# 5 years later...



## cbnero

Thought I would check back in 5 years later. I was typical husband living with blinders trying to win back a cheating wife, with predictable results. Found TAM, got help, and divorced her.

I tried dating about 6 months after the divorce. Found a nice girl, we dated exclusively for about a year before I cut it off. There were just too many red flags for me and I probably wasn't ready. Went out with a few girls after but nothing past 4 or 5 dates. Got kind of burned out dating so I have just focused on being a dad and building my business the past couple years. Haven't gone on a single date since maybe Aug 2016. But my kids 8 and 10 are doing awesome with school. And my income has gone up another $200k per year, so financially I'm doing well.

My only question for the TAM community is I still dont know what to do with my life. I'm 39, turning 40 in Nov. Dont even know a single woman at this point to even ask out. All my buddies are married so I am alone pretty much all time when the kids are with their mom. I dont think I want to get remarried, seems like too much risk with not enough upside. I get pretty lonely sometimes. But I think being lonely might be better than being with the wrong person or being taken advantage of. 

I would love to date but never meet women and dont do anything online - dating, facebook, etc. Texting and all that crap just isn't for me. And it seems like people in general are so materialistic now and it's a big turn off for me. I make a good income but normally I'm in shorts, tshirt, and flip flops so you wouldn't know it. Ha maybe that's part of the problem.

Anyone else dealing with this? I feel like if I'm not ready to get serious I shouldn't waste a girl's time.


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## aine

cbnero said:


> Thought I would check back in 5 years later. I was typical husband living with blinders trying to win back a cheating wife, with predictable results. Found TAM, got help, and divorced her.
> 
> I tried dating about 6 months after the divorce. Found a nice girl, we dated exclusively for about a year before I cut it off. There were just too many red flags for me and I probably wasn't ready. Went out with a few girls after but nothing past 4 or 5 dates. Got kind of burned out dating so I have just focused on being a dad and building my business the past couple years. Haven't gone on a single date since maybe Aug 2016. But my kids 8 and 10 are doing awesome with school. And my income has gone up another $200k per year, so financially I'm doing well.
> 
> My only question for the TAM community is I still dont know what to do with my life. I'm 39, turning 40 in Nov. Dont even know a single woman at this point to even ask out. All my buddies are married so I am alone pretty much all time when the kids are with their mom. I dont think I want to get remarried, seems like too much risk with not enough upside. I get pretty lonely sometimes. But I think being lonely might be better than being with the wrong person or being taken advantage of.
> 
> I would love to date but never meet women and dont do anything online - dating, facebook, etc. Texting and all that crap just isn't for me. And it seems like people in general are so materialistic now and it's a big turn off for me. I make a good income but normally I'm in shorts, tshirt, and flip flops so you wouldn't know it. Ha maybe that's part of the problem.
> 
> Anyone else dealing with this? I feel like if I'm not ready to get serious I shouldn't waste a girl's time.



cbnero, good for you that in all respects you are in a good place. You do not have to be in a relationship to be complete as a person, if you do not know that now, perhaps a visit to a counselor might help you in this regard. 
You can do other things such as do charity work, contribute back to the community in some weekly activities, etc. You never know in helping others you may well meet someone with whom you click.


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## cbnero

aine said:


> cbnero, good for you that in all respects you are in a good place. You do not have to be in a relationship to be complete as a person, if you do not know that now, perhaps a visit to a counselor might help you in this regard.
> You can do other things such as do charity work, contribute back to the community in some weekly activities, etc. You never know in helping others you may well meet someone with whom you click.


Thanks - overall I am happy. I live out in the country (which I love) but volunteering and all that is probably 40 min away to the city. Maybe I need to swallow my pride and try again.

I would love to find someone to date a few times a month. I haven't ever dated a single mom. Maybe time to try and find one with similar schedule and goals.


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## Marc878

Most women in your age range are going to be divorced with kids. Not necessarily a bad thing if you're just looking to date with no expectations but most women will be looking for commitment.

You should redo your wardrobe. Clothes do make the man.

Did the x finally get it and stop bothering you?


