# Has anyone ever tried to set a trap....



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

...in order to see if your WS would initiate contact with their OW/OM again if they thought they were trying to contact them agian? Is this playing with fire?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I am sure people have. 

I don't really have an issue with doing this. Especially if you are feeling like you are Plan B. That your spouse would rather be with the OM/OW. 

If you get caught trying to trick them, then you have a pretty good excuse. "You cheated, I need to know where your head is at!"


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

there have been a few cases on TAM where the BS has pretended to be OW or OM, can't recall anyone in particular tho


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I'd do it. I had a friend sign up on AFF and message my husband right after D day. He never responded.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I don't have a thread, but I texted dude, as my wife, to get further information. It worked to a point, but it caused more problems as well.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

I think that is a very bad idea. As I understand it, the idea of the NC is to get the WS past the fog. A BS reasons that any contact between WS and AP may reignite the flame, lower the fog.

Why on earth would you artificially do that?

I can imagine getting an email from my xAP (WW) in the future: "my H made me think of you, how are you doing?"

There are an abundance of tools here to give the best chance of a full R. Rebuilding trust is a two way street.

An analogy to draw may include a sober buddy offering the x heroin addict some heroin to see if he/she are tempted!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Yes, I am not sure...a part of me thinks he would not do anything about it because he might be suspicious of it...he knows I am fairly good on computers, etc. so he would probably suspect it was me.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I've done it before. I think it just sparks feelings. I wouldn't say it's a good idea


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sorry misread that part, mine was before no contact was initiated. It was DDay-2 after gathering information to kill the entire thing.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Nah. My WH has enough contempt for my intelligence that I was quite content to monitor his communications and let him hang himself.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Yep... Backfired. A week after DD on her bday, I scheduled myself (a lie) for a racing school to get out of the house. Instead, I followed her and watched her phone log with snooping software.... She decided to work and went to the office. Thinking everything was on the “up and up” and verified she was where she said she was. I went supply shopping to get stuff so I could sleep in our other house. Unfortunately, I missed her leaving and going on a date with the OM. Took me nearly eight months to figure out that one by piecing together information she accidentally let out. 

She mentioned a movie opening weekend and a particular theatre... had to backtrack those dates, found it was her bday weekend... And as that movie date was their last encounter on her timeline which lied and said it was prior to DD (which was before the movie was out), I had a massive confrontation at this new betrayal.

IF I hadn’t of left her alone that day, none of it would have been possible. But I wanted to trap her and hadn’t anticipated how sneaky she could really be by avoiding my methods of monitoring and my lack of willpower to sit in a car for extend periods of time watching her parking lot. 

Oh.. And her bday is in 3 days, thus celebrating our 4th year since DD.


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