# MIL is hounding me



## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

A little background: 
My MIL was the one who called and told me about my H having an affair. Evidentally, everyone in the family knew for a while before I did. Honestly, I KNEW, I just did not have solid proof. Since then, my H has gone on anti-depressants and is in therapy, and it was agreed by him, me, and his therapist that the best thing for him right now is to not have ANY contact with his mother, and most of his siblings. It has NOTHING to do with her "ratting him out"...and I have told her this numerous times. He has very negative feelings about her, stemming from abuse/neglect in childhood, to her abandoing him when he was 12 to run off with the guy she was having an affair with. Many of his behaviors stem from what he saw and how he felt growing up, and in order for him to get past it all, he needs to not have contact with them until he gets himself straight. It's HIS choice, and a choice I suport 100%. 
MIL is now harassing me, via email and messages on my work phone (of which I have asked her to stop and she refuses). My H changed his cell number weeks ago so that his family could not contact him, and its driving her crazy. She is the epitome of a drama queen..and at 60 is addicted to MYSPACE of all things. She has never accepted responsibility for the abuse/neglect she put her kids thru, and says that it was "not that bad"...yet 3 of her 5 sons are alcoholics, 1 has not visited her in over 10 years and moved across the country as soon as he could, and then there is my H...her baby...whatever...who is now trying desperately to confront his demons and be a better man for our family (we have 2 sons...almost 2 and almost 4). I have TOLD her that we need our space, our focus is OUR family and not only will I not force my H to talk to her, but I support his decision not to. She is toxic to him. She vacillates between telling me I am a horrible person who "will get what she deserves" to telling me that I am the best thing that ever happened to my H...oh, and she also threatens suicide in messages at least once every two weeks. I am no longer responding to her emails OR her messages...I have said leave us alone as clearly as I can...no more needs to be said. But honestly...its to the point where its harassment and its annoying!!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

She needs firm and direct boundries from you. 

I had a family member like that, all nosey and meddling. I finally told her to cool it or I would stop all communication with her...
and I did because she wouldn't cool it. Best thing I ever did in my life too.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I'm not returning her emails or calls. I have asked her NOT to call me at work, and she refuses to listen. She will only call when she knows i'm not here though. I think she can't accept the fact that she "lost". My H is steadfast in his decision not to talk to her, and I think its the wisest decision he has made. Life is MUCH more peaceful without her, or the rest of the family in our business. I've never much liked them anyways.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

Have you consider filing a restraining order? I know is drastic but it might be the only way to stop the harassment, specially if she calls you at work. Block her email address from yours, so you would stop even receiving them, even if you do not reply to them.

So times drastic measures are the best way to go. Ask the therapist if would liek to receive her phone calls and try to put her in her place. But I think you shoudl seriously think on filing a restraining order, to include anytype of communication, phone calls, emails, treats and stopping by your house, his or your work, etc.

Consulted with your H and if he really wants to stop all contact with her for the time being, then go for the restraining order.

good Luck


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Luckily, she lives more than 500 miles from us (that was on purpose by the way). I have been considering a harassment order, if she keeps up, I might have to resort to it. H has not had ANY contact with her in over a month..which is why she is hounding me...she (mistakenly) thinks she can get to him thru me, but I never tell him when she contacts me.


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