# Do women cheat more than men or are men good at hiding it



## frank29 (Aug 22, 2012)

Hi just scrolling down this thread it seems women are more wayward what do you think


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Or maybe that woman are just more apt to post about it (looking for a confessional) and guys don't.


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## frank29 (Aug 22, 2012)

You well be right


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

frank29 said:


> Hi just scrolling down this thread it seems women are more wayward what do you think


Recent studies show that in the last ten years cheating has drastically increased among women, rivaling Mid life crisis men. 

Women in their 30s with kids, has increased the most.

Followed by women in their 50 and 60s


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I would say that since most affairs require a partner, men and women cheat equally, at least as far as heterosexuals are concerned, and treating those in the know, and those in the dark equally.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

When men cheat they usually don't consider it a big drama and often they never even considered ending the marriage over it. It's just a sexual thing. So, no need for venting. No need to seek for help, no big regret, and quite often they have no problem throwing the OW in front of the bus if caught. They probably limit themselves to commenting to a friend over a beer "wifey knows i'm banging the neighbour, she is pissed...".


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I heard some statistic that:
50% of men cheat (roughly)
40-60% of women cheat. Problem is this is harder to measure, because they don't want to admit to it. 

And going further:
90% of marriages (roughly) recover when the husband cheats. 
10% of marriages (probably right) recover when the wife cheats. I think this has a couple factors:
Women are usually the LDS. So the husband views it more as a rejection of him as a man than anything else. 
Secondly, a woman could potentially cuckold a man. I know right now if my wife had gotten pregnant from the OM, we wouldn't be talking. It is impossible for a man to do this to his wife, so she doesn't feel this betrayal. Yes, he get stuck paying for child support, but that is a bill, and that is it. You don't have to see its face everyday. 

And I also think, at TAM, you tend to get BH more often than WW, and BW. 
Reason being:
Waywards (either sex) don't want to come here! They get bashed, attacked, rediculed, on the internet! They have that at home. So they just rather not come here. Look at the posters that come here that are unfaithful. They are ripped apart. 

As for BW and BH that come here, I think women may have a larger support circle. They have friends, family, church groups, etc. set up to protect, help, and counsel them. 
BH? Well, I'll say it right now. Before I found out, I looked down on them. I knew a guy at my work that had a WW. I thought "What a waste. He can't keep his wife in line and show her who is the boss, so she finds someone else to be the boss." 
Obviously my thinking has changed A LOT!

But I find it embarrassing to be a BH. I didn't want my friends to know. I didn't want my coworkers to know. I didn't want anyone to know! 
Then when I try to find support, what do I have? 
A suicide hot line, and a church group for men that have cheated, then a singles mingles group. Oh, and a marrital support group, not really what I wanted. Hell, there are more support groups for cheating women than there are for betrayed men in my area! (I did actually look it up)
So I came to the internet. I wanted someone, that didn't know me, and someone that I didn't have to worry about judging me (because hell, you don't know where I live and I don't know where you live) and someplace I could be completely honest. I knew I needed help, and I consistently needed help, and differing opinions on what to do. Because debate is healthy. Otherwise, who knows. I might be dead from liver failure right now if I hadn't come here.

For all the BH out there, how many of you wanted to tell your friends, or your family, or your coworkers, "HEY! MY WIFE CHEATED! I NEED YOUR SUPPORT!"
Because I know all I wanted was BHA. 
Betrayed Husbands Anonymous.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

costa200 said:


> When men cheat they usually don't consider it a big drama and often they never even considered ending the marriage over it. It's just a sexual thing. So, no need for venting. No need to seek for help, no big regret, and quite often they have no problem throwing the OW in front of the bus if caught. They probably limit themselves to commenting to a friend over a beer "wifey knows i'm banging the neighbour, she is pissed...".


^^^^This. Most of the cheating men I have come across are very nonchalant about it. It's a secret of course from their wives but they act like it's totally normal. Most of them believe they are entitled to "variety" or that they are entitled to the types of sex their wife don't provide so they seek it elsewhere.

I will not deny the existence of cheating women. I am just saying in my experience the numbers have been about 10 to 1 in favor of more cheating men. Maybe the women are better at keeping it themselves? Who knows.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

costa200 said:


> When men cheat they usually don't consider it a big drama and often they never even considered ending the marriage over it. It's just a sexual thing. So, no need for venting. No need to seek for help, no big regret, and quite often they have no problem throwing the OW in front of the bus if caught. They probably limit themselves to commenting to a friend over a beer "wifey knows i'm banging the neighbour, she is pissed...".


Mine was mainly emotional. I was in such a dark, lonely place. My wife had her affair, I had nobody to speak to, no one knew. I think her mother suspected, but kept her counsel.

But I never told OW about my wife's affair.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> ^^^^This. Most of the cheating men I have come across are very nonchalant about it. It's a secret of course from their wives but they act like it's totally normal. Most of them believe they are entitled to "variety" or that they are entitled to the types of sex their wife don't provide so they seek it elsewhere.
> 
> I will not deny the existence of cheating women. I am just saying in my experience the numbers have been about 10 to 1 in favor of more cheating men. Maybe the women are better at keeping it themselves? Who knows.


Nonchalant? I was actually in bits over my affair. I felt worse about it than I did about my wife's affair.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Nonchalant? I was actually in bits over my affair. I felt worse about it than I did about my wife's affair.


That's you. I am talking about the men I have come across.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

From everything I've read and experienced men cheat more but women are better at keeping quiet. Women are better at compartmentalization which enables them to hide long term affairs better than men... or so I've read. I'm surprised women don't cheat more often given the fact that they have WAAAAYYYY more choices and opportunity than we do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> That's you. I am talking about the men I have come across.


But I can only talk about me. My personal experience. Sorry, but that's all I know.

By the way, do not confuse nonchalance with bravado, aka whistling in the dark.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> ^^^^This. Most of the cheating men I have come across are very nonchalant about it. It's a secret of course from their wives but they act like it's totally normal. Most of them believe they are entitled to "variety" or that they are entitled to the types of sex their wife don't provide so they seek it elsewhere.
> 
> I will not deny the existence of cheating women. I am just saying in my experience the numbers have been about 10 to 1 in favor of more cheating men. Maybe the women are better at keeping it themselves? Who knows.


For the ratio to be 10 to 1 that would assume that men cheat with either single women or professionals.

I do think that if a man is a cheater he is likely to be a serial cheater though. If so then this would skew the statistical numbers towards higher number of women cheating.

