# Resentment



## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

Hello,
I have been lurking on this forum on and off for a while now, and I finally mustered up the courage to make a post. 
I am 30 years old(male), I have been with my wife for over 7 years, and have been married(if this is what you call married) for 3 years. 
Long story short. My wife resents me. She resents me for so many things, and refuses to live in the now, and not the past. I have made plenty of mistakes, and so has she. At this point, after going to a therapist for 6 months, twice a month....I have realized that in order to make anything better, you need to live in the now, and not live your life fully on what has happened in the past. My wife refuses to. 
Short story. 
My wife resents me for the money I make. I work in a family business with my mom and dad. The company has been doing poor for about 3-4 years. During this period of time, I had to get a second job waiting tables, to afford our mortgage. I usually work about 65 hours a week combine. The past 3-4 years have been HELL. She has beaten me down so many times about leaving my family's company and doing something else. I tried to explain to her that if I left my mom and dad, (at their age) like this, that I would never be able to live with my self. My family has done so much for me through out my life, I would have guilt for the rest of my life leaving them in this type of state. 
On the other hand, I am young, and have to live my life and think for us, and what is best for my wife and I. 
In her eyes, I have put my mom and dad before her, and she is last. 
We have been separated for 6 months. I had to put our house up for rent. 
She refuses to let anything go, and start over. She has done absolutely nothing to better herself, or her situation during this time. The only thing she has done is file for divorce, and beg me over the phone crying, not to sign the papers. I have been going to therapy, taking class for my certifications for my line of work so I can get a better paying job, all while still working 65+ hours a week.
I have caught her lying to me many many many times. She met this guy at the health club 2 years ago and became friends with him. He came around all the time. She would talk him all the time, go out with him, bars, clubs, holidays, concerts..ect. Ohh and lie about all of it, never admiting she was with him.
I came home from work 1 time, and she was acting funny, I went into the guest bedroom closet, and found this guy hiding in the closet. She swears to god, family, herself, everything that they are just friends, that she has never been unfaithful. That she was lonely and has hardly any girlfriends. That if she was with this guy, then she would be gone.
I have never been unfaithful or dishonest. Just today I asked her if she would like to hang out tomorrow because I got called off of work from the restaurant. She tells me no not really. I have put my heart out there for her one to many times. I am sick of continuously putting my self out there for her, and having it backfire in my face. 
The other day I asked her if she would be more receptive to me if I called her up and told her that I just got a great paying new job. She said yes, she would def be more "in" to me. I told her that, $ shouldn't be the deciding factor. She tells me that she knew when she met me that I wasn't a doctor, and she didn't expect to live an outlandish life style. She expected to live a comfortable life style, not worry about expenses, and have children. She calls it "having a life". She resents me BIG TIME for not having kids now, because I told her I don't want to bring a child into this world, if we are struggling like this. I do want kids. 
This is just one of the many issues we have. I have been hurting inside for such a long time, yet somehow I never leave or go. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. My mind says one thing, and heart says another.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Your biggest problem is not how much money you make or the fact that you all have not had children. She has cheated on you and you caught them in your house! Innocent people do not hide in the closet. 

Why did you separate? 

Did she give you a reason why she did not want to meet up tomorrow?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

She has betrayed you and clearly doesn't love you.

Just sign the papers.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

LOL its an ongoing joke around here that if they swear on their childrens lives there is a 100% chance of PA.

Im resident cheating wife buster. This belongs more in coping with infidelity but OK

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. Set bit rate to 44K or higher and sensitivity to very high. Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!!

Put the second in whatever room she uses to talk in the house when you are not around.

Usual warning. If you hear another man get in her car or house STOP Listening and have a trusted friend tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! NO MORE CONFRONTS!! 

Steel yourself for the ugly possibility of a full PA. Odds are 98%.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise.

Look at your cell bill for unusual texting or phone activity.

Ezoom GPS has been used successfully by some here. has a map feature.

