# Is being a "good girl" wife a compliment?



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Question...

Me and my husband were talking yesterday about when you get eyed up by the opposite sex. 

We were at the shops and as we were getting out of the car, a woman getting out of the car next to us kept looking at him through her car windows as she was getting her stuff out of the car.

We got talking about it. For me, I've never really been an "ogler" of men (is that a word?  ) but he often gets women looking at him - he is a handsome guy 

He says I'm not like those women that ogle. He says I am a "good girl."

A question...

Is being considered a "good girl" a compliment? Does it have any hidden negative connotations?

I've recently been seeking affirmation of his feelings for me and have noticed he never really talks of me as a sexual being. As in, he finds me hot, or fit, or gorgeous, or sexy. He says I'm beautiful, but never anything more than that IYSWIM. I'm wondering if I've touched upon something I don't really want to think is true: ie that he loves me but doesn't fancy me.

Any feedback welcomed!


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Hmmm....one thing I noticed about my husband is how 'prudish' he became after we got married. Like if I'm vulgar or act dirty with him, he will say "Sweetie! You're my WIFE!" as in his 'wife' shouldn't be acting that way. Make sense? I'm not isulted by it, as I've been anythig but a 'good girl' type  And I don't ogle men, either. I find that tasteless.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I wouldn't equate ogling to sexy or something in the positive sense.


How about though, flirting in those kinds of moments. He mentions you're a "good girl"......maybe you could lean in close, tell him you can't wait to get home and show him just how good you can be. Then lick his neck for good measure.


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Is being considered a "good girl" a compliment?


From your husband? Yes it is. It means he trusts you not to behave like that woman was... 

Regarding the other issue of his attraction or lack of it, this observation wasn't related to that i think. And it is unlikely that your husband's opinion would rise if you saw you behave in any other way not fitting with the "good girl" status.



> How about though, flirting in those kinds of moments. He mentions you're a "good girl"......maybe you could lean in close, tell him you can't wait to get home and show him just how good you can be. Then lick his neck for good measure.


How catwoman of you...


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

It was a compliment.

But as the song goes, we want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed.

Lady on the street -- check .... very good thing

Freak in the bed -- Up to you


----------



## Liam (Nov 13, 2009)

Yeah, I think it was a compliment  In my marriage, I'm the bigger 'ogler' o) but we always have a laugh about it  

As for whether he fancies you or not....without meaning to sound blunt - if you have a good sexual relationship, then surely that answers the question?  Then again, I know women like to feel desirable and sexy, so there's nothing wrong with reminding him of that and saying you'd like to hear him say it more often


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Okay. I'm thinking maybe I might have read more into that comment than he intended it to mean.

It's just a sensitive subject atm for me. It's something I have explained to him a handful of times, BUT - and bear with me here - although he has obviously listened, he has slightly misunderstood. He has been complimenting my looks a lot more. This is really nice and I really appreciate the effort he has put in after engaging with what I said.

Thing is, I want to know he finds me hot. You know, like, "OMG you look fiii-iiii-iiiine in that playsuit," or, "I love it when you tie your hair up, your neck is so sexy", or to catch him looking at me with *that* look in his eyes.

How else can I put it? It's like when you see a famous actor, and you go, yep, he's a handsome guy. You completely appreciate he's a good looking guy but he just doesn't DO it for you like that. Then you see the one who does it for you and you're like, oh yeah! 

Liam - what you say in your second paragraph - makes sense in theory to me. I guess for me it's the difference between feeling he wants a female body and that he wants MY female body...


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

That was a HUGE compliment! Actually, it was more him telling you how you make HIM feel secure and healthy in the marriage. No husband wants to marry a woman who he considers a "bad girl" when you're talking about public or checking out other men. Unless he's one of those cuckhold fetish type guys (which in my opinion is ANYTHING but healthy).

Now does he see you as a good girl when the doors are closed? That's different and also partly your responsibility.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

That is a compliment IMO. What t sounds like to me is that whie he may enjoy the peeks he is receiving, those women are not as respectful as you due to their actions- especially with you present.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> It was a compliment.
> 
> But as the song goes, we want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed.
> 
> ...


