# Turn off



## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

What turn you off when your mate is trying to turn you on?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Huh. Well, as a female, any turnoff I experience is probably something that happened between us earlier in the day...

But if you are looking for bedroom specifics, I cannot stand tickling and I cannot stand hairpulling, even inadvertent hairpulling. But I do let my partner know about these dealbreakers.

I sense you have a more specific question, so why don't you ask it?


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

I get turned off when my husband squeeze my nipples, i told him about it and he got quite.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Quite what?

anyway, yeah, that's a difficult one, as that's a very big turnon for men. But you did tell him about it, so yay you.

Now...I have some experience in this area, so I have to ask you, why? Have you thought about that? Was there an unpleasant experience in your past that is rekindled by that touch? If so, you may wish to get some counseling.

If it's just straight pain, then perhaps he is being too rough and you can coach him on a lighter touch.

Good luck!


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

When he wants me to talk dirty. I sometimes do it because it turns him on...but it turns me off and I also feel like an as*.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Huh, Liv. Why, do you think, is that?

I mean it's none of my business, I'm just curious.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

nothing!


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

it don't hurt it just get annoying after a while. I like back rubs and he don't think that's sexy.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, what does he think is sexy? Are you doing that?

Every couple engages in a little give and take. So if you're doing all the giving, that's a problem -- but the converse is also true.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

After 23 years we've worked through a lot of things that turned each of us off and have tried to learn (and are continuing to learn because we keep changing ) those things that instead turned each other on.

For me, the turn-offs were related more to what happened outside the bedroom and disregard for certain stated preferences when we were in the bedroom. Turns out those were generally the same things that turned him off, even though the specifics may have been different for each of us.

Do you feel like your husband is totally disregarding what your preferences are? Have you verbalized those preferences, or otherwise let him know that some things feel better than others?

Do you listen to what it is he prefers - and not how he prefers to touch you, but how he wants you to touch him?

I think one of the things it can be hard for people to wrap their minds around is that you have to learn how to touch your partner in the way that they need to be touched, not necessarily in the way that you may want to touch them. For my H, this meant he had to learn to touch me in a lot less rough manner (although we do occasionally indulge in some of that, sometimes I just can't handle it), and for me it meant the opposite - he likes to be touched and 'man-handled' (or 'woman-handled') by me which is something I have had to work on. 

Do you think you and your husband can work on this together?


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Turn off for wife is definitely "tickle". Sometimes she will want her neck kissed but as soon as her mind feels its "ticklish" she wants me to stop immediately. She hates being tickled.

Turn off for me WAS (hasn't happened in the last year) when I waited all night for her to finish her movie and do whatever it is she wanted to do before she gave me maybe 15 minutes of her time, I'd ask her if we can have some time. She starts walking around the room and picking up a kids toy, takes off her shirt and folds it, then takes a glass to the kitchen. It's like she wants to clean the entire house and do something she really doesn't enjoy at all, before she does something she enjoys even less...... ME. 

That has changed.



livnlearn said:


> When he wants me to talk dirty. I sometimes do it because it turns him on...but it turns me off and I also feel like an as*.


I can no longer even get turned on if my wife is quiet and not talking to me. I have to have mental stimulation the entire time. We are all different, but talking dirty is super hot. Sometimes good dirty talk can get me off a lot quicker than anything physical ever could.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Aristotle -- H's ex demanded absolute silence, from him. And she was absolutely silent. For 24 years. *@$%^!?

This just struck me as batsh*t crazy, still does. Anyway, he's very happy now and finally vocal -- it took him months to relax enough to be vocal. I think it's a really important part of the shared sexual experience, although I realize that might just be my opinion.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

lamaga, I met my wife young, so I was the same way. So was she. She told me before we ever got married, if you cum, I want to HEAR IT LOUD. I felt dumb as hell, but that is what started me being vocal. From there, I slowly progressed into talking throughout the session but she would just listen and agree. She would moan some, but I wanted more. I told her I want to hear her, I want to hear her voice with each thrust, I want to know I have a woman under me that feels all of my movements. She eventually broke out of her shell and would scream. Then we cover each others faces with pillows and have a bit of fun over doing it. Maybe 7 years in our marriage, I began asking her to talk. I would literally have to say, "talk...." I am POSITIVE that was a turnoff for her, but it was either she grew into a sexual woman that knew how to take care of me in the bedroom or she stayed quiet and I didn't say "talk". It took a long time, but at this point in our marriage, we can both talk back and forth the entire session, non stop. WE say things we would never say in our normal life and break all rules with what we say. I need this, she now loves this. She could never have sex with me and not talk. She is very good at it and it is what took sex with her over the top.

