# husband left me..need advice.. (long)



## brighteyes2121 (Jan 29, 2011)

Well, I joined the site recently.. Been reading other peoples posts, and replies.. wanting to post something on here, Its just such a long story.. So please bear with me here.. We’ve been together for.. 3 ½ years? And married about a year and a half.. lived together almost our entire relationship. We recently split, he left me for his ex, he’d been going behind my back with her.. so heres the story. 

We had been having a rough patch for a few months, unemployment.. depression.. He wanted to go out drinking with our roommate. So they took the roommates truck and left his car, so I went out with my sister in law and came home later and discovered his car was gone.. so when I got back, I asked him about it, thinking it was stolen, or something. He just kept giving me answers like “Why are you asking me that?” and “what?” and saying “oh I figured you would have noticed it was gone when you left.” Trying to make me believe that it was gone in the first place. 

So he stops replying to me, so I called the roommate and he pretty much just lied to me. “oh.. uhm.. He is in the bathroom, I’ll have him call you..” sorta thing. And hung up pretty quickly. So I couldn’t get answers out of him, or out of my husband. So I was starting to worry. Not knowing where he was, if he had gotten pulled over, or in a wreck.. being the worry wart that I am. So our roommate finally comes out about 5am.. telling me “okay I’ll be honest with you.. we were at the bar, and “husband” asked me to bring him back to the house to get his car so he could go meet a friend from out of town.. they wanted to go to a strip club. “husbands” phone was off.. I was up all night worrying.. so my sis in law was at the house with me, because she knew how upset I was and she didn’t want me to be alone. 

So about noon the next day, husband texts me and says “Omg baby I am so sorry, “so and so” was in town, I fell asleep hanging out at his friends house.” and I asked him why his phone was off, it obviously hadn’t died because if it had he wouldn’t have been able to turn it back on then and text me from it that day. Anyway, I told him he needed to come home, because our marriage was in jeapordy and we needed to talk. (the ex girl friend in question- was also “gone” from her home that night also.. (we are friends with her roommate) Husband told me he was still hanging out, and he wasn’t ready to come home yet, he wanted to hang out longer.. He didn’t show up until 9pm that night.. 

So I was pretty upset when he told me he would come home when he was ready. I went to my brothers house. My sister in law drove back by the house to check and see if he had gotten back yet, and happened to drive by just as he was walking up to the house. He ended up turning it around saying “well I was just having fun, something we hardly ever do anymore!” so when I got home that night, he was upset, didn’t want to talk (he never does) I got his shower ready, clothes for work, made the bed, got his medicine ready.. he just seemed so upset. A friend of ours had told him (the ex’s roommate) that he was a liar, and a cheat and they didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.. so I don’t know if he was upset about that, he just seemed like he really wanted to tell me something but he wouldn’t. We just went to bed early. 

Next day he came home for lunch kissing me, acting like everything was fine. I of course was distant.. same thing the next day. But when he came home for work, after dinner we were playing a game we play, and I said “so I think its time we talked.. “talk about what.. I fell asleep at a friends.. nothing more” And I really wanted to believe him, but we have been through this before, he’s gone behind my back before.. and I don’t know why he would have our roommate lie for him, and pretend he’d taken his car at the beginning.. and disappearing. (I would have loved to see the certain friend who came into town, and go to the strip club if that’s what was going on! He knows I would have!) so he didn’t want to talk. I kept pushing the issue. Because he was obviously upset, and wasn’t volunteering anything. We were supposed to go to counseling before, but he was refusing now.. so I just asked him if he didn’t want to be married anymore.. and he said no he didn’t think so. So I just asked “you want a divorce?” and he said yeah. A few more words were thrown.. of course of anger and such. But he basically said he had never stopped loving the ex, mentioned before.. so he left.. came back later, I was in tears. He was with his brother, and husband was being a total jerk. Looking at me, “you don’t look happy to see me” “whats wrong?” etc etc. just rude things like that. Laughing, trying to demand me to help him find things he wants to take.. just acting totally carefree. 

