# so afraid...how do I leave?



## emotionalwreck (Feb 6, 2014)

Hello I really appreciate any and all support and advice I can get here.
I have been married for 20+ years. My H has had a drug problem on and off for several years. Rehab, Counseling, Alanon, Church, Separation, you name it, we have done it. I thought he finally cleaned up for good...but here we are again.
When not on drugs, he is a wonderful person with a big heart. 
Through the years of drug use, he has been (what I consider) emotionally abusive. After so much of the mood swings, fights, financial problems, etc...I had enough. If I mention leaving, he goes into a rage and threatens suicide. I think sometimes it is a bluff and sometimes it is not. (attempts have happened) As far as help with that, well, there is none where I live, tried that too.

I find myself saying what he wants to hear just to keep the peace and avoid the threats and fights. If I say something or act a certain way, such as avoiding him, he gets angry and sometimes threatens suicide again. When that happens, I just say what he wants to calm him down. 

As much as I love him and want a happy life with him, I just don't want to live in this anymore. If I leave and something tragic happens to him, I dont know if I could live with myself. 
I dont want to "abandon" him when he has a problem, but at the same time, I think it is time to think of myself.

Sometimes, I think his threats are his way of controlling me and getting his way, which is abuse, right? 
Ok, here is an example. When we fight, he will ask if I want to leave. If I dont answer he may say "give me an answer or I will take all these pills." Obviously I say I want to stay.

How do I handle this, how do I get out? I am so afraid of what will happen. Fear has kept me here and I dont know what to do about it. ANY ADVICE??? please help!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sometimes you think his threats are his way of controlling you? Honey, they're ALWAYS his means of controlling you. He's found your leash, and he's going to use it as long as you let him. 

Seems like you have two choices, neither of them easy or good. Stay and continue to be abused. Or leave and let him do what he wants to do. He is responsible for his own well being, nobody else. But that may be small consolation if he does end up harming himself.

Does he have any family around?

C


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