# Walk away wife...i'm hurting bad !!



## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Hi all, brand new here, well I've been searching around here for a couple weeks.......My D Day was Jan 24 of this year......7 days after returning from an awesome vacation of 15 days with her, we have been married 6 years, together 7 1/2 years.......

She wasnt getting any sleep due to working nights and having to shift back to nights from our vacation, she just hit me with a story that I was a scary man, and she didnt know me anymore......................

it's a long drawn out story, Im sure I'm to blame for some of it, but in the weeks to follow I found out things about her I NEVER knew, bad things, that she had been physically abused as a child by her father.......never said a word to me in 7 1/2 years !!! 

We NEVER EVER had a fight or arguement, we would disagree, but never anything harsh or mean. I trusted her with my life, we always said we would be together forever, we dont have any children, she has 2 grown kids from her last marriage of 24 years.

She had asked her previous husband to change for 3 years, one day she said thats it and moved out, I was part of that reason im sure......now the same thing has happened to me......see a pattern ??? 

I didnt, but I DO now, she says there's no one else, but too many things dont ad up......went away for a break for 5 days, couldnt show me a Hotel reciept, didnt tell me where......I traced CC and found out she checked in and right out within 20 mins......anyway, I have done everything wrong, begged to changed pleaded, cried, hurt, texted her, I've lost 22 pounds cause I cant eat, I'm a wreck.

I mean after reading a lot on this site, I have really made ALL THE WRONG MOVES TO WIN HER BACK.

Now I'm trying the 180, I dont trust her anymore, were fighting over $$$ in the seperation agreement.........everything is my fault......until last week......"I said, Look, I want this done and over, I want to go on with my life, I have some plans, lets get this settled".......she looked stunned.........3 days later we met for lunch because we had to do taxes together, and she says to me......

"You know we only have to be back together for 90 days under the same roof in order for this seperation agreement to be null and void" ....Huh, where did that come from ???

I said thats NOT what you want right, you want this over, she just put her head down and said Yes, thats what I want.....I'm lost, I've been to counsiling 6 times, she went once and said it was only to apease me.

Was this tiny bit of a 180 or me being tough and showing her I'm going to go on and not live in self pitty, enough to make her question what she wants ? or our marriage ?

I LOVE her to death, but I dont trust her anymore, she has said some seriously hurtful, horrible things to me......I want my old life with her back, but thats NOT going to happen, is it ???

Now as of Friday, she says she's seeing a counsilor to help her with trust issues.......she said she might consider seeing a counsilor together......maybe.......I'm so screwed up, I dont even know what I want anymore, I know I cant live with this hurt anymore, but I also feel sick at my stomach when I'm around her, like I'm walking on egg shells, I love her so much, but she's got problems, she dumped last hubby same way, but gave him time to change, she wont give me anytime to fix things, she says I will just become my old self.

Funny thing is, this has changed my life forever, I'm not the same man, I'm now broken and weak, I feel, I've lost my soul mate, my best friend, I want her back, but at the same time, I almost feel its way to soon. 

I'm going to continue with the 180, not to be rude or mean, but to try and help myself, I dont think it will work to win her back, I'm not even sure what Im asking of TAM, maybe some support and to tell someone how crushed and devistated I feel......I know this doesnt all sound right, and I'm all over the map writing this, but I have this site and 2 really good friends that are helping me, not judging me.

Any help would be wonderful, although I do feel, I'm doomed.

Shawn


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

see a pattern ??? 


Yeah, I see someone who cheated with you on her first husband (please correct me if that is wrong) and is now probably cheating on you wuth another guy. This isn't unusual when it comes to cheaters.

She's only "thinking" about counseling and such to keep you around as a back-up plan if the other guy doesn't want to commit to her 100%.

Get yourself checked for STDs. Cut off her money supply (if it's comig from you) read up in the coping with infidelity section regarding gathering eveidence and good luck. I think you're going to need it!


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

You're in a lot of pain but it looks like you are on the path to healing.

Is she denying there's an OM?

OM could have a GF or W or even kids. You need to find out, my friend. 

You've been on the site for a couple of weeks so you know the drill: VAR in the car, etc. 

Are you still under the same roof? I couldn't tell.


