# Don't Know What to Do



## swimmerclimber (Nov 10, 2011)

I am 30 and my wife is 32. We have been married for three years. We have no kids and no meaningful shared financial assets. 

We dated for a little over a year before getting married. She is from eastern Europe and after a year of dating told me that if I loved her I would marry her so she could have a more normal life in the US (at the time she was on a student visa and working as a nanny). She told me that if I was unwilling to do this, she would find someone else who would. At the time I was very much in love with her and couldn't imagine her leaving, so I said yes.

Shortly after marriage she told me that she had never really enjoyed sex with me and could live without sex at all. I enjoy sex a lot and I was very hurt as I try to be a very attentive lover. We still have sex a couple times a month, but most of the time it's pretty joyless.

She's changed over the last few years as well, going from a very outgoing and adventurous person to a fairly conservative homebody. Before we were married she had plans for a career and now she just wants to stay at home and be a housewife. I had been open to having kids earlier, but now the idea of committing to 20 years of this relationship freaks me out.

She's also jealous, and my circle of friends has significantly narrowed due to her influence. Because I spend most of my time with her, I'm realizing that it's more important to me to have common interests with my romantic partner than I had thought.

We were on vacation a month ago, and all of a sudden something clicked in my mind and I realized that I was unhappy in my marriage. I realized that we didn't have much of physical or intellectual connection, and that the emotional connection was dying out, too.

I feel horrible putting this into words, but it's been going through my head for a while. Am I being selfish? Should I learn to live with the fact that sex will be mediocre and we have few common interests? Should I leave before things get more serious (kids, for example)?


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

swimmerclimber said:


> Am I being selfish?


No.


swimmerclimber said:


> Should I learn to live with the fact that sex will be mediocre and we have few common interests?


No.


swimmerclimber said:


> Should I leave before things get more serious (kids, for example)?


Yes.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sounds like she worked hard to get a better life for herself, unfortunately once she got it she quit putting the effort in.

One thing to consider is your behavior. It may be too soft fior her. How would men from her culture react znd treat a wife? It is very possible that she has thrown out tests for you and you are responding in nice guy American hubby ways and failing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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