# Wife having trouble with orgasm...



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife has recently had some trouble climaxing. This has been the case whether she has been masturbating (she has tried using her hands, the bath faucet, and a vibrator), when I give her oral, or when we have PIV (even if I stimulate her cl!t with my fingers or the vibe while penetrating her, which almost never fails).

This has been going on for a few weeks now. Previously, she has been multi-orgasmic (somtimes 20 or more orgasms when we have sex), and she can have an orgasm from masturbation (tub faucet or fingers) generally within 5 to 10 minutes. Needless to say, it has been a source of frustration for her. It has definitely affected her mood in a not-so-positive way.

The way she describes it, she says she can't "find that spot" like she usually can. She has also told me that when I have licked her cl!t or rubbed it with my fingers, I haven't been "hitting the spot" like I usually do (I almost never have trouble finding "her spot", I know exactly where it is!).

It seems like some sort of loss of clitoral sensitivity to me. My first thought was that she was overusing the vibrator, but I don't think that is it (she hardly ever uses it solo, she generally prefers to use it on herself during PIV, or have me use it on her, which might be once a week, tops). I have kept an eye on the vibe, and it hasn't moved from where I put it, I even tried the battery trick, and unless she is putting the batteries back the way they were, she hasn't been using it by herself.

Or perhaps she has reached that point where she is putting too much pressure on herself, and maybe she should just stop trying for a bit.

I was hoping that some folks here on TAM might have experienced this, and would have some input. My wife is becoming seriously frustrated, and it is creating friction in our relationship.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Or perhaps she has reached that point where she is putting too much pressure on herself, and maybe she should just stop trying for a bit.

This would be my thought. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Once a week vibrator use would be enough to mess me up.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

@Mavash^

Really? Just once a week (realistically, her vibe usage isn't weekly, but close enough) is enough to numb her cl!t?

She typically will masturbate in the tub 2 or 3 mornings per week, and has been doing this for a long time (close to a year now since she started a new job, and has established her morning routine). Could she be creating a sensitivity problem with her fingers or the running water? Is doing this 2 or 3 times a week (not including our sex sessions 2 or 3x per week) just too much clitoral stimulation?

I'd hate to see her stop doing this, because it clealry helps her mood, and it increases her desire to have sex with me.

However, if laying off of her cl!t for a while is the answer, I'm sure she would be willing to give that a go.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

how old is she?

My wife went through the same phase for about 3 months where she couldn't have an orgasm even through masturbation at age 33 and then BAM, her drive kicked into overdrive and she hit her peak


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

She is 49, and in excellent physical shape and health.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If your wife is masturbating 2-3 times a week AND having sex 2-3 times a week that's a heck of a lot of stimulation. If I were her I'd try cutting out the vibe and the masturbating. Let the sexual tension build for a few days to a week before having sex again.

She's really putting a lot of pressure on herself.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks, since I don't have a cl!toris, I have no idea how much stimulation might be too much. I'll suggest to her that she ease off of jerking herself off and using the vibe (together or solo), and see how that goes.

Right now, she is frustrated with trying and not climaxing, perhaps she will be less so if she stops trying for a bit.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Her age is also an issue. I'm 46 and quite frankly O's aren't as easy to come by as they were even a year ago. There is no way I could keep up the pace your wife is trying to do and I LOVE sex. I save my sexual tension for my husband. I don't masturbate anymore unless he's going to be gone longer than a week or I'm mad at him. LOL


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

see the gyno, a physical check may help to rule out anything physical


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

She has told me that her libido is a "use it or lose it" proposition, that she feels more energized and happy when she can give herself a couple of fast and easy orgasms during the week. 

She also says that it makes her want to have sex with me more when she does it this way. The other thing is that while she can and often does have multiple orgasms when we have sex, there are plenty of times when we have sex, and she doesn't come at all.

That said, I think it would be worth trying to have her lay off of her cl!t for several days, and see what happens. Perhaps she ultimately needs to set her sights a bit lower, like masturbating once a week or so, and then having sex with me a couple of times.

