# She wants to move in with me



## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

As i posted yesterday, my girlfriend is being bullied at her school. He calls her horrible things for a solid hour everyday. She is a small quiet girl without very many school friends. She came over crying and scared. I came up with the idea that instead of having her walk home alone for fear of him following her home, i'll just pick her up. Another idea i had was when i see this kid, i'm gonna get right in his face, i doubt he'll wanna fight ( i'm about 6'3 220), and if he wants to fight i'll fight him ( she was against this but i'm considering it). She now wants to either move in with me at my place. Her parents don't have a great relationship with her even when they are home ( which they never are) so i doubt they would notice or care. Are there any ways to handle this that i haven't thought of? i doubt telling the faculty would do anything. I went to this school and the faculty doesn't discipline. Is having her move in a good idea?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

jrice94 said:


> Her parents don't have a great relationship with her even when they are home ( which they never are) so i doubt they would notice or care.


I'm going to say this with all the kindness I can muster. This is a red flag. This girl has the potential to be your classic damsel in distress with you playing the role of rescuer. It's cute and an ego boost at first but over time you will grow to resent this.

Healthy relationships aren't about rescuing someone despite all the dramatic movies that portray it as a good way to come together as a couple. It's not.

So my answer it's a bad idea to let her move in with you at this time.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Moving in with you doesn't solve her bullying problem. 

She needs to make a visit to her school counselor and/or her school social worker. You can't save her from life, and unfortunately the bullying is a part of life. She's going to have to learn how to protect herself.


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

i just want her to be safe


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

jrice94 said:


> i just want her to be safe


Sure you do, but you can't be with her 24/7. She has to learn to look after herself. She's not a little kid anymore. And if she doesn't mention what's going on with the staff at school, then she's really on her own here. If she doesn't trust the faculty, then she should go to her counselor and social worker. They're in that school for a reason.

If they have a school resource officer, she needs to contact him or her as well. She can file a report against this kid if she has to.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

She needs to deal with this on her own. She needs to ignore this kid and go to the staff at school. Chances are she is exaggerating, to make you feel bad for her and that's just a recipe for drama. I think it's best to stay out of if and let her resolve this on her own before getting anywhere further in the relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

jrice94 said:


> i just want her to be safe


I know you do but like a bit much said you can't be with her 24/7. She MUST learn to take care of herself.

My bet is she's exaggerating to get you to let her move in with you so she can get away from her unloving parents.


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't want her to feel like she's alone in this situation so i can't just leave it alone. I agree she's not a little kid anymore but she's been alone most of her life being an only child in a home where her parents weren't around and i don't want her to feel alone. I don't see any reason for her exaggerate about bullying. This kid is pretty hard to ignore since he sits right next to her.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Not living together doesn't mean she's alone. It just means you aren't living together. It seems like she's goodat manipulating you. The reason to exaggerate is to manipulate you. She is trying to get you to do what she's wanting. She can ask to be moved away from him, or just ignore him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Very lofty goals and I applaud you for that. You do know this is your girlfriend not your child right? You can love her without feeling responsible for saving her from her own life. And you don't need to live with her in order for her to not feel alone.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Maybe you could advise her to request a different class, or ask her instructor to move her to the other side of the room or up front.

There are plenty of other ways to resolve this issue, without you moving in together. Living together doesn't solve bullying at school.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Her moving in STILL isn't going to stop the bully at school. Unless you plan on sitting with her at school...

Your girlfriend needs to learn to deal with things like this on her own, or she'll get picked on forever. And I agree with the others. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of rescuing her. Better bet, offer to pay for counseling for her to work through her issues and give her the tools she needs for the real world. If she thinks HS is tough, she's in for a rude shakeup...

How long have you been going out? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

Tikii said:


> Not living together doesn't mean she's alone. It just means you aren't living together. It seems like she's goodat manipulating you. The reason to exaggerate is to manipulate you. She is trying to get you to do what she's wanting. She can ask to be moved away from him, or just ignore him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


why would she manipulate me?


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

PBear said:


> Her moving in STILL isn't going to stop the bully at school. Unless you plan on sitting with her at school...
> 
> Your girlfriend needs to learn to deal with things like this on her own, or she'll get picked on forever. And I agree with the others. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of rescuing her. Better bet, offer to pay for counseling for her to work through her issues and give her the tools she needs for the real world. If she thinks HS is tough, she's in for a rude shakeup...
> 
> ...


 7 months


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Very lofty goals and I applaud you for that. You do know this is your girlfriend not your child right? You can love her without feeling responsible for saving her from her own life. And you don't need to live with her in order for her to not feel alone.


It's not a done deal it's just a consideration


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> Maybe you could advise her to request a different class, or ask her instructor to move her to the other side of the room or up front.
> 
> There are plenty of other ways to resolve this issue, without you moving in together. Living together doesn't solve bullying at school.


 I hope it isn't too late to change classes, the school has a 3 day policy


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

jrice94 said:


> 7 months


I don't mean to offend with the following post, but...

You're asking for a lifetime of hurt. You're both too young, too immature, and you haven't gotten to know each other well enough to seriously consider moving in together. If you do chose to do this, make sure you bookmark this site so you can come back in 5 or 10 years. 

