# Engagement Watch?



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

So my cousin is getting remarried, and when I talked to him last night he mentioned that his fiancee wants a really top-of-the-line Swiss automatic watch instead of an engagement ring.  Then later, when they marry, she only wants a simple gold band. 

By the way, this is second marriages for both of them. He's 50 and she is 45 and she just moved in with him. 

The watch is about $4k, which is about the cost of a decent solitaire ring. He asked her why she wanted a watch and she says that she doesn't need a diamond, that a watch is much more practical for her lifestyle, and because this is a really nice one she will wear it like jewelry and only use it when she is dressing up. The rest of the time it will stay in his gun safe. 

She already has her old wedding set with a huge 1+ carat rock in it from her prior marriage. 

His issue is not so much the watch, but that it will be a while before they marry, and he wants her to have an engagement ring to mark his territory so to speak. He wants everyone to know she is his betrothed. I mentioned that maybe he could buy her the watch, and then maybe buy her a nice simple $1,000 engagement ring with maybe a 1/2 carat rock. That way she has both. 

Or would she get pissed at him buying her such a puny rock? 

I dunno, I've never heard of a gal wanting something like this before. And women are complex so I don't want to give him bad advice. In the end she will marry him, no matter if he buys her the watch or not. She's a great gal and a huuuuuuge improvement over the fire-breathing spawn of evil he just divorced. 

I don't plan on getting any more involved in it than I already am, but have you gals ever hear of this before?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I'm with your cuz, I'd want my woman to have a $6K rock on her finger to let the world know she's mine. 

I'd buy her a $1K Tag and spend $3-4K on a nice custom ring. Problem solved.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

What about getting her a different type of stone something other than a diamond. Something different - perhaps an antique ring with a colored stone such as an emerald, ruby or a sapphire. My daughter's engagement ring is a huge sapphire and it is absolutely beautiful!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

They should do whatever THEY agree is suitable, and it sounds like they need to reach some sort of compromise. If he feels he needs to "mark his territory," is that because he doesn't trust her? Seriously. Or is he wanting to compete with her old ring for some reason?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

karole said:


> What about getting her a different type of stone something other than a diamond. Something different - perhaps an antique ring with a colored stone such as an emerald, ruby or a sapphire. My daughter's engagement ring is a huge sapphire and it is absolutely beautiful!


You just triggered me. 

My ex had an antique ruby and opal ring from the 1920s. I searched a year to find that fvcker. Cost me $3,000 back in '91.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> You just triggered me.
> 
> My ex had an antique ruby and opal ring from the 1920s. I searched a year to find that fvcker. Cost me $3,000 back in '91.


So sorry Bandit...............


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> They should do whatever THEY agree is suitable, and it sounds like they need to reach some sort of compromise. *If he feels he needs to "mark his territory," is that because he doesn't trust her? Seriously. Or is he wanting to compete with her old ring for some reason?*


No no no....

My cousin is a very decent guy: a bit old fashioned, but far from controlling. He just wants everyone to know she is his, because he is proud of her and is proud to be with her... not because he doesn't trust her. She is a peerless lady. We have both known her since childhood and we know her history well. She would cut off her arm before cheating on someone she loves. 

She and her ex-husband got an amicable divorce three or so years ago. They just ran out of steam for each other. There was no adultery. In fact, he and my cousin are very good friends and he approves of the marriage. 

He wants to spend good money for something nice and was going to take her to a good jeweler to buy a ring, but she really doesn't want one. He insisted, so she finally asked him to buy her this particular watch she has always desired.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

karole said:


> So sorry Bandit...............


Its OK!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

It's just a present and doesn't perform the function very well. When I saw the title of this thread I thought of a specialized watch with a countdown timer, that would show a real commitment to get married on a certain day. That I could get behind. 

As far as the marking territory,as barbaric as that sounds, I'd personally be happy with an inexpensive tungsten band in a silver color, that she could wear everyday in comfort that clearly says "I'm Taken". Then if you want to buy expensive presents, go right ahead.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

GuyInColorado said:


> I'm with your cuz, *I'd want my woman to have a $6K rock on her finger to let the world know she's mine.
> *
> I'd buy her a $1K Tag and spend $3-4K on a nice custom ring. Problem solved.


Me too. But his gf wants a Omega Galaxy. It's a damn nice watch. He showed me a pic of it. It has twelve baby diamonds, one at each numeral, and the whole thing is 18k gold. I mean, this is a really, really nice automatic watch. And the jeweler is giving him a really good deal. Normally that watch goes for about $6k.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> It's just a present and doesn't perform the function very well. When I saw the title of this thread I thought of a specialized watch with a countdown timer, that would show a real commitment to get married on a certain day. That I could get behind.
> 
> As far as the marking territory,as barbaric as that sounds, *I'd personally be happy with an inexpensive tungsten band in a silver color, that she could wear everyday in comfort that clearly says "I'm Taken". * Then if you want to buy expensive presents, go right ahead.


She would actually go for that. Thing is, she just wants to marry him. She would go to the courthouse with him today and tie the knot with a twist-tie on her finger. He's the one who wants to pamper her.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

get the watch. It's what she wants. iT's a darn nice gift.
All he should want is to make her happy, and from the way you describe her, there's no reason to have her wearing a fancy diamond. She did for the last guy and still she "ran out of steam". Sounds like a pretty cool idea to me.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think the watch is a great idea, much better than a ring. If she wants it, then get it for her. 

