# My only passion is sex



## Freetown (Oct 19, 2017)

Sex has soon become an issue in my relationship with my wife. We ve been reading books, went to couples therapy etc but it still remained an issue, next to other elements (it's not all about sex). I then went to see a therapist to improve my confidence, and feel better now. One thing that I no longer deny is that sex is really important to me. I don t think I m addicted, I don t have sex everyday, I only watch porn a couple of times a week for 5 to 10 minutes, but I do am very "virile". 
I do love sex and I like it when I see sexy dressed women. I like beautiful things and nice cars as well, but each time I see a woman with nice pants (I really adore leatherlook pants) a nice dress or something sexy it takes my attention.
This may sound normal in a way, but I realize this often keeps me busy. It may have put a lot of pressure on my wife, who is now paying less attention to her clothes btw. I wish she wore nice lingerie, dressed up more often etc. 
Now I realise this is actually my only real passion. Maybe I put more attention to it because of the issue in our relationship. Someone compared to thinking more about food when being on a diet. Though, I wish I had other things to focus on. I don t have specific hobbies. I do a some things in my spare time, I like gardening and so on, but I m more driven by sex related stuff. Most of my Amazon books are about improving my relationship and having better sex.
I ve read that this focus on sex may be linked to my lower self esteem and the fact that sex compensates in a way, but I m not sure it s only about that.

What do you think and can you advice anything?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Freetown said:


> Sex has soon become an issue in my relationship with my wife. We ve been reading books, went to couples therapy etc but it still remained an issue, next to other elements (it's not all about sex). I then went to see a therapist to improve my confidence, and feel better now. One thing that I no longer deny is that sex is really important to me. I don t think I m addicted, I don t have sex everyday, I only watch porn a couple of times a week for 5 to 10 minutes, but I do am very "virile".
> I do love sex and I like it when I see sexy dressed women. I like beautiful things and nice cars as well, but each time I see a woman with nice pants (I really adore leatherlook pants) a nice dress or something sexy it takes my attention. I even check if I can see the structure of the underwear she s wearing.
> This may sound normal in a way, but I realize this often keeps me busy. It may have put a lot of pressure on my wife, who is now paying less attention to her clothes btw. I wish she wore nice lingerie, dressed up more often etc.
> Now I realise this is actually my only real passion. Maybe I put more attention to it because of the issue in our relationship. Someone compared to thinking more about food when being on a diet. Though, I wish I had other things to focus on. I don t have specific hobbies. I do a some things in my spare time, I like gardening and so on, but I m more driven by sex related stuff. Most of my Amazon books are about improving my relationship and having better sex.
> ...


* @Freetown ~ Did your wife ever begin to offer to go to sexual therapy, counseling, or to the medical doctor with you at any point in time?*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your only passion is sex....
..................................................................................................
Yes, when God created men he wanted them to go forward and up.

When HE created women HE wanted them to go downward and flat.
.................................................................................................

Even God does not always 'get' want HE wants.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

To solve this 'problem' we need to make all men Eunuchs, neuter them like dogs.

Then, no rapes, no fighting among men, no wars. Men not asking, pestering women for sex.

All men passive... docile. Men living to about... about to seventy. Their soft bodies and bones failing them.

Men becoming lazy, lazy-er.

Men, not interested in sports, not interested in much of anything. Well, maybe cooking. 
What are we going to eat next? What are the women going to cook us. Some men will cook. They will be forced to.

Women will rule the world, run all facets, agencies in life.

Then, women can do IT ALL, instead of the purported seventy percent.
They can then do all the heavy lifting. Construction, roofing, cement work, road work.

Sex and sexual release for women?
Who needs men for this. There are other mechanical devices and appendages for........this.

On obtaining sperm to ensure future generations of H.Sapiens?
Good question..

Who needs men?

Watch what you ask for.


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## Freetown (Oct 19, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Watch what you ask for.


I wasn t sure if this was the right place to discuss this. I anyway didn t want to post it in the pure relationship section since I want to put this aside of my relationship. I mean, unless if I want to turn into a womanizer or look for a woman like me, I think it would be wise to cool down some of this drive. I was looking for self help books but most are about real addictions.

So, not sure of I want to ask all of my desires from my wife.

We did went to couples sex therapy once, but my wife didn t like it. She may have felt too much pressure from me. She wants to do some effort now.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Sounds like you have been reading too many books and are all caught up in your head. There is nothing wrong with understanding sex is important to you
but you need to approach that in a healthy way. You need some individual counseling to get your head cleared up and understand the correct and mutual
path you and your spouse need to be on to make this work. Create and environment within the relationship that creates what you want. Give her what she
needs to want to love you. Getting all wound up in your head is only going to drive her away...and I don't blame her.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

How many times a month do you have sex?

