# Husband thinks I am cheating....but I am not



## bcc1234 (Sep 22, 2020)

My husband had a good friend that was around almost everyday. We all worked together so I was around too. My husband asked one day if I liked his friend. I am very honest and my husband knows this so I told him the truth. I said ya I think he is pretty cool, but not in a romantic way. 

Well he took this ALL wrong. He started accusing me of cheating on him with his friend. He said how could you like someone when you are with me? I told him I dont know people are only human and like other people male or female but I never looked at him in a romantic way. He never got over all this and swears I am cheating on him with this guy so we cut all ties with his friend to make him feel better. He erased his number from my phone (he use to call him from my phone) and blocked the number. 

I have always assurred my husband that I love him and adore our family. But he still daily accuses me of talking and cheating with this guy. It has been about a month. It is starting to give me anxiety because everytime I use WhatsApp and shows that I am online he says I am talking to him. I have no other social media accounts. My phone is open to my husband. 

We have been together 5 years and have 2 kids. I dont know where to go from here. I cant live everyday with him mad at me because I was using my phone. I work with my phone I have to use it. Apart from this extreme jealous spell I love him so much and he has always been such a great dad, but this behavior has been extremely toxic. What do I do? Need advice


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Is there a possibility that he could be cheating on you? Hiding anything else?


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## bcc1234 (Sep 22, 2020)

I do not think so. We are pretty open and we work together so we are together all day everyday pretty much. It would be pretty hard for either one of us to cheat. That is what makes his accusations so silly.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

He constantly accuses you because you have not been as strong in assertiveness as it should be. Next time he accuses you of cheating, in a very strong and calm manner just tell him: If you believe that I cheated on you or that I'm cheating then, what the **** are you doing with me. I'm sick and and tired of your bullshitting excuses that show your insure, sick controlling mind bullying me, disrespecting me, abusing me with your constant harassment. This only shows that you most be feeling guilty of something, have YOU cheated? and have been projecting on me? 

Remember, you most be willing to walk away from a relationship where you are being mistreated, disrespected, bullied. If you are not willing to walk away from such relationship then , the alternative is to shut up and put up.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Drop Whatsapp. This app appears to draw the wrong conclusions for your H. But let him look at Whatapp before you delete it. Give your H all your electronic devices with passwords. Advise him he is free look. Nothing will be found.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Has he ever been jealous before?
I mean, I like my girlfriends but I am not going to have sex with them! He seems paranoid and living like this will make you ill.
You may just have to be firm, and say, I am not cheating on you, I never have, but if you carry on accusing me you will drive us apart and ruin this marriage. If you accuse me one more time I will walk out for the day.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Nailhead said:


> Drop Whatsapp. This app appears to draw the wrong conclusions for your H. But let him look at Whatapp before you delete it. Give your H all your electronic devices with passwords. Advise him he is free look. Nothing will be found.


Being social media averse, IDK what WhatsApp is, but TS said her phone is open to her husband.

I think TS should forcefully deny accusation and tell H he is being an ass and that she doesn't appreciate being accused. If he has anything else to say on the matter, say it now or never again. I would say I felt he set me up w/ the question and I will never again fall for that. The next time he asks what she thinks of some guy, she should say she never thought about it and not in a polite way.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, what reasons is HE saying that you were cheating? Is it just "feeling"? If so, he needs to get his jealousy in check. Maybe he overheard something between you two and he misinterpreted? Maybe that GUY said something to him about you that triggered him on this?
In any event, you need to calmly talk with him and get to the bottom of why he is feeling like this. If he is SO crazy about this, maybe offer to do a lie detector test?

I have WhatsApp on my phone, but I use to to communicate with my teams (who are mostly in India), so it can be a legitimate business application.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

SpinyNorman said:


> Being social media averse, IDK what WhatsApp is, but TS said her phone is open to her husband.
> 
> I think TS should forcefully deny accusation and tell H he is being an ass and that she doesn't appreciate being accused. If he has anything else to say on the matter, say it now or never again. I would say I felt he set me up w/ the question and I will never again fall for that. The next time he asks what she thinks of some guy, she should say she never thought about it and not in a polite way.


Her H specifically gets upset with Whatsapp. Dump it if it is causing an issue.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Nailhead said:


> Drop Whatsapp. This app appears to draw the wrong conclusions for your H. But let him look at Whatapp before you delete it. Give your H all your electronic devices with passwords. Advise him he is free look. Nothing will be found.


Yeah but only if he gives you his. I smell a rat. 


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

bcc1234 said:


> My husband had a good friend that was around almost everyday. We all worked together so I was around too. My husband asked one day if I liked his friend. I am very honest and my husband knows this so I told him the truth. I said ya I think he is pretty cool, but not in a romantic way.
> 
> Well he took this ALL wrong. He started accusing me of cheating on him with his friend. He said how could you like someone when you are with me? I told him I dont know people are only human and like other people male or female but I never looked at him in a romantic way. He never got over all this and swears I am cheating on him with this guy so we cut all ties with his friend to make him feel better. He erased his number from my phone (he use to call him from my phone) and blocked the number.
> 
> ...


