# "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoughts?



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*"Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoughts?*








...I see these quoted often here with disdain...feeling any man who thinks like this -is inviting doormat-ism into his life, he'll be paying for it down the road....others would think that obviously his wife RUNS HIM...
Someone needs to get him a copy of *>>*







quick ! 

I'm going to say. .. Hold on.... it depends.. a # of times I've brought this up to my husband, because of the backlash of this phrase (of course I understand many ARE being taken advantage of -this causes anger & much hurt..and these men need THAT BOOK.. need to turn the temperature DOWN, show there will be some consequences, and loss of affections, etc)... ALL FOR THAT !.....The "Princess Syndrome" is very ugly & ruins relationships...

On the other side of the coin (where Princess Syndrome is not at play)...there are men who ascribe to it (my Husband is one!)....it hasn't destructed our lives...causing him to be seething in a corner somewhere worshiping the QUEEN, while I throw him scraps.. 

His caring for me, how I feel -no matter what we are going through, infertility the hardest.. I look back.. it has only held my admiration for him... when he loves on me, shows he cares for my happiness... why wouldn't I want to give back... isn't it supposed to work this way?? ...
As wives...we need to feel this way in return *>> *







..Would the man argue this will work against us? 

I thought I would open this up and get a little deeper as to WHY, even relationship experts feel there IS truth to this.. 

The Nora Batty effect: how a happy wife means a happy life - Telegraph



> The reason, they concluded, could be that women who consider their marriage happy are more likely to care for their husband, including feeding him and doing the housework, enhancing his general quality of life.
> 
> Happily married women are also more likely to boost their husband’s ego by praising him and less likely to give him the kind of tongue-lashing the broom-wielding Nora Batty specialised in doling out, they noted.
> 
> Men by contrast take a more “silent approach” to emotional matters and are less likely to communicate their feelings – good or bad – to their wives, they said.



Study Finds That 'Happy Wife, Happy Life' Is Pretty Dead On ...


> A quick summary of this article ....Men who are unhappily married may still be 'happy' with their lives overall -- so long as their wives are satisfied with their marriages... Wives happiness didn't seem AS AFFECTED by their husbands' satisfaction.. (I wouldn't say that is always true!)
> 
> The author feels men are more likely to sit in their chair & silently stew about things before outright complaining.. whereas WOMEN ...well.. when we're unhappy... (disclaimer here - can I say MANY OF US)...we nag, we complain, we sh** test (article didn't say this.. I thought I'd throw that in)...we make it KNOWN.. only a very disengaged husband wouldn't notice our dissatisfaction ....if it's not verbal.. we will become resentful, start withholding SUPPORT...become colder, shut off the sex, rolling our eyes, calling our GF's to complain.. etc..


New Study: Happy Wife, Happy Life - ABC News


> This article said "Relationship satisfaction is linked in different ways to men's and women's abilities to read each other's emotions, and it seems to relate more to positive emotions for men and to negative emotions for women," ...."Men's satisfaction was tied to his ability to identify when his wife / girlfriend is happy, but not when she is angry or upset."...
> 
> Going on to say "When men felt willing to express their anger or frustration, women took that as a sign that their partners were investing in the relationship...For most women studied, this translated into a sense of security or happiness for the women.
> 
> ...


Correct me if I am wrong.. but Isn't this true ....what was being laid out in the last article here... that men have more of a tendency to SHUT DOWN when women are negative, nagging, whiny....they respond MORE SO TO our happiness -our satisfaction... it DOES create a more fulfilling experience when the WOMAN IS HAPPY.. not being negative all the time.. at the very least. 

I think we could agree on that.. this doesn't mean however, she should get whatever she wants.. not everyone is reasonable.. some of us are spoiled rotten.. we expect too much.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Emotional Terrorism.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

I remember my H saying his father treated his mom like a queen.

His mother in turn told me she had never told him (H's dad) no for sex.

One of those things that make you go mmmmmmm.......


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

So... men should stand up for themselves more and let their wives know when they are unsatisfied with something. 

And women should curb their tempers and praise their husbands more. 

^ That sounds right to me!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Ugh, I hate those sayings. This is the kind of home I grew up in and I swore it wouldn't be the same when I had my own family. I just remember me, my brother and my dad tip toeing around mom all the time.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



> men have more of a tendency to SHUT DOWN when women are negative, nagging, whiny....they respond MORE SO TO our happiness


I think this is true. With my ex, this was the case. And it didn't matter what I did - or did not - do: she was negative. After a long time of putting up with her negativity, I gave it back - for making me unhappy, I responded in kind to give her a taste of her attitude, until I finally left since she didn't learn anything from it.


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



soccermom2three said:


> Ugh, I hate those sayings. This is the kind of home I grew up in and I swore it wouldn't be the same when I had my own family. I just remember me, my brother and my dad tip toeing around mom all the time.


