# I received closure today even though the D is 2.5 months old



## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

For those who don't know my story I was with my ex for 6 years and only married a year. She left me for her ex who she was with for 5 years prior to our relationship. Very typical scenerio.


She fell out of love...needed space...etc...she fit the cheating spouse to a T. She thought she did nothing wrong because she claims she didn't have sex with the POSom until after the D was final in OCT. There's a lot more to this as with any relationship ending story but these are the main points. 


She acted like we would possibly try to work things out after the Holidays from an email she wrote me in early DEC. Today she said this to me via email:

I don't want to hurt you and I never intended to hurt you. All that has transpired throughout this process has hurt you and for that I sincerely am very sorry. To answer you upfront and truthfully, yes, I do believe it is best for the both of us to continue moving forward with our lives. As I told you the last time we spoke I truly do wish nothing but happiness for you and I wish the best for you. Divorce is hard and I have repeatedly told people I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy. I am very sorry I put us both through it. It brought out the worst in each of us at times, but I am relieved we are not enemies and are amicable. It is hard to deviate from your normal routine and the life you are accustomed to but once you are able to let that go I am confident you will find your happiness. I am a firm believer that something good comes from every bad situation. This has been a very humbling experience for me and I know that in time there will be a silver lining to the clouds in your sky.


My response was this:

You had it easy in this. I was the one who was left. You were never alone as I was and am. I will never call, text, email, or communicate with you again and expect you to do the same after this weekend.
(She's getting the last of her things out this weekend from the marital house which I live in)

Her response was this:

Again, I truly am sorry for all of this. And whether you choose to believe it or not I too was hurt. That being said, I will respect your wishes regarding the no contact and thank you in advance for doing the same.

Hopefully the weather will cooperate and we can arrange to have those items moved this weekend. I will let you know.


And my final email to her was this which I feel a sense of closure now and hope to completely move on at this point:

Well your hurt was primarily caused by the guilt of your actions based off your personality type. You are not truly sorry or I would be coming home tonight to you. I forgive you though. Statistically your chances of a lasting relationship with the affair partner are slim. Once the endorphins wear off (probably Spring to Summer), you will second guess your actions. I think your pride will never allow you to come running back which is good because I wouldn't take you back once the book is shut. The main reason I'm even opening this can of worms is because I also know with your personality type that by me saying what will happen, you will be less inclined to ever come back once you know I was right. I hope you prove me wrong but I do wish you the best either way. Please do realize I do forgive you.


I am hurt still but feel that forgiving her was a big step in my healing process. I have done the 180 and had NC except when she contacts me, this should be over now and I'll be on permanent NC from this weekend on. I won't be there when she moves the final things out either...I'll be leaving her a key under the mat.


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## ilou (Oct 25, 2012)

BC3 said:


> ...I'll be leaving her a key under the mat.


Change the locks after that.


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

ilou,


I will be doing that for sure. I had been holding on to a slimmer of hope that we would work things out for the past few months...I now woke up with a different (better) feeling today. I've been doing the 180 and living life as if she's gone forever, but in the back of my mind I thought "she will come back and I will do what I can when that happens to work us out." That thought is gone now and today my first morning thought felt better. I didn't think about how empty it felt in a 3 bed 2 bath house alone, I a sense of relief and thought about how I was going to change things around in my house.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That's exactly how my ex talks to me. Its easy to be strong and unemotional when you are the one doing the dumping and not the one who's heart was broken and left to be lonely. I kind of wish I could go back a few years and dump my wife just so she knows how painful it is.


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## TNman (Dec 24, 2012)

BC3- good luck with your closure and moving on in your life. I too cling to a tiny shred of hope though I know it is finished. I will be so relieved when that last sliver of hope dies and I can move on and not want her back.

Nowhere-ain't that the truth- it is easy to be strong when you are the one swinging the hammer of destruction.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That's exactly how my ex talks to me. Its easy to be strong and unemotional when you are the one doing the dumping and not the one who's heart was broken and left to be lonely. I kind of wish I could go back a few years and dump my wife just so she knows how painful it is.



The WS's are months, sometimes years ahead with moving on. They have been living and replaying their fantasies in their head and re-writing their marital history to justify their actions. Sometimes for years.

THAT is why they can be so emotionless. 

Also - the mindset of a WS in the fog is typically one of complete selfishness and total lack of empathy. Karma WILL eventually hit them because their own selfishness and lack of empathy will match them up with partners who will either be another victim, or somebody even MORE selfish and lacking in empathy - so they will be dumped.


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

It's really selfish to divorce...at least in the manner in which my wife did it to me. I understand if you just aren't happy and feel that your spouse is not the one for you. But the lying, cheating, and games played to end the marriage is what makes it so bad. My ex has a lot of self esteem issues which she will admit to. This is a small thing but it hurts that her mom and step mom "defriend" me on facebook. I had considered them both close family to me and their daughter/step daughter does this to me and I'm the bad guy now....


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I knew something was going on with my wife, but up until the very end when questioned she would always say it wasn't me it was her and she was just going through a rough patch. Little did I know at the time that rough patch was she met some other guy and was hanging out with him. You would think after 13 years she would have worked a little for the marriage or at the very least gave me the opportunity to fix things by letting me know how she was really feeling. Just makes me sick when I think about it. I would never do this to someone I married or loved for that long. I guess when the chips are down people show their true self's.
Self centered, pitiful excuses for human beings.


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## BC3 (Sep 26, 2012)

Nowhere...I agree 100%. The grass is greener my ex believes, her ex who was abusive to her (which is why the relationship ended before she met me) has "changed his ways." He no longer will cheat on her or abuse her so she told me. The way they act as things end is nice. They want to still be friends, they tell you how sorry they are and how hurt they too are, they find the smallest things they can about the relationship to put blame on you and not them for what has happened.


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## ilou (Oct 25, 2012)

How'd it go BC?


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Wow, this is a very bitter thread. 

BC3, I'm sorry you're going through what you are going through, but I have to say your response oozes contempt. Nothing close to forgiveness, if indeed that is possible for you at this point. All I see is that you are understandably hurt but the email comes off very angry and condescending. It sounds like you are objectifying her by analyzing her ("your personality type" and all that stuff) and telling her what's going to happen. TBH, if I were her I'd think you'd gone off the deep end in terms of reading up on affairs. I think this email is probably the type which is best written but not sent.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

They "never mean to hurt you".

They all say that. They meant to because what they did, did hurt you. Selfishness... Its BS don't listen to it.


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