You do need to look into the family business. Sounds kinda hopeless. Thats no excuse tho for banging another dude in your house.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

speedin said:


> Hello,
> I have been lurking on this forum on and off for a while now, and I finally mustered up the courage to make a post.
> I am 30 years old(male), I have been with my wife for over 7 years, and have been married(if this is what you call married) for 3 years.
> Long story short. My wife resents me. She resents me for so many things, and refuses to live in the now, and not the past. I have made plenty of mistakes, and so has she. At this point, after going to a therapist for 6 months, twice a month....I have realized that in order to make anything better, you need to live in the now, and not live your life fully on what has happened in the past. My wife refuses to.
> ...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Hell just have him drive by her new place tonight and tomorrow night at 9PM. I bet he sees an extra car there...


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

speedin, your wife is a liar, a moocher, and worst of all, a cheater, and you _still _want to be married to her??? why in the world would you want to be with such a pathetic person? She outright said that she would be more interested in you if you made more money, and you still want to be with a person like that? that is not at all what marriage is about. Does she even work? The smartest thing I read in your post is that you are refusing to have kids with her. very very smart. Sign those papers and finds a woman who loves and respects you for you.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Hope he drives by her place tonight and tomorrow night. He will see...

Then again. He has not been back.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Let her go. Sign those papers and move on. Your wife is only using you for whatever reason whether it be security or money. This is not love by any means.

Your wife separated because she wants to date other men. Don't be her plan b or backup plan. Don't allow her to blame shift or gaslight you. I'm really sorry your in this position. 

My ex h didn't want me to divorce him either. He had his mistresses on the side and I was his bank account. I finally had enough and left after a year of marriage. We did have a child together though, but I did not want my child growing up in that environment. I paid for my divorce, he never even got a lawyer. One of his many gf's moved in 3 days after I left and he still didn't want a divorce. He still cheats and 19 years have passed.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

So...do you REALLY believe that your wife had another man hidden in a closet in your house, and that the only reason he was hiding is because he's "just a friend" and she thought you react badly? Wouldn't you think that finding a man hiding in your house would look a whole lot worse than seeing the guy sitting at the kitchen table talking to your wife???

At the risk of getting banned... your story reminds me of this:

Bob and Tom; Mr. Obvious-Handy man - YouTube

I did not add this link to make fun of you. I'm hoping that it will anger you enough to realize what you need to do. Because your wife clearly thinks you are just like this. Sorry.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well since everyone is already dealing with the cheating I will point out, as another poster did, that you have a work life balance problem. Your wife wanted a life with you even if it meant living more modestly. Your parents should never come before your wife. Unfortunately your wife deals with these issues by cheating, probably because she doesn't see a future with you. Whether you try to move forward with your wife or someone else please revisit your priorities and your work life balance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Your biggest problem is not how much money you make or the fact that you all have not had children. She has cheated on you and you caught them in your house! Innocent people do not hide in the closet.
> 
> Why did you separate?
> 
> Did she give you a reason why she did not want to meet up tomorrow?


Seperated for many reasons. Strugeling to pay our bills, and "live a life", massive arguments, insults, lies, no children, had my friend live with us for 5 months. Which he paid rent. Acording to her, her dreams are all ruined. 

She didn't have a reason. I got really upset when she told me no thanks about hanging out. She said she is sorry but she feels lost right now.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Hell just have him drive by her new place tonight and tomorrow night at 9PM. I bet he sees an extra car there...


No she is staying with her parents, and she would never bring another guy around there. Which means her car is going to be gone.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

IsGirl3 said:


> speedin, your wife is a liar, a moocher, and worst of all, a cheater, and you _still _want to be married to her??? why in the world would you want to be with such a pathetic person? She outright said that she would be more interested in you if you made more money, and you still want to be with a person like that? that is not at all what marriage is about. Does she even work? The smartest thing I read in your post is that you are refusing to have kids with her. very very smart. Sign those papers and finds a woman who loves and respects you for you.


