# Immature?



## Reagan (Oct 7, 2010)

Fellas, 
I need a bit of help. Been married for a few years. Wife is great but certainly has her moments. Biggest recurring theme is this concept of how I am a goofball or immature and that she doesnt want to be known as the goofball's wife. She loves how I am out of the box, witty, fun, goofy within reason, etc. BTW, I am in my early thirties, am a successful attorney and we do well. With that said, she gets on my case about how I am always the one making dumb faces in pictures at weddings or the one who makes unnecessary comments to others (my own circle of friends) that comes off as either unnecessary or not classy (as she sees it). Its a situation where it is kind of pointless to get into details but it is getting very annoying. Your own wife telling you "i want to be attracted to you but I can't be sometimes because I see you act like this in pictures, or not to say stupid things to your friends". Translation - she wants me to be funny, witty, charming but when the time calls for it. She doesnt want me to have this general sense of happy go lucky say what I feel cuz these are my best friends mentality. Help. I can't take this.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Reagan said:


> Fellas,
> I need a bit of help. Been married for a few years. Wife is great but certainly has her moments. Biggest recurring theme is this concept of how I am a goofball or immature and that she doesnt want to be known as the goofball's wife. She loves how I am out of the box, witty, fun, goofy within reason, etc. BTW, I am in my early thirties, am a successful attorney and we do well. With that said, she gets on my case about how I am always the one making dumb faces in pictures at weddings or the one who makes unnecessary comments to others (my own circle of friends) that comes off as either unnecessary or not classy (as she sees it). Its a situation where it is kind of pointless to get into details but it is getting very annoying. Your own wife telling you "i want to be attracted to you but I can't be sometimes because I see you act like this in pictures, or not to say stupid things to your friends". Translation - she wants me to be funny, witty, charming but when the time calls for it. She doesnt want me to have this general sense of happy go lucky say what I feel cuz these are my best friends mentality. Help. I can't take this.


Show me a picture and I can decide!

Maybe she just wants you to act more business like in public, but at home, you can goofy as hell!!!


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## Reagan (Oct 7, 2010)

I'm sure that may be part of it. I'm so serious all day at work it's hard not to let loose. Don't get me wrong - I'm not acting like a clown. It's just that there may be a picture with my 8 buddies and they will all smile while I have my tongue sticking out (nothing out of control or inappropriate). But it's the way it's conveyed that pisses me off: "I want to be attracted to you but when you act like this, it's hard; c'mon you are 33, act it..." - exactly 33, I have my whole life to be 70 and boring.


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## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

Reagan said:


> Fellas,
> I need a bit of help. Been married for a few years. Wife is great but certainly has her moments. Biggest recurring theme is this concept of how I am a goofball or immature and that she doesnt want to be known as the goofball's wife. She loves how I am out of the box, witty, fun, goofy within reason, etc. BTW, I am in my early thirties, am a successful attorney and we do well. With that said, she gets on my case about how I am always the one making dumb faces in pictures at weddings or the one who makes unnecessary comments to others (my own circle of friends) that comes off as either unnecessary or not classy (as she sees it). Its a situation where it is kind of pointless to get into details but it is getting very annoying. Your own wife telling you "i want to be attracted to you but I can't be sometimes because I see you act like this in pictures, or not to say stupid things to your friends". Translation - she wants me to be funny, witty, charming but when the time calls for it. She doesnt want me to have this general sense of happy go lucky say what I feel cuz these are my best friends mentality. Help. I can't take this.


Being married to a goofball myself, I can relate.

My H's sense of humor is one of the things I love about him but also one of the quickest things to get on my nerves.

Goofing off in moderation would be ok, when it starts to get excessive, then it becomes a problem.

So IMO, humor is great, timing and frequency is key.


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## Reagan (Oct 7, 2010)

Thanks ButterflyKisses - yeah, I guess so. Good advice. Just kind of sucks becuase I am who I am. I can change certain things but not the core of who I am. I'm all for harmony and compromise but being told to basically act different than who you are when you are around me at social events is a bit much....again, i'm not a clownball, just like to be myself


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Reagan said:


> I'm sure that may be part of it. I'm so serious all day at work it's hard not to let loose. Don't get me wrong - I'm not acting like a clown. It's just that there may be a picture with my 8 buddies and they will all smile while I have my tongue sticking out (nothing out of control or inappropriate). But it's the way it's conveyed that pisses me off: "I want to be attracted to you but when you act like this, it's hard; c'mon you are 33, act it..." - exactly 33, I have my whole life to be 70 and boring.


