# Having problems forgiving



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

This past week I found out my wife of 9 years has had an affair with a friend from her work for the past three months. They have worked together for 8 years and it apparently changed recently. He is also married. Everything I have found out has been passed to me from others and when first confronted she lied. She finally admitted the affair and it has been devastating.

I can't seem to cope very well, thinking about them together. I am torn up inside. I can't understand how she could just throw it all away. We have two young children and are both in good careers. I thought I had a good thing.

So, my inital reaction last week was deep hurt. I had some real hard times and still do. I have had two therapy sessions and it helps to talk some. I have another one tomorrow. 

I gave an ultimatum and told her that I was going to give my two week notice and leave the area. I mentioned to her that if she wanted us to have any chance at all she could resign and leave the situation. She then put in her notice on Monday. She has been w/her job for 8 years and is leaving a good job. She has been quite upset, but said she wants to work on us and realizes she has to leave the situation. So, she made the move and I will not leave her high and dry. I will try.

Problem is, I am sick w/jeasouly, hurt, anger etc. I don't think I can ever get over her lies and deception. I don't trust her at all. One minute I hate her and the next I love her. My feeling is that we will struggle for a while and in the end it will not work because I will not be able to trust her or forgive her. 

Any advice would be greatly considered.

TY


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Remember this she is willing to give up everything for you, that right there says she knows what she did was wrong, has taken all the blame and is willing to do whatever it takes to see the marriage works. She made a mistake, albiet a big one. At this point she can do nothing more then she is and only you can give more. What is the harm in giving her a chance. Taking what has fallen apart and rebuilding it better then before with stronger communications and better understanding. Find out all the faults of the marriage including your own and fix them.

She has gone farther than anyone I have seen on these forums after cheating to make it work again. 

Will it take a great deal of time to rebuild the trust ~ Yes.
Will you always worry, wonder ~ Yes.

In the end you have to ask yourself if this love you have for her is worth the chance to make the greatest relationship you know in the future or if you are willing to just throw away everything here and now.

I know what it is like to have a wife cheat on you. It happened in my first marriage. But I learned more about what I thought I was doing right (but was getting wrong) then all of my other relationships together. My ex-wife's cheating wasn't just because of her being selfish. It was because I didn't hear what she was saying because I was convinced my working so hard was for our future and she was lonely in the present. You see it took the divorce to understand I was perfect even though I didn't create the [sin] I did help to cause it.

If you have a chance to make it work take it. If it doesn't work atleast you know you tried.

draconis


----------



## CantThinkOfAJUserName (Apr 11, 2008)

What does forgiveness mean to you? The answer is as different as there are people on this planet. But one of the the things that most can agree with, is that a large part of forgiveness deals with letting go of the past. Obviously in your present situation that is not going to be easily attainable but is possible in the long run. Furthermore, forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different things. You can have forgiveness without reconciliation and vice versa.

I also was cheated on by my ex-wife and though she was extremely remorseful, I just couldn't reconcile that her affairs had been going on for decades and felt like I had the best years of my life stolen from me through her lies and deceit. Ironically, it wasn't until I chose to divorce her that I was able to start the process of forgiveness which set me free from the past.

I can understand my ex-wife as well as your wife's fears about the consequences of revealing the truth, but that is something that they should have thought about before they started lying and deceiving to have their affairs. My point is that forgiveness is a lot easier to attain when a person is forthcoming with the truth and that is something that was not the case in both of our situations.

Divorce or no divorce, your children will forever tie the two of you together, so for your children's wellbeing as well as yours, you should consider acknowledging and making peace with the unchangeable past. Besides, it is much healthier and less traumatic to deal with a divorce if both spouses are on speaking terms, but that can't happen until the past is put to rest.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

:iagree:

I agree with both points above. Many good points. I will encourage you to move forward with her. This will likely be a long process for you but people can forgive. Not forget, but forgive. You are probably in one of the worst moments of you life right now. There is a good chance things will go up at some time in the future. Communication starts forgiveness. Time breeds forgiveness. Love fosters forgiveness. Use them all to rebuild things. That she up and quit the job is a great start for you both but the road will be long. On your journey both of you need to better understand your needs in the marriage and make sure the other understands them as well.. My best wishes to you both.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> Not forget, but forgive.


