# Married flirting and now 'touchy' friends



## keeter896

My wife and I have been married for 23 years. It is both of our first and only marriage. We are both very happy though I feel insecure at times. She is a VERY giving, helpful, caring, friendly outgoing woman. She is not promiscuous but is naive and I often have to let her know when someone is (obvious to me!) hitting on her. It's been kind of funny up until last weekend. We went on a boat trip with a couple, (her best friend of 20 years) and her husband. The four of us get along and are friends. We do flirt but not in a serious way or so I thought. Rick had been acting weird all day. I thought it was odd when my wife sat in the bow of the boat Rick would power up to full throttle. (It made my wife's large boobs bounce wildly) but when she wasn't up there he took it easy. Also while trying to stay dry, she came back by me and sat on the floor. Rick asked her literally six times if she was O.K. (This was in the span of five min.) My wife and I thought that was really odd. (At no other time did he ask her if she was O.K.) Then the kicker. I saw Jen's husband stand behind my wife and put his hands on her hips and say something in her ear while we were stopped and all fishing. I couldn't stop thinking about that for two straight days and finally talked with her. The conversation went great. I opened with "Jen and I are friends right?" "How would you feel if Jen came up behind me, put her hands on my waist and whispered something in my ear?" She said she would NOT like that at all. I told her "That happened." After a dramatic pause I said "That happened between you and Rick." She said she didn't realize that. And he's just a 'touchy feely' guy. I told her "well now YOU are 'touchy feely' and you're 'touchy feely' with RICK!" I told her I don't think anything happened between them, but now I don't trust him. He is a truck driver. Their marriage is shaky. He's a bit of a perv. I guess basically I told her that he was really hitting on her and a bit hard. We will see if and where she draws the 'friend' line or if I will need to set him straight. 

I trust my wife with all my heart and truly believe she is and will continue to be faithful. But where I am having a problem is that I know a few things about body language. You can swear up and down that you are just friends but your body language shows whats in your heart. I can't blame him for hitting on the prettiest, smartest, nicest woman in the state, but SHE feels comfortable enough with him that she doesn't even realize his hands are on her? I can't understand that. I have seen many men put their hands on a woman's waist but only couples that have been intimate. THIS IS MY DILEMMA! I trust her, but I know what I saw. What do I believe?


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## ReidWright

wouldn't be the first wife and "family friend" to get too close

do the standard stuff now...check your wife's phone and phone records for excess calls to Rick, check her email, etc.

I find it hard to believe your wife didn't realize he had his paws on her hips.

The 'are you ok' bit might have been because she shot him a dirty look, like a 'cool it in front of my husband'


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## Entropy3000

I would not feed that relationship with those friends any more.


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## Theseus

So who are you upset or angry at? Rick or your wife?

Seems like an awful lot of anguish and hysteria because some other guy put his hands on your wife's hips for a moment. 

But if anything, you should be upset at *HIM*, not her. Just stop hanging around with this couple, since he makes you so uncomfortable. But you can stop with the jealousy act at home since your wife didn't do anything.


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## keeter896

She didn't DO anything. That is why I am upset and I keep pointing the finger at her. Where will she draw the line? When will she tell him "don't touch me there!" The more she lets him 'get away with' the further he will try to go and the friendlier he will try to get. She is giving him the green light whether she knows it or not.


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## Nucking Futs

Theseus said:


> So who are you upset or angry at? Rick or your wife?
> 
> Seems like an awful lot of anguish and hysteria because some other guy put his hands on your wife's hips for a moment.
> 
> But if anything, you should be upset at *HIM*, not her. Just stop hanging around with this couple, since he makes you so uncomfortable. But you can stop with the jealousy act at home since your wife didn't do anything.


The problem here is that she didn't react right. Why was she so comfortable with someone besides her husband coming up behind her, putting his hands on her waist and whispering in her ear? Could it be that it's not the first time his hands were on her? Could she be so used to having his hands on her that she didn't even think twice about it? 

I don't know if she's doing anything wrong or just naive, but I'd be checking everything. Vars, keylogger, checking the phone bill, everything.


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## Q tip

I wonder what he whispered...

Why did you not tell him to layoff the wife..


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## Married but Happy

Oh, the drama! It sounds like a tempest in a teapot to me. Have you ever taken a dance class with other people? Not only do you put your hands on other women's waists, you do wraps and cuddles and dips - and other guys are doing the same to my wife. Maybe - just maybe - the other guy here was a bit more forward than justified, but after 20 years this seems trivial to me. Regardless, your wife is completely innocent - maybe a bit naive (which you already acknowledged).


