# what men are thinking



## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

This question stems from a conversation that I recently had with my wife of 12 years. We were talking about men and how we look at other women. I explained to her that basically every single man out there "checks out" pretty much every remotely attractive woman that he comes across. It is just the way that we are. She disagreed with me. I think that she and many other women are naive in this regard.

I'm not saying that we as men want to necessarily sleep with every woman we come across by any stretch. I'm not a cheater and never will be. I'm Just saying that it is in our nature to size up, measure physical attractiveness, and to a certain degree ogle most women we come across. I guess you could characterize it as ogling without the pretense of actually acting upon the urge to approach etc.

Are most women aware of this male characteristic?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Doubtful.

Personally, I wouldn't label it as 'checking out' other women, as that seems to imply that there is a sexual characteristic to it IMO. I think it's similar to look over a fine piece of art. There's no sexual attraction, but you still feel the need to rest your gaze on a beautiful body for a moment, even if just to admire God's handy work.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm with kingsfan. check out is probably too strong a term for what I do. But I certainly "notice" good looking women. And a short skirt will sometimes raise my temperature. But to be honest, most times that happens I'm actually thinking "I wish my wife would wear a skirt like that" and not "I'd like to have that woman".


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

RevsDad said:


> This question stems from a conversation that I recently had with my wife of 12 years. We were talking about men and how we look at other women. I explained to her that basically every single man out there "checks out" pretty much every remotely attractive woman that he comes across. It is just the way that we are. She disagreed with me. I think that she and many other women are naive in this regard.
> 
> I'm not saying that we as men want to necessarily sleep with every woman we come across by any stretch. I'm not a cheater and never will be. I'm Just saying that it is in our nature to size up, measure physical attractiveness, and to a certain degree ogle most women we come across. I guess you could characterize it as ogling without the pretense of actually acting upon the urge to approach etc.
> 
> *Are most women aware of this male characteristic?*


Painfully so...are most men aware that this characteristic bothers most women? Particularly when it appears to be uncontrollable?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Yep. I don't know how many times I've seen a woman wear these 'hooker boots' (high heel boots that go up to the knee) that my SO used to wear when we first met and I think to myself 'Man, I wish she'd wear those again. I miss those.'


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Doubtful.
> 
> Personally, I wouldn't label it as 'checking out' other women, as that seems to imply that there is a sexual characteristic to it IMO. I think it's similar to look over a fine piece of art. There's no sexual attraction, but you still feel the need to rest your gaze on a beautiful body for a moment, even if just to admire God's handy work.


That's exactly what I meant to say. You just phrased it much better than I did. Like I said this comes from a recent conversation with my wife. She is an upper level manager of a successful large company and manages upwards of 50 employees directly...95% of which are men. And many of them are younger than she is and are unmarried guys in the 25-35 age group. She is a tall attractive woman who is, shall I say "well endowed". I told her that I guarantee her that most of her subordinates at the very least have looked her over, checked her out, or even conversed about her breasts in a semi sexual manner. I was surprised that she didn't think that this occurs.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

So I assume she's in her roughly mid-30's (or older) and is just now realizing men look at, talk about and dedicate at times unhealthy amounts of time to oogling of breasts? Has she been living under a rock?

If so, tell her I have some beautiful oceanfront property in Nebraska to sell her.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My wife and I went out to lunch yesterday to a little sub shop in town. Our waitress was probably 50 lbs overweight. But all the weight was in her boobs and her butt. She had on this hot dress and the way she walked it was like she was saying she knew she was hot and flaunting it. Like I said, she was a bit heavy, but the dress and the confidence was really out there and I stared a little when she was walking away. My wife's like "um, you can close your mouth now". lol


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

the well manered man can do this without causing a scene. This should NOT be something your wife sees. No, no, no. If you get bagged - you were doing it wrong.










guys look when you are not looking. Its stupid.

