# How to get her to move?



## mrtoogood (Jun 28, 2012)

So tomorrow will be one month since my....fiancee....told me that she was no longer in this relationship. She loves me but is not in love with me. 

We have a new house (2 payments made), and a 3-year-old daughter. She started her first job in 3 years the day after she dropped the bomb.

She had started looking for apartments, however I was able to get her to agree to stay at the house for a few more months for our daughter's sake.

After all the research, reading, and thinking that I've done, I've realized that there's no way that this relationship can ever work out unless she moves out. I need to heal, and become the man that I once was when she fell in love with me, but I just can't do it with her right there in front of me. Believe me, I've tried.

My problem is that I don't know how to do it. She doesn't really have enough money to get an apartment....at least not for another month or so. She doesn't even have a phone right now. Plus there's the issue where I believe our daughter should stay with me where we had planned for her to grow up and go to school, rather than in a cheap apartment in a bad area of town.

I'm sure some of you have ran into this before. Any ideas on how I should handle this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Typically, he who wants/needs the separation moves out...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

mrtoogood said:


> My problem is that I don't know how to do it. She doesn't really have enough money to get an apartment....at least not for another month or so. She doesn't even have a phone right now. Plus there's the issue where I believe our daughter should stay with me where we had planned for her to grow up and go to school, rather than in a cheap apartment in a bad area of town.
> 
> I'm sure some of you have ran into this before. Any ideas on how I should handle this?


You're being very kind, but you know, maybe she should have thought about all this before breaking up with you.


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## mrtoogood (Jun 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> Typically, he who wants/needs the separation moves out...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand that...however I own the house. I can't afford a house payment and payment for another place to live, with all of the utilities that come with that.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

No, you don't need to pay for another place. She is not your wife. She is your fiancee and broke off the engagement, am I right?

She can worry about paying for her own place, and until she is settled, the child stays with you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My first thought is if you kick her out now, reconciliation may not be an option anymore. But if you can't live together, then you do what you have to do. Suck it up and tell her how you feel. 

Second, what WAS her plan with regards to how she was going to finance things, where your daughter would live, etc.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

mrtoogood said:


> She loves me but is not in love with me.


Not that it matters but this lines comes up after almost everytime there is a 3rd person in the picture.

Have you done anything legal about your child, since you two aren't married?


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## mrtoogood (Jun 28, 2012)

keko said:


> Not that it matters but this lines comes up after almost everytime there is a 3rd person in the picture.
> 
> Have you done anything legal about your child, since you two aren't married?


I have an attorney's number, but I haven't made any moves yet. She really is a good mother most of the time, and I'm fearing the guilt of trying to get full custody.

I know it needs to be done so I can protect my daughter.

Everyone I (we) know says that there is no one else in the picture, but I have a very good suspicion that she has someone there for her emotionally.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

If she is no longer interested in the relationship, it's not your obligation to pay for where she will be living. The sooner you make it possible for her to face this reality, the best shot you have at having her back. Your ONLY responsibility is with your daughter. That's it.


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## mrtoogood (Jun 28, 2012)

keko said:


> Not that it matters but this lines comes up after almost everytime there is a 3rd person in the picture.
> 
> Have you done anything legal about your child, since you two aren't married?


I have no idea, to be honest. I think that she believes that she can stay at the house until she has enough money to move comfortably.

Can't say that I blame her for that. I could kick her out and ruin her life (she has nowhere to go and no money, and she would probably lose her job), but I'm not that mean. I do daydream about it sometimes, though.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

There's someone in the picture. Think about it? Why the hell would a woman with a new house, a 3 year old daughter want to leave the relationship? She's in an EA, possible PA. Research and see what you find.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

I bought a house with my ex about a year or 2 after we got married (3-4 years together). 

Thought she was happy, she was having an EA with an ex LDR until I caught it.

Just saying.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

mrtoogood said:


> I have no idea, to be honest. I think that she believes that she can stay at the house until she has enough money to move comfortably.
> 
> Can't say that I blame her for that. I could kick her out and ruin her life (she has nowhere to go and no money, and she would probably lose her job), but I'm not that mean. I do daydream about it sometimes, though.


You might want to do a little undercover work to find out who he is, then expose them. This will very likely wake her up from the 'fog' she's in.


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## mrtoogood (Jun 28, 2012)

keko said:


> You might want to do a little undercover work to find out who he is, then expose them. This will very likely wake her up from the 'fog' she's in.


I've already done the research, and know who it is. She leaves her facebook open all the time.

My issue is that I don't want to break any trust that she currently has in me. I know, I know...that she has broken mine. But two wrongs don't make a right, do they?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Mrtoogood, you are worried about breaking HER trust in YOU?

Keko, hit it.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

mrtoogood said:


> I've already done the research, and know who it is. She leaves her facebook open all the time.
> 
> My issue is that I don't want to break any trust that she currently has in me. I know, I know...that she has broken mine. But two wrongs don't make a right, do they?


Keep in mind that you wouldn't actually be telling her how you got the info, all you could say is you just know it. 

Is that guy someone from her new work by any chance?


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## mrtoogood (Jun 28, 2012)

keko said:


> Keep in mind that you wouldn't actually be telling her how you got the info, all you could say is you just know it.
> 
> Is that guy someone from her new work by any chance?


A guy she met in the game Second Life. She has gone through a few phases where she played that game cause she was bored at home (she was a full-time stay at home mom for 3 years). She seemed to have formed some pretty strong bonds with a few of her friends on there. Mostly girls but some guys too. I was never comfortable with it and I told her as much, but I never felt that it was my place to tell her not to. 

I'm starting to see now that it was a big mistake on my part. Now that I think about it, she had an emotional relationship with another guy from that game a few years back. I even met him once. I found their conversations on Facebook as well. 

By the way I hate Facebook too. All this damn technology making it so easy to connect to people. Never thought it would have such a big impact on my relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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