# Guy's perspective if you please!



## search (May 7, 2012)

My fiance and I went to a store to purchase a TV. We picked one out, and went to the counter. The sales person proceded to ask us a bunch of unrelated questions (profiling us, it's sales). We were very polite, and said we don't want the protection plan, we are ready to buy this now. The salesperson was extremely annoying, and proceeded to badger us and waste our time. At a certain point, my fiance just snapped, and proceded to tell him (raising his voice) "YOU JUST LOST THIS SALE, WE R NOT F...ING IDIOTS...and on and on" We started to walk out, and my fiance went back to the salesperson to berate him some more!

I am extremely even tempered. This has disturbed me a lot. I see his temper from time to time, and I'm a little worried. He didn't do this the 1st 7+ months. But now, it's like he is another person. 

Am I too sensitive? I guess some people are just hot tempered...


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

No, I would be disturbed too. You say you've seen his temper like this before, but not for the past 7 months?

That sounds like a yellow-to-red flag. I would tread carefully... one day he could be treating you this way as well.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I agree with Nader...today he's treating a clerk this way, tomorrow it's you.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I hope you're going to have a Looonnnggg engagement with this guy so you'll be able to get a better look at what life may be like with him


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

search said:


> My fiance and I went to a store to purchase a TV. We picked one out, and went to the counter. The sales person proceded to ask us a bunch of unrelated questions (profiling us, it's sales). We were very polite, and said we don't want the protection plan, we are ready to buy this now. The salesperson was extremely annoying, and proceeded to badger us and waste our time. At a certain point, my fiance just snapped, and proceded to tell him (raising his voice) "YOU JUST LOST THIS SALE, WE R NOT F...ING IDIOTS...and on and on" We started to walk out, and my fiance went back to the salesperson to berate him some more!
> 
> I am extremely even tempered. This has disturbed me a lot. I see his temper from time to time, and I'm a little worried. He didn't do this the 1st 7+ months. But now, it's like he is another person.
> 
> Am I too sensitive? I guess some people are just hot tempered...


I don't know. I have had a couple of clerk's lose my sale due to stuff like this, even raising my voice about it. But I never returned to continue berating them (though I really wanted to).

You say you see it from time to time, but not during the first 7+ months. Can you expand on that? How often do you see it, what were the circumstances, how long have you been dating, how old is he? Also, have there been any big changes he has gone through (loss of a job, death in the family)?


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

I've heard it said that when dating, see how the person treats the waitress when you go out to eat (ok in your case the salesperson at the store). If they treat her like she's beneath them or they are rude, nasty, etc. then that's how the person will someday treat you when their true self comes out.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> I've heard it said that when dating, see how the person treats the waitress when you go out to eat (ok in your case the salesperson at the store). If they treat her like she's beneath them or they are rude, nasty, etc. then that's how the person will someday treat you when their true self comes out.


Yes, exactly.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Not sure I'd read too much into this. I'm generally very even tempered and patient. But sometimes I get the feeling that I'm supposed to play the part of the "man" and I'll let Mr. Agro out. Doesn't mean I'm going to beat my wife 10 years down the line. Everyone loses their cool sometimes. Now if it happens on a regular basis, or if "he escalates" it to physical then that's different. I've lost my cool a few times, but never in 20 years have I lost my cool with my wife.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Not sure I'd read too much into this. I'm generally very even tempered and patient. But sometimes I get the feeling that I'm supposed to play the part of the "man" and I'll let Mr. Agro out. Doesn't mean I'm going to beat my wife 10 years down the line. Everyone loses their cool sometimes. Now if it happens on a regular basis, or if "he escalates" it to physical then that's different. I've lost my cool a few times, but never in 20 years have I lost my cool with my wife.


I agree. Treat it on a case by case basis. Maybe ask him if everything is fine when things cool down. Be sure to do it in a non-accusatory manner, though.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm leery of anyone who responds to situations in a rude way...and in my opinion, your fiance's response was rude and uncalled for. 

doesn't necessarily mean he will treat you that way...but it would be a red flag for me.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

If Working and BlueMoon are right, then a longer engagement will help you decide that.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I guess we would need to have seen this to give fair advice, but I for one believe sometimes speaking up against unprofessional and rude sales people is well deserved, and you are hearing this from someone who has been in sales for many years. If someone is given fair warning about backing off from agressive sales tactics that get ignored, you do have the option to walk away, but if you want to help that next prospect who may be a weaker person, make a stink, send a message and make them think twice. 

