# Wife left me and my girls for another man



## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

So this past month has been really hard for me and my girls (4/10) my wife left to be with another man its been a month and has only come to see them about 6 times. One of which was at 3:00am. I'm really heart broken because before she left she tried covering it up saying it wasn't for someone else, that she just didn't love me or has never loved me. She also told me that she used me when we met to get out of the horrible situation she was in with her family, she also went as far as to insult my man hood. I don't know what to do I feel like I'm going crazy! I love my wife and I have always done everything for her and my girls .we have been married for 10 years and now she's walking out on us for some co worker. That she says is such a great guy,that he's her soul mate,that she's never felt like this about anyone before. After about 3 weeks of her doing horrible things to me and making me feel worthless, I will admit I got tired of the begging and trying to work things out its useless I can't get through to her its like whatever I tell her she'll blame everything on me and she'll talk about how great the other man is. So its been a week already and I have not spoken to her or texted and I'm not gonna lie its been hell sometimes I just want to call her just to hear her voice I love her so much, but she's just in her fantasy land. She doesn't even care how its affecting her girls all she says is they'll be OK they'll get over it. I don't know what to do... I can't sleep right and when I do all I dream of is her,my girls wake up crying during the night and I don't know what to do. Will her affair last ? She's hurt me terribly but I'm more than willing to forgive her . is it wrong of me?


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Sorry you are here brother

Only a few words of advice I can offer

Let her go

55


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

Tomas said:


> So this past month has been really hard for me and my girls (4/10) my wife left to be with another man its been a month and has only come to see them about 6 times. One of which was at 3:00am. I'm really heart broken because before she left she tried covering it up saying it wasn't for someone else, that she just didn't love me or has never loved me. She also told me that she used me when we met to get out of the horrible situation she was in with her family, she also went as far as to insult my man hood. I don't know what to do I feel like I'm going crazy! I love my wife and I have always done everything for her and my girls .we have been married for 10 years and now she's walking out on us for some co worker. That she says is such a great guy,that he's her soul mate,that she's never felt like this about anyone before. After about 3 weeks of her doing horrible things to me and making me feel worthless, I will admit I got tired of the begging and trying to work things out its useless I can't get through to her its like whatever I tell her she'll blame everything on me and she'll talk about how great the other man is. So its been a week already and I have not spoken to her or texted and I'm not gonna lie its been hell sometimes I just want to call her just to hear her voice I love her so much, but she's just in her fantasy land. She doesn't even care how its affecting her girls all she says is they'll be OK they'll get over it. I don't know what to do... I can't sleep right and when I do all I dream of is her,my girls wake up crying during the night and I don't know what to do. Will her affair last ? She's hurt me terribly but I'm more than willing to forgive her . is it wrong of me?


Its tough letting go of someone you have been with for so long... but she is not worth spending sleepless nights thinking about her. She definitely has a problem. You just need to find ways of coping and be there for the girls. Even if she wanted to come back, I would't just have her back, we would have candid discussions and things in place. She doesn't seem like a kind who wants to settle down and be committed....


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

Its just so hard a few days before she left I asked her multiple times do you love me and she would say yes I do and a few days later she was a totally different person .telling me all these horrible things. I'm confused


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I'm sorry for you and your kids.

You do need to let her go, she does not love you, she was lying when she said she did when you asked. When someone cheats they do everything to make the BS look bad, they feel it gives then an excuse to cheat. 

It is going to be hard, but stay strong and take care of yourself for yours and the kids sake. We are all here for you to help guide and give direction from our own experiences.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Tomas said:


> Its just so hard a few days before she left I asked her multiple times do you love me and she would say yes I do and a few days later she was a totally different person .telling me all these horrible things. I'm confused


I am sorry you are in this situation. I know you are hurting, but if you act decisively now and work to move past her, things will begin to slowly improve for both you and your children. 

You are confused because you have been lied to. Inconsistency causes confusion. Go by actions. If she loved you, she would be loving to you, but she is not loving to you. She is consumed with self.

Let her go. It is better for you and the children. Lawyer up immediately. Buy a book about divorce and custody in your state and study it well, so you know what your rights and responsibilities are. You don't want to rely on your attorney for all your information. Get the facts and act swiftly while she is still in the fog.

Edit to add:
The above approach will work best even if she eventually decides she wants to reconcile and if you are still interested in it as well. The reason is that you set boundaries. You are not wrapping your life around her, but you are standing up as a man of value who isn't going to beg for what he deserves, but will get it for himself. This makes you much more attractive not only to you wife, but to a new woman in the future. If you continue with the begging and so forth, it only makes you look undesirable.
If you take a stand in being treated properly and taking care of yourself and your children, it can only help you in every way. Do not look to your wife for anything. Again - let her go.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One way to help yourself through this is to interact with her according to the 180. Look at the link in my signature block below for the 180... read it and live by it until you are strong enough to move on.

