# How to handle wife's criticism of my clothing?



## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).

But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.

I love my wife, but I am extremely frustrated with the guilt trips she attempts with this. I've tried to find very respectful ways of telling her 'I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable with how mismatched we are, but that's not really my problem'. It'd be one thing if I was constantly wearing dirty or torn clothes, but I'm not. In fact, I often get comments from others along the lines of 'I wish I had the energy and effort you do when it comes to dress'. More recently, I noticed that she's changed her tact and gone from openly criticizing to saying stuff like "it would make me happy if you could dress down for a day". I find myself really bristling from this seemingly innocent request because of the context.

We recently had a road trip where I expressed annoyance at how she was sitting in the front seat with her ear buds and music on, because I felt like she was isolating herself and not wanting to be part of a couple on a road trip. She retorted with how I "act like I don't want to be part of a couple by making her feel self-conscious about her clothing choices". In my mind, these two things could not be further apart...I have never shamed her about her clothing, and it's been several years since I even hinted that maybe she'd want to put on something besides sweat pants when we go out in public. At this point, I'm content with her to look like how she wants to look, and who am I to have the "right" answer. But the headphone thing feels very different for me...I told her that I'm impacted by it, which she then retorted that she's impacted by my clothing choices...again, I strongly disagree.

Thoughts on this? Am I wrong to bristle at not wanting my wife to isolate herself like this while we're on a long drive? Is she wrong to insist that I dress more casually for her? If we're both wrong, what are some ideas on a path forward? I've tried the straightforward "I would like for you to never question my clothing choices again", but I'm met with "then you're never allowed to question me about anything I do again". Again, this feels like apples and oranges...


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Didn't you know how she dresses and acts before you married her?
Or didn't she know how you dress before getting married?


cbarkhouse said:


> "then you're never allowed to question me about anything I do again"


And no, you should not accept this type of response from your wife, that is disrespectful, you should tell her that you are allowed to question anything you want because she is you wife, if she wants to do anything she wants without questioning then that's an attitude of a single woman, ask her does she want to be single?!

You are a "Nice Guy", nice guys finish last, and I have a feeling that your marriage will not end well for you, she has no respect for you!
You need to read Dr. Glover's book: No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life

You guys seem to go with the flow, that doesn't work, one of you need to lead this relationship, and it must be you as a husband!
some years ago my wife did something similar, she was upset about something and we were going shopping, she put on her headphones, I asked her to take it off, she didn't respond, I immediately took a U turn and went back home, opened her door (from the inside) and asked her to get out, told her if she starts acting a like a grown woman we can talk, drove off and did the shopping my self, next day she apologized!
A couple of months later she admitted to me that she got really attracted and turned on when I stood up and took a stand!


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## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

Kaliber said:


> Didn't you know how she dresses and acts before you married her?
> Or didn't she know how you dress before getting married?
> 
> And no, you should not accept this type of response for your wife, that is disrespectful, you should tell her that you are allowed to question anything you want because she is you wife, if she wants to do anything she wants without questioning then that's an attitude of a single woman, ask her does she want to be single?!
> ...


Lol, I would really not consider myself to be a nice guy. I push back on whatever I'm not comfortable doing, which is why I'm pushing back on this clothing thing...I will not "dress down" for her, just because she wants to wear super-casual clothing.

Yes, I dressed conservatively when we dated (as she dressed casual), but the differences have become drastically more pronounced during the pandemic. She's full-time work from home with very few web meetings that require her to have a camera on. I'm back to working in person...teaching classes on campus, but I'm also much more productive in general working from my office than from home. The other thing is that while I dressed conservatively when younger, the circumstances (and my budget) were drastically different. If I dressed like I do now as a grad student in my 20s, I would've been way more stand-outish than I'm comfortable with. Now I like to think of my style as more 'classic' and 'professorial'. Plus I have a lot more money to spend on clothing and accessories now than I did as a poor grad student, so yes, it has changed somewhat.


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## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

cbarkhouse said:


> My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).
> 
> But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> ...



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

cbarkhouse said:


> My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).
> 
> But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> ...


Maybe she is becoming insecure, because you dress half-decent?
Perhaps one of her girlfriends made a compliment about you that made her insecure?

That's the only reason I can think of why a woman wants her man to dress in a less than attractive fashion.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Soo... she doesn't want to make an effort on her appearance so she wants you to look like a bum. She doesn't want to rise to your level of dress, and punishes you for her choice because it makes her feel self-conscious and insecure.

Her pandemic-work-from-home schedule isn't helping. Has she gained weight during her stay at home? That could be contributing to both her dressing down, and her insecurity.

Does she have nicer clothes? Do you have workout clothes or chore clothes? You could try the compromise approach... offer to work out together you'll be dressed the same. Or stay in your chore clothes a bit longer than necessary afterwards... if she'll put in a little effort for date nights?

As far as the earbuds, and phone. Yes, I think it's pretty rude of her to do that on a family drive. At least for the whole time. The point of a trip together is for you both to be mentally present during that time.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

You don’t. You either don’t react at all or you dismiss it with something humorous/teasing response. In a good-natured, emotionally non-reactive way.

