# So following up on thread about men's body types



## sokillme

Women which do you find more attractive in a body type.

1.









2.










3.


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## 225985

Three has a sock in his shorts


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## sokillme

blueinbr said:


> Three has a sock in his shorts


There I changed it. Shows I am a straight I didn't even notice that.


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## 225985

sokillme said:


> There I changed it. Shows I am a straight I didn't even notice that.




Uh hummm. You Subconsciously picked that one. That's worse.


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## HeartbrokenW

2

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## sokillme

blueinbr said:


> Uh hummm. You Subconsciously picked that one. That's worse.


Not seeing it.


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## 225985

sokillme said:


> Not seeing it.




Dude, you're surfing for pics of guys and you imply that I am not the straight one?


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## sokillme

The point is body size what do women find more attractive. I wasn't seeing any socks until you pointed it out my friend.


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## Emerging Buddhist

You guys crack me up...


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## Affaircare

#1 is a child with no hair anywhere that a grown man should have hair. So... NOPE! I want a grown man, not a child. 

#2 is closer--at least he has hair and a build and looks like he could grow a beard.

#3







*NO!*

I don't think you're getting it, @sokillme so allow me to show you some examples of people whom I find attractive:





































Here's how this is for me: if I wrestle you and you can't beat me, I don't want to date you. 

Does that help?


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## EllisRedding

This guy's beard is glorious, about as well groomed as you can get:


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## jld

Which post of mine is this supposedly following up on?


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## Lila

What specifically are you following up on?

Oh, and 1 and 2 look great. 3 is way too roidy for my taste. 

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## Cosmos

.


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## alexm

jld said:


> Which post of mine is this supposedly following up on?


The one that we men weren't allowed to comment on in the Ladies Lounge!


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## Lila

alexm said:


> The one that we men weren't allowed to comment on in the Ladies Lounge!


But she started one on the same topic for men to share their thoughts in the men's forum

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=360754

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## alexm

Lila said:


> But she started one on the same topic for men to share their thoughts in the men's forum
> 
> If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction - Talk About Marriage
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


lol, I know! I just find the whole thing kind of funny, that's all. Now we have 3 threads on pretty much the same topic, mainly because a few of us guys were (politely) asked to not comment on the original!


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## 225985

alexm said:


> lol, I know! I just find the whole thing kind of funny, that's all. Now we have 3 threads on pretty much the same topic, mainly because a few of us guys were (politely) asked to not comment on the original!




Who was the bigot that asked men not to comment?


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## MrsHolland

2


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## Tiggy!

#1


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## jld

alexm said:


> The one that we men weren't allowed to comment on in the Ladies Lounge!


This thread has nothing to do with my thread on the influence of a woman's weight on a husband's attraction to her. It is more likely a spinoff of FW's thread on what women find attractive in men's bodies.

In that light, @EleGirl, could you please remove my name from the title of this thread?


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## sokillme

I meant no disrespect. It was do to all the other threads that spread from the one you started.

My contention is that most women don't like the roided up body, wanted to see if that was the case here.


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## Hope1964

Affaircare said:


>


SWOON. I think Clay is probably the sexiest man alive right now. (note my avatar  )

I choose number 2 of the men you have up there, but none of them really do it for me a whole ton.


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## Hope1964

We could change this thread to just pictures of Clay Matthews. I'd go for that.


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## UnicornCupcake

The first one. I've always preferred men to be LEAN. Not skinny, although I'd rather have a skinny man over a husky one. My reasoning is because a lean man is a natural man. I've seen too many man lose their hot bodies after a few months away from the gym (whether it be after vacation, an injury, baby, whatever) and when it comes time for babies I don't think it's fair my husband go to the gym 5x/week to maintain it. That type of body is an entire lifestyle so I'd rather have him be able to stay lean and still be able to drink with me, party with me, eat with me, etc. I also consider it a genetic win for future children. I value a solid metabolism, lol.


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## UnicornCupcake

EllisRedding said:


> This guy's beard is glorious, about as well groomed as you can get:


I had a crush on him while watching the show. As far as aging well goes, he's done it to perfection.


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## uhtred

A number of women I know seem to prefer lean men which makes me happy since that's my body type. But wait - maybe they are lying must to make me feel good. But wait - should I be flattered that they are lying to make me feel good?


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## katies

they all look like high maintenance to me.


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## KJ_Simmons

I'm in pursuit of the #2 aesthetic. 'Ol Hugh got jacked! Those bodybuilders just look downright silly.


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## Hellomynameis

#2 Hugh Jackman is gorgeous! Especially as Wolverine. Doesn't get more masculine than that.

I find Affaircare's choices interesting. The second is Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield. I think he's gorgeous too, but in real life he's very metrosexual looking and his sexual orientation has often been questioned by the media although he claims to be straight.

I like Sean Bean, Mark Harmon, Will Estes, David James Elliot, David Beckham, Drew Brees. All fairly masculine guys (maybe Beck does take clothes a little too seriously). And yet, I married a guy with a baby face who already had a beer gut at 20 and at 45 still has no facial hair. He simply can't grow it. And of all the guys I personally know right now, the one I would be most interested in dating looks very much like a taller, slightly thinner Drew Carey. So not all that attractive.

None of the men I've dated have even been close to my ideal physically. But the men I do find physically attractive are so far out of my league I'd never have a chance.


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## samyeagar

Hellomynameis said:


> #2 Hugh Jackman is gorgeous! Especially as Wolverine. Doesn't get more masculine than that.
> 
> I find Affaircare's choices interesting. The second is Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield. I think he's gorgeous too, but in real life he's very metrosexual looking and his sexual orientation has often been questioned by the media although he claims to be straight.
> 
> I like Sean Bean, Mark Harmon, Will Estes, David James Elliot, David Beckham, Drew Brees. All fairly masculine guys (maybe Beck does take clothes a little too seriously). And yet, I married a guy with a baby face who already had a beer gut at 20 and at 45 still has no facial hair. He simply can't grow it. And of all the guys I personally know right now, the one I would be most interested in dating looks very much like a taller, slightly thinner Drew Carey. So not all that attractive.
> 
> None of the men I've dated have even been close to my ideal physically. But the men I do find physically attractive are so far out of my league I'd never have a chance.


This described what, for many men, is one of the biggest relationship fears.


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## Hope1964

samyeagar said:


> This described what, for many men, is one of the biggest relationship fears.


What exactly?


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## samyeagar

Hope1964 said:


> What exactly?


Being described as very different from a wife's physical ideal...makes one feel very settled for.


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## Hope1964

Really? Why don't you think of it as, you are SO good looking that she was willing to go for you even though you aren't her typical type


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## MJJEAN

I don't like any of em. I like a man with less lumps and more meat on his bones.


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## Hellomynameis

And you don't think women feel the same way when night after night their husbands watch porn and movies with women who look nothing like their wives? I look NOTHING like Sandra Bullock or Angelina Jolie, who are my husband's ideal women.

