# Why does wife has to buy something for me?



## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

I don't get it. My wife feels like she (has to)/must buy something for me on my birthday. I already have everything I wanted.

When I told her, I don't want anything. She said she will surprise me. Hell...No. There's nothing that she can buy that I'll like. And it'll waste our money.

Now I have to think of something I want, otherwise, there will be an unwanted present. Should I be happy or sad?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just let her buy you something. What's the big deal? You can always tell her to make sure to get you a gift receipt if you want to return it.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

People show their love in the way they want it shown to them.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

How about a gift card to your favorite store or restaurant? Maybe a dinner out with her treating you? Just a nice b-day card?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

It is really not all about the one getting the gift. It is important to the giver.

Personally I get more enjoyment from giving than I do in receiving.


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## Whattodowiththis (Sep 18, 2011)

My husband...or possible soon to be ex husband was always miserable with celebrating bdays as well. Never wanted anything done for him or boughten for him. I always did try to do something for him nothing super huge, but he would always give me crap for not listening to him. I could never figure out who was actually wrong as I always had good intentions and just wanted him to feel important ( his fam never really did celebrations)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Just let her buy you something. What's the big deal? You can always tell her to make sure to get you a gift receipt if you want to return it.


She'll be even more pissed off if I return her gift.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Really, of all the things that can be wrong in a marriage this sounds like a non-issue to me.

Your wife loves you and wants to do something for you - be happy.


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

What are you complaining about?! LOL Your wife wants to get you something  Oh no!! So ask her for something cheap if you don't want to blow too much money. Say "I've been wanting to get 'such and such movie title' on blue ray, that would be a great thing you could get me so we could watch it together for my birthday" or whatever. Tell her you want a sexy massage  Trust me us ladies know that qualifies as a present! LOL


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Oh lord yes that's irritating. She'll run out and get something I don't want, didn't ask for and can't or won't use. And it's usually something she'll come home and tell me what she spent on it.

Followed up by yet more complaining about money. I've taken to simply not accepting her 'presents' at all and insisting they just go back and to do whatever she likes with the returned money. She's going to complain anyway, I'd just as soon have nothing to do with it.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

scione said:


> I don't get it. My wife feels like she (has to)/must buy something for me on my birthday. I already have everything I wanted.
> 
> When I told her, I don't want anything. She said she will surprise me. Hell...No. There's nothing that she can buy that I'll like. And it'll waste our money.
> 
> Now I have to think of something I want, otherwise, there will be an unwanted present. Should I be happy or sad?


You should be happy that someone wants to put the time and effort trying to think of doing something for you to make happy. Receive the gift in the spirit in which it is given. There is no greater blessing than having somebody in your life who cares about making you happy. Douse that spirit at your own peril. 

If possible, get excited about the present. Or, at the very least, mention how much you like the present when talking to your family/ her family etc. If you fear that she's going to spend too much, guide her to something that you would have bought for yourself anyway (shirt/tie etc.). If money is not the issue, just sit back and let someone do something nice for ya. It's not that difficult. There are far worse problems to have.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Stop being difficult and stingy. Its important to her. My wife and I buy each other little stuff like a favorite candy bar or snack. The message is I was thinking of you. 

Knock off your unattractive nonsense and let her show you she loves you. Imagine if no one cared about you. You are lucky.

Acting like a cheapskate is unattractive and you are ruining her fun.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

scione said:


> She'll be even more pissed off if I return her gift.


That would be a very hateful thing to do. Why are you being so hateful? You totally devalue your wife if you do not value the way she expresses her love for you.

This seems to be a need of hers. I suppose she could express it with someone who would appreciate it more. But that does not seem right to me.

So other than this is your marriage a good one?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> That would be a very hateful thing to do. Why are you being so hateful? You totally devalue your wife if you do not value the way she expresses her love for you.
> 
> This seems to be a need of hers. I suppose she could express it with someone who would appreciate it more. But that does not seem right to me.
> 
> So other than this is your marriage a good one?


Some people are just unwilling to see the good in anything. OP, if she stopped buying you gifts for say a year, you would be here in late 2012 saying my wife doesn't buy me anything nice.
I have no idea why this is such and issue for you but look around, there are plenty of men here who would love to be in your situation. Women too.


