# If you're not sure you're getting the entire truth...



## duckman (Sep 15, 2009)

What about asking the 'offending' party to submit to a polygraph test? Anybody had experience with these? What do you guys think? Long story short, wife of 14 yrs communicated via cell phone and probably work phone with a guy that we had already argued about. She talked to him on the cell phone approx. 4-6 times a month for approx a year.. We're still together but my gut still burns from time to time that I still don't know the entire truth.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Duck,

Do you want the entire truth, think about it before answering.

Mine got into such details, as taking her hand to lead her to the bed.


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## duckman (Sep 15, 2009)

my thing is, how to you build on something that could very well be a lie. I have always gotten, the we're just friends line. Gotta say, it doesn't add up. I don't think that she's being completely honest with me. And yes, I do want the entire truth. What will happen at that point, i can't say, but all you guys know what i'm talking about. That gut feeling that says that there's more to than what is being said. Just don't know how to get it out of her and I don't want to keep pounding her with question after question.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Tell her that you scheduled a polygraph. Because you want to get past this. Its simple. If she refuses, she had sex with him. At that point, it would be over for me.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Ed,

Thats the beginning, then its the other questions.

Trust me.


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## hoping (Sep 28, 2009)

asking for a polygraph might just offend her even if she is innocent and drive a wedge between you that could do exactly waht you fear. i would try counseling first. a lot can come out in counseling, and if you choose to move past what ever comes up then guess what, you'll be sitting right there with some one who can help 

i would be carefull though. my wife actually told me details that i REALLY didn't want or need to know...........


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## lorithehun (Sep 22, 2009)

CMC125 said:


> Duck,
> 
> Do you want the entire truth, think about it before answering.
> 
> Mine got into such details, as taking her hand to lead her to the bed.


There's a difference between wanting to know the important things and wanting to know the details of the important things..
It's pretty damn important to know if there was sexual contact...
the details of the sexual contact are best left unknown, I think.


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## duckman (Sep 15, 2009)

All I'm getting is we were just friends. I don't really care about "details". I just want to know if it was more than friends and if it got physical. If it did, I could give a rats @#$ about specifics. It would help me move on. Only thing is, what if she is telling the truth? Gut says more to it...Sometimes it just drives me crazy...


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

How is the rest of the relationship? If she claims nothing happened and you guys are getting along OK, why not try to believe her as best you can? What is important is what she is doing today more than anything.


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## duckman (Sep 15, 2009)

Pretty good now. Still got hate in my heart that won't go away. Some days are better than others. Should I decide to go the extra mile, what are some ways to catch her...gps etc??????


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Step 1: No conversations with this guy unless you are in the room to hear her end. My wife talks to her girlfriends in front of me all the time (picture fingernails on a chalkboard). Her guy friend should be no different.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

I doubt most cheaters tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Almost every revelation I got from my husband was after I had already discovered the information on my own or from a good friend of mine who is a private investigator. My husband states "it was going to be just one more nail in my coffin."


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

CMC, Im my case, I had to know absulately everything, down to the last detail. Believe me, my imagine could have done far worse than it was and it was still terrible. Anyway, I could never have gotten past the wondering, I could never have let it go without knowing it all. Yes it was painful but I was able to get over it.

Duckman, if you are like me you need to get it all. Otherwise you will still be wondering 10 years from now. No matter how dirty/intimate it got, I needed to have her spill the beans. Today, I don't ever spend any time reflecting back on what might have happened. I know it all and learned how to deal with what was and let it go. I guess we are all different but for me, I can tell you I would have never been able to heal the marriage without all the facts.


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