# What have progress have you made?



## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

What progress have you made since separating/divorcing?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I no longer question my worth
I no longer have constant anxiety all day long
I can sleep for 8+ hours straight without waking up in a panic attack after only a few hours
I don't cry anymore...tear up and feel sad but don't ball my eyes out
I am eating again on a regular basis
I started exercising regularly
Got back into my hobbies
I now enjoy going home
I take the time to enjoy my experience with people, even conversation with strangers 
I don't fear change anymore
I am learning to love myself and getting to know my strength/weaknesses
I realize living in fear is trying to control things...working on throwing fear out the window and live in the NOW
Learning to say "no" and have boundaries when it comes to things I won't compromise on (inner values)
I don't worry what people think about me or how I live my life anymore


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Vi, that is a great list. I am closer to my children now, I no longer have to pretend to be a perfect Mom, I can accept my limitations, I have shown them how to cope with a difficult time.


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## susan1m (Oct 4, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> I no longer question my worth
> I no longer have constant anxiety all day long
> I can sleep for 8+ hours straight without waking up in a panic attack after only a few hours
> I don't cry anymore...tear up and feel sad but don't ball my eyes out
> ...



Wooo Hooo! You took the words right out of my mouth! I would only add that I'm learning to trust my feelings and my intuition. It's only gonna get better from here!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I paid off all my debt, paid off my car, went skiing for the first time (bucket list), discovered a passion in cooking, have saved $ for the first time in my life, improved my credit significantly, had my first rebound/dating experience, enrolled in a math class at a level that was always so difficult for me and PASSED with a high grade!, and feel more like a woman now than I ever have in my life. I feel more centered.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> I no longer question my worth
> I no longer have constant anxiety all day long
> I can sleep for 8+ hours straight without waking up in a panic attack after only a few hours
> I don't cry anymore...tear up and feel sad but don't ball my eyes out
> ...


So many times the things you say could be written by me too. it's weird! lol get outta my brain!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> So many times the things you say could be written by me too. it's weird! lol get outta my brain!


 I feel the same way reading your posts. 

I think we could hang out and have some fun times, Scarlet 

I love seeing other strong women on this board :smthumbup:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I paid off all my debt, paid off my car, went skiing for the first time (bucket list), discovered a passion in cooking, have saved $ for the first time in my life, improved my credit significantly, had my first rebound/dating experience, enrolled in a math class at a level that was always so difficult for me and PASSED with a high grade!, and feel more like a woman now than I ever have in my life. I feel more centered.


That's great, Jellybeans!!

I am also paying off my debt and getting things together financially. Its alot different now that I don't have someone wanting to spend money on frivolous things when there are other bills to pay off....

Feeling centered is such a great mood booster. Keep up the great work on yourself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

vi_bride04 said:


> I am also paying off my debt and getting things together financially.
> 
> Feeling centered is such a great mood booster.


Haha. It's a GREAT feeling. I love hearing all of your updates, too! :smthumbup:


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

I don't owe Target anymore and I can vacuum now without having to dust first.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I have confidence in who I am as a person and like myself
I have confidence in my abilities at my job and at home
I don't worry about what he's going to say or do as much as I used to (I do occasionally worry about court actions - sometimes my decisions are governed by what a judge would say)
I have taken my credit score from below 500 to over 750, paid off a car and bought a house
I am comfortable being alone vs. being relieved that I am alone
I feel I can love now tho I'm still a bit afraid of it.
I'm generally confident that I can handle most things that come my way.
I know how to set boundaries and say No


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I feel more like myself. More like I remember feeling as a kid. Still have a wide range of emotions, more in touch with them and equipped to deal with them. Better at communicating though. I have got rid of a lot of the 'shoulds' that ruled my life. I'm a lot more open-minded about stuff. Feel like life is more real, not having to keep make excuses for H.

Significantly reduced debt, more free time, better relationship, work is more enjoyable, social life is more to my liking. 

Life isn't perfect but it is real life which is good. I'm no longer waiting for anything to get better, it just is what it is which is basically good even though sh*t does happen it can be worked through, not the end of the world.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I have a smile on my face when I wake up

I look forward to every day.

I get to dance, something I always wanted to do.

When I go out I get to focus on having fun and not if I am upsetting the ex or how I am making her look, wondering if I'm doing anyhting to set her off.

Won't lie, it's nice to get hit on and not feel guilty about playing back.

I feel like my old self. Big smile on my face, making people laugh, making a positive, lasting impression on people.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I feel more like myself. More like I remember feeling as a kid.





COguy said:


> I feel like my old self. Big smile on my face, making people laugh, making a positive, lasting impression on people.





Jellybeans said:


> ....and feel more like a woman now than I ever have in my life. I feel more centered.





EnjoliWoman said:


> I have confidence in who I am as a person and like myself



:smthumbup:

Amazing that the dark dark days that everyone has went through gives them this much confidence in themselves. 

So much positive, even in the most negative situations. Even if it takes a few months/years to get there. 

Congrats you guys


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And congrats to you, Ms. Vi!

