# Trust and Boundaries (sexting/cybersex)



## pnut (Dec 10, 2011)

Warning: Long text post.
Notes: I've read some of the threads on cheating and you guys are very quick with the "Leave him" and "He's definitely sleeping around" That's not constructive.

I've been dating my current boyfriend for just about 3 years now, and from the start I knew that he liked to sext/cyber. I caught him doing it one day the first year we were going out and blew up about it and he said he wouldn't do it again blah blah blah. He stops with this girl and I don't really think about it.

Then a year later or so he starts it up again over Skype with this girl Emily who lives in Australia (we live in the US). We sit down and actually have a discussion about it because obviously this is something that is a recurring theme. 

He says that it's just a fantasy, he has no real romantic interest in this woman, that she likes "teasing" him online and he uses it as an alternative to porn since it's so custom tailored to his wants and desires. He says that even if he could date her he wouldn't because she's got baggage etc and that it's purely out of his fetish of being dominant and having that feeling that someone wants him when I'm not around.

We talk about it for a while and I finally come around to the fact that yes, they are never going to meet, no he would never do something so rash as to break up with me and move across the world for some girl who he sexts with. They never talk to each other unless its sexting.

We kind of discuss a set of boundaries. No pictures of yourself being sent to her, no money exchange etc. I keep tabs on his activities to make sure that nothing super shady is going on.

During the next months he starts adding more random girls on Skype to sext with... but almost all of them don't add him back or do what he wants. They're mostly cam girls and he tells them repeatedly that he's not going to spend money on anything. I don't say anything to him because this is acceptable from the boundaries we've talked about.

Fast forward to February of this year. He starts talking to this girl Bonnie who we met at a party a few years ago. We have only met her once and we have never talked to her since that night. For some reason he wants to get back in touch with her. She's recently just broken up with her long-time boyfriend and has moved back into his hometown about 20mins away.

Now I am a little wary about this from the start because when we were leaving the party those years ago he tells me that he has a confession to make. That he thought that she was sexy and that she turned him on (but obviously he was coming home with me). I was a little upset but nothing happened between them so whatever... people can be turned on by other people, let's not be hypocritical here.

Now that she's back in our life I start off on the defensive. I see their texts to each other... really casual. Hey how are you? You broke up with your boyfriend? That sucks. Yeah I just moved into a new place. We should hang out sometime.


Now during this time, we get into an argument about me being sneaky and snooping at his Skype messages and texts. It's a pretty big deal. He argues that if he had something to hide he would delete the messages. I agree to stop looking at his stuff.

It goes pretty well for a while. Until last week.


He starts being really secretive with his phone. Won't let it out of his sight, doesn't leave it in common areas. Doesn't ask me to go get it for him anymore (usually if he's in the bath he'll read comics on his phone, and if he forgets it he'll ask me to get it, but now he just gets out of the bath all wet and comes back into the living room to get it himself). Etc.

So yesterday I finally caved and looked at it while he was asleep.

He has been sexting with Bonnie. I read the entire chat history between them and realise that everything has been leading up to this moment. Things like "you're cute" and "something about you makes me think you're kinky" etc etc.

She has reservations because she knows about me and has met me. He says its cool because he sexts Emily all the time and I'm ok with that. They talk about bondage and anal sex and how me and him have tried it, but that I'm not very good at it and don't really like it and that she would be way better at it. They talk about squirting and how he would like to make her squirt.

Then they make arrangements to meet up cause he's coming into town on Wednesday anyways. She says straight up that even though she finds him attractive that she's not going to let him have sex with her, because that's too low, to help someone cheat. He's fine with that, they're just going to play video games and smoke weed. But then she starts to maybe change her mind... she says things like "now you're making me question myself" and he's like "i don't have to **** you to make you cum"

He goes to her house without letting me know and I don't suspect a thing because we're currently in the process of helping renovate his parents house so that we can move back in with them (Bonnie happens to live a few streets over) and he's gone over there to talk to his parents about things. His mom wanted to talk to him alone (this I know is true) so I let him go without fuss and he says that he might meet up with a few of his high-school friends while he's there.

So I get really upset. We've talked about this issue before and we've even talked specifically about Bonnie and how I don't like her because of the previous party. It's worse because I know he finds her attractive and that she lives so close.

I send her a Facebook message "Did Jay go over to your house Wed?" I want her to respond to me before she talks to him or anything like that because I want to see if she'll tell me the truth. Cause if she says yes then I know nothing happened. And if she lies then it gives me free reign to call her a shady ***** and a **** etc.

