# Why is it so hard



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

For a man once caught to tell the truth???? Why do you text, or give your number out, look on friend finders and lie about it once caught????? 

For the last 3 years my H has been caught red handed more times than I want to remember.. But nothing I try and talk and nothing....... I ask do you want out cause Im not happy at this point........ He says no I love you with all my heart ugggggg what the he77 does this all mean. 

I just dont get the fact of getting caught putting our family in turmoil and then not talking telling to truth. Does this just mean he wants out and does not want to be the one to do it? I get the whole ego thing I grew up with all boys around and know how they think most of the time. Do you think I have just gotten week and that is a turn off??? Or that he knows he can just keep doing this stuff to me and I will just stay????? I dont even know what Im trying to ask only that Im so numb and feel like such a tard.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Ok peeps I need some help if i can not be helped just let me know thanks


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

well this might not be terribly helpful but the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results. 

from what you have written its obvious that he's not going to stop. what is stopping you from leaving?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

He keeps flirting with cheating, if he hasn't already, and you keep just getting mad and then staying around.

Blanca is right, he is in total control right now and until you change the game, nothing will change.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Thank you both so much, you are right Im the one that is not looking out for myself. Why I dont leave uggg that is hard Im not sure??????? I think it is cause I have been with him for 15 years have a 3 year old and I dont have family around that I can go to. I feel so alone. For 3 years my life has been in turmoil, before I would have never stood for it but since my son was born I feel like a weak link, like someone I have never meet before I would never have let anyone treat me like this so Im not sure why I do now. I mean I even stopped talking to my mom for 8 years cause of the things that she was doing in her life. I have been out on my own since I was 13 worked had apt's took care of my life now I feel as if it is not even my own.

Thank you again for the help it does help. I just dont even know if I should talk to him about it all or should I just leave???????


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I tend to believe you should always try to talk it out one last time before leaving. Have you two been to a marriage counselor yet? Having a neutral third party there is always helpful.

Maybe some individual counseling for you too. It's easy to loose yourself once we become mothers. Find yourself again. Bring back your confidence and independence. If you would never have let him treat you this way in the past, why are you allowing it now? You have to find yourself again before you can work on your marriage.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Wow MsStacy wow you are right on the money. we have done couceling once it did not work. I asked him to go once I found a pic of a stripper in his wallet he said that it did not work the first time why should we do it this time. I guess I need to work on myself first thou your right, I have lost myself. I dont even like the person that I have become, maybe that is what happened to him to that I changed and he needed or fell in love with this strong go getter that never let anyone walk on her. Even thou when I was like that he said I was to mean.

thanks again you guys please keep the advice coming it is opening my eyes


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Counseling didn't work for us the first time either. We didn't mesh too well with the first counselor so really didn't learn anything. Shortly after that we tried again with someone new and it was so helpful! We were lucky to have found her on only our second try. If he isn't open to it just yet, you go. Find a new counselor and start with you. Even if the next one doesn't do what you need them to do, find another until you get that fit. You will find it. 

It's likely that, as you say, you are not the person you used to be so he feels like he has lost you also.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I also became a different person after becoming a mother. I realize that I do focus a lot more on being a mother than being a wife. I also discovered the appeal of flirting with an affair. It is very addictive behavior, but it can be conquered. I hope counseling helps.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Sensitive- flirting with cheating I get it I do it is nice to feel good about your self ego etc. But he changed to he for got how to be my friend he for got how to talk to me he for got how to please me. I have done it all and still tell him to hell being your wife I want to be your girlfriend again I want to fall in love with him everyday and let me tell you I use to untill he changed while I was prego. Before the baby he would have never left me home, but once I got prego he was like oh well Im going. I mean I was still cool as beans while prego he would call me at 1-2 in the AM and ask me to go and pick up a trailer and drive 30 min away from our house to pick up one of his buddys that had broken down on his Harley, I use to before he would go out to the bar I would ask can I go so you all have a DD he would say na just stay here. Im not saying I have nothing to do with this I take my part 100% but I though we were suppost to be a family not roomates. Of course he is doing everything he can right now cause he knows Im pissed but I guess Im being passive aggresive (oh I hate that) but I fear in a week or 2 he will be right back and he is really only happy when we are doing what he wants to do he never put's our son or me in front of any one or anything.


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

Have you asked Dr Laura, or read any of her books? I notice your name is MyKidsMom.


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