# I'm new and need some advice please



## MissyFlop (Nov 3, 2011)

I have been married for ten years and have two gorgeous children, and a grown up son from a previous marraige. My husband and I have been together for 18 years and for thirteen of those I absolutely adored him with all my heart. When my middle child was born shortly after I discovered that he had been texting an ex, whom he had an affair with in his previous marraige, he said it was all innocent and I believed him because he was my life, 18 months later and pregnant I discovered texts again but more details, his text read that he loved her, I confronted him and he swore that he would end it, but later I found he had just changed her number in his phone to another name, I confronted him and he swore that nothing had happened at all and they were just friends but he would stop all contact. This was six years ago, I have tried and tried to forget but I cant, I cant stand him touching me and I am even starting to shout at the kids because I am angry with him. The trouble is he is an excellent father and I really really dont want to break my kids hearts, I am so torn I just dont know what to do for the best, should I just stay and grin and bear it?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Missyflop xx


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Sorry you are having a difficult time. 

Have you continuously verified that the affair? If so, how?
Did you require him to do the "heavy lifting"?
Did the two of you ever go to marriage counseling (MC)?
Do you still love him and want to save your marriage?

I doubt that you will ever forget. As one who cheated myself, it is a shame I will wear for the rest of my life. I will never forget. All one can do is find ways to manage the memory by going to counseling and giving it lots of time.


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## MissyFlop (Nov 3, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Sorry you are having a difficult time.
> 
> Have you continuously verified that the affair? If so, how?
> Did you require him to do the "heavy lifting"?
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I have a feeling you wont ever forget it, whether you're with him or not. BUT if you are not wanting him to touch you and its effecting you to where you are yelling at the kids, then maybe he and what he did is your trigger and you need to remove yourself from the situation. Seek some IC too.


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## MissyFlop (Nov 3, 2011)

I know that councilling works for some people but I just know that I will never forgive him or forget. I suppose I thought I could just live with it but reality is that maybe I can't. I know that if it were just him and me I'd have left years ago, I'm just so upset that it has come to this and I know that the kids will be in the middle and the last thing I want is for them to suffer in anyway :-( I really don't know what to do xxx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

If you can't forgive him, you're probably done. That's no way to live for either of you. That's a real lose/lose situation by your choice. Forgiveness has to be there for reconciliation to occur. It doesn't have to be immediate, it has to be earned. Just like trust. Full trust can never be earned back.

As I said, you will never forget - married or not. Counseling for yourself is something you need, regardless of your decision. Make an appointment now. It will help you think clearer.


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