# Down In The Dumps



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I am down this afternoon after meeting with IC. It's not really anything tangible just that I know my stbxh is coming home in 2 days and I am worried that I will fall back in that pattern of hope. I am really scared, I don't want to go back because it was too painful.

I don't think I expect anything to have changed. The divorce more than likely will go through on the 19th of this month.

I am just really scared to fall back. I was feeling so much stronger with his presence gone from the house but we are stuck in the same house and there's not much you can do about that.

I wish I could find a job but I don't even know if I am staying in this town. 

I just needed to share my fear. I am going to a 12 step meeting in a bit and that always helps.

Do I have a lingering hope? Oh God I hope not. I have to remember the pain.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Well I think it's okay to have that fear because you are scared for all the right reasons. You know it isn't right for you. 

Remember how much pain hope has caused. 

I don't know how I would react if stbx walked into the room right now. I can't imagine having to be under the same roof. 
Everything would crumble before me. 

I think you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Definitely sparkes, you're doing really well. You post here and hash out feelings instead of running out and doing something crazy. I know how you feel about hope, although mine has totally fizzled out. It doesn't stop me from wanting to talk to him, though


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Thank you so much for your words of comfort and support. I am flipping out and this means I am projecting and not living in the day. If I keep the focus on what I am doing this minute then there would be no fear for 2 days hence.

That's what I must do for my sanity, keep the focus on myself and live in just this day.

What will be will be and I will turn it over to God because I can't handle it by myself.

Again, thank you and hugs to you both.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

nickiblue:
The prospects will be back in town this weekend so he expects to hear either way. It's between my house and another. Terrible market. 

My fingers are crossed. The funny thing is I don't know where I will end up if it does sell. Strange and scary time this.


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