# Hubby is getting a vasectomy...



## LovelyChiefsFan

Let me start off by saying I love my husband very much. He is an amazing husband, father, and provider for our family. We have a 2 boys together, ages 2 and 3 months. 
Here is the deal...about 6 months after we started dating we had the ‘talk’ you know about kids and all. He didn’t want any, and at the time i told him I wanted at least one maybe 2. He agreed to 1. Now I didn’t have any kids, I was 22 he was 27 years old, and I knew I wanted kids. I had no real way of knowing how many, I had no way of knowing what it feels like to be a mother or how much I would love it and completely adore my children. Well we had our first and he wanted to get a vasectomy. I of course was not behind him with this. He held off and left it alone. I had a huge health scare about a year after our first son was born. The doctors were going to do a hysterectomy on me to save my life if the meds they gave me didn’t work. Thankfully it didn’t end that way and I ended up having to get one of my Fallopian tubes removed instead of a hysterectomy. Well after that it scared me and I knew I wanted another baby. I begged him for a few months before he agreed. Now he is a complete different person with this baby than he was our first. He was completely hands on with our first. This one he is 0 help at all with and the baby doesn’t even want him to hold him at this point. 
He told me when I became pregnant with our 2nd that he was done. At the moment I feel I am done as well, however I’m 27...the finality of that decision hits me hard. I don’t agree with him however this time he doesn’t care. I can see he is done by the way he is with this baby and of course him saying he is. I don’t think anything bad about him at all for this. He gave me 2 children when he didn’t want any...why am I here than?
Because I’m scared. I know eventually I will look back and wish I had another one, or wish I had the option for another one. I don’t want to resent him...it sounds harsh I know...he has done what he agreed to do and more, but I fear of how I may feel in a few years. This isn’t fair to him....he has his vasectomy scheduled for the 30th of August and wants me to take him...selfishly I want no parts of this and want him to find someone else...I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it...I offered to get the mirena but he said there is no point, he’s don’t and doesn’t want the option for another. Please help me...he deserves me to be supportive of him, he deserves me to be happy with the two he gave me but I cant force myself to agree with it no matter how hard I try...he had his consultation for it today and I feel like I was unfairly in a ****ty mood with him all night because of it...

I posted here hoping i could get some men responses as well because I’m not sure how to handle this situation...I want to be supportive of him but every time he talks about it I envision him killing all my maybe babies and it makes me sick... how can I get past this?


----------



## Wolfman1968

Well, think this through.

Let's start with this question:

Suppose he didn't have a vasectomy, and you two just did an effective form of reversible birth control. What would you say/feel/do if his views never changed, and he still did not want to consider another baby?


You'd still be in the situation you are currently in, it's just that the finality of that decision is so much more when there is a permanent sterilization done.


Let's think about that first. What would your reaction be?


----------



## Spicy

Imagine if he had taken the same selfish view. You would now have zero kids. Appreciate his double compromise. Do the same in return.


----------



## Mr.Married

after we started dating we had the ‘talk’ you know about kids and all. He didn’t want any, and at the time i told him I wanted at least one maybe 2.


He didn't want any from the start and you knew this. He already gave you two.

How much more do you want him to go against what he wants?


----------



## notmyjamie

I have three children. I didn't want anymore after my third was born because her delivery was very difficult, the recovery was horrible, and she NEVER slept. I was done, done, done having kids. 

Guess what? Even now, 15 years later, I sometimes think "I wish I'd had one more." 

My point is that you will probably always have that fleeting thought here and there...think of it wistfully and then move on with your life. That fleeting thought is not worth busting up your marriage with a guy who has given you what you want twice over at the expense of what he wanted. As it is, he already is not bonded with your second child. Having a third would be the end of your marriage. By your own account he's an amazing husband...don't throw that away. Bring him to the appointment and be glad you have such a man as your husband. If you have to, keep reminding yourself of how much you love him and what you'd feel if you lost him. Then give him a kiss and thank him for all he's done for your family.

