# Decision to have children- HELP !!!



## readyforbaby76

Hi All
I just joined this forum and am hoping to get lots of feedback from all the parents out there. I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

I have always said that I didn't want children. My life has been a bit unusual growing up. I was raised by a single mom and as a teenager she died. SO then I was on my own. It was my senior year in highschool and I had to declare myself an orphan with the state. Anyway, I think this had a lot to do with why i always said I didn't want children. there were other reasons too.

So, now im 35, have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4 yrs. We both agreed before marriage that we did not want children, and that if i ever got pregnant by mistake we would of course keep it but that we didn't want them. Well over the past year I have been having serious second thoughts. And now, over the past 3 months I have really decided that I do want to make my own family and have kids.

A few of my other reasons to say No to kids was that I was terrified to have a toddler, seeing so many in stores having tantrums scared me, and then I was also terrified to have a teenager, seeing so many that are horrible to their parents, saying FU, using drugs etc, it scared me.
BUT, i have observed many families and it seems like children are a product of their environment and if you raise them to be respectful then they will be. And not all kids automatically turn out bad just because they hit 13 or so.

Soooo, now im really feeling I want children and want a family with my husband, and I have told him this - he is shocked and says needs time to think about it as its such a HUGE decision and so different than what we planned. He has asked that I stop bringing it up and give him time.....im afraid he'll say no, or say yes for me and then regret it. 

So i guess im here because i have NO ONE else to talk to and its times like this that i wish i had a mom to talk to.........
I am still scared of having kids and i want to ask, how hard is it?
is raising an infant really aweful? what about teens, what about toddlers, how do you teach them to be good, respectable people, have you ever regretted having children?
OMG so many questions. I hope you guys dont think im crazy. I just am still scared at this new decision and hubby doesn't want me to talk about it with ANYONE we know (until he decides either way if he wants them or not). 

So how has your parenting experience been like? i know a loaded question!! do the positives outweigh the negatives?????

Any feedback would be really great please!!


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## anotherguy

Hi. and Welcome.

When we chose to have kids... finally... after already been married for 10 years - similar to you, it was very scary-exciting all at the same time. Both of us never had any aspirations to have kids (and I mean NONE), its just that we got to a point in our lives where everything seemed to fall into place and it seemed that it was time. We had a home, good jobs.. we had lived a little, been married a while. I told her flat out that I wasnt sure our relationship could withstand kids. I was very unsure about the entire prospect. Eventually I warmed up to it, more quicky than I thought.

If you and your husband are in that place..of calmly considering it - congratulations... its really a fantastic time. Without knowing anything about you besides the few sentence you posted - my thoughts would be - forget the fear and doubt. You stated about 3 times that now you want to do it. My wife knew before I did that she was ready. I bet we mulled the idea over for a good year, maybe 2. We had our first when I was 39... she was 37. We had a second one later.

go for it.

Is it hard? sometimes. The first few years are a serious adjustment in life. Actually, forget that - your entire life changes pretty much forever. Everything changes. 

But... it is also... without a doubt, THE best thing we ever have done. When I look back on us now... you know... ''BK" (before kids)... the carefree, d.i.n.k.s that we were - we seem like totally different people. How little did I know! We are more a family now, and it is a good thing. I bet it will get much harder as our kids get into the teenage years - not far off now.... is it is for many of my friends and family that I have watched, but from what I have seen... I dont think I have ever known anyone who said 'wish I didnt have kids'. Kids can challenge you.. but in a good way. If the concern and care with which you are considering this is any indication - you will probably be just fine.

Seems to me you know what you want. Throw yourself into it. You will be glad you did. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

You dont know ANYONE with kids you can talk with? Wow... I'd probably bust. My wife certainly would.


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## ScaredandUnsure

readyforbaby76 said:


> Hi All
> I just joined this forum and am hoping to get lots of feedback from all the parents out there. I'll try to make this as brief as possible.
> 
> I have always said that I didn't want children. My life has been a bit unusual growing up. I was raised by a single mom and as a teenager she died. SO then I was on my own. It was my senior year in highschool and I had to declare myself an orphan with the state. Anyway, I think this had a lot to do with why i always said I didn't want children. there were other reasons too.
> 
> So, now im 35, have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4 yrs. We both agreed before marriage that we did not want children, and that if i ever got pregnant by mistake we would of course keep it but that we didn't want them. Well over the past year I have been having serious second thoughts. And now, over the past 3 months I have really decided that I do want to make my own family and have kids.
> 
> A few of my other reasons to say No to kids was that I was terrified to have a toddler, seeing so many in stores having tantrums scared me, and then I was also terrified to have a teenager, seeing so many that are horrible to their parents, saying FU, using drugs etc, it scared me.
> BUT, i have observed many families and it seems like children are a product of their environment and if you raise them to be respectful then they will be. And not all kids automatically turn out bad just because they hit 13 or so.
> 
> Soooo, now im really feeling I want children and want a family with my husband, and I have told him this - he is shocked and says needs time to think about it as its such a HUGE decision and so different than what we planned. He has asked that I stop bringing it up and give him time.....im afraid he'll say no, or say yes for me and then regret it.
> 
> So i guess im here because i have NO ONE else to talk to and its times like this that i wish i had a mom to talk to.........
> I am still scared of having kids and i want to ask, how hard is it?
> is raising an infant really aweful? what about teens, what about toddlers, how do you teach them to be good, respectable people, have you ever regretted having children?
> OMG so many questions. I hope you guys dont think im crazy. I just am still scared at this new decision and hubby doesn't want me to talk about it with ANYONE we know (until he decides either way if he wants them or not).
> 
> So how has your parenting experience been like? i know a loaded question!! do the positives outweigh the negatives?????
> 
> Any feedback would be really great please!!


Well, I can say, you're 35 now and a woman's fertility declines at around this time. Give your husband time, but if he says no and you really want them, you're going to have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you and worth divorcing and meeting someone else who wants them. Don't trick him into parenthood if he doesn't want them.

As for children, I have 4 of them and they are at times, very trying on my nerves, but all in all I love them and wouldn't change a thing. 

Infants: This is my favorite age for a child, they eat, poop and sleep a lot, but when they get a little older are usually full of giggles and fun. I miss this stage with my children.

Toddlers: They are ALWAYS going to have tantrums and push boundaries, it's what they do and how they learn, tantrums aren't usually about how they are raised, it's just what they do sometimes. You, as the parent, need to teach them what those boundaries are. You have to teach them what is appropriate and what is not, it's not easy, but at this stage in life, they learn a lot from you.

Teens: Another stage in life where they push, experiment, etc. They are getting ready to become young adults, add in hormonal changes and peer pressure, this is another part of growing up. This is the age that is bittersweet I think. Because once your child hits that teenage mark, it won't be much longer until they are an adult. Stick with your boundaries, even when they push them to the brim. Make sure they know you love them no matter what. Even if they say they hate you, odds are, if you're a good parent, they don't really hate you, they just think they know everything. They most likely will come to you in their 20's or 30's, after they marry and have children and say "Gee mom, I know you did your best and you loved me so much, now I know why you did xyz" You're hard work will be acknowledged by them!

