# I cheated then she did to get even.



## oilfieldguy (Jul 3, 2011)

I started this all with cheating several times. I told her I would stop, but done it several times. After a while she just stayed because it was easier. Then she went out cheated to get even. I have grown up and i have stopped the cheating. She has stopped. We are trying to work it out. Here is the problem, I dont bring up what she has down. I know what I have done is worse. She throws it in my face pretty often and if I bring it up that she has done it then I am just trying turn the tables. it has been over a year since we have started over. our sex life is not good. she says all she can do is think of me with the other woman. Again if I bring up what she did i am being a jerk. Need help on what to do.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Go to counseling. She probably did do it to hurt you and can't get passed it.


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## oilfieldguy (Jul 3, 2011)

She said she did it to get even and she felt that we were over. She no longer loved me. We decieded to try again because she said she was still inlove with me. Dont know why, I pulled plenty of stupid stuff. We talk about going to counseling but never do.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Then go.
My wife and I have tried to work through it (D-day 7 weeks ago) but we keep stumbling over at the same places. We love each other and want to make it work so we are going to MC.
It's a must.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Getting back together and not dealing with the problems is likely more painful than beating your head against a brick wall. And about as likely as making a good marriage. Are you expecting the "Relationship Fairy" to visit you one night and fix things magically?

Not meaning to be overly harsh, but you need to take action to make things better. Otherwise you're probably better off separated. Of course, if you don't understand why you cheated the first time, you're not likely to be successful the next time around either. Posting in here is A first step. But actually following through with some counseling is more likely to benefit you both.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oilfieldguy (Jul 3, 2011)

We went to counseling in the past. It is the part that help me realalize that I was done with cheating. I will not cheat again. I have found my demons and I am in control of that part. There is alot of the story that I did not write. Just going with the basic info. When we were going to counseling she had made up her mind she was done. She was just staying because it was easier than going out into the world alone and starting over. 1 year and 4 month ago she started dating a guy and ended our marriage. After she figured out he was using her she wanted to get back together. Thats when we tried again. We have not going back to the doc and get help. We were useing the books he had giving us.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, you will only get advice and comments based on the information you provide. The psychic advisors are one channel over... 

But that doesn't answer the question about why you haven't gone back. Especially if it seemed to help the first time. And she apparently has some issues to still air out. Her staying because it's easier than starting over is not resolving anything. FWIW, I did something similar early in my marriage. We separated 5 years in (on my decision), I decided that I didn't want to start over, and we got back together. I realized 12 years later that was one of my biggest regrets I had, and now we're separated presumably for good. Staying because it was easier ended up being a horribly painful mistake for everyone.

So again... My advice us that if you want things to change, you need to take some active steps to make it happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Slightly similar story here. She cheated, I cheated, she cheated again. Read it here
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/18394-recovering-infidelity.html
It can work out, it just depends how bad the two of you want it.


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## oilfieldguy (Jul 3, 2011)

I have suggested to go back to the doc. She does not seems to be interested in going back. She is still operating under the rules that I cheated and she did nothing wrong. Again I know I did worse than her but she still went out and cheated too. I understand her pain. I am having alot of trouble taking the accusations and the constint thinking that I am messing around lately. I am losing intrest in our sex life. It started to get better to get better until the last time she told me she had to think of me with other women to get excited. I was really up set and when I told her we got into a arguement. I am losing hope that we will make it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

> We went to counseling in the past. It is the part that help me realize that I was done with cheating. I will not cheat again. I have found my demons and I am in control of that part. There is a lot of the story that I did not write. Just going with the basic info. When we were going to counseling she had made up her mind she was done. She was just staying because it was easier than going out into the world alone and starting over. 1 year and 4 month ago she started dating a guy and ended our marriage. After she figured out he was using her she wanted to get back together. That's when we tried again. We have not going back to the doc and get help. We were useing the books he had giving us


Sounds like your wife is not really serious about reconciliation and only came back to you because the OM turned out to be a dud. That means that you'd history if the OM had turned out to be a quality guy.

I know you want to make amends but serial cheating is something that very few couples can really recover from. I just don't see that happening in your situation.

One question though, are you sure that your wife is not in contact with the OM?


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## oilfieldguy (Jul 3, 2011)

Yes she is done with him. When we got back together She ask me to get the money back from him that he borrowed from her. He was a con man out for the money. I work in the Oil field and I am gone on the rig for 2 weeks at a time. I often think she is out doing something annd of course she is convinced that I am doing bad things also. I think she is content just sitting at home with the kids. I strongly feel that is the only reason she stays.


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