# How much to spend on a Wedding?!



## confused410 (Feb 2, 2010)

My fiance and I are not seeing eye to eye on how much we should be spending on our wedding 4 months before the wedding...I lost my job 6 months ago and he lost one of his jobs then too. So I am unemployed and he has one job but there just isn't enough money for they wedding that I wanted. We don't want to push it back but my fiance who wanted to put in no imput in the beginning now wants a say. We have already paid the depost of $1500 on the reception site and now he wants us to loose that site and go to a hall...I don't want that. He wants us to have the same amount of money saved for our life as what we spend on the wedding. Its a little to late for that. He also wants us to cut down the list after the shower date and invitations have went out already. You can't invite someone to the shower and not invite them to the wedding?! He also wants to go on a honeymoon directly after we get married which is ideal and I would love it too but we can't afford it. We have never really argued before...he never really wanted to get married either but he's doing it for me because that's what I have always wanted. We've been together for ten years...I want to start a family together. I'm just so confused because we can't find a happy medium because nether of us will bend...well I have bended and gave up some stuff but he says it isn't enough he wants to change the place because that will save the most money...I don't want to loose the whole dream of what I wanted my wedding day to be and I have already given up so many things I imagined and my father and grandmother both passed away in December...I don't want to give up anything else. I need suggestions on what to do because I've ran out.

Sincerely,

Confused410


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

A wedding is not a marriage - people tend to get this confused. A wedding is a party! and here is the thing...you get so wrapped up in one day that you don't focus on what's important...that 1 day is the beginning of the rest of your life together, and do you want to start your marriage fighting and in debt when you only have 1 income in the family.

My personal suggestion - call off the party for now. Get married with a justice of the peace at the courthouse so you don't have to move the date and take a weekend honeymoon to a bed and breakfast close to you. Then when you are financially on your feet have a wedding!! The one you dream of. Make an agreement to put back X dollars every month towards that goal. 

Remember its about the commitment to love, honor and cherish each other til death do you part, not about the dress, the food, the flowers, etc. Do either of you really want to start the marriage off with the selfish view "you have to do it my way!" because neither of you are going to win. Sure someone may give in, but their will be anger and resentment at the start of your marriage.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

i read your post and two things stuck out... 

1st you want your dream wedding and if you don't get it you will regret it down the road, ok cut back you don't need the napkins with name and dates or big church... you already put a deposit down if you can't get that back can you put the wedding into the party all in one... save money that way...or if you are already living together than say to friends instead of gift money woul be great... cut back the number of people, if you don't have a dress don't slurge there... or as TNgirl said hold off on the big wedding and have a small one for now with the understanding a 10 year or 20 year big blow out will follow... meeting in the middle a good start to marriage.

but 2nd thing i read was he didn't really want to get married anyway... well there you go your not on the same page to start so yeah your not going to see eye to eye... talk to him before any more money spent... honesty will save so much in the end.


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## sooner2000 (Feb 11, 2010)

momof6girls said:


> i read your post and two things stuck out...
> 
> 1st you want your dream wedding and if you don't get it you will regret it down the road, ok cut back you don't need the napkins with name and dates or big church... you already put a deposit down if you can't get that back can you put the wedding into the party all in one... save money that way...or if you are already living together than say to friends instead of gift money woul be great... cut back the number of people, if you don't have a dress don't slurge there... or as TNgirl said hold off on the big wedding and have a small one for now with the understanding a 10 year or 20 year big blow out will follow... meeting in the middle a good start to marriage.
> 
> but 2nd thing i read was he didn't really want to get married anyway... well there you go your not on the same page to start so yeah your not going to see eye to eye... talk to him before any more money spent... honesty will save so much in the end.


:iagree:


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## Sun (Nov 23, 2009)

I will say this, everyone I know that had a big expensive wedding says the same thing afterwords "I wish we would have had a smaller wedding and put that money toward - a house, new life, etc."


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

My first was The Big Fat Greek Wedding...second was small, in a chapel...I skipped the flowers, etc. ... got a beautiful white cake from a local bakery (not a fancy wedding cake) and had everyone at our house afterward...had food catered...it was by far much cheaper, less stress and I really enjoyed myself.


