# separated heading towards divorce



## isittoolate (Jul 31, 2012)

Heres the lowdown;

Married for 3 years. Husband left me 5 months pregnant(planned), told me "I don't love you anymore". We had sex literally the day before(and it was good, atleast I thought)

There is no affair on either side. He tells me he thinks he was too young to be married and maybe he wasn't ready for the commitment. He told me it was little things I did, like I was sometimes a little messy. literally, I would sometimes just leave the dishes in the sink over night or something. and fights over stupid things. I thought stuff like this was resolved...but he said he just cant let go of his grudges so he wants a divorce.

I told him divorcing over small silly things like that doesn't make any sense. He then told me that he doesn't make sense and he never did.

He told me to leave the marital home, the house is in his name, and he doesnt call to check on me...not even to see how my appointments went. I live with my mom now.




Anyone think its too late for us aka a lost cause? I really am so confused abut this and very broken hearted. Shattered.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

First off, I'm so sorry you are here. It breaks my heart every time I see a new post here.

This sounds very similar to my situation, ie: the wife left and could only come up with small reasons why. Even the sex the day before. 

The only difference is I found out she was having an affair. Not to alarm you, and you may be the exception, but if you read a lot of the stories here, it seems like in most of these situations, there is someone else involved. 

As far as "is it too late" - no one can tell you that for sure. All you can do right now is concentrate on yourself and your child. Do things to make yourself happy and live the best life you can. 

Look into the 180


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

IsIt, so very very sorry for the situation you're in. clearly you have pressing concerns that shouldn't include babysitting your wayward husband.

You don't say how long you and your husband have been separated? And whether or not either or both of you had been in therapy or had gone together?

Fwiw, most relationships dissolve because of a thousand little crimes as opposed to something monumental. People just wear down. So that part is not uncommon.

More feedback is dependent on the above questions. Again, sorry for the additional stress and heartache. You're in good company here.


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## isittoolate (Jul 31, 2012)

well he told me he had forgiven me when clearly he hasnt. Over really DUMB stuff. Like...just fights over nothing we have had he is still mad about. Me accidentally spending too much money at the grocery store one time. Stuff like that he hasnt let go of.

We have been separated 3 months.

He says he feels bad and cares for me as the mother of his child but no love is there.

He refused to go to therapy. Says he doesnt believe in it.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

While I would never advise someone to stay in a relationship that they are miserable in, the fact that your husband kicks you out so abruptly while you are carrying his child says a lot about his character. It ain't good.

Perhaps I could be more understanding if you were a cheater or a cruel/mean/unbearable wife (I'll assume you are none of these things) but over piddly little crap like leaving dishes in the sink. I'd say you are better off without him. He's still the child's father, but the jury is out on what kind of a father he will be. I wouldn't get my hopes up. 

I am sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you have a good support system to lean on. I wish you the best of luck.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

At this point, it's all guesswork.

It certainly could be true that there is someone else. Maybe not an affair YET (not a physical one), but somewhat that he emotionally connected to and made him question his marriage.

Or, perhaps it's the pregnancy. Is this your first child together? Maybe he is getting overwhelmed by the responsibility, the change in his (and your) life?


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

at 3 mos. he's likely not going to come running back. the x factor in that is whether or not he man's up when you give birth. 

you are both at fault for not being able to communicate and work through the other's issues. But your stbxh sounds like an immature jackass, imho.

The thing for you to do is to start formulating your future as a single mother and find that path. I wouldn't press for the divorce until after the child is born... on the off chance. But you can't assume he's going to "decide" to be less crazy. You can't fix him. You've got more important things to do and frankly you're better than that.


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