# Can "The pill" affect you emotionally?



## southbound

My wife of 18 years has recently asked for a divorce because she says she is not happy anymore. She has symptoms of depression as well. This is very uncharacteristic of her and it has floored a lot of people. I have talked with a few women and once they learn she is on birth control pills, they say that could be the problem with her current emotional situation. They all have personal stories to share where they messed with their way of thinking. After they got off the pill, they slowly became their old self again. My wife called her doctor and she told her it was not the pill making her depressed but probably stress. this just fueled her belief even more that I am the cause of her depression. What do you ladies think? Can birth control pills mess with your emotions?


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## Trenton

southbound said:


> My wife of 18 years has recently asked for a divorce because she says she is not happy anymore. She has symptoms of depression as well. This is very uncharacteristic of her and it has floored a lot of people. I have talked with a few women and once they learn she is on birth control pills, they say that could be the problem with her current emotional situation. They all have personal stories to share where they messed with their way of thinking. After they got off the pill, they slowly became their old self again. My wife called her doctor and she told her it was not the pill making her depressed but probably stress. this just fueled her belief even more that I am the cause of her depression. What do you ladies think? Can birth control pills mess with your emotions?


Anything that changes the hormonal balance in your body can easily effect your emotions. If she told her doctor she was depressed and he/she just told her it was most likely stress, she needs a new doctor.

On the other hand, that doesn't mean that her depression is the reason she wants to divorce you. Even if the pills are causing her to be depressed, I doubt that it is the pills alone.


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## Atholk

It absolutely can. Does the doctor even know that she's thinking of divorcing you because shes depressed?

Get into counseling asap.


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## lime

YES, absolutely yes! The pill can really destroy your sanity and your happiness. I was on it for a year and a half and it gave me horrible depression and anxiety that would come in waves--and I switched pills multiple times, but just something about the artificial hormones in general just wrecked me. After I stopped them, it took about two months maybe before I was totally back to normal. 

They can absolutely have that effect, but this might not be the only reason she wants a divorce. I would suggest having her stop taking them so that she can get back to her natural self (if indeed they were causing her depression) before you both make the final decision. Also, I'm not sure how old she is, but if you've been married 18 years, I would assume in her 40s? At that age, being on hormonal birth control might not be as safe, and it's recommended to not take it more than 10 years I think. Overall, it might be a good idea for her to stop taking them.


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## southbound

lime said:


> YES, absolutely yes! The pill can really destroy your sanity and your happiness. I was on it for a year and a half and it gave me horrible depression and anxiety that would come in waves--and I switched pills multiple times, but just something about the artificial hormones in general just wrecked me. After I stopped them, it took about two months maybe before I was totally back to normal.
> 
> They can absolutely have that effect, but this might not be the only reason she wants a divorce. I would suggest having her stop taking them so that she can get back to her natural self (if indeed they were causing her depression) before you both make the final decision. Also, I'm not sure how old she is, but if you've been married 18 years, I would assume in her 40s? At that age, being on hormonal birth control might not be as safe, and it's recommended to not take it more than 10 years I think. Overall, it might be a good idea for her to stop taking them.


Except for the two times we had kids, she has been on them for our entire 18 year marriage. She is convinced they are not her causing her trouble and refuses any suggestions of that nature.


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## CLucas976

It most certainly can!

I was on the pill from age 18 to age 22, I never planned to stop it either, but our honey moon after our wedding was a "lets go right freakin now" we packed nothing, just brought money and our pajamas and took off, in all that I forgot my pills.

After having severe heart palpatations and not being able to hardly breath or get up a few days later, it was amazing how different I felt.

My sex drive came back, my personality started resurfacing, and I never ever want to touch them again, it made me a different person.

The first round I was on before the above mentioned made me so psychotically happy I couldn't stand myself. My mom could have died, and I'd have shrugged it off with a smile.

the thing is, I didn't realize the difference, I was on them for a few years and while it helped my Endo pains, I'd rather be me and spend a day a month feeling like I'm dying.


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## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> Except for the two times we had kids, she has been on them for our entire 18 year marriage. She is convinced they are not her causing her trouble and refuses any suggestions of that nature.


This is probably the #1 reason her sex drive has been lousy all these years also. These things #1 mess with your balance of hormones and Hormones are probably the #1 reason women dont feel sexual.

And very true, as you get older, not supposed to be on hormonal Birth control. Get the Copper IUD, totally hormone free, it can stay in for up to 12 yrs, my sex drive EXPLODED after I got this put in. Love it, once in, you never have to even think about it.