Studies have shown that most people date and marry at their own attractiveness level or close to it, unless there is high income involved (Donald and Melania, anyone?). But most people will admit they aren't physically (visually) attracted to someone who is below the middle of the range on a scale of 1-10. That would tell me that most people who would be considered unattractive must be "settling" for other unattractive people, or they would never marry at all. Unless they are lucky enough to have chemistry which has been known to make for some serious mismatches in the looks department.

And people don't always marry for looks. I married my husband for his brains, his sense of humor, and his high career ambitions. Those things mattered more to me than his weight issues or his perpetual adult acne problems. And in fact I was far happier with him, in the beginning, than I was with the ridiculously good looking guy I was dating before him, who turned out to be a total player.


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## Celes

I'm just gonna leave this right here...


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## katies

^^^ way too skinny


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## EleGirl

If we are going on appearance only….

#1 is too skinny.

#2 is the closest of the 3 to a yes. But he’s a bit too buff

#3 To roided up. I don’t like that look.


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## Hellomynameis

Too young, no chest hair. I HATE this current no body hair on men trend.

How about a young Sean Connery with no shirt on? Or Barry Gibb on the inside cover of The Bee Gees Greatest Hits album (yeah I realize I'm dating myself lol).


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## EllisRedding

Hellomynameis said:


> Too young, no chest hair. I HATE this current no body hair on men trend.
> 
> How about a young *Sean Connery* with no shirt on? Or Barry Gibb on the inside cover of The Bee Gees Greatest Hits album (yeah I realize I'm dating myself lol).


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## EleGirl

jld said:


> This thread has nothing to do with my thread on the influence of a woman's weight on a husband's attraction to her. It is more likely a spinoff of FW's thread on what women find attractive in men's bodies.
> 
> In that light, @EleGirl, could you please remove my name from the title of this thread?


 @jld

Done


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## jld

EleGirl said:


> @jld
> 
> Done


Thanks, Ele.


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## Hope1964

Hellomynameis said:


> I HATE this current no body hair on men trend.


OMG me too!!!

That one of Sean Connery is kinda gross, and I usually like pics of him.


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## uhtred

There is another axis here: how much it matters.

I could describe a set of women that I would consider ideal in appearance. My wife doesn't look like any of them. Then I could describe the set of women that I find very attractive, even if not perfect, and she does fit in that category. 

For me, there is no woman on earth attractive enough that I would want them if they had an unpleasant personality. 


So I guess I'd add the question here - how broad is the range of men you find attractive. Is it a very specific body type, or is it a wide range around one or more body types. 





samyeagar said:


> This described what, for many men, is one of the biggest relationship fears.


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## MrsAldi

I find attractive men tend to have incredibly boring personalities.


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## Hope1964

MrsAldi said:


> I find attractive men tend to have incredibly boring personalities.


I beg to differ. My husband is the most interesting man in the world


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## Affaircare

uhtred said:


> There is another axis here: how much it matters.
> 
> I could describe a set of women that I would consider ideal in appearance. My wife doesn't look like any of them. Then I could describe the set of women that I find very attractive, even if not perfect, and she does fit in that category.
> 
> For me, there is no woman on earth attractive enough that I would want them if they had an unpleasant personality.
> 
> 
> So I guess I'd add the question here - how broad is the range of men you find attractive. Is it a very specific body type, or is it a wide range around one or more body types.
> 
> 
> So I guess I'd add the question here - how broad is the range of men you find attractive. Is it a very specific body type, or is it a wide range around one or more body types.
> 
> 
> Quote by @samyeagar]
> _This described what, for many men, is one of the biggest relationship fears. _


These are great topics/questions. Seriously. I cannot speak for "all women" because just like you fellas, different stuff attracts different people. But speaking for myself, I do not have only one very specific body type to which I am attracted. For example, my first boyfriend ever was 6ft. 3in. or so, dark brown wavy hair, dark brown eyes, sort of Mediterranean looking and he played basketball so he wasn't fat but he was built. My exH is 6ft. 1in., black curly hair, brown eyes, could not be whiter, and he never played a sport in his life so he was skinny (can't honestly say I like that at all--it felt like bones to me). My current Dear Hubby is 6ft. tall, wavy red hair that has turned white, baby blue eyes, and built more solidly like a football player. 

Over the course of time, I have realized I tend to prefer taller men to shorter, even though I have not yet attained 5ft. I like men who have a face that smiles when they see me and who have eyes that sparkle when they laugh. I like men who have a barrel chest and seem like a "big strong man". But if you think about it, that could be expressed physically and MANY ways! 

Speaking to @samyeagar, I would encourage you to be complimented rather than being afraid. See, I don't date someone based on "does his body look right" or "is his face handsome enough" nor do I stay because his body doesn't change or his face stayed the same. I date someone and stay because they are such a wonderful, loving, pleasant, fun, smart, kind, manly man that when I look at them, I see ALL THAT, and thus I feel attraction to the whole person. I would be complimented, if I were you, because apparently you are so great that YOU became your wife's "type"!!!


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## MrsAldi

Hope1964 said:


> I beg to differ. My husband is the most interesting man in the world


I bet he is!  

When I'm at gym, these incredibly boring guys try to chat with me, they are mostly East European guys, I usually say "Are you from Russia?" That drives them mad, they dislike Russia!  And they leave me alone! 


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## EleGirl

The thing about body types is that in the end it's a bit superficial. 

Why? Because when it comes to falling for someone, that's only a portion of what matters. 

One of the male posters on here said that it would hurt him if he found out that he did not have his wife's preferred body type. Silly guy. She loves you for so much more than your body type.


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## EunuchMonk

Hellomynameis said:


> Too young, no chest hair. I HATE this current no body hair on men trend.


Too young because you are older, you mean? Hairless chest? It's not like they all have control over it. Genes just make many men that way.


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## samyeagar

EleGirl said:


> The thing about body types is that in the end it's a bit superficial.
> 
> *Why? Because when it comes to falling for someone, that's only a portion of what matters. *
> 
> One of the male posters on here said that it would hurt him if he found out that he did not have his wife's preferred body type. Silly guy. She loves you for so much more than your body type.


It is only one portion, but it is still a portion none the less. Clearly it is unrealistic to expect to be everything in every way to your spouse, but at the same time, not many people really like to hear "So and so is drool worthy, but you're a great conversationalist and you make me laugh honey."


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## EunuchMonk

MrsAldi said:


> I find attractive men tend to have incredibly boring personalities.


Same thing with women too. Attractive people are indirectly taught that their looks are enough and they get shallow.


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## 225985

EunuchMonk said:


> Too young because you are older, you mean? Hairless chest? It's not like they all have control over it. Genes just make many men that way.




I wish someone would tell me I'm too young.


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## sokillme

Hellomynameis said:


> And you don't think women feel the same way when night after night their husbands watch porn and movies with women who look nothing like their wives? I look NOTHING like Sandra Bullock or Angelina Jolie, who are my husband's ideal women.
> 
> Studies have shown that most people date and marry at their own attractiveness level or close to it, unless there is high income involved (Donald and Melania, anyone?). But most people will admit they aren't physically (visually) attracted to someone who is below the middle of the range on a scale of 1-10. That would tell me that most people who would be considered unattractive must be "settling" for other unattractive people, or they would never marry at all. Unless they are lucky enough to have chemistry which has been known to make for some serious mismatches in the looks department.
> 
> And people don't always marry for looks. I married my husband for his brains, his sense of humor, and his high career ambitions. Those things mattered more to me than his weight issues or his perpetual adult acne problems. And in fact I was far happier with him, in the beginning, than I was with the ridiculously good looking guy I was dating before him, who turned out to be a total player.


