# My wife quit her job with discussing it and thinks it's fine



## Enonamus (Dec 30, 2013)

I lost my job earlier this year and have had trouble finding work. I am currently collecting unemployment. Since the layoff my wife has been the sole income earner and source of health insurance. Years ago this situation was reversed and I was working while she was out of work.

She tells me the other day that she gave her two weeks notice, but does not have another one lined up. She had a couple interviews before the holidays, but has not heard back. After the two weeks the only income will be my unemployment checks which will barely cover the mortgage. We will also lose our health insurance.

She thinks this action is perfectly fine and is accusing me of overreacting and not 'going with the flow'.

Aside from this our relationship has been lacking emotionally and physically. If we divorced I have family I could live with and my unemployment would cover my insurance while I look for work. The problem would be selling our condo.

Is it time to pull the plug? Am I overreacting. This seems like a big deal to me.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wow, that was a bad move. I hope you are not part of the millions of unemployed that have lost or will lose the unemployment extensions this year. 

Had she mentioned that this is something she was going to do? Did she have a valid reason? Is this something she does, make life alternating choices on her own?


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## Enonamus (Dec 30, 2013)

She mentioned that she was unhappy there and wanted to work elsewhere. I said that was fine, just find another job first. She's had about three jobs in the past few years, although the last job she quit to start this one. She always seems to have problems with the business structure and becomes unhappy though, no matter where she goes.

This is probably the biggest decision she has made without talking to me first.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Why on earth would she do that? How does she plan to pay the bills? Is she always irresponsible?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Wow, her decision is very immature and disrespects you and your marriage. 

With your OP ARE you thinking of divorce? Are there other issues in the marriage that have led you to think of divorce?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

IfI had to speculate I'd say she got tired of working a job she hated while you didn't work. Not that it's your fault, just speculating. Perhaps she felt you weren't doing enough to find another job? Have you picked up most of the home responsibilities while you're not working? Definitely quitting was not the most mature or thoughtful way to go about it.....how hard have you been looking? A lot of people don't look that hard while on unemployment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## itsmeokay (Sep 25, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> IfI had to speculate I'd say she got tired of working a job she hated while you didn't work. Not that it's your fault, just speculating. Perhaps she felt you weren't doing enough to find another job? Have you picked up most of the home responsibilities while you're not working? Definitely quitting was not the most mature or thoughtful way to go about it.....how hard have you been looking? A lot of people don't look that hard while on unemployment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is my thought too. Earlier last year, I was in a job that I hated and had me stressed beyond measure (I was also a working full-time mom and grad student). My husband had been (and still is) either unemployed or working these odd jobs that usually are temporary, part-time, or commission only. I deeply resented him because he would only focus on the same types of jobs over and over and over. He has a degree, yet he doesn't seem pressed to get a stable job. Whew....ok I digress....sorry about that... 

But anyway, I pleaded with him to please meet me halfway so that I could resign from my job and pursue a job in my field of study on a full-time basis. There were several times I thought to just up and quit and see how he handled it then. But then I thought about the insurance, no other sources of income, childcare, etc. and I came to my senses. My point is that for her to do that, it almost seems like a challenge to you to fix it or to find a way to bring in money if her new job leads don't pan out.

Sorry for the long reply.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Wow, she's arrogant.

FYI: my friend got unemployment for 3 years straight. They just kept renewing it. It was insane but lucky for her.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

if no kids hit the road running!


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## not recognizable (Mar 19, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> if no kids hit the road running!


He'd better get a job first.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

About ten years ago, I quit my fulltime job and took on a job for a side company of a very successful local businessman, developing sports stats which he wanted to sell to major league teams.

I signed a contract which was very fair: I was going to be paid well, could pretty much set my own hours (some working from home, some at the office), etc. One little caveat: either party could break the contract with no notice within the first X days (trying to remember if it was 30, 60 or 90).

It was great: dream job. Talked sports, talked stats, had a ball. Had a lovely two and a half months there, and then he came in one day (he wasn't there often) and said he was breaking the contract, and he had a different one for me to sign.

