# husband masturbating



## bellieboo (Feb 17, 2012)

Hello,
I dont know if I am being unfair or not.....
I feel very bad about even mentioning this to anyone, but it has caused me to not even want to go to bed at night.
My husband and I have a sexless marriage.
We have been married only five years, but his posessiveness and obsession with sex has created disgust...I CANT STAND THE THOUGHT OF SEX WITH HIM.
I know (because he shared) that his first marriage ended because she couldnt stand the same thing any longer.
If it isnt talking about sex, or watching it on the internet, it is a feel sorry for me game (because he doesnt get enough)
His jealousy has lost me my job (3 years ago----WORST TIME EVER to lose a job) and made me resent the very thought of being intimate with him. Besides that past problem, there is an old issue about him not being circumcised. I cannot help how I feel about this.....It is very uncomfortable to have sex, and just plain smells bad. He has gotten every computer he touched infected with viruses from porn. And I have found (which he left open on his desk) plans to meet someone he found on CL to have sex with him in some hotel by the interstate!!!
Financially we cannot afford to divorce...and we agreed on that. He had been accepting of the fact that I would no longer be intimate with him when I told him I knew about the liason arrangement...he just didnt want me to kick him out.
Now, some time has passed, and he has started talking about sex alot to me, and asking me if maybe he could get some "sex" now since he NEVER gets any.
Here is where my problem and question lie;
I have told him "No more"
He isnt having sex with me, and possibly no one else either.
Now he has started masturbating in bed next to me in the middle of the night.....I am regularly waking up to the bed shaking.
I have said nothing to him because I do respect his need for release. I am not cold or stupid. And am not trying to make him feel any worse...but I think he wants me know he is doing it.
I feel very creepy about this, and wondered if anyone else has had this type of problem.
I dont berate him for masturbating, but wouldnt some privacy (for BOTH OF US) be more appropriate.
Any advice will be appreciated!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you've agreed that you 'can't' divorce (not sure why but whatever) and you refuse to have sex with him, you should be thankful all he's doing is masturbating. Wow, never thought I'd ever say THAT.

Why on earth would you want to be married to him?? Sounds like you can't stand him. Must be hell.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

bellieboo said:


> Hello,
> 
> I dont berate him for masturbating, but wouldnt some privacy (for BOTH OF US) be more appropriate.
> Any advice will be appreciated!


An immediate divorce is the ONLY appropriate thing to do in your situation.
You`ve got bigger problems than your husband masturbating.


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## Trying180 (Feb 13, 2012)

I caught my hubbie working one when I was sleeping before...I made no bones about sitting straight up and explaining how degrading that was to me. If your going to do it and not invite me...then do it some where else. I agree...sex/masturbation
would be the last thing on my mind if I were you.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Even if you can't afford a divorce, maybe you need to separate. As in you leave, until you can afford a legal separation/divorce. There is no reason to stay in the same house. Its not healthy. Can you afford a rental place? Can you stay with friends or a family member until you can afford something?


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

This guy sounds like a complete creep. 
Agreeing with everyone else - I don't know how you couldn't afford a divorce - but whatever. The sooner you aren't with him the better. 
Finally, I wish that more low drive spouses posted on this board. It would really add some light and life to the same thing about not getting 'enough' or 'any' and us all comforting and commiserating with each other.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

bellieboo said:


> Besides that past problem, there is an old issue about him *not being circumcised*. I cannot help how I feel about this.....It is very uncomfortable to have sex, and just plain smells bad.


what! you wouldn't like it here in the uk not many guys are cut less they be jewish.  

I tell you what reading your post saying he smells just because he is not cut is total rubbish, does he not wash? Because even my american partner wasn't cut properly and he never smelt, and no uk guy i have been with smelt nasty either and like i said they are not cut at all. why would it be uncomfortable? it is natural as nature intended.

