# convincing your mate to divorce



## trick-r-treat (Jul 3, 2007)

I know one of the hardest things to do when I decided to divorce, was to get my husband to go through with it! I could never understand why he just lived to torture me! I figured that he would be happier if he let me go so that he could get on with his drinking, drugging and messing around, but he refused! I was very miserable until I finally just left. Of course, then I was stalked, but that's another story.....


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## lilyflower_1978 (Jun 29, 2007)

I guess I'm in a different boat. My husband is the one pushing for a seperation and divorce. I have agreed to the trial seperation but after I faught really hard to convince him otherwise. As the person who doesn't want this it is really hard to see things from the other person's perspective. I just don't understand why and that drives me nuts. Plus a small part of me is being spiteful...he's making me miserable so why not make him miserable too by denying him what he wants. Guess that isn't the way a marriage works.


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## KKmysinger (Jul 17, 2007)

i guess it must have been difficult to convince your hubby for a divorce....i guess you must have felt guilty.


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## lovemyabba (Jul 9, 2007)

lilyflower_1978 said:


> Plus a small part of me is being spiteful...he's making me miserable so why not make him miserable too by denying him what he wants. Guess that isn't the way a marriage works.



You're right, lily... that isn't the way a marriage works... but it is the way a divorce works. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.


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## lilyflower_1978 (Jun 29, 2007)

The more time I have had away from him during this seperation, the more I see how our relationship has changed through the last year or two. I see we need this time to step back and take inventory and really decide what is best for us as a couple and individuals. I am still hoping that in the end we are together and stronger because of it.


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## Lindylou (Jul 30, 2007)

I picked up the do it yourself divorce forms, but hadn't filled them out. As difficult as this marriage is I don't know if I have the energy to battle it out in court with him. My husband gets into reversal anger mode and blames everyone for his mistakes. I could see a divorce being dragged on for months.


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## Charlene1234 (Aug 8, 2007)

I don't know if you have children or not, but once you do everything is more difficult. That's the only thing keeping me in our marriage - 3 sweet little faces that love their mommy and daddy. But what kind of family life are we teaching them to strive for someday?? Hope you can figure out what you want.


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## Lindylou (Jul 30, 2007)

Yes it is..I tried to stay until daughter was finished high school. That didn't work and I left during the summer prior to 12th grade. He used her against me at every turn(still does, it's called p.a.s.). Whatever happens with you and your spouse please don't put the kids in the middle. Kids just don't have the life skills to deal with all this adult crap.


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## brown_mrm (Oct 21, 2007)

I am in the same boat as you are. I bought the seperation paper and filled them out he tore them up. Then I gave him the papers and he would not fill them out. He says he loves me but he loves the other woman too. I can only hope that you will do what is best for you.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

He doesn't have to file them out. They just need to be filled out and returned to the court. If you have issue there are many lawyers willing to help, and many "free" or low cost solutions all over the US.

draconis


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

My husband filed for divorce 9.10 and I found it online by accident 9.22, he didn't even tell me, on 9.28 i found out about the affair (says ended in feb). He wants to work it out....then why file????? Now i am coming to terms with well he filed he can have it, am i wrong???


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

One of two things, either:

He feels "protected" either way to have you back or quickly dumping you.

Or he is setting up a sucker punch so you are not prepaired for the divorce day.

draconis


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

kajira said:


> My husband filed for divorce 9.10 and I found it online by accident 9.22, he didn't even tell me, on 9.28 i found out about the affair (says ended in feb). He wants to work it out....then why file????? Now i am coming to terms with well he filed he can have it, am i wrong???


I say let the divorce go through AFTER you figure out what your share of marital assets are. He has probably been working to hide them so you will need to get help with this but it is possible to prevent what he is up to...getting away unscathed.


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