# It takes two to tango.



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

Husbands and housework. Why is it when those two words combine it can bring so much frustration and resentment in a marriage! Yes before I go any further it can swing both ways, ladies can be lazy also but in my case it's my husband. Pre kids ( 4 years ago) my husband would not batter an eyelid at helping me around the house. We both worked full time and we contributed to the housework. Nowadays, two children later he works maybe 4 days if that and I study full time, care for the kids and do all the housework while he does nothing and I mean nothing. It took me a full 24 hours of asking periodically for him to empty and load the dishwasher and he just wouldn't do it!! To say I'm frustrated is beyond an understatement now! It's just another thing along with the myriad of other issues in our relationship that makes me want to run for the hills!! His own parents agree that he is lazy and harp on at him for not helping, but he still doesn't give two s****. Anyone else in the same boat? I just needed a vent sorry! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why does he work only 4 days a week?

How many kids do you have?

How old are you, him and your kids?

Do you do his laundry? cook his meals, clean up after him?

One of the reasons that he is dumping all this on you is that you let him.


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Why does he work only 4 days a week?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




It's not that I let him EleGirl it's that I'm tired of asking for help. I've done it all.. asking him, saying to him "if you do this, I will do something for you" even gone as far as setting up a roster but all have failed miserably. My 4 year old helps out more than him! He can sit on the couch on his phone see that I'm doing housework and still not get up to help! 
I'm 30, he's 30 in March and we have two daughter 2.5 and 4 years old. He only works 4 days a week as those are the only jobs he can get. We are in Australia and in the middle of a job recession here in Western Australia. Finding work is near impossible! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you do his laundry? cook his meals, clean up after him?


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

Yes 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok, that's part of what I mean when I say that he dumps all the work on you let him.

The first step is to stop doing anything for him.

He's a big boy. He can do his own laundry. Just tell that he needs do it. When he has nothing left to wear, he'll do it. 

Don't pick up after him. If he will not pick up after himself and you have to because you just cannot live like that... get a box or basket and just put his stuff in it. But do not put any of his stuff away.

Do not out of your way to cook for him. Feed yourself and your children.

What other things do you do for him?

Do you have any income or is he the sole financial support?


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You are too accommodating to his lifestyle that frustrates you. 

Since the change isn't going to start with him, it needs to start with you. 

He's a big boy, he can do his own chores and feed himself & clean up after. 

Just make sure you are ready to stop accommodating.


----------



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Don't expect him to help out, give him direct requests that you want him to do, Can you please do the laundry today, that would be a great help to me. If he does it, make sure you tell him thank you and that you appreciate the help. If he doesn't then approach him again, nicely. Ask him if he feel like he could do more around the house to help, and that you would love to have the extra time to spend with him but you can't as you are overloaded with work.

I have to ask is there resentment in your marriage on both sides. If men feel like they are being disrespected or not getting needs met, respect, sex, they will shut down and not help out as he might feel like he gets nothing in return. Is this a learned behaviour? Is his father this way, or did his mom do everything for him?

Ask him, but be nice and non judgemental and understanding. Most healthy men would move mountains for a wife that makes them feel respected and keeps them sexually and mentally satisfied. My husband loves to do things for me, that to him is how he shows me he loves me, but if I want something specific done, I need to ask nicely and be direct in what I want done. If you come at him with angry he probably will just shut down. 

Books I have read that I find are helpful are "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger "How to have a new husband by Friday" By Dr Kevin Leman. These books have really helped me in the way I interact with my husband, and since I have changed my attitude and behaviour he has changed his tenfold. 

Best of luck, I know how frustrating it is to work, raise kids and still have a house to clean and run.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Daisy12 said:


> Don't expect him to help out, give him direct requests that you want him to do, Can you please do the laundry today, that would be a great help to me. If he does it, make sure you tell him thank you and that you appreciate the help. If he doesn't then approach him again, nicely. Ask him if he feel like he could do more around the house to help, and that you would love to have the extra time to spend with him but you can't as you are overloaded with work.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




With all do respect Daisy your advice is wrong. 

The housework is not OP's to do with the H to "help her". If he wants clean clothes or food he needs to do laundry or cook. I extremely doubt H thanks OP for helping. 

OP, the job recession in WA is unfortunate. Does your H work in construction? How active is he in looking for more work.