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## Theseus

keeter896 said:


> She didn't DO anything. That is why I am upset and I keep pointing the finger at her. Where will she draw the line? When will she tell him "don't touch me there!" The more she lets him 'get away with' the further he will try to go and the friendlier he will try to get. She is giving him the green light whether she knows it or not.


What should she have done? Slapped him?

If some woman did the same thing to you, I think you would be momentarily surprised and maybe annoyed. But you probably wouldn't have done anything either at that moment. 

Do you really think your wife wants to sleep with this guy?? Be realistic.


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## Nucking Futs

Married but Happy said:


> Oh, the drama! It sounds like a tempest in a teapot to me. Have you ever taken a dance class with other people? Not only do you put your hands on other women's waists, you do wraps and cuddles and dips - and other guys are doing the same to my wife. Maybe - just maybe - the other guy here was a bit more forward than justified, but after 20 years this seems trivial to me. Regardless, your wife is completely innocent - maybe a bit naive (which you already acknowledged).


Context is everything. If they were in a dance class when it happened I would tell the op he's just paranoid, but they weren't. They were fishing.

And you don't know she's completely innocent. You know only that the op was bothered by what happened. Ftr, I doubt she's doing anything either, but what happened would be enough for me to go balls to the wall investigating for a short period.


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## Entropy3000

keeter896 said:


> She didn't DO anything. That is why I am upset and I keep pointing the finger at her. Where will she draw the line? When will she tell him "don't touch me there!" The more she lets him 'get away with' the further he will try to go and the friendlier he will try to get. She is giving him the green light whether she knows it or not.


Google Kino Escalation if you are not familiar with it.

But I get your point. Basically being known as touchy feely is not a free pass to touch and feel anywhere.

So you feel you picked up on some vibes. You may have. Since this does not have to meet the level of reasonable doubt you can err on the side of caution. In other words put your marriage above all else.

Indeed it is not uncommon for a wife and husband to have a different view on these things. I believe a spouse can sometimes more readily see these things than their partner that is involved in it.

While it is not critical what she was wearing it is pertinent. 

Anyway, not having been there it is hard to judge.
I know from speaking with women IRL, not just here on FantasyTAM, that many women will let things slide for various reasons. Not rocking the boat, no pun intended, not wanting to hurt a guys feelings, their own embarrassment / vulnerability, they are used to it. and so on. But in the majority of occasions they do take actions to not let it continue. Oh and some do not want their husbands to get into a fight over it.

I would say kill this couples relationship. But I am curious how long have you guys been doing things socially together? Does your wife ever hang out with them without you? I see this is her best friend for 20 years. But what about the guy?

There are shades of grey in life. We do not judge everything in the context of PIV sex. Boundaries exist in the inappropriate area and NOT just before penetration. My point is it is absurd to justify things based on cheating or the extremes alone. There are subtle things in life. Best to deal with issues when they are small.


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## keeter896

Thanks for calming my nerves. I have no drama in my life and am probably over reacting. My wife was flattered that I was jealous too! One thing that has come of this is that I have decided to follow Dr. Laura's advise which was "Give her a reason every day to never want to leave you."


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## Entropy3000

Solved in 3 posts. Awesome!!!!


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## keeter896

They very seldom do things without me included. I am just going to have to wait until we all get together again and see if our talk has made a change and see where she draws the line now that I made her aware of the situation. If there is no reaction to 'hands on' contact it will sound something like this... "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE!" or "Your wife is over there. This one is MINE!"


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## Nucking Futs

keeter896 said:


> *They very seldom do things without me included.* I am just going to have to wait until we all get together again and see if our talk has made a change and see where she draws the line now that I made her aware of the situation. If there is no reaction to 'hands on' contact it will sound something like this... "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE!" or "Your wife is over there. This one is MINE!"


Turn that seldom into never. If he's there, you're there.


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## Adelais

Keeter,

Do not ignore the cues. My ex H's best friend used to be overly friendly with me, and it made me uncomfortable. I told my ex about it, and he brushed it off saying, "We've been friends since we were young boys. He grew up with sisters, and was the baby of the family. He's just comfortable with women."

I didn't complain anymore to my H, and I still didn't feel comfortable with his overly affectionate kisses on the cheek. Why was he kissing me on the cheek you ask? He was from a foreign country where my ex was also from, and we were living there at the time. The custom was for people to touch cheeks and kiss the air. That man kissed my cheeks with his lips, not the air, like was custom.

