# Is it a dealbreaker if the guy is too skinny?



## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

I'm a 21 year old guy, 5'7 in height and I weigh 116 pounds last time I checked. I'm not anorexic or anything. I have recentley started weight training but I don't think I'm ever going to become stocky.

Most people don't notice that I weigh this little. A couple of persons have said that it looks like I weigh 20 pounds more than I do when I revealed my weight. This might be because I almost always wear a hoody sweater though.

But if I wear to undress one would notice that I'm very skinny. Is this a dealbreaker for women? Would you be turned off if the guy you where dating was my height and weight?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'd be turned off, but I'm a guy...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's a deal breaker for some. It's a turn on for others. Find a woman who's into you the way you are.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

It would for me as I prefer stocky men, I don't like weighing more than my boyfriend/husband.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Do you have any problem with petite women, let's say 90 lb and 5'2"?


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Never mind *you *being skinny, being the deal breaker. I would more than likely break you. I'm sort of a chunky kind of girl is why. 

But someone being skinny would not be a deal breaker if someone else is into them for them, and not their body.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

People worth getting naked with will be more interested in you than your weight. Your weight, your face, your hair color, are all going to change. You will still be you. Hunt around till you find someone who loves YOU and they will find you attractive whether you're young, old, skinny, fat, or have both legs blown off. The ones who would pass you by over a few pounds aren't worth your time.


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## GrannyMildew (Aug 15, 2013)

I agree with both Working on Me and Unbelievable. Myself, I am now 4'11" and 105- 110# depending on the day. I've always been a sucker for a tall guy, broad, strong shoulders and large hands. Hubby- my ONLY- is 6'2 and in his "older age" weighs 210# with big, broad shoulders and large hands and green eyes that still make me melt. 

Have 3 daughters, all of whom have their own idea of perfection- including one son- in - law that sounds EXACTLY like you!

So, We all have our own idea of attractive, and I'm certain there are a gaggle of women out there, whom to them, you are the cat's meow! So keep up with the exercise and weights, it's all healthy -and wait for Miss Right to come along and be still her heart! 


Best wishes to you!


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Tall and broad and a shouldered man? Yep. He works too.


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## pixie1 (Sep 27, 2014)

My husband was 27 and 6 foot tall and 130 lbs when we married. He is now 200 lbs and still thinks his legs are skinny. 

A woman in love does not see perceived imperfections, just the beauty of her lovers body.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Do you have any problem with petite women, let's say 90 lb and 5'2"?


The problem I always had with this kind of women was that there were never enough of them.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Taken from another end, do you want to be bigger? I graduated HS at 120-130 lbs at 5'8. By time college was done, I was about 170 lbs and 5'-10. I lifted weights and ate everything in site.

Now, in my mid 40's, in the offseason I am around 225-230 lbs. At competition time (body building shows), I am around 195 lbs and sub 5% fat. 

If you want to get bigger, you can. It will just take a lot of time and a lot of eating.

If you don't want to get bigger, find a lady who likes you for who you are. No need to change, unless you want to.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

The advice here is lovely. 

I just wish it were the same for women as it seems to be for men.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

always_alone said:


> The advice here is lovely.
> 
> I just wish it were the same for women as it seems to be for men.


Is it a deal breaker if the woman is too skinny? 

This is one of those questions that hits kind of close to me. I am 5'7" and 145 lbs. I am 42 years old. I am in very good shape, not bulky, but lean. At my heaviest, I weighed 160, and that was only because of weight training when I was a competitive swimmer and gymnast.

My wife and I actually got into it a bit this weekend when she called me scrawny again. I didn't really care for that. One of the first things out of her mouth the first time we ever hugged was her pointing out how scrawny I am.

Anyway, we hashed it out a bit and the real root of it is not that she finds anything wrong with me at all...she finds my lean, toned golden tricycle quite attractive, irresistibly so, and that her using that language is more an indictment of how she feels about herself. I asked her if I have ever even remotely made her feel anything less than physically perfect in my eyes, and she said no, if anything, making her feel perfect is an understatement. She does not weigh as much as I do, but is closer to me in weight than she has ever been with any partner she has ever had.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

116 at 5'7 does sound awfully thin.. 

