# Is it time to call it quits????



## AFW8 (Oct 24, 2010)

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Ok so I havent posted on here in along time. Quick to the point. My husband is military and he went on a TDY to another state. When he came back he acted funny, no kissing right away, or sex. A few days later he said there was another TDY at the same place and he really wanted to go and make extra money. He told me him and another guy where gonna rent a car and drive. Last minute the other guy couldn't go. So my husband ended up driving himself. There was a week and a half almost two inbetween these TDYS. He didn't really talk to me while he was gone, and it was only for a week. He said he was working long hours. He came back lastnight and was crying. He cheated on me and lied to me about everything. There was never a 2nd TDY to begin with. He took leave to go spend a week with her and 2yr old. I am so heartbroken, I can barely breathe. He said he loves me so much and he's so sorry, but he cant stop thinking about her. He wants her and me...both of us. He told her he loved her and bought her jewelry, perfume, ect..... 
I don't know what to do. Anyone please help me


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Judging by your other thread, I think it's time for you to take care of you. He's had plenty of cake. It's time for you to take control and cut him off. The sh-t he did is horrible.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, I'd be packing his stuff up and depositing it on the front lawn.


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## AFW8 (Oct 24, 2010)

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Here is an update, now that I am posting on the correct area.
SO I packed my stuff this past sat May 12th. He begged me to stay. Crying, and begging me. He said he would go to marraige counsling if thats what it takes. I said don't answer her texts or her calls. Monday May 13th we went and I felt pretty good about it. That evening she sent him a picture of a positive pregnancy test. Of course being the smart person I am. I found the exact 100% same picture on Google image. My husand was happy I had found that and he even said now he knows she is crazy and we can have a new beginning. He said he didn't want to change his phone number again because it was easy for him to remember. I said fine. We both agreed that when she texted him or called, he would just ignore her and hopefully she will get the hint and just go away. The counsler advised us to ignore her. So that was the final decision. NO REPLYS. Tuesday May 14th I asked him in the morning if she's contacted him...NO SHE HASN'T. I asked him during lunch.. NO SHE HASN'T. I asked him again when I got home from work... No SHE HASN'T. I had a gut feeling. so later that eveing I looked through his phone and he had lied AGAIN. She had been texting him since 7:30 am and he had replyed again and again. I just don't get it. Am I just fooling my self... or should i just go get a damn divorce


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I repeat:



Hope1964 said:


> Yeah, I'd be packing his stuff up and depositing it on the front lawn.


Seriously. Kick him out. You're giving him permission to just keep doing what he's doing by not acting. Words mean NOTHING, especially from him. It's actions that count.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Its kind of hard for me to tell you what to do as Ive been in a hell of a mess myself for years now BUT as long as you keep letting him call the shots (not changing his number, etc) he is going to keep walking all over you. You need to make the rules and if he cant follow them then he needs to get out and you need to move on to something better. I havent read your other thread/s so Im basing this off of this post alone!


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

AFW8 said:


> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Here is an update, now that I am posting on the correct area.
> SO I packed my stuff this past sat May 12th. He begged me to stay. Crying, and begging me. He said he would go to marraige counsling if thats what it takes. I said don't answer her texts or her calls. Monday May 13th we went and I felt pretty good about it. That evening she sent him a picture of a positive pregnancy test. Of course being the smart person I am. I found the exact 100% same picture on Google image. My husand was happy I had found that and he even said now he knows she is crazy and we can have a new beginning. He said he didn't want to change his phone number again because it was easy for him to remember. I said fine. We both agreed that when she texted him or called, he would just ignore her and hopefully she will get the hint and just go away. The counsler advised us to ignore her. So that was the final decision. NO REPLYS. Tuesday May 14th I asked him in the morning if she's contacted him...NO SHE HASN'T. I asked him during lunch.. NO SHE HASN'T. I asked him again when I got home from work... No SHE HASN'T. I had a gut feeling. so later that eveing I looked through his phone and he had lied AGAIN. She had been texting him since 7:30 am and he had replyed again and again. I just don't get it. *Am I just fool*ing my self... or should i just go get a damn divorce



Yes


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## AFW8 (Oct 24, 2010)

Thanks KanDo. I just called legal offices on base.... my heart is so raw. And I'm sorry for your story as well


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I would think if he didn't bow to your every demand, you should divorce him. Not changing numbers because it's easy to remember? Yeah, no. That's not a good excuse. It's so he can have cake.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

AFW8 said:


> Thanks KanDo. I just called legal offices on base.... my heart is so raw. And I'm sorry for your story as well


Keep posting here as you can. You need a support base that's unbiased and will certainly help you out. There is the Divorce section, too.

Sorry you're going through this. It really sucks bad.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I wish it wasn't so. Please look after yourself.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

AFW8 said:


> He said he didn't want to change his phone number again because it was easy for him to remember.


 He lies to you and sneaks off to be with his affair partner (AF) for a whole week, and yet he feels so little remorse that he does not want to change his phone number because the current one was "easy for him to remember"? Are you kidding me? Real reconciliation would require him to be willing to do the heavy lifting, yet this right hear shows that he is not willing to do even the light lifting.

