# Feel sick to the stomach!!



## shirley0101 (Jun 15, 2008)

Hi
Sorry, I am a newbie but I just need someone to talk to. I have within in the last 48 hours found out that my partner of five years has joined a dating site and has had meetings with Trangender, transexuals whatever!! (looked through his phone) I feel physically sick!! I know I have neglected him in that area within our relationship BUT!!! he treats me so well and always tells me that he loves me. I dont think I can play act anymore. I am avoiding any contact with him and really do not know which way to turn. I have never been dependent on a man before but I have recently left my employment to try a new venture so I am dependent on him (stupid me). Has anyone here experienced the same? I dont think I can be quiet much longer. The past history has been within the five years I have caught him twice (with woman) before it had started - Dont ask me how I did it must be a sixth sense or something. But this has really taken the wind out of me i thought it was all sorted. How wrong could I of been!.


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## stav (Feb 5, 2008)

You can't avoid this forever. You need to sit down and talk to him about it. If you have been neglecting him as you say, then it's not a surprise that he would start to look elsewhere. There might also be other issues, but even though this seems awful and impossible to deal with now, even the worst things can be sorted out by talking to each other.

You must take the first step.


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## shirley0101 (Jun 15, 2008)

Thank you for your reply, I know I need to talk to him its just I dont know what to say he will walk out. (thats what he did the last time). I am in bits, I have sat here waiting for someone to reply. He is arranging another meet in the next couple of days. Its just so hard I honestly think it was easier when it was a (real) woman he was starting to mess about with. Just to read on his phone that he has already had meetings with a couple of these people. I also read a couple of quite steamy things on his phone I presumed they were with women my stomach is in bits knowing that he was with a trans. At the end of the day I have to look at the fact that I dont think I could sleep with him again after this. Especially on a dating site and he is not one for wearing protection!. Sorry, I do not really know what to say. I have never experienced pain/shock like this before.


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## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

I know this is a difficult time for you & it is difficult to think clearly. Especially since you are probably still in shock & fearful for the future. You mentioned you are afraid he would walk out. . . .
However, it really doesn't sound like you are comfortable with his sexual orientation. And I know quite honestly, I would not be either. And even if he is sorry & says he would not continue ( and even kept his word) - I would have a hard time EVER getting over the sexual orientation issue. 

Let's think practical for a moment - you mentioned you are dependent on him due leaving your last job. 

Re: the sexual relations area - you mentioned you had been neglecting him in that area - correct? Then maybe it would be easier for you to avoid any sexual contact until you decide what you want to do or how you want to bring it up. Guess you can come up with a few excuses - if the situation presents itself, But if you give too many excuses before you talk to him, he may get suspicious?

Let's explore some options . . . Can you go back to your old job/situation which would give you some stabilty or are you too far into your new venture to do that. 
Not sure if you own a place? rent? If it is his/your/or both? Maybe you could still live together until you figured out what to do next. Could you live with parents, a friend - if he does leave. 

try to think of all possible scenarios & how you might be able to handle it & come up with a plan for each. 
good luck


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