# finally over but feel anxious



## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Hi everyone, 

It's been a long time coming but my long time partner father to my children is moving out this week. I feel so exhausted and emotionally sad but he seems just fine now that he has his work situation figured out. His only gripe seems to be money, though he is on a 6 figure wage but was facing redundancy. That's all fine now so he is fine. I do hold myself accountable for staying with a man that has never really made me feel like I was the one. I don't know why but I seem to always feel like I want the best for him, it doesnt seem to go both ways though. 

I caught him again using the same online webcam chat site like chatrouette that he was using nearly 2 years ago in June. I told him to stop using me and get the **** out. The website is basically an 18+ meet and chat and get naked site. Lots of men masturbating and so it seems he was one of them, he very protective generally about privacy but he seems to misplace this when he used this site. He promised to stop using the site but only if our relationship was going well.

I had a logger on the computer so I saw and read it all. So when I got home in June from a work weekend away he was all hapy to see me, made a nice dinner and got dressed up greated me with open arms. I couldn't look at him. When I confronted him he simply said that I wasnt being very positive about our future was so he didn't care. He initaly lied and admitted to being on it but for only for 20 mins and he said he only talked to a man that was learning English and yes he kept his pants on. The truth was a total of 3 hours that day masturbation twice conversations with lots of people.... Chilling to see the ease in which he can lie. I showed him a screen shot of that day, the look of panic o his face and then he said how can we possibly have a relationship now with what you have done, you just don't trust! 

Yes, I had to agree, the relationship was far from saving but I just wanted in the end to see who he was. He also admitted that he is getting to know someone at work an airline hostess, this is a different someone from last year. He is still getting to know her but still trying to get into my pants wanting me to do really (I'm very openen minded) kinky things. It's like he had become sexually insatable. I think the online stuff was just like a game to him to see if he could get these women to do things. He said it was just some titilation. These were not webcam girls but chat room users... 

I am being nice to him until he moves out this week, it's a bit of a survival tatic I think. When he gets mad at me I tend to feel like I have to make it better, yes I am co dependant and i'm seeing someone for this. I just feel realy sad and a bit anxious. I'm exhausted I think as I have had to push him out the door organize our seperation etc he has pretty much let me do all the work including the caling it quits. I feel like I'm just a doormat for this man. 

I feel relief but somehow I just keep pushing aside all of the ikyness and unkindness and I find it hard not to be way too kind to him.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You did the right thing in pushing him out! In love, there is supposed to be inherent trust ~ and you had neither!

As soon as he's gone from the scene, you're going to feel so much better!

And don't ever look back as if the move that you made was a mistake! It wasn't!*


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

m.t.t said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> It's been a long time coming but my long time partner father to my children is moving out this week. I feel so exhausted and emotionally sad but he seems just fine now that he has his work situation figured out. His only gripe seems to be money, though he is on a 6 figure wage but was facing redundancy. That's all fine now so he is fine. I do hold myself accountable for staying with a man that has never really made me feel like I was the one. I don't know why but I seem to always feel like I want the best for him, it doesnt seem to go both ways though.
> 
> ...


You are co-dependent, he makes you responsible for the state of the relationship, blames you for not trusting when he is obviously cheating online, etc why haven' you kicked him our long ago and sued his ass off now that he has a big salary. Why do you put up with this sheaite! Stop treating him kindly and treat him like the POS turd he actually is, how can you have someone like that around your kids also. 

Of course he wont leave you, because he has the best of all worlds, please tell me you are still not having sex with him. Please have more self respect, go get yourself a good lawyer, tell your family and friends why you kicked him out, all communication through your lawyer. Do the 180 on him now!

If your WH wants to make your life difficult, tell him you will expose every single screenshot you have so that everyone will know who he really is, don't let him away with nothing. Take back your power and live your life the way you ought to.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Even if he does move out he may try to manipulate you into letting him back in your life. Don't.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

I won't ever be letting him back, I did that when we separated back in 2001 after nearly 3 years and I thought we get on so well so why not !?... I regretted it only weeks later. 

It's an awful feeling leaving the house knowing that as soon as you leave your partner is jumping online on a site like chat roulete and talking to other women and seeing if they will have online sex with him, though he said it was mainly for conversation, a social outlet. I wanted to be understanding... he was lonely as he is socially awkward... Then he said it was for titillation and it meant nothing. Which I pointed out meant I meant even less than that as he refused to stop at times. When he did stop he promised to do so only if our relationship was going well if it wasn't then he felt no obligation not to.

I monitored the computer, he would stop for awhile. Every time I went away for work for the weekend (this was maybe 3 times a year) the first thing he would do was go on the site. If he knew I was going to be awhile picking the kids up he would be on there. Even the women he spoke to would ask so you have a family, how would your wife feel if she knew you were on here, his reply was always something like, oh we are going through a rough patch... and then ask if she wanted some fun, most of them moved on and clicked next. I heard and saw him as he truly is during these times. I was left feeling sick but in some ways, I didn't know how to get out.

More and more when we went anywhere he would openly stare at girls, infront of me. Somewhere teens I might add. He never used to do that in front of me, he obviously lost all respect for me, I don't blame him I was trying to be so understanding, sleeping with him even more, it became daily-twice daily. We used to have sex 2-3 times a week. He would only show sexual affection to me, so I guess I was just trying to reconnect to him with the only way that we had. 

So I sit here today with relief that he has decided to move on, he wanted to wait until he worked out where this relationship would go wit the 27 year old at work first, He wanted to make sure he was with our dauhughter at home for as long as possible. (can you believe that!) That his redundancy money was in the bank first so he wouldnt have to rent he could just buy. I clarified that he he wasnt staying for me at all and he said no but it's better for everyone if Im here for as long as possible. He almost convinced me not to be mad, that we are good friends and we get on well togther so lets just stay living together until he gets sorted out first.

I can't believe I would enter into these conversations with him! Never ever as unhappy as I was in a relationship with a man that would fall in love with other women at a drop of a hat who only dished out closeness if it lead to sex and belittled me and our son, he taught us lessons by stonewalling us and inflicting passive aggressive punishments on us did I ever cheat on him. When things were bad I would let him know how I was feeling and I wanted to fix what was not working he would just say bad luck!

I've stepped back now and I see that I wasn't perfect but this man was no friend to me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

m.t.t said:


> I won't ever be letting him back, I did that when we separated back in 2001 after nearly 3 years and I thought we get on so well so why not !?... I regretted it only weeks later.
> 
> It's an awful feeling leaving the house knowing that as soon as you leave your partner is jumping online on a site like chat roulete and talking to other women and seeing if they will have online sex with him, though he said it was mainly for conversation, a social outlet. I wanted to be understanding... he was lonely as he is socially awkward... Then he said it was for titillation and it meant nothing. Which I pointed out meant I meant even less than that as he refused to stop at times. When he did stop he promised to do so only if our relationship was going well if it wasn't then he felt no obligation not to.
> 
> ...


Your STBX sounds like a sadistic POS, he definitely did not deserve you or his kids. Get a good lawyer and get rid of him from your life, the quicker the better, please do not cry over a man who has treated you like dirt. He used you to get his ducks in a row before moving on, let him have what he wants. Get a good bulldog lawyer and make sure you are rewarded for putting up with this for years.


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