I confront him about it because I can't hide my emotions. He doesn't get mad at me for looking at the texts, he just says over and over and over again that he's sorry and he should have just told me and that nothing happened and that they only played video games.

She doesn't respond to me, she texts him all panicked. "Lisa messaged me on Facebook what do I do???" I want her to respond to me without outside help but that's not going to be an option anymore.

We discuss it for a while and he says that if he'd known how much I didn't want him to do it with Bonnie specifically he wouldn't have done it. He knew that I was going to be weirded out by going over to her house and that's why he didn't tell me and I point out that if he knew I was going to react to it in that way he knew it was wrong. He says he'll stay away from her from now on. He feels really bad because he thinks that we all could have been friends cause she's really cool. I say that I also think we could have been friends but now he's ruined it.

Jay tells Bonnie to tell me the truth on Facebook cause he's already talked about it with me. She replies with "yeah" and I make up some bull**** about how it sucks that I couldn't be there cause I really like Rock Band. And she says that next time I'm invited.

Jay and I don't really discuss it for the rest of the day. He keeps asking me how long I'm going to be mad for... or if I'm still mad. I am because you can't just go from 100 back to 0 in a day with something like this.

Now it's 4am and I can't sleep. I don't trust him anymore with the phone so now I'm looking at it freely. Todays texts with Bonnie are her freaking out about how my message scared her and she thought that I knew about the sexts until I said I wanted to play Rockband. She thought that he had invited me to her house and I had declined, but now knows that he didn't and she's mad at him for brining the drama to her.

His replies are apologetic but still flirty. He asks her about her night and wonders if she got laid. She says "I like sex but I'm not easy." and he replies "Well I feel lucky then" Which makes me think once again that they had sex and he was lying... but her reply is "why's that?" so I guess it's just a case of inflated ego. Then he asks her if she's got Skype. So much for staying away from her.


So my issue is... how can I trust him again?
Do I let him know I saw the comment about Skype and how that's not ****ing staying away from her?
Do I let her know that I know? If she actually is a good person let her stop sexting him? 
Do I keep looking at his texts while he's asleep? For how long?


P.S. she said that she would never send pics of herself,but then a few weeks later she did no naked no face just lingerie. I sent them to my phone so I have a copy.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Now, tell me again what it is about this cyber-cheater that you just can't live without? He's never going to change and you're forever going to wonder what he's up to. *Is it really worth it*??


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

You are probably never going to be able to trust him because how many chances have you given him already and he fails each time....


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

what would you tell your best friend to do if she told you what you've told us?

your bf wants to screw other women and doesn't honor your rship enough to stop looking for some. he lies to you and you let him. 

i wouldn't put up with his disrespect but that's just me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What you have with him right now is as good as it will get with him.

You don't want anyone to tell you that you ought to consider leaving him.

He's not going to change. So if you won't leave him, learn to live with his cheating and disrespect. 

It's your life. Your choice.

You cannot change another person. All you can do is change who you interact with them or if you interact at all with him. So look at yourself, not him. What do you want?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wow. He is a real keeper. As in keep him well away from you. 

Eventually the chances are that he will expose you to STDs when the cyber degenerates into physical cheating. 

He didn't get angry with you? Gosh. How damn decent of him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

pnut said:


> I've read some of the threads on cheating and you guys are very quick with the "Leave him" and "He's definitely sleeping around" That's not constructive.


Then stay and try to fix him. After all, women easily mold men with issues into fantastic guys all the time. And men love it, too. 

The truth is that your boyfriend is simply not ready for a committed relationship and may not ever be with you. I can guarantee that your relationship will not significantly improve over time.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

He is broken beyond repair... his boundary issues and egocentric behavior are astounding (and we "see" a lot of it on here)

How can you trust him? You can't; he is a liar... He has proven that over and over.

If I had to point you in a direction I felt was appropriate, I'd say ditch his arse and try figuring out while you are allowing him to manipulate you into thinking this is okay...


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

pnut, I know this is the modern age and all, but I think you need to redefine for yourself what "cheating" is. He may not have had a physical affair (but probably did)...BUT he most certainly having an affair of a sexual nature with another woman. And by the sounds of the texts, he is really playing head games with her as much as he is playing head games with you.

You wrote :_"Notes: I've read some of the threads on cheating and you guys are very quick with the "Leave him" and "He's definitely sleeping around" That's not constructive."_ It sounds like you are afraid that we will say the same thing about your situation. There is a large gathering of people who have experienced what you have ( a mix of people who handled it right and handled it wrong)...and as a whole, people here are pretty good about weighing out all the evidence and cutting through BS to make accurate statements.

