# Sex with passed out wife



## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

My husband has a fantasy where he wants to give me a sleeping pill and then have sex with my body while I am asleep. I am not opposed to letting him have his fantasy, he is very loving and has proven himself to be respectful and a man of good character...I asked him if he wanted to try something that he is afraid to tell me about and he said no he just wants to have sex with "me"(quotation marks because I won't actually be there, only my body) while I am asleep. But I am having a hard time understanding why it is a turn on for him. It seems to me that without my participation it is just like masturbation. Can any one help me understand what the turn on is? I am not asking for advise about whether or not to do it.... I just want to understand this fantasy.... I know there are men who drug women and rape them that is not what he is asking for.... He wants me to consent and be loved and held as the sleeping pill takes effect.... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure. Please give me a few perspectives.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He isn't a mortician is he?


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

No! Bahahaha!!!😆


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> My husband has a fantasy where he wants to give me a sleeping pill and then have sex with my body while I am asleep. I am not opposed to letting him have his fantasy, he is very loving and has proven himself to be respectful and a man of good character...I asked him if he wanted to try something that he is afraid to tell me about and he said no he just wants to have sex with "me"(quotation marks because I won't actually be there, only my body) while I am asleep. But I am having a hard time understanding why it is a turn on for him. It seems to me that without my participation it is just like masturbation. Can any one help me understand what the turn on is? I am not asking for advise about whether or not to do it.... I just want to understand this fantasy.... I know there are men who drug women and rape them that is not what he is asking for.... He wants me to consent and be loved and held as the sleeping pill takes effect.... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure. Please give me a few perspectives.


Hmmm...not really heard of that one before...It seems a lot of men complain about starfish sex, and he wants to induce that artificially by giving you a drug...
Another thing is, he is not giving you an anaesthetic; you are going to wake up if he has sex with you, right? You need to make sure you know exactly what it is you are taking. I don't think sleeping pills are that strong...

Why not just pretend you are sleeping? If he wants to have the power aspect, just let him tie you up, blindfold you and do the the regular BDSM stuff. 
Maybe it's more to do with necrophilia? 

I would pretend I swallowed a pill and pretend I was sleeping, and then see what the hell it is about first...I would rank it in the 'too weird, don't do it' category to be honest.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I think the first question you ask you H is, "What therapist have you scheduled an appointment with and when?"


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Oh my goodness. This seems very odd and creepy to me. I would never allow this. Sometimes following a fantasy can do more harm than good, but if we look at the meaning behind it, there is a deeper need that can be addressed. He wants you to completely trust him. What kinds of better activities could the two of you do together to build trust and closeness?

Rather than turning him down flat, you could redirect the conversation to talking about how he could have his need for deeper trust and closeness to be realized while you are both awake and in control of yourselves.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Is this the same husband you were divorcing in 2018 or a new one?

I don't think many of us will understand this fantasy. It sounds super creepy and I can't imagine someone mentally stable actually wanting to do this to someone else. I would assume he has some ulterior motives. I don't think you should entertain this idea at all and I think you may want to consider if this means he has some dark side you might not have known about.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ask him if there is something that will upset you when you review the hidden camera footage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think his request is scary and there is no way I'd go along with it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Creepy


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## AmbitiousOvercomer (Jul 4, 2019)

This request is a serious red flag! DO NOT indulge this fantasy! I am worried about what his intentions might really be and if you are "practice" for something more sinister. Call me paranoid and outrageous if you like but many serial killers have been known to practice some of their techniques on their significant others first. These personality types are very charismatic and charming, you might think this request is innocent but I fear there is more to the story.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

I don't need advise about whether or not to do it... I am not asking for that. Please stop giving advise and and share your thoughts about why it is a turn on for a guy.. What I want to know is why it is a fantasy... From a mans perspective.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Great minds I'm telling you. I was thinking the same as Blondilocks, that you should have a camera hidden to review later. The reason I thought it is that I wonder if he is a necrophiliac and your unconscious body is the closest he could get to a dead body.....or he wants to do something to you he knows you wouldn't approve of if you were conscious, for which a hidden camera would be useful.

I know you're not asking for advice, so take this or leave it. Loving and trusting someone is not the same as what your husband is asking. You need to know how to draw the line because this isn't about you trusting him despite him saying that it is. You don't do everything a person asks just because you love and trust them, and you don't do things on a dare just to prove anything to them.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


It is NOT a common fantasy. There is massive amount of porn for whatever fetish you can imagine. That doesn't mean that many men like those things. Take child porn as an example. There is a massive amount of it, but that doesn't mean that it's a common fantasy. If you came here asking why men like it, the responses would be similar to what has already been posted. It's a fetish for people who are mentally unstable. I would put passed out porn in that category as well. If someone fantasizes about that, I would strongly think they are mentally unstable.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

There are many reasons why a man might like this fantasy. One is so he can rape you in your sleep and practice improving his technique. He may also be thinking about how to prepare a dead body for whatever he has in mind. Lots of reasons why someone might have a fantasy like this. Not all of them are reasonable, like building trust. Some of them are about using vulnerability and taking advantage for nefarious means.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


You are not in a forum where men who have this fantasy are hanging out. So the men here are not going to be much help to you.

You may have to find a forum of people who read or write this type of erotica. Maybe there you could get some insight.

I’m sorry but this fantasy is not as common as you may believe. It may have lots and lots of viewers of porn, but that doesn’t mean it has lots of guys in the normal population who are into it.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

It’s not a fantasy of mine. The best part of asleep sex is when she wakes up and realizes what’s going on. (I do have an open invitation.)


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


I mentioned necrophilia so you can look it up and see if you can glean any insight or understanding from it. If this has been his fantasy since before seeing it in porn flicks, the two might share similar inclinations and motivations. If it became something he wanted to do after seeing it in porn flicks, then it falls in line with the reason I hate porn, it gives men more ideas for objectifying and disrespecting women.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Did he ask you to wet your hair and act drunk before taking the pill?

https://cdn1.thr.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/1296x730/2014/11/bill_cosby_4.jpg


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I'm a guy and I don't really understand the fantasy myself. All my fantasies deal with having an alert partner who is fully involved in the act with a state of heightened consciousness. I really got no insight as to why sex with the unconscious would be a turn on. I suspect the popularity of such as a porn genre is for all the guys who like the idea of being able to take advantage of a woman without being caught; maybe just a variation of rape fantasy but without the risk. 

I agree with @InMyPrime ; (I have to add that I agree first with all the women who have so far advised against it, but I know that's not what you're looking for), but IMP's suggestion that faking the sleep part should be adequate. 

As I said, I know you're not looking for advice on a go/no-go decision, but I would like to add one what should be rather obvious consideration. Rendering a human being unconscious to the point of not being awakened by sex is no trivial matter! This is the only sort of thing which should be done by a licensed, certified physician/anesthesiologist. Is your husband a properly certified medical professional? 

No matter how much you trust him to not do anything you would disapprove of, you can't trust his level of medical expertise here. This is straight up dangerous, and I'd be very concerned about a man who was so cavalier about doing such a dangerous thing. 

Like I said, pretend to be asleep. If that's not good enough for him, that should really tell you something.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I don’t understand or share this fantasy. I don’t understand why you would need to be drugged. Faking unconsciousness should be fine, right? But then, I don’t understand it.

When people encounter things and people they don’t understand, fear is a normal reaction. I think it sounds scary.

It is common for men to have sex with sleeping, unconscious women. But normally a guy gets pissed once he realizes his wife fell asleep. (J/k... never had it happen to me, but I know it happens to other guys.)


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> He isn't a mortician is he?


 @Blondilocks 

Ha! I'd just started reading and I laughed aloud!


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> I don’t understand or share this fantasy. I don’t understand why you would need to be drugged. Faking unconsciousness should be fine, right? But then, I don’t understand it.
> 
> When people encounter things and people they don’t understand, fear is a normal reaction. I think it sounds scary.
> 
> It is common for men to have sex with sleeping, unconscious women. But normally a guy gets pissed once he realizes his wife fell asleep. (J/k... never had it happen to me, but I know it happens to other guys.)



:rofl: HAHAH HAHAHAAA HAHAHAHAAAAA :rofl:

I really burst out laughing.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Without judgements, yes, no, maybes, etc..

It might be a way he's comfortable in getting you to be a sub to his dom, but he's working on his dom factor, doesn't know how you'd respond to him asking you to be his love slave up to a safe word point.

There's nothing I read at least if what I've read to suggest he has any intention of being harmful to you.

Strange to me, but I've learned long ago everyone can have different fantasies and likes.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Light bulb!! Okay, I totally get it now. A sleeping pill would only make me fall asleep not be totally pass out and I would definitely awake during his advances.... Thank you Charlie Parker!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Robinskisses said:


> Light bulb!! Okay, I totally get it now. A sleeping pill would only make me fall asleep not be totally pass out and I would definitely awake during his advances.... Thank you Charlie Parker!


