# 20 questions for spouse about sex



## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, recently talked about 20 questions that can help couples "break the ice" in terms of talking about their sexual relationship. The original podcast for these twenty questions can be found at http://thewinonline.com/episode/lets-play-20-questions.

"You can make this a date night activity or something to discuss as you go for a walk. You could also choose a night for some pillow talk (with no expectation that it will lead to anything…!) and then ask each other the following questions. You may want to take turns who answers each question first. Here we go! 

1.What are three of your favorite things about lovemaking?

2.What three things did you previously think I liked most about lovemaking?

3.How often do you think most couples have sex?

4.What do you remember about our first kiss?

5.On a scale of 1-10 (1 = a little, 10 = a lot) how much do you enjoy kissing in general? What could make it better?

6.What is one of your favorite memories of us being intimate?

7.What are three things that happen outside “the bedroom” that make you most interested in being intimate?

8.What are three things that happen outside “the bedroom” that make you least interested in being intimate?

9.When we engage in non-sexual touch or affection (i.e. hold hands, hug, sit close, etc.) what does that usually communicate to you?

10.On a scale of 1-10 (1 = a little, 10 = a lot) how important is non-sexual touch and affection to you in our relationship?

11.Where do you most like being touched during lovemaking?

12.What does sex mean to you?

13.What is something you’ve thought might be fun to try sometime?

14.What misconceptions did you have about sex before we got married?

15.What is one thing you wish we would have done differently on our honeymoon?

16.How much do you think our honeymoon experiences affect the sexual relationship we have today?

17.Tell me what your ideal intimate encounter with me would be like?

18.What do you most think about or worry about when we are being intimate?

19.What do you most like me to say to you during lovemaking?

20.On a scale of 1-10 (1 = a little, 10 = a lot) how comfortable was it for us to have this conversation?"

Used with permission from Laura M. Brotherson.
Also posted at Improve My Marriage: Sexual Intimacy in Marriage


----------



## Rosie123 (Sep 5, 2011)

Things like this are awesome because it encourages communication. Even though you think you know someone, there is always something you can learn. I still learn new things about my hubby and we've been together for 13 years. Besides, we change constantly. Playing the questions game as newlyweds, and 10 years later will yield different answers. Thanks for this!


----------



## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

I'm willing to try it with my wife. Nothing else has worked so foar.


----------



## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Rosie123 said:


> Things like this are awesome because it encourages communication. Even though you think you know someone, there is always something you can learn. I still learn new things about my hubby and we've been together for 13 years. Besides, we change constantly. Playing the questions game as newlyweds, and 10 years later will yield different answers. Thanks for this!


Communication is so important in a relationship, especially communication about sex. I think all too often we think we know what our spouse wants or assume they know what we want.


----------

