# Trying to get open advice for this...



## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Hello all, 

I am new to this forum and am looking forward to being active and seeing what everything has to offer but there is a contradiction my wife and I are going through and we are considered newlyweds I would say. 

For starters, when I first started dating my wife she was still in college which was perfectly fine but she has been graduated from college for about 6 months now and she isn't looking for a full time job. I try not to be too on top of her about this because it only frustrates her, but she doesn't understand with me paying the mortgage, groceries and other bills along with the bills I have already on top of my own leaves me with practically nothing at the end of the month. I don't think she understands the frustration of it and I've tried explaining it to her 3 times and nothing has changed. What is a fix for this or even any given advice that could be given? While writing this, I just thought that I could write down how much I make a month and all the bills I pay a month so she can see what I'm left over with at the end of the month. I am most definitely open to all other advice as well!

Another big thing is her dog. Her dog is 2 years old and was trained as a inside dog or whatnot because when of she was at her parents. They spoiled that dog rotten by for example giving it human food ALL the time, not scolding it for peeing or pooping anywhere in the house and the dog barks non stop at people it doesn't know. I literally mean NON stop as in she doesn't quit till there out of the house. She has become an issue because she pee's and poops in the utility room which is concrete so it is different compared to carpet but she still doesn't use her potty pad. She pee's on the floor, which stains the floor you can see even after cleaned up. As of late, the dog has been peeing in the bedroom and it's making the bedroom smell of urine and I've gotten to the point where I can't sleep in the room because it's disgusting to me. She wouldn't let me discipline the dog because she's afraid I'd be too hard on her but I know right from wrong so this kind of tells me the trust she has in me. I would most definitely take any and all advice for help with this. I'm sure the most common response is that the dog needs to be disciplined, not as in spanking but the only thing I'd do is stick her nose in it and say "No". 

Please help!!

Jeremy


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

you poor thing. you married a woman/child. grown enough to have sex with and vote but not grown enough to be a wife. you are going to have to finish raising her. i loved your idea about showing her how much you make and how much you have to pay and what is left over. then you need to have a discussion about what she wants to do with her life and help her plan the steps to reach that goal. you are not going to instantly mature her and you have to understand and be patient. on to that dog. what you are going through with that animal is unacceptable. you have a few choices some better than others. make her get rid of the dog. or train the dog yourself and include her. you have to make her aware of your limits and consequences for not abiding by them. do not let her walk all over you. know she will grow out of this. but you married a baby and need to take responsibility for that choice and remember that when you get annoyed with her. good luck dude


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

janesmith said:


> you poor thing. you married a woman/child. grown enough to have sex with and vote but not grown enough to be a wife. you are going to have to finish raising her. i loved your idea about showing her how much you make and how much you have to pay and what is left over. then you need to have a discussion about what she wants to do with her life and help her plan the steps to reach that goal. you are not going to instantly mature her and you have to understand and be patient. on to that dog. what you are going through with that animal is unacceptable. you have a few choices some better than others. make her get rid of the dog. or train the dog yourself and include her. you have to make her aware of your limits and consequences for not abiding by them. do not let her walk all over you. know she will grow out of this. but you married a baby and need to take responsibility for that choice and remember that when you get annoyed with her. good luck dude


To be honest, that is exactly what I have been thinking for a long time because she is used to being a spoiled one by her parents so she knows nothing about earning her stuff, that's where we differ I had to learn how to earn everything. 

I understand exactly what you are saying about the dog, it's really getting to the point where I've told her it's either the dog or me... When we were dating and the dog wasn't living with us we'd cuddle and have our alone time but now she wants to cuddle with the dog all the time and give the dog what she wants, when she wants. 

I did forget to mention it as well, but she is impossible to compromise with when it comes to watching some television. It's either her show with her or I need to go downstairs to watch my stuff, which I'm usually downstairs because of that but I'm willing to watch her stuff time to time with her. Like you said, it's like I married a child and I'm usually the one who get's called the "child" when we have arguments. 

Like you said, I just have to finish raising her which in a sense I think is unfortunate for me but I've made the promise so I've got to attempt to do what I can...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. I think it will help you.

One tidbit from the book: Never accept the unacceptable.

The dog peeing and pooping inside is unacceptable. You not being able to sleep in your own bedroom is unacceptable. But nothing will change until you lead the change yourself. You need to be firm, not mean or angry.