Meaning if a man is a serial cheater then he may have cheated with 4 hookers, 3 single women and 1 married woman. In this case the number of male and female cheaters are even. Though the man is a serial cheater.

If this serial cheater has affairs with multiple married women over time then the numbers for women are higher.

That said if a woman desires to be a serial cheater she has more access to more partners than the male does. There are typically men lined up for women whether they realize it or not. So this type of woman may sleep with some number of married men. That would drive the male numbers up.

Do EAs count in these numbers? Or are we just talking about PAs? If EAs count the question then becomes who is having EAs and with whom? Do married men tend to have EAs with married or single women? Do married women tend to have EAs with married or single men? Is it all even? Idunno.
I suspect we are talking PAs.

What do I think? I think there is some number of men that cheat all the freaking time. Most men do not cheat. Sorry no way that half of the married men are cheaters. But if you include EAs then I will believe it. But that will sky rocket the female numbers even though we know women can have all sorts of male friends. I have known some cheating men in my day but I cannot believe that a large number of them have had PAs.

I am betting there is the same segment for women. Women who cheat a lot. But they would drive up the male numbers unless they just cheat with single guys. So who do women cheat with more? Married or single guys?

I am betting that cheating numbers are about equal these days. Total specualtion on my part.

I also would guess that women hide it better or at least have in the past because they were taking more of a risk. Risk is lower these days so maybe they do not bother to hide it any more. Due to more balanced earning potential and less stigma with infidelity I can see married women admitting affairs more openly. AND I think men are less likely to have affairs for fear that they will lose their children.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jfv said:


> From everything I've read and experienced men cheat more but women are better at keeping quiet. Women are better at compartmentalization which enables them to hide long term affairs better than men... or so I've read. I'm surprised women don't cheat more often given the fact that they have WAAAAYYYY more choices and opportunity than we do.


I think some men cheat a lot but I am not buying that more men cheat than women any more.

For some reason we men anyway want to believe that women who cheat are in the small minority.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> ^^^^This. Most of the cheating men I have come across are very nonchalant about it. It's a secret of course from their wives but they act like it's totally normal. Most of them believe they are entitled to "variety" or that they are entitled to the types of sex their wife don't provide so they seek it elsewhere.
> 
> I will not deny the existence of cheating women. I am just saying in my experience the numbers have been about 10 to 1 in favor of more cheating men. Maybe the women are better at keeping it themselves? Who knows.


Just curious who did these men cheat with as far as you can say?


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Yes I am talking PAs.

And yes I have witnessed alot of serial cheating men. That is a good question of whether they are cheating with married women or not. Honest answer is I don't know 100%. It seemed to be single women though.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Yes I am talking PAs.
> 
> And yes I have witnessed alot of serial cheating men. That is a good question of whether they are cheating with married women or not. Honest answer is I don't know 100%.


I don't know either. I try to avoid those types of people frankly. Those who have that life style.

But real statistics on this topic are tough to come by.

Random article on men vs. women cheating

They claim most women never get caught but one in five men do ....



> The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret.
> 
> 'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.'


Tabloid junk ... perhaps.

I think most husbands are in total shock if they find out their wife cheated. Most men would insist their wife would never cheat on them. You get a lot of men on here saying that they trust their wife completely. I am no different BTW. But how would I really know? Men do not want to believe that their wife could possibly do this. So even faced with overwhelming evidence they are in denial. Because she is just not that kind of a person.

Do women feel this way ... I wonder. Or do women feel that most men could potentially cheat?


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

I think the numbers are about the same for both genders. Women are way better at hiding their dirt. And women do have a far bigger support group to lean on when their spouses do step out, as if it's expected. Not to mention the staggering amount of shows that tell women what to look out for in terms of the signs that your man might be fooling around; Oprah and Ricki Lake made millions from telling women how to spy on their men while guys were left to fend for themselves when their spouses wanted to get some strange. Meanwhile, churches, social support groups, and others assume that the wife will always be faithful and the husbands who have disloyal spouses won't dare speak up, in fear of losing their man card. It takes a lot for a guy to step out and admit to dealing with a WW; to guys, it's like admitting to not being enough of a man in the bedroom, especially since the wife decided to vote with her vagina with another guy. A man can be a millionaire and it still wouldn't matter much if their spouse has no desire to get busy with them and would rather be getting it on with someone else. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> ^^^^This. Most of the cheating men I have come across are very nonchalant about it. It's a secret of course from their wives but they act like it's totally normal. Most of them believe they are entitled to "variety" or that they are entitled to the types of sex their wife don't provide so they seek it elsewhere.
> 
> I will not deny the existence of cheating women. I am just saying in my experience the numbers have been about 10 to 1 in favor of more cheating men. Maybe the women are better at keeping it themselves? Who knows.


Who are the men cheating with ? 

I think the numbers are pretty even.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

With the advent of Facebook, I would think that would greatly equalize both genders and would considerably increase the number of cheating episodes, moreso than what they used to be.

In time, I sadly feel that cheating will ultimately become the rule, rather than the exception. And that is truly one bothersome and very haunting statistic!


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

I think our reputation is worse when it comes to cheating but that is probably because we get caught more often. Most of the married men I know do not believe their wives are capable of cheating. These same wives flirt with me btw.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Do women feel this way ... I wonder. Or do women feel that most men could potentially cheat?


My father cheated.

Of my 3 brothers 2 have cheated. They range in age from 45 to 61.

My oldest brother (10 months younger than me) married his AP. She has since cheated on him a few times. One of the affairs was with my sister #2's husband. She tried have an affair with sister #4's husband but he could not stand her.

I have 5 sisters.

Sister 1 - her husband cheated through their entire 25 year marriage.

Sister 2 - Married twice. Both husband cheated on her throughout their marriages. She is the only one of my sisters who has cheated... and she did it as an exit affair after years of being the BS and a lot of emotional abuse... exit affair.

Me (sister 3) married 3 times.. all 3 cheated... they were serial cheaters. I had a long term boyfriend (from high school) he is the 4th significan male relationship I had.. he cheated on both of his wives... tried over and over again to make me one of his affair partners.

Sister 4 - Married over 30 years now.. we are not supposed to know cause they have a 'perfect' marriage. But he's had at least two pretty long term affairs.

Sister 4 - married 2 times. First husband cheated. 2nd husband cheated twice and eventually left her for his affair partner.

I've known a lot of married men who cheated and very few married women who have.