Parenthood isn't a box of rainbows and sunshine all the time, but it's worth it, imo. I do believe the positives outweigh the negatives. You will always see your smiling little faces that will always love you. Then they'll be teens and scowl a good majority of the time, but deep down you know they love you and are glad they have you to love and protect them.

Good luck, don't push the hubby, he knows how you feel so give him time to think on it


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## readyforbaby76

Thank you both for the quick responses. Hoping for many more and I am TRYING to not push hubby or not bring this up too much, its just very difficult for me. i want to discuss these things with him, i want to talk infants, and schedules and names, etc.
But he needs "time" and im NOT very patient. Im aweful.

I will try - maybe being able to come here will help me a bit.
Thank you


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## ScaredandUnsure

You can PM me anytime, and I can try to help with anything you have questions about.


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## anotherguy

I wouldnt start on the names and schedules and how to raise infants *quite* yet! Lets get the man on board first!

We realised at about.... like I said 38, she was 36.. that it was going to have to be soon.. or not. I do remember feeling a little bit cornered - not necessarily by the wife, but by the situation... in retrospect it was all fear. Fear of the crushing responsibility, fear of the magnitude of the changes it would bring, insecurity about the durability of our relationship... etc. But it all works out in the end.


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## readyforbaby76

One thing I will add is that Hubby and I have discussed kids a few times since I "broke the news" that I wanted them.
Things we talked about were
1) names (believe it or not) i came home one day and he said, now dont freak out BUT here are some names I came up with and he HAD THEM IN AN EXCEL SPREADSHEET ON HIS LAPTOP!!!!!
2) my age 35, and down sydrome possibility, then getting an amniocentesis
3) will he have to give up certain things, motorcycle, cigar smoking on occasion, man room downstairs. 
4) cost, he told me he was at walmart and looked at the formula and it was over $30 for a can, he said how are we going to afford that???
SOOOOOOOO - these are all good signs right? at least he's thinking about it?

BUT, he's tough and WONT be forced into anything - OY
Oh god help me ........ lol Im so glad I found this site.
thank you again so far for listening and responding!!


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## anotherguy

Sounds like he has bought into the program, are you kidding me? Names and formula??!! woohooo!

(my wife breastfed - she was ervous about that too but in retrospect would have it NO other way. We used almost no formula... we in fact had trouble getting our first to even take it.)

You gonna drop the "So... we going to do it?" question? You know.. then you have license to for example... stop the pill, etc.

wow. it can happen fast.

My wife was stuck on 'Ainsley' or 'Cody' or 'Reece' for names. Gads, she sucked at picking names. What the heck is an 'Ainsley'?? 

Once things started rolling and we found out she was preggers... I spent he next 6 months redoing the baby room... it was quite a trip. I thank my lucky stars we 'planned' for it, rather than having to react to a surprise parenthood.


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## ScaredandUnsure

readyforbaby76 said:


> One thing I will add is that Hubby and I have discussed kids a few times since I "broke the news" that I wanted them.
> Things we talked about were
> 1) names (believe it or not) i came home one day and he said, now dont freak out BUT here are some names I came up with and he HAD THEM IN AN EXCEL SPREADSHEET ON HIS LAPTOP!!!!!
> 2) my age 35, and down sydrome possibility, then getting an amniocentesis
> 3) will he have to give up certain things, motorcycle, cigar smoking on occasion, man room downstairs.
> 4) cost, he told me he was at walmart and looked at the formula and it was over $30 for a can, he said how are we going to afford that???
> SOOOOOOOO - these are all good signs right? at least he's thinking about it?
> 
> BUT, he's tough and WONT be forced into anything - OY
> Oh god help me ........ lol Im so glad I found this site.
> thank you again so far for listening and responding!!


Breastfeeding saved a LOT of money. And it really helps burn calories and makes your boobs look pretty nice (and leaky, but only until your body adjusts to your baby's needs). I nursed 3 of my 4, but supplimented my twins with formula, my daughter didn't have 4 oz of formula her entire babyhood.

But yes, he is thinking about it, so that's a good sign.

I had an amnio when I was preggers with my daughter, and honestly, it wasn't a huge deal, I really couldn't even feel it at all.

My fingers are crossed for you!


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## readyforbaby76

I know right?!?! He woulnd't be looking at names if he wasn't considering it right????
He is just very PROUD and needs to decide this "on this own".
He is also the breadwinner so to speaks, makes more than me and I want to be home with the baby, or atleast go down to part time, so this puts a big weight on him. 
BUT>>>>> i definitly think he's in or sort of in IF he's looking at names. 
I just need to wait i guess for him to give me the green light. I told him the other day that I had been doing some research and to let me know when he wants to talk about it. Its only been 36 hrs and Im friggin dieing over here!! LOL

I still have time though, I was on depoprovera and it doesn't run out til next month, so we technically can't even start trying til then, so why can't i just relax?

Thats funny on the names thing. Ainsley??? is that for a boy or girl?? Did you have your baby yet? how old/
Names we seemed to agree on were
Logan, Mason and Robert (after his deceased dad)
Marlena and Chloe for girls

Ainsley?


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## readyforbaby76

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Breastfeeding saved a LOT of money. And it really helps burn calories and makes your boobs look pretty nice (and leaky, but only until your body adjusts to your baby's needs). I nursed 3 of my 4, but supplimented my twins with formula, my daughter didn't have 4 oz of formula her entire babyhood.
> 
> But yes, he is thinking about it, so that's a good sign.
> 
> I had an amnio when I was preggers with my daughter, and honestly, it wasn't a huge deal, I really couldn't even feel it at all.
> 
> My fingers are crossed for you!



THANK YOU
I would hope to nurse and long as I could too, and then pump - I hope it would work out that way for us. Also, what do you think about cloth diapers, i have been researching them (and everything baby related) and found some that are for newborns up to 30lbs. They are like $19 each but you can wash and reuse, Im wondering if this is a realistic way to save money. 
Wow, you had twins?? do they run in your family? honestly, secret god hubby would die, but i really would like 2 children, i'll be happy if he just agrees to one but twins would be wonderful! :smthumbup:


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## anotherguy

Doctor told us to wait a couple months before 'trying' after stopping the pill. She had been on it for 15 years at that point.

Wow I cant even remember what we did - it can take a month or 3 to level out your hormones. I think we used condoms for a bit. Its all such a blur now.

Check with your doc. Once we 'got busy' it didnt take long AT ALL, but your mileage will vary.


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## anotherguy

readyforbaby76 said:


> ...Thats funny on the names thing. Ainsley??? is that for a boy or girl?? Did you have your baby yet? how old/
> Names we seemed to agree on were
> Logan, Mason and Robert (after his deceased dad)
> Marlena and Chloe for girls
> 
> Ainsley?


My wife had Logan too. Ainsley, it seems is a girls name, Gaelic.

