# Bachelor party that ended up at the strippers



## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Okay, here is the story. My friend is getting married and he had a bachelor party. I am a married man and while I will own the fact that I used to frequent strip clubs I don't anymore and haven't since I met my wife. We've been married 12 years. There was an all day thing and the last few hours of the night was going to be spent in a strip club. Even though I was in the wedding party I didn't feel right about doing this knowing full well what can and DOES happen at strip clubs especially during the always favoured bachelor party groups. So I mentioned it to the groom and a couple of the guys that I wouldn't feel right anymore about going to the strip club but I am with them for the rest of the stuff that happens. It wasn't received well, and I just didn't bring it up again. 

Then the time came to go to the strip club. I had no problem dropping some of the guys off in my car there but I didn't want to go in and told the groom I wouldn't. He put up a fuss, was hostile to the idea and wanted me to come in for at least one drink. All of the sudden it seemed all I had been through with this guy and all the times I had his back didn't seem to matter anymore since I wasn't coming in. I'm married, I don't think it is right and not only that I am happily married, but didn't tell anyone else not to, I just did it myself and spoke for myself. 

So what would you have done? Was I being anal? Was he? Should he have understood my position? I don't regret what I did, I have a spectacular girl and don't need that lifestyle anymore.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Man - that was pretty lame of your friend! I don't get why he would be so angry about not joining in. If you weren't being judgmental, and just doing what you feel like you needed to do to respect your relationship...

He should have been cool with that. And even more - if he is truly ready to get married, he should have understood that. 

Personally, I have no problem with strip clubs, if my husband was going to a bachelor party, I would tell him to go and have fun - but it sounds like you know yourself, and your wife, and that going wouldn't have been the right choice for you.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You did what was best for you and your marriage. Maybe, one day your friend would be blessed to have this understanding.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Never go against your morals or character for anyone. Great job. 

What does your wife have to say about it?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

What do you want your children to do when they are being pressured to drink or do drugs or shoplift etc?

This is no different. It's simply standing by your values in the face of peer pressure and not following the herd when the herd is doing something that goes against your personal values and mores.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I think you're awesome!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, here is the story. My friend is getting married and he had a bachelor party. I am a married man and while I will own the fact that I used to frequent strip clubs I don't anymore and haven't since I met my wife. We've been married 12 years. There was an all day thing and the last few hours of the night was going to be spent in a strip club. Even though I was in the wedding party I didn't feel right about doing this knowing full well what can and DOES happen at strip clubs especially during the always favoured bachelor party groups. So I mentioned it to the groom and a couple of the guys that I wouldn't feel right anymore about going to the strip club but I am with them for the rest of the stuff that happens. It wasn't received well, and I just didn't bring it up again.
> 
> Then the time came to go to the strip club. I had no problem dropping some of the guys off in my car there but I didn't want to go in and told the groom I wouldn't. He put up a fuss, was hostile to the idea and wanted me to come in for at least one drink. All of the sudden it seemed all I had been through with this guy and all the times I had his back didn't seem to matter anymore since I wasn't coming in. I'm married, I don't think it is right and not only that I am happily married, but didn't tell anyone else not to, I just did it myself and spoke for myself.
> 
> So what would you have done? Was I being anal? Was he? Should he have understood my position? I don't regret what I did, I have a spectacular girl and don't need that lifestyle anymore.


I’d have done the same thing you did.

Your friend is a douche. Hope you told him to go **** himself.


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## SGr (Mar 19, 2015)

Can't put a price on being able to look yourself in the mirror and your wife in the eyes and have nothing to worry about.

Sent from my 6045O using Tapatalk


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

ABHale said:


> Never go against your morals or character for anyone. Great job.
> 
> What does your wife have to say about it?


Prior to me going I brought it up with her. My wife and I trust each other and I swear to you not a single argument in our entire marriage about jealousy. So she said, yeah if that's what he is doing, you can go. I brought up that we have kids now, we are married, are active in our church and none of that would seem right. She agreed, and in all honesty wouldn't have wanted me to go, she is just very non-confrontational. The next day she asked if the guys went out to the club and I said "Yeah"............she responded with "So just you left?" I said "yeah". She definitely was glad to hear that. 



GusPolinski said:


> I’d have done the same thing you did.
> 
> Your friend is a douche. Hope you told him to go **** himself.


He is a good friend and I thought maybe he was just a little drunk and that was it. I have no idea why he and some of the other guys got their shirts in a knot over it. Some are married, some never will be. Maybe my actions made him feel guilty? I don't know, that wasn't what I was trying to do, I was just looking out for my own marriage and I don't need anything to put a wedge between us. I don't need my wife wondering if I had a lap dance, I've got a great life now, I plan on keeping it that way. I've been through a lot with my friend, lots of good times, I'll let him get over it, maybe he'll understand someday. Heck, how can a soon to be married guy not understand, that I would like to know, but he doesn't, which doesn't bode well I don't think. But hey, I didn't tell anyone what to do, I only spoke for myself and I even dropped some of the guys off at the club saving them cab fare.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

They got their skirts in a knot because it reflected poorly on them going. 

There you were saying I going to be faithful to my wife and my God. Why would they not throw a fit about it. 

Great job.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

You stuck to your principles, and your buddy turned into a major arsehole. I am afraid the old saying applies: Fuçk him and the horse he rode in on.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

On the other hand, one can go into a strip club and do no harm to your marriage. Hell, you can sit so you're not even facing the stage.

In my youth in strip clubs, I never got drunk, used drugs, got a lap dance, or banged a stripper. In fact, I never did anything that I would have been embarrassed to have my wife in the next seat over.

Did you have an explicit "no strip clubs" agreement with your wife?


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

You did the right thing by not going.
I have never understood what some people 
call the last night of freedom thing and strippers.
If you think of it that way how do they view their 
upcoming marriage ? (Prison) I wonder how your friend
would feel if his soon to be bride had a party
with a male stripper ?. Those are usually private 
and not at a club.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ABHale said:


> They got their skirts in a knot because it reflected poorly on them going.
> 
> There you were saying I going to be faithful to my wife and my God. Why would they not through a fit about it.
> 
> Great job.


This was my thought as well. They probably know it's a little sleazy and you bowing out made them feel even more sleazy. It's easier to justify when "everyone's doing it".

Too bad for them.....if you're adult enough to do it you're adult enough to own it. 

You did good.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

I would have done the same. Your friend should respect you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I'd wouldn't give my husband grief if he went in. But I wouldn't have to because like you he wouldn't go in. He's happily married and just wouldn't want to be in that environment. You did well and you shouldn't let your friends give you grief.

