# Wife won't lose belly



## GIwonderwhy

What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating. 

She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"

Another example. This morning I told her maybe stop eating bread because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"

Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!

Things like that. 

So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.


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## In Absentia

GIwonderwhy said:


> I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while.


Are you going to tell your wife about the prostitute?


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## VladDracul

How big of a belly are you talking about? If you'd rather stick your pecker where other guys have just unloaded than in a nice clean beaver waiting to wrap around you, it must be one hell of an unattractive belly.


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## blahfridge

You're right. Just hire a prostitute and that'll solve your problem. Be sure to tell you wife first though. That way she can kick your self-centered *** to the curb and find someone who appreciates her, belly and all.


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## Andy1001

Op your name is an anagram of Leghorn. 
As in Foghorn Leghorn.


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## 00buck

I’d bet Your badgering her is having negative effects towards your goal and the marriage in general. 

If and when she decides she wants to make whatever changes she sees fit for her happiness is the day she might stick to some alternative eating habits.

From what I’ve read on these boards you are turning her into prime bait for any prowling man looking for someone to charm into bed. 
Negative attention at home, positive attention from elsewhere, you could be left in the dust. 

Treat her like the queen you want her to be, or someone else will. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## GIwonderwhy

00buck said:


> I’d bet Your badgering her is having negative effects towards your goal and the marriage in general.
> 
> If and when she decides she wants to make whatever changes she sees fit for her happiness is the day she might stick to some alternative eating habits.
> 
> From what I’ve read on these boards you are turning her into prime bait for any prowling man looking for someone to charm into bed.
> Negative attention at home, positive attention from elsewhere, you could be left in the dust.
> 
> Treat her like the queen you want her to be, or someone else will.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Good advice man. Thanks. You're right.


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## pastasauce79

Yeah, hire a prostitute, get an STD and you'll be the one with a monkey on your back forever. Try and lose that huge weight! 

I wonder why your wife puts up with you and your disrespect! 

You sound like a very loving husband. SMH...


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## WandaJ

With your lectures, she will eat the damn bread just to spite you.
leave it. You wan’t her loose weight? Cook healthy dinner for both of you, clean tge pantry from all the unhealthy foods. When she is working out, praise her, tell her something supportive.
positive reinforcement has way more power than nagging.

damn, she may want to keep that belly just to keep you away. Nagging partner is not a sexy partner.


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## GIwonderwhy

blahfridge said:


> You're right. Just hire a prostitute and that'll solve your problem. Be sure to tell you wife first though. That way she can kick your self-centered *** to the curb and find someone who appreciates her, belly and all.


I know I sound like a ****. I'm actually the nicest friendliest person. I'm just being completely honest here because It's anonymous. You think I'll actually tell her this stuff? Even when I try to make a little suggestion I try to find the nicest way possible to say it. And if I can't find a nice way I just bottle it up. So I'm supposed to ignore the fact that a belly is unattractive in order to not be self centered?


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## sokillme

First off your wife is not a doll. The attitude of this post shows that that is how you think of her, with this attitude it's not going to work out well for you.


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## GIwonderwhy

WandaJ said:


> With your lectures, she will eat the damn bread just to spite you.
> leave it. You wan’t her loose weight? Cook healthy dinner for both of you, clean tge pantry from all the unhealthy foods. When she is working out, praise her, tell her something supportive.
> positive reinforcement has way more power than nagging.
> 
> damn, she may want to keep that belly just to keep you away. Nagging partner is not a sexy partner.


I don't nag. Not at all. I try to motivate. And everything you said as far as encouraging, I do all those things. The problem is she's just lying about what she's eating. And I don't want to be mean and tell her that.


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## GIwonderwhy

pastasauce79 said:


> Yeah, hire a prostitute, get an STD and you'll be the one with a monkey on your back forever. Try and lose that huge weight!
> 
> I wonder why your wife puts up with you and your disrespect!
> 
> You sound like a very loving husband. SMH...


Lol you're right about the prostitute. But you're wrong about disrespect. I never disrespect her ever. I wouldn't even be on this forum if I told her what I'm saying here. I would be in an argument right now. I've never cheated on her


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## GIwonderwhy

VladDracul said:


> How big of a belly are you talking about? If you'd rather stick your pecker where other guys have just unloaded than in a nice clean beaver waiting to wrap around you, it must be one hell of an unattractive belly.


Yeah thats true. I guess I just needed a wakeup call


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## pastasauce79

GIwonderwhy said:


> I never disrespect her ever.


A husband thinking about hiring a prostitute sounds very respectful.


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## GIwonderwhy

pastasauce79 said:


> A husband thinking about hiring a prostitute sounds very respectful.


"Thinking".


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## Livvie

Gross. 

What do YOU look like?

Do women flirt with you? How's your muscle tone? Skin quality? Hair, thinning? Balls hanging low? Are you a perfect specimen?


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## Bluesclues

GIwonderwhy said:


> "Thinking".


I would kick my husband out for just thinking about it. If he considered for a second that a diseased prostitute with meth sores was a better alternative to looking at my gut, i would save him the angst.


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## WandaJ

GIwonderwhy said:


> I don't nag. Not at all. I try to motivate. And everything you said as far as encouraging, I do all those things. The problem is she's just lying about what she's eating. And I don't want to be mean and tell her that.


When y


GIwonderwhy said:


> I don't nag. Not at all. I try to motivate. And everything you said as far as encouraging, I do all those things. The problem is she's just lying about what she's eating. And I don't want to be mean and tell her that.


believe me, you DO NOT MOTIVATE. 
Telling someone what to eat is not motivating. Do you think she doesn’t know what has a lot of calories, and you need to tell her? She knows. 
the more you tell her what to eat, the more oppositional she’ll become because she will feel shamed. 
and shame makes you eat more to forget about the shame


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## GIwonderwhy

Livvie said:


> Gross.
> 
> What do YOU look like?
> 
> Do women flirt with you? How's your muscle tone? Skin quality? Hair, thinning? Balls hanging low? Are you a perfect specimen?


When I tell you, you won't believe me anyways. 
I'm not the most attractive but I'm not the least either.
My muscles tone is great. Skin quality great. Bald. Balls hanging low? Um I don't worry about that because I'm 8 and a half inches long and thick. And circumcised. Some women flirt with me but not alot. I don't associate with women unless at work. The only woman I talk to on a daily basis is my wife. No female friends.


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## GIwonderwhy

WandaJ said:


> When y
> 
> believe me, you DO NOT MOTIVATE.
> Telling someone what to eat is not motivating. Do you think she doesn’t know what has a lot of calories, and you need to tell her? She knows.
> the more you tell her what to eat, the more oppositional she’ll become because she will feel shamed.
> and shame makes you eat more to forget about the shame


Ok that's fair point. Through all your disgust I can still recognize when right is right. So I'll definitely take those words seriously.


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## hairyhead

Two bits of advice.

Do it together. You eat what she eats. That way you stand a chance of encouraging her.

Write EVERYTHING you eat down and count the calories. You both have to be absolutely honest.

We use the same app on our phones and do the daily diary together. There are several be available.

Sent from my CPH2159 using Tapatalk


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## hamadryad

Nothing you could do to change it will help...She has to want to do it for herself, and that's about all there is to it...Even bringing healthy food into the house and throwing away the junk won't work...People will do what they do...it won't matter...she'll find a way...until she sees its worth it to change...Probably the only motivation she will have(that has anything to do with you) is if she sees other women coming after you....or she wants to leave you...

Agree with the poster that commented about your own appearance...I have no qualms with anyone wanting a physical type in a partner or gets upset if their partner let themselves go, but if you want to do the talking, you better have done the walking....


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## WandaJ

GIwonderwhy said:


> Ok that's fair point. Through all your disgust I can still recognize when right is right. So I'll definitely take those words seriously.


Oh she knows what’s right. This is not her problem.
The only person who can make her lose weight is her. She needs to grow into it. Right now you are getting in her way, making it harder with your attitude. 
it’s not disgust. I am telling you this from position of your wife.


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## GIwonderwhy

GIwonderwhy said:


> Ok that's fair point. Through all your disgust I can still recognize when right is right. So I'll definitely take those words seriously.





Bluesclues said:


> I would kick my husband out for just thinking about it. If he considered for a second that a diseased prostitute with meth sores was a better alternative to looking at my gut, i would save him the angst.


I only said it in this way because I thought this was the Men's Lounge. You'd never know everything a man thinks about your husband included. What matters is acting upon those thoughts.


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## GIwonderwhy

VladDracul said:


> How big of a belly are you talking about? If you'd rather stick your pecker where other guys have just unloaded than in a nice clean beaver waiting to wrap around you, it must be one hell of an unattractive belly.


These are the types of answers I was expecting in this lounge lol. Appreciated. No its definitely not that bad. Far from it


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## DownByTheRiver

GIwonderwhy said:


> What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating.
> 
> She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"
> 
> Another example. This morning I told her maybe stop eating bread because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"
> 
> Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.


If she's got a brain in her head, she'll lose you if you get a prostitute and also if you don't shut up about her belly. Your thoughts and actions don't reflect real love. Waaaaanh, what about my penis? 🙄 That's what they reflect.


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## blahfridge

GIwonderwhy said:


> I know I sound like a ****. I'm actually the nicest friendliest person. I'm just being completely honest here because It's anonymous. You think I'll actually tell her this stuff? Even when I try to make a little suggestion I try to find the nicest way possible to say it. And if I can't find a nice way I just bottle it up. So I'm supposed to ignore the fact that a belly is unattractive in order to not be self centered?


Do you have children? Having babies can make it really challenging for many women to lose belly fat.
Best thing to do is work on changing your thinking. Buy her a sexy corset that accentuates her curves. Tell her she’s beautiful and sexy and believe it.


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## Diana7

GIwonderwhy said:


> What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating.
> 
> She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"
> 
> Another example. This morning I told her maybe stop eating bread because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"
> 
> Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.


You think that having sex with a prostitute just because your wife has a stomach is justified? It's not and I hope she finds out what a disgusting man you are.


