# My Life's in Order...Almost. Now What?



## Shawnster79FL (Sep 8, 2012)

Hello Friends,

I'm a 35yo Male. Married almost 10 years w/ 7yo daughter. Non religous. Landed my post Army career job (couldn't ask for better) after serving 9 years. Still in Reserves. I'm Debt free and $$ Saved. My wife and I have been separated for the last 5 years and living apart, separate everything. We have no joint property or belongings. We been in divorce limbo the last 2 years, I filed. A combination of Child support and visitation rights has froze me up. We had 2 finalization dates but both delayed, once from me allowing her last minute extention for health concerns and the other because my lawyer had incomplete info on decree when she went to sign (I know, crappy lawyer). We have both dated during this time (me more than her). We remain civil. We both became tired of searching for others, so I suggested marriage counseling and she's on board. I really want us to fully understand what our wants and needs are and weither we are really meant for one another or just better off as friends/co-parents. I still see my daughter everyday.

So, that's a little of my back story. I've been getting therapy for depression almost a year and being treated. My symptoms are pretty much withdrawal and lack of interest issues. I'm quiet, kind, soft spoken, and overall a nice guy. This I know.

Other than my marriage in limbo, I feel I have already accomplished all I have set for. I have NO continuation goals. I'm fit and healthy. So, I work my 9 to 5, than spend the evenings around my daughter. I have no friends (my choice) or activities/hobbies I enjoy doing or get the motivation to try to do. I rarely talk to family and old friends, out of habit. I just keep to myself. Things I use to do I stopped, basically out of boredom, or been there, tried that. I'm just a simple, even boring guy, but still know how to have fun and smile and stay energetic when need be, especially around my daughter.

I'm just in this funk I cannot seem to shake. I really just don't know what to do with my free time. I can't stand sitting around watching the tube or surfing the net, but these seem to be the easy options at times. I know the answers... Get out the house, do something, look for groups, people with similar interest. I wanna find activities for my daughter and I to do together. Most of the time, I'll take her to the park or other places surrounded by kids and let her play. We just don't do enough one on one activities. Mom is not that very active with her, so there's that. She seems to rather be on FB or watching reality TV. She's also has a well established career. We are both doing well. We just lack communication and common ground.

Everything I'm sharing here, my therapist is well aware of. I've even considered switching to someone else because I feel she's somewhat ineffective. I know it's a team effort and I must put in the work to see results. I have made progress. I'm just stagnant. 

I Know the answer and strength is within me, and advice is just that, but I need some, so please, any suggestions on what steps I can take to get out into the world and start LIVING instead of EXISTING, would greatly help. Something I can do for me, something I can do with my daughter, and even something I can do with the Mrs. 

I don't drink, smoke, no tats, not a sports fan, no video games, no hidden talents. I enjoy music and doing karaoke with my medicore voice!
No guns or outdoor hobbies. I'm not materialistic or desire the finer things. Basic simple survival things is all I need... Roof, clothes, food, water, bed, couch, desk, computer, phone and car. Money isn't important, as long as I can provide for my daughter and myself, no more no less. FYI, I'm near Fort Hood, Texas.

Again, thanks for the ears, thoughts and suggestions. Take care and Chat soon.


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## Butterfly1014 (Jul 24, 2014)

Shawn79, You really sound a lot like me. Except when I came out of my depression and started to get more healthy my husband walked out leaving me with our S4. Anyway, I know you get stuck kinda, what I have figured out since he has been gone is getting outside, taking hikes, checking out the local paper and taking my son to the little fairs, concerts, kid friendly events I could find. Your W might like them to and they make lasting memories with your daughter. 
With you, like me there has got to be something you haven't done, haven't seen. You being in the Army (I respect that immensely, thank you for your service) have seen a lot, but there has to be something crazy on that bucket list!


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

I know you said you don't have a lot of interests or that you "need very much" - but if you're in a funk like you say, you may need to actually push yourself out there and get active in something. Depression makes you not want to engage or be active in life. Spending time with your daughter is a great outlet, and I commend you for doing that. Maybe you can do something a little more active with her like some type of sports? For example, do you have one of those trampoline centers, or a fitness center with a pool or water park section, that you can join and take her regularly to? Physical activity will get your own endorphine levels increased, and it may get you out meeting new people and enjoying life more. I promise you, your daughter also will enjoy being with you more if you're a happier guy, you know? Blessings to you!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The best way to remove the funk you're in is...to remove the funk you're in. You basically have no life to speak of. You're a Walter Mitty. No wonder you're in a funk. You don't associate with anyone, you don't do anything, and you just rinse and repeat your daily life, day after day. You want to feel alive again...start doing something.

Have you tried meetup.com? It's not a dating service, it's an activity service - find things in your area that sound interesting, and just show up. If there's not one there, there's definitely a group in Austin or even Dallas. Learn to hang glide, ride a horse, whatever, just start doing things.

And find things to do with your daughter. My favorite memories are still of going camping with my dad. Easy stuff, but fulfilling. For both of you.


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