See he didn't say anything like that he just described how he was feeling about it, no need to make this men vs women. This is why we can't have nice talks because inevitably someone starts projecting.


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## sokillme

samyeagar said:


> Being described as very different from a wife's physical ideal...makes one feel very settled for.


Well, you could gain weight or lose weight and you will still not be her ideal body style so it won't matter. :rofl:


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## sokillme

It's interesting that no one here picked the roided up guy. Lots of young men think the third guy is what women want. Red pill preaches this quite a bit (but add that to the list of dumb stuff Red Pill says). I think this is the same as the ultra skinny super models who are really not most guys ultimate body shape, but women still think the need to be a size 1.

I think this is good because the Hugh Jackman in that picture is obtainable with lots of work even in your 40's, the roided guy you need to take drugs.


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## EllisRedding

sokillme said:


> It's interesting that no one here picked the roided up guy. Lots of young men think that this is what you need to be though. Red pill preaches this quite a bit. I think this is the same as the ultra skinny super models who are really not most guys ultimate body shape.


IDK, the roided guy though is more of an extreme. I don;t know too many guys who think being that huge will attract a ton of women. If anything, being that huge will attract dudes.


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## Faithful Wife

uhtred said:


> There is another axis here: how much it matters.
> 
> I could describe a set of women that I would consider ideal in appearance. My wife doesn't look like any of them. Then I could describe the set of women that I find very attractive, even if not perfect, and she does fit in that category.
> 
> *For me, there is no woman on earth attractive enough that I would want them if they had an unpleasant personality*.
> 
> 
> So I guess I'd add the question here - how broad is the range of men you find attractive. Is it a very specific body type, or is it a wide range around one or more body types.


For me, physical/sexual attraction matters a lot. It is imperative, in fact.

But as you said in the bolded, if they are just a horrible person, it doesn't matter how physically attracted to them I might be, they will be overall unattractive to me.

As for how broad is the range of men I find attractive....very broad. But you have to be a little more specific, do you mean when considering a relationship, or just someone to stare at hot pictures of? In either category, there is still a very broad range of men I'd find attractive, but if only considering them for an actual relationship, the range gets a lot more specific.

For example, on a hot dude in a pic to drool over, I'm not going to care if he has nice big hands or not. But if I'm considering dating (or sleeping with) him, those hands will suddenly become very important to me and I will check them out thoroughly.


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## Lila

sokillme said:


> It's interesting that no one here picked the roided up guy. Lots of young men think the third guy is what women want. Red pill preaches this quite a bit (but add that to the list of dumb stuff Red Pill says). * I think this is the same as the ultra skinny super models who are really not most guys ultimate body shape, but women still think the need to be a size 1.*


Except that size 1 ultra skinny female models are the standard of beauty used western culture. These are the fashion models (Gisele Bundchens, et al), playboy models, beauty pageant queens, most desired women of the world based on male following. 

I don't see Steroid pumped male models use as a standard except for maybe bodybuilding.


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## Faithful Wife

EunuchMonk said:


> Too young because you are older, you mean? *Hairless chest? It's not like they all have control over it. Genes just make many men that way*.


These days, most model guys are shaving, waxing or having their chest (and arm pit) hair removed completely. So the trend is in how this looks, and that is achievable by most men because they can remove the hair. 

I don't mind it in pictures but if I was dating someone who shaved or had the hair removed from their chest I would think it was weird.


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## Faithful Wife

samyeagar said:


> This described what, for many men, is one of the biggest relationship fears.


sam I have to ask you this....I'm pretty sure you must have known this was an issue in your relationship before you married her. Didn't it give you pause to reconsider the marriage? Being that you are experiencing what you've described as one of the biggest relationship fears for many men, you must have seen this coming. Why did you proceed, only to live in a way that makes you unhappy (on this particular level)? Just seems odd.

I know that if my boyfriend or my ex-h (or any man) had made me feel like they were not really that into my body by constantly oogling other women and commenting on how hot they are while never talking about my body that way, I just simply could not be with them. I would feel crushed. I would not be able to be happy. I need to feel attracted to and I need to feel attraction from my partner, in order to have any kind of intimacy at all. My body just will not function without that mutual attraction.


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## soccermom2three

My husband looked like 1 when we were dating and first married. Now he looks more like 2. I like both. My daughter (21) and her friends prefer 1. She likes tall, lean, soccer player type.

Regarding body hair, my husband was trendy before the no chest hair trend, lol. I've always like it.


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## sokillme

Lila said:


> Except that size 1 ultra skinny female models are the standard of beauty used western culture. These are the fashion models (Gisele Bundchens, et al), playboy models, beauty pageant queens, most desired women of the world based on male following.
> 
> I don't see Steroid pumped male models use as a standard except for maybe bodybuilding.


Ever look at comic books, boy's toys, video games. Just the standard fair for a growing young man?


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## lifeistooshort

I don't know why the idea of an "ideal" ever even comes up.

I find many men attractive, and chemistry plays a big part. I've known attractive men I had no connection with, and not so conventionally attractive men who i connected with. 

I don't even know if I have an ideal. I do like fit men, but even that can mean a lot of body types.

My hb is tall, thin an fit. I find him extremely attractive......but I could find a lot of men and many body types so. 

Where does this idea of a type even come from? I judge men on an individual basis and many are attractive.


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## EllisRedding

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't know why the idea of an "ideal" ever even comes up.


An "ideal" is just that, an ideal. I equate it along the lines of a fantasy. If someone wants to wait around until the meet someone who fits their "ideal" to a T (whether it by physical or other traits), odds are that person is going to end up alone and disappointed. You can see that in some of those people who think they are too good for others, they are usually miserable.


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## Faithful Wife

EllisRedding said:


> An "ideal" is just that, an ideal. I equate it along the lines of a fantasy. If someone wants to wait around until the meet someone who fits their "ideal" to a T (whether it by physical or other traits), odds are that person is going to end up alone and disappointed. You can see that in some of those people who think they are too good for others, they are usually miserable.


I guess I've never thought in terms of "ideal" when considering who/what I am attracted to. I just either am attracted, or am not, and I feel that attraction in my body. There is no need for "ideal" for me to feel very strong attraction.

But on the other hand, once I'm in love with a man and we are having good sex, then he will become my ideal. I would have already felt strong attraction for him by the time we got to this point, but again, "ideal" would have never occurred to me. What would make him ideal once we are in love and having good sex is that now he is the man who is fulfilling me. That is my ideal.


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## katiecrna

1 or 2


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## Lila

sokillme said:


> Ever look at comic books, boy's toys, video games. Just the standard fair for a growing young man?