Not trying to be a pain here but I'm curious what the need for the pill is at all then. Don't you already fall asleep every night? Could this not already take place without medication you don't need?


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Ragnar Ranasson, that is also a good theory!... Thank you... I have BDSM fantasies... So I see that thought process.... And I might kind of enjoy delving into that discussion with him.... Hmm... Two differing theories... But both totally plausable....


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Rocky mountain Yeti... I am a VERY light sleeper.... After being deployed I came back a much lighter sleeper than I already was before and I wake several times in the night.


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## SunWhiskey (May 21, 2019)

Robinskisses said:


> I don't need advise about whether or not to do it... I am not asking for that. Please stop giving advise and and* share your thoughts about why it is a turn on for a guy..* What I want to know is why it is a fantasy... From a mans perspective.


It's not.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

I cannot believe some of the things people have said on here. Every one has an off the wall fantasy... Some silly and some romantic and some even violent. just because it is one of his fantasies doesn't automatically mean he is a sinister creep.... Some of the replies on here went to an extreme with their theories. I find that to be off putting... Others of you made good points like general safety considerations... I think they are worth considering.... But all I wanted to know is why do otherwise normal men fantasize about sex with a woman who is asleep/passed out....


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I am not a man, and my husband does not have that fantasy, so I cannot solve the mystery of your question. I will, however, say that what to married people consensual I choose to do is really their business. Unless there is some serious risk or someone is being coerced, I'm not sure we should be judging what other people decide to do. Is it possible his underlying desire is to have you completely surrendered and at his mercy, and the asleep or passed out take on it is just the only thing that really comes to his mind? I could understand the appeal of a man wanting his partner to be completely surrendered.


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## Mylehigh (Jul 8, 2019)

Ok - so to reply without giving advice... that's kinda tough here.

Hmmm... let's see if I as a man, I can try to explain the turn-on aspect of this.

How about this one - he wants to play out a drug-rape fantasy that he has, but doesn't want to commit the actual horrific act on someone that will result in him going to jail.

Pretty sexy sounding to me.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Mylehigh thanks. I have read online that there are some women who fantasize about being raped.... I sometimes fantsize about a school teacher requiring a blow job for a good grade....so your theory seems reasonable to me...


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Also, the hidden camera is a great idea!!


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## SunWhiskey (May 21, 2019)

Recording without consent? Doesn't sound trusting to me. Maybe explain to him that you want to record it and go from there.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Is this the husband you were divorcing in 2018 or a new husband?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Maybe you talk too much or you fidget and he’s distracted.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> My husband has a fantasy where he wants to give me a sleeping pill and then have sex with my body while I am asleep. I am not opposed to letting him have his fantasy, he is very loving and has proven himself to be respectful and a man of good character...I asked him if he wanted to try something that he is afraid to tell me about and he said no he just wants to have sex with "me"(quotation marks because I won't actually be there, only my body) while I am asleep. But I am having a hard time understanding why it is a turn on for him. It seems to me that without my participation it is just like masturbation. Can any one help me understand what the turn on is? I am not asking for advise about whether or not to do it.... I just want to understand this fantasy.... I know there are men who drug women and rape them that is not what he is asking for.... He wants me to consent and be loved and held as the sleeping pill takes effect.... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure. Please give me a few perspectives.


This is called "The Cos" :grin2:

Seriously people are weird and like weird ****. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone no one should judge. NOT saying you are, just saying. As far as the power thing it makes sense but if you are not cool with that you should say so. It's your body. The bottom like is it's OK to have fantasies as long as no one is hurt, and it's OK to say that is a bridge to far for me.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> I cannot believe some of the things people have said on here. Every one has an off the wall fantasy... Some silly and some romantic and some even violent. just because it is one of his fantasies doesn't automatically mean he is a sinister creep.... Some of the replies on here went to an extreme with their theories. I find that to be off putting... Others of you made good points like general safety considerations... I think they are worth considering.... But all I wanted to know is why do otherwise normal men fantasize about sex with a woman who is asleep/passed out....


Who cares what they thing right? Honestly it sounds like you have a very good sexual relationship probably better then lots of people on here. You say he is a loving and good man of character and the only judgement that matters is yours. I think it is awesome that you want to accommodate him, or are at least willing to understand. The best person to talk to about this is probably going to be him though. The other thing is, you don't have to understand really right? I mean people like to put on furry suits and have sex, OK I don't get it. But if my wife really wanted to do it, I would try. If it really turned her on I would try to concentrate on her being turned on. 

The one thing he said is he likes the power aspect. There are other ways you can explore a power dynamic where you can participate and be more enjoyable for you. Maybe you can start there. 

The most important thing is you feel safe, but if you do, if I were you I would explore this thing, do a deep drive and have fun trying to figure out what this is that he likes. Then try to ramp up the enjoyment in a way that you get it too participate too. 

Congrats on being a good wife.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

The only other possibility I could think of (and I hate that I even thought of this) is that if he really wants you passed out, does he have any sort of fantasy of seeing you with other guys? And does he know you would never go for it? I'd hate to think he would have you pass out and bring someone else into the situation (have a camera for SURE!!).

I don't know any guy who has ever said they wanted to have sex with someone who is completely passed out and passive.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Robinskisses said:


> I cannot believe some of the things people have said on here. Every one has an off the wall fantasy... Some silly and some romantic and some even violent. just because it is one of his fantasies doesn't automatically mean he is a sinister creep.... Some of the replies on here went to an extreme with their theories. I find that to be off putting... Others of you made good points like general safety considerations... I think they are worth considering.... But all I wanted to know is why do otherwise normal men fantasize about sex with a woman who is asleep/passed out....


I thought of a couple other possible reasons, which are that he may want to act out in ways that might otherwise embarrass him if you saw him, so he wants to be able to fully express himself without a witness. Think in terms of the faces some people make while in the throes of ecstasy and orgasm. Or, think in terms of some of the sounds that some people express. Maybe there are facial expressions while he's enjoying himself that he would be too shy or ashamed for you to be able to see. Maybe he wants to scream, make wild howling noises, or call you terrible names that he'd never want you to hear. Or, maybe he just wants to have his way with without receiving any physical or auditory responses. And the possibility I mentioned earlier that he wants to do things to you that you would not approve of and wouldn't let him do otherwise remains a consideration, of course. If, for example, you refuse him anal intercourse or something else you are not into allowing him to do, your unconscious and helpless state would be the perfect circumstance to take advantage and do what he wants.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I have actually played this game before. My exh and I were quite fun and experimental. 

We used ambien. It was quite fascinating and interesting. I won’t bother with the details other than to say it was fun and consensual and very kinky.

Neither of us had any particular fantasy about doing something like this, we just had read about people who take ambien having sex in their sleep and doing all kinds of other things like even driving, which they don’t remember at all. It made us curious to see what the effects would be like if one of us took it and the other did all kinds of sexual things to them while they were under its influence. Would the one who took it remember anything? Would they be like a starfish, or would they also be able to participate sexually, even if they had no memory of it later? We just had to know.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

A case of YKINMKBYKIOK.


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## hptessla (Jun 4, 2019)

Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


I'm not judging...frankly I'm shocked at the overreaction here given the number of 'acceptable' things I come across here.
I believe he told you the answer. You and a couple others focused on the trust aspect. Not it in my opinion.

I think it is the total control part. If you are pretending to be asleep it's not the same at all. He wants control, complete control. Is he normally passive and agreeable in RL?

I don't know any history with him and haven't the urge to go look up your old posts. If you were on the verge of divorce last year...well, unless you seriously think he wants to kill you... And reall? If she's asleep when he kills you does that somehow magically make him appear not guilty?! Unless of course he's putting you to sleep to sell you off into the sex trade, but then he could just excite you with a trip to any number of exotic locales and not have to worry about a police investigation of any worth.

Since you've already gotten him trusting enough to tell you the what just ask him to expand on the 'why'. Might be, as you've probably stumbled across on the net, a turn on for you if it is about giving him complete control.
You're married, it's not illegal or overtly dangerous and it doesn't creep YOU out. If he tells you that he wants to dress you or himself up in a cosplay or furry outfit you can reconsider.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

What does that mean?


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## hptessla (Jun 4, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I have actually played this game before. My exh and I were quite fun and experimental.
> 
> We used ambien. It was quite fascinating and interesting. I won’t bother with the details other than to say it was fun and consensual and very kinky.
> 
> Neither of us had any particular fantasy about doing something like this, we just had read about people who take ambien having sex in their sleep and doing all kinds of other things like even driving, which they don’t remember at all. It made us curious to see what the effects would be like if one of us took it and the other did all kinds of sexual things to them while they were under its influence. Would the one who took it remember anything? Would they be like a starfish, or would they also be able to participate sexually, even if they had no memory of it later? We just had to know.


