# I Think I'm losing my husband after only a month



## SadandWorriednewlywed (Aug 20, 2012)

this is our story in began 1 year and 7 months ago we met online and became great friends spoke every day for a year, in that time frame he expressed his feelings to me and while I was fond of him I couldn't wrap my head around our age difference him being 8 years younger. But I never lost him as a friend then in Oct 2011 I began to not see the age difference and I fell in love, only he was engaged and the wedding date was set for a month later. He made the choice to be with me, and not marry the other woman. It took 5 months for us to move in together, we had some romantic times back then, I used to fall asleep on the phone just listening to him.

We married in July 2012, it was something we've been talking about since November '11 when he did ask me lol. We as a couple were doing great before then, not even a month after our wedding he contacts his ex via facebook. At that point I was under the idea that he couldn't stand her anymore after moving in with me he removed her from facebook and blocked her saying he's done and free.

So 2 weeks ago he tells me while at my sister's apt that he was talking to her over text msgs, I was pissed to put it bluntly, this is a woman that would hound him daily after they broke up and he was seeing me just for sex, this woman went out of her way to find me on facebook to tell me they had sex before he moved in with me. Yes I find her a threat, they were engaged for 2 years and together for 4, they have alot of history I'm glad they don't have children together.

Any way while at my sister's I asked to read the texts, he wouldn't let me. so next morning I got up first and took his phone I had to read them, my gut was telling me something wasn't right. When I opened the msg file it was empty he had erased them, I was getting worried. So later that same week he was on facebook again talking to her and I was there reading what was being said, it was just her flirting and searching for compliments. The I realized if I wanted to know what would going on I'd have to get into his facebook, so one day while he was off with our roommate getting some dinner I did.

What I found made my heart drop I haven't been the same since. There was msg after msg of him saying he made a mistake he thought he loved me but it was her he really loves, massages about how he wants to move back home and my not letting him. He even told her that I don't please him sexually, everything he said was like he was trying to get back with her, she was even telling him to divorce me now so I have to pay alimony. He told her I was a ***** worse that she ever was, and this woman didn't buy food for him only fed him her scraps she treated him like a pet!

I was livid I called him up and yelled at him and when he got home I told him to get the hell outta my house, we ended up talking he said that he only told her those things they weren't true. I don't know what to do, we've only has sex 6 times this month last month at this time we had sex ruffly 20 times!

I don't know what to do this woman has texted him telling him to fix it acting like it was her marriage, But me I'm freaking out every time I look at him I think was he lying to me? Does he regret marrying me? What type a closer makes a person tell his ex he doesn't love his wife? Is he going to cheat on me?

Every day I wanna cry, I love him so much, but I'm losing or I've lost him. ;(


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## SadandWorriednewlywed (Aug 20, 2012)

help? I'm losing sleep over this.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Sad', is this your first marriage? If so, you have joined a not so select group whose marriages failed and your advantage is that yours hasn't lasted as long as others.
If you've been married before, then it would appear that you leaped before looking and need to take it more slowly should there be a next one.
Good Luck


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

You were the "other woman" he ended his long term relationship to be with, and now you're wondering if he will leave you as well? Of course he will.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Put your thread into the Coping with Fidelity section, you will get more responses closer to what you are looking for


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I would say, being that you just got married, and he's already cheating (yes, I myself would consider this cheating), then you should just find a lawyer get your M annulled..He obviously still is in love with his ExG, and this will not be the last time he talks to her if you stay. 

You need to start thinking of where you are going to live, and how you will support yourself. 

And DO NOT GET PREGNANT! You will be in more of a mess if you do get pregnant. Less options altogether and it will make the decision to leave harder. If you two are still intimate, then use protection, or stop having sex with him altogether.


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## LFin (Aug 18, 2012)

First, I am so sorry that you are going through this! To me it kinda seems like he needed an excuse to get out of the relationship he was in. I personally would not be okay with him talking that way to her, even if he was lying. But before you make any decisions, you should talk to him again, calmly and get his full side of the story. Also, ask him to not speak with her anymore. When he chose you he should have closed the door completely with her. Hope everything works out. Be strong!


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

ShawnD said:


> You were the "other woman" he ended his long term relationship to be with, and now you're wondering if he will leave you as well? Of course he will.


you pretty much walked in, destroyed a long term relationship and expect for him to treat you differently than he treated her?

seriously?

He's banging her if anything. Lose him? Maybe. You rolled that dice when you decided to pursue a relationship with a taken man.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Leave him. Print his Facebook messages and her a lawyer. Have the marriage annulled on the ground that he was unfaithful. He left another women for you, of course he will go off and do the same to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Tikii said:


> Leave him. Print his Facebook messages and her a lawyer. Have the marriage annulled on the ground that he was unfaithful. He left another women for you, of course he will go off and do the same to you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is probably the easiest way to go. Being 8 years older, I would assume you have more money than him, so divorce would be an uphill fight. Anything that allows you to walk away with all of your stuff is worth checking out. Do it as soon as possible. You can keep sleeping with him if you want, but staying married to him risks losing a lot of your stuff.


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## SadandWorriednewlywed (Aug 20, 2012)

While I thank you all for your replies I feel that I should clear some issues up here. There seems to be and understanding that I went after him, when it was the other way around. We've been best friends for a year and in that year he waited for me.

