# Is it me or them?



## LL2018! (Apr 17, 2018)

I have been having some arguments with almost every member of my family and I don't understand if its me or them. My husband says my family is just toxic but I don't know.

My father and I are not really speaking. We own a family business, so two weeks ago I was working and my dad come up to me in front of the entire business staff, then standing 5 inches from my face asked me why I had not fixed my car yet. He said I had no excuses and My car should be fixed already. He sounded so angry and soooo unprofessional that I felt embarrassed and asked him to leave. He got mad and asked for my mom and I said she's not here. Then he asked where is she and I said "she's not here." (He thinks my mom is cheating on him. We all thinks so.) Then he finished by yelling "you need to fix your car", I replied "and you need to leave" We said the same thing 3 times in a row. My father is never in the office and does pretty much nothing at his house all day. A few days ago, I saw him and said Hi and he ignored me. He has been ignoring me since. I feel sad for him, I am constantly telling my parents that they don't control my life and I can choose what I do with my life. Its an ongoing battle.

Today, I got mad at my sister. We share a baby sitter (you can't really trust just anyone with a 8 month old baby.) and today i was suppose to pick him up at 5. Well, my sister changed the schedule and the sitter left at 4. So my sister was not happy that she had be with all the kids for that extra hour. When I arrived she said that she needed to leave already. that she called me, My phone was broken at 3 o'clock today, I dropped it and have to fix it tomorrow. I am just mad because she had all day yesterday and all morning to tell me that the schedule changed. She waited to tell me at 3:50.....10 minutes before the sitter left that the time changed. I guess what actually got me mad was that my sister was talking to my mom on the phone and when i got to the door she gave me the phone. my mom said to me "Your officially the worst ****ing mother ever, fix your ****ing phone" and hung up on me. I was in shock, why would she say that, I am not a bad mom. i love, take care of, provide, never hit, abuse, starve or do anything bad to them. My sister was smiling. smh. I feel like my mother has no right to call me a bad mom, especially because one time (maybe more) she left us and took off with another man when I was little. Thats a bad mom. 
On my sister end, I am learning more and more everyday that she is telling everyone my business and what I am saying behind my back. People say "oh yea, your sister told me." This is quite often. 

Most of all i feel sad, for my kids and my husband. But is it me?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your family sounds toxic. 

Can you find another job?


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## LL2018! (Apr 17, 2018)

Its the flexibility that ties me to this job. I am finishing up college, I have kids and my husband travels for work. So my schedule is what what I make it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Then you need to just minimize things like confiding in your sister.

Your mother has learned that she can say whatever ugly crap she wants to you, and you just tolerate it. Maybe you could learn to be a bit more sharped tongue... like when she tell you that you are a bad mother, just reply back "At least I have not left my child for an affair partner." Put it back on her. I find that once a mean person realizes that they will get what the dish out, they stop the nonsense. Why? Because it's no any fun for them anymore.

Your father sounds like a guy who is profoundly unhappy in his lot in life. 

So avoid them all as much as possible.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Stop sharing anything personal with family if they just use the info for ammunition against you.

When they insert their opinion when you don't want it simply say in a calm voice "I didn't ask for your opinion".

If the sitter can't notify you any and every time the schedule changes then she should always stick to the original plan - no matter how your sister changes it. It is YOUR agreement on time/hours with the sitter! If she can't follow that guideline then find a new sitter.

No need to share info with any family member when they aren't loyal and supportive.

Your Mom needs a call from you that states that you won't have any interaction with her when she's mean and critical. Her criticizing you that way is unacceptable and you need to have a voice and speak your truth.

Tell Mom she must have been referring to herself - because you don't have evidence you're a bad Mom but there IS evidence she has been a bad Mom and she's still exhibiting the same qualities that help her qualify as a bad Mom. 

Cut them out of your daily/weekly/monthly life if it makes you happier. Life is too short to stay loyal to mean people. Your family isn't nice. Tell them they aren't nice and you're not putting up with it anymore!

You've trained them to treat you terribly! It's time to retrain them. When YOU change things - that's when things change.

Don't expect them to change - it's up to you to set the boundary and to stick to it - for YOUR best interest.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

They say that the apple does not fall from the tree.
The family tree.

In your case it is mostly true.

You rolled further then the rest.
There was a downslope, a drop-off near your family tree.
That is where you separated from the other grounded apples.
The other family members are those that are now fermenting, stewing in their own juice.

Roll on, get free.

Your past is your' future.
Your future exposes you to continuous septic shocks.

Roll on, get free.



KB-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

LL2018! said:


> Its the flexibility that ties me to this job. I am finishing up college, I have kids and my husband travels for work. So my schedule is what what I make it.


Finish up college, then move to a different job, a new location 'far enough' away from your broken English speaking family.



KB-


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