# Anyone else?



## Jodi999 (6 mo ago)

do any other wives use condoms when giving a handjob?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Never heard of that in my life and if I we’re your husband, I’d be hurt and offended.

Semen smells that bad? I didn’t know.

Put a towel on the bed. Find out why his semen smells so bad. It shouldn’t. Maybe a medical reason that can be fixed?

No, your condom hand job thing is weird and abnormal.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

That's... different. It's not like the smell or feeling of condoms is great either. 

There are solutions, like using your mouth when it gets dry instead of lube, using a towel or just not touching the sheets, using less lube or something different, washing your hands afterwards... 

Apparently some men use condoms when masturbating so 🤷🏻‍♂️ To each their own.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Jodi999 said:


> since getting married I’ve never liked giving handjobs because of sticky lube hands and the mess they can make on sheets. and smelling semen gives me gag reflex. so now I put a condom on him before starting the hand job. do any other wives use condoms too when giving a handjob? my husband thinks its weird but he has been mostly supportive so far.


Uh...nope. I'm a wife, and we use coconut oil so it's not "sticky lube" and feels kind of like hand lotion that absorbs into the skin. As for the mess on the sheets, like the other folks mentioned we would use a towel maybe but in my opinion it's not that big of a deal. Shoot a kleenex might do the trick! LOL And finally regarding the smell of semen, I've always found it to smell (and taste) pretty good--kinda sexy and salty!

I think I'd feel kind of disconnected if we were doing a sexual activity like that and had a condom in the way. I get it as a birth control method, but for a handjob? Nah, not my cuppa tea. 👎


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Wow, just wow. What “today’s husband” tolerates is truly mind blowing.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ever read something and just think to yourself......WHY????


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I hate the smell of condoms.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

In that case, I don't want a hand job. 

Try him drinking pineapple juice. It should improve the smell/taste of semen.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, I think that’s just you.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

RebuildingMe said:


> Wow, just wow. What “today’s husband” tolerates is truly mind blowing.


I was going to say the same thing!
What kind of men we have these days (can we even call them men?)


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Kaliber said:


> I was going to say the same thing!
> What kind of men we have these days (can we even call them men?)


No we can't.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jodi999 said:


> since getting married I’ve never liked giving handjobs because of sticky lube hands and the mess they can make on sheets. and smelling semen kinda gives me gag reflex. so I put a condom on him before starting the hand job. do any other wives use condoms too when giving a handjob? my husband thinks its weird but he has been mostly supportive so far.


What H would tolerate such a thing?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> That's... different. It's not like the smell or feeling of condoms is great either.
> 
> There are solutions, like using your mouth when it gets dry instead of lube, using a towel or just not touching the sheets, using less lube or something different, washing your hands afterwards...
> 
> Apparently some men use condoms when masturbating so 🤷🏻‍♂️ To each their own.


I guess. Trying to be understanding but just can't get there for this. Something else is in the mix. What H would accept this as a norm. Wow.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> In that case, I don't want a hand job.
> 
> Try him drinking pineapple juice. It should improve the smell/taste of semen.


She should have a shot or two of tequila first with a pina colada chaser, that would help more.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In the words of my hero the Black Adder, “I have a cunning plan….”
Instead of hand jobs, OP could let her husband put his PP I’m her vajayjay and he could release that stinky gizz inside her.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

We have to go commando because I used all my condoms for leaf bags.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Jodi999 said:


> since getting married I’ve never liked giving handjobs because of sticky lube hands and the mess they can make on sheets. and smelling semen kinda gives me gag reflex. so I put a condom on him before starting the hand job. do any other wives use condoms too when giving a handjob? my husband thinks its weird but he has been mostly supportive so far.


So, should we assume that you don’t give him blowjobs either?
This seems like a very unusual dynamic, do you use condoms for sex, and how often are you intimate? 
How would you describe the sexual dynamics in your marriage?


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I think this is one OP that will not return!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Tested_by_stress said:


> We have to go commando because I used all my condoms for leaf bags.


Reminds me of a fruity beer I tasted recently. It was pretty good. Never knew they made this….


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Nope, no condom.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Hoosier said:


> I think this is one OP that will not return!