We also anticipate that the betrayed spouse will be dealing with at least some form of denial...because the desire for nothing to be wrong and for life to go back to normal is so strong. You seem pretty observant about your situation enough to know THIS IS NOT RIGHT! But denial because of the fear of your relationship, security, and world falling apart will keep you from making definitive actions. YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THIS. None of us will ever twist your arm to leave your significant other, but we sure as heck won't mince what is pretty clear in our eyes. As much as you may love him, he will not stop his emotional/sexting affairs...he has no reason to stop.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Sure, I firmly believe you can trust him.

Trust him to sext.
Trust him to lie. 
Trust him to cheat physically (later and possibly now). 

Trust is so important, don't you agree? 

Move on and protect yourself from these types. He's a boundary hunter. For yours and others.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You have hitched yourself to a loser, how does that feel. Plus you fold every time you catch him. Why would he quit?

Just curious, why would his mom want to talk to him alone?

Why on earth would you think its a good idea to live with his mom? Sounds like he can't grow up.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

pnut, 

A couple quick thoughts:

1) You don't have any trouble trusting him. You trust him to lie to you and you trust he will cheat on you. What you are having trouble "trusting" is his HONESTY when his actions clearly have been dishonest. 

2) I realize you think our saying "Leave him" is not constructive, but let me give you a thought on that. Most people here do not want to be in an open, poly amorous relationship. Most people want to have one, faithful partner and in turn be a faithful, monogamous partner. So us telling them to stay in a relationship with a partner who is not monogamous is what would be non-constructive. If you are a monogamous person and you find you are in a relationship with an non-monogamous person who does not want to give up their unfaithful ways...then your option is to accept an open relationship or leave the current relationship because it is not going to be a monogamous one. 

3) You can not change your partner. So there are no constructive words or actions you can take to make your partner be someone who wants to be monogamous. He has demonstrated quite clearly over time that he has NO INTENTION WHATSOEVER of ever being tied down to monogamy. Can you live with that? If you can, then cool--carry on. If you can not, then your option is to end the relationship with him, because HE is not monogamous and you can not change him. 

Okay? I don't think any of us here care to judge you if you are happy in an open, poly amorous relationship. Some folks do that! It's not my thing, and I would say for the majority of folks here, it's not their thing either--but if you want to do that, more power to ya! But what won't happen is that if you are a monogamous person and he is NOT a monogamous person...you won't be changing him magically into someone he's not!

So that's why we advise leaving. He has demonstrated by his actions over the past how he is going to behave. He has done it over and over. Now it's time for you to accept that this is WHO HE IS and decide if you want that in your life or not.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Notes: I've read some of the threads on cheating and you guys are very quick with the "Leave him" and "He's definitely sleeping around" That's not constructive.*

Okay.



MSP said:


> Then stay and try to fix him.


MSP has told you what you presumably want to hear being that you already started your thread with saying anything else is not constructive. 

So. 

Good luck. 

I have nothing else to add.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

> So my issue is... how can I trust him again?
> Do I let him know I saw the comment about Skype and how that's not ****ing staying away from her?
> Do I let her know that I know? If she actually is a good person let her stop sexting him?
> Do I keep looking at his texts while he's asleep? For how long?


I know this is not what you want to hear (as you clearly stated), but honestly, you are better off just moving on at this point. You are not even married, only dating three years, have discussed your concerns with him and frankly, he just doesn't care what you think and continues to act like a single man. And he will continue to do so as long as you put up with it. 

Boundary issues are a HUGE problem. They do not just go away or get better as time goes on. You confronted him yet he still continues to behave inappropriately. 

I speak from experience. My H had boundary issues from the very beginning. I put up with them/made excuses for them for many different reasons. His lack of boundaries eventually lead to a full blown PA. I never in a million years thought he would ever go that far. 

Don't make the mistake I did. Either put your foot down FIRMLY (i.e., you are not dealing with ANY of this BS anymore - and if he screws up again - follow through with the threat and leave for good) or just leave him right now. Otherwise, you are in for a lifetime of pain and misery. I'm sorry, I know this is painful, but it is the truth.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*So my issue is... how can I trust him again?
Do I let him know I saw the comment about Skype and how that's not ****ing staying away from her?
Do I let her know that I know? If she actually is a good person let her stop sexting him? 
Do I keep looking at his texts while he's asleep? For how long?


