# Polygraph Testing



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Have you ever taken a polygraph test for your spouse? Have you ever had your spouse take one?

If so, what questions did you ask? How did your life change after the polygraph?

Some people have suggested polygraph testing for the questionable spouse. I'm curious whether anyone has actually done it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sfort said:


> Have you ever taken a polygraph test for your spouse? Have you ever had your spouse take one?
> 
> If so, what questions did you ask? How did your life change after the polygraph?
> 
> Some people have suggested polygraph testing for the questionable spouse. I'm curious whether anyone has actually done it.


Have you checked with any of the companies that do this? Generally you can only ask about 3 questions and they have to be yes or no questions.

I've not ever used a polygraph test. However, there are people who have posted on TAM who have used them. In the cases where the results are that the polygraph came out negative (meaning their spouse did not cheat), they do not accept the results because polygraph tests are not all that accurate. A lot of people ask their spouse (suspected cheater) to take the test in hopes of a parking lot confession before the test.

Personally, if my spouse asked me to take a polygraph test I would refuse and it would anger me. I'm not guilty of anything and would be very upset that he expected me to 'prove' it. Further, knowing that it's extremely possible to get a false positive I know that there is a chance that false results could fracture the relationship. How would the person taking the test ever be able to prove that the tests is wrong?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Sfort, are you considering asking your wife for a polygraph? Is there infidelity involved?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Lila said:


> @Sfort, are you considering asking your wife for a polygraph? Is there infidelity involved?


No and no. I have zero doubt that my spouse is having an affair.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Polygraph testing as what you’re describing is about as trustworthy as reading tea leaves. You will only get to ask maybe four or five questions. Certain government departments and some large companies use them but hundreds of questions are asked in these cases and only then will certain patterns emerge. 
When I was younger I worked for a company that made them and all of the staff could fool them without any problems. If the subject doesn’t know that they are going to be tested then you may get what’s known as a parking lot confession so it’s important that you “spring” it on them at the last minute.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

i'd refuse. And if he forced me, i'd do it. Who cares. They are not reliable 100%. So what if it says i did anything wrong?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

JustTheWife said:


> i'd refuse. And if he forced me, i'd do it. Who cares. They are not reliable 100%. So what if it says i did anything wrong?


I wouldn't do one either, and I have nothing to hide. They're not admissible as evidence in a criminal trial because of their unreliability. Again, I've seen people recommend them here, so I was curious whether it was all talk or whether someone actually went through with one. They're about $600 here.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Sfort said:


> JustTheWife said:
> 
> 
> > i'd refuse. And if he forced me, i'd do it. Who cares. They are not reliable 100%. So what if it says i did anything wrong?
> ...


The reason being is that in order for guilt to be found it must meet a very high standard of "beyond a reasonable doubt". It is not close to being reliable enough to meet that requirement.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

As having that sort of evidentiary value.


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## justlistening (Jan 23, 2020)

Meh....if I thought I needed one, the relationship is basically over. Either because hes a filthy liar or I'm a paranoid controlling psycho.

As for taking one? Yeah.......no


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sfort said:


> No and no. I have zero doubt that my spouse is having an affair.


You have zero doubt she IS or ISN’T having an affair? Kind of confusing.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> You have zero doubt she IS or ISN’T having an affair? Kind of confusing.


I see what you mean. I'm am confident that she is NOT having an affair.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sfort said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > You have zero doubt she IS or ISN’T having an affair? Kind of confusing.
> ...


Thank you, I thought that’s what you meant but just wanted to clarify.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think better information to find out what's going on is info that is date and time stamped like messenging, receipts, entries on social media.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Sfort said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > You have zero doubt she IS or ISN’T having an affair? Kind of confusing.
> ...


Why is a polygraph even on the table then? Did she ask you to take one?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

We were (supposedly) trying to reconcile in the wake of the EA I'd discovered my husband was engaged in. Our MC actually suggested he take a polygraph to put my mind at ease that the affair had never gone physical. So we could move forward with reconciliation without any doubts. Because, of course, I was the crazy, unbalanced, delusional, paranoid one. 

I found a testing service, then our MC and I created a set of 6 questions. I gave my husband the questions a couple days ahead of the scheduled test. He finally broke down the night before the test and confessed to "at least 10" (meaning he'd lost count somewhere around that number) of affairs of every type and duration during the course of our 15 year marriage. 