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## sunsetmist

So, stay over in the city occasionally. Take cooking lessons or wine seminars, dancing lessons, take a class at a college or university or go to other activities at such a school. Animal lovers often make good partners--volunteer to walk dogs at shelter on weekends. Single teachers at ur children's school? Attend church activities, meet-ups. Don't search for perfect person, just someone to help with the 'lonelies.' You have time--red flags may or may not appear. Vary the type of lady--gives broader spectrum for success. You need someone as good on inside as outside.


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## Mr.Married

If you do find the right girl be sure to spend money on a prenup before an engagement ring. Save yourself the nightmare.


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## cbnero

Marc878 said:


> Most women in your age range are going to be divorced with kids. Not necessarily a bad thing if you're just looking to date with no expectations but most women will be looking for commitment.
> 
> You should redo your wardrobe. Clothes do make the man.
> 
> Did the x finally get it and stop bothering you?


Haha well you are probably right about the clothes. I'll take some time to do shopping this fall.

As for the ex- well it's been 4 months since I had have my attorney threaten her with a restraining order. This is the longest she has gone without trying to move back in or get back together. It's fine though. I just ignore it and dont bother to reply unless its kid related. Only reason I had my attorney involved is in April I got about a dozen texts at midnight professing her love for me. I just fwd them to my lawyer and said make it go away. 😉

Though she did ask to borrow $100 in front of the kids which I lent her and she did pay me back 2 weeks later. She is completely unstable with her career. Changes every few months. Oh well, not my problem anymore, thank goodness! We get along fine, no fighting or anything.


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## cbnero

Mr.Married said:


> If you do find the right girl be sure to spend money on a prenup before an engagement ring. Save yourself the nightmare.


No worries there I dont see a remarriage in my future. Sometimes I get lonely but sometimes I love being alone without worrying about keeping anyone else happy and doing what I want. My preference for dating someone is about 3 times per month. Otherwise I have my own stuff going on.


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## Decorum

Definitely clothes, dress a bit younger.

Try a meetup club. You can get the lay of the land, outside a pickup atmosphere. 

Even develop some friendships.


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## lovelygirl

cbnero said:


> No worries there I dont see a remarriage in my future. Sometimes I get lonely but sometimes I love being alone without worrying about keeping anyone else happy and doing what I want. My preference for dating someone is about 3 times per month. Otherwise I have my own stuff going on.


There's hardly any woman out there who'd accept to see her date only 3 times a month, unless she's FWB.

If that's your range, then I'd say don't even bother, otherwise you'd end up wasting other woman's life!

At 40, anything a woman wants is to have a 3-times-a-month *date.* They don't even want a date at all. They want a* full-time husband.*


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## StarFires

cbnero said:


> I dont think I want to get remarried, seems like too much risk with not enough upside.


Boy do you need an attitude adjustment. So whoever you date, I hope you will be up front and honest with her so she knows you're the one who just wants to take advantage. 



cbnero said:


> I feel like if I'm not ready to get serious I shouldn't waste a girl's time.


Amen to that!

You should get counseling to help you feel better about yourself, women, and relationships. Someone to talk things through with can't hurt and would likely help a lot.


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## 2ntnuf

As you get older, you will find that many women don't want to be married, but would like to date and have a companion to go with them to family functions and occasions they'd like to attend. 

Caring for someone else's children, when they have a father, is difficult. It is best when the children are young and you can be a father to them. As they get older, they have difficulty accepting any other male as a father figure... particularly when they have had a father in their lives up to that time. Personally, I don't believe it is a good idea to be the child's friend, rather than an authority figure. You may not have much authority, nor friendship. It depends on many factors.

Older children have difficulty taking a man seriously and he has little, if any input in their continued upbringing. It can feel a bit defeating to live in a situation like that. Having your own life in those situations is important, so you don't feel left out, and used. 

Your spouse's time will have to be shared with the children, who are not yours, and your money will be used to help them. It is best to be a very giving person who doesn't often feel left out. 

