# Should I change my body type because my husband liked me bigger?



## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

I'm 5'2 and 110 pounds. I also have an eating disorder that compels me to log everything I eat and to eat as little as I possibly can without making myself sick. Usually, this means I eat about 700-800 calories per day, because on the days I go much lower than that, it makes me so sick I can't hold down what I do eat. 

My lowest weight was 103 pounds, at which point my doctors were worried about my health, in spite of the fact that I was still of normal weight (underweight would be 101 and lower for me). My highest weight was 120 pounds. The day I happened to step on the scale and see that number was the day I started dieting. 

During a conversation about my health, weight, and eating habits, my husband said that he didn't like the way I looked at 103, and actually far preferred me at 120. I'm sure he was saying this as a way to reassure me that it was "okay" to return to what my therapist calls a healthy weight, but then he said, "And besides, I'm the only guy you're trying to impress, right?" I've had an affair in the past and we've reconciled, so the very LAST thing I want is for him to suspect my weight loss is some kind of ploy for male attention. So then I had to explain to him that I wasn't restricting for anyone but the mirror, and that even though body image can be affected by other people's opinions of you, it's not solely a tool to impress people. 

His apoarent preference for a slightly chubbier Ella wasn't very often mentioned afterwards, but I still think about it. like I said, I'm currently 110 pounds now, and in the middle of trying to divest myself of all this added weight, which in my opinion absolutely ruins my waistline. But then, on the other hand, I know if I do actually accomplish this, my husband won't be as attracted to me, he may become insecure and possibly triggered thinking that I am trying to "impress other guys", and I'll have to stop wearing my wedding rings because they won't fit. It upsets me to know that my dear husband, whose opinions I try to take on board, wants my body to look a certain way that I happen to find, well, rather repulsive. I think that if I do return to my previous weight, and keep it there, I'll probably always find myself at cry-every-time-I-look-down levels of gross. Should I force myself to eat and gain 10 pounds to make him feel more comfortable and more attracted to me, or is asking me to change my body size overstepping some kind of boundary?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Your body image is unhealthy. You know that. So, what's your medically approved weight? If it's around 120, why not gain the weight for your health and because your DH prefers it?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

What have you done with your therapist to resolve this? You need to find a way to not care. I'm not saying it's easy, or that I know. This isn't so much about your husband, but I really can't imagine how he feels after you had sex with someone else. It's about you and what you are doing to improve yourself.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

your husband is telling you the truth. Your breasts look fuller at 120 than 103. You face fills out and looks happier. Your butt sticks out a little more, like guys like.

Don't force yourself....decide to please your hubby instead.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Herschel said:


> What have you done with your therapist to resolve this? You need to find a way to not care. I'm not saying it's easy, or that I know. This isn't so much about your husband, but I really can't imagine how he feels after you had sex with someone else. It's about you and what you are doing to improve yourself.


What am I doing with my therapist to resolve the eating disorder, or the affair? 

The former I'm in weekly therapy for. Next week we're going to work on convincing me that certain "normal" portion sizes won't make me fat. 

The latter was resolved-- mostly-- in therapy three years ago. I went into the hospital for a week because the OM demanded I move in with him and I couldn't cope with that. I learned about relationship boundaries and coping with trauma, among other things, in a 12-hour-a-week intensive therapy course. I talked to a therapist about my fear of abandonment and my poor boundaries, and I learned further about boundaries and coping with intrusive memories, and how to tell when someone is lying to you and making empty threats to scare you. I honestly seemed to be far more traumatized by the affair than he was. We never had sex, but I've had graphic nightmares about the OM. I've asked him to open up to me about how he felt after I confessed the affair, and he was reluctant at best. I've read "How to Help Your Spouse heal from Your Affair" and given him total transparency, access to my devices and a full-time listening ear, but he doesn't seem to have any need for those things. We've read "Not Just Friends" together, and he enjoyed the time with me and said it was informative.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Should I force myself to eat and gain 10 pounds to make him feel more comfortable and more attracted to me, or is asking me to change my body size overstepping some kind of boundary?


For the sake of your health I think you should eat more.

You have a serious mental illness, you and your husband would be better served by you doing all that you possibly can to be healthy.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

700-800 calories a day is extremely unhealthy and will have lasting problems. 

You should never go below 1200 unless approved and monitored by your Dr. 

