# What's your ideal frequency in your mind, not your spouse's.



## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.

Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?

There's been threads with a variety of opinions, let's get focused information.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

CountryMike said:


> What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.
> 
> Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?
> 
> There's been threads with a variety of opinions, let's get focused information.


2 - 3 times per week would be good for me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

At 58, a couple of times a week would do the job... not that I'll get the chance of a wife again.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I also favor 2-3 times a week. 

I actually do not want daily sex as it becomes routine, no time to build anticipation, etc...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

14+/week.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Limiting it to your SO seems restrictive.
> My mind really doesn't dictate that schedule. It's somewhere south of that.
> My best answer is:
> It varies depending on the quality of the interaction.


Hey, that's a perfectly good answer too.

And it really does.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Limiting it to your SO seems restrictive.
> My mind really doesn't dictate that schedule. It's somewhere south of that.
> My best answer is:
> It varies depending on the quality of the interaction.


What do you mean, limiting it to you SO?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My ideal would be 6 to 9, and reality is 4 to 7, so there's a good match between the two most of the time. I'm getting older, so 10 to 14 (which used to be my ideal _and_ my reality) is now an unrealistic fantasy. <sigh>


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Well ideal sexual frequency would be a whole different question for folks with more than one sexual partner.


I would say the majority here are either married or in a committed relationship, so with one person.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

At 56, my ideal number would be 4-5x per week. Reality for me is 1-2


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Zero is good for me.
(Female 56 who used to have a high drive)


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Depends on how flirty my wife has been that week. It just all depends.... on vacation? Wore a bikini this week? Said something naughty? Wore that little thing I like? How much shower play time did we have? Did I just come back from a long overseas trip? Am I about to go on a long overseas trip? Is she ovulating?

it just depends......


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

If it's high quality sex, 9 times a week would be close to the perfect number for me.

If there is low quality sex sprinkled in, then 5 times a week would be good. Need a longer reloading time when my wife would prefer NOT revving me up. 

For now, I'm averaging 5-6 times a week. I'm overjoyed, especially since my wife reinvigorated her sex drive from the way it was early on in our relationship. I feel like where I'm at right now is a perfect compromise and am very satisfied with what I have.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Once a day during the week and twice on the weekend.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Well ideal sexual frequency would be a whole different question for folks with more than one sexual partner.


Not excluding any opinions. 
So, including those without just one sexual partner, too, same question. What's your mental ideal number or range?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Oh dear--at 59yo I like variety. Sometimes I like once a week...other times I like once a day! I think an average of about 2 or 3 times a week is perfect for me, because I do like a little anticipation.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

CountryMike said:


> Not excluding any opinions.
> So, including those without just one sexual partner, too, same question. What's your mental ideal number or range?


My _ideal_ would not change much if at all, and did not when I had another partner - I was usually at my happy limit. After all, there is a maximum comfortable number of encounters one can have consistently each week. These days, I _might_ be able to add one or two times per week if adding another partner (this may happen soon, actually), but a lot would depend on proximity and scheduling.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

My ideal would be every day, 7 a week. I'm actually quite happy with the 3-5 we do have and honestly, at 50, I'm not 100% sure if I really could do every day, week after week, but I would love to try.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> I wouldn't want to throw someone out of the discussion for failing to be a member of the "majority".
> While I am with one person, and married, I am certainly not in a committed relationship. Just a legal one.
> - not in the majority


So you are married but not committed.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> My ideal would be every day, 7 a week. I'm actually quite happy with the 3-5 we do have and honestly, at 50, I'm not 100% sure if I really could do every day, week after week, but I would love to try.


That’s the spirit, BigDaddy! Give it the ol’ college try! 😂

let your wife know you’ll never know the limit to your potential until you try.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Well ideal sexual frequency would be a whole different question for folks with more than one sexual partner.


Would it? Wouldn't they still want it as often on a weekly basis, just with more than one person?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CountryMike said:


> What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.
> 
> Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?


I once polled folks here at TAM about what constitutes a sexual encounter and someone said that anything other than PIV probably does not really count as sex. Based on that I'll assume your question excludes one-sided sessions of oral or manual stimulation to climax as well as mutual self gratification. This would also exclude all forms of teasing and foreplay as well for qualifying as a sexual encounter if the moment is limited to that and does not include PIV.

Because I enjoy my wife cultivating and being playful with my desire at rather high levels which includes primarily the things above that should be excluded, your question confuses me. If I excluded all those things and only went for PIV, then it would no longer be enjoyable without a high frequency of the non-qualifying events that I enjoy as much if not more than PIV. 

I'm confused and unable to answer the question...


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

badsanta said:


> I once polled folks here at TAM about what constitutes a sexual encounter and someone said that anything other than PIV probably does not really count as sex. Based on that I'll assume your question excludes one-sided sessions of oral or manual stimulation to climax as well as mutual self gratification. This would also exclude all forms of teasing and foreplay as well for qualifying as a sexual encounter if the moment is limited to that and does not include PIV.
> 
> Because I enjoy my wife cultivating and being playful with my desire at rather high levels which includes primarily the things above that should be excluded, your question confuses me. If I excluded all those things and only went for PIV, then it would no longer be enjoyable without a high frequency of the non-qualifying events that I enjoy as much if not more than PIV.
> 
> I'm confused and unable to answer the question...


If my penis makes an appearance and my wife touches it in any way, its sex!


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Affaircare said:


> Oh dear--at 50yo I like variety. Sometimes I like once a week...other times I like once a day! I think an average of about 2 or 3 times a week is perfect for me, because I do like a little anticipation.


I have found that it does indeed vary due to what we're doing through the week but I can't remember any recent times it's been under four times a week.

We also pre plan a few days regularly when we know we'll be alone unless we go out. So we're casually running around naked and comfortable for whatever. I truly like empty nest time.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

badsanta said:


> I once polled folks here at TAM about what constitutes a sexual encounter and someone said that anything other than PIV probably does not really count as sex. Based on that I'll assume your question excludes one-sided sessions of oral or manual stimulation to climax as well as mutual self gratification. This would also exclude all forms of teasing and foreplay as well for qualifying as a sexual encounter if the moment is limited to that and does not include PIV.
> 
> Because I enjoy my wife cultivating and being playful with my desire at rather high levels which includes primarily the things above that should be excluded, your question confuses me. If I excluded all those things and only went for PIV, then it would no longer be enjoyable without a high frequency of the non-qualifying events that I enjoy as much if not more than PIV.
> 
> I'm confused and unable to answer the question...


My question doesn't exclude one sided sexual acts, but all inclusive like even if one was handing out oral, hand jobs; any spouse, or spouse and friends (for those who say they have multiple partners).


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Would it? Wouldn't they still want it as often on a weekly basis, just with more than one person?


Interesting thought, but I’m not so sure, BigDaddy.

I’m a one and only to my wife and my drive is still high up there. I can definitely reload quickly and want it all the time.

however, if I did have multiple partners, I know for sure I could go more. I’d be pushing cc numbers for sure. 14+. It would be no issue at all to have a round with one woman earlier in the day and be just as excited to have another go with another woman later on. The variety would reload the gun much faster.

all hypothetical of course. I would never do this. I’m saying from the standpoint of giving into my animalistic instincts.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> My ideal would be every day, 7 a week. I'm actually quite happy with the 3-5 we do have and honestly, at 50, I'm not 100% sure if I really could do every day, week after week, but I would love to try.


You could. I've had periods where I've realized we've had sex every day or more for the last two weeks and wondered same. Then I quit thinking about it because to worry is stress that's unnecessary.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CountryMike said:


> My question doesn't exclude one sided sexual acts, but all inclusive like even if one was handing out oral, hand jobs; any spouse, or spouse and friends (for those who say they have multiple partners).


What about talking dirty to one another and no physical contact like sexting? If that is the case and that is included, I guess I would frame it up as a "session" in which it is hard for me to tell where one session ends and the other begins. 

