# Do women cheat for just sex like men do?



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.

BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?

I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


Highly doubt it. 
As far as I can tell, women typically cheat for the thrill/emotional excitement, romantic/sexual connection, boredom, disenchantment with partner, attempt to trade up - as opposed to just sexual gratification.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


Not for the same reasons, but probably just as often.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Of course they do, along with all the other reasons men do. 

They cheat because they want to and they can, and because it feels good for a while at least. 

In general sex is just as much a part of that as anything else, though to what level will vary. 

Don't over complicated it.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


I don't think it's ever "just sex" for either women OR men. I believe that sex satisfies different needs for each person in a relationship, and it's those needs that they are craving to have met when they choose to have sex, with anyone.


----------



## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


the lie is 'it's just sex. That is a minimizing statement. If it was just 'sex', then why destroy the person most important to you and destroy your marriage over cok.

Even if it's just 'sex', then who wants to be married to an unpredictable slore.

Bottom line is cheating is cheating. So F the cheaters. It doesn't matter whether it's just sex or not. Next, they'll be at a horse farm hitting the thoroughbreds.

BTW, for men who say the same about it to be about just sex, they are as disgusting.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


I'm convinced women cheat mostly for the same reasons men do.

I've had a lot of offers from women that I didn't believe wanted to make a life with me or anything.

Maybe more women have exit affairs than men though.


----------



## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

I have a counter intuitive take on this.

ALL "affairs" are sexual and ALL of them are emotional.

People usually cheats with someone of their preffered gender, the one that attracts them. So it´s sexual even if it´s not physical.
And as even lust is an emotion, "affairs" are also always emotional.

What IMO is almost always there is a lack of courage.
At least the one to take the risks being it to have what you want as to leave what you don´t. 
Or both as they usually mean the same, regardles the mind acrobacies .


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I think it's rarely "just sex", and that goes for both men and women. Even if they believe it is "just sex", there are likely other things they are missing and trying to find/fill in an unhealthy way. 

So if a woman's husband isn't having sex or isn't having enough of it, she may want to feel desired, close, whatever. It's not just about getting a **** inside her and that's it. The same goes for men, IMO.


----------



## Txquail (Feb 21, 2018)

100% women cheat just as much as men.

If a guy is cheating on his wife/girlfriend, he's doing it with another woman. IF that woman knows he's involved, shes just as guilty as he is whether or not if she's married or not.

There are plenty of women out there that cheat. They cheat on their boyfriend/husbands all the time. My first exwife cheated on me. I've dated lots of women and during the dating period, I would discover many of them were seeing other men at the same time. (They got dumped immediately).

Don't think cheating is a one sided story. BOTH SIDES do it. I think women do it actually more these days as there are more and more articles for women on the "benefits" of cheating.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Lemme put it this way from my own first-hand experiences - in my mid-late 20s I had several MW knocking at my door at various times of the day and night. 

Some were for a night or a couple times.

Some showed up periodically for anywhere from 2-4 years. 

Not a single one of them was there for my babies or to marry me or have a home and family with me. In all but a couple, their H’s were much more financially successful and higher social status than me.

A few are still with their H’s 30 years later. 

Now it can be debated whether anything is truly “just for sex” or whether there are other motivating factors involved,, but they were NOT stopping by my house in the middle of the night for home, marriage and family.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

bobert said:


> I think it's rarely "just sex", and that goes for both men and women. Even if they believe it is "just sex", there are likely other things they are missing and trying to find/fill in an unhealthy way.
> 
> So if a woman's husband isn't having sex or isn't having enough of it, she may want to feel desired, close, whatever. It's not just about getting a **** inside her and that's it. The same goes for men, IMO.


I've never cheated on anyone. But I don't see why it can't be purely physical. I mean if a sexy woman (the "dream girl") started rubbing on me, I honestly don't know what I'd do. Hopefully run as fast as I can out the door and not look back.

I think for women it's more about being chased again and overall resentment or boredom with their husbands.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I've never cheated on anyone. But I don't see why it can't be purely physical. I mean if a sexy woman (the "dream girl") started rubbing on me, I honestly don't know what I'd do. Hopefully run as fast as I can out the door and not look back.
> 
> I think for women it's more about being chased again and overall resentment or boredom with their husbands.


So you think us men can't control our sexual impulses?


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

bobert said:


> So you think us men can't control our sexual impulses?


It's all about not putting ourselves into that situation which most all cheaters do and why they end up cheating. But if I were in that situation, I don't know what I'd do.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I don't think most women cheat just for sex but some might. The cheater I knew was an attention junkie. She used sex to get attention.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Who knows?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> It's all about not putting ourselves into that situation which most all cheaters do and why they end up cheating. But if I were in that situation, I don't know what I'd do.


You're right, but we can control ourselves even if we randomly and unexpectedly bump into our dream woman and she is begging for the D, putting on all the moves, etc. (Which let's be real, is quite unrealistic but...).

If someone cannot control themselves (or really, chooses not to), it wasn't just because so and so fell right in front of them and they just HAD to have her, have a sexual release, sow their oats, whatever. There are underlying reasons.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

In any of the cases that I have discussed first hand with women that have had affairs; these are the key words they used:

intimacy
a connection (aka intimacy)
attention (taken for granted, ignored at home)
lonely

They never said 'just sex' but undoubtedly, sex was or became a huge factor. Most to all, indicated dead bedroom (they longed for intimacy and sexuality but husband didn't), or complete loss of attraction

I suspect quite often it could indeed be the same reasons, but associated with very different descriptors.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

bobert said:


> You're right, but we can control ourselves even if we randomly and unexpectedly bump into our dream woman and she is begging for the D, putting on all the moves, etc. (Which let's be real, is quite unrealistic but...).
> 
> If someone cannot control themselves (or really, chooses not to), it wasn't just because so and so fell right in front of them and they just HAD to have her, have a sexual release, sow their oats, whatever. There are underlying reasons.


I dont think so, just testosterone and maybe lots of booze for a scenario like that to take place. You can control oneself but if you wait a split second too long it maybe too late. The wrong head takes over. No matter how strong your marriage is or how affair proof you may think you are. In that unlikely situation when you face certain temptation, you run, you run as fast as you can.


----------



## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

The one woman I know who had a long-term affair did it for sex. She was a highly sexual woman (always had been) and her husband had issues around sex (PTSD). At the time she told me about it, she said that they had sex once in the last year. She told him that if he didn't meet her needs she would look elsewhere. He didn't, so she did. She still loved her husband and didn't want to divorce him. In her mind, she didn't feel like she was cheating, because she had made her intentions very clear. On the other hand, she didn't actually tell him when she started her affair. 

I am not saying I agree with her choices. I am just telling you one story that I know.


----------



## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

During my long working career, I saw many instances of women who cheated at work. Mostly, they cheated with younger men. Yep, I saw my fair share of cougars in action. Theses 'work' affairs were conducted during the day, and for the most part, during long lunch hours.

