# Should you be able to sue the other affair partner



## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

One poster, I thnk it was CJ9947 or whatever his name is tried to flush his wifes affair partner out but with no success until he sued the AP for the cost of the STD test he felt he was forced to take.

He won and the tossser cried and blubbed in court, that's when you realise what shet these people are.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Might want to post/put this in the Infidelity Secion.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Can I do that now I have put it on here.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Yep, just pm a mod and they will do it for you.

Amplexor is usually around.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Sorry am new to this and rubbish, Don't no how to do it..


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

In NC you can still sue for "alienation of affection". You do have to prove that there was no threat of divorce prior to the affair, and of course prove the affair occurred and that the spouse left the spouse for the affair partner. 

Google it for your state.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

No you are not....I think I sure as the hell should be able to the perons that stepped foot into my marriage without my permission. If you are too stupid to think about the consequences of your actions, then you deserve to pay the price. That goes for the WS also.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Yes I think its so wrong how other people can hurt you so bad and get away with it.
And I live in England and you cannot do a single thing about it. ..


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Nope.

That's a slippery slope better left alone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

SusieWoo:

I'm sure you're not alone, but you sure DON'T HAVE MY VOTE! [Note: I will talk about men, but include women in EVERYTHING I have to say.]
Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you No, I submit they are 100% to blame for betraying you! but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!

Ditto for a cheater. If he wasn't banging Alice, he would move on to Susie, Amy, Juanita, Darla, etc. until he found SOMEONE willing! His INTENT is to cheat; the actual person with whom he's cheating is IMMATERIAL...she is a random person in the equation that does not change cheater's original intention...to cheat on you. 

Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family Wow, *that* is a big ASSUMPTION on YOUR part...do you think cheaters don't LIE (I'm single/separated/divorced/widowed). Yeah, they're SO trustworthy! They're lying to you, the spouse, why wouldn't they be lying to affair partner? Not ALL of the time, but enough that *I* wouldn't feel comfortable saying MOST of the AP's 'knew' about the wife/kids. but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO...just like they're not obligated to pull you from a burning car, although they know you're going to be hurt; or stop you from stepping in front of a bus. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life Yeah, because these people have no families, no friends who are aware of what they do; there is no judgement made on them, they have no emotional issues....they just pirouette through life with nary a care/problem in the world. Just because YOU don't see them being spit-on and despised and shunned in public, does not mean their life is all rosy. (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find *THAT* statement offensive! or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose a lot of people wouldn't like that because they'd lose his income while he's in jail. They want to see SOMEONE suffer, as long as it doesn't put any more mess on the family that's already been screwed over. I understand that...but it isn't fair, it isn't logical to not punish him FIRST AND FOREMOST.I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I. I'm sure you're not! I just thought you should see how your suggestion sounds to people who have NOT been cheated on!

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Slowlygettingwiser 
I am a betrayed spouse and I agree with you 100% on everything you typed up. I had something similar in my head when I read this earlier but had no time to respond. I don't blame my stbxh's affair partner one bit. My husband made vows to be faithful and he broke those vows not the ugly little hobbit he cheated with.

I think the op has a great deal of misplaced blame and isn't thinking logically.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First off, what are you going to "sue" them for? Your spouse is the one that made the decision to cheat on you. If anyone made a decision to wreck your marriage and financially destroy your family, you should be talking to them. In terms of punishing them, go ahead and publicly out them as much as you like, if you feel the need for revenge. 

Second, as someone who cheated, I can say that in my situation (if no-one else's), it was a case of "if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else". Yes, my affair partners knew that I was married and had kids. But it was ENTIRELY my decision to seek someone out. They didn't encourage me to cheat in any way.

So yes, I disagree with the suing an affair partner. Take it out on your spouse. They're the only ones that promised you anything.

C


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

SusieWoo:

I'm sure you're not alone, but you sure DON'T HAVE MY VOTE! [Note: I will talk about men, but include women in EVERYTHING I have to say.]

_Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you No,_

I submit they are 100% to blame for betraying you!

*I agree!!*

but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. 

I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!

*I agree agian. But in this scenario that have a partner in crime. And majority of the time they know that the AP is married.*

Ditto for a cheater. If he wasn't banging Alice, he would move on to Susie, Amy, Juanita, Darla, etc. until he found SOMEONE willing! His INTENT is to cheat; the actual person with whom he's cheating is IMMATERIAL...she is a random person in the equation that does not change cheater's original intention...to cheat on you. 

*And I call bull crap on this one. Unless the AP is unaware of their partner's status then they are just as much to blame. If it was not for the willing participant he would not be able to pull off the crime.*

Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family 

Wow, *that* is a big ASSUMPTION on YOUR part...do you think cheaters don't LIE (I'm single/separated/divorced/widowed). Yeah, they're SO trustworthy! They're lying to you, the spouse, why wouldn't they be lying to affair partner? Not ALL of the time, but enough that *I* wouldn't feel comfortable saying MOST of the AP's 'knew' about the wife/kids.

*I have been on many pro and anti affair websites and I will tell the at 90% of the women/men knew either prior or during the affiar that their partner was married and/or had kids.*

but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. 

Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO. 

*Because it is being called a human with a sense of morality. They may not know the BS and/or their children, but we are not put on earth to cause harm to someone just because we do not know them. And yes he/she made vows and they should be respected not only by the WS but society as well. * 

just like they're not obligated to pull you from a burning car, although they know you're going to be hurt; or stop you from stepping in front of a bus.

*And that is the difference between a hero and a coward.*

After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life 

Yeah, because these people have no families, no friends who are aware of what they do; there is no judgement made on them, they have no emotional issues....they just pirouette through life with nary a care/problem in the world. Just because YOU don't see them being spit-on and despised and shunned in public, does not mean their life is all rosy. 

*And their emotional issues are no reason to inflict pain on a random stranger. And I am sorry to say that if an OW/MOW/MOM/OM is unwilling to feel guilty or sorry for their actions then the deserve to be shunned and despised.*

(which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them.

Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution. 

*Let me set you straight a w**** or prostitute at least has the brain to get paid. Not just laid for attention. That is called a s***.*

You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find 

*THAT* statement offensive! 

*Yet TRUE*

or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing

How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!

*I would be happy if all states took into consideration adultery in a divorce. I put it on both the WS and their knowing AP.*

....Seems a bit sad to me. 

I suppose a lot of people wouldn't like that because they'd lose his income while he's in jail. They want to see SOMEONE suffer, as long as it doesn't put any more mess on the family that's already been screwed over. I understand that...but it isn't fair, it isn't logical to not punish him FIRST AND FOREMOST.

*I would punish both equally. Hence the fault in divorce and being able to sue for alienation of affection.*

I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I. 

I'm sure you're not! I just thought you should see how your suggestion sounds to people who have NOT been cheated on!

*While you are entiltled to your opinion, you have no personal experience to back up your convictions.*

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions. 

*Actually the suit is not brought by the AP. It is brought the BS in order to tell the AP to back the hell off and not to even think about doing it to another person. Nobody is saying that the WS is not responsible for their own actions, just that their AP is just as responsible for the fallout.*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In my case, it is more than apparent that my STBXW led these "other men" from her past on, greatly judging by her FB postings to them.

From that perspective, there is absolutely nothing, I'm afraid, that would be in the cards for me as the BS, with respect to this!


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Underwater thank you for your comments I agree..

And slowlygettingwiser I am afraid you are not very wise and I only hope it never happens to you because until it does you haven't got a clue. Especially when I no who the ow was and you don't.. And they could throw my husbands ass in jail for me would serve him right for breaking a family of 32 years up for the sake of a shag with a slag...And yes the woman was and still is a slag and is now seeing another married man.........And I never said I didn't Blame my husband in fact I never said it was about me at all I was just stating the facts..


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> SusieWoo:
> 
> I'm sure you're not alone, but you sure DON'T HAVE MY VOTE! [Note: I will talk about men, but include women in EVERYTHING I have to say.]
> Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you No, I submit they are 100% to blame for betraying you! but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!
> ...



You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find *THAT* statement offensive! why do you find that offensive its the truth..
Sorry I find another woman sleeping with my husband offensive.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

This is an interesting thread - lot's of different ways to view this.

