# The Divorce Process & Pain drags on.....



## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

Just venting here:

I'm awaiting the final hearing and things seem to just drag slowly by. It's been so lonely, at times, over this 20 months and I crave female companionship and love. However, I don't want to begin seriously dating or getting into another relationship, until after the divorce is final. 

My W & I met with our atty 2 weeks ago, together at her attys office to finalize the settlement. We didn't even need a mediator, because most of it had been finalized, with the exception of a few details. Our attys commented to each other, how calm/boring we were, because we didn't argue or display any animosity to one another. We actually got along great sitting across from one another. The reasons we didn't fight was because we have been apart for 20 months and have argued about the issues, till we're both tired of talking about them...It is what it is and we're ready to move on and get the divorce over with. Too many unresolved issues have destroyed our marriage, but we get along fine, as long as we don't discuss them. Many counseling sessions certainly haven't helped either.

We have said we have forgiven each other, but as someone said; it takes one person to forgive, but two people to reconcile. She doesn't have the heart and/or interest to reconcile...and i don't think I do either, even though i still care for her deeply and love her, as a friend.

It is still painful going through all this, even though we had a bad marriage, for most of the 22 years we were together. 
I would rather remain single the rest of my life, then be in another bad relationship and/or experience another divorce.


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Thanks for venting in such a genuine way. I'm glad for you that the meeting with the attorneys went so well. Does that make it easier for you to finalize it all and put it behind you? 

You'll find a loving female companion soon, don't rush into it until you're ready. Like you said, divorce isn't something you want to go through again. That's one thing about second marriages - often you can go in with your eyes open and learn from past mistakes.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I hope the final hearing comes quick for you. The burden will be lifted at that point. I know the day was almost surreal for my, about a week ago, now each day is getting better.

It's been a long haul. You've paid your dues...never discount a future relationship. You may be single for the rest of your life...me too. However, go out for fun and meet new people. Date for fun. I hope I find another love in my life. I've never been single as an adult...25 years married. 

I wish you the best...


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

Alexandra, thanks for the comments and yes, putting the divorce behind me will make it better, because I'll finally have some closure with the ability to move on...and get into a relationship. However, at the same time, I realize, even though I'm over my W for the most part, I want to ensure I'm ready, because I dont want to get into a rebound relationship. 

I've also had plenty of time to think and determine changes I need to make, that harmed this last marriage, so i don't carry the baggage into the next relationship and repeat the cycle.


Corpuswife, thank you, for the kind comments and support. You and I have posted many times on here, over the last several months or years, for the benefit of ourselves and others. It's been a long road for the both of us and you understand the pain (coming from a long term marriage), that I'm going through... 

I wish you the best as well, as we begin a new chapter (Or should I say book), in our lives. I'm going to take things slow and hope and pray to find the right partner, in the future. 

Take Care


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I also hope this gets behind you soon. Then you can focus on your future. That's great you and your wife can have a "friendly" divorce though. At this point I would give anything for that! I now live with so much drama my friends and family are in disbelief. My lawyer is now scratching his head. He says he has never seen such a mess. So, count your blessings!

I recently read a book by Andy Andrews titled "The Noticer". It was so positive! Always remember life is about perspective and the best is yet to come. When I have bad days and have the emotions you were describing, I just remember the book. And as one friend told me, "Life is like a puzzle and the pieces will just fall into place when the time is right." Hang in there!


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

827Aug, I feel for you. Unfortunately, it seems most divorces go through a lot of pain and drama and are dragged out much longer than ours...especially when there's a profitable business involved.

Honestly, my W could have pushed things more (as far as the settlement goes) and there could have been a lot more drama and expense. However, she wants closure as much as I do and she had hired a good atty that was easy to work with.

I also gave her most of what she asked for. I wanted her to have a stable future, as well as me...and not have to go back to work for a long time (since she's finishing up homeschooling our teenage kids and hasnt worked in about 10 yrs), unless she wants too.


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