# terrible 2s....HELP!



## amberlynn

Im a 20 year old mom..I had my son right after I turned 19..his fits have gotten worse over the past month or so, he turns 2 on october..could this be early signs of the terrible 2s? He throws his toys at me and his daddy if he doesnt get his way, he has a really bad habbit of telling us no..we have tried everything we know to do to break him from this, its driving me crazy...he refuses to put the bottle down, he takes his diaper off and fights us when we try to put another one on. Im at a loss..i dont know what else to do. please HELP!!!

Edit>>> Hes not sleeping through the night either, still wakes up atleast once or twice.. what can i do stop this?


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## justean

i had the terrible 2's on the first and terrible 4's on the second. i thought i got away with it, but it did creep up. 
these are frustrating and tiring times. but you have to insist on being firm. bed time is bed time, you wont tolerate bad behaviour and non conformance results in the naughty step. 
i think its a minute for every yr the child is. 
i think if you dont make a start now and let these things go, they do result in a different child in the long run. 
everything i have said to you, i did with my own children and trust me , when i compare my children to others, ive got angels. ok so im biased. but they care and they got manners and communicate their problems. mine are now 12 and 9.
children wil say no. they are testing you. but the more you allow them to win, they wil take control of you and not the other way around. you have to remember you and your H are stil a couple in a family unit now. so you and your H stil have to have your time. 
as long as the child isnt crying , leaving him in bed. dont go to him, listen at the door.


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## amberlynn

we're in a one bedroom house, so his crib is in our room..he crys when he wakes up, beggin for a bottle, and i cant stand to hear him cry, none the less let him cry while i try to sleep.. ive tried giving him a sippy at night, but it doesnt hold enough to get him back to sleep. when we spank him, or pop his hand for doing something he isnt suppose to do, he gets this evil look on his face and he'll draw back like hes gonna pop us or like hes gonna throw somethin at us, it drains me everyday, if he doesnt get what he wants, he runs and throws himself in the floor, and the word "no" isnt in his vocabulary, telling him no, just makes him throw a more worse fit then anything.


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## Sufficiently Breathless

welcome to parenting lol ...basically what is happening is he is testing his bounderies with you.. see what he can get away with.. all kids do it!!
What I do when my son throws his fits (and yes he still does at 4) is I ignore it.. if he isn't physically hurt..Just walk past him.. dont even look at him!
Oh, and time out works, if you make him sit in time out! My son is now 4 so every time he gets a time out he has to sit there for 4 minutes. If he gets up before his 4 minutes.. I take him, sit him back in time out, and tell him "4 minutes again".. it starts all over. 
Keep in mind if you haven't done this before it takes some time for them to get used to the punishment, and some patience and a firm stance on your end!! HE WILL TEST YOU!! 
As far as him still waking up at night begging for a bottle.. fill a bottle with water and leave it in his crib. If he wakes up he will find it. Try to cut out the formula or milk in the middle of the night (not good for the teeth). Once he gets used to not having milk in the middle of the night.. he will eat more during the day, and will wake up less and less often.


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## amberlynn

Thanks Breathless!

we've tried the time out thing, he laughs at us...we'll sit him on his bean bag, or in his chair in the corner for 5mins, or util he stops crying..but he just stops crying and laughs at us..

as for the bottle...he cant drink milk, hes been off the formula since he was 12 months old.. we've been puttin juice in it, or sweet tea.. (i know its bad..) but i think im gonna try flavored water instead, and as far as eatting during the day..he east ALL the time.. he doesnt turn nothing down..hes a solid little man.. lol


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## Sufficiently Breathless

lol sounds like my son.. he never found a food he didn't like!! 

Most of the time when a toddler is still waking up at night it is just a comfort thing that they will outgrow. Just whatever you do DO NOT let him snuggle in bed with you.. I learned that lesson! Took forever to get him OUT of my bed lol


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## amberlynn

haha ive been there...i broke my ankle on new years eve last year, so it left my husband to get up with him at night, and he ended up in the bed.. it took me 2 months to break that habit. it was rough.. lol i said never again..


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## martino

I suggest you start watching Super Nanny, buy her books (used) and google: Behaviorism parenting or something of that nature. You need to learn to use: "extinction" and "positive reinforcement." Take an assesment of all your child's favorite items and things to do and make them "contingent" on good behavior. 

Tell him something once, after that you don't argue, no verbal just follow through, follow through, follow through. Kids need real consequence to bad behavior. Time out doesn't work because often the child too wants a time out.


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## LaBella

I do not know your financial situation, but can you get an apartment with 2 bedrooms? Having his own room might help you with the nights, right now he hcan see you guys and knows that if he bugs enough you will pay attention to him, in his own room he can cry until he break the habit, it will tak about 2 to 3 days.

Another option is, if you can not really afford to move, is to go and buy a divider and put it between your bed and his crib, that way he cannot see you. But really, 2 or 3 days of ignoring him at nights, even if you do not sleep well, it will break that habit, try to sacrifice a Friday and Saturday night, catch up you sleep during the day and this habit will be broken.