My oldest son's wife cheated on him.

Yea, I don't trust men. My illusions are gone. I surely do not trust my choice in men. I guess I pick men like my father... very good looking, charming, intelligent with a good sense of humor... who are just liars and cheaters.

My personal experience is that many more men cheat than women. And men who cheat tend to be serial cheaters. 

But statistics that I’ve read is that in this day and age, in studies where the respondent is anonymous men and women cheat at about the same rate.. About 20%.. With women self-admitting about 17% of the time and men 19% of the time.

Women do have equal rights today. They are no longer stoned or thrown out with yesterday's trash (by society) so apparently women now cheat at about the same rate as men now.. a side affect of equality I guess.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Who are the men cheating with ?  I think the numbers are pretty even.


I would bet that most men cheat with single women.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Simon Phoenix said:


> ..... It takes a lot for a guy to step out and admit to dealing with a WW; to guys, it's like admitting to not being enough of a man in the bedroom, especially since the wife decided to vote with her vagina with another guy. A man can be a millionaire and it still wouldn't matter much if their spouse has no desire to get busy with them and would rather be getting it on with someone else.


Why do you think that this sort of thing is harder on a man? Do you have any idea what it makes a woman feel like when her husband votes with his **** to screw someone else... and very often not one but many other women? 

What comes to most people's minds when they find out a man is cheating... oh he's probably not getting any at home. It's probably not the truth but women are usually blamed by society for their husband's infidelity. 

The assumption that somehow a man is more fragile or more hurt by infidelity is just pure nonsense.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> My father cheated.
> 
> Of my 3 brothers 2 have cheated. They range in age from 45 to 61.
> 
> ...


Hokey Smokes ...

So you are not shocked when a man cheats then it seems. 

I wonder then if women look for their husbands to possibly cheat and yet men tend to assume their wives will not cheat. So iften here anyway if a husband does not go with the 100% trust thing he gets called jealous and insecure. Like immediately their is something very wrong with him and he needs to be put down for the benefit of society.

Yet I try to reconsile this with the attitude from many of the women that having male friends is just fine. This does not seem to jive with the feeling that many men will cheat. Just trying to balance these two thoughts. Maybe it is assumed that the male friends just nught cheat but somehow the woman is in control and she can handle it. Idunno.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So are we saying that many feel that married men cheat with single women but that when married women cheat they usually cheat with married men? Not sure about this one. Maybe pre selection and the need to be discreet.

I still suspect all this stuff has evened out.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> So are we saying that many feel that married men cheat with single women but that when married women cheat they usually cheat with married men? Not sure about this one. Maybe pre selection and the need to be discreet.
> 
> I still suspect all this stuff has evened out.


Sounds crazy but that has been my observation. I am still waiting on the cheating wife situation that I know of to finish playing out. The guy she cheated with WAS married. His STBXW had him followed by a PI. She has picture proof of his infidelity. He knows this. He is still social with the OW and her husband. Works out with him sometimes at the gym even! He has asked his STBXW not to spill the beans. Word is she is waiting till the divorce is final and then......

Sad thing is it's gonna make the OW's husband really look like a fool. He's really religious and has made judgemental comments about how other wives have acted when they go out (with their husbands I might add). Meanwhile alot of us know about his wife's infidelities.....


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you think that this sort of thing is harder on a man? Do you have any idea what it makes a woman feel like when her husband votes with his **** to screw someone else... and very often not one but many other women?
> 
> What comes to most people's minds when they find out a man is cheating... oh he's probably not getting any at home. It's probably not the truth but women are usually blamed by society for their husband's infidelity.
> 
> The assumption that somehow a man is more fragile or more hurt by infidelity is just pure nonsense.


I didn't say that a guy is more fragile or hurt, you did. I just stated that there are many more resources for women to help cope with a disloyal spouse as opposed to men. When a wife messes around, it is also assumed that the guy isn't doing enough at home to keep her there. Not trying to get into a pissing match with you; just talking from a guy's perspective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I believe it is about the same...but

I work with 10 different men whose wives had cheated on them in recent years. All but 1 ended in divorce. All of the women cheated down in terms of success an income of partner. I only know 1 man who cheated on his wife. I do work in a male dominated industry. The ratio is about 40/1.

Based on how my STBXWW acted when I found out, women are better at hiding it and when discovered...deny everything. I feel women are better in touch with the subtle changes in men who are cheating and naturally suspect them...we're all pigs...right? They tend to be on the lookout...more suspicious.

Men on the other hand view their wives as being virtuous and pure...I did. I never would have thought she would do something like that so it took a while to catch on. I wasn't suspicious or on the lookout this betrayal.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Women usually cheat more, and they're better at hiding. 

For most men its merely physical and easily shucked when put in the hot seat.

Its women peddling all that soul mate bullsh!t and wanting to have OM's babies. They usually seem to have the biggest trouble with going NC. 

Thats why theres a higher percentage of recovered marriages where the man cheats than when the woman cheats.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Kasler said:


> Women usually cheat more, and they're better at hiding.
> 
> For most men its merely physical and easily shucked when put in the hot seat.
> 
> ...


Yes, AND...(Not sure about more then men, btw)

There is a cultural, psychological and fiscal reason for the same thing.

Culturally, women are taught to expect that sort of behavior. When she's sitting on Mama's knee and they talk about how Mr. Bryant is stepping out on his wife, the women cluck and excoriate him and then play the contempt laden "All men are pigs" card, which gives a filip of 'carte blanche' to men.

This contempt angle actually works to the woman's detriment, IMO. If 'men are pigs' and can't be expected to exercise self control, what does that mean when the WIFE cheats? She is supposedly the Enlightened Gender, in touch with the spiritual, psychological and emotional elements of a marriage. The Keeper of the Keys and the Matron of Morality...and she's Effing around. So, for a 'pig' it's a stupid rutting uncontrollable choice...and for a woman, it's a mental and emotional betrayal.

Psychologically, as alluded to by other posters, a man spits out baby batter. His swizzle stick is only stirring the drink. The woman is the vessal, the accumulator of betrayal. She takes in the other man's essence, where the man is just sharing a bit of his.

Fiscally, women accept betrayal for dollars and sense (sic). MOST (not all) men marry 'beneath them' fiscally...either because the woman gave up her earning potential for kids or because of his own choices. Doctors marry nurses. Pilots marry flight attendents. Very few gas station attendents marry heiresses. So a woman who DOES NOT reconcile is going to take a hard kick in the fork financially.