We have 2 now, ages 8 and 6. Girls both. Smart, funny, loving and heart stoppingly beautiful, but Im not an impartial party.  I'll private message you a link to our website if you like for pics. Shrug.


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## ScaredandUnsure

readyforbaby76 said:


> THANK YOU
> I would hope to nurse and long as I could too, and then pump - I hope it would work out that way for us. Also, what do you think about cloth diapers, i have been researching them (and everything baby related) and found some that are for newborns up to 30lbs. They are like $19 each but you can wash and reuse, Im wondering if this is a realistic way to save money.
> Wow, you had twins?? do they run in your family? honestly, secret god hubby would die, but i really would like 2 children, i'll be happy if he just agrees to one but twins would be wonderful! :smthumbup:


Yes, cloth diapers are great! Though I would really recommend waiting until a baby is born. I bought some online, really nice ones that I was so excited to use, but my daughter was a LOT bigger than my boys, so I ended up not using them haha. I will dig through some of the sites and PM them to you. They can be expensive all up front, but if you break it down to disposables, they are in the long run a lot cheaper. And they're so damn cute!

Yes, twins run in my family, and then I got preggers with my daughter when my twins where 6 months old. Honestly, it was easier than I though it was going to be, and it was nice because they always played together and kept each other busy


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## ScaredandUnsure

readyforbaby76 said:


> I know right?!?! He woulnd't be looking at names if he wasn't considering it right????
> He is just very PROUD and needs to decide this "on this own".
> He is also the breadwinner so to speaks, makes more than me and I want to be home with the baby, or atleast go down to part time, so this puts a big weight on him.
> BUT>>>>> i definitly think he's in or sort of in IF he's looking at names.
> I just need to wait i guess for him to give me the green light. I told him the other day that I had been doing some research and to let me know when he wants to talk about it. Its only been 36 hrs and Im friggin dieing over here!! LOL
> 
> I still have time though, I was on depoprovera and it doesn't run out til next month, so we technically can't even start trying til then, so why can't i just relax?
> 
> Thats funny on the names thing. Ainsley??? is that for a boy or girl?? Did you have your baby yet? how old/
> Names we seemed to agree on were
> Logan, Mason and Robert (after his deceased dad)
> Marlena and Chloe for girls
> 
> Ainsley?


I have a Robert


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## anotherguy

Note EVEN a close contest. Disposables and that magic diaper pail thingy that keeps the stinko down to a minimum. Oh - they went up in price again? I'll take the 50 pack please. Thankyouverymuch.

I think you are in serious danger of getting just a bit ahead of yourself.

Excited much!??!


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## readyforbaby76

yes pls send


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## readyforbaby76

anotherguy said:


> Note EVEN a close contest. Disposables and that magic diaper pail thingy that keeps the stinko down to a minimum. Oh - they went up in price again? I'll take the 50 pack please. Thankyouverymuch.
> 
> I think you are in serious danger of getting just a bit ahead of yourself.
> 
> Excited much!??!


YES im excited, and i have NO ONE to talk to. Hubby doesn't want me talking to any of our friends about this, because our big personal decision and we need to make it with eachother first. SOO i can't talk to anyone, and if i bring it up to him again he may kill me, so here i am, researching all kids of crapola all day long and no one to vomit all my information too! so yes im way ahead of myself, im prepping. LMAO!!!!
really glad i found this site so i can at least talk to some one about this. :lol:


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## readyforbaby76

UPDATE:

well good news!!!, yesterday morning i asked hubby if we could pick a day in the next few weeks to talk about baby stuff, his response was that i need to give him a few days without mentioning anything and thats its bothering him that I keep bringing it up.
Sooooo i said ok. we then left the house to go do errands, after errands we stopped at chili's to get lunch. While at lunch he asked what it was about "having a baby" did i want to talk about - so we started talking:smthumbup:
i told him what ive read about amniocentesis and some other things.
he then mentioned that he was surprised i have not done a cost analysis yet for what it would cost us to have a newborn, my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. :smthumbup:again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000?? :rofl:
so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
Then when we got home, i created my own sheet from lists on the bump.com and other baby sites and priced out stuff. THEN he and i went through my sheet and his and priced everything together and went through all the items!! IT WAS AWESOME!
so we talked through car seats, and crib, and what kind of baby bjorn i would want, etc., etc, im talking everything, he even looked at diaper bags and said he would want one a little more neutral so it wasn't a chick bag, in case he was going out with the baby.
IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY I COULD CRY! it just means that i really really think he is going to get there. yay yay yay! 

pretty cool huh?


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## SimplyAmorous

readyforbaby76 said:


> I am still scared of having kids and i want to ask, how hard is it?
> is raising an infant really aweful? what about teens, what about toddlers, how do you teach them to be good, respectable people, have you ever regretted having children?
> OMG so many questions. I hope you guys dont think im crazy. I just am still scared at this new decision and hubby doesn't want me to talk about it with ANYONE we know (until he decides either way if he wants them or not).
> 
> So how has your parenting experience been like? i know a loaded question!! do the positives outweigh the negatives?????
> 
> Any feedback would be really great please!!


These are not stupid questions. 1st of all, regardless of what you have grown up with and experienced, it is MOST important that :

1. You have a happy marraige - a happy MOm & dad makes for a happy family 

2. you & husband are ON THE SAME PAGE before you have kids

3. Agreeing on HOW to discpline will be a blessing as the years progress - mom & dad again needs to be on the same page, or kids will take advantage of this.

4. Deciding who will watch kids (childcare) if you both continue working. Sometimes it is counterproductive if the wife does not earn alot.

5. Good Health insurance sure helps. 


Me & my husband had 6 (ages toddler to college age), I consider having my children to be one of the greatest things I have ever done.... after marrying their dad. The good FAR outweighs the bad...(he would agree) 

They bring so much JOY to our lives, I can not imagine how boring it would be without them in our house. Even with all of my kids, I think I will be sad when "the empty nest " syndrome finally comes. ON top of this, we allow them endless friends in & out of our house , spending nights (last night I had 4 extra 14 yr olds here, cooked about 50 pancakes this morning )

OUr house is always full, lively and can be loud at times ...but somehow I love this and can handle it very well, I never get headaches , I can be a little rough with them at times , I have the "tough love " approach to parenting, 5 of them are boys, this seems to work very very well...for our family. 

Our kids are very well behaved... I think the secret to this is .... always be very "approachable" with them, open communication in all things- nothing should be off limits....We should not expect perfection from our kids, but HONESTY at every turn. And let them suffer consequences when they willingly disobey, do not bail them out of things. Our children come to us about everything & everything. Too many teens do not feel this way about their parents, I hear it from my kids friends even . 

Some parents are overly strict to the point of the kids hiding , resorting to lying to have a little fun, and others are too lenient, no boundaries at all.....BOTH extremes are BAD for parenting. 

The home MUST be a comforting place to fall, no matter what they face in school, sometimes kids get bullied , they want what other friends have, peer pressure compels them to go with a bad crowd, we need to instill within them, with our own example of living, that is not the answer... be who they are, stand up for what they believe. 



