# Any husbands feel this way?



## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

There are occasions when I feel a little inferior around one of our good friends. 

My wife and I met at a mutual friends' wedding. One of her best girl friends and a buddy of mine I've know all my life. So obviously we are still very close with this couple. We hang out or go out together with them often. My wife has always been close with them, and the husband too. Before I was around he was the guy she would call for jumper cables or snow plow or whatever. Since he is married to her best friend he is a best friend too. Very good relationship. There has never been anything between them. 

At times when we hang out I feel a little bit "less of a man" around him. He is a great husband to his wife. He works really hard, by hard I mean physical labor, and has a part time business on the side too. [I have a desk job] He is very busy working or helping other with working. They own a home and he is always doing something on the home, new fence, stone wall, new deck, painting, etc... A manly man. (We rent a condo, and there is nothing I can do as far as upkeep outside or improvements, not even cut the grass because the condo association takes care of that.) And when I see him I think "he's got it all figured out" about marriage. He seems so happy. 

When we are all together we all get along great. Sometimes we end up just naturally talking with each other's spouse instead of with our own or man-man and wife-wife. 

I know for a fact that he adores his wife, much like I do mine. I know he does not have feelings for my wife and never would. But I can't help notice that sometimes they are pretty compatible. Well at least in those situations when we hang out. I mean it could be totally different if it were really real and they had to be compatible together at home as husband and wife. He is independent and does what he wants and flies by the seat of his pants usually, my wife is the same way. The weird part is that sometimes I think me and his wife are compatible. I like staying home with my wife or doing things with her and she sometimes complains that he works too much. The one thing that I know makes it a false statement is that his wife is a little bit spoiled. She likes to spend and have nice things. This is a main reason he says he has to work a lot.

I just sometimes get the feeling that my wife wishes she got the chance way back when to get together with him, knowing what she knows about him now and marry him instead of me. I bought some silly little "how well do you know you're spouse" games once. One question I had was "of your wife's girlfriends who does she think has the best husband?" I put her friend that is married to this guy. When we graded each other's answers, I got that one correct. Now I know its a silly game, and that she loves me, and that the other husbands she had to choose from stood no chance to this guy, but I just have low self esteem about this topic. Maybe I think he is more manly than myself. 

Keep in mind I would trust this man with my life. And I would trust him with my wife and kids, he is a good man. I'm not worried about that, I just can't help feel that he is better than me, and my wife knows it.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

First off, don't let them hang our alone or talk on the phone 1 on 1. Just be smart. ****block the guy in a situation where he could put the moves on her, even if he's not trying.

Second, you're acting the wrong way about all this. If you feel insecure about it, your insecurity is just going to rub off on your wife. Making you look less attractive and him looking more confident and sexier. I think you need to work on upping your game. If you're insecure, it's probably because you aren't feeling very manly.

Start working on yourself. Find some hobby that you enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself. Start building some confidence. When you start feeling better about yourself, you won't feel threatened, and that will make you even more attractive to your wife. What's this guy got that you don't? He helps around the house? He makes more money? Big deal.

Know who you are, know what you want, and go after it. Your wife married YOU, so you don't have to feel insecure. If you're feeling inadequate, it's probably because you have some ambitions you're not fulfilling.

Also, it's easy to look at a couple and think they're super happy and have it all together. That's not always the case (in fact, I'd say it's usually the opposite). His wife complains he works too much, what if she is miserable at home? Many of our friends thought that our marriage was top notch and that I was a great husband and how lucky my wife was. Outwardly it looked great, but my wife was miserable and she ended up cheating on me because I sucked at supporting her emotionally.

Is your wife happy? Does she love you? Do you get to bang her at home? If yes, what are you jealous of? If no, work on that, not worrying about this other guy.


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## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

COguy said:


> Know who you are, know what you want, and go after it. Your wife married YOU, so you don't have to feel insecure. If you're feeling inadequate, it's probably because you have some ambitions you're not fulfilling.


Yes I think I do. I want that for me. I want to own a house (probably will happen in 2012) we have our fingers crossed. I want a lawn to cut, a driveway to snowblow, bushes to trim..etc.. I am very jealous of that of him.



COguy said:


> Also, it's easy to look at a couple and think they're super happy and have it all together. That's not always the case (in fact, I'd say it's usually the opposite). His wife complains he works too much, what if she is miserable at home? Many of our friends thought that our marriage was top notch and that I was a great husband and how lucky my wife was. Outwardly it looked great, but my wife was miserable and she ended up cheating on me because I sucked at supporting her emotionally.
> 
> Is your wife happy? Does she love you? Do you get to bang her at home? If yes, what are you jealous of? If no, work on that, not worrying about this other guy.


I can see your point here too. Thanks.


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