# Braless. Hubby has a big problem with it. Is it his or my issue?



## Kate-Delv

Hi everyone

Any help would be appreciated.

I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.

To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!

For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)

I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.

The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
(But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)

I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)

Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.

It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.

So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.

What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?

Thanks
K


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## alliexoxo

I'm a 28 year old woman. I agree that it looks disgusting out in public. If he had a problem with it in your home it would be a different story. Every time I see someone without a bra in public I cringe. I know bras suck but the more you pay the more comfy they are. Have you tried any full coverage bras from Victoria's Secret ? Or maybe a bra without underwire? I know many will disagree with me but I'm on your husbands side on this one


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## Emerging Buddhist

I woud ask to to explain in better words than the one he is using and the true concern... it may take a few tries to get it to the surface but there is probably something more to it than the word he is using.

And no... if that is comfortable for you then that is your business, just be as respectful as you seem to be.


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## MJJEAN

I also cringe when I see braless women in public. It just seems...slovenly and a bit trashy to me.


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## Kate-Delv

alliexoxo said:


> I'm a 28 year old woman. I agree that it looks disgusting out in public. If he had a problem with it in your home it would be a different story. Every time I see someone without a bra in public I cringe. I know bras suck but the more you pay the more comfy they are. Have you tried any full coverage bras from Victoria's Secret ? Or maybe a bra without underwire? I know many will disagree with me but I'm on your husbands side on this one
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ok. I wanted honest replies so i respect your opinion. I dont think it looks bad when i see other women but its not my opinion that counts. So thanks for being honest.

I used to wear very comfy bras but i have just got used to not wearing one and they all feel uncomfortable and just doesn't feel right


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## Yeswecan

My W does not wear a bra around the house. She will out in public. If not for gravity doing what gravity does the colder weather tends to make her nipples stand at attention. Men being men(pigs LOL) will stare like deer in the headlights. She is not a fan of that normal bodily function. My W does like the push up bras. She feels it helps with her form. Helps with the nipples and cold weather.  

I don't find it gross. But it really is not something I see often. Perhaps your H could use a better word? Finds it unappealing perhaps?


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## WorkingOnMe

MJJEAN said:


> I also cringe when I see braless women in public. It just seems...slovenly and a bit trashy to me.




That’s why I’m all for it. B cup or less? No need to hold them back. 


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## ButtPunch

I think your hubby lacks good communication skills.

However, you should respect his feelings.

Why hurt him intentionally if you don't have to.


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## Aburjwal

I think the way he chose to communicate this to you was rather insensitive and I can see why you're upset. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him that he could have communicated his feelings in a different way.

Also, I don't have a problem with braless women in public. Every person has a right to decide what they're comfortable with.


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## Married but Happy

It's your body, and your choice, if you are comfortable with the possible attention you may attract. We still live in a very puritanical society, though, so perhaps keep that in mind, and he may have had a conservative upbringing. Even so, his response is insultingly exaggerated, and he needs to learn to express his concerns better. However, also consider what you'd think if he wore a tiny speedo at the beach, etc.


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## MJJEAN

Married but Happy said:


> However, also consider what you'd think if he wore a tiny speedo at the beach, etc.


I think the equivalent would be more like wearing a tiny speedo at the grocery store, the bank, or a restaurant.



WorkingOnMe said:


> That’s why I’m all for it. B cup or less? No need to hold them back.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


A cups don't look as bad braless, but I think B cup is the border between "whatever" and "eww, trashy slovenly and underdressed".


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## Bananapeel

How big of a deal do you want to make this? The key to a happy marriage is knowing what to fight over and what to let go.


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## BobSimmons

Gee I must be asexual or something, I never notice if a woman is wearing a bra or not.

Maybe the husband should wear a bra...or as someone else put it..a comfy bra (are these bras made out of clouds or silk) and see how he feels walking around with them.

Your body, your choice. Tell him to kick rocks


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## Yeswecan

Married but Happy said:


> *However, also consider what you'd think if he wore a tiny speedo at the beach, etc.*


Watch the shrivel factor in the cold ocean water. LOL. Opposite affect as a nipple in the frozen food section of the grocery store. Some clothing should not be worn where others should be.


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## Yeswecan

BobSimmons said:


> Maybe the husband should wear a bra.


Some do. Let's not go there.


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## Bibi1031

The delivery was bad for sure, but he does have a point based on society as it stands right now. There are lots of pervs out there. 

I am a woman, and like you, I hate wearing a bra, but it is sadly a necessary evil. Honor his wishes and wear a bra in public. It's not a terrible request IMO. Like the other poster stated, learn to pick your battles. 

On a more humorous note, be glad he is disgusted by it and not like all for it like @WorkingOnMe is.


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## Mr. Nail

Disgusting, cringe worthy, slovenly, trashy, unappealing, eww. Are we talking about beards again? 

It's about the same importance in my mind. Mrs. Nail wears unless she is sleeping that is her choice and I keep my opinion out of it. At 50 + years old an a solid D cup it's probably best for everyone. But if she was like many women I know and ripped it off the minute she walked thru the door, I wouldn't be complaining either. Way back when I had a GF who was on the smaller size and she went with or with out depending on what she was wearing. It did not give me jealousy issues or make me cringe. It was just how she felt comfortable.


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## MattMatt

@Kate-Delv At the risk of causing offence to some other TAM folks, I think that a woman going braless in public can be a very attractive look. (Hippy skirts, gypsy blouses, oh! Flashback! )

And I would guess that the idea of men (and women, I knew a Lesbian who thought the braless look rocked!) happening to see you going out braless _might _be why your husband has a problem with you being braless.


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## Townes

Might be that it makes him feel insecure having guys check you out when you're going braless. As guys we have acceptable and unacceptable emotions we can express. It's not okay to say we're scared, so we pretend we're angry. Saying it's disgusting might have been easier for him than being vulnerable and saying it makes him insecure.


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## 269370

Kate-Delv said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> 
> 
> Any help would be appreciated.
> 
> 
> 
> I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.
> 
> 
> 
> To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!
> 
> 
> 
> For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)
> 
> 
> 
> I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.
> 
> 
> 
> The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
> 
> (But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)
> 
> 
> 
> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)
> 
> 
> 
> Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.
> 
> 
> 
> It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.
> 
> 
> 
> So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.
> 
> 
> 
> What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks
> 
> K




Were you going to wear a shirt or a top?


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## Yeswecan

inmyprime said:


> Were you going to wear a shirt or a top?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Nah...just let them fall as they may.


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## Windwalker

Interesting the split between the women and the men. I haven't seen it often, but I'm of the opinion it's tacky and trashy.

Gives me the impression that they are trying to get attention.


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## Cynthia

Personally I am not particularly modest about my breasts. I think people need to chill. However, if my husband had a problem with me not wearing a bra in public, I'd wear one. It may be uncomfortable, but you'll get used to it. Find some sports bras that are soft and comfy and wear one of those when you go out.

I think you're making way too big of a deal over this. Your husband thinks it's disgusting for women to go out in public without a bra on. He doesn't think you are disgusting. He thinks it's immodest and messy. Many people think the same way that he does. Many people think this is an issue of modesty, not just whether it looks "good" or not. To some people, going without a bra is almost like going topless. I disagree, but it doesn't really matter what I think about it. What matters is that your husband is offended by it and he is not unusual. He's not asking something strange and unusual of you. He wants his wife to look decent when she goes out. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.


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## Kate-Delv

Thanks everybody. Different views but i needed to hear them


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## hairyhead

Perhaps appropriate and inappropriate are better words.

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## oldtruck

Townes said:


> Might be that it makes him feel insecure having guys check you out when you're going braless. As guys we have acceptable and unacceptable emotions we can express. It's not okay to say we're scared, so we pretend we're angry. Saying it's disgusting might have been easier for him than being vulnerable and saying it makes him insecure.


