# facebook involvement



## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Informal poll: 

For either the WS or the BS - how much did FB (or other social media) play into the devlopment of an A?

My WW reconnected with one of her HS boyfriends via FB and it developed into some kind of A. Reading through these posts, it seems that FB has opened the gates to infidelity. Before, the past was the past. Now the past can IM you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

None, really. Both mine and my husband's began on World of Warcraft and moved to text/email. Facebook was just for playing Farmville, Cityville, etc. We were all friends on there, but really, it was WoW and texting.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My fiancé met his EA through meetup, just like he met me and also through the same meetup group. They dated before he met me. And then she resurfaced. 

If I had been watching his FB wall at the time, it would have been clear to me that someone else was taking up his time.

The stats are: over the 18 months that they were FB friends, she signed onto his wall 15 times. 8 of those times during the 3 months that he was seeing her. And of those 8, 3 of those postings were during the week before I returned to London after visiting my family for a month. I know that she knew when I was returning because I have the text messages between them. Only once before those 3 months and the rest afterwards.

I pointed this out to my fiancé how she felt the need to comment on his article sharing and always relate it to her profession as a social worker. Then he remarked, well, some of those articles were actually about social work........he had just dug himself into a deeper.

I would advise anyone who starts to date someone to FB that person. They can learn a lot about that person very quickly.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

MH met the OW on FB, she was a friend of ours and ex co worker too. She told him that she had a crush on him for the longest time. Like when they hung out before we started to date. He told me he was infactated with her, always has been he said at DDay.


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## agent4125 (Mar 14, 2012)

FB was the instrument my (now) ex-wife used to set up trysts. FB played a huge role.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Ex wife's former boyfriend contacted her on FB and they had a two year EA/PA that destroyed our marriage.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

My wife's EA started with another damn social networking site..Tagged.com. I made an account there and checked it out thoroughly...It's all about hooking up, mainly. If your spouse has an account there...be very suspicious. In my opinion, ANY social network account is reason to be concerned. Married people DO NOT belong in these places any more than they should be alone in singles bars. Heck, all these sites are nothing more than electronic singles bars. They should all be taken down.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

100% FB, my WW started communicating with old high school friends. That later developed into sexting over FB chat. 

Would it have happened some other way in the absence of FB? Maybe, but FB does make it easy to stay in contact with people you have no business staying in contact with.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Facebook was the start of my problem with my wife when an ex-boyfriend of my wife's contacted my sister-in-law on Facebookand my sister-in-law connected them. I became aware of it by the time the second round of e-mails went between them. I confronted and prevented what could have been a disaster. 

Long story short, I blocked his e-mail address at the ISP and Facebook's IP address at the router (for a whole year, the kids were pissed). One week of difficulty between us before we reached a conclusion, but the end result was no further contact.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

FB was the start of my inappropriate relationship that turned into a EA/PA. OM was a friend of ours, he sent me a message on my birthday last year for the first time, then we started messaging back and forth over the next couple of months. He also commented on my posts/pictures/whatever all the time, to the point that my H would say that it's weird. I have to admit that I thought the attention was sweet. We took things off of FB before things got really inappropriate, but I would say that FB certainly provided a means to get things started. Looking back on it, I am so ashamed and hate myself for it.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

No FB at all. OM can barely operate a computer (a toaster is about his technological limit) and my ww doesn't have any friends.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Thats why some have inserted another "F" word in place of the "Face" word in Facebook to describe how that site has aided in the destruction of marriages/relationships!!!


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## MrDude (Jun 21, 2010)

FB had a big part in my wife's A. From there it expanded to different chat programs ( google, skype, you name it she probably tried it).


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

The OM used fb to develop intimacy with my wife, and wear down her defences over several months. They eventually moved off fb mostly, but would use it to signal each other to go to goggle chat for example. Ironically, it was because my wife changed her fb password, didn't tell me, and evaded the browser password saving that prompted me to keylog the computer. So fb both facilitated and busted the affair in a way.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Our marriage counselor told us, if there is a devil Facebook is his best friend. Besides our own Fb problems, he had two other couples heading for divorce because of Fb induced infidelity.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I thought this incident involving Facebook was interesting:

She 'likes' everything he does - Love Letters - Relationships questions, advice and more


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I knew there was internet play. I don't know if it was fb. I thought it was icq and some gaming. 

It is a shame that we have to blame our spouses infidelity and lack of self control on technology. I know it was not the internet. It was my ex and me. If we had communicated our wants and needs, if we knew what those needs were, this may never have happened. If it did anyway, we may, really I may, have been better prepared.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

HUGE. Wouldn't have happened without Facebook. Facebook was how it started and the major way we communicated. The really ironic part - the only reason I ever opened a Facebook account was to see who my wife communicating with.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

In my case, FB was not how my wife's affair started, but it certainly gave them every opportunity to communicate with each other every day for for a year and a half.

But ironically, had I not recovered almost 4000 of his FB messages to her, I would never have been able to discover their PA.

