# Problem with wanting sex to just be natural



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon. 

*SERIOUSLY? *

Badsanta

PS: There is a small chance that my wife has no fantasy and she said that to make me work harder at making her happy. That would be so like her as she admittedly enjoys messing with my head and teasing me in that exact way.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

They all do LOL

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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

peterrabbit said:


> They all do LOL
> 
> Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk


Mess with our heads that is

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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Your wife has only herself to blame if her fantasy never comes true.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hopefully she's just messing with ya.

Otherwise it becomes YOUR fault that you cannot read HER mind.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Your wife has only herself to blame if her fantasy never comes true.


No sh!t. 20 YEARS?? You've got to be kidding me. She really doesnt want to do it then.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Got to agree with others. The idea that you can somehow figure out what she wants is absurd.

Maybe show up to bed with a hockey mask, a toaster and a basket ball and announce that you think you have guessed at her fantasy.......


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You should start living out your fantasies(with her) and who knows maybe you hit on the right one.You can have a lot of fun trying anyway.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Check with strongman. He's a mind reader.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> 
> *SERIOUSLY? *
> 
> ...


Following your posts for some time now, I felt for sure you have tried everything. Are you allowed hints? Does it involve a cape or scuba gear?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

20 years? Hmm, that is a mystery...it could be..

You dressing as an 80's or 90's iconic sex symbol... I'm thinking it's definitely David Hasselholf!


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

I'm thinking she wants you to "rape" her. Plenty women have this fantasy, myself included. 

PS: not rape in the sense of a stranger taking you against your will, violently.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

20 years! Wow!
I stumbled on one of my wife's fantasies by accident. That was after about 5 years.
When i asked where her orgasm came from, one like I had never seen before, she told me she had wanted me to do that to her for years! Go figure. I'd have never guessed she had that fantasy, and when i asked, she said she never would have told me. She was afraid i would have thought she was a perv or something. One thing....it was nothing i would have thpought of doing, much less that she wanted me to. 

Anyway....i did it all the time after that.....and i did it better and with more and great enthusiasm!
She told me another little thing she wanted to try later, and i did that too! Then...another and another.
One good ffantasy deserves another....


Get her drunk, and pry it out of her! 
Or you may never know what you are missng....and her either!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Maybe - but how can he possibly know. Games like that cannot be played without some prior discussion. 

Rape fantasies are fantastic, but there has to be some prior agreement on safe words etc or things can go terribly badly. 


Maybe she wants him to wake her with sex? or spank her. Or give her a long erotic massage. Or bite her earlobes, or anal, or tickle her, or watersports, or...... There is an endless list of things that some people would really enjoy and others would hate. 




Keke24 said:


> I'm thinking she wants you to "rape" her. Plenty women have this fantasy, myself included.
> 
> PS: not rape in the sense of a stranger taking you against your will, violently.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> 20 years? Hmm, that is a mystery...it could be..
> 
> You dressing as an 80's or 90's iconic sex symbol... I'm thinking it's definitely David Hasselholf!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Satya said:


>












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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

It's stuff like this that makes me question the wisdom of having internet.


But I still bookmarked it for future use.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Boy I can't relate to any of this... I am one who will outright spell out what I want, open every fantasy.....did a whole "spice jar" for this purpose...but then he struggles to get "rough" or do those things.. as it's not 'his nature"...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Maybe her fantasy is The Natural, she dreams of hitting a home run to win the big game and dancing around in the exploding lights ... Make it happen @badsanta!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> No sh!t. 20 YEARS?? You've got to be kidding me. She really doesnt want to do it then.


She often seems really embarrassed for some reason when things get really hot in the bedroom and she looses control. She likes be very in control. 




Keke24 said:


> I'm thinking she wants you to "rape" her. Plenty women have this fantasy, myself included.
> 
> PS: not rape in the sense of a stranger taking you against your will, violently.