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## GIwonderwhy

blahfridge said:


> Do you have children? Having babies can make it really challenging for many women to lose belly fat.
> Best thing to do is work on changing your thinking. Buy her a sexy corset that accentuates her curves. Tell her she’s beautiful and sexy and believe it.


Will do. No we don't have children yet. Yeah exactly, change thinking, that's best and most logical option. We really don't have any problems, our marriage is great. Probably my mind just finding a way to take things for granted


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## Diana7

GIwonderwhy said:


> I only said it in this way because I thought this was the Men's Lounge. You'd never know everything a man thinks about your husband included. What matters is acting upon those thoughts.


Thankfully some of us have decent husbands who love us as we are and dont cheat just because we may not look 20 any more.


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## Diana7

GIwonderwhy said:


> Will do. No we don't have children yet. Yeah exactly, change thinking, that's best and most logical option. We really don't have any problems, our marriage is great. Probably my mind just finding a way to take things for granted


If you watch porn then stop. Porn gives men totally unrealistic expectations.


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## frenchpaddy

this is as bad as not having sex with a man with long fingernails ,
or not having sex with a woman that shaved her head 
most wifes and husbands can see past the outside image 
my wife has a not the body of a 22 year old but any damage was a result of our two kids


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## Anastasia6

GIwonderwhy said:


> What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating.
> 
> *She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home*. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"
> 
> Another example. This morning *I told her maybe stop eating bread* because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"
> 
> Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just *hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while*. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.





GIwonderwhy said:


> Will do. No we don't have children yet. Yeah exactly, change thinking, that's best and most logical option. *We really don't have any problems, our marriage is great*. Probably my mind just finding a way to take things for granted


So No you don't love her and no you don't have a great marriage. You are literally thinking about a prostitute due to her belly. Yet when asked you haven't bothered to answer just how big is the hideous belly?

First it is obvious you are 'saying' things to her. You may think they are all very nice and such but I assure you women can tell when you are having these thoughts about our body and diet. Hell most of us have body issues and worry about it even when our husbands aren't making sly little comments. Further 90% of communication isn't what you say. So your actions/reactions and little remarks have probably not fallen on deaf ears. 

Losing weight for some are easy for others not so much but you are undermining her and your marriage. I'd like to echo that you are setting her up for feelings of resentment which can lead to less sex, being vulnerable to someone who will accept her as is and to look closer at your flaws. You maybe 8.5 inches (who the **** cares) but you don't seem like a very good husband.

Some of the nicest guys to the rest of the world are some of the hardest people to live with at home.

*So how is big is this belly?*

And you seem to have some real issues with connecting sex to marriage and feelings. Women like to feel connected to men they have sex with. The very thought that you think getting a prostitute a even joking possibility gives a very deep insight into your attitudes about sex and women. For many women this would be a deal breaker if they knew their husbands even thought like this. You see it means what she gives you isn't special to you at all.


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## moulinyx

I hope the prostitute bit was a joke. I can’t imagine living in fear that my husband will bang a sex worker if I gain weight.

If she’s truly having a hard time losing weight, encourage her to get bloodwork done. And please, for the love of god, don’t start with the carb talk. Weight loss for women requires balanced macros. She needs carbs, protein, and HEALTHY fats. Don’t spout of weird comment like “don’t eat bread because of carbs“….that’s absolute nonsense and will not give her sustained weight loss.


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## lifeistooshort

I love how you assume that a prostitute with the body you're looking for will be readily available.

Hope you have a lot of money....those women have access to wealthy men.

As far as your wife, nothing is worse for a marriage when one spouse acts like a parent or the police. Why exactly does she have to be accountable to you for what she eats during the day? Are you her husband or her paid trainer?

And while it's reasonable to ask your spouse to keep themselves (assuming you keep yourself) life and age changes everyone's body shape, and it will change yours too. If that isn't something you can deal with then divorce your wife and try for a model who has a ton of options, many of whom are probably more desirable then you.

That last comment wasn't meant to sound as snarky as it probably did, it's just the reality of the dating pool. The best bodied people have the most options so unless you're a 9-10 or have a lot of money it's going to be hard to get one. Even if you could what happens when you get some middle aged softness and she no longer finds you appealing? Life happens.

If you love your wife and wish to be married to her then stop nagging and being the diet police. Cook healthy meals, model healthy behavior, and do physical things with her. But understand that her body type is what it is so there's a limit.


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## pastasauce79

GIwonderwhy said:


> When I tell you, you won't believe me anyways.
> I'm not the most attractive but I'm not the least either.
> My muscles tone is great. Skin quality great. Bald. Balls hanging low? Um I don't worry about that because I'm 8 and a half inches long and thick. And circumcised. Some women flirt with me but not alot. I don't associate with women unless at work. The only woman I talk to on a daily basis is my wife. No female friends.


She could find a man with a 6 and a half inches long and thick who won't mind her gut and won't be thinking about a prostitute. 

How big is she anyway? 

I'm all about being healthy and having a healthy weight, but that is something your wife has to do on her own. You can't force anybody to lose belly fat or weight.


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## Al_Bundy

Your situation shows a major flaw in marriage for men. Right now you have zero leverage.

Your only way to "motivate" her is to make her fear losing you. Sound f'ed up? So what, welcome to human nature. You said your muscle tone is good, ok, you need to gain 20lbs of muscle and increase your income by at least 50%. First off, forget her and just think how awesome those two things would be. Now, back to her, she will see your value has gone up and chances are so will other women. Other women who aren't running around with a fupa or beer belly. At that point if she doesn't care enough then you will know you exactly where you stand and will be in a better position to upgrade if you so choose. Best of luck.


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## VladDracul

pastasauce79 said:


> She could find a man with a 6 and a half inches long and thick who won't mind her gut and won't be thinking about a prostitute.


Plus I think if/when you check with the ladies, most are pretty happy with the package they have at home.


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## ccpowerslave

This post is just sad.

My wife today was telling me she feels fat and is sad she can’t lose weight. I’m like honey did you see the boner I had yesterday morning that thing was rock solid. Don’t worry about it. Please eat the hamburger you look 10/10 for me.

Going to see a prostitute? Bleh... 🤮


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## lifeistooshort

VladDracul said:


> Plus I think if/when you check with the ladies, most are pretty happy with the package they have at home.


Correct. As long as a guy is somewhere in average range most of us are quite happy. In my limited experience, which has included a few of different sizes, it doesn't matter.


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## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> Correct. As long as a guy is somewhere in average range most of us are quite happy. In my limited experience, which has included a few of different sizes, it doesn't matter.


There are women out there known as “size queens”. I am not packing that downstairs so it does make me curious. I have received some helpful PMs from members here about how to give your lady the size queen experience like Coke can girth. I am still debating it, I honestly don’t think it will move the needle.


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## lifeistooshort

ccpowerslave said:


> This post is just sad.
> 
> My wife today was telling me she feels fat and is sad she can’t lose weight. I’m like honey did you see the boner I had yesterday morning that thing was rock solid. Don’t worry about it. Please eat the hamburger you look 10/10 for me.
> 
> Going to see a prostitute? Bleh... 🤮



Right? My bf is in grear shape and watches his diet carefully (he's got type 1 diabetes so he has to).

But he's in his 50's and has a small middle aged paunch. I could give a ****....I think he's sexy as hell. Sometimes he'll comment on it and I'll tell him the only one who notices or cares is him and I'm serious.

I have a pretty flat stomach but I also have 2 sons and some stretch marks...nobody's perfect. I don't want a fatty since I'm not one but I can't imagine caring about stupid stuff like that. Sounds like a sad way to live.


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## lifeistooshort

ccpowerslave said:


> There are women out there known as “size queens”. I am not packing that downstairs so it does make me curious. I have received some helpful PMs from members here about how to give your lady the size queen experience like Coke can girth. I am still debating it, I honestly don’t think it will move the needle.



I guess so, but to me they're like these mystical man hating creatures I hear about. I'm sure they exist but I've never met one, and I've had a lot of women friends who I've had personal conversations with.


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## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> Right? My bf is in grear shape and watches his diet carefully (he's got type 1 diabetes so he has to).
> 
> But he's in his 50's and has a small middle aged paunch. I could give a ****....I think he's sexy as hell. Sometimes he'll comment on it and I'll tell him the only one who notices or cares is him and I'm serious.
> 
> I have a pretty flat stomach but I also have 2 sons and some stretch marks...nobody's perfect. I don't want a fatty since I'm not one but I can't imagine caring about stupid stuff like that. Sounds like a sad way to live.


True!

I was watching TV and my wife just came in. She’s looking for her black swim suit as we’re going to the beach in a week. Anyway the last time she wore this suit in a hot tub I couldn’t keep my hands off her and we were at it within 5 minutes.

So she has been searching the house for the magic swimsuit and she comes in and she’s wearing Under Armor pants. I’m like hey what pants are those? Do a little spin for me. HOT!!!!!!

Basically I’m just into it. That’s it I want to hit it!


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## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> I guess so, but to me they're like these mystical man hating creatures I hear about. I'm sure they exist but I've never met one, and I've had a lot of women friends who I've had personal conversations with.


I don’t know if I have met one. I mean talking about penis size with women is kind of not that normal for a guy.

The main thing for me is could my wife have an A spot orgasm? I don’t know.

I have maybe hit her cervix when she is warmed up a few times from the right angle but I can’t do it with regularity. When I did it she says “ugh”. However I think I did it the other day as I felt it and no “ugh”. So it gets me to thinking for her if I was big enough could it happen?

Maybe... 🤔


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## bobert

ccpowerslave said:


> I have maybe hit her cervix when she is warmed up a few times from the right angle but I can’t do it with regularity. When I did it she says “ugh”. However I think I did it the other day as I felt it and no “ugh”. So it gets me to thinking for her if I was big enough could it happen?


...why do you want to hit her cervix though? It's not a very comfortable thing for the woman. It's also kind of annoying for the guy, in my experience at least.


