# What have I gotten myself into..



## Darylhinners (Jan 27, 2019)

My name's Daryl age 40 married 10 years with 3 kids. Wife is 30. With a very unsatisfiing sex life. I know I'll come off as some kind of selfish pig but keep reading.

When we met I was in the military active duty and I got deplayed all the time to places I hope to God my kids never see. But anyway things were good as could be between us phone calls, letters, web chatting n so on. When I was home sex life was better than great. 

A little about us though my wife orgasims at light speed, myself I can go for hours literally, not bragging it's a curse. Some times never climaxing. But now a bj will send me over the top with in minutes everytime if I can remember what one is.

I was medically discharge after being hit with shrapnel on convoy duty. Other than the deep scared across my chest I'm completely functional. We relocated and built a new home in the country very kid friendly place to put down roots. Im a vehical mechanic so I built and opened a shop at our home. Im at work 7 days a week 365 days a year but I'm 200 feet away from the family unlike before half a world away. She quit working to be home with the kids

Now on to my reason here today. It's not about quantity of sex Which is almost daily but I haven't had a orgisim in over 5 years now. 

She will play around just enough to get me hard and throw me down climb on top for about 3 minutes tops then she's climax's the she's absolutely done. 

I use to sneak off afterwords and finish myself untill I got caught one day. And I was told how grotest and discussing semen was. Since then I haven't even tried, I gave up n just go to work..

I'd have better odds getting a gulp n swallow bj from some hot collage chick at the shop that's 2 dollars short on an oil change or brake job. I've been offered exactly that 4 times already this year and it's still January. Extreamly extremely tempting but I'm married with children. And my morals kick in. I've been cheated on before wouldn't wish it on anyone not even my wife.

I've tried everything short of counseling. Her sex rule book is almost endless if you want to, the answer will be NO. Other than are you done yet that will be a yes

If it wasn't for the investment on our new home and the kids I'd leave and never say a thing. Just be gone

Just really sick of it all

Any ideas out there?


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Marriage counseling and or sex therapist? You need an outside expert to intervene.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Darylhinners said:


> My name's Daryl age 40 *married 10 years *with 3 kids. Wife is 30. With a very unsatisfiing sex life. I know I'll come off as some kind of selfish pig but keep reading.
> 
> When we met I was in the military active duty and I got deplayed all the time to places I hope to God my kids never see. But anyway things were good as could be between us phone calls, letters, web chatting n so on. When I was home sex life was better than great.
> 
> ...


Yes, a few ideas from a guy who has been married over 47 years to the same woman. First marriage is about commitment. Marriage is not easy, it is very hard if you do it right and really stretches you. 

You sound like a "nice guy." That is not a complement. Try reading Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy. A nice guy is about a man who is codependent and needs the validation of a woman for him to be happy. Real "integrated men" are men that are confident, proud of their accomplishments and don't need a woman to constantly validate them to be happy.

Part of marriage commitment is making sure that your spouse get's the love they need and part of it is mentally and emotionally being optimistic. Your glass is more than half full in regards to sex. There are men on this forum whose wives have not had sex with them in any form for a long long time. I was one of them once, before I changed myself, learned how to provide my wife with the love she needed and became less dependent on her for my happiness.

In addition to changing yourself, you need to communicate better or at least differently with your wife. My suggestion is that you find some special alone time with her (outside the bedroom) and hold her hand and tell her in a serious discussion that you love her more than anything else, but that you are struggling with some things and need her help with them. Tell her that when she told you semen was gross and made you feel like masturbation was wrong, it closed the only avenue you had to orgasmic release for the past 5 years. Tell her that this is eating at you and you need her to help you find some way that you can experience the full pleasure of sharing your body with her in a way that she enjoys. If that means wearing a condom, having her help masturbate you or at least hold you and tell you she loves you when you masturbate, if it means bringing a washcloth to bed to clean up after sex, if it means masturbating before intercourse so there will be less semen; you will try anything she thinks will be acceptable.

In my book you have 3 problems. The first is that you are not greatful and committed enough to the marriage that you have. You are not communicating your needs to your wife. You need to change yourself so you are not as co-dependent.

Good luck.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to TAM. I have lots of questions for you that will help us to give you better advice.

Have you sat down and had a very serious discussion with her that this is a dealbreaker for you? Asking her things like, why she was willing to spend more time with you or give bjs before, and now she is not? Also how much this is affecting your quality of life and happiness?

Or approach it from asking her how she would suggest _*you*_ get orgasms?

Will she give you a BJ and then just finish the last few strokes with her hand if you promise to warn her and not blow in her mouth?

Have you tried Viagra? I wonder if maybe the extra blood flow might help you to cum any quicker (I have NO clue if that is the case, the guys will be in shortly). 

Have you ever asked your doctor why it takes you so long? Have you always been this way?

Are you against the idea of the two of you going to sex therapy?

Next, if she has a HD (high drive) then I would let her know that since you do not get satisfied, you will be cutting the quantity way back. 

If she doesn’t know, I would probably mention how bjs get offered as currency weekly to you, not as a threat of cheating, but just something for her to think on.


----------

