# Male Counselor



## ConstantSpeed

My husband and I have been married for 7 years, no children. We’ve had our issues in the past. He was hitting on other women and sexting a coworker of his as his previous place of employment at around 2 years of marriage. I know our marriage hasn’t been that great since and we will be going to marriage counseling this week. But I wanted to get some feedback on this issue as sometimes I know I can be insecure due to our past issues.

There is this woman that my husband works with that he is fond of. When she started working there he started to pay more attention to his appearance and he started coming home in a much better mood. He has mentioned that if he was single he would totally date her. Sometimes I catch him daydreaming with a smirk on his face. When I ask him what he is thinking about he gets startled and says nothing. He says all they do is talk about work. He told me that if they happen to talk about anything other than work he would tell me about it. 

We have been to a few marriage counseling sessions and this last week we brought up his coworker.The male counselor told me that if I don't have proof of his texting or sexting then I am just insecure. And that if I go looking for things that I will find them. I feel like this counselor is dismissive of my feelings -


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## ConstantSpeed

Are male therapist more dismissive ?


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## Diana7

ConstantSpeed said:


> My husband and I have been married for 7 years, no children. We’ve had our issues in the past. He was hitting on other women and sexting a coworker of his as his previous place of employment at around 2 years of marriage. I know our marriage hasn’t been that great since and we will be going to marriage counseling this week. But I wanted to get some feedback on this issue as sometimes I know I can be insecure due to our past issues.
> 
> There is this woman that my husband works with that he is fond of. When she started working there he started to pay more attention to his appearance and he started coming home in a much better mood. He has mentioned that if he was single he would totally date her. Sometimes I catch him daydreaming with a smirk on his face. When I ask him what he is thinking about he gets startled and says nothing. He says all they do is talk about work. He told me that if they happen to talk about anything other than work he would tell me about it.
> 
> We have been to a few marriage counseling sessions and this last week we brought up his coworker.The male counselor told me that if I don't have proof of his texting or sexting then I am just insecure. And that if I go looking for things that I will find them. I feel like this counselor is dismissive of my feelings -


Going by his past behaviour you are right to be concerned, and yes he is being dismissive of your feelings. Telling you that he would date her if he was single is appalling. I would be very concerned if I were you.


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## chillymorn69

Does the councler know about his past behaivor and statements?


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## David Darling

> I feel like this counselor is dismissive of my feelings


Try telling him that?


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## Evinrude58

Your counselor is an idiot


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## ConstantSpeed

David Darling said:


> Try telling him that?


I am going to


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## Diana7

ConstantSpeed said:


> I am going to


Does he know about your husbands past behaviour? If not then he needs to.


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## ConstantSpeed

chillymorn69 said:


> Does the councler know about his past behaivor and statements?


 Yes.. he does


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## Diana7

ConstantSpeed said:


> Yes.. he does


Hmm then there is no way that he should be telling you that you are insecure. 

Any normal spouse would be concerned at what your husband has done. Maybe time for a different counsellor.


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## msrv23

I wouldn't assume that it has to do with gender. Me and my husband tried a female counselor and she was dismissive of my feelings too, when I tried to explain how I felt. Our situation is typical, wife distancing from husband because she feels lack of emotional intimacy, and feels uncomfortable with husband's physical advances. One would expect women to be better at understanding what's going on, but she dismissed my emotional needs and even mocked my feelings, while she told us to get closer physically only. We decided to find another counselor that gives some importance to emotional needs too.

Some counselors might just lack of understanding feelings. Books by itself are not enough.


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