# Why would s man take back/work it out with a WW who cheats slot?



## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

I feel like an imposter I've been cheated on but never married so I feel like I have a less critical and a more bias point of view. But after reading and hearing from some friends about their wife's cheating for the 3rd or 4th time. I almost spit out and choke on some of my drink. I don't mean to be disrespectful I'm 28 never married guy with no kids. So I can't related wig guys in their late 30s on trying but I make it "work"? After a 3rd+ WW affair.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

When I meant cheated on I meant it like an affair have been cheated on. Not married


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Abject stupidity, reckless naiveté, lack of self-confidence, self-respect, and/or self-worth, blind stubbornness... and the list goes on and on and on.

So take your pick. Hell, pick a few, because it's likely that more than one applies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Log on to_ Surviving Infidelity_ and ask the men there. They are better equipped to tell you than we are.

But usually it is lack of self-worth and self respect. Since the 1970s men have been taught to eat sh!t from their women. We now live in an era full of pansies.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sometimes I think and this would go for women as well, they put their own self worth on the back burner for the need of child/children. Perhaps they lose self objectively for the sake of keeping their family intact or with the illusion of doing so.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

We all have our reasons. A family unit is a drive to try, usually.

But if a wife or husband is a serial cheater, then why bother?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

relationships can be immensely complex. the relatively simple dynamic of two people supposedly 'in love' is compounded
exponentially by children, a mortgage, possibly a lifetime of wealth accumulated, an emotional bond developed over decades (in some cases), 
co-dependence (sometimes) and an absolutely paralyzing fear (somewhat justified) that your entire life and dreams are about to be tossed into the sh!tpile.

your life will never be the same again.

having said that, I do agree with the general contention that cheating cannot be tolerated. once, maybe (it depends).
after that and maybe before, I agree with all the above.

personally, I left my ex. after I caught her cyber cheating the 3rd time. that was more than enough, and i should have left her earlier.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

In a relationship without kids I really don't know. Maybe for many of the reasons that @GusPolinski said above.

When you have kids, sometimes men (and women) will do try to R to keep the family together. I don't agree with this when it comes to PAs, but that is my opinion.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Abject stupidity, reckless naiveté, lack of self-confidence, self-respect, and/or self-worth, blind stubbornness... and the list goes on and on and on.
> 
> So take your pick. Hell, pick a few, because it's likely that more than one applies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't forget staying married for the sake of the kids.

and the ever so popular "I can't afford a divorce".

For me it is one strike and your out.

I can not imagine staying with a WW after 3 or 4 affairs. Stupidity tops the list in that situation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TDSC60 said:


> Don't forget staying married for the sake of the kids.
> 
> and the ever so popular "I can't afford a divorce".
> 
> ...


File the former under the aforementioned "abject stupidity" clause.

As for finances, I suppose that financial fears deserve an explicit mention as well. Still, it's kind of stupid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> File the former under the aforementioned "abject stupidity" clause.
> 
> As for finances, I suppose that financial fears deserve an explicit mention as well. Still, it's kind of stupid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The longer you stay married the harder the financial impact will be. Staying for kids to get out of say child support usually ends up meaning you've stayed married long enough for alimony to kick in. You're better off divorcing with little assets and debt than having money.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Too many desperate, insecure, codependent betrayed husbands on SI, it's sickening. The worst was the pathetic guy who said he's such a coward, he'll just wait it out for his wife to stop her affair. I had to stop reading their stories. I actually think SpaceGhost's story is made up. His updates are basically a regurgitation of old facts.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Too many desperate, insecure, codependent betrayed husbands on SI, it's sickening. The worst was the pathetic guy who said he's such a coward, he'll just wait it out for his wife to stop her affair. I had to stop reading their stories. I actually think SpaceGhost's story is made up. His updates are basically a regurgitation of old facts.


I think only the *weakest* men tend to post on SI. There have been a few male members who have stood up for themselves, but the clear majority are just wimpering, simpering, co-dependent little panty-waists who handed their cajones to their wives YEARS ago and are completely devoid of testosterone. It's just cringe-worthy when one of them posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back. Talk about being in touch with your 'feminine side.'

I actually throw up in my mouth a little every time I see that.

I honestly think when you're *so* pitifully pathetic that you'll cling like grim death to some woman who continually cheats on you over and over because you lack the spine to man up and get the hell out, then you kind of deserve what you're getting.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> ... posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back. Talk about being in touch with your 'feminine side.'


personally I'm no so panicky about limited PA, it's the betrayal/trust/not-being-a-team that's the killer.

and while there has to be some soften for ones' partner...

