# Help!! Do I leave 😢



## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

So I am married we don’t live together I stay with him he stays at mine in total 2/3 nights. But I see and talk to him everyday he won’t commit doesn’t want labels. I don’t see his family or friends and he never posts pics of us on his social media. We have a 5 year old son should I walk away been doing this for 3.5 years. We have been together 8 years for the first 5 years I socialised with his family and friends and he would always post on social media us. But now I’m his secret.

3.5 years ago he told me he didn’t love me anymore he turned his location off on phone something we shared after he had phone stolen. A party we should have gone to he went alone wouldn’t let me go and the woman I believe he was seeing was there.

I started talking to guy met for coffee walks etc husband found out hit me this carried on until I left. But he then started staying at mine until he bought flat behind my back. Lockdown bought us back together closer we feel in love so I thought. I was pregnant again but he made it clear he wouldn’t commit I lost baby he didn’t even come to me finished work and went to gym. I love him and take the 3 nights and him nipping in for dinner but I want to live as a family.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So you are married but not living as if you are married? You have never met his family or friends? Has your child ever met his parents or siblings? Are you sure he isnt already married to someone else?


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

If you want a full time H, it's not him and apparently that's not going to change. 
If you want a full time H, it's time to file for D. 

He's no good as it is. He's ultra disrespectful keeping you out of his public life (And I mean close relationships).


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> So you are married but not living as if you are married? You have never met his family or friends? Has your child ever met his parents or siblings? Are you sure he isnt already married to someone else?


We have been together 8 years we lived as husband and wife and I was part of his life with his friends and family. But three years ago we hit bad patch he moved out so for 3.5 years we have lived as I said previously


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Describe the “bad patch”.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Baytree said:


> We have been together 8 years we lived as husband and wife and I was part of his life with his friends and family. But three years ago we hit bad patch he moved out so for 3.5 years we have lived as I said previously


Its not really a marriage is it. If he isnt going to let you back into his life after 3 1/2 years then what is the point. Could he have another lady in his life?
Does he take your son to see his family?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Oh, he's living single, so he's dating other women. I believe if I were you, I'd get an attorney and get the child custody divided 50/50 as is now customary, so the child doesn't just lose its father. It would give you time to have a breather or work more or socialize, those 3 1/2 days he would be responsible for the child, and it might make him grow up a little. Likely, he will NOT prefer to have 50/50 because it will bust up his other social life, but I wouldn't take no for an answer. That is the norm these days in courts. It's only fair he do his part. Don't settle for less. Just tell the attorney that's what you want, because it actually is the path of least resistance legally. The judge can order he do it even if he doesn't want to.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Its not really a marriage is it. If he isnt going to let you back into his life after 3 1/2 years then what is the point. Could he have another lady in his life?
> Does he take your son to see his family?


Yes he does take our son every week to see his family then picks me up after and we go to his have dinner etc. I love him but struggling with this life. And no I don’t think he has another woman he’s more interested in making money and driving his flash car around.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Baytree said:


> We have been together 8 years we lived as husband and wife and I was part of his life with his friends and family. But three years ago we hit bad patch he moved out so for 3.5 years we have lived as I said previously


Lived as husband and wife. ... Married is a legal term. Are you legally married? Because living together isn't marriage.

Further your his secret now because he hasn't told anyone you are 'together' there maybe another woman or he may not want to tell his other family/friends you two are back together.

Either way he's not treating you right. If he doesn't want to admit you two are together and he doesn't want labels.... Move on. He's not that into you and using you as well as avoiding things he'd legally have to do such as child support. If you two split he still has to provide for his child. You two would have to work out child custody. He would under normal circumstances get some visitation. Some states it's 50/50 visitation some states declares a primary parent which follows where the child 'normally' is plus visitation.

It sounds like you may never have been legally married. Can you tell us if you are legally married?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Baytree said:


> Yes he does take our son every week to see his family then picks me up after and we go to his have dinner etc. I love him but struggling with this life. And no I don’t think he has another woman he’s more interested in making money and driving his flash car around.


So why do you think he wants to drive the flash car around and keep you a secret.

there is a thing called a VAR (voice activated recorder). Stick one under his seat next time he drives you around and retrieve it the time after that. I think you might be surprised.

Do you have access to his phone? Text messages? programs on his phone? Have you check tinder to see if he's on there?


