# Has anyone had a similar experience with birth control?



## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Get a vasectomy.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> Also, is it a pretty normal thing for women to gain lots of weight and be desensitized from taking BC?
> 
> I wish they'd come out with that damn male BC already, I'd try it in a heartbeat. It's been in testing since I met my lady (I know because I looked  ).


Yes, weight gain is common but I've never heard of being desensitized. 

I would love to see the male birth control pill too. The options for women suck. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Get a vasectomy.


Or suggest a non-hormonal IUD, if you may want kids eventually.


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## Cljb (Mar 17, 2016)

I have stopped and re-started hormonal birth control 3 times in 15 years (two kids, and then other health complications). Each time I start taking it, over the course of about 10 months, I gain 30-40 lbs. Then it would plateau there and I'd stay in that range for however long I was on BC. the first two times I stopped taking it were because we were trying to conceive, and I got pregnant quickly so I didn't lose a ton of weight after, before growing a baby. The last time, though, when I stopped the pill because I got sick, I lost the 40 lbs very quickly. Each and every time I was on BC I also noticed "desensitization" in my vagina AND clitoris. I was also more dry and sex was more uncomfortable. I also got a lot more facial acne and had crazy mood swings, as well as severely decreased libido and tender breasts. This was true for both a hormonal IUD (which ended up embedding itself in my uterine wall and needing to be surgically extracted) as well as the birth control pill. Just wanted to chime in, that the side effects you're talking about happened to me for sure. I felt like I was trapped in a body I didn't identify with.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Learn her cycle, and avoid sex in the 48-96 hours around her ovulation window.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

Hormonal birth control causes a lot of side effects in women, one major one being weight gain and another one being loss of mood for sex. That is probably what your wife means by saying she is "desensitized". She is probably not in the mood for sex. I always joked with my husband that THAT is really how birth control pills, etc. work - by destroying the sex drive and making you feel fat and worthless.

She can try switching brands if she is on the pill, or she can try the one that goes in your arm. It is still hormonal but sometimes different avenues produce different results. Switching to a different brand may also help because the formula is a little different in each one. 

Otherwise she can get copper IUD but it comes with its own risks.

Just so you know as I've seen it recommended here, I got pregnant with my son using the "rhythm" method (avoiding ovulation), and I have a very regular cycle. It's not really a safe method to use if having a baby would be a crisis. We only use it because an "oops" wouldn't be the end of the world for us.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to think about what birth control does. 

It tricks the body into thinking it's pregnant. 

While sometimes women can find they actually want sex more while pregnant (hormone fluctuations, etc), nature is tricked to think think you're already there, so the body will change in many ways to focus on preparing for a baby. Desensitization happened for me, too. I took Depo a long, long time ago for flow regulation treatment. I just couldn't orgasm the same, or as frequently, and it took a lot more work for my then fiance to get me aroused. I gained about 20 lbs. It was actually frustrating at a younger age where I really wanted more frequent sex with my partner.


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## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

I found very similar side effects with the pill. I had low drive and gained weight. I did not realise this at the time, but once I came off it I noticed the difference. Never again did I went back on the pill.
Another here who would caution the period cycle checking method. Husband and I thought we were in the safe period at the time turns out we were not :grin2:


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So evidently her mistake was ever letting you not use condoms. 

Also, given your other thread, she has this possibly very serious medical condition (did you address this yet?), you aren't married after 10 + years and don't seem sure about the relationship and now you are playing the no condom no BC pull-out game? Brave man.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> Yes, there are a few other factors going into why we probably don't have sex very often, but the stoppage of birth control was a gigantic turn around point for me. I literally dropped off the sex-map when she stopped BC. Has anyone else experienced this sudden lack of a desire for sex because their woman stopped taking birth control? Also, is it a pretty normal thing for women to gain lots of weight and be desensitized from taking BC?
> 
> I wish they'd come out with that damn male BC already, I'd try it in a heartbeat. It's been in testing since I met my lady (I know because I looked  ).


My wife had some health complications for which she had to stop BC once. I took this as an opportunity to relive my teenage years of sexual experiences in which the fear of getting your girl pregnant can actually add to your pleasure instead of taking away from it. It is all about perspective. Odds are if you explain this idea to your wife, she will be game to help make it a fun experience for you as well. 