As to the finances, I suggest you get involved in Dave Ramsey's program. You could enroll in the Financial Peace University course at your church or other local place. Or, get his book "Total Money Makeover". Briefly, he advocates using cash for all expenditures where feasible such as groceries, clothing, restaurants. Create a budget and put cash in envelopes. When the restaurant envelope is empty, you don't go to restaurants until the next month when you refresh the envelope.

Getting your wife on board with this program will make her aware of and involved in the budget. It should also motivate her to contribute to the family finances.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Oh you poor thing OP. 

Did you and your wife discuss her working/not working before you got married? What was the outcome of that?

What you are living with, with the dog is nothing short of disgusting. Completely unacceptable. The issue isn't the dog though, it's your wife. I think getting rid of the dog might be a bit harsh - she's only a product of her upbringing after all (or lack of). Your only option is to train the dog yourself. Restrict her access to certain areas of the house (especially the carpeted areas!!) until she's toilet trained and 100% reliable. Crate train her, have her crate in the utility room and put her in there when visitors come. Crate training will help with toilet training too - if you can convince your wife to make the dog sleep in the crate.

Marriage is all about negotiation and compromise on everything. It's unacceptable and unfair that your wife calls all the shots. You're not asking anything unreasonable at all. Time to lay it all on the line.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Thor said:


> Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. I think it will help you.
> 
> One tidbit from the book: Never accept the unacceptable.
> 
> ...


I appreciate all of the advice, Thor. I will take a look into the Dave Ramsey's financial advice. I like the idea of putting cash in envelopes for each exspense, that is a very good idea! I'm hoping this will get her motivated to wanting to contribute to the family finances because I'm thinking it'll either motivate her or make her think that I am cheap about my spending(she was absolutely spoiled by her parents).


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

frusdil said:


> Oh you poor thing OP.
> 
> Did you and your wife discuss her working/not working before you got married? What was the outcome of that?
> 
> ...


My wife and I did discuss her plans after graduation and that was to look for a job and I've been trying to motivate her to look for work. She even said that trying to tell her to look for a job, makes her not want to look which is only digging us a deeper whole, I think. 

I am going to mention the dog to her but I have a 80% positive thought that she will not go for the crate idea. If she won't then to be frank, there is going to be some serious issues. I'm just getting to a point where I don't know what to do if this fails, I hate to think that negative but you can't make someone grow up they have to do it on their own... I had to, at least.


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## AlisonBlaire (Feb 5, 2015)

Has your wife always been this way, or has this side of her slowly start to develop over time? I'm wondering if her behavior is a result of long-term family behavior.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Wow,

Look OP. your statement that your wife isn't going to go for the crate training is the wrong mindset. This dog NEEDS to be trained and properly socialized. And you need to set boundaries and stick to them. The choice she gets to make is training of the dog, departure of the dog, or you leaving. The behavior you are describing is TOTALLY unacceptable. You are newlyweds. This should be her best behavior! 

A woman that won't help support the marriage by working and is unable to compromise is not someone I would want to be married to. I think I would get into couple's counseling to have a third party help you out. I would not stay in a marriage that remained like this. Please don't have any kids.

Good luck


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

The dog needs training. We have a young puppy 12 weeks old. Within 48 hours of being home he was house trained. Been here a month and has had maybe 1 accident in past three weeks.

You cannot live with an unhouse trained dog. It doesn't care about pee-pee pads. It's been living for 2 years for using the house as a pee-pee pad, doesn't know any better. 

Get it into hardcore training or the dog goes.

As for your wife, sit down and make a budget. Money in and money out. Tell her to find some thing full time - dog lessons are expensive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Another chiming in for dog training STAT. And not by yourself. Shoving a dog's nose in their pee or poop is NOT the answer. Do you really think that dog would understand that? Nope. I'm currently in training class for my dog and boy my eyes were opened. I know nothing about training dogs. That's why I paid the measly 100 bucks to be taught how to do it. That dog is only doing what he's been allowed to do. It's not the dog's fault for his behavior. The fault lies with you and your wife for not giving the dog the proper tools in which to behave correctly. The current situation with your dog is unacceptable. Please do something about it now.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

Rubbing the dog's nose in their excrement is ineffective. I trained (more than just potty training) both of my dogs on my own, with no prior experience, and a crate is the single most effective tool for toilet training. My dogs were both fully potty trained within a couple of weeks. I believe it will be a bit harder since this dog is already accustomed to doing as it pleases, but it can be done. 