In my marriage I guess sex work like a mixing board with volume knobs that we both playfully crank up and down depending on our schedules. My wife likes to toy with hitting the mute button on my libido, but at the same time she very well knows that that is what gets me going.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

21 times a week.


Just kidding.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

CountryMike said:


> What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.
> 
> Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?
> 
> There's been threads with a variety of opinions, let's get focused information.


Not less than 5 when genuinely busy and more when off work. Started at around 15 per week and carried on with no children for three and half years. Children changed that but quality and duration went better.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Cici1990 said:


> 21 times a week.
> 
> 
> Just kidding.


An over-achiever 👍👍👍!!


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

MaiChi said:


> Not less than 5


This is what I thought would be the average, in my own little mind as a general populace number.

Mine is 9, but can be a little more or less.

What I'm seeing is there's an average typical, yes, but there's not a real "normal" because what works for each is their normal, and that's the most important thing.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

badsanta said:


> What about talking dirty to one another and no physical contact like sexting? If that is the case and that is included, I guess I would frame it up as a "session" in which it is hard for me to tell where one session ends and the other begins.
> 
> In my marriage I guess sex work like a mixing board with volume knobs that we both playfully crank up and down depending on our schedules. My wife likes to toy with hitting the mute button on my libido, but at the same time she very well knows that that is what gets me going.


I'd say yes, that could count for you. 
This is about simple answers, not creation of obstacles to prevent answering. 

To point out - this isn't about being nosy, obviously anyone who isn't comfortable with sharing please don't, and not everyone will be at ease in sharing that's certainly ok. Goes without saying.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

CountryMike said:


> An over-achiever 👍👍👍!!


I just wanted to say a higher number than @ccpowerslave.

In reality And when I’m not pregnant, 5-7 times.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Cici1990 said:


> I just wanted to say a higher number than @ccpowerslave.
> 
> In reality And when I’m not pregnant, 5-7 times.


Lol !!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> I just wanted to say a higher number than @ccpowerslave.
> 
> In reality And when I’m not pregnant, 5-7 times.


Every once in a while I wonder if I am slowing down and I couldn’t really hang with 2x+ a day but I think it’d still be no problem.

I did fail on Sunday because I was already sleeping when my wife came to bed. Had we not had sex in the morning I probably would have forced myself to stay up or dragged her to the bedroom but I guess I was already satiated. Sad.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

badsanta said:


> I once polled folks here at TAM about what constitutes a sexual encounter and someone said that anything other than PIV probably does not really count as sex. Based on that I'll assume your question excludes one-sided sessions of oral or manual stimulation to climax as well as mutual self gratification. This would also exclude all forms of teasing and foreplay as well for qualifying as a sexual encounter if the moment is limited to that and does not include PIV.
> 
> Because I enjoy my wife cultivating and being playful with my desire at rather high levels which includes primarily the things above that should be excluded, your question confuses me. If I excluded all those things and only went for PIV, then it would no longer be enjoyable without a high frequency of the non-qualifying events that I enjoy as much if not more than PIV.
> 
> I'm confused and unable to answer the question...


It's all sex. I hate to destroy the erstwhile virgins' delusion that it isn't, but...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Every once in a while I wonder if I am slowing down and I couldn’t really hang with 2x+ a day but I think it’d still be no problem.
> 
> I did fail on Sunday because I was already sleeping when my wife came to bed. Had we not had sex in the morning I probably would have forced myself to stay up or dragged her to the bedroom but I guess I was already satiated. Sad.


Being satiated is not sad. It's the goal of most people, CCP.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Every once in a while I wonder if I am slowing down and I couldn’t really hang with 2x+ a day but I think it’d still be no problem.
> 
> I did fail on Sunday because I was already sleeping when my wife came to bed. Had we not had sex in the morning I probably would have forced myself to stay up or dragged her to the bedroom but I guess I was already satiated. Sad.


Right now I want it morning, noon, and night.2-3 times a day and I still want more.

But normally, once a day is perfectly good with me. I also tend to pleasure myself once a day or just about. It’s not that I couldn’t have sex more than once a day on a regular basis but I feel like I’m satisfied with once a day and have better things to do with the rest of my free time. Believe it or not, I don’t think sex is the greatest thing in the world. There are even some things that physically feel better to me as well and don’t leave me nearly as sweaty, covered in various other bodily fluids, and in need of a shower afterward.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Being satiated is not sad. It's the goal of most people, CCP.


Yeah I know... It’s just when she came in all bubbly and woke me up and says, “Are you sleeping?” and the answer is yes because I am actually tired and I know she is going to stay up working until 1:30am and doesn’t necessarily want to be seducing my half-awake self I feel like I let 25 year old unlimited energy version of myself down.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

MaiChi said:


> Not less than 5 when genuinely busy and more when off work. Started at around 15 per week and carried on with no children for three and half years. Children changed that but quality and duration went better.


My heroine!!
There could not be a more healthy and emotionally mature answer than this!

Bear in mind I have no authority or certification to approve 😎😎😎, but to my simple mind in sexual relationships this is the best.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> Right now I want it morning, noon, and night.2-3 times a day and I still want more.
> 
> But normally, once a day is perfectly good with me. I also tend to pleasure myself once a day or just about. It’s not that I couldn’t have sex more than once a day on a regular basis but I feel like I’m satisfied with once a day and have better things to do with the rest of my free time. Believe it or not, I don’t think sex is the greatest thing in the world. There are even some things that physically feel better to me as well and don’t leave me nearly as sweaty, covered in various other bodily fluids, and in need of a shower afterward.


Agreed on most of this.

A lot of my other behaviors that competed with sex like self-care, drinking to excess, and drugs at all (gone but not forgotten) I left in the rear view.

So I’m saying with no self care and porn I want it 2x usually morning and night but if my wife was wearing something hot during the day I am not opposed to trying for more especially on the weekends.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Affaircare said:


> Oh dear--at 50yo I like variety. Sometimes I like once a week...other times I like once a day! I think an average of about 2 or 3 times a week is perfect for me, because I do like a little anticipation.


Spot on. Building a little flirty tension in the mind turns up the fire. We tend to try and keep that going. At 30plus years together you have to do what you can. 👌


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Agreed on most of this.
> 
> A lot of my other behaviors that competed with sex like self-care, drinking to excess, and drugs at all (gone but not forgotten) I left in the rear view.
> 
> So I’m saying with no self care and porn I want it 2x usually morning and night but if my wife was wearing something hot during the day I am not opposed to trying for more especially on the weekends.


For me, I have to masturbate. I love it. It’s totally a different thing than sex. If I stopped with the self-care I don’t think I’d suddenly desire real sex any more than I already do. It’s like 2 separate types of desire for me. If I want to masturbate, that is specifically what I want to do and I don’t want anybody interrupting me or trying to turn it into an actual sex session.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Cici1990 said:


> For me, I have to masturbate. I love it. It’s totally a different thing than sex. If I stopped with the self-care I don’t think I’d suddenly desire real sex any more than I already do. It’s like 2 separate types of desire for me. If I want to masturbate, that is specifically what I want to do and I don’t want anybody interrupting me or trying to turn it into an actual sex session.


That’s interesting. Since you desire both, I’m curious as to what turns you on to masturbation. Do you still think about your partner? Is it that kind of thing that gets your desire going, or is masturbation totally different?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah I know... It’s just when she came in all bubbly and woke me up and says, “Are you sleeping?” and the answer is yes because I am actually tired and I know she is going to stay up working until 1:30am and doesn’t necessarily want to be seducing my half-awake self I feel like I let 25 year old unlimited energy version of myself down.


Don't want her getting restless...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Don't want her getting restless...


Haha wouldn’t that be a real pickle!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Haha wouldn’t that be a real pickle!


Yeah. Get her all used to frequent sex. You've created a monster. You have to feed it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)




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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CountryMike said:


> Not excluding any opinions.
> So, including those without just one sexual partner, too, same question. What's your mental ideal number or range?


