# Gauging progress and timing



## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Just to recap where my W and I are atm:

WAW, no OM. Separated 9 months. 2 small children, equal co-parenting. Spend most weekends (at least 1 day) together as a family. I filed for D out of emotions, and now regret doing so. Currently, we are on a 3 month hold to cool off, seek MC, etc. W told me and the MC last week, after 2 sessions, that she had no hope, and wanted to proceed with D.

Since that time, I backed off my active pursuit. I have been cool and calm. We have had great times around the children. Began joking around, etc. Talked about future trips together, etc. Last night, I made dinner for the fam, and when I was leaving, we embraced for a few seconds.

Now, through this all, I have been the one to initiate things. I have not asked for a relationship gauge, since I heard her last week.

I have not gone hardcore with the 180. It seems too abrupt, and I am afraid. My thinking has been to show her through actions that I care and love her. Doing the "little things" that reassure her of my love. I have begun improving me. Lost 20 pounds, upbeat about everything, began making new friends, etc. My goal is that she give us more time, while she sees my progress which may give her a spark.

However, atm, I am sad, and don't know what to do. What are signs that she is softening? Can I do things that will push her away? When and how do I talk to her about our relationship? What are signs from her that I can approach?

I am riding the fine line between detaching and remaining friends.

Part of this is just a rant due to the way I feel.....

Thanks.


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## lovemygirls (Feb 26, 2012)

You gave great advice to bippy17 yesterday! Work today on getting back there.

"What are signs that she is softening? Can I do things that will push her away? When and how do I talk to her about our relationship? What are signs from her that I can approach?"

I stayed up all night last night thinking these same things myself. I started a multi-faceted flow-chart (on my wall with index cards!) trying to come up with signals based on the current and ongoing conditions, if then statements, possible outcomes including +/-'s for each of us...

I'm sure it sounds strange to some, but this aides me in what I think can produce the best outcome without any surprises.


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