# Should a spouse be a best friend? Why?



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Okay, this is going to maybe be one of those differences between males and females thread but maybe not what you think.

I have noticed that a relatively modern view of marriage is that a husband or wife is supposed to be your best friend. My view from middle aged male is this:

When the couple is younger, the female needs all that emotional intimacy and demands of the man to be her "best friend", her confidant, her everything. Often the guy, at let's say 28 years old, is like, "Huh? When's sex?" and thus relationship problems develop.

In the senior years of marriage, I have noticed the man, not often developed friendships himself or having lost them over the years, all of the sudden now becomes clingy to the wife to the point that when he retires, he drives her insane and she's looking for him to engage in another line of work just to get him out of the house.

Of course, he just wants to be with his "best friend."

So. . .what's the deal. . .do women and men put to much pressure on the institution of marriage adding deep friendship (vs. partnership) to the mix?

Should a marriage be a friendship or a partnership?

I mean, of course, I applaud when there's both. My best friend has a marriage that is definitely both and there is a high level of happiness there. But are perhaps a lot of divorces initiated when this expectation, reasonable or unreasonable, is not fulfilled?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> Should a marriage be a friendship or a partnership?
> 
> I mean, of course, I applaud when there's both. My best friend has a marriage that is definitely both and there is a high level of happiness there. But are perhaps a lot of divorces initiated when this expectation, reasonable or unreasonable, is not fulfilled?


I think everybody/every marraige is different- with varying expectations. So it may not be necessary for every couple to acheive this "best friend" status, and they are perfectly fine with it. I think it becomes a problem if ONE of them expects that from the start -where the other doesn't or starts feeling left out, neglected when a spouse moves in closer to someone else. 

I could site a few situations I know of: One, the wife was spending all of her time with a girlfriend, the husband did not take this too well, it caused big problems , eventually the girlfriend had to go , now their marraige is better, but from hearing her talk, the wife seems to miss this girlfriend & have more emotion about her being gone, than she ever mustered up for her husband. So they still struggle. 

I know another couple where his buddy comes over all the time, hangs out, she is glad so he is out of her hair (her words). They seem very happily married, coulple kids, but I get the impression, they are not glued at the hip, so the best friends scenio would be questionable to me. Her best friend might be her mother. 

Now Me & my husband are absolutely & have always been "Best Friends", since we met in our teens in fact. Never wavered. I can never site a time where I put a girlfriend or a relative above him (except my kids). True, our sex life suffered some as expressed in above post, but I don't feel 
it had anything at all to do with being "too close", it was other things going on, other stresses of life. 

One might say we are both clingy to our spouse, but for us, this works well. I am Very Happy he is this way, he very rarely gets on my nerves & feels the same about me.
But if we were married to someone else, we could very well be "smothering". 

I am one who had that "expectation" -that my future husband would be my Best friend - for life. I am so happy to have found that in life.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

My husband is my best friend and vice versa....but I don't think best friends has to mean - " i have to spend all my time with you because you are my best friend" - I take it to mean that yes you enjoy spending time together and you can sit comfortably in silence as well  - but that doesn't mean you don't go out and do things with your other friends. I go out with my girlfriends (and yes I have a best girlfriend). I also take it to mean that you have a comfort level with this person that you don't typically have with anyone else. You can talk about anything with them and know you want be judged. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is - my spouse as my best friend doesn't equal the child hood equivalent of a best friend - attached at the hip....ya know?


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## Lovelife1231 (Jul 23, 2010)

TNgirl232 said:


> My husband is my best friend and vice versa....but I don't think best friends has to mean - " i have to spend all my time with you because you are my best friend" - I take it to mean that yes you enjoy spending time together and you can sit comfortably in silence as well  - but that doesn't mean you don't go out and do things with your other friends. I go out with my girlfriends (and yes I have a best girlfriend). I also take it to mean that you have a comfort level with this person that you don't typically have with anyone else. You can talk about anything with them and know you want be judged.
> 
> I guess what I'm trying to say is - my spouse as my best friend doesn't equal the child hood equivalent of a best friend - attached at the hip....ya know?


