# The PG-13 marriage



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I suddenly realized that there was a model for the relationship with my wife - it is like a PG-13 romance. We do fun things together, we hold hand, we hug and kiss. We do all the sorts of things together that one would expect from a romance. Its just that when we go to be and start kissing, the scene cuts before we get beyond a PG-13 rating, and starts again the next morning when we get up.

Is it just us, or are other HD/LD people in this situation?


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## CopperTop (May 29, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I suddenly realized that there was a model for the relationship with my wife - it is like a PG-13 romance.


That is a near perfect example of our marriage.


Copper


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Absolutely!

'a PG marriage'. what a great designation.

Not my current wife, thank goodness, (she's a sweetheart) but my ex. 

hold hands, kissing, once in a great while, making out, but that's it.
But she had a few screws loose. Every time I tried to talk sexuality it was a no go, the tears would start and I would be reminded of her sexual abuse survivor past.

You know what? I did love her in spite of that. I actually could have lived with it, (I eventually gave up trying), if she wasn't so mean besides. But, She taunted me with her sexuality. It's almost like I was gonna pay for the abuse men gave her in the past even though I never touched her if she didn't allow it. then she cyber cheated on me several times. that's what actually did it.

anyway, yes, PG for sure! kudos mr. richard.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Define "kissing". Is there tongue involved or is it like you're kissing your mom?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Define "kissing". Is there tongue involved or is it like you're kissing your mom?


that's a riot


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I suddenly realized that there was a model for the relationship with my wife - it is like a PG-13 romance. We do fun things together, we hold hand, we hug and kiss. We do all the sorts of things together that one would expect from a romance. Its just that when we go to be and start kissing, the scene cuts before we get beyond a PG-13 rating, and starts again the next morning when we get up.
> 
> Is it just us, or are other HD/LD people in this situation?


I applaud you here richardsharpe for managing to keep the romance alive in such a difficult situation. My LD husband is very romantic and wants hand holding, arm linking, hugs, pecks on the lips, etc. We carried on with all that for quite a while after he lost interest in sex but nowadays, I feel hypocritical when I join in with all that. When he asks for a kiss (always a chaste peck on the lips) I find myself thinking "WTF do you want to kiss me for when you don't want an adult relationship with me?" All of those romantic gestures have become a turn off for me as I just see the whole thing as gross hypocrisy and I refuse to join in with living his lie.

Richard, how you have kept that all alive in the face of constant rejection is beyond me - you're a better person than I am.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Do you think it's from watching too many Disney movies when she was growing up? That may explain the prevalence of such marriages.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
in my wife's case tongue kissing is fine by her. Its PG-13, not PG.



LuvIsTuff said:


> Define "kissing". Is there tongue involved or is it like you're kissing your mom?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening doobie
because, for no good reason, I love her and can't stand to make her unhappy. My problem not hers.



doobie said:


> snip
> Richard, how you have kept that all alive in the face of constant rejection is beyond me - you're a better person than I am.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Not trying to flame you, but that is like torture. I'd rather live with a dude. You wouldn't have to argue about which movies to see or who should do the dishes and every once in a while you could just punch each other and then everything would be cool.

I'm willing to bet that 90%+ of the very best marriages are straight up X-rated behind closed doors.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Ah yes, the PG-13 romance. At some point you'll find your wife boarding a flight to Rome to attend art school, but with the help of your limo-driver friend "Styles" you'll make it to the airport in time to catch her before she departs.

Also at some point, you'll take a long drive at night with tears in your eyes while "Everybody Hurts" plays in the background.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Also, you might be a vampire.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Richard, I know that you love her very much. I just wonder - based on many of your posts and comments about your relationship - does she love you back as much? She had left you before, she came back. You are always there for her, no matter what, sex or no sex. She has no reason to try, this is good for her. You yourself said that you know you are the best man for her and that she will always come back. This is not balanced relationship. You are helplessly in love, she is 100% in charge.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Married But....was that a joke? Boys grow up watching Disney movies too so...?

I used to picture X rated naked princesses going down on each other when watching Disney movies.

