# Mistakes to avoid after a breakup



## Deejo

7 Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup


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## Jellybeans

I am copy/pasting the article here:

_
7 Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup
By Babble.com | Love + Sex – 19 hours ago

Don't let your past relationships ruin your future relationships. Let me rephrase it and say it again … Don't let one failed relationship keep you from having successful relationships in the future. There are a lot of things that you can not control in life (such as your ex.) But the one thing you can control are your actions. You have the power to take the very painful experience of a break-up and turn it into an opportunity for growth and into something that makes you stronger. Or, you can continue to be the victim by making decisions and taking actions that not only hurt you, but hurt others around you.

Having successful relationships takes work and requires you to make better decisions for your life. It's time to grow up! Check out 7 mistakes you better not make after a break-up. And I'll let you know which ones I regret doing.

1. going back to a bad ex.
This person was no good for you back then, and the same holds true now. But, because you don't want to be alone, you'll settle for what's familiar, even it if is not good for you.

2. mistaking "living" for "bad behavior."
After years and years of being in a bad relationship, it's time to live it up. You want to see the world, date, and get involved with activities. But now is not the time to lose your moral compass. Now is not the time to do something that you will end up regretting.
After spending most of my 20s in a bad relationship, drinking and messing around with men I had no business messing with was my initial cure for the pain I was experiencing. It did not numb the pain and caused more problems for me. Thank God I got it together.

3. hurting others because you have been hurt.
You know the saying "Hurt people hurt people." Don't hurt other people because you have been hurt.

4. losing your job.
Relationship pain can be excruciating. But, losing your job is only going to add to the pain. If you are truly distraught, then call out sick or ask for leave (following the proper procedures.) If you don't have leave, then you need to pull yourself together and take care of your responsibilities.
This is one I would never do. I would pull it together at work during the day and save that crying stuff for the night when I was home. I might have been out of my mind with pain ... but I was not crazy and my bills were going to get paid!

5. getting into financial trouble.

Losing your job or "balling" out of control because you are free, are both things that will get you into financial trouble. Running out and buying new clothes, cars, and houses to prove a point to your ex will also get you into financial trouble.

6. not making sure it is truly over.
This one is important for all couples, but especially important for married couples. Before you go off and do something that you cannot take back (like sleeping with someone else or getting someone pregnant), make sure your relationship is truly over by taking some time to really reflect on the relationship and work on the issues.
I had a friend who left her husband and started a relationship that only lasted for a few months. By the time she realized that she wanted her husband back, it was too late. Too much damage had been done.

7. trying to avoid the pain.
Author and speaker Zara Green said it best: "Growth happens during the storms of life." Give yourself the opportunity to process the pain and move through this stage in life. There's growth on the other side of this pain.
-By Ronnie Tyler_


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## Jellybeans

#6 is a good one, I think. Sometimes people want to rush into the next relationship FAST w/o every dealing w/ the grief/trauma of their break up/divorce and then are freaked out when they realize they did things too fast and shoulda slowed their roll.


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## Deejo

Knowing how to end a relationship and be ended with is important stuff.

Don't know if I fully agree with all of the authors points, and was scratching my head wondering what exactly she did that she regretted when breaking out of her 'wild phase'.


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## minimalME

I'm very bad about number 1. 

I can end relationships, but walking away and staying away is difficult. 

I don't particularly want to see myself as insecure, but my choices are often less than stellar.


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## Deejo

*Re: Re: Mistakes to avoid after a breakup*



FrenchFry said:


> Speedballs.
> 
> 
> *cough*


LOL


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## Deejo

To my mind, the big shift that I made with regards to break ups, is not to presume you are the problem. As I've said in other threads, I simply no longer ask the question, "Why?"

I can fully understand someone who in a marriage or LTR, feeling blindsided by, "I'm leaving you." Or "I love you but I'm not in love with you." I can understand 'Why?' being warranted. But, 'why' also only very rarely yields the truth.


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## helolover

Deejo said:


> ....I can understand 'Why?' being warranted. But, 'why' also only very rarely yields the truth.


This is true. 

I think this has been the hardest thing for me to accept, and it took awhile for me. I dropped my expectations of any truth, explanation, or ever getting an answer to "why?" My life has been much better since I abandoned my quest for answers and validation. 

I think the answer to why is: "It just is." 

I spend my time now seeking answers about myself, not X.


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## Deejo

helolover said:


> This is true.
> 
> I think this has been the hardest thing for me to accept, and it took awhile for me. I dropped my expectations of any truth, explanation, or ever getting an answer to "why?" My life has been much better since I abandoned my quest for answers and validation.
> 
> I think the answer to why is: "It just is."
> 
> I spend my time now seeking answers about myself, not X.


It can be a tall fence to climb. But my perspective is very, very different as a result.

Very much liked your last sentence.


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## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> #6 is a good one, I think. Sometimes people want to rush into the next relationship FAST w/o every dealing w/ the grief/trauma of their break up/divorce and then are freaked out when they realize they did things too fast and shoulda slowed their roll.


Agreed, agreed, agreed! My XH jumped into a new relationship while we were separated (and supposed to be working on our own sh!t, to come back together later and see if this would help our relationship... but whatever, I digress), and he couldn't believe that I hadn't started dating right away during our separation. Well... 1) we were separated, we hadn't agreed to end our marriage, and 2) even if the marriage was over, I would still need some time for healing and learning before jumping into another relationship. I mean, my marriage was a disaster... why would I want to jump into something again right away, without learning from the last one to make sure it doesn't happen again?

Right now, I also need to focus on #5. I'm not in financial trouble yet, but I'm definitely experiencing some fiscal leakage. I need to shore that sh!t up, because I don't have a second income to fall back on anymore.


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## Jellybeans

helolover said:


> *I dropped my expectations of any truth, explanation, or ever getting an answer to "why?" My life has been much better since I abandoned my quest for answers and validation. *
> 
> I think the answer to why is: "It just is."
> 
> I spend my time now seeking answers about myself, not X.


:iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup:


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## Deejo

*Re: Re: Mistakes to avoid after a breakup*



Jellybeans said:


> :iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup:


For cripes sake, Jelly, get out there, get laid and dump somebody.


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## Conrad

Deejo said:


> To my mind, the big shift that I made with regards to break ups, is not to presume you are the problem. As I've said in other threads, I simply no longer ask the question, "Why?"
> 
> I can fully understand someone who in a marriage or LTR, feeling blindsided by, "I'm leaving you." Or "I love you but I'm not in love with you." I can understand 'Why?' being warranted. But, 'why' also only very rarely yields the truth.


