# Desparate to make things work again..



## DesperateWife (Mar 1, 2011)

My husband & I've been together for 7 years last month & Married almost a year in 3 weeks. A few days ago I made the worst mistake I could ever make. We have, had 2 best friends that’s Lesbian. The most female one was my best friend ofcourse, she even worked next to me at one stage. We got along very well and so did my husband with the more male-ish partner. I loved them both dearly as friends. But unfortunately things turned bad a few days ago at a party we hosted at our place. I went to go check up on my friend when she stayed away to long in the bathroom since alcohol was involved. When I got there she was fine. She got up, washed her hands and turned around & kissed me. I felt shocked that this took place in my bathroom but I felt too bad to just push her away immediately. At that moment my husband walked past the open window & saw everything. He was devastated, I would’ve been too if I was in his shoes. I didn’t mean it & neither did she. It was accidental & not intentional. They shouted at us, my husband freaked out & they got in the car & left. I understand her point of view too, her partner wasn’t always that nice to her, treated her badly at times, took her for granted sometimes & was nice when she wanted something. She just lost control & reacted on instinct. How could I be angry? She felt unwanted & misunderstood our friendship for something more for just a split second.
We had no car so we stayed there for the night. Being upset at what happened & seeking comfort that’s a natural emotion for a women my friend & I sat on the couch trying to talk things through till 5 the next morning and finally fell asleep on the couch not intentionally together. They came back at 7 to confront us & took it up the wrong way for falling asleep in the same room. 
They believe that it’s been going on for some time. This was a once off accident, what do I do from here?
I know getting back the trust lost will be very hard & might take years. My Husband even let me move back in to try again. His family hates me & most of the friends too. His family will never forgive me for what happened & they even threatened to have me humiliated so bad in public that nobody will ever forget it.
The male-ish partner came to my workplace where I apologized to her & gave her my side of the story. She’s still angry at me which I don’t blame her for being. I would also like to mentioned that I’ve cut off any means of communication with the friend that things went wrong with 3 days ago already. 

How do I go through this, what do I have to do to make things better & try making my marriage work again? How do I regain my husbands trust, face the world & give an apology that everyone can understand?
Please help me with any kind of advise you have to offer and if it’s out of personal experience please feel free to give me your thoughts on this.
I would do anything for my marriage to work again. I love him too much to lose him over something as stupid as this.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Instead of asking us, why not ask your husband. Ask him what it will take for him to (a) believe your version of the story and (b) be able to trust you.

As for everyone else, they don't matter. Deal with your husband first and if he can accept and move on, everyone else should be able to do that too.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Chris' advise sounds good-----also,make sure you are 100% honest.


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## DesperateWife (Mar 1, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> Instead of asking us, why not ask your husband. Ask him what it will take for him to (a) believe your version of the story and (b) be able to trust you.
> 
> As for everyone else, they don't matter. Deal with your husband first and if he can accept and move on, everyone else should be able to do that too.




Thank you so much, you're advise has helped me so much.
I'm happy to say that things are finally looking up again!


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Chris' advice is spot on, in my opinion. I'll add something that might sound judgemental, but I really don't mean it to be. Challenge yourself and ask why you couldn't automatically say no. Simple mistakes can get us in big trouble. Try to learn from this.

The reason I say this is because your husband might be one of those with trust issues. Its neither here nor there to say its his fault, though, because the result could affect you in the form of marital problems. My wife had trust issues, and even when I didn't respond to a pass from one of her friends, it seemed like I was the bad guy. "Women just don't make passes unless the husband did something," was her reasoning.

To me, my own more serious experience is quite embarrasing, so I'm glad this is anonymous. I've just always been muscular and lean, but I was the one my female friends went to for a shoulder to lean on before I met my wife. After marriage, we invited friends to stay with us a few days while my wife and I were at the beach. You guessed it - my wife walked in after her friend stepped out of the shower and took a left into my room instead of a right (the friend thought we were alone). So, I was approached by a naked, beautiful woman and my wife walked in. Instinctively, I wrapped her in a blanket and shooed her out. That was when my wife announced herself. I got permanent brownie points with my wife, so the next few times something like this happened over the years (as a supervisor, sudden unsolicited kisses happen), trust was not an issue.

The moral of the story - when a 'friend' suddenly kissed her, she was too flattered to make him stop, so "people are human" should be the moral, but real life intervenes. This didn't really bother me. Its not like she slept with him.


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