# Sometimes I feel like giving up!



## modernchica (Jun 24, 2009)

Hello everyone,
I am new to this site. I dont have any friends that I can lean on and my family over reacts to everything, so this is my outlet. So here I go... My husband and I have been married for 6 months. Prior to getting married we were together for 5 years but most of it was spent in a long distance relationship. So needless to say we are in the getting to know one another phase. Although we thought we knew each other well, you never really know until you actually live with that person. Well folks I dont think its going to well. I mean don't get me wrong we have our good times but I am always feeling frustrated an unloved. My dh is always complaining about how I dont help him out with anything. From household chores to the finances. Im in so much despair b/c I dont think this is true but he is not hearing it. I wash clothes, I cook dinner 5 nights out of the week. Now the only thing I dont do is cook breakfast in the morning. Im not a morning person and I always sleep late and I am running out of the door in the morning. This is just me. He always brings this up and says how I am not willing to do things for him. I believe that is such exaggeration. Now my dh complains about the finances. Keep in mind that I pay all the bills and for groceries. He is upset because I do not willingly give him money for his side business. He wants me to drain my account every month and invest in his business. He always says I do not have faith and trust in him b/c I wont give him extra cash. He figures that when he makes $ off of his business that he will give me the money back. But the thing is I have a hard time with this. We are not rich at all. If I hand over my check to him every month we will literally have nothing to pay for house, lights, and food. But he doesnt see this. He just see me as hoarding money and not believing in him. So this is the source of most of our arguements. I do believe that if I gave him more money he wouldnt be so upset with me all the time. 
Now the other thing is he always focuses on the negative things. He never has anything good to say about me. I am overweight and I struggle with this on the daily basis. I am not claiming to be a girl scout. I admit that I have failed miserable in my efforts to lose weight. Since we first met I have probably gained around 50 lbs. Not good I know but he is always riding me about this. He constantly tells me that I am all talk and I am unmotivated. B/c I am overweight he basically thinks I have nothing going on in my head and thinks I have no ambitions. Not true. Sometimes I just feel like packing up and leaving and starting my life over. I have put forth so much time and effort into this relationship but I feel like I am getting nothing in return for but constantly being told how I am not good enough. I pray a lot and I am going to continue to pray and ask God for help.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Start reading The Seven Principles of Marriage and The Five Love Languages and get him to read them too.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Not a help...but I believe people should live together before getting married. It's the only way to check compatibility. If it's not working, it's a lot less messy getting out. Be aware of the "common" laws in your area, though...you could end up married anyway!  

And if children are not involved and it's soon enough...go for an annullment rather than a divorce. 

I wouldn't "invest" in his business...especially if money is tight. What kind of business is it? How long has he been in business? Is he making a profit? (I guess not yet) 

As for not helping out? sheesh...make up a list of chores (that does NOT include sex!) and who does them. Assign a monetary value of minimum wage to each and the time it takes to do them. It will likely never be parity...but it might show how much each of you is "contributing". 

e.g. washing, cooking, shopping (plus the average amount spent), mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, fixing the car/changing the oil, household project (if any), etc. List everything you can think of! DO NOT count your "normal" jobs...only the chores. 

Then make a list of income and outflow. Individually and combined (however you both define that). 

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHO MAKES MORE MONEY!!! It's ultimately about the chores and how they balance and how the chores contribute/affect the household budget. This, in turn, is a measure of your lifestyle and future plans (and how to get there). 

(I think I might have more...but am going to post this for now)

IDK, that's what occurs to my mind...


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