# Jealous Husband Sabotaging Marriage by Not Working



## stormydancer (Jul 16, 2010)

I've come to loath my husband. He is jealous of my career success and because of it hardly works which is ruining our finances. Been together for 15 years married for 9 of them. We have a 8 and a 4 year old. He's a SAHD because basically he doesn't want to work and wants me to support him. I never wanted to support him but he always finds a way to quit or get fired so he's practically forcing me to support him. I'm depressed and full of anxiety but can't even afford my medicine anymore. And he could really could careless about me - he took the kids on Mothers Day to visit his family at a venue I wanted to go to and didn't tell me so I was home alone and cooked my own dinner that he said he was going to do. Everytime he does work he complains so bad until the last job he had I would silently cry when he came home from work because he demands my undivided attention and is so intense about really petty issues at work. We all vent but he was absolutley ridiculous about some of the things that he complained so intensely about. So I told him to come home because I felt I would have a mental breakdown if he uttered one more petty complaint about his job (e.g. customers tone was unfriendly or belittling). He would talk for at least an hour repeating the same thing over and over again every single day and I told him how it bothered me but that just made it worst because he would just sit there and not talk to me at all and just be silently mad. But he really isn't doing much as a SAHD. So I'm forced to do at least 70% of the househould chores in which I can't keep up with since I work full time so my beautiful home is always messy. Sometimes I hate coming home and if it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't. I would have left him at any cost if it wasn't for the kids. He claims he loves his kids and I believe him mostly. But he's sabotaging our family by not working. So it makes me question his true feelings for the kids. I might not be able to buy my girl birthday presents or even her school clothes if I don't find some money soon. I've already told him he had to go back to work and he ignored me both times. So I feel he really doesn't love his kids as much as he claims. They're not suffering yet because I've sacrificed my own wants like any good parent would do and find a way to get what they need. 

However, my dilema is I know he won't give me a divorce only because he needs me to care for him and at this point living in an "at-fault" divorce state the only thing I could claim is emotional abuse which is hard to prove. 

Has anyone been or is in a similiar situation and is considering separation/divorce or better yet is separated or has gotten a divorce?


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

When you get off work today, stop somewhere to get large boxes. When you get home, pack his stuff and put it on the porch. Then tell him these words, "G-E-T O-U-T."


----------



## stormydancer (Jul 16, 2010)

I asked him for a separation before and he just laughed and told me I needed to move to my parents and go to work from there. But I should have just packed his bags and told him to get out as you suggest. Why do I feel like some weak idiot all the time when dealing with him? Just loved the wrong person I guess.

Thanks for responding!


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, I'm not sure on the legality of just packing his stuff and sending him off. But...at the very least, some ground rules need to be laid and then stuck to. I don't work (whether this will continue is uncertain, we have to see how we're doing after the kids are back in school), but he does. I take care of pretty much everything household. I grocery shop, cook, do dishes, do laundry, clean, all of it. I might ask him to put a load of clothes into the dryer, or take them out and put them on the bed for me to fold, or to help me with something with dinner, but for the most part I do it all, and I don't mind. He gets up at 3:30 in the morning to be to work by 4:30, and works sometimes until dark (around 8 or 9pm here). So, to me, our division of work is definitely equal at the very least. I do expect him to handle some things, like car repairs and maintenance, or if something needs fixing that I can't do (a pipe or something), but even those, I will sometimes try to figure out and handle myself if possible. I also do all the kid stuff. 

Your hubby can call himself a SAHD if he wants, but honestly, as a SAHM myself, I don't really agree that he is one. He doesn't do anything that a stay at home parent should be doing. The working parent, while they should not necessarily get a free pass on doing anything at all at home, should not have to work and then still do ALL of the household chores. 

I would lay out for him what you expect him to do. "Honey, if you're going to be a stay at home dad, then when I come home from work, I expect the house to be clean, dinner to be planned and possibly even started, laundry to be done regularly, the kids to be bathed. I expect you to handle taking them to doctor's appointments, to school, and to any activities they have. You need to do the shopping, and since you're better at it than I am anyway, any maintenance and repairs on the house and cars. If you can't do all that, then you need to get a job, and then we'll split the chores equally. But I'm not going to work and then come home and do everything around the house while you do nothing. If I'm wrong about what you do, then show me. Show me what you do that I don't see." Yes, it sounds confrontational. At this point, I think you need to be.


----------



## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Here's what you can do in the mean time, open a separate bank account and don't let him know, you can use your parents address if necessary, start looking for another place if you're not going to boot him out, all this would work, of course we're only getting your side of the story:scratchhead:


----------



## Lovelife1231 (Jul 23, 2010)

I empathized w your situation to a degree. Ive been married for 9yrs and ive alwyas maintained a job or two depending on the need. My hsbnd on the other hand does seem to find an excuse to quit a job or conveniently gets fired. He does take care of the kids when they're out of school, picks/drops them off at school, and does housewrk/laundry. I consider that a fair trade, if thats how things are going to be. We discuss what he wants to do school/work but nothing solid comes from those discussions. i definitely did not know i'd signed up for this kind of arrangement and need his financial support but idk what i can do to encourage him. I do know that my hsbnd has childhood issues that he hasn't gotten help for and think this is where his problems begins. In the meantime, i am vocal on the things i want/need from him. And I just pray that god fixes this problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lovelife1231 (Jul 23, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> When you get off work today, stop somewhere to get large boxes. When you get home, pack his stuff and put it on the porch. Then tell him these words, "G-E-T O-U-T."


Easier said than done!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do it with a divorce decree.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I just did a quick little search

No Fault Divorce Vs. Fault Divorce FAQ - Free Legal Information - Nolo

This site claims that all states allow for no fault divorce. HE would have to attempt to make grounds for fault. In either case, the only thing that could happen with a fault divorce would be different allocation of marital assets. Wouldn't it be worth getting rid of him?

You need a lawyer.


----------