Single. 2 or 3 times a week without just one sexual partner


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CountryMike said:


> I'd say yes, that could count for you.
> This is about simple answers, not creation of obstacles to prevent answering.


I to totally agree but when you stop and think, there are no simple answers. The oversimplification of sexual intimacy is what tends to make it problematic. To many a higher frequency means less quality and a lower frequency often relates to higher quality. A less is more kind-of-thing. Then there is the length of each sexual encounter. I once polled TAM to discover the following. 

Couple A) has sex once a week and for an elaborate session lasting for three hours of intense lovemaking.
Couple B) has sex five times a week with each session being simple and quick lasting no more than fifteen minutes.

I would argue that couple A) is having twice as much sex and much better sex than compared to couple B) based on the total amount of time per week spent having sex. So you may want to include the "length" of each sexual encounter as part of your query and you may find that very enlightening. 

I am not shy about my details, but I am trying to make you think about the question you asked. 

Badsanta


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

badsanta said:


> I to totally agree but when you stop and think, there are no simple answers. The oversimplification of sexual intimacy is what tends to make it problematic. To many a higher frequency means less quality and a lower frequency often relates to higher quality. A less is more kind-of-thing. Then there is the length of each sexual encounter. I once polled TAM to discover the following.
> 
> Couple A) has sex once a week and for an elaborate session lasting for three hours of intense lovemaking.
> Couple B) has sex five times a week with each session being simple and quick lasting no more than fifteen minutes.
> ...


Wow, I prefer long sex sessions but I think even I’d get bored with 3 hours!!!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

At 50 my ideal frequency for shared sex¹ would be 10-12x a week, inclusive of masturbating myself at around 2-3x a week.

While the current reality for me with my almost 51 year old wife, for shared sex is most often at a frequency of 6-9x a week (with 4-6x of that being on the weekend), with masturbation for me being at around 3-5x a week (mostly on weekdays).



Although there are some weeks, mostly when my wife has her usual monthly (for the moment fortnightly) RDO, or when we are on holidays. When we still manage a shared sex frequency of 11-14x a week, with masturbation for me being at around 1-2x a week.

At the lower end when we have a week that is limited through the demands of other external activities. We share sex at 4-6x a week, with my self masturbating at 4-8x a week.

There was also a significant dip to around 4-7x a week of shared sex (and I was fine with that), when we were in our early thirties, As a consequence of work demands and having young kids as well. Yet our late 30s saw things improve significantly.



That said I have no doubt my ideal frequency will decrease over time, fortunately I haven't had any sexual problems so far. Since when I was in my late teens through my twenties, my ideal was 14-18x a week of shared sex. And I usually had that frequency and occasionally even higher, when in ongoing sexual relationships. Including with my wife, ex-wife and a few others back then.

One thing for sure at this age I don't think I would settle for a shared sex frequency, of 3x a week or less as the norm with my wife. Without ending our relationship and seeking sex elsewhere, or carrying on with her and seeking sex elsewhere to try to meet the shortfall.

I figure if I live past 70, I will be doing well, to enjoy some form of shared sex at 2-3x a week after that. Of which the fact that I had grandparents who were still sharing sex in their 80s, tells me that it is possible.



Also since @badsanta mentioned time taken. Morning sex for us tends to be around 15-30 minutes, daytime and evening sex at home or in accommodation tends to be around 40-80 minutes, while outdoor sex as opportunity presents (with no-one around) tends to be at around 5-15 minutes.



¹ _Shared sex for my wife and I mostly sees us at least share penis in vagina sex, plus penis in rectum sex and oral sex as well. While standalone oral sex for either of us is fairly infrequent (since it usually turns into all of the rest). Although it does happen from time to time, and is usually done on request._


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

*What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.*

10-15 encounters/week personal opinion now. Anything less than 5 would be a disappointment for both of us, we love the bonding. The "ideal" has changed up and down many times, has been as low as 2-3 and as high as it is now over our long marriage but we have always been nearly on the "same page", whoever was on the low side always put in an effort to match whichever was the higher drive.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> That’s the spirit, BigDaddy! Give it the ol’ college try! 😂
> 
> let your wife know you’ll never know the limit to your potential until you try.


We've been on vacation since this past weekend and I've been managing to do two a day without a problem, so maybe 1 daily goal isn't too far fetched!


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> We've been on vacation since this past weekend and I've been managing to do two a day without a problem, so maybe 1 daily goal isn't too far fetched!


great job! Dream big! Put in some stretch goals and give it 110% effort! 😂


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> great job! Dream big! Put in some stretch goals and give it 110% effort! 😂


It’s hard I was 5/5 for this month and then failed yesterday, wife preferred working until 1:30am.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> It’s hard I was 5/5 for this month and then failed yesterday, wife preferred working until 1:30am.


Cc, you are on another level. Stop speaking so I don’t feel bad about myself. Ok? Thanks! 😂😂😂


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

southbound said:


> That’s interesting. Since you desire both, I’m curious as to what turns you on to masturbation. Do you still think about your partner? Is it that kind of thing that gets your desire going, or is masturbation totally different?


I think I want to masturbate when I feel a very strong physical desire, and by that I mean a feeling I get “down there” without really much emotional thought behind it. It’s more like a physical need. Sometimes I think about my husband or imagine an actual recent experience we had together, sometimes I just watch porn, sometimes I fantasize about one of my crushes.

When I want real sex it’s more a mind/body desire.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Cc, you are on another level. Stop speaking so I don’t feel bad about myself. Ok? Thanks! 😂😂😂


Lol my level is not where I want to be. It’s hard to stay hungry though and double down on my efforts. This weekend will be a big test for me.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Cici1990 said:


> For me, I have to masturbate. I love it. It’s totally a different thing than sex. If I stopped with the self-care I don’t think I’d suddenly desire real sex any more than I already do. It’s like 2 separate types of desire for me. If I want to masturbate, that is specifically what I want to do and I don’t want anybody interrupting me or trying to turn it into an actual sex session.


that is interesting. I am the exact opposite. It’s actually one of my big turn-ons for my wife to come in and interrupt me and say something like “mind if I take over?”

f*ck yes I want you to take over!

its only happened a few times in 20 years, but damn…. Some of my fondest memories


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Lol my level is not where I want to be. It’s hard to stay hungry though and double down on my efforts. This weekend will be a big test for me.


I’m talking more about your insane schedule. I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I consider myself fit, but not super fit. I’m very active with riding my mountain bike on hard, dirt/rock trails 3-4 times a week for 2 hours a pop. I work hard at my job. I play with my kids. I am now getting my fulfillment of sex almost on the daily.

I hate mornings. I hate waking up. It takes me a good while to be awake at work. I’m much more of an afternoon/night person. However, I’ll NEVER be doing work for my job at 1:30am! When I go home for the day, that’s it. My job doesn’t exist until the next day. I’m on my free time, baby!
So yeah, mornings. Being awake at 4am to go for a jog? F That!!!! Lol. Even if I was awake, my knees wouldn’t be able to take that pounding (I’m not a runner).


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> that is interesting. I am the exact opposite. It’s actually one of my big turn-ons for my wife to come in and interrupt me and say something like “mind if I take over?”
> 
> f*ck yes I want you to take over!
> 
> its only happened a few times in 20 years, but damn…. Some of my fondest memories


My husband knows the look I give him if he interrupts me and he knows to leave me alone. Sometimes he’ll come in and I’ll be laying in bed doing my thing and he’ll start talking to me or something and I’ll have to flat out say “Hey, I’m masturbating here, leave me alone!”


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Cici1990 said:


> Wow, I prefer long sex sessions but I think even I’d get bored with 3 hours!!!


Perhaps this thread is not about this topic, but I will add an interesting addendum. The OP is likely right in understanding that everyone has an ideal frequency for sex and this thread is likely exploring that spectrum of sexuality. The next part of research is likely to begin appreciating what happens from both perspectives when you have mismatched frequencies. Perhaps some couples have frequencies close enough that both can compromise while others have frequencies so far apart that it becomes unworkable. 