You ask how long will the affair last? Only about 3% of affairs turn into long term relationships. But while they are going on, they are like a nuclear bomb hitting the marriage. It is possible to recover a marriage, but there is zero chance of recovery as long as she is in an affair.


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> Tomas said:
> 
> 
> > Its just so hard a few days before she left I asked her multiple times do you love me and she would say yes I do and a few days later she was a totally different person .telling me all these horrible things. I'm confused
> ...


I've heard of this fog . do you think this is what she's going through a fog or fantasy? She makes it seem like he's the perfect guy, but why aren't they living together about a little over a week ago she came to visit the girls and was completely covered in hickies I was heart broken and got in a argument with her I told her no more.. Delete me from your phone don't text me or contact me unless it has to do with our kids, before I snapped the last three weeks she would always be hungry I would take her out to eat with girls ,she even asked to borrow money. She has a full time job and doesn't help with the expenses on the kids in any way.not that I need her to, but she is always out of money, if the man she left me for is so great ,romantic, supports her in everything why doesn't she ask him for help or live with him, she started sleeping with him as soon as she moved out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So she is not living with the guy?

Is he married?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Tomas said:


> Its just so hard a few days before she left I asked her multiple times do you love me and she would say yes I do and a few days later she was a totally different person telling me all these horrible things. I'm confused


It does feel horrible.

TAM is good at harsh advice. What you have to do is handle the situation as it is, rather than worry about a situation you thought existed but never did. 

The situation is beyond your control, but how you react is entirely within your control. You are a great Father, so do that. Look after yourself and be a great example. Focus on the pain that your kids are going through and patiently help them cope. Look after yourself, workout, sleep well and avoid booze. If you have any spiritual practice, now is the time to call upon it.

It will be tough, so be the person who hacks through that.


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

I have not spoken to her for a week already or contacted her in anyway. I got so mad since the last time I tried talking to her and I tried holding her hand for a minute and she said no let go I can't do that to him , I love him and he loves me and I don't want to risk losing him, was she serious. that's the moment that I decided I'm worth more than the way she treats me I did everything for her,everything I could and that still didn't make a difference for her. I love her but have decided to put my foot down, and let her affair run its course. Everyone tells me that her affair partner sounds to good to be true, they tell me your a good man and husband when she comes to her senses she will be back. She's just living in a fantasy right now and will eventually see he's fake


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I've been through exactly what you describe. 
She us a liar. Everything she's told you about your manhood, living you, everything is a lie. She's truly even lying to herself.

Here's is what is the utmost importance:
While she has left you with your kids, document every say she is gone and see a lawyer and file for divorce tomorrow. Tomorrow. Very serious, take off work to do it.

You have list your wife. Once this starts, it's over. Forget what you've heard. It's OVER. What you want means nothing, as you can see. Even after the dude is gone, it's still over. Her love for you is gone.

Imperative:
While she feels guilty and you have the kids, FILE. It will be the worst decision you ever make if you don't listen and don't file now. You need full custody so she can't bring your girls around guys who will do whatever to them. She obviously cares nothing for them. But once this affair goes a while, she'll want them back and that's clearly not what they need. Be strong for your kids. Very serious. File tomorrow.
Don't consider reconciling. It's impossible, and you will only be hurting until you accept she is gone.

Don't accept blame for anything. She will blameshift to protect her conscience. You'll feel bad because you're traumatized. It will get worse until you accept. It takes a while.
It will happen. And you'll get better after that.

I literally plead with you, for your own good, to file for divorce. It can always be stopped. But it shouldn't be in your case.

Protect your family and yourself by filing NOW or you will so regret it.

I am speaking from experience. I can probably tell you word for word what she has said to you. Yes, your case is not special. All of us betrayed spouses have seen it. And it has a script. Ask and I'll tell you what she's said. Maybe that will make you believe in experience and give you the strength to file.

I'm so sorry, but this is what you have to do NOW. File for divorce. Ask for full custody. Document her interaction with the kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Personality changes quickly...check
Has job but never pays any bills and has no money...check
Shows up to visit a 4 yo at 3am..
Check
Always hungry..
But never buys food...check.

You wife has something worse than a new boyfriend. It sounds like she has a serious drug problem. 

I've been through the disaster of herion and meth with one of my sons. Buckle you seatbelt and put your tray in the upright and latched position...because its going to get way way way worse. 