So it comes down to this...do you want a third child or do you want your husband? Because it sounds like you can't have both. 

If it helps, I'll tell you that once you add a third kid, everything gets harder and more expensive. You need a bigger car, vacations cost twice as much, etc. I would NEVER wish away my third, but I tell people to remember that the world was made for families of 4 and life is just easier if you stick with that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

He has gone well beyond what he wanted to do in the first place. Why would you even think of adding another child with him anyway when you say here that he doesnt want anything to do with your second baby? To me, that is just not ok... how can he be so cold? I hope that changes, or that poor kid is going to grow up with issues, knowing that his father doesnt want him. Would you really be ok bringing another child into the family knowing that this is how it would be? Does a child deserve that?

I really hope he comes around with child #2. What you described here is NOT an "amazing" father.


----------



## aine

I think you are pushing it, remember he did not want any kids to begin with but he has given you 2 already. 

I think it is time to allow him to do what he wants with HIS body and stop being so selfish and self centered. It is not all about you. 
You created the problem with having another kid when he didn't want another kid. No wonder he is full of resentment. A spouse who walks all over another one to get that they want is not a very loving or supportive spouse, you are the one out of line here. Be happy with what you have and support your H, you may not have for long if you continue to put your desires ahead of his.


----------



## uhtred

My father never wanted me - something I could only vaguely sense as a young child, but recognized more as I grew up. It took a surprisingly long time for me to figure out that he had spend most of his life avoiding spending time with me, while I spent my childhood thinking what a great father he was, but that he had lots of *important* things to do that kept him away. 

There can be no compromise on children. If both parents don't actively want them, don't have them. If that means divorce to find a partner who does, that is a far far better solution.


----------



## personofinterest

spicy said:


> imagine if he had taken the same selfish view. You would now have zero kids. Appreciate his double compromise. Do the same in return.


this


----------



## LovelyChiefsFan

Wolfman1968 said:


> Well, think this through.
> 
> Let's start with this question:
> 
> Suppose he didn't have a vasectomy, and you two just did an effective form of reversible birth control. What would you say/feel/do if his views never changed, and he still did not want to consider another baby?
> 
> Honestly at this point I don’t want another kid anyway. I think another person was right. I guess I will probably always feel that inkling of maybe at some point wanting one more. And you are absolutely right, it would be the same thing either way. Something about a 5 year mirena just feels much less permanent thus feels way better. I in no way feel he should compromise again, he has done it twice maybe I just want to understand my feelings. I want to be supportive of him and i guess that is just a personal problem. I have apologized to him this morning and told him I will take him to the appointment. I still don’t want to do it and think it’s a terrible idea, but I’m trying really hard to respect his wishes and what he wants as well.
> 
> 
> You'd still be in the situation you are currently in, it's just that the finality of that decision is so much more when there is a permanent sterilization done.
> 
> 
> Let's think about that first. What would your reaction be?


----------



## Openminded

He already treats your second son differently and (assuming that continues) your son will definitely be aware of that his entire life. Would you want him doing that to another child?


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

It's not what you want, its what you both want. He has met you more than half way. Two kids are a handful. Treasure them and don't give him grief, be thankful to him he went further for you than he was comfortable with.


----------



## StarFires

You get past it by realizing that you're the one being selfish and should resent yourself and not him. You want the decision regarding children to be all yours, but how is that fair? You got 2 of what you wanted. He got zero of what he wanted, which was 0 children. And you STILL refuse to put a limit on it and want to saddle him with as many children as YOU want. I really can't believe you.

There, did that work? Because it sure as hell should have.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

My wife and I had the same initial discussion. Neither of us was looking forward to kids. 

When we changed our minds, we did it 100% together. We weren't really looking for kids, but we decided if it happens, it happens, and of course it did. 

Then we decided, completely jointly, that we didn't want to raise an only child.

After two (both girls), she decided she wanted a boy. I wanted to be done.

.... you can probably guess who got her way (and not without some trickery)....

