# Need help dealing with wife and friends



## newbie12

Hi all,

Just recently married and found out how difficult my wife when it comes to family and friends. She relocated to my place from another state. Everytime, I ask her to go with my family or friends she always give me a tough time. Basically, she don't want to go but don't mind let me go alone. I am social and she is more home girl, but i don't see what is going with going out with your husband to meet with friends. Yet, if she asks me to see her family, I have no problem and never let her ask twice. I am fair person, I just expect her to do the same regardless if it's family or friends. This really frustrate me. I used to hangout with friends for group diner, lunch, or get together cook but now I no longer because she has no interest in my friends. I am not saying that friends is more important than family, but she always argue and use an excuse that I make friends more important than her. I also closed my facebook because she deleted some of my girl friends from facebook that I knew for years and I had no relationship other than just friend. Please help me understand and let me know if I am wrong. thanks.


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## gofish

It's great to hear that you're recently married, newbie12. My husband and I are working on 18 years, and while we've had our ups and downs, I still think it was the best decision I've ever made! 

However, getting through disagreements, especially in those early years, can be tough. In working with Focus on the Family, I have come across some helpful material for newlyweds that might interest you. Here's a book on the first years in marriage that you may also want to check out. 

It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing in communicating with your wife. That is such an important aspect of a marriage! Hang in there, friend. I am praying for you both. Take care!


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## feelingallalone

gofish said:


> It's great to hear that you're recently married, newbie12. My husband and I are working on 18 years, and while we've had our ups and downs, I still think it was the best decision I've ever made!
> 
> However, getting through disagreements, especially in those early years, can be tough. In working with Focus on the Family, I have come across some helpful material for newlyweds that might interest you. Here's a book on the first years in marriage that you may also want to check out.
> 
> It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing in communicating with your wife. That is such an important aspect of a marriage! Hang in there, friend. I am praying for you both. Take care!


Go Fish, it seems like you are spamming this forum for Focus on the Family, all your posts are similar, you cut and past and you are simply promoting your organization, you sound extremely insincere. So yes, you are fishing here, and appear to be spammer.


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## PTCrusier

newbie12,

If you were to stop in my office with this problem looking for advice here are some questions I would ask:

Surely if you got married you had a relationship before marriage is what she is doing out of character from the girl you dated and proposed marriage to? 

If it is, there is more here then her being "selfish" and not reciprocating your actions toward her. 

If it is not you have to remember that you married her at her current state and not what you want her to become. As you live and function together you will rub off on each other. God's desire is not that 2 people act as one, but that two people become one. 

Serve her without the intention of getting something from her and watch how her attitude will change.


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## eh12

You said "...I make friends more important than her. " She is probably not getting what she needs from you. Find out what that is and she might be more interested in your needs. Don't forget that you both need to leave and cleave to each other vs families now that you are married.


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## gofish

feelingallalone: I'm sorry if I came off as insincere. I assure you that I really do care. I am just sharing what I know and what I have seen help others.

newbie12: I think eh12 and PTCruiser make some excellent points you should consider. You know, I have some friends, a couple, who are very different socially. He's very outgoing, like yourself, and she's very introverted, like your wife. It's taken them some time to work that out, and I have seen a lot of compromise from them both. When you consider the needs of your spouse first, like eh12 and PTCruiser both suggested, you are showing true love to her and are more likely to see that reciprocated. I hope some of the suggestions you've been given have been helpful to you. God bless!


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