# want to marry my boyfriend/older kids



## Katie777 (Aug 11, 2015)

Ok...I love this man. Never thought in a millions years I would want to remarry. He lives 3 hours away in another state, which isn't too bad of a drive. He has a daughter about to start middle school, while I have 3 sons in high school; 2 graduate this spring and the last one will graduate the following year.

So, my question, how does one make this kind of move happen? I have custody of the youngest, the other 2 are old enough to make that decision on their own, though they are with me due to the fact their dad is an alcoholic.

There has to be a solution that I just cant seem to find.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Wait until they all graduate.


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## Katie777 (Aug 11, 2015)

So not the answer I'm looking for.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How long have you been seeing this guy?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

How long have the two of you been together? When do you plan to marry? 

I too would suggest waiting until your youngest graduates in 2 years before moving. If your plans for marriage are immediate, there's also the option of your boyfriend moving to where you are and having his daughter start middle school there. Whatever you decide to do, I highly recommend that you not move the children during the school year unless it's absolutely unavoidable. It's easier to start the school year at a new school than to drop into an established social culture and ongoing curriculum in the middle of the year. 

I have seen parents re-marry and move, leaving their older children with other relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents, the heretofore non-custodial parent, etc.) to finish up their last year or two of high school. It's not something that ever struck me as particularly healthy, though....


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Katie777 said:


> So not the answer I'm looking for.


Well, unless the kids really WANT to move, it's not really fair to take them away from their school/friends so close to the end. Certainly not fair to put them with an alcoholic dad so you can go be with a man/another family.

Just my two cents! 2 years can go pretty fast!


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Agreed wait it out, you feel so good about yourself for doing it. Yall still see each other on weekends, right? Who is initiating the marriage?


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## Katie777 (Aug 11, 2015)

I have no intention of taking my boys out of their school. My mother did that to me the summer before my senior year and I wouldn't dream of doing that to them. I do see my boyfriend most every weekend and was able to spend a few weeks with him during the summer during vacation. Ill just keep on keeping on the way we are now because he has a great job where he is. I just know how busy things will become once school and sports start. I wish there were other options. Ill wait and see what unfolds if anything.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@Katie777--if this man is really the right one for you, your relationship with him will be strong enough to last through a 2-year engagement while you wait for your kids to finish high school. If you are both truly committed to one another, it will be OK.

How well do your kids know his daughter? This is a good time to help them get to know one another (and hopefully bond!) before you and your beau tie the knot. Your boys might like the idea of having a little sister. If you haven't already started doing this, try some family trips. Spend time together--the six of you--as a family, rather than just the two of you as a couple. Your kids, and his daughter, may need time to adjust.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Complete agreement.... do not up-root your kids if they will all three be out of school in two years.

Uprooting teens in even a stable parent home has bad after effects... research is there, check it out.

If all the kids were in middle school (junior high for us old farts), that would be a pressing issue. 

Until your kids are graduated.... three hours... not that far......

1-Are both of you in same time zone?
2-Travel.... by car, train, air?
3-Make Tues / Wed night meet halfway night. 90 minutes each. 

Just make sure the kids are supervised. Also.... try to see if the kids are okay with this.....for the 

long haul. This is important.... the LTR has no guarantee of lasting but your kids.... are your kids forever.

Even if this LTR works.... if the kids situation is not handled properly.... this can leave scars for years

to come.... especially the one in middle school.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

My parents moved us, just twenty minutes to the next school district, when I was 12. They meant well. I was miserable through the process and made everyone else miserable too. When my wife and I bought our home, I made damn sure we are both willing to live in it for the next 30 years and the school district was acceptable, none of that starter home business.

Selling a home is not easy when there are teenage boys living there.


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