# Need Help!



## Lonely720 (Sep 19, 2010)

New here. I'm 30, H is 35. Been together for 7 years, 5 were married. The past two years have been hell. I can't even describe everything...to sum it up: H has been deeply depressed and I couldn't even get him off the couch! Couldn't get him to a doctor for anything, even tried tricking him to get him in the car. He hates his job and won't do anything about it. Very moody. He's just miserable and won't seek help to fix it. I finally kicked him out when about 4 months ago he refused to cut back on some finances we needed to so we could catch up on things. I couldn't take the financial stress on top of everything else. Well, he told me he was expecting me to file for divorce, when I finally did. He didn't get sad or anything. Filed. Date set for divorce hearing. Now all of a sudden he's willing to do anything, except what I need him to do, which is get help! He saw a doctor finally and was diagnosed with depression....but won't take the meds! Refuses still to do anything about it! 

Do you think counseling with help? He's begging me to go and I just don't know....

I refused to see him Xmas day and he broke in the house to see me. He did not look right....he looked like he lost it mentally. He kept saying he has to see me. He was shaking and crying. It was pretty scary. 

I need help....what do you think?


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Things can always work out as long as you both want to. But he does sound like he needs professional help, he needs to take his medication. If you love him, please be patient with him. Depressing is something he can not help. One of the things about depressing is that they feel sad for no reason. Little things like getting ready or taking a shower are things that they have trouble with doing because nothing makes sense. He needs a doctor, trust me, he does not want to be like this, he just doesn't know how to get out. I am sorry that you are going thru this, but if you love each other, things can always work out. Praying for you!


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## Lonely720 (Sep 19, 2010)

I am well aware of depression...I was depressed after we got married and he reminded me every day to take my meds...but I wanted help. 

He doesn't seem to want help and isn't really making any progress. 

When can I say enough is enough? I can't keep watching him fade away into nothing! It's like he's slowly killing himself in front of me and it's killing me!


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I have people in my family, in my life, and myself who suffers from depression. Honestly, the only thing that helped me and my other family member was God. When we came to the Lord, that pain went away. Sure we still have bad days, but nothing compares to what we went thru before. 

As for your husband, it is not that he doesn't want help, it is his own sickness that is preventing him from trying to get better. It feels like his sane side wants to get out, but there is something that is trapping him. Please do not take this personally. He does want help, he needs help, and you can't help him alone, he needs professional help. He does want help, no everybody has the same symptoms, his sounds really severe.


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## CaliMomof3 (Jan 3, 2011)

I have to weigh in on this. I have suffered from depression off and on and I am currently fighting it off. Having said that, depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain. It is not within your mental control however once you realize things are "off" you have the option and ability to take medication. Yes the meds have side effects but guess what, so does depression!!! I was suicidal at one point, thinking of driving off of over passes and just ending my misery. What saved me were my children! People, being depressed is about an imbalance in your brain that is completely beyond your ability to control. You can "fake it till you make it" or exercise up the wazoo but there is a point where it is simply out of your control and you have to ask for help. If a person is not willing to ask or get help, then there is not much you can do! I suffered for months and I wanted only to be the best mom I could be. I went on meds, suffered the side effects but really was focused on an overall better life. Now I am still suffering from depression but not as debilitating so I can "fake it till I make it" and get by without the flashing suicidal thoughts. Please do not downplay depression but also understand it is totally the responsibility of the person to address and handle the issue. You do not have the power to make another person do anything! They have to want and be willing!

I wish you all the best!


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## Lonely720 (Sep 19, 2010)

Thanks Calimomof3...

I just don't think I can watch him do this to himself...It's unbearable. We have no children...so that's a plus right now...but I did have a miscarriage not long ago...the day before his birthday. 

It killed us. I still don't want to talk about it...but he says he's ready to have a family now after 7 years of telling me that he's not the daddy type. There was one year where I even begged him to have a baby and he refused...he's actual response was "You're silly".


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## Lonely720 (Sep 19, 2010)

Well, he just sent me a text saying he wants to talk about everything either Monday or Tuesday...


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

You said he wanted to go see a counselor with you? 

Yes, yes, yes, yes, go with him to that counselor! 

Even if it is marriage counseling and you're not going for his depression, it sounds like you need all the help you can get with him and the counselor will be able to get the ball rolling to getting him the help he needs.

Get him there ASAP and I wish you both good luck!


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## MAdadof1 (Jan 10, 2011)

Being married to a depressed person is extremely difficult, almost impossibly so. You can be sympathetic to their condition, but as others have mentioned only they can decide to seek help and follow advice. 

You have no obligation to continue to torture yourself by living in that kind of a situation. Some will tell you that you owe it to them and to your marriage to stay and help them, but frankly, been there, done that, and it just wasted 15 years of my life without changing a thing other than pulling me down into the gutter too. 

Save yourself. You only have one life to live.


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