# So essentially cut off all contact?



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Sorry if this is a repetitive topic. For the spouse who has been left and did not want the divorce it is best to just cut off all ties right? He was adamant about wanting to remain friends and I agreed. But since he left in September he's only contacted me over finances and minor details about our divorce, yadda yadda yadda...

Ok well I deleted him out of my phone and deleted and blocked him on Facebook and stopped reaching out to bim last week. Stopping cold turkey like that and just letting it go is the right thing to do, correct? Is this the. 180 you guys are talking about? I hope this will help with my healing...I still miss him but so far so good and I don't think about him as much or get emotional...


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

The "let's be friends" thing is pretty much a sugar coated rejection, so I wouldn't expect much there. Possible to be friends, but I think in most cases people move their separate ways. If he hasn't treated you like a friend and hasn't reached out to you, his actions speak volumes about his friendship intentions. 

The 180 is just doing the opposite of your normal interactions with this person. You will hear the 180 is about you, and it really is. It is commonplace in marriages and other LTRs that people give up a bit of themselves in order to make the relationship work. There's give and take. Some people go to far and give up their complete identities for their relationships - men and women both do this. Some folks get plain co-dependent (the ultimate in lost identity). The 180 offers you a chance to "detach" from this person in order to meet your own needs and stop relying on the relationship partner to do it for you. What happens in parallel is that sometimes the pressure is off the other person and they may come around because they have the freedom to do so and maybe the intrigue of the relationship is back.

My suggestion if you are going to use a 180 approach is to do it for yourself. Meet your own needs, make yourself happy, and let go of controlling outcomes (including this relationship).

HL


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Well...I guess that's the end of that. Now that our final hearing is approaching in a little more than a week, old feelings are coming back. I just want to send him an angry text thanking him for lying and cheating and wasting my time.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Hmm it's so hard to avoid temptation to text him to see how he's doing. I wish I didn't care.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

feel the urge. Feel the feeling of wanting to do that. Then let it go. 

Do something else instead - for you.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

type a text here...send it here...post it here...email here...on your thread...let it all out...
but 'do not' contact him...your either doing the 180 or your not...if you text him your regressing on all the things your trying to accomplish for yourself 'and' you could be setting yourself up for a response from him you won't like...and/or none...
This is about 'you'...the 180 helps you heal and move on...it's hard yes...but soooo worth it. Again, your either doing the 180 or your not...there's no middle ground dippin...if you have gone this long without contacting him...keep going girl...seriously... post your vent's here...'don't contact him'... leave him alone...also what more can you say that you haven't already said? What more can he possibly know? He wants 'out'...then....keep him 'out'.... done... 

You need to trust us on this...'if' he came around he has to do it 'on his own'...he needn't hear from 'you'... so......


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

He texted me and wished me a happy Thanksgiving today and I responded and ended it there and deleted the thread. If he reaches out to me would it be counterproductive then too and just ignore him? Or should I respond but not encourage a long, drawn out conversation? 

Thanks again.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

I'd say don't respond. Let your actions show him that he's falling off your ladder of priority.


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