Some time after about the age of 50, many women don't worry so much about marriage. It's difficult and the remaining time left in life doesn't seem worth wasting on attempting to train some man that likely won't learn any new tricks(can't teach an old dog new tricks...sort of). I've seen that with many men. Being alone when older, yet dating all seems to work out fine. Though, there are some folks who do want to be married, I think it has to be a very difficult proposition. As men and women get older, they don't seem to be taken as seriously... for whatever reasons. 


In the end, we all choose our own path and I hope you find what makes you happy. I'm not trying to discourage you, though it may seem that way. I'm simply hoping you think about things and don't miss something which is very important to consider. My little list isn't correct for all. Neither is it complete. I just happened to think of these and wanted to offer them for consideration. 

You have worked very hard to get where you are. You want to be careful. It's not worth being unhappy by jumping into a relationship because you are lonely and needy. I'm sure you know that. Sometimes, we forget because we miss being with a partner and sharing life and love.


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## Chuck71

cbnero said:


> Haha well you are probably right about the clothes. I'll take some time to do shopping this fall.
> 
> As for the ex- well it's been 4 months since I had have my attorney threaten her with a restraining order. This is the longest she has gone without trying to move back in or get back together. It's fine though. I just ignore it and dont bother to reply unless its kid related. Only reason I had my attorney involved is in April I got about a dozen texts at midnight professing her love for me. I just fwd them to my lawyer and said make it go away. 😉
> 
> Though she did ask to borrow $100 in front of the kids which I lent her and she did pay me back 2 weeks later. She is completely unstable with her career. Changes every few months. Oh well, not my problem anymore, thank goodness! We get along fine, no fighting or anything.


LTNS Nero..... I see your Iranian Nightmare hasn't changed a bit. I still say you are her de facto

H until she snags another guy. Asking to borrow $ in front of the kids shows how putrid she will go.

Before you know it, your kids will be dealing with her, not you. As for dating....

I'm several years older. After my D in 2012, I dated UG for almost two years. Great gal until her

bandages came off. I don't see it as time wasted at all, just maybe that time may have been 

utilized better. Proceeded to date around and just focus on myself. If it comes, it does. If it

doesn't, oh well. Met someone...worked well for about six months, then it didn't.

Met current g/f when I wasn't seeking....we're about 18 months in. But the last time I started dating a girl

and was actively looking, 1991, 2nd love. See romance/connections are like jobs.

If you're single and looking or seeking a job....nobody wants you. When you're taken or have a job,

all the ones you asked/applied for come beating down your door. If you're a tshirt n shorts guy, be that.

Don't alter yourself to get dates. Even if you accomplish the dates, the dates may like you for

a reason you do not exactly stand for. You're in the country....me too. Try a hiking club.

Doesn't have to be skilled. I live near the lake and from April to September....Porter Wagner could have more

dates than he could handle. Buy a small boat and fish. Sit at the docks and show these Y2Kers how to party.

Dating has changed a lot since about the time you met your XW. I was there too.

But I knew it would take a helluva gal to interrupt my life of watching West Coast baseball games until

1AM, eating lasagna in my underwear, sorting through vintage baseball cards, and cranking Motley Crue.

Above all..... Nero B Nero. Not a thing wrong with getting "up dime'd" (popism for dressing upscale) but

don't be what you are not. Are you seeking a business professional female or a laid back one?

Do you want to date D moms or females with no children? Do you want additional kids?

I agree too many people are too materialistic. After you've been through the D washer/dryer, no one 

is fond of a repeat. If you don't ever plan on getting M again or are highly skeptical.....tell 'em. At least

by the 4th/5th date. /I was burned really bad and it destroyed my family, therefore I am more likely 

to never M again/...... You'd be surprised how many females have said those same words.

But make that known going in.


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## cbnero

StarFires said:


> cbnero said:
> 
> 
> 
> I dont think I want to get remarried, seems like too much risk with not enough upside.
> 
> 
> 
> Boy do you need an attitude adjustment. So whoever you date, I hope you will be up front and honest with her so she knows you're the one who just wants to take advantage.
> 
> 
> 
> cbnero said:
> 
> 
> 
> I feel like if I'm not ready to get serious I shouldn't waste a girl's time.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Amen to that!
> 
> You should get counseling to help you feel better about yourself, women, and relationships. Someone to talk things through with can't hurt and would likely help a lot.
Click to expand...