If you are thinking 'was he checking her out when I wasnt looking'. Yep.. he was.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> ..My wife's like "um, you can close your mouth now". lol


*busted. *

laugh. That is sooo funny.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Was at a supermarket recently with the wife. At one of the other check out desks was this young woman, absolutely gorgeous figure, dressed in a red and white striped mini dress, with matching red and white striped socks. Sounds a bit like a fashion faux pas I know but she carried it off superbly.
Now I love my wife always have done and always will and have never even wanted to be unfaithful to her.
But suddenly out the blue a vision of this young woman with her legs wrapped around me and those socks drumming on my back just popped into my head.
To be honest I did sort of feel I had let down my wife but it literally popped into my head unbidden.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Driving with my wife a lady walking her dog crosses in front us. 

Me: What a cute puppy
She: You notice the dog and not the hot chick walking it????
Me: Notice, yes, comment on it with you in the car, no


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> I explained to her that basically every single man out there "checks out" pretty much every remotely attractive woman that he comes across.


Yikes... That's a minefield mate... Soon you'll be saying all men in relationships do it too (only in a much more discrete and trained manner) and you're in it deep 

BTW, let me preemptive strike this and say, before some lady comes and swears by all that is sacred that her husband doesn't do this because *he told her so*, don't worry, if he respects you enough to disguise it and lie about it you really have nothing to worry about. Remember, you check guys too and don't you lie about it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am very aware -since I have read so much about Testosterone's effects on the brain, talked deeply with my husband who never has to shield the truth from me....that would only pi$$ me off... and well... even I am similar to a man... I notice the opposite sex too... 

Because my husband has never been disrespectful to me in these things, not for a day -other than looking at some porn when I was a little too conservative minded & caused him some grief over it taping scriptures to his computer screen when I found this (funny looking back :rofl....

I just am no longer bothered, we are in a better place -since we have opened up sexually with each other ...on all levels. 

I feel it just shows we are not dead and we're in touch with our sexuality...we all have a little fantasy dancing in the brain in a moment.... I'd never want any of those men, and he would never want any of those women....it is fleeting, nano seconds.. 

So many threads on this subject on TAM - this being the longest I believe...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/24519-way-men-really-think.html

Page 12.... I felt Unbelievable explained it best....another man's view >>>


> I have already said that fixating on a woman (ie, imaging an actual sex act with her or fantasizing about her stripping) is a bit creepy and, of course, that is a choice. My point is that there is an immediate "yes", "no", "Maybe if I was drunk" sort of selection going on for the briefest of nanoseconds in every male brain (at least the straight ones).
> 
> Having been male for nearly 50 years, I have been "listening" to "yep", "nope", "no way in hell", etc every day for at least 40 years. Of the thousands of guys I have worked and lived closely with, they all seem to have the same thing going on. Naturally, only a creton would attempt to act on those thoughts and one would be sort of a perv to dwell on the subject and create disgusting mental scenarios.
> 
> I'm a Christian and I'm married. Neither experience rendered me blind or oblivious to my surroundings. The OP asked how men thought and I've given the most honest answer I can.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I was walking through the Louvre one day and it suddenly occurred to me that religious iconography aside, almost all western art 1500-1900 consists of 

Food
War
Naked Women

Draw your own conclusions from that.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

As a guy I sure like to think that women are doing the same thing. I know that when I am walking around somewhere in public I am wondering which women might check me out. Of course I know it depends on what I am wearing and how I am carrying myself, but some days I know I look good and think they have to notice. I also love looking for other guys facial expressions when a hot woman walks by. A quick eye brow raise is a simple symbol to one another that you weren't the only one to notice that.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Was golfing yesterday. Myself (almost 50) and a couple of guys in their 60's. Everyone of us has been married over 20 years.

There is a 'snack booth' where you can buy beer, hotdogs, etc. One of the guys bought a beer and mentioned we should all get something. So we took turns going up to the shack to see the 20 something blonde with the low cut black sweater on. Plenty of cleavage. Very attractive girl.

All round we are making comments about this girl. The bar cart girl was not near as 'exposed'. We stopped at the shack at the beginning, after nine holes and again at the end. It was always busy. I am guessing the bar cart girl didn't do a bunch of business.

I really didn't need that chocolate bar at the end of the round. But it was worth the $2.

