# Don't like Wife's New Tattoo



## sstew

After a night out with her girlfriend, my wife told me she had a surprise for me. With that announcement she showed me a tiny flower she had tattooed on her left breast. I was upset for a couple of reasons. I have never been crazy about tattoos and I especially didn't like them on her. I was also upset that she didn't ask me how I thought about it before she did it. And probably the thing that bothered me the most was that she removed her shirt and bra in front of the three men who worked there and was topless for the whole procedure. 

My wife I think is a natural beauty. She young, attractive, and I felt this cheapens her appearance. What do others think of breast tattoos and what is involved in removing them?


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## 2Daughters

Makes me wonder what she HASN'T told you!!


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## Robrobb

Bear in mind, when you do talk to her, that she was probably very excited to show you her tattoo - may even have considered it a turn-on and hoped you would too. It sounded like she told you as soon as she got home with it. If you reacted strongly opposite from what she'd hoped her feelings will be badly hurt, and that should be addressed right away in the conversation, before you start talking about your feelings. A simple acknowledgment that it was important to her and that she wanted you to know right away, might be enough. Then give her a chance to express how she felt about it.


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## cherrypie18

What's done is done. Tattoo removal is not a good idea it leaves a scar that's worse than the "tiny" tattoo". 
Ruining your marriage over this is not worth it!

Those tattoo guys see breasts and other body parts daily so that shouldn't really be something to worry about. If she went to a male ob/gyn would it bother you? 

The thing is it's her body and if she was excited to show you then she thought you might like it too. If it's on her breast, hidden under clothes and bra then she did it for you.

Might grow on you...


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## withinbrandy

I agree about the men looking at her while giving her a tatoo...I dont think that's right at all, but getting a tatoo shouldnt be a big deal. It is her body...just like you have your body.


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## samlhouston

I agree. The tattoo shouldn't be a big deal. I would be pissed with my wife sitting topless with a couple of dudes looking at her.


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## Crypsys

Considering I have tattoos myself, you already know my answer. Tattoo artists see all sorts of things when they tattoo. It's her body, and she can put a tattoo on if she chooses. You have the right to not like the tattoo, yes. It's up to you (and your right) to decide if that is worth ending your relationship or not.

My wife has a few tattoos on certain parts of her anatomy as well. It didn't bother me her getting those any more then having her go to her male OBGYN.


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## martino

Not cool at all in my opinion. Looks here like one person's trash is another's treasure, I wouldn't like that and for her to not even solicit your opinion shows what she thinks of your marriage. And don't compare it to a doctor visit, that's just dumb.


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## michzz

So when I decide to get a bone in my nose and my wife doesn't like it because I didn't inform her first, should I be annoyed since it is my body and she should have appreciated that I did it for her?

Or maybe should I talk to her beforehand and ask her whether she would like to see me with a bone in my nose for the rest of my life?

At the very least I'd have her opinion on what she thinks about bones through the nose before I go ahead and do it thinking it would turn her on.

Because, really, removing the thing will be difficult and leave a hole that will make my nose whistle with every breath.


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## Marduk

Roll with it about the tat. It's her bod, maybe it's been a fantasy thing for her for a while that she wanted to share with you.

Ask her specifics about being topless. Was she really? Was she covered up? What are your boundaries here? Express those, but gently. 

All in all, be excited for her but set boundaries about other dudes. That's what I say anyway.


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## Marduk

michzz said:


> So when I decide to get a bone in my nose and my wife doesn't like it because I didn't inform her first, should I be annoyed since it is my body and she should have appreciated that I did it for her?
> 
> Or maybe should I talk to her beforehand and ask her whether she would like to see me with a bone in my nose for the rest of my life?
> 
> At the very least I'd have her opinion on what she thinks about bones through the nose before I go ahead and do it thinking it would turn her on.
> 
> Because, really, removing the thing will be difficult and leave a hole that will make my nose whistle with every breath.