I dont think I need an attitude adjustment. I haven't been dating at all so I haven't been taking advantage of anyone.

For right now I know what I want and dont think I need to apologize for it. I have never and would never mislead someone. Open book in that regard.

If someone wants more than that, no problem. Date someone other than me. It doesnt make me or them a bad person, does it?


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## Married but Happy

If you want to date, then you probably need to get over your avoidance of online approaches. It was the only good way I could find suitable, single women when I was dating. Bars and clubs don't attract the best candidates, and most interests and activities (like meetup groups) have too limited a candidate pool, although sometimes you may get lucky.

Dating isn't about getting serious. You won't know for months if someone even has long-term potential. When you both get to that point, you should discuss potential futures, and your views on not marrying again. It's not a deal breaker for many women, these days - many don't want to get married again, either! And don't show up for a date in shorts and t-shirt, unless you're going to the beach!


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## cbnero

Chuck71 said:


> cbnero said:
> 
> 
> 
> LTNS Nero..... I see your Iranian Nightmare hasn't changed a bit. I still say you are her de facto
> 
> H until she snags another guy. Asking to borrow $ in front of the kids shows how putrid she will go.
> 
> Before you know it, your kids will be dealing with her, not you. As for dating....
> 
> I'm several years older. After my D in 2012, I dated UG for almost two years. Great gal until her
> 
> bandages came off. I don't see it as time wasted at all, just maybe that time may have been
> 
> utilized better. Proceeded to date around and just focus on myself. If it comes, it does. If it
> 
> doesn't, oh well. Met someone...worked well for about six months, then it didn't.
> 
> Met current g/f when I wasn't seeking....we're about 18 months in. But the last time I started dating a girl
> 
> and was actively looking, 1991, 2nd love. See romance/connections are like jobs.
> 
> If you're single and looking or seeking a job....nobody wants you. When you're taken or have a job,
> 
> all the ones you asked/applied for come beating down your door. If you're a tshirt n shorts guy, be that.
> 
> Don't alter yourself to get dates. Even if you accomplish the dates, the dates may like you for
> 
> a reason you do not exactly stand for. You're in the country....me too. Try a hiking club.
> 
> Doesn't have to be skilled. I live near the lake and from April to September....Porter Wagner could have more
> 
> dates than he could handle. Buy a small boat and fish. Sit at the docks and show these Y2Kers how to party.
> 
> Dating has changed a lot since about the time you met your XW. I was there too.
> 
> But I knew it would take a helluva gal to interrupt my life of watching West Coast baseball games until
> 
> 1AM, eating lasagna in my underwear, sorting through vintage baseball cards, and cranking Motley Crue.
> 
> Above all..... Nero B Nero. Not a thing wrong with getting "up dime'd" (popism for dressing upscale) but
> 
> don't be what you are not. Are you seeking a business professional female or a laid back one?
> 
> Do you want to date D moms or females with no children? Do you want additional kids?
> 
> I agree too many people are too materialistic. After you've been through the D washer/dryer, no one
> 
> is fond of a repeat. If you don't ever plan on getting M again or are highly skeptical.....tell 'em. At least
> 
> by the 4th/5th date. /I was burned really bad and it destroyed my family, therefore I am more likely
> 
> to never M again/...... You'd be surprised how many females have said those same words.
> 
> But make that known going in.
> 
> 
> 
> Well yeah see that's what I'm thinking too. I already have one ex I cant get rid of. I dont need a 2nd one! Haha
> 
> The dating world has changed and I have a lot to catch up on, seemingly. It just seems like many women in my age group have an agenda to be married (first time or remarriage) and the clock is ticking down. Especially those that also want kids.
> 
> Some are very vocal and upfront about it. Which is fine, and I appreciate their candor. But many also wont directly admit it.
> 
> I am just looking to make a genuine connection first, and I'm fine being alone until the right person comes along. I don't have a long term plan that I'm desperate to complete. But with those women who are and that I went out with a few times, it makes me feel like I'm being manipulated. Like I might not be what they really want but I check enough boxes and have good income, no drinking problems or anger issues, I am a good dad, have all my hair, so I'll do. But then I might as well be with my exwife, who was never really into me either aside from the reasons listed above. And that isn't happening!!!
> 
> I think I'll just keep waiting and find other things in life to enjoy in the meantime and hopefully meet someone at some point.
> 
> I really dont want to get a new wardrobe just to impress someone. But I appreciate it when a woman dresses nice so I guess I can put a little effort in and start there otherwise it's a little hypocritical of me.
Click to expand...


