# Am I reading into things?



## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

I can't put my finger on it, but something seems off. My W seems to play things off, sex only happens on the weekends now. During which she keeps her eyes closed, not always a bad thing, but still seems odd. Other times it feels like I'm pulling teeth, getting her to kiss me - mornings too.

She's been working out several times a week with her best friend, lost about 20 lbs. And bought new underwear, but not something I'd say is really sexy - cotton Wonder Woman underwear.

I've checked her phone once in a while, and found nothing. Though she has acted weird a few times later at night with her phone.

If it's signs of another affair, what other signs should I look for? The only time I can figure she has time for an affair (if she actually is) is during the work day.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Does she guard her phone? Do you have all of her passwords? Do the texts on her phone match the calls/texts of your cell phone providers records? These are some things to look at. Could there be someone at the gym she is seeing? Is her friend single or maybe toxic? And one last thing: is she almost 40?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you checked her cell phone bills? See who she's texting or calling? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

Yes, she'll be 39 this year. Why?

The big problem with the cell phone bill is that iPhone to iPhone messages don't show up. Plus she's in sales so I'd never figure it out the calls.

The only thing I wasn't sure of were email on her phone, but she's left her email open a few times and I've never found anything to question.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

When women get close to 40, their hormones start changing, they start thinking about getting older. They focus on all the missed oppurtunites that they may or may not have missed. They start second guessing themselves and the rest of their lives. Hang on. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Now about the cell phone. If you can see the call / texts records, look for patterns to the same number. What time of day are they made. Are there numbers called just after you or she leaves the house? These kind of things.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

gdtm0111 said:


> If it's signs of *another* affair, what other signs should I look for?


Has she had an affair before?!


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## tuborg (Apr 16, 2014)

I've been really suspicious of my wife recently as well. Something I've noticed is that she comes home an hour or two later than she normally would some days. She won't kiss me or come close to me before taking a shower, and she throws all of her clothes in the washing machine before taking a shower. Claims she's "sweaty"...


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

tuborg said:


> I've been really suspicious of my wife recently as well. Something I've noticed is that she comes home an hour or two later than she normally would some days. She won't kiss me or come close to me before taking a shower, and she throws all of her clothes in the washing machine before taking a shower. Claims she's "sweaty"...


Now that's what a red flag looks like. Maybe time to hire a PI.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

My wife did those behaviors when she had an affair. The weird part is she never guarded her phone, even though she was texting the guy.

Sex trickled to every now and then. It was passionless and kissing just didnt happen. Check cell phone records. Look for long periods of time where there is a text conversation going on. Also, if you call her cell and it gives the noise that tells you shes on the line, mark the time. If she is talking to you and another call comes in, if she takes it, mark the time.

If you see a patter with a particular number, that should be a red flag. Also, get a voice activated recorder in her car. If she uses an iphone, try going into the search bar on the phone to find deleted text messages.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

tuborg said:


> I've been really suspicious of my wife recently as well. Something I've noticed is that she comes home an hour or two later than she normally would some days. She won't kiss me or come close to me before taking a shower, and she throws all of her clothes in the washing machine before taking a shower. Claims she's "sweaty"...


Forget red flag. Thats a guy with a bullhorn screaming as loud as he can, standing in front of bright neon signs telling you shes cheating.

Shes "sweaty" alright. Its just mixed with man smell. 

Have you inquired about her whereabouts during this time she comes home late? I suppose if shes using the sweaty excuse shes at the gym. A simple drive by the gym can verify that.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, send you wife an email or text and tell her that you need to have a serious conversation with her.

When you 2 meet up, tell her that she has been distant as of late and you are concerned.......and everything else you feel.

Watch her reply CLOSELY (face expressions, what she says, how she says is, body language etc).

Get a feel for your gut when she replies and listen to it.

I wouldn't assume worse case scenario yet but fact that she lost 20+lbs probably makes her more noticeable to men and she might be getting more attention/playing with fire.

Let us know how that conversations goes......and your feelings about it.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yes this could be cause for concern. As my x wife started her affair she did all of these things and more. I thought she was just going through a phase buying new clothes and underwear, new haircut, new makeup. Then their was the cell phone, she was guarding that like it was "her precious" and at the time I didn't have the boundary of all passwords need to be known. She was texting all the time, to the OM as I would come to find out. 

Point being is drastic changes are for a reason. Get into her phone, Facebook, computer and snoop. Maybe you can head this off before to late


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

gdtm, does she pick fights with you? Is she overly critical of you? Has she recently mentioned or talked a little bit about some guy? Has she accused YOU of cheating? Those are some typical signs of cheating. Google "signs of a cheating spouse" and you'll come up with others.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It's quite possible an affair hasn't happened yet but obviously something has triggered this change. If it's not an active affair it could be an attraction that may lead to an affair.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

DoF said:


> OP, send you wife an email or text and tell her that you need to have a serious conversation with her.


 Disagree. She's your wife and this needs to be addressed ASAP. let her know that her attitude changes are getting to you and she needs a tune up because something is wrong. 

The longer you wait the harder it will be so sit her down and let her know what's on your mind, THEN LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAYS.

You know her better than we do so you should be able to know if she's handing you a line or not.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I didn't say "talk to her over text", just implied to give her "heads up" that you need to discuss something important.

At times, I notice that if I just jump into a conversation with my wife without stressing importance, it just doesn't become "important"?

Regardless, make sure she knows that you are serious and this is very important to you OP (however you choose to communicate that).


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

She doesn't pick fights at all, and hasn't been critical about anything. She seems supportive at times, and distant other times.

She had an affair about 1.5 yrs ago. Supposedly short lived, but we worked things out.

I've tried talking to her and she says everything is fine.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

OP, 

I experienced the same type of things about 4 years ago. I was never able to prove anything but I believe I confronted way to early and I think she was a step ahead of me for a long time. 

She was a complete b!tch for 4 years but after finding my inner alpha she has done a 360 almost. It is such a dynamic change I am almost certain something happened. 

Do not say anything yet but I would look at weightlifters tech guide post to start with. Apple products are a cheaters dream. I hate them.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Not sure if this will be helpful, but at this point you should think about not saying anything and get down to business of finding out what you need to know.

First of all, think about what you want. You say you worked it out last time. What do you want if there is affair "#2"? Do you want to reconcile again or just get out? What YOU want should be the most important focus to shape your actions.

What were the consequences to your wife the first time around? Her actions do seem like something is up so she might be testing the boundaries again.

Depending on what you need for 'evidence', then don't talk about your feelings/suspicions as that might cause your wife to hide things better.

Get a VAR for her car and another one for the place in your home where she would take private calls. Maybe a GPS for her car or the Find my iPhone feature to track if she does go to the gym or not.

If she uses a computer for communicating, then maybe a keylogger will help get more info as well.

Good luck.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

gdtm0111 said:


> She doesn't pick fights at all, and hasn't been critical about anything. She seems supportive at times, and distant other times.
> 
> She had an affair about 1.5 yrs ago. Supposedly short lived, but we worked things out.
> 
> I've tried talking to her and she says everything is fine.


So she had an affair. Did you find out or did she tell you?

Was it swept under the rug or dealt with out in the open?

Have you upped your sex rank since her affair?

Are you in shape? Doing things on your own?


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