It is truly amazing, to think how resilient we all are. It's crazy to think we thought the world was ending, that there'd be no happy days. To that I say, YEAH, RIGHT! LOL.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

thought of a couple for myself aside from snagging the ones from vi's post

i stopped wishing i was someone i'm not.stopped wishing i was prettier,smarter,thinner,etc.
i got happy with me

oddly enough,my physical health issues faded away seemingly out of nowhere.now,i can't put the blame on my stressful lifestyle with my exhusband but it sure is interesting how they simply vanished after settling into my single life...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think you don't realize how valuable a treasure your true self is until you sacrifice it for another human and have to work to get it back. You think, wow, that was a close one. How could I have turned my back on myself all that time, and given my life energy to another human being who was keeping all their energy as well as taking mine and basically flushing it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> oddly enough,my physical health issues faded away seemingly out of nowhere.now,i can't put the blame on my stressful lifestyle with my exhusband but it sure is interesting how they simply vanished after settling into my single life...


:rofl: Sounds like it was a complete coincidence!!! Lol



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think you don't realize how valuable a treasure your true self is until you sacrifice it for another human and have to work to get it back. You think, wow, that was a close one. How could I have turned my back on myself all that time, and given my life energy to another human being who was keeping all their energy as well as taking mine and basically flushing it.


:iagree: Omg so true. When we're in a "couple" we do kind of lose ourselves, our identity. It's strange to have to find the way back from that, the path back to ourselves, our true selves, not bound by a relationship. It's fun though!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think you don't realize how valuable a treasure your true self is until you sacrifice it for another human and have to work to get it back. You think, wow, that was a close one. How could I have turned my back on myself all that time, and given my life energy to another human being who was keeping all their energy as well as taking mine and basically flushing it.


I said almost this exact thing to someone the other night.

I can't believe I let someone rob me of myself! My fun loving, positive self that everyone loved and always complimented. I'm glad to be back and I won't ever let someone steal that from me again.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Sounds like it was a complete coincidence!!! Lol


totally 
a lil ot but funny incident that happened, exH and i work at the same firm so about 6 months after i left he made a comment saying something like wow scarlet you haven't called out sick even once in 6 months and you are so full of energy!! that's awesome!

I almost bit my own tongue off trying to keep from being a jerk and saying "yeah it's funny what not living in an anal retentive ocd 'sleeping with the enemy' household will do for a lady!"

but i was polite,smiled and said thanks.


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

I guess I'm still trying to find myself then but totall y agree with the posts.

The last time I knew myself I was 18 (now 42) and I'm definately not a teenager anymore.

I think I'm still in the getting to know you phase of my new found self.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> thought of a couple for myself aside from snagging the ones from vi's post
> 
> i stopped wishing i was someone i'm not.stopped wishing i was prettier,smarter,thinner,etc.
> i got happy with me
> ...


Hmmm funny how getting out of extremely stressful situations makes your health better.

I was having a hell of time losing weight while with STBXH. Since I've moved out, I'm down 2 pants sizes so far. And I haven't changed that much about my lifestyle to warrent a huge loss like that. I can only attribute it to being stress free and not emotional eating 

Plus I can eat whatever I want, not having to give in to STBXH sugary sweet and high carb demands for meals. Lots more veggies, salads and whole foods as well as raw. I am loving it.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmm funny how getting out of extremely stressful situations makes your health better.
> 
> I was having a hell of time losing weight while with STBXH. Since I've moved out, I'm down 2 pants sizes so far. And I haven't changed that much about my lifestyle to warrent a huge loss like that. I can only attribute it to being stress free and not emotional eating
> 
> Plus I can eat whatever I want, not having to give in to STBXH sugary sweet and high carb demands for meals. Lots more veggies, salads and whole foods as well as raw. I am loving it.


2 pants sizes is AWESOME!!! You should feel like a million bucks woman!! 

oh h*ll yeah eating what you want to eat instead of catering to someone else's dietary pitfalls and cravings is absolutely fabulous!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Thanks for starting this thread, brokenmama - it's a nice positive change from some of the other threads


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Finding that line of nurturing yourself and giving of yourself in a relationship is very difficult. I think that is why the Great Creator made us into halves of a partnership, so that we would constantly be finding the balance, an activity which is so finely designed as to keep us busy so we don't realize we are gaining ground on death...Great Creator has a big sense of humor.

That said, I am spending the afternoon and early evening working on my other half's inventory spreadsheets. Trading for a hand-blown glass mixing bowl, or something like that, aquarium cleaning and consulting, and bicycle maintenance, as well as home-brewed mead. I would say that's balance. Inventory spreadsheets are boring as h*ll, it would be codependent of me to do this free of charge.


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## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

I have found Love again. First, I found it in my heart. I learned again what my heart loved about this life. 
I knew then what I needed. 
Then, I asked for a chance. 
And...I got it!
Now, I have never been happier. My kids and I and now my Angel to keep my faith in this world!
God in fact does have a person out there for us, but unless we are prepared to accept his love we cant find it. 
I lived for years in denial and found nothing but darkness, now the light of my days shines so bright I need shades! 
Now, I will re-marry but not for any of the reasons I did 20 years ago!! 
I have learned that I am a very lucky man, and should never complain! No matter the 10's of thousands of dollars in lawyer's fees, accoutants, etc. No matter the reduction in wealth and loss of future earnings!
For now I have found the one that completes me, the other half and I count my blessings every day!!
Divorce was a gift and all the pain and suffering, the stress, the dissapointment was just an adjustment to the greatest and most significant change ever in my life. 
I am stunned and still find it so unbeleivable that I found her...but I will never again question God's Love!


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