Tngirl232 - i COMPLETELY agree w you. I've been married for 9 yrs and although, we've had our ups and down, i feel that for the past 2yrs we've kind of taken our friendship to a higher level. It feels good!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TNgirl232 said:


> My husband is my best friend and vice versa....but I don't think best friends has to mean - " i have to spend all my time with you because you are my best friend" - I take it to mean that yes you enjoy spending time together and you can sit comfortably in silence as well  - but that doesn't mean you don't go out and do things with your other friends. I go out with my girlfriends (and yes I have a best girlfriend). I also take it to mean that you have a comfort level with this person that you don't typically have with anyone else. You can talk about anything with them and know you want be judged.


 Believe me , I agree with all of this too. I have some close friends, male & female who I share just about everything with & we go out too, they come here, we have the "Party" property, I even share who I am on this forum with them. No big deal, No judgements. We both have good friends to count on. Always. 

I guess I just *PREFER* being with my husband over any of my girlfriends -for the most part, and always have. And my husband is thankful I feel this way. 

I also know if I was married to a guy that wanted to hang with his buddies (alone) a little too often, It would probably eat at me. I would be desiring more of his time. So I am thankful he is the way he is too. We generally hang out with friends more as a couple than separately. 

There is always a nice balance we need in marraige. I will admit we are probably more to the "extreme' in togetherness than the average married couple.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Oh us too! We go out maybe 1 or 2 times a month by ourselves and then the rest of the time its us or us and friends. He got an offer to go out the other night after work but we had a 'date night' so he told them he had a better offer. When they asked who, he said my wife. One guy was like "you really think spending time with your wife is a better offer....any chance I get to be out without mine I grab" - peoples is just different.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I think it's the definition of best friend that confuses people when trying to figure that out. I think some people tend to look at it with that schoolkid mentality, of that one friend that you spent most of your time with, and when someone asked who your best friend was, that was who you named. 

I think yes, a spouse should be your best friend. But not in that schoolkid, spend-all-my-time-with-him way. My boyfriend (who will be my husband one day) is my best friend. He's someone I know I can go to with any problem, any question, any statement, theory, whatever, and he will listen, help, advise, or kill for me. He will do anything he can to help me, he will spend time with me and do things for and with me. 

Even so, I do still have a best friend outside of our relationship, as does he. These people are also people that we can go to with whatever and they'll listen, spend time with us and do things for and with us. But...the lengths they'll go to for us aren't quite the same. They'll help us bury the bodies, sure, but they might ask a question or two while they do it. lol 

I think a spouse should be a best friend, but it's still important to have a really close friend outside the relationship, too. Sometimes your partner does something that just drives you nuts, and you just really need to talk to someone else about it. That's what that outside friend is for.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well, I am going to go against the populist opinion here and say perhaps a spouse neither should nor neither should not be a best friend. I think it's an optional trait of a marriage.

A friend - yes. A lover - definitely. A partner - absolutely.

Someone you love - absolutely. . .someone you can come home to and discuss child-rearing, finances, household maintenance and improvement, sex, etc. Set goals with, look out for each other, etc. They should be the first to be called in an emergency as a partner.

But I don't know. . .I wonder if marriages have too much pressure in that the couple kind of socially isolates themselves from forming deep, meaningful bonds with the same sex.

I know what you are thinking - well, didn't you just describe a friendship? No, I am describing a husband or a wife, I think.

I think if you don't emotionally diversify yourself, you invest all your emotional eggs into one basket, you put too much pressure on the other spouse to be that everything and I am not sure male or female is up to the task. Certainly men are not as hard wired up front in the marriage.

But. . .what do I know? I have had a failed marriage and it could be from this partially so this is why I am exploring my opinion and it's open to morphing.

I do remember at the beginning of my marriage it absolutely eating alive my wife that I would talk to my friend about certain things first and not talk to her. It wasn't like I was hiding things but maybe I would seek his opinion first. Maybe it was just because I was used to it, not sure. It was as if I had to tell her everything and she had to be #1 council (should a spouse be #1 council?) . But I had to watch what I said too. . .anything I said wrong. . .it could hurt her feelings too. It was an eggshell marriage for a long time in that regard.

