# did she cheat?



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

my adult stepson left facebook up on my computor. when i returned, he was flirting with his mothers friend. she declined, stating she promised his mom, my wife to never touch him. his reply; no one will know......like she messed with ****** and promised me she never would do it........(bunch of perverted advances to her friend)


----------



## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Can you clarify what happened, what was said. I cannot tell if you are inquiring about your wife's friend or your wife?
Who was your stepson referring to when he mentioned someone had done this with someone else?


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

he was referring to his mom, my wife. i toke it as " my mom promised not to but did anyway so why keep your promise"


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

R U trying to tell us, you think your wife made advances to a friend of yours, or some male????????


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

sorry for the confusion, was trying to be breif. my wifes friend likes to flirt and dont think she follows threw, just playing games. she flirts with my stepson, and me in front of wife but never ever evan touch or flirt in private. stepson is 23 and wants it to be real dispite her explaining its only play. he left in a hurry and his facebook conversation was left up. i saw her name so i read it. she was asking about a halloween party all 4 of us was planning to attend, he quickly changed it to vulgar sexual remarks. she told him she is tempted but promised his mom (my wife) that she never would touch him. he responded; no one has to know........like she messed with ******* and promised me to never do it........i just want to %$%%$


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

I'm confused with this part....

she told him she is tempted but promised his mom (my wife) that she never would touch him. he responded; no one has to know........like she messed with ******* and promised me to never do it........i just want to %$%%$


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

my interpretation is that the friend promised my wife on not to mess with her son, but son says mom promised not to mess with his friend. am i streching here or did he admit to knowing his mom messed with his friend after promising so its ok for them to break a promise too. i can, if allowed, type conversation word for word.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I have no idea why this is so hard, but basically his mother (the OP's wife) promised somebody she'd not have sex with somebody but did anyhow. She broke her promise not to screw some guy, so the mom's friend can go ahead and screw him.


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

yes, thats how i understood it. they all claim i read it wrong and mis understood.


----------



## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

ok. So the son is discussing his mothers infidelities in an attempt to have sex with his mother's friend? 
Can I get a WTF?!?!
There is a world of hurt coming your way


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

i never took her for a cheat, but the timing fits. if it happened, it was 2 years ago. i was very depressed when she returned the other night, told her i needed to talk and it couldnt wait. she thought someone died until i asked what went on with you and ####? cought her totally off gaurd and she calmly responded" ryans friend,? he hung out here a while when he was fighting with his g.f. why do you ask? i told her of the facebook conversation and was slightly concerned of her friend getting with her son but shrugged off the comment about her messing around, said he must of been bsing to try to get her. she never got upset, excited or defensive and felt bad that i was so upset over nothing. the next day, she said that her and her friend told him she did it with his friend so he would stop messing with her friend. this was a running joke for 2 years and never stopped him. now, by chance, i here of it. to here her talk, i beleive her but everytime i read the conversation, i think 100% guilty. not knowing will tear me up and knowing the worst will destroy us! i cant love blindly and sweep it under the rug, what should i do?


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

ren said:


> ok. So the son is discussing his mothers infidelities in an attempt to have sex with his mother's friend?
> Can I get a WTF?!?!


I know, right?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Um, what kind of mother tells her don that she had sex with his friend? As a joke? Is she trying to get on Jerry springer?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

Cheated for sure...these things are not jokes. This was a discovered conversation...they had no time to "prep" a joke.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Looks like a polygraph test would be the only way to find out after so much time has passed.


----------



## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Yes, no mother would joke to her son that she had sex with his friend. How would doing so dissuade the son from pursuing your wife's friend? If anything, it would encourage him, as it did, as he would think "since mom's a skank, her friend is one , too, most likely".
That story about lying to the son to dissuade him makes no sense.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Don't be fooled by your wife's calm attitude about whether she did/didn't do, whoever the son is talking about

Your wife if she did cheat, obviously knows how to decieve and lie, so being cool, and collected isn't a problem for her

Keep an eye on her for other outward changes, and don't let the problem drop----keep bringing it up, in a roundabout way, and watch her reactions

I can't believe your wife would be so dumb, as to tell someone/anyone she cheated with another man---but who knows people do things for many reasons

If you are really bothered, a Poly, or threat of a poly, would probably get results, one way or the other


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

I feel like I'm Ward Cleaver when I read some of these threads. Were you too married when this fling may have taken place? If you were then there is no way this was a joke. I'd probably wait a month without any further conversation, create a facebook profile of a sexy, divorced mom. Start Shotgun friending people (A lot of people don't verify). Then friend your step-son's friend. Say you remember him from what ever teen age job he has/had or maybe sport he plays. Send him messages saying you've heard somethings and would like to meet. Drag it out a bit and then drop that you heard about how good he was from your wife. See what happens. Don't know what else you can do as far as investigating because it sounds like it was a short term thing.