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## ccpowerslave

bobert said:


> ...why do you want to hit her cervix though? It's not a very comfortable thing for the woman. It's also kind of annoying for the guy, in my experience at least.


I listened to too many podcasts about “A spot” orgasms.


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## lifeistooshort

ccpowerslave said:


> True!
> 
> I was watching TV and my wife just came in. She’s looking for her black swim suit as we’re going to the beach in a week. Anyway the last time she wore this suit in a hot tub I couldn’t keep my hands off her and we were at it within 5 minutes.
> 
> So she has been searching the house for the magic swimsuit and she comes in and she’s wearing Under Armor pants. I’m like hey what pants are those? Do a little spin for me. HOT!!!!!!
> 
> Basically I’m just into it. That’s it I want to hit it!


I think when you're really into someone you don't care about some imperfections. We all have our limits....if my bf gained 50 pounds I'd be unhappy. Even if in an ideal world you might change some things small imperfections aren't going to affect attraction when you're into someone. I really don't think I'd be more attracted to my bf if he didn't have that little paunch because I want him so much now. I tell him to do what makes him happy that way.

But according to OP her body is pretty good beyond some paunch yet he's starting to lose attraction. That tells me he's not that into her.

Or he's watching too much porn.


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## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> I think when you're really into someone you don't care about some imperfections. We all have our limits....


That’s true. I mean she maintains herself within a range that I like. I am getting jacked and she likes that, especially arms. While she was looking for her suit she found some black Hurley boardshorts I had and she’s like hey check these out. So I dropped trou in the living room and put them on and she was like yes those make the cut they’re going on the trip.

I agree if you’re into the person then there is a range that works. For my wife it is pretty large like +/- 40 lbs all those weights I have been in the yes please camp.


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## Casual Observer

GIwonderwhy said:


> Lol you're right about the prostitute. But you're wrong about disrespect. I never disrespect her ever. I wouldn't even be on this forum if I told her what I'm saying here. I would be in an argument right now. I've never cheated on her


Do you believe your wife loves you? Does she see sex as something intimate that she desires to share only with her husband? If so, and you've let her know you find her body repulsive (which is what you've done, whether you believe that or not), if you've lead her to believe that you would rather be having sex or be seen with someone other than her because she's not as pretty as you'd like...

... then I really can't imagine something more disrespectful of her than what you've been thinking and what you've actually told her.

Eating & weight issues are more complex than you'd like to believe. She may NEVER be able to lose that "belly" but yet she could still likely be a wonderful person and wife. 

Oh, just so you know, it can take a very long time from when you start to work out to when you lose weight. You can actually gain weight at the beginning. If she continues to eat as she has been, but gets in better shape through working out, maybe she'll never lose weight, but she's going to feel a lot better about herself when she recognizes what she does have control over (getting in shape by taking time to exercise) vs what she can't (your attitude and perhaps her eating). 

If, aside from this belly thing and her not meeting your ideas about diet, she's a wonderful person... others have said it already. Someone else is going to treat her like that wonderful person she is.


----------



## MattMatt

lifeistooshort said:


> I guess so, but to me they're like these mystical man hating creatures I hear about. I'm sure they exist but I've never met one, and I've had a lot of women friends who I've had personal conversations with.


I worked with a woman who professed to being a size queen. From happily married to homeless within four years, is how that went.


----------



## MattMatt

Let's keep it classy, folks.


----------



## frusdil

When I cried to my husband that I felt fat and gross due some weight gain, do you know what his response was? The first words out of his mouth were how much he loves me, followed by "How can I help? What can I do?". I lost the weight.

You do realise that all women have a bump on their belly, it's literally our uterus.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

ccpowerslave said:


> There are women out there known as “size queens”. I am not packing that downstairs so it does make me curious. I have received some helpful PMs from members here about how to give your lady the size queen experience like Coke can girth. I am still debating it, I honestly don’t think it will move the needle.


I've only known one size queen. All women are built different. It kind of makes me chuckle when people talk about penis size in terms of length and inches because the few women I know well enough to talk about that kind of thing care more about girth, and length can even get in the way and prohibit traction. And not all women care about girth. The thing is if a man knows what to do with his hands, it makes up for any deficits. If a man is small he should be giving attention to the clitoris when possible during intercourse, or the woman can do that herself. That's still the ground zero. If a man is built just right to your body and maybe has a little girth but isn't too long then sometimes it can give you traction and clitoris contact, but because of the shapes that's not often the case anyway, which is why it just doesn't matter that much. And no one I know likes extreme length or extreme girth. Coke and girth would be a big no to everyone I know. I knew one guy like that briefly and we couldn't even do it.


----------



## Anastasia6

Still waiting on the size of this belly.

Either we are talking a little 10 pound thing or my 400 pound life. I’m betting this whole fuss and resentment building behavior is just a few pounds.

read no more mister nice guy.


----------



## *Deidre*

Be careful what you think, because thoughts eventually become actions, and actions eventually become habits. Not judging you, to be honest...just saying, that most men wouldn't even think of considering a prostitute, simply because their wives need to lose some weight. That says more than it being about your wife's belly weight. I think you should just spend quality time together, and cherish her for all the positive attributes. I echo the others about doing it together, maybe that will help. I hope things work out.


----------



## bobsmith

Sorry OP, I didn't make it through all the replies and sounds like mostly women attacking you. I have done a tremendous amount of work in the health/nutrition area mostly for myself but I do help others. I am not going to go into all the details here but you need to learn and understand (actually her) one single word.....Satiation. Here is what most people do, they get hungry because they are on this "diet", and eventually the cravings win. You body will continue to be hungry unless being fed the calories and nutrients is needs. That is rarely in chips and cupcakes! I'd nearly guarantee you if you can get her to .8-1.0 grams per lb of body weight in protein every day, many problems would go away. 

As well, I think you will need to find another angle to feed this information to her. She is going to resent it coming from you, but magically if she hears the exact same damn thing from a friend or "trainer", then the value goes up. 

Also learn about fat! It does NOT kill you and the government has lied about this for decades. Anyone trying to follow a "low fat" diet will fail! You body needs it and will continue to crave it.....


----------



## aine

blahfridge said:


> Do you have children? Having babies can make it really challenging for many women to lose belly fat.
> Best thing to do is work on changing your thinking. Buy her a sexy corset that accentuates her curves. Tell her she’s beautiful and sexy and believe it.


In addition it depends on what age she is. Some people gather belly fat when they hit their 50s. It is nothing to do with diet per se more to do with change in hormones.


----------



## CountryMike

Anastasia6 said:


> Still waiting on the size of this belly.
> 
> Either we are talking a little 10 pound thing or my 400 pound life. I’m betting this whole fuss and resentment building behavior is just a few pounds.
> 
> read no more mister nice guy.


OP, what's her height and weight?


----------



## In Absentia

I'm not sure wanting to know how big is the belly is going to help here...


----------



## frenchpaddy

In Absentia said:


> I'm not sure wanting to know how big is the belly is going to help here...


we would have to elect a jury to say what is the norm and how much over the norm one can go , 
all so we would need to know if the OP is within the norm for men , 
or is it a case of the pot calling black bottom 
do as i say not as i do


----------



## Anastasia6

In Absentia said:


> I'm not sure wanting to know how big is the belly is going to help here...


Well might help. The fact that he’s thinking of a Prostitute and doesn’t initiate sex. Well that seems extreme. So if she’s extremely fat then perhaps this reaction is more warranted. But if we a talking a few pounds then this makes me wonder if as alluded to before by someone else he maybe viewing too much porn.

perhaps he is polluting his mind with images of ‘perfect’ woman.

maybe he isn’t and he truly isn’t attracted to a loving warm bodied woman who seem to really want sex with him. I guess that’s normal.
If true he should set her free. If she’s having trouble now at a young age and he’s unattractive then it will only get worse over time and children.

the best best would have been to love it off her. Now she’s most likely caught on which will undermine her and build resentment.

Also birth control can really effect things and lead to weight gain. Is she on the pill?


----------



## In Absentia

Anastasia6 said:


> Well might help.


Maybe. But I believe that any belly of any size and shape would be off putting for the OP. He just doesn't like it. I'm not sure there is a solution to the "problem".


----------



## hinterdir

GIwonderwhy said:


> What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating.
> 
> She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"
> 
> Another example. This morning I told her maybe stop eating bread because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"
> 
> Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.



A prostitute. That is disgusting. Paying some woman for sex......she's probably been with 500 different men. 
People that see hookers give men a bad name. 
Repulsive. 

The belly/weight. Just be honest. 
Tell her you find it unattractive, would she be willing to exercise with you and adjust eating a bit and get in better shape. 
Plan and do active things with her. Workout together, bike ride together, take walks together, try to make more healthy dinner and such together. 

At the end of the day, she's an adult she'll do what she wants. You can tell her about it once but don't talk about this all the time. Show her you love her in all aspects of life so she knows you love her. Be fun, charming and romantic....don't just harp on this all the time. 

At the end of the day, she'll get in shape or she wont'. If it is so unattractive....her gut is big enough that sex dwindles then you cross that bridge when you get to it.


----------



## frenchpaddy

Anastasia6 said:


> Well might help. The fact that he’s thinking of a Prostitute and doesn’t initiate sex. Well that seems extreme. So if she’s extremely fat then perhaps this reaction is more warranted. But if we a talking a few pounds then this makes me wonder if as alluded to before by someone else he maybe viewing too much porn.
> 
> perhaps he is polluting his mind with images of ‘perfect’ woman.
> 
> maybe he isn’t and he truly isn’t attracted to a loving warm bodied woman who seem to really want sex with him. I guess that’s normal.
> If true he should set her free. If she’s having trouble now at a young age and he’s unattractive then it will only get worse over time and children.
> 
> the best best would have been to love it off her. Now she’s most likely caught on which will undermine her and build resentment.
> 
> Also birth control can really effect things and lead to weight gain. Is she on the pill?


 this topic reminds me of Facebook where you get some guy posts a woman's photo and you get comments of all types about her too thin or she too young or too old and then you all ways get the guy that will say i would give her one , but you never see the guy that is judging this woman 

I often think of the guys as 80 years old men that the same woman would have nothing to do with


----------



## Anastasia6

In Absentia said:


> Maybe. But I believe that any belly of any size and shape would be off putting for the OP. He just doesn't like it. I'm not sure there is a solution to the "problem".


