# The writing on the wall



## ssdd (Jan 17, 2013)

My wife and I have been having issues for the last year or so, with finances being the main cause. During this time, we had a 6 month separation. Around Xmas, the returned home with my 1 1/2 year old daughter. She is currently a stay at home mom and has been since our baby's birth. 

After getting the "I'm not in love with you anymore" talk, I suggested that we try to go to marriage counseling in an attempt to save our marriage. She agreed, saying that she didn't want people to think we didn't try (which was kind of a red flag to me). After printing off a list of counselors in our area and giving it to her, she has yet to even look at it. She says she wants to research them before deciding. It has now been over a month since I gave her the list. Each time I ask her about it, I get "I'm going to do that tomorrow", but it never happens.

I am in the process of filing bankruptcy and it should be finalized within the next couple of weeks. She has made comments here and there without really coming out and saying that she is going to file for divorce that makes me think that she is waiting until everything is final and will then lower the boom, so to speak. There is no intimacy what-so-ever and I don't even get a "How was your day?" after getting home from work. We still talk, but mainly about our daughter and current event type things.

It seems we are nothing more than roommates and I am uncertain about what she has planned. Anyone got any guidance?


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

"I'm not in love with you anymore" comment is usually made when there is someone else in the picture.

You need to find who her new lover is and kill their relationship. As long as someone else is occupying your wife, you wont have the slightest of chances in saving your marriage.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I agree with keko that you should investigate if there's someone else involved in her life.

You seem to think that finances are the root cause. Has she ever thought about daycare and getting a job to help relieve some of the financial pressure? Has she thought about maybe doing something out of the house like babysitting for someone else's child?

Start investigating by getting copies of her cell phone bill. Look for a lot od texts and phone calls to a number you don't recognize. Also look to see if all this activity takes place while you're at work or late at night or early in the morning.

If she has an iPhone, turn on the find my phone app. That way you can see where she is during the day in case she's going out to meet someone.

Also get a keylogger downloaded on your PC so you can see what she's up to.

Last but not least, by a voice activated recorder and place it under the front seat of her car with havy duty velcro

Also go to the coping with infidelity section here for an education on signs of a cheating spouse. Your wife is displaying at least 2 of the common Red Flags. Is she doing other things like:

PW on her phone, wearing more make-up, dressing better, working out more, new hairstyle, unexplained abscences?

Good luck - I think you're going to need it


----------

