# Question for ladies on compliments



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

OK, ladies. I would like some input. Some of you know it has been a long time since I was on the market, about 14 years. My flirting skills are quite dusty to say the least. I just saw a very attractive lady while waiting in line at the post office. As I was leaving, I told her she was quite stunning. She actually looked surprised and said, "Thank you". 

My question is, "Why was she surprised?" I would think that a beautiful lady hears that all the time.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

HurtinginTN said:


> OK, ladies. I would like some input. Some of you know it has been a long time since I was on the market, about 14 years. My flirting skills are quite dusty to say the least. I just saw a very attractive lady while waiting in line at the post office. As I was leaving, I told her she was quite stunning. She actually looked surprised and said, "Thank you".
> 
> My question is, "Why was she surprised?" I would think that a beautiful lady hears that all the time.


Excellent question...looking forward the responses...


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think that people are sometimes reluctant to talk to strangers - even when you have something nice to say! 

I'm personally of the opinion that most people don't hear enough nice things about themselves. So when someone looks nice, or has something unique or something like that, I almost always compliment them on it. Since probably three-quarters of the time I'm noticing the clothes or accessories of fellow women, I'm obviously (I hope!) not flirting or even striking up a prolonged conversation, and I get the same surprised looks most of the time.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Thanks, CO Gypsy. I'm actually coming out your way next week. My soon to be ex in-laws are having Thanksgiving somewhere near Denver. A lot of them are working out there and they decided it was about as expensive to fly everyone out there as it was for them to fly home. It will be a bit awkward for several reasons. OM lives in Denver so I believe they will be making sure I don't have access to transportation. lol My soon to be ex wife is not going to go. The kids and I are going.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I am always shocked when I get a compliment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

pidge70 said:


> I am always shocked when I get a compliment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not many people give out compliments anymore.

I guess it all depends on context. At work, when complimented, I feel awkward as I'm not doing anything to get a compliment and I think it takes away from the professionalism. I still say thank you though.

At the post office, she was probably in her own bubble...and people these days DO NOT TALK to each other, so it probably just caught her off guard.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Why?


Major self esteem issues. I think I hide it well though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

What about a co-worker complimenting you on your appearance or a new hairstyle? Something real and honest.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Funny you mention hair. I just changed my blonde hair to dark red. When I went to work I got quite a few compliments. Of course my hair was all "professionally" done so I did feel good about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

now a days try giving a co worker a compliment at work, and your up the creek with a harressment charge


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

It's not common for a stranger to bluntly give a compliment like that. Most men may engage in small talk while on the check out line at the store or just silently admire her looks so, yeah, I'm sure you caught her off guard. I bet you made her day though!:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

COGypsy said:


> I think that people are sometimes reluctant to talk to strangers - even when you have something nice to say!


 I agree with this. People are not as friendly as they used to be, seems we are always in a rush, we put so much emphasis in privacy, we don't speak to our neighbors anymore. As for me, even though I don't get off the farm much-so to speak. When I am out & about, if the opportunity presents itself, if I am impressed by anothers performance in a Job title for instant (organized Friendly secretary who is detailed & thorough, Cashier who is FAST with a smile, anyone who seems to go that extra mile in comparison to so many who SUCK at their jobs) - I do compliment them -cause they deserve it ! I appreciate being on the receiving end of thier excellent job performance. And I know they appreciate hearing that , they should! More people should compliment - at least in this type of scenerio. 



> OK, ladies. I would like some input. Some of you know it has been a long time since I was on the market, about 14 years. My flirting skills are quite dusty to say the least. I just saw a very attractive lady while waiting in line at the post office. As I was leaving, I told her she was quite stunning. She actually looked surprised and said, "Thank you".
> 
> My question is, "Why was she surprised?" I would think that a beautiful lady hears that all the time


Here is what I think.... many women are uptight, and if they are very good looking, they are generally used to the gawks, the compliments coming there way, they will appreciate them LESS than someone who is not so HOT - this is for sure, or it makes sense anyway. 

The really HOT ladies may even resent it & immediately think ...."I hope he is not a stalker", so you gotta watch how forward you are with those ones ..... of coarse if the man is CUTE, she might want him to be! I think we all will start to wonder..."hmmmm why did he say that to me?". 

I think for the most part , whether women will admit this or not, they ENJOY the compliments.

I think the last compliment I got from a complete stranger was last summer at a FleaMarket, I was buying gum off this guy, husband was elsewhere, and he says to me "You are very pretty". Yeah, caught me a little off guard, can't even remember what I said but I know I smiled, then ran & told my husband. But of coarse I wonder...was he hoping for me to strike up a conversation, was that his "bait". I don't know! Or was it just that --he goes around and speaks like that to many many women throughout the day as he sells his stuff, I could have been one of 50. 

