# marriage in failure story...



## misery888 (Mar 7, 2011)

Hi everyone,
I just would like to share my story and hopefully someone else can relate to my experience.
I have been married to my wife for almost ten years,and we have a kid. I am just recently trying to go thru a process of divorce with my wife.
I married my wife initially not because of love, I married her coz I had a business venture that failed, and she helped me thru those times. Thus pressure from family, friends and my debt to her, I ended up marrying her, even though I know deep down inside I cannot keep up with her nor felt compatible with her.
Of course,our marriage from the start was a disaster,we argued almost every week. It does not help that she is what I call "high maintenance" and I cannot keep up with her wants in life. She is a very dominant woman as well, a bulldozer would be the right word to describe her.
In the marriage,I am not saying I am not at fault too. Due to the fact that there's little love for her,I was not as forgiving to her when it comes to petty arguments. 
Also, probably due to lack of love to her, she develops a tendency to gravitate towards material goods or friends who are rich (most of them are rich due to inheritance).
I did decide to call off the marriage early on,but when our kid was born,I kept on going... To add salt to the injury,I gave all my money to her for her to manage and hopefully grow to a point whereby we can afford the dream house she wants,but she lost a bulk of it on investments, and now the rest of the money she is not willing to split with me, and now I ended up starting from zero again, with monthly alimonies to pay.
I am a smart and highly capable person,but my unhappiness dragged me down and cause me to lost hope in everything I do. I realize that my happiness is my responsibility, and in order to be successful,I need to be happy. She accused me of being a selfish person, and I agree, I am not a selfless person. I know that ultimately divorce is going to hurt her more than it did to me. But I do not have much choices. A lot of wise people told me that love is not a feeling, but a choice that we make. Ok, I think I still do not understand it. My choice now is that I can either bow down to her and let her dominate my life again while I "force" myself to love her, OR we can go separate ways and try to be happy in our own lives. Here is the funny part, I never pursued her in the beginning and it was her that pursued me, and yet during the marriage, she made it seem that she is already "lowering" her standard of lifestyle with me and it is already a sacrifice that she made. I am not a good debater, but something in my stomach says that I got cheated. By the way, our standard of living still means we get to eat in expensive restaurants a few times in a month, it is just that I cannot afford those thousand dollars European handbags thats all.
I try to seek answers in church, but as usual, they go by the book and say divorce is taboo. Deep down inside, I believe that there is such a thing called true love, and it is not based on physical attractiveness, but rather 2 hearts connecting as one. I am not experiencing it at all. Maybe there was a nanosecond in our lives whereby if we both make the right changes, and thru the butterfly effect it would have worked, but even then, I felt that we did not have a strong foundation. I once had a goal that while growing up, I want to make people around me happy, and yet I ended up hurting someone really bad. Again, I know this may not be the best option but right now my choice is to build up my life first by myself and if I succeed financially, I do not mind sharing a part of it with her, but emotionally, I do not think I can be with her anymore.
Maybe if someone who is going thru similar things that I am going thru can share their experiences as well. Thanks.


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