# Finally Hit the Wall - Demanding he Sign Papers - I am Done.



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

So I finally hit the wall and reached the point of no return. It's amazing how as a BS I got sucked down into the drama and lies and couldn't see "the truth". This guy is does not deserve me.

This weekend I followed up with him politely about signing my revised MSA agreement. I am filing at fault based on the adultery. He started hammering me with a guilt trip:

- I have sold all of my guitars to make ends meet and you know how much they mean to me. Now they hang in a pawn shop.
- You are just doing this out of spite because 'Mommy' has to stay on top.
- I have more character than you and have worked much harder for what I have.
- I supported you between jobs. (2 months out of the whole damn relationship)
- I only want the best for you and you are determined to flatten me.
- It bothers me that you are taking my money when you don't even need it.
- The only thing you should be taking is child support the rest is just out of spite. 
- You are just jealous of my accomplishments
- You want me to be this POS that you are telling everyone I am.
- You are trying to turn my daughter against me.

And then he even had the nerve to accuse ME of making things up to make him look back. And inventing the affair. Now he didn't start building a relationship with this woman until after we had separated and I am just making it all up to defame his character. He is on freaking crack!

I just finally hit the wall. I am so sick of this ass playing the victim. I am tired of the damn guilt trips that I endured for 14 years. I am so tired of this self involved narcissist in every possible way I don't know what I ever saw in him or why I put up with this for so long. I am SO tired of this nice guy routine he uses to mask his manipulation.

I told him to sign my damn papers or I will start getting ugly at this point. It's go time for me.

Sorry I just had to vent. I think I finally hit a point of clarity where I can't wait to get this loser out of my life.


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

He has gone round the bend. Honestly, he has just enough brain cells left to tell his heart to beat and his lungs to breathe.

At some point my emotions would turn to pure pity for the shell of a person he's become. He needs an exorcism and then last rites even more than a divorce.

I hope you are channeling all of these powerful emotions into exercise. Go outside and run as far and fast as you can, until you almost get lost. Then walk back home. Do not let him continue to have a hold over you emotionally. He isn't the man you married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

This morning he informed me that he is running out of stuff to sell. 

He expects sympathy. I have none left.

He certainly needs some holy water thrown on him. Wowza.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> Sorry I just had to vent. I think I finally hit a point of clarity where I can't wait to get this loser out of my life.


When my cheater husband's affair was discovered, He claimed he thought I was cheating. WTF. 

Even during recovery he continuously accused me of cheating. 

Now that I have an appointment with an attorney, he insisted that I am cheating and that is why I want a divorce.

What an ass, I want a divorce because he cheated. 

I am so sick of his bull and excuses and justifications and ongoing deception and ongoing lies and general assness.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Vent all you want. Sorry you have to go through this. Your WS is a piece of work and he only has himself to blame. Keep in mind that even with D it is not over, especially that their is a child involved. Try to prepare for more bull as best you can. You are doing the correct thing.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Yeah Thorburn I am prepared for it. I have no doubt that it will continue. But I feel like when I have the divorce he will no longer be legally tied to me and his life is no longer my concern.

At this point I wish he would just go the hell away and move the 2.5 hours north to be with his OW.

I am trying to push him to sign the papers. He has had them for a week and he seems to be stalling now. He doesn't want an R - he just doesn't think he should have to pay me anything. At this point I would almost forgo the money just to have him gone.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will crash and fall on his face.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Good for you!
He cheats but you're supposed to feel badly for his situation. Unbelievable.
My STBXH moved 6 hours and one state away to be with OW, and he wants to act like the victim in this breakup. I say, go ahead and try, I never held a gun to your head to lie, cheat and deceive the family.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

It's amazing. They do all the damage and still play the victim. I'm starting to think there is some psychology at play here. At some point they should be able to map out the "personality" of a cheater so we can just avoid them all together.

But there is a point as the BS that you hit a point of clarity and just stop giving a damn. For me it was realizing that he is a selfish ass. Not once has he asked me about my situation or how I am doing. He just rains down his victim routine. Gimme a break.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Unsure2621 said:


> Yeah Thorburn I am prepared for it. I have no doubt that it will continue. But I feel like when I have the divorce he will no longer be legally tied to me and his life is no longer my concern.
> 
> At this point I wish he would just go the hell away and move the 2.5 hours north to be with his OW.
> 
> ...


