# Why is my husband trying so hard to provok me?



## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

*Why is he doing this?*

New here not sure best place to post. but i don;t know where to make a new post. forgive me running into your place. 

Since last sept., My husband has stayed out of home around 18-22 days a month which is over his maximum of working out of town period which is 15 days a month. 

he claimed he was working out of town anyway. 

i found that he has 2 movie tickets from our town's theatre in his pockets sept 30 2012 and i know who accompanied him was not me; these night he claimed he was working out of town overnight;

I found out he has resturant invoices from our town when he claimed he was working out of town overnight; ;these night he claimed he was working out of town overnight;

1. he always wants to go out without me when he is finally home 8 - 12 days per month


2...or he is finally home for 8 days a month, he will agree to his ex wife to help her on their kids from their past marriage. but he never willing to help me on the kids he has with me 


3. or when he is finally home for 8 days per month only, if he is not doing what listed above in item 1 or 2, he will try to pick a bone out of a egg----he will try very hard to provok me. 

*why is he trying so hard to provok me? *


*what should i do with him?*


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

Ask a mod to move this thread to Coping with Infidelity. Or start a thread there and let the mod close this one.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

The truth, because you let him. What to do, stop allowing him. Meaning stand up for yourself. Tell him what you want and if he won't comply ask him to leave and file for divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

My husband only suppose to work out of town 15 days per month. Recently, he has stayed out of home around 18-22 days a month which is 3 to 7 days more per month than he suppose to stay out of house overnight for work.


i found that he has 2 movie tickets from our town's theatre in his pockets sept 30 2012 and i know who accompanied him was not me;

I found out he has resturant invoices from our town when he claimed he was working out of town;


1. he always wants to go out without me when he is finally home which is only 8 - 12 days/ month

2...or when he is finally home for 8 days a month, he will agree to his ex wife to help her on their kids from their past marriage. but he never willing to help me on our kids he has with me

3. or when he is finally home for 8 days only, he will try to pick a bone out of a egg----he will try very hard to provok me. 

*why is he trying to provok me so hard?*

what should i do with him? 



tell him to leave from the house, it's like help him realize his affair dream; and i have taken care 3 babies he has with me, all by myself 18-22 days at a monthly base, i need him to help me on our kids when he is home;

but by leaving him in the house, he will agree to his ex to have his kids over which is more work load for me, even though he is around anyway; or he will try very hard to provok me, or he will do both, provok me and help his ex. such as having kids he has with her over on her birthday July 4th, to screw up my independent day holiday.


*He also gets extremly upset if i ever talk with any neighbours who have been his neighbours when he was in marriage with his EX. Why?*


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I don't think the main question should be why your H is trying to provoke you; it should be what are you going to do about this situation.

Ever considered asking him who he's boinking? Maybe it's his ex?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband provokes you so that he has an excuse to not be home, hang with his ex and be with other women.

Are you able to support yourself.. do you have a job? 

You should see and attorney to see what your rights are in a divorce. It sounds like this is where you are headed.

The only chance you have to get him to stop this behavior is to tell him to move out and/or file for divorce. He thinks you will put up with him mistreating you.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

if i tell him to leave, it's not only give him more time with his affair, but also i have taken care of our 3 babies 3,2.1 year old without a minute of break when he is out of home at a 18-22 days month base, i need him to watch our kids for me in order to give myself a break;

but by not listen to your advise, he will agree to his EX to have his kids he has with her from their past marriage to come to my house besides they visit him 1/2 half year out of one year, which not only screw up my schedule, but also he wants me to baby - sit his 3 of his kids from his past marriage, ( one is retarted ), + 3 kids he has with me, in order for him to take one of his 4 kids to play base ball. 

or if he is home for very short time, he will try very hard to provok me. 


or he will do both: provok me very hard, and mean time agree to his ex to have their kids come to my house for his EX's birthday on july 4 th to screw up my independent day plan......


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

what is boinking"? thanks


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

cheating husband said:


> i found that he has 2 movie tickets from our town's theatre in his pockets sept 30 2012 and i know who accompanied him was not me;
> 
> I found out he has resturant invoices from our town when he claimed he was working out of town;
> 
> ...


You need to be over in the "coping with infidelity" section.

