# Feelin' Mighty Old



## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

I'm not really sure where to post this, in the Sex Forum or in the Mental Health Forum or in the Grief Forum. I think my problem is a little bit of each.

My wife died of cancer in July 2013. I've been alone ever since. I'm 56 now.

Even in the final years leading up to her death at 58, there was not much affection and very little sex in our marriage. I honestly can trace this back to her hysterectomy, when intercourse became impossible. (The MDs said taking hormone replacements might make her tumors come back, or something to that effect.)

I accepted that my sex life was pretty much over. I honestly never believed I would have 15+ years of highly enjoyable sex with a beautiful woman. I was very uninhibited with my wife and it gave me great joy and satisfaction giving her sexual pleasure. Now that the horror of her death has worn off a bit I think much more often about the wonderful times we had together.

I don't know if I can really go the rest of my life without sex. Yet women my own age really don't interest me. I'm just not aroused by women my own age or older. At least none of the women I have met thus far.

I go to my local tavern every Friday night for fish fry and beers. It's a Wisconsin thing. Taverns are packed on Friday nights with hordes of hungry people dying for fresh deep-fried perch, potato pancakes, coleslaw and cold beer. 

There are, of course, a number of young and very attractive women who tend bar and serve up fish fries at the tavern. I think they are amused by us old geezers who show up on Friday night, and quite frankly, a lot of us are alone. How else are we ever going to meet and talk to pretty 20 something young women? And in this particular tavern, us old men tend to "behave ourselves" and don't say anything "dirty" to the young women.

I find myself "fantasizing" about these young women.

Based upon the tent I wake up in every morning, I'm pretty sure that everything is "still functional" down there. I don't have to take any little blue pills (yet).

So I'm just a "dirty old pig" for being aroused by these young women hey? I should just accept the fact that I have to find a woman my own age. Or maybe I should just forget about the whole thing and watch porno on the internet like everybody else does?

It's just brutal being 56 and alone.

I never thought it would come to this.

Shockwave


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Let's see, how to say this......

I think there are plenty of 56 year old men who would have no problem attracting a younger woman, maybe even 15 or 20 years younger. 

I'm just not sure a 56 year old man who attends a weekly fish fry and silently leers at women nearly young enough to be his granddaughter is one of them.....

(I'm sorry for the loss of your wife  )


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## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm just not sure a 56 year old man who attends a weekly fish fry and silently leers at women nearly young enough to be his granddaughter is one of them.....


So that's one vote in the "dirty old pig" column.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I agree that's gross. Try for a woman in her late 40s w adult sons so you don't get any ideas. Dude


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

ShockwaveRider said:


> So that's one vote in the "dirty old pig" column.


Well, I don't even know you, so need for name calling! I agree with Dude, though....maybe try to meet someone in her forties with no daughters.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ShockwaveRider said:


> So that's one vote in the "dirty old pig" column.


She didn't call you a "dirty old pig", she was being honest that going to your same weekly haunt to get your Friday night Fish Fry on and check out the young talent isn't the best way to find a younger date.

Join a dating site so what you are looking for is upfront and clear, see what kind of responses you get.


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

First off, belated consolations for the loss of your wife. 

Regarding your visits to the tavern, I'm sure it's a great social spot, and it sounds like you enjoy your visits, but is a bar really the best place to meet women? 

There's absolutely no rule saying you have to settle for a woman closer to your own age. You might have a lot more in common, but if younger women excite you, don't let social stigmas stop you from pursuing them. Young men are immature and stupid. There are plenty of younger women out there who would love to be with a guy who has some wisdom and experience.

I would recommend expanding your search parameters. Have you thought about an online singles meet-up site? (Protip: Stay away from Ashlǝy Mɐdison!)


ɹǝʇsƃınὉ


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## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

Quigster said:


> Regarding your visits to the tavern, I'm sure it's a great social spot, and it sounds like you enjoy your visits, but is a bar really the best place to meet women?


I don't go to the tavern to meet women, I got there to eat fish fry.

It's just the only place I go (outside of work).

I'm uncomfortable with this concept of "leering". I don't think I'm "leering" at these women. They actually seem to rather LIKE me.

There again I guess the primary function of a female bartender is to make leering old men think they like us.

I'm so socially dysfunctional.

It's a wonder I ever got married at all.

Shockwave


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Shock n awe,

Why don't you at least try dating late 40s and work backwards in age if that doesn't work for you? Dude


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Quigster said:


> Young men are immature and stupid.


Just so we're clear ... there are just as many "immature and stupid" young women as young men.

And a few of those number don't improve, even with age and experience.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Don’t despair @ShockwaveRider, I don’t think attraction is measured solely (or even mostly) in chronological age. There are interesting and attractive people in every age group. And, for the record, I do not think your private thoughts about the young barmaids make you a dirty old man rather they make you a normal adult male.

