# Where do you draw the line?



## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I see a lot of pro and anti porn comments on here and I'm curious as to where people draw their lines and why. Let's set aside bi-directional stuff like prostitution, web cams, or phone sex lines. I'm just talking about one-direction consumption.

Where do you draw the line at unacceptable or at least uncomfortable? In the visual porn world, is it XXX graphic depictions of sex? R-rated stuff with exposed upper bodies and backsides along with sex but no visual naughty bits? Naked bodies without sexual activity? Sexual activity without showing any body parts that aren't normally publicly displayable? Are the lines different for video or stills? Does it matter if the viewing is done in private or together as a couple?

What about word porn? Do you object to graphic erotic stories? Romance novels that fully depict sexual activity but not as explicitly? 

Just curious.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

We dont watch porn at all. If a programme/film has sex scenes or full or partial nudity in it we don't watch it. I wouldn't watch it alone. If a drama I am watching has a sex scene in it or full or partial nudity I wasn't expecting, I would wizz it forward as I always record programmes as I hate the adverts. 
I love and respect my husband very much, and his body is the only one I want/need to see. He feels the same. He has always been very strict about this, for many many years before we met since he was a young adult, and I so respect him for it. Its not easy for men to go against the flow, but many do and I admire them for being different in this day and age. 

I would never bring anyone else into our sex life, whether in person or on line or on TV. I don't read books like 50 shades, they are usually total rubbish. 

For me its a total no no. If a man doesn't love or respect me enough to stay away from porn then I am not interested and would rather be single.

Sex is for us alone, to us its so special and important to keep it that way.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I don't care what's in the media. I don't have hangups and sex sells. Look at all the futuristic movies/tv shows, nevermind present ones, all glamorizing sex. Sex robots, sex dolls, sex workers. Sex is part of being human and it sells very well.

So, that being said, I don't like porn use when there's a committed relationship involved. For the simple reason that porn is a form of psychological addiction and can reach many extremes, just like alcoholism, gaming addiction, gambling, etc. So, if one spouse uses porn rather than make their PARTNER the "porn" (and the other partner doesn't condone or appreciate porn in the same way) there is going to be hurt. At some point. And that hurt will grow as the addiction becomes stronger. No Fap wouldn't exist without there being some basis of fact and science about porn addiction. 

If both partners like watching porn, that's a mutually agreed upon thing and totally different. That's the couples preference. 

And, if single, I'd come to expect some kind of porn use eventually, but again, I'd be cautious about a man or woman learning to separate from the porn before thinking of having any kind of intimate relationship. 

Odo doesn't watch porn and never has. He says I'm all the porn he needs. I think many women would appreciate hearing that but I believe many do not... And it can be hurtful to think that you are not enough.

There will always be someone sexier and prettier than me. That's reality. I just give ZFs about it.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Its hard to draw a line when the beach is so big.  Research shows (and i can validate with my own history) that something that turns 'you' on (porn) changes, and you constantly try to find something new for your next dose of pleasure. While it may start innocently enough, it may end up with some weird taboo addiction.

For me, i think the line is when porn consumption alters someones perceptions and realities of SEX with their significant other. Instead of enjoying each others bodies, and pleasures, they are more in it for a reenactment of their addiction. 

Porn is also often coupled with masturbation and it has a double effect of reducing desire for real sex (because you just ejaculated) and diminishing what real sex with a real women is supposed to be like.

I ask this.... How many guys can name their most favorite porn sites .VS. being able to tell you how many 'orgasmic' spots a women has on their vagina... 


I think Diana7 is an extreme example... forwarding love scenes? that seems obsessive


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Steve2.0 said:


> Its hard to draw a line when the beach is so big. Research shows (and i can validate with my own history) that something that turns 'you' on (porn) changes, and you constantly try to find something new for your next dose of pleasure. While it may start innocently enough, it may end up with some weird taboo addiction.
> 
> For me, i think the line is when porn consumption alters someones perceptions and realities of SEX with their significant other. Instead of enjoying each others bodies, and pleasures, they are more in it for a reenactment of their addiction.
> 
> ...


No not love scenes, sex scenes. Scenes that have nudity. No problems with love at all.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Diana, do you guys masturbate at all? Just curious if you consider that a line crossed or not.