When I read stuff like the quoted bit, I do understand the sadness...but I always read it and think ... "why are you asking? isn't it obvious? SHE desires a MAN, not a metro"
You're supposed to be sleek and comfortable on the outside and steel hard in the middle. not some nerf stick.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think only the *weakest* men tend to post on SI. There have been a few male members who have stood up for themselves, but the clear majority are just wimpering, simpering, co-dependent little panty-waists who handed their cajones to their wives YEARS ago and are completely devoid of testosterone. It's just cringe-worthy when one of them posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back. Talk about being in touch with your 'feminine side.'
> 
> I actually throw up in my mouth a little every time I see that.
> 
> I honestly think when you're *so* pitifully pathetic that you'll cling like grim death to some woman who continually cheats on you over and over because you lack the spine to man up and get the hell out, then you kind of deserve what you're getting.


There was a poster there named Spaceghost who became a rock star because he chose to stand up for himself and not absorb his WW's bad treatment. 

If he were on TAM we would look at him favorably and give him an atta-boy and tell him he did a good job of standing up for himself and not being a dishrag. But we would not have venerated him like they do on SI, and this paints a stark picture of wide gulf between the doctrine we put forth here in TAM and what they preach at SI. Spaceghost is an anomaly there, while here he would have just been another one of the guys. 

We had a BH here a few years back named SteveR, who was so clueless and resistant to advice that even the patient folks at SI soon had their fill of him and rode him out in a rail. He was the worst I ever saw. I think he was eventually banned here because, well, no one could stomach him anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think only the *weakest* men tend to post on SI. There have been a few male members who have stood up for themselves, but the clear majority are just wimpering, simpering, co-dependent little panty-waists who handed their cajones to their wives YEARS ago and are completely devoid of testosterone.


I heard you get banned from SI if your post are not tantamount to picking these guys up and powdering their behinds. I signed up to try my "tough love" approach and within one post they were on to me. I was kicked off before the hour was up. Their action confirmed my advise was on the money.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I would have given $10K for my ex wife to cheat on me so I could leave her without looking like the bad guy! lol

If my future wife cheats on me, she and all her personal belongings will be kicked out of the house within 30 minutes. Way too much good pu$$y out there to be cheated on!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Life is full of tradeoffs. Some people would prefer to stay with a cheating partner than to leave. Its their choice, and it might even be the right choice for them.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Life is full of tradeoffs. Some people would prefer to stay with a cheating partner than to leave. Its their choice, and it might even be the right choice for them.


The thing about choices are once you make a choice you never really know if was the right choice.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think only the *weakest* men tend to post on SI. There have been a few male members who have stood up for themselves, but the clear majority are just wimpering, simpering, co-dependent little panty-waists who handed their cajones to their wives YEARS ago and are completely devoid of testosterone. It's just cringe-worthy when one of them posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back. Talk about being in touch with your 'feminine side.'
> 
> I actually throw up in my mouth a little every time I see that.
> 
> I honestly think when you're *so* pitifully pathetic that you'll cling like grim death to some woman who continually cheats on you over and over because you lack the spine to man up and get the hell out, then you kind of deserve what you're getting.


This is true for most BH's on SI.....and it is sad and pathetic to see so many of them crying and then chasing the WW doing the stupid 'pick me' dance.

But I have to say, when it comes to reading about the BIGGEST p*ssies and whining, pathetic excuses for men that I have ever read about on relationship site.....they don't come close.

And, believe it or not, it wasn't even the pathetic doormats at Marriage Builders either....and they definitely make the SI BH's look like stalwart hard*sses.

The most disgusting and pathetic crybaby excuses for 'men' that I have read about was actually in the WS/AP section of Loveshack(and no, I'm not kidding).

The MM/OM that these women describe are BEYOND pathetic......stories about how they come and bawl their eyes out because they are so confused and guilty.....or weeping uncontrollably because the MW/OW finally says 'enough' and wants to end.....descriptions of begging and emotional breakdowns that make any I've read about from a BH seem mild in comparison.

The overall impression it left me was actually this....WTF can these women even see to be interested in such simpering weaklings.

The 'alpha' POSOM player is an urban legend if the threads of these MW/OW are representations of the 'typical' MM/OM.

They are the most cowardly, whiny, disgusting, pathetic men I have ever heard described on a board or in real life......even if half of what is written is exaggeration, they would still take the cake.

They are so weak, the most lasting thought or insight I got from reading there was actually a bewildered and shocked 'What in the h*ll is wrong with these women?......How in the world can someone be in love with and desperately attached to THAT?'


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> File the former under the aforementioned "abject stupidity" clause.
> 
> As for finances, I suppose that financial fears deserve an explicit mention as well. Still, it's kind of stupid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Try repairing your broken ego with Dollar bills and a top coat of Plaster of Paris.

It never works.


