# My husband never makes love to me



## lotus_flower (Dec 19, 2012)

My husband and I have only been married 3 years. He was never very loving or affectionate, never made the first move sexually but I thought I could love him enough for both of us. Had enough passion and desire for us both. I didn't. We have been together 8 years but right from the start he was cold, non affectionate, battled to express himself and struggled with my openness. It really was a disaster waiting to happen.

The sad thing is that I loved him so much. More than I ever thought possible. But all that is changing. When he threw all my love back in my face, its as if I am slowly dying inside. I feel so empty. I ache for his touch. I am so lonely and want so much to be touched and loved by his body and his fingers, his mouth, his tongue. That passionate love I felt, it’s been replaced with disappointment, anger, sadness.

I am a useless when it comes to doing things around the house. For the most part my husband does more in the house than I do. He is anal about things though lol. If I leave a bra lying around or a pair of shoes he puts them away. I am not tidy. I take my bra off and leave it on the kitchen counter haha. Yes I know. I am bad but it’s who I am *blush*. He likes to cook. He worked in restaurants so I don't argue. I don't enjoy cooking. For me life is about living, enjoying, laughing, sharing. When I come home I want to shower and make love or just give him oral sex. I don't care about dinner but he is uptight and wants to make dinner, or dinner is already cooking and then he worries its going to burn, etc. l always want sex. To make love. To touch his body and to me with him. To experiment sexually. But he rejects me and always says he is not in the mood.

He is old fashioned. Believes a woman should be looked after by a man. The fact that since we met, I have been looking after him makes him feel emasculated. I own the house, the cars, the furniture, etc. I am a very open minded person sexually and took the lead in the bedroom too. I am pretty useless in the cooking department so he does most of the cooking. I can't iron a shirt but I will give him whatever he wants sexually and please him until he cant walk. But he is pissed off that I don't want to be a domestic goddess. I don't care. I work all day. And I work hard. I enjoy my job. When I come home I want to make love not worry about dinner. He was previously married to a woman who physically abused him and who was a domestic goddess. But she treated him like ****. She was anal about their house being spotless. They were not allowed to go out until everything was shiny clean. And she would deliberately try hurt him by going out drinking with other men in ****ty clothes. They had a very angry marriage with verbal and physical abuse. He walked out eventually. He left her everything just to get out. Then he meets me. Total opposite. Loving passionate kind loyal gentle etc and he has just treated me awfully from day 1. No affection. Cold. Distant. But I loved him so much. Felt his pain. Wanted to show him what real love is like. But he just tells me that I overwhelm him. He has never met a woman like me. I am too everything - emotional soft sexual etc. I was always taking photos and sending them or writing sexy emails and sms'. Telling him what I wanted or how I felt or sending messages about what I wanted to do to him or have him do to me. He would sometimes reply with something generic like nice or sounds good but eventually he just stopped replying at all.

When he lost his job and I was supporting us, he felt emasculated because he is old fashioned. To top it off I am so sexual and was always complaining about him not wanting sex with me. I am quite dominant in bed liking to take the lead and very adventurous etc but by the same taken wanted him to be just as dominant and adventurous. but it I don’t make the move, we would never have sex. Another problem is that my husband doesnt like 4play. He never touches me or licks me. My husband never makes me orgasm but he never tries. He thinks I must cum from penetration only. The fact I don't makes him think he is a **** lover. I had to keep asking him to go with me to buy sex toys and only begrudgingly did he come with eventually. But he wouldn't use them on me. He doesn't do foreplay. unless it’s me doing things for him no matter how many times I asked him to use the toys on me, to lie me down and devour me, to shower with me, to just bend me over and make love to me etc he refused.

The thing that messed me up the most was that I found out my husband was wanting to cheat and he went looking for a normal woman who would make him feel like a man. I bust him 3 times. As far as I know, he never actually followed through but whilst he was rejecting me, he had profiles up on many sites looking for a @#%& buddy and nsa fun on the side. Meanwhile I was at home begging for some affection, some tenderness and for him to just be a husband, have sex with me, share my passion and desire to be with him and he rejected me constantly. He said I made him feel like meat always touching him and wanting to be with him. He says he cant deal with the fact that I just touch him and he gets aroused and he has no control over himself. He said he feels inferior because I own the cars, the house and the motorbike and he owns nothing. It’s ridiculous really. A marriage is a partnership. When I lost my job some years ago, he supported us and paid all the bills. I always tell him how awesome he is, how good in bed, how sexy and how much I love him etc. Why he felt less of a man only he knows. Anyway, I got tired of being rejected and stopped bothering. Your heart can only be broken so many times.