A completely overlooked aspect of sexual fulfillment is the ideal time needed per session in order to feel satisfied. I once read a thread about a wife that liked frequent sex but she could not tolerate the fact that her husband demanded very long sessions (him having three+ orgasms each time). She just wanted something quick and easy so that sex would not disrupt the entire schedule for the day.

So the OP should take some time to ask which situation presents itself with a greater challenge:
A) A couple in which the husband wants sex daily and the wife only 2-3 times a month. Both like for sex to last approximately half an hour. 
B) A couple in which the husband wants sex to last no more than 15 minutes with a wife that desires at least an hour to feel satisfied. Both like to have sex approximately two to three times a week. 

My point being is that sexual intimacy is much more dynamic than a simple frequency. Two people with the exact same frequency can be just as incompatible as two people that enjoy sexual intimacy to last the exact amount of time to be satisfied. However ONLY the couple that enjoys sessions that last for the same amount of time ever get to experience mutually enjoyable sex when it happens. The couple with the same frequency may get to experience sex as often as they want but it always creates anxiety that both are not satisfied. 

So just asking for ideal frequency does not result in any meaningful debate.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

badsanta said:


> So just asking for ideal frequency does not result in any meaningful debate.


I'll also add that I think most people's frequency changes over time as well as the desired length of each session needed to feel satisfied. The result creates a lot of variety as well as dissonance in almost any relationship. Some couples make good teams that can enjoy the challenge and grow from it while others view relationships as disposable and walk away as soon as something stops being fun and enjoyable.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?

Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.

Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

C.C. says ... said:


> Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?
> 
> Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.
> 
> Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤


Some yes. Some no. 

Yesterday after work my wife jumped me. We actually had a conversation for about 3 minutes while she rode on top. Just getting some particulars about the day out of the way. Then we went into a more concentrated mode on the pleasure. Both of us enjoyed ourselves. Was it mind blowing? Nope. Was it still good? Yep. 

As long as it isn't bad or duty-style, I'm quite pleased. I'd say 1-2 times a week is the mind-blowing style. Sometimes less. Sometimes more.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

C.C. says ... said:


> Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?
> 
> Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.
> 
> Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤


In the BDSM community some people practice ways to minimize pleasure. One particular way is to unexpectedly inform someone that they need to reach climax in the next few moments. A heavy vibrator is applied and a climax occurs within minutes usually to a male and to trigger a refractory period. Then the subject is taken to a sex club after being rendered unable to enjoy any further pleasure as a form of humiliation. Often insult is added to injury by the subject being led to believe they would get to participate in some fun activities and was asked to refrain from sexual activity for a few days prior in order to increase the pleasure of this upcoming event. 

My point in sharing this story (from the other side of the internet) is to demonstrate to the OP some of the ways couples toy around with each other's frequencies. Some couples play rough!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> I hate mornings. I hate waking up.


Have you tried Foldgers? I’m not kidding I make some from crystals when I first get out of bed. I hear it’s the best part of waking up.

Anyway my wife said, “I have a surprise for you.” after lunch and gave me a peek at some yellow Calvins I got her that she is wearing, so unless I piss her off this afternoon she is DTF and I will be getting back on track later.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

badsanta said:


> So just asking for ideal frequency does not result in any meaningful debate.


I posted results from a survey (in another thread) about the length of PIV that people felt was either too short, too long, or just right. The just right range was 7-13 minutes.

So last Sunday I had the news on in the bedroom and there was a clock on it, so I figured what the hell. 10 minutes with one position change and vibrator came out about halfway through.

This was after ~30 minutes of me rubbing her back and then probably 10 minutes of trying to arouse her and I would say that is fairly normal. So let’s say 45 minutes. I would easily spend that twice a day for a total of 1.5h but normally if we go two she wants one longer one for her and then me pop off on the other. So really 1h and we’re good and still doing 2x a day on those days.



C.C. says ... said:


> Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?
> 
> Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.
> 
> Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤


Think about it like this. Some people have a higher drive. For me, within a couple hours of having sex in the morning I am already thinking about it again. So I get my anticipation wondering about later that night and that is plenty of anticipation for me.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I posted results from a survey (in another thread) about the length of PIV that people felt was either too short, too long, or just right. The just right range was 7-13 minutes.
> 
> So last Sunday I had the news on in the bedroom and there was a clock on it, so I figured what the hell. 10 minutes with one position change and vibrator came out about halfway through.
> 
> ...


It’s strange to me that anyone thinks about sex this much. Not just thinks about it in a way that a lot of people, especially men supposedly do, but has an almost constant desire to actually do it. It seems to be that you have an almost constant desire to have sex. Is it really THAT great? I feel like I’m someone who likes sex a lot but then when I read some of the things you say I start to wonder what I’m missing because I don’t think my drive could ever begin to compare to yours. Actually, not sure I know of anyone whose drive is constantly at the level that yours seems to be (and talks about it, at least...obviously I know people who I would not be having such conversations with in real life. I wonder who I know might secretly be an HD sex fiend in disguise....). This is excluding horny 18 year olds guys, pregnant Cicis, and the like, of course. Do you have naturally very high levels of testosterone?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> Do you have naturally very high levels of testosterone?


I dunno. I seriously doubt it is low. I joke around when ads play on TV for testosterone boosters I say, “Maybe I should look into that.” and my wife says, “Don’t you dare!!!”



Cici1990 said:


> It’s strange to me that anyone thinks about sex this much. Not just thinks about it in a way that a lot of people, especially men supposedly do, but has an almost constant desire to actually do it.


I’m underselling it probably, I think about it all the time like I was in high school. Desire to do it less but still am/pm no problem.

It could be that my brain responds differently to the chemicals released from it. My brain also likes drugs, alcohol, gambling, basically all vices it is down to party pretty much 24/7. So I have to clamp it down big time! I replace a bunch of that with hard brutal exercise. I do get the endorphins from it, like today my workout was terrible but somehow I feel good even though I am limping around from it.

One thing re: masturbation I think I read somewhere the brain chemicals released during are different from partnered sex.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

3-4x a week. But at least one of them has to be a quickie, I like quickies.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Cici1990 said:


> It’s strange to me that anyone thinks about sex this much. Not just thinks about it in a way that a lot of people, especially men supposedly do, but has an almost constant desire to actually do it. It seems to be that you have an almost constant desire to have sex. Is it really THAT great? I feel like I’m someone who likes sex a lot but then when I read some of the things you say I start to wonder what I’m missing because I don’t think my drive could ever begin to compare to yours. Actually, not sure I know of anyone whose drive is constantly at the level that yours seems to be (and talks about it, at least...obviously I know people who I would not be having such conversations with in real life. I wonder who I know might secretly be an HD sex fiend in disguise....). This is excluding horny 18 year olds guys, pregnant Cicis, and the like, of course. Do you have naturally very high levels of testosterone?


For me it is more than just a physical act, i do not even care if i reach climax. It is the bond we share. To us it is like a combining of our souls together. I told my wife when we retire we will not have to even get dressed unless we leave the house. Just have to keep blinds close so as not to flash the neighbors.


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## sweetowl (Jul 21, 2021)

I’m 28 female, my ideal would be every other day but husband can go one to two weeks without anything and he’s contempt with that .. can never seem to get a man who can keep up


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Of course the tragedy is that there are men saying the same thing about not being able to find a woman who will keep up.

So many people would be so much happier if they could find compatible partners. 

There are a lot of men and women who would be happy with every other day. 



sweetowl said:


> I’m 28 female, my ideal would be every other day but husband can go one to two weeks without anything and he’s contempt with that .. can never seem to get a man who can keep up


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## Wakes (Jul 9, 2021)

*@*


Cici1990 said:


> I think I want to masturbate when I feel a very strong physical desire, and by that I mean a feeling I get “down there” without really much emotional thought behind it. It’s more like a physical need. Sometimes I think about my husband or imagine an actual recent experience we had together, sometimes I just watch porn, sometimes I fantasize about one of my crushes.
> 
> When I want real sex it’s more a mind/body desire.