Who is worse, all the guys paying her attention or her for wearing the low cut blouse?


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

When I am in a commited relationship. It is something I rarely do if at all. Now that I am going through a divorce. I do not feel morally obligated anymore. Lots of men though are not capable of this. You are right though. If your wife looks as you say then it most certainly is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Believe me...if she's tall, attractive and well endowed...the guys at her workplace have noticed. 

Some, by no means all, have probably had inappropriate discussions amongst themselves and some may even have masturbated to her image. 

I think all men notice attractive women who cross their line of vision. Of course a gentleman is going to make a point of not being obvious, particularly in the presence of his spouse.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Was golfing yesterday. Myself (almost 50) and a couple of guys in their 60's. Everyone of us has been married over 20 years.
> 
> There is a 'snack booth' where you can buy beer, hotdogs, etc. One of the guys bought a beer and mentioned we should all get something. So we took turns going up to the shack to see the 20 something blonde with the low cut black sweater on. Plenty of cleavage. Very attractive girl.
> 
> ...


My sister used to work the beer cart at a high end golf course. She was smart enough to realize the more cleavage the higher the tips.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My working theory is that the women who actively avoid attention don't like the ones who actively seek it. And the get mad at their man when he falls for it cause they know exactly what's happening.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

hope4family said:


> When I am in a commited relationship. It is something I rarely do if at all. Now that I am going through a divorce. I do not feel morally obligated anymore. Lots of men though are not capable of this. You are right though. If your wife looks as you say then it most certainly is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I don't think it has to do with being in a committed relationship. Most everyone appreciates attractive people. 

"Its OK to look at the menu as long as you eat at home."

The difference is in a committed relationship, you just take a look. If you are unattached or looking to cheat, you chat it up, flirt, ask for a number, etc.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

It's nearly impossible to not look at another woman when I'm alone. And I'm not doing it because I want to hit on her, try and pick her up and cheat. I have no shot in the world even if I wanted to; that's not the agenda. 

It's the mere fact that guys are always horny and looking for more mind stimulation. It makes your day when you're in a store and some hot piece is prancing around with everything hanging out. It has nothing to do with trying to bang her. 

When I'm with my wife and some mint lady happens by, I have to consciously keep myself from staring at her. And I mean no disrespect to my wife. It's kind of hard to explain but I'm sure many if not all guys can relate. 

And I would certainly get pissed if I saw my wife staring at some other guy. So I get that is a stupid thing to do to her.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

CandieGirl said:


> Painfully so...are most men aware that this characteristic bothers most women? Particularly when it appears to be uncontrollable?


Since it is uncontrollable, why get bothered? You may as well get bothered at water for being wet. It's just the way of the world.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I remember the feeling of GETTING checked out when my wife and I lived in the Castro District in San Francisco. She was offended if it happened when we were walking together. She'd say, "It's like I don't even exist!" Then she'd put her arm through mine.

Didn't help.


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## relate (Sep 8, 2012)

If she was walking by at the same time I had an opportunity to check myself out in a full length mirror, mirror wins. :smthumbup:


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Was golfing yesterday. Myself (almost 50) and a couple of guys in their 60's. Everyone of us has been married over 20 years.
> 
> There is a 'snack booth' where you can buy beer, hotdogs, etc. One of the guys bought a beer and mentioned we should all get something. So we took turns going up to the shack to see the 20 something blonde with the low cut black sweater on. Plenty of cleavage. Very attractive girl.
> 
> ...


Why does there have to be a worse? Sounds like a winning round for everyone.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

kingsfan said:


> Why does there have to be a worse? Sounds like a winning round for everyone.


I agree!!!!

Its all good!!!


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

40isthenew20 said:


> When I'm with my wife and some mint lady happens by, I have to consciously keep myself from staring at her. And I mean no disrespect to my wife. It's kind of hard to explain but I'm sure many if not all guys can relate.


