# New here, married 20 years husband rather watch porn than have sex with me



## Kelly:(

We've been married a long time. I was very young 18 didn't realize what love should really be between two people. We move from his parents place after 20 years of living there which I hated and it caused me much depression and anxiety. Early in the marriage I found an online sexting thread between him and some woman, he denied it said she was some crazy woman sending him these unprompted messages. I believed him. A couple years later I found an email he sent to some woman talking about how she should get laid. Sort of generic but inappropriate. I dismissed it having not seen any other emails afterwards. We talked about it I believed him and never looked into his emails or phone until this year. He cheated on me, no hard evidence, but enough circumstantial evidence and texts from him to two other women saying "I want you" is plain enough. Enough to say he doesn't love me and our marriage is dead. I've been working hard to try to improve our interactions and increase our intimacy but to no avail. He rather masturbate to porn than have sex with me even though through all of this I lost 35 lbs. he doesn't look me in the eye when he says I love you. I'm breaking apart my heart is broken. I feel so much pain and rejection. I don't know what else to do to save our marriage when he doesn't want to. I'm losing hope and my appetite more and more. :frown2::frown2::crying:


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## 225985

Kelly:( said:


> We've been married a long time. I was very young 18 didn't realize what love should really be between two people. We move from his parents place after 20 years of living there which I hated and it caused me much depression and anxiety.


Am I reading this right? You lived with his parents for 20 years? What was the circumstance that caused that? For 20 years you have been unhappy with the living arrangement and your husband should have addressed that long ago.

Does you husband communicate to you at all? What does he say when you bring up the issue of porn or lack of intimacy? 

You didn't indicate if you have kids. Are the kids keeping you in this marriage? Picture yourself in 5-10 years. If you knew nothing would change in that time, would you still want to remain married?

Your first priority is to focus on yourself. The weight loss and lack of appetite is a concern. Try to exercise every day, go for walks, meet with friends and become as independent as possible. This will prepare you for whatever is the outcome.


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## Evinrude58

Kelly:( said:


> We've been married a long time. I was very young 18 didn't realize what love should really be between two people. We move from his parents place after 20 years of living there which I hated and it caused me much depression and anxiety. Early in the marriage I found an online sexting thread between him and some woman, he denied it said she was some crazy woman sending him these unprompted messages. I believed him. A couple years later I found an email he sent to some woman talking about how she should get laid. Sort of generic but inappropriate. I dismissed it having not seen any other emails afterwards. We talked about it I believed him and never looked into his emails or phone until this year. He cheated on me, no hard evidence, but enough circumstantial evidence and texts from him to two other women saying "I want you" is plain enough. Enough to say he doesn't love me and our marriage is dead. I've been working hard to try to improve our interactions and increase our intimacy but to no avail. He rather masturbate to porn than have sex with me even though through all of this I lost 35 lbs. he doesn't look me in the eye when he says I love you. I'm breaking apart my heart is broken. I feel so much pain and rejection. I don't know what else to do to save our marriage when he doesn't want to. I'm losing hope and my appetite more and more. :frown2::frown2::crying:


Until coming here to TAM, I had no idea that people watched porn and would rather masturbate than have sex with their wives. It seems not that uncommon to me now. Let me say that most guys don't do that! You can do better than this man-boy who had you living with his parents for twenty years. He is doing you a big favor putting you in a situation that you are going to leave him. I know it's painful, but you should embrace this situation as a possibility that the Great Architect has other plans for your life.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, but hopeful that your life is heading in a better direction that you just can't see yet.


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## Kelly:(

Yes, I should have clarified that the living arrangements were renting an apartment in parents building 4 unit place. Tight quarters so to speak. Like actually living with them. Yes we have two kids. I felt like he wanted me to leave him by not listening to me and caring for my feelings. He does not communicate with me about his feelings unless it is angry feelings then I get an earful. I am concerned about my weight loss and will work on trying to do healthy activities for me. Thank you for your kind comments and suggestions.


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## Kelly:(

Hopefully my life will be heading in a better direction. Unfortunately I can't see that better life ahead...yet


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## lifeistooshort

I'm sorry if this is harsh but it seems like you've been burying your head in the sand for 20 years. No matter what he bull he throws you believe him or you forgive him. 

Do you really, or have you just not wanted to deal with it?

Your hb isn't into you, and your chasing and begging only makes you look unattractive. 

Doormats are not appealing or valued.

Try focusing on you and build a life without him. Your only real chance to get him back is for you to get rid of him and uproot his world. It's counterintuitive but usually the only way. 

Give him a chance to miss you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kelly:(

You are not being harsh. I've actually said to myself that I was burying my head in the sand all those years. Truth stings sometimes and it's far less painful than the day I opened my eyes. Yes I didn't want to believe it because we have young children. I have no family nowhere else to go. I'm at a cross roads. I have spent last 3 months working on our relationship with no reaction from him. Perhaps I'm impatient but the pain is far too unbearable. I don't want to be the door mat. I don't want to love him and receive rejection in turn. I either keep working on the marriage or time to walk away.


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