Me personally I only go for lanky men.. big muscles turn me off ...I even fast forward this in porn...if their thighs are bigger than my stomach / muscles bigger than *my* thighs... YUCK ! 

My H is 5'10 at 150... he thinks he is too thin .. but I LIKE IT ! Similar to Samyeagar I think the most he weighed ever might have been 160 something in his life.

All depends on the woman..

This guys body does NOTHING for me..too much BULK...







...starts looking like a machine...good looking face though!


But this lanky handy man.. mmm mmmm ! >>


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

In college my weight was 123 pounds at 6 feet. It didn't make a difference with the women as far as I could tell. I was called up for a pre-induction physical for Vietnam, but they wanted at least 132 pounds at 6 feet. By the way, at age 74 I take only one prescription drug that is for a mild glaucoma, which is well controlled, and my blood pressure is like that of a 25 year old. If I go to one of those web sites that estimates how long I am likely to live, I get 90 years old. I am not sure if being skinny is the reason.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

If you're weight lifting, do free weights. Machines do almost nothing for you. See a trainer and learn how to lift correctly. Increase weight slowly and steadily. Have a plan for each muscle group. You will gain muscle. The harder you work, the more you'll benefit.

Do a lot of chin ups too. Build up on them. They develop your pretty muscles. Do 3 sets of chin ups, Do as many as you can each set. Burn your muscles out on chin-ups. Goal is to do 30-40 per set. That won't happen all at once. Change your grip and width on the bar too. Work out 3 or 4 times a week. 1-2 hours per session. 

Diet. Zero junk food. Eat well, eat anything but junk.

You'll look like lanky man above inside a year. 

(Join the Marines, you'll look like that in three months, but you won't care or notice as you'll be the toughest guy on the planet).


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

always_alone said:


> The advice here is lovely.
> 
> I just wish it were the same for women as it seems to be for men.


Awe, come on - give us a try!


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

Q tip said:


> Awe, come on - give us a try!


Yes, try match.com or if you are more serious about marriage, try eharmoney.com. These cost money, but you get away from people in foreign countries trying to run a scam. If you want free try  pof.com. pof.com also has a forum that is good. You really must be honest on these dating web sites because they will eventually find out if you are not telling the truth. Get a clear picture of yourself in a bathing suit maybe doing something athletic (lifting weights?). Also just a head shot, perhaps by a professional photographer. Get a few more interesting photos that show something about yourself. Try not to have anyone else in these photos as that is distracting. Write up some kind of autobiography. If you want help on that, you can post your profile on pof.com and then ask for help here: pof.com profile Reviews chat and forums and use it on other sites like match.com The dating web sites also have tutorials on how to write a profile without paying money.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There are billions of people on earth. Whatever you look like, you look like someone's idea of perfection right this very minute. Whatever you look like could entirely change before this day is over, so it makes little sense to make that a primary focus. Folks who fixate on the exterior are investing in something pretty cheap, very fragile, and they are almost guaranteed to be disappointed in the long run. A pretty wrapper can hide a whole mess of ugly. A plain wrapper can hide some pretty awesome gifts. I'd suggest looking at others the way God sees us, the way babies, parents, and dogs see us. If someone's heart is right, they are beautiful.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

intheory said:


> OP,
> 
> Please don't change to suit someone else. Or society's ideals on what you're "supposed" to look like.
> 
> ...


Yeah I know I won't become really muscular or stocky or anything like that. Ideally I'd like to weigh around 130 to 140 pounds, thats a pretty "normal" weight for guys my height. 

A couple of years back I did weigh around 125 pounds. I ate ALOT of sandwiches between every meal even when I wasn't hungry just to gain weight. But eventually I got tired of always eating... and when I stopped I lost weight again. It seems really difficult for me just to gain a little bit of weight.

And the weird thing is its not genetic. My father and older brother are both big guys.


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

Don't forget chemistry: Human pheromones: people sniffing out potential mates.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

You're only 21. Once you hit your 30's you'll pack on more weight.