Things are certainly weird in here lately 🤔


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I guess. Trying to be understanding but just can't get there for this. Something else is in the mix. What H would accept this as a norm. Wow.


Could be better than nothing, I suppose?


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Jodi999 said:


> since getting married I’ve never liked giving handjobs because of sticky lube hands and the mess they can make on sheets. and smelling semen kinda gives me gag reflex. so I put a condom on him before starting the hand job. do any other wives use condoms too when giving a handjob? my husband thinks its weird but he has been mostly supportive so far.


I'll take it that a BJ is completely out of the question then?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It really doesn't matter what others think, if you are both ok about it then carry on.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> Could be better than nothing, I suppose?


I hear you, but no.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I hear you, but no.


Yeah, thinking about it more, I'd pass.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I think the OP has every right not to do it if she hates it without a condom. The impact on their relationship is to be debated. If the husband is ok with it, then it’s fine. If he is not, he is going to divorce his wife over it?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I think the OP has every right not to do it if she hates it without a condom. The impact on their relationship is to be debated. If the husband is ok with it, then it’s fine. If he is not, he is going to divorce his wife over it?


The insistence that a condom must be used is very likely only a sign of deeper issues. 

If he's not fine with it? How he handles it is up to him. 😉😉🤣🤣


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

bobert said:


> Could be better than nothing, I suppose?


I rather tell her no thanks and then use my own hand.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

If you try something 15 times you start to like it. I used to hate olives I tried one every so often and now I love them. Your husband's semen is part of him. If you love him keep tasting/trying just a little, just for a moment- like you'd tell your kids to with their veggies. 

The first time my mind told me it would be disgusting but it's not and after a few times you begin to love the taste especially after the response you will likely get. Also, it's good for you ;-) if he is a good man, who loves you and treats you well and you love him this is something you can give him that will transform his life/experience of sex. The barriers are as rubbish for you as they are for him. 

It is weird and you both deserve better. 

All the very best!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> I rather tell her no thanks and then use my own hand.


🤣🤣🤣 she may feel better if she only watches, only if shes wearing a mask. You know, the smell.

I apologize in advance for being a little tactless in my response.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 🤣🤣🤣 she may feel better if she only watches, only if shes wearing a mask. You know, the smell.
> 
> I apologize in advance for being a little tactless in my response.


I'm ready for sex time, hun!!!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Can’t post a photo. Damn


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> I'm ready for sex time, hun!!!
> View attachment 88654


So funny. I need that. How do I post a photo


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> So funny. I need that. How do I post a photo


That was hilarious.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jodi999 said:


> since getting married I’ve never liked giving handjobs because of sticky lube hands and the mess they can make on sheets. and smelling semen kinda gives me gag reflex. so I put a condom on him before starting the hand job. do any other wives use condoms too when giving a handjob? my husband thinks its weird but he has been mostly supportive so far.


Mrs. Conan likes it all. She also doesn't like to waste it. She wants it in her so we have never had sex of any kind without it going in her.

Condoms for hand jobs seems weird honestly.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)




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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Condoms for hand jobs seems weird honestly.


This is a bullet her husband should have seen coming.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> This is a bullet her husband should have seen coming.


I just can’t fathom how her husband or any husband would tolerate this. 
Wondering if they are both very young and extremely inexperienced? But even then…


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## DarrenLondon (7 mo ago)

Personally, yeah, I'd feel put back if my missus found me and my cum that gross. But there's quite a bit going on in that post and I don't think talk about "a husband shouldn't tolerate this" is very helpful. If it comes to sex it's got to work for both or it's going to work for neither. If it's just a "technical" thing maybe try different lubes - coconut oil, baby lotion, maybe that'll feel better. As for the mess, well - (good) sex tends to be messy, humans are squidgy  May be worth asking why there's such a strong dislike of messiness and if the OP could try to learn to tolerate that more.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Jodi999 said:


> do any other wives use condoms when giving a handjob?


Jodi, are you worried about contracting a STD from your H?

As far as I know STDs cannot be contracted from intact skin, except for mucus membranes lips, tongue, inside of mouth, genitals and anus. If you have open sores on your hand this might be a another exception.