I think the difference between CGI/ toys vs fashion models is that one is made up and the other are real people. 

A man can probably do like some of the Barbie fanatics and mimic the unrealistic physique of their favorite cartoon character or toy with cosmetic surgery. But then they'd look fu'ked up because those physiques are the product of some developers imagination. They aren't real. 

Fashion models are real people. 

Look, my post wasn't meant to start a 'my situation is worse than yours' but the truth is those size 1 models do heavily influence what we as Westerners find attractive. Like it or not, they are the standard of beauty in the west. I'm not sure we can say the same for body builders.



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## uhtred

I agree with what I think is part of what you said: Attractiveness depends on the situation. 

A hot (guy/girl depending on your preference) in a calendar - well there is nothing to think about except appearance, so go for what you like, and imagine everything else to be perfect. 

An actor / actress - now we include how they move, their voice, their changing facial expressions. I'd say those are as important to me as a simple photograph like appearance. Still no personality.

Meeting someone in person: Now at least surface personality becomes very important. Do they make you smile. Are they fun to be with. These again are at least as important as physical appearance. 

Finally for a long term relationship, deeper personality issues matter. Long term trustworthiness, love, dedication, ambition, honor, whatever matters to you. 

The above isn't saying that appearance doesn't matter, but it needs to be weighed with everything else. There is nothing wrong with compromising - life is all about compromising. There is no one who is perfect in every way and its hopeless to look for that. Instead find someone who overall seems the best for you.

That means that it is incredibly unlikely that the person someone most wants to be with will happen to be the most physically attractive person they have met. 

It doesn't bother me at all that my wife thinks Thorin Oakenshileld is more attractive than I am. That doesn't mean that even if she had the opportunity she would choose him over me. 







Faithful Wife said:


> For me, physical/sexual attraction matters a lot. It is imperative, in fact.
> 
> But as you said in the bolded, if they are just a horrible person, it doesn't matter how physically attracted to them I might be, they will be overall unattractive to me.
> 
> As for how broad is the range of men I find attractive....very broad. But you have to be a little more specific, do you mean when considering a relationship, or just someone to stare at hot pictures of? In either category, there is still a very broad range of men I'd find attractive, but if only considering them for an actual relationship, the range gets a lot more specific.
> 
> For example, on a hot dude in a pic to drool over, I'm not going to care if he has nice big hands or not. But if I'm considering dating (or sleeping with) him, those hands will suddenly become very important to me and I will check them out thoroughly.


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## Tiggy!

Faithful Wife said:


> These days, most model guys are shaving, waxing or having their chest (and arm pit) hair removed completely. So the trend is in how this looks, and that is achievable by most men because they can remove the hair.
> 
> I don't mind it in pictures but if I was dating someone who shaved or had the hair removed from their chest I would think it was weird.


It's a trend I'm grateful for, I can't stand chest hair.


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## EllisRedding

Faithful Wife said:


> I guess I've never thought in terms of "ideal" when considering who/what I am attracted to. I just either am attracted, or am not, and I feel that attraction in my body. There is no need for "ideal" for me to feel very strong attraction.
> 
> But on the other hand, once I'm in love with a man and we are having good sex, then he will become my ideal. I would have already felt strong attraction for him by the time we got to this point, but again, "ideal" would have never occurred to me. What would make him ideal once we are in love and having good sex is that now he is the man who is fulfilling me. That is my ideal.


I am not saying that ideal and attraction are directly linked. I was referring more to Sam's comments about the fear of being with someone when you aren't their "ideal" physique. My W has many of my "ideals" as far as physical attributes. Does she have every single one of them, no (and I would bet nearly all people don't hit every single check box). Does that mean I am less attracted to her, no. My point was just that someone not meeting an "ideal", which may be more based on fantasy (especially with how social media pushes unrealistic/heavily photoshopped body images), does not mean they aren't attractive to that person. The person that runs into trouble IMO is the person who insists on getting the ideal, with anything less not being good enough


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## Faithful Wife

Tiggy! said:


> It's a trend I'm grateful for, I can't stand chest hair.


I love it on men. Not so much on women.


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## Faithful Wife

EllisRedding said:


> I am not saying that ideal and attraction are directly linked. I was referring more to Sam's comments about the fear of being with someone when you aren't their "ideal" physique. My W has many of my "ideals" as far as physical attributes. Does she have every single one of them, no (and I would bet nearly all people don't hit every single check box). Does that mean I am less attracted to her, no. My point was just that someone not meeting an "ideal", which may be more based on fantasy (especially with how social media pushes unrealistic/heavily photoshopped body images), does not mean they aren't attractive to that person. The person that runs into trouble IMO is the person who insists on getting the ideal, with anything less not being good enough


I guess for me then, just being sufficiently attracted is a requirement, but ideal is just not even on my radar. I guess I don't even know what ideal would visually look like. There are too many variables. I just know that "good enough" is quite attractive to me.

I wanted to point out too, that when I'm talking about men I'm with who I am uber attracted to and I call them "hot", people should keep in mind that what I think is hot may not fit what they think I mean is hot. So when I say "hot" realize I'm talking about dudes who are in my dating age range (48 - 58) and who are reasonably fit. To me, he is definitely uber hot. Yet anyone reading here may see him and think he is completely average looking and wonder why I would call this guy hot. Some would even be like "ew yuck, old man".


----------



## sokillme

Lila said:


> I think the difference between CGI/ toys vs fashion models is that one is made up and the other are real people.
> 
> A man can probably do like some of the Barbie fanatics and mimic the unrealistic physique of their favorite cartoon character or toy with cosmetic surgery. But then they'd look fu'ked up because those physiques are the product of some developers imagination. They aren't real.
> 
> Fashion models are real people.
> 
> Look, my post wasn't meant to start a 'my situation is worse than yours' but the truth is those size 1 models do heavily influence what we as Westerners find attractive. Like it or not, they are the standard of beauty in the west. I'm not sure we can say the same for body builders.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk



First I don't disagree with you about the influence but I am not sure if heterosexual men are the ones who pushing this narrative when the size 1 model is chosen for the photoshoot. I am making the distinction now between the Vogue model and say Zoo magazine. Granted Zoo models are still an incredibly high standard (and photo-shopped to hell), but at least they don't look like they are starving themselves and if you look at the links I posted there are some that would be considered plus sized models in the Vogue world. Not to long ago I remember some controversy about Kate Upton and Vogue and the idea that she was too fat to be a Vogue model. 

My only point is I think some women would be surprised how many men are not primarily attracted to very skinny size 1 models, I think porn is a much better example of the types of bodies men are attracted to. That is not a endorsement for porn one way or the other. For the most part porn-stars figures are all over the place, yes there are size 1 types, but some of the more popular models tend to be more rubenesque. Again I don't think women should be holding themselves to the standard of supermodel thinking that this is what she needs to be to have guys attracted to her, in the same way I think men shouldn't be holding themselves up to the standard of a bodybuilder. 