Ha! Bing frickin' O. There's way too much of this to settle for a blanket statement about happy wives. 

In a reciprocal relationship it makes sense. Too often the phase is taken as an entitlement by the woman. And the underlying unsaid notion is that he should be making her happy. Can't happen.

~ Passio


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



soccermom2three said:


> *Ugh, I hate those sayings. This is the kind of home I grew up in and I swore it wouldn't be the same when I had my own family. I just remember me, my brother and my dad tip toeing around mom all the time.*


Here is what I would like to understand.. I guess I personally take these sayings with a grain of salt.. they don't offend me.. they don't offend my husband either.. but they SEEM to offend MANY PEOPLE when it's spoken...

The saying has been "stereotyped", hasn't it !!... that it's automatically a Good hearted family man (generally) who is bowing to a mean spirited demanding wife.... 

Sounds all that walking on egg shells (that tip toeing) didn't make your Mother any happier then? That's the thing.. if the man's Goodness, treating her well / showing he cares doesn't bring out *the best* in his wife...with it coming back to him in appreciation....there are just more problems there.. it should be reciprocal.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



soccermom2three said:


> Ugh, I hate those sayings. This is the kind of home I grew up in and I swore it wouldn't be the same when I had my own family. I just remember me, my brother and my dad tip toeing around mom all the time.


Wow, spot on. Funny enough, I used my parents (in terms of as a married couple while they were married) as an example of how I would NOT let my marriage be.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

In general, you could argue that if one person in a relationship is happy that it will likely carry over in some form to the other person/relationship as a whole, whether it be the male or female.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



SimplyAmorous said:


> The saying has been "stereotyped", hasn't it !!... that it's automatically a Good hearted family man (generally) who is bowing to a mean spirited demanding wife....


I think that's inevitable with a saying like that. It's frequently used and doesn't address a man's happiness at all except for via his wife. Implying that if his life sucks it's because he isn't making his wife happy.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



zillard said:


> I think that's inevitable with a saying like that. It's frequently used and doesn't address a man's happiness at all except for via his wife. Implying that if his life sucks it's because he isn't making his wife happy.


Yes, I don't care for it because it's all about making one person happy instead of each other happy. Like the wife/mom can only make the family happy if everyone makes her happy first.


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

These phrases are problematic because they are rarely offered with a sense of reciprocity.

Also, I love the implicit, and sometimes spoken, other side of this.

Unhappy wife, unhappy life.

From the second article:


Carr said:


> "If a wife is unhappy with her marriage, she's going to do something about it," Carr said. "She might complain; *she might be less forthcoming with love and support.* Men are not the ones to say, 'We need to talk about the relationship.' If they're unhappy, they're going to sit in their chair and stew over it."


Also:


Carr said:


> One reason for this discrepancy in happiness, Carr explained, is that if a man is unhappy in the relationship but the wife is happy, she's more likely to provide him benefits that enhance his overall life -- she'll engage in sexual relations, provide emotional support and take on household chores.
> 
> As for why women's happiness doesn't seem to be affected by their husbands' marital satisfaction, Carr conjectured that wives generally have no idea if husbands are happy with marriages or not because men aren't socialized to discuss feelings, good or bad.


With the irony of course, often repeated throughout these studies, being that women do not often notice whether or not their husbands are actually happy, and regardless if they do, their satisfaction with life is generally less influenced by said husband's happiness.

Not really sure what to think about that one.

And honestly, I really do hate that second article.

Carr takes some personal (Men do not know how to communicate and women bring all the good stuff to marriage anyways) issues she has with marriage and gender relations and then uses a somewhat related study that actually says _something else_ to backdoor her issues into the article.

At the end of the day I find "Happy Wife, Happy Life," to be little more than nonsensical garbage.

It should more appropriately read, "Happy Wife, Less Nagging, Possibly more Sex." :wink2:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Based on reading the entire OP, it seems to mean that if a husband believes his wife is happy, he is more likely to be happy. It isn't about him "making her happy." It is about his belief that she is happy and him doing what he can to bring happiness to her. If nothing makes a woman happy or if she is demanding and difficult to be around, then he would not characterize her as happy and would therefore not feel happy in the relationship.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Good evening
I think that in a loving relationship neither person can be happy unless the other is happy. 

There can be relationships where one person is using the other and doesn't care about their happiness. These are very sad.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



zillard said:


> *I think that's inevitable with a saying like that. It's frequently used and doesn't address a man's happiness at all except for via his wife. Implying that if his life sucks it's because he isn't making his wife happy.*


Ok .. good enough... It's the frequency it's used -not mentioning the man...I didn't read all the "implying" into it.. but I can see how others would..after some of these posts.. 

Looking this up on Google images.. there are many pictures, "country sayings" like this .... so I assume they are hanging on some living room walls , etc... so not everyone is offended ...

