# Im feelin' guilt inside



## tash*shat (Dec 7, 2011)

Hello everyone, im tash, 30 yrs of age, married and has 1 child and im newbee here..

I am already married for over 7years now and i have intimate relation with other guy. 

He was my officemate before and we both comfortable with each other. He is also married with one kid. I felt love, value and care from him that i havent seen from my husband. I love him as well but i cant stand on the reality that both of us already have families and we are doing the thing ("Infidelity")..

Just last week i broke up with him and tried to live without him but its so hard knowing that for 2years he was the one i considered my bestfriend and understand me for who i am. Its hard knowing that i am used with the routine of talking, laughing and crying with him in any time. Hard for the fact that seems my life is not anymore complete without him. And its hard knowing that i left him and seeing him also miserable due to that decision.

We hide to all our relationship but i know someday soon they'll know about us. That is why as early as this time i tried going out from that relationship.

I am currently restless and feelin' guilt. I need him but i cant take also being happy with him is not forever.

Can anyone please give me some advice..


----------



## HusbandInPain (Nov 8, 2011)

Yes, start thinking about the consiequences for your husband when you rip his soul out and destroy his life. Because he's going to find out. And it was be the most awful experience of his life, one he may never recover from. It would be far, far better if you just sat him down and told him everything today. Then, there's a tiny, tiny chance that he might one day forgive you.


----------



## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

Your guilt amounts to nothing compared to the pain your husband is going to endure once he finds out. If you are so unhappy in your marriage then why don't you fix it or leave. The only reason this affair seems so great is because you haven't thrown reality into it such as bills, kids, limited quality time, etc. this OM doesn't possess any better qualities than your husband would if you invested in him. In fact this OM you are so in love with has already proven he is a liar and cheater. Sounds like a swell guy and I wonder what the future holds for you two.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Think of life as a struggling single mom.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

SIP said:


> Your guilt amounts to nothing compared to the pain your husband is going to endure once he finds out. If you are so unhappy in your marriage then why don't you fix it or leave. The only reason this affair seems so great is because you haven't thrown reality into it such as bills, kids, limited quality time, etc. this OM doesn't possess any better qualities than your husband would if you invested in him. In fact this OM you are so in love with has already proven he is a liar and cheater. Sounds like a swell guy and I wonder what the future holds for you two.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree: What ever it is, it will be well deserved


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

tash*shat said:


> i considered my bestfriend and understand me for who i am.


He's not your bestfriend - he's the guy who you have been cheating with, and giving the love and attention sex to that should have been going to your husband. 

Bestfriends help you have a better family - this guy has helped you set the stage to destroy your family, not help it.

Look at your daughter. Now consider this fact: Her safe, happy home life was ended by this OM. You daughter doesnt' know it yet, but she will. She will come to find out her mom cheated on her and her dad. She will find that her mom made the choice to give to another man the one thing that would ripe this little girls family apart. She will learn her mom is a very selfish person.

Next, look at your husband. He doesn't know it yet either - but this best friend of yours help end his marriage. Oh you and your husband might find a way to move past your cheating, but it will never be the marriage and family that it was. It will be a family with a dad that is always wondering what the mom is up to. Is the mom lying to him and his daughter still.

It will be a family were you daughter when she is dating and getting married will be explaining to the guy she is love with, that her mom cheated on her dad.

----

I'm not just trying to be nasty here - I'm trying to wake you up to the very real damage you have already done to your family. So when it all comes out, you can have an understanding of the long term consequences your Best Friend helped create.

So it he still your best friend? Is the above hurt and betrayal something a best friend does?

You need to think about this stuff - and come to the realization that this OM, isn't your best friend. He is just about your worst enemy. He helped you do all those things to your family. And you know what - he doesn't care that he did it. He doesn't care that he has hurt you daughter. He doesn't care that she is going to have that conversation with the guy she loves, and that the guy may decide to not marry her, because he's worried that she may be too much like her mom. 

Your BF, who you have so many loving feelings for, doesn't care that he helped scar your husbands soul. He has absolutely no remorse or guilt for how he has helped end your marriage, scar your daughters future, or scar your husbands soul.

He has no remorse that your husband will never fully trust you again.

And you know what, I don't think you've fully thought through and realized that you likely don't have any remorse for having done all those things to his family.

The reality is the two of you should consider each other to be vile enemies, because each has attacked and hurt the others families deeply.

---

Advice - stick to your plan of ending the affair completely. See the OM for what he is - not a lover, but a threat to your family and kid.

Then tell your husband what you've done. Answer all his questions honestly - do not lie at all - do not try to protect him by hiding the truth.

Then beg for your husband to let you try and earn the privilege of being let to apply to rejoin him and the family. Beg him to give you a chance to prove to him that you are not the horrible person you've been, that you really do want to be better than you have been, that you are done hurting your husband and daughter, and that you see the OM as the evil threat he is.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I sympathize with your husband, who for the past several years has probably felt neglected, frustrated and a huge emptiness in his marriage (unknowingly because his W wasn't doing anything to help him meet his companionship needs) yet has remained committed to it because he made a vow and whatever affection he was trying to give was falling on blind eyes and deaf ears (from a W who closed herself off to her own H in order to pursue her fanatasy instead). 

You don't feel any respect or appreciation for your H because you have none for him. Does he even suspect your longterm affair? If not then you probably view him as stupid, insensitive and inferior to you, and if he does know then he is just a doormat with no self esteem which is probably even less attractive and respectable. Your actions and deceit have played the largest part in your loss of attraction to your H, and if you don't own it you will never be happy in any relationship.