Go back a year and see where you two were at. It is amazing how these things develop. People throw their lives away for what? A piece of as*, shared interest, or a host of other things. Then on top of it they blameshift, lie, lie, lie. Try to be as rational as possible with the finances. If you don't need his money move on. He will more then likely breathe a sigh if he gets off free and clear but in the long run you will be free of him. Like I said before, he is a piece of work and beyond understanding at this point.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Good for you!!!


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Thorburn a year ago I thought we were pretty happy. We had a stable home life without any real financial worries.

But according to him he has been VERY unhappy for a VERY long time. I didn't pick up on the signs until October when I found out about the OW.

I think I have finally arrived at a place where I don't blame myself nor do I compare myself to her.

I take pretty much everything he says to me with a grain of salt. Most of his nonsense is just his way of justifying his decision to himself.

Hope that turns out well for him. Looks like he really picked a winner to run off with. Three kids, no job, likes to burn things because it seems like art. Two peas on a pod. 

He is bitter with me because he is running out of things to pawn to make ends meet - and I really care!


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> When my cheater husband's affair was discovered, He claimed he thought I was cheating. WTF.
> 
> Even during recovery he continuously accused me of cheating.
> 
> ...


So sorry you're going through this. Stay strong. You know all his blameshifting is so he can justify to himself his sh!tty actions. It's great that you aren't falling for his blameshifting bullsh!t.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Unsure2621 said:


> Thorburn a year ago I thought we were pretty happy. We had a stable home life without any real financial worries.
> 
> But according to him he has been VERY unhappy for a VERY long time. I didn't pick up on the signs until October when I found out about the OW.


Re-writing the marital history in their mind is SO part of the cheaters script. They have to remember all the bad times (even make some things up) in order to do their blameshifting. And he's mad because you didn't fall for it.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> Yeah Thorburn I am prepared for it. I have no doubt that it will continue. But I feel like when I have the divorce he will no longer be legally tied to me and his life is no longer my concern.
> 
> At this point I wish he would just go the hell away and move the 2.5 hours north to be with his OW.
> 
> ...


As much as you would like to do this -- DON'T. You never know what the financial situation might be in the future for you and your daughter. Don't forego what you deserve just to get rid of him because your daughter will keep him tied to you for a long time.l


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Yeah I am not falling for the blameshifting or other bull****. Whatever load of crap he throws at me I throw the truth back at him twice as hard. To which he responds that I am making things up and calls me "a nut".

OK. You chase ghosts. And I am the nut? OOOOK. Keep telling yourself that buddy.

I finally hit the wall and told him that he has today to sign my papers. I told him if he doesn't I will be at his place of work the next day with a legal courier, and notary, a pen, and the knowledge that he is driving his company truck out of town every other weekend to hunt ghosts with his OW. I don't think that's a bluff he wants to call at this point. 

And I agree Lord I do think he is pissed that he can no longer manipulate me. He did it for 14 years and I am standing up and not backing down this time.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Unsure2621 said:


> Yeah I am not falling for the blameshifting or other bull****. Whatever load of crap he throws at me I throw the truth back at him twice as hard. To which he responds that I am making things up and calls me "a nut".
> 
> OK. You chase ghosts. And I am the nut? OOOOK. Keep telling yourself that buddy.
> 
> ...


OMG. He isn't Jason Hawes or Grant Wilson of Ghost Hunters, is it? I know they drive their Rotor Rooter plumbing truck.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

No. He is one of the 10 million morons that jumped on the ghost hunting band wagon after the ghost hunters became popular. 

He was a musician. And a damn good one. And also had a regular career. This crap came out of left field and now he has a complex.


----------



## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> So sorry you're going through this. Stay strong. You know all his blameshifting is so he can justify to himself his sh!tty actions. It's great that you aren't falling for his blameshifting bullsh!t.


Thank you.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

He signed the paperwork.

