# Is anyone here raising the OMs child?



## RichardTornApart (Aug 20, 2011)

I have heard many thoughts and suggestions from people who have been in many situations. Most of them are very sincere and helpful expressions and I do value them. But I have not heard from anyone who has been in this situation first had. There is probably no one in here that is in that situation. I suspect it is pretty uncommon for a wife to have an extramarital affair that results in a child and even more uncommon for the husband to stick with her and attempt to restore the marriage and raise the child.

But just in case, I thought I would ask. So, are there any men out there on this forum that have found themselves in this unfortunate situation where their wife became pregnant from a extramarital affair, whether there was any decption about paternity initially or not, that once they did find out have been trying to work things out with there wife, keeping the marriage intact and raising the other mans child?

Thanks,
Richard


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I dont have the experience you are asking about here but I dont know if you have considered the legal and financial consequences to yourself of raising another man's children.

I have read your other thread where you stated the twins are not biologically yours.

May I suggest that you consider whether you are going to be legally and financially responsible for the twins till they are 18 plus years. That's a heavy burden to assume given you are the innocent party in your wife's affair(s).

Also, since she is an alcoholic, there is a very good chance that the twin have medical/health issues. For eg, fetal alcohol syndrome. Being an alcoholic while pregnant meant your wife was not eating well and the nutrients the twins needed were deficient. And there were 2 of them, thus much more demand. Also, the alcohol itself in the blood affects how the fetuses developed. Basically the twins may have future medical issues that can severely impact you financially.

I suggest you need to know legally where you stand on raising another person's children should you decide to continue to raise them. Consult a damm good lawyer -- your future depends on it. I suggest you do so now because time is against you.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Also, quite frankly, any money and time you spend on the twins would be better spent on your own 15 years old.


----------



## RichardTornApart (Aug 20, 2011)

aug,

Thanks for your feedback. Yes, I agree I need to carefully consider those factors. I have been in touch with an attorney regarding those matters. I need to scrape up some money for a consultation with another attorney to make sure I am getting solid information. But as I understand it right now, I am legally and financially responsible until such time as we divorce and I challenge paternity. This varies from state to state and is not the same in other places. I cannot challenge paternity as long as we are married. If and when we divorce, I may challenge paternity and when the results come back that I am not the biological father I would no longer be legally or financially responsible.

I understand what you are saying and I am certainly taking those factors into account. I mostly just want to know, setting aside some of my specific situation, is there anyone who is even trying to make it work with their spouse and raise the child from the affair? or has everyone who has been in a situation like that ended it? I'm not saying I would decide my situation based on what someone else is doing either. I would just like to know if there is...

Thanks,
Richard


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

8yearscheating was a member on here till he got banned who is raising the OM's child in his marriage. Might take a look at his threads.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WhatWhere (Apr 29, 2011)

MarriageBuilders forum has a sub forum dedicated to the issues of raising the OC. Infidelity->Pregnancy/Child.


----------



## RichardTornApart (Aug 20, 2011)

pidg70,

Thanks, I looked at some of them and will look at more of them. Thats a tough situation, but may be a little easier since it looks like the OC was already 15 when he found out... then again, it could make it way more difficult to deal with. In any case, there may be some gems and I'll look at more of them.

Angel5112,

Thank you very much for your post. If I may ask (and if I may not please accept my apology and disregard), was that the result of an affair or before you were with your H? And if it was the result of an affair did he find out about the affair after already thinking the child was his for sometime?

Yes, that is what I struggle with right now. They are twins, and the boy (as I understand it) looks like the OM. I havent seen him so dont know, but I know he doesnt look like me and now I struggle to look at him sometimes, it is just so painful and then I feel like such a horrible person since it is not his fault at all, they are both the only truly innocent ones and it breaks my heart that they were brought into this mess.