Well if it is porn the solution is to stop polluting your mind.

But you are right if he doesn't find her attractive and neither he nor her are changing then they should separate.
He deserve to want to have sex and she deserves a partner who finds her attractive.

They don't have kids and he already views her as lazy and taking him for granted. So what will happen when the do have kids or they age or what have you. 

They just aren't suited to each other. My husband is close to 300 pounds and has in the past been over that. I WANT to have sex with him 5-10 times a week. She deserve someone who will have sex with her frequently. Would we all like to be married to a trim in fit person? yes. But that is hardly the only thing that make someone attractive.

Even the thought of sex with a prostitute over body type indicates some real issues with body type. 

She isn't likely to over come this with these attitudes and may never overcome it. It could be laziness, It could be birth control hormones, it could be insulin resistance. 

I know several people who eat the 'prescribed' number of calories and don't lose weight without cheating. And sometimes the prescribed calories leave you hungry as hell and therefore unable to sustain. After a few years it is defeating. But the previous poster that was talking about satiation has some valid points. However I don't think it is just about protein. I think he's talked at her and hinted enough though even if someone had the magic bullet, it's probably too late. People in general can tell when people we are close to are trying to 'manage' our weight.

Getting involved with her exercise is helpful but you can out eat any exercise.


----------



## In Absentia

Anastasia6 said:


> Well if it is porn the solution is to stop polluting your mind.
> 
> But you are right if he doesn't find her attractive and neither he nor her are changing then they should separate.
> He deserve to want to have sex and she deserves a partner who finds her attractive.
> 
> They don't have kids and he already views her as lazy and taking him for granted. So what will happen when the do have kids or they age or what have you.
> 
> They just aren't suited to each other. My husband is close to 300 pounds and has in the past been over that. I WANT to have sex with him 5-10 times a week. She deserve someone who will have sex with her frequently. Would we all like to be married to a trim in fit person? yes. But that is hardly the only thing that make someone attractive.
> 
> Even the thought of sex with a prostitute over body type indicates some real issues with body type.
> 
> She isn't likely to over come this with these attitudes and may never overcome it. It could be laziness, It could be birth control hormones, it could be insulin resistance.
> 
> I know several people who eat the 'prescribed' number of calories and don't lose weight without cheating. And sometimes the prescribed calories leave you hungry as hell and therefore unable to sustain. After a few years it is defeating. But the previous poster that was talking about satiation has some valid points. However I don't think it is just about protein. I think he's talked at her and hinted enough though even if someone had the magic bullet, it's probably too late. People in general can tell when people we are close to are trying to 'manage' our weight.
> 
> Getting involved with her exercise is helpful but you can out eat any exercise.


Totally agree with you.


----------



## Anastasia6

hinterdir said:


> A prostitute. That is disgusting. Paying some woman for sex......she's probably been with 500 different men.
> People that see hookers give men a bad name.
> Repulsive.
> 
> The belly/weight. Just be honest.
> Tell her you find it unattractive, would she be willing to exercise with you and adjust eating a bit and get in better shape.
> Plan and do active things with her. Workout together, bike ride together, take walks together, try to make more healthy dinner and such together.
> 
> At the end of the day, she's an adult she'll do what she wants. You can tell her about it once but don't talk about this all the time. Show her you love her in all aspects of life so she knows you love her. Be fun, charming and romantic....don't just harp on this all the time.
> 
> At the end of the day, she'll get in shape or she wont'. If it is so unattractive....her gut is big enough that sex dwindles then you cross that bridge when you get to it.


Sex has already dwindled. So they are crossing that bridge. He no longer initiates and she has noticed.


----------



## 342693

Pretty sure your wedding vows probably said something about "for better or for worse".


----------



## Anastasia6

SCDad01 said:


> Pretty sure your wedding vows probably said something about "for better or for worse".


Pretty sure that isn't effecting his desire.

It should be for better or worse. And he's said he'll stay but really if he doesn't desire her is that wise long term when they don't even have kids?


----------



## In Absentia

SCDad01 said:


> Pretty sure your wedding vows probably said something about "for better or for worse".


Yes, but her belly can get better...


----------



## bobsmith

Anastasia6 said:


> I know several people who eat the 'prescribed' number of calories and don't lose weight without cheating. And sometimes the prescribed calories leave you hungry as hell and therefore unable to sustain. After a few years it is defeating. * But the previous poster that was talking about satiation has some valid points. However I don't think it is just about protein.* I think he's talked at her and hinted enough though even if someone had the magic bullet, it's probably too late. People in general can tell when people we are close to are trying to 'manage' our weight.


I doubt this is the proper setting to deeply discuss health and nutrition, but as someone that has both been a life long athlete, and struggled with some weight gain myself many years ago, I don't mindlessly make assertions about this stuff! I understand it. The fact is many people 'want' to improve their health but have no clue how, and the fitness marketplace just makes it all more confusing, insisting their 'magic pills' will fix it. 

Part of my thinks this whole thread is by a troll that is actually the woman, but who really knows. What I do know is it is 100% nonsense that someone can eat in a caloric deficit and not lose body fat! The trick is to realize the type of calories matter, and people that can't understand that, will never manage their weight! What fuels my desire to help people with this is when they actually start to get it and lbs fall off without much effort! They get inspired and it is awesome to see! Once the switch is made, they are likely to carry that in life, not ride a 'fad diet' that will come crashing down! 

I have challenged people to eat as much chicken or veggies as they can handle in a day! Then when you do the math and realize you are STILL in a deficit, it becomes encouraging. I have never advocated that people MUST eat certain foods, but rather work through what they like and work with it. If you feel hungry, it won't work! Ghrelin is directly tied to a body's need for nutrients. Feed worthless calories, and you will STILL be hungry! 

Yes indeed, in many cases, satiation is directly tied to protein and protein has a much higher thermogenic index than other macros (expends energy to break down) and has a longer pathway to fat stores. 

But in this case, it is a sensitive subject to tell an SO to lose weight! Especially if they don't even know how! That resentment will probably be stiff. Probably easier and smarter to lead through example!


----------



## lifeistooshort

Anastasia6 said:


> Well if it is porn the solution is to stop polluting your mind.
> 
> But you are right if he doesn't find her attractive and neither he nor her are changing then they should separate.
> He deserve to want to have sex and she deserves a partner who finds her attractive.
> 
> They don't have kids and he already views her as lazy and taking him for granted. So what will happen when the do have kids or they age or what have you.
> 
> They just aren't suited to each other. My husband is close to 300 pounds and has in the past been over that. I WANT to have sex with him 5-10 times a week. She deserve someone who will have sex with her frequently. Would we all like to be married to a trim in fit person? yes. But that is hardly the only thing that make someone attractive.
> 
> Even the thought of sex with a prostitute over body type indicates some real issues with body type.
> 
> She isn't likely to over come this with these attitudes and may never overcome it. It could be laziness, It could be birth control hormones, it could be insulin resistance.
> 
> I know several people who eat the 'prescribed' number of calories and don't lose weight without cheating. And sometimes the prescribed calories leave you hungry as hell and therefore unable to sustain. After a few years it is defeating. But the previous poster that was talking about satiation has some valid points. However I don't think it is just about protein. I think he's talked at her and hinted enough though even if someone had the magic bullet, it's probably too late. People in general can tell when people we are close to are trying to 'manage' our weight.
> 
> Getting involved with her exercise is helpful but you can out eat any exercise.


Or maybe she doesn't care and lies to placate the diet police? I haven't seen where SHE wants the belly to shrink, unless I missed it.

This is one reason nagging doesn't work. You make your feelings known but your spouse has to decide they want it.

It's frustrating if your spouse has really let themselves go, but I recall OP saying it wasn't that bad. She may just not want the extra sacrifice for a few pounds.

I'm a pretty fast runner but if I got really strict with my diet I'd get faster. But I'd have to be really strict and I don't want to live like that.

Clarity as to the extent of the issue would be helpful.


----------



## ccpowerslave

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm a pretty fast runner but if I got really strict with my diet I'd get faster. But I'd have to be really strict and I don't want to live like that.


This. I am constantly at war with myself about going all in diet-wise.

I ordered a chili from Togo’s for lunch and you can’t customize it so I pulled all the cheese off the top. I was sad. Throwing that cheese into the sink I wondered if it was worth it and I decided yes!


----------



## bobsmith

ccpowerslave said:


> This. I am constantly at war with myself about going all in diet-wise.
> 
> I ordered a chili from Togo’s for lunch and you can’t customize it so I pulled all the cheese off the top. I was sad. Throwing that cheese into the sink I wondered if it was worth it and I decided yes!


All SO frustrating! No wonder people give up on a diet plan.


----------



## ccpowerslave

bobsmith said:


> All SO frustrating! No wonder people give up on a diet plan.


There is too much misinformation out there. I believe anyone who is motivated can lose, it’s really easy you just stop eating food. It always works. 

My wife gets mad at me because I am happy eating 2 pounds of chicken for dinner with lettuce. It’s not that I wouldn’t rather have garbage, sure it tastes better, but it doesn’t help me athletically.

When she had athletic goals and trained hard for them she lost a bunch of weight. So maybe that’s the secret for someone who doesn’t want to eat like a barbarian. Perhaps that could work OP, maybe sign up for an event with her and train?


----------



## Ursula

GIwonderwhy said:


> What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating.
> 
> She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"
> 
> Another example. This morning I told her maybe stop eating bread because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"
> 
> Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.


Well holy crap, now I've heard it all.

If you want your wife to be healthy, encourage it, don't nitpick. Don't hire a prostitute, that's just wrong, wrong, wrong. Or, if that's what you want to do, at least have the decency to divorce your wife first.