The friendship did fall by the wayside for years because of that tension and it has been nice to renew it again in divorce.

But this may be a key part of admitting a mistake I made in marriage - not making her #1 council and having to have her fight for that position and knock a good friend down off that totem pole. In my defense, I didn't go to him for everything. . .just certain things I felt comfortable with asking him. I'll admit, I didn't even think about it. . .whether she would have been hurt that I sought his council first.

But thanks, you give me food for thought. I am not dead-set on my position.


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## kiwigirl (Mar 29, 2010)

my husband is the person im closest too and knws me better than anyone in the world, but id go crazy if i didnt see my friends or atleast one of them atleast every 2-3 days. im very social and could never be one of those couples that jst hang out by themselves or only do things with other people together


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Spouse should be best friend. Doesn't mean only friend though.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> I do remember at the beginning of my marriage it absolutely eating alive my wife that I would talk to my friend about certain things first and not talk to her. It wasn't like I was hiding things but maybe I would seek his opinion first. Maybe it was just because I was used to it, not sure. It was as if I had to tell her everything and she had to be #1 council (should a spouse be #1 council?)



I think in your situation, unfortunetly, your wife was one of those who "expected" & was Hurt that she was not your #1 you came too -with everything you had on your mind, was feeling, questioning. Not all women are like this though. 

I personally wouldn't care who , why or when my husband would talk to his friends about anything, no eggshells here in the least!! but Yeah, I would probably be upset if I felt he didnt come to me about the same stuff, especially if personal in nature, shortly after. 

Friendships outside of marraige are Valuable/irreplaceable, we NEED them & should ALWAYS take care to nurish them, set aside time for them !! I agree we should NEVER allow ourselves to be so exclusive, as if something happens to our spouse , we have nowhere to turn, no bonding relationships to fall back on -other than family. That is not healthy at all for living. 

I do feel though, that one needs to be careful, when being irritated with our spouse, to instead run to a trusted friend 1st & pour out our hearts-instead of trusting our spouse with our feelings, whether angry, hurt or just irritated.

I can only think of 1 time in my marraige where I royally screwed up in this regard: Once my husband reached out to me with his feelings/desires about something, which I guess was not easy for him to do, I took it So casually, Not sure where my head was at (!!). I remember being a little irritated & what did I do >>>> I ran to a girlfriend to talk about it, he overheard ME on the phone, I guess this HURT HIM SOOO DEEPLY that I did this! I took something so personal & valuable *to him * & just spewed this out to a girlfriend, seeking Her thoughts, insight. He never shared how deeply this affected him - until years later -when I was asking him ALOT of sexual questions - the why's I had to initiate so much with him - when he wanted SO much more. 

So I have learned from this, even some MEN (though I am sure so much more RARE) would even feel hurt if we take something very personal/deeply shared feelings & run to a trusted friend before acknowleding/settling the feelings of your partner 1st.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think in your situation, unfortunetly, your wife was one of those who "expected" & was Hurt that she was not your #1 you came too -with everything you had on your mind, was feeling, questioning. Not all women are like this though.
> 
> I personally wouldn't care who , why or when my husband would talk to his friends about anything, no eggshells here in the least!! but Yeah, I would probably be upset if I felt he didnt come to me about the same stuff, especially if personal in nature, shortly after.
> 
> ...


I don't think you should go to an outside friend with something that is really personal or a big deal. As you learned, it hurts them. But I do think there are times when talking to an outside friend is better than talking to the spouse. For example, let's say your spouse has a habit of...oh, I don't know, leaving the cap off the toothpaste. This drives you absolutely nuts. You need to vent about how it's making you crazy, but you also know that if you tell him/her, he/she is just going to get upset and you'll end up fighting. And it's not something worth fighting about. So...you go to your outside friend, you rant for a few minutes about how your spouse is driving you nuts with the whole toothpaste thing, and then you feel better. And, if you're lucky, the friend is smart enough or close enough or whatever that they can help you figure out a way to approach your spouse about putting the cap on the toothpaste without it causing a fight. 

That's a really silly example, but it was the best I could come up with this early in the morning. 