This will probably sound aweful and I feel subhuman for feeling this way, but... Right now, I do love them, but its not the same. I cannot say that I would be willing to raise them without her. I cannot say that I wouldnt either. I am struggling with it. I vacillate daily. I think I can and dont understand how I could have felt otherwise and then I think I cant and feel sick to my stomach. I think if I had known before they were born, I would not have wanted to raise them. I think that if it had been a couple of years I would not have wanted to let them go. But I found out after 6 months and I am... well... torn apart over it...

Thank you again for replying.

WhatWhere,

Thank you very much. I have looked at that a little. I will look some more... I found another one as well and I have more to read than I can imagine getting through. Trying to find the most helpful posts on them and I'm sure I will find stuff that helps.

Thanks again to all...

Regards,
Richard


----------



## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

Richard--

That you are having the feelings you are experiencing makes you human. That you are seriously considering bringing the twins into you life makes you an admirable and compassionate man. You don't owe them fatherhood. It would be your gift to them and your wife. Of course if you decide to give that gift, you then would owe them fatherhood.

Whichever way you end up, you will still be an admirable, moral, and compassionate man.

I wish you well in your journey.


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

As soon as I saw the title of this thread, I felt so depressed and didn't want to even open it. Good God, why a man has to be put into this kind of spot? If you tell me that you used to be indeed such a horrible human being to deserve this, I would at least feel somewhat relieved. But, you seem such a caring soul with a good heart, this just depresses me. Gosh.

I have 6yr old son and 11 yr old daughter for whom I have the primary custody. My XW had A and I divorced her. Throughout my M, my XW was always a free spirit doing whatever she wanted to do and see whoever she wanted to see. Now, looking back how she used to be, I recently began to question the paternity of my two children. It was an awful thought and I agonized over whether I should do paternity test or not. You know what? I finally decided not to. It's because I already vested the last decade of life raising them, and even if either of them turn out not my real child, what am I supposed to do? I love them and they know me as their real dad no matter what. 

In your case, things are very different. You are not attached to the twins. Of course, you may have participated in their birth and changed a few diapers, but there is no emotional bonding between you and them, as they hardly even know you. As a father, our bond is based more on the emotional attachment we develop thru years of spending time with them, caring for them, protecting them, doing things with them, recognizing the little resemblences here and there, etc... 

Unfortunately for you, first and foremost, they are the reminder of your W's A. And, that will never change. Do not jump into such heavy commitment lightly. Let me add another thing that has been bothering me. It's no secret that I hate my XW's guts. Even my kids know. Whenever I see my XW's traits in my kids, the way the boy smiles, the shape of their eyes, the daughter's laid back personalities, the boy's obesity issue, etc, I cannot help feeling such disgust in them. It comes and goes like a flash, but still it is a disturbingly strong surge of emotion. I feel gulty as though I am betraying them in my mind. What worries me even more is the thought of what if these traits become more apparent as they grow older? Will I come to hate them as I hate my XW? 

I share these stuff with you, since for some reasons I feel there is something relevant to your situation there. All I am saying is, it is a huge responsiblity and a long long commitment. If you are not sure you can handle it, don't dare start it.


----------



## RichardTornApart (Aug 20, 2011)

Voiceofreason,

Thank you very much for your kindness. I wish everyone saw things the same way that people on here seem to.

sadcalifornian,

Yes, it is pretty f'ing depressing. I'm not perfect by a long shot, but yes, I believe I am a good person. 

I remember all to well the feeling I had when the thought first occurred to me that it was possible that they were not mine. It was horrible. At the time she had said that the affair was only physical a couple of times and it was always with protection and based on the timeline she was giving me, it was not possible that they were his. But then a couple of days later it just hit me like an anvil. She had already lied so much and I was sure she was still lying, but was she lying that much?

So I told her I was thinking that I wanted to get a paternity test, I really just wanted to get her reaction and to see if it was even a possibility that they were not mine. I mean after all, if it had been only a couple of times, with protection and given the timeline she had provided, there was no way they could be his. So I asked... She was still not being very open and honest at this time, but I could tell immediately by her reaction that it actually WAS possible that they were not mine. I dug for more details about the affair to confirm if it was possible and/or the liklihood that they were not mine.