Long story short. Two years later the man made a blatant pass at me. End of friendship. Stupid ex should have listened to me when I spoke up.

You need to distance yourselves from this man. He has poor boundaries, and your wife may be compromised, by her own good manners, and trusting nature, and by your failing to protect her from a fresh player.


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## keeter896

I would never ignore these kind of cues. I am moving forward with extreme caution. I made my wife promise that she would never be alone with him for ANY reason. The next time he touches her, if she doesn't react I will. Remember though that it is HIM I don't trust. She is the most honest, beautiful, caring person I know. I just would've been more at ease if she said "Yeay, that was weird but I didn't know what to do." Instead I got "I didn't realize he was doing that?" (My next question was just how friendly has he gotten with you that you don't know when his hands are on you?)


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## long_done

Some women just don't pay attention when a touchy feely guy is flirting with them... totally normal for a woman not to notice the little touches especially if a woman is not too sensitive about that. Don't over-analyze that about your wife. I know many women who don't get that.

I think your fears were justified, but you should trust your wife. I doubt she had any reason to cheat on you, just be diligent.

Some cultures people are very touchy feely... If I were in your shoes I would be upset as well, but make sure it's not at your wife who is totally innocent.


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## 6301

Maybe you don't trust him and that I can understand but your wife is a grown woman. If another man puts his hands on her hips or waist she should have the sense to know that it's inappropriate and she shouldn't need you to tell the guy to remove his hands. Naive is one thing but common sense from a woman in her late thirties to early forties should know this by now.


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## nuclearnightmare

OP

I'm just confused why there has to be a next time, at all. as others have said, but I will try to be even more blunt - why not DROP this couple as friends? the guy is too weird about your wife to tolerate. replace them with some other couple where the other guy is one hell of a lot more respectful to both of you.


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## Adelais

I think keeter likes to play with fire.


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## tom67

Nucking Futs said:


> The problem here is that she didn't react right. Why was she so comfortable with someone besides her husband coming up behind her, putting his hands on her waist and whispering in her ear? Could it be that it's not the first time his hands were on her? Could she be so used to having his hands on her that she didn't even think twice about it?
> 
> I don't know if she's doing anything wrong or just naive, but I'd be checking everything. Vars, keylogger, checking the phone bill, everything.


Just rule it out and then dump these friends.


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## The Middleman

keeter896 said:


> If there is no reaction to 'hands on' contact it will sound something like this... "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE!" or "Your wife is over there. This one is MINE!"


This is exactly what you have to do. What do you think your wife will say if you do that?


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## Philat

Not the crime of the century, but certainly not something I would stand for happening again. Coming up behind a woman, cradling her hips and whispering in her ear is certainly not "nothing."

Tell your W if it happens again you expect her to slap the dou***bag's hands away and to tell him that she will let you know what he did. And that he'd better not do it again. 

Remember that in RDMU's story a major milestone was the "hand on ass" evening. This sounds uncomfortably close to that.

Being "touchy-feely" is no excuse. It is a behavior, not a genetic predisposition. An often inapprpopriate behavior.


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## TRy

Theseus said:


> What should she have done? Slapped him?


 In debate what you just did is called False Dichotomy, where you make it as if there were only two options, with one option being too extreme to be viable. In this case, she had more options other than to slap him or do nothing. For example, she could have just stepped away or removed his hands from her waist, without saying a word. That would have set him straight without drama. But by doing nothing and perhaps smiling at what he whispered to her, he took that as encouragement. When men make a move on a woman, the rule of thumb is "no" means "no", a verbal "yes" is rarely given, as a smile is assumed to mean that.


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## Tobyboy

So what did he whisper in her ear?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus

TRy said:


> In debate what you just did is called False Dichotomy, where you make it as if there were only two options, with one option being too extreme to be viable. In this case, she had more options other than to slap him or do nothing.


That's not really applicable here. First of all, a slap is not necessarily "too extreme to be viable", I've certainly been slapped for less. 

And judging by the OP's level of anger over the issue, it seemed like it might be the option he would be satisfied with. 



> _For example, she could have just stepped away or removed his hands from her waist, without saying a word._


Then she would be criticized for that, wouldn't she? For not saying "no" or forcefully pushing the other guy off.