Your WS would have to be part of the suit of course. Unless you just sue the AP and then the AP would have to countersue the WS. 

Then there would be all sorts of "defenses". Emotional abuse. Alleged infidelity on the other side. etc, etc.

First you would have to prove the affair happened, then prove that the affair caused you harm.

I guess it opens up a can of worms which is why it's not common.

Another avenue might be to have the WS and AP charged with abuse. Emotional abuse. Again - probably opens up a can of worms...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I personally don't think so. I was a BS in my first marriage. I picked myself up and moved on. I couldn't ask for a better husband then what I have now. I'm extremely grateful for how everything turned out. I'm even more grateful I never have to speak to my ex h ever again.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I personally don't think so. I was a BS in my first marriage. I picked myself up and moved on. I couldn't ask for a better husband then what I have now. I'm extremely grateful for how everything turned out. I'm even more grateful I never have to speak to my ex h ever again.





Have you got no children to you first husband, and how long was you with him. I am glad you are happy and have moved on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

susie woo said:


> Yes I think its so wrong how other people can hurt you so bad and get away with it.
> And I live in England and you cannot do a single thing about it. ..


Can't even tell your story to the News of the World, now!

If you really want to expose them, there might be ways to do this.pm me if you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I don't know what it's like in the UK, but you can sue for a lot of things in the US. Did the slag harass you, defame you, inflict emotional cruelty, siphon family funds, etc.?

Sometimes the lawsuit itself is enough to have a desired effect. 

Ask a barrister (is that what they call them there?).


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Sorry, MrsOldNews!

I did NOT know! 

I don't visit the CWI forums...this post moved here from another board I *do* visit!

*HUGS* from across town (over near the satellite campus DUE EAST)...if you know WHERE I mean!

*HUGS*


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. 

I liken it to someone who shoots another person INTENDING to kill them. In scenario A: by some miracle, the victim survives. In scenario B: the victim dies. Should the shooter in scenario A serve less time, be punished less severely merely because his victim happened to survive? I say NO! THE INTENTION WAS THE SAME!

I agree agian. But in this scenario that have a partner in crime. And majority of the time they know that the AP is married. And they make their OWN decisions, over their OWN actions based on THEIR PERSONAL CODE...not YOURS, not MINE, not cheating spouse's.

Ditto for a cheater. If he wasn't banging Alice, he would move on to Susie, Amy, Juanita, Darla, etc. until he found SOMEONE willing! His INTENT is to cheat; the actual person with whom he's cheating is IMMATERIAL...she is a random person in the equation that does not change cheater's original intention...to cheat on you. 

And I call bull crap on this one. Unless the AP is unaware of their partner's status then they are just as much to blame. If it was not for the willing participant he would not be able to pull off the crime. I don't see it as a "crime". It is a MORAL choice, a bad moral choice in MY OPINION. YOU don't get to decide EVERYBODY ELSE'S moral code any more than I do. I can go around telling everybody that *I* think that anybody who gets a divorce FOR ANY REASON is a "sinner/criminal/morally corrupt person/whatever". That is MY OPINION (I don't believe that, but that's not the point.). But I don't get to foist it off on everyone else as TRUTH. It is MY TRUTH, but ONLY MY TRUTH, only valid for ME. You believe that the AP is a criminal, a morally corrupt person, and I GET THAT. But, it doesn't change the fact that it is STILL ONLY *YOUR* opinion. 

Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family 

Wow, *that* is a big ASSUMPTION on YOUR part...do you think cheaters don't LIE (I'm single/separated/divorced/widowed). Yeah, they're SO trustworthy! They're lying to you, the spouse, why wouldn't they be lying to affair partner? Not ALL of the time, but enough that *I* wouldn't feel comfortable saying MOST of the AP's 'knew' about the wife/kids.

I have been on many pro and anti affair websites and I will tell the at 90% of the women/men knew either prior or during the affiar that their partner was married and/or had kids. I stand on *MY* OPINION that they owe spouse/children NOTHING.

but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. 

Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO. 

Because it is being called a human with a sense of morality. You can't legislate morality! That's why there are wars...because people can't agree on what EXACTLY is morally allowable, morally reprehensible, morally ANYTHING. Different people, different cultures, different beliefs, different circumstances, different everything! Who gets to decide what IS/ISN'T "MORAL" here or anywhere. They may not know the BS and/or their children, but we are not put on earth to cause harm to someone just because we do not know them. What about people who don't believe in God/Heaven/Hell. Why would/should they care? And yes he/she made vows and they should be respected not only by the WS but society as well. Then society should forbid ALL divorces? If we agree that marriage is good and divorce is bad, then we should outlaw ALL divorce for any reason, force people to STAY MARRIED, and just institute MANDATORY counseling.
just like they're not obligated to pull you from a burning car, although they know you're going to be hurt; or stop you from stepping in front of a bus.

And that is the difference between a hero and a coward. So? You can't legislate heroism, either.

After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life 

Yeah, because these people have no families, no friends who are aware of what they do; there is no judgement made on them, they have no emotional issues....they just pirouette through life with nary a care/problem in the world. Just because YOU don't see them being spit-on and despised and shunned in public, does not mean their life is all rosy. 

And their emotional issues are no reason to inflict pain on a random stranger. And I am sorry to say that if an OW/MOW/MOM/OM is unwilling to feel guilty or sorry for their actions then the deserve to be shunned and despised. And what are you proposing for the CHEATING SPOUSE? Scarlet letter? Loss of employment? Public shunning? Ostracism (w/ or w/o family to somewhere else where their behavior will not spread to the general populace?

(which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them.

Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution. 

Let me set you straight a w**** or prostitute at least has the brain to get paid. Not just laid for attention. That is called a s***.So, is it less offensive if WS PAYS someone for sex? Is that less hurtful somehow?

You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find 

*THAT* statement offensive! 

Yet TRUE I've never heard/read about someone who has sued for being touched 'a bit too friendly'. For being groped? Yes. Assaulted? Yes. But NEVER for touching that's a LITTLE TOO FRIENDLY. What would that make rape, over-enthusiastic approval of someone's looks?

or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing

How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!

I would be happy if all states took into consideration adultery in a divorce. I put it on both the WS and their knowing AP. Again, why not JAIL the cheater for commiting the "crime" of adultery against his/her spouse?

....Seems a bit sad to me. 

I suppose a lot of people wouldn't like that because they'd lose his income while he's in jail. They want to see SOMEONE suffer, as long as it doesn't put any more mess on the family that's already been screwed over. I understand that...but it isn't fair, it isn't logical to not punish him FIRST AND FOREMOST.

I would punish both equally. Hence the fault in divorce and being able to sue for alienation of affection.

I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I. 

I'm sure you're not! I just thought you should see how your suggestion sounds to people who have NOT been cheated on!

While you are entiltled to your opinion, you have no personal experience to back up your convictions. I don't need "personal experience" to have an opinion/convictions. If that were a necessity...to have PERSONAL EXPERIENCE before having an opinion or information, then who would man Suicide Prevention hotlines? Only people who've successfully committed suicide?

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions. 

Actually the suit is not brought by the AP. It is brought the BS in order to tell the AP to back the hell off and not to even think about doing it to another person. Nobody is saying that the WS is not responsible for their own actions, just that their AP is just as responsible for the fallout. And I still hold that the AP owes NOBODY ANYTHING. The only person who 'owes' you something in your marriage, is YOU and your SPOUSE. You made promises to each other and ONE OF YOU broke them. I have not noticed (at any wedding I've ever been to) the entire crowd (or the world for that matter) making ANY VOWS to either the bride or the groom promising THEM ANYTHING.

You and I will never agree on this, underwater2010, and that's alright with me. We have expressed our opinions, aired our views. That is the purpose of a forum; food for thought.

Thank you, sincerely, for commenting.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser


Hope you still fell this way if it happens to you, don't think you will, you will hate the pair of them. 
I always said if it happened to me I would divorce him straight away, When it happens to you things aren't so easily done as what they are said.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

PureLove said:


> Um I understand where you're coming from but why would you want someone to be punished by law for matters of the heart? Thank God there aren't any laws against cheaters and AP in America as far as I know. What's next, stoning? This isn't Afghanistan.


