# Wife says she no longer loves me



## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

I'm really devastated and don't know what to do anymore. About 7 month ago I caught my wife having an affair with her co-worker. I don't know how far they went but do know they had a relationship. She would text all the time and started behaving differently. I confronted her and everything blew up. She said she did not love me anymore and wanted to leave. At first she denied the relationship and said the reason she fell out of love with me was because I didn't treat her right. I admit I was not the perfect husband and talked to her about. I told I would make changes, which I have, and I was willing to work on our marriage. She said that that's what she's been trying to do all along and that I never seen that. I apologize to her and asked for forgiveness but she says it's too late and has given up. It's been like I said about 7 month, and my wife still does not let me kiss her, hug her, or anything. She said she is no longer texting this guy but I have a gut feeling that she is. She won't admitt to it because she is afraid that I will take the kids and leave. I have a 5yr daughter and 2 yrs son and it kills me the thought of them growing up in separate households. Whenever I try talking to her about our relationship or marriage she always gets upset. I still give her a peck every morning before I go to work and when I come home but that's about it. She has rejected me many times and it makes me feel very sad and depressed. I want to work on my marriage and want us to be happy. I don't know what to do anymore.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I read something in another forum that the main reason wives leave or have affairs is that they feel neglected. 

Twice as many women file for divorce as men (I read). 

It may be too late to tear down her walls. But I'd suggest counseling as a start. Try to pay more attention to her, even if it's not exactly loving. 

It's always possible to fix this but only if you BOTH want to. If one doesn't, then end it now and don't prolong the pain.

Either way, it's going to take time and/or a LOT of work.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Women cheat because they are lacking some emotional attachment or need from their spouse, men cheat because it's sex.

Figure out where you screwed up and fix it...if she isn't willing to let you try, then be done with it...

Forgiving affairs is easy, forgetting them takes a lifetime...it's never going to be the same even if you do work things out.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## SFladybug (May 25, 2009)

I had an affair a long time ago. It was prompted by a need for revenge for the affair my husband had and out of a desire to be listened to. The guys above are right. 
You can forgive an affair, but it does affect your relationship the rest of your life. If you BOTH want to see it work, then you can find a way to stay together. Don't beg or plead with her. Don't have an affair in retaliation. I suggest you find a mediator to help you work out a legal separation plan so you can both put the kids needs first. You can let her know you would rather allow her some time to decide whether she really wants to be with you or not, but in a way that will give you the respect you need. Then follow through. If you really love her and show her you mean what you say, she will most likely respect that. Even if you can't work it out, the kids will be better off if you can separate under terms that allow you to offer mutual respect for each other. Good luck and don't give up hope.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I agree that women tend to want the emotional attachment of an affair. It took me over a year to get over another man that I was involved with. I am still not recovered from my husband having other women either, and that has been over 2 years ago. I think these affairs stem from other problems. If those other problems aren't resolved, the marriage never really improves. Also, raising young kids is very difficult. I hope you are doing everything possible to make sure your wife is appreciated.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

Thanks for the advice guys. I know what you guys are saying is probably what I should have done from the begining but I didn't. We continue to stay together and I've tried to do everything possible to reconnect with her but it seems that nothing is working. She is not responding. I'm fighting to hang on to our marriage and trying to maintain the peace. It seems that she is always looking for somthing to be mad at me for. I really don't want to give up. I would hate for my kids to have to go through a divorce but am realizing that eventually it will probably end this way. Like I said I've been trying to do everything possible but my wife refuses to try. She says that the love is just not there and she expects for it just to come. I tell her that we have to work at it and try to have the relationship that we both want. I really love her and my kids and don't know what to do anymore. I'm an emotional reck and can't continue to live like this. It seems she is fine co-existing in the same household with me but when it comes to me and her she shuts down. What else can I do besides ask for divorce or time ?


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## melancholyman (Jun 1, 2009)

Separate. 

You won't be able to end her affair, no matter what you do. Only she can do that. She has to actually feel remorse for what she's doing. Right now, she's doing what she feels she HAS to do. This new guy is... new. Exciting. Most importantly, he's NOT YOU. 

So she's having the time of her life, and was probably looking for a way to end it with you for some time. Now that you found out about the affair, the kid gloves are off. You will begin to know why "hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn". 

