# MEN...do you wish your wives LESS EMOTIONAL -how do you handle the roller coaster?



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This question was asked in the Ladies section by Just Wondering...


> Do you wish you had a LD husband?


Many women do not want the HD....thinking of the FLIP SIDE of this... 

Do men wish their wives were LESS EMOTIONAL  ... or is this something they cherish about the feminine? Possibly depending on the circumstances I suppose, if they are emotional FOR YOU because they love you... or get too emotional over what you deem "insignificant" little things. 

I know men see this as a weakness in other men big time... but how do you feel about it ...in women... do you enjoy the role of comforting when she is teary eyed, feeling down or you want to push her off on a friend, call her sister .... or see it as an inconvenience you have to muddle through...wanting to immediately FIX? 

As for my husband... he LOVES my emotional drippy side, I think he sees enough of the other (assertive , confident , bi***y)....this gives me some balance I suppose...I can tear up within a few lines of a Love Song...talking about us, often he'll say "get a grip!" with a big ... and get me :rofl: Pms... could just be something I am thinking... I can feel the cloud hovering. 

It seems with myself... no matter what the feeling is.... it tends to be rather intense...passionate even...but that goes for ANGER just the same as Love & Lust ....so it is not always a bowl of roses by any means. I know us women have our moments...at least I do! 

But still - he has told me...he wouldn't take this away - will take the good along with the bad...heck I even balled when he told me that, his saying ....it wouldn't be "ME" otherwise. He knows how to sweet talk it I guess ! But true, my husband is a more emotional guy -being high on the beta scale...and well ... rather patient too....I need a man like that! 

So what about you other men ...your thoughts on women's emotions...the good, the bad, the ugly... you cherish or you would change ??


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I wish my dog could pick banjo while playing the harmonica. Sadly, they only come one way.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I know *I* wish I was less emotional sometimes - and better able to "pick my battles" - BUT my access to emotions is something my husband has said he cherishes about me. He is nowhere near the emotional or sentimental side of things, that may be why.

I wish he were more emotional, but I accept him for who he is. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> I wish my dog could pick banjo while playing the harmonica. Sadly, they only come one way.


This does not at all surprise me Unbelievable - as I almost used one of your quotes in this opening thread...your words on the "ugly truth about men " thread ... You said >>


> e. we don't hear 80% of what you say. Pretending to listen is our plan to get you in the sack.


Appreciate the honesty!


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I don't have an issue with the emotions themselves.

The issue is when identical situations generate vastly different emotional reactions.

A joke one day is funny, the next day it is reason for anger, the next day it is a reason to pout. Then, the absence of the same joke gets turned into a lack of humor.

It's like playing a game where no one told me the rules, the rules are fluid according to her whims, and I am wearing a blindfold.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I love it and i cherish it i guess its something i like about the female and the feminine side. My wife is not selfish she is not a liar and she is not irrational. At times i dislike when we argue and i prove her wrong and lets say the facts and evidence all point to her being wrong she often takes it personal and will be like "okay whatever" or "okay your right" but instead of it being calm its like often "uuuuuuuhh" that feeling she gives her body language at least.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Goldmember357 said:


> I love it and i cherish it i guess its something i like about the female and the feminine side. My wife is not selfish she is not a liar and she is not irrational. At times i dislike when we argue and i prove her wrong and lets say the facts and evidence all point to her being wrong she often takes it personal and will be like "okay whatever" or "okay your right" but instead of it being calm its like often "uuuuuuuhh" that feeling she gives her body language at least.


 I enjoy a little conflict sometimes (we have bad days but generally our fights are so retarded that we end up laughing about them half way through the rediculousness)....... I never lie (sometimes I likely should suger coat, I can be rough with the truth!).... never been passive aggressive a day in my life (Could likely use some of that).... Don't think anyone would call me irrational....Reason is my GOD.... I can be very humble about my own faults....I strive to forgive as well as be forgiven, I refuse to blame shift, even if I look bad, I will take my lumps. 