Well maybe there should be some deterrent then there wouldn't be as many broken families , and my husbands wasn't a matter of the heart it was meaningless shags with the what we now no as the town bike, wished he had, had wanted and loved her it would at least been worth all this heartache.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

staystrong said:


> I don't know what it's like in the UK, but you can sue for a lot of things in the US. Did the slag harass you, defame you, inflict emotional cruelty, siphon family funds, etc.?
> 
> Sometimes the lawsuit itself is enough to have a desired effect.
> 
> Ask a barrister (is that what they call them there?).


Good point Staystrong! 

Susie, sometimes a Solicitor's Letter will bring people to their senses.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

susie woo said:


> SlowlyGettingWiser
> 
> 
> Hope you still fell this way if it happens to you, don't think you will, you will hate the pair of them.
> I always said if it happened to me I would divorce him straight away, When it happens to you things aren't so easily done as what they are said.


Affairs can be forgiven. I forgave my wife, Susie.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Susie---you can sue the AP for, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress

Actually to really pile it on, file a seperate lawsuit for you, and for each one of your kids---as their lives are also going to be screwed up

Once you file---the AP, has ONE MONTH TO ANSWER, or take a DEFAULT---so if nothing else, they have to engage and pay for an atty., and pay all the filing fees, as they must file a seperate answer for each and every suit you file.

If you really wanna lay it in their---google the civil tort, read up on it---go on line, and learn how to file a complaint----file the complaint yourself, all the paperwork, is on line, it will cost you nothing but filing fees,, but the AP, is gonna get stuck for what I explained above

You can let the whole suit drop, or you can at that point engage an atty., and proceed forward, with your suit.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Hope you still fell this way if it happens to you, don't think you will, you will hate the pair of them.


I will. I've believed this for years. 

If it happens, I would be ANGRY, FURIOUS, HURT, EXPLOSIVE.

I would be all of those things at BOTH OF THEM, but I will know who bears the blame for effing up our marriage! The only other person responsible for our marriage besides me...my cheating spouse.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

jnj express said:


> Hey Susie---you can sue the AP for, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress
> 
> Actually to really pile it on, file a seperate lawsuit for you, and for each one of your kids---as their lives are also going to be screwed up
> 
> ...



Don't think you can do that in England, Plus this all happened a long time since but i found out 2 year since, the ow has told me my husband had a load of other women because i had the nerve to knock on her door when i found out. She went for me so i gave her it back, this is when she said the other woman thing. My husband went and asked her why she said it and she said because she was mad. He has asked her to talk to me or send me a letter and tell me the truth, and the truth of there relationship but she wont. I have been told he could sue her for deflation of character for lying saying he had other woman because I said i don't no who to believe now, she would have to prove who the other woman are.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

susie woo said:


> Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I.


I'm going to respond in a few ways.
First, as a former betrayed spouse, I'll respond emotionally and say HE!! yes, the affair partner should be held liable.
Second, legally, YES. The affair partner has interfered in a contract - much like a poacher would approach a valued member of a business and convinced them to leave their job to join the other company.
Third, morally, YES. It's just WRONG for a person to insert themselves into a marriage, with the attendant destruction that it will cause.
Finally, Fourth, socially, YES. Our courts are clogged with suits brought because a neighbor's dog won't quit barking, or with couples arguing over ownership of a car. Why is this more important than an interloper who assists in damaging a marriage?? Why is an affair treated with such a dismissive attitude by people who have never experienced its devastation? More suits are brought by small financial losses (which is one reason why we have small claims courts) than a suit brought to address the devastation of the moral, financial and social contract of marriage. 

Now. Having said all that: if you're going to sue for breach of your marital contract, your spouse should be served as well. 

Just my opinion.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I will. I've believed this for years.
> 
> If it happens, I would be ANGRY, FURIOUS, HURT, EXPLOSIVE.
> 
> I would be all of those things at BOTH OF THEM, but I will know who bears the blame for effing up our marriage! The only other person responsible for our marriage besides me...my cheating spouse.


Ok if you say so, Like I said ....... always said if it happened to me I would divorce him straight away, When it happens to you things aren't so easily done as what they are said .


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

committedwife said:


> I'm going to respond in a few ways.
> First, as a former betrayed spouse, I'll respond emotionally and say HE!! yes, the affair partner should be held liable.
> Second, legally, YES. The affair partner has interfered in a contract - much like a poacher would approach a valued member of a business and convinced them to leave their job to join the other company.
> Third, morally, YES. It's just WRONG for a person to insert themselves into a marriage, with the attendant destruction that it will cause.
> ...



Yep totally agree, my husbands lost everything and the thing he wanted most and that's me. 

:iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

susie woo said:


> Don't think you can do that in England, Plus this all happened a long time since but i found out 2 year since, the ow has told me my husband had a load of other women because i had the nerve to knock on her door when i found out. She went for me so i gave her it back, this is when she said the other woman thing. My husband went and asked her why she said it and she said because she was mad. He has asked her to talk to me or send me a letter and tell me the truth, and the truth of there relationship but she wont. I have been told he could sue her for deflation of character for lying saying he had other woman because I said i don't no who to believe now, she would have to prove who the other woman are.


To my surprise I just found out that the Tort of Intentionally Causing Emotional Distress does now exist in the UK.
What is Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress? - 2012 - Birmingham Solicitors Personal Injury Solicitor | Pearson Rowe

Not sure if it is applicable in the case of infidelity, but worth calling a solicitor about.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Um I understand where you're coming from but why would you want someone to be punished by law for matters of the heart? 

*Cheating is rather a matter of the heart. It is mainly a matter of lust....ie hormones and selfishness.*

Thank God there aren't any laws against cheaters and AP in America as far as I know. 

*Actually, in some states there are and that is what we are discussing. Which is why any person that enters into a relationship with a married person should think twice.*

What's next, stoning? 

*Nobody is suggesting that. And nobody in the right mind would want that.*

This isn't Afghanistan. 

*No it is not. But here is a thought....if it was she wouldn't have had a chance with my husband because she would have been dead already. The funny thing about America is you have the freedom of choice. But you should be ready to pay any consequences that come about because of the choices.*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> Um I understand where you're coming from but why would you want someone to be punished by law for matters of the heart?
> 
> *Cheating is rather a matter of the heart. It is mainly a matter of lust....ie hormones and selfishness.*
> 
> ...


You are correct. In some States cheaters (and other people advising someone to divorce) can be sued for Alienation of Affection Alienation of affections - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Vent away


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I'm wondering if the defendents (the WS and AP) could use "the fog" as a way to claim temporary insanity??


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

But in this scenario that have a partner in crime. And majority of the time they know that the AP is married. 

And they make their OWN decisions, over their OWN actions based on THEIR PERSONAL CODE...not YOURS, not MINE, not cheating spouse's.

*Well hell then....for craps and giggles my own personal code says that you should give me all your money, therefore I will rob you and you should not be able to charge me.*

I don't see it as a "crime". It is a MORAL choice, a bad moral choice in MY OPINION. YOU don't get to decide EVERYBODY ELSE'S moral code any more than I do. I can go around telling everybody that *I* think that anybody who gets a divorce FOR ANY REASON is a "sinner/criminal/morally corrupt person/whatever". That is MY OPINION (I don't believe that, but that's not the point.). But I don't get to foist it off on everyone else as TRUTH. It is MY TRUTH, but ONLY MY TRUTH, only valid for ME. You believe that the AP is a criminal, a morally corrupt person, and I GET THAT. But, it doesn't change the fact that it is STILL ONLY *YOUR* opinion. 

*And I can respect that you don't see it as a crime. But the basis for your opinion is that regardless of societies moral standards....if it feels good, then go for it if you don't think it is wrong. And just to clarify...I didn't say it was a criminal act, just that they should be able to be held accountable for the actions. No jail time or stoning, as someone mentioned, but monetarily liable.*

I have been on many pro and anti affair websites and I will tell the at 90% of the women/men knew either prior or during the affiar that their partner was married and/or had kids. 

I stand on *MY* OPINION that they owe spouse/children NOTHING.

*They take time and/or money away from a family and yet they own them nothing. Not even an apology? That, to me, is a sad outlook.*

but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. 

Why? To be BRUTALLY HONEST: they owe you and your children NOTHING! They did not promise to love/honor/cherish you...your SPOUSE did that. They are not OBLIGATED to look out for you and your children! It would be "nice" if they did, but they're not OBLIGATED TO. 

