# A single step



## Jakobi Greenleaf

The beginning of the longest journey is the taking of a single step. 


Chapter One
Wherein we meet the cast

My name is John. I am approaching my tenth anniversary. My litmus for success is very simple. 
If you could go back and do it again, would you? 
Without question and without hesitation I would go back and do it again. Of course there are little things I would change. I can be an idiot sometimes. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would still marry my wife. Without further ado, the introductions. 

Husband and narrator: Both played by me. I wanted Morgan Freeman as narrator, but no dice. 
Wife: Laurie 
Oldest child: Hunter
Middle child: Olivia 
Youngest child: Jeremiah aka Frog


Chapter 1A
Where am I now? 

Again, my name is John. I am 31, and I am approaching my tenth anniversary. My wife is 31 as well, however, I am an old man while she retains her youth. She tells me this is because I am six months older then she is. She also tells me that if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I'm inclined to believe her on both counts. We have three children, currently 10, 7 and 1. However, the two younger ones have birthdays in July, so the ages will be changing shortly. I met my wife in the spring of 2000. I was 18 at the time, and she was either 17 or 18. We were married in 2003. I currently reside in the Tampa Bay area. I believe that my greatest asset is my sense of humor. You can go through life laughing or crying. I choose to laugh. And if I can get anyone else to laugh with me, all the better. If I had to describe myself in one sentence I think the following fits me pretty well :
I am the second biggest dork you will ever meet. 
Enough about me. The show must go on.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

Chapter 2
A meeting of the minds (I wasn't invited) 

I wasn't married to Laurie when I met her. Perhaps some pre - marriage story is in order? In the spring of 2000, under some bad circumstances, I moved in with my biological mother. The first place that would hire me was a McDonald's on the other side of town. My wife attended a Christian school nearby, and was a manager part time at said burger place. It was pretty tough at first. Neither of us had a licence or car, so our interaction was limited to work. Things got a little better when I moved out of my parents house, and moved in with a friend. Things got better still when Laurie got her license and a car. Looking back, life was remarkably easy going then. We had almost no bills, no kids. Just work and us. And once I went to work for her dad, we even had money. If only I could bottle that up. Laurie would spend a few nights at my place, and then go home for a day or two. And then it was back to my place. At that point, I couldn't have imagined how hard life could be. (Side note: It hasn't always been easy, and it hasn't always been fun. But it has always been worth it.) I don't know when exactly, but in the spring of 2002 I had decided that Laurie was the person who I wanted to grow old with. So I did what I thought any kid my age would've done. I sold my collection of Magic cards on ebay and used the money to buy an engagement ring. 

More to come later. This much typing on the phone is killing me, and I left my charger at home.


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## Plan 9 from OS

That's a lot of dedication to put the time and effort into composing your story with a smartphone. It's a pretty cool start. I always like those good success stories that start out when the H and W are young, poor and living on love. I think in situations like that, it's sink or swim time. You learn pretty early whether you have chosen wisely or not. When you get the answer back that your spouse will stick it out no matter what, it's an amazing feeling.

Funny thing though, for some of us we don't realize what we have or how lucky we are until years later - me included. My wife and I also started out with little, and I didn't realize how lucky I was to have such a committed woman until years later. It will hit you some day out of the blue. At least it did for me.

Get to a real keyboard and hop to it!


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

*Re: Re: A single step*



Plan 9 from OS said:


> That's a lot of dedication to put the time and effort into composing your story with a smartphone. It's a pretty cool start. I always like those good success stories that start out when the H and W are young, poor and living on love. I think in situations like that, it's sink or swim time. You learn pretty early whether you have chosen wisely or not. When you get the answer back that your spouse will stick it out no matter what, it's an amazing feeling.
> 
> Funny thing though, for some of us we don't realize what we have or how lucky we are until years later - me included. My wife and I also started out with little, and I didn't realize how lucky I was to have such a committed woman until years later. It will hit you some day out of the blue. At least it did for me.
> 
> Get to a real keyboard and hop to it!


