# Vyvanse has ruined my marriage



## Komatsu430

Little back story... My wife and I are both previously divorced and have been married almost 6 years. My first marriage was to a woman who had been diagnosed as bi-polar. She did not disclose this, and while I always just thought she was crazy, now she is medicated and very stable and married a wonderful man who is an awesome father to our children. I say father, because he treats my children as his own, step father he is not. I think my kids are very lucky to have two dad's in their lives! Meds obviously keep her consistent these days. (She and I get along great now and have discussed this).
My current wife has three kids that I adore and I have said over and over that God blessed me with a second chance at fatherhood!
This year has been very difficult for us all. My mother had a 5 year battle with cancer and passed away in late January of this year. We kept her at home with the help of hospice and family. (Hospice is a gift, those people are great) It was tough, but her wishes were to die at home and not alone. My sister and I were holding her hands as she took her last breaths. My wife was by my side through it all and cried as hard as I did.
She is one of the sweetest, most caring and compassionate people God has ever created. I fell in love instantly with her smile and warmth. Sweet and gentle, happy and caring, my wife is just awesome. (Though I've told many people exactly that, I'm surely guilty of not telling her enough) .
At about the same time my mother was in her final weeks, my wife had been deeply involved in her care and she had some major trouble at her job. Simple oversight on her part, and I know it was due to the stress of dealing with my mother and me and kids and work...
She was looking at possibly losing not just her job, but her career. Basically because of her idiot subordinates forging paperwork, and she signed off trusting them. Cost us thousands of dollars in attorneys. And we had just bought our first home, major fixer upper, months prior (actually signed papers two days before my mother ended up on hospice, right before Christmas.)
She went to a doctor, who said she had ADD, and was prescribed Vyvanse. I was unaware, but this all happened in the last weeks of my mother's life. I was a bit distracted. She probably told me, I remember her going to doctor, but that's about all. 
With the house and the lawyers we needed money and me being an hourly slave to the man, here comes the overtime. I was working 70 hour weeks for most of the year trying to pay for everything and still had a house to fix up. Needless to say, I neglected my wife emotionally throughout that time. I have always been one to help around house though. I love to cook, do laundry and dishes, help with homework, try and be a good dad and a faithful husband, never expected her to be a housewife or my maid. But as the year went on I started getting more and more frustrated with her. She was excelling in her job, but basically did nothing to help with house. She would come home, lay on bed playing online slots or Candy crush for hours, maybe watch a few? hours of NCIS reruns, have two to four adult beverages, and pass smooth out. I'd be an ass every now and then and she would help some, but she never could seem to motivate herself. House was always in disarray and I would get mad at kids for being lazy, and at her because I felt it was hard to get them motivated when they never saw their mother doing anything. We always had a very passionate love life, but she would be so out of it and slept so hard that we basically stopped having sex. I started looking at porn and though I knew it was wrong, I guess in my mind it was better than leaving our home to scratch that itch. I see now I should have been praying for strength instead. And for that I am so so wrong.
I got so frustrated with her lack of interest in anything but her phone one day that I MADE her sit in a chair outside and talk while I dug under foundation of house to replace our entire sewer line. But I couldn't get her to talk, she kept staring at phone. So I talked. She just couldn't seem to conversate at all. 
Then she went back to bed and her phone and I continued to toil on house, as was usual. 
She had regular trips with her work, and I would have dad duty. But one trip she made recently, I couldn't get hold of her and was worried for hours before she finally texted that she was ok. Whole weekend was like that, totally strange behavior. She came home and acted like everything was ok. Of course it wasn't ok with me and I kept pushing. She told me that she didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce! I was in shock! We had really never fought or had any real arguments, and here she is talking divorce?!
Couple days later I was outside just thinking and trying to figure out what I had done that was so wrong. I thought myself into a headache and went to her purse in her car, cause she always has Advil or Motrin. I didn't find any, but I found an empty bottle of Vyvanse. I had never heard of it and didn't think much of it. I grabbed her overnight bag thinking maybe Advil in there, but nothing. Just another empty bottle of Vyvanse. Then something clicked. I googled, and found out this was powerful amphetamine, and she had highest dose prescribed to her. I started digging more and found the two movie tickets, KFC receipt with guys name on it as customer, and his college ID. I knew instantly what that meant. I woke her up, and after initially denying and lying, she admitted to affair.
Scrip was filled the day she left for "business trip". She had eaten thirty 70mg pills in no more than 13 days.(prescribed one per day) Probably less than 13 days, I don't know when she finished scrip, just day she got it filled. And 60 pills in a 37 day period according to other empty bottle.(BTW, quack doctor filled scrip 7 days early!) She admitted to binge eating them all, but claims she doesn't need them in between scrips. Anybody who understands amphetamine use can smell that bull. The withdrawal symptoms from an amphetamine binge like that would be horrible. And I had not seen any such symptoms. I know in my gut she's been going to the black market to fill in the gaps between scrips, which explains our financial woes despite me working all the time.
I understand addiction, and what it does to otherwise good people. Addicts will lie on top of lies to cover up. Let me remind you I love her to death, I love my family as Christ loved the church, I would give my life for her or my kids no questions asked if I knew it would benefit them. And will to this day. But this is hard. She is still denying anything. There is no trail to follow. She must have paid cash for all doctors and or pharmacy visits. 
After a little research, I discovered there are many known links to Vyvanse and manic behavior. Her affair was, in my mind, an effect. The cause, Vyvanse (amphetamine) induced mania. The woman I love would NEVER leave her kids for three days to carry on an affair. (BTW, I took day off work before she left to replace alternator on her car and recharge a/c, had to remove entire front clip, was pain in the ass, foreign POS)
She is gone again right now and I'm here with kids again. And once again no contact. She is adamant that a divorce is only option, and that she doesn't have a problem. I'm probably about to be losing another family.
I don't know what to do. Probably nothing I can do. My great fear is that she moves, takes these kids, and things get so bad that they end up with their biological father. Who's not a bad person, just not really much into kids in general. I've been a big part of their lives for so long now I'm afraid for their well being. She promised that I'll be able to see them whenever I want, and I know if they end up with their dad, he and I get along great and he won't keep them from me. But I don't want them to go through all this. They are great kids, honestly above average.
I'm not really looking for advice, just wanting to share my story. I know other people go thru these things. I'm still praying and have not given up on her, but I'm afraid it's hopeless. If anybody has been thru this, I feel for you.
And if a doctor tries to give your husband or wife legal amphetamine (Vyvanse, Adderall, etc.) for BS ADD, say no! Put your foot down, cause the stuff changed my wife, and I have no doubt about it. Pray for my family please.


