# H has a secret email account



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Does anyone know how to crack an email password... I found out today that my husband has a secret email account and i can't figure out the password. It is at live.com if that helps.

Thanks...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you install a keystroke tracker?


----------



## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

Yep, a keylogger is your best bet. Many of them will even email you the log file on a scheduled basis so you may not even have to log into their computer again.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea but how do you get on a Windows computer when it has a password?


----------



## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

Use a keylogger or just bruteforce it.

For legal reasons: Who owns the computer? Is it a family computer? 

Or you could just talk to him and ask him about the account. But if he is doing something sneaky, than he would most likely lie to you. In which case, your trust in him will already be gone anyway. Does it really matter if he is cheating on you, if you don't trust him? With the way that he is acting, should you ever trust him again?

Also, I am curious. What would you do if you hacked into the account and found nothing of interest?


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Humble Married Man said:


> Use a keylogger or just bruteforce it.
> 
> For legal reasons: Who owns the computer? Is it a family computer?
> 
> ...


It is his computer and it has a password on it. I do know his password to get on his computer.

I dont trust him right now anyway and he would just lie about it. 

Yes it does matter if he he cheating. What kind of question is that anyway?

if i find nothing then GREAT.. All the better..


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Yea but how do you get on a Windows computer when it has a password?


There was some videos on youtube on how to hack a computer with a password. hope this helps.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Well if you happen to know his username you can just click on forgot my password and reset the password. That's how I broke into my H's email account that I discovered (lucky for me he actually answers his "secret questions" trusthfully) and that is where I found the chats he was having with a lovely young lady....


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

a keylogger may be t he best bet, but all the ones i have tried only have a 3 day free trial... I am flat broke and cant afford to get a full version keylogger. I need like a free trial for a week (7) days


----------



## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

> It is his computer and it has a password on it. I do know his password to get on his computer.


Do you have any financial or legal ownership over the computer?

Depending on where you live, you could easily get an "invasion of privacy" charge for doing what we are discussing. Admittedly, very few people would bother to do so, but there may still be a risk.

Do you know what your state/country's laws are, relating to keyloggers?



> Yes it does matter if he he cheating. What kind of question is that anyway?


Why? He seems to be dishonest and untrustworthy. Why would it matter if he is f#cking other women or not, if he is still dishonest and untrustworthy?

This may very well only be my humble opinion, but when the relationship gets to a point where you have to become/hire a private investigator, it's time to get out. 



> if i find nothing then GREAT.. All the better..


I mean, would you tell him?

In any case, I'll be more helpful.

Also, you could make a visit to The Pirate Bay. Of course, being as ethical as you are, you would only download freeware.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ladybird said:


> There was some videos on youtube on how to hack a computer with a password. hope this helps.


Interesting. 

When my kids were younger they found a key sequence for getting into password protected Window's systems. But it does not seem to work with the newre versions of windows.


----------



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

The "all in one keylogger" has a 7 day free trial if that helps.


----------



## stuckmick (Dec 10, 2011)

sspro, system survelillence pro 6.8 i think...has a 7 day free trial, look for it on C-Net....you can download it from that site, just make sure history is erased. If he uses the computer everyday, you should have all passwords, heck, all text he's typed on the computer and screen shots as well...that helps to see the other persons email message to him. You should have all you need in a day, two tops...good program....my opinion only. Obey all all state laws in regard to its use, but if youre married, all property should belong to you both....not a lawyer, just common sense....


----------



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

If the computer is a desktop model, but a hardware keylogger and plug it in between the keyboard and the computer. Make sure you know if the keyboard is a USB (flat and square) or PS/2 (round) model. Regardless of software security installed on the PC, this device will see anything typed.

Here's a link for the USB:
KeyGrabber USB Keylogger - Plug & Play USB Keylogger Solutions

They have a PS/2 model as well.


----------



## speakingforsomemen (Dec 12, 2011)

Wow this is wonderful, all these trusting spouses helpin each other out with Keylogger and the next best greatest software to spy. How wonderful, you all are incredible people.


----------



## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

You could just ask him to open the secret account when he is sitting at his computer. You should know by the look on his face and his reaction. If he's got nothing's to hide he should do it. If he has a look of fear and goes into a speech about privacy and trust then something's up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

How's he acting otherwise? Is his phone attached to his body?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Yes watch the cell phone if if goes everywhere that is a sure sign. My wife had several email accounts and was using facebook messaging. The keylogger is going to be the only way to know for sure


----------



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Some malware or anti-virus programs can see them. Trial version may pop up a notice on the number of free days left (I don't know). 

