# Upcoming anniversary



## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Women only please. 

I would like to run my idea by some women to get feedback on my plans. This is going to cost several hundred dollars, so I really want to make sure I hit the mark.

I met my wife at 12:20 PM, 5 March 1983, while we were on a high school UIL trip. We have been a couple since that day/time.

5 March 2023 is a Sunday. She works at an elementary school.

My plan:
1. An anniversary card with a hand written letter from me, delivered to her work on Monday 6 March, With
2. 40 red long-stem red roses (one for each year) and one single white rose in the center for the one day (6th).

Please be honest in your opinions. Alrernative ideas will also be accepted.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Love flowers but I wouldn’t hundreds of dollars spent on roses that die in a week. Weekend away sounds better.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> Love flowers but I wouldn’t hundreds of dollars spent on roses that die in a week. Weekend away sounds better.


Thanks, she will get a weekend away. I have NCAA baseball tickets for her that weekend already. And yes, she is the sports fanatic. She probably does not know I remember the exact day/time I first talked to her.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

BootsAndJeans said:


> Thanks, she will get a weekend away. I have NCAA baseball tickets for her that weekend already. And yes, she is the sports fanatic. She probably does not know I remember the exact day/time I first talked to her.


Good on youse, mate. 

I looked at the clock the morning I lost my virginity and thought the time and date would burn into my mind. Didn't. 

No significant dates here other than marriage so I get off easy.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I like everything you have planned. It shows so much thought, and I think she'll appreciate it.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

I think it's a super romantic idea and so thoughtful!


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Sounds lovely but send the flowers to school on Friday, March 2, 2023 in advance of your anniversary. If you can manage it, have the flowes delivered at 12:20 (the exact time) Let the kids & her fellow teachers oooooh & ahhhhh. Get her all jazzed up for your anniversary weekend away at the game in advance. After the fact you run the risk that she thinks you forgot.

While at the game see if you can get the anniversary broadcast on the jumbo tron & try to get on kiss cam.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> Sounds lovely but send the flowers to school on Friday, March 2, 2023 in advance of your anniversary. Let the kids & her fellow teachers oooooh & ahhhhh. Get her all jazzed up for your anniversary in advance. After the fact you run the risk that she thinks you forgot.


Thanks, I will think on this.

This is not our wedding anniversary. She will probably have no idea I remember when we met. This is that anniversary. Our wedding was in August 84.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

See edits. ., as you are doing your thinking.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> See edits. ., as you are doing your thinking.


I forgot her last birthday, but I was wracked with cancer and not on my game.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You are forgiven. Glad you beat the cancer. It's lovely & heartwarming to see a man planning a romantic surprise for his wife. Can I send you my husband -- Mr. Nomance -- for some lessons? lol


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> You are forgiven. Glad you beat the cancer. It's lovely & heartwarming to see a man planning a romantic surprise for his wife. Can I send you my husband -- Mr. Nomance -- for some lessons? lol


Men need to be taught how. Too many men get married and stop courting their wives. I took a great class for husband's at our church a long time ago. Short story - men are goal oriented.. when she marries us, we naturally think "goal achieved" and see no need to continue courting. It is now a habit for me, but it took understanding and reframing how I thought. We men are not real smart or intune a lot of the time.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I really challenge the thought-assumption that men 'naturally think goal achieved and see no need to continue courting'. That is not the experience that I have in my marriage, or the mindset of my husband.

Anyway, that aside. My view on romance and whether the expression will 'really hit the mark' is based on your spouse, and you thinking of what speaks to her. Only you can know that.

For example, I love receiving cut flowers, however, I much prefer to receive them at home and in private. While my personality leans more towards extroversion and openness, TAM aside, I can be quite private receiving such expressions. And it does nothing for me to have others make a fuss around me. My point is, for me personally, it would more so 'hit the mark' if I was given the flowers and card at home and handed to me by him. To me, that is far more intimate. From that view, you could give them to her on the Sunday. However, maybe she loves the surprise and fuss of receiving flowers and card at work. Whadda-I-know?!

To add... and whether red roses are going to be her fave? I mean, pretty much all flowers are good in my book, however, when my husband KNOWS specifically what I love, that is part of the 'romance'. Heck, it even boils down to really basic/simple stuff like knowing my coffee order and what-have-you. It's about paying attention.

You are thinking of a romantic gesture. That is sweet and it's lovely to read a positive thing here. I'm not knocking that at all. All I am suggesting is to really consider what SHE likes and what speaks to HER. Then you will know, and won't need to ask here. However, I'm also all for these types of threads. Eh, most of us are walking contradictions.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

@heartsbeating

Thanks. I cannot do the at home thing, as the florist is closed on that day and we will be at a college baseball opening in another city. As to the thing about men....in general, I believe it is so. There are always exceptions, but stereotypes exist for a reason.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

@BootsAndJeans -- I think @heartsbeating was making the point that my suggestion about letting people make a fuss when your wife gets the flowers is only appropriate if your wife LIKES that kind of attention. @heartsbeating would be uncomfortable & therefore unhappy if she received flowers at work rather than in a more private place.

You know your wife. What's HER style? That is the important thing. 

While your idea is lovely & if DH did that I'd be thrilled but roses are not my favorite flower. I think they can be a bit cliche. I'd rather have a smaller bouquet of my favorite: stargazer lilies. But those are too expensive for such a large bouquet so I'd expect 40 roses & 1 lily. Although he's not romantic, DH is aware that lilies will always get him farther with me than roses. Again it's about knowing your wife.

