# Please Help - can't continue this way



## ready2endit (Jan 21, 2009)

Hi everyone.
This is my first time at this forum and my first post. 
I will give you the condensed version: 
This is my 3rd marriage, we are both 48, married for 15 years now. 2 grown kids each from a separate marriage, both moved out. We are such oppisites; I'm always in a hurry and anxious, she is more causal and slow. I'm more of a laid back kind of guy and she is more serious. I'm easy going.... but she has a TERRIBLE temper!! I mean she will come completly un-glued at the most simple things. She will yell at me and call me stupid, dumb, inconsiderate, etc. She is very, very controlling and demands things go her way. I have been walking on eggshells for the entire time we have been together. I'm a recovering alcholic with about 7 years sobriety. I can honestly say I am always stressed and anxious any time we are together because I don't know what will 'set her off' at any time. She comes from a family that yelled; I did not. She has anger issues but she will not listen to me when I try and tell her that. The only time I actually experss myself and tell her how I really feel is when it is a bad fight and I'm totally pissed and have nothing else left to loose. I've always been afraid to tell her my real feelings for fear of her reaction. I just HATE it when she yells at me!!!
I must confess, I don't love, respect or really even like her. I haven't for a long time. My biggest obstacle is I don't want to lose my house and have to live in an apartment. Plus the hassle of moving, etc. That may sound trivial, but it really effects me. And yes, I also must admit that I'm really scared of the fact that if I do divorce her, that I will beat myself up later over the fact that I didn't try harder to salvage it. When things are good, they are really good. But when things are bad; whoa; look out!
I simply can't be myself when I'm around her. I'm living a big lie. 
And my it is putting my sobriety in jeopardy. The stress is un-real. I'm thinking of moving out for a month and see what happens after that.
Please advise... we are both going nuts.


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## Ladyred719 (Jan 17, 2009)

I may be wrong but. I believe you owe it to her to stay and try to work it out. for the first 8 years of your marrige you were an alcoholic she stayed and helped you through it. I believe she may resent you for that. have your tried counseling? I hear if nothing else a good theripist teaches couples to fight fair.

Please try and stick with it!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ready2endit said:


> I have been walking on eggshells for the entire time we have been together. I'm a recovering alcholic with about 7 years sobriety. I can honestly say I am always stressed and anxious any time we are together because I don't know what will 'set her off' at any time.


well that's a bit of karma for ya. 

what does she get so upset about? i used to be like this with my H, but he was being a real jerk at the time so partly i think it was ok. 

one thing i did catch is that possibly you are not stressed and anxious over her behavior, but b/c you think you might drink again. and if she would just calm down then you wouldnt have the urge to drink. so im kind of picking up on the fact that you might be blaming her for your need to drink again.


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