# Weird. . . just weird



## MoonHare (Jan 13, 2012)

So to preface all this, I am the one the wants a divorce. I am trying to make the best of a bad situation. Sex is unpleasant (for me) and I don't want to, I've been trying to push through (for years) and I can't anymore, I'm done. I don't want to be sexual with him anymore. When I realized that I don't love him anymore, I knew it would probably lead to divorce. He had always said, no sex, no marriage, and frankly, I can understand that. I do feel horribly guilty, as we have kids and he is a good father. I would go for 50/50 custody/placement. 

There is nothing else on the side, I just want to be able to say no to sex without being punished for it (nothing physical, just silent/grumpy treatment for days until I gave in). And I'm just not attracted to someone who had made sex a constant fight throughout our 13+ years of marriage.

So now he wants to stay together and have his needs met via a customized sex doll. (~$6,000). We had this fight years ago, when it was absolutely impossible to afford it. We still can't really afford it (it would have to be credit card or home loan) but I guess it's more doable. I just wonder--would he really be happy with that? Has anyone done this? It weirds me out a bit. What if the kids find it?

He doesn't want to get divorced but says I'm screwing him by remaining married to him--he can't date while married. (Yes, he's been on a date and I guess it didn't go well). A doll would take care of his needs so he could be happy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't see it working. Sex does not equal intimacy. If the two of you aren't going to try to fix your marriage, part ways and THEN let him buy his doll on his own.

Speaking as a guy, BTW...

C
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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That's not a solution to your problem. Neither is having an open marriage. Either work on your marriage (and really commit) or get a divorce. Unfortunately neither of those options are easy.


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

That's a little bit creepy to be honest. I would imagine it would be like having sex with a dead body. Also 6000$ sounds a huge amount of money as well. Are you sure he's not just saying this to make you give in to his demands?
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## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

Yeah that is weird. Also, I understand where you are coming from, MoonHare, a HUGE issue in my marriage was sex. I almost never said no to him, but if I did it turned into a huge fight or sulk fest, and he never got over the fact some things he wanted in the bedroom I simply wasn't okay with. He felt it was my duty to meet those needs, no matter how difficult. 

Yeah, no.

As far as a sex doll, I doubt this would work out. It would be hurtful to me for my husband to be using a doll to satisfy his needs. Not to mention, even were he to buy this doll, do you think he would still use it as a guilt tactic? "Because you said no to me, now I have to go have sex with doll!!"

I am only speaking of the way things would go were it me and my husband, so maybe- hopefully- yours is different. Everyone's relationship is different, so maybe something that would never work for me would work for you. But it has to be something you are comfortable with. This I also learned, because my husband wanted me to become comfortable with a sort of open relationship (where he was involved with me and one other woman), and I loved the jerk so much I genuinely tried to accept it and be okay with it, but I never could be, because this was not something I was comfortable with.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

it might be weird too if he decides he wants sex while youre sleeping and you wake up to him pounding away on Dolly.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Weird. 

Don't go along with this. Get a divorce. It can be done very inexpensively if the two of you agree to just split everything 50/50 and the one who earns more pays child support according to the state guidelines.

I wonder if the doll idea is just a way to insult you... he can replace you with a blowup doll?


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

WTH....
Divorce.
The minute that is suggested, it's over he obviously never valued you to even use that as an option....
Talk about deal breaker...
He's using that as an cowardly way to keep you from moving on...
Which only in my opinion is what you probably should do...


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## MoonHare (Jan 13, 2012)

Yeah, that's kind of what I thought too. I am in the process of disentangling but I find that even though it's over in my heart, even though i cannot see us together, I just feel guilt. I feel guilty for hurting him even though I don't want to be with him. 

I know what I need to do, I'm moving forward, albeit slowly. He'll bring up stuff like this and I am just so. . . well, I guess stunned and I don't know what to say. The hilarious thing is that he said I should pay for it since I'm now denying him sex. But I'm finding in IC that setting my own boundaries and enforcing them is something I need to work on. 

At least he's stopped the "I'm going to become a monk" or "I'm going to kill myself" talk now. I guess I'd rather deal with "Buy me a inordinately expensive sex doll customized to my specifications" talk.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

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