The best that you (or any of us) can do is to sustain our health and fitness at optimum levels for our age and genetics. That's the physical "attraction" part. We should also continue to be involved in activities that interest us, while never forgetting to try something “new” periodically. We should also reach out and show interest in other people. That's the "interesting" part. *Bottom line is that interesting, engaged people attract others, at any age. *

My STBX husband for example is 55 years old and is still bicycling at a professional level (we’re talking speed/distance records). Young people draft in his wake (when they can catch him) all the time and, when/if they catch up to him to chat, are shocked to find out his age. He also mountain-bikes, kayak-fishes and is a published astro-photographer. All these things are hobbies BTW. *He is also completely grey-haired with a receding hairline but that doesn’t stop the 20+ year old female crowd from chasing him.*

If he can do it, so can you or, any man. It's time for you to step out of your social comfort zone, try new things and enjoy life. Your life is far from over.

P.S. I am sorry about your wife, it is devastating to be widowed at such a young age (yes, young).


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

BTW, I am 58 years old and also a life-long athlete like my STBX husband (described above). I cannot count the number of times I get “chatted up” by younger men while out and about on a daily basis. I live in southern California so everyone wears sunglasses all the time.

The catch is when I eventually take my sunglasses off during conversation and the younger man sees the crow’s feet around my eyes. Let’s just say the reactions are amusing … note, I don't laugh at the men because that would be unkind.

I suppose you could say that I'm an "old lady" that still has "it", as long as I cover my eyes.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Shockwave my man, take it from a guy 12 years your senior and an expert, or as close as you can get, on women. Find one 8-9 years younger and no more than 10 years younger. Believe me, its for your own good I telling you this.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Get thee to Scottsdale, AZ. Lots of single women your age and many have availed themselves of the fine surgical services of Scottsdale's finest knife handlers. They don't eat fried food. 

You are not going to find good looking women where you live friend. Too much lutefisk and cheese. A rich Arizona retired woman is what you need. You may have to kick out her 23 year old college boy toy, but that's okay. She will know you are in it for the long haul and give you all the sex you want.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think dirty old pig is an oversimplification. I'm married to a man 19 years older so I have some perspective on this. .. i find that men who make blanket statements about women their age not being attractive to them have a distorted view of how old they are and how good they look. On one hand you know you're 56 but on the other hand you don't see yourself this way.

Or they're just looking at too much old dude young women porn, but for arguments sake let's assume you're the former. 


You're asking for what you're not willing give: you want younger women to consider you but you're not even willing to consider women your age let alone older.

What exactly do you think these young women should see in you? Even if you got one it's likely she'd be looking for your money, because younger women are attracted to younger men. If you want to try to get one fvck you in exchange for spending some money on her knock yourself out but understand that you're never going have anything real and you're always going to compete with young men. 

So take some stock of what you really have to offer, if you're not in great shape hit the gym, and try a women in her 40's or early 50's that's also in great shape. 

FYI, I'm 41 and hb is 60, so I know a bit of what I speak.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Get thee to Scottsdale, AZ. Lots of single women your age and many have availed themselves of the fine surgical services of Scottsdale's finest knife handlers. They don't eat fried food.
> 
> You are not going to find good looking women where you live friend. Too much lutefisk and cheese. A rich Arizona retired woman is what you need. You may have to kick out her 23 year old college boy toy, but that's okay. She will know you are in it for the long haul and give you all the sex you want.


Ha ha, this made me laugh. I know the area well and know exactly what you're taking about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

It’s actually sort of therapeutic to read my own words; to see how shallow, selfish and insensitive I sound.

I thought about this some, last weekend, alone, up at my cabin in the Wisconsin northwoods. Honestly, I don’t want “a relationship” with anybody; just some casual, consensual sex would be nice. I suppose I could always “go the prostitute route”, but I’ve never done that. I wouldn’t even know how. Or, the other option seems to be simply to “go without”; based upon limitations I have imposed upon myself.
I’m not an ugly man. I have several nice cars and trucks, boats, property and so forth. I’ve managed to take care of myself reasonably well in spite of the aforementioned beers and fish fries. But I can sure see the point as to how younger women would see me in the tavern. A sad, lonely old man staring dejectedly into his beer, attempting to feign interest in women’s tennis on the big-screen teevee.

I’m going to take a break from fish fry night for a while. It just adds to my frustration. It’s funny; there’s a strip joint right next door to my local tavern. I’ve never been inside. Sometimes the gals who work the joint talk to me out in the parking lot, and tell me how I should come to see them.

I suppose it would be illogical to be fantasizing about them too, hey. They probably are just hoping I’ll cram an extra-large tip in their underwear.

Meanwhile, back to reality.

Thank you for reading my drivel.

Shockwave


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It sounds like you need to expand your dating options. Maybe even to online dating sites! Sure, enjoy your fish fry fantasy fest, but look for more appropriate - and more willing - women elsewhere. You are still too young to give up on a good relationship or even just a satisfying sex life, IMO.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Dude!
60 years old is perfectly fine... lets see, that's 3 20 years olds at once!
You can do it Forest!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes, the strip club gals are looking for money. And if you're going to use your money and stuff to try to convince a younger woman to have sex how's that different from a prostitute? 

Once again I ask why a younger woman should be attracted to you. I believe you when you say you're not an a ugly guy but clearly that's not enough because plenty of women your age aren't ugly either but that's no good for you. 