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Oh, he's living single, so he's dating other women. I believe if I were you, I'd get an attorney and get the child custody divided 50/50 as is now customary, so the child doesn't just lose its father. It would give you time to have a breather or work more or socialize, those 3 1/2 days he would be responsible for the child, and it might make him grow up a little. Likely, he will NOT prefer to have 50/50 because it will bust up his other social life, but I wouldn't take no for an answer. That is the norm these days in courts. It's only fair he do his part. Don't settle for less. Just tell the attorney that's what you want, because it actually is the path of least resistance legally. The judge can order he do it even if he doesn't want to.


Thing is I don’t believe he is dating other woman think he wants best of both worlds. Also he likes his own space and get stressed easily. Maybe he wants out totally of our marriage and worries I will get everything through divorce. I love him and want us but 3 sleep overs with my husband isn’t enough.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Baytree said:


> Thing is I don’t believe he is dating other woman think he wants best of both worlds. Also he likes his own space and get stressed easily. Maybe he wants out totally of our marriage and worries I will get everything through divorce. I love him and want us but 3 sleep overs with my husband isn’t enough.


You're being naive. He's hiding you on social media, and he didn't used to. By that, he is saying "I'm available." Now whether there are any takers is another matter.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Lived as husband and wife. ... Married is a legal term. Are you legally married? Because living together isn't marriage.
> 
> Further your his secret now because he hasn't told anyone you are 'together' there maybe another woman or he may not want to tell his other family/friends you two are back together.
> 
> ...


Yes we are legally married we married in 2015 all our friends and family came it was amazing. Not seen his family for a year. Just worried as he’s pressured me into selling family home 50/50 split and I don’t understand why he’s not divorcing me and choosing a part time married life


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> So why do you think he wants to drive the flash car around and keep you a secret.
> 
> there is a thing called a VAR (voice activated recorder). Stick one under his seat next time he drives you around and retrieve it the time after that. I think you might be surprised.
> 
> Do you have access to his phone? Text messages? programs on his phone? Have you check tinder to see if he's on there?


I did that about 2 years ago heard him say to his friends we aren’t together that he only sees me for our son broke my heart as at that time he was living with me and we had been on holiday. He says I’m not a secret they all know we are together but he never lets me see anyone I didn’t even go to his mums party he and my son went. No access to phone don’t know passcode


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Baytree said:


> Yes we are legally married we married in 2015 all our friends and family came it was amazing. Not seen his family for a year. Just worried as he’s pressured me into selling family home 50/50 split and I don’t understand why he’s not divorcing me and choosing a part time married life


So he's all about money and he doesn't want to admit you are there. Wants to sell family home. Your family home or one you two financed together.

I'll be honest this seems like the kind of thing someone with a double life act likes. Really what do you know about the days he isn't with you?


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You're being naive. He's hiding you on social media, and he didn't used to. By that, he is saying "I'm available." Now whether there are any takers is another matter.


Exactly what I said to him I know my answers just guess you need someone else to tell you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Here's the thing.... Cheaters .... Lie


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Baytree said:


> _*... and I don’t understand why he’s not divorcing me and choosing a part time married life*_



Because you're foolish enough and desperate enough to *LET* him. How long have you been letting the guy disrespect you - three years now?

Come on, this isn't rocket science.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> So he's all about money and he doesn't want to admit you are there. Wants to sell family home. Your family home or one you two financed together.
> 
> I'll be honest this seems like the kind of thing someone with a double life act likes. Really what do you know about the days he isn't with you?


The home is what we bought together and we both moved out rented it out. We both rent separate homes hence why I stay at his and him at mine. But in the 3.5 years he bought 2 flats behind my back. And to be honest I don’t know what he gets up to I stopped checking on him ages ago as it wasn’t good for my mental health


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

@sokillme
@Cynthia 
@ABHale


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Baytree said:


> The home is what we bought together and we both moved out rented it out. We both rent separate homes hence why I stay at his and him at mine. But in the 3.5 years he bought 2 flats behind my back. And to be honest I don’t know what he gets up to I stopped checking on him ages ago as it wasn’t good for my mental health


Just know that when you divorce anything purchased after the marriage may be community property.

You should see a lawyer.