I feel sorry for they guy jackin off in bed next to you, i think just maybe he is making a statement, you know something i give him +1 :smthumbup:

you need to divorce and let him free, you sound like you have clipped his wings, or allow him affairs because you don't want him do you now, it is a basic human need to need sexual intimacy and you have been totally denying him, it seems you have no need for it, if an uncut **** turns you off so.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm in a sexless marriage, but that is pretty much where my ability to relate to your husband ends.

It sounds like there are multiple problems. He is/has been cheating (probably still is) and he is such a nutase that he got you fired.

You have openly talked about divorce, but it is poverty that is keeping you together.

I think its a safe bet that you are the intended audience for his masturbation. If he wanted to be discrete he could.

Why don't you decide to be roommates and sleep in separate rooms?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If you can't get a divorce, and you can't live apart, do you have a separate bedroom? You don't have to sleep in the same bed.


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## bellieboo (Feb 17, 2012)

trey69 said:


> Even if you can't afford a divorce, maybe you need to separate. As in you leave, until you can afford a legal separation/divorce. There is no reason to stay in the same house. Its not healthy. Can you afford a rental place? Can you stay with friends or a family member until you can afford something?


Actually, this is my home. I have been unable to find a job since mine was lost....he found one within one month and has been promoted two times since. However, he cannot find another place to live.


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## bellieboo (Feb 17, 2012)

Lionelhutz said:


> I'm in a sexless marriage, but that is pretty much where my ability to relate to your husband ends.
> 
> It sounds like there are multiple problems. He is/has been cheating (probably still is) and he is such a nutase that he got you fired.
> 
> ...


I had my own room for about 2 months, then like so many others, my adult child moved back home for a few months- and gone is my own space


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## bellieboo (Feb 17, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> what! you wouldn't like it here in the uk not many guys are cut less they be jewish.
> 
> I tell you what reading your post saying he smells just because he is not cut is total rubbish, does he not wash? Because even my american partner wasn't cut properly and he never smelt, and no uk guy i have been with smelt nasty either and like i said they are not cut at all. why would it be uncomfortable? it is natural as nature intended.
> 
> ...


While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off. 
How simple minded.....plus, smelt is a fish.
Smelled is the correct usage. 
Now, that is helpful information.
Thank you just the same


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

bellieboo said:


> While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
> I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off.
> How simple minded.....plus, smelt is a fish.
> Smelled is the correct usage.
> ...


If you are going to make derogatory comments about a huge majority of the world's population (the Great Uncut) then you should expect someone to be upset. Smelt is the way the past simple of smell is spelt (same thing) in British English. 

If you want advice don't insult people and get into arguments about spelling.

You should divorce your husband and find a clean-cut man who isn't such a wanker.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

bellieboo said:


> While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
> I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off.
> How simple minded.....plus, smelt is a fish.
> Smelled is the correct usage.
> ...


Correct usage where, according to which system of British or American English? That is not even an issue of usage. Verb declension, particularly the the three principal parts of verbs, viz. present, past, past participle, is an area of grammar. If you're going to correct someone and appeal linguistically, at least know what you're talking about. Usage is entirely different, e.g. S&V agreement, pronoun & antecedent agreement, etc... An unrelated area of language as regards your failed correction.

Clearly you're no one to correct people's English since, if you were even appealing to Standard American English (and its over 50 recognized variations), there is no "correct" system anyways, just what the top linguistics publishers decide, decisions sometimes even different from each other that change often and quickly. Interestingly, if you were appealing to British English, there is a correct prescribed grammar, which was what cloudwithleggs supplied anyway... Completely pompous of you to dictate in an area where you don't belong while asking for advice about your dysfunctional marriage.

If you believe you're so much smarter than some of the posters here, maybe you shouldn't be asking on a public forum or shouldn't have made a thread. If you only wish select individuals to offer you your select, constructive advice for which you seem to have a niche readily made, read, search, and PM individuals whose posts you like. Otherwise, be grateful for all the advice you get here. No one has insulted you, just questioned your own need for intimacy since establishing a better background is part of what helps users here in crafting advice that would suit you, the one seeking.

