# help please ? super fast question



## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

for the ladies  So my friend ( a female) said she over time got so very mad/resentful at her husband she finally pushed him to leave the house, and he did and she got extremely angry at him for actually leaving , can some kind soul please explain this to me? :scratchhead: she tried to explain but didn't do a very good job


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

SHe didn't really want him to leave. She wanted him to wake up & see that she was resentful over something he did, or how he was treating her. It slowly built, so he probably didn't recognize the resentment.

It was her fault for not telling him what she really wanted. He didn't get the clue that she wanted more of a relationship with him...

The 'pushed for him to leave the house' really was trying to push him into "seeing what he could lose". IT backfired on her.

She is mad at him for actually leaving.. because
1) she didn't think he actually would. Mad because her plan didn't work.
2) He didn't stand up & fight for her & show that he cared enough to stay in the house with her.

or... 3) Both of the above.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Chelle D said:


> 2) He didn't stand up & fight for her & show that he cared enough to stay in the house with her.


:iagree:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> SHe didn't really want him to leave. She wanted him to wake up & see that she was resentful over something he did, or how he was treating her. It slowly built, so he probably didn't recognize the resentment.
> 
> It was her fault for not telling him what she really wanted. He didn't get the clue that she wanted more of a relationship with him...
> 
> ...



^^^ This. :iagree:


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

hmm , seems very familiar to my story , in fact my ex fiancé was egging on a fight between her "friend" and me, she was so sick about it, I could see it in her eyes , I just decided to jump on the next flight though, now its 100% over and done with


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It sounds like she gave him an ultimatum, hoping he would choose to fight for their marriage. She's mad that it didn't work.


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

I wish I was on speaking terms with my ex fiancé, I really wonder if she was slightly bitter that I actually ended up getting on that plane and heading 1000 miles away, she refuses to speak to me about anything important and its quite annoying


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Soveryalone said:


> I wish I was on speaking terms with my ex fiancé, I really wonder if she was slightly bitter that I actually ended up getting on that plane and heading 1000 miles away, she refuses to speak to me about anything important and its quite annoying


So the going got rough and you bailed? Yeah, that's not what a woman needs or wants.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Soveryalone said:


> I wish I was on speaking terms with my ex fiancé, I really wonder if she was slightly bitter that I actually ended up getting on that plane and heading 1000 miles away, she refuses to speak to me about anything important and its quite annoying


She's an ex. Leave it behind you and look forward to better relationships in the future.


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

it was building for quite a while to be honest and we were both afraid to let go. I just tried to give her what she wanted and I left and cut off all ties , and she moved on, and now I am left full of regret


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

i am still in the no one can compare to her stage i think


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Soveryalone said:


> i am still in the no one can compare to her stage i think


It doesn't seem like it. If she refuses to talk to you about anything important.

Let that fish go & go back to the sea... That's how you learn to be a better fisherman. A fisherman with more experience to know which one's are keepers & which are practice runs.


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

I don't even member writing my last post , too much wine I think  and I think its going to be a very very long time before I begin fishing again, if ever lol I hate to admit this but I think she broke me !


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Well, wait about 6 months... then maybe go out on an occasional date here & there... Just to go out & have fun. Nothing seriously romantic.

Then re-evaluate your feelings. If you still are not over her.. if she still effects how you judge other prospective dates,.. then look her up & see if she is still single. 

If so, at that point you could ask her out again... .But treat it as a new dating experience. Slow, get to know her (really know her.. ask lots of questions about her & her feelings... her opinions, etc) but don't treat it as if you are picking back up where you left off. That would be a mistake on both of your parts.

If for some reason, you do end up with this lady.. you need a fresh start, from a fresh perspective.


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

that sounds good , but I think I just focus on how long her and I were a couple -12 years , and I focus on the quantity of time , not quality of the relationship. So I romanticize the notion of her, truthfully her and I are 100% and completely done with, she isn't single, she had an EA with someone we used to know and that was why I left. She is now dating him  anyways thanks for the post !


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

Walking away can be the easiest solution. She wanted him to fight for their relationship.


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

She was literally trying to incite a fight between me and the OM... it was so childish and I didn't bite, and you are correct walking away may have been the easiest solution , but it felt like the right time, we weren't making each other happy, and I hope and pray she is happy now. Still feels so completely strange I cant pick up the phone just to tell her I love her...


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

I just wish I knew why she has been so extremely horrible and mean, I did what she asked , she asked for space and called the first few days after, emailed a little but I got the hint very quickly, and stopped all contact. You would think she could at least be civil right ? I mean she is 30 years old and acting like a child.. but then again other than my first relationship ( 4 years) this was my first living together, other than legally speaking , seemed like a marriage. So maybe this is just how the cookie crumbles , just baffles me that I did what she asked of me, the most difficult thing , painful thing I have ever done in my life , by getting on that plane , it felt like I was knowingly walking into hell, but I would do it again for her , I would literally do anything for her, if it meant me being completely miserable, alone in pain , nearly losing my mind at times , if it took all of that so she could be happy , than so be it


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> SHe didn't really want him to leave. She wanted him to wake up & see that she was resentful over something he did, or how he was treating her. It slowly built, so he probably didn't recognize the resentment.
> 
> It was her fault for not telling him what she really wanted. He didn't get the clue that she wanted more of a relationship with him...
> 
> ...


THANK YOU DAD&HUBBY's wife for being a rational person who, when something bothers you or you want something. YOU JUST SAY IT!

This type of situation makes me want to play russian roulette and use 6 bullets.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If we could all just have our heads screwed on at least half as well as you do Dad&Hubby.... we'd all be much better off.


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