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Ok, that's part of what I mean when I say that he dumps all the work on you let him.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I don't have an income as I'm studying full time to become a nurse. I do receive a government benefit fortnightly which is means tested based on his salary. It's not much but it's enough to help out with some bills. I've tried all that in the past with not doing his laundry or cooking him meals but it's just ended up in him emotionally lashing out at me and calling me lazy. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> With all do respect Daisy your advice is wrong.
> 
> The housework is not OP's to do with the H to "help her". If he wants clean clothes or food he needs to do laundry or cook. I extremely doubt H thanks OP for helping.
> 
> OP, the job recession in WA is unfortunate. Does your H work in construction? How active is he in looking for more work.




He works in security industry. There's just not a lot of work going around at the moment here in WA. 
I just want him to contribute to his fair share of the domestic duties, because at the end of the day it's his house too, there our children and it's his mess as well. Yesterday I asked several times throughout the day "can you please do the dishes for me" his response was " after I do this ", " before I go to work" and then " after I get home from work" and then it never happened and I got to 8 am this morning and it still hadn't been done so I gave in as I need clean obviously and just did them. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

taffyc said:


> He works in security industry. There's just not a lot of work going around at the moment here in WA.
> I just want him to contribute to his fair share of the domestic duties, because at the end of the day it's his house too, there our children and it's his mess as well. Yesterday I asked several times throughout the day "can you please do the dishes for me" his response was " after I do this ", " before I go to work" and then " after I get home from work" and then it never happened and I got to 8 am this morning and it still hadn't been done so I gave in as I need clean obviously and just did them.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Stop asking with the "for me" ending. 

Stop using "Can you"

Try "You need to clean the dishes now, not later".


----------



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> With all do respect Daisy your advice is wrong.
> 
> The housework is not OP's to do with the H to "help her". If he wants clean clothes or food he needs to do laundry or cook. I extremely doubt H thanks OP for helping.
> 
> OP, the job recession in WA is unfortunate. Does your H work in construction? How active is he in looking for more work.


I am not saying he shouldn't do he is share of the work, it's his responsibility to, but what does being passive aggressive by not doing his laundry, not cooking him meals..etc and being angry and snippy with him solve.

Maybe this is they way he was raised. He might have learned from his parents that woman do all the housework and that OP is being unfair to expect him to help. Not saying this is right, just stating that unfortunately we marry our spouses family and all the bad habits they may have taught them.

All I'm saying is being nice and respectful goes a lot farther than being angry and passive aggressive. Sit him down and talk to him and explain to him what you need him to do to help out, make a chart if that helps, and explain to him that you want a helping partner in this marriage not another child and you need him to help out and do his far share if he expect this marriage to work. If he's not a damaged individual, which unfortunately some people are and can't be changed, than he will get the messages and start helping out, but if he holds resentment for you for some reason, he may not respond. 

Maybe not doing these chores you asked him to do is his way of being passive aggressive with you for not giving him something he needs. 

@taffyc would it be safe to say that this is not they only issue in your marriage?

I believe that it never hurts to be nice and if you give respect than you probably will give it back.

Edited to add: taffyc I am in no way saying that this is all your fault and that your concerns are not valid or important, I'm just saying to change the way you interact with your husband over this matter. If you are being respectful, nice and considerate with him and he is still not pulling his own weight than he has no one to blame but himself for being lazy and at least you know that you have done your part in trying to be a helpful respectful partner. Then tell him that because he refuses to respect you and pull his own weight in this marriage that you will be refusing to do anything for him, but I feel going this route would cause more resentment and problems in your marriage. Personally if my husband didn't respect me enough to take my feelings into consideration, i would have no love or respect for him.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Daisy12 said:


> I am not saying he shouldn't do he is share of the work, it's his responsibility to, but what does being passive aggressive by not doing his laundry, not cooking him meals..etc and being angry and snippy with him solve.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




The issue is the words "i need you" or "helping". 

I am a guy. I don't "help" my wife. I do because it needs to be done. I was raised in a house where mom did everything for dad. And the kids. But when Dad's hours were reduced, and Mom was still working, Dad starting doing laundry and cooking. No excuses. 

He is described as "lazy" by his own parents. That is not a trait i would want in a security business. 

Who mentioned passive aggressive? Or being angry? I didn't. OP can be active and direct. That is opposite of PA. 

She can tell lazy husband that she only has a finite amount of time and energy. She can tell him " this is what i will do and this is what i will not do". 

He won't care if the house is a mess if he is responsible for cleaning it. But he will care if he has no food and no clothes. 

He wouldn't or shouldn't act this way at work. His boss doesn't baby him to get him to work. He works or gets fired. 

