# Opinions? Husband cheating?



## flowerpower1212 (Jul 15, 2020)

Kinda long but I'll try to sum it up:

My husband(47M) and I (30F) married 1 year together for 3, just had our first and only child together, he has 3 older children and I have one son(8y) who lives with us. Our relationship started off with a bang, completely head over heels and best friends for the first 2 years. Great relationship, hes always been super sweet and caring, just an all around great guy to be with. No complaints. Until last fall, when our sex life started to decline. He stopped talking about sex, which he always did often(sexting), he stopped initiating as much and eventually by January of this year it was completely non existent. I got pregnant in December surprisingly, we had sex 3 times that month. In May, I was looking for something in his truck that I'd left after a lake trip, and found a box of cream....for genital warts. Wtf. I freaked out of course but calmly approached him 2 nights later and he got angry and yelled and swears he didn't cheat of course and that we must've gave it to each other 2.5 years ago and its just now showing itself and that it was just a mild case and yes it was mild thank goodness...technically from what i researched thats possible but idk what to believe. What hurt me the most was that i was pregnant and he was having sex with me (not often) without telling me about this! (Huge 'here's your sign award', I know) thankfully I never got them which makes me wonder if we really did already have HPV in our bodies and it just now showed up in him. Anyway, throughout my pregnancy we had sex maybe 4 or 5 times warts were treated and gone, still no sex, he said he was scared of hurting the baby, but assured me once I was cleared to have sex again after birth, he would be all up for it. I felt in my heart that was a lie and I was right, I delivered via c-section in August and had my tubes tied. A few weeks later after being cleared by the doc, I told him we could start having sex again..We've had sex once within the last few weeks and he didn't even seem into it. Now mind you our sex life used to be on fire..it was amazing and wild and everything we both wanted it to be and more..he felt the same. So of course when I found the cream months back I snooped through his phone for the very first time and i have done it a few times also since then..and here's what I've found: porn at least once a week, which doesn't bother me and we have watched it together even but now he swears he does not watch porn when I've asked him why he doesn't want sex anymore..lie. A few months back I also found screenshots of this girl posing half naked on a fb story on his timeline. Just screenshots of her boobs but last weekend I snooped again and found her in his "recent searches" of his messenger app, and I found alot of selfies he'd recently taken of himself smiling and doing goofy faces which he has NOT sent me..and he's not the type to take selfies on his own. He barely talks to me at all really and BTW he works out of town during the week staying with his mom(just started new job) and comes home on Thursday nights.. And also I found a picture of him standing in front of a gas station clerk window, as if the clerk herself took the photo of him..weird. I've checked phone bill which doesn't show texts sent, only phone call numbers but nothing fishy there, but I know there's a ton of ways to get around that. And just to be clear, I have not let my self go and consider my self pretty with a great body even with 2 kids...im 5'5, 130 lbs, even after second baby. He has gained about 40 lbs since we met but doesn't bother me at all. I just want my husband back. Do you think it was just the honey moon phase and this is just how he is or should I do a little more in depth snooping and see what I find? Honestly I'm kinda scared of what I might find. Like I said other than the sex we have a great relationship, I feel nauseas thinking that he could be betraying me.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Your husband is flat out lying about the genital warts and you know it. No more sex with this man. Nada. If he actually had warts pop up he would be rushing to tell you so that YOU could be treated as well, especially being pregnant. He wouldn't have his the cream in his car! And storing meds in a car (not room temperature) is a bad idea. He was hiding the cream for a reason... he stuck his **** were it didn't belong. A nasty one at that. 

He could have given you the gift of a baby, and an STD and/or cancer. How generous!



Jess91112 said:


> Like I said other than the sex we have a great relationship


Do you though? It's not just the lack of sex. What about the lying? Searching other women on FB? Having tit pics of said woman? ****ing other women? 

Yes, he's cheating on you and you need to decide what you're going to do.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You mentioned that you haven't let yourself go... Even if you had, this isn't your fault. This is entirely on your husband.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Your age difference is pretty big at 47 and 30. And he has older children, etc. Likely other relationships. Is his pattern to be in a marriage or relationship for 1-3 years and then moves on? He might be cheating or he might be a serial monogamist who had his fun and now is bored. 

From what you are saying, it sounds like you were the young, new model for him to ride for awhile, and now the romance/hot sex has faded for him, while you were thinking you were in for a long term marriage. 

Now he's looking at porn and more young ladies online because that's his thing - he always needs the new shiny girl to play with or at least fantasize about.

Cheating or not, he's clearly lost interest in you sexually, and that's a damn shame.

Sorry you are in this situation.


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## flowerpower1212 (Jul 15, 2020)

bobert said:


> Your husband is flat out lying about the genital warts and you know it. No more sex with this man. Nada. If he actually had warts pop up he would be rushing to tell you so that YOU could be treated as well, especially being pregnant. He wouldn't have his the cream in his car! And storing meds in a car (not room temperature) is a bad idea. He was hiding the cream for a reason... he stuck his **** were it didn't belong. A nasty one at that.
> 
> He could have given you the gift of a baby, and an STD and/or cancer. How generous!
> 
> ...


Unfortunately I know you're right. I needed to hear that. Thank you. Luckily the house is in my name/on family land lol. Im going to put a spy app on his phone this weekend so I can screenshot everything bc I know he's got to be deleting and hiding everything before he comes home on the weekends. This really sucks. I think I've just been to scared of what I know I'm going to find.


