# Needing some support and truth lost the job today



## Pinkdaisy91 (Apr 16, 2013)

Yesterday I quit my job, after 3 years of being moved around having my pay cut, having my bonus took away, I then volunteered for some extra hours and was given them. I got my paycheck and of course was not paid for the work I did!!! I stopped by the office of the company I work for and as usual my boss was an arrogant prick and told me hes sacrificed a lot for me. That obviously set me off after 3 years of built up anger and lack of commending me on what a job I have done. I basically told him to take the job and shove it, after stopping by and putting my applications in at a few places on the way home I broke the news to my husband and since that moment he has been yelling, cursing, and hitting things.. he also keeps asking me for little things like tools, dinner out, and things we just can't afford like we used to its almost like he has never had to do without. I have broke down in tears several times and even went out to show him the effort i have made today with applying at 12 different locations I don't know what else to do, I mean isn't the husband supposed to be the supportive one???

HELP


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I hope you know what you are doing. It's not always wise to quit before having another job lined up.

Your husband isn't supportive because he didn't have any say in this decision.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep you just quit your job. didn't think it through very well.

I'd be pi$$ed if my wife just quit without having something else lined up. not very responsible of you.

husband are supost be be supporting to wives who act appropriately.wives who quit there jobs without discussing it with their husbands are spoiled little girls who think everybody should help them.

I wonder if your job was all as bad as you say.

I would apologize and look as hard as you can for a job.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

My husband would be furious if I did something to jeopardize our financial situation so recklessly.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So you allowed your pent up anger at being used and abused get to you. Sometimes you have to do that to preserve your sanity. And it sounds like you may have a passive mindset, if you married a man who screams and hits things.

Good time to reassess your whole life. I know a former pilot who lost his job, looked up grants online, found a bunch from the government, went back to school on the government's dime, and started a new career.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Can you clarify this:

" I then volunteered for some extra hours and was given them"

What industry is this? Are employees also vonunteers? If not and you worked you should be getting paid for hours worked. Why did thy take your bonus away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Not enough data to offer you "truth".

If it were my wife and she'd been abused by her employer, and if I knew about it, I would be maybe scared about the finances but would understand how she came to quit the job.

I might be angry, idk. It depends on a lot of details you haven't given us.

He has the right to be angry or upset or scared regardless if you were justified or not in quitting. Too bad for him. He'll get over it eventually.

Be sure he knows you are concerned about the finances too, and you're working hard at getting a better job asap. Be the first but not the only one to make sacrifices with the financial hardships. Don't grovel.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Thor said:


> He has the right to be angry or upset or scared regardless if you were justified or not in quitting.


 But he doesn't have the right to do this:


> yelling, cursing, and hitting things


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

If I had an inkling that I would 'need' to quit I would be taking steps well in advance to insure that it wouldn't cause financial issues. If I 'wanted' to quit it would be almost the same story - I would have a job to go to already. 

The only way I could sympathize with you is if you attempted to prepare to be jobless by drastically cutting expenses and your spouse went on spending at a two income level. That assumes that you told your spouse what you were planning to quit and that it was actually financially feasible. 

I get it that a job can be absolutely depressing and soul-sucking and the best thing for your mental health is to not be there. But if you have debt you have to have a plan to keep up with it whether that means selling the house and moving in to an apartment, moving to a cheaper area, selling a vehicle... whatever.


----------



## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

You didn't "lose" your job...you quit.

I would be furious if my DH had a hissy fit and walked out on his job, with no conversation or planning about it with me beforehand.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

turnera said:


> But he doesn't have the right to do this:


why not.


not the best route to take but when your irresponsible wife just up and quits her job when the economy is in the tank and it could effect the family then damned straight he has a right to but angry.


and she has the right to divorce him if she don't like it.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why not? Because anger doesn't get you what you want, and it irreparably damages your relationship. And that's not what getting married is about.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> why not.
> 
> 
> not the best route to take but when your irresponsible wife just up and quits her job when the economy is in the tank and it could effect the family then damned straight he has a right to but angry.
> ...