I will never know. But sure, It gave me a smile that day.  I am in my mid 40's, so it is nice to feel I still got it going on. That will be fading more & more as the years roll by, so I will take them!

I just told my son's roommate (and him in the same breathe) just 2 days ago -that whomever wins thier hearts as women and snathches them up with be the luckiet most blessed women around. . When I compliment, I do it well. And I mean it too. I am generally NOT a flatterer.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

My "love language" is Words of Affirmation. But, I'd much rather get the compliments from my husband than from anyone else.

I do think that people today are a little less friendly and a lot more cautious about things. As much as I like to get words of affirmation, I always get slightly uncomfortable - paranoid even in some cases - when I am alone and I get a compliment from a complete stranger. Makes me watch my back all the way out to the car. It's kind of sad, really.

I do, however, freely compliment people around me that I know. Women that I work with I will compliment on their clothes or shoes, men and women that I work with I will compliment them when they have done an impressive job (I never compliment men on how they look). Strangers - well, I don't compliment them at all. Maybe I should be more friendly, don't know.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i compliment my wife when it is warranted and she gets bashful and tries to downplay it. i would prefer she just say a sincere thank you. its like she is diminishing my effort to acknowledge her appearance or efforts.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I think very few women, especially married women, get outright compliments like yours very often. Co-workers will tell you you're new haircut looks nice or that they like your blouse, but they don't say you're beautiful. Even lots of really sweet husbands, which I think mine is, give compliments more like "you look really nice tonight" or "you look sexy in that dress", but that often feels more like we've made a good clothing choice or he's looking at our boobs than that we're overall attractive women. So when a stranger says something like that it is a surprise to most women.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'mAllIn said:


> I think very few women, especially married women, get outright compliments like yours very often. Co-workers will tell you you're new haircut looks nice or that they like your blouse, but they don't say you're beautiful. Even lots of really sweet husbands, which I think mine is, give compliments more like "you look really nice tonight" or "you look sexy in that dress", but that often feels more like we've made a good clothing choice or he's looking at our boobs than that we're overall attractive women. So when a stranger says something like that it is a surprise to most women.


Not all surprises are good though - right?

So - how would you take the compiment?

Or - even better - how does "you like nice today" from a friendly co-worker - compare to "you're beautiful" to someone you don't or barely know?

I remember in college - had NO confidence in my "skills" - wondering what a girl would do if you left a note on a table or a desk as you walked by - something brief - just telling her you noticed how beautiful she was. And of course - by the time she could read and "process" - you'd be gone. Hopefully it would be received as intended - in a totally innocent way. Dont' want her calling the campus police for an escort home. Thoughts?


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Not all surprises are good though - right?
> 
> So - how would you take the compiment?
> 
> ...


I think that kind of surprise is pretty much always good, and I'd be flattered as all hell as long as the compliment didn't come from an obvious creepo who was holding his own exposed d!ck as he said it 
The "you look nice today" from a co-worker is very nice and makes me feel great, and I always appreciate it and say so. However, an unsolicited comment about overall attractiveness from someone who really has nothing at all to gain from it is completely different. It feels fabulous to be reminded sometimes that you are attractive to someone just as a woman, not because you're their wife/lover/mother/friend/daughter.
I think a secret little note like you described would be wonderful!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Thank you for the responses! Let's take it one step further. Suppose I had been further along in the healing process and been ready to explore the possibility of a date. I am starting to look at fingers to note the presence or lack of a ring. I hadn't done that in a long time because it didn't matter. I wasn't looking. lol

Let's suppose there was no ring. I feel like there is no acceptable way to approach a date with a stranger. A lady on here mentioned one time being flattered when the first man gave her his phone number after her divorce. Would that be acceptable? Or would it just be best to look for dates in more traditional ways, girls you know through other means. I wouldn't go looking for strangers, but you never know. 

