# Divorce- Before or after holidays?



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

If you know that it's just not going to work, would you pull the plug before or after all the holidays if you have children?

Assuming there is no big conflict that would make the home a toxic place. Frustration, disappointment, sadness, but nothing like abuse or an AP going on. The problem is only with sex, other than that we have built a great friendship and partnership in other areas. 

I feel like if I wait there will always be something just around the corner to wait for and if we are still "together", do I still try? It's hard to be around him and not want to keep trying but it makes it harder to give up the more effort I put into it. Time will just keep passing and more holidays, birthdays, special events that we should wait out.

At the same time I don't want to be going through all this during Christmas either. That should be a fun memory for the kids, not a confusing time where they are unsure of their futures and stability.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Yes, there will always be other holidays, birthdays, etc., and it's still two months until Christmas. When is the earliest you could get out?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

technovelist said:


> Yes, there will always be other holidays, birthdays, etc., and it's still two months until Christmas. When is the earliest you could get out?


He'd be leaving and would need at least a month to get everything sorted. Since he wouldn't be able to by Nov. 1st we would likely be looking at Dec 1st (harder to get into a place mid-month) which cuts things close.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Well, of course it's up to you, but if it were me I'd want to get it over with so I could go on with the rest of my life.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If it doesn't affect THIS holiday, it will affect the next.
You may believe that enough time will have passed before the next, but it takes a few years (from my experience) for that raw feeling on major holidays to fade... for anyone closely involved.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

There is never a good time, it seems. There is really just the time when you can make it happen. I bought a place and moved in early December. We spent Christmas together, but otherwise started moving on with our lives.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> If you know that it's just not going to work, would you pull the plug before or after all the holidays if you have children?


I had this happen to me. It was right before the holidays when I caught her cheating and filed for divorce. I decided to wait till after the Christmas to kick her out of my house. I waited to give the kids one last Xmas together with their mom and dad. I don't regret it.

If you can wait, what's a few months? If not, no one would fault you.

Good Luck.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Might depend on the ages of the kids. The older the children, the more they will understand. Older kids also have fewer fantasy notions about Christmas. But Satya, is correct, if its not this Christmas it will be the next. The pain is the pain and avoiding it doesn't make it go away.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Kids will know you only waited til after Christmas and then that will still taint the memory. It will seem like fake happiness. Just get it over with. Try to make it positive by having kids help Dad make his new place homey and pretty for the holidays. But go through the decorations with them - sorting ornaments might bring up some memories that will make the holiday decorating sad. But other than that, divvy them up and take them over. Send the kids with a tube of cookie dough. Whatever to make holidays at Dad's a positive thing.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I agree it's never a good time but I think most people wait until after the holidays. I'm amazed at the huge number of divorce attorney ads and articles about divorce in our January issue of our local city magazine.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

You could probably draft up the paperwork that you needed but not present it to your husband until after Christmas. Or you two can work through the divorce quietly and not tell the kids until some time after the holidays were over. He isn't going to use the divorce to upset your kids during Christmas will he? There are places online where you can get free divorce papers too if you want to get started. Or you can have your lawyer draft them up. Free Divorce and Free Divorce Papers - all 50 States - Document Do It Yourself Service


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