The men around me that were cheating were into the 'younger' naive type of women. These affairs took place at any time, night and day, and especially on business trips. I have NO idea how they got away with it with their wives. A few ended in heartbreak when their wives finally found out.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Deejo said:


> In any of the cases that I have discussed first hand with women that have had affairs; these are the key words they used:
> 
> intimacy
> a connection (aka intimacy)
> ...


Attention and words of affirmation was my ex's excuse. But it only became a dead bedroom because of her, not me. Honestly I think she was just checked out and on the market but forgot to tell me.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I've never cheated on anyone. But I don't see why it can't be purely physical. I mean if a sexy woman (the "dream girl") started rubbing on me, I honestly don't know what I'd do. Hopefully run as fast as I can out the door and not look back.
> 
> I think for women it's more about being chased again and overall resentment or boredom with their husbands.


I can honestly say that I am happy enough in my marriage and sex life that I would decline any sexual advances from any lady. I wouldn't even think about it.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I can honestly say that I am happy enough in my marriage and sex life that I would decline any sexual advances from any lady. I wouldn't even think about it.


Then both you and your wife deserve a great deal of credit. I mean that honestly. I can remember being in that place. Feeling that the marriage was unshakeable. Twice, sadly. Don't ever take it for granted.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Interesting replies everyone...thanks!

I don't have any experience with cheating on either my part, my ex wife or my current wife hence my questions.

And I have never had any women come onto me or hit on me for anything related to sexual attention so maybe I am lucky I have been spared that? Sure when I was in my 20s if some women wanted me just for sex regardless of her age or martial status I would have obliged but it never happened. But now some 30 years later, thats not a concern.

I guess being ugly and not a 'ladies man" has some moral benefits?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

BlueWoman said:


> The one woman I know who had a long-term affair did it for sex. She was a highly sexual woman (always had been) and her husband had issues around sex (PTSD). At the time she told me about it, she said that they had sex once in the last year. She told him that if he didn't meet her needs she would look elsewhere. He didn't, so she did. She still loved her husband and didn't want to divorce him. In her mind, she didn't feel like she was cheating, because she had made her intentions very clear. On the other hand, she didn't actually tell him when she started her affair.


Sounds like one of the WW I knew. 

Her H had real bad PE and refused to do anything about it and refused to do anything else for her and did not really do foreplay or do anything to please her. 

She timed him one time and from the time they went from watching tv on the couch and one of them (probably her) said “heydoyawanna?” until he was done and went back to watching TV was 4 minutes and a few odd seconds.

She would occasionally talk about her “open marriage” and she would say things about “when I opened up our marriage...”

One day I just came out and asked her if he had any kind of girlfriend or FWB or anything and her reply was literally, “oh no! He would NEVER do anything like that!! “ 

And when I asked if he knew she was spending a number of afternoons at my place on her way home, her reply was, “no, there’s no reason for him to know that.” 

She didn’t consider it cheating since he got everything he wanted and it was all fine and dandy for him. She considered it an open marriage to get her needs met since she wasn’t getting those needs met at home.

He just wasn’t aware she was getting those needs addressed elsewhere.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I guess being ugly and not a 'ladies man" has some moral benefits?



Im not agreeing that you are ugly. 

But rather challenging the notion that lack of opportunity = morality.

You can possibly say you are untested. But to claim morality, there must be some conscious choice based upon weighing the moral risks and benefits. 

The old radio shock-jock Mancow always used to say, “Those that never cheat - can’t.” 

Now that’s not true and he was just saying that for radio ratings, but if one has never had a bona fide temptation and opportunity to sin, can they really claim to be virtuous?


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Deejo said:


> In any of the cases that I have discussed first hand with women that have had affairs


Are these discussions something you have regularly?


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BlueWoman said:


> She still *loved her husband* and *didn't want to divorce him*. I*n her mind, she didn't feel like she was cheating*, because she had made her intentions very clear. On the other hand, she didn't actually tell him when she started her affair.


People can always justify whatever they do. Shoplifting isn't wrong because the store has more money than they need. Cheating isn't really wrong because my spouse doesn't do it for me.. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Despicable.

The only person she loved was herself. One can only hope people like that eventually are run over by the karma bus.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I guess being ugly and not a 'ladies man" has some moral benefits?


More likely being in the "wrong" place at the "wrong" time, not running with the wild crowd. Not hanging out with the wild women. Of course you can be thankful you missed out on some of the downsides. Like fathering a bunch of kids out of wedlock or catching a horrible disease or being killed by an irate husband/boyfriend.

*Believing* oneself to be "ugly" and not attractive to the opposite sex ( not sure what a "ladies man" even is ) radiates to other people. "Vibes". "*As* *you* think, so shall you *be*" .


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> Im not agreeing that you are ugly.
> 
> But rather challenging the notion that lack of opportunity = morality.
> 
> ...


"Morality" was the only word I could think of in that example. I guess you could enter any synonym in its place one see as being the right thing to do without being "moral"? Correctness, righteousness, goodness, integrity, etc


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> More likely being in the "wrong" place at the "wrong" time, not running with the wild crowd. Not hanging out with the wild women. Of course you can be thankful you missed out on some of the downsides. Like fathering a bunch of kids out of wedlock or catching a horrible disease or being killed by an irate husband/boyfriend.
> 
> *Believing* oneself to be "ugly" and not attractive to the opposite sex ( not sure what a "ladies man" even is ) radiates to other people. "Vibes". "*As* *you* think, so shall you *be*" .


Well I know I am not ugly (just an example) as I did date a number of women between marriages but you are probably right in the other aspects as I pretty much don't have any contact with women once I remarried so never really "tested" if you will. Which has worked out well I suppose?


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Im not agreeing that you are ugly.
> 
> But rather challenging the notion that lack of opportunity = morality.
> 
> ...


As long as you are a Western man, you have plenty of opportunity in the world to cheat, if that's what you're inclined to do.
There are plenty of women in places, like the Philippines, that would enjoy your company for the night for $30 so they can feed their family.
I've been there, but I never did that. Although I could have if I wanted to.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

jonty30 said:


> As long as you are a Western man, you have plenty of opportunity in the world to cheat, if that's what you're inclined to do.
> There are plenty of women in places, like the Philippines, that would enjoy your company for the night for $30 so they can feed their family.
> I've been there, but I never did that. Although I could have if I wanted to.


I disagree that all men have plenty of opportunity to cheat. And I don't think it has anything to do with whether one is from the west or the east. 

Some guys can't regardless of how much they want to or how hard they think they try. 

Can they pay for it? Yeah probably but then it is on a whole other level. 

And if someone doesn't want to, then it's not really a temptation.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> I disagree that all men have plenty of opportunity to cheat. And I don't think it has anything to do with whether one is from the west or the east.
> 
> Some guys can't regardless of how much they want to or how hard they think they try.
> 
> ...


They don't necessarily have a good opportunity in their society, because they don't compare well to the other men in their society.
However, if they go to a different society where they compare favourably to other men there, they could cheat.
In general, men pay. Whether it be a movie and a date or straight-up cash, they are paying. 
Only a very few men could convince a women, without shelling out resources, to spend some time with him.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ah_sorandy said:


> During my long working career, I saw many instances of women who cheated at work.


