# Should I press my daughter to visit her other parent?



## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

She rarely goes to visit my ex. Most of the time there is something else going on locally and she wants to stay here. The ex doesn't push for her to visit, so I don't either. But I feel like both of them are missing out. 

First world problems, right? I get my daughter 95% of the time and I worry. LOL!


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

I think so, for the sake of your ex. S/he is probably pretty bummed about it.

I take it your ex lives relatively far away so your daughter can't carry on "business as usual" when she visits him/her?


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

How old is kiddo? As my daughter got older we went a more ala carte route from our original 50/50 to accommodate her whims when it came to hanging with friends, school projects, etc.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> How old is kiddo? As my daughter got older we went a more ala carte route from our original 50/50 to accommodate her whims when it came to hanging with friends, school projects, etc.


12 y/o - 6th grade

4/30 is the one year anniversary of the physical/geographic split.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I have always tried to stay out of their relationship. I don't feel it is my place or responsibility. I have always encouraged my kids to talk to and have a relationship with their mom but they rarely see or talk to her. Ex has complained about it but I'm not willing or going to force them to. I feel it is up to them - not me.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

How far away does your ex live?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yes, you should!

We sometimes have to press our kids to visit grandma and call aunt Jane. They don't want to, it's no fun to visit grandma. 

Tough! You're doing it because this is your mother and its important to have a good relationship with her. 

"But she hardly pays attention to me." 
"Then you should talk to her about it."
"She won't even listen."
"Then you have to keep telling her in different ways."

It's not your job to fix their relationship but it is your job to ensure they see each other often enough to be able to fix the relationship in their own.

Yes, make your kids stay in touch with the people who are an important part of their lives. Might not be a super fun relationship, but hey, they all need to have something to be pissed about... 

I like to tell my kids..."Fine, make sure you put it in your book about what a lousy parent I was. But you're doing it!"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She is a 6th grader? Yep, you encourage her to visit her father. There will come a time in her life when a good relationship with her father will be important. 

Why doesn't he do more to try to spend time with her?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> She is a 6th grader? Yep, you encourage her to visit her father. There will come a time in her life when a good relationship with her father will be important.
> 
> Why doesn't he do more to try to spend time with her?


I think it is the mother the girl does not want to see.


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## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

Press? No way!

Discuss your view of it's importance with your wife and daughter? 

Probably and in that order. 

If your wife is not into it, maybe you should spare your daughter so she doesn't get hurt. Not sure on that part. Maybe others can help with that piece of it


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

No, You don't push your child to visit the ex. You push your ex to be an involved parent.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

At 12 I wouldn't say "push" rather "encourage" both of them to come together and foster a good relationship. The other parent needs to be exercising their parenting time. You should also be vigilant to not put off any negative vibes about your ex or your daughter spending time with her other parent. Not that I think you are. But sometimes a little self-reflection on that can be a good thing, even if it's to reassure yourself you're not a negative factor.

How far away is your ex-wife? What sort of parenting time did you two settle on?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yes, you should encourage her. She will never be resentful or feel you tried to come between them if you actively suggest a relationship with her mother. You don't need to force her, just suggest it. 

Young people don't have the maturity to make the decision to cut someone out of their lives unless that person isn't healthy for them to be around. So unless you feel it would emotionally damage her to be around her mother, then it doesn't hurt to suggest it. Some day she may be thankful you directed her to take a high road and maintain a relationship of some sort. When she's older she can adjust her level of interest based on her mother's reciprocation.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Depends on what the father is doing.

My sister let / gave permission / whatever you want to call it to my nieces that they didn't have to visit their father.

I was told that he was unreliable and his second wife (his assitant at his medical practice and erswhile babysitter when their parents were still together) wasn't that niceto them anyway.

I offered them a psychic reading once. They wrote extensivenotes and refused to show it to me. My sister later told me that their father went into their personal items and found the notes. They had asked questions like "was the second wife the cause of the breakup between their parents." Their father was enraged.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Why doesn't she want to? Is this an active dislike of being with her mother? Is it related to blaming her mom for the divorce? Or is it she has stuff at home which she really likes to do, which seems better than going to visit mom?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The daughter is 12 and unless there are allegations of abuse in some form, she should be pressed to go. This means you calmly but firmly tell her she is going. Unless she throws an absolutel hissy fit, you keep repeating the calm fact that she is going to visit Mom.

By the time people divorce, there is generally some serious acrimony and conscious or not, the parent is secretly glad the child is rejecting the other parent.

But ask yourselves this: if you were still married would you tolerate the child openly rejecting the other parent?

Divorce can cause a child to pick sides when previously the child wanted both parents. This isn't healthy for the child.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Since tweens are so locked into their social group, her reasons to not go may have nothing to do with either parent.

However, who is to say she can't bring a friend with her?

How far is the distance to travel?


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## susanna (Apr 29, 2015)

I wouldn't push her either but encourage her, I think the relationship to (both) parents is important. Maybe you can also encourage your ex to see his/her daughter more often.


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