# do I tell wife my fantasy?



## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Married 50 years to a woman who has never been with another man. I’m 73 in good health and work out and so does she. I’m a typical man with fantasies when pleasuring myself and one of those fantasies is seeing my wife with another guy… not just another guy but the husband of one her friends. He flirts with her when we’re at parties and I can tell he really has the hots for her… for the past 30 years.

I take no medication and I don’t take the blue pill but there have been times in the past two years when I can’t keep an erection. I’ve never fantasizes while we are having sex until the other night. I started going soft but then for the first time ever I began fantasizing her have sex with the other guy. I became very hard. My wife responded with several orgasms before I had a big one. And I stayed hard! The question is this:

Should I tell her about this fantasy? She says she never fantasize and has never expressed interest in me telling her any of my fantasies.

So, husband have you told your wives if this has happened to you and wives would you want to hear that from your husbands?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Some fantasizes should stay just that. This is one of them in my opinion. What if she were to fall in love with him? She may feel really disrespected and devalued as well.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Cut back on the porn, it's warping your thinking and probably effecting your performance. Porn related ED is a real problem. 

As for your wife, do NOT tell her that "fantasy." Woman NEED to know their man treasures her. By telling her that you want another man to have her, In her mind, she rightly thinks that you don't love her.

You have a woman that know man touched, why would you want to lend her out like an old pick up truck when she's freaking rare Lamborghini.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You know your wife best. It could make things awkward for her.

Do you really want to try it or is the fantasy good enough?

I believe trying it would be disastrous but telling your wife about a specific long time friend is full of hazards.

Don't you think you have objectified your wife somewhat?

Your performance in bed is clearly mental. Maybe you could benefit from a little therapy or self reflection about your arousal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree. Do not tell your wife this fantasy. 

To most women it does not feel sexy for their spouse to want to watch them with another man. Instead what it makes us feel like is that our husband looks at us as a slab of meat to be passed around for his own use.

Also, this other guy is married. Where that that fit into your fantasy? Is destroying his wife and his marriage part of it?

Another point is that if you tell her of this fantasy, it will ruin the social relationship you two have with the other couple.

Most marriages who try this sort of thing do not survive. Are you ready for a divorce?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. How can you be a member with only 16 posts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, keep this your own personal fantasy, since it is working on that level. If it stops working for you eventually, find a new one. Do you really want to risk your relationship after so many years? However, you know your wife better than anyone, so only you can truly evaluate just how much risk is involved.

On the other hand, your thinking is eerily similar to that of a couple we met early this year. They're about your age, married for about as long, and he has the same fantasy. He did tell her, and she's been resisting it for some time. It was causing tension and problems between them. He wanted to see the wild side of her he liked when they first married, that has been submerged for many years. The main problem is that he was pressuring her to give this a try, and she didn't want to. I'm not quite sure why they told us all this, but we must seem trustworthy or something! lol

Anyway, the upshot was that we told him to back off. If she ever wanted to do this, she would have to be in charge of the decision and make it happen, as she was the one with reservations. We heard from them a few months later, and she had decided to go for it, surprisingly. Since then, they've joined a swinger site, have been to swinger clubs, and have made that - and many other - fantasies real. And they are both having a great time with it (we can tell, as we each talk to each of them separately), they both sound much happier with each other, and tell us that it's been great for their marriage. Yes, they had a few minor missteps at first, but they worked through them, together. Every couple of weeks they call to tell us about a new adventure they share together.

Could it have gone badly? Most definitely. We were very worried about them because they were very much at odds when we met them, and thought that it would cause more damage if they tried it. Happily, we were wrong about them.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. How can you be a member with only 16 posts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



He deletes his threads, last one I remember was his "friend" that had two affairs 30 years or so ago and was thinking about telling his wife. Follow up thread he was going to tell with their minister/counselor and he was caught in a sex scandal right before the man was going to confess...:scratchhead:


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Kristin- Very observant and a great memory. I'm impressed. I erase posts on here, Facebook, twitter, etc. And after a while I'll remove this one. Google your logon name and see what comes up. Try it!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

leon2100 said:


> Kristin- Very observant and a great memory. I'm impressed. I erase posts on here, Facebook, twitter, etc. And after a while I'll remove this one. Google your logon name and see what comes up. Try it!


I'm not very worried about that. My handle has nothing at all to do with my actual name in real life and I don't use it anywhere else.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

leon2100 said:


> Kristin- Very observant and a great memory. I'm impressed. I erase posts on here, Facebook, twitter, etc. And after a while I'll remove this one. Google your logon name and see what comes up. Try it!



I'm aware of this, I don't use a logon that could be connected with me personally here or anywhere else.

