# Is something better than nothing?



## emily93 (May 3, 2011)

I've been married for 4 years, we were together for 2 years before that. As horrible as it sounds, I've never loved him. I've tried so hard. He is a great man, comes from a good family, he's funny, smart, laid back. Most of all, he loves me so much. Everyday I would wake up and hope that I would love him. We are such a smart match. But I don't. I feel like I married my best friend, which is what you're supposed to do right? But I just don't love him. I feel the same around him as any of my friends, obviously a little different, but I just don't feel love. I knew I didn't love him when we got married, but I was okay with it. I thought I would never find anyone that loved me like he did, and it made him happy, so why not? (Terrible I know) 
Shortly after we got married, I started saying how it didn't feel right. We went to see a marriage counselor once. My husband isn't exactly the talking type, he didn't like it and we never went back. I thought part of our problem might be that we lived in the town he grew up in, with all of his same friends and family. He relied heavily on their thoughts. So, 2 years ago we packed and moved 1,000 miles away. I thought it might be better if it were just the two of us. It did. We have grown closer, we do things together instead of as a massive group. But my heart just doesn't feel like his. I've thought about divorce/separation several times, but everytime I used the argument of "I can't do that to him" He really is such a great guy, and I do feel terrible for the heartbreak I'm about to cause him. Part of me wonders if I should just stay with him, maybe he is the best thing for me, but then I think 'I deserve to be in love too, right?' I want to make sure he'll be okay after we split up (I make signficantly more than him). I have started saving some money. We don't really own anything so that isn't an issue. I wanted to keep him on my health insurance, but I want to be able to move on with my life. It seems like that would be harder for both of us if we're still married.

I feel like a terrible person. I know I shouldn't have let it go on this long, but I wanted to love him. I really do want to stay friends with him, although I know that might not happen. I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for on here, thoughts maybe, suggestions?


----------



## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

I guess I'm curious as to what your definition of "love" is.


----------



## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

I agree with the previous poster. When someone says they don't "feel in love" it often just means that there aren't any strong romantic feelings going on. However, romantic feelings or passionate love(as discussed in recent thread), have to be worked on.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Emily, loving someone isn't a feeling one can "create." 

It's either there or it isn't. And it sounds like for the entire duration of your marriage, you haven't and don't love him.

You are going to be miserable if you stay like this, hoping you an wake up and find yourself loving him, as you described. That is no way to live. It's not fair to you and it's especially cruel to him. He probably thinks that you love him.

My advice is to let him go so he can find someone who truly loves him. And so you can find your own happiness and find the reasons why you married someone you never loved. Marriage is huge. And it doesn't sound like you did it for the right reasons.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He seems rather low maintenance. It doesn't sound as if he'd mind if this continued. The problem lies with you.


----------