At the time I really dont think I wanted to know for sure or at the least, I was undecided on wanting to know. I just wanted to know if it was possible. But then she said that the boy looked like the OM and that she had thought he was his since birth and had even told the OM that she thought he was his... When the earth stopped shaking beneath me I knew in my heart he was not mine. I really didnt even need the paternity test anymore.

The only question left was the girl. The boy and the girl do not look that similar. Their hair is different. Their complextion is slightly different. Their personalities are very different. And they are fraternal twins, not identical. However slim the odds, it is possible for a woman to give birth to fraternal twins where each child was fathered by a different man. All of the sudden I felt like my fairly normal middle class life had just slipped into the territory of being fit for Jerry Springer.

I felt I HAD to know if she was mine. If I qas going to do that, I might as well confirm what I already knew about him too. I tried not to allow myself to think that she was mine. I kept telling myself and others that we were certain that both of them were the OM's. But somewhere inside me, I was apparently loosing ground on that fight and had started convincing myself that she was mine, even though I was certain he wasn't. When I finally got the results that there was 0% chance that I was the biological father of either child I was yet again devistated.

I dont blame you one bit. In all honesty, if I had been further along in raising them, just by a year or two, I would definitely not have wanted to know. Even at only 6 months, I am not sure I wanted to know... I did not expect her to say anything like that and when she did, there was no taking it back. I just knew and once you do know, you can never "unknow" it.

You are correct. Everytime I look at them or think about them I think about the affair and the OM. I understand where you are coming from completely. It is painful to know that the actions of someone else can have such a strong effect on us that it impairs our thoughts or feelings about the children. I have to believe that there are things we can do to cultivate the good feelings we have for them when we start to feel negative due to their heritage. At least that would be my hope. I guess I need to research that a bit...

In any case, what you have shared is extremely relevant and helpful. Thank you so much for your kindness. I agree that this can't be taken lightly. I must do right by the kids and what is best for them, not for me, not for her... If I can't handle being the father they deserve then I shouldn't screw up their lives by dabbling in it.

Thanks Again,
Richard


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

RichardTornApart said:


> I agree that this can't be taken lightly. *I must do right by the kids and what is best for them, not for me, not for her*... If I can't handle being the father they deserve then I shouldn't screw up their lives by dabbling in it.



And do right for the real biological father(s) of these 2 kids. Their father(s) also have the right to be involved with their lifes.

I would think the real father(s) have more responsibility to their children instead of you. Or, at least be given that opportunity to do so.


----------



## RichardTornApart (Aug 20, 2011)

Thanks aug,

I already have. About 2 weeks ago, I texted him from my email. I let him know who I was and that I knew. I asked him a handful of questions including if he wanted to be part of their lives and if he did, whether or not he would be able to handle me being present for any visits. I wasn't asking for financial or other support, just if he wanted to be involved in raising them. I also asked him if he was not in their lives and they wanted to find him when they got older was he ok with that.

His basically never indicated that he had any desire to be part of their lives. He made it clear that he was willing to, but again, never indicated that he wanted to. He pretty much just kept saying that he would do the best he could to support them in anyway that was needed. He said he could handle visiting with me present, but again no indication of desire to do so. He said he would be there for them if they wanted to contact him later. Basically he is willing to do what he can, when it is asked of him. But it felt pretty clear to me that it would only be if he was asked to. If I am involved, then I have no intention of asking him to be any part of their life.

As far as rights and responsibilities, it depends on context.

Legally, (at least here in Florida) the biological father has no rights or responsibilities for any child that is born into an "intact" marriage. Yes, you read that right. If a man gets a woman pregnant that is married to someone else and she gives birth to the child while still married, then he gives up all of rights to expect any involvement and the wife/husband give up all of their rights to have him provide any support for the child. Basically (as I understand it) in order for that to change either the biological father would have to adopt them or the couple would have to divorce followed by one of the three challenging paternity.

