# An unexpected trigger



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I could not remember which year my wife had her affair. I'd blocked it out.

Today my boss gave me the access code for the building.

I thought: "How can I remember that?"

Then I remembered it was the year my wife had her affair.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Did anything good happen that year that you could focus on

Can you change the access code
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

wow that is crappy especially because you are going to have to use it more than once I presume.

The weirdest trigger for me was a note pad the color of the one I was writing in that year. It took me a bit to realize why it has bothered me and brought all that crap back up. (I can not use blue note pads anymore)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

workindad said:


> Did anything good happen that year that you could focus on
> 
> Can you change the access code
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. Not really.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kurosity said:


> wow that is crappy especially because you are going to have to use it more than once I presume.
> 
> The weirdest trigger for me was a note pad the color of the one I was writing in that year. It took me a bit to realize why it has bothered me and brought all that crap back up. (I can not use blue note pads anymore)


Yep. Every time I go to work, so at least twice a day.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Did you reconcile with your wife the same year?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

workindad said:


> Did you reconcile with your wife the same year?


Yes, maybe I should concentrate on that. Thank you.


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## northerbelle (Aug 2, 2013)

Im so sorry to hear about the trigger. I hope you are able to get to a place where you can reroute the memory of the year to the reconciliation. I'm so fresh into this garbage I trigger all day long over nothing so I expect it. Something like this would probably take my breath away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

northerbelle said:


> Im so sorry to hear about the trigger. I hope you are able to get to a place where you can reroute the memory of the year to the reconciliation. I'm so fresh into this garbage I trigger all day long over nothing so I expect it. Something like this would probably take my breath away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you. I rarely get triggers these days, 15+ years later, but this one did take my breath away.


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Well it's just over a year since dday and I had a massive trigger today. Luckily I get less of them as the months go by.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

hibiscus said:


> Well it's just over a year since dday and I had a massive trigger today. Luckily I get less of them as the months go by.


They do come, don't they?


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I could not remember which year my wife had her affair. I'd blocked it out.
> 
> Today my boss gave me the access code for the building.
> 
> ...


So sorry to hear about that. It's crazy that even something that long ago can still have that effect on you.

I had them all the time until I moved out of my house. My wife was cheating right under my nose in my own home. I knew exactly what happened and where it happened. In my kitchen - on the stairs. And then I finally moved last week and got a new phone number. The last four digits are her birthday! I'm trying to get her out of my life once and for all but that's not going to help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Clawed said:


> So sorry to hear about that. It's crazy that even that even something that long ago can still have that effect on you.
> 
> I have them all the time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When did you find out?


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> They do come, don't they?


Yes out of the blue. Today I feel angry. It will pass.


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Clawed said:


> So sorry to hear about that. It's crazy that even something that long ago can still have that effect on you.
> 
> I had them all the time until I moved out of my house. My wife was cheating right under my nose in my own home. I knew exactly what happened and where it happened. In my kitchen - on the stairs. And then I finally moved last week and got a new phone number. The last four digits are her birthday! I'm trying to get her out of my life once and for all but that's not going to help!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ugh. That's horrible. It happened at his house and I haven't been there since. He has moved in with me recently so I never have to go back there. Don't wish to ever


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Oh man, it was so ridiculously bad. We got that house and I truly believed I would retire there, I have never loved a house so much. Then my wife did that and ruined everything - I had everything I every wanted, and lost it all in the blink of an eye. Oh and I came back from the library just now and my assigned PIN - that's my stbxw's birthday too. Yay!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Clawed said:


> Oh man, it was so ridiculously bad. We got that house and I truly believed I would retire there, I have never loved a house so much. Then my wife did that and ruined everything - I had everything I every wanted, and lost it all in the blink of an eye. Oh and I came back from the library just now and my assigned PIN - that's my stbxw's birthday too. Yay!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can you change your PIN?


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

Isn't it the most infuriating thing?!?!? I'm 2 1/2 years in and last week we sat down to watch a movie on Netflex like we do every week and he said "Why don't we watch ______it is the sequel to the movie _______ that we had such a good time watching. I said I didn't remember that movie. He said we laughed so hard over it. I still didn't remember. I looked it up, it didn't seem familiar. I looked up when it was released on video and pay for view. Wouldn't you know it was just before he spent the 2 days in a motel with the gold digging who** he had the affair with. He had told me they had paid for some movies between time of having sex. He watched it with her! Great! Trigger much!


