# Home/Privacy Questions



## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

My wife filed for divorce a couple months ago. Still trying to get her to come to a settlement agreement. She moved out about a month ago and her parents bought her a $300K house and furniture. I am in our house (renting).

I come home sometimes and she is in the house. Usually it is to pick up a kid, sometimes unannounced or cleared with me. One night she was on the couch wearing my coat watching TV just like she used to. It was a little weird. A few nights ago sh was there taking two kids to her hose and I couldn't find her. I eventually found her coming out of my office. I didn't like that. Is this normal? Is it being mean of me to ask her not to come into the house if I'm not there?

I have another question about the kids. She has been bad about coming into the neighborhood and getting one of the kids to take him some place and not letting me know. I eventually start looking for him at his friends houses and finally text her to ask if she has him, usually she does. She has been doing stuff like this a lot. And she will pick one up from school on my week and not tell me, so I have to panic when I learn from his older brother that he didn't get on the bus. I have talked about this to her many times and it does no good. Of course I'm documenting everything. Would it have any bearing at all in child custody or am I just forced to deal with this BS from now on.

Another thing she does is to bring the kids over to my neighborhood and drop them off before school so they can ride the bus. She will also tell them some days to ride the bus to my house (on her week) without letting me know that she is doing this. The reason she did this is because she (her parents) bought a house in another school district and they can't ride the bus from her house. I asked her how she was going to deal with the kids and she said, I'll handle it and it isn't your concern". She said that she asked our neighbor if he could hang out with her son while waiting on the bus. That puts me in a funny spot because obviously the neighbor lady is going to look to me to deal with the situation when she can't watch him, it's raining, it's snowing, etc. And she may not know that my wife is about to dump on her long term. I'm not trying to shrug off dealing with my kids, I just want her to be responsible on her week and not be her door mat or her crutch for the rest of my life.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> Is this normal? Is it being mean of me to ask her not to come into the house if I'm not there?
> 
> Would it have any bearing at all in child custody or am I just forced to deal with this BS from now on.


I don't know what the exact family laws are in OK.. but I would suggest calling an attorney. This is not normal for her to just waltz into your house and snoop around whenever she wants. Talk to your landlord and see if he/she would be opposed to you changing the locks as long as you provided them with a key. Then do it. I bet you don't have a key to her new place... why should she have a key to yours.

All of that should have bearing in a child custody dispute. If she were dropping them off at the bus stop just before it arrived and waiting for them there when it dropped them off, that would be different - but what happens if you aren't there on a day she lets the bus bring them back to your place? Does she expect the kids to just hang out with some random neighbor until she gets around to picking them up?

Unfortunately, a lot of courts will expect you to be the "bigger" person when it comes to things like this and just take care of your kids and let them know what's happening and hope she they make her stop. But the reality is that she will continue to use you as her doormat where the kids are concerned because she can.

Document, document, document. The next time she does any of those things, e-mail her and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. Be polite - never put anything in writing you wouldn't want an Exhibit sticker on... (best advice I ever got from a lawyer). If you have a lawyer, copy the e-mail (where she can see that you did) to him/her.

A typical e-mail should go along these lines: "[Name]: Today I walked in to my house to find you sitting on my couch, wearing my coat, watching TV. You entered my house uninvited. This is not acceptable. This is no longer your home. I have changed the locks. You are not to enter my house uninvited again. Mike"

Or: "[Name]: Today the children arrived at my house after taking the school bus, per your instruction. I was not aware that the children would be coming to my house today. For the safety of our children, please do not send them home on the bus during your visitation periods unless you meet them at the bus stop to pick them up immediately upon their arrival. Mike"

I know that was lengthy... Just my two cents.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Lovebug501 said:


> I don't know what the exact family laws are in OK.. but I would suggest calling an attorney. This is not normal for her to just waltz into your house and snoop around whenever she wants. Talk to your landlord and see if he/she would be opposed to you changing the locks as long as you provided them with a key. Then do it. I bet you don't have a key to her new place... why should she have a key to yours.
> 
> All of that should have bearing in a child custody dispute. If she were dropping them off at the bus stop just before it arrived and waiting for them there when it dropped them off, that would be different - but what happens if you aren't there on a day she lets the bus bring them back to your place? Does she expect the kids to just hang out with some random neighbor until she gets around to picking them up?
> 
> ...


Awesome answer LoveBug. Totally agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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