# Self Appearance



## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

Curious if any of you did anything to change your appearance once you got separated?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I became more physically active and fit. I think I also bought some new clothes more suitable for dating.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My SO considers me to be a "work in progress", i think. And I'm ok with that. . She has much better taste and style than I can ever hope for. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

bubba29 said:


> Curious if any of you did anything to change your appearance once you got separated?


Lost a bit of weight and shaved my beard down to a mustache and goatee.
The ladies love it...


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Quit shaving my head and let my hair grow out.
Ditched the glasses and got contacts.
Lost 15 lbs.
Bought new clothes.
Started smiling.

Level up!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nope. I didn't. Wait, I may have colored my hair a smidge darker but nothing extravagant.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Are you divorced or separated, Bubba? I can't remember.


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## worley (Oct 22, 2013)

no. i worked on myself during the marriage.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Are you divorced or separated, Bubba? I can't remember.


i am married.....i am working on our marriage and curious about some things.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Not really. 

I've always had to watch my weight plus my ex was highly critical of that, reminding me that he didn't marry a fat person and doesn't find them attractive and would have me hop on the scale on occasion. When I was pregnant he was eying how much I gained so he measured my bicep and pointed out my arm was almost as big as his.

So although I initially dropped some weight after leaving from stress and bad food at the battered women's shelter, after a few years I kind of got to a "screw this" attitude about it. If no one is seeing me naked, why care? And I threw myself into other things and ignored my weight. I dated some and think my weight was a two-fold thing - insulation from hurt by assuming anyone who wanted to date me when I was chubby would still love me thin which was comforting vs. the ex who "loved" me thin and then didn't love me fat; and I was still healthy so didn't mind too much.

I gradually change some other things but I think this is sort of maturity and needs - when you're young you can buy cheap shampoo and trim your own bangs and it still looks pretty good. As I got older my hair texture changed some (thanks to those grey under that brown dye plus hormone changes), I had advanced in my career and was valuing quality more and needed a more polished appearance so spending money on good products, a great stylist and visits to the dermatologist (rosacia) seemed less of a splurge and more a combination of "required" and "I deserve better".

And now I'm there (mindset) with my body, too. Now it's for me that I want to look and feel great and confident. I don't expect perfection like I did in my youth so my goals are more realistic. 35 down, gym part of my routine and not in a hurry for Mr. Right.

But I didn't all of a sudden change everything about the way I looked (aside from a botched self-color job that turned it a black cherry color briefly) and I didn't suddenly take up ballroom dancing. My changes were more an organic evolution of self. Then again being single for 10 years, if I were the same I'd be stagnant.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bubba29 said:


> i am married.....i am working on our marriage and curious about some things.


Interesting. Yesterday you posted the thread about how long people waited after separating for sex. That's why I asked if you were married or not.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I finally went to a good stylist about my hair that had been falling out in handfuls and breaking off at the root during most of my 3 years of false R. We decided to just cut my hair off rather short to give it a chance to grow out. So, completely new haircut for me. It is growing in, and is healthy now, so I'm letting it get longer again. 

As it turns out, I'm a stress eater. I never knew that until after my divorce. I dropped 20 pounds without even trying because I'm no longer doing the anxiety-eating thing.

Speaking of anxiety, I'm off of the medications I took during my marriage to combat anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and rapid pulse, and migraines. I look, and actually am, much healthier overall since my divorce.

I began taking yoga twice a week, which I am loving. 

I've bought quite a few new clothes. Part of that was because I lost weight and my old ones don't fit well anymore. Part of it was because I am the president of a civic organization and am on a couple of foundation boards now, so I need more business-appropriate attire more often than in the past. Part of it is that I have less social anxiety now and finally feel confident enough to dress in things I like rather than in whatever would best allow me to fade into the background.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Not really.
> 
> I've always had to watch my weight plus my ex was highly critical of that, reminding me that he didn't marry a fat person and doesn't find them attractive and would have me hop on the scale on occasion. When I was pregnant he was eying how much I gained so he measured my bicep and pointed out my arm was almost as big as his.


What a shallow @ss!

You're beautiful.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

zillard said:


> What a shallow @ss!
> 
> You're beautiful.


Aw, thanks!


