# What Now?



## bdhawk30 (Aug 22, 2008)

Well, I need help. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

My wife of just over 3 years has taken our two sons and moved to another state where she can live with her mother and pursue her educational goals. 

She has left me after dealing with, for many years, my sexual addiction to pornography and all the lies and deception that go along with such things. For many years, I have promised that I would change and that I would pursue the necessary steps to get the help that I needed. Well, I did pursue change, but only in half-hearted ways. Shame, guilt and fear are very prominent within me, and it is those feelings which stopped me from pursuing a full recovery. I have no self esteem and I am extremely insecure about myself. I have a great fear of rejection, people getting angry at me and other things. 

We recently relocated, and during that time I was required to come out here and work while she remained there and sold the house. During that time, I became involved with a female whom I work with. There was NO physical contact, but we had an illicit text messaging afair, if you will, which spanned over a period of 3-4 days only. I ended it. My wife discovered news of the affair the usual way, finding items (writings) that I carelessly left out and about. Almost fromt he instant the incident ended I have been destroyed by it. I currently see two counselors. But as I stated earlier, my wife has seperated from me. I do not want this marriage to end. I cannot stand the thought of this family being destroyed. What do I do? I have cried and begged to no end, but she still has left. I don't know what the future holds, but it does not look good. I truly regret what I have done and my failure to address my problems. What now?


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

First no matter if you ever have a chance with her or anyone else you need to clean yourself up in everyway.

Do you blame her for leaving? How many times did she give you another chance just for you to treat it like you could still have your cake and eat it too. She might love you still, but can you expect her to trust you. If she came back do you think she could trust you?

Tough I know but maybe this, what ever the end will wake you up.

draconis


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

bdhawk30 said:


> What now?


She has already left so the only thing you can do now is to work on kicking this once and for all. Stay with the counseling and do what it takes to start feeling better about yourself.

Your wife has been hurt and can no longer rely on your word. Whether you are able to convince her to give the marriage another chance doesn't change what you should be doing now, for yourself. Whatever ends up happening, you will need to gain the confidence and strength to break free from the addiction or it will continue to control you and your life.


----------