Lol. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

compliment


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

There's an appropriate time and place to be a bad girl, and it isn't out in public ogling other men.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Women think too much.... lol 

Its a HUGE compliment!! He is saying, you are gold! They are a dime a dozen!


You want to be a Lady in the streets but a Freak in the sheets!!


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Whenever your husband tells you that you're a good girl,
It means he trusts you around men.
Its almost like saying " you're not like them..."
Its a huge compliment


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

tobio said:


> Is being considered a "good girl" a compliment?


Yes, he is speaking well of your moral structure especially your respect for other women and their men


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> maybe you could lean in close, tell him you can't wait to get home and show him just how good you can be. Then lick his neck for good measure.


That's effing dangerous....and I LOVE it! me-OW!


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

tobio said:


> Is being considered a "good girl" a compliment? Does it have any hidden negative connotations?


Would you rather him call you a dirty wh*re?

There's two types of women, those you use and abuse, and those you marry.

At least for me, I don't want to marry a sl*t, I want to marry a "good girl." She doesn't lose control of her impulses, except with me. She is a total prude, but in my sheets she is a freak.

It's a total compliment, now do what heartsbeating said. It will blow his mind.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

personally,i don't like labels. i like to teeter along the lines of being many types of women.Good girl,bad girl,naughty girl,prude girl,mystery girl,etc...
it's more fun that way and as long as you're not acting like a total wh*re,it's all in good fun.

I will say,even through my dislike of labels, it is so much fun to be labeled a good girl only to make his head spin by whipping out the naughty girl


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

2ntnuf said:


> In my last marriage, I kind of thought the same thing about my wife. I even said similar things. Little did I know how wrong I was!
> 
> Anyway, I said these things because I was not head over heels attracted to my ex sexually. I did not just look at her and go mmmm, yummy. Hee Hee. Ahem, sorry.
> 
> ...


You see, how you say you feel is quite similar to how I perceive my husband to feel. I genuinely believe he thinks I am pretty/beautiful, but I don't feel he looks at me and thinks, damn she's hot!

The thing is, that is what *I* think about him. All of the time ever. He encompasses so much of what I find attractive. I don't see anything from him that prompts me to think he feels similarly.

It's from the EA he had last year. The girl he met through work; she was pretty and it was a case of all the guys on his team thought she was fit but it was HIM that she liked. It was like it was some huge kudos to him that someone like her liked HIM.

He says to me that he *does* think these things about me. Whilst I realise people show their feelings in different ways, I'm not seeing anything that says he lusts after me.

I honestly sometimes think that if he noticed me looking at someone, or talking about someone, like I *am* human not dead as the saying goes, that he might think, hang on a minute - I need to up my game here, make more of an effort. I don't know.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

In the context of comparing you to women who ogle men on the street, I would say it's a complement. However, if I was discussing ANY sexual aspect of my relationship with my wife, then calling her a good girl would not be a compliment. As mentioned earlier in this thread, I want her to be a lady in the streets, but I don't want any part of that good girl when she's alone with me.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

worked for Sandra Dee


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Personally my husband likes to call me a "Dirty old woman" but he knows I am faithful as the morning sun.... he used to jokingly call me a "Nun" & his "Amish woman", so this is a step up for us. Now I am referred to his Roller Derby chick ~ and that's HOT.

I handle myself out in public very respectable, but I still notice men- just as he will notice a beautiful woman passing by, we are utterly kosher with this. I wouldn't want to change him any more than he would want to change me. 

He'd never want me to go back to my NUN days, that was not as much FUN as we've been having the last 3 yrs ! That is just the reality here. I realize my view on here is a tad different, but he's given me far more sexy seductive compliments in the last 3 yrs than ....well...than our entire marriage. And yeah... I eat that up, makes me feel damn good!

This is what MEN want right here >>> compliments of "ThreeTimesALady "....