A hardware keylogger can not be detected other than visually seeing it on the back of the computer. Even then, it just looks like an adapter. I'm in IT and I ordered one for security analysis. They even make them to replace parts in a keyboard, and there is a wifi version as well. None can be detected by any software.

I learned about these devices here. Now I have to worry about janitorial staff tapping PC's here for customer data. We will have people disconnect and lock their keyboards away at the end of the day now.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

speakingforsomemen said:


> Wow this is wonderful, all these trusting spouses helpin each other out with Keylogger and the next best greatest software to spy. How wonderful, you all are incredible people.


Well when you find out your SO has a secret email account, they aren't that wonderful, trusting and incredible either!


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> Well when you find out your SO has a secret email account, they aren't that wonderful, trusting and incredible either!



This is a profound statement. Makes sense.


----------



## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> Well when you find out your SO has a secret email account, they aren't that wonderful, trusting and incredible either!


What makes it a 'secret' email account? Does one spouse's lack of knowledge of it automatically make it 'secret'? 
Just wondering.

Regardless, I wouldn't advocate committing a crime (and, yes, hacking another person's email account is a crime) because you don't like the fact they have an email account of which you were previously unaware.

Here's a crazy thought ... instead of breaking the law to snoop on your husband, why not first sit down and have a mature discussion with him about why he needs a 'secret' email account?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> What makes it a 'secret' email account? Does one spouse's lack of knowledge of it automatically make it 'secret'?
> Just wondering.
> 
> Regardless, I wouldn't advocate committing a crime (and, yes, hacking another person's email account is a crime) because you don't like the fact they have an email account of which you were previously unaware.
> ...


I can get slapped with charges I don't really care, if my H has an email account that I'm not aware of on *our*, yes "our" not "his" computer, it's my business. Why not sit down and have a "mature" conversation about it? Are you for real? Do you think if your SO is carrying on something with someone else through email that they would admit it? And in my H's case he could have shown me his email and I would have seen nothing, it was only by doing digging in the email that I found saved chats, not emails.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> Here's a crazy thought ... instead of breaking the law to snoop on your husband, why not first sit down and have a mature discussion with him about why he needs a 'secret' email account?


Unfortunately this seldom works.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Unfortunately this seldom works.


:iagree:


----------



## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

morituri said:


> Unfortunately this seldom works.


Especially when you've already decided your SO is guilty. Why bother asking the question when you've already made up your mind about the answer?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> I can get slapped with charges I don't really care, if my H has an email account that I'm not aware of on *our*, yes "our" not "his" computer, it's my business. Why not sit down and have a "mature" conversation about it? Are you for real? Do you think if your SO is carrying on something with someone else through email that they would admit it? And in my H's case he could have shown me his email and I would have seen nothing, it was only by doing digging in the email that I found saved chats, not emails.


OK, I'm confused. If you've already concluded that your husband is cheating - to the point that you're certain he'd lie in response to any inquiry - why are you bothering to hack into his email? Why make yourself a criminal to prove something you already know? Just take the necessary steps to move on from that toxic of a relationship. (Must be toxic if you believe the mere thought of a mature discussion is something to be scoffed at).

Regarding the email, it matters not one bit whether it's his computer, your computer, a shared computer or someone else's computer. Hacking into someone else's email is a crime. Your logic is akin to suggesting it's OK to open a letter addressed to a neighbor if the postman accidentally sticks it in your mailbox.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> OK, I'm confused. If you've already concluded that your husband is cheating - to the point that you're certain he'd lie in response to any inquiry - why are you bothering to hack into his email? Why make yourself a criminal to prove something you already know? Just take the necessary steps to move on from that toxic of a relationship. (Must be toxic if you believe the mere thought of a mature discussion is something to be scoffed at).
> 
> Regarding the email, it matters not one bit whether it's his computer, your computer, a shared computer or someone else's computer. Hacking into someone else's email is a crime. Your logic is akin to suggesting it's OK to open a letter addressed to a neighbor if the postman accidentally sticks it in your mailbox.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't "know" he was cheating, there were suspicions, and reason for suspicion, but I didn't know for sure. I am not scoffing at a mature discussion, but if they are already hiding something what makes you think that they are just going to give up and tell you what's _really_ going on? "Oops, yup you caught me!!". My relationship with my SO is in no way "toxic" but we were very young and immature and barely knew each other when we became parents and tried to form a family from that, which despite our faults (everyone's got 'em) we've done quite well. 

That being said, my computer, my husband, my business....my computer, my neighbor? Not my business...You want something done right, you have to do it yourself


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> Regardless, I wouldn't advocate committing a crime (and, yes, hacking another person's email account is a crime) because you don't like the fact they have an email account of which you were previously unaware.


So now we can expect teenagers to have their parents arrested for hacking into their facebook or email accounts?