Exactly this. His poor choice of words. You and your rack is not disgusting.
You going out without wearing a bra is his wife putting on to good of a show.


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## Magnesium

Woman here.

I almost never notice if a woman is wearing a bra or not. In my opinion, whether someone looks trashy or slovenly has to do with the overall appearance. If someone was clean and decently dressed and I simply happened to notice they weren't wearing a bra, I would not think the lack of bra made them suddenly look trashy. If someone looked dirty, unkempt, and sloppy and had a bra on, I wouldn't be thinking they were not slovenly after all. 

I suspect your husband has some ingrained ideas about modesty and is having trouble communicating with you. Perhaps you could go get some soft and comfortable sports bras to start. And, please do try to talk to your husband about this without attacking him or making him responsible for your hurt. Ask questions with the right tone and see if he can find more suitable words to convey his feelings about it.


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## StarFires

If you look up the word "sloven" the dictionary says messy and careless. But people, including myself, have always used the word to mean lazy and low life.

So, I grew up being taught, and it also became my own opinion, that you shouldn't walk on the back of your shoes. I thought that was sloven and looks bad. But when mules became popular, I began walking on the back of a pair of gym shoes I had. They were a very expensive pair, and I thought it made them look like mules. A friend of mine told me "That looks so sloven." She and I were always honest like that with each other, so I wasn't offended. And, like I said, it was always my own opinion too. I don't know why I thought I was so special and could get away with doing something that I, myself, felt shouldn't be done. While mules may be a fashionable type of shoe, it's still disgusting to walk on the back of your shoes even though it makes them look like mules.

In that same manner, it's really just a standard that some people have that a woman should always wear a bra in public. As you can see, there are people here who agree with your husband. For some, it's not a matter of looking disgusting. It's just a matter of standard and seems sloven when a woman doesn't wear one. You are probably too young to know, but it used to also be a standard that women should always wear a girdle, even very slender women. It was just a standard and not as though every women needed to wear a girdle or that they looked disgusting if they didn't. It was a shameful thing not to wear one and not a disgusting thing. Just part of what was considered proper attire. The public's opinion about wearing a bra is the same thing.

I think you took your husband's words out of context. He did answer your question to exempt you from LOOKING disgusting. To him, it's a disgusting thing for a woman not to wear a bra in public, and that doesn't necessarily mean a woman looks disgusting without one. He was only trying to say he thinks it's something a woman should do, and going braless in public is something a woman shouldn't do.

No real reason to be hurt or offended. We women are often a little sensitive about our looks and what our men think of our looks. So, you mistakenly took his meaning as some kind of personal affront, but it really wasn't.


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## Magnesium

StarFires said:


> No real reason to be hurt or offended. We women are often a little sensitive about our looks and what our men think of our looks. So, you mistakenly took his meaning as some kind of personal affront, but it really wasn't.


I think using terms like "disgusting" in reference to not wearing a bra, or walking on the backs of one's shoes is hyperbolic at best, because it is a term most often used with the intent to offend. "Disgust" is drenched in judgment and is meant to describe a state of feeling or being that is extreme. 

Words matter; they mean something. And, there are many to choose from!


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## Cromer

My XWW would never leave the house without wearing one and didn't even want a bra strap to show. GF is the same way. For me? A woman who is not wearing a bra shouldn't expect me to be looking at her face when we're talking and shouldn't expect it. Maybe I'm old fashioned but to me, it's a statement of "look at me!" :nerd:


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## BarbedFenceRider

Having a spouse who is well endowed, I say, wear the bra. Go bra less when you are with your hubby. My wife gets enough attention called to the twins during the day, I don't need more stress by having them basically "shoved" into other men's hands and faces!

If you haven't been out in awhile, you need to start out conservative to a point anyway.... Learn your boundaries as like others have said, they will be taken advantage of....


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## StarFires

Magnesium said:


> I think using terms like "disgusting" in reference to not wearing a bra, or walking on the backs of one's shoes is hyperbolic at best, because it is a term most often used with the intent to offend. "Disgust" is drenched in judgment and is meant to describe a state of feeling or being that is extreme.
> 
> Words matter; they mean something. And, there are many to choose from!


Be that as it may, what words matter and mean to you are not necessarily what they mean and matter to her husband. He told her she doesn't look disgusting but used the word to describe what he thinks people shouldn't do. What he meant by that was implied, so maybe he doesn't know as many words to choose from as you do. He chose the one he feels best fits her actions but not her looks.

Moreover, there is a reason I explained the difference in the meaning of the word "sloven" and the way people have normally used the word. The purpose was to point out, very simply, that people use words differently than they actually mean, so their statements are based on what the word means to them and not necessarily on what it would mean to others. Again, he was talking about the action of not wearing a bra is disgusting, but the meaning of that word he chose to use may not be the same to everyone. He could have meant it as something that shouldn't be done and is lazy or sloven when a person does it, and not necessarily that it looks bad.


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## Cletus

Kate-Delv said:


> but its not my opinion that counts.


No, it is in fact ONLY your opinion that counts. 

We don't get to both live in the #metoo era while telling women what they must wear beneath their clothes. Tell your husband to pound sand. Nicely, of course.


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## NextTimeAround

What do people think of men going commando, especially on track suits and short shorts.


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## Mr. Nail

NextTimeAround said:


> What do people think of men going commando, especially on track suits and short shorts.


Tripping hazard.


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## StarFires

Mr. Nail said:


> Tripping hazard.



LOL


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## lifeistooshort

A well fitting, comfy bra can make you look amazing. 

Just saying.


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## MattMatt

StarFires said:


> Be that as it may, what words matter and mean to you are not necessarily what they mean and matter to her husband. He told her she doesn't look disgusting but used the word to describe what he thinks people shouldn't do. What he meant by that was implied, so maybe he doesn't know as many words to choose from as you do. He chose the one he feels best fits her actions but not her looks.
> 
> Moreover, there is a reason I explained the difference in the meaning of the word "sloven" and the way people have normally used the word. The purpose was to point out, very simply, that people use words differently than they actually mean, so their statements are based on what the word means to them and not necessarily on what it would mean to others. Again, he was talking about the action of not wearing a bra is disgusting, but the meaning of that word he chose to use may not be the same to everyone. He could have meant it as something that shouldn't be done and is lazy or sloven when a person does it, and not necessarily that it looks bad.


That is not what he said to her. This is the quote from her original post:



> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. *All women look disgusting if they are braless*. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)


He believes that all women look disgusting if they are braless. Which must, therefore, include his wife as she is part of all women.

I can understand him being not happy with his wife not wearing a bra outside the home and letting it all hang out as we used to say, back in the day. 

But from that to believing it to be "disgusting" for all women to not wear a bra is a bit of an over reach, I think.


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## john117

NextTimeAround said:


> What do people think of men going commando, especially on track suits and short shorts.


Supposedly it works in cycling. Chaffed skin is a real issue and again supposedly the right type of cycling tu-tu apparel and seat do wonders.


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## StarFires

MattMatt said:


> That is not what he said to her. This is the quote from her original post:
> 
> 
> 
> He believes that all women look disgusting if they are braless. Which must, therefore, include his wife as she is part of all women.
> 
> I can understand him being not happy with his wife not wearing a bra outside the home and letting it all hang out as we used to say, back in the day.
> 
> But from that to believing it to be "disgusting" for all women to not wear a bra is a bit of an over reach, I think.


