# Sick over husbands cheating



## Mjsawyer (Feb 6, 2014)

Im sick over my husband cheating. He says hes been having an emotional affair with someone but its over.. I know its not over.. I know he continues to lie to me.. and my heart is broken. I dont know how to get past this pain. He is becoming cold and nasty. He told me last night "you are not a wife to me and Im not sad our marriage is ending, this is what i need - Im sad I wont see you everyday but Im not sad you wont be my wife". I just dont know how someone you spent the last 14 years of your life with you could say that to. One moment hes kind and caring and the next hes mean and cruel. I cant keep dealing with these emotions.. its just so hard to have to be stuck in the house with him (I was told not to leave house due to abandonment, and he isnt from here and has no where to go until our house is sold) The sad thing is that I dont want to be without him.. even after all he has done. I dont know why i feel like this and I dont know when its going to change.. i am just so sad..


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

MJ

I saw your original thread.

Google the 180. Use it. Practice it everyday and detach from him.

Do it for you.

There are better guys out there.

Your H is a tool. He knows it.

So should you.

*Stop loving him. He is not worthy of your love.*

HM


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Mjsawyer said:


> Im sick over my husband cheating. He says hes been having an emotional affair with someone but its over.. I know its not over.. I know he continues to lie to me.. and my heart is broken. I dont know how to get past this pain. He is becoming cold and nasty. He told me last night "you are not a wife to me and Im not sad our marriage is ending, this is what i need - Im sad I wont see you everyday but Im not sad you wont be my wife". I just dont know how someone you spent the last 14 years of your life with you could say that to. One moment hes kind and caring and the next hes mean and cruel. I cant keep dealing with these emotions.. its just so hard to have to be stuck in the house with him (I was told not to leave house due to abandonment, and he isnt from here and has no where to go until our house is sold) The sad thing is that I dont want to be without him.. even after all he has done. I dont know why i feel like this and I dont know when its going to change.. i am just so sad..


I am so sorry for you. I went through similar issues. You need to detach. He is emotionally abusive and is justifying his asinine by lashing out at you. He is not worth your time. There are plenty of decent guys out there who are.

Go to the gym. Get sunlight on your face daily and get healthy.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Go to the gym. Get sunlight on your face daily and get healthy.


This.

You'll be ok. It is going to suck but you will make it through and life will be better. Start taking the control back NOW. Detach and focus on yourself. Be nice to yourself. Do you have any girlfriends in the area who can provide some emotional support and fun?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Do the 180 and detach from him. Go out as much as you can, gym, malls, etc. 

He is not worth it.


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## DeterminedToThrive (Nov 2, 2013)

Mjsawyer said:


> He told me last night "you are not a wife to me and Im not sad our marriage is ending, this is what i need - Im sad I wont see you everyday but Im not sad you wont be my wife". I just dont know how someone you spent the last 14 years of your life with you could say that to.


He can say that because he is completely immersed in a brain addled, fantasy land that he and the AP have created. He has rewritten the story of your marriage and changed his view of you, ALL to justify staying in fantasy land. HE is the one lacking and has made the choice to have an EA, YOU are in no way at fault for his choices. 

Please, take care of yourself. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

DeterminedToThrive said:


> *He can say that because he is completely immersed in a brain addled, fantasy land that he and the AP have created. * He has rewritten the story of your marriage and changed his view of you, ALL to justify staying in fantasy land. HE is the one lacking and has made the choice to have an EA, YOU are in no way at fault for his choices.
> 
> Please, take care of yourself. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position.


He's not seeing things clearly. He's convinced himself that this other person is his "true love." What patent nonsense! You've been with him, and loved him, and supported him, and gone through God knows what crisis over the years. YOU are his true love because you've accepted him for what he is and loved him through it all. What has his AP done other than communicate with him on the computer? I don't remember who had this as a part of their signature here, but the comment (as well as I can remember) is to the effect that some men throw away a jewel and then pick up the nearest pebble. Never forget that you are the real jewel in his crown. If he loses your love, someday that fact will hit him like a runaway train and he'll mourn the loss of the truly wonderful relationship you two had and the life you had built together. But of course, it will be too late. You most likely will have moved on and found someone who will treat you like the treasure you are, and he'll be on the outside looking in, cursing himself for his stupidity. Be strong. Be well.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He's a pig. Give him a wake call by serving him with D papers. He probably thinks you won't actually go through with it. Do it. If he wants to R, that would be your choice, not his. Then he would have to bust his ass to earn that shot. But you have to be prepared to lose your marriage in order to save it.


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## Mjsawyer (Feb 6, 2014)

This is devestating. Everything I thought my life would be has been completly turned upside down. I never thought I would be in this place. I feel like a fool to have trusted him for so long and believed every word that has come out of his mouth. I feel like Im being tortured.


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