# How to counter the "you need someone better for you" line



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

A not uncommon part of the cheater's script is when the WS says to their BS: "You need someone better than me to be married to!"

This might be what they really think, or just something they are saying to hopefully get you to f&&& off and find that better person, ASAP.

However, the best answer, no matter what their motive, could be: "No. I don't need someone better than you to be married to, I need a better *YOU *to be married to!"


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> A not uncommon part of the cheater's script is when the WS says to their BS: "You need someone better than me to be married to!"
> 
> This might be what they really think, or just something they are saying to hopefully get to to f&&& off and find that better person, ASAP.
> 
> However, the best answer, no matter what their motive, could be: "No. I don't need someone better than you to be married to, I need a better *YOU *to be married to!"


My WS told me that exact line. I couldn't think of a reply then, but I should have said what you wrote.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

"perhaps you're right"


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

I got the same da*n line from the wife. That was more than 6 months ago. Didn't know that this line is straight from the cheater's script. Someone keeping that script should update the list of popular lines.

In retrospect, though, I did take the time to digest the statement and it dawned on me *slowly* what's going on in her head.

The script definitely needs updating...


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I've heard this... and it's an excuse to turn it back on you.
I answer with this:
They don't have the right to decide what's best for you. 
That's up to you. 
You decide what you want, it's your life and they don't make your decisions.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

To my ex's credit, she told me that she couldn't be the kind of wife that I wanted her to be. 

(Which, although it seems like just another way of saying 'you need someone better for you', is really very different.)


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

My ex never told me that. She still thinks that me letting her back would be a bargain for me.
Since splitting with her, I've had women who our only contact was lunch and meeting who have looked far more appealing, knowing what I know now.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> To my ex's credit, she told me that she couldn't be the kind of wife that I wanted her to be.
> 
> (Which, although it seems like just another way of saying 'you need someone better for you', is really very different.)


Actually, what your wife said sounds like it might be true. Sad, but true. Realising that you really aren't what your spouse needs or deserves? Hmm. Interesting.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

How about 

"That's true I do. All that stands between what I have now and that person is you choosing to honor your vows and to choose to be the wife that I deserve"


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> A not uncommon part of the cheater's script is when the WS says to their BS: "You need someone better than me to be married to!"
> 
> This might be what they really think, or just something they are saying to hopefully get you to f&&& off and find that better person, ASAP.
> 
> However, the best answer, no matter what their motive, could be: "No. I don't need someone better than you to be married to, I need a better *YOU *to be married to!"


Yep, I heard that one also.
When I heard it she was deep into the A (I didn't know it at the time), we had a bad argument and she said "You deserve better". I said "Your right, I do deserve better."

I like your line better mat.

I believe I also heard it after Dday, but I don't recall what I said.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> A not uncommon part of the cheater's script is when the WS says to their BS: "You need someone better than me to be married to!"


You go right-the-f*ck-out and start trying to do it. Granted, my d-day was after only 4 months of being engaged.

But my point is this: I think a lot of cheaters tend to over value themselves. They think that, if you are a "6" they are a "8" and deserve better. OP tends to perpetuate this even thought they are just looking for a willing partner. But what WS is actually saying is, "go find another '6.'"

Eventually, it all comes crashing down when they realize that their AP was just looking for something convenient. And if you did it right, you may have actually found someone better in the meantime. Hopefully, you get to say, "I finally listened to you, sweetheart. I found someone better!"

*waiting patiently for that day*


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

BookOfJob said:


> Didn't know that this line is straight from the cheater's script.


Its actually worse than that. I used this same bit of bull**** back in college when I was trying to break up with a girl due to my interest in another girl. I wasn't cheating, but looking back, I'm so embarrassed at that armature BS.

A word of caution... I've heard of some loyal women saying YDSB as a ****ty sort of test, to see how you handle it. The right answer is, "those pants DO make your ass look big."


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

It's not more than a different version of the ILYBIANILWY with a spin of guilty trip and a cop out to inform your he/she is not willing (not unable, unwilling) to put any effort to right the wrong.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Acabado said:


> It's not more than a different version of the ILYBIANILWY with a spin of guilty trip and a cop out to inform your he/she is not willing (not unable, unwilling) to put any effort to right the wrong.


Or an indication that, yes, indeed, low self-esteem can be part of the flaws that shift some people toward cheating.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Not long after Dday, my CW said to me " I just want my husband back"

I said " Well I want a new wife. But you can be that new wife"

I gave her the chance to re-invent herself. She's really struggled to get there though.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

I have said that several times simply because i dont feel good enough.
That is why i say it. You dont feel the need to show me you appreciate me or understand me then you need to have someone that doesnt give a shet about needing that.

It doesnt mean im cheating because i say that.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> Or an indication that, yes, indeed, low self-esteem can be part of the flaws that shift some people toward cheating.


Indeed. Self loathing, feelings of unworthyness is very common treat in so many cheaters. Also depression can lead to that sense of hopeleness.
Thing is we can feel many thinks at a time.
What you asked... no way to counter this.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Indeed. Self loathing, feelings of unworthyness is very common treat in so many cheaters. Also depression can lead to that sense of hopeleness.
> Thing is we can feel many thinks at a time.
> What you asked... no way to counter this.


so we base people as individuals or esteem driving them to cheat when the esteem isnt there?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Low self steem don't drive you to cheat. It's they choose to build themselves up by seeking external validation. It's the coping skill what's wrong. You can't fix it for anyone else. They learn to fix this in a healthy way, from within or they don't. At very least the should protect themselves and their partners with better boundaires.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Low self steem don't drive you to cheat. It's they choose to build themselves up by seeking external validation. It's the coping skill what's wrong. You can't fix it for anyone else. They learn to fix this in a healthy way, from within or they don't. At very least the should protect themselves and their partners with better boundaires.


I think i am still missing your point?...

I feel low self esteem from the way my f my soemtimes make me feel. THen i will tell him that if i am not good enough to move on with his life.
is that myfault that i feel that way when i was put in the position to feel so? i dont see me urging to cheat on him in any way. i simply feeled crushed and we later work it out.
its ard to have patience with something that brings you down.
but i dont beleivve that it is a symptom of cheating to say that someone needs what they are impliyng.


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

WW says it to me every time and i just agree with her. I say yea ok will do. When the time is right.  Shuts her right up :rofl:


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

i'd say "funny you see a few days before i caught you. You said no one would ever love you like I do....... So I guess it was opposite day huh?????"


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

You can look at it three different ways. 1. It's the truth, you ARE better than the cheating skank, and DO deserve a better woman. 2. It's a rhetorical question requiring no answer at all 3. It's an attempt to get pity and sympathy from the BS, and if that is the case, then the obvious answer or counter is, "go f**k yourself!" Problem solved.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I don't recall my H saying it during the A but then again I didn't know about the A when the A was going on. However, he has said it a couple times when R got too hard for him. 

The first time I responded with, "You're right. I do deserve better."

The second time I said something like, "Do you really believe that or are you trying to get me to make you feel better about yourself by saying, "But you're the one for me" Because I will not be saying that until you prove it so stop looking to me for validation and look within."

Now he says, "Honey, you deserve better so please give me a chance to show you that I am the man that deserves you."

He's getting it...


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