I have no problems with masturbation if for example one partner is ill or away for a time or if you are single. Its not something we do often because if one of us wants sex then we usually have sex. 
As my husband says though, you don't need to watch porn to masturbate. He has never watched porn and he watches little tv and even fewer films.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We seldom watch any porn, either together or alone, but really don't care if the other does - it has no impact at all on our relationship, and won't unless one of us starts to prefer porn over our partner. However, the only actual line would be illegal porn or something involving abuse. That said, there is a _lot_ of porn we'd both find distasteful that comes nowhere near those limits.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

We don’t warch porn. There is the occasional Hollywood mainstream movies with boobs or butts sure, but nothing that is overtly sexual or gratuitous. I don’t mind seeing nude women in movies, obviously, but I wouldn’t want to really seek it out. My wife does not like it at all, she gets jealous and will either fast forward or cover my eyes when a woman in a movie is naked for a while. We just don’t watch dirty movies or porn. 
I took my wife to Wood of Wallstreet when it was in theaters and there was so much sex and nudity in that movie that we weren’t aware of going in. It was a great movie which we enjoyed but she kept asking if I thought the leading actress was pretty or hot, and I said of course she is that’s why she is the leading lady. I could tell she was jealous. I didn’t ask her if she thought Leo was handsome, it’s a nonsense question to me, but to her she gets jealous when I notice younger women now that she has turned 40. She’s still sexy, but I know me seeing younger naked women in movies makes her jealous.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > Diana, do you guys masturbate at all? Just curious if you consider that a line crossed or not.
> ...


Thats cool. I was just curious because I know my wife never did it until 32 years old when I bought her a small vibe just for the two of us to use during sex. She had her first clitoral stimulation orgasm and has sense done it for herself maybe a hand full of times. Before that it was all G spot piv orgasms. I know it was her first because she talked about how different of a sensation it was and that she enjoyed it. If I never bought that, she probably still would have never masturbated. So I know there has to be plenty of people who don't masturbate at all if my wife didn't for that long. 

With all that said, is there ever a time you are not necessarily thinking of your husband but not thinking of any other particular man when masturbating? Sort of just focusing on the sensation of it all? I only ask because women are so much more about the mental in all of this generally speaking. So I would figure you have to be thinking about your husband while doing that. Would you find it disrespectful if you ever thought of someone else? Even a faceless nameless person, just a general fantasy about whatever it is that gets you going?. Not a particular person, just a fantasy, a made up person so to speak? 

Weird questions, sorry, I'm just trying to understand your mindset because it is so different from my own. For example I wouldn't take it as disrespect or a sign of her not loving me enough if my wife was having a fantasy that didn't involve me when masturbating. 

I also assume you think toys are unacceptable? Vibrators and things like that?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I will say I don't really have a problem with porn at all as long as it doesn't impact our sex life. I would actually prefer it in some ways. For example, my wife could be thinking of a coworker or something. No porn necessary for her fantasies of the mind. Like your husband said, you dont need porn to masturbate and I agree. But typically you have to be thinking of something. 

With porn, you aren't really thinking of another person, you are visually stimulated by the act of sex itself. The people might as well be faceless and nameless that you are watching. So in that regard, I don't really see it as worse off than say you are thinking of that cute guy/girl who made your coffee in the morning and fantasizing about that particular person. In fact, I would find that a little more disrespectful than viewing porn. I can only speak for myself obviously, because this is how I view porn. I would feel bad about myself if say I'm thinking of a coworker masturbating, instead of loading a quick video to get off. 

Of course there is no way to verify what is going on in the mind of someone masturbating. You just have to trust and take their word for it. Where as I can always check your browser history to see which porn you are watching and know you were masturbating to essentially faceless nameless people. You just needed the visual to help you glaze a knuckle as they say 

Of course I don't think my boundaries are for everyone. It is fascinating to see where other peoples boundaries are. No right or wrong, we are just different. It doesn't mean we love our spouses any more or less imo. I find it quite rude to insinuate that I don't love my wife enough or she doesnt love me enough if we watch porn or masturbate or to get into the mood together as a couple.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife is not threatened by pictures. She is secure and does not fear losing me to anyone, which are the two causes of jealousy. Men are visual creatures and my wife knows that she is the beneficiary of any arousal I get from watching porn. Even without porn men will fantasize in their minds and no one can stop that. I never understood why women felt watching porn is cheating or disrespectful. Does a wedding ring mean that your are caged and can only get sexual arousal from one person for the rest of your life? Maybe that is a reason why so many cheat and divorce. My wife does not care if I look at other women or watch porn. As a result we are married for 45 years. We do not believe that we own exclusive rights to each other's sexual thoughts or that we are half of a couple and not individuals with individual needs. I do not own my wife's body or sexual pleasure, and she does not own mine. She is very confident that porn is not going to destroy my love for her or our marriage. She has been right for a very long time.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> My wife is not threatened by pictures. She is secure and does not fear losing me to anyone, which are the two causes of jealousy. Men are visual creatures and my wife knows that she is the beneficiary of any arousal I get from watching porn. Even without porn men will fantasize in their minds and no one can stop that. I never understood why women felt watching porn is cheating or disrespectful. Does a wedding ring mean that your are caged and can only get sexual arousal from one person for the rest of your life? Maybe that is a reason why so many cheat and divorce. My wife does not care if I look at other women or watch porn. As a result we are married for 45 years. We do not believe that we own exclusive rights to each other's sexual thoughts or that we are half of a couple and not individuals with individual needs. I do not own my wife's body or sexual pleasure, and she does not own mine. She is very confident that porn is not going to destroy my love for her or our marriage. She has been right for a very long time.


