# Need advice because this is not normal!



## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

My husband recently brought my packages off the porch and asked me “what are these”. At that point I thought he was playing because he wouldn’t let them go. I walked off and said when your done, put them on the dining room table(where we usually put packages that come). Instead, he continued into the kitchen where I was and dropped them on the kitchen floor. (Granted he hadn’t been upset about anything that day, because we had just got in from shopping for his grandson). I looked at him and said “I would never throw anything of yours on the floor”. He said “ah now it’s the end of the world right!?” And didn’t pick them up. He just left them there and went upstairs. I left the packages right where he dropped them and left the house. This is not normal and not someone “just playing around” to me it’s sheer disrespect! This is real-time so I don’t know they remain. But have a decision to make if they are still there.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I'm so confused... You joined a forum because your husband had one hissy fit? Yeah he had a poor reaction but yours seems like an overreaction too. 

If he doesn't usually act like this, then wait until he has calmed down and go talk about it. You "have a decision to make if they are still there"? Yeah, it's pick them up or leave them there. Pick the items up off the floor, don't make it into an even bigger deal. Everyone gets pissy sometimes. Maybe he's stressing about money, who knows.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

bobert said:


> I'm so confused... You joined a forum because your husband had one hissy fit? Yeah he had a poor reaction but yours seems like an overreaction too.
> 
> If he doesn't usually act like this, then wait until he has calmed down and go talk about it. You "have a decision to make if they are still there"? Yeah, it's pick them up or leave them there. Pick the items up off the floor, don't make it into an even bigger deal. Everyone gets pissy sometimes. Maybe he's stressing about money, who knows.


Not sure why you are confused, because I don’t think I said I joined because he had a “Hissie fit”, (and thanks for putting a name on it). I know for sure your first paragraph was an overreaction from you to my comment. And you’re confused then maybe you’re not the one who should comment. Be blessed!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I imagine you aren't just posting because of this one incident. So what else is wrong with your situation? From where I'm sitting, this sounds like the tip of the iceberg.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

Kodiak50 said:


> Not sure why you are confused, because I don’t think I said I joined because he had a “Hissie fit”, (and thanks for putting a name on it). I know for sure your first paragraph was an overreaction from you to my comment. And you’re confused then maybe you’re not the one who should comment. Be blessed!


Yep, read it again never said this instance is why I joined! I was so hoping this wasn’t going to turn into FB.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Kodiak50 said:


> Not sure why you are confused, because I don’t think I said I joined because he had a “Hissie fit”, (and thanks for putting a name on it). I know for sure your first paragraph was an overreaction from you to my comment. And you’re confused then maybe you’re not the one who should comment. Be blessed!


You're a cheery one to have around. Have fun making a mountain out of a molehill.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> I imagine you aren't just posting because of this one incident. So what else is wrong with your situation? From where I'm sitting, this sounds like the tip of the iceberg.


You are correct. It’s feels like a culmination, but because there wasn’t any anger associated with it, it felt like deeper meaning. Sometimes others have experienced similar instances, so I was hoping to learn something from that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

This isn't FB. This is a marriage forum. People want to help, but they need a bit more information in order to formulate more in-depth responses. You started thread asking if your husband's behavior was "normal." Well, I don't know. If he behaves like this on a consistent basis, then I'd say it's "normal" for him. Frankly, I'd frame his behavior as boorish and childish rather than normal. JMO.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

Kodiak50 said:


> You are correct. It’s feels like a culmination, but because there wasn’t any anger associated with it, it felt like deeper meaning. Sometimes others have experienced similar instances, so I was hoping to learn something from that.


Often he cuts me off while I’m talking just to say “you’re talking too loud”. Again culminating.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> This isn't FB. This is a marriage forum. People want to help, but they need a bit more information in order to formulate more in-depth responses. You started thread asking if your husband's behavior was "normal." Well, I don't know. If he behaves like this on a consistent basis, then I'd say it's "normal" for him. Frankly, I'd frame his behavior as boorish and childish rather than normal. JMO.


thank you!


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

Kodiak50 said:


> thank you!


He has done this once before. Out of nowhere.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I was married to an alcoholic. He did some pretty crazy stuff, and a lot of it was wildly passive-aggressive. And Christmas time was when he kicked it into high gear. I'd be happy to give you feedback, but as I said, with so little to go on, I can only offer limited responses.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

bobert said:


> You're a cheery one to have around. Have fun making a mountain out of a molehill.


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Kodiak50 said:


> But have a decision to make if they are still there.