So, the poly did _exactly_ what it was supposed to do - without him ever actually taking it. It clarified the truth.


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## GAgirl912 (Dec 22, 2017)

During our marriage, my ex had to take one [for probation]. He passed it with flying colors and I knew he was lying about some of the questions... I.e. have you drank alcohol, “no”, that was a lie.. in fact I think we drank the night before his test or at least during the week of the test. 

Good liars have a way of passing 


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'd say no, because if (and just my opinion certainly others differ, and I see value in that) my M reached that stage it would already be past the point of no return. 

Like searching phones and computers. Again, just for me, ymmv. If searching is felt required, that's the end already.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Rowan said:


> He finally broke down the night before the test and confessed to "at least 10" (meaning he'd lost count somewhere around that number) of affairs of every type and duration during the course of our 15 year marriage.
> 
> So, the poly did _exactly_ what it was supposed to do - without him ever actually taking it. It clarified the truth.


 And THAT'S the point I keep trying to make to the _"polygraphs aren't reliable"_ crowd.

It's the *intimidation factor* that is priceless and works for so many betrayed spouses a lot of the time. Cheaters often give you confessions that they'd NEVER reveal if they weren't so afraid of being exposed as the liars they are when strapped to the machine while sitting in the hot seat. And _*that's*_ when you usually get your confession - very close to the poly appointment or the more famous one, out in the parking lot of the polygraph office before going in - the infamous "parking lot confession." Even THEN, most of the time it's not nearly the whole truth but they're hoping it's _enough _truth so the BS will cancel the appt.

And while I agree that a cheater ain't worth staying for and if it has to come to a polygraph the marriage is already over, there are many BS's who still want to stay with their cheater but want the *truth *because they feel (or know) they're still being lied to (which is usually the case 99% of the time). I'm kind of amazed that anyone would want to stay with a cheater who they know is still lying to them and have to resort to this, but to each their own.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

According to one of my private investigators, and Penn & Teller, there are ways of beating the test. The one that I find most interesting is to clench and unclench your rectum during the test. It apparently screws up several modalities like GSR (galvanic skin response), heart rate and respiration rate. If you are concentrating on your butt, I guess everything else just calms down and listens to the *******.

PS, I bet you are doing this now. Admit it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sfort said:


> Have you ever taken a polygraph test for your spouse? Have you ever had your spouse take one?
> 
> If so, what questions did you ask? How did your life change after the polygraph?
> 
> Some people have suggested polygraph testing for the questionable spouse. I'm curious whether anyone has actually done it.


Just a thought. A polygraph being used to determine anything in a relationship would be very destructive and many relationships wouldn't survive the attempt.

If the relationship is already decimated, for example if infidelity occurred, then the wayward might do it in desperation to get a foothold back in the marriage.

They aren't exactly accurate science however.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If asked for a polygraph, I'd divorce instead. To me once trust is lost in a marriage, there is no point in continuing.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

I've always felt negative towards the idea of the polygraph. Asking for your partner to take one has a hint of desperation. If you've gotten to that point, I'm sure there is enough smoke there to qualify as a fire. There are so many other ways to catch a cheater, that doing something as out there and unreliable as a polygraph just strikes me as the hurt spouse saying, "Okay... so you have these other 12 red flags that show me you're probably not a great spouse... but I'm going to stick around UNLESS you fail this test." Then the cheater fails. The hurt spouse just keeps moving the goalposts. "Okay... you failed the test. Now, how about we go to counseling??"

Just move on.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Taxman said:


> According to one of my private investigators, and Penn & Teller, there are ways of beating the test. The one that I find most interesting is to clench and unclench your rectum during the test. It apparently screws up several modalities like GSR (galvanic skin response), heart rate and respiration rate. If you are concentrating on your butt, I guess everything else just calms down and listens to the *******.
> 
> PS, I bet you are doing this now. Admit it.



Ahhhh, the true reason to pucker up. :smile2: :surprise:


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

It sounds kind of like the Salem witch trials. If she passes the test, she's going to divorce you for not trusting her. If she fails the test, she's going to divorce you for getting caught lying.