ETA:

Yes I do have a good memory, it is a blessing and a curse.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I agree. Do not tell your wife this fantasy.
> 
> To most women it does not feel sexy for their spouse to want to watch them with another man. Instead what it makes us feel like is that our husband looks at us as a slab of meat to be passed around for his own use.
> 
> ...


*For both of you and for the sake of your precious long-term marriage to each other, simply "let sleeping dogs lie!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> He deletes his threads, last one I remember was his "friend" that had two affairs 30 years or so ago and was thinking about telling his wife. Follow up thread he was going to tell with their minister/counselor and he was caught in a sex scandal right before the man was going to confess...:scratchhead:


Yeah. I knew but was wondering about his reasons. Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Conan... not you didn't LOL


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

leon2100 said:


> Conan... not you didn't LOL


Partially right. I realized right after I posted.

There was another Leon posting awhile back and wasn't sure if that was you as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

So OP is the friend you are fantasizing about the same one who cheated on his wife?


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## November (Nov 28, 2013)

I'd certainly go in the camp of not disclosing this fantasy. WAY to much risk vs. the benefit.... and I'd try to get it out of my mind.

Heck, doing well in the early 70s with a great LTR with a great wife?????

Why take any chance at all. Just imagine how this could backfire.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> So OP is the friend you are fantasizing about the same one who cheated on his wife?


Fantastic question. It makes sense, given the timeline and the fact he is a cheater already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoIinThreesome (Nov 6, 2007)

I'm a bit confused. 

Does telling an SO your fantasy necessarily mean you want to act on it? I have fantasies about my SO that I've told her about and that I have zero desire to make happen. I have other fantasies I've told her about that I'd like to try sometime. 

Imho, when you're in a committed relationship any fantasy involving another person with either party is best left in your head unless you are very, very sure it will be received well.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

leon2100 said:


> Married 50 years to a woman who has never been with another man. I’m 73 in good health and work out and so does she. *I’m a typical man with fantasies when pleasuring myself and one of those fantasies is seeing my wife with another guy… not just another guy but the husband of one her friends.* He flirts with her when we’re at parties and I can tell he really has the hots for her… for the past 30 years.
> 
> .....but then for the first time ever I began fantasizing her have sex with the other guy. I became very hard. My wife responded with several orgasms before I had a big one. And I stayed hard! The question is this:
> 
> Should I tell her about this fantasy? She says she never fantasize and has never expressed interest in me telling her any of my fantasies....


I also agree that most fantasies should stay fantasies, but I also have a slightly different perspective on how you and your wife can explore your fantasy. From my perspective there is NOTHING typical about your fantasy. Still to each their own.

You know your wife after 50 years. I doubt that she would be thrilled to have an extra-marital affair, even with permission, but that is something you would know better.

Still if you found it really exciting, you might tell her, but then tell her you love her way to much to share her with anyone. Then tell her that you really were excited by the thought and she seemed to enjoy the results of your excitement as well. THEN suggest that the two of you do some advanced sexual "roll playing" so you can relive the great sex you had, but just the two of you. 

That way you and your wife will be the only people involved, you can pretend to the man you want to see you wife having sex with. You can set up the scene with your wife in several ways depending on what she might feel comfortable with.

You can dress up differently and do a variation of the roll play where a stranger picks up your wife in a bar, but it is you pretending to be the other guy picking up your wife and taking her to a motel or home. You can talk about how guilty you feel cheating on this old friend of yours but that you just have to have her. She can get into the dialog as well to get your creative juices flowing.

You could alternately blindfold her on the bed, take her clothes off, then tell her you are going to leave or sit on a chair and then pretend to be the "other man" who opens the door to the bedroom and walks in and then approaches your wife, has foreplay with her and then has sex with her. You can even ask your wife to talk to you as if you were sitting in the room watching or you can carry on both sides of a conversation with the other man, greeting him as he enters the room, telling him you look forward to watching them, and congratulating him when he brings her to climax. 

The point is that exploring a fantasy 3-some doesn't always require bringing another person into your bedroom. The mind is our largest sex organ and as you found out by your own experience, it is easily tricked. 

Again, I would advise against trying to bring a 3rd person into your relationship. Your wife may even freak out at the through of it. She could feel you are trying to turn her into a tramp or something and no longer respect her. 

Only you and your wife will know how she might feel about this, so my suggestion is to go slow, but if you really want to experience what you have described, engage in some creative roll playing.

Good luck.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

I half-jokingly told my partner that I'd like to be in a threesome, having sex with her best friend. She (the friend) is hot, and I'm attracted to her too.

My partner took it in her stride. Of course, I would probably never do anything ever to make this happen. And my partner knows this.

Just a fantasy, maybe a shared fantasy....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Go for it.


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