Do not react with anger and annoyance, just don’t take it seriously,

When she’s criticizing your clothing, treat her just as you would a seven-year-old criticizing your clothing, or calling you a poopy head.
You don’t get mad, you don’t argue about it, and you certainly don’t get defensive.
You just pat her on the head, make a cocky-funny comment, give her a kiss and move on.


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## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

DudeInProgress said:


> You don’t. You either don’t react at all or you dismiss it with something humorous/teasing response. In a good-natured, emotionally non-reactive way.
> 
> Do not react with anger and annoyance, just don’t take it seriously,
> 
> ...


That's basically what I'm doing now, it just wears on me after a while. I wish there was something I could do or say to shut it down completely.


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## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> Maybe she is becoming insecure, because you dress half-decent?
> Perhaps one of her girlfriends made a compliment about you that made her insecure?
> 
> That's the only reason I can think of why a woman wants her man to dress in a less than attractive fashion.


She was pretty introverted pre-covid, and doesn't really have any 'girlfriends', so to speak. So I don't think it's really that...


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

cbarkhouse said:


> She was pretty introverted pre-covid, and doesn't really have any 'girlfriends', so to speak. So I don't think it's really that...


Unless she's afraid of the possibility of some other woman showing interest, I really can't imagine any other reason. Most women want their men to be peacocks, to impress the other women.


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## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

DownButNotOut said:


> Soo... she doesn't want to make an effort on her appearance so she wants you to look like a bum. She doesn't want to rise to your level of dress, and punishes you for her choice because it makes her feel self-conscious and insecure.
> 
> Her pandemic-work-from-home schedule isn't helping. Has she gained weight during her stay at home? That could be contributing to both her dressing down, and her insecurity.
> 
> ...


For me, I think a big part of the frustration is the prospect that this is something I actually need to compromise on. These are my clothes...it's how I choose to present myself to the world, dammit...do I really need to dress in a way that makes me feel less than comfortable just so my wife won't 'feel like my grad student'? It's one of those things that makes me want to dig in my heels on principle; ugh, I don't know...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

cbarkhouse said:


> My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).
> 
> But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> ...


I would make it very clear to her that she's the slob in the equation. If I were you I would be perfectly honest with her and tell her that it would make you happy if she dressed better when the situation called for it which is anytime you leave the house because you're not supposed to be wearing sweat pants out in public unless you're going to 7-Eleven, the gym, or the car wash.

Seriously I don't know why you're coddling her on this because she's the one that is in the wrong. I think you need to be clear how you feel about it and that you've been biting your tongue every time she harps on you about something this petty. What does she do for a living that she can dress like this and get away with it?

You need to just sit her down and look her in the eye and tell her you are not listening to any more of her insulting comments and that you consider that you are a much better dresser than she is and that it's up to her if she doesn't like to feel mismatched she can always put in some effort, that you are not about to let her bring you down to her low standard.


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## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I would make it very clear to her that she's the slob in the equation. If I were you I would be perfectly honest with her and tell her that it would make you happy if she dressed better when the situation called for it which is anytime you leave the house because you're not supposed to be wearing sweat pads out in public unless you're going to 7-Eleven or the car wash.
> 
> Seriously I don't know why you're coddling her on this because she's the one that is in the wrong. I think you need to be clear how you feel about it and that you've been biting your tongue every time she harps on you about something this petty.


Well, I'm "coddling" her because she's my wife...does it bother me that she 'dresses down' all the time? Yeah. But live and let live, ya know? It's when she starts projecting her issues on to me that I have a problem...and not in a sense that I'll ever acquiesce and dress down to please her; but I wish there was something that I could say to her to help her "get" how in the wrong she is on this...


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

cbarkhouse said:


> Well, I'm "coddling" her because she's my wife...does it bother me that she 'dresses down' all the time? Yeah. But live and let live, ya know? It's when she starts projecting her issues on to me that I have a problem...and not in a sense that I'll ever acquiesce and dress down to please her; but I wish there was something that I could say to her to help her "get" how in the wrong she is on this...


Just let her know that a student had an eye on you because you dressed so dapper. *wink


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## cbarkhouse (Sep 22, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> Just let her know that a student had an eye on you because you dressed so dapper. *wink


Lol, oh yeah, that would definitely help the situation...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

cbarkhouse said:


> Well, I'm "coddling" her because she's my wife...does it bother me that she 'dresses down' all the time? Yeah. But live and let live, ya know? It's when she starts projecting her issues on to me that I have a problem...and not in a sense that I'll ever acquiesce and dress down to please her; but I wish there was something that I could say to her to help her "get" how in the wrong she is on this...


You can tell her to shut up about it. She's being ridiculous and very rude. Trying to make this your issue, I would be livid. Talk about gaslighting. If nothing else you can tell her, I'll buy you a lifetime supply of sweatpants if you'll shut up about this and never bring it up again.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

cbarkhouse said:


> Lol, oh yeah, that would definitely help the situation...


