# Introducing/discussing porn



## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Many years ago my wife had become mad at me for watching porn. She said that it was no so much that she objects i do it but that I hide it. Now mind you she does not have a problem to me watching racy tv shows to use as masturbatory fodder. In fact when she is not in the mood, and I am, sometimes she will sometimes put on a show that has gratuitously scantily clad men and women. She admits to liking the eye candy and seems to like the latter as much as the former (another story). She has no problem with me relieving myself while watching or if she is inclined she will whip out her boobs for a show. Sometimes she will relieve me orally. In fairness this makes it easy for her as it takes the "job" out of bj as I am 90% there.

I recently mentioned during one of the shows that featured a man flapping in the breeze and she commented at his size. When I asked her if she liked looking at di$% she said she is "ambivalent". This is a strange reaction to me. I would think you either like looking at co%^ or not. I know some of you will say "just ask her" but, I know she was initially or shy about using, admitting to using or admitting how much she liked the toy that I bought her. I am not sure if it is repressed catholic school/double standard crap she grew up with. Though she has alluded to her becoming aroused by the shows we watch on those nights it does not necessarily need to lead for her to have sex.

Ideally, I would like to watch something a little "more" IE straight up porn. But for some reason I am afraid she will see how hard core most of the stuff is (on youporn). So I am a little uncomfortable. I am not sure it I feel like she will judge me or if seeing the kinds of things I watch may surface something objectionable and she may NOT want me to watch certain things. Right now it is don't ask don't tell..

I am looking to understand women. I mean can you NOT be in the mood, but enjoy watching shows like I mention without any expectation that you will have sex? I mean for a man, if he is aroused at some point he will be driven to cum. Are there women that enjoys/seek out to be aroused without any intention of orgasm. Is there pleasure in the arousal alone.

I would appreciate any feedback from others who have experimented with porn. If there was initial hesitation on the female part etc. I should point out I can see some women, my wife included that may feel insecure given female porn star's bodies. Would it make a difference or less threating if it were ones that focused on the male anatomy...etc...

Thanks in advance for helping me out.

Edit: It is not that I necessarily need to watch hardcore. I would be fine with material that was just visually stimulating. I am not really aroused by 50 shades type stuff and or audible or written erotica.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

think positive said:


> Many years ago my wife had become mad at me for watching porn. She said that it was no so much that she objects i do it but that I hide it. Now mind you she does not have a problem to me watching racy tv shows to use as masturbatory fodder. In fact when she is not in the mood, and I am, sometimes she will sometimes put on a show that has gratuitously scantily clad men and women. She admits to liking the eye candy and seems to like the latter as much as the former (another story). She has no problem with me relieving myself while watching or if she is inclined she will whip out her boobs for a show. Sometimes she will relieve me orally. In fairness this makes it easy for her as it takes the "job" out of bj as I am 90% there.
> 
> I recently mentioned during one of the shows that featured a man flapping in the breeze and she commented at his size. When I asked her if she liked looking at di$% she said she is "ambivalent". This is a strange reaction to me. I would think you either like looking at co%^ or not. I know some of you will say "just ask her" but, I know she was initially or shy about using, admitting to using or admitting how much she liked the toy that I bought her. I am not sure if it is repressed catholic school/double standard crap she grew up with. Though she has alluded to her becoming aroused by the shows we watch on those nights it does not necessarily need to lead for her to have sex.
> 
> ...


My wife is fine with porn, doesn't care if I watch it and she watches it herself from time to time. She more prefers shows or movies that are based more on a story or reality to straight pornhub stuff. She is more into woman focused stuff too, she fast forwards through the BJs in fact she often gravitates towards lesbian stuff if she's watching porn. Basically she finds the Porn girls sexy and the porn guys nasty. 

All women are different but my wife likes being aroused so she does from time to time watch a little porn at a random time of day if she is feeling a little horny and anticipates sex later. Sometimes she'll hop in the shower with me to makeout get herself all hot and bothered and then go about business. Thats fun because it makes the arousal and anticipation remain in the air throughout the day.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Well son, I hope you have a really thick skin for what's coming.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

think positive said:


> Many years ago my wife had become mad at me for watching porn. She said that it was no so much that she objects i do it but that I hide it.





think positive said:


> Right now it is don't ask don't tell


So which is it? Are you _sure _she doesn't care about your porn use anymore, or have you just assumed that?



think positive said:


> I am afraid she will see how hard core most of the stuff is (on youporn). So I am a little uncomfortable. I am not sure it I feel like she will judge me or if seeing the kinds of things I watch may surface something objectionable and she may NOT want me to watch certain things.