During my working career I saw many instances of both genders and all ages cheating. For sex in all cases, at least at the start. Never saw a divorce or marriage result from any of them, although one single female went to her married AP's house, knocked on the door and told his wife she was efn him and wanted him full time. 

Sometimes was surprised we actually accomplished any actual work.

To the topic of the thread, I believe most of both genders like sex (which is why we have 8 billion people on the planer) and if they aren't getting it at home it is quite likely that sooner or later they will get it away from home. I also believe that both genders are prone to cheat if another aspect is missing, like the emotional component. The emotional bond is maybe more important for females, there have been several threads where that lack was cited as a major reason by a female wayward. One notable acknowledged she pursued her AP and initiated repeated trysts with him despite the fact her husband was better in every respect sexually.


----------



## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

I've always believed sex is rarely just sex, even back in our younger days when we might go home with someone we just met after a night out. There's something you're looking to fill (no pun intended!). Whether it be your own ego or you just need human contact.

Men are more likely to not admit to themselves that physical contact/closeness is important to them, especially when younger, so chalking them up as "conquests" is par for the course.

That said, there are definitely those who detach themselves from sex, and essentially use it or their partners as a lazy form of masturbation. My own ex wife is a good example. The last few years we were together, we still had sex several times a week, but it was ALWAYS just a quickie. Literally pants off, put it in (her face down 99% of the time), and done. Her choice, not mine, and almost always initiated by her.

She obviously had a high sex drive, but had lost her emotional connection to me, so this was her way of getting what she needed without being close. I didn't quite think of it that way when it was happening, but the realization came after she left for another guy. Lesson learned!


----------



## weysally (Sep 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


a lot of women cheat almost for the same reason men do,
1/ men cheat mainly just to see if they can get a certain married woman or single woman,
2/ women cheat to see if they can still attract another man , 
there are a lot of other reasons but I think these are the main reasons,
luckily I don't have to cheat, we are in a controlled open marriage


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

weysally said:


> a lot of women cheat almost for the same reason men do,
> 1/ men cheat mainly just to see if they can get a certain married woman or single woman,
> 2/ women cheat to see if they can still attract another man ,
> there are a lot of other reasons but I think these are the main reasons,
> luckily I don't have to cheat, we are in a controlled open marriage


You make good points. What’s a “controlled open marriage”?


----------



## weysally (Sep 7, 2020)

to us it means that I and my husband John can have sex with others, but we have to be comfortable with the other one, 
say John wants a certain woman, I may not like her, so that is a no no, same the other way round,


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

weysally said:


> to us it means that I and my husband John can have sex with others, but we have to be comfortable with the other one,
> say John wants a certain woman, I may not like her, so that is a no no, same the other way round,


Gotcha. If it works, don’t “fix” it!


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


One thing i learned was to not ask my wife if she had an affair. I was suspicious about 15 years ago as she "had to go to work every Saturday" for about a year. I was wondering. Not a smart question to ask.


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

So you just didn’t want to know?


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> One thing i learned was to not ask my wife if she had an affair. I was suspicious as she "had to go to work every Saturday" for about a year. I was wondering. Not a smart question to ask. Lesson learned.


So you learned to keep a GPS device on her vehicle and a VARS underneath the front seat and kept quiet.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> So you learned to keep a GPS device on her vehicle and a VARS underneath the front seat and kept quiet.


LOL Nah. all good.it did come up the other day - years later cuz wives never forget - and I simply said "I was suspicious" and kinda left it at that. Sheesh. they do have memories.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

snowbum said:


> So you just didn’t want to know?


I was curious cuz it seemed odd. She did deny it fast, too fast as the saying goes. If she did have an affair, well, women can hide things much better than men can. Looking back, i think my imagination got the best of me. Don't really think she was stepping out.


----------



## weysally (Sep 7, 2020)

women like me enjoy sex, and if things crop up then some will, like men, now my husband and I are open, one day one the spur of the moment I had sex with an employee of my husband, the only thing is every time I went to tell my husband about it, something cropped up, eventually I told him, he was angry at first because our rule was no close relatives or friends, but my husband had been away in Germany for a couple of weeks and I was sexy


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

weysally said:


> women like me enjoy sex, and if things crop up then some will, like men, now my husband and I are open, one day one the spur of the moment I had sex with an employee of my husband, the only thing is every time I went to tell my husband about it, something cropped up, eventually I told him, he was angry at first because our rule was no close relatives or friends, but my husband had been away in Germany for a couple of weeks and I was sexy


basic human need must be satisfied


----------



## Hurthusband77 (May 9, 2021)

I believe that women will cheat for just sex as much as men will. Just read the adultery sub on Reddit. Most posters are female and along with the emotional dribble, many of them discuss how amazing the sex. In fact, there is a lot of discussion on this topic on that sub Reddit. A lot of the female posters get quite irate when people assume they are in it for the “emotional” part.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Hurthusband77 said:


> I believe that women will cheat for just sex as much as men will. Just read the adultery sub on Reddit. Most posters are female and along with the emotional dribble, many of them discuss how amazing the sex. In fact, there is a lot of discussion on this topic on that sub Reddit. A lot of the female posters get quite irate when people assume they are in it for the “emotional” part.


"girls just wanna have fun" - Cindi Lauper


----------



## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Rus47 said:


> The only person she loved was herself. One can only hope people like that eventually are run over by the karma bus.


I don’t know if that is true in her case. She was a very sexual person when they got married. He knew this. He just wouldn’t have sex with her. 

I guess her option was to divorce him, but she was the one who made the money in the home and they hadn’t been married long enough for him to qualify for any financial support. If she had actually divorced him he would have been screwed. 

I mean, if I were describing a man in the same situation I think people would be more sympathetic. 

They did end up divorcing over a completely different issue. And she did pay him spousal support for a few years.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I can honestly say that I am happy enough in my marriage and sex life that I would decline any sexual advances from any lady. I wouldn't even think about it.


Same here, I could get a young hot thang, but I love my wife. We have a connection where we can basically read each other's mind, almost like we are connected like twins. You love is beyond anything I had ever experienced before. 

I had a female deputy hit on me once about what I was wearing, I just thanked her and left. Was not till I got in my truck that it hit me, the way she gave the compliment was very forward. She was hitting on me! Made me very self confidence and kind of creeped out feeling like a prey animal.

Even if my marriage were not so awesome, I would not entertain advances as it violates MY moral code. I see black and white, wrong or right.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

thedude3535 said:


> I've always believed sex is rarely just sex, even back in our younger days when we might go home with someone we just met after a night out. There's something you're looking to fill (no pun intended!). Whether it be your own ego or you just need human contact.


I was a guy that had emotion attached to sex. Luckily before my wife, the girls were just riding the 🐓🎠 and were not wanting relationships yet or I would have been married before I met my wife.


----------



## weysally (Sep 7, 2020)

well John my husband have a sort of controlled open marriage, we can have sex with another if we want, but we have to make certain that the other is comfortable with it, women like to have sex as well as men, and there are a lot that don't get emotional about it,


----------



## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I've never cheated on anyone. But I don't see why it can't be purely physical. I mean if a sexy woman (the "dream girl") started rubbing on me, I honestly don't know what I'd do. Hopefully run as fast as I can out the door and not look back.


