# His last chance?



## artycupid (Jan 19, 2011)

well if anyone has been following my saga they know that my fiance has been LESS than charming these past few months.

Most recently my maid of honor pulled out and he reacted by calling her the C word on his twitter using her entire full name.

she found out and is now not attending my wedding AT ALL.

He said it was her fault. We had a fight a big one and two things happened:

He protected his twitter so no one could read his insanity posts.
He promised to start coming with me to my activities.

Today both went flying down in a pack of flames

It started in the morning when he decided he'd had enough of protecting his tweets and tweeted this:

Tweet 1: Ok, I tried the protected tweet thing. Can't do it. Almost defeats half the point of being on here to me.

Tweet 2: So if anyone reads my tweets and doesn't like em: A) why are you reading them anyway and B) go **** yourself 

Then he starts tweeting about the printmaking class we are doing together tonight, as a promise to do more "me" things.

Busy work day followed almost immediately by a 3 hour class makes for a daunting day ahead. Plus I have to miss the Knicks again .

"I best thing about following all sports is having absolutely no off season. Give me a month and I'll give you a ton of sports happenings."
"This print making class is really getting in the way of my Knicks watching."

Then someone asked why he was missing the game anyway, he replied

"I'll catch the replay when I get home. This is the trade off with my girlfriend for her having Union season tickets."

Then the horrible part came, he shows up the class that only has a few people and he is on his iphone watching the knicks game the ENTIRE TIME. And for his art print? He did a painting of a mushroom angry, a painting I already did for him, he just put no effort at all into it. here is his twitter post about it:

"Great win for the Knicks. Hurray for watching most of it on league pass on my iPhone throughout that class."


Then this part happened last week but it keeps making me feel sick in my stomach.

last week his 8th favorite team sent out their schedule of games, he was worried about missing a game during our wedding and tweeted

"Please no home games the weekends of July 30"

then someoen asked if the games worked out for him.

"Coulda been worse. Definitely missing the Colorado game."

"Only home game I'll miss is July 30th against Colorado. I'll be getting married right around kick off. "

Then someone said "oh well thats a good reason to miss a game!" and he said

"Thanks. I thought it was a good excuse. I get one good excused absence a year. Unfortunately last year's was for the PPL opener."

and the person asked why they missed last years game and he wrote:

"funeral of a friend, unfortunately. Didn't know til the week of. yep. And at least this time it's a much less important game. If it had been Red Bull or something I woulda been pissed."

ok he wouldve been PISSED to miss a red bull game for OUR WEDDING.

Also that death of a friend wasn't able to be scheduled UNFORTUNATELY. this is one of our best friends from HS who tragically killed himself, and the way he writes it is like it inconvenienced his ppl game. That upsets me more than the wedding actually. 

thoughts here??


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Sorry, if my boyfriend was pissed to be missing a sports event for our wedding, he'd be able to attend all the sports events he wanted, because I'd cancel the wedding and the entire relationship. 

EIGHTH favorite sports team? Sounds obsessed to me. That'll never change. 

And so insensitive that he was upset about missing a game to go to his best friend's funeral? Yeah, that wouldn't work for me. I could never be with someone that insensitive. 

My honest opinion is that you'd be better off without him. It doesn't really sound like you get all that much from him anyway.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Look up narcissistic personality disorder. His comment about the funeral is so off base that one has to wonder about him.

If you are already this disenchanted with him, why are you still planning to marry him? It will not change. Are you willing to schedule births, deaths, funerals, and everything in between, around HIM? Because that is exactly the future you can expect. He'd make a great partner for someone who is as crazy about sports as he is, but that's not you. So find someone you are MUCH more compatible with.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

If he is this obsessed BEFORE you get married, what do you think is going to happen when he HAS YOU and doesn't have to "bend" to keep you anymore?

You will be a sports widow after you get married and if this is okay with you - then great - if not, you're in for a long haul of frustration, disappointment and resentment.

Let's hope a championship game is not on if/when you give birth!


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

This is more of the same. He's showing you who he is. And you're not happy with it now, what makes you think it's going to change? You think he's miraculously going to prioritize anything other than sports? This man is practically screaming at you who he is. Please listen to him and pay close attention. You are not going to fit in his world, and he's not going to fit in yours. This is trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So just what are YOU getting out of this relationship?

He's not even married to you yet, and you are already getting in the way of his (what I consider obsessive, to say the least!) sports viewing.

And you're actually going to get married to this?:scratchhead:


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Oh, and P.S. - I would have kicked this character to the curb the first time he used the "C" word.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> Look up narcissistic personality disorder. His comment about the funeral is so off base that one has to wonder about him.
> 
> .


I agree. He may not be capable of a relationship.
There is something OFF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

sisters359 said:


> Look up narcissistic personality disorder. His comment about the funeral is so off base that one has to wonder about him.