Broken hearts and tearful Ego's are Compound Breaks....they require a Re-break, Re-set and Strong Splints....and a Soul Crutching recovery.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Do you know for sure that the husband isn't cheating too? I've known people who are effectively in an unagreed upon open marriage. They both keep on cheating and blaming the other.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

From what I've notice the most successful R posters are those who cut and run. As in separate or file right away. Rip the carpet from right under their WWs feet. There was a poster on SI who I read wanted to R from the start and lashed out at people suggesting D. I read some of his recent stuff and he doesn't seem as sure about his choice. 
Also read how his wife said "he was aggressive" when he asked why she didn't say no. Also that if he had asked or waited she might of left him or had sex with him in their home. He just never asked. I was dumbfounded. How he can wake up every morning next to her knowing all that. 
Why not just walk away for a few months and just separate?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> There was a poster there named Spaceghost who became a rock star because he chose to stand up for himself and not absorb his WW's bad treatment.
> 
> If he were on TAM we would look at him favorably and give him an atta-boy and tell him he did a good job of standing up for himself and not being a dishrag. But we would not have venerated him like they do on SI, and this paints a stark picture of wide gulf between the doctrine we put forth here in TAM and what they preach at SI. Spaceghost is an anomaly there, while here he would have just been another one of the guys.
> 
> ...


I've seen that 3,582-page thread bumped up on SI every now and then, but just didn't have the patience or interest to read it. So he's actually one in maybe 4 or 5 in the whole history of that place who still actually _*has*_ his testicles? It's truly a miracle. :rofl:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> I heard you get banned from SI if your post are not tantamount to picking these guys up and powdering their behinds. I signed up to try my "tough love" approach and within one post they were on to me. I was kicked off before the hour was up. Their action confirmed my advise was on the money.


LMAO.

You obviously didn't *first* stop in at the Guest Center after signing up, and have a HUGE helping of the Kool-Aid they serve up there. :rules:


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

GuyInColorado said:


> If my future wife cheats on me, she and all her personal belongings will be kicked out of the house within 30 minutes. Way too much good pu$$y out there to be cheated on!


I've got to the point where I really can't be bothered with the service fees any more. No more jerks or dramas


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> There was a poster there named Spaceghost who became a rock star because he chose to stand up for himself and not absorb his WW's bad treatment.
> 
> If he were on TAM we would look at him favorably and give him an atta-boy and tell him he did a good job of standing up for himself and not being a dishrag. But we would not have venerated him like they do on SI, and this paints a stark picture of wide gulf between the doctrine we put forth here in TAM and what they preach at SI. Spaceghost is an anomaly there, while here he would have just been another one of the guys.
> 
> ...





> It's just cringe-worthy when one of them posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back.


And when they hook up in real life with one of these compassionate female members and get 5*+ Monkey sex with them, well, all their hurt just melts away, I bet!


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## tripod (Jun 18, 2016)

Not that this applies to me, or that I even agree, BUT:

She's got interesting stories to tell...
She's got novel moves and fantasies in the bed...
She can suck the chrome off a Buick bumper...
She's up to date on her STD tests...
She nails you in the hallway when you come home from work...

None of this applies to my wife (sigh).

We're both clear on the "death do us part" part of the vows.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LMAO.
> 
> You obviously didn't *first* stop in at the Guest Center after signing up, and have a HUGE helping of the Kool-Aid they serve up there. :rules:


Rulez? I think I've heard that word before. I'm going to have to look it up and see what it means. Do they sell kiss-azz hats at the Guest Center?


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## rafaelandy (May 8, 2013)

i can't speak for other married guys with children, but when my WW first cheated i chose to stay because 50% there's still love for her and 50% because of my young child. i didn't want my young kid to suffer because of 

his parents' faults. yes, there's this fear of the future, but not as much as the earlier mentioned reasons.

10 years forward when she did it again (this time with several men), i just couldn't take it anymore. even though we already have 2 teen sons, i realized our marriage can not be saved anymore. 

the kids have to be taught that there are limits when it comes to these matters. they have to know there comes a point they will have to stand and say "enough!". it's really heart breaking they have to learn the hard 

way.

i guess there are a lot of factors or personal reasons why other husbands chose to stay when their wife cheated on them, but when a man says he stayed because of FAMILY and CHILDREN, i do understand where they're 

coming from. 

FAMILY do have a significant weight in deciding whether to stay or go.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think only the *weakest* men tend to post on SI. There have been a few male members who have stood up for themselves, but the clear majority are just wimpering, simpering, co-dependent little panty-waists who handed their cajones to their wives YEARS ago and are completely devoid of testosterone. It's just cringe-worthy when one of them posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back. Talk about being in touch with your 'feminine side.'
> 
> I actually throw up in my mouth a little every time I see that.
> 
> I honestly think when you're *so* pitifully pathetic that you'll cling like grim death to some woman who continually cheats on you over and over because you lack the spine to man up and get the hell out, then you kind of deserve what you're getting.