I have always disliked classic diamond engagement rings. Its way to close to putting a price tag on someone - the cost of diamonds is just too well defined. 

I got my wife an inexpensive but unique ring when we were engaged long ago. She still loves it. If I'd used all my resources back then to buy a ring, it would be cheaper than the trinkets I sometimes buy her now just to see her smile.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I'd be really hurt if that happened to me. I think I would suspect that maybe she doesn't want people to know she's engaged and after that married....perhaps she wants appear available??? And if you get her the watch she would only wear it for special occasions, it's not a thing where she would be wearing all the time thinking of you. 

There needs to be some kind of compromise here. Most women frown on a small ring, I wonder why she is so different not even wanting one at all.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> I'd be really hurt if that happened to me. I think I would suspect that maybe she doesn't want people to know she's engaged and after that married....perhaps she wants appear available??? And if you get her the watch she would only wear it for special occasions, it's not a thing where she would be wearing all the time thinking of you.
> 
> There needs to be some kind of compromise here. Most women frown on a small ring,* I wonder why she is so different not even wanting one at all.*


I don't know the details. 

She grew up a ranch girl, she's a horsewoman, works outside with her hands a lot. The engagement ring she had from her ex-hubby hardly got worn either. She's still an attractive lady in a tomboyish, weathered kind of way. She used to be a bombshell in her youth, but spending twenty something years as a mom and training horses and doing outdoor work have taken their toll. A diamond ring on her rough hands would be almost superfluous. 

As for appearing "available"? No way. She won't let any other man come within ten feet of her except my cousin. He doesn't have anything to worry about. 

Everyone in their social circle knows they are getting hitched and most guys know and respect my cousin. I don't think anyone would try to steal her from him.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Okay, I didn't come here to find out what the dudes think. I want to hear from you ladies.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*All that I can say is that if and when Ol' Arb commits to marry for a third time, the engagement ring for "her" will continue to be standard fare!

But the new rub is that this old fart is going to demand a nice Rolex as my "engagement watch!"

Bottom line, Bandito, is that I'm just too traditional to go with anything other than giving her an engagement ring!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

You know not all women such as myself like big rocks on a ring. I choose mine. My engagement ring has very tiny little diamonds on it b/c I wanted a practical ring I could wear with my wedding ring too. If she wants that watch I think that's great . Perhaps he can get her a plain silver ring as a token of their commitment too as an extra gift. It sounds like she prefers practicality , plain silver ring will be comfortable. 
So I mean get her both! Watch and silver ring! 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

no name said:


> You know not all women such as myself like big rocks on a ring. I choose mine. My engagement ring has very tiny little diamonds on it b/c I wanted a practical ring I could wear with my wedding ring too. If she wants that watch I think that's great . Perhaps he can get her a plain silver ring as a token of their commitment too as an extra gift. It sounds like she prefers practicality , plain silver ring will be comfortable.
> So I mean get her both! Watch and silver ring!
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hey that is a good idea! A thin silver temporary ring to indicate that she is spoken for, and then maybe a nice quality 14k gold band on wedding day. She did tell him (in her words) that she wants a "big fat" wedding band that will really catch people's eyes when she is his wife. 

I will mention that to him. 

I may also offer to buy their tickets and a three days at a nice resort in Vegas so they can elope.. as a wedding present. I keep asking him "What the hell are you waiting for? This woman wants to wed you badly. Call her kids and ask them to take care of her horses, go pick her up at work on a Friday, and fly to Vegas and get hitched!"


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

:::continuing off topic by posting while male::: @arbitrator I'm also traditional which is why I prefer simple wedding bands over Diamonds. 
I also think it is getting pretty unusual for people to wear watches now. Just old fossils like me who would rather not dig out my phone to see what time it is.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> :::continuing off topic by posting while male:::
> @arbitrator I'm also traditional which is why I prefer simple wedding bands over Diamonds.
> I also think it is getting pretty unusual for people to wear watches now. Just old fossils like me who would rather not dig out my phone to see what time it is.


Me too. I'm as computer literate as most, but I love my Longines wristwatch. I will not part with it for any man or woman. It is a badass piece of Swiss engineering that I love to just look at.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I hate spending money on a stinking diamond that really has no intrinsic value since DEBeers monopolizes the trade and since they bought the huge nine in Canada.
But I did. All 1.89 carats.

I didn't get my engagement Rolex. I think I may mention my expectation.😬

Hell, I'd better not. I might get it and I'd just lose it or scratch it all up.
I'm not a fancy kind of guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Me too. But his gf wants a Omega Galaxy. It's a damn nice watch. He showed me a pic of it. It has twelve baby diamonds, one at each numeral, and the whole thing is 18k gold. I mean, this is a really, really nice automatic watch. And the jeweler is giving him a really good deal. Normally that watch goes for about $6k.


Amateur Design guy says...

One needs to look at an Omega watch to understand... It's an amazing piece of work. That or a Breitling ...

It makes most any ring look like it came out of a cereal box. Give her an extra long hug and tell her she has good - great - taste.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

All good except the point where he got angry because you lost it. I've never gotten angry at my wife over anything accidental. 






