# Why do some people remarry after decades of Marriage?



## WORLDJR91 (Aug 19, 2015)

This is something I have wondered about sometimes. What are common reasons for People to remarry after 30, 40 and 50+ years of Marriage? I am talking Marriages that (were happy ones) ends in the Death of Spouse, not Divorce. Especially when they remarry only a couple after their last spouse death. 

I can understand after 10 or 20 Years of Marriage but I wonder about Marriages that were much longer than that. Personally If I was Married for 40 years or 50 years and My spouse I do no think I marry again but that just me. 

I don't have a problem with people remarrying after being with a spouse for many decades. Though If I was a Child of a Parent who remarried after being with My Mom or Dad for 50 years I would find it kind of weird or hard to getting used to. Especially if other parents died only a couple years before. 

I have a Great-Great grandparent who was happily married for 51 years and had 9 Children. My Great-Great Grandmother died in 1964 and My Great-great grandfather married again in just under 2 years later after her death at age 71 to a woman who was actually same age and had also been widowed once. That Second Marriage only last Five Years when she died. 

I think a lot of it has to do with feeling lonely and maybe wanting that companionship.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Some people like being married. I could see me doing it again. 

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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Who wants to grow old and die alone?

I sure don't.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I agree with the above posters; having a companion in life, and for the company.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Foremostly, to combat loneliness!

And right now, I'd absolutely love to be married again! 

But after being spurned by two cheating wives, I seem to have some real issues in ever beginning to trust another woman again with something quite as delicate as my heartstrings!*


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Companionship, usually. My parents had celebrated 40 years of marriage October 2013. March 2014, my mom died. My dad is not *looking* to remarry. But, I told him awhile ago that if he ever decided to remarry, I would stand behind him (depending, of course, on the character and motives of the woman). I understand that the yearning for a companion can be very great. I also know that no one will ever replace my mother. Dad will never live with a woman, alone, unless they are married. But, like I said, he isn't looking. If he was? Companionship. 

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WORLDJR91 said:


> This is something I have wondered about sometimes. What are common reasons for People to remarry after 30, 40 and 50+ years of Marriage? I am talking Marriages that (were happy ones) ends in the Death of Spouse, not Divorce. Especially when they remarry only a couple after their last spouse death.
> 
> I can understand after 10 or 20 Years of Marriage but I wonder about Marriages that were much longer than that. Personally If I was Married for 40 years or 50 years and My spouse I do no think I marry again but that just me.
> 
> ...


Because they didn't die at the same time as their late spouse?

Maby people leave "get married, again!" instructions.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Why remarry? I suggest that you read Dr. Sue Johnson's book Hold Me Tight. It explains that people are social animals and the all primates have a huge need for companionship. We also have huge need to people to people physical contact, i.e. touch. In this age of STD's/STI's, etc. marriage is one way of having intimacy and touch that is considered by most to be socially acceptable and understandable. If you marry a man then your children will not be as likely to objecting to you living with him or having sex with him.

I can understand your approach of how could I find anyone that would replace my spouse. However, you might also want to read the book Still Sexy after All these Years. It is a collection of short stories, based on interviews of women over the age of 50 who have for one reason or another (death, medical condition, divorce, etc.) no longer have a spouse or significant other in their life. It is all about how they find ways of including either sexuality or sensuality within their lives. Please check it out of the library and read it. It was recommended by the sex therapist that helped save our marriage as something to think about if my wife refused to work on saving our marriage.

A final reason in this day and age is money. Some pensions only pay the former worker and not a surviving spouse. That could be a pretty harsh reality for some without a lot of financial means. It also is true that two can live together less expensively than two in separate households.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Seriously, companionship? I think it's for the hot sex and nothing more.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Foremostly, to combat loneliness!
> 
> And right now, I'd absolutely love to be married again!*


Hmmmm.........I have an older sister I'd like you to introduce to you. Single, pretty, successful and very loyal! :grin2:


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

rockon said:


> Hmmmm.........I have an older sister I'd like you to introduce to you. Single, pretty, successful and very loyal! :grin2:


I've met Arb, and he's a good man. Your sister would be in the hands of a True Gentleman.

How does she feel about hog-hunting?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Seriously, companionship? I think it's for the hot sex and nothing more.


Well, for some, that may be true lol.

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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

GTdad said:


> How does she feel about hog-hunting?


She (we) grew up with the back woods of Wisconsin a few miles away. Deer hunting was big. Hell, she took out a badger (vicious little creatures) when one attacked her!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

rockon said:


> She (we) grew up with the back woods of Wisconsin a few miles away. Deer hunting was big. Hell, she took out a badger (vicious little creatures) when one attacked her!