Another good example of this is that forever the media stereotype used to be men only desired young women in there 20's, however the fact that there is a huge category of porn with older women in it has shown that not to be the case. The entertainment and fashion media have really never pushed this idea and still don't, but heterosexual male porn which is only driven by men's desires proves that most men really are really attracted to older women, granted they need to be in shape, but not wrinkle free. (Again not a judgment on the merits of porn, just that is a good insight into what men are into, for better or for worse).

Also I am aware that all of these "models" bodies are still a very high standard, but they are not an unobtainable standard, just like Hugh Jackman's body in that picture is a very high standard for men but it is still unobtainable. The 3rd picture is not possible without chemical enhancement that is probably not good for you in the long run. 

I DO believe however, women hold each-other up to this standard unfortunately. You can see that by looking at the models that are used in magazines targeted specifically to women. Most of the times these magazines have women editors who should know better. My Vogue model vs Zoo model is an example of that.


----------



## wild jade

sokillme said:


> My only point is I think some women would be surprised how many men are not primarily attracted to very skinny size 1 models, I think porn is a much better example of the types of bodies men are attracted to. That is not a endorsement for porn one way or the other. For the most part porn-stars figures are all over the place, yes there are size 1 types, but some of the more popular models tend to be more rubenesque. Again I don't think women should be holding themselves to the standard of supermodel thinking that this is what she needs to be to have guys attracted to her, in the same way I think men shouldn't be holding themselves up to the standard of a bodybuilder.


LOL. That you can point to those pictures from Zoo magazine and call them "rubenesque" shows exactly just how much men hold women to impossible standards of beauty. 

Sure, it's obtainable. All you need is some silicon, some photoshopping, and a body that is in no way larger than a size 4.

In contrast, while the male pics are pretty fit and muscular, they do display pretty different body types, and other than the body builder, quite obtainable. And turns out, the body builder is terribly unattractive, at least to this person.


----------



## sokillme

wild jade said:


> LOL. That you can point to those pictures from Zoo magazine and call them "rubenesque" shows exactly just how much men hold women to impossible standards of beauty.
> 
> Sure, it's obtainable. All you need is some silicon, some photoshopping, and a body that is in no way larger than a size 4.
> 
> In contrast, while the male pics are pretty fit and muscular, they do display pretty different body types, and other than the body builder, quite obtainable. And turns out, the body builder is terribly unattractive, at least to this person.


Did you even read my post?


> Granted Zoo models are still an incredibly high standard (and photo-shopped to hell)


, right after the link. :banghead:

My point was Zoo Models are an easier standard then a Vogue model who is probably pushing anorexia or is just genetically predisposed to be as thin as a rail, and this is the standard that women's magazines push, not men's. Most men want some curves. 

I said some porn-stars are rubenesque, I didn't think posting pictures of porn stars was a good idea, and yes there bodies sizes are all over the place. Just google rubenesque porn star if you don't believe me, fat-rolls and all. Obviously again this is going to be a high body standard, but so is Hugh Jackman or any other actor. For anyone man or woman to be built like people we see in entertainment it means daily exercise.


----------



## wild jade

sokillme said:


> Did you even read my post? , right after the link. :banghead:


Yes, I read your post, and I still stand by my point. By showing the Zoo models and calling them an "easier" standard, you are revealing just how impossibly high the standards are. We can't all be siliconed and photoshopped all the time, I'm afraid.

I think you are confusing the high fashion of Vogue with what women's ideals really are. And waving Zoo as more "realistic" women is just laughable. Do you really think you need to post pictures of porn in order to find a women who is both rubenesque and sexually attractive?


----------



## wild jade

Let me put it this way. The Zoo models are actually the same body types as the Vogue models, but just with bigger tits, more skin showing and much more suggestively posed. IOW harder to achieve, without silicone at least.


----------



## sokillme

wild jade said:


> Yes, I read your post, and I still stand by my point. By showing the Zoo models and calling them an "easier" standard, you are revealing just how impossibly high the standards are. We can't all be siliconed and photoshopped all the time, I'm afraid.
> 
> I think you are confusing the high fashion of Vogue with what women's ideals really are. And waving Zoo as more "realistic" women is just laughable. Do you really think you need to post pictures of porn in order to find a women who is both rubenesque and sexually attractive?


Easier in the same way Hugh Jackman is easier then the roided guy. Like I have said in every single post about this, they are all incredibly high.

Unobtainable - (starve, or steroids)
High Standard - (exercise every day)

We are not talking about just your every day bodies here on this post. We never have been. Read my post in the context of all my other posts.


----------



## wild jade

sokillme said:


> Easier in the same way Hugh Jackman is easier then the roided guy. Like I have said in every single post about this, they are all incredibly high.
> 
> Unobtainable - (starve, or steroids)
> High Standard - (exercise every day)
> 
> We are not talking about just your every day bodies here on this post. We never have been. Read my post in the context of all my other posts.


And the women you are holding up as "real" are starved, then photoshopped and siliconed. Aka, according to your own definition unobtainable. 

And this is what men desire in women. Again according to your own definition.


----------



## Lila

sokillme said:


> My point was Zoo Models are an easier standard then a Vogue model who is probably pushing anorexia or is just genetically predisposed to be as thin as a rail, and this is the standard that women's magazines push, not men's. Most men want some curves.
> 
> ....*For anyone man or woman to be built like people we see in entertainment it means daily exercise*.


Lmao, please enlighten me....... What exercises should an average woman do to inflate her boobs to a _very _perky DDD similar to some of those zoo models? 

Let's get real here.... if you remove the implants from all of the zoo models, all you're left with is the so called anorexic vogue models. But it is interesting that you think that's an attainable figure naturally. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## notmyrealname4

I like these. I don't know why. Only if it's fairly easy to obtain. A lot of guys (not all) who look like this, eat like horses.


I'd love to be as skinny as Vogue models. At one point, I was about 10# over being that thin (5'9", 117lbs---ate whenever I was hungry, but didn't eat 3 regular meals a day, never exercised) It's much harder now; gotta exercise, and that's fine.

And I don't like being thin because of Anna Wintour or gay fashion designers etc. etc. I just like it 'cause I do.


This is "Rubenesque", lol.


----------



## Celes

*looks at both links*



sokillme said:


> My point was Zoo Models are an easier standard then a Vogue model


:rofl:


----------



## wild jade

Lila said:


> Lmao, please enlighten me....... What exercises should an average woman do to inflate her boobs to a _very _perky DDD similar to some of those zoo models?
> 
> Let's get real here.... if you remove the implants from all of the zoo models, all you're left with is the so called anorexic vogue models. But it is interesting that you think that's an attainable figure naturally.


Oh, and it's not just the implants. Careful photoshopping shaves some thickness off the waist and thighs, thins the face, removes all blemishes, and sculpts the body so that it better conforms to the hyper-sexualized ideals. Cindy Crawford said it best IMHO, "Even Cindy Crawford doesn't look like Cindy Crawford." 

It really is intriguing, though, how many guys think this is just a product of exercise and a healthy lifestyle. It's so so much the opposite.


----------



## sokillme

I give up. I don't know how many times I have to say they are photo shopped of that it's and incredibly high standard. You only hear what you want to hear, you don't what to hear my point you want to hear me telling you all women have to look like Zoe Models. Which is not what I said at all.