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## crazymonkey (Aug 23, 2011)

My husband is the same, he doesn't like anything that I buy for him and generally says he doesn't want anything. But like someone else said here, because I like receiving gifts I like to give him too. The gift I gave him for his last birthday is still sitting there, unopened. Only surprise gift he liked was when I bought him an ipod. But now I am not doing financially well to give him expensive gifts, and I am successful with his gifts only if I take him along to buy his gift.

So best will be to go along with your wife to get your gift and select something you like.


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## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

Its no biggie, just let it make her happy, smile, say thank you and hug her. If its a nick-nack put it somewhere SHE can see it everyday. If its a shirt wear it once in a while...just a little thing imho


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

crazymonkey said:


> My husband is the same, he doesn't like anything that I buy for him and generally says he doesn't want anything. But like someone else said here, because I like receiving gifts I like to give him too. The gift I gave him for his last birthday is still sitting there, unopened. Only surprise gift he liked was when I bought him an ipod. But now I am not doing financially well to give him expensive gifts, and I am successful with his gifts only if I take him along to buy his gift.
> 
> So best will be to go along with your wife to get your gift and select something you like.



crazymonkey, I know you were not asking for input, but that just caught my eye. He didn't even open the present that you gave him. *How rude!* I taught my daughter at a young age that when someone gives you a gift that they took their money and their time to get for you then you open the gift and tell them thank you. Even if you don't like it you tell them thank you. I can't believe how inconsiderate married couples can be with each other sometimes. Okay, I'm off my rant now.


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## crazymonkey (Aug 23, 2011)

SadieBrown said:


> crazymonkey, I know you were not asking for input, but that just caught my eye. He didn't even open the present that you gave him. *How rude!* I taught my daughter at a young age that when someone gives you a gift that they took their money and their time to get for you then you open the gift and tell them thank you. Even if you don't like it you tell them thank you. I can't believe how inconsiderate married couples can be with each other sometimes. Okay, I'm off my rant now.


Oh I am sorry that was my mistake, he is not that rude, it was my language. I meant unused, not unopened. He did open and he did thank me. The way I have pictured him here in all of my threads, he seems like a bad guy, but he is a pretty good guy


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## Susan Page (Oct 2, 2011)

Yes you should happy. I think you're lucky to have her.


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## Nickitta (May 12, 2011)

It's the gesture that matters. Some people don't get *ANYTHING *at all from their partners for birthdays, special occasions... How do you think this makes them feel? Consider yourself lucky that you have a considerate and thoughtful wife.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

scione said:


> I don't get it. My wife feels like she (has to)/must buy something for me on my birthday. I already have everything I wanted.
> 
> When I told her, I don't want anything. She said she will surprise me. Hell...No. There's nothing that she can buy that I'll like. And it'll waste our money.
> 
> Now I have to think of something I want, otherwise, there will be an unwanted present. Should I be happy or sad?


This is a personality thing. I'm like you, I don't want anything for my birthday, or for it to even be made a big deal of. When I was growing up, my parents viewed birthdays and holidays as fun times for kids. They enjoyed getting things to make us kids happy, but I don't recall them ever making anything out of their own birthdays or occasions. 

After i got older, my parents no longer bought us Christmas gifts, they just gave us cash and we could buy what we really wanted, and I loved that. 

I remember when my 40th was getting near. Everyone was saying, "Oh, the big one is coming up, I bet you'll do something big." I couldn't wait for it to pass so everybody could get it out of their system. 

I remember a few years when we would have Christmas with my grandparents and gifts were bought. My grandparents were very practical people, and we always got them practical gifts that we knew they would use and they liked that. My Aunt and Uncle, on the other hand, would get them more flashy gifts which would end up in their attic. Their attic looked like a variety store.

As I got older, I lost the desire for fanfare too. Today, it's to the point that the general public even feels the need to celebrate with you. They announce it at work, etc. And it's tough to act excited about a surprise gift that you have no use for. 

I've learned, however, that no matter how much explaining one does, people who have this in their blood aren't going to change. I think they really don't believe us when we say we don't want any gifts or fanfare. So, I try to just go with the flow and not make an issue out of it. If people get a bang out of giving gifts, then just let them do it and enjoy.


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