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## sinnister

Wtf is wrong with people? I cant imagine touching someones wife and wispering in her ear from behind. Its just too intimate.


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## tom67

sinnister said:


> Wtf is wrong with people? I cant imagine touching someones wife and wispering in her ear from behind. Its just too intimate.


I was thinking the same thing
:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Maricha75

sinnister said:


> Wtf is wrong with people? I cant imagine touching someones wife and wispering in her ear from behind. Its just too intimate.


YES!!!!!
No way would I be comfortable with any man touching me like thst, other than my hysband! And that would INCLUDE dancing. I don't dance with any man, other than my husband. For me, this particular incident would be a "HELL NO!" And yes, theseus, I would have slapped him, or some equally jarring action to show the guy to keep his hands off! I don't care how "touchy feely" someone is. I am as well, but that doesn't fly with me.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Entropy3000

TRy said:


> In debate what you just did is called False Dichotomy, where you make it as if there were only two options, with one option being too extreme to be viable. In this case, she had more options other than to slap him or do nothing. For example, she could have just stepped away or removed his hands from her waist, without saying a word. That would have set him straight without drama. But by doing nothing and perhaps smiling at what he whispered to her, he took that as encouragement. When men make a move on a woman, the rule of thumb is "no" means "no", a verbal "yes" is rarely given, as a smile is assumed to mean that.


Exactly. It can be subtle to those around and yet very clear to the guy. Perfect. No big drama at all. :iagree:

Amazing how just this makes a mockery of all the other discussion of extreme tht we may have. SHE could have dealt with it. I absolutley get that she may not have felt it rose to that level. But now that he has had the honest chat with his wife this should be the outcome. Infinitely better when husband and wife have a joint response to any challenge.


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## Happyfamily

keeter896 said:


> My wife and I thought that was really odd.


Ok, so your discussion went beyond the "hands on hips and whisper" thing.

Radar from both of you registered on this one.


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## Machiavelli

Tobyboy said:


> So what did he whisper in her ear?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually, he was singing in a real low voice:

I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back these feeling for so long
And if you feel, like I feel baby
Then come on, oh come on

Let's get it on, 
Let's get it on, 
Let's get it on, 
Let's get it on,


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## tom67

Machiavelli said:


> Actually, he was singing in a real low voice:
> 
> I've been really tryin', baby
> Tryin' to hold back these feeling for so long
> And if you feel, like I feel baby
> Then come on, oh come on
> 
> Let's get it on,
> Let's get it on,
> Let's get it on,
> Let's get it on,



Okay Marvin.


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## Decorum

Philat said:


> Remember that in RDMU's story a major milestone was the "hand on ass" evening. This sounds uncomfortably close to that.


 hahahahahah this has to go up on the newbie thread in the list of acronyms a... "HOAM" = Hand on ass moment.

A TAM original. I have wondered if the affair was actually in full swing a that time. ???

There was a guy here that hung out with a POS that hit on other mens wives, he went out with him but did not join in according to him. Maybe even looked up to him kind of IDK.

Guess what, it was not so cool when he found out the guy was sleeping with his wife too.

"I never thought he would do that to me" It is an common refrain.

I pass on these types of people personally.


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## NextTimeAround

Theseus said:


> That's not really applicable here. First of all, a slap is not necessarily "too extreme to be viable", *I've certainly been slapped for less. *
> 
> And judging by the OP's level of anger over the issue, it seemed like it might be the option he would be satisfied with.
> 
> 
> 
> Then she would be criticized for that, wouldn't she? For not saying "no" or forcefully pushing the other guy off.


Good for you. but some of us operate in environments where violence is not so gratuitous.


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## Q tip

So, what did he whisper in her ear. What did he say...?


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## BostonBruins32

I would tend to say "nothing to see here".

Only way to really get a feel for it is to quietly watch your wife and see if any behavior changes take place. We have a ton of friends who jokingly flirt. Everyone's threshold for "over the line" is different.


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## Hicks

Sometimes, after many years of marriage, after wife is way out of man seeking mode, one has to give his wife a reminder lesson in the ways of men.


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## Omego

sinnister said:


> Wtf is wrong with people? I cant imagine touching someones wife and wispering in her ear from behind. Its just too intimate.


I know a guy who does that when he is drunk at parties. He does it to all of the women he finds attractive, even if his wife is there. He's done it to me, to other friends of ours and we just kind of push him off and try to settle him down. But he only does it when he is drunk... 


Yeah, I'm with the others who say to dump the friend.


