# New here...angry wife



## drail9696

I just don’t know what else to do. It gets worse and worse. Her anger is explosive and once she starts she can stop. Over the simplest things. Like if I sent a text to close to the last one. Or like the other day she told me to just go to bed when I get home because I worked a 16 hour shift and she knew I was tiredand she would take care of the two 14 week old puppies we have. When I got home at 6:30am I showered and then ate. By the time I got done I was just laying down when she got home from work and she just came unglued. Called me a lazy ass piece of **** says I’m worthless like my drug addict brother. But then today she got home before me and insisted on helping me with them. But she came out and looked what I was doing then went back to bed. When I got done with the dogs I went to shower and she got in with me. I was upset, but I don’t hide it well on my face. Big mistake. She had so much hatred in her eyes. I just said the other day you flipped your lid for me doing the same thing you did. And she just started screaming and asking why the **** did I even get out of bed if you’re gonna act like a ****ing baby. 

I can never be upset. Even if she’s at fault, she will lose her mind and just get so heated that she can control what she says. I’m never allowed to show my feelings are hurt, let alone share that with her. That just get me “oh you’re crying over nothing” stop being a baby. 

She is self diagnosed as bipolar depressed. And I’m sure she is.. but at some point it’s not the depression right? It’s abuse. She has broken me. And she doesn’t care. She says sorry, but never changes. That’s just manipulation. She has zero patience. Everything I do annoys her to the point of her becoming furious. I’m sure there’s an underlying issue, some resentment, but she won’t tell me what it is. I can’t even ask if she’s okay, or how are you. 

What’s odd about all of this, is the angrier she has become, the more sexual she has become. We’re fairly newlyweds. Almost 2 years now. 

She tells me I’m insecure when I asks if she still loves me, or if she truly wants this marriage still. But the way she talks to me just screams she doesn’t... I truly do not know what to do anymore. I am the only person she treats this way. I want this marriage. I love this woman with all of my heart. But I’m scared it’s all falling apart in the worst way.


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## Emerging Buddhist

You are continuing to teach her how to treat you still, was she like this while you dated?

Self-diagnosis is far too little, professional help is needed.

Anger is her fear uncontrolled, be it a psychological or chemical condition, but you will not control it either.

If she will not get proper medical help, perhaps it is meant to fall apart... why would you want a marriage like this?

If she is as you say she is I would be fearful for your animals, if you separate or leave, take your puppies with you.


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## StillSearching

Get and read this
https://www.amazon.com/Sheeps-Clothing-Understanding-Dealing-Manipulative/dp/1935166301


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## SunCMars

Angry wife, yes, take a number.


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## SunCMars

This/she is deeply packed.

The anger and the sexual thing?
Hmm?

She is that sadist/masochist. 

She wants a cave man in bed, a yes-men the rest of what's said.

Without a doubt, she is a dominatrix. 
A cruel man with a vagina.

Your' best bet is to stand up to her and dominate her.
Alas, few men can do this.
Do this, without going to jail.

Amen.




THRD-


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## Tilted 1

Let me say this, there is not enough love in a marriage fir me to stay and take this abuse. What has happened is that you are co-dependent and need to draw the line. She needs to go-to a phycologist and get one meds. Now! And if the phycologist doesn't find her to be BPD, then she just hates your guts or is truly upset of something in your marriage. You need this book.

No More Mr. Nice Guy
Book by Robert A. Glover

And what your experiencing right now......... Is love.


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## Diceplayer

She has absolutely no respect for you. She is an abusive spouse and nobody should have to live with this behavior. She continues because she gets away with it. No consequences means no reason to change. She needs professional help. It's time for you to man up, grow a pair and tell her to get help or to get out. I would not put up with this for one more minute.


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## Affaircare

drail9696 said:


> I just don’t know what else to do. It gets worse and worse. Her anger is explosive and once she starts she can stop. Over the simplest things. Like if I sent a text to close to the last one. Or like the other day she told me to just go to bed when I get home because I worked a 16 hour shift and she knew I was tiredand she would take care of the two 14 week old puppies we have. When I got home at 6:30am I showered and then ate. By the time I got done I was just laying down when she got home from work and she just came unglued. Called me a lazy ass piece of **** says I’m worthless like my drug addict brother. But then today she got home before me and insisted on helping me with them. But she came out and looked what I was doing then went back to bed. When I got done with the dogs I went to shower and she got in with me. I was upset, but I don’t hide it well on my face. Big mistake. She had so much hatred in her eyes. I just said the other day you flipped your lid for me doing the same thing you did. And she just started screaming and asking why the **** did I even get out of bed if you’re gonna act like a ****ing baby.