I gotta tell you if this happened to me I would feel very unloved, this sounds like something a prostitute would do or medical personnel in a hospital.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

Does your husband wear a glove when he touches your vagina?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Fly With Me said:


> If you try something 15 times you start to like it. I used to hate olives I tried one every so often and now I love them. Your husband's semen is part of him. If you love him keep tasting/trying just a little, just for a moment- like you'd tell your kids to with their veggies.
> 
> The first time my mind told me it would be disgusting but it's not and after a few times you begin to love the taste especially after the response you will likely get. Also, it's good for you ;-) if he is a good man, who loves you and treats you well and you love him this is something you can give him that will transform his life/experience of sex. The barriers are as rubbish for you as they are for him.
> 
> ...


Ew. Like making your kid eat his veggies? Not everyone ever begins to "love the taste." Not everyone's even tastes the same. Some people have really gloppy thick semen that is like eating snot and is totally disgusting, and some people have tolerable thin semen and not too much of it or will be gracious enough to keep it out of your mouth and off your face. 

You don't have to let him come in your mouth. It is weird about the handjob UNLESS he is one of those who has too much thick gloppy mess and you'd rather not have to clean up and change sheets every time you do it. But in that case, use a few paper towels to catch it, but not a condom UNLESS you are afraid he will suddenly put his penis in your vagina in the throes of passion and impregnate you, in which case, get on birth control pills or something. 

I know someone who said the guy she lived with had so much force and volume that his semen hit the ceiling and then he wouldn't clean it off and she'd have to. I'm quite sure she didn't want to "finish" him with her mouth, that's for sure.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Ew. Like making your kid eat his veggies? Not everyone ever begins to "love the taste." Not everyone's even tastes the same. *Some people have really gloppy thick semen that is like eating snot *and is totally disgusting, and some people have tolerable thin semen and not too much of it or will be gracious enough to keep it out of your mouth and off your face.
> 
> You don't have to let him come in your mouth. It is weird about the handjob UNLESS he is one of those who has too much thick gloppy mess and you'd rather not have to clean up and change sheets every time you do it. But in that case, use a few paper towels to catch it, but not a condom UNLESS you are afraid he will suddenly put his penis in your vagina in the throes of passion and impregnate you, in which case, get on birth control pills or something.
> 
> I know someone who said the guy she lived with had so much force and volume that his semen hit the ceiling and then he wouldn't clean it off and she'd have to. I'm quite sure she didn't want to "finish" him with her mouth, that's for sure.


So. Very. Vivid. 😳

😁😂😉🤭


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It is weird about the handjob UNLESS he is one of those who has too much thick gloppy mess and you'd rather not have to clean up and change sheets every time you do it.
> 
> I know someone who said the guy she lived with had so much force and volume that his semen hit the ceiling and then he wouldn't clean it off and she'd have to.


It's not difficult for the man to warn his partner that he's about to finish, and for his partner to put their hand around the head to catch whatever comes out... Or use a cloth or something if it's actually going to overflow out of the hand or they just don't want it touching their hand. 

Men can contain the mess, and so can their partners.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Ew. Like making your kid eat his veggies? Not everyone ever begins to "love the taste." Not everyone's even tastes the same. Some people have really gloppy thick semen that is like eating snot and is totally disgusting, and some people have tolerable thin semen and not too much of it or will be gracious enough to keep it out of your mouth and off your face.
> 
> You don't have to let him come in your mouth. It is weird about the handjob UNLESS he is one of those who has too much thick gloppy mess and you'd rather not have to clean up and change sheets every time you do it. But in that case, use a few paper towels to catch it, but not a condom UNLESS you are afraid he will suddenly put his penis in your vagina in the throes of passion and impregnate you, in which case, get on birth control pills or something.
> 
> I know someone who said the guy she lived with had so much force and volume that his semen hit the ceiling and then he wouldn't clean it off and she'd have to. I'm quite sure she didn't want to "finish" him with her mouth, that's for sure.


I almost vomited reading that first paragraph!

