# Petrified of being alone!



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I left my emotionallly abusive h last year and lasted 5 months before I crawled home depressed and almost suicidal. I've been back for 6 months and the tricks and pitting our verbally abusive son against me started all again. I am really determined not to return to this poisonous situation. Son has been texting me some horrible things like his dad is saying they can't afford groceries because I won't increase the bank limit, and some other horrible things about what a terrible mother I've been.

I am getting my own condo in the area, so hopefully dd 13 can come with me at least part time. BUT I failed last time because I just can't stand being ALONE. I literally can't bear it. Knowing that my cheating, lying husband is in my house with my kids while I lay alone destroyed me. So here I am going to try again. 
I am at my parents house for now. 
I have terrible anxiety/depression and was warned by my dr not to move out of my parents. But i feel that if I don't move into dd's area she will feel abandoned by me. As it is my h probably will try to block me from getting partial custody because he says my depresssion says I have a major mental disorder.

In any case, any tips on being alone, esp. at night and not having a panic attack, crying fits? 
And on dealing with h, who will no doubt block me from having her.
I tried to take her out to dinner last week and he said I could only take her if he came, so I said forget it. I'm not a parolee or child abuser that needs supervised visits.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. 

I don't know if my advice is worth much, but my first thought is to try to keep busy. New clubs/hobbies/activities, meeting new people, finding something to feel passionate about. Volunteer work? Something that will help you regain your sense of self and self-worth. 

I'm sorry your XH is such a scumbag.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Hi indiecat,

So sorry to hear about your situation, I just wanted to post and help in any way I could.

I am living at my parents house atm and it's been three months since my H left me and told me to move out of the house. Alot of the time I have felt depressed and sad, even verging on suicidal. 

But what I find has helped me is counselling, it is a good place to start just so you can talk to someone other than friends or family. Learning some easy breathing techniques really helps with anxiety and those panic attacks. Also, try using herbal remedies I got myself a 'rescue spray' which helps calm me when I have a panic attack or just feel like crying.

And if you are in the house alone turn on the radio, or the tv it's something small but it really makes a difference when you're on your own. I started reading a new book and got a few extra magazines to read when I'm alone at home.

At night I watch a funny tv show before I go to bed just to get my mind off things, try to avoid any serious/romantic or sad shows they really don't help. 

Try going out and treating yourself if you can, it makes a difference to your mood. Meet up with friends or family just to get out the house.

I hope that helps you in some way, I know what you mean about being afraid of being alone. I get panic attacks and there's moments when I can't breathe, but what is key is keeping busy and not leaving time to sit and think about everything over and over in your head. It's not easy but really try for yourself, I am trying too and I hope things will get better for you.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sometimes you need to push through your fears, that's the only way out. Have you look for a therapist that can help you? That's no way to live.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Do something to make your current or new place feel like your home, your space - a comfortable, cozy place where you are free from abuse and anxiety. 

Maybe that means creating a reading nook with your favorite books, or plants if you like plants, some pictures, a cozy blanket. Or maybe it's an exercise space where you can work out your anxiety through yoga. Make your bedroom a comfortable, soothing place where you feel at home.

If you're living at your parents' house, your husband should accept your child visiting you. He's not supervising, but if he really has legitimate concerns about your depression, knowing that your parents are there for your daughter to turn to should help.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

I'm learning to live alone myself, just getting started, sold our 'dream house' because after she left me I can't afford it, bought a rental house right across the street from where I work.

I am the oldest of six children, so I've never known what it is like to "be alone", lived with guys in a house in college, with buddies once out of college, met my girlfriend, married her, moved in, she cheated on me, three times now (last time doesn't exactly count, but it is still cheating even if we are separated), so now I'm going to be on my own. 

It is going to be very hard but I'll put one foot ahead of the other and attempt to focus on projects that I like to do. Right now I'm emotionally fragile to say the least though. I'll get through it, I'm sure you will too


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If you can get a dog or cat....helps with the "alone" feeling. And will give you something to focus on since you would have to take care of it. 

I know my dogs have been my saviors throughout all of the crap


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Po, I love the without trust words.


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