# what to do about wife?



## WishingForMore09 (Oct 1, 2009)

Ok hello there everyone. New here and I am obviously trying to save my marriage before it ends but I am at my wits end.

Ok, I do not want to sound mean or offensive to anyone.... but when I have sex with my wife her vagina feels like it is big. What I mean is... I feel that there is no end! It feels loose and I cant stay up because of it. 

Ive discussed this with my wife, she gets very upset saying things like "what my p*ssy isn't good enough for you? Ive had your kids you know". She gets super wet, and there is absolutely no feeling when I have sex with her, so being the loving husband I wanted to talk to her about it, but just get in "trouble" when I do.

I am not a selfish lover. when I do not work because of this problem, I go down on her. Although she loves this, she tastes very bad down there. Very salty, and just plain gross. I do it though because I love her. (it tastes this way even right after showering)

She hasnt cheated or anything, I trust her. I recommended her kagel exercises that my friends wife does and he swears it works. When I discussed this with her, she says she does them... How come I dont feel it then? Im not a small man, not big either but Im decent enough to know its not me. 

When she is on top, she doesnt move. When she does move, its just all over the place, and we have to stop shortly afterwards.
Doggy isnt good either because all that slapping hurts after a while and she doesnt have alot of weight so I feel like Im hitting bones. Missionary position feels like Im having sex with nothing.

Someone have any suggestions? Im at my wits end, do not want to cheat, but am getting in trouble when I talk about it to my wife. Wow this is long... thanks to whoever reads this. 

P.S. Edited to say Im not complaining to her everyday, but its just a no topic conversation. Once I bring it up she gets defensive and an argument begins.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

At some point she will feel like seeing if another man would enjoy sex with her and go find one. 

You can't tell her that her bits are not up to snuff at all.

I don't have good answers for you on how to resolve it either.

You're in a bit of a trap.


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## InNeedofForgiveness09 (Sep 28, 2009)

Sometimes women go through hormonal changes that affect the genital area. She can become dry or more wet. In any case, to say to your wife that she has a "loose P**sy" is not nice. 
This will only make sex like a chore... the whole time she is having sex she is going to be more consumed with if you like it, and she wont be able to enjoy it. 
Maybe you guys can experiment with non traditional positions... sometimes you have to do that. 
Maybe go to a sex therapist if it gets that bad. But be glad you get any at all, some husbands dont get any! 

Hope this helps a lil....


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## The Space Cowboy (Sep 30, 2009)

You mentioned she tastes "bad". How long has she had this taste? Is it a metallic taste or a rotten smell? Is she still of age to have a monthly period? She may have a physical issue that she may want to have looked at. A bad taste or smell can indicate a lot of things.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

How is her hygiene in general? She may have an infection. 

About how she feels, how often do you masturbate? I'd suggest that if you don't get enough stimulation, perhaps you are masturbating too much and are desensitizing yourself.

OTOH, how would you feel if she pointed out to you that you aren't big enough for her.

Look, as you age, you lose sensitivity. You are also not getting as hard as you used to and that also reduces sensitivity. But trust me, she feels that you aren't as big as you used to be but she's too polite to say anything.

I think you need a reality check on sex over a lifetime.


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## The Space Cowboy (Sep 30, 2009)

dobo said:


> How is her hygiene in general? She may have an infection.
> 
> About how she feels, how often do you masturbate? I'd suggest that if you don't get enough stimulation, perhaps you are masturbating too much and are desensitizing yourself.
> 
> ...


Here is a better question...when you masturbate, can you climax? Is it taking you longer and longer to climax? If so, how long has this been going on? Are currently taking any medications? Is your wife? Dobo, when men masturbate, we grip the penis. This causes friction and, hence, climax. No friction, no climax. If he doesn't feel the friction, how can he climax? I agree that this could be a sensitivity issue on his part, but his masturbating causing it would be the same as if he was having too much sex and losing sensitivity. You said earlier in an earlier post you and your husband did it twice today. Did he lose sensitivity? WishingForMore09, telling her that it feels like throwing a hot dog down a hallway CAN'T help so please be sensitive. But there could be a couple of things going on here and it may be worth it to you to take a look inside.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

Hotdog in a hallway, I like you Cowboy! Anyway, yes I agree you can't say things like that to her, at least not that way. How about, "If you tried those exercises it might make it feel awesome for both of us, wouldn’t that be cool?” And I agree that masturbation can feel very different than a woman so that could be an issue. Some woman taste bad, nothing much to be done about it but try some tasty sensual oils. One more idea, ever thought about anal sex? Some ladies are a little scared of it at first but I can tell you I have known several girls who LOVED it and even orgasm during it.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Cowboy, depends on the grip. The grip in masturbation isn't like what happens with intercourse. If his grip with masturbation is too strong, he will indeed lose sensitivity. He will mess up his ability to have vaginal intercourse and reach climax.