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## Wakes (Jul 9, 2021)

Wakes said:


> *@*
> 
> I have a really high sex drive. I’ve been with my wife for over 38 years. I’ve only ever slept with her and enjoy sex twice a week and I also enjoy regular masturbation on other days. I have a real urge when it comes to self pleasure and I get turned on and erect quite easily and always have. My penis and testicles actually throb and ache with anticipation when I’m aroused, I love the excitement, pleasure and satisfaction of the actual ejaculation, I sometimes plan the masturbation so that my wife catches me in the act and she will join in and help me to climax. She will then tell me off for being a very naughty boy which I like, and will on occasion leave her used panties under my pillow for me to find when she goes off to work as a treat.


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## Texican (Jan 11, 2012)

ms gamboolgal and I are approaching our 40th Anniversary.

At age 62 I still love her and want her all the time.....and I mean all the time...

Reality now is we have sex about 3 times per week on average. Sometimes abit more and sometimes less.

Now that I'm retired (effective 1-Feb-21) I am not under extreme stress and have quit the smoking and whiskey drinking - I'm more frisky. ms gamboolgal is always ready, willing and easily aroused and wet....

We are now exercising, eating right, getting rest and not under work stress since retirement and that's a good thing for the bedroom....


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

Mid-forties female in monogamous relationship: I'd say that during normal life with chores, responsibilities, etc, twice a week is perfect for me. If we're on vacation, then once a day, because hey, we're on vacation!


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Mid 40's here. I still have a fairly high sex drive and could do everyday and even more than once a day. In reality, 2-3 times a week


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Two to three times a week. And we average 7 to 8 a month, so not bad for our early 60s.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

C.C. says ... said:


> Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?
> 
> Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.
> 
> Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤


I can literally go 4-5 times a day.

Mrs. C can go once, sometimes twice a day.

She always orgasms at least once but realistically, time limitations would prevent us from having super good sex 4-5 times a day. She would do it if she could though because she is dtf and I simply love it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

There needs to be a TAM [email protected] Algorithm that takes everyone’s age, location, marital status or satisfaction, desired frequency, favorite position, favorite place, sex toy preferences, and preferred time of day for sex.
The algorithm output would look like this:

Forum user ABC please contact forum member XYZ as you have qualified as zen [email protected]

Thank You,
TAM [email protected] Algorithm


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## Travelmom (10 mo ago)

CountryMike said:


> What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.
> 
> Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?
> 
> There's been threads with a variety of opinions, let's get focused information.


I would like every day quickies with 2-3 times per month longer sessions.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Travelmom said:


> I would like every day quickies with 2-3 times per month longer sessions.


What is a quicky? My wife has always been of the opinion that it is for the man to insert and get off as fast as possible. I tend to think it is for both to get of as fast as possible. Just curious what others think a quicky is.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

leftfield said:


> What is a quicky? My wife has always been of the opinion that it is for the man to insert and get off as fast as possible. I tend to think it is for both to get of as fast as possible. Just curious what others think a quicky is.


Your W is more like mine, a quickie is mostly DW says hey baby, want some, we got just a few minutes, and more about me. Other quickies are hers, when she comes and gets me and wants let's say a very vigorous quickie that includes verbal sex centered talk.


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## Travelmom (10 mo ago)

leftfield said:


> What is a quicky? My wife has always been of the opinion that it is for the man to insert and get off as fast as possible. I tend to think it is for both to get of as fast as possible. Just curious what others think a quicky is.


A quickie to me is that overwhelming desire to come. Both are satisfied without much effort.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Travelmom said:


> A quickie to me is that overwhelming desire to come. Both are satisfied without much effort.


I’m glad that works for you but quickies almost never satisfy me.I don’t mind them occasionally. I like to have my husband. But I don’t know very any women personally that come during quickies.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

TMI


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Once a day.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I’m glad that works for you but quickies almost never satisfy me.I don’t mind them occasionally. I like to have my husband. But I don’t know very any women personally that come during quickies.


My wife takes some time to climb the mountain, so quickies don't work for us at all.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

I was surprised to find my W loves quickies when she started requesting them. They put a smile on her face, give her an energy boost and make her hum tunes all day. 

I'm a bit of the opposite. Love to spend more naked time with her. She enjoys that too of course, as long as we get down to business quickly and then sustain / simmer for a longer while. Also likes aftercare much more than foreplay. Preferences are so interesting.


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

We average probably 4x a week. Probably 2 of those are quickies. We have three teenage kids that are all in different school sports plus travel teams. We have games or practices usually 6 nights a week but we always fit it in somehow. My drive is much higher than my wife but since she has been on tes for hormonal problems we are about even in that department. On a separate note since she has started hormonal therapy she is a different person in bed. In a good way!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> My wife takes some time to climb the mountain, so quickies don't work for us at all.


My wife knows that mountain.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

241happyhour said:


> We average probably 4x a week. Probably 2 of those are quickies. We have three teenage kids that are all in different school sports plus travel teams. We have games or practices usually 6 nights a week but we always fit it in somehow. My drive is much higher than my wife but since she has been on tes for hormonal problems we are about even in that department. On a separate note since she has started hormonal therapy she is a different person in bed. In a good way!!!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Four times a week? Ages?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> I’m glad that works for you but quickies almost never satisfy me.I don’t mind them occasionally. I like to have my husband. But I don’t know very any women personally that come during quickies.


We never are quick. Prefer slower. Savor


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> We never are quick. Prefer slower. Savor


There is a time and place for everything.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> There is a time and place for everything.


Turn turn turn ...


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## loblawbobblog (9 mo ago)

3-4 times a week. In reality, my wife and I have sex 3-4 times a month.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

loblawbobblog said:


> 3-4 times a week. In reality, my wife and I have sex 3-4 times a month.


I’d like 3 a week, settle for 2. Still better than five years ago, twice a month


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

CountryMike said:


> What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.
> 
> Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?


For me the ideal amount is every other day. What I negotiated with the help of a sex therapist was three times a week with my wife. That lasted just a couple weeks when she complained and the ST renegotiated it to twice a week. At twice a week I can still feel emotionally bonded with my wife, but it is hard and just barely.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> For me the ideal amount is every other day. What I negotiated with the help of a sex therapist was three times a week with my wife. That lasted just a couple weeks when she complained and the ST renegotiated it to twice a week. At twice a week I can still feel emotionally bonded with my wife, but it is hard and just barely.


Perhaps she can “take one for the team” now and then, and dare make love three times a week?


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## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

I hope 1x a month here soon. It’s been way too long!!!! Really need to have a talk soon.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

kh4OffRoad said:


> I hope 1x a month here soon. It’s been way too long!!!! Really need to have a talk soon.


Definitely ya need to sit and talk with your wife.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Perhaps she can “take one for the team” now and then, and dare make love three times a week?


Sorry, compromise means less than I want and more than she wants. If I started down that road, she would be asking me to not take a hit.........for the team more times than I would be asking her


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

My ideal frequency is twice a day. 1x in the morning and 1x in the evening. I am currently meeting that goal however the wife is only part of around 30 - 35% of these sessions and the rest are achieved as a solo performance. And yes, porn is involved.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> Sorry, compromise means less than I want and more than she wants. If I started down that road, she would be asking me to not take a hit.........for the team more times than I would be asking her


Yep, she’d find a way to negotiate lower frequency. It’s like a chore. Sad


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

My wife and I just had this conversation. After arguing and her agreeing to every other night, not even a week later she asked that we go with 3 times a week. She told me her ideal is once a week. Her track record has been once every few months. When I brought that up she said she was trying, as she knows I need sex. She never wants to do this for us, she always says she wants to do it for me. She doesn’t get it that sex is supposed to be something we both desire and want. She has no libido nor is she willing to find out why.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My ideal frequency is twice a day. 1x in the morning and 1x in the evening. I am currently meeting that goal however *the wife is only part of around 30 - 35% of these sessions* and the rest are achieved as a solo performance. And yes, porn is involved.