And it doesn't so much matter what WE were raised with --it is more about a vision for our own future... 

.... I did NOT have such a happy upbringing, my Mother left me at about age 10 & I was raised by a nasty step mother who was not a good example in my teens. I never even held a baby until I had my 1st, I knew very little about kids-I didn't even have siblings to fight with. When you have that nurse put that baby in your arms, I know for me, it was all instinct --plus I learned everything from reading . I knew more than most moms who were experienced. 

My mentors & inspiration was feeling a part of my best friends larger family growing up & many stories of my Grandmother . We all need some good examples ! 

I personally enjoyed the Baby years and the teen years the most.... Toddler and elementary years, I find I have less patience with them. My husband helps them with their homework. Babies, in my opionion are a breeze, I was a parent who insisted on them all using binkys -- quieted mine down all the time. I took advantage of baby swings, babies love the motion, but I never had any with colic, I don't feel that would be easy at all, it helps learning how to be a good multitasker, so you can get everything else down at home & keep up with baby so when dad hits the door, you are on top of things. 


And ....Don't forget DAD!! as this is the #1 problem New Mom's make.... Also be aware, if you choose to Breast feed....it is going to mess with your sex drive !! Dad will not like this at all. I never breast fed any of mine, they were all healthy & sound. Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive? | BabyCenter




> my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000??
> so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.


I am probably Type A myself, nothing wrong with that, I research everything near to death, I didn't even allow my kids to get the oral polio back when it was common because of my detailed research, I specifically asked their pedetrician for the "injectable Polio" (I knew the risks were lower) before they made it the "norm" in all vaccinations. I WANT to be up on everything, I do not like surprises , because I was ignornat on some fact that could have saved us. . He sounds like he will make a fine Dad in this respect. 

I had to laugh at the cost though, because 1st of all, I don't feel there is anything wrong with buying used baby everything, If I calculated my costs for 6 kids and all of this stuff it would be well below his figure of $10,000 . Garage sales, friends, Consignment shops , Ebay, plenty of fine deals to be had. Baby stuff is the easier things to find in the best condition! 

Congratulations on your hubby coming around !!


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## readyforbaby76

SimplyAmorous said:


> These are not stupid questions. 1st of all, regardless of what you have grown up with and experienced, it is MOST important that :
> 
> 1. You have a happy marraige - a happy MOm & dad makes for a happy family
> 
> 2. you & husband are ON THE SAME PAGE before you have kids
> 
> 3. Agreeing on HOW to discpline will be a blessing as the years progress - mom & dad again needs to be on the same page, or kids will take advantage of this.
> 
> 4. Deciding who will watch kids (childcare) if you both continue working. Sometimes it is counterproductive if the wife does not earn alot.
> 
> 5. Good Health insurance sure helps.
> 
> 
> Me & my husband had 6 (ages toddler to college age), I consider having my children to be one of the greatest things I have ever done.... after marrying their dad. The good FAR outweighs the bad...(he would agree)
> 
> They bring so much JOY to our lives, I can not imagine how boring it would be without them in our house. Even with all of my kids, I think I will be sad when "the empty nest " syndrome finally comes. ON top of this, we allow them endless friends in & out of our house , spending nights (last night I had 4 extra 14 yr olds here, cooked about 50 pancakes this morning )
> 
> OUr house is always full, lively and can be loud at times ...but somehow I love this and can handle it very well, I never get headaches , I can be a little rough with them at times , I have the "tough love " approach to parenting, 5 of them are boys, this seems to work very very well...for our family.
> 
> Our kids are very well behaved... I think the secret to this is .... always be very "approachable" with them, open communication in all things- nothing should be off limits....We should not expect perfection from our kids, but HONESTY at every turn. And let them suffer consequences when they willingly disobey, do not bail them out of things. Our children come to us about everything & everything. Too many teens do not feel this way about their parents, I hear it from my kids friends even .
> 
> Some parents are overly strict to the point of the kids hiding , resorting to lying to have a little fun, and others are too lenient, no boundaries at all.....BOTH extremes are BAD for parenting.
> 
> The home MUST be a comforting place to fall, no matter what they face in school, sometimes kids get bullied , they want what other friends have, peer pressure compels them to go with a bad crowd, we need to instill within them, with our own example of living, that is not the answer... be who they are, stand up for what they believe.
> 
> 
> 
> And it doesn't so much matter what WE were raised with --it is more about a vision for our own future...
> 
> .... I did NOT have such a happy upbringing, my Mother left me at about age 10 & I was raised by a nasty step mother who was not a good example in my teens. I never even held a baby until I had my 1st, I knew very little about kids-I didn't even have siblings to fight with. When you have that nurse put that baby in your arms, I know for me, it was all instinct --plus I learned everything from reading . I knew more than most moms who were experienced.
> 
> My mentors & inspiration was feeling a part of my best friends larger family growing up & many stories of my Grandmother . We all need some good examples !
> 
> I personally enjoyed the Baby years and the teen years the most.... Toddler and elementary years, I find I have less patience with them. My husband helps them with their homework. Babies, in my opionion are a breeze, I was a parent who insisted on them all using binkys -- quieted mine down all the time. I took advantage of baby swings, babies love the motion, but I never had any with colic, I don't feel that would be easy at all, it helps learning how to be a good multitasker, so you can get everything else down at home & keep up with baby so when dad hits the door, you are on top of things.
> 
> 
> And ....Don't forget DAD!! as this is the #1 problem New Mom's make.... Also be aware, if you choose to Breast feed....it is going to mess with your sex drive !! Dad will not like this at all. I never breast fed any of mine, they were all healthy & sound. Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive? | BabyCenter
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am probably Type A myself, nothing wrong with that, I research everything near to death, I didn't even allow my kids to get the oral polio back when it was common because of my detailed research, I specifically asked their pedetrician for the "injectable Polio" (I knew the risks were lower) before they made it the "norm" in all vaccinations. I WANT to be up on everything, I do not like surprises , because I was ignornat on some fact that could have saved us. . He sounds like he will make a fine Dad in this respect.
> 
> I had to laugh at the cost though, because 1st of all, I don't feel there is anything wrong with buying used baby everything, If I calculated my costs for 6 kids and all of this stuff it would be well below his figure of $10,000 . Garage sales, friends, Consignment shops , Ebay, plenty of fine deals to be had. Baby stuff is the easier things to find in the best condition!
> 
> Congratulations on your hubby coming around !!


quick question, how did you afford formula? we are thinking breastfeeding to save on costs, i just searched formula incase we can't breastfeed and it looks like $12/day. OMG is that right?


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## SimplyAmorous

readyforbaby76 said:


> 2) my age 35, and down sydrome possibility, then getting an amniocentesis


 I was worried about this also, I had my last one at age 40, but I opted for the level 3 sonogram -combined with blood test What is a level 3 ultrasound and why are they needed after age 35

...When my odds came back as good as a 20 yrs old to having a down syndrome baby , I stopped there. skipped the Amnio. 