You pose a lot of what if questions...then you leave us hanging!!
That's not very nice and seems quite unfair


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

@Robinskisses,

You may already know how you'll react to a generic sleeping pill, so this might be moot info.

Obviously you know there are different types of sleeping medication, and except for a very few folks one 30mg script type (and types vary) will still likely find you being awakened during sex when touched, and most definitely if something rough, even if it's a "good" rough. 

So I'm assuming here you and he already are knowledgeable about all that type/strength misc stuff if have served.

I googled it, it's a thing, as I'm sure you have too, I'd think.

Carry on as you see fit! 

Welcome to TAM, btw. Thank you for your service.

Ragnar


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

hptessla said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I have actually played this game before. My exh and I were quite fun and experimental.
> ...


I’ll let you know when the book comes out. 😇

I will say that I have written about this on TAM before and was shamed for it by a couple of people. But I understand where they were coming from. Some people are just very leery of all drugs and I can’t blame them. I personally have only had good experiences on experimental drugs so I can only go by my own experience, but I am fairly experienced at this so I am taking less of a risk than someone who has zero experience.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I have actually played this game before. My exh and I were quite fun and experimental.
> 
> We used ambien. It was quite fascinating and interesting. I won’t bother with the details other than to say it was fun and consensual and very kinky.
> 
> Neither of us had any particular fantasy about doing something like this, we just had read about people who take ambien having sex in their sleep and doing all kinds of other things like even driving, which they don’t remember at all. It made us curious to see what the effects would be like if one of us took it and the other did all kinds of sexual things to them while they were under its influence. Would the one who took it remember anything? Would they be like a starfish, or would they also be able to participate sexually, even if they had no memory of it later? We just had to know.


You mention as you both were curious about how the other would respond, but wouldn't you be the one who had to be asleep or unconscious? Would it be possible for a man to perform in his sleep and unconscious state? I'm curious to know if the male organ responds to stimulation involuntarily like that without its owner knowing. So, if a man is in a coma, he can be sexually aroused? And could he also finish?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

StarFires said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I have actually played this game before. My exh and I were quite fun and experimental.
> ...


These are the burning questions we had to know.

We each took our turn as the drugged one and the sober one, a couple times actually. 

We found that with ambien the results could vary wildly. From stone dead to seeming as if they are perfectly aware and normal but with zero memory afterwards.

We do not know what would cause the differences. We only know all of it was fun.

For the time when he took it and was active and not a stone, yes he functioned normally sexually. But his mind was not normal. There could be a lot to unpack there if someone was up and about but not in their right mind. 

For us everything worked out great but I definitely would not recommend this to anyone who doesn’t have some recreational drug experience (both taking them and care taking for someone who has taken them when you have not).


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The answer could be as simple as:
Your going to wake up with a very sore butt hole ..... And hopefully not bad breath as well !!!!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

StarFires said:


> You mention as you both were curious about how the other would respond, but wouldn't you be the one who had to be asleep or unconscious? Would it be possible for a man to perform in his sleep and unconscious state? I'm curious to know if the male organ responds to stimulation involuntarily like that without its owner knowing. So, if a man is in a coma, he can be sexually aroused? And could he also finish?




Yes. I read an article somewhere about a dead Mexican man accidentally impregnating a female worker in a morgue, who sexually assaulted him while he was dead...
Now he is on the hook for alimony.
Lesson: don’t die without putting a condom on first.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Here’s the science behind this:

7. You can bring a corpse to orgasm.

Another Mary Roach gem, found in her book Stiff on human cadavers (and in her TED talk), is the study that found out if you stimulate the sacral nerve root of a beating-heart cadaver with an electrode, it triggers the Lazarus reflex, which is a movement in which the legally dead person will cross its arms across its chest. “Very unsettling for people working in pathology labs,” as Roach put it. Roach surmised that if a corpse can be stimulated to do the Lazarus, it could also be stimulated to orgasm. So she asked brain death expert Stephanie Mann: “Could you conceivably trigger an orgasm in a dead person?" She said, ‘Yes, if the sacral nerve is being oxygenated, you conceivably could.’ Obviously it wouldn't be as much fun for the person. But it would be an orgasm — nonetheless.” So not only can researchers make corpses do part of the macarena, they can also give dead people the time of their lives (deaths?).

https://www.salon.com/2015/04/01/science_wouldnt_lie_you_can_bring_a_corpse_to_orgasm/

A dead guy might be a bit of a stiff lover lover though. But maybe that’s no bad thing.



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

To the people who want to find out what’s it’s like having sex on drugs and not remember it afterwards: how is one supposed to do that in practice exactly? 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

There was this other article where a man had sex with over 100 corpses while on drugs.
Many of them orgasmed apparently (and none of them complained. Not that it makes it ok). 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/...ng-sex-with-up-to-100-dead-women-9676200.html

What i want to know is: if you can make an actual corps orgasm, but not your wife, what does it say about your skillz?



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> The answer could be as simple as:
> Your going to wake up with a very sore butt hole .....



This happened to me after a colonoscopy once. And I couldn’t remember a thing.



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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bixby62 said:


> Ok - so to reply without giving advice... that's kinda tough here.
> 
> Hmmm... let's see if I as a man, I can try to explain the turn-on aspect of this.
> 
> ...


Let's call it for what it is. A rape fantasy. If we want to be really really kind about it, it would be a total-submission fantasy, one step short of (or actually beyond?) bondage.

If the idea is sensory deprivation (for the wife), couldn't you at least start with a blindfold first? And perhaps thick gloves so she couldn't feel her partner using her hands. All exploration done by him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


Somnophilia (from Latin "somnus" = sleep and Greek φιλία, "-philia" = love), also known as sleeping princess syndrome and sleeping beauty syndrome, is a paraphilia in which an individual becomes sexually aroused by someone who is unconscious. Sexology scholar John Money stated that the condition has a high degree of correlation throughout history with incest and may progress to necrophilia. The Dictionary of Psychology categorized somnophilia within the classification of predatory paraphilias.

The term somnophilia was coined by John Money in 1986. He characterized the condition as a type of sexual fetishism, described as a type of syndrome: "of the marauding-predatory type in which erotic arousal and facilitation or attainment of orgasm are responsive to and dependent on intruding upon" someone who is unable to respond. He wrote that often the condition then subsequently involves the individual waking the unresponsive sexual partner after the act has been committed.

According to Money, somnophilia may progress to necrophilia, the desire to have sexual relations with a dead body. He characterized it as a form of "stealth and stealing paraphilias" including kleptophilia.[8] Money wrote that somnophilia has a high degree of correlation with acts of incest throughout history. Abuse may follow from the condition including use of force or abduction. Typically, the individual upon whom the sex act is committed by the somnophiliac is a stranger not previously known intimately to the individual. The somnophiliac may create an unconscious state in the victim by drugging them, or may engage in sex with someone who is inebriated or asleep. The perpetrator becomes attracted to the idea of a sexual participant who is unable to resist their advances.

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders classified the term in 2000 under DSM-IV TR code 302.9 and in the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems under ICD-10 code F65.9.
The Dictionary of Psychology categorized somnophilia within the classification of predatory paraphilias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somnophilia


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

InMyPrime said:


> Yes. I read an article somewhere about a dead Mexican man accidentally impregnating a female worker in a morgue, who sexually assaulted him while he was dead...
> Now he is on the hook for alimony.
> Lesson: don’t die without putting a condom on first.
> 
> ...


You crack me up. I can't tell if you're joking so just to let you know, male corpses get a last erection. It's fairly routine. I'm sure you've read me mention I used to work closely with funeral homes, so that's a bit of information I came across. But I never inquired as to how or when it occurs, such as why it occurs there in the funeral home. So I've wondered if it's something they do to make it happen (like during embalming - no blood flow blockage, whatever), and I also don't know what they do toooo....umm....deflate it(?) Googling just now, I see that it's common knowledge and one article mentioned something about its ability to ejaculate. Didn't read any of the google results though.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Robinskisses said:


> Light bulb!! Okay, I totally get it now. A sleeping pill would only make me fall asleep not be totally pass out and I would definitely awake during his advances.... Thank you Charlie Parker!


Does your husband think that a sleeping pill will make you completely passed out? You might want to ask him that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> There was this other article where a man had sex with over 100 corpses while on drugs.
> *Many of them orgasmed apparently *(and none of them complained. Not that it makes it ok).
> 
> https://www.independent.co.uk/news/...ng-sex-with-up-to-100-dead-women-9676200.html
> ...