It still amazes me how many cheaters are caught that way and how stupid they are. In fact, I would love to see a poll on how BS's found out about their CS's affair. My guess would be texts, followed by FB, then e-mails. 

Maybe I'll try to figure out how to do that poll on here, but what do you all think?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

None, actually believe it or not.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

If not for FB, OW never would have contacted WH. It was a "Hey - remember me from 6 years ago when I was one of your soldiers? I always had a crush on you." Boo.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

is there a way to crack into their facebook? i will install a keylogger this wk....

yeah, facebook has certainly contributed to my wife's mlc. or at least helped in enabling.


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

none that I know of. My FWW cancelled her account shortly after we reconciled. It was the one account I never was able to gain access too, so i don't know if she actually contacted him through there or not. I do know she was friends with some other phucktard that wanted in her pants, and I had my eye on for awhile. to my knowledge, nothing ever came of it. 


Ironically. My ex GF, whom I didn't end things with on peaceful terms, started contacting me via FB. I heard through the grapevine that things were not going well in her relationship, and although we never really discussed anything in detail, and it was all small talk, I nipped it in the bud pretty quickly, and even told my wife. 

Guess I am not wired like that.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

yeah W has a few guys that want in too. Not sure she makes anything of it, but need space....hmmm maybe there is something to it.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Fakebook is how my STBXW's 1 1/2 year affair got started. 

They were old friends from Jr. High school. The truth is they didn't really know each other that well back then. At first they flirted and complimented each other...always posting and commenting on each others walls. Then the inboxing started. They then started texting and calling each other. The EA developed and they started meeting for coffee and lunches. From there, it was a 3 month step to a PA. 

I was not on Fakebook at the time so I didn't see what was going on. I joined to see what was going on after I discovered the high number of texts on the cell bill. I caught the tail end of their banter and confronted her. That was D Day #1. She denied a EA...just friends. She said she deleted him from Facebook but over a year later, I discovered he had only blocked me. Their affair never stopped. It was a PA. OM's wife cracked into his email and save thousands of emails between them which she later sent to me.

I did find out that they were using instant messenger, email, apps that hide texting from the phone bill. I think they were using other methods as well...the joys of a smart phone. I also know she was using our home phone and deleting the incoming calls...he is local so no phone record.

Yes...I hate Fakebook. 
It was not the reason for her cheating but it made it much more convenient and easy. It takes very little effort to cheat with help from social media like Fakebook. 

She was addicted to Fakebook and still is. She checks it constantly. Whenever she feels down she uploads another picture of herself and waits for all of the compliments to start rolling in. She also collects Fakebook friends. She must have at least 500 now. Keep in mind she doesn't really know most of these people. She always wanted to be popular in school so this is her way of doing it.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Yep...enter girl from high school who had a crush back then but never acted on it. groom, groom. Hi, pet nick name, i miss you, here are pics, etc etc. F'ing Facebook.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Decimated, my story so far is VERY similiar. I have yet to uncover an affair, but all the symtoms are there. VAR, keylogger and maybe spybubble are going in very soon. The part about uploading pics to wait for compliments has been an ongoing fight with us for 2 yrs. Just loaded a new one, and within 30 minutes, one of her highschool buddies puts "very sexy" on her pic. This is the guy who offered to come over to help her boredom, and told her he had a Hs crush on her....and yes, he has ent his phone number too.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Garry2012 said:


> Decimated, my story so far is VERY similiar. I have yet to uncover an affair, but all the symtoms are there. VAR, keylogger and maybe spybubble are going in very soon. The part about uploading pics to wait for compliments has been an ongoing fight with us for 2 yrs. Just loaded a new one, and within 30 minutes, one of her highschool buddies puts "very sexy" on her pic. This is the guy who offered to come over to help her boredom, and told her he had a Hs crush on her....and yes, he has ent his phone number too.


Some people need external attention and gratification. Mine was changing her profile pics constantly and they were always sexy shots with cleavage front and center. I was always finding our camera filled with self portraits. She would pick the hottest ones to upload. She would never post a picture of us as a couple and wouldn't even post a happy birthday to me. She wanted to project to the world that she was a sexy, fun, flirty single woman. She even had her cell number on her wall so anyone could read it. She has also become the master of posting vague statements seeking responses. 

Truthfully, it's childish behavior.


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

A lot... I am living it right at this moment... Similar story as other posts, old friend from neighborhood contacted him and or maybe he contacted her, idk, and he confessed she has always been in love with him, she now "likes" and comment every post of him and he comments every other post of her, she seems not to care he's married and they are exchanging private messages flirting...



BTW, this is the third time he is "starting" to have an EA on FB.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

"She would never post a picture of us as a couple and wouldn't even post a happy birthday to me. She wanted to project to the world that she was a sexy, fun, flirty single woman. " 

Dude, i am INVISIBLE on her accounts. She didnt even put married on one, saying "everyone knows im married". what?

she doenst comment or "like", but yeah, she has a guy or two that likes every pic she has....really...every pic? or puts a "wow" or "awesome" on the comments


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

It wasn't around when my situation happened.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

All on FB. He sought out old HS gf, other HS girls, and smeared his EA/s all over FB. He is so totally addicted to it. He won't work, take care of the kids, or be a man, but good-god, he's always posting on FB. He thinks its the same as an actual life.


