# Is my daughter too serious for a 12 year old?



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

So my daughter is VERY mature. Honestly she is probably the most responsible person in the house, My wife and I included. At 10 she asked for us to open a brokerage account for her to start investing for retirement. She is always reminder her brother to not forget about school projects. Today she started asking about what we have saved for college because the school with the top program for her planned major is 79k a year. We have had college covered since she was a toddler. And the career she is interested in, Industrial, Organizational Psychology. What 12 year old thinks of going into that? My wife was similar she liked visiting colleges and stuff when she was young, but my daughter is an extreme version. When she's hanging out with friends and stuff she's a perfectly normal 12 year old but I can't help but think she has her act a little too together. 

Another funny story about her, when she was in 6th grade, she was basically her teachers assistant. She had his login and password for the power school account and took attendance and lunch orders for the class everyday. The teacher would forget sometimes so she asked to take over. If she was out of school for a day she would text him to remind him to do attendance and lunch orders at precisely 8AM. 

My only concern is her being one of those kids that gets way to obsessive about the future. Though she does tell my wife all the time she didn't have enough fun when she was young.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

How does she do in school? Is she really smart or just super organised. If she’s smart she may find normal schoolwork boring.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Yah she's pretty smart. She does find school a bit boring, gets interested in stuff she can research on her own. She's fine working in groups but usually takes over and does most of the work herself. That was my problem in most classes in school I would get bored especially in math, and I didn't understand why I had to show my work and couldn't just write the answer, she is the same way. You can definitely see the aspects of my wife and my personalities in her but this ultra serious planned out future and extreme confidence is way beyond any kid I have seen. A little while ago she gave me a to do list, I'm not sure what I do with that, If I don't do it do I get grounded? LOL


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

As the parent you must make sure that she understands that life is not a scripted role which will happens as thought out. You must make her understand that in life nothing is guarantee nor deserved. That there will be tumbles along the way, but that we must learn from them. She must learn that inflexibility in one's life has not place. If she doesn't learn this she's setting herself for a life of disappointments and of negative feedback from others. We must learn to discern between smart and controlling, because many people that are from birth very rigid to their mind's scripts do have problem in the real world once grown up and on their own.

I'm not saying that your daughter is that way, only to watch out for these traits to correct if they are showing up. sometimes what we see as funny in one's child behaviour, in the long run could turn out to be detrimental. and congrats on your smart, disciplined child.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This doesn't have to be bad thing with her but if it was me, I would subtly try to figure out what her motivations behind all that are. It it about planning for her future or is it about control and feeling safe? I think that is where you can decide if it's bad or not in her motivations. 

Still people like Bill Gates had these kinds of characteristics. It reminds me about the show Bill Gate's brain. Basically when he was young he had all the analytical skill that made him a wiz at computers but if it was up to him he would have never spent any time with people. Typical nerd (I say that as a bit of one myself) tinkering with his tech. His Mom who was social person knew this was important to his future life so she basically made him socialize at least a little bit. She taught him the skills and made him be a greeter at her community events.

This is why we have Bill Gates because she gave him just enough people skills that he could do the people stuff, at least enough to run Microsoft. If not for her making him learn that he would have just been one of the programmers in some office somewhere. 

I think that is what a good parent does sometimes. They see where there child might not be motivated but where it's important, they are challenge them to learn the skills that will help them have a good life.

Letting go, is sometimes important in just a social situation. 

Anyway my two cents.


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## AmberP (Apr 21, 2021)

My oldest son is 12 now, and he looks like your daughter. Just as serious, but he likes it. He is not as active as other children, he reads a lot, he likes to be alone. But he has friends, so I'm not worried.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

To the extent she chooses to act mature beyond her years, let her be her. But I wouldn't encourage it, either. Don't give her extra authority. If she is pushing her brother around, tell her to knock it off and make it stick. As for her giving you a to-do list, remind her you don't work for her, making your response approximately as obnoxious as her request. 

Glad to hear she has fun w/ her friends.

