# It's not fair to stay with my husband but love my Ex.



## meandhim (Aug 15, 2013)

I have been separated from my husband for 10 months. We initially separated because he hadn't worked in 2 years nor was he trying to, he cheated with his daughters mother, he was arrested for child support and I was not happy anymore. My ex whom I dated for 6 years (age 14 - 20) has always had a very special place in my heart and soul. During my marriage I communicated (via text) with him just on birthdays but never forgot or truly stopped loving him. Since my separation we have hooked back up and picked up like we never left each other. However, I am struggling with the fact if I should stay with my husband. He has gotten a job and has become a better father to our son but I just don't love him in that way anymore. We have been trying to work it out but I can't get over the deep connection I have with my ex. It is a true bond that I have been searching for in other relationships but never found. I hate to hurt my husband but I don't want to be in a marriage when I know that I love someone else. My husband knows that my ex still loves me and that I care for him. I filed for divorce but voluntarily dismissed it because I was unsure. I know I have to make a decision and soon. PLEASE HELP!!!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I would say that you have very valid reasons for divorce. But, that said, you should have waited to get involved with another man until the final decision was made.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

based on what you wrote, your feelings for the other man never ceased even when you were with your current husband.you and you alone have to make the decision. we can't make it for you. take responsibility for your life and treat those in your life with dignity and respect.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Why did the relationship with your ex originally dissolve?


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## meandhim (Aug 15, 2013)

There has always been a problem with his daughters mother even before we were married. He cheated with her 3 years ago and that started the down hill spiral. I stayed after she called to tell me they slept together because I hoped that we would get through it but things did not get better. I initially made a big fuss about it but then stopped. He then reverted back to normal. The cheating on top of me having to pay for almost everything was a lot. The last resort for me was when I had to bail him out of jail for suspended license because of her child support. I really loved him because I stood by him through everything but my love deteriorated over the years and as things kept happening.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> Why did the relationship with your ex originally dissolve?


Good question.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

I guess I have to wonder if you'rve gone to your ex because of thinking grass might be greener. Why have you come on here? Are you looking for justification for cheating while still married? It feels like you are preventing a totally black and whit scenario. First we have the husband, who is the bad guy, and the ex who is the knight in shining armour. That's how it comes across. No relationship is just black or white. Please provide more details.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Why would you go back to that? If he cheated on you multiple times he will do it again. No ifs ands or buts. He will cheat again.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

All I can say is that your relationship with your husband isn't likely to get any better while you're dating your ex. So pick a horse and ride it. Trying to ride both will not be pretty.

C


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## meandhim (Aug 15, 2013)

My last post was describing my husband. My ex and I broke up because we had dated all of our teen years and decided to take a break to see other people with the hopes of getting back together. In the process I met my husband. My ex respected the fact that I was getting married and did not interfere at all. I am not trying to portray him as being the knight in shining armor I am just stating the facts.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

That is a tangled mess.

I do not know how you ended up married but I do not recall reading any stories on TAM where two people so clearly do not belong together.

Do what it takes to put your existing marriage to bed.

Sorry to be so blunt but your story is astonishing to me.

Right the wrong and good luck,
Stretch


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