# Painful - Searching the World - Where did the Sex Go ?



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

So I am searching for an answer . Someone enlighten me ,
someone share with me your story of success.. I am so stuck
where I am in my marriage ..

Let me share who and where we are 

I am 44
my wife is 47 

we have no serious bills 
we are healthy - each work out 
I work out 5 days a week and wife 3 times 
we both eat organic food,
no drugs, no alcohol 
except for a drink perhaps 1 time every 2 weeks
we have daughter who is 5 

Since my wife had our daughter - she has become 
very disinterested in sex. she also had a fibroid removed 
a few years back and her parents passed away a few years 
back.

I support the family and earn the money 
in fact I usually make a few hundred thousand a year 

almost every night I put my daughter to sleep and 
pick her up from school ...

I also take her places and help by picking up dinner 
for us almost every day so she doesnt have to cook 
in fact my wife probably cooks breakfast for me 1-2 times a
week and that is it ..

we do have someone who comes and cleans the house 
she does laundry though and helps as we now own a business together..

she was having some irregular period and now is getting acupuncture however she has shared with me that she doesnt feel the same way about sex.

I am in great shape, lost 30 lbs in the last year and defined muscle and wife in good shape too...

We have a date night every week where the babysitter comes out and me and my wife go to dinner ...on top of that sometimes my wife gets massages and etc ...

Lately over the last 3 months we have not had any sex at all .
its usually 1 time every 2 weeks or every week before and now - not at all..

every time I bring it up with my wife perhaps one time per week she gets reactive and states that perhaps we arent looking for the same things and she cant be my sex pot every day after taking care of our daughter and working and doing housework ..

I see her scheduled two days a week with her family for all of us to go out however I dont know how to get the passion back.

I used to get at least a hand job every week however not even that ...
perhaps I she had given me oral 1 time in the last 6 months and I always give her oral when we have sex to warm her up ..in addition I now feel kind of a rejection so lately when I initiate 
its one of the following :

I am tired can I just go to sleep 
Are you just laying there trying to figure out what I am thinking 
My neck hurts 
My stomach doesnt feel right 
I need a vacation 

There always seems to be some kind of excuse lately 
she went to acupuncture person because she felt tired even when she sleeps for a long time and she never seems rested and gets to small bouts of anger at times because she feels tired or she needs space..

Every time I have tried to discuss her getting help she thinks its just beacuse I want sex ... I do want sex however I feel like I am living with a 70 year old when it comes to her priorities
..sleep, and the bathroom and doing chores...

I dont know what to do and its painful to even lay in bed next to her and just watch her sleep . I wish I knew how to get that passion back in our marriage 

This past week she said she had two dreams about us getting a divorce and I told her I love her and she said I dont feel your happy ..... I have communicated about 20 times in teh last last year about how I need to connect with her and how sex makes me feel and she responds that she thinks I have issues around sex and whats the purpose of sex and etc ..

Whats even weird is a year ago she discussed me having a vasectomy so she didnt have to worry about birth control - yet we dont even have sex perhaps one time per month and lately not in the last 3 months at all ..

What do I do >??

Women ? Any advice ???

Do I give her more time to herself ?

Even when I was making 300k a year and our daughter was at school from 9 -5 she was not in the mood .. she seems to always get distracted in life with things she has to do like busy work ..

I offered picnic in the say dates during the week, get aways however she just doesnt seem into it and game for it ???

Do I try and stay away from her -- and find some hobbies ?
Do I not do as much for her and disconnect from needing her ?
Do I try and find some other friends and make her less important ?
DO I go to the gym 10 times a week and just focus on myself and make her secondary ..because even though I haev asked I dont seem to be a priority to her at all ...

It seems I am just good for what I do for her work , support , earn money and run chores .. that is my purpose without any of the things that I need ??


What the hell do I do ???

We do have good conversations - just no sex and it hurts me a lot , it un-inspires me to work and do all of these things if she has no concern for what I need ...