FrenchFry said:


> I didn't want an engagement ring either. Definitely not anything that cost four figures. No diamonds, no precious metals. I knew myself and I cannot be trusted with expensive yet small jewelry. I also am not a fan of either industry. In fact, I told my husband if he ever bought me a diamond, we would be over as a couple. The "marking" made no difference to me. With or without a ring, I was his and he knows it.
> 
> My husband thought of me as a unicorn in this respect but listened to me and bought a non-diamond, non precious metal ring well under four figures--which I lost within 4 months of our engagement.
> 
> ...


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

no name said:


> You know not all women such as myself like big rocks on a ring. I choose mine. My engagement ring has very tiny little diamonds on it b/c I wanted a practical ring I could wear with my wedding ring too. If she wants that watch I think that's great . Perhaps he can get her a plain silver ring as a token of their commitment too as an extra gift. It sounds like she prefers practicality , plain silver ring will be comfortable.
> So I mean get her both! Watch and silver ring!
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I'm with this idea. I'm a lady!! Lol
If she wants the watch, definitely get the watch. Then explain to her that a band would mean a lot to you (your cuz). If it can be squeezed in his budget, get her a simple band. Everybody wins. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## no name (Aug 4, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Hey that is a good idea! A thin silver temporary ring to indicate that she is spoken for, and then maybe a nice quality 14k gold band on wedding day. She did tell him (in her words) that she wants a "big fat" wedding band that will really catch people's eyes when she is his wife.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Iam glad to help! 


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Cool! My H wanted a Wedding Watch. The ring we chose for him was awesome, manly, and it looks great on him, but it was really inexpensive. That wasn't necessarily on purpose. It just ended up being the case for what we both liked. 

But even before that he had told me he wanted to get a wedding watch. He picked out a quite awesome one, and he is thrilled with his decision to get a wedding watch along with a simple ring he likes, instead of buying an expensive ring he didn't like just because that seems like what you are "supposed to do". 

Maybe he can get her the inexpensive wedding ring she wants and have her wear it now if he wants to get some real estate on her finger. I think the watch is a lovely idea...

Sounds like you really like your STB Cousin! I'm happy for your cuz and your while family.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I'm odd, yes I am. Quite anti engagement ring due to the "ownership" symbolism of the past. Men don't usually wear one so does that mean they are not "taken" till marriage.

But my ex gave me a very, very, very exy engagement ring which I adore and keep in the family safe. It is a one off, made for me to my specs. Huge square diamond, platinum and gold, stunning. 

I miss wearing the ring far more than I miss the ex. For now MrH and I wear symbolic rings as we are defacto but when we do marry I want to wear my old engagement ring. One day I will have the nerve to ask MrH what he thinks of this.

As for the watch idea, sounds great. I bet she will cherish it. All the best to your cousin.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I haven't heard of this before but if it's meaningful to her, she will no doubt cherish this. I actually think it's quite a lovely idea. 'Until the end of time, I'll truly adore you..' came to my mind. Oh and 'Time after time..' There's a whole playlist that could be inspired from this engagement watch! If the ring represents something to him too, then why not do both as a symbol of love, so long as he accepts they won't be worn often. 

The important part is there already... the love... regardless of rings or watches.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm not a big fancy jewelry person either. The now-ex Mr. Rowan selected my engagement ring himself. It was pretty and I was thrilled to receive it from him and wore it with pride, but it was not really my style or what I would have chosen. He continued to select a lot of large, flashy, diamond jewelry for me over the years - again, pretty but not my style_ at all_ - despite multiple conversations about my preference for simpler pieces, or even other types of gifts entirely. I wore the pieces occasionally because he wanted me to and because I loved him and wanted him to be happy. The rest of the time I wore the smaller, simpler, pieces that I had bought for myself. 

But you know what would have made me happy? Having the man who professed undying love to me actually listen and believe me when I said I'm not a flashy diamond kind of girl - rather than buying me stuff he thought I "should" like. The stereotype that 'girls/women want big diamonds' is completely irrelevant if _your_ girl/woman doesn't. 

So, if your cousin's fiancée says she would rather have the watch, then that's what he should get her. If his ego requires something to mark his territory (Really? Why not just hike a leg and pee on her, like a truck tire? ) then he could buy her a simple promise ring, or a claddagh ring, or something else small, for now. When they marry, he can replace the promise ring with the simple wedding band that she wants.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *
> But the new rub is that this old fart is going to demand a nice Rolex as my "engagement watch!"
> 
> *


*



Evinrude58 said:



I didn't get my engagement Rolex. I think I may mention my expectation.😬

Click to expand...




Spicy said:



Cool! My H wanted a Wedding Watch.

Click to expand...


When I saw the thread title, I thought it meant men were now starting to (finally) get a nice piece of jewelry when they get engaged.

I think that's a great idea. Here's to a new tradition.

Evinrude: I don't think Rolex watches can get scratched?....can they?*


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My preference on wedding rings is a plain gold band, unremarkable and unmarked in any way - unless you throw it in a fire.....


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> When I saw the thread title, I thought it meant men were now starting to (finally) get a nice piece of jewelry when they get engaged.
> 
> I think that's a great idea. Here's to a new tradition.
> 
> Evinrude: I don't think Rolex watches _can_ get scratched?....can they?