I wouldn't reveal what you know about the movie and restaurant dates. You need to be covertly collecting as much information as possible because the minute he knows you suspect, he will drive the affair deep undergroundand destroy any existing evidence.

Do you have full access to cell phone, computer, email etc.?

A voice activated recorder in his car would be informative too.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

i told him to stay away for a while if he can't stop provoking me. so he has, so have i taken care of the 3 babies he has with me for 24 days without a minute of break, because he only gives me little money barely enough to buy enough food, i sure not able to spend money on baby sitting.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

why do u think i let him? thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> what is boinking"? thanks


sex


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> i told him to stay away for a while if he can't stop provoking me. so he has, so have i taken care of the 3 babies he has with me for 24 days without a minute of break, because he only gives me little money barely enough to buy enough food, i sure not able to spend money on baby sitting.


Go see an attorney.

Depending on where you live this could be fixed pretty quickly.

A lawyer could get you both child support and spousal support. You would then have the money you need to live on. You will also need to find a job. Do you have an education and job skills? If now he might be court ordered to support you while you get these.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

If you decide to ultimately divorce your husband, he will have to pay child support. You might also qualify for assistance - food stamps, medical care, housing.

Please do not think you have no options. You do. Need an attorney but cannot afford one? You call your county's public defender's office. You can get free legal advice and representation.

Yes, it sounds as if your husband is having sex with either his ex wife or some other woman. 

Don't put up with this crap. Get to an attorney. You DO have rights. You do not have to live like this.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

Thanks a lot to all of you!!! I do appreciate.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

i talked about divorce, so he gets committment order twice to force me into mental hospital only to get proof from my dr. there in writen to state that I am mently healthy. 



then anytime, when i try to take a break for myself, he calls ambulance to harass me. what can he benefit by doing so?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> i talked about divorce, so he gets committment order twice to force me into mental hospital only to get proof from my dr. there in writen to state that I am mently healthy.
> 
> 
> 
> then anytime, when i try to take a break for myself, he calls ambulance to harass me. what can he benefit by doing so?


It would really help to know where you live. The things that you are saying don't make a lot of sense. So what country do you live in? If you live in the USA what state?


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

where do i live? USA.

he wants mental hospital to say i am crazy in order for him to get custody of kids and he doesn't have to pay child support. 

but doctors are not in his control, so they did give me paper in hand to say that i am mentally heathy.

still, i don't quite understand what my husband can benefit by calling ambulance to harass me?


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

he said I make him to stay out overnight when he is not working because i get loud with him when he provoks me. 

his mother even said : it's hard for my son to keep up with 2 family." 

what she mean? 2 family? his EX is no more part of his family, why the hell his mother thinks her son should hurt mine, my family's interest to satisfy her son's EX's interest? 

should i think his mother know what is going on, but only me is in the dark?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> he said I make him to stay out overnight when he is not working because i get loud with him when he provoks me.
> 
> his mother even said : it's hard for my son to keep up with 2 family."
> 
> ...


His children from his previous marriage are still his family. It is hard to have two sets of children. Do his other children ever come stay at your house?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> where do i live? USA.
> 
> he wants mental hospital to say i am crazy in order for him to get custody of kids and he doesn't have to pay child support.
> 
> ...


Ok so you live in the USA so you have a lot of rights.

Go see an attorney. Do not tell your husband what you are doing. Many attorneys will give a 30-60 mintutes free consulation the first time they see you. I went to several of them and so got a lot of free consultations. I asked different questions of each of them. 

A good attorney will file for divorce and put in an emergency order for interim child support, spousal support and custody. 

Since he has been calling mental health on you when you have no problem, you can most likely get him removed from the home.

Your husband seems to think that he has all the power.. but you have rights as well. The fact that he withhold $$ from you is disturbing; especially since you have children as well.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yeah, so the CHEATING needs to be your main focus instead of this "PROVOKING".