Maybe if you saw your wife a the "dream girl" you wouldn't have to wonder.


----------



## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> ...do many cheat for just sex like men?


I've never seen a survey on why men cheat, but I suspect women cheat for the same reasons, including sex. Why do some men seem to think women aren't just as interested in sex? I think I know the answer, but I'll keep that to myself.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

jenny_1 said:


> I've never seen a survey on why men cheat, but I suspect women cheat for the same reasons, including sex. Why do some men seem to think women aren't just as interested in sex? I think I know the answer, but I'll keep that to myself.


keeping secrets? Love to hear the answer. I do know there is a lack of interest. I've heard "I didn't think of that" or "I'm not feeling it" or, just Friday night, "I'm just not interested tonight." The worst was "i forgot you need a pill" when we had a rapidly closing window one evening. You mean that pill I've needed for five years? LOL


----------



## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I do know there is a lack of interest. I've heard "I didn't think of that" or "I'm not feeling it" or, just Friday night, "I'm just not interested tonight."


Please don't tell me you're saying husbands never say this to their wives.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

jenny_1 said:


> Please don't tell me you're saying husbands never say this to their wives.


I never have. Not in 28 years of marriage. I'd say "yes" if I broke my leg that day.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jenny_1 said:


> Please don't tell me you're saying husbands never say this to their wives.


I certainly have.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

jenny_1 said:


> Why do some men seem to think women aren't just as interested in sex? I


First hand experience maybe.


----------



## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> First hand experience maybe.


Fair enough. So if your wife doesn't like broccoli you assume all women don't like broccoli? Personal experience only applies to YOUR wife, not all women. Women are just as interested in sex as men are. Some are probably MORE interested!!


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

jenny_1 said:


> Fair enough. So if your wife doesn't like broccoli you assume all women don't like broccoli? Personal experience only applies to YOUR wife, not all women. Women are just as interested in sex as men are. Some are probably MORE interested!!


I never said ALL women don't like sex. 

I just said personal experience shows that not ALL women are interested in sex.



jenny_1 said:


> Women are just as interested in sex as men are


What I was alluding to is this statement is not true for all women.


----------



## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I never said ALL women don't like sex.
> 
> I just said personal experience shows that not ALL women are interested in sex.
> 
> ...


I guess by asking the question "do women cheat for sex", you are questioning if women in general are as interested in sex as men are in general. So, now tell me why you think women in general might not be interested in sex.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Based upon my experience and circle of friends, men cheat for sex and women cheat for attention.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

weysally said:


> women cheat to see if they can still attract another man


Profundity


----------



## weysally (Sep 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I never said ALL women don't like sex.
> 
> I just said personal experience shows that not ALL women are interested in sex.
> 
> ...


referring to Florida Guy, why not also say that not all men are interested in sex, its the same for both genders, as for me I do like sex, not just the full sex but also the flirting etc,


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> Highly doubt it.
> As far as I can tell, women typically cheat for the thrill/emotional excitement, romantic/sexual connection, boredom, disenchantment with partner, attempt to trade up - as opposed to just sexual gratification.


I must add that I am sure some men also cheat for more than just sexual gratification. That kind of cheating (just for sex, or lust,) I usually done with hookers.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Women are just as prone to getting tingles from other men and getting their infidelity badge just for the sex, especially if they have been in long term relationships with their SO's and one or both of them haven't been putting in the effort to sustain and grow their mutual attraction.

Men aren't the only ones who fall to the feeling of new sex attraction.


----------



## thenerdguy (1 mo ago)

Im am sure most women like and want sex as much as men and even in some cases want it more.

Im sure there are situations where a women would cheat for just sex. I have actually experienced it first hand. Hookups and then later in life women trying but I shut them down.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


My issue is what is meant by just cheating for sex? Like when someone hires a prostitute? I didn’t cheat just to have an orgasm. I can go to prostitutes if that’s all I want. I think the reasons for cheating are basically the same two to five reasons. Yes I’ve seen the writings about 100 reasons why men cheat. 50 reasons why happily married people cheat, etc. But when I cheated I also wanted thrill and excitement, to be appreciated, to try something new, etc. It wasn’t just one reason, especially the reason of just having an orgasm. I think people are thinking inside a box sometimes.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

DonJuan said:


> I must add that I am sure some men also cheat for more than just sexual gratification. That kind of cheating (just for sex, or lust,) I usually done with hookers.





RebuildingMe said:


> Based upon my experience and circle of friends, men cheat for sex and women cheat for attention.


This man needs attention and sex, and kindness, and ….


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

jenny_1 said:


> I've never seen a survey on why men cheat, but I suspect women cheat for the same reasons, including sex. Why do some men seem to think women aren't just as interested in sex? I think I know the answer, but I'll keep that to myself.


They haven’t learned it yet.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Another thread got me curious as many opine that if a woman wants more sex than her man, she will find it elsewhere.
> 
> BUT do as many women cheat just for sex as men do?
> 
> I don't know hence my question. I always believed women cheat for other reasons but do many cheat for just sex like men?


Isn’t that what the dating site Ashley Madison is all about. They say that most of the cheating involves someone willing to engage in oral sex. I wonder if the number of people cheating for oral sex is constantly going up every year.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> Highly doubt it.
> As far as I can tell, women typically cheat for the thrill/emotional excitement, romantic/sexual connection, boredom, disenchantment with partner, attempt to trade up - as opposed to just sexual gratification.


I really think that men typically cheat for some or all of those excuses or reasons too.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

DonJuan said:


> I really think that men typically cheat for some or all of those excuses or reasons too.


If a man is having sex with a woman for just sexual gratification, then that doesn’t say much good about the woman, and makes her sound like a prostitute.


----------



## Griswold (2 mo ago)

Interesting thread. Having stumbled upon the various infidelity sites, I found them fascinating and read through the big ones (SI, TAM , Love Shack, Reddit). Addictive. What fascinates me is the "cross talk." Florida's question is one of the big ones. Men simply interpret things (on average) one way, women (on average) the other. It's not cultural, or the patriarchy etc. It's almost certainly wiring. To the average man, an affair simply HAS to be about sex. The logic is inescapable to us. There is a book (Why Women Have Sex) by two very respected researchers (Buss and Meston) which lays out over 230 reasons women have sex. If I recall correctly, Meston said in a pod cast that when they white boarded reasons for men to have sex....the number was in the single digits. When it comes to sex, women are interdimensional beings from another universe. This seems to be inescapably true. But Men simply will never grok this. I will never grok this. After a wife's affair, it would seem wisest for her to realize that she is going to have to approach any chance at reconciliation at GROKs level. Her multi-dimensional plea that is was about the kibbles etc is simply incomprehensible to wounded groks. Maybe later they can communicate better. But early on....it's about the grok (sex)
Other topics - it depresses me that Old shirt is probably right. Some guys are (i.e. me!) are just not going to be pursued by women for affairs. Not that I would entertain one. But the ego....  In 34 years of marriage I have been approached exactly once for an unequivocal sexual side show. Once. I declined. But once??  My wife was hit on relentlessly. By other married men. Now I never "hit" on women while married. But I've spent my life working with them. From a hypergamy perspective, I'm a catch. I don't break mirrors; I'm fit; I'm affluent; I have a high status degree etc. I have a better than average sense of humor. But nope. Not me. No interest. My wife has had to do all the deflecting (gosh I hope!) . Here I am sounding disappointed. I should be happier


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Griswold said:


> Some guys are (i.e. me!) are just not going to be pursued by women for affairs.


