# Same sex, sex..



## caracara (Nov 23, 2015)

Is anyone attracted to their same sex while married to the opposite? I've posted before about the lack of sex in my marriage, but now I don't even want it from him or really men at all. Unless he's a big, bearded, sexy manly man I see at a local bar once in a while lol.. Strangely it's women that I can't get out of my head lately. I've always loved women and dated them before marriage. But it's a craving I can't shake now. It's even in my dreams. Can I just get over it somehow? Thoughts?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I'll play devil's advocate... If your husband looks at porn and pleasures himself who knows how many times a day, perhaps you could ask him to find you some good female on female porn and make him buy you some very expensive vibrators. Then lock him out of the bedroom and make him take care of the kids while you tell him you need to get a few things out of your system. 

That will create some sparks for sure in your house! 

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I have a beard, Just sayn'

So you have always had attraction to both genders, and you still do. No surprise.

You have no attraction to your committed partner, Now that's a problem. 

Disclaimer: this post posted with our investigating the history of your relationship or attitudes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm big, in a spherical way, and like many hipster design professionals, sport a goatee . Will that work? 

Seriously now, I would look into some IC to help me start asking the right questions about myself. What you're describing is more a symptom, a manifestation. Or just a phase.

As others said, you'll need to think of your partner's role into this exercise as well.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This shouldn't surprise you, or your husband for that matter. When people stop demonstrating the love they supposedly feel, after a time, this has a very negative and potentially long lasting effect.

Does your husband know he is losing you? If not, before you have a fling would a good time to tell him.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

OliviaG said:


> Re: the lack of sex in your marriage.
> 
> I've found that when I'm not getting enough sex to satisfy me, my fantasy life gets turned up a notch or two (or three, depending on how deprived I feel).


So the more deported you feel, the wilder the fantasy? Does he know that? Maybe he would be more willing to not deprive you if he knew that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

OliviaG said:


> He really doesn't want to deprive me but my drive is high, and his went down recently, we think due to low T. So we're working on things but in the meantime it's been a bit of a challenging situation.


Even if you initiate? Most men, if you fondle the bits, won't be able to say no
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

OliviaG said:


> Yes, especially when I initiate. I think there's some performance anxiety mixed in with this, because my desire level is high (like his used to be) and I was after him all the time for sex. He just didn't need sex once or twice daily anymore. At first when he turned me down I couldn't understand it - was very hurt and wondering about his attraction to me, if he was having an affair, all the stereotypical things that wives wonder that make the situation for the poor husband even worse. Now I know better, but it was pretty difficult for a while when we were misunderstanding each other. And the mismatch is difficult in itself too.


Have you tried sex therapy? Or medicine for him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

OliviaG said:


> No to sex therapy - I don't really think it would be much help now that we understand each other. But we're looking into getting treatment. It takes a while to get things lined up.


Right. Once the issue has been identified I would think it could be dealt with medically. In the meantime what do you do to compensate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prasmid (Mar 14, 2016)

I agree with it!


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

OP - would your H allow you a GF? 

My H has told me several times he would not care if I had a GF on the side. 

Of course, I'm not interested in that though, it's just something that's come up through random discussion. He would just like to know if I would ever decide to go that route. (which wouldn't happen...but it's on the table)


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

LosingHim said:


> OP - would your H allow you a GF?
> 
> My H has told me several times he would not care if I had a GF on the side.
> 
> Of course, I'm not interested in that though, it's just something that's come up through random discussion. He would just like to know if I would ever decide to go that route. (which wouldn't happen...but it's on the table)


I'm surprised that the conditions didn't include him getting to watch.


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## caracara (Nov 23, 2015)

LosingHim said:


> OP - would your H allow you a GF?
> 
> My H has told me several times he would not care if I had a GF on the side.
> 
> Of course, I'm not interested in that though, it's just something that's come up through random discussion. He would just like to know if I would ever decide to go that route. (which wouldn't happen...but it's on the table)


I actually don't think he'd like it. His ex drive is low and his energy for anything at all is low lately so I think it actually might be too much work for him. I'm thinking sex altogether might just be too much work for him. He turns to porn to please himself rather than coming to me. We've tried counseling and speaking openly about things, but it doesn't change.

I've actually brought up an open marriage, which I think would only really hurt because we'd fall in love with other people and split the family apart.

With women I've wanted them all my life so I suppose I'm just bisexual. But I thought once I had a partner either way I'd stay put and wouldn't want anyone else as much as I want it now. But again it's just women that I want right now. Sounds crazy creepy typing that out lol.


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## caracara (Nov 23, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I'll play devil's advocate... If your husband looks at porn and pleasures himself who knows how many times a day, perhaps you could ask him to find you some good female on female porn and make him buy you some very expensive vibrators. Then lock him out of the bedroom and make him take care of the kids while you tell him you need to get a few things out of your system.
> 
> That will create some sparks for sure in your house!
> 
> ...


Well that sounds like a great idea! Sparks will definitely be created somehow lol.


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## caracara (Nov 23, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> I have a beard, Just sayn'
> 
> So you have always had attraction to both genders, and you still do. No surprise.
> 
> ...


 

That's what I get a bit worried about. I look at him and think, if I were away would I miss him? Do I love him still? Is this just me and my wondering mind? Or the worst thought, am I just done? I'm not sure. I feel like it's not enough to see a counselor about but it's enough to bother me daily.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

I think my wife has a touch of bi in her, she looks at other women as much or more than I do. She will even point out another woman that she thinks looks sexy etc.

I have actually told her I would be ok with her trying it sometime with someone she trusted, but I don't think she will ever act on it. She is pretty reserved. I know she
likes at least "looking at the menu" so to speak. I wouldn't have to watch or anything, although I would, but I would be ok with her trying it.


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## bc3543 (Aug 24, 2015)

My wife and I are both fairly certain that her best friend has strong bi tendencies. 

My wife, OTOH, has always insisted she is very straight, though recently she told me she didn't want to think about being with a woman because it might open up to something.

My feelings on it are mixed. I obviously wouldn't want to completely lose my wife to another woman, but if she wanted to play with a girlfriend on the side, and I could watch, I think I'd be ok with that. Not sure it would ever happen though - is this mostly just a male fantasy?


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