# Differing politics/values...worried about our future



## pacifico (Jul 18, 2013)

I've been married for nearly 5 years to a very kind, loving person but one that is very different from me in about every way. We knew this going into everything and didn't seem like such a big deal at the time, but I feel things starting to strain and worry that this will become an increasingly difficult problem to manage if we have children.

I'm a Catholic (not really practicing but consider myself a believer), conservative, quiet, patient, homebody-type. My wife is barely spiritual, liberal, loquacious, impatient, do-everything, explore every corner of the Earth-type. I'm a political news junkie - she'd rather watch The Bachelorette. You get the idea.

Personality-wise, we actually compliment each other very well, and most of the time we get along great. But, the times we don't, it's always over fundamental differences between us over what most here would classify as politics but to me speaks more broadly about your value set.

It has definitely pushed us apart. Today was the first day at marriage counseling (at my request), and I felt like it helped us to communicate our differences in a more constructive way but I'm not convinced that this is a fixable problem.

At the time we were dating and ultimately until the day we got married (ironically (ominously?) election day 2008 - we had the formal ceremony that weekend), this seemed to be like much of a big deal. But, I feel like the country has changed drastically for the worse (better, in her eyes) and has changed my perspective on what I had once thought were her silly but otherwise innocuous character flaws. (For the 50% of you more sympathetic to her mindset, feel free to reverse roles if it helps.)

It's a little more complicated than this. Her family and friends are almost universally liberal - mine is mixed. We live in the DC area - very liberal and very political. Her sister is gay and has a SSM and is trying artificial insemination. I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of deliberately bringing a child into the world with no father, and it really hurt my wife when I told her honestly about my feelings. I am well-liked by her family and friends but perhaps not so much so if I didn't actively evade any such types of political discussions (which happen more often than I'd like, much to the chagrin of my tongue). I have some like-minded friends, but I constantly feel like I'm surrounded. Is that weird?

I guess I just feel sad that I'm considering throwing away a marriage over what many would consider a triviality, but it's been bothering me more and more and not sure it's something that I'm down on the idea that I'll ever be able to make it work. She'll be 32 in October, and I think was thinking about kids staring next year (though she's always been cool/ambivalent to the idea). Not that I know shouldn't factor into my decision, I just think it's just going to make things harder if I decide that this isn't going to work.

Thanks for listening and any advice.


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