# For Those Who Do Face Book.....



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

What is the appeal? Why is it so captivating? How many hours do you spend on there daily? I'm just trying to understand. I guess I don't see its allure. My stbx spent time on there before he moved out. And now he can't even focus on work for having to be on there. It seems he is always on there typing. Our business is not in very good shape for a number of reasons. Yesterday I identified yet another reason. He is spending four out of 10 hours during the work day on there (doing whatever you all do on there). 

I received another penalty (for $1000) yesterday for paperwork not being turned in by the deadline. He had two months in which to do it. In addition to that, our payroll is double what others are in the industry. If our business is to survive, I need him off of FB and actually working. Any ideas on breaking the habit?


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Facebook is the only account I have online under my real name. I only connect to high school friends, real life friends, and relatives. I read their daily blurbs on their wall, and occasionally get a new friend add on, and a few friendly PM's. That's it, it takes me maybe 1 minutes a day. On this forum, I can spend an hour a day, reading and posting. In the past, I was an online addict and instant message and chatted for hours a day. It was a true addcition where I knew it was too much and a huge distraction, but I could not stay away. It was worse than drugs. Since Facebook does have a chat feature, I bet your Hubby is chatting with Facebook friends. I think it has online games too, but I never tried them. He needs to separate work from leisure. Going cold turkey may be the only option. I did it by finding less active sites, and not pm anyone.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I am on FB (MS, several forums, emails, dozens of simultaneous web pages). 

During the business day, I have some time to browse them and catch up. In the evenings and weekend, same thing. (yeah, I know...no life  )

I only use FB and MS for keeping up with friends & family. The forums to learn and share. The emails to keep contact with friends not on other services. 

These do not consume my time, but occupy my SPARE time. I certainly wouldn't put any of them before a SO!

As for breaking the habit...I'd say get rid of the computer but if it's in the business, you probably can't. 

Can you remove/cancel internet access? Or possibly using something like Netnanny to block access.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

*Sensitive & dcrim*, thanks for the responses. I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I know I will say something today because I'm beyond fed up with him. I don't know what I'm going to say though. Yet, another stressful day in store for me. The computers are an integral part of the business, so they must stay. I'm not sure Net Nanny would work. He is a computer whiz, so he would find a way to disable it. In addition, he would just use his iphone. I'm pretty sure he is chatting with girl friends and family, so it's a tough situation all the way around. There is also a game on there which I've seen him playing a lot. He needs to do those activities outside of work though.


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## XiaSulin (Jul 5, 2009)

I go on Facebook once a month or longer lol. I try to get on regularly for a friend that asked, but I fail to do so.

There is nothing in my mind magical about facebook. They offer no music, their pages aren't customizable so no fun trying to practice php or html, and everyone in your list knows what you post to everyone else, and it's really hard to figure out how 'not' to let that default. 

I get tired of hearing Bob kissed Lucy in the update of friends pages.

So I don't see why it's captivating but...maybe it's the social aspect. I think it's the people and the connection, the social aspect. So maybe that's why. I can't get into the Myspace/Facebook/Social gathering things. But I think it's a keep in touch thing, that was the only reason I ever made an account with them, and even if I don't go on much, I know a lot of people who are obsessed with checking their mail.

I don't know about your husband. I know that one time I was really addicted to another website. I don't know why but I kept going back and then well...the 'hype' died out on it's own. So maybe it'll die out with your husband, but if it doesn't, or if you want to do something about it. Maybe you should bring it to his attention, and try to compromise something with him.


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

My wife I believe is addicted to Facebook.

She will stay up all hours of the night (Ive heard she sometimes posts as 5:30 in the morning). Then she cant get up with the kids. they have to bother her till she will get up.

Unacceptable.

Lord only knows who she was talking to and what she was saying. Its how she got hooked up with her new pal. A reconnect with an old friend.

Facebook can be very dangerous to relationships, especially with those who cant handle it properly.

Im not fan. Never have been, never will be.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

What is the appeal? 
~~~ I have no idea what people see in it, far as I can tell
lots of attention seekers.

Why is it so captivating? 
~~~ I ask the same thing.

How many hours do you spend on there daily? 
I'm just trying to understand. I guess I don't see its allure. 

~~~ me either but I am not trying to impress anyone or people I hardly know.

Any ideas on breaking the habit?
~~~ you could try looking into a program that will not allow for its use. Or change the configurations on your computer so it won't let him into the site.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Interesting that this subject came up today.