Methinks you have taken a wee bit of liberty, here.:wink2:


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I'm reminded of the dentists and dental assistants who molest and/or rape anesthetized patients, caretakers who molest patients with cerebral palsy and other conditions that cause paralysis and mutism, any other sexually violating act committed on elderly and other people who are infirm and cannot resist or reject, as well as those who are slipped date rape-type drugs. With these reminders, I am rendered unable to dispute your assertion that it's a common fantasy. Thank goodness he asked you, so I guess that counts for something. But the why he wants to, the what is he planning to do, and the what did he do after its over are still nagging questions.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Robinskisses said:


> My husband has a fantasy where he wants to give me a sleeping pill and then have sex with my body while I am asleep. I am not opposed to letting him have his fantasy, he is very loving and has proven himself to be respectful and a man of good character...I asked him if he wanted to try something that he is afraid to tell me about and he said no he just wants to have sex with "me"(quotation marks because I won't actually be there, only my body) while I am asleep. *But I am having a hard time understanding why it is a turn on for him. * It seems to me that without my participation it is just like masturbation. *Can any one help me understand what the turn on is?* I am *not asking for advise about whether or not to do it.*... I just want to understand this fantasy.... I know there are men who *drug women and rape them that is not what he is asking for*.... He wants me to consent and be loved and held as the sleeping pill takes effect.... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it *he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal* but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure. Please give me a few perspectives.





Robinskisses said:


> I don't need advise about whether or not to do it... I am not asking for that. *Please stop giving advise and and share your thoughts about why it is a turn on for a guy..* What I want to know is why it is a fantasy... From a mans perspective.





Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...





Robinskisses said:


> I cannot believe some of the things people have said on here. Every one has an off the wall fantasy... Some silly and some romantic and some even violent. just because it is one of his fantasies doesn't automatically mean he is a sinister creep.... Some of the replies on here went to an extreme with their theories. I find that to be off putting... Others of you made good points like general safety considerations... I think they are worth considering.... But *all I wanted to know is why do otherwise normal men fantasize about sex with a woman who is asleep/passed out*....


This is a fair question asked by a woman who clearly has a good relationship with her husband. I will try to off my insights to something that is not my kink.

I want to congratulate in talking with your H about this. If a man can't share his deepest darkest sexual secrets fantasies with his wife, who can he share them with? The typical answer from the marriage counselors I know is a prostitute. You are a good wife for being so non-judgemental about your husband's desires. Good for you.

Now, your H said,


> I know there are men who *drug women and rape them that is not what he is asking for*.... He wants me to consent and be loved and held as the sleeping pill takes effect.... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it *he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal* but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure.


If you listen to his words this is about a power exchange. He wants you to surrender yourself to his physical, emotional and sexual control. 

Most men get great satisfaction over sexually satisfying their wife. Often people get into habits over the years of how they have sex. For example if he does X, then you will do Y and he is next expected to do Z. If you are "physically there, but *asleep*" your pre-programed dance will be stopped. Whether you know it or not, your facial expressions, tone of voice, body language communicate huge amounts of information to your spouse. If you are "asleep" then he is no longer being "controlled" by your response. If he does X, he no longer needs you to signal Y and does not need to do Z, he can do A or B or W. He gets to arouse and pleasure you on his terms totally.

Again, my guess is that this is about a power exchange and it is about you performing an action (take the pill) that starts a chain of events that only he can control. 

You understand the emotional aspects of why he might like this, but not the sexual aspects. Sex is both an emotional and physical act. Our biggest sex organ is between a man's ears, not between his legs. If this emotionally appeals to him, then it will be sexual.

Good luck. One thing I would suggest in the "how to part" that you did not want advice on is to talk to him afterwards, should you do it. in the BDSM community (again, not my kink) "after care" is an important part of a scene. Those who do role playing can also adopt after care as a way of transitioning back from an emotionally intense scene to the real world. Talking and communicating are to often not given high enough priority when it comes to sex. After care can create an intense bonding moment between you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> This is a fair question asked by a woman who clearly has a good relationship with her husband. I will try to off my insights to something that is not my kink.
> 
> I want to congratulate in talking with your H about this. If a man can't share his deepest darkest sexual secrets fantasies with his wife, who can he share them with? The typical answer from the marriage counselors I know is a prostitute. You are a good wife for being so non-judgemental about your husband's desires. Good for you.
> 
> ...


If she is sound asleep (passed out), how is she going to experience pleasure and how is he going to get great satisfaction out of satisfying a passed out woman?

This is all about him and it ain't got nothin' to do with trust - it's about power. If she decides to go through with this, I highly recommend that she take delivery of any sleep aide from the pharmacy and keep it under wraps until she decides to take it.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Somnophilia (from Latin "somnus" = sleep and Greek φιλία, "-philia" = love), also known as sleeping princess syndrome and sleeping beauty syndrome, is a paraphilia in which an individual becomes sexually aroused by someone who is unconscious. Sexology scholar John Money stated that the condition has a high degree of correlation throughout history with incest and may progress to necrophilia. The Dictionary of Psychology categorized somnophilia within the classification of predatory paraphilias.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




There’s a lot of philias in this post. I am not sure this is good for my TAMnophilia.
What is the relationship between incest and necrophilia?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> If you listen to his words this is about a power exchange. He wants you to surrender yourself to his physical, emotional and sexual control.
> 
> Most men get great satisfaction over sexually satisfying their wife. Often people get into habits over the years of how they have sex. For example if he does X, then you will do Y and he is next expected to do Z. If you are "physically there, but *asleep*" your pre-programed dance will be stopped. Whether you know it or not, your facial expressions, tone of voice, body language communicate huge amounts of information to your spouse. If you are "asleep" then he is no longer being "controlled" by your response. If he does X, he no longer needs you to signal Y and does not need to do Z, he can do A or B or W. He gets to arouse and pleasure you on his terms totally.


uhhh errr ag I mean you totally lost me with that. How does any of this translate into him wanting to arouse and pleasure her? He wants his wife unconscious so he can make HER feel good? I'm really struggling and trying to work through your logic so bear with me. You're saying he wants her to be in a state of unconsciousness ("passed out") so she has no idea she is being sexually handled/fondled/penetrated/etc (aroused???) and will have no knowledge or memory of it afterward, and he will derive great satisfaction from sexually satisfying his wife. Please explain.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

BDSM was mentioned but I’m not sure this ‘molesting in your sleep’ thing is about that. If this somnopbilia is more related to incest (why?) and necrophilia (that’s more likely), then it’s a whole different animal.

Dammit. Now there’s another weird sexual thing that will need to be ticked off in our household...And I thought having sex in diapers was weird up to now...My wife will not be pleased with this...

To be honest, if you didn’t have to take drugs, I would say ‘go for it’. But there are always certain risks associated with taking drugs. And drugs that knock you out to such an extent, cannot be without serious risks to your health...Why can’t he just molest you a bit while you are actually sleeping, during the night. He can set an alarm and fondle you a bit or something.
You still haven’t mentioned what kind of drug are you supposed to be taking? You need to have an anesthesiologist with you to make it work...Otherwise you will be constantly waking up.




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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

StarFires said:


> I'm sure you've read me mention I used to work closely with funeral homes, so that's a bit of information I came across. But I never inquired as to how or when it occurs, such as why it occurs there in the funeral home.



You must be exceptionally attractive to give all these dead guys erections.



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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I have no problem with the fantasy itself. I don't get it, but then I don't get foot fetishes, or a wide range of other relatively common fantasies either. I have a personal hangup about drugging people so its extremely *squick* for me, but it doesn't matter what I think about it personally. 

As with any BDSM type fantasy there are safety issues and a few precautions:

Drug safety - you should agree on what type of drug, the dose and look up the expected effects first. Agree to no alcohol, or any additional drugging once the game starts. (this part of the safety aspect makes me uneasy)

Safeword so you can stop it at any point if you are not unconscious

Agreement beforehand on what activites you are or are not consenting to. This is *very* important. There may be things that seem reasonable to him but that you would absolutely not want. Specific sex acts? Other people? Photographs / videos to be posted? 

I like the camera idea - not because of the lack of trust, but because you may just want to know what happened. Maybe purely for sexual amusement. Maybe though you will suspect something (maybe baseless) and you want to know. 


I have difficulty with this because the drug thing squicks me very badly - but I think IF you completely trust him and if you *want* to do this, it can probably be done safely. 


But it still gives me nightmares about what could go wrong.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Beyond creepy!*


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## Spurdo (Jul 13, 2019)

Man chiming in here.