All the incentives for a woman are to reconcile. Few of them are for the man.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

JCD said:


> Fiscally, women accept betrayal for dollars and sense (sic). MOST (not all) men marry 'beneath them' fiscally...either because the woman gave up her earning potential for kids or because of his own choices. Doctors marry nurses. Pilots marry flight attendents. Very few gas station attendents marry heiresses. So a woman who DOES NOT reconcile is going to take a hard kick in the fork financially.
> 
> *All the incentives for a woman are to reconcile. Few of them are for the man*.


And sadly, that isn't true. 
In today's culture, you marry for however many years, the wife is entitled to half of everything. So she can kick you out of the house and invite her lover over. 
Whether or not she will keep the house is up for debate, but the problem is:

When cheating, the spouse that bring homes the money always loses. (assuming the other spouse doesn't work)
Because if the earner cheats, the betrayed spouse may decide they can't reconcile or trust them, and divorce. And in this divorce, they can take their wayward spouse to the cleaners. Whether they will or not, who knows. 
When the spouse that stays at home cheats, and the earning spouse decides they can't reconcile, they will divorce. Problem is, since no fault divorce, the wayward stay at home spouse can attempt to take their spouse to the cleaners. Whether they will be successful or not, who knows.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Juicer said:


> And sadly, that isn't true.
> In today's culture, you marry for however many years, the wife is entitled to half of everything. So she can kick you out of the house and invite her lover over.
> Whether or not she will keep the house is up for debate, but the problem is:
> 
> ...



I think you make a mistake. *NOONE WINS* fiscally in a divorce.

I believe the studies that say men make out better long term than women in a divorce, though not for the reasons given. Because if you have a whole pie, no matter how you slice it, half a pie is still LESS pie, not more for BOTH parties.

Mom and her 'lover' (recall...the lover who has a 3% chance of actually making a LTR with mom) may move into the house. The house mom is stuck with utility bills on. The house who now mom has to do all the maintainance on herself (which means WAY less free time or hiring someone)

And now mom needs daycare...on half a pie or whatever. What she used to get for free, she now needs to pay for. She also needs to arrange a job which works on the kids schedule...there is a LOT of competition for those jobs.

Meanwhile dad is in a crappy apartment...and his amount of free time just went sky high. What is a man to do with that free time ("Johnson! I need a man to fly to Denver to talk to Amalgamated Consolidated." "I'm your man boss!") Suddenly overtime and travel just got a lot more possible.

And the man's fiscal affairs, however diminished, are now DEFINED! Before, if the family made and extra $200, the two would think of how to spend it, with the mom and kids frequently getting a new jacket, a dinner, violin lessons etc. Now, the man gets to pocket it.

So it sucks @ss for both parties...but the guy actually has a chance to grow his half of the pie while mom is constrained from it.

It's a nice fantasy of the woman lolling idolently at home, spending all her time effing her lover but that is only above a rather high income level in the family before. Most people are not that wealthy. And even then, ex-wifey is probably having to cut out the vacations to St. Bart's.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Women cheat more than men because we live in a society that enables them and actually cultivates a social climate that promotes it. Men are described as pigs if they cheat. Married women are lauded as courageous if they rise up and cheat on their (allegedly) oppressive husbands.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ Pretty much. 

Read some of the crap love novels geared for women to buy? Some of the worst rationalizations and enabling notions are frequently in there. A how-to on how to be a dishonorable family destroying tramp.(but in the novels they get the kids if any, of course)

This is why you have some women having affairs and fully expecting for husband to leave, keep the house, OM moves in, kids to stay, and to be one big happy family while receiving alimony checks

Problem is, if the husband doesn't man up and protect himself, it can easily go down that way.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Kasler said:


> ^ Pretty much.
> 
> Read some of the crap love novels geared for women to buy? Some of the worst rationalizations and enabling notions are frequently in there. A how-to on how to be a dishonorable family destroying tramp.(but in the novels they get the kids if any, of course)
> 
> This is why you have some women having affairs and fully expecting husband to leave, OM to enter, kids to stay, and to be one big happy family while receiving alimony checks.


So true, man. Trashy romance novels are for women what pornography is for men, but it is viewed as being inherently more noble.

Men are starting to realize that they are not valued in this society. America is the most emasculated culture since the victorian age, and its effects will soon be felt. Men are viewed as knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing imbeciles who used to serve a purpose when females needed protection from nature, but now are useless seeing as we live in a sophisticated, seasoned ecosystem. 

Of course chivalry is dead. Good men are gone. Why should men be good when the women they love are belittling them, demeaning them and their inherent tendencies (the idea that emotional attraction is somehow more honorable than physical attraction is a feminist scam), why should men care? 


My female clients frequently ask me "where have all the good men gone?" 

I smile and gently but clearly reply, "Your people drove them away."


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

I can't really comment much on this topic, because I would end up sounding like a massive hypocrite. The popular answer is that men are more likely to cheat, truth is its for sure at least 50-50. To think otherwise is unwise. There is too much inappropriate behaviour going on these days, from both sexes. Too many ways to start cheating. Women are every bit as guilty as men are, particularly in recent times. Just look at this forum, it's mostly about cheating wives
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> So true, man. Trashy romance novels are for women what pornography is for men, but it is viewed as being inherently more noble.
> 
> Men are starting to realize that they are not valued in this society. America is the most emasculated culture since the victorian age, and its effects will soon be felt. Men are viewed as knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing imbeciles who used to serve a purpose when females needed protection from nature, but now are useless seeing as we live in a sophisticated, seasoned ecosystem.
> 
> ...


So true
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

WhiteMousse said:


> So true, man. Trashy romance novels are for women what pornography is for men, but it is viewed as being inherently more noble.
> 
> Men are starting to realize that they are not valued in this society. America is the most emasculated culture since the victorian age, and its effects will soon be felt. Men are viewed as knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing imbeciles who used to serve a purpose when females needed protection from nature, but now are useless seeing as we live in a sophisticated, seasoned ecosystem.
> 
> ...


You know, I'm not so sure. I think the idea that chivalry is dead might be a feminist scam too. I see little real evidence that there was more chivalry generally in the past than today. Today women might be complaining that guys don't open doors for them. A few hundred years ago they were probably complaining that there were no guys that wouldn't beat them up. By the very nature of the way men and women relate sexually, there will always be a massive pool of jaded women with something to complain about. The truth is that the good men ARE few and far between, because society's definition of "good" is an oxymoron. To be good in that sense means to be ALPHA in terms of pro-social behavior that is protective of women's feelings, but to be ALPHA in a biological/evolutionary sense will still always mean filling as many women as possible with your sperm. Try squaring that circle!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ Thats true. 