Change all your locks, install a camera and security system. Get used to saying no..pretty much all time...be prepared to have your heart broken pretty much everyday..GET a lawyer RIGHT now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, read your last post. She'll eventually see he's fake. She may come back, but for your paycheck. NOT because she loves you. She will try to fool you. But know that it just doesn't come back. Your marriage is over, and the person you knew is dead. Fact. Get used to it.
Your life is not over. You're not able to see it yet, but your true happiness is in the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> So she is not living with the guy?
> 
> Is he married?


Its a co worker, I have not really tried to find out who it is..what's the point. I do believe he is single though she has kept everything a secret . she thinks I don't know where she is staying but I do , she told me she was staying with a friend but then she told me she was renting a room but she still has all her stuff she took in her car and is still living in the same place. I guess I could stalk where she's living and find out who it is but I dontvthink I can handle it.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Do you want the truth? Some come here and only want to hear what they want to hear. The reality is that your W is immature and as such is sorely lacking in forethought, empathy and understanding. It also makes her selfish since, in her underdeveloped mind, she is the most important person on planet earth. This is boldly demonstrated in her actions. Her happiness, joy and pleasure is paramount over all else, even that of her children.

You cannot reason with this mentality so forget a logical, reasonable conversation, since it will be ineffectual. People in this mental state only understand baser stimuli such as fear, jealousy, anger and so forth. It is therefore necessary, if you are intent on trying to get her back, that you utilize the baser emotions as your weapons of choice.

Many here will recommend D and the 180. This is designed to trigger responses in the baser emotional range. D is to instill fear, the fear of losing her security, her comfort zone and to introduce the fear of the unknown. The 180, along with helping you by focusing on your betterment, also incites jealously by removing her easy access to you and your emotions. Similarly to another child picking up a toy that was previously discarded by a child. Seeing the other child with the toy makes the child want it even though they just dropped it in favor of a new toy.

The effects of this are rarely permanent but they can alter a spouses attention so that therapy and/or counseling can attempt to make more permanent changes to their psyche. You must however abandon any and all thoughts that you can appeal to her reasonably and with logic, it is not possible. Exposure also causes responses on a baser level as the WS usually becomes angry, the affair becomes uncomfortable as its secrecy is uncovered and additional stress is placed on the affair in the form of other spouses, friends and family members as their responses and disdain for it is expressed.

Also consider that evolution has programmed women to be attracted to strong males since the offspring of strong males stand a better chance of surviving than do those of weak males, generally speaking. This factor should now be moot in our "evolved" state but remember you are dealing with an intellect of limited development so the baser rules apply. It is therefore counterproductive to "winning her back" to show tolerance and forgiveness because they are perceived by her as weak, even though, logically, the opposite is actually true.

This approach is not infallible but it is the only course of action that may prove not to be completely futile. Remember also that your W will most likely never be at a level of maturation that you would like but she may reach a point that is acceptable as you weigh the pros and cons of splitting up your family. A much more viable option would probably be to find a mature woman and move on but considering what you have already invested it may not seem prudent to you to do so. Good fortune to you as you make this difficult decision.


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Tomas said:
> 
> 
> > Its a co worker, I have not really tried to find out who it is..what's the point. I do believe he is single though she has kept everything a secret . she thinks I don't know where she is staying but I do , she told me she was staying with a friend but then she told me she was renting a room but she still has all her stuff she took in her car and is still living in the same place. I guess I could stalk where she's living and find out who it is but I dontvthink I can handle it.
> ...


It's hard to think of her using drugs .she's never used any or neither have I in our 10year relationship. The only thing that she started picking up that I know of is energy drinks, she never tried them when we were together.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Sorry you're here but I'm glad you found this site. Many of us have been down the same road as you and you will get some very good advice. It's a horrible situation. The emotional trauma your children are going through is so sad.

Her attacking your man hood is her attempting to shame you. It's how she's trying to manipulate and control you. Don't listen to it!

Get some legal advice because you need to know where you stand. You want whats best for you and your children. Right now she comes and goes at will. Every time she leaves again you and the children relive her leaving again. It's so tramatic for them. They re so young.

Good luck


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

Part of our problem started when we were still living together and I told her why don't you spend time with your girls .this was her daily routine would start work at 4:00pm I would pick her up at 12:00am and she would wake up around 1:00pm get ready for work and not even about feeding my little 4 yr old would just give her chips, because that's what the little one wanted, sometimes she would cook dinner for them before work and I would give her my ATM card to buy lunch everyday because she would spend her money, I really cared for her .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tomas said:


> Its a co worker, I have not really tried to find out who it is..what's the point. I do believe he is single though she has kept everything a secret . she thinks I don't know where she is staying but I do , she told me she was staying with a friend but then she told me she was renting a room but she still has all her stuff she took in her car and is still living in the same place. I guess I could stalk where she's living and find out who it is but I dontvthink I can handle it.