Wouldn’t it be actually be most guys? I have always thought there were subtle unconscious body language/looks/something indications that others unconsciously pick up on. If a person doesn't project those signs then there is no interaction.

Your wife would be more likely to pick up on interest in you from other females than you would be. My wife has commented about that, and it wasnt anything I noticed.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

Griswold said:


> Interesting thread. Having stumbled upon the various infidelity sites, I found them fascinating and read through the big ones (SI, TAM , Love Shack, Reddit). Addictive. What fascinates me is the "cross talk." Florida's question is one of the big ones. Men simply interpret things (on average) one way, women (on average) the other. It's not cultural, or the patriarchy etc. It's almost certainly wiring. To the average man, an affair simply HAS to be about sex. The logic is inescapable to us. There is a book (Why Women Have Sex) by two very respected researchers (Buss and Meston) which lays out over 230 reasons women have sex. If I recall correctly, Meston said in a pod cast that when they white boarded reasons for men to have sex....the number was in the single digits. When it comes to sex, women are interdimensional beings from another universe. This seems to be inescapably true. But Men simply will never grok this. I will never grok this. After a wife's affair, it would seem wisest for her to realize that she is going to have to approach any chance at reconciliation at GROKs level. Her multi-dimensional plea that is was about the kibbles etc is simply incomprehensible to wounded groks. Maybe later they can communicate better. But early on....it's about the grok (sex)
> Other topics - it depresses me that Old shirt is probably right. Some guys are (i.e. me!) are just not going to be pursued by women for affairs. Not that I would entertain one. But the ego....  In 34 years of marriage I have been approached exactly once for an unequivocal sexual side show. Once. I declined. But once??  My wife was hit on relentlessly. By other married men. Now I never "hit" on women while married. But I've spent my life working with them. From a hypergamy perspective, I'm a catch. I don't break mirrors; I'm fit; I'm affluent; I have a high status degree etc. I have a better than average sense of humor. But nope. Not me. No interest. My wife has had to do all the deflecting (gosh I hope!) . Here I am sounding disappointed. I should be happier


Actually I’m reading the book and it says 237 reasons humans have sex, so this would include men too. I’m bored, for fun, pain killer, and losing weight were just a few listed and I figured I could get all four or more of those reasons in on a one night stand. Maybe even ten of them. Both sexes will have sex with ugly people. Maybe there is a list that only works for one sex, like because she was pregnant. But, I guess either sex could have sex for that reason too.


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

There are shows on YouTube whereas a boyfriend supported by a crew put their girlfriends to a test.
An actor hot looking guy is hired pretending to be rich and the girlfriend is placed in a situation where she is alone with the guy or is approached in a street and the guy hits on her while the boyfriend is watching and listening the whole time on a hidden camera.
The majority of these women fail and fall for the bait ready to date and sleep with the guy.
So yes, women will cheat solely for sexual pleasure if they fancy a guy or guys, maybe even more so than men.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> Wouldn’t it be actually be most guys? I have always thought there were subtle unconscious body language/looks/something indications that others unconsciously pick up on. If a person doesn't project those signs then there is no interaction.
> 
> Your wife would be more likely to pick up on interest in you from other females than you would be. My wife has commented about that, and it wasnt anything I noticed.


I have been completely naive before and it was not till later that it hit me. Holy crap that woman was being rather forward! I took it originally as being nice and complimentary, but I thought later about her demeanor/tone whatever. I have had other girls stare and felt like I was being undressed. I kinda wanted to say quit looking at me! I ignored best I could and got the heck out of there.


----------



## Griswold (2 mo ago)

I have noticed as I age, that if I wear a suit and have a very fresh haircut, one or two women will spend more time than I am accustomed to staring at me. Not being forward or hitting on me. Just noticing. I dutifully report these staring incidents to wife (tongue in cheek) and she mocks me for being too hot etc. But no nice haircut or suit has rendered me irresistible to the point where women actually approach me. When that happens...I will report instantly to my wife. With a stupid grin on my face. 
The Buss / Meston book is specifically about why Women have sex. They did intend originally to title the book something on the lines of why people or why humans have sex. But as they did their work, they realized that men are pretty simple to comprehend. Women's sexuality was vastly more complex. Writing a book on why men have sex would be a pamphlet. But they devoted an entire book to women. I think reading TAM and the infidelity sites sees this dynamic play out. Part of the reason I read the book was to understand my wife better (and to make sense of the various stories I've hit on the infidelity sites). NOt sure it helped much (i'm a simple grok). But it was an interesting read.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Griswold said:


> I have noticed as I age, that if I wear a suit and have a very fresh haircut, one or two women will spend more time than I am accustomed to staring at me. Not being forward or hitting on me. Just noticing. I dutifully report these staring incidents to wife (tongue in cheek) and she mocks me for being too hot etc. But no nice haircut or suit has rendered me irresistible to the point where women actually approach me. When that happens...I will report instantly to my wife. With a stupid grin on my face.
> The Buss / Meston book is specifically about why Women have sex. They did intend originally to title the book something on the lines of why people or why humans have sex. But as they did their work, they realized that men are pretty simple to comprehend. Women's sexuality was vastly more complex. Writing a book on why men have sex would be a pamphlet. But they devoted an entire book to women. I think reading TAM and the infidelity sites sees this dynamic play out. Part of the reason I read the book was to understand my wife better (and to make sense of the various stories I've hit on the infidelity sites). NOt sure it helped much (i'm a simple grok). But it was an interesting read.


We have to keep in mind that men and women are different. As men we tend to think that if a woman were to hit on us that she would do it in a manner that a man would hit on a woman. That may or may not be a valid assumption. Women can often signal their interest in manners that are too subtle for men to recognize..... but other women can. 

A woman may make some signals to a man and he may be completely clueless to it, but other women will see her as brazen and over the top.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> There are shows on YouTube whereas a boyfriend supported by a crew put their girlfriends to a test.
> An actor hot looking guy is hired pretending to be rich and the girlfriend is placed in a situation where she is alone with the guy or is approached in a street and the guy hits on her while the boyfriend is watching and listening the whole time on a hidden camera.
> The majority of these women fail and fall for the bait ready to date and sleep with the guy.
> So yes, women will cheat solely for sexual pleasure if they fancy a guy or guys, maybe even more so than men.


My question is, “is someone, male or female, who is going to cheat for pleasure, concerned about their finances”? I wouldn’t be concerned about whether they are poor or rich if I was cheating for pleasure. Wouldn’t that be true for females also? Or some of them?


