# Husband too hard on kids?



## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

After every sporting event he tells them if you did this you'd be better, why don't you try harder, you don't jump at all & everybody else does. The kids feel terrible and reply with a blank stare after he's done this for so many years. He gets mad and says nobody cares what he has to say, he's just a dumba$$ so don't listen to him, etc. The last reply that broke my heart "why can't you ever tell me something I did right." How can I help them? What do I say without causing a huge fight between us that lasts for days?


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Ugh.

"why can't you ever tell me something I did right." 

If all the kids ever hear is criticism or ridicule, self esteem could become an issue. His intentions may be good - but he obviously has no idea how to effectively communicate it - or more importantly - how to motivate the kids or emotionally support them. Maybe that is how he learned his 'lessons' growing up and thinks its an effective way.

He needs to realize that if you call him on it - it is not because you think he is a dumba$$, but because you think the kids need emotional support and praise just as much as they need honest critique. Yes his observations have value of course - but the kids look up to him too (maybe not for long) so harsh criticism is 10 times worse if it comes across as unjust. Believe me - kids may not be able to verbilize it - but they know injustice when they are on the receiving end of it.

Maybe challenge him to consider offering a positive observation for every 'fault' or problem he feels needs to be addressed.

"Hey, that was really good shot... and I see your passing is getting better too. I can see your trying out there Good Job!... Here let me show you something. I used to shoot that way too...If you hit the ball like this, it might help."

Keep it simple. A 10 item laundry list of failures isnt always helpful. Ask any golf pro. You get your one thing to work on... and then later you get another thing to work on. It keeps it manageable and just as important - it keeps you feeling like you are making progress.

..and tell him not to be such a dumba$$. ;-) sorry, couldnt resist.

self esteem link, just some obvious things right?: http://www.ehow.com/how_5395020_build-up-self-esteem-children.html


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