If you knew who this guy is, there are things that you can do.

For example, if he is married, you can expose him to his wife. In most cases, when this happens the OM (other man) will drop his affair partner immediately to save his marriage. It's the quickest way to end an affair. It also breaks the affair fog...if this guy were to suddenly dump your wife her fantasy would be destroyed. She would be forced to realize that this guy is a shmuck who is using her.

Once you know who he is, and have some hard evidence of the affair, you can also expose her to her family. Hopefully they would put pressure on her to end the affair if it has not ended by then.

It's really a good idea for you to find out who this guy is. Just you stay away from him because you don't want to act on any feelings of anger you have.

Do you have access to her cell phone? Can you get her cell phone bill and find out who she is talking to?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

OP...

What is your wifes education level?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

I mean I would do all the laundry ,my girls ,hers, mine fold everything ,cleanup the house the girls room, just so she could get some free time and it still didn't mean anything to her she said I didn't show her enough love or enough attention. The final night that she decided she wanted out was when I confronted her about..hey its your turn to help clean the girls is room I always do it. She snapped she said I do enough I work just as hard as you. I deserve better than you, your not going anywhere in life, I deserve someone that will not take me for granted... Seriously I thought!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tomas said:


> It's hard to think of her using drugs .she's never used any or neither have I in our 10year relationship. The only thing that she started picking up that I know of is energy drinks, she never tried them when we were together.


Sometimes the imagination of people on TAM goes off the deep end. There is no reason from what you have told us for anyone to think that your wife is now using illegal drugs. So be careful about getting sucked into the imagination of some guy on the internet.

Energy drinks definately does not make her a drug user. They are evidence of nothing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tomas said:


> I mean I would do all the laundry ,my girls ,hers, mine fold everything ,cleanup the house the girls room, just so she could get some free time and it still didn't mean anything to her she said I didn't show her enough love or enough attention. The final night that she decided she wanted out was when I confronted her about..hey its your turn to help clean the girls is room I always do it. She snapped she said I do enough I work just as hard as you. I deserve better than you, your not going anywhere in life, I deserve someone that will not take me for granted... Seriously I thought!


Not to defend her.. but to explain some.....

It's very hard to maintain a marriage when the couple works different shifts. It ends up with the two people basically living in different time zones and their emotional connection is lost. It is very predictable.

It also sounds like the two of you did not spend any time together, just the two of you. That is also a huge problem that leads to a loss of emotional connection. 

There is a book that might help you...

"Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hungry all the time, visiting kids at 3 am. 
Vickie's all over her body? Who does this? 

Yes, she may not be using drugs. But she's started doing some strange stuff, and ravenously hungry all the time is a huge red flag.

Either way, trying to expose and 180 and do counseling to reconcile with a woman who has abandoned her kids is bs advice of the first order.

Any hope we give him to reconcile in this case is just harming him and keeping him in pain.

She's gone, she's not coming back, and that's a great thing for the OP. She's a really bad person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Tomas said:


> I mean I would do all the laundry ,my girls ,hers, mine fold everything ,cleanup the house the girls room, just so she could get some free time and it still didn't mean anything to her she said I didn't show her enough love or enough attention. The final night that she decided she wanted out was when I confronted her about..hey its your turn to help clean the girls is room I always do it. She snapped she said I do enough I work just as hard as you. I deserve better than you, your not going anywhere in life, I deserve someone that will not take me for granted... Seriously I thought!


OP,
Think back in your life and tell me what things are of more importance to you, things that came easily or things that required sacrifice and hard work to obtain? You were "easy" for her and therefore easily dispensed with.

Ironically it is she taking you for granted but, with her level of cognition, she cannot see it. Remember, she is the most important person on the planet.


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Tomas said:
> 
> 
> > Its a co worker, I have not really tried to find out who it is..what's the point. I do believe he is single though she has kept everything a secret . she thinks I don't know where she is staying but I do , she told me she was staying with a friend but then she told me she was renting a room but she still has all her stuff she took in her car and is still living in the same place. I guess I could stalk where she's living and find out who it is but I dontvthink I can handle it.
> ...