He likely wants you to be healthier as well as a little fuller. Not eating properly has other appearance problems. Your hair will thin and fall out and you may develop hair on the rest of your body, brittle nails and a sickly look. Besides that, your bones will deteriorate and your organs shut down. That's a lot of future problems you'll both have to deal with. 

At very least you should be healthy for your husband and yourself. You should care for your body properly and continue with therapy to keep you on track.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> 700-800 calories a day is extremely unhealthy and will have lasting problems.
> 
> You should never go below 1200 unless approved and monitored by your Dr.
> 
> ...





Personal said:


> For the sake of your health I think you should eat more.
> 
> You have a serious mental illness, you and your husband would be better served by you doing all that you possibly can to be healthy.


Yes, I figured as much. I probably would have risked more severe health problems than crankiness and slightly thinning hair had I gone further. Though technically speaking 103 lb was within the healthy weight range for me. Honestly, I find the idea of weight gain and a bigger body to be terrifying and somewhat... icky, but I must admit that even if I didn't look better, I felt better when I was eating more.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Yes, I figured as much. Honestly, I find the idea of weight gain and a bigger body to be terrifying and somewhat... icky, but I must admit that even if I didn't look better, I felt better when I was eating more.


Yes, more energy and feeling better is so worth it. 

How about as a present when you reach a goal you two resize or buy a new ring? Something to work towards as both a sign of re-commitment after the affair and a treat for working so hard to reach your goals


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Yes, more energy and feeling better is so worth it.
> 
> How about as a present when you reach a goal you two resize or buy a new ring? Something to work towards as both a sign of re-commitment after the affair and a treat for working so hard to reach your goals


That would be a great idea, but he just bought me a new engagement ring for our fifth anniversary last year, and I know my rings will fit again once I'm what my therapist calls "weight-restored". When I was 103 lbs they fell off so much that I had to stop wearing them because I was afraid I'd lose them.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't go against your body type. It is what it is. 

I'm 5'8" and when I was your age I weighed 110 naturally. I wanted very much to gain weight -- I hated being that thin -- but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get beyond that weight. That was my body type. Time took care of that problem and eventually I was a more normal weight for my height and remained there. But the one thing I learned was that it's very hard to fight your body type. And don't play games with your health. You're very young now but you won't always be.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

This is all about your affair; not about the number when you step on the scale.

Resolve the former (make peace with yourself), the latter will be resolved on its own.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> So then I had to explain to him that I wasn't restricting for anyone but the mirror, and that even though body image can be affected by other people's opinions of you, it's not solely a tool to impress people.


The Mirror-

The Mirror is the Answer.
If the Mirror lay flat and is Trued by it's Craftsman.
The Mirror is the Answer.

The Mirror holds no Curves.
The Mirror is the Answer.
The Image Seen holds no Curves.

The Mirror is the Answer.
The Mirror and it's Reflection is in DEED Trued by it's Craftswoman.
The Mirror Speaks your Name.

The Image wants to Curve.
The image wants to Fold Smaller.
The Mirror Speaks Your Answer.

The Mirror Knows Your Name.
The Mirror Cannot Lie, can only Reflect.
The Mirror and it's Reflection slowly gets lighter, Oh, Dimmer!

The Mirror is the Answer.
The Mirror Reflects your Heart.
The Mirror Reflects your intent.

The Mirror Knows your Name. 
The Mirror is Speaking your Intent.
The Mirrors voice is getting lighter, lightless.

The Mirrors image wants no reflection.
The Mirrors Image wants no Curves, no Masculine Eyes a-leering.
The Mirrors Image seeks first a fading, then no light, then no reflection.

The Mirror, when You stand before it will reflect... no Ella.
The Mirror will not know your Name.
The Mirror will hold no curves, no image, No More.

The Mirror is the Answer.
The Mirror is You.
The Mirror is losing you, your reflection. That is the Image you seek.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Your thinking/view on weight is extremely unhealthy. I am 5'5", weigh 130-135 pounds, and I easily maintain my weight eating 2500 cal per day. I walk 4 miles per day and work out with weights 3 to 4 times per week. I eat ALL DAY LONG. 6 small meals & snacks spread out every 2-3 hours. And honestly, I don't count calories (only calculated for this reply).

How can you possibly survive on 700-800 cal per day? Your metabolism must be majorly screwed up. 

Get thee to a nutritionist!