Some will say it's no big deal just like porn but these images pollute your brain. Often times make you unhappy with what you have. And of course objectifies women turning them into objects.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Well I would have gone in with them, but that is me. You didn't want to so you shouldn't be forced to do so. You stayed within your own boundaries. That was the right thing to do for yourself. Good job


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## ohthanks02 (Apr 29, 2018)

u werent being anal but you could have just went in to have 1 drink and just acted like ur going to the bathroom and just go back into the car lol


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

ABHale said:


> They got their skirts in a knot because it reflected poorly on them going.
> 
> There you were saying I going to be faithful to my wife and my God. Why would they not through a fit about it.
> 
> Great job.


The thing is, I didn't even go that far. I just said in a casual way "Hey man, you guys know I'm married, that's not my scene anymore." At my age (we aren't 21 or anything) I figured grown men wouldn't care about that either way. They do their thing, I do my thing. It didn't work out that way. It was reminiscent of being in Grade 8 and being pressured to have a cigarette. Honestly, never felt such needless peer pressure in about 20 years. 



Cletus said:


> On the other hand, one can go into a strip club and do no harm to your marriage. Hell, you can sit so you're not even facing the stage.
> 
> In my youth in strip clubs, I never got drunk, used drugs, got a lap dance, or banged a stripper. In fact, I never did anything that I would have been embarrassed to have my wife in the next seat over.
> 
> Did you have an explicit "no strip clubs" agreement with your wife?


That's true, you don't have to do a thing. I would know this, the guy's would know this and if I told my wife she would probably know this...................probably. But why take the chance? We've got young children, a mix between sons and daughters, I am not 21 anymore. I am not single or interested in the things that can transpire. You can see things on a computer or watching a movie and it is a guarantee you won't have sex with Scarlett Johanssen just because you saw her naked in a movie. A stripper flocking to a bachelor party group like a fat kid on a smartie, you might. Throw in alcohol, throw in stuff like your buddies even chipping in for a lap dance for you and who knows. Like I said before, I am no rookie when it comes to strip clubs. I've been there. I've seen a groom at his bachelor party get oral sex (not seen it but you know what I mean). It happens. I really don't think women know the things that can happen in there, but I can because I've lived it. The difference being is that I had no one to answer to, no relationship to threaten. Sounds simple you think huh? But I may as well have dropped a nuclear bomb.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

ohthanks02 said:


> u werent being anal but you could have just went in to have 1 drink and just acted like ur going to the bathroom and just go back into the car lol


haha, yeah I am afraid that would be only worse. I'm more of a "man's man" type and I'll tell it like it is. I'd rather just be upfront than sneak out behind their backs, that'd be cowardly.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

""Yeah"............she responded with "So just you left?" I said "yeah". She definitely was glad to hear that. 
"

That tells you RIGHT THERE you did the correct thing. You stood up for what YOU believed in, and you showed your own boundaries that you protect your marriage to your wife. Win win.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Clockwork said:


> The thing is, I didn't even go that far. I just said in a casual way "Hey man, you guys know I'm married, that's not my scene anymore." At my age (we aren't 21 or anything) I figured grown men wouldn't care about that either way. They do their thing, I do my thing. It didn't work out that way. It was reminiscent of being in Grade 8 and being pressured to have a cigarette. Honestly, never felt such needless peer pressure in about 20 years.


Given that you didn't go into your specific reasons, the other guys may have been thinking that you were being a wet blanket, and not realized that this was an act of principle for you. And it sounds like the groom was just drunk.

Good for you on sticking by your principles on this. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Clockwork said:


> haha, yeah I am afraid that would be only worse. I'm more of a "man's man" type and I'll tell it like it is. I'd rather just be upfront than sneak out behind their backs, that'd be cowardly.


You were right to do what you did.
By the way you could mention to your wife that seeing as you missed out on the show,maybe she could put on a little private show just for you.
Just saying......


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You stuck by your principles. That is what a man does. Having one drink or weather gets possible not to be badd in a strip club are irrelevant. This isn't about whether strip clubs are objective Li moral. You had a principle, and you stuck by it. Like I said, that is what a man does.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

First, anything involving strippers MUST be talked about (whether girls going to see guy strippers or have a guy stripper at hotel room or for guys to have girl strippers) between husband and wife or fiancé and fiancé. No one should EVER do this unless they've talked it out and both parties are OK with it. If either party doesn't want their mate paying for sexual entertainment coming from someone other than them than it should be NIXED immediately. 

Second, I don't know what to tell you. Who cares if he/they don't like it. When you are done with your part of the night just say bye and leave. I would have left because my wife and I have a no stripper understanding, we both find that highly disrespectful to the marriage. My friends aren't into that stuff but I would have left or not even gone to the bachelor party at all. 

You've agreed to be in his wedding. You are under no obligation to go to this type of stuff especially if you feel it is inappropriate towards your marriage.

I'm strong willed and peer pressure doesn't get to me so I don't see the issue. Leave any time you want. Don't even stick around for the conversation for wait for any "approval" just leave. "I don't do strip clubs, you guys have fun, take care" and then leave. I wouldn't give a rats ass if they were mouthing off as I left. 

See the faulty logic? He/they were "mad" at you for not paying another woman other than your wife to take off their clothes and to display their naked body for you to sexually entice you? Why would anyone be mad about that?

I'd have left and not even left it open for discussion. 

I'll be honest, I hate strip clubs, I loathe strippers and I'd not think highly of my friend for wanting to do that. I'd never set foot in a strip club for pay a woman for anything sexual, ever. Was his fiancé informed and ok with this stuff?


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Clockwork said:


> we are married, are active in our church


Your wife gave you permission and was ok with you going even though you guys are active in your church? Why was she going to be ok with it?

What about the whole "whoever looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her already in his heart"? Pretty much lusting after naked women is all you do at a strip club.......and you pay them your and your families money to do it. 

So she was ok with you going to pay some strangers to sexually entice you to lust after their fully naked bodies all night? 

Not the feedback I would expect from a churchgoing wife.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Clockwork said:


> He put up a fuss, was hostile to the idea and wanted me to come in for at least one drink.


Did he at least offer to pay your cover?

More seriously, you can't argue with sticking to your principles.

Every strip club bachelor party I've been to, including my own in a red light district, started out with a briefing. Everyone agreed to basically look but not touch, everyone had everyone's back and wouldn't let anyone (not limited to just the bachelor) do anything "stupid".


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

hinterdir said:


> Your wife gave you permission and was ok with you going even though you guys are active in your church? Why was she going to be ok with it?
> 
> What about the whole "whoever looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her already in his heart"? Pretty much lusting after naked women is all you do at a strip club.......and you pay them your and your families money to do it.
> 
> ...


