# vibrators-catholic guilt



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I love watching my wife squirm when she uses her toy and I love to use it on her. She continues to say that “she likes me better” and resists. She has also made references to “only after a couple of drinks” There are a couple of instances where she is comfortable with it but, many times she seems self conscious about it. She denies it but, her actions/comments indicate otherwise. 

Because sometimes come quickly and I like sex to last longer I would like to alternate between me and the vibrator(s)-including insertion. According to her the O’s are better when she has something to grip on. 

I think that catholic guilt still messes with her. Any suggestions?


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Multiple things could be going on...

-Guilt (ingrained notions from parents/religion/peer pressure)
-Embarrassment (what do I look like when he does that to me, does he think badly of me because I enjoy it, etc....)
-Worried that you will think she likes the toy better, and feel jealous
-The toy may be revved up too high and makes her overly sensitive
-Pain (too big, too long, texture is uncomfortable)
-You could be using it too forcefully on her.
-The toy itself could be desensitizing her too much to be able to alternate between you and it. The vibrations can give you a numb feeling after a while if they are higher than you like.

For a long time, my husband would use a vibrator or other toys on me. I loved that he wanted to do this for me, but I would cringe, because he would use the toys on me the way he had seen in porn videos...not the way I would actually use them if I was pleasuring my own self, in privacy. 

If in private, there is no 'thrusting' away. I am like your wife, I need something to grip onto. So, I have a certain vibrator that has a texture that works for that. I slip it in, and it stays there while I use a finger or Cyber Flicker for clitoral stimulation. It's not dramatic or even interesting to watch...certainly not the grand show that it is in a porno. Although many women like a thrusting motion, many prefer it to be still, using their kegel's and just having an overall sensation of being full.

My husband on the other hand, wanted to pretty much bang me with the vibrator. Well, that's not comfortable if it's a harder one and if it is done too deeply. A penis gives and has an amount of flexibility, while most vibrator materials are much more rigid. It can be downright painful. 

I didn't say anything for a very long time, instead, I would try to cut the sessions short or rush them along. I was silly, and worried that it would hurt his feelings if I said something to him. I was, like so many women, suffering from martyr complex. Better to sacrifice my pleasure than to risk hurting someone else's feelings. It really doesn't work out well that way though, does it?! 

That might not be the case with your wife, but it doesn't hurt to try to have a more open conversation with her about it...but not during. Emotions are too high then. My husband and I bring up new ideas or concerns or questions when we are cuddling after. It's just when we are the most receptive to talking about it. 

I would tell her that you feel as though she might have feelings are holding her back or she is nervous to share. That you would like her to understand you are open to whatever her concerns are, even if she thinks they might hurt your own feelings. Tell her that her pleasure and enjoyment are what makes those kinds of experiences fulfilling to you, therefore you are asking so that you can become the best possible at providing that. If you explain that her shyness actually can make you feel self-conscious about your performance, it might open her eyes enough to let down her barriers and tell you what is up.

Not sure if that is helpful or not, but I wish you the best of luck!!!


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

I agree with both. 

First off, like your wife, while a vibrator makes me orgasm quickly, I much prefer sex with an actual man. Vibrator orgasms are like TV dinners. An orgasm from a knowledgeable lover is like Thanksgiving dinner. Takes longer to build but sooooooo much better.

Also I agree with Inside_Looking. When I use a vibrator on myself there is basically no movement. I hold it in the right spot for a few minutes, I sigh, I shudder, I'm done. And nobody else can find that exact 1/32 of an inch where it needs to be _and stay there!_


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## Dan Carruthers (Jul 14, 2012)

When men watch porn and masturbate or they masturbate ( while in acts or otherwise) , women complain and create mess n trbls.

but when women use vibrators(even when in acts or otherwise), plus any other "gadgets", they take it as their right..

vibrator usage is a process of masturbating...


why this irony..? ;-


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

I never complained about my husband watching porn or masturbating. 

There are many different women in the world. Not all women use vibrators solo, and not all women complain about men who use porn and masturbate. There's a distinct possibility that they are different women.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Dan Carruthers said:


> When men watch porn and masturbate or they masturbate ( while in acts or otherwise) , women complain and create mess n trbls.
> 
> but when women use vibrators(even when in acts or otherwise), plus any other "gadgets", they take it as their right..
> 
> ...


That's quite an assumption you have made, and an incorrect one at that.

I have no problem with my husband watching porn, with or without me. In fact, any of the purchased porn in the house, was purchased by me. Some for him specifically, and some more for me, and some to watch together. I personally love it when he masturbates in front of me...and I like it when he sends me a racy email telling me that he had no choice but to touch himself because he was thinking of me while we were apart.