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Two questions:

1. How does being a sickly looking skeleton "impress other guys"?

2. How is honesty overstepping boundaries?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am for the most part opposed to "norms" set by others. Especially in regards to my own body, it follows that I am opposed to norms for others as well. 
But two things I see, first off your weight issues seems to be imposed on you from some ideal you seem to want to attain. The reality is that you should shoot for whatever makes YOU happy and stop trying to make everyone, including your H happy. If you feel best at 103 or 105, 110, or 120 then shoot for whatever makes you feel best. And I am not just talking about what you think is the ideal. But rather what makes you feel strongest, happiest, healthiest, and allows you to live life to the fullest. 
Second off, it seems your entire weight control regimen revolves around eating. But that is only half of the equation. Anyone can starve themselves to being skinny. But that is as unhealthy as being obese. There is nothing wrong with controlling you caloric intake, but it has to combined with controlling your caloric output thru exercise.
I say this as a man who was married to a woman who dieted constantly and never took exercise seriously. Rather than going to the gym in the morning she just ate less. Rather than going for a walk she just ate less. There was always a new diet - the cucumber diet, the Atkins diet, the South Beach Diet, Cabbage diet, soy protein, HCG, etc, etc. My friends called her the Food Nazi.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

How are your cooking skills? 

My older daughter is your size and struggled with weight as a teenager. When she got her own place she learned to cook and especially bake. This helped transform her from an anorexic type to someone who eats properly. She cooks really heavy stuff - Italian, mostly - but is very active and as a grad student is always on the go.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Ynot said:


> I am for the most part opposed to "norms" set by others. Especially in regards to my own body, it follows that I am opposed to norms for others as well.
> But two things I see, first off your weight issues seems to be imposed on you from some ideal you seem to want to attain. The reality is that you should shoot for whatever makes YOU happy and stop trying to make everyone, including your H happy. If you feel best at 103 or 105, 110, or 120 then shoot for whatever makes you feel best. And I am not just talking about what you think is the ideal. But rather what makes you feel strongest, happiest, healthiest, and allows you to live life to the fullest.
> Second off, it seems your entire weight control regimen revolves around eating. But that is only half of the equation. Anyone can starve themselves to being skinny. But that is as unhealthy as being obese. There is nothing wrong with controlling you caloric intake, but it has to combined with controlling your caloric output thru exercise.
> I say this as a man who was married to a woman who dieted constantly and never took exercise seriously. Rather than going to the gym in the morning she just ate less. Rather than going for a walk she just ate less. There was always a new diet - the cucumber diet, the Atkins diet, the South Beach Diet, Cabbage diet, soy protein, HCG, etc, etc. My friends called her the Food Nazi.


There's a reason for that. Scientifically speaking weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. I was on vacation a couple weeks ago and I literally walked for two or three hours a day, meaning I was on my feet for about 8 hours and walked for two or three of those. According to my Fitbit, I only burned about 300 calories a day. That's one candy bar OR a small sandwich. When you're very overweight or obese, exercise may honestly help you get to where you need to be, but when you're average like me you burn far less calories exercising. Therefore it really does come down to diet for me. It's far easier for me to cut out breakfast and forgo 400 to 600 calories then it is to walk for 2 hours and only burn 300.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

john117 said:


> How are your cooking skills?
> 
> My older daughter is your size and struggled with weight as a teenager. When she got her own place she learned to cook and especially bake. This helped transform her from an anorexic type to someone who eats properly. She cooks really heavy stuff - Italian, mostly - but is very active and as a grad student is always on the go.


My cooking skills are pretty dismal. When I'm not dieting my husband and I go out to eat a couple times a week, and other than that we eat whatever we're capable of making. He's a fairly skilled cooking that he can at least use an oven and a stove properly. My diet is pretty much limited to whatever I can make in the blender or find in the fridge. I don't necessarily mind this because it's easier to calculate the calories in a homemade smoothie or a TV dinner than one portion of a homemade lasagna.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Right now you have youth on your side but you won't always.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That's your problem  

Small portions and superbly cooked food vs insta-meals....

Here's made from scratch pizza DD1 cooked. 1 stick butter for the crust he he.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

This is not a matter of naturally thin. She is eating half the amount of calories for health. Her body will break down and fail. If she was at 1200 and still that size that is completely different. 

She can not stay at under 1200 calories. It will eventually kill her.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> your husband is telling you the truth. Your breasts look fuller at 120 than 103. You face fills out and looks happier. Your butt sticks out a little more, like guys like.
> 
> Don't force yourself....decide to please your hubby instead.


Good lord.

Ella, please remember the message board motto most folks try to live by - use what you need and throw away the GARBAGE you don't.

Just sayin'.