:iagree:

Im not letting women totally off the hook here though. They can be just as bad - *its just that they are sneaky.* Plus, they care more about getting caught. I know women that spend all their time avoiding eye contact with guys.... its a totally different thing.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

I thought it was just human nature, pretty much every girlfriend I know checks out and comments on fit men when there partners not around.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I don't think it has to do with being in a committed relationship. Most everyone appreciates attractive people.
> 
> *"Its OK to look at the menu as long as you eat at home."*
> 
> The difference is in a committed relationship, you just take a look. If you are unattached or looking to cheat, you chat it up, flirt, ask for a number, etc.


I'm not admitting perfection. I just don't agree with that general line of thinking. Call me silly, old fashioned, chivalrous or just not a realist. This is typically not a problem with me. 

If you feel that way, then it's cool. I think getting back to the original post. Almost all men are going to at least look, another large portion will talk to other men, followed by a lower portion that mentally take it home to their spare time.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Since it is uncontrollable, why get bothered? You may as well get bothered at water for being wet. It's just the way of the world.


I don't know, you'd have to ask a woman who gets bothered by this. I happen to be one of those chicks who gets 'ogled' by men when they're out with their wives. Maybe you should ask one of them? That's the way it is in my world. 

BTW, I always love answering your smart arsed comments.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

It doesn't bother me, nothing I love more than walking past a building site in the summer and seeing lots of 25 year old eastern european builders with their tops off


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Stewie: I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her.... Whew! who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Stewie: I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her.... Whew! who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk...


haha

I went to a concert with my son and his girlfriend and her dad on Saturday. It was a rock concert with lots of rocker chicks. We saw a young woman in spandex who clearly should not have been wearing spandex. So I made a comment that spandex is a privilege, not a right. Then for the rest of the night we all pointed out women saying you can wear spandex.....no spandex for you....ok for you....no spandex for you ever....


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Guys look. And so do women. And almost all will talk about a hot looking person of the opposite sex if they feel "secure" (i.e. the S/O isn't around). I could care less if my W looks. She's "alive" and that's good. I look too. But, as many have said, it shouldn't be done in a way to be disrespectful to the spouse. Which means sometimes you can't look at all!

My W once asked if I "looked". I laughed and said "of course...who wouldn't". I know her and every other woman I know look as well. 

Funny, sometimes she doesn't realize how much she's looked at by men. She's not the most aware person when it comes to her surroundings. But, like last weekend, we went out, and she was looking exceptionally hot, and I could see guys looking slyly as we walked down the street. Some women just don't know how much they get looked at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why should women care? Just be discrete and no harm no foul. Dang.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

donny64 said:


> Funny, sometimes she doesn't realize how much she's looked at by men. She's not the most aware person when it comes to her surroundings. But, like last weekend, we went out, and she was looking exceptionally hot, and I could see guys looking slyly as we walked down the street. Some women just don't know how much they get looked at.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband sometimes tells me when guys look. He likes when they look. He said he feels like saying, "Hell yea! and I get to have sex with her!" lol. He said he'll worry when men STOP looking at me. Uh oh


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> haha
> 
> I went to a concert with my son and his girlfriend and her dad on Saturday. It was a rock concert with lots of rocker chicks. We saw a young woman in spandex who clearly should not have been wearing spandex. So I made a comment that spandex is a privilege, not a right. Then for the rest of the night we all pointed out women saying you can wear spandex.....no spandex for you....ok for you....no spandex for you ever....


my husband and i do this all the time....we also do the stewie....we are awful people.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> my husband and i do this all the time....we also do the stewie....we are awful people.


Panda YOU may wear spandex. Lol.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i think we all look. we look for different reasons, such as, when i see a cute or fall down hot chick, im looking at her shoes, or dress, im watching the way she walks, or carries herself.

i look to see if other guys are looking, if other women are looking, and if no one is checking her out, i ask my husband why no one is checking out this cute girl.

i also look to see new clothes, or shoes, and i wonder where she bough them from, how much, and can i pull it off. sometimes my husband will do the same.

of course we still put people into catigories such as "doable", "not doable", "if i was drunk", "not if that was the last person on the planet", and so on. we dont talk about the ones we would "do", just the ones we wont.