FrankKissel said:


> Especially when you've already decided your SO is guilty. Why bother asking the question when you've already made up your mind about the answer?_Posted via Mobile Device_


Your words, not mine.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GreenEyes said:


> Well if you happen to know his username you can just click on forgot my password and reset the password. That's how I broke into my H's email account that I discovered (lucky for me he actually answers his "secret questions" trusthfully) and that is where I found the chats he was having with a lovely young lady....



I tried this.. I have to either reset his password with an alternate email account (It does show part of the email to reset the password, i didn't know about that one either.) or talk to customer service.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Humble Married Man said:


> Do you have any financial or legal ownership over the computer?
> 
> No
> 
> ...


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Numb in Ohio said:


> The "all in one keylogger" has a 7 day free trial if that helps.



Thank you.. I am going to check it out!!


----------



## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

You're already willing to break the law for this.

Download uTorrent. Google "pirate bay keylogger". Search for one that you like.

And only download freeware.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

dingerdad said:


> How's he acting otherwise? Is his phone attached to his body?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will try to make this as short as i possibly can.. 

When I was in the hospital after our son was born (2 1/2 years ago) I stayed in the hospital for 5 days due to having to have an emergency c-section.. H would leave for hours at a time a couple of times a day while i was in the hospital. He would tell me he was going home to check on things (his oldest daughter was living with us, she was 18 at the time, and his son (16) was staying here also) I never thought anything of it... I wonder if he was really going home or what, now.

Summer 2010 

H's oldest son spent the entire summer with us this year.. I over heard a couple of things during his stay here... One afternoon I went down stairs to get the laundry(we had all the computers in the basement) I was going back up stairs and I opened the basement door (H must have thought I closed it) This is what I heard, I missed the very first part of the conversation, due to me opening the door.

H -said something about a BJ
H's son- "and how will you get her in the house?"
H-"through the window"

This is what pretty much started it all for me.

The a little while later (a month or so) I went into the spare bed room to get something. H and his son were in the kitchen. As I was making my way back to the kitchen. I heard

H's son- "how many time have you banged her"
H- "only twice"

I thought for the longest time, i had miss heard what had really been said... But i can still remember it so clearly like it was a few hours ago.

He hasnt had a cell phone for about a year now.. He got rid of it when i told him i wanted to see his call logs.. And he was pissed when i asked him i wanted them.. I never did get them. H told me that It would have been 75.00 to get them.. I called his wireless provider later that day and it would have been ONLY 35.00 to get his call logs.. *LIE*. I couldn't get them I was not on his account. He went through cricket and they dont keep records online either, if ya want them u have to order them at one of their stores.

His phone would ring a lot. He wouldn't answer his phone in front of me.. I would ask him who called and he said it was the wrong number (how would he know that, he didn't answer it)

Also the data and the talk time on his phone didn't add up to the calls and data,he did leave on his phone. Damn delete button... I never found anything on his phone...


He is distant, emotionally detached, Mean... He tries to pick fights with me and tries to push my buttons to get me pissed off. He has pushed me away. We hardly ever used to fight..He won't help me around the house, he doesn't even help me with our son... I can't even get him to take the garbage out. It is like he would rather be anywhere else, BUT here...


Sex, I dont even know what sex is anymore. It happens once in a blue moon.. AND only when I bring it up. When it does happen it is more like a chore for him and he only does it to shut me up, because I get really *****y, when has been way to long...


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

FrankKissel said:


> What makes it a 'secret' email account? Does one spouse's lack of knowledge of it automatically make it 'secret'?
> Just wondering.
> 
> Regardless, I wouldn't advocate committing a crime (and, yes, hacking another person's email account is a crime) because you don't like the fact they have an email account of which you were previously unaware.
> ...


My husband knows all of my passwords, my email accounts and the passwords for them.. 

It is a secret when you dont know about it and u just happen to stumble across it one day.

Usually when someone hides something from you, like an email account, they dont want you to know about it for a reason!!!

Have a mature discussion about it... BEEN THERE DONE THAT.. Obviously that got me no where or i wouldn't be here, still... He will just lie about, just like he has about everything else.


Once you have been there yourself, you will never know what it is like...


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GreenEyes said:


> I can get slapped with charges I don't really care, if my H has an email account that I'm not aware of on *our*, yes "our" not "his" computer, it's my business. Why not sit down and have a "mature" conversation about it? Are you for real? Do you think if your SO is carrying on something with someone else through email that they would admit it? And in my H's case he could have shown me his email and I would have seen nothing, it was only by doing digging in the email that I found saved chats, not emails.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

FrankKissel said:


> Especially when you've already decided your SO is guilty. Why bother asking the question when you've already made up your mind about the answer?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't made up my mind if he is guilty or not. I dont have any solid proof, just a feeling i have had for over a year.. His actions/inaction.. I hope to GOD i am wrong about it, but i am beginning to think that i have been dead on the entire time.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get a couple of VARs. Put one in the room of the house that he is most likely to use to talk on a phone.

