# Her silence...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, the plan to confront the missus about my suspicions of her putting her guard up with me for the last 6 months didn't work. Denial denial denial...

Then she accused me of spoiling for a fight when there's 'nothing' to be fighting about, of trying to sabotage us for 'no reason', of being 'immature' and 'childish' even. I didn't go through with my planned 'explosion'. Now for some reason I even feel as if she's subconsciously trying to torture me for forcing her to go through our crisis last year. 

What's she thinking? I don't get what's going on. She's somehow even managing to really convince me nothing is wrong, it's like she's wearing a face now, hell, she's still smiling (creepy)... I swear I'll never understand her sometimes

EDIT: Ok... now assuming she's not that malicious, another question...

Do you think some of the new 'behaviors' we picked up this year became detrimental to our relationship? For example, she's a lot more compromising but maybe she feels resentment over it. She's been trying on these 'good wife' shoes, but I would prefer a wife that argues with me then one that doesn't want to admit there's a slow growing rift coming between us.

EDIT2: Come on! No replies? Why? =/
Is everyone just as clueless as me in this situation?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why do you feel she is resentful over compromising? Did she never used to compromise and does it more now? I am not sure what your full crisis was last year but I believe you said you split and then got back together quickly and it was due to an interfaith issue?

If she is saying nothing is wrong, maybe back off for a bit but generally you can feel when someone is being standoffish or resentful toward you so your gut is prob def picking up SOMEthing.

Did you guys usd to fight a lot and now you don't anymore? Or have you never really fought?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Why do you feel she is resentful over compromising?


I just feel it =/


> Did she never used to compromise and does it more now?


She was DIFFICULT to get to compromise, stubborn as hell, and I LOVED IT as much as I HATED IT...


> I am not sure what your full crisis was last year but I believe you said you split and then got back together quickly and it was due to an interfaith issue?


Yes, I joined this forum because of it.


> If she is saying nothing is wrong, maybe back off for a bit but generally you can feel when someone is being standoffish or resentful toward you so your gut is prob def picking up SOMEthing.


That's what I'm thinking...


> Did you guys usd to fight a lot and now you don't anymore? Or have you never really fought?


We used to fight all the time and also had some very enjoyable make up experiences. It's been... SIX MONTHS, since those times however... =/


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Six months of zero sex or six months of no fighting??



RandomDude said:


> She was DIFFICULT to get to compromise, stubborn as hell, and I LOVED IT as much as I HATED IT...


Hmm...so was one of your issues in the past (crisis) that you wanted he to compromise more than she did and it was creating problems? Was that one of the major problems you were having? What kind of things does she not compromise over? Please explain more.

How long have you been together? 

Does she work? How is she emotionally? (Meaning has she been happy lately with her life, the kid(s), work, social life, at home?)


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Maybe she's tired of it.


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## Kevan (Mar 28, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Come on! No replies? Why? =/


I just spent ten minutes researching your recent posts for more information about your "plan." First I looked at threads you'd started...nothing there. So then I looked at all your posts for the past few days. The only thing I picked up was that you planned to have a big fight (more or less your words) and that you cheated on your wife a year ago, but things got better between you.

If you want quick and helpful replies, maybe you could fill in a little more background info for those of us who aren't tuned in to the RandomDude channel. 



RandomDude said:


> my suspicions of her putting her guard up...I even feel as if she's subconsciously trying to torture me...She's somehow even managing to really convince me nothing is wrong...


Sounds as if you're attempting quite a bit of mind reading. Does she not talk to you at all about her feelings? Do you ask?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and don't bait her into an argument.

Oh I didn't realize the cheating was only a yr ago. Can you elaborate on what happened? It could very well be she is still resentful of that and it's growing over time if she does not feel you were sincere in asking forgiveness and coming clean to her...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Kevan said:


> If you want quick and helpful replies, maybe you could fill in a little more background info *for those of us who aren't tuned in to the RandomDude channel*.


:rofl:

I agree. You will have to elaborate more so we get a better picture of what happened that led to the crisis, separating, the cheating, and where you are now.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Six months of zero sex or six months of no fighting??


Six months of zero sex? :rofl: 
Oh hell that WOULD BE THE DAY! LOL... Sorry...

Nah, six months of zero fighting



> Hmm...so was one of your issues in the past (crisis) that you wanted he to compromise more than she did and it was creating problems? Was that one of the major problems you were having? What kind of things does she not compromise over? Please explain more.
> 
> How long have you been together?


