# My sexual arousal/fetish does not excite or interest my wife :(((



## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

Hi all,

Ive been married for just under a year now and since my wife and I became sexually active while dating I had really hoped that my sexual attractions would have been an encouragement to her.

I have a huge attraction towards bulges or simply seeing a 'flat' bit and so enjoy seeing women in figure-showing pants and also a high interest in high cut swimwear and similar such nightwear.

Oddly enough that she is Japanese and so is very similar with the swimwear side  she does not share my passion by 'enjoying to show herself' 

In addition to this, although I enjoy giving her oral sex, she said very clearly when I asked her, that she does not like the taste of a penis and so I really miss oral sex from her. She does if I deliberately pull her face towards it but I do not want to 'drag her' there. on occasion when im hormone driven ive done so. She appeared happy to do it in the beginning but the past year has seen her lose interest. she also used to give me a handjob when needed or if she was having her period and she could see I enjoyed it but that also went away.
I was even getting impatient when she repeated saying that 'it may smell down there' but I keep saying 'it does not at all' and Ive never lied to my wife.

I can understand shyness and even a complex about her vulva but after a year together and 2 years more of knowing each other I cant understand why (just the oral sex) she still thinks that way or why she has changed.
our lifes are now a little less stressed since moving home and we enjoy life a little more from my new job.

As for my sexual attraction, I would have thought that she would b happy to expose herself but I was wrong. she just hasn't got the interest.

she bought me sex toys and even points with a smile when we walk past ladies in tight pants but I eventually lost my patience and said 'very funny, its not the same' and I used in emotion in my voice.

she is older than me but I do not believe this affects the situation.

now that my long explanation is done, any thoughts/suggestions?


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Ages?

Is it possible she married to stay in country?

How is regular sex? Is she engaged and enthusiastic?


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Basically your wife doesn't want to have sex with you and would rather buy you toys then do the deed that's not good



what are your ages?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I think her true colors are showing.....


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Maybe the consistent pressure to "expose" herself has caused some resentment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

she is 7 years my senior. but I know women who still have high sex drives at that age but ive also come to accept that she is a different person and also unfortunately accept that she does not 'go with it' much more.

I know she loves me; I will not even bring that thought into question.

I know she has a lower sex drive than I and ive openly told her and she also acknowledges it...which is why she bought me the toys.

I did press her in the beginning but she never felt the pressure after that. and I lost patience with it; if she points in a shop or in the street, I pay no attention. very sad but wat can I do.


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## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

sex went from a high to a low frequency. say 3-5 times/week to a couple times/month.

since she has been less stressed, I have noticed she is a bit more hungry recently but I hope for more of wat I like doing...she is occasionally shy wen I want her to sit on my face.

wat I don't like and Ive told her this is, that when she gets socially drunk (and many ladies go soft then) and then wants sex from me. I prefer her when she has a sober mind.

she knows and has seen my fetish collection and some videos I have. its as if she thinks I can satisfy myself.


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

cbachinger said:


> she said very clearly when I asked her, that she does not like the taste of a penis


You buy flavored condoms. If memory serves, Durex makes makes some that are fruit flavored and Trojans makes mint flavored ones.



> she bought me sex toys and even points with a smile when we walk past ladies in tight pants


I'm not really understanding this. Are you saying that you want your wife to do a striptease for you?

As far as drinking goes. Have you tried letting her drink, say, one glass of wine?


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Perhaps using videos is making your fetish grow into something you might otherwise not care too much about? Was this a fetish you had before porn? I have heard of mens fetishes disappearing once they gave up porn, unless the fetish was there before porn.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

So basically your wife has a low sex drive and she bought you toy so you can take care of yourself based on your post you only have 2 real options see a sex therapist or accept the fact that she's just not into your fetish and or sex that often.