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## Evinrude58

It's not Viviance. She's just a cheater.

You are: making excuses for her.
Trying withall your mind to figure out why your wife is a cheater so you can replace the broken gear and fix the machine.

Simplify this:

Your wife had an affair, and just like every other cheater, she lost feelings for her spouse and wants a divorce.

That's the plain truth.

What are your plans? She doesn't love you. She couldn't if she wanted to. Once it's gone, it's gone. You have one slight chance:
Stop pining for her, stop blaming yourself (normal). It's not you. She's a cheater.
This wonderful person that you thought she was? She IS NOT loyal. And that is a huge flaw.

It's typical when a woman cheats that the man will:
Take the blame
Act weak
Make excuses for her
Grovel and plead for them to come back
Try to nice her back
Try to "win" them back

It does not work.

What sometimes does work is to break off all contact, put them down the road with divorce papers, and let their affair partner start actually having to support them fully.

Which route are you taking?


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## MJJEAN

@Evinrude58, normally I would agree with you. However, my sister and brother were both prescribed meds for ADD and ADHD, respectively, which completely destroyed them during their use. My sister started having night terrors (not severe nightmares, but actual night terrors), her appetite was thrown off to the point where she could only eat a little bit and only late at night after the pill wore off, she became absolutely manic, could only sleep 4 hrs a night (at most), her emotional responses were dulled, and she was an all around hot mess. My brother had the same symptoms, but add in extreme violent and paranoid behavior. If you've never seen what these medications can do, it's horrible. Getting off them is worse, for a while, until the patient adjusts.

So, yes, I do believe OP's wife is being ruined by her prescription. However, that all said, she's unwilling to take responsibility for her addiction, has no interest in stopping, and has completely abandoned the family. This is a battlefield triage situation. 