I mean, all semen is disgusting to me but thick and gloppy 🤮


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> But in that case, use a few paper towels to catch it, but not a condom UNLESS you are afraid he will suddenly put his penis in your vagina in the throes of passion and impregnate you, in which case, get on birth control pills or something


Yes! You nailed it! He’s raping her during his condom infused handjob. You are so smart to figure this out! Men are such PIGS!!! 🤮🤮


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Yes! You nailed it! He’s raping her during his condom infused handjob. You are so smart to figure this out! Men are such PIGS!!! 🤮🤮


Is he raping her hand? Or if she puts on the condom is that considered a yes, do me now, ravish my hand, you hot stud you?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OP posted once, never to return. Maybe she read a few replies. Although responses varied wildly perhaps she learned a bit that the condom thing will not help to create a good relationship.

Or, perhaps it was a guy posting, questioning his relationship with his hand.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The insistence that a condom must be used is very likely only a sign of deeper issues.


Maybe she doesn't like the smell of semen? Could be as simple as that, but I guess we will never now.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DarrenLondon said:


> Personally, yeah, I'd feel put back if my missus found me and my cum that gross. But there's quite a bit going on in that post and I don't think talk about "a husband shouldn't tolerate this" is very helpful. If it comes to sex it's got to work for both or it's going to work for neither. If it's just a "technical" thing maybe try different lubes - coconut oil, baby lotion, maybe that'll feel better. As for the mess, well - (good) sex tends to be messy, humans are squidgy  May be worth asking why there's such a strong dislike of messiness and if the OP could try to learn to tolerate that more.


Kindly, all obvious recycling of solutions offered. You'd think it would be this simple, but there are deeper issues at play. Or may be the poster is a hit and run and not interested in any responses that don't validate her actions. That's most likely in this case.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LOL...I'm a little late to this one. 

Just sitting back with my popcorn....


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


In Absentia said:



Maybe she doesn't like the smell of semen? Could be as simple as that, but I guess we will never now.

Click to expand...

*LOL...I'm banking it likely isn't a female, and probably under the age of 18. 🤣 🤣


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> It's not difficult for the man to warn his partner that he's about to finish, and for his partner to put their hand around the head to catch whatever comes out... Or use a cloth or something if it's actually going to overflow out of the hand or they just don't want it touching their hand.
> 
> Men can contain the mess, and so can their partners.


Contain things!
No, it's always like hey set me free! I'm free!

I'm out I'm out I'm oouuttt!!!!

Where can I get to this time ???!!!!

Sorry, having a flashback. 

Last night W greeted me with a BLT sandwich and a cold drink, and told me to eat up, I need to perform my husbandly duty, shes horny. I was naturally agreeable being the great guy I am.

Afterwards she told me welcome home! wink wink.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

Yes ew was the thought that came to mind reading this. And sadness for men and everything they tolerate. Sadness at how I used to be. 

Men can change the taste with their diet - protein shakes etc. If it really is _that_ unpalatable. 

If you are in love with your husband, respect him and are attracted to him this is one of the most loving things you can do - for both of you.

For my husband, it makes him feel loved and accepted on the deepest level. So even if I didn't like the taste it would be worth it for that alone. 

Learning to love something that is so loving and bonding and special for him is beautiful not disgusting.

And if you find a part of a man so disgusting perhaps you need to let him go and find someone who _can_ adore all of him!



DownByTheRiver said:


> Ew. Like making your kid eat his veggies? Not everyone ever begins to "love the taste." Not everyone's even tastes the same. Some people have really gloppy thick semen that is like eating snot and is totally disgusting, and some people have tolerable thin semen and not too much of it or will be gracious enough to keep it out of your mouth and off your face.
> 
> You don't have to let him come in your mouth. It is weird about the handjob UNLESS he is one of those who has too much thick gloppy mess and you'd rather not have to clean up and change sheets every time you do it. But in that case, use a few paper towels to catch it, but not a condom UNLESS you are afraid he will suddenly put his penis in your vagina in the throes of passion and impregnate you, in which case, get on birth control pills or something.
> 
> I know someone who said the guy she lived with had so much force and volume that his semen hit the ceiling and then he wouldn't clean it off and she'd have to. I'm quite sure she didn't want to "finish" him with her mouth, that's for sure.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Fly With Me said:


> Yes ew was the thought that came to mind reading this. And sadness for men and everything they tolerate. Sadness at how I used to be.
> 
> Men can change the taste with their diet - protein shakes etc. If it really is _that_ unpalatable.
> 
> ...


