# I finally figured it out, what a revelation



## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

Being new to the dating scene after ending a long term relationship, it's been awkward trying the usual scene, it's just not my cup of tea, this new way just has me floored. 

It's all about one thing and one thing alone, "networking", as in, I'll chat with and go out with gals that clearly there will be nothing to come of it in the romance department (I'm up front with this of course), but they have friends and family they can refer over to me as a better match, entirely because they know the other person and they know me as well and what we both value. That, and know what it's like to hang out with me, so clearly, they realize that I'm a class act and I treat them all well regardless.

This works on both sides for us, guys and gals. I'm making a lot of new female friends and I'm referring some of them to my guy friends, they are referring me to their girl friends, and it's a win win situation for both sides. 

The cool part, you don't need some dating service, you don't need to come up with some fake line, or join some group, or go to some bar, or any of that, you can just be yourself, and indeed, being totally yourself, you are going to eventually get the perfect match. I get to remain a total nice guy, and the gal's that I know aren't going to refer me over to others that would stomp all over that, they are kind of like filters of sorts and I'm just building up my reputation as being just that, a nice guy.

I can take just one of many case in points here with my current situation. I've been chatting with a gal for a few weeks, she's been having a lot of problems, and being me, mr. total emotional support, she's already referred me over to her sister since she's currently involved. Another huge element with her being just my friend, I get to ask her what her female perspective is on things, especially trying to interpret and/or figuring out what you gals want and are thinking, this very much includes being able to help discern if I'm being lied to. She of course get's the same from me, for I'm an open book and can give valuable input as to a guys perspective.

I should have figured this out long ago, then again, I've had to step outside of myself and not be so shy about it, and it really only takes one person, then let things fall into place naturally from there.


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## poetprose (Sep 1, 2009)

yes... it is all about the network of friends!!

there is no healthier relationship than that of a friendship built on mutual trust and respect..... no pressure , just enjoying each others friendship !!! and of course if your friend likes sci fi movies is icing on the cake :-0

hehehe !!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

That seems to work for some people but it never did for me... everytime I met a guy he would act all serious and some even asked me to marry them... within a week of meeting them...

or date exclusively.

guys don't want to be a womans friend, at least none of them wanted to me mine... they all wanted more.

Maybe this works for some but I dont know any men who are looking for women to be friends with. Guys usually don't go out looking for female friends.
Maybe its different in your world, but in mine....

guys don't like hearing a woman say LETS BE FRIENDS or 
I THIONK OF YOU AS A FRIEND....or being a womans "friend" or mr total emotional support. No men I have ever met in the dating world !
There are social networks, support groups... based on hobbies or special circumstances or intereststs, for that kind of thing... 
I dont think your going to like playing persaonal therapist for long.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Oh Presso,stop being so ****ing bitter. Have a glass of wine.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Not bitter...

but who ever heard of a guy wanting to date to network?
and make friends of the opposite sex?

hahaha


That is about the worst way to use dating sites I've ever heard of.

Something very odd here.... just goes against everything real
and based in reality.
guys who want to be friends?
not in my world or anyone I know of.

I would not want to venture into that dating world. Something very wrong there.
Are you as a woman really going to go to all the trouble to meet a man, just so you can pass him off to one of your friends?
I would find that of no good use of my time.

If I'm going to act as a dating service.. I would open one and not do it free or be someones free therapist.
But for those who have the time and money.... go right ahead
and use your time as you please.

Hope it all works out for you...

lol


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

I have to kinda agree with Presso. The guys who want to be friends with me are brushing me off......that's my experience. And maybe it's where you live....but even the ones who claim they want your friendship don't want to pass you off to someone else cause they might change their mind later about you. Most men around here want one of three things....to have sex...to get serious fast or to string you along.

I hope it is different where you are at. Of course it might have a lot to do with me being a total toad magent.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

it seems to me this is just a make shift version of a social life.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Interesting thread.

My friend has a 'trapline' dating strategy, which is basically to keep rolling friendships with 5-10 women - sort of low key, coffee date 1 or 2x month. And then as he goes from involved to single he can tap into that network.

I think it's a good strategy.

Obviously a man is going to want sex, he's biologically wired to do that. It's like judging a dog for sniffing butts, it's what dogs do. It's their nature. I'd be more worried if a guy didn't pursue sex. Those nice guys tend to be passive agressive, and they don't put forth challenge in a relationship, which makes it boring and unmotivating for the woman.


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