# Marriage does not have to be difficult



## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Marriage does not have to be difficult or hard. Couples choose to make it hard. If each partner in a marriage competes a total open-mind in giving each other what makes each partner happy...than u really wont have many problems...always be willing to be advertous and stuff with ur partner..stop each other as a contract committment...but as a willingness to look past the bs and just want to make each other happy.


I have been doing this to my wife from day one....but apparently being married....takes away the excitment according to my wife. I dont see how.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL... I guess your mind just isn't "open" enough.

Or maybe it's your marriage that she'd like to be more "open"...?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage does not have to be difficult*



GusPolinski said:


> LOL... I guess your mind just isn't "open" enough.
> 
> Or maybe it's your marriage that she'd like to be more "open"...?


What do u mean?


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage does not have to be difficult*



Zouz said:


> lordfire,
> 
> I believe that human being are not mature enough when they get married ; and when they become they r already stuck.
> I have been married for 16 years ;she appeared a great women , still now she is great mom ; but I am HD and she is LD or even asexual (doesn't have any intimacy feeling ).
> ...


Marriage is just a way of telling each other...i promise to stay committed to u. But there are many that dont say and take the path of...lets never stop brain-storming and keep each other excited. Like u said...they caught the fish....threw it in the fish tank and thats it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> Marriage does not have to be difficult or hard. Couples choose to make it hard.


I don't know where you came up with this theory. Do you have empirical experience to back up your statement?

Considering the number of threads posted every single day on this forum, I have the sneaking suspicion that all these folks are not choosing to make their marriages "hard."

Really.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Maybe it's harder than you think since your wife is unhappy. I think part of the problem with unfulfilling relationships is people become too complacent.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

A successful marriage starts before the I do's. It starts by picking someone who is right for you and values the marriage as much as you do. One person low on character in a marriage can become a cancer and destroy it no matter what the other spouse is doing.

One of the DR. Laura say it best " pick wisely and treat kindly"


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Marriage might be easier if you work at keeping her attracted to you, OP. Has she mentioned what might be lacking there? Do you have any guesses?

Keep in mind that what you consider making her happy may not be how she sees it. 

And for sure, the "excitement" of the early days usually turns into comfort and safety in one another later on. Not a bad thing, but not necessarily what it was at first. Might even be better.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage does not have to be difficult*



breeze said:


> Maybe it's harder than you think since your wife is unhappy. I think part of the problem with unfulfilling relationships is people become too complacent.


This is what im talking about... That when u are dating someone....u stay conscience of the way ur treating ur partner. U always show care and effort to make ur partner happy. Therfore...u dont take each other for granted. But for some reason...after a couple years of being married...u stop keeping that conscience focused. I know i didnt do this...my wife told me before....it doesnt feel the same anymore...its not as exciting. I never lost my focus....but apprently my wife did.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

If you're getting married and you a focused on what you'll get out of it, you're messing up.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Marriage does not have to be so hard if you marry the person God chose for you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Marriage does not have to be so hard if you marry the person God chose for you.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

hambone said:


> If you're getting married and you a focused on what you'll get out of it, you're messing up.


Isn't that the truth!

You have to focus on meeting your wife's deepest needs, OP. Marriage is about _serving_ one another.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't find marriage hard. I love being married and wouldn't swap it for anything. Hubby's my armchair - when the world gets to me and I feel stressed or upset, I can sink into my big, warm, comfy armchair and I'm protected from it all.

No amount of excitement at the "newness" of something, can top that wonderful feeling.

We're a team, we have each others back and we know that we'll always do the right thing by and for each other.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

jld said:


> Isn't that the truth!
> 
> You have to focus on meeting your wife's deepest needs, OP. Marriage is about _serving_ one another.


You need to be so in love that you want to make your spouse the happiest person in the world.

If it's mutual... you've got the makings of a great marriage.

Assuming you are compatible!


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

I think Wolf hit the nail on the head. You have to choose wisely when you are picking a spouse. I would know because the first time around I was only focused on the feelings. 

I was "in love". Actually, I was just "in love" with the idea of being "in love". I didn't know my partner really. He was controlling and abusive. He gave me plenty of signs while we were dating, but I kept thinking in my mind that it was just about the situation. 

I think people often get physically attracted to a person and generally like their personality. They have a couple fun dates and then its like they want to spend the rest of their life with a person they barely know. I can't tell you how many men I could be attracted to and have a fun time with. Probably a lot!

When I picked my spouse, I focused on what his hobbies were, his attitude towards things, his respect of people, and his morals and upbringing. Since we jive on those things, they are the foundation of our marriage that makes us click. We really are a team.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hambone said:


> *You need to be so in love that you want to make your spouse the happiest person in the world.
> 
> If it's mutual... you've got the makings of a great marriage.
> 
> Assuming you are compatible*!










...The compatibility will make the ride tremendously smoother...

Here is my take on this.. I believe every one of us is ...well.....selfish.. I don't mean this in a bad way.. but we WANT WHAT WE WANT...it's in our wiring....so it's best to seek out those who have very similar selfish desires as us....Hopefully we have a good handle on what makes us happy, what we enjoy in life, our hopes, dreams, beliefs, our brand of FUN.... I don't think we can change this about ourselves....unless we have a brain injury....(similar to our temperaments)..

Like if we're high drive -we're gonna want LOTS of sexing it up/ intimacy & orgasms.. if we're Low drive, that's gonna annoy the crap out of the other....there is really no way around this.. there will be conflict and someone is going to feel the other is getting the better end of the stick...(the Low drive partner starts feeling pressured or feelings of rejection start in the High driver.. ...then resentment tries to creep in..)

Make sure you're compatible.. both need to feel accepted ..finding peace with those differences...while you still love and cant imagine life without this other person...you still want to please them cause they bring so much to your life.

This is a beautiful place..

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> Marriage does not have to be difficult or hard. Couples choose to make it hard. If each partner in a marriage competes a total open-mind in giving each other what makes each partner happy...than u really wont have many problems...always be willing to be advertous and stuff with ur partner..stop each other as a contract committment...but as a willingness to look past the bs and just want to make each other happy.
> 
> 
> I have been doing this to my wife from day one....but apparently being married....takes away the excitment according to my wife. I dont see how.


What specifically does your wife complain about?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> ...The compatibility will make the ride tremendously smoother...
> 
> Here is my take on this.. I believe every one of us is ...well.....selfish.. I don't mean this in a bad way.. but we WANT WHAT WE WANT...it's in our wiring....so it's best to seek out those who have very similar selfish desires as us....Hopefully we have a good handle on what makes us happy, what we enjoy in life, our hopes, dreams, beliefs, our brand of FUN.... I don't think we can change this about ourselves....unless we have a brain injury....(similar to our temperaments)..
> 
> ...


I agree about the compatibility... I feel madly in love and I got LUCKY... we are compatible in every way... 

Marriage is a lot smoother if you are compatible... and I got lucky by falling in love with someone I was compatible with.


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