# Lost cause?



## jenl79 (Mar 17, 2012)

I want to strangle my husband. I'm only half joking. I don't know what to do anymore. I just wish he would grow up and be the man I want him to be - to be a good husband and father and to provide for us. He is too stuck on all of his "mommy" issues and won't get past them long enough to motivate himself to do something with his life. How much longer should I wait?! He was supposed to be in school but got financial aid messed up and I don't even know if he'll be able to do another term. He says he wants to & had *me* sign him up for classes but I highly doubt he's going to be motivated enough to do it. I've been a single parent before and while I'd have to start over again since I'm a SAHM now, I could do it again, in time. I'm at the point where I don't feel the same way about him - I'm not in love with him anymore and hate our marriage & family life. I think things would be much easier if I didn't have to parent him as well as my kids. Truly, I just want him to understand where I am coming from and grow up & change.. but I have little faith that it's going to happen. I've TRIED time and TIME again to explain to him how I feel, even mention how we need to go out on a date.. but still nothing but little changes before he's back to normal. How much is too much? I know I'm not the only one going through this.. what do you do to *make* (I know you can't, really) someone change? At what point do you call it quits? I really wish he would be that person he was, who I thought he was without the risk of being seperated only to never work things out. I don't want my kids to grow up in 2 homes but I don't want them to think they should stay in an unhappy marriage, either. Advice, please. I'm begging.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Sometimes it's best to put your thoughts in words in a letter and give it to him. Sit with him while he reads it. Describe your feelings, what you want out of the relationship and the outcomes of your current situation . Sit with him while he reads the letter and invite him to wait a day before he responds. Ask him to write his thoughts down. Doing it this way helps focus the mind. After the words are written and read then discuss . Keep to a tight agenda of the present and the future , avoid discussing past issues. This is a one time chance for both of you to work on a way forward . If both of you are not fully committed to a plan or action of enhancing the marriage then the reality of seperation has to be discussed. 

An unhappy marriage is not what you or your husband want. It will be ever so easy to try keep a unforfulling marriage together but this will inevitably come back to same position you are in now. Do remember divorce can be unpleasant as well often more so than the effort required to improve the marriage.
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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

A further suggestion for yourself is to be totally honest in your words. If you don't believe your husband can cut it furthering his education or if it is better for him to be focusing on work and family then say so. If he chooses to throw this back in your face stating it is to better both your futures to carry on as is then you have your answers. There are many ways to add to ones skills and a lot of folk do this while working and looking after their families at the same time.

Marriage requires intimacy and ongoing proactive involvement . 

As a gift buy him the book "his needs, her needs" by Harley it helps set the scene for a wife and husbands relationship needs.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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