# Love Addiction?



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Has anyone ever seriously gotten into what it really takes to say one has a love addiction?

When I read about it I check some of the boxes but many of them just seem like insecurity issues. IE, I've been cheated on in my last 3 relationships so I don't think my trust issues are because of my upbringing. Just curious if anyone has dug into this or has opinions. I pasted one of their lists below.


Most Common Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:

Lack of nurturing and attention when young
Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
Highly manipulative and controlling of others
Unrealistic expectations of others in relationships
Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
Hidden Pain / Denial
Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
Need for positive regard
Tolerance for high-risk behavior
Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
Confusion of sexual attraction with love at first sight
For some, a tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment
Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration
Existence of a secret “double life”
Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Puddle Of Mudd - She Hates Me


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Love is a drug just like cocaine, heroin, cigarettes, alcohol, pot.

The government has their hand in all five, for a reason.

Well... the government does have their hand in taxing love, it's called divorce.

Now if they could only tax the honeymoon stage......


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## rolander (Sep 25, 2015)

Love Addiction/Love Avoidance is a common addiction that codependent people suffer from. The symptoms that you describe are also codependence patterns. Most addictions stem from codependence. It can be traced back to your childhood. In my case, I was badly abused by both parents and took care of my drug addicted mother. The energy growing up flowed from me to my parents. When I became an adult or rather, an adult child, I would people please and bend over backwards to get my girlfriend to like me. I attracted 'takers' into my life because all I knew was how to give. I didn't know who I was and what I wanted in a relationship because I never learned how to do that in childhood. I only knew how to take care of others. Consequently, whenever I was in a relationship, I would eventually become frustrated because of not getting what I wanted even though I didn't really know the answer to that question. 

Everyone's life history is unique. If I was you, I would attend Codependence Anonymous meetings (CODA). They have them in most large metropolitan areas (look them up online at coda.org). They are also additional meetings on Love Addiction/Love Avoidance. I would get and read Pia Mellody's book on Love Addiction/Love Avoidance. By doing this myself 6 years ago, I have been able to break at least some of my self-defeating patterns. It is not easy and I will be doing this the rest of my life. I am much happier now because of it although I am still in a marriage that is codependent. But, that will be changing soon enough. Good Luck!


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Love addiction is a popular term given to pathological behavior that includes the feeling of being in love. That is distinctly different than actually being in a loving relationship.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I can greatly identify with "love addiction!" Moreso than falling in love again with a beautiful woman and then seeing it "go South" in infidelity for a third consecutive time!

Been there! Done that! No big rush to ever go back!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tulanian (Feb 23, 2013)

sd212 said:


> Has anyone ever seriously gotten into what it really takes to say one has a love addiction?
> 
> When I read about it I check some of the boxes but many of them just seem like insecurity issues. IE, I've been cheated on in my last 3 relationships so I don't think my trust issues are because of my upbringing. Just curious if anyone has dug into this or has opinions. I pasted one of their lists below.
> 
> ...


I'm no shrink, but that list reads like a combination of codependency and borderline personality disorder.

Whether or not "love addiction" actually fits those clinical definitions, there's something to it. Probably a lot of people are prone to it without realizing. 

I certainly am, always had to have a girlfriend in high school. Wound up dating like 18 different girls in three years. When I met my (now ex) wife I tried NOT to do ANY of what I had done before, because I had started to realize that I was in love with the idea of being in love. I wanted it so much I willed it into existence in my own heart, usually quite foolishly. So I tried to make things "real" with my wife...and wound up really codependent with a relationship foundation that was bound to fail once one or both of us realized what we were doing. 

It seems likely that the "love addiction" side of things interacts with certain personality disorders, and also possibly with some variants of autism.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Love addiction, codependency, BPO, Nice Guy Syndrome etc. Call it what you want but they all stem from the inner self. Whatever label we choose to place on it, is just the one that happens to speak to us. All of them arise from some basic flaw in our thought processes. Regardless of what you call it, the key is to acknowledge it and to make intentional efforts to overcome it.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I counted about 7 that describe my sister in law and that's because there's some I can't answer because I can't get inside her head but I sure there's more. She had/is having an affair with a coworker. My brother in law has said that she needs that constant feeling of "love at first sight" or that "wedding day" feeling. He looks back and there were so many red flags. He's filing for divorce next week. It will be her 2nd failed marriage and she's only 38.


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