*Just wow. * 

Because it is being called a human with a sense of morality. 

You can't legislate morality! 

*Actually we can and we do it all the time. Our laws, in America, are based in morality. You cannot rape, murder, or rob. Our schools are based in morality and character. Our families are based in it. Just because some f'ed up people chose to live by their own "rules" does not make it right.*

That's why there are wars...because people can't agree on what EXACTLY is morally allowable, morally reprehensible, morally ANYTHING. 

*Thanks for the extreme. But we can go there. War are fought you are right due to morals. Human extermination, lack of respect for life, non equality, raping and maiming.*

They may not know the BS and/or their children, but we are not put on earth to cause harm to someone just because we do not know them. What about people who don't believe in God/Heaven/Hell. Why would/should they care? 

*I never said they should care. I don't care if they know the spouse or kids at all. I simply stated it is a lack of morality. You don't have to believe in God/Heaven/Hell to know what is right to do. * 

And yes he/she made vows and they should be respected not only by the WS but society as well. 

Then society should forbid ALL divorces? If we agree that marriage is good and divorce is bad, then we should outlaw ALL divorce for any reason, force people to STAY MARRIED, and just institute MANDATORY counseling.

*Some do and some don't. Do I think that all marriages should stay together....not once the vows are broken. The vows are to honor and cherish, above all others in sickness and health to death do us part....cheating and abuse are examples of breaking the vows. Short of abuse, some states require counseling and legal seperation prior to divorce.*

After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life 

And their emotional issues are no reason to inflict pain on a random stranger. And I am sorry to say that if an OW/MOW/MOM/OM is unwilling to feel guilty or sorry for their actions then the deserve to be shunned and despised. 


And what are you proposing for the CHEATING SPOUSE? Scarlet letter? Loss of employment? Public shunning? Ostracism (w/ or w/o family to somewhere else where their behavior will not spread to the general populace?

*The also live with the daily consequences of their actions. Wither divorce and loss of fulltime contact with their children, or living with a spouse that no longer trusts or respects them till their actions prove otherwise. And for a remourseful spouse their scarlet letter is worn on their soul. By the way....no one said cheating is contagious.*

(which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them.

Because they're gold-digging 'ho's; THAT is their profession. We don't have to LIKE it, but it exists...like prostitution. 

Let me set you straight a w**** or prostitute at least has the brain to get paid. Not just laid for attention. That is called a s***.

So, is it less offensive if WS PAYS someone for sex? Is that less hurtful somehow?

*Nope....but at least the women are a little smarter and don't get emotionally attached.*

You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly I find 

*THAT* statement offensive! 

Yet TRUE I've never heard/read about someone who has sued for being touched 'a bit too friendly'. For being groped? Yes. Assaulted? Yes. But NEVER for touching that's a LITTLE TOO FRIENDLY. 

*Really...its called sexual harrasement.*

How about a law throwing your own spouse in jail for adultery. How about putting the onus where it belongs on the ACTUAL CHEATER...not his partner, not society, not anybody else but the lying deceiver who STARTED IT ALL by CHEATING!

*Nobody can be thrown in jail...not the spouse not the AP. But I would like to divorce because of adultery become an at fault reason. I put the onus on my husband and ANYONE that cheats. It just so happens that his partner was married also, does that change your outlook.*

I would be happy if all states took into consideration adultery in a divorce. I put it on both the WS and their knowing AP. 

Again, why not JAIL the cheater for commiting the "crime" of adultery against his/her spouse?

*I don't know what you are talking about. I did not say anything about jail. Just a monetary lawsuit. *

While you are entiltled to your opinion, you have no personal experience to back up your convictions. 

I don't need "personal experience" to have an opinion/convictions. If that were a necessity...to have PERSONAL EXPERIENCE before having an opinion or information, then who would man Suicide Prevention hotlines? Only people who've successfully committed suicide?

*Again, why the extreme. I said I would walk if a man ever cheated on me....I didn't, he got a second chance. The point I was making is that you don't know what you will do, until you experience it yourself. And I did say that you are entitled to your opinion.*

I know you're hurting, and I don't blame you! But suing others just allows the cheater to "blame" others and "rationalize" his behavior as the 'fault' of someone else who 'tempted' him...like he's not a sentient being in control of his own actions.

*I am actually in a great place. And no I did not sue her, because I placed the blame on my husband. But that does not make her less guilty. She was married and knew what was at stake. I never said she tempted him. And you are right, he is in control of his own actions. Yet so is she. But I stand by my opinion that bring a lawsuit against your spouse's AP should be an option.*

Actually the suit is not brought by the AP. It is brought the BS in order to tell the AP to back the hell off and not to even think about doing it to another person. Nobody is saying that the WS is not responsible for their own actions, just that their AP is just as responsible for the fallout. 

And I still hold that the AP owes NOBODY ANYTHING. The only person who 'owes' you something in your marriage, is YOU and your SPOUSE. You made promises to each other and ONE OF YOU broke them. I have not noticed (at any wedding I've ever been to) the entire crowd (or the world for that matter) making ANY VOWS to either the bride or the groom promising THEM ANYTHING.

*Actually the whole point of people being present for the vows is a community agreement that a couple is joining together. You are not supposed to attend if you don't think they belong together. It is not just about the party afterwards.*

You and I will never agree on this, underwater2010, and that's alright with me. We have expressed our opinions, aired our views. That is the purpose of a forum; food for thought.

Thank you, sincerely, for commenting. 

*Yep you are right....we will not agree. Thanks for a little lively debate and I wish you well in your relationship/future relationship. I hope that you never find yourself in my shoes.*


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> I'm wondering if the defendents (the WS and AP) could use "the fog" as a way to claim temporary insanity??


It might just stand up in court as a legal defense. Thanks for the laugh.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Alienation of affection and criminal conversation are still viable claims in North Carolina. They are rarely brought, however, because they can be difficult to prove and even if they can be proven the AP is often judgment proof and the end result doesn't justify the cost of bringing the lawsuit. 

In my experience these lawsuits are filed as leverage for the BS to get an upper hand in the divorce. The WS doesnt want to drag his or her AP through the embarrassment of a public trial and depositions and so will be inclined to make concessions on issues related to the divorce such as alimony, property division, etc.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think 100% yes you should be able to sue them for damage they caused to you.

If you get divorced I think you should be able to sue them for the cost of the divorce ,plus the loss of your assets.

If font get divorced I still think you should be able to sue them for emotional duress and all financial damages due to the affair.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Intentionally Emotional Distress and Negligent Emotional Distress! Should file both that way the court has the ability to look at it both ways. Even so, there are points in filing one and winning. There is also a three years limitation and certain points that must be able to be proved. Extreme and outrageous conduct is one point that must be proved. Today is infidelity an outrageous conduct or is it the norm? The hardest I think is that you have to prove you actually suffer emotional distress. In my case I think it will be easy to prove since I all ready have mental health issues that the other parties knew about and this whole thing has effected me so much that even leaving the house is pretty much impossible for me now. They knew WS was married and they pursued him during a time of weakness. Offered and gave him drugs then pressured him into coming back. I know that my WS would testify if I were to file this paperwork now. My biggest shame is that once you do file, it becomes public knowledge and I'm just not prepared to handle the fallout something like this could be to our business and reputation around town. Otherwise if the two points I mentioned can be proved I say go for it. It would show the world, the community that cheating and encouraging a married person to disrespect their spouse and vows is not acceptable behavior. Oh one more thing in a state with no-fault divorce having this suit against your WS will help the judge see that you are compensated for your loss. (In more ways than one) I thought about that too. I think I will file with the option that if we do not work out I will still have the avenue open to me. sorry if I am sounding scattered I am. I just recently discovered that not only am I a prisoner in my own home and mind it has not been 523 days of tears DOT So when do the tears stop and the cave in that use to be your heart get better? I don't know either time they all say in time. What if we don't have time left? What happened when you are on the last legs of your life? 5 years? Do I even have that much time left? Why shouldn't I go after the very people that intentionally took away my dreams, rocked my world and left me without a safety net or secure place to land. No I am just waiting for WS if he does not respond as he should to help me move forward then I will take other actions and our business can die as I have. Starting to get windy got to go.......