Well, if you are still into anal play on men and watching large ****s cumming, then no she probably won't be a fan seeing as she wasn't interested in it before.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Why do you use porn? Why do you go to the hardcore stuff? Are you looking to justify your use by hoping your wife will like it too? Just trying to understand what your goal in posting is.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

think positive said:


> I would appreciate any feedback from others who have experimented with porn. If there was initial hesitation on the female part etc.


Once you learn to be completely open and honest with your spouse about everything, you'll eventually learn that porn tends to thrive on shame and guilt. You will let go of those things and you will see porn for what it really is. Mostly fake/fantasy and craving for your attention. 

You'll perhaps come across some folks that you know that make porn and if you accuse them of being fake, they will get all offended. They get offended because they thrive off of showing off to others and they don't want you to know that what they are showing off is fake and that they only get off on all the attention. 

Imagine if hardcore porn were allowed on all the mainstream social media sites. Everyone would use filters and special effects. This one year they would come up with a "gender swap" filter (much like face swap) and it would become all the rage. 

At the end of the day it is all fake and just people craving for your attention or money. Once you see that it is all fairly boring and the novelty quickly wears off. If you can be yourself and completely so with your spouse, you will hopefully learn what real intimacy is like and everything you see in porn will pale in comparison. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

badsanta said:


> Once you learn to be completely open and honest with your spouse about everything, you'll eventually learn that porn tends to thrive on shame and guilt. You will let go of those things and you will see porn for what it really is. Mostly fake/fantasy and craving for your attention.
> 
> You'll perhaps come across some folks that you know that make porn and if you accuse them of being fake, they will get all offended. They get offended because they thrive off of showing off to others and they don't want you to know that what they are showing off is fake and that they only get off on all the attention.
> 
> ...


Porn also is the primary fuel for sex trafficking. The majority of what is out there are not people that are doing it willingly.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your thinking that female sexuality is the same as male sexuality. My wife can appreciate watching and enjoying sex scene stuff in movies and appreciate it for what it is without the need to have sex.
Porn stuff ... be honest with your wife about it otherwise it’s just a guilt ticket. Honestly most porn is terrible and i find it tough to find nice amateur stuff where the couple looks like they really like one another. All the female disrespect stuff is such a turn off.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

think positive said:


> Many years ago my wife had become mad at me for watching porn. She said that it was no so much that she objects i do it but that I hide it. Now mind you she does not have a problem to me watching racy tv shows to use as masturbatory fodder. In fact when she is not in the mood, and I am, sometimes she will sometimes put on a show that has gratuitously scantily clad men and women. She admits to liking the eye candy and seems to like the latter as much as the former (another story). She has no problem with me relieving myself while watching or if she is inclined she will whip out her boobs for a show. Sometimes she will relieve me orally. In fairness this makes it easy for her as it takes the "job" out of bj as I am 90% there.
> 
> I recently mentioned during one of the shows that featured a man flapping in the breeze and she commented at his size. When I asked her if she liked looking at di$% she said she is "ambivalent". This is a strange reaction to me. I would think you either like looking at co%^ or not. I know some of you will say "just ask her" but, I know she was initially or shy about using, admitting to using or admitting how much she liked the toy that I bought her. I am not sure if it is repressed catholic school/double standard crap she grew up with. Though she has alluded to her becoming aroused by the shows we watch on those nights it does not necessarily need to lead for her to have sex.
> 
> ...


What about asking her for photos or vid clips that you can use instead of looking at pics of other women? Do you think if she agreed the whole thing would have the same effect on you as those other women? if yes then all well and good you have limitless access as long as your laptop is not stolen. You cannot put the pics on your phone because you may lose your phone. 

If it is not the same as looking at the other women, then it is cheating and that is why a lot of women object. 

I personally think if I noticed a man who has a large one, I would look again but I do not think it is in the context of excitement but more of curiosity the same ways as I always look again when I see an unusually talk, short, beautiful, hairy, fat, skinny, weedy, person.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

AndStilliRise said:


> Porn also is the primary fuel for sex trafficking. The majority of what is out there are not people that are doing it willingly.


