# Men who don't want to divorce after wife found cheating



## Evinrude58

Men: When your wife suddenly becomes distant, cold, and claims they've been feeling this way for so long because of your bad behavior--- they're cheating. And when they give you the ILYBNILWY speech, I have some advice: Go the next day and file for divorce.
Don't beg, cry, or try to "win her back". Don't think "somewhere hidden deep inside her she still loves me". They DON'T love you. They WILL NOT ever love you again 99.9% of the time.

If you want a chance at that .01% of the time that they will love you again, the only way that will happen is if you IMMEDIATELY FILE FOR DIVORCE and detach and move on. Tell them what trash they are and leave. Show them you're a MAN that doesn't accept a cheating **** for a wife. THey might just be shocked by the divorce and your attitude of self-respect and come out of their state of craziness about some new man that makes them feel "so good about themselves" because you "gave them no attention".

If you beg, offer reconciliation when they say they "are confused", cry and plead-- you are 100% guaranteed to lose your wife.

The good news: if you lose her, you are better off. You then have the opportunity to meet someone else that will truly love you.
That's what happened to me and I'm glad that I got divorced as quickly as possible. Now that I'm over her, I can see what a low character person she is. 

Please, when you guys who discover your wife is a cheater---- please, for your own good, give them the boot out the door.
It's so sad reading these posts from men and women who have been cheated on and flat out told by their wayward spouse that they no longer are in love with their loyal spouse-- and the loyal spouse still wants them back and would give anything to get them back.

A cheating, non-loving spouse, is the last person on earth one needs in their life. Life is too short to let them ruin your happiness. Try to have faith that God is going to make your life better without them, and LEAVE THE CHEATER.

As far as a cheating wife--- once it starts, it never gets better. NEVER.

Rant over.


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## Lostinthought61

you should be posting this over at SI site, most of the men here have balls are found them.


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## Thound

Preach on Brother!!!


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## EunuchMonk

Preaching to the converted.


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## SunCMars

Evinrude58 said:


> Men: When your wife suddenly becomes distant, cold, and claims they've been feeling this way for so long because of your bad behavior--- they're cheating. And when they give you the ILYBNILWY speech, I have some advice: Go the next day and file for divorce.
> Don't beg, cry, or try to "win her back". Don't think "somewhere hidden deep inside her she still loves me". They DON'T love you. They WILL NOT ever love you again 99.9% of the time.
> 
> If you want a chance at that .01% of the time that they will love you again, the only way that will happen is if you IMMEDIATELY FILE FOR DIVORCE and detach and move on. Tell them what trash they are and leave. Show them you're a MAN that doesn't accept a cheating **** for a wife. THey might just be shocked by the divorce and your attitude of self-respect and come out of their state of craziness about some new man that makes them feel "so good about themselves" because you "gave them no attention".
> 
> If you beg, offer reconciliation when they say they "are confused", cry and plead-- you are 100% guaranteed to lose your wife.
> 
> The good news: if you lose her, you are better off. You then have the opportunity to meet someone else that will truly love you.
> That's what happened to me and I'm glad that I got divorced as quickly as possible. Now that I'm over her, I can see what a low character person she is.
> 
> Please, when you guys who discover your wife is a cheater---- please, for your own good, give them the boot out the door.
> It's so sad reading these posts from men and women who have been cheated on and flat out told by their wayward spouse that they no longer are in love with their loyal spouse-- and the loyal spouse still wants them back and would give anything to get them back.
> 
> A cheating, non-loving spouse, is the last person on earth one needs in their life. Life is too short to let them ruin your happiness. Try to have faith that God is going to make your life better without them, and LEAVE THE CHEATER.
> 
> As far as a cheating wife--- once it starts, it never gets better. NEVER.
> 
> Rant over.



Calm down.

Think of fishing in your boat....the Evinrude OB Motor humming along at a slow pace.

Spit out the last remnant of that bitter root canal that you still have in your mouth.

I see it...it is stuck between two burgeoning Wisdom teeth...lower left. Get a swizzle stick, pick it out and flick it Starboard, into the SEA-NO-MORE.

Your' never letting go of a grudge hunches your back....and your Spear-It.

That bent Spear when loosed returns to the sending hand...over and over. Drop it too, in the no-bottom pool....port side.

Enjoy your remaining years, my Friend.