Put one in his car. 

Have you searched his car?


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Humble Married Man said:


> You're already willing to break the law for this.
> 
> Download uTorrent. Google "pirate bay keylogger". Search for one that you like.
> 
> And only download freeware.


You know I am not an idiot... Free keyloggers usually have viruses in them or other harmful things.

Aren't you the one who has been cheating on his wife with several different woman over the last 11 years? Is that why you really have an issue with me "snooping" on my husband. What would you do if the situation was reversed.. Wouldn't you WANT to know?


----------



## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

ladybird said:


> You know I am not an idiot... Free keyloggers usually have viruses in them or other harmful things.
> 
> Aren't you the one who has been cheating on his wife with several different woman over the last 11 years? Is that why you really have an issue with me "snooping" on my husband. What would you do if the situation was reversed.. Wouldn't you WANT to know?


Ah yes...that's why when I used the wink smiley face, I wasn't at all suggesting that you illegally download licensed products, while noting all of the comments, number of downloads, and overall rating of the torrents of interest, to minimise the chance of malware contraction. You don't have to worry about the "7 day trial" nonsense if you do this.

As for your second paragraph, in my humble opinion, acting like a private investigator is unhealthy behaviour. Whether he has cheated or not, the fact is, you don't trust him. He's demonstrated behaviour that has lead you not to trust him.

Your husband is emotionally and sexually neglectful. Apparently, he's gotten his son to hide his infidelities from you. The relationship is full arguments and passive-aggressive behaviour. The relationship has also made you completely paranoid. That's enough of a reason to divorce.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Humble Married Man said:


> Ah yes...that's why when I used the wink smiley face, I wasn't at all suggesting that you illegally download licensed products, while noting all of the comments, number of downloads, and overall rating of the torrents of interest, to minimise the chance of malware contraction. You don't have to worry about the "7 day trial" nonsense if you do this.
> 
> As for your second paragraph, in my humble opinion, acting like a private investigator is unhealthy behaviour. Whether he has cheated or not, the fact is, you don't trust him. He's demonstrated behaviour that has lead you not to trust him.
> 
> Your husband is emotionally and sexually neglectful. Apparently, he's gotten his son to hide his infidelities from you. The relationship is full arguments and passive-aggressive behaviour. The relationship has also made you completely paranoid. That's enough of a reason to divorce.


I completely agree.... But i am a stay at home mom.. I have no income what so ever. I don't have a job, I have been actively looking for months now and i haven't gotten any call backs. If it were only myself, I would have been gone months ago, but I have a child to think about and without me being able to find a job it will be impossible to support him.

I dont trust him (I used to) and trusting someone for me is very hard to begin with, and sorry to say once I lose it, I dont think it will ever come back. 

I am paranoid, you are right.. It is completely unhealthy, but I have to know!! That is just the way I am. My brain wont shut off.. It is going at 5000 RPM non-stop all day everyday. The last 2 days I have had a migraine that I cant get to stop =(.



I have been up for over 24 hours, because i can't sleep.

Sometimes I feel like I am loosing my damn mind-- is that normal?

I am at a complete loss..


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> I tried this.. I have to either reset his password with an alternate email account (It does show part of the email to reset the password, i didn't know about that one either.) or talk to customer service.


Will it let you use one of your own email accounts? When I reset my H's password, I typed in my email account and the link to reset the password went there, his account was a gmail account, I forget which kind you said your SO's was.

I was reading your other post about things that you have heard your H say to his son, among other things...whoa, if what you think you heard is what was really said, he is a major D-Bag. Things that people will do to their SO never cease to amaze me. I don't understand, if somebody wants to have the kind of life where they can bang whoever, do whatever then why get married?? And if they decide after they get married that marriage is not what they want, as much as it will hurt the other person, grow a pair and end it, in the long run it will be better for both people involved....I really hope that you figure out what you need to do and find the evidence you need, whether it be nothing or something, at least you'll have your answers....


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> trusting someone for me is very hard to begin with, and sorry to say once I lose it, I dont think it will ever come back.
> 
> I am paranoid, you are right.. It is completely unhealthy, but I have to know!! That is just the way I am. My brain wont shut off.. It is going at 5000 RPM non-stop all day everyday.