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

It doesn't sound like his mother is a friend of your marriage. I wouldn't confide in her. You need to talk to a lawyer to find out what your situation will be like if you divorce. Also, you need to look into finding a job or into getting education for a job that can support you so you are not so dependent on your absent H for money. If he is trying to get you committed to a mental hospital, he does not have your best interest and well being in mind. See a lawyer to protect yourself and your custody of your children.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

my husband agreed his EX to have his 4 kids over my house in order to let his EX to have a happy birthday on July 4th 2013 when it is my indenpendent day holiday, too. 

and for years, my husband has constantly frequently agreed his EX to have these kids over my house beside their regular visitation with him in my house half year out of one year.

these kids are good kids. but i feel i am being taken advantage when my husband does above mentioned.

especially after i have taken care of 3 babies he has with me 18-22 days in a roll and a monthly base, he expects me to baby-sit 3 babies i have with him, and 3 of his 4 kids, one of them is retarted, when he take one his kids from his past marriage to baseball game. 


i don't feel he is right to do so. he should take his kids from his past marriage to baseball regardless i am tired or not. 

i can cook, laundry etc. for his kids from his past marriage, but i don't think i am responsible to be their father through baby-sitting them for their father at a regular base: 5 days out of a week when one of his kids play baseball. 


he critical that i am not a responsible step mother by refusing to baby sit his kids for him. 

he is simply a lot of ****.... i hate him


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

they stay in my house half year out of one year, as if my husband has shared custody, but really he only has visitation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> my husband agreed his EX to have his 4 kids over my house in order to let his EX to have a happy birthday on July 4th 2013 when it is my indenpendent day holiday, too.
> 
> and for years, my husband has constantly frequently agreed his EX to have these kids over my house beside their regular visitation with him in my house half year out of one year.
> 
> ...


There is a lot going on here. 

You married a man with 4 children from another marriage. Then you had 3 children with him. You chose to do this. You are not a victim.

He should be able to have other children over to his house all the wants. Not it’s not fair of him to put all of the child care on you. That’s not right. He needs to be the one to do the major parenting. But as long as you make it difficult for him to have his other children over, he will most likely spend more time with them. So this drives him to his ex’s house.

You are your husband have not been working as a team. He’s cheating. He shows you a lot of disrespect. If he stopped the cheating and started to work as a team member with you, then I’d say that counseling is in order. But it does not sound like he has any intention of stopping the stuff he’s doing. So divorce might be your best bet.


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## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

I don't see why he is so necesary in your life, he's never there and when he's there he's making you miserable or bringing more kids for you to watch, so I don't see how he is giving you a break.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband said:


> i can cook, laundry etc. for his kids from his past marriage, but i don't think i am responsible to be their father through baby-sitting them for their father at a regular base: 5 days out of a week when one of his kids play baseball.
> 
> 
> he critical that i am not a responsible step mother by refusing to baby sit his kids for him.
> ...


You are right that raising his kids is not your responsibility.

So he needs to take care of them and make arrangements for them when he's not there if you are not willing to take care of the children. 

Did you two discuss how this was going to be dealt with before you married him and had even more children with him?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*



cheating husband said:


> why do u think i let him? thanks


We teach people how to treat us plain and simple. Think about a woman in your life you admire for her confidence in herself. Now ask yourself, would she put up with my husband if she was in my shoes? 

You don't need him, he's once a week that's seeing him 12 a year. He also from what I understand brings 4 kids when he's home. Where does he give you a break? I dont see it, he brings more Kids and you say he wants to go out alone. You are going to end up with STDs. Look up co-dependancy. See if it sounds familiar. Also, value yourself woman! He's treating you like crapp and here you are "oh but I need him" why you like to be undervalued, maid and nanny for free, I can cheat and know you are there because your a sucker type of wife? Sorry to be so blunt but, you need to snap out of it.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

*Re: My husband gets extremly upset if i ever talk with any neighbours*

I need more information personally.

It does sound like he's over-involved with his ex. Did you ask him about the movie tickets? Still, if he has children with her, and is only home 8 - 12 days per month, I would understand why he would want to spend those 8 - 12 days with his kids from a prior marriage/union in addition to with you and the kids he has together.

As for all of the "why's" your guess is as good as or likely better than mine. 