If she is bored academically, maybe you can find something like math camp to give her a useful outlet.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

happyhusband0005 said:


> So my daughter is VERY mature. Honestly she is probably the most responsible person in the house, My wife and I included. At 10 she asked for us to open a brokerage account for her to start investing for retirement. She is always reminder her brother to not forget about school projects. Today she started asking about what we have saved for college because the school with the top program for her planned major is 79k a year. We have had college covered since she was a toddler. And the career she is interested in, Industrial, Organizational Psychology. What 12 year old thinks of going into that? My wife was similar she liked visiting colleges and stuff when she was young, but my daughter is an extreme version. When she's hanging out with friends and stuff she's a perfectly normal 12 year old but I can't help but think she has her act a little too together.
> 
> Another funny story about her, when she was in 6th grade, she was basically her teachers assistant. She had his login and password for the power school account and took attendance and lunch orders for the class everyday. The teacher would forget sometimes so she asked to take over. If she was out of school for a day she would text him to remind him to do attendance and lunch orders at precisely 8AM.
> 
> My only concern is her being one of those kids that gets way to obsessive about the future. Though she does tell my wife all the time she didn't have enough fun when she was young.


No idea. When I was 12 I was practicing my stealth skills (which are good to this day) while watching a woman sunbathing nude.

I ended up marrying her years later however.

It's interesting where people focus their minds.

I've been a next level horn dog for nearly my whole life and I'm mighty good at it!😉


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

My sister was exceptionally bright as a child and it is lonely. Other people their age don't think the same way. My son is similar. Giving her an outlet to explore her interests is crucial. Because her base personality may not change a lot, showing her she can be herself and be happy is important. She may face a lot of friction at school because people aren't always kind to the smart kid who corrects the teacher. (that was 100 percent my sister)

I would sign her up for things like team sports or debate team, or anything where she has to work as part of a team. It would help her channel her talents without having to be "lead" on everything. I have had students like this, and engaging them often involves adapting the learning material for their extremely advanced little brains. If their teachers aren't doing this you can argue for them to be termed gifted, because it means they need special intervention. As gifted individuals age up, they can start to lose focus and motivation in school especially in their teens. Is she very motivated by achievement and/or extrinstic adult
approval? Does her school have a gifted program or does your school district have one? Might be worth checknig out. When she says she didn't have fun as a young child (if I read that right, is that your daughter saying it or your wife?), it makes sense to sign her up for things that challenge her. Kahn academy is good for a challenge. Things like STEM or math camp, if she is scientifically inclined might be worth a look. 

Go book shopping with her or go to the library on a regular basis and let her pick half the books. She has a focused interest.

(This may be completely off base but: Does your family have a history of autism? My students who are on the spectrum tend to have WAY restricted and rather socially unusual interests early on such as a focus on a specific field. If they are academically bright they sometimes slip past detection for years by masking, in other words, copying or covering their traits related to autism, when they could have been receiving support for social skills or extra challenges for academics for example to keep them engaged.)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> So my daughter is VERY mature. Honestly she is probably the most responsible person in the house, My wife and I included. At 10 she asked for us to open a brokerage account for her to start investing for retirement. She is always reminder her brother to not forget about school projects. Today she started asking about what we have saved for college because the school with the top program for her planned major is 79k a year. We have had college covered since she was a toddler. And the career she is interested in, Industrial, Organizational Psychology. What 12 year old thinks of going into that? My wife was similar she liked visiting colleges and stuff when she was young, but my daughter is an extreme version. When she's hanging out with friends and stuff she's a perfectly normal 12 year old but I can't help but think she has her act a little too together.
> 
> Another funny story about her, when she was in 6th grade, she was basically her teachers assistant. She had his login and password for the power school account and took attendance and lunch orders for the class everyday. The teacher would forget sometimes so she asked to take over. If she was out of school for a day she would text him to remind him to do attendance and lunch orders at precisely 8AM.
> 
> My only concern is her being one of those kids that gets way to obsessive about the future. Though she does tell my wife all the time she didn't have enough fun when she was young.