Women like ALPHAs yeah but a lot of em don't know how to pick through them. I'm not saying women don't like nice guys, a lot do, but a lot of women sure do like physically abusive ass holes. And I don't want to here that crap about them changing. They don't, just that the woman is ignoring the signs of it and hopes marriage will change that, but it never does. A lot of guys are attracted to crazy women cause they subconsciously like being 'the savior' or 'the white knight' and marry them thinking the same thing. Women frequently expect too much out of a man, thats why they're usually the ones who fall in love with being in love and go from relationship to relationship. 

I remember one time, after hearing so much about it, even from women at my work I downloaded a pdf online of a book call Twilight. 

Aside from the absolutely horrendous writing style and how obvious it was that the author sat next to a thesaurus while writing it,(so many synonyms for the same adjectives) I managed to find some amusement from reading it. 

The relationship between protagonists was trash and at the core so emotionally abusive I was cracking up while reading it. 

Sad part is that a lot of women think thats what a good relationship is like. =/


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

In my daily life I hear more about cheating men but I also hear just as much about women being better at hiding it.


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

Kasler said:


> ^ Thats true.
> 
> Women like ALPHAs yeah but a lot of em don't know how to pick through them. I'm not saying women don't like nice guys, a lot do, but a lot of women sure do like physically abusive ass holes. And I don't want to here that crap about them changing. They don't, just that the woman is ignoring the signs of it and hopes marriage will change that, but it never does. A lot of guys are attracted to crazy women cause they subconsciously like being 'the savior' or 'the white knight' and marry them thinking the same thing. Women frequently expect too much out of a man, thats why they're usually the ones who fall in love with being in love and go from relationship to relationship.
> 
> ...


Thats the thing, I think the media has painted a picture of what a relationship is these days, which at best is completely unrealistic. I mean has anyone glanced over that fifty shades of grey that just about every women on the planet has read, twice. That book was pure pornography, nothing more, the rest of it is filled with soppy mush, enough to make you sick.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kasler said:


> ^ Pretty much.
> 
> Read some of the crap love novels geared for women to buy? Some of the worst rationalizations and enabling notions are frequently in there. A how-to on how to be a dishonorable family destroying tramp.(but in the novels they get the kids if any, of course)
> 
> ...


Are you aware that most women do not even read romance novels? I'm 63. I read 2 of them when I was in my 20's. They were such so devoid of anything interesting and the relationships were high school fair. I've never read one since.

But don't let the fact that most women don't read the trash get in the way of your arguments.

How many romance novels have you read? Sounds like you know a lot about them so you must have read a lot of them.

Far more men use porn (it's up around 99.99% if you listen the men on these forums) than women read those silly romance novels.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.not.so.right said:


> Thats the thing, I think the media has painteda picture of whata relationship is these days, whichat best is completely unrealistic. I mean hasanyone glanced over that fifty shades of grey that justabout every women on the planet has read, twice. That book was pure pornography, nothing more, the rest of it is filled with soppy mush, enough to make you sick.


I have not read that book. Don't care to.

But do you watch porn? 

Why are men who watch porn so upset about women reading what amounts to porn?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> In my daily life I hear moreabout cheating men but Ialso hear justas muchabout women being betterat hiding it.


I have also read that a lot of affairs are never found out. Maybe the reason men get caught more is that they are having more affairs?

Generally when a person engages in some activity more often, they are more likely to get caught doing that activity. 

Just a thought.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Maybe the reason men get caught more is that they are having more affairs?
> .


Maybe. Maybe not. I'd say the reason they get caught more is that they are not good at hiding it, at least not better than women.
Usually men are read like an open book when something goes wrong. They underestimate a woman's ability to understand when something's wrong and they don't put too much thought into hiding it better, thinking that they're smart enough and their woman won't find out.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

I have been the receiving end of both men and women using me as a target to cheat (have not been involved with either though) and I would say I find it more disturbing when women are motivated to cheat than man.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I have not read that book. Don't care to.
> 
> But do you watch porn?
> 
> Why are men who watch porn so upset about women reading what amounts to porn?


Because watching porn doesn't give an unrealistic expectation of what to expect in a relationship and that they're justified to have an extramarital affair?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Kasler said:


> Because watching porn doesn't give an unrealistic expectation of what to expect in a relationship and that they're justified to have an extramarital affair?


:rofl::lol::rofl:


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> When men cheat they usually don't consider it a big drama and often they never even considered ending the marriage over it. It's just a sexual thing. So, no need for venting. No need to seek for help, no big regret, and quite often they have no problem throwing the OW in front of the bus if caught. They probably limit themselves to commenting to a friend over a beer "wifey knows i'm banging the neighbour, she is pissed...".


I think this is accurate. And actually almost word for word what my STBEH said. 

He thought I would simply be angry but get over it. 

He didn't count on me not being able to get over his EA/pa.

It's the emotional connection I saw and the way he was treating her special as if she were worth something and not just a piece of trashy butt that got to me


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Are you aware that most women do not even read romance novels? I'm 63. I read 2 of them when I was in my 20's. They were such so devoid of anything interesting and the relationships were high school fair. I've never read one since.
> 
> But don't let the fact that most women don't read the trash get in the way of your arguments.
> 
> ...



It's very foolish to use this forum as a control gauge to determine how many men watch porn. This is a forum for people who have broken marriages. That's like using an AA forum to determine how many people have abuse problems or daddy issues.


And you can use your own experience and think that more men cheat, that's fine. But realize that we can all do that too. 

Of almost every personal couple I know that suffered from infidelity, it was the woman who cheated. 

And I'm a pastor and marriage counselor. I deal with 15-20 couples per year. Not all of them are dealing with unfaithfulness, but every single one that does in my caseload contains infidelity on the wife's part. _Invariably_. They all have a few things in common-

1) They all read romance novels, and they all like to watch reality TV. 
2) They are all married to men who are what most like to call "beta males", ones that love them dearly, rush to alleviate any discomfort their women feel, and sit around fanning them with palm leaves. 
3) They are all women who work 30+ hours a week. People think that most cheating women are the stay-at-home girls and I'm sure a few of them are but the vast majority of them are working full-time or almost full-time. 

