# Is this cheatin, betrayal, or fair game?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My ex friend still calls me about once a month to say hello and try to repair our strained relationship. Her daughter has been having teen trouble and is getting into drugs. 

She told me she is no longer seeing the OM but he is a neighbor so still has limited contact. 

The conversation turned to her cheating and she told me she has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had. She also slept with one of my ex boyfriends. 

In my opinion, ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends are off limits to friends. Maybe under very special circumstances this might be acceptable but not the ordinary. 

Would you mind one of your close friends sleeping with an ex?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why? Why would we consider that cheating?

Ex is ex. As in not ours any longer.

To think otherwise would imply that we somehow have ownership of them, that we haven't quite moved on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> My ex friend still calls me about once a month to say hello and try to repair our strained relationship. Her daughter has been having teen trouble and is getting into drugs.
> 
> She told me she is no longer seeing the OM but he is a neighbor so still has limited contact.
> 
> ...


I think I have an even more profound question for you...

WHY do you even talk w/ this woman?!?


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> I think I have an even more profound question for you...
> 
> WHY do you even talk w/ this woman?!?


:iagree:

180 is not only for cheating spouses but also sociopathic friends. No contact.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I just think it's common courtesy to ask a friend if you can date an ex.

I don't have daily contact with my friend as she lives in another state. Our daughters are the same age and her daughter is having trouble. 

Yes, she is still my friend, just an untrustworthy one who I limit only to phone conversations if you must inquire. 

I would not sleep with a good friend's ex. THAT was my question. It seems like a betrayal to me.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I agree an ex is an ex. 

Now if you were asking what you thought about finding out that your friend slept with your ex while you were not ex's then that is a different story and I agree it is wrong.

I just think that it shouldn't matter as you are not together anymore. Of course if the deed happened the same night you two parted ways I think a bit of decorum is required here and that a boundary is crossed and yes that would be wrong. I believe that a friend should have some time pass before the two decide to mutual consensual adult fun. I admit, although it would possibly hurt and bother me (just depends on the situation how I would exactly feel), I could excuse it as I have no claim to someone that I am not in a relationship with (unless of course it was just down to throw it in my face). Then I would have two ex's more to deal with (friend and partner).


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I wouldn't date a friend's ex, just too many fish out there to get involved in weirdness. But I think the much greater issue is that your friend has questionable character and can't be trusted. That's why I wouldn't keep her around.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

While it's not something I would necessarily set out to do, I don't see anything wrong with it, personally. Like a couple others said... he is your ex. He is available. It might be awkward, especially if she was privy to secrets a such, but he is fair game, as long as not involved with someone else. 

My cousin married the first guy I ever slept with. Doesn't bother me in the least.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I don't have any friends who have been my husband's ex nor have friends who are my ex. Having friends who have been ex of friends (or your spouse's) exposes one to awkward situations. I don't like stress in my life. I avoid such friendships.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I wouldn't date a friend's ex, just too many fish out there to get involved in weirdness. But I think the much greater issue is that your friend has questionable character and can't be trusted. That's why I wouldn't keep her around.


I dated my wife's best friend. But I didn't know until my wife pointed to her parent's cute little cottage one day and said: "My best friend's parents live there."

When I stopped coughing she asked me what the problem was and I told her I'd dated her some years before she laughed and said: "You poor thing! You have my sympathy. She's off her head, isn't she?"


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Rugs said:


> In my opinion, ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends are off limits to friends. Maybe under very special circumstances this might be acceptable but not the ordinary.
> 
> Would you mind one of your close friends sleeping with an ex?


It's only an issue if the ex was the dumper.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It wouldn't bother me, unless we'd parted on bad terms and my ex was going to be in my face all the time because a friend was dating him.


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I just think it's common courtesy to ask a friend if you can date an ex.
> 
> I don't have daily contact with my friend as she lives in another state. Our daughters are the same age and her daughter is having trouble.
> 
> ...


You don't share the same values. It's hard to be a good friend with someone who doesn't.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Keep your daughter the hell away from the other daughter.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It's man code not to go out with someone's ex. My experience is that women don't follow the same code.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Mrs. Gus went out w/ one of my buddies for a couple of weeks before she and I started dating. She dumped him for being a meatheaded d**che (he was), which sort of made me respect her.