I just dont know what to do , she doesnt want to see a counselor because she feels they just take peoples money >>> I Dont know >>?????


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I suggest you search this forum for information on the "180", which is about focusing on improving yourself and doing things that make you happy, while distancing yourself from your wife in all ways that do not involve caring for your child or necessities of life. Do not be cold or harsh, do not be needy or romantic, basically treat her as difficult roommate and just be polite and disengaged. Go out, do things you enjoy, do not do more than your share of chores as in any roommate scenario, and do not explain yourself.

This is not about getting her to want you, but it may have that effect. Eventually, when you are feeling good about yourself without her involved, discuss the issues with her and ask her to make changes. If she does not, then file for divorce and see if that generates sincere and lasting changes. But you have to mean it, and in most cases, divorce IS the answer - few LD spouses regain their libido.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

I tried this before maybe not to that extentand then she says that she feels passive aggressive energy from me...
she then will say ... sex isn't an event you just do...that she has to feel.connected with me ....I hug her. . sit and watch tv with her...give her foot massages...i feel like....i can not do anything right...

I gave her space the other night....she went to gym...I picked up daughter made her dinner...gave hherbath and cleaned dishes and pans Iin sink.. and a bunch of things ...she comes home and says she will taketthe trashout...it'slike things Iido ddon't register


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She "has to" feel connected, but doesn't, and won't - no matter what you do. Show her you don't need her, and that eventually you won't want her if she continues to lack any feelings for you.

There can be a variety of reasons why she doesn't feel any attraction for you: naturally low libido; loss of attraction due to hormone imbalance; loss of respect for you for some reason; getting her sexual and/or emotional needs filled by someone else.

Since you have a child together, I think it's worth trying to solve this. Even so, after a while if there's no resolution, leave.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

happybuddha said:


> I gave her space the other night....she went to gym...I picked up daughter made her dinner...gave hherbath and cleaned dishes and pans Iin sink.. and a bunch of things ...she comes home and says she will taketthe trashout...it'slike things Iido ddon't register


Quite simply, they don't. Bartering for sex rarely works. The only situation where it might is where the spouse truly has "Acts of Service" as their love language. She has given you the reason she isn't interested. She's "not connected" to you and if this disconnect continues it will invade other parts to of the marriage also. Explore with her why she feels disconnected and I'll bet household chores has nothing to do with it. There is something she is missing in the marriage.

Secondly, you are begging, bartering and performing for sex. It is probably unattractive to her on several levels. If a healthy sex life is a requirement for you to remain happy in the marriage, she needs to clearly understand that. And if she is not willing to fulfill that need for you there will be consequences for her lack of willingness to give to the marriage.

In my years here, this is one of the most common complaints we see from husband and you are falling into the most common mistakes in trying to address it. You have to state clearly your needs and require she meet them. You must also clearly understand hers and do the same for her.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

"Do I try and stay away from her -- and find some hobbies ?
Do I not do as much for her and disconnect from needing her ?
Do I try and find some other friends and make her less important ?
DO I go to the gym 10 times a week and just focus on myself and make her secondary ..because even though I haev asked I dont seem to be a priority to her at all ..."

I tried all of these in my marriage, and then some. Including counseling. My almost XW still found that she needed to be a serial cheater, and my divorce became inevitable. 

The only advise I can give is that, you can try absolutely everything you can think of and read about. Some people in a marriage just check out for whatever reason(s) they feel are right, and then the marriage just dies a very slow painful death. Better to end it sooner, rather than later. Take care of yourself first, and foremost. Good luck.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening happybuddah
Unfortunately this sounds like a classic HD/LD relationship - and there are a huge number of threads on this.

It very rarely ends well. 

I'm sorry, its a miserably situation to be in, and there are very few good ideas on how to fix it. 

