# Where to begin... at the begining I guess



## Lifes Tough (Oct 10, 2013)

So My husband of 12 years called dating services last year and as far as I know that's as far as it went. He begged to come home and goes to therapy each week and goes to sex/love addict meetings once a week or so. Well this morning I found out he has been on his phone on the game Ruzzle telling other women he loves them and having chat sex with them. Unsure what to do or how to think any more. We have 2 children. I want him to leave and think that's cheating. He disagrees. Help!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Uh, yeah, he's cheating. Time to kick the bum out for good.

My husband also attends a 12 step group for sex addicts and if I EVER found out he was doing that he'd be GONE. He's had his once chance. No effing more.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I'm staying out of this one


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

A big element of cheating is betrayal of loyalty and trust with an emotional or sexual part,

So even if he doesn't get in person with them, he is still betraying his pledge of fidelity and loyalty to you.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Of course it's cheating. Even if they never met in person he is telling someone else he loves them and having sex with them, virtually. To me it's the same thing.

My WH did this 3 times for 4-6 months at a time before I caught on.
The first time was 16 years ago but the last two were in 2011-2013. He is on his very last chance and he knows it.

Your WH doesn't get to define what is and isn't cheating. If you feel it is, it is. It's deception, it's betrayal and it hurts just as bad. Lying is not acceptable and that is what he did by omission.

I would at the very least talk to a lawyer, if not start filing for divorce. He has to know there are consequences and if you are not willing to live this way, the marriage is over.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Lifes Tough said:


> So My husband of 12 years called dating services last year and as far as I know that's as far as it went. He begged to come home and goes to therapy each week and goes to sex/love addict meetings once a week or so. Well this morning I found out he has been on his phone on the game Ruzzle telling other women he loves them and having chat sex with them. Unsure what to do or how to think any more. We have 2 children. I want him to leave and think that's cheating. He disagrees. Help!


From a legal point of view you can't kick him out of the house, normally.

IMO, I would let him disagree all he wants. All the way through the D. I would go to one of his meetings and ask the group if they think this is OK behavior. I doubt that they would support his POV. 

Many sites, e.g. game sites, social media sites, are just prime places for people to cheat. I had my eyes opened since 1999 to this crap via my wife's cheating. 

I would also ask him if it not cheating then have him do it in front of the kids, or his parents, or at work in front of his co-workers for shi*s and giggles. 

It is cheating when another live person is involved.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Kicking someone out may not be legal, but you can still do it. You can't have the cops haul them away, but it sends a very clear message to them about where you stand, even if they refuse to leave.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

<<Many sites, e.g. game sites, social media sites, are just prime places for people to cheat. I had my eyes opened since 1999 to this crap via my wife's cheating. >.

Internet backgammon and Words by Post, were my WH's MO. Both had open chat boxes, not limited responses like the 'real' games have.
On one site it was so obvious what was going on. Many many people logged on, but very few actually playing the games. They had 'locked' chat rooms so no one else could barge in on the conversation.

It was disgusting. It's gone now, not sure why, but I am glad.


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## garykmjp (Oct 11, 2013)

Time to kick the bum out for good.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Lifes Tough said:


> So My husband of 12 years called dating services last year and as far as I know that's as far as it went. He begged to come home and goes to therapy each week and goes to sex/love addict meetings once a week or so. Well this morning I found out he has been on his phone on the game Ruzzle telling other women he loves them and having chat sex with them. Unsure what to do or how to think any more. We have 2 children. I* want him to leave* and think that's cheating. He disagrees. Help!



Dear Lifes Tough,

When you say you "want him to leave," what do you mean? Are you talking about kicking him out of the house again to teach him a lesson or have you decided to file for D?

If the former, I think sending him packing for a while is a good idea and, if he refuses to leave, you can threaten D if he doesn't. If you've already decided to D, as others have said, you can't legally kick him out. You can ask him to leave but, if he refuses, you'll have to put up with him for a while.

Sorry that you are here and hoping things work out the way you want.


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