# He loves you soooo much!



## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

I am in no way complaining, just trying to see why I am told this on a regular basis. I hear this on average a few times a year (from different people). This weekend I heard it again. We were at a holiday party with mutual friends and one of the guys came up to talk to us, then he turns to me and says "he loves you sooo much!" Do they not see that the feeling between my husband and I is mutual? Do they think I don't know it? I don't appreciate it? I don't deserve it? just curious


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Just take it for what it is. Lot of people feel that your husband loves you a lot.

You should be thankful if anything.

Would you rather have people tell you "does your husband actually love you?"

And to answer your question. Ask your husband how often people go up to him and state "she loves you so much". If the answer is low or never, chances are high you are NOT giving people that kind of impression.

Also keep in mind that many people appreciate a MALE showing love in public and find it amazing (as most men don't show it much etc).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would say Thank you and carry on. It's not a negative thing for other people to notice how much your husband loves you. Much better than them saying "Gosh he treats her horribly" and snickering behind your back.

If it bothers you that much you could just tell them honestly that you already know and "don't you think I know?" but I think that probably won't go over well and they may see you as a bit of a scrooge and wonder why he loves you. Just saying.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

That is SO AWESOME when people say that! Count your blessings!


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Sometimes people just say things just to say it. They may not know you well but feel that they do because of how much your husband talks about you. That could be why they say that. Just smile & nod & plant your H a big kiss when they say it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Brandy905 said:


> I am in no way complaining, just trying to see why I am told this on a regular basis. I hear this on average a few times a year (from different people). This weekend I heard it again. We were at a holiday party with mutual friends and one of the guys came up to talk to us, then he turns to me and says "he loves you sooo much!" Do they not see that the feeling between my husband and I is mutual? Do they think I don't know it? I don't appreciate it? I don't deserve it? just curious


Women are always saying this to Mrs. Gus. She eats it up.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Brandy905 said:


> I am in no way complaining, just trying to see why I am told this on a regular basis. I hear this on average a few times a year (from different people). This weekend I heard it again. We were at a holiday party with mutual friends and one of the guys came up to talk to us, then he turns to me and says "he loves you sooo much!" Do they not see that the feeling between my husband and I is mutual? Do they think I don't know it? I don't appreciate it? I don't deserve it? just curious


Sadly, I think a lot of men take their wives for granted. Yours does not seem to. I would just feel grateful for it, OP.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Brandy905 said:


> I am in no way complaining, just trying to see why I am told this on a regular basis. I hear this on average a few times a year (from different people). This weekend I heard it again. We were at a holiday party with mutual friends and one of the guys came up to talk to us, then he turns to me and says "he loves you sooo much!" Do they not see that the feeling between my husband and I is mutual? Do they think I don't know it? I don't appreciate it? I don't deserve it? just curious


I'm not sure why you take this as a negative.

Your husband must speak very highly of you and with love. This is something that a lot of people don't do. You are blessed and people notice it.

I think that the right answer is.. "I know. And I love him a lot too. WE are blessed."


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

In most relationships and marriages the man loves the woman more than she loves him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Moops said:


> In most relationships and marriages the man loves the woman more than she loves him.


Moops, that is your biased opinion and not based in fact.

Geez


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Moops said:


> In most relationships and marriages the man loves the woman more than she loves him.


I can see why your avatar is George and no not for the Moops line.

OP enjoy it, don't stress the small stuff.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

Holland said:


> I can see why your avatar is George and no not for the Moops line.
> 
> OP enjoy it, don't stress the small stuff.


I've always identified with George.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Moops said:


> I've always identified with George.


That is sad actually. You do come across as having a big self esteem problem.


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## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

Moops said:


> In most relationships and marriages the man loves the woman more than she loves him.



On this point.. someone did tell me that the best relationships are ones in which the man loves the woman more than she loves him. There may be some truth to this.. any thoughts?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

ToothFairy said:


> On this point.. someone did tell me that the best relationships are ones in which the man loves the woman more than she loves him. There may be some truth to this.. any thoughts?


There was a thread on this recently.

My POV is that a relationship ebbs and flows and who loves who more or who should love who more is a very simplistic and childlike way of thinking.

For me there has to be more than love anyway, such as respect, desire and lots of like. On any given day this can change with who has the monopoly on any of these feelings, emotions. Recently I wanted to hit Mr H upside the head, my like was diminishing but all the other things like love, desire etc took over and even though he was the one I was pissed with I still wanted him to give me a big hug.

At any one time in our relationship we may well love each other equally or unequally and it will change at times. To me this is healthier than one person (of either gender) loving the other in an unbalanced and unreciprocated way.

I have to love a man deeply and I need to be loved deeply, without that then there is no point. If I felt there was a huge imbalance then life itself would be unbalanced.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

ToothFairy said:


> On this point.. *someone did tell me that the best relationships are ones in which the man loves the woman more than she loves him.* There may be some truth to this.. any thoughts?


This is a common consensus among women, especially I think with the older generations. I've seen it been said lots of times.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Reminds me of a guy saying to another guy who was happily married, "you are sooo lucky to have her", while it may have been meant in a positive way, it implied imbalance, or that no effort was made to maintain the relationship, that it was all about luck, or that he couldn't win her on merit because he wasn't good enough, it must've been luck.

Anyway, just wanted to say I don't know why people choose to try to unbalance a couple that way, but I think considerate people don't do this, instead say things like, "you two are great together".

So you're not alone OP, there are people out here who feel that twang of something off in comments like that.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

breeze said:


> Reminds me of a guy saying to another guy who was happily married, "you are sooo lucky to have her", while it may have been meant in a positive way, it implied imbalance, or that no effort was made to maintain the relationship, that it was all about luck, or that he couldn't win her on merit because he wasn't good enough, it must've been luck.
> 
> Anyway, just wanted to say I don't know why people choose to try to unbalance a couple that way, but I think considerate people don't do this, instead say things like, "you two are great together".
> 
> So you're not alone OP, there are people out here who feel that twang of something off in comments like that.