As for male BC, yes that is a rather frustrating topic that I once researched as well. 

If you have to temporarily use condoms in the interim, I strongly suggest you look into brands made for non-US populations. It is as if the US popultaion tends to prefer to be overprotective and that drastically impacts the enjoyment you can get with a condom. So do some research!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Yes, weight gain is common but I've never heard of being desensitized.
> 
> I would love to see the male birth control pill too. The options for women suck.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


For me it was not desensitization. But pure hormonal b!tchy onslaught. OR depression. Or both.


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## vel (Aug 27, 2016)

Non-hormonal IUD!!! I can't recommend it enough. I got one a few years ago and it is THE BEST. I never worry about getting pregnant, and don't have to deal with messy uncomfortable condoms. Just put it in and boop, nothing to worry about for the next 5-10 years.

However, do NOT get a vasectomy unless you do all the research. It can leave a significant percentage of men with lasting chronic pain (in that region!), and most doctors won't even tell you! I can't even imagine how sucky that'd be.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> But pure hormonal b!tchy onslaught. OR depression. Or both.


Yes! There was this particular brand that I took that made me feel like a monster! When I didn't feel like a monster, I was crying for no reason (although it was probably because I felt like a monster).👹

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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

vel said:


> Non-hormonal IUD!!! I can't recommend it enough. I got one a few years ago and it is THE BEST. I never worry about getting pregnant, and don't have to deal with messy uncomfortable condoms. Just put it in and boop, nothing to worry about for the next 5-10 years.
> 
> However, do NOT get a vasectomy unless you do all the research. It can leave a significant percentage of men with lasting chronic pain (in that region!), and most doctors won't even tell you! I can't even imagine how sucky that'd be.


Any posters on here that have had a vasectomy and can share their thoughts on it? 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Any posters on here that have had a vasectomy and can share their thoughts on it?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Husband, three brothers and a brother in-law all had no problem. Ex had BIG problems. I do believe that he made them worse by being a hypochondriac. But the issues were real. He did finally recover. But his internet research (which fed his hypochondria) showed anecdotal evidence from many men who experience this. Doc's apparently do not highlight this risk during the appointments leading up to the surgery.


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

Regarding my other thread, yes this has been addressed, we've talked about it several times, and we've got a doctor's appointment scheduled. I got her signed up on my health insurance policy and we're going to get this situation figured out. She's come to terms with the fact that she most likely has EDS and it could potentially be to blame for almost all of the items I brought up in that thread. I don't want you to think I ignored any of the advice I received in that thread, both regarding EDS and the relationship issues. 

She thinks that maybe she "falls short" of a lot of the expectations of what an average 27 year old woman should be because of the fact that EDS simply makes going through the motions of a normal day absolutely wipe her out, so she's got no mental or physical energy to figure these things out, which makes sense to me and makes me feel a bit guilty about giving her a hard time about it. We've had quite a few serious conversations about my gripes with our relationship, whether they're due to EDS or not, and I definitely feel like we've made some headway. It would be hard to type out all the things we discussed and what we arrived at, so you'll have to just take my word on that.

One of those things I had a problem with is that she just doesn't seem to know how to turn me on and doesn't get creative in that area at all, and I was wondering if that is partially to blame for why I just don't seem compelled to have sex with her very often. Another thing I thought of is this topic of stopping BC, because that was a clear turning point in my sexual desire for her. I thought that maybe when she was on BC, I was just blinded by how much fun I was having being able to fulfill my little sexual fantasies, and then when she stopped I came to a realization that she simply could not turn me on otherwise. We had a lovely date night on Friday where she actually surprised me (!!!) with tickets to a show, and we had a fancy dinner and a looonnngggg discussion about all this stuff. By the time we got home I wanted so badly to top it off with some good therapeutic love-making because I honestly felt like we turned a page that evening, but something was just there blocking it, I just couldn't get in the mood. Then, a few nights later, I got surprise free tickets to see a band that she loves, and took her to the show. We had a wonderful time together, got a bit tipsy, and again I thought for sure we would get into something, but this time I wanted to allow her to initiate because we just got done talking about being more creative in bed. Just as I expected, she started making the same boring moves on me, and I kind of hit a wall of frustration and in a slightly drunken rudeness (which I do regret), I just told her she needs to "get better at this", and I shut down. I feel bad about being short and so blunt, I know it made her feel upset but she said she took it constructively and it sparked another conversation. To me, this is worth trying to figure out with her. She is worth it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You told her she needs to get better at the way she initiates? Wow!!!!


