# I am so disgusted and fed up



## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

Caught my boyfriend of 18 yrs in an affair.
I did most of the confrontation all wrong because I thought I was dealing with a man who loved me.

NOPE

Fortunately I did gather alot of evidence before confrontation to know he was lying...and that pattern fit right into all the lies for 18 yrs.

Ive gone through alot of emotions for the last 8 months..anger, sadness, bitterness, denial...you name it.

I even was willing to forgive but then I saw the way he was going with it and hardened my heart to all the love I had.

He will not admit to anything, he says its all in my head.
It was a female friend..and thy have been friends for 15 yrs so you know where this is going.
He really has choosen her, but for some reason he acts like nothing has happened.

Anyway, Im done...I just have to find a way to get out and support myself somehow.

Wish I had found this site way sooner.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What kind of evidence do you have? I'm wondering because he's still denying it.

He probably want her and you. That why he's trying to keep you around.


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

I have to be careful what evidence I talk about because I'm sure he knows I found this site, and I need to be cautious for court. It wasnt just an affair...they were plotting to get our kids from me.
texts, notes, posts on craigslist, email, chats, secret phone, showering right when he gets home,on the computer all day and all night when he is at home, twisting my arm when I touched his appendage, and many many more.
But all "anynonymus" emails, chats. He doesnt use his real name at all really.

Then he closed down his facebook and email.
She made drastic changes to her facebook too.
Im sure he has a new email now. I am at the point of not caring what he does. I got tested for std's in June.


We have kids, and we had a nasty court battle last year and long story short after a year apart I came back home. 

A keylogger or spyware was installed on my laptop and on my cell in June, someone wants to know what my new plans are for court. Went into my email and read my emails to friends were I was asking for help. Read my texts to my mom asking her to pray for me and the kids.
This was done to me last year as well before I left and went to court. and GPS on my car. I havent found it yet but when I was staying at the shelter last year, everytime I left the shelter he would show up at my friends or pass me on the road. It was uncanny. 

how do I know about the spyware? Cause he would walk by and say things that I was texting about to my mom...subtly....like what do you think about my eyebrows, are they falling out from stress?
I had just been telling my mom that my eyebrows hadnt fallen out yet from all the stress.
because they posted on craigslist about my user name after I joined a site looking for them with the fake posts they made.
So I found the file after awhile and took my computer to a computer guy

So I had to get a different laptop and phone. 


I won custody of the youngest last year because I wasnt doing anything wrong aside from protecting my kids. The teen asked to stay with him.

Sorry for writing a book, I have alot of thoughts tonight...been processing this since Jan and when I finally decided it was real was in April.
I can place at least 1 day for sure where he had sex with her and then me on the same day. I just want to vomit.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Dating for 18 years, and kids in the picture. Sounds like he has a serious fear of commitment. That, plus the cheating, do yourself a favor and drop him like a bad habit. Focus on yourself and making a home for you kids. Battle for a better custody deal, unless you think the one you have is fine (I'm assuming you can revert to what was worked out in court prior to getting back together).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok so you have solid evidence of the affair and what they are doing. That’s what I was concerned about, that you had enough for your own sanity.

I do not understand why you had to get another computer because of the spyware. Why did you get another computer? Whose idea was it? That's an expensive solution to an easy to fix problem.


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

The computer guy told me that they could wipe my computer and redo it, but the key codes on the back were worn off.
So he said it was basically toast..that I could find another broken laptop and get the key codes possibly and then all that was going to cost me about $200 approx.
So I traded my sewing machines for a laptop that was $145 instead. which was good since I didnt have cash.

I need to be able to stay online so I can learn what I am going through...my emotions range from ...Im going to be OK to anger through out the day.
I have tons of triggers...this OW has been a thorn in my side for 15 years but I believed she was just his friend.
My thoughts are scattered.
I started counseling last month to learn how to deal with it all.
And I joined a few self help type forums to help me process this. My friends have told me for years he was like this and I didnt listen.

What is the most upsetting is the fact that he put my life at risk.
I am the mother of his kids and it didnt bother him what so ever to cheat, lie and expose me to potential health problems with possible std's?

That makes me mad.

