# Wife Separated... Now What?



## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

Over the last two years I have had problems in my marriage. I had already posted on this site for advice during that time. However, recently, my wife confessed that she had an inappropriate relationship with another man. I know the man. However, she said that while it was inappropriate, it did not rise to adultery. While I was "suprised", I was not shocked because I knew something was wrong. 

So here I am wondering why my marriage is not working and now she comes forth with this information. I am a forgiving person, and I am willing to still work on the marriage. Still, she decided that it was best for her to move out. There was alot of tension in the marriage in the last two years. There was yelling, mistrust, separation of finances, etc. My and her health was suffering. She tells me that she needs space to sort out her feelings and needs space. I asked here where she is going and she didn't tell me. She doesn't trust me, which is strange because I am not the one doing the cheating. I tried to explain to her that moving out is not the answer and the fact we had alot of problems was due to the hiding of her relationship. It was her conscience. Now that revealed truth was disclosed, we can move forward. She wanted to move out anyway. 

So now its be almost two weeks she left, and I have a roller coaster of feelings. I wonder everyday what she is doing, and the fact that we text barely once a week is surely not enough to re-build the relationship. I want to give her space, but its killing me that i am not initiating any texts. I am trying to control myself not to seem so needy, but I am needy. I miss her. I love her. So now that she is separated, now what? I feel like a loss. Like a death has occurred. My mind looks 1-5 yrs down the road and wonder. I am in limbo.

Any advice???


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

She moved out so she could continue her affair. Or look for a new one. 180 time. She's gone. Let her go.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Need more information from you so that posters can help you. How old are you and your wife? Do you have children and how old are they? Do you and your wife work? Describe the nature of your wife's relationship with the other man. How do you know him? How long have you been married? Where did you meet her and what type of environment?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

She had, at the very least, an EA and now that she's moved out, it will become a PA. Women who leave their husbands after being involved in an affair, seldom return to them. Marriage counseling is extremely remote when a wife walks away in this fashion.

*No matter what the outcome of your marriage is, it is essential that you FIRST heal yourself.*


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You married a selfish individual who is seeking her own happiness with or with out you...you can accept that or not the truth is that you,are standing alone with out her near you....so don't you think it's time to take back ownership of your self and not worry about her...time to work on yourself, without her, after all she is doing the same....find your own happiness.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
The sad truth is most likely that your wife may have felt that her relationship with the OM was inappropriate while you two were together. Once separated however, she is "free" from her marital bonds to pursue her other interests.

Please notice that I said most likely, as in not 100% but the probability is actually quite high. Any individual interested in working out a relationship does not remove themselves from it with little or no contact. I believe she wants to work on her other relationship and see how much promise that holds while still keeping you "on the hook". In this way, she has a place whereto she can return if the OM doesn't work out.

That is most likely why she "needs space" but doesn't want to cut you completely loose until she has more confidence in the new relationship. The best you can do is to consider her gone and act accordingly. I regret your having to come here but if you have to go through this TAM can be a valuable resource. Good luck


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

She is cheating and has left you. What advice is there except to file for divorce??? What is the background, - any children???? if not divorce asap. If children are involved, discuss your rights/responsibilities with a legal expert and then divorce asap.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

You would be better off just letting her go. Bet she is still seeing the guy. I know it hard when you still love them. It takes about a year to get over someone that you are still in love with.

If this has been going on for about 2 years that is how long it takes most women to end a relationship they are not happy in.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Right now she's not interested in R with you. After her current relationship ends then she might be. You have to decide if you want to wait for that (I don't recommend it).


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