How old are you guys?

Just so you know, that once a woman hits a certain age, losing weight and inches is incredibly hard. We have different make-up than men, and different hormones that affect us starting in probably our 40s. I'm 43, and losing weight is damn near impossible unless I do Keto, which can be expensive and at times, not all that doable given you know, life. Losing weight is hard, and not all of us have 2 hours a day to workout.


----------



## Al_Bundy

ccpowerslave said:


> This. I am constantly at war with myself about going all in diet-wise.
> 
> I ordered a chili from Togo’s for lunch and you can’t customize it so I pulled all the cheese off the top. I was sad. Throwing that cheese into the sink I wondered if it was worth it and I decided yes!


Do you guys (runners) do precontest diets? It's common in bodybuilding although running faster isn't the goal. The diet still sucks, but usually only 8-12 weeks depending on how clean you eat in the offseason


----------



## ccpowerslave

Al_Bundy said:


> Do you guys (runners) do precontest diets? It's common in bodybuilding although running faster isn't the goal. The diet still sucks, but usually only 8-12 weeks depending on how clean you eat in the offseason


Have to ask @lifeistooshort about running. 

For boxing absolutely because you have to cut weight. For a professional fighter that can weigh in 24 hours ahead they will sometimes drink just a bit of water the day before and basically eat nothing that week. The week before it is also pretty pathetic but there is a lot of sparring that so a lot of quick energy. Then after weigh in and an IV all you can eat pasta at Olive Garden is what I have seen people do.

Amateur fighters have to weigh in and fight right after and in tournaments make weight multiple times, so they’re basically at the weight they need to be when they show up, no cutting water.


----------



## Al_Bundy

ccpowerslave said:


> Have to ask @lifeistooshort about running.
> 
> For boxing absolutely because you have to cut weight. For a professional fighter that can weigh in 24 hours ahead they will sometimes drink just a bit of water the day before and basically eat nothing that week. The week before it is also pretty pathetic but there is a lot of sparring that so a lot of quick energy. Then after weigh in and an IV all you can eat pasta at Olive Garden is what I have seen people do.
> 
> Amateur fighters have to weigh in and fight right after and in tournaments make weight multiple times, so they’re basically at the weight they need to be when they show up, no cutting water.


Yeah I don't consider dropping weight the same, I felt like I was basically tricking my body to drop weight compared to a 12 week gauntlet of diet and increased cardio. Even for powerlifting I eventually learned to just stay within one weight class of where I wanted to compete. Felt better. 

Honestly if this guy was worried about weight he should have just kept it a LTR, once you get married you have no leverage other than the nuclear option of divorce.


----------



## frenchpaddy

diets don't work , you need to change your whole lifestyle ,
it is why many of these diets are worse because they teach you that there is not enough food around 
you drop a few kg a,d then feel tired of the diet and when you go back to what you did before your body puts on twice so you end up fatter than before 

all so meal size and size of comfort food is important 
as manufacture s want you to buy more so the bigger they make it the more they sell 
it is where they make the king size look cheaper you get a small for 5 a mid size costs 8 but a king size is just 9 so many go for the king size because it looks cheaper but in fact the mid size is not ment to be sold it is just there to get you to buy the super size ,

here in france the king size bars you just can't get , as the french have laws against them 
all so the amount of sugar in the same brand in france is sometimes lower 
we have all seen the bottle of soda which is just water and sugar and little other things 

we now are living in a different world where ready made meals are the thing of the day ,
come home and have not the time to cook real meat real veg even the fruit is now sold wrapped in plastics diced in mouth full pieces


----------



## hamadryad

SCDad01 said:


> Pretty sure your wedding vows probably said something about "for better or for worse".


That saying makes me bristle sometimes....

So does that mean that if a person decided that they didn't want to shower daily, that the spouse still is obligated to have sex with them? I could list a thousand other examples, but why bother...

I believe it's a spouses duty to maintain themselves to _at least_ the standard they were when you met them....adjusted for age or other type of unforeseen medical condition.....No...Age by itself doesn't mean it's inevitable to get fat and sloppy...A lot of people say this, but its mostly untrue...Sure, there are some people that don't care about anything, but that's a big risk to take to assume that...

Does it take some work? Yes...And the older people get the harder it is...But it's still not that terrible, and at the end of the day a person that looks after themselves not only benefits their relationship, but benefits themselves in an improved quality of life and longevity...


----------



## Livvie

The thing is, he says she isn't fat and sloppy. He says the rest of her body is sexy, it's just she has a little belly.

Not many people have perfect bodies.

Perhaps in order to get rid of the little belly, she'd have to get down to an unhealthy weight. I work with a woman who looks emaciated and she still has a little fat pocket on her belly.


----------



## MarmiteC

The OP mentioned they have no kids yet, I ask, what will happen then (if indeed they plan for them?) OP, you need to love and accept your wife for who she is. She will be motivated when SHE is ready, not when you think she is. And even when she's motivated, she may find it very difficult to achieve the desired result depending on her hormones, body type etc.

Love her and cherish her and don't admonish any slip ups in her journey.


----------



## Rowan

Some women just always have somewhat of a tummy. Even at a healthy weight. Sometimes even at an unhealthily low weight. 

No matter how much weight my mom loses, she's still essentially an "apple" shaped woman - thick waist/belly. If she were underweight to the point you could practically cut glass with her clavicles, she'd still have a bit of a belly. She does not, will never, short of major surgery she _could_ never, have an hourglass figure. Because that's not how her body is shaped. And, she also naturally shows any weight she does gain in her belly first, before any other part of her body. Because that's her body shape. 

Maybe the OP's wife is just a body type that doesn't appeal to him. A good percentage of women are actually not the "ideal" hourglass body type. They may be able to remain slim and toned, but their shoulders, hips, waist, something - will always be the largest part of them. 

Maybe the OP's wife is just an apple, while he's really wanting an hourglass. 🤷‍♀️


----------



## frenchpaddy

MarmiteC said:


> The OP mentioned they have no kids yet, I ask, what will happen then (if indeed they plan for them?) OP, you need to love and accept your wife for who she is. She will be motivated when SHE is ready, not when you think she is. And even when she's motivated, she may find it very difficult to achieve the desired result depending on her hormones, body type etc.
> 
> Love her and cherish her and don't admonish any slip ups in her journey.


 he might be into 16 year olds


----------



## lifeistooshort

Al_Bundy said:


> Do you guys (runners) do precontest diets? It's common in bodybuilding although running faster isn't the goal. The diet still sucks, but usually only 8-12 weeks depending on how clean you eat in the offseason


I do know that professionals will often clamp down in the final weeks before a race to be as light as possible, often to some not sustainable longer term.

Here's an example:








Guess How Much Weight This Famous Boston Marathoner Gained in 10 Days


Boston Marathon runner Meb Keflezighi told fans to guess how much weight he's gained since the race.




www.google.com





Long term sustainability is always the primary issue when picking a diet plan. That's why I said earlier that OP's wife may have decided the extra benefit isn't worth the extra work. He said her body is great otherwise and her middle isn't that bad, so I doubt we're talking about a level of obesity that most people would agree is unacceptable.

He never said this is something she wants, only that he is the diet police and expects her to explain herself to him. Then he's shocked when she lies.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Rowan said:


> Some women just always have somewhat of a tummy. Even at a healthy weight. Sometimes even at an unhealthily low weight.
> 
> No matter how much weight my mom loses, she's still essentially an "apple" shaped woman - thick waist/belly. If she were underweight to the point you could practically cut glass with her clavicles, she'd still have a bit of a belly. She does not, will never, short of major surgery she _could_ never, have an hourglass figure. Because that's not how her body is shaped. And, she also naturally shows any weight she does gain in her belly first, before any other part of her body. Because that's her body shape.
> 
> Maybe the OP's wife is just a body type that doesn't appeal to him. A good percentage of women are actually not the "ideal" hourglass body type. They may be able to remain slim and toned, but their shoulders, hips, waist, something - will always be the largest part of them.
> 
> Maybe the OP's wife is just an apple, while he's really wanting an hourglass. 🤷‍♀️


Absolutely.

I do have an hourglass and am in pretty freaking good shape, but you know what I don't have?

A six pack. Never did, even when I was much younger.

Might it be possible? I doubt it, but assuming it was I'd need a level of restriction that I'm not willing to follow....there's more to life.

If a guy just HAD to have a woman with a six pack I'm not going to be a good fit for him. But he'd really be limiting his options, and said six pack having women might not want him. And if they did they may not always have said six pack. 

Such is life.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

Ursula said:


> Well holy crap, now I've heard it all.
> 
> If you want your wife to be healthy, encourage it, don't nitpick. Don't hire a prostitute, that's just wrong, wrong, wrong. Or, if that's what you want to do, at least have the decency to divorce your wife first.
> 
> How old are you guys?
> 
> Just so you know, that once a woman hits a certain age, losing weight and inches is incredibly hard. We have different make-up than men, and different hormones that affect us starting in probably our 40s. I'm 43, and losing weight is damn near impossible unless I do Keto, which can be expensive and at times, not all that doable given you know, life. Losing weight is hard, and not all of us have 2 hours a day to workout.


Yeah I understand that. Thanks for response. Not going to do the prostitute thing. I read all the comments and how I'm a piece of s*** it gave me some better insight. 

I'm 34 and she's 29 turning 30. Yeah I know its tough the older you get. And especially her, she works so many hours a day. Thats why I'm understand. It's not like we argue over this stuff. I keep it to myself. Just came here to vent. 

I fell off with my health around the time we got married, but I never let it get too out of hand. Eventually I wanted to feel good and look good again so I hit the gym watched my eating. But I've always had a fast metabolism so my results come quick. 