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

First and foremost, I think that snooping on your spouse should never be a criminal offence. Whether together or estranged, you are legally married and that should be one of the privileges of marriage.

I also think that more states should require that married people must inform their spouse when buying high priced assets like property, motorised vehicle and maybe other types of assets.

As far as suing the AP, hmmm, well, if we think of the "usual scenario" ie older boss, younger secretary....there might not be much that you can ask for except maybe some student debt. But suing for the cost of things that were incurred due to the affair, yeah, I could go with that.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

susie woo said:


> Have you got no children to you first husband, and how long was you with him. I am glad you are happy and have moved on.


We had a child together.

My ex h was just as much to blame as the OW. They are both equally at fault. Yes, she KNEW we were married also.

After I left I was a single parent for quite some time. I didn't get much support from my ex financially at all. $200 per month and he rarely saw his child to abandoning her. He made another family and refuses our child we made together to have any contact with his family(4 siblings). I was not bitter, I did move on. It was the best thing I ever did.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

My H cheated on ME! He did it, he has to own it. Suing the AP is just another way of blame shifting
Oh and in this scenario OW would be able to sue my H as well! She was married with kids also. Not all OW are single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

At one time, there were stringent laws in western society against adultery, with serious lawful consequences for all involved parties. Over the last forty years or so, these laws and their consequences have been quietly removed or watered down to the point of being nearly useless.

Guess there were way too many politicians, lawyers, judges and public officials ensnared by their own laws and standards. Now, instead of being an ignominy, it’s treated as an entitlement.

Believe in the Karma bus – better yet, get a license and learn to drive it . . .


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Why stay married to me and have an AP bleeding out the marital resources and sentiments? File a damn divorce and move on with your AP. Tell me when the attraction starts to mount between you and AP. Don't stay with me until you solidify your relationship with each other and before you touch. Life has it's own remedies for parasitic wh0res and their married M/W. I do believe APs should be sued...I want back what was stolen from me and my children. I call WSs and APs thieves - scum: They lie, cheat and steal and think it's the norm. Some even kill unsuspecting BSs as we see on ID t.v. everyday. There is a price for uncoothness, why should my children and I have to pay it? And then why shouldn't the AP reimburse for the destruction and loss. They did not take vows to me and my children's well-being, but they surely knew we existed. They had to collaborate with my WH as to when, where and how to meet. In doing that, they had to know where my children and I were at all times and agree to the parameters set around us. They should also be sued for invasion of privacy.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

In my situation the OW of 8 years, threatened to sue me for harassment when I first found out and enquired of her. No lawsuit yet after cheaterville post. I did ricochet it back to a lawsuit for emotional distress on the behalf of me and my children. Today I have to face the fact that we will need to use some of our tax returns to pay off the phone bill in collections for $38 - 13 minute type of phone calls that were made between them, if we want to buy another house. When we had bought the first house, she showed up at the front door of his pants zipper. As a result, we were forced to sell the house because I couldn't manage the bills on my own. He had started his own business after she showed up. It was the perfect cover for copious amounts of freedom and time to spend on and with her, with $ he did not have (his business crashed because she was his only customer). So if you are foggy on why APs should not be sued, contact me, I have the details of the costs they incurr.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

I don't understand how you could sue an AP for expenses incurred during the affair. Unless they were extorting money or holding a gun to the WS head, it's all on the WS who opened his wallet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

susie woo said:


> Being betrayed is one of the most hurtful things someone can go through, yes your other half is most to blame for betraying you but what about the other person who they did it with it takes two to tango. Why should they get off scott free to go and do it to another family. Its not just the betrayed partner that gets hurt its the children and extending family and friends. The other affair partner most often goes in fully aware that they are married with a family but it doesn't bother them, maybe if there was a law fetched in where you could sue if they new about you and your children they might think twice. After all you can divorce your other half whether they want you to or not. They lose all your respect, their kids and families respect, and often lose everything, what does the other partner in crime lose, nothing they are free to go and help ruing someone else's life (which I no of quite a few what have done so). Its like all these women that go for famous footballers and pop stars they no they are married but it doesn't stop them. You can sue someone for saying something a bit racial or touching you a bit too friendly or even being a bit of a bully all sorts of things. But yet another person can help ruin your family's life and you cannot do a thing....Seems a bit sad to me. I suppose I m the only one to feel like this. Am I.


There should be specific scenarios whereby one can sue a person who deliberately pursues a married man/woman with the intended purpose to disrupt and end a marriage. Theoretically a person can make a plan to ruin your life in this manner, and it is perfectly legal. This is why BS can feel so helpless, and while some resort to taking the law into their own hands, often by assaulting the affair partner. 

Marriage betrayal is so insidious and destructive to society as a whole, I agree there should be laws that would deter such behavior. In other countries there are such laws, but in the US there does not seem to be much you can do.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

> Re: Should you be able to sue the other affair partner


Personally, I believe that the BS should have the LEGAL RIGHT to beat the ever livin' CRAP out of BOTH of them *without* the AP or the WS having the legal right to sue the BS!

Howz dat for a bit of a twist?

Vega


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

After thinking about it, I'm having a tough time justifying a lawsuit against the AP. Damage to the marriage? Half of the marriage willingly had a hand in bringing that damage on. Emotional distress to the BS? I'm not real keen on infliction of emotional distress suits; for every justifiable case out there there's a dozen more that are just bullcrap, and I don't want to set a precedent for such lawsuits in the non-marital arena.

But I absolutley agree that infidelity should be a factor, maybe a huge factor, in property division and spousal support. To the extent "duties" and "contractual obligations" exist, they're on the part of the WS, not necessarily the AP.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> First and foremost, I think that snooping on your spouse should never be a criminal offense. Whether together or estranged, you are legally married and that should be one of the privileges of marriage.


 I absolutely could not agree more! But there are many attorney's who would counter that to "snoop" on a spouse, either by means of reading their email, texts, or video/audiotaping their phone calls constitutes probable violations of both federal and state wiretapping laws. I am a very strong proponent of the rationale that when you and your spouse stand before the alter and take each other "for better or worse," you richly vacate privacy from each other. Having said that, I feel that the greater weight of the law should give a spouse the inherent right to do anything of a reasonable nature to act accordingly in attempting to save or salvage their marital union~ and in doing so, that should run as primary when weighed against a person's liberty as afforded by those same wiretapping laws.




> I also think that more states should require that married people must inform their spouse when buying high priced assets like property, motorised vehicle and maybe other types of assets.


I would totally agree with this, with the lone exception, perhaps, being for the presence of a well-worded prenuptual agreement.




> As far as suing the AP, hmmm, well, if we think of the "usual scenario" i.e. older boss, younger secretary....there might not be much that you can ask for except maybe some student debt. But suing for the cost of things that were incurred due to the affair, yeah, I could go with that.


 In theory, I'd be forced to agree with this. Since several states already have legal statutes in place for this, this might well come to be the wave of the future. But the burden of proof would largely be on the BS to prove that the prevaricators actions, as well as the knowledge that such actions taken by them, indeed, would lead to the ultimate demise of the marital relationship. The other inherent legal factor to be considered here is whether the agent who came to destroy the marriage had financially "deep pockets." In other words, would they have the personal financial resources worth suing for?

With regard to intra-company affairs and trysts, the BS could well file suit, not only against the perpetrator, but possibly the company as well under the legal doctrine of _respondeat superior, _which largely holds a company responsible for the actions of its employees in doing something or the performance of an act that might jeopardize the visual perception of that company in the general community.

Years ago, when I was a group manager for a regional oilfield firm, the CEO as well as the GM made it abundantly clear that there would be no fraternization, dating, or marriage amongst it's employees. I saw several incidents where people lost their jobs or was sanctioned over it. I also had to continually counsel employees under my watch, as well as new hires, to walk "the straight and narrow." 

And in all that time, no one that it effected, ever attempted to sue the company!


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> I don't understand how you could sue an AP for expenses incurred during the affair. Unless they were extorting money or holding a gun to the WS head, it's all on the WS who opened his wallet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Duh :scratchhead: ...Unless he held her at gunpoint and raped her for 8 years, if OW didn't agree to the embezzlement by offering vag***, on the side, the wallet would not be opened to buy it.