I can see why it could be a turn off now though. For a while my wife was as well I assume, as she adjusted and learned to talk more. I mean, I would say talk and she would say "yea f0ck me" and stop for like a minute. I would say, talk baby. I am sure it was super annoying, but I could tell she wasn't comfortable or letting all her inhibitions go in the bedroom. Now, they are gone, but we both had to work on it. 

After anal became a norm, the talk and moans are beyond what I ever thought sex would be like. I believe every moan, the pressure, the talk is intense and different. Too much info I know. I'll stop.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Aristotle that's awesome you listen to the moans, etc. My husband doesn't seem to do that. I have been in the process of getting him to talk to me, to make some sort of noises anyway, lol. Slowly but surely we're getting there.

This is really dumb, by sometimes my husband will go down on me with gum in his mouth... yes, it's a total turn off. I don't want to be wondering where the gum is later... And any loud sucking noises, especially on my breasts turns me off.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Riven, what?WHAT???

I think you've seen me enough around these forums to know that I'm not particularly judgmental, but GUM IN HIS MOUTH?

Boot his sorry ass out of bed! There is no excuse for that!


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

Yea, it came to an end really fast.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

When he won't say anything during sex or make noise it's a turn off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Riven said:


> Aristotle that's awesome you listen to the moans, etc. My husband doesn't seem to do that. I have been in the process of getting him to talk to me, to make some sort of noises anyway, lol. Slowly but surely we're getting there.
> 
> This is really dumb, by sometimes my husband will go down on me with gum in his mouth... yes, it's a total turn off. I don't want to be wondering where the gum is later... And any loud sucking noises, especially on my breasts turns me off.


 WTH is wrong with your H? Gum in his mouth???? Have you talked to him about this??!!!!

turnoffs for me, totally tickling, unless we are wrestle/tickling... weird I know... but if we are being nice and then he tickles, it's over. tickling is tied to being a kid for me and something my dad used to do, not something my husband should do when he is in the midst of trying to turn me on... also like others said, the games my own mind plays can be a turn off, do I look good enough in what I put on? Is he enjoying it, etc? Sudden movement and change of position can also make me lose my build up (female) and that can take a few to get back, although DH doesn't seem to have that problem


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

going on about how tired she is, how she's been on her feet all day, she has to get up early...

tonight she really laid it on, before and after. it's like, yeah, I get it. just please relax and enjoy yourself for a few minutes? I can't think of a better way than to just do it like monkeys before you go to sleep. You'll still get to go to sleep!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Pretty much nothing turns me off ...if it is sexual... I wasted too many years taking this "bed of roses" part of our marraige for granted...too much into our kids.... now that I am clued in.... this allure for all things emotionally connected & sexually tied.... won't let me go.... So long as I feel he WANTS me....it is ON & it is going to be goooood. 

The only thing that turns my husband off is ....if I get in a fowl mood.... he wants me happy, feisty, seductive and into him -loving him is #1 ...he needs to feel loved to be aroused -working up to those fireworks.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

CHEWING GUM!!!???? I think I was just a little bit sick in my mouth ha ha

there's very little that turns me off to be honest - I'm fine with hair pulling, etc. tickling can be very erotic if done with a toy BUT not on the soles of my feet please!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Riven said:


> sometimes my husband will go down on me with gum in his mouth...


so he can taste you all day long
duh


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> not on the soles of my feet please!


:/


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

I'm with Aristotle.....The 'wink' and a hint that its my lucky night followed by 'I'll be along in 5 minutes'.....and an hour later you are still waiting because suddenly what is on TV is more important than you....
M E G A T U R N O F F......infact its not just a turn off there and then, it goes alot deeper than that because it makes you feel unwanted, unloved, under valued....and leads to you having a 'well fvck you then' attitude.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Wife not being interested during sex (typically after she's done with her climaxes)... big turn off. Even when she tries feign interest, body language speaks volumes.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Me being on top. Total turn off. I feel nothing and I just hate it. lol. I do it though, sometimes, because i know he likes it, but nothing dries me up faster than being on top.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> so he can taste you all day long
> duh


shut your mouth!


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