*Oh, I think that my RSXW could have afforded buying me a Rolex, but she'd have just ordered one of those online "fakes" for me ~ greatly like herself!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My confusion comes from why does she have her old wedding ring? That seems really strange to me

So far as the new ring goes if she rather a watch and simple band I would be cool with that. Not all women are into flashy jewelry


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> My confusion comes from why does she have her old wedding ring? That seems really strange to me


I didn't have the impression that she's _wearing_ her old engagement ring and band, but that she_ has _them. I still have my set, so her having hers doesn't strike me odd at all. If she were routinely wearing her old set, though, I agree that _that_ would seem odd.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Rowan said:


> I didn't have the impression that she's _wearing_ her old engagement ring and band, but that she_ has _them. I still have my set, so her having hers doesn't strike me odd at all. If she were routinely wearing her old set, though, I agree that _that_ would seem odd.


Omg I never considered she wore them that would be an automatic deal breaker to me. If she kept the rings without a real good reason, like a family heirloom, that would also be a deal breaker to me. That to me says she isn't over the past.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

notmyrealname4 said:


> When I saw the thread title, I thought it meant men were now starting to (finally) get a nice piece of jewelry when they get engaged.


And to think I saw the thread title and automatically grouped "Engagement Watch" with phrases like "death watch", "suicide watch", "tornado watch" and other vigils against impending disaster...>


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I'm a woman and if I ever re-married, wouldn't want a wedding ring either . I hate jewelry on my hands. I had the big rock and band in my last marriage. For me personally I'm not a cheater so wearing a ring doesn't mean I am available or not available. I just don't wear jewelry. I would prefer we spent it on a fancy honeymoon or the house but that's me. 


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Omg I never considered she wore them that would be an automatic deal breaker to me. * If she kept the rings without a real good reason, like a family heirloom, that would also be a deal breaker to me. That to me says she isn't over the past.*


Interesting! To be honest, it's never occurred to me to give it that much thought. I have no idea if my SO still has his band from his previous marriage. He's never asked if I have my old wedding set either. 

When I divorced, there was some initial thought of selling the rings along with the other jewelry my ex-husband gave me. Then I thought I might have some of the stones reset into things I might actually wear. Then I thought that my son might want some of it, or at least the stones, at some point. But, thinking about it briefly is as far as it ever went. I had other stuff to do, so it all got put into my jewelry chest and largely forgotten about for the last 3 years. I suppose I could have the pieces appraised and sell them, but frankly, the motivation to even bother just hasn't really been there.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I'm not a big fancy jewelry person either.


One thing I appreciate is that my wife and I are both not really into expensive jewelry. She wanted a simple wedding ring and I was also completely satisfied with a simple wedding band. The total price for her engagement ring and wedding ring was a little over $2K. She wouldn't have minded if the total was 1/2 that amount.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A watch is a traditional gift for the groom and pearls a traditional gift for the bride. Since this is their 2nd go around, they can do whatever they want. The watch and silver band sounds like a good idea.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I think I am the only one who has actually heard of a man giving his fiancée a watch instead of a ring to signify their engagement. It is actually very common in my denomination. Most wear no jewelry at all, not even a wedding band. Instead, they opt for a watch... and both the bride and the groom get one. Before anyone asks, I do have a wedding set. Mine is significantly less than $4-6k, though. If I was given either a watch or ring costing that much, I wouldn't wear them. Simple, maybe up to $300 total is plenty for me. Anyway, I agree with those who said to just get the watch, rather than the ring. She did say she'll wear a band after they marry, so I don't see the issue.

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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> I'm odd, yes I am. Quite anti engagement ring due to the "ownership" symbolism of the past. Men don't usually wear one so does that mean they are not "taken" till marriage.
> 
> But my ex gave me a very, very, very exy engagement ring which I adore and keep in the family safe. It is a one off, made for me to my specs. Huge square diamond, platinum and gold, stunning.
> 
> ...


Can you wear your old engagement ring on the right hand? A platinum and diamond ring is no joke. That's serious hardware.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This is kind of what it looks like. Except her's does not have the diamond chips on the outer trim, only on the face. He texted me a pic of it and it isn't quite as ornate as this one.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Can you wear your old engagement ring on the right hand? A platinum and diamond ring is no joke. That's serious hardware.


Both my engagement and wedding band are in storage for now. I currently wear rings on both hands that are my Mums, Grand Ma's and Great Grandma's all deceased.

And yes it is some serious hardware


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Omg I never considered she wore them that would be an automatic deal breaker to me. If she kept the rings without a real good reason, like a family heirloom, that would also be a deal breaker to me. *That to me says she isn't over the past*.


Not necessarily true.

For me, rings are actually the most sentimental item that can be passed down to the next generation. I kept my rings initially to give to my daughters. If I do ever wear the engagement ring again it will have nothing to do with not being over the past and everything to do with simply admiring the beautiful piece of jewellery it is. All of the rings I own will be passed down to my daughters and are to remain in the family.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> My confusion comes from why does she have her old wedding ring? That seems really strange to me





Wolf1974 said:


> Omg I never considered she wore them that would be an automatic deal breaker to me. If she kept the rings without a real good reason, like a family heirloom, that would also be a deal breaker to me. That to me says she isn't over the past.



