# Need some male advice.....



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

My ex-husband divorced me after almost 11 years...."I don't love you anymore".....

Issues.....mainly money (debt on my side), sex (lack of it) and some other things.....

It went fast from asking for divorce on Labor Day weekend, over giving me hope, to me finding nudy pics, to me signing the papers, to the divorce being final in January.....

He tried to hide the finalized papers from me to not ruin my birthday (4 days later) and because apparently our dog having to be put down after I signed the papers in Dec brought us a little closer together.....

He told me he does love me and he doesn't want me to move out and we should see what the next weeks/months bring.....

So I'm still living at home with him and our 2 children....

He's been a bit edgy lately and today this happened....

He just got home from the store after just getting some stuff for dinner....I called from upstairs "Did you do grocery shopping ??" and he jelled "What  ????? ".....

I went downstairs and said "Wow, does that go a little bit harsher ???"....he said "Maybe  !!! ".....I said "Am I interrupting your phone conversation  ???"....he said "Yes, you are  ".....so I turned around and left....and he kept on talking on the blue-tooth....

Wow....I'm shocked....he hasn't talked to me like this in forever (ever since the whole divorce crap started).....

I just went to apologize and made a major *buhbuh* again....I said "I wanted to apologize for interrupting your conversation, I didn't know you were on the phone. Please tell her I'm sorry for interrupting." He barked at me "It was M. (brother) !!! Not a her !!!!!"....I said "I don't care who....I just wanted to apologize" and I left.....

It was bugging me so bad because his mother is very sick and I overheard him say "I haven't talked to her in a while" so they were most likely talking about her.... that I went downstairs again and apologized again....

He said in an upset tone "No need to apologize  "....I said "Yes, I do because I feel bad"....he: "It doesn't matter! ".....I said "Why".....he said "Because it doesn't matter.".....

What does that mean ???????????

Men, does that mean there is no chance for us anyway ????

He has been really upset with me because recently I was making stupid comments about "other girls" (like above) a lot and he seemed kinda hurt/sad/disappointed about this.....

Do you think everything is lost already or should I just back off a while and try to be as nice as I should have been ????

I don't want to make these comments, but I'm only human and it sometimes slips out....

Any advice ????

PLEASE !!!!!!!!!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Dam* it....I think I'm getting an anxiety attack now.....

I don't want my chance to be over  .....

I've made so many wrong choices lately.....

I couldn't handle living in limbo and tried to "tickle" some commitment out of him....the totally wrong way.....

How can I make it good again ?????


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Rome - take a breath. Go for a walk or something. 

He is still playing you. 

Were it me - I would do a 180 plan on him. 

Read up on it. 

It might also be worth reading the Five Love Languages Book and applying some of that as well. 

You need to stand up for yourself. He got what he wanted and I assume you're still sleeping in the same bed?

Stand up for yourself. He's getting exactly what he wants from you and you're just being a doormat. 

Time to stand up to him and tell him you are uncomfortable with living arrangements as they are. Tell him you need that stability and security of being married. 

I still think he's hiding something from you. Did you ever get a PI onto him?

Good luck - take care of yourself first and your kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

:iagree:He sounds suspiciously the same as other people having an EA. I'd check it out as soon as possible.

And try to man up/do a 180/woman up/etc. You don't have any pride and let him walk all over you. This is probably the most important thing to try. Individual counseling might help you on this part, together with some books and some stuff on this forum (like the sticky in the men's forum).


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Rome,
What have you done to proactively address the financial stress you caused him and to resolve the lack of sex?



rome2012 said:


> Dam* it....I think I'm getting an anxiety attack now.....
> 
> I don't want my chance to be over  .....
> 
> ...


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> Rome - take a breath. Go for a walk or something.
> 
> He is still playing you.
> 
> ...


I'm devastated yet again.....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Rome,
> What have you done to proactively address the financial stress you caused him and to resolve the lack of sex?


Well.....I'm trying to be better about saving money, but it's hard right now because I've had to take a trip overseas for the funeral of my mother and my paycheck was cut short.....

I am not sure as to what to do about the sex issue as *he* is the one that divorced me and I feel like he has to tell me that *he* wants sex....but I might be totally wrong there, right ?!?!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Draguna said:


> :iagree:He sounds suspiciously the same as other people having an EA. I'd check it out as soon as possible.
> 
> And try to man up/do a 180/woman up/etc. You don't have any pride and let him walk all over you. This is probably the most important thing to try. Individual counseling might help you on this part, together with some books and some stuff on this forum (like the sticky in the men's forum).


I know....it sounds like it  .......

The whole 180 thing....I've tried that and saw some positive results just last Saturday....I went out for 6 hours and enjoyed myself and when I came home we were ordering dinner and flirting etc.....we've had sex that night.....

I so want to woman up and all that is written in the "Why men love *****es" book, because I know it works, but I'm so freaked out that he would just shut me out for good.....

And no....not because he's such a big jerk.....because he is confused himself.....he knows I'm a great woman....his best friend....the love of his life (as he called me).....but he sees only the bad right now (my finances etc.) and I'm worried he's giving up on me (changes) too soon.....



I need more time !!!!!!!!!


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

And if he cares about you - did he not help you go to the Funeral?

Take it day by day. Are you still hitting the gym too? Go get some counseling too. 

Don't know if you're religious or not but pray anyway. What can it hurt?

Miracles do happen!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> And if he cares about you - did he not help you go to the Funeral?
> 
> Take it day by day. Are you still hitting the gym too? Go get some counseling too.
> 
> ...


I know he cares about me....I do !!!!!

He's helped me greatly !!!!!

But he is a very determined man and sometimes makes hasty decisions....like the divorce....

If he'd only agreed to a separation.....to prove myself.....but....he felt he needs to do what is right at that moment....

No....I've neglected the gym...

I've kind of neglected everything lately, but he should understand that !!!!!! I mean....my beloved mom just passed away  !!!!!


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

He's listening to PinkFloyd again  ....he does that a lot when he's upset/depressed about something *sigh*.....

Everything was ok until he went to the store today.....:scratchhead:

Maybe the tattooed chick called him while he was at the store and stirred up his life again ???

Maybe he wasn't talking about his mom to his brother and was actually talking about the tattooed biatch....:scratchhead:

Maybe he's just got a phase of depression, since he's been sleeping on the couch and the spare bedroom Thursday and Friday night ?!?!? (although he justified it with being in pain from the dentist ).....

He's pretty annoyed with our boys as well....

Does depression do all this ?????


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

If he's bi-polar - yes. Depression can set it off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> If he's bi-polar - yes. Depression can set it off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think he's bi-polar....he's not showing all these extreme symptoms of it (suicidal thoughts etc.).....

He's got depression, I know that....

Can depression make people irritable like this ???

Just read up on male depression again and that sounds really a lot like the behavior he's been showing today.....


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