# Starting a relationship with a long time best friend of the opposite sex.



## IndecisiveLady (Aug 22, 2011)

HI,
I'm new here and I'm looking for some advice.
I dated a guy for 3 years and while I dated him I met one of his best friends. His best friend and I had lots in common & became best friends as well. We got along so well there was always some sexual tension. When I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years I was scared to even try and start something with this guy. I didn't feel it was right to my ex. Years have gone by and every time it seems I wonder more about him he's in a relationship and when he seems to wonder about me Im in a relationship. 
We still talk all the time and he calls me pet names and we say I love you at the end of conversations. 

Currently we live 3 hours away & i'm now getting out of a long term 4 year relationship with another man. 
When I told him my current relationship was over he wanted to immediately come and visit me. 

I'm so unsure if I should consider seeing him. Because we get along SOOO well and we are best friends. We can just sit and laugh and watch commercials and have a blast. IS this what it's supposed to be like? Will this ruin our friendship if it doesn't work out?
I'm also worried because he doesn't have a great deal of ambition and a sense of responsibility in life. Those 2 things tend to turn me off. Am I being fussy? Shouldn't I marry my best friend over someone who is ambitious & responsible but I don't necessarily get along with that well?

I'm very confused!!

Thanks SOO much for all of your insight!


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

It sounds like you're very attracted to him but it also sounds like he's not the kind of man you want to marry. I think your last sentence is disingenuous. You may meet someone else who is your "best friend" and is responsible. It's not a given you have to have one or the other. You have to decide what you really want. My advice is to not compromise your principles in order to go out with your best friend. There are many threads on here about dead-beat husbands who's wives are frustrated. Imagine finding yourself with a child and this man still delivering pizza at 50! Now many would say if you love someone it won't matter but it doesn't sound like you're there. Think about this one.


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## IndecisiveLady (Aug 22, 2011)

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your insight. I'm glad you feel i'm not being overly fussy or picky.
I would like to add that he is a General Manager of a Pub/Restaurant chain. He's not just a pizza delivery man.. but to me it's not enough ambition. He's still on shift work, working late nights. I work in the professional industry 9-5 job downtown. I'd love to be with someone with the same shifts as me so that we have time for each other.
Now is that being picky?
Thanks again.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You sound like my friend with our friend T. He was my ex....and 12 years later, after they kept up a good friendship, they got married 

They have a baby now and are very happy! I didn't care that they hooked up TWELVE years later. lollll That would be silly.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

What does he say about his job? Is he happy with managing a restaurant? I would say don't ascribe your definition of success to him. You're a professional woman but keep in mind someone can be completely happy doing something else. I have a friend who was in a highly skilled job making a great deal of money and traveling. He wasn't happy, however. Today he has a landscaping business. He says he's happy because he spends more time with his kids and he is making a living. If this guy complains about his job, talks about doing other things but never does then that is one thing. However, if he loves what he does then understand that to him he's successful.


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