Now this is not an end-all, be-all for charting the horrors of unfaithfulness. But I've been doing this for almost eight years and I have helped many, many couples. In my personal life I can also see that most of the time it is women cheating on men. Of my three best friends, let's call them Nate, Brendan and Greg, they are all divorced just like me. And also just like me, their wives cheated on them. They also fit into the three categories I mentioned earlier. 

Perhaps one of the more revolting revelations I've uncovered is this: Of all the couples I counseled in which the husband physically abused the woman, none of the women cheated. They refused to leave their husbands, and they refused to hold him accountable. 

The implications of these two discoveries are utterly frustrating for me. 

I'm not saying that, all things being equal, women cheat more then men. What I am saying is that we have a _social and legal structure_ that is extremely conducive to women cheating- so of course you're going to see more of one than the other. We all know who gets favored in divorce. Our very laws are _constructed_ to secure the rights of women, not men. Google some forums and you will see women online helping other women to work the system so they can cheat and leave and get whatever they want. I say again- women who cheat are called courageous in this society- they are lauded by extreme feminist groups, and applauded for thinking of themselves first. 

But this nation deserves it. That's what we get for allowing America to be emasculated.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

jfv said:


> From everything I've read and experienced men cheat more but women are better at keeping quiet. Women are better at compartmentalization which enables them to hide long term affairs better than men... or so I've read. I'm surprised women don't cheat more often given the fact that they have WAAAAYYYY more choices and opportunity than we do.


Perhaps fewer women enjoy the thought of cheating. I know it always was waaaaay too sleazy for me. 

The women however who do cheat probably are waaaay too sleazy because it goes against most women's nesting instincts. 

Also, perhaps women who enjoy cheating have higher testosterone levels than men. 

Higher testosterone levels increase sex drive. 

I once read that most female executives have more testosterone than their male underlings. 

Kind of interesting, too because most of the highly paid top female executives I worked for always seemed very masculine to me.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I am betting there is the same segment for women. Women who cheat a lot. But they would drive up the male numbers unless they just cheat with single guys. So who do women cheat with more? Married or single guys?


I think married women are more likely to cheat with married men. 

The reason being that it is far easier for an average looking woman to get a better looking affair partner than it would be to get a good looking single guy. 

The problem with that is when a married woman gets a more physically attractive affair partner than her husband, she usually wants to trade up and divorce her spouse. 

Since most married men are likely cheating with an easier to get and thus likely less attractive women with an average looking husband, the man does NOT want to trade out his wife. He just wants an affair and easy sex. 

The average looking woman with an average looking husband, also gets her ego fed by the much more attractive married affair partner they can attract, and this swells their head and makes them think they could easily find a more attractive single man to marry, if the spouse divorces them after he learns of an affair. 

Sadly that is not so, but most women realize this too late. 

Once a married woman with a couple of kids who has been booted for cheating starts looking for a single guy her opportunities dwindle drastically. 

I think that is one reason the OW is still stalking my STBEH even though he is not interested in a real relationship with her. 

Her husband booted her and now she thinks my STBEH since he is free too, was really interested in her for who she was and not just sex and some emotional ego stroking. 

Her lifestyle has declined drastically, too. Instead of living in a 7000 square foot house with a gate and ten acres of land, she is now living in plain old three bedroom apt. Her husband saw too that, after I showed him the sex tapes of herself she sent to my STBEH.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ All that crap is usually junk statistics or some idiot with a out of 100 poll.

Theres no way to really now for sure since is an act shrouded in secret. 

Until just this generation, masturbation used to be something so unspoken of. So much so, polls were saying only 2 out of 10 men have masturbated before.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

*EDIT:* In regard to what I said earlier, how it's America's own fault, here's a fun little read. 

What Happens When Your Nation’s Men Are Emasculated « Chateau Heartiste


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Decimated said:


> I believe it is about the same...but
> 
> I work with 10 different men whose wives had cheated on them in recent years. All but 1 ended in divorce. All of the women cheated down in terms of success an income of partner. I only know 1 man who cheated on his wife. I do work in a male dominated industry. The ratio is about 40/1.
> 
> ...


Also men have to spend money on an affair partner whereas women don't. 

My STBEH's affair was outed anonymously by someone. 

Still, I was starting to find suspicious charges on his credit card, and large cash withdrawals from joint accounts. 

He always had an excuse for needing the money, but I think even if he wasn't outed I would have started to become suspicious. 

He slipped and had to use his regular credit cards, even though he had a secret card and bank accounts I later learned.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I have not read that book. Don't care to.
> 
> But do you watch porn?
> 
> Why are men who watch porn so upset about women reading what amounts to porn?


Agreed, Elle, I never read that book, never even heard of it 'till now. I also never read romance novels past age 13. 

I thought they were boring and unrealistic and silly. 

Of course, I am the faithful spouse and my STBEH is the cheater. 

It's true, though, that men get less attached to APs, he claims he never wanted to leave me, and still doesn't. 

Oh well.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ laughed at first white but when I saw this

Swedish preschool neutralises stereotypes with gender-free agenda

I was down right horrified. 

Feminist lunatics.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I have also read that a lot of affairs are never found out. Maybe the reason men get caught more is that they are having more affairs?
> 
> Generally when a person engages in some activity more often, they are more likely to get caught doing that activity.
> 
> Just a thought.



Another good point. 

My husband was caught this time because he was outed anonymously. 

Still, now since coming to Tam and learning the red flags of a cheater, it's quite obvious he has cheated many times prior. 

A secret bank account opened eight years ago in addition to the recent one I found. Moody spells, where he claimed he needed space. 

Friends who often blurted out that the old boy's group wasn't going on Boy's night as often as in the past, when my STBEH was going out on BNOs , at least once a week. OOPS!

Taking phone calls suddenly at times in the garage. And on and on.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i think the numbers are pretty even if all the cheaters came out and posted.But i do believe women are better at hiding it than the men.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

who cheats more the chicken or the egg!

equal in my book!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I would bet that most men cheat with single women.



let's not forget prostitutes and sex workers like happy ending massage and strippers that provide extras, etc

if a man can squirrel away the money without it being noticed, doesn't pick up a std or get busted by the police then it would very easy to get away with it


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

WhiteMousse said:


> My female clients frequently ask me "where have all the good men gone?"
> 
> I smile and gently but clearly reply, "Your people drove them away."


