# Stuck taking care of husband’s dog



## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Sorry about the very looong post. Just want your opinions, but also really wanted to vent. Also not sure if this is the right category. Feel free to move it if not. 

My husband has a dog that he and his sister used to take care of. Both of them did everything for the dog, and the dog was kept indoors. 
Before getting married, husband asked if I was fine with having a dog, I said I was as, but the only thing was that I don’t want the dog to be inside, that I prefer if it was kept outside. He was fine with that. 

Now apparently outside meant in the laundry room where there’s a door that can open to the backyard. The dog’s bed and everything is in the laundry room, and the dog comes and goes from it to the backyard. 

They used to be more active in taking care of the dog, but lately I feel as if all the responsibility of the dog is slowly being shoved all on to me by him and his sister. Since the door of the laundry room is open, leaves, dirt, and insects (which make their way into my kitchen through the laundry room) collect in the room. The sink in the laundry room has bits of food in it that the sis in law doesn’t bother to wash away. Today she left part of a chicken drumstick with the skin in there. It starts to smell so bad.There’s dog hair everywhere, and sometimes vomit. The dog bowl gets insects on them. If I don’t clean the room at least once a week, and sterilize it, I feel disgusting every time I go in there. It end up getting dirty in the same
day because of the dirt and insects, and when the sis in law comes, she dirties the sink I cleaned by leaving food in it. 

Since they’ve started to neglect the cleaning, I’ve been doing it all myself. But lately, especially since I’ve become pregnant, I’ve not been up to it. So I’ve let it go, and neither the husband nor his sister are cleaning it. 

His sister comes twice a week to walk the dog and when she’s here, she feeds him. That is it. Husband doesn’t do much. Sometimes he feeds it when he’s home from work, but that also I do 95% of the time. 

Other than that, the dog is a very picky eater. Will not eat his dry food, only very occasionally. He has to be fed meat three times a day. Most of the time, I’ll give it meat and see later it hasn’t even touched it, but the insects sure have. So I have to throw that one out or else maggots will come, then wonder what else to feed it. This happens three times a day. 

His sister told me that if I sit there with the dog and talk to him, maybe hand feed it, he will eat his food. That’s what she used to do. Well I’m sorry, I don’t have the time or energy to talk to hand feed a dog three times a day. 

There’s a guest coming over tomorrow to stay with us for a month, and I have been cleaning the house all day because i want it spotless. Husband’s sister was here, I mentioned to her the guest will be here tomorrow, and I was cleaning all day, hoping she’ll get the hint that she could clean the laundry room. 
I thought she would offer to clean the laundry room, but she didn’t. She’s 20 years older than me, so I found it awkward and rude to tell her to clean it. So I ended up cleaning it with detergents that I should be careful of now that I’m pregnant. 

Husband would have no idea what to do, what detergents to use, or how to clean. 

I do everything else in the house, make three meals a day, laundry, grocery shopping, everything. Since I’m not working, I’m fine with doing all that. But having to be the only one responsible for the dog is too much and I think it’s unfair. 

Do you think that since I’m married, the dog is now my responsibility, especially since I don’t work? And since I’m
married that his sister shouldn’t have to do anything? What about my husband, should he be responsible for cleaning even if he works? 

Just want your opinions.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yeah, isn't this always the case.

The person or persons who want the dog want to do the least with it.

And sometimes that attitude carries over into human to human interaction.

We see it with how spouses treat spouses and how parents treat children.

Flighty behavior at it's best.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I honestly think the dog would be happier living inside, and since that's not something you're okay with, then speak to your husband 
about giving it up for adoption. They are really happier with their people pack. As for the food, he's picky because he's being hand-fed treats. 

I brought my mom's dog home when she died as my father was unable to care for him. He was a treat fiend. He'd totally ignore his food. 
When he came home, I gave him some grain-free dry in his bowl and that was it. I ignored his begging and eventually after maybe two
days, he ate it. Now, he voraciously gobbles his dry food the second it's put down. Obviously, you'd have to watch for insects and swap
the food out if you have to. Also, don't just free feed. Only feed in the morning and evening. He'll figure it out. 

That will address the nasty left-over food and smell, but you'd have to get your sister-in-law on board. I find it weird that she is coming 
over to take care of the dog and she doesn't live there. It's your home with your husband. I would think your husband, if he wanted it, would
tell sis that he's taking over the care. And yeah, it's not your responsibility, but you don't want to see the poor thing starve or your house
become one big unbearable stench. He said he'd care for it and he's not. He's not upholding his part of the deal. If your sister insists on 
coming over to help, then I'd tell her what needs to happen as far as cleaning and feeding and a proper schedule for everything. 

I'd say something like, "guys, this was the deal. You're not upholding your end. Take care of the dog and his environment properly or he
needs to go to the shelter."

You're right, this isn't yours to take care of, but try approaching the situation diplomatically.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'd only feed dry food to help with the bug problem/smell. Trust me, but the hungrier you get the less picky you are. Feed the dog a meal and after 5 minutes pick up the bowl and put it away until the next meal. After a day or two the dog will start eating whatever dry food you put out for it.


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## sahtrader (Dec 19, 2017)

It's hard enough being pregnant and taking care of everything around the house. Now they're shoving the dog care onto you. I would definitely ensure that the dog has a new owner before your little one arrives. That is, unless your husband and sister in law step up to the plate. All your attention will go to the baby and there will be little time to cook and clean, much less take care of a picky dog.


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> I'd only feed dry food to help with the bug problem/smell. Trust me, but the hungrier you get the less picky you are. Feed the dog a meal and after 5 minutes pick up the bowl and put it away until the next meal. After a day or two the dog will start eating whatever dry food you put out for it.