Your wife does not work, for one, so there's NO reason this dog should be having accidents in the house. Please do away with the puppy mats, too. If anything, they encourage pets to eliminate on similar surfaces. The dog has to be trained to eliminate *only* outdoors. Google proper crate training and you will find a plethora of articles. 

I would tell your wife that either the dog uses a kennel or it is to be confined to the restroom while the two of you are out of the house. I disagree with rehoming the dog as it is not the dog's fault he has been taught improper habits. 

I also agree with the idea of creating a budget and sitting down with her to go over the monthly expenses. This will give her an idea as to how much you are bringing in vs. how much is being spent/left over. Once she realizes that your resources are being stretched entirely too thin, it will open the way for communication regarding the importance of her finding a job.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

The dog needs training and so do you. Look man your letting your wife dictate policy and you have no input on any matters. She can't or wont try to get a job and she wont train her dog with her free time and then when you have to confine yourself to the other room because you can't watch one of your shows in the living room then point a finger at yourself.

It's high time you take control of a real dirty mess. Let her know that the dog goes in a crate if she wont house break the animal. It's not hard and with her being home she could have the dog trained in a couple weeks. The dog is ruining your home and your letting her do it so my advice to you is find your rocks that you lost somewhere and let it be known that this kind of disrespect has come to an end and there's going to be new rules. Let her know in a way that she understands that your not rolling over for her and that beast of a dog any more and if she gets pissed.....................let her but not only does the dog have to learn new rules but so does she. Your the only one that can do anything about it so time to step up to the plate and be accounted for. Either that or you lose big time like your doing now.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

From all the responses, I get the importance of taking control of the household and setting boundaries and not letting the dog take over. I will be sure to sit down and have a talk with her tomorrow about this and give an update so that way people are aware of where we are at. We'll also be going over a budget tomorrow. 

I am going to look into crate training and see what her response is on this. I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't too specific but she does work but it's only part time at VS. I shouldn't let the dog take over the house and take my spot in the household, I get that and we will look into training if crate training doesn't work. 

Thank you everyone for the great advice, if you can think of anything else keep it coming.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

jhaug said:


> From all the responses, I get the importance of taking control of the household and setting boundaries and not letting the dog take over. I will be sure to sit down and have a talk with her tomorrow about this ...


It sounds like you have had quite a few talks with her. That didn't work.

When you talked to her about the importance of her getting a FT job, she dug her heels in and made it clear your TALKING ABOUT IT to her made her even less motivated.

Sir, you need to grow a pair of [email protected]@ls. NOW. No, you don't threaten her. You TELL HER.

See, this is what happens when people with little or no boundaries and high expectations get married. You expected her to pull her weight and get a job. You expected her to train her dog not to use the house as its potty.

LAY. DOWN. THE. LAW. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

You are in for one helluva miserable life with this woman. Trust me. She doesn't respect you. She is a spoiled child.

You are not her daddy; you are her husband. She is your wife. Set boundaries as to what is acceptable/unacceptable. But, when you do, make sure you back it with consequences. Unless you do, you are only blowing smoke.

Seriously.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Prodigal said:


> jhaug said:
> 
> 
> > From all the responses, I get the importance of taking control of the household and setting boundaries and not letting the dog take over. I will be sure to sit down and have a talk with her tomorrow about this ...
> ...


I can't sit here and say you're wrong because I did expect her to get a FT job and to ensure the dog would not have any issues in the house. 

I hope it isn't the case of being in a miserable marriage because of her being spoiled but you're 100% correct. 

Her and I WILL be having a discussion tomorrow and I'm sure she won't like what I've got to say but it's like I keep seeing people say, I need to set boundaries and consequences. 

I will keep you updated as to how the conversation goes tomorrow with all of this. 

Thank you, Prodigal!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Make this the last conversation you have about these problems. 
If she gives you the typical run around stuff, tell her what you will do.

Example:

"Wife, take responsibility for your dog and it's training or I will take it to to a rescue."

Then have the fortitude to follow through. And your action does not have to be drastic. But make sure whatever your action is, you clearly tell her and follow through at all costs.

