# Husband only interested in sex once a month



## Dovie (Apr 28, 2013)

My husband is only interested in sex every 3-4 weeks. I know the time because he will start being nicer and hug me or something to show he is interested. The other 3 weeks he doesn't cuddle me or give me much attention. Is this normal? I wish he would want to hold me and put his arm around me a lot. I would be willing to have sex once or twice a week and I have told him that. Do you have any advice for me? I feel a lack of confidence when I feel he doesn't want to be with me.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

He sounds like my wifee.

Take the initiative. Wait for him in the shower and surprise him with a quickie before work.

Wear some sexy outfit for when he gets home.

Find out if he watches porn and if he does, do that with him.

He might just be a LD guy. Test booster or test shots from the Dr will fix this.

Are you both fit?

Kids?

Work?

Most guys want sex often and not 1x each month, so no, that's not normal.

How old are you guys?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I disagree with the above poster.

You need to give your H and ultimatum, because your relationship is currently at risk, your needs are not being met and you are not connecting.

When you promised to be faithful and only have sex with one another its not fair for one person to take sex out of the marriage, it is what sets your marriage apart from other relationships. 

When you have sex with each other you release oxytocin
and bond with each other. 

You need to have a frank discussion with your husband. Does he have low energy? He needs a health check and a testosterone check. 

Is there any chance he's cheating or watching lots or porn? You need to rule both of these out, so try and monitor his computer and cell phone usage and see what you can find.

He may need to realise he will lose you if he doesn't take action.

Please also seek counselling.


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## creative (Apr 23, 2013)

I agree with LittleDeer, having sex every 3-4 weeks there must be something going on 'behind the scenes'. What I mean is there must be a reason why he only wants to be affectionate when he wants some but it's the emotionally distance is a red flag in what's going on in him. The red flag could be a number of things and the best way, i think is to confront him about it.

Sex is an important part of any relationship and some people like it more than others but if the behavioural pattern has changed, then for him internally there could be something he is withholding from himself, or from you. Just talk to him about it and see if he opens up. If he's a real 'blokes bloke', maybe a close friend of his might shed some light. I know for me if I go a few weeks without giving my wife some sex, there's always something I'm not dealing with but that's me and every one is different.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Don't give him an ultimatum because it will work at first with more sex but then he will more than likely go back to his old LD ways. I had the talk with my wife and at first, the amount of sex was normal but then she went back to her old LD ways.

He might be addicted to porn and only wants sex with you when he needs the physical contact.

He may be LD and needs test shots.

He might be seeing someone else, EA or PA.

He might be a sexually passive guy and you need to be the aggressor.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I disagree with the above poster.
> 
> You need to give your H and ultimatum, because your relationship is currently at risk, your needs are not being met and you are not connecting.
> 
> ...


Are you sure you responded to the correct post? 

It's never appropriate to tell someone what they "need" to do. She doesn't "need to give her husband an ultimatum" because he simply may not be feeling himself. You can never go wrong with starting a conversation in a dignified manner. 
To approach him as a crazed, demanding, ultimatum issuing wife isn't the best way to approach a problem.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

How old are both of you, and how long have you been married? Has your sex life always been like this?

As a man, I can't wait 3 or 4 weeks for sex....seems like a low testosterone issue or he is getting satisfied in some other fashion that you might not be aware of. Talk about it and tell him how you feel.


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