After spending the better part of the next two decades busting my ass to provide a good life for a family of five, I woke up and realized (or at least perceived) that I had been used. It became a source of resentment and friction in our marriage.

Beware, sometimes a woman's biological drive can drive her to do things disrespectful or dismissive of her partner, even subconsciously. It can be a serious problem.


----------



## Casual Observer

I think we need to consider the effect on the long-term relationship here. You need to turn around his attitude about kid #2, and trying to push for kid #3 isn't likely the best way to do that. As others have said, he's already compromised. HUGELY. I think this is a situation where you have to turn things around in your head, take one for the team, and completely support his position, because it's his position and because he's already made a big compromise.

He wants you to take him to get the vasectomy to show your support for his feelings. This could be that pivotal point in your marriage, the one you don't want to look back upon as when he decided to do his own things and you decided to do yours. You need to get back into the "together" fold. Quickly.

You could also be drifting into that "kids/mom first, wife second" mode. That's really dangerous. It seems natural, like what you're meant to do, but you're going to be with this guy for many years after the kids have gone. Hopefully. You are, today, laying the groundwork for your relationship 25, 30, even 40 years down the road. Trust me. This I know from personal experience.

One more thing. Sure, we all know people who have a gaggle of kids and somehow do just fine. But There are also quite a few with 3, or 4, who wonder, silently because it's so wrong to voice such a thought, if things might have been easier to manage with "just" 2. Both my wife and I came from families with 4 kids. We had no desire to repeat that. 2 seemed natural from the start. But we also experimented with dogs, and discovered 2 dogs were OK, but 3 dogs somehow seemed like 2 too many. Our love for our children may know no bounds, but practicality is not such a bad thing to think about.

This is your moment. Use it wisely. If this seems like your man for the rest of your life, consider a 180 on your feelings. Look at it as an investment for the future. And remember, seriously, you married your husband, and made vows that you'll love him for the rest of your life. Above all others. Your job with kids is to raise them well and send them on their way. Your job with your husband is to nourish that relationship to the best of your abilities and make sure you show him a love that he will look forward to for the rest of his life. You cannot take a break from that while you have kids in the house.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> My wife and I had the same initial discussion. Neither of us was looking forward to kids.
> 
> When we changed our minds, we did it 100% together. We weren't really looking for kids, but we decided if it happens, it happens, and of course it did.
> 
> Then we decided, completely jointly, that we didn't want to raise an only child.
> 
> After two (both girls), she decided she wanted a boy. I wanted to be done.
> 
> .... you can probably guess who got her way (and not without some trickery)....
> 
> After spending the better part of the next two decades busting my ass to provide a good life for a family of five, I woke up and realized (or at least perceived) that I had been used. It became a source of resentment and friction in our marriage.
> 
> Beware, sometimes a woman's biological drive can drive her to do things disrespectful or dismissive of her partner, even subconsciously. It can be a serious problem.


Thats raw...


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

One other thing I will add is that that drive to make another baby doesn't always translate into caring for teens. By the time our last left the house, my wife was done.... and wished we had, started, and therefore finished, earlier (fortunately, I did very well with teenagers, so we were perfectly complimentary in that regard). 

So again, consider the long-term ramifications of your actions. Not just for him, but also for yourself. How old do you want to be before you and your husband can enjoy your life together without kids? Believe it or not, looking forward to that does not mean you don't love your kids. 

For everything, there is a season....


----------



## pastasauce79

I don't remember when or how my husband and I had the "kids" conversation but I remember him saying that he wanted to have a child when he was 30 years old. Our first child was born 20 days before his 31st birthday in 2008. I wanted children but at 28, I kept thinking that I was too young and wasn't ready to start a family. 

By 2010 I got pregnant with our second child. We knew we wanted a second child, we didn't know when, but we weren't too careful to avoid it and it happened.

I freaked out. I realized I wasn't really ready to have another child. I got really depressed, I got so much depression and anxiety. I cried a lot, I felt hopeless. In my mind, with 2 small children, my life as an independent woman was over. 