I don't have access to her phone or bill, she's very good at keeping everything private, she told me you will never find out who he is. I think it was a co worker that got a new job so he's not working in the same place anymore I heard she's trying to get a job where he works. The only thing I know she goes on is Instagram but she has it private. And my friends can't look on it either. I need someone who she doesn't know to follow her on Instagram she doesn't have a Facebook and all her coworker's are covering for her. Should I expose her at work.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Tomas said:


> I don't have access to her phone or bill, she's very good at keeping everything private, she told me you will never find out who he is. I think it was a co worker that got a new job so he's not working in the same place anymore I heard she's trying to get a job where he works. The only thing I know she goes on is Instagram but she has it private. And my friends can't look on it either. I need someone who she doesn't know to follow her on Instagram she doesn't have a Facebook and all her coworker's are covering for her. *Should I expose her at work*.


If you are intent on "winning her back", though I question the prize in this contest, then you should expose to everyone. The objet is to make the affair a very uncomfortable place to be.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Ask yourself why you would want a woman back who has abandoned her husband and kids, tells her husband he has a little duck, tells him her AP is her soulmate, and that she's never been in love with him and just used him to get out of her previous house. She's telling you the truth on the using you , I think.

She will never again be the person you fell in love with. That person never existed anyway, except in your mind.

I think I'll leave this thread. I'm too disturbed by it as everyone can see. 
The abandoning kids, showing up with hickies all over, and insulting his manhood is more than I can handle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Tomas said:


> It's hard to think of her using drugs .she's never used any or neither have I in our 10year relationship. The only thing that she started picking up that I know of is energy drinks, she never tried them when we were together.


You might want to add the phrase "as far as i know". To each of the statements above.

Additionally...if you have used or been around them, you might not pick up on it. YouTube some videos on signs of herion use and signs of meth use...

I could very well be wrong, but it sure sounds like the behaviors i have seen over and over in my family and others
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Tomas said:


> I mean I would do all the laundry ,my girls ,hers, mine fold everything ,cleanup the house the girls room, just so she could get some free time and it still didn't mean anything to her she said I didn't show her enough love or enough attention. The final night that she decided she wanted out was when I confronted her about..hey its your turn to help clean the girls is room I always do it. She snapped she said I do enough I work just as hard as you. I deserve better than you, your not going anywhere in life, I deserve someone that will not take me for granted... Seriously I thought!


Tomas, I sympathise. I am also going to tell you more uncomfortable stuff. I am seeing a lady casually. She is seeing just me, I am seeing her and others. She knows this. 

The man she split up with was a loving husband and an attentive Father. He even did most of the housework. When she saw my place was clean and tidy, she assumed I employed a maid. She is having fun with me and sent me a lovely picture of herself.

I could probably not have been a better husband to her than the one she had. I can so this because she is at an age (early thirties) where women often panic about where their life is going and take this as a need to be be free spirited, and at the same time I am more sexually confident then her husband as I have been with dozens of women, whereas he has only been with one.

I would understand people being angry at me or angry at her. I have also been the decent, hard working husband whose wife was utterly lazy in the relationship. 

The truth is, deserving does not get you anything. When we talk about deserving, we are appealing to an imaginary friend in our own mind to give us permission and it does not act like this. It is a figure put in our heads as children, that if we are good, we will get. It is the one thing the 'red pill'ers are on to. They just do not realize that this is not terrifying, but liberating and it should free you to be a more decent human being rather than an ass.

You genuinely seem like a decent man. I would say you deserve better and I am sorry that it has not worked out like that. It is not your fault that she left. Your situation now leaves you a choice, anger and pain or action and pain. Not getting what you deserve does not make you a worse person, it just means you have that history. The next chapter in your life can be of a great Father, who guides his children through a hard time by being a fantastic role model and Father.

What you deserve is a woman who treats you with respect. That is not in your control. What you deserve is not to be stuck with a wife who is unappreciative and does not treat you with respect. That is in your control.

PS: Edit to add, if this lady had acted as poorly as your wife, I would not touch her with a ten foot barge pole.


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

The oldest is 10 she was the one to find out was she was doing an told her choose your boyfriend or me and my sister, she then told her I don't love your daddy I love someone else I want to be happy,you'll be happy when you see me happy. Now the older one doesn't talk to her or the mother doesn't even try talking to her, she also told her mother why do you even want my little sister you don't even take care of her or me your always on your phone or talking. Just leave me and my sister and daddy alone go be with your boyfriend I hope your happy. I couldn't believe my daughter said that to her and her mother didn't care


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You need to stop thinking about getting her back right now. Stay in the house and get full custody. Instead of pleading with her support her decision. Yes SUPPORT. 

Agree with her she needs a fresh start out of the house. 