I went to a strip club once at age 26.

Whil I am a strong heterosexual, I did not lust after the women. Actually, I found them completely uninteresting.

That said, I do agree that OP absolutely did the right thing, as I would have done any time since that experience.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

While I personally don't have any moral feelings either way on strip clubs, like you I pretty much stopped going once I settled down and had kids. I think you are fully in your right to drop out so long as you weren't the preacher on it and passing judgement on others (I don't think you were).

How old is your friend and is this his first marriage? I'm sure he was probably pretty drunk and guys love to playfully **** test each other. Also if he hasn't been married before and doesn't have kids it's probably fair to say he's on a different wavelength/maturity level. Nothing wrong with that and somewhat understandable. He'll probably feel/behave differently after a few years too. 

l'd say it would be appropriate to just have a quick conversation with him next time you hang and let him know where your head was at. Take his pressure on this as a sign that he values you greatly as a friend and really wanted you around to be part of his experience. You certainly don't need to apologize for anything tho, and wouldn't push for that from him either (tho he'll probably offer it if he's a good guy). Water under bridge and move on...


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

@Clockwork

The only thing you did was act like a real man. A real man does what is best for his realtionship and family and does not let anyone change his mind or path in life. Your friend should have showed more respect to you.

Your wife is a lucky woman to have a man who is dedicated to her and the marriage.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, here is the story. My friend is getting married and he had a bachelor party. I am a married man and while I will own the fact that I used to frequent strip clubs I don't anymore and haven't since I met my wife. We've been married 12 years. There was an all day thing and the last few hours of the night was going to be spent in a strip club. Even though I was in the wedding party I didn't feel right about doing this knowing full well what can and DOES happen at strip clubs especially during the always favoured bachelor party groups. So I mentioned it to the groom and a couple of the guys that I wouldn't feel right anymore about going to the strip club but I am with them for the rest of the stuff that happens. It wasn't received well, and I just didn't bring it up again.
> 
> Then the time came to go to the strip club. I had no problem dropping some of the guys off in my car there but I didn't want to go in and told the groom I wouldn't. He put up a fuss, was hostile to the idea and wanted me to come in for at least one drink. All of the sudden it seemed all I had been through with this guy and all the times I had his back didn't seem to matter anymore since I wasn't coming in. I'm married, I don't think it is right and not only that I am happily married, but didn't tell anyone else not to, I just did it myself and spoke for myself.
> 
> So what would you have done? Was I being anal? Was he? Should he have understood my position? I don't regret what I did, I have a spectacular girl and don't need that lifestyle anymore.



Nice job man. You made the right decision!!!!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> Prior to me going I brought it up with her. My wife and I trust each other and I swear to you not a single argument in our entire marriage about jealousy. So she said, yeah if that's what he is doing, you can go. I brought up that we have kids now, we are married, are active in our church and none of that would seem right. She agreed, and in all honesty wouldn't have wanted me to go, she is just very non-confrontational. The next day she asked if the guys went out to the club and I said "Yeah"............she responded with "So just you left?" I said "yeah". She definitely was glad to hear that.


This right here is all that matters. Folks can spend a month of Sundays providing good reasons for you to have gone in, etc. In reality, what do think about it? More so, what does your W think about you attending a strip club? Your W gave you her honest thoughts on strip clubs. It is a "no" for her dawg. You stuck to you boundaries. Your W now has a much different(better) understanding of her H and her marriage. In short, it is in a good place in her mind. Again, good for you for doing the right thing in your mind and definitely the right thing in your W mind.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

So I'll play devil's advocate since I do not think that you posted your question here simply with the intent to get several pages worth of congratulatory back slapping.

I agree that you did the right thing, but I do not think that there is necessarily only a single right thing that you could have done here. It all depends on what you were trying to achieve and what risks you were trying to mitigate. 

Were you concerned that you would do something stupid in a strip club? If you know yourself well enough to say "I do not trust myself 100% in this environment", then there is only one possible correct solution, and you took it. It's why I do not buy sweets for the house - my willpower in food is exercised at the point of purchase, not the point of consumption.

A trip to a strip club is a pretty standard (and tame, by some measures) activity for a bachelor party. If you were worried about how your wife would feel, as well you should have, then you could have called her up and asked her opinion. If she said "go with the flow, but don't disrespect our marriage", then you might have had more options. I would trust my wife in every possible way were she to go to a similar bachelorette party, which in fact she did some 30 years ago. 

If you are just morally opposed to being caught dead or alive in a strip club, then again you only have one choice. 

I think we can say that the answer to the question of "was I wrong" is a resounding "NO!", but the answer to "was I right" depends on what you wanted to achieve and why you chose the path you did to achieve it.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> Your wife gave you permission and was ok with you going even though you guys are active in your church? Why was she going to be ok with it?
> 
> What about the whole "whoever looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her already in his heart"? Pretty much lusting after naked women is all you do at a strip club.......and you pay them your and your families money to do it.
> 
> ...


Here is the thing with my wife. She is very non-confrontational. Almost to the point of, well, controversy. She doesn't speak up as much as she should. Of course, I know this, so I confront her about things and yes she would not have wanted me to go at all. No doubt things would pop into her mind about how happy I am with our sex life (very happy, we do it 3-4 times a week and I have no complaints) and we don't need that. 



BigDigg said:


> While I personally don't have any moral feelings either way on strip clubs, like you I pretty much stopped going once I settled down and had kids. I think you are fully in your right to drop out so long as you weren't the preacher on it and passing judgement on others (I don't think you were).
> 
> How old is your friend and is this his first marriage? I'm sure he was probably pretty drunk and guys love to playfully **** test each other. Also if he hasn't been married before and doesn't have kids it's probably fair to say he's on a different wavelength/maturity level. Nothing wrong with that and somewhat understandable. He'll probably feel/behave differently after a few years too.
> 
> l'd say it would be appropriate to just have a quick conversation with him next time you hang and let him know where your head was at. Take his pressure on this as a sign that he values you greatly as a friend and really wanted you around to be part of his experience. You certainly don't need to apologize for anything tho, and wouldn't push for that from him either (tho he'll probably offer it if he's a good guy). Water under bridge and move on...


2nd marriage for him, first ended in divorce and he is in his mid 30s. No kids. Hasn't really grown up as much as I wish he would have. His fiancé actually paid some money for him to get a lap dance, so that is WAY different than the type of arrangement and relationship my wife and I have. Never would she offer and never would I take it. I think the whole thing will blow over though, I've talked to him about it since. He still thinks I should have "come in for a beer". But he is missing the entire point and I don't know if it is worth explaining again.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Cletus said:


> So I'll play devil's advocate since I do not think that you posted your question here simply with the intent to get several pages worth of congratulatory back slapping.
> 
> I agree that you did the right thing, but I do not think that there is necessarily only a single right thing that you could have done here. It all depends on what you were trying to achieve and what risks you were trying to mitigate.
> 
> ...