All you can really tell her is that you'd love it if she would dress up a step, because she looks so good to you. However, your job requirements, and your comfort level, requires you to dress in a particular manner and you won't discuss it further.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Y'know, something tells me this is about more than the way the two of you choose to dress ....


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

cbarkhouse said:


> It's when she starts projecting her issues on to me that I have a problem...and not in a sense that I'll ever acquiesce and dress down to please her; but I wish there was something that I could say to her to help her "get" how in the wrong she is on this.


"This is how I wish to dress. If you have a problem with it, then it's YOUR problem to own. I won't complain about the way you dress, okay? I would appreciate you doing the same about how I choose to dress."


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> Maybe she is becoming insecure, because you dress half-decent?
> Perhaps one of her girlfriends made a compliment about you that made her insecure?
> 
> That's the only reason I can think of why a woman wants her man to dress in a less than attractive fashion.


Either that or people think she's literally his teen daughter when they go out to eat or something and make comments to that effect. I'm sure people are looking at her funny if she's wearing sweatpants to very many places.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

cbarkhouse said:


> That's basically what I'm doing now, it just wears on me after a while. I wish there was something I could do or say to shut it down completely.


Here are a couple of different approaches to solve your dilemmas. They center around you taking charge:

In regards to the car situation, pull the car over and shut it down. When she wants to know what you are doing, tell her the that the trip will resume when she stops being rude and sullen and puts her earphones away and acts like a wife that doesn't despise her husband. Another variation is to toss her the keys, tell her she is driving, and make her do so. (works like a charm--ask me how I know.)

On the clothing issue: Tell her that you are going to dress the way you want to dress. However, if she wishes to impose her style choices on you, then it goes both ways. Have some women's clothing catalogues available with choices marked (including underwear.) After she sees you are serious, odds are she will drop the subject. (This also works like a charm.)


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

cbarkhouse said:


> For me, I think a big part of the frustration is the prospect that this is something I actually need to compromise on. These are my clothes...it's how I choose to present myself to the world, dammit...do I really need to dress in a way that makes me feel less than comfortable just so my wife won't 'feel like my grad student'? It's one of those things that makes me want to dig in my heels on principle; ugh, I don't know...


You are definitely not the one who needs to make a change here unless someone other than your wife thinks you dress funny and it doesn't sound like it. I hope you do not cave on this just to appease her. She's just so wrong on this.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Kaliber said:


> Didn't you know how she dresses and acts before you married her?
> Or didn't she know how you dress before getting married?
> 
> And no, you should not accept this type of response from your wife, that is disrespectful, you should tell her that you are allowed to question anything you want because she is you wife, if she wants to do anything she wants without questioning then that's an attitude of a single woman, ask her does she want to be single?!
> ...


Quoted for truth.
This is almost the exact same tact that I have taken in similar situations.
I get an apology, as well as her pleading with me to go do what we were going to do.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

cbarkhouse said:


> My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).
> 
> But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> ...


Obviously, this isn't really about clothing choices, at least for her. There is some metaconversation going on underneath the clothing and the earbuds that needs to be dealt with. You don't feel like she's even trying to appreciate your perspective, and no doubt she feels the same about you. Maybe as you mature/age and differences between you have become more apparent, one or both of you find that threatening. Uncomfortable. Maybe it's something else entirely.

(For what it's worth, I think a woman is more likely to feel self-conscious when paired with a better dressed man than a man is with when paired with a better dressed woman.)

You could try dressing down once a week while in her presence and have her dress up once a week while in yours. Next time you have a road trip, have her drive and you put in the ear buds. The key is to be able to articulate the other person's point of view in an unbiased way, without defensiveness. If the two of you increasingly balk at trying to "get" where one another is coming from and are unwilling to find a compromise on smaller issues, it doesn't bode well for long term success. Not trying to be a downer. Just something to consider.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife doesn’t like it when we don’t match, so if I overdo she doesn’t like it. I’m a bum though so no big deal. If you want to dress up anything just add an expensive watch.

Wearing French cuffs and nice cuff links to go to Home Depot is like wearing shorts and flip flops to a fine dining restaurant. If you’re the only one dressed up then you’re overdoing it. So she may or may not have a point.

At university wearing a shirt and tie is no big deal and wouldn’t be out of place, but if you’re just hanging out on the weekend or whatever why not a polo or something?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Removed at moderator request, my response was a “threadjack”


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> She's in the wrong here. I'll probably get my post deleted for saying this, but I can't condone treating her like a stupid child or a dog that peed the floor and trying to shame and humiliate her. I can't imagine a woman intelligent enough to have a 6 figure income (or any woman worth even speaking to, much less marrying) would want anything to do with a man who had zero respect for her as a person and bullied and berated her, then forced her to beg for forgiveness on her knees (for more than one reason, I would imagine) while he sneered down at her in disgust. That's pathetic. And there's something really sick about a grown man who wants women to act like "widdle bitty girls" who are afraid of "daddy."


Where the hell are you getting this? Maybe I missed it but I haven’t seen anyone suggesting anything like what you’re describing here. 