We have been together for years, hell is it 4 or 5 years, can't remember, but our marriage is young, 2-3 years as of this moment. The issue in the past was erm... complicated. But we decided to 'try something new', to prevent what happened in the past from happening again.



> Does she work? How is she emotionally? (Meaning has she been happy lately with her life, the kid(s), work, social life, at home?)


She is happy it seems, no she doesn't work, I'm the sole provider. We both love our daughter very much and we also both have a healthy social life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Six months of zero sex? :rofl:
> Oh hell that WOULD BE THE DAY! LOL... Sorry...
> .


Hey, it's a legitimate question. In fact I wasn't aware of how many sexless marriages there were until I joined TAM. I personally don't get it, but apparently it's quite common.



RandomDude said:


> We have been together for years, hell is it 4 or 5 years, can't remember, but our marriage is young, 2-3 years as of this moment. *The issue in the past was erm... complicated. But we decided to 'try something new', to prevent what happened in the past from happening again*.


RD, without more details, it's hard to give you advice. Paint a bigger picture for us that don't know what went down.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ARGH... Ok life story coming up... BRACE YOURSELF...

Ok... how did we meet... out of the blue, became best of friends. My ex at that time went O.O... fast forward half a year, I got stolen from my ex. Fast forward even more, we got together. Fast forward again, baby bells! After that... it happened (see my avatar)

Now, fast forward until last year...
You see, I'm a "pagan", while she's a Christian. Over time she got more and more into her religion which frustrated me. It got to the point that things got really bad last year when she tried to use all her friends against me to get her way. I stood my ground, eventually kicking her out of the house in the process, and yeah - that was our crisis.

Since reconciliation we have taken many steps to improve our marriage. But over time this year I've noticed that our level of communication has dropped...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What do you mean "ex went O.O.?" What's O.O.?

So you guys were cheating together for about 6 months before you ended it with ex and got with Mrs. RD? 


Did your wife know you were pagan when you met? Did you know she was Christian? Was this ever discussed pre-marriage?

What thing did she use her friends against you to get her way? Please explain.

Also, you made no mention of how you cheated on her last yr. Explain.

What positive steps have you made together that have improved from last yr? List them.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My ex went O.O ... aka she went psycho because she spotted DA DOOM of our little relationship. Erm... I wouldn't call it 'cheating' but yes it was an emotional affair.

As for our crisis last year - it's religion, HER 'morals' over mine, which led to a lot of BS. In other words, she was "playing god", and I told her to shove it. As for friends, me - I'm a full-time worker, the funny thing is that most of my social life is controlled by her - so it was easy to get friends on her side to make me look bad and attempt to get me to bend knee to her... which will never happen (ignore the avatar in this case)

As for me cheating on her, that happened years ago before marriage, similar issues - religion. I got fed up and... one thing led to another. It was a one off, either way it damaged us heaps.

As for positive steps we have taken - I'm no longer a hard-ass, I no longer hold myself back when it comes to expressing to her how much I feel which it seems she needed. For her, she understood my needs for space and has not raped me for 6 months. We've improved sure, but things are just too 'perfect' and it's because of this.

She's holding back, I can feel it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> For example, she's a lot more compromising but maybe she feels resentment over it. She's been trying on these 'good wife' shoes, but I would prefer a wife that argues with me then one that doesn't want to admit there's a slow growing rift coming between us.


I would think this is could be very likely, she is trying to BE and act a certain way -against her nature so to speak to please you in these uncompromising things you may have gotten her to agree too -but since her heart is not in it , she could be building resentful slowly & seethingly. 

So what are these main issues you agreed to "do" for one another, to change for one another - and what do you feel she is secretly pi**ed about. 

I am kinda like your wife, If I am mad about something or not in agreement but am backed into a corner & don't really resolve it fully -in my head with the right attitude going forth, it would affect how I reacted to that person and my whole self. Maybe she is TRYING to "fake it" till she thinks she can "make it" somehow but it is sourly backfiring with tension in the air. 


Issues, what are the biggies -that you feel may NOT have been totally resolved ?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

That's my suspicion, unfortunately she doesn't seem willing to admit, so hey, going to go along, until I end up with a better plan then complete explosion.

I feel she's secretly P-ed off over everything that she's been doing. We've made a lot of compromises but I'm not so sure if some of them were made willingly. But the thing is, I also feel that there is much lingering pain from our past crisis that she's not completely gotten over.