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

OMG, your wife initiates sex, tries something that she hopes you will like, and you rudely shoot her down?!?! Dude, good luck getting her to be vulnerable and go outside her comfort zone ever again. when she does what you like, always respond "yes, and". That is great, and doing ____ would be ever hotter!


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

I don't think you guys read what I said. I said she was trying the same old boring things, it wasn't outside her box at all. We had literally just got done talking about trying new things and being creative, and she went on to try the same methods as usual. Trust me, as messed up as it sounds (again, text makes everything seem worse), it wasn't that big of a deal and it sparked a constructive conversation between us. With the state of things at this very moment, my response to her was not shocking or unexpected. Yes, I agreed it was a bit brash, but it wasn't as much of a tearing-down as it may seem. Her and I have a unique dynamic, and this is part of why I see her as worth it to work this out instead of just giving up like most people on this forum like to suggest.

I'm only human, guys. I'm trying every angle that I can to figure out this stuff with her. I've tried being nice, I've tried being sweet, I've tried being brash, I've tried being blunt, I've tried being passive, at least I'm trying.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

vel said:


> Non-hormonal IUD!!! I can't recommend it enough. I got one a few years ago and it is THE BEST. I never worry about getting pregnant, and don't have to deal with messy uncomfortable condoms. Just put it in and boop, nothing to worry about for the next 5-10 years.


^^^^^^ This!!!!!!!! I think it is basically a piece of copper that is otherwise inert. I believe it is the most widely used IUD. My wife had a hormone one put in after our second child was born. She didn't really discuss the details with me because she considers it to be her domain. Anyway, she ended up with Mirena and the nightmare began... I swear that piece of garbage contributed to ruining our marriage. When she got it out after over 2 years of suffering, I suggested asking the GYN about the copper IUD. I had done my research and realized there was a better choice. But, I think she ignored me (not my domain) and went back on pills. Then we continued to struggle with that for years. Now she is on one that has very low progesterone and seems better. 

But, my point is... if your wife is having problems that are the typical hormone related symptoms and she is better using nothing and you using a condom, then the copper IUD should be at the top of your list!!!


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

Holdingontoit said:


> when she does what you like, always respond "yes, and". That is great, and doing ____ would be ever hotter!


I've done exactly this, the problem is that she doesn't retain the information. She doesn't learn, and that's my frustration. It's been a thing for so long and like I said I've tried so many different angles that there's nothing left to happen but let my frustrations start to boil over and spill out. I'm only human!! Yes, I understand why so many people might think "well, if you're tried everything, why are you still together?" but that's because you don't know us personally, you don't know all the facts, and after being together for 10 years, some things are simply worth giving a little extra effort towards fixing. If you can't understand that, you're not human.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

My girl has an IUD and works great for us. I come in her every time 

I do want to get a vasectomy later on if we get married, just so there is 100% no doubt and she doesn't have to keep replacing the IUD.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> the stoppage of birth control was a gigantic turn around point for me. I literally dropped off the sex-map when she stopped BC. Has anyone else experienced this sudden lack of a desire for sex...


Look you are probably going to get a great deal of criticism for being a male with a lack of desire while in the meantime you have a wife with a healthy libido. 

@EleGirl recently started a thread that wives in similar situations are often devastated and that topics of this nature often go undiscussed because males are thought to always be ready for sex. But do not feel alone, there are many some females here that are in the exact same situation as your wife. The thing is that men with very low desire are often reluctant to discuss the problems or find the motivation to try and learn enough about their situation in order to try and improve it. 

In most situations for a wife to know that you care about these things is huge. Although your issues seemed focused primarily on your own pleasure, which is healthy, perhaps learning new ways to please your wife and building the confidence in yourself to be the one to try new things might be helpful. 