The majority of what I’ve seen (and suggested) is that if she’s behaving like a bratty child, you treat her like a bratty child.

If she’s harping about his clothing choices, he’s fine to be dismissive. No need to take silly criticisms seriously.

Nor sure how you made the leap to what you described above, because it didn’t resemble anything I read here…


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think people who are saying this is about more then clothing are right. Next time she brings it up, stop what you are doing and get to the bottom of it. Be frank. "OK, what is this really about, because I am not going to change the way I dress." I would bring the whole thing to a head.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Your wife knows nothing about men's fashion. Classic men's fashion is always in style. Time to give her a lecture.

Stick around brother. In what subject is your Phd?



cbarkhouse said:


> I am a university professor,


Are you a feminist?



Kaliber said:


> You guys seem to go with the flow, that doesn't work, one of *you need to lead this relationship,* and it must be you as a husband!


Why don't you tell her to dress up? She's not* meeting your standards. *Are you afraid?



cbarkhouse said:


> I would really not consider myself to be a nice guy.


You don't understand what he means by Nice Guy.. Download the book and read it. Robert Glover -- No More Mr. Nice Guy. It wont hurt. Maybe you'll gain something from it. While your at it -- read the Unplugged Alpha by Rich Cooper. You'll have to buy this one. It's all mindset brother.




cbarkhouse said:


> *I'm "coddling" her *because she's my wife...


You're a Nice Guy. Read the Unplugged Alpha and the Rational Male by rollo tomassi. Do not allow the wife to lead amigo. It will only go downhill from there. Look around at your married university male colleagues. Do the opposite if you want a solid relationship w/ a woman.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DudeInProgress said:


> Where the hell are you getting this?


I think she posted in the wrong thread. Not the first time...


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## thedude3535 (Nov 17, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> Maybe she is becoming insecure, because you dress half-decent?
> Perhaps one of her girlfriends made a compliment about you that made her insecure?
> 
> That's the only reason I can think of why a woman wants her man to dress in a less than attractive fashion.


I was going to say this.

But also that perhaps it's less to do with other women eyeballing him, and more to do with her feeling old? As in, she wants you to join her in dressing down, because that seems to be the style these days. Although I'm sure you look fantastic, maybe to her, you look like somebody's dad. Or... a professor. Not that there's anything wrong with either of those, but at the same time, it's almost a stereotype.

Although your style is classic, it could also be viewed as being stuffy and boring and this is not an image she wants portrayed. Personally, I think one dresses for the occasion. You have work clothes, you have home clothes, you have mowing the lawn clothes, you have going out to dinner clothes. Dressing "down", however, should not mean pyjamas and paint-stained shirts. Nothing wrong with some slacks, a polo/golf shirt that fits well and some casual shoes. Not everybody is a jeans/tshirt/sneakers guy, but you can still give off a casual yet stylish vibe without wearing a button-down everywhere you go.

That's not to say she's in the right for this, and definitely not in how she handles it. But perhaps there's a middle ground to be had? The two of you can adopt a more similar, yet effortless style of dress for when you're out together. She'll dress "up" slightly, you'll dress "down", but you both can still look like you give a damn about your respective appearances.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I dated a guy who always dressed formal. I broke up with him because he made me feel weird in front of my friends. It was the 90's and I was wearing combat boots, jeans, and flannel shirts. He was wearing chinos with dress shirts, loafers, and jewelry.  

I don't really care about what people wear, but I think it's important to dress for the occasion. Dress formal at work, casual with friends or at home. 

Personally, I cannot live with someone who doesn't dress casual at home. I love it when my husband wears old jeans and a rock band t-shirt. 

Your styles are mismatched and it's affecting her more than you. She might feel you are way out of place and it makes her feel uncomfortable. She needs to decide whether she can live with you dressing formal forever or not. This sounds very frivolous, leaving someone because of dress styles, but I dated someone like you and I didn't like it. I felt I was dating one of my uncles.

Do you dress up at home too? Do you ever wear jeans and t-shirts?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Another type of shirt I wear a lot are the Untuckit long sleeve shirts with jeans. Dressed up will wear khakis or black pants a instead of blue jeans. My wife hasn’t complained about this look on the weekend but has given me a side eye before and she’ll change from a t shirt to a blouse. She’s usually not happy if she looks at me and she thinks I am dressed better than her.

I will adapt date plans and such if she doesn’t feel like dressing up. It’s no big deal for me to add a blazer to the above look where I live and I am good to go almost anywhere. For her to consider herself matched she will straighten her hair and do a lot of time consuming work, so I see why she doesn’t want to do it often.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I think she posted in the wrong thread. Not the first time...


This will probably get deleted, but my response was that I disagree with the posters saying to humiliate and demean her and treat her like a dog that peed on the floor. This isn’t some dim witted woman who can’t handle life and needs a man to tell her which shoe goes on which foot. This is a functioning adult woman with a lucrative career. If he treats her like they’re advising, she should just leave. Smart women don’t tolerate abuse.