Thank goodness I found a great therapist who helped me getting out of that mindset. My husband (bless his heart) stayed quiet and was supportive. He didn't mind me sleeping a lot or the messy house. I was a full time SAHM and my house was a wreck! 

I had our daughter and as soon as she was born, everything felt amazing. Those bonding hormones were awesome. I fell in love with her as soon as I looked into her pretty eyes. 

My husband got a vasectomy done when our daughter was 6 months old. I was done having kids. Even though my husband agreed that 2 kids were enough, I think he wouldn't have minded having one more. He loves children, but he knew I was done, and since I had a terrible time during my second pregnancy, he understood why. 

I'm really thankful that my husband met me halfway and had a vasectomy done. It feels wonderful not to worry about birth control! Lol! I feels wonderful because we have a good relationship. I don't know if you have a good marriage or if you have other issues going on.

Maybe your husband needs to talk to someone about bonding with your second child. I recommend talking to a therapist. 

It could be difficult for some parents to bond with their children. Specially if they freak out like I did. I didn't feel any closeness to my second child during my pregnancy and that makes me feel guilty sometimes, specially when my daughter asks me about it. To be honest, I was in such a dark place that I don't remember what happened during that time.

Enjoy your kids and enjoy your husband as well. A family of four is wonderful! Your husband needs to have your support to feel loved and secure in your relationship. It's your turn to meet him halfway. Good luck!


----------



## Cynthia

I feel bad for your husband. His feelings don't seem to matter to you at all. Nor do the feelings of your children, since you think he's an "amazing father," who doesn't have anything to do with #2. On second thought, that is amazing, but not in a good way. 

Have you considered personal therapy to get to the bottom of why your feelings and desires matter so much more than that of other people?


----------



## SunWhiskey

You are selfish. 

My opinion as a guy.


----------



## Diana7

Why oh why did you even consider marrying a man who didn't want children. I feel for your poor baby whose father is rejecting him.


----------



## Cynthia

Diana7 said:


> Why oh why did you even consider marrying a man who didn't want children. I feel for your poor baby whose father is rejecting him.


What's done is done. It doesn't matter why she did such a foolish thing. She needs to accept her situation and rather than putting herself over her husband to consider his feelings as valid.


----------



## Casual Observer

CynthiaDe said:


> What's done is done. It doesn't matter why she did such a foolish thing. She needs to accept her situation and rather than putting herself over her husband to consider his feelings as valid.


And consider how fortunate she is to have two healthy kids! Many aren’t so fortunate. I hope she came here with a mind open to different thinking, perhaps hoping to be convinced her husband’s point of view was reasonable, and not just validation of her original view.


----------



## arbitrator

*Almost all vasectomy techniques done nowadays are reversible!*


----------



## Cynthia

A little background on me:
I am a 55 year old woman with three grown children. I am a grandmother of two and babysit for them regularly in addition to being in college. I have been married for 35 years. I'm pro-life.

I am thankful for my children and think they have made me a much better and wiser person than I would have been. They are my heart and I am crazy about each of them. 

My husband has always been involved with our children. He loves being a dad and a grandfather. At the moment he has one baby crawling on him and another playing next to him.

I'm not anti-children. My concern is that you married a man who was completely upfront with you and you are trying to pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to do and to stop him from having control over his reproductive ability. I think that is unfair and inconsiderate.

My recommendation is that you focus on being thankful for the family you have and work to strengthen the relationship with your husband and children. Being thankful rather than wishing and manipulating others for what we want is a healthier way to live, imo.


----------



## sunsetmist

Is it possible that you are basing your worth on your motherhood? --and it is evident in many ways in everyday life? We can't live our lives while thinking what might happen in the future.

I see marriage as a relationship where the man is the head and the wife is the neck--one does not function without the other. You have a decision to make now--be wise in deciding what is important to you. You cannot have both.