She might have been harsh when she said it. But when people argue, they usually don't spend much time wording their sentences. 

I was joking with my students one day: You always this this this............., you always that that that.......................but they have done it only a few times, not always....................

I have a friend, she is very pretty, she likes to make funny faces when we take pictures, and she wants us to do it together, just not my personality to do it. 

My husband is very humorous, we like men who are humorous. Your job is exhausting, I understand. If I were your wife, I would require you not to stick out your tongue, isn't that impolite in US? Some people might be offended, some people might not find it funny. What you think is funny may not be funny for them.

Anyway, communication is important, please sit down and talk to your wife calmly. She might apologize for what she said, but it doesn't mean she likes the way you goof in public!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sorry, Reagan, but I have to throw my lot in with your W on this one-there is a time and place for everything, times when you can be the biggest goofball on the planet, and times when you have to be a gentleman. I love to clown around myself, but I also know that there are certain situations where I have to cool the jets.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

No.

The danger here is nothing to do with your humor.

A woman is not wanting to feel like she is married to a boy, but that she needs to feel like she is married to a man.

The solution is simple.

Continue with your humor exactly how you see fit, maybe even more so actually.

And look for the next time your woman is going to call you on it (she will, just be prepared).

And then stand your ground firm and confident, that you are who you are without apology.

This is showing her she is indeed not married to a boy, but a good man that loves and enjoys and expresses humor. This is what she is wanting to feel.

Win win.

Do not be sidetracked by the humor. The issue is to see that you are willing and confident to stand for yourself. 

I wish you well.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

A MAN? 

Immature?

They don't go together, right?

MAN + HUMOR , YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A good marriage actually needs a lot of humor and laughter!!!


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Unless you were not like this when yall were dating, I wouldn't change a thing. As a fellow goofball, it's the one thing I refuse to change in this life. Life is much too short and waaayyy to serious to not have fun. You have to stand up and tell your wife that this is the way you were before marriage and it's how you are going to stay. I know if my wife ever said anything about it, I'd tell her the same thing.

I am biased though, being a goofball myself, so I may not be the best judge on this.


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## poets't heart (Jan 1, 2010)

I don't think anyone has the right to interfere with some one else's happiness! You should not be made to feel bad about being you. I have to agree with BBW on this one--stand your ground and be how you are. I have been criticized by my wife because I will be a kid with the kids. I go swimming with them at parties instead of talking to the adults. We play with each other while standing in line at restaurants. My wife has said "look, daddy is acting like he is five years old"!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I act like a child all the time. But only in front of my husband and my students. 

My world is full of kids, I am a child myself. 

My husband loves the way I am. He says I am young in heart. Yes, it is important to be goofy and funny. 

But I never want to make a fool of myself in front of other adults. Maybe I do??????????????????????????????

Whatever, I like the way I am, and nobody ever said anything!!!


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## taylor78 (Sep 4, 2010)

Your wife loves you the way you are. When your at home, goofing around isn't an issue. But when your outside with her, you should act professional and lay back on your goofy side. 
Men are immature and that's the nature of us. I'm sure your wife accepted your goofiness when she said "Yes" so I wouldn't be too worried.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I suspect that your wife doesn't have the problem with your goofiness, her family and friends do. When you made weird faces in wedding photos, ten to one, "bridezilla" went after your wife and lowered the boom on her about how you ruined her special day. Perhaps others have mentioned to her about your behavior, and while she really doesn't want you to change, other's comments are starting to bother her.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> No.
> 
> The danger here is nothing to do with your humor.
> 
> ...


Absolute truth.

But - remember the key thing here.

You do not want to lose control of yourself when standing your ground.

This may be difficult, as you are clearly upset about her riding you. It may feel like the "straw that broke the camel's back" the next time it happens.

BEFORE it happens, strive to see it differently. It's now a moment for you to teach her more about who and what you are. But, you cannot appear "eager" to do this.

Reserved - calm - strong.


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