This contract paid me the same, but had me working mostly nights (we had a newborn at the time), all at the office. Worst yet was that if I accepted it, then I would have to hand over ownership of all the work I'd done before my employment there, which I had done in my own time and not been paid for. Naturally, there was a non-competition clause, meaning I couldn't go and pitch my work to teams, write a book, or even give my work away on a website.

I was crushed. I knew I couldn't accept that deal, and knew I had to quit. Went home feeling down, and wasn't sure how I could tell my wife that I would have to quit and see if I could get my old job back. The worry was all for naught, because when I told her about, and she looked at the contract I'd brought home, she was so mad. "Do NOT sign this contract! Do NOT work for that [email protected]&#!" She preferred the idea of never making a penny from my work than giving it to him.

Everything worked out, as I called back my old employer, and they were happy to take me on again.

---

I could NEVER imagine summarily quitting a job and telling my wife like she's an afterthought.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Enonamus said:


> I lost my job earlier this year and have had trouble finding work. I am currently collecting unemployment. Since the layoff my wife has been the sole income earner and source of health insurance. Years ago this situation was reversed and I was working while she was out of work.
> 
> She tells me the other day that she gave her two weeks notice, but does not have another one lined up. She had a couple interviews before the holidays, but has not heard back. After the two weeks the only income will be my unemployment checks which will barely cover the mortgage. We will also lose our health insurance.
> 
> ...


I'd be asking the question why she didn't feel the need to discuss it first. What's the thought pattern behind that behavior? I think it needs to be talked out.

I'm all for 'going with the flow' but there's a time and place for it and while she may view that her actions are fine, mutual respect needs to be considered. You already know that you're not over-reacting. Your view ought to be considered and respected. 

I think the behavior is a big deal... which is why it needs to be talked out. The action of her quitting her job without another to go to, is then a result of that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I left a job without another to go to... realized quickly it wasn't going to work out; was suspicious around some things that were askew, certain elements didn't add up, and instinct kicked in. I talked about it with hubs, granted he was employed, and I left. It was the least amount of time I'd ever been at a job. By chance when I was in my next job, I bumped into someone I'd worked with and learned that a few months after I'd left, the staff had turned up to work one morning, told they were out of jobs and the business folded. At the point of learning this, some were still trying to find work.

Another job I'd felt in a slight quandary over when to hand in my notice as, depending on timing, I could have received holiday pay and then put in my notice and left shortly after, or hand in my notice and leave before the holidays. Hubs and I talked about it and agreed to do the 'right thing' ...that of course is up to interpretation - the right thing by whom? While we can be negotiators for our best interests at times, we agreed this wasn't one of them. It was a small business, it had been a good opportunity and that felt like the right thing to do. I remember handing in my notice and the boss/owner commented that I could have waited and collected holiday pay. I told him that wasn't my style.

I feel these things are important to discuss and share in as a couple.

How did your wife go with the interviews? I hope she managed to get another job quickly - but the underlying behavior/issues will still be there regardless. And I think it's important for that to be considered. All the best to you both.


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## Microwavelove (Sep 11, 2013)

I wouldn't say to consider divorce right now. From what you've said, she doesn't have a pattern of doing this-- it seems to be out of the ordinary for her. I agree with previous posters that her decision seems to be possibly an immature reaction to your employment status. It is definitely something you all will need to talk and work through though. 

I was laid off for a year, and it wreaked havoc on our marriage-- brought out the worst in both of us. Once I was again gainfully employed we went to counseling and were able to start working through the issues that made it so difficult. I'm glad now that neither of us left during that time. Just saying-- try not to pack your bags just yet.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Your first post sounds like you are gone already and there is MUCH more to this story.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> IfI had to speculate I'd say she got tired of working a job she hated while you didn't work. Not that it's your fault, just speculating. Perhaps she felt you weren't doing enough to find another job? Have you picked up most of the home responsibilities while you're not working? Definitely quitting was not the most mature or thoughtful way to go about it.....how hard have you been looking? A lot of people don't look that hard while on unemployment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know what, I had this thought too, but even if it's true, it's a horrible, immature thing to do. It would be one thing to say "listen, I'm getting fed up with this situation -- you have __ months to find a job, or I'm going to quit mine." What she did just sounds entitled and selfish.


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