Morally, I dont believe the biological father has any rights or responsibilities in this situation as long the husband wants to raise the child. I don't think he has any right to expect anything and as such has no responsibility for anything. If the husband does not want to raise the child, then the biological father has responsibility to provide for and support the child and as such has certain rights.

That said, even though I don't think the biological father has any rights to a relationship or involvement with the children, I do think that they (the children) have a right to have their biological father in their lives. Obviously as infants they can't really excercise their rights or even express their desire. For that matter, I can't imagine they would even be able to have a preference other than that which best meets their emotional and physical needs. And because of that, it would be my opinion that the husband and wife should be able to decide which they think is in the best interest of the child until the child is old enough to make their own decisions.

For me it boiled down to does he really want to be involved in their lives? If so, then do I have any serious and legitimate concerns that his involvement would be bad for them? If not, then I would not want to have to explain to the children when they got older, why I forced their biological father out of their lives.

Since he has not expressed any sincere interest in being involved in their lives and IF I stay with their mother, then not only would I not ask him to be involved, but most likely I would not give him another opportunity to be. I would not willingly allow him to come and go, only being involved when it was beneficial or convinient for him. If he wants to be inolved and can be consistently involved in a healthy and productive way that is beneficial for them, then thats one thing. Otherwise, he gets nothing as he has earned nothing and deserves nothing.

Again, thats all just my opinion and no one has to agree with me.

Thanks,
Richard


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Richard, I want you to remember one thing. On your worst day you will wake up a better person then your wife could ever hope to be again. That is just the facts.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> Richard, I want you to remember one thing. On your worst day you will wake up a better person then your wife could ever hope to be again. That is just the facts.


Yes, :iagree:

Richard, it appears you have thought about this matter a lot. Tough decisions your wife is forcing you to make. 

I hope she doesnt keep trying to drag you down to her level.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Richard,

I think you are hiding behind being kind and noble to these twins instead of taking care of the situation like your gut tells you too. You're gathering facts and being super rational, but in the end the facts are that your wife blatantly cheated on you. She lied about it even when caught. She already knew she had saddled you with the OMs bastard children. That is nearly at the top of the list of the heinous things a wife can do to betray a marriage.

You need to realize that your wife is toxic to you and you 15yr olds self respect and happiness. She needs to face the consequences of her choices. The twins do have a mother and a father. Neither one of which is you. Your wife left the marriage a while ago. You need to accept that and complete it officially. The twins are their mother and fathers responsibility. You seem to be hiding behind the twisted rules and laws of FL to justify why you should convince yourself to accept what your wife has done with no consequences to her. None: she gets to keep the home, the paycheck, and have you raise her children.

Please stand up to her deceit and follow your gut. It's telling you very important facts such as she will continue to be the same person who cheated on you in the past, she will have learnt that she can do anything and you will let her do it without serious consequence. She will cheat and cheat again, because there is no reason for her not too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Shaggy is right. She is using your kindness and love to manipulate you. She is literally guilting you into slavery or indentured servitude with what shes done. At minimum you are her cuckold.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Get the pTernity test and leave her no man should be subjected to such utter disrespect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> Shaggy is right. She is using your kindness and love to manipulate you. She is literally guilting you into slavery or indentured servitude with what shes done. At minimum you are her cuckold.



You both are right.

I would say that Richard is analyzing his situation and being caught up with his emotions. 

If this was my situation, the decision would be to not get involved with other men's children. I have enough issues of my own and more that fate will throw at me without deliberately adding massive responsibilities and heartaches for the next 2 decades.

But some people like to have continuous drama in their lives.