One step closer.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Unsure2621 said:


> He signed the paperwork.
> 
> One step closer.


Hugs. :smthumbup:


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

And of course today Thorburn I am dealing with more crap as expected.

According to him, I hate him, I am ruining his life and driving him into the ground. He asked me for mercy. WTH.

I tried to explain to him that his decision has consequences. But he blames me for those consequences. I can't wait to get this over with.

He is selfish and will not take any responsibility for his own actions.


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> And of course today Thorburn I am dealing with more crap as expected.
> 
> According to him, I hate him, I am ruining his life and driving him into the ground. He asked me for mercy. WTH.
> 
> ...


I don't mean to be flip, but maybe what he means is, stop dancing around an upside down star in the bathroom while scattering eye of newt and chanting his name in Swahili. He is on a downward spiral.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

He went from apologizing to me about how he ended our marriage. And said he did indeed want to leave but went about it the wrong way to blaming me for everything that is going wrong in his life right now.

He told me not to contact him anymore unless it is regarding our daughter. I have only contacted him regarding the legal process or her to begin with. He said every time he hears from me his chest starts pounding and he feels overcome with anxiety. " A man can only take so much. You are driving me into the ground. You are ruining my life".

He is under stress now because of the amount of money that he has to give me monthly. But has confirmed that staying in a marriage for material reasons is wrong.

I am just glad I am heading to the end of all of this. I am wore out. It's amazing how he cheated on me. Left me for another woman. And I am ruining his life. Sad.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> He went from apologizing to me about how he ended our marriage. And said he did indeed want to leave but went about it the wrong way to blaming me for everything that is going wrong in his life right now.
> 
> He told me not to contact him anymore unless it is regarding our daughter. I have only contacted him regarding the legal process or her to begin with. He said every time he hears from me his chest starts pounding and he feels overcome with anxiety. " A man can only take so much. You are driving me into the ground. You are ruining my life".
> 
> ...


I just wanted to jump in here and thank you for sharing your experience. My situation is still in the early stages, papers filed and waiting on the court. As it stands now, he will certainly have to pay me and that, just like in your situation, will be bringing on the "pity me and/or your fault" game. I see it coming.

He cheated on me, several times with multiple women. He got caught. The marriage is over. He thought (on the advise of the OW) that he could financially just cut me loose. I filed for Alimony. From your story, I am seeing that I will probably be hearing the same lines from my spouse as you have from yours.

These sort of men have not considered the consequences of their actions. Narcissists. It's "all about them". Nevermind that you are hurting. Or I am hurting. Or that wives of cheating spouses are hurting, and the OW doesn't care one bit about how we feel. It's all about them.

I suppose if words of advise are necessary, know that you are doing the right thing. You are not alone. He made his bed and is now lying in it and you are no longer responsible for how he feels. It works for me...lol


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Unsure~

Just to be clear, is this a marital SETTLEMENT agreement? Or a marital SEPARATION agreement? I'm hoping it is the former (a settlement agreement for a simplified divorce). If it is, file it with his signature on it post haste! Once that is filed in court and is legally and completely done, you can block his phone number and texts on your phone, change your phone number, block his emails etc. and you don't have to even listen to or read his whining anymore. 

Any monetary b.s. can go through the courts...so get set up for him to pay child support and/or alimony via courts so that THEY go after him if he doesn't pay (not you). And any scheduling for the children can just abide by the MSA with no exceptions. Period. Either do the agreement or law enforcement will come after you with the full force of the courts. 

