# Shock of my life



## discarded1975 (Oct 2, 2011)

I posted the first time the other day after I was lulled into a false sense of security by my H of nearly 17 years. He told me we were on the road to recovery and that we were going to be getting back together after 5 months of separation.I talked in my other thread about this OW.He talked so much crap about her.Told me he ticked her off and chased her off for good after telling her he wasn't "into fat chicks"...blah blah blah...
When we first separated,he was living at his brother's house up the street where his mother also lives in a basement bedroom.After about 8 weeks,his brother gave him the "you don't have to go home but you can't stay here" speech.He talked then of going to stay with a married couple that are mutual friends of ours.They have their hands full with 2 small sons and the man's dependent elderly mother living with them.I wanted my H to come home then as I knew the wretched pink haired freak he called a friend was stalking her prey and going in for the kill.He got me to agree we weren't ready and said he was going to stay with a coworker.I bought it lock stock and barrel.
Today I discovered someone had tried to hack my FB account.It required me to disclose a second email to confirm identity and I chose to use an old email we shared that I thought had gone unused in a least a year.I opened the email thinking it would have 5000 messages...not so much.I noticed there was 1 sent email.It was dated from Aug 15th.It was titled "Clearing my head". He wrote her an email back in August talking about how he was torn between his family and her.He told her then that taking her up on her offer to live with her was morally wrong and how he was so vulnerable because he loves me and his kids.He spoke of how he knew that all the affection,sweet talk,and attention would not last long and how he needed to go home to his family.He acknowledged he barely knew her and that his wife and children are most important.This last Thursday,we had counseling as we have had for months.He claimed still to be living with the coworker,but I knew all along he had been staying with her deep down.She preyed on his vulnerability and he fell for the BS she fed him like candy.
I reacted badly needless to say,and started my campaign of telling him this is unacceptable.I demanded his immediate return.I called and texted her and got minimal response.She knows she's a home wrecking tramp and is guilty.
He doesn't seem to think I have any power or right to destroy them both.He always had a problem with expecting respect while giving none.He warned me that if I didn't stop being "pushy" that he would not talk to me at all and I needed to stop bothering her.I worked tonight for a few hours and told him by text I would contact him when I got home.I did just that.He had his phone off.I left voicemails telling him I was home and that he has had enough time to get his story straight and that after 20 years together,17 years of marriage and 3 kids he owed me this talk.He owes me the truth.
What do I do now?I am a 36 year old waitress who blew off my lifelong dream of college to be a married mother.I have nothing.No savings,no education other than a high school diploma,and no recourse.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Well...you can get alimony...you work, so I would start with a free lawyer. Sounds to me that he wants his cake and to eat it too...and you can also go back to college being a single mother there are programs for you out there..you just have to start looking...
If you have family I would start asking if you could go stay with them...you can also go down to children and family govt places and get all you can...start working on getting out....
Sorry you have to go through this...when the spouces are in these affairs they are only thinking of one thing...THEMSELVES...you need to think of yourself and your children, if there are any at home...
Tomorrow is Monday all the gov't offices will be open....I would start there...


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Until the affair ends via consequences that make it not so pretty, he will not commit to monogamy with you.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Oh I am sorry. I am glad that you decided to verify though!
You see he will lie straight to your face. He has very little if any respect for you at the moment and while he owes you the truth. You aren't going to get it.
The email you found means he is wavering. 

Prepare for divorce.He needs to see the consequences of his actions. 

Go dark. Do not contact him in any way about anything other than money and the kids.
Do not text.
Do not email
Do not phone.
Do not offer him ANY support . He is relying on the fact that you love him and he thinks he can have it all.

He will not be allowed to walk away from you and the kids. He is in dream land right now and things he can walk hand in hand off into the sunset with the OW.

You MUST protect yourself. 
Work out a weekly amount of money that you need to support the kids. I know there is nothing left over for him . Not your problem. 

Sorry your back. 
HE WILL LIE TO YOU.


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