----------



## aquarius1

aine said:


> I think you are pushing it, remember he did not want any kids to begin with but he has given you 2 already.
> 
> I think it is time to allow him to do what he wants with HIS body and stop being so selfish and self centered. It is not all about you.
> You created the problem with having another kid when he didn't want another kid. No wonder he is full of resentment. A spouse who walks all over another one to get that they want is not a very loving or supportive spouse, you are the one out of line here. Be happy with what you have and support your H, you may not have for long if you continue to put your desires ahead of his.


Thank you. Let’s turn the tables. If a woman was done having kids and her husband pressured her for more, the women’s group would be up in arms!
It’s HIS BODY. He has given you 2 children. Stop wishing for more and enjoy what you have. Stop leveraging the future for the present.
Be thankful and go with him to the doctors office for his consult. Be supportive. Buy bags of frozen peas for after the surgery and set him up in bed with all his favourite things. Thank him for your 2 kids.
He’s dancing as fast as he can. I suspect he may relax towards your second child once his procedure is done.


----------



## aquarius1

Casual Observer said:


> You could also be drifting into that "kids/mom first, wife second" mode. That's really dangerous. It seems natural, like what you're meant to do, but you're going to be with this guy for many years after the kids have gone. Hopefully. You are, today, laying the groundwork for your relationship 25, 30, even 40 years down the road. Trust me. This I know from personal experience.
> 
> This is your moment. Use it wisely. If this seems like your man for the rest of your life, consider a 180 on your feelings. Look at it as an investment for the future. And remember, seriously, you married your husband, and made vows that you'll love him for the rest of your life. Above all others. Your job with kids is to raise them well and send them on their way. Your job with your husband is to nourish that relationship to the best of your abilities and make sure you show him a love that he will look forward to for the rest of his life. You cannot take a break from that while you have kids in the house.


THIS! please listen. I made this fatal mistake and nearly flushed a 30 year marriage down the toilet. Only by grace did I come to my senses one day and thank goodness he was still there. 
We are slowly rebuilding our relationship but at the cost of YEARS wasted. To this day when he recounts the years of little to no closeness that I can actually see the pain on his face.
Men have sensitive egos. He supported you. Now he’s asking for your support. This could be a pivotal point in your relationship.
Don’t blow it (no pun intended) :grin2:


----------



## notmyjamie

It's hard to see, but the OP posted this message this morning in another quote: 

_Honestly at this point I don’t want another kid anyway. I think another person was right. I guess I will probably always feel that inkling of maybe at some point wanting one more. And you are absolutely right, it would be the same thing either way. Something about a 5 year mirena just feels much less permanent thus feels way better. I in no way feel he should compromise again, he has done it twice maybe I just want to understand my feelings. I want to be supportive of him and i guess that is just a personal problem. I have apologized to him this morning and told him I will take him to the appointment. I still don’t want to do it and think it’s a terrible idea, but I’m trying really hard to respect his wishes and what he wants as well. _

I'm glad to hear you're coming around and that you apologized to your husband. As for him bonding with your second child, how old is that child? I'm thinking that some people have trouble bonding with infants and do better with older kids. Maybe he'll start to bond more as the child gets bigger?? Or, once he's had the vasectomy and he knows for sure he's done, he will be able to bond better with your second child. 

I hope so anyway. Good luck to you on appointment day. Make sure to have lots of bags of frozen veggies for your husband post procedure! And remember...until he's had that follow up ensuring that the procedure worked you can still get pregnant.


----------



## anonfrank

Agree with the sentiment above that your hubby compromised greatly when he didn’t want kids at all. Now, it’s your turn. Please accept his decision, move on, and enjoy your two wonderful babies.


----------



## Spicy

OP, don’t stop posting because the answers were so bold. We are strangers so we answer quick and based on what was written. This rarely has us factoring in emotions. 

Let me do that now, because I have (somewhat) been where you currently stand. I love being a mom. After my first (who I thought I would be fine with being an only) it became clear almost immediately that I wanted another one. I realized after child #2 when that same feeling returned that I would always want more. It’s how I’m wired. I love kids. My health really couldn’t handle more, but my heart sure could! We had a difficult decision to make. 

