# Should I still hold on?



## unsuremom (Mar 19, 2010)

My husband & I have been married for 6 years and have a 5 year old together. The past couple years have not been the greatest for us. I partly think it's because my Husband moved to a different shift and only see him for 30 of an evening and on weekends. 2 years ago I found out he had been in contact with his ex gf. After noticing they were speaking more and more I asked him to cut back or stop as it bothered me he spoke to her more than me. I thought he had till I found out he didn't and I was so angry I called the woman up and told her how I felt about it and that I thought they were having an emotional affair she proceeded to tell me how unhappy my husband was with me. She told me that he told her that I had become heavier, and didn't pay attention to him...She agreed to quit as I explained to her she was going to ruin her marriage if she continued the constant calling and texting to my husband. They spoke ever so often as I didn't mind cause they had remained somewhat friends but then one day in May 09 I found text messages suggesting that they meet up one last time for old times sake. I confronted my husband and told him I had enough, he promised he would quit speaking to her and he did. 3 months later, Aug 09, he made friends with another woman who was local (the ex lived 90 miles away) on myspace. Few weeks later I found out he had been meeting her after work (1 am when I was asleep), he said they were just friends but later I found he had started locking his cell and guessed the password to read messages saying that they loved eachother. I kicked him out and the next day filed for divorce. A couple weeks later he started calling me telling me he made a mistake and this girl wasn't who he thought she was and wanted to come back home. Of course he admitted to me that he was sleeping with her and she was giving him attention that I wasn't giving him. So I forgave him and let him come home, I put the divorce on hold cause I wasnt sure if we were going to work it out or not. A month later the girl he had slept with emailed him to tell him she was pregnant but she never said if it was his or not. He told me I had every right to leave him and divorce him as I shouldn't have to look at his mistake the rest of my life, but he was my husband and I forgave him for the affair and we would try and work thru this child if it was his. Fastforward to a little over a month ago, I found out yet again my husband was texting, just texting a girl he went to high school with. I told him it bothered me because of the past and that I now have trust issues with him. I found she had sent him nude pictures of herself to him and it wouldn't suprise me if he had sent some of him back. 2 weeks ago he told me he couldn't handle me anymore and didn't know what he wanted. He says I stress him out because everyday I would hound him about this high school friend and they were only friends. He wanted to move out for a while and separate because he was so unhappy. Now I admit we fell back into our rut of not paying attention to eachother, and the sex was happening once a week but for the last month (before I knew about the high school friend) I felt like we were reconnecting as we had been intimate more during the week. Now here I am, in our house with our child and i'm so lost and lonely. I feel like he's giving me mixed signals because he wants to come home on his lunch breaks and usually has some reason to stop by at 1am when he gets off work. If he's not stopping by he's sending me random texts during the middle of the night. I found on here where it suggested that we kinda needed to part ways so he could have time to "miss me" and know what its like to be truely on his own. So 2 days ago I quit sending him messages or calling during the day, now he's the one who starts any convo we have. Today I did call him to ask him if he wanted to meet or talk over the phone about finances, and visitation with our son. He flipped and accused me of divorcing him and giving up. I dont know what to do...do I keep my my distance and let him figure out his problems while knowing that he's talking to this girl still who kinda started this fight or do I just finally need to call it quits because he may always do this. He told me he thought he was depressed but he doesnt want to get help cause he does think he needs to be druged to live with me. Not sure what to do anymore...im not a patient person.


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## pokergirl007 (Mar 17, 2010)

You deserve better and it seems that he may just be incapable of giving that to you. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions in order to regain your trust, did he expect that it would be comfortable for him????? Clearly he does not see the magnitude of his actions, the damage cheating (and possibly fathering a child) did. You have every right to be bothered by the texting and every reason to feel insecure about it. The fact that he is again treating you so badly because he "couldn't handle" YOU anymore is apalling to me. Im sorry to say this but it doesnt sound like he even sincerely regrets what he did. Move on Sugar, take care of yourself first.


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## unsuremom (Mar 19, 2010)

I'm unsure why if he's so unhappy why hasn't he tried to keep his distance from me. He is staying with a friend where he could take some of his belongings but all he's got is some clothes and his computer. Video games, consoles, movies, computer accessories, etc are all still here along with the majority of his clothes. One phone call to my attorney will get a court date and the divorce will be overwith and he knows he could be single in a week or so.


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## pokergirl007 (Mar 17, 2010)

Because he knows you are there to clean up his mess.... that you are the one spot he can never wear out his welcome no matter how CRAPPY he is to you.... Its not love, he is taking advantage of your love for him.... he will keep coming back as long as his life is falling apart, you help him NOT deal with the consequences of his actions. We teach people how to treat us and what he's learned here is that its OK for him to flirt/lie/cheat/talk to you like you are nothing. He has learned that he can do WHATEVER he wants and no matter what at some point you will let him come back. This man is no good for you. GET RID OF HIM. He made his bed, allow him to lie in it like the dog he seems to be.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I agree - it sounds like he didn't want to be married, maybe he loved you. . .and thought marriage was the next step or something but his behavior is more like a bachelor than a married man.

There will be a lot of temptation on your part to overanalyze what you have done, what you could do to make it better - RESIST THAT TEMPTATION!

That's what's so devastating about affairs/cheating - is that you are left wondering if you made the error, not him.

Once is forgivable. . .everyone can give into temptation once in awhile. 

But this is a pattern.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

HI,
I just read your story and my advice to you is RUN. 1st I can't believe that his exgirlfriend had the nerve to tell you that he had said you were FAT and things like that. If I were her I would of apologized and left at that. 2nd he has been cheating on you and once but several times and he wont STOP. He knows he has you and can do whatever bc you allow it. I know it's hard bc you emotions are involved but God allows divirce once your husband broke his vows. I pretty sure you are young and can still rebuild your life. He does not love you. You are a secuity blanket when he can't connect with all the other woman he cheats with. He is a LOSER!!!!! you are better than that. Love yourself and respect yourself and set an example for your 5 year old... Good luck and God bless!


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I am just curious. Does he see your child or spend time with them? I think that tells you a lot about a person's character. What about the girl that's pregnant? Does he see her and help her out?


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