As far as the vibrator usage being a process of masturbation...I am not sure what your point is in saying that really. Your posts are difficult to read. I apologize if English is your second language, but they are often not easy to follow. 

No one ever said when, where, and with whom sexual toys can be used. When used as a part of sex, they can be a lot of fun and add a level of excitement in a safe way. I see no more harm in using a vibrator as part of sex play than using power tools to build a house. Sure, you could do it the old fashioned way...but it's a lot more fun with power!


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Kathrynthegreat said:


> And nobody else can find that exact 1/32 of an inch where it needs to be _and stay there!_


:lol: Priceless! :rofl:


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Find out what the church says about that. Talk to your priest...if she's to embarrassed to go, then go by yourself. I'm pretty sure (could be wrong) it's "okay."


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Unfortunately we are taught that sex is bad bad bad growing up then we are told if you don't have sex in marriage....bad bad bad. Very confusing.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I was just watching a kids movie where a 16 year old's mom found a girly/nudi mag. 

Her shamed her son with a rant about how this kind of exploitation made HER feel bad. 

Our media sends very mixed messages. Sometimes condoning promiscuity other times shaming natural sexual expression by men and women of all ages.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Unfortunately we are taught that sex is bad bad bad growing up then we are told if you don't have sex in marriage....bad bad bad. Very confusing.


A lot about religion is confusing....








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Dan Carruthers said:


> When men watch porn and masturbate or they masturbate ( while in acts or otherwise) , women complain and create mess n trbls.
> 
> but when women use vibrators(even when in acts or otherwise), plus any other "gadgets", they take it as their right..
> 
> ...


I will tell you one non-ironic thing. A woman can get off on a vibrator and turn right around and have another orgasm with her husband. And she can do that for hours if she had enough reason / incentive / time. She is PHYSICALLY capable of doing it (actual preferences aside).

Male orgasms do not work that way. There is a limit, the refractory period, during which it is PHYSIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for a man to orgasm. If a man has other issues, such as low T, then it's enough that he won't want more than one orgasm a day, or even less. And if he achieves that through masturbation, it may take a lot to get him interested in sex with a real person later that day.

Young men in particular may scoff at this, but we all age (the refractory period for an 18 year old male can be as little as 15 minutes). But the irony is, even young men should be choosy about masturbating to porn. Do a little too much of that for hours a week, and suddenly sex with a live woman can be more than a little difficult. ED in young men is reaching all-level highs as a result. And if you want some more irony, viagra doesn't work on these young men because it's not a penis issue--it's a brain issue.

I'm sure not enough women truly understand the visual nature of male sexuality, and as a result have a hard time accepting that many men enjoy porn and most men masturbate. But there really can be 'too much of a good thing' when it comes to male orgasm--if you value sex with live women. Sorry about that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> Unfortunately we are taught that sex is bad bad bad growing up then we are told if you don't have sex in marriage....bad bad bad. Very confusing.


You might have been taught "that sex is bad bad bad growing up", but not all people were.

I was taught that it was bettre to save it for marriage.. but that it was part of a normal relationship between a man and woman.

Generalizations abounding here.


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## MonicaM (Jun 29, 2012)

I'm Catholic, and it never occured to me to blame my non preference of using toys together on that. I will say that my preference for my husband pleasing me is connected to the fact that for me, toys are used when he isn't around. I'd much rather have my man hold me, and make me feel loved, and wanted. If I only wanted an orgasm, I'd get a toy. But I want love, so I prefer my man. 

I have never used a toy with a man, because he would get more pleasure from watching me, than I would from using it. Even if he used it on me, I wouldn't like that. I'd feel like I'm just there for his pleasure. Sort of like when he comes too soon, and I feel like a dumping grounds. 
Women put more emotion into sex than men do. Maybe your wife is like me, and wants you to love her. Not to love watching her love herself.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I love watching my wife work the vibrator. It's better than holding it for her. Seeing her face when she cums is the highlight; I'm not too concerned about how fast or slow she's going with the toy. And for what it's worth, she'll finish by holding it in a certain spot and not jabbing it in and out. So I use that as a reference when using it on her.


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## Dan Carruthers (Jul 14, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> That's quite an assumption you have made, and an incorrect one at that.
> 
> 
> ---*Absolutely a Myopic Statement...You will find many women out here , who have had complaints on men watching porn and masturbating, plus a number of threads which discussed on the same ...*
> ...



---The True Natural Power comes from The Actual Physical Contact...

Vibrator is an Artificial Stimulator, it falls into fetish as well..and women being more into it shows, they are merely interested in themselves, and are flesh driven and not for the conjoining in Natural Love...?? ponder...


