# Not sure what to do.



## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

Well, I am a man. I am 30 years old, I suffer from panic attacks and an extreme case of fear, not of death... most people would say I am afraid of death... but... death is fine. I am afraid that the afterlife does not exist and that death is the end of consciousness. If I firmly believed in an afterlife, death would hold no fear for me.

I explain this basic mental state first of all so you perhaps understand my sense of urgency.

I am happy with my life... that is... as long as the afterlife is a fact. 

If the afterlife is not a fact... then I am not living my life the way I ultimately wish to see it through.

I love my wife, we have been married 5 years and together for 8 years. We always make up when we occasionally fight over money problems, and we have a decent sex life.

But... it may be because I am a man, I want to experience new things, new people, crazy fetishes. I feel like I am merely keeping myself in check because I think the afterlife "may" exist and there may be repercussions for my evil life.

Also, if it's a fact that the afterlife or reincarnation does not exist, I would love to become a woman. To put it bluntly, if I was a beautiful woman, I would flaunt it and make the guys throw money at me... because frankly, that is what men do. I don't even find it offensive. I find it funny and male pigs are actually "cash cows" so to speak.

I suppose in the long run I need to speak with a psychiatrist, but I am not exactly rolling in dough so to speak.

It's an odd situation. The bottom line is that I am happy with my wife and I love her... but if this is it... one life to live... I am not happy with how I am living it and keeping myself under control. 

It's a terrible thing to even consider, I know. I am a terrible person.


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

A Case of Dilemmatic Confusion on Death,Life and After Life,Good,Evil, SIN and Sex...

Source : Perhaps from hindu Texts..and from Christian Theology and Conflicting Re Birth ,Karmic Law etc might have had its devastating influence...The Reality is far from any Light....

Some Solution: you dont know ,how many lives any human might have , nor about rebirths as a Truth..do you? but you know, you have THIS LIFE.and perhaps there could be After Life , where there is Re Birth, but perhaps Resurrection and then Judgment ?..and so Live it Well...without Regrets...and No Uncanny stuffs...Have all your Innovative Experiments with your Wife...and remember Sex is not Life ...but just a part of it...


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## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

Right sex isn't everything... but sex with different people... the possibility of a sex change.... experiencing fetishes my wife will not accept.....

And beyond sex, monetarily speaking my wife holds me back. I really don't think I want to spend my whole life with any one woman if the afterlife doesn't exist... it seems like a real waste of a life. 

But, adversely, I do love my wife. It's a very stupid situation to be in.... unhappy with my life... but not really unloving towards my wife either.... just wanting to branch out, try new things. I only had 2 sexual partners in my life and frankly, I am not proud of it.


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Science has not been able to disprove the claim of after life or spirit possession or so called "rebirth"...the cases of "rebirth" or perhaps possession of departed spirits...

So there could be ,Life after Death..for Consciousness could be living on ,for further process, perhaps for Judgments..or wandering as peaceless spirits..,

your fetish seems to be ,being a woman or dressing up as a woman or being a surrogate one in solicitation...

if you dont think, you want to live a life with one woman , then it means its For SEX , and its Appetite that you Live...

Its like Live to Sex...and not to Live...its better to die than not have Multiplicity in "Enjoyments"...and regrets of being only with 2 ..but want 200..

Love ,Sex ,Libido , Sin and Death ...and Wife ...all in Trouble ...through you...


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## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

My fetish isn't really being a woman, I just would like a shot at coming back as a woman so I could use men for money.

My main fetish is actually mind control. But it has no place in my relationship with my wife.


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

as a woman so I could use men for money.


--why?

My main fetish is actually mind control.

--why and what will you do with it? is it becoz you have no control as of now ,owing to all this Libido Feelings?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SadSoul1982 said:


> Right sex isn't everything... but sex with different people... the possibility of a sex change.... experiencing fetishes my wife will not accept.....
> 
> And beyond sex, monetarily speaking my wife holds me back. I really don't think I want to spend my whole life with any one woman if the afterlife doesn't exist... it seems like a real waste of a life.
> 
> But, adversely, I do love my wife. It's a very stupid situation to be in.... unhappy with my life... but not really unloving towards my wife either.... just wanting to branch out, try new things. I only had 2 sexual partners in my life and frankly, I am not proud of it.


How is your wife holding you back monetarily?

You know you love your wife. 

You don't know how happy you would be if you lived out your fantacies. So far you have not been willing to risk the known comfortable life with a loving wife to live them out (the unknown).

I think this is part of your panic attack disorder.. you find things to cause anxiety. After all it’s not fun having anxiety over nothing is it?


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## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

Because men are pigs and women can make tons of money if they know how to do it right. You can even look natural ( not barbie perfect ) and if you have the right system you can "milk" the money from the guys. I would much rather do this than what I currently do for a living! I would be such a ****!  (As a man, this is not an option. It does NOT work both ways, trust me.)

Oh no... I get sex often. I can get it any time I want but only with my wife. I get "retardedly" turned on thinking about infecting someone with a compurape virus... giving them commands... having them follow and bend to my will. I just like it you know, it's kinky, it is what it is. But it will never have any place in my marriage. (my wife know's about it already.)

That was just one example but they are generally the same regardless as how exactly the person is hypnotized. Also a woman changed into a sex robot or even a sex doll. Yeah... hot stuff. /shrug I am perverted but I keep it all locked up inside.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So your goal in life is to be a prostitute? What an ambition!!!!

Note that your mind control fantacies are not real. For example what is "compurape virus"?

Mybe you can write sick sex novels to get your fantacies filled. Self publish, you might just have an audience.


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## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

I have no shame. It's good easy money. If I was a women I would be all over it.

*A goal in life and a great source of major easy income are two different things.*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SadSoul1982 said:


> I have no shame. It's good easy money. If I was a women I would be all over it.
> 
> A goal in life and a great source of major easy income are two different things.


It's a short lived career... men who use women like that do not like older women.


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## SadSoul1982 (Jan 29, 2012)

It lasts longer than you think. You can get a good 20 years out of it making what many have to go to college for.

(in fact it could work you through college with tons of money left over.)
*
*WINNING**


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