# Meeting people



## katies (May 19, 2015)

Hubby and I have a small group of people we hang with quite often, they are people we met while our kids were in HS and we all traveled together to watch sports teams. We go on vacation together, spend time at each other's homes, etc. 
So hubby and I recently moved and we thought great, we will meet new people to add to our group of friends but here's the thing, not one person has come over and introduced themselves or brought cookies over or anything. Not one. I would do this within days of a new family moving into my neighborhood. 
Is this how it is now? 
Most of these folks are empty nesters like ourselves. They're not running around after kids. We're thinking of having a neighborhood Christmas party but not sure if anyone would come. 
We have made a pact of inviting one couple (acquaintances from around town) over once a week for dinner. 
It just seems odd to me that more people don't entertain. Does this seem normal to others? Maybe it's just me...


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

This is the Ladies Lounge, so perhaps I should not answer. However, I am quite good at ignoring such issues.

Note I live in New York State.

Perhaps you had lived in a more rural place and moved to a more urban place?

My wife and I do not entertain. No one came over when we moved in. Same was true in Portland, Oregon. One neighbor came over in San Jose California, in 1991. That covers my working career in this industry back to 1979.

I suspect it might be something to do with the size of the urban area. Neighbors are viewed as a nuisance. 

We live in a townhouse apartment complex, gated and upscale. Every time we look at houses I have sticker shock over the taxes here. My wife accidentally parked in the wrong parking space one night and the neighbors keyed our car. Management says so what, we deserve it. 

That is all neighbors are. Vicious scum.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*All that you can realistically do is to extend the invitation to them all and see what transpires!

I’d venture to say that if put on nicely, your guests will come! Then it’s up to you to pick and choose who it is that you want to associate with!

Nothing ventured ~ nothing gained! Give it a try!

But then again, I speak friendly “Texan!”*


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

WilliamM said:


> This is the Ladies Lounge, so perhaps I should not answer. However, I am quite good at ignoring such issues.
> 
> Note I live in New York State.
> 
> ...


We live in a rural state in the Midwest in a medium size college town of about 30k. We moved a mile away from former home.


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## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

Depends on where you live.

Where I live if someone doesn't come around and stab you in the neck, you're already ahead.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I have moved a lot. It's our experience over 30 years that people do not come over or entertain as much as they used to. I think if you take the initiative, people will follow. Everyone is so insular now.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Seems normal to me. We moved into our house about 3 years ago and there wasnt any sort of welcoming from other neighbors. I have had neighbors move in directly next to and across the street from me, we didn't do anything for them. Why would we?

As far as entertaining, it depends on personality and situation. You are an empty nester, so that is much different then my situation where my W and I are knee deep in young kids. Likewise, entertaining people is exhausting for both my W and I. We are happy to do once in a while but then we are good for a bit (and this is all with people we are good friends with)


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You met the other people through the catalyst of the activities of your children. It is possible you did not notice strangers do not spontaneously come over since the ice was broken another way.

Perhaps you need another catalyst to help you meet the neighbors. When we lived in Portland my wife wanted to try square dancing. I suggested going back to school. Under water basket weaving. Mary was keen on pottery.

I got her a dog.

I agree, if they do not try to stab you in the neck you are doing great.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

NickyT said:


> I have moved a lot. It's our experience over 30 years that people do not come over or entertain as much as they used to. I think if you take the initiative, people will follow. Everyone is so insular now.


ok, so we're on the right track and need to keep going with our plans.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> . I have had neighbors move in directly next to and across the street from me, we didn't do anything for them. Why would we?



Because it's a nice thing to do, to welcome someone? I guess hospitality is big with me.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

katies said:


> Because it's a nice thing to do, to welcome someone? I guess hospitality is big with me.


That would imply that not welcoming someone is not nice lol  . We live in a big neighborhood (lot of property between houses, etc...) so it isn't all that common to see your neighbors frequently. Everyone is busy, running around with their families/work etc... doing their own thing.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

katies said:


> Hubby and I have a small group of people we hang with quite often, they are people we met while our kids were in HS and we all traveled together to watch sports teams. We go on vacation together, spend time at each other's homes, etc.
> So hubby and I recently moved and we thought great, we will meet new people to add to our group of friends but here's the thing, not one person has come over and introduced themselves or brought cookies over or anything. Not one. I would do this within days of a new family moving into my neighborhood.
> Is this how it is now?
> Most of these folks are empty nesters like ourselves. They're not running around after kids. We're thinking of having a neighborhood Christmas party but not sure if anyone would come.
> ...