Issues... sex for one. Hell come to think of it she has been TOO agreeable on a lot of things. The thing is though I feel there's still some fear and pain over what happened between us as well but she doesn't seem to want to admit it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah to me it sounds like something for her wasn't resolved and maybe that is why she is acting liek thsi now. She has resentment over whatever wshe feels wasn't thoroughly dealt with.

The problem is you have asked he rand she won't open up to you. I say, back off. Cause if you keep bringing it up, it's going to piss her off.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Back off? Will that work? If you were in her shoes, would you tell your hubby eventually? =/


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What is the sex issue? Does she want more/less/want you to do something different? 

You can only work with waht she tells you. So while you feel it's growing (resentment) she has told you its nothing so will have to deal with it. Now if she starts hurting your feelings, then you need to speak up.

You keep mentioning FEAR. What is that all about???


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Back off? Will that work? If you were in her shoes, would you tell your hubby eventually? =/


I told you to back off because you have already asked her if something is wrong and she said No. So if she is going to pout, then that is her issue if she won't share it with you. So don't ask her again.

As for me, I would totally tell my partner. But I am the kind of person who doesn't like to keep what and how I feel inside. I think not talking about important stuff makes things worse.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sex issue is that she's a nymphomaniac and it drives me nuts because she used to rape me every morning, then during work, then when I get back, and before sleepy sleepy. Sex drive imbalance.

Well she IS hurting my feelings, unless she's 100% happy and comfortable with me, sharing everything... I'm not =/

Fear? Well considering I almost trashed her world its understandable that she doesn't want to remember how we almost split for good.



> So don't ask her again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tell her she is hurting your feelings. You could say "Look I know that you said nothing is wrong so I won't ask you about it again but right now I feel like my feelings are being hurt because of XYZ."

Re: sex issue--so you want it less???


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Re: sex issue--so you want it less???


Yes, because my ballsac is not paid for overtime.



> Tell her she is hurting your feelings. You could say "Look I know that you said nothing is wrong so I won't ask you about it again but right now I feel like my feelings are being hurt because of XYZ."


Nice line actually, might use that tomorrow come to think of it.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> Sex issue is that she's a nymphomaniac and it drives me nuts because she used to rape me every morning, then during work, then when I get back, and before sleepy sleepy. Sex drive imbalance.
> 
> Well she IS hurting my feelings, unless she's 100% happy and comfortable with me, sharing everything... I'm not =/
> 
> Fear? Well considering I almost trashed her world its understandable that she doesn't want to remember how we almost split for good.


She used to rape you every morning? 

So she forced sex on you against your will/consent?

If my H raped me everyday, I wouldn't hang around. No way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thank you Star, that is one of the kinder comments I tend to get after admitting our little sexual dilemma.

Since I'm a man however, when I go "Help! My wife rapes me"
The typical response is:
"Well arent you a lucky bastard!"
"MAN UP!"
"I wish I had your problem!"

Double standard to the max!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Yes, because my ballsac is not paid for overtime.


:rofl:

So even during this problem now she is still raping you 3-4 times a day? LOL.

Tell her you want less sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nah, she's improved this year (most times anyway), but I'm guessing this adds to her resentment.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So how often does she want to do it? How often do you?

You guys will have to compromise on it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

How often does she want it? Everyday, 3x at least.
How often do I want it? I don't care, I prefer romance/tease and the game. I HATE routine, I HATE duty.

Compromise? Yet she's p-ed because she's compromising... Hell I don't know, anyways our sexual issues is probably just a piece of the whole cake.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> Thank you Star, that is one of the kinder comments I tend to get after admitting our little sexual dilemma.
> 
> Since I'm a man however, when I go "Help! My wife rapes me"
> The typical response is:
> ...


Yeh I can see the double standard but if this truly is rape and she is forcing herself on you when you try to get her to stop of push her off then that is totally wrong, she needs help.

It's one thing to be aggressive/forceful in mutually consentual sex but rape is a different ball game.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> How often does she want it? Everyday, 3x at least.


Yeah I wouldn't be down with that either. Makes it sort of lose it's luster, IMO.

Yep you are right. The sex issues are just 1 of many. Well you should tell her you want to switch it up.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Switch it up? What's that mean?