Plan 9: I TAM exclusively from the phone. I use the tapatalk app. I use swiftkey for a keyboard, and as much as I like both of them, long posts are a pain in the nether region. I hope to put another solid post in after I get some sleep. To touch on a few of your points. We've never had money, but I would take being poor with her over being rich without her. My wealth isn't measured by my bank account. I know exactly what I have. I've known for a long time. I've had a pretty rough past, and my relationship with Laurie is far and away the best and most important part of my life. It's the thoughts like that, that make me believe my marriage has been a success. It hasn't always been easy, and it hasn't always been fun, but it has always been worth it. More later today I hope.


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## Coffee Amore

You sold your cards to get her engagement ring? That's sweet. Although I picture some really nerdy person (I wouldn't know anything about being a nerd..nope not me) saying "Dude!! You SOLD your collection MAGIC cards for some chick's ring? WTH man!"

Please keep going...I so agree with you that wealth isn't measured by a bank account.


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## Ikaika

John, please more. I love this story.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

There will be more later. I'm going to scour my computer, and see what I can come up with for pictures.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

*Re: Re: A single step*



Coffee Amore said:


> You sold your cards to get her engagement ring? That's sweet. Although I picture some really nerdy person (I wouldn't know anything about being a nerd..nope not me) saying "Dude!! You SOLD your collection MAGIC cards for some chick's ring? WTH man!"
> 
> Please keep going...I so agree with you that wealth isn't measured by a bank account.


I learned how to play magic as a freshman in high school. I met Laurie most of the way through was was meant to be my senior year. I sold the cards because when it comes down to it, magic will only ever be a game. Laurie was more important, so I sold the cards. I went on ebay and bought a nice ring from a jewelry store in Arizona. I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. We had unprotected sex for the first time that night. I believe that is the day my oldest was conceived. I mentioned pictures. How's about an old one. This one is from shortly after we started dating, and to this day is still one of my favorites.







I believe that photo was used for a senior picture. The getting married process was rough on me. I was working for my wife's father on his boat. I didn't get along with my mother in law, and she did a lot for the wedding. I felt like every time I got paid I gave her half my check. As far as I went, we both showed up, both said I do, and at the end off the day we were married. A smashing success. The pomp and ceremony meant nothing to me. But Laurie wanted it, and I place her happiness higher than pretty much everything but breathing.







It was official. Mr and Mrs Jacobi Greenleaf. 







Hunter was about eight months old when we tied the knot. 

In closing: there are plenty of rough times, both then and now. But moments like this make it all with it


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## Coffee Amore

You have a lovely family. You both look so young when you got married. 

Hunter really enjoyed that cake!


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

*Re: Re: A single step*



Coffee Amore said:


> You have a lovely family. You both look so young when you got married.
> 
> Hunter really enjoyed that cake!


When I turned 22 I had been married for a month and a half. Although I mentioned Hunter, that picture is of Jeremiah. He will turn two in a couple weeks, and I have a daughter who will be eight very soon as well.


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## SimplyAmorous

Jakobi Greenleaf said:


> She also tells me that if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I'm inclined to believe her on both counts. We have three children, currently 10, 7 and 1. However, the two younger ones have birthdays in July, so the ages will be changing shortly. I met my wife in the spring of 2000. I was 18 at the time, and she was either 17 or 18. We were married in 2003. I currently reside in the Tampa Bay area.
> 
> *I believe that my greatest asset is my sense of humor. You can go through life laughing or crying. I choose to laugh.* And if I can get anyone else to laugh with me, all the better. If I had to describe myself in one sentence I think the following fits me pretty well :
> I am the second biggest dork you will ever meet.
> Enough about me. The show must go on.


So long as you are a Responsible Dork.. besides KIDS love Dad's like that [email protected]#$ ....Happiness is a choice and choosing to laugh over the little stuff is a blessing to have in any partner. 