Aside from that, the title and the fact that you followed up in your message, that you meant what you said in the title, is an issue. No one should only have ONE passion, that sets us up for one heck of a fall, especially when it comes to something as volatile as sex in a relationship for a slew of reasons.

Some passions can last a lifetime without much resistance, sex, like looks, playing competitive sports, etc ... can all be fleeting and diminish with age and health. 

How long did you go to counseling. I would recommend that you continue to see a therapist yourself.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

I'm a little like you as well, there's something about a well dress woman that makes my throat ichy, my pupils get wide and lose focus in what I'm doing for a split second or so. Heck its the reason I got into my line of work, it what we do dress women. Watching a well dress woman on thr subway into work can make my whole day go right!

I love porn , just not any porn thou the ladies need to look natural as I hate fake breast or ultra huge ones. Porn watching has taken a back seat the last 5, or 7 years but I still watch it from time to time ans never been an addict either.

Yet my wife of 16+ does not have the same intensity I have about sex. I'm 8 years her senior, and have 3X the energy. I cook when I get home, dance with my two daughter carry them around my home. Yet my wife is DONE, sex is the last thing in her mind. I've learned to curb my appetite, or have properly trained to simmer down the fire sadly. 

I still fine her incredibly sexy, even though she has gain a little weight, love her smile, adore her tiny sexy feet, her Jennifer Love Hewitt curves which resemble. Yet sexy time has definitely lost it's magic.

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Sure, men have sex drives, I am not some man hater looking to castrate them all (seriously WTF?).

But come on' one passion? All you want in life is to get your willy wet? Surely there are other accomplishments you wish to achieve. Are you not motivated by your career, any sports, athleticis or hobbies?

*I find fantasizing about a deep ****'ing a great way to keep my motivation up as I finish a last hill on my daily run* (Ha!)

I don't recall the name off the top of my head, but there was a turn of the century sociologist who had a theory regarding religious driven sexual oppression creating the drive / work ethic that the industrial revolution depended on - All those sex driven males, directing their energy into industry instead of tail chasing. 

Like someone else said, you shouldn't have a sole passion, but doesn't mean you give it up. Life is about balance. 

As for you and your wife - your mileage may vary, but for me, when my husband makes it clear he LUSTS for me. When he puts in the time to flirt in the morning, and keep it up all day with little naughty texts. When he makes sure my needs and responsibilities are attended to - so that I can then turn all my attention to him? Yeah, thats the stuff that gets my motor running. 

I tell ya - a lusty kiss as I hit the door for work. A steamy text at noon, a **** pick showing me how he is just aching for me to get home.... and then arriving to find a clean house, and a freshly showed and trimmed man?! Oh yeah... he's gettin' spoiled.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

"I don't recall the name off the top of my head, but there was a turn of the century sociologist who had a theory regarding religious driven sexual oppression creating the drive / work ethic that the industrial revolution depended on - All those sex driven males, directing their energy into industry instead of tail chasing. "

Sounds like something Freud coined "All energy is sexual". Meaning if men aren't using their energy towards sex, they channel it towards industry and innovation ... which also reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld where George abstains from sex and becomes a genius, and then when he has sex, he forgets all the book knowledge he had learned during abstinanace and returns to a state of ignorant bliss.


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## Freetown (Oct 19, 2017)

Thx for your feedback. A lot of it makes sence. 
- Actually, sex is not really my only passion. There is a lot of things I like and enjoy doing, such as gardening, listening to music, watching good movies, quality time with the kids, good food. It's just that I'm way more easily "triggered" for sex than for gardening. I don t know if that s abnormal for men. I had a discussion with my wife. She said I was above average when I told her I would be happy if I had sex 5 times a week. It that so abnormal? I just like it. I wouldn t impose it however.
- I don't have a lot of sex with my wife. From 2x a week to 2x a month or less, there is no foreplay, just 5 to 10 minutes of sex. She enjoys it, but her libido is way lower and I think our "mismatch" in drive only made it worse. I have to admit I understand that she may have felt unappreciated when I asked for sex again the day after we had sex. It makes me crave for more, whereas she has had her dose for the week. She s more an individual person, I need more affection and have a higher drive. She doesn t get turned on by kisses or whatever, doesn t want morning sex, only at home, in bed, same position, no texting etc. She blames me for only thinking about sex, but as said she s the opposite of me on that regard. She thinks only *****s dress sexy which I find very sad because I like it when women dress up (not over the top) etc.
- Both of above made me to hyperfocus on this now. It became an impasse, since my wife doesn t want to change. It seems like the only way out is divorce, unless if I could deal with it in another way.

Suspicious1, how do you deal with it?


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