# Hotwife



## Okiegirl808 (10 mo ago)

Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Role play it.
but there are probably many other kinky sex acts that would turn him on too, you just have to figure it out. Sounds like he wants YOU to be more dominant in the sex. Tie him up tonight, and see if that makes him horny


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


I agree with Talker… role play it if you want. Tell him what he wants to hear.

But _caution_ don’t let it turn into a real thing. Fantasies are best kept as fantasies if they involve a third person in the marriage bed.

Never let this come to reality. You’re already insecure and your H is living in fantasy land. It would end in disaster I think.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


You are not doing anything wrong. Has he always been this way or is it more recent? 

How long have you been married?

Does he watch porn?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This obsession comes from watching too much porn and fantasizing that it is you in the video but he’s not the ones doing you. The role playing can lead to a desire to do the real thing. Even you can start to desire other guys if you let your mind really go there. But it is more likely that he will want to push you to do it in real life. We have threads of both scenarios. More of the ladder of course. 

Soon you’ll get some who are into that lifestyle, tell you of their experiences. Personally I would never want to fantasize that my wife was with another man but if you’re both into it, I think indulging this fantasy occasionally may not be a big deal but it sounds like your husband is already obsessed so I would recommend that you ask him to cut the porn for a season.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

And another one. This is becoming more and more common. 

I'm curious, is he a very strong, leader, assertive alpha male or is he more of a softer beta male?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Okiegirl808 said:


> ..... what the hell i am doing wrong?


what ARE you doing to create new fantasies for him?
since he is into hotwifing, obviously he already has VERY kinky fantasies.

so, since hotwifing is a type of Dominance/submission power play, where the wife holds all the power, and the husband is the submissive....maybe do some very kinky sex stuff with that in mind, but something that does not entail you cheating with other men?

Some ideas:
pegging him
shibari rope bondage where you tie him up
spanking him
put him in a chastity cage and then sexually tease him
put a collar and leash on him, and have him follow you around the house.

those sort of things. If they massively turn him on....then you have found a safe release for all his kinky energy. Make it clear that you are NOT into hotwifing, and suggest his porn watching be spent on the above things instead, so he anticipates them with even more lust when you do them to him.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


Nothing. He has a problem not you.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> what ARE you doing to create new fantasies for him?
> since he is into hotwifing, obviously he already has VERY kinky fantasies.
> 
> so, since hotwifing is a type of Dominance/submission power play, where the wife holds all the power, and the husband is the submissive....maybe do some very kinky sex stuff with that in mind, but something that does not entail you cheating with other men?
> ...


You forgot the main part.

Have sex with other men and fulfill his hotwife fantasy.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Okiegirl808 said:


> what the hell i am doing wrong?


And this is an important point here… You are doing nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong.

It will be wrong, however, if he shares his fantasy with you and you don’t communicate and work with him about how this goes. For example if you just ignore it…that would be wrong.

Talk to him, see if there’s a way you two can find a happy middle ground. Maybe it’s not this fantasy, maybe it’s something else. Maybe you role play or whatever. Maybe you agree to do nothing. Just don’t ignore him now that he’s told you. And don’t blame yourself… nothing here is your fault.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Nothing. You're not the problem, he is.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Fast forward to a guy coming on here to post that he talked his wife into sleeping with other men as a hotwife fantasy and now he's mad at her for going through with it. 🙄


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When wives become hot, their heat, soon goes out of the window.
Their heat, their heart, goes out the window, into other beds, into other's arms.
Into other's arms that do not dare, share.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


Only by that one? He is not very imaginative. I suggest replacing him with a better, more fanciful model.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Is it the generous man, who shares her freely, that loves his wife, the more?
Or, is it the selfish man who holds her very tight, and hoards her, keeping her safely away from the wolves?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A lady's vagina was built primarily for sex and birthing.

The rest of her was made to have and hold, to love and to safe keep.

There is no means to physically separate the two, nor is there any loving rationale for doing so.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Sounds like you have another so called "modern male" on your hands. Dump him


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Those men who live on the surface, see no depth in marriage to a lady.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A man living in a fantasy, and loving it, will soon live alone in that fantasy.
Since he is not present in reality, he is absent in life.