You're a hard gainer. I was a hard gainer too, but not as extreme as yourself. You can put weight on, but you'll have to work to keep it on.

Eat every 3 hours, ie: 6am meal, 9am snack, noon meal, 3pm snack, 6pm meal, 9pm snack.

Work out regularly, concentrating on weights, with very little cardio. 

Use supplements like whey protein and isolate throughout the day, but try to eat your calories where you can. Eggs and milk are great cheap sources of protein.

You won't get huge over night. To add one inch of muscle will take a very long time and dedication, but if you are ripped, six-pack, shredded shoulders and arms, you'll please a lot of women your age. 

Also, don't forget your legs and back. Most small guys forget these critical areas and only focus on the upper body. You NEED to have a day of legs and back for a strong foundation. A tree is only as strong as it's roots, and don't forget that your back is a part of your core.

If you are self-conscience of your physique and a bit embarrassed (you mentioned always wearing a baggy hoodie), get yourself P90x (1hr a day) or P90X3 (30 minutes a day) for home fitness. You just put in the DVD and do what he tells you to do. 

Eat well, sleep well, and when you feel pain you know it's working.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

SA, that guy needs to put his tool back in his belt.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

I'm gonna be honest here, I personally am not keen on skinny men, call me shallow if you want but that's just my personal preference, I like my man to have a bit on meat on his bones.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Can you take a shower without getting wet?


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

Men are visual, they like attractive women. So, women make an effort to be good looking. However, if you read here what women say is attractive in a man, it's not about looks. Wanting to be heavier and muscular is applying the same visual criteria of attraction that men have when looking at a woman to what a man thinks a woman does when she looks a man. Most women are not visual like that, or if they are, I think there are other attractants going on. If a woman seems interested, forget about how you think your body is attractive or not. Entertain her. If she responds, give her a touch on the shoulder. If signs are positive, eventually give her a hug. Pay attention to her and let things flow naturally. My next thought may be controversial, but hold off on anything sexual because that short circuits the intellectual part of the mind that is trying to assess whether a woman would make a good mate. Do you have major differences on right and wrong, God, truthfulness, kindness, work value, fidelity, money, children, what you want from life. Is there respect to others because eventually respect for you is impacted. Is there sexual attraction and how much, pheromones. You want intimacy. Can you talk about money and hear each others expectations. Also, there may be a desire for the other person to provide some missing subconscious need from ones past. Try to keep the intellect engaged. Do not be carried away with the physical part of the relationship.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Westwind said:


> Men are visual, they like attractive women. So, women make an effort to be good looking. However, if you read here what women say is attractive in a man, it's not about looks. Wanting to be heavier and muscular is applying the same visual criteria of attraction that men have when looking at a woman to what a man thinks a woman does when she looks a man. Most women are not visual like that, or if they are, I think there are other attractants going on.


A. There is actually no evidence that "men are more visual than women". This is simply something people tell each other and it was originally something men said to justify their desire to look at naked women...while at the same time they did not want to believe women had the same desire.

B. Not all women here are saying looks don't matter. They matter very much to me...including height, weight, muscles, overall appearance, skin tone, good teeth, good hair, and many other physical traits.

C. It is true that some women will not apply a criteria of any specific physical traits...but to say MOST women "are not visual like that" is not true. Even women who would not classify height or weight as important to them, might never consider seeing a man she didn't find attractive in the face, for instance.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

"More visual" is an unfortunate choice of words.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Who ever started this "women are not as visual as men" thing is just so wrong. Physical attraction is super important here, personally I like tall, well built, broad shoulders types. Not overly muscular like a weight lifter type as that actually turns me off.

Skinny is not my thing, I like a man that can wrap his arms around me and squash me, pick me up and throw me on the bed, pin me down and dominate me. Skinny is not appealing to me but everyone is different OP, us women are individuals and have different traits we are attracted to. Own who you are and the right woman will respond well to that.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

There are differences in visualization and spatial perception between genders... Those have been attributed to all kinds of reasons from evolution and hunter gatherer type roots to testosterone to larger brain size and larger visual cortex, to young boys more likely involvement in sports etc.

Likewise, women have the edge over men on verbal performance... And lots of plausible explanations there too.

