# Stranger in my own home



## trexy66 (Apr 19, 2008)

My husband and I have been having some problems lately and we always end up arguing and not talking to each other for a few day's this by far is the worse,we have not talked for a week.I am sleeping in my daughter's room we try and stay away from the house by visiting friends etc.I have talked to a lawyer and he said it would'nt be a good idea if I just walked away from the house.Yesterday I noticed he made a big purchase without talking to me as that is what we usually do.I feel like a prisoner when I am at home I shut myself away in the bedroom so I don't have to be around him.Is there anyone else that is in the same situation or has been in the same situation that could give me some advice on how to cope.How do you live in the same house when you are going through a separation?


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## Corina (May 15, 2008)

Hi trexy - what a hard situation! Is it clear that you are going to separate? Is it clear to both of you? Or is this a case of you both being pissed off and just need a week or two to let some steam off before you re-connect?

I've never really been through this. For us the longest time of silence has been a day or two. I'm not a big talker, but eventually my husband forces me to talk about what is going on. It hurts, but at least we know where we both stand then.

The only thing I can suggest is breaking the silence and talking - my thoughts are with you!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i agree with corina, the silence has to b broken . its a hard situation to b in. im in it at the moment. hubby had a one night stand in april. its been a massive rollercoaster of emotions. we have 2 children and been together 13 yrs. 
i chucked him out when it happened. our holiday was already booked and we still went. but after holiday (after all) hubby pays half of everything, and he would only have ended up in a small room at his mothers house. 
we just rotated bed to couch on different nights. 
it was really difficult at first. 
but try not to row, i found that best. u might explode at times, but pretty much stay calm. 
what we learnt was when separated and living together. dont ask your daughter what dad up to. (? age) mine are 11 and 8. you have to do your own thing, dont avoid him, you could make it worse and thats wht is making you secluded and trapped. 
u might not love your hubby, but that could return.
my hubby and i started talking again. our children c us here and they know the situation. 
i say all this , but it really depends on you. wht do you both want. my hubby mentions divorce - so do i, but we just cant do it. 
so that means something - were not ready to let go. 
so we still have feelings for eachother. without knowing it.
i hope this not to much for you. 
but get out of your bedroom. u cannot live like that. dress up nice. he wil soon c a difference.walk around house head up high . ask how your hubby is and gently introduce how you both feel, wht do you both want?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi Trexy!

I've been going thru a similar situation--well, until my husband moved out anyway. The arguments and the silent treatment have got to stop. They will only make things worse. You said he bought an expensive item without discussion. Well, as the resentment gets worse, he'll probably do even more of that. In addition, he'll get to where he will buy other things, play with bank accounts, and other stuff. He will try to hide his purchases and transactions from you to avoid auguments. That's when things go from bad to worse. Soon you'll be adding another problem--TRUST. Do both of you want to save your marriage? I recommend you both see a marriage counselor before things get beyond repair. That's what we should have done three years ago. We see a marriage counsel now. We can finally be around each other and not argue. However, I'm afraid it may be too late for us because of all the damage done.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

If you leave your house and let your husband handle everything than that is abandonment and he would likely get more then you are willing to give up. A better suggestion might be hobbies or activities with your kids.

draconis


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## trexy66 (Apr 19, 2008)

Well the truth has come out,my husband said he should have never married me because of my daughter I am glad it is all out in the open we are now deciding what to do with our house.We are being civil to one another so it is making it easier.Why don't I feel sad about the break up?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Because you have finally come to terms with it and you place your vunerable child before your hubby.

draconis


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

you dont feel sad at the moment, because you have found an inner peace. 
its because you have decided to let go.
i put my children before my spouse all the time and you sound no different, its a mother unconditional love.
being civil does make it easier.
but you wil still have times where your emotions wil go from anger, to hate, to love and being civil again. 
you have a long process ahead of you. 
just concentrate on your daughter and yourself. and start going out.


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