The reason you are here is because she knows your word means nothing. You prove it over and over again when nothing happens after she blows you off.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Don't ask her permission for the crate- just do it. Dogs do not soil where they sleep.

Our neighbor and us have two puppies from the same litter. Came home at 8 weeks. Now 13 weeks old. They didn't not crate train. Opted to let the puppy sleep with them, or dad on the couch with him. They all got good nights sleep. Our puppy barked barked barked every couple hours for what seemed like hours the first week or so. We took him outside - peed and pooped and back to the crate. Now he is sleeping 7-8 hours a night without going out and like I said basically accident free for a few weeks now.

Meanwhile, around the block, they are still sleeping soundly each night. But that dog is STILL going to the bathroom everywhere in the house. They are paying a trainer to come to the house. $150 an hour. It's been no help. They leave the dog tied up outside most of the day. We hear him yelping from here.

Your dog is older, but long story short, get the crate. It works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

What do you like about your wife?

What are you prepared to do if she refuses to follow the "law" you lay down?


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

So an update:

This morning I talked to her about it and said she needs to be crate trained and that I'm just tired of her running the house. I did tell her that if she's not crate trained then she's gonna have to go, she said she isn't going to give her up. I said that's your decision but it's going to be at a point where it's her or me. Then she said that she'll just have it stay with her parents, who I know I wouldn't do anything about the situation. 

Since this isn't the first time we had this talk, she said she always feels like it's either my way or the highway. I brought her upstairs and had her look under the bed where there were 3 turds; I said do you want to live with that her whole life? I said I don't. Then she went on to mention that it doesn't bother her and she doesn't understand why it bothers me so much. I said because I don't pay for a house and do all this work for a dog to pee and poop where she sees fit. 

Thoughts?


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## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

Being lethargic (lazy) and not caring about things like a civilized level of cleanliness are symptoms of depression.

Is she depressed, eccentric, spoiled or in denial?

I am not sure you are at the root of the problem yet.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

the fact that she isn't repulsed by dog turds under the bed is all you need to know imo. Also, the fact that she punts a problem like the dog issue to her parents speaks volumes. she's an entitled princess and she won't change. 

However, the poster above me had a very valid point. Could she be depressed?


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## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> the fact that she isn't repulsed by dog turds under the bed is all you need to know imo. Also, the fact that she punts a problem like the dog issue to her parents speaks volumes


Parents didn't care either so this reminds me of the quote ,,,

"the apple doesn't fall far from the tree"


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

She does have anxiety and depression.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

another shot said:


> Being lethargic (lazy) and not caring about things like a civilized level of cleanliness are symptoms of depression.
> 
> Is she depressed, eccentric, spoiled or in denial?
> 
> I am not sure you are at the root of the problem yet.


Im not exactly sure. I know she's depressed and a bit spoiled but I don't know what it is.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Op, should you visit those issues? no one in their right mind would be ok with dog feces in the house.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Op, should you visit those issues? no one in their right mind would be ok with dog feces in the house.


I'm sorry, I don't follow. Are you talking about the depression or the dog? For the depression, I can't get her to see anyone and I've been trying for months now.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Do you know what the root cause of the depression may be? Sometimes it's nothing specific. I'm not sure how to "force" someone to see a doctor though if she isn't willing on her own.

As Lucy said, nobody in their right minds would be ok with poop and pee around the house.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

jhaug said:


> I'm sorry, I don't follow. Are you talking about the depression or the dog? For the depression, I can't get her to see anyone and I've been trying for months now.


Sorry for being unclear. I meant no one in their right mind (your wife) would be okay with dog poop under the bed. 

OP, there's a fork in the road and if you're not happy with the status quo, you need to decide which road to take. The Come to Jesus talk you had with her fell on deaf ears.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> However, the poster above me had a very valid point. Could she be depressed?


Sounds like a spoiled brat to me.....just say'in....

Whatever you do, don't have children with this woman....


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

jhaug said:


> So an update:
> 
> This morning I talked to her about it and said she needs to be crate trained and that I'm just tired of her running the house. I did tell her that if she's not crate trained then she's gonna have to go, she said she isn't going to give her up. I said that's your decision but it's going to be at a point where it's her or me. Then she said that she'll just have it stay with her parents, who I know I wouldn't do anything about the situation.
> 
> ...