I know what you're going through. I'm in Phase 2.5 of that situation; separation leading to divorce. I cried, begged... ultimately futile. She is doing her own thing now, and if she says the love isn't there anymore, she means it. That means she gave you chances (that you probably weren't even aware of) to do whatever it was she needed you to do, but you didn't do it when she needed it, and now she's had enough, and with the advice of her friends and her new man (or men, in my case), she's given up on you.

I would recommend therapy, but it's probably too late for that. She's made up her mind. Now you have to hurt, grieve, pick up and move on.

EDIT: I don't mean to sound so cavalier about this. Telling someone to leave a relationship and expecting them to be able to do it tomorrow is foolish. I only say it so matter-of-factly because she is in control now, and you are not. Anger is empowering her, and she is able to move, act and speak in ways you've never seen her do before. So you have to protect yourself and your children. Your wife is in total selfish mode, and believe it or not, even the kids may take a backseat to her newfound interest.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

Melancholyman, 
What you said is exactly the situation I'm in right now. You are right, I have notices that it's all about her right now. She has lost interest in our house, our friends, and even her side of the family. I've also noticed she is also impatient with out children. I'm telling you, I'm fighting to hang on. It's a very sad, emotional, and frustrating situation. 

I know, a lot of people have said separate or divorce. But I tell you, that's easier said than done. I really want our marriage to work but like you said, it takes two. 

In one of our many discussions we've had, my wife said exactly what you said, that she had given me a second chance many times and that she was tired of trying. 

I see it now, and I find it very difficult to understand how can someone give up, how can you give up trying when the person you've been trying to get to come around finally comes around, you then give up ? I don't know. I'm very confused and heart broken.

I send her text messages every day telling her that I Love her and miss her or to ask how her day is going or to tell her that I'm thinking of her. She never replies. She has stop saying I love you to me. Do you think she really does not love me anymore. How can someone fall out of love like that ? Especially when you have created to beautiful kids together.


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## melancholyman (Jun 1, 2009)

I know separating or/and divorcing is easier said than done. Like I said, I'm in a similar situation.

Again, her anger is driving her. She has convinced herself that she hates you, that you deserve to be hurt, and that she deserves the attention of other men. And her circle of friends, old and new, is backing her play 100%. Sad, since some of her friends are probably your friends by association, but they have sided with her since they only know her side of the story.

Texting constantly and telling her how much you love her and miss her doesn't work, at least not in the short-term. She sees it as too little, too late. As weakness. When she needed this kind of attention, you weren't there. Now you're missing what you had.

But what did you have, really? No matter what you did (aside from cheating on her or abusing her), no matter how unhappy she was, the minute she pursued this other relationship, the minute she found emotional support on the lap of another man, instead of on YOUR shoulders, or her girlfriends, she crossed the line. And she knew it, and did it anyway. At first hoping you wouldn't find out until she was ready to break it to you (which would be never), but ultimately, not caring either way.

Now, do I think she really doesn't love you anymore? No. I think she loves you like she would a friend who has pissed her off. But she's not in love with you anymore. Or at least, she doesn't think she is.

For awhile, my wife spewed the venom at every turn, but now 10 months later, we can talk without pointing fingers. She even told me she loves me recently (but she's still dating someone who I know, so she doesn't mean the LOVE love, just the "I still care about you because of our history and you're our child's father" love). But still, even that was a long time coming. 

In the long-term, all the texts and pleading will show her that you still love her, which she will still want no matter what she says or how she feels about you. She'll always want you to love her, even if there's no chance of saving the marriage.

I said the same, "how could you just walk away from 15 years? Haven't you thought about what this will do to our child? (and my kid has been affected in ways I could have NEVER predicted). But it doesn't matter. She's is going to go through with this, and if she finds her way back to you, so be it, but don't hold your breath.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

Last night I tried to get close to her in the bedroom and she rejected me. Sometimes I don't know whether she wants me to try or she doesn't. Every time she rejects me I feel crushed. I feel a pain and sadness that words can't describe. I don't know what to do anymore. I've purchased Mort's book, Marriage Fitness, and I'm going to suggest that we start reading it together.. I don't know if she'll say yes. She is so hard to read and sometimes I feel she is not even listening that she is in her own world thinking of other things. (Don't know if she is still texting this other guy) I can't ask her about it because then she thinks I don't trust her. I've never understood this, she was caught cheating but still wants me to trust her. If I don't, than she can't live like this and threatens to leave. The hardest part is that we have 2 children that we both are very attached to. The children love both of their parents too. 
What should I do, should I not initiate any sexual contact with her ? If I don't, won't that make matters worse ? I compliment it her daily and ask her about her day. We seem to get along fine until it's about me and her.


