# stupid hardly-a- "problem", problem



## thatgirl23 (Jul 21, 2012)

So I feel stupid even bringing this up, but it is really starting to affect me. Especially now that its the summer. Ok, I love my husband. He is an awesome, amazing, wonderful man, and I know how lucky I am to have him. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. And the thing is, I *know* he feels the same about me. Yeah sure, neither of us are perfect, but who is?

The thing is, my husband actually *likes* going clothes shopping with me, and picking things out for me. The problem is... I am 35. And the clothes my husband picks out are things that would only look good on a 19 year old. 

But its also stuff that's just not "me", that arent my style, that I'm not comfortable in. For example, shorts--I hate shorts! They're just sooo uncomfortable to me, and he is always bugging me to try them on. Or tube tops. Let me tell you, they only look good when airbrushing is invloved! 

I try to take it as a compliment, that he thinks I would look good in these types of things. (He loves my legs and ...upper parts. And I love that he loves them!) And yes, I take care of myself, go to the gym reguarly, yoga 4-5 days a week, etc etc. So Im still in shape.

But still... I'm 35, and a *human*. So I'm not perfect, nor will I ever look 19 again. 

And for the most part I'm ok with that. I dont *want* to have look 19 again, I want to just enjoy being *me*, as I am. But the things my husband picks out for me, that he wants me to wear.... start to make me wonder if *he* will be ok with that? If *he* will be able to handle my getting older? Because the things he picks out for me... its like he's picking them out for the 19 year old porn star in his head. He picks out things I *know* wont look good on me... And no, I dont want to try them on and prove that fact to him! Its a no-win situation, because of *course* I dont want to try on shorts for him to *prove* that I dont look good in them. No! Why would I want to do that? LOL! Of course I want him to think my legs look good, not "prove" that they look...not good, lol. 

In my heart, I *know* he doesnt "mean" it like that. I know he loves me and loves the way I look. (I think...I hope.) But at the same time, it really starts to make me angry, because I feel like he's holding me up to some impossible standard of never aging/ always being a size 2/ etc. And its worse in the summer, of course. 

So what do I do about this? I dont want to make my husband feel bad about it, because I know his intention isnt to make me feel bad. But it really *is* starting to make me feel bad about myself. So how do I handle this?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Sounds to me like your husband looks at you with love-goggles. Most husbands do. We see our wives the way they were when we first met a lot of times. He's not picking out clothes for a porn star, he's picking out clothes for the sexy woman he sees. He doesn't see you age.

I look at my wife and she's amazing looking to me. I look at other people our same age and i think "wow, they look old". It's weird that way.

As far as it just being clothes that you don't like---just tell him so. But don't worry about him holding you up to some arbitrary standard. You're setting the standard for other people to measure up to in his eyes.


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## thatgirl23 (Jul 21, 2012)

"You're setting the standard for other people to look up to in his eyes".

That's good, I'll have to remember that. And yes, I get what you say, for the most part. But part of it is also that...my husband can be brutally honest about stuff. Which...yes, of course, I want to please him, I want him to like how I look. But I also want to be happy with me and how I look. He doesn't get why I cant/ don't want to wear things from the teens sections. And I resent having to "convince" him that I'm "too old", etc. 

I know when he looks at me, he doesn't really see it. And I don't want him to! Lol.


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## Somanylemons (May 2, 2015)

I know this is the mens forum but I thought I'd reply as the OP is a women. 

I'd cut out the joint shopping trips if I were you and start developing your own style. 

Do you think that maybe your husband is afraid that you will start looking frumpy if he leaves you too it?

It sounds like you have a lovely figure so I think you need to find some style icons who are that bit older but still look good. For example I think the women who plays Gloria in Modern Family always looks lovely in that programme. Lots of sexy form fitting dresses, very elegant but not too much flesh on show. 

I think there are few men who do not find the way she dresses attractive.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You sure this is 'his' issue and not yours? I don't think men mind aging as much as women think we do. Just because you have aged doesn't mean to him you aren't the the sexiest woman on the planet. Maybe his whole intent is to get you into clothes he finds sexy. He probably wished you would see yourself through his eye.

Now if you're not comfortable in them then youre not comfortable. I would suggest this. Tell him no to the joint clothes shopping trip but yes to a joint lingerie shopping trip and let him pick out the outfit


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Ever heard the theory that if, as an adult, you met your separated-at-birth identical twin that you wouldn't recognize him/her as such? That what we see in the mirror is seen through a filter of our own making? See anorexia as an extreme example. 

My initial thought was to suggest you get some of those clothes he's suggested and wear them, at home, strut around in them, and enjoy what happens next. 

Wolf's idea is even better.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

While unrelated, this is a fun story to share in this thread since we are in the men's clubhouse. I once worked at a mall department store when I was in high school in the Ralph Lauren department. There was this legend of a salesman that made an insane commission selling women cloths, because only he could find what it was they really wanted. 

Long story short, he bribed the old ladies back in the alterations department to swap out the tags so that all the cloths in his department were actually larger than what the tags reported. 

So if money talks and based on this guys abnormal success, most women want men to lie to them about their actual size WHILE at the same time suggesting that they wear cloths that fit properly. 

Hint hint guys!!! Next time you buy your wife something at a department store, go by the alterations department and ask for this same favor. Those little old ladies hidden back in the secret corner with their sewing machines know the drill all too well. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Pick out a new Speedo for him to wear at the pool this summer. See how he likes them apples.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

badsanta said:


> While unrelated, this is a fun story to share in this thread since we are in the men's clubhouse. I once worked at a mall department store when I was in high school in the Ralph Lauren department. There was this legend of a salesman that made an insane commission selling women cloths, because only he could find what it was they really wanted.
> 
> Long story short, he bribed the old ladies back in the alterations department to swap out the tags so that all the cloths in his department were actually larger than what the tags reported.
> 
> ...


I did that to one of my step-moms....except -I would take several of her dresses/pants/jackets...to the dry cleaners a couple of blocks away and have the tags altered to larger sizes. 

evil, I know...but pretty damn funny


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

2nd ex took me to the stores where she wanted to buy clothes and the departments she would choose from were ones that she told me to look, if I wanted. Maybe you can get something from that. It seemed to work for her and me. It wasn't all bad.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My wife is 55 and she borrows clothes from our daughters age 23 and 20. Shirts, leggings, dresses...

All three trust my fashion sense as I'm in the design professions - as is the 23 year old. 

Worry more about the overall "design language" you're trying to convey and less about specific items. Ok tube tops may be extreme but with a bit of help from Spanx the sky's the limit.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Pick out a new Speedo for him to wear at the pool this summer. See how he likes them apples.


:rofl:


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

What's the harm in letting him pick out an outfit for you now and then? You don't have to wear it outside the house. Just wear it in the bedroom now and then and relive your teens...


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

intheory said:


> *35 is early middle age. *


Awww crap... issed:


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It also depends if said teenagers dress classy or trashy. My girls are very classy dressers so they can swap clothes with ease between them and mom. If we are talking Honey Boo Boo style... Things are different


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