# I don't get it!!



## LostInPHX (Jun 3, 2018)

deleted


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LostInPHX said:


> Maybe somebody can explain this one to me… My wife just had a short, two-month, sexual affair at the beginning of the year. I’ve found out that the guy, not only has erectile dysfunction and she had to feed him handfuls of pills to get him _up_, but he also has premature ejaculation problems. Gee... most woman's nightmare I assume… My wife and I have reconciled (or are trying to) and we are still having sex. This weekend she actually complained that I took _“too long”_. Huh? I always make sure she is pleased *first* and I hold back. We have been having sex for many years (decades) and we have always taken a _long time_, but suddenly I’m taking too long, when she’s on her 1+-6 O? Now, she wants me done in 5 minutes. like her OM??? I can’t seem to find an explanation for this one!!! I know I can never replace the risk and excitement of an affair, but NOW I have to hurry up??? I don’t get it!!


In twelve minutes you went from working toward an “eventual divorce” (here, also quoted below) and reconciliation ...?



LostInPHX said:


> It is easy for people on this group to say "_Get A Divorce_", but divorce is a long, tedious, messy process. The lying will *NEVER* stop. I know!! You need to look at your options and decide what is best for YOU. You can ignore the lies, or you can do something about it. Counciling is an option. I think talking to a lawyer is good advice. I did and I learned a lot! You have to know what you CAN do and what your CANNOT do. Yes, it will cost money, but at least you will be informed as to what your options are.
> 
> I talked to a lawyer and we are on a path to an _eventual_ divorce. It will probably take until sometime next year, but I am on the path. She continues to lie to me, even though I had a PI following her and seeing her public sex acts with the OM. She denies all of it. When I say "People SAW you" she just shrugges it off and doesn't say anything. She can *NEVER* tell the truth and she will always sneak around to have sex with the OM whenever she thinks she can get away with it. I can NEVER trust her! Do youself a favor and at least learn what your options are. Yes, it will take patience and time and money. Just think of the *BAD[/U/* that they have done and it makes it much easier. Can you live with yourself knowing the BAD???


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

First of all she sounds like a jerk.

Also sometimes when it takes too long it’s exhausting and not fun.

How long are you taking? And is there anyway you can focus more on yourself to speed it up.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Maybe she's saying it because she wants to be done with you as soon as possible.

Watch out!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

lovelygirl said:


> Maybe she's saying it because she wants to be done with you as soon as possible.
> 
> Watch out!



So true, this.

Watch her actions...

Remember, she cheated on you with another man. She had sex with another man. 
That sex was not as good as she hoped for.

She is sexually dissatisfied so she looked outside her marriage for sexual release.

She was done with you, so she looked for another. This was a willful choice.

Nothing has changed. She is still sexually dissatisfied. 
Why would she 'not' be?

I suspect her one-to-six orgasms are fake. More likely, most were faked. 
Faked to get you off of her.


A shame, this.

Mix it up, do many other things in bed.

..............................................................................

For a women to seek out another man for sex, for another man to hold her close, to stroke her...
To get her off.

Ach, what a slap in the face.

Let her go.

Good luck.



TT-1


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

LostInPHX said:


> Gee... most woman's nightmare I assume…


Affairs are not usually "about" sex. They "include" sex, sometimes, but the reason for the affair is the "ego strokes"....feeling desirable, wanted, admired, "loved" (lusted after), supported....etc. Not really about sex, so no, it's not "most woman's nightmare"....it's OUR worst nightmare, as men....

It, in fact, may be the basic reason behind the OM's affair with your wife. She "understood" and wanted him, anyway.....



LostInPHX said:


> suddenly I’m taking too long, when she’s on her 1+-6 O? Now, she wants me done in 5 minutes. like her OM???


No, not like her OM. It likely has nothing to do with him, sexually..... She feels guilty, and sex with you magnifies that guilt. Quick is better, less painful.

I think @lovelygirl has this right..... she has given her heart to OM and wants to be done with you. Not about sex. 