Anyway, you recognize you have an eating issue so this is so much bigger than just 'filling out' in order to allay your husband's insecurities. But do see a professional.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

You should work to adjust your body type .... _if it needs changing for your health_.

If your husband is concerned about your weight, it should be because he's first concerned about your health. His aesthetics come in a very distant second. 

Take care of yourself. Everything else will follow.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP
I think the top priority is health. You should discuss with a doctor or nutritionist the range of healthy weights for you. Standard BMI index is a good clue, but it depends a lot on other things as well. I think you always want your weight to be inside of the healthy range. That is more important than any effects on appearance.

Normally I would suggest that you prioritize your desires over your husband's on a body issue, but you have said that you have an eating disorder, so your desires may not be healthy for you. If you are within a healthy range, then you can adjust as you like. 

Your weigth is very important to you but it may not be to your husband. His preference may not be all that strong.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> There's a reason for that. Scientifically speaking weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. I was on vacation a couple weeks ago and I literally walked for two or three hours a day, meaning I was on my feet for about 8 hours and walked for two or three of those. According to my Fitbit, I only burned about 300 calories a day. That's one candy bar OR a small sandwich. When you're very overweight or obese, exercise may honestly help you get to where you need to be, but when you're average like me you burn far less calories exercising. Therefore it really does come down to diet for me. It's far easier for me to cut out breakfast and forgo 400 to 600 calories then it is to walk for 2 hours and only burn 300.


This is partly true, but exercise also has a huge affect on how your body looks -- and more importantly -- feels. 

You say you don't like the way you look at 120 lbs, because of what it does to your waistline. But exercise, getting toned and fit, can make a huge difference in that. It also makes a huge difference as to how you feel inside your skin. 

You already know this, but this microscopic inspection of your waistline and related revulsion is not healthy. Starving yourself is not healthy. Pay attention to how your body feels, not how it compares to this or that airbrushed ideal.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Just want to agree with @john117 that it may be obvious how many calories are in a tv dinner, but they are practically devoid of nutrition. As are most processed foods.

If you're going to eat a calorie restricted diet, at least do yourself the favor of eating lots of fresh vegetables, whole grains, and stay away from added sugar (which is invariably in all of these processed foods -- just read your ingredients). At least then you'll have a better chance of getting the vitamins and nutrients you need.


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## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

john117 said:


> Here's made from scratch pizza DD1 cooked. 1 stick butter for the crust he he.


why you post this

my monitor almost got eaten


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## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

I'd wager 600-700 calories is nowhere near enough but most of us here are hardly qualified to give you advice you should follow long term. 

You should really see a dietician. It's important to note that 'dietician' is a protected title and they'll have the necessary qualifications to be labelled as such.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Yag-Kosha said:


> I'd wager 600-700 calories is nowhere near enough but most of us here are hardly qualified to give you advice you should follow long term.
> 
> You should really see a dietician. It's important to note that 'dietician' is a protected title and they'll have the necessary qualifications to be labelled as such.


I did. She was nice enough, but her idea of what I shout be eating was way off. The first meal plan she put me on- that is, the sparsest one she gave me; they were all higher-calorie afterward- came to about 1700 calories per day. I only need 1500 calories a day to maintain my current weight. I was gaining weight on even the barest meal plan she gave me. I simply can't trust her not to make me fat.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> I did. She was nice enough, but her idea of what I shout be eating was way off. The first meal plan she put me on- that is, the sparsest one she gave me; they were all higher-calorie afterward- came to about 1700 calories per day. I only need 1500 calories a day to maintain my current weight. I was gaining weight on even the barest meal plan she gave me. I simply can't trust her not to make me *fat*.


You are so far from fat! You are a few small pounds away from underweight. The mentality needs to change before the body can. I am so glad you are working with a therapist. How is that going?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

But you do need to gain some and likely will at first until you are a healthy weight to maintain.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Ella, you are in denial of the level of help you need to get.

My wife and I took in a girl that was struggling with a severe eating disorder, in addition to many other issues. The level of cognitive dissonance in a person that has ED is astonishing. 

Of course you are gaining weight on a 1700 calorie plan. You are supposed to be gaining weight. It is not a never ending increase in weight, it levels off over time. No person that struggles with ED agrees with the nutritionist, if you did, you wouldn't be there. Who do you think knows more about eating and weight, you, or thousands of doctors, nutritionists, scientists and dieticians that have done years and years of research?