This is emotional abuse. You are living with an abuser. I get it--you are a man and she is a woman, and the image the media portrays is NOT one where the man is the abused spouse. Further, it isn't "manly" to let your wife abuse you. But here's the truth: you are an abused spouse. 



> I can never be upset. Even if she’s at fault, she will lose her mind and just get so heated that she can control what she says. I’m never allowed to show my feelings are hurt, let alone share that with her. That just get me “oh you’re crying over nothing” stop being a baby.


You may learn some by reading about verbal abuse on this website: https://www.drirene.com/ I am not affiliated with that site in any way other than that it is just one of my favorites and lays it out, in plain language, what is and is not verbal abuse and how to recognize it and what to do about it. 



> She is self diagnosed as bipolar depressed. And I’m sure she is.. but at some point it’s not the depression right? It’s abuse. She has broken me. And she doesn’t care. She says sorry, but never changes. That’s just manipulation. She has zero patience. Everything I do annoys her to the point of her becoming furious. I’m sure there’s an underlying issue, some resentment, but she won’t tell me what it is. I can’t even ask if she’s okay, or how are you.



I would like to address this particular part of your post. People often are not able to admit they are wrong, nor do they very often take personal responsibility for their actions, but I want to ge sure you understand something. I am not mentally ill (that I know of  ) but I've had my fair share of childhood trauma and abusive relationships in my life, and because of those situations, had my fair share of counseling and therapy. I'm not trying to be cruel, but when someone is mentally ill, and they are aware they are mentally ill, they have a personal responsibility to get their own butt to therapy and to the doctor so they can get medications and learn how to live in a healthy way with those in their life! Now often, people use their mental illness as their justification for why they "have to" act in a certain poor way. They know that what they are doing is harmful and destructive on some level, but they justify it by saying "I can't help myself--I am ___" I've been there/done that, and I say "BALONEY!!" They CAN help themselves!! They just don't want to do the hard work to fix themselves because it is difficult and it hurts!!! Soooo...they would rather hurt others than face their own self and their own hurt. 

Yes...at some point it is not the bipolar nor the depression that is "causing" her to abuse you. It is the fact that she will not deal with her bipolar through medication and counseling. It is the fact that she will not deal with her depression through medication and counseling. It is the fact that it is easier for her to abuse you than it is to face herself. 



> What’s odd about all of this, is the angrier she has become, the more sexual she has become. We’re fairly newlyweds. Almost 2 years now.
> 
> She tells me I’m insecure when I asks if she still loves me, or if she truly wants this marriage still. But the way she talks to me just screams she doesn’t... I truly do not know what to do anymore. I am the only person she treats this way. I want this marriage. I love this woman with all of my heart. But I’m scared it’s all falling apart in the worst way.


I will challenge you on this one thought: I think you DO know what to do, but you don't want to do it. You know that you can no longer be with/stay with someone who is abusing you so badly, who won't admit or see that she's doing it, and who won't do what she has to do in order to protect you from her own self. I mean... really what you're asking is that she admit that her anger is abusive toward you, that she recognize she has a problem, that she go to the doctor to see if a prescription might help, and that she go to Individual Counseling (IC) to learn how to be angry in a healthy way and how to deal with you in a way that is LOVING instead of ABUSIVE. That is truly not unreasonable. You are asking for a mutually healthy relationship. 

What is unreasonable is to continue a relationship that is harming you...deeply. But I suspect some part of you actually already knows that. I also suspect you don't want to do what you know you must.


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## Cynthia

One of the hallmarks of love is to put yourself aside for their best interests. Is it really in you wife's best interests to be an abusive, intolerable person? I don't think it is. I think, if you really love her, that you should set a boundary and be willing to lose the marriage rather than enable her in behaving badly. It's not doing either of you any good to stay in this relationship. She is has broken her marriage vows to love, honor, and respect you. It's time to reconsider what love is. Your primary responsibility is to take proper care of yourself and then help others from your strength, rather than from weakness.


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## MattMatt

She needs psychiatric evaluation. And treatment.