I understand the male response very well. There are guys who spent so much time masturbating in a way that could not be duplicated in intercourse such that they cannot cum. If he's masturbating too much or using an unusual technique or grip, he's doing the damage himself. 

Having vaginal intercourse multiple times is not going to cause this kind of problem.

I have a feeling that if this guy suggested anal to his wife now, she'd smother him with a pillow, Chuck.


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## The Space Cowboy (Sep 30, 2009)

dobo, from the time men are young boys, we understand what gives us pleasure. We know what works and what doesn't. My only point was that this may be a sensitivity issue, but I don't think that it would come from masturbation otherwise no man would ever masturbate and I believe that is far from the case.


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## Raiven (Sep 14, 2009)

i have a quick suggestion...

sometimes i like to slip two fingers on the outside of my "folds" down there and make a tighter opening for my hubby to enter. i'm tight, and my friend isn't, i suggested she try this and when my hubby was having intercourse with her, he said it helped a lot. (we have a sexual relationship with my friend) 

if u aren't comfortable with asking her to do this, YOU do it. put your hand down there and place your index and midle fingers on her outer lips and use them to squeze yourself a tighter opening. maybe she will see u doing this a few times and get the hint that u like and and she might do it herself. 

if that doesn't work for you, try a ring. i'm sorry i don't know the polite/proper term for them (c*ck ring)

also, if she gets very wet, take it our every so often and run it around her clit and other areas (dry it off a bit) then re-enter. less lubrication there might add a bit more friction for you. it works for me, i get too wet and i can't feel it anymore.

i have also seen a MACHINE for kegal type excersizes! dangit for the life of me i can't remember what they wer called or where i seen them maybe someone else might know. maybe your wife is doing the kegals wrong? 

not sure. i suggest speaking to a doctor. maybe YOU can ask a doctor first and they can help you with some ideas you can gently bring up with your wife. =)

i hope everything works out for you!


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

If it is enough of a problem, there are some surgical options...


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Space, you're obviously not aware of something called acquired delayed or inhibited ejaculation. It can very well be caused by masturbation. Being a man doesn't really make you an expert on them, you know.


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## WhatToThink (Mar 30, 2009)

You need to be careful. You are going to make your wife resent the idea of having sex with you. You're probably not the only one desiring good sex... She's probably wishing for it too and she may be fighting the urge to have an affair as well. Then again, maybe not. It's not for me to say. But after having children, a woman's vagina is never the same again, no matter how many keegle exercises she does. Get used to it. You will probably need to see a sex therapist because the size of her vagina isn't going to change (thanks to you getting her pregnant), and neither is the size of your penis... (are there penis exercises for men? lol)... And no offense, but you sound like a selfish 13 year old.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I can see why she gets upset/defensive by commenting on her being too big....you might have better luck saying you are too small (not hard enough) and ask her to give you some hand action during sex...that might help you to feel the sensation you are looking for.


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## The Space Cowboy (Sep 30, 2009)

dobo said:


> Space, you're obviously not aware of something called acquired delayed or inhibited ejaculation. It can very well be caused by masturbation. Being a man doesn't really make you an expert on them, you know.


The following proves us both right or wrong. Delayed ejaculation: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia

Most men ejaculate within 2 to 4 minutes after onset of active thrusting in intercourse. Men with delayed ejaculation may be entirely unable to ejaculate in some circumstances (for example, during intercourse), or may only be able to ejaculate with great effort and after prolonged intercourse (for example 30 to 45 minutes).

The most common causes for delayed ejaculation are psychological. Common psychological causes include:

* A strict religious background causing the person to view sex as sinful
* Lack of attraction for a partner
* Conditioning caused by unique or atypical masturbation patterns
* Traumatic events (such as being discovered in masturbation or illicit sex, or learning one's partner is having an affair)

Some factors, such as anger toward the partner, may be involved.

Other causes:

* Certain drugs (such as prozac, mellaril, and guanethidine)
* Neurological disease such as strokes or nerve damage to the spinal cord or back


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I am well aware of the definition and causes. Anyway, this didn't prove me wrong at all. You made a statement that just plain wasn't true for all men.


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## The Space Cowboy (Sep 30, 2009)

dobo said:


> I am well aware of the definition and causes. Anyway, this didn't prove me wrong at all. You made a statement that just plain wasn't true for all men.


+

You too. Agree that masturbation may be the root of his issue, but also so could drugs or a psychological issue.


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