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## colour-me-confused

They certainly can effect her ... emotionally, physically and sexually. I was on one birth control method for years without problems. Then I started having problems with bleeding, headaches, depression and sex drive. I switched kinds a dozen times and it didn't get better until I stopped all together. She can't expect to maintain her same reaction to a pill forever. Her body and hormones are changing as she gets older and so they will effect her differently over time. Mine was the simple difference between being a teenager and being 25 ...


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## Needhelp911

Copper IUD is probably not a good choice either. My friend was on that and the lining of her uterus was thinning and she couldn't stop bleeding. She had to go on hormone replacement because her estrogen levels were so low.

I am totally against birth control pills. I got on it when I was 17 and for 6 months I gained weight and was a total mess. I was so emotional, cried for no reason every time I showered. I thought about life totally different. I wasn't in touch with other peoples feelings just caught up with my own. I got off ASAP and asked my gynecologist if it was normal for my emotions to be so out of wack. She said that you have to experiment with different birth control pills to see which is right for you. I threw the pills out and said screw that Im not going to mess with this crap.

My mother was on it for 6 years and she had severe mood swings. If she's been on birth control for 18 years she's been on it way too long! 

Definitely get into counseling or therapy with your wife and try to get her off of the pill..


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## amicrazyorishecheating

i am on the pill an yes i feel a diffrence in my moods 100 percent it makes me insucure depressed an alots more you should tell her to try getting off for a few months before u take such a big step


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## SimplyAmorous

The only hormone free birth control methods are getting a Vesectomy, her getting her tubes tied or another pernament method, rubbers, the sponge, the Rhythm method or the Copper IUD. Here is a rundown of many options - hormonal & non hormonal : Find a Better Birth Control: Health & Fitness: glamour.com

I personally never had any issues at all with my Paragard copper IUD ParaGard IUD Contraceptive - Birth Control Options using Intrauterine Conception - ParaGard., neither did my Aunt , who even had hers in before she had a baby & got another after her baby. Some women bleed alot after they get it because they are coming off of hormonal birth control & are not used to the other wise heavy periods they normally would have had. 

I guess any birth control method can have problems for some women, but the majority do fine. Since my experience has been so GOOD in every way, I can not help but highly recommend it.


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## southbound

My ex and I mentioned this again lately. She has been on the pill for 18 years and she said if it were to have an affect it would have done it in the beginning, not after 18 years. Any thoughts?


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## lime

No, that's absolutely not sound logic. It is possible that it would have happened that way, but the pill affects every woman differently and on a different time scale. There's no way to know, unless she is a gynecologist, and even then it's so variable based on the individual that many doctors don't have solid answers.


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## Powerbane

Well - the bodies ability to generate hormones goes down with age and with the introduction of synthetic hormones (birth control pills) there could be an imbalance. My wife went through this a few years ago - her PMS was so bad I would hide for a 2 week period. I forcibly went with her to her Dr appointment and voiced my concern - the Dr agreed with me and changed her pills a couple of times over a few months until we hit the sweet spot. 

Been going well ever since!


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## RandomDude

SimplyAmorous said:


> The only hormone free birth control methods are getting a Vesectomy, her getting her tubes tied or another pernament method, rubbers, the sponge, the Rhythm method or the Copper IUD. Here is a rundown of many options - hormonal & non hormonal : Find a Better Birth Control: Health & Fitness: glamour.com
> 
> I personally never had any issues at all with my Paragard copper IUD ParaGard IUD Contraceptive - Birth Control Options using Intrauterine Conception - ParaGard., neither did my Aunt , who even had hers in before she had a baby & got another after her baby. Some women bleed alot after they get it because they are coming off of hormonal birth control & are not used to the other wise heavy periods they normally would have had.
> 
> I guess any birth control method can have problems for some women, but the majority do fine. Since my experience has been so GOOD in every way, I can not help but highly recommend it.


Hmmm... wonder they have this in Australia


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## lime

Copper IUDs are wonderful for some people! I am too young to get one since I haven't had kids yet, but I think it would be my first choice after I have children.

Fertility awareness is also absolutely wonderful--it's especially great when used in conjunction with other methods.


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## Tiredspouse0297

I know bc pills can cause changes in emotions etc. but I wouldn't discount your wife's feelings as being caused by hormones. This is going to make her feel like you don't respect her feelings. You need to talk about it, go to counseling etc. It's easy to grasp at straws to explain why a marriage is ending but her emotions are very real to her and need to be respected. Good luck to you.


