# Therapist



## CWM0842 (Dec 8, 2011)

Hi all,

I'm 29 and somewhat newly married. Like so many others here, I have a lack of sex in my marriage. I think I've covered most of it here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/36124-getting-backed-up.html

After going through pretty much every other option, my wife has gone to a sex therapist. She's been just once and now we're supposed to go together next week. Does anyone have any experience with this? Has it helped? This is pretty much our last hope before I have to really consider divorce.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I haven't seen Browncoat around for a few days, but you should talk to him, he has experience about this and would be very helpful to you.


----------



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife and I went thorough a multi-month round of marriage counseling and sex therapy, and found it to be very helpful. The key is to take the time to find someone you both like and trust, and enter into the process with a very open mind.

Our MC/ST told us that many of her patients are already done with the relationship, and are looking for affirmation that it is really over, or are looking to blame one or the other, and that never works out for the better.

The OP didn't provide a lot of information, so there's not much more I think I can add.


----------



## CWM0842 (Dec 8, 2011)

keeper63 said:


> My wife and I went thorough a multi-month round of marriage counseling and sex therapy, and found it to be very helpful. The key is to take the time to find someone you both like and trust, and enter into the process with a very open mind.
> 
> Our MC/ST told us that many of her patients are already done with the relationship, and are looking for affirmation that it is really over, or are looking to blame one or the other, and that never works out for the better.
> 
> The OP didn't provide a lot of information, so there's not much more I think I can add.


The issue is her lack of interest. We have covered most every possible reason, including her birth control, her antidepressants, and stress at work. The problem may have been discovered but if so she (or we) has not found a solution.


----------



## WillK (May 16, 2012)

If you have netflix there's a series "Sexual Healing" I just checked though they don't have it up for streaming video now. It can help get some idea of what it's kinda like, but it might be different - the series shows couples in a weeklong seminar type thing rather than the individual couples counseling you might be getting.

We did that kind of, although we had to cut it short because we moved due to selling our house faster than expected. There was a lot of relationship talking stuff because that was a lot of our issue, and you get homework - the homework progresses and as an example of how it starts off, you have to invite, you then spend 10 minutes of one touching the other then swap until you eached had 2 10 minute sessions of touching.. First week, the touching is just supposed to be no erogenous zones. You're supposed to do this assignment at least 2 times in the week.


----------



## CWM0842 (Dec 8, 2011)

Star said:


> Yes I have experience sex therapy, been there, done that, got the t-shirt don't expect it to be anything like ordinary MC though and be prepared for some really close to the bone questions.
> 
> You both have to be totally open minded and honest in what you are being asked and when you get set "homework" just do it even if it seems silly or makes you feel uncomfortable, just push through it and the rewards will speak for themselves.
> 
> ...



Star, care to elaborate at all? What kind of homework do you get? Is this typical of all sex therapists? After my wife's first visit she said it wasn't much different from regular counseling, just more pointed. Maybe that was just laying the groundwork.


----------



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

With my wife, it turned out that there was some childhood abuse and neglect, and strict Catholic upbringing issues (both of us raised Catholic, sex was dirty, for procreation only, etc.) that she was able to work through, still a work in progress, but the quantity and quality of our sex life has improved significantly.

She also had a major hormone shift a few months back that has helped her libido quite a bit. That and the counseling were a "perfect storm" for things to get better between us. She is much more relaxed, adventurous, and orgasmic than she once was.


----------



## CWM0842 (Dec 8, 2011)

We went to the first meeting. Seemed pretty general although I guess there needs to be some groundwork laid. Sex was covered but only broadly regarding the lack of it and how it affected me. She focused a lot on my wife's anxiety and getting her to relax. Do the sessions get more specific and solution-oriented as time goes on? Unfortunately these are pretty expensive and not covered by insurance.


----------



## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Yeah, the first session is always a getting to know you thing. (true with any counseling)


----------

