# Sick of parties



## andyannu (Jul 5, 2021)

Our family, me , my wife and 3 kids are part of a eight families group. Since covid started, our interaction with anyone outside this group has decreased. this has meant sometime 2-3 parties with the same group every week

Last week Thursday Mrs.A's family was invited at my home for my kids birthday dinner. Two days later we met the entire group at one man's 49th birthday. It was only a couples party so my 10 year kids were forced to party on their own
( in a different home in same neighborhood) till 3 am when adults party ended

Three days on Tuesday later my wife hosted another birthday party for my twins at a water park where only kids were invited. Mrs. A also attended

Two days later one more kid had a birthday party so all parents ( including Mrs.A) were invited for dinner afterwards on a weekday. I refused to go for two reasons
1. I feel I do not love these people to meet them twice in a week
2. We are asians and in our culture parents live with us. Both my mother and my wife's mother live with us. The hosts for all these parties are asians and understand this culture. In spite of that , this is the fourth time in 2-3 months this group has had "only couples" parties which means our mother are naturally dis-invited

All our wives also feel these "only couples" parties are not enough and schedule only Ladies night outs regularly. The men also meet once a month for only men's parties, beyond the family gatherings. For one year, I also participated in "only men's parties" finally telling them I think the activity does not leave me time for my kids and I will henceforth only attend family parties

I fail to understand , why my wife needs to meet these women 2-3 times every week. 
I fail to understand, why all these couples think , letting their kids up till 3 am is correct.
How can I wean my wife from "normalizing" such destructive partying habits into my 10 year old twins, without this leading to a conversation about divorce


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Did you post about this recently?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You were here recently telling the same story.
Like you were told already, your wife doesn’t give a damn about you or your opinions. She wants to party with her friends and you can do whatever you want, she doesn’t care.
Either act or don’t but stop wringing your hands expecting things to change on their own.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

IT looks like you and your wife are not Communicating , 
you have talked in the past about Financial problems / debt
long working week / weekend working for her 

I POSTED THIS TO ANOTHER topic 
how many for these can you say fit your relationship 


Conflict, arguing, irretrievable breakdown in the relationship
Lack of commitment
Infidelity / extramarital affairs
Distance in the relationship / lack of physical intimacy
Communication problems between partners
Domestic violence, verbal, physical, or emotional abuse by a partner
Realization that one’s spouse has different values / morals
Substance abuse / alcohol addiction
Absence of romantic intimacy / love
One partner not carrying their weight in the marriage
Financial problems / debt
Marrying too young
Lack of shared interests / incompatibility between partners


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

You can’t wean another person from anything they don’t want to be weaned from.
You also can’t have your cake and eat it too:
You don’t like the status quo (understandably), yet you want it to change without any conflict and without you having to create boundaries and stick to them (aka provide consequences when your boundaries are crossed).

This is why your wife walks all over you. She knows there are no real consequences. She knows you won’t leave her or cut off your finances.
You don’t have to mention divorce, but you can always mention separation, to include separate finances.
She is using you dude. Grow a pair.


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