Whether the impact of those differences translates to different models of attraction is a different story.

If I had to bet I would say that about equal men and women pair with visually, ehem, uninteresting partners. But for different reasons.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> A. There is actually no evidence that "men are more visual than women". This is simply something people tell each other and it was originally something men said to justify their desire to look at naked women...while at the same time they did not want to believe women had the same desire.
> 
> B. Not all women here are saying looks don't matter. They matter very much to me...including height, weight, muscles, overall appearance, skin tone, good teeth, good hair, and many other physical traits.
> 
> C. It is true that some women will not apply a criteria of any specific physical traits...but to say MOST women "are not visual like that" is not true. Even women who would not classify height or weight as important to them, might never consider seeing a man she didn't find attractive in the face, for instance.


A. Statistically more often men put a higher priority on physical certain attractiveness than women do? If you're a women who puts a high priority on looks then you likely understand the opposite sex better than many others and you're lucky.

B and C ? You're probably right FW. It's usually not as black/white as we think.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Cletus said:


> The problem I always had with this kind of women was that there were never enough of them.


I don't think you are looking in the right places Cletus. There are places in the world where people are, on average, smaller than Americans. They are even here in the US in large numbers. The Op just needs to find one woman who appeals to him visually and emotionally. 

I think the OP is too focused on what he thinks he does not have to see the opportunities that are right in front of him. It's a lack of confidence, not a lack of enough petite women.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I believe women are as attracted to what they consider a visual ideal as men. They are not as verbal as men about it but actions speak louder than words. Good looking celebrities are popular because of visual appeal. Good looking young men have an easier time getting women than average looking men. Couples are often equally matched in looks. 

Being visually attracted to an ideal image is not a bad thing. It's like living in a house you love but admiring a more beautiful one.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> A. *Statistically more often men put a higher priority on physical certain attractiveness than women do*? If you're a women who puts a high priority on looks then you likely understand the opposite sex better than many others and you're lucky.
> 
> B and C ? You're probably right FW. It's usually not as black/white as we think.


The bolded is simply one of those things MEN believe is true and then MEN go about finding research to prove the thing they already believe is true.

If you actually look for hard evidence of it in science, you won't find it except in evo-pysche, which isn't actually science.

Women put plenty high priority on physical attractiveness, trust me. It is just that men think THEY get to decide what women find attractive and if it doesn't fall within the range of what they already believe is attractive on a man, then they assume it was some other thing about the man that attracted her.

Example: I have a friend who is madly attracted to a man who is 5'3" and weighs about 130. She is PHYSICALLY attracted to him. (I've seen him and I gotta say, he's very hot in his way). Yet because of his size, most people assume she is attracted to his mind. She is ALSO attracted to his mind. But first she was attracted to him physically.

Who we are physically attracted to will always be an individual thing. It is when people start slicing up the population into "these people are attractive and these people are not" and then try to apply this to EVERYONE that there are problems understanding who people are truly attracted to.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> The bolded is simply one of those things MEN believe is true and then MEN go about finding research to prove the thing they already believe is true.
> 
> If you actually look for hard evidence of it in science, you won't find it except in evo-pysche, which isn't actually science.


You could knock me over with a feather if there wasn't hard evidence that men were, in the ensemble, more visual than women _sexually_.

I certainly remember laboratory studies that showed that women get physically aroused by pornography at rates similar to men, when measured with intra-vaginal probes and such. But they also self report finding visual sexual stimuli to be much less arousing than do men. So there seems to be a disconnect between what their autonomic nervous system thinks and what their higher brain function thinks.

But truly, even the most casual observer can distinguish that most visual pornography is made for the benefit of men. The economics of the situation don't lie - there does not seem to be nearly the huge untapped population of women out there who want to watch sexual acts, even in a more female friendly delivery that would be expected if men and women were the same in this regard. 