"The problem is rarely where you think it is"

Anthony DeMello


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## Deejo

Conrad said:


> "The problem is rarely where you think it is"
> 
> Anthony DeMello


That book should be required reading for anyone that thinks they are a 'well integrated adult'.

For those wondering, Conrad quoted "Awareness". Highly recommended reading.


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## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> For cripes sake, Jelly, *get out there, get laid and dump somebody*.


Yeahhhhh!!!

:: Does a happy jelly dance! ::










(By the way, I love that you guys are all supporting me on the Getting Laid Project)



::Beams at what good friends I have at TAM::


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## Mo42

Jellybeans said:


> #6 is a good one, I think. Sometimes people want to rush into the next relationship FAST w/o every dealing w/ the grief/trauma of their break up/divorce and then are freaked out when they realize they did things too fast and shoulda slowed their roll.


yeah on the other hand i know multiple people who have sat around for the better part of a decade saying, im just not ready, im just not ready. They wasted a good part of their lives doing literally NOTHING but being depressed. 

Sorry, but I would rather err on the side of living.


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## FeministInPink

Mo42 said:


> yeah on the other hand i know multiple people who have sat around for the better part of a decade saying, im just not ready, im just not ready. They wasted a good part of their lives doing literally NOTHING but being depressed.
> 
> Sorry, but I would rather err on the side of living.


Agreed. And those people aren't really DEALING with the grief or trauma; they're letting it control their life. 

I think there's a very big difference between that (above) and taking the time to heal, learn, and grow. 

*BIG DIFFERENCE.*


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## Jellybeans

Mo42 said:


> yeah on the other hand i know multiple people who have sat around for the better part of a decade saying, im just not ready, im just not ready. They wasted a good part of their lives doing literally NOTHING but being depressed.
> 
> Sorry, but I would rather err on the side of living.


I don't know. Everyone grieves and deals with a divorce differently. Who are any of us to judge someone else who took it really badly and simply does not WANT to be or CHOOSES not to be in another relationship and/or date? I don't fault someone who decides that. I remember when I first was separated/divorced and people were suggesting I get out and date. I didn't want to date. And I was annoyed at the fact that people thought it was something I needed to do to get better. I know that for me, I needed and wanted TIME. Time to process what had happened, time to lick my wounds, time to be sad/glad/mad/happy, time for me to just be alone after being in a long relationship. I have never been a person who jumps from relationship to relationship and that is A-ok with me.


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## FeministInPink

2galsmom said:


> So being in a relationship and dating equals not wasting your life?
> 
> I will never look at life = a relationship with another person.
> 
> That means death = breaking up and being alone.
> 
> No way.
> 
> Codependence is not living.
> 
> Finding a cure for cancer = not wasting your life
> 
> Raising responsible, caring human beings = not wasting your life
> 
> being comfortable with yourself and using all your potential = not wasting your life
> 
> taking up archery and going to Olympics at age 53 = living
> 
> learning to bake bread and founding a bakery like Nancy Silverton did at age 40 = living
> 
> writing a book or learning another language at any age = living
> 
> helping women in Afghanistan get an education = living
> 
> traveling the world = living
> 
> helping people in your community get work or food = living
> 
> worrying about dating or dating to find someone who will agree to commit = not even close to living
> 
> 
> Viewing living as conditional upon dating one person or even multiple people = stagnation even if you have a long term commitment from that person.
> 
> There is just so much more to life.
> 
> Back to the TAM hiatus.
> 
> If it happens it happens, but there is more to life, life begins with the mind not with another person.


SING IT, SISTER!!!!! :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

I just might have to print this and put it on my bulletin board, or cut and paste it into Facebook.

EDIT/PS: And there are so many things on this list that I am working on/doing right now. And my life is so much better than it was when I was married. Why does our society put so much emphasis on being coupled up, as if that is the only way to prove that a person (societal subtext=a woman) has value? That is bullsh*t. When I was in high school, all anyone ever asked me was if I had a boyfriend yet. They didn't ask me about my academic achievements, or my music, or my writing. THEY ASKED ME IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND. When I was in college, people didn't ask me about my academics, my student leadership roles, my acting, or my writing. THEY ASKED ME IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND. I am not defined by whether or not a man is in my company. When will the rest of the world understand this? I'm tired of society stuffing this dysfunctional ideology down my throat, that I am somehow "less than" if I am single.

[/rant done]


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## Mo42

2galsmom said:


> mo42 your posts are basically the same theme over and over, no one here is preventing you from "living."
> 
> As I reflected this week I thought wow, I could have been Martha Stewart, I could have been Secretary of State, I could have been a million other things and contributed to myself and the world better but nope, I spent years worrying about a relationship and scared to leave because "love" and relationships are everything, neither of which are true.
> 
> Support does not equal enabling, not everyone grieves or prioritizes in the same way as Jellybeans said, perhaps you could start by stopping your judgment of those that do not want to get back on the relationship train or those who have gone years without finding a "significant other."
> 
> So men here at TAM find the perfect woman who loves them like no one else right after divorce, perhaps they are in the 45% of people who remarry that do NOT divorce again. Time will tell.
> 
> In the meantime, others assume the responsibility for the break up or lack of relationship regardless of how the marriage ended. You then hear TAMers blaming them for failed dating with "your man picker is broken."
> 
> Indeed, often true, but what is overlooked here is that there is NOT a plethora of "with it" men or women knocking on anyone's doors and some of us prioritize our "living" in other ways. That is why so many people settle to begin with, they chose to prioritize a relationship and not themselves or a specific person, to me settling again is not living but entering a living hell from which I worked hard to escape and made tremendous sacrifices to overcome.
> 
> Not all people who are divorced want to define themselves by relationships - and any woman promising to be your everything, your be all end all, your other half, your happiness, is promising something she cannot deliver.
> 
> Live it up FeministinPink! Life has wonderful things in store for you if you let life lead.
> 
> If you are waiting to start "living" until you have a unanimous vote of unconditional support for whatever you do, you are not going to have much of a life.


Bitter much? 

you and Jelly Bean should get together. Your posts are all about NOT being in a relationship and hers are all about NOT being over her last relatinship. 

Just b/c I happened to meet someone really special, doesnt mean I have defined myself by this. We have promised each other nothing. 

