# Stopping back in to thank you all...



## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

Here's a link to my initial post for those who don't know my story:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/233266-never-thought-id-here.html

I haven't been on this board in some months for numerous reasons, partly because it was so painful to see all of the other hurting people here, it started to drag me down dwelling on all of it. BUT, you helped me more than you'll ever know and I want to THANK YOU all so much! Knowing there were people who felt the pain, shock and disbelief the same way I had was comforting. I would never say that time heals all wounds, but enough time does take some of the sting away.

Now for an update. Our divorce was to have been final this week, but we had to file a continuance due to him not disclosing everything my attorney asked for, so it should be all wrapped up next month. He moved in with Heather the ***** this summer, yep, up and moved 5 hours away to Indiana. They bought a condo together on a golf course and are living happily ever after... Whatever, she can have him, the thought of being with him is honestly revolting to me at this point. However, now that our daughter has started having visitations with them has been a little hard on me. When she came back from Indiana she was raving about how big and nice their place was. It was all I could do to keep from saying "well ****ing good for them!". I also moved out of our home in June, into a rented townhouse, so less than half the sq. ft. I was used to. But, I'm on my own (with DD of course), so paying ALL my bills on my own while he's playing house with her and splitting everything. So yeah, money is much tighter for me and I don't blame DD for being enamored with what he has now, but it does sting. But, I'm with her every day, he sees her maybe 2-3 days a month so I win, hands down. :smile2: I have also not heard a peep from my ex-in-laws, but did find out it was them who gave him the money to file for divorce. They haven't seen our daughter since July 4, 2014. I have no use for those people in my life ever again.

I have also been seeing someone for about 6 months, but unlike my ex, I met this guy AFTER we split up and we're taking things very slow. He's a great, hard working guy who makes me happy and even though I've been through hell the past year, I never even think about him cheating or lying, we're very open and honest about everything. He is also divorced with a son about my daughter's age, his ex cheated on him as well and neither of us would ever want to put another person through that kind of pain.

Anyway, I just wanted to come back and update, even though I haven't been around much I have grown and moved on, much in part to this forum. I don't think I'm to the point yet where I could give anyone else advice, since I do still react to things very emotionally, but hopefully my experience will help someone else see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

It is great to hear that you are moving on with your life. Good also to share these stories to let people who are just after D Day know that life will get better and brighter. Thank you for sharing, wishing you well.


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## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

One thing I forgot to mention, the ex and the OW are both now following my daughter on IG and liking and commenting on all of her posts. If you recall, that is how the two of them "met", via Instagram so that is more than a bit of a sore spot with me. That is the one thing that still triggers up my anger and hurt. It's not enough that the two of them constantly post pics and flaunt their relationship and everything they have on there and FB, but now drawing a 12 year old into their BS is going too far. I know the OW is just doing it to rub it in my face, but I take comfort in knowing that healthy, adult relationships do NOT need to be broadcast daily on social media.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are wiser, better, faster, stronger....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

hurtinginohio said:


> One thing I forgot to mention, the ex and the OW are both now following my daughter on IG and liking and commenting on all of her posts. If you recall, that is how the two of them "met", via Instagram so that is more than a bit of a sore spot with me. That is the one thing that still triggers up my anger and hurt. It's not enough that the two of them constantly post pics and flaunt their relationship and everything they have on there and FB, but now drawing a 12 year old into their BS is going too far. I know the OW is just doing it to rub it in my face, but I take comfort in knowing that healthy, adult relationships do NOT need to be broadcast daily on social media.


They are ground dwellers. You are a hawk. Fly above them. Ignore them.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Stopping back in to thank you all..*

Thanks for updating us. I had wondered how you were doing and I'm very happy to hear you are moving in the right direction. So many posters stop posting because they are not moving in the right direction and I'm especially glad that's not the case with you. I know it's been a long, hard road. 
Welcome to life on the other side. :smile2:


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

hurtinginohio said:


> I know the OW is just doing it to rub it in my face


No doubt, they sound like real TRASH.

They'll turn on each other soon enough.

Responding only feeds their ego. Ignore them.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

hurtinginohio said:


> He is also divorced with a son about my daughter's age, *his ex cheated on him as well*.


Really glad to hear your coping and have at least some one who looks up to you and treats you right 

Just make sure that the quoted part is true please


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP, glad to hear that you are moving forward with your life. Things will only continue to improve for you.

As for his OW... well- she got exactly what she deserved. A CHEATER and a less than stellar dad. Isn't she lucky.

You on the other hand get to rebuild your life without the betraying cheater. You traded up!

Best 
WD


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

It is nice to hear you are doing fine. 

Ignore both of them,you get better deal at the end. You get rid of cheating man and now you can enjoy yourself and hopefully find a good man.

Dont worry about your daughter,she is old enough to understand some of the things. She is not 5 year old so you can "buy her happines" with gifts,nice house and things like that.