My wife says I look best in a nice suit. I say she looks best in her birthday suit. The average man will make every conceivable effort to see nekkid women, from the day he hits puberty to the day they put him in the ground.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

I'm skinny, about 6 feet and 135-140lbs. I've done alright with the ladies. My biggest problem was confidence. I did get married. Since marriage, I've had one beautiful girl express interest in me, and another with her friend wanted to drag me and my friend off, both in the past year. It's all about how you present yourself and your personality. Yea some woman don't like skinny guys, some do. I have my own preferences so I can't judge. If I became single again, and that could happen but that's another story, I have full confidence I could attract women. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> A. Statistically more often men put a higher priority on physical certain attractiveness than women do? If you're a women who puts a high priority on looks then you likely understand the opposite sex better than many others and you're lucky.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Physical attractiveness as defined by a photo is something men prioritize higher than women (on average)? You could say men are more shallow in this regard.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Cletus said:


> You could knock me over with a feather if there wasn't hard evidence that men were, in the ensemble, more visual than women _sexually_.
> 
> I certainly remember laboratory studies that showed that women get physically aroused by pornography at rates similar to men, when measured with intra-vaginal probes and such. But they also self report finding visual sexual stimuli to be much less arousing than do men. So there seems to be a disconnect between what their autonomic nervous system thinks and what their higher brain function thinks.
> 
> ...


Women look at naked men. It may not consume as much time and money.

I'll be honest because I don't know if it's just me and my psychopathy or if it's normal. I guess thats my question.

I have never completely shared my fantasies, likes and dislikes and feelings about my sexuality. It's almost a reflex. I am not strong enough risk disappointing or dealing with the possibility of destabilizing strongly held beliefs in my personal relationship.

I hear what men say about what I should feel, think, want and do as a woman. Am I a freak because I am so far outside of what they think I am or should be? Where do they get this info and why are they so convinced that it applies so universally. I can't find the authoritative source of these widely held beliefs.

No man has ever made what I consider a sincere effort to find out what I feel. I don't feel allowed to say even when asked. There are a number of women who are being honest about what they feel ion this thread. But they are ignored or assumed to be outliers or told they don't really feel the way they do. The back and forth is a reflection of the don't ask don't tell dynamic IRL.

In my experience, when I am asked what I want, or think or feel, the query seems to be the stem of a multiple choice question minus the choices. I need to find out what I am expected to say that conforms to what is already being offered or wanted or believed. 

There is a narrow path that I feel I am treading and my balance is tenuous at best. I can't use myself as a guide. I need to know where it's safe to step and where the hazards are located. I am certain that men feel the same strictures in their prescribed roles.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

How about you telling him your needs rather than him having to delve it via questions?

People are not THAT difficult to read. If someone you've lived with for a few years can't figure out the basics, you need to start communicating more and in a more effective way.

Next week I have a $100M customer demo and I have worked with a different team than my usual for a few months. It's day and night. I have to explain every little nuance in longhand. What the duck? How did those people get the titles?

Yet that's where I am with my wife of 3 decades. Everything is getting to the point of spelling it out. Not good.

Don't wait to become like that. Communicate - clearly and honestly - about what's going on without b!tching about it. It's an art but has stunning results! 

Just be yourself without the concerns.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

always_alone said:


> I just wish it were the same for women as it seems to be for men.


Oh, it is in real life, don't worry about that! Media, magazines, movies, etc all portray a general sameness with women, especially when they are meant to play an "attractive" role.

Men aren't as fickle as you think, for the most part. Especially when we're no longer stupid teenagers/early 20-somethings. I'd honestly guess that just as many (few?) men have an idea of perfection as women do, and don't like to go outside of that zone. The rest of us can't be bothered to pigeonhole ourselves. Sexy is sexy.

My ex wife was 4'11" and 100lbs. Current wife is 5'7" and 195lbs (now 155). An ex girlfriend of mine was 5'3"ish and skin and bones. All of them were/are sexy to me.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cletus said:


> You could knock me over with a feather if there wasn't hard evidence that men were, in the ensemble, more visual than women _sexually_.
> 
> I certainly remember laboratory studies that showed that women get physically aroused by pornography at rates similar to men, when measured with intra-vaginal probes and such. But they also self report finding visual sexual stimuli to be much less arousing than do men. *So there seems to be a disconnect between what their autonomic nervous system thinks and what their higher brain function thinks.*
> 
> ...