Are you going to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't mind having sh!t on the floor under your bed? Is this the kind of person you want being responsible for the health and safety of your future children? Is this the kind of attitude you want your future children to grow up with? In 20 years do you want to be explaining to your new son in law why your daughter thinks it's ok to have sh!t on the floor?

Maybe you can educate her. Based on her responses to you it's going to be an uphill battle but if you love her it's worth a shot. Just don't have any kids with her unless she comes around.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

She said that the poop under the bed didn't bother her because admitting that it does means that she "loses the battle". OP, talking is not going to help your situation. You need to SHOW her you mean business from this point on.

You already told her "the dog or me", now follow through. She said she would take the dog back to her parents' house, hold her to that! Tell her the dog has to go back to her parents' by Friday 5pm. If the dog isn't at her parents' house on Friday, then Saturday morning you take the dog to the shelter (at least go for a no-kill shelter). Your wife has been warned, so it's not like you are surprising her.

She refuses to get a full time job? That's fine, separate your finances from her & don't give her any money for extras. Pay the necessary bills & keep/save the rest for you. Make your wife responsible for her own cell phone bill, if she can't afford it...tough cookies, get a full time job.

Your wife is running all over you because she can, you allow her to. Show her what life is like without your help...


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Time for some tough love.

I feel most sorry for the dog...no leader to show them the way.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> Time for some tough love.
> 
> I feel most sorry for the dog...no leader to show them the way.


Don't feel too sorry for the dog. Being re-homed into a home where he'll be handled correctly will make him a much happier dog.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

The problem with ultimatums is that you have to be prepared to have the person call your bluff.

She did.

So follow through.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> I feel most sorry for the dog...no leader to show them the way.


Funny because I was going to say out of the three of them, I feel the most sorry for the dog. Poor thing doesn't stand a chance.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

You know I do appreciate all advice and am open to criticism but if I'm correct I would most definitely say the community isn't very supportive. Sure ideas are given which are most appreciated, but I didn't ask for people to take digs at me especially when it comes to saying that you feel worst for the dog out of the three of us because it doesn't stand a chance. 

If I'm misinterpreting I do apologize but also correct me if I'm wrong and how I'm wrong. 

I'm looking for advice not more knives in the back; so please feel free to give open advice because I don't know what else I can do and I want to save this marriage and keep it going. 

Once again, correct me if I'm wrong but this is a very frustrating moment in my life so I thought I'd come here for a supportive community and good advice so please don't show me wrong.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Op, I apologize for saying that. It was not my intent to offend.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jhaug said:


> You know I do appreciate all advice and am open to criticism but if I'm correct I would most definitely say the community isn't very supportive. Sure ideas are given which are most appreciated, but I didn't ask for people to take digs at me especially when it comes to saying that you feel worst for the dog out of the three of us because it doesn't stand a chance.
> 
> If I'm misinterpreting I do apologize but also correct me if I'm wrong and how I'm wrong.
> 
> ...


I think the point was that there is a third party here without a voice, and that's all.

My point is that if you gave an ultimatum and you want it to be taken seriously, you have to enact the consequences of that ultimatum if it wasn't followed.

Either don't make the ultimatum to begin with, or enact the consequences.

Part of my wife learning to take me seriously was when I started doing what I said I would do, even if I really didn't want to do it because it was hard, or it sucked, or if I was just blustering.

And part of me (still) learning not to bluff and bluster is to have to do it, too.


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## Me Vietare (Nov 26, 2014)

The first year of a marriage sets the pattern for the rest of it. Ask yourself; "Is this what I want the rest of my life to be like?"

If the answer is "no," you need to divorce her now before you waste any more time, money and psychic energy. She's not going to change. 

Crazy is infectious. Save yourself.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

You got screwed. Do yourself a favor and take control of the situation now. When her father (assuming he did) walked her down the aisle, not only did he give you her hand but he gave you his responsibilities. In other words, when you marry a spoiled girl, you marry her baggage too.

I do not know how I feel about the whole dog thing. It is very weird that she rather takes her dog to her parents house rather than get the thing a crate. That makes no sense whatsoever. She will most likely throw you under the bus to her parents when they ask her why she is bringing the dog back, if she even does.

On another note, the communication is not ideal. You ask for one thing and she wants it another way. In your mind, you are right. In her mind, she is right. The employment communication is very bad and that is something that should be discussed maturely, as jobs are very important. 

