# What is an appropriate sanction for violating a post-affair agreement?



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

If a fWW agreed to destroy all photos of previous APs as part of a R agreement, and then you discover the hidden "stash" of pics of them together, what should be the consequences? What about violating a no-contact agreement? Would the forum recommend jumping right back to filing for D proceedings, or are there other gradual steps that can be utilized? If so what are they? Recommendations needed for a good friend at work.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't have specific experience, but IMO, go back to filing for D. She broke the agreement, and her actions do not show remorse or that she has given up on the affair. She has a continuing attachment to the AP.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

She is still pining away for her AP. Keeping pictures hidden after an agreement that she would not tells me she is not willing to give up her AP even if she is only keeping the memory alive. I wouldn't think she is in a true reconciliation if she is going behind her husband's back and revisiting her memories with a man she cheated on her husband with. He isn't out of their lives yet. Yuck. If it were me, I would move ahead with a divorce.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Didn't read about violating a no contact agreement. Same result for me. How can you trust someone who does this? Easy; you can't.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

What do you want to do? Are you willing to put in more time to a second attempted R? How do you know she broke no-contact?
You could proceed with D, and tell her that until she adequately demonstrates trustworthiness and remorse for her betrayal, the D will continue. That puts the onus on her to show she wants to stay. But you better be willing to follow through, or you have no hope to survive a third betrayal.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I don't have specific experience, but IMO, go back to filing for D. She broke the agreement, and her actions do not show remorse or that she has given up on the affair. She has a continuing attachment to the AP.


This!


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MAJDEATH,

If this happened to you and is not just a hypothetical question, then....

1) Make copies of the photos compile them into a compact pdf photo album, email copies to her parents, OM, OMW, anyone that matters.

2) Take your WW to a polygraph.

3) A post nuptial. 

Tamat


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, a violation of these terms of agreement would be a resumption of the "nuclear option" ~ preeminently meaning picking back up with the D filing from the point that it was left off from ~ and with the rear view mirrors being removed to keep from giving them countless "second chances!"

Not being a very strong proponent of second chances, I would say that if I ever relented to that, that it would largely be a "one and done" situation insofar as any reconciliation efforts are concerned!

And greatly from the prospective that they have not only proven themselves the be the cheater that they are, but have also aptly demonstrated a marked propensity for being a liar as well!

And I could give a rat's a$$ for either one of those!!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> If a fWW agreed to destroy all photos of previous APs as part of a R agreement, and then you discover the hidden "stash" of pics of them together, what should be the consequences? What about violating a no-contact agreement? Would the forum recommend jumping right back to filing for D proceedings, or are there other gradual steps that can be utilized? If so what are they? Recommendations needed for a good friend at work.


*If she still has a stash of photos then she never had true remorse for the affair...any WS that keeps photos, keeps looking at photos or shows photos of their AP to other people is not truly remorseful. *


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Violating the marriage by cheating and then violating the marriage again by cheating.

Affair still active.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I think 5Creed nailed it, nothing to go back to and for what, to watch her pining for someone else? No thanks, I'll take divorce behind door number two please, bob. 

Also, ask her how often she looks at these pictures. 

Forgot she had them= monthly.
Hardly ever=every other week
Occasionally= weekly
Never= every day

Good luck with this one, I can hear the justification coming down the rails now!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

It should tell you that your marriage means nothing to her so rather beat your head against the wall trying to come up with a punishment to fit the crime, then living your life wondering if there was one stash she hid, is there another and is she still seeing him or communicating with him in a way you don't know then your best bet is "Out of sight, out of mind" And that means this.

Tell her that you can't trust her any longer and it's obvious that she has no intentions of trying to make good on her promises so with that said, tell her that she is free to go and grab her suitcases and tell her that she lost the right to live under the same roof with you. 

Get a lawyer with teeth, and blow her and her affair out of the water. Let friends, family and the OM's family know and then it's her issue to deal with.

All you have to do is ask yourself is if you deserve better then your getting and you'll have your answer and you'll know what to do but understand that as of now she doesn't really fear any consequences from you so bring the hammer down and be done with it.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

For one thing, it depends if those sanctions were discussed and a line was drawn in the sand. If so, the sanctions should be the same as you committed to. If it was divorce, then divorce.

But if they weren't discussed; it's very rare that a WS is perfect from the point of Dday. I would dare say that most BS's have had to endure some form of disappointing behavior from the WS as R goes forward.