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## 225985

Evinrude58 said:


> Men: When your wife suddenly becomes distant, cold, and claims they've been feeling this way for so long because of your bad behavior--- they're cheating. And when they give you the ILYBNILWY speech, I have some advice: Go the next day and file for divorce.
> 
> Don't beg, cry, or try to "win her back". Don't think "somewhere hidden deep inside her she still loves me". They DON'T love you. They WILL NOT ever love you again 99.9% of the time.
> 
> 
> 
> If you want a chance at that .01% of the time that they will love you again, the only way that will happen is if you IMMEDIATELY FILE FOR DIVORCE and detach and move on. Tell them what trash they are and leave. Show them you're a MAN that doesn't accept a cheating **** for a wife. THey might just be shocked by the divorce and your attitude of self-respect and come out of their state of craziness about some new man that makes them feel "so good about themselves" because you "gave them no attention".
> 
> 
> 
> If you beg, offer reconciliation when they say they "are confused", cry and plead-- you are 100% guaranteed to lose your wife.
> 
> 
> 
> The good news: if you lose her, you are better off. You then have the opportunity to meet someone else that will truly love you.
> 
> That's what happened to me and I'm glad that I got divorced as quickly as possible. Now that I'm over her, I can see what a low character person she is.
> 
> 
> 
> Please, when you guys who discover your wife is a cheater---- please, for your own good, give them the boot out the door.
> 
> It's so sad reading these posts from men and women who have been cheated on and flat out told by their wayward spouse that they no longer are in love with their loyal spouse-- and the loyal spouse still wants them back and would give anything to get them back.
> 
> 
> 
> A cheating, non-loving spouse, is the last person on earth one needs in their life. Life is too short to let them ruin your happiness. Try to have faith that God is going to make your life better without them, and LEAVE THE CHEATER.
> 
> 
> 
> As far as a cheating wife--- once it starts, it never gets better. NEVER.
> 
> 
> 
> Rant over.




Do you think this applies to women? A crying pleading man has no chance, but will that work for women?


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## Evinrude58

I think once a spouse says they want a divorce, they LYBNILWY, and cheating is involved, it's 99% best decision to divorce. The crying and pleading on either side is pointless (I did it). But from a woman's perspective, I think a man crying and pleading is a death knell to any respect she once had for him. Once the ILYBNILWY speech is given, whichever spouse is being betrayed would be far better off, regardless of their desire to reconcile, to IMMEDIATELY file for divorce and follow through with it. I believe once a person's mind has shifted toward someone or something else, their love is gone and it won't return for years, if ever. And I don't think a spouse involved in remorseless infidelity that has the gall to tell their spouse that ILYBINILWY, deserves to ever have the chance to come back to the relationship. 

No crying or pleading..... But I was unable to do keep myself from it, so I understand why it happens. I only wish I could somehow help those people understand who are going through what I did that it's not the end of the world, it's not their fault necessarily (usually not, in my opinion-- if infidelity of any kind is involved), and they CAN find someone that will love them who is far better than their current spouse.

I have never felt more loved by someone as I do today, 2 years after my ex is gone. 
I'm not all that bent out of shape mentally anymore about my own divorce. I just hate seeing my own misery played out again and again and watching people make the same mistakes I did. And I have a different perspective now that I have been through this. There's no changing the mind of a cheater that has decided they want something else. 
I don't think it matters whether it's a man or woman that's decided they want something else. They do, and the crying and pleading just strengthens their idiotic self-image of being superior to their betrayed spouse and that their betrayed spouse is totally unworthy of being loved. This may cause some women to be a little butt-hurt, but I do also believe that women LOVE that sense of power and control that a man begging for them provides, and will just totally get drunk on the power they have over their betrayed spouse. But I may be biased from personal experience--


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## arbitrator

Evinrude58 said:


> Men: When your wife suddenly becomes distant, cold, and claims they've been feeling this way for so long because of your bad behavior--- they're cheating. And when they give you the ILYBNILWY speech, I have some advice: Go the next day and file for divorce.
> Don't beg, cry, or try to "win her back". Don't think "somewhere hidden deep inside her she still loves me". They DON'T love you. They WILL NOT ever love you again 99.9% of the time.
> 
> If you want a chance at that .01% of the time that they will love you again, the only way that will happen is if you IMMEDIATELY FILE FOR DIVORCE and detach and move on. Tell them what trash they are and leave. Show them you're a MAN that doesn't accept a cheating **** for a wife. THey might just be shocked by the divorce and your attitude of self-respect and come out of their state of craziness about some new man that makes them feel "so good about themselves" because you "gave them no attention".
> 
> If you beg, offer reconciliation when they say they "are confused", cry and plead-- you are 100% guaranteed to lose your wife.
> 
> The good news: if you lose her, you are better off. You then have the opportunity to meet someone else that will truly love you.
> That's what happened to me and I'm glad that I got divorced as quickly as possible. Now that I'm over her, I can see what a low character person she is.
> 
> Please, when you guys who discover your wife is a cheater---- please, for your own good, give them the boot out the door.
> It's so sad reading these posts from men and women who have been cheated on and flat out told by their wayward spouse that they no longer are in love with their loyal spouse-- and the loyal spouse still wants them back and would give anything to get them back.
> 
> A cheating, non-loving spouse, is the last person on earth one needs in their life. Life is too short to let them ruin your happiness. Try to have faith that God is going to make your life better without them, and LEAVE THE CHEATER.
> 
> As far as a cheating wife--- once it starts, it never gets better. NEVER.
> 
> Rant over.


