# Giving her space is killing me



## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

Ok, so we are going to separate later next month. I started counseling (by myself) this week, it was suggested that I give her space so she doesn't feel constantly in her face. "If she is ready to talk, she will talk." Ok I can understand that I nned to give her space so she can organize her thoughts and feelings. But based on past experiences if I wait for her to express her feelings I could be waiting forever, because she never expresses her feelings. As far as counseling goes, she has told me that she doesn't think it will help her. I think she will go just to humor me. We live in the same apartment, but now seldom in the same room, just so I can give her space. As far as friends, she is not comfortable enough with her friends to stay with. The one she is comfortable with is Texas, and part of the problems in our relationship. All my friends are women from work, that would go over well with my wife.

I want to just talk all night and sort things out until we are blue in the face of talking. She hates that and that is one of the reasons she wasnt to leave me. Everytime I want to talk about MY feelings she feels targeted, so I am stuck... I am just frustrated....


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## husbandinthemking (Oct 3, 2008)

kuyaeye said:


> Ok, so we are going to separate later next month. I started counseling (by myself) this week, it was suggested that I give her space so she doesn't feel constantly in her face. "If she is ready to talk, she will talk." Ok I can understand that I nned to give her space so she can organize her thoughts and feelings. But based on past experiences if I wait for her to express her feelings I could be waiting forever, because she never expresses her feelings. As far as counseling goes, she has told me that she doesn't think it will help her. I think she will go just to humor me. We live in the same apartment, but now seldom in the same room, just so I can give her space. As far as friends, she is not comfortable enough with her friends to stay with. The one she is comfortable with is Texas, and part of the problems in our relationship. All my friends are women from work, that would go over well with my wife.
> 
> I want to just talk all night and sort things out until we are blue in the face of talking. She hates that and that is one of the reasons she wasnt to leave me. Everytime I want to talk about MY feelings she feels targeted, so I am stuck... I am just frustrated....


Problem #1: Everytime YOU want to talk about YOUR feelings? Wrong answer. She thinks you do not listen to her. Keep with the "me" attitude and you will lose her forever.

Problem #2: Sort things out? Not good. Are you arguing with her? Cause if you are, you are stepping on her feelings and hurting her. Don't try and fix her! She is not broken!

You need to educate yourself bigtime... Read a few books on the subject. Good luck.


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

1. she never wants to talk to me, she ould rather repress her feelings than share them. I am a great listener, she just never talks about her feelings.

2. I know she is not broken, my goal is to strengthen our relationship.

I AM trying to educate myself but it is going to take some time, things are not going to change overnight. But thanks for your input.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I quit talking or discussing our relationship or any feelings at all, with my dh. This is because nothing ever changed when we would talk, we'd just go around and around like I was speaking Japanese and he was speaking German! Talking did no good, no communication hardly at all. My dh sounds like your w. 

He is kind of inert and only knows a few ways of _being_: asleep, on the computer, working, smoking, or napping.

He just isn't comfortable with any other way of "_being_".

So I am just changing myself to _BEING_ not here.


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