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

I'm pretty sure there's someone else......might even be a female, she has just become very close to another women friend, and found some very hurtful things on her phone this women was telling her to do, how to get rid of me etc.....

I actually just caught her in another lie about 15mins ago, ( were not under same roof right now) but I was just at the house to pick up a few things, I left and she texted me about 15 mins later saying" ...."I'm up now, you can come over to get some items", a friend and myself actually seen her driving around in town 20 mins before that text.......so she's staying with someone......

Looks like I need to try to heal and move on, and forget that this could EVER work out again........another good point I forgot to make, was 2 months before this all happened, she just up and changes her FIRST name !!!! Yes, she actually legally changed her first name, as if starting her life over, rather then fixing the issues she has.

I hate living and feeling like this, its unbareable........she has zero remorse when she talks to me, as if I'm all healed up and moved on, I guess thats because she is, so she feels I must be too.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

That could be her "toxic friend". Possibly her lover. 

The name change is fairly radical. What did she change it and why? Is it a normal name or is it something fictional or foreign?

I'd be to curious not to find out what the eff is going on if I were you. You could hire a PI and know within a day or two. This is your wife of almost 8 years, remember. Hell, what if she's going MLC on you and joining a cult or something? You never know...

If she told you 7 days after what you thought was a great vacation, she's pretty good at being deceiving with emotions.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I have to remember until this 3rd party is out of the marriage the dynamics will continue to be infected.

She may come around and give the signals of second guessing her self and thinking twice about this and that, but the bottom line is until the affair partner is completely out of your old ladies life then nothing else matters.

All her words and all the talking and any interaction she has with you will always have a underlaying obstruction and that obstruction is the affair partner.

Hell she cant even admit to an affair much less commit to not contacting her affair partner....see the infection? See the obstacle that you can compete with? 

You have been replaced and until this replacement is out of your wife life you need to just let her go, stop engaging and move on. 

Sure you can hope for this affair to break up and her coming back with an admission and a re commitment , but until NC with AP is confirmed all is lost in this marriage.

I do how ever suggest you do some investigation and research and work on pushing her out of her fantasy by making the affair as inconvenient and as uncomfortable as possible by exposing it.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

^ I agree

Infection is a good way of putting it.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Shawn,

Sounds like it's time to go completely dark on her.

If you haven't done so already, remove ANY and ALL financial support you're giving her.

Get her name of any joint credit cards NOW. If you have any joint bank accounts, take half the money in them and put it into an account(s) that has only your name on it/them

If your pay is deposited into a joint account, have that changed too.

Why should you fund her alternative lifestyle?


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Toffer said:


> Shawn,
> 
> Sounds like it's time to go completely dark on her.
> 
> ...


All the banking was changed within a few days of D day, something just told me to do that.......she's not runing any bills up, other then on her personal CC cards, she has a good job and pays them on time.......she is now switching gears, and telling me that shes mostly hurt and betrayed that I wont just leave her with all the assets, she says her first husband was better to her financially then I'm being......

I got pissed for the first time and told her I had put 7 1/2 years of working 5-6 days a week, helping build a home life and a business, and maybe since this seems to be a pattern, her next Ex will leave her with more then Im doing.

She cried and explained how all of this is my fault, and if I just gave her more money, "MAYBE" we would be able to be together again in the future !!!

WOW, the lights are all coming on for me now, she has become someone i NEVER EVEN SEEN ONCE in our life together !!! 

She has tried to have me arrested, she has managed to call and switch my cell phone into her name and then have the line SUSPENDED.....which was my business line, she even tried to drain money out of my business......but didnt get that one done.......

I spent 3 hours in a taped interview room with the police......they did not arrest me, she told them things that have not happened, and when they questioned her, she could not remember times or places.

She has even went as far as to pull the tags off my vehicle and shredded all my customer contacts that I have in my roll a dex.......thank god I had things backed up on a USB stick......She has become very very viscious, I seen her this afternoon, only to try and pick up some things and she was very cold and conforntational, I asked her to just give it up and tell me the truth for once..............

She said there is NO ONE ELSE, but that she's deathly affraid of me and has hired a personal body gaurd !!! WOW !!! I guess he was on lunch break for the 2 hours I was there.....never seen him.