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## VeryShyGirl (Feb 18, 2010)

I guess I never understood spending a ton of money on a wedding... seems so superficial. Seems like when a few of my friends got married they went way overboard and acted like different people, people I didn't want to be around. I found it repulsing. I don't like going to most weddings.

I delayed getting married because I didn't want that and thought I _had_ to do it that way. After a while my fianace and I decided to throw all that BS out the window and focus on us and what WE wanted. We had a small (20 people) wedding in a beautiful location outside. It was quite the good time for all involved and there was very little "pressure" on us. We jeeped to a BEAUTIFUL location special to both of us, had a small ceremony, and then had a great party. Since we don't see our families often we took the opportunity to have a blast with them - a mountain escape getaway for a week surrounding the wedding. It cost us just a FRACTION of what most weddings do and it was unforgetable for all involved.

We celebrated our marriage later with several honeymoons, very cheap. Several backpacking trips which we'll never forget. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a great honeymoon.

May I ask why all this commercial stuff is so important to you? 

I echo the statement of momof6girls - if he isn't into the whole marriage thing and is just doing it to appease you I'd stop in your tracks and do some talking with him before making any more plans... sounds like maybe he's not agreeeable because he doesn't want it in the first place, definitely not a good note to start a marriage on!


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## CristinaEvelinRoberts (Mar 23, 2010)

he general rule of thumb is to try to estimate how much your meal will cost, or generally between $65 and $150 per person. If you brought a date, you both should contribute to a larger gift. If you simply can’t afford this much, then give the nicest gift that you can.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

I spent £5K $10 on my wedding and I think that was reasonable £1K was for flight tickets as it was in another country. But people spending £25K+ on weddings is outragious. I know a couple who spent £35-40K on a wedding 2 weeks later they got divorced.


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## MarieJaniyaNelson (Mar 29, 2010)

I actually budgeted about $70,000 for our wedding last year (paid for by us as we didn’t want anybody to pay). In the end, we decided on a romantic 16 person wedding on the beach and spent about $800 including the reception! It felt good saving $69,200


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Nice!


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## MadysonBelindaRobertson (Apr 4, 2010)

On average, US couples spend $20,398 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $15,299 and $25,498 while their wedding budget is typically 50% less than the amount spent. This does not include cost for a honeymoon or engagement ring. Understanding average wedding cost now can help you with your wedding budget later.


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## Nickitta (May 12, 2011)

A wedding is a party. Not to be confused with a marriage. The best weddings I have attended were always the small, intimate ones. They were a lot more meaningful than the huge faceless, anonymous, crowd -pleasing ones.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

The thing that stood out to me the most was where you said he really didn't want to get married.

If I were you I'd call the whole thing off and wait until he was ready to marry. This has disaster written all over it.

<<<<< spent $2K on my wedding (eloped).


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

I'm the sort of guy who really wouldn't want to spend much on a wedding.

When my sister was married, she went for something ultra, ultra simple. She was married in a nice garden with maybe 10 people present. I am not sure what the cost was, but surely less than $1000, including the reception.


I sure hope when I get married I can find a girl with the same mindset. Probably this will end up being something I'd have to compromise on, though!


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> The thing that stood out to me the most was where you said he really didn't want to get married.
> 
> If I were you I'd call the whole thing off and wait until he was ready to marry. This has disaster written all over it.
> 
> <<<<< spent $2K on my wedding (eloped).


I agree completely. You are just going to resent each other if he is getting married "for you" and not because he really wants to.

We spent roughly 4-5k on ours, all paid for by us . . it was worth it, but I could sure use that money about now! Luckily we managed to do it without going into debt, or I should say, without digging ourselves any deeper.


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

Ack, one year old thread!