----------



## Romeo_Holden (Sep 17, 2011)

Don't raise the kids. No one will win in a situation like this, not you, not the twins and not your own child. Honestly and i mean no harm...your wife is an awful person,this choice she made will mess up the lives of you and the young ones, you can try be supportive the best you can but a divorce wouldn't be a bad choice trust me, the dating world outside of marriage is not a bleak place, you just have to make the effort to be seen. I don't know everything about you,and you may not be perfect but you sound like a decent man, you have to think about your daughter as well and how this could affect her ...one day the twins will realize that they dont look like you and so will your daughter how will that knowledge affect them? how will they be able to relate to their mom?..you gotta do what's right for them even if it hurts you to do it...trust me you will be able to deal with it and appreciate that decision in due time


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The problem I see is that bonding has already taken place between you and the children. Granted that they are less than one year old but the longer you remain a presence in their lives, the harder it will be for both you and them to separate. If you were to choose to separate and file for divorce, the damage to them and to you would be minimal. There's also something else that you should consider and that is the possibility that without you in the picture, the OM may feel free to approach your WW with the intention of seeing and becoming a part of his children's lives.

Lastly Richard, would you honestly say that a woman who has done the things that your wife has done, should be in a committed relationship like marriage? I think you know the answer to this.


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

Romeo_Holden said:


> Don't raise the kids. No one will win in a situation like this, not you, not the twins and not your own child. Honestly and i mean no harm...your wife is an awful person,this choice she made will mess up the lives of you and the young ones, you can try be supportive the best you can but a divorce wouldn't be a bad choice trust me, the dating world outside of marriage is not a bleak place, you just have to make the effort to be seen. I don't know everything about you,and you may not be perfect but you sound like a decent man, you have to think about your daughter as well and how this could affect her ...one day the twins will realize that they dont look like you and so will your daughter how will that knowledge affect them? how will they be able to relate to their mom?..you gotta do what's right for them even if it hurts you to do it...trust me you will be able to deal with it and appreciate that decision in due time


I agree with this, Richard.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Don't raise these children. Get away from that woman, protect your own child.

Move quickly.

What a huge tragedy. Only to get bigger if you stay with her.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

All I know it is extremely difficult and will be more difficult if your wife is not remorseful , if the OM is still around it makes it almost impossible for the family to contain any harm and if you wish to have children of your own how willing is your wife.

A member of my family raised two children sired from an OM , his wife has subsequently had one more child that is his . The OM tried to show up when the daughter was 18 this caused a lot of pain and anguish . The wife had to stand by her husband , hire a lawyer and explain to both older children that she cheated all those years ago. This all happened some 10 years past , even today at extended family events I see the pain in his eyes , both children now adults call him dad and the one has children that call him grandad . When I look at his wife I don't see her doing any heavy lifting to help take her husbands hurt away. It was only once when he decided to move out for a while did she start panicking and doing everything to help him heal, as an outsider looking in that was short-lived . 

He had her sign a post-nup , she has no say on the finances and there is no significant monies in an account for her to get to.

You will be a brave man to walk this journey.

Has your wife expressed true remorse if so what is she willing to do to help you. It is her attitude and actions that will help you - or not, if she does not do her everything to protect your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

It's got to be really rough to see in the child a reminder of your wife's infidelity. However, the fact that you are the one who is the parent shows that your marriage was stronger than her disrespectful and wayward behavior.

Just remember that it isn't the child's fault for being born out of this transgression. If it helps, maybe consider yourself a step-father, or consider time that you give to the child an act of extreme generosity and kindness. People so often raise children that are not biologically their own. The child will learn about fathers from you and how you are a father to that child. You can have a good relationship with the child if you find a way to connect in a manner that forges a relationship that is not dependent on the transgressive origin of that child's being. 

I'm sorry that this must be a conflicted thing for you. I don't have kids of my own, though I wanted them, so I can say that you have the chance for something great, even if it came from something negative. You're the dad this kid gets.

I don't know what your views are on counseling, but I recommend getting a counselor to help you with issues that might come up. You're a good person for accepting your wife after her terrible behavior and a better person for being willing to raise the child.