I can't disagree, Matt, but many have already concluded that he meant something other than what he said. He can't very well answer no to her question that SHE doesn't look disgusting, and then say "all" women look disgusting. He clearly meant something other than what he said because that is a contradiction in terms. What he stated cannot be taken literally, as many of us didn't. Some questioned him using the word "disgusting" to conclude he used the wrong word. Some others feel he doesn't like it because he does not want other men looking at her breasts. That is another way some tried to explain his reason for saying it since clearly he didn't mean it the way it came out. So, I played devil's advocate to explain it isn't a personal affront to her or what it looks like, but rather what he thinks of women who don't put on a bra as a matter of the action (or rather inaction) and compared that to the sloven nature of walking on the back of my shoes. It's not that it looks bad but that it's a lazy and low life thing to do.


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## sokillme

Cletus said:


> No, it is in fact ONLY your opinion that counts.
> 
> We don't get to both live in the #metoo era while telling women what they must wear beneath their clothes. Tell your husband to pound sand. Nicely, of course.


Or you can have a marriage where you care how your spouse feels about stuff like this and take that into account in your decision making. Now maybe he should have told her better, for instance like saying "I don't think that look is very attractive in general" but telling your spouse to pound sand because you don't like their opinion or worse telling your spouse their opinion doesn't count is not a good recipe for a healthy marriage. No person is autonomous in a marriage. That is the whole point of being married isn't it?


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## Steve1000

sokillme said:


> Or you can have a marriage where you care how your spouse feels about stuff like this and take that into account in your decision making. Now maybe he should have told her better, for instance like saying "I don't think that look is very attractive in general" but telling your spouse to pound sand because you don't like their opinion or worse telling your spouse their opinion doesn't count is not a good recipe for a healthy marriage. No person is autonomous in a marriage. That is the whole point of being married isn't it?


FWIW, I think that telling someone to go pound sand is more polite than telling someone that they look disgusting.


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## alliexoxo

BobSimmons said:


> Gee I must be asexual or something, I never notice if a woman is wearing a bra or not.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe the husband should wear a bra...or as someone else put it..a comfy bra (are these bras made out of clouds or silk) and see how he feels walking around with them.
> 
> 
> 
> Your body, your choice. Tell him to kick rocks




There are definitley bras that are more comfortable than others. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and my bra has gotten too little. I know my boobs are only going to get bigger this pregnancy and after birth as they will fill with milk so I didn't want to buy an expensive bra. I went to Walmart and bought a bra for $3.98 and it's so uncomfortable and itchy!!!! Can't wait to be able to go to VS and spend $45 on a bra that won't bother me when out in public 


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## SpinyNorman

I read an article about police ticketing women for being topless at some beach, and they did a poll if it should be legal or not. Women were far more likely to be oppose legalizing it, even though it was their liberty that would be restricted. 

So far this thread seems entirely in keeping with the article.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Do wearing bras help to counteract or delay the cruelty of gravity? What I mean is do breasts tend to stay perkier longer for women that wear bras more than those that don't or is it just a genetic thing?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Cletus said:


> No, it is in fact ONLY your opinion that counts.
> 
> We don't get to both live in the #metoo era while telling women what they must wear beneath their clothes. Tell your husband to pound sand. Nicely, of course.


I have to disagree, at least to a mild extent. And it has nothing to do with what era we’re living in.

Left to my own devices, I’d go out frequently dressed in a way my wife would not like. This is a frequent phenomenon as more men are inherent slobs than GQ types. But rather than tell my wife to pound sand, I leave tat frayed, ragged, 20 year old Black Sabbath concert t-shirt in the drawer and put on a decent shirt before appearing in public.


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## SpinyNorman

john117 said:


> Supposedly it works in cycling. Chaffed skin is a real issue and again supposedly the right type of cycling tu-tu apparel and seat do wonders.


Yes. If you are going to ride a real distance, bike shorts w/ no undies are by far the best thing. I know from experience.

The thickest part of a pair of jeans is in the worst possible spot.


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## StarFires

SpinyNorman said:


> I read an article about police ticketing women for being topless at some beach, and they did a poll if it should be legal or not. Women were far more likely to be oppose legalizing it, even though it was their liberty that would be restricted.
> 
> So far this thread seems entirely in keeping with the article.


No accounting for scruples. Everybody should WANT to be able to do whatever they and everybody else please?


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## Livvie

I think it depends on how large your breasts are.

If they aren't large, and you aren't subjecting the general public to an embarrassing eye full, I think you should go braless unless it's a social event.


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## Kate-Delv

Livvie said:


> I think it depends on how large your breasts are.
> 
> If they aren't large, and you aren't subjecting the general public to an embarrassing eye full, I think you should go braless unless it's a social event.


Thanks. Im only a B cup


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## Red Sonja

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Do wearing bras help to counteract or delay the cruelty of gravity? What I mean is do breasts tend to stay perkier longer for women that wear bras more than those that don't or is it just a genetic thing?


It's genetic, has to do with the elasticity of your skin. That is why there are young teenagers with non-perky breasts and 70 year olds with perky breasts and, everything in between.

As to the OP ... does anyone realize that *bras are an historically recent invention*? We can thank the Victorian Age for all the modesty silliness ... it is a separate issue and has nothing to do with bras.

Bras are for breast tissue support only, not modesty. I have to wear a bra to prevent chest soreness ... if I was smaller I would only wear camisoles when necessary.


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## SpinyNorman

StarFires said:


> No accounting for scruples. Everybody should WANT to be able to do whatever they and everybody else please?


I would expect the people who'd face restriction to oppose the law as much or more than the people who'd face no restriction, but the opposite was true in this case.


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## uhtred

IMHO:

People can wear whatever they like in public as long as it doesn't violate local decency codes. 

If someone wears something that is outside of the norm, then it is reasonable to expect that people will look or stare. That however does not justify harassment of someone no matter what they are wearing. 

If you are in a relationship or even with friends it is polite to avoid wearing things that make them uncomfortable, and they should do the same for you - within reason.


I personally have no problem with women not wearing bras in public, but if their breasts are very visible, I may glance in their direction more often than normal - not because I'm trying to stare, but just the natural reaction of looking at the unusual. 

I don't "judge" people by their clothes, but I am aware that some styles of clothing are associated with some types of behavior.


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## 269370

SpinyNorman said:


> I read an article about police ticketing women for being topless at some beach...


I know what they did there. Any opportunity to chat up a topless woman...


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## Curse of Millhaven

Hello! I’m sorry the insensitive comment your husband made hurt your feelings. For what it’s worth, that would upset me too. 

I can offer a little fellow feeling on this subject as my ball ‘n chain has hurt my feelings too because he doesn’t like my dirty pillows (no thanks for the mammaries, lady!), but I think there is an important difference between our situations… my husband thinks my little gals are lacking and I think yours was expressing his opinion about women not harnessing their pink-nosed puppies in public. 

The way I took your fella’s comment was that he finds it “disgusting” (harsh, but we’re all entitled to our opinions) when women go braless out and about. That’s it. I don’t think he was calling you and your fun bags gross. 

And as you can see in the comments here, many share his opinion. I myself do not. If a gal wants to shake off the shackles of societal expectations and constraptions and let her tittays free-range, that’s a-okay with me! Boobies are beautiful.  

And I’m with you on the bounce and be free at home front. Bras suck. I never wear one unless I’m going to work or will be out of doors or around others; I can’t have my pointer sisters leading the way and blasting nips. 

Not because it’s disgusting but because I don’t like attention. When I was in my late teens-early 20s, I would go braless in public on occasion because I had A cups (aspiring to be B’s!) and I figured they were discreet cuz they were barely there and wouldn’t be noticed. I was wrong.

So I began wearing sports bras and bralettes and have been pretty happy with them ever since. There are some really lovely and sexy bralettes and they’re pretty comfy – you may wanna check them out to see if that would be a good compromise for you and your man. 