The key for me in the healing process has been talking about what led to the affair. What was missing in the marriage that made her choose to stray and feeling some sense of control of the marriage by fulfilling those voids for each other. If she is truly remorseful and has agreed to end all contact and leave her job, the area, it really does show she is willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work.

The hurt and obsessive thoughts of your spouse with another is overwhelming at times and I did go through days where I felt resentment that my husband was the one who strayed and is now getting everything he felt was missing in our marriage and I was still feeling the fallout.

Time has been a great healer for me. There have been a few times since where my husband has broken down and cried. He just feels terrible for hurting me in this way. I don't think it's been easy for either of us but we are closer than we have ever been and we are focused on each other and our marriage. While I wish it never happened, I don't know that we would have gotten where we are today had it not. We both needed a wake-up call. So part of me can let go of the past because what we have today and forward is all either of us ever hoped for. I have forgiven him. Forget? Not likely to ever happen.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Swedish

Good point. Sometimes these things can lead a couple into a stronger marriage than they ever thought possible. You call it a wake up call. I’ve referred to it as a shot across my bow. Either way in some instances marriages will continue to deteriorate beyond repair without this kind of event. As hard as it may be for couples, it can also be an opportunity to find the love and relationship they’ve been missing for so long.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

HeartBroken1 said:


> My feeling is that we will struggle for a while and in the end it will not work because I will not be able to trust her or forgive her.


Hi TY,

You've only just found this out very recently so the shock and hurt are very fresh and strong. I am so glad to hear you have sought counsel and hope it helps you to get control of your thoughts. It did help me a lot.

My advise would be to hold off on any decisions on ending the marriage until the dust settles a bit. Rebuilding trust takes a long time but it can happen. It hurts that the blind faith you once had in your marriage is now gone, but rebuilding will depend on your wife's actions going forward. That she lives very 'open book' and gives you daily reassurance that her actions are consistent and not questionable. 

10 months later, I still have days where I see my husband looking at his cell phone and my head starts spinning so I tell him that I'm getting bad thoughts and why...not that I expect him to never look at his cell phone but so he knows how I'm feeling and he's been very good about reassuring me and very understanding that I won't just 'get over it' over night.

You can slowly rebuild if your wife is by your side. Give yourself time to get over the shock and take it one day at a time. It's just too early in my opinion to know how you will feel a month or 6 months from now, but you deserve a shot at a strong marriage. 

Oh, and batting cages...ball was OW's face...really helped release some anger...anyway, worked for me


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

I appreciate everyones replies. It helps me to get others perspectives that have experienced the same. I guess it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love her like I do. In the end my hope is that we can be closer and I can learn to forgive her. Everything is still fresh and I am sick over it.

I do appreciate the posts and will keep reading.

Thanks again

052308 0830-Went to another session w/ a counselor this evening. I felt we made progress. I have had a problem with trying to make her hurt these past few days, like I hurt. I have said some hurtful and I now regret saying them. I apologized the evening I said the things I did and also apologized tonight in our session. 

I just start thinking about what she did and I get angry. I am going to try my hardest not to say mean things from this point on and walk away when I feel upset. It is unlike me, I am better than that and I don't need to hurt her. Anyway, I feel better writing about it and don't have an outlet other than the counseling I have been attending. 

I better go say goodnight to the boys.


----------



## CantThinkOfAJUserName (Apr 11, 2008)

One of the things that a lot of BS (betrayed spouses) do is insist on getting all the gory details from their WS (wayward spouse). I was one of these and it did nothing but make the mental images I had of my ex-wife with the OM (other man or other men) far, far worse. It took me some time to realize that it isn't the quality or lack of quality of the OM in the sexual department but how much of a damaged a person my ex-wife was. During the time she was in IC (individual counseling), she revealed to me that as a young girl she had been sexually abused by her step-father and step-brothers. The sad part is that my ex-wife never told me about her tormented childhood until after I had my decision to divorce her. Would it had made a difference if I knew this before I married her? I really don't know for it wasn't widely known at that time that men and women who have been sexually abused, tend to become very promiscuous even when they are in committed relationships.