It's so funny how much the way you describe yourself describes me haha


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GreenEyes said:


> Will it let you use one of your own email accounts? When I reset my H's password, I typed in my email account and the link to reset the password went there, his account was a gmail account, I forget which kind you said your SO's was.
> 
> I was reading your other post about things that you have heard your H say to his son, among other things...whoa, if what you think you heard is what was really said, he is a major D-Bag. Things that people will do to their SO never cease to amaze me. I don't understand, if somebody wants to have the kind of life where they can bang whoever, do whatever then why get married?? And if they decide after they get married that marriage is not what they want, as much as it will hurt the other person, grow a pair and end it, in the long run it will be better for both people involved....I really hope that you figure out what you need to do and find the evidence you need, whether it be nothing or something, at least you'll have your answers....



My husband has turned into a D-bag. He was never like this before.. The sad thing is i can't talk to anyone about this because they don't believe my h would ever cheat on me. I have tried to talk to my mom and my aunt.. Both of them said HE WOULD NEVER... Soo i have no one to talk to about this mess.. All i can do is hold it in, until i can't anymore. So i post here just to get it out, before i explode...

I am really thinking about calling my uncle over here, one day and have him go through my h's computer.. He is an IT guy and works for the government. He knows what he is doing. He might be able to find things I can't. He used to be a hacker when he was younger.... 

I am pretty sure what I heard is what i heard. I have been hanging on to it for over a year!! I did ask him about what i heard both times and he acted like he had no idea what he was talking about.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> My husband has turned into a D-bag. He was never like this before.. The sad thing is i can't talk to anyone about this because they don't believe my h would ever cheat on me. I have tried to talk to my mom and my aunt.. Both of them said HE WOULD NEVER... Soo i have no one to talk to about this mess.. All i can do is hold it in, until i can't anymore. So i post here just to get it out, before i explode...
> 
> I am really thinking about calling my uncle over here, one day and have him go through my h's computer.. He is an IT guy and works for the government. He knows what he is doing. He might be able to find things I can't. He used to be a hacker when he was younger....
> 
> I am pretty sure what I heard is what i heard. I have been hanging on to it for over a year!! I did ask him about what i heard both times and he acted like he had no idea what he was talking about.


I was lucky in the fact that my mom believed me when I told her what my H was up to, but with her it's sh*t or get off the pot, there was really no talking to her about it because she's not a talker. It always started off the same with me telling her, her saying all the "mom" things and then saying you need to decide what you need to do, and that was pretty much that. My parents would support me in any decision that I made, but I had no person that I could talk to that could just be neutral and listen and offer up some real advice besides "leave him".

Well you have a very good resource in your Uncle and you should totally use it. He will prolly be able to dig up more than you would be able to with the experience that he has. 

I feel so frustrated for you, because you know what you heard, and you heard it more than once, and to have him tell you he doesn't know what you're talking about..that would drive me crazy....but, again, my H did the same things to me both with things that I had heard and things that I read....like I said, amazing....


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

He said it was "all in my head" And i believed it for a while.. Until i started talking 30mg of Prozac a day, and it didn't do anything.

Every thing is starting to add up.. 

The thing that bugs me the most is that he wont "man up". I know something is wrong, I have told him such and he just blows it off like it is not big freaking deal. HE also knows that I don't trust him anymore either.. Which is where i messed up..

I can't live like this... I hate feeling like this..

My husband is not that great of a liar...

I think i will call my uncle and have him stop by after work... I have his cell phone number somewhere.. If anyone can find anything, its him...


My mom has been supportive, she just doesn't think he would cheat on me... i almost left him in Sept.. I called her and told her everything.. I do have a place to go if need to leave, which it is coming real soon.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Get a couple of VARs. Put one in the room of the house that he is most likely to use to talk on a phone.
> 
> Put one in his car.
> 
> Have you searched his car?


I have searched the car (he uses mine) The only thing i found is atm with drawl slips.. And I also found a country station on the radio in the car. it was programed... He has never listened to country since we have been together.. It wasn't on there before.. I find it rather ODD. Should it mean something?

I should get a VAR.. I think i am going to when he gets paid and put it in the car.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GreenEyes: What happened? your h had an affair? What did you do?

I guess i should read your posts...


----------



## Sindo (Oct 29, 2011)

ladybird said:


> He said it was "all in my head" And i believed it for a while.. Until i started talking 30mg of Prozac a day, and it didn't do anything.
> 
> Every thing is starting to add up..
> 
> ...


I feel for you. Sometimes the gaslighting is almost worse than the cheating itself. 

You've been given a number of free keylogger suggestions. Have you installed one on his computer yet?


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

i haven't installed one on his computer yet..I did find out that he was on it this morning after i left the house, to get some errands done. i wish i would have installed it yesterday.. he deleted the internet history and he doesn't know that norton keeps a log of programs trying to access the internet...if he knew he would have deleted the log too.. that is how i knew..

