# What ever happened to morals???



## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

Funny, when I was growing up, I heard this word a lot! Now, you hardly hear the word anymore, let alone see people exercise it. 

Now a days, if you hear of someone who cheats on his wife or on her husband, its really not a surprise or even frowned upon. :scratchhead:
My H is a cowboy and a majority of them; that I know, are on their 2nd or 3rd wife??? Most of them have had affairs with their buddies wives. 
It is nothing to have some of the cowgirls openly flirt with my H. (He does wear his Wranglers and cowboy hat mighty fine....in their defence) 

Is cheating everywhere...or more acceptable in 'different ways of life'?

What is stopping you from cheating? Love, Fear, lack of acceptance or Morals?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Never thought about this. But you ask an interesting question.

Love. I think love stops me from cheating.


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## chiksam (May 4, 2012)

I think this is a great question. And I think Matt's answer is a good one.

You've caught me in a moment where I'm pretty sensitive about the cheating issue...and so I'm going to launch into a scathing criticism of the world in response...I apologise in advance 

You know what I think...I think that, more and more, we are living in a society where we are learning that (a) ACQUIRING as much as we can for OURSELVES as INDIVIDUALS over the course of our lifetime should be our focus (you're "in" if you got the salary, pension, clothes, car, house, family, partner, stuff, and more stuff...you had a wasted life if you missed out on all of that), (b) these things should be acquired as QUICKLY and EASILY as possible, no questions asked, (c) experiencing ANY adversity (getting depressed, having problems or issues that need to be overcome) is INTOLERABLE and should be escaped ASAP (take a pill or do anything to fix depression, if a relationship has issues...then get the heck out of there...it can't be right), and (d) that one of the new things we should seek to ACQUIRE is a constantly happy, blemish free mental state (blissful happiness until death).

All of the above (which I believe are unwritten "rules" in the world we occupy today) help to ensure that morals (in the sense you are referring to them...as being quite "OK" with cheating) are slowly ebbing away from us. 

For one thing, in a society that is OBSESSED with individual gain, material and non-material acquisition, and each person getting as close to an idealised image of perfection (the perfect life, happy, happy, happy, car, partner, house, kids, pension, travelled between high school and university in Kenya etc etc) as possible...is it any wonder that empathy for other people is slowly seeping away? It's hardly an ethos that encourages us to empathise with others, it encourages us to crap on them in order to get what we want (even if that's only implicitly).

For another, in a society where nobody can tolerate mental discomfort, obstacles, difficulty (because these things mean we haven't got that perfect, blemish free, happy, happy happy life...right?)...is it any wonder people are so ready to abandon relationships, relationship growth, and personal growth in order to get a quick fix of something that feels more "acceptable" again (being "in love").

This is my sociological analysis of it...and if it keeps going like this, "relationships" as we know them, will be a thing of the past. We are witnessing the death of "morality"...and this site will one day be an awesome historical artefact that can help document that.

Sure, I may sound bitter...that's because I am right now...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

chiksam said:


> I think this is a great question. And I think Matt's answer is a good one.
> 
> You've caught me in a moment where I'm pretty sensitive about the cheating issue...and so I'm going to launch into a scathing criticism of the world in response...I apologise in advance
> 
> ...


Love and the knowledge of how badly my wife could be hurt...


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

chiksam said:


> I think this is a great question. And I think Matt's answer is a good one.
> 
> You've caught me in a moment where I'm pretty sensitive about the cheating issue...and so I'm going to launch into a scathing criticism of the world in response...I apologise in advance
> 
> ...


I love you!!!! And I love your post! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

There is one thing in life that you can always count on. That is your own moral code. Nobody can make me do anything that I will not agree to do. I will not sacrifice my self respect and my belief in God for anyone, not even my wife. That is why I will not cheat. I have honor.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

chiksam said:


> I think this is a great question. And I think Matt's answer is a good one.
> 
> You've caught me in a moment where I'm pretty sensitive about the cheating issue...and so I'm going to launch into a scathing criticism of the world in response...I apologise in advance
> 
> ...


You sound like a very smart person who has a great insight. So sorry that you are going through what you are!


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

My unwillingness to become the filth I see around me. I have nothing but contempt for this world.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

bfree said:


> There is one thing in life that you can always count on. That is your own moral code. Nobody can make me do anything that I will not agree to do. I will not sacrifice my self respect and my belief in God for anyone, not even my wife. That is why I will not cheat. I have honor.


WOW! I couldn't have said it better! :iagree: And I love my husband too...that helps.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I've been cheated on three times. On two occasions I found out after the marriage was over, the third, I was lied to and was told that the baby my fiancé was carrying only to find out that it wasn't and was used as a pawn in her scheme. It hurt. Real bad and I wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on my worse enemy. It's not the kind of pain you can put an ice bag on or numb it with medication. It stays with you because the pain is in your heart and in your mind and they haven't come up with anything to stop the hurt except time and at times a minuet can seem like a day and a day can seem like a year. Not to mention that you never forget it. Ever.


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

Love and a conscience stop me from cheating. Before marrying, I focused on this thought experiment below:

Let's say you marry someone you love and as a couple you are happy together. However, while married you meet someone else who feels like your "true love" with whom you have a seemingly magical connection. Would you pursue that "true love" or not? Why or why not?

I really tried to imagine that scenario. You have to try to feel what it would feel like. And thanks to the gift of reason and a conscience, I told myself again and again "no matter who, no matter when, I will never ever cheat... not even for a 'soul mate' I have obligated myself to my husband for now and forever more."

Moral obligation should trump pleasure. But maybe humans' levels of morality can be charted on a bell curve. Unfortunately, my husband is morally retarded.