I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

GoodDad5 said:


> My wife and I just had this conversation. After arguing and her agreeing to every other night, not even a week later she asked that we go with 3 times a week. She told me her ideal is once a week. Her track record has been once every few months. When I brought that up she said she was trying, as she knows I need sex. She never wants to do this for us, she always says she wants to do it for me. She doesn’t get it that sex is supposed to be something we both desire and want. She has no libido nor is she willing to find out why.


Yeah it took a long time for my wife to understand sex is for US not just me. Now that she realizes, it’s better. Still have to plan and negotiate, but she is a much more willing participant.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.


Actually thats a pretty good rate from past history. I have learned to just keep pushing and initiate everyday and she agrees with at least around every three attempts. If you base that on major league batting averages, .333 is pretty good!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Actually thats a pretty good rate from past history. I have learned to just keep pushing and initiate everyday and she agrees with at least around every three attempts. If you base that on major league batting averages, .333 is pretty good!


Yeah I guess it is. So long as the frequency of rejection doesn't bother you and the success results in good sex it isn't too bad.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I would have been happy with 3 times/week... not that it matters now...


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Actually thats a pretty good rate from past history. I have learned to just keep pushing and initiate everyday and she agrees with at least around every three attempts. If you base that on major league batting averages, .333 is pretty good!


You’d make at least $10M a year in mlb


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yeah I guess it is. So long as the frequency of rejection doesn't bother you and the success results in good sex it isn't too bad.


He should try that “guaranteed sex” plan. Wife’s idea: every Sunday without fail. Even if we argue night before. It works. Add another during week, we do okay at ages 61 and 62.


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## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yeah it took a long time for my wife to understand sex is for US not just me. Now that she realizes, it’s better. Still have to plan and negotiate, but she is a much more willing participant.


If you ever want to become a billionaire all you will have to do is write a book about how that works!


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

We have done this for years, "guaranteed sex" two times a week. Once on the weekend, once during the week. Usually no more, rarely more than that.

My desire is every other day, we tried that, but it was too much for the wife, twice is all she can take. She orgasm usually, I don't understand why she doesn't want it more. Her desire is once a week or less. She says she actually wants sex about 3 times a month.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

kh4OffRoad said:


> If you ever want to become a billionaire all you will have to do is write a book about how that works!


Problem is nobody would believe it, call it science fiction. Took 25 years to get there!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yeah I guess it is. So long as the frequency of rejection doesn't bother you and the success results in good sex it isn't too bad.


Well the rejection does bother me but thats where the porn comes in. Porn never tells you 'No'


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

woodyh said:


> We have done this for years, "guaranteed sex" two times a week. Once on the weekend, once during the week. Usually no more, rarely more than that.
> 
> My desire is every other day, we tried that, but it was too much for the wife, twice is all she can take. She orgasm usually, I don't understand why she doesn't want it more. Her desire is once a week or less. She says she actually wants sex about 3 times a month.


That sounds familiar.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

woodyh said:


> We have done this for years, "guaranteed sex" two times a week. Once on the weekend, once during the week. Usually no more, rarely more than that.
> 
> My desire is every other day, we tried that, but it was too much for the wife, twice is all she can take. She orgasm usually, I don't understand why she doesn't want it more. Her desire is once a week or less. She says she actually wants sex about 3 times a month.


We were twice/month by agreement... sometimes she would forget and it became once a month or thrice/month... lol


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yep, she’d find a way to negotiate lower frequency. It’s like a chore. Sad


I guess if this ever became the dynamic, would just say to forget the whole thing. Refuse to “negotate” intimacy with my wife. If she didnt care enough to WANT intimacy with me then that means the marriage is toast.


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## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Problem is nobody would believe it, call it science fiction. Took 25 years to get there!


I’m confused, I thought you said eventually you and your wife did come to some kind of agreement?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

kh4OffRoad said:


> I’m confused, I thought you said eventually you and your wife did come to some kind of agreement?


We did. It took 25 years to reach


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> I guess if this ever became the dynamic, would just say to forget the whole thing. Refuse to “negotate” intimacy with my wife. If she didnt care enough to WANT intimacy with me then that means the marriage is toast.


Women are wired different. Need to feel loved to have sex. Men need sex to feel loved. Once you appreciate that, it’s much better


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> I guess if this ever became the dynamic, would just say to forget the whole thing. Refuse to “negotate” intimacy with my wife. If she didnt care enough to WANT intimacy with me then that means the marriage is toast.


I wonder if the problem is not "intimacy" itself but "quantity of intimacy"? My wife insists she likes and wants sex (like many guys have indicated their wives do) its just her idea of an approved quantity is different than mine.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Women are wired different. Need to feel loved to have sex. Men need sex to feel loved. Once you appreciate that, it’s much better


 If wife doesnt feel loved, then husband has failed. So the marriage is over anyway. She proly seeking love elsewhere already. If she doesn’t want to be intimate with him then he feels like shyt, so the marriage is over.

Either way stick a fork in it cuz is done. And one or the other or both ‘partners’ are done but wont admit it.

@ccpowerslave had the right response and take imo. And it applies to either gender. If a spouse doesnt want intimacy with their ‘mate’ anymore, that is ok because people are free to choose. The rejected partner is free to choose too.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I wonder if the problem is not "intimacy" itself but "quantity of intimacy"? My wife insists she likes and wants sex (like many guys have indicated their wives do) its just her idea of an approved quantity is different than mine.


Lets be real here. When you like and enjoy something you want to engage in that activity more than every other month. And if you like it a lot daily isnt too often. We arent talking about an activity that is a massive amount of work or takes hours. So the whole negotiation thing just seems fake in my opinion. I would conclude the wife would be fine never being intimate again with me but is appeasing me to keep all the trappings of the marriage that SHE likes. So for me that would tell me she has no love for me at all. Maybe it would be my fault as in maybe don’t excite her anymore. Maybe Chad at work tickles her fancy. No matter, the spark is gone so trying to negotiate it coming back is a waste of both of our time


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> That sounds familiar.


Same here. My wife’s compromise is Sundays and then I pick a weeknight. She said her desire is once a week, and mine was every other night. Historically she’s been once every month or two but that’s only when I ask for it and I’m not rejected. She’s only doing this because as she puts it, I need it. She could care less otherwise (her words) as she has no drive. I’ll be shocked if this new agreement lasts over a week. The every other night lasted 5 days. 

I hate our sex life. I feel like I’m cursed with a desire that has no moral outlet.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

GoodDad5 said:


> Same here. My wife’s compromise is Sundays and then I pick a weeknight. She said her desire is once a week, and mine was every other night. Historically she’s been once every month or two but that’s only when I ask for it and I’m not rejected. She’s only doing this because as she puts it, I need it. She could care less otherwise (her words) as she has no drive. I’ll be shocked if this new agreement lasts over a week. The every other night lasted 5 days.
> 
> I hate our sex life. I feel like I’m cursed with a desire that has no moral outlet.


Hang in there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

GoodDad5 said:


> My wife and I just had this conversation. After arguing and her agreeing to every other night, not even a week later *she asked that we go with 3 times a week*. She told me her ideal is once a week. *Her track record has been once every few months*. When I brought that up she said she was trying, as she knows I need sex. She never wants to do this for us, she always says she wants to do it for me. She doesn’t get it that sex is supposed to be something we both desire and want. *She has no libido nor is she willing to find out why*.


I am going to assume that you "conversation" basically was an ultimatum that you were going to have a sex life with her or you were going to leave her. If you are at that decision point or breaking point then I have a few thoughts. If you are not yet at that point them my suggestion is that you get a sex therapist involved to help negotiate and referee the changes required to make your marriage fullfilling.

Sex three times a week is not a "half full glass" but a pretty darn full glass for most guys. I would agree to her suggestions, but with conditions that she accepts. The first condition would be "enthusiasm."

