# Is cheating genetic?



## Bafuna (Aug 13, 2012)

Is cheating in the genes,is my son likely to be a cheat like his dad? What should I do, I cant stand the thought!!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Genetic? No. But if he sees his father do it and is not remorseful or admits his mistake- then it could be "like father like son".

If son is very young, then you can set the example and when he is old enough to understand do not hide the truth about what happened.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

My father cheated on my mother when I was a kid. They divorced. My father wasn't remorseful at all. In fact he married the OW. And yet I am here because my wife cheated on me. No way it's genetic. I would never, could never. Just not who I am.

I thank my mother for raising me to be the man I am today. That being said, if your ex raises him, tells him it is OK to cheat, or doesn't say it's not OK, who's to say the child won't grow up and do it? I believe it's all about upbringing. Just my 2 cents.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I don't agree with "genetic",, maybe a "learned behavior",, yes. My H's father was a serial cheater,, his mother stayed with him through every indiscretion.... until he met "the one" then he just up and left her...

My H says he never knew of his dad's infidelity... yet he was doing the same thing with his previous wife, and then he met me,, ( told me he was already separated)... divorced her for me. 

Now we are divorcing because of same reason above.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bafuna said:


> Is cheating in the genes,is my son likely to be a cheat like his dad? What should I do, I cant stand the thought!!


It could be learned behaviour. So teach him well. Hopefully he will be OK.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

You would think so. Both my husband and his sister are cheaters.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

I think it's a combination nature, nuture and individual choices.

Nature: I think personality traits have a strong genetic component, and the ones that contribute to cheating eg:narcissism, are inherited to some extent.

Nuture: yes bad behaviour can be learnt from role models.

Choices: At the end of the day, people know what they're doing when they cheat. They choose to be disgusting.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

It's genetic but not in the way most people think of it. You don't have a "cheater gene" per se. But what you do have is a drive that exists in all of us to search for suitable partners. That drive isn't turned off when you have a mate. But you can choose to ignore it until you need it or to let your life be run by it.

Education and experience goes a long way in preventing cheating, or make it more likely.


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## Kanga (Sep 5, 2012)

Gosh I would hope not. I would hate to think that my 3 sons would hurt someone the way I've been hurt. I wonder what and when I should tell them about my experience.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Bafuna said:


> Is cheating in the genes,is my son likely to be a cheat like his dad? What should I do, I cant stand the thought!!


There actually are some reputable studies that appear to strongly suggest that there are monogamy genes and cheating genes. 

It depends on how much oxytocin a person releases when involved with their mate. 

Cheaters tend to genetically release less and those who are monogamous release more. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone.

My STBEH's father cheated on his mother. 

If one or even both parents are cheating prone, I doubt their offspring will always inherit that gene, They may inherit loyal uncle harry's genes. 

Still, a parent who has cheated is a red flag for a potential cheater, but not a given.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

My experience...

Dear ol' dad was a serial cheater, and I supposedly have a half sister, conceived while my mom was carrying me. I'm coming up on 20 years in my marriage, with the last 5+ being rough, and I have never cheated.

My sis (not the half sis), on the verge of wrecking her 3rd marriage, is a serial cheater.

Cheating genes or not, it's still a choice we make.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> It's genetic but not in the way most people think of it. You don't have a "cheater gene" per se. But what you do have is a drive that exists in all of us to search for suitable partners. That drive isn't turned off when you have a mate. But you can choose to ignore it until you need it or to let your life be run by it.
> 
> Education and experience goes a long way in preventing cheating, or make it more likely.


You're right, the gene is actually a gene that influences the release and level of oxytocin.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Gene variants that are connected to vasopressin and oxytocin amounts and receptor quantity have been studied as possible "cheater genes" but so far studies indicate that the variants we have found so far are not good predictors of the behavior. About as much people with them cheat as do people without them. So although we can theoretically deduce that these genes may have something to do with it, this mental construct isn't really supported by real life results.

Too bad though, would save people a lot of pain if they just could ask for a cheater gene test 

Or maybe that would be unfair to people with the gene and a suitable education that would stop them from doing it.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> It could be learned behaviour. So teach him well. Hopefully he will be OK.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I don't know it it is a gene or not. I do believe that there could be a gene that influences the release and level of oxytocin... physiological

I always thought it was a combination of heredity, learned behavior and environment...then throw in opportunity. 