Back woods of Wisconsin is redundant.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

My Grandmother died When I was a child. He remarried quite quickly. When asked Why he said he loved Grandmother and he loved being married so he remarried. I have a neighbor on my block who remarried after being widowered. She was an old friend from high school. Really amazing couple. And I really liked his first wife too.

On the other hand. It's not for me. I'm done. If I end up single for whatever reason, I won't look.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Why? Sex!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

stixx said:


> Who wants to grow old and die alone?
> 
> I sure don't.


https://youtu.be/5XcKBmdfpWs


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I've been married for 20 years and would be very sad if my wife died.
Partly because I would not like to live alone. In fact, since 1976 I have never lived alone for more than a few weeks at a time.
Of course there is also the question of sex, but that's not the only reason.
I would probably marry again as soon as I met someone appropriate.

Note that my wife is perfectly healthy, so this is all hypothetical.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

I personally couldn't do it if my spouse died, etc. If we divorced for other reasons such as infidelity, it may be different. My dad died a few months short of their 50th anniversary. I could never see my mom with another person in their house. My husband and I have been together 32 years, married 31. I know if he died first, I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, in our house, in our bed, around our kids and family. Plus, I believe that once we die, we will meet again in Heaven. 


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I've met Arb, and he's a good man. Your sister would be in the hands of a True Gentleman.
> 
> How does she feel about hog-hunting?


*And I'd be rather happy to take her out back in the ATV to show her exactly where those porkers are running, but she'd have to shoot them all on her own!

Let's just say that I'd much rather be out hitting golf balls than hunting!*


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I have no answer, so I will have to take people's word for it that it is for companionship and sex, but I've wondered the same thing myself. 

I guess everyone is different. I've been divorced 6 years, I'm rather enjoy being single and not in a relationship. I just love doing what I want whenever I want and not having to answer to anyone. 

I guess that is more enjoyable to me than the thoughts of a relationship.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

People remarry for the same reasons that they married the first time.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

My parents had been married 50 years when my mother died. A year after her death, my father tried to date. He said no one compared to my mother, that all the older single women he met were all crazy, or gold diggers. I'm not sure how he was meeting those crazy gold diggers, because I know several single, older women who are sweet and who have their own money.

I wish he had found someone new to love, because he died lonely of a broken heart missing my mother, only 2 1/2 years after her death.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't understand how someone could remarry if their spouse died. I couldn't do it. The thought of my husband marrying another woman if I died makes me cry (I would never say that to him though). It wasnt my choice to go...seems so unfair. 

I know I'm being selfish...again...I would never say this to my husband but I wouldn't like it.


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## WORLDJR91 (Aug 19, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> Seriously, companionship? I think it's for the hot sex and nothing more.


Oh My! If my Great-Grandmother or Siblings found out or knew that their Father and Step Mother in their 70s was having hot wild sex in the same bed he once shared with their Mother I can't imagine how their reactions would have been lol.


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## WORLDJR91 (Aug 19, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> People remarry for the same reasons that they married the first time.


I think it depends. I do think people who remarry in their 60s and 70s after death more often than not is for companionship and company.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

WORLDJR91 said:


> I think it depends. I do think people who remarry in their 60s and 70s after death more often than not is for companionship and company.


Isn't that why most people get married? I think having a life partner is companionship. Someone to share life with. If you look at the threads here, sex isn't a high priority for a lot of people even when they are young. On the other hand, I know for some people that sex is important to end of life.


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## WORLDJR91 (Aug 19, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> Isn't that why most people get married? I think having a life partner is companionship. Someone to share life with. If you look at the threads here, sex isn't a high priority for a lot of people even when they are young. On the other hand, I know for some people that sex is important to end of life.


You Right. over time it grows and changes becomes about conmanship and respect.

Obviously, Long term Marriages are about a lot more than just sex and romance and usually are not top priority in longer lasting marriages because they feel more secure and comparable


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

frusdil said:


> I don't understand how someone could remarry if their spouse died. I couldn't do it. The thought of my husband marrying another woman if I died makes me cry (I would never say that to him though). It wasnt my choice to go...seems so unfair.
> 
> I know I'm being selfish...again...I would never say this to my husband but I wouldn't like it.


And I would WANT my husband to remarry at some point. True, it wouldn't be my choice to leave him in death, but I'd be gone. No rrason he shouldn't move on, at some point, and remarry... If he wants to. 

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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Personally I WANT my W to find someone good (my siblings can vet them) and remarry when I'm gone. I've thought a lot about that and it's one reason I've pushed her the last few years to update her wardrobe etc. (men are pretty shallow in the initial meeting phase).