> *Sex** is *desiring him every time you look at him. Needing him to fill that wonderful yearning deep inside you that needs filling & to die for. *Sex is *having breasts that ached to be touched & loved & you can not live without it. *Sex** is *waking him up in the middle of the night as you need him & want him & then you find that he wants you just as much & you make love for an hour & get up & have coffee & wonder where the years have gone. *Sex is *finding the thrill after years of a man that can still make you scream & turn you to mush. Sex is turning him into a crazy man who wants you more than his own life.
> 
> Now. *Love is *being able to see some fault in your lover but shutting your mouth for the good of a marriage. *Love is *having to give & take in a marriage. Learning where to stop an argument when it is not important to win. Winning sometimes can be losing.* Love is *being able to find in that precious other the boy in the man that you fell in love when you 1st married. *Love is *being able to go to the sexiest side of you & turn that man into mush after all these years. *Love is *being able to hear from your lover that if you die first he will follow you as he cannot live without you . *Love is *the sunshine in the morning when it is cloudy out but seeing him next to you makes your world. *Love is *being able to say screwing & not being embarrassed plus any other really dirty word in the bedroom as he loves it. ....The dirtier the better as we all know that ladies do not talk dirty with those wonderful words but we also know as ladies that when we enter our bedroom to our precious that we leave the lady at the door. We then turn into his sex siren. As hot & as sensual as can be. And then we all know that when we leave that bedroom we again pick up the lady. All us ladies must have the two faces of Eve. This makes for a very very fullfilling marriage, full of intimacy and Love. A man would never stray if he had this.


 Love that ending !


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Have you told HIM the things you'd like to hear? That is, have you said something like "When you wear a baseball hat it makes me want to rip it off your head, kiss you hard, push you down onto the couch and have my way with you".

Often the key to getting what we want is to give it.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Yes. The last 7 sentences are perfect. Just perfect.


----------



## Mr steal your girl (Aug 11, 2012)

tobio said:


> Okay. I'm thinking maybe I might have read more into that comment than he intended it to mean.
> 
> It's just a sensitive subject atm for me. It's something I have explained to him a handful of times, BUT - and bear with me here - although he has obviously listened, he has slightly misunderstood. He has been complimenting my looks a lot more. This is really nice and I really appreciate the effort he has put in after engaging with what I said.
> 
> ...


If your husband had found you ravish your guts hot...He probably would have never married you...Marriage is as much as a logical decision as much as an emotional.


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Mr steal your girl said:


> If your husband had found you ravish your guts hot...He probably would have never married you...Marriage is as much as a logical decision as much as an emotional.


Er... what?


----------



## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

what is IYSWIM?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

How did he say it? There's...
1) "You're a good girl"
And theres...
2) "Aww (disappointment), being a good girl are you?" *sigh* (Aka - he's calling you a prude)

Based on your information so far, it sounds like number one, so not to worry


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

You might find it beneficial to read about "Madonna/***** complexes" if you're wondering about a lackluster sex life in combination with his comment.


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

tonyarz said:


> what is IYSWIM?


If you see what I mean



RandomDude said:


> How did he say it? There's...
> 1) "You're a good girl"
> And theres...
> 2) "Aww (disappointment), being a good girl are you?" *sigh* (Aka - he's calling you a prude)
> ...


It was 1!



KathyBatesel said:


> You might find it beneficial to read about "Madonna/***** complexes" if you're wondering about a lackluster sex life in combination with his comment.


Will do - this did cross my mind.


----------



## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

yes its a compliment and what's more important, its a compliment from the one you love!

Isn;t that great?

I think some men have a very clear definition of the roles of women in their lives.

Seems like your husband prefers to put people into boxes and is clear about it.

Maybe your husband has seen it all before that's why he chose a good girl to settle down with (that however, does not mean that he had casual relationships with everyone / anyone) 

its just that he knows what the different types are out there and he is happy to settle with a good wife type.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Love that ending !