I am def going to install it tomorrow.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Ladybird,

Do you have reasons to believe he`s cheating?

Considering what I know of your story the secret e-mail address is probably for porn site registration purposes.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

tacoma said:


> Ladybird,
> 
> Do you have reasons to believe he`s cheating?
> 
> Considering what I know of your story the secret e-mail address is probably for porn site registration purposes.



*Yes i do.. here is what I worte earlier.*


I will try to make this as short as i possibly can.. 

When I was in the hospital after our son was born (2 1/2 years ago) I stayed in the hospital for 5 days due to having to have an emergency c-section.. H would leave for hours at a time a couple of times a day while i was in the hospital. He would tell me he was going home to check on things (his oldest daughter was living with us, she was 18 at the time, and his son (16) was staying here also) I never thought anything of it... I wonder if he was really going home or what, now.

Summer 2010 

H's oldest son spent the entire summer with us this year.. I over heard a couple of things during his stay here... One afternoon I went down stairs to get the laundry(we had all the computers in the basement) I was going back up stairs and I opened the basement door (H must have thought I closed it) This is what I heard, I missed the very first part of the conversation, due to me opening the door.

H -said something about a BJ
H's son- "and how will you get her in the house?"
H-"through the window"

This is what pretty much started it all for me.

The a little while later (a month or so) I went into the spare bed room to get something. H and his son were in the kitchen. As I was making my way back to the kitchen. I heard

H's son- "how many time have you banged her"
H- "only twice"

I thought for the longest time, i had miss heard what had really been said... But i can still remember it so clearly like it was a few hours ago.

He hasnt had a cell phone for about a year now.. He got rid of it when i told him i wanted to see his call logs.. And he was pissed when i asked him i wanted them.. I never did get them. H told me that It would have been 75.00 to get them.. I called his wireless provider later that day and it would have been ONLY 35.00 to get his call logs.. LIE. I couldn't get them I was not on his account. He went through cricket and they dont keep records online either, if ya want them u have to order them at one of their stores.

His phone would ring a lot. He wouldn't answer his phone in front of me.. I would ask him who called and he said it was the wrong number (how would he know that, he didn't answer it)

Also the data and the talk time on his phone didn't add up to the calls and data,he did leave on his phone. Damn delete button... I never found anything on his phone...


He is distant, emotionally detached, Mean... He tries to pick fights with me and tries to push my buttons to get me pissed off. He has pushed me away. We hardly ever used to fight..He won't help me around the house, he doesn't even help me with our son... I can't even get him to take the garbage out. It is like he would rather be anywhere else, BUT here...


Sex, I dont even know what sex is anymore. It happens once in a blue moon.. AND only when I bring it up. When it does happen it is more like a chore for him and he only does it to shut me up, because I get really *****y, when has been way to long...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ladybird, do you know his username on this secret account?


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> ladybird, do you know his username on this secret account?


Yes I do...


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

My apologies Ladybird I did read that earlier.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I feel like I am loosing my Mind! AM I?


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ladybird as the father of two young women, your story breaks my heart. May God bless you and your children.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ladybird said:


> Yes I do...


Check your pm's


----------



## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

Alright. From what I gather, you're the type that just needs to know. 

Calling your uncle is an excellent idea. 

If I may ask, what keylogger have you decided to use?

Prepare for the worst. It seems like you will be confirming what you already know.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> GreenEyes: What happened? your h had an affair? What did you do?
> 
> I guess i should read your posts...


He was carrying on a relationship over the internet with some girl that he met over the internet (at least that's what he told me) He said it never went past talking over the internet and the phone, but I have no idea if that's the complete truth, but I have no evidence to prove anything otherwise. I found their chats, he deleted them, but didn't delete his trash, and I found these in an email account that I didn't know he had. I suspected something was going on with him and came home early from work one day to check the computer, and even though he deleted his browsing history, he didn't delete the cookies and I found a gmail account listed in there a bunch of times. The chats were extremely flirtatious, they exchanged pictures a lot, they talked on the phone a lot, my husband said things to her that he has never said to me, and I think that hurt the most. I mean when I first read the chats and read what my H wrote I completely thought I broke into someone else's account, I didn't think it could possibly be his, it sounded nothing like him. I was jealous of her because she was getting the man that I wanted, and who was she? Some 19-year-old with no kids, pretty, perfect complexion, everything, how could I compete with that??? I supposedly found the chats 3 or 4 months after they had quit talking, but again I have no idea what the complete truth is, and it still bothers me, over a year later we still have problems because of it, because I don't completely trust him now. That was the big one for us, there were other smaller issues dealing with him having girl friends and texting them and meeting up with them behind my back. I am in a way thankful for everything that has happened though because it brought back my stubborn, "I could really give a f*@k" attitude and I know I'm good enough, I know I am pretty and fun and if he doesn't that's his loss, that's always been who I am, I just lost that part of me for a while...

