# Is this Considered cheating?



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My H is traveling and I am High Drive, even with medication with a side effect of lowering drive. My H will not sext me.....I've tried sexting him...it comes to me naturally...I've never ever had a problem in this department. I'm good at using my phone for pics as well, but he does not react to them if I send them. 

I don't know how to start this conversation with him without him getting hurt and upset....But I am resorted to looking at porn...... I'd rather he send me pics of himself, but he would never do that. I regularly view porn...I need pictures, He might think its a form of cheating....so don't know how to tell him I need a sexual relationship while hes gone.

We have facetime, we have skype, we have imessage, pic message......but he will have no online sexual relationship wth me......

He is traveling long term with no end date.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

How old are you two? Been married long? Kids? 

Has he always been shy/standoffish with sex - even face to face?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Could it be b/c his sexual energies are focused elsewhere? I don't know any guy that would turn down that kind of stuff from their woman.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

vi_bride04 said:


> Could it be b/c his sexual energies are focused elsewhere? I don't know any guy that would turn down that kind of stuff from their woman.


:iagree: :iagree:

He's expending his sexual energy elsewhere, as you know. That's why he doesn't sext with you.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> He's expending his sexual energy elsewhere, as you know. That's why he doesn't sext with you.


Yup ... makes sense. Lots and lots of sense. 
Time to face reality mourn for a bit. Then find a new and better life. In a few years you'll wonder why you even bothered.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

It's none of our business judging whether watching porn and rubbing one out is cheating or not. You can look at all the porn threads that already exist in here to see the two sides. The important thing is what the two of YOU agree is cheating. Talk to him. Tell him that this is what you feel you need to survive a long distance relationship. Looking for permission on the Internet is no different than someone looking for justification to hook up on a ONS. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I talked to my H about it and told him I look
At porn. He said that's what's wrong with my computer. I actually only look
At pics right now onu phone. So then I asked him if he still looked at porn cause many years ago he admitted it. He says not that much anymore. 

So now I'm fed up.....no more guilt fur me when I know he's watching porn and probably cheating too.....but I know he does t want a divorce. I've asked him if we could have an open marriage a few times in the near last. He's always reacted badly.

I suspect he wants the good innocent wife to stick around not cheating and he can do what he wants. 

No more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> I talked to my H about it and told him I look
> At porn. He said that's what's wrong with my computer. I actually only look
> At pics right now onu phone. So then I asked him if he still looked at porn cause many years ago he admitted it. He says not that much anymore.
> 
> ...


Gawd I hope you mean this. This guy has been having his cake and eating it too for SO bloody long.

You KNOW he is still cheating on you. You KNOW it. Divorce his ass NOW. You keep saying 'now isn't a good time' and variations of it. Just DO it.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> So now I'm fed up.....*no more guilt fur me when I know he's watching porn and is definitely cheating too*.....but I know he does t want a divorce. I've asked him if we could have an open marriage a few times in the near last. He's always reacted badly.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There, I fixed it for you

I hope you are done. You have enabled this behavior far too long with your H.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> The important thing is what the two of YOU agree is cheating.


Cheating isn't one of those things that can be arbitrarily defined by one or both the parties.

If it involves sex with others, whether real, virtual, texted, or otherwise, and it's done without the knowledge and consent of the other party, then it's cheating.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm done being the good wife, while he goes out and cheats......I'm leting my marriage go where ever its going to go.....


But the thing is My H has told me He will not let anyone take me away from him.......

I'm tired of being his prisoner.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

totamm said:


> Cheating isn't one of those things that can be arbitrarily defined by one or both the parties.
> 
> If it involves sex with others, whether real, virtual, texted, or otherwise, and it's done without the knowledge and consent of the other party, then it's cheating.


I tried to talk to him about what our boundaries are and I was met with WTF is up with you and thanks for ruining my night and I'll talk to next week.

I'm done......I've been falling out of love with him for a while, ,Been wanting someone to have fun with. Been wanting to be free so to speak...I do love him so much though, but I'm sure hes cheating and if I ask for a divorce he will use it all against me just like before. 