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## aquarius1

the hyper angry combined with hyper sexual sounds like she's in a manic phase. Can you hospitalize her? convince her to go to her doctor?
All I can say is, watch your credit cards and bank accounts. Wild spending and indiscretions can often accompany these phases


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## drail9696

Diceplayer said:


> She has absolutely no respect for you. She is an abusive spouse and nobody should have to live with this behavior. She continues because she gets away with it. No consequences means no reason to change. She needs professional help. It's time for you to man up, grow a pair and tell her to get help or to get out. I would not put up with this for one more minute.


She has acknowledged over and over she needs help. But she is in between insurances right now and we’re working in getting her into mine since it so much better. I’ve manned up. And when I threaten to walk out she just say I’m like everyone else. Walking out, it’s all she’s ever known. And somehow makes me feel guilty for walking out or threatening a separation.


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## drail9696

Emerging Buddhist said:


> You are continuing to teach her how to treat you still, was she like this while you dated?
> 
> Self-diagnosis is far too little, professional help is needed.
> 
> Anger is her fear uncontrolled, be it a psychological or chemical condition, but you will not control it either.
> 
> If she will not get proper medical help, perhaps it is meant to fall apart... why would you want a marriage like this?
> 
> If she is as you say she is I would be fearful for your animals, if you separate or leave, take your puppies with you.


She had a temper when we dated, not nearly this bad. I will say I was very insecure when we started dating. I wanted to be with her all the time. And she was okay with that. But now she uses that against me. Says I’m the reason she has no friends or family. But we always hung out with them up until lately. 

She is in between insurances right now, we got married young and didn’t know anything about open enrollment, right now we are getting her onto mine. But it takes time. She has admitted she needs help, but it doesn’t matter. It will happend again. Always does . And she’ll say sorry and then ask me to have sex with her. 

I have security cameras in the house, I have heard her yell and scream at the puppies. Never strike them, but say it would be so easy to strangle you and tell everyone you ran away. One day she woke me up to tell me to go clean up after them or she was going to kill them. But then the next day she was fine with the mess they made. So yes I keep a close watch on them.


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## FalCod

Leave her. You're in for a lot of pain and trouble and it won't end well. The sooner you get out, the less you will have lost.


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## SunCMars

drail9696 said:


> She has acknowledged over and over she needs help. But she is in between insurances right now and we’re working in getting her into mine since it so much better. I’ve manned up. And *when I threaten to walk out she just say I’m like everyone else.* Walking out, it’s all she’s ever known. And somehow makes me feel guilty for walking out or threatening a separation.


Those others, those 'everyone' else folks, had more sense and less tolerance.They left her.
This, of course.

Kudos for staying with her. While noble, it sounds.....unwise.

The problem is that we are given such short lives, why waste it with someone who is not a source of pleasure.
A spouse should be one who you enjoy being around.

Most of the time! 
We all have bad days.


THRD-


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## Emerging Buddhist

Your eyes are open, you know this for what is and are a willing participant at this point.

May I ask how old you both are?


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## Ursula

drail9696 said:


> She had a temper when we dated, not nearly this bad. I will say I was very insecure when we started dating. I wanted to be with her all the time. And she was okay with that. But now she uses that against me. Says I’m the reason she has no friends or family. But we always hung out with them up until lately.
> 
> She is in between insurances right now, we got married young and didn’t know anything about open enrollment, right now we are getting her onto mine. But it takes time. She has admitted she needs help, but it doesn’t matter. It will happend again. Always does . And she’ll say sorry and then ask me to have sex with her.
> 
> I have security cameras in the house, I have heard her yell and scream at the puppies. Never strike them, but say it would be so easy to strangle you and tell everyone you ran away. One day she woke me up to tell me to go clean up after them or she was going to kill them. But then the next day she was fine with the mess they made. So yes I keep a close watch on them.


This is really concerning to me, and I’m prone to believe that your pups might be in danger if she flies off the rails. Since you know how she can be and have heard her threaten them, it’s your duty to get them to hell out of that house and away from her. While you’re at it, you should also get away from her; there’s no reasoning with crazy, and if she flies off the handle, she could seriously harm you. Do not leave her alone with your pups; make sure they’re supervised at all times when she’s with them in the meantime. Also, do NOT have kids with her; if she threatens to kill an innocent puppy, she’ll do the same with a baby. Run, run away as fast as you and your 4-legged buddies can go!


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## SpinyNorman

drail9696 said:


> She has acknowledged over and over she needs help. But she is in between insurances right now and we’re working in getting her into mine since it so much better. I’ve manned up. And when I threaten to walk out she just say *I’m like everyone else. Walking out, it’s all she’s ever known.* And somehow makes me feel guilty for walking out or threatening a separation.


