# Husband no sex, but loves porn



## heartnsoul (May 8, 2009)

Yesterday I walked into our bedroom where it was obvious that DH was masturbating, and he out right denied it. When I went onto the computer there was all this porn history. I confronted him and he admitted it, he said he was embarrassed (which I told him was crazy). Our sex life has been failing for sometime, we are only married for 6 months. I have a much larger sex drive than he does, and I am always trying to initiate sex with him. He always tells me he is too exhausted. What really bothered me about yesterday was the fight we got into. I asked him how often he did and and when and he told me a couple of times a week when I was asleep. Here I am wanting to have sex with him and he would rather have sex with himself and the computer. I am so jealous and furious over the porn. Am I just overacting or do I have a right to be so hurt?:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

he has an addiction, addictions screw things up. assuming you havent changed a great deal physically (like gained 200 pounds) or created some other major wall between you both (an affair) then i would say you do have a right to be hurt and furious. i personally dont get the porn over the real thing preference. i wish my wife wanted sex as you profess to, we would be very busy.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Quick question, and be honest. How is his performance in bed?


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

I think that maybe watching a lot of porn and not wanting sex go hand in hand... I always thought that my ex-h was just prude and not into sex... that was until i found that he had been watching porn a few hours almost every day when i was sleeping (he worked nights)... I was furious also... I think that most normal men would want the real thing...sorry you are going through this... I know how it feels


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

There is much too little here for anyone to say your husband is "addicted". A professional after working with your husband might be able to make that statement but there could be a lot of other things going on here. Porn in and of itself is like a gun. Its all about how you use it. Your husband may or may not prefer porn to you. It sounds like you have pretty good communication going so talk about your desire for more intimacy and his wants/needs in a non confrontational way. Sex is complicated stuff and people tend to hold back a lot usually out of fear of rejection or not wanting to hurt their partner. You need to get him to open up and when/if he does you need to be open minded, accepting and loving. Of course there are limits etc. but that is obvious so I'm not going to waste the bandwidth on it.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

heartnsoul said:


> Here I am wanting to have sex with him and he would rather have sex with himself and the computer. I am so jealous and furious over the porn. Am I just overacting or do I have a right to be so hurt?:scratchhead::scratchhead:


Im sorry you are going through this. i went through it with my H, too- still going through it i guess. he lied to me for the longest time. After i caught him it was confusing times for me because i had never had a problem with porn before so i thought we could integrate it into our sex life. but at the same time i was really pissed off and hurt because it was obvious he'd rather just jack off to other girls then make love to me. So i would go from trying to dress up for him, to hating him and cussing him out. 

Eventually i realized the porn would have to go. or i would. and that he'd have to get counseling (he has other issues). and of course i realized that id become so angry and obsessed about it all that i needed to go to counseling, too. 

it took a couple years of shear h*ll, but things are just now starting to get better. we both go to counseling and do boundary books together. our sex life still sucks, and im still getting over it all, but i think we are both healing.


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## heartache (Mar 21, 2009)

I just posted the same thing and I'm confused myself on what to do. I know what' it's like and my husband went thru counselling, man we had a good sex life then, it was like he was acting out porn star behavior at that time, did I catch on "nope" I didn't catch on until later, and he did go to counselling and it's hell for sure, the feelings of either loving or not, the resentment cuz he did lie, hid the books, did his thing, he used to tell me in my sleep i would tell him it was okay to masturbate cuz I didnt' want any... oh please, don't want any he must have been dreaming himself... speed ahead about 4-5 yrs and all seemed fine and last week I caught him again, he denied it but I was standing right there and he still denied it, and denied... i'm sick of it, not sure what I'm going to do yet. Oh yeah and the last yr I would say working on myself and having to almost beg for sex from him it's not what it used to be, he has no sex drive, if he does it's a min or two and we are supposed to be finished, I dont' even bother anymore. I walk around so horney wanted to jump anything that is willing, I'm almost the pathetic one. 
So I do understand, and do sympathize with everyone's pain when it comes to porn... it's so difficult. I'm still struggling when he's around me, emotions are very up and down.


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## goatz (Jul 21, 2009)

I loved porn for a while then my wife lost weight, now we make porn (rhetorically speaking). Sounds ****y but most guys are that shallow.


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## heartache (Mar 21, 2009)

I dont' mean to sound rude, but didn't you love/enjoy making love to her before she lost weight. I thought it was all about the mind, soul and heart which drew our love to each other, which made our outer beauty. 
My husband married me for who I was, chuncky butt.I started working on me about a yr ago for me, health reason and so on, but it wasn't my weight that turned him off, it was his mental addiction to porn, thinking he was a porn star putting himself into another persons body ( if one would say that) , now he has nothing to give me, and I think I'm a dam sexy woman , but he blew it.


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