Oh, one more thing -- if your wife isn't fully committed to your marriage, isn't treating you with respect, or even doing the work of being truly remorseful; I'd reconsider staying in the relationship. What you're doing for the child is noble -- but NOT if it is keeping you in a situation that is bad for you because then, no one wins except the wayward wife who deserves no rewards for her bad behavior. So, my comments on the welfare of the kid and your decency are secondary to the question of whether or not you are in a situation that is healthy and tolerable for you.


----------



## DesperateHouseWife (Oct 24, 2011)

This florida law is really stupid. They can't force a husband to father or support a child that might not be there. Come on!!! DNA test should come first before anything.That is the worst of the worst bringing in children from A then wanting the W or H to rasie the kids yeah whatever! What happen if instead of a pregnancy your wife bought you AIDS/HIV STD herpes anything out there. This is serious issues. I'm no angel,but I was in (important field can't say it on here) to know if the person I had A with had any diseases once so ever,cause I couldn't had lived with my self knowing I had an A and also a disease.... I would had never been healing now.


----------



## RadicallyAccepting (Oct 19, 2011)

I have 8 kids. It didn't take a year or 6 months or 2 days for me to bond with the children.

It took the first time I held each child.

I'd be torn up if I was in Richard's situation. But simply telling him to walk away just isn't an option. First, Florida law, whether you agree with it or not, says Richard is the father of those children, and until a court says otherwise he is legally obligated to support those children. Second, he may very well have bonded with the children.

Good luck, Richard. You are a good man.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RadicallyAccepting said:


> I have 8 kids. It didn't take a year or 6 months or 2 days for me to bond with the children.
> 
> It took the first time I held each child.


Yes, your own children who are not a horrible daily reminder of your wifes infidelities and a physical reminder of the man she chose over you.



> I'd be torn up if I was in Richard's situation.


Are you male?



> But simply telling him to walk away just isn't an option. First, Florida law, whether you agree with it or not, says Richard is the father of those children, and until a court says otherwise he is legally obligated to support those children.


Oh indeed it is an option.
A good lawyer and a DNA test and he`s free as a bird.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I also want to add that I live in Florida and while he would be legally responsible for child support it would take them years to collect it if he refused.
I know from personal experience, Florida doesn`t give a damn if a deadbeat dad pays or not.

By that time he would be free of this horror show


----------



## DesperateHouseWife (Oct 24, 2011)

Oh indeed it is an option.
A good lawyer and a DNA test and he`s free as a bird.[/QUOTE]:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## BaileysWife2008 (Dec 2, 2011)

I am going through the same things kinda. I am having to make the decision if I want to accept a child that was the result of an affair my husband was having. We have two boys our own ages 2 and 3. We have been married for almost four years. She of course kept the kid trying to keep him in her life. My emotions are going in all different directions. Mind you he left because he started using meth and I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Trust me there is lot alot more to the story that just that though. But I feel you and I so far I have decided to fight for my marriage and keep praying that GOD will help us through this. Mind you he is currently incarcerated right now also


----------



## MixFeelings (Mar 21, 2012)

I don't know if anyone is even accessing this thread any longer, but yes, you have found someone that is in your shoes Richard. I am in the same boat, have been for 2 years, and that's without counting the pregnancy period. I have decided to stay and duke it out and try to rebuild a marriage that was left in shambles, and try to climb out of the deepest hole I have ever felt in my life. All I can say is that this is not a walk in the park, and there are days that I wake up asking myself what the hell Am I doing sticking around, and then I look at this little girl smile and my heart melts telling me its not her fault. I guess besides all the good responses posted here, one really has to be in your shoes to understand what you are going through. But the only difference I am noticing here is that I will never allow the OM around or near my family. He is what I consider the main cause of my problems, and his lack of respect to my family and my marriage along with my wife is what brought me to this situation. Just the fact of coexisting with this person in the same world upsets me. I know my wife is the other part responsible for the problem, but it is hard to part with someone you built a life together and loved, and had your future planed with for all these years.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I am sure we would all like an update from Richard, if he is still around.


