# sex starved and unhappy



## FLgirl (Nov 7, 2009)

Hi there. I am new to all this and would really like some advice. My H and I are 35 and have been married for 10 years. We have been together for the last 17 years. We have 3 kids. We have always had a good marriage up until 2 years ago. His sexual appitite has gone way down (once every 1 - 2 weeks is good for him). Meanwhile my appitite has gone up (I would like 3 -4 times a week). At least I think I'd like to have sex that much... since we haven't done that since before the kids were born, I don't know. I intitate sex frequently, I am turned down frequently. I continually tell him how hot he is and that I love and want him. I make it a point to flirt with him and get him to flirt back. I am adventurous and give frequent BJs. I love sex with him most of the time.. but in the last 2 years he won't take to time to get me to climax as often. So when we do have sex it's usually quick and all about him. I'm left turned on while he is going to sleep. 

All of this makes me feel terrably resistable. I guess I feel like those cookies in the pantry that are always around. Why would you rush home to eat one of those? Their always available so why would he make an effort? 

I have talked to him and he says he loves me, he has even gone so far as to say I've never looked better. He says I'm sexy and continually says I'm out of his league. I'm thinking maybe that is the problem - but that might be wishful thinking. Really he just doesn't seem interested in sex with me. Even after we talked about this, nothing changed. Also I am becoming paranoid that something else is going on. infidelity? What is the average sex drive of a 35 year old healthy male? yes, he is healthy, no medical reason for the down swing in sex. But he continually blows me off when I initiate (sometimes he is not very nice about it). 

Funny enough while he doen't seem interested in me sexually he has become very possessive. He never was before this. He has accused me of looking at other men, he checks my cell phone etc etc..

Today he even suggesteed that we should open up seperate checking accounts so we could each have our own "mad money" to spend. All I could think is that seperate accounts would make cheating a little easier for him. Mind you I have no proff of this... Several of my husbands friends were recently caught having affairs. Could it be birds that flock together... Maybe I'm just paranoid. What do you think?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You were bang on the money about the pantry full of cookies.
Stop the BJs until he reciprocated to your satisfaction. Let him hunt you down a bit.



FLgirl said:


> Today he even suggesteed that we should open up seperate checking accounts so we could each have our own "mad money" to spend. All I could think is that seperate accounts would make cheating a little easier for him. Mind you I have no proff of this... Several of my husbands friends were recently caught having affairs. Could it be birds that flock together... Maybe I'm just paranoid. What do you think?


Yes, it sounds like he is revving up for an affair or to just plain leave you. What a jerk.


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## FLgirl (Nov 7, 2009)

What do you think about the sudden possesive behavior? This is also very new. It started about the time he lost interest in me sexually. Isn't that funny, he doesn't want me, but he damn sure is paranoid that others do. We have been together a long time and I have been hit on in front of him before... normally he just laughs and says stuff like he doesn't blame the guy he would hit on me too. But now nothing even happens and he is going off the wall. Mind you he is never mad at the guy who might have looked at me.. he accuses me of looking at him. I feel attacked and I am not even doing anything wrong!! I wish I could take it as a compliment.. you know like he is afraid of loosing me and therefore still wants me. But he acts like I'm some sort of ***** just for sitting next to him in a restaurant. Meanwhile we have been together since highschool... I am so sheltered it is not even funny. I guess that is why this whole things scares the beejesus out of me. I wouldn't know how to be single if he left me.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Did you try my suggestions?


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## FLgirl (Nov 7, 2009)

well I am trying to be less "available" to him. Also I am cutting back on the flirting and showering him with positive attantion. I think u are right, he might need to chase it to appreciate it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

If after you have made a few changes, he does not start wanting you, you can say to him - don't bother being possessive if you don't want sex with me.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

This makes me sad.. How can a guy who says he loves you not want to make love to you?? If he is having issues with his self-esteem he needs to see somebody. What is odd is he doesn't want sex with you but is possesive. So he rather see you wilt then make you bloom. Pretty selfish. That doesn't sound so love like..


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## crudeoilbear (Nov 11, 2009)

I am in the same boat per say but just the other way around. My wife has no sex drive at all. I understand how you feel, almost like your worthless. But don't think that way, there are medical reasons why people lose their drive. Talk to your H and see if he would consider seeing a doctor for it. Hope it works for you.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Maybe they are tired? fumbling uncomfortable? i've learned that when the sex gets much better it get's more frequent. Also when you do it makes a difference. Saturday afternoon good, Monday night at 10:30 pm not good.


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## FLgirl (Nov 7, 2009)

Good point Martino... I will say that when he is into it - and doen't insists of a quicky - the sex is off the charts, eye crossing, mind melding good - no great. I guess I'm finding it hard to believe that once or twice every two weeks is normal. I shudder to think how infrequently it would happen if I just stopped pushing the issue. You have no idea the lengths I have gone to in order to entice him. But maybe you are right... maybe he is too tired or whatever the excuse of the day is. I mean maybe the general consensus about men wanting sex more thatn women is just wrong. Maybe most guys don't like stilettos and leather. Damn, all I know is I'm tired of putting myself out there to be shot down or laughed at for attempting to seduce my own husband!!!! <sigh>...sorry for the out burst. I know I shouldn't be angry, but damn.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Sexual frustration has a way of making people angry. Why do you see so many marriages at each others throats?? it's not cause they are getting a lot of sex. It usually is the opposite. Why can't we all be on the same page??


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