If you conclude that private would be better, pick the roses up on your way home Friday night. Or you can call the hotel where you will be staying for the game & ask them to recommend a florist near the hotel. Have the flowers delivered to the hotel. 

The key is what would YOUR WIFE like, not what any other woman on TAM prefers.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> @BootsAndJeans -- I think @heartsbeating was making the point that my suggestion about letting people make a fuss when your wife gets the flowers is only appropriate if your wife LIKES that kind of attention. @heartsbeating would be uncomfortable & therefore unhappy if she received flowers at work rather than in a more private place.
> 
> You know your wife. What's HER style? That is the important thing.
> 
> ...


No, she likes getting stuff at work. The girls in her office have asked...."What did he do?" or "Can he train my husband?".

The like the idea of of 1 white lily.

The roses are because this is a major, 40 year remembrance. With my run of cancer, I may not be here for 45 or 50. I want her to know what that exact day, the day I saw her for the first time, sitting with a bunch of other girls, means to me. What she means to me. I want is this to be special and remembered.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

White lilies symbolize DEATH. Not a good anniversary flower. Star gazer lilies are pink with spots. 








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I'm not criticizing your choice. I love what you are doing. I'm just making sure your WIFE likes roses as opposed to another flower. You don't want to go to all this trouble & have her be disappointed. 

If you go jewelry ruby is traditional for the 40th. My dad got my mom a lovely ruby ring that I now proudly wear. It warms my heart to think how much they loved each other, even with all their faults.


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## lmucamac (5 mo ago)

If you met on March 5th then that’s the day you should celebrate, not the day after. I absolutely love the idea of a card and a hand written note. Give it to her on Sunday. You could make her a meal and give it to her then. Or take her out for brunch or dinner, and give her the card then, maybe with just one single rose. 

I HATE the idea of the flowers, especially having them delivered to the school. Where is she going to put them after they are delivered. It’s not even on the day you met. Makes no sense to me. I would be mad my husband wasted so much money. 

Celebrating a special event isn’t about an expensive gift, especially one that can’t be kept and treasured. It’s about spending quality time together and doing something she loves to do.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

lmucamac said:


> If you met on March 5th then that’s the day you should celebrate, not the day after. I absolutely love the idea of a card and a hand written note. Give it to her on Sunday. You could make her a meal and give it to her then. Or take her out for brunch or dinner, and give her the card then, maybe with just one single rose.
> 
> I HATE the idea of the flowers, especially having them delivered to the school. Where is she going to put them after they are delivered. It’s not even on the day you met. Makes no sense to me. I would be mad my husband wasted so much money.
> 
> Celebrating a special event isn’t about an expensive gift, especially one that can’t be kept and treasured. It’s about spending quality time together and doing something she loves to do.


We are going away for the whole weekend for something she loves to do already.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

D0nnivain said:


> White lilies symbolize DEATH. Not a good anniversary flower.


Uh, oh. My wife carried lilies for our marriage.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@BootsAndJeans ,

I'm a lady "of a certain age", more of an introvert type (work at home remotely), and more of a sports fan than my Beloved Buddhist, so I can relate to a degree. I think your idea is on the money with just a few possible tweaks. 

First, if she's a lady who kind of likes her co-workers to ooo and ahhh...that's cool! That's HER. So sending the card and flowers to the office the day after will be her showing off a little bit. If that's what she likes, she'll like this. 

Second, I do agree it's wise to consider the flowers. I don't know what she likes or what is her favorite, but for me it's not red roses. Yes, if I got 40 red roses there would be massive brownie points awarded "for effort" but MY favorite is yellow roses...so gratitude would OVERFLOW if I got 40 yellow roses with coral tips! So it's not that the red roses are a "bad" idea, but they may not be her favorite. If you can, find out (or remember) what HER favorite flower is, and send her 40 of her flower. 

Finally, as I understand it, the "flow" of this event is a weekend away, hotel room, nice dinners, and ball game "on the day" during which you will no doubt bring it up, tell her what it means, celebrate together, etc. and she'll think "Cool this was the gift"...AND THEN you plan to surprise her with the flowers and card (with letter) the day after at work. If that is correct, then I think that's a fine idea. Maybe you don't need that "extra flower" but if you think that is something you want to add, consider a calla lily--it means "beauty"


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Affaircare said:


> @BootsAndJeans ,
> 
> I'm a lady "of a certain age", more of an introvert type (work at home remotely), and more of a sports fan than my Beloved Buddhist, so I can relate to a degree. I think your idea is on the money with just a few possible tweaks.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I think I may do some adjustments with the types and colors of the flowers. The number of the flowers is important for me on this one.

I have been squirreling away the money, so she will not be able to know I am doing it, as she has a sharp eye on financial transactions. 

With the day falling on a Sunday, it really limits what I can do, from a logistical standpoint.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

Just to be clear, why I want this to be a big thing. I had cancer that was surgically dealt with and am in remission. 

This 40th may be our last "milestone" anniversary. I do not know if I will survive until our 40th wedding anniversary.

Recent tests have been positive, but once you have cancer, you always have it. It just may be in remission. 

Based on the excellent feedback from the ladies here, I am thinking about meeting with the floral designer and making some modifications. 

My primary goal is to let her know, how very much having her as my partner in life and wife, is to me.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

I recall sending flowers for the 25th anniversary of our first date. She had no clue. I was kinda surprised. but when I told her why the flowers were sent, she smiled.


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