I am doing what I WANT to do, yes, and I have not asked for any sort of validation from you or anyone. Not sure what you are accusing me of not living for. There are plenty of others you should address before myself, but thanks for the attention anyway. 

I think it's kinda sad how angry people are on here. Sorry if you arent married any longer. Maybe time to get over that...move on. Start living. 

Talk about judging. Wow.


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## Dedicated2Her

My ex started living.....now is pregnant and getting divorced....again. Who is to say what is living and what is not? Everyone has their own path....


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## Mo42

Well, I am not here telling anyone what living is. I asked a few questions and some posters replied stating that it is not possible for me to have met someone so quickly. So who is judging whom? 

I notice a pattern of certain posters continuing to state they arent ready to be with someone, but with the undertones that they WANT to meet someone, and I believe that my STBXW would love for me to sit and mourn her for years. Not happening. She treated me like garbage and I faced that and her decision to divorce was then embraced by me. 

I was never 'worried about finding a partner'; I spent weeks and months working on myself and found strenghth in some books, programs and church. Found confidence in working out, new clothes, cologne, looking and feeling good. Noticed other women noticing me. 

So --- if living can involve meeting someone I am fine with it. I had come on here asking for help in dealing with some of the aftermath of separation but quickly found some people are clearly slanted and biased with bitterness and it came across in their responses (see above); however Deejo gave me some great advice. Take responsibility, be honorable, be decisive, do no harm. Most of the other comments were nonsense about situations completely different from mine from people who appear to choose to be broken unendlessly. 

I havent settled for anythinig. I met a great person. She has her own life so we are glad when we get to spend time together. 

I do not know why I have been attacked however I am not going to let myself become angry about my lot in life. ( I could have been Secretary of State...indeed!).


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## Dedicated2Her

> from people who appear to choose to be broken unendlessly.


It's comments like that stirring the pot. Just Fyi.



> yeah on the other hand i know multiple people who have sat around for the better part of a decade saying, im just not ready, im just not ready. They wasted a good part of their lives doing literally NOTHING but being depressed.
> 
> Sorry, but I would rather err on the side of living.


That's your opinion based upon what is right for you. Some people are more emotional. It takes time for their heart to be "open" to love again. You have to do what's right, for you.


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## Mo42

**mo42 your posts are basically the same theme over and over, no one here is preventing you from "living."

**Not all people who are divorced want to define themselves by relationships - and any woman promising to be your everything, your be all end all, your other half, your happiness, is promising something she cannot deliver.

And these posts, directly naming me, are not judging? 

What the hell. ok Ill go along with you. 

Jelly Bean has issues and when I came on here for opinions re the fact that I met someone while going through a divorce, she immediately told me it is not possible. 

So who is telling who what? 

**So men here at TAM find the perfect woman who loves them like no one else right after divorce, perhaps they are in the 45% of people who remarry that do NOT divorce again. Time will tell.


More projecting, aimed at me. Who ever said anything about getting married again? Another bitter person spilling over onto the rest of the world with no regard. 

Luckily for me I am stronger and better than to allow myself, my attitude, my life to be poisoned by the negativity that pervades here. Others are not so lucky.


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## Dedicated2Her

To be totally frank with you MO42, your new relationship has a less that 1 pct chance of being successful. That's just how it is. 

Fact: 

You got the ILY but no in love with you speech less than 3 months ago. 

You can talk about spending time to work on yourself (5wks) but I'm afraid humans don't work that quickly. It just isn't part of our makeup. 

Now, maybe the ladies approach to you is a little "edgy". Well, it's probably because they see you as one of those guys that jumps out into dating and is all excited quickly.......then, three to four months later is emotionally all over the place and has no idea why. Retreat, and now you have hurt someone, unpurposely, but still hurt someone.

So, understand their perspective, don't get so defensive. JB has a good grip on herself and what she wants. I know, I've been reading her posts for years.......


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## Mo42

I didnt jump into any dating scene in any way, shape or form. I do not really think you can accurately predict the probability of success either, especially without knowing any of the circumstances (example-- you think I jumped into some dating scene...)

I mean, if you think JB has a good grip on anything, that alone diminishes your credibility. 

She has a thread about getting f**ked and then about a thousand posts about how she isnt ready for a relationship. Say what? yes, this is true. 


Please, if you want to be helpful-- give real info instead of vague generalities with no substance (other than 'i read a lot of posts') such as this--how is this any more than your own opinion? Dont just say "Ive been reading TAM for years". This is a small, bitter percentage of society I have stumbled across here...

You said....

Fact: 

You got the ILY but no in love with you speech less than 3 months ago. 

You can talk about spending time to work on yourself (5wks) but I'm afraid humans don't work that quickly. It just isn't part of our makeup.


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## Dedicated2Her

> This is a small, bitter percentage of society I have stumbled across here...


If you feel that way, leave. Yes, by reading your posts, you said that you got the speech less than 3 months ago. It is a fact, you are in a rebound relationship within 3 months of being separated. That puts you in a certain category no matter what your specific circumstances are. 

If you think my opinion on the issue is invalid, then fine. I help men recover from divorce in life outside of TAM. The main requirement for a man to effectively recover from divorce is to be teachable. I learned that early on in my own personal journey. I hope it works out for you. (this new relationship) Your odds would be better to win the Hunger Games, though.


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> My ex started living.....now is pregnant and getting divorced....again. Who is to say what is living and what is not? Everyone has their own path....


She's pregnant to boot?

Damn, she really knows how to get things right.


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## Dedicated2Her

> She's pregnant to boot?
> 
> Damn, she really knows how to get things right.


Yeah, she really screwed this one up.


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## philglossop

I guess everyone has a different idea of living and moving on. 

Remember most of us in the early days of seperation following on from the ILUBINILWU speech, even getting dressed and trying to go work is hard work. But we all do it, baby steps at first and then slowly those steps get easier.

If you find someone very early on from the seperation or during divorce IMO, it's either a rebound (to validate your worth as a human capable of love) or you're not done the hard work and that your new relationship really doesn't stand a scooby's in the longer term.

I actually rather enjoy being single and having some dates along the way- equally there has been a couple of "bouncey bouncey moments" but I can say my heart wasn't truly out there- the spark wasn't fantastic. Hey we move on!

But am I living now? Yes, it's different and new patterns are being sorted all the time but do I need a new relationship to make my "living" complete? Heck no!


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> Yeah, she really screwed this one up.


