# Cheating



## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

I feel we as a society put so much on how cheating affects the spouse being cheated on. Of course it hurts when you find out your spouse has cheated but should it make your life miserable? People cheat for different reasons: not enough attention, too much arguing, sex, spouse away too much, loss of emotional connection,etc. I would like to reach out to those that have been cheated on and to let you know that life goes on. Your spouses' cheating does not define who you are as a person. They are the ones who have to live with their cheating ways. The sooner you can forgive, the sooner you can move on. If you decide to stay with the person who cheated, then do the best you can in making it work out. There maybe something you were not doing and change is needed.
If the pain is too much, then separate or divorce and move on. I am tired of hearing the phrase "can't get the cheating out of my head". Of course you won't, why would you. But you can pick yourself up and live your life the way you want to. The more power you give to the cheating the more it will consume you and make you crazy. 
Kids involved? Then take care of them and make sure they know how important they are. The marriage may be done but parenting never stops. 
Unless you feel that you are worthless and don't deserve happiness, Get over it and do what is necessary to get your good mojo back.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

So how fast you recovered from betrayal, Barry?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Not all cheaters are remorseful. My ex h is a serial cheater and was bragging about it to our daughter when she was 15/16 years old. I was appalled that he would actually brag to his own daughter about it. While we were together, he was a big time player. He would have sex with any willing woman. He even tried sleeping with my friends. 

I'm in a much better enviorment now then I was 18 years ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

snap said:


> So how fast you recovered from betrayal, Barry?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I recover because I am mentally strong. No matter what has happened or will happen, my life still has to go on. My wife cheated because I was mean and gave her hardly any affection for a long time. I will always remember what she did just like she will always remember my cheating ways and wrong doings. Am I supposed to hold a grudge against my wife forever? I choose to to get over it and continue with my life. If my wife wants to be a part of that journey, thats fine. If not, then my life will need to adjust accordingly.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I like Barry.


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## DG3 (Jul 13, 2011)

baltimorebarry said:


> I recover because I am mentally strong. No matter what has happened or will happen, my life still has to go on. My wife cheated because I was mean and gave her hardly any affection for a long time. I will always remember what she did just like she will always remember my cheating ways and wrong doings. Am I supposed to hold a grudge against my wife forever? I choose to to get over it and continue with my life. If my wife wants to be a part of that journey, thats fine. If not, then my life will need to adjust accordingly.


Wow so you are both cheaters? Well great for you that you are so ''mentally strong'' and the rest of us are so weak. Little arrogant don't you think? A cheater saying get over it, that is so original.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ahh....the same old "she cheated because I wasn't giving her enough attention" rationalization. We see that a lot here. That's definitely cause to cheat alright. No need to communicate, or work it out, or go to counseling, or do the honorable thing like divorce. Cheating is always the answer to all your marital woes because the BS is always lacking in some way. 

Look, cheating can happen in good marriages too, did you ever think about that? How about selfishness, or wanting validation that they're attractive, from someone other than their spouse, or enjoying the thrill of cheating, or they have low personal boundaries, etc, etc. There have been many people who have been in good or great marriages and it still happens because the WS simply chose to cheat. How many times have we read that a WS spouse cheated just because they thought they could get away with it? Yup, we definitely live in a time where the mantra is "If it feels good, do it". 

We as a society need to stop laying the blame for cheating on the betrayed spouse and stop enabling cheating. Cheating is a very poor choice for solving any personal or perceived problem in a marriage.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Barry, while what you say could possibly be a solid advice for couples where both spouses have cheated, this is really a less common scenario seen on this forum.

For most of us it wasn't really tit-for-tat situation, and very few here seem to entertain the idea of revenge cheating. We need some other coping methods, and your advice, while well-intended, is suited for a different character type.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I imagine there is a different level of enlightenment and a certain internal peace about the whole thing when you have exchanged "eye for an eye" justice. 



BaltimoreBarry said:


> I recover because I am mentally strong.


Be really careful there Barry. Your statement is carrying implications that people who don't recover quickly are not. Maybe it's easier to clean the slate and move on when you have an even score?. You wouldn't know, your an admitted adulterer Mr. Mentally Strong. That's kind of a contradiction isn't it? 

meh.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Barry doesn't do push-ups. Barry pushes the earth down. 


Sometimes betrayal isn't all that easy to get over.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Superman wears BaltimoreBarry pajama's.

When the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks the closet for BaltimoreBarry.

A cop once pulled over BaltimoreBarry... The cop was lucky to leave with just a warning.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell BaltimoreBarry stories.

lol. 