When I bought my house in the US, I also had an expectation that I would get to know my neighbors and have the enjoyment of socializing with them. However, like you, that never materialized and after many years, I don't know any of their names and they don't notice that I am away each year for about five or six months. My experience living in a high-rise condo in Shanghai is somewhat similar. Neighbors also do not know each other and mostly consist of young professionals. Previously I lived in an older housing unit in a small (relatively) city in China in which families have lived there for many years. There were always people to talk to sitting outside and I never needed to cook my own meals. 

Therefore, this is partly a global problem. People tend to socialize on-line more and have less need to develop face to face friendships.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Maybe take them cookies and introduce yourself, see if that will work.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Lostme said:


> Maybe take them cookies and introduce yourself, see if that will work.


You know, I thought of this. I think we'll do the Christmas party thing.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

My H & I moved a few months ago and did not experience anyone actually knocking on our door to introduce themselves or welcome us to the neighborhood. However, I got to meet a lot of the neighbors any ways! 

Do you get your mail or arrive home at the same time? How about when you work on your yard? Next time YOU make eye contact with them & give a wave, then take the initiative to walk over & introduce yourselves. Keep it upbeat & short. 

Do you have a dog & walk it? That's a great way to meet neighbors! There's nothing better than your dog pooping in your neighbors yard to break the ice!


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

It is the norm where I live for at least the few surrounding families to come and say hi. Our neigbour looks after our pets when we are away, brings in mail etc. We drink wine on the balcony regularly which is always fun.
My Dad always told me to make sure you were friendly with the neighbours, I prefer to live in a place where people wave and say hi.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> My H & I moved a few months ago and did not experience anyone actually knocking on our door to introduce themselves or welcome us to the neighborhood. However, I got to meet a lot of the neighbors any ways!
> 
> Do you get your mail or arrive home at the same time? How about when you work on your yard? Next time YOU make eye contact with them & give a wave, then take the initiative to walk over & introduce yourselves. Keep it upbeat & short.
> 
> Do you have a dog & walk it? That's a great way to meet neighbors! There's nothing better than your dog pooping in your neighbors yard to break the ice!


These are all good ideas! We don't have a dog. I get home at an odd time - 3:30 so not ppl out then. And we moved about a month ago so no more yard work until next spring. HOWEVER, a lot next spring.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Lostme said:


> Maybe take them cookies and introduce yourself, see if that will work.


I wonder how many people would come to open the door. I usually don't open the door anymore because my unexpected visitors are there to sell something.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> My H & I moved a few months ago and did not experience anyone actually knocking on our door to introduce themselves or welcome us to the neighborhood. However, I got to meet a lot of the neighbors any ways!
> 
> Do you get your mail or arrive home at the same time? How about when you work on your yard? Next time YOU make eye contact with them & give a wave, then take the initiative to walk over & introduce yourselves. Keep it upbeat & short.
> 
> Do you have a dog & walk it? That's a great way to meet neighbors! There's nothing better than your dog pooping in your neighbors yard to break the ice!


Since most people in our neighborhood are in similar situations in terms of family, you eventually end up meeting them at the bus stop, school events, and nudey bars.

My neighbors dog peed in our garage, and their 5 yr old son decided one Sunday morning to get dressed up, walk out of his house while his parents were sleeping, and knock on our front door. Oh, and one day the husband forgot to get his son off the bus, so the mother called my W to check on him. She ended up walking into the house and he was just hanging out in his tighty whities on the sofa (overweight / hairy dude lol)... Think we have had enough of meeting the neighbors lol


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Since most people in our neighborhood are in similar situations in terms of family, you eventually end up meeting them at the bus stop, school events, and nudey bars.
> 
> My neighbors dog peed in our garage, and their 5 yr old son decided one Sunday morning to get dressed up, walk out of his house while his parents were sleeping, and knock on our front door. Oh, and one day the husband forgot to get his son off the bus, so the mother called my W to check on him. She ended up walking into the house and he was just hanging out in his tighty whities on the sofa (overweight / hairy dude lol)... Think we have had enough of meeting the neighbors lol


Well, our first day there hubby locked himself out of the house and of course his car, with his cell phone in it, was in the garage. He had to knock on doors and actually borrow someone's phone. So, he met two neighbors that way. One didn't answer because she was getting dressed and then came out to apologize. 
We don't know their names though. So, there's that.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

katies said:


> Well, our first day there hubby locked himself out of the house and of course his car, with his cell phone in it, was in the garage. He had to knock on doors and actually borrow someone's phone. So, he met two neighbors that way. One didn't answer because she was getting dressed and then came out to apologize.
> We don't know their names though. So, there's that.


Don't know if you are tech savvy, but another idea. My neighborhood has its own Facebook page. I would actually say from there we have actually ended up talking to people in our neighborhood that we probably otherwise would not have met.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

katies said:


> These are all good ideas! We don't have a dog. I get home at an odd time - 3:30 so not ppl out then. And we moved about a month ago so no more yard work until next spring. HOWEVER, a lot next spring.