> Yeh I can see the double standard but if this truly is rape and she is forcing herself on you when you try to get her to stop of push her off then that is totally wrong, she needs help.
> 
> It's one thing to be aggressive/forceful in mutually consentual sex but rape is a different ball game.


It's a rather interesting feeling nonetheless; I felt used, violated, taken advantage of... it's difficult to describe. She didn't need physical strength to pull it off either; threats, guilt-trips, she did it all. But meh, past is past...

Painful, but meh, I had to suck it up for obvious reasons.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well you said you hate "routine" and "duty" so I said, switch that up. Do something different. Try a new position/environment/etc.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Hm, my husband should feel very lucky. I'm a fellow nympho and while I could _easily_ go 3 times a day, I only push for about 3 times a week. Maybe if I mention your story, he'll appreciate my restraint more


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Funny... I just brought it up on this thread here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/27333-porn-lying-cheating-wives-2.html
Hijacked the thread in the process too...

Bah, everything is so complicated.



> Hm, my husband should feel very lucky. I'm a fellow nympho and while I could easily go 3 times a day, I only push for about 3 times a week. Maybe if I mention your story, he'll appreciate my restraint more


:rofl:
He probably would


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think I brought this up before (??) and even if so, getting treatment conflicts with her church's beliefs - do you feel she is Bi-polar with sexual mania ? although she does not seem reckless with it , remaining faithful and all. Good sign.

What do you think drives her incessan sex drive for so many times a day? Sounds like she "raped" you 3 times a day non-stop, what is it like now ? Here is an article with Hypomania and Mania symptoms, people with just Hypomania do not need treatment. 

Hypomania and Mania Symptoms in Bipolar Disorder


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think I brought this up before (??) and even if so, getting treatment conflicts with her church's beliefs - do you feel she is Bi-polar with sexual mania ? although she does not seem reckless with it , remaining faithful and all. Good sign.
> 
> What do you think drives her incessan sex drive for so many times a day? Sounds like she "raped" you 3 times a day non-stop, what is it like now ? Here is an article with Hypomania and Mania symptoms, people with just Hypomania do not need treatment.
> 
> Hypomania and Mania Symptoms in Bipolar Disorder


:iagree:

Having a high sex drive is one thing. Having a high sex drive and physically or emotionally abusing your partner because of it is quite another. Even if she doesn't have something like BPD, there is no excuse for one partner taking advantage of the other.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You're right Random there is a double standard. Reading this - if you were a woman this thread would be lit up with advice to call the police and have the bum arrested. Supposidly men can not be forced to have sex and therefore can not be raped. It is obviously not true.

It is bad for a man getting raped because his feeling of being invaded and treated like a dildo is not acknowledged. He may hide his feeling because everyone says he should not have them and there is no support system for him. 

Your wife is abusive and disregards you as a person with autonomy and ownership of your body parts, period. This along with the ethnic issues, living where you live, issues with your family and her's makes for a very difficult existence. I am not sure how you mansge it, except that you are an intelligent, resilient and resourceful man. I admire you for this but I also worry. 

Random you need a professional 3rd party to help you work out this complex issues. They will only get worse and you will eventually be burried under your emotional turmoil. Are you willing to get help? A good therapist for you would be male of your ethnicity and a self made man similar to you. 

I don't know what goes with your wife but I beleive strongly in intuition and beleive it is something. Can you do some quite investigating? Who is she spending time with, talking to etc. Check the pastor - I am paranoid but I would also make sure she is not having an E or PA. 

You wife needs treatment. When is an excessive desire for sex is in the eye of the beholder to a certain threshold. However, your wife's demand exceed what any man can provide so I think that it is excessive, coupled with her use of coersion, indicates that she may have a problem. I may be treatable with antidepressant and mood stabilizers if appropriate. 

I think in your relationship dynamic you are not allowed to say her hypersexuality is a sign of a mental issue. It is in my opinion. By not identifying it as such you leave yourself holding the bag with men telling you you are lucky for having an ill wife. You're right you are not lucky and they are crazy. 

You don't need to man up you are man enough. You will have to be firm in your identification of the problem and firm that you both need help. I hope the outcome is good for you both. I feel you are the vulnerable one here and you need someone to acknowledge that and to help you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So is she raping you or does she have a very high sex drive? There is a major difference.




