# How many time do I have to tell



## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I am finally coming to grips that I am severely depressed. I don't want to be around anyone, just let me sleep. I wish people would just leave me alone. 

I am having a difficult time just getting through work let alone having to answer to people about my problem.

I know the root of where my problem begins. Married 16 years to a person that was full on npd with passive aggressive behaviors. Relationships here and there but none that could make it through my hard shell. I majorly rug sweep my hurt, anger. So now I am 20 plus years into not dealing. Ya ask how it's helped me with all the rug sweeping behavior??? Not worth a d&&&&

Yes I am venting because I am angry, in my little world that has been my protection, behavior, life.

I bought a journal today to try and write things down, rational or not. I have made an appointment to start IC and will try and figure how how to pay for it since I don't have good health insurance.

How do I get people to back off and give me the space I truly want????

Tears as I type. I don't want to work through the pain and figure it out, wish all would disappear


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

Quote - "How do I get people to back off and give me the space I truly want????". This might be what you "want" but I don't think it's what you truly "need". 

Your instinct to crawl into a deep dark hole of isolation is understandable & very common with depression. 

I suffer from chronic pain from a degenerative spine & a variety of other very severe health issues at a young age. I've spent many years supporting others in a similar position. I've always said that I'm very 'fortunate' to have young children. It has forced me to drag my agonized body & mind out of bed every single day. I have to paint on a smile & fake perky even if it's the complete opposite of how I really feel. Sometimes faking it becomes a habit & that habit becomes a reality. 

You are sick! Depression is a terrible illness that sucks all motivation to seek help. I know is horrible & incredibly hard to go through the process of therapy & the difficult task of finding the right balance of medications....treatment alone can be exhausting & depressing!!

If you had cancer & were writing here saying that chemotherapy makes you feel terrible & the surgeries cause agony. Why won't everyone just leave you alone? What would your advise be?

You are sick & you will feel so much better if you seek treatment. You know this! It's bloody hard. I truly feel for you. I often wish I could just curl-up under my blankets in the dark & shut the whole world out. You're not alone. 

If venting makes you feel better have you thought of joining a depression forum or support group? It's such a hard journey. I think the opposite of "How do I get people to back off and give me the space I truly want????" is what you truly need to navigate this part of your journey. 

Best wishes.

'No-one ever said it was going to be easy but no-one ever said it was going to be this hard'


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

We all wish you good luck and appreciate the challenges you are facing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Who are these people who you want to back off? 

I'm confused at what they are doing. Are they asking your about how you doing? About your marriage/divorce?

Is there one person who you trust enough to talk to? Sort of a life line?

Are you getting any exercise? I read that it can be as effective as anti depressants. Walking is always a go place to start if you are not doing this.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Tell people, "the doctor says I'm fine and recommends uninterrupted sleep until further notice." 

They'll think you've gone to a professional... They don't have to know what kind of doctor it is. 

I offer the same advice to new parents that get a surplus of advice: "the doctor says the baby is fine."


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I had my first IC session. She likened my life to a junk drawer I keep adding things to. I said it was more like a hoarder. Looks nice on the outside but inside its a terrible mess. I just want to keep touching stuff without throwing things away. When I say people I want to leave me alone are the people that are concerned about me but wont allow me space. Parents, friends, boyfriend..


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Ele girl I am joining the gym this Friday. Today has been a rough one, didn't want to get out of bed. I did go to work but the slightest thing made me upset. I ask myself why that happens and can't answer. That at a loss feeling is so hard to deal with.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Many people just...pass away into nothingness out of an unwillingness to do the hard stuff.

You can either be one of those people...or you can get your butt off the couch and change your life. I'm glad you are 'going' to join the gym. Today is Friday.

Did you?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

you are doing the right things with counseling and getting into the gym. keep up with those. get a good 8 hours sleep but not more. vent here if you need but expect people to comment on your venting. find the small rays of sunshine in your life and follow those.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Butts never been on the couch even if I have no energy. It's not a want to be sad, it's a sad I don't know how to get rid of. I am trying to think about things I avoid, wishing I could put them away in a place I never have to see again.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Are you on any medication for your depression?


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I don't want to go on medication. The negative side effect are something I don't want. Going to give this fix a go without meds


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