# Which gender would you prefer?



## scareditsgone (Apr 5, 2012)

Hey Guys so I recently posted a thread (Wish I knew what my husband is thinking/feeling?!??!) I won't go through the whole story again to save you guys time. MY question is.....if you agreed to go to couples counseling with your wife or significant other, as a male, would you prefer one gender therapist over another? I can't believe that my husband actually agreed to go to one session so I really want to make it the best possible. I can't ask him because he may try to get out of it...so would you prefer a male or female therapist? Would it be easier for you to speak to a woman? Would you feel like only a man would understand your point of view?

Thanks!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

As a guy, I would actually prefer a female therapist. Perhaps I feel that if she agreed with me, my wife would understand it better coming from another woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I think personally I would prefer a female therapist, but that's because I've had good experiences there. 

If I was skeptical and my wife was making the appointment, I can imagine I'd prefer a male, all other things equal. Eliminate all chance of making it appear to be a "gang up on the guy" scenario.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Just make sure whichever gender the therapist is, they can relate to both spouses...

From personal experience, let me suggest avoiding obese lesbian feminists, cause they really have little capacity to understand the masculine side of the relationship (yes I could be generalizing based on my one experience)


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Beelzebub said:


> Women are crazy and never ever a good judge, hormons and monthly time effect their judgment even if they are smart and strong.


Wow. I prefer a woman therapist because they tend to be more in touch with feelings and how to approach them.

My female therapist is great. My male one was good too (years ago) but he was more factual and wasn't very in touch with the FEELINGS around my issues.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Sort of unrelated.

I have a female physcian. First one I have ever had in my life. I have been going to her for years.

She is fanastic. It took a while to get comfortable with her, but now I feel like I could discuss any issue comfortably.

I say she is great because she is a great Doctor, and a great person, not because she is a woman.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

When my wife and I had problems early on in our marriage,I suggested MC and I deliberately chose a female counsellor who she [ my wife ] was familiar with.
It did have the desired effect.....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lon said:


> Just make sure whichever gender the therapist is, they can relate to both spouses...
> 
> F*rom personal experience, let me suggest avoiding obese lesbian feminists, cause they really have little capacity to understand the masculine side of the relationship* (yes I could be generalizing based on my one experience)


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
I like the sound of that!
NMNG


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

To be honest, it depends on what I would want then to help with. I would choose a woman if I was trying to get help in convincing/teaching my wife of something, whereas I'd go with a guy if I was looking for support for something I though only a guy would get.

More importantly beyond the gender is the therapists views and approach. They would have to be someone I actually trust to listen to.

That's something you only know once you meet snd talk to them.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

When I started looking for a therapeutic counselor in my area, the vast majority (I'd say at least 80%) were women. I chose a woman with good credentials close to home. I really wasn't looking for a specific gender, but I'm very happy with my my choice because in retrospect I think she helped me get to the root causes of my emotional issues better than I think a guy could.

I've thought about taking my wife to couples counseling. If I do, I'll probably choose a woman again because of what I mentioned above and because I think my wife would better relate to her.

But yeah, I agree with Shaggy above. I've heard it said from others that you should never choose a therapist until you've interviewed at least three because you're entrusting your emotional well-being to this person.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Lon said:


> From personal experience, let me suggest avoiding obese lesbian feminists


LOL! You can't hide being obese, but if the counselor was lesbian and a feminist and let you know this about her or worse, let it influence her advice to you, then she wasn't very professional.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If a therapist isn't capable of remaining neutral, no matter what they're gender, they're not the right therapist - period. It isn't a therapist's role to get emotionally involved and take sides. The objective is to assist a client in recognizing negative behaviour, understanding it, finding ways to change it and, hopefully, learning to live a more harmonious life.

The gender of a therapist wouldn't matter to me, but their level of professionalism would.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

The person we saw for a short time was male and that would be my preference. He broke stuff down for me in a way that I understood - and explained to me certain things relating to my husband from a male perspective. When I got past my own stance on certain things, I was really able to get what he was saying and the part I played in that. In turn, he opened my husband's eyes of things about himself and how that related to where I was coming from. Of course, maybe he was just a good therapist and gender was irrelevant. I also liked that he wasn't 'stuffy' in his approach which is what I'd feared with seeing someone. My limited experience with these things would have me thinking it's about getting the right fit for you both and being open to the experience.

Can you not say to your husband what you wrote here? "It means a lot to me that you have agreed to do this. Do you have a preference of male or female therapist?"

While I understand you want to make it 'best as possible' - try to go without an expectation in mind and be open to the potential journey.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I was lucky because my therapist had a blog and I loved her point of view. I got the therapist I expected to get and she was fantastic!


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

I would want a male as he's more likely to help me understand the male point of view to further help me understand my SO.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

I have had both, the male seemed to be much more direct and straight forward, with not much empathy. The female seemed to be more caring but without some of the direct suggestions but she still put forth some suggestions in a different more caring way, but as man, I didn't feel as if she understood my emotions. 

I am sure there are some cold female counselors and some empathetic males. I think it depends on your personality and the counselors.I don't think there is a good answer to your question. 

By nature males want "fix things" whereas women want to communicate that they "care" and show "empathy" So this is a tough question, with a lot of variables: you, your needs at the time, and the counselors methods and their personality.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I would prefer a male therapist. My STBX would be more likely to take issues/suggestions seriously coming from a man than a woman. He always tends to side with the male's point of view when it comes to other people's conflict. So if he heard it from a man, how his decisions/actions had affected me, he'd probably be more apt to listen and he couldn't claim to be getting ganged up on just because she's/we're women.


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