# Thought it was only me!



## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

Post 1
My wife and best friend, layed the " I love you but not in that way" to me 1-1/2 yrs ago, had someone else that I thought was her friend, and proceded to live in the same house with me while still having an affair. 
I wanted to die, I was in love. We bought a business for her that required time, and her hobby with animals took her with a groug a few nights a week and one day a weekend. Since I worked and travelled, I didn't want to hold her back. Figured she needed her time after staying home with kids for years.
She was texting, calling ,acting normal before the "big bang"
as much as I could and can handle myself phsically, I couldn't handle the grieving.
I went to councilling myself, fok, pay someone to tell me I can't love my wife anymore,,,,,.
I talked to her and said we have to work on things. finally she did, and I know it hurt her to break up with him, 
We sold our home of 18 yrs, moved for a fresh start.
I thought we would work on recovery but she lied to me and was talking to him shortly after she said it was over. Of course I threatened him, wow that upset her.
Now time has gone by, she freaks when I bring it up, makes her mad. I want to jab once and a while to hurt her believe it or not. This was my soul mate.

She said sorry once, never asked for forgiveness. 

Went to councilling together and she said shes here because she felt sorry for me. WTF

Had that whole " not telling me she loved me anymore" almost every symptom on this forum for that matter.

She didn't want to go to counsilling anymore, said to work on it ourselves and move forward. That is hard, always looking back.

Will there ever be light an the end of the tunnel?
I still love her and heck some of it must be my fault.

Is this normal?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm confused. You are not with her right? Or are you together still? Need to know that first. Need to know this first.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I am very sorry for you. You apparently let her walk all over you. There were seemingly no consequences to her actions whatsoever. Her actions indicate indicate that she has very little respect for you. Why would you wish to be with someone who treats you with such distain? Why do you wish to love someone who treats you like this? If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I'm confused. You are not with her right? Or are you together still? Need to know that first. Need to know this first.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

yes we are still together. She says she loves me. I left out she wanted me to change a few things. I was a work aholic and a little oc on being organized. She hated my mom who was always in our relationship. She could have left and moved on with the big d.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She doesn't sound remorseful at all! She acts like you should just be over it...

Are you SURE the affair is over? To me, it doesn't sound like it is.


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

that_girl said:


> She doesn't sound remorseful at all! She acts like you should just be over it...
> 
> Are you SURE the affair is over? To me, it doesn't sound like it is.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

she says it is,
Why would she stay?
She has never been remorsful. Always cold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

i try to think her anger is because she is angry with herself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is she doing to help you trust her again?


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What is she doing to help you trust her again?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GVS7611 (Dec 24, 2011)

communicates more
Trys to update me if working late

Trust is hard
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> She doesn't sound remorseful at all! She acts like you should just be over it...
> 
> Are you SURE the affair is over? To me, it doesn't sound like it is.


:iagree:

It may just have gone underground. She is treating you with contempt. This is no way to live.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

GVS7611 said:


> communicates more
> Trys to update me if working late
> 
> Trust is hard
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She should not 'try' to update you if she works late.. she should just update you. What kind of work does she do? Does she work with the OM?

Does she use a computer at home? Did she give you the passwords to all of her accounts? If not she has to do this or you will never trust her again.

Does she allow you complete access to her cell phone?


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

its tough hey I never got a speech!!! she just stopped loving me like two years ago met some morally bankrupt friends and freed herself
from the marriage without officially ending it. I am pulling the trigger on a divorce and situation I never wanted I always tried for and belived inthe marriage (blindly hence my name)
but not anymore. its tough but working late could be code for I'm getting laid sorry to be blunt but just a week ago my stbxw stayed out all night claiming to be with friends too drunk to drive
sh'yeah! classic! I saw texts that she was with OM so don't be naive prepare yourself for the worst, talk to an attorney read up here about what a successful R takes and also when to D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Humble Married Man (Dec 18, 2011)

GVS7611 said:


> she says it is,
> Why would she stay?
> She has never been remorsful. Always cold.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





GVS7611 said:


> i try to think her anger is because she is angry with herself
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never been remorseful, huh? It's good to know that she is respectful of the boundaries of your relationship. 

As for why she is staying...possibly because of the security that the status quo provides. Many people don't like change. Afterall, infidelity is a change in the dynamic of the marriage. And as we can see from this board, many of the BSs here aren't fond of this change.

So, why are you staying with an angry, cold and remorseless woman? Because you "love" her? Low-self esteem? Codependency? Kids? Money? 

I find the OP's self-destructive behaviour truly interesting.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

GVS7611 said:


> This was my soul mate.
> 
> She said sorry once, never asked for forgiveness.
> 
> ...


Maybe it's normal for you to still feel for her, but she was NEVER your soul-mate. Friend, you need to wake up from the Matrix. That thing never was. Give her the boot and let go.

Whatever she wants to move forward with, it mainly has to do with being an eternal parasite on you, the eternal chump. How much of your life do you want to throw away?


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

lascarx said:


> How much of your life do you want to throw away?


lol I seem to have signed up for the waste (aside from kids) ten years of your life at a time plan 1st marraige ten years 2nd marriage ten years!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Ok...first I think that the affair is still going on but this time she just hides it better...she is not remorseful and its partially because she never had any consequences for her actions...

First you need to man up and and be a strong man that respects himself... don't beg,don't be needy because its unattractive...

Second,you need to snoop and find if the affair is still going on...

Third,you must file for divorce so that she can see that you are serious about this...and if things get better you can always stop the divorce...You have nothing to lose because she already humiliated you,and still doesn't respect you so man up and take control of your life !!!...

Read the 180...its somewhere here on the forum...

Good Luck


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