I don't share your husband's fantasy, but I think it has to do with complete and total submission. This could be classified as a rape fantasy I suppose, but I think the unconscious aspect may differentiate it somehow, not entirely sure. This might be analogous to waking your partner up with sex. I do this all the time with my girlfriend (fear not, I have affirmative consent to do so). I like having free reign to do what I want while essentially bypassing the mating ritual. It makes me feel very dominant being able to simply get right to it on a whim. I hope my perspective is helpful to you.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

A few people have asked if this is the same husband OP was divorcing just 7 months ago, and she hasn't answered. Is this is, the responses might be different. Go look at some of OPs posts about the relationship.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> BDSM was mentioned but I’m not sure this ‘molesting in your sleep’ thing is about that. If this somnopbilia is more related to incest (why?) and necrophilia (that’s more likely), then it’s a whole different animal.
> 
> Dammit. Now there’s another weird sexual thing that will need to be ticked off in our household...And I thought having sex in diapers was weird up to now...My wife will not be pleased with this...
> 
> ...


He could use a date-rape drug on her. Which is why I recommended she take control of that aspect if she decides to go through with this.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

This is definitly a "thing" that turns on some people. The cases of Bill Cosby and Darren Sharper come to mind. However, what they did was rape. I actually met Darren a few times....but I digress. I suppose some sexual fantasy stuff can be "rapey" at times. Both men had no shortage of willing partners....but preferred "lifeless" ones. They clearly had a strong desire to be intimate with a passed out a woman, because they both did it repeatedly. I can't say I have ever done it....but....I have dated more than one person that was ok with at least the notion of it. After a long night of drinking and your girlfriend passes out, the next morning they ask if you had sex and you are like, no. And they reply well it would have been ok if you took advantage anyway. Apparently its something they were more than ok with when in that state...but obviously only with their boyfriend.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> He could use a date-rape drug on her. Which is why I recommended she take control of that aspect if she decides to go through with this.


Date rape drugs are scary stuff. I know a guy...lets just call him DeformedHubby....he told me he would never try GHB which is the current date rape drug (but also a popular party drug) of choice because its VERY easy to overdose on it. Especially with alcohol involved. If anyone on TAM ever has these types of questions about drugs I can ask DeformedHubby  For the record I swear ReformedHubby and DeformedHubby are two different people 0.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I actually met Darren a few times...



Were you his wingman?  Sorry, couldn’t help myself...



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> For the record I swear ReformedHubby and DeformedHubby are two different people 0.



That’s what we thought about Ed Norton in Fight Club as well and look how that turned out...

Can you get those vitamins for dating as a prescription from you doc? I mean what is the common use for it? (Surgeries?)



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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> Were you his wingman?  Sorry, couldn’t help myself...
> 
> LoL, No! Your sense of humor is so dark. The reality is I actually felt sorry for his parents.
> 
> ...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> Apparently its something they were more than ok with when in that state...but obviously only with their boyfriend.



Wait...so there are women that are into it too? Why? 
To be fair, my wife sometimes likes pretending she is dead..and it works for me too. But I don’t think it’s the same as being passed out...



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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> That’s what we thought about Ed Norton in Fight Club as well and look how that turned out...
> 
> Can you get those vitamins for dating as a prescription from you doc? I mean what is the common use for it? (Surgeries?)
> 
> ...


Its a clear liquid that people can actually make if they have the ingredients. DeformedHubby has been offered it, but always declined. Just the right amount (and we are talking maybe a a few drops to a bottle cap size) supposedly makes it a good party drug, a bit more and you are awake but blacked out, if you go past that it just flat out knocks you out. I am sure there are all kinds of doctor prescribed pills out there...but...I think most creeps are using GHB or crushed up Benzos (xanax) to spike drinks. I could be wrong...I am not a creep after all.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> Wait...so there are women that are into it too? Why?
> To be fair, my wife sometimes likes pretending she is dead..and it works for me too. But I don’t think it’s the same as being passed out...
> 
> 
> ...


I wouldn't say they were into it, more like, they wouldn't have cared if something happened with someone they trust when in that state.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I wouldn't say they were into it, more like, they wouldn't have cared if something happened with someone they trust when in that state.



It just seems weird that they seemed surprised that they weren’t raped...
I wonder what it says about their general dating experience...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, please, love yourself enough and respect yourself enough to not turn yourself into a living blow-up doll to appease a guy's sexual fantasies.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Have to clearly separate "rapey" and "rape". 

What concerns me about this fantasy is that it may be impossible to withdraw consent so it needs to be spelled out VERY clearly in advance. Not just a trust problem, but a communication problem. "I though it was OK to stream it live on the internet because I didn't show your face".

I have no problem with normal "rape play" where there is a way for the victim to safeword out. All good fun between consenting adults. 





ReformedHubby said:


> This is definitly a "thing" that turns on some people. The cases of Bill Cosby and Darren Sharper come to mind. However, what they did was rape. I actually met Darren a few times....but I digress. I suppose some sexual fantasy stuff can be "rapey" at times. Both men had no shortage of willing partners....but preferred "lifeless" ones. They clearly had a strong desire to be intimate with a passed out a woman, because they both did it repeatedly. I can't say I have ever done it....but....I have dated more than one person that was ok with at least the notion of it. After a long night of drinking and your girlfriend passes out, the next morning they ask if you had sex and you are like, no. And they reply well it would have been ok if you took advantage anyway. Apparently its something they were more than ok with when in that state...but obviously only with their boyfriend.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> It just seems weird that they seemed surprised that they weren’t raped...
> I wonder what it says about their general dating experience...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You...know I wondered the same thing...I remember thinking how in the world could that be ok? It had zero appeal to me...and it did make me wonder what type of neanderthals they were with before me. Don't have any answers really. I never really explored the whys. I don't think they considered it rape if it was me though. These were nights where both parties were very...very intoxicated. I can only assume they were ok with it on nights like that maybe? I really don't know....


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

uhtred said:


> Have to clearly separate "rapey" and "rape".
> 
> What concerns me about this fantasy is that it may be impossible to withdraw consent so it needs to be spelled out VERY clearly in advance. Not just a trust problem, but a communication problem. "I though it was OK to stream it live on the internet because I didn't show your face".
> 
> I have no problem with normal "rape play" where there is a way for the victim to safeword out. All good fun between consenting adults.



Agreed...I guess its a good thing the OP's husband shared the fantasy...but honestly..it might be something best reserved for role play. Instead of introducing the substance element to it.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Ok... This is NOT the abusive man I divorce last October. This is a wonderfully caring man who always communicates his love and respect to me. He is an upstanding citizen and is humble and kind.not a perfect person but a good person.. My Ex-husband was cruel all the time from about 2 months into our marriage. This new husband and I are very open with eachother. We truly want a healthy marriage... In the end we decided that since I could not enjoy the fantasy he had we shouldn't do it... Because it was so one sided. It was a very involved discussion but so worth it! Yes, he liked the idea of total control.... But it is not something that he needs.... It means the world to me that he shared this because now I understand some of his fears and intimate longings. 

Thank you to those of you who truly wanted to help me understand.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

So I asked my wife if she would take the drug for me...She said that she’d probably take any drug just to get some sleep and rest from the kids. “But what about the whole rape business that I’m supposed to be doing to you while you are out of it?” She said that as long as she doesn’t remember anything afterwards, she doesn’t mind having sex with me...

Either she was I credibly tired or incredibly honest today. 

I think I’m going to try my luck at the morgue instead...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> Ok... This is NOT the abusive man I divorce last October. This is a wonderfully caring man who always communicates his love and respect to me. He is an upstanding citizen and is humble and kind.not a perfect person but a good person.. My Ex-husband was cruel all the time from about 2 months into our marriage. This new husband and I are very open with eachother. We truly want a healthy marriage... In the end we decided that since I could not enjoy the fantasy he had we shouldn't do it... Because it was so one sided. It was a very involved discussion but so worth it! Yes, he liked the idea of total control.... But it is not something that he needs.... It means the world to me that he shared this because now I understand some of his fears and intimate longings.
> 
> Thank you to those of you who truly wanted to help me understand.




Glad to hear that it resolved itself!

Sleep tight   


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'd think a pretend version of this could work. At least some. 

To me there are a lot of fantasies that might not work well as originally intended, but can be modified in a way that makes them safe and fun 




ReformedHubby said:


> Agreed...I guess its a good thing the OP's husband shared the fantasy...but honestly..it might be something best reserved for role play. Instead of introducing the substance element to it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Can you do a pretend version where you pretend to be passed out / unconscious? Not quite the real thing but a lot easier to pull of safely. 



Robinskisses said:


> Ok... This is NOT the abusive man I divorce last October. This is a wonderfully caring man who always communicates his love and respect to me. He is an upstanding citizen and is humble and kind.not a perfect person but a good person.. My Ex-husband was cruel all the time from about 2 months into our marriage. This new husband and I are very open with eachother. We truly want a healthy marriage... In the end we decided that since I could not enjoy the fantasy he had we shouldn't do it... Because it was so one sided. It was a very involved discussion but so worth it! Yes, he liked the idea of total control.... But it is not something that he needs.... It means the world to me that he shared this because now I understand some of his fears and intimate longings.
> 
> Thank you to those of you who truly wanted to help me understand.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

When first married, my wife told me if I felt the urge for sex and she was asleep, to just start without her and she would catch up. I took her at her word and we had some amazing sex. It was an amazing turn on for me to hear my wife moan my name while in that place between asleep and fully awake.

