# Bf questioning my past relationships



## fall222 (Nov 26, 2016)

This isn't a current issue for me but in the past I have had prior boyfriends ask me about past boyfriend. Wanting to know detailed sexual things and full details about past relationships. I even had one bf who seemed to become obsessed with what went on in my past relationships almost to the point where we talked about it almost daily. Ugh 

He would want to know if he was better in bed better at being a bf in general. He even looked up my old boyfriends on fb to see what they liked like. Then he got upset because he thought they were better looking than him. 

Why would a guy do this!?!?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

fall222 said:


> This isn't a current issue for me but in the past I have had prior boyfriends ask me about past boyfriend. Wanting to know detailed sexual things and full details about past relationships. I even had one bf who seemed to become obsessed with what went on in my past relationships almost to the point where we talked about it almost daily. Ugh
> 
> He would want to know if he was better in bed better at being a bf in general. He even looked up my old boyfriends on fb to see what they liked like. Then he got upset because he thought they were better looking than him.
> 
> *Why would a guy do this!?!?*


Insecurity, emotional instability, jealousy, anger management issues, control issues. Take your pick. 

I would strongly suggest moving along if a current partner wants too much detailed information about your past, becomes obsessed with your prior relationships, or starts FB stalking past partners. Because you can't fix crazy. And you shouldn't try.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'd recommending steering clear of anyone who wants to know details about your past. Nothing fundamentally wrong with asking or caring, but to me it suggests someone who may not be able to deal with honest answers.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

What Rowan said, 100%.

In past relationships I never asked, not my business and I didn't care. But I did have some GF's that seemed obsessed with it, and to be honest, it was a complete turn off.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I agree with Rowan.

My ex was the exact same way and I thought that once we were living together that he would feel more secure.

We lived together for 9 days and he flew into a jealous rage and beat the living crap out of me, then stalked me and now 4 months later I am trying to pick up all the pieces.

Stay away from those types of men.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Both sexes do this.

Honesty, here, is a two edged scalpel. It cuts both ways. 

Next time, tell a questioning guy that you do not "kiss and tell". You do not talk about other lovers. You do not talk behind other peoples back. That talk ended when you graduated from H.S. 

If they keep pestering you tell them that I picked you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. 

If you cannot say that in earnest, then move on. Get a new man.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Insecurity issues.

Probably molested by a trusted adult male caregiver at a young, impressionable age.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

It depends. If you bring it up as a topic, or compare your current guy to a past guy, or you're hanging with friends and they start talking about exes, then I think you should expect some questions.

That said, if your guy is getting obsessed with your exes / previous sex life, probably best to find a new guy. That's crazy. 

Personally, I don't talk about exes unless directly asked. And I don't ask about previous relationships unless they are brought up by someone else.

I do ask questions about childhood, life experiences, etc because I think they are relevant. I wish I'd known more about how much childhood affects later life decisions earlier in my life. How many times you had sex / what positions / with what partner is pretty irrelevant unless you're into some really freaky stuff. (So I guess, if I suspected my gf were into something jacked, I guess I would ask?)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

fall222 said:


> This isn't a current issue for me but in the past I have had prior boyfriends ask me about past boyfriend. Wanting to know detailed sexual things and full details about past relationships. I even had one bf who seemed to become obsessed with what went on in my past relationships almost to the point where we talked about it almost daily. Ugh
> 
> He would want to know if he was better in bed better at being a bf in general. He even looked up my old boyfriends on fb to see what they liked like. Then he got upset because he thought they were better looking than him.
> 
> Why would a guy do this!?!?


Because you are drawn to, and attract, mentally unhealthy men. How's your self esteem?