My point is that while it is true that many affairs become possible because of unmet emotional needs in the marriage, there are other causes as well such as unresolved personal issues such as childhood sexual abuse, rape, bi-polar personality disorder, etc. Another type of cause is covered by the late relationship expert, Dr Shirley Glass in her book "Not Just Friends". Dr Glass stated that many affairs occur even in happy marriages and that it was because of the WS violating marital boundaries such as confiding in the OP (other person) about marital issues, spending time alone with the OP, feeling sexually attracted to the OP, etc. 

But no matter what the cause, IF you and your wife are serious about saving/rebuilding your marriage, then she must never, ever have any contact with the OM (other man) and if there is an accidental encounter or a call from the OM, she must immediately tell you about it. She must be willing to become an open book and answer to the best of her ability any questions you ask of her as well being accountable for her whereabouts to you at all times. *You in turn must avoid at all costs throwing the affair in your wife's face whenever there is a disagreement between the two and if you feel that you can't then immediately leave for a an hour or two until you regain control of your anger.* Your purpose is to help create an emotional environment where she will feel safe in opening up to you and express her deepest thoughts and feelings (intimacy). Also realize that you will be (like all of us were at one time) on an ER (emotional roller coaster) that will very hard on you for the first year but that it WILL get better as long as you acknowledge that it is a one day at a time process that cannot and should not be rushed (trust me on this one).

You and your wife have an opportunity that very few people have in creating a happier and healthier marriage. I suggest that you run with it.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

I am having problems sleeping. (I think it is about 2am right now)I dream about my wife w/the other person and end up waking up, upset. I am just having my own battle that I need to get over. It has only been a week and while I feel better for parts of a 24 hour period, I still struggle. I just realized it hasn't even been a week. 

I thought heavely at first about suicide. There was a point when I had a gun in my hand and then I snapped out of it and called a friend. He has all my guns now. So, I have struggled with thoughts a few times and seem to be over that part of it. I don't like that I even considered it and don't want to be there again.

I feel beat down, tired and hurt. It has been a rough 6 days. Oh yeah, I went back to work today and it was difficult. People could tell I wasn't myself and were very in tune to me. I talked to a few I sorta trust and smiled my best smile to the rest. 

My wife is playing it at her work that she is leaving to be with family and be a stay at home Mom, which is true. If they only knew th entire truth. I realize she feels bad and wants to save face at work and keep it quiet. Sometimes I wish they all knew and she had to deal with some pain. But, that isn't going to happen and I need to just focus on trying to get over this and make it work.

Tomorrow is another day. g-night


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

Getting ready to go golfing this morning. I really appreciate all the advise and it helps to have positive feedback. Those that are close to me and family have been more inclined to be angry with her and want me to leave the situation. 

This site is helping me and I appreciate everything that has been written.

Today is going to be a good day.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Family often shows support for you by taking your side. They are showing you they care the best way they can.

draconis


----------



## CantThinkOfAJUserName (Apr 11, 2008)

HeartBroken1,

I'd like to suggest that you go to survivinginfidelity.com. It is a place where BOTH betrayed and unfaithful spouses can share their experiences and get support as well as insight.

You are NOT alone.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

Thank you for the link to survivinginfidelity.com. I sincerely appreciate everything that all have posted.

I am very thankful to have found these two sites and see that what I am feeling is normal. 

My wife tried to put some blame on me for her cheating today. While I will acknowledge that our relationship was lacking in areas, what she did was disrespectful to me, to her and to our marriage. I would not have done this to her or our marriage. The fall out from this has been difficult to say the least and I will not take blame for what she did. 

I am probably repeating myself from earlier, but I want to be able to forgive her, move on and start over. Hopefully with her. We have two young boys and years invested in each other.

My thoughts are crazy though. Right now I can say I love her and want to make it work. Two hours from now I could be angry and thinking about having an affair myself, just to get even. That aint happening though. She claims she got caught up in the moments and being her own person. That is such B.S. She was selfish and really messed up a good thing. 

I have made many mistakes. I want to find it in myself to get over it and forgive her. This mistake seems to have cut too deep and I just can't seem stop the blood right now. Plus, it hurts like heck and it stinks. 