If your will will go to counseling it might help. Otherwise:

Leave, cheat, Live like a Monk. Those are your options.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

Any . One have success in changing things ?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

toonaive said:


> "Do I try and stay away from her -- and find some hobbies ?
> Do I not do as much for her and disconnect from needing her ?
> Do I try and find some other friends and make her less important ?
> DO I go to the gym 10 times a week and just focus on myself and make her secondary ..because even though I haev asked I dont seem to be a priority to her at all ..."
> ...


All these idea's about pulling into yourself are the right direction. Helping her out and making it easier on her is not helping you one bit. She's taking advantage of your kindness.

There is no guarantee it will change anything, but it is more likely. See you are giving her attention far too easily without getting anything in return. Take your time and attention from her and put it to yourself.

Doing some things socially with sexy ladies won't hurt either. You don't have to screw them, what about ball room, or salsa dancing? It will get you close without having to bed someone. It will be good for you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Do the $180k. Take $180k of income annually and stash it out of reach... Then do the 180.

See if she noticed the 280 first or the $180k.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

I wish I could create something or do something to change all of this. I know that my wife is royally spoiled - she expects me to do so much yet doesnt expect to do anything for me ..except tell what I need to do or give me opioions ...LOL


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Somewhere along the way, she probably lost respect and is now bored with life.

If everything comes easily, people get spoiled and stop caring sometimes.

Since you can't force her to do anything, and you only control you, what can you do?

Well you can stop rewarding her bad behavior.

You can start detaching and really meaning it, and once your detaching, just tell her that you don't love her much anymore, then it would be true.

Sometimes people need something to snap them out of malaise that they are in.

Her life got too comfortable.

Get a separation, or a divorce.

Your last option is to live with it, or ask for an open marriage where your needs are met.

What exactly are you losing, a wife who doesn't participate enough in a marriage.

You have a part time wife.


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## GrannyMildew (Aug 15, 2013)

Spoiled? From my perspective being a very young married gal in the early 70 ' s , we had no " housekeeping help" and there were very few take out restaurants so all meals had to be cooked from scratch. Hubby loved his Mom's baked goods, so I did that too. Laundry for 5 people was an all day thing. Time to workout? That was called cutting the grass while hubby worked or shoveling snow so he could get in the driveway. Time to myself? Surely you jest. Until I hit the bed AFTER hubby and I had our fun time- sleeping was my only "ME" time. 

I think you're wife has it WAY too good and feels entitled by you. I also think (as another woman can) that she believes this is ALL for HER. EVERYTHING you do I believe she thinks that it should go to making HER life better, easier, less stressful, more enjoyable etc. And what about YOU? Well, you sir are a grown man whose sole purpose is to do, do, do for her and IF you have any time , money or energy AFTER taking care of HER needs, well then - fine...but not too much.


I agree she is spoiled rotton, but also feels entitled, deserving and like a princess. You, in my opinion, have created a monster by trying to make her life easier because you love her. 


JUST because you CAN afford to do something, doesn't mean you necessarily HAVE to do it. One or two things- very sweet. But if I were you, I'd start expecting a home cooked meal most nights,her to do the majority of the housework- which never killed anyone and let her start to appreciate what she had. 

The same- appreciating what she had- can be said for you too you know. A few less foot rubs (why should her feet hurt anyway- she does VERY little) and a little (okay more than a little) less attention from you. Some of the SAHM these days have it WAY too cushy compared to previous generations - like your mothers. Does your Mom ever say what she thinks about how easy you make things for your wife?


In the "Old days" we did things 50/50 or if the wife stayed at home she did more. But my generation was happy to see our hubby's come home and we waited on him and let him relax while we finished up. Then when it was time for bed, we happily loved our hubbys.

I wish you well and to make some life changing decisions.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

Thanks. My Mom had 3 boys on her own... she never had any issues and was able to do it ... Yes spoiled i think is the word


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

My Sister in Law said it like this: We are just different Chris always wants to have sex it's what he thinks about all day long while my mind works more like this.