In my case, through looking at her browser history, I caught my wife looking on Facebook at pictures of the OM - not too long after Dday. It didn't violate no contact, but it wasn't acceptable, I let her know that, and going forward she knew what would happen if she did it again.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Thanks for the replies. He is 6 months post-R, with a NC agreement in place. Part of the R agreement was the disposal of all pics of the OM, both digital and printed. He sat with her while she deleted pics and she gave him several more hard copies, which they destroyed. 

Over the weekend he discovered a stash of about 5 hard copy pictures of them together in a small cardboard box in the garage. The next part is genius - He documented the find by taking digital pics, then he placed the empty box on a pile of paper/cardboard garage trash he was planing to burn outside. He then called her into the garage and asked her if she had any more pics of the OM and she said no. He then made some excuse for her to step out behind the garage and see the pile just starting to burn.

She then asked him to get something from inside the house, and he kept making excuses why not to leave. She finally ran over and kicked the box off the pile just as it started to burn. Of course he asked her why and she said she left some expensive ribbon in the box. After throwing the bs flag and showing her the pics on his phone of the find, at first she said she forgot, but then admitted to keeping the pics. He then lit the box and destroyed the remaining pics.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I'd say, after she tried to save the pictures, the marriage just went up in flames.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> Thanks for the replies. He is 6 months post-R, with a NC agreement in place. Part of the R agreement was the disposal of all pics of the OM, both digital and printed. He sat with her while she deleted pics and she gave him several more hard copies, which they destroyed.
> 
> Over the weekend he discovered a stash of about 5 hard copy pictures of them together in a small cardboard box in the garage. The next part is genius - He documented the find by taking digital pics, then he placed the empty box on a pile of paper/cardboard garage trash he was planing to burn outside. He then called her into the garage and asked her if she had any more pics of the OM and she said no. He then made some excuse for her to step out behind the garage and see the pile just starting to burn.
> 
> She then asked him to get something from inside the house, and he kept making excuses why not to leave. She finally ran over and kicked the box off the pile just as it started to burn. Of course he asked her why and she said she left some expensive ribbon in the box. After throwing the bs flag and showing her the pics on his phone of the find, at first she said she forgot, but then admitted to keeping the pics. He then lit the box and destroyed the remaining pics.


she still has a thing for the om..he burned the pics she burned the marriage..nothing left to see there...


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

5Creed said:


> How can you trust someone who does this? Easy; you can't.


Either D or accept the above as the new normal.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MAJDEATH,

Was the OM exposed to everyone, did your friend raise enough hell in OM life that he threw the WW under the bus, getting OM fired, making him move, divorced etc. It's important to kill the vampire who has cast a spell over his WW.

Tamat


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Divorce.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What I would do is realize that we were in a false reconciliation and just walk away. I'd probably leave them on the kitchen table with my lawyer's business card on top.

And then just focus on building a new life.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Not that the divorce answer isn't right, but if the poor sap isn't willing to go there. Consequences, should be logical and natural. The first consequence should be a loss of trust. That should be followed by voluntary restrictions of her freedoms that will reassure him and help rebuild trust. It's her turn to prove she is in the marriage, and actively fighting to avoid the AP. Even in her feelings. She should have taken out the pictures and burned them herself. Confession and contrition. 

I have to tell you that when I told my 17 y.o. son that his consequence for lying about an auto accident would be loss of trust he was deviated. He didn't know how he could rebuild that.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Not that the divorce answer isn't right, but if the poor sap isn't willing to go there. Consequences, should be logical and natural. The first consequence should be a loss of trust. That should be followed by voluntary restrictions of her freedoms that will reassure him and help rebuild trust. It's her turn to prove she is in the marriage, and actively fighting to avoid the AP. Even in her feelings. She should have taken out the pictures and burned them herself. Confession and contrition.


Sorry, but if they're running into this kind of crap 6 months into reconciliation, then there's just no point in any of ^this^.

I'd advise him to pull the freaking plug and move on.



Mr. Nail said:


> I have to tell you that when I told my 17 y.o. son that his consequence for lying about an auto accident would be loss of trust he was deviated. He didn't know how he could rebuild that.


Our spouses aren't our children aren't our spouses.