You have an interest in sex? Go have some. Don't like it with your husband? Have it with someone else... And let the poor fella do the same. You seemed to have picked a winner that nobody forced you to marry. Meanwhile, Cloudwithleggs doesn't have a sex-starved freak jerking off next to her during her sleep... 

If you want to save your marriage, then drop the attitude. You're not impressing anyone. You stated yourself in your first post that you have a problem with him being uncircumcised, elaborating with your detailing the discomfort and smell. That is very naive... Which leads us all to wonder: Why did you marry someone whose penis you don't like? I hope you know what the point of marriage is. If I didn't like vaginas with enlarged labia, I don't think you'd find me on a marriage forum post-marriage asking for sex advice and explaining how I don't like the type of vagina my wife has, something YOU THINK I might have known before marrying her... Not very smart. Do yourself a favor and drop the spelling queen act.


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## bellieboo (Feb 17, 2012)

Interlocutor said:


> Correct usage where, according to which system of British or American English? That is not even an issue of usage. Verb declension, particularly the the three principal parts of verbs, viz. present, past, past participle, is an area of grammar. If you're going to correct someone and appeal linguistically, at least know what you're talking about. Usage is entirely different, e.g. S&V agreement, pronoun & antecedent agreement, etc... An unrelated area of language as regards your failed correction.
> 
> Clearly you're no one to correct people's English since, if you were even appealing to Standard American English (and its over 50 recognized variations), there is no "correct" system anyways, just what the top linguistics publishers decide, decisions sometimes even different from each other that change often and quickly. Interestingly, if you were appealing to British English, there is a correct prescribed grammar, which was what cloudwithleggs supplied anyway... Completely pompous of you to dictate in an area where you don't belong while asking for advice about your dysfunctional marriage.
> 
> ...


sorry-
was not trying to insult anyone.
I really dont think I am better than anyone else....i dont really know what to think.

for the record....i never saw his penis before we married, NOT EVERYONE EXPERIENCES PENIS EXPERTISE
so how is trying to remain celibate before marriage stupid?

i think it is very easy to assume I am insulting all the men out there uncircumcised.....i am not. I was only referring to my husband. 
some of you are just plain bullies.....maybe it makes you feel smart to type paragraphs of unrelated insults.
"how helpful" 
spend your life insulting strangers......i wasnt picking and choosing advice, but I felt very attacked because I didnt appreciate MOST uncut men....what the hell?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi bellieboo ~

Have you been able to find another job? If not, are you actively looking for one? What is your plan in this area?

Not sure where you are from, but if the house is legally yours, you could look in to a legal separation from your husband.

And, do you have a sofa?  If you have called it all but quits at this point, then you may want to start making the separation a very real thing. Oh, and if the house is yours, then maybe he should sleep on the sofa.

In any case, inertia does not have to hold you down. Start to work up a plan. Write it down. Start to contemplate how you can move forward on each item on your plan. It will help to focus your thoughts and give you a sense that you are moving forward in your life ... not just staying in place like a broken record.

Best wishes.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

bellieboo said:


> sorry-
> was not trying to insult anyone.
> I really dont think I am better than anyone else....i dont really know what to think.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't know what it feels like... My comments were not insults, nor were they unrelated. To clarify why you shouldn't correct people's spelling here is hardly an insult. To put into perspective why some of these problems could have been avoided is hardly unrelated.

So how is remaining celibate a bad idea? Oh the irony. You tell me. You know firsthand now.

You were not attacked, but you were questioned. Were you questioned for attacking most uncircumcised men? No, you never mentioned "most." You were questioned for attacking ALL of them:



bellieboo said:


> Besides that past problem, there is an old issue about him not being circumcised. I cannot help how I feel about this.....It is very uncomfortable to have sex, and just plain smells bad


You left that very open to interpretation. This sounds like the issue is being uncircumcised, which, obviously, would apply to all men who are uncircumcised, which, of course, is rubbish. The issue is clearly your own husband's hygiene. Anyone would take what you wrote that way.