I am in total agreement with you.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> Not necessarily true.
> 
> For me, rings are actually the most sentimental item that can be passed down to the next generation. I kept my rings initially to give to my daughters. If I do ever wear the engagement ring again it will have nothing to do with not being over the past and everything to do with simply admiring the beautiful piece of jewellery it is. All of the rings I own will be passed down to my daughters and are to remain in the family.


And that's the reason I had it written into the divorce decree that her rings had to be sold so she couldn't give them to our daughters. We opened a savings account for both our girls with the proceeds from the sale of the rings.

But as for keeping them. Just doesn't resonate with me. I can't understand why someone would keep wedding dresses or wedding rings from a marriage that didn't work out. Heirlooms aside of course


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> And that's the reason I *had it written into the divorce decree that her rings had to be sold *so she couldn't give them to our daughters. We opened a savings account for both our girls with the proceeds from the sale of the rings.
> 
> But as for keeping them. Just doesn't resonate with me. I can't understand why someone would keep wedding dresses or wedding rings from a marriage that didn't work out. Heirlooms aside of course


You cannot do this in Aus as rings and other personal items are classed as gifts.

I know you don't understand why someone would keep their rings and that is fine. What is not OK is making an assumption as to why they would keep them, not everyone has bad intentions and I do not pine for my ex.

For me it is very simple, nothing underhanded. I adore the ring itself not the sentiment behind it. It is a beautiful piece of jewellery and it is mine to do with as I wish which includes passing it to one of my daughters.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> You cannot do this in Aus as rings and other personal items are classed as gifts.
> 
> I know you don't understand why someone would keep their rings and that is fine. What is not OK is making an assumption as to why they would keep them, not everyone has bad intentions and I do not pine for my ex.
> 
> For me it is very simple, nothing underhanded. I adore the ring itself not the sentiment behind it. It is a beautiful piece of jewellery and it is mine to do with as I wish which includes passing it to one of my daughters.


Actually for my life it IS perfectly ok to ask and clarify. And if I don't agree with something to move on. I'm sure you have boundarys as well. This would be one of mine


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> Actually for my life it IS perfectly ok to ask and clarify. And if I don't agree with something to move on. I'm sure you have boundarys as well. This would be one of mine


Hi Wolf, I am not disputing or questioning your POV, sorry this was not clear. Yes your boundaries are yours and all power to you, that is a mighty fine thing to own. If my partner said to me that he was keeping his ring because he was still pining for his ex it would be goodbye.

What I mean is that just bc you think keeping the rings (and others that feel this way) is an indication of not being over the ex I am saying this is not automatically true. Hand on my heart I have no desire for my ex, I just adore the ring. Like was said earlier it is a very nice piece of hardware and I'm happy to admit being shallow in this regard.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> Hi Wolf, I am not disputing or questioning your POV, sorry this was not clear. Yes your boundaries are yours and all power to you, that is a mighty fine thing to own. If my partner said to me that he was keeping his ring because he was still pining for his ex it would be goodbye.
> 
> What I mean is that just bc you think keeping the rings (and others that feel this way) is an indication of not being over the ex I am saying this is not automatically true. Hand on my heart I have no desire for my ex, I just adore the ring. Like was said earlier it is a very nice piece of hardware and I'm happy to admit being shallow in this regard.


You do adore the ring I have no doubt. Many women adore thier wedding dress and other jewelry they got from past lovers. My POV is that some things like that hold strong value in tradition and special moments. To me it's as inappropriate to have your wedding ring and wedding dress while married to someone else as it would be to have a huge picture of your wedding to the previous groom in the middle of the living room. To me some things are tied to the previous relationship if they hold a tradional value or symbolic value. Wedding dress and rings would be two for those things. 

I maybe very traditional at heart which is why I feel that way. That is why I didn't want my X wife to give those rings to my daughters. She meant the world to me and those rings meant a lot to me as a symbol of our marriage. My X shat upon all those things when she cheated. Her giving my daughters those rings as a symbol of love is completely disingenuous. That's why I wanted them sold. I never asked for a single thing else from her and I know she still has some of the jewelry I bought her. I also feel the same way about her having my last name but unfortunately I have zero legal recourse to force her to change it. I looked into it though :grin2:


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@MrsHolland 

I think you are a bit more practical than sentimental, maybe?

Which is totally fine. One temperament is not better or worse than the other.

I think with your situation though, you are keeping the rings to give to your daughter. That makes sense to me. As in keeping them securely locked away. Then on her (example) 21st birthday, giving them to her.

Whatever happened between you and her father; he's still her father. So, having the rings could have special significance for her. "My folks split up; but they loved each other for a while; and I came from that love". I can understand that having significance for a child of a divorced marriage.

I can't relate to a re-married woman (or man, as the case may be), keeping old wedding rings; then wearing them as jewelry on the other hand; or getting it reset as a pendant, or whatever.

I (as the new spouse) would be really hurt and upset by that. Those precious stones and rare metals were a symbol of your love and desire for your ex.

It would be beyond weird to see him/her wearing them casually; as if they didn't ever have that special meaning.


But, if you merely see them as beautiful objects, to be worn and enjoyed, until you pass them on to your girl---then that's fine for you; as long as Mr.Holland was okay with it too, right?