I'm going to have as minimum contact as possible, try to focus on the 180 for me, not to ever make this work again, I love her so much, but I cant forgive the things she has done to me and has said, let alone, how would I feel down the road if we did try to make it work, I'd question everything.......

I just cant live like that, I had what I thought was a wonderful wife, and now I'm alone, she told me NO OTHER WOMEN WILL EVER WANT YOU, Your a worthless, user, and all I ever wanted was her money !!! 

She even told me it has cost her $$$ to be in her life. That I never once bought anything or contributed to our house hold financially........funny, I have over 3 years of checks stubs just from my business going into the house bank acct....... 

I asked her if I was abusive to her today, she said NO, I asked if I was a bad or neglectful husband, she said NO, I asked her if there was another man, women or even beast.....she said No.

But, she did say she doesnt trust me, and that she feels I NEVER loved her since day one !!! I did not cheat on her, I did not fool around or talk about any other women, she has seriously just melted down and seems positive all her feelings are because of me........

I give up, I cant fix her, she doesnt think shes broken. I've lost my wife and best friend, im beyond words, I feel stunned and exhausted, I cant eat, sleep or function properly.........please someone, kick my ass in gear, help me please, I need to get my head around this, and start to heal, just so I can work.

I actually get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see her text or know I have to call for something, such as more of her lawyers letters and bull#$%^.

I'm drained emotionally, Im sorry for the spelling, Im so tired and yet I cant sleep. I wake up sweating, scared and not even sure where I am, and then I lay here for 3-4 hours thinking........I see a counsilor tomorrow, but Im going to try to seek help on recovering from this, with the full intent that I will never be with her again.........


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She's toxic and she'll destroy you emotionally if you let her. She's rewriting history to justify her position.

Ignore her. Detach. Work on you. Just you. You have to do that to survive. You're going downhill.

*Back away from her. Now.*


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Shawn-m said:


> she is now switching gears, and telling me that shes mostly hurt and betrayed that I wont just leave her with all the assets, she says her first husband was better to her financially then I'm being......


So, her only interest in marriage is the payoff from the divorce.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

In a way you should be grateful to her. She is making it very easy to fall out of love with her with this spiteful, money-grabbing and unstable behaviour. 

Yes, she is broken and clearly has some major issues around money and trust. But the last thing you should do is to try to fix those. Just walk away - and read No More Mr Nice Guy. Did you marry her knowing that she was a fragile and damaged person and think that you could fix her? 

She does need help and as a damaged human being she deserves someone's sympathy and help. But not yours. Walk away and let her get help elsewhere.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

She needs professional help. Serious help. 

This is not someone you ever want to be with again in your life.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Shawn,

Run as far and as fast as you can from this woman. SHE'S the one who never loved YOU! She's simply justifying all her actions so she doesn't seem so bat-sh!t crazy to others!

Also, if you have to meet with her again, be sure to have a VAR with you so she can't accuse you of anything!

For her it's all about the $$$. Make sure she walks away with as little as possible after everything she's done to you


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Thank you to all of you for your replies and help, every point that each of you have made, makes sense, its just very very hard to hear it.......

No, I had NO idea she was damaged when I met her, she kept that very well hidden, she even told me yesterday that she is never speaking to her own Mother again after this, because her mother rushed her off the phone when she told her we were splitting up.

WOW !! Its all just so hard to go from what seemed like an awesome life with a women I loved so very deeply, to this bottom of the world feeling.

I'm trying my best to not let her ruin me for life or pull me down deeper then I am at this point.......its hard, I've read a lot on here from some of the bigger poster's and a lot of them have some very good advice.......its just hard to accept it and stay on coarse with it.

I'm hurting really bad today, seems like there's just nothing positive or good in my future...........


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

She sounds like a certifiable whackjob. No offense. I agree with whoever said go dark, cut your losses, keep up with the 180, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say there were probably red flags throughout your relationship you missed, dismissed, or ignored when it came to this woman. In the 4 posts you've made, which have been quite descriptive of your wife, I haven't seen you name one positive quality or personality trait that she has. And don't get involved with someone who is already married or in a relationship. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Please do not make the same mistake with the next person you choose to be with. But it does sound like you're on the right path despite the pain you're going through.