Do you think a week of abstinence would be a good place to start?


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

She had her annual gyno check up about 2.5 months ago, if this issue persists, I will suggest she go back for a follow-up.

I'm actually better about going to the doctor than she is...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> She has told me that her libido is a "use it or lose it" proposition, that she feels more energized and happy when she can give herself a couple of fast and easy orgasms during the week.


But this isn't working anymore is it? I think cutting back the masturbating would be a good start. I've had to rethink how I keep my libido going. Reading erotica, thinking about masturbating but not actually doing it, etc.

Look I'd love a few fast and easy orgasms too but these days there is a price to pay for that. It means I won't enjoy sex with my husband later. 

And no way in heck I'd discuss this with my Gyn. There is nothing wrong with me - I'm just old. LOL


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Clearly what had been working is no longer working. 

Part of the problem from my (selfish) perspective is that right now, she is unable to enjoy sex with herself, nor is she able to enjoy sex with me (sex without any orgasms is no fun for anyone).

I think she has gotten to that point where the more she wants to have an orgasm, the more elusive it is to actually have one.

It would stand to reason that the 5 or 6 orgasms she had been having every week is a lot, and in the interest of reducing her frustration, she/we should lay off of her cl!toris for a week or so.

When we resume, I would think that it would be good for her to be very relaxed (a full body and foot massage after a warm bath and a glass of red wine), and just see where things go, and not feel like she has to come.

I appreciate the input.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Another issue is hormones. At 49 her testosterone has dwindled to nothing. I'm on hormones now (got on them for mood issues not for drive) and without them I seriously could go a week or so without sex. And O's would be hit or miss. This after I was a HD for as long as I could remember. It still shocks me that I could just flip like that.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

She had a radial hysterectomy (took out everything) in 2003, she has been on estradiol ever since. Her doc has tinkered around with her dosage a bit over the years.

She has complained about lacking some energy and some breakthrough hot flashes in the past couple of months, and she had her estradiol increased a bit, which seems to help.

She has also noticed that despite being very active (walks every day and lifts weights 3x per week) and meticulous about her diet, she has put on a little bit of weight around her waist, and her muscle tone isn't what it once was. I told her she should talk to her doc about Estratest (estrogen and testosterone).

What hormones are you taking, if you don't mind me asking?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm on testosterone and progesterone. The bioidenticals not the synthetic ones. I'm still cycling so my estrogen is fine. Before hormones my estrogen levels were on the high side - they've regulated now with the extra progesterone.

Energy is an issue - the price includes daily B12 shots but I don't live near there so I don't take advantage of those. I just try to keep my stress level down, take lots of naps and use caffeine on the really bad days. There is NO doubt I'm more tired now than I've ever been.

On weight I've always had a high metabolism but it's more of a challenge now to keep my weight down. I have to be fairly meticulous about the quality and quantity of the food I eat to keep my body lean and fit. I can't for example eat TONS of veggies - I have to measure those too just like everything else whereas before i I could eat those as much as I wanted to. Just an extra 100 calories a day (2 cups of veggies) will make me gain weight.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Her docs have said that since she doesn't have ovaries, there is no point to the progesterone. I'm thinking that something like Estratest would be the thing to try. I have heard that a drop in T-levels for women can make it difficult to orgasm, and can cause reduced clitoral sensitivity and even clitoral atrophy. It makes sense that T levels can affect the cl!toris, since there are so many female body builders out there using too much T, and their cl!ts literally grow into little penises.

Thanks for sharing!


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

The clitoris is just like any other nerve filled organ in the human body . Continued contact with any neve responsive are and this included surgery scars, broken limbs etc ccauses the brain to desensitise that are - this is true of the head of the penis and the clitoris. take a week or 3 off now and allow that bosy to find its sensitivity again. Attempting to meet normal demads in itself a stress that can cause lack of response. Humans are not machines after all.


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