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> @MrsHolland
> 
> I think you are a bit more practical than sentimental, maybe?
> 
> ...


Correct, I am not a sentimental person 

As for the bolded, I'm really not sure now. It is just a thought but I would not do it if MrH was against it. Actually after reading here I can see that rings/watches or whatever the piece is means a lot to the men involved. My concern would be that MrH would say it was OK just to make me happy but in his heart not be happy about it.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I like the watch idea, because I like nice watches.

As for the ring issue, DH got me my wedding ring which I wore while engaged, up until such time as we had an engagement ring made that we both liked. 

I don't see why he couldn't buy her the wedding ring and she wear it during the engagement as well.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

MrsHolland said:


> I miss wearing the ring far more than I miss the ex. For now MrH and I wear symbolic rings as we are defacto but when we do marry I want to wear my old engagement ring. One day I will have the nerve to ask MrH what he thinks of this.


I asked DH what he would think of this if he were the guy in that situation. That got a little more of a reaction than I expected, lol. "Holy F*&k NO" was pretty much the gist of it.

I can see why you haven't brought it up yet!


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Haven't read the whole thread yet - 

I feel that if she wants a particular watch that is within budget, she should get it. If she's not a ring person, then she just isn't. If I told someone what I wanted for getting engaged (again within reason) and he ignored it I'd feel like my feelings didn't matter and he got me what HE wanted. 

If she wants a simple band, then do that. You guys can always add a diamond ring to it later on if you want. 

I think a thin plain band and a diamond band together would be nice. The solitaire wouldn't stick up off her finger and the diamond band would sit pretty flush with the plain band. Hope this makes sense.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I don't know the details.
> 
> She grew up a ranch girl, she's a horsewoman, works outside with her hands a lot. The engagement ring she had from her ex-hubby hardly got worn either. She's still an attractive lady in a tomboyish, weathered kind of way. She used to be a bombshell in her youth, but spending twenty something years as a mom and training horses and doing outdoor work have taken their toll. A diamond ring on her rough hands would be almost superfluous.
> 
> ...


This whole situation just strikes me as weird. Try to marry virtually any other woman and she would want a whopping diamond on her hand. I have heard of using other stones like an emerald for an engagement ring but that's really rare. With that in mind I'm not sure how to approach it other than asking why.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> This whole situation just strikes me as weird. Try to marry virtually any other woman and she would want a whopping diamond on her hand. I have heard of using other stones like an emerald for an engagement ring but that's really rare. With that in mind I'm not sure how to approach it other than asking why.


Thing is, I don't care why. She's his fiancee, not mine. I just though this was an interesting topic and wondered what the women here thought of it. 

Anyways, he gave her the watch last night and she about died.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> This is kind of what it looks like. Except her's does not have the diamond chips on the outer trim, only on the face. He texted me a pic of it and it isn't quite as ornate as this one.



If she wants the watch and he is willing to buy it, I think it is a great idea. I wear a watch all the time, I even sleep in it. I don't wear my rings all the time because of comfort. 

That is a really classic Omega watch design that has been around "forever". I have the older style of that exact watch given to me as a gift from my Ex 20+ years ago. My BIL is a watch dealer so I have a pretty nice collection of watches. For the past several years larger watches have been the trend for women. My daily watch is a Rolex Daytona that I gifted my Ex and he never wore, I wear it 24/7.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

kristin2349 said:


> If she wants the watch and he is willing to buy it, I think it is a great idea. I wear a watch all the time, I even sleep in it. I don't wear my rings all the time because of comfort.
> 
> That is a really classic Omega watch design that has been around "forever". I have the older style of that exact watch given to me as a gift from my Ex 20+ years ago. My BIL is a watch dealer so I have a pretty nice collection of watches. For the past several years larger watches have been the trend for women. My daily watch is a Rolex Daytona that I gifted my Ex and he never wore, I wear it 24/7.


I have a Longines aviator watch but my next goal is an Omega NASA Speedmaster.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Yes said:


> I think a thin plain band and a diamond band together would be nice. *The solitaire wouldn't stick up off her finger* and the diamond band would sit pretty flush with the plain band. Hope this makes sense.














Do you mean this, a "channel set" diamond ring?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I have a Longines aviator watch but my next goal is an Omega NASA Speedmaster.


Great choice, my father wore one. I highly recommend Govberg Jewelers, they sell well under retail & they will ship (which saves you sales tax). Your cousin might want to give them a shot.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> This whole situation just strikes me as weird. Try to marry virtually any other woman and she would want a whopping diamond on her hand. *I have heard of using other stones like an emerald for an engagement ring but that's really rare. * With that in mind I'm not sure how to approach it other than asking why.




I have a solitaire ring; and it's not a diamond.

Because I don't like diamonds; too sparkly and flashy---they don't suit me at all.

It *is* unusual; people have thought I wasn't married, and so forth.

But a wedding ring should be what you like. And I don't like diamonds.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> This whole situation just strikes me as weird. Try to marry virtually any other woman and she would want a whopping diamond on her hand. I have heard of using other stones like an emerald for an engagement ring but that's really rare. With that in mind I'm not sure how to approach it other than asking why.