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## fall222 (Nov 26, 2016)

Right now it's not the best due to my break up. But generally speaking I have strong self esteem.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

fall222 said:


> This isn't a current issue for me but in the past I have had prior boyfriends ask me about past boyfriend. Wanting to know detailed sexual things and full details about past relationships. I even had one bf who seemed to become obsessed with what went on in my past relationships almost to the point where we talked about it almost daily. Ugh
> 
> He would want to know if he was better in bed better at being a bf in general. He even looked up my old boyfriends on fb to see what they liked like. Then he got upset because he thought they were better looking than him.
> 
> Why would a guy do this!?!?


It is the need to fulfill the illusion of the following:

-biggest penis
-best sex
-best looks
-highest desirability

We never feed an individual's insecurities, especially by lying. If one cannot handle not being the biggest or best sexual partner, then they are most likely going to externalize the negative feeling they have, via jealousy, control and manipulation.

Giving into this emotional weakness will ensure that this new man is definitely not the best. It is actually easy to be the best romantic partner, since so many men/women set the bar so low.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If you continue dating a guy after he keeps asking you about your exes (obsessing over your past), that will be only the beginning of the controlling behavior, I speak from experience. It will go into...telling you what to wear, who to see, why you didn't text him back right away, where are you, who did you talk to today, etc...etc...


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

fall222 said:


> Why would a guy do this!?!?


Fear, insecurity and very bad self esteem/worth.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Tell the guy exactly what he doesn't want to hear. Tell him about your night with the local rugby club, tell him about all the money you made hooking in Vegas, tell him about the year you lived at the Playboy mansion, tell him the first time you tried anal, the first time you were with a woman, the first time with an animal. Tell him that now that your rashes have all cleared up you want to put all that wild sex behind you and get into the once a month routine with some guy with a little picker because you have been so sore for years.

The guy is an insecure idiot, tell him to get lost.


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## fall222 (Nov 26, 2016)

Cooper. Your comments made me lol. Hahahaha. I agree there is an issue for sure when someone starts doing this


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Since it was noted in the OP that this has happened multiple times, and not limited to one boyfriend in particular, how do these conversations even start? I am having a hard time picturing you guys sitting on the couch watch cat videos on youtube and it just popping up completely out of the blue.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I watch my stepson do this with ALL of his girlfriends. He gets obsessed with their prior relationships and it just eats him up. He becomes this complete control freak and it is no surprise (to me) why all of his relationships fail. We have tried to get him into therapy to address this an other issues but he just doesn't see it as a problem. 

My advice to the OP is first and foremost, is to decline to discuss previous relationships, especially the sexual past. The past is the past and will not change and is none of their business. If your bf continues to press the issue, you may have to consider letting that one go. The reasons why your bf's do this have been explained, suffice to say unless they work on themselves, it will never get better.

My next advice would be to consider the bf the OP decides to date. If it seems like it is a repetitive pattern of bf she is attracted to, she may want to consider counseling herself to address the issue of why she would continue to be attracted to these types of guys.


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## fall222 (Nov 26, 2016)

Nooo. It was really only an issue with one long term relationship. There was one other guy who asked me a few thing but did not obsess. So I don't believe I'm attracting this type. When I told this particular guy I no longer wanted to explain myself he would get mad and depressed.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

fall222 said:


> This isn't a current issue for me but in the past I have had prior boyfriends ask me about past boyfriend. Wanting to know detailed sexual things and full details about past relationships. I even had one bf who seemed to become obsessed with what went on in my past relationships almost to the point where we talked about it almost daily. Ugh
> 
> He would want to know if he was better in bed better at being a bf in general. He even looked up my old boyfriends on fb to see what they liked like. Then he got upset because he thought they were better looking than him.
> 
> Why would a guy do this!?!?


Look on the bright side, at least he was clearly showing you in advance what drives him and not when you are long term invested into a relationship. This is a sign of controlling behavior on the way. If you did one thing sexually with a prior guy he will be expecting one porno dream step more to show you like him better. 

As previous posters have said this shows low self esteem and he needs to sort this out himself, it's not your job to work out how to deal it and hide him from the effects.

On your way out you could just agree with him and tell him that you also though the exes were better looking.


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