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## Entropy3000

Omego said:


> I know a guy who does that when he is drunk at parties. He does it to all of the women he finds attractive, even if his wife is there. He's done it to me, to other friends of ours and we just kind of push him off and try to settle him down. But he only does it when he is drunk...
> 
> 
> Yeah, I'm with the others who say to dump the friend.


Some guys get drunk because they know they get a free pass when they do it.


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## barbados

OP,

A true friend wouldn't flirt like that with his friend's wife. PERIOD !

So he is NOT a true friend, and he is not a friend of the marriage.

Be done with him. And if your wife objects, ask her what's more important, your marriage or him ?


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## cons

keeter-

A few years ago I had been recycled back into the dating world after a long marriage that ended. 

I was much like your wife. I was completely unconscious to what I allowed for touch from men.

When I started dating my now husband, he was very upset at my lack of boundaries...
At first I argued and deflected any responsibility on my part on how others interacted with me...and it took several instances to wake me up...fortunately my husband was a buyer and willing to do the hard work to be patient with me.

Yes- you need to voice your objections to your wife...and keep doing it until she gets it completely. 

You could speak up the next time it happens...but it really should be the responsibility of your wife to demonstrate her respect for you in the context of this situation.


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## happy as a clam

> I am just going to have to wait until we all get together again and see if our talk has made a change and see where she draws the line now that I made her aware of the situation.


:wtf:

Why in the world would you get together with this creeper again just to "see what happens"? You've already stated the guy is a perv.

Eliminate the perv friend and you eliminate the problem.


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## NextTimeAround

barbados said:


> OP,
> 
> A true friend wouldn't flirt like that with his friend's wife. PERIOD !
> 
> So he is NOT a true friend, and he is not a friend of the marriage.
> 
> Be done with him. And if your wife objects, ask her what's more important, your marriage or him ?


or put another way, do you really want to be friends whose sense of boundaries runs not only counter to yours but also to your disadvantage.

Too much of that in front of you where you do nothing about it will finally be construed by everyone, including your wife, as you don't care one way of the other.


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## Adelais

Ketter says, "But, you all don't understand...we've been friends for years, and aside from him making passes at my wife, with her full consent, I like him and his wife. I'll take my chances. I'll be back here if it goes any further, and I'll moan and cry about not seeing the signs, and how badly I am hurting at the terrible betrayal."


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## ReidWright

"put her hands on my waist and whispered something in my ear?" She said she would NOT like that at all. I told her "That happened." After a dramatic pause I said "That happened between you and Rick." *She said she didn't realize that.*"


This just seems so gaslight-ish to me. "Oh? what? Rick put his hands on my waist and pressed up against me, and whispered in my ear? I didn't realize that!" Come on.


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## Q tip

ReidWright said:


> "put her hands on my waist and whispered something in my ear?" She said she would NOT like that at all. I told her "That happened." After a dramatic pause I said "That happened between you and Rick." *She said she didn't realize that.*"
> 
> 
> This just seems so gaslight-ish to me. "Oh? what? Rick put his hands on my waist and pressed up against me, and whispered in my ear? I didn't realize that!" Come on.


Perhaps it's on already, he just made a little slip-up... Good thing she was thinking. Still, we ll never know what he said... I wonder.


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## omgitselaine

We have a lot of friends and some are also " touchy feely " with me. During get together's like barbeques or hangout nights I try to keep my distance from them since I know they may have hidden intentions. 

Joe is secure and doesn't seem to mind too much but to keep things clean and simple for us and our friends it's best that I stay cognizant to those fellows ?? Flirting and innocent innuendos I'm very cool with but hands on my hips or any part of me is ummmmmm a " no no " !!


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## tom67

omgitselaine said:


> We have a lot of friends and some are also " touchy feely " with me. During get together's like barbeques or hangout nights I try to keep my distance from them since I know they may have hidden intentions.
> 
> Joe is secure and doesn't seem to mind too much but to keep things clean and simple for us and our friends it's best that I stay cognizant to those fellows ?? Flirting and innocent innuendos I'm very cool with but hands on my hips or any part of me is ummmmmm a " no no " !!


:iagree::iagree:


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## bbdad

I am very extroverted and can be "touchy feely." However, I would NEVER put my hands on another female's waist and whisper in her ear. That is not cool at all. You would have been justified in calling him on it. I would watch for it and don't let it happen again. If he tries again, shut it down quick and hard. It doesn't have to be physical, just let him know it will not be tolerated - plain and simple.