1. Is the house clean
2. How are the kids
3. How are they really doing
4. How is school are they being bullied
5. I need to call my parents
6. Chris needs to call his parents
7. We need to start planning Bri's birthday
8. Where is Thanksgiving being hosted this year
etc
etc
etc
etc
etc


My husband just thinks "Work, $$$, have sex, football, repeat."

To the OP unless you have a weird job I'm assuming you are home every night. Do you really ask for sex? That is so strange.....what happens at 9-10pm when you guys are in bed? When you touch her does she pull away? Or literally does she say "I'm too tired, stressed, or worn out?" 

If it's the latter IMO she just isn't into you or is into someone else and you guys need counseling.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

Well I guess my wife said I have heavy energy. That i feel like I am stressed out and have heavy energy. That I have stopped talking much as well except about work .. she seems that I dont talk anymore ...and have nothing to say ...

She also feels as if I have to get some reward for doing things for her and normal family responsibilities - 

When we go to bed I look at her - and she wonders why I am looking at her and then I smile and that makes her feel weird ..

At this point I must say that having sex even 1 time a month or 2 times gets me nervous since its not normal...

Now that its been 3 months since we have sex - I even feel on egg shells about sex because of the build up around me wanting it and pressure that the one time has to be perfect or she may complain about that as well - - 

I asked her tonight why we invest all this time in the gym, our diet , family and work and no time in our relationship and marriage - that for some reason that doesnt seem important as well ...

She said because when we eat lately I dont say much to her except about work - well hmm if I talk about some romantic ideas or sex she doesnt like that either ... I guess i can talk about the law of attraction .....

Women any great topics? I ask her how she feels, and if I can do anything for her to help her , I talk about our daughter , I talk about clients because we work together ... I talk about us making time together ... what else can I talk about 

Then I asked so if I talked and had better conversations then you would feel more connected to me ?? I asked her tonight how Can I understand what makes her feel connected to me - - - 

I have a feeling that even if I did all of that there would be something else , she left as we sat on sofa working and said I am tired and my feet are sore - are you going to bed ??

My response - I will be in soon .. ( i almost dont even want to go lay next to her at night because I might think about having sex or make her feel heavy based on my expectation that my wife should make at least some time for me one time in 3 months ....) ) 

She said she asked me to rub her back last night which i did twice, she said if she had an itch and she asked that she would rub it for me .. Perhaps she doesnt get that I have a sexual itch that needs to be scratched ....

HMMMM

Ideas anyone ??


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

tonight she was on labtop working until 11 pm 
at 9 pm on our anniversary she was tired and went to sleep .

She has no one else - I know that 

She usually talks and then she says shes tired and goes to sleep 
if I touch her she then says its time to get rest what are you doing 
and then she feels like I have a heavy feeling and she wants to rest 

I think she may have hormonal issues as shes 47 had a c section with daughter, fibroid removed, also another operation and lots of stress with family a few years back 

Just recently she was having no period or two periods in a month 
and some dull pain in her stomach .. perhaps its imbalance 
shes trying to work on it naturally...however not much spark there as she mentioned her libido is very low ....

I dont know - I guess right now my hand is my best friend ..LOL

AT night I am always home, even offered to have a lunch date - during the week as child is in school - so I have even tried texting her that she is sexy and her comment later was why do you always think about sex ?? what is the purpose of it after you have kids ..??
hmmmm...could definitely be imbalance


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

happybuddha said:


> I tried this before maybe not to that extentand then she says that she feels passive aggressive energy from me...
> she then will say ... sex isn't an event you just do...that she has to feel.connected with me ....I hug her. . sit and watch tv with her...give her foot massages...i feel like....i can not do anything right...
> 
> I gave her space the other night....she went to gym...I picked up daughter made her dinner...gave hherbath and cleaned dishes and pans Iin sink.. and a bunch of things ...she comes home and says she will taketthe trashout...it'slike things Iido ddon't register


Get out of this pattern. Right now you are trying to prove yourself to your wife via performance in hopes that she will validate you and ultimately have sex. 