> 4) cost, he told me he was at walmart and looked at the formula and it was over $30 for a can, he said how are we going to afford that???


 Don't know about your income, but even if you don't qualify for WIC, they give alot of coupons for formula to new mothers, you can also find in bargain shopper guides Mom's selling un opened forumula cans, (Powder is cheapest -if they still make it )

Wic guidelines here Income Eligibility Guidelines


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## readyforbaby76

we would not be able to get WIC. I'm reseaching formula costs.........


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## golfergirl

readyforbaby76 said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> well good news!!!, yesterday morning i asked hubby if we could pick a day in the next few weeks to talk about baby stuff, his response was that i need to give him a few days without mentioning anything and thats its bothering him that I keep bringing it up.
> Sooooo i said ok. we then left the house to go do errands, after errands we stopped at chili's to get lunch. While at lunch he asked what it was about "having a baby" did i want to talk about - so we started talking:smthumbup:
> i told him what ive read about amniocentesis and some other things.
> he then mentioned that he was surprised i have not done a cost analysis yet for what it would cost us to have a newborn, my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. :smthumbup:again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000?? :rofl:
> so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
> Then when we got home, i created my own sheet from lists on the bump.com and other baby sites and priced out stuff. THEN he and i went through my sheet and his and priced everything together and went through all the items!! IT WAS AWESOME!
> so we talked through car seats, and crib, and what kind of baby bjorn i would want, etc., etc, im talking everything, he even looked at diaper bags and said he would want one a little more neutral so it wasn't a chick bag, in case he was going out with the baby.
> IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY I COULD CRY! it just means that i really really think he is going to get there. yay yay yay!
> 
> pretty cool huh?


Very cool - had last 2 babies at 39 and 42 and all is well! Opt for triple screen before amnio - it can give you peace of mind without risk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScaredandUnsure

readyforbaby76 said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> well good news!!!, yesterday morning i asked hubby if we could pick a day in the next few weeks to talk about baby stuff, his response was that i need to give him a few days without mentioning anything and thats its bothering him that I keep bringing it up.
> Sooooo i said ok. we then left the house to go do errands, after errands we stopped at chili's to get lunch. While at lunch he asked what it was about "having a baby" did i want to talk about - so we started talking:smthumbup:
> i told him what ive read about amniocentesis and some other things.
> he then mentioned that he was surprised i have not done a cost analysis yet for what it would cost us to have a newborn, my husband is very type A and he does TONS of research and prepares for everything. he then told me that he has been doing his own research and found several baby checklists on line and has made spreadsheets with costs associated with everything. :smthumbup:again yay! that he's even done this! so he came up with like $10,000 for start up costs, crib, basinet, carseat, stroller, etcetc etc but $10,000?? :rofl:
> so i told him i think he was pricing too high but that im glad he did it.
> Then when we got home, i created my own sheet from lists on the bump.com and other baby sites and priced out stuff. THEN he and i went through my sheet and his and priced everything together and went through all the items!! IT WAS AWESOME!
> so we talked through car seats, and crib, and what kind of baby bjorn i would want, etc., etc, im talking everything, he even looked at diaper bags and said he would want one a little more neutral so it wasn't a chick bag, in case he was going out with the baby.
> IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY I COULD CRY! it just means that i really really think he is going to get there. yay yay yay!
> 
> pretty cool huh?


Yay! That is great 
Also, as much fun as it is buying wee little baby things, they grow out of it soooo fast, so you could always go to the gently used baby stores. I shopped like that with my last one and it was so much cheaper  Obviously car seat and cribs are one thing, but clothing is another. It doesn't have to be very expensive.

Again, if you need any advice or just someone to talk to PM me. I'm glad to help


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## Cherry

Do some research on twins at your age too . I got pregnant at 35, we have 3 year old twins. Something to do with hyperovulation.... They're fun, but you must have an extra strong marriage to handle double the stress 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## readyforbaby76

thanks all! twins??!


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## Cherry

LOL, yes ma'am. Everyone I know who's had twins have been in their mid 30's. They do present a whole other set of challenges... BUT if you want two children, you're done... You only have to endure pregnancy once. I'd Google search it and just see what you can find out on your age and pregnancy. Besides 30 is the new 20!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Obviously car seat and cribs are one thing, but clothing is another. It doesn't have to be very expensive.


I bought the whole beautiful woodern crib for our 1st one....hardly used the thing at all . I would recommend one ofo these wonderful versatile Pack & plays... with a built in bassinet -you can place these things right beside your bed - so the baby is right there breathing next to you- and not in your bed ... peace of mind, can pack them up, take them places, who needs a crib ! 

Nice example here - great reviews >> Amazon.com: Graco Pack 'N Play Playard with Bassinet, Kensly: Baby


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## golfergirl

SimplyAmorous said:


> I bought the whole beautiful woodern crib for our 1st one....hardly used the thing at all . I would recommend one ofo these wonderful versatile Pack & plays... with a built in bassinet -you can place these things right beside your bed - so the baby is right there breathing next to you- and not in your bed ... peace of mind, can pack them up, take them places, who needs a crib !
> 
> Nice example here - great reviews >> Amazon.com: Graco Pack 'N Play Playard with Bassinet, Kensly: Baby


I too bought and hardly used the bassinet. Our bedroom is big enough we set the crib up in with us first few months. Don't let the Down's Syndrome thing freak you out, the doctor explained the thing to me and it's a numbers thing. He's been delivering babies for 30 years and delivered 2 DS babies - one to a woman in late teens and the other to woman in her 20's.
I loved my angel care baby monitor. $110 and if baby stops breathing it alarms. Very cheap peace of mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## readyforbaby76

Cherry said:


> LOL, yes ma'am. Everyone I know who's had twins have been in their mid 30's. They do present a whole other set of challenges... BUT if you want two children, you're done... You only have to endure pregnancy once. I'd Google search it and just see what you can find out on your age and pregnancy. Besides 30 is the new 20!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I would honestly be thrilled with twins, so that I could have two and only have to endure pregnancy once. Although hubby might have a heart attack....