He has the right to, but he *shouldn't*. Because yelling, cursing, and hitting things is an immature and destructive way of dealing with your anger. 

Anger isn't a free pass to act like an azz. How you express it matters a great deal.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Pinkdaisy91 said:


> I mean isn't the husband supposed to be the supportive one???
> 
> HELP


No more than the wife being supportive of her husband by not making him the sole financially responsible one. 

If it was that bad, you should have talked with your husband and made a plan.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

VermisciousKnid said:


> He has the right to, but he *shouldn't*. Because yelling, cursing, and hitting things is an immature and destructive way of dealing with your anger.
> 
> Anger isn't a free pass to act like an azz. How you express it matters a great deal.


Hmmm, in a perfect world there would be kindness and everybody would consider eachothers feelings and his wife would not have made such a decission with out talking about it.And during time of anger you would bit your tounge and your partner would the have the decentcy to not do it again and rainbow every morning and cance would be eraciated............


But being the neanderthal that I am I realise we don't live in an utiopia and some people only get the point after some $hit has been broken and harsh words are spoken.

but hey what ever works for you great.


now I realise everybody draws the line somewhere different in these situations. and if speaking kindly get you results the great.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Hmmm, in a perfect world there would be kindness and everybody would consider eachothers feelings and his wife would not have made such a decission with out talking about it.And during time of anger you would bit your tounge and your partner would the have the decentcy to not do it again and rainbow every morning and cance would be eraciated............
> 
> 
> But being the neanderthal that I am I realise we don't live in an utiopia and some people only get the point after some $hit has been broken and harsh words are spoken.
> ...


You realize there's a huge gap between yelling, cursing, and hitting things and speaking kindly. The OP of course, did a very bad thing by up and quitting but it doesn't make going apesh1t over it any more effective. 

And if you find that you have to go apesh1t to be heard them you are in a bad relationship to begin with.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

I completely see where the spouse is coming from. BUT, that anger is not productive which I think is the point other posters are trying to make.

Does that mean that he isn't allowed to tell the OP "I am very very upset with you right now"? Absolutely not.

But if you're that mad, remove yourself from the situation and calm yourself down. Yelling and screaming doesn't fix anything.

OP: quitting without a plan was dumb. I understand sometimes you just get to a point where you have to do it for your own sanity but you also need to accept that unfortunately there will be consequences for your actions. You're married, and your actions effect your family too.

HOWEVER, you are showing remorse from what you've written. Next time he's seeming to be cruel or get angry, say something like: 

"I completely understand your point of view. My actions were selfish and I should have at least given you a head's up before this happened. However I'm trying to make things right and really need your support right now."


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

VermisciousKnid said:


> You realize there's a huge gap between yelling, cursing, and hitting things and speaking kindly. The OP of course, did a very bad thing by up and quitting but it doesn't make going apesh1t over it any more effective.
> 
> And if you find that you have to go apesh1t to be heard them you are in a bad relationship to begin with.


your assuming she is reasonable but her actions speak louder than words. she did a very unreasonabl thing by quiting.what makes you think talking reason with her would help.

and yes you are right that if you have to go ape $hit to get someone to be reasonable or listen to reason then it most likley its a bad relationship.

again take a look around this fourm its full of people in bad relationships. as a matter of fact there is no perfect relationship. People stay in bad relationships for many many reasons....money,kids,love,fear of the unknown.......are you sugesting everytime someone realises that their pertner isn't up to snuff you should just disgard them no matter what the consequence?


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> your assuming she is reasonable but her actions speak louder than words. she did a very unreasonabl thing by quiting.what makes you think talking reason with her would help.
> 
> and yes you are right that if you have to go ape $hit to get someone to be reasonable or listen to reason then it most likley its a bad relationship.
> 
> again take a look around this fourm its full of people in bad relationships. as a matter of fact there is no perfect relationship. People stay in bad relationships for many many reasons....money,kids,love,fear of the unknown.......are you sugesting everytime someone realises that their pertner isn't up to snuff you should just disgard them no matter what the consequence?