Thanks for any suggestions. At my age, I need all the help I can get. lol


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> Thank you for the responses! Let's take it one step further. Suppose I had been further along in the healing process and been ready to explore the possibility of a date. I am starting to look at fingers to note the presence or lack of a ring. I hadn't done that in a long time because it didn't matter. I wasn't looking. lol
> 
> Let's suppose there was no ring. I feel like there is no acceptable way to approach a date with a stranger. A lady on here mentioned one time being flattered when the first man gave her his phone number after her divorce. Would that be acceptable? Or would it just be best to look for dates in more traditional ways, girls you know through other means. I wouldn't go looking for strangers, but you never know.
> 
> Thanks for any suggestions. At my age, I need all the help I can get. lol


I'm a little conflicted on this question. On the one hand I do think it's usually a good idea to know a little more about someone than that you think they're beautiful before asking them on a date. Beauty really is only skin deep, and maybe she doesn't have a ring because she's bat sh!t crazy and would stalk you, and not in that sorta flattering way, but in that Fatal Attraction sorta way. On the other hand, traditional ways to look for dates are usually full of other people looking for dates, so that can be slow and frustrating. Chances are she IS NOT a Fatal Attraction type stalker, so I'd say if you happen upon a total stranger again that you find so attractive you can't resist complementing her, and she does not have a ring, ask her out to coffee. Coffee is pretty low stress, and would give you a chance to get to know her a little better before committing to a full on date. If she acts like she would have liked to but can't because of schedule give her your phone # or email address and ask her to drop you a line if she finds herself with free time later. You just might get lucky!


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> Thank you for the responses! Let's take it one step further. Suppose I had been further along in the healing process and been ready to explore the possibility of a date. I am starting to look at fingers to note the presence or lack of a ring. I hadn't done that in a long time because it didn't matter. I wasn't looking. lol
> 
> Let's suppose there was no ring. I feel like there is no acceptable way to approach a date with a stranger. A lady on here mentioned one time being flattered when the first man gave her his phone number after her divorce. Would that be acceptable? Or would it just be best to look for dates in more traditional ways, girls you know through other means. I wouldn't go looking for strangers, but you never know.
> 
> Thanks for any suggestions. At my age, I need all the help I can get. lol


You might be surprised how it turns out if you are just more comfortable with talking to people that we would otherwise normally ignore. I was always really quiet as a kid, but wanted to change that, and found that some people are surprisingly approachable. Of course, some are surprisingly disturbing, also.

If I'm standing in line in the DMV, or the grocery store, I enjoy sharing a laugh with others. Sometimes it backfires, though. While waiting in a returns line at the store, some kids were moaning about boredom to their mom, asking if she'd take them for an ice cream, or buy a toy afterwards. The store was known for the ice cream stand nearby. The wait was so long, I finally said to her, "Now they've gotten me wanting an ice cream." The woman asked me in a whisper if ice cream was really what I wanted. Then she spent the rest of the time in line laughing at me for turning red, I guess.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Halien said:


> You might be surprised how it turns out if you are just more comfortable with talking to people that we would otherwise normally ignore. I was always really quiet as a kid, but wanted to change that, and found that some people are surprisingly approachable. Of course, some are surprisingly disturbing, also.
> 
> *If I'm standing in line in the DMV*, or the grocery store, I enjoy sharing a laugh with others. Sometimes it backfires, though. While waiting in a returns line at the store, some kids were moaning about boredom to their mom, asking if she'd take them for an ice cream, or buy a toy afterwards. The store was known for the ice cream stand nearby. The wait was so long, I finally said to her, "Now they've gotten me wanting an ice cream." The woman asked me in a whisper if ice cream was really what I wanted. Then she spent the rest of the time in line laughing at me for turning red, I guess.


:lol:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Halien said:


> You might be surprised how it turns out if you are just more comfortable with talking to people that we would otherwise normally ignore. I was always really quiet as a kid, but wanted to change that, and found that some people are surprisingly approachable. Of course, some are surprisingly disturbing, also.


I have always found it easy to talk to total strangers, but I generally wait for them to start a conversation, I rarely do that. I am not overly friendly but I am very easy to talk too -if someone opens it up, very approachable. I agree, many are not, this is why I don't do it ! 

We have a guy friend who is NOT a looker, he likes to give women compliments -probably too much. I tell him he needs to tone it down -he comes off as "overly friendly" and not many women appreciate this, it makes them uncomfortable. 

He is just being himself. What is really funny about this to me is...... if he was good looking, those women would LOVE it so it is so hypocritical when you think about it. 

I am of the belief, if you see something you like, if it is free, why not take a chance. I know of a couple who met in a 7-11 store, she came in for chips, he came in for coffee -they ended up married ! 

I think I read somewhere that a good way for a man to pick up a woman is in the Grocery store..... you can lie in wait till you see what cathes your eye, notice her ring finger, then go up to her and play stupid, ask about some Food dish , how you forgot the ingredients, or if she has ever tried what she has in her hand -looking at on the shelves. It would be very convincing I feel. I think it best to get them talking about "something" before you throw the "you are beautiful" at them, that could go down very badly -as many will NOT like it and feel very uncomfortable.


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