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Melonchalyman, we are in the same boat my friend! Or rollercoaster may be a better term.


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## melancholyman (Jun 1, 2009)

I'm so sorry, vas. I was in the same situation. When she stopped wanting me to touch her, and even sleep in the same bed with her, I knew it was over. Sounds like you're headed down that road.

You can't keep being a milksop, at least not in front of her. You must appear strong and decisive. Ask her what it is she wants. If she says something like, "I don't know, but I don't want it to be with you", then one of you will have to take action. 

Dude, the way it's sounding, one of you are going to leave eventually.

The reason my wife stuck around so long is because she wasn't sure if she could support herself. But I just couldn't stay in that house with my wife cheating on me. I had to grow a pair and do SOMETHING, even if hurt (which it does, very much, every day).

So, I left. She couldn't afford the place by herself, so she was forced to move, too. 

If your wife doesn't love you anymore, you're not going to win her back by pleading with her. Obviously, showering her with compliments and attempting to reignite your sex life hasn't worked either. You'll have to face the fact that this is probably going to progress to the next step. Either she's going to leave, or you will. 

The kids make it difficult, but having them see you in a loveless relationship isn't helping them. They are still young enough that they will be able to cope with your separation. You just make sure you work out a way to see them and spend time with them as often as you can, and you call them EVERY day, no exceptions.

Your wife has made up her mind. She's going to see this through, with or without your consent. It's time for you to plan next steps.


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## melancholyman (Jun 1, 2009)

Sirch, that's why I joined this forum. 

Going through this heartwrenching nightmare, I feel as if I'm all alone, and my situation is unique. But it's NOT! 

I'm hurting every day but I don't feel so powerless and alone when I post on these forums.

I'd love to hear your story!


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

I'm not ready to call it quits just yet but boy I tell you sometimes I just want to run. A man can only take so many rejections. I have to be strong and be able to suffer for the sake of our kids and for my own sake as well. If I finally decide to call it quits, I am going to have the comfort that I tried to make it work and did everything possible to keep my family. I love her and my kids so much that I'm willing to sacrifice my pride for a chance to keep my family together. 

You are probably right, she's probably sticking around cause she has no place to go, she currently is not working and her parents don't approve of her leaving our family so she can't count on them for help. 

It's a tough situation and every life sucking day that goes by just gets worse and worse. I want things to work out but like you said if she's already made her mind up, anything that I do is useless. All I can do is keep trying and hope for the best. At the end of all this, I will be able to say, I tried..


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Melonchalyman my story is a bit like yours, just few diferent twists! for the latest go over to the dating scene under confused. I believe I was the last to post there.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

Melonchalyman & Sirch, 

The other part to my story is that the wife says she is no longer having an ER with this guy. She says she is no longer texting him or speaking with him on the phone. I feel otherwise, I have no way proving my suspicion. Her cell phone is in her name and all bills are sent electronically. 

I have a gut feeling she is still texting and calling him. At least your wives/significant others were honest or fest up and told you guys what was going on. Mine just expects me to trust her and if I question it, it's a nightmare.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Vasmar. Plan an exit plan. Let her go. When she sees you're ready to move on, she'll have 2nd thoughts. They will avail her naught! Keep to your schedule. Do NOT be her doormat, her fallback plan! She must see the consequences of her actions. 

I KNOW it hurts! But you have be stong enough for the both of you. You have to go on. 

Hang in there, we're all here for the same reason...we suffer from relationship problems. We're all here for each other.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

why don't you do what she fears...take the kids and leave. if she knows thats what the consequences are, let her feel 'em.


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## melancholyman (Jun 1, 2009)

Vas, if you still have these suspicions, then you may have to do a 007 on that ass.

My ex was attached to her cell phone, day and night. The only place she didn't take it was in the shower, so one morning during her shower, I got a quick look-see.

Once, I even managed to get it from under her pillow without her waking up.