MSN Careers - Social Media Pitfalls - Career Advice Article


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

My husbands adult daughter is on all those social networking sites, she is half naked in some of her pictures, drunk in others and making out with girls in others.
Husband told her she would be sorry because it could prevent her from getting a good job, into college.. etc...
so she put them on private. LOL !!!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> Interesting that this subject came up today.
> 
> 
> MSN Careers - Social Media Pitfalls - Career Advice Article


Interesting--although not exactly my problem. He can pose in the nude on there for all I care. I just want him to do all of that on his time. He needs to work while at work; that's a tall order though.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

can't you set your computer not to go to the site? in many businesses they set the computers like that.

if you can't do it yourself, maybe you can hire someone to do it...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It seems I'm not the only one who just doesn't get it. Glad I have plenty of company there. I've got to leave for work now. I know I'm going to say something to him about it. I guess we will be having fireworks in the South again today!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

preso said:


> can't you set your computer not to go to the site? in many businesses they set the computers like that.
> 
> if you can't do it yourself, maybe you can hire someone to do it...


When it comes to computers he is a genius. He would just fix the little inconvenience and be back at it. Or he will use his iphone.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

you could always do what millions of wives/ husbands, GF's and BF's do and make up a fake profile and contact him to see what he does on the site.
lol


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I use FB to keep up with old HS friends, and family. I'm on it maybe 10-15 minutes a day.

My wife, on the other hand, spends an hour or so a day on FB, the farm town thing has her hooked.

Neither of us message people constantly on there.

FB is blocked at work (but TAM is not?), so I can't get on it at work anyway as your husband does.


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## SFladybug (May 25, 2009)

Wow, how infuriating that your husband spends so much time on this type of stuff instead of helping you and he out of a difficult financial situation. It sounds as if he is overwhelmed by reality and prefers to "socialize" instead of concentrating on what he can do to improve your situation. My husband can get like that (we work together also) when he is depressed, he spends lots more time on the internet looking at all kinds of stuff to buy or probably porn as well. When you can see how this behavior affects your economic survival it can/does cause fireworks!! I never spend time at work on socializing or even this site. I prefer to concentrate on what I need to do. I have been exploring linkedin and twitter more to see what type of marketing etc can be accomplished, but I am not a social networker so it does not really affect my time on task. I have never been able to figure out how to effectively "curtail" my husband's behavior that I don't like or understand. All I can offer is 
1) Ask him to do a "time on task" weekly time report or install some type of software that tracks "billable" work. Then discuss this after a couple of weeks of history. Sometimes when employees are forced to track time, they do get more productive.
2) "Fire" him and see if there is anyone you can hire to do his job. 
3) Then tell him to move out and grow up. Maybe having to take care of his own responsibilities would show him how much he has veered into fantasy land.

Hope your fireworks at least cleared the way for a solution. Good luck!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

My KIDS keep wanting me to do FB and I have no desire whatsoever. Not sure why. Just seems too open...


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

For me, the appeal is in being able to chat in real time with friends you don't get to see, at a time that is convenient to both of you. With phone calls, you can often call at a bad time (and sometimes chats lead to phone calls since you are both free if you see each other on FB). With people who can be very funny, it's a different way to share humor--almost like an interactive stand up comedy routine with two people (sometimes phone calls are like that, but conversation tends to be more "real life" centered, I've noticed.) I only chat much with people who make me laugh a lot, and I do the same for them--make them laugh. Also, kids and other background noise is less of a problem since the other person can't hear them and the noise doesn't make it hard to read or type. 

I only check FB occasionally at work during my lunch. I'm too busy and so are most of the people I know. I like it in the evening, instead of watching TV. It has cut into my reading time, but I still read too and of course always will. I'd rather chat than watch TV, however.


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## Heidiw (Jul 2, 2009)

Facebook is not my life but I am on it. I keep friends posted about my weight loss & other events going on in my life. My friends are coworkers, graduate students from our college program, weight loss people, & high school friends (no exbf's). 

Unfortunately, my DH is on there but I am not his friend. But his online girlfriend is & stated that she is in a relationship with him. She also made sure to make it extremely public which I know was for my benefit. He didn't know that she had done that until today. His is private so no one but he approves can read it. She has his password so she put eveything together on his book with out telling him. 

God I love facebook. She pretty much burned him by doing what she did. lol


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

*Update*--I did bring up the little problem to him at work. He didn't have much to say. He stayed off of FB for most of the morning. However, by 2pm he was right back at it. It is clearly an addiction (right along with spending money). I don't know what else to do. The poor divorce lawyer has had a time trying to stop his OCD with spending money. I could just see me calling the attorney about the FB OCD!

I still just don't see the intrigue with FB or MS. Sure I got accounts; but, I never did a darn thing with them. None of my friends do them, so what's the point.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I was on FB for a long time before my friends got on, and I never used it then. It's all about who else is on. 