Can I be a little selfish sometimes .... yeah ......but if he listens to me... hears me out, if we reason together... once I feel heard & understood, this greatly calms me...and Peace floods me once again. Some of that selfishness just melts away....of course If I want his body, he is not going to win! Ha ha 

I have never "needed" to call a friend, he was always there.... the 1st one I run too. Most of my hurt over the years has been external forces outside of our family... rarely from my husband's hand. 

Nice to hear some men "cherish" it !


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

its not fun for me, and i have a teenage daughter, which is simply magical when both of their emotions meld into a serendipitous goo


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would think just like sex drive some women are more emotional than others and I wish my wifes emotions were less and her sex drive was more! LOL.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> I would think just like sex drive some women are more emotional than others and I wish my wifes emotions were less and her sex drive was more! LOL.


I agree with this ....and much is related to inborn temperments as well. A Phlegmatic temperment is likely going to be less outright emotional than a Melancholy temperment. I got a dose of (2) of what they term the "hard" temperments ... the raging choleric and the sensitive Melancholy. 

This would explain my assertive aggressive take charge side... then the drippy sappy sensitive side as well. (the Choleric is LESS emotional whereas the Melancholy IS EMOTIONAL - so this evens me out some, so I am not totally over the top. I can always control my emotions, but when they are loving & with my husband, I would rather give in to them. I don't think I have ever cried at a funeral , for instance. 

If you happen to marry a Sanguine /Melancholy, you will have a DOUBLE emotional woman. If you happen to marry a Choleric /Plegmatic woman, you will have a MINUS in the emotonal - as these are the (2) unemotional temperments. 

Scroll down to the middle of this page... can compare all of these things ...also self esteem , quick & slow reactions, which is naturally Pessimistic vs Optimistic as well. 

 4 Temperments 
.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I don't mind the emotional roller coaster as long as its not every day AND appropriate for the situation. There are times when we have to be adults and deal with the situation and cry about it later. 

One example I vividly remember was when our son was 2 and he stepped on an ant hill at the park. The ants started to bite him, and my exw just lost it and started crying and froze up. I ran over, took off his clothes in five seconds and hosed him off with water almost naked (poor guy) while she is still hyperventilating.

After about what seemed like an eternity she came over and comforted him while I got a blanket and took him home. After things calmed down I asked her what happened at the park to her and she said she was "overwhelmed with anxiety" and froze up. She got angry at me for even asking about it. 

Emotions are healthy but they need to be under control. There is nothing more sexy and attractive than a woman that is feminine and knows how to handle herself when it matters.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Actually, both of us are emotional. We both are passionate, feel very deeply, and are very sentimental (maybe because we both have artistic temperaments). I love that about her, she loves that about me. I guess I am not a typical guy in this way. I love chick flicks and I can get teary eyed at commercials! Hey, it has worked for us for almost 40 years. I guess you could say we are riding on the same roller coaster!


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

No, I do not. I'm comfortable with my emotions and, in general, the emotional landscape around me. Much more concerning though is how this would squelch Carol. I do make changes to Carol on occasion but this... this would be making her less Carol-esque... an automatically bad thing.


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## do_ob (Apr 13, 2012)

I hate the roller coaster and want to get off the ride.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

romantic_guy said:


> Actually, both of us are emotional. We both are passionate, feel very deeply, and are very sentimental (maybe because we both have artistic temperaments). I love that about her, she loves that about me. I guess I am not a typical guy in this way. I love chick flicks and I can get teary eyed at commercials! Hey, it has worked for us for almost 40 years. I guess you could say we are riding on the same roller coaster!


I LOVE this Romantic_Guy....this doesn't surprise me at all coming from you......I picked you out early on, could tell by every word in your posts- you were a Hopeless Romantic ..... and yeah... my husband is the same... though he's never gotten teary eyed at commercials.... that is just me....especially those darn Hallmark card ones! 

I think he has over movies though (Geeze I am not sure! ) ....and yeah... bring those Chick Flicks on...he enjoys them right along side me.  