P.S. she said that she would never send pics of herself,but then a few weeks later she did no naked no face just lingerie. I sent them to my phone so I have a copy. *


*Notes: I've read some of the threads on cheating and you guys are very quick with the "Leave him" and "He's definitely sleeping around" That's not constructive.*



Since you have tied the hands of us on TAM that we can't say "leave him", or "that he is sleeping around", it leaves us with answering only those questions you want answered.

How can you trust him again? 
Do I let him know I saw the comment about Skype and how that's not ****ing staying away from her? 
Do I keep looking at his texts while he's asleep? For how long?


*Do I let her know that I know? If she actually is a good person let her stop sexting him? 

P.S. she said that she would never send pics of herself,but then a few weeks later she did no naked no face just lingerie. I sent them to my phone so I have a copy.*

First, I believe you are misguided in your definition of a "good person". A "good person" does not text a man in a committed relationship and they know about the relationship. A "good person" does not sex text a man when that man is in a relationship. A "good person" does not do these sorts of things.

Once a relationship goes into sexting it rarely will go back to normal conversations. 1/3 of women involved in sexting will have physical sex with the man "to consumate" the emotional relationship. So if your BF is sexting various women, there is a high likelihood of it going physcial at some point, if it has not already.

Your BF has no respect for you and honestly you have given him a pass in the past by allowing him to continue talking to women. You already know what this leads to in the sexting.

What is your breaking point?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you want to see in to the future with this 'man', read the link in my sig about what my husband did.

Your bf will not stop what he is doing because you've given him permission to do so. If you can't see that, and if you're not willing to break up with him, then you will spend the rest of your life feeling like you do now, and worse.


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## pnut (Dec 10, 2011)

OK, so I've talked to him and we've worked a few things out (no thanks to a lot of your "advice").

First of all, sexting other women is not something that he did wrong. We have discussed it previously and I am OK with him cybering other women (like Emily) online because I find it to be in the same category as porn. It took me a while to get it, but because we have the kind of relationship where we actually talk to each other, I understand his sexual needs (check the kind of porn your s/o looks at and maybe you can get some ideas for the bedroom). Cybering/sexting give him a more customized fap, and it also allows him to roleplay things that I don't want to do or are incapable of doing. I am just sorry that I am no good with my words or else he would sext me more often.

Second, the major issue I had with the entire situation was that I was never told about it. If he had told me that he was going to this girls house, I might have been OK with it... or I might have not been OK with it and he would have respected my wishes for him not to go (or I would have been invited along). It may have been a little awkward but c'est la vie.

It's not that I don't trust HIM, it's that I don't trust HER. I don't really know this woman. I've only met her once, and became her Facebook friend afterwards. We don't really talk. I don't know what HER intentions are.

I know that my boyfriend has never cheated in the past with anyone he's been in a relationship with (me included). And he's also never been cheated on (me included) and he doesn't intend to start.

If he didn't want to be in a committed monogamous relationship we wouldn't be together. I am not scared of leaving him, I do not need someone else in my life if that someone else is causing me grief and stress continuously. It's actually one of the things we talked about.

I trust my boyfriend to be honest with me, he has been honest with me for the past 3 years and has never lied to me (in fact I lie to him all the time about stupid ****). When he says his word is he bond he means it. I feel really sorry for a lot of you who have gone though similar situations except that your SO thought they could get away with lying to you.

The reason I asked you all not to jump in with "he's definitely cheating" and "leave him" is because that's not CONSTRUCTIVE. You are faced with a problem in life, the first thing you do is give up??? That's why 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. If he was cheating and if he did not want a committed relationship and if he was lying to me I WOULD LEAVE HIM!

But everything he has done in the past 3 years has told me otherwise. This was a bump in the road, he was not completely OPEN, though he was completely HONEST. He never tried to deny it and he never deleted his texts (he invited me to read them again in fact).

I hope that in the future we will continue to be open and honest with each other, and I hope that you guys find someone who you can be just as open and honest with.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

You honestly think that your boyfriend went to Bonnie's house just to play video games?

A grown adult man and woman in a house together sharing sexually charged fantasies will want to consummate that relationship. You've already seen hints of it in the text messages you've seen between them.

It honestly looks like all you've written is just excuses to rationalize his behavior. His behavior is not consistent with what most users on this site would consider a monogamous relationship. 

What you're doing is giving him the green light to continuously cheat on you. Though you think cybering/sexting is simply porn, it's not. People can end up getting emotionally attatched to each other and you've already seen that threat which is why you don't like Bonnie.

