# Reciprocal Respect.



## Aule

Folks, this is going to sound like a very stupid problem, but this is becoming a distraction and I am at a loss for a solution.

12 years ago I was an non-observant Jew from a Conservative family. The lady I was dating, 9 years younger than me, described herself as Nazarene, and she seldom attended either. Based on the way she and I were both behaving sexually with each other, there didn't seem to be any indication either of us were anything but liberals. She didn't mind that I was Jewish, in her opinion Christianity has Judaism in it's basement. We got along well with that understanding.

(I proposed in private with a ring, she accepted, we immediately made love to celebrate. That was our first time with each other ever, although both of us had pasts, and we had lot more as time went on. I proposed to her more formally in front of her family the following Christmas, and we married in the summer. She wanted a church wedding, and I didn't mind.)

During perhaps 9 years into the marriage, neither of us attended the services of our respective faiths because we lived in areas were no respective houses of worship were available. Religion doesn't seem very important to either of us, other than the secular interpretation of Christmas).

3 years ago we move back to her home town. She all of a sudden moves back to her family's church, a Baptist one, which is biblically inerrant. Since she was a school-teacher, I assumed she would consider science as an important factor in reality, but not so... she's a 6000 year young earth creationist and evidently had hidden this from me all along.

In the meantime, I had bridged from Judaism to Methodism with the help of a pastor there... but now my wife will not attend the Methodist church with me, even as a reciprocal courtesy for my attending her Baptist services with her. The Baptist messages are not at all pleasant but I attend for her sake, not mine. She refuses to consider any church but Baptist as being authentic Christianity.

Had I know she was like this, I would never have married her. However, we share a home, we have a child, we have a reasonable sex life together... we share a common belief in God... but we share none of the details.

I'd like to resign from the marriage and start over. I don't believe she is acknowledging my rights as a human being to have my own version of faith supported in the way I have been supporting hers like a gentleman.

It is ironic in the extreme that she and I have more differences as Christians, her hard right and my on the left, than we ever had as interfaith believers

Advice, please?

Aule


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## Mr Blunt

> She refuses to consider any church but Baptist as being authentic Christianity.


In is very damaging but I know this is in the Christian community to some degree. *Your wife has very little wisdom or has allowed herself to become self righteous, like the Pharisees*.

I was in the Baptist church for over 40 years and have never been taught that only Baptist are authentic Christians. I have heard of Baptist churches that lean in that direction but never been to one. I hope your wife is not going to the Westboro Baptist Church!

This denominational self righteousness can run people away from any church. One thing that I like about my Baptist training is that the Baptist gives a LOT of credibility to the Bible. In fact the Bible is much more reliable than any church. I would suggest that you suggest to your wife to pray and ask God to reveal His truth in the Bible as she reads the Bible for herself without any outside influences.

*Christ makes it very plain that self righteousness is not from His spirit.*
*James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.*


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## Fozzy

:smthumbup:


Mr Blunt said:


> In is very damaging but I know this is in the Christian community to some degree. *Your wife has very little wisdom or has allowed herself to become self righteous, like the Pharisees*.
> 
> I was in the Baptist church for over 40 years and have never been taught that only Baptist are authentic Christians. I have heard of Baptist churches that lean in that direction but never been to one. I hope your wife is not going to the Westboro Baptist Church!
> 
> This denominational self righteousness can run people away from any church. One thing that I like about my Baptist training is that the Baptist gives a LOT of credibility to the Bible. In fact the Bible is much more reliable than any church. I would suggest that you suggest to your wife to pray and ask God to reveal His truth in the Bible as she reads the Bible for herself without any outside influences.
> 
> *Christ makes it very plain that self righteousness is not from His spirit.*
> *James 1:5
> If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.*


Salvation, wisdom and peace are not things you receive from a specific denomination. Anyone who tells you differently is proving their own ignorance.


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## Aule

There are a couple pieces of good news to this:

1) My wife does not belong to Westboro. What she actually belongs to is a small church of about 15 people run by a pastor of fairly narrow beliefs. Basically, any church which prescribes to the King James, literally, is a Godly church. 