What if you wanted to get an earring? A tattoo? I think there's a world of difference between facial mutilation and a small tattoo.


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## michzz

marduk said:


> What if you wanted to get an earring? A tattoo? I think there's a world of difference between facial mutilation and a small tattoo.


I used hyperbole on purpose. One man's cool bone through the nose, is another man's facial mutilation--capiche?


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## cherrypie18

Tattoo artists see breast and other private parts daily so that should not be his biggest concern. 

Agree with michzz, everyone has their own concept of beauty, in some cultures its tattoos, some piercings, others consider overweight women to be beautiful, and others skinny, bones through nose, penis, rings on neck and such.


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## Marduk

michzz said:


> I used hyperbole on purpose. One man's cool bone through the nose, is another man's facial mutilation--capiche?


I get what you're trying to say, and I see your point. My point is that a small tattoo that is easily hideable is different from a facial thing that everyone sees all the time and could impact the family for the rest of your life.


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## blossom74

I got my first tattoo at the beginning of the year and my second a week ago. I would have gotton them a lot earlier if I knew I would not be allergic to the ink (ie: before I met my husband). I did tell my husband I was getting one and he didn't seem to mind too much. This is my body, he does not own it, I did not sign it over to him when I signed my marriage certificate. They are not obvious tattoos that would embarrass him when we have to go to formal functions. I did them for me, he loves me regardless.


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## dblkman

To me this issue would not be about the tattoo as much, it would be about the lack of respect she has to at least come and let you know her plans. If you are darn determined to do it, FINE but at least let me know about it first.


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## Someone99

Tattoos make women look cheap and ****ty. I would be pissed at my wife if she did this and ignored how I felt. Tattoos are for trashy women with no self respect. Why would you purposely mutilate your body? ESPECIALLY if your spouse (who you should SHARE your life with) does not like it??


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

i myself do not like tattoos on women. i would suddenly think the most beautiful breasts i had seen suddenly became not so appealing any more.

i do think it would be no big deal having a male tattoo artist as they see things on a daily basis and its no big deal to them.

what i do find quite amusing though is how people on here say "well, its her body to do as she wishes" but then turn around in other threads and say "you are supposed to be one in the same" :scratchhead:

i dont think the good and wonderful people here would only think certain things when it suites or benefits themselves


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## Runs like Dog

I have registration marks all over my body
The Use Of Tattoos In Radiation Therapy Treatment
Forty-four of them in turquoise. They are mad sexy. 

A woman I know got a very elaborate tatt to cover over some remarkable skin graft scars.

I guess my point is, if artwork is the least of your problems you're doing ok.


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## justaguy2

I agree that tattoos make a woman look cheap, and I've told my wife as much (in as nice of a way as possible). She has a tattoo that she got when she was 18. Unfortunately, it's enormous, but at least it's on her lower back and is only visible to others when we go the beach and such.

Some here (mostly women) will tell you it's her body, and that it's too bad for you. In some ways, they are right - you can't stop her. But, if you wanted to permanently alter your appearance in a way she would hate (say, you decided to get lazy and put another 5-6 notches in the belt with no intention of ever taking the weight off), something tells me they'd have some empathy for her.

The fact is, when you're married to someone, you have some say in how he/she presents themselves because it also reflects on you – especially if it’s a deliberate, permanent change, such as with a tattoo. She should have told you about it first, at least as a common courtesy.

Had you never talked about tattoos before so as she would honestly not have known you wouldn’t have liked it? Do you think she would have done it anyway if she knew how you felt ahead of time?

There’s not a whole lot you can do about it now. Hopefully, she can still wear a dress without it being visible. I told my wife a while back she is free to get another tattoo if she wants, but by doing so, I will take the liberty of buying myself the motorcycle that she doesn’t want me to have (It's my body, after all, right? - I have plenty of life insurance). Marriage is all about compromises.