Anyway, so he left, my sis in law came over.. I was totally destroyed. Bawling uncontrollably. She told me I could stay with her, So I took a few things over to her place. A few days past. I found out from some friends that he’d been off with the ex, apparently doing drugs.. when I asked him about it, he’d admitted to being with her, but wouldn’t admit to the drugs. (drugs have been a problem before, yes) few more days past.. he was being a total jerk to me. He was angry that I was in contact with his parents letting them know what was going on. I asked him if he was wanting to reconcile. He said he didn’t think it would work. We met up in person, I told him that I wanted to work it out with him, he was my husband. And I loved him. He pretty much fed me bs. Saying that he wanted a fresh start, I told him that she was not a fresh start for him. He told me she had nothing to do with it. She had nothing to do with him leaving. I was crying, he was crying. He kissed me.. said a lot more stuff. I left and went back home, broken hearted.. more time passed.. a little over a week after we’d split, he changed his facebook status to “in a relationship” with her.. we bought a house together, so since I had been staying home taking care of him.. I didn’t have a job, or money to keep the house. So he said he would keep it, he moved his “girlfriend” in about 2 weeks after we had split.. he finally admitted he’d been meeting her for “lunch” while we were together. He still wont says he cheated, even though I feel like even if he was JUST having lunch with her, which I doubt. He knew how I felt about her, she’d been trying to get in between us since we got together. And he led me to believe that he couldn’t stand her for trying to get involved in our marriage. Awful part was, she was seeing somebody, and according to him, she had been seeing my husband, and a few other guys on the side also. =/ 

I was staying with my brother, now I’ve moved in with my dad.. this is an awful situation. I am just thankful that we don’t have children to drag through this.. I love him.. I didn’t want a divorce. 


So long story short, he left me for her.. admitted he’d been meeting her, within a few days he was already around friends with her, I kept hearing about them “making out on so and so’s couch” and “I caught them in my bed” just days after we split. Then she was living in my house. 

I guess I’m just looking for some advice.. comments.. I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m not blameless in our marriage. Nobody’s perfect. We had a lot of stress in our lives, and the last few months had just been really rough. We’ve had trust issues before with him talking to women, and ex’s behind my back. I feel totally betrayed. And I’m sure there’s more I could say.. but I’ll cut it off here. Feel free to ask questions, I’ll answer them.. I don’t feel I deserved what he’s done to me. I have been there for him and supported him. I loved him, and I still do. And I’m sorry this post has been so long. thanks for reading it if you've stuck it out this long..


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Loving him is like a curse in your life. Only pain and heartache you can get.
You're in love with a wrong person who gave you little care and respect. The problem is all your life depending on him. You don't have kids why can't you get a job?
It's a better idea to stand out for yourself. Be independent and confident because the more you look clingy and pathetic, the faster your husband would run away from you... plus, he's not in love with you since the beginning of the relationship.
I don't really understand why he would propose to a woman whom he doesn't really love or care about.
Probably, he's lonely and the ex wasn't responsive, so he let you fill in the gap of his loneliness. 
You deserve a better man who cherishes your love and respects you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighteyes2121 (Jan 29, 2011)

No no, I wasn’t unemployed the entire time we’ve been together. I made just as much money as he did, so I wasn’t depending on him. I only became unemployed a few months ago. And so did he. Rough economy here. I don’t believe that the entire time we were together he wasn’t in love with me. He broke up with his ex before he met me, then when he met me he came after me. So I don’t think it was anything about her being unresponsive. They had already broken up by the time I met him. And I know we have had issues, but the majority of our relationship was great, he was great. I don’t know this cold person that he’s turned into. 

I don’t believe he had an issue loving me, like I said the majority of our relationship was great. I think that when the going got rough, (us becoming unemployed and having financial issues) I just think that he wasn’t ready to.. commit his life to me. I do believe he loved me, he “says he still does” but isn’t showing it. Life wasn’t as “fun” after marriage, and he wasn’t mature enough to handle it, or wasn’t ready to, not sure which. I have also wondered to myself why he asked me to marry him. I mean he went to my dad, and got permission, the whole shabang, asked me on Christmas in front of the entire family.. =/ so the majority of our relationship was great. Just seems like when it came down to it.. he wasn’t as serious about his vows as I was =( thank you for your reply


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