I thought about this, but discarded the idea. I do know many women have fantasies of sex being rough and being dominated by a partner. My wife and I have spoken in detail that she NEEDS an emotional connection during intimacy or no matter what I do that it will just not happen. While I have not been rough with her, I do occasionally play aggressively and playful and I can tell that doing that is not really her thing.



Lurkster said:


> 20 years! Wow!
> I stumbled on one of my wife's fantasies by accident. That was after about 5 years.
> When i asked where her orgasm came from, one like I had never seen before, she told me she had wanted me to do that to her for years! Go figure. I'd have never guessed she had that fantasy, and when i asked, she said she never would have told me. She was afraid i would have thought she was a perv or something. One thing....it was nothing i would have thpought of doing, much less that she wanted me to.
> 
> ...


Thanks @Lurkster I do actually believe that my wife has some ideas that she does not want to share with me. She has hinted at many things in the past after the fact that I have not done, but I do not know if she was just playfully criticizing my lovemaking (OMG she does that nonstop!) or if it was something she wants for real. ONLY RECENTLY has she been opening up about things that are helpful for me to do for her in the bedroom. Most of which involve me being extremely aroused before I initiate, but I thinks she likes this mostly because it puts her in control with minimal effort. So that translates in my book that she just wants to be lazy and enjoy ME doing all the work. 

I was being playful this morning discussing a variety of extremely inappropriate things I had "planned" just fishing with ideas to see how she would respond to them if any would cause her eyebrows to raise. She just looked at me calmly and said, "I really do not like the idea of honey in the bed as it will make the sheets all sticky! Please do not try that one."

In my opinion there probably is something that she would want me to try, but she is really not that confident yet to ask for things that are just for her pleasure. I describe in detail to her what those things are for me, so when she does something she knows exactly what it will do to me. Meanwhile I get no feedback from her other than occasionally stumbling across something that sends her through the roof, and then she seems embarrassed afterwards and even accuses me of making fun of her because I got excited (but I do not make fun of her). 

I'm guessing she likes being in control, but revealing a fantasy to me would involve her letting go. While she trusts me in our marriage, she would probably fear that I would use such knowledge about her fantasies to extort more sex out of her. Would I do that? Probably...

Badsanta


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Maybe she wants to initiate. Because you are always trying so hard when it comes to sex, she never gets the chance. Juuust a guess. lol

Wouldn't it be funny if I'm right?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I'm guessing she likes being in control, but revealing a fantasy to me would involve her letting go. While she trusts me in our marriage, she would probably fear that I would use such knowledge about her fantasies to extort more sex out of her. *Would I do that? Probably..*.
> 
> Badsanta


lol


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> 
> *SERIOUSLY? *
> 
> ...


Is that a free pass to try anything and everything with her?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ExiledBayStater said:


> Is that a free pass to try anything and everything with her?


Not exactly, but I do imagine it is a _challenge_ for me to keep trying harder. 

Try anything ≠ try something you know I might like


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> 
> *SERIOUSLY? *
> 
> ...



I hope this is a joke on her part because otherwise she has some mental issues that need addressing.

She has a fantasy and for the last 20 years has never told you but hopes you can read her mind and just do it with her??? FOR REAL?!

Greatest respect but she has mental problems and this is not normal. Most woman tell their men what they would like and what turns them on. It's called communication and the lades do this very well.

If a woman has a fantasy, she tells her man and bam it happens or she says nothing and nothing happens.


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## Good Guy (Apr 26, 2016)

Try inviting over her sister and best friend for a foursome ????

Joking !


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

When I saw the title of this thread I thought the "problem with wanting sex to just be natural", is that when we do that sex just NEVER happens. And, I see that I was right. 20 years should be proof enough for anyone.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> 
> *SERIOUSLY? *
> 
> ...