At least they're not _supposed_ to be.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I think that just going fullsteam ahead with the divorce might be a little extreme. I think I would tell her I found out about the picturesand ask what she thinks is a reasonable way to address it. If she doesn't seem too concerned about it, that's where I would draw the line. If she does seem concerned you could insist the pictures are distroyed in your presence and if anything else is found, make it clear there would be no second chance.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

@GusPolinski,
You are right on all points. Yes six months in and still hiding things is a very bad sign. But, I wrote the answer in my mind When I read the thread title. I thought it might still be of use for those in a fresher situation, or in a more viable reconciliation. I do have to admit that reconciliation is a fine second chance and another is not fair to the offended. I've never gone down that path still being on marriage #1. (and almost positive that there will never be a #2 even if I am betrayed or widowered). So my apologies for tossing it in after it was relevant.

On to the Children question. Interestingly I felt that it was because he was on the edge of adulthood that my son deserved a Natural consequence. No contrived grounding or privileged revoking. Just what would happen if you did this to your boss, or your customer, or your friend. Too often we look for "grand gestures" when what we really need is day to day steadiness, transparency, honesty and dependability.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> I think that just going fullsteam ahead with the divorce might be a little extreme. I think I would tell her I found out about the picturesand ask what she thinks is a reasonable way to address it. If she doesn't seem too concerned about it, that's where I would draw the line. If she does seem concerned you could insist the pictures are distroyed in your presence and if anything else is found, make it clear there would be no second chance.


When people show you who you are, believe them.

The best case scenario is that she forgot about them, which means that she didn't make sure she protected her new commitment to him.

The worst case scenario is that she is still hanging onto him, pining over him, and will go back to him if given the chance.

Either way, it's enough to pull the pin.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Kill the marriage


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> I'd say, after she tried to save the pictures, the marriage just went up in flames.




I'd say the box was gasoline the pictures were the spark and the knocking the box of the burning pile was the oxygen. Hey, WILSON, I made fire!!!!!!! Actually a nice job by the guy, he can start the next family fire with the wedding rings!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

It depends on what you are willing to tolerate and for how long. I gave my WW about 3 years she didn't deserve. We were married for 23. To the best of my knowledge she cheated on me for the last 4 of those. I suspected for the last 3. Had DDay 1 about 2 years before the second and final DDay. 

If she was someone I could trust, she wouldn't have let me feel suspicious for a year. Asking questions and getting lie after lie. 
If she was someone I could trust, she would have come clean after Dday 1 and actually work on repairing our relationship. Not scramble to go through the motions and hide her other affairs from me, and worse, continue them.

I don't regret giving her the chance, but now I'm glad I ended things on Dday2. I was changing. Getting angry, withdrawn. I didn't trust myself and was starting to have thoughts that were very dark. 

Sleeping with another dude isn't the same as hiding some pictures. But why is she hiding the pictures? Because she wants to hold onto the fantasy she had with him. She hasn't let it go. That's something to worry about. She isn't working on connecting with you when she leaves a piece of herself wanting someone else.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> Not that the divorce answer isn't right, but if the poor sap isn't willing to go there. Consequences, should be logical and natural. The first consequence should be a loss of trust. That should be followed by voluntary restrictions of her freedoms that will reassure him and help rebuild trust. It's her turn to prove she is in the marriage, and actively fighting to avoid the AP. Even in her feelings. She should have taken out the pictures and burned them herself. Confession and contrition.


Loss of trust already occurred.
She was already restricted.
She fought to save the pictures.
She decided to lie and not confess.

Sorry, "logical and natural" left when she was busted and 6 months later was caught in another major lie.



> Sleeping with another dude isn't the same as hiding some pictures.


It is when it is the affair partner that blew up your marriage.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Momentos(pics) kept after NC was agreed upon is action enough to proceed with the consequences of D.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

marduk said:


> When people show you who you are, believe them.
> 
> The best case scenario is that she forgot about them, which means that she didn't make sure she protected her new commitment to him.
> 
> ...


It certainly might be enough, but when they walk away from this a consider what was the one thing that pushed them from R to D it was finding a stinkin picture. I think I would me mad at myself if it were me.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> It certainly might be enough, but when they walk away from this a consider what was the one thing that pushed them from R to D it was finding a stinkin picture. I think I would me mad at myself if it were me.


And I would think "why would they risk losing me after already cheating on me over a stinking picture?"

And then I would think "because our marriage matters less than that picture."

But that's me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

marduk said:


> And I would think "why would they risk losing me after already cheating on me over a stinking picture?"
> 
> *And then I would think "because our marriage matters less than that picture."* Bullseye!!!
> 
> ...