He told you to your face that he was a cake eater that wanted to have both you and his AP. The fact that he is still in contact with her should not be a surprise to you. All cheaters lie. He is a proven cheater. He is a thus a liar, so stop believe what he says and start judging him by his actions.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

AFW8 said:


> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Here is an update, now that I am posting on the correct area.
> SO I packed my stuff this past sat May 12th. He begged me to stay. Crying, and begging me. He said he would go to marraige counsling if thats what it takes. I said don't answer her texts or her calls. Monday May 13th we went and I felt pretty good about it. That evening she sent him a picture of a positive pregnancy test. Of course being the smart person I am. I found the exact 100% same picture on Google image. My husand was happy I had found that and he even said now he knows she is crazy and we can have a new beginning. He said he didn't want to change his phone number again because it was easy for him to remember. I said fine. We both agreed that when she texted him or called, he would just ignore her and hopefully she will get the hint and just go away. The counsler advised us to ignore her. So that was the final decision. NO REPLYS. Tuesday May 14th I asked him in the morning if she's contacted him...NO SHE HASN'T. I asked him during lunch.. NO SHE HASN'T. I asked him again when I got home from work... No SHE HASN'T. I had a gut feeling. so later that eveing I looked through his phone and he had lied AGAIN. She had been texting him since 7:30 am and he had replyed again and again. I just don't get it. Am I just fooling my self... or should i just go get a damn divorce


YES to both...you ARE just fooling yourself, and YES get the damn divorce.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

AFW so sorry you are here and hurting no one should have to hold themselves in a good world we would always have someone else to hold us and comfort us. That person was supposed to be your husband. He betrayed you, your family, you love, his vows and your trust. He will never change you deserve to have someone who is your partner who holds you when the world kicks you not is the one doing the kicking. Leave him and do it not because he has cheated on you do it because you deserve better than him. Honestly, fidelity, trust, love and comfort all these things you deserve to have and he has not only not provided he has taken it one step further and done the opposite of it. What he feels is not love you do not hurt those you love over and over again. You are worth more than him. And please remember you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed for you did what was right he is the one that failed.


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

Definately take care of yourself. You didn't deserve this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

If he was sincere in wanting to work things out, he would not have been texting her and saying that he wasn't.

His actions speak volumes - listen to those and NOT the words he's saying. When he talks, picture a mute button and push it. 

Meanwhile, have him leave the house and give you some time and space to plan what you will do.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

I'm very sorry to hear this happened to you. Unfortunately you're at the beginning of a long and painful road, and his repeated lies are only going to make it worse. It's pretty clear now that you can't trust him - not right now, and certainly not when it comes to her. He may say some things that you'll want to believe, but now you can only trust things that you can verify. He has proven this.

You're only in for more heartache if you let him string you along; so reclaim your self-respect, take the high ground, and bring the fight to him. Contacting the legal department was a good start. If he wants her so badly, move to file for divorce - make him really choose since he wants both of you. If he chooses her, my guess is the charm would wear off before very long, and he'd soon realize what he lost due to his selfish behavior. In the meantime, you could be finding a guy who doesn't go against his vows and code of honor.

Just as likely, when forced to make an actual choice, he may want to try to fix things with you. You've then got to hold him to a real and true reconciliation, with him putting in _at least_ an equal share in fixing any problems you've been having as a couple plus doing whatever he can to make amends for what he's done. You've got to take back control, as he will walk all over you if you let him: He will find a way to keep seeing her as long as he is under this spell, and all he needs is the slightest bit of wiggle room - you tolerating his BS or trusting him blindly - to continue this affair or begin a new one.

I know a family, the husband was an officer in the Army with a wife and 14 year old son, but they were recently broken up by an affair the husband had on deployment in Korea with another female officer. He's now divorced, and I think he's facing a discharge from the Army as well. I know she tried for their son, but she's not the type of woman to take any crap, and neither should you. Total transparency, total remorse, and he does whatever it takes to *EARN* your love and trust again - or else you can and will find someone better. It won't be as hard as you might think, especially with your husband setting such a low bar.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Don't be shocked to discover that the "positive" photo was his very own idea - an attempt tomanipulate you into accepting the OW into your marriage. 

File immediately.


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## RobertPaulson (May 17, 2013)

Fun fact, adultery is a crime under the UCMJ. Article 134
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Watch his actions, not his words. I take it he is in the US Air Force. Do not even waste your time on the UCMJ thing. None of the services care about adultery unless it serves their need. File for Divorce and find someone to love when you are healed. Sorry that you are prt of this club. David


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

DavidWYoung said:


> Do not even waste your time on the UCMJ thing. None of the services care about adultery unless it serves their need.


Not necessarily true. I can only speak for the Marine Corps, but if the service member is flaunting it so openly and with lack of care for his family, they take this very seriously. He would not only be charged with Adultery (if proof was presented) but also be charged with conduct unbecoming, and possibly neglect and dereliction of duty. The Corps views such things as such a black eye that they will make sure and being it to justice. The results of the punishment in the end may be minor, but that will depend on the grievousness of the offense, time frame conducted, and the honor and record (also the future possibilities) of the service member. Definitely something to pursue. Also after base legal, talk to the base Chaplin as it is amazing the power they have and the strings they can pull.


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