# Is it important to a man for his wife to be interested in the things he likes?



## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

My husband has tried relentlessly to watch horror movies with him. He LOVES them. He will watch any one and any time. 

Personally, I do not like them at all. My parents kept me very sheltered as a child and once when I was about 6 a babysitter let me watch Nightmare on Elm Street and I was traumatized. Ever since then I have been turned off to the genre.

It makes me feel badly however because he gets into the things I like, even when I don't ask him. He'll sit and watch Glee with me and ask questions about it. It makes me feel guilty for not watching scary movies with him but I know even at 30 they will give me nightmares.

I've tried to compensate by learning about football and asking questions regarding other things he likes, but it always comes back to watching scary movies with him. 

What should I do? Just suck it up and watch them? I feel like the fact that I am so terrified of them strengthens his resolve to get me to watch them!


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

For me, its not important that she share an interest in the types of movies I like, or music, etc. I think its more important in the things that tend to define us. For instance, when I need to move, I enjoy buying older homes and fixing them up myself. We usually stick to homes where we can focus on an exciting project, like turning a plain entry into one with spiral stairs. My wife has found great ways to contribute to this hobby, and it becomes a way for us to do things together. I'll build furniture, cabinets, she does the wood finishing. On her side, she enjoys gardening in the flower gardens, so I build the retaining walls, take care of the mulch, etc. In entertainment, we have differents interests and respect for those is all we ask of each other. She hates scary movies, but my adult children and I love them. I would definately prefer her to avoid them, though. The last time she tried, her screaming during a nightmare almost gave me a heart attack.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Halien said:


> For me, its not important that she share an interest in the types of movies I like, or music, etc. I think its more important in the things that tend to define us. For instance, when I need to move, I enjoy buying older homes and fixing them up myself. We usually stick to homes where we can focus on an exciting project, like turning a plain entry into one with spiral stairs. My wife has found great ways to contribute to this hobby, and it becomes a way for us to do things together. I'll build furniture, cabinets, she does the wood finishing. On her side, she enjoys gardening in the flower gardens, so I build the retaining walls, take care of the mulch, etc. In entertainment, we have differents interests and respect for those is all we ask of each other. She hates scary movies, but my adult children and I love them. I would definately prefer her to avoid them, though. The last time she tried, her screaming during a nightmare almost gave me a heart attack.


LOL! I am like your wife.

I think it's great you guys fix up old houses. I also prefer old houses to newer ones. They have way more character. 

My husband and I also have that in common. We both love Victorian style houses and it's our dream to renovate one someday.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

themrs - it is very sweet of your husband to watch Glee with you (I do the same with my wife and actually enjoy it sometimes!) but I don't think you are wrong not to want to watch horror movies with him - as long as he knows he is free to enjoy them on his own with no hard feelings from you. I think it's normal and healthy to like some of the same things and then have your own things that you like separately.

My problem is my wife chides me unfairly for some things I do like. I am a huge fan of the band phish - meaning I've seen them about 25 times, have lots of their music on my hard drive and as someone who plays the piano they are THE number one inspiration for playing music the way I do.

My wife is fully aware of this, but is always belittling me basically for lsomething that has been a part of my life since I was 18. It is quite tiresome and pisses me off. There is a fine line between teasing me for being such a geek, and acting scornful as if I am stupid or bad for liking them. 

I never asked her to like them - but she should understand that they mean a great deal to me and leave it at that. I am not running off to go on tour with them like I was able to ten years ago, and I don't rub it in her face anymore. I've more than demonstrated that my priorities are in line, and that's the most important thing... right?


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

I think if it's something that affects the family finances like golf, drag racing, fishing, 4X4ing, then it's important because he doesn't want to feel bad for spending so much time and money on it.

But watching movies at home isn't really a hobby so I wouldn't feel bad if I were you. If he wants to go to a theatre or film festival then you should support him and go. 

Maybe he wants you to be scared so he can protect you:smthumbup:


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Watching the news upsets me so no I won't be watching any horror films anytime soon regardless of how much he likes it. 

I'd find something else to share other than this.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

nader said:


> themrs - it is very sweet of your husband to watch Glee with you (I do the same with my wife and actually enjoy it sometimes!) but I don't think you are wrong not to want to watch horror movies with him - as long as he knows he is free to enjoy them on his own with no hard feelings from you. I think it's normal and healthy to like some of the same things and then have your own things that you like separately.
> 
> My problem is my wife chides me unfairly for some things I do like. I am a huge fan of the band phish - meaning I've seen them about 25 times, have lots of their music on my hard drive and as someone who plays the piano they are THE number one inspiration for playing music the way I do.
> 
> ...


I actually ENCOURAGE him to watch them without me. I've sent him to the movies with his mom or whomever else wanted to see them with him. I tell him to have a great time! I'm fine with him having outside interests.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> Watching the news upsets me so no I won't be watching any horror films anytime soon regardless of how much he likes it.
> 
> I'd find something else to share other than this.


I haven't watched the news since the 2008 election. Too much bad and not enough good. It really effects my mood.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

themrs said:


> I haven't watched the news since the 2008 election. Too much bad and not enough good. It really effects my mood.


Same here. Haven't turned on anything but Sesame Street for 3 years now  It's sure helped my stress levels drop!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

For men, having a woman share our interests is a deep emotional need.

If you want an example - stop many people riding motorcycles and ask them if the woman on back is their wife.

My experience is that's an activity when dating.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad said:


> For men, having a woman share our interests is a deep emotional need.
> 
> If you want an example - stop many people riding motorcycles and ask them if the woman on back is their wife.
> 
> My experience is that's an activity when dating.


Too true. Mine came out with me but she fell asleep on the back!


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

AFEH said:


> Too true. Mine came out with me but she fell asleep on the back!


LOL! That is so sweet.

Conrad, I understand your point and I feel like he needs me to make the effort in doing this one thing that he enjoys.

I guess I could take the approach of needing him to "protect" me by putting his arm around me while we watch the movie.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

themrs said:


> LOL! That is so sweet.
> 
> Conrad, I understand your point and I feel like he needs me to make the effort in doing this one thing that he enjoys.
> 
> I guess I could take the approach of needing him to "protect" me by putting his arm around me while we watch the movie.


I am certain that will work for him.

Good luck to you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Normally, I'd say that it's good for a spouse to share the interests of the other spouse. But in a case where that interest gives the one spouse nightmares, I'd say the other one is on their own. Watch movies together if you like, but you shouldn't feel obligated to watch something that disturbs you.

My stbx-wife enjoyed horror movies as well, and I prefer not to watch them. They weren't a super high priority for her, or anything. But rather than me watching with her, I encouraged her to get out with a friend or relative who shared that interest. If that makes me a bad husband, so be it.

On the other hand... I took up running, and started doing races. For my first big one, I trained almost 300 hours and 2600 kilometres over the period of 8 months. And did she attend even one of my races, even when the kids asked to come and I could tell her within 15 minutes of when she needed to be at the finish line? Nope, not once in 15 races... I recognize it may be hypocritical of me, but that generated some resentment (on my side).

C


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