# Dating site



## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Has anyone heard of Anastasia ? Is it a scam ? My husband is addicted to this site for 5 years now and refuses to come off it. Thoughts on a solution :scratchhead:


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Divorce him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johny1989 (May 21, 2014)

I think you need to talk to him directly about this.. Then decide what you have to do...


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

I have....many many times. He says she is just a friend but I always tell him, yes, a paid friend and a very expensive one at that !!


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

He says his feelings for me havent changed and why am I making such a big issue out of it.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Wait he's actually paying to be on there??! WTF. 

How much money? How many kids do you have? 

It's inappropriate on many levels - it disrespects you, your marriage, your finances, your kids, if you have any.

You've asked him to stop. His response to you: "f --k off"

Why haven't you divorced him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Never heard of that. But if it is a sort of dating site or talking to a female site then obviously you have something to worry, specially if he is seeing the same girl for some time. And I doubt that it's innocent as no one pays for innocent chats like how your day is, unless he has really no one nor wife or you guys have a terrible relationship and he is not fixing it with you. So it's probably less innocent then it appears, perhaps flirting or things like that.

And instead of saying you're making a fuss over it, ask him why he's making a fuss to leave it if it's not relevant anyways.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

put a keylogger on his computer, see just how 'friendly' he is with his 'friend'.

or heck, don't even bother. Being on a freaking dating site is grounds for divorce already.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Its $400 for 1000 credits. Each e mail he sends or receives is so many credits. We have grown up kids. I have been very uncomfortable with him being on this site since day 1 but he says he is doing nothing wrong and why cant he have a friend to write to !! He has debt because of this site. Its insane. Thank you for the replies, just confirms what I thought.


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Tria,

Just Google it. It is a dating agency created to connect with Eastern European and Russian women. Doesn't get better than that. Check for reviews: ifiwy I'd know what is better: if the site is the scam and that's where the family money go, or if it is not, and it really "connects".

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Baloney.

If he just wanted to chat with pen pals there are millions of free options online.

Besides, guys don't want to just chat and make new friends.hes looking for more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

tria said:


> He says his feelings for me havent changed and why am I making such a big issue out of it.


Typical gas lighting statement.

Why are you putting up with this?


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Thank you, I did.....its an expensive dating site with 'ladies' looking for husbands not pen friends !! But he says she is not like that !!


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

I wont be for much longer. Just wanted peoples thoughts on this situation. I am sure the 'lady' he chats to know knows exactly what she is doing even tho hes too stupid to see it !!


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Sure she isn't. I new some guys who suffered from so called Russian brides. You're lucky if you are loosing just couple of hundreds of $$$. You know they (brides) have a nickname for the guys like your husband. It vaguely translates as a "piglet that is being fed before slaughtered". Go figure.



tria said:


> Thank you, I did.....its an expensive dating site with 'ladies' looking for husbands not pen friends !! But he says she is not like that !!


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

I wish it was 100's of $'s but turns out its 1000's  He says he now has her 'private' e mail address but he still 'looks' at that site. I dont believe him of course as they are not allowed to give out those kind of details.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Is he using a joint credit card? If so cancel it. 

Even if the card is in his name only, call them. You have all his information and you are his wife. Demand that the card company do not accept any charges from this site.

Open up a separate bank account at a new bank in your name only. Transfer at least half the money into this account.

And see a lawyer Monday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

tria said:


> I wish it was 100's of $'s but turns out its 1000's  He says he now has her 'private' e mail address but he still 'looks' at that site. I dont believe him of course as they are not allowed to give out those kind of details.


I believe him. They've definitely exchanged private email addresses away from the site.

I think this is far worse than you suspect. Sorry, it really doesn't look good to me.


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

It's not good, if they 'are not allowed' as you say it, it is not a dating site it is an agency. This women wouldn't be communicating with him all this time if she wouldn't be certain she's on the path to have a visa in her passport. Has he ever on a long enough business trip/away from home? 




tria said:


> I wish it was 100's of $'s but turns out its 1000's
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## OpenEnded (Jul 30, 2012)

Happily married men have no business on this site.

