# Gifts for ex-spouse from kids for holidays? Who's responsible?



## KWbuilder

Ok so I have been divorced from my ex for just over two years. Was not a civil situation by any means as she was having an affair with my best friend who she quickly married. I have been in a relationship with a great girl for about 1.5 years now. Things are reasonably civil now to a point. Initially we were buying little gifts for each other for holidays to be from our two sons. They are both special needs so this is not something they can take on themselves. My girlfriend always buys things for my sons to give me on holidays. I dont know for sure but I assume my ex and her SO do the same thing.

So my question is do I still need to do this with my sons in making sure she gets gifts from them? The past year my ex has only gotten gifts for Father's Day and Christmas but has really scaled back. Which is fine btw. It's not important to me. I just want to do the honorable thing for my kids sake.


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## 2ntnuf

You just want to do the honorable thing or you want to do the honorable thing and feel good about it?

The honorable thing is to limit what you want to spend on presents for ex and allow the children, within your guidelines, to purchase with your money, what they want to give their mother. 

That may or may not feel good.

If you want to make it easier, give your children an allowance for doing things. If they cannot put it away and save for those presents on their own, do it for them. Put it in an account or even a jar, haha. You know what I mean, right? 

Pull it out when you need to use it for them. I just pulled this out of my butt, so I hope it helps. I think this is what I would do. 

Oh, yeah, I have two children, but they are grown at 28 and 24. I never got their mother a thing from them, but it was never a question. YMMV


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## lenzi

I wouldn't get involved with the whole ex gift giving thing. 

Let her new husband deal with it.


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## MrsVain

i have only been divorce since March 20 2014. but i think that you should give the kids the option. ask them if they want to say give their mom a mother day gift. a little late for this time. that is what i plan on doing for my boys on fathers day. i will ask them, they will say yes, and i will give them like 5 to 10 dollars each and let them pick it, pick the card and wrap it. i was always big on birthdays, and holidays. and made sure to include gifts from the kids to their dad. my hope is that they continue that when they are old enough to do it on their own. he on the other hand has never bothered getting gifts from the kids to me. so i dont expect it. i hardly got gifts from him on my birthday or holiday. 

i dont know if this helps, you didnt say what ages your kids are but even kids with special needs understand what it means to give and show love to someone.it a valued lesson to learn, regardless of the reason. let them decide, or help them make something. a handprint card is always my favorite.

good luck


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## arbitrator

*After more than 2 years, no gifts here! Not even Christmas gifts! I stopped buying first because I could ill afford it. Then she fastly complied! 

I still only buy gifts(usually historical books) for skanky XW's Mom, who's a very dear sweet elderly lady, but granted I haven't talked with her at all, but always receiving her "thank-you notes."

Now if my son's want to get their skanky "stepmom" something, then they're completely on their own dime! I absolutely will not contribute!*


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## EleGirl

You are the father. It's your job to teach your children about things in life. Gift giving is one of these things they need to learn.

After my divorce from my son's father, I still made sure my son always had a present for his father on father's day, his dad's birthday and Christmas. I gave him a budget and let him pick it out. 

When my step kids came into my life, I made sure that they similar gifts for their mother. They lived with me full time as their dad had 100% custody. They saw their mother only a few times a year. So I was their full-time mom.

Now my ex did not make sure that my son always had a present for me.. nor did the step-kid's mom. Actually nor did their father. Instead the kids had a budget and they could go to the store and get whatever they wanted for me. Again the lesson is what is important.

I did this for the children... not for the other parent.


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## arbitrator

EleGirl said:


> You are the father. It's your job to teach your children about things in life. Gift giving is one of these things they need to learn.
> 
> After my divorce from my son's father, I still made sure my son always had a present for his father on father's day, his dad's birthday and Christmas. I gave him a budget and let him pick it out.
> 
> When my step kids came into my life, I made sure that they similar gifts for their mother. They lived with me full time as their dad had 100% custody. They say their mother only a few times a year. So I was their full-time mom.
> 
> Now my ex did not make sure that my son always had a present for me.. nor did the step-kid's mom. actually nor did their father. Instead the kids had a budget and they could go to the store and get whatever they wanted for me. Again the lesson is what is important.
> 
> I did this for the children... not for the other parent.


*You're a super lady, Ele!*


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## EleGirl

arbitrator said:


> *You're a super lady, Ele!*


Aw, thanks !!


