# confused



## new1 (Apr 21, 2011)

Hi I am new here, I have been married for about 8 years with a 8 year old girl. My husband is a really wonderful man, cares a lot for me and our daughter. my sex life has been so empty since i got married. I have never got that feeling of fullness, always felt empty. I am not talking about orgasms, because you can have an orgasm without a partner. I have talked to him about it and he does his best to please me. I am depressed 2 weeks out of the month, and I fight with everbody because I feel so frustrated I cannot be 100% happy. I am 34 and I do not want to end up my life feeling like this. I dream about having a husband that will fullfill me in all aspects of my life. I am not attracted to my husband, we never kiss NEVER, I had an affair with an exboyfriend for about 2 years my husband does not know and he will not know and during that time, I felt so horrible the worst person in this life, I ended it because he did not want to commit and i was not ready to leave my husband. I talked to my husband and I told him that I need time for myself and I want to move out to see what I want in this life. I am afraid that if take this step I will regret it, but think that I do not love my husband, that I care deeply for him but it is not love. I just want to be happy. With my exboyfriend the sex (we rarely had sex because I felt so guilty)was fullfilling. I liked a lot. Please don't judge me I am just desperate and confused to take the separation step and lost a good husband like mine. but if I don't take the step I will be miserable, Because I have been feeling like this for about 4 years since I began with the afair. MY husband is good looking with a big heart and I know he adores me, he always looking for ways to please me and our daughter. My daughter loves him, and it will be so hard to tell her that we are going to separate. I do not know what to do. Please any comments are really appreciated. I do not need him financially I can support myself and our daughter.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

It would be very much worth the time, effort, money, and possible embarrassment to consult a sex therapist if you have never had a satistyfing sexual relationship with your husband. If it was good and then grew less satisfying, you might need to get some marriage counseling. Either way, don't try to make a decision right now--you need to forgive yourself, and make a decision out of what is right for all of you, not a decision made basically to punish yourself. Good luck!


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## new1 (Apr 21, 2011)

sisters359 said:


> It would be very much worth the time, effort, money, and possible embarrassment to consult a sex therapist if you have never had a satistyfing sexual relationship with your husband. If it was good and then grew less satisfying, you might need to get some marriage counseling. Either way, don't try to make a decision right now--you need to forgive yourself, and make a decision out of what is right for all of you, not a decision made basically to punish yourself. Good luck!


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## new1 (Apr 21, 2011)

Thank you for your reply, I thought about therapy, but I am blocked I cannot kiss him there is not chemistry I have been seen a counselor because of all this, when I am with my husband I feel like a robot without any feelings inside my heart only the thinking when this will be over, we have been sleeping inseparate rooms for years and im okay with it, lately I cannot stand his smell, I try to fight for every little thing but he stops so we dont fight, he is good person but I have not desire to be sexually with him, I think about sex all day or I like every man I see, I have never sleep with anybody else than my husband or my exboyfriend, I do not know how to do it I am old school,
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