# Can't get past the physical....



## angelsmilk (Aug 9, 2011)

So I have only been married almost 2 years. I married my husband because he has a good heart and is very sweet...not a huge fan of the personality and am still not positive I was ever IN love..I just know I do love him. When we first started dating, I was a bit of a loosy goose so I was down for whomever whenever. Then we started dating...year later got married. But I have never lusted after him and I always have for previous men that I have been with. My husband is slightly overweight, and has a set of manbreasts that are close to the size of mine. And it totally turns me off. After a few drinks I can ignore it more, but I never ever want to have sex because I am just not attracted to him. This makes everything harder because on top of the fact that I often don't like his general personality, I also don't want him to touch me. I DO love him though and he is my best friend...but that's where it seems to stop for me.

I have told him this countless times, and have tried cooking healthy meals and encouraged the gym...but the man wants to eat a large pizza by himself, and he wants to eat double cheeseburgers with a large coke and a frosty. Even after I go through the trouble of cooking a super healthy meal, I have seen him sneak 3 big ass tacos--which he then threw 2 away after eating one and me grilling him about it. 

I just don't know what to do. I think that this problem is making everything else seem worse and I'm to the point where I am seriously thinking of leaving him. Ladies guys...any advice on how I can get him to love himself and his body??


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I doubt you have been honest regarding how you feel about him. You may have told him that you're not very attracted to him, but if you're seriously considering divorce, then you should lay it all on the line.

Admit that you never should have married him and tell him that you have never been sexually attracted to him. Tell him the only way for him to save the marriage is to lose weight and gain your attraction. If that doesn't do the trick, then he probably isn't that into you either.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

I can't believe you married someone whose personality you don't like. I'm (nearly) speechless. Did you marry the "nice guy" so he could take care of you? That's the only sense I can make of it. What is it you really want?


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## Frosty (Aug 23, 2011)

I think my wife did the same thing. Do him and you a favor. Give him a chance to lose it and for you to find some attraction in a given period of time. If it doesn't happen by then, split up.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Roooth said:


> I can't believe you married someone whose personality you don't like. I'm (nearly) speechless. Did you marry the "nice guy" so he could take care of you? That's the only sense I can make of it. What is it you really want?


I was thinking the same thing :scratchhead:


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

angelsmilk said:


> So I have only been married almost 2 years. I married my husband because he has a good heart and is very sweet...not a huge fan of the personality and am still not positive I was ever IN love..I just know I do love him. When we first started dating, I was a bit of a loosy goose so I was down for whomever whenever. Then we started dating...year later got married. But I have never lusted after him and I always have for previous men that I have been with. My husband is slightly overweight, and has a set of manbreasts that are close to the size of mine. And it totally turns me off. After a few drinks I can ignore it more, but I never ever want to have sex because I am just not attracted to him. This makes everything harder because on top of the fact that I often don't like his general personality, I also don't want him to touch me. I DO love him though and he is my best friend...but that's where it seems to stop for me.
> 
> I have told him this countless times, and have tried cooking healthy meals and encouraged the gym...but the man wants to eat a large pizza by himself, and he wants to eat double cheeseburgers with a large coke and a frosty. Even after I go through the trouble of cooking a super healthy meal, I have seen him sneak 3 big ass tacos--which he then threw 2 away after eating one and me grilling him about it.
> 
> I just don't know what to do. I think that this problem is making everything else seem worse and I'm to the point where I am seriously thinking of leaving him. Ladies guys...any advice on how I can get him to love himself and his body??


Just courious but did you explain this to him BEFORE he married you? 
I am sorry but unless you felt he would give you security (money), why on gods green earth would you marry some poor guy who you don't find attractive and are not big on his personality?
If you are not a huge fan of his personality, all the weight loss in the world will not do you or him any good. Do the man a favor and let him go find someone who wants him for who he is.


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## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

It's pretty bad when you're married to someone whom you're not in love with, whom you don't find physically attractive, and whose personality you don't particularly like. Each of those three circumstances can be fatal to a marriage by themselves, let alone together. 

Having said that, don't give up on the marriage yet. You really need to sit down with him and have a serious heart-to-heart. He may just be writing your dietary advice off as nagging because he doesn't truly understand how much it's affecting your relationship. Similarly, he might be able to resolve his personality issues once he understands what's bothering you. I would advise against actually threatening divorce or making any ultimatums, but get him to understand the seriousness of the matter. Then see how he reacts.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I don't understand! You don't like his looks, you don't like his personality. Your not in love with him, but you love him.

"He has a good heart and is very sweet" Isn't that part of his personality? What do you mean by general personality?

It sounds like it's really mostly the weight issue that is bothering you. Could the fact that he is not physically attractive to you be causing you to nit pick at everything else - his personality for example?


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## nada (Aug 20, 2011)

I agree with all the comments you have received. You are living with a comfy room mate that is a bit annoying to you, and he probably do not understand how you feel about your M. Your post was wery clear, you can show him the post or tell him what you wrote. 

It can be much easier for him to handle a discussion about him now, than him finding out that you are cheating in 10 years time, when he has put on 50 more pounds of fat. I do not think it is easy to tell him that he is repulsive, but if this is how you feel, then it is (IMHO) the right thing to do.


Best wishes
Nada


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