I wonder does he have a user account yet?


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> If you feel that way, leave. Yes, by reading your posts, you said that you got the speech less than 3 months ago. It is a fact, you are in a rebound relationship within 3 months of being separated. That puts you in a certain category no matter what your specific circumstances are.
> 
> If you think my opinion on the issue is invalid, then fine. I help men recover from divorce in life outside of TAM. The main requirement for a man to effectively recover from divorce is to be teachable. I learned that early on in my own personal journey. I hope it works out for you. (this new relationship) Your odds would be better to win the Hunger Games, though.


This is a great forum "because" are more likely to listen when all is lost.

And, it's still not a sure thing


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## Jellybeans

Ok. What is your problem, Mo42? This is the second time you keep posting stuff about Dedicated and I and at this point it's clear you are either pot stirring or trolling, because otherwise, it simply doesn't make sense to keep throwing all of these crap comments our way. 

I am completely clueless as to what your personal vendetta is but it is really bizarre. 




Mo42 said:


> Bitter much?
> 
> you and Jelly Bean should get together. Your posts are all about NOT being in a relationship and hers are all about NOT being over her last relatinship.


HUH? What in the world are you talking about? 



Mo42 said:


> Jelly Bean has issues and when I came on here for opinions re the fact that I met someone while going through a divorce, she immediately told me it is not possible.


Where exactly word for word did I tell you it's "not possible" to meet someone while going through a divorce?

Please find the post where I said that because I didn't. 

You keep putting words in my mouth and I am really confused as to why you keep making comments directed at me.




Mo42 said:


> I mean, if you think JB has a good grip on anything, that alone diminishes your credibility.
> 
> She has a thread about getting f**ked and then about a thousand posts about how she isnt ready for a relationship. Say what? yes, this is true.


What?! Where is my thread about "getting f*cked?" Clearly you are misinformed because most of my stuff is about NOT getting fcked. :rofl: 

And where is my post about NOT being ready for a relationship?

It seems you have been reading up on me and trying to form a personality for me. Maybe I have a fangirl in you! 

At this point, it seems like you are making personal attacks and stirring stuff in threads about Dedicated and I and that is against forum rules. 



2galsmom said:


> Not bitter at all, perhaps you are projecting, you are predictable.


You may be onto something.


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## Mo42

Dedicated2Her said:


> If you feel that way, leave. Yes, by reading your posts, you said that you got the speech less than 3 months ago. It is a fact, you are in a rebound relationship within 3 months of being separated. That puts you in a certain category no matter what your specific circumstances are.
> 
> If you think my opinion on the issue is invalid, then fine. I help men recover from divorce in life outside of TAM. The main requirement for a man to effectively recover from divorce is to be teachable. I learned that early on in my own personal journey. I hope it works out for you. (this new relationship) Your odds would be better to win the Hunger Games, though.


You again offer nothing to substantiate your opinion. More ego talk. 

-it is a fact you are in a rebound relationship--why? b/c you said so? it's all relative. if it doesnt work out it doesnt, but she is a great girl and the options as I see it, which most people refuse to address are a) keep seeing her and see how it goes or b) stop seeing her without really knowing why

--You teach people how to rebound from divorce. Why arent you a marriage counselor teaching people how to work out marriages? There is always something better out there but you do seem impressed with yourself, so congrats. 

--Your odds would be better to win the Hunger Games. Which, because, I believe, is a fictional scenario, means there are no odds, which is factually incorrect. As long as you are alive, there is, in fact, a chance, meaning there would be odds, however small they may be. If you want your cliches to be even considered, make them more effective. You sound like a clown with that remark.


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## Dedicated2Her

Mo42 said:


> You again offer nothing to substantiate your opinion. More ego talk.
> 
> -it is a fact you are in a rebound relationship--why? b/c you said so? it's all relative. if it doesnt work out it doesnt, but she is a great girl and the options as I see it, which most people refuse to address are a) keep seeing her and see how it goes or b) stop seeing her without really knowing why
> 
> --You teach people how to rebound from divorce. Why arent you a marriage counselor teaching people how to work out marriages? There is always something better out there but you do seem impressed with yourself, so congrats.
> 
> --Your odds would be better to win the Hunger Games. Which, because, I believe, is a fictional scenario, means there are no odds, which is factually incorrect. As long as you are alive, there is, in fact, a chance, meaning there would be odds, however small they may be. If you want your cliches to be even considered, make them more effective. You sound like a clown with that remark.


Ego talk. You mean, the fact that you got the ILYBNILWY speech three months ago from your wife and you are questioning the validity of it being a rebound? It's all relative...bahahahahaha. :rofl:

AND, I am impressed with myself....it's been a long ride and I persevered. Why would I be a marriage counselor? I have a career. 

The last bit about the hunger games kind of reminds me of "Dumb and Dumber"....."So, your saying there is a chance?????" I'm not trying to be effective. I understand most men aren't teachable. No sweat off my brow.


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## Mo42

Ego talk, meaning you have a lot of talking points that apparently in your mind are impressive sounding-- but still no reasoning for why they would be right or true. 

The Hunger Games talking point, is in fact not true at all. That you still refer to it and don't understand why it isnt true makes me wonder about your credibility (along with the fact that you throw out generalizations with nothing to substantiate them). 


I mean here is your signature- good and true for you but for some still unsaid not possible for me--

Re: Mistakes to avoid after a breakup 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mo42 
You again offer nothing to substantiate your opinion. More ego talk. 

-it is a fact you are in a rebound relationship--why? b/c you said so? it's all relative. if it doesnt work out it doesnt, but she is a great girl and the options as I see it, which most people refuse to address are a) keep seeing her and see how it goes or b) stop seeing her without really knowing why

--You teach people how to rebound from divorce. Why arent you a marriage counselor teaching people how to work out marriages? There is always something better out there but you do seem impressed with yourself, so congrats. 

--Your odds would be better to win the Hunger Games. Which, because, I believe, is a fictional scenario, means there are no odds, which is factually incorrect. As long as you are alive, there is, in fact, a chance, meaning there would be odds, however small they may be. If you want your cliches to be even considered, make them more effective. You sound like a clown with that remark. 

Ego talk. You mean, the fact that you got the ILYBNILWY speech three months ago from your wife and you are questioning the validity of it being a rebound? It's all relative...bahahahahaha. 

AND, I am impressed with myself....it's been a long ride and I persevered. Why would I be a marriage counselor? I have a career. 

