# Wife very depressed doesnt want help



## john141 (Apr 2, 2010)

Hi- I hope someone can help me. I have been married to my wife for 8 years and things have been very difficult for us. Right now she is very depressed and says she does not want to live. She says that I dont do anything to comfort her but it is very difficult because whenever anything happens she blames me for our "miserable" life and choices I made when divorcing from my first wife and she pushes me away. Now she wont even talk to me. I ask her if she needs anything or I can do anything for her and she makes a sarcastic comment and tells me to go awayI dont want her to hurt herself but she does not want to go for any help. She says no psych help is going to change our lives. In our state they can only keep you for 72 hours. She knows her way around the mental health system and knows what to say to get released if she was hospitalized. I dont know what to do. She used to be a very kind, caring and loving person but now she has a lot of anger and rage mostly towards me. FYI she suffers form PTSD as she was held at gun point once and was in 2 car accidents. Any advice please help


----------



## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a family member with depression so kind of know what your going through. Has your wife ever been on medication for depression? I would try to do what ever you can to convince her to get help, maybe in the form of medication. I wish you well.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

So why does she hate you so much? did you do something to break her trust? 

My H and i struggled with this, too. i was very depressed. he felt helpless. it was ugly for awhile. i hated his guts and thought all my misery was his fault, and he also felt responsible for my happiness, so it was an emotional web. but we both went to counseling and did a boundaries in marriage book and workbook. that helped a lot. 

and there is such a thing as tough love. my brother has called me at night and told me he was going to kill himself. I tell him that im sorry he's hurting but he needs to do what he needs to do. I never try and talk him out of it. I ask him what is wrong, usually tell him id want to die if i had those problems too, and tell him that being here is a choice he makes. Its tough love, and sometimes it can come off as not caring about a person, but that's if you have underlying problems and the person already thinks you dont care about them. my brother knows i love him and that i think i will see him again, and that i want him to stop hurting. if he needs to die to do that, that's fine. We put animals down as an act of mercy, but people we think ought to sit and endure it.


----------



## john141 (Apr 2, 2010)

Thank you for your replies. Del, she totally refuses to be on any medication even though I read many articles saying that many cases of depression are due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and shared this with her. She says that medication will not change our situation. Blanca, yes there is a trust issue but suffice it to say it has nothing to do with infidelity. I dont drink I dont gamble and I dont cheat. Her anger stems from an over generous separation agreement I signed with my ex-wife and I did not give myself enough money to live on which caused me to get into financial difficulties. This has caused us to struggle financially most of our time together. I appreciate what you said i just hate to see her go don this road without trying all possible solutions. Thank you


----------

