# STBXW facebook



## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

She posted two memes. One about bad relationships and not suffering fools and a second about bad relationships and dealing with crazy.

Yes, it made me mad, but it isn't something I would normally let linger. My difficulty comes from the fact that all of our children are on her friend list, as well as family, and they see this. She also wants all of her old friends from high school to see her as a victim so that it makes her transition to single life easier. 

I am torn between talking to her about it and just letting her dig her own hole with the kids. I do not want to respond in kind because the tit for tat game just alienates everyone.

Anyone have experience with this type of situation?

ETA - one of the kids showed it to me, I am not "friends" with her


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Stay off her Facebook page!


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

karole said:


> Stay off her Facebook page!


One of our children brought it to my attention. I can't see, nor do I want to see, her page.


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

You could talk to her about it, but ultimately it is her decision to air all her dirty trash on FB. I would stay off her page and ask your children not to mention it to you.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Funkykatz said:


> You could talk to her about it, but ultimately it is her decision to air all her dirty trash on FB. I would stay off her page and ask your children not to mention it to you.


Yep, I am going to do that. It doesn't stop them from seeing the destructive behavior, but at least they will know I am not participating in it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do not respond. Do not engage.

It says more about her than it does about you that she feels the need to make that type of information so public.

I have never understood people who post about their break up on social media. Some things should remain private.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe there's more to this story but I don't really see the big deal, and I certainly don't see how posting something on Facebook about difficult relationships is destructive, or why you'd care.

I could give a sh!t if my ex thinks i'm crazy, or if his friends think he's a huge victim (which they do). Why do you care and why would you think you have any say in what she posts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

ah....the passive agressive FB memes. The surefire way to communicate unchallenged. If it's on the the FB, it MUST be true!!!!

Your kids have it figured out - they wouldn't be showing you otherwise. I wouldn't give it a moment of my time. Block her if you haven't already.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Maybe there's more to this story but I don't really see the big deal, and I certainly don't see how posting something on Facebook about difficult relationships is destructive, or why you'd care.
> 
> I could give a sh!t if my ex thinks i'm crazy, or if his friends think he's a huge victim (which they do). Why do you care and why would you think you have any say in what she posts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me give you six reasons:
3 kids from her first marriage - the oldest still lives with me, and all of them still refer to me as "Dad"
2 kids from my first marriage - they called her "Mom" for 14 years.
1 daughter together that is very adept at social media.

If it were just me, it would be just another irritation. But the kids all have to see her post that BS to family and friends, and friends from her HS days that used to be "beneath her".


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

I'd say let it alone. Those kids will see how you handle it maturely and hopefully learn from that. 

I've never posted about my separation or divorce on social media. Seems tacky. Glad my stbxw doesn't either. She has class at least on that. Airing laundry in public without the anonymity of something like this is just not something she and I have done, thankfully. Seems childish to post about it.

And to post memes! That's just moronic. Leave that alone.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Movealong- I don't have any experience with this particular problem, but I have what I think is a damn good solution, and I'm prepared to share it with you for the low price of..... scratch that thought.


If I found myself in your position, I think I would fill my FB page up with funny stuff. Post jokes. Post links to videos you find funny. Link clips of your favorite comedians doing their funniest jokes. 

Anybody comparing the two FB pages would see one person obsessed with negative things and another finding humor and joy in life. Finding humor and joy in life is a good way to be.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Better idea: don't post memes. They are dumb platitudes and waste of time.  Spend your time doing fun stuff in real life and forget facebook.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Both are excellent ideas, and very "doable"! Thanks!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My brother's ex does this. It's been over a year since their divorce finalized and she's still doing it.

He does not see her page but sometimes people tell him because they think she's nuts. 

People who put stuff like that out on facebook, playing the victim, really don't look that good to most who are subjected to their pity party.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> My brother's ex does this. It's been over a year since their divorce finalized and she's still doing it.
> 
> He does not see her page but sometimes people tell him because they think she's nuts.
> 
> People who put stuff like that out on facebook, playing the victim, really don't look that good to most who are subjected to their pity party.


The funny thing, to me, is that I have been posting "forgiveness" memes and I have continued to post the funny memes I find. The difference between us is that even though I am an alcoholic, I was well adjusted in knowing who I was even when I was drinking. The only difference now is that I am finding out how to incorporate that without the drinking. Going to AA has really helped me understand myself even more. She quit the program of AlAnon when she got to step 4 - the moral inventory - and then subsequently quit the marriage. Until, and unless, she gets help she will always be a vicitim. I think most people will recognize that. And since her step mother has been sober for 25 years, I know she already recognizes it as does her dad.

It is out of my control, but it does make me feel bad for her. The kids see the difference.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Ah, Facebook bashing. I have some experience in this. 

My exwife divorced me. Found out later that she had been having an emotional affair for two years prior to her filing. 