My STBXW started cheating after her parents died 4 months apart. Physically she takes after her fathers side of the family. She was similar to her father in terms of physical features while her sister took after her mother. 

Her father was an alcoholic, went out all the time, stayed out late and was a cheater. Her mother was a saint. She finally divorced her father when my wife was about 15. 

My STBXW and her mother were best friends while she was alive. They talked everyday and always went shopping and spent a lot of time together. She was in contact with her father but we was always distant.

After her mother passed away from cancer, STBXW was depressed for a while...understandable. Her father died suddenly of a heart attack. This seemed to hit my STBXW even harder then her mother passing. This was strange because they were not nearly as close. She started cheating within a year.

After her parents passed my STBXW seemed to take on her fathers personality even though she always seemed to follow her mother when she was alive.

I do tend to think that she was always more like her father in terms of personality and values but her mothers influence was a strong force in her life and kept her in line...so to speak. After their passing, with no more adult super vision, she reverted to the person she really was.

Interestingly enough, her sister, whom took after her mother physically, did not fall apart after their deaths and start cheating. If anything she actually became more spiritual and a better person. She valued her marriage and family even more.


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## victarion (Sep 7, 2012)

I agree with what others have posted here. Not genetic. It's something your either capable of or not. More to do with your conscience and character than anything else. Least that's my 0.02


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Gene variants that are connected to vasopressin and oxytocin amounts and receptor quantity have been studied as possible "cheater genes" but so far studies indicate that the variants we have found so far are not good predictors of the behavior. About as much people with them cheat as do people without them. So although we can theoretically deduce that these genes may have something to do with it, this mental construct isn't really supported by real life results.
> 
> Too bad though, would save people a lot of pain if they just could ask for a cheater gene test
> 
> Or maybe that would be unfair to people with the gene and a suitable education that would stop them from doing it.


I think that line of thinking is likely accurage. 

The genes for oxytocin and vasopressin only indicate a susceptiblility not an actuality. 

As the human genome project suggests. Genes only indicate a 20 to 30 percent susceptibility.

If someone has gene for a particularly disease, the gene still needs to be expressed or activated by a toxin or some other stimulating factor.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I don't think there is anyway you can tell someone will cheat. You have to learn about them There are so many influencing factors:
Like, parents, grand parents, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, TV shows that trivulize or glamorize it, romance books that justify it, then seeing almost a new thread about it everyday. Or figure out what their sex life or preferences are. Or see if they were ever the OM or OW in an affair to even just a girlfriend, or how big their number is (because I do think it is important) or why their last relationship failed, or if they have some building resentment for some reason. 

But I will bet that it is not genetic. 
My dad cheated on my mom. Then something happened, (they never told me, even when I got older) and it was found out. My mom was hurt, and wanted dad to say he was sorry, and do the heavy lifting, and do everything about to fix the marriage. Now, I have no idea if he did. 
Well, they tried to reconcile. But I think my mom may have been to easy on him, but I don't know. But he decided to keep it on the side, and take it underground. Well, I am pretty sure mom discovered it, and that was the final straw. 
So she divorced, and that was when my dad lost it, and was the 'perfect' husband. 

But that failed, and long story short, they divorced. 

And I was in the middle of it, and never wanted to be. And I vowed to myself, I would never do that to someone else. Watching a family tear itself apart like it was in a mob war changes a person.


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## broken glas (Sep 10, 2012)

My h mom cheated on his dad three times that I know of. And now hes done it to me. Could be genetic....


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## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

I desperately hope not for my son's sake, but my FWH's father is a serial cheater. 
I only found out about my FIL's cheating in the last few years and I wonder now, if I had known at the time would I have still married my husband? Or would that have been a red flag for me...


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

It runs in families. I didn't know prior to this FIL, MIL and each of my WS's three uncles had cheated. A family full of cheaters. I point this out to him and he takes offense? I think it's more seeing it growing up... Now I worry my girls will either marry a cheater or end up cheating themselves. They see it young?


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