You need to work with your wife on cementing in new patterns and habits. My suggestion is schedule three sex nights or mornings a week. Some of each would be best. Maybe one would be a romantic dinner date. Maybe one would be your taking her out for a drive or a walk after making love in the morning. 

Work with her to agree to specific days of the week that you both will commit to. When changing habits, like in weight loss, journalling often helps. Prepare a calendar with the days identified when you will have sex. Then have her mark off each time you have sex. If she objects to that being too mechanical, suggest that then she will be in charge of choosing the three days each week. If she fails to initiate sex for three times in a week, then you get to choose the time and place for any make-up sex.

Good luck.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Rus47 said:


> Lets be real here. *When you like and enjoy something you want to engage in that activity more than every other month.* And if you like it a lot daily isnt too often. We arent talking about an activity that is a massive amount of work or takes hours. So the whole negotiation thing just seems fake in my opinion. I would conclude the wife would be fine never being intimate again with me but is appeasing me to keep all the trappings of the marriage that SHE likes. So for me that would tell me she has no love for me at all. Maybe it would be my fault as in maybe don’t excite her anymore. Maybe Chad at work tickles her fancy. No matter, the spark is gone so trying to negotiate it coming back is a waste of both of our time


You really need to understand that your wife views sex much differently than you do. She has a lower desire for sex than you do and than you will ever have. You can't change that. Maybe if she works at it, she can make changes, but you can't force her to want sex more frequently.

Someone once used an analogy to explain this to me. It involved two pigs. One pig loved to roll in the mud all day long every day. The feeling of warm slippery mud on his skin just made him feel amazing. The other pig thought that rolling in mud was OK, but not all that great. They preferred to eat, walk and look around, socialize with other pigs. They were willing to roll in the mud every now and then, but it just didn't thrill them as much. 

The problem is that your enjoyment of sex is far greater than her enjoyment of sex. She is fine with it, but it is just not as important to her as it is to you. So no.........your wife may enjoy sex, but not enjoy having sex more than a much lower amount of sex than you desire.

In a conversation my wife who I usually bring to orgasm most nights we sexual intimacy, told me she enjoys those orgasms, but she just doesn't want to have sex more often. Her priorities are just different than mine. Her brain views the pleasure of sex different than I do. She does however, enjoy pleasuring me and giving me the gift of her body and love. 

Good luck.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

GoodDad5 said:


> She never wants to do this for us, she always says she wants to do it for me. She doesn’t get it that sex is supposed to be something we both desire and want. She has no libido nor is she willing to find out why.


What is there to work with? You can't make another person want to be intimate with you. She has no libido and it doesn't faze her at all. Talking with her ( negotiating ) doesn't really seem to change anything. Left to her own desires you acknowledge every month or so would be fine for her. Are you sure that even that abysmal frequency isn't just to pacify you with the absolute bare minimum you will tolerate?

Everyone decides for themselves how much disrespect they tolerate to avoid the downside of doing something differently. @FloridaGuy1 for example isn't willing to lose all of his finances, so he tolerates his wife's behavior. A very reasonable and common compromise. At my age, I could imagine just writing sex off of the agenda for the rest of what remains of my life to avoid going through worse trauma. But am pretty sure am not going to beg and cajole and "negotiate" with wife for some 'duty sex'. No thank you! If she ever decides she is done, so am I. Full stop.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> You really need to understand that your wife views sex much differently than you do. She has a lower desire for sex than you do and than you will ever have. You can't change that. Maybe if she works at it, she can make changes, but you can't force her to want sex more frequently.
> 
> Someone once used an analogy to explain this to me. It involved two pigs. One pig loved to roll in the mud all day long every day. The feeling of warm slippery mud on his skin just made him feel amazing. The other pig thought that rolling in mud was OK, but not all that great. They preferred to eat, walk and look around, socialize with other pigs. They were willing to roll in the mud every now and then, but it just didn't thrill them as much.
> 
> ...


Just to be clear, my wife has a HIGHER desire for sex than I do at this particular time in our lives. And, she has always enjoyed it every bit as much as me, which is why that aspect has never been an issue in our very long marriage.

My post wasn't to my situation but rather to all this "negotiation" going on in the lives of others. What I said was that IF my wife treated me this way, I would conclude that she no longer loved me and would adjust my life accordingly.


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## Seems Like Yesterday (9 mo ago)

Have no idea what so ever!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> Lets be real here. When you like and enjoy something you want to engage in that activity more than every other month. And if you like it a lot daily isnt too often. We arent talking about an activity that is a massive amount of work or takes hours. So the whole negotiation thing just seems fake in my opinion. I would conclude the wife would be fine never being intimate again with me but is appeasing me to keep all the trappings of the marriage that SHE likes. So for me that would tell me she has no love for me at all. Maybe it would be my fault as in maybe don’t excite her anymore. Maybe Chad at work tickles her fancy. No matter, the spark is gone so trying to negotiate it coming back is a waste of both of our time


I shared this very sentiment with my wife today. Sex is relatively easy to share with one another so why is it so difficult to make happen? If one does indeed enjoy it, why would they ever say No?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I shared this very sentiment with my wife today. Sex is relatively easy to share with one another so why is it so difficult to make happen? If one does indeed enjoy it,* why would they ever say No?*


Well, a person might be in pain. Or have poison ivy, or down with Covid and having trouble breathing. But of course no spouse would even ask under those circumstances.

i would have to conclude that despite what they may say, I am not tickling their fancy and they DONT have fun with me.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> Well, a person might be in pain. Or have poison ivy, or down with Covid and having trouble breathing. But of course no spouse would even ask under those circumstances.
> 
> i would have to conclude that despite what they may say, I am not tickling their fancy and they DONT have fun with me.


Agreed. Learning that first hand.

I must commend you as you are one lucky guy to have a long term marriage with a good wife.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I shared this very sentiment with my wife today. Sex is relatively easy to share with one another so why is it so difficult to make happen? If one does indeed enjoy it, why would they ever say No?


Why? Because many a married woman enjoys denying her husband basic human needs. Various reasons are given. But basically they know the husband enjoys it so they deny it or ration it. All about control and power, my friend.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Longtime Hubby said:


> All about control and power, my friend.


Because it couldn’t ever be about losing sexual attraction, boredom, resentment and or plenty of other reasons. 🙄🙄🙄 Rolling my 👀, till they fall out.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Personal said:


> Because it couldn’t ever be about losing sexual attraction, boredom, resentment and or plenty of other reasons. 🙄🙄🙄 Rolling my 👀, till they fall out.


Power. Control. Hope you catch your eyeballs!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Agreed. Learning that first hand.
> 
> I must commend you as you are one lucky guy to have a long term marriage with a good wife.


Oh absolutely! I thank the good Lord every day for blessing me with a wonderful life's partner. Especially when read all the grief others put up with for years.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

Ideal probably in the 5-7/week. Reality 1-3, the rare occasion less, less rare occasion maybe a few more. 

I do think it's hard to get an accurate gauge for anyone who's not satiated. My immediate gut response is 14/week... but I know when the frequency picks up for a bit it's not as intense. The whole "a starving man can eat himself to death" thing.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

True dat


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## Lawcher62 (9 mo ago)

Was 4 times a day 18 months then hubby got bj addicted and ruined it for me so now its rare but I’d say 5 times a week if he wasn’t a lazy doosh in life


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## Seems Like Yesterday (9 mo ago)

Just wondering how some would know when they may have never had a single ideal encounter or very few. 

Another note if all is duty sex and lifeless does more mean better or ideal. Would suspect no really. Or if ones health is suspect or hormones way down one would have an answer for that case. Suspect 3 times a week of glorious sex would be satifying for many and possible ideal for many marriages?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

According to WebMD report 2021 47% of couples couple at least weekly. “Research shows that pushing sex frequency to more than once a week may decrease your desire for and enjoyment of sex. This is to say that quality is as vital as quantity.”