2) My wife and I have ceased to discuss comparative theology. Case in point: she believes Roman Catholics to be idolators. I attended a Catholic university for six years.

3) She doesn't mind celebrating Jewish holidays. She considers Judaism to be part and parcel with Christianity. My daughter is even now celebrating Channukah.

4) She does mind my attending any church with a female pastor, but for me, this is the touchstone as to whether a church is liberal enough for me to attend. She refuses to set foot in any such. This has also raised major doubts in her mind whether mainline Methodism or even Lutheran are Godly churches, as they allow female pastors in their constitutions.

5) I found out that my wife will welcome me at her church, but will not order me to go there. What happened was I had dropped a bowling bowl on my foot, and I really didn't want to go but put on a jacket anyway. She said, "isn't your foot hurt?". I said I'd rather not go but that could be overridden by a direct order from her. She said, "I will NEVER order you to go to my church."

6) I usually remain silent, standing or sitting, at her service, I won't sing, nor will I do anything but whisper 'amen'. I also won't take Communion there, because I don't feel my faith is sufficiently rigorous to allow me to do it, and it is also my form of protest against what I see as their bigotry.

7) My wife and I DO share some common ground as far as prayer life. We have a form of grace for dinner, and my wife and I pray privately before making love, simply because for us it is always a beautiful experience that I consider equivalent to Holy Communion.

8)This is what I have to live with. For all the positive things, though, I feel she has lied to me to snag herself a good husband to have a child with. I feel used. I support my family with SSDI. When she gets hers, that would be a good time for me to bow out, and I'd do it without warning. She'll be loved and supported by her own extended family and the community. I won't be needed anymore. I will be free to find someplace else in the world where I might be more or use and also more appreciated.


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## RoninJedi

I think your wife has been misled spiritually. 

I think it's awesome that you accompany her to her church, despite the fact that the favor isn't reciprocated. That alone gives me a fair measure of the kind of man you are. But resigning from the marriage isn't the answer.

Specific doctrines aside, your wife is missing a very big point. She is NOT the spiritual leader of your home. That's not her job, her position, or her right. YOU are the one who is to fill that role. On the plus side, no, she doesn't force you to come to her church, but you are the one who is supposed to lead spiritually, and she is the one who is to follow.

Perhaps in the self-righteousness she has accrued (no doubt taught to her by that church), she has forgotten that the Bible very plainly tells us this.

Denominations are pointless, in my opinion. Every one of them has a core belief that not everyone agrees with, and that doesn't quite match up with Scripture.

Frankly, if this is an issue of disagreement in your home, the biblical solution is that YOU make the decision, and she follows.

My advice is to find a good Christian counselor in your area (NOT - I repeat, NOT the pastor of your wife's church) that can look at the situation objectively and help you find a solution.

I think your wife's heart is probably in the right place, but she has been taught things that are the exact opposite of what the Bible actually teaches and clings to them for dear life. A third party is needed here to help sort out the issues.


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## Machiavelli

What follows is probably more just academic musing, but perhaps there will be something useful to you.



Aule said:


> There are a couple pieces of good news to this:
> 
> 1) My wife does not belong to Westboro. What she actually belongs to is a small church of about 15 people run by a pastor of fairly narrow beliefs. Basically, any church which prescribes to the King James, literally, is a Godly church.


"King James Only" marks the congregation as semi-heretical in adherence to a belief that only extends back a few decades to its Seventh Day Adventist origins and is rejected by most of the 200+ Baptist denominations/associations. While some large individual "independent baptist" churches have adopted this belief over the last 30 years, her church is an outlier. Fairly extreme legalism worthy of any of the Pharisees is one hallmark of these churches.

I think it's interesting that she concealed her true beliefs as a member of a fringe, legalistic Baptist group, not by claiming to be mainstream Baptist, but by claiming membership in the Nazarene denomination, which is basically an offshoot of Methodism, also with female "pastors."



Aule said:


> 2) My wife and I have ceased to discuss comparative theology. Case in point: she believes Roman Catholics to be idolators. I attended a Catholic university for six years.


