# Why get married when everything stays seperate?



## bossychell (Oct 5, 2010)

I just got married in May. I filed for bankruptcy like the week after our marriage, alone, my spouse is not on the bankruptcy. I discussed with him combining our health insurance because mine cost $140 a week, $15 co-pay and an 80/20 pay. He doesnt pay anything for his insurance but has a $30 co-pay, he says if he add his spouse then they will charge (im sure its no where near $140 a wk). 

Our car insurance stays seperate and he says I can't drive his car because im not on his insurance ( insurancepanda.com ). But I have my own vehicle and insurance which in Michigan would cover his vehicle if I was driving it. He just went out to buy a new car and I didnt have anything to do with picking out the car, he wouldnt take me to the dealerships with him. Nor did I have anything to do with the loans he took out, his sisters and brother helped him with all this stuff. I didnt have anything to do with it and this really hurts my feelings.

Bank accounts have stayed seperate. And ok I can live with that but all this other stuff is really start to get to me. I dont know what to do? Why did he want to marry me? Im sure the way our relationship started has something to do with it...insecurity...I left an over 20 year relationship to be with him. We have now been together for over 3 years. I do really love him and I believe God brought us together, so I am not ready to give up!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Some people are funny when it comes to their money (wasn't trying to rhyme, but it worked out - hey!).

Seriously though, it's true. 

Have you asked him "why" he wants all the financial arrangements separate? There might be a plausible reason or just the fact that he is funny with his money.

I bet you that my husband has the very FIRST penny he ever earned - he can be extremely cheap and then also generous - he has issues with money - his mother once told me its been that way since he was a child - he would save all his allowance up to buy something and all his brothers/sisters would immediately spend theirs on toys and candy, but my husband always had money. He's still like that to this day.

He's a saver, I'm a spender. It balances out. But one thing I did insist on was a joint bank account and we've had one for more than 25 years. But since he is funny with his money, he does have a separate account that only he has access to that spending money goes into every month. I don't feel the need to have one so I just use what is in our joint account. But - that separate account makes him feel better, so I don't have any issues with it. 

Now, I don't understand why he bought a new car (as a marrried man), and did not speak with you about it, etc. That is a little strange, even to me.

As far as the health insurance - he's right, it will go up - but it might be more cost-efficient as it might not go up to $140 a week like you are paying now. 

As far as car insurance, you don't have to be on his insurance by name. Any driver (unless excluded by name on his insurance policy) is covered while behind the wheel of his car. You are right on this one.

Does he keep everything separate? Or just his financial issues? Do you sleep in the same room/bed? Do you/he spend time with both families or does he spend time with his family separate from you? Do you watch TV together in the same room? Look at all your situations as a couple and see how much time is spent together and separate. Is he a loner? Loners get married just like everyone else, but still need lots of "alone" time.

Sit down and talk to him, if you haven't already and tell him what you told us - your feelings are hurt and you'd like to understand why he didn't include you in the car buying, why all financial issues have to be separate, etc. 

Hope you get the answers you need.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

1 - you don't have a good history with money...its a fact...may be why he doesn't want to mingle names yet on financial accounts. They would check your credit history as well as his and it could cause whatever it is to go up by quite a bit with your bankruptcy hanging out there.

2 - as long as you have permission to drive the car the insurance covers you

3 - you don't know how much his medical insurance would go up. For my husband to go from a single to a family (there is no in between) it was over $500 a month

my first husband and I didn't merge bank accounts til we bought a house. Its not totally unheard of.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You say you filed for bankruptcy...I'm no expert, but generally speaking, when someone files for bankruptcy, it tends to indicate not being very good with money. If that's the case, then I don't think it's totally unreasonable that he wouldn't want to mingle finances with you. 

As for the car and health insurances...the health insurance could actually be more than yours. Without looking at the paperwork, you don't really know how much it would be. Car insurance...as far as I know, just by the fact that you live at the same address, the insurance will automatically cover you anyway. 

With the car, the loans and such, again that goes back to the bankruptcy and bad with money thing. With poor credit, he's not going to want to go with you financially on that either. I do think it's kind of odd that he didn't discuss it with you in any way, but I also don't know that it's really such a bad thing either. Maybe he just felt that buying your own cars would be something you would each handle by yourselves? I don't know. 

If all this stuff is bothering you so much, talk to him. Tell him how you feel about all of it, so he can explain his thoughts to you on it.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You have a bad track record with money.
You could not help him with the loans, becus of the bankrupcy
His car, his money, his credit. He didn't need your input.


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