But I cannot imagine a scenario where she never wakes up.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

There was a time about 10 years ago lasting for about a year that I doubt it mattered if my wife was asleep or awake as her activity level in said event would have been the same LOL!!!! Good thing I can look back and laugh now...cause I wasn't then!!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Robinskisses said:


> My husband has a fantasy where he wants to give me a sleeping pill and then have sex with my body while I am asleep. I am not opposed to letting him have his fantasy, he is very loving and has proven himself to be respectful and a man of good character...I asked him if he wanted to try something that he is afraid to tell me about and he said no he just wants to have sex with "me"(quotation marks because I won't actually be there, only my body) while I am asleep. But I am having a hard time understanding why it is a turn on for him. It seems to me that without my participation it is just like masturbation. Can any one help me understand what the turn on is? I am not asking for advise about whether or not to do it.... I just want to understand this fantasy.... I know there are men who drug women and rape them that is not what he is asking for.... He wants me to consent and be loved and held as the sleeping pill takes effect.... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure. Please give me a few perspectives.


First - I've taken sleeping pills for insomnia. Unless you take enough to be dangerous, it's very unlikely you'll actually stay asleep through sex. It's not like the render you unconscious.

Second - I don't know if there is anything to worry about as to why he has this fantasy, but your post reminded me of a "Dear Abby" type advice column letter I read once where a woman had gotten married and had been so impressed with her intended's restraint regarding sex before the wedding. After marriage he started asking her to lie super still during sex. THEN it escalated to where he wanted her to take an ice bath first. Apparently there's an actual perversion where some people are turned on by having sex with a dead body and that was his actual issue. If your husband gets turned on when you're moving around it's probably not the case, but it is definitely an unusual request.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I would advise not to attempt to render yourself unconscious for any reason.

It is inherently dangerous even when necessary and when you have medical professionals monitoring your vitals.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

AmbitiousOvercomer said:


> This request is a serious red flag! DO NOT indulge this fantasy! I am worried about what his intentions might really be and if you are "practice" for something more sinister. Call me paranoid and outrageous if you like but many serial killers have been known to practice some of their techniques on their significant others first. These personality types are very charismatic and charming, you might think this request is innocent but I fear there is more to the story.


This.

On the surface, all men have fantasies that are off balance. But giving in to this one can lead to darker things. Or exposing a side of him you don't want to come out. I think I'd pass on it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

blazer prophet said:


> AmbitiousOvercomer said:
> 
> 
> > This request is a serious red flag! DO NOT indulge this fantasy! I am worried about what his intentions might really be and if you are "practice" for something more sinister. Call me paranoid and outrageous if you like but many serial killers have been known to practice some of their techniques on their significant others first. These personality types are very charismatic and charming, you might think this request is innocent but I fear there is more to the story.
> ...


Curious.

If your wife had this fantasy, would you take a sleeping pill? Or would you assume she has darker intentions and believe she may have other people rape you in your sleep and put video of it on the internet?

While I agree that dark fantasies can be a problem, I don’t know why it is assumed by others it will go that way. 

This is why I (and I’m sure millions of others) can’t share some of my darker fantasies. Because others have perverted them in ways that I haven’t so if I share them, their weirdness is projected on me.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I think it’s one thing to share one’s own fantasy with others while it is quite different if someone comes here and asks for advice regarding THEIR PARTNER’s fantasy.
It seems normal to warn them of things they may not be aware of or point out potential pitfalls/dangers.
I don’t think it has anything to do with shaming.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Curious.
> 
> If your wife had this fantasy, would you take a sleeping pill? Or would you assume she has darker intentions and believe she may have other people rape you in your sleep and put video of it on the internet?
> 
> ...


Little late to this party, but here it goes.

Im getting a little disconnect from OP and many posters on this thread about what this fantasy actually is.

Ambien type sleeping pill makes her a little woozy and possibly inebriated in some way?

or

College girl drank WAY too much passed out cold/Bill Cosby time.

For me the devil is in the details. And thus the WHY for each scenario matter greatly.

For the first? Ok, cool. I can see that. As you (i believe it was you FW) stated earlier in the thread you and your Ex tried that on each other. I can totally see that. Makes sense to me. The why seems more of a lowering of inhibitions and curiosity of what it might feel like, seem like, how I'd remember it.

The second? I cant think of any positive whys for that scenario.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

InMyPrime said:


> So I asked my wife if she would take the drug for me...She said that she’d probably take any drug just to get some sleep and rest from the kids. “But what about the whole rape business that I’m supposed to be doing to you while you are out of it?” *She said that as long as she doesn’t remember anything afterwards, she doesn’t mind having sex with me..*.
> 
> Either she was I credibly tired or incredibly honest today.
> 
> I think I’m going to try my luck at the morgue instead...



LOL....


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> For me the devil is in the details. And thus the WHY for each scenario matter greatly.


I agree. I think if his fetish is to do the 'molesting a sleeping person' then her pretending to sleep should be fine, without any drugs.

If there's a wish to experiment with drugs, it's a whole other thing as the husband would actually be unnecessarily causing harm to her body by asking her to take drugs. Anyway, i think they solved it.
I am still curious why it has got anything to do with incest. Anybody knows?


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

The thing I was REALLY trying to figure out was how the heck a limp body could be a turn on.... It seems like it would be very boring to me.... Since I can't understand AND would derive no pleasure from it, we have called it off for now. Which honestly disapoints me. But that is ok. 🙂


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> The thing I was REALLY trying to figure out was how the heck a limp body could be a turn on.... It seems like it would be very boring to me.... Since I can't understand AND would derive no pleasure from it, we have called it off for now. Which honestly disapoints me. But that is ok. 🙂


Which part are you disappointed about? That you would derive no pleasure, or that he won't drug you and called it off? Or about not understanding where his pleasure would come from? I am a bit confused.
Why don't you just pretend to be asleep so that both (or all 5 of you lol) can derive some kind of pleasure from it? :scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Robinskisses said:


> The thing I was REALLY trying to figure out was how the heck a limp body could be a turn on.... It seems like it would be very boring to me.... Since I can't understand AND would derive no pleasure from it, we have called it off for now. Which honestly disapoints me. But that is ok. 🙂


The reason that a limp body is a turn on to some is that for some people having total control over another person and being able to do whatever they want to them is a turn on. It's a type of power that translates to sexual arousal.

The article that I posted earlier says that people who engage in this kind of activity often end up engaging in child molestation or necrophilia. Why? Because both are the ultimate expression of having complete control over another person.

This does not mean that every person who tries out the fantasy will end up that way as a lot of people toy around with different sexual fantasies without developing a need to get deeper and deeper into that fantasy.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Robinskisses said:


> Ok... This is NOT the abusive man I divorce last October.




That's an awfully quick remarriage.


The turn-on is because he wants to do stuff to you that he knows you wouldn't agree to if you were awake.


Anyway, hope it all works out for you.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Robinskisses said:
> 
> 
> > Ok... This is NOT the abusive man I divorce last October.
> ...


Yep. Fast remarriage. That isn't pertinent to this discussion. Thank you for your observation🙄


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Ok... I am disappointed that I don't understand, that I can't be an active participant in the fantasy, and that we are not going to do it... Although I wasn't really into it, I truly wanted to accommodate him... He is a very attentive lover and a great husband who lives life to the fullest and treats me very well ... I wanted to give him the gift of his fantasy... But for the time being, we aren't going to try it. It's a bit of a bummer to have to set aside something that might be a treasured sexual memory for him... But it is the wisest choice for now. 

By the way, we are both very open about our thoughts in regards to sex... And we both have weird fantasies... One of mine was to make love in a very very messy house, so on Valentines day he made a huge mess in my bedroom and then absolutely seduced me as though we were in a fancy hotel... So romantic!!...
I think the turn on for that fantasy was just that I am ALWAYS trying to keep my house looking perfect ... And failing miserably... So to have him just create the mess for that night and then see only me in it was like heaven! The best Valentine's Day gift I have ever gotten!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> By the way, we are both very open about our thoughts in regards to sex... And we both have weird fantasies... One of mine was to make love in a very very messy house, so on Valentines day he made a huge mess in my bedroom and then absolutely seduced me as though we were in a fancy hotel... So romantic!!...


Who cleaned up afterwards? See, every fantasy has consequences...