Even if you don't get divorced you should find out what would happen if you did.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Baytree said:


> So I am married we don’t live together I stay with him he stays at mine in total 2/3 nights. But I see and talk to him everyday he won’t commit doesn’t want labels. I don’t see his family or friends and he never posts pics of us on his social media. We have a 5 year old son should I walk away been doing this for 3.5 years. We have been together 8 years for the first 5 years I socialised with his family and friends and he would always post on social media us. But now I’m his secret


Are you sure he is not dating to someone else? 

I mean, did you have a ceremony and everything? 

Did you always only stay together 2/3 nights a week? Did that change or was it always like that?

What is this label thing? If you said the vows you are married, that is the label because that is what you call it? 

Look unfortunately this just doesn't seem sustainable. It's not how marriage works. Besides that unfortunately this has all the hallmarks of cheating. I hope I am wrong but whatever it is it's strange. I don't think you know the full story.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Are you sure he is not dating to someone else?
> 
> I mean, did you have a ceremony and everything?
> 
> ...


you aren't wrong about the cheating that's why I called you. I don't do the body of evidence as well as you.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Are you sure he is not dating to someone else?
> 
> I mean, did you have a ceremony and everything?
> 
> ...


Yes we had a proper ceremony and we lived together properly it’s just the last 3.5 years we have lived separately. I really don’t think he is dating anyone else he comes most evenings for dinner and chill and like I said we stay over at leat three nights and the nights we don’t stay he calls me several times. The label thing he says puts pressure on relationship so I said divorce me than we won’t have husband and wife label.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Baytree said:


> The home is what we bought together and we both moved out rented it out. We both rent separate homes hence why I stay at his and him at mine. But in the 3.5 years he bought 2 flats behind my back. And to be honest I don’t know what he gets up to I stopped checking on him ages ago as it wasn’t good for my mental health


Once you make a break from him, that is actually good news, because I bet you'll be successful at putting him behind you and will be more able than most to stop caring what they think about what you're doing and to stop caring about what he does and not to be putting things on social media for his benefit, in other words, censoring your life.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

What happened 3.5 yrs ago?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You’re not answering a very pertinent question - what was the bad patch that happened 3.5 years ago?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

We're all waiting to hear WHY the two of you began living separately. Care to explain?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Baytree you really need a solicitor. Check around for the best in you area.

I don’t think I have ever read about a situation like you are in. 

When does your kid see his side of the family?

How did this first come about?

Do you have a copy of your marriage license?

I see no other reason for him doing this except it gives him the perfect opportunity to cheat on you.

To be honest, l’m having a hard time wrapping my head around what you are going through.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Baytree said:


> Yes we are legally married we married in 2015 all our friends and family came it was amazing. Not seen his family for a year. Just worried as he’s pressured me into selling family home 50/50 split and I don’t understand why he’s not divorcing me and choosing a part time married life


He can spend his half of the sell then divorce you and take half of what you have left. Protect yourself legally, see a lawyer as soon as possible.


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## joejmartin80 (Oct 15, 2021)

You deserve so much better. As a man, who loved his wife dearly and was in a marriage for six years until she wanted out for someone else this month. Please know, that when a man wants you, loves you, desires you, he wouldn't want to be apart from you; he wouldn't live apart from you but rather he would take pride telling the world that he is with you. I know its hard, but you deserve so much better. I understand its difficult for you, but apart from him, focus on yourself and your son, you can do this. Start living for you and your son...when you do this which will always takes time, you will begin having external and internal changes (mind, body and soul) and will have happiness without him. And you know what, spouses take notice. Do this, be firm, stay strong, be persistent, he will take notice of those changes and will want you back into your life completely. When this occurs, and he feels the lack of attention you are giving him, the lack of contact, and the complete lack of disregard, trust me he will notice. I'm truly sorry you are going through this. Know your worth, just as I've been told. In my case, its over, I had no children with her, but I know my heart and have a great moral compass - that's why I say let him go, put you first not him. You can do this Baytree. God Bless You and your son!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Not to mention since he's buying stuff without her knowledge there could be other properties and money that would be marital. 

You really need a lawyer and a divorce.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Baytree said:


> Yes we had a proper ceremony and we lived together properly it’s just the last 3.5 years we have lived separately. I really don’t think he is dating anyone else he comes most evenings for dinner and chill and like I said we stay over at leat three nights and the nights we don’t stay he calls me several times. The label thing he says puts pressure on relationship so I said divorce me than we won’t have husband and wife label.


