# What would you do??



## lady323 (Nov 12, 2010)

I have been divorced 2 years now. However, I am still paying the health insurance for the ex. He was recently diagnosed with cancer so he is back in the house while he goes through his chemo treatments before his surgery. 

Now here's my issue---his g/f wants to come down to visit. He has asked if she could stay at the house. My immediate response was no and that I would be totally uncomfortable with that and I would think she would also be uncomfortable. I finally relented and said yes but indicated I do not want him in the same bed but for both of them to sleep in their own rooms and to have the decency to respect my wishes on that.

Just the thought of her in the same house has been freaking me out but as we discussed, we are all adults. However, this still doesn't sit well with me but as he's going through cancer I didn't want to add the stress of this. He is adamant that he doesn't want her to spend money on a hotel..

I know I need to move on but just wanted to see if my feelings are validated or should I just let it go.

Thoughts?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

OH HELL NO!!!!!!

he is taking advantage of your generosity...this is YOUR House, if she wants to visit fine but not at your house. You are not a B&B. 

the nerve of some people


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hell no.

You are his caretaker now?

You are going above and beyond and he is adamant about you putting up his gf?

Cut the ties. You were divorced for reasons and I see at least one clearly right now.

Get your own bf and have him in your house! Geesh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lady323 (Nov 12, 2010)

Unfortunately, it's both our house as in our agreement I can stay in it until 2017 and then we sell or I buy him out..


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Your feelings are validated if he acknowledges them.

Surely an awkward position to be in, though. I would first ask you to ask yourself to explain why you are uncomfortable with the idea of them being together in your home. It goes two ways. 

1. He needs physical and emotional support and his G/F is part of that.
2. An ex is bringing a romantic partner to your home.

I would say that you should look at why you feel uncomfortable. If it makes logical sense to you, then stand by it. The house still needs to function and won't be able to do so if you are uncomfortable. Make that decision and inform them, leaving no room for further discussion.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Book recommendation: Codependency No More

Get it ... like yesterday...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lady323 said:


> Unfortunately, it's both our house as in our agreement I can stay in it until 2017 and then we sell or I buy him out..


Good Lord!

Bad agreement for moving on with your life.

Well, I guess you don't have as much say in the matter as I thought.

Do you have a bf?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Doesn't the place where he's getting his chemo have some kind of hospitality center for family and close friends to spend time with the patient? This may be a better option for him and his girlfriend while she's visiting. The hospital offers deeply discounted and sometimes even free lodging. You could look into that. Or he could, depending how well he feels. 

As a last resort, having already said yes, and given that they will probably end up sharing a bed despite your wishes (which is not a bad thing for someone going through chemo) would you feel comfortable spending the night at a friend's house? That would be me. Just say, hey, use my house but I'm out of here. Lock your bedroom door and call it good. Or alternatively, invite a friend to stay over, so it's not just you and them in the house. And have a plan that if it's not working out, you have a place to go.

It really depends how generous you want to be, or feel you can be, while still making sure you have options so you don't get in too deep with your generosity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You are probably unable to move until 2017? Did that favor you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

YOU have placed yourself in a horrible situation. There is no closure, there is no separation of lives.

No, his GF should not be in your home.
There are alternatives that are available for him. Every major medical center has a hospitality center. Yes, its impersonal. Its supposed to be. You are giving him the benefits of your care (like any spouse would) with the freedom of a single life. Crazy, crazy. I'd have to be heavily medicated to put up with that.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Based on the other information you have posted about this "man" he sounds like a con man. Don't let his girlfriend stay there she likely won't leave.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Even though you both still own the house it sounds like he moved out and you stayed there. So while it legally is partly his it logically is your home. Letting him stay there at all is going above and beyond. There is no need to be a doormat.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

What a ****ty position to end up in, divorced and still playing nurse to the guy, I couldn't do it. After two years you are still a part of each others daily lives, why did you bother getting divorced???

I say absolutely not! Who cares if he doesn't want his girlfriend spending money on a hotel, that's not your problem. Actually he shouldn't be your problem either!


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Until you sell the house and move on, expect more of this. 

Since it technically belongs to both of you, "Sure, have your GF stay. You can put me up at XXX hotel until she leaves."


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

Oh, HELL NO!!! That is huge disrespect! Yes, I can understand the need to have a loved one around when fighting the Big C but that is why God invented Motel 6.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Not to be flippant, but that is exactly what hotels/motels are for ~ ship both him and her off to one without the least bit of hesitation!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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