Be patient, and do not let harsh criticism bother you too much, especially from men with very active libidos currently in a sex-starved marriage. Some of that advice may be helpful, but most will be a reflection of their judgement towards you along with their own personal frustrations to even be able to get their own wives interested in sex more than once every few months. 

Sincerely, 
Badsanta


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

badsanta said:


> Look you are probably going to get a great deal of criticism for being a male with a lack of desire while in the meantime you have a wife with a healthy libido.
> 
> @EleGirl recently started a thread that wives in similar situations are often devastated and that topics of this nature often go undiscussed because males are thought to always be ready for sex. But do not feel alone, there are many some females here that are in the exact same situation as your wife. The thing is that men with very low desire are often reluctant to discuss the problems or find the motivation to try and learn enough about their situation in order to try and improve it.
> 
> ...


Thanks for that. I'm not sure I'd say she has a healthy libido. She often is just too tired, too stressed out or just plain doesn't feel good. It's not that she actually turns me down though, it just seems like it would be pointless. I feel like I'd be humping a limp noodle, and any effort she puts into it I would know that it's not 100% pure because she'd rather be sleeping. She wants to please me, so she rarely straight up turns me down, but I can tell when she's actually into it and when she's just going through the motions, so I just usually will tell her "no, its ok, just get some sleep and well do it another time". I'm not the kind of guy who is cool with just getting off, rolling over and falling asleep. I have to have foreplay, I have to have longevity, I have to make her orgasm, otherwise it just seems pointless and I'd feel selfish. 

Neither one of us is regularly turning the other down. We don't have a typical sexless relationship. Neither one is holding out on the other. The problem is that I want sex, but I'm just not finding myself being turned on or into it, and she is just too tired to get creative and do things that get me going, and she never really tries to either. I feel like if I want sex, my only option is to just climb on top of her and do what I'm going to do, and that sounds completely lame to me, so I don't bother. I've tried communicating to her what does get me going, and it has gotten us nowhere because she doesn't learn, and is too exhausted from life in general to commit the brain power to learn and be creative.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> Neither one of us is regularly turning the other down. We don't have a typical sexless relationship. Neither one is holding out on the other. The problem is that I want sex, but I'm just not finding myself being turned on or into it, and she is just too tired to get creative and do things that get me going, and she never really tries to either. I feel like if I want sex, my only option is to just climb on top of her and do what I'm going to do, and that sounds completely lame to me, so I don't bother. I've tried communicating to her what does get me going, and it has gotten us nowhere because she doesn't learn, and is too exhausted from life in general to commit the brain power to learn and be creative.


I'd suggest that you might want to enhance your lovemaking with novelties in such ways that it makes it very easy for her to please you, and her as well. An example might be a pillow specifically designed for improving sex.

I'm always a huge advocate of slow sex or tantric sex. You might be surprised to find you can have a highly erotic experience and orgasm via motionless lovemaking. It is like an aroused snuggle but instead of a bulge in your pants, you do it with PIV using somewhat of a scissor side-by-side position or sitting together with her on top facing you. Once you obtain a heightened state of arousal with this, the sensations of feeling your penis enveloped inside your wife while you hold each other can provide way more stimulation than the friction provided by jack-hammer-style-porn thrusting. Perhaps that idea may help you as this technique is all about being relaxed together which I am sure your wife will be happy to facilitate. 

Badsanta


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@ThisIsAUserName many women are happy and content NOT to orgasm every time. If you're pinning you satisfaction on whether or not she gets an O, you are putting in way too much pressure.

Find out how SHE feels about this. And LISTEN.

Yes it's hard to believe someone would purposely avoid an O but you have to respect your W's position.

Often my W will take care of me without PIV because she gets a great deal of pleasure but for one reason or another doesn't want PIV or an O

Women often have a longer tail in their arousal cycle, and getting that worked up but being unable to sleep for an hour afterward is reason enough to pass on the O


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

Good suggestions, thanks you guys! You know, she did mention quite a long time ago how interested she was in tantric sex. Maybe I'll bring that up again. And also, the comment about ladies not always needing/wanting an O, she also has mentioned something like this but I figured it was just her being her usual completely selfless self. I think this thread really helped me. I would have tried something new last night but she had a friend over until way late so we didn't get a chance. Maybe tonight!