LOVE IT !!!:smthumbup::rofl::iagree:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I have also read that a lot of affairs are never found out. Maybe the reason men get caught more is that they are having more affairs?
> 
> Generally when a person engages in some activity more often, they are more likely to get caught doing that activity.
> 
> Just a thought.


There is some logic to your reasoning but I doubt this very seriously. Most men just assume their wife is not involved with another man. They live in denial.

Hence the old stereotype of the man wearing the horns of a cuckold. He is the last in the village to see what is happening.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> Perhaps fewer women enjoy the thought of cheating. I know it always was waaaaay too sleazy for me.
> 
> The women however who do cheat probably are waaaay too sleazy because it goes against most women's nesting instincts.
> 
> ...


I think many women do not even see it as cheating. They rationalize it.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I think many women do not even see it as cheating. They rationalize it.


That's basically my observations on the men that cheat. LOL


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think the numbers are pretty even if all the cheaters came out and posted. But I do believe women are better at hiding it than the men.


I concur! Truth be told, I would think that "cheating" itself is far from exclusive when comparing one sex to the other.

The vast majority of men do it primarily because their physical/sexual needs are usually not being met; Conversely, women do it primarily because their emotional needs are left undone, to the point that they will even trade some physical/sexual favors to their affair partner to get those emotional needs of theirs taken care of.

As far as hiding the evidence thereof, I do think that women are far smarter in doing just that. The only real reason that I discovered my STBXW's EA/PA was that she paid the bills and never thought that I would ever be intelligent enough to have her cell-phone calling logs analyzed. And she still doesn't have a clue that I even know anything about either of her affairs.

I'd rather wait and play those cards in a legal setting!


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

There was a funny thing Chris Rock did about men being as faithful as their options. That's a simplification, but to be honest it's much easier for a woman to find someone to have sex with her than a man.

If my wife stood on the corner with a sign that said "Free Sex" I'd be shocked if it took 5 minutes to find a taker. If I did the same I could be there for 5 weeks without finding a taker.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> There was a funny thing Chris Rock did about men being as faithful as their options. That's a simplification, but to be honest it's much easier for a woman to find someone to have sex with her than a man.
> 
> If my wife stood on the corner with a sign that said "Free Sex" I'd be shocked if it took 5 minutes to find a taker. If I did the same I could be there for 5 weeks without finding a taker.


To me that speaks more on the character of men than women.


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> There was a funny thing Chris Rock did about men being as faithful as their options. That's a simplification, but to be honest it's much easier for a woman to find someone to have sex with her than a man.
> 
> If my wife stood on the corner with a sign that said "Free Sex" I'd be shocked if it took 5 minutes to find a taker. If I did the same I could be there for 5 weeks without finding a taker.


That's true though, men are so weak minded that we are far less likely to turn down sex, whereas if a women wanted to cheat, she could with ease find someone, because we men are easy. The vulgar term ****, should have applied to men


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> To me that speaks more on the character of men than women.


In fairness I think you are right. Men are far more weak minded than women in that regard


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> To me that speaks more on the character of men than women.


In the end everyone is responsible for his or her actions regardless of biology. However, sex for a man is different than sex for a woman. For an interesting perspective read "A Self Made Man" by Norah Vincent. She lived as a man for a year and learned a ton of things. One thing that was shocking for her was that for many men sex was completely unrelated to love. She observed that for some it was nothing more than scratching an itch or going to the bathroom. It was an interesting read.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> In the end everyone is responsible for his or her actions regardless of biology. However, sex for a man is different than sex for a woman. For an interesting perspective read "A Self Made Man" by Norah Vincent. She lived as a man for a year and learned a ton of things. One thing that was shocking for her was that for many men sex was completely unrelated to love. She observed that for some it was nothing more than scratching an itch or going to the bathroom. It was an interesting read.


Oh I get that. But they carry that over into marriage. I wish many of them would just not get married.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Mr.not.so.right said:


> In fairness I think you are right. Men are far more weak minded than women in that regard


No its not that, just a different representation of sex. 

Many women feel sex is some bonding lead up to emotional experience.

A lot of men separate emotions from it, and then get hit by them afterwards.


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

Kasler said:


> No its not that, just a different representation of sex.
> 
> Many women feel sex is some bonding lead up to emotional experience.
> 
> A lot of men separate emotions from it, and then get hit by them afterwards.


True, I do believe that for a lot of men, sex is a physical thing, and that's it, we don't always feel any emotion about it at all, I can't speak for women on that one. I do believe that in general men have worse boundaries than women do, and that is probably down to the emotion thing


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Oh I get that. But they carry that over into marriage. I wish many of them would just not get married.


Insofar as much as men stray and are easily lured by the prospect of sex I think they also have a stronger sense of loyalty that counterbalances them. I would think that a woman would look for that in a man. Loyalty is a very strong feeling, it would be almost impossible to carry on an affair while with someone to whom you feel loyal. 

When my daughter is older this is something I will tell her: when you are with a man see how he treats those who are important to him. It is a strong indicator of character.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Men definitely cheat more. I think medicinal advances and societal modernity have made it "easier" for women to cheat i.e contraception, changing gender roles, but historically and concurrently men take the mantel.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> I think married women are more likely to cheat with married men.
> 
> The reason being that it is far easier for an average looking woman to get a better looking affair partner than it would be to get a good looking single guy.
> 
> ...


Wow. This is very insightfull and makes perfect sense.

It even works with the whole sex rank thing. That men will have sex with women well below their own sex rank. Women will tend to have sex with the fitest male she can draw all else equal. This fits the proponents of hypergamy.

This also helps explain the divorce statistic where women file 75% of the divorces.

It also fits with the idea of pre selection. I know my stock went up after I married.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> To me that speaks more on the character of men than women.


I don't think it has anything at all to do with character.

It has everything to do with body agendas. Women will seek out the fitest male while men will try to repopulate the earth. Now character gets involved at some other level.

In general an average woman can have sex pretty much anytime she wants it with many different men. She only needs to be willing. For the most part men will be lined up.

I agree that if a married man indulges he is a total sleaze. But many single men will hit ... anything. Even a high sex rank Alpha guy will have sex with an average woman if other choices are not there.

An average guy is pretty much going to have to compete and he is not going to get a super model but an average women might get a well known althlete for example. Now am I crazy about their character ... no but I am being pragmatic.


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I don't think it has anything at all to do with character.
> 
> It has everything to do with body agendas. Women will seek out the fitest male while men will try to repopulate the earth. Now character gets involved at some other level.
> 
> ...