Well, it's tough for her to get around all those idols, right? 



Aule said:


> 3) She doesn't mind celebrating Jewish holidays. She considers Judaism to be part and parcel with Christianity. My daughter is even now celebrating Channukah.


Not unusual at all for mixed or even so-called "messianic" families. Obviously, Rabbinical Judaism and Christianity were just getting up and running after the destruction of the Temple when the latter split out of the former. It's interesting that some scholars of the time think Jews still made up the majority of the church as late as Bar Kokhba's Revolt. In any case, they certainly retained much authority as you don't see influence of paganism coming in until about that time. And of course, all of Jesus' parables and teachings are bathed in the Hebrew life of the times and prior.

I live across the street from a self-selected 2 square mile Ghetto with a very large Reformed Temple that has few showing up other than on high holy days, a Conservative congregation, a dozen small brands of orthodox and beyond, and a big "Messianic" congregation. 90% of the Jewish population of the neighborhood is not religious in anyway. My wife's business partner's son married a Shiksa known to us, so we get an earful of this kind of stuff from various people.



Aule said:


> 4) She does mind my attending any church with a female pastor, but for me, this is the touchstone as to whether a church is liberal enough for me to attend. She refuses to set foot in any such. This has also raised major doubts in her mind whether mainline Methodism or even Lutheran are Godly churches, as they allow female pastors in their constitutions.


As with Baptists, all Methodist or Lutheran congregations and denominations are not the same. Since you prefer female spiritual leadership you probably won't find much useful in what follows, but your willingness to submit to female direction is most likely adding to a subconscious reduction in her esteem toward you as a worthy mate. This would probably be the case in any relationship, but especially so in a relationship with a woman who puts a high value on following scripture. Even though she has little or no actual knowledge or understanding of scripture herself, she has had Ephesians 5 and the instructions for the selection of elders (apparently lifted directly form synagogue government of the time) beat into her head. I can't offer any solution to this, I'm just pointing out the problem. Since she falsely claimed to be Nazarene previously, you might get her to go along with that. They do have female "pastors."



Aule said:


> 5) I found out that my wife will welcome me at her church, but will not order me to go there. What happened was I had dropped a bowling bowl on my foot, and I really didn't want to go but put on a jacket anyway. She said, "isn't your foot hurt?". I said I'd rather not go but that could be overridden by a direct order from her. She said, "I will NEVER order you to go to my church."


Atheist or Believer, no male should ever allow a woman to order him to do anything if he wants to maintain sexual attraction over her. She can suggest or plead, as seen in the Bible where Abigail begs David not to kill her husband and David relents (the husband does soon meet his fate and Abigail ends up in David's bed as she wanted all along). In any case, David yields to Abigail's pleas, but maintains his Alpha frame.



Aule said:


> 6) I usually remain silent, standing or sitting, at her service, I won't sing, nor will I do anything but whisper 'amen'. I also won't take Communion there, because I don't feel my faith is sufficiently rigorous to allow me to do it, and it is also my form of protest against what I see as their bigotry.


I'm surprised they don't have a "closed" (members only) communion. Most fringe and even some mainstream Baptists still keep closed communion. I guess when you're dying to the point you've only got a dozen members attending, there is some slippage.



Aule said:


> 7) My wife and I DO share some common ground as far as prayer life. We have a form of grace for dinner, and my wife and I pray privately before making love, simply because for us it is always a beautiful experience that I consider equivalent to Holy Communion.


Now, you're sounding like a Puritan preacher!



Aule said:


> 8)This is what I have to live with. For all the positive things, though, I feel she has lied to me to snag herself a good husband to have a child with. I feel used. I support my family with SSDI. When she gets hers, that would be a good time for me to bow out, and I'd do it without warning. She'll be loved and supported by her own extended family and the community. I won't be needed anymore. I will be free to find someplace else in the world where I might be more or use and also more appreciated.