Love the personal touch with the sharing of your wedding photos along with your story.



> I sold the cards because when it comes down to it, magic will only ever be a game. Laurie was more important, so I sold the cards. I went on ebay and bought a nice ring from a jewelry store in Arizona. I asked her to marry me, and she said yes.
> ....
> The pomp and ceremony meant nothing to me. But Laurie wanted it, *and I place her happiness higher than pretty much everything but breathing*.


 Couldn't be easy to allow her Mom to handle & decide all the Wedding details like that..while you just forked the cash over...... but you held your tongue ~ for Love... Your wife (and kids) sound very blessed to have you in their lives Jakobi Greenleaf.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

Interlude: Where we get some back story, so the current state of the story makes sense. 

Laurie might disagree, but I would consider myself to be a damaged person. I think that I am a much better person than I have any right to be, but still, I am a damaged man. I had a less then stellar upbringing. I was abused and molested as a child. Thankfully I have very little memory of it. But the paperwork I've seen leads me to believe my mother should never have had kids. I was in three foster homes. Fortunately, all of us went. I was never separated from my siblings. We were all adopted by the third foster home. All told after adoption, I had five sisters and a brother. And of course the temporary foster kids. While I know that I am a much better man because of my being in that foster home, it was not a loving environment. I believe my adopted father to be a good man. With one exception, he is what I want to be when I grow up. My adopted mother was not a very good person. She wasn't physically abusive, but she had the mental part down. I saw a psychiatrist until most of the way through sixth grade. I can't remember a time far enough back to where I wasn't seeing him. My wife has never met my adopted mother. She died around the time Hunter was born I think. By that time I had been out of touch for at least a couple years. She has met my adopted father either once or twice. She has met all of my siblings and their children. I think there is a brother in law she hasn't met. She met my biological mother. If asked what she thought of her, she described her as scary. So family hasn't been good to me. My brother and his wife live with us, but that's all the family I have outside of my wife and kids. I'm happy with that though. By and large I think Laurie would agree. There are things that happen in life that had they happened any different, would completely change how things are today. My adoption was not one of them. I went from one last name no one can spell or pronounce to another last name no one can spell or pronounce. One thing I know that changed my life was criminal charges. They predate my knowing Laurie. It has made our lives difficult, and likely will for the rest of our lives. Despite that, if I could go back and change it, I wouldn't. I truly believe that had that not happened that I would not have met Laurie. Any hardship I have to endure will be happy carried. Plan 9 mentioned knowing what you have, and how long it takes some people to figure it out. I knew very early on. Communication has always been a flaw for me. This has caused some problems. Laurie has learned more about my childhood in the nine months that my brother has lived with us then she knew in the entire rest of our relationship. I've always refrained from talking about it. It's all in the past and there isn't anything any of us can do about it now. And talking about it would just bring her pain, so I dont talk about it. The problem arises when I don't talk about things that are relevant now. It's something I'm working on. 

To summarize in three sentences:
Life was hard as a child
Life, while still hard, is much better now 
I would trade a lifetime of than for a moment of now.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

So I'm getting some views, but not much in the way of response. Next part tomorrow night.


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## Coffee Amore

I hope you update this, Jakobi. I look forward to reading more of your story.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

@All: sorry for the delay. We are short a person at work, and work is where I TAM. My oldest has science camp this week and the two younger ones have birthdays this week. It's a busy time in the Jakobi household. 