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## Chuck71

cbnero said:


> Chuck71 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well yeah see that's what I'm thinking too. I already have one ex I cant get rid of. I dont need a 2nd one! Haha
> 
> The dating world has changed and I have a lot to catch up on, seemingly. It just seems like many women in my age group have an agenda to be married (first time or remarriage) and the clock is ticking down. Especially those that also want kids.
> 
> Some are very vocal and upfront about it. Which is fine, and I appreciate their candor. But many also wont directly admit it.
> 
> *You noticed it too!*
> 
> I am just looking to make a genuine connection first, and I'm fine being alone until the right person comes along. I don't have a long term plan that I'm desperate to complete. But with those women who are and that I went out with a few times, it makes me feel like I'm being manipulated. Like I might not be what they really want but I check enough boxes and have good income, no drinking problems or anger issues, I am a good dad, have all my hair, so I'll do. But then I might as well be with my exwife, who was never really into me either aside from the reasons listed above. And that isn't happening!!!
> 
> I think I'll just keep waiting and find other things in life to enjoy in the meantime and hopefully meet someone at some point.
> 
> I really dont want to get a new wardrobe just to impress someone. But I appreciate it when a woman dresses nice so I guess I can put a little effort in and start there otherwise it's a little hypocritical of me.
> 
> 
> 
> Try this...... after she checks her boxes, YOU check YOUR boxes. What do YOU want?
> 
> Too damn many guys go the "two holes, tits, heartbeat" method and guess where they end up?
> 
> ALL females have those criteria..... but if that's all you look for, well look what they get.
> 
> Nero likes to....................
> Nero's looking for..................
> Nero's financials will not be discussed outside of broad overview until well in process.....
> 
> You're looking for a relationship now, NOT a M. You're possibly looking for someone to build a life with, NOT FOR.
> 
> There's a difference.
Click to expand...


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## Thor

cbnero said:


> No worries there I dont see a remarriage in my future.


Studies show that most divorced men over 50 don't want to get married. In your age range it probably relaxes a bit to what you said, you don't see getting remarried. But I think a lot of men would be happy to get remarried if they found someone they really clicked with. Whatever. It will be what it will be, and you have no way of controlling it from here.

I most strongly urge you, if you havent' already, to create a good solid Living Trust. Use a top notch attorney who specializes in estate planning in your area. You want to be sure it is rock solid and that it does precisely what you want it to. Online forms may let you down, and it just isn't worth the risk. My complete package cost about $2k, including medical directives, pour-over will, living trust, power of attorneys, etc.

A Living Trust puts all of your assets into a Trust which you control, so on a day to day basis there is no difference in how you manage your finances. Your house, car, bank accounts, and investment accounts are all titled over to the Trust. Your retirement accounts can't be, but you put the Trust as beneficiary. Ditto life insurance and HSA account.

What the Trust does is dictate how the assets are handled after you die. This way you can be *assured* the assets will not be grabbed by a spouse if you remarry. You can specify how and when your children get their share, perhaps requiring them be of a certain age and perhaps completed college. My Trust requires they be self-supporting and supporting any children if they have them. You can change the Trust at any time prior to your death, so you could put in a provision to make some monies available to a new wife, yet shield your children's inheritances too.

And you'll probably want a pre-nup to go along with all of this.

Even if you never remarry, you should have a Trust if you don't already.