Also there is no banging the other woman because she lives in a another city half way across the country, so highly impossible. Also he's willing to go to marriage counselling and he has completely stop speaking to her. He even agreed to having to police call her to stop electronic harassing any one of us. We spent the day I found everything telling her to leave us alone, I believe that she's emotionally unstable and believed she was his wife and not me. She actually told him to fix this or she's going to do something she'll regret later.

I highly doubt I'll be getting pregnant any time soon, we've been trying since April and still not pregnant.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

He was engaged with a wedding planned when you "fell in love with him". He's been communicating with her and telling her he might have married the wrong woman. He might have even had sex with her after he "chose to be with you". Now that you found out about it he's acting like she's some sort of a nutjob. As if he had nothing at all to do with it.

You aren't going to lose your husband.

He was never yours to begin with.


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## ColumbusC (Aug 21, 2012)

you leaped before looking and need to take it more slowly should there be a next one.


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## SadandWorriednewlywed (Aug 20, 2012)

Be that as it may I also said he was engaged for 2 years its wasn't their first wedding date, each time it has come close to the date she always left him.

Let me explain something about this woman it might make me even more of a man stealer, but at this point that's all I am to you people any way. This woman is legally blind can't get a drivers license, she would nag everyone to be her driver lived off his parent's while receiving disability never paid them rent, has used his own parents against him. Never bought food only gave him what she could not finish, most of the time when me and him were talking as friends he was eating taco bell sauce packets cause that's all he had. She would bring friends over all the time then nag him about not spending time with her. And in his own words she is slowly dying from multiple medical problems. Did I mean to fall in love no did I fight it hell yes, when we met he wasn't seeing her, but for me it was the age difference, but there was something there always has been.

I should tell you that I did find a lie in what he said to her online, He told he he always wears a bracelet she gave him and hardly the wedding band I bought, when that's not true the only time he takes his wedding band off is while in the shower the last he wore that bracelet is the day we moved in together.

Sharkeey your so wrong in all of your assumptions for one that "planned wedding" was a trip to the courthouse because his parents told him if he married her to move out. Second you know how I know he didn't have sex with her is because she didn't know how he got here she claimed he flew when he didn't and the msg was sent 3 months after he moved, the only people he told he was leaving was his parents.

This isn't the first time she's tried to say he cheated on me. Now while most of you think i stole my husband, the fact is that's not what this post was about, I love my husband very much and while most of you are quick to leave and divorce and start again, I'm willing to work and make something great into something better and stronger.

Marriage isn't something that just happens people It's something you work on daily. If you want a strong happy marriage with your spouse giving up isn't how its going to happen. I came here for advice on how to deal with this, it has hit a emotional blow to me that is extremely hard to recover from and all you people can say is divorced leave run away. Your all sad I hope your marriages are strong enough to last, cause in my heart and soul I know me and my husband despite his mistakes will do our hardest to work on ourselves and our marriage.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

SadandWorriednewlywed said:


> I came here for advice on how to deal with this


And you got it.

You just don't like it.

And that's quite understandable. 

Good luck with your marriage, I hope it works out for you.

Not a good time to have a baby though, you might want to curtail those plans until the dust settles a bit.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

You going advice, you just don't like the advice you received. I feel like you know it is correct for the most part and that's why it hits so close and hurts.

You are correct that marriage doesn't just happen, but that doesn't mean you need to put up with a man who doesn't respect you or your relationship. I firmly believe he would never have told you about his conversations with her had you not caught him.

I also think it is unreasonable to call those of us who provided advice said because you don't like what we have to say. Just because he lied to her about a piece of jewelry doesn't mean he is telling you the truth. He could be taking his ring off when you aren't around. It showed that he wanted her to believe that he wore it, to make her feel important. I don't see that as a good thing.

Also, I sincerely believe he lied to you when he claimed he had nothing to eat but sauce packets because she wouldn't let him. No normal grown man would just accept that kind of behavior or entertain it. Its easier for him to make her out to be crazy to rationalize his behavior. That's just my opinion.

If that's the kind of marriage you want to be in, goodluck, I hope we are wrong and everything works out, but I suggest waiting to have kids. It isn't fair to bring the into unstable homes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Izzie (Aug 17, 2012)

I'm not going to give you a hard time about whether you were the other woman or whether you stole your husband from his ex or tell you what goes around comes around... You don't want to hear that. I still don't think you will like my response though. I'm going to put it to you straight because I think you are in some denial here. What the other woman is like or how horrible she is or how she didn't cook for him or whether she is blind or not is completely irrelevant. 

This is the bottom line: Your husband wants out of the marriage and he wants to be with her. End of story. There is a possibility that he has fidelity issues and is playing you both. In that case, do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? Having children with this man is a BAD idea. Horrible idea...

Here's the positive side: You're a month in so you can get an annulment and claim fraud. You don't have kids. Listen to me, marriage is HARD. If you are dealing with this after a month, you can most likely forget about it 20 years from now. You sound young and it sounds like your first marriage. I could be wrong.

Good luck. Let us know how it works out. Focus on the information you have at hand. Your husband is cheating on you emotionally and in his mind your marriage is over. I would let go.


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