# What is the best choice?



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

How am I going to do this? I need to legally seperate and divorce but what is the best choice? I have two children 21 and 23 currently they are in the family home. I took a job abroad to make a decision about the marriage. I am currently teaching in a beautiful place sunny and warm. I have a comfortable life with apartment, car etc. At home (Canada) I co-own a house and a cottage with my husband. The question is to stay working abroad and be comfortable and divorce by distance or move back home or get my own apartment (closer to the kids, family and friends) and get through the divorce (but would require me to get another job in Canada). I just don't know about selling the real estate from abroad and being away from the kids may be better for them. They will not be caught in the cross fire, but they could accuse me of abandonment also. How am I going to do this? Can someone help me think? Kind of stuck....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Aren't your kids old enough to not be terribly affected by this? To understand that you're doing what you need to do (without getting into any details of your issues)?

Selling a property from a distance doesn't seem like it should be an issue either, especially if the properties are in sellable state. A good realtor will do most of the stuff you need, and all you'll have to do is sign the contracts and fax them back.

At the same time, if you're comfortable where you're at, and don't care about closing things down in Canada, why bother? Do your "self-renewal", get your head straightened out, and then decide what you want to do. If you don't do anything with your stuff back in Canada, you can chose to come back at that point, or sell in a year or whatever.

So what do YOU want to do? Your kids are old enough to deal with things, I'd hope. Your husband is not your concern anymore. So it's YOU time.

C


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Well PBear thank you for your reply. I am comfortable but in Canada a couple has to be legally seperated for a year before you can get a divorce. A couple can be legally seperated forever really and never get divorced unless one wants to get married. If I chose now than it can be requested from when I went abroad which was August 2010 and then I can be away from him until June 2011. I come back to Canada for the summers. (July and August). If I come back to Canada and then ask for a seperation the clock starts over again if I move into the house for 90 days or more. Another factor is his business is starting to flourish and it may be wiser to wait but it is getting so I can't wait I need to get away from him. The marriage is quite toxic. The problem is really I come back for summers and 2 weeks at Xmas so maybe when I come back I should get a place of my own in Canada but the problem with that is I need very short term rental....confusing you see


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Amanda,

First, I'm up in Canada too, and looking at a separation (for now). So yes, I'm familiar with some of the laws, unfortunately. 

I don't really see the confusion, honestly... Even if you want to come back to Canada for the summers, you still have options. As far as I know, you can still be "separated" even if you live in the same house. Check into the rules regarding that, but my understanding is that so long as there's no disagreement on the separation date, the couple can make up pretty much whatever date they like. Having things like separate bank accounts, taking your name off the utilities, etc can help prove a particular date if it becomes necessary.

Even if that's not the case, the months of July and August are only 60 days, so you're covered there. Or if you stayed in the cottage and he stayed in the house... Lots of options, especially if he'll work with you on that.

Like you said, a third option is a short term rental... Depending on where you're at, there may be plenty of sub-let or house sitting type arrangements that can be found. Free Kijiji Canada Classifieds | Free Ads | Petites Annonces Gratuites has lots in my area. Anywhere from a week to a year are common.

C


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

I guess my main concern is can I back date the seperation for August so that by June 2011 we would have been seperated for 10 months


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Best way to find out is to try. Go for the legal separation if you want to be divorced sooner rather than later. If you want to wait for his business to improve, then wait. 

Let's imagine you want to marry someone else and haven't started the paper work at all. That means what, an 18 month delay? Maybe 2 years? I guess I don't see what is wrong with that--marriage shouldn't be on an impulse, anyway. 

If you are living on a different continent, you are pretty "separated" anyway. I'd invite the kids to stay with you over a holiday--ask them what they would prefer, your return to Canada or a mom living in a gorgeous place they can visit. They might really like your new home! 

Why not give yourself until May to make the decision? You can always file and back date then, before returning to Canada.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I can't answer on the backdating issue, but my understanding is that you can put pretty much any date down that you like, so long as both parties agree to it. Will your husband fight it?

But keep in mind (again, my understanding only, not based on any legal knowledge) is that the date of separation determines the value of your assets. So if you're concerned about the value of his business increasing still, this may be a concern for you. 

You may want to talk to a lawyer about all this... You'll need one eventually anyway.

C


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