Marriage: The early years 

I was married on Saturday October 11th 2003. On Monday October 13th I ruined my first wedding ring. I was working part time at Walmart and full-time on my father in laws lobster boat. On the last set of traps for the day I had my gloves off and I caught my ring on the wire of the trap and bent it pretty badly. It was a cheap ring, and we replaced it with another cheap one. I started wearing it around my neck at work. Under bad circumstances, that situation could've removed a finger. And my current one would almost certainly result in a nine fingered JohnBoy. My wife's parents were both a blessing and a curse. Working for family is hard. I try to separate my personal and professional lives. That's hard to do when your boss is family. My wife's parents were a large part of Hunters life early on. That was good for Laurie and I. We're were able to play husband and wife in addition to mom and dad. On the flip side, later on, Lauries mother would have a hard time letting go of Hunter. Hunter was about a year old when Laurie asked about having more kids. We come from opposite ends of the spectrum on this one. Laurie was an only child. I was adopted, and all told I had five sisters and a brother. She wanted more because she didn't want Hunter to be an only child like she was. I guess it could get to be pretty lonely. I wanted less children, because I know the value of being able to hear yourself think. I think it would be a disservice to my children to say that one of us won or lost in that discussion. Olivia's birth was surrounded by stressors. Prior to her birth I had a falling out of sorts with Lauries father. I said some things about his wife. Hindsight is a funny thing. I think at this point he would side with me about my thoughts at the time. However, looking back, he did the right thing in defending his wife, regardless of my right or wrongness. I had worked at Walmart for about two and a half years and was fired for something out of my control. 12 hours later Laurie went into labor. We were watching Iron Chef around 11 or midnight when her water broke. Olivia was delivered around 2am. In one of my lesser moments as a man, I called Lauries parents last to let them know about Olivias birth. I think around the time Olivia was six months old we moved. The easiest move I've been a part of. We stayed in the same building, we just went from the third floor to the first. The living room was small, but it had three bedrooms. And a washer/dryer hookup. For reasons I still am not sure of, Lauries parents were never particularly attached to Olivia. Hunter was two and a half when Olivia was born, and up until the time we moved 100 miles away they were a large part of Hunters life. I'm 2007 we decided it was in our best interest to buy a house. We weren't keen on paying rent, as we would never own the place. With a mortgage we would eventually own it. We also wanted to put some space between Lauries parents and us. I will pick up the story about the move and beyond next time. For now though, some thoughts. 
I feel like I am demonizing Lauries mother. She caused us no end of heartache. To this day, I think nothing would make her happier than for Laurie to divorce me and move home with the kids. I think that to her mother I represent freedom of a sort for Laurie. She is no longer the most important person in Lauries life, and I think that bothers her. I don't talk much about my parents. I think my adopted mother died around the time Hunter was born. By that time I hadn't spoken to her in at least a couple years. My biological mother died in 2007 before we bought the house. I went better than ten years total without speaking to my adopted father. I've never met my biological father. I talk about Lauries parents because they were a part of our lives. My family wasn't in our lives, so it's hard to say anything about them. Up through Olivia's birth, while we certainly didn't have a lot of money, life was mostly good. Her mother was problematic from time to time, but all told, life was good. I see the phrase duty sex used here at TAM. The only time I've ever felt like sex was a duty thing and not a live thing was when we tried to conceive. One of us read somewhere that it was best to have sex on an every other day basis. We had to have sex on the on day, and we couldn't have sex on the off day. I'm all for regular sex, and that was very regular. But the scheduling took something away from it. And each month when her period came it was disheartening. I must say though, that compared to most we were able to conceive quite easily. Hunter was the first time we had unprotected sex. Olivia took probably three months of trying. As much bad as I talk about Lauries mother, her involvement in Hunters early life allowed us to be a couple as well as parents. She will never know how much I appreciate that now, and I have no doubt that I took her for granted than. 
I was glad we had friends. There was another tenant where we lived that had a son a month older than Hunter. They ended up being good friends. After buying the house, Hunter had a classmate within easy walking distance and they became good friends. 
All in all, the early part of my marriage, along with the rest of it, was good.


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## Coffee Amore

Olivia is such a pretty name. All your children have lovely names. Having family watch the children is such a gift. It's good that you know understand Laurie's mother in ways you couldn't back then. Shows real personal growth.

