# help, am i heading towards seperation.divorce



## jensenlun (Sep 21, 2010)

My husband has come to me and said that he is in need of a one month mental break from everything and everyone. He says he does not want to loose me or our daughter and has every intention to return home. He feels like he needs to find himself, and only finding himself will help him be a better father and husband. I'm trying to be very supportive, but I can't help but to heel abandon, he keeps stressing to me that its not me, its him and that I should not take this personally as he still loves me and knows that he wants to be with me.

I seek to this forum because i just don't know what to do. Should I let him break from his family for a month, with no communication? should I stand ground and assure him that if he walks away from this family, we will not be here when he returns? after all i can't stop him from going.

I've read several books and forums and all point to find distraction and try to make the best of life. but its hard, its hard to feel not wanted.


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## garfmunch (May 28, 2009)

I went through something similar last year, where my wife decided that she had reached an impass and didn't know how she felt about anything. She moved out into an apartment. She didn't want to lose contact and such. The one thing we did do, was see seperate counselors etc.. I had some issues to address and she worked through hers. At a point we then did couples counseling, in the end she has moved back into the house and feels that things are better now between us. 

I would suggest counseling!


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## jensenlun (Sep 21, 2010)

He told me that he wants to see a counselor and then a couple's counselor. its good to know that all might not be lost and that I just need to be supportive. 

how long was your wife out of the house for? did she come home willingly?


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## garfmunch (May 28, 2009)

Lets see, she moved out in July of last year and i want to say she started living in the house again sometime in September, but finally cancelled her lease on her apartment that December. We started going to couples counseling in September last year. I want to say the stuff hit the fan sometime in May last year. 

I know how you feel though, its like being punch in the gut, one moment you think things are fine and then they drop that on you. A few months prior to all of it, she had told me how happy she was .. so yeah I was surprised. 

As long as he states that counseling is something he wants to do, that's great ... I would suggest you going as well ..


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## jensenlun (Sep 21, 2010)

glad to know I'm not alone, makes it feel a little better. I'm definitely going to see a counselor. 

it may or may not be hard to understand, but your words have gave me a positive outlook on my relationship and encourage me to follow the right path, patience!

thank you.


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## garfmunch (May 28, 2009)

Glad I was able to give you some sort of words of encouragment  The best thing is to communicate how you feel. 

one thing I learned, is you are only in control of your actions/emotions.


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

I realize you're afraid... but no sense in forcing him to stay. Something is telling him to be alone for a bit and forcing him to stay might make things worse.
You could ask him if theres an alternative you two could come up with that might help him with a new frame of mind that doesnt force you into isolation? for example: move? new jobs & new scenery? or ask him if he wants to try a seperate vacation?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jensenlun (Sep 21, 2010)

the more days past the more he opens up to me. I have taken the live happy route and I feel sad sometimes because he isn't at my level, which I understand, he's very confused. he revealed to me that he had realize he had fallen out of love with me, but after seeing my changes he's feeling the love, but at the same time it confuses him more. i asked him if he wanted me to back off and he said, no, that he liked how I was acting, but at the same time its all very shocking and doesn't know how to take it. he feels bad that he can't hold my hand or hug me because he wants too, he does it because I initiate it. Off coarse his words can hurt me sometimes, but I feel that by expressing his true feeling out, he can move on. at least that is what i keep telling myself. am I wrong for thinking this way?


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