I deeply deeply love these things about him too... We are riding the same roller coaster as well ! :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sanity said:


> I don't mind the emotional roller coaster as long as its not every day AND appropriate for the situation. There are times when we have to be adults and deal with the situation and cry about it later.
> 
> One example I vividly remember was when our son was 2 and he stepped on an ant hill at the park. The ants started to bite him, and my exw just lost it and started crying and froze up. I ran over, took off his clothes in five seconds and hosed him off with water almost naked (poor guy) while she is still hyperventilating.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing this little story.... sounds like your Ex was having a some form of a Panic attack there. 

This is how I am.... So long as nothing is "serious" requiring Medical Intervention...or if we just had a scary thing happen (like your story here)..... in the moment you just ACT, there is no time for emotion, there is an *adrenaline rush *taking place... would be for me & my husband....

Then I would feel so relieved...crisis ended....he is fine...I would be as calm as calm could possibly be....and SO THANKFUL! My only question might be - could these bites cause him some kind of issue....& when I hit the door, I'd be hopping online to read my little heart out - to get this question answered.

I don't get worked up .... if my kids fall off their bike....a little blood...I know even if their mouth is oozing blood- scary site...but generally looks WAY worse than it is..... rarely do they need stiches... big knocker on the head (I would tell myself this is a GOOD sign!)... I might be a little irritated if we were planning to get pictures the next day though. 

When they get hurt, limping....I say ...."Can you walk?" ...If so, I tell them they are fine...I feel relieved...and I go about my business.... no big deal.... healing will be in a few days... very calm... even if I found a snake in the house....I wouldn't even get excited over that- unless it bit someone....

However....I would likely "loose it" *big time *if I just heard news one of our kids was in a Serious car accident ...I'd be a bonafide Basketcase till I learned he/she was going to be OK.

If I heard they'd never be the same again... or they might not make it....I would surely pass out right there, never experieced this & hope I never do! 

But the small insignificant things... they slide right off of me. I might be worried about the Doctor Bills though!

My question is always this.... *Will life be the same tomorrow, next week, a full recovery in the works..... despite this happened ? *If the answer is Yes... I treat it with a  on my face, a bandaid, thankful we dodged a bullet... and get back to living near immediately. 

Or if an acquaintance friend might have hurt me -with words or judgement..... I may get all worked up for a time, but then I ask.... do I really need this person in my life, why do I care so damn [email protected]#$%.... and I work it out of my psyche... and let it go.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

It’s both cherished and hated... On the cherished side, I can’t explain it, but I find it very attractive. The little cute pouting, the emotional lashings as she goes off the deep end, etc. Feeling it and seeing it just sort of helps me feel all that more alive.

The downside is before she worked on herself, she held grudges. These over-magnifications of things to send her on an emotional spiral out of control. It played a large part in her adultery. And me, back then, would try and just pacify.. The problem with this is she never really owned up to her going overboard. There just weren’t those ramifications. So, she’d rage... I’d cheer her up, and was slowly ground down until finally I didn’t have it in me to cheer her up anymore... I was miserable. She put me in charge of her happiness and I crumbled under that load....

Now it’s a different dynamic. I worked hard on myself and took ownership of my own emotions... She can’t “make me” feel, only I can and can choose how to perceive the situation. I just prefer to see her as insane; not in a bad way, but a ‘this is her’ sort of way. Therefore; I get to role play the overly dramatic martyr when she leaves the reservation... I get to be her whipping post, letting her dish it out and egging her on. All without really taking it personally and as a ‘defining moment’ of our relationship. And she... She’s learned to see this in herself. Particularly when I do drive her right over that edge intentionally. At which point it all becomes comical. Her insanity, and me messing around with the mentally challenged. It is bonding... She can be her crazy self without me judging her. I just accept this overly emotional state is just part of her & cherish it. 