I agree!! You should run NOW before you get stuck in a marriage with this guy. He is a self-absorbed jerk!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

AC,
Be very careful.

You are the only poster on the board whose physical security concerns me. If you choose to end it I believe he is going to temporarily be completely destabilized. During that time his physical behavior will be totally unpredictable. Uncontrollable rage will be an understatement of his internal reaction. 

As close as your are to it, I don't think his behavior is quite as disturbing to you as it is to a third party. If you were my daughter I would strongly encourage you to end it in a public area with friends nearby. And then leave the metro area until the dust settles. It may never settle. I would not go back to an apartment with him "afterwards" to "get my stuff". 





artycupid said:


> well if anyone has been following my saga they know that my fiance has been LESS than charming these past few months.
> 
> Most recently my maid of honor pulled out and he reacted by calling her the C word on his twitter using her entire full name.
> 
> ...


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi arty--

i have followed your threads....and i dont think what anyone here will change your mind about you ''soon-to-be" husband. you will marry him and live the life you have already been shown, and have seen.

he wont change, you dont require hum to change. i think you think that somethings off, or else you wouldnt be here. you have to decide if you are worth it.

how do you see your life together in the next 5 or 10 years?? will you be surrounded by old friends and family?? what will thanksgiving be like?? do you think you dont deserve to have a fun, kind, loving marriage?? lets talk about christams....will family be visiting?, will friends?, will you and the kids have a fun day with resents and food and singing?, or will you spend the time locked away from the world, because there are a million games on???

think about your future very carefully. how was your valientines day?? filled with love and togetherness?? did you eat a fun meal?, watch a movie together?? do you go anywhere together?? not on the phone, not thinking about sports, not bickering, but really together??

a date in a sports bar does not count....when was the last time he sacrificed anything for you, AND didnt make you feel like sh!t for him chooseing you?? when was the last time he said, oh theres something i wanted to watch, but i know you wanted us to watch "that thing you wanted us to see?".

none of us will change your mind. you have to decide. its your future.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Please just imagine me shaking you back and forth while screaming, "WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO SEE THIS MAN FOR WHO HE IS!?!" 

Seriously, you know what you need to do.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I could be off base here, and if I am, please just see if any of it rings true--

You said right off that the two of you dated in college and since. I clearly remember a huge "marriage push" after college. There was a big feeling that marriage was the "next step" after graduation and of course, it would be to whoever you'd dated last in college.

I'm really wondering if part of your angst here is actually between knowing that he's REALLY, REALLY WRONG for you and the idea that you should just be married by now. That you _should_ marry him because, well everyone is getting married, you've invested all this time together and it's just what's _supposed_ to happen. It's a lot of pressure and I'm in no way trying to make it sound shallow. I get it.

Let me tell you firsthand that you really don't have a timeline. I broke up with the guy I dated all through college about three months before graduation. We still had to be in about three weddings together because *everyone* was getting married and we were barely speaking anymore. But to have married him would have ruined both our lives. We're actually friends now and both think that. The experiences we went on to have were incredible and we never would have had them if we'd followed the herd and done what we were "supposed" to. 

Marriage is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever, ever done. Divorce isn't any easier and my husband is basically a kind and decent person. I honestly don't think you have that advantage. And if your relationship is this unbalanced, unfair and unpleasant now, what is SERIOUSLY going to happen when you start adding in kids and homeowners associations and aging parents and all the other pressures that come as life goes on?

Are you honestly prepared to eat Thanksgiving dinner alone in the dining room while he watches the game? Or explain to your guests or your hosts why he isn't there since he can't miss the game? Are you ready to raise your kids alone? Take care of both sets of parents? Maintain your house, cars and yards by yourself because he's got a game? Are you ready to be called the c-word and every other name in the book when you start to call him on this stuff and actually ask him to participate in your marriage without league pass on his iPhone? 

Is all of that worth the status of achieving marriage right now because "it's time"?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm an incurable Pink Floyd fan, and one of their best songs of all time fits this situation: "Run Like Hell!"


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## artycupid (Jan 19, 2011)

thanks for the input, whenever I read new words of insight it reminds me and puts things in perspective. he has a way of normalizing how things are for me. That one year we will do xyz that he does care etc etc etc


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

artycupid said:


> he has a way of normalizing how things are for me.


Maybe you should just listen to your own doubts. I'm sure he want you to think he is "normalizing" things. I generally refer to it as manipulation.

We all have our own inner voice. Some call it "gut instinct." How 'bout trusting what YOU consider normal and leave him out of the equation for now? 

You are facing a major life decision. He is either the way you describe him here, or else he isn't as bad as you say. I have no way of knowing for certain, not having heard his side of the story.

Regardless, he is not the one posting here; you are.

And you sound less-than-thrilled with this guy.

No matter what anyone says here, you have to make a decision based on your own instincts. Nobody else is marrying this man. You are. You're an adult. Work things out with him, figure out what you want (and if he's what you want), or move on with your life.


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