# separated but in the same house



## mimi44 (May 20, 2010)

Hi,I'm new here and just hoping for some advice or just a little support. My husband and I would have been married 13 years next Sat., but 3 weeks ago I found out he was cheating on me. I had suspected some time ago that something might be going on but the past 3 months things had gotten so good between I was really determined to make things work, until my brother-in-laws wife told me what was going on right under my nose, my husband runs a bar and its the cleaning lady that's keeping him company. I confronted her and she said "they were just dating" and his excuse was that I had neglected him and that she was good to him. Even after that I still asked if he wanted to work things out but he said no,so he moved into the spare bedroom, saying he would not bother me, he would stay there just to provide and for the kids. I was so angry and took action right away, I filed for divorce within a week, but he refuses to leave the house, and it turnes out I can't force him to leave until the divorce is final. It's been like this for 3 weeks, we don't talk to each other, I have refused any money he has offered, so he's basically here just to sleep, but i can't stand it, at first i was very angry and just wanted this over with, but now I'm really scared, I'm 44 and the thought of starting over scared me to death, I hadn't cried but I can't stop now, I'm crying all the time and not for him because my marriage is over, I don't even know why, I hate feeling sorry for myself, and everybody giving me a sorry look, I just hope that the 60 days I need to wait will go by fast. thanks for listening


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I can't imagine what you are going thru, I hope that in time you will heal. I am also separated but our circumstances are different. I don't really know what to say except that I hope you can be strong and I am a believer that thing happen for a reason. I hope things work out in your favor and be strong.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Mimi44...trust me that living in the same house after what you've been through is the worst thing right now...you won't be able to fully process all that's happened (reasons) until you get some time away and alone..the being '44' and afraid are totally understandable emotions but (even though this isn't what you want to hear right now) it will ease up..you totally have him by the balls right now so you must not be mrs.nice girl anymore..you have to show him you mean business and stand firm even if you don't feel like you can..I don't know if the 60 days will pass fast enough but you must remember why you're doing it and not WHY HE DID IT until you can think without him in the house..JMO..sorry for the pain..we all know it and it ain't fun.


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## mimi44 (May 20, 2010)

thanks for your words, sometimes to hear them from someone you don't even know really helps, I know that I haven't fully processed what is happening because at the end of the day he still comes home, but the thought that he's with here and then comes home to sleep just kills me. 2daughters, you're right I do have him by the balls, my brother-in-law works with him and he tells him everything, and then my BIL tells his wife, and without him knowin she tells me everything, and she says that he is scared, because he will be left out on the street once the divorce is final


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Been separated over 4 weeks now, and I'm 44 in Sept. Scares the crap out of me to be single again, have to try and figure out finances and all that. But as the days go, the fear gets less and less, and you just move on. You definitely need to be away from him asap, so that you can grieve and start the healing process. I couldn't do that if I saw my wife every day, impossible to do it like that. It will get better when he is gone, hang in there.


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