# Ready for change



## ready4change (Aug 5, 2015)

Just like my name says, I've come to that point. I met my husband when I was 17, he was 21, we married 3 and a half years later and it's now 42 years later and it's over. 
We haven't slept in the same bed for months now, had sex once, and barely speak. I'm fed up with him always treating me like I'm stupid, talking down to me, disrespecting me. He took all of the money that his parents left to him (which he said would be our retirement savings) and bought a $92,000 car. Now we struggle every month to make ends meet. My mistake has always been giving in to every thing he wanted because I loved him and wanted him to be happy. He was and still is the only man I've ever been with. But I'm done. I want to find someone to make ME feel good about ME. 
Problem is, I don't know where or how to start. I've told him that we should sell the house, he can keep both cars (and car payment) and I'll take over the credit cards because I'm the one who made the bills (mostly just buying groceries and necessities), but he never used the charge cards. He had no reply. 
Please give me advice on how and where to start. I'm miserable.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

So you are late 50's?


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

First of all you need to see a lawyer for a consultation. With no kids to worry about it may be simple. 
Plus you may get alimony. 

As for car, you need a car to get around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mamadcp (Apr 6, 2015)

Pray for strength ..... There IS someone out there who will love you just the way you are! Don't look back! What a great and strong woman for making the decision .... I'm afraid in 20 years I'll be in your shoes


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

ready4change said:


> Just like my name says, I've come to that point. I met my husband when I was 17, he was 21, we married 3 and a half years later and it's now 42 years later and it's over.
> We haven't slept in the same bed for months now, had sex once, and barely speak. I'm fed up with him always treating me like I'm stupid, talking down to me, disrespecting me. He took all of the money that his parents left to him (which he said would be our retirement savings) and bought a $92,000 car. Now we struggle every month to make ends meet. My mistake has always been giving in to every thing he wanted because I loved him and wanted him to be happy. He was and still is the only man I've ever been with. But I'm done. I want to find someone to make ME feel good about ME.
> Problem is, I don't know where or how to start. I've told him that we should sell the house, he can keep both cars (and car payment) and I'll take over the credit cards because I'm the one who made the bills (mostly just buying groceries and necessities), but he never used the charge cards. He had no reply.
> Please give me advice on how and where to start. I'm miserable.


42 years. Wow a long time:|. Yes some major changes after the same things for so long. And your first love:frown2:. You would think after all this time he would have some sort of reply.

I wish you well in your new life and your new beginnings


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

42 years is a long time to spend with someone and then walk away. Wouldn't it be better to get MC first and try and see if you can change the rules of the marriage first before walking away? Your H is around 60+ and is probably shell shocked and does not know what to say. 

My guess is that you have contributed to how the boundaries of the marriage were set, a spouse does not suddenly become selfish and it is never too late to change. We sometimes teach our spouses how they should treat us as we let them away with selfishness, talking down to us etc. MC might help you both in this. If he is unwilling to see your point of view, get MC etc then make your move


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

Hi Ready4 Sorry you are having to go through this. Stay strong and hold on. Good Luck


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

I think we need to know more about your situation. Do you both work. About the way he treats you was it always like this and if not when did it start. Some men do this to compensate for their own failings. 
About the money he spent, it was his and I suppose it was the first time he had so much money so he just couldnt keep it.
You dont mention kids or tell us what he thinks about separating.


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