*She may not exactly have a problem with "fantasies,"  per se, but it's painfully obvious that she sure does have one in the area of marital "communications!"*


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

badsanta said:


> I do actually believe that my wife has some ideas that she does not want to share with me.
> 
> In my opinion there probably is something that she would want me to try, but she is really not that confident yet to ask for things that are just for her pleasure.
> Badsanta


Not sure how you can get your wife to disclose her fantasy, or maybe (hopefully?) fantasies. Like I said, I stumbled on one of my wife's by accident. 
The good news was, after I did, and and did it again cause she was so into it, she finally spilled the beans. 
Yes, she didn't want to mention it. Lack of confidence, and a confidence I would think she was a pervert. 
Also, she just took for granted, and believed that I should always be the one to initiate any sex, so for her to start something....no way.
Better news, was not a long time after that, she mentioned another "little thing she'd been thinking about". 
It just got better from there. 

Good luck, and keep working on it!


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> I'm thinking she wants you to "rape" her. Plenty women have this fantasy, myself included.
> 
> PS: not rape in the sense of a stranger taking you against your will, violently.


This was my first thought.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

badsanta said:


> I'm guessing she likes being in control, but revealing a fantasy to me would involve her letting go. While she trusts me in our marriage, she would probably fear that I would use such knowledge about her fantasies to extort more sex out of her. Would I do that? Probably...


Halloween is a long way off. But take her shopping for a costume or clothes that suggest "she's in control". Maybe walk through a big mall and see where she wants to shop. For some that might be something black and stilettos. For me, maybe a train engineer's cap and overalls. See what she chooses. Mardi Gras is coming; St. Patrick's Day. You can always pause at the Victoria's Secret window too, but don't discount the possibility that it might be Sears and major appliances. Have fun with it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Randy2 said:


> Halloween is a long way off. But take her shopping for a costume or clothes that suggest "she's in control". Maybe walk through a big mall and see where she wants to shop.


Walking through a ginormous mall and letting her see where she might want to shop actually is a huge fantasy of hers, and he tends to be rather vocal about that one. She would not be interested in any type of costume, odds are she going straight to the section of the store that has winter cloths on clearance to try and find a deal.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't know what it could be but if you do Tap into the power of mind reading let me know how you do it. Seems necessary in today's realtionship lol


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't know what it could be but if you do Tap into the power of mind reading let me know how you do it. Seems necessary in today's realtionship lol


I was trying something different today and was allowing it to be all about her. At first she resisted saying that I did not need to do what I was about to try. So I told her that I would start trying something and at any time she could ask me to stop. Then I would stop and pretend I heard her say something as if she said stop... which turned into her begging me not to stop! 

So while you CAN'T READ A WOMAN'S MIND, *you can misread it on purpose and trick her into correcting you!*

>

Badsanta


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I was trying something different today and was allowing it to be all about her. At first she resisted saying that I did not need to do what I was about to try. So I told her that I would start trying something and at any time she could ask me to stop. Then I would stop and pretend I heard her say something as if she said stop... which turned into her begging me not to stop!
> 
> So while you CAN'T READ A WOMAN'S MIND, *you can misread it on purpose and trick her into correcting you!*
> 
> ...


How very Jedi mind trick


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

badsanta said:


> odds are she going straight to the section of the store that has winter cloths on clearance to try and find a deal.


Well, duh. So you smilingly drop some cash on a pile of winter cloths, then pile them up on the bed or couch when you get home, and then "so now what do we do with these honey?" Without overtly suggesting sex. Yeah, she'll know sex is in the background, but you might get a surprise that might lead to something else down the road.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

She's yanking your chain. Your idea she enjoys the pursuit is on the money. Even if there a fantasy, telling you about it in that manner is playing games. Either scenario should be unacceptable.

The solution is to act like the fantasy doesn't exist. Do not mention it or do anything to give the satisfaction she seeks. If she brings it up again, tell her you won't let anyone yank your chain. Anything important enough for you to invest effort is important enough to discuss openly.