I think you could probably bring your wife around by generally appealing more to her hardwired predisposition to respond to male direction. In my belief that 95% of the women will follow if the male takes the lead in a decisive way. I think you would do well to read a book by an ex-Christian which is titled (badly) Married Man Sex Life. It's not so much about sex as it is stepping up and exhibiting behaviors that will make her very happy with you.

How old are you? Are you working?


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## Mr Blunt

> *Quotes of Aule*
> It is ironic in the extreme that she and I have more differences as Christians, her hard right and my on the left, than we ever had as interfaith believers
> 
> Advice, please?
> 
> 
> I feel she has lied to me to snag herself a good husband to have a child with. I feel used.. I won't be needed anymore. I will be free to find someplace else in the world where I might be more or use and also more appreciated.


With your latest post it seems that you have TWO issues with your wife.

1	Differences as Christians in faith
2	Your feeling of being lied to and used by your wife

If you want your marriage to be a successful one you and your wife will have to improve on both of the issues above. *I think that you both need a competent third party and/or the spirit to help you both. *


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## Aule

Machiavelli said:


> My wife's business partner's son married a Shiksa known to us, so we get an earful of this kind of stuff from various people.


Technically I've done the same, but I don't get blowback from my own family about it because they are nearly all dead from old age, disease, or suicide. There's no one left for me to be accountable to.



Machiavelli said:


> ... your willingness to submit to female direction is most likely adding to a subconscious reduction in her esteem toward you as a worthy mate.Since she falsely claimed to be Nazarene previously, you might get her to go along with that. They do have female "pastors."


Wife no longer liked Nazarenes once she learned they allowed women pastors.

I have an extremely good reason to submit to female direction. I've grew up with a dad who was a child and wife beater. If I try to listen to a male pastor, those memories come up. I can bypass the problem with a female pastor.



Machiavelli said:


> Atheist or Believer, no male should ever allow a woman to order him to do anything if he wants to maintain sexual attraction over her.


It's not that bad. She had never "ordered" me to do anything. I went to her church because I had tried to please her.

That said, if I'm supposed to be in charge, then I imagine I delegate most everything to my wife, reserving only 'emergency powers'. For example, I can declare my wife medically unfit to command, when she's really sick, and then take over everything for the duration.

Unlike my own father, I keep a very light hand on my family. I try to wait and see and find out how things fall out. Then I'm there to help pick up the pieces.'

Some of the hard-rightists, including my wife and members of my own family, think I do not discipline my daughter as I should, like they do, using force and corporal punishment, because they believe discipline has to come from above.

I disagree. I am dedicated to non-violent parenting. It takes more patience and effort, but I have found that catching her "being right" is considerably more effective than coming down hard during the times she is being childish. I'll either ignore her, or tell her to go to her room and return when she is ready to be civilized again.

I don't punish her for disobeying. I simply won't let her have what she wants. As I tell her: "you scratcha my back, I scratcha yours."

I do ground her for lying and for yelling, 3 days each occasion.

Just because I am non-violent does not mean I am permissive. It means I have trained my daughter from birth to respond to logic, reason, and love; rather than force and punishment.

(My daughter, my one child, is very bright and sensitive young lady. She actually goes to me when confronting emotional issues, because she trusts me more than she does her mother to not prejudge).

I want my daughter to understand the discipline comes from within, from the small still voice of reason I've been slowly building in her, rather than top-down authority from country to state to county to town to family to child. If the authority vanishes or becomes absent, how does one remained disciplined in their absence? A GPS is useless if the satellites go offline.




Machiavelli said:


> Now, you're sounding like a Puritan preacher!


Is that a good thing or a bad thing.




Machiavelli said:


> I think you could probably bring your wife around by generally appealing more to her hardwired predisposition to respond to male direction.


More like guidance. I can outrun her and outgun her intellectually. She actually says as a result, "it's useless to argue with me, so why should I try?" I'm also very subtle about directing her, so subtle that often doesn't even notice.

I would be the last person to cite the Bible for authority to her. I told her long since, that the only part of the Bible which is real to me outside the Pentateuch, are the two Laws of Love in Matthew.



Machiavelli said:


> How old are you? Are you working?


