# Currently seperated not my choice



## floridaguyconfused (Jun 5, 2011)

My wife and I are currently seperated, not my choice. She has not been herself for quite some time. We are married 5 years and this past Valentines day was beautiful and she gave me the best present anyone could give a letter written from the heart as to how she felt about us and our marrigae. Well that was then this is now. I am totally confused. We were trying to have a baby and did go through alot during that time frame. She miscarried and then was told she would not be able to. This absolutely devestated her and I totally understand as I sat and listened without saying a word. I have tried to be there for her during this past year. She started to see a therapist and then things seemed to get worse. When she asked me to leave the sat before mother's day I was very sad. She had asked that we have no contact. I honored that. We met the next week at the therapist's office and boom she says she no longer is in love with me and thinks she wants a divorce. Floored me as we just recently had the words whatever it takes engraved inside our rings and we both promised each other. She has gone totally cold. Since the meeting we have agreed to meet one time where she wanted to discuss finances as she is not working. We also had a very nice conversation and she listened to my feelings. I left she gave me a hug and walked me out. Since then I have not spoken to her as we talk about every 3 days via email. Whenever I mention how I feel in an email she becomes very upset and will set boundries of what I am allowed to speak with her about..don't know what the hell happened but I can see I need to change as I did look at me and saw that I was ignoring her and not there for her when she was reaching out for me. I explained this too her and she said it's too late. How or what can I do as I do love this woman but I don't want to push her away either. I am trying like heck to honor her requests about what to say but it is so hard as when she sends an email she no longer writes I Love You she just ends it with her name. She has blamed all of this on the resentments she still carries about me and the things I said I would do but have yet to do. I am working 60 hrs a week and am tired when I return home. She has not returned to work for the past 3 years. I am tryting to be ok but it is hard


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

(((Hugs))) to you.

First, stop the R talk. Don't beg, plead, cry or pursue her in any way, including saying I love you. I know it's hard because it is the natural thing to do, but it makes you look unattractive and it pushes her away more.

It sounds like your W is grieving the miscarriage. I had one myself a few years back and I thought I was ok with it, but I really wasn't. As a result, I blamed my H and pushed him away to the point where he left and now we are currently separated.

You made mistakes in your M, but so has she. It isn't just one sided, that is impossible.

Are you in C for yourself? If not, you should start so that YOU can start to heal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is she having an affair? All the signs are there. So look into it. Don't ask her outright since most cheaters will deny it. Otherwise, she could be depressed and/or just done w/ the marriage. 

My advice: go back home. She is dthe one who wants out, therefore she should be the one to leave. She needs to get a job. If she doesn't want you anymore, she needs to get a job and start taking care of herself financially. I wouldn't let this go on too long.

No more talks about your relationship. You already see how it upsets her. Therefore, STOP doing it. I would not let limbo last too long. Write her if you want and tell her you're fully committed to the marriage and realize it takes TWO to work it out and if she is not willing to, then you are letting her go. You have to mean it.


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