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## nickgtg

I not only took my kids shopping for their Mother, but I also bought her something I knew she wanted. Although we're divorced we still see each other frequently, and we still care about each other.

Not all divorces end in hatred.


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## lifeistooshort

lenzi said:


> I wouldn't get involved with the whole ex gift giving thing.
> 
> Let her new husband deal with it.


I agree completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cooper

EleGirl has the same reasoning I used, it's just another thing you need to teach the kids to do. I certainly wouldn't buy anything for my ex myself but until the kids were out of high school I always made sure that they got their mom a little something for Christmas, mothers day and her birthday. 

One thing to always remember is your kids more than likely had a totally different relationship with your ex than you did. Unless your ex is dangerous to you or the kids I have always felt as a parent I needed to help foster a loving continuious relationship, just because I don't like my ex doesn't mean I want the kids to hate her.


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## nickgtg

For the kids it's still Mom and Dad. You do it for them. I've done plenty of things with the kids that weren't what I considered fun at the time, but it's never about me, it's all about them. 

When they grow up and become adults, they'll remember everything that was done for them and who did it.


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## KWbuilder

Thanks so much for everyone's input!!! I should have specified my oldest son is 20 and is totally mentally and physically disabled. He resides in a 24 hr care facility. My younger son is 12 and is mild special needs. I don't know how much he truly understands the whole giving thing with his style of thought process. 

I am generally one to take the high road so I think I will just keep gifts something small, like under $10, but I will still continue to do gifts. 

Again I thank you guys for the help!!!


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## EasyPartner

KWbuilder said:


> Thanks so much for everyone's input!!! I should have specified my oldest son is 20 and is totally mentally and physically disabled. He resides in a 24 hr care facility. My younger son is 12 and is moderate special needs. I don't know how much he truly understands the whole giving thing with his style of thought process.
> 
> I am generally one to take the high road so I think I will just keep gifts something small, like under $10, but I will still continue to do gifts.
> 
> Again I thank you guys for the help!!!


So basically YOU are buying gifts for your ex (NOT your son's idea/wish and your ex knows that).

:scratchhead:

What does your gf say of all that?

And I fail to see why this has anything to do with high or other roads. Let ex buy her own things.


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## EnjoliWoman

It is interesting to read how others do things.

I had hoped ex would have helped kiddo, but since he didn't during our marriage, I didn't expect it after. I got a "for the mother to be" card which was shortly after I found out I was pregnant. The next year when I actually HAD a baby - nothing. I was hurt. He said that I'm not HIS mother and the baby wasn't old enough to know but when she was older he would take her. So the years go by with no Mother's Day stuff and no gifts from kiddo on birthdays or Christmas. 

When I left it was in the fall a few months before her 5th birthday. And even though a 4y/o can understand the concept of giving (something I wanted to instill), I only received the things she made at preschool and nothing he helped her get. 

First Christmas separated I was broke and watching every penny but I saw something small and suggested kiddo give it to her Dad. I bought all kiddo's gifts and we split the cost 50/50. Finally I was tired of taking the high road. 

I'd prefer to teach the joy of giving, but with a narcissist, I was instead teaching her that Dad is important but Mom isn't. So I had to stop. Last year she saw a huge Tootsie Roll for $3 and asked to get it for her Dad and I bought it. Wish I hadn't. Nothing this year.

For a few years when kiddo was small, my best friend would sometimes ask kiddo what she wanted to get me and BFF would ship her the stuff with gift bags included in the box. Or my Mother would call her and ask her or take her aside and show her something they selected for her to give me. But I guess that's all done. Mom got me a pretty flowering plant this year. Nothing from kiddo. 

I would get cards for my MIL when I was married and ex would say "she's not YOUR mother" and same thing when I sent a card to my mom from both of us. This year I went to buy cards and took kiddo with me, pointing out the 'grandma' section and she didn't get one. She said "she's not MY mother" - triggers? You bet. So for the first time Mom didn't get anything from kiddo. You had better believe we will be celebrating Grandparent's day this year - we haven't in the past but they might not be her 'parents' but they ARE grandparents. 

By this time next year she will have passed her driver's test so hopefully can go get something on her own. I don't care what it is; just any sort of recognition would be nice. Just a $.99 shoebox card. Washing my car for me. Anything. She tried to take a photo of a framed photo of the two of us and post on FB but the glare messed up the photo so she didn't even do that.