I've seen men JOKE with other men about this sort of thing, not necessarily the phrase but it's meaning....and they do it with happy grins on their faces too.. 

Putting all the bad stories aside, women taking advantage, treated like Princesses...men getting crumbs from her table so to speak...

Forget the phrase & it's one sided implications...if it's implied BOTH should care to treat the other well...because we care about the others happiness.. we want this !

I think I've gotten a little hung up here.. when I see this put down .. I tend to think one is implying that -we should reign in our goodness to our wives ...because one shouldn't treat them TOO GOOD... because that always ruins a woman.. Yeah.. I am probably reading this all wrong.. but that's where my mind goes... whereas others are thinking of some AWFUL example they have known...

I have not been looking at *the awful* the way others have brought out here.... Just saying..


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



CynthiaDe said:


> *Based on reading the entire OP, it seems to mean that if a husband believes his wife is happy, he is more likely to be happy. It isn't about him "making her happy." It is about his belief that she is happy and him doing what he can to bring happiness to her. If nothing makes a woman happy or if she is demanding and difficult to be around, then he would not characterize her as happy and would therefore not feel happy in the relationship.*


Yes...this *^^^* .. looking past the phrase itself.. I guess this is the meaning I was gleaming, the







of it.. 

I don't think I am crazy to not see ALL THE BAD... Thank you for this little summary CynthiaDe ! :smile2:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Like most things, the more negative interpretation is the one that people seem to focus on. It seems that a lot of people do not understand what makes a woman happy. (And yes there are some female entitled princess… just as there are some entitled men. But I’m not talking about entitled bunch on the fringes)

When I read the below from one of the articles, what I read is that a woman is happier in a relationship when she can nurture her husband and help him feel better. This fills a woman’s need for emotional intimacy and feeling connected. A man is happier when his wife is happy. I don’t know why this is a bad thing.



> ”There is a certain skill set that goes into a successful marriage, she said, and one of those skills is being able to express positive feelings. The other is being able to discuss negative feelings in a way that is intended to heal and resolve the problems.
> 
> A relationship needs at least one person in it who can help lead a "repair discussion," Heitler said. If neither partner can do that, the hurt does not get resolved, and a bigger and bigger tear forms, she said. At that point in a relationship, "the fabric falls apart," said Heitler.
> 
> Yet since most women tend to enjoy being nurturing, she said, the idea that a woman wants to console or understand when her man feels blue makes sense.”


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EleGirl said:


> Like most things, the more negative interpretation is the one that people seem to focus on. It seems that a lot of people do not understand what makes a woman happy. (And yes there are some female entitled princess… just as there are some entitled men. But I’m not talking about entitled bunch on the fringes)
> 
> When I read the below from one of the articles, *what I read is that a woman is happier in a relationship when she can nurture her husband and help him feel better. This fills a woman’s need for emotional intimacy and feeling connected.* A man is happier when his wife is happy. I don’t know why this is a bad thing.


Speaking for myself here.. I NEED this from A MAN.. I could not be with the emotionally distant type... I would be seeking to get into his world...for intimacies sake.. so yeah.. I felt the article was rather insightful in relation to our happiness.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EleGirl said:


> When I read the below from one of the articles, what I read is that a woman is happier in a relationship when she can nurture her husband and help him feel better. This fills a woman’s need for emotional intimacy and feeling connected. A man is happier when his wife is happy. I don’t know why this is a bad thing.


I think part of the issue, and I can tell you from asking first hand other guys, the saying comes with the perception that "make your wife happy or she will make your life a living hell" (doesn't sound all that rosy lol). Obviously there are many ways you can interpret the saying, just showing one of the most common ways I have seen it associated by guys. Also, I have then heard "Why is there no Happy Husband Happy Life"? When you start combining the two perceptions, of course you will draw upon it negatively.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EllisRedding said:


> I think part of the issue, and I can tell you from asking first hand other guys, the saying comes with the perception that "make your wife happy or she will make your life a living hell" (doesn't sound all that rosy lol). Obviously there are many ways you can interpret the saying, just showing one of the most common ways I have seen it associated by guys. Also, I have then heard "Why is there no Happy Husband Happy Life"? When you start combining the two perceptions, of course you will draw upon it negatively.


I think that it's a stereo type that men use to complain about their wives.

You see, if a woman has an unhappy husband, she's not going to have a happy life. When a man get starts complaining all the time, nagging and being b!tchy, life is not good for his wife.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> EllisRedding said:
> 
> 
> > I think part of the issue, and I can tell you from asking first hand other guys, the saying comes with the perception that "make your wife happy or she will make your life a living hell" (doesn't sound all that rosy lol). Obviously there are many ways you can interpret the saying, just showing one of the most common ways I have seen it associated by guys. Also, I have then heard "Why is there no Happy Husband Happy Life"? When you start combining the two perceptions, of course you will draw upon it negatively.
> ...


