# After reading about women's weight in the men's section...



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

I feel like I have even a harder battle to fight. I am battling to lose weight, a significant amount.

Husband and I are starting to go to MC to work on communication and his "almost" EA

Sometimes I think his boundaries are SO loose with me though, like it takes a LOT to get him jealous, because he's not worried someone will find me attractive 

I admit I have my own self esteem issues to work on that I am also starting to address...


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hey, you're addressing them, and that's a start!

Are you in IC as well? Sounds like you could use a bit of that to help you work your way through this. Good luck.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Hey, you're addressing them, and that's a start!
> 
> Are you in IC as well? Sounds like you could use a bit of that to help you work your way through this. Good luck.


I'm not but I probably should be...in the past I have suffered from depression and still take meds for it (pretty messed up childhood/past)


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Angel5112 said:


> Some men just aren't jealous. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. My husband is not jealous at all and he never has been. His view is that jealousy is a product of distrust, and if he can't trust me then what is the point. He is very black and white and never really had a lot of insecurities. Is your hubby like that at all?




Yes he says that kind of stuff...like I trust you otherwise I wouldn't be with you. Or if he can't trust me what's the point...yes he says stuff like this...

we still have an active sl  I think his libido is mostly the same, maybe less over time as we get older, now have kids and are more tired....but more recently I want it to be more active...I recently talked to him about this


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

find things that make you feel better that don't involve carbs or sedentary activities

I know it's hard to get into an exercise routine but once you get going it truly does make you feel better and it will help kill two birds with one stone


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> find things that make you feel better that don't involve carbs or sedentary activities
> 
> I know it's hard to get into an exercise routine but once you get going it truly does make you feel better and it will help kill two birds with one stone



I just started to again...trying to walk/jog..possibly do couch to 5k again. 

I have 2 young kids and a job that has me sitting in front of a computer BUT I know...no excuses...

I also told husband I want US to do more physical stuff together...hikes, bike rides, etc. He is definitely for that and he is always about eating healthier...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

yellowstar said:


> I just started to again...trying to walk/jog..possibly do couch to 5k again.
> 
> I have 2 young kids and a job that has me sitting in front of a computer BUT I know...no excuses...
> 
> I also told husband I want US to do more physical stuff together...hikes, bike rides, etc. He is definitely for that and he is always about eating healthier...


glad to hear it, get that heart rate up during your activities, it will start producing endorphins and you will look and feel better!


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> RED FLAG!!! RED FLAG!!! RED FLAG!!!
> 
> A healthy person will not worry someone else finds their SO attractive.
> 
> They will be proud and happy their partner is attractive. And secure in themselves knowing they are who their SO is going home to.



Wait, so are you saying that about husband or me? He is healthy because he is not worried about that? I know a lot of these issues are ME...losing the weight and bringing up the self esteem


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Angel5112 said:


> Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. Sure, I will agree that his utter lack of jealousy does at times feed my insecurities, but I generally give myself and mental slap and tell myself to stop being so crazy!  Be happy that you have a husband that is so laid back.  It really is a great quality to have in a life partner. I have been in the opposite type of relationship and it is not fun.
> 
> Good luck with your weight loss journey. I am trying to lose 30lbs the next few months. I am a naturally tiny person and have really gotten off track this lack year. I am a stress eater and unhealthy food increases my stress...it's a viscious cycle. Also, when I don't eat right exercising becomes more difficult. Time to get back on track before it gets out of hand! You should blog about it here for support.


Thank you! I am a stress eater as well and over the years, from when I was a kid with a lot of screwed up stuff happening, I went and still go to food. Time to get real about this...


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Right, healthy adults should not be jealous over things like their partner being attractive.
> 
> But the red flag is the way you worded it that made it sound like you try to make him jealous.
> 
> Maybe I read that wrong.



Gotcha, thanks  That makes sense and makes me feel a bit more secure too. Husband is a good guy, I don't want my issues to ruin a good thing


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Told my husband about plans to make these healthier changes...mostly for me but for a whole bunch of other reasons too...

He said he will do whatever he can to support it...and that to him I'm the most beautiful person and always smiles when he sees me


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`ve dated women who thought I didn`t care for them because I didn`t get jealous when they thought I should have.

I just don`t have time for it.

I don`t get jealous unless I have good reason to and I`m not sure that`s actual jealousy


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I know how hard it is to lose weight. I've lost 100lbs 3 times after 3 children. Only 16 came off from the baby and delivery, the rest was up to me. I did it by walking the first time and running after the other two.