Can’t say it’s always easy. Sometimes it takes awhile for her to see her emotional insanity. In the meantime, I’ve taught myself a variety of tools to deal with it, and myself from letting it become harmful to me. I do wish I could figure out how to encourage the passionate lover side though and continue to work there... It’s just a lot easier to push her to anger, rage, depression, fear, sorrow, etc... I’ve always been able to make her laugh.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Racer said:


> It’s both cherished and hated... On the cherished side, I can’t explain it, but I find it very attractive. The little cute pouting, the emotional lashings as she goes off the deep end, etc. Feeling it and seeing it just sort of helps me feel all that more alive.
> 
> The downside is before she worked on herself, she held grudges. These over-magnifications of things to send her on an emotional spiral out of control. It played a large part in her adultery. And me, back then, would try and just pacify.. The problem with this is she never really owned up to her going overboard. There just weren’t those ramifications. So, she’d rage... I’d cheer her up, and was slowly ground down until finally I didn’t have it in me to cheer her up anymore... I was miserable. She put me in charge of her happiness and I crumbled under that load....
> 
> ...


That’s what passive aggressives do. If you are passive aggressive and manipulating her emotions in such extremely distasteful ways careful she doesn’t find out as she’ll likely send you packing.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

AFEH said:


> That’s what passive aggressives do. If you are passive aggressive and manipulating her emotions in such extremely distasteful ways careful she doesn’t find out as she’ll likely send you packing.


You misunderstand; It’s a ramification, not a manipulation to “get her back”. When for instance, she goes off the rails because of something minor like loading the dishwasher “wrong”, I jump on that crazy train and escalate. Quite frankly, her whole ‘crazy complaint’ is ludicrous to begin with. It isn’t even about the dishwasher really, its about her feeling frustrated and angry and the dishwasher is just the excuse to pull the trigger and let loose. The old her wouldn’t see this about herself... In her mind, it was about me loading the dishwasher wrong and how stupid I was.

The old me would tuck his tail and reload the dishwasher trying to avoid the stupid fight..... and then do the passive/aggressive because I resented it. So I’d find something just as petty and make snide, snarky comments, the silent treatment, go for a long drive, etc.. It’s about “getting her back” and that “I’ll show her!”. That is passive/aggressive. That is not what I do now. On those occasions I fought back, I would defend myself using reason. She just learned to escalate until I’d cave... Afterall, no sane person would file for divorce over which way the forks go into the basket....

Then I had that light bulb moment. You can not reason with the insane, and they really want to be heard and be ‘right’ because they are blinded by emotion. So now my goal is no longer trying to defend or absolve myself. My goal is for her to see and recognize she is not sane at these moments. So, I hop on that crazy train and escalate to deal-breaker proportions. I intentionally poke the badger, and feed that fire. Nothing she can say or do will hurt me... I find humor in the attempt. At some point, somewhere in her head, a little voice chimes in where she sees herself as insane for taking ‘how a fork goes into the basket’ to these monumental relationship defining moments. She’ll stomp off. And, she’ll eventually regain her composure and apologize; even going so far as to thank me for cleaning the kitchen and knowing she shouldn’t try and control ‘my way’ of doing things when I'm trying to help...

I’m probably better at bringing out the negative emotions simply because she is better at expressing them. Affection, love, etc., and how she does this is much more subtle and hard for me to identify. Anger, rage, etc. is easy


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

It sounds to me like you both have weird anger management processes. Certainly far from healthy processes.

Angry people most certainly find it difficult to express affection and love etc. Most especially to the person they’re angry at! In fact anger can totally and absolutely eclipse any love and affection that may be there.

It sounds like you know it’s probably a lot more to do than with the dishwasher, so don’t get sidelined by that. If it is the dishwasher then she’s a pathologically angry person and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about that. Change has to come from deep inside of her. Other than set healthy boundaries on her abusive behaviour.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Because I’ve been consistent about this over the last couple years, she’s changed. She has had to ‘re-evaluate’ why she might pick a fight. Reflection and self-awareness has entered the picture. So, we don’t have the dishwasher fights anymore. If she’s frustrated or upset, she doesn’t stalk around looking for a fight so she has an excuse to rage. We do have some ‘key words’ like starting with “Just venting”, or “I need to get something off my chest” and letting her go off insanely about something that is bothering her. When I hear those words, I know my role is a whipping post. She doesn’t seriously believe what she’s saying and knows she’s ‘out there’... But it helps to just puke it all out. And I won’t take it personally or hold onto that resentment. You’ve seen the same thing here on these forums... Just raging to get it out there feels good, even when you know you are probably thinking irrationally about it and overwhelmed by emotions.