But if you suspect, and you NEED proof, you're gonna have to get that phone. 

Now, don't do like I did. The bill was in her mother's name, so it never came to our house. I never sent the texts to my phone, so technically, I can't PROVE she was cheating, but I read the texts, she (eventually) confirmed what she was doing, and here we are. But I can't divorce her on grounds of infidelity because I can't PROVE anything. 

So make sure you send those texts to your phone. If she catches you, SO WHAT?!

Tell her she betrayed your trust, and you couldn't go on not knowing. Send those texts to your phone and then give her the phone back. 

It took all I had not to call those two men my wife was with. But I figured, why get mad at them? They're not doing anything my wife hasn't allowed. She could've ended it anytime, but she was enjoying living her fantasy. Sure, they're still f**king a**holes for f**king with a married woman, but ultimately, the blame is hers (or mine, if you ask her).


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

Why would your wife fear you taking your kids and bolting? Did you threaten her with this? I am sure the affair is not over If she flat out won't touch you she is not only telling you she does not love you she is showing you. The thought of your two kids growing up without you I know first hand sucks but as long as she intends to treat your two kids right and you are willing to support the kids things will get better as far as your feelings about your kids being with someone else. The more you are involved with your kids the better they and you will be in the future and I know you and your kids will develop a healthy bond if you stay proactive in their lives. Sorry I don't have upliftings words of hope for you and your wife but it truly seems to be over emotionally and physically for your wife. This other person is her focus now, yours should be your self respect and your kids.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

No I did not threaten her with taking the kids. I think she knows that I love my kids so much that I would fight for them to be by my side. 

Who says the women automatically takes the kids in the split ? This day an age the man has the same emotional attachment to their kids as there mother. Especially if the father takes the time to really spent quality time with them. 

The other thing is that I noticed that she gets a little more irritated with them than normal. Normal stuff of kids are blown out of proportion. Don't get me wrong, she loves her kids as well and would probably give her life for them. It's just when these things happen, the affair seems to take priority over everything, nothing seems to matter to the person. There has been times that I've felt like my wife would like to be single and not have any responsibilities. We have all though about that but few have acted. Family life is fulfilling in the long run than doing the single thing. 

This morning before coming to work, I gave her a kiss goodbye and asked her, "Are you thinking of us" she said yes. I left it at that, I don't know what that meant but it gave me a lil hope. 

Don't know, maybe she is just saying that, I still have not proposed to her that we both read Marriage Fitness together. I will try tonight. We are suppose to go do somthing tonight with the kids. We'll see were that goes.

One question, should I back off on trying to get her to be intimate with me ? We still sleep in the same bed, kids do too. I don't want to pressure her, but also want her to know I'm here for her..


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## perpetua (Apr 12, 2009)

vasmar said:


> Melancholyman,
> 
> 
> I see it now, and I find it very difficult to understand how can someone give up, how can you give up trying when the person you've been trying to get to come around finally comes around, you then give up ?


She did not "give up" when you came around. She gave up a long, long time ago and tried to live without what she needed for a long time, too. I know b/c I'm a wife like that. I tried so hard to be ok with a marriage on his terms. Then, when I finally realized I couldn't do it anymore, I felt nothing but relief. No anger, really, just relief. I told my husband and I began to move on. I'm not even angry at him--to me, it's like realizing I just don't like living with this roommate anymore, and what's the big deal? I know that sounds really cold, but since I had felt that way for a very long time--like roommates--for years, in my case, it isn't "cold" for me, it's just the way it is. I don't feel much anger, b/c I have already been through all that. I don't even feel that much guilt, b/c I know it took more than ME to get us to that point, and I at least was trying so hard for so long to make things work while he was taking, taking, taking. He even admitted it. Of course, he wanted "one more chance," but I think (and have read) that by the time a woman gets to the point of leaving the marriage, it is too late to turn things around. 