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I have been with a woman in my life since I was 14. I do not like coming home to an empty house. I like being able to have sex with someone I love and not worry about catching an STD. I like to be in love. I live among over 150,000 senior citizens with women outnumbering men 10-1 since the men die off first most times. Our retirement community that spans 3 counties was written about and it made the news worldwide. It seems that at one time we led all age groups in STDs. The reason is that we are all baby boomers or younger and married so long that we did not use condoms. The women figured that they cannot get pregnant and back in our day, only prostitutes and their customers had STDs. If you had sex with a regular girl, odds were very high in your favor that she did not have an STD.

The women fight for the small pool of available men. They live together, get married if that is financially beneficial or just date different people each week. In my family, the women never remarried but the men did. Then again those that never remarried were raised thinking that sex is dirty. I had a friend who had a bad habit of marrying a much younger woman, then cheating on her and eventually marrying the girl he cheated on. He was on his 4th wife when I saw him last. I once asked him why does he keep getting married when he knows he can never be with one girl and he said it was because he fell in love with the women and they wanted to get married, probably to get hold of his money since he owned an advertising agency. After his 4th wife he almost went bankrupt. Many of his children were at or nearing college age. The last I heard, he was using his TV studio to make porn videos to suppliment his income. Some guys never learn.

I love to be in a relationship but do not know if I will re-marry should my wife die before me. It depends if it makes financial sense of not or if the new girl is hot or not.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Some do not remarry however some reasons they've told me..

No longer needs sex - my Aunt who has been alone for 39 years.

No one would compare with my dead husband - A lady from church who had suitors I think she was alone for 20 years.

Personally I can't imagine adapting to someone else at this time to live with them, dating with limits yes.

Tamat


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Having two people in a house is a far different living situation than having only one. Just adding one person to bounce ideas off of, one person to share meals with - whether there's romance or not - is huge.

I'd say if a person has been acclimated to sharing everything for 50+ years, then when the sharing partner passes away, it's perfectly normal to want another partner. The next one won't be compared with the last, the affection will be different - or maybe not there, at age 70, lots of folks just find any kind of companionship excellent.


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## mikky (Mar 29, 2017)

most people cant stand loneliness no matter the age


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

WORLDJR91 said:


> This is something I have wondered about sometimes. What are common reasons for People to remarry after 30, 40 and 50+ years of Marriage? I am talking Marriages that (were happy ones) ends in the Death of Spouse, not Divorce. Especially when they remarry only a couple after their last spouse death.
> 
> I can understand after 10 or 20 Years of Marriage but I wonder about Marriages that were much longer than that. Personally If I was Married for 40 years or 50 years and My spouse I do no think I marry again but that just me.
> 
> ...


My wife always told me that if I died she would remarry immediately. 
She says she cannot stay alone, and she doesnt really care if the guy is a jackass, as long as she is not alone.

I told her if she dies, I will become a buddhist monk.

So there you have it...the difference. lol


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

mikky said:


> most people cant stand loneliness no matter the age


Ones definition of loneliness is another's definition of content happiness. 

I'm 6+ years out from my cheating ex and very happy being single. Have several close friends, many hobbies and travel a lot. 

I learned years ago that I don't need a relationship to be happy.


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## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

I am married 50 years. I kid with my wife by telling her that I would bring a date to her funeral.

My mother remarried at age 73. She had a really nice few years with "Charley". They knew each other as couples. My dad died, his wife died within months of each other. They started going out together as a pair rather than a foursome. They married in a civil service. It was cute. Her family including grand children were all there. He had no family, he never had children. That year, we took him and my mom out to dinner on Father's Day. It was the first time he had ever celebrated father's day in his life. He cried when we gave him a Father's Day card. He confessed to me that he loved my mom even before the deaths of his wife and my dad. She brought a new vitality to him that he had never known before. I think they had sex but I can't imagine how.

My mom told me that although she always loved my dad, she loved Charley in ways she could not describe. Not more but differently. One can love all of their children even though they are different.

My mom understood love. She described it as a "capacity". One either has the capacity to love or they don't. Some have a huge capacity to love while others struggle to love at all. Most of us are in the middle somewhere.


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## mikky (Mar 29, 2017)

rockon said:


> Ones definition of loneliness is another's definition of content happiness.
> 
> I'm 6+ years out from my cheating ex and very happy being single. Have several close friends, many hobbies and travel a lot.
> 
> I learned years ago that I don't need a relationship to be happy.


The circumstances of your separation from your marriage was due to cheating not death, this plays a role in your emotional. It would be a different case if you had spent about 30years in the relationship, enjoying every bit of it and all of a sudden death comes calling. 

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