# Back into the dating scene, advice would be appreciated!



## Tr1qu3tra (Jun 4, 2012)

Short recap: My wife cheated and ditched me, I grieved for about two months, and officially got over it around five months ago.

Now I'm back in the dating scene.

I've had a few one night stands, been on a few dates, and even had a girlfriend for two weeks. After liking a girl who ended up not liking me back after a few days of dating and sex, I've kind of taken a step back. I realized that I've been trying too hard to find someone and that I just need to go with the flow until someone finds me.

I've spent the last couple months focusing on me. I've picked up reading again, started getting back into my old hobbies, and have been on a vigorous regiment at the gym. Which brings me to the topic at hand. 

So I've been on this HIIT workout program, which takes about 2 hours of my time daily, 6 days a week. I've noticed a rapid change, I'm becoming cut and lean and muscles I never even got to see when I was in the Army are starting to show themselves.

There's a drop dead cute girl that I began to notice 3 days ago. We've lock eyes at least a dozen times, I notice in my peripheral vision that she stares at me for long periods of time while I'm doing my work out, she seems to kind of shadow me around the gym, and she even finishes her workout in sync with me. This not only happened 3 days ago, but yesterday and today as well.

I'm thinking she might be attracted to me, but for some reason I lock up when it comes to approaching her or taking her queues to converse. Maybe that last girl I liked left some sort of ego scar on me? It's like I'm scared to death of being rejected, it's like high school all over again. I don't know what to say or do and I know for a fact that this website has an awesome community full of excellent advice!

Please advise!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Start out slow. 

The way it works is that the woman lets the guy know she's interested with a look. Then she looks away. This is what she has been doing in looking at you. And you have ignored her thus far. If you are interested she is letting you know that it’s ok to approach her.

That's his clue to approach her. Since you are having some anxiety about this just walk past her a couple of times and say hello. That breaks the ice.

Next time you see her strike up a short conversation.


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## lonewolf8545 (Jan 12, 2013)

I think your trying to get to step z before you take step a. Maybe she's into you or maybe she's not, but just smile and ask her a simple question. If she's into you she'll keep talking and your job is easy. 

Sounds like your dating life has been pretty good so far so relax and go with the flow. If she comes back with nothing than whats the big deal. Can't hit a home run if you don't take a swing.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Here's the best advice I've gotten about it around here... 



COguy said:


> Chillax a bit....


...Thank you, COguy!


Pb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tr1qu3tra (Jun 4, 2012)

Great advice! Thanks again guys. I'm taking it as slow and steady as possible. I caught her staring and playing with her hair while her friend was working out on one of the machines, we locked eyes for a second and I smiled, she gave me a half smile and quickly looked away. I approached later on and asked how many sets they had left on the machine they were using. Her friend was quick to reply, but the one I have my sights on stayed silent and just kept looking at me as I was patiently waiting and catching my breath.

I'm doing the slow and steady thing, I just don't want to take it too slow. I saw two other guys take a run at her today and she seemed to brush them off pretty quickly. I don't know why I'm scared of striking out before ever taking a swing, but I've always been like that when a girl is intimidatingly hot.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Hot or not. She's just a girl! What's the worst that can happen? She says no, you're back where you are today. You got nothing to lose . Surely you can find something to chat about or ask. Wait until she's alone so she has to answer


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Ask about her workout, how's it going etc. you can do it! Report back to us!!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I think you are biting off way too much way too soon. You need to take a few steps back, relax and refrain from dating altogether. 

Keep on focusing on yourself and your own life until you reach the point where it doesn't matter if you get a date with a woman or not, even if she is hot. 

Then you'll be ready to to date.


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## Tr1qu3tra (Jun 4, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I think you are biting off way too much way too soon. You need to take a few steps back, relax and refrain from dating altogether.
> 
> Keep on focusing on yourself and your own life until you reach the point where it doesn't matter if you get a date with a woman or not, even if she is hot.
> 
> Then you'll be ready to to date.


I'm not really looking to date. I see someone who is clearly attracted to me and I'm all locked up. Today was another repeat, we finished working out at the same time (well technically I finished first, but she got off the treadmill as soon as it was clear that I was finished with my cool-down) after having her stare almost the entire time. We both went to the same roll of paper towels to clean up our sweaty messes and I was too shy to even look up at her as I grabbed my share. I give up. 

I'm not really stressed about not having anyone, I like being independent, I'm just to the point where I'm kicking myself for being so cowardly. I've never had a problem before, but for some reason I can't bring myself to even try to make the next move, I get nervous as all heck. I'm scared to death of rejection. Plus I don't want to be "that guy" at the gym that hits on women who are there to work out.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Tr1qu3tra said:


> I'm not really stressed about not having anyone, I like being independent, I'm just to the point where I'm kicking myself for being so cowardly. I've never had a problem before, but for some reason I can't bring myself to even try to make the next move, I get nervous as all heck. I'm scared to death of rejection. Plus I don't want to be "that guy" at the gym that hits on women who are there to work out.