I don't necessarily agree with you on that. I know guys who are in happy marriages who feel that is what the saying implies. I am in a happy marriage but that is generally how I have seen the saying pushed across as well. Just because guys don't see the saying the same as you doesn't mean it is because we are complaining about our wives (sounds like a stereotype on your part  )


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Whoever coined the phrase 'happy wife' didn't mean she always gets her way but that's how it gets interpreted. I'll support my wife, try to show empathy when she doesn't feel well, show appreciation most of the time because she's awesome, show disappointment on occasion because she's not perfect, and try to be someone she's proud to be with. That seems like the best recipe for happy to me and so far so good.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Well said @thundarr


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Here is what I would like to understand.. I guess I personally take these sayings with a grain of salt.. they don't offend me.. they don't offend my husband either.. but they SEEM to offend MANY PEOPLE when it's spoken...
> 
> The saying has been "stereotyped", hasn't it !!... that it's automatically a Good hearted family man (generally) who is bowing to a mean spirited demanding wife....
> 
> Sounds all that walking on egg shells (that tip toeing) didn't make your Mother any happier then? That's the thing.. if the man's Goodness, treating her well / showing he cares doesn't bring out *the best* in his wife...with it coming back to him in appreciation....there are just more problems there.. it should be reciprocal.


You're all over this one SA. Yes it has been "stereotyped" in a bad way. And that whole walking on egg shells doesn't make either side happy. It's unfortunate because so long as other things like respect aren't compromised then it's a good rule of thumb. Happy wife; happy husband; sounds happy. Eggshells sound painful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EllisRedding said:


> I don't necessarily agree with you on that. I know guys who are in happy marriages who feel that is what the saying implies. I am in a happy marriage but that is generally how I have seen the saying pushed across as well. Just because guys don't see the saying the same as you doesn't mean it is because we are complaining about our wives (sounds like a stereotype on your part  )


NA, I'm going by all the complaints on this thread by men about wives. >


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



Thundarr said:


> You're all over this one SA. Yes it has been "stereotyped" in a bad way. And that whole walking on egg shells doesn't make either side happy. *It's unfortunate because so long as other things like respect aren't compromised then it's a good rule of thumb. Happy wife; happy husband; sounds happy.* Eggshells sound painful.


Just had a conversation with my Husband about RESPECT...bouncing off of your post here.. just how important that REALLY IS in all of this...in how we treat each other...when we respect someone, we don't talk down about them, we would DEFEND them even ...something in us wants to preserve, even praise them.. I asked him what respect means to him... he came back with the word "honorable"... 

I found this link.. it's a good write up -it's written for MEN in relation to their wives... 

Do You Deserve A Little Respect? 



> Respect is a simple solution to an exceptional marriage. It isn’t as sexy as the others, but it’s a long lasting virtue that should be ingrained in the essence of a husband’s being.
> 
> Here are 3 key elements to respect that you would do well to memorize.
> 
> ...


I found this saying earlier.. my husband really liked it.. 








...I know nothing about that website, didn't click on it.. notice the "Happywivesclub -" ...and some are thinking >


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

I have lived in several areas of the country and this is nothing more than a catchphrase in some places and in others the sole accumulation of relationship advice given to men. There are several phrases that I hear that I feel are degrading to men and women. Some of it has to do with context of where it's said and the meaning behind it.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EleGirl said:


> NA, I'm going by all the complaints on this thread by men about wives. >


Lol. Honestly I wish the "Happy Wife Happy Life" phrase would just die. The way I see it most commonly interpreted I don't see anything healthy about it when it comes to a relationship.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EllisRedding said:


> Lol. *Honestly I wish the "Happy Wife Happy Life" phrase would just die. The way I see it most commonly interpreted I don't see anything healthy about it when it comes to a relationship*.


You said commonly interpreted.... so what about the way I have laid it out here Ellis... I was purposely trying to give another angle.. you don't think I'd want our sons to marry an Entitled Princess do you ...

...so they would be miserable, sucking up to her and wanting to live on the corner of the rooftop ...that's a scripture by the way >> 










.. But at the same time...we don't want to see them face divorce someday... it matters how they treat their girlfriends/ their feelings...someday they may become their wives.....I've seen this play out on both sides ... seeing how a girl wasn't treating our 3rd son RIGHT.. I KNEW the relationship was lopsided ..... I didn't want him to put up with her sh**....we talked about it.. thankfully she broke up with him ...and he learned a lesson in that.. his GF now, so good to him...it's lovely to see...it's a healthy give & take. 