This is the key note = Stop being her dad, today. If she is not willing to meet you half way to better prosper the marriage, then is it even worth it? Don't make the mistake many spouses have made and figure out that answer when you've wasted years of your life on a dead end. 

Goodluck


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Op, I apologize for saying that. It was not my intent to offend.


Thank you , Lucy. I understand what you guys are saying but it's frustrating for me since this is the third time I've had to mention this(I believe). 

I wish it would be just as easy and I understand that animals are work. She had the dog a year and a half before getting married and moving in.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

jhaug said:


> ... I would most definitely say the community isn't very supportive.


I think "supportive" is purely a subjective term here. I suggested you quit talking and enforce real boundaries. You told her it boiled down to you or the dog. She chose the dog. Then you backtracked and started saying your wife has issues with depression.

Do you want people to give you their honest takes on this situation, or do you want people to support you as you become a doormat? 

I'm sorry, but the dog is pooping in the house. You told your wife you don't want that. She said she'd go to her parents. You backed down. Now you're getting defensive with us.

Hey, it's no skin off my nose if you stay with this woman and have kids, pooping dogs, or whatever you desire.

But don't come here seeking advice, then getting your back up because you don't like what you read.

If you ask the questions, be ready to accept the answers. Or not. 

And as far as "knives in the back"? I suggest you look at the woman you married. We're nothing more than strangers in cyberspace. You don't live with us. You live with her. And her un-housebroken dog.

Your life. Your choice.

Seriously.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Prodigal said:


> I think "supportive" is purely a subjective term here. I suggested you quit talking and enforce real boundaries. You told her it boiled down to you or the dog. She chose the dog. Then you backtracked and started saying your wife has issues with depression.
> 
> Do you want people to give you their honest takes on this situation, or do you want people to support you as you become a doormat?
> 
> ...


Prodrigal, 

For starters, I didn't backtrack talking about depression. If you read below you will see that someone said her actions may be the result of depression so they simply asked if she has depression. I was only answering a question but if that's backtracking so be it. 

The reason I got defensive, is once I gave my update I seen posts such as people saying I don't know who to feel more sorry for, etc... Going through a frustrating moment with my wife, when I see a negative comment sure it'll make me defensive. 

I'm aware its no skin off of your nose and I do appreciate all advice but if I want to be disrespected I could go somewhere else, that is clearly why I got defensive. Such as you are now. I appreciate the individuals advice and your advice as well but why do you need to come off so disrespectful now?

I understand if you're going to mention the "knives in the back" but to put MY wife to that level, speaks a lot for your character. Sure, she may be bad at training a dog but you make it seem as though it's her as whole and it's like you say I don't know you as we're people from "cyberspace".

"Seriously".

All I ask is for some positivity and the negative comments is what got my defensive, so please rather than judge why I got defensive maybe you should ask first. I understand the advice will be negative but you can't make them "come off" as neutral?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Judging things as positive or negative is a waste of your time.

You know what you need to do, so go and do it.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

marduk said:


> Judging things as positive or negative is a waste of your time.
> 
> You know what you need to do, so go and do it.


Already have. She wasn't going to do the crate thing and give up her dog so I packed my clothes last night and she clearly got the hint. 

Needless to say, she got a crate and said she will train the dog and I said I will help too.


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## Sammiee (Apr 15, 2015)

Don't try to help if you don't know how to properly train a dog. Putting the dogs nose in it's own feces is not the proper way to train a dog.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Great job OP!!!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jhaug said:


> Already have. She wasn't going to do the crate thing and give up her dog so I packed my clothes last night and she clearly got the hint.
> 
> Needless to say, she got a crate and said she will train the dog and I said I will help too.


Groovy.

Now support her in this new direction as best you can. 

What's the plan? Puppy obedience school? Dog trainer?


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Great job OP!!!


Thanks Lucy! ?


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Sammiee said:


> Don't try to help if you don't know how to properly train a dog. Putting the dogs nose in it's own feces is not the proper way to train a dog.


Not everyone is educated right away on potty training dogs. You'd be surprised how many stories are out there that have actually worked with that... But thanks anyway. 

Training with a crate.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

marduk said:


> jhaug said:
> 
> 
> > Already have. She wasn't going to do the crate thing and give up her dog so I packed my clothes last night and she clearly got the hint.
> ...