While that is true, the porn industry is big business and has recently started doing a better job. After Visa and Mastercard withdrew services from an adult site, they decided to purge close to 10 million videos and now limit content to verified models and contributors only.









Pornhub Just Purged All Unverified Content From the Platform


After changing its policies to ban unverified uploaders and Mastercard and Visa's decision to drop the platform entirely, Pornhub has removed millions of videos.




www.vice.com





While there are still going to be exceptions and issues, at least the industry is starting the clean up its act. This should begin to help those like OP to have a safer experience and discussion with his spouse about porn without unintentionally harming someone by viewing problematic content.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

badsanta said:


> While that is true, the porn industry is big business and has recently started doing a better job. After Visa and Mastercard withdrew services from an adult site, they decided to purge close to 10 million videos and now limit content to verified models and contributors only.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Saying porn and cleaning up their act in one sentence seems weird to me. There will always be those who were sexually damaged and abused taking part in porn, no one with any real self respect would be in porn, plus they are all someones loved one no matter what. Even if they take part vountarily, I bet many are damaged in some way.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Saying porn and cleaning up their act in one sentence seems weird to me.


ABC news recently did a segment on the industry that talks about how things are changing:









Selling sexy: The men and women of OnlyFans discuss reality behind the scenes


"They feel like we can't possibly have self-love," one user said. "We're confident in our bodies. So, we are putting it out there and we're making money doing it.”




abcnews.go.com





In my opinion if the OP wants to use "erotic media" to enhance things in his relationship, I would suggest first trying written content such as erotic stories. This type of content (like the book 50 Shades) can be created with someone's imagination and done without the risk of harming any actors or models. Reading a book also encourages one to imagine and fantasize which stimulates the brain to create its own sexual energy as opposed to passively resonating with something on screen. Watching porn makes the sexual portion of the brain lazy and dependent while read porn exercises one's fantasies and makes it more independent. 

In between those two would be erotic audio. Somewhat like an audio book, there is a great deal of this content out there as well. In my opinion this likely much less likely to harm a model/actor than a producing video content. 

So if the OP wants to use porn I would suggest the following:

SAFEST = Book
LIKELY SAFE = Erotic Audio
MAY BE HARMFUL TO PERFORMERS = Video


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

A while back, I discussed some dirty fantasies with my wife. Not stuff we would do in real life, but masturbatory fantasy stuff. It took a while for her to be completely honest with me on this stuff

basically, some fantasies she had are downright filthy, and very pornographic. Which is totally fine--it isn't stuff she is going to go out and do. It was stuff like getting ganbanged by a few dudes in a dark nightclub or being initiated into a sex cult. Her fantasies were even dirtier than mine.

She also told me a number of her friends had fantasies that were easily as racy if not even more so.

So ladies please, stop trying to pretend you don't have voyeuristic impulses, enjoy erotic fiction, and have dirty minds. You do, and that's totally cool. I was turned on by this stuff when my wife told me.

Girls went crazy over the series "Spartacus" and all the wild sex in there. It was like porn for women

Now whether or not the porn industry is a bad thing is a different topic altogether. But if you can find some erotic material that you know is OK, watch it (or read it) with your spouse, in order to spice things up.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Manner1067 said:


> So ladies please, stop trying to pretend you don't have voyeuristic impulses, enjoy erotic fiction, and have dirty minds. You do, and that's totally cool. I was turned on by this stuff when my wife told me.
> 
> Girls went crazy over the series "Spartacus" and all the wild sex in there. It was like porn for women


Bwahahahaha. Mmmkay.


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Mr.Married said:


> Your thinking that female sexuality is the same as male sexuality. My wife can appreciate watching and enjoying sex scene stuff in movies and appreciate it for what it is without the need to have sex.
> Porn stuff ... be honest with your wife about it otherwise it’s just a guilt ticket. Honestly most porn is terrible and i find it tough to find nice amateur stuff where the couple looks like they really like one another. All the female disrespect stuff is such a turn off.


I appreciate what you are saying. I recognize women are not the same as men otherwise this would not be such a debated, popular subject on this forum. 

Agreed most of it is terrible but, I am not looking for oscar material. I can appreciate fakeness in mainstream cinama and in porn. 

Agreed, some is disrespectful and agreed...not good.


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