# Different Goals, Religion, and Interests...YIKES!!!



## txmomandwife (Sep 16, 2010)

I would like to start off by apologizing if this post gets lengthy or becomes confusing. LOL I really need advice but feel like my head is so full of stuff I need advice on, so please bare with me......
Okay first off I have been married for almost 8 years, and have 2 daughter, 10 and 4. My 10 year old my husband legally adopted when she was 2 and my daughter knows nothing about that. 
Everything in my marriage was wonderful until about 3 years ago when my husband became severely depressed. He spent 2 weeks in ICU due to diabetes complications. When he got out of the hospital he realized what has been making him so depressed. He said he missed his "hobby" and felt like all he was, was a husband and a dad. Well, at the time I was a stay at home mom, on the PTA board, slept by his bedside for 2 weeks, & would sacrifice anything for my family! His hobby is lowered customized trucks. He said without that hobby then he would never truly be happy because a part of him was missing. So what did I do I went and got a full time job, put our kids in daycare, and gave him his hobby.
We then separated because I felt like that was crap that the kids & I had to sacrifice all of that for him to be happy. During the separation something got brought up about our daughter, the 10 yo. Well, I asked if he even loved her. He said that he cares a lot for her, would carry her out of a burning building, & would do anything for her but can't say he loves her. He said that there is a difference between our child together and the one he adopted. I was crushed! Seriously he has been the only father she has known for 8 years out of 10, how can he be that cold? We have since gotten back together & in my crazy head I thought he was just saying that because we were apart, nope he truly meant it. He then says that if we are together then he loves having the family life, but if this doesn't work out then having the girls is the worst mistake he has ever made in his life. His reasoning is about putting them divorce, & only wanting the family life if it's a "true" family. 
No I was raised Southern Baptist, and my husband is Atheist. I invision raising my children in a Christian home, church on Sundays etc. We currently go alone. 
I just wonder if there are too many differences for us to overcome, I mean I could go on forever. He hates sports, I am a sports FANATIC!! The way I invision my life is a large family, suv, involved in education & church, sporting events, vacations together. He is admitting that without his hobby in his life that he won't be 100% happy because then there is a void in his life that he needs filled. I have voids that he refuses to fill, but I am not saying that I will let myself get lost because of them. 
Bottom line I am highly considering splitting up, yes again, and filing for divorce. I look at my life and wonder if I can ever not be mad and resent him for throwing away what we had for a hobby. Plus that I gave up the way I had envisioned my family and my life. I just don't know that looking back in 20 years that I will be happy with that. Also the fact that he can be so cold as to say he doesn't love our daughter, then justifies it with "she will never know how I feel, I will always treat her the same, and I tell her I love her" Just makes me sick! I feel totally selfish but then I am not happy and feel like I am dragging everyone down with me! 

I could go on forever but any advice would be great. Obviously there are other issues, but I could go on for days. LOL Important to know that I do love him, and probably always will, just wonder if he is the man for me. Also important to know that if I leave I will know that he will be highly depressed again, and probably suicidal. Thanks so much in advance.


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## txmomandwife (Sep 16, 2010)

I guess it also might be a good thing to add that what I am looking and longing for is an unconditional love. Not only do I know that I am loved forever, but that it's not contingent upon a "hobby" or materialistic things. Also to know that I am loved, admired, adored, and respected. Like there is nothing in this world my huband wouldn't do for his family. That is the kind of love I have to offer, so that is what I want in return. I don't think he will ever be able to provide that to me!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You are definitely in a tough spot. What pulled the two of you together in the first place? You appear completely incompatible able for each other, so I'm wondering how you got together. Was he so into his hobby when you met?


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## txmomandwife (Sep 16, 2010)

I hate to admit this but I really don't know. I was 20 when we met, and he was 28. I was a single mom, and to be honest fell in love with him. Also we met November 1st and were married April 25th, so obviously didn't take the time to look into these things that we eventually learned about each other. He did have his hobby in the beginning but obviously we weren't together long enough for me to know that it had that much "control" on his happiness. I was naive and thought it was me and our daughter that made him happy. Crushing to know that we do but only if he has that too!


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