I am 51 years old. I am on Social Security Disability for inherited mental illness. I had been a software designer. Holding myself together one day at a time while doing chores and being emotionally available for my wife and child is what I consider a full-time job these days. My wife doesn't work either, because of psoriatic arthritis.


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## Aule

RoninJedi said:


> I think your wife has been misled spiritually.
> 
> I think it's awesome that you accompany her to her church, despite the fact that the favor isn't reciprocated. That alone gives me a fair measure of the kind of man you are. But resigning from the marriage isn't the answer.
> 
> Specific doctrines aside, your wife is missing a very big point. She is NOT the spiritual leader of your home. That's not her job, her position, or her right. YOU are the one who is to fill that role. On the plus side, no, she doesn't force you to come to her church, but you are the one who is supposed to lead spiritually, and she is the one who is to follow.
> 
> Perhaps in the self-righteousness she has accrued (no doubt taught to her by that church), she has forgotten that the Bible very plainly tells us this.
> 
> Denominations are pointless, in my opinion. Every one of them has a core belief that not everyone agrees with, and that doesn't quite match up with Scripture.
> 
> Frankly, if this is an issue of disagreement in your home, the biblical solution is that YOU make the decision, and she follows.
> 
> My advice is to find a good Christian counselor in your area (NOT - I repeat, NOT the pastor of your wife's church) that can look at the situation objectively and help you find a solution.
> 
> I think your wife's heart is probably in the right place, but she has been taught things that are the exact opposite of what the Bible actually teaches and clings to them for dear life. A third party is needed here to help sort out the issues.


I believe by now she would only accept me as "spiritual leader" only if my beliefs exactly lined up with hers. She won't follow an "unlawful order", so to speak  Basically, unless I am her type of Baptist, I'm not authorized to command her.

Therefore I've adopted a soft style of direction, rather than a hard style.

I would say I try to simply be polite and gentle and giving and loving to my wife and family every day. When my wife is sharp with me, I can defuse the argument in an instant simply by not reacting to what she says, and then simply ask leading questions as to what is distressing her.

I lead by example, not by direct quoting, and I only use subtle suggestions. My wife loves me for it (even if she does go a little overboard sometimes), and my daughter adores me for it.

I don't know what kind of spiritual leader I am, aside from the fact that I try to be the calm center for the rest of my household.


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## Aule

Machiavelli said:


> How old are you? Are you working?


I never heard any response from you regarding my first attempt to answer this.

I am 51 years old. My wife is 42. My wife and I married on my 40th birthday... I wanted her to be my birthday present, because I was starting a new life with her.

I had been a career software designer for a major aerospace firm. In 2005, when I was 45 years old, they laid off 1/3 of their people, including me. I have not been able to find work since.

I have autism, dysthymia, and bipolar depression. I've found it extremely difficult to find either work or love due to problems fitting in anywhere, either by my own error or by being outright discriminated against.

My wife and I met and fell in love with each other online, where I can be far more eloquent than it speech. For difficult issues we still resort to email.

We swapped roles. She taught school while I kept house and minded my daughter. I loved watching her grow up and I loved interacting with her.

My wife had two sisters. One sister had to move in with us when the other died. This had put a damper on our sex life from which we never fully recovered.

Three years later, in 2008, I was finally awarded SSDI.

During this time, my wife's arthritis steadily got worse, and she started getting sick of her job.

In 2010 I finally persuaded my wife to move back to her hometown, and we'd pool our retirement funds into a house, for which my SSDI would pay the mortgage. She leapt at the opportunity. I wanted to do this to get my sister-in-law out of the house, so I could finally have privacy with my wife once again.

I didn't really convert to Christianity until about 2011. I used to have a strong connection until 2012 my wife probably felt, "I have you now!", then started becoming so doctrinaire. Now my connection to You Know Who is tenuous at best. 

I think if I did leave the marriage, I'd revert back to Judaism. I finally understand why intermarriage is wrong. That said, I won't leave until I know my wife can be provided for by means other than myself, such as become eligible for For now, I make the best of it. It's still an 80% good marriage.. there's just times which drive me to silent distraction.