About him masturbating, you have every right to redirect him to other areas of your home since it is disturbing your sleep. Get him out of the bed and tell him that your sleep is important and that he should be more considerate and masturbate somewhere else since you do not disturb his sleep. This problem seems silly to me. This is easily solved. You two have much bigger problems than his masturbation while you sleep, but as for this one, you need to get him out of there when he does that I think.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I just can't believe that you're sleeping in the same bed with him. 
This seems pretty passive aggressive to me, like he's doing it on purpose to annoy you. Or maybe he thinks you'll be so turned on by it that you'll want to attack him?
Either way if he won't stop doing it then maybe he needs to sleep on the couch or in another room. good luck.


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## twicearoundblock (May 8, 2012)

I have a few comments. First, my husband masturbates while I sleep and I too find it disturbing (yes, I need to discuss it with him). If you really want to leave him, not sleeping in the same bed with him until you can find your own place would be a good start-even if it is on the couch. Otherwise, your actions seem to be "co-dependent" in nature.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

bellieboo said:


> for the record....i never saw his penis before we married, NOT EVERYONE EXPERIENCES PENIS EXPERTISE so how is trying to remain celibate before marriage stupid?


My sense from reading your posts is that, beyond any potential hygenie issues, you simply find his unit aesthetically unpleasing. As a result, you find yourself turned off over something out of his control.

I don't think that staying celibate before marriage necessarily is stupid. But, if you are going to go that route you need to be really open minded about what you may find after marriage. Remember that the commitments of marriage are fairly absolute.

Once married, you commit to your spouse's sexual satisfaction as a principle (few exceptions). You don't commit only if he's circumcized (or the right size, or has the right stamina). When you stay celibate you don't reserve the right to complain later. You go in dedicated enough to cheerfully accept him as he is.

Now, any hygenie issues obviously need to be addressed. Note that if he was celibate he might not be aware it is a problem. But, if you are complaining because he uncut per se that is flat-out selfish. How would you feel if he complained because your vag did not meet his expectations or your breasts were saggy?


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

Trying180 said:


> I caught my hubbie working one when I was sleeping before...I made no bones about sitting straight up and explaining how degrading that was to me. If your going to do it and not invite me...then do it some where else. I agree...sex/masturbation
> would be the last thing on my mind if I were you.


First off... We have our own bodies.
Second... These bodies we have do not scyncronize at times.
Third... Get off and get off, as long as when I say, "Let's get off together!" and it works.


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

The promise of orgasm together is not there. I was at a very young age when I learned that women and men do not at most times have orgasms together,i.e. (in my mind I thought the couple should reach orgasm at the same time and so the phrase... cum together right now) Some times and often, yes... Yes, Yes, YES!!! Do not expect your partner to do... In the mid forties I awoke roaring at the clouds. After I had substantial time, and no orgasm I let it be. My wife got off in the bathroom and went to work later. I got off thinking about this in the bathroom, went to work and when we joined up later together... explosive... saying things such as, "I know you were... and I know I was... Now do we?" It only lead to more and more... Thinking the mind is the bigger picture about sexuality and when wrapped with the one you love... so special. I know she was thinking of me, or I know he got off just to think about how I...
Trust, Love and Intimacy...Great! Love...Wonderful! Emotional trust and emotional intimacy, truth be that the skies have no limits!!!

Rise above the clouds and see Sunburst or better yet... Moonglow!


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

sad to hear your situation. 

I think your H sounds like a cheater and manipulative by J/O in bed unless you have kids or it is the only room in the house. 

If you detest this man to the point of not wanting sex why sleep in the same bed. 

Try and work on getting a job which will give you some increased confidence and freedom. Can you kick the bum out and get a lawyer. Since he is a cheater you can jusify your actions. See if you can do some research into you rights as the homeowner. I did not recall you indicating kids...this changes things. 