Your boyfriend isn't being honest with you. Sure you may see a few messages between him and his other partners but he can easily selectively delete a few so that you won't see. He's already lied by omission by not saying he went over to Bonnie's house. 

Would your boyfriend be okay with you if you did the same thing that he's doing? 

What the other users have said is constructive, it's just not what you want to hear.

For certain situations, it is perfectly okay to talk things through with your partner and work through problems. However at the same time you need to establish boundaries and make it clear you won't be disrespected.

Your boyfriend has disrespected you and continues to do so and you allow him to keep doing it to you. And you keep making excuses for his disrespect by blaming it on the other girl. How much more will you take?

He's not going to stop this behavior and you'll continue to worry about girls he's meeting offline who he's supposedly only using as an internet fantasy.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

pnut said:


> You are faced with a problem in life, the first thing you do is give up???


There's a difference between being a quitter and jumping out of a fire.


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## pnut (Dec 10, 2011)

I don't understand why you're so morally outraged because my opinion is different than yours, my relationship is different than yours. Thank you for the advice, but I'm not going to take it because no I do not feel that the first thing you should do is leave someone... the first thing you should do is at least talk to them in a real discussion. 

When I posted this thread I had only really mentioned that I knew about the texts and we hadn't sat down and discussed what this meant for us. I believe that all of you can agree with me that when you are angered by something in the first moments you aren't really thinking straight. Unfortunately during that time is when I posted this thread.

I do believe that he is being 100% truthful. Like I said before, he has never lied to me about anything previously. We have a very honest relationship and I am sorry that most of you on this site have been bitten in the ass one too many times by dishonest people.

Because of this, most of you are not going to believe that I'm not being coerced or placated. But there you have it.

@MSP
And it's not a fire, it was a little bit of smoke. We burnt the toast.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Being in an open relationship is ok if you both agree to it. The only problem with that is one of the partners eventually falls in love with someone "new and exciting" since every relationship reaches a plateau. Its just human nature.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Go to amazon or Barnes and Noble and google the book NOT JUST FRIENDS. It will explain all this to you.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

pnut said:


> The reason I asked you all not to jump in with "he's definitely cheating" and "leave him" is because that's not CONSTRUCTIVE. You are faced with a problem in life, the first thing you do is give up??? That's why 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. If he was cheating and if he did not want a committed relationship and if he was lying to me I WOULD LEAVE HIM!


You're a strange one to be lecturing us on marriage and committed relationships.

It's sad that you think so little of yourself that you do not demand commitment.


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## Lexigirl (Apr 25, 2014)

First please know I agree with you that a person can change and everyone has made mistakes they regret. If the person is truly sorry for their action and makes amends,then I believe any relationship can be salvaged. However for a person to change they need to be sincerely remorseful and regret their behavior. Not try to justify it or work hard to convince others they have done nothing wrong. If it feels wrong to you or another hurts you, then the behavior is wrong. You and your boyfriend should understand any intimacy taken away from your relationship and directed at another person is cheating. Whether it is texting/sexting, skyping or actual physical contact. All of these should happen in your relationship not outside of it. But I think you both already know that. Would it be okay for you to do the same to him? My guess is no it wouldn't. 

The other question is why does he need to see her in person if it is just texting/sexting. My guess is he wants to have sex with her and is just waiting for a good time to present itself and so is she. So where does all of this leave you is the real question? Only you can answer this.

Good luck to you pnut!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Wow, you sure do live in a fantasyland. Best of luck to you with this. I guarantee he's cheating on you, but since you don't want to hear that, carry on.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

pnut said:


> I do believe that he is being 100% truthful. Like I said before, he has never lied to me about anything previously. We have a very honest relationship and I am sorry that most of you on this site have been bitten in the ass one too many times by dishonest people.


Putting your head in the ground doesn't make the problem go away. Rationalize and blame others as much as you want, but really you don't have a monogamous relationship. What you have is a one-sided open relationship and he has worked serious magic on you to make you think that's acceptable.

By the way, you seem pretty defensive for someone so confident about their relationship...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MoonBay said:


> Putting your head in the ground doesn't make the problem go away. Rationalize and blame others as much as you want, but really you don't have a monogamous relationship. What you have is a one-sided open relationship and he has worked serious magic on you to make you think that's acceptable.
> 
> *By the way, you seem pretty defensive for someone so confident about their relationship...*


And, if so confident, WHY post this in CWI? Why not just in "general" or "ladies" or "gentlemen" to get ideas? If so confident that all is great, why did YOU jump to this being infidelity? Don't try to say you never thought that. If you hadn't, you would have posted elsewhere. Honestly, I think you KNOW the truth, but don't want to admit to it. You WANT to believe him. And that's fine. However HE is the one who has to prove to YOU that he is trustworthy. He doesn't have to prove a thing to us. It IS telling, however, that you poted your thead here...


