# Hi I am new and heartbroken



## [email protected]

I am so happy I found this site. I have been married 30 years and my husband wants a divorce. Lots of things built up and neither of us tended the marriage. When he told me he was leaving in July when he gets his $300,000 bonus. I have been through every emotion possible and have humiliated myself by begging and offering sexual favors if he would just stop being so cold. I am ashamed and looking for a support group. I live south of Kansas City, KS


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## Beach123

I would suggest getting ahead of things. See a divorce lawyer. Get to know what to expect.

See what support money you can expect. Check on getting 50% of his bonus that’s expected.

Start demanding things. Get the house. Get the car you drive. Get a life ins policy on him.

Ya, you take care of you... he’s not gonna be looking out for your best interest.

Ask for at least half of everything you’ve obtained over the years.

Move plenty of money into your name only. Make sure you can survive if he decides to stop access to his pay.


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## She'sStillGotIt

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

It's *very very rare* when a man leaves his wife without *someone* waiting for him in the wings. The chances are extremely high that he's leaving for someone else, and likely wanted to wait until all your kids had left home and were situated in their adult lives. I'm just saying - don't be surprised when you find out he's 'dating' someone literally weeks after you separate - he's likely already involved with her _now_ but will play it off to your kids as though he just met her and they're newly dating.

Secondly, drag your feet as far as the divorce goes. That $300,000 bonus will be considered marital property as long as he's still living in the marital home when he gets it. So drag your feet as much as you can as far as actually filing, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't see a lawyer ASAP in order to find out how to protect yourself financially. Get to a lawyer PRONTO because your husband no longer has your best interests at heart, trust me. He's now thinking about protecting his own hide and feathering his nest for his future as a 'single' guy.

Get to a lawyer now.


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## StillSearching

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
> 
> It's *very very rare* when a man leaves his wife without *someone* waiting for him in the wings.


Agreed!! except in cases of a WW. 
Like me!

Wait a min...........I didn't leave her?....
But I filed.


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## BluesPower

[email protected] said:


> I am so happy I found this site. I have been married 30 years and my husband wants a divorce. Lots of things built up and neither of us tended the marriage. When he told me he was leaving in July when he gets his $300,000 bonus. I have been through every emotion possible and have humiliated myself by begging and offering sexual favors if he would just stop being so cold. I am ashamed and looking for a support group. I live south of Kansas City, KS


I don't know the state of the marriage, I don't know if he is having an affair, or if he is a jerk or is you are a jerk or whatever else is going on... Right now it does not matter... 

YOU NEED TO GET A LAWYER RIGHT NOW AND FILE FOR DIVORCE AND PROTECT YOURSELF TODAY... 

The rest we can discuss and I know you are hurting, but you have to do this first...


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## 3Xnocharm

Get thee to a lawyer NOW. Seriously, GO! NOW!

And stop the begging, it only makes you look pathetic to him, that is NOT attractive and will not get him to stay. Have some self respect. If he wants out, then by all means let him go. You will never have a quality relationship with someone who doesnt want to be with you.


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## uhtred

[email protected] said:


> I am so happy I found this site. I have been married 30 years and my husband wants a divorce. Lots of things built up and neither of us tended the marriage. When he told me he was leaving in July when he gets his $300,000 bonus. I have been through every emotion possible and have humiliated myself by begging and offering sexual favors if he would just stop being so cold. I am ashamed and looking for a support group. I live south of Kansas City, KS


Do you think there is any chance of fixing it? Do you know what went wrong, is there some root cause of the problem?

Divorce isn't always the worst choice if a marriage is already unhappy.


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## Cynthia

3Xnocharm said:


> Get thee to a lawyer NOW. Seriously, GO! NOW!
> 
> And stop the begging, it only makes you look pathetic to him, that is NOT attractive and will not get him to stay. Have some self respect. If he wants out, then by all means let him go. You will never have a quality relationship with someone who doesnt want to be with you.