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## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Lack of consequences. Back then, if you cheated, you were basically looked like a slvt or home wrecker the rest of your life. Now, a month or so passes and all is forgiven by friends and family. It's pathetic.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

Like it or not, adultery, divorce, and remarriage are becoming more socially acceptable almost daily.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

totallyunexpected said:


> Let's say you marry someone you love and as a couple you are happy together. However, while married you meet someone else who feels like your "true love" with whom you have a seemingly magical connection. Would you pursue that "true love" or not? Why or why not?


This would make a great thread!!! I was raised that 'there's no sex until marriage, and marriage is forever' But even though I would never cheat on my H, I left my first marriage to be with him. UGH! So I guess I failed the question above. 
Yes, my first H was physically abusive and a very selfish lover...and I probably got away with my life. But I was married to him. 
I wonder if there are certain situations that we give ourselves a way out of our vows. :scratchhead:
Do I regret it...No. (except in God's eye's; morally) And I hurt for the fact that my daughters were young and they went through a lot because the family secret was out. The police where at my house once a month and for his family, this was an embarrassment. 
I did leave for a better man who loved them as his own and is very good to me. Are we perfect, heck no. But we've worked through things and are better for it.


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## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

SF-FAN said:


> Lack of consequences. Back then, if you cheated, you were basically looked like a slvt or home wrecker the rest of your life. Now, a month or so passes and all is forgiven by friends and family. It's pathetic.


I know, HUH? Its the saddest thing ever. So many broken hearts that will never get past the devastation....And for what? A little passion....

YUCK!


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Fvck morals, lady. Stop caring and start consuming.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

chiksam said:


> I think this is a great question. And I think Matt's answer is a good one.
> 
> You've caught me in a moment where I'm pretty sensitive about the cheating issue...and so I'm going to launch into a scathing criticism of the world in response...I apologise in advance
> 
> ...


No Chicksam. You don't sound "bitter" at all *to me*. In fact, you sound very honest and real. Nearly EVERYTHING in your post, I have written about _myself_ in other threads, both on TAM and on other boards. What you've done (for me), is to put it all together in one outstanding post. Good job! :smthumbup:

I also agree with your 'prediction' : 



> ...if it keeps going like this, "relationships" as we know them, will be a thing of the past. We are witnessing the death of "morality"...


It's ironic that we may come full-circle. The world began as _lawless_ and WITHOUT morals. It seems like the more "freedoms" we're granted, the _less_ morals we have. 

Btw...what you've described in your post is how every _narcissist_ thinks. Hmm.....

Vega


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

Love and respect for my spouse is what keep me from cheating. In the background were my morals. All of which apparently didn't stop my ExH from cheating on me several times. I was propositioned to have an affair several times during our marriage by other men. One time was by my ExH's first cousin (more like his brother) while ExH and I were separated. Some people have no morals whatsoever!


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Neither love nor respect have been what kept me faithful. My wife loved and respected me, but still cheated. She liked the extra attention, and thought she wouldn't get caught. What keeps me faithful is my character. I don't cheat. It's not who I am. My honor has more value than that.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: What ever happened to morals???*



Ovid said:


> Neither love nor respect have been what kept me faithful. My wife loved and respected me, but still cheated. She liked the extra attention, and thought she wouldn't get caught. What keeps me faithful is my character. I don't cheat. It's not who I am. My honor has more value than that.


I think it's less a matter of morals and much more a matter of honor. Honor is in short supply nowadays and sorely lacking in most people. I blame the hippie movement. Free love...bah! Anyone in their right mind knows love is not free.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Ardent love and respect for my spouse would be the primary reason; and never wanting to place myself in a position to hurt them.

I'm respectful of the vows that I took, knowing that if I were to knowingly or wittingly violate them, that there's a greater likelihood that one day in the future, that I'll receive the opportunity to stand before God and account for those vows that I took before Him, His Church, to my spouse, to my and her family, friends, and community.

And greatly be placed into the unenviable position of standing moot before Him when asked, "My child: were you lying then, or are you lying now?"*


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## TooBroken (Sep 23, 2013)

The more I read this thread, the more I saw just how close it hit home with me. Morality. The lack thereof.

Why did my WH feel the need to find excitement outside our marriage when he could have had a loving relationship with me. My sex drive was/is high, so it's never been about his not being able to get some lovin' either.

Last night, I made a casual comment to a FB acquaintance, and the next thing I knew he was trying to strike up a flirtation. I cut him off quickly, and I realized how confused the contact had left me. How is it that my alarm bells went off, and I shut that fellow down in a heartbeat, while at the same time my WH was looking to hook up with someone he hadn't been with in 30 years. I thanked the fellow for the compliment in telling me that I was sexy (I actually needed to hear that, but I wish it had been from my husband instead), but told him that I am married. Period. No monkey business. He apologized and left me alone.

So, where the hell have we gone wrong as a society? How have some of us managed to maintain our sense of morality when others so flagrantly throw it off like an old worn out coat?

I tried to wrap my head around the fact that some folks think we should not be a monogamous species. Okay, if that's true, are we breeding ourselves into extinction as the moral beings who are left by not spreading our seed as far and wide as those who thrive on multiple partners? 

I think I'm gonna puke. And I'm even unsure about that. Not sure if it's because I'm coming down with a bug, or if I'm just so sickened by my WH and all the rest of the cheaters that they just make me want to throw up. 

Sorry...this just got me started, and I really had no idea how strong the anger inside had gotten until just now.


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## Silvr Surfer (Sep 25, 2013)

Love is what keeps me from cheating.
Then Morals.


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