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## Ynot

OP, ignore the posters telling you that you need an attitude adjustment, because the reality is that there are LOTS of women who simply are not interested in having their own world get turned upside down by getting into a committed long term relationship. As you go out into the world you will find many women who have careers, friends, possibly even children who simply want someone to hang out with occasionally and yes, even have sex with, without all the strings and commitments that come with being in a serious relationship. They may demand monogamy or they may not care, because they want to play the field as well. But regardless, they are out there and they are far more numerous than I ever thought when I was married.
As some one else said, OLD is valid option. You don't have to devote much time to it. Only as much as you choose. Another option is the MeetUp groups. I have met and dated several women thru MeetUp groups. The good thing is if you are doing an activity you enjoy, you probably already have at least one thing in common (assuming they are there for the same reason). Most people that do MeetUps are single anyway.
As far as wasting some woman's time, well just be honest from the get go. The only thing you owe anybody is honesty. I was shy about expressing what I was looking for at first. I had assumed that every woman was looking for that elusive "one". But the reality will surprise you. I continue to be amazed at how often the answer is mutual. If she is lying, then that is on her and not me.

PS the dating world really hasn't changed that much since you dated before, it is just that now you have so that is the perception. Men want women, women want men, some men want other men, some women want other women. The would is much more less restricted now, so go forth and find what you are looking. Despite what some want, this is not 1950 anymore, you do not have to live with shades of gray to fit in. Enjoy the vibrant colors of the world today.


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## 2ntnuf

Ynot said:


> OP, ignore the posters telling you that you need an attitude adjustment, because the reality is that there are LOTS of women who simply are not interested in having their own world get turned upside down by getting into a committed long term relationship. As you go out into the world you will find many women who have careers, friends, possibly even children who simply want someone to hang out with occasionally and yes, even have sex with, without all the strings and commitments that come with being in a serious relationship. They may demand monogamy or they may not care, because they want to play the field as well. But regardless, they are out there and they are far more numerous than I ever thought when I was married.
> As some one else said, OLD is valid option. You don't have to devote much time to it. Only as much as you choose. Another option is the MeetUp groups. I have met and dated several women thru MeetUp groups. The good thing is if you are doing an activity you enjoy, you probably already have at least one thing in common (assuming they are there for the same reason). Most people that do MeetUps are single anyway.
> As far as wasting some woman's time, well just be honest from the get go. The only thing you owe anybody is honesty. I was shy about expressing what I was looking for at first. I had assumed that every woman was looking for that elusive "one". But the reality will surprise you. I continue to be amazed at how often the answer is mutual. If she is lying, then that is on her and not me.
> 
> PS the dating world really hasn't changed that much since you dated before, it is just that now you have so that is the perception. Men want women, women want men, some men want other men, some women want other women. The would is much more less restricted now, so go forth and find what you are looking. *Despite what some want, this is not 1950 anymore, you do not have to live with shades of gray to fit in. Enjoy the vibrant colors of the world today.*



Can you explain this in more detail?


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## OnTheFly

Ynot said:


> OP, ignore the posters telling you that you need an attitude adjustment...


Yes, and I'll take it one step further, don't take dating advice from women, but only from other successful men. 

Yeah, I know it's a blanket statement, but I'm in a blankety mood.


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## Ynot

Despite what some want, this is not 1950 anymore, you do not have to live with shades of gray to fit in. Enjoy the vibrant colors of the world today.



2ntnuf said:


> Can you explain this in more detail?


We don't live in a world of conformity which was mostly what the 50's were about. The world we live in today allows much more diversity and many more alternatives than simple marriage (to a person of the same race), a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog and a cat. To some going back to that is what making 'Mericu great again is all about.


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## 2ntnuf

Ynot said:


> Despite what some want, this is not 1950 anymore, you do not have to live with shades of gray to fit in. Enjoy the vibrant colors of the world today.
> 
> 
> 
> We don't live in a world of conformity which was mostly what the 50's were about. The world we live in today allows much more diversity and many more alternatives than simple marriage (to a person of the same race), a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog and a cat. To some going back to that is what making 'Mericu great again is all about.


Agree. There are few societal rules we need to follow in fear of retribution, except the progressive movement's nonviolent, and sometimes violent in the most radical forms, oppression of those who do not think in like mindedness. 

