# He constantly criticizes my young adult children to me!



## Cookie crumbs (Nov 10, 2011)

Hi folks... new to the forum!
My SO of almost 2 years has 3 boys ... 15, 13 and 7. I have 2, 18 and 20 yrs. We live separately
My problem is that he constantly criticizes my children's behaviours, stating that I am too liberal, that I allow to much in the way they speak to me, in providing liberties etc...
I have tried to tell him how uncomfortable I am that he questions my parenting skills and that he finds fault more than good in my children. I remind him that his children are at a different stage than mine.
He was raised in a very strict, religious family. I adore his siblings and mother (father passed away before I met him)! He has a more "militant" approach to parenting. I respect that this is what he feels works for him as a parent... even though I don't always agree and see frictions beginning to surface with his 15 yr old. 
He tells me he can't talk to me since I get "defensive" and that he sees this as a problem...
Any advice:scratchhead:
Cookie crumbs


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## SUZIWORD (Nov 11, 2010)

If you read any of my post you will see that I have had the same problem. My boys are 26, 23 and 19. They are fine young men! My oldest married, best dad I have ever seen (and their real dad had no relationship with them their entire lives). My second military, married wonderful father. Youngest college....and a little scattered brained!!!! But good kid graduated with honors, etc. My H tells me all the time how I need to make them be responsible and that my youngest should pay his own cell phone bill, health insurance, etc and I am like nope, he is a full time college student, working a part time job and living with his friends b/c in my son's words "he doesn't want to come between my and my H". My boys can't stand this man and so this has definitely put a strain on all relationships involved. I love me kids and I refuse not to be part of theirs lives. But trust me its hard work! 

Don't know what the answer is but you have been with your kids all their lives you know when they are screwing up and if your like me I will call them on the carpet about it right then and there, but if there good kids don't listen to him. Just be the mom they know and love!


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## Cookie crumbs (Nov 10, 2011)

Thanks SUZIWORD for the reply!
When you say that they have been my kids all their lives and I know when they are screwing up...that gave me an aha moment... good statement to use when this is adressed!
I am not married to him, although we have considered the "moving in" together option. However, I have been VERY hesitant considering his criticism. I don't want my kids to feel caught in the middle. So far his criticism has been shared with me only, however I KNOW that if he starts on them that my son will have none of it. My son has OCD and has found strategies that allow him to function in the "normal" world. Takes a lot of energy for him and his home is his safe haven where he allows himself to decrompress. Although I keep repeating this to my SO, it's as though he doesn't hear me... or at least get it!
I have honestly been debating if I continue to invest in this relationship 
Thanks again


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Do your boys live with you?

Is there any truth in the criticisms your SO tells you about?

Could you give an example of a common criticism he uses?


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

To be honest, I would never let another man come in between me and my children. I would address this with your SO and tell him that your kids, though they are grown, come first. If he has suggestions for you tell him you are happy to take them into consideration - but the children are yours and your relationship with them is yours to manage.

I don't think it sounds like a good idea to have your SO move in with you until he can become more tolerable of your parenting and your children. I'm not sure I'd break the relationship off, but I would definitely be addressing the added stress your SO is causing for you.


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