Keep improving yourself,spend some time with your new man ,your daughter,friends.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I see he is still an immature, man child who relies on his parents. She will get that immaturity once the honeymoon phase wears off.

But please, keep focusing on your own life. He is not worth the time energy, and emotions to focus on. That will get easier for you once you start enjoying your own life more and more.

Sometimes, just sharing pain with another persons helps. You can be an emotional cheerleader for others if you wish.

Also, be careful about bonding over share pain. Once that is gone, the relationship needs other aspects to bond on. Just do not have forever in mind. Realistic expectations. But, spend time exploring new hobbies and other activities to find what the two of you have in common. Over time, see if your habits match if the relationship lasts. Also enjoy the here and now.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*@ hurtinginohio Welcome "home" to TAM! Always remember that you are amongst friends here!

I'm so relieved to hear that you are doing OK both emotionally and spiritually! Always remember that God knows what heartaches you've endured as your tears of despair are His tears!

I so much love hearing perserverence stories and yours is truly one of the best that I've heard! God Bless!
*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

G.J. said:


> Really glad to hear your coping and have at least some one who looks up to you and treats you right
> 
> Just make sure that the quoted part is true please


Thanks! I do know it's true...he's been divorced for over 4 years and has moved on, we've just shared things from our past relationships with each other as well as owning mistakes we've made and what we want for the future. I never thought I'd want to date again, thought I'd be married til I died, but I have to admit, it is kind of fun experiencing all those "firsts" again with someone new.

The main thing I still have to work on is to not be bothered when I see/hear how wonderful the EX's life is and all the things they have when I'm struggling to make ends meet. It's hard to not be resentful when I see them being "rewarded" for being liars and cheats. But, I take comfort in the fact that in time karma WILL take care of it. I'm trying to focus on the good in my life and I know that I'm a much stronger, healthier person I was a year ago. I just completed my 6th 5K on Saturday, ran my first one last Thanksgiving.

For those of you who are reeling from the shock and pain of infidelity, please know there ARE people who care and who've been there, and that there is light at the end of that long, dark tunnel.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

hurtinginohio said:


> One thing I forgot to mention, the ex and the OW are both now following my daughter on IG and liking and commenting on all of her posts. If you recall, that is how the two of them "met", via Instagram so that is more than a bit of a sore spot with me. That is the one thing that still triggers up my anger and hurt. It's not enough that the two of them constantly post pics and flaunt their relationship and everything they have on there and FB, but now drawing a 12 year old into their BS is going too far. I know the OW is just doing it to rub it in my face, but I take comfort in knowing that healthy, adult relationships do NOT need to be broadcast daily on social media.


You should block them. IMO. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Great update. You deserved better. One comment, I was 12 when my dad left, and it's THE most vulnerable age for a girl to lose her father. It really did a number on me, affected EVERYTHING. So as much as it must gall you to see them all chummy, try to let it go; the more he's in her life, the better. But I wouldn't lie to her; make sure she understand s WHY he's gone so she doesn't idolize him and vilify you. 

And I would like to highly recommend this website; it was a Godsend for me and my daughter at that age. They used to have real newsletters in the mail, but you can still read them online. But it was a great way for the two of us to sit down and discuss all the hard issues that are covered in each issue. Just good stuff; it really helped us keep our conversation and communication going.
Daughters.com - Girls, parents and allies raising strong girls in a world that is still sexist.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

HIO! I was wondering about you lately.

You sound better. But...you still are not detached from him. Please tread lightly in this new relationship for this reason.

I am glad you stopped by to update us.

Let the riff raff have each other while you look out for you and your daughter.

Take care!


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## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> HIO! I was wondering about you lately.
> 
> You sound better. But...you still are not detached from him. Please tread lightly in this new relationship for this reason.
> 
> ...


I think about how much easier it would be to detach myself from him if we didn't have a daughter together...this man will be in my life forever, like it or not. The ho can have him, I wouldn't take him back if he were the last man on earth, but I'm still not ready for her to have a relationship with MY daughter, that is hard.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You have your daughter and your honor and integrity are intact. As far as I am concerned, it's a win-win for you.

I don't think you have to wait for the karma bus to come. It has already hit him. He moved five hours away from his daughter. He has tracks on his back already from everything he's done.

A big house doesn't mean anything compared to the experience of having your children in your life. If I had a nickel for every older man who has cried on my shoulder about his skewed priorities when his children were young, I could buy myself a venti mocha at Starbucks.

It's all part of the script. He will regret a lot of this later. You can bank on it.

Keep on keeping on. You're doing great. It's nice to read such positive updates.


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## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

alte Dame said:


> You have your daughter and your honor and integrity are intact. As far as I am concerned, it's a win-win for you.
> 
> I don't think you have to wait for the karma bus to come. It has already hit him. He moved five hours away from his daughter. He has tracks on his back already from everything he's done.
> 
> ...


Thank you! :smile2:


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