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## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

She is not interested in flavoured condoms. Ive never expected a strip tease from her.

watching porn has not reduced my fetish interest. I do have some fetish photos of her but I was the one who started it; she never offered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lowcal (Dec 23, 2013)

So she is not interested in your fetish / giving blowjobs but she is willing to if you pull her to it. So why is this an issue? Is this not enough for you? I don't expect my husband to have the same interests as me neither. It's already great he is willing to go shopping with me, and nothing to complain about him not being excited about it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You do not understand the culture, and as individualistic as one can be, culture is indoctrinated at an early age. Japanese culture is very much reserved and "exposing herself" may not come very naturally for her.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> You do not understand the culture, and as individualistic as one can be, culture is indoctrinated at an early age. Japanese culture is very much reserved and "exposing herself" may not come very naturally for her.


:iagree:

I think its this and her low sex drive tho the LD could be the result of the constant pressure for sex.OP have ever consider just levering her the hell alone for a while maybe talk to her find out how she feels about the situation.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Maybe we are addressing the wrong issues here. It sounds like she used to be interested in sex and used to do some of the things that you like. It makes me wonder if there are other reasons that she has lost interest in sex with YOU?

Maybe there are other issues in your relationship and those are causing her to have a bit of resentment?

Maybe there are things about your personality that are a source of irritation to her?

Maybe you have been interested in getting her to participate in your fetishes..... but YOU have not been interested in what turns her on? Are you giving her orgasms? Are you interested in what SHE wants?


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

rapsoncha said:


> I have heard of mens fetishes disappearing once they gave up porn, unless the fetish was there before porn.


I have heard womans aversion to sex disappeared once they start having sex , unless of course they never enjoyed sex from the beginning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

cbachinger said:


> I have a huge attraction towards bulges or simply seeing a 'flat' bit and so enjoy seeing women in figure-showing pants and also a high interest in high cut swimwear and similar such nightwear.


I'm trying to understand what you are referring to. Are you saying that you only get aroused if she shows herself in public or would this be something she would wear at home? It sounds like you would want her to wear something like a catsuit or spandex pants. You might see if she would be willing to wear spandex pants or a leotard with a skirt covering them in public.

At home, if she is willing to wear yoga pants or leggings, you might see if you can find some in a flesh tone that matches her skin tone. These are surprisingly close to being nude.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

I would still like to see answers to the previous questions that I asked. However, the more I think about it...the more I suspect that it is not your fetishes that she is not attracted to primarily. But I suspect there are things about the way you treat her, or your personality, or the way you approach sex with her that she is not attracted to.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

cbachinger said:


> watching porn has not reduced my fetish interest. I do have some fetish photos of her but I was the one who started it; she never offered.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We are saying that porn might be INCREASING your fetish. For example a friend of mine had a femdom fetish for a very long time. Many relationships ruined because his partners didn't want to act these things out. He decided to give up porn for other reasons and within 6 months he noticed a drastic decrease in his desire for his fetish and by a year it was nearly gone. He was then able to go on to have a normal sexual relationship with a woman.

I have an idea that sex is becoming a personal boundary violation for her. You "forcing" her head down to give you a BJ or insisting on her fulfilling your fetish is treating her like a sex object which is a big turn off for women. Definitely talk to her about it but in the meantime relax a bit.


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## cbachinger (Sep 13, 2007)

id like to say thanks to the feedback and advice ive received and before the topic goes potentially off topic, id like to say this...

I have come to the conclusion that my wife, though understanding, does not personally wish to share in my desire and its something that ill have to accept and I do understand that she is another person just as I am from her; I know she wouldn't expect more from me that I already am and ill endeavour to do the same in order to keep her happy.
And she IS happy, in fact she has become a little more attentive towards me to which I am grateful for 

Perhaps I was selfish and if so I realise that now.

Would there be any suggestions as to how I could possibly self-satisfy myself, as ive had this interest, since I was young. u don't exactly get 'tight pants fetish' dvds.


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