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## FloridaITguy

dblkman said:


> To me this issue would not be about the tattoo as much, it would be about the lack of respect she has to at least come and let you know her plans. If you are darn determined to do it, FINE but at least let me know about it first.


This. I went through the same thing in October and posted about it and promptly got shredded by the 'it's her body, get over it crowd' 

I don't want to hijack this thread at all, but this is how it's been since. I lost 30 pounds in the few weeks since she got it, just couldn't eat. We did talk about it and realized there was a whole lot of things we SHOULD have been talking about and doing over the past several years of our mariage, so it wasn't an altogether bad thing.

Since then she has a new job where she can wear sandals, oops, she has to hide it, so no sandals. Our 6 and 8 year old girls constantly talk about how they can't wait to get tatoos 'just like mommy', not a fan of that at all, but I keep my mouth shut. She still says she's getting it removed, costs money, etc, told her I would quit smoking which would more than cover the cost. I think means to, just isn't going to actively do it.

I can't go in the bathroom when she's there because it kind of 'draws the eye' and I just don't want to see it. it's not discrete, imagine covering half of the top of your foot in electrical tape, even though I know not to look, it catches the eye. Even now, every time I see it I feel like I've been punched in the gut. 

She had one before we got together an I have no issues with that. She brought up getting another one months ago and I told her I'm not a fan and wish she wouldn't. She came home with one and said that she thought I wouldn't care (knowing I would). 

6 months later and 'just get over it' isn't working. It's probably 20% tat, 80% her just not having enough respect to tell me beforehand (or during). Not going to get into everything else, details are probably still available in my original post. 

It's permanent, when you are in a comitted relationship, you should make these decisions together and if your husband, wife, significant other, whatever has issues with it, you should either defer or leave them first. Just getting it thinking they will 'get over it' is horribly unfair to the both of you.


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## Syrum

I think if you want to seriously alter your body, you can, but be prepared for the fact that your partner may not like it, and may find what you did very unnatractive.

I would never do that to my SO, I value his opinion above every one elses and want him to be attracted to me. I won't even cut my hair if he doesn't want me to. But that's just me.


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## the guy

If it makes you feel any better I'm still wraping my mind around the genital pircing my wife came home with with out asking. That was after the tonge pircing she got with out asking, then before that it was the belly button percing.
No tatooes though, should I feel lucky? 
all three piercings haven't been in for over five years. so yes I quess compared to a perminant thing like a tat. I quess I am llucky.

But that whole "who did the genital peircing" has me.....


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## FloridaITguy

_so after the first couple of piercings you didn't talk about it? Piercings are different I guess since you can just take them out, but, gotta agree on the genital one. Probly should have mentioned that beforehand...
Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

My husband also does not like tattoos at all. I have no desire to ever get one anyway, so all is good. 

I can't see why a married woman would do such a thing to her breast KNOWING her husband feels this way beforehand. After all isn't he the only one who gets to enjoy her breasts. I think it matters a great deal how your spouse feels on something like this, most especially in a private area where ONLY your spouse has access too anyway. (or should)


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## the guy

I had a pretty unhealthy marriage for 13 yrs . Hell talk... what was that? she did her thing and I did mine.

Now that I think about it she may have done it to get my attention. It didn't work, but the 20 guys she slept with did.

Sorry for the thread jack sstew.


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## SimplyAmorous

Star said:


> I’m not saying that all people should like tattoos but to brand every woman who has one as looking “cheap” is small minded, harsh and very judgemental, I feel if someone wants to judge a book just by its cover then my guess is that they are probabaly not worth any of my time nor worth knowing, I have met some very interesting people in my life (with very surprising “outer covers”) and this has taught me never to judge someone by the physical, after all it’s what is on the inside that really matters and there might just be a heart of gold in there and ink will never change that.
> Rant over, Lol


I don't judge anyone with tattoos, if my husband wasn't against them, I may have even got a small one with a friend once- just for something to do, but I took his wishes into consideration. It was not something that was screaming within me to do however. If it was, I know me well enough, I would have went out of my way to persuade , but Yeah, I think it should surely be talked over beforehand -without surprises. I think that is being respectful of your spouse. 