On a good note, we went as a family today and saw Indiana Jones. It was a good flick and the boys needed to do something fun. Tommorow we may take the kids and dog to the park. We have another counseling appt at noon. We'll see how it goes.

G-night


----------



## CantThinkOfAJUserName (Apr 11, 2008)

The following is not for you to use against your wife but simply as a statement of fact. 

You may have negatively contributed to your marriage, just like she may have, but *she is solely responsible for making the choice to have an affair*. She could have chosen to approach you and expressed her strong feelings for the OM. She could have reached out to you for help but she did not because she was only thinking of herself.

Granted that a person could indulge in other similar destructive, selfish choices (i.e. drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, pornography, etc.) but none of these others can destroy a marriage as quickly as an affair can.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

We had another counseling session today and have another scheduled for tomorrow 0900. It sounds like we both want it to work. The issue will be me, my ability to forgive and move on. 

We spent the afternoon walking in a nice little town and had a nice lunch. I'll just take it day by day. 

Friday is her last day at work and then she will be a stay at home Mom for at least 4 months. She has always worked, so it will be interesting to see how she reacts. She is planning to paint much of the interior and will be busy w/that and the boys. School is out next week.

I am a little stressed about the $. But, given the alternative of her working around him, I will take the lack of $. We'll just have to tighten the belt and I can work more hours. I am going to actively look into another job in another city in Oregon. We can start over and the fresh start could do us some good. At least that is my hope.

She was my best friend and I wasn't hers. This time I want her to be my best friend and I also want to be her best friend. That is what I would like.

I appreciate these sites and they are helping me get through this. I am going to try and make it work. If it doesn't, it will not be for my lack of trying.


----------



## Russell (Apr 10, 2008)

Hey Heartbroken....

I hate to break this to you, but if she strayed, it was because something was lacking in your relationship. And that, you may be to blame for. Now I'm not saying that she was justified in what she did... hell, I'm on your end of the stick too buddy. But I also know that I was the one that pushed my wife away from me. So yes, you may be indirectly responsible for this situation... the same way I am with mine.

Now I am not trying to be one that is saying she's right, however I will say she is not the only guilty party. Typically, there is 3 people to blame in this kind of situation. Your wife, her toy, and you.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

I am not big on excuses when someone screws up in life. 

I will do what I can to work on the relationship and work through this time in our lives. If it desn't work it will not be because I didn't try. 

*I will not take responsibilty for her stepping outside of the marriage. That was her mistake and her decision. *

Every relationship has its difficulties and if a person is truly not happy, they should get out of the marriage. Leaving the marriage pre-affair would save their partner from the pain and lack of respect that comes with infidelity.

More and more every day I can see we can get through this.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I totally agree with you. There may have been issues in the marriage at the time, but the decision to stray was hers alone...she owns that puppy.

I have had many of the same thoughts you are having/have had. I'm glad you have sought therapy because I know it can be difficult to think straight for the first few months, but it does get better.

One thing that has helped me was to look at issues within our marriage and focus on those things. It gave me some sense of control in the situation that I could move forward with him in a positive direction. The closer you become, the easier it will be to keep the issues within the marriage, which is what we all want in the end isn't it? We all expect issues to pop up, but they need to stay within the marriage in order to make it stronger.

I'm really glad to hear you are getting back to things you enjoy. I can fully understand your anger (take it out on the golf ball) but in order to reconnect with your wife, you will both need to be able to feel safe talking about your feelings with one another. If she feels you will react in anger or throw the affair back in her face, she may withdraw and you will not get the results you hope for.

Take care.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

HeartBroken1 said:


> I am not big on excuses when someone screws up in life.
> 
> I will do what I can to work on the relationship and work through this time in our lives. If it desn't work it will not be because I didn't try.
> 
> ...


That is good to hear that you are putting so much into this. I wish you the best and hope you stay with the forums even if just to vent.

draconis


----------



## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

This rollercoaster of emotions you're on is completely normal. Infidelity is one of the hardest things couples experience but it can be worked through. It requires hard work on both sides - you on forgiveness and her on taking full responsibility for her actions, patience, kindness, continued behavior reflecting she wants you and only you and being willing to do this as long as you need. For some people, it's a long, long road.