You can't "nice" lazy to work. 

I want to know what he is doing on his phone instead of being a man.


----------



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> The issue is the words "i need you" or "helping".
> 
> I am a guy. I don't "help" my wife. I do because it needs to be done. I was raised in a house where mom did everything for dad. And the kids. But when Dad's hours were reduced, and Mom was still working, Dad starting doing laundry and cooking. No excuses.
> 
> ...


You are right you can't "nice" lazy, but there could be more issues in this marriage than just this one, and we don't know the whole dynamic of this relationship.

If OP has sat her husband down and respectfully told him he needs to do his fair and he still does not listen, than maybe this guy is just "damaged good" and will never change. Spending the rest of your life not doing his laundry or cooking for him is only going to grow resentment and hate in this marriage. If OP's husband refuses to help out around the house then she needs give him a consequence for not treating her with respect and to me that would be to kick him out. She has already said herself that she gives in and does things she asked him to do. I'm sure her husband realizes that she may nag and nag, but eventually she will just do it herself. 

Normal healthy men, as yourself, take on 50% of the housework because it's what you do, but not all men are normal or healthy, as not all woman are normal or healthy. Sometimes you can't change someone or make them do what you want or need them to do, doesn't mean that you have to be a b*tch and nasty to that person. It says more about yourself if you take the route with someone. 

Not doing his laundry or cooking for him would be considerate passive aggresive to me unless she sat him down and said, "i'm not doing your laundry or making you meals because i am overrun with work and your refuse to help me". I myself would not want to be in a marriage where I had to do that as I would become resentful and angry towards my spouse.

OP's husband does need to be a man and step up and do what needs to be done for his family, but let's be honest here, he has his wife at him for not helping and his own mother calls him lazy but he seem to not care about either. If i was OP I would be seriously doubtful that this issue was every going to change.


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

Daisy12 said:


> I am not saying he shouldn't do he is share of the work, it's his responsibility to, but what does being passive aggressive by not doing his laundry, not cooking him meals..etc and being angry and snippy with him solve.
> 
> Maybe this is they way he was raised. He might have learned from his parents that woman do all the housework and that OP is being unfair to expect him to help. Not saying this is right, just stating that unfortunately we marry our spouses family and all the bad habits they may have taught them.
> 
> ...




Yes I can absolutely see what you mean  I'm polite when I ask him to " help " me but I only do so nowadays, because if I demand he starts snapping at me and calls me names. I'm unfortunately between a rock and a hard place with him as he emotionally abuses me as well. I cannot leave as yet , because of my financial status and will not walk away from this marriage till I can financially support myself and the girls. There is no emotional attachment to him anymore. The pain and resentment is far too strong for me to overcome. maybe that's why he refuses to help  just another way for him to punish me I suppose! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Then the situation is not just a about husband and housework. 

You are married to a lazy, underemployed, emotionally abusive man who doesn't care about you or the kids. That should be the focus of your thread. 

On your side you work full time, study for school, care for two kids, and do all the work for everyone , including him. 

I am sorry for you.


----------



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

taffyc said:


> Yes I can absolutely see what you mean  I'm polite when I ask him to " help " me but I only do so nowadays, because if I demand he starts snapping at me and calls me names. I'm unfortunately between a rock and a hard place with him as he emotionally abuses me as well. I cannot leave as yet , because of my financial status and will not walk away from this marriage till I can financially support myself and the girls. There is no emotional attachment to him anymore. The pain and resentment is far too strong for me to overcome. maybe that's why he refuses to help  just another way for him to punish me I suppose!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You are not to blame here. Your husband is a damaged and unhealthy and nothing you do will change him. I would leave as soon as you are able to because no one needs to live with abuse. Wishing you all the best and I hope you can get out of that situation sooner than later.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Daisy12 said:


> Don't expect him to help out, give him direct requests that you want him to do, Can you please do the laundry today, that would be a great help to me. If he does it, make sure you tell him thank you and that you appreciate the help. If he doesn't then approach him again, nicely. Ask him if he feel like he could do more around the house to help, and that you would love to have the extra time to spend with him but you can't as you are overloaded with work.
> 
> I have to ask is there resentment in your marriage on both sides. If men feel like they are being disrespected or not getting needs met, respect, sex, they will shut down and not help out as he might feel like he gets nothing in return. Is this a learned behaviour? Is his father this way, or did his mom do everything for him?
> 
> ...


Great Advice.

*I hope that this is the case here.* That he is not.....that he has not evolved....no, devolved into a slug.