If only my wife thought this. She finds semen disgusting. She says the thought of giving me a BJ makes her sick to her stomach. She won’t put her head anywhere near my crotch at all. The only time she touches me there is when we are about to have missionary intercourse which is the only position she will do. She will give the occasional HJ but it’s forced with no lube and she wants it to be quick. If she gets semen on her she immediately goes to wash her hands. Been that way for over 20 years and the only time she desired sex was when we tried for our kids. 

I live in a sexless marriage for the most part and miss so much what a BJ is like. I can’t even remember them now. I feel inadequate in the manhood department because my wife doesn’t desire it at all. The only reason I haven’t left is divorce will be financially devastating for me and I don’t want the kids to be in a split household.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

If she doesn't want you anymore (and from your previous posts perhaps never did) she should let you go.

She is basically prostituting herself. It's not good for either of you.

By her own admission she trapped you into marriage. 

You have to be prepared to leave for anything to change or she can't respect you. And if she can't respect you she can't desire you deeply which is a prerequisite for wanting a man inside us in anyway.

You both get to choose and really live. Or keep the status quo and die a little every day.

I was once like your wife. My husband almost left. It changed me in all the best ways. Including this one ;-)

I am so glad he had the courage to risk it all.

All the best!



GoodDad5 said:


> If only my wife thought this. She finds semen disgusting. She says the thought of giving me a BJ makes her sick to her stomach. She won’t put her head anywhere near my crotch at all. The only time she touches me there is when we are about to have missionary intercourse which is the only position she will do. She will give the occasional HJ but it’s forced with no lube and she wants it to be quick. If she gets semen on her she immediately goes to wash her hands. Been that way for over 20 years and the only time she desired sex was when we tried for our kids.
> 
> I live in a sexless marriage for the most part and miss so much what a BJ is like. I can’t even remember them now. I feel inadequate in the manhood department because my wife doesn’t desire it at all. The only reason I haven’t left is divorce will be financially devastating for me and I don’t want the kids to be in a split household.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Fly With Me said:


> If she doesn't want you anymore (and from your previous posts perhaps never did) she should let you go.
> 
> She is basically prostituting herself. It's not good for either of you.
> 
> ...


If you don’t mind me asking, what happened for y’all to get to that point and what did you change?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

GoodDad5 said:


> If only my wife thought this. She finds semen disgusting. She says the thought of giving me a BJ makes her sick to her stomach. She won’t put her head anywhere near my crotch at all. The only time she touches me there is when we are about to have missionary intercourse which is the only position she will do. She will give the occasional HJ but it’s forced with no lube and she wants it to be quick. If she gets semen on her she immediately goes to wash her hands. Been that way for over 20 years and the only time she desired sex was when we tried for our kids.
> 
> I live in a sexless marriage for the most part and miss so much what a BJ is like. I can’t even remember them now. I feel inadequate in the manhood department because my wife doesn’t desire it at all. The only reason I haven’t left is divorce will be financially devastating for me and I don’t want the kids to be in a split household.


How old are your kids, and are you doing anything to fix the financial part? If not, complaining with no action gets you what i I I’ve always gotten


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

There's a lot. It absolutely blew up my world view, sense of self etc. when I realised he was seriously considering leaving me. He was a codependent nice guy who was too afraid of me leaving him alone to call me on any of my crap. I got so angry with him trying to reach him (it just shut him down) and in the end I shut down.

What changed was being completely honest with eachother. Me taking responsibility for my own sexual experiences. Him stopping being a 'nice guy' and telling me the truth. Reading/following an amazing life coach called Michelle Terrell. 

Once I realised what life was actually like for him, with me, that he felt totally unloved, manipulated, used, betrayed and trapped I really took a look at myself in the mirror and changed. I was gutted and heartbroken that that had been his experience for so many years. 

I followed people and took courses to understand men better.

I also began to respect him more as he stood up for himself, set boundaries, took care of his appearance and was truly honest and transparent with me for the first time.