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## readyforbaby76

SimplyAmorous said:


> I bought the whole beautiful woodern crib for our 1st one....hardly used the thing at all . I would recommend one ofo these wonderful versatile Pack & plays... with a built in bassinet -you can place these things right beside your bed - so the baby is right there breathing next to you- and not in your bed ... peace of mind, can pack them up, take them places, who needs a crib !
> 
> Nice example here - great reviews >> Amazon.com: Graco Pack 'N Play Playard with Bassinet, Kensly: Baby


Thats so funny! when we were going through the spreadsheets today he found this for our basinet and convinced me it was better cuz we could take with us and also use and pack and play! great suggestion!! thank you:smthumbup:


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## readyforbaby76

So, you guys are saying we might not need to get the amnio, and that the other test, 3rd screening or something is just as sufficient?
Once we do conceive, I know i'll be terrified of miscarriage, it seems to be so common, at least lately, i know about 5 women that have misccaried


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## golfergirl

readyforbaby76 said:


> So, you guys are saying we might not need to get the amnio, and that the other test, 3rd screening or something is just as sufficient?
> Once we do conceive, I know i'll be terrified of miscarriage, it seems to be so common, at least lately, i know about 5 women that have misccaried


I'd read up on options. I'm Canadian and they offer a blood test called Triple Screen. I was all gung ho for an amnio when my doctor asked if I would abort if DS found. Personal choice but I said no (you don't have to answer - not any of our business), but just research other procedures and see if there are others - less invasive that meet your needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy

readyforbaby76 said:


> So, you guys are saying we might not need to get the amnio, and that the other test, 3rd screening or something is just as sufficient?
> Once we do conceive, I know i'll be terrified of miscarriage, it seems to be so common, at least lately, i know about 5 women that have misccaried


Relax, you may not need any special screening at all - again - why dont you talk to your doctor once you both get to that point.

Twins? I wouldnt overthink that one either. Yeah, there is a minor uptick in women over 35 having twins, but it is still about 30 per 1,000 births.. and the data show that roughly 2/3rds of that may be attributed to fertility treatments that are often used by older women, and little things like hyperovulation that can occur when women come off the pill.

Costs? Its good to get a handle on it... but really - 'startup costs' will be whatever you make them to be to some extent. Babies dont need much... some warm blankets, a place to sleep and some clothes. The rest - lets face it - is your (perfectly fine - even admirable) desire to indulge an comfort the little one. You may find neigbor/friends/relatives *more* that ready to dump stuff on you (gads - we gave away tons, and tons of stuff.. high chairs, toys, clothes, more clothes, bottle warmer, etc, etc..)... and you will have a laundry list of things to buy too.

What I would say about formula: Its a wash. I think mom needs to eat right in any case but you may be eating more if you are nursing - or spending more on formula if you dont. In either case - make the choice that you are comfortable with but I believe the cost savings argument doesnt carry much water. (or milk. ;-) )

Miscarriage? It happens - as often as 25% or so. Its not a failure on your part if it does occur - its just natures way of saying that things are not as perfect as they should be and you can try again. So keep that in mind before you go blabbering to everyone beyond the select few.  . It can save you having to 'explain' everything a zillion times.

Miscarriage : American Pregnancy Association


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## readyforbaby76

Thanks for the responses. I think hubby and I are in a good place after our discussions this past week. I am hopeful that next month when my depo wears off that we can start trying, or at least stop preventing and see what happens 
Thanks all and I'll keep you posted! YAY!!!


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## readyforbaby76

Another thing to add or question for you all is...........A concern for both hubby and I when it comes to having children, is will it effect our marriage negatively?

Are there any suggestions you can give me as the mom/wife so this doesn't happen. My relationship with hubby is very important to me and I dont want to end up hurting our marriage by bringing a child into it.


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## anotherguy

It changes things, no doubt about it. For us... It's been a big positive. Challenges of course, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

There was a thread on this recently... Keep in mind the audience who is participating... ;-)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...did-kids-make-your-marriage-better-worse.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## readyforbaby76

anotherguy said:


> It changes things, no doubt about it. For us... It's been a big positive. Challenges of course, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
> 
> There was a thread on this recently... Keep in mind the audience who is participating... ;-)
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...did-kids-make-your-marriage-better-worse.html
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



ya i saw it. thought maybe putting it here id get different views....lol


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## readyforbaby76

Ok, so hoping for you all to respond..........hubby just sent me an email asking for some time to think. very very nice email - here is a piece

"Listen, I'm not mad...truly. I just feel pressured and it's getting in the way of me considering this. You're SO set on this and I just am not there yet, I haven't even been given the chance to get there. It's just DONE in your eyes which is not fair and I need you to relax. 

Can't we just enjoy each other for a little while, while I think about this? I don't think it's a lot to ask and need to process this fairly so please figure out a way to do it, if you can. If not, then I'm just being up front with the challenges it's presenting on me considering this whole thing. 

Listen, I love you and want to be honest with you as I know this is important to you and it is to me too."

Sooo, of course i responded to him and thanked him for being so good, to date. and then said i would give him time and that he was right and I need to relax.......... 

NOW for you all to answer please I know im aweful to ask, but HOW MUCH TIME DO I NEED TO GIVE HIM BEFORE I CAN BRING THIS UP AGAIN? A week, two weeks, its going to be hard to not make any comments baby related, a month??? what do you think?
each day is going to be tough for me. especially seeing i can't talk to anyone else.
Ok tell me what you think?! thanks in advance.


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## anotherguy

OK. To me, the time frame is not 'days' here. The time frame is weeks or months.

When is your anniversary? Thats when we usually brought it up together.. usually when we were having a good meal at some restaurant with a bottle of wine - talking about the past year(s) and generally us. Seemed to be an easy time to bring it up.. and choices about life in general. I'll have to ask my wife if it was me of her that brought it up the last time. I sortof think it was me, knowing it was on her mind - but Im not sure. Im going to check, actually - I have no doubt she knows - she has a photographic memory for that sort of thing.

Based on your postings here - I would say you are totally consumed with it.  Not a bad thing, but yeah - I would make a considerable effort to lay off for a little bit. Its not like he doesnt know where you stand ("...Its just DONE in your eyes...") - and I think you really really (really) want him to feel like it was his 'choice' too...eventually. Hopefully. 

In the end - like I said before... he may never be fully 'ready' ever - especially if he is the type to make spreadsheets of babys names even before he has bought into the program... its such a big unknown for that type of personality. So many uncontrollable variables right? How will it affect the relationship between you 2? ("...cant we just enjoy each other...") Cost? An infant, really? - do I need that kind of responsibility? Total loss of independance? Ahhhh there is the rub.

What may eventually outweigh the uncertainly.. as it did for me... was the acceptance that we were going to have a baby someday. That we were moving into a new phase of our lives - much as I was happy with the current 'phase'. I was never going to be able to say 'no' to my wife on such a thing and that if its going to happen - its going to, ought to happen soon unless I wanted to be in a walker when our kids got out of highschool. When I started thinking about it that way - it seemd to make more sense, though I was nervous.

Now you know, and can probably appreciate what the phrase 'her clock is ticking' actually means?  Dont worry, you still have some time to ease into it.


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## readyforbaby76

I know Im aweful, yes consumed is a way to put it. I NEED to focus on something else for the next few weeks at least.
What about Valentines Day? I could make that my "goal" - NOT mention one peep about it until Feb 14th.
does that sound reasonable? im trying here. lol


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## readyforbaby76

Our anniversary is midsummer, no way in hell i could go 6 months without talking about it. Especially since I plan to stop taking my BC at the end of Feb....


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## anotherguy

Yeah - you are losing me here if you are planning to stop birth control on your own. Thats crazy.

I think summer would be a perfect time. Valentines is only 26 days away. Honest - you JUST brought it up right? You think 6 months is far to long to wait? What that would do is give him plenty (PLENTY) of time to bring it up himself. (Wouldnt that be great if he did?) If it doesnt happen by the summer, then you would be perfectly reasonable raise the issue to start pushing for a decision I think.