Your comment about duty sex during the period you're trying to conceive brought back memories. 

Ahem..some clear paragraphs would help oldies who read this.. like SA.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

My two older children have first names after television characters. Hunter was named after a professional wrestler, and has the correct initials for it. Olivia was named after Olivia Benson from Law and Order: SVU. I like the names. I do feel bad for Jeremiah. He has a long name. 
I will work on the layout. I TAM using Tapatalk, so it's a virtual keyboard for me. It's slow and tedious. I find it most important to put pen to paper so to speak, and let the rest work itself out. 

So far as the mother in law goes, I know the whole story. I piecemeal it here, so everyone is quite far behind. It would be at least one more part before the worst stuff comes to light. I value the time that she afforded us by taking Hunter. I dislike that she had ulterior motives. Her sway over Hunter was a way to keep Laurie under her thumb. Much like with my own family, looking back I can appreciate what she did for me. At the time though, it was not fun. I still have much more growing to do on a personal level. I hope to get there one day. 
Simply Amorous: You are one of my favorite posters her. I will make efforts to make your participation here as easy as I can. 
I value everyone's input. It makes me feel like this is worth it. I shall make efforts to improve myself. Don't leave me.


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## Coffee Amore

Olivia Benson is a great character on TV. 

I was totally kidding about SA being old...she'll probably virtually smack me for saying it. But paragraphs help the readers.


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## SimplyAmorous

> *Jakobi Greenleaf said*
> *Laurie was an only child*. I was adopted, and all told I had five sisters and a brother. *She wanted more because she didn't want Hunter to be an only child like she was. I guess it could get to be pretty lonely.* I wanted less children, because I know the value of being able to hear yourself think. I think it would be a disservice to my children to say that one of us won or lost in that discussion.


 I SO understand your Wife here [email protected]#$% ...I too was an only child... ...when a little girl, we lived in a trailer court my Grandparents owned with lots of kids....this helped...great memories ..... when Grandpa died, they let that fold up.... they all moved away...

I always envied my friends who had siblings...I bet your wife felt this way also growing up.... I was even envious of bunk beds -how silly is that! 

I felt a part of my best friends family up the country road... I wanted that for my future....a big boisterous family..with all the chaos it brings. I used to enjoy watching "the Waltons" too. I think only children , especially women tend to feel this way, we feel we missed something...though it's pretty common to have just 1 or 2 today... 



> *Jakobi Greenleaf said*: *The only time I've ever felt like sex was a duty thing and not a live thing was when we tried to conceive*. One of us read somewhere that it was best to have sex on an every other day basis. We had to have sex on the on day, and we couldn't have sex on the off day. I'm all for regular sex, and that was very regular. *But the scheduling took something away from it. And each month when her period came it was disheartening.* I must say though, that compared to most we were able to conceive quite easily. Hunter was the first time we had unprotected sex. *Olivia took probably three months of trying.*


ONLY 3 MONTHS .... your wife was hardly infertile.....how about trying for near 7 yrs...(a good 80 months) ...this is how long it took for our 2nd... Conceiving our 1st was too EASY also ....a surprise an understatement....but this is your thread...

Never dreamed we'd have problems conceiving after that.... I read so much on *how to conceive*.... I knew every intricate detail about the  & the egg, timing, positions, alkaline / acidic environmente/ basal body temperature charts.....this is where my husband started to feel rejected because my mind was so focused on Conception/ those scheduled attempts...it WAS taking away from the passion....this was hurting my husband -but he never complained.... sad because I really LOVED  

I never read 1 book on the JOYS of Love making/ spicing, all that good stuff... because we got side tracked here ....or I should say *I DID*.. .in my desperate one tract minded quest for those 2 blue lines ... Eventually we had many tests (sperm, post coiltal, tubes, took clomid for 6 months, had a laparoscopy surgery -learned my tubes were kinked ...even scheduled for an Invitro attempt ..on that very month... got the 2 blue lines...felt like the heavens opened up - after all those years. 

