# Help I feel stuck and confused



## mairee (Sep 28, 2017)

I married my husband at 19 he was 27. After about a week of being married I find out from him that he was a serial cheater before marriage. For weeks I contimplated wheather or not I should leave but of course I stayed. Now here I am 24 with 2 kids and miserable.

Let me start by saying my husband isn't s bad man he's just ok. He doesn't make me feel special what so ever! For Christmas I got nothing of course he got a present from me. I give blow jobs about 3/4 times a week we always have sex I'm up at 5 a.m making him a breakfast daily before he goes to work and it's not enough. I have a book of prayers that I would write daily just for him because I reallly do love him he's the only man I know(yes he took my virginity).From the serial cheating when we where dating to know being in a marriage where I'm giving ALL of me I don't know how much I can take. 

We have two kids and live in a one bedroom because my husband wanted to buy a 2013 camaro. When I talk about moving I'm nagging and unappreciative. The list goes on. I'm just really really tired of giving all of me to someone who really doesn't care about me and probably. never has. I'm tired of nagging to him he just walks away and says I'm not talking about anything. Sometime I contemplate having a affair for money and someone to make me feel special.....

I don't what I should do I really feel heart broken I want this to work but I can't make him be the man I need


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

mairee said:


> I married my husband at 19 he was 27. After about a week of being married I find out from him that he was a serial cheater before marriage. For weeks I contimplated wheather or not I should leave but of course I stayed. Now here I am 24 with 2 kids and miserable.
> 
> Let me start by saying my husband isn't s bad man he's just ok. He doesn't make me feel special what so ever! For Christmas I got nothing of course he got a present from me. I give blow jobs about 3/4 times a week we always have sex I'm up at 5 a.m making him a breakfast daily before he goes to work and it's not enough. I have a book of prayers that I would write daily just for him because I reallly do love him he's the only man I know(yes he took my virginity).From the serial cheating when we where dating to know being in a marriage where I'm giving ALL of me I don't know how much I can take.
> 
> ...


 please run! He'll never appreciate you. Did you go to school? What do you mean by book of prayers? Does he know about it? The bjs. Are they just bjs? Does he reciprocate? Does he prefer bjs instead if sex? Do you have friends and family around? Donyou take care of yourself? Sorry for the interrogation, just trying to get a clear picture. Your post says stuck and confused. I don't believe you are confused since it sounds like you know from your gut that he'll never be who you want him to be. Please share more!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

mairee said:


> I married my husband at 19 he was 27. After about a week of being married I find out from him that he was a serial cheater before marriage. For weeks I contimplated wheather or not I should leave but of course I stayed. Now here I am 24 with 2 kids and miserable.
> 
> *Let me start by saying my husband isn't s bad man *he's just ok. He doesn't make me feel special what so ever! For Christmas I got nothing of course he got a present from me. I give blow jobs about 3/4 times a week we always have sex I'm up at 5 a.m making him a breakfast daily before he goes to work and it's not enough. I have a book of prayers that I would write daily just for him because I reallly do love him he's the only man I know(yes he took my virginity).From the serial cheating when we where dating to know being in a marriage where I'm giving ALL of me I don't know how much I can take.
> 
> ...


No wonder you're confused if you can make the bolded statement above in the middle of everything else you wrote. 

You will remain forever confused if you think that this is the behavior of an ok man.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

mairee said:


> I married my husband at 19 he was 27. After about a week of being married I find out from him that he was a serial cheater before marriage. For weeks I contimplated wheather or not I should leave but of course I stayed. Now here I am 24 with 2 kids and miserable.
> 
> Let me start by saying my husband isn't s bad man he's just ok. He doesn't make me feel special what so ever! For Christmas I got nothing of course he got a present from me. I give blow jobs about 3/4 times a week we always have sex I'm up at 5 a.m making him a breakfast daily before he goes to work and it's not enough. I have a book of prayers that I would write daily just for him because I reallly do love him he's the only man I know(yes he took my virginity).From the serial cheating when we where dating to know being in a marriage where I'm giving ALL of me I don't know how much I can take.
> 
> ...



mairee,

My heart is breaking for you right now. I’m so sorry that you are forced to shoulder the burdens of his terrible choices. His poor financial choices force you to live in a cramped space. His selfishness leaves you unfulfilled in one sided love. His inability to speak has left you isolated. And this soul crushing experience is made worse because it comes from your first love, from a man that you once looked upon with all the adoration that your youthful spirit could thrust upon another person. As much as you need change, it could possibly come in the form of losing your only love. This, coupled with what could only be described as a minor form of Stockholm syndrome, could potentially leave anyone paralyzed without a clue of what to do. 

But don’t let yourself be afraid because your husband is not as strong as you think he is. When you were married you were just entering adulthood. Your husband had the benefit of years of life experience. The life experience that you found so alluring also gave him control over your relationship, as you knew no other way to live. He chose a mate so much younger so he could love her as a possession, not as a partner. This reflects his low self esteem, not maturity. You are no longer the teenage girl that this man met so many year ago. You are a woman and the mother of his children. You are allowed to claim the respect you deserve as an adult.

Demand change - and it starts with looking at yourself. Find pride in who you are. You are raising two children under difficult circumstances. Start with taking pride in that. Find more reasons. Stand up straight and tall, shoulders back (don’t slouch in submission around him). When you talk, project your voice with some conviction (don’t whisper your acceptance). Make eye contact in his presence. You will start to find answers to your questions. Do you see love in his eyes? (Did you ever?) Does he avoid or embrace your gaze? His reactions to any self confidence you show will speak volumes as to your long term courses of action. Find any support you need. Local family? Close friends? In-town support groups? You will find strength from these groups, even if your husband tries to stifle your own. 

Confrontation to change the status quo won’t be easy, but don’t forget your pride and strength. I truly hope you find enough of both to improve your situation. You already took the first step, by reaching out to TAM. Don’t lose your momentum. Take care…

(Sorry for the long winded reply, but it seemed like you really needed a pep-talk…)


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Dooset Daram...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

mairee said:


> I married my husband at 19 he was 27. After about a week of being married I find out from him that he was a serial cheater before marriage. For weeks I contimplated wheather or not I should leave but of course I stayed. Now here I am 24 with 2 kids and miserable.
> 
> Let me start by saying my husband isn't s bad man he's just ok. He doesn't make me feel special what so ever! For Christmas I got nothing of course he got a present from me. I give blow jobs about 3/4 times a week we always have sex I'm up at 5 a.m making him a breakfast daily before he goes to work and it's not enough. I have a book of prayers that I would write daily just for him because I reallly do love him he's the only man I know(yes he took my virginity).From the serial cheating when we where dating to know being in a marriage where I'm giving ALL of me I don't know how much I can take.
> 
> ...



I am sorry but what on earth possessed you to marry a known serial cheater? You thought you could change him. You will never change him, go and see a lawyer and set yourself free, yes it may be difficult, but you are young and you will not regret it. He is giving you nothing because he doesn't have to, you do all the work though he does nothing, why would he change that, he has no motivation to, all his needs are being met. Stop with the sex and the blow jobs, tell him if he wants his needs met, he meets yours too. I suspect you do all of this to stop him from cheating. That is not a good place to be, get out.


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