But also I've watched another son hurting his GF, and I don't think he could see it at all...(men can be oblivious sometimes)... I seen the look in her eyes -after the biggest day of her life, she was in a Junior Miss Pageant...he didn't even hug her afterwards..after the show was over...(he was irritated the night dragged on).. nor told her how wonderful she did (and damn it was good!)...he wasn't supportive ENOUGH.. (I was thinking what is wrong with him - I wanted to kick him -his dad noticed it too...feeling he screwed up)....another time he didn't want to go to her Grandmothers for Thanksgiving -after she came to spend time with him at our house... (again I saw the disappointment in her eyes that day, she wasn't asking much).... little things.. but they can take a toll on a woman....the thing about this girl is.. she adores him so much , she makes excuses for HIM ....some conversations with her about it blew me away... I love this GIRL.... but honesty... just cause he's my son doesn't make him infallible... I think she gives MORE over him... 

I won't be partial just cause he's my son...

I'll tell you what offends * me *.. these messages on Pick up Artist sites who down men who are GOOD to women.. calling them fools & such...they turn it all on it's head... basically if you treat her lessor, like you don't care, ignore her, it's all good...you'll have her eating out of your hands... so be a Son of a Bi*ch & rack up the chicks... :wtf:.... it's all a GAME...though it seems true in the short term... bad boys get the women...though these relationships crash & burn so fast, they are born of dysfunction ... I put very little stock in such advice... I would hope an honorable person would turn their noses at that.. 

It's funny seeing ME do a thread like this.. as I have been accused of always taking the man's side in my posts.. like I am "male biased"... 

And come on Ellis.. I have said : *WE, as wives, NEED TO GIVE BACK AS MUCH*, that our husband's happiness is paramount to our own.. in fact if I seen this phrase used in an entitlement way.. I would be the 1st to point this out [email protected]#

It seems only about 3 posters on this thread can recognize this....as you know, I laid out, trying to inspire how WE can show more Love , gratitude to our husbands (I feel strongly about OUR ROLE AS WIVES!)...I listened to the men here -fed up that it's alwas tailored to US ...how they can love us more, do more for us... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ion-our-husbands-shake-up-rock-his-world.html..

So yeah...my interpretation is very different. How important for us to show that appreciation, respect, DESIRE for our men...when he is a GOOD MAN.. If he mistreats us, ignores us.... however.. this all goes to hell.. 

What kind of books would I give a Newlywed to enhance her marriage.. these 2 come to mind along with some Victoria Secret lingerie...those would be fun to open at a Bridal shower ! 

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands  and  Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man...

I have no problem with @Icey181 's comment "Happy Wife, Less Nagging, Possibly more Sex."....


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

I do appreciate your angle SA and trying to get away from the typical "interpretation". As well I do agree with many of the points you made, as I am sure you know  I guess my point though, most people who are aware of this saying aren't on TAM, they don't hear it and go do research to understand the meaning a bit better. At face value you hear the saying and it is obviously one sided. I would guess guys would interpret this different than females. No different than if the saying was reversed "Happy Husband, Happy Life" would probably draw a different reaction from the genders. That is the reason why I would like to see the saying go away, as how I see most people outside of TAM interpret it, I don't find it in any way beneficial to a healthy relationship.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EllisRedding said:


> In general, you could argue that if one person in a relationship is happy that it will likely carry over in some form to the other person/relationship as a whole, whether it be the male or female.


One might think that, but all too often and unfortunately it doesn't always play out that way in real life.

From the article...



> Husbands who rated the quality of their marriage a one but whose wives rated the marriage a four were happy with their lives overall, while husbands who rated their marriages a one whose wives also rated the marriage a one reported low overall well-being. The inverse wasn't true for wives: *Women's happiness didn't seem to be affected by husbands' satisfaction with their marriages.*
> 
> One reason for this discrepancy in happiness, Carr explained, is that if a man is unhappy in the relationship but the wife is happy, she's more likely to provide him benefits that enhance his overall life -- she'll engage in sexual relations, provide emotional support and take on household chores.


Reading between the lines, this suggests to me that if a woman is happy, content, and satisfied in the relationship, she is less likely to notice, or care about her husbands satisfaction. As the article goes on to suggest...if she's satisfied, she's more likely to do things for him, but very often, his dissatisfaction with the relationship is because she isn't doing those things to begin with.