No I am not looking for back-slapping or approval. Personally I think what I did was right and respectful and that isn't the thing I am questioning. For me, just going into a strip club in the situation I am in and the lifestyle I have isn't a good idea. Things can escalate. If you can be pressured to come in, you can be pressured into having a stripper grind up against you or pressured into paying for a lap dance. Like I said, not a strip club rookie here. I visited them many times. For me it just doesn't feel right to do that anymore. Even if my wife didn't care, I think it is a poor example of how to stay loyal in a marriage. 

What I was looking for was just how many people would do the same and how many would commend me for it (not for back slapping, but just for a head count). Because it seems there is a very casual attitude to going into a strip club if you are in a committed marriage. I just wanted to see how many people shrugged their shoulders at it and said "meh" or how many applauded it. Not that it would change my mind, just wondering because I was the only guy it seemed that night who thought this way.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Clockwork said:


> ...*So what would you have done?* Was I being anal? Was he? Should he have understood my position? I don't regret what I did, I have a spectacular girl and don't need that lifestyle anymore.





Clockwork said:


> *Prior to me going I brought it up with her.* My wife and I trust each other and I swear to you not a single argument in our entire marriage about jealousy. S*o she said, yeah if that's what he is doing, you can go.* I brought up that we have kids now, we are married, are active in our church and none of that would seem right. She agreed, and in all honesty *wouldn't have wanted me to go*, she is just very non-confrontational. The next day she asked if the guys went out to the club and I said "Yeah"............she responded with "So just you left?" I said "yeah". *She definitely was glad to hear that.*
> 
> ..... I don't need my wife wondering if I had a lap dance, I've got a great life now, I plan on keeping it that way. I've been through a lot with my friend, lots of good times, ....., I didn't tell anyone what to do, I only spoke for myself and I even dropped some of the guys off at the club saving them cab fare.





Clockwork said:


> .....*But why take the chance? We've got young children, a mix between sons and daughters, I am not 21 anymore.* I am not single or interested in the things that can transpire. You can see things on a computer or watching a movie and it is a guarantee you won't have sex with Scarlett Johanssen just because you saw her naked in a movie. A stripper flocking to a bachelor party group like a fat kid on a smartie, you might. *Throw in alcohol, throw in stuff like your buddies even chipping in for a lap dance for you and who knows.* Like I said before, I am no rookie when it comes to strip clubs. I've been there. I've seen a groom at his bachelor party get oral sex (not seen it but you know what I mean). *It happens. *I really don't think women know the things that can happen in there, but I can because I've lived it. The difference being is that I had no one to answer to, no relationship to threaten. Sounds simple you think huh? But I may as well have dropped a nuclear bomb.


First of all we all need to make our choices in life and then we live with the consequences. 

Your question, what would I have done? I would agree with Cletus and have probably gone in and behaved myself, especially if I had discussed it with my wife ahead of time and she didn't object. But to each their own. We are all human beings and have weaknesses and as we mature we learn where we are weak and subject to temptation. 

I to have been to a strip club or two in my younger days. Some were pretty clean (aka, no touching, just teasing, dancing/prancing, and extracting as much money from the customers as quickly as possible with no touching or rubbing) in other clubs the ladies offered just about everything for a price. I had dancers offer to do all kinds of things.....for a price. That was really not my thing, but I also kept it in my pants. They were sometimes fun to talk to and hear their made up stories of who they really were. Surprising how many were working their way through college (maybe they meant they were working there way though all the men that attended the local college.) The key is to know yourself and what temptations you may or may be able to resist. 

Let's put it this way you choose the best path for you. Not everyone would have chosen that path, but then not everyone would be tempted by what was inside either.

Good luck. I am sure you made your wife happy and that is far more important than the groom. In fact, I will wager that word will get back to his new wife on what happened (if anything) in the strip club and she may or may not be happy about that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

hinterdir said:


> Your wife gave you permission and was ok with you going even though you guys are active in your church? Why was she going to be ok with it?
> 
> What about the whole "whoever looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery with her already in his heart"? Pretty much lusting after naked women is all you do at a strip club.......and you pay them your and your families money to do it.
> 
> ...


Unless, of course, the churchgoing wife is a non-judgmental Christian wife?


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> First of all we all need to make our choices in life and then we live with the consequences.
> 
> Your question, what would I have done? I would agree with Cletus and have probably gone in and behaved myself, especially if I had discussed it with my wife ahead of time and she didn't object. But to each their own. We are all human beings and have weaknesses and as we mature we learn where we are weak and subject to temptation.
> 
> ...


I could go in too and behave. I would have no problems sitting there and not doing anything. It is the principle and just something I don't want to put myself in anymore. Why bother getting into the situation in the first place? I have to ask myself why I would honestly want to go in there and the only reason would be to impress the guys..............or actually get things done, or see things. Since I didn't want either of those I just figure it is not my scene and why have your wife worry about the things you MAY have done or not (in her eyes). 

As for the groom, his wife gave him money for a lap dance. Yeah I know, that's probably not something most fiancés would do. Some might think it makes her "cool". Not me though, I think it is a bad sign to do that to start a marriage. What does that say about each of you? But then again.............I said nothing about that, none of that is my business, I just looked out for myself and left it at that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> I could go in too and behave. I would have no problems sitting there and not doing anything. It is the principle and just something I don't want to put myself in anymore. Why bother getting into the situation in the first place? I have to ask myself why I would honestly want to go in there and the only reason would be to *impress the guys.*.............or actually get things done, or see things. Since I didn't want either of those I just figure it is not my scene and why have your wife worry about the things you MAY have done or not (in her eyes).
> 
> As for the groom, his wife gave him money for a lap dance. Yeah I know, that's probably not something most fiancés would do. Some might think it makes her "cool". Not me though, I think it is a bad sign to do that to start a marriage. What does that say about each of you? But then again.............I said nothing about that, none of that is my business, I just looked out for myself and left it at that.


On the one hand I always applaud people for standing up for their beliefs. 

But the other side it that it isn’t always about you. You are part of the grooms wedding party and this is something as a group they decided to do. This is about showing the groom a good time ( not your version of it his). Unless I missed it they weren’t asking you to throw 1$ at the girls or get lap dances just come in an hang out. Which is a perfectly acceptable thing to do in a club like that. You also seem very judgemental about the groom and his soon to be bride. All it says about her giving him money for a lap dance is she trusts and has no issues with it. Plenty of women are like that. My GF likes getting lap dances herself and what does that say about us, we just don’t have the same viewpoint as you.

