# How Could You?!?!



## Devastated911 (Sep 30, 2013)

I am so broken about this that I dont even know where to begin. We have been together almost 5 years, married for 5 months have a 2 1/2 year old and a baby on the way (3 months pregnant). He left his email open this weekend and I found out that he has been going on craigslist and meeting random strangers to have sex with!! Both men and woman. The woman he was hooking up with were more dominatrix type woman but included vaginal, oral and anal sex. The men were transexual men that dress like woman. He says he never did oral sex on the men and never received anal but received both oral and gave anal to the Trannys. I am disgusted on so many levels!!! He put me and the baby in danger of catching a disease! 

I have never felt so many different emotions at one time in my life! I am devastated over this and cant seem to function. When I confronted him he immediately apologized and tried to explain why he has done this horrible thing. That he was molested as a child and has always had this feelings and never seek help out of fear of what people would think. That hes not gay...really could have fooled me!! That he has a sex problem and never told me about his desire to be humilated in the bedroom out of fear I would leave. That first thing Monday morning (today) he would look into a therapist and he cant loose his family and of course super apologetic!

I am pregnant and this amount of stress is more than I can bear on a normal day lead alone with a baby growing inside me. I feel like our entire relationship has been a lie. I dont even know who this man is! 5 months after our wedding really?! Men and woman oral, anal and everything else?! Then coming home and kissing my son and having sex with me knowing I am pregnant! Transexuals...sigh. I could go on and on about the issues but I dont know that I can deal with all this. Although none of the hookups were emotionally driven the level of hurt and betrayal is through the roof. I could never trust him again, and the thought of his face sickens me lead alone ever even having sex with him again. 

I don't know...do I try for the sake of our family to work through this or do what I feel is what is the more logical thing and move on as a single mom of a 2 1/2 year old, pregnant and divorced after 5 months of marriage?! HELP????


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

No one can really help you here. 
You alone have to decide.

I doubt though he will ever improve.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Get to a doctor first. This is about your health and that of your kids. Get into IC and tell him to get out until you can decide what you really want to do.

Not


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Devastated911 said:


> I am so broken about this that I dont even know where to begin. We have been together almost 5 years, married for 5 months have a 2 1/2 year old and a baby on the way (3 months pregnant). He left his email open this weekend and I found out that he has been going on craigslist and meeting random strangers to have sex with!! Both men and woman. The woman he was hooking up with were more dominatrix type woman but included vaginal, oral and anal sex. The men were transexual men that dress like woman. He says he never did oral sex on the men and never received anal but received both oral and gave anal to the Trannys. I am disgusted on so many levels!!! He put me and the baby in danger of catching a disease!
> 
> I have never felt so many different emotions at one time in my life! I am devastated over this and cant seem to function. When I confronted him he immediately apologized and tried to explain why he has done this horrible thing. That he was molested as a child and has always had this feelings and never seek help out of fear of what people would think. That hes not gay...really could have fooled me!! That he has a sex problem and never told me about his desire to be humilated in the bedroom out of fear I would leave. That first thing Monday morning (today) he would look into a therapist and he cant loose his family and of course super apologetic!
> 
> ...


I am so sorry. 

Bring him to a psychologist, pronto. 

See what they have to say after their evaluation before you make any decisions. 

Of course, if you want to leave him, that is okay and totally your decision to make.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

At this point step back. Don't make any hasty decisions. The devastation you are feeling is normal and will not go away for a while.

Don't believe a word he says. Not one. IF he said he did not have anal, believe he had it ten times. 

Maybe his feelings did come from being molested. But as I aways say in counseling, we can understand the feelings, etc, but that is never an excuse for wrong behavior. Having feelings is one thing, acting out on them is a whole complete other issue.

If you have not already get tested for the entire STD list. 

The whole "I going for IC" is a smoke screen. He got caught and he is covering his behind. 

Take your time to sort this all out. Your emotions are too raw right now. 

