# Deprssion has returned. Resent my husband, hate myself more.



## Dark Nova (Apr 27, 2011)

I have been married for 5 months and lately things have been tense. I moved to the U.S from Australia to be with my husband and I am finding myself struggling to be happy here. I am often homesick and as I came from a big city to a small country town, I fell bored and trapped.
I don't have a car and as I am not yet allowed to look for a job, The U.S government has to give me permission to do anything, I spend most of my days doing the same activities until I can't take it anymore. 
My husband works 5-6 days a week and on his day off likes to just relax at home playing video games or hanging out with his friends. I am invited to join in this activity but I find it hard to participate because I usually have to repeat myself because his friends/game have the majority of his attention. I love my husband, but I wish he would make more effort to include me and realize that we aren't kids anymore and we have new responsibilities.
I was diagnosed with depression 3 years ago and for a while things were great, but now I think I am relapsing. 
I cry myself to sleep on many nights and I have had terrible insomnia. Whenever I try to talk to my husband about my feelings I end up getting angry and saying hurtful things and we have an argument. This has happened at least 4 times in the last 2 weeks. 
We always make up and never go to bed angry, but I fell like it is because I give in during the arguments and agree with him just to stop the fight. My husband is a really nice guy and he does care about my feelings but he thinks that when I have a problem, it just needs to be "fixed". I tell him I am lonely so he tells me to talk to his brother more. I tell him I am bored and he tells me there are plenty of things to like play his video games and read. I have been doing nothing but those things for 5 months! 
And this morning I came downstairs in a bad mood because of my insomnia and the first thing he asks is "Is it my fault you couldn't sleep?" So I fire back with something I know will hurt.
"I want to go back to Australia and I am sick of living in a hick town". So he goes to work all upset and I get to sit here for the next 12 hours, alone and hating myself. I don't mean to hurt him, but I can't seem to help myself. I feel like a terrible wife.
I am sorry to have gone on such a long and self pitying rant, but I just need to hear some advice from other married people living with depression. 
Does it get better?


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## turbos (Nov 5, 2011)

Hey Dark Nova! I'm from CA and am now living in WI for my wife and her kids so I know what you mean about feeling lonely and bored. I had to recently drop out of school too and go back to a job I hate in a state I abhor. So ya it can totally suck. Love my wife to pieces, but theres issues there too that don't make this any easier. I don't really have any great advice I can't hardly sleep either these days so I picked up a second job too. Anyways your post just felt a lot like how I feel and I thought it might be nice to let you know that at least you don't have to feel alone in feeling some of this stuff.


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Oh my how did I stumble upon this thread?
OP....iin Victoria about two hours drive from Melbourne there is a small town named Ararat. And there is a street named Benbow st. And there is a woman named Dawn.
The silly people drive on the wrong side of the street and even walk on the wrong side of the side walk! The bloaks! They use the term "oh buggar" and "fortnight" and I couldn't learn the Aussie language.lol. But there was a McDonalds close by. But they had no idea what I meant when I wanted a coffee with cream and sugar,hehehe. The Aussie gov't.doesn't want many Americans that can't contribute alot to their economy and are young. And,,,I will not say anymore other than I feel your pain after having lived my life in Ohio and then trying what it appears you are trying,perhaps to the TEE! Good luck,Cobbby.


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## Dark Nova (Apr 27, 2011)

Its a small comfort to know that I am not the only person that has been in this situation. 
Moving so far from home is hard but I am not giving up yet.


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## Dark Nova (Apr 27, 2011)

Bartimaus:
Interesting. I moved from Victoria to Ohio. Small world.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Dark Nova,

My wife has depression too and frequently resents me (and pretty much everyone else). My wife's condition is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Even if I could avoid all her triggers, if I earned $100K a day, if I had washboard abs, looked like Brad Pitt, and was as sensitive as the gayest of male friends, she still would be depressed. I can't change anyone's brain chemistry, no matter how much I'd love to. Your depression isn't a geography problem but a medical one. There are depressed people in Australia, and in urban centers as well as hick towns. 
You didn't ask for depression just like nobody asks for diabetes. You have it and although it's hell for you, it's no picinic for your husband, either. It's an illness as any other and you both have to weather it as a couple as you would any other sickness. Your husband isn't your enemy and you aren't his. The problem is the depression. Luckily, it can be treated and managed.


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