I don't argue with my wife. I had been severely abused as a child and I simply cannot be yelled at, I crumble. She knows this and therefore is only moderately sharp at me when she feels she needs to. However, her frequent sarcasm can really cut deep at times.

So, more or less at the beginning of the marriage we were equals, then when I got laid off I completely lost my confidence.

Even my wife tells me she misses the happy and confident husband she used to have. Hearing that really hurt, when I did hear it, I thought to myself: FINE, I'll leave so she can swap me for a less defective model. Still, I got over it. I will never have the marriage I used to have, and right now I only live one day at a time.

So, even if I was a normal human male capable of being "emasculated", losing my career would do it to just about anyone. Read my other threads to understand why I don't consider myself normal.


I've been using "soft power" ever since: delegating rather than directing, influencing rather than ordering, making choices rather than giving choices, trying to be a someone my daughter can confide her feelings in, and enjoying everything else about the relationship my wife and I, aside from broken religious life.

Comments?


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## Mr Blunt

I have heard more than once that a man puts his worth in his job. I am sure that has an affect. You being abused as a child does not help your thoughts about not being “normal”. To top everything off you are disabled and have several health problems. That is a heavy load you have to deal with but I do not think that your wife can make up for all of those issues. I do think that your wife has a perverted view of Christianity but that is probably not your biggest problem. However, I hope that she get a little more wisdom about true Christianity.


*If you are basing your Christian faith on your wife and your other troubles you are making a big mistake.* True Christianity takes the downtrodden, the wounded, the rejected, those that are heavy laden, the physically afflicted and helps you improve them. You have not been a Christian for very long so you may not have a clear view of what true Christianity is.



Even though your wife has a twisted view of Christianity you stated
*



“It's still an 80% good marriage.”

Click to expand...

*That is not a bad statistic; in fact that is way ahead of many marriages


My guess is that your main issues come from your abuse, physical problems, and being laid off from work and having to draw disability. Those issues are not what the Christian GOD sees as making a man valuable and a man’s main purpose for life. I do agree that those issues are what MANKIND sees as determining if you are normal and main purposes in life. *You have a choice; you can gear your life to mankind’s ways or God’s ways.* 


Is there a group in your Christian community that has these type problems and meets to support and help each other?


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## LostViking

You have your beliefs and your wife has hers. That is just the way it is.

Beliefs change over time. Spirituality is not fixed. It changes as the person grows and learns and experiences their faith. 

I don't think she was deliberately misleading you. She changed directions in her beliefs all of a sudden and it threw you off balance. So now you are throwing a fit. People with autism and Aspergers often resist sudden change of any kind. You know that by your own life experience. 

In fact I will diverge from some of the others here by saying that I think you are being unnecessarily harsh in your attitude. I see a lot of unreasonableness and petulance that just because your wife has conservative beliefs that she is somehow "backwards" and needs to change her attitude or else. That my friend is a form of reverse-bigotry in itself. 

Most of the issues you have stated you have experienced with your wife are common everyday issues that most married people encounter and have nothing to do with religious beliefs. These are the same issues that pagans and atheists and believers all share in common. 

I see nowhere where she has tried to force you to believe what she believes, has forced you to attend her church, nor has she lorded over you with her beliefs. By allowing your daughter to experience her Jewish roots, I think your wife has shown a great deal of liberalism. I personally know many Southern Baptists who cannot stand Jews and are outwardly Anti-Semitic. Your wife is not one of those. 

Another aspect of being a leader, is having the patience and love to see your partner through the changes they are experiencing and to try to understand them in a non-judgmental way. I don't see where your wife has judged you, but you seem to spend a lot of time judging her.


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## Aule

LostViking said:


> You have your beliefs and your wife has hers. That is just the way it is.
> 
> 
> Another aspect of being a leader, is having the patience and love to see your partner through the changes they are experiencing and to try to understand them in a non-judgmental way. I don't see where your wife has judged you, but you seem to spend a lot of time judging her.