Agree with her that the daughters need to stay with you while she builds a new life. 

Than make sure she cannot change her mind !

Do you understand


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Tomas said:


> The oldest is 10 she was the one to find out was she was doing an told her choose your boyfriend or me and my sister, she then told her I don't love your daddy I love someone else I want to be happy,you'll be happy when you see me happy. Now the older one doesn't talk to her or the mother doesn't even try talking to her, she also told her mother why do you even want my little sister you don't even take care of her or me your always on your phone or talking. Just leave me and my sister and daddy alone go be with your boyfriend I hope your happy. I couldn't believe my daughter said that to her and her mother didn't care


Because the exchange was between a 10 yo and an 8 yo ........and you know your D is 10. Do not let chronological age throw you. Your D is more mature than your wife, that is your reality.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Tomas said:


> The oldest is 10 she was the one to find out was she was doing an told her choose your boyfriend or me and my sister, she then told her I don't love your daddy I love someone else I want to be happy,you'll be happy when you see me happy. Now the older one doesn't talk to her or the mother doesn't even try talking to her, she also told her mother why do you even want my little sister you don't even take care of her or me your always on your phone or talking. Just leave me and my sister and daddy alone go be with your boyfriend I hope your happy. I couldn't believe my daughter said that to her and her mother didn't care


Out of the mouths of babes.

At the moment, your focus is on your ex. Your ex has her focus on herself too. This is what happens, but I hope you can see that this is not where your focus should be. It sounds like you have a very wise daughter and she must have learnt this wisdom from you.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Man the whole small ding dong is a joke I had a girl tell me I had a small one in hs back then I was allmost 7in I called her a bucket cu size queen

The thing is they all go there when it goes south and don't take it to heart there was a curb episode about this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zret7O8YoU

Document her abandonment and start the divorce and get custody if she is saying this in front of your kids get a ro


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

Mr The Other said:


> Tomas said:
> 
> 
> > The oldest is 10 she was the one to find out was she was doing an told her choose your boyfriend or me and my sister, she then told her I don't love your daddy I love someone else I want to be happy,you'll be happy when you see me happy. Now the older one doesn't talk to her or the mother doesn't even try talking to her, she also told her mother why do you even want my little sister you don't even take care of her or me your always on your phone or talking. Just leave me and my sister and daddy alone go be with your boyfriend I hope your happy. I couldn't believe my daughter said that to her and her mother didn't care
> ...


Yes she speaks her mind she's the one that tells me daddy don't be sad I know how you are and how mama treated you, your a great daddy mamas dumb and doesn't know what family really is she will regret it one day, I'm amazed how she's handling this shell send me daddy I love you messages through out the day. She tells me don't worry daddy I don't even miss mom why do you think I don't call her, she says just wait shell try coming back when the other man leaves her we have to stick together and be strong


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A woman who is too stupid to feed herself (let alone her children) is ineligible for motherhood. Pray that she stays in that fog forever because you really can't afford her coming back. Cut off all funds.


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

She's been gone for a month already she left some stuff behind she said she was picking it up when she found a place but I doubt it.she has her old car still here should I throw all the rest of her crap in there so she knows I'm serious. I have noticed that when I'm really mad and she knows I'm serious her attitude totally changes ,she stops talking and actually answers what I ask her . I think people here do have a point she sees me as week


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tomas said:


> She's been gone for a month already she left some stuff behind she said she was picking it up when she found a place but I doubt it.she has her old car still here should I throw all the rest of her crap in there so she knows I'm serious.


You are going to want to look like the good guy in a divorce. So don't throw her stuff out. Instead pack it in boxes or bags and put it in your garage. Or drop it off at her mother's house.

Make sure that you take pictures of everything in the house before and after you pack her stuff. Why? Because legally your home is still her home. She can come in at any time and take anything she wants. So make sure that you can prove what you have and what she took if this happens. 

When you file for divorce, you can establish that she has moved out and that she has no right to enter your home. But even then, I've seen people do just that and take everything of value.



Tomas said:


> I have noticed that when I'm really mad and she knows I'm serious her attitude totally changes ,she stops talking and actually answers what I ask her . I think people here do have a point she sees me as week


Yep, do the 180... that will establish that you will not allow her to walk all over you.

What things are you doing for yourself these days. You need to focus on yourself and your children.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tomas said:


> Yes she speaks her mind she's the one that tells me daddy don't be sad I know how you are and how mama treated you, your a great daddy mamas dumb and doesn't know what family really is she will regret it one day, I'm amazed how she's handling this shell send me daddy I love you messages through out the day. She tells me don't worry daddy I don't even miss mom why do you think I don't call her, she says just wait shell try coming back when the other man leaves her we have to stick together and be strong


The mother my step children did what your wife is doing. She walked out on her husband and 3 children to be with her affair partner.

