# Now or Later?



## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

You can find my other threads which explain my situation and the waffling I've been going through about ending my marriage of 7 years. I believe that MC has been helpful in our relationship but also has shown me that I still don't feel love for my wife and I still want to end it. I simply don't feel anything when I kiss her and am not really attracted to her (among other things). I'm turning 30 next month and think about all the "catching up" I have awaiting me...

I know this will be destructive to her but I can't be guilt-ed into giving it another try. I know we both will move on and eventually be at peace with it. We both have good jobs and have no kids and no debt besides the house and her student loans. I realize the time of year, and would like to know if I should be honest now and get it over with, or wait until the holidays have passed before telling her (again, but for real this time). I was leaning towards waiting simply because initiating a divorce when the holidays are right around the corner might be a big let down for both of us.

And go...


----------



## abandonmentissues (Jun 28, 2012)

It would probably hurt her more to learn that the holidays with you two together and seemingly okay was all a lie.

I'd tell her now, but that is just me. Sorry to hear there is nothing that can be done.


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Divorce sucks no matter what time of year. Sit her down, explain your side, and get it over with. Be honest and answer the questions she will have as best you can.


----------



## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

The sooner the better - no point putting it off, it will be better for you both to get it started. You can each do the holidays with your own families individually, but that scarcely matters in the big picture.


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

After the holidays.

If this is going to slay her, holidays will always be very sad for her.

Timing is everything.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Do it NOW. Be honest with her, that is the most RESPECTFUL thing you can do for her.

There's still 6 weeks until Thanksgiving, then another 4 weeks until Christmas, then another week until New Year's. That's a lot of time to waste because the 'holidays' are coming up.

Just because you TELL her doesn't mean you have to put the actual paperwork in her stocking on Christmas Eve (instead of a lump of coal). You can make it clear that the marriage is over and that you will be filing paperwork right after the first of the year. Take the intervening time to sort through things (storage, paperwork, odds & ends) and get ready for one (or both) of you to move out.


----------



## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Thanks for the feedback so far. Some really good points about starting it now. It _will_ be a hard time either way. I definitely want to be honest about how I feel with her, or at least start to express the direction I'm heading. The one problem is that she started a new job recently and hasn't accrued any real vacation yet. And at the same time, my job schedule hasn't allowed me to take any of the holidays off this year. So essentially we'd be stuck here together without being able to go see family, but on reflection that might look like a farce in the long run anyway. However, on the other hand, it just seems like it'd be a miserable holiday season in the house, even if I were to merely prepare her by re-voicing my doubts and numbness about the marriage. Plus, I know that the day I tell her "officially" I will need to leave, so there's some planning involved as well.


----------

