# % chance WS and OM will have long term relationship?



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

_Please, no "Why do you care?" responses!
Also, if you can cite a source, that's appreciated.  _

Two cheaters are coming together to live. My wife will be 34 and soon twice divorced and if we divorce. 

WW recently left for OM and now they are living together. Affair was secret for 6-7 months, then D-Day, and now we are 4 months past D-Day. 

She and I have two young children and they are staying with her for 2 months while I travel. 

Background: My wife was married before (7 years) and had a six month PA but did not leave husband. She eventually left her husband for me rather quickly. We have been together 7 years until now. OM was in marriage for 12 years but had 3 year affair a few years ago. Marriage lost vitality after that and his ex has already moved on with new guy since finding out this summer about OM's affair with my wife. OM also had a previous affair when single with a married woman. 

So what are the chances they stay together for 1 year, 2 years, 7 years, a liftetime? Of course, wife feels like she is "deeply in love" even though she regrets destruction of her marriage with me. 

My wife's father married his OW when my wife was a child. So I think she uses this as the model that it will "work" between her and OM. And if not, oh well she feels like she needed to take this chance. Yes, it's all about her apparently.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Simple stats that are published in various places are from 3 to 7 percent chance of them staying together (barring that violence or abuse was presence in the previous relationship). But with both cheating on relationships in the past that percentage goes down - way down.

I think one or both will be cheating within 2 years of being together maybe sooner.


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Were you the OM in her last marriage? If so, looks like it could last 7 years or so.


----------



## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> I think one or both will be cheating within 2 years of being together maybe sooner.


More likely the relationships won't even get that far, they'll find that they aren't compatible and then they will cheat on their *next* mate.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

It will last for another 7 yrs. After that she will get that tingling in her a$$ and will find another OM to marry. Her history says this not any other source.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

But they're "deeply in love" and "communicate really well"! Surely that must raise the odds ;-)

And the astrologer told her the OM will be with a woman with 2 kids and that I (the husband) needed "to go find myself". 

These must be signs!


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

staystrong said:


> _Please, no "Why do you care?" responses!
> Also, if you can cite a source, that's appreciated.  _
> 
> Two cheaters are coming together to live. My wife will be 34 and soon twice divorced and *if we divorce. *
> ...


:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Divorce issues have more to do with the fact that we are an international couple. It's complicated at the moment. 

Plus, the astrologer also told her that we would be "separated, not divorced." So how can I fight fate?!!


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

staystrong said:


> But they're "deeply in love" and "communicate really well"! Surely that must raise the odds ;-)
> 
> And the astrologer told her the OM will be with a woman with 2 kids and that *I (the husband) needed "to go find myself"*.
> 
> These must be signs!


Astrologer is right about this. Do it.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

staystrong said:


> Divorce issues have more to do with the fact that we are an international couple. It's complicated at the moment.
> 
> Plus, *the astrologer also told her that we would be "separated, not divorced." So how can I fight fate?*!!


Astrologer dosnt decide your fate, you are the person to decide what you wanted to be. Whether a cuckold husband or a man with self respect, its your choice.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

> Astrologer is right about this. Do it.


If you mean "find myself" as in my identity separate from our couple, yes that's true and that's why I went on travel for 2 months. 

However, I was quite happy in the relationship and with myself in the grand scheme of things. The whole "he needs to find himself" from astrologer is just another silly justification of course for wayward's actions. Do they really believe this stuff? The book my wife gave to OM was "The Secret". I'm thinking more and more my wife is going through a MLC or QLC.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

> Whether a cuckold husband or a man with self respect, its your choice.


The marriage is a legal formality at this point. Clearly we are not married in any real sense of the word, so therefore no cuckolding here. Do I still want an R? Yeah, for my own reasons, but that would require some sort of miracle change in being on her part.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

My only experience with a wayward spouse's relationship success is my ex wife. Since we split just over two years ago, she has gone through four guys who were said to have a lot more to offer than me and she was saying she was going to marry two of them.
(don't know just where they failed to measure)


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Thanks for all the responses. They are varied but everyone seems to think it won't last longer than her previous relationships. 

I wonder how existing children factors into the survivability of a relationship which stems from an affair...


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

@hookares

Wow. That's... wow. Do you have kids with her?


----------



## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

What goes around comes around I guess...


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

staystrong said:


> But they're "deeply in love" and "communicate really well"! Surely that must raise the odds ;-)
> 
> And the astrologer told her the OM will be with a woman with 2 kids and that I (the husband) needed "to go find myself".
> 
> These must be signs!


Yes. The sign is Barlett and Sons: Family Law. And the place you find yourself is 'Family Court'.


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

*womansavers.com/infidelity-statistics.asp*

"Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of "After the Affair," as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years.

A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee."


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

JCD, .. lol. Saw you on SkaterDad's thread. Good advice over there. 

ArmyofJuan, thanks. I have seen those stats before but I would love to know stats where people "stay together" as opposed to getting married. I assume it's a higher percentage. Anybody know?


----------