It is not ok for her to put any blame on you for her cheating on you. If there were relationship problems between you there was a failure of communication between you before taking the actions she did.

What else is also totally normal is a lot of crazy and irrational thinking for the person who has been cheated on. Unfortunately, she's created this world for you. If her behavior can prove consistant and loving enough, those voices should start to quiet 
down.

I'm glad to hear you are working on this in counseling. Sorry that you're going through it though.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

061008

Things are calming down a bit. We are getting the house painted and ready to put on the market. New carpet goes in this week. We still have our moments and have had some real big arguments after the kids have gone to bed.

Last week she threatened to leave if I threw any more verbal attacks on her. I have since stopped. I was trying to hurt her, like she hurt me and it was wrong. We would argue about the incident and I was just letting it fly. Big mistake. While I may actually feel that some of the things I said were true, I should never have said them. Bad move on my part.

Last night we went to dinner and I thought I would try something different and take her to a drinking establishment afterwards. She didn't drink at dinner and I asked her why. She said, "I may be pregnant". Well, I have been fixed for some time now and with this recent Affair I was blown away. I told her if she was I would not put my name on the Birth Certificate until a paternity test was done. This upset her. She claims that if she was pregant then it would be mine.

The dinner conversation died, I paid and we left. I stopped at a drug store and bought a P test. It turned out negative. We then went and had a drink. Crazy night and it is bull **** like this that is driving me nuts. The night ended well, but the whole pregnancy thing is stuck in my mind.

Another issue. She claims she and the OM only kissed. I call BS on that one. Maybe, but highly unlikly. There are too many smoking guns, and two marriages that are trying to be saved. Ours and his. They are sticking to the kissing only story. It just doesn't match the texts.."I want you" etc..

I just had to vent and get that all out. We are still trying and it is difficult. I really do believe we have a chance. I still don't believe her or trust her but I am still trying hard to put it all behind and move on.

We both started the book relationship rescue and have our own copies. It helps me so far. Counseling is also going strong.

I beleive we can make it.


----------



## Healing (May 30, 2008)

Heya, just because she thought she might be pregnant doesn't mean its true! (And I guess it wasn't)  And it doesn't prove/disprove that she had sex with the OM.

Be careful with the words you use, you have a right to be angry but you don't want to make it harder to move forward by saying something you will regret.

Good luck, I'm just gonna paraphrase a quote from another forum poster which I found pretty useful for me: "Forgiveness is for your benefit more than for your spouse's."


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

i have just been through the same thing, hurt, anger hate him, love him.
but you have to let your emotions have time to go through that grieving process.
my husband had a one night stand, ok not an affair. but i still went through the emotions ( after all , your loved one has been with someone else). trust goes out the window.
one day i was simply doing some gardening and this inner peace came over me. 
i let go of him and i found i could forgive. 
i forgive but i dont forget. we remain friends.
we also have 2 children and they r our priority.
i found that through the emotions i had held, i remained confused for a long time, once the confusion lifted , i was able to make a decision. 
good luck and take care.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

Fathers day- 
Today was a bad day. I finally called the other man and asked for his story. He gave more information than what my wife had sworn to. She had sworn to me that nothing else happened. 

We went to a counseling session 8 sessions ago and I asked her to put everything out there. *She swore she did and I swore that if anything else came out that I would leave.* Well, more came out today. Much more. It has been the worst day since initally finding out. 

Everything we have been working on for 4 weeks has been based on more lies. I need to get out of this relationship. I need someone to be truthful with me. I deserve better than this


----------



## Healing (May 30, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I guess I would not have had the guts to dig deeper (e.g. call the other woman) and so I haven't had to find out if he has been honest with me after or not.

I guess to put things into a little bit of perspective, there could be many reasons why she has chosen to hide certain details from you. One possible reason, which is not a bad reason, is that she was afraid you would be even more hurt, that you would not give her another chance if you knew the full extent of what she had done. While this is no excuse for being untruthful, at least if that were the case it would be a kind of "white lie" situation.

Don't let your anger and sadness blind you now. Give yourself some time, you may feel differently about it in the morning. Don't give up without a fight!

I don't really have an answer for you, but I hope the best for you anyway. Take care.


