# Credit Score Ruined...Moving Forward



## PeachyKeen (Jan 19, 2014)

Hi everyone! I’m back with another edition of “wtf is going on with my financially unstable spouse and how do I recover from this dumpster fire”. On today’s episode, I recently had a credit card closed which has sent my credit score plunging below the 500 mark. 

My financial life has suffered tremendously over the years since being married, see previous posts. Last year, my husband’s car was temporarily repossessed after he failed to make whole monthly payments on the car for months. As a co-signer/co-owner on the car, my credit score was negatively impacted and his car note was extended well past the point that it should’ve been paid off. I had a car note as well and never missed a single payment or had any derogatory marks on my credit during the period that it took for me to pay it off. I was also not in a place to assume responsibility for his payments, given that I was financially responsible for our family of 4 until he found employment again in 2017. 

Fast forward to 2018. He lost his job again (4th job loss in 3 years) and I was once again on the hook for our family’s finances until my husband found stable employment. As a teacher, this bout of unemployment hurt beyond repair. My salary did not match our monthly expenses and I let several bills slip through the cracks while trying to pay for the essentials (rent, food, child care, utilities, cell phone bill, etc.). Things got so bad that I had to receive financial help from local charity and my family, both of which I’m thankful for.

One of the bills that slipped through the cracks was my credit card bill. I got this card with a $4000 limit on it about 3 years ago. I applied for the card after he lost his first job and we were unable to maintain payments on the essentials. I was making consistent, monthly payments on the card until he lost his 4th job. I was unable to maintain payments on the card for months, and eventually emptied money out of one of my retirement accounts to keep it current. After he got another job, we began to make payments on some other past due bills and have yet to get caught up. In the meantime, my credit card account has been closed due to two recent missed payments. 

I love my husband but this sucks. How do I communicate with him about the toll that this has taken on my finances? I’m looking for employment beyond teaching after my contract ends. I need a six figure salary, or something close to it, in order to be the breadwinner.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

PeachyKeen said:


> Hi everyone! I’m back with another edition of “wtf is going on with my financially unstable spouse and how do I recover from this dumpster fire”. On today’s episode, I recently had a credit card closed which has sent my credit score plunging below the 500 mark.
> 
> My financial life has suffered tremendously over the years since being married, see previous posts. Last year, my husband’s car was temporarily repossessed after he failed to make whole monthly payments on the car for months. As a co-signer/co-owner on the car, my credit score was negatively impacted and his car note was extended well past the point that it should’ve been paid off. I had a car note as well and never missed a single payment or had any derogatory marks on my credit during the period that it took for me to pay it off. I was also not in a place to assume responsibility for his payments, given that I was financially responsible for our family of 4 until he found employment again in 2017.
> 
> ...


Whether you love him or not, you have to make a decision...

He either has mental issues, he is a man-child, which I think is a mental issue, or whatever, but you have to put a stop to this. 

Some people feel like financial infidelity is as bad and sexual infidelity, so don't. 

Either way, you are going to be poor, and financially ruined if you do not take steps to protect yourself. 

One of those steps is divorce, another is to just continue to live the way that you are.

At this point, if he will not get help for his issues, is this the way that you want to live your life????


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Ouch! 

Here is my situation on financial issues. We both make good money and have for quite some time. She is perfectly ok living paycheck to paycheck and having little to no savings and I am not. She is ok with using credit if she feels like she needs to, I am not. She loves the comfort of having savings and not worrying about money but is not proactive enough to make sure that is the case. Because of this she has debit and I do not. Knowing this about her has forced me to make some decisions. 

When it comes to money I need to be in charge and she needs to be ok with that. With that responsibility comes accountability. In other words I need to keep the financial house in order. I can not be a reckless tyrant and spend money on myself only. The family needs to be taken care of first. Because of this we need to have an O **** fund because without it the family has no security. Without it the family has no protection from life’s unplanned problems like job loss. 