Yeah, I imagine a Southern Baptist would be worse, with its prejudice against Jews. My family lives in the exact opposite part of the United States, so I'll consider myself lucky she's not that. I have a feeling that point is exactly what is keeping the marriage going.

Still, after I at least partially escaped from my parent's home I boarded at a Catholic college for six years. I had become non-observant by that time, and I had a chance to watch and learn how other people (students mostly) lived their lives. The people at the dorms, nearly all of them Catholic, were extremely good, kind, and cheerful people living the cleanest lives I had ever known. If I wasn't one completely messed up kid I would have converted back then...

Yet, my wife (and her pastor) have the nerve to malign these people who cared about me as idolators, people who have turned away from God to worship statues. That's bigotry of the worst sort.

If my wife did not have these and other stances which completely lack compassion, _I would not be judging her at all._ 

She's the best human being I've ever met in my life. Even with her faults, no one can replace her in my heart or in my life.

Even if it silently drives me up a wall sometimes


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## Machiavelli

Aule said:


> I would be the last person to cite the Bible for authority to her. I told her long since, that the only part of the Bible which is real to me outside the Pentateuch, are the two Laws of Love in Matthew... My wife doesn't work either, because of psoriatic arthritis.


Well, that's funny about her and the Nazerenes. Since you won't whip out the Bible on her, look up I Peter 3:1-6; just for your own amusement, of course. See, even women who profess inerrancy, still like to pick and choose. 

Psoriatic arthritis is something my wife has, and turned out to be connected to her Celiac disease. Has your wife been checked out for that?


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## Aule

Machiavelli said:


> Well, that's funny about her and the Nazerenes. Since you won't whip out the Bible on her, look up I Peter 3:1-6; just for your own amusement, of course. See, even women who profess inerrancy, still like to pick and choose.
> 
> Psoriatic arthritis is something my wife has, and turned out to be connected to her Celiac disease. Has your wife been checked out for that?


My wife actually has gluten sensitivity, of which Celiac is an extreme version of. I do much of the shopping, so switching her to gluten-free breads, pastas, and rolls seen to do her a world of good as far as bowel habits (and thereby comfort) are concerned 

Our primary physician has told us there is no connection.


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## LostViking

> *Yet, my wife (and her pastor)* have the nerve to malign these people who cared about me as idolators, people who have turned away from God to worship statues. That's bigotry of the worst sort.


This is a red flag to me. How close is she to this guy? 

You need to keep an eye on this. Some religious women develop crushes on their pastors (some have even turned into physical affairs), and they tend to follow these false prophets blindly. 

I think you need to sit down and have a talk about boundaries with her. If the two of you do not agree on religion, you need at least to agree on what is allowed in your marriage. 

I was raised Lutheran in a very protestant country, but I was never taught that Catholics were backwards or evil for venerating saints. Even my dad, who is hardcore Lutheran, tolerated Catholics.


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## Mr Blunt

> *Quote of Aule*
> Yet, my wife (and her pastor) have the nerve to malign these people who cared about me as idolators, people who have turned away from God to worship statues. That's bigotry of the worst sort.
> 
> If my wife did not have these and other stances which completely lack compassion, I would not be judging her at all.
> 
> *She's the best human being I've ever met in my life. Even with her faults, no one can replace her in my heart or in my life.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> Your whole emotional life is wrapped up in your wife. You have completely lost your confidence because you lost your job and your relationship with your wife has changed.
> 
> Stop blaming your wife, the pastor, religion, Baptist, etc. and start doing something to improve yourself. I am not saying that all the problems are your fault I am saying that you can not change your wife, the pastor, religion, Baptist but *YOU CAN CHANGE YOU!
> What are you doing to change you?*


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## Machiavelli

Aule said:


> My wife actually has gluten sensitivity, of which Celiac is an extreme version of. I do much of the shopping, so switching her to gluten-free breads, pastas, and rolls seen to do her a world of good as far as bowel habits (and thereby comfort) are concerned
> 
> Our primary physician has told us there is no connection.


no surprise. He probably believes eating fat causes heart attacks.


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