This said you did what you did and didn’t particapte and guys being guys they probably will never think of it again. I think it’s all going to be fine. I know a few years back I was best man in a wedding ceremony in a Catholic Church. Since my divorce I have a HUGE issue with organize religion but I didn’t say a word and did all that was ask of me which was plenty. It wasn’t about me it was about my buddy and I was happy to be there for him. Just another side to this. In the end you did what you felt was the right thing and guess that’s all anyone can do


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I think in these situations you have to do what your comfortable with. I have never been a big strip club guy, but I would have gone with the guys if my friend wanted me there, but my wife would have no problem with it, the only two times I've been to a strip club since I got married was with her. But knowing your wife would be uncomfortable with it even though she told you it was ok shows you know your wife well and also says why you are so happily married.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

,


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I went to a BP years ago with my Bro-in-law. We ended up across the line in Mexico at a local nekkid mujeres show! And yes, it was THOSE types of shows. lol
Anyway, I ended up staying at the bar sucking suds. But alot of the guys all went "privado" and obviously got the yank and poke done. Just couldn't believe it. I took my vows seriously and a show is a show. No need for all the other crap. But anyways, Months later....My wife decides to have a BP for her friends sister...AT MY HOUSE! I stayed at my BIL's house and took care of my young son. The girls were buck wild! They had guy strippers there. And my couch was moved into my garage...The rest you say was history. My wife ended up at her moms place so as to not be with the "guys". But alot of her married friends stayed at my house and obviously you can deduce the rest of the story. I ended up having to throw the couch out. NASTY! And my expensive floor stand speakers were trashed. It took my wife and 3 others about 2 days worth of work to get the house back to normal. 

We ended up having a loooong discussion about BP parties after that! No more and no how. 

BTW...The blushing bride was filmed with the stripper getting it hard and often. The soon to be husband didn't really care as he had videos of himself with a "party favor" as well. People....


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Clockwork said:


> just wondering because I was the only guy it seemed that night who thought this way.


FWIW, I would have done the same thing you did. Back in the 1980's, when I was 18, I was able to frequent a strip club. For the first six months, I thought it was heaven on earth. Then I got a girlfriend and didn't go again until several years later because a lady I was dating wanted to go occasionally. She, by the way, is a medical doctor and enjoyed the atmosphere and looking at women. After that, I never had a reason or desire to go back. I would not be thrilled with my wife going to a male stripper place, so I should have the same policy for myself in the event that a group of guys pushed me to go.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> BTW...The blushing bride was filmed with the stripper getting it hard and often. The soon to be husband didn't really care as he had videos of himself with a "party favor" as well. People....


Yea, that's quite a wedding tradition. Somehow I missed all that when I got married...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Steve1000 said:


> Yea, that's quite a wedding tradition. Somehow I missed all that when I got married...


Last fling before the ring


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> On the one hand I always applaud people for standing up for their beliefs.
> 
> But the other side it that it isn’t always about you. You are part of the grooms wedding party and this is something as a group they decided to do. This is about showing the groom a good time ( not your version of it his).


Well then, if all in the group then decided all should join in on a lap dance then all should. After all, it is for the groom enjoyment of the night. How selfish to decline a lap dance for morals sake. Total BS to give up what one feels is correct(morally). Groom or otherwise.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"
BTW...The blushing bride was filmed with the stripper getting it hard and often. The soon to be husband didn't really care as he had videos of himself with a "party favor" as well. People....
"

Ok thats just ****ed up. I guess infidelity really doesn't matter to most folks anymore. Seriously why get married if that's what you are going to do...


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

All good points...And as for the "last fling". In my case, the friends sister works at the pediatricians office that my son went to for a few years. Talk about awkward. She would be nice and say "nice to see you again.." I would be like, yeah, you DNA is all over my garage thank you. hahahaha.


*Throwing up a little


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Last fling before the ring


If that were the case there would not be any infidelity sites.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> All good points...And as for the "last fling". In my case, the friends sister works at the pediatricians office that my son went to for a few years. Talk about awkward. She would be nice and say "nice to see you again.." I would be like, yeah, you DNA is all over my garage thank you. hahahaha.
> 
> 
> *Throwing up a little


So that is not really a oil spot where the car is parked.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Well then, if all in the group then decided all should join in on a lap dance then all should. After all, it is for the groom enjoyment of the night. How selfish to decline a lap dance for morals sake. Total BS to give up what one feels is correct(morally). Groom or otherwise.


Yeah nice twisting of what I said 

I never said he should get a lap dance and if you read what I actually wrote I said he shouldn’t do something he is uncomfortable with. But he also possibly could have discussed this when he was first asked to be part of the wedding party instead of the night of. Sounds like he is pretty judgemental of his friend and his wife anyway so maybe better he just bows out of being in the wedding party all together.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Wolf1974 said:


> On the one hand I always applaud people for standing up for their beliefs.
> 
> But the other side it that it isn’t always about you. You are part of the grooms wedding party and this is something as a group they decided to do. This is about showing the groom a good time ( not your version of it his). Unless I missed it they weren’t asking you to throw 1$ at the girls or get lap dances just come in an hang out. Which is a perfectly acceptable thing to do in a club like that. You also seem very judgemental about the groom and his soon to be bride. All it says about her giving him money for a lap dance is she trusts and has no issues with it. Plenty of women are like that. My GF likes getting lap dances herself and what does that say about us, we just don’t have the same viewpoint as you.
> 
> This said you did what you did and didn’t particapte and guys being guys they probably will never think of it again. I think it’s all going to be fine. I know a few years back I was best man in a wedding ceremony in a Catholic Church. Since my divorce I have a HUGE issue with organize religion but I didn’t say a word and did all that was ask of me which was plenty. It wasn’t about me it was about my buddy and I was happy to be there for him. Just another side to this. In the end you did what you felt was the right thing and guess that’s all anyone can do


I think that is a bit of a different kettle of fish isn't it? You weren't thrilled your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church. But did he ask you to participate in something that went against your values? I've stood up for a friend who got married in the Catholic Church and I did just that, stood up for him. The ceremony was 45 minutes. If you agreed to be his children's god parent at its baptism then that is something I can see that might make you uncomfortable. 

As for me, I didn't want to do something that I wasn't comfortable with. I've had a wedding, a bachelor party too. Never did I ask my groomsmen to do something that went against their beliefs. My one groomsman isn't a drinker and he didn't feel he'd fit in at the bachelor party going out to a bar and then a hotel. My other groomsman probably thought the party was too TAME for him (no strippers) so he didn't come either. No big deal, I had a lot of guys that came. All I asked was that they were there for the wedding and thereafter. 



