# husband disrepectful to daughter.



## whichwayisup (Feb 11, 2010)

Hi there Im new to this forum I was hoping to get some advice here. 

Ihave been married for 25 years we have a daughter who is 20. my husband is 54 and me Im 45.

The problem is my husband calls our daughter a loser, a *****, 
stupid, idiot the list goes on.

history on daughter she had a hard time in high school her last year something happened it was bad and she failed. So we paid for a private school and she when he was hoping that she wuld get high marks and well they where average. She did a victory lap there (paid 1/2 her self) and got 77's in both course. so she was accepted to college and did not like the program that she when into.... so she dropped out. spent the next year seeing what she wanted to do. Then she got accepted to a university in a program that she likes. so the first term did not go well... (we paid for that) so this semester she took a loan for school. 
so all is going ok (i guess she does not tell me) and one day last week he drove her to school and he was complaining to me about her driving all the way out there (15 - 20 min by highway) when she should be going downtown not out there a stupid university "she is a loser I don't need a loser like that with this" and it when on and on and on... today she asks him to drive her to school early.. as she wants to get some work done before class( this is a good thing that should be encouraged) what does he do yells and screams at her about this university and calls her names she phones me yelling at me about him as he is in the car waiting for her ... then she sends me messages like "it is ridiculous when I bring up that my school is in a bad area im getting told that its my own fault for being stupid and not be able to get anywhere else" and she wants to move out.. but she can ot afford it. 

me Im in the middle of this he calls me names tells me Im stupid and im a liar ... he is not working for the past 6 months on disability for depression and stuff and me Im holding it together barely ... I want to leave but I dont know... I know that I can not live like this for another 25 years... but what do I do ...

I love my daughter she is a good person and she is around him she is treating me like he treats me ... it is just bad... the dog even hides in the bathroom when it starts.. 

help.. please any advice 
counseling will nto work he walked out ... he is in therapy at the hospital... and me I have therapy too...separate from him .. I was told today to get a back bone...


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## ConfederateNurse (Feb 11, 2010)

Is she your husbands biological daughter? Not that it makes a difference, but their is something REALLY wrong with your husband.


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## whichwayisup (Feb 11, 2010)

she is our daughter (his biological daughter) he has been so disappointed with her I remember that he would not even go to her soccer games as he was there once and she did not go after the ball he left. He was also at a parent teacher night and found out she was not doing well in english (39%) and it was just a nightmare....


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## ConfederateNurse (Feb 11, 2010)

I couldn't imagine treating my child like that. It sounds like he has serious problems.


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## whichwayisup (Feb 11, 2010)

I don't know what to do if you ask me how I feel about him I really don't know 
If you ask me what is happening with her she is starting to treat me like he does 
I have worked so hard to put things back together we now have a house agin I have a good job
I should be happy but I don't think I am and I knoww that daughter is not
Ny therapist told me to day grow a back bone
How? We husband and I got into an arguement he was doing his "she's a loser bit and "for the first time be a mother!"
Act and next thing I know I told him sell the house! But
If that happens what happens to evevrything I worked for
My parents will be so disappointed everyone will be I will be the ffailure he says I am
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Tell him he's right that she should do better, but you don't think he's helping. She's a girl in college, not a man in the Marine Corps. He can't be all drill sergeant; it doesn't work that way. (Some of this is sexist nonsense, but if it works that'll do.)

Get a copy of *How To Win Friends And Influence People* and *How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen And Listen So Your Kids Will Talk*. Read them both, and invite him to read them with you and help you work on strategies for how to deal with your daughter.


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## whichwayisup (Feb 11, 2010)

Well things have gotten worst it valentine's day and well he is so upset with her (she has not done anything) that he does not feel like going out. 
I told him that we need to talk and why punish me for what he is feeling for our daughter. Well he tells me that I'm not a mother and that I have not raised her right 
And well he says we can work out our problems if she was not at home he wants her out. I don't she is my daughter and she is welcome in the house. Now becuase of that the chocolates that he boughther he opened and dumped on a plate and ate them
And started with her when she came in the house. 
Now she has gone to work and my valentine4 evening is sitting home and nothing being punished becausehe does not "feel" like doing anything. 
What am I to do. I'm not getting up on my daughter for him (she is his daughter too)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your husband is abusive. There is something wrong with him, and you OWE it to your daughter to protect her from him, mentally and possibly physically if things get worse. 

You DO need to grow a backbone, and leave him.

Maybe you can get back together later, but for now, it is going to get worse. 

Make plans to leave. In the meantime, go to the library and get the book The Dance of Anger. It's a little book that will help you see that you don't HAVE to be his punching bag for his bad moods. It will give you the knowledge that you don't have to accept such bad treatment.

Finally, PLEASE take time to start doing things with your daughter, just the two of you. She is floundering, most likely, BECAUSE you have been silent for so long while the one man in her life who is supposed to support her, tears her to pieces. I'm frankly amazed she's not a drug addict, given the way she's been treated in your home. Right now, she needs at least ONE of her parents to believe in her. She needs to hear - out loud - that she is respectable and loveable and can accomplish anything she sets her mind on.


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## whichwayisup (Feb 11, 2010)

I tell my daughter every day how proud i am of her and I love her.
I try to do things with her but she is naturally busy with her life. I dont blame her for that. 

Thsi weekend she went away with her new boyfriend (new they have been seeing each other for 2 or 3 months) and it is reading week. That is what he got upset about that she would not be back until wednesday. He tried to ruin it for her and she ended up turning off her phone but before that I told her ignore have a good time. 
I do not want to keep living like this for the next 20 years and I told him this. We have not spoken in 2 days I went out last night for a bit. I have made my mind up I don't care any more I want out. so now I just going t do it. 
For my health and my daughters health. He wants her to be sucessfull but all he does is put her down to fail!!!


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