I applaud all of you who foster a good relationship with your ex's. I wanted that, too.


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## Holland

We help our kids buy gifts for the other parent, Birthdays, Christmas, Mothers/Fathers Day etc. It is about the kids for us and showing them what we consider to be the right and respectful thing to do for our family. Our youngest in particular gets a lot of enjoyment out of gift buying and giving and it helps keeps things normal for them as they were when we were a one household family.

Just how we do it, each family is different.


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## Cosmos

2ntnuf said:


> You just want to do the honorable thing or you want to do the honorable thing and feel good about it?
> 
> The honorable thing is to limit what you want to spend on presents for ex and allow the children, within your guidelines, to purchase with your money, what they want to give their mother.
> 
> That may or may not feel good.
> 
> If you want to make it easier, give your children an allowance for doing things. If they cannot put it away and save for those presents on their own, do it for them. Put it in an account or even a jar, haha. You know what I mean, right?
> 
> Pull it out when you need to use it for them. I just pulled this out of my butt, so I hope it helps. I think this is what I would do.
> 
> Oh, yeah, I have two children, but they are grown at 28 and 24. I never got their mother a thing from them, but it was never a question. YMMV


:iagree:

A (small) special gift fund for the children to use might be a good idea.

I battled with this after my divorce because I resented purchasing cards and gifts for my ex, whilst it fell to my mother to take care of things for me from my son. 

The (small) gift fund is a good idea, IMO. You're doing it for your children, not your ex.


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## 2ntnuf

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> A (small) special gift fund for the children to use might be a good idea.
> 
> I battled with this after my divorce because I resented purchasing cards and gifts for my ex, whilst it fell to my mother took care of things for me from my son.
> 
> The (small) gift fund is a good idea, IMO. You're doing it for your children, not your ex.


Yeah. Teaching them that they will have to work and save to be able to get what they need to live is more for them, than for the ex. 

Just for the record, I wanted to do this with my own children, and literally could not afford to do it. Nor, would it have been accepted by my ex in the spirit meant. It would have been thought of as me trying to win her affections. It would not have been for that reason, and it's the one reason it's not always a good idea. It only works when both are reasonable and understanding. That's a highly unlikely scenario after most divorces. It's the ideal, but not likely.


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## EnjoliWoman

Holland said:


> We help our kids buy gifts for the other parent, Birthdays, Christmas, Mothers/Fathers Day etc. It is about the kids for us and showing them what we consider to be the right and respectful thing to do for our family. Our youngest in particular gets a lot of enjoyment out of gift buying and giving and it helps keeps things normal for them as they were when we were a one household family.
> 
> Just how we do it, each family is different.


I agree and I really wished ex was on board with this. I think you have the best example of a good divorce. I'm always envious when I read your posts! 

On the bright side, kiddo and her friend rode along with me to the grocery store last night to get milk and they immediately headed of in another direction. I thought they were going to look at lip gloss or something since she brought her wallet. I grab a couple things plus the milk and go to the self checkout and she shows up behind me halfway through. They follow me out to the car and she presents a lovely bouquet of flowers for me and says she's sorry it's a late but Mother's Day and the mother's day cards were already gone.


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## 2ntnuf

Enjoli,

Why, after all you have been through with your ex, the parental alienation and abuse, would you even have an inkling of a notion like that might ever be a possibility or would even wish for it to be so?

I sort of did one of these when I read that:


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## EnjoliWoman

2ntnuf said:


> Enjoli,
> 
> Why, after all you have been through with your ex, the parental alienation and abuse, would you even have an inkling of a notion like that might ever be a possibility or would even wish for it to be so?
> 
> I sort of did one of these when I read that:


I know it's never a possibility. I'm just saying I wish I'd had a friendly divorce where we put our daughter first and did things like gifts to develop her character. I know he's not that kind of person and he wasn't while married. I just really admire people who are like that. 

That's the difference between using the word 'wish' vs. the word 'hope'. There's always hope, but wishing is just that. I don't have a magic wand. And if/when I remarry, I hope that HE has that type of relationship with his ex.


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## 2ntnuf

Thanks, Enjoli. I think it's a waste of time wishing in your case, since all you have proven. 

I don't think those types of relationships with ex's are the norm. I don't think I can't be wrong, though. I'm not quite that arrogant. It would be tough for me to believe unless I saw it over a long period of time.

