# Gifts Given Again



## Kassi (11 mo ago)

I just need somewhere to share this thought from my journal. Has anyone else had this reaction while separating stuff out during a divorce?

Gifts Given Again​The gifts are the hardest. Giving you the gifts again that I have first gave years ago. Watching you drive away with those gifts. Gifts first given in bright paper and happy ribbons, now brown boxes in the bed of your truck. Gifts for your hobbies, your interests, your passions. Gifts that cost me more money than I should have spent at a the time. I saved money, I researched, I learned, and I stretched my dollars as far as I could. I wanted so much to give to you the best I could give. I remember the joy it brought me to give you the best I could give.

Some gifts cost too much, some gifts were hard to find, and some gifts were acts of love. All were dear, dearly bought, and dearly given.

Why did I lose my ability to give you gifts freely? Why did I feel that I owed you the best of me? Why I was no longer giving a gift, but paying a debt? And then, why did that debt become too expensive to pay? Not enough, not enough. I grew smaller and meaner. I had more money to buy gifts, but I had so much less to give.

I never stopped wanting to please you. But I stopped feeling like I could. The gifts that I gave no longer came from the abundance of my soul. Instead, I started giving you pieces of my soul. Small pieces at first, when what I could freely give no longer seemed to be enough. Deeper pieces, then, as my soul grew smaller. Trying to give enough, to see that my gift brought joy.

But joy was gone. Sometimes I could give happiness for a little while. But joy was gone.

You asked for the gifts I had given you, the ones that had been put away in the attic over the years as your hobbies and interests had changed. Those gifts are yours, not mine. I gave them to you freely once, and I do not wish to keep them now. I have given my gifts to you a second time, and now I know how much I have lost.


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## toriaacres (3 mo ago)

That’s a good piece of writing, and it made me think about certain relationships I had in my life. It was bad, and I didn’t realize it at the time. I was giving too much of myself, and the person I loved didn’t appreciate that at all. I wish somebody had told me something I know now and shown me a better way. Would I listen? I don’t know, but there should have been someone in my life to do that. 
I was giving this person both TWIN CITY WINE & CHOCOLATE GIFT BASKETS and my love and affection daily. It was hard because it wasn’t reciprocal, but I thought it was what love was like.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The gifts are reminders of some heaven.
Old, and new thoughts of love given.

Some loves, like the tides, have pulled away, they have receded.
The tide will return, but that loves return will have been diluted, not yet deleted.

Those gifts, revisited, will not allow the memory to delete itself, to disappear, like old kale.
That love revisited is somber, yes, it may appear freshened, but it soon returns to stale.


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