Also, the fact that you made this thread is disordered. You are trying to manipulate your disorder into something that will make your husband happy, or possibly make you healthier. However, you won't be healthier mentally. You might be functional and not waste away to death, but you will not have victory over your disorder.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I agree Tasorundo and OP keep in mind that you may need in-patient treatment to deal with it. It is very similar to a drug addiction, you are killing your body and need rehab and the therapy and support that a facility would be able to provide. Many people can not fix an ED on their own, it is a medical problem that needs medical attention. Would you be opposed to seeking out in-patient treatment for a short time?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> I'm 5'2 and 110 pounds. I also have an eating disorder that compels me to log everything I eat and to eat as little as I possibly can without making myself sick. Usually, this means I eat about 700-800 calories per day, because on the days I go much lower than that, it makes me so sick I can't hold down what I do eat.
> 
> My lowest weight was 103 pounds, at which point my doctors were worried about my health, in spite of the fact that I was still of normal weight (underweight would be 101 and lower for me). My highest weight was 120 pounds. The day I happened to step on the scale and see that number was the day I started dieting.
> 
> ...



ARGGG. I have read all three pages of comments and as an older man (68) with a slow metabolism, let me offer you some advice.

First a digression. Don't let people body shame you. That includes me. You need to decide what your ideal body looks like.

I love my wife's body and it attracts me, because of who she is not how much she weights or how old she is or what sags or doesn't sag! Your husband married you because of his love for YOU, not your weight. Your husband even stepped up and reconciled with you after an affair! This man loves you for who you are. He is concerned over your health! He has shown you through his actions that he wants to be there with you for the long run.

One of the silliest things I can imagine is changing your "body type" because of your husband's desires. Far too many women get breast enlargements, breast reductions, labia cosmetic surgery, lippo-suction, tummy tucks, etc. because of fears of what men or their husbands want. Don't be one of those women.

Talk to your therapist about your eating disorder. Tell the T that you want to ramp up your treatment either with hypnotherapy, or self-hypnosis in addition to what you are doing. Then after you make some progress ask your H to join you so the two of you can talk about what his issues are with your body type. You need to understand it rather that be body shamed or guilt tripped. I will wager he is concerned about your health, not how big your breasts or butt are nor if you wedding and engagement rings fall off. 

Don't focus so much on your body weight. FAT and MUSCLE are different! Stop talking about healthy body weight! Start talking about a healthy % body fat! The best way to loose fat and build muscle is weight lifting. Women like to call it body sculpting! 

Women have a much higher healthy % of body fat then men and the "modern media" image of the "ideal woman's body" is way too skinny (not enough body fat). Whenever I see a Victoria Secret model, I just shake my head. Those aren't "real women."

Remember women with very low percent body fat (or very high) have fertility issues. You want to talk to your doctor about what are healthy percent body fat ranges and the effects of body fat percentage over various diseases and medical recovery from diseases.

Take a close look at the following women that are considered by "real men" to represent "ideal body types for 19 countries." Take a close look at USA, Spain, and Venezuela. Take a look at China and Italy. Then look at yourself in the mirror. Then do some self-hypnosis (words of affirmation) on becoming a more beautiful woman. Do some self-hypnosis on motivating you to exercise with weights. Maybe even get a personal trainer to help you establish a good weight lifting routine. What The ?Ideal? Woman?s Body Looks Like In 18 Countries | HuffPost 

Good luck.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> You are so far from fat! You are a few small pounds away from underweight. The mentality needs to change before the body can. I am so glad you are working with a therapist. How is that going?


It's... going. I actually gained five pounds whilst I was on vacation, and immediately lost them during the next fortnight by eating as close to nothing as I could get. So I was in therapy today and told her about my recent relapse, and she swears that 1700 calories a day is what I need to function and be well. (even though I'm 5'2" and all the internet bmi calculators say that number is 1500) I don't trust that very much at all, but the truth is I'm hungry, my anniversary is in a week and a half, and I know we're both going to be eating chocolates, and the very last thing my poor husband needs is for me to have some kind of breakdown over a cookie. So I'm back onto trying to follow my meal plan, as of today.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I agree Tasorundo and OP keep in mind that you may need in-patient treatment to deal with it. It is very similar to a drug addiction, you are killing your body and need rehab and the therapy and support that a facility would be able to provide. Many people can not fix an ED on their own, it is a medical problem that needs medical attention. Would you be opposed to seeking out in-patient treatment for a short time?


