# Husband and depression need help (sort of long)



## whichwayisup (Feb 11, 2010)

Hi there 
well I;m 46 and the H is 55. we have been married for 27 years. we have a 21 yr daughter. 

ok so here is the problem, h lives in the past. he is off work on disability for depression and anxiety. he goes to the sessions 2 days a week. The problem is that he is very disappointed with our daughter. and he can move on.
(history: daughter had a boyfriend when she was about 15 - 16 for 3 years and well he was not the best thing for her but the more you talked to her about him the more she was with him until one she woke up) 
He has had high hopes for her and she has not lived up to them. not for the lack of trying however she does not want what he wants and I don't think that he can not accept that. 

She has moved around jobs and schools. she has not done well in school however we have been adding really pressure always asking or telling her to do her home work. constantly. (this was years ago) even now when she is in university he was on her case about it or if he did not say anything to her he would tell me "she is out of the house if she does not get good marks" etc
so I would ask her did you do your homework and well that gets into an argument with me and her. As Im trying to keep the peace. 

so this has been going on for years. now cut to the present day and why I'm writing this. Lately he has been going to his sessions and well every time he starts talking to me about our daughter I can not say anything. so I don't. I just listen as that is what he tells me to do as he does not want to fight and I understand that he needs to say what he feels I get that. but then he just goes off that "I'm not a good mother " "I have no moral values "
"how I have not class" and" how I'm an idiot and stupid". and "no wonder she is like this". "Shes a loser" "I can not take her any more " "I dont want her" (he is her biological father)
and it just goes on and on and on. 
every time I see my cousin or some friends that there kids are in university or they have finished he starts oh look so and so finished university or is doing really well and what do I have a loser for a daughter you never encourage her to be anything in her life. Such a disappointment I can not take her any more. you never guided her etc. so lately I have not been seeing anyone of my family or friends as I just can not take these fits any more. 

I feel that this is not normal. I'm at breaking point I just don't know what to do now. We have a house which he is threating to sell(he can not with out me). The way that this makes me feel is to just go away quit my job leave and never to be found again.
I can not take any more of this and I know what I want to do but i'm afraid I have never been on my own I married him when I was 20 (almost 20) never been with anyone else. I just can not take this any more I'm depressed my self and see my doctor 1 time a week and it is not helping I'm on meds I really don;t know how I'm keeping it together (i'm not I feel dead inside) there is no physical relationship. every time we talk the dog leaves the room. 

he is also a diabetic.

help....


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