I have to say, her and I are turning over some kind of new leaf here. We've gotten ourselves in a terrible spiral over the past few years and we need to reverse-engineer our way out of this. We stopped having sex because of a multitude of reasons, but by stopping having sex, we perpetuate the things that stopped us from having sex in the first place, so we're even less compelled to have sex, etc, etc.. To break the cycle, we need to just reconnect sexually. We both are on board and both have a strong desire to reconnect with each other, so this could work. We're not doomed, it's just going to take a little effort on both sides. I guess there's worse problems in the world, huh? Boo frickin' hoo, I need to have sex more often, oh poor me.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

If she does have this disease you mention, will treatment increase her energy levels or is chronic exhaustion just something she will have to deal with for life?

Have you thought about writing for her? If she has a hard time retaining what turns you on it might be because she is simply too tired. I have a very hard time remembering if I am tired. However, things I write down or see written down tend to stick. If I do forget, I have a reference. Maybe try writing down what you like. Tell her to treat it like an a la carte menu and pick among them each time she wants to initiate. Add to the writing when you have new ideas or thoughts.


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> If she does have this disease you mention, will treatment increase her energy levels or is chronic exhaustion just something she will have to deal with for life?
> 
> Have you thought about writing for her? If she has a hard time retaining what turns you on it might be because she is simply too tired. I have a very hard time remembering if I am tired. However, things I write down or see written down tend to stick. If I do forget, I have a reference. Maybe try writing down what you like. Tell her to treat it like an a la carte menu and pick among them each time she wants to initiate. Add to the writing when you have new ideas or thoughts.


That's a thought, but the point was more that I want to be surprised with something unexpected. I want to feel like she is in touch with her sexual side enough to the point where she thinks about it on her own time and thinks of new things to try with me. If I made a list of things for her to choose from, it would kind of defeat the point because it still wouldn't be unexpected. I'm not saying I want to be shocked every single time, I'm just saying be more creative, that's all. Walking up to me and just grabbing my crotch does not and never has done it for me.

About the energy levels, I don't know if there really is a 'treatment' for it that relieves symptoms, I think there are simply precautions to take to avoid making things worse. Maybe with some better habits she can get better sleep and have a less exhausting lifestyle, and have more energy as a result, but I think that's all we can do.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> That's a thought, but the point was more that I want to be surprised with something unexpected. I want to feel like she is in touch with her sexual side enough to the point where she thinks about it on her own time and thinks of new things to try with me. If I made a list of things for her to choose from, it would kind of defeat the point because it still wouldn't be unexpected. I'm not saying I want to be shocked every single time, I'm just saying be more creative, that's all. Walking up to me and just grabbing my crotch does not and never has done it for me.


You just said this in your previous post:



> To break the cycle, we need to just reconnect sexually.


To reconnect sexually, you have to take a few steps back first. Reconnecting doesn't mean trying new things. Reconnecting means learning about each other all over again, learning or re-learning how to turn each other on.

Work your way up to trying new things. First, learn how to make out on the couch like teenagers. Above the waist touching only. Have fun. Be playful. Re-learn where all her erogenous zones are, and how she likes to be touched NOW rather than what you used to do. And then tell her and show her how you liked to be touched. 

What do you have against showing her? If she walks up to you and grabs your crotch, take her hand, lift her arm and put her hand your neck as you kiss her. Or move her hand to your butt if you want her to touch you there. Show her what turns you on.

Reconnecting also requires both of you to be willing to be more vulnerable with each other. Stubbornly waiting for her to magically become who you want her to be sexually is not "reconnecting."

And if you want her to feel like she is in touch with her sexual side, damn, dude, you need to bring that out in her! That part of her has been in a coma for a while, she is your wife, so you need to help her rediscover her sexual self now. Some guys would see this as a fun challenge, introducing her to new things over time, sexploration. This would be a great time for you to lead by example.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

@ThisIsAUserName

I understand you want her to surprise you, but the odds of that as things stand are low unless you guide her. You need to teach her how to crawl and walk before expecting her to run.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Any posters on here that have had a vasectomy and can share their thoughts on it?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk



Husband had one and he said there was no difference at all after. Everything felt and worked just like before. He even was ready to have sex less than a week after. 