Well said Sir.


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## wellseasoned (Jan 8, 2016)

Some things are in the dark world, porn is one of them.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

FalCod said:


> I see a lot of pro and anti porn comments on here and I'm curious as to where people draw their lines and why. Let's set aside bi-directional stuff like prostitution, web cams, or phone sex lines. I'm just talking about one-direction consumption.
> 
> Where do you draw the line at unacceptable or at least uncomfortable? In the visual porn world, is it XXX graphic depictions of sex? R-rated stuff with exposed upper bodies and backsides along with sex but no visual naughty bits? Naked bodies without sexual activity? Sexual activity without showing any body parts that aren't normally publicly displayable? Are the lines different for video or stills? Does it matter if the viewing is done in private or together as a couple?
> 
> ...



- Only reason I view porn from time to time is because Mrs.CuddleBug is LD conservative were as I am HD adventurous. I can only go so long at a time with no physicality and sex. Porn to me is a pressure valve release versus going out and meeting ladies who want regular friends with benefits sex.......


- If Mrs.CuddleBug was HD adventurous, to be honest, my porn viewing would be zero, unless she wanted to watch some together and do the things they are doing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> My wife is not threatened by pictures. She is secure and does not fear losing me to anyone, which are the two causes of jealousy. Men are visual creatures and my wife knows that she is the beneficiary of any arousal I get from watching porn. Even without porn men will fantasize in their minds and no one can stop that. I never understood why women felt watching porn is cheating or disrespectful. Does a wedding ring mean that your are caged and can only get sexual arousal from one person for the rest of your life? Maybe that is a reason why so many cheat and divorce. My wife does not care if I look at other women or watch porn. As a result we are married for 45 years. We do not believe that we own exclusive rights to each other's sexual thoughts or that we are half of a couple and not individuals with individual needs. I do not own my wife's body or sexual pleasure, and she does not own mine. She is very confident that porn is not going to destroy my love for her or our marriage. She has been right for a very long time.



My husband choses to do what he does without input from me. He is even stricter than I am about things he does, sees and hears, and I love him for it. I makes me feel special, loved and respected. I respect him so much because of it. 

Your case is very different because you see nothing wrong with committing adultery. Your views on sex and marriage are not those of faithfulness and forsaking all others.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Thats cool. I was just curious because I know my wife never did it until 32 years old when I bought her a small vibe just for the two of us to use during sex. She had her first clitoral stimulation orgasm and has sense done it for herself maybe a hand full of times. Before that it was all G spot piv orgasms. I know it was her first because she talked about how different of a sensation it was and that she enjoyed it. If I never bought that, she probably still would have never masturbated. So I know there has to be plenty of people who don't masturbate at all if my wife didn't for that long.
> 
> With all that said, is there ever a time you are not necessarily thinking of your husband but not thinking of any other particular man when masturbating? Sort of just focusing on the sensation of it all? I only ask because women are so much more about the mental in all of this generally speaking. So I would figure you have to be thinking about your husband while doing that. Would you find it disrespectful if you ever thought of someone else? Even a faceless nameless person, just a general fantasy about whatever it is that gets you going?. Not a particular person, just a fantasy, a made up person so to speak?
> 
> ...


I have no problems with things like vibrators,and yes I think of him when we are having sex. 
Thank you for trying to understand where we are coming from, I appreciate that. 

I know the mind is very powerful and as they say, where the mind goes the man follows. If I ever had sexual thoughts
about another man, I would try and refocus on him. I want to be faithful mentally as well as physically.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm not a fan of porn. I think it's gross, lol.

My husband used to watch it before he met me, he probably still does sometimes, I don't know. I actually don't want to know if he does...


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For me the line is not content but the effect of that content. I draw the line when someone is turning their partner down fro sex, and instead consuming erotica. I don't care if the erotica is a picture of a fully clothed person, or of the most extreme and explicit sexual activity. 

I also consider it a problem if someone consumes erotica and comes to believe that the fantasy shown therein is reality. I don't care if it is romances showing carriage rides and roses (if those are beyond the family budget), or sexual acts that would be unpleasant for their partner. 

I view erotica like alcohol. Some people consume too much beer. Others can enjoy an occasional glass of strong rum without any issues. Its not the alcoholic content, it is how it is consumed. 


There is no form of erotica, up to an including interacting with sex robots that my wife could consume that would bother me if it didn't interfere with our sex life.


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