BTW, just busting your ballz Barry. Glad your doing well.


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

baltimorebarry said:


> People cheat for different reasons: not enough attention *(not the cheater's fault)*, too much arguing *(not the cheater's fault)*, sex *(not the cheater's fault)*, spouse away too much *(not the cheater's fault)*, loss of emotional connection *(not the cheater's fault)*,etc.


Given that you believe that your cheating wasn't your fault, it's easy to also see why you think a spouse who's been cheated on should just get over it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Some people do have an easier time getting over betrayal than others.

It would be awesome to be that way.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Superman wears BaltimoreBarry pajama's.
> 
> When the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks the closet for BaltimoreBarry.
> 
> ...


LOL:lol:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think insight is easier to gain from when it's told in story format instead of a directive. Maybe Barry can try again and just say what he went through instead of telling other people how he thinks we should feel. One thing I learned from my experience is that I give 100% credit to what I feel and -100% credit to anything someone else tells me I should be feeling.


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## baltimorebarry (Dec 7, 2011)

I apologize if I offended anyone about my take on how to handle cheating. Everybody deals with adversity differently and I understand that. My intentions were to give someone out there hope that life does go on if you let it. 
Trust me I went through some pain and bewilderment but I did not want to dwell on those things forever. 
For those that are going through some things in your marriage I ask you, How long should you stay sad and mad at your spouse before you get back to laughing again? 

BTW, very funny post about pushing down the earth.


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## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

As with everything else in life, the way people react to cheaing differs from one person to the next. 

Not everything is black and white for everybody. Some people need more time to learn how deal with being cheated on.

For most people, trying to just put it past them overnight just makes things worse.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I have enough problems with my marriage and dealing with a spouse and a relationship. But her character flaw in her adultoroius behaviors is all hers to deal with on her own.
It will always be her choice to respect my boundries or move on. Thats just me. I can laugh and smile knowing Im not a cheater, its the mental abuse I dished out that is all mine to deal with.

As individual we (Mr. & Mrs. the-guy) have are issues we must address by our selves, but as far as the marriage goes, it either your in or your out. I will not carry the entire load so she better pick up an end or I will drop the whole thing. As long as we both have an end and can carry this load we are both smiling!!!

Sorry for the rant guys.....berry hit a nerve...I also like him too !


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

I understand that it is important for the BS as well as the cheater to point out their hurt. I feel that at some point in time I simply have to stop yelling "you have hurt me" and see what can be done to make my marriage better. The way I understand it is that the ultimate goal for both parties should be to heal, wether it be as a couple or a two singles. Not sure if any of you have read or watched the Secret, your toughts of today create your reality tomorrow. If I constantly do the same thing over and over again, I will constantly get the same results, right? If I don't like the results, I have to change my action. I think this can apply for both the BS and the WS (wayward spouse???) and it doesn't mean to justify anything or cast blame. Every single one of has the freedom to make choices every day. Some are bad, some are good. Some keep us right where we are, some help us advance and move on. The great thing about choices is that we can change them at any time. Don't want to be overweight anymore? Lose weight! Might take years to get to that point but the important thing is to WANT to get there.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bottom line here is not letting this crap define who we are but to make the changes as individulas so that our moral compase always points north. Now if both loyals and waywards make this healthy change then they are both smiling.. But if the wayward want to continue down an aldutorous path then she will die alone with a house ful of cats and cat boo, while the loyal smiles with someone else.

Dont walk infront of me. don't walk behind me, but walk along side me


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> I am tired of hearing the phrase "can't get the cheating out of my head".


_*I*_ can't stand the phrase, "_if only I had a time machine_." C'mon, you know damn well, even in the midst of an affair that this is an impossibilty.

If I was a BS, I'd be of the mind- "well... if _I_ had a time machine, I'd go back to where I never met you." How's that???


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## SadLovingHusband (Apr 21, 2011)

Barry's tears can cure cancer. Only problem is Barry has never cried...


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

baltimorebarry said:


> I recover because I am mentally strong. No matter what has happened or will happen, my life still has to go on. My wife cheated because I was mean and gave her hardly any affection for a long time. I will always remember what she did just like she will always remember my cheating ways and wrong doings. Am I supposed to hold a grudge against my wife forever? I choose to to get over it and continue with my life. If my wife wants to be a part of that journey, thats fine. If not, then my life will need to adjust accordingly.


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I have always thought this poem was a complete crock. Your post broght it to mind.:rofl:


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