I do agree that there are some things that should stay within the relationship. There are some things that my boyfriend has told me that I would never, ever in a million years share with someone else. And I've told him things that I know he'll never share with someone else. We both know how personal and intimate those things were, and we would never betray the other's trust like that. But, I do also think that sometimes, it's not a bad thing to explore your feelings with someone other than your spouse. If you're feeling there's a problem, but you're not sure how to define it or who's causing it, sometimes it could be better to talk to another trusted friend, before going to your spouse. If it turns out there is no problem, or that your feelings are just a passing thing, you might not want to hurt your spouse by expressing those feelings to them. It could do more damage than good. That's not to say you should never talk to your spouse about how you feel, or that you should always go to someone else first. But...sometimes you just know that telling them how you feel might not be the best idea, or at least not yet.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, I suppose you are all right. . .I could change my opinion on the whole matter.

I don't know why I went to my friend over her sometimes in the beginning. . .I think my thinking was,

"Well, for this, I would ask my wife. . ." for this. . ."I would ask my friend." And no, it wasn't stuff as mundane like, "Which saucepan to use for dinner" for my wife and "What investments should we make this year?" with my friend (although my friend and I loved to talk investments and business).

As almost as a regular forumite would, back then, pre-internet, I think I would just poll different people to see what they thought, almost in internet fashion vs. really not thinking about what it meant to go to someone first over the spouse, that it meant something between the lines (maybe it did - I don't think it did, but maybe it did).

Someone once said it is the Libra in me - we gather all opinions, weigh the evidence and opinions, and make a decision (or not, lol) and that I didn't mix with a Virgo in this regard (if you believe that hullabalooey - I only beleive for entertainment purposes  ).

Well, this is probably one of the valuable things about not getting in a serious relationship post-divorce - time to reflect on past mistakes. I could have seen myself repeating that one had I not thought about it. I think it would be something I should be conscious of in the future.

PS: I don't think I ever but one time shared a personal thing regarding my wife with a friend in an insensitive manner. I was more talking about day to day stuff and decisions. I did very much regret the first time I did that too.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Wife "was" my best friend. Hard to deal with losing both your spouse and "best friend" at once. Not sure how to do it differently, but over the years I've definitely sacrificed friendships to build a closesness in my marriage that is no longer there.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The simple answer is yes, your spouse should be your best friend. But you only need to scratch the surface to recognize that the answer isn't always simple.

There is a difference between a spouse that feels occasionally marginalized because they aren't consulted, and a spouse that consistently feels threatened by the belief that you value your external relationships more than your marriage. One is a hiccup, the other a heart attack.

Additionally there is a substantial difference between desiring the give and take of an interaction with your spouse, who may, and almost certainly will have particular bias based upon the subject versus the detached perspective of a friend.

Overall, I think this is one of those innocuous sort of perceptions that everyone presumes - but when it comes to the practice of maintaining your friendship with your spouse, lets face it, we often screw the pooch right along with everything else.

Still comes down to your communication dynamic and level of personal comfort in the relationship.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Actually, this subject has paralleled on a lot of threads it piqued my interest so much.

I should give credit where credit is due but I think toolate said it well, or at least my view of marriage and friendship.

The sexuality, the "mating", that two mates do together should nuture the friendship and allow it to grow over the years vs. the other way around. . .the friendship somehow should be expected to make each other more sexual. 

Of course, sexuality is just one dimension, maybe the most important dimension of marriage. "Best" friendship is an optional dimension. But the other aspects of marriage could be applied to this as well as sexuality - child-rearing, division of labor, finances, etc.

I don't think it works that way IMO.


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## BrooksPublicationCom (Jun 29, 2010)

Hi,

To me a best friend means:

1) Someone you trust with your most inner 
thoughts.

2) They are your greatest encourager.

3) They are in your corner during good times 
and not so good times.

4) You can share your hopes and dreams with them
and they not think you are foolish.

5) You do not have to be on guard with them.

6) They are a sounding board.

7) They do not keep score.

8) They Listen to you.

9) They keep you on track.

10)There are no secrects between you. 

11)They offer solutions not judgement.

12 They know your strenghts and weak points
and they do not take advantage of them.

13)They have your best interest in their heart.