Bolded part number one: this is being shown to be true only because in the past women were always discouraged from expressing their sexuality whereas men were not.

Bolded part number two: as we watch the current generations rise up and take over the world, we will also see the women watching as much and producing as much porn as men do. What they find when they look into the disparity between men and women watching porn is that it is only due to what is expected of people and how we raise boys versus girls that causes the difference in who watches what.

Bolded part number three: again, this is simply what you think and feel based on what you have seen of the world. Younger women will not be shamed for their sexuality and therefore will express it just as men do once the world stops pushing those old beliefs on us.

Trust me that I have felt the same since puberty as well. But since the world around me didn't fill me with messages such as "of course you want to see nekkid people, that is only natural as you are a sexual being". A man, he does get filled with that message. "Of course you want to see nekkid people, it is natural". And please don't specify that he only wants to see nekkid women, since you pointed it out already, most of the porn that exists right now has a lot of peens in it, which men are watching and enjoying.

What if men just let it go? What if they just said to themselves and each other "Huh, yeah maybe women have felt repressed and unable to speak and act out on what they want and therefore they just hushed it all down so they wouldn't be shamed...and maybe if we stop doing that they will be free to show us what they really do want?"

This is in fact happening right now with very young women.

And what they are showing that what they want is the same thing men want.

(But don't get me wrong, Cletus...I'm not saying all women and I'm certainly not saying your wife is secretly watching porn...some people, both men and women, are just not that sexual...however in your wife's case, I think the shaming I'm talking about was certainly part of how she developed in her youth and is there for all time, never to be separated from her actual libido, so it will never be known if she is truly LD or was made that way by negative messages).


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here's Laci Green (sex educator for the younger generations) and her take on porn:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg4SGWNQSAs


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Bolded part number one: this is being shown to be true only because in the past women were always discouraged from expressing their sexuality whereas men were not.


Baumeister _et al_ have pointed out that social shaming _vis-à-vis_ masturbation has historically been directed very strongly at boys and young men, (e.g. You'll go blind; You'll become feeble minded; You'll become homosexual, etc.) so I don't think I'd agree completely with the, "..men were not." part.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok let me word it differently Ocotillo...because it is true that everyone has been shamed about their sexuality in various ways, in the past at least.

Men were shamed BECAUSE they have sexuality, feel sexual urges, want to see naked people and want to have sex.

Women were shamed IF they had sexuality, felt sexual urges, wanted to see naked people or wanted to have sex.

Notice that men were assumed to have sexuality and women were not. This is something women KNOW and understand as they are growing up. Adults are afraid their young girls WILL have ANY sexuality and they set up lots of barriers to it ever existing. The fact that these young girls will most certainly have sexuality is then a complete confusion to the girls themselves...and they know for sure they need to hide it from adults. They see clear examples of what happens to women who have any sexuality (they are sl*t shamed).

For young boys it is totally different. They are told to control themselves, that they are too sexual, that they should feel ashamed for "who they are" because they are sexual. This is obviously NOT good for young boys and men and I'm totally against it. But can you at least see how a young man knows he is expected to want to view porn, but a young woman is not only expected not to, but if she does, she is "abnormal" and "unacceptable" according to the shameful society rules? Whereas the young man is simply unable to control his natural desires if he looks at porn.

These shameful shaming tactics are getting much better now, precisely because young people won't take sh*t from adults who don't know anything about real sexuality anymore.

Because I am a sex blogger, I get to read a lot about this kind of stuff. There are so many people busting out from these old outdated ideas. One of which is that women don't watch or like porn. They do. They are just only now able to do so and say so. Now that women's sexuality is not so scary to men and men are no longer trying to control women (as much), women are free to be who they ALWAYS were but were told to never admit it.

I've told the story before about how pissed I used to feel about the fact that my older brother was led by the hand to the secret stash of porn mags by our older male relatives, given a pat on the head and said "of course you want to see these". Whereas I had to dig the stuff up all by myself, with no one patting my head making sure I felt normal and knowing all the while what I was doing was "wrong" but when my brother did it, it was expected. This is how it was for most women like me (who have a normal or high sex drive).