Try not to make such silly assumptions maybe?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening WandaJ
You are correct. 

Sadly I am very much aware of the situation. I have this innate inability to relinquish a sense of responsibility for something I have taken under my protection - whether it is a person, an animal or something at work. It is at once my best and worst quality. 

I can even understand the psychology, and childhood situation that led to the way I behave. 

Still I plan to have another conversation with her in the next week or so. (we recently came back from a long trip, I want us to be over jetlag).




WandaJ said:


> Richard, I know that you love her very much. I just wonder - based on many of your posts and comments about your relationship - does she love you back as much? She had left you before, she came back. You are always there for her, no matter what, sex or no sex. She has no reason to try, this is good for her. You yourself said that you know you are the best man for her and that she will always come back. This is not balanced relationship. You are helplessly in love, she is 100% in charge.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I don't have that PG-13 thing. Some days we get the fade and restart. Those are not the mornings I'm cheerfully making breakfast. Also there is a lot more nudity. I like that part. I watched an awful TV-14 the other day which featured several sex scenes fully clothed. Suspension of disbelief failed.
MN


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Nothing wrong with being Romantic ...but Yes... we need some X-rated !!... Myself & husband watch Hallmark Romances -whenever we catch one.. he enjoys them too!....but we'll also watch some porn, talk dirty, grope & grind.... it brings it all together... a couple needs the Erotic release, merging together on a regular basis. 



> *Faithful Wife said*: *I used to picture X rated naked princesses going down on each other when watching Disney movies.*


 this is just too funny... FW - you are so hard core !

Richard...I'm sure you've read it all, tried it all at this point....heard all the questions.. here again... WHAT turns your wife on?? Anything??

Not even a steamy scene with a hot actor she is into ?? Romance novels? This man my H works with, started telling my H how his wife is waking him up all of a sudden, always wanting sex.. I asked her age, early 40's thinking -it's the mid life Surge.. he comes home a couple days later & tells me it's THAT BOOK...50 shades of Grey.... 

I know for me, even in my lower drive yrs.. reading something erotic DID ME IN, every time....should have read more of that stuff back then..

I'm sure you've been down the love language path...and done your part. 

I would also find what you are dealing with "*tormenting*"... I'd loose my patience big time... and I say this as a woman.. French kissing and all that.. all leading to the upped intensity and hormones wanting released.... how in the world do you handle this with her [email protected]#? Doesn't she care she is hurting you ? It's just NOT OK..


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Honestly, my marriage is definitely NOT PG-13. If your marriage continues to be PG-13 despite your best efforts at communicating to your wife that you want more, then you need to change your approach. Talking doesn't seem to be working.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> in my wife's case tongue kissing is fine by her. Its PG-13, not PG.


That's a pretty important detail. If there's tongue, any high school boy will tell you that the panties are coming off(at least that's the hope). If my wife kisses me and slips me the tongue, at worst she's getting bent over and taking one for the team


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

PG-13? NC-17 isn't remotely adequate.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening WandaJ
> You are correct.
> 
> Sadly I am very much aware of the situation. I have this innate inability to relinquish a sense of responsibility for something I have taken under my protection - whether it is a person, an animal or something at work. It is at once my best and worst quality.
> ...


What are you protecting her from? Is this why she is with your - protection? Even here you are showing lack of balance. It is all about her, she is on HUGE pedestal, that's not healthy for neither party. why does she need protection, even at the cost of your soul? Because that's how it sounds Richard, that your soul is slowly dying.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

PG-13? Mine is closer to "G".


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening WandaJ
All very good points. I will talk to her at the next reasonably opportunity.