You don’t have to acquiesce to anyone’s wishes about what you do to your body, of course, but being in a union sometimes means we have to meet our other half in the middle ground (as long as it’s reasonable and not detrimental). 

I think your fella wanting you to harness your pups in public is a reasonable request (although he should’ve handled it better and tactfully). I also think the reason he wants this and had such a visceral response to your bra-free babes may have a deeper root cause. 

Townes made a perspicacious observation upthread about why your man may have reacted as he has about this issue. Insecurity and vulnerability are difficult for everyone (not just XYs!) and what Townes wrote makes sense to me.

Anyway, I hope you and your man are able to talk this out and find a resolution that works for both of you and your chesticles.


----------



## sokillme

Steve1000 said:


> FWIW, I think that telling someone to go pound sand is more polite than telling someone that they look disgusting.


Depends I guess on if the former is a bad night or a whole attitude.


----------



## Rowan

There's an expression, OP, that men want 'a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.' Most people tend to focus on the last part. But for some men, the first bit is also very important. Some men really just prefer that their partner be ladylike, for lack of a better term, when in public. It's what they find attractive. My SO is like this. He finds it very attractive when I dress in a fairly conservative, ladylike, manner when we go out. Too much cleavage, skirt too short, clothes too tight? Oh, he likes it, just not in public. He's put off by makeup or dress that is overtly sexy. He also intensely dislikes what a British friend of mine used to refer to as "mutton dressed as lamb" (dressing too young for your age). He just thinks it's trashy, and he doesn't want his partner to look trashy. He would NOT like it if I went braless in public. Luckily, his preferences align with my own personal style, so it's not a problem for me to dress in ways he finds attractive. 

While your husband desperately lacks tact and empathy in this matter, it may truly be that he really dislikes his wife dressing in a manner that he finds a unladylike. So, while he might deserve a headslap - or at least a firm conversation - regarding his poorly chosen words and hurtful delivery, it may also be worth considering whether there's some compromise that will make you both happy. Is being attractive to your husband important enough to you to invest in and wear a comfortable bra in public?


----------



## MattMatt

Red Sonja said:


> It's genetic, has to do with the elasticity of your skin. That is why there are young teenagers with non-perky breasts and 70 year olds with perky breasts and, everything in between.
> 
> As to the OP ... does anyone realize that *bras are an historically recent invention*? We can thank the Victorian Age for all the modesty silliness ... it is a separate issue and has nothing to do with bras.
> 
> Bras are for breast tissue support only, not modesty. I have to wear a bra to prevent chest soreness ... if I was smaller I would only wear camisoles when necessary.


Me when people start talking about cup sizes, camisoles and so forth:-


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## Kate-Delv

Thanks for all the advice everyone


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## Handy

Kate, b cup, bra-less is OK with me. 

I am in the much older group of people. Some women my age had breast cancer on one side so they are much smaller on one side and they don't wear a bra. I got used to it. The look reminds me of a 1950 Studebaker Champion bullet nose.

https://classiccars.com/listings/vi...hampion-for-sale-in-watertown-minnesota-55388


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## 269370

I would go for a crotchless bottom, just to balance out the top and mix it up more.
Joking. Anyone should be able to wear whatever they like and it’s not your husband’s business to tell you what to wear, you are not his property.
Just beware if there are young or adolescent kids etc out and about with something too revealing; they might get hungry.


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## chillymorn69

I think a braless woman looks hawt!

Wish more woman would do it!


Espically if their nipples are cold!

And camel toe ! 

Braless and comando ....sending a message to every horney guy out there!


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## Blondilocks

IMO, clothes look better on a woman when she is wearing a bra. Also, when older, going braless ages you 20 years.


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## NobodySpecial

I am thin with small breasts. My husband does not care what I do, so that is not part of the equation for me. At work, I always wear a bra. But for running around town, I use a tank top with a shelf "bra"... Like an undershirt. My feminazi (hhaaaaaa Yes She Knows) wants to say f all and don't wear a bra if you don't want to. But truth is if my husband asked me to wear one, I would. Spring is coming, so t-shirts are coming instead of big sweaters for the ever cold. So back to bras for me.


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## Um Excuse Me

I can see your husbands point. For one, I certainly wouldn't want my wife going out in public without one. However, she's 48DD and I think people would notice:wink2:

Nonetheless, I do think they way he stated it was wrong. He should've said he felt it was inappropriate and should've asked you if you don't mind, to please wear one, and then explained his reasoning why.

Bottom line is I think a lot of problems could be prevented if the communication improved and people actually thought a bit before they spoke.


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## Windwalker

NextTimeAround said:


> What do people think of men going commando, especially on track suits and short shorts.


The same as a woman going braless. 



Windwalker said:


> Interesting the split between the women and the men. I haven't seen it often, but I'm of the opinion it's tacky and trashy.
> 
> Gives me the impression that they are trying to get attention.



Both actions say, "Look at me!".


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## ABHale

Kate-Delv said:


> Thanks everybody. Different views but i needed to hear them


Kate I really don’t think your husband is talking about how you look personally to him. 

You caught him off guard. You went from wearing a bra out in public to not. I think if you had always gone with or with out early on it would make a difference now to him. It’s the change that has thrown him off.


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## Cletus

sokillme said:


> Or you can have a marriage where you care how your spouse feels about stuff like this and take that into account in your decision making.


With over three decades of marriage in the books, I'm well aware of the need for compromise in a marriage.

Respect begets respect. Disrespect of the kind that calls your spouse 1) disgusting and 2) demands obedience is the kind of action that demands a less forgiving response - if for no other reason than to set proper expectations going forward. Sand pounding is medicinal. 

Once the husband agrees to moderate his behavior, then talk about how to compromise can begin.


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## FieryHairedLady

If your hubby wants you to wear a bra in public, respect his wishes and do it.


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## Not

My 22 year old daughter has never worn a bra. I’ve tried every line of reasoning to convince her to but she refuses. She’s not diagnosed but I believe she falls somewhere on the autism spectrum so there are isssues involved that make our situation unique. It really bothers me to see her like this but she simply does not care what anyone else thinks, her comfort is top priority. 

She’s a small B cup and due to genetics it’s obvious at all times that she’s not wearing a bra, even when it’s warm out. I’ve tried explaining that even though she may be comfortable with it it can cause those around her varying levels of discomfort, anywhere from side ways glances to full on embarrassment being around her. She doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not an issue of people being invested in how she looks, it’s an issue of forcing others to be around something they aren’t comfortable with. The way she views life and the world around her is much different so in her mind it’s not a problem.


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## Cletus

Not said:


> something they aren’t comfortable with. The way she views life and the world around her is much different so in her mind it’s not a problem.


Good for her.


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## Not

Cletus said:


> Good for her.


On the one hand I agree but on another it does affect her socially by people who don’t know her.


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## VermiciousKnid

I just want to go on record saying that I'm in full support of women going braless.


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## Tiggy!

Not said:


> She’s a small B cup and due to genetics it’s obvious at all times that she’s not wearing a bra, even when it’s warm out. *I’ve tried explaining that even though she may be comfortable with it it can cause those around her varying levels of discomfort*, anywhere from side ways glances to full on embarrassment being around her. She doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not an issue of people being invested in how she looks, it’s an issue of forcing others to be around something they aren’t comfortable with. The way she views life and the world around her is much different so in her mind it’s not a problem.



I'm really not trying to be argumentative, but out of curiosity why should she priorities other people's comfort over her own?


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## anonmd

My wife goes braless around the house quite often. All for it, the only thing better is when she dangles them in my face . I'm in favor of the look, she on the other hand always seems to don the bra to go out in public. Draw your own conclusions <g>. 

Saying you look disgusting though is , well, disgusting .