Crate training her ourselves, she doesn't like the idea of how it sounds but that's because she thinks of the dog as her best friend and not an animal.


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## Sammiee (Apr 15, 2015)

jhaug said:


> Not everyone is educated right away on potty training dogs. You'd be surprised how many stories are out there that have actually worked with that... But thanks anyway.
> 
> Training with a crate.


Putting a dogs face in its own feces may "work" depending on how you define the word "work" but cutting off a dogs legs so it won't run away works too, again, depending on how you define "works".

Anyway crate training is humane and you just might find your dog likes to hang out in the crate even when you don't need to lock it in there anymore. It goes back to their ancestral roots from when they used to live in a "den".


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Sammiee said:


> jhaug said:
> 
> 
> > Not everyone is educated right away on potty training dogs. You'd be surprised how many stories are out there that have actually worked with that... But thanks anyway.
> ...


A short haired daschound. If you have any tips or advice for that type of breed, it'd be appreciated!


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## Sammiee (Apr 15, 2015)

Doesn't matter the breed.

Keep it in the crate when you can't directly supervise it. If it starts to make movements like it's going to crap or actually starts to crap, say "No" in a firm but not angry voice and immediately take it outside. 

When it craps or pees outside, praise it like it's the best creature on the face of the earth, give it a favorite treat.

Repeat for a few weeks and you'll have a house broken dog.

If you slip up, and the dog has an accident in the house, then expect it to take longer with each transgression.

It really is that simple.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Oh man, dachshunds are AWFUL to try and housebreak! Just AWFUL! You will likely have to crate it for the rest of its life when you guys leave the house.


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

Sammiee said:


> Doesn't matter the breed.
> 
> Keep it in the crate when you can't directly supervise it. If it starts to make movements like it's going to crap or actually starts to crap, say "No" in a firm but not angry voice and immediately take it outside.
> 
> ...


Do you do anything if the dog pees or poops while out of the crate? 

Not as in sticking her nose in it but would you just crate the dog?


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## jhaug (Apr 13, 2015)

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh man, dachshunds are AWFUL to try and housebreak! Just AWFUL! You will likely have to crate it for the rest of its life when you guys leave the house.


Trust me, I've experienced how bad she can be and I'm guessing it's part of the breed but she's super stubborn and doesn't listen for a lick.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

jhaug said:


> A short haired daschound. If you have any tips or advice for that type of breed, it'd be appreciated!


Ask that question here, you'll get all the help you can handle.


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## Sammiee (Apr 15, 2015)

jhaug said:


> Do you do anything if the dog pees or poops while out of the crate?
> 
> Not as in sticking her nose in it but would you just crate the dog?


If done properly the dog would never have the chance to pee or crap outside the crate because it would be directly supervised at all times when out of the crate during the housebreaking process.

So at worst, you'd catch the dog in the act which is the perfect time to issue a correction which would be a strong verbal "No!" as the dog is carried or led outside immediately to finish it's business.

After it's done so, it's now "safe" to allow the dog some unsupervised freedom indoors since it's unlikely to need to pee or crap again right away.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

That dog needs to learn who is alpha. You need to take the dog to obedience classes to learn proper manners. In the house, do the N.I.L.F. (Nothing In Life Is Free) method. Time to eat, the dog has to do a sit-stay before it eats. The dog wants to be petted, make it do a down-stay. Pretty much the dog has to earn attention by following commands & working for it. That teaches the dog who is boss & reinforces proper manners.

Get a leash, connect it to the dog & your belt loop while in the house. That way the dog can't sneak away to pee or poop, you can catch it in the act. If you can't pay attention to the dog, in the crate it goes....even if you are at home. Dogs will survive if they are in the crate.

If the dog cries in the crate, get a squirt bottle with water in it. When the dog cries, walk over squirt it & walk away. Don't say a word or do any "sweet talking", just squirt & walk away. Only take the dog out of the crate when it is quiet NOT when it is crying out, or you will teach it that crying will get it out of the crate.

All of this may sound "cruel" to a person that knows nothing about dogs, but these methods work. Stop treating the dog like a person & everyone including the dog will be happier in the household.


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## Sammiee (Apr 15, 2015)

All good stuff right here ^^^^^^^^^

Except- if you have the time and patients and the dog isn't suffering from unusual behavior problems then it can be trained without the use of a professional.


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