----------



## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

My 2 cents - a day late and a dollar short, keep the kids, divorce the wife. In many states, I do not know about FL., a child of a marriage is presumed to be of the husband (for the best interests of the child - the laws predate paternity tests). Sue for primary custody and give them a good home. If she challenges custody, and might win, you can reassess the divorce.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Why they chooses OMs SPERM over yours? was it that much bad?

Some were in the infidelity thread I read a lady saying:
"Her husband is rich and have a great social life but he is Physically weak, she wanted kids from physically strong men. so she had it with them three kids with three OMs, Her husband is not aware of this and she dont have any intention to tell him and loose the financial and social security she and her kids have"

Is your wides too belong to this category? MAY BE they were also wanting for the child of a true alpha male, which none of you were.The above lady was bragging about her choice. Is your wife's are also bragging to her friends behind your back? Is she saying them How cuckold my husband is? I have the kids of the person i wanted to be my children s father and a man to babysit them for free of cost.

Richard and MixFeelings if you are reading this, your wife was known about her child's true father was OM, or she was having a doubt the child was yours, why she didn't go for an abortion? Only reason may be that she judged you well as a cuckold and a doormat whom she can bend as she needs and make you babysit some ones seed. As they know you people don't have any self respect and you yourself will find some excuse to stay with WW, (like bonding with children, true Love for WW, but only truth is that you are afraid)

Dont allow OM around your WW, else you will raise another child of OM soon.


----------



## Gransdad (Jan 23, 2013)

I am in this situation, my wife is bipolar and 3 and half years ago began having an emotional affair with a extended family member (cousins step brother). She had a breakdown and ended up having sex with him over a period of a week. she was baker acted and was in a mental health facility for 3 weeks after she came home my intent was to divorce her this was not the first time that we have had these issues. The complication was that we have 4 children together and 1 each from previous marriages. While she was in the hospital she had a urine pregnancy test that was negative however I took her to have a blood pregnancy test which turned out to be positive. There is almost no chance I am the bio dad I had a vasectomy after our last child. I decided to stay for a few reasons the first and foremost being that the child would be my other children's sibling, that even though I feel my wife bears a lot of the responsibility for this "affair" i do feel that it occurred in part to her bipolar "episode". My daughter is two now and I love her with all my heart and though I question my love at times for her mother, I know that i do not ever question my decision of giving my daughter a stable father. I also am from Florida and am fully aware that putting my name on the birth certificate while in a "stable" marriage makes me her father. There is a real possibility that the baby is not even a result of her affair with the extended family member, she was sexually acting out while in the hospital so there's no real proof of who her bio dad is. I did speak with the individual who she was with and he was more concerned with child support than the baby. I advised him that he was off the hook and I would take care of her. We moved out of state and have restarted our lives. The only issue is what do we tell her. Secrets sink families she deserves better than finding out when she is an adult.


----------



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

RichardTornApart said:


> I am legally and financially responsible until such time as we divorce and I challenge paternity. This varies from state to state and is not the same in other places. I cannot challenge paternity as long as we are married. If and when we divorce, I may challenge paternity and when the results come back that I am not the biological father I would no longer be legally or financially responsible.


Being divorced or filing for divorce has nothing to do with challenging paternity. You refuse to sign the birth certificate stating you are not the dad and want a DNA paternity test. If the child has already been born and the BC has already been signed the BH better move fast before the courts will not allow him back out.

Many states will only allow a BH to have 2 years to remove his name from the birth certificate. Then it is to late and the courts will come after the BH for CS.

Once a BH suspects that the OC is not his he must act ASAP or he will get screwed over by the legal system.

After posting I did not realize that this was a dead thread.


----------



## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

Necrothread. Moderators, could you lock it?


----------