Remember you did say the sales clerk was extremely annoying and was badgering you. I am proud of your fiance for not putting up with the unprofessional crap. Maybe you should be?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Was part of it that your man was defending you? Was the salesman rude to you? Or him? I know I'm much more likely to go off on someone being rude to my wife or kids than me. Actually if they cross my kids I'd probably have to hold my wife back.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Yellow flag - pay more attention for a while. Have a longer engagement until you're comfortable that was an isolated incident.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

This is me said:


> I guess we would need to have seen this to give fair advice, but I for one believe sometimes speaking up against unprofessional and rude sales people is well deserved, and you are hearing this from someone who has been in sales for many years. If someone is given fair warning about backing off from agressive sales tactics that get ignored, you do have the option to walk away, but if you want to help that next prospect who may be a weaker person, make a stink, send a message and make them think twice.
> 
> Remember you did say the sales clerk was extremely annoying and was badgering you. I am proud of your fiance for not putting up with the unprofessional crap. Maybe you should be?


that's understandable, but it matters how it is handled. Making a scene like that is not admirable. If he can't handle a pushy salesman, what else can't he handle?

It's about self control. Handling the same difficult situation assertively and with tact and diplomacy - in other words getting the guy to f off without losing your cool - this to me screams 'spouse material.'


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## search (May 7, 2012)

Thank you for the responses! I should clarify: He didn't loose his temper in the 1st 7 months of us dating (understandable)

For the past few months, I have seen the anger come out. 

He has had some job set backs and a few things are bothering him. 

I will keep my eye on it. 

Thanks!


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## 2betex (May 16, 2012)

search said:


> Thank you for the responses! I should clarify: He didn't loose his temper in the 1st 7 months of us dating (understandable)
> 
> For the past few months, I have seen the anger come out.
> 
> ...


I know at one time, I was on the edge sometimes... However I got over it by just accepting what is at hand and walking away from situation that inflames me. Not worth it...However, this can be just the tip. I would suggest the take your time approach and be careful. In a perfect world this resolves itself but conversly it could be directed at you 

Take care.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It happens....we're men. Sometimes things like that can set us off and we don't control ourselves well. Unless he's doing it to you is this really cause for concern?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

search said:


> Thank you for the responses! I should clarify: He didn't loose his temper in the 1st 7 months of us dating (understandable)
> 
> For the past few months, I have seen the anger come out.
> 
> ...


I dont think you have cause for concern given what he's going through.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

His behaviour tells you a lot about him. Amongst other things, he lacks self control, the ability to be assertive in a healthy manner and has little respect for others - you included.

I'd watch out for more red flags like this before tying the knot, OP.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

search said:


> My fiance and I went to a store to purchase a TV. We picked one out, and went to the counter. The sales person proceded to ask us a bunch of unrelated questions (profiling us, it's sales). We were very polite, and said we don't want the protection plan, we are ready to buy this now. The salesperson was extremely annoying, and proceeded to badger us and waste our time. At a certain point, my fiance just snapped, and proceded to tell him (raising his voice) "YOU JUST LOST THIS SALE, WE R NOT F...ING IDIOTS...and on and on" We started to walk out, and my fiance went back to the salesperson to berate him some more!
> 
> I am extremely even tempered. This has disturbed me a lot. I see his temper from time to time, and I'm a little worried. He didn't do this the 1st 7+ months. But now, it's like he is another person.
> 
> Am I too sensitive? I guess some people are just hot tempered...


I'm not saying this should be a deal-breaker - but perhaps you might want to let the engagement last for awhile and see how this temper is.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

search said:


> I am extremely even tempered. This has disturbed me a lot. I see his temper from time to time, and I'm a little worried. He didn't do this the 1st 7+ months. But now, it's like he is another person.
> 
> Am I too sensitive? I guess some people are just hot tempered...


Yellow flag, but not a red flag. Some people need to be berated. Auto mechanics who cheat women and steal from them are high on my list.


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