After this tsunami passes, we do laugh at ourselves.... This is the point. She can be herself and drop the mask and the act of how she wants me to see her. She can let me see her insane side and I don’t reject her or run; I embrace it all. She’s not really insane, just blinded by overwhelming emotions at times. Once they pass, she is your normal smart, attractive, funny, rational person to be around. 

The only problem is she’s also ‘crossed the line’ a few times and made it personal... There are ramifications to that.

It isn’t dysfunctional at all. It is a ton better than our old way of trying to bury the emotional tidal wave and leaving it inside to just fester away unresolved and unvoiced; that led to the passive/aggressive. If she uses those key words or approaches in an overly emotional state, I just don’t take her seriously (regardless of her intentions)... I do remember and reflect to see if there is some element of validity. So she’s also had to learn if she wants to be taken seriously, she needs to use a rational approach and have a discussion. Only then will I actually seriously consider doing something she wants from me and discuss it with her. That is healthier than the ‘tantrums’ of old to get her way.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Addendum.. And this is also how I ‘replaced’ her need for her OM. They were who she would rage to about issues in our marriage. She absolutely knows she overly magnified the issues in her head, but needed to ‘puke’ it out. And she knew I could and would blow holes through her ‘crazy’ thoughts; I knew the reality, they only knew her side. So rather than face these thoughts and ‘be judged’ by me, counterpointed, and shown the hypocracy... she vented to others who’d just be her ‘yes men’ and just let her vent and puke it out without an argument. This is how all of these relationships started. Some became friendships, others wanted more than that and used this information to drive a wedge and gaslight her into believing it with “If I were him, I’d not blah, blah, blah poor you..”.

This is the downside of an overly emotional spouse. They want to be heard regardless; they do not want to be told they are wrong. Hence why this works for me... I’m not telling her she’s wrong or arguing back; I’m just pushing those thoughts so she recognizes how overboard she’s gone and can correct that process in herself.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

My wife is similar to me in that she is usually very down to earth and doesn't get emotional about most things...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I want to clarify my earlier post. Yes we are both emotional, and deep feeling, however that rarely translates into hurt feelings between us or arguments. Our arguments are extremely rare, and my wife is pretty even in her emotions, at least the ones that would cause her to get angry, hurt, or offended at the things I do. We simply choose to ignore the little annoyances that most couples let come between them. It drives me crazy to have dirty dishes laying in the sink, so instead of getting angry, I just take care of it. I am sure that there are little things like that that drive her crazy about me. I just don't know what they are. Even her PMS time is not all that bad because she knows why it is happening (that will be ending soon anyway). All this to say that I guess we really don't have much of a roller coaster in regard to her emotions. I am probably more that way than she is (no probably about it!).


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Jeff74 said:


> My wife is similar to me in that she is usually very down to earth and doesn't get emotional about most things...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife is down to earth as well, not at all prone to big mood swings.

My mother on the other hand... very up and down (to say she's expressive would make expressive people seem mild  ). I have a love/hate relationship with her emotions. Most of the time it's fun or loving (depending on her mood being up or down, but when I feel she's being unreasonable... not so much.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I asked my husband this and his answer was, "Your ability to feel everything all the time is beautiful."

Awwww. OK maybe he was just saying that because it was me asking and he didn't want me to get all emotional. haha


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Trenton said:


> I asked my husband this and his answer was, "Your ability to feel everything all the time is beautiful."