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Personally not really. I'm not vain at all, but I value my health so I've always tried to eat healthy and exercise. I'd be in the same shape even if I had been single all my life.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

I started when we were still married. Looked at myself in the mirror and said holy hell. It was around the time I found about the 1st round of her EAs. So, I started running, lost about 30 lbs., hair style, shaved more regularly, read up on fashion and bought a new wardrobe. My family was pretty stunned when I went back home during a family illness. I think the ex was too.

That was a couple of years ago now. One thing I noticed on my own. I still love being outside and running, but it's harder now. I realized it was because I didn't have the same motivation - I couldn't stand being around her, so first thing I did when I got home from work was change and head outside to run


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I gradually change some other things but I think this is sort of maturity and needs - when you're young you can buy cheap shampoo and trim your own bangs and it still looks pretty good. As I got older my hair texture changed some (thanks to those grey under that brown dye plus hormone changes), I had advanced in my career and was valuing quality more and needed a more polished appearance so spending money on good products, a great stylist and visits to the dermatologist (rosacia) seemed less of a splurge and more a combination of "required" and "I deserve better".
> 
> And now I'm there (mindset) with my body, too. Now it's for me that I want to look and feel great and confident. I don't expect perfection like I did in my youth so my goals are more realistic. 35 down, gym part of my routine and not in a hurry for Mr. Right.


This totally. Plus I was catering a long to my husband's preferences. My hair was princess long and dark because that's what he liked. My clothes were lacy, prim, proper, and dull. Once again, his preference. When I exercised he made fun of me, so I quit doing that as often. 

I take full responsibility for the choices I made to "please him" because at the end of the day it was my decision. However, I learned a big lesson: I want to find someone who accepts me for me. And however "Me" evolves over time. If it's not a forever relationship that's ok, I just want a genuine connection(s)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

long_done said:


> Personally not really. I'm not vain at all, but I value my health so I've always tried to eat healthy and exercise. I'd be in the same shape even if I had been single all my life.


Same. There was a time post-separation I was so depressed I did not hit the gym as frequently as my norm (post-separation) but I put a stop to that once I shook it off. Then I was back!

Exercise is my lifeline. That and coffee.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> This totally. Plus I was catering a long to my husband's preferences. My hair was princess long and dark because that's what he liked. My clothes were lacy, prim, proper, and dull. Once again, his preference. When I exercised he made fun of me, so I quit doing that as often.
> 
> I take full responsibility for the choices I made to "please him" because at the end of the day it was my decision. However, I learned a big lesson: I want to find someone who accepts me for me. And however "Me" evolves over time. If it's not a forever relationship that's ok, I just want a genuine connection(s)


I think you and I might have been married to the same guy. 

It really can be tough to know where the line is between loving your partner enough to want to please him, and completely abandoning yourself in your efforts to make him happy. I did the latter. I'm not willing to do that ever again, even if it means I spend the rest of my life home alone with 32 cats and a case of merlot. 

Which, let's face it, really doesn't sound all _that_ bad.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> *This totally. Plus I was catering a long to my husband's preferences. My hair was princess long and dark because that's what he liked. My clothes were lacy, prim, proper, and dull. Once again, his preference. When I exercised he made fun of me, so I quit doing that as often.
> *
> I take full responsibility for the choices I made to "please him" because at the end of the day it was my decision. However, I learned a big lesson: I want to find someone who accepts me for me. And however "Me" evolves over time. If it's not a forever relationship that's ok, I just want a genuine connection(s)


UGH!! I can only imagine how FREE you must feel now! :smthumbup:


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

I cut my dreadlocks to shoulder length. I was already working out but upped things a few more days. Over a year and a half later, I'm in very good physical shape. I got lots of tattoos as well. I also bought some new clothes that allow my tattoos to show on my arm (I'm almost sleeved now on one arm). A woman I know and had not seen in over a year told me last week that I look "very impressive" like somebody she would see on a stage at a concert or something. That was nice to hear.

The first tattoo was a phoenix. Obviously symbolic of the situation...my intent to rise out of the ashes better than I went down in flames. The others are about other things.


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## grays (Jun 24, 2014)

I have been going crazy with the skin creams. lol I think it just feels so bizarre to me to be 44 and single. The last time I was single I was 19. And I have met very few single men my age so far. The guys that notice me seem to be in their early 30's, which is just freakish. I think it will take me a couple of years to catch up to my actual age, so in the mean time I don't want to get all wrinkly!


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