----------



## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Joking about cheating with your son's friend is a red flag and poor action on her part. Her logic for doing so makes no sense.


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

didnt exactly joke that she had sex. son (23) flirted with wifes friend (47) and wife told him if he didnt stop, she was going after his friends. "she claims" her and friend made up sex story to teach him a lesson, show how it feels to have friends hit on. it didnt work. he still flirts with her, they all but forgot about the story and i found out by accident. what i read wasnt meant for me to read, just her friend. it may evan be bs on his part. i want so bad to believe her, but just cant. i have been with her 10 years, her best defense has always been a good offense, and i antisipated a fight for asking about it. she isnt smart enough to make a story that fast


----------



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I've read all of the posts in this thread, and have come to the conclusion that I need a shot of whiskey. 

John, get everyone involved in the so-called joke together for some type of group discussion and clear the air. Take a stand and say "What the hell is going on here!!?". There are too many red herrings in your post that could lead any of us reading them to many different places. Make it better for yourself and everyone involved by clearing the air and moving with whatever action is needed afterwards.

Bartender, make that a double.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think you should watch for another time when your step-son leaves his facebook page open. Then ask the friend about his time with your wife, pretending to be your step-son. Hopefully you can find out the truth.

My guess is she cheated. The story doesn't add up in my mind. Like another poster said, her story would encourage him to keep trying not stop.


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

My guess is that she also cheated. Sorry but a mother does not make up stories that she had sex with another guy to tell your stepson. Something smells very fishy. Something is certainly not kosher here.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

John, I'm sorry you're going through this turmoil. My gut feel is that your wife cheated, but hey that is only a guess from across the internet based on a few sentences about people I'll never meet. Your gut feeling though is pretty important. It is telling you something isn't right. Whatever it is, your gut know something in the world isn't the way you thought it was.

I think the polygraph threat is a good idea in this case. You have a specific smoking gun evidence that she cheated. This isn't a red flag, it is a smoking gun.

If the roles were reversed and my wife came to me with something like this, and I were truly innocent, I would want to do whatever it took to prove my innocence. I would get everybody together, I would do a polygraph, whatever. Is your wife acting like she wants to cooperate in any way possible?

How long did she have to come up with the story about it being a joke? A couple of years apparently, right? If she did cheat, she has been thinking about the cover story ever since. If the cover story is basically true with the exception that she really did have sex with son's friend, it is only a small thing to lie about the actual sex and say it was a joke.

I would consider the voice activated recorder and putting a keylogger on her computer and stepson's computer asap. You'll find out pretty quick what the truth is if they are discussing it online.


----------



## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

HerToo said:


> I've read all of the posts in this thread, and have come to the conclusion that I need a shot of whiskey.
> 
> John, get everyone involved in the so-called joke together for some type of group discussion and clear the air. Take a stand and say "What the hell is going on here!!?". There are too many red herrings in your post that could lead any of us reading them to many different places. Make it better for yourself and everyone involved by clearing the air and moving with whatever action is needed afterwards.
> 
> Bartender, make that a double.


That's actually a good idea, just totally confront them all and clear the air. There is so much weirdness here, gathering everyone together in one room and demanding an explanation from all the participants may be the only way to sort it out. If nothing else it will increase the chances of noticing holes in their story. If you do this, make sure your wife is not the first one to share her story and take notes so you can keep track of exactly what is being said. There's nothing more annoying than catching a contradiction in one conspirators story and only having your memory to rely on when the other conspirators change their story.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Confronting them all may not even work out unless you're skilled at reading body languages, facial expressions, etc. And you'll need to have the right questions to ask, and so on.

There's something not right about the stepson asking your wife's friend for sex. Unless he's trying to balance the equation so to speak.

There's something not right about your wife's explanation of the event 2 years ago.

