# Boundaries - Hypothetical Situations



## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

A mixed group of casually acquainted work colleagues are out drinking after work, no partners present. Is it appropriate for the men to put their arms around the womens waists while talking or to cuddle the women to say hello or goodbye? What about if the woman initiates? Is it polite to accept both ways but not encourage or to deflect as inappropriate?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Arms around the waist and cuddling? Not appropriate.

Hugs hello and good-bye? That's more tradition and I'm OK with it among friends. But what is strange to me is to see a politician get up on a stage after being introduced and shake hands with all the guys but hug all the women. Unless you're friends with the woman, a handshake should suffice in all situations.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I would say no. A brief hug is about the limit of appropriateness for work colleagues meeting outside work. Some would find even that inappropriate, but I will hug a friend, but probably not just an acquaintance.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

TAM2013 said:


> A mixed group of casually acquainted work colleagues are out drinking after work, no partners present. Is it appropriate for the men to put their arms around the womens waists NO while talking or to cuddle the women to say hello or goodbyeNO ? What about if the woman initiates NO ? Is it polite to accept both ways but not encourage or to deflect as inappropriate? Seriously. Where do you work?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TAM2013 said:


> A mixed group of casually acquainted work colleagues are out drinking after work, no partners present. Is it appropriate for the men to put their arms around the womens waists while talking or to cuddle the women to say hello or goodbye? What about if the woman initiates? Is it polite to accept both ways but not encourage or to deflect as inappropriate?


Um no.


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

Not good.. to touchy feely!!! Quick hug sure.. but that's it


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## sdrawkcab (Jun 16, 2016)

An arm around my waist is waaaayyy too familiar... Hugging an opposite sex colleague- Nope
Completely unprofessional.
You can be friendly without being inappropriate.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

KillerClown said:


> Seriously. Where do you work?


All hypothetical, remember?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OK, for work I'm EXTREMELY careful. I do not ever what to provide a hint of accepting any form of harassment. 

Other social settings: Handshakes are fine. If someone goes for a hug, I'll lean forward and return a 1-hand hug around their back. Not exactly rejecting, but limiting the amount of contact. Done with a friendly smile.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TAM2013 said:


> A mixed group of casually acquainted work colleagues are out drinking after work, no partners present. Is it appropriate for the men to put their arms around the womens waists while talking or to cuddle the women to say hello or goodbye? What about if the woman initiates? Is it polite to accept both ways but not encourage or to deflect as inappropriate?


No, no, no, yes, yes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Neither is appropriate.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband would never do that.. . he'd feel it wrong.. too intimate with the opposite sex (being a married man), pushing boundaries - if one gets THAT close this easily.. what else might they have on their minds.. it's surely "physically flirtatious"...


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

What if a partner is present (who thinks like most of us posting here) and politely deflects the advances on the partners behalf? Do we call that an assertive sign of strength or a jealous, controlling weakness?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

TAM2013 said:


> All hypothetical, remember?


Oh OK. Seriously, where do you hypothetically work ?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Oh and to answer your first question, hell no!!! And to your last question, partner is not being tough enough!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

TAM2013 said:


> *What if a partner is present (who thinks like most of us posting here) and politely deflects the advances on the partners behalf?* Do we call that an assertive sign of strength or a jealous, controlling weakness?


I'm trying to imagine what that would actually look like. A glaring growl of "No hugs!" or just keeping an arm around their partner so that there's no opportunity for anyone else to do so? I would think how the advances are 'politely deflected' would make a lot of difference in whether that's interpreted as strength or just some weird controlling thing.

FWIW, I'm Southern. We hug. Pretty much everyone. But not work colleagues unless we are also good friends outside of work, or for some special occasion - a bereavement, a serious diagnosis, a wedding announcement, a baby announcement, retirement, etc. Some people, mostly women, will keep a hand on your back or arm for a moment, after they've hugged you, while exchanging further conversation. Anything more than that - like a guy keeping his arm around a woman he's not partnered with in a casually protective, possessive, manner - would be highly inappropriate.


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## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

I would never hug a work colleague of the opposite sex. However I do have a couple of female work friends that I hug on meeting.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Naa. I'm talking about the old 3-4 drinks in, inhibitions lowered, excuse for a grope behavior. Married women throwing their arms round the necks of single dudes, single dudes going round and cuddling all the girls in turn when they go for a piss/to the bar etc.

It seems I'm in the minority in certain circles as I won't stand for it. I'd just next the girl if she thought it was normal and I was uptight but it's interesting to hear other opinions.


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## sdrawkcab (Jun 16, 2016)

I fortunately work for a company that is inclusive of spouses for work-social activities, so I would not even attend one solo. Also, even in the presence of alcohol, l would choose not to imbibe as to be unprofessional (have lowered inhibitions). You can enjoy alcohol without becoming sophomoric.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TAM2013 said:


> A mixed group of casually acquainted work colleagues are out drinking after work, no partners present. Is it appropriate for the men to put their arms around the womens waists while talking or to cuddle the women to say hello or goodbye? What about if the woman initiates? Is it polite to accept both ways but not encourage or to deflect as inappropriate?


*IMHO, it is totally inappropriate for members of either sex to be making any kind of physical contact with each other, no matter how lame that their justifications and rationales are for doing so!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *IMHO, it is totally inappropriate for members of either sex to be making any kind of physical contact with each other, no matter how lame that their justifications and rationales are for doing so!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unless you're all single and fishing for a fvck. Bring it on then, I say and may the best man win.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

I come from a family that has always given hugs - especially with the women. Whenever we have guests over to our home, I always hug the women who I greet (and my wife hugs them too) - as long as I know them well. If just meeting, I would not hug another women.

Through work, there are a few women that I have known for over 15 years and they now work at locations far away from me. Whenever we run into each other at business meetings, we always hug - and I see nothing wrong with this. 

One time though, I did hug a woman when really I should not have - I just did it out of habit and it was too late after I did it - I was actually her bosses boss - and had spent a good amount of time with her on a business trip - when saying goodbye at the airport - I hugged her instead of shaking hands - and immediately I felt like I had maybe broke the rules of engagement with the opposite sex at work - thank God she did not report it to management of my company - I am much more careful now.


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