# Fiancee Broke Engagement



## broken2012 (Jun 27, 2011)

My fiancee broke up with me Monday night of last week. She told me she needed to end it "for now". I agreed with the breakup. She has been distancing herself for me for the past 6 weeks, so it wasn't a surprise. Still, I'm devastated. She told me she still loved me but it just doesn't feel right.

She had been sending me text messages. Last night she told me she would miss me. Monday night after the breakup she texted me that "just because we broke up, doesn't mean that's what I wanted to happen". Then today, she texted me and asked me about adding 2 friends that were girls to my facebook right after the breakup. She said she has been crying the past two days, and obviously it hasn't been a problem for me. 

Reason for breakup, uncertain. She couldn't give me anything logical other than it didn't feel right anymore. A few months ago she was head over heels and couldn't wait to start our new life together. We've been engaged for 7 months, and dating a total over 19 or so months.

Thursday night I had to go to her place to exchange rings and all of the stuff I had there. Everything's exchanged so I have no need to see her again. When I finally got her to look at me, she started bawling, she said she was sorry she hurt me a few times, and that she still loved me. She said she missed me a few times. She also said it wasn't the same not being able to talk to me at night. She sounds very confused about what she wants. I didn't stay long. We exchanged our items and sat for a few minutes while she was crying. We didn't talk much. She said this was not what she wanted. Then later she said she needed to figure out what she wants (confusing???). 

Without me asking she reiterated again that she hasn't cheated, hasn't seen anyone else, and wasn't seeing anyone else. I apologized for my sleep deprived texting frenzy that suggested she left me for another man.

I did tell her I would be open to reconcile. She asked me about my plans with friends that I have made for the weekend, and I asked her about her graduate class. When I left, she said talk to you later.

Getting my stuff and the ring back was depressing, but just getting to see her briefly also made me feel better. I have a feeling that will fade quickly as reality of not having any plans with her sets in over the coming days. 

My ex was not confused and was sure she wanted to be engaged until recently. Before we were engaged, she was constantly asking when I was going to pop the question. She would frequently tell me how she couldn't wait to start our new life together, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, i was THE one for her, and many other affectionate things. That didn't really change until around 6-8 weeks ago when her messages became steadily less affectionate. I have all of our text messages logged so I can see the progression of our relationship just by reviewing the hundreds of short text messages we have sent throughout our relationship. She wasn't immature, she said all the right things, and she was definitely excited about being together as a family.

Since I saw her Thursday night, I haven't heard anything from her, nor I have contacted her. I want to know ideas for what I can do next? Should I contact her? I'm miserable.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

You did not indicate there were any other problems throughout your relationship with her. If you are certain there was no other person of interest (another guy) which spurred her to break the engagement off with you, she probably has gotten scared to marry.

I know a few people who are fearful of marriage, although most of them are male. The “I don’t know what I want,” is a common statement they all seem to share.


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## broken2012 (Jun 27, 2011)

That's my best guess as well, and I think I may have pressured her towards the very end which only probably made it worse.

What can I do? Should I contact her? I want to get the relationship back, even if it is to start slowly.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

broken2012 said:


> That's my best guess as well, and I think I may have pressured her towards the very end which only probably made it worse.
> 
> What can I do? Should I contact her? I want to get the relationship back, even if it is to start slowly.


My two cents is give her space....
Let her figure out what she does/doesn't want.

You contacting her, I fear will only put pressure on her.

Let her miss you, let her see what it's like without you.
You certainly don't want to push her back into this relationship before she is ready just to do this again, do you?

It's going to be hard, you are going to have to be really strong....but don't you want her to be with you and KNOW that's what she wants?

Stay strong my friend....
Either way, you will have your answer!

(((((BIG HUG)))))


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

At a younger age, it is probably more normal and even a little healthy to question weather or not you are making the correct choice in a partner. After all, this is supposed to be the person whom you spend the rest of your lifetime with.

She may need a little space and time to realize exactly what her fears are. You cannot figure those things out for her. In the meantime, be patient and her friend. If you push too hard, you will only push her away.

A longtime friend of mine was dead set on never getting married. He was (still is) quite a handsome guy. I am not exaggerating when I state that all the girls would flock to him and he had more than plenty to choose from. Myself, along with other friends, had even given him a nickname of “Michael”. If you have seen the movie “Michael” which stars John Travolta, you can better understand why we called him that. 

Anyhow ….. When he finally got beyond those fears, he contacted a girl whom he had dated in the past. They did get married. He is a loving husband and a great father. His wife has admitted to almost not giving him a second chance at dating either. She is glad she did though. She often confesses how she is probably more of a handful in their marriage than he is and how lucky she is to have such an understanding and wonderful husband.


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