# Met someone else



## Jonphp (Jan 12, 2014)

Hi, 

I have been in a loving relationship for 15 years with my girl freind - fiancee. I have children that i love very much & i am generally very happy with what i have. 

Reason i am posting here is lately i have become confused because of feelings for someone else. My partner made a new freind a while back who is around quiet a bit. This person is a good freind to my partner & respectful. 

The problem is there is a bit of a connection between my partners freind & myself and has been from minute one. We chat via social networks & sms & in person sometimes. There is flirting mostly coming from me but she never tells my partner.

I am freinds with all my partners mates and some are pritty others are average and i never flirt with any of them except the girl in general mentioned above. I don't cheat and make a big effort to be a loving partners and father.

My partners friend sometimes stops contact with me only to restart it a week later. Others have noticed the way she looks at me on and off. 

I still love my current partner as well we have been together years. I don't usually flirt or disrepect my women. My partner is also good looking.

So here is were i need help:

I love my partner but i feel like im falling for her freind. Her freind is very good looking, amazing eyes, voice & body. I find myself thinking about her alot & look forward to running in to her & so fourth. She can be a bit annoying sometimes but i like to be there when she is upset with support messages & so on. Question is Have i fallen in love with this women or is it just lust or infatuation! Really really confused


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

It is infatuation, you cannot "love" someone you don't even know.

Tell your SO that this new friend should not come around any more. Stop all contact with her and pull your head out. This new found "chemistry" will not last. You will end up with a destroyed relationship and all alone at the end.


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## Jonphp (Jan 12, 2014)

Thanks for the reply.

I do know her though that's the thing. We have been talking for months in person and online. She's around a lot. I do agree with you that it could be infatuation and im playing a dangerous game, but i just can't seem to get this girl outta me head and it's so unlike me.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

What kind of friend flirts with her new friend's S.O.? A tramp (with self-esteem issues) that's what kind. This woman is *NOT* a friend of your gf/fiancée. She's definitely *NOT* a friend of your relationship.


You need to cut off ALL contact with your gf/fiancée's new friend.
Wise your gf/fiancée up to what a back-stabber this woman is so she can drop her from her circle of acquaintances.
Apologize to your gf/fiancée for your inappropriate behavior.
Work HARD to be more focused on your gf/fiancée and fix whatever problems you two have. Read The 5 Love Languages and His Needs/Her Needs. BOTH of you read them.

Has it occurred to you that maybe this new girlfriend is envious of your gf/fiancée and is trying to get you in bed as a "gotcha" to her...to prove to your gf/fiancée and to herself that she's "hotter" than your gf/fiancée?

Kick this skanky back-stabbing 'friend' to the curb so the Karma Bus can run her over!


.


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## Jonphp (Jan 12, 2014)

Thanks for the reply.

That's the thing the girl is not skanky in any way. She has a partner and kids to with no history of being a skank cheating or breaking relationships. She has made a big effort like myself to keep are distances but as soon as we have physical contact with each other the spark seems to instantly return! 

I don't deny that what im doing is wrong that's why i have came here for advice. Think it's just a case of two people who have clicked. I am going to back off and already made that decision before i posted. Was more curious to know if i had fallen i love or just got a bit infatuated! 

Thanks for your advice anyway


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Skanky as in flirting and talking with one of her friend's husband. Just as you are skanky for doing the same. 

This is really a crappy thing that you are doing to your "partner". It's called an EA...emotional affair.... because you are giving another woman mental/emotional space that belongs to your partner. 

You SHOULD confide in your partner, and get rid of this "friend" from your lives, because she isn't really much of a friend.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

KNOCK IT OFF! Not cool. CUT THE CRAP! 

Double down on your current relationship. Got it?


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## Jonphp (Jan 12, 2014)

Thanks for the advice but it would have been nicer without the name calling. If i am so "Skanky" why am i around all of her other freinds, mates wifes, female co-workers and never flirted or felt like this. Also why if i am so "Skanky" has it taken me 10 years to act "Skanky" out of the blue. 

The thing most of you have missed here is as follow:

.I already knew i was in the wrong for what i have done.
.So does the other person in mind and she makes it known at times.
.Some people are naturally attracted to each other sexually and personality wise. Therefor it can happen to anyone mid way through freindship making it awkward to tell someone to just "pissoff" hurting there feelings. 

I already stated i am backing off. You all seem to have miss read my question but never mind.

One thing before i go am i the only one who has developed feeling for someone else. I did not come here to be bashed by people who are angry from being hurt in the past. 

Thanks for the advice,

Outta here.


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## Jonphp (Jan 12, 2014)

YupItsMe said:


> KNOCK IT OFF! Not cool. CUT THE CRAP!
> 
> Double down on your current relationship. Got it?


