# Wife is emotionally detached/ Husband stuck in a foreign country



## jodantheinvisibl (Feb 21, 2016)

Me and my wife have been married for almost 10 years. We have two beautiful kids/ 6 year old twins. Im an American and she's European and we live in Europe now. For a few years I've suspected that my wife has been unfaithful, however I have no proof nor has she admitted to anything. 
First of all This isn't your typical cry for help. I know, well at least I think I know what my options are, and what services there are for families who face problems like mine. I just want to share my story in hopes that someone out there cares or has felt the way I'm feeling now.
My wife is very secretive, her phone and tablet are both locked. She gets upset when I try and use her device. She's happy and excited when she's on the phone with her coworkers and family but the opposite when she hangs the phone up. I try and complement her on being attractive and she says that my compliments aren't true. She pushes me away when I try and kiss her, she lays in the bed next to me and never once touched me but she'll spend hours on her phone, she has never (in almost 10 years) come on to me, I'm always the one to pursue her, when I visit her at work she says it's against company policy to hug or kiss someone in uniform (even though her coworkers do it). After years of this I started having irregular heart beats and was put on beta blockers due to stress. After I told her I was depressed about everything I mentioned above, she replied "I don't want you to feel that way because of me". That was a week ago and nothing has changed. Years ago I bought her a few sex toys, to help with some stress issues she was having. Lately I've suspected that she's been using them instead of making love to me... Is there a female out there who recognizes these signs my wife is displaying? Is there anyone out there who has experienced something like this?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sorry for your plight.

A strange thing this.
This relationship.

I see why you are in it.
But, her...I cannot.

She is obviously having some sort of affair, either an emotional one or physical. Likely both.
You need to snoop. Get her passwords by installing a keylogger on her computer. A hidden camera located to discern her phone password.

You need to install a voice activated recorder, a VAR, were she sits, maybe under her car seat. Velcroed in place. Sony makes them. Practice with it until you are comfortable with its use. You need to turn off the alarm, the red record light and play back.

If she drives, you need to GPS her position using her phone or buy a GPS device and put it in her car. You will need to pay a monthly fee to use the application.

When you discover something do not confront her. Do not say a thing. You need to build an iron-tight case.
Come back here for advice on how to proceed.


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## jodantheinvisibl (Feb 21, 2016)

*Advice from a wife would help*

I'm a husband of a wife that is becoming less and less interested in our marriage. I could use some advice from someone who relates to her actions. I'm the type of husband that supports his wife in extreme measures. I'll take care of the kids and let her rest on a daily basis, I'll do the cleaning, I'll pick her up and take her wherever she needs to go (All of this is because she says she's stressed). But when I want to be close to her she pushes me away. I'm not allowed to look at her body(she walks around the house in nothing but underwear), I'm only allowed to kiss her when she initiates it (goodbye kisses). 
I've expressed to her that I need her attention and she says it makes her sad I feel that way, but after that conversation nothing changes. I recently have to go to the ER because I was having irregular heart beats due to stress and all she wanted to do to help me was fix me dinner. The next day we were back to normal. I told her I want to move out she didn't even care...


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You, my young friend, are not unique. There have been hoards of husbands looking to solve your riddle. They start with the premise that they are good providers, good partners, self-sacrificers, and all around NICE GUYS. So how can their wives treat them so badly? Then they proceed to try even harder to please their W, and that only results in making things worse. 

Hint... Your W doesn't see you that way. Why? Because for various reasons you haven't set simple boundaries as to what you will or won't tolerate and that set a negative path in your marriage. It will be hard to set them now, but if you don't try it will fail anyway. Are you a pleaser? ...a conflict avoided? 

It's slow on the weekends, others will be along. Take that time to browse these links and resources to see if you find yourself and some answers in some of them... "I'm a Nice Guy, the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. Why doesn't she want me?"

Nothing will change until you do. Does that make sense? 

Best


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

*Re: Advice from a wife would help*

She doesn't care because she knows you won't leave.

She treats you that way because you allow it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Advice from a wife would help*

farside is right.

How long have the two of you been married?

Do you have any children?

Does your wife have a job?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@jodantheinvisibl


I merged your two threads. you will get better responses if you stick to one thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My questions in the above post are now answered since I found your first thread. You've been married 10 years, have 3 children and she has a job.

When did your wife start acting like this? How long ago?

How much time do the two of you spend together, just the two of you doing thing that you both enjoy? what sort of things do you do?

What kinds of things do you do for yourself?

My questions are going somewhere but I need the info first.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

jodantheinvisibl said:


> Me and my wife have been married for almost 10 years. We have two beautiful kids/ 6 year old twins. Im an American and she's European and we live in Europe now. For a few years I've suspected that my wife has been unfaithful, however I have no proof nor has she admitted to anything.
> First of all This isn't your typical cry for help. I know, well at least I think I know what my options are, and what services there are for families who face problems like mine. I just want to share my story in hopes that someone out there cares or has felt the way I'm feeling now.
> My wife is very secretive, her phone and tablet are both locked. She gets upset when I try and use her device. She's happy and excited when she's on the phone with her coworkers and family but the opposite when she hangs the phone up. I try and complement her on being attractive and she says that my compliments aren't true. She pushes me away when I try and kiss her, she lays in the bed next to me and never once touched me but she'll spend hours on her phone, she has never (in almost 10 years) come on to me, I'm always the one to pursue her, when I visit her at work she says it's against company policy to hug or kiss someone in uniform (even though her coworkers do it). After years of this I started having irregular heart beats and was put on beta blockers due to stress. After I told her I was depressed about everything I mentioned above, she replied "I don't want you to feel that way because of me". That was a week ago and nothing has changed. Years ago I bought her a few sex toys, to help with some stress issues she was having. Lately I've suspected that she's been using them instead of making love to me... Is there a female out there who recognizes these signs my wife is displaying? Is there anyone out there who has experienced something like this?
> 
> ...


Have you spent much time apart? Why was that? She may feel that you are not being a leader in the family. Do you work? How do lead your family? You sound a little beta (sorry). Have you actually sat her down and talked with her about your marriage and where you want it to be?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

*Re: Advice from a wife would help*



jodantheinvisibl said:


> I'm a husband of a wife that is becoming less and less interested in our marriage. I could use some advice from someone who relates to her actions. I'm the type of husband that supports his wife in extreme measures. I'll take care of the kids and let her rest on a daily basis, I'll do the cleaning, I'll pick her up and take her wherever she needs to go (All of this is because she says she's stressed). But when I want to be close to her she pushes me away. I'm not allowed to look at her body(she walks around the house in nothing but underwear), I'm only allowed to kiss her when she initiates it (goodbye kisses).
> I've expressed to her that I need her attention and she says it makes her sad I feel that way, but after that conversation nothing changes. I recently have to go to the ER because I was having irregular heart beats due to stress and all she wanted to do to help me was fix me dinner. The next day we were back to normal. I told her I want to move out she didn't even care...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You sound very needy


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You sir, are a Mr Nice Guy doormat, and I believe your wife is cheating on you. Why will you not remove yourself from this miserable situation??


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