# Irritated and confused



## lotsoftears57 (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi, it's been awhile since I came to the forum. My husband and I are trying to work on our relationship. He has gone to the doctor before and got hormone shots. It's been almost 15 years that our sex life has gone completely down hill. When he started the shots, I noticed he was getting a bit more excited and we tried having sex and he did well. The best he ever did in years/decades. Then his doctor told him that he want's to change my husband from shots to a cream. The doc told him it is better then the shots. The thing is he needed to make an appointment after he was done with the shots and he could start on the cream. Well, it's been 3 months now and he knows he suppose to go back to the doctors. I have been noticing his watching porn movies, cause our cable bill is higher then before. So, I asked him nicely about the porn movies and if it is helping him. He said no. I then tell him that he must make an appointment to see the doctor to get on the cream. His like yeah, I know. I need to do it. But he doesn't do it. He tells me he can't even get hard and it's depressing etc. So, why is this man wishing he can keep watching porn and one day he will get it up? I told him why don't we both watch porn together? He refuses to answer me. I was getting mad, and I have been putting up with this man with no sex drive for along time. What must I do now? I was feeling some hope when we had the sex 3 months ago and I told him how well he did. So, I don't see what and why he just don't go to the doctors. He is really close and open with his doctor. UGH!!!!:scratchhead:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You know, avoidant people get on my nerves sooooo much! 

I think it's important to inspire, to challenge, and to reinforce a set of positive beliefs you hold about your H as you confront the issues with him. Also keep in mind if his T levels have already dropped, he is likely feeling a little depressed and hopeless which makes coping with hard issues even harder...no pun intended...though wouldn't some hardening be nice right about now?

Tactful and diplomatic: 
Honey, I know this causes you pain and you don't want to deal with it. I have always admired your ability to slog through hardships and keep focused on what's important. I can imagine this issue weighs you down a lot! But I need you to love me enough to do this for me. Want me to make the call for you because it seems like you're avoiding it.

Straight challenge.
Pick up the damn phone and make the damn call you damn baby!


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## lotsoftears57 (Aug 25, 2013)

Thanks Anonpink for the straight up feedback. I will call is doc for him, even if he so dam lazy or doesn't care what evers be the case. I just thought since he was dealing with this same doctor and the doctor knows about his issue, that it would be easy for him to make his follow up call and get on the Hormone cream. What's so darn hard for him to call. It's not like this is new to him, and this is is not his first appointment. It's a follow up!! I think it's something else that's bothering him. He also has a pysc that he see too. I just don't know or understand this man and I have been with him for 30 years. I must be the stupid one really!! Just saying :iagree:


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

I don't think it's laziness as much as it is likely shame. A man's c*ck and ego are closely entertwined. Sex and ego are too. To not be able to 'perform', and especially to see it get worse, has got to be awful for him, as well. I'm betting he's watching porn to see if it was the connection with you that is off, or if it's him. Discovering that it's him, he withdrew more.

I agree to push him some, but this is not the typical "he's withholding sex" scenario; there is an already-established major health issue at play. I understand your frustration, but empathy might be the winner here (over anger).


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