She acts like I make nothing. While I don't make a lot of money, I didn't know making $55k a year, with a 4 bedroom house is poverty. She has been working the same job for 3 yeas making $14 bucks an hour, and can't get the courage to ask her boss for a raise, and real pay. Yet she can chew me out at the snap of finger 
I ask my self why I would want to be with a person that has lied to me soo soo soo many times. She calls me up crying all the time telling me how sorry she was for all her lies, that she regrets it every day. But that she has been 100% faithful. She claims that the reason for the lies and hiding of her friend is because she knew I didn't approve of it. she was lonely, and that he is 100% harmless.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So...do you REALLY believe that your wife had another man hidden in a closet in your house, and that the only reason he was hiding is because he's "just a friend" and she thought you react badly? Wouldn't you think that finding a man hiding in your house would look a whole lot worse than seeing the guy sitting at the kitchen table talking to your wife???
> 
> At the risk of getting banned... your story reminds me of this:
> 
> ...


I totally 100% agree. Catching this guy in my house was already a year into me constantly asking her to stop talking to this guy. So her excuse is that she knew it was cause a huge fight, and upset me, so she panicked, and made him hide.
I know how silly this all sounds. But to tell you the truth I would be really shocked if she did in fact cheat on me with this guy. He is makes way less money then me, and isn't even a legal citizen. I have hung out with him more then once, because she used to bring him around to everything, until people in our family started asking questions.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

If she wants more money, then she should go out & earn it.

Your marriage sounds miserable & full of drama. She's having an EA & probably a PA. She sounds selfish & immature not to mention showing no compassion for your parents who have been there for you & you are now there for them. Very honorable.

So she doesn't get her way with you & runs home to her parents. How very adult of her.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Do you believe she has been faithful? 

All her excuses are are justifications, so she doesn't feel as bad to herself. 

Cheaters are constant liars. It's very difficult to ever get the truth from them.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Do you believe she has been faithful?
> 
> All her excuses are are justifications, so she doesn't feel as bad to herself.
> 
> Cheaters are constant liars. It's very difficult to ever get the truth from them.


To tell you the truth my heart says that she has. But my brain is not so sure. I just got off the phone with her, and brought up her friend hiding in the closet, and why she would hide him, as it looks far worse then just sitting at the kitchen table. 
She said she is an idiot. That she already had lied to be about hanging out with him while I was at work. So when I came home she panicked and didn't want to get caught up in another lie. 

I have met this guy many times. And honestly I get a good vibe from him, and couldn't see my wife going after this guy, as he really is nothing. But all of it doesn't make any sense. I think I am going to put a audio recorder in a her car, and room like suggested. That should get to the bottom of this.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My ex h cheated on me and always denied it. He was always telling me everything was my fault and how I wasn't good enough.

I didn't want to believe it myself and I ignored the red flags for 2 years. 

If I saw another woman in our house(especially hiding), I'm packing up and leaving.

Your wife isn't upset by your income, she's using that as an excuse to make herself feel better. It's highly disrespectful, her behavior towards you.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My ex h cheated on me and always denied it. He was always telling me everything was my fault and how I wasn't good enough.
> 
> I didn't want to believe it myself and I ignored the red flags for 2 years.
> 
> ...


My wife was upset about income and lifestyle and dreams prior to all of this happening. And this issue is just one of the many we have together, when its good, its great, when its bad, its real real bad. I have seen her prob 5-6 times in the past 7 months. Maybe for an hour at the most. I basically have to make an appointment to see her, even though she lives right down the street from where I am staying. I am honestly spinning inside. Very lost with all of this has ate away at me.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Your wife is upset about income? Maybe you should be upset about her banging her "friend"
She sounds like an entitled princess. Your better off without her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Tonight is friday. Too bad you cant get to radio shack and install an ezoom gps to see where she goes.