The last bit about the hunger games kind of reminds me of "Dumb and Dumber"....."So, your saying there is a chance?????" I'm not trying to be effective. I understand most men aren't teachable. No sweat off my brow. 
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"Somewhere in my many trail runs and weight lifting sessions I found more than physical strength. I found I had the emotional strength I needed to survive my divorce and come out happy on the other side." Yep. 


Did it ever occur to you that I realized a long time ago I had a sh!tty marriage and frankly, my wife either didnt love more or treated me terribly or more likely both? 

Go on with your bad self. Sounds like you are helping a lot of people stay out of happy and healthy relationships.


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## Dedicated2Her

> Ego talk, meaning you have a lot of talking points that apparently in your mind are impressive sounding-- but still no reasoning for why they would be right or true.


Fact- you got the speech 3 months ago. Fact- you are already in a relationship. Fact- that is in it's very definition a rebound relationship. 

Anything else? 



> Did it ever occur to you that I realized a long time ago I had a sh!tty marriage and frankly, my wife either didnt love more or treated me terribly or more likely both?


So you are a victim?



> Go on with your bad self. Sounds like you are helping a lot of people stay out of happy and healthy relationships.


You haven't read much of my stuff. That's apparent. lol


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## Jellybeans

Dedicated, for what it's worth, I think you would make an excellent marriage counselor. 

But only if you wear a Batman cape.


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## Mo42

Why would i want to read more of your stuff? Internet shrinks easily pick up generalizations and assumptions that they pass along as truths in attempt to make themselves feel smart. 

Here are some more of your 'facts' (that are, in fact, opinions in the real world) :

You can talk about spending time to work on yourself (5wks) but I'm afraid humans don't work that quickly. It just isn't part of our makeup. 

Now, maybe the ladies approach to you is a little "edgy". Well, it's probably because they see you as one of those guys that jumps out into dating and is all excited quickly.......then, three to four months later is emotionally all over the place and has no idea why. Retreat, and now you have hurt someone, unpurposely, but still hurt someone.


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## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Dedicated, for what it's worth, I think you would make an excellent marriage counselor.
> 
> But only if you wear a Batman cape.


HA! That's awesome. I actually have worked with 7 couples when starting with the guy. The key to almost all of it is that the guy is teachable and the girl is willing to stay. 

It is a matter of the heart, and I don't want to take money to do that stuff. The payment/reward is watching people's lives enriched. It's become a passion of mine after working through all my crap. Most people try to rationalize things in order to match their emotional makeup rather than changing their emotional makeup to meet what is healthy through action.


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## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> The key to almost all of it is that the guy is teachable *and the girl is willing to stay. *


:rofl:


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## Mo42

Dedicated2Her said:


> HA! That's awesome. I actually have worked with 7 couples when starting with the guy. The key to almost all of it is that the guy is teachable and the girl is willing to stay.
> 
> It is a matter of the heart, and I don't want to take money to do that stuff. The payment/reward is watching people's lives enriched. It's become a passion of mine after working through all my crap. Most people try to rationalize things in order to match their emotional makeup rather than changing their emotional makeup to meet what is healthy through action.


Instead of all this mumbo jumbo-- do you have one practical, specific, thing that you think someone should be doing after a break up? And if so, why? 

I mean, obviously you dont think I should be dating the girl I am dating, so what should I be doing and for what purpose? When we went out the first time and clearly liked each other, what should have happened? Instead of telling me I have no chance and that I am wrong, why not tell me what it takes to be in a healthy place after a separation/break up?


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## Dedicated2Her

One specific thing you can do is to develop an accountability system. There are really good Divorce Recovery groups that churches put together. I was involved in one. If you don't want to be around something spiritually based, there are meetup groups. The key is to be around other men that are in relatively the same circumstances, but also have men involved that have come out the other side. I had a good group of about 7. We spent at least 1-2 nights a week spending time together. 

You have been married. WHICH, took away your identity as an individual. You need to find that individuality again. A great, happy, healthy, relationship involves two whole individuals in order to truly thrive. Being around other men in a safe environment that are dedicated to helping you become the best you possible.......is a great first step. There is a LOT more.


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## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> HA! That's awesome. I actually have worked with 7 couples when starting with the guy. *The key to almost all of it is that the guy is teachable and the girl is willing to stay*.
> 
> It is a matter of the heart, and I don't want to take money to do that stuff. The payment/reward is watching people's lives enriched. It's become a passion of mine after working through all my crap. Most people try to rationalize things in order to match their emotional makeup rather than changing their emotional makeup to meet what is healthy through action.


This was true in the case of my marriage - or perhaps the inverse? I was willing to stay, but only if he was teachable/was willing to learn. Which he wasn't, so it had to end.

But I don't think this is necessarily the case in all failing marriages. The woman isn't always right. (Bookmark this gents, you might not hear another woman admit this for a very long time.) Both people have to take some responsibility for the failure of the relationship, recognize the role they played - and learn and grown from that.

Which brings me to...



Dedicated2Her said:


> One specific thing you can do is to develop an accountability system. There are really good Divorce Recovery groups that churches put together. I was involved in one. If you don't want to be around something spiritually based, there are meetup groups. The key is to be around other men that are in relatively the same circumstances, but also have men involved that have come out the other side. I had a good group of about 7. We spent at least 1-2 nights a week spending time together.
> 
> You have been married. WHICH, took away your identity as an individual. You need to find that individuality again. A great, happy, healthy, relationship involves two whole individuals in order to truly thrive. Being around other men in a safe environment that are dedicated to helping you become the best you possible.......is a great first step. There is a LOT more.


This is part of learning from your mistakes. It doesn't just happen overnight. I'm in a really good place after my divorce, and it;s not because I'm all healed and happy. It's because I've recognized what it is that I need to learn, and now I'm focusing on learning that and healing properly. If you don't focus on healing properly, you end up with all this fugly emotional scar tissue, and once you have that fugly emotional scar tissue, you might never be able to fix it, and then you just end up having f*cked up relationship after f*cked up relationship because you didn't take the time in the first place to deal with your sh!t! 

Dealing with that sh!t can take a long time, and it helps if you have the support of other people, like Dedicated's group. I've found a lot of support here on TAM; I haven't done so well IRL, but I have found one Meetup group that might work well.