Gee, I wonder why.


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## Thor

Read the book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". It is a lot deeper than the title suggests. Also read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover as someone else already mentioned.

Run like your ass is on fire! And take the pups with you. She is going to kill things, and you could be included.


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## She'sStillGotIt

drail9696 said:


> I have security cameras in the house, I have heard her yell and scream at the puppies. Never strike them, but say it would be so easy to strangle you and tell everyone you ran away. One day she woke me up to tell me to go clean up after them or she was going to kill them. But then the next day she was fine with the mess they made. So yes I keep a close watch on them.


I'd leave this lunatic - and take the dogs with you.

I lost ALL sympathy for her when I learned innocent animals are at her mercy. 

Sadly, you're so damned *co-dependent *that you continue desperately clinging to her like grim death and begging her to love you all while she's treating you like **** and threatening to strangle innocent puppies. Good Christ.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Thor said:


> Read the book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". It is a lot deeper than the title suggests. Also read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover as someone else already mentioned.
> 
> Run like your ass is on fire! And take the pups with you. She is going to kill things, and you could be included.


The *ONLY* thing this guy should be reading (and signing) is his divorce attorney's Representation Agreement when he retains him to legally remove this BAD LIFE CHOICE from his life.


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## As'laDain

drail9696 said:


> I just don’t know what else to do. It gets worse and worse. Her anger is explosive and once she starts she can stop. Over the simplest things. Like if I sent a text to close to the last one. Or like the other day she told me to just go to bed when I get home because I worked a 16 hour shift and she knew I was tiredand she would take care of the two 14 week old puppies we have. When I got home at 6:30am I showered and then ate. By the time I got done I was just laying down when she got home from work and she just came unglued. Called me a lazy ass piece of **** says I’m worthless like my drug addict brother. But then today she got home before me and insisted on helping me with them. But she came out and looked what I was doing then went back to bed. When I got done with the dogs I went to shower and she got in with me. I was upset, but I don’t hide it well on my face. Big mistake. She had so much hatred in her eyes. I just said the other day you flipped your lid for me doing the same thing you did. And she just started screaming and asking why the **** did I even get out of bed if you’re gonna act like a ****ing baby.
> 
> I can never be upset. Even if she’s at fault, she will lose her mind and just get so heated that she can control what she says. I’m never allowed to show my feelings are hurt, let alone share that with her. That just get me “oh you’re crying over nothing” stop being a baby.
> 
> She is self diagnosed as bipolar depressed. And I’m sure she is.. but at some point it’s not the depression right? It’s abuse. She has broken me. And she doesn’t care. She says sorry, but never changes. That’s just manipulation. She has zero patience. Everything I do annoys her to the point of her becoming furious. I’m sure there’s an underlying issue, some resentment, but she won’t tell me what it is. I can’t even ask if she’s okay, or how are you.
> 
> What’s odd about all of this, is the angrier she has become, the more sexual she has become. We’re fairly newlyweds. Almost 2 years now.
> 
> She tells me I’m insecure when I asks if she still loves me, or if she truly wants this marriage still. But the way she talks to me just screams she doesn’t... I truly do not know what to do anymore. I am the only person she treats this way. I want this marriage. I love this woman with all of my heart. But I’m scared it’s all falling apart in the worst way.


This reminds me of the way my mother treated my father when i was little. Back before she tried to beat me to death on a fairly regular basis. One of her favorite lines, back before she started physically abusing me was "i brought you into this world, i can just as easily take you out!"

I never thought she was serious about that until she broke a big antique whiskey bottle on my skull. It cracked my skull and caused some serious issues for a while. I was 12. 

@drail9696, record everything. Be willing to leave her. Until she gets treated for her anger, you are not safe around her. The longer she goes on raging, the more she will embed that behavior in her brain. The longer it goes on, the worse it will get.


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## Jade1996

I have manic bipolar... Diagnosed properly
It could be a manic phase
But I don't treat my partner like crap because I'm manic I get irritable but never abusive
It takes time to learn how to control it she needs help but there's nothing much you can do 
You could support her but it will be a rough ride. 
I can say she might not actually be angry at you she probably doesn't hate you at all, often people with bipolar suffer from a lack of emotion so feeling nothing, that will pass will the mania if it is that causing it


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