# what to do when your partner doesnt want a partner?Do I leave or stick it out?



## onesidedparter (Sep 27, 2016)

My husband had been acting strange,not reciprocating romantically or wanting to even sit close to me. He finally sat me down and explained that he had been feeling guilty because he has changed and doesn't want the life that we had talked about for many years. He doesn't want children and he thinks that if we were married I would be happier and would have found a carrier or passion. I tried to rebuttal by saying that we haven't discussed what we wanted after being married for the last couple years and maybe we need to re-visit the idea of a family because I'm also not in a place where that's what I want. He refuses to believe that its true and thinks I am lying to tell him what he wants to hear. He also doesn't feel romantic towards me because he looks at it as leading me on,I'm still not sure why he feels that way. He said he doesn't want a wife he says that the idea of having someone wait around for him to finish school and figure out what he wants to do is to much pressure. He doesn't want me to be waiting around and not do anything for myself. This is not the kind of person that I am. We have always an open relationship, one where we have had long distance and been great or lived together and also been great. We know that the other might need to travel and we have to be apart. I have never been the jealous type, we always have our own friends and respect that time. He is in grad school and we have always understood how to give each other space. it is shocking that all of a sudden he feels that I am some sort of 1950s house wife wanna-be that needs him to provide for me. We have always been a solid couple, we have been best friends and lovers for years. I knew that being married was challenging but what do you do when your partner decides not to be a partner anymore. He stopped wearing his ring and wont act as though he has feeling towards me. He acted similar when we dated in high school,he broke up with me. After a few years we found each other again and he tried to court me for about a year until I finally agreed to date again. I had many reservations because of our history but we both knew it was meant to be, we had both been figuring out who we were completely separated and once again found each other like fate. So now I am trying to find a passion and trying to do some traveling to give him some space. I have been doing everything he has asked, not being romantic(no saying I love you,no touching,no ring,no couple stuff). I have started looking for places to stay long term. I am not sure if this is the right choice however. I don't know what the repercussions will be for me leaving, should I stay and fight for us or give him exactly what he says he wants?


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

All your good times are in the past.

He wants out. Give it to him.

Doesn't mean you have to just conveniently get out of his life, why should you be the one to look for a place? He can find the door on his own. Also if you've accummulated any assets make sure you get your fair share along with support. It's not your fault he doesn't want to keep his part of your agreement, now he's gotta pay for it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

I'm confused by what you wrote? Are you married or just living together?

Do you have a job? If so, what percentage of your joint income do you bring in? I'm asking because you mention the 1950's house wife thing. I'm trying to figure out how that might apply to you.

Do you have things you want to do that you are putting on hold while he's in school?

You need to believe his actions over his words. If both match, then that's a strong indicator of where is mind and hear are at.

It sounds like his actions and words match. So it sounds like he's done with the relationship. Why doesn't he just leave if that's how he feels. Have you asked him that?


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I'm confused by what you wrote? Are you married or just living together?


They're married. Like most people, he thought she'd be happier once married and go out and find a job and a passion but she apparently did change as he mistakenly thought she would. He learned the hard way that marriage isn't a solution to a problem, it just makes existing problems worse.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I say move out and move on, neither of you are happy and he is not wanting to stay in the marriage.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why would you want to be with someone who has TOLD you they don't want to be with you??

I just do NOT understand that way of thinking at ALL.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If HE wants out, why would YOU leave?? 

Sounds to me like he has a girlfriend...


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

The good news is that you don't have children, so there is no reason to stay with him.

It really doesn't matter why he is this way, just that he is this way.

Divorce should be simple and easy. That's what I would recommend.


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## darkheavy (Jun 7, 2016)

From what I can see, I would say to cut your losses and move on. It takes two to tango, and you can't dance alone.

Have you tried counseling or therapy together?


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