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## Not

Tiggy! said:


> I'm really not trying to be argumentative, but out of curiosity why should she priorities other people comfort over her own?


I think I worry about it because I’m her mom and I don’t want to see my girl in a position where others may put her down for how she chooses to live/be. I just worry about her a lot in general. It doesn’t seem to bother D22 so she’s not changing herself to suit others. 

To OP, I hope my posts aren't a thread jack. If people didn’t react the way they do to bralessness life would be a little easier for some of us.


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## Mr. Nail

@Not ,
I take it your Daughter is not sensory sensitive? One of my autistic friends is. I'm having trouble imagining a sandpaper bra.


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## Not

Mr. Nail said:


> @Not ,
> I take it your Daughter is not sensory sensitive? One of my autistic friends is. I'm having trouble imagining a sandpaper bra.


Actually she is and that plays a part in it. She’s has definite issues with the textures of not only clothing but with food as well.


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## She'sStillGotIt

I rarely share anything personal about myself, but I will divulge that I wear a bra 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to protect my investment. That was the *first* piece of advice my plastic surgeon gave me after surgery. :wink2:

The ONLY skin holding up your breasts is the skin across the top of your chest. Whether you're 'only' a B cup or not, the weight of your breasts continually pulling down on that skin WILL eventually have a negative affect on that skin and eventually, you'll be able to tuck those babies into the waistband of your pants. Not a pretty sight.

The only time I go out bra-less is in a halter type top that's meant to be worn that way, or at the beach in a bikini. Otherwise, I'm all about protecting my investment.


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## bandit.45

StarFires said:


> No accounting for scruples. Everybody should WANT to be able to do whatever they and everybody else please?


First off I will say that I also think a woman going out in public braless is indeed tacky; unless she is doing it for affect... such as when she wears a spaghetti-strap party dress or something like that where wearing a bra is just not feasible. But those are special cases. 

Having said that, I do not think your husband meant it was YOU who he found disgusting. He, like many people, just thinks a woman going braless in public is inappropriate. I think in this instance he just didn't think before he shot his mouth off. He could have worded it better. Cut him some slack...he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. 

In fact I would go further in saying that because your husband loves you and cherishes you, he doesn't want you to do anything untoward that would cause you to look cheap or lacking in propriety. He's proud of you, and wants to protect your reputation, even if it means saving you from your own poor choices at times. He's your husband...it's his job to jerk your leash once in a while, as it is your job to point out when he is being an idiot and to keep him in line too. That is what married people who love each other do. 

You're a married woman, which means sometimes you have to weigh your personal "freedom" against keeping harmony in your marriage. Wearing a bra in public, in my opinion, is a very small sacrifice to keep your husband calm and happy. And to keep you from looking like a cheap ho....


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## bandit.45

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I rarely share anything personal about myself, but I will divulge that I wear a bra 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to protect my investment. That was the *first* piece of advice my plastic surgeon gave me after surgery. :wink2:
> 
> The ONLY skin holding up your breasts is the skin across the top of your chest. Whether you're 'only' a B cup or not, the weight of your breasts continually pulling down on that skin WILL eventually have a negative affect on that skin and eventually, you'll be able to tuck those babies into the waistband of your pants. Not a pretty sight.
> 
> The only time I go out bra-less is in a halter type top that's meant to be worn that way, or at the beach in a bikini. Otherwise, I'm all about protecting my investment.


I really don't like it when women go braless and develop those stretch marks at the tops of their breasts. Very...not good...


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## 269370

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I rarely share anything personal about myself, but I will divulge that I wear a bra 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to protect my investment. That was the *first* piece of advice my plastic surgeon gave me after surgery. :wink2:
> 
> The ONLY skin holding up your breasts is the skin across the top of your chest. Whether you're 'only' a B cup or not, the weight of your breasts continually pulling down on that skin WILL eventually have a negative affect on that skin and eventually, you'll be able to tuck those babies into the waistband of your pants. Not a pretty sight.
> 
> The only time I go out bra-less is in a halter type top that's meant to be worn that way, or at the beach in a bikini. Otherwise, I'm all about protecting my investment.




I suppose it’s a bit like when I have to go out and forget to put on underwear; it can get painful sometimes when it starts dragging behind me on the pavement after a while, due to skin elasticity.

In terms of protecting my investments...
I prefer to hedge with a naked put, before going long, very long, after a position of my choosing. 

We are still talking about the stock market right?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Prodigal

She'sStillGotIt said:


> ... I wear a bra 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to protect my investment.


Doesn't it get rather hot during the summer months? It's already almost 90 here and the thought of wearing a bra other than when I go out is something I can't imagine!


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## RandomDude

When I first saw this thread I just saw:

"Braless. Hubby has a big..."

Heh, a problem wasn't what I was expecting...


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## jsmart

bandit.45 said:


> First off I will say that I also think a woman going out in public braless is indeed tacky; unless she is doing it for affect... such as when she wears a spaghetti-strap party dress or something like that where wearing a bra is just not feasible. But those are special cases.
> 
> Having said that, *I do not think your husband meant it was YOU who he found disgusting. He, like many people, just thinks a woman going braless in public is inappropriate.* I think in this instance he just didn't think before he shot his mouth off. He could have worded it better. *Cut him some slack...he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. *
> 
> *In fact I would go further in saying that because your husband loves you and cherishes you, he doesn't want you to do anything untoward that would cause you to look cheap or lacking in propriety. He's proud of you, and wants to protect your reputation, even if it means saving you from your own poor choices at times. He's your husband...it's his job to jerk your leash once in a while, as it is your job to point out when he is being an idiot and to keep him in line too. That is what married people who love each other do. *
> 
> *You're a married woman, which means sometimes you have to weigh your personal "freedom" against keeping harmony in your marriage.* Wearing a bra in public, in my opinion, is a very small sacrifice to keep your husband calm and happy. And to keep you from looking like a cheap ho....


Totally agree that he could have worded it better but you're his wife and mother of his kid and he's going to be very protective over you. No man wants his woman exposing herself or in going braless, bring on male attention. 

Your husband knows the power of a female nipple. We men are easily drawn in. So, no you're husband doesn't really think you going braless makes you disgusting, it's that you'll be showing other men what only he should get to see.


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## john117

Not all husbands have a problem with their wives' excessive skin display (ESD for you electrical engineer types). I actually enjoyed the resulting attention she received.

Good old days...


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## Real talk

GF has b cups and she's gone braless before. I've never been one to dictate or even provide input to what a woman wears but I didn't necessarily like the looks. Not from insecurity but it just brings too much attention from men AND women and I can't necessarily blame them so it's not out of anger. Now I'll tell her to wear one and she has no problem because she respects my desires.

Never get with a "pound sand" spouse who's too hard headed to respect your wishes, man or woman.


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## Edmund

john117 said:


> Not all husbands have a problem with their wives' excessive skin display (ESD for you electrical engineer types). I actually enjoyed the resulting attention she received.
> 
> Good old days...


I am a retired electrical engineer and I always thought ESD meant electro-static discharge. By golly it's never too late to learn something new.

OP, put me in the camp that says it depends on where you are going as to how you should dress, including the bra question. But when I see a woman without bra that is revealing something, I usually notice it and enjoy the view, but nothing more. Your call. But your husband should never call you disgusting. He has a problem there. Somebody tossing cookies on the pavement... now that is disgusting. Female body, delightful.


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## Herschel

Nothing is sexier than touching braless breasts through a shirt. Didn’t really add to whether you should go out or not without a bra. I just got sideboobtracked.


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## Personal

I like the fact that some women go out braless.

I also like the fact that when my wife isn't at work she always goes out braless for me. I also like the fact that my wife sometimes does the same sans knickers as well.