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Jasel said:


> She sounds like a certifiable whackjob. No offense. I agree with whoever said go dark, cut your losses, keep up with the 180, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say there were probably red flags throughout your relationship you missed, dismissed, or ignored when it came to this woman. In the 4 posts you've made, which have been quite descriptive of your wife, I haven't seen you name one positive quality or personality trait that she has. And don't get involved with someone who is already married or in a relationship. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Please do not make the same mistake with the next person you choose to be with. But it does sound like you're on the right path despite the pain you're going through.


Well, I guess I didnt bring up all the good qualities in her because I didnt see that as a problem....YES, your right looking back there have been some flags that I missed but only small ones.....the changing of her name, should of REALLY STOOD OUT, but I went with what she said, she just didnt like it, and never has......

When we met She had been married for 24 years and begged her husband to go to get some counsiling for 3 years, he wouldnt, so when I came along, she decided to leave.......she said she would have left regardless, but I think I was just a reason to make it more justifiable in her mind........ironically, now she says she's texting her ex after 7 1/2 years, and he's "encouraging her" .......I guess to move on or maybe to go back to him, she says she wont ever go back to him........but she also said we would be together until the day we died......

Trust me, I dont think I will ever be with another women again.....I dont mean Im switching teams, I just cant ever see another women in my life......I'm starting to feel maybe she's right, no other women will want to be with me, I guess if your told your Shi% long enough, you start to beleave it.

I really dont have much to offer, I'm pretty screwed up now, Im sure I've got serious trust issues etc.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Shawn-m, I don't want you uttering or even thinking "I really don't have much to offer" again. Times are tough right now, I am sure - but with a little time, The TAM Carwash, some adjustments you are going to be better than ever.

She's one person - her perception means squat. You are who you want to be. Make it so. 

Its time to rediscover yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

ReGroup said:


> Shawn-m, I don't want you uttering or even thinking "I really don't have much to offer" again. Times are tough right now, I am sure - but with a little time, The TAM Carwash, some adjustments you are going to be better than ever.
> 
> She's one person - her perception means squat. You are who you want to be. Make it so.
> 
> ...


WOW!!! While that sounds amazing, it seems impossible to get there, but I do agree, its time to rediscover myself, i feel her pull me down a little farther each time she speaks.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shawn-m said:


> WOW!!! While that sounds amazing, it seems impossible to get there, but I do agree, its time to rediscover myself, i feel her pull me down a little farther each time she speaks.


Give us a little more info Shawn.

How old are you?

What's your story?


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Give us a little more info Shawn.
> 
> How old are you?
> 
> What's your story?


I'm 39, my wife is 52, .............my story......I guess this is my third serious relationship, first marriage for me, I expected it to be my only one.....

I've never been depressed or on drugs or anything negitive.......this is the most horrible thing I have every had to experience, Im at work sitting at my desk in tears, I cant stop wanting to repair this, but I also know I cant fix her, she needs to do that on her own, "if" its even possible. or with professional help, but how long might that take.


She keeps telling me, if I just gave in and gave her more money, it would be a lot easier for her to try for a future for US.......I know thats bull, but its playing on me.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shawn-m said:


> I'm 39, my wife is 52, .............my story......I guess this is my third serious relationship, first marriage for me, I expected it to be my only one.....
> 
> I've never been depressed or on drugs or anything negitive.......this is the most horrible thing I have every had to experience, Im at work sitting at my desk in tears, I cant stop wanting to repair this, but I also know I cant fix her, she needs to do that on her own, "if" its even possible. or with professional help, but how long might that take.
> 
> ...


You sound seriously codependent.

Are you in therapy?


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Don't believe it for a second. Spend that money on another, more privileged woman. 

She's Cruella de Ville, buddy. You'll realize this in a few more weeks or months.

She's 52? I know it's not about age, but listen find yourself someone younger or closer in age and start something right. Start a family if you want.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Shawn,

Hard to believe but your still young! Don't let this she devil drag you down any further and STOP talking to her.

Tell her to email or text you for issues regarding the divorce and divisiona of asets ONLY! Do not answer any calls from her or make any to her.

