# The role of technology in an affair



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

There have been posts here blaming Facebook, smart phones, the internet, etc. on causing the damage to marriages. Yet, if humans did not use or touch the technology, the technology would just sit there. 

What causes the damage? Human Behavior. But we as humans learned long ago to use tools for good and bad. Take away the tools, and you have the human that is still capable of making good and bad decisions.

However, technology can open doors for new decisions to be made. Example, Facebook. Meet an old friend online and you have the opportunity. Then you can start texting that person via your smart phone, even emailing them too. And then, calling them.

The point of this post? Humans act, technology responds to what the humans want it to do.

When was the last time you saw a smart phone in court being charged with infidelity?


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

I know it's not FB or the iPhone that caused my WH to cheat. He did it before he had those things... it was just the next tool. And I have no doubt that now that FB has been deactivated that he will find another tool.

So far, in 14 years, he's used: contacts at work, AOL, adult "dating" sites, yahoo, FB, iphone (and other phones he had), my friends, craigslist, and even just a random wrong number.

My point being that no matter what... he was determined to get it elsewhere than at home and the tools were just a means to an end. 

Looking over that list and remembering back... I'm wondering WTH I'm doing entertaining the thought of R... 

Any one want to take a bet of how long before I'm back here saying... well here's my DDay 15? [Yes - it's one of _those_ days.]


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## TheGoodFight (Oct 26, 2011)

I'm actually thankfull for the technology. If they hadn't recorded their activities via texts and emails I may have never found out in the first place.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I get so sick of these conversations and the assertion that technology does not make a person cheat. 

No, it doesnt make someone cheat. What makes you cheat is the fact that you are human. You are flawed, you have impluses, you have needs and desires, everyone and I do mean EVERYONE has moments of weakness. 

Affairs are the drug, Technology is the pusher.

Technology provides an ever present opportunity. In those inevitable moments of weakness, opportunity becomes temptation. Temptation does not disappear. It's sets up camp, and it waits. Technology is a free 24 hr, all access pass to the slippery slope... 

If you hadn't noticed, cheating is the new black. Everyone is doing it, its so mainstream is almost passe. That is in no small way due to the fact that technology has put it at your fingertips 24/7/365.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

As much as i blame FB for ruining relationships, i know deep down inside its us who are screwing up. Its all about temptations... FB pretty much puts people who would of NEVER had reason to be in touch again... right back into your life... an instant message away. If your marraige is perfect, and you guys are fine.. FB is okay in your home. When you find me the perfect marriage, point me to that couple. FB can exist, long as all parties respect the appropriate boundaries. I instilled years ago... NO EX's of any sort as Friends... works for us.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> Its all about temptations... FB pretty much puts people who would of NEVER had reason to be in touch again... right back into your life... an instant message away.


_“All men are tempted. There is no man that lives that can't be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot.” 

Henry Ward Beecher (US Congregational minister, 1813-1887)_


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> _“All men are tempted. There is no man that lives that can't be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot.”
> 
> Henry Ward Beecher (US Congregational minister, 1813-1887)_


Exactly my point. If you are a guy.. and you banged this crazy chick in college that was a screamer and a squirter... you DON'T need her a FB friend if you are married or in a serious relationship.

Ladies... you all remember that DUDE. YOu know who i'm talking about... he was hung like a HORSE, body like a man-god, and even though you only had him once you find yourself dreaming about him years after the fact. He tore it up pretty good that night. You DON'T need this guy as a FB friend. 

Either sex is playing with fire if they find themselves going through a rough patch relationshp wise, and these guys/girls come a callin....


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

I completely agree, it's not the technology that's ruining your relationship it's your spouses decisions. I seen on TV a while back that technology has just made it easier for a lazy person to cheat because they don't have to actually go out and find the person to contact them, instead they can sit back use FB, smartphones, computers, and all these other technological things a their fingertips. They don't have to actually get up, get ready, and go out to meet someone, all it takes its a couple of clicks, and BAM there's someone ready and willing to talk to you.

Make better decisions people, it's not the technology!


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Yea guns dont kill people kill people. But I noticed our marriage suffered when she got the iphone suddenly all her attention was diverted into the stupid €&@##%^* thing it wasn't the beginning of cheating yet but her passion for texting meant less time conversing with me and I find it rude to be texting while someone is talking to you. I began to be jealous of the phone and its attention stealing properties she was physically in the room with us but mentally somewhere else. then add FB to the mix and the recipe for disaster is set in place and a means to cheating is aquirred. Yeah people cheated before the tech but it makes it a lot easier-- on the flipside discovery is also made easier. But while I do know she not the tech is the culprit As far as Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg are concerned -not a fan!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

My iPhone played a huge role in my EA. But it was still me driving.