Steel yourself. You are the only one who doubts they are screwing.

Oh and 55k + 28k = 83k. Not poverty except in nyc.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Speedin, you are in such denial. Every post you replied to you respond by defending her fidelity or talk about how she lies, etc. You still won’t look at the big picture. You fail to take any responsibility for having YOUR priorities mixed up. A man does not put his parent’s needs before his family’s needs, period. Your marriage was financially stained because you chose to live like that. She asked you over and over to get another job but you would rather financially abandon your wife than your parents. Now we find out you had a friend living with you too. UHG, I would have been very upset too. There is nothing like your husband making it very clear that his wife is not a top priority. You also cannot admit that she more than likely cheated on you. No wonder you are having trouble in your marriage, you have your head stuck in the sand. I am not insinuating that she is blameless here, but unless you take responsibility for your contributions for this mess, you can’t expect her to.

Go to a IC, start working on yourself first, then maybe you can ask her to join you in MC


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## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

AT THE VERY LEAST, she was having an emotional affair. You asked her to stop seeing this friend and she continued to talk to and see him and then lied to you about it---repeatedly. I don't think anyone who is married should be alone with a friend of the opposite sex unless their spouse is okay with it, or if it's a forced work situation. I have no doubt she has had a physical affair as well. 

She is stringing you along, that's why she keeps going back and forth (e.g. filing papers then begging you not to sign, saying she doesn't want to hang out then calling crying/apologizing). She isn't sure if she wants to divorce or not yet, so she's keeping you around. Maybe just to see if you actually do find a higher paying job.. which even if you did, I don't see that making her any happier.

Sign the papers and find someone who you can trust and doesn't just want you if you make a certain amount of money.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I'll bet she's getting a good "vibe" from him too. Look friend. He's hiding in your closet. HIDING IN YOUR CLOSET! That's something right out of a old grainy black and white stag porn movie made in the 40's. Don't buy in to it. What you have is a very selfish woman who has champagne taste who only has beer money. 

She filed and now is asking you not to sign it. No doubt because she can't live on what she makes. If she's complaining about how tough her life is now, she would complain if you were making a six figure salary and not a higher six figure or maybe a seven figure salary. Let her stay at Mumsy's house for a while longer and then let her know that if she wants it to work she better come clean with the guy in the closet first and foremost who is just a friend. Second let her know that her attitude sucks big time and for her to pull her head out of her a$$ and ask for a raise. Or better yet, find a better job. 

And last but not least. NO KIDS YET!! If your going to have sex with her, you damn well better wrap your package or make sure she's on birth control. You already have a out of control wife and you sure as hell don't need a child to make matters worse.


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## Air Texas (May 30, 2013)

He was hiding in the closet. Hiding in the closet. Hiding. 

Why? Because he was guilty of something. You know this.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

JustHer said:


> Speedin, you are in such denial. Every post you replied to you respond by defending her fidelity or talk about how she lies, etc. You still won’t look at the big picture. You fail to take any responsibility for having YOUR priorities mixed up. A man does not put his parent’s needs before his family’s needs, period. Your marriage was financially stained because you chose to live like that. She asked you over and over to get another job but you would rather financially abandon your wife than your parents. Now we find out you had a friend living with you too. UHG, I would have been very upset too. There is nothing like your husband making it very clear that his wife is not a top priority. You also cannot admit that she more than likely cheated on you. No wonder you are having trouble in your marriage, you have your head stuck in the sand. I am not insinuating that she is blameless here, but unless you take responsibility for your contributions for this mess, you can’t expect her to.
> 
> Go to a IC, start working on yourself first, then maybe you can ask her to join you in MC


I understand where she is coming from as far as my job. Which is why I am doing something about it, and plan of having a new job come fall time. It is very hard to watch your parents rot right in front of you, however I agree that there comes a point where I need to think of my self and our family, which is my wife and I. Which is why I am doing something about it. It is a very tough position to be in. 

