# Cant decide what to do.



## Maroson (May 21, 2010)

Ill start by saying im 23, very busy with my job, and currently in a new relationship. 

I have been dating a girl I used to climb with, had a lot of similar interests along with things we both wanted to do. We were great friends for the longest time. She got pregnant by another guy and he wasn't fit to be a dad. Me and her started dating shortly after her child was born and it was fine. 

Things are still fine. However there are a lot of nothing fights. I am more chill, laid back, and dont really get angered easily. She gets angry at me just glancing at another girl. Ill be honest though I still do look. 

I feel she spoils the little one by holding her every minute and if she starts crying its instant pick up. Its to the point were if she is set down the baby crys and crys. You could feed her, burp her, change her diaper and the little one would still be pissed unless your holding her. When my GF goes out and I am sitting her I cant get an ounce of work done due to the little one always crying. I dont know if this is normal or if I am just un fit to be a dad. 

I dont feel happy. Not as happy as I have been in previous relationships but now my parents family and friends are attached and I am not. 

I will say I never really get attached as I dont feel much emotion. 

I just dont know how to tell her I dont love her like she loves me. She wants to marry me. I dont want to marry her. I was kind of waiting for the next nothing fight but she adapts after every fight so that it does not happen again. I am just starting to feel like a rat in a cage and its not fair to her.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

It is perfectly normal for her, as a new mother, to essentially spoil the child. It is also perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do. If your not wanting to stay... and your feeling trapped... leave. Let her find someone who does love her and let yourself find someone who you feel love for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have the two of you been together?

How old is the baby?


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

:iagree: with Gaia

It's time to move on for both of you and the baby...


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## Maroson (May 21, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> How long have the two of you been together?
> 
> How old is the baby?


3 months together

Baby is 4 months.


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## Maroson (May 21, 2010)

I guess its not even things that are wrong, she just had ambitions like going back to school, dieting so we could climb again, getting back in shape. But its the opposite. she sleeps in till 12 with the little one and she says she wants to go back to school but shows no motivation to do it. 

I just guess I want a partner, not someone I have to take care of.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

She may be depressed and stressed out. Kids do take a lot out of a person. If you want a partner.. perhaps try being more of a partner as well? Do you help with the baby? Have you thought of daycare? How about making plans so you two have time for eachother?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

I don’t think this is an issue so much as to who is right or wrong or what adjustments can be made to make it work. The OP is obviously not at all happy or interested in marring this woman. With that being the case then LEAVE NOW, QUICKLY! 

*It will be better for you and the woman in the long run*.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I agree... it seems more like he wants help in getting out... not fixing things. So as suggested already... if you want to leave OP... then do so. Do not stay in a relationship you don't want to be in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maroson said:


> 3 months together
> 
> Baby is 4 months.


She is consumed with taking care of a new baby. In the first few months after a new baby is born in is exactly the best time in her life for a woman to be starting a new relationship.

There are some really huge signs here that say run.....

She messed around and got pregnant by a guy that she does not even think is good enough to help raise that child. 

You two have only been a couple for 3 months and she wants to get married. It's way too early.

Unless you are completely invested in raising another man's baby, doing so is not somethingy you sould do.

I assume that she is near your age. The divorce rate is huge for women who marry before 25 and men who marry before 30.

You are not into the relationship. Just leave. Don't wait for the next fight for and excuse. End it now.


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## Maroson (May 21, 2010)

Gaia said:


> I agree... it seems more like he wants help in getting out... not fixing things. So as suggested already... if you want to leave OP... then do so. Do not stay in a relationship you don't want to be in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just dont know how to say goodbye
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Maroson said:


> I just dont know how to say goodbye
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to be open and honest. This is a situation where it's better to tear off the band aid with one quick pull. In the long run it will be the best thing for everyone.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

"This isn't working out, I'm not ready to commit but I wish you luck in finding someone you deserve. Goodbye!" (Or something along those lines.... lmao)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hira (Aug 16, 2012)

I think it is normal for her as new mother will face difficulties to handle child.


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## JoyfulHeart (Jun 12, 2012)

Interestingly enough, I can really related to the woman side of things.

I was coming out a relationship and a man had begun to pursue me. I had a child already and was pregnant with another. I was ending a relationship since I was cheated on repeatedly. Young and dumb I was to stay and marry that man. 

Now, this man pursued me and was taking an interest, at least I thought so. That was in 2007. In 2008, we bought a house. He was there for my second son when he was born. He told me he loved me and wanted to be a family. In 2010 we had a son together. Now we have broken up.

Here is the thing. He tried to leave 4 times during the time we were together, but always came back. The 4th time I found out he was seeing another woman and I called everything off. He came back and said he screwed up and wanted to work on things. Being dumb as I was, took him back because I honestly thought he loved me.

We broke up almost 2 weeks ago now. And I am finding out so much about how he really felt. He never loved me. He pursued me because I was vulnerable, needed to be "rescued", and he enjoyed playing house for a little while. But he never loved me. And he felt this way within the first year we were together. But he never told me because he didn't want to hurt me.

I genuinely loved this man. worked on myself for myself to support him and love him better. I grew as a person. Now, almost 5 years later all this finally comes out and I feel betrayed, lied to, I think he is a fake, a womanizer, not genuine. I don't even know who he is. Sure we are trying to be friends and amicable through this, but I have a hard time looking him in the eye because I see him as dishonest and a liar. He knows he is at fault for my hurt, he feels guilty and bad. The one thing I told him was he should have told me right when he felt all this.

So my advice to you is this. Sit down and tell her. Yes you run the risk of her being hurt, but trust me, the hurt is worse after years of living a lie. you guys have only been together for 3 months, do it now. Tell her how you feel. Tell her the truth. Don't lie, don't make up even white lies. Just tell the truth and be honest. Again, she will be hurt, I am sure she genuinely loves you as I loved this man, but I wish he told me sooner instead of hiding and living a lie.

Hope this has helped.


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## JoyfulHeart (Jun 12, 2012)

Sorry double post.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

She deserves better than you. Let her go.


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

You can't spoil a 4-month old by holding it too much. They need to feel secure that when they cry, they will be taken care of. This is part of their healthy development at that age.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

I think all this boils down to, that OP is very immature young man.

Wich in it self is nothing out of the ordinary at his age.

But you my young man, have very unresnable expectation on 
Your girlfriend,that recently became a mom.

What she does is very normal with a 4 month old baby.

Man up for once. So you can begin to start your journey to become a responsible adult. A good start is to being honost and way you wanna break up with her. Its called being an adult


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