How's about...There is something called DIVORCE!! (What? My WS didn't divorce me because he loved me enough to stay while he juggled AP and I without my knowledge?) If you are that frikin unhappy that you need emotional and sexual consolation from an AP, file one. The law gives you an "out". Use it. Don't wait until you bank another person to exit. The law provides an EXIT already. WSs don't use it until they are satisfied their affair is solid. That is the key, WS didn't use the out clause the law offers them, no, they stay and suck the life out of their H or W. 

That should be the basis of the law: Breaking the law by NOT utilizing a legal divorce that the law provides and taking the law into your own hands by the illegal premeditated "dissolution of marriage" without deliberately advising the other marriage partner (thereby breech of contract). So, removing the right of a BS to utilize their right to divorce and forcing them to exist in an unsafe often hostile environment. Then, sue the AP as an accomplice to the illegal premeditated "dissolution of marriage" without deliberately advising the other marriage partner. Add inducement of psychological pain from the resulting trauma = PTSD for BS and children.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Calibre12 said:


> The law gives you an "out". Use it. Don't wait until you bank another person to exit. The law provides an EXIT already. WSs don't use it until they are satisfied their affair is solid. That is the key, WS didn't use the out clause the law offers them, no, they stay and suck the life out of their H or W. That should be the basis of the law, illegal premeditated "dissolution of marriage" (thereby breach of contract) without deliberately advising the other marriage partner. Then, sue the AP as an accomplice to the illegal premeditated "dissolution of marriage" without deliberately advising the other marriage partner. Add inducement of psychological pain from the resulting trauma = PTSD.


Greatly because the WS would much rather "eat cake" by keeping their spouse on hold while examining other pastures. Then once they make the determination that their AP is definitely "all that," then they suddenly spit the cake out, giving their spouse the air in the process!

Great rationale, Calibre! I absolutely couldn't agree with you more!


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Thanks Arbitrator! I do plan to become a lawyer because of my experience in these matters. But on a more serious note I do want to add for sueing both the WS & AP: 

The illegal "dissolution of marriage" through malicious intent by deliberately misleading, extorting, embezzling, misrepresenting and thereby breeching of the marriage contract without notifying or informing the other contract partner and without the proper use of the legal channel provided by the law, known as divorce.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Calibre12 said:


> I do plan to become a lawyer because of my experience in these matters.


*facepalm*

I'll tell you the same thing I tell my kids: dermatology. Either that or HVAC tech.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

The time will come when you will have to put your $ where your mouth and a$$ is. Watch out WSs and APs.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

underwater2010 said:


> Um I understand where you're coming from but why would you want someone to be punished by law for matters of the heart?


It was punishable by law for years - tort law. Most States have done away with that law - I think there are six States left that have the law on their books. 

It is considered violation of a contract, which, of course, is the marriage contract.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I don't think I'd want it.
The longer you're tied up in a lawsuit, the longer you have to deal with the cheater and all of his/her issues, and the longer and more opportunity you give them for them to mess with you and to keep tabs on your life, your finances, etc. Of course if you accuse in court of law of someone cheating, the first thing they are going to do is to accuse you of the same, not to prove it, but to make you have to disclose all of your life and have it open for judgement. It will cost you, it will cost them, it will prolong everything, and the cost to society is just much too high. We can barely afford to uphold the laws we do have, spouses already get away with rape and other felonies.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

This has been a very good debate. 
All I was saying is that you get sued for the most smallest and stupid things now of days, Why when cheating on someone the after affects is on par with someone dying, you can't do naff all about it.
And I never once said it was to shift the blame from the WS they deserve all that's thrown at them including suing them as well. I no people that have ended there lives because of cheating. Just thought if there was a deterrent it might make a few people think before they jump into bed with someone they shouldn't. I no it will never stop just like murdering and thieving but the laws do deter some.
Plus why have a problem with it unless you have done it or are thinking of doing it. WHY WOULD IT AFFECT YOU.

Just my opinion.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Once BSs can get past the emotional shock fog forced upon them (which should also be a part of the lawsuit), then they should be able to view the situation from a practical versus emotional standpoint. There are financial damages and repercussions that must be recoverable. Eliminate the basis of this type of lawsuit from being about character and make the laws attack the losses and the breech of contract. May sound silly but what was the contract? To love and cherish, forsaking all others, for richer or poorer etc. Even suing your spouse upon DD, while still married, is the best position to be in because the marriage contract was illegally breeched, forcing the WS to divorce you legally if he/she dares to and put them and AP (even if affair ended) on a payment plan separate from alimony and child support, whether WS chooses to stay married or not. You see, I prefer to deliver a summons rather than deliver a beeoch slap.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Calibre12 said:


> Once BSs can get past the emotional shock fog forced upon them (which should also be a part of the lawsuit), then they should be able to view the situation from a practical versus emotional standpoint. There are financial damages and repercussions that must be recoverable. Eliminate the basis of this type of lawsuit from being about character and make the laws attack the losses and the breech of contract. May sound silly but what was the contract? To love and cherish, forsaking all others, for richer or poorer etc. Even suing your spouse upon DD, while still married, is the best position to be in because the marriage contract was illegally breeched, forcing the WS to divorce you legally if he/she dares to and put them and AP (even if affair ended) on a payment plan separate from alimony and child support, whether WS chooses to stay married or not. You see, I prefer to deliver a summons rather than deliver a beeoch slap.


If this were all incorporated into the embodiment of a prenutual agreement, then it would pretty much be totally and legally enforceable. Barring that, you're richly at the mercy of whatever your state's family code says can be and cannot be done about it.

Having said that, and while I strongly agree with your argument, there is a marked propensity amongst the state legislatures to create divorce laws that start almost exclusively veering away from "at fault" divorces over to "no fault" divorces. 

And because of the resulting potential in saving litigants valuable time and more of their monetary resources, not to even mention unclogging the busy family court dockets involved, I feel that the "at fault" divorce is greatly headed the way of the dinosaurs and will only be enforced when it is written into the individual prenup signed off on by the couple.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

But just think, in this day and age, how much $ would pour into the legal system. There would have to be a whole separate courthouse etc., just to handle it. Susie Woo is right about the fact that suits can be filed for the most ridiculous things but excepts adultery, which severely affects the core of society and humanity: The family.


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Carlf42.............. Its nothing to do with getting money for me its about trying to stop it happening, Making people responsible for helping break other peoples hearts, so stop being petty yourself and read it properly, lives have been ruined because people don't care about nothing but themselves. THAT'S WHAT ITS ABOUT>>>>>>>>>> Watch where you going next time I would never sue over something like that and I could have plenty of times but I am not LAME...


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I skipped a couple pages, but didn’t see this mentioned. “No Fault” was more or less established because the family courts were tied up listening and deliberating on “who’s to blame”. The case became more about how awful your spouse was than about how to settle the division of assets and kids. Do the math... more than 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. Do you really want a substantial portion of your taxes spent on juries and judges to process it all because a couple can’t work it out on their own? Also, drawn out court cases cost a ton.... in the ‘old days’, one spouse (usually the working husband) could bankrupt the other (stay at home mom) so they could no longer afford their attorneys and court fees to fight you and would be stuck in the marriage or an unlivable settlement. The ‘best lawyer wins’, and if you represent yourself, you have a ‘fool as a client’. No fault lowered the cost of divorcing substantially and gave SAHM’s a chance to get a decent settlement.

Personally, I think a prenuptial agreement should be a requirement of the marriage certificate to make sure there has been an agreement about what happens if the marriage fails. It’d also be nice if it was a crime that would go on their record... Better, like locally we have a dumping law that whomever turns you in gets a five hundred dollar reward that the judge collects and distributes. If convicted, it goes on your record as a misdemeanor. So, you’d financially encourage others to turn them in, and something would pop up on a background check... Fee goes up with each offense..


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

I hear what you are saying, but the bottom line is the courts are filled up with "someone accidentally touching my hand in the copy room" type of suits instead of "adultery" type suits which negatively and directly impact the lives of at least one other adult and at least one or more children. "What you don't know"...does HURT you (& your children), not just in emotions, but in time and $ - frequently diverted from the care of household, wife/husband and children to fund the affair. 