Disregard? No. But doesn't the advice given around here always contain a form of "make yourself a better person?" Whether you stay with your current partner or move on, it's always self-improvement. So if your spouse did something stupid I think you should try, if you can, to detach a bit, and recognize that your anger won't really make anything better. Make your point and move on. 

At least that's my approach at this point. The anger circle doesn't really work for me. It's an escalator.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Pinkdaisy91 said:


> I mean isn't the husband supposed to be the supportive one???
> 
> HELP


He is the supportive one. Every bill going forward is going to be paid by him because you cannot control your impulses. 

I'm going to wager a guess that you're rather volatile and your behavior towards your boss is mirrored in your behavior towards your husband. 

Now you've got the added stress of going from a two income to a one income household.

Things are going to get ugly.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Disregard? No. But doesn't the advice given around here always contain a form of "make yourself a better person?" Whether you stay with your current partner or move on, it's always self-improvement. So if your spouse did something stupid I think you should try, if you can, to detach a bit, and recognize that your anger won't really make anything better. Make your point and move on.
> 
> At least that's my approach at this point. The anger circle doesn't really work for me. It's an escalator.


there is no doubt that what you are saying is 100% true.

with that said sometime the person your with doesn't take it to heart unless there is some repercussions. I guess you could cut them off financially. then the passive aggressive game begins and resentment builds and then its also a vicious circle. I try my best not to be a hot headed ass but some times its the only thing that gets the point across.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> there is no doubt that what you are saying is 100% true.
> 
> with that said sometime the person your with doesn't take it to heart unless there is some repercussions. I guess you could cut them off financially. then the passive aggressive game begins and resentment builds and then its also a vicious circle. I try my best not to be a hot headed ass but some times its the only thing that gets the point across.


I hear you. And repercussions put you in the role of being the parent, which really sucks. If the person you are with is very negative you have to try to have double the composure because any conflict automatically causes a downward spiral. Very difficult to do.


----------



## PeaceTrain (Jun 25, 2011)

Really guys? I understand she should have discussed with her husband or at least let him know.

But if the boss is really really getting to your skin every day, I can understand the quitting in one day notice. But the huge mistake you made by not even making a phone call to say honey I am quitting, I had enough.

If I was you and since I was quitting anyway, I would make my boss's life little bit of miserable. For example starting a complain about him, filing a harassment report, calling HR. what's there to loose, you gonna quit anyway. Lets have little fun. Take a chance like George would say.

I understand though some people have less tolerance than others.

I had situation like you had, and I used to just ignore her and kept looking for another job. Once found, boy I made her life difficult with all the journal and email I saved.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

PeaceTrain said:


> Really guys? I understand she should have discussed with her husband or at least let him know.
> 
> But if the boss is really really getting to your skin every day, I can understand the quitting in one day notice.


You can understand her just deciding one day that she's had enough and just quitting with no other job lined up, without discussing it with her husband?

I sure can't. And I get why he'd be furious with her.

I don't understand how she can go and do that and then come on here and complain that he's not supportive of her impulsive, irrational and reckless decision.

So what her boss is giving her a tough time. Suck it up until you find something better, at 5 pm you go home and leave work and the boss behind and you still get that paycheck which you need to pay the rent and keep the lights on.



PeaceTrain said:


> I had situation like you had, and I used to just ignore her and kept looking for another job. Once found, boy I made her life difficult with all the journal and email I saved.


That's the responsible and mature way to handle it. Deal with the boss however necessary either by ignoring, trying to reason with them, complaining to HR, or whatever.. while you go and look for something better. I doubt your husband had an issue with the way you handled an early identical situation.


----------



## PeaceTrain (Jun 25, 2011)

lenzi said:


> You can understand her just deciding one day that she's had enough and just quitting with no other job lined up, without discussing it with her husband?
> 
> I sure can't. And I get why he'd be furious with her.
> 
> ...


I don't have a husband because I am the husband. I have a wife though


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

PeaceTrain said:


> I don't have a husband because I am the husband. I have a wife though


I knew that just wanted to see if you were paying attention.


----------



## PeaceTrain (Jun 25, 2011)

lenzi said:


> I knew that just wanted to see if you were paying attention.


You guys are always seeing attention


----------

