# Supportive or Enabling??



## LuckyMe220 (Jul 29, 2014)

In the beginning of our relationship he was very hardworking and respectful. Over the years my husband began to have some health issues as well as job loss. Before I didn't work but at that time I knew i needed to step up. So for years now I have carried our family alone while still being supportive of his situation. Well now he is doing better but he's not putting forth much effort to get a job while my health is up and down and now I have lost my job. I'm trying to be understanding but i feel as if he has gotten comfortable with the role change. He doesn't help me when I'm feeling sick, won't help around the house anymore, and just stays out all day comes home late and goes to bed. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall he acts as if i'm talking down to him or treating him like a child. In my heart I feel I did what I was to do as his wife and now he is not being a husband to me. But enough is enough I'm loosing respect for him as a husband, dad, friend, and man... ?????? thoughts anyone


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I could not stay with a man like that. Of course you are losing respect for him. And of course you are blowing up at him, too.

Are you sure you want to stay with him?

If you do, start telling him your feelings, right when you feel them, as calmly as you can. Our truth has a way of affecting our spouse's conscience and working on it. 

Do that for a while, and you may see change. If not, you need to really ask yourself if you want to continue with this relationship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are enabling him.

Why not just divorce him?


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## LuckyMe220 (Jul 29, 2014)

I don't really believe in divorce. I was brought up to stick it out through thick and thin rich or poorer. He does get jobs here and there but to me that's not enough. I want stability... If i leave for a couple days then he realizes what he has to do and get things done then a couple months later we're back at the same place. I know it's bad. It's like i know what I should do which is leave but for some odd reason I can't.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LuckyMe220 said:


> I don't really believe in divorce. I was brought up to stick it out through thick and thin rich or poorer. He does get jobs here and there but to me that's not enough. I want stability... If i leave for a couple days then he realizes what he has to do and get things done then a couple months later we're back at the same place. I know it's bad. It's like i know what I should do which is leave but for some odd reason I can't.


I believe that in life we are handed lessons that are meant to teach us the important things we need to learn.

I would argue that you are completely missing the lesson of this relationship. You have to love yourself and take care of yourself first. If you don't, eventually you will lose yourself, your health and your strength. Marriage is not meant to be a mill stone around our necks. It's meant to be a partnership forged in love. 

Your believe that marriage is a mill stone is hurting you. You are enabling him to hurt YOU. When do YOU become important enough to love yourself?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

SO he gets support from you when needed but won't give it back?

Completely dis attached from relationship and goes out a lot?

You seem supportive and enabling for putting up with that!!!!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

LuckyMe220 said:


> I don't really believe in divorce. I was brought up to stick it out through thick and thin rich or poorer. He does get jobs here and there but to me that's not enough. I want stability... If i leave for a couple days then he realizes what he has to do and get things done then a couple months later we're back at the same place. I know it's bad. It's like i know what I should do which is leave but for some odd reason I can't.


Read the thread about how do you know if it is the right time to leave.

Yes it is hard to leave I am struggling with it myself. Maybe you have to leave again and this time stick it out for longer than a few days..maybe a few months instead to see if the changes stick.


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