AnastasiaDate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

No long business trip but an away trip which I later found out that he had met her. He said it was 'unplanned' and that she was his interpreter.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

I know.....I am at the stage now where I just cannot tolerate this situation any longer. I have asked him nicely, I have begged but he will not give her up. Thanx to everyone for their advice. I know now what I have to do.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Thank you - its what I always thought. Sorry to be so naive but all this is seems so sureal...I am having a hard time coping with any of it.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Can the credit card company stop more payments if the card is in his name ? Surely they only accept instructions from the person whose account it is ?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Just report it stolen and see what happens.


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

If he is married to you then why is he corresponding with women on a Russian bride site? The whole endeavor is supposed to hook up single men with marriage minded women. The reality is that these sites actually hire women to correspond with men as a job - and Anastasia has a reputation as being one of the worse scam sites. There are few legitimate sites in this space as well - but again why would a married man be utilizing them?

If he was just looking at the pictures - maybe it would be some sort of white knight fantasy thing he is doing - similar to a women reading a steamy romance novel. But if he is corresponding with these ladies how is that different then going to a bar and trying to pick up women?


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

I have done some digging and found that this site is a huge money making scam. The women's pitures that are up are not even their own and the women who write the replies are men ! I wrote to a guy who used to be on that site and he said its a scam. My husband is a very obsessive person and thinks this woman that he has befriended is just that, a friend ! I have told him she is not on that site to make friends ! but to find a husband but hes having none of that. He says its no different writing to her than chatting to a woman in the street !! He asks then does this mean he cant talk to any woman !! I told him its the very nature of the site, all the girls wriggling their wares and looking for a husband....man, is he dumb or what !!


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Yes, maybe I will report it stolen...but they will then just replace it


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

He will get a new card in the mail, but you can intercept it. Yes it will only delay him, he will use another card.

Bottom line is he is using household money to fund this. You need to speak to a lawyer Monday to protect yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

tria said:


> Yes, maybe I will report it stolen...but they will then just replace it


What you could try is email the administration on the actual site, include his email addy, username if you know that and the details of this other person etc. Tell them you are his wife and you will be reporting the credit card being used as fraud to your cc company.

These companies like making money, they dont like drama. Most likely they will suspend his account. 

Report to cc company that you didnt authorize the chgs. That will put a freeze on the card and they do an investigation and because of red tape it usually takes about 6-8 weeks to do and he wont be able to use that card at all to access the site.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Sadly, he e mails thru Anastasia..thats how the site works. I dont know enuf details to do what yu suggest. He has made everything so secure. He has many cc and will just use another if I report on the one I think he is using. Anyone know how to hack a computer ??? I would love to see what they chat about !


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

tria said:


> I would love to see what they chat about !


Hint: they aren't chatting about sports or politics.

Stop torturing yourself. Just speak to a lawyer. He can be put on notice that any debts directly related to dating sites are his and not the marriage's. But you need to speak to a lawyer ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

How do you think he would feel if the roles were reversed? He is disrespecting you and your marriage. If you don't respect yourself then who will?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

tria said:


> Sadly, he e mails thru Anastasia..thats how the site works. I dont know enuf details to do what yu suggest. He has made everything so secure. He has many cc and will just use another if I report on the one I think he is using. Anyone know how to hack a computer ??? I would love to see what they chat about !


Then just give his real name and address, he has to put all that into there system when he uses the cc. They will track it that way. These companies live and die on ability to run credit cards and the processing companies they use to do the actual transaction have little tolerance. Anastasia is more paranoid about cc headaches than keeping your husband happy.

You report to both the website and your cc and they will put a freeze on the acct. You need to make a stink to stop the cashflow, he wont stop because it has gone on for so long now. 

You already know what he is talking about and it isnt about how devoted he is to you. That should be obvious. You can obtain tracking software and install it pretty easily on your system and he wont know it is there. Weightlifter on this site and posted several times different ways to do it.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

tria said:


> He said it was 'unplanned' and that she was his interpreter.


Lol! It never ceases to amaze me. The blatant lies that drip from the mouths of cheaters so easily is surely a wonder to behold!

Tria. 
See a lawyer ASAP re the CC spending. He is spending YOUR shared marital assets on a foreign bimbo website. That needs to be stopped pronto. As honcho above suggests, PM Weightlifter, he is the resident expert on spying software and methods.