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

346745 said:


> One thing i learned was to not ask my wife if she had an affair. I was suspicious about 15 years ago as she "had to go to work every Saturday" for about a year. I was wondering. Not a smart question to ask.


What if they had an STD? I couldn’t kiss someone if they were doing someone else. But, if you don’t want to know, or would rather know after getting an STD, well, that’s your right.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

Griswold said:


> I have noticed as I age, that if I wear a suit and have a very fresh haircut, one or two women will spend more time than I am accustomed to staring at me. Not being forward or hitting on me. Just noticing. I dutifully report these staring incidents to wife (tongue in cheek) and she mocks me for being too hot etc. But no nice haircut or suit has rendered me irresistible to the point where women actually approach me. When that happens...I will report instantly to my wife. With a stupid grin on my face.
> The Buss / Meston book is specifically about why Women have sex. They did intend originally to title the book something on the lines of why people or why humans have sex. But as they did their work, they realized that men are pretty simple to comprehend. Women's sexuality was vastly more complex. Writing a book on why men have sex would be a pamphlet. But they devoted an entire book to women. I think reading TAM and the infidelity sites sees this dynamic play out. Part of the reason I read the book was to understand my wife better (and to make sense of the various stories I've hit on the infidelity sites). NOt sure it helped much (i'm a simple grok). But it was an interesting read.


The study by them I’m reading says they surveyed both sexes and participants listed 715 reasons but after researchers deleted repetitions it was 237 reasons. They list the top 9 broad themes for both sexes, and say both sexes share 8 of the top 10 reasons. They also highlight 5 general themes least used by students in the study, which were wanting to harm another, getting resources, enhancing social status, means to a seemingly unrelated end, such as having a headache, or out of duty or pressure.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> We have to keep in mind that men and women are different. As men we tend to think that if a woman were to hit on us that she would do it in a manner that a man would hit on a woman. That may or may not be a valid assumption. Women can often signal their interest in manners that are too subtle for men to recognize..... but other women can.
> 
> A woman may make some signals to a man and he may be completely clueless to it, but other women will see her as brazen and over the top.


It’s a valid assumption. Remember, that subtle response by a woman will probably get a subtle response back by a man, but it might matter if they’re are spouses around or not, a single man doesn’t have to worry about his wife noticing his subtle response back.


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

DonJuan said:


> My question is, “is someone, male or female, who is going to cheat for pleasure, concerned about their finances”? I wouldn’t be concerned about whether they are poor or rich if I was cheating for pleasure. Wouldn’t that be true for females also? Or some of them?


In those shows the boyfriends are mostly nice guys. 
There are women that like the support and security of the good guys and to party with the bad guys, this is often the case with cheating wives.
So both men and women can cheat for pleasure except that women will not want to be caught concerned about their financial support and the men don`t want to be caught in fear of having a lot to lose under the divorce system that mostly favours women, especially if there are children involved.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> In those shows the boyfriends are mostly nice guys.
> There are women that like the support and security of the good guys and to party with the bad guys, this is often the case with cheating wives.
> So both men and women can cheat for pleasure except that women will not want to be caught concerned about their financial support and the men don`t want to be caught in fear of having a lot to lose under the divorce system that mostly favours women, especially if there are children involved.


I’m just asking politely if what you mean by “caught concerned about their financial support” means they might lose a husband paying all the bills? If they were caught cheating by the bread winning husband? My ex always made more than me so I never had to be concerned about alimony, and fortunately I didn’t make a lot of $ either so my child support was about as low as it gets. But that system your talking about is what kept me from wanting to make more $, especially after talking to guys who were paying a lot more in child support than I was, and weren’t really making any extra towards their new family.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

For whatever reason a lot of people want to downplay the sex part of infidelity when it comes to a woman's motivation to cheat. I really can't understand this way of thinking. While not proud of it, I had several affairs when I was married, and to be honest with you, there really isn't much going on there except for sex. I wouldn't describe things as particularly romantic. I guess in a lot of ways, I think people just tell their betrayed husbands it was about attention and compliments and other non-sexual reasons because it sounds better? I really don't know.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

ReformedHubby said:


> For whatever reason a lot of people want to downplay the sex part of infidelity when it comes to a woman's motivation to cheat. I really can't understand this way of thinking. While not proud of it, I had several affairs when I was married, and to be honest with you, there really isn't much going on there except for sex. I wouldn't describe things as particularly romantic. I guess in a lot of ways, I think people just tell their betrayed husbands it was about attention and compliments and other non-sexual reasons because it sounds better? I really don't know.


Maybe it is to achieve the goal of blaming the betrayed spouse, and justifying their deception and adultery. I asked a female therapist how does the betrayed spouse play a part or role in the marriage getting to the point of one spouse cheating? She basically said it was the betrayed spouses fault for the cheating spouse being unhappy. But when I told her I was the one who cheated on my wife with her sister, two days after we married, when I asked what role did my wife play in my choice to cheat, because I was happy, not unhappy, I never got a response back.


----------



## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

Just for sex lol..you know when you get married that you're committing to a life of sex with one person. So the only reason people cheat is because they don't value their spouse enough to make the CHOICE to be faithful.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> For whatever reason a lot of people want to downplay the sex part of infidelity when it comes to a woman's motivation to cheat. I really can't understand this way of thinking. While not proud of it, I had several affairs when I was married, and to be honest with you, there really isn't much going on there except for sex. I wouldn't describe things as particularly romantic. I guess in a lot of ways, I think people just tell their betrayed husbands it was about attention and compliments and other non-sexual reasons because it sounds better? I really don't know.


I laugh when a cheating wife says, it was just sex, I don't love AP. 

OK so it was not for something your spouse does not provide, so it proves they cheated because they wanted to only. Nothing was missing, so they think it makes it not as bad...it makes it worse. So it means sex spouse is giving is not good enough to keep them satisfied so they will be more inclined to continue cheating in the future.


----------



## Griswold (2 mo ago)

Don Juan - do you have a cite for that study? Sounds interesting; I'd love to look. I own the Buss/Meston book. That's the depth of my "research"  Having read about 6 billion infidelity stories, the consistency with which you see the "I traded sex for affection/kibbles/validation etc) is striking. I really don't have any trouble believing it's more or less true. But what seems equally clear that in the context of post - affair, for the BHs it is just irrelevant. To most guys, affairs seem to be about the sex. Period. They won't believe anything different at that stage. I can't blame them. I have no actual infidelity in marriage experience (i hope); I was cheated on in college and know that I went nuclear. To this day it's the only time I can "see" my anger as a color. I saw white. The pain/anguish of BHs (and BWs I'm sure) has to be a million times worse. But in that context - all I could see was that she clearly wanted "that guy" sexually more than me. True or not. Seems that if a WW is going to climb out the hole she dug, she has to confront the reality that most guys are going to focus primarily on the sex, then the lying etc.