My wife’s wildest sexual fantasy involved me cleaning up the house, unloading the dishwasher and hanging up all the washing.
I made it come true: we have a very good cleaner now.




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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

Bahahaha!! Good job getting the cleaner!

We shared the clean up... It was lot's of fun to do together... 😉


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

StarFires said:


> uhhh errr ag I mean you totally lost me with that. How does any of this translate into him wanting to arouse and pleasure her? He wants his wife unconscious so he can make HER feel good? I'm really struggling and trying to work through your logic so bear with me. You're saying he wants her to be in a state of unconsciousness ("passed out") so she has no idea she is being sexually handled/fondled/penetrated/etc (aroused???) and will have no knowledge or memory of it afterward, and he will derive great satisfaction from sexually satisfying his wife. Please explain.


As several have explained most sleeping pills aid in sleep they don't render you into a coma, otherwise you would be incapable of being awaken in the event of a fire or other emergency.

Have you ever heard of the term "wet dream?" Sexual arousal can occur from dreams or subconscious factors as well as changes in hormone levels. You don't have to be totally awake. Many use subliminal messages during sleep to change behaviors, so even if asleep, one can still be communicated with. Some couples even whisper their love for their partner after their partner has fallen asleep as an ultimate subliminal message.

So someone can be aroused or at least lovingly communicated with in a not entirely awake status. 

Yes, I think the key to your question has to do with what is meant by passed out. My interpretation is probably different than yours.

Now changing the topic slightly.

Again, she asked for insights into the attraction by her spouse. This is not my kink, but it is that of someone she cares about. In talking to her, her husband stated his fantasy and his reasons. 


> ... When I asked my husband about why he wants to do it he said it's kind of about having me trust him with complete power over my physical body and I understand the emotional appeal but I cannot grasp the sexual appeal maybe the emotional appeal is so strong that it's a turn on I'm not sure.


I tried to suggest some alternate (and multiple) theories of what he might gain sexually, but that if his mind views it as sexual, then he will probably find it sexual.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> I agree. I think if his fetish is to do the 'molesting a sleeping person' then her pretending to sleep should be fine, without any drugs.
> 
> If there's a wish to experiment with drugs, it's a whole other thing as the husband would actually be unnecessarily causing harm to her body by asking her to take drugs. Anyway, i think they solved it.
> *I am still curious why it has got anything to do with incest. Anybody knows?*




Opportunity.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> [/B]
> 
> 
> 
> Opportunity.



I guess. Didn’t think of it this way. Men are such horn dogs. I disgust myself. If I was God I would have designed it all differently and make women want to molest me in my sleep instead...
I mean are women always aware that whenever they talk to men (any men), there is this constant undercurrent of dirty thoughts? It just won’t shut up? (Not about incest, I’m personally not into it..)

Don’t know if I told the story but once while we were still students, we must have been going through a dry spell. I was lying wide awake at night, ridiculously horny while my wife (not married then) was lying next to me, breathing and sleeping in an extremely provocative manner..I remember lifting up the cover and smelling her thigh. There was no molesting (yet), but it woke her up and she started screaming as if someone was stabbing her...she woke up the whole house. We had to explain that she had a nightmare. And the monster she was dreaming about left a wet & sticky patch on her thigh...Like in ghost busters.  


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

It is a very common fantasy and I know many guys who would like to do it. Probably every guy on here would love to do it, but will be afraid to admit it. Your husband most likely isn't creepy by asking you this. This won't be a popular post, but it's simple truth. You are correct in that there are many porn videos dedicated to exactly this, a whole genre actually. The reason behind this fantasy is that your husband SOMETIMES has thoughts (fantasies probably about you) that he cannot get into while your conscious. It's very hard to think about those fantasies while you are awake and active during sex. The fantasies most likely aren't bad per se, but bad enough where he thinks you might think he's weird for having them. The truth is many of us have dirty fantasies that we can't share with our spouses and that is okay as long as they don't get out of hand.

I asked my wife the same thing, except wanted her to give me starfish sex for once instead of sleeping (i'm not as bold as your husband). It didn't work at all so won't ask that again. It's kind of the same thing as your husband wanting to blindfold you.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is porn for every fantasy and fetish you can imagine, but that doesn't mean that those fantasies are common. 

Nothing wrong with an uncommon fantasy except that many people will not want to do it. 

Sex with an unconscious partner is not a very common fantasy as far as I can tell. 




Mybabysgotit said:


> It is a very common fantasy and I know many guys who would like to do it. Probably every guy on here would love to do it, but will be afraid to admit it. Your husband most likely isn't creepy by asking you this. This won't be a popular post, but it's simple truth. You are correct in that there are many porn videos dedicated to exactly this, a whole genre actually. The reason behind this fantasy is that your husband SOMETIMES has thoughts (fantasies probably about you) that he cannot get into while your conscious. It's very hard to think about those fantasies while you are awake and active during sex. The fantasies most likely aren't bad per se, but bad enough where he thinks you might think he's weird for having them. The truth is many of us have dirty fantasies that we can't share with our spouses and that is okay as long as they don't get out of hand.
> 
> I asked my wife the same thing, except wanted her to give me starfish sex for once instead of sleeping (i'm not as bold as your husband). It didn't work at all so won't ask that again. It's kind of the same thing as your husband wanting to blindfold you.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

uhtred said:


> There is porn for every fantasy and fetish you can imagine, but that doesn't mean that those fantasies are common.
> 
> Nothing wrong with an uncommon fantasy except that many people will not want to do it.
> 
> *Sex with an unconscious partner is not a very common fantasy as far as I can tell*.


Definitely not common in my circle of friends...I think the number one fantasy is probably adding another woman to the mix. Playing with someone who is laying there is boring to me. But...there are kinks that some people don't feel comfortable admitting to. I doubt any guy would admit to a friend..."I really like being pegged by my wife"...so maybe more guys have the "sleeping beauty" fantasy then admit it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Mybabysgotit said:


> It is a very common fantasy and I know many guys who would like to do it. Probably every guy on here would love to do it, but will be afraid to admit it. Your husband most likely isn't creepy by asking you this. This won't be a popular post, but it's simple truth. You are correct in that there are many porn videos dedicated to exactly this, a whole genre actually. The reason behind this fantasy is that your husband SOMETIMES has thoughts (fantasies probably about you) that he cannot get into while your conscious. It's very hard to think about those fantasies while you are awake and active during sex. The fantasies most likely aren't bad per se, but bad enough where he thinks you might think he's weird for having them. The truth is many of us have dirty fantasies that we can't share with our spouses and that is okay as long as they don't get out of hand.
> 
> I asked my wife the same thing, *except wanted her to give me starfish sex *for once instead of sleeping (i'm not as bold as your husband). It didn't work at all so won't ask that again. It's kind of the same thing as your husband wanting to blindfold you.


This will go down in the annals of TAM as one of the all-time WTFs.

You will be personally responsible for 90% of TAM men scratching their heads bald:scratchhead: contemplating this (2% of the men are already bald and 8% are so apathetic that all they can manage to squeak out is "meh").

Whenever a man complains about starfish sex, your quote will be dragged out to show that some men really want this.

_Note: Percentages were pulled out of thin air so no need to get huffy-puffy or demand a link to a source._


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> _Note: Percentages were pulled out of thin air so no need to get huffy-puffy or demand a link to a source._


I demand a source!!! :rofl: Yeah...the more I think about this thread I am starting to remember some things that me and my ex did via role play that would definitely be considered weird....can't believe I forgot. Color Purple role play???? Who does that... It was her idea by the way. Yeah...taking that to the grave. Ughhhh...just admitted it, can't.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> This will go down in the annals of TAM as one of the all-time WTFs.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You mean you pulled the percentages out of thin hair? 


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I demand a source!!! :rofl: Yeah...the more I think about this thread I am starting to remember some things that me and my ex did via role play that would definitely be considered weird....can't believe I forgot. Color Purple role play???? Who does that... It was her idea by the way. Yeah...taking that to the grave. Ughhhh...just admitted it, can't.


I'm not even going to ask which role you played.>


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I demand a source!!! :rofl: Yeah...the more I think about this thread I am starting to remember some things that me and my ex did via role play that would definitely be considered weird....can't believe I forgot. Color Purple role play???? Who does that... It was her idea by the way. Yeah...taking that to the grave. Ughhhh...just admitted it, can't.


We role played doctor (me) and patient (her). It was going great until I told her she needed to lose some weight. 

On topic, it's important to set boundaries, with or without sleeping pills.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> On topic, it's important to set boundaries, with or without sleeping pills.



How is she going to know he's respected the boundaries if she is asleep?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

So I'm letting my male imagination run with this. My first thought is it had to be about control, ravinging a helpless victim. Thinking further maybe it's about insecurities, maybe there are things your husband wants to try but is afraid to ask, like anal or having a "friend" watch or participate. Maybe he lost a bet and you are the prize so his buddy gets to have sex with you.

