# is she telling the truth



## ajcraw (Jan 15, 2016)

We had sex 4 to 6 times a month. She bugged me to do everything together and we did. She would go braless, wear g strings and dress sexy. She has always been the make-out queen, anytime, anyplace. She was always extremely touchy it is part or her personality. She would ask for back rubs and foot rubs almost daily. When I would touch her in any way she would tell me how sexy it was and beg me not to stop. 
While working out of town the summer of 2012 I would come home weekends to tears of joy with a braless sexy beautiful woman waiting for me at the air-port and the sex was worth the wait. Now It had been three weeks since I had been home and was greeted with a bra, a reluctant kiss and an expression on her face as if someone had died. Something was way off. I ask what was wrong and she said nothing. I had never had to push for sex but this time I did. The sex was different and distant; it was like she was going through the motions. 
When I went back to work the phone calls started to slow down. While talking to her at night she became annoyed. I would tell her to call me before she went to bed but it became common to text me between 10 and 11pm, night I am tired and going to sleep. However, her phone data usage showed internet usage till 1:00am.
A week later I came back home again to drive her back with me for a week. I felt like a visitor. She did not want me around her at all. She sent me on errands with the dog and or told me to stay with the dog while she ran errands. We did very little together. At this point we were moving out of a big house into two smaller ones. One out of town and one here at home. We then went back to the new home out of town for a week. When we arrived we decided to go out. She was panicking because she could not find her phone. She went upstairs to look for it and I decided to call it like we always do when we lose our phones. I found it vibrating in front of me under some papers. I noticed that my picture while vibrating no longer said “MY GUY” it had been replaced with my name. When I hung up I saw that her wallpaper picture was of the dog taken last Christmas. Her favorite picture of her and I in DC, taken just that May had been replaced. I told her what I saw she played it down saying it meant nothing. 
My job ended a month later and we moved back home into our other new place in which she had been living while I was out of town. The minute we were home she began making comments about not having enough space, this being her space and what I could do and not do. It was like she had been single and I just moved into her space. 
We have always shared an office at home. On Monday three days later she suggested with urgency that we move her home office back to corporate 10 min down the road. This thought was never discussed before. She was out before I was back in. 
When moving her to cooperate I found a new checking account statement that just had her name on it. This was an account I never saw or knew about. When I questioned her she said that it was to save for Christmas. I found this odd, why not open a savings account. 
She had used my computer to look at her Facebook at home and accidently tied my home page to her Facebook account as default. I do not do Facebook. I would look at her Facebook just to see the kids etc. Within a very short time she ended that quickly. She called from her new office and told me that she had just changed her password on her Facebook. I ask what the new password was and she said she did not remember but it was one of the many passwords we use. In the same conversation she told me that she opened a twitter account as well. Over the next several months I tried every one of our passwords and all variations and nothing worked. She was flippant and continued to blow me off after several attempts asking what the new password was. Almost a year later she was in my home office and wanted to show me something on Facebook using my computer, I have a 35” screen. I ask her what her password was and she rattled it off. I was in so much shock that I never really saw what she wanted to show me. The password was nothing even close to anything we had ever used. With this new password and using variations of the same I was able to log into her twitter account. I could never find her account because she had not used her full name. She used part of her maiden name then her last name so unless you knew the exact spelling you could not search her on twitter. The account had nothing in it. I then found a PayPal and an eBay account both using the new password with variations of as her last name and maiden name. 
She also told me the day she changed the Facebook passwords that she was going to start deleting Facebook and start a new one. She said she wanted to delete our old client out of town and his wife. The job did not end well. I found out much later that she never did start a new Facebook. She did not start deleting from the beginning or from the end backwards. Her deletions were from my out of town time frame. 
During this two year span she had several massages, and as always she told me afterwards how great it was and how much she drooled. She still loved touch, just not by me. Pet names like sweetie honey, etc. are no longer used, now it is just My name. There were no more words of affirmation. 
She would initiate sex 80% of the time, now it is less than 5%. Sex went from 4 to 6 times per month to once every 4 to 6 weeks. She would get mad every time I would question her about the frequency. When we had sex it seemed like a job on her part. She has always been multi orgasmic and during this time frame I was lectured multiple times that she only needed one orgasm. The more I pushed for additional orgasms, the more she pushed for me to finish. Her facial expressions were not that of pleasure like before, more of disgust, boredom, and or when are you going to finish. It got to the point that I seldom saw her naked. She used to wear g strings and go braless often. She was always looking to turn me on, not anymore. I always looked forward to the sleeveless blue shirt because that meant a braless day where ever we went. During this time frame that shirt always had a bra under it. 
She is angry all the time and she stopped sleeping naked. By the way her hormones are controlled and checked by a MD regularly. 
Through the years she has told everyone that a kiss is not a kiss unless it had tongue. Although she does not kiss me anymore I do kiss her. It is such an empty feeling to kiss someone with tongue and get nothing in return. During this time, I was never told that I looked nice, hot, sexy etc. She was no longer jealous of anyone and at times felt like she was pushing me toward anyone else but her. She no longer talked about us getting old together. She no longer talked about how she wished we were married younger and had kids together. I have always bought her flowers and got a kiss, hug, and or an “ahhh”. Now I am questioned as to why I bought the flowers, no more gratitude of any kind.