Thanks for your polite advice ;-)


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

I read your post. You said you were confused. No you are not confused. You are doing what you just now said you know is wrong. That's skanky. If you are in a committed relationship, you DO NOT allow healthy boundaries to be crossed by allow someone toxic to a relationship to stick their nose under the tent. This other person also should back off and has not CONSISTENTLY done so. 

The ONLY two options that are not skanky is to end the relationship you are currently in if you want to pursue another or to END the CRAP. 

Pursuit of another while in a committed relationship is not an option. 

Saying behavior is skanky is not calling you a skank. Stop whining and focus on the people you are going to hurt if you continue on the path you are on.

FWIW I have not been hurt. I am not here because of a failing marriage so your assumptions are off base at least with this member.

Everyone here is trying to help you from making a mistake. They are deeply committed to helping others avoid the pain of the mistakes you are making. 

If your partner was doing what you are doing without your knowledge with one of your friends you would want us telling her to cut the crap. Denying that is bull****.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Jonphp said:


> Thanks for the advice but it would have been nicer without the name calling. If i am so "Skanky" why am i around all of her other freinds, mates wifes, female co-workers and never flirted or felt like this. Also why if i am so "Skanky" has it taken me 10 years to act "Skanky" out of the blue.
> 
> The thing most of you have missed here is as follow:
> 
> ...


You are not skanky. Your affair partner is not skanky. Your behavior is skanky. That's what you need to knock off.

You need to explain the situation to your partner. Tell her that you've developed inappropriate feelings for her friend and you need your partner to help you to recover from this by not bringing her around any more. Two reasons: You need to cut all contact with your affair partner to clear your head and you can't do that if your partner is hanging around with her, and it is very disrespectful to your partner to have her bringing in the person who is going to wreck her life without letting her know the path you're all on.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

You have to understand that most of here on this site are dealing with life after an emotional affair or physical affair. They all start with what your doing right now. That being said, I think all people flirt and infactuation happens sometimes. I had a crush on my sister in law for about a year. I think she felt it too but we never talked about it privately. It's normal to feel attracted to other women. It goes away if you don't pursue it. 
The key to not hurting anyone is don't take it private. Talking to her only around your gf would be safest thing you can do. You've talked privately to her that is where your making your mistake. Your building a relationship with her each time you do it privately. You also like how it makes you feel. This is an emotional affair. Your needs are being meet by another women. 
I would advise you to avoid private conversations. Ignore her if she persists on line or whatever and the infactuation will go away. 

Keep in mind, you came here asking our advice on a very sensitive subject that has done serious damage to others here already. If you don't like the reality of what your creating and the opinions of our members you should take a look at why that is? It's probably because the truth hurts and your actions are not honorable. Take this opportunity to learn from us and learn to do the right thing.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

* Question is Have i fallen in love with this women or is it just lust or infatuation! Really really confused *

There is the OP's actual question. He's a bit sensitive, so we have to say this gently:

It doesn't matter what you call it Sweetie, it is inappropriate and you should stop all contact with this girl. Your partner will probably not appreciate that your thoughts and attention are on this other woman. 

*I think people got harsh because you weren't showing understanding of what we were trying to say. To put it politely, if a girl or a guy shows a married person extra attention then they are not behaving responsibly, or showing maturity or integrity. This goes for married people who have EA's, or single people who form inappropriate relationships with married people.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Jonphp said:


> Thanks for the reply.
> 
> ........ I'm playing a dangerous game........


You, Sir. Are about to destroy 2 relationships.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

WayUpNorth said:


> You, Sir. Are about to destroy 2 relationships.


Get yourself a copy of Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. Read it yourself, and get your partner to read it too. You are playing a dangerous game. You have primitive systems in your brain engaged in ways you will have difficulty controlling. You say the two of you have already consciously tried to dial it back, but you consistently fail. The brain chemicals involved are highly addictive, and they can cause people to do incredibly stupid things. You are well on your way to destroying two families, but maybe, just maybe you can get away having only damaged them. Are you willing to come clean to your partner?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

She can be annoying at times....imagine when your living together with bills and cleaning and other non pleasant things to deal with?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't think you've fallen in love with her, it's just infatuation.

Any rate, it's inappropriate - and you know that.

Neither of you has any business chatting via text/email/online...NONE.

You have a 15 year relationship at stake here. FIFTEEN YEARS. Don't risk it. It's not just yours either - there's her relationship too, not to mention the lives of all the kids involved that will be completely f'd up if you take this further.

You don't need to just back off, you need to cut off ALL contact with this woman now. No more seeing/talking to/emailing/texting...nothing.

And you need to do it now.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Is anybody in this circus actually married? Or all they are is in business together?


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

It's infatuation. Nothing more


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