BarbedFenceRider said:


> I went to a BP years ago with my Bro-in-law. We ended up across the line in Mexico at a local nekkid mujeres show! And yes, it was THOSE types of shows. lol
> Anyway, I ended up staying at the bar sucking suds. But alot of the guys all went "privado" and obviously got the yank and poke done. Just couldn't believe it. I took my vows seriously and a show is a show. No need for all the other crap. But anyways, Months later....My wife decides to have a BP for her friends sister...AT MY HOUSE! I stayed at my BIL's house and took care of my young son. The girls were buck wild! They had guy strippers there. And my couch was moved into my garage...The rest you say was history. My wife ended up at her moms place so as to not be with the "guys". But alot of her married friends stayed at my house and obviously you can deduce the rest of the story. I ended up having to throw the couch out. NASTY! And my expensive floor stand speakers were trashed. It took my wife and 3 others about 2 days worth of work to get the house back to normal.
> 
> We ended up having a loooong discussion about BP parties after that! No more and no how.
> ...


Yeah, crazy story with your wife and that bachelorette. That's sort of the thing I am getting at here. I've been to a bachelor party where a guy full blown oral sex. Depending on what club you go to you can get a lot of favouritism if you are a bachelor party and you rent a room out. I wasn't born yesterday, I know the things that have happened, I know the things that do happen, and I know the things that CAN happen. Why risk it? Why risk being too drunk and passing out? Your buddies can take a picture of you next to a stripper and then who knows how that plays out. By the way, the groom who got oral sex I was talking about...............they lasted 6 years. I've been to the most dullest and lamest bachelor parties and 10-15 years later these guys are all still with their wives. They've moved past that whole "wild oats" thing. We've met the right one and even as a fiancé don't feel altogether right about engaging in things like that. I am just not sure why anyone cared that I didn't join in. I wasn't standing outside on a soap box demanding they follow me. Heck, I DROVE them there and then told them to have fun.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> "
> BTW...The blushing bride was filmed with the stripper getting it hard and often. The soon to be husband didn't really care as he had videos of himself with a "party favor" as well. People....
> "
> 
> Ok thats just ****ed up. I guess infidelity really doesn't matter to most folks anymore. Seriously why get married if that's what you are going to do...


Thought it was a little strange myself. I've seen that play out all too often. Two married people have a bit of "fun" at certain times and it is seemingly innocent. It never is, because one of them ALWAYS has more of a problem with it than the other. Or I have seen friends try to "one-up" the other one all in the name of "fun" too. It always backfires from what I have seen. Intentionally trying to make one another jealous doesn't have staying power. There are so many kinky things you can do with one another to spice things up.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Wolf1974 said:


> Yeah nice twisting of what I said
> 
> I never said he should get a lap dance and if you read what I actually wrote I said he shouldn’t do something he is uncomfortable with. But he also possibly could have discussed this when he was first asked to be part of the wedding party instead of the night of. Sounds like he is pretty judgemental of his friend and his wife anyway so maybe better he just bows out of being in the wedding party all together.


You'll see from the OP that I did discuss it with him several weeks beforehand. It didn't go well. I gently told him that I am all for whatever we do but once the strip club came I'd hit the road as it just wasn't my scene. Strangely, he couldn't understand this even a smidgen, but I thought, "what the heck, I told him, he knows". I've been there for my friend since day one. I've defended him many a time and had some of the best times of my life with him. I wouldn't back out of the wedding party based on not being part of something at the end of a long day. If my friendship is only as good as going out with him to a strip club, then is it even a true friendship?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> I think that is a bit of a different kettle of fish isn't it? You weren't thrilled your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church. *But did he ask you to participate in something that went against your values*? I've stood up for a friend who got married in the Catholic Church and I did just that, stood up for him. The ceremony was 45 minutes. If you agreed to be his children's god parent at its baptism then that is something I can see that might make you uncomfortable.
> 
> As for me, I didn't want to do something that I wasn't comfortable with. I've had a wedding, a bachelor party too. Never did I ask my groomsmen to do something that went against their beliefs. My one groomsman isn't a drinker and he didn't feel he'd fit in at the bachelor party going out to a bar and then a hotel. My other groomsman probably thought the party was too TAME for him (no strippers) so he didn't come either. No big deal, I had a lot of guys that came. All I asked was that they were there for the wedding and thereafter.
> 
> ...


Yes several things but it wasn’t about me I knew up front what was being asked of me and made a choice that supporting him was more important than what I felt about certain things such as prayer meetings and so on. I made a decision and I don’t regret it. Had I felt I couldn’t do it I would have told him up front not wait till day of.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> You'll see from the OP that I did discuss it with him several weeks beforehand. It didn't go well. I gently told him that I am all for whatever we do but once the strip club came I'd hit the road as it just wasn't my scene. Strangely, he couldn't understand this even a smidgen, but I thought, "what the heck, I told him, he knows". I've been there for my friend since day one. I've defended him many a time and had some of the best times of my life with him. I wouldn't back out of the wedding party based on not being part of something at the end of a long day. If my friendship is only as good as going out with him to a strip club, then is it even a *true friendship*?


Only you and him can decide that. Several weeks beforehand but how long prior to that did he ask you to be part of the wedding. I mean maybe it was a short turnaround I don’t know. At the end of the day I think we surround ourselves by like minded people. Not only did you not attend part of the bachelor party , which is your right, but you also have some pretty hard beliefs about it and your opinion on him and his finance/wife. That part would concern me much more than your not participating personally. I was only trying to give you that perspective. Were it me I would have been fine with you not coming to the bachelor party but had I know what you thought of me or my soon to be wife I would have dropped you from the wedding altogether.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Your status from your wife grew a lot.

That's for sure


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Mr Strange here, on the wife's account. 

I want to start by saying good for you, stick to your guns.

Secondly, Wolf dude, get off your high horse about him judging his friends. He didn't, and he stated that in the first post. He even told the guy it wasn't a judgement call, just a difference of opinion. 

Third, this is a problem of culture. We have decided, as a culture, that Weddings should cost more than your house, since its your only opportunity to celebrate one of the most important moments of your life. We have gotten to the point where people even have a name for people who lose their cool. Bridezilla and Groomzilla. The amount of pressure to have a "perfect day" is crippling. I can certainly imagine this guy being unreasonably upset. In his eyes you not going was a huge betrayal. That being said, it doesn't make him right. When you stop taking your friends and their personalities into account, you are no longer acting like a friend. You are acting like a monster. Hence the term, Groomzilla. 

