# Separation Imminent



## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

So I have posted here several times.....this is the first time in this section as my situation is deteriorating to the point where I don't think we can continue on. Anybody who wants backstory can click on my screen name and read my previous posts dating from last year. 

Around Christmastime this year, when she turned 40, my wife of 10 years began re-experiencing traumatic memories from an event which occurred in her past. She has also been jobless since 2009 so she has a lot of time on her hands to sit and stew. I work long hours and I'm rarely home. We spend a couple hours together each night during the week and all day on the weekends.

Things have not been great since 2010, when wife's unemployment ran out, but were more or less copacetic until a few weeks ago. I sat her down and told her she had to go back to work because we were in a terrible financial situation. Her response was to say she was moving to a city 1500 miles away to revive her career, where we used to live for a year, and from which we returned to our home city due to my inability to find work. I had no inkling she was even considering this as we have been back home for 8 years, have many nieces and nephews, and essentially have built what I consider to be a strong and loving foundation. She's willing to throw all of that away to move back to Las Vegas. She is deeply depressed and in my opinion, mentally ill especially considering the effects of the traumatic memories she recovered. Thus far she has not gotten any psychological help. We have no insurance and she has no money so getting her help is going to be difficult.

I am posting in this section because over the last few days I am being forced to face the reality that my wife no longer seems to value our relationship or consider me in her plans. She has made it clear I am an annoyance and a burden to her. My wife blames me for her predicament and is seething with anger. I made so many mistakes and the damage and wreckage may be too much to overcome. I am so sad and starting to be angry. I hate that I still love her.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Nix,

What was her previous career? Why can't she pursue it where you are now?


----------



## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

It is not that she can't pursue it, it is that she won't. She refuses to do so. She refuses to do anything locally. I am realizing that it is this "she refuses" stuff that is our real problem. If she was truly committed to our life together here then she would be willing to do what she had to do here. She has some very serious untreated mental health issues and I think this is also a big factor but in the end, does it really matter?


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

No, it doesn't matter because you can't move forward with someone who will not take responsibility for their own health, be it mental or physical


----------



## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

Just a quick update. Things have been somewhat better between us this week. She has started therapy for depression. She still says she wants to relocate if possible but I do not think it is likely due to many factors. She is saying that she loves me/wants to stay with me and her behavior has been more in line with those statements this past week. I found a support group in my area to help me detach from her and learn healthier boundaries, and I've gone to two meetings so far. I'm making progress but I still have a long way to go. For example, I am still paying all the bills, etc. etc. and we haven't had an explicit conversation yet about that changing. I'm not waffling - we have to have that conversation, it just hasn't happened yet.

I want our relationship to continue as long as we can both be happy and healthy. I think we are both taking steps to getting healthier with therapy etc.


----------