We as a couple decided he was going to have a vasectomy when our second child was an infant. A huge part of me just didn’t want to take away that “option”. It seemed so final. Is that how you are feeling hun? You have a newborn and your hormones are high. (As were mine). This is a rough time to try to get your emotions on board with this type of decision. 

My DH had it, and I felt sad. Sometimes, I was happy. Sometimes I was not sure we made the right choice. All things considered, intellectually I know we did the right thing, but the impractical child craving mom in me still wishes I had more kids. That V was nearly 20 years ago now, and every once in a while I will still say “We should have made more babies when we had the chance!”

So I guess I am saying, it is doubtful you will be able to feel the same way he does about having it. The best you can do is be understanding and supportive of him, his decision, body and life.

After this procedure is behind you, you must look into counseling or some sort of help to get him to stop rejecting your second child. That is very serious. 

I wish you the best. We hope you keep participating on our forum. 
Hugs!


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

In a lighthearted note, on another thread I posted the mountain bikers concept of n+1.

n+1= the number of bikes a biker wants where n=the number of bikes he currently has.

It seems some women are that way with babies.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Here's the great part of your situation OP. You have two kids. Highly likely you will have a grand baby or two in about 18-25 years from now. Here's the great part of being a grandparent. You can spoil the hell out of them no matter what. If your kids move away, when they come visit or you visit them, spoil the hell out of them and enjoy it. Your kids won't be able to say anything no matter how much your spoiling of them ticks them off. After all, its just a few days out of the year. 

If the don't move away, you can spoil the hell out of them. No matter how much it ticks off your kids, they cant say anything because you are providing free daycare. Which is like handing them $1000+/month. 


As for your husband. He's resentful and thats the issue with him and baby. You need to approach this subject with him. He's resentful of you and he's being cold towards his baby for it. This needs to be resolved asap!


----------



## Oldtimer

My two cents for what it’s worth and if it even fits!

My ex had two children when we got together. Within a year, she had another, then 11 months later another. We both agreed that I could and perhaps should have a vasectomy. I did and things were ok for a bit, but 4 boys under the age of six was a hairy ride. We weren’t poor, but neither were we “ well off”. 

When the youngest was 12, she left to find herself and as well left the boys with me, all 4. She eventually found another man, had a few miscarriages and then two more kids. She did say at one point she loved being pregnant. I look back and wonder sometimes if there might have been some issues with her that I didn’t see at the time. I hope this is not the case with you, I’m talking about the mom vs wife thing and wanting more children.

As an aside, I remarried and now am father to 8 adult children. This is funny as it wasn’t what I had in mind for my life.

Agreeing with The Dude Lebowski, we have a grand total of 17 grands and 2 and a fraction of greats. Just finished grandparenting one and loved him being here, but nice to see him go home with mom and dad.

My biggest wtf is at your husbands issue with your second child, please ensure that he sees someone about that issue. Wishing you the best.

OT


----------



## MEM2020

Lovely,

What an incredibly honest and well written post. 
My wife and I have been together 30 years, married 28. 

I wanted to stop at one. So - I’m going to tell you what I told my wife 23 years ago when I was scheduling my vasectomy: I know the idea of this child being the ‘last’ is sad for you, because you love newborns. But no matter how many children we had, there would always be a last and that would always make you sad. 

For the moment I have a suggestion, that I think you need consider very seriously. You have described a slow motion train wreck in progress with regard to your husbands attitude towards your 5 month old. And I’m guessing that the current friction over family size is making for a generally tense environment. 

I really think you need to change your focus from your maybe babies to your very present youngest baby, which means having a pretty unfiltered conversation with L2. If it was me - I’d run a symmetry play - humans love symmetry. That goes like this:

Babe,
I understand that you resent B2, and I know that’s hard. I promise to work on my resentment regarding the loss of the possibility of a larger family later in life, and I need you to accept and love B2 as much as you do B1. 