So yeah....your Miss Olivia was a breeze at 3 months!

It all worked out ... we have this many today >  So thankful.



> As much bad as I talk about Lauries mother, her involvement in Hunters early life allowed us to be a couple as well as parents. *She will never know how much I appreciate that now, and I have no doubt that I took her for granted than*.


 Awe, it is always heart-warming to hear fences were mended - looking back, you can see how valuable she was all along..... that's wonderful....you can still tell her that someday though...she will be very touched by it ...



> *CoffeeAmore said*:Your comment about duty sex during the period you're trying to conceive brought back memories.
> 
> Ahem..some clear paragraphs would help oldies who read this.. like SA.


 I'm an oldie cause I have been a regular here for too long... though hitting the BIG 5 0 in a few yrs... I'd like to stop time ~Curse the birthdays. 



> *Jakobi Greenleaf said* :Simply Amorous: You are one of my favorite posters her. I will make efforts to make your participation here as easy as I can.
> I value everyone's input. It makes me feel like this is worth it. I shall make efforts to improve myself. Don't leave me.


Oh wow, Thank you Mr Greenleaf !


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

*Re: Re: A single step*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I SO understand your Wife here [email protected]#$% ...I too was an only child... ...when a little girl, we lived in a trailer court my Grandparents owned with lots of kids....this helped...great memories ..... when Grandpa died, they let that fold up.... they all moved away...
> 
> I always envied my friends who had siblings...I bet your wife felt this way also growing up.... I was even envious of bunk beds -how silly is that!
> 
> I felt a part of my best friends family up the country road... I wanted that for my future....a big boisterous family..with all the chaos it brings. I used to enjoy watching "the Waltons" too. I think only children , especially women tend to feel this way, we feel we missed something...though it's pretty common to have just 1 or 2 today...
> 
> 
> 
> ONLY 3 MONTHS .... your wife was hardly infertile.....how about trying for near 7 yrs...(a good 80 months) ...this is how long it took for our 2nd... Conceiving our 1st was too EASY also ....a surprise an understatement....but this is your thread...
> 
> Never dreamed we'd have problems conceiving after that.... I read so much on *how to conceive*.... I knew every intricate detail about the  & the egg, timing, positions, alkaline / acidic environmente/ basal body temperature charts.....this is where my husband started to feel rejected because my mind was so focused on Conception/ those scheduled attempts...it WAS taking away from the passion....this was hurting my husband -but he never complained.... sad because I really LOVED
> 
> I never read 1 book on the JOYS of Love making/ spicing, all that good stuff... because we got side tracked here ....or I should say *I DID*.. .in my desperate one tract minded quest for those 2 blue lines ... Eventually we had many tests (sperm, post coiltal, tubes, took clomid for 6 months, had a laparoscopy surgery -learned my tubes were kinked ...even scheduled for an Invitro attempt ..on that very month... got the 2 blue lines...felt like the heavens opened up - after all those years.
> 
> So yeah....your Miss Olivia was a breeze at 3 months!
> 
> It all worked out ... we have this many today >  So thankful.
> 
> Awe, it is always heart-warming to hear fences were mended - looking back, you can see how valuable she was all along..... that's wonderful....you can still tell her that someday though...she will be very touched by it ...
> 
> I'm an oldie cause I have been a regular here for too long... though hitting the BIG 5 0 in a few yrs... I'd like to stop time ~Curse the birthdays.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh wow, Thank you Mr Greenleaf !