Because I need to have control over financial decisions I am often perceived as the bad guy by her and the kids. This is because I need to be the one to say no to her in the kids if we can not do or buy something. With that said no one is complaining when we can afford vacations and a great Christmas because of my actions. It’s give and take. 

My point here is you clearly need to be the one in charge of the finances. Single or married it’s the same at this point. Take control and do not let it go because history has shown you that is not a good idea.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

PeachyKeen said:


> I love my husband but this sucks. How do I communicate with him about the toll that this has taken on my finances? I’m looking for employment beyond teaching after my contract ends. I need a six figure salary, or something close to it, in order to be the breadwinner.


So rather than be his wife, you've chosen to be his enabler.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

PeachyKeen said:


> I love my husband but this sucks. How do I communicate with him about the toll that this has taken on my finances?



You can't. Nothing you have said or done has gotten him to change for the better. Seeing his children suffer the consequences has not changed him. 

You mentioned the recession before as why he couldn't find a job. My husband and I both entered the job market during it. I found a teaching job. My husband bounced around a bit but without putting us in financial trouble. He is now in a position of hiring and he, like many in my town, can't find people to hire and are desperate. We all grew up in the "special snowflake" era and it hurt a lot of people. But it is time to stop using that as an excuse. Nothing you have said or done has changed his attitude or work ethic. I doubt anything will.

Did you move out as you talked about in October?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Look. You know he will not change. The question here is, will you?

If you are in love and don’t want to leave him, then you are right. You need to get a way better job, so you can support your family and never count on him. Also, never, ever, ever entwine yourself on a loan, credit card, nothing attached to him again. It’s insanity. I wouldn’t even share any bank accounts with this financial loser.

I dunno...speaking off the cuff here you may as well file for bankruptcy, get a “clean slate”. I mean I didn’t even know a credit score could be that low. So get rid of it all. That way in two years your score will start to improve. 

Then at that point you should at the most perhaps get a small car payment to start rebuilding your credit. (Installment loan). Then buy a small piece of furniture on a 12 month no interest thing, and pay it off in 11 months. Him not on anything. Ever again. Make it clear you will never put a dime toward his debt choices again.

So my answer is yes, go get that six figure job. You’re gonna need it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My credit took a hit the last few years I was married, thanks to some bad decisions my husband made. It only recovered after the divorce. 

It doesn't matter how much you love him, he is irresponsible. You can continue hoping he'll improve -- and actually keep a job for more than a brief period -- but don't bet on it. That obviously puts the burden totally on you to figure it out.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

PeachyKeen said:


> I need a six figure salary, or something close to it, in order to be the breadwinner.


Well don't we ALL want that?

Except *you* continually put up with this irresponsible fool pulling you down into the mud with him because you 'love' him. Well sometimes, love JUST ain't enough. I see you still haven't learned that yet.

What on EARTH possessed you to cosign for this man-child's car??? Did you *honestly* believe he'd suddenly become a responsible adult and stop being a spineless little bum who thinks it's perfectly fine to let his mommy-wife support him? I don't know how you can even look this guy in the face without complete and utter disgust because most women would have lost respect for him a long, long time ago. There's NOTHING to respect about an able-bodied man who thinks it's perfectly fine to dump all the financial responsibility on his wife's shoulders because he's too damned stupid to see the error of his ways and just keeps making the same mistake over and over and over and over and over. I mean, how many damned times can you let this fool screw up and take you down with him before he *finally* has enough brain cells to comprehend what the hell he's doing wrong? How many excuses can you make for the inexcusable so you can continue deluding yourself into staying with him?

I suspect you must be codependent because that's the ONLY way I could understand _anyone_ clinging to someone like him year after year after year after year while he destroys you financially. And instead of realizing your *own* worth and finally finding your dignity and dumping this parasite, you think you need to make MORE money to support him.

Good lord.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Spicy said:


> I dunno...speaking off the cuff here you may as well file for bankruptcy, get a “clean slate”..


See, the problem with that is that we ALL end up paying - *in one way or another* - for Peter Pan's continued *stupidity.* All the companies he would end up stiffing in bankruptcy court will be looking to make that money up _somewhere_ - and that usually means the consumer ultimately ends up paying the price for it.