Oh,and don't forget Al gore for inventing the Internet.


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> Yea guns dont kill people kill people.


That slogan actually provides a great metaphorical framework for this subject:

People can kill with their bare hands. It takes quite a bit of effort though. A knife makes it easier, a gun makes it even easier, and pressing the button to fire a missile from a drone on the other side of the planet makes it even easier. 

If people can interact with others they can cheat. A car makes it easier. A phone makes it easier. A social networking website makes it even easier. We now live in a world of drones, anyone can stare at a screen and press the button.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

HerToo said:


> My iPhone played a huge role in my EA. But it was still me driving.
> 
> Oh,and don't forget Al gore for inventing the Internet.


Lol I call him algore, definately not a fan!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I get so sick of these conversations and the assertion that technology does not make a person cheat.
> 
> No, it doesnt make someone cheat. What makes you cheat is the fact that you are human. You are flawed, you have impluses, you have needs and desires, everyone and I do mean EVERYONE has moments of weakness.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Love, love, love this reply...it reminds me of when you come down with a stomach-flu, and you end up hating the last thing you ate, before becoming ill. For years, I hated pancakes, because they caused me to throw up. Hating Facebook, or any other technology is completely understandable, if it enabled your partner to cheat.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

ren said:


> That slogan actually provides a great metaphorical framework for this subject:
> 
> People can kill with their bare hands. It takes quite a bit of effort though. A knife makes it easier, a gun makes it even easier, and pressing the button to fire a missile from a drone on the other side of the planet makes it even easier.
> 
> If people can interact with others they can cheat. A car makes it easier. A phone makes it easier. A social networking website makes it even easier. We now live in a world of drones, anyone can stare at a screen and press the button.


:iagree:

Of course technology makes it easier.


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

HerToo said:


> There have been posts here blaming Facebook, smart phones, the internet, etc. on causing the damage to marriages. Yet, if humans did not use or touch the technology, the technology would just sit there.
> 
> What causes the damage? Human Behavior. But we as humans learned long ago to use tools for good and bad. Take away the tools, and you have the human that is still capable of making good and bad decisions.
> 
> ...



For my husband, it was a thrill going online. He had a private life using these devices. They provide a sort of vehicle to fantasy. It allows them to consider things that they may not otherwise consider. Look how so many people have gotten caught looking at child porn. Without the internet, this would be very hard to do. These people get on the internet and feel a sort of annonimity they would not feel otherwise. 

The excitement of doing something naughty gives them a rush. Then that wears off, and they begin to need more exciting things to fill that void. When we spouses hand them the stack of unpaid bills, or the kids are tearing up the house, or the sex problems begin, they turn to the internet for comfort and distraction. It's not a far reach from there to an inappropriate relationship.

As far as facebook, same thing goes. 

As far as emailing PA lovers, same thing goes. 

As far as texting same thing goes.

It's a real problem, and technology is going faster than our ability to adapt in a family oriented way. 

for goodness sakes, the one AM site that provides contact with those in your neighborhood, near your job, or near the golf course with just a click to hook up with people interested in doing the same..........

It used to be you had to work to have an affair. Now it's push button reliable, because being a member leaves out all the guess work as to who's game, where to find them, and whether or not it will pan out. They know it will, that's why their there....

A spouse cannot compete with that. We are real we come with baggage, we present a reality that isn't glamorous. We are sure to disapoint at least once a day...... whether it's the dishes that didn't get done, the too tired for sex, the sick kids, ailing parents, .............

Pretty soon there won't be anything like marraige. 

I read somewhere that there is a state considering a two year marraige contract, to be updated if your still getting along, or annulled if you aren't....

Glad I only had two children, and one won't ever get married, cause I'm scared for the future of family.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Excellent post!!!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Rob774 said:


> Exactly my point. If you are a guy.. and you banged this crazy chick in college that was a screamer and a squirter... you DON'T need her a FB friend if you are married or in a serious relationship.
> 
> Ladies... you all remember that DUDE. YOu know who i'm talking about... he was hung like a HORSE, body like a man-god, and even though you only had him once you find yourself dreaming about him years after the fact. He tore it up pretty good that night. *ahhhhhh memories *You DON'T need this guy as a FB friend.
> 
> Either sex is playing with fire if they find themselves going through a rough patch relationshp wise, and these guys/girls come a callin....


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

and yes, Asshat did all that too. He set himself up a secret FB account, a secret myspace account, secret emails, he used text messaging and he used an adult friend site to shack up with skuzzies. I dont hate technology though. This was him, he did it all on his own. Nobody forced him.


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