I know you are hurting right now, which is why you are behaving this way, but you have got to get a hold of yourself. You cannot make your husband change is mind, but making yourself look less than him is not going to help you. He has to make up his own mind and he is in control of himself, but if there is any chance of resolving this, looking unattractive in this manner isn't going to help. You have to know that you have value and behave like it.

I really hate to say this, but it is highly probably that he has another woman.

Please do two things today:

1. Make appointments with several attorneys. You need to prepare yourself for what is very likely to come. You need to know what your rights and responsibilities are and what you should be doing to prepare.

2. Make an appointment with a therapist and get started in working through this. You need to get a handle on the shock and pain you are experiencing and be able to work through all of this in a healthy way, so you can land on your feet no matter what happens.

And finally, do not go easy on him. It seems counterintuitive, but it won't help your relationship with your husband if you go easy on him and it will end up hurting you in the long run. Fight for yourself and don't let him walk over you. I'm not saying to drag things on or to be unreasonable. I'm saying that you need to know what your rights and responsibilities are in all this and you need to stand up and take proper care of yourself.


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## 3Xnocharm

CynthiaDe said:


> [And finally, do not go easy on him. It seems counterintuitive, but it won't help your relationship with your husband if you go easy on him and it will end up hurting you in the long run. Fight for yourself and don't let him walk over you. I'm not saying to drag things on or to be unreasonable. I'm saying that you need to know what your rights and responsibilities are in all this and you need to stand up and take proper care of yourself.


He thinks he is going to take that money and run away into his new life. Well guess what, HALF of that money belongs to YOU! Make sure you fight for it, for YOURSELF. 

Have you tried to find out who his new GF is?


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## Diana7

Men usually hate being alone, so I do have to agree with other posters here that he may well have a new partner. Sorry. 
As for the bonus he is waiting for, half of that will be yours after such a long marriage. It will all be included in the total assets.


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## wilson

I don't know that I would jump on the affair bandwagon quite yet. "Lots of things built up and neither of us tended the marriage" makes be think it could just be that he's gotten to the end of his rope. Lots of stories here have unhappy spouses just sticking it out until the kids are out of the house and stuff like that. An affair certainly is a possibility and I wouldn't rule it out, but I'm not convinced. And even if there was an affair, that might not really be the core of the problem. If the current issue gets addressed, an untended marriage will be a never-ending source of problems and struggles.

With a 30-year marriage, he at least owes you some time in couples therapy where you can talk this out and at least understand why he is leaving. If you have kids, he owes it to them as well. You both coming to terms with the what and why of the unhappiness will make it better for everyone, regardless if you stay together or not.


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## BigToe

She'sStillGotIt said:


> It's *very very rare* when a man leaves his wife without *someone* waiting for him in the wings. The chances are extremely high that he's leaving for someone else, and likely wanted to wait until all your kids had left home and were situated in their adult lives.


She wrote, "Lots of things built up and neither of us tended the marriage." How do you know he's not leaving because of her.

#twosidestoeverystory


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## MattMatt

I have sent you a pm.


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## personofinterest

BigToe said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> 
> It's *very very rare* when a man leaves his wife without *someone* waiting for him in the wings. The chances are extremely high that he's leaving for someone else, and likely wanted to wait until all your kids had left home and were situated in their adult lives.
> 
> 
> 
> She wrote, "Lots of things built up and neither of us tended the marriage." How do you know he's not leaving because of her.
> 
> #twosidestoeverystory
Click to expand...

 This amuses me for a variety of reasons…


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## personofinterest

1st, I am sorry that you are going through something so painful. I have several questions that I think may help clarify



Do you to have children?What would you say are his chief complaints about the marriage? What are your chief complaints about the marriage? Prior to you offering sexual favors during this crisis, how would you describe your marital sex life?


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## sokillme

Check your phone bill. He may not be cheating but I wouldn't take the odds.


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