# A decision I dont want to make



## krj (Feb 19, 2012)

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. I am 26 and he is 29. He has known all along that I wanted children and he used to say he did too. For the last year he has gone back and forth on wanting children and in the last few months has informed me that he never wants them now and wants me to sacrifice for him and give up on having children. I love him but I also can't give up the possibility of having children. How do you choose between the man you love and the future you thought you were both planning to have. This one issue is starting to create a bigger wedge in our relationship, we are starting to fight more and he wont talk to me like he used to. I have asked him to go to counseling but he is refusing and as of yesterday he started accusing me of cheating on him. I don't understand where all this is coming from because all of my free time I try to spend with him in hopes of fixing our problem. I guess I am trying to hold on to the thread of hope that he will change his mind back to wanting children like he originally said he did. But how long do you hold on to that hope, how long before we are both completely hating each other for not wanting the same things anymore and then divorce is no longer just a fleeting thought but becomes an ugly nightmare? Do I leave him now while i'm still young and hopefully find someone else that I fall in love with who wants the same as me? How do I take that risk - he used to want the same as me but has changed his mind. I know I shouldn't hold it against him, if it were reversed and I was the one who changed my mind about having children I wouldn't want him holding it against me. But I can't help it I do, and I feel like I would be just giving up on him and our marriage if I were to leave -failing to overcome our problems and fix them. Even though I know that there really is no way of fixing what he wants vs. what I want - it's not like there is a halfway point to where we could compromise on having or not having children. I know that he also has to be willing to work on our problems and maybe he doesn't, but just wants to make me be the one to give up on us.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Get an experienced counselor. After 17 years and no kids, and a failing marriage, it is clear that having kids was much more important to her than I. It was not my fault, as I always accepted that if it was ment to be we would have them. She had medical reasons why she could no conceive which were not discovered till she was older.

In hindsight and someone now seperated, when she talked about fertility issue and adoption, I would have now given it more attention.

These are not the primary reason for our issues, but a part of why she disconnected.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Never gonna work. Move on and find someone else and let him find someone who doesn't want children either.

If you stay, you'll be hearing that clock ticking 24/7 and if you wait too long, it might be too late to start a family.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

krj,

That`s a whole lot of resentment you`ll be holding in ten-15 years.

If children were what I saw for myself I would divorce any partner that "changed their mind" after the vows were made.

It`s called a bait & switch.

It`s a deal breaker for me.


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