# I have hung in there this long...



## stilltrying99 (Feb 22, 2009)

Looking for advice... We will be married 10 years in Sept. We have 2 children (7 & 4 years old). 3 1/2 years ago my husband had an affair- moved out to live with the other women- it lasted 5 months. We went through therapy... and finally he said good-bye to her and came home. He is a wonderful father, loves our kids and just enjoys being with them- completely devoted father. Doesn't miss an event. With me, he is a good friend. After the affair, he has become high strong, gets upset very easily, doesn't want to socialize, just wants to stay at home with the family. ITs wonderful that he wants to be home with us, but just going anywhere he complains. Our sex life- last time 2 years ago. I feel he doesn't notice me, and I don't know what to do. I'm now the one feeling that I want the attention from any male figure outside the marriage. It just feels good to get a compliment from someone else. I worked so hard to save my family, how is it that I am the one thinking of saying goodbye. How do I fix my thoughts. I'd love to keep my family together. We are happy at home, hanging out. Should I want more?


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It sounds like he is only there until the kids gt out of the house. Or that he is afraid of being temped again. Ask him why the change.

draconis


----------



## trinie (Feb 23, 2009)

stilltrying99 said:


> Looking for advice... We will be married 10 years in Sept. We have 2 children (7 & 4 years old). 3 1/2 years ago my husband had an affair- moved out to live with the other women- it lasted 5 months. We went through therapy... and finally he said good-bye to her and came home. He is a wonderful father, loves our kids and just enjoys being with them- completely devoted father. Doesn't miss an event. With me, he is a good friend. After the affair, he has become high strong, gets upset very easily, doesn't want to socialize, just wants to stay at home with the family. ITs wonderful that he wants to be home with us, but just going anywhere he complains. Our sex life- last time 2 years ago. I feel he doesn't notice me, and I don't know what to do. I'm now the one feeling that I want the attention from any male figure outside the marriage. It just feels good to get a compliment from someone else. I worked so hard to save my family, how is it that I am the one thinking of saying goodbye. How do I fix my thoughts. I'd love to keep my family together. We are happy at home, hanging out. Should I want more?


I think that an affair does lasting damage to a marraige but the fact that your husband took his affair to living with his mistress shows that he is more commit to you because of your kids, you deserve to be happy and feel loved and loathed after, your husband thinks he is doing the right thing by coming home to you and the kids but in reality he could easily be swayed again.. People fall in and out of love all the time, if ye where to seperate you could both move on and given time ye would still be able to raise your kids together.. The last thing you want to happen is when your 2 kids have moved off to college you suddenly realise that you have spent your life with the wrong person, cos although you might not realise it now them kids are keeping you occupied when they dont need you as much in the future you will see how unhappy you actually are..


----------



## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

maybe go back to counselling?


----------



## stilltrying99 (Feb 22, 2009)

Thank you for listening. I also didn't mention that when my husband had the affair that he is truly sorry about (and I believe him) he got an STD from her. That is also the reason of our sexless marriage. In the past when ever I got the courage to attempt to be close to him, he couldn't be with me because he continuously gets an outbreak. Which brings us mentally back to the affair. How can we get over the affair when we will always have signs/memories of the affair?


----------



## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

again, counseling

btw--i dont think i could get over an affair especially if there was an STD.


----------



## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

I have to agree...reading this the first thing I thought is that he avoids going out to not tempt himself. If that is the case, he should be commended but also, he clearly has a bad problem - that he's so tempted just from being around people.
First, you both need counceling. I commend you for trying again, but there are so many issues here that need to be addressed...it has to be continuous counceling, not just a few times. It may take quite a while to get through all of it, but going on like this is not healthy for either of you.
Date nights would be another good idea. Force yourself, even if its renting a movie and spending time together after the kids go to bed....


----------