What I think he should do is talk to her like They’re both adults. I don’t think this is about clothes at all. She’s not some moron, and she’s acting like a child. Just ask her why on earth a woman as intelligent as she is would behave this way, and that the adult thing to do is talk about what is really bugging her and stop picking fights about clothes. The headphones thing is just rude and childish. There’s something else going on.

Sorry if this is a threadjack.Her behavior makes no sense. I think something else is wrong and the clothes are an excuse.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> You don’t. You either don’t react at all or you dismiss it with something humorous/teasing response. In a good-natured, emotionally non-reactive way.
> 
> Do not react with anger and annoyance, just don’t take it seriously,
> 
> ...


Love this advice.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

thedude3535 said:


> I was going to say this.
> 
> But also that perhaps it's less to do with other women eyeballing him, and more to do with her feeling old? As in, she wants you to join her in dressing down, because that seems to be the style these days. Although I'm sure you look fantastic, maybe to her, you look like somebody's dad. Or... a professor. Not that there's anything wrong with either of those, but at the same time, it's almost a stereotype.
> 
> ...


She's the one that dresses bad. If there was any show whatsoever that she had any style whatsoever and wasn't too lazy to wear real clothes then I might agree, but she just probably is feeling guilty because she knows this puts pressure on her to step it up. I just don't think you should dress down for anybody. I think you should find someone who likes your style and has some of her own. She thought he was plenty good enough to marry looking like that. He accepts her for what she is which is a very lazy dresser, so I just see her as being very unreasonable and wanting to bring him down to her level.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

My ex husband always wore suits, tie, tie pin, cuff links and a full length coat (in winter) every day for work. He looked so effing handsome. When he was home and it was just the 2 of us he would walk around naked haha or wear a dressing gown. He would dress casual if just going shopping or a day out. It wouldn't bother me if he dressed smart every day because he looked handsome. You wear what you feel comfortable in and like wearing. Your wife is the one with the problem. She should like that her husband takes care of himself. Could it be another issue going on, and she's using the way you dress as an excuse? I would find the most embarrassing clothes and wear them when out with her one day haha.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

cbarkhouse said:


> My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).
> 
> But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> ...


Look sharp! Be sharp! If you are a professional, such as a professor, dress as such. Nothing wrong with that. Now, if you go to the beach or a picnic dressed to the nines... there would be something to worry about.

Sounds like there is more below the surface sir than just clothing choices.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Take it all off mate and give her the full frontal monty!😁


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

My old flame, who became a professor and dean eventually, dressed sharp even when he was a young hippie. His most casual was a nice black blazer over a black t-shirt. Last time I saw him which was when he was about 55, he was wearing a custom suit that fit like a glove. I was not complaining even though I'm not really a suit and tie kind of gal. He always looked great. Some people just don't know what they've got until it's gone.

Professors do have to look the part. If they start dressing like their students, it would come off as smarmy.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You guys are both stubborn. Why can’t you just wear jeans and a button down on a weekend for her? Will this kill you?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

cbarkhouse said:


> For me, I think a big part of the frustration is the prospect that this is something I actually need to compromise on. These are my clothes...it's how I choose to present myself to the world, dammit...do I really need to dress in a way that makes me feel less than comfortable just so my wife won't 'feel like my grad student'? It's one of those things that makes me want to dig in my heels on principle; ugh, I don't know...


Maybe she just wants to relax, and unwind on a long drive by listening to music in her AirPods. It’s the same thing that isn’t it? 

What makes her comfortable doesn’t make you comfortable and what makes you comfortable doesn’t make her comfortable. You both have to either allow the other person to be who they are… and if that means sweatpants, and AirPods In the car while her feet are bare and On the dashboard then so be it. OR both compromise and try to make the other person happy… like stressing down for her, and her putting away her AirPods.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

cbarkhouse said:


> ......But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> I love my wife, but I am extremely frustrated with the guilt trips she attempts with this. I
> 
> ...


First of all you need to understand that your W wants the two of you to look "good" when out in public. Just like some men have "trophy wives" or arm-candy and like to be seen with "hot women," She doesn't want to feel bad about what she is wearing or what you are wearing. 

My thoughts are that this is a communication issue that the two of you need to resolve through compromise. 

As a professor, "professional image" is probably a big part of who you are. You probably want to look "professorial." She on the other hand is probably more concerned about comfort and all the things going on in her life. You didn't discuss kids, but children take a lot of effort and cause your clothes to always need to be washed. Taking care of small kids while wearing fancy trench coats and suits would entail a heck of a dry-cleaning bill. 

Again, you are not her parent and telling her what she can and can't wear when she leaves the house. Similarly, she is not your mother and shouldn't be telling you what to wear unless it is something really in appropriate that will bring negative consequences to her family. 

Maybe you can agree on what you wear to work and in public to help support you 6-figure salary and then agree that when you are home, or going to causal places, like the grocery store, you will wear something more casual. How about a University Sweat shirt and pants with your school's logo on it? This time of year you could even go for a set of matching "ugly Christmas sweaters." If you reallly like to dress up, take her out to fancy dinner dates with you where she can dress up (although that could be a stretch if she is a stay-at-home mom of small children.........unless you have parents around who want to babysit their grandchildren once a week).