It's good that you have somewhere to go if/when you decide to leave. I have the same support from my parents, and that helps ease the situation a little more because that's one less thing you have to stress over. It's funny too because at one time "everything was all in my head too" and I believed that, went on the highest dosage of Lexapro the Dr. would prescribe me, and come to find out it wasn't me after all......(I'm not completely blameless I acknowledge, to my H's face as well, that I have my faults and have done my part sometimes in not making life easy) But he had me believing that I was 100% of the problem, and that wasn't the case at all, it was just an excuse.....


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GreenEyes said:


> He was carrying on a relationship over the internet with some girl that he met over the internet (at least that's what he told me) He said it never went past talking over the internet and the phone, but I have no idea if that's the complete truth, but I have no evidence to prove anything otherwise. I found their chats, he deleted them, but didn't delete his trash, and I found these in an email account that I didn't know he had. I suspected something was going on with him and came home early from work one day to check the computer, and even though he deleted his browsing history, he didn't delete the cookies and I found a gmail account listed in there a bunch of times. The chats were extremely flirtatious, they exchanged pictures a lot, they talked on the phone a lot, my husband said things to her that he has never said to me, and I think that hurt the most. I mean when I first read the chats and read what my H wrote I completely thought I broke into someone else's account, I didn't think it could possibly be his, it sounded nothing like him. I was jealous of her because she was getting the man that I wanted, and who was she? Some 19-year-old with no kids, pretty, perfect complexion, everything, how could I compete with that??? I supposedly found the chats 3 or 4 months after they had quit talking, but again I have no idea what the complete truth is, and it still bothers me, over a year later we still have problems because of it, because I don't completely trust him now. That was the big one for us, there were other smaller issues dealing with him having girl friends and texting them and meeting up with them behind my back. I am in a way thankful for everything that has happened though because it brought back my stubborn, "I could really give a f*@k" attitude and I know I'm good enough, I know I am pretty and fun and if he doesn't that's his loss, that's always been who I am, I just lost that part of me for a while...
> 
> 
> It's good that you have somewhere to go if/when you decide to leave. I have the same support from my parents, and that helps ease the situation a little more because that's one less thing you have to stress over. It's funny too because at one time "everything was all in my head too" and I believed that, went on the highest dosage of Lexapro the Dr. would prescribe me, and come to find out it wasn't me after all......(I'm not completely blameless I acknowledge, to my H's face as well, that I have my faults and have done my part sometimes in not making life easy) But he had me believing that I was 100% of the problem, and that wasn't the case at all, it was just an excuse.....


 *You are not to blame for him choosing to have an affair*.Every one has faults. No one is perfect. He chose to cheat instead of coming to you and telling you what he needed and trying to fix what ever was going on between the two of you. I also think that once someone has broken that trust, you will never trust them fully again!
Trusting someone (for me) is very hard. .I have been through a lot of **** in my life.. I don't just hand it out to anyone. Once it's gone, it's gone.. It took me a very long time to trust my H to begin with.. Now that it's gone I don't think i will ever trust him again. Who wants to live a life like that.. I sure as hell don't. I know that it is not all in my head.. I am not an idiot, either.. Something is really wrong in our marriage and he assures me that everything is fine.. What world is he living in? All i get from him is excuse after excuse


My mom said that since I am very unhappy, I should leave.. I shouldn't be miserable. I have had enough of that in my life already. I just can't find it in me to leave him right now, even though I want to.. I just can't.. and having a child, with me making no income is even harder for me to make that choice. I am right where he wants me, pretty much helpless..


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Check your pm's


Thanks EleGirl. I am going to look into what you sent me today =)


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I installed the all in one key logger on my computer, to try it out before i put it on his. So far the only thing I have had to change on the Norton anti-virus is uncheck the spyware, to allow it.

Pretty good logger too =)


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> *You are not to blame for him choosing to have an affair*.Every one has faults. No one is perfect. He chose to cheat instead of coming to you and telling you what he needed and trying to fix what ever was going on between the two of you. I also think that once someone has broken that trust, you will never trust them fully again!
> Trusting someone (for me) is very hard. .I have been through a lot of **** in my life.. I don't just hand it out to anyone. Once it's gone, it's gone.. It took me a very long time to trust my H to begin with.. Now that it's gone I don't think i will ever trust him again. Who wants to live a life like that.. I sure as hell don't. I know that it is not all in my head.. I am not an idiot, either.. Something is really wrong in our marriage and he assures me that everything is fine.. What world is he living in? All i get from him is excuse after excuse
> 
> My mom said that since I am very unhappy, I should leave.. I shouldn't be miserable. I have had enough of that in my life already. I just can't find it in me to leave him right now, even though I want to.. I just can't.. and having a child, with me making no income is even harder for me to make that choice. I am right where he wants me, pretty much helpless..