The risk was worth it to her..knowing how devastated her H would be if he found them..this does not sound like a remorseful decent woman to me...


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

I'd say to your friend Marduk

Why arn't you posting on TAM


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

G.J. said:


> I'd say to your friend Marduk
> 
> Why arn't you posting on TAM


Huh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

curious as the flames were going and the pictures were burning what was her facial expression like? and what was said afterwards?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Xenote said:


> curious as the flames were going and the pictures were burning what was her facial expression like? and what was said afterwards?


She probably has a digital stash of photos as well...


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Pure Gold

Would of liked to be a fly outside watching her facial expressions as the pictures went up in smoke!


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

marduk said:


> Huh?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My age catching up with me....can't scan posts as good :wink2:

marduk should have read MajDeath


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> It certainly might be enough, but when they walk away from this a consider what was the one thing that pushed them from R to D it was finding a stinkin picture. I think I would me mad at myself if it were me.


You call it "a picture", I call it a cache of well-tended lies.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marduk said:


> When people show you who you are, believe them.
> 
> The best case scenario is that she forgot about them, which means that she didn't make sure she protected her new commitment to him.
> 
> ...


Sure, she might have forgotten about them... but she sure remembered that they were in the box once she saw it on the burn pile.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> If a fWW agreed to destroy all photos of previous APs as part of a R agreement, and then you discover the hidden "stash" of pics of them together, what should be the consequences? What about violating a no-contact agreement? Would the forum recommend jumping right back to filing for D proceedings, or are there other gradual steps that can be utilized? If so what are they? Recommendations needed for a good friend at work.


1. Ask for a complete explanation
2. File for divorce regardless of the answer


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

The Middleman said:


> 1. Ask for a complete explanation
> 2. File for divorce regardless if answer


Why #1?

I mean, if she wants him back she'll tearfully give you 37 different explanations that all seem reasonable and like he's being a **** and overreacting.

So what's the point in going through all that?

Either she forgot, in which case she was negligent and didn't make sure that this wouldn't happen to him, or she wanted to keep momentos of the other guy, or she's pining over him.

Take your pick. It wouldn't matter to me.


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## tpdallas (Aug 28, 2015)

If you are going to file for divorce there is no need to ask a bunch of questions about how long or how often they look at photos.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Who are we really talking about here? You or your spouse? Are you or she a victim of CSA? I realize some posters reading this may wonder where this comment is coming from. Your response to David is very different then your posts in your own threads which are all over the place. In three months you have started 16 threads. 

You are a person in great pain, but to get help you need to provide clarity.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Help your friend find a good attorney.

He does not need a third betrayal.

One is too many. Two is over, burned to dust.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

marduk said:


> Why #1?
> 
> I mean, if she wants him back she'll tearfully give you 37 different explanations that all seem reasonable and like he's being a **** and overreacting.
> 
> ...


First, I corrected a typo, hope that helped. 

I just want to see her stutter and fumble for an answer before I kick her to the curb.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Move to D immediately. No warning. Consult the atty and quietly get all the ducks in a row, then hit her with the filing. Gather and secure any important proof of the affair and violation if it has any legal bearing on D terms. 

IMO, violation must be answered with the consequences specified or implied at the time the NC was imposed and agreed to.


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## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

You are a stronger man than I. 

I refuse to live looking over my shoulder and working toward winning someone back who should in fact be working hard to win me back.

No, I won't do all that work. I'd rather put that time and effort living a new life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Establish if the images were deliberately saved or not. 

Then take the appropriate action.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

wait did WW attempt to save the pictures? tsk that there is just sad... time to D...

she risked getting burned for the OM's pic's.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

OK she cheated on him and then lied about it. 
Then they try to R and AGAIN she lied.
He asked her about pictures and she lied AGAIN.

Is this guy blind or what,why is he wasting his time on this woman ?

I would serve her with D papers long time ago.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


Yes, to your last sentence.

All of the others will just reinforce the sickness that that relationship is. 

There's no trust and no love in this dysfunctional mess.

Bibi


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


How about they act like grown ups instead? Grounding your spouse is treating them like a child.

Treating them like adults means that when they damage the relationship sufficiently, you leave the relationship with as much dignity and self-respect as possible.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

eastsouth2000 said:


> wait did WW attempt to save the pictures? tsk that there is just sad... time to D...
> 
> she risked getting burned for the OM's pic's.


