# go ahead with filing for divorce?



## hopeful101 (Nov 6, 2013)

I just asked my husband to leave the house due to an EA. He even now still says it is not an affair, they are only friends, but because of this thinks I'm overreacting. He's only been not living at the house for about 3 weeks now, but no real change so far. Communication has slowed, but not stopped. My line in the sand is she is out of our lives or I leave the marriage. So far, he's not stopped all contact with her and they work together so unless one of them leaves the company they won't ever end all contact. 

My friends are telling me it's time to go forward with filing, but in my head it's only been 3 weeks - I'm thinking of the time of actual separation. Problems have been here since right before Thanksgiving, and a friend today said no, you've been asking him to stop contact with this woman for 3 months, it's time to act. Actually filing for divorce is just so final, I'm scared to move forward with it. I also still love him and do not actually want to divorce. Then again, if I look at it realistically it seems like I am fighting a losing battle. He refuses MC and won't agree to stop calling/texting her. 

We talk and lately the discussions are less hostile. I do see some changes in him for the positive. He's been doing individual counseling. Do I give a dealine? If you file, is there a chance to take it back? A few mutual friends don't think he sees me as serious and feel he needs to be served to get it. I thought asking him to move out would get it through to him, but maybe not.


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Hopeful, my first piece of advice would be to move this to the 'Coping with Infidelity' section. There are a lot of folks there that have been where you are and can offer great advice.

As to the rest of your note I don't know where to begin. 
- Was it 'just' an EA? My gut is that a man with a place of his own and a willing woman probably has or likely will move this physical.
- Him moving out? Easy way to continue an EA/PA
- Your line in the sand has been obliterated
- File? With the above points it seems like it may be a last ditch effort to wake him up.

If he does respond positively or negatively to being served you have a long road ahead. In either case I believe the CWI folks can assist.

~ Passio


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yes absolutely you can (and should at this point!) file for divorce and then cancel it later.

I'll give you my own example. I did NOT want a divorce, but I needed to file in order to get a temporary custody order, so I filed. Filing resulted in a court date about two months later. Since I again did NOT want the divorce (but needed to maintain the temporary order and the allusion that I was willing to divorce) I filed, or had my lawyer file anyway, a request for a continuance which delayed the court date by another two and a half months. Two and a half months later, she had not done some of the things that the judge had demanded during the prior continuance hearing so we got yet another continuance. By the time the next one rolled around, about six months had passed and by that time we had decided mutually that we didn't want to continue with the divorce process so I had my lawyer drop the petition and that was that.

So yes you CAN file today and then change your mind later or ask for more time if things change between you both. If you don't have your Lawyer working on a lot of divorce prep in the meantime, it won't even cost you very much at all. I think all it would have cost me was a couple hundred dollars for the lawyer to file the initial paperwork and then another $165 for the filing and serving fee's. Honestly you can probably get it all done for about $400-500 or so.


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