# lost interest in sex



## sadpoet (Feb 9, 2009)

I've lost interest in sex. I never was very good at it to begin with, and for years didn't get much because of my wife's illnesses.
She's better now, and likes the intimacy but I'm having trouble even with that. 

Part of it is physical, and part mental. I'm 65, and two years ago I have critical prostate cancer surgery with removal of the prostate. I still have ED, and I've tried viagra but all it does is make me nauseous. I've tried herbal remedies which help some, but not enough. In any case my wife is very sensitive down there and even if I could get it up I would not perform intercourse for fear of hurting her. 

Mentally, I've always been unsure of myself in that area. My first wife laughed at me when I couldn't make it go in. Later, she had men in our bed when I was at work. This experience did not help my self-confidence. The times I have (a long, long time ago) made it I've found the act tedious and positions uncomfortable. Later, at work, a female boss didn't help my confidence in myself much, and I felt emasculated. These things, plus a poor self image and loss of my job led to depression. Four years ago I put myself in a mental ward for a week, fearing I might hurt myself. I let forced retirement, money problems, and finally the prostate operation get me down.

I really want to turn this around, for both me and my wife's sake. I'm clumsy around her and fearful of intimacy. Just a few minutes ago were laying close in bed. When she moved to change positions, I moved also and kneed her in the head. I'm at the point of giving up and so is she, suggesting we take separate bedrooms. Can't say I blame her. 


sadpoet


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

There are plenty of things you could try, but it would help if you had a willing partner. How come she suddenly wants intimacy after all this time. Can you explain why she did not want it before?


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## sadpoet (Feb 9, 2009)

Despite the fact that my wife suffers from chrone's disease, celiac, restless leg, hep c, high blood pressure, diabetes, and low iron count (anemia), among others, she is not the problem. As a matter of fact, ever since she tossed her pills along with her doctor she has lost over 100 pounds and feels fine despite her multiple conditions. She desires intimacy and enjoys sex, although the best I can do is the finger-wave - which suits her fine.

No, I'm the problem, and i think it's more mental than anything else. I feel inadaquate and fearful that I will not satisfy her. I've hurt her several times, not meaning to - either because I didn't clip my fingernails close enough and scratched her, or I didn't hit the right spot, or I was trying too hard. Although I still have ED, I do have some feeling down there. I just don't care if I get the feeling. I don't want to fake my orgasm, I wouldn't be convincing - after all, we've been together 30 years and she would know. She says I've lost my passion, and maybe she's right. She needs my attention and intamacy, and i keep failing in the process.

sadpoet


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sadpoet-

I know more about this subject than any other.

You make it sound like you are a lost cause but you're not. If you really want to crack this you can. There are exercises you can do, plus other techniques I can tell you about that will turn this around for you.

I can go into detail if you want, but only if you ask. What would seal the deal is if you could have a talk with your wife and ask if she is willing to work on it with you. If she isn't, it will be harder, but few things in life are impossible


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## sadpoet (Feb 9, 2009)

She woke me up last night, said she was horny. I tried, but I messed it up. Didn't have my fingers in the right place long enough. But I could tell the passion simply wasn't there. I still want intimacy, still like to hold her, but as for sex I simply don't care to try. Exercises for what? To get it up? That won't get my passion back.

Anyway she got angry, telling me it's the last time. I'm afraid that
only feeds my depression, or whatever it is. I want it for her but unless I want it for myself it won't work.

Sadpoet


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

If you're having issues with ED, there are other drugs to use beside Viagara...look into them.

Secondly, if you're clumsy around women and unsure of yourself or what to do...try the Better Sex DVD series...it has some very good tutorials and instruction, it's not pornographic...maybe she can watch with you.

I don't know how long you've been married or how much experience you have but it's never too late to learn.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Sadpoet

Saying "I never was very good at it to begin with" Is hurting you to start.
Ask your wife what she likes and feed off of that... Listen to what she likes it might be a moan or watch her reaction it will tell you alot.


I use to think I knew what foreplay was, till a few weeks ago...
For 23 years foreplay was touch this rub that and go right to it...

I have learned that running my fingers all over my Wife not only excited her but Wow it opened a door to me also..

I always found my wife Beautiful, and love ehr body no matter what she thought. Put Kissing her and touching her and more kissing and touching not for a few mins like before but for 30-45 mins before Intercourse took my breath away. 
Take your time to excite your self!!!!!! Tell your wife what excites you...

I don't know much about ED, listen to Mark, as he as helped me...

Preacher is right there are other meds and it's never to late to learn...

You have to stop with the "I was never good at it" 
Being good at it is how you feel and how you make your wife feels no more or less.


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## peaches (Apr 26, 2009)

I'm sorry that you don't feel confident with your wife. I don't see how you could want to have sex if you feel so badly about your performance. Viagra won't help with that anyway. My husband and I have been together 10 years, married 5. When we started dating he wasn't really into oral--unfortunately a prior girlfriend told him he wasn't good at it. He said he never really liked it anyway. It took a little time-without someone insulting him-and he was GREAT! Now he loves it-imagine that. Your wife needs to understand she can't get mad at you if something doesn't go right. I'm sure you're not as bad as you think. Everybody has messed up positions or bumped their partner in the head or not been able to get the right spot at some point. It's no big deal and it's not your fault. Let your wife know she needs to tell you more of what you're right and not so much what you're doing wrong--it's gonna benefit her in the long run. BTW, you said your wife is fine with your finger--if you've gotten her off that way you should feel good about that-alot of guys can't do it.


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

I'm not sure if you know this or not but they make a strap-on for men who have issues getting it up and still want to please their wives.

You need to know you aren't alone in this. The little blue pill doesn't work for everyone and there are other options for you. I would google like a mad man.

I would suggest surfing free porn sites to see if you get any reactions to anything you see. You could find something you have never seen or thought of that turns you on. Just make sure you wife knows you are doing it to help your issue and not watching porn because you don't want sex with her.

I'm not sure if external links to such stuff is ok on this site so I would just tell you to google "pornhub" or "tnaflix".


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

They Call Me Smooth said:


> I'm not sure if you know this or not but they make a strap-on for men who have issues getting it up and still want to please their wives.


I know of a guy who used one of these. It seem like a very good start. Once you get past the embarrassment, it can be quite a laugh.

Some of them are hollow, so that you can become erect. For this reason they are sometimes called trainers - like a having stabiliser wheels on a bike.


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