# Is it to soon.............



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

Ok, it's day 27 since H told me he wanted a divorce which blind sided me. He has totally moved on w/ the OW, even though he told me he's not ready for a relationship because of all the emotional baggage I've left him with. In fact he took extra vacation time to spend this whole week with her 5 hours away. Through my ups and downs of my roller coaster ride I have found that maybe I had been unhappy with our relationship as well but I have always been non confrontational about it and just kept my patience that things were going to work out.

So here's my question-Is this too soon?

I reached out to my first love on facebook a couple weeks ago, I've always been curious to see how life's treated him (it said he was single). He called me tonight, and now we might go have a drink on Saturday. 

By NO MEANS am I looking for a rebound, I'm looking for a friendly face maybe, but that's it. 
Is it too soon to seek male companionship?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have either of you field for divorce?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Absolutely not too early! Go for it! Just make sure that you are honest with your old friend. I am not saying spill everything, in fact, on your first date, I would stay as far away as you can from the situation you are in. Focus on the moment and have a great time. If it turns into a second or third date, then you should probably level with him, but until then, I say go for it, relax and have a great time!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Have either of you field for divorce?


Good point...I assumed that he had filed already...


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

It is too early for anything OTHER than a rebound, so please do not think that the amazing connection and incredible passion you feel with Old Flame are anything but the normal feelings of someone recoiling from the sudden collapse of their marriage and getting the attention and sex they need from a Rebound partner.

In other words, do not make any long term plans with Old Flame, and certainly no legal entanglements--ie, don't get married to OF the day after the divorce comes through. You will need at least one year to recover who you are, as a mature, single adult. I really encourage you to enjoy the rebound, but to realize you need to be SINGLE (w/o a boyfriend) for at least a year, at some point, to work through the issues that will otherwise lead you to make a bad choice. 

Because your h is already with another woman and you do not intend to reconcile, go for it with OF, but with the knowledge that he is not the one, either. There is a reason you didn't end up long term with him in the first place, and sooner or later it is likely to re-emerge. 

Have fun, though.


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## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

So he hasn't actuallly filed, he makes it sound like he is waiting until tax time next year to file and finalize everything. But I on the other hand have been thinking about going ahead and filing for the D, I just didn't want to pay the fees for it since this wasn't something I asked for. I can't wait in limbo forever, he's out there starting a new life. Why does it matter if it's been filed or not?Just curious.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

No it's not too early.
Go out and have some fun. 
Who cares if he's filed or not. Why should you wait around for your H to make up his mind what he wants. He's got an OW! He's blaming you for the A!
Sod him love, go enjoy yourself!!
(bet H won't like it !!!!!!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lostwouthim said:


> So he hasn't actuallly filed, he makes it sound like he is waiting until tax time next year to file and finalize everything. But I on the other hand have been thinking about going ahead and filing for the D, I just didn't want to pay the fees for it since this wasn't something I asked for. I can't wait in limbo forever, he's out there starting a new life. Why does it matter if it's been filed or not?Just curious.


Well, you are technically married so if your relationship with this guy is technically an affair. 

Many believe that it is immoral to have an affair while married, even if your husband has left and is having one himself. 

If there is any possibility for you reconciling your marriage, it will be 1000 times more difficult after you have what is basically a revenge affair.

Your husband will probably rub your face in any affair you have.. It’s different to him when he has one. Just be ready for this.

If you do have an affair with this guy, it will be a rebound affair by definition and have very little chance of being anything else. 

Thus you are choosing to use another person to make yourself feel better. Now if he does not care then fine. If he does care then this is mean.

It complicates life, makes it harder to take the time to move on and heal in a healthy manner.

If you live in a fault state, you could not use infidelity as a fault against your husband if you too are having an affair.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Party pooper ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
Only joking. I'm in one of those moods today!
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Party pooper ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Only joking. I'm in one of those moods today!
> Xx
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She asked, I told. 

:lol:


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