Others are different so I'm definitely patient. Changed my attitude after reading this thread. I've been all positive for the past few days and it's definitely working. Instead of making her feel bad I'm just complimenting her and being positive about everything. It's actually working


----------



## GIwonderwhy

ccpowerslave said:


> There is too much misinformation out there. I believe anyone who is motivated can lose, it’s really easy you just stop eating food. It always works.
> 
> My wife gets mad at me because I am happy eating 2 pounds of chicken for dinner with lettuce. It’s not that I wouldn’t rather have garbage, sure it tastes better, but it doesn’t help me athletically.
> 
> When she had athletic goals and trained hard for them she lost a bunch of weight. So maybe that’s the secret for someone who doesn’t want to eat like a barbarian. Perhaps that could work OP, maybe sign up for an event with her and train?


All facts! So true. Just stop eating and it will work every time, atleast for me it did as well. Yeah we're both signed up for a pretty nice gym but due to the work ours it's hard to hit it most days of the week.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

Diana7 said:


> If you watch porn then stop. Porn gives men totally unrealistic expectations.


That's what it is forsure. You hit the nail on the head. I've watched porn and tried to quit for a while now. Making progress.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

ccpowerslave said:


> This post is just sad.
> 
> My wife today was telling me she feels fat and is sad she can’t lose weight. I’m like honey did you see the boner I had yesterday morning that thing was rock solid. Don’t worry about it. Please eat the hamburger you look 10/10 for me.
> 
> Going to see a prostitute? Bleh... 🤮


Plot Twist: His wife weighs 125lbs


----------



## bobsmith

GIwonderwhy said:


> All facts! So true. Just stop eating and it will work every time, atleast for me it did as well. Yeah we're both signed up for a pretty nice gym but due to the work ours it's hard to hit it most days of the week.


You are aware 'signing up' for a gym will do nothing, right? I always advocate to take the easiest first step which is dial in a real, functional diet. There is little to no sense in "going to the gym" and then eat 5000 calories of birthday cake.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

Anastasia6 said:


> Well might help. The fact that he’s thinking of a Prostitute and doesn’t initiate sex. Well that seems extreme. So if she’s extremely fat then perhaps this reaction is more warranted. But if we a talking a few pounds then this makes me wonder if as alluded to before by someone else he maybe viewing too much porn.
> 
> perhaps he is polluting his mind with images of ‘perfect’ woman.
> 
> maybe he isn’t and he truly isn’t attracted to a loving warm bodied woman who seem to really want sex with him. I guess that’s normal.
> If true he should set her free. If she’s having trouble now at a young age and he’s unattractive then it will only get worse over time and children.
> 
> the best best would have been to love it off her. Now she’s most likely caught on which will undermine her and build resentment.
> 
> Also birth control can really effect things and lead to weight gain. Is she on the pill?


No you are absolutely right I can be honest about that. I definitely watched too much porn. It's crazy how you and another person caught that because I didn't even think to mention it. I've been making progress quiting. Joined nofap groups on Facebook and everything. 

What you guys fail to see is that I don't treat her like s***. She's actually happy. I'm the type of husband that'll scrambling to clean the house and make sure everything is spotless before she gets off of work, because I know she will keep cleaning if I don't, and I don't want her having to work more after she just got off. 

And our marriage is next to perfect. We don't argue or have hard fights. We go everywhere together. And we've reached alot of life goals together that we both never would've imagined. 

So its not all bad like you guys are making it seem.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

bobsmith said:


> You are aware 'signing up' for a gym will do nothing, right? I always advocate to take the easiest first step which is dial in a real, functional diet. There is little to no sense in "going to the gym" and then eat 5000 calories of birthday cake.


Yeah exactly that's what made me frustrated at first. We've been going to the gym for 3 days out of the week, for the past 3 months. And both saying that we are on a diet. So I suspected she's just cheating on the diet. 

But honestly in the last 2 days it's been a big difference, I've just been complimenting her and being positive because of the tough comments in this thread, and this morning I've noticed a difference. Either because I changed my thinking or maybe she's really making progress, but something has changed.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

ccpowerslave said:


> This post is just sad.
> 
> My wife today was telling me she feels fat and is sad she can’t lose weight. I’m like honey did you see the boner I had yesterday morning that thing was rock solid. Don’t worry about it. Please eat the hamburger you look 10/10 for me.
> 
> Going to see a prostitute? Bleh... 🤮


Respectfully sir, I think you are full of it. I know there's alot of women on here so you want to act like the perfect guy, but if you were all that perfect why would you be on this thread? No regular guy who's always rock hard for his wife who believes she's fat would have a reason to be on here hanging out. 

I only found this site because I genuinely was looking for answers. 

So you're definitely looking for something. Keep it real as a man, that stuff doesn't work on me.


----------



## ccpowerslave

GIwonderwhy said:


> Respectfully sir, I think you are full of it. I know there's alot of women on here so you want to act like the perfect guy, but if you were all that perfect why would you be on this thread?


Well since you asked the title was interesting and then the post itself was even more so.

You didn’t say your wife was “fat” you said she won’t lose her belly. Your proposed solution was to potentially seek out a prostitute which was quite a controversial suggestion.




GIwonderwhy said:


> So you're definitely looking for something. Keep it real as a man, that stuff doesn't work on me.


I gave some real suggestions in your thread of how to encourage her.


----------



## GIwonderwhy

frenchpaddy said:


> we would have to elect a jury to say what is the norm and how much over the norm one can go ,
> all so we would need to know if the OP is within the norm for men ,
> or is it a case of the pot calling black bottom
> do as i say not as i do


I'm above average for men. I can't say overall attractiveness though. As for the body I'm an A and equipment I'm A+. As for the face I'm probably a B- until I smile then I'm an A- lol


----------



## pastasauce79

Again, how much does she weight? How tall is she? How big is her tummy? 

Without those details, we can't tell you if you are into stick figures or what!!


----------



## GIwonderwhy

ccpowerslave said:


> Well since you asked the title was interesting and then the post itself was even more so.
> 
> You didn’t say your wife was “fat” you said she won’t lose her belly. Your proposed solution was to potentially seek out a prostitute which was quite a controversial suggestion.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I gave some real suggestions in your thread of how to encourage her.


That's true and I appreciate the suggestions, always looking for good advice anywhere I can get it.

Yeah she's not really fat. If youguys saw her you'd be saying "Yeah he's an idiot". To give you an idea, 4'11 and 137lbs. She's beautiful. 

So definitely some of the other posters were also spot on that too much porn is a factor.


----------



## frenchpaddy

it must be hard for her to have to live up to fake images


----------



## DownButNotOut

4'11", 137. Ok so she's about 20lbs overweight.

But motivation to change has to come from within. You can control your own bodyweight and fitness. You can't control hers.

What you can do is set an example by leading. Use your gym membership, plan your workout when she has downtime and invite her to go with you. Try planning active dates ... hikes, kayaking, skiing in the winter, etc. When grocery shopping load up on the healthy choices, and don't buy the junk. When you cook, plan healthy food portions.


----------



## lifeistooshort

DownButNotOut said:


> 4'11", 137. Ok so she's about 20lbs overweight.
> 
> But motivation to change has to come from within. You can control your own bodyweight and fitness. You can't control hers.
> 
> What you can do is set an example by leading. Use your gym membership, plan your workout when she has downtime and invite her to go with you. Try planning active dates ... hikes, kayaking, skiing in the winter, etc. When grocery shopping load up on the healthy choices, and don't buy the junk. When you cook, plan healthy food portions.


This.i agree that she's a little heavy, and smaller people don't tend to carry weight well. I'm 5'4 and you can see 5 pounds on me.

This post is spot on. I'm glad to hear you've become more positive and that she's receptive, and that you're trying to get off the porn. Porn is poison if it's influencing how you see your spouse.

And what you don't want to happen is for her to lose some weight but resent you because you were an asshole about it...you want her to see you as the guy who loves and supports her. As a woman I can promise you that she knows you'd prefer her to be thinner. 

But that's not what makes us resentful. We know everyone has preferences....what makes us resentful is you being the diet and exercise police, comparing us to porn, and communicating preferences that we don't think we can attain.

Stay positive and model healthy habits. If that doesn't work nothing will.


----------



## LisaDiane

If any man finds my body repulsive to look at, I will free him from that distressing obligation and move on to someone who will desire me for ME and the way I AM. 

This sounds like a YOU problem.

You sound privileged and entitled, and seem to be the epitome of what women are afraid of in their sexual partners - why they are afraid to be naked with men, why they want to keep the lights off during sex, and why they are so intimidated by porn.


----------



## Cooper

I don't have anything constructive to add to this post but just wanted to say every time I scroll by the thread title I think " here's a guy who will never get laid again". Dude you must make your wife feel like ****.


----------



## DownButNotOut

Cooper said:


> I don't have anything constructive to add to this post but just wanted to say every time I scroll by the thread title I think " here's a guy who will never get laid again". Dude you must make your wife feel like ****.


Don't sell yourself short. You've revealed two fundamental truths.

1. A man who expresses standards in regards to women will be shamed.
2. A man will lie to a woman to get laid.


----------



## Openminded

If the upper weight range for someone her height is 105 then she’s about 30 pounds overweight.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

A lot of women and men have very little motivation and believe they can do a couple hours of cardio a week and expect that's enough. They'd be better off choosing one or two unhealthy food (namely bread and sodas) and sitting on their ass all week. I honestly shake my head when I hear mainly from women about their weight loss difficulties while they are stuffing their mouths with breadsticks...


----------



## ccpowerslave

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I honestly shake my head when I hear mainly from women about their weight loss difficulties while they are stuffing their mouths with breadsticks...


I don’t say anything. It’s right there in the Starbucks app. My coffee 5 calories, hers 200. Every time she presses the button right there.

She would say those 200 calories are worth it and my coffee tastes terrible and for her she’s not lying.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

ccpowerslave said:


> I don’t say anything. It’s right there in the Starbucks app. My coffee 5 calories, hers 200. Every time she presses the button right there.
> 
> She would say those 200 calories are worth it and my coffee tastes terrible and for her she’s not lying.