And you shouldn't leave until you are absolutely ready, and know that you're ready. The easiest way to slip back into a bad relationship is to leave before you're ready and have doubts in your mind.

I have a very hard time trusting people as well, anyone really, and like you it took me a long time to trust my H in the first place, and I can't honestly say that I ever did 100% but for the most part I did. I have to honestly say that aside from a few things my H is really trying to be a better H, and he's not perfect I know that....aside from the few slip ups that he has had he is a good husband and withoiut a doubt he is a wonderful father and our kids adore him....It being said that I am not a trusting person by nature, I do see that he is trying and I do appreciate it, but our problems and what happened with him and the OW was nothing compared to the problem that you are having, and I hope that you are able to figure out what is best for you and can be happy in your decision....but for sure you DO NOT deserve what he is doing to you right now, at all....


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I am not ready to leave him, yet... It is much harder for me because I have a child with him. I have been looking for a job for months, but so far I haven't even gotten a call back. Working will set things in motion for me, I will at least have some income coming in and not having to depend totally on anyone else.. (I will never ever depend on anyone else again)

My husband used to be a great husband... I have been sitting here for the last year and a half trying to figure out what happened. He wont tell me anything... So i am going to have to get it out of him one way or the other.. I am going to just that.. I have had enough of being treat like i am not a human being, like i am lesser then him and everyone else. I am tired of being in the DARK about everything always the last to know... NO MORE.

I am going to get to the bottom of it once and for all (that is the plan, anyway) and if he doesn't like me putting a key logger on his computer, then i guess he shouldn't have lost my trust in the first place.

I have a really strong feeling that I will find more then i bargained for. I am finally ready for it,, BRING IT ON!


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

dingerdad said:


> You could just ask him to open the secret account when he is sitting at his computer. You should know by the look on his face and his reaction. If he's got nothing's to hide he should do it. If he has a look of fear and goes into a speech about privacy and trust then something's up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He would just say what in the hell are you talking about.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> I have a really strong feeling that I will find more then i bargained for. I am finally ready for it,, BRING IT ON!


Yes, more than likely you will find out a lot more than you bargained for, but it's important that you do if it's there so that you can quit wasting your time and start living your life to the fullest. Good for you, "bring it on" :smthumbup: that's awesome, stay strong, you can do this, have faith that everything will turn out how it is meant to be. Keep me updated and if you need someone to talk to, lemme know


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I went to check the logs on his computer and i couldn't access them. The hot key wouldn't work... =(. It worked fine yesterday when i tried it.


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

What is the hot key??? I've never used a key logger....did you contact your Uncle to come check?


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

ladybird said:


> a keylogger may be t he best bet, but all the ones i have tried only have a 3 day free trial... I am flat broke and cant afford to get a full version keylogger. I need like a free trial for a week (7) days


shark and desktop are your favorite search terms in google.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CantePe said:


> shark and desktop are your favorite search terms in google.


Enlighten me, i am a bit confused lol :scratchhead: I am blonde haha


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

ladybird said:


> Enlighten me, i am a bit confused lol :scratchhead: I am blonde haha


Search terms in google search. "shark" "desktop"

It's what you are looking for (keylogger that is a limited functioning demo but keylogger works fully, rest needs to be unlocked with a cd key you can purchase). You'll understand when you search it up.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CantePe said:


> Search terms in google search. "shark" "desktop"
> 
> It's what you are looking for (keylogger that is a limited functioning demo but keylogger works fully, rest needs to be unlocked with a cd key you can purchase). You'll understand when you search it up.


OH duh hahaha ok!!! Thanks i will look it up :smthumbup:


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Ok i put desktop shark on his computer... I like it much better, cuz i dont have to get on his computer to view the logs i can do it from mine... I will let you all know what i find if anything..


----------



## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ladybird said:


> Ok i put desktop shark on his computer... I like it much better, cuz i dont have to get on his computer to view the logs i can do it from mine... I will let you all know what i find if anything..


:smthumbup:


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GreenEyes said:


> :smthumbup:


good timing too because he off the next 2 days.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Oh and another thing... My H went to toys r us on dec 22 when they were open for 24 hours before xmas, to get a couple of things for our son. He checked out at 1220, (i looked at the receipt.)but he didn't get him till after 2 am... It does not take more then 20-25 minutes to get home from there.


----------