I'm now in my late 30's and I broke my neck 4 years ago and I'm permanently disabled. My eating habits didn't change until a year ago. I gained 30lbs quickly, but I lost 20 just by eating 900-1200 calories a day. I still go through eating spurts since I love food so much! I keep telling myself that "I eat to live, not live to eat". I'm just now getting back on track from going over my calories for 2-3 weeks everyday. Yikes! I did gain weight from it.

I can only bike(started 6-8 months ago) a short amount each day, but it has helped me be able to be more active in my daily life. I'm trying my hardest to lose these last few pounds. I'm not sure if I can, but I'll keep trying. It really kills me that I can't run or walk far. I miss it so much. I started running when I quit smoking, so I wasn't always a runner. Once I got into it, I was hooked. I love to exercise, but I'm now extremely limited to my daily activity or my neck pain will be unbearable for weeks.

My husband is an athlete. I think this is what motivates me wanting to stay thin. He's very thin himself and very toned. I use to be, but far from it now.

One thing I really try is not to go into a depression. I have my bad days, weeks, but I'm able to snap out of it. Living in 24/7 severe pain really sucks, especially since its going to be this way for the rest of my life.

I keep myself occupied and busy. My husband built me a coop, so I can focus on their upkeep. It keeps me moving and off the bed/couch since I need to keep it very clean. The coop is inside our garage. My hens are all extremely friendly and run towards me every time I walk outside. Some try and fly up to my shoulder or my lap. This hobby has seriously changed my life. It, too, keeps me up and moving through out the day! I think having a hobby really makes life a whole lot better.

I will keep biking as long as I can. I try to push myself, but I need to watch it! I do not show my insecurities around my husband. I am confident and we have a very healthy intimate life. We always are intimate late afternoon, early evening, so it's always light in our room.

Good luck! I know this is a very difficult lifestyle change. It can be done! When my children were babies and toddlers, I'd put them in the playpen and run/walk on the treadmill, wait until they napped or waited for hubby to come home and watch them.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

I am going through the same thing 

Husband had an EA (funny he STILL doesn't think it was one) and the fallout on my self esteem has been great. During one of our arguments-I asked him how he would feel if I flirted with another man like he had with his OW. He said, I don't have to worry about that b/c that would never happen. And he means it-he honestly doesn't think I could ever find someone else...

So, fast forward a year later-I have been running 15 miles a week-lost weight-gained some back...but I think things are slowly getting better for me. I've been in IC for 6 years for childhood issues but I know it's a slow road. You have to be patient. 

We went out for drinks for a going away party for a guy I worked with. We came home, husband said, why did you sit away from me the whole night? I said b/c there were a lot of people there that I hadn't seen for a while that I wanted to catch up with. He said well you sat next to Bill all night (while Bill's gf was on the other side of him..). I said.."Remember you have nothing to worry about b/c no guy would ever flirt with me" :rofl:
Conversation ended.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I know how hard it is to lose weight. I've lost 100lbs 3 times after 3 children. Only 16 came off from the baby and delivery, the rest was up to me. I did it by walking the first time and running after the other two.
> 
> I'm now in my late 30's and I broke my neck 4 years ago and I'm permanently disabled. My eating habits didn't change until a year ago. I gained 30lbs quickly, but I lost 20 just by eating 900-1200 calories a day. I still go through eating spurts since I love food so much! I keep telling myself that "I eat to live, not live to eat". I'm just now getting back on track from going over my calories for 2-3 weeks everyday. Yikes! I did gain weight from it.
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear about your injury...but your post was inspiring...you touched on a good point. Finding hobbies to do that have me up and moving :smthumbup: Thank you!


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Mrs1980 said:


> I am going through the same thing
> 
> Husband had an EA (funny he STILL doesn't think it was one) and the fallout on my self esteem has been great. During one of our arguments-I asked him how he would feel if I flirted with another man like he had with his OW. He said, I don't have to worry about that b/c that would never happen. And he means it-he honestly doesn't think I could ever find someone else...
> 
> ...



omg, I love this story! I have to learn to be patient...sounds like we're going through something very similar...


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

yellowstar said:


> omg, I love this story! I have to learn to be patient...sounds like we're going through something very similar...


Yep-my h's work wife-he couldn't say no to her or be mean to her so when she would text at 10pm on a Friday night a really dumb work question-he would have to answer..And the peer pressure too..his guy co workers would tell him to do cute little jokes for her -he couldn't say no in front of the the guys...PUUKEEE:cussing::cussing::cussing:

It has gotten better-it's just been a very slow journey for both of us. Hang in there!


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