----------



## wild jade

sokillme said:


> I give up. I don't know how many times I have to say they are photo shopped of that it's and incredibly high standard. You only hear what you want to hear, you don't what to hear my point you want to hear me telling you all women have to look like Zoe Models. Which is not what I said at all.


I can tell that you are trying to say that women don't need to be a size 0. But can you not see that what you're holding up as "realistic" is actually exactly what you are telling us that we don't need to be. 

There's a real disconnect there. I'm just trying to point it out to you.

Meanwhile, back to men's bodies. Those are actually substantially different body types.


----------



## sokillme

wild jade said:


> I can tell that you are trying to say that women don't need to be a size 0. But can you not see that what you're holding up as "realistic" is actually exactly what you are telling us that we don't need to be.
> 
> There's a real disconnect there. I'm just trying to point it out to you.
> 
> Meanwhile, back to men's bodies. Those are actually substantially different body types.


OK instead of realistic, I should say do-able meaning it can be done with lots of hard work (not the boobs, those are genetic). Just like this










Can be done if you basically are always on a diet and you exercise every day. Lots of hard work. 

All I am saying it girls starve themselves to be a size 0, I remember reading a post from a woman who had cancer and all her girlfriends who didn't know were telling her how great she looked. She was shocked. I believe that is because the magazine models are often times of an unhealthy weight. I know for a fact guys aren't into bodies that skinny. If you ask most guys they would rather have a little heavier then extremely skinny. The fashion industry pushes for this skinny though. That was my only point. It's a shame more young women don't realize this.


----------



## wild jade

sokillme said:


> OK instead of realistic, I should say do-able meaning it can be done with lots of hard work (not the boobs, those are genetic). Just like this


And what I'm trying to tell you is that it literally isn't do-able. Those bodies that you admire so much are quite literally sculpted, photoshopping away all those "troublesome" spots that don't fit into a particular mold. All of those models have exactly the same body type, their measurements within only a couple of inches of difference at most. If you took the Vogue models that you think are too skinny and sexed them up a bit, showed more skin, super skimpy clothes, and posed with that ****-me look, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. The one exception is that Vogue model are smaller in the chest, but flat doesn't cut it in the men's mag world. 

As for boobs being genetic, LOL. Some are to be sure. But that model body type usually requires artificial enhancements to achieve that men's mag sexy look. Exceptions exist, of course. Point being is that the look isn't achievable by most women, no matter how much they starve and exercise. 

Do men like women who are heavier? Maybe. I didn't see anyone commenting on how sexy the actual rubenesque painting was. What do you think? Did you find it sexy? 

Meanwhile, I'm a big fan of men's bodies. The only look I really can't stand is that artificial sculpted one.


----------



## *Deidre*

I don't really like the choices, something between 1 and 2 is what my fiance's body looks like, and I tend to be attracted to and have typically dated men who have a tough/rugged look...but they look amazing also in a business suit. My fiance is a cop and his face has that sexy tough look, not sure I can describe it. lol But it's super hot and yet he is modest, kind and funny. All together, that is what makes him really sexy, not *just* his appearance. I've dated other hot guys before who were a-holes or full of themselves, and it actually took away from their looks...their character became a negative distraction to their looks, weirdly enough. 

I have a few guy friends who say the same thing about women they date...if the women say incredibly stupid things, or are arrogant, it causes them to lose interest. We all might have types we like, but for relationships to work out, the person needs to be way deeper than a puddle, no matter how hot they are. lol


----------



## uhtred

I wonder to what extent what people say is attractive is driven by what they want, or driven by what they think that they should tell others that they want. 

The women I find attractive do not match well on what is generally considered attractive. I don't talk about it much, but I wonder if I would get strange looks because what I like isn't what I a *supposed* to like. The same may well be true for women - they may feel pressured to prefer a particular body type.


----------



## Curse of Millhaven

sokillme said:


> Women which do you find more attractive in a body type.


Of the three physiques you posted, if I were forced to choose one I would pick Wolverine, mostly because he’s such a tortured character and I’m drawn to his pain. And his whiskers. Plus his claws are pretty cool and would come in handy… I’d never have to chop another vegetable again!

Truthfully, I’ve never had a “type” or an ideal image of what a potential mate should look like. It’s rare that I’m attracted to someone based on looks alone (only once and never went beyond mutual attraction. Complicated; not meant to be). 

I mean, I can appreciate when someone is aesthetically pleasing, but in order for me to be attracted to them, I usually have to “spark” with that person. And I’m continually surprised who my little lady downstairs decides to gush over. Ew. Sorry about that. Unintentionally graphic imagery. 

I’ve been attracted to a variety of men over the centuries (what, you had to have suspected)… some short, some tall, some lean, some meaty, some hairy, some smooth, some older, some younger. The one thing they all had in common was that I connected with them on an electric cellular level. 

Oh and they were all a touch weird and a lot smart. Except for one. He was just pretty. His head was purely ornamental, but what an ornament it was! He more than made up for the lack of brains with sex on a stick hot damn hallelujah molten raw sex appeal. Still… not meant to be. Le sigh.

Anyway. Attraction for me is very much beyond prediction, rational thought, or body types. It’s also pretty rare. I can count on two paws the number of times true deep attraction has happened for me and still have claws left over. And it’s not dictated by muscle mass or conventional ideals of attractiveness. It’s animal sense attraction and I embrace the mystery.


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## 225985

..


----------



## Faithful Wife

uhtred said:


> I wonder to what extent what people say is attractive is driven by what they want, or driven by what they think that they should tell others that they want.
> 
> The women I find attractive do not match well on what is generally considered attractive. I don't talk about it much, but I wonder if I would get strange looks because what I like isn't what I a *supposed* to like. The same may well be true for women - they may feel pressured to prefer a particular body type.


Yes for sure. For instance if a man innocently asks me what body type I'm into or if it comes up in conversation, I know they don't want to hear me say Lebron James. They would be much more comfortable if I picked that pic of Hugh Jackman because they would still feel within the range of possibilities if it was that guy versus an NBA player.

Therefore, I normally wouldn't be totally truthful to a partner on this point...don't need him to know this.


----------



## notmyrealname4

uhtred said:


> I wonder to what extent what people say is attractive is driven by what they want, or driven by what they think that they should tell others that they want.
> 
> The women I find attractive do not match well on what is generally considered attractive. *I don't talk about it much, but I wonder if I would get strange looks* because what I like isn't what I a *supposed* to like. The same may well be true for women - they may feel pressured to prefer a particular body type.




I'm curious. Bride of Frankenstein? Medusa? People of Wal-Mart? :laugh:


----------



## lucy999

EllisRedding said:


>


That cod piece is everything!


----------



## lucy999

Hope1964 said:


> OMG me too!!!
> 
> That one of Sean Connery is kinda gross, and I usually like pics of him.


He's wearing girly boots.