Candidly your words towards uncut men while apparently unintentional ..was still a blow below the belt...literally. Criticising grammar or spelling to people who are volunteering their time seems a little uncalled for so.. Still you would be best served by ignoring the many terds that simply will want to argue their points on this forum. For the most part a great bunch of folks here but some. 

Again good luck


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

For whatever reason, the OP appears to have simply 'gone off' her husband. She is no longer sexually attracted to him. It happens.

If they cannot divorce/separate for financial reasons (just as there couples who 'stay for the sake of the children') then the OP has to accept that her husband has his needs....at the moment he is simply sorting himself out....I wouldn't be atall surprised if he gets sex elewhere in the very near future.

However, he could atleast be a little more discreet.....maybe wait till his wife is out before 'knocking one out' or go into the bathroom.

Circumcision - I was cut as an adult so have experienced 'both' sides of the fence. It doesn't matter how much you wash and scrub your uncut c0ck, it still has 'that' smell....its not an unwashed smell, its a c0ck smell. Some women simply don't like it.
You don't get 'that' smell with a cut c0ck. Fact. 

However, I would bet that being cut or uncut would NOT be a deal breaker with 95% of women.... unless he had a general hygiene issue anyway...!

Please lets NOT enter into the 'to cut or not to cut' debate!


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Oh....spelling....there are many different nationalities on here all writing in English!

Being 'British English' I spell the round things cars have TYRE, its COLOUR not COLOR (!!)....but hey, we're all different. bUT there is one thing that bugs me big time.....more and more people who have English (British or American) as their mother tongue are using the word "your" instead of "you're".... as in;
"Just because your married!.....when correct English is "Just because YOU'RE (as in 'you are') married"

Otherwise, colour/color/tyre/tire etc what the hell, but...I know we Brits are right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesson over!!


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

7737 said:


> Oh....spelling....there are many different nationalities on here all writing in English!
> 
> Being 'British English' I spell the round things cars have TYRE, its COLOUR not COLOR (!!)....but hey, we're all different. bUT there is one thing that bugs me big time.....more and more people who have English (British or American) as their mother tongue are using the word "your" instead of "you're".... as in;
> "Just because your married!.....when correct English is "Just because YOU'RE (as in 'you are') married"
> ...


I think your overreacting alot there doing there best.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

:lol::lol::lol:


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

bellieboo said:


> While I appreciate the time it took to read and respond to my plea for advice, I am not sure I can find one shred of constructive commenting from you. Seems like this a perfect place to lash out at those you dont know.
> I will tell you what I know about you....you assume that I have no interest in ANY sex because an uncut turns me off.
> How simple minded.....plus, *smelt* is a fish.
> *Smelled is the correct usage.
> ...


Really you may apologise, as to your regard of the English language it is poor and not helpful, normally i would not correct but in this instant i shall.

Smelt | Define Smelt at Dictionary.com



> *smelt*
> 
> *verb*
> 
> *a simple past tense and past participle of smell.*


And for the record i think it is shallow of you to be turned off by a man that is uncut, but your choice, why consummate the marriage if it disgusts you so


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

staying celibate before marriage don't work if your going to be closed minded about sex after marriage.

It would hurt me tremendiously if my wife had a servre adversion to my best friend.... captian willy.

did you ever ask him to wash his uncut penis before sex because sweat builds up and can cause an oder. I'm sure most men would gladly wash alittle extra for some good loving.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Cloud - Have PM'd you.....

I totally agree with your comment above....What a shallow excuse...not wanting to have sex with him because he isn't cut!

To the OP....if you are a true couple and it is that much of an issue for you, then discuss it with your husband...I was circumcised as an adult....maybe your husband could be too....

However, I'm afraid your using his uncut state as a reason not to have sex with him is simply a feeble excuse.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

The OP hasn't posted since Feb. She got flamed and left.


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