----------



## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

gameopoly5 said:


> There are shows on YouTube whereas a boyfriend supported by a crew put their girlfriends to a test.
> An actor hot looking guy is hired pretending to be rich and the girlfriend is placed in a situation where she is alone with the guy or is approached in a street and the guy hits on her while the boyfriend is watching and listening the whole time on a hidden camera.
> The majority of these women fail and fall for the bait ready to date and sleep with the guy.
> So yes, women will cheat solely for sexual pleasure if they fancy a guy or guys, maybe even more so than men.


what is this show called?


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> A woman may make some signals to a man and he may be completely clueless to it, but other women will see her as brazen and over the top.


Any women here care to give some examples of this?

How about you oldshirt?


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Any women here care to give some examples of this?
> 
> How about you oldshirt?


I've noticed women have various ways of hitting on me. One type of woman is just brazen and obvious, a few quick compliments and quickly moving to physical contact bicep squeeze hand on chest hand on thigh if sitting etc. Then there is the F me with your eyes non verbal hitting on. Then theres the woman who plays the long game strikes up a friendly conversation asking me about my wife looking for an opening to make herself to have more attractive traits than my wife.

The most brazen group to have ever hit on me has been gay men.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

happyhusband0005 said:


> The most brazen group to have ever hit on me has been gay men.


They may be gay but they’re still dudes.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

Griswold said:


> Don Juan - do you have a cite for that study? Sounds interesting; I'd love to look. I own the Buss/Meston book. That's the depth of my "research"  Having read about 6 billion infidelity stories, the consistency with which you see the "I traded sex for affection/kibbles/validation etc) is striking. I really don't have any trouble believing it's more or less true. But what seems equally clear that in the context of post - affair, for the BHs it is just irrelevant. To most guys, affairs seem to be about the sex. Period. They won't believe anything different at that stage. I can't blame them. I have no actual infidelity in marriage experience (i hope); I was cheated on in college and know that I went nuclear. To this day it's the only time I can "see" my anger as a color. I saw white. The pain/anguish of BHs (and BWs I'm sure) has to be a million times worse. But in that context - all I could see was that she clearly wanted "that guy" sexually more than me. True or not. Seems that if a WW is going to climb out the hole she dug, she has to confront the reality that most guys are going to focus primarily on the sex, then the lying etc.


I’ll try to find it, but I just wanted to clear up the assertions that men can have sex for 9 reasons but women have 230. That really makes women sound bad. I was sure if there really is that many, that having sex because I’m bored, to lose weight, cure a headache, etc, these can be used by anyone. I think guys who just want an orgasm probably go to prostitutes. I cheated 10 times, half were hookers, the other half couple one night stands, and other. But it was only with hookers that it was only about sex. I think men like attention too.


----------



## Griswold (2 mo ago)

Thanks. I'd love to see it. My take away from the book and from the Ev Psych literature generally is that , in fact, women are wired for sex differently than men. I don't think it makes women "bad." Simply different. What fascinates me though is the cross talk between the sexes. Both genders make assumptions about the other based on their own wiring. Men pooh pooh emotional affairs (on average) , while to women (on average) an EA is crushing. Wayward wives perpetually downplay their affairs saying it was "just sex" (and meaning there was no emotional affair / attachment), not seeming to realize that the average male is far far more concerned with the sex than the emotion. Like wise men are thunderstruck when a wife has a physical revenge affair after discovering a husband's EA. To the guy this seems like using a sledgehammer to solve a problem worthy of a fly swatter. But to the woman...the EA is nuclear. So, I looked at the Buss/Meston book as a way to get insight into the cross talk. Maybe I was just wrong about that.


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

DonJuan said:


> I’m just asking politely if what you mean by “caught concerned about their financial support” means they might lose a husband paying all the bills? If they were caught cheating by the bread winning husband? My ex always made more than me so I never had to be concerned about alimony, and fortunately I didn’t make a lot of $ either so my child support was about as low as it gets. But that system your talking about is what kept me from wanting to make more $, especially after talking to guys who were paying a lot more in child support than I was, and weren’t really making any extra towards their new family.


My mother used to say when women are concerned, if the money goes or their husbands fail to reach their expectations finance wise, than love flies out the window.
With men sex comes into play in relationships, with women it`s sex and money.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

Griswold said:


> Thanks. I'd love to see it. My take away from the book and from the Ev Psych literature generally is that , in fact, women are wired for sex differently than men. I don't think it makes women "bad." Simply different. What fascinates me though is the cross talk between the sexes. Both genders make assumptions about the other based on their own wiring. Men pooh pooh emotional affairs (on average) , while to women (on average) an EA is crushing. Wayward wives perpetually downplay their affairs saying it was "just sex" (and meaning there was no emotional affair / attachment), not seeming to realize that the average male is far far more concerned with the sex than the emotion. Like wise men are thunderstruck when a wife has a physical revenge affair after discovering a husband's EA. To the guy this seems like using a sledgehammer to solve a problem worthy of a fly swatter. But to the woman...the EA is nuclear. So, I looked at the Buss/Meston book as a way to get insight into the cross talk. Maybe I was just wrong about that.


No it doesn’t make men bad either, cause they use those 200+ excuses too I think, which was my point. Do you remember any of the reasons to have sex being as a reason only one gender can use. I understand a man can’t cheat because he’s pregnant, or a woman can’t cheat because she’s unhappy with her beard, but a reason that both can’t use without insulting our intelligence. I’ve no problem being wired differently, but motives are usually similar like with revenge affairs. Now the reasons I’m bored, happy or unhappy, in a good mood or in a bad mood, to cure headaches, pain, stress, etc. these just seem like childish excuses, but, if they look at it as an adult reason, whatever works.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> My mother used to say when women are concerned, if the money goes or their husbands fail to reach their expectations finance wise, than love flies out the window.
> With men sex comes into play in relationships, with women it`s sex and money.


I understand, and with some women it’s “LOTS and LOTS” of money, and sex, others it’s enough $ and sex to get by.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

DonJuan said:


> No it doesn’t make men bad either, cause they use those 200+ excuses too I think, which was my point. Do you remember any of the reasons to have sex being as a reason only one gender can use. I understand a man can’t cheat because he’s pregnant, or a woman can’t cheat because she’s unhappy with her beard, but a reason that both can’t use without insulting our intelligence. I’ve no problem being wired differently, but motives are usually similar like with revenge affairs. Now the reasons I’m bored, happy or unhappy, in a good mood or in a bad mood, to cure headaches, pain, stress, etc. these just seem like childish excuses, but, if they look at it as an adult reason, whatever works.