It may be that she was just slightly stunned and didn't know how to respond at the time. I wouldn't throw all blame on her yet. But, I would also be watching her reactions should it happen again.


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## WillinTampa

I wouldn't worry about your wife.

But, I'd start distancing myself from that "friend". I don't know what his game is, but you should just get some new friends.


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## adriana

Keeter896, are you sure you have the whole story? Something just doesn't feel right about it.

Apparently, he felt comfortable enough to put his hands on her hips and whispered something in her ear. And she seemed to be fine with it. What happened was an intimate act that indicates that either it wasn't the first time for them or she simply liked his attention so much that she didn't care that it was inappropriate. Her explanation, that she didn't realize what he was doing, is simply ludicrous. 

Did she tell you what he whispered in her ear? How long did it last?


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## adriana

Q tip said:


> Perhaps it's on already, he just made a little slip-up... Good thing she was thinking. Still, we ll never know what he said... I wonder.



I have to admit that I'm wondering about it myself.


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## Q tip

keeter896 said:


> She didn't DO anything. That is why I am upset and I keep pointing the finger at her. Where will she draw the line? When will she tell him "don't touch me there!" The more she lets him 'get away with' the further he will try to go and the friendlier he will try to get. She is giving him the green light whether she knows it or not.


OH YES SHE DID DO SOMETHING. She accepted it all. I would expect her to turn, slap or otherwise explain boundaries to the a$$. Then the hubby should have done some talking too.

What did he whisper to her...?

HUBBY DID THE SAME THNG TOO! I point the finger at the hubby for a beta action. You should have taken action. Would have upped your sex rank with her and made him look like a jerk all at the same time. Heck, his wife would want to jump your bones too.

You had a chance, now plenty of time to whine at TAM. 

OK OK OK... Just TRYING making a point here.

Please read up on MMSLP. Yesterday!

Where has all the testosterone gone.


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## Q tip

What did he whisper to her. Did you ask?


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## Plan 9 from OS

He whispered "I need buns for my hotdog"...


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## Adelais

I have a friend (I talked about her in another thread) who is now D from her H. He used to compliment me on different things. I ignored him, and thought his compliments were rather strange, coming from the married husband of my friend. I thought he was flirting, and I made sure I gave him a blank stare and got away ASAP.

One evening, in front of his wife and my husband the man grasped the pendant of a necklace I was wearing. He lifted it off my chest! I didn't know what to say, so I immediately stepped backwards, and gently pulled it from his fingers.

After their D, my friend brought the incident to my attention, and told me she admired how I handled it. She thought what he did was weird too, and she said that what I did was perfect and sent a clear message to him and anyone who saw what he did.

If a male came up from behind me and put his hands on my hips, and whispered in my ear, after the initial shock, I would step forward, or sideways to get out of his reach, and turn around at a safe distance to face him.

I don't believe I am unique in my conduct around men who violate my personal space.

Women? Who else would move to get away from someone who violated your space?


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## Maricha75

Well, I already said I'd slap... but move away, too, of course...

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## adriana

IMFarAboveRubies said:


> If a male came up from behind me and put his hands on my hips, and whispered in my ear, after the initial shock, I would step forward, or sideways to get out of his reach, and turn around at a safe distance to face him.
> 
> I don't believe I am unique in my conduct around men who violate my personal space.
> 
> Women? Who else would move to get away from someone who violated your space?



It isn't just a matter of violating her personal space.... he basically put his hands on her _derrière_.


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## Adelais

adriana said:


> It isn't just a matter of violating her personal space.... he basically put his hands on her _derrière_.


You're right! As ketter explained what happened, I imagined the guy putting his hands on the wife's waist. But he said he put his hands on her "hips" or rear??? That's totally different!


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## Windwalker

NextTimeAround said:


> Good for you. but some of us operate in environments where violence is not so gratuitous.


So, what your saying is if the op broke all the bones in his hands , then that would be a little to far? lol


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## NextTimeAround

Windwalker said:


> So, what your saying is if the op broke all the bones in his hands , then that would be a little to far? lol


This is what Theseus said in post no. 27:



> That's not really applicable here. First of all, a slap is not necessarily "too extreme to be viable", I've certainly been slapped for less.


Do keep up.


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## manfromlamancha

OK this is going to be harsh to hear but this is the way I see it:


There is no way on God's earth that she didn't know that he held her and whispered into her ear! As Adriana said, this is ludicrous!