*My RSXW not only cheated on me, I have it on reliable authority that she cheated on her now-deceased first husband as well!

Now that she's gotten remarried, but still stays "vocationally" out on the road a great deal of her time, and certainly not that I'm wishing for it to happen, but it really wouldn't surprise me if the "itchy ol' cheating bug" profoundly effects the "spreading mechanism" of her "hot and bothered" loins once again!

Just saying!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine

Evinrude58 said:


> Men: When your wife suddenly becomes distant, cold, and claims they've been feeling this way for so long because of your bad behavior--- they're cheating. And when they give you the ILYBNILWY speech, I have some advice: Go the next day and file for divorce.
> Don't beg, cry, or try to "win her back". Don't think "somewhere hidden deep inside her she still loves me". They DON'T love you. They WILL NOT ever love you again 99.9% of the time.
> 
> If you want a chance at that .01% of the time that they will love you again, the only way that will happen is if you IMMEDIATELY FILE FOR DIVORCE and detach and move on. Tell them what trash they are and leave. Show them you're a MAN that doesn't accept a cheating **** for a wife. THey might just be shocked by the divorce and your attitude of self-respect and come out of their state of craziness about some new man that makes them feel "so good about themselves" because you "gave them no attention".
> 
> If you beg, offer reconciliation when they say they "are confused", cry and plead-- you are 100% guaranteed to lose your wife.
> 
> The good news: if you lose her, you are better off. You then have the opportunity to meet someone else that will truly love you.
> That's what happened to me and I'm glad that I got divorced as quickly as possible. Now that I'm over her, I can see what a low character person she is.
> 
> Please, when you guys who discover your wife is a cheater---- please, for your own good, give them the boot out the door.
> It's so sad reading these posts from men and women who have been cheated on and flat out told by their wayward spouse that they no longer are in love with their loyal spouse-- and the loyal spouse still wants them back and would give anything to get them back.
> 
> A cheating, non-loving spouse, is the last person on earth one needs in their life. Life is too short to let them ruin your happiness. Try to have faith that God is going to make your life better without them, and LEAVE THE CHEATER.
> 
> As far as a cheating wife--- once it starts, it never gets better. NEVER.
> 
> Rant over.


Would you apply the same standard to cheating husbands?


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## 3Xnocharm

aine said:


> Would you apply the same standard to cheating husbands?


I cant speak for Ev, but I would!


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## EllisRedding

aine said:


> Would you apply the same standard to cheating husbands?


This should be gender neutral. IMO cheating is a marriage breaker, simple as that.


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## Evinrude58

aine said:


> Would you apply the same standard to cheating husbands?


"A cheating, non-loving spouse, is the last person on earth one needs in their life. Life is too short to let them ruin your happiness. Try to have faith that God is going to make your life better without them, and LEAVE THE CHEATER."

I thought this was clear on that, but yes I would.


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## jb02157

The only way that I would stay married under these circumstances is if there just isn't enough money to live apart. I know that there unfortunately a lot of men in this situation.


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## Yosemite

Evinrude58 said:


> I just hate seeing my own misery played out again and again and watching people make the same mistakes I did.


Then you shouldn't be here.


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## Evinrude58

I was hoping I might help some of these people that are getting pooped on by their cheating spouses to see what is really happening and not go through what I did. But I agree, seeing these replays isn't good for the psyche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm

Evinrude58 said:


> I was hoping I might help some of these people that are getting pooped on by their cheating spouses to see what is really happening and not go through what I did. But I agree, seeing these replays isn't good for the psyche.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sadly by the time most posters make it to TAM, they are already armpits deep into the crap and traveling the road they should be avoiding. I know I did everything wrong when it happened to me. Its hard to watch others going through it..all we can do is toss our experience out there and hope they catch onto some of it.


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## LucasJackson

jb02157 said:


> The only way that I would stay married under these circumstances is if there just isn't enough money to live apart. I know that there unfortunately a lot of men in this situation.


That was my situation. Was doing in-house separation for a while but then my anger wore off and now I'm rethinking everything. It helps when they're truly remorseful with actions, not words.