We're talking about a couple who have been around the block. This isn't all shiny and new to them. They've had time to ponder the meaning behind the traditions and not everyone comes out the other side of going through those traditions feeling like they still have meaning.

I look at my ring and see that DH and I got a diamond because of tradition. Not my favourite rock by any stretch. I adore opals. I didn't even think of that as an option.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Do you mean this, a "channel set" diamond ring?



Yes - the diamonds would sit flush with the band.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Okay, I am like the lady in this thread--I have been around the block and would not want a big old solitaire for an engagement ring. I mean, they stick up, twirl around, get in the way, it's a mess! If you're going to invest that kind of money, I'd much rather have the gorgeous watch that I could look at every day and think "Wow he loves me this much to buy me this amazing watch!" 

That being said, I do see he bought her the watch (good for him)! If he really wants to get her a ring, I recommend that he just tell her how he feels (Honey, I'd still like to get you some sort of ring--it's like a chivalry thing!). Also, he might look at something like this: 









They could pick a metal together (gold maybe to match the watch) but it's not a huge, clunky stone that gets in the way. Instead it's a statement (I'm engaged) and it's still functional and not obtrusive. Plus you can see how easily the wedding band would fit with this!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

There are two reasons why diamonds are popular for wedding rings: 1. durability - much more durable than any other stone (soft stones like opal wouldn't last a week as a regular wedding ring) 2. sparkle - only if it is a good stone with a good cut. You can get sparkle from other stones but they won't have the durability of a diamond. As they like to say "diamonds are forever" (but they can be chipped).

Of course, having a great watch that will be kept in a safe most of the time is pretty useless, too.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

karole said:


> What about getting her a different type of stone something other than a diamond. Something different - perhaps an antique ring with a colored stone such as an emerald, ruby or a sapphire. My daughter's engagement ring is a huge sapphire and it is absolutely beautiful!


That's what I got my wife for her engagement ring, as well. Diamonds are boring, IMO, everybody has one  She wasn't overly thrilled, but when I told her that I didn't want to buy her something that everybody else has, because she's not like everybody else, she totally dug that.

(she got diamonds in her wedding band...!)


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

breeze said:


> I look at my ring and see that DH and I got a diamond because of tradition. Not my favourite rock by any stretch*. I adore opals. I didn't even think of that as an option.*





Blondilocks said:


> There are two reasons why diamonds are popular for wedding rings: 1. durability - much more durable than any other stone* (soft stones like opal wouldn't last a week as a regular wedding ring*)



Opals are temperamental. As stated here^^^ they crack very easily. On Moh's scale of hardness; diamond being 10 and talc being 1---opals are 5.5 - 6.5.

They also are susceptible to drying out. I'm not sure how that works, but it's just another way that they aren't the "hardiest" of stones.

And the weird superstitions about them. Like, you're not supposed to wear them unless you were born in October; otherwise they will bring you bad luck.

And creepier things like when someone who wear an opal all the time dies; it turns black on their finger. But that might tie into the moisture thing I mentioned above.

Amazingly beautiful though. Probably better as a pendant or earrings, @breeze, so that they don't get bashed and smashed against things.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

breeze said:


> We're talking about a couple who have been around the block. This isn't all shiny and new to them. They've had time to ponder the meaning behind the traditions and not everyone comes out the other side of going through those traditions feeling like they still have meaning.
> 
> I look at my ring and see that DH and I got a diamond because of tradition. Not my favourite rock by any stretch. I adore opals. I didn't even think of that as an option.


I love opals too. In SE Arizona where I live there is an opal mine that puts out these really rare pink opals that have amazing fire in them. I'd love to have a custom ring made for any future lady I may have with a big opal in it. 

But I think women look at opals as old fashioned.

And if I am not mistaken, there is a chemical process you can put opals through to stabilize them so they do not deteriorate.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

For opals, you can soak them in distilled water every few months to keep them hydrated. Never put oil on them. Opal is my birthstone and I have several. Ethiopian opals are really beautiful and they surpass most of the Australian opals that Americans have access to. My mom brought me earrings from Australia with star fire opals and they are really gorgeous.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I really wish cubic zirconia had not been marked as "fake" diamond. Its a very beautiful gem in its own right - more fire (dispersion) than diamond. A number of synthetic stones are really nice. If the point is beauty, not a demonstration of wealth they can be fantastic. I got my wife a beautiful Alexanderite pendant some time ago - again synthetic, but better quality than any natural gem. (yes, she knows what jewelry I get her is natural and what is synthetic).

I mention this because I've always been disturbed by the idea engagement rings as things of monetary value, as opposed to things of beauty. The "look what my husband paid for me" is not an image that I like.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I hate jewelry of all kinds. I did accept a small engagement ring and wedding band but I have always hated wearing it. It keeps twirling on my finger, it catches on things, it gets filthy it's just not my thing. I'm not one to rock the boat though so I wear it. 

If for some odd reason I married a second time there would be no jewelry for me. Stop worrying about what other people are doing, what people always do and just be yourself.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

I don't like rings and won't wear one. IMHO, they're a pain and get in the way of everything. Good thing for me, my husband feels no need to mark his territory. LOL. 

