# When Women Cheat



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Why is it that when women cheat there's always a "reason (which to me is nothing more than flimsy excuses), but when men cheat they are "jerks"?

It appears as if there's a double standard going on and it's ok for a woman to cheat and blame it on the man she cheated ON! However when a man has an affair there seems to be a consensus on the man simply being an ass**le.

I would like your points of view on this.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

The men put the blame just as much as the women do. My ex always said it was my fault he cheated.

He even went as far as saying "I set him up to cheat"? WTH???? How can you set someone up to cheat? Anywho, his gf moved in 3 days after I left. They are now married and he's boasted to my/our daughter he cheated on his wife 3 times. He is so gross!

He got an earful from me telling a 15 year old adulty is okay. Then my ex threw that back into my face and said I was trying to break up our plans. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

aston said:


> Why is it that when women cheat there's always a "reason (which to me is nothing more than flimsy excuses), but when men cheat they are "jerks"?
> 
> It appears as if there's a double standard going on and it's ok for a woman to cheat and blame it on the man she cheated ON! However when a man has an affair there seems to be a consensus on the man simply being an ass**le.
> 
> I would like your points of view on this.


they have all kinds of double standards.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Infidelity itself is a double standard.

If everyone viewed this with an unbiased perspective, it would never happen.

People will go to great lengths to rationalize their behavior or the behavior of people they are close with. That dosen't mean there is any connection to reality.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

aston said:


> It appears as if there's a double standard going on and it's ok for a woman to cheat and blame it on the man she cheated ON!


Who says it's ok for women to cheat but "jerk-ly" for men to do it? 

It's silly for anyone to ascribe to that way of thinking.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

One excuse I never got was that you "work too much". I don't know if women actually believe that we somehow like work or that they think spending long hours in a dark empty office is better than snuggling with them while watching the game.

Sigh


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Title should be changed to

When Someone Cheats


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Who says it's ok for women to cheat but "jerk-ly" for men to do it?
> 
> It's silly for anyone to ascribe to that way of thinking.


I didn't say it said it was ok, my statement was about the seeming justification based on playing the emotional availabilyty card. I have heard reasons from "he was not always emotionally available," to "I was bored and lonely" to "he never touches me" or "he never compliments me" to a multitude of reasons. But when it's a guy it's usually just "he's an a-hole". I'm just elliciting points of view here....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Complexity said:


> One excuse I never got was that you "work too much". I don't know if women actually believe that we somehow like work or that they think spending long hours in a dark empty office is better than snuggling with them while watching the game.
> 
> Sigh


There is nothing silly about saying that a husband or wife works too much. Working too many hours means that there is not enough time to have a healthy relationship.

I understand working long hours. I do. And I also understand the stress it puts on a relationship.

There are people who would rather spend long hours in a dark empty office than with their spouse. I've worked with a lot of people like that.

You say a dark empty office? Why are you the only person in your office that has to work long hours?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aston said:


> I didn't say it said it was ok, my statement was about the seeming justification based on playing the emotional availabilyty card. I have heard reasons from "he was not always emotionally available," to "I was bored and lonely" to "he never touches me" or "he never compliments me" to a multitude of reasons. But when it's a guy it's usually just "he's an a-hole". I'm just elliciting points of view here....


I've heard men make exactly the same kinds of excuses for cheating. It's actually a cliche that a male cheater tells the OW this wife does not understand him, that she will not have sex with him, etc.

Men and women who cheat are jerks.. jerks who usually try to blame their spouse for their own bad behavior.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

aston said:


> I didn't say it said it was ok, my statement was about the seeming justification based on playing the emotional availabilyty card. I have heard reasons from "he was not always emotionally available," to "I was bored and lonely" to "he never touches me" or "he never compliments me" to a multitude of reasons. But when it's a guy it's usually just "he's an a-hole". I'm just elliciting points of view here....



I think plenty of men use those same excuses, don't think it's a gender related issue to blameshift. Other excuses like "the financial burden of supporting the family was too much" and "I felt like all my dreams were on hold to support the family" might sound more "male". But really, any one supporting the family who's cheated has probably used these same excuses to blameshift.... male or female.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I do agree with aston, there is indeed a double standard.

Look at LeAnn Rimes-she cheats and leaves her H for an OM, and she gets magazine covers, pics of her and her new man and how much in love they are, how she's finally found "true love", gets interviews with Barbara Walters, stories about what an ordeal it was for her.

Tiger Woods cheats, he loses his sponsors, gets ridiculed on late night TV, gets jeered at, and he will never command the respect he once had.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I think it comes down to being judgmental or not. 

The fact is that cheating is an individual choice that has no good excuse, reason, or any other justifying factor. At least I can't seem to find a reason for my cheating.

I'd rather understand why I did it so that I can take the necessary steps to ensure that it never happens again.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

F-102 said:


> I do agree with aston, there is indeed a double standard.
> 
> Look at LeAnn Rimes-she cheats and leaves her H for an OM, and she gets magazine covers, pics of her and her new man and how much in love they are, how she's finally found "true love", gets interviews with Barbara Walters, stories about what an ordeal it was for her.
> 
> Tiger Woods cheats, he loses his sponsors, gets ridiculed on late night TV, gets jeered at, and he will never command the respect he once had.