Hopefully some ladies can jump in here and offer some advice too since I'm only a guy.


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## readyforbaby76

ok i should have elaborated, its because im on the depo shot, im due to get it again next month, but i want to get off it for various reasons, the biggest being that I want to try to conceive.
For women on depo and then they try to conceive, it can take months to years to get pregnant. Depo really messes with your body. Worse than regular bc pills does. 

Feb 24th is when I need my next shot, so my options are 1) go on a pill form off bc or 2) not take anything. 
Maybe i'll wait til feb 20 or so and then say to hubby, ok im due for depo this week, (he knows i want off it) "would you like me to start a bc pill OR are you ok going off completely" and see what he says.
Either way, i do not want to continue with depo..............so i figured i'll ask him - 
that ok? 
or should i just switch to a pill form ? nah i can't do that/??!??!?! lol


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## anotherguy

Talk to you doctor.

I think no matter what you do, you should get some info on the transition from depo or pill to getting pregnant - that way you can both plan and set your expectations. If you have that info before your next shot then at least you will know what you are doing. If you find that it can be harder to conceive after depo then you have a valid reason to jump to something like the pill if it provides an easier transition when you plan to get off BC totally. I dont know what the science says - it may make little difference. Find out from the doc (or even pharmacist actually) and dont listen to too many anecdotes and horror stories.


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## anotherguy

see:

http://labeling.pfizer.com/ShowLabeling.aspx?id=522

"Return to ovulation and fertility is likely to be delayed after stopping Depo-Provera CI. In a large US study of women who discontinued use of Depo-Provera CI to become pregnant, data are available for 61% of them. Of the 188 women who discontinued the study to become pregnant, 114 became pregnant. Based on Life-Table analysis of these data, it is expected that 68% of women who do become pregnant may conceive within 12 months, 83% may conceive within 15 months, and 93% may conceive within 18 months from the last injection. The median time to conception for those who do conceive is 10 months following the last injection with a range of 4 to 31 months, and is unrelated to the duration of use. No data are available for 39% of the patients who discontinued Depo-Provera CI to become pregnant and who were lost to follow-up or changed their mind."


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## readyforbaby76

when I first "broke the news' to hubby about wanting to start a family, I booked a "preconception appt" with obgyn that perscribes my depo. he was even going to come with me as he and I both had a lot of questions but had a work mtg last minute.
SO i just went, he made me bring his list of questions too. 
I discussed all of this with her. Basically she said the sooner i stop depo and start trying the better, she said "dont drag your heels"


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## anotherguy

Ha!!

"Dont drag your heels."

Too funny. She should have just said "Whats taking you so long, get moving! Hurry up! Tick-Tick-TICK!"

What I read is conception most frequently happening in 12-18 months after depo. The tricky part is that.. you know... it could take 3 months maybe. or 2 years. It also says it is 'unrelated to duration of use'. (See Phizer link above)

Note however that it is normal anyway for women over 35 to take 1-2 years to get preggers, and that isnt all that different. It may just take a little time. Maybe. Place your bets.

Trying to Conceive after age 35 : American Pregnancy Association

Its not bad news. Believe me, 'trying' to get prego is fun.


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## readyforbaby76

Yup, I have read it all and still am researching. Im hoping it doesn't take us too long. But im going to stick with my plan, not mention a thing about baby stuff until im due for depo, then remind him im due and that im not getting it and see if he's "comfortable" with me going off BC completely. Hopefully he is and then we can start trying. I made it last night without saying anything! LOL
one night down, 35 more to go! lmao!! wish me luck


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## asylumspadez

The good thing is that you are older and more mature then lets say having a baby at 25. You know a lot of time, money, effort, and sacrifice is needed for a baby and so does your husband, that is why I think he is "dragging his feet" a little.

He has to sacrifice a lot of the things he enjoys in order to have a baby and even though I think he wants to have a baby with you, I think he always doesnt wanna give up everything that he enjoys either (everything may be exaggerating a bit but you know what I mean).

Best of luck to the both of you though, Hope everything works out.


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## FirstYearDown

anotherguy said:


> Yeah - you are losing me here if you are planning to stop birth control on your own. Thats crazy.
> 
> I think summer would be a perfect time. Valentines is only 26 days away. Honest - you JUST brought it up right? You think 6 months is far to long to wait? What that would do is give him plenty (PLENTY) of time to bring it up himself. (Wouldnt that be great if he did?) If it doesnt happen by the summer, then you would be perfectly reasonable raise the issue to start pushing for a decision I think.
> 
> Hopefully some ladies can jump in here and offer some advice too since I'm only a guy.


Stopping birth control on your own is sneaky and unfair. Why should your husband be forced into fatherhood? Women do these things and then complain that their partners are apathetic parents. Having a child should be a *mutual *decision. 

Leave the poor man alone for a little while. You owe him that much respect as your husband; he has politely asked for more time, so give that to him.

I must agree that Depo is awful. It caused me to gain weight and when I came off it, it took 6 months for my period to return. My cycle was not regular until I went on the Pill.


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## readyforbaby76

Small Update: I have still not mentioned anything about "baby" and its been since last week, this is big for me. Im excited and hopeful that giving DH this time will help. I truly believe he wants to have a baby but like many of you said, is still struggling with the things he enjoys that will change once the baby is here. 

Fingers crossed and updates will follow................thanks all :smthumbup:


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## readyforbaby76

FirstYearDown said:


> Stopping birth control on your own is sneaky and unfair. Why should your husband be forced into fatherhood? Women do these things and then complain that their partners are apathetic parents. Having a child should be a *mutual *decision.
> 
> Leave the poor man alone for a little while. You owe him that much respect as your husband; he has politely asked for more time, so give that to him.
> 
> I must agree that Depo is awful. It caused me to gain weight and when I came off it, it took 6 months for my period to return. My cycle was not regular until I went on the Pill.



I would *NEVER EVER* stop bc without telling him. We have been discussing me stopping the Depo for months, you must not have read all the posts...................OMG i would NEVER do that to him. I only want this child IF HE DOES TOO....
Like right now, I would be devastated if I became pregnant "right now" because he ISN"T READY YET< and then he would be forced into it. I do not want that.


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## FirstYearDown

Glad to hear that you understand the importance of choice for your husband. 

Would you *really *be devastated if you became pregnant now?


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## readyforbaby76

No, I would not really be devastated if I became pregnant now. I would actually be thrilled. BUT, I would also be very concerned about dh, as he isn't "there yet" in regards to having children as I am, and i would be concerned about him being "forced" into the situation before he got there on his own.........

I know my DH will be an amazing supportive dad but ONLY if he "gets there" on his own. If it was sprung on him before he was ready, I would worry about him having resentments down the road, you know?


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## readyforbaby76

So im busting at the seems over here, so I figured maybe posting here would help me.