Catherine602 said:


> Your wife is abusive and disregards you as a person with autonomy and ownership of your body parts, period. This along with the ethnic issues, living where you live, issues with your family and her's makes for a very difficult existence. I am not sure how you mansge it, except that you are an intelligent, resilient and resourceful man. I admire you for this but I also worry.


Ok apparently there is a lot more to your story. 

In what other ways does your wife disregard you and do you feel she is abusive?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Is too much sex like too much money or too many gold medals and Nobel prizes? 'Cuz I can so relate to that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Does she have BPD?
Does she emotionally abuse you over the sex? Please explain.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think I brought this up before (??) and even if so, getting treatment conflicts with her church's beliefs - do you feel she is Bi-polar with sexual mania ? although she does not seem reckless with it , remaining faithful and all. Good sign.


Don't know about bipolar really because she is still quite functional, a little psycho sure but don't know about bipolar.



> What do you think drives her incessan sex drive for so many times a day? Sounds like she "raped" you 3 times a day non-stop, what is it like now ? Here is an article with Hypomania and Mania symptoms, people with just Hypomania do not need treatment.
> Hypomania and Mania Symptoms in Bipolar Disorder


The rapes are a thing of the past since we implemented a few changes in our marriage this year, but as a result I feel it's one of the factors of her silent resentment (which she still won't admit).



> Your wife is abusive and disregards you as a person with autonomy and ownership of your body parts, period. This along with the ethnic issues, living where you live, issues with your family and her's makes for a very difficult existence. I am not sure how you mansge it, except that you are an intelligent, resilient and resourceful man. I admire you for this but I also worry.


She was, but since this year, she's got better (and more silent). I actually believe however in some ways she's actually more intelligent then me - crafty too. Like how she engineered the drama last year to attempt to get her way, playing god, getting EVERYONE on her side putting me under a lot of pressure to bend. That's her bad side, she can be rather cunning.



> Random you need a professional 3rd party to help you work out this complex issues. They will only get worse and you will eventually be burried under your emotional turmoil. Are you willing to get help? A good therapist for you would be male of your ethnicity and a self made man similar to you.


We never had luck with therapists especially the way she manipulates them to get them on her side (they become yet another weapon for her to use against me). Hard to find one who will be neutral the whole way.



> I don't know what goes with your wife but I beleive strongly in intuition and beleive it is something. Can you do some quite investigating? Who is she spending time with, talking to etc. Check the pastor - I am paranoid but I would also make sure she is not having an E or PA.


She either spends time with me or her friends, always in touch. It's not like she's not talking to me, she is - but it's like 'talking without communicating' -> For example, her refusal to admit anything is wrong at present. I know she's not having an E or PA. Zero flags, been zero since day one.



> You wife needs treatment. When is an excessive desire for sex is in the eye of the beholder to a certain threshold. However, your wife's demand exceed what any man can provide so I think that it is excessive, coupled with her use of coersion, indicates that she may have a problem. I may be treatable with antidepressant and mood stabilizers if appropriate.


I'm sure we can work it through without drugs as we've come this far yet the changes we implemented it seems may be p-ssing her off silently. Perhaps she feels that her issues is her own burden to carry and due to the seperation last year she no longer trusts me to understand them. She has been trying (a bit too hard) to be a good wife this year.



Jellybeans said:


> Does she have BPD?
> Does she emotionally abuse you over the sex? Please explain.


It's past. The present issue is her silent resentment over the changes from the past, and sex as I mentioned is just a slice of the whole cake.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Did you talk to her about how she's hurting your feelings?

Like Catherine, the thought of a possible EA or PA did cross my mind, too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Did you talk to her about how she's hurting your feelings?


I thought about the line you mentioned but then again I realised I can't do it. It would mean - she wins. And she'll probably do this more often to get me to tell her "hun, you're hurting me"... maybe it's pride, or just knowing that she's the type of woman who would really dig into my weaknesses, nah, there has to be another approach.



> Like Catherine, the thought of a possible EA or PA did cross my mind, too.


 Understandable, but there are no flags, and nothing that even hints that she's doing that. Besides considering that when we were just bf/gf I still remember breaking up with her numerous times and she never hooked up with others, waited for me etc. She's been loyal to me since day one. Just nowadays... meh, she can't admit she's p-ssed.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How would she "win?" If you feel you can't voice your feelings then that is not a good sign. If she continues to do the behavior that you feel is hurtful to you out of spite, then you have bigger problems. 