More generally, it seems that when one partner is satisfied, often they assume the other is as well, and see no reason to change. We see that play out all the time here on TAM, which is why the 180, and destabilizing the relationship is suggested as a means to get things back on track...to jolt the other partner out of their complacency.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Further reflection on the bolded conclusion from the article above, I submit that that is actually counter to the notion of implied husbands happiness some have suggested is there. That statement explicitly states that a woman's happiness in the marriage is independent of the mans...so maybe the phrase should be "Happy wife, happy life...for her"


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



samyeagar said:


> Further reflection on the bolded conclusion from the article above, I submit that that is actually counter to the notion of implied husbands happiness some have suggested is there. That statement explicitly states that a woman's happiness in the marriage is independent of the mans...so maybe the phrase should be "Happy wife, happy life...for her"


That is what I was trying to wrap my head around as well lol.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

I'm another vote for dislike these slogans. I think they perpetuate a relationship dynamic that goes nowhere. How much they perpetuate it...I don't know but added to all the other negatives we're bombarded with it just becomes sad. I also think we on TAM are self selected to be a group that thinks about these things a lot more then your average drone.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EllisRedding said:


> I do appreciate your angle SA and trying to get away from the typical "interpretation". As well I do agree with many of the points you made, as I am sure you know  I guess my point though, *most people who are aware of this saying aren't on TAM, they don't hear it and go do research to understand the meaning a bit better.* At face value you hear the saying and it is obviously one sided. I would guess guys would interpret this different than females. *No different than if the saying was reversed "Happy Husband, Happy Life" would probably draw a different reaction from the genders.* That is the reason why I would like to see the saying go away, as how I see most people outside of TAM interpret it, I don't find it in any way beneficial to a healthy relationship.


I am being completely honest when I say this.. "Happy Husband, Happy Life"..... ALL FOR IT.. not a hint of offense taken.. I BELIEVE THAT.. Heck.. I've seen the fruits of it coming back to me -in ways I have missed over the years.. when I upped my WANT of him, showing more appreciation... so maybe it's easy for me to say..

And it's true...my husband would be oblivious to the intended meaning by many, he is not much of a reader.. sometimes when I get too deep on something...I'll ask how he sees it...he'll tell me his "brain hurts".... I guess that's my attraction to forums.. as he only goes so far with some of my conversations.. 

It's not like either of us go around using these phrases.. not at all.. 

Beings I'm not going to pressure him to do a post here.. he has better things to do.. asking him his thoughts on this last night, why he is not offended like others... simple as it may be ..this was his response " Because I love you & enjoy making you happy... (pause).. I'm not ignorant" ... 

But yeah.. he'd be miserable with this every day >>







...I know how that would go.. he just wouldn't want to come home at night.. he'd distance himself.. hang with the guys...who would that serve.. certainly not me -since I love spending time with him.

I have a funny story.. weeks ago.. we were pulling into a Grocery store.. I missed seeing this.. but boy was it LOUD, having our windows down.. .. this ANGRY woman YELLING .. "What the F*** are you waiting for!"... I guess she was hanging out the window giving the driver in front of her a piece of her mind... 

My husband cracks me up.. he says "that's why men don't want to get married.. anyone married to that doesn't need to go to hell, he's already there !"... Listen.. I don't care if she's a woman.. his comment was GREAT !....our daughter was laughing.. maybe we shouldn't laugh... but we did....it was just so outrageous ! PMS overload or something.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



SimplyAmorous said:


> *I am being completely honest when I say this.. "Happy Husband, Happy Life"..... ALL FOR IT.. not a hint of offense taken.. I BELIEVE THAT..* Heck.. I've seen the fruits of it coming back to me -in ways I have missed over the years.. when I upped my WANT of him, showing more appreciation... so maybe it's easy for me to say..


And I think most loving partners see this tid bit of wisdom in the gender neutral way you do...heck, my wife sure agrees with you too. In fact, she has, from time to time, posted this:









when her Facebook friends start acting a bit too entitled.

You already know my thoughts with regards to the huge disproportion of internet meme's geared towards men on how to be "real men" and telling women what they deserve simply by virtue of being a woman.

If one makes the assumption, makes inferences, and reads between the lines, they basically boil down to being a loving and caring partner, but they are seldom stated that way. Far more often than not, it is left to the reader to infer that it goes both ways, that men need to be treated well, while it is explicitly stated that women do.


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



samyeagar said:


> Further reflection on the bolded conclusion from the article above, I submit that that is actually counter to the notion of implied husbands happiness some have suggested is there. That statement explicitly states that a woman's happiness in the marriage is independent of the mans...so maybe the phrase should be "Happy wife, happy life...for her"


And thus my issue with it.

The researchers tend to downplay the conclusion, but it is sitting there nonetheless.

The obvious conclusion here is simple: For a good deal of relationships the woman's sense of satisfaction is divorced from the satisfaction of her husband whereas she makes it impossible for the man to be satisfied if she is not.

I guess any conclusion that goes beyond, "Men need to communicate more," instead of, perhaps, "Women need to deal with dissatisfaction without taking it out on their husbands," is not going to play well with the targeted audiences.


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I'll tell you what offends * me *.. these messages on Pick up Artist sites who down men who are GOOD to women.. calling them fools & such...they turn it all on it's head... basically if you treat her lessor, like you don't care, ignore her, it's all good...you'll have her eating out of your hands... so be a Son of a Bi*ch & rack up the chicks... :wtf:.... it's all a GAME...though it seems true in the short term... bad boys get the women...*though these relationships crash & burn so fast, they are born of dysfunction* ... I put very little stock in such advice... I would hope an honorable person would turn their noses at that..