If you don't answer his calls, don't read his texts or respond and don't read his emails or respond, eventually he will stop contacting you and trying to manipulate you, and you'll be FREE!! And yep, purposely set it up so that the bad guy, enforcing the consequences is "the courts" "the judge" or "society"...otherwise he'll be saying it's just you being selfish for forever.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Unsure, IMO and having dealt with a spouse who has major depression, blaming you is purely a defense mechanism so that he doesn't have to deal with the world. My STBXH was fired from a job for yelling at customers and hasn't worked in the three years since. He has not looked or applied for a single position. But to hear him talk, he is a victim of corporate downsizing. Therefore the unemployment is not his fault. He maintains I've turned the children against him and that they don't respect him. But really, seeing your father sit around all day watching TV and FB, and then discovering his multiple affairs caused the lack of respect. These kind of people don't see/acknowledge that their actions have consequences. Its not someone else doing this to them. Its them. We see it clear as day.
Didn't you mention your STBX was depressed? Is he in treatment. Not that it will necessarily help, cause it didn't make much of a difference in my life. But maybe ..
I'm glad for you he signed the papers.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If you want to get him to sign the papers have him arrested on a trumped up spousal abuse charge and land his a*s in jail. It worked for my ex and she was the cheater. Spousal abuse is a charge that HE has to prove didn't happen since the system always assumes that he's the culprit whether there's any evidence or not.
I wouldn't be counting on any alimony or child support if he loses his job, however.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

The blame shifting is ridiculous. Do they ever wake up and realize that they did it to themselves?

He told me that he will be at my attorney's office next week to sign his soul away.

Amazing.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

hookares said:


> If you want to get him to sign the papers have him arrested on a trumped up spousal abuse charge and land his a*s in jail. It worked for my ex and she was the cheater. Spousal abuse is a charge that HE has to prove didn't happen since the system always assumes that he's the culprit whether there's any evidence or not.
> I wouldn't be counting on any alimony or child support if he loses his job, however.


While I'm glad for you that the papers were signed, this was not a prudent move on your part. Having someone arrested on trumped up charges is wrong, and often illegal. It can always come back to bite you in the a*s. Please tell me your attorney did not advise this course of action.
And understand, as a BS, I have no sympathy whatsoever for a cheater.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Unsure2621 said:


> This morning he informed me that he is running out of stuff to sell.
> 
> He expects sympathy. I have none left.
> 
> He certainly needs some holy water thrown on him. Wowza.


:lol::lol: I'm not laughing at you mama. I am in stitches over your husband's audacity. He put himself in this position and he expects you to feel bad for him??!


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Pluto that wasn't my post that was Hook's post.

That isn't my style. I am playing by the rules. I don't even have to do anything at this point he really is doing it all to himself...and then of course smacking me with the blame. 

He just told me that he won't eat until Friday - and that's after he gets his account fixed from the overdrafts. And still being at poverty level with this woman is better than being married to me. Yikes. I must have been truly freaking miserable to be with!!

I have noticed that every time I remind him that he committed adultery and he needs to place some blame on her he gets really pissed off. He just keeps telling me that I don't know how it happened and it didn't happen how I think. But he gets really pissed off when I recount my version of facts and says "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I hope you find happiness". He still has no remorse for any of it. If it was me I would have my head hung in shame anywhere I went.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Pluto he isn't being treated for depression but I actually think he needs to be treated for depression and anxiety. I honestly think in the long run that he is going to find that his misery was more about his own issues than mine.

He has an alcohol problem in a big way. I think he has drank away his mental healthy issues over the years. And I don't think he developed very good coping skills.

I actually suffer from depression and I am being treated. It makes a world of difference. But I would say these issues of mine probably hurt our marriage early on before I got treatment. But I am not an extremely depressed person. My depression isn't really severe.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Pluto2 said:


> While I'm glad for you that the papers were signed, this was not a prudent move on your part. Having someone arrested on trumped up charges is wrong, and often illegal. It can always come back to bite you in the a*s. Please tell me your attorney did not advise this course of action.
> And understand, as a BS, I have no sympathy whatsoever for a cheater.



You need to spruce up your comprehension skills. I was the betrayed spouse who's cheating wHO*e had arrested. It wouldn't surprise me if her attorney along with the judge advised to do it since they both had a turn with her. Not even sure about MY attorney.:lol:


----------



## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Unsure2621 said:


> I have noticed that every time I remind him that he committed adultery and he needs to place some blame on her he gets really pissed off.


Sure; you keep intruding in on his little fantasy world with cold, hard reality.

You big meanie, you.


----------



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Whoa Hook! She cheated and then had you arrested on false pretenses? Now that is lower than low. Sorry you had to deal with that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