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## jeff_r (Aug 17, 2012)

FB was involved in my WW situation. 
A guy she knew as a friend 12 years ago contacted her thru FB.
It progressed to yahoo messenger, skype, web cams, text messages & video phone calls. 

All of it using her smartphone.

But my WW knows a lot about talking to people thru the internet anyway. Before I knew her, I get the impression that she has been on chat since it began in the late 90's...ie. AOL, Yahoo messenger, using web cams, etc.


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## Bpm2616 (Oct 17, 2012)

Absolutely had played a part in my problems.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

FB is the start of my soon to be divorce. It gave W the opportunity to be seen, and hit on...and complimented her newly acquired MLC. Got her "into the game" and she loved it, suddenly im just an overbearing stiff.


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## cantdecide (Apr 9, 2012)

Yup, me too. XW was on FB. Not sure if she contacted OM or he contacted her but they were friends in high school 30 years ago. Suddenly she is such good friends with him and are inseparable. I certainly don't blame FB but it's the instrument that started the ball rolling. Now I can't be on FB anymore. Turns my stomach.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I have to join the crowd here. My husband has hooked up with nearly every ex gf and lover he's ever had in his life on Facebook. Huge problems because of it. It's sickening that married people do this to each other.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

helolover said:


> Informal poll:
> 
> For either the WS or the BS - how much did FB (or other social media) play into the devlopment of an A?
> 
> My WW reconnected with one of her HS boyfriends via FB and it developed into some kind of A. Reading through these posts, it seems that FB has opened the gates to infidelity. Before, the past was the past. Now the past can IM you.


I have heard it called F*ckbook for that exact reason. It is happening more and more.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Facebook had nothing to do with my fWW infidelity, she did it the old fashion way and hit the bars.


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## BrokenVows (Oct 12, 2012)

FB is how the OW reached me to "tell on my H". She didn't say much, just I need to talk to you I think you'll know what it's about. Didn't know the lady so asked my H if he knew her...that's when he broke down and confessed. 

I responded to her message but all of a sudden she doesn't want to return my messages? WTF, she's the one who contacted me! H wrote the NC letter to her immediately as she had been threatening him to keep seeing her or she would tell me. He broke it off and boom, she messages me on FB. H is to blame for the A but she's a b**** because she knew he was married.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

i cant remember the statistic but it was a pretty good one about facebook and affairs and the cause of divorces anyway this was a pretty interesting article E-motional affairs: How Facebook leads to infidelity – The Chart - CNN.com Blogs

i have also heard it called fakebook due to people and their fake lives or fairy tale lives


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

for a couple years i just thought it was a "womans" networking thing...she was uneasy when i said i wanted to join...then it all started going down hill....and she started hiding everything on there...deleting the poke emails, and then empting the mail trash...3 times a day...i had to beat her to the emial in the am to see them...then, fb changed its policy ad stopped sending the email notifications...she wouldnt let me even see he phone screen
we will be in divorce in less than a month...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Garry2012 said:


> for a couple years i just thought it was a "womans" networking thing...she was uneasy when i said i wanted to join...then it all started going down hill....and she started hiding everything on there...deleting the poke emails, and then empting the mail trash...3 times a day...i had to beat her to the emial in the am to see them...*then, fb changed its policy ad stopped sending the email notifications...she wouldnt let me even see he phone screen
> we will be in divorce in less than a month.*..


It's interesting how some of these social media sites changed their policies and you get less information in one place.

I liked the old policy of FB because I was able to piece together an argument that my fiance and his EA had on her FB wall which she then deleted.

When my fiance first told me about his EA and then sent me something with her e-mail address on it, boy, was I able to find a lot of stuff on her within a matter of seconds.

And I could also see that she had signed up for a meetup activity that I actually attended. I've told my fiance, now knowing how much he told her about me, sex life and all, that he is a very lucky guy that that woman didn't corner me at some activity and have a chance to let me know about things before he did.


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## here2learn (Aug 23, 2012)

No doubt that Facebook and other social media sites have made affairs more convenient. A generation ago, engaging in an illicit affair took a lot more planning, forethought, and premeditation. Now, you can re-connect with or meet new friends and instantly develop a bond. 

However, the equation for affairs has always been about opportunity and willpower. Historically, certain segments of the population had so much opportunity for casual sex that it was almost expected to happen -- this includes athletes, musicians, politicians, and traveling businessmen. They have money, prestige, and hotel rooms away from their significant others. It takes a lot of willpower to overcome these opportunities. 

It is easy for someone with little opportunity to cheat (perhaps because they have no money, are physically unattractive, are never away from their partner) to state they would never be unfaithful. But give them a promotion, a makeover, and an expense account on frequent business trips, and they may be surprised at how easy it is to fall prey to their urges. Facebook lowers the opportunity barrier to the masses.


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