However, I don't agree that this gives my wife the go ahead to be a complete liar, and deceive me the way she has. There is a line that should never be crossed. She has crossed it. I would never disrespect her like that. She refuses to help make changes for herself, as she has MASSIVE problems. And continues on living life lying to everyone in her family. 

Tonight, I stopped by my in laws house, where she is staying at. I pulled up to the driveway to find her in complete makeup and all done up. She was taking groceries out of her car. Harmless right. I walk up and say I was in the area and thought Id come by and say hi. I walk inside say hello to my mother and father in law. Immediately she is looking at me like a deer in headlights. Her body language is showing that she is very very uncomfortable. 
She tells me she wants me to leave, that she has to finish getting ready to go out to dinner with her sister and friend. 
I leave, go home, and get in my mothers car, and drive back over. I parked the car down the street, and sat there for a bit waiting for her to walk out the door, and get in her car. 
Not more then 15 min later, she walks out the door and gets in her car. I wait a few seconds and begin to follow her making sure I stay a safe distance back. 
She calls me and starts arguing with me telling me she is on her way to the restaurant to meet her sister and ends up hanging up the phone on me. 
I follow her about 15 miles to a big mall. I watch her park her car, get out, and start walking towards the entrance. I look closer, and there he is sitting there on the bench waiting for her. She walks up, he stands up and they walk into the mall together. 

I went over to her sisters house, and her sister had no clue what was going on. She obviously had no plans with her. I chat with my sister and brother in law for a while, and find out a ton more lies where she said that she was hanging out with her sister. 

I am officially done. This girl has serious problems. I think that has boarder line personality disorder. I cant continue on like this, so I don't think that the audio records are necessary at this point. 
I have made mistakes in the past, and would change so much if I could. However, I was always 100% honest, and loyal through all of it. She has gone to far.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Speedin, I truly am sorry for what has happened to you. It totally sucks.

I did not mean to insinuate in my post that your wife had a right to lie or behave the way she has, not at all. In fact I called her on it. 

I think you are making the right choice by being done with her. She certainly doesn't deserve you. I wish you the best of luck with your new job and hope your next wife will give you the respect you want.


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## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

I'm sorry you are going through this. You will find someone who appreciates you and treats you like you deserve... you really will.

Don't contact her anymore... don't respond if she contacts you. 

Sign the papers!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP. you know they are having sex right?

what state?

In some states it gets you out of alimony.
In some states it only removes waiting periods.
In some. It does not matter.

You should have waited and followed to the hookup spot and taken a cellphone pic of them going inside. Yea. I know. Water under the bridge.

Sorry you are here. Another wife busted. Not even in cwi.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Speedin you knew it. You just did not want to believe it that's all and that is nothing to be sorry for. Let me give you a few points to help put it all in perspective.

1. She has been cheating that us sex for over a year and yes that means in your bed,

2. She broke her vows to you.

2. She betrayed your trust.

3. She betrayed your love.

4. She betrayed your dreams.

5. Her lies to you amount to almost every word that she has spoken to you.

She betrayed you with a lusty smile on her face and gutteral moan sorry to be graphic but somedays it is the only way. We have a saying in CWI when a person shows you there true face. BELIEVE IT. The person you thought she was well that was an illusion nothing but smoke and mirrors NOW you see the monster with the lights on. Sign the papers she is only holding onto you so that SHE has the security of you to catch her.