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

This sucks man. I wish every time life hands out a lemon we could make lemonade. Most of the time we can, not all the times. These wounds go deep, deeper than we ourselves realize. 

I made it a point to do everything that I did with my STBXW on my own. It hurts like hell when I go through them, but those triggers lose their power after I face them one after another. I remember, there was a time when I couldn't even stand the name of my STBXW's alma mater when the college games would go on the TV. Not anymore. Triggers still exist, but now they are more like annoying flies, instead of fire breathing dragons. 

Keep on cruising man.


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## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

life101 said:


> This sucks man. I wish every time life hands out a lemon we could make lemonade. Most of the time we can, not all the times. These wounds go deep, deeper than we ourselves realize.
> 
> I made it a point to do everything that I did with my STBXW on my own. It hurts like hell when I go through them, but those triggers lose their power after I face them one after another. I remember, there was a time when I couldn't even stand the name of my STBXW's alma mater when the college games would go on the TV. Not anymore. Triggers still exist, but now they are more like annoying flies, instead of fire breathing dragons.
> 
> Keep on cruising man.


Maybe I am wrong in my understanding of what a trigger is... I always thought it was in R that triggers are present. If D is the case, can it still be called a trigger?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

jay_gatsby said:


> Maybe I am wrong in my understanding of what a trigger is... I always thought it was in R that triggers are present. If D is the case, can it still be called a trigger?


It's just something that causes a painful memory or feeling. Happens more often in R but of course people can suffer them whatever the situation.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Can you change your PIN?


yeah, apparently they use the last 4 digits of your phone as your PIN. I really need a new phone number. Not surprisingly though, I memorised it in 5 seconds and I'm typically terrible with new numbers


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

FB was one hell of a trigger for me and well anything to do with it cased me to erupt, had to get over that after my boss made me responsible for handling the barns FB activities as my former hobby as a magazine contributor made me a better choice than Ted our tractor driver who would probably spit his tobacco over the screen and keyboard if he were to try to attempt computer literacy, learning very fast to "let go" of particular things like that, but TBH I feel I have changed these past few weeks and I am beginning to care less about the past and look more to the future, some of the old triggers are almost non existent now :scratchhead:


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Looking at 2 yr D Day Aug 31 this whole month is a trigger. The memories that keep playing over and over while I try to rewrite my marriage. I have to come to grips and understand it was a lie from day one. So what am I still doing here? Triggers suck especially when your actually having a moment to smile and laugh then bamm up side the head.


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## confusedFather (Jul 15, 2012)

MattMatt,

You're a frequent poster here; even posted in threads I started a year ago. Isn't coming here causing you to trigger as well? 

I'm still here but infrequently and only end up coming when I'm triggered otherwise. Reading others problems lets me know I'm not the only one this has happened to and helps in a way. I try not to post unless I have something constructive to say. So I guess what I'm saying to you is maybe you should get out of this madness. Constantly, reminding yourself of the A is going to keep it in the back of your mind all the time just waiting for anything to trigger it. Or maybe you're like me and it's back there all the time no matter what you do.

I have struggled trying to decide if TAM is good or bad for me now. I'm rambling...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

confusedFather said:


> MattMatt,
> 
> You're a frequent poster here; even posted in threads I started a year ago. Isn't coming here causing you to trigger as well?
> 
> ...


Oh, yeah, it was always at the back of my mind. Aided by my wife's ability to say hurtful things by accident. (She always tells the truth, no matter how hurtful it is.)

Which is why I looked for a website that would help me. And TAM was that website.:smthumbup:

I like to think I can offer my insight and life experiences to fellow sufferers. Hopefully, I am helpful, at least sometimes.


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## GreenThumb (Jul 5, 2013)

MattMatt, 

So sorry about your unexpected trigger. No matter how, where or when, they just plain suck. 

It's funny how previously innocent things and scenarios become triggers or reminders of the A. Affairs dramatically alter the lens through which those affected by them view the world.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GreenThumb said:


> MattMatt,
> 
> So sorry about your unexpected trigger. No matter how, where or when, they just plain suck.
> 
> It's funny how previously innocent things and scenarios become triggers or reminders of the A. Affairs dramatically alter the lens through which those affected by them view the world.


Oddly enough after several days of using the entry code, I ceased triggering. Thank God.


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