Im honoring my dh's request to NOT bring up the baby thing for a while. I have until the end of Feb to NOT bring it up and im dieing. I just want to talk about it with him.

He mentioned the other day that he is having trouble remembering to take all his new supplements. 
I guess he researched online what he would need to take to boost his health and get him ready to have a baby. To boost male fertility. We had gone to cvs about a month ago and he bought a bunch of stuff, i asked about it and he said "well if we decide to have a baby, i want to be ready when the time comes" - so that is why he bought all that stuff. That same evening I mentioned (this was when i was talking baby stuff all the time) so anyway, i mentioned i had found FertilAid online and that they have it for men and women and that this would be something I would like to research if we decide to have kids. 
we are both over 35 and IF we decide to start a family we are realistic about fertility and that it may not "happen" right away.......
So, now i find out that he not only ordered it, but has been taking it for 3 weeks! He mentions this yesterday as he's telling me he's having a hard time remembering to take all his supplements, now im ****ing screaming inside and trying not to do back hamstrings and remain calm, and he says ya im taking this stuff so "IF" we decide to have kids, i know i will have done what needs to be done to help with male fertility.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
AHHHHH
so, i mean im dieing!??!?! All I want to do is talk more about this but i know i can't.
BUT i mean, there is no way he would be doing all this stuff and then come out in a few weeks and say "well i decided i DONT want kids" right?????

Part of me feels like he's torturing me, like its his own control thing or something/!?!?!

i know that not it and i should be thrilled but i just want to talk about it with him. My BC runs out at the end of Feb so that means we "could" start trying then and im just so excited!!!!:smthumbup:

im dieing.....


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## readyforbaby76

The more I sit here and think about this, the more mad I get. I want to talk to him and I think it sucks that I can't speak about the baby thing ...........

Maybe i should also mention that he JUST booked a trip to go out of the country with some buddies to Octoberfest in germany. He'll be gone for 11 days and im really worried about this. Im afraid something will happen to him while he's gone. I have lost a lot of people in my life and im worried he wont come home, I know its silly but its how i feel.
I pray to god that im pregnant by then so at least if something happens, i'll at least have a part of him still with me. Does that sound really messed up? and I can't say any of this to him, i can't talk it through and its making me mad. I mean of course i can say im worried about the trip and that he wont come home safely but .............. I WANNA TALK ABOUT BABY!!!!!!!!!! LMFAO 


someone help!


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## carla

Hi sweety, 
I can understand the way you feel as I'm on the same mess actually!!!I'm 36 and I met my current partner on a dating website for older women and younger men toyboywarehouse.com as I could see I was more successful among younger men than older
Btw the problem is that he doesn't want children for the time being but my biological clock is running fast and I'm afraid that when he will feel ready for this it will be too late for me!!
xx


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## anotherguy

readyforbaby76 said:


> So im busting at the seems over here, so I figured maybe posting here would help me.
> 
> Im honoring my dh's request to NOT bring up the baby thing for a while. I have until the end of Feb to NOT bring it up and im dieing. I just want to talk about it with him.
> 
> He mentioned the other day that he is having trouble remembering to take all his new supplements.
> I guess he researched online what he would need to take to boost his health and get him ready to have a baby. To boost male fertility. We had gone to cvs about a month ago and he bought a bunch of stuff, i asked about it and he said "well if we decide to have a baby, i want to be ready when the time comes" - so that is why he bought all that stuff. That same evening I mentioned (this was when i was talking baby stuff all the time) so anyway, i mentioned i had found FertilAid online and that they have it for men and women and that this would be something I would like to research if we decide to have kids.
> we are both over 35 and IF we decide to start a family we are realistic about fertility and that it may not "happen" right away.......
> So, now i find out that he not only ordered it, but has been taking it for 3 weeks! He mentions this yesterday as he's telling me he's having a hard time remembering to take all his supplements, now im ****ing screaming inside and trying not to do back hamstrings and remain calm, and he says ya im taking this stuff so "IF" we decide to have kids, i know i will have done what needs to be done to help with male fertility.
> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
> AHHHHH
> so, i mean im dieing!??!?! All I want to do is talk more about this but i know i can't.
> BUT i mean, there is no way he would be doing all this stuff and then come out in a few weeks and say "well i decided i DONT want kids" right?????
> 
> Part of me feels like he's torturing me, like its his own control thing or something/!?!?!
> 
> i know that not it and i should be thrilled but i just want to talk about it with him. My BC runs out at the end of Feb so that means we "could" start trying then and im just so excited!!!!:smthumbup:
> 
> im dieing.....


(shrug). Go easy on the suppliments. All you need to do is eat like a human and not live on twinkies. Latest research shows little, if any, justification for the widespread us of suppliments, and chronic use even suggests they can do harm. The mindset of 'it cant hurt' or 'its better than nothing' just doesnt hold water. Your fine. Really. 

Mortality in Randomized Trials of Antioxidant Supplements for Primary and Secondary Prevention, February 28, 2007, Bjelakovic et al. 297 (8): 842

Multivitamin use and risk of cancer and card... [Arch Intern Med. 2009] - PubMed - NCBI

Hey, February is just about here, your doing fine. Dont stress out.... 

Unless of course... you want a girl: 
Stress Early in Pregnancy Linked to Fewer Baby Boys - US News and World Report


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## readyforbaby76

Thanks AnotherGuy
Im trying to be strong. Today is Feb 1st and depo runs out Feb 24th woooooooooooohoooooooooooo
so i get to bring it up then or maybe a few days before! yay!
and im really excited. I mean, why would he take the time to research things to take to get himself healthy, if he was going to turn around and say NO.
I just want to get him onboard so then the two of us can start talking about ALL the other stuff! 

Thanks again for chiming in when I post and for your insight. As you can tell, i am nervous about my fertility after depo, but hey you never know - i could be one of the lucky ones that conceives right away 

fingers crossed!!


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## anotherguy

I wouldnt know you 2 from a hole in the wall, but you sound a little bit like us. Honestly - I wasnt really on board at first even though we made the decision to do it. Once she got pregnant though - I DID get excited and was suddenly an enthusiastic participant in everything. 

I think a turning point for me..when I look back on it... was when I was working on re-doing one of our 'spare' bedrooms for a nursery. Emptying it completely.. scraping and cleaning windows, painting.. painting things on the walls, making it all pristine and full of happiness, warmth and light. Then we both spent weeks (months) getting furniture and mobiles and curtains and bedding and clothing and little lamps, and a rocking chair, and good music system and little diaper bags and picture frames and all the zillion little other things. Believe me - you will have plenty of time once you see 2 little stripes on your pee strip, to both get excited and involved.

You will both be fine, but cripes you both need to relax! Between his frenetic list making and research and your hypervenilating and barely contained excitement - you are both going to have a stroke. 

You gotta find someone you know that has had kids, so you can let a little steam out of the kettle.


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## readyforbaby76

lmfao, thats awesome!! 

and yes, you are right. luckily for me, i workout like a mad women, just an hour a day but its a huge release for me.

Talk soon AG!


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