The business line goes to her cell phone and clients text her. However, I to noticed her phone records had a lot more of small data being used through the day and at night. The business has not grown. I have since learned that sms texts (smart phone to smart phone), instant messaging, tweets, etc., use the size of data shown on the bill. On many occasion during this two-year period she would say things out of the blue like “I never delete any of my texts”. I never thought much of it until I found out that apple devices count the number of total texts and deleted texts. During this two-year period, she deleted thousands of texts. 
Cell records showed that she almost always answered private numbers she never did before. During these two years she guarded it like it was part of her. She never forgot it, never left it any ware. She would take a shower or go to the bathroom, and take the phone with her. Even when she was in the pool, the phone was on the side of the pool at risk of falling in. She had the phone with her when she mowed the grass and worked in the yard. She would go shopping without me and the phone bill would show that she was surfing the intranet while she was out. While she was out alone she would very seldom answer my calls. I would call her three or four times in a 1 to 3-hour time frame while she was out. She waited until she was around the corner on her way home; then she called me and would apologize, the volume was turned down, on vibrate etc. Phone records showed that most of these times she answered other calls around the same time as the calls of mine she ignored. When answering other calls, the phone would have shown a missed call from me. 
We used to do business meetings together. Now when I ask if she wanted to go with me she said no. When I ask her if she wanted me to go with her to meetings she said no. Then I noticed that some meetings would take her an hour while others of the same type would take 3 plus hours. Her mom lives 75 miles away. She spent more time driving to see her mom during these two years than ever before or after. Needless to say she went to see mom by herself, she would make excuses for me not to come. In these two years she had more time to herself than she did with me.
During these two years she spent more time working at the corporate office than she did when working from home. She started to go shopping after work and on the weekends. I could count the number of times she went shopping by herself before this on less than two hands over a ten-year stretch. She seldom asks and never begged for me to go shopping like before. On several occasions she told me straight up that she did not want me to go with her. Out of the blue on several occasions she said that she thought that we were joined at the hip too much and needed time for herself. 
The new outfits she got for the office without me were conservative but nice. I started to notice that when she would go shopping or to the office she would do makeup and hair, etc. nothing real big but more than she used to. I found this odd since she claimed to have her door closed all day. She was no longer excited to go out with me, it was like pulling teeth. When she did, she did not take near the time to look or smell as good as she did to go the office or shop by herself. She did not have to be sexy, I would have been happy with an office look. While out with me she no longer would lean in to talk; she would sit straight up facing forward or look at her phone and no touching. If I touched her I got a negative responsive or none at all.
I travel for work and she has always gone alone. We have got to see a lot on the company dime. She started to complain about the travel and told me on many occasions that she would be happy if she never had to do that again. She used the word hate with every one of these conversation and on two occasions stayed home. The little bit we traveled in 2013 she was distant and disconnected and complained most of the time again using the words hate. Nothing was the same touching, kissing etc. all gone. She would get pissed when I showed affection in public and give me little to no response in private.
She always told me about new Facebook friends. We had gone to a party of her old high school friends and told me that several of the girls Facebook friended her. I did not have her password to Facebook at this time. She did not tell me that she was friended by a guy from the party the same day the girls friended her and that she had friended another guy herself. On one occasion months later I found a friendly conversation with one guy from the party. This happened during a family crisis involving the kids while she was giving me major grief.
She had two preventive surgeries and did quite well with them. However, she did not want me going to any of her doctors’ appointments. She has always been very open concerning her heath and I have always gone to her appointments with her before. 
In the past she would ask on occasion “if someone very attractive came on to you, could you resist the temptation”, during this time frame it is almost daily. My answer was always yes. 
When I confronted her in Oct of 2014 she immediately became angry and started throwing it back in my face calling me crazy etc. I do not understand anger. For more than two years the lack of touch alone, which is a large part of her personality, is a big red flag especially after I had questioned it so often. After realizing that I was checking up on her she got even more angry. I do not care how much she checks on me and have given her all my passwords.
When she has been wronged she writes letters, sends texts, and talks to everyone she knows to prove her story. I was allowed to talk about my feelings once on this issue once and was never to bring it up again. Only after realizing that I was snooping did she later tell me that she could see how I thought the Facebook friend was could have been an affair. 
Then later she told me that she understood how the lack of touching could generate the feeling of an affair. I never get any explanations for her actions.
I have taken several tests for cheating spouses and she always scores in the 90 to 95% range. I have red flags but no smoking gun. I need the air cleaned and I need her to come clean. Everyone deserves a do over and she is no exception. I still believe there was some kind of indiscretion, but I need closure to move on. During these two years I mourned an affair. The flashbacks of her unwavering desire of me, being and dressing sexy, and having wild spontaneous sex are hard to deal with.
This is the short version the long version contains twenty some pages of more of the same in detail. She asked to read it, got to page 3 and has never finished it. She acknowledged some little things but nothing big. Things are getting better but I still have no answers. My question to all of you; is that she swears that there was no affair, in your experiences, could she be telling the truth.
Thanks for listening.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes she was/is in an affair. What is the current status?