If you're not in counseling yet to help you deal with this, make an appointmnet today. Also see your dr. and ask if there's something he coulld prescribe on a short term basis to help you cope with this pain.

Hang in there!


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Conrad said:


> You sound seriously codependent.
> 
> Are you in therapy?


I could be codependent......I'm seeing that a little more each day, but I thought it was because of how much I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.....you could be right.....I dont think much about or of myself these days.


Yes, I'm in therapy......only had 3 sessions so far......I'm seeing a different counsilor today.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shawn-m said:


> I could be codependent......I'm seeing that a little more each day, but I thought it was because of how much I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.....you could be right.....I dont think much about or of myself these days.
> 
> 
> Yes, I'm in therapy......only had 3 sessions so far......I'm seeing a different counsilor today.


Take a look at this:

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

First off, thank you to all of you for trying to help and support me, I went to my first meeting with a new counseler today, she listened and only said a few things.

The things she said to me felt like I was getting shot at point blank range......maybe it was because she was not holding anything back and maybe its because its pretty much the same things that all most everyone has been telling me.....

She actually stopped me at one point and told me these exact words..."Your wife is Bat **** Crazy".......I'm worried about your saftey, get out of the house, cut off all contact with her, unless its a must , do to seperation and lawyers........dont text her or call her........And she wants me to get to a doctor to get something to help me sleep, and to take away this roller coaster of emotions.

I asked her if this marriage could be fixed and she said, NOT untill your wife address'es her MAJOR issues, and at this time she doesnt even think any of this was or is her fault, so NO.....

She told me to RUN !!! She said she will help me for a year ( do to insurance) and she can fix me, but that even if we did get back together, it will NEVER be the same, and I will also have trust issues with her.

Im trying people, but I had something so wonderful, I just cant see past this......Im crushed again tonight, torn on trying to text her or call her, just to hear her voice.......I have another session next Tuesday......but I could use some more support untill then......I know the next 30 days will be a killer, but Im going to make a plan to be able to get through a day without crying and wanting to do anything to get her back, and try to accomplish it in the next 30 days......sooner would be a blessing, I just dont know where to get the strength from.......Shawn


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Read the link.

It's your autobiography

And - DO NOT CONTACT HER!


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Read the link.
> 
> It's your autobiography
> 
> And - DO NOT CONTACT HER!




Im actually on page 12 right now.......Thank you Conrad.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Shawn-m said:


> found out she checked in and right out within 20 mins


Who checks into a hotel for 20 minutes?


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

totamm said:


> Who checks into a hotel for 20 minutes?


I confronted her about this yesterday, and she told me she had hired a body gaurd to protect her from me, she had used her card to check in, and then he made her check out, and sign in under his name !!!! And she paid him the hotel fee in CASH !!!


Thats what she actually told me................


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shawn-m said:


> I confronted her about this yesterday, and she told me she had hired a body gaurd to protect her from me, she had used her card to check in, and then he made her check out, and sign in under his name !!!! And she paid him the hotel fee in CASH !!!
> 
> 
> Thats what she actually told me................


That sounds like a shix sandwich.

Slimey, and very unsatisfying


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Prepare for more BS coming from that woman's mouth - if you allow it.

Its why No Contact is important at this stage. She'll manipulate and control any conversation she has with you at this point.

You need to start sorting things out between your ears before you are ready to engage in any form of communication.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

1.) You need to realize that you do NOT "LOVE HER"...hell, you don't even KNOW her! You love the 'fake her' she "sold" you on...you are NOW seeing the REAL HER! Don't love that, DO YOU???

The lying, cheating, money-grubbing, man-using, trying-to-drain-your-business, staying-with-you-for-your-money-till-she-found-a-new-$$$-source vampire is the REAL HER. Please keep THAT in mind. Ain't nothin to love there! What you loved was a FAKE...smoke & mirrors...an illusion. She sold you a dream. YOU CAN MAKE A NEW DREAM FOR YOURSELF, Shawn-m!