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Here's Laci Green (sex educator for the younger generations) and her take on porn:



Sex educator.... Hmmm. Where do I sign up


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

john117 said:


> Sex educator.... Hmmm. Where do I sign up



She seems to stereotype porn based on a lot of vhs tapes from the 80s. Someone should let her know that Ron Jeremy has retired.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

On second thought porn from the 80's is much better than porn from today... 

Sylvia Kristel forever


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Moops said:


> Yeah I know I won't become really muscular or stocky or anything like that. Ideally I'd like to weigh around 130 to 140 pounds, thats a pretty "normal" weight for guys my height.
> 
> A couple of years back I did weigh around 125 pounds. I ate ALOT of sandwiches between every meal even when I wasn't hungry just to gain weight. But eventually I got tired of always eating... and when I stopped I lost weight again. It seems really difficult for me just to gain a little bit of weight.
> 
> And the weird thing is its not genetic. My father and older brother are both big guys.


So you have a high metabolism, nothing wrong with that. Don't try to change your body into what you think the world sees as "ideal" because it will only cause you frustration and pain. 

Personally, I like thin men, guys who are in shape. Health is important to me. I would much rather be with a thin man than one who is overweight. My husband was like you at your age. High metabolism and doesn't gain weight easily. Now that he is older, he has put on more weight and that's fine, as he is still healthy(average weight now, not as super thin). 

The right woman will find you attractive as is. Confidence is a big turn on, so learn to feel great in your own skin.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> A. There is actually no evidence that "men are more visual than women". This is simply something people tell each other and it was originally something men said to justify their desire to look at naked women...while at the same time they did not want to believe women had the same desire.
> 
> B. Not all women here are saying looks don't matter. They matter very much to me...including height, weight, muscles, overall appearance, skin tone, good teeth, good hair, and many other physical traits.
> 
> C. It is true that some women will not apply a criteria of any specific physical traits...but to say MOST women "are not visual like that" is not true. Even women who would not classify height or weight as important to them, might never consider seeing a man she didn't find attractive in the face, for instance.


This.

Lots of guys need to cling to the delusion that women aren't THAT interested in looks and (gasp!) penis size. It's a lot easier to place pressure on women to measure up physically while creating an myth that women aren't very visual, thus we don't have to abide by the same standards.

I can tell you from personal experience what a load of bunk that is. Having been overweight, obese, and fit within "normal" weight standards, the attention I get from women radically changes across the board. And I'm talking before I even open my mouth, thus negating personality changes as the cause.

Plenty of men get it, but in my experience a lot of guys need to believe that if they're funny, charming, or "nice", it'll be enough to bag a woman who is "out of their league" simply because women, after all, aren't nearly as visual as men.

Bullocks. Most conventionally hot/beautiful/gorgeous/sexy women are with men who are comparable in looks. Picking out the exceptions doesn't obliterate the rule.

As a general rule most human beings end up in relationships with people of comparable attraction levels. That is the great equalizer that allows average to below average people to have plenty of selection. 

Doesn't mean that lots of women still aren't snatched up by the visuals of a hot guy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Maybe the mistaken belief originates from misinterpretation of behavior and selective hearing. 

Some women can and do have receptive sex with a person that is far from their ideal. I don't think men can do that? Looks matter to women but it may show in the quality, and quantity of the sex they desire.

In addition, pop culture ignores evidence contradicting the belief. Women seem far less verbal and more active about preferences. I wonder what the reaction would be if women verbalized their ideal physical preferences as loudly as men.


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

There are all kinds of likes and tastes. There are definitely women who like skinny men, and there is someone out there for you.

The most attractive thing to most women is a man who is confident. Be confident in your body and your ability as a man and you will find a woman who finds you attractive.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Some women can and do have receptive sex with a person that is far from their ideal. I don't think men can do that? Looks matter but probably in terms of the quality, passion and initiation of sex for some women.



The idea that looks matter more to a man than they do to a woman is utter rubbish. Men marry for love and things other than physical appearance just like women do. 