im sure we both had a brian griffin moment...."no, i would wreck that chick/dude". dosent mean either of us would/will. we know this guy, hes nice, and we converse with him often enough...so the thought just popped in my head..."i would wreck him"...outta nowhere. i had to think about something else so i wouldnt laugh at a wrong time.

a few years ago, i was outside my kids school, and it was pick out time...well there was this younger, hotter, (you know the group, PCD--well nicole something or other) but her...i was staring at her just as much as the guys were, i hope my mouth was shut....lol.

she was there with a few family members, and couldnt care less about the guys falling all over themselves to catch her line of vision. i mean her exact younger, way hotter twin, exact complextion, exact hair, not as tall, same body type....

i was like "daaaaammmmnn!!!!" not out loud, then i shook my head, laughed, and asked my husband if he say her..no, what chick...all i saw was a bunch of germ infested kids--too funny.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Panda YOU may wear spandex. Lol.


lol....thanks....:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

that_girl said:


> My husband sometimes tells me when guys look. He likes when they look. He said he feels like saying, "Hell yea! and I get to have sex with her!" lol. He said he'll worry when men STOP looking at me. Uh oh


My husband will point out the guys he catches checking me out... he gets a great charge out of this... He'll explain their expression to me & everything....last time.... this dude was reading something -up to his face......my husband was a few strides in back of me....so he got to see him peeping over his paper doing a nice turn of the head following my gaze....not realizing my husband was checking him out ! Ha ha 

It is just our way. 




> *donny64 said*: Guys look. And so do women. And almost all will talk about a hot looking person of the opposite sex if they feel "secure" (i.e. the S/O isn't around). I could care less if my W looks. She's "alive" and that's good. I look too. But, as many have said, it shouldn't be done in a way to be disrespectful to the spouse. Which means sometimes you can't look at all!


 We are very open with each other, I know exactly what HE appreciates in beauty....thin brunettes /natural boobs, no tatoos.....I will even point out the chicks, he knows what I like >> long haired bare chested Rock star types, throw a guitar around his neck ... I'd do a double take. I did that once on a walking trail....couple yrs back now......this young blonde Axel Rose type with a red bandana walked past with his GF....Oh my oh my....I'm old enough to be his mother but ....HOT HOT HOT ... after he passed, I started walking back towards that waterfall - we just came from...my husband just :rofl: at me... he knew what I was doing. 

Now some may call this disrespectful.. but it's not TO US... We know how we feel about each other.. overload there.. .. we're just a little OUT THERE in the openness bar -compared to the norm...

....Right after that....I pulled him close, grabbed his butt -kissed him & told him he was the only man for me. I am sure I also mumbled something about that dude was good looking but likely a druggie & well, I'd never want that! Then he lets me know he was checking out his Girlfriend, I just laughed and told him - she was oblivious to me- then asked what she looked like. We have fun with it .... I can say anything to my husband that I would to a GF ... and he too, can speak any way with me -that he would around the guys... 

Strange as it may be to some... we wouldn't want it any other way.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am a woman and it does not bother me.

To clarify though, when I was with my ex it used to piss me off as we weren't having sex and he did not look at me like that.

My current partner does it and it does not phase me at all. The difference is that we have a rocking sex life and he does look at me like that. I catch him sneaking a perve when I am in the kitchen doing whatever, when I walk past him, any old time. 
I feel secure with him so when he looks at others it is not an issue. 

Oh and men, don't think your wives are not looking at other men as well. Yes being visual is not a male dominate domain.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

RevsDad said:


> This question stems from a conversation that I recently had with my wife of 12 years. We were talking about men and how we look at other women. I explained to her that basically every single man out there "checks out" pretty much every remotely attractive woman that he comes across. It is just the way that we are. She disagreed with me. I think that she and many other women are naive in this regard.
> 
> I'm not saying that we as men want to necessarily sleep with every woman we come across by any stretch. I'm not a cheater and never will be. I'm Just saying that it is in our nature to size up, measure physical attractiveness, and to a certain degree ogle most women we come across. I guess you could characterize it as ogling without the pretense of actually acting upon the urge to approach etc.
> 
> Are most women aware of this male characteristic?


