# should this be ok?



## hangininthere (May 7, 2014)

I caught my H texting flirty messages to another woman. This is someone he has known for many years. She is married and he is friends with her husband. When I confronted him, he said he was in a place where he is feeling unattractive and insecure and was seeing how she would react. He assured me nothing would ever develop from it and he apologized and said it would not happen again. At that time, he did not stop the texting. This went on for about 3 months. I have no reason to believe it ever went farther than texting. By the way, her H knows nothing about it. 

He does not talk to her anymore, but he continues to be friends and talk with her husband. He only talks to him when she is not around, usually when he is working. I see this as disrespect to me and I am sure if the shoe were on the other foot, he would demand I end the friendship. I have no problem with her H, I just think he should cut off the friendship considering what he did. I have talked to him several times about it, but he continues to talk to him. Am I being silly and selfish, or is he being disrespectful to me?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

sorry about you situation, but there is a big red flag there, I know you want to believe that never went further than just some texts but believe me if both parts are willing to text in flirty and even sexual way there is a big possiblity that this went beyond of what you think, and there is even a bigger possibility that this is still going.

there is a term to define when one of the part is caught and suddendly it seems that they stopped comunicating with the other part, its called going underground, they could easily still being in contact but with a burner phone and throught mediums not visibles to you.

I advise you to investigate this matter even further that see if it is really over, don't thrust anything he says as going to the bar with friends or working over time, poeple that engage this kind of conduct can't be trusted so easily.

also you are right, there should not be contac with that couple anymore, you should contact the husband and tell him the whole situation, normally AP's spouse becomes the best ally to stop and destroy any kind of imporper bahaviour between APs


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Tell her husband. He deserves to know.


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

hangininthere said:


> He does not talk to her anymore


You actually believe that? I would tell her husband immediately.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

...and here lies the problem with telling a potential cheater details on the source of your suspicion. You dont know if they really stopped or if your efforts are just training them to hide it better. This is the full evil of betreyals...even little ones. Its like the betrayed spouse has to adopt secrets in spyining on their spouse to regain trust. ....


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Expose to husband. Then your husband will feel the consequences.


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