Well, you are stressing ME out! :rofl: Just take it easy and don't over think this. Just say "hi" if you are near this woman or don't say nothing at all. 

I don't know...I guess I can't relate because I'm not like that. If someone interests me, I talk to him. If someone interests someone who is with me and they are too shy to talk to him I talk to him. My friend and I were at this bar last week and she was oogling some guy and I said "Oh him?"

I went over and plopped myself next to him with my friend and started talking to him and introduced him to my friend. She started talking to him and I made myself scarce. Tonight she has a date with him. 

Aren't I just wonderful?


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## Tr1qu3tra (Jun 4, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, you are stressing ME out! :rofl: Just take it easy and don't over think this. Just say "hi" if you are near this woman or don't say nothing at all.
> 
> I don't know...I guess I can't relate because I'm not like that. If someone interests me, I talk to him. If someone interests someone who is with me and they are too shy to talk to him I talk to him. My friend and I were at this bar last week and she was oogling some guy and I said "Oh him?"
> 
> ...


Wow, you're an awesome friend lol. My room mate is getting impatient with me, he told me after we got back that he was very close to approaching her himself and telling her whats up. I guess tomorrow I'm going to make a move, just get a conversation going at least. I'll report back tomorrow with results.. Wish me luck


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## Love And Light (Jan 21, 2013)

Relax. Take a deep breath. Let it happen as it happens. Initiate in casual small talk, the opportunity will present itself. Sounds like you have done well taking care of yourself since your D - kudos to you!


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Hell i didn't even know what "friendzone" was until I got friendzoned about 4 months ago....lol Looked it up and wow!....i need to work on my A game again.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

legiox said:


> Hell i didn't even know what "friendzone" was until I got friendzoned about 4 months ago....lol Looked it up and wow!....i need to work on my A game again.


So, what is it?  :scratchhead:


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Friendzone: When you ask a girl/guy out and they say "i really like you, but i just want to be friends." Basically all hopes of getting with this person just went out the window. They now see you as a friend and nothing more. 

You end up in friendzone, when you like someone (they may like you to), but you never make a move until it's to late and all "romantic" emotions went out the window.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

legiox said:


> You end up in friendzone, when you like someone (they may like you to), but *you never make a move until it's to late and all "romantic" emotions went out the window*.


Well, I have the perfect scenario. It JUST happened! This is how NOT to pursue a woman:

Got your notebooks out? 

I met this guy right after Christmas at a Meetup.com event. We hit it off quite well and talked until everyone else left. The next night we went to another event at a bar and danced and afterwards he walked me to my car and asked if he could date me. He seemed eager to see me and even asked about the next day.

I said I'd like to date him but had plans the next day but we'd see each other a few days later at New Years and was looking forward to it. I definitely gave him the impression that I was interested. I said "Sure" and we kissed each other goodnight. First time I'd kissed another man or expressed interest in one in 25 years!

A few days later we saw each other at a New Years Party. Had a good time, danced, kissed each other when the ball dropped. He told me he wasn't sure about his schedule with his kids (he has two kids ages, 10 and 12) but would be in touch about us getting together. I said "No problem, you let me know."

Week later I texted him to say "hi". We chatted a bit and he said he wanted to see me. I replied the same thing to him. He told me he'd let me know what his schedule was after he talked to his ex. 

A few days later he emails me not to ask me out but to inform me that he will be at the same Meetup event that I signed up for that coming Saturday. :wtf: I said "Ok, see you there" but am wondering about us actually going out. 

The night of this event I get a text from him saying he's sick. I don't answer. It's not like we had an actual date or anything and sometimes the best reaction is no reaction. Ball is in his court now as far as I'm concerned. 

Almost 10 days later, on Martin Luther King Day, I get an email from him that morning asking if I want to go to a movie. I'm at work and don't get it until that evening. But I reply to his email. The then says he never saw the movie and would I like to go see it this coming Saturday? He said he'd get back to me "By the end of the week about a time". 

I said "Sure"..and said that I was looking forward to it. I mentioned that I'd be away all day Friday and he should text or call if he needed an answer right away. No reply from him at all that week. 

I came home last night (Friday) at 9:30pm. No email, text or call from him at all. Checked my email this morning at 10 am and nothing from him at all. 

Then, TODAY at 11:30 am I get a text from him asking: 

"How is your day looking". 

That's it. This is the DAY of our supposed date, almost at noon. 

