# Verbal Abuse is getting worse



## Stupid wife (Mar 20, 2013)

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now.
His name calling has gone to calling me "stupid" to now a F'n C__t
B__ch. He gets in a rage and I have to run away from him but he just bangs on the door and almost breaks it.
He get in my face all the time.
I am so down on myself right now.
I told him that He Makes me want to die!
Help please.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

This is one of the things I'm very hard core about. My wife and I have had our issues, but I'd never talk to her or treat her this way, and wouldn't tolerate for one second being treated like that myself. It's a dealbreaker in my book. Leave him. Talk to your family. My oldest daughter is married. If I found out her husband treated her that way, there'd be hell to pay and I'd help her out any way I possibly could.

You know what's really awful? It's going to get worse. And worse. Don't put up with it at all.


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

How long did you date before marriage? How old are you both? Do you have the means to leave/support yourself? Is your sex life still good? I might have some advice other than GET AWAY FROM THE ABUSER...but I need more info...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why are you staying in an abusive relationship? If you tell us that, maybe we can help. 

Your husband isn't going to change until you stop allowing him to treat you like this. Scratch that... He's not going to change for the BETTER until you stop allowing it. He'll likely get worse, like physically abusing you. Your best bet, get out. Don't tell him you're doing it, just get out to someplace safe. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He is already escalating, and it will turn physical very soon. You need to remove yourself from this situation.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My ex h treated me this way. I left and it was the best thing I ever did.

You need to leave the marriage. File a restraining order if needed. His abuse will only esculate.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I know how you're feeling because I'm going through it myself. My STBXH had been phoning me since June (and sometimes in person), screaming at me, calling me names, accusing me of everything wrong in his life, depression, etc. I took it for many months and after every call, I feel SO worthless, degraded, and little that I want to just cry. 

I started to feel scared that he may come over and hurt me in one of his rages, so I got some help. Been talking to a Domestic Violence counselor...i never knew that he was verbally and mentally abusing me. I thought it all was part of the divorce process. (Stupid, I know) 

I'm taking my steps to protect myself. I was told last night by the detective working on my case that I don't have enough proof. 

SW, start recording every call! You can't use it in a divorce court, but you can use it in a criminal court. Go to your local police station and file a report. It's a start and if he's calling you from work, let his boss know. That's what I did and I think it's working....he hasn't called in a week.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

When things start getting heated and disrespectful, leave. I don't mean retreat to a bedroom and listen to the moron bang on the door. I mean leave the house. I wouldn't wait for abusive language. I would about-face and depart at the first sign of disrespectful language. Sooner or later, Potty Mouth is going to figure out that if he wants a wife, he's got to monitor his language and tone. 
People do this crap only when and where they can get away with it. If the police were called to your house, he wouldn't be screaming at them and calling them ugly names....at least not twice. If he works he doesn't act like a crazed maniac at work. There's no reason he can't pull his head out of his buttocks and join the human race when he's home, too. 
It's ok to disagree. It's ok to argue. It's even necessary in a marriage. It's no ok to treat one's spouse with disrespect. It's not ok to yell and scream and throw a hissy fit like a constipated two year old. Matter-of-fact, no man worth two cents treats any woman in the manner you described. You are not stupid, so I wish you'd change your handle. You're a human-being, made in the very image of the Creator of the Universe. He formed you in the womb and knows exactly how many hairs you have and he doesn't intend for you to be disrespected or verbally abused. In a way, we teach others how to treat us. If he's yelling and screaming but you're still there, you're teaching him that his conduct is ok. Even the dumbest dog can learn to modify behavior with consistent training. Set firm boundaries of conduct and then enforce them as if they are carved on stone tablets from Mt Sinai.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

notperfectanymore said:


> How long did you date before marriage? How old are you both? Do you have the means to leave/support yourself? Is your sex life still good? I might have some advice other than GET AWAY FROM THE ABUSER...but I need more info...


I agree. I was verbally abusive but I changed. It can be done. But my wife emotionally left the marriage years ago. He may be able to change, can you? If you've left the marriage already, keep walking. If you still think you can love him, maybe you can fix him.

Make sure he KNOWS what he loses if he doesn't change. You. 

Make sure he KNOWS it.

K.N.O.W.S it.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Stupid wife said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now.
> His name calling has gone to calling me "stupid" to now a F'n C__t
> B__ch. He gets in a rage and I have to run away from him but he just bangs on the door and almost breaks it.
> He get in my face all the time.
> ...


Do you have children with him? Regardless, first thing is to PLEASE cut off the sex and make sure not get pregnant. Second, please contact friends and/or family and make sure somebody knows what's going on and develop an exit plan with attorney assistance and follow it. Abusers never change and only get worse. If only we could brand these people on the cheek so everybody would avoid them.