2.) Read up on the 180 and START DOING IT NOW! You need to block your phone numbers (work, home, cell, fax) and emails from accepting incoming calls from her. If you have NO CHILDREN together, then she has NOTHING to contact you about. She can tell it to YOUR LAWYER or HER LAWYER...your lawyer will get pertinent information TO YOU.

3.) Read '_Codependent No More_ by Melody Beattie (try your library, or amazon.com or kindle) and DO THE EXERCISES/QUESTIONS at the end of EVERY CHAPTER. By the end of the book, you'll have a MUCH BETTER GRASP on yourself!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Shawn,

I have to say that so far I really like your new counselor and they have told you exactly waht you needed to hear.

This woman is TOXIC to you! She's gone crazy and you are the target! Protect yourself physically. legally and financially as soon as possible.

Go dark on her NOW. Tell her contact is through your lawyer ONLY and then cease all comms!


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Shawn-m said:


> I confronted her about this yesterday, and she told me she had hired a body gaurd to protect her from me, she had used her card to check in, and then he made her check out, and sign in under his name !!!! And she paid him the hotel fee in CASH !!!
> 
> 
> Thats what she actually told me................


Wow,
I wonder if bodyguard is code for new boyfriend/ girlfriend?
Also, if you are wavering on giving her money while her attitude towards you is garbage,you are in serious trouble when she decides to go nice and flirty.

You need to toughen up and fast buddy, because something tells me you haven't seen the full spectrum of what she is capable of doing to you if and when she becomes desperate
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

ok, today ( so far ) has been my best day yet...I had zero communication with her and have done a lot of reading, I'm doing my best to have no contact, and if I do have to talk to her, it will be strickly about picking up something from the house, which I will do when shes not there, or to do with seperation agreement....( were trying our best to do the divideing of items on our own, lawyers will have a hay day if we fight ) 

Anyway I feel pretty decent today, but I've been super busy with work and reading links TAM supporters have provided me with.........I have a few important assets and items I have had to protect, through the law, the moment that the seperation agreement is signed there will be NO need to contact her for anything. And if there is I can get a friend to do.

She's not going to get anymore moeny out of me folks, if she wants more, I'm done and we can just let the courts sort it out, its in her best interest to NOT go that route, she's getting more this way, but I dont think she see's that........

I actually feel a bit releaved today, like I might actually be able to put her in my rear view mirror one day.....hopefully very soon.

I'm trying the 180, I have even read about 55 pages into a link Conrad sent me...........I do need some serious fixing, but I'm not completely hopeless, at least I dont think i am........thanks so much.......if I can make it to 11 pm tonight without contact, it will be a very good ending, to a first day of recovering.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Shawn,

How was your night?


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Toffer said:


> Shawn,
> 
> How was your night?


It was pretty close to being good.......Dhe ended up texting me at 10:20PM to start some bull****.......I replied with a fairly negitive comment, and her next text was 

" Never mind you dont need me".........I replied "your correct, I dont need or want you !!!! 


No more texts after that..........silence.......


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shawn-m said:


> It was pretty close to being good.......Dhe ended up texting me at 10:20PM to start some bull****.......I replied with a fairly negitive comment, and her next text was
> 
> " Never mind you dont need me".........I replied "your correct, I dont need or want you !!!!
> 
> ...


You still reading?


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Yes, I got to around page 55 last night.........went to lay down and was awaken but her text's........Lots of it makes sense......some of it doesnt really apply or been the way I've grown up and lived......that being said a lot of the Mr Nice Guy does apply to me....But I do seem to be codependent. 

I'm trying to break both of those issues......

I can say I'm NOT GOING BACK TO HER OR WITH HER, REGARDLESS OF WHAT SHE SAYS OR HELP SHE GETS, THERE"S BEEN TOO MUCH DAMAGE DONE, AND I WILL NOT LIVE WONDERING WHEN THE NEXT SHXX STORM IS COMING.......I DONT LIKE THE FEELING OF IT BEING OVER, BUT I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT AND THERE"S NO GOING BACK.

I just want this seperation agreement signed, and I can start to move forward. I see NO future of ever being with another women, or trusting one.......but I do see a future without her in my life, it feels like shxx, but so does the way this has all turned out.


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Really super BAD DAY TODAY, told her I needed a ownership signed or title for the Americans, she said no problem come by I'll sign it and we can go together Friday morning to DMV to have it gifted into your name.....

