# Am I nieve to think he will grow out of it?



## rebecca1

My husband and I met when I was 17 and he was 21. He smoked weed then, which I thought was something he was grow out of as he matured. Well here we are 9 years later and while he doesn't like going to the bar anymore he still smokes constantly.

I know I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but to be fair we had split up for about 2 yrs, when we got back together 5 yrs ago he said he had stopped blah blah. Then we move in together and he is smoking which he claims is just every once in a while. 

Now we have been married for a little over a year, and have a child. He still smokes constantly (daily, some days I think the only time he is sober is when he wakes up and hasn't made it outside yet). He says he doesn't have a problem and only does it relieve stress - which I know he is stressed, we just started our own business about 6 months ago.

I want him to stop for health reasons, but mainly because of our daughter. He says he can stop anytime, but he doesn't think there is a problem with him smoking.

How can I show him the results this could have on our family so he will want to stop? Or am I just in a loosing battle?


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## prometheus

The hardest thing for a pot smoker to do is imagine lifes daily activities without weed. Watching a movie, eating, sex, t.v, reading everything to a heavy user is enhanced by weed. Been there done that, 25yrs. Its a lie. 
You could give him a ultimatum. Drugs can and will destroy a marriage. Never compromise that it's ok sometimes. Challenge him to go to the movies or go out to eat, on a date, without being high. Go have a good time, something he likes to do without being high so he can see that it's possible. 
It's tough, no doubt to get beyond the lie. But once a person gets sober and starts to see their REAL selves come back to them again that will be the start of recovery. Once a addict always a addict, its a daily battle but a rewarding victory. Keep posting here.


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## missconfused

Jeez, I know exactly how you feel. 
I thought mine would grow out of his issues, too.


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## dazedbeauty

I was happy when my husband had to get whiz quizzed for work, then guess what got popular ....? Synthetic marijuana !!! They don't test for it. It's expensive too!
I feel like he's someone else when he smokes, I find it's a sign of emotional weakness. I have to take life as it comes, it's not fair that he checks out on me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atholk

Why would someone "grow out of" an addiction?


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## RandomDude

I had a problem with excessive drinking in the past - about 8 litres a week on bourbon (hence also the bad habit of me pissing out over the balcony onto the garden hehe - which the missus complains about since she has to "check the weather" so to speak when going out onto the garden lol)

Ne ways, I needed the stress relief as the first year of marriage was full of headaches and crazy stress. I needed something to escape the reality of my situation - I never wanted marriage, and never wanted to be a dad so soon. I never stopped, until I got pancreatitis. Going cold turkey from my alcohol addiction was problematic to say the least, I had mood swings and started fights with the missus for no reason. But then, after enough fights, she gave up, and I started getting on the grass!

For about a month... it did the same job (not as well, but alright) for me - escapism. But in the end I just looked at my wife and realised she's obviously not happy (ironically pot actually help me in this way, alcohol didn't). So I needed another escapism which didn't rely on drugs/alcohol. I started taking trips out to the country, where my friend has a horse and I get to get away from civilisation for a while. Now I've also taken up a new hobby (horseback archery) which I find great fun and regardless it's always nice to get away from everything once in a while and clear my head - a vacation so to speak, that doesn't require drugs.

Hope this can help, maybe help him find a hobby that he likes, some folks may take up rock-climbing, scuba-diving like my cousin, etc etc. Just as one must find a job he/she likes, or a spouse he/she will love, one must also find a hobby.


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## rebecca1

Thanks for the input. I know he is worried what things will be like if he quits. He said the other day "but I have always smoked" like he doesn't know any other way. I think the other big issue with him quitting is the fact that his best friend and business partners smokes as well, so that is kinda their bonding time I guess.

As for a hobby, about 4 yrs ago he experienced some ear problems that caused him to not be able to dive anymore, so that is not an option any longer. As for finding a new one, we all here probably know the motivation to get up when high.

I think at this point I am going to try to get him to go to counseling with me. Maybe if it comes from someone else he will realize how much this affects our family.


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## CarpeDiem

I agree that you should try and show him that he can a have a good time without having to be high. His drug use is a choice and until HE chooses to quit most likely he won't (at least in my experience). It's not healthy for you or your daughter to be subjected to that. If you give him an ultimatum maybe he will see the seriousness of the situation. I also think it's a good idea to seek counseling like you said. The most important thing is that you stay healthy and provide for your daughter, and I think if it takes you having to separate from him temporarily or permanently then you should.


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## Mrs.G

rebecca1 said:


> My husband and I met when I was 17 and he was 21. He smoked weed then, which I thought was something he was grow out of as he matured. Well here we are 9 years later and while he doesn't like going to the bar anymore he still smokes constantly.
> 
> I know I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but to be fair we had split up for about 2 yrs, when we got back together 5 yrs ago he said he had stopped blah blah. Then we move in together and he is smoking which he claims is just every once in a while.
> 
> Now we have been married for a little over a year, and have a child. He still smokes constantly (daily, some days I think the only time he is sober is when he wakes up and hasn't made it outside yet). He says he doesn't have a problem and only does it relieve stress - which I know he is stressed, we just started our own business about 6 months ago.
> 
> I want him to stop for health reasons, but mainly because of our daughter. He says he can stop anytime, but he doesn't think there is a problem with him smoking.
> 
> How can I show him the results this could have on our family so he will want to stop? Or am I just in a loosing battle?


All you can do is have a serious talk about your concerns. Unfortunately, he will only quit when he's ready. I'm blessed that my husband waited YEARS for me to come to my senses. I finally stopped smoking pot, after a five year love affair with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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