After we started dating, I talked w/ him about it to make sure that he was cool w/ it, and he was. If he hadn't been, I'd have simply told him that I wasn't asking him for his blessing, but rather informing him.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

my friends and I have that gentleman's agreement Stay away from my ex and I will stay away from yours. Too many skeletons. The awkwardness too. Finally, God forbid you have trouble down the line, the last thing I want is for my gf or wife lurking around friends who they had a romantic relationship at one time with. While I have confidence in my friends, I certainly would think the chances of them re-uniting under unethical standards would be greater based on their past.

So my thoughts are yes, I have a problem with friends of mine going out with my exs. Geographically speaking, it is almost impossible for them to anyway

Further,


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Rugs said:


> The conversation turned to her cheating and she told me she has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had.


Classy gal. 




> Would you mind one of your close friends sleeping with an ex?


I wouldn't mind. I'd feel sorry for him.

Seriously, I wouldn't really care unless it was a breakup I took hard and hadn't had time to get over it.

But still rather sh*tty of her. I wouldn't mess around with a good friend's X

Question is, and sorry, I'm gonna just have to call it, why are you such good friends with a ho?


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Rugs said:


> she has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had. QUOTE]
> 
> This, by itself, would disqualify a person from being my friend.
> 
> I simply don't want these types in my life regardless of their gender.


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> It's man code not to go out with someone's ex. *My experience is that women don't follow the same code*.


I think you need to have a "trigger alert" before you write something this spot on. 

My eye tic just reappeared after reading this!


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

It's the "friend code". You never date a friend's ex. At least that's how I see it.


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## cgiles (Dec 10, 2014)

But can you date an ex's ex ? And an ex's ex's ex ?

The point is we don't own people, and we are not the center of the universe. 
We must accept the laws of the attraction, if they exist. 
Does a friend need our authorization for date a sibling ? 
If yes, where is the freedom of this sibling, did it allowed us at first to be friend with this person ?


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

cgiles said:


> But can you date an ex's ex ? And an ex's ex's ex ?
> 
> The point is we don't own people, and we are not the center of the universe.
> We must accept the laws of the attraction, if they exist.
> ...


It doesn't have to be complicated. If something seems amiss on my radar I have no problems exercising my freedom to cut someone out of my life. It doesn't impose on others freedom. 

I make no apologies in trusting my gut on these matters. Been there, done that ... with no regrets.


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## Mr Right (Oct 5, 2013)

Rugs said:


> My ex friend still calls me about once a month to say hello and try to repair our strained relationship. Her daughter has been having teen trouble and is getting into drugs.
> 
> She told me she is no longer seeing the OM but he is a neighbor so still has limited contact.
> 
> ...


No, IMO it's not right to date a friends Ex but some (alot of) people are born with NO MORAL COMPASS!!!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Kresaera said:


> It's the "friend code". You never date a friend's ex. At least that's how I see it.


Totally agree.

But, how about this:

My wife and I dated for a few years way back in high school, then went our separate ways. Not long before we got back together (after a 14 year absence, but still keeping in touch) she had gone out on a couple of dates with a guy who was one of my best friends in grade school, and who was more of an acquaintance all through high school.

Is that kosher? Does the time in between make it okay? (statute of limitations!)

I found it weird, but I suppose I wouldn't have if we hadn't got back together. I think if I was in that guys shoes, I wouldn't have gone out with her, simply because of the circumstances. I'd probably be thinking "Nope, you were a good friends girlfriend for a few years back in the day, too weird"


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## Bruticus (Dec 18, 2014)

Rugs said:


> My ex friend still calls me about once a month to say hello and try to repair our strained relationship. Her daughter has been having teen trouble and is getting into drugs.
> 
> She told me she is no longer seeing the OM but he is a neighbor so still has limited contact.
> 
> ...


to answer your question, probably. but she is an ex-friend and he is an ex-boyfriend, so.....problem solved. right?


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

This happened a long time ago but I found out recently.


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