I wouldn't be opposed, but here in the states, inpatient treatment for eating disorders is not generally covered by insurance unless one's bmi is 17.5. Mine is 20, which is on the lower-to-middle side of normal. Without the help of insurance, treatment is between $30,000 and $60,000, generally. I don't have near that much in savings, and my parents have recently retired, meaning they have very limited spending money. Their savings have to last them another 20 years.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> It's... going. I actually gained five pounds whilst I was on vacation, and immediately lost them during the next fortnight by eating as close to nothing as I could get. So I was in therapy today and told her about my recent relapse, and she swears that 1700 calories a day is what I need to function and be well. (even though I'm 5'2" and all the internet bmi calculators say that number is 1500) I don't trust that very much at all, but the truth is I'm hungry, my anniversary is in a week and a half, and I know we're both going to be eating chocolates, and the very last thing my poor husband needs is for me to have some kind of breakdown over a cookie. So I'm back onto trying to follow my meal plan, as of today.


I think this is a great start. You can always re-evaluate the calorie amount later on with her after you've been on it for a while and see how you feel. 

I did some fancy test thing one time to figure out my best calorie range and there was more than just straight BMI and was a different amount than the other calculators I had used. 
I'm sure your Dr has taken everything into consideration when she made that choice.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> I wouldn't be opposed, but here in the states, inpatient treatment for eating disorders is not generally covered by insurance unless one's bmi is 17.5. Mine is 20, which is on the lower-to-middle side of normal. Without the help of insurance, treatment is between $30,000 and $60,000, generally. I don't have near that much in savings, and my parents have recently retired, meaning they have very limited spending money. Their savings have to last them another 20 years.


Ouch! I can understand not going then. That is a lot of money.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What is your normal body type?


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Openminded said:


> What is your normal body type?


I've always been slim compared to other people, and in high school (years before I ever went on my first diet) my weight was in between 110 and 116. My therapist wants me to be in between 115 and 120. I would say I'm "chopstick-shaped" or "rectangle-shaped" as the magazines describe it, in that I have a pudgy-looking waist (that still goes in a little), but only because I have small breasts and almost no hips.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Please realize that scale weight and body composition are different. You could add 10 lbs of dense muscle and stay the same waist size--and that added muscle would raise your resting energy consumption. 

Please also entertain the possibility that what you eat matters more than the number of calories. You're a complex endocrine machine, not a bomb calorimeter. Take a look at these self-experiments 

(TL;DR: fit guy eats 5794 low-carb, high-fat calories a day for 21 days, keeping exercise constant...doesn't gain weight. Then fit guy eats 5794 high-carb calories a day for 21 days, keeping exercise constant...gains the expected amount of weight. Then now-flabby guy switches back to LCHF again...loses the weight.)


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> It's... going. I actually gained five pounds whilst I was on vacation, and immediately lost them during the next fortnight by eating as close to nothing as I could get. So I was in therapy today and told her about my recent relapse, and she swears that 1700 calories a day is what I need to function and be well. (even though I'm 5'2" and all the internet bmi calculators say that number is 1500) I don't trust that very much at all, but the truth is I'm hungry, my anniversary is in a week and a half, and I know we're both going to be eating chocolates, and the very last thing my poor husband needs is for me to have some kind of breakdown over a cookie. So I'm back onto trying to follow my meal plan, as of today.


Stop.

JUST STOP.

Here's the deal.
You are starving yourself with 1500 and less diet.
You body will try everything to hold onto the weight because you are starving.

You're hungry because you are starving.

I would say to start at this websiteFemale power lifting: 5 reasons every woman should try power lifting for fat loss
It gives a great mindset start that food isn't the enemy when changing your body type.

You need to change you mindset from worrying about your weight and your BMI to what exercise and lift will I be working on today.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Throw away your scale. You shouldn't even own one.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Even though your not a big cook, you should take it upon yourself and learn and teach yourself.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> Even though your not a big cook, you should take it upon yourself and learn and teach yourself.


Even better, she and her husband should take a cooking class together. Super fun, it's great for team building in a fairly intimate way, plus it's an essential skill for a healthy diet. 

We did a World of Curries and Sausage, total blast. A basic cooking and maybe a knife skills class would be fun too. Cooking together most nights is important to us and is a close second to sex for us. (FTR, it's usually healthful but I tend to post the more cheatie meals.)


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> Even though your not a big cook, you should take it upon yourself and learn and teach yourself.


Yes, on this meal plan I'll pretty much have to learn to prepare my own meals. I'm fine with that.


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