking about how cheap and lame the camera shots were. I think if women lightened up about porn they might just discover that its not that big of a deal... theyre paid actors and the human body is so beautiful! the more u tell him to stop the more he will want to watch and I would bet a wad of cash that your husband would be beyond turned on to catch you watching it and ready for him  if women think they cant be turned on by porn then they havent found the right kind to suit their personality. 
In short... I hope I at least partially inspired you to think differently and be open to other possibilities beyond the comfort box. 
Be so happy your husband wants you a lot! mine suffers from sexual anxiety and is a double edged sword because he is so handsome! =(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherrypie18

lovelieswithin said:


> I have a question... what's the REAL reason that you don't like pornograpy? Id be thrilled if my husband watched it! LOL I am a sex starved young wife on the opposite end of your ladies' spectrum. I enjoy porn and have a rental account... always have, single or not! I am a "good person" kind to people, college grad and a bus. professional. If you met me you probably wouldnt guess I watch porn. =D I used to despise porn but I did some soul searching and realized I didnt like it because I was insecure with myself and my abilities. I took a human sexuality class in College and at that time opened up my mind about sex, porn and masturbation. Honestly... I started learning from porn! rather than being a ***** out there banging every guy available to gain experience I simply watched tons of porn and gathered from it to be inspired and create my sexual identity/character in bed. Afterall... sex really holds a fun, theatrical element if you think about it... its a performance at its most basic level and a stress reliever! then beyond that it morphs and mingles with love & passion or marriage intimacy which is all wonderful and special. But, theres those moments when you think not to impose your craving upon your tired or stressed out partner... sometimes its just easier to take care of yourself with a little porn and biscuit buttering  lol! Life is so crazy and stressful and masturbation is such a wonderful way to unwind, relax or have a private moment alone. With that, i agree a man shouldnt choose porn over his wife but do you really want to submit EVERY time he is frisky? maybe he doesnt wanna do that to you! and if e masturbates then maybe it will help his overall wellbeing because it helps stress.
> porn really can be viewed in sooo many ways! some of it is tacky or trashy but everyone as different tastes. Some porn is super hot to watch and can be such a fabulous arousal tool for either self pleasure or for an overworked couple. Games can be played like reenacting scenes together or joking about how cheap and lame the camera shots were. I think if women lightened up about porn they might just discover that its not that big of a deal... theyre paid actors and the human body is so beautiful! the more u tell him to stop the more he will want to watch and I would bet a wad of cash that your husband would be beyond turned on to catch you watching it and ready for him  if women think they cant be turned on by porn then they havent found the right kind to suit their personality.
> In short... I hope I at least partially inspired you to think differently and be open to other possibilities beyond the comfort box.
> Be so happy your husband wants you a lot! mine suffers from sexual anxiety and is a double edged sword because he is so handsome! =(
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not so much the porn as it is our husbands not wanting to have sex with us mostly because they've already jacked off to it and would rather go solo than have actual sex. Everyone can please themselves, that's what we do when we're single anyway, but when you're married it's much more enjoyable to share the fun. Intimacy is what keeps couples close, as far as I know... yeah there's talking and sharing too but sex TOGETHER is just as important.
It's really unfair to deny your spouse the pleasure just because you don't feel like it. It's like saying I won't cook tonight because _I_ already ate...but what about the spouse? 

And Lookingforblueskies, sorry about the "drift" in the thread lol

I too don't think it's a very good idea to install keylogger to monitor his porn viewing. You might get obsessed with it which will consume a lot of your time and you might end up being more hurt. Instead do like Blanca did, install the program that blocks it, and get counseling. He should understand how it makes you feel and should make an effort to make you happy, even if he doesn't stop looking at it.


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## Lookingforblueskies

Simple question.... from everyone's experience. 

If he's been looking at porn for the past 5+ years... will he be able to stop? 

Or should I expect this to go on?


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## Blanca

Do you mean 5+ years of your marriage? or 5+ years of his entire life? My H had been watching porn for about 15+ years. he's quit as far as i know.

I dont think its really the length of time they've been watching, though. its really about finding out what they really want. if he wants to quit to make you happy, it'll never happen. if he wants to quit because he wants to quit, there's a chance. I think you need to ask him why he wants to quit. Ask him one day casually. dont make a big deal of it. if he says he wants to quit to make you happy, so he doesnt lose you, or any other reason other then because he doesnt like it, he wont quit. at least not any time soon. My H had tried to quit before he even knew me- or any girl. that was a very good sign to me. he tried to stop because he didnt like it. thats one reason i stayed.


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## Lookingforblueskies

every day, i learn a little more about his lies. We haven't even made it to our one year wedding anniversary yet. 

We went through all the rituals of a christian marriage. Had our engaged encounter weekend and spoke of all things that we thought would affect our marriage.... he didn't bring this up once.

8 months seems like too short a time to have to deal with something this big... I seriously wonder if it would be better for me to just give up this whole marriage... it obviously never was what I believed it to be.


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## Byteme

WOW!!! That's not all I have to say but I wouldn't know where to begin either.



> will he be able to stop?


I would say yes. Any addict can stop with the right steps to stop, quit, cease, etc.

I can't really cram all that I would want to say into a few simple short paragraphs but maybe to shed some light possibly for you.