VARs and GPS are in order.

Shut up an act like everything ids fine.

You can also recover deleted texts.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm sorry but what you describe is both very sad, and it's quite obvious that long ago you should have been searching for answers to why your wife fell out of love with you. The most obvious answer is an affair. Why has it taken so long for you to decide to look for answers? I'm so sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Sorry OP but I have to agree with @Chaparral. You described classic signs of an affair. Trust your gut on this. 

You will not find closure on this until you find undisputed proof or she comes clean to admit it.

This is very telling: "She asked to read it, got to page 3 and has never finished it. She acknowledged some little things but nothing big." She did not care to ever read what you wrote. The cheater's admissions always start with the small little things. Eventually more and bigger details will be revealed. 

Moving forward, do you want to continue your marriage?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You left out some basic info that has e scratching my head ? 

What kids ? I know from your posts the two of you don't have any. That your SO felt that she was to old to have children. So what children where you looking at when on her Facebook page ?

Are you married ? 

What is the relationship history for both of you ? 

How long have the two of you been together ?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

plain and simple you tell her that you have lost complete trust in her and if you want to continue this marriage you will take a polygraph or we will divorce...then you will see what kind of person you are married too.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It's an affair; is she's saying otherwise, she's lying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Uh uh. Not a chance


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

From the brief information you have provided here are my thoughts.



She has had more than just some kind of indiscretion - more like something that has caused her to want to be faithful to her lover and reduce sex with you. She was/is in an at least one affair.


What's more is she is planning to leave you. She was lining everything up for this. New account, boundaries in houses, new friends, new passwords, reduced contact (and expectations), reduced sex, reduced conversations etc. She has more than one foot out the door already.


She will not be honest with you while in this fog and at the moment you have no clue why she changed. If she is leaving it is for one of two reasons - built up resentment over time (which you seem to have no knowledge of) OR an affair that has caused her to rewrite marital history. Again, from what you have said, it seems to be the latter.


You have already tipped your hand and she will be even more careful now which makes things tougher but not impossible to uncover. As others are saying, do not say anymore and act normal. Go into deep surveillance and plant VARs where you can (mainly her car or where she spends time alone in the house). If you can, key loggers, email hack etc will help to uncover the truth. Look for the burner phone. In short, pay attention to Weightlifters thread on discovery. Once you find stuff, do not confront straight away - come back here for advice on what to do next.


