# Feeling very lonely



## "helpless" (Apr 8, 2009)

Is normal not to have any freinds? The only people I talk with is with family members. I feel like it's not okay to have to hold everything inside at times I fell like I'm going to burst. I don't have that relationship with my Hubby where I can talk to him about my problems because it ends up with him criticizing me and ends up with a huge fight.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I really don't have friends I can safely confide in. I found online to be wealth of new listeners, but it's not quite the same as real life friends. I am considering joining some social clubs and support groups, but I am so busy with the kids.


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## miturn (Apr 8, 2009)

I preach more than I practice but......perhaps a conversation you could engage your partner with is why you cant talk to him about your problems without it ending up with him criticizing you.

1) Plan an approach like you would in a workplace environment. 
EG: Make notes, Points 1. 2. 3. to help keep you focused on this one issue

2) Plan a quiet but unfamiliar public place to have this conversation
EG: An intimate family restaurant or cafe may provide an atmosphere of harmony and receptiveness 

3) Identify what you hope to achieve
EG: You would like to find a more effective and rewarding way of communicating with each other.

4) Tell your partner what and why you want to have this time together and give him time to think about it
EG: Schedule this get together for perhaps a week after inviting him to participate.

5) Be receptive but if it is not going well then finish the outing on a positive note & try again in a week or two. 
EG: Ok we have made some progress tonight so lets just enjoy the meal and try this again soon

This all sounds very simplistic but it may well be the approach that works for you and I suggest is worth considering. 

PS: You can go ahead and burst all you like now because you do have friends here.


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## "helpless" (Apr 8, 2009)

thank you so much for your tips. at first i felt a little skeptical about expressing my feelings here but i'm glad i did.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Im sorry you're so lonely. i know how you feel. Ive moved four times over six years. I have no friends right now either. Havent for awhile. It was really hard to deal with because i thought my H was supposed to be there for me. turns out that's not really how it works. 

It really helps me to stay busy. Also being on forums helps me and I meditate. and there's always counseling.


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## lisakifttherapy (Jul 31, 2007)

"helpless" said:


> Is normal not to have any freinds? The only people I talk with is with family members. I feel like it's not okay to have to hold everything inside at times I fell like I'm going to burst. I don't have that relationship with my Hubby where I can talk to him about my problems because it ends up with him criticizing me and ends up with a huge fight.


I think people generally need other people in their lives, including friends. This pertains to married or unmarried people. A healthy relationship is typically one where there's attention on the partnerships, ofcourse - but also each individual. Having some independence within a marriage is not a bad thing. That means having friends and other outlets, hobbies and the like.

This is particularly true for you if you have a partner who you can't communicate with. It's unfortunate that he doesn't appear interested in hearing what goes on for you without being critical. Ideally you could both tell each other how you're feeling about "whatever" and feel emotionally safe doing that!

If you feel lonely, it's because you are. Seek out friendships in social groups, clubs, at church or wherever might fit for you.

If your husband is open to couples counseling, you might want to consider that to improve the communication in your marriage.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Friends are really important although harder to have at certain stages of life. Truthfully, though, no one person can meet all our needs. That's too much responsibility for any one of us to have in relation to another person. Why don't you have friends? Do you have trouble making them? It's worth looking into this b/c I would say it is not ideal to be so isolated, although the give and take of friendship does change over the years. Good luck.


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## unhappy at home (Mar 21, 2009)

I agree with sister369, no one can meet all of our needs, but having a few good friends to confide in has been my life line.
Are there any opportunities to join clubs or groups where you have the opportunity to meet people with same interests? 
Are your family that you talk to supportive? 
good luck


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## fairydust (Mar 28, 2009)

Helpless:

I feel exactally like you. My H is the same and yours and my last female friend ended up having an affair with my H. A female friend I had at work ended up screwing me in our job. 

I guess I don't have a great track record on picking friends. Funny thing, these are two friends that I still miss... somewhat. I guess I thought a real friendship was there when it really wasn't.

I feel very lonely alot of times. Glad I have my kids.


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