Family size was a topic of discussion for Laurie and I. We come from opposite ends of the spectrum, so we wanted to find a middle ground. Jeremiah was the hardest. After Olivia, Laurie had an iud? And that lasts for five years. Near the end of the time she started talking about having one more. I resisted at first. We already had a boy and a girl, so I didn't see any reason to have another. Laurie used her womanly wiles on me and I relented. We conceived fairly easily once again. Laurie had a miscarriage at about ten weeks. That was hard on both of us. We did get back to it, and fairly quickly by my math. Olivia turned 8 on July 2nd, and Jeremiah turns 2 on the 8th. Given five years where she had the implant thing and the age gap, we must not have had much of a break. 

So far as the mother in law goes. While I can appreciate what she did for us, I find it extraordinary hard to believe she will ever be a part of our lives in the future. The fence was blown up, the bridges burned, and I'm sure there are many other cliches that could be used. The condensed version is that her mother drove a little better than 100 miles to harass me at home and her at work. She called what amounts to cps on me. As expected, there wasn't anything to be found. She was being malicious, and the end result was Laurie getting a restraining order against her mother. By all accounts, she blames me for everything, and has never made any effort to try and fix things. I truly believe that the ideal situation for the mother in law, in her eyes, would be for Laurie to divorce me and move home with the kids. Not going to happen. 

While I enjoy reading, I don't do much of what would be considered self help. I did read mmslp and 5LL. MMSLP isn't my cup of tea, and I think there is more to love and lust then Kay says. 5LL didn't come as a surprise. I've taken the test twice. As expected touch and time scored highly. I on the talk is cheap bandwagon, and my scores backs that up. I got 0 and 1 for scores. Laurie took the test with me once, and touch scored high for her as well. That works well for me, as touch is something I understand. I've never read a book about sex other than MMSLP, and I feel pretty safe in saying Laurie hasn't either. I really like ebooks, and they cost as much as a physical copy, so they are out of my price range. Maybe one day. 

Age is all in your head. I doubt I'll ever be older than about 14.


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## HeartbrokenW

Technically, I have 2 kids, but it was like having 2 only children. My son was 16 when my daughter was born, so he wasn't home much after she was born. They are pretty close despite the age gap. And they will have each other when I'm gone. As she gets older, I see them growing closer. She's now 13 and he's going to be 30 in a few months. Alot of similarities to an only child..but there's alot of normal family stuff too. Plus now I have grandchildren  Gotta love spoiling Grandchildren


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## Jakobi Greenleaf

Separation Anxiety 

In September of 2007 Laurie and I bought a house. We had looked for several months and found one we really liked. The price was at the top of our range, and most importantly, it was a couple hours away from where we were at the time. Lauries parents had never lived particularly far away, and at one point they were less than two miles from us. We wanted some space to be a family unit of our own. I believe it was 112 miles from the apartment we had to the house we bought. Certainly far enough away so the in laws visiting wouldn't be a weekly thing. Also close enough so that a visit was a one day ordeal. 
Laurie and the kids moved into the house two weeks ahead of me. I was working on a boat and I wanted to finish the season. Money was a little tight but we got by. Laurie was able to transfer her job. I ended up hopping around some. I worked sales and hated it. I ran a cnc machine. That was boring, but I liked it. I had a really good idea for improving a machine and submitted it. It was denied, but Laurie supported me. With an idea like that, they have to give credit to any others you submit she told me. She was right. She tends to be. I ended up losing that job, and I went to work at a lumber yard. Again, boring work. But I liked it. It was at this job that I got into audio books. I listened to the entire Harry Potter series, among others. Four ten hour days also left time to spend with the family. It was while we lived here that I reconnected with an old friend. We had kept in touch to some degree, but after high school he went to college and then moved to New York. He moved back to Maine while we were there. He ended up marrying a girl we went to school with. That is the most casual wedding I've ever been to. The important thing is that they are still happily married. 
I was happy to have a friend I saw on a regular basis. Laurie became good friends with his wife as well. 
There are a lot of little memories of those times. Somewhere is a picture of Olivia. She looked so disappointed that Hunter got to ride on the school bus and she didn't. She went to preschool the following year for half a day and got to ride home with Hunter in the afternoon. Hunter made a friend out of a boy one street over. They spent a lot of time together. Laurie and I were in a Walmart looking for a bathing suit for Olivia. I flipped out because all they had were two piece suits, and my three year old shouldn't look like a *****. I thought that we would get called by the school about Olivia. I managed to get her a pretty good (bad) potty mouth. JC I want a cheeseburger (she got it) and there's Hunters Fing school bus. It wasn't his bus, but I don't think she knew there was more than the one bus she saw in the morning. Hunter played soccer on a couple different teams. I don't think they tracked wins at that age. He had fun, and that's what counted. Most birthday parties were at a bowling alley. Olivia liked to roll four or five balls down the lane in a row. Not legal, but funny to see he roll one and go running for another as soon as she had let go of the last one. Turned out Hunter had a classmate with the same first and middle name as Olivia. 

