# attempts to please



## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

For about three years now my wife and I have been trying to become more intamate. I have tried to carress her to get her in the mood, she says it tickles and to stop, I have tried kisses no her neck.. again tickles. I have tried to give her love notes on her cae, mirror, in the mail, hand written poems. With no effect, she claims thae she feel obligated to return the favor at times, and she is just not romantic person. I have even tried sex toys, and she stilll not feelin it. I tried spontanious dates, and she says I have to work this weekend... is there something I am missing?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I also tried to create more intimacy in my marriage. I ended up getting humiliated and resentful. 

If your wife isnt responding to your efforts, or trying anything herself, then she's not interested. Im having the same problem with my H. I used to try everything under the son to get more intimacy in my marriage and my H didnt do anything. He later told me he resented me for trying to "push" him into being intimate. After that I threw out every piece of lingerie i own and stopped initiating. It was really, really hard. I had a very high sex drive. 

My libido is a lot lower now. there's still a lack of intimacy in my marriage but it doesnt bother me as much. im not angry and only a little resentful. but im not pushing my H into sex anymore, and i wont settle for bad sex either. Im just waiting for him to do something about it. if he doesnt, well i dunno. i might leave. we dont have kids yet. but im just taking it one day at a time.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

well that's very hard for you. have a serious talk with her. know what interests her. if it is work then let her be proud of you then tell her you want 'this" for a reward. its effective to my H and me for I am more focused on financial matters and him on sex.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

yeah, i'm thinkin she isn't interested. i know the feeling


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

kuyaeye-

I read your other posts. It's obvious she has lost interest in you. It may be becuase she resents you for not wanting to adopt, or it may be becuase you are not firm enough with her - not a man's man.

However, you would be crazy to go ahead with adoption - it would simply be falling for her manipulation, the kid would suffer, and there is no guarantee that the intimacy would improve.

Her possible on-line affair is a slap in the face. You may as well move into a separate bedroom until she comes clean. You have to show firmness. Women simply do not respect a wimp - it is deeply ingrained in their nature.

Can you give more about the general tone of your relationship. How often do you have sex?


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

Yes!!! I think it is a slap in the face, I do think it is crazy to adopt at this point in our relationship... But to get her to see my point-of-view, in her word "I amd constantly attking me, my heart is broken and my spirit is crushed" those words are burned into my heart. 

We were having sex once a week if I was lucky, mainly when the "itch needed to be scratched" for both of us. Never anything spontanious. I would have to ask her lately which kills the romance instantly.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Kuyaeye,

I feel you. Your situation is the same as mine. I dont have a solution only empathy. My situation is never great but cycles between "OK" and bad. I feel like I just play a role in her life story. It was time for marriage, I was the best thing to come around and she played me. Marriage was a goal to reach and then put on the self. I'm going to ask her to go to counseling with me. If she wont go I'm going alone.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

kuyaeye-

People in your situation are always looking for a more sophisticated answer beyond - she is not attracted to you.
But there are only 2 main issues.
1)She is not attracted to you (for what ever reason, including lack of chemistry or hormones)
2)She is attracted to you (or could be), but her resentment/hang-ups are choking off her desire.

If you have no kids yet, getting out of the situation is not so hard. Please don't adopt or get her pregnant unless you feel joyfull about the relationship.

By the way, why the adoption? Does one of you have a problem with fertility?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Adopting children isnt easy it put a major strain on everyone , Adopted children come with issues that need a warm loving family to help address them ..they dont need to come into a broken marriage .
Sort your marriage out first .. wht cant she let go and enjoy sex has she always been this way ?


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

Frist, my wife cannot have kids, and she feels that I am "putting off adoption because I am focused on moving out of texas,college, then getting my national certification..." That was never the case I have always been pro adoption, but I did need to focus on those things in order to have the finacial indertaking of adoption. 

Second I do agree adopting right now with all the problems, will just strain the relationship even more and make her feel more distant.

She told me,"it feels like a competion, you try to do romantic things, and I feel I have to top then.... I am not a romantic person" 

What do I do now? I start counseling tonight, maybe there I can get some insight... oh she is not going with me...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I don't know, maybe you need a vacation and get away from the daily grind to bring some sparks back.
Being if there ever were any.


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

she works on the weekends and she says, "i am in sales, the weekends are when we get the best sales." Whiich is true, but I have thought about vacations, it mainly spent on the west coast with my family or in Texas with her family. I wont to take her away, there are so many places here in colorado to go... she just cant bring herself to take the weekend off.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Ok i can understand where your wife is coming from now the desire for her to have children has taken over everything else .. To want something so badly only hurts when you can have it .. for a woman not to be able to have children is really hard .
but timing is also really important and at this moment it isnt fair on any of you to adopt .. id take her away for the weekend surprize her just spend some timetogether talking away from the grind of life ..good luck


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

that is a good suggestion, thank you. But, I regret to say that she has left me going on 5 months now for her ex. So the reason she was not being intimate is becasue she was wanting someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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