———————
Lovely,
I will say that all good marriages are comprised of layers upon layers of carefully considered compromises. For example, I did not wish to have our final child, I did however fully embrace her upon arrival as it seemed any other course of action would have been wrong, and counterproductive. 

That said - M2 did press this family size thing into the orange zone. At which point I gave her 3 options:
1. Accept my child max gracefully and refrain from complaining about my vasectomy 
2. Part amicably and under generous financial terms at current size which was child max minus one 
3. Pretend to accept my child max and then go to war for additional children later, which would result in a bitter divorce 

She went for (1), and that was that. And yes - she drove me to the vasectomy. 






LovelyChiefsFan said:


> Let me start off by saying I love my husband very much. He is an amazing husband, father, and provider for our family. We have a 2 boys together, ages 2 and 3 months.
> Here is the deal...about 6 months after we started dating we had the ‘talk’ you know about kids and all. He didn’t want any, and at the time i told him I wanted at least one maybe 2. He agreed to 1. Now I didn’t have any kids, I was 22 he was 27 years old, and I knew I wanted kids. I had no real way of knowing how many, I had no way of knowing what it feels like to be a mother or how much I would love it and completely adore my children. Well we had our first and he wanted to get a vasectomy. I of course was not behind him with this. He held off and left it alone. I had a huge health scare about a year after our first son was born. The doctors were going to do a hysterectomy on me to save my life if the meds they gave me didn’t work. Thankfully it didn’t end that way and I ended up having to get one of my Fallopian tubes removed instead of a hysterectomy. Well after that it scared me and I knew I wanted another baby. I begged him for a few months before he agreed. Now he is a complete different person with this baby than he was our first. He was completely hands on with our first. This one he is 0 help at all with and the baby doesn’t even want him to hold him at this point.
> He told me when I became pregnant with our 2nd that he was done. At the moment I feel I am done as well, however I’m 27...the finality of that decision hits me hard. I don’t agree with him however this time he doesn’t care. I can see he is done by the way he is with this baby and of course him saying he is. I don’t think anything bad about him at all for this. He gave me 2 children when he didn’t want any...why am I here than?
> Because I’m scared. I know eventually I will look back and wish I had another one, or wish I had the option for another one. I don’t want to resent him...it sounds harsh I know...he has done what he agreed to do and more, but I fear of how I may feel in a few years. This isn’t fair to him....he has his vasectomy scheduled for the 30th of August and wants me to take him...selfishly I want no parts of this and want him to find someone else...I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it...I offered to get the mirena but he said there is no point, he’s don’t and doesn’t want the option for another. Please help me...he deserves me to be supportive of him, he deserves me to be happy with the two he gave me but I cant force myself to agree with it no matter how hard I try...he had his consultation for it today and I feel like I was unfairly in a ****ty mood with him all night because of it...
> 
> I posted here hoping i could get some men responses as well because I’m not sure how to handle this situation...I want to be supportive of him but every time he talks about it I envision him killing all my maybe babies and it makes me sick... how can I get past this?


----------



## FieryHairedLady

Does he have kids other then your two?

Knowing from the get go he never wanted kids should of been A RED FLAG FOR YOU.

Is the problem financial?

Why did he never want kids? 

Yes women are wired to want more babies, nothing wrong with that.

Something needs to be done regarding him and ds#2, That is NOT ok.

He wants to get clipped & snipped. Watch and see what happens. If he keeps snubbing baby boy, you'll have a decision to make, and you may end up very glad he got snipped instead of you.


----------



## CraigBesuden

FieryHairedLady said:


> Knowing from the get go he never wanted kids should of been A RED FLAG FOR YOU.


With OLD, you know it up front. In person, that’s something you really want to know at the outset, IMO. Not six months in.


----------



## CraigBesuden

One more thing:

That desire for more little ones? They will come some day. They are called “grand children.” Love your children while you await your grand children.


----------