Was his work schedule like this when you met? Are you upset by the presence of his other children? If the answer is yes, I can't help but wonder why you'd marry a man with this kind of schedule especially if the presence of his other children bothered you so much - they have just as much a right to a relationship with their father as yours do.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

*Re: My husband gets extremly upset if i ever talk with any neighbours*

Do you want to find out if your husband is cheating and who with? There are ways if you can be patient. Ways to do it properly. Though you already know he is don't you. Do you think it is his ex? Or someone else.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*



cheating husband said:


> why do u think i let him? thanks


Only you can answer that one. Why do you let him behave the way he does without consequences? Once you can answer that question, you can proceed to asking what to do about it, right?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*



cheating husband said:


> why do u think i let him? thanks


 Because your husband is living a double life and you LET HIM COME HOME.

Pack his crap up, leave it outside, get a lawyer to draw up divorce papers, and hire a locksmith to change the locks. You can always cancel the divorce if he wises up and stops cheating. But honestly, I doubt he is capable at this point. You've lost him. Accept it.

Were you dating him while he was still married to his first wife?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He does it because you let him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

i like his kids as much as i like my own kids, but doesn't mean i like to be taken advantage of , doesn't mean i want to live in a house full of sh.ty mess made by his kids half year out of one year, especially when these mess made by his kids made my babies choked, made me fall down to have early-water-broken to deliver one of my kids with C-Section


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

i don't have problem that he has his kids from his past marriage come over my house beside 1/2 year out of year regular visitation.

but i do have problem my husband never ask them to pick up the mess they make in house which made me fell twice to have Early-Water - Broken and make my babies choked .....


and i do have problem my husband expects me to take care his kids when he has over beside regular visition they are in my house 1/2 year out of year, despite of the facts that he needs to be their father and i need to have a break,

i should be able to eat out by myself on independent day when he chose to please his ex to watch these kids beside they come to house to visit him half year out of one year, 


i should be able to have a break without being harassed by him, because i already have been taken care of my 3 kids without a hand for 18-22 days at a monthly base


it's fine he doesn't want to have independent day or whatever day dinner with me, but it not fine with me he harass me, provok me because i went out to have my own dinner, to enjoy my indenpendent day, to have break for myself, to have a life of mine......


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

will i be arrested if i lock him out before filing divorce or before getting a restraining order? he called police on me before when i locked him out. thanks


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

if he is your husband, what consenquence you will give him? 

thanks for advice


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

how can i get his phone record? thanks


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

very useful. 

i wish i have money to hire a lawyer.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

Don't just lock him out today in a kneejerk reaction. Find a lawyer first, go see the lawyer, and do what the lawyer tells you you are legally allowed to do. Be SMARTER than him.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

A consequence has to come from a position of power. See the lawyer first. Once you know if you can kick him out, THEN your consequences will look like: if you contact another woman while at this home, I am packing your stuff and throwing it outside. Or if I see phone calls on our bill to a woman's number, I am filing for divorce.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

what about he refuse to move out? what is my next step? actually he tried to make me move out.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

Urgent!!!!!


my husband is texting me to say he wants to come back. i really don't want him to come back.

will i be arrested if i lock him out before filing divorce? 

thanks a lot


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

cheating husband said:


> i didn't let him, i told him NO, which didn't work.
> 
> How can i Not Let him? thanks





PBear said:


> He does it because you let him.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



i said No. which has not worked so far. What can i do to NOt Let him. thanks


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You are right that raising his kids is not your responsibility.
> 
> So he needs to take care of them and make arrangements for them when he's not there if you are not willing to take care of the children.
> 
> Did you two discuss how this was going to be dealt with before you married him and had even more children with him?


he told me that he only has his kids from his past marriage every other weekend before we get married. 

now it turns out the truth is that his divorce decree requirs him to have his kids half year out of one year totally, these days are not spread out evenly month by month, so he gets them every other weekend + all kind of holiday for 3-10 days each holiday,+ his and their birthdays, + summer time 6 wks, 


rest of the year, he works out of town nearly half year out of one year, that's why i mostly take care of 3 babies i have with him 18-22 days at a monthly base, except summer time, because he will be home with his kids from his past marriage for 6 wks; 

totally he spends less than 3 month out of a year without his kids around him when he is home with me and our kids

when his kids in my house, in the day he play with his kids from his past marriage, take them to resturant, movie theatre, travel out of town, but not the kids he has with me;

in the night, he sleeps with his kids from his past marriage;

i have no problem with divorce decree even he didn't tell me truth aobut he really get them half year out of one year totally.