Her husband got 100% custody of the 2 who were still under aged children ( 6 and 8). I met him and we married. Their mother called them about once every 6 months and spend a bit of time with them over the summer.. that was it.

Her choices devastated the children. There were nights when they would cry for hours asking what they did wrong to make their mother leave them. 

Your older daughter sounds like a girl who is wise beyond her years. But be careful for her. It is very usual for one child to take on an adult role when things like this happens. While it's wonderful that your daughter gets it, her being your rock is not emotionally healthy for your daughter. You need to be her rock. 

You and your children would probably benefit from seeing a counselor to help with all this. The damage that this will do to your children has only just begun.

So, again, stop focusing on your wife and focus on your children and yourself.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Tomas said:


> So this past month has been really hard for me and my girls (4/10) my wife left to be with another man its been a month and has only come to see them about 6 times. One of which was at 3:00am. I'm really heart broken because before she left she tried covering it up saying it wasn't for someone else, that she just didn't love me or has never loved me. She also told me that she used me when we met to get out of the horrible situation she was in with her family, she also went as far as to insult my man hood. I don't know what to do I feel like I'm going crazy! I love my wife and I have always done everything for her and my girls .we have been married for 10 years and now she's walking out on us for some co worker. That she says is such a great guy,that he's her soul mate,that she's never felt like this about anyone before. After about 3 weeks of her doing horrible things to me and making me feel worthless, I will admit I got tired of the begging and trying to work things out its useless I can't get through to her its like whatever I tell her she'll blame everything on me and she'll talk about how great the other man is. So its been a week already and I have not spoken to her or texted and I'm not gonna lie its been hell sometimes I just want to call her just to hear her voice I love her so much, but she's just in her fantasy land. She doesn't even care how its affecting her girls all she says is they'll be OK they'll get over it. I don't know what to do... I can't sleep right and when I do all I dream of is her,my girls wake up crying during the night and I don't know what to do. Will her affair last ? She's hurt me terribly but I'm more than willing to forgive her . is it wrong of me?


*She has most aptly demonstrated through her deception that she doesn't give a tinkers damn about you or your daughters! You have been her "Plan B" all along!

Why should you feel any different toward her?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Tomas said:
> 
> 
> > She's been gone for a month already she left some stuff behind she said she was picking it up when she found a place but I doubt it.she has her old car still here should I throw all the rest of her crap in there so she knows I'm serious.
> ...


I'm determined to improve myself I went out yesterday and bought weights exercise items plan in getting in shape and eating right changing my fashion style completely I feel I just need a new start. Like my daughter says make her regret she left you


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

First of all sorry for you going through this. Never ever cry, beg and plead in front of her again. You become weak and pathetic in her and your children's eyes. Have some respect for yourself. You didn't cause this. No marriage is perfect. Everyone has issues but an affair is 100% on her. 

Best thing you can do right now is fix yourself. You like many have done to much and she lost all respect for you. You seem to be getting strong. You need to stay there forever. Being a doormat is probably what's put you in this position.

Your wife and her other man will destroy your family, life and future if you let them. She doesn't give a damn about you or the kids at this time. Her actions say so. If I were you I'd file immediately and try to get custody. She's walked off and abandoned you and your kids. Take advantage of it fast while she's in fantasy land. 

If you want to try and salvage the marriage the only weapon you have is full exposure to everyone connected to him and her without warning all at once. You would need to find out who it is. Have a friend tail her or if you can afford a PI that would be best. If you go this route you can't be weak and you need to use your head. Your heart is still in love with who you though she was not who she is.* You really need to get this point.* Don't worry about pushing her away. She's already gone. You have nothing to lose.

You've not had control of your life I'd bet for some time. Change that. Immediately.

Read this to get started. It's a free download. Stay strong, being weak and timid at this time will get you more of what you've already experienced.

http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrB..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=khP9FNK7xYxc1_yuHginw2lYQq0-

Good luck to you and your kids


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tomas said:


> I'm determined to improve myself I went out yesterday and bought weights exercise items plan in getting in shape and eating right changing my fashion style completely I feel I just need a new start. Like my daughter says make her regret she left you


Very good. But.. while I get your comment "make her regret she left you" ... don't do it for that. 

In your mind, remember that this is for you and your children.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

We see this seemingly way too often, it's pathetic.

