# Some advice please?



## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

So I've had this problem since I started having sex. My issue is I can never get worked up, I enjoy sex I really do, but nothing seems to get me going. That doesn't mean we don't still have sex, we do because I enjoy it, but I'd like to experience that overwhelming NEED to have sex, if that makes sense.

Beyond that I've had orgasms as I can feel the muscles tighten and release "down there" but I never really got any spectacular feeling from it like everyone says you're supposed to get. TMI I know but looking for advice. Maybe it's all related? I don't know.

So my problem is I really enjoy sex with the hubby but I'd like to actually be able to get in the mood, ya know?

Thoughts?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Is it passion yr talking of ? Ms Helen their are ways to rekindle passion like developing intimacy 
Or closeness think back to when yall first started dating what things did yall do remember how you couldn't keep your hands off each other do those things start with spending a minimum of 10 hours a week with no kids and no watching tv go for walks hikes whatever feed the ducks talk etc my experience is that it will come back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> Is it passion yr talking of ? Ms Helen their are ways to rekindle passion like developing intimacy
> Or closeness think back to when yall first started dating what things did yall do remember how you couldn't keep your hands off each other do those things start with spending a minimum of 10 hours a week with no kids and no watching tv go for walks hikes whatever feed the ducks talk etc my experience is that it will come back
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't really know if it's passion, I've always been attracted to him but even when we first got together nothing really got me worked up. It hasn't been specific to any one person, its' been this way with every person I've slept with. 

It's not that it needs to come back, I've never had it. I've always really enjoyed sex so I've always been a willing participant (well not always but that's a thread for a different topic), just nothing makes me horny. For lack of a better word.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> So I've had this problem since I started having sex. My issue is I can never get worked up, I enjoy sex I really do, but nothing seems to get me going. That doesn't mean we don't still have sex, we do because I enjoy it, but I'd like to experience that overwhelming NEED to have sex, if that makes sense.
> 
> Beyond that I've had orgasms as I can feel the muscles tighten and release "down there" but I never really got any spectacular feeling from it like everyone says you're supposed to get. TMI I know but looking for advice. Maybe it's all related? I don't know.
> 
> ...


Are you certain you have had an orgasm because it is far more than just tighening of muscles it is spasms and explosions through your entire body... that feeling alone makes you want it again! I don't think based on your description that you have ever had a real orgasm.... just my humble opinion. Also, passion and desire get a woman worked up, feeling good about sex, enjoying it as you say, what do you enjoy, you didn't mention pleasure, which is a major tip off to me that you have not had a full orgasm.... I would experiment with some masturbation to see what turns you on and what doesn't and guide your husband to do those things.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Are you certain you have had an orgasm because it is far more than just tighening of muscles it is spasms and explosions through your entire body... that feeling alone makes you want it again! I don't think based on your description that you have ever had a real orgasm.... just my humble opinion. Also, passion and desire get a woman worked up, feeling good about sex, enjoying it as you say, what do you enjoy, you didn't mention pleasure, which is a major tip off to me that you have not had a full orgasm.... I would experiment with some masturbation to see what turns you on and what doesn't and guide your husband to do those things.


I've done the whole explore with masturbation thing. I do feel pleasure from sex and masturbation which is why I enjoy it so much, I just can't seem to get horny before hand, it doesn't make any sense to me so I don't know if I'm making any sense here.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> I've done the whole explore with masturbation thing. I do feel pleasure from sex and masturbation which is why I enjoy it so much, I just can't seem to get horny before hand, it doesn't make any sense to me so I don't know if I'm making any sense here.


Maybe you are the type of person who needs physical stimulation to get horny? But again I ask are you sure you have had an orgasm, a full one?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> I've done the whole explore with masturbation thing. I do feel pleasure from sex and masturbation which is why I enjoy it so much, I just can't seem to get horny before hand, it doesn't make any sense to me so I don't know if I'm making any sense here.












Porn?

Maybe start with something that makes you feel exciting and sexy?


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Maybe you are the type of person who needs physical stimulation to get horny? But again I ask are you sure you have had an orgasm, a full one?


I don't know, maybe, sometimes physical stimulation doesn't really do it either. Guess I've just got some messed up wires or something.
I'm pretty sure I have, besides the muscle spasms and such (which I've felt in other parts of my body as well), I do usually feel a good bit more relaxed but I don't really experience that flood of "OMG this feels GREAT" feelings that women talk about.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> Porn?
> 
> Maybe start with something that makes you feel exciting and sexy?


Tried porn, got nothing, both videos and reading.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> I don't know, maybe, sometimes physical stimulation doesn't really do it either. Guess I've just got some messed up wires or something.
> I'm pretty sure I have, besides the muscle spasms and such (which I've felt in other parts of my body as well), I do usually feel a good bit more relaxed but I don't really experience that flood of "OMG this feels GREAT" feelings that women talk about.


Then you have not had an orgasm... there is an unfortunately high percentage of women who have not.... work on figuring out how to have one... read books, read on the internet etc. This is what you are lacking, once you figure this out, you will be fine


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Then you have not had an orgasm... there is an unfortunately high percentage of women who have not.... work on figuring out how to have one... read books, read on the internet etc. This is what you are lacking, once you figure this out, you will be fine


Well that's depressing. I think I get to the point and then for some reason it just doesn't happen. I'll work on it and see what happens. Thanks for the info and advice.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

You are probably getting very close since you are experience pleasure but an orgasm is like fireworks thru your whole body.... it's intense.. and words cannot describe it really.... it's worth working towards, not depressing, you found your problem  At least now you know and there is nothing wrong with you, lots of women have not had one because a woman has to conciously work towards it and learn her body because each woman works differently, just read the dos and donts of cunninglus thread and you will see what i mean  GOOD LUCK! You'll get there, be patient with yourself and DO NOT GIVE UP!


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I think of an orgasm as climbing a hill, nearly there, nearly there, THERE...
For me it takes focus, if I have other things on my mind or get distracted, it just won't happen.
I also never used to feel 'horny' until we actually started the act. Now however, my hormones are insane, I can't gt enough. Just wait 'til you hit middle age..


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

How old are you? Are you on birth control or any other medications?

Have you ever spoken to your gyn about your lack of desire?

I ask because I felt the same way when on birth control.

There are two types of desire generally speaking - spontaneous (feeling horny without stimulation and seeking out sex), and responsive (enjoying sex once it gets started ).

It is not unusual for women to have a more responsive desire. I did not ever feel spontaneous desire until after my kids were born and I stopped taking BC, then it is like my hormones suddenly woke up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

kag123 said:


> How old are you? Are you on birth control or any other medications?
> 
> Have you ever spoken to your gyn about your lack of desire?
> 
> ...


Not on birth control of any kind as I got fixed a few years ago. I'm 26.I guess i would fall in responsive.

I just really want a way to hit spontaneous so I can initiate a little more often.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> I just really want a way to hit spontaneous so I can initiate a little more often.


The only think I can suggest until you find the spontaneous desire is to make a conscious effort to initiate. Just do it, even if you are not totally feeling it right then. Once you have done this a couple of times, you won't feel so akward doing so.


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