1. Get tested for the whole STD panel.
2. Don't believe a thing he says.
3. Don't get physical with him, no sex.
4. Vent and get other opinions.
5. Protect yourself and your kids.
6. If he is wiling, have him write down or willing record what he did.
7. Have him give you all his account infor, emails, phone, sites, etc. If you can stomach it tell him to stay off these sites until you or a trusted friend can look at his accounts.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Sweetheart fvcking run for your life. He is an abomination- cut him out.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Don't make any decisions? Puh! Kick him out. Tell his parents and yours. Get anSTD test and file for divorce. Staying with him would be a lifetime of worry and heartache. He won't be able to give up men. 

This is his problem. He lied, used you, allowed a child to be conceived and tricked you. 

He is no good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

remorseful strayer said:


> I am so sorry.
> 
> Bring him to a psychologist, pronto.
> 
> ...


To clarify:

Seeking a psychiatric evaluation for your husband's problem, is FOR YOU as much as for him. 

You need to hear a professional describe the issue and offer a proper diagnosis as well as prognosis based on his individual case. 

Also, you will always feel that you held up you part of the wedding vow in sickness and in health and got him the help he needs. 

In the end, whatever you decide to do, and ONLY YOU CAN OR SHOULD DECIDE, your decision will be an informed decision and that will help you with closure should you decide to divorce. 

Lastly Thorburn's advice to have thorough STD testing is a must. 

best wishes.


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Wow. What a shock! I am sorry but i don't believe his story about the molestation. It's just an excuse.

He sounds like he is fulfilling his sexual cravings for men and women and using you as a frontage to look normal. 

You need some space from this to think clearly.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

hibiscus said:


> Wow. What a shock! I am sorry but i don't believe his story about the molestation. It's just an excuse.
> 
> He sounds like he is fulfilling his sexual cravings for men and women and using you as a frontage to look normal.
> 
> You need some space from this to think clearly.


I couldn't agree more, but will add one thing.

After the divorce, I wonder if he is stable enough to have unsupervised visitations with the children. Better see an attorney- yesterday.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Divorce. The man is a walking pathology. This is not fixable, sad to say.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

remorseful strayer said:


> To clarify:
> 
> Seeking a psychiatric evaluation for your husband's problem, is FOR YOU as much as for him.
> 
> ...


I so totally disagree with this advice. 

There was never a marriage. If this isn't annulment material I don't know what is. 

Making her even remotely responsible for his problem is totally unfair to her. He knew all of this and put her into the most embarrassing and heartbreaking situation that can happen. We are seeing more and more of this on this site and it is awful. Between the net and secrecy and selfishness and so much of this nonsense that there is a diagnosis for every bad behavior everyone has an excuse and a book hoo "I am a victim so I am not responsible" BS answer. Lots of men are molested and don't become cheating *****s like this guy. It was men and women. 
He was never a married man. He just pretended to be. 

I would love to kick his ass to the moon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TooBroken (Sep 23, 2013)

I agree completely with Thorburn. You seriously need to get tested for STDs ASAP. This could affect the health of both you and your child, which goes without saying of course.

The selfishness of his actions is simply overwhelming. 

While it's safe to say he needs therapy, I don't think it's your responsibility to make sure he goes through with it. He has to grow up, but it's not your job to be his parent.

Throwing this all back on his having been abused is a cop-out. It's not up to you to fix his problems either. At this point, you need to take care of yourself, your son, and your unborn child.


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## helpandadvice (Sep 13, 2013)

Wow! I am so sorry for you after reading your story. I am always on the side of trying to work things out if both people want to work things out. I filed for divorce last week and would call everything off if she would just show a little remorse and want to reconcile.

Probably do not want to hear this, but I appreciate people right now that are blunt with their advice and do not sugar coat anything. In your case I would runn from him as fast as I could. You could probably get alimony and child support because of his dangerous behavior. I could never get over something like that.

RUN!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

I wonder what is worse, staying and having to lower your level of fulfillment but be able to raise your kids 100% of the time, or leave and share custody with somebody who is modeling poor character for them 50% of the time without you there to supervise and make sure they are safe.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Wow, I'm really really sorry for the mess your in. I'ld first distance myself and ask him to step away, either to his parents or w a friend , that you need to think ... You need space. 

Then, start to sort out things w help. Don't try to go it alone. You've got too much on your plate to do so. 

~ sammy


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Devastated911,

How are you doing?


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