# got an email from stbx...



## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

...telling me he's sorry for his behavior, how selfish he is, how non-intimate, not treating me like a friend...and just left it like that. i didn't know how to respond so i just said 'it helps you're a good father'. because it really didn't matter to me that he was saying all this now. wow i guess i really am over him.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

cabbage65 said:


> ...telling me he's sorry for his behavior, how selfish he is, how non-intimate, not treating me like a friend...and just left it like that. i didn't know how to respond so i just said 'it helps you're a good father'. because it really didn't matter to me that he was saying all this now. wow i guess i really am over him.


Don't know background but he's fishing or started AA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

AA? oh you mean giving apologies in the 12 steps? he isn't alcoholic. but he probably just wanted to alleviate guilt.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I don't know your back story either but you basically just got what most of us are dreaming of. Good for you if you really are over him, that is something most of us couldn't resist.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

It's awesome it's not something that is bothering you anymore Cabbage, more power to you and best of luck with your new life


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Hi Cabbage. What do you think his motive is? I know if mine sent that I would still be elated even though I'm getting stronger. I hope I one day get to where you are mentally. I'm glad you were strong enough to not give into that email so easily. It will be interesting to see where he goes from here. 

Ill say a prayer for your continued strength.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

Honestly, I think it was to relieve guilt. I didn't feel *anything* after reading it, and that was a revelation. Apparently saying he never loved me killed any last bit of hope. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm spitting in the face of something people dream of  I wish they got it instead of me!


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

cabbage65 said:


> Honestly, I think it was to relieve guilt. I didn't feel *anything* after reading it, and that was a revelation. Apparently saying he never loved me killed any last bit of hope. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm spitting in the face of something people dream of  I wish they got it instead of me!


Nope, we all hope to be where you are. Good for you, we deserve better and shouldn't be hoping for these these things. You are healthy and we all want to be.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

thank you sd!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

cabbage65 said:


> Honestly, I think it was to relieve guilt. I didn't feel *anything* after reading it, and that was a revelation. Apparently saying he never loved me killed any last bit of hope. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm spitting in the face of something people dream of  I wish they got it instead of me!


I don't blame you at all. Those are very hurtful words. I do believe however that sometime when we are angry we say things we don't mean. 

I think we all just strive to feel mentally strong....you are doing a great job at that so far. Keep it up.

How long have you two been apart now?

Do take care of yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

btw i don't think i'm stronger than most, this wasn't an out of the blue thing... i've done my 'time' with h for over 20 years, wondering how to 'fix' it, doing everything i could to bring us closer, saying anything i could say to convince him we should be together, signing up for every counselor/retreat around, buying every self-help book/video, etc. to get him on board with the marriage. i realized i was done, there was nothing left to say or do, plain and simple. 

we all have our own paths!!

edited to add he moved out a month ago. (we were separated 7 months last year)


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I can see that. I did the same the past 2 years especially the 14 months he's been gone. You just grow tired. I know I've had enough of self help books on marriage. I'm now focusing on my Divorce Care book. God seems to be the only thing bringing me happiness these days. Speaking of that....the workshop is cancelled for tonight because of another church event. I hope i make it through the week without it. 

So he was gone 7 months last year, then came back and moved out again for a month now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> So he was gone 7 months last year, then came back and moved out again for a month now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes, this time with the intent to move toward divorce...i thought last time we separated we agreed we were supposed to be working on ourselves so we could build a good marriage...he thought it was a good time to set up a match.com account...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think that is aw3esom ehe wrote you and admitted his wrongs and asked for your forgiveness. Your response back was fine.

I've been divorced nearly a year now, initially separateed 2.5 years ago and I never have gotten one single "I'm sorry" from my ex. I used to think that day would come but I realize it prob never will. Of course it would have mattered a lot then than it does now but I am always so happy for the people who get an "I'm sorry" from someone who hur them.

Consider yourself one of the lucky ones.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

oh I've had nothing but 'I'm so sorry for hurting you'

it's just words - it really doesn't mean anything to me, pretty easy to say when you're walking out the door


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I got lots of I'm sorry's while he was still in the house, but I agree w/ Dolly actions speak louder than words. Would I like a sorry from him a real apology? Yes, would I really ever believe him, I don't know, I doubt it if this ends in a D. However if he was working on an R, I would think I would believe him.


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