Today, our social world seems scattered and uncertain. It seems temporary in all aspects, with change at it's foundation. This is a fearful time. When there are rules, there are standards and we can all learn them and work within them to conform to some ideal. It makes things simple and gives some calm and respite from the world with it's consistency and reasonable reliability. 

There can be both. We just haven't figure out how to do that with grace and justice. 

Thank you for the explanation. I did not know what you meant.


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## cbnero

Well I just finished working around the house the whole day. Gave me time to think about the advice posted. I am at least going to test the waters to see if I can meet someone good for me. Guess the first step to meeting women will be to actually go where there are women as none showed up at my door today.

I wish I had some single buddies to roll out to do stuff with. Sort of feel like that creepy loner guy who is out by himself but I'll have to get over it I suppose. I'm more terrified to go on the internet than asking a unknown girl out for a date in person and getting rejected. So... I am coming out of the wilderness. 

Will check back in and report my findings.


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## Marc878

Just put up a banner in the front yard.

Have ****, will travel.


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## Marc878

Don't forget the wardrobe update and get some good cologne. 

Fresh haircut too


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## Bananapeel

lovelygirl said:


> There's hardly any woman out there who'd accept to see her date only 3 times a month, unless she's FWB.
> 
> If that's your range, then I'd say don't even bother, otherwise you'd end up wasting other woman's life!
> 
> At 40, anything a woman wants is to have a 3-times-a-month *date.* They don't even want a date at all. They want a* full-time husband.*


-You can't waste another person's life because each person is in control of their own decisions and consequences. 

-That's not been my experience at all.


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## Ynot

Bananapeel said:


> -You can't waste another person's life because each person is in control of their own decisions and consequences.
> 
> As long as you are honest with them
> That's not been my experience at all.


Me either


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## cbnero

Dating going well, having a fun time. Got this howler over the weekend from the Ayatollah... just wow. Here you go...

---------
I just don't think I have a choice but to sell my home but we will have no where to go. Please don't say anything to the kids 

The builder I just joined as an employee just texted me this threat. I don't know what to think about it. Can you please let me live in your basement for 6 months while I get my feet back on the ground. I want out of new construction so badly!! His text below. Please help me for the kids sake. From the owner --- Width me Ayatollah. I will tell you one thing. If you f**k me over i will be done! Think about that ! 

---------
I did not reply, just ignored her. And no she will not be moving in


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## Bananapeel

If my ex was homeless I'd happily keep the kids full time while she found a FRIEND to stay with.


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## Twistedheart

lovelygirl said:


> There's hardly any woman out there who'd accept to see her date only 3 times a month, unless she's FWB.
> 
> If that's your range, then I'd say don't even bother, otherwise you'd end up wasting other woman's life!
> 
> At 40, anything a woman wants is to have a 3-times-a-month *date.* They don't even want a date at all. They want a* full-time husband.*


lol goodness you are bitter. That is so far from the truth it's ridiculous. Most of the women I have dated that's exactly how they like it and same with me. See each other a few times a month, feel each other out. If it's good then continue and get a bit more serious or if it isn't then break it off with no hard feelings and maybe learn something along the way.

lovelygirl, hopefully you are upfront about what YOU are looking for. That way you won't deceive or waste anyone's time that isn't looking to jump right into their next marriage :laugh:


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## Lila

@cbnero you mentioned in your OP that you had met a few women that went nowhere after 4 or 5 dates. What was it about them that you didn't like?


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## bkyln309

OnTheFly said:


> Yes, and I'll take it one step further, don't take dating advice from women, but only from other successful men.
> 
> Yeah, I know it's a blanket statement, but I'm in a blankety mood.


Ok that will help you. Other men that claim they cant find a good woman or cannot commit to a relationship:crazy:. Sounds like a great plan for success.