Can your attorney get copies of you dh's FB use (through subpoenas)? Maybe being shown how much he is on will shock your dh into reality. Maybe not, but worth a try. Good luck.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I am on facebook, I have contacted some really old friends from when I was little. I love it, we ahve gotten together.

I guess it can be addictive for some, I just update every so often when I log onto my Iphone in the morning.

takes me 2 minutes to read old messages and update my status.

not big on the "games" they ahve on there like mafia wars and vampire quest. Not for me.

But connecting to old friends, yep love it.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I am down on FB right now. I was on it but it was such a turn off to see how some people on it behave that it made me feel really immature just to be on it too. My marriage counselor said that to some people (especially ADHD adults) it is like a drug and gives them that shot of dopamine that keeps them high. My wife used to stay on it for hours. In the evening she would be on it playing games or chatting with friends, sometime guy friends that I didn't like. She was (is) a junky. A lot of people are in it for the vanity, posting every single little detail of their lives about 20 times a day. It's sad. Some people are even starting to check in and give the location they are at throughout their day. It is TOTAL VANITY. People become addicted. It is like one of those crazes that you see junior high kids get hooked on and before you know it most of the ids in the school are doing it - then its gone. People are throwing away everything being obsessed by FB, Myspace, texting, or whatever.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

827Aug said:


> What is the appeal? Why is it so captivating? How many hours do you spend on there daily?


I spend about 1/2 hour per day total. I like being able to know what is going on in the lives of people who are special to me and keep in contact with people I would not otherwise keep in contact with. I have people I used to know from high school and college. My first job. The first person to ask me to marry him! He and his wife and DH and I are good friends. He is an awesome human being. No threat to each other at all though.




> I'm just trying to understand. I guess I don't see its allure.


There are things I cannot understand. I would love it if someone could explain the appeal of farmville.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

There are a lot of drama queens who like to post how bad their lives are or do vaguebooking to get a bunch of appeals ... oh Whats WRONG?!?!? I hide those people so I don't see them.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Wow! This is one of my old threads which has resurfaced today. Well, I don't have to worry about FB any longer. Our store closed and the estranged husband is now working for someone. It is funny though. His new employer doesn't allow him to talk on the cell phone, text message, IM, or be on FB. Life must be a real drag now! lol


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Its a addiction I truely believe it is with some people.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> Its a addiction I truely believe it is with some people.


The devil made her do it. Or the booze. Or the crack. Or the facebook. Good lord is there any new way we can blame our or other people's behavior on something ELSE. Holy entitled society, batman.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

It is most definatley an addiction with some people. Our psychologist said with some people (especially ADHD) it is like a drug. She also said that texting can be an addiction to people with ADHD because every time that little bell sounds they get a much needed shot of dopamine. If that is the case can it actually be considered a physical addiction?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

827Aug said:


> What is the appeal? Why is it so captivating? How many hours do you spend on there daily? I'm just trying to understand. I guess I don't see its allure.


 I also do not find much allure, never been addicted to Face Book. I log in long enough to check my email, sometimes check what my College bound son is up to & sometimes I leave it open for chat -incase anyone rings me. Only randomly do I read the Newsfeed. But I still enjoy having it & would never get rid of it. It is also fun to be friend requested, and I have always enjoyed sharing Pictures with others. I am forever the photographer, the Mom with the SLR everywhere we go. I used to make reprints for all my friends/family, now I just use Facebook! 

I have somewhat of a nosey nature (don't we all?) so I find it interesting to peek on others profiles once in a while -check to see what an old friend is up to, sometimes commenting on an intreguing post. But it seems most post about the most mundane things, that I just get very bored with it. I have ZERO interest in any of the facebook games / points, etc. 

I have always been much more interested in various anonymous internet forums.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

We are a military family. My mother and brother and my husbands family all live on the west coast, I also keep in touch with friends from living at MCAS Miramar and childhood friends and use it to promote my business by posting recent sessions for my photography on my business page. Its a good way for me to share photos and when DH was deployed he could check it to see what our daily activities were when he couldn't call and we could use the chat as well. 

I also get notices for local events and base events since I have the various pages liked.


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## rsted222 (Jan 27, 2011)

I think it's unhealthy to be on there that long. I do facebook and spend about 30 minutes a day on it. There's some "friends" of mine that post all day on there. I think that means they're looking for something.

Not a huge deal, but I would want to know why he needs to be on there so much.



Don't Hate Hubby


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## car7270 (Jan 27, 2011)

Facebook, I believe ruined my marriage. It gave my wife an opportunity to see reconnect with certain people who took advantage of the fact that she was going through a mid life crisis of some sort. Instead of working on whatever was wrong in her life she chose the easy way out and now I am left alone, separated and miserable. She even left our children here with me. Bad news facebook!