Maybe you talk to much and he just wants to have some nice peaceful sex. 
Yep, that's what I'm going with. lol


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> Definitely not common in my circle of friends...I think the number one fantasy is probably adding another woman to the mix. Playing with someone who is laying there is boring to me. But...there are kinks that some people don't feel comfortable admitting to. I doubt any guy would admit to a friend..."I really like being pegged by my wife"...so maybe more guys have the "sleeping beauty" fantasy then admit it.



Yes, another woman or three would also probably be no1 thing for me to do before the time’s up. Why not. The more the merrier. It’s important that everyone enjoys themselves...

Since there wouldn’t be much feedback from a sleeping person, I’m not sure it’s something I’d like or can get my head around.
Maybe if it was a stranger? It might be exciting because it’s forbidden.



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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> Yes, another woman or three would also probably be no1 thing for me to do before the time’s up. Why not. The more the merrier. It’s important that everyone enjoys themselves...
> 
> Since there wouldn’t be much feedback from a sleeping person, I’m not sure it’s something I’d like or can get my head around.
> Maybe if it was a stranger? It might be exciting because it’s forbidden.
> ...


A sleeping stranger? I think that's definitely called rape. Your best bet is to head to the morgue like you mentioned earlier.

Have you run the threesome idea by your wife? I have a feeling that one stink eye from her would have you cowering.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Maybe he wants to see the difference!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> A sleeping stranger? I think that's definitely called rape. Your best bet is to head to the morgue like you mentioned earlier.
> 
> 
> 
> Have you run the threesome idea by your wife? I have a feeling that one stink eye from her would have you cowering.




Actually she might do a threesome given the right circumstances and person. We spoke about it. She says she can’t know anyone that it would be with.
So it’s not completely out of the question....
However I might not be estimating correctly how good/bad it would feel IRL for myself or her. Everything always feels much nicer in one’s imagination.

Molesting a sleeping stranger...yeah, I guess it wouldn’t really work outside of one’s imagination..As a teenage kid, I used to imagine I had this remote control that I could use to pause situations and people (or the world) and then do to them whatever I liked....
A rapist in the making 





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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> And.. I am not interested in your judgements about him... This is a common fantasy... The amount of porn with this as the theme is massive.... I am only asking why men like this fantasy...


No its not a common fantasy, and its very troubling. There is no way that I would ever agree to this and a normal man wouldn't even think of it.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

He can get the same thing from a blow up doll. Obviously your participation isn't wanted. He is bull****ting you on the "proving you trust him" thing. 

You keep asking for other men to explain this "fantasy" ....why are you so sure they have this same fantasy? Is that what you find upsetting? 

No "judgments" from me....just true concern. You do what you want but if there is an alarm bell going off in the back of your mind, please heed it instead of attempting to "normalize" his behavior, for your sake.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'm assuming he was talking about fantasy, not actually raping a sleeping stranger. 





Blondilocks said:


> A sleeping stranger? I think that's definitely called rape. Your best bet is to head to the morgue like you mentioned earlier.
> 
> Have you run the threesome idea by your wife? I have a feeling that one stink eye from her would have you cowering.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

InMyPrime said:


> As a teenage kid, I used to imagine I had this remote control that I could use to pause situations and people (or the world) and then do to them whatever I liked....
> A rapist in the making


I used to imagine I had a rewind remote. So I could do whatever I wanted -- like experience the pure joy of ramming my car into an a-hole driver -- but be able to undo it so there were no real consequences for anyone. Well, I wouldn't mind if the driver's subconscious kept some memory of the event and years of therapy were needed due to this odd, unsettling feeling he couldn't shake.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Robinskisses said:


> The thing I was REALLY trying to figure out was how the heck a limp body could be a turn on.... It seems like it would be very boring to me.... Since I can't understand AND would derive no pleasure from it, we have called it off for now. Which honestly disapoints me. But that is ok. 🙂


I know your DH said it was the trust you'd put in him in giving him complete control, but I wonder if part of it MIGHT also have to do with boredom. If you're asleep he could take his sweet time exploring your beautiful body, doing whatever, whenever. Whereas if you're awake, you'd likely get bored if he just wanted to stare at and fondle your breasts for half an hour...


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

One possibility is that it has to do with impregnating women. Like those fertility doctors who secretly used their own sperm. If she’s knocked out, she can’t resist.

Another is Cosbyesque: You can have any woman you want if you can drug her.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> He isn't a mortician is he?


Hahahahahaha!!! Internet gold!:rofl:


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I was thinking after the laughing fit Blondie gave me, that alot of guys actually HAVE to have sex with their non-particpant spouses for years! lol

Ya know, the ole' "one and done".....Or the reading the cell phone while hubby plays away. I guess "sleep" will just have to be added to the repertoire. 


For a long time, when my relationship was such a mess. Duty sex or pity sex just was such a turn off. And like OP stated in the beginning, its like masturbation.

Crap, I can do that on my own time.... sheesh.


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## Robinskisses (Oct 29, 2018)

WorkingWife said:


> Robinskisses said:
> 
> 
> > The thing I was REALLY trying to figure out was how the heck a limp body could be a turn on.... It seems like it would be very boring to me.... Since I can't understand AND would derive no pleasure from it, we have called it off for now. Which honestly disapoints me. But that is ok. 🙂
> ...


This is the best reply yet..... Thank you for assuming that he has a desire to revel in my body.... For assuming that his fantasy is built around his interest in what attracts him to me... Rather than assuming that he has some sinister plan.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Glad you found what you were looking for.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> Ok... This is NOT the abusive man I divorce last October. This is a wonderfully caring man who always communicates his love and respect to me. He is an upstanding citizen and is humble and kind.not a perfect person but a good person.. My Ex-husband was cruel all the time from about 2 months into our marriage. This new husband and I are very open with eachother. We truly want a healthy marriage... In the end we decided that since I could not enjoy the fantasy he had we shouldn't do it... Because it was so one sided. It was a very involved discussion but so worth it! Yes, he liked the idea of total control.... But it is not something that he needs.... It means the world to me that he shared this because now I understand some of his fears and intimate longings.
> 
> Thank you to those of you who truly wanted to help me understand.


Dayuuuum! You filed for divorce the end of *October 2018* and were officially separated in November 2018. 

November 2018 was only 9 months ago!!!! So in the span of 9 short months, your divorce went through, you grieved the end of your marriage, you met a new guy, you started a relationship with said new guy, you became engaged to the new guy, and then you MARRIED this new guy - *all literally within 9 months.*

Talk about living your life in fast-forward! :grin2:

Just a word to the wise - this ain't the LAST time he'll hit you up for this fantasy. Just so you know.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Robinskisses said:


> This is the best reply yet..... Thank you for assuming that he has a desire to revel in my body.... For assuming that his fantasy is built around his interest in what attracts him to me... Rather than assuming that he has some sinister plan.


 Yeah....I think I'm still going with the control thing, not the "he wants to adore me for hours" thing. :grin2:

Like Dexter, this guy has a darkness inside him. You married him literally months after your divorce and still have a lot to learn about him.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Having a woman assume you have the darkest intentions possible, could be a fantasy in its own right! 
“Darling, I never knew I was such a disgusting dirty pervert, until I met you. You showed me how to be a REAL man!”


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yeah....I think I'm still going with the control thing, not the "he wants to adore me for hours" thing. :grin2:
> 
> *Like Dexter*, this guy has a darkness inside him. You married him literally months after your divorce and still have a lot to learn about him.


Thats the next fantasy ask. Strapped to a table naked with yards and yards of cellophane.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Middle of Everything said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah....I think I'm still going with the control thing, not the "he wants to adore me for hours" thing. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>
> ...


No ask. That’s what she’ll see when she wakes up.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

One thing I'm concerned about is that the OP only seems to accept positive reasons. Certainly there are positive reasons he could want this, but there are also some seriously negative ones. None of us know the H well enough to make a judgement call as to his true intentions. 

It would be like if I said I wanted to hear all the positive reasons my W gets a hotel room with a coworker on Friday afternoons. Certainly one positive reason could be that they need a quiet place so they can complete any work that didn't get done during the week, but chances are that's not the case. If I only accept positive reasons, then I'm very likely to overlook red flags and warning signs that they are up to no good.

With only knowing her H for a relatively short time, it is way too soon to even be considering something like this. There are people in multi-decade marriages who are surprised to find out their spouse has some dark side (like cheating for multiple years).


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Robinskisses said:


> Yep. Fast remarriage. *That isn't pertinent to this discussion.* Thank you for your observation🙄




It's pertinent that you got remarried whiz bang quickly after your divorce. It's called the rebound. And has a lot to do with the fact that you don't know this guy very well yet.


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