I've been wanting my marriage to work because of having 3 kids with special needs, but now more nad more I have been thinking screw it all!!! I do want the bankrupcy done and my car paid off before I divorce though, but now I guess I'll just let the marriage go where ever its going to go


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

What do you mean good wife? 

Both of you cheated on each other so the blame for the toxic relationship you have falls at both your feet, not just his.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Kasler said:


> What do you mean good wife?
> 
> Both of you cheated on each other so the blame for the toxic relationship you have falls at both your feet, not just his.


When I read this I was like "wtf is this person talking about!"?

Then I read the back posts and that one little detail emerged.

You're BOTH cheaters. 

You both deserve what you're going to get out of this marriage.

Nothing.

Gotta love it when posters write their story from the victim mentality standpoint and all the support and sympathy starts flowing it.. how about saying in the first post of every thread you start that you cheated on your husband? It would save a lot of time.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

totamm said:


> Cheating isn't one of those things that can be arbitrarily defined by one or both the parties.
> 
> If it involves sex with others, whether real, virtual, texted, or otherwise, and it's done without the knowledge and consent of the other party, then it's cheating.


So if I look at a Victoria's Secret magazine and whack off when my wife is gone on a business trip for a week, then I should confess to her on her arrival that I've cheated on her?

C


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> I'm done being the good wife, while he goes out and cheats......I'm leting my marriage go where ever its going to go.....
> 
> 
> But the thing is My H has told me He will not let anyone take me away from him.......
> ...


Please...give me a break! You and him are so destructive it is a shame that there is children involved.

Even though he is cheating you are probably so flattered by the fact that he does not want a divorce and will not let anyone take you away from him...wow how flattering

He just does not want a divorce because financially he will have to pay...it probably has nothing to do about him being scared to lose you.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

PBear said:


> So if I look at a Victoria's Secret magazine and whack off when my wife is gone on a business trip for a week, then I should confess to her on her arrival that I've cheated on her? C


Don't bother.

Sex with yourself isn't generally considered to be cheating.


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

I do not be leave watching porn and pleasuring yourself is cheating. I feel cheating is when 2 individuals are either emotional, interactive like online, texting, emailing calling and then the physical. Watching a porn and getting off no i don't think so. 

But to the not having sex with you, i was that guy for many years in my marriage. I loved my wife i just was never in the mood. Id go maybe 1 time a month and that was if she harassed me enough to get her off me. To this day i have no explanation why i was that way. Tired, maybe in some way i was unhappy and just was kidding myself not realizing that i was unhappy, i really don't know. But not once in that time did i ever cheat on my wife. I was not getting it any where else i just was not sexually motivated. Maybe i was tired of the same ol routine who knows.

You said you have 3 kids with special needs. Who knows maybe that could be some of the cause. Maybe in a way he is broken. Try to get some counseling first, talk to him and try not to care if he gets pissed. If he does then straight up tell him well im gonna go cheat on you then. If my wife would of told me that before she had her EA which almost made it to a PA but i caught it right in time, i would of listened. 

But anyway now since then, with a change of job and some found new interest in my wife its no longer a issue, but i still have the emotional scars from what she has done and was going to do. That will never heal and i will always look at her as someone who decided to just give up instead of fight. 

Take what you want from it, but this guy sounds like me, and what i was going through at one time. Good luck

Also it could be low testosterone sometimes that can be a issue. Maybe both of you start trying to work out get fit if your not already, that is another thing that helped motivate me to, i got more energy and juices running through my body then before. I don't know i just hope you set him down first before you fully commit and then realize you made a big mistake and found out that he still does love the **** out of you and you guys just got stuck in a rut. Please try to set him down and straight up tell him the gods honest truth about how you feel, He deserves this.

I wish my wife would of done the same.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Sorry Blueskies.

I've posted to you before and I know you've been frustrated in a number of ways for awhile.

If you are going to misbehave you need to start the divorce process ASAP, BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING.

You must stay on the high road to feel good about yourself. You've both made mistakes, do not continue with more of the same.


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