Is he depressed?

Is something eating at him. Is he having a pre-mid-life-crisis?

Is he drinking a lot? Alcohol knocks the edge off of anyone. Makes them lethargic. Does he smoke pot? Do other drugs?

He is abusive? Not good.

He is not involved in the family...it appears?

Sitting down and relaxing can be habit forming. He needs to get up and move. Can you do things together, such as hiking, bicycle riding? Get the old boy off his keester.

Is the economic conditions in Aussie land depressed...or depressed where you folks live? Can you move where the jobs are? You are going to school? For what degree?


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Are you serious? That would be the damn day! When my fiance (now husband) first moved in, and for about the next year, he wouldn't do much around the house either. If he did dishes, he'd pick out from the pile, the ones that he dirtied, and would wash them, but leave the rest for me. When I asked later, he'd say that he didn't know the rest had to be done. Really?? Like you, I asked numerous times, and he would help for awhile, then would stop. The last time I talked to him about this, I said to him: "If you can't/won't/don't have time to/not interested in helping me out around the house, that's okay, but if that's the case, you're going to have to find somewhere else to live. You have 2 weeks to make a decision; I don't care what you decide, but you need to own it." He changed his ways within those 2 weeks. Maybe give him an ultimatum, and see if that lights a fire under his butt.



taffyc said:


> I don't have an income as I'm studying full time to become a nurse. I do receive a government benefit fortnightly which is means tested based on his salary. It's not much but it's enough to help out with some bills. *I've tried all that in the past with not doing his laundry or cooking him meals but it's just ended up in him emotionally lashing out at me and calling me lazy.*


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

But, but, but. . .
There was a change. 2 changes actually.
He was lazy growing up, then he was responsible and helpful then there were children and you going back to school and he is back to lazy. 
So something changed, then changed back, or something else changed or he just reverted.

I'm most worried about the resentment and detachment I'm seeing here. In fact it seems at this point that Taffy is saying, "I want to just finish my education , get a better job, and then divorce. But it would be so much better if he would help me leave him sooner."

Do you think he knows what is coming down the pipe?


----------



## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

taffyc said:


> Husbands and housework. Why is it when those two words combine it can bring so much frustration and resentment in a marriage! Yes before I go any further it can swing both ways, ladies can be lazy also but in my case it's my husband. Pre kids ( 4 years ago) my husband would not batter an eyelid at helping me around the house. We both worked full time and we contributed to the housework. Nowadays, two children later he works maybe 4 days if that and* I study full time*, care for the kids and do all the housework while he does nothing and I mean nothing. It took me a full 24 hours of asking periodically for him to empty and load the dishwasher and he just wouldn't do it!! To say I'm frustrated is beyond an understatement now! It's just another thing along with the myriad of other issues in our relationship that makes me want to run for the hills!! His own parents agree that he is lazy and harp on at him for not helping, but he still doesn't give two s****. Anyone else in the same boat? I just needed a vent sorry!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



You are a housewife, commit to the job.


----------



## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

Ursula said:


> Are you serious? That would be the damn day! When my fiance (now husband) first moved in, and for about the next year, he wouldn't do much around the house either. If he did dishes, he'd pick out from the pile, the ones that he dirtied, and would wash them, but leave the rest for me. When I asked later, he'd say that he didn't know the rest had to be done. Really?? Like you, I asked numerous times, and he would help for awhile, then would stop. The last time I talked to him about this, I said to him: "If you can't/won't/don't have time to/not interested in helping me out around the house, that's okay, but if that's the case, you're going to have to find somewhere else to live. You have 2 weeks to make a decision; I don't care what you decide, but you need to own it." He changed his ways within those 2 weeks. Maybe give him an ultimatum, and see if that lights a fire under his butt.



If you had given me that ultimatum and you were a housewife, I would have packed your **** and put it on the porch


----------



## DualvansMommy (Jul 27, 2014)

DepressedHusband said:


> If you had given me that ultimatum and you were a housewife, I would have packed your **** and put it on the porch




But she isn't JUST a housewife! She's also at school full time earning a degree in nursing, and doing ALL of the household and child rearing on top of it. Why can't the husband do his share? He's just working? Nothing else and only 4 days at that too! If you told ME that I would divorce your ass. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Ultimatums are a dangerous game. @taffyc reports that her husband is verbally abusive. She suspects that he is as emotionally detached as she is. She is holding on for financial reasons, not in order to save the marriage, or fix him. A separation for safety reasons would be better advice than throwing out ultimatums, or bribes, or passive aggressive refusals.