I moved on. Started dating a great woman - we've been dating for a year now. Girlfriend posts a lot of pictures of us. 

Started hearing through the grapevine that XW didn't like it. Started calling my GF and wh0re amongst many other things. 

Then she posted an article about abuse. Said no one should have to live like that and anyone who was could talk to her about it because she had lived it. 

Made me mad at first but then realized that no one that knew me would believe it and those that didn't know me don't matter. 

I did not retaliate. 

End story is that everyone thinks she's even crazier now than ever. 

Ignore it.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

My daughter came to me last night and asked me to deactivate her account. She's 11 years old. She didn't want to see the negativity and deal with the BS, so she very calmly told me "I don't want a Facebook". So, I deactivated it for her. This morning I followed her example. I deactivated my Facebook. I am doing my best to forgive and move on. My biggest hurdle is the kids. They see the crap that is posted. It really hurts that the two who considered her, and called her, "Mom" are now just ex-kids. It hurts me more for them than it hurts me that she is being this way. They loved her and grew up with her as "Mom", now the bashing is causing them grief on top of the divorce. 

It just sucks.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

What does your sponsor say?


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Arendt said:


> What does your sponsor say?


Work the steps, pray, go to meetings and do NOT be the same in return. The kids are seeing this.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Ugh! DD#3 came to me and asked about the tripe STBXW posted on her Facebook. An 11 year old should not have to deal with this, and honestly, I do not know what to say.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

I bet they have dealt with worse.

You don't know for sure what it is about, but it is probably about all the pain and hurt she is going through still over the marriage breakdown. You daughter gets that. Why not say that. And that you are dealing with things by focusing on the good things in life.

Definitely don't trash talk your ex or in your mind start taking her iinventory. You had a role in the marriage breakdown. 

They'll survive it man.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

GOod points, and good advice.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I deleted my FB over a month ago and DO NOT MISS IT!

Honestly, the people whom you are supposed to keep in touch with will keep in touch.

Screw the rest. The drama is so stupid and people are so fake on there.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

It can be useful for keeping in touch with long distance friends and acquaintances. I've also sold paintings through there. 

But if all folks are using it for is to post slogans and dumb photos with slogans on them, then it is a waste of time. If you have lots of people from traveling and school and whatnot, it can be useful though.

I was at a concert last night and somehow my credit card fell out of my pocket. This was at a metal concert and I was right next to the pit. Some guy taps me on the shoulder and says, are you (my name) and I was freaked out...but he had looked me up on Facebook and I was right in front of him and he gave it back. Glad I had that account  Glad that man was honest.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

I wish my work didn't require me to have a FB and Twitter.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

FaceBook is simply PC Group Therapy or for attention-seeking individuals.....


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I deleted my FB some time ago. Don't need all that drama. Don't miss it one bit!


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

I have a twitter account that I have been on maybe 10 times. It is not worth it. Never did MySpace, but i have a lot of friends from around the world on Facebook. I hate to lose the daily interaction with them,but seeing all the crap about the ex makes it so that i don't even want to log in to check on other people.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

If you don't want to see a facebook friends post, go to their wall and hit the unfollow button on their cover photo. It's not unfriending or blocking, but none of their posts show up in your newsfeed. 

I've done this with a few people who are in my family but post stupid stuff all day long. If you ever want to see what they've posted, you can go to their wall and see what you've missed. If anything. 

No one has to delete their accounts or unfriend anyone if they don't want to, they just don't see the unwelcome posts.


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

I so struggle with this. I hate that I can see some parts of my EX GF page and the pictures of them together, pics my kids drew for them about how much they love each other and posts she made when he left me for her. It hurts and it is rude and disrespectful on their end to do that but I can't control it. I have tried to deactivate my account and always end up back on it. It is like a drug to me ... but I hope that this passes. 

I can say, that outside of one post about my marriage ending, which was positive and not negative at all, I haven't slammed my EX. When I found out about the OW #1, I did post something about someone cheating and my EX flipped out but since then, I haven't done anything spiteful or vengeful on my FB. I have wanted to, so many times but I just can't. If I really feel the need to post anything or share any sort of posts, then I share it on my page to where it is locked and only I can refer back to it.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

I think #2 of the Four Agreements is applicable here:

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

*2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.*

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

I've seen you reference this several times. I just bought it for my kindle app. I am going to start reading it tomorrow.



ThreeStrikes said:


> I think #2 of the Four Agreements is applicable here:
> 
> The Four Agreements are:
> 
> ...


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

I read the book. I am trying to implement it in my life. So far, so good.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

This is not limited to Facebook. It also happens in email, texts, phone conversations, at lunch, at GNOs and so on. And trashing by your STBX can be frustrating even though most will see it for what it is. But some of her friends who may have been your friends will take it and run. Add some fuel to the fire. And that is frustrating. But there is nothing to be done about it. People will be who they are. All you can do is recognize them for who they are.


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