# Words you don't use when having a disagreement with Wife



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wide open.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

This is a good thread and my pet peeve. You can be mad and angry and fight with your significant other, but you should never be MEAN. Name calling should never happen.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Err... Let's see- " Your selfish" " Your self centered" "You only think of yourself" "Your wrong" starts the bat a swinging.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Stop
Food
Sex


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

All in my thoughts on this so far. 

Mine include:
Stupid
"you always"
Fat, skinny, etc. Nothing derogatory. 

More to come. And some words or phrases I've never used in 35 yrs, to my and circumstances benefit.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you just don't think....or what were you thinking


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

"I could do better."


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You sound like your mother.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Why are you being so dramatic?

Calm down.


Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> "I could do better."


Oh, that would be a bell that could never be un-rung!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> "I could do better."


Another, wow, that would be a bridge once crossed that would change the whole relationship dynamic.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I feel nothing


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

You are sounding like your Mother

Threatening divorce


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Another, wow, that would be a bridge once crossed that would change the whole relationship dynamic.


A guy that I was dating in my 20s pulled that line on me. I was trying to let the down relationship as softly as possible. At the time, I believed that men and women were alike in that "being friends" was a softer landing towards breaking up (after 6 months) than total NC.

HE wasn't having that and asked me why am I going out with some friends ...... as if he owned.

Finally, he said, "I could do better. I could find a woman with a real job." I was substitute teaching at the time and looking.

But at least I had a backbone and told him to get lost. that was when he stepped up the stalking and showing up places where I was. (I believe my sister played informant for him when I look back on it. No one has a hit rate that good without a pipeline........)

I thought about that exchange over decades and it didn't make sense to me that he would insult me like that but still chase me. And then finally i remembered that he was a poor boy in the 70s, around the time that divorce laws changed. He probably noticed in his neighborhood that when relationships broke up that a woman had only the clothes on her back when she left. So when a woman heard the dreaded "I could do better" they probably "learned to behave."

That scenario finally made sense to me.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

****, *******, ****, *******, *****, ****-****, ******, *******, ***, ****, *****, etc.



(btw, I just typed stars, not actual words before anyone says, ''HOW DARE YOU, SIR!)


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I don’t care anymore


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I'm miserable what about you!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Do what you want.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I wouldn't mind any specific word or group of words as long as they are not offensive, insulting or disrespectful. 

Anything from name-calling or derogatory words or cussing .... would be a total turn off and it would be very disappointing to me. 

Even during arguments, I expect the same level of respect and constructive discussion. Anything less would influence the feelings toward my SO.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*When married to my RSXW, who was a minimum of a borderline alcoholic, words like "drunk," "sot," and "druggie," all came to mind, but were never used!

Had I known she was cheating on me during our marriage, some other juicy terms, undoubtedly, would have come to mind! *


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

lovelygirl said:


> I wouldn't mind any specific word or group of words as long as they are not offensive, insulting or disrespectful.
> 
> Anything from name-calling or derogatory words or cussing .... would be a total turn off and it would be very disappointing to me.
> 
> Even during arguments, I expect the same level of respect and constructive discussion. Anything less would influence the feelings toward my SO.


This captures the focus here.

There are some words some spouses, man or woman use wildly nilly that have long reaching effects and they don't know it, or do, and don't care.

The whole group of what words that are as @lovelygirl mentions differ from person to person.

But, some words are always not helpful.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Whatever


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

How about “all of them”


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Now we're off and running. 

Words I use in limited engagements: "I'm going", "I'm going to do this", "there's nothing at all wrong with xxx".

Never use:
"If you don't like it too bad"
"If you do that I'm going to do xxx"

"You're just wrong"
"You're being xxx"


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Any words you don't ever want to hear come out of your child's mouth along with the attitude implied.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> You sound like your mother.


This. She's clueless on this one, despite my telling her it should be banned outright in our house. For both of us. Each of our mothers have had issues. So what? It's guaranteed to drown out reason. It's like saying "I'm not going to hear anything more you have to say on this subject."



NextTimeAround said:


> "I could do better."


I misread this one. Thought it was an introspective thing, like, I can work to be a better person. I'm not so certain there aren't times it's appropriate to remind someone that you, as a couple, exist by choice. Marriage is not a life sentence without possibility of parole.



StillSearching said:


> Stop
> Food
> Sex


"Stop" is one of my all-time least-favorite things to hear. It's telling the other person that they're either they're incapable of adding anything to the conversation, or that the conversation is one you want to have, but he/she won't. Horrifyingly demeaning. Not so sure about the food. As for sex, the bigger the issue sex is, the more often you hear how all you want to talk about is sex. I think the overall context for these three words (or two of them, at least) is that you end up living in a Groundhog Day kind of world. Nothing is ever resolved.



Tilted 1 said:


> I feel nothing


Who hasn't heard a song like Phil Collins' "I don't care anymore" and recognized a few times in their relationship that they felt like that? But we have to not let that happen. We can't allow ourselves to become comfortably-numb. If that seeps into our relationship, it's going to be a quick spiral to the bottom. Or should be. If your SO tells you that, the meaning must be brought front & center quickly. Challenge it. Don't let it fester. 



sunsetmist said:


> Any words you don't ever want to hear come out of your child's mouth along with the attitude implied.


Like "I don't have to admit to anything I don't want to?" Or "Because that's not my job." Or "Why do you always want to make me cry?" "Why should I have to change? That's your problem, not mine."


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## Why Bother (Apr 26, 2019)

Crazy
*****
You know how you are
You need professional help

Words cannot be unheard.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Calm down.

Do you have you period?

Lol.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I usually start with, could you put down the kindle and talk......


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

...and yes, you _did_ look fat in that bridesmaid dress.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> You sound like your mother.


Especially if your wife has ever said: "Please tell me if I ever start to sound like my mother!"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Actually, if your spouse is in one of "those" moods anything you say is the wrong thing to say.


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