Your marriage is in dire trouble, what do you want to do about it?
Is there any love or affection between you two still? Sounds from your responses that it's almost in its death throes to me.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

She doesn't need to waste time or money on spyware. She knows what's going on.


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

Yeah, for 5 years... either that Russian lady is very patient or...



PhillyGuy13 said:


> She doesn't need to waste time or money on spyware. She knows what's going on.


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> She doesn't need to waste time or money on spyware. She knows what's going on.


Naturally that's her call, but being a woman I can understand how curious she is, wether she wants to save or shelve her marriage, or wether she wants some bargaining chips along the way.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Divorce

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## catsa (Jun 8, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Divorce
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Put a key logger on the computer. 

Webwatcher or Spector. 

If you want screenshots of everything - maybe they're Skyping and having virtual sex- use Spector. 

They're both steath, install easily. You'll know everything. Even passwords.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Thank you to everyone for the help and advice. I am going to see what I can install and PM weigthlifter to see if he can help. 
I know 5 years is a long time but in between he has promised and assured me he will stop but needless to say, he doesnt. I guess I never gave up hoping !!!


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

THIS. 



PhillyGuy13 said:


> She doesn't need to waste time or money on spyware. She knows what's going on.


 _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

How do I PM this gentleman ?

I know its in dire straits...hence me being on this site  I am trying to salvage it and regain the trust we once had. Its very difficult not having anyone to chat to. I feel quite lost at sea. I know what I have to do....


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

5 years?
why are you just now fired up about it enough to demand he stop? have you demanded he stop?

and they "accidentally" met? come on! he is lying to you tria. i'm sorry you are here but he has zero respect for your or your marriage. 
what exactly do you want to salvage? 

vent here all you want. you'll get lots of replies and different opinions but we all want to help YOU live healthier.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Sorry, I know very little about this stuff. His laptop is password protected so cant get in to install anything. Everything on it is very secure. How does webwatcher work ? Thanx.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What do you hope to find out by putting key loggers and spyware on his computer? 

Here are the facts as you know them:

1. He has an account at this dating site. As someone pointed out, married men have NO business on any dating sites. 

2. He has spent thousands of dollars on this site. Money you don't have. Even if the site was free he should be on there, but thousands of dollars. 

3. He has met up with one of these women on a trip. An "unplanned" meeting and he used her as an interpreter. (Ha!! Is he the ambassador to Russia? If so he's too busy for an affair)

4. You have asked him to stop being on the site, he has refused. Your feelings are not a concern to him. He is gas lighting you and making you feel paranoid - it's just a pen pal site!!

Several posters told you to call the credit card companies. You are his wife. You tell them he has an addiction to porn and dating sites, is racking up thousands in debt and has no plans to repay the card. At worst they will tell you they can't do anything, at best they will put a hold on his account.

All a key logger or spyware will do is confirm what you've already confirmed. What, you want proof that they are discussing sex or the ongoing crisis in the Ukraine? Come on you know the answer. Save your money for the lawyer.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Hell if it's just friendly conversations, then demand that he show them to you. Let him prove it to you.

Bet he won't show you the convos.


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Yes, I have demanded and ranted and raved and asked nicely that he stop. But nothing works. I told him when he cant pay that site she will drop him and find loads of others to feast off but he says shes not like that. He says she gave him her private e mail but its still thru Anastasia as I have seen him chatting and said I thought yu used her private e mail and he says yes, he does but thru that site. Not sure how it all works.
I am venting thank you. Its good to get it all off my chest !!


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Nope, he wont......is very very secretive about 'her'....I have on occassion caught him chatting and he quickly changes the screen. I said to him, if shes just a 'friend', then why are you so secretive !! He says its because I snoop


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Ugh... 

He's a liar. And worse he thinks you are a moron.

That is all.

Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> Just report it stolen and see what happens.


Break the law with a false report to the police/bank? 

That is such a bad idea! 

OP, just file for divorce. 

It will either clear his mind or let you know exactly where you stand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Thank you....I will phone the credit card companies right now. I know the one has already reduced his limit as he was only paying the interest back  and they wrote to him say it was the most expensive way to pay a cc. I know about the letter cos I was lucky enuf to get the post that day and opened it


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## tria (Jul 16, 2014)

Thank you for the input.


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