# Why keep lying?



## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

My STBXH texted me today and said "I went to the courthouse to respond to the divorce summons and they had nothing, I was just wondering did your mom do this or did you?" So I go down to the courthouse and sure enough I give them my name and they pulled my case right up. So I asked him if he really went down there and he says "I must have got the stupid clerk". Then he blows my daughter off for dinner (one he asked her to go on) & he reschedules for next Monday, because a compressor blew at work. He then tells me it was because "he forgot he had a class". I mean if your going to lie at least try to keep your stories straight. I know that cheating spouses MO is to lie, but we are done, why keep lying? It's infuriating! I now know I cannot talk to him about anything because it makes my blood boil. He broke NC about the divorce yesterday and now acts like I owe him something. Any thoughts would be helpful. If anything thanks for letting me vent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lying must be like breathing to him. Something he has to do.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Lying must be like breathing to him. Something he has to do.


It's starting to seem that way. It would be nice if he'd at least attempt to keep them straight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

He knows he's not in control and he's scrambling and
getting caught up in his own lies like most W's do.

I know it's beyond annoying, but try not to let it get you upset.
Instead, understand that he's going to be doing this duck and dodge
and flopping around like a fish thing until it's over.

Try laughing at his pathetic ass.

Truth is, he can't *stand* how strong you are.
So don't ever let him forget just how strong that is.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

What a disguting "human" being. To hear him tell it, it's like he forgot to buy a loaf of bread at the grocery. Not a care in the world. 

I hope he is just an idiot and not doing it on purpose just to yank your chain. Has he always been this hare-brained? Or is he looking for excuses to postpone the divorce and work his "charm" on you?

You have to remember, he *can't* have you anymore so you have probably become more attractive to him.


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## SevenEight (Feb 6, 2013)

If you figure this out, let me know, because I'm going through hell with my stbxw right now. Two weeks ago, I discovered she had been ****ing one guy and sexting with at least 4 others.

The last few weeks have been absolutely traumatic for me. The worst moments of my life.

On top of that, I keep catching her lying again and again, despite all my attempts to just get her to confess about everything so we can just re-build if possible, or just end the suffering. What really doesn't make sense to me is that she seems to want divorce more than I do - why the f is she still lying over and over again then?

Today was the final straw for me. We had gone to a marriage counselor yesterday, and it really seemed to me like we were on the right path, or at least some kind of path to figuring things out with love and respect for each other. Then I discover that today she was contacting one of the sexters, and trying to hide it from me. wtf

I can't take the lying anymore. As much as I still love her, I have no choice now but to file for divorce.

Sorry for the rant, but I too want to know why keep lying. Why can't she just be honest since it's over anyway?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Probably because he knows he can make your blood boil. He's messing with you to mess with you, no other reason. isn't that why you have NC to begin with? Start over with the NC and stick to it. Why leave yourself exposed to this nonsense?


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

In most states if he doesn't respond to the divorce summons you'll get it by default. If that's the case, don't even bother talking to him.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Don't try to figure this stuff out. Especially you SevenEight.

Your not gonna get any straight answers. It will drive you nuts trying to figure out why. It will drive you nuts when you ask and they don't even want to look at you, let alone talk to you.

Your trying to find a sane person in crazy town.. It just isn't going to happen. 

You just need to move on with yourself. 

He needs divorce papers. Have someone serve him. 

Who cares she is lying.. Move on.. IF she wants to reconcile and tell the truth, divorce papers will wake her up..


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> Don't try to figure this stuff out. Especially you SevenEight.
> 
> Your not gonna get any straight answers. It will drive you nuts trying to figure out why. It will drive you nuts when you ask and they don't even want to look at you, let alone talk to you.
> 
> ...


I already filed for divorce, he has been served. I didnt know if he doesn't file it'll default. Or I wouldn't have responded. And I am moving on with my life. Believe me he is making it much easier to hate him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> What a disguting "human" being. To hear him tell it, it's like he forgot to buy a loaf of bread at the grocery. Not a care in the world.
> 
> I hope he is just an idiot and not doing it on purpose just to yank your chain. Has he always been this hare-brained? Or is he looking for excuses to postpone the divorce and work his "charm" on you?
> 
> You have to remember, he *can't* have you anymore so you have probably become more attractive to him.


I do not know what he's doing. I told him everything that needed to be said about divorce/finances and told him not to call or text me again. And that goes both ways. Yes he is hardheaded and thinks the world of himself. Remember this is the guy who swore on his sons life he wasnt cheating. I have made it pretty clear I do not want him in my life. So I hope he'll stay away. Just let the divorce process go smoothly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

SevenEight said:


> If you figure this out, let me know, because I'm going through hell with my stbxw right now. Two weeks ago, I discovered she had been ****ing one guy and sexting with at least 4 others.
> 
> The last few weeks have been absolutely traumatic for me. The worst moments of my life.
> 
> ...



