# How to Rebuild Emotional Connection?



## Cat3CatGirl (Jun 19, 2012)

Me and DH are back together (4 weeks) after a 6 month separation that involved him having a PA. The separation was to step back and reflect on why we feel more like "room mates" or "co parents" than a real couple. We set down some guidelines and agreed to no dating unless we talked about it first. Well, he signed up for a dating service, dated a few women, and began a relationship (both physical and the starting of emotional) with one woman in particular. It lasted for about 4 weeks and he broke it off to move back in with me and begin marriage counseling.

So, our biggest problem is lack of emotional connection, or maybe connection in general. We do decent on physical connection, only need some minor work there, so our focus is on improving emotional connection. Since his leaving in January, we've been doing a LOT of soul searching individually and talking about our deep down emotional concerns, desires, etc. We neglected doing that for 10+ years, for the most part. We are both avoiders of conflict and we have a lot of conflict due to special needs child.

Last night was a bad night for my DH. Deep down he had hoped that he'd be feeling something more for me by the end of 4 weeks and he was upset that he doesn't. It really made me realize how little impact I have. Intellectually I know that I have no "control" over his emotions. But I've been a mess today because I feel like I'm gaining emotional connection with him, spending the time & effort to sift through my thoughts & concerns and sharing in meaningful ways with him, but it seems there's no progress from his point of view. No, the emotional connection is not STRONG at this point for me, but it IS there.

I know there is no right answer, but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on whether 4 weeks is reasonable to re-establish emotional connectedness after neglecting it for 11 years.


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## rockymtnhigh (Jul 3, 2012)

I agree that 4 weeks seems to short. Connections take time. Especially emotional connections. It has been 11 years of neglect, you won't be able to fix it over night. It's like thinking you can lose 50 pounds in a week. It would be nice if it happened, but you lose it a pound or two at a time. Just keep working at it, and give it some more time.


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