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

I'm going to assume he didn't get a seasonal job this fall when you could barely make ends meet. 

What advise you are looking for? He obviously doesn't care about your financial future or supporting his family. Some day, (and trust me how fast time goes by) when all your neighbors and friends are retired and you're working two jobs till the day you die, you are going to wonder why you put up with this nonsense. 

Stop trying to talk to him about getting a job. Common sense he knows he needs to work. You are enabling him with excuse after excuse. File for divorce; that might jolt him out of his little bubble. 

I would have lost all respect for him by now. And completely disgusted. It's so unattractive that he is sitting home while you are out there busting your [email protected]@ trying to juggle the bills.


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

You realize you would be better off without him, right? One less mouth to feed, lower bills, etc.

And why does he have a car payment? Sell it; put the money towards the loan. In the middle of my divorce my car died. I bought a beater for 1,900. That was 3 years ago, it's still running. That's all he needs. Or let him sit home all day with no vehicle. 

It's kind of hard to be sympathetic when you keep allowing this. You deserve better, kick his [email protected]@ to the curb.


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## PeachyKeen (Jan 19, 2014)

Hi everyone! Thanks for your responses thus far. To be clear, his car was purchased a year or so into our marriage (about 4.5 years ago). He didn’t begin to miss payments until last year. I co-signed because it was early on and there were no signs of financial instability. In fact, he didn’t ask me to co-sign. I did it because my credit was great and it significantly lowered his monthly payments. Of course hindsight is 20/20. 

There were also questions about him getting a seasonal job. He was actually hired on full-time at the school that he was subbing at long-term. He got a seasonal job in addition to this. So he teaches during the day and works his seasonal job in the evening.

This has helped tremendously, but the issue is that we were so far behind on bills in the first place. I guess I’m wondering if I’m entitled to compensation for the past due bills and if so, how do I go about explaining it/getting it. My credit card account was closed during the playing catch up phase. The advice about taking over the finances is fairly sound advice. I just need to figure out exactly what that looks like and what it means.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

In your opening post, you refer to "my finances" and now you want to know if you're entitled to be compensated for the past due bills. Since your finances are not separated, how do you envision this working? 

It sounds as though you've accepted that you will always have to be the primary breadwinner and be responsible for the finances. Why do you accept it? Why don't you want a partner who will carry their own weight?


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

You need to set up a budget and stick to it. Take all your bills minus net income and work with it. In the negative; then get rid of things that aren't necessary. Cable tv, gotta go. Internet, use the library. 
Insurance, shop around. Your husband needs to hand over his paycheck to you every week. 

Call the credit card companies. They will work with you; however they will close your accounts. 

Not sure what you mean by being compensated. Who is going to compensate you?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

PeachyKeen said:


> I guess I’m wondering if I’m entitled to compensation for the past due bills and if so, how do I go about explaining it/getting it.


Hi, what does this mean?

I'm happy to hear your husband has finally stepped up to the plate. I'm hopeful he stays there .

Reading your posts is a bit painful for me. You remind me of myself when I was with a former bf who refused to carry his financial load. You do SO MUCH. I hope you can find a way to ease your financial burden that doesn't require you to break your own back .


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

PeachyKeen said:


> Hi everyone! Thanks for your responses thus far. To be clear, his car was purchased a year or so into our marriage (about 4.5 years ago). He didn’t begin to miss payments until last year. I co-signed because it was early on and there were no signs of financial instability. In fact, he didn’t ask me to co-sign. I did it because my credit was great and it significantly lowered his monthly payments. Of course hindsight is 20/20.
> 
> There were also questions about him getting a seasonal job. He was actually hired on full-time at the school that he was subbing at long-term. He got a seasonal job in addition to this. So he teaches during the day and works his seasonal job in the evening.
> 
> This has helped tremendously, but the issue is that we were so far behind on bills in the first place. I guess I’m wondering if I’m entitled to compensation for the past due bills and if so, how do I go about explaining it/getting it. My credit card account was closed during the playing catch up phase. The advice about taking over the finances is fairly sound advice. I just need to figure out exactly what that looks like and what it means.