Gabriel said:


> Your age difference is pretty big at 47 and 30. And he has older children, etc. Likely other relationships. Is his pattern to be in a marriage or relationship for 1-3 years and then moves on? He might be cheating or he might be a serial monogamist who had his fun and now is bored.
> 
> From what you are saying, it sounds like you were the young, new model for him to ride for awhile, and now the romance/hot sex has faded for him, while you were thinking you were in for a long term marriage.
> 
> ...


Thank you..yes unfortunately his prior relationships have only lasted a couple years here and there..never anything long term except years ago when he was married to his kids mother but thats it. And that's exactly how I feel, like a toy tossed away after the newness wore off. But yet he wouldn't want me with anyone else..he even gets mad if I mention using my vibrator bc of the lack of sex. Thanks for your input.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The one thing that struck me was that if the warts were all innocent why didn't he tell and why hide the cream in the car? Some here recommend putting a voice-activated recorder in the car, say under the passenger seat.


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## flowerpower1212 (Jul 15, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> The one thing that struck me was that if the warts were all innocent why didn't he tell and why hide the cream in the car? Some here recommend putting a voice-activated recorder in the car, say under the passenger seat.


Thats a great idea. And yeah I know..thats what I asked him, why hide it? His response was that it wasn't hidden. -_-


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jess91112 said:


> Thats a great idea. And yeah I know..thats what I asked him, why hide it? His response was that it wasn't hidden. -_-


Yes it was hidden, he didnt mention it, and since when do we keep medications in the car?. To be honest, he knows that its passed on through sex, so why didnt he accuse you of cheating yourself if he hasnt. The fact that he has had sex with you while having this is just plain wrong. Sadly it does look as if he is cheating. Otherwise why keep it a secret at all.


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## flowerpower1212 (Jul 15, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Yes it was hidden, he didnt mention it, and since when do we keep medications in the car?. To be honest, he knows that its passed on through sex, so why didnt he accuse you of cheating yourself if he hasnt. The fact that he has had sex with you while having this is just plain wrong. Sadly it does look as if he is cheating. Otherwise why keep it a secret at all.


Yes, in my heart I know you are right. I wish he would just tell me the truth. I hate being lied to most of all. Not that it would change anything though.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jess91112 said:


> Unfortunately I know you're right. I needed to hear that. Thank you. Luckily the house is in my name/on family land lol. Im going to put a spy app on his phone this weekend so I can screenshot everything bc I know he's got to be deleting and hiding everything before he comes home on the weekends. This really sucks. I think I've just been to scared of what I know I'm going to find.
> Thank you..yes unfortunately his prior relationships have only lasted a couple years here and there..never anything long term except years ago when he was married to his kids mother but thats it. And that's exactly how I feel, like a toy tossed away after the newness wore off. But yet he wouldn't want me with anyone else..he even gets mad if I mention using my vibrator bc of the lack of sex. Thanks for your input.


Act calm and loving, do not let him know you suspect him otherwise he will take it underground.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jess91112 said:


> Yes, in my heart I know you are right. I wish he would just tell me the truth. I hate being lied to most of all. Not that it would change anything though.


Don’t expect truth, cheaters lie, trickle truth etc. Go into stealth mode to dig up info, don’t let him know


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

How did his first marriage end? Well I guess the question is how did he tell you it ended?

He sounds like garbage to be honest...a wannabe playboy. Makes me wonder why he married and had more kids.

You’re in the driver’s seat here. If he doesn’t want to be 100% honest with you and make whatever changes you want, kick him to the curb and let him go broke paying child support to two women.

A 47 year man is lucky to be with a 30 year old woman..not the other way around.


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## flowerpower1212 (Jul 15, 2020)

aine said:


> Don’t expect truth, cheaters lie, trickle truth etc. Go into stealth mode to dig up info, don’t let him know


Definitely! I'm not going to let on that I suspect anything.


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## flowerpower1212 (Jul 15, 2020)

Dadto2 said:


> How did his first marriage end? Well I guess the question is how did he tell you it ended?
> 
> He sounds like garbage to be honest...a wannabe playboy. Makes me wonder why he married and had more kids.
> 
> ...


He told me she was a one night stand that got pregnant then married her to do the right thing but that they never really were in love yet he continued to have 2 more children with her over the span of 9 years.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Mouth closed, eyes open. Definitely some red flags, but if you continue to bring it up, he's going to just get sneakier. Do not act like you think anything is wrong. Do not confront until you have concrete evidence. Be creative in your looking.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

As everyone else has already said, the excuse for the wart cream in his car was a total lie. He is completely reckless not telling you, especially since you were pregnant at the time. Additionally, if he truly thought you both had it from 2.5 years ago, why would he not tell you this flared up? Or again, accused you of cheating. 

Personal side note - I had a false positive for an STI during my engagement. I absolutely lost my ****, and my fiance (now husband) tried to take us both to a minor emergency clinic to get retested. Multiple tests were negative, he got to live to see another day. THAT is the response you should get - not this weird defensive stuff. It is your right to know things that could also affect your health. 

The fact is he probably did step out. Its so easy to hide text/calls these days through all of the weird apps. Let us know what you find though! Finger's crossed he is just too deep in the porn...which would also suck.


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