# Managing my teen ager



## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

Dear Group members,

Our son who is close to 8 and at grade 1. He has his own special character. He is smart and understand things well. He is the eldest and we have also a daughter who is close to 5. What ever he do she follow........
I help him in his study but there it related to his study . I will answer , then he asks another question , I will also answer. Then it takes an hour just to finish one home work . He does not do his home work un less I seat with him.

Parents , can you advise me how to handle this challenge ? is it temporary that will go away when he grow?

thanks


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

No it will worsen as he grows rather than go away if you bend to his demands now.

It sounds like he is smart and can actually do it himself. but just possibly, he needs you. It’s a bit cheeky that he makes you sit with him and ‘won’t’ do his homework unless you’re there, and then he drags it out. ☺

So two things, he wants his parents time, but also is manipulating the situation, so you have a battle. 

Find an activity or rewards for doing his homework that you can do together AFTER the homework. Don’t bend with this one no matter how dramatic he becomes. As a start, let him know tomorrow you have to be somewhere, and don’t be home. Be vague, and go. 

There have to be consequences for not doing his homework - the teachers will take care of this one for you 😉 He’ll learn quickly that the disapproval of the teachers will make him embarrassed. This is a situation where the teachers and parents can be a team. Most kids are scared of their teachers, but don’t let him know that you know this. 

You bail him out now, you’ll be completing his final year for him. Be strong and stop this now, but remember he is a child who needs his parent in other ways.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

[email protected] said:


> Dear Group members,
> 
> Our son who is close to 8 and at grade 1. He has his own special character. He is smart and understand things well. He is the eldest and we have also a daughter who is close to 5. What ever he do she follow........
> I help him in his study but there it related to his study . I will answer , then he asks another question , I will also answer. Then it takes an hour just to finish one home work . He does not do his home work un less I seat with him.
> ...


Do you think its your attention that he wants? Maybe let him know that he has to do his homework by himself but that as soon as he finishes you will spend time with him doing something he enjoys?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

may be he is just not interested in the home work , 
he finds it silly or does nothing for him , 
all depends on what he is into 

FIRST I left school not able read or wright at the time there was no investigation into things like today 
I know I was way ahead of the teachers but was not interested in books 
but after leaving school i self thought my self through wanting to find out all about what interested me .
I was playing in the sand before school age and a friend called to visit mother and father he 
saw me playing and he made the remark that I would be a ideal mechanic , 
I never did go to mechanic school because I would have to do book work but now for fun I build engines and love fixing things , and have never been shown how by anyone and thinking of getting into mechanics and repairs as an extra income


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

This is how he controls you.
My daughter used to do the same thing at that age. She wouldn’t meet her responsibilities unless I was somehow dragged into it, and then she would make the experience a miserable one.
Does the school have a free after school tutoring program you can place him in? Most American schools do. 
This way, he is receiving the coaching he craves without making your life miserable. If it turns out he can do his HW without tutoring help, then give him a chance. But once he has to spend extra time at school just to get HW done, he will not like it. After he is back home doing his HW, you can always send him back to tutoring if he starts his shenanigans up again at home.


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

MEA said:


> This is how he controls you.
> My daughter used to do the same thing at that age. She wouldn’t meet her responsibilities unless I was somehow dragged into it, and then she would make the experience a miserable one.
> Does the school have a free after school tutoring program you can place him in? Most American schools do.
> This way, he is receiving the coaching he craves without making your life miserable. If it turns out he can do his HW without tutoring help, then give him a chance. But once he has to spend extra time at school just to get HW done, he will not like it. After he is back home doing his HW, you can always send him back to tutoring if he starts his shenanigans up again at home.


This sounds great! Thank you


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

He's not a teenager at 8. You do get the difference right.

More carrot then stick now, but you have to make him aware there IS a stick, and it is a tool you'll use. Small samples now, but strict if needed.

When a true teenager you'll need to use the stick a few times for sure. Then as you go back to more carrot, and all remains well, you'll know you did a good job.

You'll get there.


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