# Help - Affection, Teasing, and Sex



## JustBrowsing (May 6, 2011)

I'm kinda in a funk or somethin and stumbled onto this website. I love my wife and we've been together for a while.

Throughout the relationship I've mainly been the one to initiate sex, show affection, and just "be horny." My wife rarely initiate's sex, doesn't tease me, and shows minimal affection. She has always told me that she does love me, loves sex, but just isn't good with initiating it or acting on her inhibitions.

I've been kinda hardened lately towards her because of this. I'm frustrated that after sooooo many years she hasn't changed and I'm in fear that she won't. 

Is there anything I can do to let her know that I need more? I've tried telling her but nothing has really changed. I KNOW women are wired differently when it comes to having sex or emotions, I GET that but damn, how about just some teasing or flirting?

I don't know.......


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

My husband is like your wife. I've just learn to accept that I'm in the driver's seat when it comes to affection, sex, flirting, teasing all of it. It sucks sometimes but overall he's a great husband, says he loves sex, doesn't turn me down, etc. He's just more reserved than me that's all. I no longer take it personally. I know he feels that way towards me he just can't show it that's all.


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## JustBrowsing (May 6, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> My husband is like your wife. I've just learn to accept that I'm in the driver's seat when it comes to affection, sex, flirting, teasing all of it. It sucks sometimes but overall he's a great husband, says he loves sex, doesn't turn me down, etc. He's just more reserved than me that's all. I no longer take it personally. I know he feels that way towards me he just can't show it that's all.


It can't be okay to live like this though. It leaves me feeling unwanted.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

JustBrowsing said:


> It can't be okay to live like this though. It leaves me feeling unwanted.


Are you really unwanted though?


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

Have you sat her down and discussed this with her about how you feel. Let her know even if she randomly got undressed and walked around naked is initiating sexual desire.Tell her intamacy is not a biggest part in a marriage but it helps with self esteem and if both parties initiate the sex it will help you both to feel good. Also if a woman has ever been rejected even in the past it will be hard for her to initiate sex due to rejection and lowers her self esteem maybe ask her if this is the case.


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## JustBrowsing (May 6, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Are you really unwanted though?


No, I don't think. No, I'm not.



Lonesomedove said:


> Have you sat her down and discussed this with her about how you feel. Let her know even if she randomly got undressed and walked around naked is initiating sexual desire.Tell her intamacy is not a biggest part in a marriage but it helps with self esteem and if both parties initiate the sex it will help you both to feel good. Also if a woman has ever been rejected even in the past it will be hard for her to initiate sex due to rejection and lowers her self esteem maybe ask her if this is the case.


I have but we have a 15 year old son. Doing the nude thing is not an option.

She is down for anything sex wise but has never been the "teasing" type or one to initiate sex.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Please do not be offended by this question, but I lived it -is she too religious, too spiritually minded? If so read my story : http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...sets-collide-sexually-repressed-awakened.html

If not, scrap that idea-- Is she on hormonal Birth control ? This can do a number on lowering a woman's sex drive! Contraception Information: Birth Control and Your Libido 

The higher a woman's sex drive, the more fantasies she has, the more compelling it will be to "lust", initiate, flirt, all of that down & dirty stuff. This is why it comes so natural for MEN. They have 10 times more of the hormone Testosterone flowing through their veins. (this is the LUST hormone) 

There is NOTHING wrong with your desires, never question that. Your love language could be Physical touch, words of Affirmation (in the flirty sense). 

When you FLIRT with her, does she respond to it ? Is she EXPRESSIVE in other areas of communication? 

I can tell you, I am VERY Expressive, so when I came intune with my sex drive, MY Flirting took flight like never before. My husband, on the other hand, is more of a quiet natured man, not as expressive as me, He can still do it-cause he knows I love it & he wants to make me happy , but he will never reach the heights of me - in this area. 

So take the personality/tempermet in context too -with our "expectations".


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## JustBrowsing (May 6, 2011)

No, not religious no bc.

She does respond to it but sometimes acts embarrased.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Talk to her about it in a non-threatening way. To Magnolia's point it may just be the way she is wired. In some ways you are lucky!  I understand how you feel, my wife doesn't initiate either. But for me, she also isn't "up to anything sexually".


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## JustBrowsing (May 6, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Talk to her about it in a non-threatening way. To Magnolia's point it may just be the way she is wired. In some ways you are lucky!  I understand how you feel, my wife doesn't initiate either. But for me, she also isn't "up to anything sexually".


Yea, I suppose I will again.

I truely think she just don't think about it like I do but can't understand how she's NOT horny?


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