# quick decision...need advice



## whoisthisman (Dec 18, 2010)

This is my first time here, but from the posts that I have read it seems that so many people are in similar situations...we were married for over 6 years...all of the sudden he said he didn't want to be married and wanted to be alone. Well he said it wasn't all of the sudden in his eyes, but the reasons he brought up would have been able to be communicated and worked through...but he didn't want to. We separated, tried counseling, and he said he was done. This is not the man that I thought I met and fell in love with, i have no idea who he is anymore. I have been going to therapy for months and thank god I was. He said he wants to be alone and he can't care about someone else...i've cried every day for the past 2 months. I feel like i am on the worst roller coaster in the world, and i just want to get off. everyoen keeps telling me I am going to be better off. They all keep telling me he is selfish and i deserve so much better...when will i see that? for about 6 weeks he couldn' /wouldn't/didn't want to talk to me or see me...i asked him many times if he really wanted to just give up on the 8 years we have spent together and everything we had and he said he was done. Should i wait around and seeif its really what he wants, or should i move on with my life? especially because everyone is telling me that I deserve so much better. 
to add insult to injury i heard that he has been texting an ex girlfriend from before we even knew each other....he swore to me and my famiy that there was no one else and he cares so much about me, but justcan't worry about someone else...supposedly drunk/late night, but should that even matter...we are technically still married and he supposedly wants to "be alone". for someone who wants to be alone from what I am hearing he sure is doing a fine job of that..whatever. So do I confront him now...or keep it in my backpocket for later?(after we figure everything out that we need).
i could probably go on and on about the situatin as we all could, but this is whats eating me alive today. oh...and he never said anything nice about her or her family since the day we met...


----------



## Gilgamesh (Dec 15, 2010)

Hi, first of all sorry to hear what your going through, im currently going through a very similar situation with my wife, she said the same thing your husband did, she wanted to be alone, yet a month later she is already seeing another guy, Do not confront him! give him space and time, its gonna hurt like hell and then some, TRUST ME i confronted my wife and it only made EVERYTHING worse. I have basically pushed her completely away and there is probably NO chance of reconciliation now. Give him time to think, to miss you, in the mean time, TRY and go out, try to think of other things (believe me i know how easy it is to say do other things yet you just cant stop thinking). Also, do things you used to love to do that has fallen by the wayside, treat urself, buy new clothes, whatever it is that will make you feel good about yourself. If you do that, then not only will he maybe see you again and change, but you may even get others chasing you (not that you probably wanna hear that) take about a month or so. from today, treat urself, give yourself confidence again, then after a month give him a call, ask how he is, see if he wants to catch up for lunch or something, in the meantime, do everything possible to not get dragged back by him, if he randomly comes over and says i want you back, dont rush it.Take the time to see what you can do to better your life. If he loves you, he will come back and will understand if you need time. Maybe im not the best to be giving advice for what i have done with my wife, but im hoping something from this will help you.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Gilgamesh said:


> give him space and time, its gonna hurt like hell and then some, TRUST ME ...Give him time to think, to miss you, in the mean time, TRY and go out, try to think of other things.


Hard advice to take but I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that this is the best course of action. 

Forcing yourself on the other person just doesn't work. It's too easy to fall into your "old" habits. like making demands, becoming emotional, etc... I guess a "separation" really does have to be "separate" for there to be any hope of of any reconciliation.  

Personally, I don't recommend dating anyone else. This is a time you'll need to get yourself straightened out, not get involved with yet another relationship on the rebound, especially if you still love your husband. You need time to heal and take account of things. Adding adultery to the list isn't a way to fix things either. 

IMO, you date someone else when it's really over..legally and in your heart and mind.


----------