^^^^^^

And you want to see if 1 months of housework and sexy time is worth this......Really, is it that good that you're even considering staying?

If you make boundaries and cave each time she breaks it, why even do anything. Just let her have her way and live by the motto, ignorance is bliss. This isn't some minor crap, this is something major that she broke.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


nuclear option is not the only path.

the correct way would be to approach this via the marriage counseling.
see how-if this can be resolved.

i had done some digging into this situation.

a lot of waywards do keep mementos from former lovers. from picture's,paintings ,gifts, articles of unwashed clothing(disgusting). you'd be surprised to know that this is a very common occurrence. 

you are not the first bs to notice this.
it's more common to female WS than male but still there are incidences.

so how did your fww react to this incident.
what did she say? what was her excuse this time?

again take this issue up with counseling.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


I guess it would depend on how the R has gone thus far. Maybe have her move out for a while until he has considered his options and how to proceed. Maybe it will give her a taste of what losing everything will truly be like and she'll start to get serious about R.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Oh my Lord. I can clean around my apartment,I can find some girl who will like me and go to bed with me,hell I will even pay her if I am that desperate . But I will never live with the person who does not love me and has no respect for me. Wife who lie to me over and over again,wife who keeps her secret and dreaming about some other guy. No way in hell.


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> Thanks for the replies. He is 6 months post-R, with a NC agreement in place. Part of the R agreement was the disposal of all pics of the OM, both digital and printed. He sat with her while she deleted pics and she gave him several more hard copies, which they destroyed.
> 
> Over the weekend he discovered a stash of about 5 hard copy pictures of them together in a small cardboard box in the garage. The next part is genius - He documented the find by taking digital pics, then he placed the empty box on a pile of paper/cardboard garage trash he was planing to burn outside. He then called her into the garage and asked her if she had any more pics of the OM and she said no. He then made some excuse for her to step out behind the garage and see the pile just starting to burn.
> 
> She then asked him to get something from inside the house, and he kept making excuses why not to leave. She finally ran over and kicked the box off the pile just as it started to burn. Of course he asked her why and she said she left some expensive ribbon in the box. After throwing the bs flag and showing her the pics on his phone of the find, at first she said she forgot, but then admitted to keeping the pics. He then lit the box and destroyed the remaining pics.


I guess I can sort of understand digital pictures with your AP (GAG), but hard copies? That indicates she planned a future where these would end up in a frame. Not cool.


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


Change the "sexy time" to "nap" and this sounds like a punishment I would give to a child. 

She WANTED to keep those pictures, what else is there to discuss?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


WHY Would a man want "sexy time" with a woman who is pining after her affair partner??? This isn't a true R because she doesn't want to give him up. She had the ultimatum and continued to keep pics and lie piled atop of lie.

Nuclear is the only option. This marriage is dead. Put a fork in it.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I talked to my coworker, he is considering all options. Her excuse was "she forgot all about the pictures, until she saw the box on top of the fire, then suddenly remembered".


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> I talked to my coworker, he is considering all options. Her excuse was "she forgot all about the pictures, until she saw the box on top of the fire, then suddenly remembered".


Really? If she'd forgotten then suddenly remembered, why she lie about there being ribbon in it? 

This is ridiculous and childish game they are both playing. He's going to threaten her to produce sexytime on demand... Or what? 

Nothing has the kind of impact as a person that is fed up with the other person's [email protected] and is done with him/her.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Satya said:


> MAJDEATH said:
> 
> 
> > I talked to my coworker, he is considering all options. Her excuse was "she forgot all about the pictures, until she saw the box on top of the fire, then suddenly remembered".
> ...


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

MAJDEATH said:


> I talked to my coworker, he is considering all options. Her excuse was "she forgot all about the pictures, until she saw the box on top of the fire, then suddenly remembered".


And then tried to save it after destroying the others?

She is still holding a candle for the OM and he if wants to break that hold then he needs to file for a D then ride it out until he is 100% sure she was over him. The process of going through a divorce may be enough to snap her out of the fog (as long as she doesn't think he is bluffing). Sometimes people have to learn things the hard way.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about she does 100 percent of the household chores for a month? Sexy time whenever he asks? Go to counseling? Is the nuclear option the only one?


Seriously? You'd accept her lying there like a dead fish just to let you stick your penis in her, as 'payment?' The only option he has is 'I'm leaving you unless you give me 100% FAITHFULNESS, LOYALTY, and HARD WORK TO EARN ME BACK.'


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