I do hope you find what you are looking for. I really do. Thank you.


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## Healer

This is a tricky one. I despise my cheating ex, she's a despicable person. I simply cannot force myself to get gifts for her on the kids behalf. Honestly I think they tolerate their mother but they know she's a f*ck up, and they've certainly never asked me to do anything of the sort. Besides, since we split, she has stopped celebrating any of the holidays anyway. She took this on from her flaky mother, who's a "witch". They do the solstices instead (Winter, Summer etc). This past xmas she only allowed them to have a mini fake tree, but NO BALLS ON IT - because that represents Christmas. So the kids miss out on the holidays because of her boneheaded witchy beliefs.

So hell no, she ain't gettin' nothin' from any of us.


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## PBear

Holland said:


> We help our kids buy gifts for the other parent, Birthdays, Christmas, Mothers/Fathers Day etc. It is about the kids for us and showing them what we consider to be the right and respectful thing to do for our family. Our youngest in particular gets a lot of enjoyment out of gift buying and giving and it helps keeps things normal for them as they were when we were a one household family.
> 
> Just how we do it, each family is different.


Both my STBX and I take this approach with our kids. Our separation is also amicable, which I believe has also helped the kids cope with the changes. But I can understand that in a lot of cases, that isn't the situation. 

C


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## 2ntnuf

The other issue I see with it is, the children aren't as emotionally and mentally developed as adults. That's any children. It could give them false hope that there is a chance that their beloved parents will get back together. I don't know that a parent could get their children to understand that it won't happen, it's just being, "nice".

ETA: That would, in my mind, be horribly confusing and abusive to the children.


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## Wolf1974

My divorce wasn't amicable but we get along now after a good deal of waring early on. We discuss things calmly and rationally about our kids and 3.5 years out I have one of the best co-parenting relationships of any of my friends and their x's. That said I don't buy her gifts : not for Christmas, mother day , birthday.....nothing. When we were married I did all those things. To me that was part of the family package....but she no longer wanted to be part of the family so that's on her. When we were married she rarely did any of that stuff for me anyway so it's more even now for sure.


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## EnjoliWoman

2ntnuf said:


> The other issue I see with it is, the children aren't as emotionally and mentally developed as adults. That's any children. It could give them false hope that there is a chance that their beloved parents will get back together. I don't know that a parent could get their children to understand that it won't happen, it's just being, "nice".
> 
> ETA: That would, in my mind, be horribly confusing and abusive to the children.


It depends on the gifts, the ages of the kids and a lot of factors. Yes, Dad getting Mom an nice big gift and giving it in front of a 4y/o is different than taking a kid to the dollar store and giving them $5 and letting them pick out a gift for Mom and a gift bag which they give her when they visit.


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## 2ntnuf

EnjoliWoman said:


> It depends on the gifts, the ages of the kids and a lot of factors. Yes, Dad getting Mom an nice big gift and giving it in front of a 4y/o is different than taking a kid to the dollar store and giving them $5 and letting them pick out a gift for Mom and a gift bag which they give her when they visit.


I want to agree with you, but I find it tough to believe that a 4 years old knows the significance or difference between a $5 gift and a $100 gift. 

Not trying to make myself a pain, here, Enjoli, or accuse you in any way. I'm just giving my opinion for the benefit of the op having choices to make. The more understanding he has, the better choice he may make for his situation. 

My last post you quoted, wasn't actually to you, but just a thought that came up after thinking more on why I did things the way I did, so many years ago. It's been a long time and I had my own individual reasons, which may or may not have been the best, but is what I had to conclude with the knowledge and experience I had, at the time. 

I wish, oh how I wish, things could have been different. It is what it is, though. I had to do what I thought best, in my situation. 

I don't suggest my way is the right or the only way. No, not by any means. We all have to make our own decisions and then, try to live with them.


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## KWbuilder

EasyPartner said:


> So basically YOU are buying gifts for your ex (NOT your son's idea/wish and your ex knows that).
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> What does your gf say of all that?
> 
> And I fail to see why this has anything to do with high or other roads. Let ex buy her own things.


This is not about her by any means. This is about me doing right by my son. Not too mention just because he may be special needs doesn't mean he's not entitled to do things typical kids normally do. He does understand gifts. 