I am very sorry for you and I hope your wife is a decent person who will work with you and put the kids first. If you both focus on their needs, it is easier to get along. In the meantime, take really good care of yourself--spend time with friends and family (if you like your family), get a massage or whatever makes you feel relaxed, exercise regularly and eat healthy, avoid alcohol or other artificial stimulants to numb the pain. Talk to your doctor for anit-depressants if you are anxious and having trouble sleeping. You may not win your wife back, but you will earn or keep her respect by acting like an adult and not falling apart. You will do SO much good for your kids, too, by modeling for them good coping mechanisms, even if they are too young to know yet what is going on. You certainly don't want to model BAD coping techniques, after all, and down the road when they are older you can tell them how you used exercise and other healthy means to cope with the stress of the divorce. If you fall apart and lose it, that's what they'll learn to do in the face of stress, too, so try hard to keep your worries to yourself or share only with other adults. I hope your time of pain is relatively short and you can begin to look on this as a new stage of life, one you haven't chosen but which offers opportunity for growth and future happiness nonetheless.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

perpetua, 

Thanks for that advice from a women's perspective. But why do I have settle and give up ? Why shouldn't I fight for our marriage ? for our family ? I've asked time and time again, what behavior, what is causing you to give up ? A happy marriage is not somthing that happens, the two people have to make it happen. If checked out a long time ago and forgot to mentioned it to me, how was I suppose to know ? Sometimes men need it pointed out flat out ? In her mind if she gave me an opportunity, why was I not made aware of this ? Yeah, I know that I should have known. But it's just not fair that a women can decide to check out of the relationship and pretend that everything is alright and continue as if nothing day by day. Here is where the lack in communication takes place. 

I still think that If I persist and if she wants to make this work we can have something special. I've learned a lot from this experience and it has really opened my eyes. I think that if it doesn't work out, the next person that comes along will benefit from all of this. That's where I get stuck, why should someone else benefit ? What can't that be us ?

Why do women give up and move on ?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

vasmar said:


> perpetua,
> 
> If checked out a long time ago and forgot to mentioned it to me, how was I suppose to know ? Sometimes men need it pointed out flat out ? In her mind if she gave me an opportunity, why was I not made aware of this ? Yeah, I know that I should have known. But it's just not fair . . .


She didn't "check out;" she tried to adapt--but, if it's like my case, she tried very hard and very clearly to communicate her needs to you. Like, "I need you to . . . " (fill in the blank). Or, "I get really irritated when . . . " From the male perspective, it seems "unfair" because we don't threaten to leave if our "demands" aren't met. But we see ourselves as being loving and mature and why on earth WOULD we threaten something, why would we NEED to? If you ask me to do x, y, or z, and it's obvious it's important to you (because you say it is, because you ask about it often), OF COURSE I'm going to do it--because that's what a spouse does. 

My husband admitted to being passive-aggressive and just refusing my requests for many years (well, agreeing to requests and then refusing to follow through or "forgetting.") This is such immature and unloving behavior, it makes me feel a lot less guilty knowing he was playing this game, and lost. As far as I'm concerned, he betrayed our vows in doing this.

And the reason not to "fight" for your marriage? Well, in my case, it would be pointless and pretty offensive to ignore all I told him about why I was ending our marriage. You can fight, obviously, and maybe you'll be successful. I can only draw on my personal experience to say, everything my husband did to try to "win me back" just irritated me and made me disrespect him, like he was too weak and fearful to be on his own so he was making a pathetic, desperate attempt to keep me. Again, this was me. I cannot speak for your wife or every woman.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

Good Point Sisters359 

Questions on your situation. 

_"I can only draw on my personal experience to say, everything my husband did to try to "win me back" just irritated me and made me disrespect him, like he was too weak and fearful to be on his own so he was making a pathetic, desperate attempt to keep me. Again, this was me. I cannot speak for your wife or every woman._

Why did you get irritated when he was trying to finally win you back ? Why did you have to disrespect him if he was honestly trying to win you back ? Did you not want your marriage to finally work if your husband finally opened his eyes ? Any kids involved ?

I really love my wife and will give anything for her to just give us a second chance. I don't need to tell her anything, my actions should speak for themselves. Since all this, I've finally opened my eyes and see all the areas that I have been neglecting. I've slowly have changed some of my ways and become a better, husband & father to my kids. 

I still don't understand why a women has to reach a point of no return and give up and decide that it's over and not want to try anymore ?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

vasmar said:


> I still don't understand why a women has to reach a point of no return and give up and decide that it's over and not want to try anymore ?


Not all women, some are STUCK and have to 
put up and adjust, its the ones that CAN, that leave!
Once that resentment is built up, loss of respect...
its nearly impossible to be married anymore.