I did sell my soul long ago, but got quite good value for it 



WandaJ said:


> What are you protecting her from? Is this why she is with your - protection? Even here you are showing lack of balance. It is all about her, she is on HUGE pedestal, that's not healthy for neither party. why does she need protection, even at the cost of your soul? Because that's how it sounds Richard, that your soul is slowly dying.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I don't think protecting someone is always a good idea. I've found myself firstly protecting my H from the problem we have by being reluctant to push for talks about it because I knew it would be a sensitive subject for him. I've become more vocal about the problem over the past year and it's reduced him to tears several times which always makes me back off (protecting him from reality once again). I've now ended up protecting him from real life altogether, or so it seems. He's spent most of the past month lying on the bed claiming to suffer from one thing after another - it's back ache right now and has been for the past week. He stated earlier today that he is now down to one painful twinge area - I still have no hopes of him getting up tomorrow though. In the meantime, I'm working from home and doing everything in the house and garden. The most difficult thing I find to do is chopping kindling from the olive logs we have. They are so tough that I have to use the larger axe to get through them and this gives me quite a bit of backache which I've had to cure/relieve with some yoga and a couple of good long walks. I now realise that protecting my husband has been counter-productive - he's just used it as an excuse to become a lazy mofo. I have very little respect left for him. Today I've had a fairly tough day, bursting into tears several times and then getting annoyed with myself for letting it get to me (although I'm under 5ft tall, I'm bigger than that). Protecting him from himself has ended up damaging me and our relationship - who'll protect me when I need it. Right now, me feeling down, ill or under the weather in any way is just not an option - I have a house to run, rent and bills to pay and need to carry on so I can earn the money to do so.

EDIT: Come to think of it, he's spent most of the past year lying around on the bed - I feel like a nursemaid/housekeeper, not a wife.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I would also go with the PG or PG 13 rating. More like a good family movie, with some hand holding, cuddling & short kisses. The only time her tongue comes out is during sex, which is only at bedtime in bed, above the neck and usually in the dark. She does undress freely in front of me, so it's not a body image issue. Sex to her, just isn't a wild spontaneous hormone rage. "Making out" without sex, where your body is about to explode was the best and I can't remember when that happened last?

I can relate to Doobie, that sometimes I get annoyed with the little peck kisses too and don't see the point to them either??


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

doobie said:


> I don't think protecting someone is always a good idea. .


Relationship based on protection is more like parent - child than partners. No wonder sex is not happening as it supposed - that's not part of that dynamic.

Richard, please start treating your wife like an adult, not fragile china doll. It may save this relationship.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

woundedwarrior said:


> I would also go with the PG or PG 13 rating. More like a good family movie, with some hand holding, cuddling & short kisses. *The only time her tongue comes out is during sex, which is only at bedtime in bed, above the neck and usually in the dark. She does undress freely in front of me, so it's not a body image issue. * Sex to her, just isn't a wild spontaneous hormone rage. "Making out" without sex, where your body is about to explode was the best and I can't remember when that happened last?
> 
> I can relate to Doobie, that sometimes I get annoyed with the little peck kisses too and don't see the point to them either??


My H doesn't kiss me when we have sex (from what I can remember of it, it's been so long), just the chaste hello and goodbye kisses and a chaste kiss goodnight before I go off to my bedroom. I started the relationship and the marriage feeling quite free to undress in front of him, hell I walked round the house naked and would even wander into the garden and do some weeding in just a pair of knickers. However, having not had a sexual relationship for so long, I've become uncomfortable about undressing in front of him and letting him see me naked in case he thinks I'm trying to push for sex. Since moving into the spare room, I've resumed my habit of sleeping naked - I just stopped feeling comfortable enough to do so when I shared a bed with him. He has two lots of family coming to stay with us next month and they overlap for a few days which means I'll have to move back into the bedroom to free up the spare room. When the one lot have left, we'll be left with just his dad who is coming for an indefinite period. I'm pretty sure H will try to insist that I stay in the bedroom when the spare room/my office is free again so that his dad doesn't think there's anything weird going on in our marriage. This will present another dilemma - I will insist on gong back to my single bed and to hell with what his dad thinks.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Doobie, I don't see how you can live like that. I've had issues, but I can honestly say that the moment we started sleeping in different rooms, that would be it for me. Broken marriage is one thing, but roommates is something else entirely.
I wouldn't pretend everything is okay with his Dad either, let him see you two sleep separately and let your H get a mouthful from him for a change.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

woundedwarrior said:


> Doobie, I don't see how you can live like that. I've had issues, but I can honestly say that the moment we started sleeping in different rooms, that would be it for me. Broken marriage is one thing, but roommates is something else entirely.
> I wouldn't pretend everything is okay with his Dad either, let him see you two sleep separately and let your H get a mouthful from him for a change.