I too have a problem with viewing porn on the internet. It's easily accessible in the comfort of my own home. I used to resort to magazines before the internet came along. I had a stack of Hustlers about 10". But I was introduced to porn and being sexually explorative at an early age too.

I found a magazine, when I was probably about 8 or 9 years old, at a treehouse one time. I would play "doctor" in the attic with "friends". Or do the I'll show you mine if you show me yours thing. So I think that because of these actions and incidents that I am every sexually active, or at least I want to be 24x7. And these are the choices that I have made along the way. Not that I am happy or proud to this but it is just what has happened to me.

About 8 maybe 9 or 10 years ago I was "dry" for a few years, maybe four. I guess it was due to me being "caught" one night as I was view pics on the internet. And it upset the wife, of course and she cried because I was on there looking at other women. If I could I would pluck my eyes out. But then I would have the problem of memory, so then should I become a vegetable and remove that part of my brain. Anyway... that night we "talked" about it, she cried, and I guess everything was okay. I think she was probably more sad that she wasn't pleasing me to the extent that I needed to be. And I was excited that I'd probably be getting more than once or twice or even three times a week.

Well, that didn't last long, she went back to her same old routine and I guess I did go back to mine. Her body has changed much too, i.e. her regulars aren't regular anymore more like heavy bleeding for a week or two then a stink for a week and I'd be lucky to get sex once a month. 

Guess I went off on a tangent. Anyway, point is I think that one can stop if they focus on the other person and not just themselves. If we were not a selfish being and want to please and serve others more than ourselves I believe we can stop.


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## Christine

ATTENTION ALL WOMEN: please read carefully!
As women it is high time that we stand up for ourselves and for what we believe in. No woman should have to put up with her man drooling and jerking off while watching std-infected 'women' and 'men' do their thing on their pc's or wherever. The mere thought of seeing my husband like that makes me recoil in disgust and will result in me loosing all respect for him. As a warmblooded woman I am well groomed, well read and traveled and I never have a 'headache.' I love sex with my husband and I am always willing to try new things. No-one forced my husband into marriage, he CHOSE me by his own free will. He had options! "Forsaking all others" to me means exactly that! ALL others, real flesh and blood women as well as whatever is to be found in magazines, tv and on the internet. If a man isn't happy with you, if you are not 'enough' (pretty enough, firm enough, slim enough, sexy enough...whatever) then he should vote with his feet and leave. It is insulting to any decent woman having to 'compete' with the fantasy, airbrushed, photoshopped ****s in porn movies. If your man cannot or will not deal with reality, a real flesh and blood woman, he has a serious problem. Do not accept a man's 'porn habit' as innocent or simply a 'boys will be boys" thing. Do not allow this kind of disrespect in your marriage as it will eat away at it like a cancer. As woman we are worthy to be loved and cherished and to have faithful partners who makes US the object of their desires and RESPECTS us. Personally I am completely and totally comitted to my husband, I fantasise about him only and I adore him. Why then should he go look 'for it' somewhere else? Marraige is about two people and both of their desires and preferences. Selfish people does not good marriage material make!


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## Lookingforblueskies

Thank you everybody for your support.

I gave my husband an ultimatum... either he gets counseling for his addiction or we get divorced.

He immediately found a counselor and had an appointment that night. He also bought that book that was in the movie fireproof, and is working through his 40 days of trying to fix our marriage. 

I don't really understand his porn addiction. I don't understand how you can love one person, and then drool over a hundred others. But I understand that addictions are hard to quit and that he's been dealing with this long before I ever came along. 

So I hope that we are able to come through this as a stronger couple.


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## Byteme

Glad to hear this. Be positive about it and hopefully in return he figures it out.


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## Dani

I loved what Christine wrote on 5/26! This is pretty much what I told my husband about 2 years ago when I found a very explicite video porn site on the computer history. He insisted that because he'd had testicular cancer, didn't feel "manly" (oh boy) that he thought it would help "us". Meantime I'd been the ONE who was responsible for making him feel "manly" for years (10 or so), meanwhile ... I wasn't feeling very "womanly", wanted, desired, attractive....etc .. and having bad fake sex too so he could feel "manly". I talked to him about this many times over the last few years, didn't seem to stick for more than a couple days. About 5 years ago I suggested we get a sexy movie...he looked at me like I was nuts. As far as I know (and now I wonder about that too) he's only been with 3 women ever; I've had a bit more "experience" though not real adventurous... more so than he is (basic sex). He would get the "hurt" look if I ever tried to "help" show him to know what I liked or suggested books etc, so I quit trying. We've been married 25 years, almost divorced 4 years ago. For the guys on this site, I am in great shape, I've been told I'm very attractive and that I look 15 yrs younger than I am. I've been asked if my husband is my dad, so it's not a lack of taking care of myself. This brings up another question, why does this question of "taking care of ones self" alway relate to the WOMEN. Like dorky, fat, ungroomed men are ok?? anyway, sorry, had to ask? So, now, I find that my husband is back on the same site while I'm out of town on business. When I caught him before he about killed himself trying to get that site OUT of the computer and said he'd never do that again. NOW, I presume it's continued this whole time. He doesn't pursue sex with me and I don't at this point either since it's so unsatisfying and frustrating. To be clear, I don't care if he masterbates, just not to degrading, explicite internet video porn. It's about how it makes me feel and I guess I have to presume that to him his sick pleasure is more important than my feelings?


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