Are you married (if so, for how long and is it your first marriage)? How old is each of you? Any history of infidelity for either of you ? Any major disagreements ? You need to pay close attention to the period just prior to sex drying up etc.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The "truth" is abundantly coming out! And I cannot help but think that, by now, your "gut instincts" have already clearly helped you to see that!

I definitely believe that your absence, albeit from work, was the major contributing factor! It was good for awhile, but once it reached crescendo proportions with her, well you know the age-old adage, "When the cat's away, the rat will play!"

She has demonstrably given you way more than enough circumstantial evidence to richly convict her of unfaithfulness! Let's just say that there are plenty of convicted felons up on death row that were placed there solely on compelling circumstantial evidence! That, my friend, is the case here!

I really feel that if you dug deep into your phone records, you would find one or two repetively used phone numbers that would likely who it is that she is/was having her rendezvous with, all in your absence!

When a person shirks, what was once a plentiful sex life with their spouse, more often than not it due to the fact that they have found someone else to take their spouse's place, much rather than a medical malady!

When dual residences of equal stature are being purchased, it undoubtedly is for an impending split! The same can be said for the division of financial instruments like checking and savings accounts, or the sudden creation of new ones!

I wouldn't be supportive of any further pursuit of sex with her, because it's more than obvious that some other guy has been more than busy "fertilizing her garden!"

You need to do "the 180," and get yourself checked out for the presence of STD's. Then get yourself to a lawyers office to help determine what your legal rights are!

Meantime, read  No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover! 

Sorry to see you here at TAM, but you have come to the best place in the world for the help and support that you will need!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

**gets popcorn and a soda pop**


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## ajcraw (Jan 15, 2016)

Things are pretty much back to normal but she knows I am checking and still gets mad about it but not as much. The data usage has been cut down by 2/3 on her phone.


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## ajcraw (Jan 15, 2016)

This is our second marriage each with 2 children each. We are 54, dated for 4 years, married 8 years, friends for 20 years. I have tried to get answers but did not push because she is a major part of the family business and I needed to get into place a plan to replace her in a split second. It was not an easy task but I got it. In the big picture I am a guy with the glass always half full never seeing it as even a fraction empty. Prior to these issues starting, for me, the marriage was perfect in every way so I was in huge denial for a long time.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

"Now It had been three weeks since I had been home and was greeted with a bra, a reluctant kiss and an expression on her face as if someone had died. Something was way off. I ask what was wrong and she said nothing. I had never had to push for sex but this time I did. The sex was different and distant; it was like she was going through the motions.
When I went back to work the phone calls started to slow down. While talking to her at night she became annoyed. I would tell her to call me before she went to bed but it became common to text me between 10 and 11pm, night I am tired and going to sleep. However, her phone data usage showed internet usage till 1:00am."

That's enough right there. She is lying, and is involved in an affair.

Sorry you are here.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

ajcraw said:


> Things are pretty much back to normal but she knows I am checking and still gets mad about it but not as much. The data usage has been cut down by 2/3 on her phone.


Data usage on the phone That You Know About is down by 2/3.

Burners are cheap. This has gone underground.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi, 

Thanks for the info about kids and marriage history, but could you provide more ?

First how and why did each of your's marriage end? 

What did each of you learn about marriage from the failure of your marriage? 

You said you knew each other for twenty years, how ? 

You mentioned you had a home office and she is a major part of a family business. What was her role ?

You also mentioned she now has an office outside of the home. Is her employment non family business?

What steps are you taking to drop her in an instant ? Bye the way this should have been the first step you should have taken. Knowing your options lets you operate from strengthen. 

I agree with the others that she has committed adultery and is continuing to do so. At this point it has gone underground. This thread might help you dig out info: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html. These threads you will find informative Critical Readings For Separation and Divorce - LoveShack.org Community Forums and http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/128754-examples-cheaters-script-thread-resource.html

Finally if there was/is no adultery are you happy / content with your marriage as is ? If the answer is no, then perhaps it would e best to divorce-period.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

My advice:
If you want a woman who loves you, talk to an attorney and start divorce proceedings. If you don't want a one way open marriage or to lose 
Half.. Stay
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

ajcraw said:


> ...summer of 2012... Now It had been three weeks since I had been home and was greeted with a bra, a reluctant kiss and an expression on her face as if someone had died. Something was way off.