No woman can long-love a ghost, a phantasm.

A fantasy creator can only willingly put one living thing in it, himself.
Any others present are wishful spirits.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


You're doing nothing wrong at all. It's all him. You married a less than a man, that's the problem. Real men do not fantasize about their woman being a hot wife. That's a genetically inferior dude, a dude that shouldn't procreate, so as to not pass on those kind of genes.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> You're doing nothing wrong at all. It's all him. You married a less than a man, that's the problem. Real men do not fantasize about their woman being a hot wife. That's a genetically inferior dude, a dude that shouldn't procreate, so as to not pass on those kind of genes.


Being a **** is literally being the ultimate beta. He saying, I'm not worthy of having sex with this woman. I need a superior male to have sex with her.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Walk in the room in a leather dominatrix body suit with whip in hand. Look at him, say strip and get on the bed. Your hot wife is here 😘


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Sounds like you have another so called "modern male" on your hands. Dump him


Tis' porn sickness, that all-day, 'morning wood' malady, it is.

We learn from what we see, memorize what we yearn.

Addictions are incipient and controlling, as are those off-shoot, feel-good, brain chemicals.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It’s like the flood gates have broken. Relationship dynamics are going to hell on a speeding train.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


The only thing you did wrong is marry this guy but you probably had no idea. He wants to be married to a porn star not have sex with his wife.

He grew up watching porn and so his fantasy is more about other people having sex then him having sex. His dream is to be married to a porn star, not even have sex with a porn star. He is broken. Maybe he can get help but don't participate in his brokenness.

Stories like this make me sad and angry at the same time. First of all there are lots of men who would cherish your sexuality and want to save it for his own, because they understand that is something they can bond with you and that will bring you close together like nothing else. But I am pissed because so many young men are pathetic. They don't even seem like men to me.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


That's the porn talking. Just be real assumptive with him and tell him straight out to lay off the damn porn already. I think porn has messed up a lot of marriages in one way or another.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

OP,

WHY do you think or say you've done anything wrong?


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## GG1061 (Apr 20, 2021)

If he's watching porn he needs to stop. This has deeply affected his mind and like an alcoholic/addict it will take a lot of work to reverse and total abstinence from porn is required. On your side you need to be emphatic you will not share your body with anyone else and his insistence that you do will be cause for you to end the marriage. At the heart of it he is asking for an open marriage with a twist of emasculation. Give in to this and he will need stronger stimulation in the future, think multiple men at the same time. Giving in even a little will bring disastrous results. You need to decide if a man who disrespects himself and wants to ***** out his wife is the kind of man you want as a husband. There are women who love the hotwife lifestyle but since you are posting here it doesn't seem like you are one of them.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Okiegirl808 said:


> Husband only turned on by hotwife fantasy- what the hell i am doing wrong?


I think that you have gotten some good advice or at least options to consider.

You have done nothing wrong. You need to repeat that and really come to understand that you have done nothing wrong.

A hot wife fantasy is kind of an extreme 3-some fantasy which may involve lots of power exchange. 3-somes are a fairly common fantasy. Hotwife/cuckold fantasies are less common, but not unheard of.

May I suggest that you google Yes/No/Maybe lists and find one that you are comfortable with. Print out two copies, have you husband fill one out and you fill one out. That will at least get you discussing some things that he may want and you may be willing to try as alternatives.

You should also take a step back and recognize that it took a lot of "courage" for him to tell you about his fantasy. No matter how repugnant it is to you, you should not belittle him or shame him for sharing his deepest darkest sexual desires with you, his wife. Let him know that you appreciate his courage and his honesty in bringing up the subject. Tell him that you have some sexual and marriage relationship boundary issues but that because you love him you want to continue talking to figure out if there isn't some way either through role playing or doing other things that might satisfy some of what he is secretly wanting without violating your personal boundaries.