I think Dedicated makes a REALLY GOOD POINT about finding yourself as an individual again. This is what they're talking about when they say, "You have to love yourself before you can really love another person" (and other similar sayings). You can't really know yourself, what's best for you, and what you REALLY want if you're all caught up in another person. And this is part of the learning/healing process, getting a better sense of who you are and what you stand for.


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## Dedicated2Her

> But I don't think this is necessarily the case in all failing marriages.


You are absolutely correct, however, men are born leaders and relationship issues are 50/50. As a man, own your side, and typically the woman will follow. However, I am a prime example of the exception. 

I am very happy to be an exception, though.


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## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> You are absolutely correct, however, men are born leaders and relationship issues are 50/50. As a man, own your side, and typically the woman will follow. However, I am a prime example of the exception.
> 
> I am very happy to be an exception, though.


You should be happy if you're the exception, I suppose. 

To me, your original statement ("The key to almost all of it is that the guy is teachable and the girl is willing to stay") seemed to imply that in most cases the guy is primarily at fault for the degradation of the relationship. Despite the fact that most of my guy friends assure me that most men are idiots when it comes to relationships and NEED to be taught, I hope that this isn't true for all men. And if men are this way, part of it is because they are coddled by women in their life and/or conditioned by society to be dolts. Personally, I think that needs to change. Which, to come back full circle, echos your original sentiment that the guy needs to be teachable.

OK, so what I'm trying to say is that the original statement might be insulting to some guys, even if it is true for MOST guys. 

Anyway, I'd rather have a teachable man than unteachable/unresponsive/inflexible any day. So when you say you're an exception, I hope that you mean that you aren't an idiot, rather than meaning you're unteachable/unresponsive/inflexible?

OK, so I think there must be 3:
1) teachable
2) unteachable/unresponsive/inflexible
3) those who have already been taught, or who can actually get it right without having their hand held

???

Sorry, I'm just stupid tired right now and should get off TAM.


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## Dedicated2Her

FeministInPink said:


> You should be happy if you're the exception, I suppose.
> 
> To me, your original statement ("The key to almost all of it is that the guy is teachable and the girl is willing to stay") seemed to imply that in most cases the guy is primarily at fault for the degradation of the relationship. Despite the fact that most of my guy friends assure me that most men are idiots when it comes to relationships and NEED to be taught, I hope that this isn't true for all men. And if men are this way, part of it is because they are coddled by women in their life and/or conditioned by society to be dolts. Personally, I think that needs to change. Which, to come back full circle, echos your original sentiment that the guy needs to be teachable.
> 
> OK, so what I'm trying to say is that the original statement might be insulting to some guys, even if it is true for MOST guys.
> 
> Anyway, I'd rather have a teachable man than unteachable/unresponsive/inflexible any day. So when you say you're an exception, I hope that you mean that you aren't an idiot, rather than meaning you're unteachable/unresponsive/inflexible?
> 
> OK, so I think there must be 3:
> 1) teachable
> 2) unteachable/unresponsive/inflexible
> 3) those who have already been taught, or who can actually get it right without having their hand held
> 
> ???
> 
> Sorry, I'm just stupid tired right now and should get off TAM.


I am an exception in that I owned my 50%...changed my side of the relationship....and my ex did not follow. Typically, they do. (women)

I was extremely teachable because I was desperate.......desperate for my family to stay together. I believe I read over 100 books in about a 2 year span. I went through 3 journals.....buried myself in therapy and process. I'll never forget the moment that I realized I had lived a life of arrogance. That was a tough day.


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## 2galsmom

Dedicated2Her said:


> You are absolutely correct, however, *men are born leaders* and relationship issues are 50/50. As a man, own your side, and typically the woman will follow. However, I am a prime example of the exception.
> 
> I am very happy to be an exception, though.




Ya lost me there. *ALL* men are born leaders? 

No sir. Not even close. Men are taught to feel entitled to be leaders. BIG difference. So the ones that are not leaders Those must be the unteachable of which you speak?

Females are followers? Nice. Some are, but not all. Guess we are the teachable ones that are not.

You are almost going to make me side with Mo42.

Now Mo42, we have asked before, what is your problem? If you are telling us the truth, you like her and she likes you and you already have the ball rolling then what more do you want from us? 

None of us know what will happen.

She could be your next wife and love you until you die. She could be a closet psycho and stab you to death with an ice pick. You could meet someone else. She could die in an accident with a delivery vehicle. We cannot give you the validation you seek.

I remember this male I went to school with, he hated this country because women had run amok and men were way to submissive with them!

He said our professor was "stupid."

I quote, "She called the same muscle two names. Two names, she doesn't even know what she is taking about, first she called it the biceps, then she goes and calls it the biceps brachii, well which is it? Maybe she should go back to school herself!"

Maybe, then again maybe not ye who thinks he is a leader.


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## Dedicated2Her

> Ya lost me there. ALL men are born leaders?
> 
> No sir. Not even close. Men are taught to feel entitled to be leaders. BIG difference. So the ones that are not leaders Those must be the unteachable of which you speak?
> 
> Females are followers? Nice. Some are, but not all. Guess we are the teachable ones that are not.


Quite honestly, being a leader sucks. It isn't fun, nor is it some glamorous entitlement. It requires more sacrifice, less of self, and much, much more giving. This one went over your head....



> You are almost going to make me side with Mo42.


Well, I'm not here to be popular. In fact, I believe a lot of people would disagree. The truth always comes out in time, though.

It has nothing to do with "thinking" you are a leader. I know you are really going to love what I'm about to say. Women have a MUCH harder time actioning themselves into emotions. Why? Because women are designed emotional creatures, and men, are designed logical creatures. Now, their childhood and all their experiences could change that based upon what there life has been like......But, that is the NATURAL INCLINATION. See your response I quoted.....that is an emotional response.

But, I really don't expect anyone to understand unless they sat there in front of me on a weekly basis and walked through the dynamics of their personal journey and what was going on their lives.


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> Quite honestly, being a leader sucks. It isn't fun, nor is it some glamorous entitlement. It requires more sacrifice, less of self, and much, much more giving. This one went over your head....


When we look through the lens of anger, things get distorted.


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## Jellybeans

Conrad sounds like a fortune cookie


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## Mo42

She could be your next wife and love you until you die. She could be a closet psycho and stab you to death with an ice pick. You could meet someone else. She could die in an accident with a delivery vehicle. We cannot give you the validation you seek.

***************

Im truly not looking for validation. I am looking for legitimate reasons why it cannot work or why I should stop seeing her. 

