# Losing hope



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel after only 3 days of finding out my husbands mistake affair. He only talked about it the night he confessed and now does not want to talk about it anymore. He has basically made me promise not to talk about it because I would be living in the past.

Yet he wants to keep punishing me for the restraininig order that was on him that is now been removed since early early November. Yes he knows about my affair too.

Tonight when we were out together, which was not as much fun as I had expected....I told him if he wanted me to leave his affair in the past and never talk about it again, then he will have to leave the whole restraining order ordeal in the past as well as what I did. He said that was fair so I guess we will see where this leads.

Tonight after our night out I just don't have much hope for us. Everything that I have been doing he has not liked and was complaining about. I have been texting him little things that I really like about him and miss. I thought he would like to know what I really like about him, but I guess not. I feel like stopping all texts to him unless he texts me. Now thqat I know he is just texting me back just because does not make me feel very good.

I also really wore a sexy shirt today and sexy bra and panties. I had hoped he would notice. I wanted to kiss him and have him feel the magic, but it did not feel like he did at all.

Tonight before he went to bed he said he is full of anxiety and me crying and telling him my feelings is not helping him.

He has told me he loves me and told me he is in love with me, but I'm not so sure he really is in love with me. How am I supposed to ask him if he does not want me to talk about these kinds of things?? 

He says he just wants me to have fun and relax while we are out.

But don't I deserve the same from him?? I just want him to relax in our house. I want him to show me he loves me. Kiss me and hold me. How do we get passed all this if we can not love eachotehr right now??

We have a MC appt on the 23rd. I wonder what will happen there?? He seems to focus everything on what I have done wrong. 

He said he does not plan to spend the night wiht me at our home until after the new year...That could be well into January I'm afraid.

I think its really time to get his parents on board with me on talking to him and convincing him this is a 2 way street and if he wants his family back he needs to give back a little in the emotion department. he needs to try spending the night with me.

I'm begining to think he does not want me at all, but I wonder why then does he set up the MC sessions and everything else.

He had said not too long ago that he wanted an totally and communicion marriage, but I don't know when he actually wants this marriage to start.

He says he can not spend the night cause he is afraid of my controlling paretns coming over nad then he will go to jail cause he won't be abelt o contain his anger at my Dad for everything my Dad has done. I told my husband if my dad broke into our house again, we would call the cops. (my Dad has broken in twice)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The bit about your father coming over is nonsense. All that has to happened is to tell your father to leave and call the police if he won't. Shoot your husband could go to the bedroom, close the door until the police arrive.

I agree with you, this is not very promissing. I do think that your next step is to talk to his parents. See what light they can shed on it and any help they can give.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> The bit about your father coming over is nonsense. All that has to happened is to tell your father to leave and call the police if he won't. Shoot your husband could go to the bedroom, close the door until the police arrive.
> 
> I agree with you, this is not very promissing. I do think that your next step is to talk to his parents. See what light they can shed on it and any help they can give.


I also don't know that both of us should expect that we are happy and hopeful only 3 days after he has exposed his affair.

He went to bed tongiht, but hten he text to see if I was still up.

He said he could not sleep, he said hes really frustrated. 
I said: "with what?,I am too, Losing hope"

He said" Our situation, the way u are acting, the way I'm acting"
"the way you talk, me without patience"

I told him what I have been trying to do and he said "i know" for all of it.

then I said" I'm not sure how you really feel??, How do you feel??, Do you still feel magic for me??"

He said "I'm not happy, I have lots of doubts, I love U lots"

He said earlier tonihgt on a phone call that he is full of anxiety. 

Of course I'm full of anxiety and sadness too.

I don't know what he needs from me. Does he need me to tell him how guilty I feel too?? I did tell him tonihgt how guilty I felt, that if I didn't do what I did, the restraining order would never have happened and he would not have done what he did and he would be coming home to me every night.

He responded to that as "your parents brain washed you"

Even though my parents had brain washed me for so many years, I wish I had woken up sooner!!!

I wish I could just relax and give this time. Its so hard to do when you have already been alone for so long nad you have already relized why things happened as they did. I do wish I couod take back what I did!! But then if I could take back what I did, would I have gotten the seperation from eachother that I needed?? I would have not been able to relize what my parents were doing. I would have not been ablet o forgive him for all the past things that happend. I relized I had a hand in all the past things too and thats how I was able to forgive.

Now I hope he can forgive me for what I have done, so that he can leave it in the past and move on. In turn I'll be able to forgive him for his affair. 

I hope I'll be able to relax and not worry so much. Our MC session is this next Friday. I hope our counselor can lead us both in the right direction for healing and bonding. I so need bonding time with him. I hope she can convince him to start spending the night at our home. How can we work on our marraige if we spend so little alone time together because we are not living in the same household?? I hope she can calm his anxieties about this house and my parents breaking in and all the bad my Dad has done to him even before the breakin. I'm not asking him to forgive my dad, but to not punish me for my dads actions.

I told my husband tonihgt that my parents never wanted us together from the very begining 11 years ago and by H staying away from our home, hes letting my parents win.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It takes a long time to recover from an affair... 2-5 years. 3 days is not even enough time for it all to sink in.

Maybe you need to give yourself some time here to obsorb and determine what will happen.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> It takes a long time to recover from an affair... 2-5 years. 3 days is not even enough time for it all to sink in.
> 
> Maybe you need to give yourself some time here to obsorb and determine what will happen.


I agree with you, its so hard to just have time


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