That would be because PUA is not about creating a long-term relationship. It is about attracting a woman and having sex with her. There is a reason it is called Game.

That is an entirely different thing though.



SimplyAmorous said:


> And come on Ellis.. I have said : *WE, as wives, NEED TO GIVE BACK AS MUCH*, that our husband's happiness is paramount to our own.. in fact if I seen this phrase used in an entitlement way.. I would be the 1st to point this out [email protected]#


This is one of the reasons I enjoy reading your posts. You seem to be one of the few who actually takes a step back and demands reciprocity. :smthumbup:

The annoying thing is that such a stance seems to be the minority in most advice sets.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

@samyeagar ...I've never posted a meme or sayings like this on my FB.. seriously.. I only open them up here.. I don't think I've ever read that one... It's not one I would use .... something about it doesn't sit as "inspiring" to me.. it comes off "selfish" in it's own way.. just as many see the other. 

I'd be more apt to post something like this.. it's one I have saved....(excuse the man in it)...












> *You already know my thoughts with regards to the huge disproportion of internet meme's geared towards men on how to be "real men" and telling women what they deserve simply by virtue of being a woman*.


 I hope I don't come off as one of those.... but in it's own way.. I do seek out men who are "giving", Loving.. I don't want to be with someone NOT into me.. as I feel I have a lot to give back.. and those other types wouldn't need as much as I wanted to give them!... Nor would want to be with a man who didn't care about my happiness.. or things that mattered to me.. (that's huge!)...I do not feel bad about speaking that outright either... nor is my husband worried about it.. 

I don't carry a *me vs him* attitude.... it's "*US*"...it's "*OUR*".. it's "*WE*".. as it should be. 



samyeagar said:


> *Reading between the lines, this suggests to me that if a woman is happy, content, and satisfied in the relationship, she is less likely to notice, or care about her husbands satisfaction. As the article goes on to suggest...if she's satisfied, she's more likely to do things for him, but very often, his dissatisfaction with the relationship is because she isn't doing those things to begin with.*
> 
> *More generally, it seems that when one partner is satisfied, often they assume the other is as well, and see no reason to change.* We see that play out all the time here on TAM, which is why the 180, and destabilizing the relationship is suggested as a means to get things back on track...to jolt the other partner out of their complacency.


Keeping it very honest here.. to making myself look bad... what you said FIT ME back in the day. I was ALWAYS happy with our marriage, I had nothing bad to say about him.. we were best friends, I never entertained being with anyone else.. yet I was a little too pre-occupied with wanting kids, catering to those babies when they came and /or projects on the brain...(he was a tremendous family man along with me though).....we were still very close, spending more time together than the average couple -even then. 

YET...I felt blindsided to learn just HOW my husband put himself down when he wanted more from me.. (just in the bedroom, all knows the story)...he put himself DOWN for me.. didn't want to rock the boat...feeling he loved me more (he told me this once... because well.. men feel greatly loved through us desiring them)..







... I've learned ! ... I wasn't as validating to him back then either... I've certainly grown in some things here ! 

I was angry at myself for being so clueless.. I still work myself up over it at times ....it's had a profound effect on me -all for the good. 

Never forget one conversation we had.. going through "No More Mr Nice GUY" - I pointed out where he missed it, should have told me what for.. something... he said even if he had all that knowledge, he still wouldn't have changed how he treated me.. I was like "OMG you are hopeless!"... it was a funny moment.. that's just how he is ! ...It's not like I am going to spit on that.. 

Ok forget these sayings, they can go DIE ! After this thread.. I will never speak of them again...

I guess what I want to Understand is from those who feel as strongly as you do.. I has caused me to jump to thinking like I spoke in post #16... if one cringes at this saying with hatred....I tend to question if such husbands even care about the happiness of their wives..this is my stretch...does that make sense ? Like if you treat her TOO GOOD....she will inevitably be ruined, take advantage & eat her husband... 

Any comments on this... after all this IS  a similar teaching of the Pick up artists.


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I guess what I want to Understand is from those who feel as strongly as you do.. I has caused me to jump to thinking like I spoke in post #16... if one cringes at this saying with hatred....I tend to question if such husbands even care about the happiness of their wives..this is my stretch...does that make sense ? Like if you treat her TOO GOOD....she will inevitably be ruined, take advantage & eat her husband...
> 
> Any comments on this... after all this IS  a similar teaching of the Pick up artists.


It can be interpreted that way; I am not sure about the PUA community, but I know the Red Pill people would essentially tell you that the phrase implies supplication and pedastal-ization which will be the death knell of a attraction, et al.

I have somewhat experienced the treat her TOO GOOD" part with my wife.