I know she is not a psycho. I live in a smaller city and she grew up in the same neighborhood, we went to the same h.s. and then to the same university. We all have our demons, we know this. 

I accept that we dont know what is going to happen.

What I do not accept is that we DO know what is going to happen based on only the fact that I am being divorced. 

the 'we just arent wired that way' explanations are more harm than saying nothing at all if that is the best you can give. 

I am aware of what some of my issues are. I am in IC and want to find out more about what I can do better in relationships, but I cannot fix my stbxw. She admitted the other day that she sabatoged our marriage. 

She was trained, subconsciously, to end our marriage this way--WAW. It is what she learned growing up. She was more selfish than her mother though, and on my end, I let her get away with it for ten years. Was not responsible, not decisive.


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## Conrad

Jellybeans said:


> Conrad sounds like a fortune cookie


I taste even better


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## Mo42

and if you pose that i could possibly get hit by a delivery truck, then wouldnt the argument to err on the side of being LESS cautious in life and love be favorable to the argument of being more reserved and potentially missing out on some great fun and unforgettable moments-- since we do not know when that delivery truck is going to roll up on you.


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## Dedicated2Her

> I am aware of what some of my issues are. I am in IC and want to find out more about what I can do better in relationships, but I cannot fix my stbxw. She admitted the other day that she sabatoged our marriage.
> 
> She was trained, subconsciously, to end our marriage this way--WAW. It is what she learned growing up. She was more selfish than her mother though, and on my end, I let her get away with it for ten years. Was not responsible, not decisive.


Here are your reasons not to date the new gf. You must heal from this in order to be a whole contributor to a new relationship....or you will deal with a very difficult road ahead. 

Date the new girl.....in 8 months.


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## 2galsmom

Mo42 - here is a legitimate reason why it may not work, if you are going through a divorce you had all of two days before you were announcing your divorce and finding a new romantic interest and you have not done the work to explore how you ended up in a divorced marriage and addressed it.

Yes I know 2 days is an exaggeration, but you went immediately from finding out you were getting a divorce to a new love interest.

You played a role in your divorce, we all did, somehow. You have not addressed that and done the spiritual, psychological and emotional work that is needed to address that. Yes, you played a role in the divorce SOMEHOW. Did you marry your wife too quickly? We don't know. Are you a codependent or masochist? We don't know. Did you abuse her and she left? We don't know. Did you neglect your wife and make her feel unloved? We don't know. Do you select people with whom the relationship is destined to fail? We don't know. 

Do you know?

Do you look for completion in someone else? Sorta looks that way to us (and I can speak for others as I have read their quotes).

All you said was your wife left, you were pissed you spent money on earrings and she got a Brazilian wax and then all of a sudden it was a business relationship and you found a new girl and WHY CAN'T IT WORK OUT TAM!

Divorce lawyers now have what they call "frequent flyers" people who run from one relationship to another and it breaks up. Just because you don't marry her does not mean the relationship will last.

You do seem to seek validation and for us to say LIVE LIVE LIVE, the best I could do was say that none of know what will happen, there are no guarantees you won't break up so go do what you have to do no one is stopping you.


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## Mo42

Well, here is a more accurate account. 

Got the ILYBINILWY speech around halloween. Spent the weekend away from home, at my moms. Came back on sunday, forgave her for walking away and what she was about to do. 

Read no more mr nice guy, MMSP and several others and realized that letting her have her way on everything was wrong on my part. I did not buy earrings. Not sure what that is about. 

Started environment changers, learned how to take responsibility, deal with anger, deal with HER anger, observe. Continued to exercise, only harder now. Started a FB account-- I was the last person I know who didnt have one-- and reconnected with dozens and dozens of old friends who I SHOULD have stayed friends with but didnt b/c i buried myself in my marriage. 

Six weeks later, one of those old friends and I met out. I knew she would be a good person to meet up w/ b/c she is unendingly positive. We became close. Ive been dating her 5-6 weeks. 

I never had a long, serious relationship before I got married and I didnt get married until my early 30s. I know how to be alone. I know that I lost myself and the things I love in my marriage. New friend has a 10 year old son and in both our cases our kids are first, so I see her once or twice a week--when both of us do not have our kids. 

I know this isnt perfect. I know it may not work out. I know that it may also and...

Jellybean is on another thread telling a man in day 30 after filing divorce and now dating-- good for you, live it up.

It doesnt matter if I am seeking validation here or not. What happens on these messages does not in fact dictate the decisions I make. Frankly, I read these stories foremost for entertainment value, and then deejo or conrad will have a post randomly tucked into a long drama that is something to remember, to write down and to remind yourself of. 

Other than that, the TAM 'message' is pretty much garbled. Do this, dont do that. Hide under a rock minimum 2 years. Your almost divorced, bang everything in site. Your spouse is cheating -- this is most common, by the way, and the main reason people whose spouse is NOT cheating leave here quickly.


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## Mo42

Here is what, again, is contributing to an incoherent message from TAM--

On the singles thread, a poster states their D will be final in 4 months and in a new relationship that is going great. 

Very next post is from Deadicated, completely forgets the 'it's too soon' tack and comments on other irrelevent items. 

So, i guess it just depends upon your mood, huh?


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## 2galsmom

"she asked me to move $15 to our joint acct to pay for half of some earrings that she bought our daughter for xmas."

I got that from the Feeling A Lot of Anger thread you started Mo42. 

At any rate Mo42, I believe the people here have you great advice and I am sorry you did not like it. I have felt your anger and frustration through your posts and understand why you do not understand one person telling another to live it up but telling you to take it easy in your rebound. There is a difference between living it up and dating to date and placing pressure on yourself that the first person you date post divorce will work out or not into a LTR.

Odd are, simply statistically, it will not work out.

It may Mo42 like I said, it may. What I do think, given a more thorough research of your posts, is that you are looking for approval. Don't.

Perhaps this was an issue in your marriage, you said "Yes" to you wife to get approval as well. Break the cycle and stop asking us o approve or explain why we disapprove of you dating this person you knew in your past. We do not know the future, you or her.

If TAM isn't helping check out Little Buddha. #3 You, not us, are robbing yourself of living in the present by worrying and seeking approval.

7 Ways to Know When Your Mind is Trying to Control Your Life


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> I taste even better


ummm.. ewwww 

(sorry couldn't resist... now back to the serious thread)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dedicated2Her

> Very next post is from Deadicated, completely forgets the 'it's too soon' tack and comments on other irrelevent items.
> 
> So, i guess it just depends upon your mood, huh?


