# Just a vent



## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Sorry I have never really posted my full story. It’s long and quite common so there is probably no need. Here is the short story. Married 11 years. In our early 30’s. Two children ages 5 and 7. D-Day discovered wife cheated on me November 12th 2010. Serious EA and mild PA (no intercourse).

We are doing pretty good lately. Ups and downs. Emotions on the rollercoaster but good for the most part. We are both trying really hard and being respectful to each other. I really feel like we will be fine and we totally love each other. In other words….we are doing great considering what has happened.


So today we are eating lunch together and my wife is talking about one of her girlfriends who just found out that she is pregnant. I think in a half joking but half serious way she looks at me and asks “would you have another baby”. OMG….I was stunned. I must have had this look of pure shock on my face and she read into it in an instant. All she could say was “I’m going to try to have a thick skin about this” and we changed the topic very quickly. Of course the mood for the rest of the meal was ruined, but we were polite and nice to one another.

So now I’m sitting here wondering why in the hell she would ask me something like that? What did she expect me to say? While she’s at it she may have well asked why I’m going to put off building our dream house for a couple years, and why I have changed my mind about getting a vasectomy all of a sudden.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

It was a fitness test. You failed. Although I'm not sure what she was really looking for.

Correct response, with humor...

"well, I'm not decided upon that yet, it's too early to tell. But hey! If you want to try practicing on making one a whole lot, I'd be willing to accommodate those making baby dry runs with you!. But I'm warming you....I am going to need lots and lots of practice with this before we actually decide upon anything...I'd say, 5 days a week, at least'"

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Thanks for the positive thoughts  This is something I just need to watch out for in the future. I want to say the right things because I want to make this work. I know I should feel very different about a lot of things in time.

Right now, I'm just being overly cautious. Last thing I want is to have her cheat again, divorce, take me for everything I have worked for, and leave me sterile.

If I had known she was capable of cheating on me I would have never let myself fall in love with her, been married, and I would have never had children. Its that simple.

Now its complicated. I'm attached. I genuinely love her with all my heart. We have kids.

Cant wait for a couple years to pass...lol


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

it-guy said:


> I want to say the right things


WRONG!

You want to say what's on your mind. And you say them with confidence. Get your wife OFF the pedestal you made for her. She is a woman. Simple. Not a princess.

This is so Mr. nice Guy, I could slap you. But only out of caring.

Be you! Say what you want! Show confidence. Pass fitness tests with humor! Protect your boundaries! Make her see that you are deserving of respect. Make her fall in love again with the confident man who knows himself, is himself, will stand up for himself, and protect what is his ( including your marriage and your love for your wife).

If you are scared to say what you mean for fear of upset, you are weak. This will show. She will lose respect. You need to be a man. Make your own destiny. Never be afraid of losing a woman. Control your emotions. If you are afraid, sooo much will pass you by, both by avoiding what you fear, but by also not letting in the chance that things will get better by not being afraid.

Insert your ROAR here, btw. Go ahead....practice it a bit. Now. Yes, right now. Then go grab the world by the nuts and go make things happen!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Btw. Every woman in the world is capable of cheating on you. On me too! Don't let this fear consume you. 

You knw what.....?! You are also capable of cheating on her, too. Given the right conditions and marital issues, hey, it could happen. That's why we have free will and morals. Sometimes we can just forget them for a while.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Pretty sure I cannot cheat. I always felt that way before. Now I am sure about that. Like everyone else here, it affected me in ways that I never knew possible. There is no pain greater. I know that my morals would have me eat a bullet before doing it. 

I talked with her as soon as I got home from work. I told her that we do not need to discuss anything that involves a long term commitment for "us" or "me" for a while. I am not ready to make any decisions about those things. And, I would not want her to hold me to anything that I decide today. I restated my commitment to getting through this, and so did she.


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