Ok, well, I don't recommend that you poop in the neighbors yard then. >


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Ok, well, I don't recommend that you poop in the neighbors yard then. >


Not true if you plan properly


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> there's nothing better than your dog pooping in your neighbors yard to break the ice!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

katies said:


> Hubby and I have a small group of people we hang with quite often, they are people we met while our kids were in HS and we all traveled together to watch sports teams. We go on vacation together, spend time at each other's homes, etc.
> So hubby and I recently moved and we thought great, we will meet new people to add to our group of friends but here's the thing, not one person has come over and introduced themselves or brought cookies over or anything. Not one. I would do this within days of a new family moving into my neighborhood.
> Is this how it is now?
> Most of these folks are empty nesters like ourselves. They're not running around after kids. We're thinking of having a neighborhood Christmas party but not sure if anyone would come.
> ...


It depends on the people, some are more extrovert and love entertaining(like you seem to), and others are more introvert and happier spending time on their own or with close family. We moved to another area last year and while the neighbours are fine, they all pretty much keep themselves to themselves which suits me as I am much more of an introvert and don't like parties or entertaining unless its my close family. Our immediate neigbours are friendly and we chat to them quite a lot, and take in parcels for them etc, but we don't socialise apart from that. 

We go to church so are making friends there, and both belong to midweek groups, but these things take time especially when your children have grown up. Just because your last neighbourhood did things one way, that doesn't mean that the new one will. 

You will probably need to get out there and do things, join local clubs, a choir, book reading club, do some voluntary work, take up hobbies etc to get to know others. 
We also have a dog so we chat to other dog walkers as well, but again we don't socialise.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

I think people are too busy to entertain.
Or they don't have a decent space for it.
A good flow in a home is key. Otherwise everyone just compartmentalizes. 
Seriously.
If you're an empty nester I'm assuming you're also older? As in 50+?
People are set in their ways by then and tend to travel very little outside their current comfort zone.

We're currently house hunting and the neighbourhood is very important to me for this reason. I don't want my neighbour's to be empty nesters. I don't want them to have teenage children, either. I'm determined to have an entertaining space as well. I don't want to share my adult space with kids toys It's hard to socialize if you have complete different lifestyles and tastes. We are the young childless but WANT children married couples at lol


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Well we are 51/55 and our house is set up for entertaining. But, so is everyone else's here. I suppose yes, ppl have their groups and comfort zone.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Does your neighborhood have any kinds of groups that regularly meet? Like HOA, planning committee, bible study, etc? If so, join them and you'll be hooked in with the social people.

Does your neighborhood have any common meeting place? Like activity center or pool? Hang out there and you'll meet people.

Also, see if your neighborhood has a social media page like on Facebook or whatever. Neighbors will often announce parties or things like that which are open to everyone.

Also, go for walks around the neighborhood on the weekend. People will be working in the yard and such. You'll spot the sociable neighbors in the way they greet you. Now's a good time since people will be doing Christmas decorations and that'll be a good conversation starter.

I personally wouldn't want neighbors welcoming me to the neighborhood. I'm much more of an introvert, and socializing with neighbors is generally much more trouble than it's worth to me. So if you start chatting with neighbors, please be observant if they prefer not to chat. There are a few neighbors who yammer on and on and I make every effort to avoid them at all cost. Saying "Hi" is fine. Going on for 30 minutes about whatever when I'm clearly showing no interest is not.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I think people are too busy to entertain.
> Or they don't have a decent space for it.
> A good flow in a home is key. Otherwise everyone just compartmentalizes.
> Seriously.
> ...


I think that many older couples have grandchildren as well, and they are often busy with them. Most of the people in our cul de sac have teenage/adult children and it suits us. A couple of families have school aged children and I think its good to have mixed age groups in a neighbourhood. 
When we moved here a year ago it was the church and local facilities that we were more interested in. We wanted to be within walking distance of shops and a good church and doctors etc. 
We didn't know what age our neighbours were as we never met the owner so couldn't ask, but that didn't worry us too much. As long as they don't have wild noisy parties or frequent loud rows that suits us.:smile2:


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

wilson said:


> Does your neighborhood have any kinds of groups that regularly meet? Like HOA, planning committee, bible study, etc? If so, join them and you'll be hooked in with the social people.
> 
> Does your neighborhood have any common meeting place? Like activity center or pool? Hang out there and you'll meet people.
> 
> Also, see if your neighborhood has a social media page like on Facebook or whatever. Neighbors will often announce parties or things like that which are open to everyone.


no, it's a small neighborhood.


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