Sent from my D2206 using Tapatalk


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

I had a hormonal iud and that messed me up. From weight gain and my emotions everywhere. I would agree it caused my desire in sex to die a little as well. There are non hormonal iuds though. That might be the best bet for the two of you. Especially if you arent ready to get a vasectomy.


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

I think my H was in a similar position. We used condoms before kids and it wasn't a problem. Then during my 3 pregnancies we could have as much unprotected sex as we wanted, and I think getting used to it made it very hard to go back to condoms. I had tried the Pill a few times in the past but it made me depressed and lowered my libido a lot.

Recently I wanted to try something again as we were both sick of condoms. I tried the regular Pill, I felt like a different person on it: lack lustre, not affectionate, no interest in sex, depressed. I still 'did it' but I had no passion or desire. When I orgasmed it was 1 tenth as good as it normally would feel (you'd think without a condom it would feel better). The doc put me on a different more expensive Pill which more closely mimics our own hormones. At first I thought it was better, I felt better mentally. But again my sex drive disappeared. It's gotten so bad that I have NO feeling down there. If my sexual desire was a fire, it had been completely doused with water. It was OUT. Every switch was OFF. I couldn't feel ANYTHING. Could not orgasm or get wet. Felt like I was broken and had something taken from me. The result of using the Pill = almost no sex for him, and when we did have sex it was not pleasurable for me and emasculating for him. So I've just gone off the Pill.

Might look into copper IUD.


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

Hey all, I wanted to revisit this. Thanks so much for all of your advice.

I've been having conversations about this with her and she agrees she misses the confidence of knowing she probably won't get pregnant from us having sex, and also misses the connection to each other we would feel when I would come inside of her. In all honesty, that's the biggest thing for us, we absolutely loved being able to do that, it brought sex to a whole new level of meaning. We find no interest in condoms, that's the opposite of what we're looking for here, but I'm really apprehensive to keep using withdrawal too. We're lucky to have not had any accidents from that, and I understand I'm playing with fire. Hormonal BC is absolutely not an option for us anymore because it flat-lined her sex drive and sensitivity, and also made her gain considerable weight. She's afraid of the idea of an IUD because she's heard horror stories of it being painful to install, having it move or slip out of place, or having her body reject it altogether. She doesn't like the idea of having a foreign object stuck inside her, blocking her up. I don't blame her, but we also have literally no other options. I'm open to the idea of Vasalgel, but that's a few years out still.

Can some of you ladies offer any first hand experiences and/or confirmation/denial of her fears? The last thing I'd want is for her to be in pain or for her to suffer some kind of mishap like it coming out of place or an infection. She does have an extremely sensitive body and probably has EDS. We used the Nuva ring a few years back, and that gave her non-stop infections and discomfort.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I've had an IUD for about 14 months now. I had been on BC pills for many years. The first time it was inserted, it was ok. Yes, it was painful but it lasted about 2-3 minutes. They would put it in when she's on her period. I've heard that it is easier for women that have had children too. So, I went back about 1 month afterwards and they did an ultrasound to check the location. It had shifted and was crooked. Therefore, she had to redo it. The 2nd time, I was in so much pain that she stopped. She didn't even get to the insertion part of it; the pain was just from measuring my cervix. I do believe that the high level of pain has something to do with other issues that were going on at the same time. 

