# Suggestions?



## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

I need help. It's been almost exactly a year ago when I decided I had enough of my husbands emotional affair with a coworker. I gave the ultimatum, the wh*re or me. He chose me for whatever reason. I can't move on. He's done anything and everything I've asked from him and I can't allow myself to let go of the whole ordeal. 

I need suggestions for books that I can read to maybe help me out of this emotional hole I'm in. It's making me physically ill and I have two kids that need me. Meds haven't worked and I can't afford a counselor since my insurance doesn't cover it. I've lost 40 pounds and my hair is falling out by the handful. I feel completely discarded by the one person I loved most. Nothing he says or does helps. 

Any ideas?


----------



## missmolly (Jun 10, 2012)

I am sorry that you are feeling this pain and wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even an enemy. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it's early days. Most say it takes 2 to 5 years to recover from infidelity. 
I am now 16 months from dday, and finally have some periods of peace. I now go several hours without thinking about it and when I do, it is with more acceptance. 
I can't recommend any books as I don't have access to English ones where I am living at the moment and the mail service is unreliable. 
I have made a reading list for when I can, but will wait to see if others make suggestions first.

Have edited to add this title
“Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Harley.
I haven't read it but others speak highly of it.


----------



## DH1971 (Sep 15, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> I need help. It's been almost exactly a year ago when I decided I had enough of my husbands emotional affair with a coworker. I gave the ultimatum, the wh*re or me. He chose me for whatever reason. I can't move on. He's done anything and everything I've asked from him and I can't allow myself to let go of the whole ordeal.
> 
> I need suggestions for books that I can read to maybe help me out of this emotional hole I'm in. It's making me physically ill and I have two kids that need me. Meds haven't worked and I can't afford a counselor since my insurance doesn't cover it. I've lost 40 pounds and my hair is falling out by the handful. I feel completely discarded by the one person I loved most. Nothing he says or does helps.
> 
> Any ideas?


Counseling
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Buy some of the self-improvement/self-hypnosis tapes/CDs that are available.


----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Shattered
You are going to have to do it mostly yourself. *You need to build your self up body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Don’t just read about it, do it!*

You need support and you will have to reach out to the appropriate people and get your self involved in the right things. There are support groups and places for your faith that can help build you up and they are free.

Your husband’s role is to not hinder you from building yourself up. With the stage you are in you should not try to help your husband with his troubles right now. You are not strong enough right now. I know than may sound cold but you have to depend on you right now. You depended on him for your emotions and look what you got.

*You need emotional and spiritual help and it is out there if you diligently pursue those areas. *You have to get better so that you can help your children more and then when you get better you can look at your marriage situation. The only changes you need to make right now are the ones that will build you up.


----------



## frank29 (Aug 22, 2012)

Hi everybody on this forum is and has gone through what you are going through there is no magic bullet only time and support others or from the guys here you will get all sorts of advice and support and try and do other things to help take your mind of what has gone on just a walk any thing to divert your thoughts and give you a new direction to think about


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> I need help. It's been almost exactly a year ago when I decided I had enough of my husbands emotional affair with a coworker. I gave the ultimatum, the wh*re or me. *He chose me for whatever reason. *I can't move on. He's done anything and everything I've asked from him and I can't allow myself to let go of the whole ordeal.
> 
> I need suggestions for books that I can read to maybe help me out of this emotional hole I'm in. It's making me physically ill and I have two kids that need me. Meds haven't worked and I can't afford a counselor since my insurance doesn't cover it. I've lost 40 pounds and my hair is falling out by the handful. I feel completely discarded by the one person I loved most. Nothing he says or does helps.
> 
> Any ideas?


Regarding the bolded: Have you ever asked him _why_ he chose you over the OW? 

It seems that he hasn't communicated to you about this affair at all. Saying he had a "crush" on her is gaslighting, in my opinion. How long exactly did this "EA" go on for? After reading your other threads it doesn't seem like he's answered truly for his affair and that is probably a big sticking point. Do you suspect it was more than an EA and that's why you're in your emotional hole?


----------



## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Regarding the bolded: Have you ever asked him _why_ he chose you over the OW?
> 
> It seems that he hasn't communicated to you about this affair at all. Saying he had a "crush" on her is gaslighting, in my opinion. How long exactly did this "EA" go on for? After reading your other threads it doesn't seem like he's answered truly for his affair and that is probably a big sticking point. Do you suspect it was more than an EA and that's why you're in your emotional hole?


You're so right on. He hasn't. In my heart, I know there was much more than just a little crush. He was obsessed with her. Just last night I asked him if I could talk to him about what is bothering me. I got a response of (long sigh) "if it'll make you feel better". He doesn't care. Why do I keep trying?


----------



## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

ShatteredinAL said:


> I need help. It's been almost exactly a year ago when I decided I had enough of my husbands emotional affair with a coworker. I gave the ultimatum, the wh*re or me. He chose me for whatever reason. I can't move on. He's done anything and everything I've asked from him and I can't allow myself to let go of the whole ordeal.
> 
> I need suggestions for books that I can read to maybe help me out of this emotional hole I'm in. It's making me physically ill and I have two kids that need me. Meds haven't worked and I can't afford a counselor since my insurance doesn't cover it. I've lost 40 pounds and my hair is falling out by the handful. I feel completely discarded by the one person I loved most. Nothing he says or does helps.
> 
> Any ideas?


My secret tip; Mastery Of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz and Janet Mills could maybe be a good starting point just to have your thoughts stirred up a bit. Helped me see things differently.


----------