1. Exposé affair to everyone.

2. Sign divorce papers.

3. Go to gym to work out anger/depression.

4. Go out with friends. 

5. Keep posting for support.

Also you may want to ask a moderator to move the thread to CWI section.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

speedin said:


> I have seen her prob 5-6 times in the past 7 months. Maybe for an hour at the most. I basically have to make an appointment to see her


 You know that during the last 7 months that there are days that she has spent more time with the other man (OM) in a single day than she has spent with you in the entire last 7 months combined. Even if she and this hiding in the closet OM where not having sex (which they are), what matters just as much is that you are not having sex with her. You are also not sleeping in the same bed with her, cuddling, holding hands, talking, having meals with her, watching TV with her, finding our about her day, or experiencing life with her in general. Many of these things that she is not doing with you she is doing with the other man. She does not want to hang out with you because she plans to hang out with this OM. Even if we take sex out of the conversation, what advantages do you have in your relationship with your wife over the OM's relationship with your wife? The answer is nothing, in fact he has the better stronger relationship with your wife over your relationship with her.

She is not acting like she is married to you anymore. In practice you are not the man in her life, the OM is. It is time to just sign the D papers and move on. At this point your are just a paycheck. She gets to live in the nice house that she and the OM could not afford as she has you pay the bills and gives you nothing in return.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Wait. She called and argued with you while following...

She saw you and went to him anyway?


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> OP. you know they are having sex right?
> 
> what state?
> 
> ...


Illinois
I followed them to a bar, and once they walked in together, I started hyperventilating, and couldn't breath. Then a huge rush of tears came over me like I had never experienced before. Like someone turned on the shower. 
She keeps insisting they are friends, but i'm sorry, you don't go through this much trouble, risk, and lies for "friends". 
That's it...moving on. Be better off without her. There are couples that have absolutely nothing. (material things, $, house, ect), and they are happy and in love with each other. Guess I wasn't good enough for my wife.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude Im so sorry. 

Please have this thread moved to Coping with Infidelity. We know this part too. You will get more specialized info there. To do this PM a moderator. We have peeps there who are damn good at aspects such as detaching.

With your state we can hopefully get you info on whether evidence matters at all.

Can I assume you now know she is cheating full on sex right? IE the evidence you have is good enough for you. 

Is OM from this past weekend the same as closet man?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, them meeting at the mall versus at his place says something is preventing her from meeting him at his place. Might he be married?


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Dude Im so sorry.
> 
> Please have this thread moved to Coping with Infidelity. We know this part too. You will get more specialized info there. To do this PM a moderator. We have peeps there who are damn good at aspects such as detaching.
> 
> ...



Yes


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Btw, them meeting at the mall versus at his place says something is preventing her from meeting him at his place. Might he be married?


No, the guy is an illegal alien, that hardly speaks english, and gets lost all the time. She met him there so he could follow her to the bar..


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Wait. She called and argued with you while following...
> 
> She saw you and went to him anyway?


Yep, she called me and told me she was on her way to meet her sister, and go out to dinner. This happened while I was following her on the highway to meet her boyfriend. 

I stopped by my in laws house (where she is staying at) before she had left. She was all done up in full on makeup, high heals, and a **** outfit. 
She looked real nervous when I was there, and kept telling me to leave. I kept asking her to hang out, and she kept on telling me she had plans with her sister. 
UNREAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I was brought up differently, or I have morals. But I could never look at my wife and blatenly lie right through my teeth, and deceive her like this. 
She tells me this morning that she didn't value our marriage, and is so so so so sorry. BS! I'm through. Once a cheater, always a cheater.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

So now we have to find out if IL makes a difference in divorce if infidelity can be proved.

PM a mod to get this moved to CWI. 

OK so same guy as before. Long term affair and just to confirm.

Yes you now know this is a full on affair
Yes closet man is the guy she is meeting at the mall (OH to follow) and a bar

Correct?

BTW see a lawyer.

DO NOT TIP YOUR HAND FURTHER! Find out what you need to do. many lawyers give a free initial hour consult.

Do not confide in anyone in her family. They are likely feeding her everything they know you said to them.

Do you have some local support? IE family, good friends?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

speedin said:


> No, the guy is an illegal alien, that hardly speaks english, and gets lost all the time. She met him there so he could follow her to the bar..