Ok, by this post, you are saying that divorce is not an option for, for whatever reason. 

So OOOK, then you realize that unless you are a Nazi about finances, that your financial future is going to be ****. Further, you will have to put up with him being a lay about at different times in the future, I guess whenever he feels like being a bum...

Now, I am taking this post as you are prepared for the continues **** storm that will continue to be your life from here on out. 

So the first thing I would tell you is, or ask, is why in the hell do you or he have any credit cards at all. You are basically broke, you cannot pay the bills you have, why do you use credit at all. There is no law that says that you have to have credit. So stop using it, at all. 

You need to move to a complete and total cash economy in your house hold. Short of a mortgage if you own a home, and any residual car note, that you should sell or pay off ASAP, you should not use credit. 

Next you need to sign him up for life lock, or some other service that watches your credit, not so you can make it better and use more credit, but so you can see if he opens any accounts or credit cards in the future, that way you can close them when it happens.

BTW, any LL or comparable service need to have YOUR Email address and the address on the service for you and him. 

Are you capable of doing these things and reducing your standard of living for the next few years and policing your husbands spending? 

I don't know why you would want to do this, but there are some tips for you...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

PeachyKeen said:


> I love my husband but this sucks. How do I communicate with him about the toll that this has taken on my finances? I’m looking for employment beyond teaching after my contract ends. I need a six figure salary, or something close to it, in order to be the breadwinner.


Um, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH, my dear. Your spouse is supposed to be your life PARTNER, not your life parasite. Not sure why in the hell you are putting up with this blatant disrespect, you would be SO MUCH better off without him. He is sucking the life right out of you. He just doesn't care, I hope you are seeing that. 

My advice may not be popular on this, but I say divorce him and then file bankruptcy. Don't file and stay married to him, because you will have to pay it all back anyway and you are not going to be any better off than you are now. Not only that but you will be filing AGAIN because he is never going to change his financial ways. My score jumped 100 points as soon as I filed. I was able to get a credit card within 3 months, and also got approved for an apartment on my own. Its been long enough that mine is off my credit report and my credit is perfect right now. Took a lot of work, but I am really proud of how I have bounced back.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

PeachyKeen said:


> I guess I’m wondering if I’m entitled to compensation for the past due bills and if so, how do I go about explaining it/getting it .


You want him to pay you back? 

I'd focus on paying down debt as quickly as possible and saving as much as you can. To help catch up, you can still move to a smaller place and cut out everything you can (or keep it cut out). History tells you that this employment won't last long and the more you can pay off and hopefully save will be helpful in the future. Hopefully, he proves us wrong and keeps these jobs or finds better employment, but be prepared for another crisis. As quickly as you can, save 3-6+ months living expenses. Then you can worry about anything you are "owed".


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

PeachyKeen said:


> Fast forward to 2018. He lost his job again (4th job loss in 3 years) and I was once again on the hook for our family’s finances until my husband found stable employment. As a teacher, this bout of unemployment hurt beyond repair.


We have a saying in Al-Anon: Nothing changes if nothing changes.

He's more than shown you he's financially irresponsible. Yet you persist in trying to fix his messes. Denial. It's a very powerful thing. Seriously.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

So is he just lazy or something? Look, I made some bad financial decisions in my 20s and I roped my wife into them at the time. We are in our 30s and are still paying for it (bad credit score, little savings, very little equity on the home, creditors knocking on the doors all the time). It sucks. I wish I could talk to the 25 year old version of myself because I would have a much better life today if I did. But I can't and neither can she. The point of the matter is, is he working hard to help get out of this pit? I know all I ever do is stress out about ways I can improve the life of my family. Any man worth his salt is going to try his best to do this, if he is doing this then do it with him and help each other. If he is a deadbeat, doesn't want to work, is lazy, etc. then that is a different story.


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