Hmmm. Three weeks prior she was ripping off your clothes. Very much in love with you. In the three weeks you are gone she meets a man, falls in love with him, decides he is more important than you. Essentially replaces you with him. Is so in love with him, in fact, that she chooses not to even HIDE it from him from the get-go. Interesting. In the early stages of an affair, you'd THINK she'd want to keep appearances as normal as possible. But hey, I'm not an expert in hiding affairs. "make it as obvious as possible" is as good a strategy as any, I guess. Kind of like "hiding in plain sight". Cool.





ajcraw said:


> During these two years I mourned an affair. The flashbacks of her unwavering desire of me, being and dressing sexy, and having wild spontaneous sex are hard to deal with.



2 years. Noting even CLOSE to additional evidence, If I read (OK, skimmed) your post correctly. I guess that's just more of the "hiding in plain sight"...or...NOT hiding in plain sight, or...SOMETHING. 

And it's actually been 3 and a half years now. That's a long time to hide an affair in plain site. 




ajcraw said:


> My question to all of you; is that she swears that there was no affair, in your experiences, could she be telling the truth.
> Thanks for listening.



I can almost guarantee it. Do you see how unlikely this is? You have to go back and figure out what may have happened in that three week period. What did she find? Your heroin stash? Your kiddie porn? Did she read some posts from that little chicky you were chatting up a couple of months ago but never deleted the deleted texts? Did you have a fight and say something that you didn't realize was a stupid as you thought?

She didn't find a man, fall in love with him and mentally remove you from her life all in 3 weeks. Then hide it by making it look like that's exactly what she did? Doubtful.

What she DID do was fall out of love with you in those 21 days. Find out why. It MAY have been a man, but I doubt it. All of that other "evidence" you have is just her starting a new life without you.

Lie detector. You just need two questions:

1 - Have you been having an affair since...?
2 - Do you still love me?

The results will surprise you, I think.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

The answer is always in deleted texts on the mobile phone. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ajcraw (Jan 15, 2016)

Mental and verbal abuse on both sides was the cause for divorce and both had counseling me 5 years her 1.5 years.
We both learned that someone could like us for who we are. This has been harder for her because she has a real hard time believing that I really like all of her. I treated her like a trophy wife and gave her everything. Her mother was not kind growing up and still is not real nice to her. We became friends early on when her and her first husband bought a house with many undisclosed problems and on of my companies fixed them cheap. There was a lot of work over the years. She handles all the money for both businesses and is the first contact for both. Several months ago she moved her office back home but it is separate from mine still family owned. She still has an office at the parent company that she dose not use now. I am purchasing new software are programs and I have a virtual office phone suite that I can implement who thin seconds. You are right I should have done this sooner but I have never been good with women. To keep me happy does not take much and she would do just enough that I would ignore the red flags. I was justifying the flags always looking at the glass full. You ask if I am content and no I am not. If she would come clean it would hurt a little because. I have already mourned an affair. But if she can not come clean then I can not stay because the questions haunt me. I think everything happens for a reason and understanding that reason makes us better people. If we do not understand then we do not learn what needs fixed and it happens again. I may be an idiot but I do not believe it is continuing. things have changed and she has opened all social media that I can find.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

I'm sorry. You are also sold on this 3.5 year affair? And your evidence is...

A freakish, bizarre, almost "get the rubber room ready" personality transformation which took you, in 3 short weeks, from a textbook euphoric marriage (freakish in it's own right), to a three year conversation of:

You - "What's the matter hon"?
Her - "NOTHING!" (you can picture the pursed lips, arms folded)

Hiding her phone? Something happened to cause that reaction. Maybe she's freaking out and trying to figure out how to escape you? Escape an old HS lover? Escape aliens? I don't know. But she surely didn't want YOU to see them.

And don't even start me with ONE friending of an old HS friend two years after she already checked out.

You're not thinking of starting to spy, are you? After 3 YEARS? Man, I feel bad for you. You suffer with this **** for three years, then start down the wrong path when you finally start do deal with it. Just because you posted on the "SHE'S CHEATING" relationship forum.


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