# Very annoyed



## PerfectGent40 (Sep 18, 2012)

My wife is upset that she can't go out next week with her friends on my birthday. She asked me if we didn't have any plans, if she could go out with them. I guess it's too much to ask to spend time with her on my birthday.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

That is annoying. But you might as well let her go. Since she'll be pissed off you won;t be getting your birthday BJ anyway.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Wow, that sucks. Maybe you should just go ahead and make plans to go out with friends of your own instead and have a great time anyway. The last thing that you want is to go out with a sulky wife. Why can't she make other plans with her girlfriends?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

PerfectGent40 said:


> My wife is upset that she can't go out next week with her friends on my birthday. She asked me if we didn't have any plans, if she could go out with them. I guess it's too much to ask to spend time with her on my birthday.


Is there problem for her to pick to go out, with her friends on rest of 364 days of the year?


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## CraigW (Jul 7, 2012)

Is she one of those people who feel like birthdays are just another day or is it your birthday that's just another day? 
That sucks. Too bad you can't find out where she is going and and be there with a group of people celebrating your birthday.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

OP, are you sure she's not planning a surprise party and this is her way to get your guard down? just a thought. It just seems kinda ridiculous to go out with her friends on this particular day. She shouldn't have time to go out because she is planning something for you.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

PerfectGent40 said:


> My wife is upset that she can't go out next week with her friends on my birthday. She asked me if we didn't have any plans, if she could go out with them. I guess it's too much to ask to spend time with her on my birthday.


I would tell her its ok and then I would take the next day off work and would go out myself and make sure your out MUCH later than her.

when she asks where you went just say what do you care your friends are more important than your husband!


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## PerfectGent40 (Sep 18, 2012)

It was definitely not a surprise party. She was going to go out with them a few hours after we got home. I have no clue why she couldn't go out some other day. I took her out for her birthday and did everything she wanted.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

so what's your next step? are you gonna let it go? just curious.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I would tell her its ok and then I would take the next day off work and would go out myself and make sure your out MUCH later than her.
> 
> when she asks where you went just say what do you care your friends are more important than your husband!


What would that possibly solve? Answer: Nothing. 



PerfectGent40 said:


> It was definitely not a surprise party. I have no clue why she couldn't go out some other day.


Here's a hint.

Think outside the box.

She "can" go out with them some other day.

She chose to go out with them on YOUR day. 

There's a message there, and it's very clear. 

At least to me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

PerfectGent40 said:


> My wife is upset that she can't go out next week with her friends on my birthday. She asked me if we didn't have any plans, if she could go out with them. I guess it's too much to ask to spend time with her on my birthday.



I think the only way this would be OK....if I was in your shoes... was if these ladies had something previously planned... and it was convenient for all of them to go out that night.... and your wife has the attitude & spirit of wanting to make this up to you ....

Has she given you this ?

Personally in our house... a specific Birthday is just a day... often we celebrate on one of his days off, whenever it best suits our schedules...this just makes life easier somehow. 

But her blowing you off -without any showing of wanting to make this up to you ....yeah.... pretty inconsiderate.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> What would that possibly solve? Answer: Nothing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Just ask if you can do the same to her on her birthday too?


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

Let her go and you do something totally enjoyable for you. I know it sucks but I have found that when the self centeredness bug strikes, getting your way only creates resentment.

Take it a little to the extreme. She wants to make a night of it, you make a weekend of it.


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## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

I agree with Sharkeey- clear message. I already assume that it is not a big occasion that she is attending with her friends that has been well planned in advance, etc. because you were annoyed enough to post here. Sounds like she is alittle self-involved. High maintenance? Perhaps. a little *****y? treats you mean sometimes? Just a guess. NOt being mean or jabbing at you, just saying that maybe she needs a wake up call to stop taking you for granted. If that is the case anyways.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Did the women have something special planned, like a concert that only might happen once in a year? 

If so, I'd encourage you to celebrate on a different day with your wife. But if she's just going out to hang at a bar or have a meal, then I'd say she is wrong.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Paulination said:


> Let her go and you do something totally enjoyable for you. I know it sucks but I have found that when the self centeredness bug strikes, getting your way only creates resentment.
> 
> *Take it a little to the extreme.* She wants to make a night of it, you make a weekend of it.


Extreme?? really? reverse the roles here.What happens do you think?


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## PerfectGent40 (Sep 18, 2012)

I talked to her about this morning. She said she forgot it was my birthday. 

It wasn't a concert or anything like that. It was a dinner to celebrate her friends birthday last month.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

PerfectGent40 said:


> I talked to her about this morning. She said she forgot it was my birthday.
> 
> It wasn't a concert or anything like that. It was a dinner to celebrate her friends birthday last month.


Wow man, you could just stay with your wife and become a puppy dog monkey man, or you can man up and consider a trial separation. She is disrespecting you big time, and for some reason you're low on her list of important people.

Why would you want to be with someone that treats you like that? Not say divorce here, but this happenstance is no small thing. I would not demand anything of her, but I would let her know how disrespected and undervalued you feel. See what she does, because this will be telling.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Satya said:


> As someone else pointed out, it really depends on the event she is going to and how well in advance it was planned. If it's just a night out, I'd find that behavior really disrespectful.
> 
> I would reply with, "Oh that's okay then, I already had backup plans to go and do X,Y,Z with my guy/girl friends. Have a fab time!" I always think about having a backup plan, even if it's not really set in stone. Good friends will drop everything to have a fun night out if they're free. Don't let yourself mope about, your friends will be extremely happy to treat you to a fun night. Don't go to the extreme though (no bad behavior), just have a fun time. It sends the partner a clear message that you can have a perfectly nice time WITHOUT them or their rudeness.


This is game playing and is a lie. It in fact does bother him. Why put a lying face on it? This only enables the wife to think that her behavior is okay. Tit for tat games are the last thing this marraige needs.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Satya said:


> That's a good point and I'm not asking him to lie. Tackling the problem and making it known is one thing. Letting her actions dictate his actions (or lack of).. in other words, moping when you could have a nice birthday, is another thing. That's all I am offering.


I don't suggest that he mop about it, or even make any demands. But he should let his feelings known to her, and yes, make other plans. We need to be very careful about what messages, what signals we convey. We cannot think something is wrong, then send out a signal of everythings cool.

I think that when he discovers that a birthday outing with out her was fun, he will be able to see her for whom she really is: A person taking up his space and using up his oxygen, and so why is she even in my life type stuff.


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