Love his words to you ! :smthumbup: I was really hoping you would answer on here Trenton... cause I know you are one of those who are HIGH EXPRESSIVE ....and ....well...generally "emotional" goes hand in hand. Personally I feel when emotions are guided, not overly in the negative (they don't have to be)... directed into something of praise/ Good/ honorable....it then becomes a strength... a Passion if you will. 

Wikapedia calls Passion an EMOTION....."Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something". >>  Passion (emotion) 

Emotion causes







when it fires us for a cause, some purpose under the sun.... like your many years of Volunteering to help the less fortunate (your husband admires that)... this is your Passion for change, for helping......you get emotional about it...you have a guided purpose. 

I find it beautiful too!! 

*** I found this article....breaks it down some.... Mind Matters: Passion & Emotion

At the bottom it said.. "The real issue I think should be focused more on the balance between the two - a person with passion and no emotional responses will usually be a dictator, yet a emotional person with no passion will be normally be non productive. Healthy people have usually have a balance of the two".


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

I just noticed just recently (within the past few years) that I am extremely emotional during that time of the month. To a point that I am irrational about things I usually don't care about. This is something my husband needed to know so he wouldn't take me so seriously and to help me be more level headed. Maybe this is what you are going through? 

It's the price men and women pay for women ability to carry child.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Love Song said:


> I just noticed just recently (within the past few years) that I am extremely emotional during that time of the month. To a point that I am irrational about things I usually don't care about. This is something my husband needed to know so he wouldn't take me so seriously and to help me be more level headed. Maybe this is what you are going through?
> 
> It's the price men and women pay for women ability to carry child.


Oh Ill take a stab at this... you sound a little like ME.. .Personally I never even seemed to have or ever noticed PMS till I hit my 40's & my hormones went HAYWIRE...... in many ways. We also noticed..... boy oh boy..... those few days before it starts, my husband would joke ....he needs to put me in a cage with duct tape over my mouth. 









It is like everything is suddenly MAGNIFIED......I will cry at the drop of a hat, a small worry may become larger... like my brain gets stuck on a hamsters wheel... I guess this is our "cingulate gyrus" becoming "overactive" during that time with the hormones shifting, this is what they claim. 

I feel this cloud hovering...I can recognize it now for what it is... I tend to be more snappy with the kids...and I might pick a fight with my husband... who never deserves it. He puts up with me so very well.

It seems with me, even if I bring some conflict (usually over some little insignificant thing that doesn't bother me all month long)... once we talk it all , this cloud completely disappears, and I am GOOD to go, like it was never there at all.... and sometimes I glide through the month and it didn't seem to affect me, these are likely the times something didn't "irritate" me & I ran with it...like a snow ball getting larger & larger as it rolls down the hill. It is hit or miss with me. 

Some interesting articles on these things.....

Images of PMS – Amen Clinics 

Brain Changes During Menstruation Prove PMS & PMDD are Contrived

Periods Effect Women's Brains


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I agree with this ....and much is related to inborn temperments as well. A Phlegmatic temperment is likely going to be less outright emotional than a Melancholy temperment. I got a dose of (2) of what they term the "hard" temperments ... the raging choleric and the sensitive Melancholy.
> 
> This would explain my assertive aggressive take charge side... then the drippy sappy sensitive side as well. (the Choleric is LESS emotional whereas the Melancholy IS EMOTIONAL - so this evens me out some, so I am not totally over the top. I can always control my emotions, but when they are loving & with my husband, I would rather give in to them. I don't think I have ever cried at a funeral , for instance.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Temperament can be a part of it. As generally a phlegmatic, I don't have really big swings in emotion - but that is one of the things that my H always compliments me on as he seems to like that (he falls into the choleric category) ...while I've had other people (usually friends) tell me I'm not emotional enough. 

I do think that when people are aware of themselves, and what their actions/emotions can do to others, they can learn to control themselves and not fly off at others if they choose to, regardless of their temperament. We don't necessarily have to be slaves to our emotions or our temperaments...or at least the more negative aspects of those.