@Komatsu430, you need to save yourself, the children, and protect and preserve the marital assets before you can even think about your wife. She's an addict and addicts leave a trail of destruction in their wake. As a legally married man, you are liable for whatever fool thing your wife may decide to do in order to procure her drug of choice and anything she may do while on that drug and not thinking clearly. For example, if she gets into an accident driving under the influence, it's your joint personal assets that will be taken in a lawsuit. If she decides to empty the joint account because her supplier demands payment, she can do that and you have little recourse as the accounts are joint and it's her money, too. 

You mentioned loving your wife as God loves His Church. Even the Catholic Church. vehemently anti-divorce, says it's moral to legally divorce an addict, abuser, and/or adulterer to protect yourself, your children, and to preserve your home and ability to support your family. (Catholics who must seek a civil divorce to protect themselves, their children, and/or their homes are to live chastely as the divorce is only for legal reasons and does not change marital status from a religious POV.)

I'm sorry to say this, but you need to speak with a lawyer. Find out if you can file for a legal separation to protect yourself from legal liability. If not, file for a divorce. If she gets clean, wonderful! If not, you and the children will be protected from whatever she does between here and rock bottom.


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## SunCMars

On drugs....
You bet they flipped her out of her loyal seat.
Mind Warpers they be.

Your wife's second marriage, now comes a later third. Why did this wonderful women get her first divorce?

She may be a pushover for compliments. She cannot say no...even to men who want to insert their membership card into her personal sorority. 

You said she was a great mother and a great caregiver to your mother. Nice, THIS.
She is also a great lover. She shares everything she has with others.

I personally blame the drugs, 100%.

She was a *closet cheater before. She thought "what if" before. What would it be like to make love to this guy or that. 

The drugs? They made the "what if" into reality.

*Many people have fantasies. This is normal.


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## GusPolinski

@ButtPunch


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## Komatsu430

Thank you everyone for listening. Addiction is a sad thing to watch. I know she's hurting, and I know I need to let it go. Maybe someday she'll get help. Until then all I can do is maintain my sanity the best I can. I guess what's hardest about this is I've been so deeply involved in these kids for all this time, and I don't have a legal leg to stand on when it comes to them. I know wherever she goes, they won't have my daily support and will be on their own, so to speak. I just don't see her being able to sustain a career, keep a house, and manage kids and homework, activities, etc. I know their biological father will be calling me when he finds out we split, and it's going to be difficult to tell him truth. These kids know me better than they know him. Like I said previously, he's not a bad guy, just not as involved a parent as I tend to be.


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## Lostinthought61

the most important thing you can do is to protect those kids first and foremost, since you have no legal say in those kids you have to make the bio dad about the situation...he needs to step up to the plate. Sorry about what your going through but if i had to pick between trying to protect your future ex and the kids...the kids win all the time. don't wait for him to call you, you need to call him.


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## ButtPunch

GusPolinski said:


> @ButtPunch


Wow this was me five years ago. 

I'm sorry you are here.

You have no choice but to let her go. 

Focus on yourself and the kids as your wife is gone.


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## Marc878

Making all the excuses to eat this **** sandwiche aren't you?

Get some good quality mustard it might help hide the taste.


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## MAJDEATH

The drugs can certainly be a contributing factor (like toxic friends and recent death in the family).


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## happy as a clam

Vyvanse is evil. I personally know a couple of people whose lives have been turned upside down by this drug.

Some docs are quick to hand it like candy though.


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## MAJDEATH

Komatsu430 said:


> Thank you everyone for listening. Addiction is a sad thing to watch. I know she's hurting, and I know I need to let it go. Maybe someday she'll get help. Until then all I can do is maintain my sanity the best I can. I guess what's hardest about this is I've been so deeply involved in these kids for all this time, and I don't have a legal leg to stand on when it comes to them. I know wherever she goes, they won't have my daily support and will be on their own, so to speak. I just don't see her being able to sustain a career, keep a house, and manage kids and homework, activities, etc. I know their biological father will be calling me when he finds out we split, and it's going to be difficult to tell him truth. These kids know me better than they know him. Like I said previously, he's not a bad guy, just not as involved a parent as I tend to be.


She needs help for this addiction BIG TIME, RIGHT NOW. And you are in the best position to help her get help for that. If she is abusing her prescriptions, that is a federal crime and you can turn her in. Get her committed or locked-up somehow so she can be free of this dangerous addiction and in treatment. You must protect the family/kids from her, financially, emotionally, etc until she has straightened out. Read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson, a christian author.