It's the fun thread. I can have differing opinions with people and still enjoy myself. You, were asking specifically for advice on your specific situation.


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## Jellybeans

Mo42 said:


> Jellybean is on another thread telling a man in day 30 after filing divorce and now dating-- good for you, live it up.


I am coming to think that you are* obsessed *with me.

It is really, really fckin weird how you keep naming me in your posts and stating what I write in other threads.

*What is your fixation with me?*

To be honest, you are starting to creep me out.


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## Mo42

It may Mo42 like I said, it may. What I do think, given a more thorough research of your posts, is that you are looking for approval. Don't.

Perhaps this was an issue in your marriage, you said "Yes" to you wife to get approval as well. Break the cycle and stop asking us o approve or explain why we disapprove of you dating this person you knew in your past. We do not know the future, you or her.

If TAM isn't helping check out Little Buddha. #3 You, not us, are robbing yourself of living in the present by worrying and seeking approval.

7 Ways to Know When Your Mind is Trying to Control Your Life 
****

Interesting. Im sure there is a post count somewhere and yours is likely 10x mine, and that is an indication of how much time each of us spend on here looking for validation. 

As for Jelly, well, like I inferred, I am not on here often at all, but you stand out as a self-proclaimed victim. Hard not to notice. 

And deadicated, that was a poor excuse for hypocricy coming from someone so wise and righteous.


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## Jellybeans

Mo42 said:


> Interesting. Im sure there is a post count somewhere and yours is likely 10x mine, and that is an indication of how much time each of us spend on here looking for validation.
> 
> As for Jelly, well, like I inferred*, I am not on here often at all, but you stand out as a self-proclaimed victim. Hard not to notice. *
> 
> And deadicated, *that was a poor excuse for hypocricy coming from someone so wise and righteous*.


He's back!

Once again, trying to stir things up.


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## Morgiana

Me thinks he's a fan boi of yours JB


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## Conrad

Jellybeans said:


> He's back!
> 
> Once again, trying to stir things up.


And, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's the fun thread. I can have differing opinions with people and still enjoy myself. You, were asking specifically for advice on your specific situation.


You were much more Deadicated when you were still with "Her"


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## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> ummm.. ewwww
> 
> (sorry couldn't resist... now back to the serious thread)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just a bit of unsolicited testimony from ConradHat.


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## Jellybeans

Conrad said:


> You were much more Deadicated when you were still with "Her"


Why do you always dig at Dedicated? Curious. You seem to post a lot of passive-agressive remarks to him.



Conrad said:


> And, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.


I wouldn't call it a blink of an eye. He trolled for a bit before he got banned. Again.



2galsmom said:


> Wow. Mo42 will not be missed.


The post-stalking was extremely bizarre.


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> Just a bit of unsolicited testimony from ConradHat.


hahahahha... that was good it cracked me up....

hmm though conrad have you looked at my hats lately? not sure if you fall in my current style of hats category... i dont have a shirtless pic of SA up bit suffice it to say he is similar to killer hat.... and both thoes boys can back up what they look like 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> hahahahha... that was good it cracked me up....
> 
> hmm though conrad have you looked at my hats lately? not sure if you fall in my curreny style of hats category
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't say I've looked.


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> Can't say I've looked.


lets just say my current style has been big, extremely fit, law enforcement style guys (though not always their current profession)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Why do you always dig at Dedicated? Curious. You seem to post a lot of passive-agressive remarks to him.


JB, conrad and I have somewhat of a past history of some pretty epic point/counter point conversations back in the 2010/2011 time frame. 



> You were much more Deadicated when you were still with "Her"


I love this. LOL. So much irony.


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## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> lets just say my current style has been big, extremely fit, law enforcement style guys (though not always their current profession)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think unsure has swung the pendulum to the alpha side of things for the moment. However, the sex part of this has got to get better? amirite?


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> JB, conrad and I have somewhat of a past history of some pretty epic point/counter point conversations back in the 2010/2011 time frame.
> 
> 
> 
> I love this. LOL. So much irony.


Masculine bonding Jelly.

Think of it like a couple of old buddies who've shared the experience of searing pain and emerged friends. Busting each other is basically a term of endearment.


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## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I think unsure has swung the pendulum to the alpha side of things for the moment. However, the sex part of this has got to get better? amirite?


yes, i went extreme alpha, i have temperd back a bit... SA is a nice mix... hmm yes the sex HAS to get better though, its improving but im not sure he can keep up with me... im no jpr but im a physical girl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Aw, well I am glad to hear you guys love eachother  That warms my heart. Sorry if I offended. Haha.


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## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, well I am glad to hear you guys love eachother  That warms my heart. Sorry if I offended. Haha.


Group Hugs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans




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## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> yes, i went extreme alpha, i have temperd back a bit... SA is a nice mix... hmm yes the sex HAS to get better though, its improving but im not sure he can keep up with me... im no jpr but im a physical girl
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And, physical girls need physical guys..... both athletically and sexually.


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## Morgiana

unsure78 said:


> hahahahha... that was good it cracked me up....
> 
> hmm though conrad have you looked at my hats lately? not sure if you fall in my current style of hats category... i dont have a shirtless pic of SA up bit suffice it to say he is similar to killer hat.... and both thoes boys can back up what they look like
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Accept my friend invite so I can be a voyeur!


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## Morgiana

Dedicated2Her said:


> And, physical girls need physical guys..... both athletically and sexually.


Amen to this D2H. I am looking for a partner to engage in some of my activities... I'm never going to be a SaHM again :smthumbup:. :rofl:


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## Conrad

Morgiana said:


> Accept my friend invite so I can be a voyeur!


Only my hairdresser knows for sure.


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> Only my hairdresser knows for sure.


lol.... you are on a roll today ill give you that 

(oh and btw my hairdresser hit on me this summer trying to convince of the virtues of an older man.)


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## unsure78

Morgiana said:


> Accept my friend invite so I can be a voyeur!


request has been granted... really nothing to exciting in my pics


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## Morgiana

unsure78 said:


> request has been granted... really nothing to exciting in my pics


I read the original post as you HAD a shirtless pic up :rofl:


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## unsure78

Morgiana said:


> I read the original post as you HAD a shirtless pic up :rofl:


hahahhahaha..... well you know i like to show off the girls....hahahaahhah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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