The weird thing seemed to be this: the more effort I put into addressing her needs and her hobbies, the happier she was, and the less she seemed concerned about my needs/hobbies.

I think the thought process was essentially, "Well, I am happy, therefore, he must be as well."

Which is one of the reasons I dislike the phrase, personally.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



Icey181 said:


> That would be because PUA is not about creating a long-term relationship. *It is about attracting a woman and having sex with her. There is a reason it is called Game.
> *
> That is an entirely different thing though.


 There are men who use it - still in hopes of finding something lasting (or so they say)....but in the meantime.. some variety doesn't hurt.. that's the mindset...seems plenty of women are game.

They will tell you.. it helps OPEN MORE DOORS unto them..and it seems so!.. . If one sits long enough under any philosophy, one can't help but be influenced by it...

But yes.. another issue, it has become so much of the NORM of our culture, I feel it desensitizes the sensibilities of authentic romance.



> *This is one of the reasons I enjoy reading your posts. You seem to be one of the few who actually takes a step back and demands reciprocity.* :smthumbup:


 Why thank you Icey !  I just don't like seeing Good people being taken advantage of.. whether it's in a friendship, on the job, or romance.. many relationships are not balanced.. but they should strive to be...Or that person is probably wrong for you...I thrive on a healthy give & take.. I don't feel good about myself if I am hurting someone.. I don't want to be hurt either!..As much as we can, we should seek harmony & connection. If a couple are so incompatible , they can't get along, I think they should end it so they can find happiness with another (I may be a little liberal here) -why I pound compatibility so badly.. after that.. what excuse is there.. just plain old stubbornness , selfishness really! 



> *It can be interpreted that way; I am not sure about the PUA community, but I know the Red Pill people would essentially tell you that the phrase implies supplication and pedastal-ization which will be the death knell of a attraction, et al*.


I guess I am one who feels it DEPENDS on the woman..it's just not so black & White.... that's why relationships are so complicated.. as you men have to start from scratch with each new female... erase all you think you have learned...cause this one may surprise you!!...what makes her tick, what inspires her, what turns her on.. what turns her off...all of it.. 



> I have somewhat experienced the treat her TOO GOOD" part with my wife.
> 
> The weird thing seemed to be this: the more effort I put into addressing her needs and her hobbies, the happier she was, and the less she seemed concerned about my needs/hobbies.
> 
> ...


 She *assumed *you must be as well.. many "assumers" out there....me included.. it's not like our spouses want to keep reminding us .... "can you please "..."if you'd just __________" ... it gets old.. we get weary...we don't want to come off as a NAG or whiny..it is demeaning even. 

What has worked for us...more "Intellectual Foreplay"...more open ended questions...it's an invitation for dialogue ..to stay in tuned .... seeking to stay on top of what excites each other...what brings pleasure, also what irritates ....welcoming each other stories/ insights / feelings.. 

It's like a dance in it's own right...to enrich our ongoing connection... there is a book by that name ...the thread for reference... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ng-intimacy-insight-open-ended-questions.html


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

So the real question, the Happy Wife Happy Life phrase is horrible. there has to be a better phrase to use". Is there a similar phrase gay couples use, I assume this phrase would cause all kinds of confusion???


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



EllisRedding said:


> *So the real question, the Happy Wife Happy Life phrase is horrible. there has to be a better phrase to use"*. Is there a similar phrase gay couples use, I assume this phrase would cause all kinds of confusion???


I vote for this one... not as short as 4 words.. but it's got







written all over it... it's similar to the one I used in post #27... not to mention genuine love FEELS this way about another.. 

This also throws cold water on the "Happy Wife Happy life" in regards to her taking a passive role -with it ALL dependent on the man catering to her every whim..


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I vote for this one... not as short as 4 words.. but it's got
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I was thinking more like ...










:grin2:

But seriously, I think your image/quote does a much better job, kudos.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug*

Since Ellis brought this to my attention... if anyone thinks I started this thread due to reading this thread >> 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/275282-so-much-gotten-wrong-i-cant-even-process.html (started by @Fozzy)... it wasn't the case.. as many were arguing the "Happy Wife Happy Life" thing on it.. 

I just caught up with that thread last night.. and was sickened basically by the attitude of this wife.. I laid out my thoughts on the Opening article >>  HERE (Post #531)  ...

I would never justify coddling a woman with such an attitude... just saying.. 

I started this thread -due to a post by Wolf1974 on ANOTHER THREAD .. I generally appreciate HIS views , being on the conservative side of the aisle but he rammed that phrase into the ground - as if any man who thinks LIKE THIS is inviting his life to be destroyed .. and I got to thinking.. well.. my Husband is one of those men!!! . and it hasn't hurt us at all.. so let's open that subject up a little!.. so there it is.. 

As in all things.. it depends how one looks at it.. how they USE it... Gotta run... it's the 4th of JULY !


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