14 We are at ease when we are around each other.

15) They make me laugh.

So yes,I want my spouse to me my best friend.

The Very Best To You,
Brooks


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## Tiredofeggshells (Sep 20, 2010)

Actually, this differentiating between friendship and marriage has been a recent point of contention between me and my girlfriend (future wife). She enjoys the romantic idea of saying "I am in love with my best friend." and freaks out when I don't reply with that same confidence.

Just today, we spent some time with my roommate's girlfriend who responded with instant enthusiasm that she was "in love with her best friend" and again, I looked like the jerk for disagreeing. She claimed that she thought it was special to think that even if the romantic part was taken out of their relationship she and her boyfriend still have the connection that comes from being "best friends." 

That's the girl's view. Now here's the opinion of the disagreeing boyfriend: I told my girlfriend that I love her more than anyone I've ever met in my life (that part's not news to her ) and that because of that, I considered her more special than and thought of her more highly than any "best friend" I've ever had or will ever have. What's more is that I thought that referring to her as "best friend" would undermine the closeness of our relationship and oversimply our feelings for each other.

More than just affecting our relationship, I believed this "in love with my best friend" statement undermines best friend relationships in life. I suggested that a "best friend" is someone who has had similar experiences and common interest who you can share experiences with and be openly vulnerable when necessary. While I think these are all important things in any marriage, I don't think of my girlfriend as "my bestee" since a friend's role is fairly unchanging, the role that my girlfriend has played in my life seems ever-changing. Also, she lacks the connection felt between men in the sense of brotherhood and connection which many would call "bromance" but is really just men connecting in ways that women are physically capable of connecting with. It is for this reason that I do not personally believe that people of opposite genders can be "best friends" at least in my definition.

That is my view. It is defined but it is not a life or death issue to me and I don't really think of it as some great wall of separation we have to overcome in our relationship. I told her that I don't think of her as being wrong just because she says "she's in love with her best friend" I've just let her know that my view of that subject is slightly different. After all, everything listed above is just my opinion which is only one way of looking at it.


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## Randall (Nov 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Believe me , I agree with all of this too. I have some close friends, male & female who I share just about everything with & we go out too, they come here, we have the "Party" property, I even share who I am on this forum with them. No big deal, No judgements. We both have good friends to count on. Always.
> 
> I guess I just *PREFER* being with my husband over any of my girlfriends -for the most part, and always have. And my husband is thankful I feel this way.
> 
> ...



My wife and I used to be like this. Think that's why things are rough on me now because she has changed. We have always worked at the same place, did everything together. Pretty much our days we were never apart.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband and I are soul mates. 

I am very glad that we are soul mates and lovers!!!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

my h and i always wanted to be friends, the very first phone call was non-stop talking. almost 20 years later...still cant shut up...we are talking right now about this movie we are not watching.

we are pretty much joined at the hip and if you see one of us, the other is not far behind. our peoples dont understand this, but we just have so much fun and we like the samethings, and since we both know the same people...

we grew up with single moms who said they tolerated the sperm donars to have us and now they couldnt be bothered by them. so we wanted someone who would like us for us.

my h has to be my bff or what was the point of getting together and having kids? if i couldnt tell him everything that happened in my day? 

its like when people say thats not the married people are "supposed" to act. i dont fully understand what that means. to me your spouse is the only person you can really talk to. open up to, friends sure but you dont live with them, so they dont really know you, but h/w does and loves you anyway.

they take care of you when your sick. they let you beat them at video games. they take your side over the parents, and friends. they watch movies with you they other wise would not pick. and they make the most wonderful sandwiches, and the worst eggs, and you eat either without a word of difference.

if spouse isnt best friend...what a unfun time..