I feel good today though, got some sleep.
I just wonder why did this happen.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What is your lawyer's opinion on this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

I do not have a lawyer.
I didnt last year either, the outcome would have been remarkably better if I had.
I did well enough, but not as good as I would have preferred.

I wish I did have one though.

I wade through the legal web pages and I talk to other people who have been through something similar.

I am not instigating court at this time, I have no way to support myself yet, especially with a child.

Thats the part I am having a hard time with...I could leave by myself. But I dont want to leave my children.

I told him in June, I was leaving and he was ready to help me pack, but then I changed my mind because its incredibly difficult to walk away as the primary caregiver for my kids...mostly the little one.
So I said, cant we just not be together but co-parent under the same roof?

he said yes, this is your home.
but he still denies the affair, or his new love. He still acts like we are somehow an item.
I will never have a sexual anything with him again and I am only respectful and civil for the children

I am trying to get my disability going but it will take some time before that is something I am awarded.


I am not the innocent little partner in this relationship though...when we split up 4 years ago for a year as well..I did meet a man and start a relationship with him.
it didnt work out, I left him and came back home BUT..I told my boyfriend about him BEFORE moving back into the home and his heart and his body.
I was scared to tell but I didnt want to put him at risk for any emotional upset or physical.

For some reason I expect the same treatment.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

riversoflife said:


> The computer guy told me that they could wipe my computer and redo it, but the key codes on the back were worn off.
> 
> So he said it was basically toast..that I could find another broken laptop and get the key codes possibly and then all that was going to cost me about $200 approx.
> 
> So I traded my sewing machines for a laptop that was $145 instead. which was good since I didnt have cash.


Do you still have that computer? There is software that can get the product key from the hard drive. You might want to get a new computer guy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why don't you go after child support from him. That would help you out. 

What about you getting a job? That would help as well.


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

I do still have the laptop.

I can only hol down a job for a very short while...I have spine issues from a car accident.
I had disability before..temporary and am now trying for permanent.

when I left last year I got state assistance but at the thrid trial I didnt do so well in court because I didnt know I had to repeat all the evidence from the first 2 trials and the new judge awarded more visitation for him with the little one and that amount made me loose my assistance.

He doesnt owe child support because he has the teen and I have the little one.

Its quite a mess.

I am thankful he let me and the little one move back in.
I am thankful and grateful he is keeping a roof over our head.
I am grateful that all the abuse we had before is not happening now because he knows I will not be afraid to tell this time.

BUT, I am mad about the lies. 
He could have told me that I could move back in but he was involved with someone else.
He could have told me that now that I was homeless he was going back to court and take the little one from me.
He could have told me that I could move back in temporarily and that I needed to get a game plan.
He could have told me that he would lower his visitation less 72 hrs a month and my benefits would have been reinstated.

He could have told me any one of those truths and more and I would have respected that.


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Do you still have that computer? There is software that can get the product key from the hard drive. You might want to get a new computer guy.



I have been thinking to keep the computer exactly how it is for evidence. "Someone" single handedly tied together a ton of posts in different cities when they created the many "fake" posts to get me to sign up at a networking place looking for his "new handle" and then accessed my emails...2 different accts. and then posted about it bragging.

I will keep the laptop as is for now.

But thank you, its nice to know there is an easier and cheaper fix out there! :smthumbup:


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

mannspwz said:


> Sounds like he has a serious fear of commitment.



Yes, you are right.
I think I've always know it but didnt let it get to me.

He asked me to marry him and we went to reno to get married and he backed out once we got there. 
I was crushed and embarrassed.

I wonder if I will have commitment issues now since i feel like I cant trust anyone right now?

No, I wont let him ruin the rest of my life...I love commitment and marriage.


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## riversoflife (Aug 12, 2013)

Acoa said:


> Dating for 18 years, and kids in the picture. Sounds like he has a serious fear of commitment. That, plus the cheating, do yourself a favor and drop him like a bad habit. Focus on yourself and making a home for you kids. Battle for a better custody deal, unless you think the one you have is fine (I'm assuming you can revert to what was worked out in court prior to getting back together).


The bad habit is dropped but I cant leave just yet.

I started to focus on myself now for a couple of weeks but I do have bad days.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

The best you can do, walk away!


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