I would suggest you watch a TED Talk on Monogomish, by O'Reilly. How to have monogamy but thoughts, but not actions Now instead of the example of two women, the role playing could be another many. Note how during her discussion she talks about boundaries is included after the roleplaying fantasy is over. Thoughts but not action, and no touch. One of the things, I don't like about what she suggests is embarking down a slippery slope. You really need to share you personal sexual boundaries. But even if you do that, you still may be able to share some elements of his fantasy. My boundaries are at involving a 3rd person into a marriage. 

One problem may have is the fear and shame associated with sharing hidden feelings about taboo subjects with someone whose respect is very important to them. If you can both take without judging each other, and have both listened to the TED talk, you might be able to split his "hot wifing" fantasy into parts. One part might be jealousy. Another part might be seeing you being an exhibitionist. Another part might be viewing your sexuality as different than he now views it. Still another might be a voyeurism thrill he gets. Still another part could be his being submissive to you and to your sex drive.

In Dr. David Schnarch's book the Passionate Marriage he talks about how if you look at most sexual or sexual related acts in the abstract they seem revolting. In real life people learn to get comfortable with them in parts until they feel they own the parts and can put them together. For example, if you look at French kissing. Ick. Sharing saliva with someone else? The germs the smells, tastes, etc. However, kisses gradually include opening of lips and exploring of tongues. After you are use to french kissing someone, not doing so is more like kissing a sister or brother, then kissing a lover. Same with blowjobs and sexual intercourse, in your maturing and sexual exploration, you do things in steps.

Let's say you want to explore some of these hot wife aspects separately. Jealously, could be addressed by seeing you flirt with someone else in public, with no touching or violating boundaries going on. And/or his voyeurism might be addressed by the two of you watching some swinger or MFM threesome porn together, where afterwards you role play some of the parts you saw together in bed. If submissive to your sex drive is part of what he wants, maybe you could role play that by once a month or every other month, going all dominatrix on him and turning him into your sex slave for a weekend. Depending on what he wants (and your boundaries) you could add some humiliation, some verbal creating of visualization, pretend to force him to have sloppy seconds or reclaim you as you come home from a date, whatever. 

The point is you don't have do the whole hot wife fanatsy for real with other men. You can keep it mental without violating your boundaries, and you can stick your toe in the water, by trying bits and pieces of it until you both have a set of bits and pieces you don't feel uncomfortable with and can string together for a more complete role playing adventure. Or you can find some other things that is an alternate kink of his and yours.

Good luck. Again, there is nothing wrong with you. It has nothing to do with you. You should be greatful he trusts you enough to open up some of his really deepest darkest secrets to you. That means his trust and respect for you exceeds his shame and fear to expose such things. Hopefully, you can be gentle with those admissions on his part and not hold them against him or make you view him as disgusting.

If all else fails set up some sessions with a marriage counselor that is a board certified sex therapist. They will not be a bit surprised by this at all.

Good luck.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Mybabysgotit said:


> That's the porn talking. Just be real assumptive with him and tell him straight out to lay off the damn porn already. I think porn has messed up a lot of marriages in one way or another.


Men like OP's husband have existed since the beginnings of time. You actually can read about them in ancient literature. It's not a matter of just porn, it's pretty much also a matter of their genetic makeup. 

You can have a man that has never seen, nor know about porn, and still would indulge in the desire of seeing his wife being taken by other males. 
Is a condition as old as man. That's way we have names for it.

My take on it is genetic. Mother Nature's way of weeding the undesirable genes. Because before the advent of contraceptives, chances were that the man getting the woman pregnant was indeed not the husband, thus, the dude not passing on his genes.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Rob_1 said:


> My take on it is genetic. Mother Nature's way of weeding the undesirable genes. Because before the advent of contraceptives, chances were that the man getting the woman pregnant was indeed not the husband, thus, the dude not passing on his genes.
> [/QUOT


Ouch!!...I think you just said her husband has undesirable genes. Sucks for the kiddos.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

In your situation I would tell him " OK let's do this! I'll be your hot wife! First chance I get I am replacing your a$$ with the 1st guy I like with a bigger ****!


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