absolutely...and women do the same thing. not sure why so many men think this is a trait exclusive to the male gender. :scratchhead:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Oh come on, women perv more on women then men. -.-

Especially the missus, who still claims she's not bi-sexual


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Oh come on, women perv more on women then men. -.-
> 
> Especially the missus, who still claims she's not bi-sexual


LOL...my wife is the same way. She adamently says (and has for the entire 14 years I have known her) that she is not interested in women whatsoever. Yet on the other hand she checks out other women all the time. And to further muddy the waters she has told me that she gets aroused by lesbian porn (not that we watch porn very often). She claims that it isn't the lesbian sex that arouses her, but the fact that attractive women are relaxed and enjoying themselves sexually. But yeah..she isn't interested whatsoever in women... :scratchhead:

But alas I guess that is a topic for another thread.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Tell me about it! My wife herself has also had experiences with women too, and told me she enjoyed it! Yet she is apparently "not bi" lol

Now, if a bloke does that, he'll DEFINITELY be gay/bi. But not women... why? :rofl:
Sorry, hijack >.<!


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Only time I notice women is if she's wearing a kick *ss pair of shoes im plotting to steal lol


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Holland said:


> My current partner does it and it does not phase me at all. The difference is that we have a rocking sex life and he does look at me like that. I catch him sneaking a perve when I am in the kitchen doing whatever, when I walk past him, any old time.
> I feel secure with him so when he looks at others it is not an issue.


 This *is* it right here, isn't it. So long as one feels this coming from their lover/ husband/ wife......their eyes oogling on them within their own homes where noone sees...always a spirit of Play/ a little flirting / passion flowing between them...a little of this out & about too...this revs our attitudes.....as it should be...in fact NEEDS TO BE in every marriage. If this has slipped somewhere, it needs to be chased down & found again. 


THIS gives us that assurance of being his or her's "'*one & only*"







...when we feel this... there is a security underneath ...that we can never be replaced, he is our #1 fan/ smitten ...in reality...it just wouldn't matter if the hottest swim suit babe is sitting across us in a restaurant... or Ryan Gosling walks past the wives.

It's still us they want at the end of the day, in bed, in their







- it's the whole package ~ this is what fullfills us. 

But yet.... we're not dead... so we notice the opposite sex.



> *RandomDude said*: Oh come on, women perv more on women then men. -.-
> 
> Especially the missus, who still claims she's not bi-sexual


Sorry Random Dude, not I... I will notice how a woman carries herself, her outfit, her shoes, sizing her up - I'd think we all do that to some extent....kinda automatic...... but being BI... never in a day... I am repulsed seeing 2 women together...where is the skip button on the remote!! ....not my thing.


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## MrVanilla (Apr 24, 2012)

RevsDad said:


> I explained to her that basically every single man out there "checks out" pretty much every remotely attractive woman that he comes across. It is just the way that we are. She disagreed with me. I think that she and many other women are naive in this regard.


She's right. 

I'm 52 now, and I stopped looking at women 'below the neck' when I was 19. (I found that doing so caused more anxiety than it was worth). What I found since is that a woman is not attractive to me unless she has an appealing personality, and brain that she knows how to use.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> haha
> 
> I went to a concert with my son and his girlfriend and her dad on Saturday. It was a rock concert with lots of rocker chicks. We saw a young woman in spandex who clearly should not have been wearing spandex. So I made a comment that spandex is a privilege, not a right. Then for the rest of the night we all pointed out women saying you can wear spandex.....no spandex for you....ok for you....no spandex for you ever....


I notice this too. It makes me wonder what they're seeing when they look at themselves in the mirror.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

donny64 said:


> Guys look. And so do women. And almost all will talk about a hot looking person of the opposite sex if they feel "secure" (i.e. the S/O isn't around). I could care less if my W looks. She's "alive" and that's good. I look too. But, as many have said, it shouldn't be done in a way to be disrespectful to the spouse. Which means sometimes you can't look at all!


I've tried to build up an understanding with my SO on this topic.

Frankly, I don't care if she looks at other men...just don't tell me who you think is hot.