----------



## marie38 (Jun 10, 2008)

swedish said:


> The key for me in the healing process has been talking about what led to the affair. What was missing in the marriage that made her choose to stray and feeling some sense of control of the marriage by fulfilling those voids for each other. If she is truly remorseful and has agreed to end all contact and leave her job, the area, it really does show she is willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work.
> 
> The hurt and obsessive thoughts of your spouse with another is overwhelming at times and I did go through days where I felt resentment that my husband was the one who strayed and is now getting everything he felt was missing in our marriage and I was still feeling the fallout.
> 
> Time has been a great healer for me. There have been a few times since where my husband has broken down and cried. He just feels terrible for hurting me in this way. I don't think it's been easy for either of us but we are closer than we have ever been and we are focused on each other and our marriage. While I wish it never happened, I don't know that we would have gotten where we are today had it not. We both needed a wake-up call. So part of me can let go of the past because what we have today and forward is all either of us ever hoped for. I have forgiven him. Forget? Not likely to ever happen.


----------



## marie38 (Jun 10, 2008)

ok- I'm still trying to figure out how to use all the handy dandy gadgets on these forum screens- I've never been on one before- sorry guys! 

I wanted to reply to something that swedish said about the hurt and obsessive thoughts, well- that whole paragraph pretty much hits it on the head for me. Also the fact that he has no sensitivity toward it isn't helping right now. It's been almost a year since reconciliation- I am still working through it. 

Heartbroken 1- I am so sorry that this happened to you. Every time I read a story on this forum- my heart is broken for all of you. I empathize so deeply. I am not at a point to give advice- just on those really bad days, I always know one thing- I can get through this, things always get better. Just know that no matter what you decide to do in the end, you will get through it and it will get better. About the children, every year I get at least 7 or 8 children in my class who have parents separated or divorced. They are so much stronger than the parents usually- they really can handle a lot- especially if they know that they still come first. I've had parents handle it amazingly, and those who let their own emotions and selfishness come before the child's. You can guess which kids can deal. Take care and I wish you all the best.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

I am still here. 

I am trying to slow down and not over react. I am pretty torn up and I am not sure we can recover from this new revelation. I am not sure I can recover and forgive her.

I am having problems coping even more now. I was certain I would leave if she continued to lie and yet here I am. 

I love her, I love the kids and just need to slow down. I have never been hurt by someone like this in all my life. I can't handle the lies and shouldn't have to.

We went to another session tonight and it helped. I will just take it one day at a time. 

Thank you everyone that is writing. It helps me and I look forward to coming back and checking for responses. Thank you.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

One day at a time is all you are expected to deal with as your future is still up in the air. I know that things can be tough when the one person you put your trust in is this way. It doesn't mean it has to be the end. Counsiling in theory will reduce and become not needed if it works right and the two of you can communicate better.

I wish you the best of luck and pray for you to get through such a tough period in your life.

draconis


----------



## LostandAlone (Jun 22, 2008)

I am rooting for you and like to believe that you will be OK. It is encouraging that your wife quit her job and has been willing to work on your marriage. I wouldn't be so concerned about the new revelation as it doesn't really change the issue at hand. Yes it hurts more if they did more than kiss but the betrayal is still there. She needs to learn how to be honest and clearly that is an issue with her. It won't happen overnight but I think if you are able to hang in there without sacrificing too much of your own well being, you can get there.

In my personal situation I don't know whether my wife actually slept with the guy or not. They were together for a couple of days when they first met and then have been carrying on over the phone and internet. Some day I may know the truth but honestly I would have preferred that she slept with him then and that was it as opposed to it not being physical and carrying on an emotional affair. To me this hurts more and I don't know that I really want to hear any more details, I just want to move forward.

Trust me, I know it's hard because I am dealing with the same pain and it seems unbearable at times. All we can do is do our best to make it work, then at least we can say we did everything we could.


----------



## HeartBroken1 (May 23, 2008)

071008

We are still together and trying to make it work. I have slowed down and am trying to put the affair behind and look to the future.

I am better today and will be better tomorrow.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

HB1

Good to hear you are doing better. My best to you and your wife in the recovery of your marriage. Best of luck.


----------

