# I dont know what to do



## unhappy* (Jul 30, 2012)

I have only been married for a little less than 2 years. I feel that I made a huge mistake getting married. 
Everything was great when my now husband and I were just dating and engaged. We got along and actually went on dates together and had fun. about a week before we got married my husband was laid off which was nothing new because he worked construction so he got laid off every winter. usually he would get called back to work after about 4 months. 
Well the wedding day came and we were supposed to go to Chicago for a mini honey moon since we couldn't afford anything big because the wedding pretty much took all our money. well after the wedding, my husband decided he no longer wanted to go to Chicago, he just wanted to go fishing. Really?!?! a new bride does not want to spend her entire week of vacation after getting married on fishing. well he wouldn't budge and i didn't want to fight already, so we spent the whole week ice fishing. I wasn't happy but someone had to compromise and I didn't want to spend my honey moon alone in Chicago because he was not going. A couple weeks later I was looking for his unemployment check stubs in because he wanted me to file his unemployment. Well I couldn't find them anywhere so I went out to his truck to look for them. I ended up finding court papers. He was sued for passed due medical bills the week before we go married and he never mentioned it to me. I didn't know anything about it and when i questioned him, He yelled at me and told me to quit snooping around in his truck. I was so mad and we argued for a very long time. I couldn't believe he would keep something like that from me. And i had no way of ever knowing this because he got his mail delivered to his mothers house. We had been living together for over 2 years and he still had his mail delivered to his moms for some reason. When i asked him to change his mailing address to our address, he would get mad and ask me why it mattered and that he wasn't going to change it. And that's where all the arguments began. 
4 months came and gone and he was called back to work but he ignored his bosses calls. He lied to me and told me that the company he worked for still didn't have any work and that he was going to be laid off a lot longer than he thought. well it was over 6 months and I asked again and he said the company was done and that they weren't going to be working anymore. He made it sound like they were out of business which was another lie. they were very much working but my husband just didn't feel like working there any more. I kept asking him when he was going to apply for a job because it was really hard on me. I was going to work every day and paying all the bills by myself and it was too much. He would make excuses like, I don't want to get a job until hunting season is over, or I don't want a job until ice fishing is over. Well its been a year and 6 months and he still doesn't have a job. He works for cash once in a while for one of his friends painting houses but he claims he doesn't know what his pay rate is or when his pay days are. When I ask him for money for bills, he just says he hasn't gotten paid yet and when he tells me he gets paid, he says he only got $250 for the entire month so he never has money to give me. He doesn't pay his bills. He smokes pot all the time and he wont get a normal job. I'm so sick of it and I have given him ultimatums that if he didn't have a job in 2 months, we were done. well he doesn't care much because since he first got laid off, he hasn't applied to one job. It makes me sick. I basically cant stand him and my entire family hates him because he is so lazy. We ended up having to move out of the house we were renting and move into my fathers house because I could no longer afford rent all by myself. I am 26 and he is 36 and we are living in my dads house. how depressing. Ive been on my own since i was 17 and now that i'm 26 and i'm back to living at my dads house. Now i am busting my butt trying to find a better paying job so I can do it all alone but its not very easy. My husband had horrible credit when we got married and it wrecked mine. I now need a new car and there isn't a bank that will give me a loan. I don't know what i'm going to do. If I want a new car, I have to have my dad take the loan out and I then pay him the payment. I will never own my own home. I will never have anything. It feels like my life is ruined and I just want to be single again. my husband and I never do anything together anyway. we never go out to eat or go to movies. He will never do anything that I want to do because he says its stupid so I'm the one who always has to compromise and do what he wants so I'm always miserable. I'm depressed and I want out but I don't have the courage. I don't want to be married to him but I know he has no where to go and he doesn't have any money. If I could leave I would but since it's my dad's house, He's the one that has to leave. I've told him plenty of times to get out and that I didn't want him here any more but he wont go. He just tells me to shut up and that I'm talking dumb. He doesn't do anything around the house. He doesn't spend any time with me and he lies to me all the time. He wont stop smoking pot or get a real job. i've asked him to go to counseling with me, but he wont. I just want to get a divorce and move on with my life so I can someday own my own home and possibly have children with someone who cares and is responsible and has a job and doesn't do drugs.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I'm sorry this is happening to you. however some of the same advice about dealing with infidelity can apply here. You have to let him know you are serious. File for divorce and have him served. Set very specific boundaries like the pot for instance. it doesn't sound like he can smoke recreationally and still function. he sounds like a toxic person. Very lazy, mooching off everyone and doing bare minimum. How is he paying for the pot? If you are then your enabling the behavior. Any 36 year old man that can do no better than staying high and living at his father in laws house just doesn't sound like marriage material to me. If you haven't had kids with him please don't start now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unhappy* (Jul 30, 2012)

Yes he is a very toxic person. He cant go a full day let alone a few hours without smoking pot. And you know, I honestly wouldn't care so much if it was just recreationally, but its every day at least 6 to 10 times a day. I don't give him money for the weed, but his mother does. He's 36 and he still borrows money from his mom on a weekly basis and its usually for pot. He never pays her back any money that he borrows either. He helps one of his friends out painting houses for cash once in a great while. He works maybe 1 day a week and I honestly think that part of his wages are in marijuana. It sounds silly but I don't know why else he'd always have pot but not money. And the friend he works for smokes all the time and he sells it.


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