I would never take a polygraph test for any reason. If they were reliable, they would be admissible in a court of law. They are not admissible. My original post was to learn how many people followed through with their threats to have their partner take one. Unless I missed a post, no one has done it. I was wondering what the results were like for someone who has actually done one for infidelity purposes.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And THAT'S the point I keep trying to make to the _"polygraphs aren't reliable"_ crowd.
> 
> It's the *intimidation factor* that is priceless and works for so many betrayed spouses a lot of the time. Cheaters often give you confessions that they'd NEVER reveal if they weren't so afraid of being exposed as the liars they are when strapped to the machine while sitting in the hot seat. And _*that's*_ when you usually get your confession - very close to the poly appointment or the more famous one, out in the parking lot of the polygraph office before going in - the infamous "parking lot confession." Even THEN, most of the time it's nearly the whole truth but they're hoping it's enough truth so the BS will cancel the appt.
> 
> And while I agree that a cheater ain't worth staying for and if it has to come to a polygraph the marriage is already over, there are many BS's who still want to stay with their cheater but want the *truth *because they feel (or know) they're still being lied to (which is usually the case 99% of the time). I'm kind of amazed that anyone would want to stay with a cheater who they know is still lying to them and have to resort to this, but to each their own.


the parking lot confession would never happen with the polygraph being scheduled.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

A poly is a liars buffet.

A poly is based on so many factors, such as heart rate.

When you believe in what you are saying, the truth either becomes real or distorted because it is based on perception and not fact.
Your heart rate accommodates your mind.

Anyone that has the emotional or moral compass can beat one...or taken an internet Psychology course.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Taxman said:


> According to one of my private investigators, and Penn & Teller, there are ways of beating the test. The one that I find most interesting is to clench and unclench your rectum during the test. It apparently screws up several modalities like GSR (galvanic skin response), heart rate and respiration rate. If you are concentrating on your butt, I guess everything else just calms down and listens to the *******.
> 
> PS, I bet you are doing this now. Admit it.


This is how you fool a polygraph. 
Get worked up! Start remembering the guy who bullied you in school, the girl who wouldn’t date you, the promotion you missed out on to someone less qualified than yourself, anything that annoys you will screw up the readings.


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## Bremik (Feb 6, 2009)

It's ironic that the legal system doesn't allow it yet law enforcement does?? I know highway patrol and FBI are required to take it.

I fall in the camp that if things are THAT bad with your partner then what's the point? Even if you get a parking lot confession it would only further validate the lack of trust and honesty- still nothing to build a relationship on


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Asking for one cements the notion that you think them a cheater.
Beyond a shadow of doubt.

It puts the cheater on notice, strips off and discounts any professed innocence, on their part.

It can be a tool, another form of psychological warfare against the WS.

.................................................................

No, I would not take one.

If I were innocent, I would feel insulted and angry.
If I were guilty, I would either admit guilt, or just leave, with my tail between my legs.

................................................................

Then again, I would just blame 'The Typist'. He is such a putz!


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Bremik said:


> It's ironic that the legal system doesn't allow it yet law enforcement does?? I know highway patrol and FBI are required to take it.
> 
> I fall in the camp that if things are THAT bad with your partner then what's the point? Even if you get a parking lot confession it would only further validate the lack of trust and honesty- still nothing to build a relationship on




Only certain countries allow them to be admissible as evidence in court.

They have been proven to be unreliable as evidence for many reasons, such as how if a person taking one believes in what they are saying, their bodies do not have the same fluctuations in heart rate, therefore even though what they are saying is factually untrue, the machine is not able to detect it because the systems in their body do not respond the same.

A poly is an out of date resource.
May as well compare an 8track to a bluray.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

uhtred said:


> If asked for a polygraph, I'd divorce instead. To me once trust is lost in a marriage, there is no point in continuing.


And I'd give you that divorce, because trust goes both ways, why aren't you open and truthful and unscared of conformation - why don't you respect my fears??


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There are times when divorce is best for both parties. In fact, I think that if its best for one, its often also better for the other, even if they don't realize it yet. 

I trust my wife with things more important to me than sexual fidelity - and as far as I know she has never let me down. 



spotthedeaddog said:


> And I'd give you that divorce, because trust goes both ways, why aren't you open and truthful and unscared of conformation - why don't you respect my fears??


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