My best advice is to file for divorce and do not attempt reconciliation anymore. I never attempted it with my husband. I just started moving on the best I could. Don't let her hurt you anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

cantthinkstraight said:


> He knows he's not in control and he's scrambling and
> getting caught up in his own lies like most W's do.
> 
> I know it's beyond annoying, but try not to let it get you upset.
> ...


He is definitely pathetic! And his actions are making that clearer everyday. I am pretty sure he is tripped out by how I am acting. And the only reason I say that is because I was always the one who tried to patch things up and begged-cried. And I don't do that anymore!!!! But thank you for saying I am strong.
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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

How did our daughter take the postponement? It's pathetic that a piece of equipment at work trumps an evening meal with her. I guess she's going to be riding a roller coaster of emotions with that sorry excuse of a stepdad.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> How did our daughter take the postponement? It's pathetic that a piece of equipment at work trumps an evening meal with her. I guess she's going to be riding a roller coaster of emotions with that sorry excuse of a stepdad.


She doesn't know I think he lied to her or blew her off. She seemed okay with it. Anyway I let him know that if he wants her in his life, he'd better follow through and not blow her off. That it's one thing to screw me over, but another to screw her over. And I wouldn't put up with it. He said "I forgot I had a class. I understand and won't blow her off". Then that's when I brought up the compressor story, that he told me about. He didnt respond to that.
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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> She doesn't know I think he lied to her or blew her off. She seemed okay with it. Anyway I let him know that if he wants her in his life, he'd better follow through and not blow her off. That it's one thing to screw me over, but another to screw her over. And I wouldn't put up with it. He said "I forgot I had a class. I understand and won't blow her off". Then that's when I brought up the compressor story, that he told me about. He didnt respond to that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What an a** he is!! 

I just came back from my midweek visit with my DD and it tore me apart to say goodbye to her, can't imagine not spending as much time with her as I could.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

dscl said:


> What an a** he is!!
> 
> I just came back from my midweek visit with my DD and it tore me apart to say goodbye to her, can't imagine not spending as much time with her as I could.


Well that's because you are a loving caring person. He is focused on himself per usual. If and when he snaps out of his bull****, he'll then have to redeem himself for his actions. I am assuming it'll be too late by then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SevenEight (Feb 6, 2013)

Kaya62003 said:


> My best advice is to file for divorce and do not attempt reconciliation anymore. I never attempted it with my husband. I just started moving on the best I could. Don't let her hurt you anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thanks. This is what I'm doing now. It's still incredibly difficult, but seeing what kind of person she is capable of being gives me strength. It's just such a huge disappointment.

Maybe we should hook up your stbxh with my stbxw. They sound like a good match for each other.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

How are you holding up Kaya?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> How are you holding up Kaya?


I am good! I have just had a lazy weekend. I haven't spoke to the STBXH since he texted me Thursday and I ignored it. It makes life easier if I stay away from him. And since I was told my divorce will default if he doesn't respond, I have decided to let that happen. How are you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

That's great!
It sounds like you have or are reaching a peaceful place for yourself. I know you don't want to put any energy into dwelling on the past. But you really should consider exposing the affair to the OWH he deserves to have an opportunity to have a say in his own marriage.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> That's great!
> It sounds like you have or are reaching a peaceful place for yourself. I know you don't want to put any energy into dwelling on the past. But you really should consider exposing the affair to the OWH he deserves to have an opportunity to have a say in his own marriage.


I attempted to expose it back in December and he obviously didnt believe me. My friend sent him a text message and all he said was "thanks for letting me know". And then my STBX texted me telling me "how nuts I am for messing up someone else's family". Which is hilarious how quick he is to forget he's nailing dudes wife, but I am messing with someone else's family. Wow! Just reading that again, makes me 100% happier for my decision to get out of this marriage.
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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> I attempted to expose it back in December and he obviously didnt believe me. My friend sent him a text message and all he said was "thanks for letting me know". And then my STBX texted me telling me "how nuts I am for messing up someone else's family". Which is hilarious how quick he is to forget he's nailing dudes wife, but I am messing with someone else's family. Wow! Just reading that again, makes me 100% happier for my decision to get out of this marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I laughed out loud at your STBXH's comment. What a comedian. I guess "messing up" other people's marriages is strictly his domain.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You posted this on another thread:



Kaya62003 said:


> Your story sounds familiar. Your wife almost seems like the married woman my STBXH was having an affair with...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WAS? 
I guess this means that you don't know if it's still on because you are NC or do you think it's over with those two?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> You posted this on another thread:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yeah WAS is past tense. I have no idea if they're still talking/screwing. It's not my problem anymore. So I don't care to find out.
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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> I know that cheating spouses MO is to lie, but we are done, why keep lying? It's infuriating!


I know what you mean, but thank God it's in the increasingly distant past. 

It's just like having to accept there are serial killers and child rapists and evil dictators and con men taking old people's life savings. They don't think the way someone with a conscience does. 

All we can do is remove them from our lives as best we can.


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