----------



## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

DualvansMommy said:


> But she isn't JUST a housewife! She's also at school full time earning a degree in nursing, and doing ALL of the household and child rearing on top of it. Why can't the husband do his share? He's just working? Nothing else and only 4 days at that too! If you told ME that I would divorce your ass.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



ohhh no, if she isn't working, she is a house wife, her schooling is a hobby at this point, and must be treated as such. 

Her husbands and family's needs COME FIRST


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

So, if you were my H, then I'd just have had to put up with doing all of the house cleaning, all of the cooking, all of the yard work, etc. on top of working outside of the home full time, while you sat and pretended to work while watching TV? Yeah, I don't think so. No woman (or man for that matter) should have to feel like a slave in their own home! And H couldn'tve sent me packing; it's my name on the deed.



DepressedHusband said:


> If you had given me that ultimatum and you were a housewife, I would have packed your **** and put it on the porch


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

She IS working though. I do believe that she said she had a job on top of going to school. Schooling is definitely NOT a hobby (I don't know what cracker jack box you pulled that one from). Schooling is a means to a better job, or a new career. And, on top of everything else, taking care of running a household and raising a family by oneself is also a full time job.



DepressedHusband said:


> ohhh no, if she isn't working, she is a house wife, her schooling is a hobby at this point, and must be treated as such.
> 
> Her husbands and family's needs COME FIRST


----------



## Tim Cook (Oct 23, 2016)

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Great Advice.
> 
> *I hope that this is the case here.* That he is not.....that he has not evolved....no, devolved into a slug.
> 
> ...




Here in Western Australia there's been a huge economic down turn which has resulted in jobs cut or massive pay cuts. Certain industries have been affected more than others and here in Western Australia, we have the highest rate of unemployment out of all our states in Australia. It's not for lack of trying for work with my husband, it's a situation of he just simply isn't getting the necessary hours by the three security companies he is employed with. We cannot move currently as I'm studying to be a Nurse. 

He is what my therapist has indicated in the past as showing behaviour similar to someone who is verbally and emotionally abusive. It is unfortunately a learnt behaviour , his family tends to have the same traits. Unfortunately for me I was so blinded by love when first being with him that I was unaware of the dangers ahead in our relationship, then I fell pregnant and it all went on from there. 

It's hard to say whether he is depressed currently, he has had episodes of feeling rather blue and down. I've got depression but I handle it differently from him plus I'm on medication so I'm rather stable at the moment. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Has he tried getting work on area other than security?

Do you live near a large city such as Perth where he can find other work?


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> But, but, but. . .
> 
> There was a change. 2 changes actually.
> 
> ...




Unfortunately that is exactly what I am feeling at the moment Mr.Nail 
Finish my education, start to stand on my own two feet financially then if nothing changes or our relationship is at the point of no return I will simply walk away! I've done it once and he didn't learn the lesson and I came back into the relationship on the precedence of change and still not a single cell in his body has done so. So what am I left to do? My happiness and the happiness of my two girls are all that matters now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

DepressedHusband said:


> You are a housewife, commit to the job.




I take it you don't have a wife? Because if you did, I feel really sorry for her! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

DualvansMommy said:


> But she isn't JUST a housewife! She's also at school full time earning a degree in nursing, and doing ALL of the household and child rearing on top of it. Why can't the husband do his share? He's just working? Nothing else and only 4 days at that too! If you told ME that I would divorce your ass.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




This is exactly my case in point. It's more effective to row a boat with two people than one. Teamwork! It's our house, our mess, our children to clean up after, our dogs to walk and feed and clean up after. It would run a lot smoother with two people and not too mention be quicker! But alas I'm solo on this journey and I've tried everything to have him
on board helping or even to participate just a little but I get nothing just insults and cussing because I'm getting on his nerves! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

Ursula said:


> She IS working though. I do believe that she said she had a job on top of going to school. Schooling is definitely NOT a hobby (I don't know what cracker jack box you pulled that one from). Schooling is a means to a better job, or a new career. And, on top of everything else, taking care of running a household and raising a family by oneself is also a full time job.




Oh Ursula if I could give you a big hug I would  
I am only studying full time but that in itself is 4 full days of going into college to attend lectures and labs not too mention the 10+ hours of study hours I put in when I am home. So yes, the remainder of my time is my two girls and housework. It's just hard when he is home at the same time I am on his recliner on his phone. He can hear and see me in the kitchen doing dishes etc or vacuuming floors or mopping in clear view and have both my girls asking " mummy I'm hungry" or " mummy where's this or that" and not once he would say " I'll go do that girls" or " here hunny I'll finish that job and you go tend to the girls".
It's incredibly frustrating to have day in and day out! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Has he tried getting work on area other than security?
> 
> Do you live near a large city such as Perth where he can find other work?




