# So confused...



## Thiscantbeit

Hi, this is big for me, as I am not one to ask for help. I have taken big steps in this area recently, but it seems to be getting me into trouble.

A bit of quick history of my marriage: I have always dealt with serious insecurity, social anxiety, and separation anxiety issues, and am very co-Dependent. That last part has never been easy to admit to myself, but it is very clear to me now. 8 years ago, I found a woman who I found to fill the void I have always felt in myself, and she was always aware of my issues and has been very supportive, to a fault of her own. We have always worked together and have struggled managing a working relationship as we are always looking to advance in the same field. She is very supportive, I am very jealous and resentful. Because she is so supportive, she has passed up many great opportunities, just because of how it made me feel. I always selfishly loved her for that, which is very unfair. I have never realized all of that until recently. She had a moment of clarity recently where she realized just how much damage had been done to her confidence and self-esteem during the course of our relationship. 

I realize I am sick and need help. I suggested we find a counselor who can help us navigate back on track and help me cope with my issues (I had not seen a professional therapist since meeting my wife, as I always saw her as the only support I needed). I found a marriage therapist that had great reviews and a big following. I booked a session and we got to work. We had one group session, and then individual private sessions. In the private session, she called me a worthless piece of **** that was not deserving of love, and that my wife is too good for me and needs to leave me immediately. I was hurt, but thought it was a wake up call to get my **** together. Over the next couple of sessions, she insisted that we separate, which we decided not to do, and that we needed to come in 3 times a week. We are broke, and $2400 a month is just not in the cards, so we decided to give it a shot on our own, armed with the information we had. 

I slipped up a few times and things didn’t go so well over the next month. My wife continued to see the therapist, as she was helping her greatly with rebuilding her self-esteem. In this time, she has also been telling her over and over to leave me ASAP. I have had trouble finding someone to work with myself to sort out my personal issues, so I reached out to the therapist privately, explaining I was having trouble getting through all of this on my own and that I wanted help. She said her schedule was booked, so I went back to trying to find someone. After 3 or 4 days of searching and struggling, I reached back out to her, begging to help me and our marriage. 

She called my wife and told her explained what I said in the email, and said that I was too damaged for her to help in the context of our marriage. 

I am so confused. I thought that hiring a therapist was supposed to help, not cause even more turmoil and confusion. I also thought a marriage counselor was not supposed to pick sides and was supposed to help work through issues. I also thought there was client/therapist confidentiality, and that when she accepted me as a patient the things I spoke to her about privately were supposed to remain private? 

Now my wife is moving out tomorrow morning. What the hell is happening? I finally reach out for the real help I need and this is what happens?


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## EleGirl

There are good counselors and bad counselors.

While I find what the counselor has done pretty disturbing, I don't know the whole story. 

You already knew that the counselor was not going to help you, but you kept contacting her. Why? That seems odd.

What you need to do is to find a differnt counselor just for yourself.


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## FalCod

Your story sounds bizarre. If it really played out that way, I'd talk to a lawyer.


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## As'laDain

Thiscantbeit said:


> Hi, this is big for me, as I am not one to ask for help. I have taken big steps in this area recently, but it seems to be getting me into trouble.
> 
> A bit of quick history of my marriage: I have always dealt with serious insecurity, social anxiety, and separation anxiety issues, and am very co-Dependent. That last part has never been easy to admit to myself, but it is very clear to me now. 8 years ago, I found a woman who I found to fill the void I have always felt in myself, and she was always aware of my issues and has been very supportive, to a fault of her own. We have always worked together and have struggled managing a working relationship as we are always looking to advance in the same field. She is very supportive, I am very jealous and resentful. Because she is so supportive, she has passed up many great opportunities, just because of how it made me feel. I always selfishly loved her for that, which is very unfair. I have never realized all of that until recently. She had a moment of clarity recently where she realized just how much damage had been done to her confidence and self-esteem during the course of our relationship.
> 
> I realize I am sick and need help. I suggested we find a counselor who can help us navigate back on track and help me cope with my issues (I had not seen a professional therapist since meeting my wife, as I always saw her as the only support I needed). I found a marriage therapist that had great reviews and a big following. I booked a session and we got to work. We had one group session, and then individual private sessions. In the private session, she called me a worthless piece of **** that was not deserving of love, and that my wife is too good for me and needs to leave me immediately. I was hurt, but thought it was a wake up call to get my **** together. Over the next couple of sessions, she insisted that we separate, which we decided not to do, and that we needed to come in 3 times a week. We are broke, and $2400 a month is just not in the cards, so we decided to give it a shot on our own, armed with the information we had.
> 
> I slipped up a few times and things didn’t go so well over the next month. My wife continued to see the therapist, as she was helping her greatly with rebuilding her self-esteem. In this time, she has also been telling her over and over to leave me ASAP. I have had trouble finding someone to work with myself to sort out my personal issues, so I reached out to the therapist privately, explaining I was having trouble getting through all of this on my own and that I wanted help. She said her schedule was booked, so I went back to trying to find someone. After 3 or 4 days of searching and struggling, I reached back out to her, begging to help me and our marriage.
> 
> She called my wife and told her explained what I said in the email, and said that I was too damaged for her to help in the context of our marriage.
> 
> I am so confused. I thought that hiring a therapist was supposed to help, not cause even more turmoil and confusion. I also thought a marriage counselor was not supposed to pick sides and was supposed to help work through issues. I also thought there was client/therapist confidentiality, and that when she accepted me as a patient the things I spoke to her about privately were supposed to remain private?
> 
> Now my wife is moving out tomorrow morning. What the hell is happening? I finally reach out for the real help I need and this is what happens?


one, keep posting. two, PM me.


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