You want casual sex with a young woman. Now tell me what's in it for said young woman to get involved in that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> You want casual sex with a young woman. Now tell me what's in it for said young woman to get involved in that?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fulfillment of their kinky, weird sexual fantasies, hopefully.

No, you're right, there IS nothing for them. One good hard look at myself in the mirror told me that.

Like I said, "back to reality".

Shockwave


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Nothing wrong with wanting what you want - but as lifeistoshort asked, what are you bringing to the picture.

Long term relationships with a big age gap are probably a bad idea, but there is nothing wrong with fun dating as long as everyone is on the same page. 

As an older man (like me) you would need to rely on something other than your physical attributes to attract women. You need to think about what you are / what you know / what you can do that is attractive.

Age brings experience: I can think of dozens of fascinating places I could take a woman. Whether its a little-known waterfall in the mountains, or a place where they build glowing ice sculptures the size of buildings, the best ethnic restaurant in the area, or the last refuge of a long lost civilization. 

Age brings knowledge that can make you interesting: I enjoy talking about a wide range of subjects. My age brings viewpoints that are different from a younger person, and which can lead to interesting conversations. 

Age bring skills: In you life you learn to do many things: sail a boat, fly an airplane, ride a horse, play a musical instrument etc. 

Age brings wealth: Usually older people are more wealthy and can afford to do things that younger people may not otherwise have a chance to do.

Age brings style: Some women appreciate a "gentleman", appreciate the casual politeness and confidence that can come with age. 

Sex: while older men may not have the stamina of younger ones, they may have developed skills, and often have more patience and be more giving lovers than younger men. It will be some time before your date discovers this, but it will be a very nice discovery.



I'm not personally attracted to younger women - they are very pleasant to look at, but the "father / daughter" sense would be too strong for me to want to have sex with them.


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## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> .
> 
> I'm not personally attracted to younger women - they are very pleasant to look at, but the "father / daughter" sense would be too strong for me to want to have sex with them.


My wife and I met too late in life (she was 38, I was 32) to have children. That was her preference. So I don't have the "father / daughter" thing going on.

I'm a degreed electrical engineer with ten US patents. I'm not a dumb man.

Just too dumb to figure out life on my own.

Shockwave


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Are you looking for a relationship with a 20 something or just sex? I don't recommend pay as you go if you catch my drift. Further, what would entice a young woman to provide the goods?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ShockwaveRider said:


> Fulfillment of their kinky, weird sexual fantasies, hopefully.
> 
> No, you're right, there IS nothing for them. One good hard look at myself in the mirror told me that.
> 
> ...


It's one thing to be open to sex with much younger women. That hardly makes you unique and if opportunity presents itself by all means knock yourself out.

But the blanket statement about women your own age not interesting you tells me you have a really distorted view of where you are in life and how you probably look to others.

It seems like this is starting to occur to you so that's a good thing. I'd suspect a fear of aging and denial about how old you really are has a lot to do with it. And maybe too much porn.

And I really don't say this to be a b!tch (though I admit I sometimes lack a filter > ), I think you could really benefit from thinking about this. You probably could attract a decent woman a bit younger but you really need to be reasonable about what you're likely going to get if you don't want to pay for it.

And the casual sex bit makes it even MORE unlikely you'll snag a much younger woman; a woman that age simply looking for sex is looking for a hot young stud to pound the you know what out of her.....you might get one to look at you for the money and security you'd provide. But then we go back to the money thing, which starts to get close to the prostitute status you brought up.

I think you could in fact be very happy if you come to terms with what you have to offer and what kind of woman that can realistically attract.

Best of luck.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening. 
Confidence - its important!

If you are a EE you are probably not poor. Nothing wrong with providing a young woman a nice experience that she can't afford herself. Go on helicopter tours of your local city. Invite her to see shows, eat at fancy restaurants. Go to Las Vegas and stay at the Four Seasons (highly recommended), or Venice and stay at the Danieli. 

You are looking for someone who is happy to enjoy spending time with you, with sex included. The key is that you need to be an enjoyable person to spend time with. Are you?

You need the confidence to politely ask women and to deal with the 90% that will turn you down because 10% may be happy for that sort of arrangement. (for a short time).




ShockwaveRider said:


> My wife and I met too late in life (she was 38, I was 32) to have children. That was her preference. So I don't have the "father / daughter" thing going on.
> 
> I'm a degreed electrical engineer with ten US patents. I'm not a dumb man.
> 
> ...


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## ShockwaveRider (Jun 21, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Or they're just looking at too much old dude young women porn, but for arguments sake let's assume you're the former.


No.

No porn.

Only have internet access at work so porn is N/A.

Even posting on TAM is "risky".

I'm over it now, thanks.

Shockwave


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ShockwaveRider said:


> No.
> 
> No porn.
> 
> ...


Glad to hear it. Now you can find a nice attractive lady that's a good match for you. You'll be much happier.

If you don't run I highly recommend you take it up and join groups. I'm a runner and all the single people are looking, and most are in very good shape. Lots of divorced 40 and 50 somethings in great shape.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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