----------



## uhtred

I understand all men get hard when they are with medusa....



notmyrealname4 said:


> I'm curious. Bride of Frankenstein? Medusa? People of Wal-Mart? :laugh:


----------



## samyeagar

Faithful Wife said:


> sam I have to ask you this....I'm pretty sure you must have known this was an issue in your relationship before you married her. Didn't it give you pause to reconsider the marriage? Being that you are experiencing what you've described as one of the biggest relationship fears for many men, you must have seen this coming. Why did you proceed, only to live in a way that makes you unhappy (on this particular level)? Just seems odd.
> 
> I know that if my boyfriend or my ex-h (or any man) had made me feel like they were not really that into my body by constantly oogling other women and commenting on how hot they are while never talking about my body that way, I just simply could not be with them. I would feel crushed. I would not be able to be happy. I need to feel attracted to and I need to feel attraction from my partner, in order to have any kind of intimacy at all. My body just will not function without that mutual attraction.


I have been mulling this over for a while now, and I think it really is as simple as I completely underestimated it's long term importance, and potential affect on me, and completely overestimated her ability and desire to be accommodating.


----------



## mary35

1 & 2 yes

no to 3

and definitely no to this

https://goo.gl/images/0nuXBp


----------



## mary35

"Attractive" to look at is one thing

"Attractive" to be with in a relationship, is another ball game. That depends far more on character traits, personality, and emotional connection. Although physical attraction and chemistry need to be there too for me to have a sexual attraction.

My husband has great character traits, a great personality, we have a strong emotional connection and there is chemistry. Right now his physical body type is unattractive to me. It was not when we got together nor was it when we got married. Unfortunately he has put on enough weight that sadly, now, it does affect my sexual attraction to him and is affecting some of the chemistry. Body types can change - and his weight is not a deal breaker as far as staying married and staying in love with him. However, he IS getting less sex from me than he would if he changed his body type by losing weight and toning up a little. Shallow of me? - some probably think so. But I think it is actually a natural consequence. 

I am trying hard not to withhold sex. I do my best to not let his weight affect me - but can't seem to help that my body does not perk up and respond well sexually to the sight of a large beer gut! There are many times that I find myself horny and ready to act. But, unfortunately those feelings are quickly extinguished by what I see. I don't like it - I don't want it to be this way - but it is this way! 
It is also something he has control over - and yet - even knowing how it is affecting me, he chooses not to do anything about it. Which is his choice. So I guess he is OK with the natural consequences - and I need to try to focus on the many other good things about him - (and perhaps keep my eyes shut more.)


----------



## jld

mary35 said:


> "Attractive" to look at is one thing
> 
> "Attractive" to be with in a relationship, is another ball game. That depends far more on character traits, personality, and emotional connection. Although physical attraction and chemistry need to be there too for me to have a sexual attraction.
> 
> My husband has great character traits, a great personality, we have a strong emotional connection and there is chemistry. Right now his physical body type is unattractive to me. It was not when we got together nor was it when we got married. Unfortunately he has put on enough weight that sadly, now, it does affect my sexual attraction to him and is affecting some of the chemistry. Body types can change - and his weight is not a deal breaker as far as staying married and staying in love with him. However, he IS getting less sex from me than he would if he changed his body type by losing weight and toning up a little. Shallow of me? - some probably think so. But I think it is actually a natural consequence.
> 
> I am trying hard not to withhold sex. I do my best to not let his weight affect me - but can't seem to help that my body does not perk up and respond well sexually to the sight of a large beer gut! There are many times that I find myself horny and ready to act. But, unfortunately those feelings are quickly extinguished by what I see. I don't like it - I don't want it to be this way - but it is this way!
> It is also something he has control over - and yet - even knowing how it is affecting me, he chooses not to do anything about it. Which is his choice. So I guess he is OK with the natural consequences - and I need to try to focus on the many other good things about him - (and perhaps keep my eyes shut more.)


That must be hard, Mary. 

I wonder if anyone really finds a beer gut attractive?


----------



## uhtred

I do not like large breasts, prefer a healthy slightly rugged appearance and an impression of being up for anything. I like women who look like they are ready to head out to do things 15 minutes after they wake up. 



notmyrealname4 said:


> I'm curious. Bride of Frankenstein? Medusa? People of Wal-Mart? :laugh:


----------



## 225985

samyeagar said:


> I have been mulling this over for a while now, and I think it really is as simple as I completely underestimated it's long term importance, and potential affect on me, and completely overestimated her ability and desire to be accommodating.




Same here Brother. :-(


----------



## notmyrealname4

uhtred said:


> I understand all men get hard when they are with medusa....




:grin2: I've never heard that one before. Very clever indeed.


----------



## notmyrealname4

mary35 said:


> My husband has great character traits, a great personality, we have a strong emotional connection and there is chemistry. Right now his physical body type is unattractive to me. It was not when we got together nor was it when we got married. Unfortunately he has put on enough weight that sadly, now, it does affect my sexual attraction to him and is affecting some of the chemistry. Body types can change - and his weight is not a deal breaker as far as staying married and staying in love with him. However, he IS getting less sex from me than he would if he changed his body type by losing weight and toning up a little. Shallow of me? - some probably think so. *But I think it is actually a natural consequence. *
> *
> I am trying hard not to withhold sex. * I do my best to not let his weight affect me - but can't seem to help that my body does not perk up and respond well sexually to the sight of a large beer gut! There are many times that I find myself horny and ready to act. But, unfortunately those feelings are quickly extinguished by what I see. I don't like it - I don't want it to be this way - but it is this way!
> It is also something he has control over - and yet - even knowing how it is affecting me,* he chooses not to do anything about it. Which is his choice.* So I guess he is OK with the natural consequences - and I need to try to focus on the many other good things about him - (and perhaps keep my eyes shut more.)



I think this is a gutsy post. Because it probably doesn't feel good typing out this description of your spouse; and your feelings about it. Yet it's the truth. 

It truly *is* a natural consequence. Being physically attracted to someone is never a choice. Well, I have never, ever "chosen" to be attracted to someone. It happens. When it happens, it's super-powerful. When it doesn't happen, no contrivance can make it happen.


mary, if you love your hubs in all the other ways (and it sounds like you do)---- can you have sex with him just to get the itch scratched? Like, focus on the need for sex in your own body, and the physical pleasure from being touched/penetrated; and not focus on his body as much.

Or, turn the lights off maybe.


And, assuming you've told your husband that you wish he could lose some weight, isn't it strange he chooses to do nothing. Not something it feels good to think about, huh?


----------



## mary35

jld said:


> That must be hard, Mary.
> 
> I wonder if anyone really finds a beer gut attractive?


Hard - no! Frustrating and aggravating at times - yes! Most of the time we are good! Like I said - he is good in all the other areas. 

I can't be the only one that feels this way. Any other ladies bothered by their husband's weight?


----------



## wild jade

mary35 said:


> Hard - no! Frustrating and aggravating at times - yes! Most of the time we are good! Like I said - he is good in all the other areas.
> 
> I can't be the only one that feels this way. Any other ladies bothered by their husband's weight?


I can totally relate. My husband gained quite a bit of weight and sometimes when I look at him, it's a total turn off.

But I also have a high sex drive. So I just don't look. Or turn the lights off.