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

OP is your self esteem really so low that you believe him.

The truth us you weren't ok with the cyber sex, he's bullied you into being OK with it. For whatever reason even though you know it's not right, and you not having clear boundaries has led to him walking all over you, and now he knows he can keep doing whatever he wants and you will brush it under the carpet. 

You need to figure out why you are accepting his poor treatment of you, and wasting your time with a lying cheater who does not respect you. 

I hope you realise you are worth far more soon. 
Best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Your fault, your fault, your fault. You let this go on thinking that it would burn out on it's own and all you did was allow him to escalate it more and more.

You picked a real jewel who has one thing on his mind and that is what's best for him. He's number one and doing a real good job proving it.

How about looking in a full length mirror and gazing at the person looking back at you and ask yourself if you deserve better and can you do better than what you have.

Try finding a guy that will give you the dignity and respect that you deserve AND don't settle for anything less.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

pnut said:


> First of all, sexting other women is not something that he did wrong. Cybering/sexting give him a more customized fap, and it also allows him to roleplay things that I don't want to do or are incapable of doing.


No, all it does is allow him to become emotionally invested in someone else. Watching a movie is one thing, interacting with a human sexually even though text is a VERY slippery slope.



pnut said:


> Second, the major issue I had with the entire situation was that I was never told about it.


And WHY do you think that is? If it was SO innocent wouldn't he have mentioned it? Don't be a fool.



pnut said:


> It's not that I don't trust HIM, it's that I don't trust HER. I don't really know this woman. I've only met her once, and became her Facebook friend afterwards. We don't really talk. I don't know what HER intentions are.


So? What if her intentions are to "steal your man." Don't you TRUST him enough NOT to leave you. You either trust him or you don't and clearly you don't or you wouldn't be here. Why are you so focused on her when it's your bf whose playing you?



pnut said:


> I know that my boyfriend has never cheated in the past with anyone he's been in a relationship with (me included). And he's also never been cheated on (me included) and he doesn't intend to start.


Yeah, what makes you SO sure? Cause he says so? He's already lied to you about going to a girls house "just to play video games." By the way, how old is this boy you call a man?



pnut said:


> If he didn't want to be in a committed monogamous relationship we wouldn't be together. I am not scared of leaving him, I do not need someone else in my life if that someone else is causing me grief and stress continuously. It's actually one of the things we talked about.


Why is it outside the realm of possiblity he's lying about wanting to be monogomous. EVERYDAY cheaters tell their signifant others they only want them then turn around and stab them in the back. Maybe he's USING you for financial reasons? Or as a steady lay while he gets his piece on the side. Happens ALL THE TIME. 



pnut said:


> I feel really sorry for a lot of you who have gone though similar situations except that your SO thought they could get away with lying to you.


Then feel sorry for yourself too because he's playing you like a fiddle. You don't think shameless cheaters like this guy swear on their lives or kid's lives all the time. My "word is my bond"? Yeah okay, talk is cheap.



pnut said:


> If he was cheating and if he did not want a committed relationship and if he was lying to me I WOULD LEAVE HIM!.


Oh please, if your waiting for HIM to say he wants to end your relationship you're going to be waiting a LONG time. He's a CAKE EATER. You wants you AND them. And no, you won't leave him. I can tell by how all the excuses you continue to make for his behavior. You seem horribly insecure and lack self respect. You have doormat written all over you based on how you've handled the situation so far. 



pnut said:


> I hope that in the future we will continue to be open and honest with each other, and I hope that you guys find someone who you can be just as open and honest with.


No offense but I'd rather be alone than with a women like your significant other. You've got your head stuck so deep in the sand, it's really quite disturbing. To think a man who sexts other women and sneaks around to other women's houses behind your back is a "real catch" is beyond pitiful. I hope you wake up from fantasy land someday and I really hope your thread is not legit cause you need help.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

MoonBay said:


> You honestly think that your boyfriend went to Bonnie's house just to play video games?


I'd bet money that he let Bonnie use his joystick.

Man, you don't have to hear the whistle to know this trains coming. What a perfect girl to have, when all a guy wants to do is cheat.


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