Divorce him
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and give the poor sod a break from being married to you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Does he think you're spending too much money and that's why he's taking it out on the packages? I don't think it's right of him to drop the packages anywhere because he doesn't know what's in them and they could be breakable. He sounds mad about something. Are you sure you don't already know what it is? I would leave them right where they sit because he did it intentionally.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Looks like you made a bad go of it with your old man, now you are into it with us.

I throw my _lot _in with your husband.

Bam! My _lot_ just hit the floor!

My attitude is now sitting there. And, I am not gonna move it.

Your' move.



_SunCMars-

Oh, and Merry Christmas!_


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

**** happens. That wasn't that big of a deal. Geez.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

No his behavior isn't normal. It does seem to be some reaction to the packages. Do you two talk about spending and what is appropriate? Has he previous expressed an frustration about the amount of packages or purchases you are making? HOw has your family budget been impacted by the pandemic.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

Wait until he calms down and ask him what's going on. The fact you came here to discuss this means to me that there's probably more than just this incident going on in your marriage.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

maree said:


> Wait until he calms down and ask him what's going on. The fact you came here to discuss this means to me that there's probably more than just this incident going on in your marriage.


Yes. First time in any type of forum let alone discussing my marriage. So as I get more familiar here I can get comfortable sharing more. But that actually happened real time and upset me. By the way the bags were still there on the kitchen floor when I returned 2 hours later. To me that was a statement.


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## Kodiak50 (Dec 24, 2020)

Kodiak50 said:


> Yes. First time in any type of forum let alone discussing my marriage. So as I get more familiar here I can get comfortable sharing more. But that actually happened real time and upset me. By the way the bags were still there on the kitchen floor when I returned 2 hours later. To me that was a statement.


He wasn’t there, and I picked them up of course. We haven’t spoken a word since.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Not to sound rude, but this forum needs more context. People join and provide a lot of context before sharing the recent blow up.

This post looks like you joined because you’re mad your husband threw a fit out of nowhere and didn’t put your packages where they go. Was it nice? No. Is it something to divorce over? No, but only based on the info you gave.

We are all entitled to bad days. Maybe holiday stress? Sounds like a situation where you need to extend some grace.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The only thing “not normal” was your reaction. He gets no credit for bringing in the packages and putting them in on the kitchen floor? In many marriages, your husband would deserve a bj that night for helping his wife bring in packages.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> The only thing “not normal” was your reaction. He gets no credit for bringing in the packages and putting them in on the kitchen floor? In many marriages, your husband would deserve a bj that night for helping his wife bring in packages.


My husband will get his Amazon packages from the porch and leave mine....OP may need to calm down and realize every marriage has its “things”.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> He gets no credit for bringing in the packages and putting them in on the kitchen floor? In many marriages, your husband would deserve a bj that night for helping his wife bring in packages.


What the hell planet do YOU live on?

The guy is an abusive prick and seems to delight in disrespecting her and demeaning her - like cutting her off when she's talking and telling her she talks too loud or acting like a damned 12 year old and letting her packages fall to the floor without knowing whether they had anything fragile.

The guy is a d*ck. Pure and simple.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What the hell planet do YOU live on?
> 
> The guy is an abusive prick and seems to delight in disrespecting her and demeaning her - like cutting her off when she's talking and telling her she talks too loud or acting like a damned 12 year old and letting her packages fall to the floor without knowing whether they had anything fragile.
> 
> The guy is a d*ck. Pure and simple.


Respectfully, you’re looking way too deep into this. There’s nothing to see here. There’s no ‘smoke’ unless someone wants to always look for ‘smoke’.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> The only thing “not normal” was your reaction. He gets no credit for bringing in the packages and putting them in on the kitchen floor? *In many marriages, your husband would deserve a bj that night for helping his wife bring in packages.*


Lol. I suspect in many marriages the wife should have raised the bar before saying "I do".


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> Lol. I suspect in many marriages the wife should have raised the bar before saying "I do".


Agreed. The bar is usually set by the women before marriage. Like handing out doggy treats, at least so I read...


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Obviously he is pissed and resentful about something, probably to do with the packages or the money you are spending. Both of you acted passive aggressively, him first by dropping the packages on the floor and then you by leaving them there, leaving the house and now not speaking to him. 

So...what the hell is going on? This kind of marriage dyfunction doesn't happen instantly. While he acted like a little **** and your reaction is understandable something had to lead up to this. If not than your husband is a wack job who needs committed.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

Kodiak50 said:


> By the way the bags were still there on the kitchen floor when I returned 2 hours later. To me that was a statement.