Back up a thought here and realize that EVERYTHING you know about him , especially what came via your wife cannot be trusted.

Find out for yourself. 

Where is she getting money to buy him drinks?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

ack I realize I am unclear

She SAW YOU FOLLOWING and called you to argue THEN KEPT GOING TO MEET HIM ANYWAY???

/e brain short circuits


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> ack I realize I am unclear
> 
> She SAW YOU FOLLOWING and called you to argue THEN KEPT GOING TO MEET HIM ANYWAY???
> 
> /e brain short circuits


No she didn't see me follow her, she was just calling me to argue with me about whatever, then when I asked where she is going she told me out to dinner with her sister...


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Good lord this one takes the cake. 

Stay on track, brother. 

So sorry things turned out this way for you, but you're young and will have SUCH a better life once you get this woman completely out of your life. This I know from personal experience.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

Well, you guys were all right. I should have done this a long time ago. Thanks to weightlifter for waking me through the steps I finally got the long need information I was seeking. I purchased the sony audio recorder as per weighlifters recommendation. I placed it under her seat in OUR car, and let it sit for a few days. Well, she ended up going out of town for the 4th of july long weekend. It didn't record her in the act, but I did get a lot of terrible information that made my heart sink and now is crushed into nothing. 
I recorded an argument between the two of them were having together. How he wanted to be recognized as her man, because he was sick and tired of playing it off to all of her family that they were just friends. I heard my wife tell him that in a few months that we were going to be divorced and she plans on telling her family as soon as possible so they can be together. I then hear my wife tell him that she messed up her birth control, and that she has been having some bleeding so she called the doctor. He then went over every single time in detail when they had sex...I quote "we had sex 2 times yesterday, and once the day before, and I didn't see any bleeding" She then said " yea, I know it just started today, I don't know whats goin on, I think we should get a pregnancy test"

I call her up histarical telling her that I have the recording from her just 3 hours ago talking about her plot to leave me, her boyfriend being upset that he has to hide their relationship, and how many times they had sex over the weekend and how she might be pregnant. 
She tells me that she has no idea what I am talking about and that she has never cheated on me. I tell her I have a 30 min recording of the two of them talking about it. She tells me that she wants to hear that because she has no idea what I am talking about. That she doesn't want to lose me and that if I leave her she will kill herself. 
I told her that I am done, and that I hope that she is pregnant with his child. 
I seriously can not understand how someone can deny cheating when she blatantly talked about it in the clear blue. She wont admit it non of it. I am totally blown away, and have never been taken advantage of like this in my entire life. 

I had to be admitted to the local treatment center today because I had a nervous breakdown and start to throw up and couldn't breath.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

speedin said:


> Guess I wasn't good enough for my wife.


You have it all wrong. You were good enough. "Good" being the key word. She has no morals. She needs to be with someone more like her.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

speedin said:


> She tells me that she wants to hear that because she has no idea what I am talking about. That she doesn't want to lose me and that if I leave her she will kill herself.


Classic cheater script. Even after hearing it with her own ears, she will try to say you took it out of context or she will become enraged and say "How dare you spy on me" and then tell you this is the reason she has to leave you......not because she is a cheating wh0re.



speedin said:


> I had to be admitted to the local treatment center today because I had a nervous breakdown and start to throw up and couldn't breath.


Please take care of yourself.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

DONT even play it for her. You are never supposed to give up your electronic evidence. Just tell her you know they are fvcking and be done. Tell her a PI did some long distance stuff. DO NOT SAY YOU DID IT! She does not need to know about VARs.

1) Heal
2) In about 4 weeks start going to house parties
3) Eventually you will chat up some girl who is going to put up NO resistance. Wear a condom but fvck the crap out of her. YOU WILL FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN. You ego will go from 0% to 60% in a half hour. Read the top link in my sig. Yes it will really happen.
4) When ready find a new loyal woman you deserve.
5) Success IS the best revenge. HEAL. LIVE A FULL LIFE. Yes I know the world feels like its imploding ATM. JUST Fix it in your mind that in say 6 months, a year, whatever, you will begin your search for a new woman. wife? who knows maybe just girlfriend. 