People (Mostly men) have taken an idea that actually did come from the behavioral sciences and stretched and distorted it far beyond anything that could reasonably have been inferred. 

The perception that male sexual arousal was more strongly tied to visual stimuli, was not just a stereotype; it was based on a series of experiments where the pulse, respiration, blood pressure, pupil dilation, blood flow to the genitals, etc. of male and female test subjects was measured while they were shown images depicting various degrees of disrobement and explicitness. 

Maybe those experiments were flawed. Maybe they didn't correct for culture, upbringing and other social conditioning. Maybe they didn't differentiate between things like active and passive desire. 

Even if the experiments were valid, saying that looks matter more to men does not follow. The question was not about looks _per se_; It was how much of a person's sexual arousal is a direct response to visual stimuli versus how much is a response to other things.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

intheory said:


> I LOVE skinny men. Love them, love them, love them.
> 
> Be yourself, and you'll attract the right person to you.


I'd rather a skinny man than a body builder any day. Humans aren't meant to look all muscled up and buff. Think swimmer's body. That's natural, that's healthy. 



















Just saying...


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

ocotillo said:


> The idea that looks matter more to a man than they do to a woman is utter rubbish.


Have to disagree wholeheartedly here. If a man marries a woman of a higher sex rank, unless she's significantly higher, most people just think that he's a great guy and lucky. (if there's too much of a mismatch, its usually to do with $).

BUT... if a man marries a woman of a lower sex rank, it seems odd. Maybe not everyone is like this, but I see it. I know a couple where he's an 8 and she's about a 5. It's so odd to me. But maybe I'm the exception.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Right. Because a woman is only valued by her looks and a man only valued by his wallet. Uh huh.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> Right. Because a woman is only valued by her looks and a man only valued by his wallet. Uh huh.


I said it was odd to me. You took it to an extreme. At the risk of hijacking this thread, i'm going to either start a new one about this or find one where this is the actual topic.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

We always hear about the media and marketing causing these issues, but it is far more complex than that. As much as it is criticized, bemoaned, demonized, the fact is, retailers, advertisers, media is in the business to make money because they are well...businesses. They spent millions on market research to find out what will make money, and the reality is, as much as it is decried, people consume the image like it's crack.

I read an interesting point the other day as I was researching male body image issues, and male body shaming...When we go to the movies, we know the special effects aren't real, but we still expect them, they are what sells the movie. Photoshopping selected people, male and female is no different...it's not real, it's special effects.

There were a couple of things that prompted me to look into male body shaming a bit deeper, and it was rather eyeopening to say the least. It is every bit as insidious as female body shaming, and potentially even more damaging because men are shamed for admitting that they have body image issues...shamed for feeling shamed...double whammy.

I have had my own issues and struggles with it to start, but I was talking to my 12 year old son. The girls like him for sure, and in the 12 year old kind of way, he had a girlfriend for a while but she "cheated" on him and flat out told him it was because he wasn't buff. Yes, I know, 12 year olds and relationships and all that, but that is the kind of sh1t that creates complexes, issues that haunt for a lifetime. The same crap girls have been going through for generations, I think boys have too, it's just now getting to a point where it is recognized.

All the talk about Barbie...take a look at boys action figures. They are all ripped and buff and completely unattainable bodies for men. I dug out one of my old Luke Skywalker figures from when I was a kid, and compared it to the newly released ones, and good lord, the new Luke is a freaking world class body builder...but it's the image, and what is selling.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Have to disagree wholeheartedly here. If a man marries a woman of a higher sex rank, unless she's significantly higher, most people just think that he's a great guy and lucky. (if there's too much of a mismatch, its usually to do with $).
> 
> BUT... if a man marries a woman of a lower sex rank, it seems odd. Maybe not everyone is like this, but I see it. I know a couple where he's an 8 and she's about a 5. It's so odd to me. But maybe I'm the exception.


Unless I'm misunderstanding entirely, this appears to be a conflation of two different phenomenon. 

Yes, people do sometimes scratch their heads and cast about for alternative explanations when they see what appears to be a mismatch, (And great, lucky guy is still an alternative explanation) but that doesn't speak to the question of whether or not it happens.


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