# Even jealous of Nothing!



## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

Hi. I am new to this place. I want to talk about me/my life but at this moment, I need some answers first! 
Is someone here very very very veryyy jealous? I'm 26 and I have an 8 months old baby and been married for a little over one year now. I cannot stop being jealous about absolutely everything or everyone with mu hubby  This is making me suffer a lot. I try to control myself but I just can't seem to stop feeling this storm inside me whenever I think he's hanging out with someone else...
He hasn't gave me any reason to not trust in him but I keep thinking he is looking for a moment to cheat on me...
How absurd is this?

Should I be more especific?

Thanks in advance.

I am having a jealosu attack right now  and I have to keep it to myself.

Help!!:banghead:


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, you are right to seek help, although I'm not sure we can give you the help you need. You probably should seek professional counseling.

I will tell you for sure that if you continue this behavior, you will drive your husband away, and I know you do not want to do that. Get some counseling -- extreme jealousy has nothing to do with your partner, it's all about you and your issues.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, I agree that it IS your issue. I agree that if he has given NO indication that you shouldn't trust him, then there is no basis. That said, are you sure it's jealousy and NOT resentment? Have you ALWAYS felt this way or is it something new? Are you home 24/7 with the baby? Do YOU get out at all? These are all important factors to address before jumping to conclusions.


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

Long story made short, we dated for 4 years before marriage, and he cheated on me... We've had always an on and off relationship. Since we got married he changed a lot. He's an alcoholic, but he stopped drinking, he almost never go out and he's always early at home. He works 6am-2pm and he goes to pick the baby up after he gets out of work. He's still studying.

Everything seems to be allright, except me...

I know the "background" is trouble...


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

In the early days of my marriage I was convinced every woman wanted my man...how could they not. He's so gorgy and kind and loving!

Time helped me become more secure in his committment to me but in the end I just had to 'get over it' myself...this was MY issue.

I think way too much...I did especially when my boys were babies and I was home.

I use the visual of a STOP sign in my mind and stop thinking that thought... actively think of something else..anything. Go get busy, do something...anything.

You get better and better at controlling your thoughts...and they are just thought...your thoughts and YOU have control over ALL the thought that churn away in your mind.

You have every reason to feel insecure after the affair and the drinking but you have married him, have a baby and it sounds like he is doing all the right things.

Hang in there...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I get very jealous too. Sometimes over very stupid little stuff. Example - if the cat gets more attention than me in the bed. etc..

It has gotten somewhat better over the years, as my self esteem gets better. But, that flucuates. So on days I'm down or down on my self esteem, then I am more jealous .. or suspicious of him being gone/out so long after work hours over.

If I find a hobby, or something to occupy your mind while he's out... It really seems to help. I try to keep a supply of books on hand.. If not.. I'm completely addicted to computer card/solitaire games, or facebook games. I know. Not really a healthy escape, but an escape (from wondering where he is) nonetheless.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jealousy is usually just a reflection of a person's low self esteem. If you were really proud of yourself, if you loved yourself, you would LAUGH at the thought of your husband cheating. Why? Because (1) he already has an amazing wife and baby at home and no one else will compare, as he has chosen to love YOU; and (2) because if you loved yourself, and you found out he cheated, you would send him packing and you'd know (because you love yourself) that you'll soon have plenty of guys lining up to get to date you. Either way, YOU will be just fine. So worrying about him cheating would be a big waste of your time.


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## EngagedGraduate (May 17, 2012)

I think there are two types of jealousy roughly, and one is good while the other is bad. I think the deciding factor is the motivation? Why are you jealous? I think a healthy motivation is that you want your spouse to continue to love you as you love them. But sometimes, this gets meddled with a desire to control, or insecurities, or any other motivation that is not directly about you partner staying with you.

I was thinking about it for myself:
If my fiance has guy friends, that's okay. She always comes home to me. She is free to have the friends that make her happy. That is self-less of me on one level, but it also is to my benefit as well. 
If she kisses another guy? IF she is remorseful, then look, I do not feel like her love for me is threatened. It's okay in this case i think, eventually my emotions will calm.
If she does more? I think I would still like to be okay with it. I do not want to control her life. I want her to be there for me when I need her, and when I want her. 

I am young and naive. I have not been burned yet. But I think when I step back and analyze what my real desires are, certain things become more important, and others are not.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm guessing you're staying home with an 8 month old baby. This, after feeling uncomfortable and maybe a little huge while you were pregnant. You probably do miss adult conversation and maybe freedom that you used to have. You might be more prone to imagining all kinds of things are going on (out there) because your own life has changed so much in such a short time and your world has gotten much smaller. How long has it been since you got a babysitter and you and he went out on a date? There may be nothing seriously "wrong" here. You may just be a new mom who feels pretty stir crazy and maybe a little jealous once in a while of the freedom other women have.


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

I have a full time job. I've been very jealous my whole life. Now I see this is MY problem, together with his "wild" past... He's 28 and very outgoing. I am not. I am the opposite as him. And yes I am overweight and very insecure about my looks. I have never had an attractive body, neither my hair helps me. I know I can look better if I propose myself to do so but I think that's not enough.

If I loved myself just a little, maybe I would have never had a realtionship with my husband... 

But thinking about my actual life and on...

I don't even give myself time to go to get help :/
I don't want to go out. 

I think I am like old wives... 
I am scared to make him angry because then I feel bad and think he's gonna leave me... And I know I cannot force him to be with me if he doesn't want to and even if he someday choses to leave me nothing bad will happen to me...


Maybe me living life like if we were in 1800's is driving me nuts.:scratchhead:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

so do one thing this week: find a counselor and make an appointment.


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