# What Does it Seem Like?



## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

I have been married to my wife for 9 years(Me-37/wife-33) and we have one daughter together. Three weeks ago my wife admitted to me that she slept with another guy and wanted a separation, it hurt to hear all that. I couldn't be too mad because I was on the verge of sleeping with someone else also. She explained to me that she has been unhappy with her relationship with me for the past five years. The issues being that when we get into arguements, I have said some harsh things like:"maybe I'm not the one for you" or "I don't feel the love from her". We would always make up and things would be fine until the next disagreement or until now. She also was unhappy with the amount of affection she was getting. I never knew she was this unhappy with me and that hurts the most. Two days from now she will be moving to a new place with our daughter. But we have still been living together as a couple since she wanted to separate. When we first discussed separation divorce seemed to be looming around the corner. She would tell me things like:"dating is okay while separated","felt connected with other guy"&"wants to find herself". Now I have been confused for the last week and a half because her tune has changed. We still have been having sex as usual and getting along quite well under the circumstances. We had sex the day after she told me the things I mentioned above. Hell, we had sex just yesterday. Now there are diferent goals for the separation: to work on our marriage and get back our spark. She wants us to date each other(no other people),meet for dinner,see a councelor and have family days. Seems like a good idea. But as the day of moving comes closer, we both are experiencing moments of sadness about living apart. Now she's afraid this separation may not work because there is a chance that we may like living apart, I feel the same way. But there is no talking her out of moving out because she feels that it needs to be done to help our relationship. There is no time table as to how long this separation will last. Her first day at her new place she wants to have sex with me in all the rooms. My question is, what does this mean? Please ladies give me some advice.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It means she wants to screw you and other guys.

Why are you still having sex with her? Have you been tested for STD's? For heavens sake man, she cheated on you and you're just going along with it and yes ma'aming everything she says?!?! 

And if you were really on the verge of sleeping with someone else, well, I don't even know what to say. Maybe the two of you deserve each other.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> It means she wants to screw you and other guys.
> 
> Why are you still having sex with her? Have you been tested for STD's? For heavens sake man, she cheated on you and you're just going along with it and yes ma'aming everything she says?!?!
> 
> And if you were really on the verge of sleeping with someone else, well, I don't even know what to say. Maybe the two of you deserve each other.


100% accurate.

I think she is continuing to give you sex becase she doesn't want you dating others during the separation, even though I suspect she will be. It's her way of keeping you locked in as plan b.

The moment the sex stops, you knw she's decided that the other guy is working out and that you are done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

In another thread in the CWI section you admit to past infidelity as well. I think you both need to go your separate ways. She doesnt seem to want to stop and you are on the verge of doing it again. Continuing to have sex with each other is probably just going to complicate things and maybe spread some STDs


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Barry, looking back at my failed marriage (that also ended on a note of infidelity) as my point of reference for your story, sure she was unhappy, but realize that she made a conscious choice to have sex with another man while being married to you. Her unhappiness did not force her to make that choice, it was her character to make that decision when she had those feelings. And to cope with the immorality of her choice she has to use something as a justification - in this case she is using the biggest negative feeling she can find about her relationship to you (ie disatisfaction) and inflating it, polishing it and presenting it in the strongest possible way (unhappy, miserable, agonizing, draining etc). She is even going to the length of rewriting the marital history in her mind with this new idea in place of what her true feelings were at the time.

Now that you have been told this you can hopefully recognize that you are not to blame in this and she has no power over you that you don't give her, and at this point she deserves no power over you because she has shown she is not responsible with it.

Do not sweep this problem under the rug, if she is not genuinely remorseful and willing to do the heavy lifting to restore the trust in the relationship you can never really reconcile, this will only continue eroding the foundation and your relationship will not have a chance to actually develop. Also, don't have sex with her (and if you give in atleast wear protection because based on what you wrote she is clearly having sexual relations with other men)


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## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

Thank you for your response Lon. But if you had to deal with me being as selfish & angry as I was for over 5 years you would have cheated on me to. None of us know how we will react to a situation until you go through it. I never thought I would cheat but throw in the right ingredients and bad attitude and you have the makings of someone looking to find someone else. AS far as STDs, we are both clean and we are not sleeping with other people. Believe it or not we are trying to work all of this out and get back together. I know it won't be easy but I am willing to take the journey.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I also think your marriage is doomed. But on another point. Its never good saying I am not the one for you. Thats almost inviting her to try someone else.


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