I'm a bit insecure. I think it stems from being cheated on over and over again in my first marriage. So I have a self-esteem issue. So I find when my SO says 'He's a good looking man,' or 'I think he's hot' it bothers me because it makes me think 'If you think he's good looking, wtf do you find at all attractive about me?' 

I know there's a difference, just like what SimplyAmourous was talking about. That said though, I haven't been able to overcome that issue. So I've told her that if she wants to look, fine, that's ok and I know we all do it, just don't tell me if you find someone hot (unless I happen to ask, which is very rare). Just keep it to yourself.

Her on the other hand, it doesn't bother her if I mention if someone is hot or not. I'd never do this at the start of our relationship (I'd have gotten my head bit off by my ex for pointing out good looking women), but now I do on occassion. i know it doesn't bother her, and she's admitted to looking at other women herself, so I know I can point out women to her. I just don't very often because I don't think it's fair for me to ask her not to point out good looking men, then turn around and say 'She's hot... she's hot...check out the rack on her...I'd destroy her, rebuild her and destroy her again...She's hot...etc.' lol.



MaritimeGuy said:


> I notice this too. It makes me wonder what they're seeing when they look at themselves in the mirror.


Sometimes I think those women have a mirror that came from that funny mirror house at the circus.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

It starts early.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I'm a bit insecure. I think it stems from being cheated on over and over again in my first marriage. So I have a self-esteem issue. So I find when my SO says 'He's a good looking man,' or 'I think he's hot' it bothers me because it makes me think 'If you think he's good looking, wtf do you find at all attractive about me?'


You could look at it if she's telling you she obviously has no intention of acting on it.


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## SandyLady80 (Sep 14, 2012)

When I was 21, I worked with a 40 year old married man that took me under his wing and taught me the profession I'm now in. He also taught me how to dress. "Why are you wearing THAT?" He shared his philosophies with me, and he also taught me a few things about guys.

He explained this concept to me in detail. He said women were works of art. "I love my wife. I would never cheat on her, but every woman is a piece of art, and every man will always look. That's just the way it is." 

Since he explained it to me, I have never felt threatened or bothered by it. I think it's kind of cute. In fact, when my husband doesn't notice a hot chick, I wonder what's wrong with him. When guys don't notice me, I get annoyed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Oh that picture AnotherGuy !











> *SandyLady80 said:*
> Since he explained it to me, I have never felt threatened or bothered by it. I think it's kind of cute. In fact, when my husband doesn't notice a hot chick, I wonder what's wrong with him.


 I know the day my husband looses this...IS the day I will be scheduling an appointment for his Testosterone to be checked again - roll up your sleeves honey.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Of course women know! They totally know that guys look, ogle, judge, etc..we learned very quickly at a pretty young age that we are going to be looked at & stared st, etc..to an extent, we become immune to it..
Or we might say we don't notice it just to make light out of what could be a big deal to some guys.

Just like guys say they didn't notice a hot woman to avoid a possible unnecessary tiff with the wife.
Of course we notice guys too..it's not a big deal.

However what DOES bug me, A LOT... When I am out somewhere, I see a husband & wife together, he goes ahead, looks me up & down with her right there.
CANNOT stand that!!!! I HATE that, it looks so disrespectful, rude & inconsiderate toward his wife. 
And men do this often! Women in my position, see that & feel bad for the man's wife. Maybe not all women feel bad but I do & all my friends will concur.

So guys, suck it up sometimes- it's just a damn woman- big frickin whoop. 
The respect & care you show to your wives by being considerate of HER feelings FAAAAAAAR outweighs the little stupid thrill you may get from seeing another attractive woman at that moment.

There is a quote I LOVE that comes from David Robinson, the MVP center for the San Antonio Spurs, (in the 90's..)
When asked how he handles all the intense temptations around him, he states: "If any woman is going to get her feelings hurt, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE MY WIFE'S."