Shortish term. Get some poon. Poon is superglue for that smashed ego of yours.

SEE YOUR LAWYER. FILE FILE FILE FILE! You are plan B and by waiting you allow her to control the timetable.

EXPOSE her to her family NOW. Wish you had gotten pics of them together. If you do by chance. Post the pic on YOUR facebook. Tag her then put caption. Wife and her boyfriend.

Im so sorry
Guess your wife is #18 for me. Go me. sigh. Ugh I HATE being correct all the time, but, you DESERVE the truth.

Given the following thing. I hope you didnt think anything otherwise.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Guess Im mr Meanie today.

Next time she threatens to kill herself. Offer to go buy the rope or knives, whatever she needs. CALL HER BLUFF.

STOP crying in front of her. Cry all you want to a bro or friend or to yourself BUT NOT TO HER!

Anyway tell her the recording was from a PI not a VAR. Tell her to name the kid Speedin (your real name)

OH AND HAVE THIS MOVED TO CWI. Im near the best at busting cheaters. only competent at the after part. Coping With Infidelity has people who are best in that area.


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## speedin (Jun 20, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Guess Im mr Meanie today.
> 
> Next time she threatens to kill herself. Offer to go buy the rope or knives, whatever she needs. CALL HER BLUFF.
> 
> ...


I am not going to tell her family, I am better then that. She has no class. I know the truth, god knows the truth, and she knows the truth. That's all that matters. Her family are great people and I don't want to cause them pain. The will find out one day, and Karma always wins.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

speedin said:


> I am not going to tell her family, I am better then that. She has no class. I know the truth, god knows the truth, and she knows the truth. That's all that matters. Her family are great people and I don't want to cause them pain. *The will find out one day*, and Karma always wins.


They will find out the version your WS gives them, which will be far from the truth.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Shortish term. Get some poon. Poon is superglue for that smashed ego of yours.


So then a year from now he can come back and complain why all he knows is slvtty "party girls." And the debate about whether or not he should be honest with his next serious/LTR partner about the "poon patrol" he went on when recovering from his divorce. 

Come on - really?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

speedin said:


> I am not going to tell her family, I am better then that. She has no class. I know the truth, god knows the truth, and she knows the truth. That's all that matters. Her family are great people and I don't want to cause them pain. The will find out one day, and *Karma always wins.*


No it doesn't. You have statistics on your side regarding the likelihood of her and her AP having a great relationship that lasts as being nil. But that doesn't mean that her life will suck in perpetuity just because she cheated on you. What you need to do, IMHO, is to set the record straight and tell her parents why you are divorcing their daughter. If they are great people, they deserve to know the score.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> So then a year from now he can come back and complain why all he knows is slvtty "party girls." And the debate about whether or not he should be honest with his next serious/LTR partner about the "poon patrol" he went on when recovering from his divorce.
> 
> Come on - really?


Yes really. And I never said date the girl. Do it three times and he will feel like a new man. NOT a long term approach. Its a short term fix for the ego. Once the ego is at 80% the heart will follow on its own. That on WILL take longer.

Oh and yes, tell her family. You can be polite about it but YES, tell them otherwise you are a controlling freak POS who dumped her and cheated or whatever she makes up.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I must be more of a Jungian that I think (hope?) men are more than the sum of their ego. 

Also - that doesn't really answer my query about whether not its 1 time, 3 times, or 50 times - in the future, should he discuss this "poon patrol" with a future partner? Given the heavy emphasis here on the forums about "number discussions" - my only thought was while this might be a "short term fix" - later if/when he wants to get serious with someone else and explains "Well - there was that period of time I needed to fix my ego that I slept with 30 women in two weeks - but don't judge me on that."


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