Assuming we have all the information, meany there has never been shady behavior before, then it sounds like your husband needs to see someone and gets some IC. I think you should sit him down and tell him this is going to ruin your relationship if he doesn't get control of it.

Let me ask you how close were you with this guy. What kind of relationship did you have. Did you talk about your marriage with him, hopes and dreams stuff like that? 

Does your husband let you see his phone?

Was he cheated on before?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Maybe he's the one cheating. I've noticed a lot of men who accuse women of cheating who are not cheating and wouldn't cheat, it's because if they had the opportunity and could get away with it, they'd take it and cheat. It's human nature to assume other people think like you do, so they assume you'd do the same thing if you had the chance that they would do if they had the chance. So paranoid partners are often cheaters themselves.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

i do not know you or your husband, but have to wonder if there is more to this than you are aware of. Can you clearly recall the conversation you had with your husband about this "friend"? Are you sure you did not say anything that would lead him to think something was going on? Unless he is a very jealous person and has a history of this type of thing, would seem odd a casual conversation would lead to a month long accusation of cheating.

Any change some other vents took place, maybe unrelated to the friend conversation? Sex life ok?


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Is it possible he is having some mental breakdown? Like one of those dissociative paranoid episodes? Did you notice he acting like this or weird in other areas?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

well one of two things are happening....both bad
1) he is very insecure
or
2) he himself is cheating and is projecting his behavior on you, i.e. you must be cheating too.

faithful guys normally do not accuse their GFs that they are cheating on them.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nailhead said:


> Drop Whatsapp. This app appears to draw the wrong conclusions for your H. But let him look at Whatapp before you delete it. Give your H all your electronic devices with passwords. Advise him he is free look. Nothing will be found.


Why should she? She's not doing anything wrong, and her phone is open to her husband. It's not it's snapchat or some stupid thing like that, it's a legitimate app.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

frusdil said:


> Why should she? She's not doing anything wrong, and her phone is open to her husband. It's not it's snapchat or some stupid thing like that, it's a legitimate app.


I'm sure it is a legitimate app. So is FB. But if it is making a spouse uncomfortable, remove it. Is it really worth the upset?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This lockdown has caused depression in many people. Could your husband be going through depression that’s causing him to lose his self confidence? Has he gained weight or lost muscle mass in the last 6 months of this lockdown? 

if you’re confident he himself isn’t cheating, then the only thing that comes to mind is him having feelings of inferiority.


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## Cup of Tea (Apr 15, 2020)

Oh honey I've been in your shoes!! It all started when I went to college and was with people he didn't know. We had worked together for 10 years.
He would text me when he knew I was in class and would get infuriated when I wouldn't text back immediately. 

I installed Life360 so he could see where I was at all times.
Then I put a deposit down on a polygraph, showed him the check, and threatened to have the results sent by courrier to his work.
He quit after that.

Insecure men are a lot of work. When all else fails, call the Maury Show.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

bcc1234 said:


> My husband had a good friend that was around almost everyday. We all worked together so I was around too. My husband asked one day if I liked his friend. I am very honest and my husband knows this so I told him the truth. I said ya I think he is pretty cool, but not in a romantic way.
> 
> Well he took this ALL wrong. He started accusing me of cheating on him with his friend. He said how could you like someone when you are with me? I told him I dont know people are only human and like other people male or female but I never looked at him in a romantic way. He never got over all this and swears I am cheating on him with this guy so we cut all ties with his friend to make him feel better. He erased his number from my phone (he use to call him from my phone) and blocked the number.
> 
> ...


I believe you could use some counseling, together to help him open up to you.

He isn't communicating well with you and something is causing his insecurity outside of your relationship.

I wonder if he found out his friend was a player or maybe he said something inappropriate about you?

I'm guessing here but something set him off and he hasn't talked to you about it.

There are likeable people out there but it certainly doesn't mean you are cheating with them to admit it.

Mrs. Conan and I like lots of people of the opposite sex. It is normal.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

It could also be that your husband heard a rumor at work that you and the friend where hooking up. The friend himself could have said something to your husband that made him question the friendship.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Bcc, had this friend and you ever flirted with one another?

Joked around sexually?

hung out just the two of you?


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Elvis has left the building.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nailhead said:


> I'm sure it is a legitimate app. So is FB. But if it is making a spouse uncomfortable, remove it. Is it really worth the upset?


Yes but lots of businesses use it because it's secure. WhatsApp I mean, not FB. 

If it were an app such as Snapchat, Tinder, Tik Tok or the like I'd agree with you, no, it's not worth the upset. But that's not the case, and her husband has full access to her phone.

I can only comment on what's provided by the OP, if she'd had a history of cheating or flirting my response would be different, obviously.


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