It is time for honesty, tell your H why being married to you has probably been such a crappy ride for both of you, if you want to save your marriage you need to fess up and give him time to process it and decide if he wants to remain married to you and fix the relationship or if he wants to divorce you. If you don't want the marriage and he does it will be up to you to divorce but he still deserves the truth. No matter which path either of you take, he has been devastated (he may just not realize it yet).

As for the pain you are feeling from the loss of your relationship with your AP, you will heal soon enough, you are in withdrawl right now, and also still in the fog. If you remain NC with AP you will be over him in a few months. If you stay in contact you will only prolong your feelings of loss, so just do everyone a favor and go cold turkey with him.

Oh also, right now your H probably has blind trust in you. That is about to be shattered forever, but from my firsthand experience if you are anything less than completely honest with him about the truth the damage in the trust will be unrepairable - if he gets the full, unredacted truth straight from you, there is a chance to restore the trust (within a few years down the road if you keep working hard to regain it).


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles were reversed how would you feel if your husband was having a sexual affair behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's? Eventually your husband or his wife will find out. Are you prepared to be divorced?

Your best bet is to confess to your husband and the OM's wife. This will end the affair permanently and will allow you to work and repair your marriage. It will be difficult but it can be done. If and when your husband finds out from someone else it will be the end of your marriage. The bottom line is that this will end very badly if you do not confess. You either will have a marriage based on honesty and respect or lies and deceit. The choice is yours.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Guilt is a motherf-cker. 

Good for you for breaking it off with officemate man. The truth has a creepy way of revealing itself as the WORST times. You may want to consider telling your husband before he finds out from someoneo else. Plus your husband needs to get tested for STDs (you, too).

Get some Marriage counselling and individual counselling for yourself.


----------



## KatiezMomma (Nov 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> He's not your bestfriend - he's the guy who you have been cheating with, and giving the love and attention sex to that should have been going to your husband.
> 
> Bestfriends help you have a better family - this guy has helped you set the stage to destroy your family, not help it.
> 
> ...


This is fantastic. It made me cry actually, I printed it off and have left it for my WH to read. He is really deep in the fog and nothing I say makes any difference to him because the OW is just so perfect. I hope that he reads it and takes in what it really means, its not just me that is effected, its our daughter too. She is only 7 at the moment and doesn't understand whats happening but she isn't going to be 7 forever. One day she will know that this man that she loves, respects and looks up to made the decision that this OW was worth more to him than taking the time and eneregy to invest in our family and it will in some way shape her as a woman moving into relationships of her own. That (I hope) stays with him forever.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I don't think OP will do anything until the affair blows up in her face. Her post reeks of selfishness. I don't want to scare her away so I'll keep my opinions to myself.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Tell your husband the truth about your affair so he can also have the choice to decide for himself whether he wants to continue with the marriage or divorce you and move on. You owe him that much. 

If you don't tell him now and he finds out years later, the devastation will be much greater because he's going to believe that his life with you has been a great lie. He will feel that you robbed him of years that he could have been using to build a better life for himself with or without you.

Your choice. Pay now or pay later with compounded interest.


----------



## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

tash*shat said:


> Hello everyone, im tash, 30 yrs of age, married and has 1 child and im newbee here..
> 
> I am already married for over 7years now and i have intimate relation with other guy.
> 
> ...


Yes, divorce your husband and set him free from the likes of you so he can find a decent woman.


----------



## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Tell you husband now - it'll be much much easier than when he finds out on his own. 

When you do tell him all of it - every last bit - hold nothing back. It's the only honorable thing you can do in such a dishonorable thing and the only scrap of dignity you can cling to. Oh - btw - I'm a cheater to.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

tash*shat said:


> Hello everyone, im tash, 30 yrs of age, married and has 1 child and im newbee here..
> 
> I am already married for over 7years now and i have intimate relation with other guy.
> 
> ...


One of the problems of an affair is that it allows you to think in lots of grey. 
Lots of "if only" "another time" "sigh,,," 
The fact you put infidelity in quotes is very telling..

I'm not going to bash you. Just tell you a little true story

My wife decided almost a year ago that she so loved a married man that she would continue the affair regardless of the consequences. The FOG for her lasted until a few days ago. She has been wanting to reconcile with me for a month or so. I promised we would talk after she finished with the boyfriend.

1. She lives on her own.
2. Her fiends have peeled off as the reality of the situation comes out to everyone. 
3. I have a GF and a new life.
4. Her children do not trust her or want to spend time with her. 
5. The OM is desperately trying to save his marriage.
6. She has no job and is incapable of holding one down.
7. She lost her best friend. Me. 25 years 

So some advice..
Do not contact the OM ever again. 
Do not tell your husband until you have got over your withdrawal from the OM. It will be agony for him to see you crying for him
After that.
Tell him. 
Be prepared for him to be wiped out. Betrayal is the most painful experience you can inflict on someone. [this is not made up]

Be prepared to be told to leave.
Be prepared for him to hate you for the rest of your life.
Be prepared for the life above.


----------



## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

ing said:


> So some advice..
> Do not contact the OM ever again.
> Do not tell your husband until you have got over your withdrawal from the OM.


The problem with waiting for the withdrawal to be over is, as long as she doesn't tell her husband, she may not get over him and more than likely contact the OM again.

And if by some chance she does finally get over OM, I highly doubt by that time she will see the need to tell the truth.




> Be prepared for him to be wiped out. Betrayal is the most painful experience you can inflict on someone. [this is not made up]
> 
> Be prepared to be told to leave.
> Be prepared for him to hate you for the rest of your life.
> Be prepared for the life above.


Well it all depends on him. He may want to stay in the marriage, or he may want to drop her flat. If the latter is how he more than likely will react, then whats the point of waiting to tell him?


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> T
> 
> 
> > he problem with waiting for the withdrawal to be over is, as long as she doesn't tell her husband, she may not get over him and more than likely contact the OM again.
> ...


----------

