# Hitting the wall, due to meds. Need to vent.



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Been on SSRI's for two months now. Slowly climbing out of the fog of depression & anxiety...starting to feel clear headed again and normal.

Except that, as with many others on these drugs, I feel that I have completely lost my sex drive.

I would say I was mid drive before Meds. Wanted it at least once a week, could go for 3-4 times a week easily.

Now, its nothing. No desire for sex. No desire for masturbation. No O in 6 weeks. Its completely different than being low drive. Even when I force myself to go through the motions and pray/hope that my body wakes up along the way to participate, its nothing. I don't lubricate, I feel notthing down there, same as when someone touches your arm.

I need these Meds. My mental state was too much to bear. I know I am doing what is right for me, but is it right for my marriage? 

My H is supportive of improving my mental health, but I don't think he realized what I signed myself up for. It is worse for him too, because in starting the Meds I have lost close to 20lbs in two months, so I am looking better, and I am obviously more happy/playful and affectionate than when I was depressed, so now he wants it more.

Soooo...I don't know what a good long term solution is. I literally have to write myself a note to remind myself to have sex, and even then despite my best efforts it appears forced because my body just isn't cooperating physically.

What would you want if you were the husband in this situation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What are you taking? Wellbutrin (bupropion) tends to increase libido.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Taking Lexapro. I may eventually switch Meds but since I just started, my doc wants me to stay on it for awhile longer before switching around. I am still in the beginning phases of trying to figure out the correct dosing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kag123 said:


> Taking Lexapro. I may eventually switch Meds but since I just started, my doc wants me to stay on it for awhile longer before switching around. I am still in the beginning phases of trying to figure out the correct dosing.


I tried Lexapro. It left me just not feeling anything emotionally. I was so 'flat' that I couldn't stand it. It was truely as bad as being depressed.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I am the husband (fiancee) in this situation.

My fiancee went through about two years of a very low sex drive due to medication. She suffers from depression and panic attacks, so she's on medication for it. 

She's been on medication for it for about 15 years now, but just shortly after we started dating, she had a few major issues in life and her doctor (wrongly in hindsight) switch her from one anti-depressant to another).

Her swing in moods was dramatic, and along with everything that changed, so did her sex drive. Went from basically hunting me down for sex, to sex once every 2-3 weeks and her having no drive at all. We had sex because I basically guilted her into it (not through a guilt trip, but rather she felt sorry for me getting turned down all the time). So a lot of pity sex.

A few things helped.

First, she switched back to her regular medication. The medication wasn't at fault, just what life was throwing at her at the time. Even on medications, there are sometimes things that we can't handle. The doctor should have helped her rid it out and recommend counselling, not switch her med's in the middle of a crisis. Rather dumb in hindsight.

Second, she got better coping skills. Before, when even the simplest thing would happen, she'd let it bother her. i remember one time a heavy wind snapped one of our smaller trees (about 6 year old). She freaked over that, even though now you can't even tell which tree it was that snapped because of how it grew and how young it was. Now, very little gets her upset. She still has her highs and lows, but it's not bad and she's learned to take things more in stride, like a few recent deaths in the family. Counselling helped with this, as did a supportive atmosphere at home.

Third, I had a talk with her about sex. I put up with the low sexual frequency (once every two weeks on average) for about two years, but when she started discussing us living together, I brought up the issue of sex. I had explained that i wasn't happy before, but I don't know if she really understood I wasn't happy until I told her that I would consider passing up buying this house and living with her over the issue. The house in question was the one her mother owned and she was willing to sell it to us for what was owing on the mortgage, so about $75,000 below market value, so it's a huge benefit financially. I think this showed just how serious I was about sex.

I assume you recognize the issue sex plays in a marriage, hence why you are on this message board. That said, it may be worth it to get your husbands take on things again, from his side.

And youa re right, when your wife is happy, in better shape and playful, you want her A LOT more. You feel like you have a permanent plank of wood in your pants!

Kudos to you for being so proactive about this issue Kag123. Hopefully things work out for you soon and I hope my experience helps you.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

kag123 said:


> What would you want if you were the husband in this situation?


I would want my wife to be well and would put sex on the backburner until she was. Have you considered giving him oral?


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

I know someone who had the same issue with Lexapro. However, her doctor added Wellbutrin and her libido and sexual response normalized just fine afterwards.


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## allworx (Dec 7, 2012)

Lexapro killed my sex drive.. I have stop taking it now, it took about 3 months to get back to my normal.


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## popcorn (Nov 2, 2012)

I have a few friends that are taking Bupropion (Wellbutrin) and their sex drives went through the roof. One of them is taking it for that reason only. Maybe it's worth a try?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't have any advice. But now that I know that you're basically a clone of my wife, I'll be watching this thread closely to see if anything works for you.

Good luck!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is why I hate meds. I've tried a bunch and they all did something bad to my sex drive. I quit taking them all and beat this with talk therapy, diet, supplements and exercise. I never lasted more than 2-3 weeks on meds because the side affects weren't worth it. And now that I'm 'cured' I'm glad I did what I did.

So my advice to you is are you seeking help in addition to the meds or will you be a lifetime user?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I wanted to give a bit of an update since I was surprised to see this thread back.

I am now feeling like I am fully functioning on my Meds and seeing the benefits of taking them. Seriously, I feel like a new person. Its been years since I can remember feeling my mind clear, my purpose restored, my optimism back.

I am in therapy as well as Meds. I am also under care of an M.D. because I have a host of G.I. issues which we believe are due to my intense untreated anxiety for the last several years. (One of which is a stomach ulcer).

I will likely be a lifetime user. Most of my family are, and despite many attempts by some family members to get off the Meds and fix things naturally, they have all ended up back on Meds.

Yes, my sex drive has taken a bit of a hit, but I think we can work through it for the time being. It has gotten better sligjtly now that i have gotten past the initial side-effecta stage. I currently have desire for about once a week. H has a higher drive than that, so we compromise by me offering him Bjs when I just can't get into it. Most of the time though, if he really shows me that he desires me, he can get me interested. We are working on it - initiating was never his strength. 

We had an honest discussion about it and H told me he is so happy to see me finally feeling better again and returning to the person I used to be, that he will take the sexual side effects (at least for now). We made an agreement that if he thinks the negative outweighs the positives with me taking these Meds that I would switch Meds or try to come off of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Nice to hear kag123, but regarding your last paragrapgh, should it be both of you who decide whether the negative outweighs the positive, not just him?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

kag123 said:


> I will likely be a lifetime user. Most of my family are, and despite many attempts by some family members to get off the Meds and fix things naturally, they have all ended up back on Meds.


My family tree reads like some psychological journal of craziness and yet I still managed to get off meds and heal myself. If I based my potential for success on my family I would have been a lifetime user of meds too. 

Just because others in your family haven't succeeded doesn't necessarily mean you can't.


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