Men are always told "You are lucky to have her". Women are never told "You are lucky to have him".

The woman is valued more in a relationship basicly.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Moops said:


> This is a common consensus among women, especially I think with the older generations. I've seen it been said lots of times.


I haven't seen any consensus among women regarding this anywhere. Just sounds like something someone made up and a few people ran with it, like a tonne of other rubbish opinions that are out there.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Moops said:


> Men are always told "You are lucky to have her". Women are never told "You are lucky to have him".
> 
> The woman is valued more in a relationship basicly.


What a load of rubbish, no really it is rubbish. 

Anyway just because I am a show off I will tell you that many times I have been told how lucky I am to have my amazing, wonderful Superman. Lucky because we are a perfect match. Lucky because he is just one of those guys that shines bright with love and confidence.

Oh and it doesn't hurt that he came to my work last week with a bunch of flowers to cheer me up as my son had just left for overseas for 2 months. 

The woman is not more valued in a relationship, that is your little man talking inside your head and to quote George "my little man is an idiot".


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Holland said:


> I can see why your avatar is George and no not for the Moops line.
> 
> OP enjoy it, don't stress the small stuff.





Moops said:


> I've always identified with George.


"Can't stand ya!"

:lol:


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

Holland said:


> What a load of rubbish, no really it is rubbish.
> 
> Anyway just because I am a show off I will tell you that many times I have been told how lucky I am to have my amazing, wonderful Superman. Lucky because we are a perfect match. Lucky because he is just one of those guys that shines bright with love and confidence.
> 
> ...


Offcourse they are. You can see it in relationship dynamics all the time. The way people talk about relationships and view relationships, it's clearly the woman who is the prize. And the man is lucky to have won it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Moops said:


> Men are always told "You are lucky to have her". *Women are never told "You are lucky to have him"*.
> 
> The woman is valued more in a relationship basicly.


Gotta be honest with you Moops...with our friends, family.. I get more comments directed *at me* about how lucky I am to have the type of husband I have ... oh he gets them about being a lucky SOB, or asked how he snagged me -from the guys at work.. but the "to your face" comments ..come *more* from my woman friends.

It definitely goes both ways...and likewise I have made such comments to women to hold on to their good men, & spoken how touching something she might have shared was.... I have also said to men they have a KEEPER -in regards to their wives/ Gf's.....if something is spoken & you feel the blessed nature between them...why not, it's an encouraging thing to say!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Moops said:


> Men are always told "You are lucky to have her". Women are never told "You are lucky to have him".
> 
> The woman is valued more in a relationship basicly.


I've been told countless times I am lucky to have the husband I do. And it did make me feel like my value was less than his.

I mentioned this to one of my sisters one day. She told me that the woman is expected to do everything right in a relationship, but it is a huge deal if the man contributes. My sister is older, in her 50s, so that could be a generational difference, or perception.

But beyond that, moops, are you just not feeling valued in your relationship? I think you started a thread on that. Maybe I will go revisit it, so we don't threadjack.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> I've been told countless times I am lucky to have the husband I do. *And it did make me feel like my value was less than his.*


 I never felt this... would have never entered into my head... 



> But beyond that,* moops, are you just not feeling valued in your relationship? * I think you started a thread on that. Maybe I will go revisit it, so we don't threadjack.


 I am still wondering IF he is even married ?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I never felt this... would have never entered into my head...


You are more confident than I am. . And I felt like I was hearing it left and right, especially when the kids were younger. 

Dh helps a lot, plus works full-time. That seemed to blow people away. It's true that dh is just a very helpful person by nature, but he also really wanted the kids. Having a family was very important to him, so it makes sense that he would want to be involved.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Brandy905 said:


> I am in no way complaining, just trying to see why I am told this on a regular basis ... Do they not see that the feeling between my husband and I is mutual? Do they think I don't know it? I don't appreciate it? I don't deserve it? just curious


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

breeze said:


> Reminds me of a guy saying to another guy who was happily married, "you are sooo lucky to have her", while it may have been meant in a positive way, it implied imbalance, or that no effort was made to maintain the relationship, that it was all about luck, or that he couldn't win her on merit because he wasn't good enough, it must've been luck.
> 
> Anyway, just wanted to say I don't know why people choose to try to unbalance a couple that way...



I don't think it's even an attempt to unbalance the couple. A lot of people have trouble reconciling why other people have things that they want, but have never been able to capture or attain.

I liken it to people with very attractive, fit bodies. They often hear "wow, you're so lucky to have a body like that". What they often miss out is that most people with above average looking bodies are busting their ass, in the gym, and consistently watching their diet, to look like that. It's easier to think that the person lives just like them, but magically stays fit and lean from "luck". Because a lot of people don't want to look in the mirror and discover what part they play in NOT having their heart's desires.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I used to hear from people all the time how lucky I was, what a great guy my husband was, that he loved me soooo much, that we were so great together. I was always uncomfortable with it. In the final years of our marriage, when I began to really let myself see what kind of man I was married to, I began to also realize why those types of comments made me so uncomfortable. It was because I didn't feel all that lucky or even particularly loved. The comments just felt hollow and sort of icky. Because they weren't true.

OP, you are either way overthinking this, or the reason for your discomfort is something that you need to examine more closely. Do you feel he really loves you? If so, then accept the benign compliment as it was intended. If not, that's something you need to address within the marriage. Because your first thought when someone tells you your husband loves you so much should probably be "I know! Isn't he great!" rather than niggling disquiet.


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