I think you should check on this and not assume anything.

Unless the 3.5 years ago was you cheating, then we have a totally different story, though he may still be cheating now. But it would explain a lot.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

The bad patch, are you avoiding this question for a reason? He’s left and no mention of you, and you’ve been living separately. He’s only seeing you because of the son?

Are you already divorced? I am confused.

What happened 3.5 years ago for him to leave you?

Everyone here is suggesting he’s cheating. But you’re adamant he’s not cheating.

Did you cheat on him 3.5 years ago?


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> The bad patch, are you avoiding this question for a reason? He’s left and no mention of you, and you’ve been living separately. He’s only seeing you because of the son?
> 
> Are you already divorced? I am confused.
> 
> ...


He said he didn’t love me anymore that he felt nothing he then focused on gym and a lads hol barely noticed me. I do believe at that time he was seeing a woman I started talking to someone he believes it went further. Relationship got violent so I left for fresh start he wouldn’t leave me alone so we started him staying at mine etc. for 3.5 years I’ve had no life I don’t to gym or live life like I should. Was kind of like this before everything happened also


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Baytree said:


> Yes we had a proper ceremony and we lived together properly it’s just the last 3.5 years we have lived separately. I really don’t think he is dating anyone else he comes most evenings for dinner and chill and like I said we stay over at leat three nights and the nights we don’t stay he calls me several times. The label thing he says puts pressure on relationship so I said divorce me than we won’t have husband and wife label.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So you do believe he was seeing another woman then, you started talking to someone and he believes it went further. Then soon after it got violent and he moved out.

But you’re confident he’s not seeing someone else now.

Let’s go back to the bit about you talking to someone else before he left. Who was he and how far did it go? Do you still have contact with the other guy?


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

OnTheRocks said:


> What happened 3.5 yrs ago?


We had a great marriage I was so in love. He had started acting strange I believe he was seeing a woman as we had been invited to friends party and he went alone wouldn’t let me go when normally I would she was at the party. We shared location always but he turned his off after this also told me he didn’t love me or feel anything for me I sobbed like a baby. After that was like living with stranger he focused on getting abs for lads hol. I started talking to a guy my husband believes more happened. The girl in question with him wouldn’t give me a yes or no as to what happened with them but my son dropped them in it so many times as he would say her daughters name.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> So you do believe he was seeing another woman then, you started talking to someone and he believes it went further. Then soon after it got violent and he moved out.
> 
> But you’re confident he’s not seeing someone else now.
> 
> Let’s go back to the bit about you talking to someone else before he left. Who was he and how far did it go? Do you still have contact with the other guy?


No all contact stopped I had already stopped it a few days before my husband found out. I had met up with him walks, coffee kissed. But he doesn’t believe that. I believe he was seeing another woman before when he told me he didn’t love me and he was acting strange. I was naive thinking this guy was being nice as I was upset but obviously wasn’t the case.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

GusPolinski said:


> Describe the “bad patch”.


3.5 years ago he told me he didn’t love me anymore he turned his location off on phone something we shared after he had phone stolen. A party we should have gone to he went alone wouldn’t let me go and the woman I believe he was seeing was there. 

I started talking to guy met for coffee walks etc husband found out hit me this carried on until I left. But he then started staying at mine until he bought flat behind my back. Lockdown bought us back together closer we feel in love so I thought. I was pregnant again but he made it clear he wouldn’t commit I lost baby he didn’t even come to me finished work and went to gym. I love him and take the 3 nights and him nipping in for dinner but I want to live as a family.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Ok, so it’s now clear your relationship with the other guy ended when you ‘just kissed’. Your husband hit you and it ended then. It makes sense now, thank you for clarifying. I also noted you’ve edited the original post, great that you added these details to it.

It looks like he indeed moved on immediately and is seeing your son now, just having contact with you because of his son. As he has clearly told others.

I’m not sure he was seeing another woman at the time. I may have wrongly assumed that he moved out first, but it now reads that you moved out first. Bit confusing.

