# feeling hopeless



## eugorbskj (Jun 8, 2018)

My husband and I will be married 2 years next month. We were together 4 years prior to that. Over the last few years I have been thinking that this relationship is not what I want. But for some idiotic reason I still married him. Because I am in my 50s I feel like I had to settle so that is what I did. I also have a lot of feelings stirring around that are impacting things. I left my ex-husband for my current husband. My ex was not very active and did not like to do ANYTHING but drink and watch TV. My current husband and I have a many of the same likes and interests. However what I have come to realize is how much my ex loved me. He did many kind and thoughtful things which my current husband does none! A few months ago I toyed with contacting my ex and seeing if he wanted to get back together. But before I did, he died suddenly of a heart attack. Needless to say I am heartbroken and ridden with sadness and guilt. I now know that he was the one person who put me on a pedestal and for 20 years I rejected him. I never realized how good I had it. Now Karma has come back to bite me! I have tried for years with my husband to do nice little things hoping for reciprocity like sending him a message, writing him a note etc. But it never happens. He has never written me a note, bought me flowers for no reason, or ever purchased me anything nice just because. My husband and I had a big fight a few days ago. He refuses to talk to me or even acknowledge my presence. He is sleeping on the couch even though we said in the beginning that is something we would never do no matter how mad we were at each other. I have tried for the past two nights to talk to him and resolve this but he refuses to talk to me. Now I have lost all respect for him. I feel like he is acting like a whiney baby and is nothing but a phony. He is self centered and only considers his own feelings. He is estranged from his siblings and has a no relationship with his ex because he is an *******. I finally believe that I can do better. However, this is my third marriage and I really do not want a 4th but I just don't think this is going to last. Any advise, support or assistance is appreciated


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Just as a warning, you are probably going to get torched and I suppose you will somewhat expect that so I will spare you, what you have already come to realize about karma, etc.

- Do you have any kids and are you involved with them?

- What makes you truly happy, doing things on your own or do you have to 'be' with someone to feel fulfilled?

I'll respond after those answers.


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## eugorbskj (Jun 8, 2018)

My children are grown. He has three-- 21, 16 and 13. He gets them 50% of the time. I try to do things with them and be supportive but I hate to say I don't feel a connection to them. A lot of times my husband makes me feel like a third wheel. I may be wrong but I do not think there would be tears if I was no longer in the picture.
I do have to be with someone for ultimate enjoyment.
Thanks


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

eugorbskj said:


> My children are grown. He has three-- 21, 16 and 13. He gets them 50% of the time. I try to do things with them and be supportive but I hate to say I don't feel a connection to them. A lot of times my husband makes me feel like a third wheel. I may be wrong but I do not think there would be tears if I was no longer in the picture.
> I do have to be with someone for ultimate enjoyment.
> Thanks


I'm just wondering if you are close with your kids and can start to reach out to them more and to become more involved with their lives. You have tried the marriage thing a few times and it has led you to here, for whatever reason. I think it's time to talk with a counselor and figure out some things internally. 

I would focus on getting enjoyment without HAVING TO HAVE a significant other. That's not to say you won't have one in the future but the fact that you HAVE to be with someone for ultimate enjoyment is going to push in a direction to force yourself into having a partner. You have to be real happy with yourself first and then you can focus on what you really need or would look for in a life partner.

I'm just thinking out loud, not a counselor but if anything, what I'm saying is ... get a counselor/therapist, the sooner the better.


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