During this whole time (started about 4-5 months earlier), I had been suffering from pelvic pain due to a cyst on my ovary. I also had endometriosis but didn't know it at the time. So, I ended up in surgery to remove the cyst. (It was just a cyst and nothing concerning, thank goodness). She discovered all of the scarring issue from the endometriosis so that was all cleaned up as well. Sorry, if this is too much information. A 1 hour surgery ended up being 3. Any how, during the surgery I had her insert the IUD. So, that's how I ended up with mine. I do not feel it at all and it's awesome. It also is apparently a good "treatment" for endo however they don't really call it that because it just slows down the disease. After the insertion, my periods were very irregular. That part was frustrating but my doctor said to give it 6 months and it'll work itself out. Patience is required! My periods gradually got more infrequent and now I really don't have much of one. My doctor says that I'm one of the lucky ones. I hope this helps.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> Hey all, I wanted to revisit this. Thanks so much for all of your advice.
> 
> I've been having conversations about this with her and she agrees she misses the confidence of knowing she probably won't get pregnant from us having sex, and also misses the connection to each other we would feel when I would come inside of her. In all honesty, that's the biggest thing for us, we absolutely loved being able to do that, it brought sex to a whole new level of meaning. We find no interest in condoms, that's the opposite of what we're looking for here, but I'm really apprehensive to keep using withdrawal too. We're lucky to have not had any accidents from that, and I understand I'm playing with fire. Hormonal BC is absolutely not an option for us anymore because it flat-lined her sex drive and sensitivity, and also made her gain considerable weight. She's afraid of the idea of an IUD because she's heard horror stories of it being painful to install, having it move or slip out of place, or having her body reject it altogether. She doesn't like the idea of having a foreign object stuck inside her, blocking her up. I don't blame her, but we also have literally no other options. I'm open to the idea of Vasalgel, but that's a few years out still.
> 
> Can some of you ladies offer any first hand experiences and/or confirmation/denial of her fears? The last thing I'd want is for her to be in pain or for her to suffer some kind of mishap like it coming out of place or an infection. She does have an extremely sensitive body and probably has EDS. We used the Nuva ring a few years back, and that gave her non-stop infections and discomfort.


I see you managed to work your agenda on her and now she suddenly 'can't stand' sex with condoms. Because in your first post, she was totally fine with condoms and was thrilled to once again begin enjoying sex once she was out from under the negative affects of the birth control she'd been on. YOU were the one whining about condoms, not her.

How very selfish of you to CONTINUALLY shirk your responsibility toward contraception out of pure selfishness and instead, keep offering up your poor girlfriend as some kind of sexual guinea pig for any birth control you can FIND that doesn't involve any sacrifice on _your_ part.

Nicely played. 

My birth control recommendation for your poor girlfriend is 100% abstinence.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Learn her cycle, and avoid sex in the 48-96 hours around her ovulation window.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





lisamaree said:


> Just so you know as I've seen it recommended here, I got pregnant with my son using the "rhythm" method (avoiding ovulation), and I have a very regular cycle. It's not really a safe method to use if having a baby would be a crisis. We only use it because an "oops" wouldn't be the end of the world for us.





Capricious said:


> Another here who would caution the period cycle checking method. Husband and I thought we were in the safe period at the time turns out we were not :grin2:





ThisIsAUserName said:


> Hey all, I wanted to revisit this. Thanks so much for all of your advice.
> 
> I've been having conversations about this with her and she agrees she misses the confidence of knowing she probably won't get pregnant from us having sex, and also misses the connection to each other we would feel when I would come inside of her. In all honesty, that's the biggest thing for us, we absolutely loved being able to do that, it brought sex to a whole new level of meaning. We find no interest in condoms, that's the opposite of what we're looking for here, but I'm really apprehensive to keep using withdrawal too. We're lucky to have not had any accidents from that, and I understand I'm playing with fire. Hormonal BC is absolutely not an option for us anymore because it flat-lined her sex drive and sensitivity, and also made her gain considerable weight. She's afraid of the idea of an IUD because she's heard horror stories of it being painful to install, having it move or slip out of place, or having her body reject it altogether. She doesn't like the idea of having a foreign object stuck inside her, blocking her up. I don't blame her, but we also have literally no other options. I'm open to the idea of Vasalgel, but that's a few years out still.
> 
> Can some of you ladies offer any first hand experiences and/or confirmation/denial of her fears? The last thing I'd want is for her to be in pain or for her to suffer some kind of mishap like it coming out of place or an infection. She does have an extremely sensitive body and probably has EDS. We used the Nuva ring a few years back, and that gave her non-stop infections and discomfort.