As for time outs just keep at them, take away the toys when he trows them at you and explained to him that if he is not going to play with them then he does not need them

Good Luck


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## Sprite

You have to remember that to him, the bottle at night is comfort, and a habit. Just like anyone trying to break a habit, you get edgy. With that in mind, keep at it.....it will take time, but it will happen. I have found tho, that by forcing an issue too much will backfire on you. Be firm, but do not be unreasonable. Remember, he does not know what we think he should already know, he needs to be taught proper behavior which will not happen over night.

I firmly believe that hitting a child for any reason only instills more negative behavior. They see that when they are bad, they get slapped, so when they think you are bad, they will slap back. It only shows that they can make you lose your temper enough to lash out, so they will do the same...they learn by example. 

The terrible 2's are very trying times, and you will have your patience tested like never before, but it can also be such a fun time because they learn so much and are so curious at that age. Let him be curious, but don't let him take advantage of you. 

Are you giving him too much sugar? Try the flavored water like you said, but dont give in to him wanting the sweet stuff if he won't drink it right way...if he gets thirsty enough, he will drink the less sugary stuff. Remember it takes 21 days to make or break a habit...same goes for little ones. Just hang in there...you can do this!

Oh, I also agree with the time outs, but they have to be so that there are no distractions. No tv, no toys in the area, just him on a stool or whatever for 2 minutes. If he can't do it for 2 minutes...try 1...that is a very long time to the little guy. You have to be firm when they are young or you will have nothing but BIG problems when they are older. I hope you are working on the please and thank yous with him too.....so many parents now a days forget to teach that...its annoying!! (not saying you do, just in general)


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## marina72

Amberlynn , also, when doing the time outs.. if your son won't stay on the stool, or chair, as most 2 year olds will not.... I would try not leaving him completely. Stand where you can see him, and he can see you... and let him know, "this is a time out, your behavior is unacceptable, and if you get up, we'll have to start all over again" 

something more tuned for a toddler of course, use language they can comprehend. But, don't leave him alone to have a time out. 

When I give my son a time out, he will often try to get up and come get me, or hubby. So, I stand in the doorway to his room, while he sits in his chair, for 2 minutes... he stays there, as long as he knows I'm watching. After his time out is over, he is told again, why what he did was wrong, and what behavior is needed for him to be able to come back and join the family.

It works pretty well. I do spank, but only occassionally, and not as a first resort. That one is up to you. 

My son doesn't sleep with us, he's in his own room, but when he gets up in the middle of the night, I try not to go in, unless he persists, and if I do, he gets a clean diaper if needed, and then I rock him with some music for a couple minutes, and then it's back in bed... 

A good routine, that you don't deviate from, every single night, is a good way to get them into the groove, and eventually he'll stop getting up. 

ours is as follows. At bedtime every night, we make sure there's no TV , it's quiet time. We read a couple of books... then we go brush teeth, go pee pee in the potty, and then we do diaper. 

Then I sit in his chair in his bedroom, and rock him with his seahorse that plays music, and we have a few minutes to cuddle that way... then he gets put down, and I leave.... every night, same same same... it helps. Make sure when it gets close to bedtime, that all is quiet, and that you're reading to him, or saying prayers, or whatever it is you like to do.

You just have to hold tight, and not give in to him. You're the boss. Period. He will eventually get that there is no negotiating with you... and he'll start to come around. 

also, the sweet tea in a bottle in the middle of the night, is probably not helping... it has tons of sugar in it, and tons of Caffeine... it's probably one of the major causes of him not sleeping. Caffeine in general shouldn't be given to babies and toddlers.. it can really mess with their sleep schedule in a big way.

So, if he can't handle milk... I'd try a tiny bit of juicy juice, it's 100% juice with no extra sugar added, and always mix that with water.. about 50/50....

over the course of about 1 month or so... I'd gradually lessen the amount, so that at bedtime, he's only getting a sip or two. The other thing that might be waking him up, is that he's having too much liquid right before bed, and is peeing in his diaper, as a result it's waking him up, but once he's awake, he wants more liquids to sooth himself back to sleep.... it can be a horrible cycle, and I'm sure you're worn out.

Try no liquids for about 2 hours before bed, and then right at bedtime, try the juice as mentioned above, but only in very small amounts. See if that doesn't help his waking up in the middle of the night. I feel for ya! Just keep on being the parent. Don't negotiate with him, don't let him have the say so... he's the child, you're the parent. The tantrums that will ensue if he doesn't get his way, might be hard to handle, but, he'll be even harder to handle when he's a teen , if you don't let him know now, that you're in control of your household. 

Keep us posted!


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## amberlynn

Thanks for the advice

Ive got him says please and thank you, he gives kisses and says i love you from time to time.

We're in the process of trying to break him from biten us, or other family members. Just a few weeks ago he started telling me he had to go stinky..so, i went out and bought pull ups..the only problem there is he wont use the "big boy potty", but as soon as a pull up or diaper is put on him, he'll fill it up. Its frustrating at times..my husband cant stomach the diaper changes, so its all me, and once the diaper is off he wants to run around naked. 

I went out and bought some sugar free to go cool packs, im gonna try it tonight in his bottle and see if it helps. He normally gets tired around 10, maybe I will get some sleep tonight.