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## aine

Kate-Delv said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Any help would be appreciated.
> 
> I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.
> 
> To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!
> 
> For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)
> 
> I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.
> 
> The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
> (But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)
> 
> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)
> 
> Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.
> 
> It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.
> 
> So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.
> 
> What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?
> 
> Thanks
> K


I agree with your husband. men have enough issues without ogling what is easy to see.
Your H may not be comfortable with other men being able to see that part of your anatomy.
I think it is also a matter of respect for yourself and others to cover up, wear a bra etc. I know I am not interested in seeing nipples, bum cracks or camel toe, etc. I think a majority of people feel the same way.


----------



## poida

Really!!! You'd rather completely disregard your husband's (reasonable and natural concerns) than just put on a d*mn bra. Grow up.
Ask yourself why you crave the attention (Im not buying your claim that you don't).


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## NobodySpecial

Who are all these b-cup people getting people drooling over them for lack of a bra?


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## jsmart

Women really do not understand how visual we men are. It doesn't really matter if it's only a "B " cup. A man seeing your nipple through your clothes, will have the guy thinking sexually of you. As it is, we're already thinking these things without the nips showing through a blouse. 

Just want to add, that a reasonably fit girl with a B cup can be VERY drool worthy, not all men like huge breast.


----------



## NobodySpecial

jsmart said:


> Women really do not understand how visual we men are. It doesn't really matter if it's only a "B " cup. A man seeing your nipple through your clothes, will have the guy thinking sexually of you. As it is, we're already thinking these things without the nips showing through a blouse.
> 
> Just want to add, that a reasonably fit girl with a B cup can be VERY drool worthy, not all men like huge breast.


I really don't get this. I really don't. I get that men look at women. Ok. I TOTALLY get wearing appropriate clothes for the venue. Like not wearing a bra with a blouse is just duh. But having a "rule" that your wife might get every time she goes out makes no sense to me. So what? Isn't the big deal among many men that guys look so get over it?


----------



## wild jade

If I had smaller breasts, I would never wear a bra. Ever. As it is, I wear them as rarely as possible, and am infinitely more comfortable that way.

Don't really care what anyone thinks about it. My guess is that no one even notices enough to either enjoy or be disgusted by it. I'm still wearing clothes, after all.


----------



## Tiggy!

wild jade said:


> *If I had smaller breasts, I would never wear a bra.* Ever. As it is, I wear them as rarely as possible, and am infinitely more comfortable that way.
> 
> Don't really care what anyone thinks about it. My guess is that no one even notices enough to either enjoy or be disgusted by it. I'm still wearing clothes, after all.


Me neither.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish

Do you still wear one when you sleep? If so, I don't know how you do it! I am known to take off my bra during tv watching after work. I'm a pro at it! After a while, it just drives me bonkers. Outside of the house, I'm very self conscious about it though so I rarely go outside without my bra on. Things just get out of control, you know. :surprise:

OP-Your husbands choice of words was poor. But please let go of your butt hurt; I don't think that he meant it personally. IMO, I think it's important to take his opinion into consideration. There are alot of choices out there for bras. Find something that is ok for you and just wear it outside of the house when you're around him. 



She'sStillGotIt said:


> I rarely share anything personal about myself, but I will divulge that I wear a bra 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to protect my investment. That was the *first* piece of advice my plastic surgeon gave me after surgery. :wink2:
> 
> The ONLY skin holding up your breasts is the skin across the top of your chest. Whether you're 'only' a B cup or not, the weight of your breasts continually pulling down on that skin WILL eventually have a negative affect on that skin and eventually, you'll be able to tuck those babies into the waistband of your pants. Not a pretty sight.
> 
> The only time I go out bra-less is in a halter type top that's meant to be worn that way, or at the beach in a bikini. Otherwise, I'm all about protecting my investment.


----------



## NobodySpecial

aine said:


> I agree with your husband. men have enough issues without ogling what is easy to see.
> Your H may not be comfortable with other men being able to see that part of your anatomy.
> I think it is also a matter of respect for yourself and others to cover up, wear a bra etc. I know I am not interested in seeing nipples, bum cracks or camel toe, etc. I think a majority of people feel the same way.


This one kind of bugged me on a visceral level. On the one hand, I said up thread that if my husband asked me this, I would accommodate. Talk about a small battle to fight. But that is really easy for me to say since he wouldn't. Western culture crucifies Islam for their treatment of women. On the one hand, I think any religious text can be interpreted any way. On the other hand, the way Islam is done on the ground in Islamic states is pretty horrible to women. But it seems incongruous, on the one hand, to criticize that extreme manipulation of women on the one hand, and, at the same time, make women responsible for men's "issues" with seeing women's bodies in our culture.

I know, for me, when I see something nice to look at, I look at it. Then a second and a half later I think, huh, what do I want to make for dinner? 

My husband has been on lately about feminism and its recent men suck dimension. And I agree with him. I hate it when he gets into the Not All Men camp because it hearkens to how the conversation is about how to walk, talk, dress and act right in society instead of how to see and hear people in said society. And how to let GO of norms and associations with labels. I think the recent wave of feminist outrage has done its own self a disservice in this area and let go of the high moral ground and made what exactly are the problems less easy to understand.


----------



## Personal

jsmart said:


> Women really do not understand how visual we men are. It doesn't really matter if it's only a "B " cup. A man seeing your nipple through your clothes, will have the guy thinking sexually of you. As it is, we're already thinking these things without the nips showing through a blouse.
> 
> Just want to add, that a reasonably fit girl with a B cup can be VERY drool worthy, not all men like huge breast.


Most of the time when my wife is braless while we're out and about, the shape of her nipples are not at all discernible through her clothing. If I want to see my wife's nipples while out, I find giving her a certain look or saying "show me" is the only reliable way to see anything.

I also occasionally see the shape of a woman's nipples through their clothing, which can occur with some bras. Yet that certainly doesn't trigger me into thinking about the majority of them sexually. Just as I seem to be able to see plenty of women sans any clothing, when they model for me, without having any sexual thoughts for almost all of them.


----------



## john117

Let me understand... Nipples are a problem, but painted on leggings like Lululemon are not?


----------



## wilson

NobodySpecial said:


> Who are all these b-cup people getting people drooling over them for lack of a bra?


While I find all breasts attractive, I find the smaller sizes more erotic. So it's not like only large breasts are what guys are attracted to.

It's fine to go braless, but it can't be ignored that there's a more erotic aspect to it. Some men will notice that, and that's unavoidable.

What about guys who wear tight, nylon pants and no underwear? Are we good with that? As a guy, I think that's totally disgusting, but maybe the women are into that.


----------



## Yeswecan

wilson said:


> What about guys who wear tight, nylon pants and no underwear? Are we good with that? As a guy, I think that's totally disgusting, but maybe the women are into that.


Just no on the banana hammocks.


----------



## Cletus

I do enjoy the periodic reminder of our vestigial Victorian puritanical tail that we haven't completely evolved away from.


----------



## CharlieParker

(Possibly NSFW)

My wife will occasionally wear Nippies Skin - The Ulimate Nipple Cover under her bra.

For those who prefer to show some there are Silicone Attachable Nipples - amazon.com. NSFW because Customers who bought this item also bought prosthetic camel toes.


----------



## Bluesclues

OP, is it possible he is worried about your mental health and not about your nipples showing? You noted it was for personal reasons, so I won’t ask you to elaborate, but not leaving the house for years is not normal. Now that you are starting to venture out a bit he may take your lack of undergarments as a sign of depression, like your give-a-**** meter is broken. 

Disgusting is a strong word to use but I admit I do notice when someone is braless or wearing an ill fitting bra and right or wrong, I do judge. 