Good luck. If this is the biggest problem you have in your marriage, you are indeed a lucky couple.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Here is my assessment of the situation. Your the one who is insecure and overcompensating. You said both you and your wife make 6-figures. I bet she makes more than you, because something tells me if you made more, you would of told us. Clothes make you feel classy… I get it, but your saying a knit tie is casual? 
To me, when someone is formally dressed, they are “buttoned up” so to speak. They are rigid, and careful. I know when I am formally dressed I don’t want anything to get on my clothes or make them dirty. I don’t… do the dishes in formal wear, I don’t play wrestle with my partner, or run in the rain, or do something fun and spontaneous. To me, personally you sound really un-sexy. A man that doesn’t get his hands dirty so to speak. 
She may be telling you to dress down, but maybe she is telling you to lossen up a bit and have fun.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Perhaps you can consider losing the knit tie on weekends. It looks stuffy and pretentious. Unless, you are going to an event that would require a knit tie. Do you lounge around the house in sweater with collared shirt and knit tie?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> You guys are both stubborn. Why can’t you just wear jeans and a button down on a weekend for her? Will this kill you?


The better question is: Why can't she??


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

cbarkhouse said:


> She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student.


This dude posted last year about a divorce. and deleted So it's more than clothes as many suspected. 

Here's the deal...... Your SMV has risen. Your sexual market value and the little lady knows it. She doesn't want you looking so good because other chicks are checking you out and she looks like crap. She can't compete. Her SMV is below those other chicks -- probably younger prettier grad students. 

If this lady is difficult -- dump her. Or separate. You have tons of options now that you are in your 30s. This is what it's about from a man's side that women look for -- Looks - Status -- Money. You are doing pretty good which accounts for the extra attn your way. Dump the Andrea Dworkin mindset amigo and you might land one of those hot grad students. It's not like when you were in your 20s and the ladies bossed you around and had the upper hand. Read those books. Here's another one. Female Psychology for the Practical Man -- joe south. You can download this one. 

Don't be weak like your male academy colleagues. They have been brainwashed into some crazy socially constructed group think. Break Free amigo. Its just like Brave New World in academia. Set yourself free.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

manowar said:


> This dude posted last year about a divorce. and deleted So it's more than clothes as many suspected.
> 
> Here's the deal...... Your SMV has risen. Your sexual market value and the little lady knows it. She doesn't want you looking so good because other chicks are checking you out and she looks like crap. She can't compete. Her SMV is below those other chicks -- probably younger prettier grad students.
> 
> ...


She's going to have to pick up her game. 
I called this early on.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The better question is: Why can't she??


Why can’t she what?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> Why can’t she what?


Meet him halfway, I think


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> She's going to have to pick up her game.
> I called this early on.



You did.... The prof doesn't get it because he doesn't realize his value has risen. He's probably the one getting attn (he earned it) and she doesn't like it. My guess is she's used to calling the shots in this relationship and he permits it. Thinks this is what you are supposed to do. He's been trained well by the Machine and his Overseers. 

Where is he??


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Why can’t she what?


Her wear jeans and a button down on the weekend. It would be a huge step up for her.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Her wear jeans and a button down on the weekend. It would be a huge step up for her.


But he is not bothered by what she wears. What she wears is not the issue at all. You missed it.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> But he is not bothered by what she wears. What she wears is not the issue at all. You missed it.


It is an issue in that she is concerned about him becoming tempted to be a WH, because he's dressed to attract attention. 
I think what is being suggested is that she put a bit of an effort into her appearance to head off any temptation.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lose everything but the knit tie.

Greet her like that when she gets home from work.😉


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> But he is not bothered by what she wears. What she wears is not the issue at all. You missed it.


I think it is the issue. I think she feels pressure to not be such a lazy dresser because he's such a spiffy one. But she so badly doesn't want to stop being a lazy dresser that instead of changing herself she tries to pressure him to change. I mean what is more normal if you feel your mismatched in public, to even It up by dressing like a slob or to step it up a notch?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I mean what is more normal if you feel your mismatched in public, to even It up by dressing like a slob or to step it up a notch?


It’s much easier to dress down.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think it is the issue. I think she feels pressure to not be such a lazy dresser because he's such a spiffy one. But she so badly doesn't want to stop being a lazy dresser that instead of changing herself she tries to pressure him to change. I mean what is more normal if you feel your mismatched in public, to even It up by dressing like a slob or to step it up a notch?


I bet money she doesn’t wear sweat pants when they go out to dinner, or On dates. 

I think it’s more normal to wear sweatpants to Home Depot than a knit tie.

Again, I don’t think clothes are the real issue here.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I bet money she doesn’t wear sweat pants when they go out to dinner, or On dates.
> 
> I think it’s more normal to wear sweatpants to Home Depot than a knit tie.
> 
> Again, I don’t think clothes are the real issue here.


