# Help Please I dont want divorced



## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

I need help bad. My wife and I were Married Last September. We only Dated 3 months before we found out we were pregnant in 09. She begged couceling and to push back the wedding because of some problems. She has had a rough life. Mother physical abusive and father has series Alchol and Drug Problems. Her father made the most serious fights in our relationship. She also says i neglected her feelings not going to conceling and ruined her dreams. Now seperated she says she wants divorced we made a mistake. She cares for me but we are not healthy for eachother. I know now that i will do anything in my power to get along with her father and not neglect her. I love my wife more than anything. I begged. We have been seperated 45 days. All she asked for was space i couldnt give it. The same week she told me to leave we purchased our first home. Our fight started because i got in a argument with her father. Now she says she hates me we cant be together, I truly love my wife what do i do please help. I want her back so bad.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

It may be too late, but I would demonstrate with actions rather than words. Sign up for your own individual counseling and show her that you are serious about changing.


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## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

she says that she does not want to talk to me does not want phone calls, text, emails, etc. She says she loves me but not in love with me. I daughters 2nd birthday is sat. I wont be attending seperate parties. My wife has told me she wants a divorce 45 days i couldnt take my head out of my butt. I do love her i do cherish her. I am so affraid. I just want her back. I agree with the actions now. I dont know i am so lost.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

There isn't an easy answer or silver bullet. It sounds like you both made mistakes and started out badly too. 

Unfortunately she needs to decide her own path and there isn't anything you can do to change that. Make your will to reconcile and be a good husband known, but that's all you can do. There is a 180 on this site you should find. It's in my story in my profile.

I really wish you best of luck and God bless. I hope you work out, but it sounds like there is a good chance you might not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

helphelphelp said:


> I do love her i do cherish her. I am so affraid. I just want her back. I agree with the actions now. I dont know i am so lost.


Join the club. 

Do not call her. 
Do not text her.
Do not email her. 

Give her the space you didn't allow her. 
This is HARD but probably your best chance.
Get some IC. 
Sorry, it wont get better anytime soon but if your willing to do whatever it takes its time to let her go. I wish you all the best.


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## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

pretty much everyone is saying i have no chance? i swear this is the hardest thing in the world, i would not wish this upon my worst enemy. Thank you for the advice


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Dude. Did you just see the thread I posted under curling up in the fetal position. We know, and once you know you have no chance, it gets worse. 
But I seriously hope things work out for you. I'm pulling for you, remember try no contact and work on yourself.


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## kristen11 (Jun 15, 2011)

My husband (who has been abused as a child and his father is an alcoholic) filed for divorce and I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm working on giving him his space and not begging him to stay like I was in the beginning. Begging will only push them farther, I can speak from experience with that. Once I stopped the pleading to stay and am trying to move on with my life we have been civil with one another. Give the 180 a try because it will help you as a person.


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## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

So now i have done what she wanted for maybe 18 hrs she calls i dont answer so she calls again. i do not answer then i answer she said i wanted to see how you were doing. In a normal tone i said doing great hows the baby. She told me fine at daycare. So then she ask me to paint the babys bedroom tonight before her bday party tomorrow. I said that is fine. Then again ask why do i sound different. I just said that i was having a good day even though i am not. So she said i have to work will you pick the baby up from daycare i said yes and she said she had to go. So i told her me to bye. 

To me this seems like a step in the right direction she did mention in the conversation why didnt you do this when i told you. I changed subjects i did not think i was the problem honestly. It doesnt matter though now my wife means so much to me. 

Do you feel this is a right step?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I would have answered and not said a great day. Don't be purposefully hard to get hold of or act like you are fine. Sometimes it comes back that she thinks you are both ok with where you are at so she just files for D. Be truthful, but not begging.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristen11 (Jun 15, 2011)

You are headed in the right direction but I agree with anx, you should have said not a great day. You don't have to lie to her about how you are feeling.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I dunno, I disagree with you two. I mean he doesn't have to make it sound like he's having a party, but I definitely think saying "I'm ok" is a million times better than sounding whiny. People respond much better to you. My two cents.


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## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

I painted the babies room while she was workingM I have not spoken to her. This is so hard 2 years ago rigjt now her water broke I won't be at my little girls party. I couldn't listen when she sais she needed space 45 days ago. I am so scared its too late. Please god help I am scared I think god is the only one who can save this now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I think you are right and I am in the same spot. I have focused hard on my faith and prayed hard. No amount or money or chores or fixing up the house or counseling will fix this. It is a matter if the heart, and she needs to find it in herself to forgive and reconnect, and at the same time you need to work hard at understanding and becoming a better husband. 

I really hope it works out for you. I wish there was more I or we could do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I sent u a pm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

So she asked me to go to her families party for my baby I did as she asked and she acted like nothing wass wrong we laughed together then I found her in the (crying I asked her what was wrong and she said I always get what I want and she can't talk to me about it. I have still nit been calling now she is calling and said she asked whenb the next counceling is what do u think
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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Great news but still a ton of work to do. 

Text or energy a short email making it clear what you think. You know best, but it might not be the right time to do it. You might want to do it after your first mc.

Apologize for your recent and past actions that hurt her.
Say that you are committed to her and mc.
Say that you love her.

Stick with the 180 and don't be deparate, needy, devalue yourself, lose respect for yourself, etc. Be strong in hthis, but at the same time open to learn and change.

Great news, God bless, and best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helphelphelp (Jul 1, 2011)

Just picked daughter up wife seemed diff like good to see me. Her acctions everything she used to say was hers is now ours again now. Rings are on things just seemed good. She hugged me and I left
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