# Sexual Deviant and Infidelity



## JessieP (Feb 28, 2012)

Hello, this is my first post so bear with me if I posted in the wrong forum. I recently just found out my husband of almost 4 years had sex with another married women 3 times within a 2 month span, the final time was the night of my birthday . They were having an emotional affair in front of me although I was aware of it I didn't know that's what it was at first. She's been going through problems with her husband and confided in my husband via text and in person "chats" about thier problems. Anyways so recently my my husband called things off and cut all ties with her he told me all the dirty secrets, mostly because I wanted all the details. They always did it in the dark, mostly clothed, twice un-protected (yes I've already gone to get STD tested), and finally they did it once in the backseat of OUR car. He told me he felt nothing when they did it and that it felt wrong the whole time, he said that he felt extreme pressure to have sex with her and that he tried to do it real fast to get it over with. Either way I dislike the fact he had sex with her at all, but the night that I asked all these details we ended up making love....and it was intense to say the least. We've made love almost every chance we get, I just wonder why I am having these feelings....almost like I am trying to ensure he never wants to stray again or that I'm trying to show him what he could be missing out on. Also I expressed to him how I wished that had been me in the back of our car, since we've never done it there before. I said I wanted him to take me to the place they parked our car and walk me through how it all happend and for us to have sex there in a similiar manner. I'm not sure if this is some sort of sick fantasy I have or if this is some sort of strange coping mechanism, either way I need some advice as to whether this is a good idea or if it will just bring back bad memories for him?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am so sorry. You should copy this post in the Coping with Infidelity forum for more responses. Do you want o sty married or not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Look up hysterical bonding , very very common in infidelity cases.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do you really believe him that he felt pressured and didn't like it and was mostly clothed? I wouldn't believe it, so that's why I ask.

 In any case, sorry you're going through this.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Do you really believe him that he felt pressured and didn't like it and was mostly clothed? I wouldn't believe it, so that's why I ask.
> 
> In any case, sorry you're going through this.


He hated it so bad that he did it not twice (just to check if it repulsed him), but multiple times?
Jessie, you're not getting the truth.
If you hit yourself in the nose and it hurt, would you do it again because someone wanted you to?
He didn't dislike it much and he obviously felt like doing it again...


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Shaggy said:


> Look up hysterical bonding , very very common in infidelity cases.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: the fact that you want to reenact it with your H probably means you want to replace the memories of his affair with memories of you two. This can be a good thing, but I normally don't recommend it to anyone until they have had time to fully heal. It can cause you to trigger and end in disaster if done too soon.

You may have to hear this: his affair might have been filling in some dark part of him, where being able to run around and do these things with your friend gave him a type of excitement. He didn't hate it, he kept going back. Don't settle for less than the truth.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As someone who cheated on their spouse, I really doubt your husbands story. How exactly was he pressured into having sex? And did he come confessing to you, or has he just admitted what you already know? He's not taking ownership for his part in the affair, from what you say. 

As far as the hysterical bonding, do whatever you need to process your emotions, but try not to get arrested. It's not worth it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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