My reply was:

"Well, originally I thought I had a date with this guy but I never heard from him so I made other plans"

His reply: "Sorry I meant to get to you yesterday"

My reply: "Oh well. BYE"

Yeah, he's been friend-zoned all right. :rofl:

I don't even CARE about dating or meeting someone so I doubt he's going to get someone more laid back than me. Good luck to him out in the dating world.


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## Tr1qu3tra (Jun 4, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, I have the perfect scenario. It JUST happened! This is how NOT to pursue a woman:
> 
> Got your notebooks out?
> 
> ...


I can't stand online dating sites, I tried it for a little while and had no success. I felt kinda desperate when my wife first left, I was kind of in a panic. I know a lot of people are in much worse situations than me, but the thought of me almost turning 29 and having to start over after not having to try to pick anyone up since I was 21 kind of horrified me.

I've learned to take a deep breath, step back, and focus on myself. I've just been scared to even try to make a move. Like I said in my first post, I walked away from the bar hopping/ONS lifestyle and began focusing on myself. Eating healthy, getting into shape, taking up new hobbies and reigniting old ones.

As for this girl I'm interested in, she hasn't been at the gym at the same time as me. The snow kind of caused me to be a little late the past couple of day. I'm excited to use your guy's advice. Small talk and whatnot. I feel like I've got a good shot, but the more I stew on this, the more I realize that the end result doesn't matter.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

29? My lord dude, you got your WHOLE life ahead of you! Don't sweat it! Have fun and enjoy! Go have FUN. Hobbies are fun as is focusing on yourself..working out, eating right, etc. If you want to start a family you can do it whenever! It's one of the advantages of "dude-hood".  :smthumbup:

Anyway, I didn't do anything online. I met this guy at a social event through Meetup.com. I was just there to have fun and socialize, not to specifically meet someone. I am def not interested in the whole online dating thing. 

For one, I don't care about finding someone that much. Also, it's waaay too much work and aggravation. Online dating reminds me of shopping for a new car or something. A lot of my friends use it because it's just another option but its not my thing. Unless I'm making money I don't put that much effort into something. 

As for my situation, this guy just totally handled it really badly. If you ask someone on a date then at least be prepared to do so within a reasonable amount of time. 3 weeks is not reasonable. By then I'm starting to forget who you are! 

And when you DO ask someone out then follow through. Waiting until the _very_ last minute doesn't cut it. I'm all into spontaneity but to a point. I like to be given more notice than an hour or two to head out on what's supposed to be a date. In that way I am indeed every inch a woman. I like to get a shower in at least! 

Saying something like "Sorry, I meant to get to you..". NOT GOOD. What am I? A chore? Something that needs to be attended to? You are supposed to WANT to do this! :wtf: Def a BAD impression to give to someone. 

Fact is, I spent the last 25 years chasing after a man and begging for his attention and I was in love and married to him! I'm DONE with that sh*t! No way am I ever doing that again, especially for someone who is supposed to be interested in me. 

I got plans for tonight and tomorrow night and I'm good at just chillin'. But I am finding this all highly educational and amusing. 

I wonder if I'm the first woman this guy has tried to date or this is just his style? His wife supposedly stepped out on him and if this is how he treated her I can see why. :loser:

To bad cuz I kinda liked him. Oh well. This makes for a great story for when I hang out with my girlfriends.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Im 0-2 right now with women throwing me in the friendzone. First one was totally me. 

1ST girl: totally my fault. Moved way to fast and was to soon after STBXW walked out. Learned from that one.

2nd girl: Thought i did good, but she threw me into the friendzone couple of weeks ago (even though i made a move pretty soon when i knew she was interested). Women, i cannot understand them..lol


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

legiox said:


> Im 0-2 right now with women throwing me in the friendzone. First one was totally me.
> 
> 1ST girl: totally my fault. Moved way to fast and was to soon after STBXW walked out. Learned from that one.
> 
> 2nd girl: Thought i did good, but she threw me into the friendzone couple of weeks ago (even though i made a move pretty soon when i knew she was interested). Women, i cannot understand them..lol


:lol::rofl: That's what WE women say about you men! 

I think God is up there watching all this and having a hell of a good time watching all this. "Yeah, let's take the opposite genders and make them diametrically opposed in a very way possible and see what happens.."

How sadistic is THAT? 

You gotta watch the noobs. I told one guy who had been separated for 2 months that he was a "noob" and he got offended but it's TRUE. Waay too soon. I would'nt date a guy who is that "green". 

Now the guy I was interested was 3 years separated and had filed and had his own place so I figured I was safe but who knows what was going on? 

I think you gotta just roll with the punches and carry on. That's why wine and World of Warcraft was invented.


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