Second this. Feeding it meat three times a day? Yuck.

The dog will eat when it's good and hungry. 

This doesn't solve the overall problem, however. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I am a cruel person.

I would tell your husband you want a divorce. This is not what you signed up for at all.

Why in the world did you get pregnant?

Tell your husband he either gets to work and takes care of the dog or you take it to the pound and have it put down. I would. In a heartbeat. Obviously he does not really care about the dog at all, so it does not really matter to him.

There are tens of thousands of dogs put down every month. That animal is just another one. If there is not a human bonded closely to it, there is no difference between it and some cute puppy at the pound hoping to find a home. Have that one destroyed and there is a slightly better chance that cute puppy might find a home.

Tens of thousands per month. People breed way too many dogs, and do not take care of them.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Poor dog.

Please give it up for adoption so it can have a decent life.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Tell him your done being the dog caretaker!

That if he wants to keep the dog he needs to ...walk it,feed it,clean up after it and most of all spend time with it and love it.

Ask him if the sister can take it.

Tell him your pregnacy is making to difficult and feeding him and cleaning up after it is making you feel sick to your stomach!


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

The question is...

What does she do if he just ignores her?

I guarantee he will just ignore her. She has to have a plan of action to put into effect when he does nothing. So what is her action going to be?

She can do like I would, and take the animal to the pound. I bet they will just destroy it. Turn in animals almost never get placed, so don't get her hopes up about it finding a new home. That's just some sort of smoke and mirrors. But hey, I would do it. One less mongrel to waste air.

Maybe she could go on strike as far as opening the laundry room door goes. No more laundry until that room is spotless and kept spotless. Maybe no more laundry ever! Let her lazy ass husband take over the laundry detail. Stupid guy deserves it.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

This is what happens when people that have a mind and a mouth to speak up, clearly and concise do not dare to open their mouth, because they do not have the guts to be assertive, and say what needs to be said. Instead they start behaving with a passive/agressive demeanor in hope that the other person (s) would read their mind, and do what their wishing for the other people to do. 

OP, just speak up, say what you need to say to your husband and SIL period, and mean it.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Magnesium said:


> Poor dog.
> 
> Please give it up for adoption so it can have a decent life.


This. My heart broke reading this thread. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Communicate. Tell your husband that you will no longer be the dog's caretaker. He is taking advantage of your passiveness. Either he takes care of it or the dog lives somewhere else (maybe with your sister in law). 

While you're at it, you should probably have a discussion about how the care of the baby will be shared.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am a dog lover and have now got my 5th rescue dog. I will never understand why anyone would keep a dog outside and/or shut away from their family(pack). We just don't do that in the UK, dogs are kept insideand enjoyed with the family.

You do need to talk to your husband about this, be firm and say that you dont want things to stay as they are, but to be honest it would be far easier for you if the dog just came in the house properly. No more scrubbing out the room or flies on the food. Your insistence on having the dog outside is causing you far more work. 
PLease don't take the dog to the pound, sounds like it may be a death sentence. In the UK we have many dog 
rescue charities, surely you have similar places there who wont put the dog down?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

It sounds like this is really bothering you. Sit down with your husband and explain exactly what you told us. Unless he's a jerk, he'll listen and work with you to make things better. If he's a jerk, you've got bigger problems than the dog.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

I don’t want you all to think the dog is neglected. It’s taken care of, just that I am doing all the work. 
I don’t want it to be inside, as I prefer to keep the house animal free. Also, our landlord does not allow pets inside either. 
I play with it all the time so it is getting socialization. 
The reason my sister in law comes twice a week is because the dog was also her’s. Actually, not sure whose it is officially, but both my husband and her used to take care of it. But she’s living in an apartment so she can’t keep it. 

I’m not a confrontational person at all. I avoid conflict. That’s a bad aspect about me that I need to work on to be more assertive. Another reason is because we got married 6 months ago. Literally newly weds. I don’t want to create an issue already. My husband loves the dog and if I even mention taking it to a shelter, he would not be happy. I also would prefer to keep it, but with more ground rules. 

Thanks for the input everyone.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Is there a reason it's eating a raw diet?
What's the breed?


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Satya said:


> Is there a reason it's eating a raw diet?
> What's the breed?


I don’t know why they want to feed it a raw diet. It’s what they’ve always done. 
The breed is a bulldog staffy mix. 

I’ve been doing more research on how much and what dogs should eat. I’ll try to tell them the correct thing to feed it.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I have some experience with raw diets, and they can be a good thing if executed properly. Thing is, raw chicken drumsticks being tossed on the floor is not a raw diet. You need a certain ratio of meat, bone, and organ. It's really a lifestyle and takes some dedication and investment. If they are concerned about feeding a quality diet, they should just look at grain-free dry or canned food. Especially in this type of situation.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Annizka said:


> I’m not a confrontational person at all. I avoid conflict. That’s a bad aspect about me that I need to work on to be more assertive. Another reason is because we got married 6 months ago. Literally newly weds. I don’t want to create an issue already. My husband loves the dog and if I even mention taking it to a shelter, he would not be happy. I also would prefer to keep it, but with more ground rules.


It's good that you recognize this. The dog is symptomatic of a bigger issue. Not just for you and your husband, but for ALL spouses. Many spouses don't address things that bother them head-on, and over time the resentment builds up. This becomes corrosive and can kill a relationship. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and sometimes engaging in "conflict" in a constructive way is the heavy lifting that ultimately will save the marriage. Advocate for yourself and seek the win-win with your spouse.


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