Why do you now want him back?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> Here's the thing.... Cheaters .... Lie


Yes after some editing of original post and further clarification, cheaters do lie.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Ok, so it’s now clear your relationship with the other guy ended when you ‘just kissed’. Your husband hit you and it ended then. It makes sense now, thank you for clarifying. I also noted you’ve edited the original post, great that you added these details to it.
> 
> It looks like he indeed moved on immediately and is seeing your son now, just having contact with you because of his son. As he has clearly told others.
> 
> ...


He told me didn’t love me anymore and the woman in question I believe he was seeing before I started contact with this guy. I moved out due to violence after he found out also he was staying out phone off etc I found out later he had been going to the woman’s I believe he was seeing before all this. He. Claims he still sees me because he loves me and it’s about building trust. But it’s me doing all the work I fit everything around him he basically lives the single life. Comes for dinner stays he has our son once a week on his own. He says he’s still here for love so so I carry on being part time wife when it suits not going to his family events.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Baytree said:


> He told me didn’t love me anymore and the woman in question I believe he was seeing before I started contact with this guy. I moved out due to violence after he found out also he was staying out phone off etc I found out later he had been going to the woman’s I believe he was seeing before all this. He. Claims he still sees me because he loves me and it’s about building trust. But it’s me doing all the work I fit everything around him he basically lives the single life. Comes for dinner stays he has our son once a week on his own. He says he’s still here for love so so I carry on being part time wife when it suits not going to his family events.


You are letting him live the dream. He has a woman at home to care for his child and cook him dinner when he decides to come around. At the same time he has his own place and doesn't let you know where he is or what he is doing. All while he has been with another woman, told you he doesn't love you and got violent when he was jealous about you talking to another man. Are you giving him sex when he wants it too? He will go on like this forever, why wouldn't he?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Baytree said:


> Thing is I don’t believe he is dating other woman think he wants best of both worlds. Also he likes his own space and get stressed easily. Maybe he wants out totally of our marriage and worries I will get everything through divorce. I love him and want us but 3 sleep overs with my husband isn’t enough.


Then make his worries a reality. See a divorce solicitor.

Would counselling be an option?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m sure he does like that arrangement. He’s not really in a marriage but just shows up when he feels like it and then does whatever the rest of the time.

Wake up. He’s playing you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Baytree said:


> Yes he does take our son every week to see his family then picks me up after and we go to his have dinner etc. I love him but struggling with this life. And no I don’t think he has another woman he’s more interested in making money and driving his flash car around.


Omg. You know why guys drive flashy cars around and live separately from their wives and don’t want anybody to know they’re married? Because they’re screwing around it trying to. I’ll bet my next months salary he doesn’t wear his wedding ring. You’re crazy to stay in this.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Baytree said:


> He told me didn’t love me anymore and the woman in question I believe he was seeing before I started contact with this guy. I moved out due to violence after he found out also he was staying out phone off etc I found out later he had been going to the woman’s I believe he was seeing before all this. He. Claims he still sees me because he loves me and it’s about building trust. But it’s me doing all the work I fit everything around him he basically lives the single life. Comes for dinner stays he has our son once a week on his own. He says he’s still here for love so so I carry on being part time wife when it suits not going to his family events.


I wonder if you're only here to take things out of your chest or if you'd want some advice, because from what you're describing I see no problem. He's happy the way things are, and you have accepted this way of life, so what's to complain? you've got what you obviously want: some sort of a relationship with your husband. Is this what you really want? If no, then you need to regain your dignity and self respect and be willing to end it once and for all if what you really want he's not willing to give to you.

Your choices: 1. be a pathetic doormat willing to maintain the status quo as long as you can have some of him. 
2. Regain a modicum of your self respect and dignity and have the courage to divorce the dude if he's not willing to give you what you want. 

Time waits for no one


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Baytree said:


> He said he didn’t love me anymore that he felt nothing he then focused on gym and a lads hol barely noticed me. I do believe at that time he was seeing a woman I started talking to someone he believes it went further. Relationship got violent so I left for fresh start he wouldn’t leave me alone so we started him staying at mine etc. for 3.5 years I’ve had no life I don’t to gym or live life like I should. Was kind of like this before everything happened also


You write in a very confusing fashion, but the long and short of it is this: if he doesn't love you,has been violent, and he had been seeing someone else, that means that what you two had is gone. I've read your thread so far, and you say that you're married, so that means that you go see a lawyer, figure out your next steps, and go from there. 

What is a "lads hol"?