Of course it was a statement, but there are tons of reasons why this could have happened. Some of those reasons could be normal, others not. We need context.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Kodiak50 said:


> Yes. First time in any type of forum let alone discussing my marriage. So as I get more familiar here I can get comfortable sharing more. But that actually happened real time and upset me. By the way the bags were still there on the kitchen floor when I returned 2 hours later. To me that was a statement.


so you said you had a decision to make if it was still there when you returned.
What was your decision?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Why don't you give us a wide-angle sketch of the relationship as a whole, putting the incident in context? It's very hard for us to evaluate one little snippet from a life.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Do you shop a lot? Are you good financially? Maybe he doesn’t like that you spend a lot of money? What he did was wrong. If he doesn’t like it, he should have said somthing.
But I have seen worse from my angry husband, unfortunately. My husband broke the laptop two weeks ago


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

moulinyx said:


> My husband will get his Amazon packages from the porch and leave mine....OP may need to calm down and realize every marriage has its “things”.


That's very disrespectful of him. Yet you allow it. That's dysfunctional right there.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Trident said:


> That's very disrespectful of him. Yet you allow it. That's dysfunctional right there.


How are you supposed to not "allow" it?


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Livvie said:


> How are you supposed to not "allow" it?


By making it clear that the selfishness and lack of caring and consideration will not be tolerated.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

I do think it is disrespectful and wrong of him. However, this sounds to me like a typical row or bad behaviour that occurs in most marriages. Yes, he knows he was wrong, yes he is probably aware of that, yes he probably feels bad but will not show it and is now trying to figure out how to back track but is not quite sure how to do it. I speak from experience here, as does practically every other husband in the world. The way my wife normally gets round it is by asking me if I am over my hissy fit or grumpiness yet which breaks the ice and we move on.

Now, if this is one of a series of incidents which demonstrate a very regular pattern of behaviour, then you have a different problem.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kodiak50 said:


> You are correct. It’s feels like a culmination, but because there wasn’t any anger associated with it, it felt like deeper meaning. Sometimes others have experienced similar instances, so I was hoping to learn something from that.


A guy throwing packages on the ground seems disrespectful but there's not much we can say if you do not give us context. There must be other stuff surrounding this and your marriage. You sound like you are mature enough to have some respect for posters here too instead of getting snappy. If you want help, then be prepared to hear the good, the bad and the ugly, no sugar coating. If you have the attitude you are showing here then I am not surprised he is throwing a tantrum. Darling you catch many more flies with honey than vinegar.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Harold Demure said:


> I do think it is disrespectful and wrong of him. However, this sounds to me like a typical row or bad behaviour that occurs in most marriages. Yes, he knows he was wrong, yes he is probably aware of that, *yes he probably feels bad but will not show it and is now trying to figure out how to back track but is not quite sure how to do it*. I speak from experience here, as does practically every other husband in the world. The way my wife normally gets round it is by asking me if I am over my hissy fit or grumpiness yet which breaks the ice and we move on.
> 
> Now, if this is one of a series of incidents which demonstrate a very regular pattern of behaviour, then you have a different problem.


Because saying "I'm sorry I acted like a jerk" is just too hard? Or, is it too long-winded?


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Kodiak50 said:


> ! This is real-time so I don’t know they remain. But have a decision to make if they are still there.


The only wrong thing he did his by dropping them like that. It’s not his job to put them away, it’s your also. He may do it out of respect, but it’s your job too. Were they heavy and big? It makes sense why he dropped them like that if they were. Sometimes I leave the package by the door and forget about it and others don’t touch thinking it’s mine to open. He wil probably did not touch it thinking it’s yours and not because he wants to send you a “message“. or the message is “why don’t you try to put them away since they are yours?” Are you OCD? Are you controlling? After reading it again I felt like he is tired of being used or tired of your shoppings. Have you received too many boxes lately?
He asked you a question, “ What are these”? and you not even ignored him bit gave him orders to put them away. That’s why he did it. You showed him who is the “boss” in the house, or no worth answering.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Kodiak50 said:


> Not sure why you are confused, because I don’t think I said I joined because he had a “Hissie fit”, (and thanks for putting a name on it). I know for sure your first paragraph was an overreaction from you to my comment. And you’re confused then maybe you’re not the one who should comment. Be blessed!


Kind suggestion, beware jumping to a hostile defensive posture immediately. That doesn't usually invite the broad perspective responses that provide Posters with best advice comments. 

Differing perspectives often provide Posters with bits of needed objective views.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Because saying "I'm sorry I acted like a jerk" is just too hard? Or, is it too long-winded?


Blondilocks, husbands have to be jerks at least once a year, it is in our job description 😆


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