Griswold said:


> Thanks. I'd love to see it. My take away from the book and from the Ev Psych literature generally is that , in fact, women are wired for sex differently than men. I don't think it makes women "bad." Simply different. What fascinates me though is the cross talk between the sexes. Both genders make assumptions about the other based on their own wiring. Men pooh pooh emotional affairs (on average) , while to women (on average) an EA is crushing. Wayward wives perpetually downplay their affairs saying it was "just sex" (and meaning there was no emotional affair / attachment), not seeming to realize that the average male is far far more concerned with the sex than the emotion. Like wise men are thunderstruck when a wife has a physical revenge affair after discovering a husband's EA. To the guy this seems like using a sledgehammer to solve a problem worthy of a fly swatter. But to the woman...the EA is nuclear. So, I looked at the Buss/Meston book as a way to get insight into the cross talk. Maybe I was just wrong about that.


the entire list of 237 reasons is on that 


Griswold said:


> Thanks. I'd love to see it. My take away from the book and from the Ev Psych literature generally is that , in fact, women are wired for sex differently than men. I don't think it makes women "bad." Simply different. What fascinates me though is the cross talk between the sexes. Both genders make assumptions about the other based on their own wiring. Men pooh pooh emotional affairs (on average) , while to women (on average) an EA is crushing. Wayward wives perpetually downplay their affairs saying it was "just sex" (and meaning there was no emotional affair / attachment), not seeming to realize that the average male is far far more concerned with the sex than the emotion. Like wise men are thunderstruck when a wife has a physical revenge affair after discovering a husband's EA. To the guy this seems like using a sledgehammer to solve a problem worthy of a fly swatter. But to the woman...the EA is nuclear. So, I looked at the Buss/Meston book as a way to get insight into the cross talk. Maybe I was just wrong about that.


the psych central site lists all 237 reasons, if you would like to read em. I’ll pass. But the other details about the list starting at over 700, and after deleting duplicates or maybe what didn’t qualify as a reason, like my hair turned gray, although I could see me using that one, was dwindled down to the low number of 237. Though I didn’t read all 237, I’m just guessing that sexes could pick at least 200 of those. Also a list for top 20 reasons for each. I guess since I cheated first, I couldn’t be mad if she cheated too, I’d feel hypocritical. I thought the bigger excuse for wives was it was emotional, not about sex. This guy needed emotions during sex too, like kindness, happiness, etc. My sex only ones were usually prostitute. My first one was with a married woman giving me the same sob story I was giving her, our needs weren’t being met. After being hit on by married women, I felt like I was the one going to be used sex. Not a good feeling to be used for sex, al least not for me.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

DonJuan said:


> the entire list of 237 reasons is on that
> 
> the psych central site lists all 237 reasons, if you would like to read em. I’ll pass. But the other details about the list starting at over 700, and after deleting duplicates or maybe what didn’t qualify as a reason, like my hair turned gray, although I could see me using that one, was dwindled down to the low number of 237. Though I didn’t read all 237, I’m just guessing that both sexes could pick at least 200 of those. Also a list for top 20 reasons for each. I guess since I cheated first, I couldn’t be mad if she cheated too, I’d feel hypocritical. I thought the bigger excuse for wives was it was emotional, not about sex. This guy needed emotions during sex too, like kindness, happiness, etc. My sex only ones were usually prostitute. My first one was with a married woman giving me the same sob story I was giving her, our needs weren’t being met. After being hit on by married women, I felt like I was the one going to be used for sex. Not a good feeling to be used for sex, al least not for me.


----------



## MIB (Dec 20, 2017)

I’m generalizing here, so it won’t be true for all, but…generally… remember the saying that goes, “Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love”?

Women cheat to fill emotional voids that are not met in their marriages. Attention, doting, validation, being desired, companionship…. When those are being fulfilled, she feels new and it sparks things within her that have been dormant. At that point, sex is freely given, enjoyed, and perpetuates the receiving of what she is wanting and missing. 

That is why many husbands are shocked to find out the guy she was with is not good looking or anything. He doesn’t have to be. He met her true needs. 

At least that is what I have seen, heard, and have been taught.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

MIB said:


> I’m generalizing here, so it won’t be true for all, but…generally… remember the saying that goes, “Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love”?
> 
> Women cheat to fill emotional voids that are not met in their marriages. Attention, doting, validation, being desired, companionship…. When those are being fulfilled, she feels new and it sparks things within her that have been dormant. At that point, sex is freely given, enjoyed, and perpetuates the receiving of what she is wanting and missing.
> 
> ...


He also might be shocked if he was handsome or she was pretty, and met her true needs. I think husbands cheat to meet their true needs too, just like both could cheat for a quickie or some strange. When using sex to get love no longer works with husband and his using love to get sex no longer works for him, is that when they start using their love or sex to get someone else or true needs met? If it is, I understand. Been there, done that, but looking back I think it would fall under childish or immature, when I cheated.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MIB said:


> I’m generalizing here, so it won’t be true for all, but…generally… remember the saying that goes, “Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love”?
> 
> Women cheat to fill emotional voids that are not met in their marriages. Attention, doting, validation, being desired, companionship…. When those are being fulfilled, she feels new and it sparks things within her that have been dormant. At that point, sex is freely given, enjoyed, and perpetuates the receiving of what she is wanting and missing.
> 
> ...


That's both (some) men and (some) women.

I can tell you first hand that women get horny too and sometimes just want to scratch the itch with some guy they find hot.

I don't have enough fingers to count the times a woman wanted to play with no intentions of leaving her husband who she often had children with and otherwise loved and appreciated.

I'm not endorsing that kind of "love" but I am emphasizing that women really aren't that different when it comes to infidelity if given the same opportunities.


----------



## MIB (Dec 20, 2017)

Is why I said, “Generalizing here...” and “…won’t be true for all…”


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> That's both (some) men and (some) women.
> 
> I can tell you first hand that women get horny too and sometimes just want to scratch the itch with some guy they find hot.
> 
> ...


I think all those studies that are done on cheaters motives, could get dishonest answers, coming from deceptive spouses. I’m thinking whether a husband is caught with a hooker, one night stand, or a one month or year affair, he’s still going to tell his wife and counselor if they go, that’s his needs aren’t being met. My first affair was with a married woman who gave me the same line I gave her, my needs aren’t being met. Maybe if there was more emphasis on responsibility for actions, but no one has sex for sex nowadays it seems. Then the responsibility seems to be on the betrayed spouse. That would me make want to cheat first if I had to play that game.


----------



## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> That's both (some) men and (some) women.
> 
> I can tell you first hand that women get horny too and sometimes just want to scratch the itch with some guy they find hot.
> 
> ...


I agree, cause I’ve had married hit on me for sex, even a preachers wife, but I don’t want to be someones nasty sex toy, and deal with the crap that often goes with cheaters.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DonJuan said:


> I agree, cause I’ve had married hit on me for sex, even a preachers wife, but I don’t want to be someones nasty sex toy, and deal with the crap that often goes with cheaters.


I've never been interested in another man's "dinner".😉


----------



## Woundidwife (4 mo ago)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I dont think so, just testosterone and maybe lots of booze for a scenario like that to take place. You can control oneself but if you wait a split second too long it maybe too late. The wrong head takes over. No matter how strong your marriage is or how affair proof you may think you are. In that unlikely situation when you face certain temptation, you run, you run as fast as you can.


Or in my STBXCH’s case, a un ugly, (he said average), chunky (he said “bigger than me”), complete skank (he said “LADY”), came onto him so strongly when he was depressed and drunk that HE JUST COULDN’T RESIST. 

Poor guy. 🙄😡. (Muthafucca)


----------