I showed up a little early to find another man sitting in my living room with her...........seems he works with her, and they were carpooling to work this evening........in the past locals have always car pooled together, but never have i seen this guy before........I let it go, it doesnt matter who shes doing im done........

What did really piXX me off, was a note I found in her hand writing, changing a bunch of the things we had agreed to, and looks like it was a copy she made to send to her lawyer, well, I guess I have hit the end of my Mr Nice guy, now we can shove that agreement in her..............now, I go to the court house, and file paperwork for what we call up here as an equalization payment, meaning, pretty much one spouse owes the other more money, and you need to come up with it in whatever manner necessary......now we can sell the house she was going to stay in and all the assets, and split it right down the centre.

Along with the fact I'm going after support payments, her pension, any single thing that I'm entitled to..........and in the end, when the lawyers have it all $$$ ...............I wont be in any different position then I am now.......but she will be !!!

Now shes texting me, asking " Are you OK" ??? What a piece of Shix.......wow, I can see this one is going to drag on for a very long time, and get very expensive.

I'm beyond angry tonight.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Anger is your enemy


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Anger is your enemy



This is the first time I have been angry, but I will control it and not allow it to control me, because after thinking about it, she's actual causing the anger, and in a sense shes the one thats controling me AGAIN.

Conrad, your not a man of many words, but the words you write seem very well thought out and calculated. With 8900 post's, i'd be foolish not to listen to your advice.

I used to be a fairly inteligent man, but I feel I have lost sight of my inner strength and knowledge at this point.

Im not giving anymore assets or money, we all have a braking point, yesterday was mine.........I dont care what it cost's in the long run $$$......shes not going to have everything while I leave with my hat in my hand.

I do appriciate your help, and everyones comments and encouragement, IT IS HELPING ME !!!


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

*Update !!!*

Things have been pretty hard for me, there seems to be some damn reason that we have to talk every few days, I did get into a doctor and got a precription for this roller coaster of emmotions I seem to be riding.

That was a few weeks ago, and it has helped me a lot, I've only had about 4 really hard days in the last 3 weeks, YES it still hurts but I'm starting to see this as an outsider looking in, she signed the seperation agreement, now I have to sign and move my items, the second my things are out, I'm going dark !!!

I went for 7 days with zero contact and I started to feel good, no sick stomach, I actually felt like i had some self worth again.

Then she texts me about the lawyer and then calls and the battering and running me down starts again, its all my fault...........

I miss her when I look at her, but when she speaks, Im so glad this is done, I could NEVER live like this. I do need to heal, and Im trying, the threads on here are really life savers, thanks for the support, and please if anyone can help me shee the light at the end, I'd love the help and input.

Shawn


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Shawn, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Your story reminds me of two of my college friends. They met our freshman year, married maybe 8 years later, and divorced 4 or so years ago when the woman went totally crazy, joined a cult, and walked out. Husband was devastated. BUT, he re-grouped, got into his hobbies (even started growing his own grain for his home-brewed beer!), and is now remarried to a lovely woman. 

You'll get through this!


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## Shawn-m (Feb 15, 2013)

northernlights said:


> Shawn, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Your story reminds me of two of my college friends. They met our freshman year, married maybe 8 years later, and divorced 4 or so years ago when the woman went totally crazy, joined a cult, and walked out. Husband was devastated. BUT, he re-grouped, got into his hobbies (even started growing his own grain for his home-brewed beer!), and is now remarried to a lovely woman.
> 
> You'll get through this!


Seems real hard to see anything as positive as re-marrying again.......at this point......But it also felt 3 weeks ago that I could not live another day, and here I am still getting up each day to face it and try to find some good in all of this........I cant tell you how many times I pick up the phone to text or call her each day, but I dont, I know it cant work............

Im having a super hard time imagining there is anyone out there for me again, not sure why that feeling is sooooo strong, but it is.

i doubt everything anymore, and probably wouldnt be much good to any women, I feel like I need to go right back to the begining of ME and try to figure out what really makes me happy........I know I have become a co-dependent man and thats NOT a good thing, she on the other hand can hardly remember my name.......


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