We had a talk last Sunday which he initiated as he was feeling unloved with me sleeping in a different room. I allowed myself to be persuaded back into the bedroom. He also revealed that he now wants to get our sex life back on track. He did make some moves on that first night, but I was so emotionally exhausted that I turned him down for a change. Since then, nothing. We're still in a roommates relationship, but sleeping in the same bed again. I suspect that now he has what he wanted things will carry on as normal (for us) with no sex on the cards at all. I'm now kicking myself for believing him and allowing him to get me back where he wants me - in his bed and totally frustrated sexually once more.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
last night my wife made what I think was a real attempt to turn things around and I very much appreciated it. We'll see how it goes, but I am very hopeful.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

doobie said:


> We had a talk last Sunday which he initiated as *he was feeling unloved with me sleeping in a different room.* I allowed myself to be persuaded back into the bedroom. He also revealed that *he now wants to get our sex life back on track.* He did make some moves on that first night, but I was so emotionally exhausted that *I turned him down for a change. Since then, nothing.* We're still in a roommates relationship, but sleeping in the same bed again. I suspect that now he has what he wanted things will carry on as normal (for us) with no sex on the cards at all. *I'm now kicking myself for believing him and allowing him to get me back where he wants me - in his bed and totally frustrated sexually once more*.


You obviously know your H better than anyone and have a better idea of his true motive. However, why don't you consider for a moment that you are misinterpreting him.

I was in a sex starved long term marriage with a woman who had emotinally checked out and was very angry at me. What I learned in my journey toward reconciliation was that my wife and I had been reaching out to each other to express our love nearly every day in ways that neither recognized.

I learned from Chapman's Book the 5 Languages of Love that my wife as an act of service person and quality time person needed that to feel loved and expressed her love in those languages. So when my wife made a hot dinner for me and wanted to talk to me at the dinner table each day about her day and my day, she was reaching out saying how much she loved me and wanted me to reciprocate in kind to show her I loved her.

Often, as a good provider, I worked late and skipped dinner, which she tried to keep hot, but often got ruined. That combined with not coming home to talk to her at dinner, was worse than sexual rejection, it was total rejection of what she needed to feel loved.

I on the other hand, require touch and words of affirmation to feel loved and express love. When I would reach out and rub her neck or shoulders and tell her how wonderful she was, she viewed it as my pawing her and buttering her up to just get in her panties. 

Ultimately, I learned to get up early each morning and as an act of service bring coffee upstairs for us to both drink in bed while she wakes up. The we discuss what we will do for the day. That starts her day off feeling loved. I do a similar ritual when we come home and we have an agreed upon dinner time that I never miss.

My point is that your H has said he wants to get your sex life back on track. Assume he was telling you the truth. Assume that your being too tired crushed his ego. Sit down with him and tell him that you want to hold him to his talk about getting your sex life back together. Ask him to describe what he thinks an ideal married couple's sex life looks like. Do they hold hands, do they go out on dates, do they do public displays of affection? Do they make out, if so how often? Do they have sex, if so how often and to they laugh and experiment with new positions or try new ways of making love? Ask him to dream of a better married life and to share his dream with you.

Write down the parts the sound really good to you and tell him that you would like to try certain things as well to begin with. Tell him if it goes well, you will be willing to try more.

I am sure it would be hard to do this and as you indicate it may all have been a con-game to get you into his bed with no action. I know you feel that you are protecting him and that some of the talks reduce him to tears.....but give him the benefit of the doubt. He initiated a talk telling you he wanted a better sex life. Also apologize to him for hurting him when you were too tired, if he felt hurt.

