# So many issues...guy advice needed



## Devoted02 (Dec 6, 2011)

Me and DH have been together since he was 23 and I was 19 (now 36 and 32) Two years into the relationship playstation released its first system. DH has played EVERY night since then for HOURS. The first 2 years we spent evenings together, watching TV, movies, dinners etc. When this started I didn't think much about it. We were both young and it sucked but I learned to live with it. Now 13 years later, married for 9, with 2 kids (8, 4), I'm sick of it. He doesn't play family games, no parks, no events, dinners, movies etc. He basically does NOTHING as a family except for holidays. He does however coach our son's sports teams. He works during the day, comes home and usually makes dinner (I work FT - 40 miles from home) and we eat as a family but then he retreats to "his" room and plays video games until he falls asleep. He usually strolls to bed sometime between 2-4 when he wakes himself up. The only time he comes to bed is to get laid, he sometimes will go back out and play again afterwards. I do all laundry, dishes, homework, bathing, cleaning, finances. To add to this, he also a very short fuse, low self esteem and a jerk. I've suggested counseling and he flipped, said he didn't think we had any problems and refused to go. I often wonder if he really does love me but I have questioned him and he says he does (and I feel in my heart that he does), he just doesn't enjoy doing things. Sadly, he went on a business trip recently (first time every away from the family) and our oldest said "I don't want to be mean mom, but it's kinda nice not having dad here". It broke my heart. We have stopped asking him to join us on outings because he always has an excuse not to go. It's almost like he wants the look of a family but doesn't want to be involved. I have thought about leaving him multiple times but I can't bring myself to take the children from him. I do undermine him sometimes because I feel that he is too hard on the kids and in some ways doesn't deserve the right to do so. 
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here but I guess I'm wondering if I'm a total b*tch for wanting something more from him. I want to share life with him. I miss the companion that I had so many years ago. I want him to want me, to enjoy me more than in a physical way. I want to do things with other adults, dinners, etc. I feel so selfish in asking these things from him becuase he has gotten more secluded as he's aged. Sorry it's so long and if you made it through, thanks for reading.


----------



## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

I certainly don't think its wrong or selfish of you to expect your husband to act like a husband and father and not a 17 year old bachelor living at home. Of course he flipped out when you suggested counseling saying there are no problems. He got it half right. There are no problems for him because he can play video games all the time, have sex when he feels like on his terms, and not have to do any of the grown up responsible things that arent really "fun" but need to be done. I would demand that he change and take steps to ensure he will even if it is throwing the video games out and telling him it is your family or the games. Be a man and make a choice.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If it's not video games, it'll be something else. Looks like he's grown disillusioned with the responsibilities of family life, and stuck to a bad routine. You mentioned to him counselling, but have you tried talking to him about it?


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

It seems to me like many other posts here, that you are controlling him. You wont let him have the children his way either. The only thing he can do is get away from you to his games. I am sure you know this but dont know what to do about it. You are scared for instance about the children what will happen to them if he has his way. I can assure you that what is going on at present is much worse for them.


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Seems like video games are a hot topic for women now. I've played video games since I was a kid. We hav an XBOX360 and a Wii. I'm hit or miss as far as playing and have never got into getting online and playing with others which I think is where this type of behavior from the original post comes from. 

You have to make some decisions. He's addicted to the games and putting them ahead of you and your children. Is that something that is acceptable to you? If it is then deal with it and quit complaining. If it is not accptable then decide if it is a deal breaker that your husband has no time for you and barely helps with household duties or spending quality time together (This is based on your information). If it's a deal breaker then let him know that you are willing to move on if he continues to behave in this manner. He does this because you let him. He's escaping from the "real world" with his games. Tell him you need a husband and the kids need a father and he is reaching the bar in either case. As long as you live in fear of taking the kids from their father he has no reason to change. You can then live there with the resentment building until you leave once the kids are gone. The choice is yours. Force him to sh^t or get off the pot.


----------