I want to know why. I want to know what is so significant about that moment. It's the beginning of the next step in your life, and I agree with that, but no one throws a 300 person banquet in a super expensive ballroom when they get their masters degree, which honestly is at least as important because it can define the life you might have with your partner. Weddings are an industry, just like Valentine's Day, and advertisers have brainwashed a lot of people into this thought that if they don't spend enough money, the love isn't real. It's crap. I mean, maybe this mentality is why this guy is on his second marriage?

Listen. Me and my Wife had 4 ceremonies total. One in the woods with just the two of us and one friend to officiate our vows. It was nice. One at a local spot to appease my whitebread family. 150 or so guests. It was... eh. At best. Too much pressure. Then we had a huge 3 day woodland romp with over 200 people, full of Czech tradition (her family), and D&D, and other gaming. It was pretty nifty, but it didn't particularly feel weddingish. It just felt like an an awesome party, but I didn't feel any connection to her at the end. 

The only ceremony that either of us really count as being for "us", being "our wedding" is the one when we actually legalized it. the two of us went down to the courthouse, clad in jeans and star wars t shirts, signed papers, and then watched Godzilla in the theatre behind the courthouse. It felt like an intimate, amazing date, an experience that I will always remember. You know why? I never felt pressure to have it all "go right".

Pressure is the problem. Your friend was definitely feeling it, and he let it affect his judgement. He still is. Maybe you need to approach the subject from the perspective of why he felt so pressured to have you there? Why it would ruin everything if you weren't? Was it worth you morally debasing yourself for his whim at a party? 

When I was younger, I was told I "had to" go to a strip club for this one guys birthday. He was a bit older, and I kinda looked up to him, but it really made me uncomfortable. I told them at first I wouldn't go. They pressured me and I gave in. I told them fine, but I wouldn't be doing anything but looking. Well apparently that attitude made me a target. When we got there, the other guys took turns sending girls my way, and it culminated in one of them paying for a lap dance for me. I was too polite to turn her down, and the transaction was done before I knew it was happening, so I felt like I was stuck getting molested by a stranger. It was easily the most uncomfortable I have ever been.

If this kinda crap happened at a birthday party because I was seen as a wet blanket, imagine what this Groomzilla of a friend might have done with you. You made the right choice, it's up to him to realize it. It may just be that you guys should drift apart, its clear you are at different stages of your life, and that may not be something he can reconcile. I have lost more than few friends due to my being one of the first to get married. We grew up, settled down, and many of our friends couldn't handle it. That's not my fault, and this isn't yours. We have bigger fish to fry than an ungrateful friend. 

My last point, I swear I am almost done. I pride myself on the fact that I married my best friend, and it sounds like you did too. Good for you, keep her close, and keep her first on your priorities list. You did damn right. Don't ever question it.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Wolf1974 said:


> Yes several things but it wasn’t about me I knew up front what was being asked of me and made a choice that supporting him was more important than what I felt about certain things such as prayer meetings and so on. I made a decision and I don’t regret it. Had I felt I couldn’t do it I would have told him up front not wait till day of.


Right...............but did doing this go against your morals or principles? Was it something that may have put a wedge in between your marriage? I think there is a big difference here. Also, I'll add again, I did not just spring this on him the day of, he knew several weeks prior. I've also been his friend for a very, very long time. Not once has he asked or have I even asked to attend a strip club with him since I've been married. This was not a surprise. 



Wolf1974 said:


> Only you and him can decide that. Several weeks beforehand but how long prior to that did he ask you to be part of the wedding. I mean maybe it was a short turnaround I don’t know. At the end of the day I think we surround ourselves by like minded people. Not only did you not attend part of the bachelor party , which is your right, but you also have some pretty hard beliefs about it and your opinion on him and his finance/wife. That part would concern me much more than your not participating personally. I was only trying to give you that perspective. Were it me I would have been fine with you not coming to the bachelor party but had I know what you thought of me or my soon to be wife I would have dropped you from the wedding altogether.


My opinion is that we have a difference of opinion on one issue. No, my wife and I don't have the same relationship that he does. I don't get the modern world, but I am not one of these types of people that befriends someone because they think differently than me. In this social media dominated world we live in I guess friendships have sort of become superficial but for me there was never the thought of dropping him as a friend over a strip club and his views on it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Clockwork said:


> Right...............but did doing this go against your morals or principles? Was it something that may have put a wedge in between your marriage? I think there is a big difference here. Also, I'll add again, I did not just spring this on him the day of, he knew several weeks prior. I've also been his friend for a very, very long time. Not once has he asked or have I even asked to attend a strip club with him since I've been married. This was not a surprise.
> 
> 
> 
> My opinion is that we have a difference of opinion on one issue. No, my wife and I don't have the same relationship that he does. I don't get the modern world, but I am not one of these types of people that befriends someone because they think differently than me. In this social media dominated world we live in I guess friendships have sort of become superficial but for me there was never the thought of dropping him as a friend over a strip club and his views on it.


Buddy you are the only person who gets to decide what you feel is right for you.I applaud your decision not to go to the strip club.
Is there anything more pitiful than watching a bunch of men putting dollar bills in some girls underwear all the time thinking to themselves “I’m the man”.
In any other situation these girls wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire,but for a few brief minutes in their sad lives they have a hot girl smiling at them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, here is the story. My friend is getting married and he had a bachelor party. I am a married man and while I will own the fact that I used to frequent strip clubs I don't anymore and haven't since I met my wife. We've been married 12 years. There was an all day thing and the last few hours of the night was going to be spent in a strip club. Even though I was in the wedding party I didn't feel right about doing this knowing full well what can and DOES happen at strip clubs especially during the always favoured bachelor party groups. So I mentioned it to the groom and a couple of the guys that I wouldn't feel right anymore about going to the strip club but I am with them for the rest of the stuff that happens. It wasn't received well, and I just didn't bring it up again.
> 
> Then the time came to go to the strip club. I had no problem dropping some of the guys off in my car there but I didn't want to go in and told the groom I wouldn't. He put up a fuss, was hostile to the idea and wanted me to come in for at least one drink. All of the sudden it seemed all I had been through with this guy and all the times I had his back didn't seem to matter anymore since I wasn't coming in. I'm married, I don't think it is right and not only that I am happily married, but didn't tell anyone else not to, I just did it myself and spoke for myself.
> 
> So what would you have done? Was I being anal? Was he? Should he have understood my position? I don't regret what I did, I have a spectacular girl and don't need that lifestyle anymore.


Wouldn't have been an issue. My friends know how I feel about prostitution and strippers aren't selling life insurance.

I probably wouldn't even go to the wedding of a guy that thinks it's cool to commit to a woman and get "whatever" sexual stimulation or activity without his intended before the ceremony.

