# Does Fidelity even exists?



## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

As I've heard, read, seen... It seems like 95% of people are cheaters in this world... 
How come?

My God! Infidelity is EVERYWHERE!!! It buggs me terribly to find out someone who you never thought would be... is also a cheater...


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Venusina said:


> As I've heard, read, seen... It seems like 95% of people are cheaters in this world...
> How come?
> 
> My God! Infidelity is EVERYWHERE!!! It buggs me terribly to find out someone who you never thought would be... is also a cheater...


While I get your general overall point, I don't think
you've got your numbers right and I'm not sure where
you're getting those statistics.

It's a lot like a disease... unless you go through it yourself,
you never in a million years think that infidelity would happen to you. Until it does...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Successful marriages don't post on infidelity forums


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> While I get your general overall point, I don't think
> you've got your numbers right and I'm not sure where
> you're getting those statistics.


Well... I said 95% just because that's what I feel... Not real numbers 

So... infidelity it's as easy as to catch a cold?


Damn... 

I am always affraid my husband is going to cheat on me on the first opportunity. Yup... communication problems and insecurity...


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Well you have some issues of your own to deal with and i suggest that you refrain from looking at these threads because it only serves to increase your paranoia

There are a lot of people out there who know a thing or two about loyalty. Yes Males too


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I was faithful in my failing marriage.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Like the X Files... the Truth is Out There. However, if anything I have learned about infidelity... Cheaters are by very definition liars. From the Mayo-Clinic to the CDC to Oprah everyone has a NUMBER they put on cheating. 

What's the real truth? It will never be known. Can't be known.


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Successful marriages don't post on infidelity forums


And sometimes they do, conversely.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

My wife and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary in a couple of months.

I never cheated on her. She did become involved in, what I now term a light EA, several years ago. We have gone through some tough times and hard times together but neither of us went outside the marriage for support or validation.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I understand the paranoia. I shared my experience with only a few people -- but it turns out that at least five of them were cheaters at one point in their lives. My biggest challenge now that I'm newly single is finding a 'friend' who doesn't have the cheater baggage. Then again, maybe I'm asking too much.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I was faithful throughout my 11 yr marriage & our 14 month seperation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I've been faithful for 19 years. I very confident my wife has been two. We have multiple friends who have been faithful or have hidden phenomenally well.


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## Barnowl (May 31, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> or have hidden phenomenally well.


I think this is the scary part. I hid for three years. Probably would still be hiding, if my phone wouldn't have shown my wife all she needed to know. I think it is more prevalent than we know. I was always a "never going to cheat" type of person, and I did...I imagine there are more out there like me. Or perhaps it is just paranoia after reading too much TAM.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I was faithful in my 7 year marriage, I was also loyal and untempted in a 7 year LTR with high school gf years before that. My high school gf was loyal too, my ex W not so much - there were signs she could cheat before we married but I honestly put a lot of faith into thinking she was remorseful about those old times, chalked it up to youth.

Being faithful to me, especially after divorce, kinda makes you feel like you have less value (even though it proves you have more), or it could just that because I was never tempted I never felt like there was anyone attracted to me enough to cheat with. For several years of my miserable marriage I would probably have been easy pickings for any female that pursued me.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I have never cheated on anyone. 

Both my husbands have cheated on me. My first really serious boyfriend cheated on me. 

I believe the actual number of cheaters is much higher than most people think. Most people don't even think about it - I think they figure if they don't think about it, it won't happen to them. Can't happen to them.

If there was ever a guy who NO one thought would cheat, it's my current hubby.

So, yeah, fidelity does exist. It is, IMO, rare though.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP,

Fidelity exists. It does.

While majority of the posters here are betrayed, most of the posters have followed ethics. I dont believe that "95%" is real.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Venusina said:


> As I've heard, read, seen... It seems like 95% of people are cheaters in this world...
> How come?
> 
> My God! Infidelity is EVERYWHERE!!! It buggs me terribly to find out someone who you never thought would be... is also a cheater...


Your stats are way off. 

Some of the unreliable stats suggest cheating occurs in 60 percent of men and 40 percent of woman. 

Some of the most reliable university studies however show that only 40 percent of men cheat and 20 percent of woman. 