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## southbound

Tiredspouse0297 said:


> I know bc pills can cause changes in emotions etc. but I wouldn't discount your wife's feelings as being caused by hormones. This is going to make her feel like you don't respect her feelings. You need to talk about it, go to counseling etc. It's easy to grasp at straws to explain why a marriage is ending but her emotions are very real to her and need to be respected. Good luck to you.


the women I talk to who have had personal experience with the pill don't feel as though the pill caused her to dream up problems; she is probably really unhappy with the things she mentioned, but the hormones just make them seem huge when they might not, otherwise, seem so bad. Does this seem reasonable?


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## Atholk

The pill can also change the way her attraction to men works via changes in her ability to smell potential good mates.

Birth Control Pills Affect Women's Taste in Men: Scientific American

This year 2.25 million Americans will get married—and a million will get divorced. Could birth control be to blame for some of these breakups? Recent research suggests that the contraceptive pill—which prevents women from ovulating by fooling their body into believing it is pregnant—could affect which types of men women desire. Going on or off the pill during a relationship, therefore, may tempt a woman away from her man.

It’s all about scent. Hidden in a man’s smell are clues about his major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes, which play an important role in immune system surveillance. Studies suggest that females prefer the scent of males whose MHC genes differ from their own, a preference that has probably evolved because it helps offspring survive: couples with different MHC genes are less likely to be related to each other than couples with similar genes are, and their children are born with more varied MHC profiles and thus more robust immune systems.

A study published in August in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, however, suggests that women on the pill undergo a shift in preference toward men who share similar MHC genes. The female subjects were more likely to rate these genetically similar men’s scents (via a T-shirt the men had worn for two nights) as pleasant and desirable after they went on the pill as compared with before. Although no one knows why the pill affects attraction, some scientists believe that pregnancy—or in this case, the hormonal changes that mimic pregnancy—draws women toward nurturing relatives.

Women who start or stop taking the pill, then, may be in for some relationship problems. A study published last year in Psychological Science found that women paired with MHC-similar men are less sexually satisfied and more likely to cheat on their partners than women paired with MHC-dissimilar men. So a woman on the pill, for example, might be more likely to start dating a MHC-similar man, but he could ultimately leave her less sexually satisfied. Then if she goes off the pill during the relationship, the accompanying hormonal changes will draw her even more strongly toward more MHC-dissimilar men. These immune genes may have a “powerful effect in terms of how well relationships are cemented,” says University of Liverpool psychologist Craig Roberts, co-author of the August paper.


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## southbound

Atholk, very interesting. My ex has been on the pill for 19 years, aside from the two times we wanted children. Is that too long?


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## southbound

Atholk said:


> The pill can also change the way her attraction to men works via changes in her ability to smell potential good mates.
> 
> Birth Control Pills Affect Women's Taste in Men: Scientific American
> 
> This year 2.25 million Americans will get married—and a million will get divorced. Could birth control be to blame for some of these breakups? Recent research suggests that the contraceptive pill—which prevents women from ovulating by fooling their body into believing it is pregnant—could affect which types of men women desire. Going on or off the pill during a relationship, therefore, may tempt a woman away from her man.
> 
> It’s all about scent. Hidden in a man’s smell are clues about his major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes, which play an important role in immune system surveillance. Studies suggest that females prefer the scent of males whose MHC genes differ from their own, a preference that has probably evolved because it helps offspring survive: couples with different MHC genes are less likely to be related to each other than couples with similar genes are, and their children are born with more varied MHC profiles and thus more robust immune systems.
> 
> A study published in August in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B, however, suggests that women on the pill undergo a shift in preference toward men who share similar MHC genes. The female subjects were more likely to rate these genetically similar men’s scents (via a T-shirt the men had worn for two nights) as pleasant and desirable after they went on the pill as compared with before. Although no one knows why the pill affects attraction, some scientists believe that pregnancy—or in this case, the hormonal changes that mimic pregnancy—draws women toward nurturing relatives.
> 
> Women who start or stop taking the pill, then, may be in for some relationship problems. A study published last year in Psychological Science found that women paired with MHC-similar men are less sexually satisfied and more likely to cheat on their partners than women paired with MHC-dissimilar men. So a woman on the pill, for example, might be more likely to start dating a MHC-similar man, but he could ultimately leave her less sexually satisfied. Then if she goes off the pill during the relationship, the accompanying hormonal changes will draw her even more strongly toward more MHC-dissimilar men. These immune genes may have a “powerful effect in terms of how well relationships are cemented,” says University of Liverpool psychologist Craig Roberts, co-author of the August paper.


As I give this more thought, it could very well be the case. Within a period of months, she seemed to grow sick of me as a husband. First it was no touching, then the couch, then out the door.


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