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## Stupid wife (Mar 20, 2013)

My husband and I only dated 1 year before we where married.
I keep feeling like its my fault. He says I fly off the handle.
Well this h of mine owns his own company and I have no extra cash to fall back on. 
I've been thru an abusive physical relationship before but I think verbal is almost worse.
Everyone is telling me to leave. Well it's very hard to leave because he'll take my keys or walk in front of me and the front door. Then he says, I'll leave then! Well I said please do and then he does and always comes back.
I do love this man and we do have some good times together.
Problem is he's a workaholic and comes home late all the time. (I know where he's at at all times thru GPS). He's so worn out and all I want to do is ask him questions about bills, family issues, etc and that's when he goes off. My h is 42 and I am 46.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Stupid wife said:


> My husband and I only dated 1 year before we where married.
> I keep feeling like its my fault. He says I fly off the handle.
> Well this h of mine owns his own company and I have no extra cash to fall back on.
> I've been thru an abusive physical relationship before but I think verbal is almost worse.
> ...


Honey, NONE of this excuses his words nor his actions. I know it's hard to leave. My sister went through that as well. But nothing gives him the right to speak to you the way he does. He has no business calling you stupid, nor anything else you mentioned. Yes, everyone is telling you to leave him because they see the abuse and they are worried about you. You said he's a workaholic... why can't you get your necessities together one day, while he's working, and just leave? Don't give him any indication at all that you are doing it, and go. And if you're going to mention him taking the keys, etc... ok, get a plan in place with friends and/or family...and execute it. Just get OUT. No warning, just go. 

I know, you love him, right? But ask yourself (and I know you know the answer to this)... would a man who really loves his wife treat her this way? The answer is no. And I think you know this. Please, get out of there before it escalates further.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MrK said:


> I agree. I was verbally abusive but I changed. It can be done. But my wife emotionally left the marriage years ago. He may be able to change, can you? If you've left the marriage already, keep walking. If you still think you can love him, maybe you can fix him.
> 
> Make sure he KNOWS what he loses if he doesn't change. You.
> 
> ...


To be clear... her leaving MAY be the only thing that will wake him up to what he's doing.... but it may be too late.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> To be clear... her leaving MAY be the only thing that will wake him up to what he's doing.... but it may be too late.


I know for a fact it's too late for her, but that has more to do with her than him. She's gone. But she may be able to save him and his next wife.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

MrK said:


> I know for a fact it's too late for her, but that has more to do with her than him. She's gone. But she may be able to save him and his next wife.


Wherever there's life, there's hope.


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## MysteryMan1 (Nov 4, 2012)

You need to start getting an exit strategy together ASAP.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

And you stay why?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I know how you're feeling because I'm going through it myself. My STBXH had been phoning me since June (and sometimes in person), screaming at me, calling me names, accusing me of everything wrong in his life, depression, etc. I took it for many months and after every call, I feel SO worthless, degraded, and little that I want to just cry.
> 
> I started to feel scared that he may come over and hurt me in one of his rages, so I got some help. Been talking to a Domestic Violence counselor...i never knew that he was verbally and mentally abusing me. I thought it all was part of the divorce process. (Stupid, I know)
> 
> ...


It took working with my counselor (and sorry, OP for hijacking) but she told me DO NOT ENGAGE. She said he was trying to get a reaction out of me and to not give it to him. It was difficult - I felt I needed him to understand my side of things - I wanted to be heard. But that was really never going to happen.

Obviously you have to discuss business you share during this process and parenting decisions if there are children. 

At the very first raising of his voice or name he calls (I had post it's to remind me!) say "I'm going to hang up unless you can discuss X - that's why you/I called." or "I'm going to hang up if you call me another name/yell. The purpose of this conversation is to discuss X." 

If you can't even get that much in, then hang up, don't answer (unless you're ready to record). Send a text or email that you want to resolve issues civilly and that his tone/words are not acceptable and you will only discuss things in writing via email going forward.

Once the Ex realized every word would then be fully documented in writing, he was much more cooperative.  And phone calls never got out of hand - after that he was COLD and TERSE but not mean or yelling. I can handle that.


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

Stupid wife said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now.
> His name calling has gone to calling me "stupid" to now a F'n C__t
> B__ch. He gets in a rage and I have to run away from him but he just bangs on the door and almost breaks it.
> He get in my face all the time.
> ...


You seemed to be suffering from domestic abuse. You have got to let this verbal abuses stop. I suggest you call women'es help desk in your area.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> *It took working with my counselor (and sorry, OP for hijacking) but she told me DO NOT ENGAGE. She said he was trying to get a reaction out of me and to not give it to him. It was difficult - I felt I needed him to understand my side of things - I wanted to be heard. But that was really never going to happen.*
> 
> 
> *
> It's very hard, to disengage. We have this need/desire to be understood (and surely to God, if he heard me he'd understand me, right?!). It's a good place to be, that disengaged place. Hope you are doing well Enjoli.*


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

Stupid wife said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now.
> His name calling has gone to calling me "stupid" to now a F'n C__t
> B__ch. He gets in a rage and I have to run away from him but he just bangs on the door and almost breaks it.
> He get in my face all the time.
> ...


*Can you just leave? There is no where for this to end but a bad bad place. I worry for you. The longer you stay, the more "normal" this will start to feel for you. It's NOT NORMAL. You deserve better. issed:*


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