When men have affairs, sex is where the "ego strokes" are, and mostly, they are not looking to leave their wives. Mostly, they go back to their wives when the OW starts to mean "other wife" instead of "other woman". He wants a GF, not a wife.....he recognizes that leaving his wife for his OW is "out of the frying pan, into the fire"....

When women have affairs, they usually plan to leave their husbands for the OM. She wants an OH....but he doesn't want an OW, so there comes a point at which she relegates herself to the reality that OM is not "hers", and goes back to her marriage. But she is not committed to the marriage, she is committed to the OM......even though she KNOWS he is a POSOM.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your title "I don't get it", says it all.

You don't get her off.
You don't make her happy.

She is the one broken, not you.
You are willing to choke down this poop sandwich that she foisted on you.

Her?
What has she sacrificed for the marriage?
Not so much.

I see that you deleted your opening post.
Don't give up on this [your] thread.

Yes, the truth hurts. 
But, not as much as what she did to you.

Think about what I just said.

We are strangers, yet we have your' best interests at heart.
She, your wayward wife, does not.

Come back, LIP.

Give her lip. 
Don't give us the slip.... give us lip service.

We will listen.

Hear?


Lilith-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> First of all she sounds like a jerk.
> 
> Also sometimes *when it takes too long* it’s exhausting and not fun.
> 
> How long are you taking? And is there anyway you can focus more on yourself to speed it up.


Ach!!

Never say this...

As men, well, some men enjoy stretching it out. Making the dream last longer.

Being on top, bottom, whatever, is better than being off, not close.

A women has what a man wants. 

Oh my, yes.



The Typist I-


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> Ach!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Haha I get it. But he stated a problem and I suggested a solution. It’s easier for him to hurry up than to convince her that she likes it longer when she doesn’t.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> I suspect her one-to-six orgasms are fake. More likely, most were faked.
> Faked to get you off of her.


This has plausibility. 

I heard a "ladies" chat between 4 or 5 women once. I guess I was part of the woodwork, they somehow ignored me.

One of these gals expressed "....put it in, get it out....as soon as you're finished..."...she obviously didn't like sex very much. One of the women agreed with her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

TJW said:


> This has plausibility.
> 
> I heard a "ladies" chat between 4 or 5 women once. I guess I was part of the woodwork, they somehow ignored me.
> 
> One of these gals expressed "....put it in, get it out....as soon as you're finished..."...she obviously didn't like sex very much. One of the women agreed with her.


The thing is.....

Can you blame them?

The literature and TAM support the notion that many women cannot get 'off' from PIV.

So, some ladies with no real world experience try out many men before coming to the conclusion that their physiology is letting them down, not letting them get off.

The right thing to do would be what?
Tell or not tell their lover?

I would advise finding other means than PIV to make her arrive, come, go away tired and be happy.

I am an outsider.
Someone not in her, someone outside her.


Useless, I feel.


The Typist I-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Haha I get it. But he stated a problem and I suggested a solution. It’s easier for him to hurry up than to convince her that she likes it longer when she doesn’t.



Him being longer may help!

Taking more time raises her blood pressure, lowers her pleasure.

I had to say it....

Mybad.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She may be attempting R but she's not really interested in you.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The guy she cheated with may have been a useless lover with erectile dysfunction.You only have her word and she isn’t exactly trustworthy.
He may have been an Adonis with a massive **** who had her frothing at the mouth and screaming for more.
Either way she stayed (Or strayed) with him for two months and now she doesn’t want sex with you.
Still believe her about him?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> The guy she cheated with may have been a useless lover with erectile dysfunction.You only have her word and she isn’t exactly trustworthy.
> He may have been an Adonis with a massive **** who had her frothing at the mouth and screaming for more.
> Either way she stayed (Or strayed) with him for two months and now she doesn’t want sex with you.
> Still believe her about him?


Maybe we can all chip in and have a secret decoder ring sent to OP.

He’s clearly in desperate need of one.


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