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## marina72

you will get through this... just hold tight. ;-) It's a hard hard age.... hard for you and for the child also, as they are just now learning how to communicate what they want, and they get frustrated very easily, because they can't say what they can easily think... 

My son also used to bite, he just turned two and has stopped it now. When he used to bite, I would just tell him firmly that it's a no no, and I found that the majority of the time, he was biting because he was teething like crazy.. so I'd give him a cold chew toy, and he'd go to town... he doesn't bite anymore, but if he were to try, it would be a smack on the booty... 

you're doing what you can. the potty thing... he's getting there, it sounds like he's not quite ready yet... if he's only 23 months... there's no rush. My son just began using the potty earlier this month, and he still goes in his diaper, it's about 50/50 sometimes he'll go in the potty, sometimes his diaper, and he's definitely not nighttime potty trained yet.

The key to potty training is , not to ever force them. The will result in him digging in his heels and firmly saying, nope, not gonna do it...

So, try coaxing him, not with treats but with praise. When he says that he needs to go stinky... then, say, "that's a Good good boy, for telling mommy that you have to go potty. If you want to, you can go potty in the big boy potty!"

Just let him do it when he's ready. Some kids are still not totally potty trained by 3 years, and this is normal. Every child is different, and often times, boys are ready later than girls. My daugther was so well potty trained by the time she turned two, that I could take her out and about town, in big girl panties... whereas, my son, is two, and is just now getting interested in the potty.

Keep on truckin! This will pass, and you'll look back and smile at all the trials and tribulations ;-)


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## Sufficiently Breathless

Potty training is tough.. and boys are a little harder than girls.

Here is what I did for both of my kids to get them trained, and it worked both times extremely well.

I informed my kids when they used the potty with no accidents for 7 days we would have a "poopy party", cake presents the whole nine yards. 

Then every time they went potty we would cheer and applaud and say "big boy" praise him BIG TIME, and tell him.. "only a few more days and you get your poopy party" .. it worked like a charm. He got his poopy party, and he even stayed dry during the night!!


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## LaBella

With my oldest daughter I had not problem potty training, she was interested in wearing big girls panties (she was about 2), I told her you need to go potty, I let her wear panties one day, she wet them 3 times and learn very fast how to go potty, she still just diapers at night for about 3 months after that, (There were no pull ups 14 years ago).

With my youngest, her babysitter was training them (there were 3 girsl about the same age), one night she woke up with a dry diaper, I sat her down on the potty and she peed that the little potty was full, we (mom, dad and big sis) made a big deal of it, praised her so much and told her what a big girl she was, she refused to wear a diaper to the babysitter that morning, told her she was a big girl and did not need diaper. The other 2 saw that and followed. She also wore pull ups at night for about 3 months, for just in case.

Just keep at it and do not push, hang in there.


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## Sprite

Be careful of the sugar free drinks as they usually contain a "fake" form of sugar which is worse for him than actual sugar. Could cause other problems.


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## snix11

Juicy Juice! They love it and no extra sugar or bad neuro-toxins. 

Your store may have a type of it, and WIC usually covers it too. 

Ah the 2's.. I love that age, they are learning something new every day  

After my first two, I backed off on any pushing for potty training. My first trained after age three - with parties, stickers, mnm's when she went, threats you name it. 

My next one I didn't want to go thru all that he and trained by himself at 2.5..

Number's 3 and 4 I didn't push them at all. They both came to me and said they were ready. One at age 3, and the other right at 2. No parties, no talks, no anything but "wow, what a big kid you are." 

What I did learn, after going thru this four times, is WAIT till they are ready. Don't make a big deal out of it. I had MUCH fewer accidents with the ones that came to me and said they were ready than when I made the decision. Even the last one, when he came to me i was like "oh, I don't know. why don't we wait a while till you are really ready. I don't want to have to worry about accidents." "NO. I want big boy pants!!" "well, maybe next month"
"I want to go potty!" "well, ok. just this once, but then the diaper goes back on" I tell you what, that kid never once had an accident and that's all I did. Each kid is different, but I do know it's not worth my frustration to decide when they are ready to potty train!

The way I figure it, why push? I have yet to see any kids graduate High School in diapers


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## swedish

Kids sure are all different when it comes to potty training. My first asked for underwear when he turned two and never had an accident (even at night!)...so I thought, what's this training thing they talk about? Then I had 2 more 

My second I had to bribe with 'they don't make diapers for 4 year olds so on your birthday you will have to wear 3 year old baby diapers'...

He was my challenge in life at the time...terrible 2's, 3's, 4's...I think he was nearly 10 before he started to calm down...major meltdowns almost daily...I found 1 book helpful...1-2-3 magic...he would not sit in timeout, even if I stood there, so timeout was putting him in the chair repeatedly for several minutes  1-2-3 magic is based on repetition...the first offense say 'That's 1' in a firm voice...2nd time 'That's 2!' and 3rd time, 'That's 3'...then timeout...over time, they understand what it means and he started to back off after 'That's 1'.

Now he is 15 and the sweetest kid


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