As for my girlfriend, while she may not have kids of her own, she does understand the situation and has no problem with anything. It's not like I'm buying her a Coach purse or anything of the sort. I am talking like a card or balloon and maybe a small trinket.


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## Holland

Firstly, being what we consider to be well grounded parents is NOT ABUSIVE to our children. I agree with much of what you have said *2ntnuf* but to say that a parent that is trying with all they have to do the best they can with the situation they have is being abusive is way OTT and nasty.

I agree it can be confusing when parents get along well but I would rather that than the mental abuse I see my nephews go through with their parents divorce which is anything but amicable.

Enjoli I fully understand ex and I are not the norm, I have stated that here many times but it only works for us because we both want to live this way. It takes two to make a successful divorce just as much as it takes two to have a successful marriage.
Sadly ex and I are better at divorce than marriage 
Anyway you daughter sounds like a real sweetheart. What she did was the true essence of gift giving and it shows her love for you


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## 2ntnuf

Holland said:


> Firstly, being what we consider to be well grounded parents is NOT ABUSIVE to our children. I agree with much of what you have said *2ntnuf* but to say that a parent that is trying with all they have to do the best they can with the situation they have is being abusive is way OTT and nasty.
> Never, ever said anything close to that, Holland. I'm sorry you were offended by my life choices and personal thoughts of how a child MIGHT view the situation. If you had taken the time to step back and read all that I wrote, you might have understood this. I am sorry you feel slighted. It was not my intention to slight anyone here, just give thoughts.
> I agree it can be confusing when parents get along well but I would rather that than the mental abuse I see my nephews go through with their parents divorce which is anything but amicable.
> 
> Enjoli I fully understand ex and I are not the norm, I have stated that here many times but it only works for us because we both want to live this way. It takes two to make a successful divorce just as much as it takes two to have a successful marriage.
> Sadly ex and I are better at divorce than marriage
> Anyway you daughter sounds like a real sweetheart. What she did was the true essence of gift giving and it shows her love for you



ETA: Oddly enough, it seems to me, if you feel that badly, maybe I was right? Check your ego at the door.


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## Holland

2ntnuf said:


> ETA: Oddly enough, it seems to me, if you feel that badly, maybe I was right? Check your ego at the door.


Um well you might want to reread what you said about it being abusive the way some of us live. Not sure what ego has to do with anything I simply stood up for myself to your nasty comment. If that's ego then so be it. You might want to check your temper and leave it out of the thread. Or better yet don't comment on things that are beyond your personal experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf

Holland said:


> Um well you might want to reread what you said about it being abusive the way some of us live. Not sure what ego has to do with anything I simply stood up for myself to your nasty comment. If that's ego then so be it. You might want to check your temper and leave it out of the thread. Or better yet don't comment on things that are beyond your personal experience.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where did I call you out, Holland? It seems to me, I called no one out specifically. However, you in particular have a huge chip on your shoulder. Please check that ego at the door, Holland. Nuff said to you. Deal with it.


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## EnjoliWoman

2ntnuf said:


> I want to agree with you, but I find it tough to believe that a 4 years old knows the significance or difference between a $5 gift and a $100 gift.
> 
> Not trying to make myself a pain, here, Enjoli, or accuse you in any way. I'm just giving my opinion for the benefit of the op having choices to make. The more understanding he has, the better choice he may make for his situation.


I believe the significance in my scenario was the fact that the parent gives the kid a small amount of money and the kid chooses a gift. Kids get excited at giving gifts and seeing the smiles and lavish thanks they get. I don't think a 4y/o sees that as a gift from one parent to the other. They don't link the money from Dad handed to son to the gift son bought to give Mom and think "Dad wants Mom to have a birthday present". The kid is just excited that he gets to give Mom a birthday/mother's day/holiday present and is thinking "Yay - Mom will be so happy when I give her this candle!".

Whereas if a package is from DAD to Mom (especially if handed directly), that could _seem_ to the kid that Dad still loves Mom and the kid thinks there's a chance of reconciliation. 

But if I'm not mistaken, what we are all talking about is parents teaching children the joy of giving by providing an allowance, or some one-time funds to the child so they can enjoy the experience of giving. I provide the money for a birthday present for my daughter's friend but in no way does she see that as ME giving the present to the friend, even at 3 when she gave candy out at Valentine's Day - it was from HER and she was obviously excited to hand out lollipops.