My coffee is black and bitter like the depths of Mordor.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

GIwonderwhy said:


> Respectfully sir, I think you are full of it. I know there's alot of women on here so you want to act like the perfect guy, but if you were all that perfect why would you be on this thread? No regular guy who's always rock hard for his wife who believes she's fat would have a reason to be on here hanging out.
> 
> I only found this site because I genuinely was looking for answers.
> 
> So you're definitely looking for something. Keep it real as a man, that stuff doesn't work on me.


You are in that awkward zone of being a controlling **** or hearing her every crunch on a potato chip killing your desire for her. I've been there, done that, still there, doing that. Every week it's different, starting Monday strict Keto or whatever, then a couple days go by, someone brings donuts to work and self control out the window. I bought an expensive row machine at her request, it's growing cobwebs in our garage. I can't control her and if I call her out it would be 1000x worse. You can't win really. 

Don't go bone a prostitute, that will just make life way worse. Look on the bright side, all women look great in doggie style,all their fat kind of rolls forward. Any man as unattractive to their wife as they may be can get rock hard in that position.


----------



## ccpowerslave

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I bought an expensive row machine at her request, it's growing cobwebs in our garage.


Hahah. My wife wanted one and I didn’t mind buying it because I figured I would use it occasionally for 500m sprints. Even though I only have ever done 500m sprints I’m sure I have rowed more distance on it than she has. It’s insane how good of a workout that is in a small time period.

One thing she does do with me every day is go on an afternoon walk. She has done that every day with me since December last year with no skipped days.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

My wife has a bit of a belly, about the only place she ever puts on fat. I'm all but blind to it, could care less. I've never suggested anything about it unless she brought it up to me. Even then I would tread very lightly. I suggest the same, it has to be her desire. And getting prostitute? Come on, don't be effing stupid. 

Similar to your wife, my wife isn't very big, 5'4", about 135 pounds. The most she has ever weighed was around 145. That was fairly recent when she asked me for advice. The problem is that being fairly small means she probably doesn't have a lot of calories to work with. We did some small stuff at first like going to the lite version of the Chai Latte she has every morning. Minimal effect. This will probably sound strange, but what has gotten her from 145 down to her current 135 or so, was ephedra. It used to be common in weight loss supplements and is one of the few that actually work. They were pulled due to people abusing them. You can still get it at a pharmacy, but not sold as a weight loss product. It is sold as Bronkaid, for asthma. So you are using it “off label”. It is a very good appetite suppressant and boosts your metabolism. Again, I know it probably sounds odd, but it is used quite a bit. You can look up ECA stack to find more info. A lot of people combine it with caffeine and aspirin, hence the ECA. You can PM me if you want more info on this.


----------



## Al_Bundy

BigDaddyNY said:


> My wife has a bit of a belly, about the only place she ever puts on fat. I'm all but blind to it, could care less. I've never suggested anything about it unless she brought it up to me. Even then I would tread very lightly. I suggest the same, it has to be her desire. And getting prostitute? Come on, don't be effing stupid.
> 
> Similar to your wife, my wife isn't very big, 5'4", about 135 pounds. The most she has ever weighed was around 145. That was fairly recent when she asked me for advice. The problem is that being fairly small means she probably doesn't have a lot of calories to work with. We did some small stuff at first like going to the lite version of the Chai Latte she has every morning. Minimal effect. This will probably sound strange, but what has gotten her from 145 down to her current 135 or so, was ephedra. It used to be common in weight loss supplements and is one of the few that actually work. They were pulled due to people abusing them. You can still get it at a pharmacy, but not sold as a weight loss product. It is sold as Bronkaid, for asthma. So you are using it “off label”. It is a very good appetite suppressant and boosts your metabolism. Again, I know it probably sounds odd, but it is used quite a bit. You can look up ECA stack to find more info. A lot of people combine it with caffeine and aspirin, hence the ECA. You can PM me if you want more info on this.


Some old school stuff right there, nice.


----------



## Al_Bundy

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> A lot of women and men have very little motivation and believe they can do a couple hours of cardio a week and expect that's enough. They'd be better off choosing one or two unhealthy food (namely bread and sodas) and sitting on their ass all week. I honestly shake my head when I hear mainly from women about their weight loss difficulties while they are stuffing their mouths with breadsticks...


Very true, especially the ones who claim they've "tried everything".


----------



## LisaDiane

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> A lot of women and men have very little motivation and believe they can do a couple hours of cardio a week and expect that's enough. They'd be better off choosing one or two unhealthy food (namely bread and sodas) and sitting on their ass all week. I honestly shake my head when I hear mainly from women about their weight loss difficulties while they are stuffing their mouths with breadsticks...


I would wager you know VERY FEW women who complain about their weight while stuffing their faces with bread and crap.

It makes me laugh when men think they can understand and judge how women's bodies process food and calories compared to their own.

All I can say is...YOU HAVE NO IDEA.


----------



## hairyhead

LisaDiane said:


> I would wager you know VERY FEW women who complain about their weight while stuffing their faces with bread and crap.
> 
> It makes me laugh when men think they can understand and judge how women's bodies process food and calories compared to their own.
> 
> All I can say is...YOU HAVE NO IDEA.


I know quite a few women. Many have put on weight. Many have not put on weight.

Those who have not put on weight are generally (very) active and watch what they eat in terms of portion size and a balanced diet.

Those who have put on weight are generally much less active and less concerned about what they eat.

I don't believe that there is a direct correlation between gender and likelihood for weight gain.

Even in today's news there is an article which shows that metabolism does not reduce with age but suggests we become less active and eat more (as we become financially better off).


----------



## ccpowerslave

LisaDiane said:


> I would wager you know VERY FEW women who complain about their weight while stuffing their faces with bread and crap.
> 
> It makes me laugh when men think they can understand and judge how women's bodies process food and calories compared to their own.
> 
> All I can say is...YOU HAVE NO IDEA.


I don’t know much, but I do know that if I ate as little actual food as my wife I would be starving constantly. My TDEE is 1200 calories more than hers.

When I see how little she eats for dinner sometimes I am sad. 

Her body also craves carbs where I could care less about them. She thinks the meat and veg diet I am on is garbage, hates eating it. So while I am happy to eat it she would want to stab people with her fork if she had to eat it every day like I do.


----------



## LisaDiane

ccpowerslave said:


> I don’t know much, but I do know that if I ate as little actual food as my wife I would be starving constantly. My TDEE is 1200 calories more than hers.
> 
> When I see how little she eats for dinner sometimes I am sad.
> 
> Her body also craves carbs where I could care less about them. She thinks the meat and veg diet I am on is garbage, hates eating it. So while I am happy to eat it she would want to stab people with her fork if she had to eat it every day like I do.


Some people (not just men) have the mindset that the human body is a simple machine, with outcomes that are predetermined 100% of the time (Do X and you will get Y)...and it's just NOT how any of our bodies work. So many different things are going on that are tailored for our individual bodies, there are NO guarantees, and what works for one person won't work for another. THAT is proven.

That's why it is better to eat for health and vitality (and joy), and then body shape will take care of itself.


----------



## LisaDiane

hairyhead said:


> I know quite a few women. Many have put on weight. Many have not put on weight.
> 
> Those who have not put on weight are generally (very) active and watch what they eat in terms of portion size and a balanced diet.
> 
> Those who have put on weight are generally much less active and less concerned about what they eat.
> 
> I don't believe that there is a direct correlation between gender and likelihood for weight gain.
> 
> Even in today's news there is an article which shows that metabolism does not reduce with age but suggests we become less active and eat more (as we become financially better off).


Whatever. I can produce articles that show the opposite, and recite my own anecdotal evidence from women I know...but you have as little interest in MY viewpoint as I do in yours.


----------



## hairyhead

LisaDiane said:


> Whatever. I can produce articles that show the opposite, and recite my own anecdotal evidence from women I know...*but you have as little interest in MY viewpoint as I do in yours.*


Not the case otherwise I would not have quoted and replied to your previous post.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

LisaDiane said:


> Whatever. I can produce articles that show the opposite, and recite my own anecdotal evidence from women I know...but you have as little interest in MY viewpoint as I do in yours.


Regardless of gender it is fact that lower activity level and high caloric intake results in weight gain and higher activity level and lower caloric intake results in weight loss. In my adult life I've weighed as little as 170lbs and as much as 240lbs (I'm 6'2") and those equations have held 100% true with every weight change I've experienced over a few decades. Everyone is a little different, but the basic equation remains the same.

Most people trying to lose weight significantly underestimate how much they eat. Many years ago BBC did a great documentary series on this. Across the board, everyone that just couldn't lose weight simply ate more food than they thought or wanted to admit. Those that everyone said they could eat everything and anything without gaining weight, actually ate much less than they thought. In one case they very conclusively proved it with Doubly Labeled Water. The women in this video recorded in her diary that she ate 1100 calories when she actually consumed over 3000 calories. Check out this video and the others from the same source.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

double post


----------



## LisaDiane

BigDaddyNY said:


> Regardless of gender it is fact that lower activity level and high caloric intake results in weight gain and higher activity level and lower caloric intake results in weight loss. In my adult life I've weighed as little as 170lbs and as much as 240lbs (I'm 6'2") and those equations have held 100% true with every weight change I've experienced over a few decades. Everyone is a little different, but the basic equation remains the same.
> 
> Most people trying to lose weight significantly underestimate how much they eat. Many years ago BBC did a great documentary series on this. Across the board, everyone that just couldn't lose weight simply ate more food than they thought or wanted to admit. Those that everyone said they could eat everything and anything without gaining weight, actually ate much less than they thought. In one case they very conclusively proved it with Doubly Labeled Water. The women in this video recorded in her diary that she ate 1100 calories when she actually consumed over 3000 calories. Check out this video and the others from the same source.


And I am saying that is ONE part of a many-faceted issue, that most people barely understand.

