# Parent / Teacher Conferences



## Simcha (Jul 14, 2012)

Its been a long time since I have posted on this forum. Following is a brief history. Divorced 2.5 years after a 9 year marriage. Divorce was contentious. Spouse owes me money and fails to comply with divorce decree from time to time.

She started dating someone six months after we were separated on is now engaged.

In the 2.5 yrs. we have attended parent/teacher conferences together and separate, in was never an issue.

We have a conference coming up and she has made unusual effort to suggest that we attend together. Personally, I don't care to do so. This woman has caused me a lot of harm, in many respects, not to mention the harm to the children. She makes me uncomfortable and I avoid her when ever possible.

Am I wrong in doing so? I don't see a benefit in attending together. We seldom agreed on things when we were married, let alone now that we are divorced.

I always do what is in the best interest of the children. I don't see that attending separately would affect the kids in any way.

Kids are doing well in school so I don't see a need to collaborate in the best interest of their education, assuming that collaborating was even possible.

Your thoughts?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If the teacher doesn't have a problem doing two conferences then I don't see a problem. Not everyone can co-parent (Lord knows my ex and I don't)
Just because she wants to play "united parental involvement" doesn't mean you have to join in.
And I'm sure the teacher would love to avoid any sniping/argument that could come as a result of a bitter meeting.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Op I don't know your story. I can with some degree of certainty say that what my x did was probably equally as bad as yours. That's said we do attend these meetings together and try, as best we can, to parent together. It is a struggle from time to time. But we needed to put forth a United front for our kids. I still despise the woman but like it or not she is mom. 

If you absolutely can't be in th same room fine but do try and communicate if you can.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband and I attended a parent-student information night at his school last night. We sat together, attended the different seminars together, and parted amicably in the parking lot afterward. 

If the two of you can be civil and co-parent, try to do one meeting. It's easier on the teacher than trying to free up two meeting times. If you can't for any reason, though, most teachers would probably rather deal with you each individually.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

I recently faced the same dilemma with my xWW. she asked if I wanted to go with her. I politely declined and had my own conference. She complained about my decision, but that was her problem.

Our daughter is perfectly well adjusted and suffered no negative consequences as a result.

It's what you're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable going with her, then don't. Go on your own and stick to it.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

:iagree:

Just say you don't want to work around her schedule and that you'd rather go at a time that's convenient for you. Alone. And if there's any areas of concern, you'll contact her, otherwise if things are going well, no need.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

What does it say in your decree about child custody and decision making?

If you have legal custody, then you are under no obligation to even allow your ex at the conference. Tell you'll provide her with any information she needs to have.

If you have joint legal custody and 'equal' decision making rights, then she is 'allowed' to do what she wants. You can decided to schedule your own meeting with the teacher and suggest she do the same. Or agree that one of you will go and update the other. 

I'm lucky in that my Ex and I get along very well where the kids are concerned. She knows not to bring up any personal crap. Neither of us has ever tried to use the kids in a proxy war with each other. We don't always agree, but we both do have the kids best interests in mind. If there is anyway you can get to this point, I highly recommend it.


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## FutureExMrs. (Jul 18, 2011)

I think the only time that it would be necessary to attend together is if the kid/s are attending as well or if there are problems, then it would be considerate to provide a united front. As for attending together just b/c your X is requesting it, makes no sense whatsoever. I agree w/ the other comment that if the teacher is fine w/ it then I would cont. to do it separately just for a piece of mind and to avoid feeling alienated around your X. Good Luck!


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Speaking as a teacher I would rather the parents come individually. Even though they try to be there for the kids together it is almost always uncomfortable. One parent tends to grandstand and does all of the talking and the other just ends up zoning out. But when they come by themselves it gives me a chance to really talk to them as individuals. Just my 2 cents. Take it for what it's worth.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

We go individually. The sign up for this is awkward. It's a website that shows all the available times and has the parents names in the taken time slots. 

There will a Ms Ceegee in one slot and a Mr Ceegee in another for all to see. 

It's what's best for D8 though. As Paradise confirmed above, the teacher will better feedback this way. No arguing, no eye rolls and/or sighs, no passive aggressive comments.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

In the beginning we tried to go together, I'm the father and the kids were living with me. It caused a lot of friction when I said it's best if we start attending separately, but that's life. Honestly I got tired of mom swopping in 15 minutes late and trying to martyr herself as mother of the year.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My x and I are civil, but we do nothing together, and my kids don't really expect it.


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