Again, the law provides the WS with DIVORCE (since their marriage is such a sh!thouse that they need a myriad of trips to sex disney to manage their psyches). But, they very frequently choose to illegally divorce (forsake) and destroy the very fibre of the family before they exercise their right to divorce their family or be divorced by their family. They prefer to break the law's marriage "out" clause by maintaining the appearance of a family man/woman, a so-called upstanding member of society, while they erode the very foundation it was built on to satisfy themselves & their AP - in secret (aka a dual life).

To KarlF42: 
It's not about AP simply sleeping with your spouse. We all know sex is easy to do, 15 minutes tops. It's about the attached losses, collareral damage to the family that stems from it. Someone(s) has to be held accountable for it. Further, about not exercising the legal route of divorce before establishing a relationship with a potential AP. Lame is extra marital sex while presenting a false impression to your wife, children and society that you are a good-charactered somebody you are NOT! How do WSs and APs integrate their real private selves with their false public personas in the deep crevices of their minds? Only God knows. 

I don't have a problem with my "WH" as a man screwing down the universe or getting involved in a love relationship of his choosing. What I have a problem with is his doing it IN marriage and in marriage TO me. I would much prefer that when her pheromones had hit him, he told me and left the odds up to the universe to decide the fate of their relationship after giving me the option to exercise my legal right to divorce him. I have big problems with being a private detective when I did not ask to be one; I have big problems with paying bills he didn't because AP wanted a pair of diamond studs or red roses for Valentine's Day, so my kids and I will eat Ramen that weekend. GET IT?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

susie woo said:


> Plus why have a problem with it unless you have done it or are thinking of doing it. WHY WOULD IT AFFECT YOU.


It`s a government mandated intrusion into the irrational, unknowable, inexplicable, matters of citizens hearts and minds.

I`m not interested in such an Orwellian precedent.

It`s jumping the shark


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Okay, I have read all the posts on here, and I agree both ways, however there are circumstances that are legitimate cases of the OW/OM leading the spouse away.

We lived in a very small town, and for some reason there were a couple of women who were going stir crazy and trying to steal husbands! I saw pregnant women being left with nothing, friends stealing husbands etc.

Honestly, there was one lady that had gone through 5 husbands and she was in her early 40's! They were all "stolen", and these guys knew about it and would still fall for it.
My mother told me a story how she tried to use her very sick child (while still married) and have my father spend more and more time with her. She even opened the door naked one time (with candles in the background) and freaked out when she saw my mom standing there instead of my dad!

Why should people like this not pay? And in the country we lived in at that time they did!

There is a thing in the law called INTENT - and both parties should be punished, the married person ruining the relationship, and the person they are cheating with, especially under certain circumstances. Just because not ever case would qualify for a lawsuit like this, doesn't mean that the option should not be present when malicious intent is apparent. 
This is especially true when the other person is left in financial ruin due to the infidelity. 

My "legal" 2 cents


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

ChiGirl said:


> Why should people like this not pay? And in the country we lived in at that time they did!


Because.....



> It`s a government mandated intrusion into the irrational, unknowable, inexplicable, matters of citizens hearts and minds.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

CarlF42 said:


> So....look at all the affairs and marriage break-ups that go on, day-after-day.....how many of these do you think get to the point when the 'victim' manages to sue the OM/OW.
> 
> Any stats?


My God! When the pediatrician told me there were normal looking people without Trisomy 21, walking around with lesser IQs, I didn't believe it...until now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

susie woo said:


> This has been a very good debate.
> All I was saying is that you get sued for the most smallest and stupid things now of days, Why when cheating on someone the after affects is on par with someone dying, you can't do naff all about it.
> And I never once said it was to shift the blame from the WS they deserve all that's thrown at them including suing them as well. I no people that have ended there lives because of cheating. Just thought if there was a deterrent it might make a few people think before they jump into bed with someone they shouldn't. I no it will never stop just like murdering and thieving but the laws do deter some.
> Plus why have a problem with it unless you have done it or are thinking of doing it. WHY WOULD IT AFFECT YOU.
> ...


Because I like to keep the government out of my private life, including my marriage. Slippery slope and all.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Calibre12 said:


> My God! When the pediatrician told me there were normal looking people without Trisomy 21, walking around with lesser IQs, I didn't believe it...until now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's really offensive.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> That's really offensive.


:iagree:

This is a discussion...That addresses this question:

"Should you be able to sue the other affair partner?" 

:scratchhead:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The reason why legislatures have made it impossible to hold cheaters accountable is because so many of them, their legal buddies, and the captains of industry they are beholden to. are themselves cheaters.

Asking folks like Newt to help betrayed spouses is like asking the theives to respect property rights.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> The reason why legislatures have made it impossible to hold cheaters accountable is because so many of them, their legal buddies, and the captains of industry they are beholden to. are themselves cheaters.
> 
> Asking folks like Newt to help betrayed spouses is like asking the theives to respect property rights.


I disagree.

Asking government to help betrayed spouses is like asking the fire department to clean your pool.

They have no business cleaning pools.
It's not why they exist
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I disagree.
> 
> Asking government to help betrayed spouses is like asking the fire department to clean your pool.
> 
> ...


I'm not saying the government should help betrayed spouses.
I am saying they should stop preventing betrayed spouses from taking civil action against their WS and the AP.

Currently the BS is prevented from suing the WS or AP over the affair or the marriage. It's been taken off the table by the government.

You can sue in other cases. For instance OJ beat the criminal charges, but he lost the civil suit.

But the BS is limited to only filing for D as a dissolution of the legal marriage, followed by whatever assert split the law and courts demand.

It's the government who current is interfering in the rights of the BS.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

You are right Shaggy...Without all these broken homes, how else will the government justify forcing taxpayers with integrity to foot the bill for the ones who have none, via Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC), the Department of Children & Families (DCF), Food Stamps and Medicaid?

It's amazing to me that over the last 200 years, slavery, racism, violence to women and children has only been repackaged and sold over and over in a different box but with the same ribbon. Nothing has really changed.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> It's the government who current is interfering in the rights of the BS.


I don`t think the BS has that right.

The AP never mad any agreement with the BS the WS made the agreement and thats what divorce is for.

If you want to argue that the AP destroyed the BS marriage and home you`re going to lose the moment it`s pointed out that there was no value in that marriage to begin with as the WS caused the devaluation by being a cheating ho.

I just don`t see a legal argument that would hold up against the worst litigator for even a second.

It`s overstepping, there is no right that implies a complete stranger can`t **** your spouse.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If a guy crashes his car into your house you can sue him for damages. 

If a guy has sex with you wife and you loose the house you? Nothing ?

Both have done you harm financially once did not respect your property the other your marriage. 

Do why can't you go after someone whos choice caused you damages?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I don`t think the BS has that right.
> 
> The AP never mad any agreement with the BS the WS made the agreement and thats what divorce is for.
> 
> ...


But there is a law that says DIVORCE - implies that if you have to look elsewhere for a quasi "marriage", GET OUT!

The AP does not have to make any agreement with the BS. They are an accomplice to the WS...Therefore are equally liable. A complete stranger should **** a WS when he/she becomes a DS. It's okay susie woo, we shouldn't have to sue the AP. Karma has a way of suing them for us, and with such an exacting, profound recipe that no law can.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Yes, the ap didn't make any promise to the ap but that doesn' t entitle them to steal their spouses and wreck their homes. It's almost like saying " the thief didn't make you any promise not to enter and break into your house and rob you". Sure, stealing is a felony, adultery is not. But it's still reduced to taking something that is not yours. When you enter a relationship with a married person, or not end it as soon as you find out they are married, you are stealing. You are stealing the affection, time, and $$ they spend on you and that belongs to his family. I'm not saying it's ok to blame shift and find excuses for the ws. The ws is the prime culprit but the ap get away with nothing than the bs hope that karma will bite their *ss. I am all for a law that enables to sue thr ap for alienation of affection. The emotional pain of having a spouse stolen alone , not to mention financial losses due to a divorce that otherwise would not have happened. The children growing up without or with little time with one of the parents. How do you pay for that?
This is my view on the matter. .just adding my 50 c
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> If a guy crashes his car into your house you can sue him for damages.
> 
> If a guy has sex with you wife and you loose the house you? Nothing ?