After the 3rd time I found him looking for fun on the side, I thought ok he wants to be with other woman, I was so lonely and desperate for some form of affection, to be touched, tasted, made to feel like a desired woman that I suggested my husband and I had an open marriage or went swinging. He declined. He doesn't want to share me with another man nor can he deal with knowing another man might be giving me pleasure in a way he cannot. We no longer share a bedroom and sex only happens when I really push for it. And then its quick, lasts a few minutes and there is no foreplay or tenderness. It’s just penis in, hump hump, he cums and its over. He says that he wishes it was different but never makes any effort to change things. I keep trying. For example this week, I asked him if he would lick me from behind. That I crave that. It’s so sexy and hot. That I wanted to kneel on the bed and have him spread my butt cheeks, run his tongue down between my lips, finger me and lick me, probe me with his tongue and then make love to me when I had cum. He said, I might and then nothing happened thereafter. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am so empty inside. And that is pretty much my story . . .


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

You can do a lot better...


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## lotus_flower (Dec 19, 2012)

I am being stupid staying arent I? This is not how someone shows love


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Yes, it's time to cut the cord and move on. Nothing is going to change; not you and not him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You two are profoundly incompatible. 

You cannot change him. What you see is what you get. Are you willing to spend your life on a man who has never even cared to try to please you sexually? Who gives you no affection, etc?


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

lotus_flower said:


> _A marriage is a partnership. When I lost my job some years ago, he supported us and paid all the bills. I always tell him how awesome he is, how good in bed, how sexy and how much I love him etc._


I'm sure you have but I need to ask... have you expressed this to him, in this way? I'm a guy and if I felt inadequate, this kind of dialogue would really put my mind at ease. 

Aside from that it's really too bad. I feel sad whenever I see a woman with an insatiable sexual appetite-- there are plenty of us guys ready to indulge. Heh.


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

I could be wrong, but my gut says you are having (had) an affair.


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## heaodfrant (Dec 19, 2012)

This is not how someone shows love


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

sounds like another classic case of entering a marriage based on some faulty assumptions (I could change him) and it doesn't sound as if either party is happy. So the real question seems to be how much longer does this relationship last?


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## Nd4 (Feb 3, 2014)

I wish you were my wife.


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

Nd4 said:


> I wish you were my wife.


No kidding! Damn! There are so many guys on TAM that are dying inside for their spouse/SO to desire these things, and to give back in return. Just reading the OP made me realize (as if I needed a reminder) what a pathetic existence I'm leading in a six-year sexless marriage with no affection or intimacy. Gawd's Holy Trousers, what is wrong with this world!:scratchhead:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

lotus_flower said:


> My husband and I have only been married 3 years. He was never very loving or affectionate, never made the first move sexually but I thought I could love him enough for both of us. Had enough passion and desire for us both. I didn't. We have been together 8 years but right from the start he was cold, non affectionate, battled to express himself and struggled with my openness. It really was a disaster waiting to happen.
> 
> The sad thing is that I loved him so much. More than I ever thought possible. But all that is changing. When he threw all my love back in my face, its as if I am slowly dying inside. I feel so empty. I ache for his touch. I am so lonely and want so much to be touched and loved by his body and his fingers, his mouth, his tongue. That passionate love I felt, it’s been replaced with disappointment, anger, sadness.
> 
> ...



You came to the right place, and I feel for you.

Both of you take the 5 love languages quiz, alone, and then compare the results and talk. Your love languages might be completely different and this way, you both will finally know.
Home | The 5 Love Languages®

My wifee and I also went through tough financial times way back in the day. I was on EI, stressed out, while she was working, but I never had her help with my share of the finances. I always cleaned our place, grocery shopped and had food ready. But my sex drive didn't drop because I was looking for work. I needed sex more than ever to help me deal with the stress. We have both lost and got new jobs and yes, its stressful.

I too do all the things around the house and my wifee learns from me and sometimes helps out. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Sounds like your love language is Physical.......and his is not.

Your hubby has to be a man and take care of your needs, physical and sexual in this situation. He isn't doing this, making excuses and wanting to cheat, and you catching him many times already. He isn't a low sex drive LD guy then!!! If he isn't willing to take the 5 love languages quiz with you, really talk afterwards, and he isn't going to change, divorce is an option.

What you want sexually, as you've described, is healthy, fun, adventurous and most guys would kill for a woman like you!!! There is something wrong with this guy........


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

OMG, get a divorce right away. No sex after only 3 years of marriage? He has a screw loose.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

What a shame that he is missing in action. 
Not much you can do about it but make it clear to him that his current behavior in unacceptable and needs to change.


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## RandomWife99 (Jan 28, 2014)

Wow, to me the biggest problem would be that he's openly and repeatedly looking to have an affair. That tells me that he's not invested in the relationship and probably not willing to put in the effort to fix it. Have you ever really expressed how angry and hurt that must have made you? Cheating is often a deal breaker in marriage, especially if both people don't fix the root of the problem. It doesn't sound like he understands that, or maybe he doesn't care at this point. Have you ever asked him if he really loves you and wants to stay married?

It sounds like he's stuck in some very traditional views of gender roles and he feels like less of a man with you. Unless he's willing to be open minded and do some serious work to overcome those beliefs it doesn't seem like the relationship can work.


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