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Ursula said:


> You write in a very confusing fashion, but the long and short of it is this: if he doesn't love you,has been violent, and he had been seeing someone else, that means that what you two had is gone. I've read your thread so far, and you say that you're married, so that means that you go see a lawyer, figure out your next steps, and go from there.
> 
> What is a "lads hol"?


Why guys go on holiday 😬 when he said he didn’t love he said he was in a funny place and that he does love me and that’s why he still has me in his life. There is nobody else in the picture that I know of for the past 2.5 years.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Baytree said:


> Why guys go on holiday 😬 when he said he didn’t love he said he was in a funny place and that he does love me and that’s why he still has me in his life. There is nobody else in the picture that I know of for the past 2.5 years.


You only don't know because he keeps a lot of his life secret and has his own pad. This isn't what love looks like. He's playing you. Do some of your own Fact Finding. You'll see.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Baytree said:


> Why guys go on holiday 😬 when he said he didn’t love he said he was in a funny place and that he does love me and that’s why he still has me in his life. There is nobody else in the picture that I know of for the past 2.5 years.


He's living a life that he does not want you to know about and he does not want others to know about you. He's hiding something from you, probably either another woman or other women.

How much did he tell you about the two condos/apartments he bought? Did he have you sign the sale? Or did he buy them and pretend that he's not married to you? From what you have said, I think he's also hiding money and assets from you. It's probably why he has not filed for divorce and keeps you on the side. This way he does not have to disclose his finances to you.

For your own sake and your child, you need to divorce this guy. Your best bet is to not tell your husband right now about your plan to divorce him. See an attorney and have the attorney help you find out what his assets are since you own 50% of them. Then let the attorney serve him divorce papers.

Seriously, take care of yourself. If you don't, who will?


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> He's living a life that he does not want you to know about and he does not want others to know about you. He's hiding something from you, probably either another woman or other women.
> 
> How much did he tell you about the two condos/apartments he bought? Did he have you sign the sale? Or did he buy them and pretend that he's not married to you? From what you have said, I think he's also hiding money and assets from you. It's probably why he has not filed for divorce and keeps you on the side. This way he does not have to disclose his finances to you.
> 
> ...


I only found out about first apartment as I found something in my bin he put in by mistake had his name and delivery address so drove there confronted him. Second one he bought and told me after as I think he knew I was onto him. Both of these properties he bought solely and we own a house together. Not sure he wants to hide things he got himself a £90,000 Porsche this year I drive a £4000 Ford all about himself. This all makes me bitter as I do everything for him I also don’t go to gym and things as he wouldn’t like it. Yes he works hard earns the money but I have our son all the time so he can work as much as he likes. Personally I believe no woman his drive for money and possessions is to important at the moment maybe that’s why he keeps me as I will as he doesn’t have time to date.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I’m surprised no one has asked this yet - what does he do for a living? 

Does his day job match his lifestyle and his expenditures such as Multiple houses? Porsches? Keeping his life separate from his wife and family? 

Could this be something even darker than a garden variety affair? 

Could he be involved in some kind of criminal activity? Organized crime? Drug trafficking?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

When he said he was violent what happened?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I’m surprised no one has asked this yet - what does he do for a living?
> 
> Does his day job match his lifestyle and his expenditures such as Multiple houses? Porsches? Keeping his life separate from his wife and family?
> 
> ...


That was what occured to me.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Baytree said:


> Yes we had a proper ceremony and we lived together properly it’s just the last 3.5 years we have lived separately. I really don’t think he is dating anyone else he comes most evenings for dinner and chill and like I said we stay over at leat three nights and the nights we don’t stay he calls me several times. The label thing he says puts pressure on relationship so I said divorce me than we won’t have husband and wife label.


I was living with my exH 24/7 with 2 young children and was having multiple affairs. This clown cheats on you when you're together, now only has to account for himself part time, and is showing the classic signs of a fence sitter who's living single while keeping the wife on the side as Plan B, and you doubt he's cheating now?

I got some oceanfront property in Arizona if you're interested because it's fairly obvious you'll buy anything.



Baytree said:


> He told me didn’t love me anymore and the woman in question I believe he was seeing before I started contact with this guy


Do you even read what you write?!?!?! Jeeze, just cut him loose, get the divorce, and find someone who isn't using you as a booty call and support animal.


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