It is sad reading SI..some of those guys forgive multiple APs, LTAs, affairs with relatives - I mean when is enough enough? when does a man say thats it i'm done - there was one guy who posted whose wife cheated in their bed, he found her lovers Viagra package in their bedroom - he was raising her son - he dumped her and did not look back he has since stopped posting on SI since his divorce was about to be finalized. He wanted to still be involved in her sons life but she tried to hold him up for more settlement money in order ot do so - he just moved on and one of his last posts were that his Xw had a new BF...she sounded like a real POS..but that guy is rar eon SI - many just post there about their 5th, 6, 8th "antiversary" as they call it...just makes oyu shake your head


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I really don't see it but I can speak as one who can't afford to get divorced. I've chosen a bad marriage over poverty and keeping the family together. Sometimes I really regret it. There's no affair to deal with in my case but the resentment level probably approaches the same level. You have to make a choice as to what would be worse.


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> There was a poster there named Spaceghost who became a rock star because he chose to stand up for himself and not absorb his WW's bad treatment.
> 
> If he were on TAM we would look at him favorably and give him an atta-boy and tell him he did a good job of standing up for himself and not being a dishrag. But we would not have venerated him like they do on SI, and this paints a stark picture of wide gulf between the doctrine we put forth here in TAM and what they preach at SI. Spaceghost is an anomaly there, while here he would have just been another one of the guys.
> 
> ...



As I mentioned before and another poster above said he thought the same way ~~~ spaceghost is a fake thread.


But you mentioned SteveR ~ are you talking about the poster SteveK aka OxfordVic or Sora?

Did you guys know maybe behind the scenes that he was a madhatter who, it seems based upon the below, had a history of p4p? I didn't discover this myself, I just went to a kind of reference page and copied the link someone much more computer capable than me found. 

Warning - sexually graphic material if you have a filter on your computer, or are on a work computer or you are committed to being porn free do not link to this forum. Before I went to this link I was warned to do so with my wife present so I wouldn't have to explain any history on my computer thereafter to anyone. 

Someone posting as OxfordVic {which definitely is a posting name SteveK did use on other infidelity forums} who sounds identical to the poster SteveK/Sora/Oxfordvic here on TAM & elsewhere with several telling facts included when you read all the posts he made here and there {which may or may not all remain available today - I'm not going there to check} posted in 2011 and/or 2012 about his experiences p4p {paying $ prostitutes} on a adult website called utopia guide {a website or forum for reviewing call girls}.

The Shame of Premature Ejaculation | Page 2 | UtopiaGuide

If it's actually him it certainly explains his situation a little better and would have been a crucial detail to include in his story everywhere. Maybe his wife knew and felt justified having her own revenge affair but if she {and her OM} knew I'm surprised it never got revealed in all the cheaterville chatter. 

For those that don't or can't link to utopia {or if the information has since been removed} here's the only quote that was copied by my friends and available with the link I gave. 



Oxfordvic on Utopia said:


> I have been trying For years to stop p4p. I figure I could be so much better off financially if I did.
> Sad thing is my SO is gorgeous and her body is ten times better than 99% of the pros.
> 
> You guys would pay 4x what you do for her...no joke especially if your into 35-40 year olds.
> ...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The only people who could really answer that question are those who have done it, both men and women. 

All other answers are at best speculation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

I guess to each their own but once is too many times for me. 3 or 4 times tolerating cheating and that tells me the BS has absolutely zero self-respect. Zero.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LucasJackson said:


> I guess to each their own but once is too many times for me. 3 or 4 times tolerating cheating and that tells me the BS has absolutely zero self-respect. Zero.


Or doesn't give a flying fig about what society thinks, maybe?


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Or doesn't give a flying fig about what society thinks, maybe?


This is 2016. Western society has pretty much adopted an "everybody does it" policy. There is very little moral outrage over cheating these days.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> > I think only the *weakest* men tend to post on SI. There have been a few male members who have stood up for themselves, but the clear majority are just wimpering, simpering, co-dependent little panty-waists who handed their cajones to their wives YEARS ago and are completely devoid of testosterone. It's just cringe-worthy when one of them posts that they've been 'crying all day' and all the female members jump on to give him plenty of hugs and pats on the back. Talk about being in touch with your 'feminine side.'
> ...


Your talking about Gary1995...his wife actually said she felt emberassed of him. Because he lost a well paying job and would come home or leave work in his ups uniform (he picked up a 2nd job to support them both).
He said she drunk texts him asking him to come back but he saw through her. That poor kid is losing out on a great male figure.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

LucasJackson said:


> This is 2016. Western society has pretty much adopted an "everybody does it" policy. There is very little moral outrage over cheating these days.


Yes these days more people will be outraged that you show your emotional weakness (aka "baggage") around them.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

I'm quite surprised how much some woman are attracted to my emotional baggage.  only good for the short term


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