# need help



## ibbabyboo (Nov 10, 2008)

im seventeen i have been with this man for almost two years. We love each other more than anything, recently we looked at engagement rings and we found the perfect one. My mom is not thrilled about it. She says i am too young. I know i am young and i do not want to be getting married soon, I want a long engagement. I will be graduating six months early than i should be. I am working and i will be moving out with him. Is that wrong of her to tell me no i cant? I am pretty much alone and raising myself yes she pays for little things and the house i live in but i do the cooking the cleaning. I am ready to be on my own. Everyone else in my family minus my dad because we dont talk agrees with me..
how can i change her mind?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Getting married is a big step, even moving in together is.Enjoy being young and look at all the posts on here from people that get maried young and feel like they missed out.

draconis


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## ibbabyboo (Nov 10, 2008)

i know that we will make it. We pretty much have lived together already.
I had to grow up really fast because my mom is a single parent and has been since i was two. My sister went off and did her thing and i was left here. 
I know i will end up doing this because i feel its right but i want my mom there for it all. 
I just dont know how i will get her there.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ibbabyboo said:


> Is that wrong of her to tell me no i cant?


i think legally she can tell you no until you are 18, at which point she has no claim on you. im not sure about that, though.



ibbabyboo said:


> how can i change her mind?


Im sure you wont be able to change her mind. If you want her to respect your opinion, start by respecting hers. im sure you are intelligent enough to think of a few reasons why this is a bad idea. that doesnt mean you have to agree with what she says, it just means you can respect that she thinks differently then you. if you dont want her to try to change your mind, then you'd be a hypocrite if you think you should try to change hers.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

WHat will really change if you wait a bit?

draconis


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

draconis said:


> Getting married is a big step, even moving in together is.Enjoy being young and look at all the posts on here from people that get maried young and feel like they missed out.
> 
> draconis



:iagree:Amen to that! I think this pretty much answers everything.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Oh boy!! You are 17....do you REALLY know right now what you want out of life? Yes, I am a mom of 2 teenaged boys, and I will give you the same advice I would give them. Find your independence first!!!
You have to give yourself time to finish growing up before you can completely commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life...for better or worse..for richer or poorer..all that stuff!
Have you and this boy(and I say boy becasue I am assuming he is around the same age as you) talked about how you will handle things in the future? Stuff like kids, what you expect from each other, money, etc.? There is a lot more to marriage than meets the eye and it takes a lot of work to keep things fresh and on track. 
My suggestion to you is to take your time. Finish high school, go to college or what ever it is YOU want to be and do when YOU grow up.
I am in no means telling you to break up with this guy, but, how do you know he is the one for you if you never really dated anyone else? 
Why is it taht your Mom is not happy about this? Is it becasue she doesnt like HIM? Is it just because of your age? Ask her why and that may help you with your decision. But PLEASE please please, do NOT jump into anything because you feel it is "the next step". If you both love each other as much as you make us believe, then he will NOT have a problem waiting and neither will you. Just make SURE without a doubt this is what YOU want. It is all good now because you feel you love each other, but ask yourself the harder questions. When you have babies...will your relationship with him change? Does he expect you to stay home with the babies while he does his thing? Are you ok with that? Who will go to work? who will do the laundry? What will you do if you go through a period where there is no income? Do you want to marry him because you love him with all your heart and want to spend the rest of your life with him NO MATTER WHAT? or do you want to get married because he is your saftey zone? What is HIS idea of being a good husband and father? Is it what you expect from a husband and father of your children?
Instead of having a long engagement, how about you try just a long lasting relationship first. Figure out what both of you want out of life BEFORE you make a commitment. You may find in a year from now you 2 are not on the same page, but then again you may be. It is much better for you to wait now than to end up in a situation where you regret your decision!!!
I do wish you the best of luck...but give both of yourselves time to grow before making such a commitment!!!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

One good thing about these forums is you can learn from others mistakes.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/2864-going-through-separation.html



> She says she knows I am the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life, but she just wishes that she could have had a couple of years on her own before we got married into order just be single and by herself, and not be tied down, so she could go traveling on a whim, and just be free to do what she wants without restriction. She says she kind of always saw her life being like that, and never really expected to just get married so soon. Before you say, she should have thought of that before she got married, she knows, but she thought the feeling would go away. So right now she is trying to decide over whether or not to complete divorce, go do her own thing for a couple of years, then hope I am available,


draconis


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

Boy I wish I knew at 17 what I knew now....
My wife and I met at 18 and dated for 5 years.....10 years into marriage and we almost divorced (grace of God kept us together).
Give it the test of time....It is easier to learn young (it took me a while to understand what this meant).
Why the rush?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

My advice would be to finish school first.

Are either one of you thinking about college or the military?

What will you do for Careers?

My wife and I dated 7 years through college in different states, (NJ and PA) we were in to rush...we were just together hanging out and doing our own things.

I would HIGHLY, and I mean HIGHLY...go to college and arn a degree. I paid my own way through college so it can be done.

think about it, you are 17, you can't drink legally for another 4 years.... then it comes time to hang out with your friends, go to different bars and night clubs, etc.


If your relationship is meant to last then why would it matter if you waited 5 years to get married??

Becuase once you do get married....you have to get divorced if you want out, and that is not so easy.

REALLY think this out, to me 17 is WAY to young, I vote against it!


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## LovesMyHUbby (May 30, 2008)

Hi there~ first of all I want to say I am not expert I just have been in your shoes once befor I am 23 years old and I am married but not to who I thouht at 17 that I would be married too when I was 16 I got together with a guy I had known since I was 13 and we were in love and I moved in with him when I was 17 and thought he was the one and insisted to my family that we would get married and be together the just said ok we will see completley against what I thought. Long story short we were together for two and a half years and I fell out of love with him so what I am trying to say is wait and find out who you are first because mentally and emotionally you still have a lot of growing to do and there is a good chance you will grow apart however I am not saying its impossible for him to be the one for you I am just saying to wait and find out hope this helps


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## stepmomandwife08 (Nov 18, 2008)

Well Im not going to say do this or do that..Im the least one to be bossing someone around...But make sure this is what you want and whats going to make you happy.Remember...Never regret anything because at one time it was what you wanted...even the good,the bad and the ugly parts...Just be ready to be kicked in the @ss a few times..if you want to grow up fast then this is the way to do it BUT be ready for hard life lessons.


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