As for the EA or PA - I'm not trying to sound cynical but I never in a million yrs thought my husband would cheat. In fact, it was HIS dealbreaker in our marriage. And he did it. Granted, she may not be having one at all but what you stated about her doing something purposely to hurt you or have "one over on you" to me is very disconcerting. You did mention she has a history of unwillingness to compromise and now feels resesntful that you guys do this in your relationship. That to me does not sound healthy.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You are assuming she is in touch with her feelings--and that is very often not the case. Your wife seems to have a lot of issues and my guess (based on life experience) is that she honestly has no idea of what really motivates her. Her sexual behavior screams "past abuse" to me--was that every explored? A person in total denial over some past traumatic event will be unable to recognize or admit how deep their fears are--it's just too damn scary. Anyway, I think your wife needs individual counseling with someone who specializes in sex addictions. Look into it. Her sexual behavior, religious obsession, and manipulative tendencies are clues that there is a much deeper problem. Probably none of this is really about you except that she loves you and is terrified of losing you--that much is obvious to YOU and maybe US, but she cannot see it (and her denial is real--she does not see it herself). Good luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Question: has she always been like this? Or have these new behaviors appeared recently around the time of your crisis?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She's a difficult woman at times yes, always tries to get on top. Marital politics...

Well how do I deal with this? She's too intelligent for counsellors too - she is one, knows how they think and work, twists and uses them to her advantage to get on top. The stupid thing is that it seems I'm the only one so far who knows how to stand strong despite her cunning. Funny thing is that it's also the reason why she's always been attracted. Funny thing too is that a part of me actually loves this side of her as much as I hate it. Yet... at the same time, I don't like this 'silent game'. Meh... :scratchhead:



sisters359 said:


> You are assuming she is in touch with her feelings--and that is very often not the case. Your wife seems to have a lot of issues and my guess (based on life experience) is that she honestly has no idea of what really motivates her. Her sexual behavior screams "past abuse" to me--was that every explored? A person in total denial over some past traumatic event will be unable to recognize or admit how deep their fears are--it's just too damn scary. Anyway, I think your wife needs individual counseling with someone who specializes in sex addictions. Look into it. Her sexual behavior, religious obsession, and manipulative tendencies are clues that there is a much deeper problem. Probably none of this is really about you except that she loves you and is terrified of losing you--that much is obvious to YOU and maybe US, but she cannot see it (and her denial is real--she does not see it herself). Good luck.


Yes it was past abuse that led her to her 'adventures' in the past, but more on the 'societal' 'cultural' 'racial' level. Yet she finds solice in her religion now, but to be honest - yes I can see the problem of that, but meh, as if I can pull her away from her church.

This is deep... =/


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well the way it reads to me is you are hurt by what she is doing and afraid of telling her that you are hurt cause you feel she will see you as weak and/or use it against you to be spiteful and "right." 

Which means you give her what she wants, but she doesn't do the same for you.

Unequal footing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

How about I throw a tantrum? =/


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do you feel it would help?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Does she not speak to you at all or she is just being weird in general lately?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She talks to me all the time, the thing is, she's been like this - very loving, passionate, caring, understanding, compromising. Yet I feel the pain and resentment deep inside, and she won't admit it. Wont talk to me about it. It's an act, I can feel it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So you feel her lovingness/passion/caring/understanding is all a show? 

Why? Explain.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No fight for 6 months, her face when I try to re-affirm her that I won't leave her, and when I end up bringing up the past. I can just tell. She didn't eat or sleep during the days of our short-lived seperation when I kicked her out to her parents, I want to comfort her but she won't let me...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why do you re-affirm that you won't leave her? Is it something she asks you all the time??


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nope she doesn't ask. I just started reaffirming her since I started getting this gut feeling she's holding something back. Her reaction helped confirm my suspicions however. Meh... this is complicated =/


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have come to the point in my life that I have zero time, patience and tolerance for people like this. Fine, don't talk. Go off to your fortress of solitude. You do that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop re-affirming her then.
Stop bringing up the past if she doesn't like it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I have come to the point in my life that I have zero time, patience and tolerance for people like this. Fine, don't talk. Go off to your fortress of solitude. You do that.


Runs, I'm like this to. I don't have time for it. It's immature & selfish. 

Ju don't wanna talk to me? No problem. I have other things to do. LOL


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

So I let it be? Then what?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You have to decide for yourself how you want to handle this. It's clear you are not happy w/ what is happening at the moment.


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