Not trying to split hairs - just saying the instances that you mention that could be emotionally abusive by leading a child on are few and far between in the gift giving world (and maybe in those instances the giving parent DOES want to get back together).  More kids are emotionally abused in a divorce when couples DON'T get along, not when they DO and prove funds for presents.


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## lenzi

2ntnuf said:


> ETA: That would, in my mind, be horribly confusing and abusive to the children.


I think she reacted that way because you stated that divorced parents who are amicable and buy gifts for each other are being "horribly confusing and abusive to the children". That was a rather irresponsible blanket generalization, although I don't see it as being nasty.

I'm not big on the whole gift giving thing either and I can understand why it might confuse the children if things are not clarified. But abusive? Hardly. Certainly better than 2 conflicting parents who yell and scream at each other and undermine the other's parenting abilities or even worse use the children as pawns in an ongoing conflict. 



2ntnuf said:


> ETA: Oddly enough, it seems to me, if you feel that badly, maybe I was right? Check your ego at the door.


Seriously you think if someone gets angry at something you post, it's because you were right?

And what does ego have to do with any of this?


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## 2ntnuf

lenzi said:


> I think she reacted that way because you stated that divorced parents who are amicable and buy gifts for each other are being "horribly confusing and abusive to the children". That was a rather irresponsible blanket generalization, although I don't see it as being nasty.
> 
> I'm not big on the whole gift giving thing either and I can understand why it might confuse the children if things are not clarified. But abusive? Hardly. Certainly better than 2 conflicting parents who yell and scream at each other and undermine the other's parenting abilities or even worse use the children as pawns in an ongoing conflict.
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously you think if someone gets angry at something you post, it's because you were right?
> 
> And what does ego have to do with any of this?


Thank you for your opinion.


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## 2ntnuf

EnjoliWoman said:


> I believe the significance in my scenario was the fact that the parent gives the kid a small amount of money and the kid chooses a gift. Kids get excited at giving gifts and seeing the smiles and lavish thanks they get. I don't think a 4y/o sees that as a gift from one parent to the other. They don't link the money from Dad handed to son to the gift son bought to give Mom and think "Dad wants Mom to have a birthday present". The kid is just excited that he gets to give Mom a birthday/mother's day/holiday present and is thinking "Yay - Mom will be so happy when I give her this candle!".
> 
> Whereas if a package is from DAD to Mom (especially if handed directly), that could _seem_ to the kid that Dad still loves Mom and the kid thinks there's a chance of reconciliation.
> 
> But if I'm not mistaken, what we are all talking about is parents teaching children the joy of giving by providing an allowance, or some one-time funds to the child so they can enjoy the experience of giving. I provide the money for a birthday present for my daughter's friend but in no way does she see that as ME giving the present to the friend, even at 3 when she gave candy out at Valentine's Day - it was from HER and she was obviously excited to hand out lollipops.
> 
> Not trying to split hairs - just saying the instances that you mention that could be emotionally abusive by leading a child on are few and far between in the gift giving world (and maybe in those instances the giving parent DOES want to get back together). More kids are emotionally abused in a divorce when couples DON'T get along, not when they DO and prove funds for presents.


Could be....


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## Holland

2ntnuf said:


> Where did I call you out, Holland? It seems to me, I called no one out specifically. However, you in particular have a huge chip on your shoulder. Please check that ego at the door, Holland. Nuff said to you. Deal with it.


Firstly I have no chip on my shoulder, the complete opposite in fact and I am extremely proud of what ex and I have managed to achieve. No we are not in the norm but we are doing nothing abusive. You specifically said that parents that live like us are behaving in a way that is abusive to their children. Wow that is a huge yet very unfounded statement. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but it seems you hold a lot of anger and resentment towards those that can manage an amicable situation. 

JIC you cannot remeber what you said


> The other issue I see with it is, the children aren't as emotionally and mentally developed as adults. That's any children. It could give them false hope that there is a chance that their beloved parents will get back together. I don't know that a parent could get their children to understand that it won't happen, it's just being, "nice".
> 
> ETA: *That would, in my mind, be horribly confusing and abusive to the children*.


It is irrelevant to me personally as I have first hand experience with this and you don't so your opinion is not significant.

No ego, no chip on shoulder. I am sorry you find it so confronting when others disagree with you or call you out on unfounded statements.


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