She definitely liked it hence the smile.

She also knew that it was wrong and kept it from you and then, when confronted, lied to you. This makes your beautiful, caring wife a lot less than perfect - be very careful here (not just with him but with her too).

This is not the first time this has happened.

It will probably go underground or manifest itself in a more dangerous form, as she misses the thrill/buzz.
You need to go dark/covert and find out more. How long has this been going on? What exactly has been going on? Why is she lying? What, if anything, is wrong in your relationship and what is missing (according to her) in her life?

I would focus more on this than that "an apple a day ..." stuff you have been advised to do.


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## adriana

manfromlamancha said:


> OK this is going to be harsh to hear but this is the way I see it:
> 
> 
> There is no way on God's earth that she didn't know that he held her and whispered into her ear! As Adriana said, this is ludicrous!
> 
> She definitely liked it hence the smile.
> 
> She also knew that it was wrong and kept it from you and then, when confronted, lied to you. This makes your beautiful, caring wife a lot less than perfect - be very careful here (not just with him but with her too).
> 
> This is not the first time this has happened.
> 
> It will probably go underground or manifest itself in a more dangerous form, as she misses the thrill/buzz.
> You need to go dark/covert and find out more. How long has this been going on? What exactly has been going on? Why is she lying? What, if anything, is wrong in your relationship and what is missing (according to her) in her life?
> 
> I would focus more on this than that "an apple a day ..." stuff you have been advised to do.



:iagree: I'm getting exactly the same impression.... that incident wasn't as accidental and innocent as the OP is trying to believe.


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## ClimbingTheWalls

I haven't read the whole thread, just page 1, but I am really not getting the big deal. 

So he drove the boat to make the OP's wife's boobs flap. Typical male. 

So he put his hands on her and whispered something. This was in public on a boat among a group of friends.

My friend's husband has often put his hand round my waist and accidentally on purpose grabbed my boob. I roll my eyes at his wife, say "tut tut" in a jokey way and remove the errant hand. We all think it is a bit of a laugh. Certainly my friend never gets huffy about it, nor does my husband. He might sometimes say "Get off me wife!" but in a jokey way.


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## Nucking Futs

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I haven't read the whole thread, just page 1, but I am really not getting the big deal.
> 
> So he drove the boat to make the OP's wife's boobs flap. Typical male.
> 
> So he put his hands on her and whispered something. This was in public on a boat among a group of friends.
> 
> *My friend's husband has often put his hand round my waist and accidentally on purpose grabbed my boob. I roll my eyes at his wife, say "tut tut" in a jokey way and remove the errant hand. We all think it is a bit of a laugh. Certainly my friend never gets huffy about it, nor does my husband. He might sometimes say "Get off me wife!" but in a jokey way.*


In my circle of friends, if someone touched someone else wife or gf like you described there would be blood shed.


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## HomeFrontDadAndMore

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Call me old fashioned or prudish if you want but that low of boundary can't yield anything but disappointment later.


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## cons

I'm not a fan of disrespectful "fun" or "joking"...it never honors any of the people involved.


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## Entropy3000

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I haven't read the whole thread, just page 1, but I am really not getting the big deal.
> 
> So he drove the boat to make the OP's wife's boobs flap. Typical male.
> 
> So he put his hands on her and whispered something. This was in public on a boat among a group of friends.
> 
> My friend's husband has often put his hand round my waist and accidentally on purpose grabbed my boob. I roll my eyes at his wife, say "tut tut" in a jokey way and remove the errant hand. We all think it is a bit of a laugh. Certainly my friend never gets huffy about it, nor does my husband. He might sometimes say "Get off me wife!" but in a jokey way.


Now isn't that special ... Some couples are ths way. Not exactly a soft swing .... Getting some strange boob. LOL.

I assume you are topless at the time. I mean lets do this thing right. This would only be hot if the wives started kissing ... oh wait, wrong website. Sorry. 

After I was bailed out, for beating the bejesus out of the guy, in a jokey way that is, I would be seeing my lawyer for a couple of reasons. 

It is good to have a hot wife, but I'm just not into even at this entry level of HotWifing. I just don't need that to get it up. Knock on wood. In fact it has the opposite effect on me. But some couples do go in for touching where wives even sit on other husbands laps and cuddle. Playing just the tip IMO. Literally different strokes.


