# A real good question for every one here



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Is love enough to work on even when the other says there not in love with you ?? is it enough to build on when you have children and a family is it enough to start again or not??
For i read in several marriage books and heard this from a couple of councelors and seen it in a few web sites as well

Love is when you care for someone a lot being in love is the same thing just that there is a lot of excitement to it yet or still.

And what are your thoughts on that statement as well??????


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I think that if the other person doesn't love you, then you're doomed to a life of misery.

or

Is this one of those situation where the other says they love you but aren't "in love" with you?

If there is love, there is hope, and I think it is possible to get the spark back. It just takes effort.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I agree with Scarletblue. Where there is love, there is hope. Also, sometimes a spouse might say "I don't love you" when they do, but it's been buried by everything else going on in life. If that's the case, working on remembering the love is the first step. If it's just not there anymore, it's best to separate, but give it some time to try to determine what the truth is before making hasty decisions.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Love is a tricky word and is many times thought of but rarely, based on actions, is it understood what it is meant.

A man "loves" a woman, it is saying two components, first that he finds her sexually attractive, and second he views her as his responsibility to care for. When this is healthy it is emotional connection and dominance, and the opposite is the man feeling apathy leading to resentment.

When the woman "loves" a man, is also saying two components, first that she finds him sexually desirable, and second that she is feeling secure and taken care of by his dominance. This is emotional connection when it is healthy and the opposite of this is insecurity leading to resentment. 

The man: "I love you", is saying I find your feminity desirable and I will take care of you as my own.

The woman: "I love you", is saying I find your dominance desirable and you are satisfying my needs.

This is in regards to a relationship that it is desirable to have sexual attraction and is not speaking to "love" as used in so many other ways, say as a man "loves" his truck, or a woman "loves" her child.


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## letitgo (Nov 3, 2009)

scarletblue took the words right out of my mouth!


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Be careful, in humans sexual attraction is an emotional language much older than logic or reason and they have little or nothing to do with each other.

A dominant man is irrestible to a woman, and a woman will resent a weak man. 

This is biology and even if a woman tries very hard she will not be sexually attracted to a weak man, even if that man is good to her and she should be off very well in matters of treatment and security there will be no passion, no spark, no chemistry, no romance or any of the many things humans speak of to say sexual attraction.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

As much as I agree with you. Not our whole life is sex. Passion, spark, chemistry will die for anyone when they are under a lot of stress. They'll be in the mood for nothing. Also, it's hard to maintain those feelings throughout years of marriage. Sometimes it will fade, then it will come back again. 

Guess that's why it's important to have a loyal, responsible person next to you who is mature enough to not want to feel all fuzzy inside all the time. That's basically what love is. The 'in love' feeling comes and goes (in the case of smarter couples who know how to bring it back), or fades completely (in the case of the not-so-lucky).

But yes, love in my opinion, is a choice. It's wanting to be with that person through good and bad, because that is your life. It also assumes that when things are bad, you expect and work for better.


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