'I've got to find myself'
'He loves me and I love him'
'He's my soulmate'
'I need to pursue my own happiness'
'I can't give anymore'
'He's sooo perfect'

It's almost always rubbish. And the sad thing is it's rubbish that destroys lives and reaks havoc. 9 times out of ten these people haven't the foggiest notion what real love is.

makes my skin crawl.

and yes, this goes for walk away hb's too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Until your old lady can prove were she is living and who she is seeing I WOULD NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS LET HER TAKE YOUR KIDS for a second.

You need to protect your kids and the phucked up part is you don't have a clue what you need to protect them from cuz you have no idea where their shyt mom is sleeping and with who.

You are crazy if you don't act now...it's just a matter of time before she at the very least take your younges away with out you having a clue were!!!!

Have you contact the schools to let them know that the kids mom is no longer responsible enough to pull them out of their care/classes?

You should be in the courthouse like yesterday making sure your kids are safe from a women that has made some unhealthy choices and may put your kids in harms way.

My gut tells me that her boyfriend is a preditor and is not working for another co. but unemployed [her money goes to him and the parting] and has all the time in the world to party with his new conquest until he uses her up [she is almost their hence the energy drinks].

The big secret is this guy is no good that's why you don't know a thing about him and the fact is this guy has her addicted to what ever and has the power over her that's why this mother a two let some guy put hickies all over her body. Now that he has full control over her he has finally marked her.

Thats what makes this so dangerous....she has to hide this guy and their is a good reason for it.

AGAIN NEVER LET HER TAKE YOUR KIDS...EVEN FOR A SECOND...EVEN IF IT TO WALK AROUND FOR A LITTLE!

Getting your wife back should be the least of your problems...your main concern should be this POS being around your kids!


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

Yeah you hit the nail everything you said is what she said plus some other stuff but those are her exact words


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jorgegene said:


> We see this seemingly way too often, it's pathetic.
> 
> 'I've got to find myself'
> 'He loves me and I love him'
> ...


What makes this thread different is the WW is still hiding after a month and the AP has IMO some strange control over the WW.

The fact that the WW keeps her own kids at arms length tell me the control the AP has is dangerous not only to the WW [which there is nothing Op can do] but to the WW kids!

Granted we here TAM do read about waywards leaving the kids, and hiding from the ones that love them, but in this thread my gut tells me this wayward is going to come home soon enough with a crack addiction , STD's [along with other health problems] and not a penny to her name.

Lets face it if the OM in this thread was something to be proud of the WW would be showing him off to family and friends. Letting everyone know what a great place this OM lives in and walking around with a new purse full of cash.

Face it this WW is hiding something more then just an affair.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> The mother my step children did what your wife is doing. She walked out on her husband and 3 children to be with her affair partner.
> 
> Her husband got 100% custody of the 2 who were still under aged children ( 6 and 8). I met him and we married. Their mother called them about once every 6 months and spend a bit of time with them over the summer.. that was it.
> 
> ...


Wonderful.

On a thread like this, there will be many people who just have righteousness boners. This is wonderful advice instead.

The daughter can hopefully be an inspiration. @Tomas can be a strong Father and take the mantle of maturity from the daughter before too long. She needs her childhood and will value that loving Father.

Tomas, makes sure you have friends. Male friends are essential in a time like this and will have more empathy for you than women around you. It is an undervalued resource. It can also be useful to confide in someone who is not too close, so that you can unburden and know there is some distance.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Curious....why in the hell would your old lady come around at 3AM?

Is that when the bars close in your town?


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

Your right. You got me thinking why would she tell me you'll never know who it is ,why would she try to keep it a secret from me on who it is? Would anyone be interested in helping me look on her Instagram account


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

the guy said:


> Curious....why in the hell would your old lady come around at 3AM?
> 
> Is that when the bars close in your town?


She gets out of work at 12:00am , I guess she goes to bang the other man , then decides to see the girls after and when I confronted her about it she said " I'm to tired to come during the day and wake up late" this I know because when she would still live here she would sleep in until 1:00pm and not take care of our little one.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Tomas said:


> Your right. You got me thinking why would she tell me you'll never know who it is ,why would she try to keep it a secret from me on who it is? Would anyone be interested in helping me look on her Instagram account


You're right with that.

The next step is to realize it does not matter. That will take time.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Hmmmm yep sounds dicey, could be a close friend of the family or he could have a record. 

Make sure you protect your finances. Close all joint account or credit cards if you haven't. Cut off any support.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tomas said:


> Your right. You got me thinking why would she tell me you'll never know who it is ,


I would spend the money on a PI and a lawyer just so you could make her eat her words.


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