Sorry, but IMO it is like sweets. More you eat the more you want. By their “research” eating more than a candy bar a week will ruin your taste for chocolate


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Personal said:


> Because it couldn’t ever be about losing sexual attraction, boredom, resentment and or plenty of other reasons. 🙄🙄🙄 Rolling my 👀, till they fall out.


Yes, plenty of reasons. But “control” is possibly one. It can be about many things at once, and it can be about something different than it was about last month or last year.

IME, the most important thing to grasp is, whatever the reason(s), it is. Figuring out the “why” seems like it might be useful. But, if it starts to feel like a game of whack-a-mole, maybe it’s time to stop expecting to find an answer.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Seems Like Yesterday said:


> Have no idea what so ever!


Have you ever discussed it with your spouse?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

On weekends twice a day. Tuesday thru Friday o ce a day as were working.
Now and then during the week quickie in the morning plus the evening. 

Mondays and sometimes Tuesday are sometimes days we lay off depending on work schedules. Wednesday always restarts the next weekly cycle.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> According to WebMD report 2021 47% of couples couple at least weekly. “Research shows that pushing sex frequency to more than once a week may decrease your desire for and enjoyment of sex. This is to say that quality is as vital as quantity.”
> 
> Sorry, but IMO it is like sweets. More you eat the more you want. By their “research” eating more than a candy bar a week will ruin your taste for chocolate


I agree.

I would say thats how my wife views it as when I try to initiate too soon, she'll say "We just had sex *_* (whether it was yesterday, a day ago, two days ago, a week, earlier this morning, etc)" Its almost as if there is a limited amount of times we can ever have sex. Along the lines of too much and it will get ruined I suppose?

YET, we all know the key is to try to make it better or spice things up if it gets dull and the desire decreases, YET if you don't have more sex, that really can't be accomplished.

Chicken - egg sort of thing I suppose?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> According to WebMD report 2021 47% of couples couple at least weekly. “Research shows that pushing sex frequency to more than once a week may decrease your desire for and enjoyment of sex. This is to say that quality is as vital as quantity.”
> 
> Sorry, but IMO it is like sweets. More you eat the more you want. By their “research” eating more than a candy bar a week will ruin your taste for chocolate


That must have been written by a woman in a mediocre at best marriage, where both spouses have serious weight or attitude issues.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That must have been written by a woman in a mediocre at best marriage, where both spouses have serious weight or attitude issues.


So WebMD/studies are all unhappy overweight women?? 

Maybe just an attempt at humor, but seems to ignore the fact that not everyone is in a sex-heavy relationship. While 2/day might be your normal, 2/year is someone else's. Usually best not to surmise other's motivations.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ET1SSJonota said:


> So WebMD/studies are all unhappy overweight women??
> 
> Maybe just an attempt at humor, but seems to ignore the fact that not everyone is in a sex-heavy relationship. While 2/day might be your normal, 2/year is someone else's. Usually best not to surmise other's motivations.


The author and H I'll go with yes. I said that already, did you not understand?

They wanted to spout their situation as normal by saying they found supporting data.
Crapola.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The author and H I'll go with yes. I said that already, did you not understand?
> 
> They wanted to spout their situation as normal by saying they found supporting data.
> Crapola.


No, I did understand, and hoped you were just joking. On other threads you've seemed insightful rather than condescending. 

Everyone wants their situation to be "normal" - just like you. Which is why you find someone who thinks 1/week is acceptable to be abnormal, despite what data may or may not say. The other assumption you have made is that yours is more "correct". While I will absolutely grant that you're far more likely to be happy than others with your sex-heavy relationship, I think it's yet another poor assumption that your wife is any more happy than other wives who may have less sex. 

Survey after survey shows the VAST majority of women being unhappy in their sex life. Other surveys show that women have a largely varied frequency of sex with their partners. Many men assume that the more sex they're having, the more satisfied they are with the sex - and that's not necessarily the case. Some women might refuse to have sex often because it's bad sex, or because they're not attracted to their spouse, or simply because they feel like a sex doll if their spouse wants to do it all the time. Still others might accept having sex all the time as their duty, even if it's bad sex, even if they're not attracted to their spouse, and don't mind feeling like a sex doll. And that's the crux for so many men - you can NEVER know, only she does. 

The amusing thing being in every forum (including "troubled relationship" forums), the vast majority of men insist that they please their wife, or that it must be fulfilling and amazing for the spouse because they have sex all the time. One could almost surmise that the male ego might be part of the problem some times.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ET1SSJonota said:


> No, I did understand, and hoped you were just joking. On other threads you've seemed insightful rather than condescending.
> 
> Everyone wants their situation to be "normal" - just like you. Which is why you find someone who thinks 1/week is acceptable to be abnormal, despite what data may or may not say. The other assumption you have made is that yours is more "correct". While I will absolutely grant that you're far more likely to be happy than others with your sex-heavy relationship, I think it's yet another poor assumption that your wife is any more happy than other wives who may have less sex.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you understood. The rest i see above is wasted screen space of regurgitated info resulting from searched for data to attempt to support the narrative you're pushing.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm glad you understood. The rest i see above is wasted screen space of regurgitated info resulting from searched for data to attempt to support the narrative you're pushing.


It's interesting that you see a narrative being pushed where this is none. Also interesting to note that you consider other viewpoints "wasted screen space" and have no qualms stating thusly. I look forward to your enlightened superiority shining down upon me, but may value it as much as you value others.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ET1SSJonota said:


> It's interesting that you see a narrative being pushed where this is none. Also interesting to note that you consider other viewpoints "wasted screen space" and have no qualms stating thusly. I look forward to your enlightened superiority shining down upon me, but may value it as much as you value others.


Ditto I'm thinking. 

We have an accord then. Peace to you and good luck in your efforts.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Two to three times a week would be fine for me. And it would be fantastic if she were to initiate now and then. I mean, once in the past 21 years ain't cutting it.


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

346745 said:


> Four times a week? Ages?


Yes
50m 46f


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

346745 said:


> Why? Because many a married woman enjoys denying her husband basic human needs. Various reasons are given. But basically they know the husband enjoys it so they deny it or ration it. All about control and power, my friend.


That’s a load of crap


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Hiner112 said:


> Once a day during the week and twice on the weekend.


If I didn't work or lived with my GF, I have some indication that it would be twice a day every day, actually.


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## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

I'm gonna say 5 times a week. I'd say 7 but the days off would get me more worked up.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

4 times a week


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> Well, a person might be in pain. Or have poison ivy, or down with Covid and having trouble breathing. But of course no spouse would even ask under those circumstances.
> 
> i would have to conclude that despite what they may say, I am not tickling their fancy and they DONT have fun with me.


My wife wants to have sex when she is passing a kidney stone. She says it will make her feel better/forget for a while during/after all the orgasms and hopefully shake it loose to hurry it up passing.

Barring sickness it is usually 5 days a week. If we skip a day may go 2x the next day. 50 hubby/ 53 wife.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

4 to 7 times week is typical. About to be 6 this week I'm thinking. When I got up for coffee noticed wife only has panties on. That's usually a good sign. I'll take it that way this morning for sure 😉.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 4 to 7 times week is typical. About to be 6 this week I'm thinking. When I got up for coffee noticed wife only has panties on. That's usually a good sign. I'll take it that way this morning for sure 😉.


Several years ago I declared the bed a "No clothes zone". We both sleep in the nude. She realized she sleeps better in the buff, also more prone to snuggle up to daddy if she is cold.

Sex increased as I would get turned on in bed and it was evident to her and me being so turned on by her, makes her hot for me. Win-Win. 

I also enjoy waking her up for coffee in the morning caressing her back- all the way to her calves...back and front when she rolls over and says "Good morning baby"🥰 Help her up and get her robe on her then go fix her coffee for her. She is not a morning person🤣


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## DarrenLondon (6 mo ago)

Around 3 to 4 times a week works fine for me. Definitely at the weekends, just nicer being able to take your time, though we often manage to get in a quickie or two during the week  Has come down a bit since our early days, when we first moved in together it was more like rabbits but quite ok the way it's now.


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