Good luck.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

doobie said:


> We had a talk last Sunday which he initiated as he was feeling unloved with me sleeping in a different room. I allowed myself to be persuaded back into the bedroom. He also revealed that he now wants to get our sex life back on track. He did make some moves on that first night, but I was so emotionally exhausted that I turned him down for a change. Since then, nothing. We're still in a roommates relationship, but sleeping in the same bed again. I suspect that now he has what he wanted things will carry on as normal (for us) with no sex on the cards at all. I'm now kicking myself for believing him and allowing him to get me back where he wants me - in his bed and totally frustrated sexually once more.


When he told you he was feeling unloved, did you explain that you were also?

If I were you, I'd be inclined to move right back out again and let him know that when you see SUSTAINED effort on his side, you'll be open to talk about moving back in to his room.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> last night my wife made what I think was a real attempt to turn things around and I very much appreciated it. We'll see how it goes, but I am very hopeful.


Richard, can you elaborate? Was this turn-around in the form of communication? Promises? Initiation?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Fozzy
Her initiating a very nice evening in bed together for both of us. This has happened before, but I think she is trying to improve things in general, and I'm hopeful it will continue.




Fozzy said:


> Richard, can you elaborate? Was this turn-around in the form of communication? Promises? Initiation?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Fozzy
> Her initiating a very nice evening in bed together for both of us. This has happened before, but I think she is trying to improve things in general, and I'm hopeful it will continue.


Richard, keep in mind that she is trying BECAUSE you brought it up. Don't be afraid to keep bringing it up. And don't let her stonewall you again.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening faithful wife
Its a delicate balance. I want her to know that this matters a lot to me, but at the same time I don't want to pressure her. (and I am well aware that these are incompatible goals).

The last few days we have been a happy loving couple. Is it real, or are we both pretending? Maybe if we both pretend for a little while it will be true. 




Faithful Wife said:


> Richard, keep in mind that she is trying BECAUSE you brought it up. Don't be afraid to keep bringing it up. And don't let her stonewall you again.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Did you not say on another post that you've had two talks with your wife in over 20 years?

For you to say you don't want to pressure her....after TWO talks in 20 years, just wow, it doesn't make any sense.

I don't know how else to say this except, this makes you sound like a meek mouse.

Are you terrified of her?

You sound like an abused man.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The timescales are strangely long. When things improve, they improve for YEARS, then decline over YEARS.

Also it is a tricky tradeoff. I consider pressuring for sex to be wrong. Its also counter productive - see all the posts by women who are turned off because their partners are constantly begging / pressuring for sex.

Terrified - no. From my point of view I could leave anytime if I wanted to. The thing is that the rest of our relationship is very good - I don't want to give that up. Sex is very important, but it isn't the only important thing. 






Faithful Wife said:


> Did you not say on another post that you've had two talks with your wife in over 20 years?
> 
> For you to say you don't want to pressure her....after TWO talks in 20 years, just wow, it doesn't make any sense.
> 
> ...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

doobie said:


> I don't think protecting someone is always a good idea. I've found myself firstly protecting my H from the problem we have by being reluctant to push for talks about it because I knew it would be a sensitive subject for him.
> 
> I've now ended up protecting him from real life altogether, or so it seems.
> 
> ...


I totally agree that protecting a husband is just a very bad idea, doobie. Unless you are the dominant in the marriage, I would not recommend it at all.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> The timescales are strangely long. When things improve, they improve for YEARS, then decline over YEARS.
> 
> Also it is a tricky tradeoff. I consider pressuring for sex to be wrong. Its also counter productive - *see all the posts by women who are turned off because their partners are constantly begging / pressuring for sex.*
> ...



So you can't see a middle ground between "constantly begging/pressuring" and two talks in twenty years?

And you can't see that throwing in there "sex isn't the only important thing" is just something you are saying to hide and diminish your OWN needs?

You don't even need your wife to beat you down, because you do it to yourself.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

Forget PG-13, I'm in the mood for dark, hot sweaty sex where clothes are being torn and no talking is involved. I'm in the mood to be manhandled, groped, licked and F*** from all sorts of different positions until the bed comes off its post and the mattress is broken beyond repair. Hummm, my fantasy. However, my H is is happy with missionary vanilla so I retreat to the naughty recess of my mind with BOB. Can you tell it's been awhile?


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