Sorry, but you're asking for advice. And you're getting a consistent message back. It may not be what you want to hear, but people aren't telling you it's a bad idea just cause they want to mess with your head. They're telling you it's a bad idea because they (we) want to help you, and keep you from making a mistake that can affect the rest of your life. It's your choice whether you accept the advice you've been given. I wish you nothing but the best, in any case. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

jrice94 said:


> I hope it isn't too late to change classes, the school has a 3 day policy


If it is, she can move her seat. Students that sit in the front (in plain sight of the instructor) typically don't get messed with.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

How old is she? 12?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

jrice94 said:


> It's not a done deal it's just a consideration


I second what PBear said. You came here for advice and most of us are over over 40 so we're older and wiser than you are. We KNOW what you're getting yourself into if you let this girl move in with you after only 7 months of dating. You're doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know you feel responsible for her but you're not. She is responsible for her.

Support her and give her advice just do NOT let her move in with you that's all I'm saying.

If you agree to this after all of us here have said it's a bad idea then yes bookmark this site and come back when you're ready to hear we told you so.


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> I second what PBear said. You came here for advice and most of us are over over 40 so we're older and wiser than you are. We KNOW what you're getting yourself into if you let this girl move in with you after only 7 months of dating. You're doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know you feel responsible for her but you're not. She is responsible for her.
> 
> Support her and give her advice just do NOT let her move in with you that's all I'm saying.
> 
> If you agree to this after all of us here have said it's a bad idea then yes bookmark this site and come back when you're ready to hear we told you so.


 thanks for the advice


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

Toffer said:


> How old is she? 12?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


18


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

school faculty --> campus security --> local law enforcement (restraining order).


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

PBear said:


> I don't mean to offend with the following post, but...
> 
> You're asking for a lifetime of hurt. You're both too young, too immature, and you haven't gotten to know each other well enough to seriously consider moving in together. If you do chose to do this, make sure you bookmark this site so you can come back in 5 or 10 years.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


While I agree in this situation is not a reason to move in together, but I do not think 18 is too young or "immature" to make that commitment, nor do I think 7 months is too early. Is everyone at that age or within that time limit ready? Of course not. Can it work, of course it can. Do I think this couple is ready? Absolutely not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

If you are under 18 then go ahead and beat the piss out of the guy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Tikii said:


> While I agree in this situation is not a reason to move in together, but I do not think 18 is too young or "immature" to make that commitment, nor do I think 7 months is too early. Is everyone at that age or within that time limit ready? Of course not. Can it work, of course it can. Do I think this couple is ready? Absolutely not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't say that nobody is ready to move in together at 18, or at dating for 7 months. I said the OP and his partner weren't ready. 

Btw, OP... You say that SHE wants to move in with you. How exactly does she think that will solve her bullying problem? And I'm asking because I'm curious about her motivations, not to be a jerk. I'm leaning towards the idea that she doesn't like her home life and is looking for a way out. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

PBear said:


> I didn't say that nobody is ready to move in together at 18, or at dating for 7 months. I said the OP and his partner weren't ready.
> 
> Btw, OP... You say that SHE wants to move in with you. How exactly does she think that will solve her bullying problem? And I'm asking because I'm curious about her motivations, not to be a jerk. *I'm leaning towards the idea that she doesn't like her home life and is looking for a way out*.
> 
> ...


Bingo.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Tikii said:


> She needs to deal with this on her own. She needs to ignore this kid and go to the staff at school. Chances are she is exaggerating, to make you feel bad for her and that's just a recipe for drama. I think it's best to stay out of if and let her resolve this on her own before getting anywhere further in the relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And chances are good that she is not exaggerating, and she really has a serious problem. If she's being bullied, the last thing she needs is the OP throwing his hands up saying "deal with it yourself".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Telling her she can't move in, that she needs to deal with it through adults within her school and ignoring the guy, is hardly throwing your hands up. She likely is being bullied, but there's a very good chance she is exaggerating to get a better response like most teen girls do at some point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Tikii said:


> Telling her she can't move in, that she needs to deal with it through adults within her school and ignoring the guy, is hardly throwing your hands up. She likely is being bullied, but there's a very good chance she is exaggerating to get a better response like most teen girls do at some point.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


most teen girls????? Give me a break. Teen girls getting bullied by guys is very real. Happened to me. I was a freshman, he was a junior, and he made my life hell. He beat the crap out of me on a daily basis. None of my friends wanted to get involved and my parents didn't care. 

OP, you don't have to live with her, but please do not listen to anyone suggesting that she is manipulating you and exaggerating. Support her and help her get the courage to stand up to that guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

You obviously aren't reading. No one is saying she is making it up, or that she isn't being bullied. We are simply pointing out the fact that it's likely she is exaggerating, since it's obvious she's using it as a means to get him to move her in. No one has said he shouldn't support her, we are addressing the issue of living together...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jrice94 (Jan 4, 2013)

she's been alone at home like this all her life so i doubt very much that at age 18, 6 months from graduating, that she would suddenly get the idea to manipulate me to get me to move her in. She never had this problem before why start now?


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Just because she just started bringing the idea before you, doesn't mean it is a new idea or that she isn't manipulating. 

I think you'll be making a huge mistake moving her in, but it's your choice. She is obviously immatureand moving her in, isn't going to change the situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

jrice94 said:


> she's been alone at home like this all her life so i doubt very much that at age 18, 6 months from graduating, that she would suddenly get the idea to manipulate me to get me to move her in. She never had this problem before why start now?


Okay here is my confession I did this to my boyfriend at the age of 18. I HATED my childhood and like your girlfriend it has been that way for all of my life. I was looking for a way out and my then boyfriend had an apartment so I SUCKERED him into letting me move in with him and yes I used some sob story to get him to do it.

And yes the idea suddenly came to me - it wasn't like I'd been thinking of it the whole time I was growing up. All I knew was I wanted OUT and I was willing to do that by whatever means necessary.

I'm not proud of what I did but I'm saying yes I absolutely exaggerated to get what I wanted.


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