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I spend very little time on FB. I check in on my daughter, since that's usually the only form of communication from her. I check out the recent photos my other daughter puts up about my grandson. That's about it. Takes me 5 mins at the most. I spend WAY more time here.


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## Anne1 (Nov 19, 2010)

I used to go on to play farmville. Got to a stage where I realized it takes up to an hour a day, time I don't have to waste. I stopped it immediately. No I go on FB maybe once every 3-4 months. My husband spend quite a bit of time on there, lately he also stopped. Other friends will spend hours a day. One friend will wait till midnight when h is sleeping. Stupid. There is a lot of dangers on Fb. My h ex girlfriend tried to connect with him. This is a girl that told him one good session of sex and he'll forget all about me, while she is married herself. I had to log in for him and have his password so he is not using FB for anything except communicating with friends and family but I still think it's an evil.


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## Nibiru (Jan 26, 2011)

Reading through the 3 preceding pages, and other posts about Facebook, it seems the consensus of opinion of sensible people, is that FB is actually ANTI-social - it isolates users from the real world, and those around them, drawing them into a virtual world where they believe they are paid more attention by other internetholics who likewise spend very little time living a real life.

What must be interesting is to witness what happens when these e-holics decide to abandon their real-life family and friends, to meet up with that very special, witty, online lover, in real life.
Both, being so addicted to Facebook, would get bored with each other, and themselves, within a week or less, I bet. :wtf:


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I spend about 1/2 hour per day total. I like being able to know what is going on in the lives of people who are special to me and keep in contact with people I would not otherwise keep in contact with. I have people I used to know from high school and college. My first job. The first person to ask me to marry him! He and his wife and DH and I are good friends. He is an awesome human being. No threat to each other at all though.
> 
> 
> 
> There are things I cannot understand. I would love it if someone could explain the appeal of farmville.


Your a good women!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Nibiru said:


> Reading through the 3 preceding pages, and other posts about Facebook, it seems the consensus of opinion of sensible people, is that FB is actually ANTI-social - it isolates users from the real world, and those around them, drawing them into a virtual world where they believe they are paid more attention by other internetholics who likewise spend very little time living a real life.
> 
> What must be interesting is to witness what happens when these e-holics decide to abandon their real-life family and friends, to meet up with that very special, witty, online lover, in real life.
> Both, being so addicted to Facebook, would get bored with each other, and themselves, within a week or less, I bet. :wtf:


lol so true!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Nibiru said:


> Reading through the 3 preceding pages, and other posts about Facebook, it seems the consensus of opinion of sensible people, is that FB is actually ANTI-social - it isolates users from the real world, and those around them, drawing them into a virtual world where they believe they are paid more attention by other internetholics who likewise spend very little time living a real life.
> 
> What must be interesting is to witness what happens when these e-holics decide to abandon their real-life family and friends, to meet up with that very special, witty, online lover, in real life.
> Both, being so addicted to Facebook, would get bored with each other, and themselves, within a week or less, I bet. :wtf:


I've never thought about the problem from that perspective. That is funny! It's actually kind of ironic. The estranged husband at one point complained I had become boring. I wonder how exciting some of those dates were with FB buddies. How's that for a common bond--"we are both avid FBers". Don't believe that one will survive the test of time.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

I don't really do fb. I think it's been a couple of months now since I've been on that.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I do facebook.  But I have family in the Midwest, the east coast, the wild west and here on the west coast, and I keep up with them all on facebook. I also have a page for our website on facebook so I post on there every day at least one thought or question. Then I have picked two games that I play to "destress"--Farmville and It Girl. Farmville I have 9 billion neighbors and all, yet in real life I grew up on a farm and I enjoy the aspect of growing grapes to work in my winery...growing flowers to decorate my cottage, etc. I keep it the size I keep it and keep plunking away at it while others "go nuts." For It Girl--in real life I am not much of a fashion maven or a clothes horse. I wear jeans, tops, flat leather boots or tennies...kind of boring. But in It Girl I can shop and dress up and be all girly! 

Silly I know but it doesn't interrupt my real life. If anything I stay more in touch with the kids and the aunts and uncles. I spend WAAAAAAAAY more time here, reading and replying.


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## Nibiru (Jan 26, 2011)

Facebook is now being blamed in the US and the U.K., as the single biggest contributing cause for divorces.
It's dangerous at the fingertips of emotionally immature, irresponsible, attention-seeking individuals, imho.

It's disappointing to see that _THIS_ website has a link to Facebook, in light of these new revelations about its role in breaking up couples.


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