Anyway, it's best to deal with it now instead of sweeping it under the rug.

The ultimate question to yourself is what would you do if she did cheated. Would you divorce? If so, start preparing yourself financially and legally for that stage while trying to resolve the confusion.


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

no idea what i would do, i am a wreck. i am usually pretty good at reading people and catching lies, and when i talk to wife, i truly beleive her. but 5 minutes later, my mind starts racing and i printed the conversation, he claims "like she messed with xxxxx and promised me to never do it" anything her son says is likely bs, he uses everyone, lies about everything and is pretty much scum, but thats her son. if he said it in my presence, i wouldnt of gave it another thought. but it was a private conversation and when i read it, i feel he is stating a known fact! my wife talks way too much and cant keep secrets, her girlfriend has been caught in petty lies but she 'might' tell me if this was true. i can not shrug it off, i know what i read, it sounds like his bs trying to con what he wants but it feels so real! dont think she took 2 years to come up with story, her response was too genuine to be made up. i have caught her on dumb stuff before and response was much different. i dont know which is worse, finding that she did it, or wondering forever!


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You now indicate that your wife is a serial liar. I think a polygraph will give you the information you want. It really sounds like she cheated.


----------



## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

john r said:


> her response was too genuine to be made up


If there's just one thing you learn here let it be this: 

*Unfaithful women are the greatest liars on earth*

You need to trust your gut and verify that she is telling the truth. It doesn't matter how genuine she seems, you can never measure the honesty of a cheater by that alone.


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

ren said:


> *Unfaithful spouses are the greatest liars on earth*


I fixed it for you.


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

no, didnt indicate she was a serial liar, just know how she acts when skating the truth. example: her son got in trouble and she knew i would flip, she covered up and came clean when timing was better. or when she money to her daughter and didnt think i would understand, it was so obviuos that she came clean within hours. i have seen her lie to her kids rather than tell them no (begging for money) and i know how she acts. the thing about lies, the truth usually comes out eventually. if this is the truth coming out, she didnt act anything like what i would of expected. i am not saying it didnt happen, its just i am convinced from her actions it didnt, then a minute later, i dont know. now her son, constant lies, her girlfriend, she twists stories to her benefit but harmless. i do beleive her flirting is just play, as she does it to me in front of wife.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Her lying in this situation, is a whole lot different, than all her other lies put together----the others, you might be PO'd, but that would be it----this lie, could very well cost her, her mge., and turn her into a single divorced woman, out on her own----you better believe she is treating this whole thing much differently


----------



## john r (Nov 2, 2011)

son says he was all ****ed up, cant remember what he wrote. her girlfriend doesnt remember the conversation. i printed it out for her to explain when i see her. wife still claims nothing happenned other than the play flirting we do sometimes. told me i needed to stop obsescing over nothing and i know she never wood do it.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Where there is smoke there is fire, her son wrote this down and would not have know you would get to read it. Maybe he is talking rubbish however I suspect there is a lot more to this then you wife is letting on. 

From an outside view, she has had sex with another man and is working hard to cover her ass, what make this unpleasant for you is there are a number of people who knew about this before you found out.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> son says he was all ****ed up, cant remember what he wrote. her girlfriend doesnt remember the conversation.


Convenient , it is amazing how they can't remember what they wrote. They are fully aware of what your wife did and are closing ranks.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> Convenient , it is amazing how they can't remember what they wrote. They are fully aware of what your wife did and are closing ranks.


Yes, looks like it.

I am sure the stepson knows that he asked for sex.


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

The situation is so messed up and confusing that I think the only way to verify things is demanding Polygraph to your W.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You may want to consider buying VARs (voice activated recorders) and hiding them inside the house near landline telephones and under the driver seat of her car. Also install a keylogger on the computer to find out if she has secret email accounts that would have emails that would prove if she was having or had an affair.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

perhaps set up a yahoo or gmail account as (insert your kids name)'[email protected] with a email sent to this OM ....

"i think my husband knows"...


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I suggest you give your wife the perception of lietting it go and make her believe you except her line.

Quitely do your own investigation and look in to the possiblity that this circle of freaks will talk about it some more, now that it was brought up (even if it was years ago).

Look into planting a VAR...maybe two, and look at all invloved as far as exploring there social networks.

A ploygraph may give you piece of mind. Let things settle down then spring it on your wife in a few months.


----------