 That's a man I'd do anything for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Ps...As the other woman being 'visually memory banked,' I can & so can most women, tell that he's trying to be discreet & not let his wife notice- but she notices anyway..even if she doesn't say anything, she is aware if what you're doing..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think the blatant staring and "checking out" other women is much more likely with a man who is starving for attention, affection and sex. I'm much more susceptible to looking a a pretty face or a nice body if I'm feeling neglected.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

If that's true for most men, then there are a lot of neglected men out there! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> You could look at it if she's telling you she obviously has no intention of acting on it.


Oh, I know she wouldn't act on it. If I even had a small doubt about that, then her looking at other men would be way down my list of issues and 'Why am I even with this women' reaching the top pretty quickly.

I know she looks just to look and nothing else, which is why I've told her I don't mind her looking. I just don't want to be told who is hot because I'll start to instinctively compare myself to him, and that's not good for my self-esteem. It's my own problem, not hers, I fully admit that, but it's something I've tried to get over and just can't so I find it best if she just looks but doesn't say anything about the guy with the nice ass. 



WorkingOnMe said:


> I think the blatant staring and "checking out" other women is much more likely with a man who is starving for attention, affection and sex. I'm much more susceptible to looking a a pretty face or a nice body if I'm feeling neglected.


Yep. I still look now, but I looked a LOT more when I was with my ex-wife. I think you look more because you start to wonder 'what could I have if I was single' while when you're in a happier relationship you don't care what you could have, you're fine with what you got.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

karma*girl said:


> Ps...As the other woman being 'visually memory banked,' I can & so can most women, tell that he's trying to be discreet & not let his wife notice- but she notices anyway..even if she doesn't say anything, she is aware if what you're doing..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oh yea....we know every time a mental picture is being taken of our legs or hair, or ass.....yes we know....lol


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I was walking through the Louvre one day and it suddenly occurred to me that religious iconography aside, almost all western art 1500-1900 consists of
> 
> Food
> War
> ...


Ahhh.... the finer things in life. :smthumbup:

And YES I look. If I miss one my wife will point her out. But I have a similar viewpoint as Kingsfan. I can appreciate a beautiful woman, I can appreciate and enjoy her sensuality, her degree of sexiness without out wanting to have sex with her. My wife is perfectly suited to me. I don't want sex with any other woman.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

I had conversation with my wife about this last night. She had caught me a few times oogling other woman in her presence, and she felt hurt. I told her I knew about her checking out other. She did it like this, she would linger her gaze on the guy for 3-4 seconds, then move her gaze somewhere else, sometimes at me, before she gazed back at the target, she did this a few times. And she admitted that she did it, as I also pointed out a few guys I knew she had check out.
She found tall guy with broad shoulder, big arms, and side whiskers sexy. Damn, I'm tall, slim, and bald... (She did said she consider me sexy when I'm on top of her... lol)
And she never did realized that sometimes other guys did check her out too. I pointed out to her those times when I noticed some guys had been checking out on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ohiodude (Jan 25, 2012)

Oogling? It sounds better if we call it "appreciating."
; )


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm with kingsfan. check out is probably too strong a term for what I do. But I certainly "notice" good looking women. And a short skirt will sometimes raise my temperature. But to be honest, most times that happens I'm actually thinking "I wish my wife would wear a skirt like that" and not "I'd like to have that woman".


Working on Me, You nailed it on the head with that response. I do notice other women...but my mind "reverts" back to my wife. If another woman is wearing something sexy...I might even compliment them by asking...where did you get that gorgeous skirt? It looks great on you, and my wife would look fantastic in it as well.

I have always found this appproach to be very well received. Women are practical, and will help me whenever I ask like this. They like my sincere compliments and don't feel threatened by them...Women like to be noticed...and I do notice the details....as my name says!


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

I think it's much like walking through a bakery and enjoying the smells, it just gives me a pleasurable feeling, but I'm not typically thinking about infidelity in any manner.


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## smilinatu (Jan 9, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> It doesn't bother me, nothing I love more than walking past a building site in the summer and seeing lots of 25 year old eastern european builders with their tops off


I think I'm in love with you.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

I guess every man would appreciate an attractive and sexy woman but key thing is that it's done discreetly and respectfully. Our wives are not oblivious to a very pretty woman with large boobs in the same room as we are in ....... who knows perhaps she's even " checking " her out too


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