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## 3Xnocharm

MAJDEATH said:


> She needs help for this addiction BIG TIME, RIGHT NOW. And you are in the best position to help her get help for that. If she is abusing her prescriptions, that is a federal crime and you can turn her in. Get her committed or locked-up somehow so she can be free of this dangerous addiction and in treatment. You must protect the family/kids from her, financially, emotionally, etc until she has straightened out. Read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson, a christian author.


He cannot force her to get help or to recover. That is 100% up to her and her alone, sadly.


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## 3Xnocharm

Komatsu430 said:


> Thank you everyone for listening. Addiction is a sad thing to watch. I know she's hurting, and I know I need to let it go. Maybe someday she'll get help. Until then all I can do is maintain my sanity the best I can. I guess what's hardest about this is I've been so deeply involved in these kids for all this time, and I don't have a legal leg to stand on when it comes to them. I know wherever she goes, they won't have my daily support and will be on their own, so to speak. I just don't see her being able to sustain a career, keep a house, and manage kids and homework, activities, etc. I know their biological father will be calling me when he finds out we split, and it's going to be difficult to tell him truth. These kids know me better than they know him. Like I said previously, he's not a bad guy, just not as involved a parent as I tend to be.


I know this is a gut punch for you, but this is not your problem. I would suggest getting with their father and filling him in on what is going on, in case he isnt aware, and hopefully he steps up. I am sorry for what you are going through.


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## MAJDEATH

3Xnocharm said:


> He cannot force her to get help or to recover. That is 100% up to her and her alone, sadly.


I guess we come from different backgrounds. Somebody has have overall responsibility to protect the family, even from themselves when warranted.


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## 3Xnocharm

MAJDEATH said:


> I guess we come from different backgrounds. Somebody has have overall responsibility to protect the family, even from themselves when warranted.


Background doesnt have anything to do with it, only the addict themselves are in control of their recovery.


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## MAJDEATH

3Xnocharm said:


> MAJDEATH said:
> 
> 
> 
> I guess we come from different backgrounds. Somebody has have overall responsibility to protect the family, even from themselves when warranted.
> 
> 
> 
> Background doesnt have anything to do with it, only the addict themselves aire in control of their recovery.
Click to expand...

Have you ever been around drug addicts for an extended period of time? They are not in control of their actions, the drugs are. Like the old terminator movies, they are singularity focused on one thing - getting more drugs. I wish some of my employees had that much focus at work.


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## Chuck71

Protect yourself and kids (they're your kids right?), and assets. File for D today.

Recommend she gets the help she needs and not a word more unless about D or the kids.

You can't even table a R until she goes through some intense IC. As time passes, you or her or

both may not want to try R. 

I am a huge proponent of filing for D when abuse / addiction / cheating is involved.

1-The person loses the right to say you are their spouse.
2-A D can be stopped at anytime, even the day of the final decree.
3-If the M is dead, kill it! Start over.... hell go out to lunch after you leave the courthouse. 

But OP you have to "own your POS tendencies." We ALL have them. Work on yourself and improve

yourself.

As for "legally prescribed" medication destroying lives...... my XW became a slave to them. It turned her

into something she was not. I was placed on a drug to control my seizures back in 1983.

It was classified as an anticonvulsant. The seizures decreased but it led down to a hell which

almost took my life as a teen. Deep depression, weight gain, throw in a very dysfunctional family and....

that's why it took me 25 years to even fully comprehend the carnage. Had I not wrote my three book

trilogy, I never would have faced it. Funny thing though, when I decided to sneak and not take

the drug, tegretol, my weight came off and the depression began to subside.

Been almost 30 years and I have not taken medication for over a month's time.


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## CantBelieveThis

happy as a clam said:


> Vyvanse is evil. I personally know a couple of people whose lives have been turned upside down by this drug.
> 
> Some docs are quick to hand it like candy though.


Hmm..been on it for 7 years, hasn't made me evil, helped tremendously in my work and ability to focus, my daughter is on it as well

Sent from my BTV-W09 using Tapatalk


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## Slartibartfast

..


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## MattMatt

CantBelieveThis said:


> Hmm..been on it for 7 years, hasn't made me evil, helped tremendously in my work and ability to focus, my daughter is on it as well
> 
> Sent from my BTV-W09 using Tapatalk


Probably because it was the appropriate drug for you?

But not for the OP's wife?


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