Here is another, SINGLE part --








After ‘The Biggest Loser,’ Their Bodies Fought to Regain Weight (Published 2016)


Contestants lost hundreds of pounds during Season 8, but gained them back. A study of their struggles helps explain why so many people fail to keep off the weight they lose.




www.nytimes.com





Here is a QUOTE from the article --
*The results, the researchers said, were stunning. They showed just how hard the body fights back against weight loss.
“It is frightening and amazing,” said Dr. Hall, an expert on metabolism at the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, which is part of the National Institutes of Health. “I am just blown away.”*


----------



## DownButNotOut

LisaDiane said:


> And I am saying that is ONE part of a many-faceted issue, that most people barely understand.
> 
> Here is another, SINGLE part --
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> After ‘The Biggest Loser,’ Their Bodies Fought to Regain Weight (Published 2016)
> 
> 
> Contestants lost hundreds of pounds during Season 8, but gained them back. A study of their struggles helps explain why so many people fail to keep off the weight they lose.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.nytimes.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Here is a QUOTE from the article --
> *The results, the researchers said, were stunning. They showed just how hard the body fights back against weight loss.
> “It is frightening and amazing,” said Dr. Hall, an expert on metabolism at the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, which is part of the National Institutes of Health. “I am just blown away.”*


Here is another quote from the same study (source: health.harvard.edu ):


> In the real world, of course, we're unlikely to experience such drastic weight loss so quickly, since we don't have round-the-clock coaching from doctors, nutritionists, and personal trainers. However, the broader lesson still applies—namely, that drastic weight loss in a short amount of time comes with a price. Whether you're trying to lose 10 pounds or 50, slow and steady is far more effective. Because gradual weight loss doesn't cause the extreme changes in hunger hormones and the slow metabolism seen with the "Biggest Loser" contestants, you're less likely to regain weight with the slower route.


So the principles are still the same. Healthy eating, sensible portions, stay active. Lose the weight at a healthy rate (1-2 lbs / week). Combined with the new study published this week about metabolism, maintaining this lifestyle should work well for almost anyone clear into their 60's.


----------



## ccpowerslave

1lb a week is a lot, that is 500 cal/day deficit. It’s not bad if your TDEE is 3500 but gnarly if it is 1800.


----------



## DownButNotOut

ccpowerslave said:


> 1lb a week is a lot, that is 500 cal/day deficit. It’s not bad if your TDEE is 3500 but gnarly if it is 1800.


Yes. But it is also still considered a healthy rate by the CDC. Also, that target can be achieved with a combination of reduced intake, and increased burn rate.

Edit: I'm also assuming you are starting from a place of overweight, or obese. Obviously if you are already at a healthy weight, you have to adjust expectations.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

LisaDiane said:


> And I am saying that is ONE part of a many-faceted issue, that most people barely understand.
> 
> Here is another, SINGLE part --
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> After ‘The Biggest Loser,’ Their Bodies Fought to Regain Weight (Published 2016)
> 
> 
> Contestants lost hundreds of pounds during Season 8, but gained them back. A study of their struggles helps explain why so many people fail to keep off the weight they lose.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.nytimes.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Here is a QUOTE from the article --
> *The results, the researchers said, were stunning. They showed just how hard the body fights back against weight loss.
> “It is frightening and amazing,” said Dr. Hall, an expert on metabolism at the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, which is part of the National Institutes of Health. “I am just blown away.”*


Those contestants gained the weight back because they started eating like their former self, simple as that. That guy went from 430lbs to 230lbs and it said he has gained back about 100lbs over the course of the 7 years from the weight loss till that article was written. A 430lb man needs about 4,100 calories a day to maintain that weight. A 230lbs man needs about 2,800. I can very confidently say that he was eating more than 2,800 calories per day while he gained that 100lbs. In fact just 150 calories above that every day could be enough for him to gain that much weight over that much time. 

Every single person on this planet has an average daily caloric intake that will have them maintain their current weight at their current activity level. This is true even for people with a screwed up metabolism. If you eat more than that you gain weight and if you eat less than that you lose weight. That article even says as much. I don't know how they arrived at the number, but they said he has to eat 800 calories less than similar sized men to maintain his new lower weight. Yeah that may suck, but it is still a number and it is a matter of willpower to eat at that level. You won't die, it is just the number of calories you body needs. If he really does need to eat 800 calories less than the average man his size, so what? That is still 2,000 calories a day. And he is only in that situation because the whole show is stupid and dangerous. Losing 200lbs in 7 months is just a bad idea. 

Weight loss is simple, but I am in no way saying weight loss is easy. It is mentally tough. I can attest to the fact that it is not easy from my own experience, same goes for keeping off weight, but in the end it comes down to how much food passes through those lips.


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## BigDaddyNY

ccpowerslave said:


> 1lb a week is a lot, that is 500 cal/day deficit. It’s not bad if your TDEE is 3500 but gnarly if it is 1800.


That was my wife's situation too, just not enough calories to work with. It makes it so their isn't much margin for error. Also 1lb a week may be a good goal for a 250lbs person, but not so good for a 130lbs person. You may only be able to shave off 150 or 250 calories, so the weight loss will seem slower, but as a percentage of body weight it really isn't.


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## Beach123

GIwonderwhy said:


> What do you do when your wife won't lose the belly? She's sexy almost everywhere else except she just won't lose the belly. It's becoming unattractive. I try to motivate her by setting example. Luckily for me she actually tries to exercise. The problem is it's been 3 months of exercise and she hasn't lost a pound. The reason why is because she keeps lying about what she's eating.
> 
> She will tell me "I didn't eat at work" just so she has an excuse to eat later at home. Come to find out she actually did eat at work, but then she'll say "only just chicken and vegetables"
> 
> Another example. This morning I told her maybe stop eating bread because of the carbs, that's whats making it hard to lose. She says "I haven't ate bread in a long time"
> 
> Really? I just watched her the morning before eating like 3 garlic bread sticks!
> 
> Things like that.
> 
> So I'm starting to give up. I'm very close to settling on the solution of just hiring a prostitute for a good time every once in a while. I won't leave her because I love her. I know I'm lucky to have her and I'd be an idiot to leave her over a stupid weight issue. But geez give me a break here.


Really? 
Oh gosh, let me dream up some controlling reason to justify getting with a prostitute. Dude… really?

Let her know what a jerk you are. That’s how you help her!


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## hairyhead

In my experience and opinion BigDaddy is correct. Its "calories in" and "calories out". If "calories out" are greater then weight will be lost - it's basic physics.

In my (very personal) experience portion control and a balanced diet are the most effective way to lose weight. Adding increased activity helps but will never be the solution on its own. Most people have no real perception of the exercise effort required to work off a Mars bar. Most will significantly under-estimate.

If you want to really accelerate weight loss then High Intensity Training will noticeably help.


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## LisaDiane

DownButNotOut said:


> Here is another quote from the same study (source: health.harvard.edu ):
> 
> 
> So the principles are still the same. Healthy eating, sensible portions, stay active. Lose the weight at a healthy rate (1-2 lbs / week). Combined with the new study published this week about metabolism, maintaining this lifestyle should work well for almost anyone clear into their 60's.


Your comments sound like you are deliberately discounting the point I'm trying to make, while dogmatically seeking proof for your own. That is FINE, and a normal way to argue/debate, but NOT what I am interested in doing with you (or anyone) about this.

I accept that you see it differently than I do and do not care about my opinion at all.


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## ccpowerslave

BigDaddyNY said:


> That was my wife's situation too, just not enough calories to work with. It makes it so their isn't much margin for error. Also 1lb a week may be a good goal for a 250lbs person, but not so good for a 130lbs person. You may only be able to shave off 150 or 250 calories, so the weight loss will seem slower, but as a percentage of body weight it really isn't.


Yes and it gets discouraging. When you’re losing slow, water weight makes a big difference on the scale. So you could legit lose a pound, but have consumed an extra 16oz of water before you weigh in and you lost nothing.

So the discipline to not look at it has to be there. You need to believe it. But if you haven’t seen it and you can’t do something crazy like run a huge deficit then it’s easy to give up.

My wife has been the most successful when she had a female personal trainer who agreed to do a physical event with her and helped her train for it. Having a sister in her corner who made a commitment to do the challenge (it was hard) and worked with her a few times a week on it and TBH she got scary strong. So she has the potential but I guarantee I (or probably really any man) would not be able to unleash it. She needs a friend to do it with her and keep her accountable.

I try to help as I can, which for me now is just going on a walk every day with her and I always have food available that I eat with all the caveats above.


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## LisaDiane

Beach123 said:


> Really?
> Oh gosh, let me dream up some controlling reason to justify getting with a prostitute. Dude… really?
> 
> *Let her know what a jerk you are. That’s how you help her!*


Lolol!!!! Perfect point!


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## Openminded

The OP’s wife is 30 pounds overweight (looking at the top of the range number for her height) and under 5’. Maybe she wants to lose it and maybe she doesn’t. That’s up to her.


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## DownButNotOut

LisaDiane said:


> Your comments sound like you are deliberately discounting the point I'm trying to make, while dogmatically seeking proof for your own. That is FINE, and a normal way to argue/debate, but NOT what I am interested in doing with you (or anyone) about this.
> 
> I accept that you see it differently than I do and do not care about my opinion at all.


Then what is the point you are trying to make?

I made a point to quote from Harvard on the same study you were using because it seemed to me that you were misrepresenting the conclusions of that study.


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## LisaDiane

DownButNotOut said:


> Then what is the point you are trying to make?
> 
> I made a point to quote from Harvard on the same study you were using because it seemed to me that you were misrepresenting the conclusions of that study.


The fact that THAT is what you got from my posts demonstrates for me the reason we should not discuss this.

I am trying not to be rude to you, but I will not be responding on this issue again.


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## MattMatt

*Moderator note:- * Folks, this is getting way off topic. If you want to debate general weight loss and diets, please start another thread.


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## CountryMike

MattMatt said:


> *Moderator note:- * Folks, this is getting way off topic. If you want to debate general weight loss and diets, please start another thread.


I can't read the content ☹.


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## Livvie

CountryMike said:


> I can't read the content ☹.


If you exit out of dark mode you can read the text.


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## CountryMike

So far I'm keeping it a mystery 😮😮🙄🙄


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