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## Married but Happy

We wouldn't have a problem with flirty touching (assuming we're open to verbal flirting already), and would simply tell anyone "No" or "Stop" to anything that gets sexual (butt, boobs, crotch). They either respect that from then on, or we'd stop seeing them. Some friends may have a little more leeway depending on how long and well we know and trust them. Keeps things simple and there's no need for silly drama.


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## Q tip

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I haven't read the whole thread, just page 1, but I am really not getting the big deal.
> 
> So he drove the boat to make the OP's wife's boobs flap. Typical male.
> 
> So he put his hands on her and whispered something. This was in public on a boat among a group of friends.
> 
> My friend's husband has often put his hand round my waist and accidentally on purpose grabbed my boob. I roll my eyes at his wife, say "tut tut" in a jokey way and remove the errant hand. We all think it is a bit of a laugh. Certainly my friend never gets huffy about it, nor does my husband. He might sometimes say "Get off me wife!" but in a jokey way.


You might want to start a thread on this topic. There's more here than meets the boobie. It's all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts... He wants you and you love it. The attraction is resistible until it's irresistible.


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## NextTimeAround

Entropy3000 said:


> Now isn't that special ... Some couples are ths way. Not exactly a soft swing .... Getting some strange boob. LOL.
> 
> I assume you are topless at the time. I mean lets do this thing right. This would only be hot if the wives started kissing ... oh wait, wrong website. Sorry.
> 
> After I was bailed out, for beating the bejesus out of the guy, in a jokey way that is, I would be seeing my lawyer for a couple of reasons.
> 
> *It is good to have a hot wife, but I'm just not into even at this entry level of HotWifing. * I just don't need that to get it up. Knock on wood. In fact it has the opposite effect on me. But some couples do go in for touching where wives even sit on other husbands laps and cuddle. Playing just the tip IMO. Literally different strokes.


I agree. One reason is becvause just when you think you've bought into the game / joke, the other person is taking it seriously..."developing feelings for you" and accusing you of "leading them on."

Just better to keep your hands to yourself or to your own spouse.


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## Entropy3000

NextTimeAround said:


> I agree. One reason is becvause just when you think you've bought into the game / joke, the other person is taking it seriously..."developing feelings for you" and accusing you of "leading them on."
> 
> Just better to keep your hands to yourself or to your own spouse.


Oh indeed. I have seen this a lot even in the corporate world. Everything is a joke and boundaries disappear. I have seen guys even play drunk to get to cop feels. The thing is the coping of feels is part of a running a Kino Escalation. I notice this now that I am aware of it.

This reminds me of the party bus to Napa a couple of years ago. All sorts of joking, groping and grinding. LOL. I had my wife with me. She took note of the joking ladies trying to give me a lap dance. She even has videos. ( hmmmm ). Needless to say that was not going to happen even without my wife being there.
How much was for my wifes benefit, oh I suppose some but these ladies were pretty toasted and ummmm randy. LOL. The funny thing was that the wildest one was one I had chatted with earlier and seemed so straight laced. Wow, she let her hair down quickly. It was fun but very much adults behaving badly. The party bus gives the excuse for falling onto other people. Amazing how often it takes a boob to catch your fall. Soft yet firm landings.


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## Jung_admirer

I would *expect* my DW to turn her head and whisper, "I don't like where this is going", then take a step away from the guy (no need slap a friend over a first offense IMO). If she makes eye contact with me, I know to intervene. If it happens a second time, they are off the Christmas card list (and every other list). If she leans into it or ignores it, we have a conversation about boundaries that evening.


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## Maricha75

Nucking Futs said:


> ClimbingTheWalls said:
> 
> 
> 
> I haven't read the whole thread, just page 1, but I am really not getting the big deal.
> 
> So he drove the boat to make the OP's wife's boobs flap. Typical male.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So he put his hands on her and whispered something. This was in public on a boat among a group of friends.
> 
> *My friend's husband has often put his hand round my waist and accidentally on purpose grabbed my boob. I roll my eyes at his wife, say "tut tut" in a jokey way and remove the errant hand. We all think it is a bit of a laugh. Certainly my friend never gets huffy about it, nor does my husband. He might sometimes say "Get off me wife!" but in a jokey way.*
> 
> 
> 
> In my circle of friends, if someone touched someone else wife or gf like you described there would be blood shed.
Click to expand...

Same with my circle. You don't just grab someone else's SO, whether on purpose or "accidentally on purpose". Oh and "accidentally on purpose" is still on purpose, no matter how you try to color it.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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