He doesn't wear an engagement ring or wedding band either.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

breeze said:


> We're talking about a couple who have been around the block. This isn't all shiny and new to them. They've had time to ponder the meaning behind the traditions and not everyone comes out the other side of going through those traditions feeling like they still have meaning.
> 
> I look at my ring and see that DH and I got a diamond because of tradition. Not my favourite rock by any stretch. I adore opals. I didn't even think of that as an option.


It helps to hear that perspective. From where I look at this my wife is really into traditions and if you don't follow them to the tee, you will be sorry that you didn't. This seems to be a more reasonable approach. If the bride doesn't want a diamond, it should be her prerogative to ask for something else.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

uhtred said:


> I really wish cubic zirconia had not been marked as "fake" diamond. Its a very beautiful gem in its own right - more fire (dispersion) than diamond. A number of synthetic stones are really nice. If the point is beauty, not a demonstration of wealth they can be fantastic. I got my wife a beautiful Alexanderite pendant some time ago - again synthetic, but better quality than any natural gem. (yes, she knows what jewelry I get her is natural and what is synthetic).
> 
> I mention this because I've always been disturbed by the idea engagement rings as things of monetary value, as opposed to things of beauty. The "look what my husband paid for me" is not an image that I like.



Synthetic gems are great for costume jewelry. A really great idea.


There's something wondrous about natural stones though. The fact that they form from the Earth itself; the amount of time involved. It's marvelous.

I have a small piece of meteorite. I get a thrill from just holding it and thinking about where it's been.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My bestie never wanted an engagement ring...she's not a jewellry person. It was first and only marriage for both her and her husband (they've been together over 30 years!!). He really wanted her to have a diamond ring, so they compromised and she got a gold band with diamonds set into the gold.

I love my engagement ring...beautiful solitaire diamond and I absolutely cherish it, and the meaning behind it. My wedding ring is a plain gold band, which is what I wanted. 

If she wants the watch but he wants her to get the ring, I'm with those who say compromise...get her the watch, and a plain silver band to wear.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It works both ways for me. Meteorite are really cool - the came from SPACE, they are billions of years old. OTOH, there is also something awesome about our being able to make rubies that are better anything a king could have owned a hundred years ago. 

Its sad that De Beers won't let anyone manufacture clear diamonds. Diamond is such a fantastic material - hard, strong, high thermal conductivity, high optical transmission etc. Its possible to make quite large synthetic diamonds, but DeBeers will stop you (really). 




notmyrealname4 said:


> Synthetic gems are great for costume jewelry. A really great idea.
> 
> 
> There's something wondrous about natural stones though. The fact that they form from the Earth itself; the amount of time involved. It's marvelous.
> ...


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

uhtred said:


> Its possible to make quite large synthetic diamonds, but DeBeers will stop you (really).


Yeah, I remember hearing a lot of strange stuff about DeBeers.

Among them, is that DeBeers has created artificial scarcity.

Not that natural diamonds are "common"; they are a very small part of the earth's crust.

But they are far more abundant than DeBeers would have us think. They have marketed the diamond as rare and difficult to obtain.

They are supposed to have vaults teeming with diamonds, that they hold off the market.

And DeBeers attempted to suppress diamond mining in Arkansas.

There are probably enough diamonds for every person on earth who wanted them; to own a necklace, bracelet, several rings and earrings.

But that would bring the price down dramatically.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

At my lab, we were in discussions with the technical division of DeBeers. They could give us very large clear synthetic diamonds as long as we guaranteed to return them - damaged or not. They just had to be sure that the synthetic material would not make it into the gem market. 

Most industrial / technical diamonds are doped with nitrogen to make them an ugly yellow. They could easily be clear. 

I don't know how DeBeers enforces this, but there are ugly rumors. We started working with a Russian supplier of synthetic diamonds some years back. The company simply vanished. 




notmyrealname4 said:


> Yeah, I remember hearing a lot of strange stuff about DeBeers.
> 
> Among them, is that DeBeers has created artificial scarcity.
> 
> ...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Synthetic gems are great for costume jewelry. A really great idea.
> 
> 
> There's something wondrous about natural stones though. The fact that they form from the Earth itself; the amount of time involved. It's marvelous.
> ...


Check out moldavite. It is supposed to have formed from a meteorite landing in the Moldar valley of Czechoslovakia. It's an olive green in the smaller sizes and gets much darker (almost black) in larger sizes. It has great energy. It is a fun stone to wear.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Synthetic gems are great for costume jewelry. A really great idea.
> 
> 
> There's something wondrous about natural stones though. The fact that they form from the Earth itself; the amount of time involved. It's marvelous.
> ...


See that is cool. I like unique gems like Tourmaline, Opals, Sapphires....

Diamonds are boring IMO. They are also fraudulently overpriced, because there are many more diamonds in the world than the gem market suppliers would have us believe. 

10 Gemstones Much Rarer Than Diamond*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Yeah, I remember hearing a lot of strange stuff about DeBeers.
> 
> Among them, is that DeBeers has created artificial scarcity.
> 
> ...



Thoughty2 talked about the way diamond industry has been pulling a scam on the world market for the last 130 years. Watch this (it is #2). 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-TFz6teM3M


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Thoughty2 talked about the way diamond industry has been pulling a scam on the world market for the last 130 years. Watch this (it is #2).
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-TFz6teM3M



"Diamonds are actually worthless", lol.

DeBeers is kind of like an organized crime organization.


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