# Is TAM like watching a NASCAR race?



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Had this thought that reading some of the horror stories on here is like watching NASCAR and waiting for a crash mainly the CWI section.

Don't get me wrong for the most part everyone on here has always been very supportive and tried to help with their honest opinion and experiences, so I don't mean people only come here for the blood I think the majority are here because they are going through the same stuff. Strength in numbers and I do think helping someone who is going through what you are helps heal you as well.

But I do find myself reading some of the stories and the most shocking ones are usually the most interesting, I will read every thread for the gory details.

I am definitely sympathetic to what everyone is going through(my own story sucks), the amount of people that suffer through infidelity makes you wonder when you go to the store or in a crowd just how much pain someone else is hiding behind that smile.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Misery loves company.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I know I posted about this earlier, but I recently joined (and left!) a new company. Within 12 months I found - from just 8 colleagues:

- a single man who seemed to pride himself on "getting with" married women

- my closest colleague was having an affair with a man who lives 200 miles away. It might still be going on. Her husband found out about 3 months ago and did *everything* wrong.

- another colleague, a married woman, absolutely willing to have an affair with me; I mentioned in another post about her putting her arms around me at the Christmas do while I stood there, arms outstretched saying "Colleague, you are married - please leave me be".

- a colleague who met his partner a couple of years ago when she was still married. He says that he was sure her and her husband had separated, but there seems to be an odds on chance that they weren't.

- Then there's me. When I joined it was about 2 weeks before my divorce as a result of a 2 1/2 year affair my ex had.

From 8 people, that's not bad going is it? I know I was/am hyper sensitive to the issues so would not have found out about my closest colleague as I guessed from the red flags then, when her husband found out, she told me about it all.

It makes me wonder just how common cheating really is.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)




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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

*Re: Re: Is TAM like watching a NASCAR race?*



russell28 said:


> Misery loves company.


.....very true. I think the misery associated with infidelity is unlike any other. So ....people seek out a spot where their pain is understood, and hopefully they can get a touch of comfort ...and take advantage of the 'strength in numbers' theory.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I've been here for a year and a half. I read others stories. I comment where I think I might have insight. I post my story so I can read and evaluate insights that others have based on my story. We are each so emotionally invested in our own stories that we don't always see things clearly. 

Not every poster agrees. I don't agree with every poster. I'm sure there are a few that are only here to see the carnage of a relationship in flames. But in my experience most are earnest in wanting the best for the poster. That best can come at the business end of a 2x4, but sometimes thats what is required.


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## Joka (May 15, 2014)

love=pain said:


> Had this thought that reading some of the horror stories on here is like watching NASCAR and waiting for a crash mainly the CWI section.
> 
> Don't get me wrong for the most part everyone on here has always been very supportive and tried to help with their honest opinion and experiences, so I don't mean people only come here for the blood I think the majority are here because they are going through the same stuff. Strength in numbers and I do think helping someone who is going through what you are helps heal you as well.
> 
> ...


I have been here for a while and have become conditioned to my own horror story. I understand what you mean about interesting stories even though I know there are broken lives behind them.

Also, it is true that you do not know what baggage people are carrying as you pass by.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Joka said:


> Also, it is true that you do not know what baggage people are carrying as you pass by.


If you came to my farm and talked horse with me you would never guess for a second what I have been through in my life.

But then again, neither do I want you to know either, thats the reason I find my anonymity on here so great, it means that nobody knows who I am but they are free to "know the gory details" of what happened to me and how infidelty almost caused me to end my own life.

One failed marriage and one I feel I keep patching with a bandaid


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> I know I posted about this earlier, but I recently joined (and left!) a new company. Within 12 months I found - from just 8 colleagues:
> 
> - a single man who seemed to pride himself on "getting with" married women
> 
> ...


I suspect that your mini survey has the percentage about right. But that also means that there is a fair fraction who do NOT have affairs.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

and here I thought you meant boring and predictable. there's only about 7 stories in the world having to do with good and bad relationships.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

I keep trying to find success stories.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Whoa! A left turn...

Whoaaaaah......another left turn.....

I my gosh! Another left turn..... 

Hey! I think there's a pattern here! Whoooooooaaaaaaahhhh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

I'm in serious need of a pit stop.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Interesting analogy 

Watching those crash images is revealing 

Everyone trying to keep on the straight and narrow, then somebody tries to get a short way through, an advantage, hopefully by legitmate means. Then suddenly one of them thinks "fk that I'm through that gap even if it results in killing everyone else" and then...... 


........bang

cardultery !


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> I know I posted about this earlier, but I recently joined (and left!) a new company. Within 12 months I found - from just 8 colleagues:
> 
> - a single man who seemed to pride himself on "getting with" married women
> 
> ...


Chris - given what you went through, has this 'triggered' you at all?

Do these colleagues know what happened wiht you and your ex-wife's affair?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Chris,

Obviously cheating is very common. I went through the stats for men unwittingly raising OM's child. The figures were all conjecture by researchers of genetically related disorders. They were not interested infidelity, which became an issue because it had to be figured in to correct the data.

The most conservative estimate is that 3% of children have another father. Between 5% and 10% also counted as conservative, but it could be 15%.

It was important to note that as socioeconomic class rose, infidelity fell. The well educated and well to do may be more discerning of character. Those at at the bottom of society were the least faithful. The astounding figure of 30% children had false paternity. But this makes sense as a strategy, too. Out of a multitude of boyfriends and AP some would contribute to the children economically and socially.

All the country music songs about cheating and broken hearts have a market for good reason.


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## johny1989 (May 21, 2014)

Wow cool man.. I love it.. but I have never watched it live.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

When I first came here, CWI was very important to me, it got me through a tough time. Now I come back sporadically and have actually been spending more time in other sections of the site or not visiting the site at all which has been great. 

It's a great place to come for support and information or to help other people but it can bring you down too. I'm not even talking about triggers for myself. I see people write about feeling triggered from other people's posts and have never experienced it myself. There's just so much heartache and pain... have to get away from it sometimes and do other things.



LongWalk said:


> It was important to note that as socioeconomic class rose, infidelity fell. The well educated and well to do may be more discerning of character.


Very interesting. I would have thought it the other way around. 



LongWalk said:


> All the country music songs about cheating and broken hearts have a market for good reason.


And RnB and old soul... I listen to a lot of oldies/motown and soul. "Me and Mrs. Jones" and If Loving You is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right" used to be two of my all-time favourite songs... Used to.


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