# Another she loves be but is not attracted to me - what do to?



## trc2010 (Nov 8, 2010)

When I think about my problem i never know where to start. I don't even know if i should even be asking any questions cause for me it is so obvious that i am afraid to hear the answer. Basically to make the story short, I have been married to my wife for 7 years and have been together for 9 years.
We never had great sexual life. I was the one who was only in need, but she never seemed to care. So it was happing once a week or so, but she always was complaining that i wanted it so often. I was stupid and i did not realize what was going on. I was always hoping that it will change someday for better. I believe that all is the effect of the fact that we extremely love each other and care for each other a lot. So in short she loves me as a friend, father, but she is not in love with me and she is not attracted to me. 2 years ago she told me that she needed some space and she rented a studio so she could rethink everything. She also told me for the first time that she never was attracted to me and she was faking in bed to make me happy, but inside she was struggling and could not figure out why there is no attraction. Currently she goes for the therapy, but so far it is not helping. Her therapist says that her love to me is more like love to parent or friend and thats why her mind does not activate any attraction to me. But if above is true why she even started to be with me? Should not have she left me already? We created extremely huge bond between each other and now we don't see live without each other, but there is no sex. I am at my 35s so i want to have family and with no sexual drive there is no way we can make this happen. We respect each other, we don't fight, we spend all the time together, even after she left to leave alone i visit her all the time and she visits me but no sexual drive at all. So I am wondering, should i let her go? But, i cannot imagine live without her, i just cannot. There is this huge love between us but with no attraction from her side. Many sites here and there say about different techniques how to create attraction, etc, but should not this come by itself? I cannot force her to want me? I can make her come through the oral sex, but she says it is all mechanical. U cannot force anyone to want you? Can you? what should I do? I am lost and don't know where to go with it? I cannot imagine leaving with my wife but at the say time how much i love her if I don't want to let her go and maybe experience real love? She never ask for divorce and she is trying to solve our issue but it just does not work, and she cannot get attracted to me? I can give her everything besides that one thing that matters so much. What should I do? I want us to be happy, but is not it selfish to try to make somebody wanting you if they just don't? How come we ended up with such a huge attachment but no desire from her side?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

More than likely she stays because two checks add up to more than one and free babysitting is handy. You aren't in a love relationship. You are in an exploitation situation. The world is full of alive, passionate women who can't wait to curl your toes; who would love you, treat you well and be thankful for the privilege.


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## trc2010 (Nov 8, 2010)

What if that person loves you much a cares of you a lot but for some crazy reason cannot desire you? Is it possible or because there is no desire there cannot be real love?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

trc2010 said:


> What if that person loves you much a cares of you a lot but for some crazy reason cannot desire you? Is it possible or because there is no desire there cannot be real love?


Some women have Zero sex drive, I do not understand this at all , but have seen it talked about on these forums. But it sounds like she has already told you she is not sexually attracted to you. This has got to be a horrible blow. Are you not angry?

Why do you feel she married you? 


The question is: Do you want to live the rest of your life like this , being with someone who has no passion for you - When you feel it so strongly? Will this not eat at you, cause a mountain of pain, resentment, eventually destroy? 

I would think the BEST hopes of creating attraction would be to have Respect for yourself & your own needs as a man , end this marraige and move on to someone you can support who will love you the way you deserve to be loved & cared for, as a man, not as a parent or a friend. 

If she cares anything for you, this will get her attention and she will try to win you back (but you need to have conditions for going back). 

If she does not, what have you really lost ??


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## savevsdeath (Nov 9, 2010)

Bro, it's time to talk to the wife and see if you can't work out a solution. If you love her then thats something worth holding on to and working at, but i propose a radical solution: Talk to her and see if she would let you get your physical needs satisfied elsewhere. Explain to her that you love her and don't want to lose her but that you also have physical needs that she either will not or cannot satisfy, and if shes smart and can push her ego aside she will at least consider it. I've got some prety extensive experience in this respect so feel free to send me a PM if you'd like. 

If she isn't receptive to the idea _and won't try anything else, then it's time to split the assets, file the papers, throw deuces and peace out._


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

She is having an affair. You are a good option but not a priority at the moment. You are a handy babysitter and the rest. Do some checking up on her and you will be strtled at the results. If you ask her, she WILL say no, so don't ask her.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

When women say, " I want to move out for space and time to think..." 

Translation is, " I want to f-ck and blow as many guys off as i want without you all up in my beeswax!" You said you visited her. Did you spend the night? If you didn't, best believe there may have been someone in the wind waiting for you to leave.

My advice is for you to Run Forest Run. You aren't going to save this marriage, because i don't think she is really interested in saving it. I think the help she is going to is going through the usual motions. If she isn't having an affair, she may just not be truly into you any more. Save yourself future grief, and dignity and bounce!


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## trc2010 (Nov 8, 2010)

its not a case of any affair, we spend too much time together , it looks very complicated and she is struggling and trying to find out what is going on with her, yes i know i can go and have s.. with others but this is not a solution i am looking for, i respect her and i either leave , but we don't want to cheat and hurt ourselves, I already had many occasions but as of now i want to fix us if possible, although it looks very scary and sounds like no solution is possible, it looks like the maybe the solution would be to allow her to try with different person and see if she would have a sex drive to him? But this is kind of stupid cause it will damage our relationship and our bond?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

trc2010 said:


> its not a case of any affair, we spend too much time together , it looks very complicated and she is struggling and trying to find out what is going on with her, yes i know i can go and have s.. with others but this is not a solution i am looking for, i respect her and i either leave , but we don't want to cheat and hurt ourselves, I already had many occasions but as of now i want to fix us if possible, although it looks very scary and sounds like no solution is possible, it looks like the maybe the solution would be to *allow her to try with different person and see if she would have a sex drive to him? *But this is kind of stupid cause it will damage our relationship and our bond?


If a friend came to you and asked if this would help out his relationship with his woman... imagine what your response would be. 

This is the best way i can get you to look at cleary what you just said here. In a marriage, you don't get to try out another's man's penis to test your sex drive. You guys have to work this out together, the right way.


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