Not to excuse either's behavior, but they're hardly comparable situations.
Tiger wasn't made a punch line because he cheated. He was made a punch for how he cheated (i.e. porn stars, skanky waitresses, nightclub hostesses).

Anyhow, most people who do cheat do have a reason for it. That doesn't justify or excuse it, of course, but it's not as if most cheaters cheat just because (some one-night stands, brief flings excepted).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Yet every time you deal with a husband cheating, its because his wife wasn't fulfilling his needs in the bedroom. She either has no sexual abilities or allure when the man cheats. At least that is one of the most common things I hear.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

DawnD said:


> Yet every time you deal with a husband cheating, its because his wife wasn't fulfilling his needs in the bedroom. She either has no sexual abilities or allure when the man cheats. At least that is one of the most common things I hear.


and everytime a woman cheats its because he wasn't meeting her emotional needs. Its because her husband wasn't fulfillinghr emotional needs he either has no emotions or abilities ....

same but different.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I don't think it is ever okay for a man or a woman to cheat.

I will say that I understand, but not excuse, the common reasons given. My personal experience of my father's infidelity helped me see both sides.

It is very hard to be faithful to a partner who refuses sex all the time or does not want to be emotionally intimate.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I don't think it is ever okay for a man or a woman to cheat.
> 
> I will say that I understand, but not excuse, the common reasons given. My personal experience of my father's infidelity helped me see both sides.
> 
> It is very hard to be faithful to a partner who refuses sex all the time or does not want to be emotionally intimate.


Yet many men who cheat have willing wives who do have plenty of sex with their husbands. And who are also caring and appreciative of their husbands.

The same is true with women how cheat, many of them of good husbands who give them what is humanly possible. 

Some people cheat because they are selfish and think they can get away with it.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Cheating is NEVER ok..


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I was told that is was because we had just had a fight on the phone (he spent way too much money at a bar while out of town so our conversation got heated) and that she the OW was there and had smooth skin. Then it was opprotunity and long hours away. 

These from a man who cheated. He found justification then for his PA and blamed me to boot, like I had said to him during the disagrement, "Hey betray me because she is sitting closer then me.". (people fight and I did not go out and get some because of the same disagrement).

I think if you spoke with more females that have been cheated on, you'll find men have as many excuses as the females do. Excuses are everywhere for everything under the sun and both sexes are capable and will blame some reason for their mess up.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

F-102 said:


> I do agree with aston, there is indeed a double standard.
> 
> Look at LeAnn Rimes-she cheats and leaves her H for an OM, and she gets magazine covers, pics of her and her new man and how much in love they are, how she's finally found "true love", gets interviews with Barbara Walters, stories about what an ordeal it was for her.
> 
> Tiger Woods cheats, he loses his sponsors, gets ridiculed on late night TV, gets jeered at, and he will never command the respect he once had.



Hollywood is fickle and loves a good story. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were known and beloved for their 50 year long marriage, but it all started as an affair. Joanne was the OW when Paul Newman was married to his first wife.

Also, LeAnn got bad press at first about her affair but a good publicist can turn the tables. Tiger Woods case was so extreme it was pretty hard to paint that whole mess in any good light to the public. If he had left his wife for "the love of his life" I bet some stupid magazine would be singing his praises for his bold decision to find happiness. Pfffffffttttt.... in Hollywood it's all in the spin and what will sell mags, but some things may be easier to spin than others.

But I think once someone has experienced the pain of betrayal, they no longer accept infidelity being portrayed as a positive in any situation. In our minds it's cheating, there is no excuse that makes cheating an acceptable option.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Let's face it, unless we're talking about bi-sexual women or lesbians, *women will cheat when a man is happily willing to cheat with them.* If more of us men were honorable, the rate of female infidelity would plummet.


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## yruhere (Aug 28, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> Title should be changed to
> 
> When Someone Cheats


I agree. When someone cheats is better. Why would a man not want to talk about his infadelity. Shame? Continued to catch him in lies even up to 2 months ago. He still wants to be married but was back at square one being caught up in lies. He also got a bunch of CC in either of our names and maxed them out as well. Banks and CC companies say in my name too...I pay.
Not a lot of trust built up. Someone please explain!!!!!!!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

morituri said:


> Let's face it, unless we're talking about bi-sexual women or lesbians, *women will cheat when a man is happily willing to cheat with them.* If more of us men were honorable, the rate of female infidelity would plummet.


It goes both ways.
Men will cheat when a woman is happily willing to cheat with them.
Hardly do men resist the sexual temptation coming from a woman.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

morituri said:


> Let's face it, unless we're talking about bi-sexual women or lesbians, *women will cheat when a man is happily willing to cheat with them.* If more of us men were honorable, the rate of female infidelity would plummet.


to be honest I'd say that was the reverse 

If a woman is throwing herself at men there will be no end of takers 

If men are doing the same I think it scares woman off to be honest.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

On a general point I do feel there is an element of truth to specific gender cheaters - woman do tend to scream out a justification of "he never met my emotional needs so I ....." more than men in my experience

But it's not so clearly defined imo cheaters will find whatever justification they can to do what they selfishly want when they want it. My personal one of manyfrom my cheating wife was a beauty - 

"you made me get a part time job for 7 hrs a week for 6 weeks 15 years ago" !!

I still chuckle at that one


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