# Divorcee (Indian Male) : Should I marry(second marriage) a divorcee/unmarried girl?



## znmd_2012 (Sep 15, 2012)

Hi All,

Greetings of the day!

I am a divorced male (from India) and wanting to start afresh in life. I am in a dilemma now whether to approach unmarried girl OR divorced girl for arranged marriage. I will of course let the girl/her family know beforehand that I am a divorcee and only then proceed for further discussions related to marriage.

I have made below observations based on my experience in life:

(A) Positive points for marrying a Divorced Girl:
(A.1) The girl has fewer expectations and less dreams (unlike in first marriage where flying high in air is usual) in second married life, which is easy to handle by the man. Divorcees expected to have more practical approach towards life.

(A.2) Less chances of a second divorce from girl’s side (since she's already been through the pain of divorce once).

(A.3) The girl’s divorced due to dowry harassment are expected to be good. (At least divorce was not for other causes like arrogance, adamancy, quarrelsome behavior, severe illness/disease etc.)

(B)Negative points for marrying a Divorced Girl:
(B.1) The girl could not manage her first marriage, may be due to her arrogance, adamancy, quarrelsome behavior, severe illness/disease etc. Hence, the actual cause of divorce/girl's past life needs to be truthfully ascertained.

However, there is no way of validating whether the girl/her parents are truthful about the reason for divorce and not hiding anything 

(B.2) May compare her earlier married life with the current married life.

(B.3) The married life may be less enthusiastic for both, this being a second marriage. (Though it depends upon one’s thought process).

(B.4) Divorced girls are usually less in number and also of higher age group for alliance for suitable choice for the man

(C) Positive points for marrying an Unmarried Girl:
(C.1) The girl cannot compare with her past married life (since girl’s first marriage)
(C.2) More options of alliance with girls of less age and other aspects (looks, education, family background etc.)
(C.3) The family life shall have charm and the girl shall be enthusiastic and keep home lively.

(D) Negative points for marrying an Unmarried Girl:
(D.1) More expectations, high dreams from married life, which is logical for the newlywed girl, but the man may not be able to meet them all, all the time.
(D.2) Post marriage, if any argument/quarrel happens, the girl may bring up the fact/complain that she had to marry a divorcee.
(D.3) Seldom unmarried girl would prefer divorced man. (Unmarried girls would prefer unmarried man).

Suggestions/Comments are welcome from both the genders to help me make right choice/decision.

God bless all.

Thanks in advance,
Newlife


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

Its hard to give advice on arranged marriages when you live in a culture that doesnt have them. Personally i dont believe in arranged marriages. I believe in love marriages to the fullest. 

Reguardless, i would concentrate on tje character of the woman. In an arrangement i it might be harder to find out. Or maybe irrelevant... What happened in your first marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I can't speak for arranged marriages but the divorce rate for marriages of those married before is much higher not less as you indicate


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

from your original post, it seems like you're focusing a lot on what _you_ want and how to get the best deal for yourself. Which is okay, but are you placing equal importance on what you can offer to her?

What do you bring to the table? What are your shortcomings, and how can you fix them so that you are able to give your best self to someone else in a new relationship? How might you have contributed to problems in your previous marriage, and what are you going to do to make sure you don't repeat the same behaviours with your next wife? 

A relationship isn't just about _her_ meeting _your _needs or making your life easier, and people are more than check marks on a "pro/con" list. You can't assume that a person will think or act in a certain way just because she has or hasn't been married before.


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