# Uneasy feeling



## ForBetter1982 (Jan 3, 2009)

I have been married for over 25 years. Some good, some rocky. My husband is a likable guy and I've noticed over the years that he seems to befriend women on any job he has. That never bothered me until recently because we would usually socialize as couples and I would be part of the circle. In the job he has been in for the last year there is a women that works with him that I have never met but have heard her name mentioned many times in conversation with him at home. Too many for my liking. Once while watching a movie he noted that the actress reminded him of her, he comments on the great job that she does at work and how she helps him. She also organizes the after work social meetings that my husband says he never attends until today. She sent him a text message on his cell phone reminding him of the time of the office party. He did go for a little while after work and then came home. I am ok with him meeting his friends after work for a drink, I do it occasionally. The problem I had was her texting him at 9 pm at night to say she was glad he was there. He had a grin on his face when he read it. I tried not to explode with the questions and figured I'd just let him talk. He was honest about who it was and what she said and he texted something back which I didn't ask about. He appeared uncomfortable after that and was very nice to me. I am not comfortable with this situation and by the way, she is not in a good marriage. My thought was to let him know how I feel or should I just observe a little more closely. I've never had this feeling before. I also noticed her phone number is programmed into his cell phone.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If you have online access to your wireless carrier - you can see how frequently he calls, or is called by that number. I have been surprised by how many people aren't aware of this.

I would further point out that you only use this to confirm what you already suspect, and not use it as a monitoring tool. It can become consuming and can actually damage an otherwise healthy relationship if your partner is faithful, and you are simply jealous or paranoid. (I'm not inferring this is you, ForBetter, but I know people that obsess about what their SO is doing, and who they talk to)
I would advocate speaking openly with him that the behavior concerns you.


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## blindsided (Nov 29, 2008)

Hi Uneasy feeling:

I feel I must reply to your post. I have been married 27 years, a good marriage. I too began to hear of the girl at work who helped my husband so much. She too began to text him often....they were working hard to keep the business afloat, it did not bother me. Even during our family vacation and her family vacation, they had to stay in touch once a day to determine bills to pay, etc. At some point there started to be rumors at work about them.....my husband came home and TOLD me this. They were insulted. The thought FLICKERED across my mind..........and I dismissed it, because I knew my husband loved me deeply, and never believed him capable of being unfaithful. She was in an unhappy marriage of 13 years, her husband was abusive, and my husband listened to her. I knew all of these things because he spoke of them to me!

Do I need to tell you the rest? It was a brief affair, he was miserable and confessed. He loves me, not her. It was a huge mistake. 

We aren't supposed to waste time on the "what ifs". But what I wouldn't give to have been able to prevent the whole thing by simply sitting him down, looking him in the eye, telling him I loved him dearly, and telling him I was uncomfortable with the relationship they had, and starting a dialogue. I KNOW it never would have happened....

We are doing great and have an even better relationship, but what pain could have been avoided!

Listen to your feelings. Talk openly and honestly with him.


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## ForBetter1982 (Jan 3, 2009)

Thank you both Deejo and blindsided for your response. You both helped me a lot by sharing your suggestions. In regard to accessing the phone info online, we have different carriers so I don't have access to that information. I will have to refrain from the spying on the actual phone but I will be checking it from time to time. And Blindsided, thank you for your account of the situation and I'm sorry for what you had experienced and I'm glad everything is going well with you and your husband. It is a happy ending. I am going to open up the subject when I feel it is a good time, most likely the next time she comes up in conversation. I just have to figure out how to lead into it. I hope I am not reading more into it than necessary but I know how some women can be, especially if they are not happy at home and I've learned to listen to my gut. It is her that I am more concerned about than him! I always trusted him, he never gave me reason not to.


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## MarriageHelpers (Jan 6, 2009)

Hello Uneasy,
Your husband may be completely oblivious to what you're feeling and experiencing. Have you communicated to him that you are feeling uncomfortable when he frequently talks about this woman from work? She may be in a rocky relationship and leaning on your husband for 'emotional' support. Try to find a right time to mention this to your spouse.


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