But instead of being appreciated, she is taking it for granted and losing respect for you. Right now, you are communicating to her: "I don't feel worthy and I need you to remind me of my worthiness AND while you're at it, can we have some sex?"

You are approaching your wife as if she has all the power in teh family and you are powerless. She can't feel this...and it repulses her, turns her off...and makes her lose all respect for you. It;s so bad, that she isn't even able to PRETEND or hide her contempt.

The 180 isn't passive aggression...unless you are going around sighing, moping, doing more chores, doing a lot of non-verbals to her that say "I'm mad. I'm pissy...and I'm not going to do a damn thing about it! SO THERE!" This will only result in her losing more respect.

No. You need to reconnect with your drive...with your passion. Don't be anchored around her moods and certainly DO NOT hover around her, pressuring her, complaining, or whining. Do not go out of your way to anticipate her needs until there is some balance in the relationship. Go out start doing your own thing...while yes, taking care of responsibilities and your share of things, but remember doing chores does not equal sex. Do them to do them. 

Ask for nothing. No more asking for sex. DO NOT BRING IT UP. In fact, be upbeat whether you have sex or not. Be busy in your own life and projects. Don't try to corner her in conversation...just give her space. Give her all the space in the world while you are out having fun, going to the gym, changing your diet, dressing better, looking better. Be your own person apart from her. Rebuild that mystery. Rebuild her curiosity. Take control of your life...and when you are communicating with your wife, be pleasant, be calm and serene, BE DECISIVE: "This is what I want. This is what I'm doing." If she disagrees, be calm and listen...do not get dragged into an argument. If she treats you with disrespect, just walk away, saying "I will not be talked that way. We'll talk when you can treat me with respect." 

*You MUST rebuild respect or she will drift more and more...because you are so TUNED IN to her, that she doesn't know who you are. She can't feel you, can't connect with you because you aren't speaking up for yourself, you are only mirroring what she wants to hear. That will make her feel unsafe, insecure...and then she will slowly get angry and resentful. She will be completely turned off*

So, stop whatever you are doing. Stop. Dig deep, Reach into your manhood and start taking steps (even if you have to fake it til you make it). This isn't a temporary act...this is something you truly have to confront. This isn't a guarantee that she'll turn around, but it is the right direction. And even if the worst takes place, you have already started your journey of self-discovery and self-respect.

Don't believe that she just isn't sexual. SHE IS. You just have to do thing things that will jumpstart that motor, get her sexually activated...and that means you need to be confident, secure, a man by yourself (you don't need her to tell you you're a man), decisive, adventurous, you have momentum. If she sees these changes, she may test you to see of they aren't just bs...and if you stay cool and don;t let her moodswings and emotions crumble you, then she may start to reconnect. So pay attention...just be patient while you sow these new seeds in yourself and your marriage. Ultimately, she hopes to see a man who doesn't have to grovel and beg for sex...no, she wants a confident man who will (lovingly) go after what he wants.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

That was a good response. I do appreciate it . Keep in mind I work out with a personal trainer, Now working out 5 times a week. I did lose 30 lbs and 3 belt sizes in the last year , I am off carbs, no dairy all raw food , organic and fish - no meat or chicken. I have worked on my clothes , my appearance , no debt , and constantly working on me, if you only know how much I read and learn as I move through new experiences - Gosh I wish in all heaven that what your saying works - I wish my wife was into sex more - we could go on a weekend where we had sex for a whole day, I dont think we ever had sex more than once in a day - we had our best romance back in 2002 which was amazing - wish i could bring out the freak in her and she was into some of the ideas I have as far as trips and classes I wanted to take with her - do more adventurous things - like when we started dating 

whats funny is i am in better shape now then ever and have more energy and all - she seems worn down so much these day ...

from me going to the gym . my libido has raised even more ....
and I want more sex - yet I think in the last year we have had sex about 15 times .. I really wish I could change that so BADLY !!