But all is not rainbows and unicorns. I was laid off from the lumber yard. Over the next couple weeks everyone else was as well. I could draw unemployment, but it wasn't enough. We ended up filing for bankruptcy. I'd gotten in a car accident. I wasn't hurt at all, but it totaled the automobile. Although we do look back at that and laugh. Lauries mother became particularly problematic. We wanted to do something special for Hunter for his birthday. We set up a party at Chuck E Cheese. Lauries mother was not invited. She would've made the other guests uncomfortable. One versus many, and she was the one. She didn't take that we'll at all. We never tried to keep her away from Hunter on his birthday, only for the few hours during the party. I remember being in a Walmart, and Lauries mother calling six or seven times in a row. She drove from her house to mine and harassed me. I informed her that if she wouldn't leave of her own volition that I would call the police, and they could help her find the door. She left the house and drove to where Laurie worked. I was not there for the conversation, but Laurie tells me that the last thing her mother said was to hope she made it home alive. I'm glad she said that to Laurie and not me. Not because I wish it upon anyone, but because Laurie handled it better then I would have. We filed a police report about the incident. A few days later a social worker questioned Hunter at school and showed up at my house to question me. Lauries mom had called them. Laurie and I ended up with some paperwork, and through the blacked out part you could see where it said she called dhhs (cps) on us. I feel bad for the mediator. Laurie got about four words in, and her mother spent the whole time talking about what a bad person I am. For the record, my name doesn't appear in the paperwork for the restraining order. 

We moved again. The lawyer said we could stay in the house until the foreclosure, but we wanted a fresh start. We'd moved closer to her mother, but this time she didn't know where we were. We allowed her to send Hunter and Olivia gifts at Christmas and birthdays. But we gave he a non local post office box to ship to. This place ended up being pretty good. More on that next time, there are still a few things to touch on. 

Despite all the drama with her mother, the hardest part of living in that house, to me at least, was the miscarriage. Laurie had gotten pregnant, and she started bleeding. Bright red blood. I took her to the hospital and they did some checks. Said it didn't look good. I think she was between eight and ten weeks along. She ended up losing it. Considering how easy it had been to have the other two, I took it pretty hard. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for Laurie. 
At some point, Lauries parents divorced. Before the restraining order for sure, but I'm not sure when. Neither of us were surprised. I expected her parents to be divorcing any time when we first met. They were married for 16 years. 
Laurie and I know far more people who have been divorced then have stayed together. We are working hard to make sure we are not a part of divorce statistics. 
Distance makes no difference for some people. It's a solid two hours of highway driving to come harass us. Really? 
Kudos to the judge. Her mother wanted a physical address to send gifts to, and we offers two choices. Leave them with her ex husband, and we could get them at our leisure. Or send them to the post office box. The judge backed us. Even if she couldn't send large boxes to the post office box, we had complied with the letter of the law, and she could take it or leave it. 
Major kudos to Laurie. Getting a restraining order against your own mother must be very hard, but she stuck to her guns. 

More later, my hands are hurting, and there is unfortunately more to work then TAM.


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