# The In-Laws



## KaleBonilla212 (Jul 7, 2013)

I could use some help. Majorly.

So, my brother in law and mother in law were living with my husband and I. For some reasons I don't really think need mentioning. Anyway, I was letting my Mother in law live with us. Then she decides its perfectly okay to let her other son move in with us. She didn't even ask me if it was okay. She just said he was. (Problem one) Then she was being a total jerk when I had a problem with it and voiced my issues with what she did. 

(Problem two) She makes my house a total mess and makes it out to be my fault. As if this wasn't bad enough she makes us pay her $400/mo for all sorts of things that we don't even use or ask her for. Even though she hit two huge axis deer in our car and never paid for damages.

(Problem three) She has my husband so obedient that it makes me sick. I don't even think they cut the umbilical cord. He does everything she says. Which yeah that's great and all but seriously? I'm his WIFE. He should here me out occasionally and care what I have to say. She encourages him to ignore what I say. Then when I have an issue she says "Of course, he listens to me I'm his Mother." In a snooty attitude. 

(Problem four) She and my Brother in law treat me like crap. They act like its this huge deal to speak with me. I try to talk to them all the time and they act like I'm scum. It hurts me so much and it just sucks. I don't understand any of this.

I can't handle this anymore. I'm even considering divorcing my husband to get away from them. I'm so miserable. I feel like an outcast in my own home. It sucks because she does whatever she wants whenever she wants with my things. And I hate how I have to put up with it for my daughter and husband. I don't have any desire to be a part of this family any longer. I spend most of my days either crying or hiding in my room, the only place I can feel comfortable in. They make me so miserable.

Please someone help me..


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## MrsLadyWriter (May 21, 2013)

Do you have someone (a family member on your side or a good friend) where you can go with your daughter for a few days? If so, then I would maybe suggest you get your husband alone and very calmly explain that you are leaving and why. Detail it very calmly and evenly so he knows you are serious. Then tell him that you will only consider coming back if things change. Your MIL and BIL need to go. Maybe the $400 a month she charges you could go towards helping pay for a small apartment nearby for them. That way they'd be close enough for your husband to keep an eye on her and visit should he choose to do so. Your contact with them would be severely limited.

Then follow through. If you tell him MIL can visit but only if she calls first, then stick with it. If she shows up without calling she must understand she'll be thanked but will not be allowed past the front door.

Let your husband know he needs to grow a set where his mother is concerned or he can start writing child support and alimony checks.

Good luck and you're in my prayers.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Wife comes first.

I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand this concept.

I don't blame you for being upset. 

I couldn't live that way.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

MrsLadyWriter said:


> Do you have someone (a family member on your side or a good friend) where you can go with your daughter for a few days? If so, then I would maybe suggest you get your husband alone and very calmly explain that you are leaving and why. Detail it very calmly and evenly so he knows you are serious. Then tell him that you will only consider coming back if things change. Your MIL and BIL need to go. Maybe the $400 a month she charges you could go towards helping pay for a small apartment nearby for them. That way they'd be close enough for your husband to keep an eye on her and visit should he choose to do so. Your contact with them would be severely limited.
> 
> Then follow through. If you tell him MIL can visit but only if she calls first, then stick with it. If she shows up without calling she must understand she'll be thanked but will not be allowed past the front door.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Your husband is the real problem here, since he is allowing his family to treat you this way. I would do exactly this. If he cannot stand behind you, you will have an important decision to make. I personally couldn't live that way.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IIWY, I would gather some money, get an apartment with a 6-month lease, and move you and your daughter into it. See what he does. That will tell you all you need to know.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

daffodilly said:


> :iagree: Your husband is the real problem here, since he is allowing his family to treat you this way. I would do exactly this. If he cannot stand behind you, you will have an important decision to make. I personally couldn't live that way.


All familial units do not see things this way. In some of the common structures the husband or wife is just a prop to the one with closer family influence.


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## KaleBonilla212 (Jul 7, 2013)

@MrsLadyWriter
I've done this countless times but always come back within a week. He begs me to come home and makes me come back from just making me miss him. When I'm gone everything is perfect. Its when I come home again that things get worse.


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## KaleBonilla212 (Jul 7, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> All familial units do not see things this way. In some of the common structures the husband or wife is just a prop to the one with closer family influence.


This is exactly how it feels most the time. She uses people constantly. She's so immoral it makes me sick too. She cheats on her boyfriend who gives her large sums of money all the time and bought all her scuba gear and pays her way to go to places like Cozumel. She supports cheating and says it shouldn't matter. Her other son has ruined every relationship he's ever cared about by cheating. He's always got two or three girls on the side. They're so immoral its sickening and I do NOT want my daughter raised around them. I don't even want them to have a relationship or know my daughter.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

KaleBonilla212 said:


> @MrsLadyWriter
> I've done this countless times but always come back within a week. He begs me to come home and makes me come back from just *making me miss him*. When I'm gone everything is perfect. Its when I come home again that things get worse.


 Then what does that tell you?

He doesn't care about YOU, he cares about his image with his family, and himself. YOU are to be used, lied to, manipulated, all to prop him up.

Is that all you're worth?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

KaleBonilla212 said:


> He's always got two or three girls on the side.


What makes you think YOUR man doesn't, as well?


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

KaleBonilla212 said:


> This is exactly how it feels most the time. She uses people constantly. She's so immoral it makes me sick too. She cheats on her boyfriend who gives her large sums of money all the time and bought all her scuba gear and pays her way to go to places like Cozumel. She supports cheating and says it shouldn't matter. Her other son has ruined every relationship he's ever cared about by cheating. He's always got two or three girls on the side. They're so immoral its sickening and I do NOT want my daughter raised around them. I don't even want them to have a relationship or know my daughter.


Those types are good for sales, where you have to "slip something in" or distort the truth a bit. For integrity, solid product, this is not where it's at. Let her have some types like her, and find a type like yourself.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

turnera said:


> Then what does that tell you?
> 
> He doesn't care about YOU, he cares about his image with his family, and himself. YOU are to be used, lied to, manipulated, all to prop him up.
> 
> Is that all you're worth?


Just for fun, you can operate completely outside of your "box" on the way out. Figure out the role your currently used for, and do everything but that.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

turnera said:


> What makes you think YOUR man doesn't, as well?


Right. I can do this too, but I choose not to. One is enough, and I know I don't want to intentionally hurt someone that I care that much about.

But the sad thing, is many times when you are loyal, the other is doing all the cheating.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Zero tolerance.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I had my mother in-law living with me when she was ill. I tolerated a lot of difficult things but none were deliberate and people treated me with respect. I guess you need to talk with your husband, explain that there needs to be some rules, certainly the other brother-in-law needs to leave, or you will be leaving. 

And then do it.


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