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

TNgirl232 said:


> A wedding is not a marriage - people tend to get this confused. A wedding is a party! and here is the thing...you get so wrapped up in one day that you don't focus on what's important...that 1 day is the beginning of the rest of your life together, and do you want to start your marriage fighting and in debt when you only have 1 income in the family.
> 
> My personal suggestion - call off the party for now. Get married with a justice of the peace at the courthouse so you don't have to move the date and take a weekend honeymoon to a bed and breakfast close to you. Then when you are financially on your feet have a wedding!! The one you dream of. Make an agreement to put back X dollars every month towards that goal.
> 
> Remember its about the commitment to love, honor and cherish each other til death do you part, not about the dress, the food, the flowers, etc. Do either of you really want to start the marriage off with the selfish view "you have to do it my way!" because neither of you are going to win. Sure someone may give in, but their will be anger and resentment at the start of your marriage.


I agree, it isn't worth it at all...


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## AFW8 (Oct 24, 2010)

My husband and I didn't really have an all out wedding which Yes I'm not going to lie, I would have like it. We just didn't have the money for that and we decided we'd rather have a house and spend the money we did have, on something that would last for longer than just one day. I did get my wedding dress that I loved and it cost me $300. We went to a chapel with just my parents, brother and sister. He's from NC and his family couldn't make it at such short notice. I don't regret it one bit. I just never understood the point in spending so much money on something that will last a few hours. Just my opinion.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

AFW8 said:


> My husband and I didn't really have an all out wedding which Yes I'm not going to lie, I would have like it. We just didn't have the money for that and we decided we'd rather have a house and spend the money we did have, on something that would last for longer than just one day. I did get my wedding dress that I loved and it cost me $300. We went to a chapel with just my parents, brother and sister. He's from NC and his family couldn't make it at such short notice. I don't regret it one bit. I just never understood the point in spending so much money on something that will last a few hours. Just my opinion.


Your smart decision has saved you a lot of stress. 

My husband and I went to the court to get married. We didn't have much money either. I will always remember that day, it was very sweet memory. The feeling was like: Ha, I finally trapped this man! You can imagine my joy and big smiles that day. 

We had no stress after our wedding, no debt, started to build our life together step by step, now we have a sweet home and we have been having a sweet life ever since. 

Like a lot of posters said, wedding is only one day, and that one day costs a lot of money and it is a lot of stress. Yes, it is a big party, I don't know how much the groom and bride enjoy their party after all the stress they go through planning the party, I don't know how much the guests are enjoying the party since it's not their show. 

My husband believes marriage is for two people, wedding is to start the marriage, so two people start from the beginning, two people walk the journey....................................


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

Hubby and I only had a small wedding. I have a very big family but didn't invite them all as hubby has a very small limited family. We could've had a big wedding but we didn't want that. We didn't want to spend a lot of money for just one occasion. We want to have lots of savings before starting a family. My family helped on all our wedding expenses and organziations,etc so we didn't spend a lot, just a few thousands. It was small but very memorable. We travelled the next day morning for our honeymoon. We've travelled to 2 countries which were memorable too. My dad's friend's daughter got married 2 yrs ago and her family and the groom's family spent 50k for their big wedding but they're divorced now . Another friend of a family's daughter spent a lot of money of their wedding but they are now separated as coming to find out that her hubby is abusive to her. Anyways I knew some people in my family too that spent a lot of money on their wedding too and they're still tog. It's a big event but I did't need a big wedding to celebrate it as I don't like flashy show off stuff like I'm the celebrity. I did feel very special like a princess though.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Well this is obviously going to depend on what you and him want, and how much you can afford.
I understand some people saying not to spend any money etc.. but in reality if someone has the money they can do whatever they want- and if they have money in savings also.

Taking out a 50k loan for a wedding is crazy!

There are going to be a lot of arguments. You and him need to sit down realistically and see how much you can afford, and make some tough choices and compromises.

For example, if you want a dress for $2000, and he wants you to spend $500, chose a compromise of $750 etc.

You can also have a small wedding done at City Hall, and move the big party a year ahead, some places will let you keep your deposit, so give them a call.
I had an unexpected illness right as we were planning ours, we married at City Hall (great breakfast, small honeymoon for the weekend), then called the location and had it moved one year, that way we could save more and plan while I wasn't ill.

Eventually I paid around $14000.

You mean he just is one of those people who thinks a marriage is just a piece of paper? Once again compromise.. if may not mean that much to him because he loves you anyway, but he has to take your dreams into account.


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