You guys should teach a class together...I think many men would pay for their wives to attend.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> You might find it beneficial to read about "Madonna/***** complexes" i*f you're wondering about a lackluster sex life in combination with his comment.*


Its like the " Genie in a bottle."
Once she's out,
Its hard to contain.


----------



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> In the context of comparing you to women who ogle men on the street, I would say it's a complement. However, if I was discussing ANY sexual aspect of my relationship with my wife, then calling her a good girl would not be a compliment. As mentioned earlier in this thread, I want her to be a lady in the streets, but I don't want any part of that good girl when she's alone with me.


My husband calls me a good girl in bed...when I'm being down & dirty & giving him what he wants. As in "ooooh, you're a goooood girl." lol  

I agree with what the others are saying. No one seeing me on the street would know I'm his personal little wh0re in bed. I'm a nice "lady" to everyone else.

My husband finds the gothy type of women hot. Especially if they have tattoo sleeves. I'm blond hair, blue eyes, girl next door type...and he married me. I told a coworker once about my husband finding girls that look like Kat Von D hot. She asked what he was doing with me because I'm so wholesome. I don't know...I take it as him liking that look because it's different? Or maybe they look exciting? But one thing I'm sure of is he would hate being married to anyone with a wild or partying lifestyle. 

So, yeah, I guess being called a good girl wife is a good thing.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Its like the " Genie in a bottle."
> Once she's out,
> Its hard to contain.


I'm interested... are you saying that some men feel like a woman who is highly sexual with her husband is also more likely to cheat? 

Or am I misunderstanding what you're saying?


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> I'm interested... are you saying that some men feel like a woman who is highly sexual with her husband is also more likely to cheat?
> 
> Or am I misunderstanding what you're saying?


No, you're misunderstanding.
A woman who's highly sexual is a good thing if her husband's libido , skill and willingness to experiment matches hers.

She can be very demanding in bed.
If he is lazy or sloppy at times [ which a lot of husbands fall into because of external stressors.] it will cause a lot of tension in the bedroom which will spill over into other areas of the relationship.
If he is not a keed observer, he will be clueless as to why she is being [email protected] and nagging etc.
The longer this goes on, resentment builds and communication breaks down.


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

bahbahsheep said:


> yes its a compliment and what's more important, its a compliment from the one you love!
> 
> Isn;t that great?
> 
> ...


Hmm maybe you are right.

I know that what made it clear for him that this woman looking at him was distasteful was because she had a small child with her. So he was either assuming that she is taken or married, thus she shouldn't be eyeing up other guys, or she has a kid therefore she should be maternal rather than sexual. I *think* it's the former but I did wonder if there was an element of the latter going on.

It's funny though - he is always looking at pretty women and he's married! So he is okay to do it and consider himself a "good guy" but if I were to do it, I'd lose my status of "good girl." Interesting double standard!


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> I agree with what the others are saying. No one seeing me on the street would know I'm his personal little wh0re in bed. I'm a nice "lady" to everyone else.


That's awesome.

Love your signature btw.


----------



## Mr steal your girl (Aug 11, 2012)

tobio said:


> Er... what?


Since you're a good girl, you're most likely not going to get " I wanna F that bittch" look or thoughts from men, let alone your husband. It just doesn't work like that. Those thoughts are hollow and are for strippers and women that put out, showing their body and scantily clad outfits, which I presume you don't do.

Your husband likes you on a deeper level, which is better because it's not fleeting and longer lasting.


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Mr steal your girl said:


> Since you're a good girl, you're most likely not going to get " I wanna F that bittch" look or thoughts from men, let alone your husband. It just doesn't work like that. Those thoughts are hollow and are for strippers and women that put out, showing their body and scantily clad outfits, which I presume you don't do.
> 
> Your husband likes you on a deeper level, which is better because it's not fleeting and longer lasting.


Okay. But are you not effectively saying that a man can't have hot lustful feelings for his wife AND value them on a deeper level?

I understand what you're saying about those "baser" thoughts but surely what you are saying is very black-and-white? I mean, are you saying that a guy won't look at a woman quite as lustfully ever if she is not of the category you describe above?


