# Help



## Janet S (Oct 31, 2021)

My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


If your daughters are traumatized by him, because of what he did to them, you're going to have to chose your daughters over him if you want a relationship with them and any possible grandchildren. If you show them that you're not going to reconcile with him, they may come around and start wanting a relationship with you. 

You're going to have to rebuild your life as quickly as you can and as well as you can.


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## Janet S (Oct 31, 2021)

They are on my side but I don't want to rely on them for support. My older two are newlyweds and my youngest is in her first serious relationship and they're just heartbroken by his actions and questioning everything they ever thought about love.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Janet S said:


> They are on my side but I don't want to rely on them for support. My older two are newlyweds and my youngest is in her first serious relationship and they're just heartbroken by his actions and questioning everything they ever thought about love.


You may have to rely upon them for a time to rebuild your life, like taking classes and living in a spare room or something. Unless you want to work at Walmart, you need marketable skills for any real income. You can always trade off babysitting for their nights out in exchange for any help they extend. As long as they are willing to extend a help, seize it. This is not a time to be prideful.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Tell us about your situation. Are you employed? Has the divorce been started?

What do you mean by, "I don't want to bother family or friends to help me"? Help you how? Why don't you want to "bother" them? Do they know what's going on?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


Sorry you are here.

So when you say he left you for another woman. Has he filed divorce papers? Are you divorced? or has he just walked out the door.

I would suggest that you get an attorney. If the best one in your town is taken then get a better one for the next nearest town.

Other than your daughters who else knows?

Do you attend church they often times have emotional support available.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Please tell other family and friends so you have some support. They will find our eventually anyway.
Are there any counsellors in your area?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


You poor thing. BY ALL MEANS BOTHER YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY! That is what they are their for, that is their point. They love you. 

This is terrible. I am so sorry you are going through this, but unfortunately you are just going to have to suffer for a while. It's terrible but it is what it is. It will take a while for your hart to catch up.

Did you have any idea or did he just book off? 

Listen, there is nothing anyone can say that will make this any less painful. It's like going through a car accident or something you just have to suffer for a while, while you recover. It may make sense to see your primary and maybe get some meds for a short time if you are unable to function, but at the end of they day you will just have to have the courage to face it. 

You will get over it. Do NOT be afraid. All of what you feel is normal, you will recover. You will have joy again. 

Hang in here. Post here and other places. Lean on your friends and family.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

See an attorney please. 
I feel your pain and can only tell you what I think you should do:

Do NOT try to nice hkm
Back and play pick me. He’s already NOT picked you. Go nuclear on him. He’s already having sex with her so if (you shouldn’t) you want him back, your only chance is to kick him out and put him with her full time. He’s got a huge chance of crashing and burning in his new relationship and he has no reason to straighten up if he knows you’re there to be his soft place to land.
You can’t help being hurt. See a doctor. There are anti anxiety meds that can help take the edge of the pain and worry. See an attorney. He can’t leave you high and dry after 30 years.
Get a shark that will eat him alive. Take no prisoners. Scorched earth he has earned. Ignore your desire to be merciful. Has he?
Find a therapist if your insurance pays for it, or one trusted confidante to talk to and get emotional support.
Use this site for the same. We have all been where you are. We know the fear, the pain, the self confidence and trust in others that has been shattered. Lean on your relatives and friends. That’s what they are for! Just don’t overwhelm them. A therapist gets paid to listen. Get one of you can.

most important. See an attorney. Getting a new life going is the fastest way to get out of the dark place you’re in. He’s not the only man that will love you. Really.
Sorry you’re here.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


Are you a member of a church or any groups.
Go see a lawyer to see what your options are and go 'no contact' with your husband.
He deserves nothing from you and that includes communication.
Is the other woman married? If so, inform her husband immediately.
Change all the locks on the house doors
You must make yourself move on. Start joining some group, gym
Do you work?
Have you told his family and friends, make sure you do, blow up his world. Tell everyone who will listen, this is not your burden to bear. In a small town his behavior will not go down well.
Go to see a doctor to get tested for STDs
You will get through this and come out the other side stronger.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Janet S said:


> They are on my side but I don't want to rely on them for support. My older two are newlyweds and my youngest is in her first serious relationship and they're just heartbroken by his actions and questioning everything they ever thought about love.


When you say "support," what are you talking about, emotional support or financial support? If it's emotional support, talk to them some but don't overdo it. Maybe talk to a church counselor. If it's financial support, waste no time going out and getting two of any type of job, one full time and one part time and get busy making a living. That's what most of us have to do anyway. You need to summon your own strength and get busy earning money and don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Living well is the best revenge.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Janet S said:


> They are on my side but I don't want to rely on them for support. My older two are newlyweds and my youngest is in her first serious relationship and they're just heartbroken by his actions and questioning everything they ever thought about love.


More thank likely this is not your fault. I don't know your whole background in your marriage and we all contribute in some form or fashion to the fault out when it occurs, but him just leaving you is just that. Him leaving. You didn't walk away, you have to take this for what it is. Probably a blessing in disguise. You're daughters are young and this would be a prime opportunity for you to show them just how strong a momma you can be. 

You have to get out of the emotional part of it. Now not saying you don't deal with that, it will need attention, but don't let yourself be ate up with depression. Head down, figure out your financials if they need attention transition from two incomes to one. Focus on what you can do something about versus your husband leavening. The fact of the matter is relationships and marriages are messy. This could be a big gain in the end if you embrace it versus fight it and fall into a hole. I feel for you!

All this is easier typed out than done. I too need to take my own advice in my marriage.


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## Angel wings (Oct 31, 2021)

Ja


Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?
> 
> Janet am sorry to hear about your situation.. Firstly you need to be strong for yourself and your girls. I know it's hard but who said life is fair.. Pray my dear God will heal you from inside it will take time.. Did he file for a divorce dear..


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## HaJas (Nov 3, 2021)

Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


Find a good therapist and a really good attorney. I don't know what kind of man your dealing with, but if he did this to you out of the blue, it is not going to be an easy divorce. That's a sneaky personality type. Talk to your friends. All of them, get a support system in place, speaking from expierence, your gonna need it. Get yours and his fincial documents in order and change all your passwords. Take care!


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## planner1232 (Nov 5, 2021)

Janet S said:


> My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman. He was my best friend since we were 17 years old and I cannot face a future without him. I don't want to bother family or friends to help me but I am spiraling down to a dark place. I have three beautiful daughters in their 20's who are traumatized by their dad's actions so I cannot lean on them for support. I live in a town of 2500 and there are no support groups anywhere within a 50 mile radius. What am I going to do?


Look into circlesup.com it a good on line support group of people going through the same thing . I am recently separated and you cannot doit on your own especially with 30 yrs invested . Reach out to the best friends that can listen to your .. any divorced friends? They will know the pain . Or get a therapist.. after 20 yrs I am alone in the house and it's so difficult... With friends or therapist I would be worse than I am and I'm pretty down . Don't do it alone . Peace to you


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