In many cases, healthy positive emotions are just that ... healthy and positive to our relationships. I think that showing that positive side of it in your marriage can be very beneficial.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> Temperament can be a part of it. As generally a phlegmatic, I don't have really big swings in emotion - but that is one of the things that my H always compliments me on as he seems to like that (he falls into the choleric category) ...while I've had other people (usually friends) tell me I'm not emotional enough.


 Enchantment & husband .... Another fine example of the Choleric /Phleg working well in marraige. :smthumbup: 

Personality Compatibility: Phlegmatic - Choleric Match

I sometimes wish my husband was more of a "challenge" to me -(but hey, I got my friends & kids).... He IS sensitive and deep feeling...but not high tempered... very calm...cool... laid back type soul.....but this has it's unique & wonderful ability to calm my jets when needed. 

I have a great appreciation for what he brings....he gets me laughing about myself near always...he likes to make fun of me when I am a little over the top..... one time in the Grocery store, this Cashier was an idiot, screwed my coupons all up, neither of us cared for her attitude...and I was ranting about it walking to the car.....he says to me ..."you need some valuim"... you know, how do you not laugh at that, he's right !! It's a small thing. Life is bliss. He snaps me out of it - when need be. 

And he would say ...he enjoys the firey feistieness in me... calls me his "Roller Derby woman"......this is exactly how I get his jets firing! He invites the "revving". 

Some things just work well... who says opposites don't attract. In Temperments... it can be a glorious thing if you understand each other & can appreciate these differences. Now, Love Languages, that is another story altogether... best to be matched with what you are.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> I would have never fallen deeply in love with my wife if she wasn't emotional.
> 
> Sometimes I need a strong firm no nonsense woman. A woman that holds me accountable, has high standards and lets me know when I fall short.
> 
> ...


Like Dean, I cherish my wife's emotional nature. She works in life and death health crisis's as a part of her job, and frankly, responds much better than I do to a crisis, so I would never say that her emotional side is a negative. 

I came from such a cold family. Lived with my grandmother for a time, and she was a great woman, brimming with love for the people in her life. THAT's the characteristic I wanted in a marriage.

My wife has been through such grief, losing her grandparents, parents, and her brother in a very short span of years. She would scold herself for ruining so many of my shirts when I held her as she cried, but I always felt like her willingness to let me comfort her made us so much closer. She helped me learn to understand my adult daughter, also, who sometimes calls from college just because she needs to hear my voice, even though the moment I say something, she starts crying.

There's a new phone commercial where a mother and daughter are crying as they talk about being seperated due to the daughter's college. Since they are speaking cry-talk, there are captions at the bottom of the screen, and they make their way to a mobile phone, talking through tears about buying that phone.... Everytime it comes on, my wife looks at me and says, "Don't say it ..."

Have to admit that every romantic comedy in our video collection is mine, though. I'm a sucker for them.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Love his words to you ! :smthumbup: I was really hoping you would answer on here Trenton... cause I know you are one of those who are HIGH EXPRESSIVE ....and ....well...generally "emotional" goes hand in hand. Personally I feel when emotions are guided, not overly in the negative (they don't have to be)... directed into something of praise/ Good/ honorable....it then becomes a strength... a Passion if you will.
> 
> Wikapedia calls Passion an EMOTION....."Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something". >>  Passion (emotion)
> 
> ...


This has its downside though. When I am not deep within my passion and able to direct all of that emotion, I am *quite *challenging. My husband has seen me both ways and actually fell in love with me before I had found how best to channel my emotions into a passion for change. He still loved me deeply but I do think it is easier for him when all of that expressive emotion is not aimed directly at him. :rofl:

Although, just tonight after coming home late from an anti-hate seminar, he spoke to me about how he misses having me around and sent me a txt this morning about how he feels disconnected from me and needs for me to make time for him.

No matter how you look at it, it is about balance. Right now I have to reign it in a wee bit and appreciate him. He's directly telling me he feels neglected. The fact that he's able to do this is seriously HUGE for us. I've never seen him be so direct before and it is so refreshing.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

When all the emotions come out as anger, it gets a little tedious


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