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I don't think that noticing a handsome man makes a woman crass or tasteless. We are all married, not dead right?

My husband refers to my past behavior as wild. He gets a thrill out of the fact that he "tamed a vixen" and made her his wife. It takes a very special man to turn a "bad girl" into a good woman. 

When we are alone, the badder the better!


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

"when Im good; Im good.

But when Im bad Im better!"

Mae West


----------



## Mr steal your girl (Aug 11, 2012)

tobio said:


> Okay. But are you not effectively saying that a man can't have hot lustful feelings for his wife AND value them on a deeper level?
> 
> I understand what you're saying about those "baser" thoughts but surely what you are saying is very black-and-white? I mean, are you saying that a guy won't look at a woman quite as lustfully ever if she is not of the category you describe above?


Yeah a man can have lustful urges and value his wife on a deeper level. 

Yes it's pretty much black and white. Good girls don't get those lusty looks. Unless she has the body of a video model.


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Mr steal your girl said:


> Yeah a man can have lustful urges and value his wife on a deeper level.
> 
> Yes it's pretty much black and white. Good girls don't get those lusty looks. Unless she has the body of a video model.


So in essence, you are saying a man will never fancy his good girl wife as much as, say, the fit bird on TV but it is better that he doesn't fancy her as much because he'll like her for longer and thinks she's a better person?


----------



## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

That is an awesome compliment.


----------



## ArcadeFire (Sep 21, 2012)

Totally a compliment, I don't get the whole sexy bad girl rubbish. Nothing better than being married to a good person


----------



## Mr steal your girl (Aug 11, 2012)

tobio said:


> So in essence, you are saying a man will never fancy his good girl wife as much as, say, the fit bird on TV but it is better that he doesn't fancy her as much because he'll like her for longer and thinks she's a better person?


Lol, you want this wrapped up in a nice tidy box. It doesn't really work that way.

Will your husband ever look at you like a porn star and get a raging hard on till the point of blue balls? Probably not. But if he did, then other men would as well. Then you would not have been chosen as a wife.

You can't pick and choose the the person and the level of lustiness they have for you. 

A true player steps out the game and marries a good girl..Because he's seen it all...He's not going to base his pickings on a "hot girl"..because hot women get you no where in life.


----------



## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Mr steal your girl said:


> Lol, you want this wrapped up in a nice tidy box. It doesn't really work that way.
> 
> Will your husband ever look at you like a porn star and get a raging hard on till the point of blue balls? Probably not. But if he did, then other men would as well. Then you would not have been chosen as a wife.
> 
> ...


I was being ever-so-slightly tongue-in-cheek... However it is interesting what you say. I just don't think every man thinks like you do - though I suspect some of them do. My point was kinda that you are displaying a real black and white attitude and I just don't think people are that clear-cut. Or maybe I have a different idea of what exemplifies a "hot girl" and that the two can happily exist within the same woman.

Anyhow... I gather that the general consensus is that the good girl comment is a compliment. I suppose to me I had some negative connotations attached to it... Like "good girl" = trustworthy BUT not quite that hot or attractive. Like sacrificing attractiveness for a safe bet.

I shall now stop overthinking!


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

tobio said:


> I was being ever-so-slightly tongue-in-cheek... However it is interesting what you say. I just don't think every man thinks like you do - though I suspect some of them do. My point was kinda that you are displaying a real black and white attitude and I just don't think people are that clear-cut. Or maybe I have a different idea of what exemplifies a "hot girl" and that the two can happily exist within the same woman.
> 
> Anyhow... I gather that the general consensus is that the good girl comment is a compliment. I suppose to me I had some negative connotations attached to it... Like "good girl" = trustworthy BUT not quite that hot or attractive. Like sacrificing attractiveness for a safe bet.
> 
> I shall now stop overthinking!


When men think of marriage they think of security , home ,kids , a good woman and forever.

When they think of sex, they think of hot woman.
So the ideal is a mixture of both in the right proportions.


----------