At the end of the day, she will (1) stop screwing with your head or (2) actually tell you what it is. Either is better than you being driven like cattle to a new pasture.



badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> 
> *SERIOUSLY? *
> 
> ...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

DTO said:


> *She's yanking your chain. Your idea she enjoys the pursuit is on the money. Even if there a fantasy*, telling you about it in that manner is playing games.


I'm thinking her yanking my chain to see what I will do next IS HER FANTASY! In the past, when she yanks, the more creative I get.

My challenge is coming up with ideas that play out naturally. In the event I need to have supplies handy or something involves a novelty I usually mess that up. She will be in the mood, and then I'm running across the house to my secret hiding place, trying to open one of those plastic packages that are welded shut, can't find the scissors to get it open, and eventually running into the office to chop it open on the cutting board. By the time I get back to the bedroom with it she wants to know where I went and WTF is that I have in my hands... So I have to chance it and have it hidden under her pillow. The few times that works I accuse her of doing all sorts of deviant things. I then reach under her pillow as if searching for evidence and I am like, "ah ha! look what I found!" and that one usually freaks her out because then it becomes obvious that she just got played and fell into my trap, which she likes. 

Now imagine how that works the majority of the time. I hide something under her pillow and she is just not in the mood. Then she goes to sleep all night with something like this under her pillow while I cringe that she will find it and completely ruin any chances of being surprised by it later:









*
But I am one step ahead of her!* _What? An ultra tiny lockbox under your pillow? Hmmmm, I bet I can guess the combination!_ ...and I'll ONLY open it if she gets back in the mood!

Badsanta


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Hi,
Ask her to leave hints around the house that are not descriptive so that you can figure it out. Leave clues like a treasure hunt. May be 20 leads might do. Ask or or does she hint or get involved in the story line when watching T.V? (like we do watching football, playing video games etc.? Take a look when she is spending an extra long time at pictures in magazines, does she subscribe to something, steal one or two of her romance novels that she raves about and read it. There may be a hit there. Try to keep your ears open when she is on the telephone talking to her mother, daughter, friends. Take her friend to the side and ask. "Hey Joan, I want to spice up my marriage, Has my wife hinted what she would like. The best scenario would be it so say. "I want to make you happy. Tell me what you want!" The reason being is that she will grow in contempt and will fell ashamed and feel that she is not safe to share her most intimate part of herself. When you or she gets to the point of too afraid to share, ask for needs net, and do not set up the right occasion to romance that leads the champagne room the marriage is over. Six months ago my wife was talking to daughter about wanting a pink tool set because I and her son kept using her tool bag. Least be told, she liked the pink Craftsman tool bag and the pink generic tool set I got her from Menards for $10.00/$20.00 and I had to submit a rebate form. $10.00 made her smile on Christmas day. 

I tell you that when the safety feeling stops in relating or other emotional stuff, no amount of counseling can undue the chastity belt in your heart and soul to continue loving her or her loving you anymore. She is not telling you do to shame or fear. Plus women want us to know what is in their mind. You know how that is. I don't think either of us picked the winning lotto numbers to win a million dollar jack put.

Go on a hunt and listen and observe - it could be fun. "When she says I am waiting for you to figure it out- again." Do this, Look in her eyes, and say, "Oh, this can be fun, I can be your romantic Sherlock Holmes!, Leave me some clues around the house my sexy Watson kittin," Then KISS her and walk away somewhat immediately. Don't open your mouth at all to say something. If you become the first person you talk after you said that, the intrigue ends like a failed catch by a fullback in the end zone and you just ruined the moment. As you turn your back and walk away it will most likely should bring a smile to her face and hopefully intrigue her. 

Good luck and you have nothing to lose. I, and others will be excited for your mission to see if it ever pans out. Get going and report so us men can have our Hallmark moment! besides us crying when Lee Marvin blows up a German McMansion in the "Dirty Doze." LOL>
Dude! Please spill the beans an give us details the morning after. Us may learn something we can use.