I am also jealous of those that can pull off just wearing one of those camis with the built in shelf. They don’t sell them with enough scaffolding to ever let that be an option for me.


----------



## Anastasia6

To me this isn't about anything to do with society. It is the communication between a husband and wife. He used disgusting that is a strong word indicating he feels strongly about you wearing a bra. 

Your feeling were hurt because you took it as a personal discription. So many other things here.

Unless he regularly tries to control you or put you down, I wouldn't worry too much about it and I'd wear a bra. I'd even buy some sexy bras and surprise him. As you take off your shirt ask him what do think of this bra? 

Now if he regularly is controlling and abusive that is a whole different story. You indicated before you prefer no bra but that your real concern was the disgusting remark. If that was a lie and you just feel really strongly about not wearing a bra then don't and let him know you are worried he doesn't like your breasts anymore. Parade around naked and if he goes to grab you simply say hey I thought these were disgusting 😉


----------



## Real talk

Cletus said:


> I do enjoy the periodic reminder of our vestigial Victorian puritanical tail that we haven't completely evolved away from.


I find it interesting that the same people who refer to any male preferences as "Victorian" are the exact same people who bring up human nature and the way of the world when the topic is men paying for dates, providing, or accommodation of women.

Clearly you only enjoy it in specific circumstances.


----------



## Cletus

Real talk said:


> Clearly you only enjoy it in specific circumstances.


You'll need to be more specific about something I've said if you want to take me to task for duplicity.

There's not a lot about the oppressive sexual attitudes of 150 years ago with which I have much sympathy.


----------



## MJJEAN

wild jade said:


> My guess is that no one even notices enough to either enjoy or be disgusted by it. I'm still wearing clothes, after all.


 I've seen braless women at various jobs (customers and co-workers), out and about at the grocery store, the bank, etc. Trust me, women going braless was noticed and commented on. Just not until AFTER said woman had walked away.

I kind of like it when women come into work braless. People stop *****ing about management, the weather, and so on to talk about that, instead.


----------



## Handy

Nipples visible through clothing or a big smile? I would notice the big smile.


----------



## wild jade

MJJEAN said:


> I've seen braless women at various jobs (customers and co-workers), out and about at the grocery store, the bank, etc. Trust me, women going braless was noticed and commented on. Just not until AFTER said woman had walked away.
> 
> I kind of like it when women come into work braless. People stop *****ing about management, the weather, and so on to talk about that, instead.


LOL. Well it is still cold out, so I actually highly doubt anyone sees anything through my jacket Unless maybe they have x-ray eyes.

But I do appreciate the shaming!

Honestly, if people have nothing better to do than comment on my breasts or how "slovenly" I am because my nipples were showing ..... well, it's really their problem, not mine.

Even when I do wear a bra, btw, I choose one of those soft cotton types, and the reality is that it doesn't actually prevent nipples from showing. To achieve that, you need one of those godawful padded things, and there's no way on earth I'm putting one of those things on. Blech.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

It's up to you. Your H chose poor words to communicate with you but as you see the there is logic behind wearing a bra is just as ok as not. No one is trying to control you.


----------



## NobodySpecial

wild jade said:


> LOL. Well it is still cold out, so I actually highly doubt anyone sees anything through my jacket Unless maybe they have x-ray eyes.
> 
> But I do appreciate the shaming!
> 
> Honestly, if people have nothing better to do than comment on my breasts or how "slovenly" I am because my nipples were showing ..... well, it's really their problem, not mine.
> 
> Even when I do wear a bra, btw, I choose one of those soft cotton types, and the reality is that it doesn't actually prevent nipples from showing. To achieve that, you need one of those godawful padded things, and there's no way on earth I'm putting one of those things on. Blech.


I have had and fed two babies. It takes an awful lot of cloth...


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## BradWesley2

After reading most of the posts on this thread, I've come to the following conclusions:

Most of the pro bra women are approx. 5' 3" tall, weigh 200+ lbs, have a set of boobs, that without a bra would be close to dragging on the floor, not to mention the 3 or 4 spare tires they have around their midsection. <sarcasm>


----------



## 269370

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Do you still wear one when you sleep?



It can’t be comfortable wearing bras when you sleep. I have heard women normally put their breasts out of the way, on the bedside tables for the night.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## growing_weary

I think the terms he used were pretty crass. He could have said that way better.

That said, having been from a DD to an overflowing G cup (eff pregnancy boobs) since HS I can't go out without a bra... ever. #jealous My mom (B/C) would do this sometimes and I would twinge for her a bit, but chalked that up to normal kid embarrassment and her not giving a ****. Either way, if someone does this it doesn't really affect me even if I wouldn't do the same. Since they wanted to go out that way, just let them be great.

tl;dr : do you, boo


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## Luvher4life

Kate-Delv, I'm pretty sure you took what your husband said wrong. I'm pretty sure he meant that it is disgusting for a woman to go braless in public. Please don't take it so personally.

I am in agreement with most others on here that it is kind of tacky for a woman to go braless in public. I don't find it disgusting, just tacky. I think going braless just sends the wrong message, and invites men to look regardless of intent. I think the part your husband has a problem with is other men looking at you in a sexual way. It just invites temptation.

My wife is well-endowed, and would never leave the house without a bra on. If there's any chance we could have company at home she will wear one. We don't have drop in company very often so she doesn't normally wear a bra at home. I love seeing her without one..., and I'd be fine if she went completely nude at home for that matter.:wink2:


----------



## Diana7

Kate-Delv said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Any help would be appreciated.
> 
> I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.
> 
> To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!
> 
> For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)
> 
> I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.
> 
> The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
> (But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)
> 
> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)
> 
> Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.
> 
> It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.
> 
> So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.
> 
> What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?
> 
> Thanks
> K


I wouldn't go out without a bra. You will get the wrong sort of attention. Cant you wear one out and take it off when you get home? 
I would listen to my husband if he asked me not to do something like this, because he is the only man I care about and whose views are important to me. 

Besides that, wearing a bra is needed for support and will stop them sagging too much.


----------



## SunCMars

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I rarely share anything personal about myself, but I will divulge that I wear a bra 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to protect my investment. That was the *first* piece of advice my plastic surgeon gave me after surgery. :wink2:
> 
> The ONLY skin holding up your breasts is the skin across the top of your chest. Whether you're 'only' a B cup or not, the weight of your breasts continually pulling down on that skin WILL eventually have a negative affect on that skin and eventually, you'll be able to tuck those babies into the waistband of your pants. Not a pretty sight.
> 
> The only time I go out bra-less is in a halter type top that's meant to be worn that way, or at the beach in a bikini. Otherwise, I'm all about protecting my investment.


My GOD!

What I thought were tits are now investments.

The Red Queen would agree with this investment strategy.

I hope you let your husband see what he invested in.


----------



## john117

Of course they are investments...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titcoin


----------



## Blondilocks

john117 said:


> Of course they are investments...
> 
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titcoin


:rofl::rofl::rofl: Just when you think life can't get any weirder.


----------



## Diana7

Must admit that I am grateful not to have very large assets. I am now in my 60's and they are still in good shape and not saggy.


----------



## Spicy

Have you ever said something to him that comes out too harsh? I know I have to my hubby.
I'm all for personal choice and comfort, but I am also for repsecting your spouses feelings when possible.
You are very lucky to be in a fantastic marriage. Forgive him of his crappy word choice, just like I'm sure he has forgiven you for the same in the past. Pick your battles, and I would say this one isn't worth a fight. Being overly sensitive can chip away at a good marriage.

If it were me, I would just throw on a comfy bra, in the name of love, and respect my hubby's feelings.


----------



## MattMatt

Blondilocks said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl: Just when you think life can't get any weirder.


Coining it in, huh?