The issue is that she's a woman in her thirties who is concerned about her well dressed husband attracting attention from college aged girls and she doesn't like that.
She wants him to dress down so that he doesn't attract as much attention as she thinks he might be attracting.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> It’s much easier to dress down.


Yeah but you're not supposed to look like a slob in public.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> The issue is that she's a woman in her thirties who is concerned about her well dressed husband attracting attention from college aged girls and she doesn't like that.
> She wants him to dress down so that he doesn't attract as much attention as she thinks he might be attracting.


You can’t be more wrong. She isn’t asking him to dress down all the time, she’s asking him to dress causally one day a week. She doesn’t want him to look bad, she wants him to be more casual on weekends. 

Dressing down isn’t going to make him cheat or not cheat, it doesn’t work that way. People cheat because they are scum bags, not because they have opportunity, and If you disagree you have some serious issues.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yeah but you're not supposed to look like a slob in public.


I think a slob might be a stretch. The OP should come back and clarify.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> You can’t be more wrong. She isn’t asking him to dress down all the time, she’s asking him to dress causally one day a week. She doesn’t want him to look bad, she wants him to be more casual on weekends.
> 
> Dressing down isn’t going to make him cheat or not cheat, it doesn’t work that way. People cheat because they are scum bags, not because they have opportunity, and If you disagree you have some serious issues.


She only wanted him to relent on one day, because he wasn't going to change his general demeanor. However, according to him, it bothers her that he dresses that like all the time.

"But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes."

Getting him to compromise, even for a few hours, is about bologna slicing herself to a win.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I think a slob might be a stretch. The OP should come back and clarify.


He said quote, "She wore pajama like clothing out in public.".


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Here is my assessment of the situation. Your the one who is insecure and overcompensating. You said both you and your wife make 6-figures. I bet she makes more than you, because something tells me if you made more, you would of told us. Clothes make you feel classy… I get it, but your saying a knit tie is casual?
> To me, when someone is formally dressed, they are “buttoned up” so to speak. They are rigid, and careful. I know when I am formally dressed I don’t want anything to get on my clothes or make them dirty. I don’t… do the dishes in formal wear, I don’t play wrestle with my partner, or run in the rain, or do something fun and spontaneous. To me, personally you sound really un-sexy. A man that doesn’t get his hands dirty so to speak.
> She may be telling you to dress down, but maybe she is telling you to lossen up a bit and have fun.


This may be true but it begs the question, why didn't she tell him that. The other problem with this is if she IS insecure, he can dress down and still be plenty attractive. If he starts dressing like below when they go out nothing is going to change. OP I personally think you can dress down and still pull off looking to the 9s, assuming you are in good shape.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He said quote, "She wore pajama like clothing out in public.".


When they were dating:


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> When they were dating:


Doesn't say it was when they were dating. It says it used to bother him but now he just lets it go. You need to read the whole post. 

Further down it says he wished she would wear something besides sweatpants when they go out in public.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

For a while, people in China were proudly wearing their flannel jammies out in public.

If you do decide to change your dress code on weekends, please do not go the skinny jeans route. They look ridiculous on men and most women.


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## Cindywife (Nov 5, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He said quote, "She wore pajama like clothing out in public.".


My kinda girl!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

That’s what I was talking about with the last picture. If you lift and such you can wear a polo like that and it looks good and when your wife gives you side eye, “It’s just a polo.” I like the ones from Criquet. I have two of the exact same navy one. Agreed on the skinny pants, terrible.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

We really cannot determine from a second hand anecdotal story what OP's wife's real problem is with the way he dresses or what other issues may lie underneath the surface. It's all conjecture on our parts. The concerning thing is if it continues to be a source of conflict and neither one are willing to bend on it. If they don't want to understand one another's perspective or let things go or make concessions, they are sowing resentment. No bueno.

I loved @ConanHub's response because a lot of marriages are missing the element of humor. Not saying that you use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism or a weapon, but dang...laughing with one another can go a long way in handling life's stressors. You are supposed to be on the same team. It seems like the overarching approach on TAM sometimes is to assume the spouse in question is a threat. There are some couples that would actually laugh at the differences in one another's dress, tease one another good naturedly, and maybe compromise once in a while instead of letting it become a wedge.

OP, I'm not saying that to dig at you. Truly. Marriage is hard. I just think there is a bigger picture to this whole thing that you and the wife need to examine. Hopefully together.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If he does plan to make any changes, which I don't think he needs to because she's the one who needs to make changes, then I would advise he go to a very good menswear store, call ahead to get an appointment with a qualified stylist and go in and have them put together a couple of casual up-to-date but very good quality outfits. I think this is a waste of time with her, though, as she will still be in sweatpants and he will still look miles better than her and more like her father, which is her own fault. Plus it might make him even more attractive to other women, so the whole thing could easily backfire if he goes all GQ instead of his personal style.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I agree with the above. In a healthy relationship the OP would walk into the bedroom naked with just that tie on with a witty remark like “how’s this for casual”. She would laugh and be reminded why she fell in love with him in the first place, then maybe realize the way he dresses isn’t that important. And maybe he would listen to her complaints and just dress casual but still nice for her on the weekends and she would appreciate that. 

