# Feeling confused



## missyfi (May 28, 2014)

I am in a near 2 year marriage with two young children.
Long story short, I have recently asked my husband to leave, after finding he had tried to flirt with some female friends of his online and going back to hiding everything on his phone and laptop. Earlier this year we went through issues similar to this. Him messaging female friends near all day every day, deleting everything, hiding laptop and phone. He moved out for about 4 days before coming home. My trust was crushed but he helped me by being open with everything. Even recently I found out a few years ago he would wait till I was asleep to get on his phone and message people then lie to me if I woke up.
This time, since him leaving he has tried to chat up lots of women on Facebook and adding everyone he knows on there because he is feeling lonely and unimportant to friends. Today was the last straw though, he flirted with a customer at work, then got her name to talk and add her on Facebook where the flirting continued.
Since leaving he has talked everyday to me. Discussing everything. Being nice but also being sexual. Saying he misses sleeping next to me, having me and just in general that he wouldn't want to do any of these things with anyone else. He says he hates how he feels and he is messed up in his mind and he needs space to sort himself out. He has said to me possibly in the future we could work, but not with how he is now. He has said he would like to still celebrate our anniversary coming up, and to still continue our family Christmas 'rituals' as he enjoys us as a family.
I am trying to be strong, but even when a I asked him to leave I didn't really want him to go. Part of me is sympathetic to him because this is so out of his character and hearing everything he has felt lately. Part of me also tells me just to let him go because it's not worth the pain, like I know he will just do the same in the future. 
I can't stand he is seeking other women but still wants to be close with me saying his words to these women are meaningless but his words to me mean a lot, but also likes to remind me we aren't together.
I do not hate him, but I don't want to hurt myself still keeping contact knowing what he is doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

It's not easy what he has been doing isn't right, you are right to feel uneasy. I would recommend that you both attend MC and work through the issues. If he won't go then get some IC that way you will be in a better place to ask for what you deserve. Be strong, stay focussed and get some help on your road.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

It is time to turn your focus onto yourself. He is in the fog and is probably already meeting up with other women.

It seems like a one size fits all solution but I believe you should do the 180 focusing on yourself and no contact (NC).

Tell him calmly and without emotion that he needs to completely stop his intaractions with other women on the web and go to MC with you.

If he says no, you will already bo on the way to your future by doing the 180.

Welcome to crazy time. I know this is confusing and painful but you need to focus on YOU and your kids.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I know it very hard for you to manage the boys and your life at the same time....but let me ask you this, have both of you been taking the time to focus on each other, given the hectic schedule you both must have before these issues came up? the reason why i ask is that you mention this is out of character for him, and i wonder if perhaps he has been seeking attention else where (believe me, this is not a statement of approval for his actions but one of trying to understand his motives)


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

But it's not out of character, because according to you he's been doing this for a long time. Your hb craves female attention and lies. That's what you have to live with. .... and of course he says it's meaningless, that's the only way he can cake eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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