*if your spouse is not your best friend then who is, and why??*


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I think my boyfriend is definitely my best friend. I think for me, friendship isn't always about a shoulder to cry on or even emotional support. It's about having a similar sense of humor, some inside jokes, being able to tease each other because you know each other so well. In that sense, it's important that I share these things with my future spouse! I can't imagine having more inside jokes with someone else, or more funny memories. That said, I think it's important to respect gender differences in a relationship...I can't always eat chocolate and cry about my problems to him for hours like I would with my best girl friend. In fact, I can't ever do that with him haha. But I don't expect that from him; I think where problems occur is when the woman thinks that chocolate/crying is part of the best friend job, while their husband doesn't agree. The definition of "best friend" varies considerably.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> So. . .what's the deal. . .do women and men put to much pressure on the institution of marriage adding deep friendship (vs. partnership) to the mix?
> 
> Should a marriage be a friendship or a partnership?


I don't understand this. What is "partnership" if not at least part friendship?


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## smllngdy (Nov 29, 2010)

My husband says I'm his best friend but he is not mine. He won't do the things I enjoy doing. I try to give him one to three hours a day doing what he enjoys doing. He will not give me one hour a week. He states he doesn't like the things I enjoy therefore he will not participate in them. He says I like doing what he enjoys even though I have told him that I'm not fond of them

I don't know if we should be best friends but I know that we are not. My best friends are all women.


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

Randall said:


> My wife and I used to be like this. Think that's why things are rough on me now because she has changed. We have always worked at the same place, did everything together. Pretty much our days we were never apart.


Wow...this question is a HUGE piece of my marriatal bliss...or not so bliss now. We were what we labled as best friends. Connect at the hip like some here. At age 22, he 33, we did and went every where together. It was to point we were together some how and time throughout each day 7 days a week. Then at age 24 I moved in. Again, always together, never went apart. I had no other outside friendships and his friends became mine. If the 'guys' invited him like to races and such...I went along.

Now, 18 yrs later (married 12) I feel it's the worst thing we could have done. As now I've grown. Grown through marriage, through loss of a child, grown being a mom, grown through losing a very close dad, grown through jobs, just grown all around and finding after these years passed, I miss and regret NOT having an outside best friend, or friendships in general. H feels we should be each other's best friends...that is what completes us there should be no need for outsiders, as he puts it. He is perfectly content that if I am the only one he sees and is with day in and out, no outside friends/contact...he is perfectily fine and content with that. I am not. Not now. I envy the whole girly best friendship thing. 

Sadly, in counseling, I've learned I never had this growing up to begin with. I was ask who is one childhood friend that impacted me. I became a deer in headlights. Nothing. Not one single soul came to mind. Why? Because my relationships, boyfriends, and husband, became my life every time. I worshiped and put everyone of them on a pedestal. Making them my best friend for those times of my life. I believed the one you loved had and should be your best friend and on other. Now...I deeply and painfully regret it all. We have couple friends, yet the are all of his age and the one couple that is not, that is of my age, he doesn't like to go around very often. They are doing things all the time and we skip out on about 60%. Sadly enough, even when we got married, I had no one to ask as maide of honor. It came down to the 'older couples' we met dancing as to who we should ask. He had/has a very close friend and he didn't even ask him to be best man. He felt it the maid of honor and best man should be the 'married couple' we chose since I had no one else. I look at wedding pictures and laugh as those peoplel we rarely see and they were 20yrs older than me, 10 than H. 

H will 'allow' me to have outside friends, as long as they are under his terms, his liking, his acceptance. Otherwise, the comment is made to me..."if you need to go out to be happy go...but I will have some decisions to make". Really? So very sad. 

I feel our H's should develope into a best friendship of communicaiton, able to tell each other anything without critizing, judging, etc. but IMO feel it's only healthy and your only able to have that, as long as you have outside best friends as well from the very beginning. Otherwise...eventually, even if years later, you will regret and realize (especially once a child is involved) there is no going back and no going forward with what you what you missed. It's just done, dead and gone.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

My husband and I are best friends but I have many best friends with my childhood friend from high school still being very close with me. I think of it like a network of support. I value both opinions and trust both with all my heart. In this way, I feel very supported and it goes both ways.

Funny thing...we had Thanksgiving with my biological family on Thursday but then had Thanksgiving II with my three closest girlfriends on Saturday. I am very close to them. My husband was the only man there. He's quiet and careful when around so much estrogen. 

Anyway, my answer is yes they should be both your best friend, partner (sexual, emotional, physical, etc).


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