i agreed initially he can sleep with his kids from his past marriage before i realize he actually has them over my house half year out of one year;

what i dislike, really upset me is that he always agree to his EX to have them over my place, plus regularly they come to my house half year out of one by divoce decree.

i don't feel this is my house, but his kids' house, because he never ask them or allow me to ask them to pick up mess they make, which means i have to pick up the mess they make half year out of one year, or my baby get choked,or i fell to deliver my baby by c-section because of early-water-broken caused by felling on the mess they made;

i don't feel i have a life, but his EX runs my life, she even decides frequently if i can have dinner with my husband or not such as my husband will agree to have his kids over my place for her birthday which is independent day to ruin my holiday dinner with my husband and my own kids......


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Ok so you live in the USA so you have a lot of rights.
> 
> Go see an attorney. Do not tell your husband what you are doing. Many attorneys will give a 30-60 mintutes free consulation the first time they see you. I went to several of them and so got a lot of free consultations. I asked different questions of each of them.
> 
> ...



how can i remove him from the house? 

change Lock? any other way legally?


will i be arrested if i lock him out before filing divorce?


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There is a lot going on here.
> 
> You married a man with 4 children from another marriage. Then you had 3 children with him. You chose to do this. You are not a victim.
> 
> ...




what he did make u think he is very disrespectful? i am slow minded, so i am not able to see that myself. i will be appreciated if u can point these disrespectful behaviours for me, then i can recorgnize by myself if i ever run into another marriage or another man. 




and i am not able to see by myself that " But it does not sound like he has any intention of stopping the stuff he’s doing" '

i am very slow minded, i guess that's why it takes me so long to realize he is cheating. 

think back, now i realize he has cheaten me since the delivery of our 1st child, 4 years ago, but i didn't realize it till recently

thanks


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Ok so you live in the USA so you have a lot of rights.
> 
> Go see an attorney. Do not tell your husband what you are doing. Many attorneys will give a 30-60 mintutes free consulation the first time they see you. I went to several of them and so got a lot of free consultations. I asked different questions of each of them.
> 
> ...



it's clever idea to consult different lawyers for free for 30 min. I wish i have money to hire a lawyer, and the fact is that i don't even have money to pay a baby sitter to give myself a break


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> I don't think the main question should be why your H is trying to provoke you; it should be what are you going to do about this situation.
> 
> Ever considered asking him who he's boinking? Maybe it's his ex?



yes, i asked. sure he said no, there is no such, i am crazy, then he forced me into mental hospital by committment order, which if he can realize his plan he doesn't have to explain himself to me, he also can take away my children from me, no more paying child support if i try to divorce him. 

too bad, i have doctors' statement in written says i am mentally healthy.



what am i going to do w. this situation? what is your advice? thanks


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*



mablenc said:


> The truth, because you let him. What to do, stop allowing him. Meaning stand up for yourself. Tell him what you want and if he won't comply ask him to leave and file for divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


he refuses to leave. he said this is his house as well. i locked him out once, he called police on me. 

how can i keep him out before divorce finalized


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*

You really need to have this thread as well as the one in the Men's section merged with your thread in CWI. All three are asking the exact same question(s).


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: Why is he doing this?*



cheating husband said:


> how can i keep him out before divorce finalized


 We already told you: WITH A LAWYER.


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## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

I don't know how the law works in your country, you have to check that with an attorney, not just forums. The way it works in my country is you have to go to the authorities anddenounce (I can't find the specific word in english) that your husband is cheating and abusive. You're gonna have to file for support, and with those steps taken, you can ask the authorities for permission to change the lock. He will be notified by the authorities that he can no longer step foot in the conjugal home.

The problem I see is so many people don't know their rights and believe a cheating/lying spouse about all the threats, and don't even bother finding out what their rights are. No one can force you to remain in a miserable situation. You can't really believe a lying/cheating spuse is gonna acknowledge your rights. He's not gonna come up to you and say "hey, I know you're most likely gonna win the case, you have rights, but I'm gonna try to screw you over". They're gonna try to scare the other part, as the past has proven again and again.

I know this is hard, but you need to get off the computer and go out and do this. I know it feels overwhelming, and it is, but you can do this. You can both get him out of your life, and go through life without him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cheating husband,

are your still around? What going on with your situation now?


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