Do you mean she told your wife that she herself didn't have enough fun when she was young or that your wife didn't?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

happyhusband0005 said:


> So my daughter is VERY mature. Honestly she is probably the most responsible person in the house, My wife and I included. At 10 she asked for us to open a brokerage account for her to start investing for retirement. She is always reminder her brother to not forget about school projects. Today she started asking about what we have saved for college because the school with the top program for her planned major is 79k a year. We have had college covered since she was a toddler. And the career she is interested in, Industrial, Organizational Psychology. What 12 year old thinks of going into that? My wife was similar she liked visiting colleges and stuff when she was young, but my daughter is an extreme version. When she's hanging out with friends and stuff she's a perfectly normal 12 year old but I can't help but think she has her act a little too together.
> 
> Another funny story about her, when she was in 6th grade, she was basically her teachers assistant. She had his login and password for the power school account and took attendance and lunch orders for the class everyday. The teacher would forget sometimes so she asked to take over. If she was out of school for a day she would text him to remind him to do attendance and lunch orders at precisely 8AM.
> 
> My only concern is her being one of those kids that gets way to obsessive about the future. Though she does tell my wife all the time she didn't have enough fun when she was young.


It makes me wonder if your daughter has ever had to be in a caretaker role within the family in some capacity. Has she had to care for a parent or take some of their duties or a sibling or a grandparent? It could be in a medical way or it could be if someone in the household is alcoholic or substance dependent some way or even a workaholic, where she had to take up the slack.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Yah she's pretty smart. She does find school a bit boring, gets interested in stuff she can research on her own. She's fine working in groups but usually takes over and does most of the work herself. That was my problem in most classes in school I would get bored especially in math, and I didn't understand why I had to show my work and couldn't just write the answer, she is the same way. You can definitely see the aspects of my wife and my personalities in her but this ultra serious planned out future and extreme confidence is way beyond any kid I have seen. A little while ago she gave me a to do list, I'm not sure what I do with that, If I don't do it do I get grounded? LOL


You may need to remind her that you are the parent and she is the child ☺ It's almost as if she feel responsible for you both and her brother and that can be a pressure for her to feel that level of responsibility. 
Make sure you do fun things with her so she can relax and hopefully she has sports and clubs and similar that she does.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> You may need to remind her that you are the parent and she is the child ☺ It's almost as if she feel responsible for you both and her brother and that can be a pressure for her to feel that level of responsibility.


That's possible, or maybe she just wants adult authority.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

It seems possible she likes thinking of herself as an adult and is affecting some or all of this to feel like she's not 12 y.o. At that age, kids imagine themselves as all sorts of things, so not a big deal. What the parents should not do however, is make comments about how mature she is to plan this career, since that is adding a BS incentive to her career path. I would even mention at an opportune moment that it is fine if she changes her mind. 

An even worse thing to do is give her authority or privileges b/c she is "mature". That is getting played, don't ever get played by a 12 y.o. I have seen people who played their parents, and when they got into the real world and found out how far that act would get them I felt sorry for them.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I was a lot like this at that age, unfortunately in my case I was a little parent, with two financially irresponsible parents. Won’t go into it, but I was looking after everyone.

Have you had any financial troubles that made her worry?

Fret not, she’ll be amazing with money but will have so much fun spending and saving it. A great skill many don’t have.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Do you mean she told your wife that she herself didn't have enough fun when she was young or that your wife didn't?


That my wife didn't.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Luckylucky said:


> I was a lot like this at that age, unfortunately in my case I was a little parent, with two financially irresponsible parents. Won’t go into it, but I was looking after everyone.
> 
> Have you had any financial troubles that made her worry?
> 
> Fret not, she’ll be amazing with money but will have so much fun spending and saving it. A great skill many don’t have.


No thats whats strange, she is just kind of naturally super mature and responsible. There's no real source of where it came from. It's mostly a big positive, but sometimes I look at her and think maybe she is a little too serious for a now 13 year old.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> That my wife didn't.


How does she know that?


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