----------



## Blondilocks

Diana7 said:


> Must admit that I am grateful not to have very large assets. I am now in my 60's and they are still in good shape and not saggy.


There ya go. Bragging, again.:wink2:


----------



## Diana7

Blondilocks said:


> There ya go. Bragging, again.:wink2:


:laugh:


----------



## arbitrator

Blondilocks said:


> *There ya go. Bragging, again.*:wink2:


*Although you are roughly in the same age range that she is, I can only hope and pray that my new GF is in the same shape that you are!

And to that end, I'm rather envious!*


----------



## BradWesley2

Reading many of the posts on this thread, and some others, that some of the TAM posters are sooooooo uptight, that if you shoved a lump of coal up their butts, they would each have a diamond in two weeks!


----------



## Blondilocks

BradWesley2 said:


> Reading many of the posts on this thread, and some others, that some of the TAM posters are sooooooo uptight, that if you shoved a lump of coal up their butts, they would each have a diamond in two weeks!


Careful. De Beers will put out a contract on you.


----------



## alte Dame

I don't think it's the bra per se. I think it's the ability of people to see your wares, which usually means jiggling and visible nipples. As one poster said, this is considered by many to be immodest and many people have a negative reaction to that.

I have a friend who had a double mastectomy 15+ years ago. She then had reconstructive surgery. She came to visit to show off her new boobs, which never really jiggled and had tattoos for nipples. She told me she loved them because she was able to make them the size she always wanted and would never have to wear a bra again. And it's true, you can't tell that she's not wearing a bra.

So, to me it's not bra vs. no bra, it's seeing the goods vs. not seeing them.


----------



## just got it 55

Kate-Delv said:


> Ok. I wanted honest replies so i respect your opinion.* I dont think it looks bad when i see other women but its not my opinion that counts.* So thanks for being honest.
> 
> *You young lady are the worlds leading authority on how you look and feel Your opimion is the only one that counts
> 
> *
> I used to wear very comfy bras but i have just got used to not wearing one and they all feel uncomfortable and just doesn't feel right


55


----------



## 23cm

My wife stopped wearing a bra when she retired. And, frankly she looks like hell. Her stomach sticks out further than her chest. Do I tell her that? Nooooooo. 

There are many many other battles to be considered. And, it would not end well...consider the plight of the poor male who honestly answered the eternal question: "Honey, does this make my butt look fat?"


----------



## Nucking Futs

alte Dame said:


> I don't think it's the bra per se. I think it's the ability of people to see your wares, which usually means *jiggling and visible nipples.* As one poster said, this is considered by many to be immodest and many people have a negative reaction to that.
> 
> I have a friend who had a double mastectomy 15+ years ago. She then had reconstructive surgery. She came to visit to show off her new boobs, which never really jiggled and had tattoos for nipples. She told me she loved them because she was able to make them the size she always wanted and would never have to wear a bra again. And it's true, you can't tell that she's not wearing a bra.
> 
> So, to me it's not bra vs. no bra, it's seeing the goods vs. not seeing them.


I would just like everyone to know that I have no objection to jiggling and visible nipples. None. The more the merrier. :smthumbup:


----------



## hinterdir

Kate-Delv said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Any help would be appreciated.
> 
> I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.
> 
> To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!
> 
> For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)
> 
> I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.
> 
> The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
> (But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)
> 
> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)
> 
> Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.
> 
> It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.
> 
> So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.
> 
> What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?
> 
> Thanks
> K


I think I would have a problem with this. You mentioned looking disgusting? He is objecting because he thinks you are looking unappealing to the world? Well for me seeing a woman with no bra is usually kind of a turn on. Depending on how lose and thin the top she's wearing you can often see them giggle, see her nipples showing through her top and see the shape of her breasts very clearly. It usually is kind of sexy, kind of like she's almost naked. 

As a guy who kind of enjoys the view of my wife and seeing her private parts as a private special thing I'd feel she's giving away a peek to all the men out there who aren't her husband and I'd not be ok with that. I know some guys will marry strippers so the spectrum swings both ways but I'd object to that and call it disrespectful to our marriage for showing too much to all the guys in the world. 

That's how I'd feel about it so I'm on his side although the way you describe it you don't make it sound as if you are being too immodest.


----------



## Kate-Delv

Thanks for all the replies 🙂

Have sorted it all out now 🙂


----------



## Kate-Delv

Forum and replies helped me a lot!! So thanks


----------



## jlg07

So @Kate-Delv, how did it work out for you and your hubby?


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

NextTimeAround said:


> What do people think of men going commando, especially on track suits and short shorts.


Well, my opinion would differ *greatly* based on whether he looked like this:













or this:


----------



## ConanHub

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well, my opinion would differ *greatly* based on whether he looked like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Hey! Quit stealing pictures of me!:wink2:>


----------



## ConanHub

Kate-Delv said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Any help would be appreciated.
> 
> I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.
> 
> To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!
> 
> For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)
> 
> I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.
> 
> The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
> (But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)
> 
> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)
> 
> Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.
> 
> It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.
> 
> So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.
> 
> What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?
> 
> Thanks
> K


Doesn't sound disgusting at all. I know you have hopefully resolved your issues with hubby already but you aren't excessive in size and not wearing flimsy or almost see through tops.

Of course I am biased, but I love the braless look on most women. Especially mine.:smile2:


----------



## moon7

Kate-Delv said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Any help would be appreciated.
> 
> I realize this may not seem like a big issue to most but it is to me right now and i need to fix it as im hurt. It doesn't sound serious to some but its serious and hurtful and confusing enough for me to join a forum so please see it from my eyes.
> 
> To make a long story shortish, weve been together for 8 years and have one child. Overall everything is and has been fantastic!
> 
> For various reasons, after having our child, i did not leave the house for years unless very necessary (personal issues)
> 
> I am now more active again and go out a little. Because ive been home for so long i have gotten accustomed to not wearing a bra.
> 
> The other day, my hubby told me that if i leave the house i must wear one. I asked him why and he responded by telling me its disgusting. This upset me as i took it as an insult to my looks. (Because im older (37 years) and have breast fed
> (But i know personally my breasts have not had a big change most likely due to them being on the smaller side)
> 
> I asked him do i look disgusting to him? He said no you dont. All women look disgusting if they are braless. (I am talking about just not wearing a bra in normal tops. I am not talking about some see thru clothing or anything crude)
> 
> Im trying to work out where this came from. Yes i used to wear one but now i am accustomed to not wearing one and its much more comfortable.
> 
> It still hurts me what he said and its difficult to get much more info out of him than what ive said here.
> 
> So as silly as this sounds, its affected my thoughts on our relationship (not seriously but enough to upset me) because i in a way still feel he is saying YOU look disgusting.
> 
> What i guess i need to know is honest opinion from both male and female is does being braless in public really look disgusting to others? Or is it some issue my hubby have?
> 
> Thanks
> K



If he thought it was ugly or anything he would complain for you to use a bra at home too, of course.

I have to agree with him that a woman without a bra makes me cringe 😕


----------



## happyhusband0005

Depending on what top she is wearing my wife will go out in public braless sometimes. She has nipple covers that just stick on. We have two kids and she breastfed but she must have won the genetics lottery because she still is very perky, not saggy at all and a full 34 C. A lot of people actually assume she has implants. But I think she looks totally fine braless. Some tops or dresses just don't work with a bra. I find the comment that it's disgusting very odd, but that's just my opinion. I mean they're just boobs.


----------



## Laurentium

I just keep seeing this thread in the sidebar, where it appears as "*Re: Braless. Hubby has a big...*"


----------



## 269370

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well, my opinion would differ *greatly* based on whether he looked like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> or this:


The first guy has a tiny penis. You can tell. It would offend me if I was a woman.


----------