My wife is not my "property".
Your analogy suffers because of that.
She`s a human who can and does make her own decisions and if she were to find herself with another mans penis inside her she'd be the first to tell you that was her decision.

She's also the only one who sealed and signed a contract with me so she is really the only one liable for the effect on our marriage.



> Do why can't you go after someone whos choice caused you damages?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

No


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

susie woo said:


> Carlf42.............. Its nothing to do with getting money for me its about trying to stop it happening, Making people responsible for helping break other peoples hearts, so stop being petty yourself and read it properly, lives have been ruined because people don't care about nothing but themselves. THAT'S WHAT ITS ABOUT>>>>>>>>>> Watch where you going next time I would never sue over something like that and I could have plenty of times but I am not LAME...


 But isn't that what wedding vows are supposed to do?
The threat of legal action will not stop people from having affairs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> If a guy crashes his car into your house you can sue him for damages.
> 
> If a guy has sex with you wife and you loose the house you? Nothing ?
> 
> ...


So go after you wife for damages!
She is the one that is breaking her vows. The OM doesn't owe you anything.
Look I hate my Hs ex OW and would like nothing more than to see her suffer. But it's my H who hurt me, he damaged me, Furthermore if I could sue her then her H could sue MY H.
Might as well just call it quits really!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

And the AP doesn't steal the WS, they go quite willingly! This is just blame shifting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

My point is...we are all free to do what we want to do with our affections and bodies. Doing it at the expense of someone else and your children should be against the law. It isn't but it should constitute theft. Let the OW/OM lure or steal the spouse, whatever. But they should pay half the damages because they were a willing participant in the theft that the wife and children were oblivious to. They should also be sued for contributing to the destruction of a family unit. No one said APs broke a vow they did not make to a WS, they are accomplices to the WS's breech of the marriage contract by allowing themselves to be crotch crutches.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

This reminds me of the genesis story: the serpent tempted eve and adam with the forbidden fruit. They fall into temptation, and god punishes them all, begining with the snake. It was adam and eve's choice to cross god's will, but did this make the snake less guilty? No, and he too wad punished. 
The ap is just that, a snake, a temptress ( deliberately or not, but most of the cases deliberately ). The ws has been weak and fell into temptation, breaking his vows. So, if god punished the serpant for making the pair break their word, why do we not blame the ap for making ws breakk their wedding vows?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

The harshest reality I had to face was the fact of the true character of the man I married. That being said, the calibre of his AP has got to be a match. It is reassuring to know the stats are not too far from the karma bus. The mentality that harbors such betrayal and deceit is flabbergasting and proves that WS and AP are equally deserving of each other. Makes you wonder how they will handle these same negative qualities in each other that they pounce on the BS and their children with. Some laws can never be broken, such as: Can't make honor out of dishonor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hortensia said:


> This reminds me of the genesis story: the serpent tempted eve and adam with the forbidden fruit. They fall into temptation, and god punishes them all, begining with the snake. It was adam and eve's choice to cross god's will, but did this make the snake less guilty? No, and he too wad punished.
> The ap is just that, a snake, a temptress ( deliberately or not, but most of the cases deliberately ). The ws has been weak and fell into temptation, breaking his vows. So, if god punished the serpant for making the pair break their word, why do we not blame the ap for making ws breakk their wedding vows?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow just wow!
Do you really think men are so weak and women so evil?
This is just blameshifting again!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

No. It works the same way for a male ap and a female ws. It is not the gender who is evil, it is the act of homewrecking. Tempting and seducing a married person. It is not blame shifting - it is blame sharing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

I believe there are some folks (very few) who are not aware their new bf/gf is actually married when they get involved. In my case, WS's AP coworker was fully aware for months he is married with three kids. She absolutely did not care one bit, no surprise. Then again, my WS didn't care either....for her existing relationship or his own marriage. 

Since they were coworkers and found out by their boss, WS risked his 20+ year career for a side piece. She risked her job as well, they helped each other put their employment at risk. WS is well aware he hit his personal glass ceiling by engaging in what he did with a coworker; safe to say he won't be getting promoted anytime soon.

I work and make about 85% of what WS does. Ultimately we are responsible for ourselves but we were living in a house neither of us could afford alone.... Because I trusted him to remain loyal to our marriage. Part of that loyalty is being fiscally responsible. He stepped outside of the marriage which could have caused the demise of the relationship, leaving us open to huge financial problems and not just with the house. A lot can be amassed in even less time than we've been married. However, without a willing AP an affair can't happen. 

I do agree that AP's should be sued. However, there's that nagging detail of the WS's culpability too. They are both at fault, should we be able to sue them both (just hypothesizing)? As BS's we can divorce the WS and possibly come out with a better settlement but does (and should) the AP get off scott free when many of them assist in their own way in ending some marriages? Or just wait for karma to catch up with them?

To me it's like posting the AP on Cheaterville. Totally up for that idea but shouldn't the WS be posted too? Regardless of reconciliation....both of them are at fault, they should both be advertised IMO.

Also, I get the premise of tending one's own garden but if someone decides to hop the fence into my "garden" (or the other "gardener" helps them over), they should both be treated like any other garden pest trying to steal from me.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So what happens when both of the people involved in the A are married as in my situation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Calibre12 said:


> *The harshest reality I had to face was the fact of the true character of the man I married.* That being said, the calibre of his AP has got to be a match. It is reassuring to know the stats are not too far from the karma bus. The mentality that harbors such betrayal and deceit is flabbergasting and proves that WS and AP are equally deserving of each other. Makes you wonder how they will handle these same negative qualities in each other that they ponce on the BS and their children with. Some laws can never be broken, such as: Can't make honor out of dishonor.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can very much relate to the bolded part.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> I can very much relate to the bolded part.


Yes I think we all can.
It's a horrible reality to face!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Tryingtorecover, yes, sometimes an ap eners the relatonship oblivious of the fact thy date a married person. It happened to a close friend of mine: she met a cab driver, nice guy, spent weekends away at the mountains, she introduced him to her family, where, surprise, he asks her mom for her hand. 
I pointed to her some red flags: he avoided introducing her to his family. Everytime she tried to bring it up, he 
would shut her down one way or another. Always excuses. Second, he was too close for comfort with a neighbor of my friend, who had 2 children, of 9- 12 y.o. 
One night, my friend knocked at my door crying. It resulted that the guy who proposed to her in frront of her mom, was actually married to the neighbor, had 2 kids and his wife was pregnant with the third. His flexible scgedule and availability due to his job made it easier to hide the truth. My friend
Tried to dump him at first, he swore he would leave his wife despite being pregnant. She took him back - that's where my view of her changed. His wife found out, big drama in the neighborhood...now she reached the point she claimed she couldn't let go. Long story short he sepatated from his wife but they never lasted. 
So, once she found out, shouldn't have been strong and dump him, instead of causing so much distress on his pregnant wife and 2 kids? Are you guys telling me that the wife should not have been entitled to sue a woman lime that for emotional distress? Yes, the guy was total scum, but so was his affair partner. In my eyes at least.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

daisygirl 41 said:


> So what happens when both of the people involved in the A are married as in my situation?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It would become a double edge sword. You could choose to sue the ow. and the owh. would be just as entitled to sue your h. It could get tricky if you decide to stay in your marriages, but otherwise, serves them right.
It would work better to sue single aps i guess. Complication may rise as situations vary, but i still believe such a law should exist...even if the emotional distress can't be compensated with $ and the damage undone but it would call the aps on the wrong they have done instead of just let them enjoy their " victory".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Maybe it would just be easier to go and punch her lights out!!
Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Maybe it would just be easier to go and punch her lights out!!
> Lol!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol . I would be more for punching her face instead, but then she can sue you )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## susie woo (Jan 26, 2013)

Hortensia said:


> Lol . I would be more for punching her face instead, but then she can sue you )
> _Posted via Mobile Device_






Like I said you can sue for anything, in the end its only the innocent that get hurt again...The OW in my husbands case was just a friend with benefits she new all about me and my kids and didn't give 2 hoots, he didn't want her just a quickie because i had gone off it (due to being knackered cos of kids), she doesn't think she was doing anything wrong and she didn't want him either. and like I said previously, she done it with loads of married men, its women like her that need stopping. NO MORALS... And like i also said the husbands lost everything..not trying to pass the buck they are both responsible.


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