# Should I take 1/2 money in savings/checking accts?



## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

I have started D proceedings and have yet to serve WH the papers (infidelity was the issue on his part)... married 21 yrs, 4 kids......my story is on other threads if you want to look under my ID

Anyway, I will be serving him this week.

My question is Do i withdraw half the money out of the savings and checking (total is about $70,000), so I would take half of that. I make no salary (stay at home mom) so I believe he is still responsible for the bills for living expenses. 

I am afraid this might start a war, but I dont want to be a fool either. What did u do and was it the right decision? I would rather be able to trust him enough that he wouldnt do the wrong thing (take all the money or start filtering it out, spending down, etc), but under the circumstances and the so many lies, i dont know if he is the man i once thought he was.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

cdm9999 said:


> I have started D proceedings and have yet to serve WH the papers (infidelity was the issue on his part)... married 21 yrs, 4 kids......my story is on other threads if you want to look under my ID
> 
> Anyway, I will be serving him this week.
> 
> ...


Depending on your bank, you could freeze all withdrawals without both partners consent. Your STBX should understand the need for this.

Otherwise, I would withdraw half. You'll still need to go through equitable distribution through the courts and in that process, all debts, assets and obligations will be divided. 

Don't make the mistake I did and 'trust' he'll do the right thing. After having the police called by my STBX wife for 'assaulting' her by throwing a cup of water on her when she was physically pushing and hitting me while egging me on to hit her so "others can see what you're doing to me on the outside that you're doing to me on the inside' and stating to the police she was in fear of her life because I had guns in the house even though I never threatened her. I left and spent the night at my brothers and the next day I went down to withdraw all of my premarital assets from the joint checking accounts that she demanded she placed on. I left $5,000 in our joint checking account to pay for bills, etc. She took all of that out and refused to pay 1/2 of the credit cards, 1/2 of the taxes or half of the rent. 

I could go after 1/2 of this but by the time that I get done with attorney fees, it wouldn't be worth it. 

If the bank won't allow you to place a restriction on withdrawals with both partners consent, I'd immediately take out 1/2.


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I wish I would have taken out hAlf the savings but like you didn't want to start a war! He left me with 71cents in savings and the following week transferred all his checking to his own acct.


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## Dignity (Aug 6, 2012)

Do what you need to do to protect yourself financially-as long as it's all above board.

Liars cannot be trusted, and in my experience, especially with money. 

What does your lawyer say you should do?


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## LockeCPM4 (Jul 11, 2012)

Dignity said:


> What does your lawyer say you should do?


That's what I was going to ask.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

cdm, you can do whatever you want with your half of the liquid assets. So yes if I were you I'd withdraw your half now, keep all transaction records, you may not be entitled to keep all that cash, but the court will divide up all the equity fairly.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Yes. Do it. I did and it was one of the only smar things I have done.

It's perfectly legal, and most any attorney will support it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

He said he normally suggests taking half out, but he says everyone makes their own decision and some get screwed and some don't.

I would think if I took all or more than half out, it might be concidered unfair but I would only take out half...

Now he could start having his paycheck go into a separate account of his own and i would have to trust that he pays the mortgage etc which he is obligated to do at this point, but people do stuff all the time with not paying bills and then you have problems.

I really don't think he would do that but he may say to me that he will pay half the bills and i pay other half, but i know that since i make no money, he is responsible for these costs until D is final.

That being said, the mortgage company does not care as long as they are getting money. 

I hope his is not a total jerk.

But as a sidenote, just so you know what i am dealing with..... right now he is getting ready for work from 3-11 tonight and I know that he is actually on vacation, but didnt tell me and is spending the time with the posOW. So believe it or not, this whole week he is actually on vacation but making it seem like he is going to work. I will confront him with all this....just getting my ducks in a row...cool and collected as hard as it is.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

cdm9999,
You stated that since you do not work your H is responsible for all bills. This is not true. You are responsible for your 1/2 of the bills like him. Since you have opted for D, what is your plan to support yourself after the D is final? Until the first hearing and pendete lite court orders are in place, you are BOTH responsible for bills, not just the money maker. Here in VA, spouses have a duty to support EACH OTHER, not the higher earning spouse supports the lower earning spouse. I'm telling you this so you are not caught off guard.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would take half. You can always choose later to give it back. besides it is your money.


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## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

From what i understood from the lawyer, since i don't have income, he would have to pay all while negotiations are going on...just like he has to pay all my lawyer costs. It probably is based on income and since i have none, he needs to pay it. 

I could be wrong, but that is my understanding...i am in NY.

Anyone else know? thank for all advice.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

cdm9999 said:


> From what i understood from the lawyer, since i don't have income, he would have to pay all while negotiations are going on...just like he has to pay all my lawyer costs. It probably is based on income and since i have none, he needs to pay it.
> 
> I could be wrong, but that is my understanding...i am in NY.
> 
> Anyone else know? thank for all advice.


You should listen to your lawyer, not anonymous people on the internet (in general). But why do you have no income? 

Around here (Canada), my understanding is that each spouse is expected to be making a "reasonable" income. In the case of a spouse with minimal education, that might be minimum wage, and by the time child care is factored in, it might be agreed that it's not worthwhile. But it's not just a given that the other spouse will pay up for everything... The courts can assign costs, but there's a legal process.

Again, I'm not a lawyer, and I'm in a different country. Your lawyer is your best asset in all this. And I would wait till the day before he's served to transfer any funds. Have you worked out who will live where yet?

C


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

cdm,
You may want to find a different lawyer. Sounds like this one wants to litigate the case and will tell you what you want to hear. NY is a funny state with many things though so you could be right. Generally speaking, each spouse is expected to support themselves post divorce. Spousal support may be given but I know down here it is not given for very long. Since you have no income are you really expecting your ex to pay for everything? That is a pipe dream at best. How do you plan to support yourself post divorce? 

Since you have no income are you just expecting to walk into court and the judge will just carve your husbands paycheck up like a thanksgiving turkey and give you a bunch of it? Reality doesn't work that way. It may be like that for a short while but not long term. Please tell me you have a plan other than the legal system for your support. Also, since you are bringing the divorce action, it is unlikely your husband will end up paying for your lawyer. If he brought the action on you, it may very well be a different story. Do your research before you blindly believe your lawyer. Also, your lawyer can NEVER know for sure what is going to happen in court. Court is a crap shoot at best where your odds of getting what you want are always less than 50%.


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## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

I have no income because I am a stay at home mom of 4 , a decision my WH and I made 18 years ago. I have given up my job to raise the kids...my youngest is 5. 

I'm a little shocked at the reaction I am getting. Of course, I will have to find a way to make a living in the next few years. I should get maintenance for about 5 years or so. I will also need health insurance after about 3 years.

This was not my choice. I only had to divorce because of infidelity. And I do think I deserve my share of what we have built together. The rug is being pulled from under me and I have given up earning potential by raising the kids. He was able to work and move up to make a nice salary that he will continue to get.

My situation is not unusual. Geez!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

cdm9999 said:


> I have no income because I am a stay at home mom of 4 , a decision my WH and I made 18 years ago. I have given up my job to raise the kids...my youngest is 5.
> 
> I'm a little shocked at the reaction I am getting. Of course, I will have to find a way to make a living in the next few years. I should get maintenance for about 5 years or so. I will also need health insurance after about 3 years.
> 
> ...


I'm just asking questions and commenting based on stuff I've seen. You may want to avoid taking things too personally if you're going to seek advice online.

I wish you all the best in resolving your situation.

C


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