----------



## sokillme

mary35 said:


> "Attractive" to look at is one thing
> 
> "Attractive" to be with in a relationship, is another ball game. That depends far more on character traits, personality, and emotional connection. Although physical attraction and chemistry need to be there too for me to have a sexual attraction.
> 
> My husband has great character traits, a great personality, we have a strong emotional connection and there is chemistry. Right now his physical body type is unattractive to me. It was not when we got together nor was it when we got married. Unfortunately he has put on enough weight that sadly, now, it does affect my sexual attraction to him and is affecting some of the chemistry. Body types can change - and his weight is not a deal breaker as far as staying married and staying in love with him. However, he IS getting less sex from me than he would if he changed his body type by losing weight and toning up a little. Shallow of me? - some probably think so. But I think it is actually a natural consequence.
> 
> I am trying hard not to withhold sex. I do my best to not let his weight affect me - but can't seem to help that my body does not perk up and respond well sexually to the sight of a large beer gut! There are many times that I find myself horny and ready to act. But, unfortunately those feelings are quickly extinguished by what I see. I don't like it - I don't want it to be this way - but it is this way!
> It is also something he has control over - and yet - even knowing how it is affecting me, he chooses not to do anything about it. Which is his choice. So I guess he is OK with the natural consequences - and I need to try to focus on the many other good things about him - (and perhaps keep my eyes shut more.)


Makes sense, you are not different then many guys on here who have written basically the same thing. Sounds like you told him and he didn't change huh?


----------



## mary35

notmyrealname4 said:


> I think this is a gutsy post. If this was a pun - clever!! lol Because it probably doesn't feel good typing out this description of your spouse; and your feelings about it. Yet it's the truth. I have written about his weight bothering me before, but yes - you are right - it does not feel good to type it out. It sounds petty and shallow - especially given that he really is a great husband in so many ways. And I am not perfect either. While I try to keep my weight and body in shape - I know there are things about me that annoy him and probably are a turn off at times.
> 
> It truly *is* a natural consequence. Being physically attracted to someone is never a choice. Well, I have never, ever "chosen" to be attracted to someone. It happens. When it happens, it's super-powerful. When it doesn't happen, no contrivance can make it happen. I was physically attracted to my husband for many years! And the chemistry is still there - even after all these years. There are times when we touch - and an amazing tingly electrical current goes through the both of us. There are times when I look at him (when he is dressed nicely) and I see past the weight, my breath still catches - and my heart beats faster. HE is not repulsive. It's just that his body type right now - does nothing for me sexually - and sometimes (often) is even a turn off.
> 
> 
> mary, if you love your hubs in all the other ways (and it sounds like you do)---- can you have sex with him just to get the itch scratched? Like, focus on the need for sex in your own body, and the physical pleasure from being touched/penetrated; and not focus on his body as much.
> 
> Or, turn the lights off maybe.
> 
> I did not mean to mislead anyone. I do love my husband and I take care of his sexual needs, most of the time. We have sex regularly and both his itch and mine get scratched. During sex, I do exactly as you describe - focus on other things - and not on his body as much as possible. But the truth is - this past year he has put more weight on and is at his heaviest - and one result is I seldom have the urge to initiate sex anymore. And sadly, its not because I don't want more sex.
> 
> 
> And, assuming you've told your husband that you wish he could lose some weight,I have told him - recently and several times over the years. He has known how I felt about this particular body type since I expressed my dislike of it during our early marriage when his brother started getting a gut. Over the years when discussing our likes and preferences I have told him that beer guts are a turn off for me. These discussions took place long before he ever started to put weight on. He knows how I feel. He also know that I worry about his health because of the weight issue. isn't it strange he chooses to do nothing. Not something it feels good to think about, huh?


 I don't think that it is all that strange. It's frustrating and aggravating to me at times though. Many spouses struggle with weight issues and know their spouses want them to lose weight. I had a weight issue in high school - so I know what a struggle it can be. I realize loosing weight is not an easy thing for many people Many get a lot of pleasure and enjoyment from food. He is one of those. He has lost weight before and started to work out. It just never lasts long - and he puts it all back on - plus more. Unfortunately he carries the weight mostly in his gut - like the picture - even though he is not a drinker.


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## mary35

I forget that there are many who do not know my story on here. 

In all fairness to my husband - he has put up with a lot from me. I was a sexual gatekeeper and withholder for many years of our marriage due to some serious sexual hangups and repression issues. It was about 8- 9 years ago that I had a sexual awakening, so to speak, and then worked through my issues. Once that happened - I went from no drive - to the one with the higher drive. So when he was physically in shape and attractive to me - being physically attractive got him no where sexually for most of those years. In the past 8 years he has gotten tons more sex (and better sex) than he ever got before. It's really only been the past year or so that his weight has hit a level that I feel it is affecting my sexual desire for him. Like I said - i try not to withhold, we still have sex regularly, and its still good sex. Our frequency has decreased because I am not initiating it like I was. So maybe he doesn't really see a noticeable difference in my behavior, or is attributing it to other things, like age or stress. 

Anyways - I only wrote my honest feelings on this thread, because I wanted other woman who might feel this way to know that they are not the only ones. Instead - I now feel like I am the only one! lol


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## aine

I'd go for no 2 though as many have said on here, attraction to a man depends on so many other things. I would hate to be with an attractive man who is a damp rag and unintelligent. So intelligence, charm, humour, kindness, are all important aspects too.


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## jld

mary35 said:


> I forget that there are many who do not know my story on here.
> 
> In all fairness to my husband - he has put up with a lot from me. I was a sexual gatekeeper and withholder for many years of our marriage due to some serious sexual hangups and repression issues. It was about 8- 9 years ago that I had a sexual awakening, so to speak, and then worked through my issues. Once that happened - I went from no drive - to the one with the higher drive. So when he was physically in shape and attractive to me - being physically attractive got him no where sexually for most of those years. In the past 8 years he has gotten tons more sex (and better sex) than he ever got before. It's really only been the past year or so that his weight has hit a level that I feel it is affecting my sexual desire for him. Maybe he doesn't really see a noticeable difference in my behavior, or is attributing it to other things, like age or stress. Like I said - i try not to withhold, we still have sex regularly, and its still good sex. Our frequency has decreased because I am not initiating it like I was. So maybe he doesn't really see a noticeable difference in my behavior, or is attributing it to other things, like age or stress.
> 
> Anyways - I only wrote my honest feelings on this thread, because I wanted other woman who might feel this way to know that they are not the only ones. Instead - I now feel like I am the only one! lol


It is always good to be honest. The more honest people are, the more interesting the conversations.


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## thefam

@mary35 I totally get and appreciate where you are coming from but from the other side of the tablr. I use to actually be intimidated by my husbands weight and fitness (although he recently lost a lot of weight which he is trying to put back on). But in recent years his fitness has motivated me to better fitness and healthy eating.


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## thefam

As far as the original question I prefer #1 for my H because that is closer to his natural state I think my husband prefers to be #2 but can't eat enough to maintain it. He has to work at eating enough and working out enough to just maintain #1.


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