David


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

DTO said:


> She's yanking your chain. Your idea she enjoys the pursuit is on the money. Even if there a fantasy, telling you about it in that manner is playing games. Either scenario should be unacceptable.
> 
> The solution is to act like the fantasy doesn't exist. Do not mention it or do anything to give the satisfaction she seeks. If she brings it up again, tell her you won't let anyone yank your chain. Anything important enough for you to invest effort is important enough to discuss openly.
> 
> At the end of the day, she will (1) stop screwing with your head or (2) actually tell you what it is. Either is better than you being driven like cattle to a new pasture.



I think you miss the point. If you read the OP's many threads, it's pretty clear that, as much as he posts "complaints" about his sex life, he clearly enjoys the mind games. He plays them too. A lot. This is the dynamic of their marriage. One that, apparently, works for both of them. Otherwise, one or both of them would have put an end to either the head games or the relationship a long time ago.


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## alismom677 (Jan 10, 2017)

I just really dont think it could her wanting to be raped. That sounds like it could be a little strange. I guess i am this way because i have been raped.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Rowan said:


> I think you miss the point. If you read the OP's many threads, it's pretty clear that, as much as he posts "complaints" about his sex life, he clearly enjoys the mind games. He plays them too. A lot. This is the dynamic of their marriage. One that, apparently, works for both of them. Otherwise, one or both of them would have put an end to either the head games or the relationship a long time ago.


Time for me to work myself up into a "creative temper tantrum!"


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> 
> *SERIOUSLY? *
> 
> ...


A shot in the dark: having slightly forceful sex with a stranger? (You pretending to be the perpetrator. Obviously. Don't bring a friend!)

I tried that once and was amazed that I hit bull's eye.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Lurkster said:


> 20 years! Wow!
> I stumbled on one of my wife's fantasies by accident. That was after about 5 years.
> When i asked where her orgasm came from, one like I had never seen before, she told me she had wanted me to do that to her for years! Go figure. I'd have never guessed she had that fantasy, and when i asked, she said she never would have told me. She was afraid i would have thought she was a perv or something. One thing....it was nothing i would have thpought of doing, much less that she wanted me to.
> 
> ...


Ok, now this is just a sin not to tell us what it was 

That was my experience too: once you open the flood gates...


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

badsanta said:


> PS: There is a small chance that my wife has no fantasy and she said that to make me work harder at making her happy. That would be so like her* as she admittedly enjoys messing with my head and teasing me in that exact way.*





Way to go Mrs. badsanta


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I think there is an actual fantasy (every woman has one, or a few). The fact that she is worried that it might be scripted if she told you suggests something more elaborate than a pot of honey or an activity. Probably an impersonation or the first thing I mentioned. Have you heard of Clive Bixby and Julianna?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lurkster said:


> 20 years! Wow!
> I stumbled on one of my wife's fantasies by accident. That was after about 5 years.
> When i asked where her orgasm came from, one like I had never seen before, she told me she had wanted me to do that to her for years! Go figure. I'd have never guessed she had that fantasy, and when i asked, she said she never would have told me. She was afraid i would have thought she was a perv or something. One thing....it was nothing i would have thpought of doing, much less that she wanted me to.
> 
> ...


Lots of people have sexual fantasies that can't be accomplished with one sexual partner.

One of my wife's fantasies is to be surrounded by a circle of masturbating men, although I'm fine with her having that fantasy amongst others I certainly won't be accomodating her.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Personal said:


> One of my wife's fantasies is to be surrounded by a circle of masturbating men, although I'm fine with her having that fantasy amongst others I certainly won't be accomodating her.




Prude.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Personal said:


> One of my wife's fantasies is to be surrounded by a circle of masturbating men, although I'm fine with her having that fantasy amongst others I certainly won't be accomodating her.