I also realised that I couldn't trap him back into relationship with me. I had to really love him or let him go. The night I dug deep and realised I was truly in love with him was the night I gve him a bj for the first time. It was a beautiful, life changing experience for both of us and I am gutted for all the wasted years. And for all men, who are too afraid to require more of your women and yourselves. 

It was the hardest experience of my life but it was worth it and I am so grateful to my husband for his courage.



GoodDad5 said:


> If you don’t mind me asking, what happened for y’all to get to that point and what did you change?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Ugh, don’t read through this entire thread after lunch. Or before lunch.

Okay, maybe not at all.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Fly With Me said:


> There's a lot. It absolutely blew up my world view, sense of self etc. when I realised he was seriously considering leaving me. He was a codependent nice guy who was too afraid of me leaving him alone to call me on any of my crap. I got so angry with him trying to reach him (it just shut him down) and in the end I shut down.
> 
> What changed was being completely honest with eachother. Me taking responsibility for my own sexual experiences. Him stopping being a 'nice guy' and telling me the truth. Reading/following an amazing life coach called Michelle Terrell.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing! I’ve talked with my wife ad nauseam about what our sex life or lack thereof is for me and she just gets mad/upset with me. 

How did your husband broach the subject on wanting to leave that got this conversation started? If you don’t want to share that I do understand.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

It's not just your sex life though I'm
guessing? Her lack of respect shows up everywhere right?

He told me about how unloved he felt in everyway. And showed me some messages between him and an old flame he was well on the way to having an emotional affair with. 💣💣💣

It wasn't one conversation it was many over a three week period.

I'd recommend getting to the same place of being done with all disrespect, including, but not exclusively, sexual disrespect. I wouldn't recommend the entanglement with another woman! 

Your wife will be able to feel your energy. 
We know when you're serious and when you're bluffing. 

It terrified him to have those conversations with me, he thought he would lose me, but he did it anyway. It exhilarated him to have those conversations with me, he finally knew his own worth and refused to settle for anything less.

He was totally vulnerable. He didn't attack me. He let me see all of him - the anger, the pain, the hate. He was just fully himself for the first time in our marriage and I adored him for it. 

It was like seeing the man I always knew was in there, on the outside, for the first time!!

There isn't a script. Speak from your heart and your experience. It's more than 'just sex' but most women don't understand that. 

And don't share to get something from her or to change her. Share for you. Speak your experience for you. Regardless of her reaction. Her reaction simply tells you if she gets a chance to be with you going forward or not. If she ever truly loved you then there's hope. If she has always just been using you better to know sooner than later. 

You could try showing her some of the guys sharing on 'forgiven wife', that might reach her in a way you can't. Hearing man after man say the same thing as you have said for years can be surprisingly powerful. And can sometimes break the fog of entitlement and unwillingness to see that your needs are different to her needs but no less important or beautiful. You could also try 'His needs, her needs' on that topic. 

But likely nothing will change, until you are prepared to leave _if_ nothing changes! Tough truth. But truth!

All the best.



GoodDad5 said:


> Thank you for sharing! I’ve talked with my wife ad nauseam about what our sex life or lack thereof is for me and she just gets mad/upset with me.
> 
> How did your husband broach the subject on wanting to leave that got this conversation started? If you don’t want to share that I do understand.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Reminds me of a fruity beer I tasted recently. It was pretty good. Never knew they made this….
> View attachment 88651


now, about that book ...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Notice:- *No more threadjacking, please!


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

No. Never used a condom for a hand job. Not for a boy friend or husband. I don’t even like the feel of condoms . I figure these kinds of things are what soap and water are for. Or just plan ahead alittle and keep a towel handy.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Looks like OP is long gone.
Hopefully she onboarded the information that her situation is highly unusual and potentially problematic, or at least an indicator of a less-than-ideal marriage intimacy dynamic worthy of further consideration.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

Lol - one post drive-by OP and now at 4 pages. Classic TAM 😂


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

gr8ful1 said:


> Lol - one post drive-by OP and now at 4 pages. Classic TAM 😂


There’s been a rash of that lately on TAM.


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