When that happens...
The ones who can leave, they do.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Vasmar,

I'm on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. My H is giving up and not giving us a second chance, and hello I'm the first to admit that I am by no means near perfect. But I busted my a$$ to make that man happy but he's got depression issues to boot. He Vasmar, will tell me that I'm his best friend, I'm one of only TWO people in his life that has never hurt him, we have a great intimate life, sh*t in common EVERYTHING and yet he's STILL walking away, personally I think he'll kick himself in the a$$ eventually because I'm really flabbergastedly (I think I just made that word up)speechless at why you'd divorce your best friend w/whom you have all those qualities with...I don't know it's beyond me at this point. But just wanted to let you know...men do it too.


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## Captiosus (May 25, 2009)

vasmar said:


> I have to be strong and be able to suffer for the sake of our kids and for my own sake as well. If I finally decide to call it quits, I am going to have the comfort that I tried to make it work and did everything possible to keep my family.


I'm going to channel my mom here and quote something she loves to say: "Staying together for the kids almost always fails. Kids see that the mother and father are angry at each other or are emotionally distant and they tend to adapt and either play both sides or learn to act like their parents."

I tend to trust my mother's opinion on this. She was a public school ED teacher for 19 years and saw the products of broken homes with fighting parents or loveless homes with angry parents year in and year out.

I'm not saying that will happen to your kids, but staying in a loveless relationship is just as damaging to children - perhaps moreso - than having to endure a divorce.

It sounds like, to me, that you've tried, valiantly, to make things work. You've gone the extra mile. She refused to meet you half-way; hell, she wouldn't even meet you after you've gone the distance and she didn't do anything.

You've fought. It's time to move on. You're not "giving up". Remind yourself that every day. You did everything you could, but _she_ wouldn't or couldn't try. Essentially, _she's_ the one who has given up. Not just on you but on the entire family unit.


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## vasmar (May 28, 2009)

I finally was able to sit down with my wife a talk about our situation. She is always trying to avoid the subject cause she says her feelings have not changed. I'm so devastated right now, I don't know what to do. Wife says she no longer knows what she feels for me. She says she does not desire to work on our marriage. She kinda said that if she had to do it over, it would not be with me. Ouch, very hurtful words.

I asked what it is she wanted to do with our situation, she says she doesn't know. She says she is here, that she is trying but I know she is really not.

I was trying to avoid counseling cause of all the stories I've heard that couples end up worse or that the counselor recommends divorce, but at this point, I'm willing to try anything to salvage our marriage.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you want her back in body AND mind, you will find out the name and info for this person she's having the affair with (yes, they are still having it; they are just hiding it from you better), and you will call his wife, his parents, and his siblings, and tell them that he is cheating with a married woman. Then you will call HER parents and siblings and best friend, and ask them to help you save your marriage. 

IF you don't know who he is yet, install a keylogger on her computer, print out her phone records and do a back-search on the phone number; hire a PI to get his info. If you feel like you need proof, install a voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car and check it every night. 

This will get the affair out in the open, where she will realize it's just a fantasy and she won't be able to just morph into a new life with him and pretend she's not cheating. It will make her feel the disappointment of her family, and second-guess the affair.

Once he's out of the picture, you can show her what an amazing man you are, and the 'fog' will eventually clear from her addicted brain and she'll see what she was doing.

You have to fight this.

eta: if you want counseling, look up Dr Harley (marriagebuilders.com). He has helped save thousands of marriages broken up by affairs, over the last 30 years. You can do phone counseling with him. It's expensive, but I've not heard of a single couple who has reported back and said they didn't fix their marriage after counseling with him.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

Someone said plan an exit strategy, that is what I would do, right now. And I'd take it to her now and tell her you want a break, some space for you 2 to figure out what you want.

Ridiculously she will actually respect you for this, and if you work on making you happy (without her, without her being the centre of your world) you will respect yourself more too and will deal better with the breakup, should that final decision come.

She had an affair, and now saying she doesn't know what she wants, doesn't want to work on the marriage. 

You deserve so much better.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

btw I respectfully disagree with 99% of what turnera said.

It'd be good to confirm the affair, but I don't think "fighting it" is gonna work.

Work on making you happy as a single father.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Oops, didn't realize this was an old thread. Sorry.


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