# Expose an Affair to the Spouse?



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

If you became aware of an A involving a good friend or family member, would you tell the Spouse?

In my case it was a best friend from HS who moved away for college/career. Everytime he was back in town visiting he would call me to go out. The premise was always to go to a quiet place for a meal/drinks and get caught up on work, family, etc.

Instead it always turned out to be a ***** hunt for him at a bar. He is married. At first it was only slightly annoying but degraded into problems for me. For example, we would arrive at 1 place, I would order a drink, take 1 sip, and then he wants to leave because his target is leaving to go to a different place. After 2 or 3 times I got upset after wasting $7 drinks. And the whole purpose was for us to talk and catch up, not play "pick-up artist and wingman". He also started using me to lie about where he was staying overnight to his W and to use my CC to hide his payments to the clinic numerous times for VD testing/Treatment.

I finally said enough and threatened to call his wife and fill her in on his activities. We haven't spoken since and that was years ago. He has been married/divorced 3 times.


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## checkmate1 (Aug 24, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> If you became aware of an A involving a good friend or family member, would you tell the Spouse?
> 
> In my case it was a best friend from HS who moved away for college/career. Everytime he was back in town visiting he would call me to go out. The premise was always to go to a quiet place for a meal/drinks and get caught up on work, family, etc.
> 
> ...



SO immediately my first thought is 'why does she want to tell her now? Years later? Why didnt she tell her then?'

There is a reason so what is it? why would you let him use your CC to lie to his wife/your friend? Something doesn't add up here imo.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

For those less literal, let me repost:

If you just became aware that your family member or good friend was cheating on their spouse and using you to cover their A activities to your detriment, would you inform the spouse? Or would you approach the WS first and ask him to change his ways?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

No point in confrontation unless you have solid proof, and more than one piece of it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Someone who uses me as cover for their own bad behavior is not my friend. I'd tell the spouse, assuming I had solid proof and not just a suspicion.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Kinda sounds like you were a willing wingman for a stretch there.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Being a cheap bastard that I am ...there is no way I would dump by drink and in addition never hangout with the POS again.

I would never cover for a cheater, so indirectly I would be telling the BS, that their m was in trouble.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I'd never be in that situation. My friends know I'd kick their a$$ 10 ways to Sunday if I found out they were having an affair.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

MAJDEATH said:


> For those less literal, let me repost:
> 
> If you just became aware that your family member or good friend was cheating on their spouse and using you to cover their A activities to your detriment, would you inform the spouse? Or would you approach the WS first and ask him to change his ways?


I would speak to the Disloyal "acquaintance" first and say: "I am not going to be ANY PART of infidelity. If we have set a time to get together, I expect it to be only for the two of us to get together and nothing else. I will no longer be your wingman or your alibi for adultery. I encourage you to put that amount of energy into your own wife! And if you will not, leave me out of it. If you use me again, I'll tell your wife the truth. I will NOT be part of your deception. Do you need a referral to a good marriage counselor?"

THE END. 

Then every time I saw them thereafter, I would harp on them about returning to their marriage, honoring their vows, and spending that energy on their wife!

Furthermore, any day that they tried to use me for an excuse or an alibi, that's it: I'd expose to the wife with every bit of evidence I had at my disposal so that it's CLEAR what has been going on. 

After that, it's up to her to decide what she's going to do. I wouldn't push her for reconciliation or divorce, nor would I "get on her side" or help or any of that. Even if I utterly disagreed with her decision, it's HER marriage and HER life to do with as she pleases. Hey for all you know, she approves of his behavior and they have an open marriage!


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