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## Yosemite

LucasJackson said:


> T It helps when they're truly remorseful with actions, not words.


That's stating the obvious.


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## tech-novelist

blueinbr said:


> Do you think this applies to women? A crying pleading man has no chance, but will that work for women?


It is much more likely to work for women, because men don't become disgusted by their wives pleading for mercy.

Of course they may be disgusted by how their wives acted during an affair, but that is a different issue.


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## Yosemite

tech-novelist said:


> It is much more likely to work for women, because men don't become disgusted by their wives pleading for mercy.


Says who?

Other than you of course.


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## GuyInColorado

I was just reading on SI a post by an attorney on there who doesn't want to divorce his attorney wife who has been cheating on him the last 10 months, maybe longer. She also filed a restraining order against him so he can't see her or his kid. He wants to reconcile. Hahah. I'd love to see pics of these guys, they have to have no self confidence.


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## tech-novelist

Yosemite said:


> Says who?
> 
> Other than you of course.


Evo-psych predicts this, and I've seen it in action as well.

But really, do you doubt that men and women respond differently to a show of weakness?


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## Yosemite

I don't doubt it for a second. 

But not all men and not all women respond the same way.

You paint with a broad brush.


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## Evinrude58

GuyInColorado said:


> I was just reading on SI a post by an attorney on there who doesn't want to divorce his attorney wife who has been cheating on him the last 10 months, maybe longer. She also filed a restraining order against him so he can't see her or his kid. He wants to reconcile. Hahah. I'd love to see pics of these guys, they have to have no self confidence.


Guy,
Having a woman you love cheat on you is a lot different than you think.
I would have thought the same as you until it happened to me. I was blindsided by what happened. I didn't want to lose my wife-- I loved her dearly at the time, and certainly not my kids. I am in my 40's. I've lost my hair and wasn't in my best shape ever. What my ex did to me was painful beyond comprehension.
I can say this--- don't say what you'd do until it happens to you.

I told my ex to gtfo when I found out about the setting and pics, and men, 4 days after I discovered it, after she said she'd stop.
But I cried like a baby as she drove off. Would have taken her back if she'd had any remorse and said she'd stop. 
I'm a fairly confident person. I forced myself to move on. 
But it was damn hard.

I hope you NEVER know exactly what it feels like. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
You'd def be surprised at what these "wimps" look like. I'll bet some are the strongest, most confident, talented, well-liked men you know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985

GuyInColorado said:


> I was just reading on SI a post by an attorney on there who doesn't want to divorce his attorney wife who has been cheating on him the last 10 months, maybe longer. She also filed a restraining order against him so he can't see her or his kid. He wants to reconcile. Hahah. I'd love to see pics of these guys, they have to have no self confidence.




Or he lives in a no fault father-unfriendly state and does not want to lose 50+% of this wealth and his kids.


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## Cowboy2

Xenote said:


> you should be posting this over at SI site, most of the men here have balls are found them.


What's the SI site?


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## Lostinthought61

Cowboy2 said:


> What's the SI site?


Surviving Infidelity


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## She'sStillGotIt

blueinbr said:


> Or he lives in a no fault father-unfriendly state and does not want to lose 50+% of this wealth and his kids.


Most of the "overly sensitive" guys on SI crying into their beer and begging their wives to love them - even when they've been *completely* disrespected over and over and over again - don't even MENTION fear of losing half their assets or anything else. And some of them are stay at home dads who've been supported by their wives for years, so it's not like they'd be losing their life's work and savings, anyway. 

The one commonality these types of guys do seem to share is a clear loss of their masculinity coupled with being VERY in touch with their feminine sides.


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## 225985

She'sStillGotIt said:


> being VERY in touch with their feminine sides.


Isn't that something women always say they want? My wife wants me to be empathetic, to cry, etc. I don't. Well, maybe if I see a puppy die, but that is about it.


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## unbe

This is simple...People will fight and stay with a wayward because its what they know and are comfortable with. Most people ( I say most not all) fear change of any type so they will put on blinders to stay in something they know.

I was one of those people. I knew my X was no good, I knew she was cheating, I turned the other cheek and carried on as if nothing was going on because I was comfortable in my situation (most of it). Its when you wake up and find your self worth that you can finally face that fear and push through. 

Had my X not have left to pursue her new man I would have continued on like this. I thank god everyday that she did and forced this issue. I have lived through it and come out better on the other end. I owe this to her ( I have thanked her for it)

I know for certain I will never allow this to happen again....Once you have been through it and have proven to yourself all will be ok, its much easier to stop it from happening again. 

I fear most posters wont be able to understand this until they live it....


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