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## Dan Carruthers (Jul 14, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> I will tell you one non-ironic thing. A woman can get off on a vibrator and turn right around and have another orgasm with her husband. And she can do that for hours if she had enough reason / incentive / time. She is PHYSICALLY capable of doing it (actual preferences aside).
> 
> Male orgasms do not work that way. There is a limit, the refractory period, during which it is PHYSIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for a man to orgasm. If a man has other issues, such as low T, then it's enough that he won't want more than one orgasm a day, or even less. And if he achieves that through masturbation, it may take a lot to get him interested in sex with a real person later that day.
> 
> ...




---Hmm.The Irony is on the Grievances by Women on men masturbating and Men accepting women to use vibrator and masturbate.



..Women are capable of multiple orgasms due to their *Anatomy and Physiology ..*.many women are never satisfied, with the coitus as they have with their consorts

...so they resort to masturbation in different ways...

like for eg..twining the legs while sitting in a chair gets some pleasure at the area...reading an erotic literature make them into orgasm...watching porn is another way of excitement and orgasm for Women...( watching Hetero Sexual porn, SSA Videos as well as Male Homosexual porn arouses heterosexual women )

and Vibrator is just another stimulator ...as they like the process with "power" as some woman poster mentioned...


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## Cookie99 (May 21, 2012)

Ya

It seems our parents and leaders and clergy made darn sure we were not to have sex and masturbate and have vibrators before marraige. But few made it darn clear the marriage bed is undefiled. 

Even I have the pains of quilt after years of marriage if I do not watch out just climaxing for intercourse. Why ? Years of shame after masturbating that is why. I seem to have grown out of that but I am older. Truth stranger than fiction. 

Yes good girls do have sex with their husbands with a vibrator. Save my wife turns up her nose at such a request. 

Yes I would like it to last longer too. Welcome to the party pal. cookie


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## Dan Carruthers (Jul 14, 2012)

for* iheartlife* to know and ppl likewise

--Any man can become "multi-orgasmic". It only requires a basic understanding of male sexuality and certain techniques. Most men’s sexuality is focused on the goal of ejaculating, rather than on the actual process of lovemaking.---

read further..

Male multiple orgasm and becoming multi-orgasmic


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

I would love to watch my wife masturbating...sadly she doesnt do it..because it has something to do with....SEX!

Sorry - forgive me for swearing. I'll go and wash my mough out with soap. Sorry....sorry


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

thye both give you two very different feelings.
personally there is no room here for one!
if you are letting her use it than question her using it, shes going to become self concsious about it and want be able to enjoy like she normally would.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

> Kathrynthegreat;971698]I agree with both.
> 
> Also I agree with Inside_Looking. When I use a vibrator on myself there is basically no movement. I hold it in the right spot for a few minutes, I sigh, I shudder, I'm done.



That is EXACTLY what my wife says...that using a vibrator is no big deal and it is over and done with very quickly. She uses her vibrator when I am not around...but is too shy about using it in front of me. I encourage her to use it, but I would LOOOOOOVE to SEE her bring her own body to the point of orgasm. 

I wouldn't mind if she used her vibrator, her fingers, a shower massager...etc....it is just SOO exciting to see the person you love in total, unbridled ectasy!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is still my favorite fantasy at this point in my life. I know she still has some religious guilt holding her back. 


Kudo's to you women who do this in front of your husbands....they are so damn lucky!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Ewwwww......I hate Catholic guilt. It ruins so many sex lives and messes with people's heads. I was raised Catholic and when I was a teenager, I had so much guilt that I wanted to become a nun.

Tell your wife that there is nothing sinful about a married couple enjoying a vibrator.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I don't think a woman with Catholic guilt would own a vibrator.

She can be sexual her own way and you two can work around that and communicate and try to figure out how to 'dance' together with or without gadgets.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Ewwwww......I hate Catholic guilt. It ruins so many sex lives and messes with people's heads. I was raised Catholic and when I was a teenager, I had so much guilt that I wanted to become a nun.
> 
> Tell your wife that there is nothing sinful about a married couple enjoying a vibrator.


Thanks! We were both raised Catholic. My Mom thought I might someday become a Priest....but I had many girlfriends and knew that was NEVER going to happen....I love a women's body...and I had very healthy outlook on masturbation. I couldn't deny myself all of the pleasures.....and I did shed the guilt. 

I wish my wife could as well....still working on it.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

How about when your wife tells you somthing believe her. You think she must want this and occasionally maybe she does but if you push it or pressure her it will not work out.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Ewwwww......I hate Catholic guilt. It ruins so many sex lives and messes with people's heads. I was raised Catholic and when I was a teenager, I had so much guilt that I wanted to become a nun.
> 
> Tell your wife that there is nothing sinful about a married couple enjoying a vibrator.


:iagree:








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