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## Chuck71

cbnero said:


> Dating going well, having a fun time. Got this howler over the weekend from the Ayatollah... just wow. Here you go...
> 
> ---------
> I just don't think I have a choice but to sell my home but we will have no where to go. Please don't say anything to the kids
> 
> The builder I just joined as an employee just texted me this threat. I don't know what to think about it. Can you please let me live in your basement for 6 months while I get my feet back on the ground. I want out of new construction so badly!! His text below. Please help me for the kids sake. From the owner --- Width me Ayatollah. I will tell you one thing. If you f**k me over i will be done! Think about that !
> 
> ---------
> I did not reply, just ignored her. And no she will not be moving in


Exactly why I stated until she snags another guy, you are still her de facto H. But it gets quite humorous

at times. My XW has tried things such as this in the past, recent past...and we had no kids.

Laugh at it and move along. This isn't the first or the last crazy attempt from her.

Your concern is your two children. No one else. BTW....how's dating life or are you just working on

your hobbies and yourself and the kids?


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## Bananapeel

bkyln309 said:


> Ok that will help you. Other men that claim they cant find a good woman or cannot commit to a relationship:crazy:. Sounds like a great plan for success.


It actually works because men and women communicate differently (I know...another blanket statement). Women often tell their male friends the things that they think the men need to feel better about themselves (i.e. a pep talk) while their male friends are direct and give accurate advice even if it hurts their ego. Again, this only works by asking advice from successful men who are willing to give an honest assessment.


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## GusPolinski

Bananapeel said:


> It actually works because men and women communicate differently (I know...another blanket statement). Women often tell their male friends the things that they think the men need to feel better about themselves (i.e. a pep talk) while their male friends are direct and give accurate advice even if it hurts their ego. Again, this only works by asking advice from successful men who are willing to give an honest assessment.


It’s far kinder to tell a harsh truth than to allow someone to endlessly toil against a lie.


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## Marc878

Cmon man. She only cheated and made your life a living hell for 3years.

Why you so mean?


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## cbnero

Lila said:


> @cbnero you mentioned in your OP that you had met a few women that went nowhere after 4 or 5 dates. What was it about them that you didn't like?


A few of them had deal breakers for me - smoking cigarettes or pot. A couple were too passive. It seemed like I had to do all the planning, and all the paying. Whether it's true or not I took that as they weren't really that into me and cut things off.


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## Ynot

bkyln309 said:


> Ok that will help you. Other men that claim they cant find a good woman or cannot commit to a relationship:crazy:. Sounds like a great plan for success.


You must've skimmed over the word "successful". Success is whatever one chooses it to be. It could be bedding 10 different women a month, it could be having a date every weekend, it could be finding a LTR, it could be marriage. If one knows what they want, they can often achieve that goal by seeking out others who have already successfully attained it.
Listening to the advice of others, who do not share your goals is crazy.


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## Robert22205

Sounds like you're in a small town and the dating pool is shallow. So expand your reach ... my kids (in their 30s) have success with Match and Eharmony.
Here's what they told me. 

Shy or inexperienced people like eharmony because it involves asking/answering questions suggested by the web site.
People on the pay sites are more serious.

People in your age group are or should be realists by now. Money matters (you know it and women know it).
People are on guard for slackers, users, scammers ... or people looking for mr/mrs paycheck.

At a minimum women are looking for a guy that can at least support himself.
Appearances matter ... especially on the first date.

My point is you may consider dressing up a little more to at least business casual on the first few dates.
Dressing up takes effort and is a compliment.

When using dating sites put a lot of effort in the pictures. Each picture should say something different about you (hobby, work, friends, volunteering).
Your profile should be honest (but no venting). Woman like to hear that you're financially independent, own a home, and what you do for a living.

Finally, since you're not looking for kids or marriage, consider older women. They're often financially independent and because of their life experiences they're good company.


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## cbnero

I cannot bring myself to do online dating... even though I'm in a small town with few options.

It seems like I don't have problems meeting women as much as meeting quality ones. Case in point I went to a fast/casual restaurant for dinner alone last week and a gal came in behind me. I had never been there before so I let her order before me. Started talking to her and invited her to join me at my table.

She was very nice but not my type. She was a millennial, lived downtown, kind of a hipster. We had a great time but at the end I just thanked her and wished her a good evening and never offered or asked to exchange phone number. 

I am just going to keep churning thru them for a while. It's fun but at the same time I hope I meet someone I want to invest more time in.


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