I've had similar unpleasant reactions to the pill and also to the mirena (hormonal IUD) that others on this thread have described (weight gain, change in orgams, etc)

There is a method, Natural Family Planning, that is widely used. Sometimes you see classes on it offered at Catholic Churches for little or no cost. We did it for a few years with good results. It's sort of like the rhythm method, but you also use a basal thermometer and track your cycle. This allows you to stay away from hormonal bc, and you only need to use condoms on unsafe days (around 1 to 1 1/2 weeks out of the month.) The longer you do it, the easier it is to track and predict your cycle and unfertile days. You may have to wear some condoms using this method, but it is a good compromise to what you both want while you consider your options (vasectomy/copper IUD ect.)

You will need a basal thermometer and this book Taking Charge of Your Fertility or a similar instructional book.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> *tropicalbeachiwish*, thank you for the info. So, the pain that occurs is actually only upon insertion? It's not sore or anything like that afterwards? That's what I figured the pain was. If it really only is a couple minutes of discomfort, that will probably be reassuring to her. Also, the fact that it moved, does that have anything to do with the other issues you said you were having at the time? When it moved, were you capable of getting pregnant during that time? Did the doctor say anything about how common it is for that to happen?
> 
> Thanks for the constructive input, all.


Yes, I was sore for a little bit but I was pretty much back to normal the next day. No, doctor thought that my cervix just contracted and caused the shift. Doctor said it probably was effective as birth control even though it wasn't exactly where it was supposed to be, but just that little bit of uncertainty made her want to redo it. If you're going to do it, do it right! I do think that I was probably pretty stressed and not very relaxed when she tried to insert in the 2nd time. I had been having pain from the cyst and that on top of the insertion just put me over the top. 

The doctor recommended that we use backup method of birth control (condoms which my husband refused) for a month after insertion. This gives the device time to get to know the body and start to do the job. No, I don't remember talking to her about how common it is for the device to move. 

I will say that if you have issues with having sex with her on her period (or vice versa), you may have a difficult time for the first 6 months or so. Very frequent and irregular periods. It ended up working out for me but I was getting pretty frustrated TBH.


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Yes, I was sore for a little bit but I was pretty much back to normal the next day. No, doctor thought that my cervix just contracted and caused the shift. Doctor said it probably was effective as birth control even though it wasn't exactly where it was supposed to be, but just that little bit of uncertainty made her want to redo it. If you're going to do it, do it right! I do think that I was probably pretty stressed and not very relaxed when she tried to insert in the 2nd time. I had been having pain from the cyst and that on top of the insertion just put me over the top.
> 
> The doctor recommended that we use backup method of birth control (condoms which my husband refused) for a month after insertion. This gives the device time to get to know the body and start to do the job. No, I don't remember talking to her about how common it is for the device to move.
> 
> I will say that if you have issues with having sex with her on her period (or vice versa), you may have a difficult time for the first 6 months or so. Very frequent and irregular periods. It ended up working out for me but I was getting pretty frustrated TBH.


Thanks for the reply! No, I have absolutely no problem with her bodily functions. She's the one that "doesn't want to gross me out" but I always reassure her that it would take a lot more than that! I'll relay this information to her and see what she thinks. If it comes down to it and she's just too apprehensive about it, then we will move on and forget about the whole thing. Vasalgel will be out in a couple years, hopefully sooner, and if that happens before she gets an IUD then I will take the torch and clog myself up instead of her 

Thanks again!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

ThisIsAUserName said:


> I'm definitely not going back to wearing condoms, no way in hell.


Ok Dad.


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## ThisIsAUserName (Sep 9, 2016)

browser said:


> Ok Dad.


You're late to the party, bud.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I see you managed to work your agenda on her and now she suddenly 'can't stand' sex with condoms. Because in your first post, she was totally fine with condoms and was thrilled to once again begin enjoying sex once she was out from under the negative affects of the birth control she'd been on. YOU were the one whining about condoms, not her.
> 
> How very selfish of you to CONTINUALLY shirk your responsibility toward contraception out of pure selfishness and instead, keep offering up your poor girlfriend as some kind of sexual guinea pig for any birth control you can FIND that doesn't involve any sacrifice on _your_ part.
> 
> ...


Just damn She'sStillGotIt, a little jaded are we? I agree with the OP, did you read the thread before posting this?


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