# husband lies what should i do



## bells89 (Jun 11, 2009)

me and my husband been married for 7 months now (not long)
well b4 we married it had been on and off he remet with a girl who he lost his virginity to at the age of 15 he said nothing happened they just went out for a drink well then we got back together and got married in november, then 3 months later in jan we had a silly arguement about her and he left, i discovered a email account i did not no about so being nosy had a look only to find he was chatting with her on facebook so logged his account and read it all he was going there to watch a dvd and said to her if u quarentee me u wont leave me right away i will leave bells (me) for you.
well week later he came back to me telling me he never went hers or done anything with her,
but recently it got the better of me and i thought of writing to her myself and hearing her side of what happened she then told me they dated for a week and in january he did go round hers and watch a dvds but afterwards she decided she didnt want to be with him .
so im confused to weather he cam back for me or weather im now just second best as she didnt want him. ive asked about all this after her telling her side and he is saying it all lies she saying it cos she nos i read the msgs and she saying it to cause hassel but i wud of thought she more mature than tht as she 27. 

also recently we had split for a while and he wont come home but we met up this wkend and all we done was have sex now im beging to wounder if thts all i am to him and he moaned about me being slim but i cant help tht as i eat loads and never get nothing to show for it. 
sorry this so long just hoping this mite help me understand more thanks


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Sorry, sweetie but from this side of the screen I see you being nothing but a lay for him.....dump him. No one should be used like he is using BOTH of you women.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Hi!

You are young and don't have much time invested in this relationship and hopefully no children are involved. With that being said, you need to get out of this marriage. It ain't going to get any better! Good luck to you.....


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## bells89 (Jun 11, 2009)

it does get worse as i do have a child with him,
i wanna belleve its me he wants but this other woman seems to be his first love and even tho he tells me im his first and only love and the only woman he wants i dont belive him 
he swears on our daughters life tht im the only woman he wants and loves but he has swore on her life tht he didnt go see this woman when she said he did.
thanks for the reply  
its still bit hard for me to try and not want to be with him


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## bells89 (Jun 11, 2009)

just thought if i add this to my post might give u a better veiw of what acctually he says about it and how he thinks he shows he loves me 


First of ways i have proved to you that i love you

Having a child with you
Lasting longer than a month in a relationship
Having your name tattoo'd on me in a heart
getting married to you
spending money on stuff you dont need but i still get them for you
EG
TV, Laptops x 2, Ipod Touch. Other stuff you dont need aswell

Ways you have shown you love me

hmmmm None, all you ever do is give me grief and want me to do this that and the other.

I have not lied to you, i was 15 when i got with Nicola and i didnt cheat on kate with nicola or the other way round wherever you got that from is a load of bollocks. When we split up we was single so we can do what ever we want, i didnt go with nicola and your pissing me off believing that ***** over me.

In january i was meant to be going round hers to watch a film but i didnt go round there, she chatted with me about doing and the lift to soham on FB. And she knew that you read them on FB so thats the only reason i can think of her saying that. She is a lying ****ing cow and your just DUMB for believing her. Our relationship is over and it wont ever be the same so theres no point building bridges and getting back together. All you ever do is try and make us split up by snooping around trying to find stuff out to have a go at me abouts, whats the ****ing point in that, why dont you just ****ing grow up.


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

*He's messing with your head...*

Your husband is doing something called "gaslighting" where he is trying to turn this all around on you and make you feel like you're the one with the problem. It's a way for him to be able to continue to do what he wants. 

You deserve to be with a man who is trustworthy, dependable, honest, loyal and loving. But you need to believe that to make it be so.


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## bells89 (Jun 11, 2009)

i can see what you mean but one thing i cant see is will he cheat on me, am i really what he wants, . i no i can be a moaner at times and thts what he says he leaves me for cos he cant deal with the moaning, stress, and i do as he puts it "try catch" him out, accuse him of cheating on me, i love him and its rather hard to want to end this even tho i dont 100% trust him i said i will forget the past but what if this all happens again ?
thanks


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

If this happens again, you'll have to deal with the pain and anger around it - again. Yes, though there's likely a way you're contributing to the negative dynamic between you, it doesn't sound like you're acting in ways to unravel the very foundation of trust between you.

Yes, I imagine he's highly irritated that you keep trying to "catch" him doing something he's not supposed to be doing. What a shame you feel the need to do that in the first place - and you don't have an emotionally safe relationship in the first place.

Imagine how your life might be different if you didn't have the stress of worrying about what he's going to do.


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