You probably can't; it's quite difficult to form a circle with just one person >

That's some fantasy though...Kudos to her for having the balls to tell you.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Personal said:


> Lots of people have sexual fantasies that can't be accomplished with one sexual partner.
> 
> One of my wife's fantasies is to be surrounded by a circle of masturbating men, although I'm fine with her having that fantasy amongst others I certainly won't be accomodating her.


There are also fantasies which are physically impossible! My wife had one of those....quite bizarre. 
She fantasized about me boinking her and eating her at the same time, all while overfilling her with a major volume of ejaculate. 

We did a 'simulation' with a dildo....as close as I could get!


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Hope that wasn't TMI for the board......


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Lurkster said:


> There are also fantasies which are physically impossible! My wife had one of those....quite bizarre.
> She fantasized about me boinking her and eating her at the same time, all while overfilling her with a major volume of ejaculate.
> 
> We did a 'simulation' with a dildo....as close as I could get!


Don't forget to bring a (small) a...plug next time for her as well. It's important to get it right...

But seriously, I wonder how all these fantasies sit with the "porn" threads where it is generally assumed that porn ruins the men's brains for good, provides unrealistic expectations and causes ED.

Those fantasies originated in women's brains, I presume. Or is it the expectation that this is something that men want and women feel they need to live up to something? I could never get my head around which way it is. And I don't think it matters, as long as everyone is enjoying it.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Don't forget to bring a (small) a...plug next time for her as well. It's important to get it right...
> 
> But seriously, I wonder how all these fantasies sit with the "porn" threads where it is generally assumed that porn ruins the men's brains for good, provides unrealistic expectations and causes ED.
> 
> Those fantasies originated in women's brains, I presume. Or is it the expectation that this is something that men want and women feel they need to live up to something? I could never get my head around which way it is. And I don't think it matters, as long as everyone is enjoying it.


Well....my wife is not a porn fan by any stretch of the imagination. She thinks this stuff up in her own brain! 

Took us a few years to figure it out, but she's the kinky one!! I'm running a distant second!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Same here. Go figure...


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Same here. Go figure...


That's OK.....
Don't know 'bout you....but I kind of like it!!

>


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Lurkster said:


> That's OK.....
> Don't know 'bout you....but I kind of like it!!
> 
> >


Yup. It seems we are blessed; don't say it out too loud otherwise you might scare it away :smile2: 
Enjoy. 

Though I think the fantasies are there in every person; just takes time, practice and trust to figure them out & press the right buttons.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Yup. It seems we are blessed; don't say it out too loud otherwise you might scare it away :smile2:
> Enjoy.
> 
> Though I think the fantasies are there in every person; just takes time, practice and trust to figure them out & press the right buttons.



Mum's the word..... 

And, I have to agree. Took 5 years to discover the first one of her fantasizes. That was the right button to learn more later! When she figured out that I was always willing, I learned a lot!!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> I think there is an actual fantasy (every woman has one, or a few). The fact that she is worried that it might be scripted if she told you suggests something more elaborate than a pot of honey or an activity. Probably an impersonation or the first thing I mentioned. Have you heard of Clive Bixby and Julianna?


IF.... there is a real fantasy she indicated that it would be something that could just happen naturally. So I doubt there would be any theatrics or role playing.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

badsanta said:


> IF.... there is a real fantasy she indicated that it would be something that could just happen naturally. So I doubt there would be any theatrics or role playing.


Well, if you ever find out, I would be very interested to know what it was: I am collecting these to add to the repertoire at home.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

badsanta said:


> IF.... there is a real fantasy she indicated that it would be something that could just happen naturally. So I doubt there would be any theatrics or role playing.




Although if it hasn't happened in 20 years, it doesn't seem like something that occurs naturally, easily! Can you not ask her to guide you?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Personal said:


> Lots of people have sexual fantasies that can't be accomplished with one sexual partner.
> 
> One of my wife's fantasies is to be surrounded by a circle of masturbating men, although I'm fine with her having that fantasy amongst others I certainly won't be accomodating her.