With all of the workouts I feel much more sexual then before 
I feel young again and now I feel like (trapped) in my pants ..LOL


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

That's great that you are taking care of yourself...I would suggest you try to give her more emotional space and try not to pressure her about sex. It could be something physical going on with her...but whatever it is, she isn't comfortable talking about it. I suggest backing off a little bit, be supportive, but don't give up your respect anymore to her. If you come off stable and not quite so invested in her sexual mood, she may open up about her feelings. I truly hope you can get to where you want to be.


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

happybuddha, please answer a couple questions honestly:
1. when did you last initiate sex?
2. exactly HOW did you initiate sex? (give precise details, what was happening just before, where were you, where was she, what did you say or do)
3. how did she respond to your initiation (again precise details, what exactly did she say/do)
4. how did you respond to her response?


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## GrannyMildew (Aug 15, 2013)

Agree with FormerSelf. She has lost ALL respect for you and you have handed over the power in the marriage to HER. How sexy do you think that is for a woman? I'll be blatently honest and tell you what most of us would think; WIMP. 

And WHO do you know that wants or desires a man who continues to present himself as a wimp?

WHY do you feel the need to go so overboard to make life- not even easy- but downright CUSHY? Do all her friends spouses do all these things for their wives?

You mentioned that Mom didn't have it so good. Why don't you sit down with Mom and find out exactly what women NEED vs. WANT, and then pick her brain as to where you are going and what you may be doing wrong or going overboard on.

You are in the deepest of the depths of the ocean where women are concerned. 

She no more respects, appreciates, is attracted to you, admires you or finds you "manly". You have handed your manliness to her on a platter and you ask if she's okay with that. A MAN'S man demands respect, sensuality, desire, strength of character and oozes charm and sexuality. She sees NONE of these things in you because you are too busy ringing your hands wondering what YOU are doing wrong to not get pleasure and worrying about what else you can do for HER to make this happen.

Honey, as a Grammy and a lifelong Critical Care Registered Nurse, she has NO HORMONAL IMBALANCES. The only imbalances are the ones in your marriage. What you give, do, plead, question etc., all the while you should be taking these nice men's advice and USING it instead of ignoring it.

I hate to say it but you remind me of old movies where Cary Grant and some poor little not so manly man were both trying for the same woman. The poor little guy didn't stand a chance against Cary because he exuded manliness out of his pores, while the little guy was just an irritant and a bother for the poor woman, constantly in her face, trying to touch her hand or arm and run his mouth about things that she had no interest in. This gets on a woman's nerves- real quick.

Talk to Mom. Listen to the advice of these men. Read some books. DO the 180. Go about your day as if she is just someone else who happens to live with you. Nothing more. AND for God sakes, quit coddling her at every step of the way! I know you think it shows your love but it only shows her that you WANT her to not have to do ANYTHING- INCLUDING SEX.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

happybuddha said:


> Any . One have success in changing things ?


Yes, I found success only when I quit b1tching, bartering, whinnig and begging for sex. I stated my need for sex to be happy in the relationship and that it was what I would consider a core part of the marriage. I confirmed that I was meeting her needs in the marriage then placed a 60-day time period that she would not deny me sexual intimacy. She agreed. That was 3 years ago and I could count on one hand the number of times she's declined sex since. We are back in a very good rhythm with each other sexually. We've been together for 30 years.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Have you confronted her directly about the lack of sex? Next time she says that you have "dark energy", tell her why you have that. Next time she asks you "what's wrong?" Tell her EXACTLY what is wrong. Also, tell her that you are sick and tired of feeling like the financial provider AND the maid for the house.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Do some home work on "hypoactive sexual desire disorder." I don't get out here much on this forum and out of time already. No cure and the cause is something your not going to like. Its caused by being monogamous. Look up infidelity percentages and sexually dysfunctional women percentages. It is safe to say cheating women are not sexually dysfunctional, they like sex. Add them up. Our society has taken one of the few animals on earth that can enjoy sex for pure pleasure brainwash it in to thinking it is monogamous and then wonder why its sexually dysfunctional!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Amplexor said:


> Yes, I found success only when I quit b1tching, bartering, whinnig and begging for sex. I stated my need for sex to be happy in the relationship and that it was what I would consider a core part of the marriage. I confirmed that I was meeting her needs in the marriage then placed a 60-day time period that she would not deny me sexual intimacy. She agreed. That was 3 years ago and I could count on one hand the number of times she's declined sex since. We are back in a very good rhythm with each other sexually. We've been together for 30 years.


Great and common sex ensures emotional bonding, closeness, healing of arguments, a more common view point.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

She has you wrapped around her finger. She has your child and you begging for sex, and your fat pay cheque. Dump her, take care of your child and find a woman who has love in her eyes instead of $$$


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

tommyr said:


> happybuddha, please answer a couple questions honestly:
> 1. when did you last initiate sex?
> 2. exactly HOW did you initiate sex? (give precise details, what was happening just before, where were you, where was she, what did you say or do)
> 3. how did she respond to your initiation (again precise details, what exactly did she say/do)
> 4. how did you respond to her response?


1) I decided to initiate sex night before last. My wife got upset and screamed I am tired and I Want to go to sleep. I was kissing her 
hugging her and rubbing her body . She yelled and turned over and went to sleep. That night I laughed and said ok, no big deal if your tired. I just shook it off.

2) Last night I initiated as the day before she just got her period 
We went out on date , had a great talk and a few drinks. It actually was one of our best conversations for a period of time

I knew she was on her period. I was kissing her a hugging her.
she said what are you thinking about . I said I am thinking about having SEX with you . that is what I am thinking about .

She asked why I want to have sex when we lay in bed, that some button goes on where you want to have sex with me when we lay down. I explained that we cant have sex on the sofa because its too small . and usually we have sex in the bedroom so that is where I talk about it with you . That I dont talk about sex every night with you - that there are days that I dont even ask you . however mainly because this is where the sex can happen ..

Perhaps I need to talk about sex in other places before the bed - hmmm..

She said I can give you a massage ( sensual if you want ) I said that is a good consolidation prize. she said whats that mean. I said that is a good option to sex if sex is out... I asked her if she ever had sex during her period ? she said no , have you had sex before during a period, I said yes .. You can do it in the shower or with a towel and we wouldnt have to use anything . she then said maybe you should have sex with that person ? I said I was just giving her a suggestion if she was open to it .

She started laughing and said thats so funny we dont have any sex when I am not having my period and you are giving ideas like that ..we havent had sex perhaps in 2-3 months..

She said it seems like you want to have sex...a lot. I said yes I want to have sex with you . Its all perspective of how you look at it, I see all positives . we can be connected and have fun, its good for your skin, you live longer, look younger, its better for a man as men who have more live longer and it burns calories ..Perhaps you need to look at it from a gym perspective. You may bot feel like It but when you work out you feel better - perhaps we need to have it and then you feel better once you do vs waiting until you feel like it 

So then she says it seems like you can be connected or feel connected unless you have sex with me . I said that isnt true when we lay on the sofa . under the blanket and watch tv I feel connected. When we have dinner and talk I feel connected , when I lay next to you I feel connected . She said I think you ONLY feel connected when we have sex ...

I said I disagree. so then she lays there And she turns over and goes to sleep and I blow out the candles, no massage, no sex and again she throws things out there avoiding it ..

I want her to want to do things because she is excited . I guess I could have made her give me a massage however she goes into a conversation around me ONLY feeling connected through sex and again challenging me , is that language that says I feel inspired to give an awesome handjob or I am doing this just because you want this .. anyways I didnt get upset but she went to sleep again ..


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