But He can’t see her point of view. He would rather be right then happy. She feels like what she thinks isn’t important and he is going to do what he wants to do regardless of how it makes her feel. So then she will do what she wants to do also. Resentment will grow on both ends. 

It’s a shame people can’t get over themselves, it’s a shame people take themselves too seriously. This is an unhealthy relationship. Not enough fun and bonding and intimacy. It’s all seriousness and indignation. 

I don’t care about what smv number someone is, if you can’t laugh and have fun with them then what’s the point.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

This is not something that should be causing a problem, and she is making it a problem. First world problems...

Tell her you think the two of you should attend marriage counseling to figure out why this is such a big issue for her.

Get some nice versions of casual clothes maybe? Whole situation seems unnecessary.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

cbarkhouse said:


> My wife and I are both mid-30s, and as long as I can remember, I've tended towards the more 'classic' or 'traditional' end of the fashion spectrum. I don't go anything extreme like fedoras or collar pins, but I still wear a tie to work every day, with french cuffed shirts and cufflinks. I dunno, in the age of COVID maybe this is extreme. I own a full-length trench coat and overcoat, because the newer/modern ones don't make any sense (they cut off at the waist and leave most of you exposed). My idea of 'casual' dress is a pullover sweater and a collared shirt with a knit tie and slacks. I like how this stuff makes me feel - refined, classy, whatever words you want to use - and I'm not breaking the bank in doing so because most of the stuff I find is used but in 'like new condition'. In fact, there's never really been any disagreement in clothing $$$ because it's not generally an issue for our household (we both make six figures).
> 
> But my wife has become increasingly critical of my clothing choices. Her clothing tastes are on the other end of the spectrum, which bugged me years ago (she would wear pajama-like clothing when out in public, for instance), but now I just let it go. She frequently remarks that she doesn't like how 'mismatched' we appear to be out in public. I am a university professor, and she will often say she feels like my grad student. I usually just brush it off, but comments like this do get to me sometimes.
> 
> ...


Tell her, their is another underlying issues...
Clothes isn't it, ask her to be brutal honest.
She is telling you thst she don't care about you by critiquing and yoy are not worth it for her to get pretty. Ditch her, find out what's eating her soul with you. Find that out, you may be able to solve or come to terms not to lead to divorce. Or divorce, do you game your wife or does she seduce you. I bet not.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Hey professor -- Where'd you go.

Are you a feminist? 

A lot of people took the time to answer your questions. Why run and hide. Where you hiding out in a safe space on campus?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

in flying, they have a saying: "you do not want to be dead right". in other words, just because you are in the right (landing on a runway you were assigned to land on, while another plane encroaches and you end up crashing), does not make the end result right!

you are being pigheaded. She is too. not sure which of you is the more pigheaded. But if you keep this b.s. up, your marriage will crash and burn.

Take her clothing shopping for you, have her pick out things she wants you to wear, try them on, and if they fit WEAR THEM when you two are together. As school, you can dress like harry potter for all she cares! Wear the clothes SHE LIKES when you two are together.

road trips....who picked the agenda? Maybe she was just bored to tears with what you were stopping to see, and the music you were playing! Again, ask HER to be part of the planning. if she wants to see interesting things, go to the Atlas Obscura website and have her pick out bizarre places to stop to see. Have her pick out museums and night clubs that SHE wants you to take her to along the way. 

road tripping in the USA? follow Rte 66, and stop at ALL the crazy stops. In Europe, rent a fast BMW and drive only small twisty mountain roads, search out local obscure sights to see, stay only in small buildings for the night. Make the trip an ADVENTURE!

this is not rocket science....just do SOME of the things she wants you to do!


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

It sounds to me that you are a really refined individual who takes pride in having a certain appearance and it mstters what other people think about you. I am assuming you follow a set of routines and daily habits and generally only associate with certain types of people on the social scale 

She seems to be more of a free spirit that dresses for comfort and doesn't care what others think. She also wants to have fun in every moment she is in. She probably pushes and encourages you to let loose and try things outside your comfort zone. I doubt she has much of a daily routine and she probably talks to anyone who is nice regardless of looks or social status. 

I have no doubt that sometimes you wonder why you are with her as she doesn't fit into that certain social status you are in. But you love her because she fills a void inside of you. You want to be able to let loose and have fun, but you struggle with actually doing it. And she somewhat fills the void for you. 

I am not saying there is anything wrong with you at all. But she is basically begging you occasionally just loosen up and go with the flow. Wear a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with sneakers or sandals. Go out on dste night like this to a outdoor bar with a live band and dance and let loose. She will be in high heaven.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

You could tell your wife to stop dressing like the people of walmart.


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## Ushuaya (Jan 25, 2021)

Women's and men's tastes in clothing are radically different. Many women think that the clothes men buy are horrible, so the girl will buy clothes for you when you are in a serious relationship.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

As the OP has not been back in six months, Zombie Cat has decided that this thread should have the spamming spammers removed and the thread closed.


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