This is very true


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I believe it is promiscuity on both ends, equally. I agree with entropy, women can have sex at anytime that is why it is seen as worse for a woman to be a floozy than a man because it really is much more difficult for us compared to the effort women. When a party does not set the boundaries along with not advising the other person that a boundary has been cross the other party gives it another go. 
The problem is that we are open to such inappropriate and immodest conversations/comments which usually start off professional or innocent (outside the workplace) and are unnecessary. 
One party tests the waters and raises the level of immodesty or inappropriateness with an immodest or inappropriate comment and then we have escalation.

With much immodesty and inappropriate conduct building up it leaves much combustible matter and debris in an unnecessary (ea) or inappropriate (work) relationship that can easily ignite with one spark, being equal to a touch or a comment which then leads to "I don't know how it happened, it just did, we were just there and I fell and our clothes fell off with us and it just happened, it was an accident, i dont love you anymore i need space, i need some time, i'm so confused, its your fault, you dont pay attention to me" ET CETERA


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

BrockLanders said:


> There was a funny thing Chris Rock did about men being as faithful as their options. That's a simplification, but to be honest it's much easier for a woman to find someone to have sex with her than a man.
> 
> If my wife stood on the corner with a sign that said "Free Sex" I'd be shocked if it took 5 minutes to find a taker. If I did the same I could be there for 5 weeks without finding a taker.


Very true, and I think that there are a lot of "faithful" men who have just not been presented with the opportunity. They do not go hunting for women to be unfaithful with and have not (yet) been presented with the moral dilemma of a woman ripping her panties off and shouting "I want you Fred!".

Women get hit on much more and are presented with the moral dilemma. In some ways this would actually make them seem quite abstemious if the fidelity stats men/women are around 50/50!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

men and women cheat equally in my opinion.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

Appropriate for the month, I suppose.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> Recent studies show that in the last ten years cheating has drastically increased among women, rivaling Mid life crisis men.
> 
> Women in their 30s with kids, has increased the most.
> 
> Followed by women in their 50 and 60s


I know men who have cheated. 

But I think the statistics are correct in this instance. I know far more women in their 30s ( oddly enough all had two children) that have cheated. None of the marriages survived and one ended up marrying and having kids with the AP.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

This thread need never close down


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

My two cents worth based on my experience - my H cheated on me twice that I know of. He was absolutely perfect at hiding it until the day he left his phone unattended for 5 seconds! This man is an absolute professional. I would say in terms of cheating it could be 50/50. Women tend to talk more about their feelings on forums or with friends which is quite common. Most men tend to keep a lot to themselves. If they let their feelings be known like women do on this site for example it would be a true refelection.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I can't fathom that there's any statistical difference in terms of which gender cheats more than the other in this day and age.

Both sexes have the same access to people (real life and virtual), situations, and opportunities. The same can not be said 40, 50 years ago and beyond, when, for the most part, the man was out and about while the woman stayed home, raised kids, etc.

I'd bet if you did a really in depth study of this now, you'd be looking at an almost even split.

For one, it's a disposable society these days. And with this global connectivity, gender equalization, sexual revolution and all that, both sexes have equal (and ample) opportunities.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Might as well assume 50/50 and call it a day. After all, if a guy is cheating, he's likely cheating w/ a woman, and vice versa.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Yes, I know its a zombie, but what about cheating within your "social circle"? The people, couples you know the best?

In my circle the women are ahead at in unscientific count of 6-3. Considering I don't get out much, and don't delve at all into people's private lives, this is probably a low set of numbers these days.

So, I've known twice as many women to cheat as men. Probably an anomaly.


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## Duiker (Jun 26, 2015)

Lots of interesting theories in here regarding the different gender motivators.

We can't overlook the common denominators :

Societal: The commonplace utterance of our "needs" being paramount.

There are only three things human beings need- shelter, sustenance and sleep.

Now it's a valid argument that as social animals we will not live happy and contented lives without human interaction -sex, love, companionship etc....but the problem is that when we start tagging everything as a "need", we then feel justifiably entitled to it.

Character: The other half of the cheater equation. The disordered character will happily behave in an unethical, deceitful manner to get these "needs" met because hey, they're entitled to it. If the BS suffers from it, oh well....the WS "needed" what they got from the affair.

The ethical character will try to repair the relationship if they aren't getting what they want out of it, or end it honorably and accept the emotional and financial hardships that go with it.

Man, woman, gay, straight....doesn't matter. The above is common to all infidelity.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

It's so funny that the front page is filled with banned posters and a moderator.....

My very unscientific count puts women WAY ahead. My mom, sister and SIL all did. But I do not buy that as representative.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

My circle of friends, relatives, and co-workers puts women far ahead of men. Those are the ones I know of. Certainly there are many more affairs nobody knows about, not even the BS.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Forest said:


> Yes, I know its a zombie, but what about cheating within your "social circle"? The people, couples you know the best?
> 
> In my circle the women are ahead at in unscientific count of 6-3. Considering I don't get out much, and don't delve at all into people's private lives, this is probably a low set of numbers these days.
> 
> So, I've known twice as many women to cheat as men. Probably an anomaly.


In my social circle and family it's been all men that are cheaters, (seven I can think off the top of my head), and one woman, (my sister in law). I just heard about another guy last month and another the month before that.

ETA: Oops, I just thought of another women. She's a friend of my sister-in-law, lol.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Social circle:

My BIL's ex-wife, that is my wife's brother's ex-wife cheated on him and had a baby (even before the divorce) with the AP (1998)

Two of my wife's HS classmates - both ex- husbands cheated (both in early 2000s)

A co-worker of my wife, her husband moved out and in with his new GF. Just recent they are going through a divorce. 

That's one woman and three men. This nearly levels out Larry's social circle. 

Hmm, seems a near fifty-fifty split between where he and I live.

I too noticed many of the banned member on this thread as well and one that sticks out because of the reason for her banning, in light of this thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> It's so funny that the front page is filled with banned posters and a moderator.....


:scratchhead: Not sure what you are implying here. But whatever it is, is wrong. 

If you are unhappy with their banning, you might want to talk to the mods who banned them, most of them were banned years before the mod became a mod.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> :scratchhead: Not sure what you are implying here. But whatever it is, is wrong.
> 
> If you are unhappy with their banning, you might want to talk to the mods who banned them, most of them were banned years before the mod became a mod.


Implying nothing at all. It was merely an observation.


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