One can NEVER judge a book by it's cover in this crazy world. I was watching Secret Millionare the other night, these guys in this episode dressed like Gangsters, I said to my husband if I seen them walking towards me on the street, I would be turning the other way. They were the most LOVING giving bunch of men - working on behalf of there community, these ROUGH looking characters shed tears when they were handed a check for redoing a large city mural that has been desercrated by graffitti . It was so very touching. 

My step father was the WORST Alcoholic I had ever known, but he also had the BIGGEST heart of anyone I had ever seen in my life of 44 yrs. Every time I hear that old Hollies Song "He ain't heavy He's My Brother" I think of him & get choked up. That is how he looked at his fellow man, taking in prostitutes off the street , ANYONE who was homeless, he opened his door. Some of the things he has done for people who have mistreated him -will never cease to amaze me. Heart of PURE UNSELFISH GOLD, I am pathetic in comparison. 

After his death, I have even gotten in fights with some of the super spiritual who would dare tell me this man would be denied Heaven.


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## Mike188

When I read this something different came to my mind. And then reading the responses by other women telling you to get over it, it's her body, etc only reinforce those feelings.

How old is your wife? Could this be the start of a mid-life rebelling period where she will seek out the opinions that reinforce her independence at the detriment of her marriage? Is she about to start caring less about what you have to say and more about what her friends have to say?


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## Runs like Dog

Well it's clear no one is going to change OP's opinion on the matter. He hates it. She's got it. And short of several thousand dollars of laser treatment there's nothing he can do about it.


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## michzz

Sure, we all ultimately are in our own skin. However, if someone gets a tattoo, a piercing, heck, a bone in their nose,; knowing their spouse won't like it? Deliberate thumbing their nose.

Result could be a widening gulf between them.

Worth it?

Depends, is that the intent?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wonder

when i met my ex husband, i had 1 tattoo and only a few ear piercings. i wanted more, but i knew he wasn't too fond of them (there wasn't anything he could do about the tatto and the ear piercings didn't bother him), so out of respect and consideration for his feelings I didn't get anymore. when we seperated, all bets were off. I got 2 tattoos and a nose ring. after the divorce was finalized i got another tattoo. when we recently talked he said he wasn't thrilled with the new tattoos and piercings and asked why did i get them. i told them because i always wanted more. he said that even though he never liked them he never would have stopped me from getting them during our marriage and i said i respected his ipinion on them and because i loved him i didn't get anymore during our marriage. i still love him but it was time to do things for me.


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## Rob774

Quite amusing comments on here. Some people have allowed their personal opinions to make harsh comments. "Tats make women look..." Seriously? Perhaps you feel that way, and you are entitled to that opinion. But i read the OP's opening salvo 2x. And here's my conclusion. 

A. He says he against Tats, well did his wife ACTUALLY know he was against Tats??? I mean if the subject never came up, how would she know?

B. He say it was a tiny flower - right? So if she had to remove her bra, that means its positioned where it isn't exposed regularly for anyone else besides her lover to see. A tiny flower we are talking about fellas, not an enormous tramp stap with the words "HIT THIS HARD" with an arrow pointing downward.

C. Tat artist seeing her breast. Please, dude see's breasts everyday, part of the job. Not like he pulled his camera. He should feel some type way if the cashier at the supermarket saw her breasts, not the guy whose job brings him into contact with them

My wife has two tats, yes we discussed it first, but as long as they are tasteful, no big deal. The OP's wife was excited to show him this and he ruined that moment for her by overacting. And btw, in regards to a tiny tat that's hidden... it is her body.


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## psionivy

You know it may actually surprise her to tell her you are ok with it. She is her own person and does have a right to her freedom of expression. If it were me I would ask myself if this is a big deal or little deal and as long as its small and she can cover it up then really is it a deal breaker???


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