I am monogamous with no desire to cheat. The thought of cheating seams too jerry springer to me.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

RWB said:


> Like the X Files... the Truth is Out There. However, if anything I have learned about infidelity... Cheaters are by very definition liars. From the Mayo-Clinic to the CDC to Oprah everyone has a NUMBER they put on cheating.
> 
> What's the real truth? It will never be known. Can't be known.


while that may be true. Cheating is something men brag about even if it never happened. So likely the stat for men is higher than is real. 

The stat for woman is the cheating is on the rise for them. 

Still, there are many people who prefer to be monogamous and who feel cheating is just too sleazy.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Barnowl said:


> I think this is the scary part. I hid for three years. Probably would still be hiding, if my phone wouldn't have shown my wife all she needed to know. I think it is more prevalent than we know. I was always a "never going to cheat" type of person, and I did...I imagine there are more out there like me. Or perhaps it is just paranoia after reading too much TAM.


I think that type of thinking is something that a cheater uses as a justification. 

Personally, I think it is rarer than suspected. 

Cheating for women is supposedly on the rise, yet I have a lot of female friends and acquaintances who have never cheated and whom claim it would not be acceptable. 

There are plenty who boast about their "yummy" conquests too. 

I think boasting about an affair is on the rise because having an affair is considered cool, lately.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

IMO there are a million more ways to find people, to connect outside of marriage now, than even twenty years ago. FB, AIM, Cellphones, and video games all allow us to be wired in. I work with computers but have a decent social life and have no problem disconnecting. I have an experiment anyone should run. Pick one day, a SAT, where you have no real obligations. Turn your cell off, computer off, tv off, and xbox off. Then walk around the house and see all the junk you have to do. Hang out with your family, friends, or W. 
Life is a lot different when you have to pay attention to someone. I hate it when you are out with friends or other people and they are buried in their smart phone looking at youtube video's or checking emails. 
Heck one time I went out and that's what all my friend were doing one time. 
If you are buried in your social network it is very easy to forget the people right in front of you. I mean do you really need to know how your first boyfriend/girlfriend is doing from high school. Will that information add any value to your life. I mean spending a hour on FB everyday means nothing to anyone. 
I work in computers all day and when I am home. I don't want to mess with them any more. I can literally see the death of face to face communication. 
When my parents grew up they had party lines. Communication outside of marriage was very limited because it was not possible to have 300 FB friends, a twitter page, a 34 lvl ranger was played by a few nerds in basement not by millions of interconnected people. In today's fast paced world unless you choose to take time away from work, FB, AIM, and anything else online, you will lose that connection you have with your spouse. My Wife's EA started from a chance encounter from a FB page. Then the phone, which lead to her meeting the OM through her friend over the phone. Her EA would not have happened in 1994.

Men IMO need to get their family to unplug and go outside and spend time together.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

badbane said:


> IMO there are a million more ways to find people, to connect outside of marriage now, than even twenty years ago. FB, AIM, Cellphones, and video games all allow us to be wired in. I work with computers but have a decent social life and have no problem disconnecting. I have an experiment anyone should run. Pick one day, a SAT, where you have no real obligations. Turn your cell off, computer off, tv off, and xbox off. Then walk around the house and see all the junk you have to do. Hang out with your family, friends, or W.
> Life is a lot different when you have to pay attention to someone. I hate it when you are out with friends or other people and they are buried in their smart phone looking at youtube video's or checking emails.
> Heck one time I went out and that's what all my friend were doing one time.
> If you are buried in your social network it is very easy to forget the people right in front of you. I mean do you really need to know how your first boyfriend/girlfriend is doing from high school. Will that information add any value to your life. I mean spending a hour on FB everyday means nothing to anyone.
> ...


:iagree:


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Of course fidelity exists. So does infidelity.

These are major life issues, they're the ones taught in the Bible, in Shakespeare, in all of great literature.

It has nothing to do with social media or the internet. It's who we are as humans. These are the great issues that all humans have grappled with.

Doesn't really help, except to know that you are not the first and not the last to have to deal with this pain.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I have asked that question too. I never realized how traumatic infidelity was until it happened to me. I believe it caused PTSD. I am so scared of it happening again I try to figure out in my mind how to not let that fear ruin me. Guess that is why I'm here. I really think as long as im in a relationship that the chances are it will happen again. Next to losing someone you love, being cheated on is next in level of pain. It is devastating. I long for my youthful days of innocence.


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