Agreed with others. MAJOR kudos to your wife for being open enough to tell you such a fantasy. 

Would freak me out initially to hear something like that, but would then appreciate the openness.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> Although if it hasn't happened in 20 years, it doesn't seem like something that occurs naturally, easily! Can you not ask her to guide you?


I'm making a mental list of things that are rather "natural" for a monogamous couple, but that are just _not my style_. There actually would be a few things on that list. A few of our recent conversations of hers have also hinted at a few stylistic changes. 

Badsanta


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## Hellomynameis (Dec 16, 2016)

Does she read spicy romance or erotic novels? Most women gravitate toward the books that have characters having sex the way they fantasize about it.

Have you tried the kitchen counter or up against the refrigerator yet? Or on the stairs on the way to the bedroom, with the scenario being you can't wait long enough to make it to the bed? (And yes, I would have loved any of those, tame as they may seem. My H never wanted ANYTHING other than vanilla doggy style or spooning. He didn't even like missionary. Although he did tell me once after we split that he did have fantasies just not involving me. I was his "good girl" and he couldn't treat me that way. 

I read a romance novel once where they had sex on a moving treadmill...talk about fantasy ... as in, how is that even possible 😜


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Hellomynameis said:


> I read a romance novel once where they had sex on a moving treadmill...talk about fantasy ... as in, how is that even possible 😜


Are you sure it wasn't Men's Health magazine? From time to time they always preach how to give enjoyable sex to your wife while work out your body at the same time...(pathetic!) :scratchhead:
Now if only they mentioned one of those Power Vibration Plates, I could maybe understand the appeal!


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Are you sure it wasn't Men's Health magazine? From time to time they always preach how to give enjoyable sex to your wife while work out your body at the same time...(pathetic!) :scratchhead:
> Now if only they mentioned one of those Power Vibration Plates, I could maybe understand the appeal!


I thought enjoyable sex is a workout???


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hellomynameis said:


> Does she read spicy romance or erotic novels? Most women gravitate toward the books that have characters having sex the way they fantasize about it.
> &#55357;&#56860;


She does not like reading fiction. I'm more likely to find her enjoying a book on the history of western civilization or philosophy. 

Anything we watch on TV that has a nude scene (game of thrones), she fast forwards through those scenes. I get upset and tell her those scenes likely include half the plot, but she seems put off by the gratuitous nudity that is most likely just for increasing the ratings. 

So as for books, stuff like this would be the only potential clue, but I'm sure she skips over this part as well:


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

badsanta said:


> So as for books, stuff like this would be the only potential clue, but I'm sure she skips over this part as well:



Or maybe she's stuck on that page??


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

badsanta said:


> The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.
> .


What a cruel mistress! Psychological warfare!

Tie her up to the bed, and then proceed to do every sex act known to you, and see if you stumble on the right one! :wink2:

You could trick her into telling you with modern technology!
http://mojoupgrade.com/


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> What a cruel mistress! Psychological warfare!
> 
> Tie her up to the bed, and then proceed to do every sex act known to you, and see if you stumble on the right one! :wink2:
> 
> ...


What a cool idea for some couples!!


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> You could trick her into telling you with modern technology!
> Interactive Sex Questionnaire for Couples | Mojo Upgrade


Well, I just zipped through the mojoupgrade quiz mentioned above. Cool idea, and it is pretty "advanced". Initially, I imagined that my wife wouldn't even read/answer some of the questions. Then I came across questions I was unsure of answering. It definitely raises some personal and interpersonal dynamics, while asking about non-vanilla activities in a VERY VANILLA way.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

let us know if it works out for you. 

I think the premise is, you MIGHT have very kinky thoughts, and want to try things, but are too embarrassed to tell your spouse what it is. BUt you two might have a common kink that yu would be surprised that the other person wants also.


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