I might have more respect for cockroaches actually.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> BTW...The blushing bride was filmed with the stripper getting it hard and often. The soon to be husband didn't really care as he had videos of himself with a "party favor" as well. People....


Ummm..... Yuk..
..


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Buddy you are the only person who gets to decide what you feel is right for you.I applaud your decision not to go to the strip club.
> Is there anything more pitiful than watching a bunch of men putting dollar bills in some girls underwear all the time thinking to themselves “I’m the man”.
> *In any other situation these girls wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire*,but for a few brief minutes in their sad lives they have a hot girl smiling at them.


Well there you go..............that's honest haha


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Wouldn't have been an issue. My friends know how I feel about prostitution and strippers aren't selling life insurance.
> 
> I probably wouldn't even go to the wedding of a guy that thinks it's cool to commit to a woman and get "whatever" sexual stimulation or activity without his intended before the ceremony.
> 
> I might have more respect for cockroaches actually.


Alright fair enough. No, I wouldn't jeopardize our friendship on this, but this is one of those situations that the older I get the more I realize how different our lives are.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Clockwork said:


> Alright fair enough. No, I wouldn't jeopardize our friendship on this, but this is one of those situations that the older I get the more I realize how different our lives are.


Part of my point was that there is no doubt in anyone's mind where I stand and the situation you found yourself in wouldn't have come up with me.

You could probably take a more "no nonsense" stance where it concerns your values.

I have friends that have marriages where both spouses get entertained by strippers occasionally.

They would never dream of asking me to go, much less try and pressure me.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Clockwork said:


> Right...............but did doing this go against your *morals or principles?* Was it something that may have put a wedge in between your marriage? I think there is a big difference here. Also, I'll add again, I did not just spring this on him the day of, he knew several weeks prior. I've also been his friend for a very, very long time. Not once has he asked or have I even asked to attend a strip club with him since I've been married. This was not a surprise.
> 
> 
> 
> My opinion is that we have a difference of opinion on one issue. No, my wife and I don't have the same relationship that he does. I don't get the modern world, but I am not one of these types of people that befriends someone because they think differently than me. In this social media dominated world we live in I guess friendships have sort of become superficial but for me there was never the thought of dropping him as a friend over a strip club and his views on it.


yes I already answered this. It went against both. I am not married but I don’t envelope my morales and principles around someone I am with. Those are my own. So had I been married that wouldn’t have been a consideration.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Part of my point was that there is no doubt in anyone's mind where I stand and the situation you found yourself in wouldn't have come up with me.
> 
> You could probably take a more "no nonsense" stance where it concerns your values.
> 
> ...


When I was living in NY the bars and clubs I frequented were Mecca for bachelorette parties.I often scored with these girls but I always drew the line at a ring,if a girl had a wedding or engagement ring I stayed away.I have seen so many brides to be having a ons with some stranger because she was drunk out of her mind that when I got engaged myself me and my Fiancée made an agreement that we wouldn’t be having any parties.
I was in a bar in Vegas one night and there was a bachelor and a bachelorette party and they all joined together,they were from opposite ends of the country.When I was leaving the bride to be was giving oral to the groom to be in the parking lot while some of their friends videoed them on their phones.
Just the thing to show after the ceremony.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> When I was living in NY the bars and clubs I frequented were Mecca for bachelorette parties.I often scored with these girls but I always drew the line at a ring,if a girl had a wedding or engagement ring I stayed away.I have seen so many brides to be having a ons with some stranger because she was drunk out of her mind that when I got engaged myself me and my Fiancée made an agreement that we wouldn’t be having any parties.
> I was in a bar in Vegas one night and there was a bachelor and a bachelorette party and they all joined together,they were from opposite ends of the country.When I was leaving the bride to be was giving oral to the groom to be in the parking lot while some of their friends videoed them on their phones.
> Just the thing to show after the ceremony.


Unfortunately, these lizards are reproducing.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Unfortunately, these lizards are reproducing.


It’s the reproduction part that catches a lot of these people out.
With some couples,particularly those in their thirties the plan is to stop using the pill as contraception a month or so before the wedding.The couple have no problem with being pregnant immediately after the wedding.Unfortunately while in a drunken state of lust the last thing that occurs to a lot of people is contraception.
A woman who hung around with my friends and I about ten years ago slept with a stripper on her bachelorette and the groom to be’s sister caught her and told him immediately.He called off the wedding but didn’t completely break up with her,they talked and arranged to go to counseling.Things took a turn for the worse when she was tested for std’s and she found out she was pregnant,a few months later the secondary test showed she was hiv positive and when the baby was born a dna test showed it wasn’t her boyfriends.
All this heartache because of a drunken mistake.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> It’s the reproduction part that catches a lot of these people out.
> With some couples,particularly those in their thirties the plan is to stop using the pill as contraception a month or so before the wedding.The couple have no problem with being pregnant immediately after the wedding.Unfortunately while in a drunken state of lust the last thing that occurs to a lot of people is contraception.
> A woman who hung around with my friends and I about ten years ago slept with a stripper on her bachelorette and the groom to be’s sister caught her and told him immediately.He called off the wedding but didn’t completely break up with her,they talked and arranged to go to counseling.Things took a turn for the worse when she was tested for std’s and she found out she was pregnant,a few months later the secondary test showed she was hiv positive and when the baby was born a dna test showed it wasn’t her boyfriends.
> All this heartache because of a drunken mistake.


Definitely a worse case scenario but it was because she was a loose, cheating s***, not a mistake.

Sad though.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Definitely a worse case scenario but it was because she was a loose, cheating s***, not a mistake.
> 
> Sad though.


It was sad all right.He was one of these guys who had no luck with girls in school but then earned a huge salary in the software business.She was way out of his league looks wise but of course he had the Manhattan apt,the Lamborghini,could drop a grand on a night out without even thinking about it so she knew a good thing when she saw it.
She never gave the impression that she was loose though and I really think it was a drunken mistake that she would never make again.Either way she left NY and I never heard anything about her again.I do know that the ex boyfriend gave her a ton of cash as a sort of goodbye present.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Part of my point was that there is no doubt in anyone's mind where I stand and the situation you found yourself in wouldn't have come up with me.
> 
> You could probably take a more "no nonsense" stance where it concerns your values.
> 
> ...


My friend knew, but he still thought he could pressure me into doing it. That's the annoying part, I'm not a high school kid anymore. It wasn't a big deal to him but it is to me. I can overlook things like that, but don't act like I'm not someone who hasn't had your back the last 20 years because of a freakin' strip club! I do take a "no-nonsense" approach to these things but I can't force or expect everyone else to do it, even long time friends.


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