We live in Perth. He has an electrical pre apprentice certificate but no electrical company will take a 30 year old mature age apprentice they want them in their late teens or early 20's. They pay cut we would have to take would be huge too! Apprentices do not get payed much and with a mortgage and me trying to become I nurse it just wouldn't be achievable right now. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When I went to carnivals, Taffy was on my list.

The problem with Taffy: It is so tacky, it sticks like glue. If you are not careful, it will pull your fillings out of your teeth.

The good things about Taffy, the Down Under Lass: She is sticky, she sticks like glue. Once she makes a vow, once she makes a promise, she keeps it.

It was her abusive husband that pulled out her fillings. Her fillings of love, of duty to her marriage. 

She is a gem....he is "now" mere common glass. A glass created in a low heat furnace. Glass for common consumption.

Finish your school, bide your time. Once you have completed your degree, step out of your door. Head 222 Kilometers to the South West, The Great Victoria Desert is all around you.

Look up at the blinding Sun. Spread your new wings .......let them dry in the heat of the day. Start flapping.... fly to Sydney. Start a new life. 

Find a man who loves Taffy. A man who loves and appreciates a women who sticks warmly to him.
........................................................................................................................................................................................................
How much longer until you finish your nursing degree?


----------



## taffyc (Mar 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> When I went to carnivals, Taffy was on my list.
> 
> The problem with Taffy: It is so tacky, it sticks like glue. If you are not careful, it will pull your fillings out of your teeth.
> 
> ...




Love this! Very creative SunCMars  
I have this year to go. Finish up in December. I have interviews for Grad Programs in some of Perths major hospitals around July. I'm hoping I am successful then have a full time nursing position to go into. I'm committed to change and making my life better and wholesome. I'm sadly afraid my husband is no longer wanting to come along for the ride so as you said I'm prepared to spread my wings and start a new journey! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I have a wife that's that way. Does do a damn thing. Works but doesn't contribute her money to the family, blows it all on herself, does no housework, makes no meals. She comes home from work and falls asleep. She makes the kids and I do all the housework and make all the meals. What makes someone that frickin lazy??


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> I have a wife that's that way. Does do a damn thing. Works but doesn't contribute her money to the family, blows it all on herself, does no housework, makes no meals. She comes home from work and falls asleep. *She makes the kids and I do all the housework and make all the meals.* What makes someone that frickin lazy??


How? Does she twist your arm behind your back? What makes someone that lazy is having someone else do all the work.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

taffyc said:


> Unfortunately that is exactly what I am feeling at the moment Mr.Nail
> Finish my education, start to stand on my own two feet financially then if nothing changes or our relationship is at the point of no return I will simply walk away! I've done it once and he didn't learn the lesson and I came back into the relationship on the precedence of change and still not a single cell in his body has done so. So what am I left to do? My happiness and the happiness of my two girls are all that matters now.
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


With an abusive person in the mix the first priority should be safety. 
As long as you see that with such a bleak future outlook he has no incentive to be helpful. I know that his own inaction has put him in this position. Nothing can be done by either of you to improve the situation. 

You really should be thinking seriously about the protection of yourself and the children. Not the money.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> I have a wife that's that way. Does do a damn thing. Works but doesn't contribute her money to the family, blows it all on herself, does no housework, makes no meals. She comes home from work and falls asleep. She makes the kids and I do all the housework and make all the meals. What makes someone that frickin lazy??


You really need to stop doing for her. Tell her up front that things are going to change, that you and the kids will do your fair share but you are not her slaves, and that starting tommorrow you are only washing/cooking/doing for the kids until her attitude changes.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

frusdil said:


> You really need to stop doing for her. Tell her up front that things are going to change, that you and the kids will do your fair share but you are not her slaves, and that starting tommorrow you are only washing/cooking/doing for the kids until her attitude changes.


I'd love to do that but the explosion of anger that would ensue wouldn't be worth it. I have said this same thing before that I'm not cooking and cleaning anymore, but the house won't get clean and everyone ends up on their own for meals. The kids and I make our own meals and she eats our leftovers. A messy house and eating left overs doesn't bother her but it does bother the kids and I.


----------

