# Fathers day reality check



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm a divorced father, been divorced 2 1/2 years. Both kids stayed with me after the divorce, my daughter is 20 and my son is almost 18. The ex was involved with the guy she married while we were still married, both kids had met this guy before their mother ran away with him, not as her boyfriend but as her friends boyfriend.

Anyway....Fathers day my daughter gave me a gift of a CD she had made, all songs having to do with fathers and kids. I was very touched that she went to that trouble, the kids and I have always been close but that kind of gesture from your child makes a parent feel like the king of the world.

So yesterday evening my son is going to his moms when my daughter hands him two envelopes and says give these to mom. My son set them on the table as he was getting ready so I took a look at them, each envelope had a CD case in it, one envelope had mom written on it and the other had Tom written on it. I didn't feel like king of the world any more, my guess is she made three copies of the CD, one for each "parent". Possibly I'm wrong and jumping to conclusions but I think I'm likely right.

Makes you realize how life changes when you get divorced, my life with the kids is still pretty much the same but their life has changed dramatically, they now have an entire new "family" in their life. I'm sure I will always be special to my kids, but their love has been spread a little thinner due to the divorce. The whole scenario makes me a little sad.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Your kids sound wonderful. You are making it sound like they only have a certain amount of love to give as their love is being spread thinner. To me, it looks like their love is "increasing." Also, who did you daughter originally make the CD for? She was thinking of you. The whole time she was picking those songs, she was thinking of you. The "other" parents merely got a copy. It was pretty easy for your daughter to insert one or two more CDs to make copies to give to some of the other people she loves.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Riverside MFT said:


> Your kids sound wonderful. You are making it sound like they only have a certain amount of love to give as their love is being spread thinner. To me, it looks like their love is "increasing." Also, who did you daughter originally make the CD for? She was thinking of you. The whole time she was picking those songs, she was thinking of you. The "other" parents merely got a copy. It was pretty easy for your daughter to insert one or two more CDs to make copies to give to some of the other people she loves.


My thoughts exactly. You raised great kids - both you and their mother. Loving 'Tom' if they do takes nothing away from you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> Your kids sound wonderful. You are making it sound like they only have a certain amount of love to give as their love is being spread thinner. To me, it looks like their love is "increasing." Also, who did you daughter originally make the CD for? She was thinking of you. *The whole time she was picking those songs, she was thinking of you. The "other" parents merely got a copy. It was pretty easy for your daughter to insert one or two more CDs to make copies to give to some of the other people she loves.*


My thoughts as well! 

Cooper, the fact alone that they stayed with you after the D speaks volumes. It's certainly not "the norm," as you likely well know. Being considerate of this new person in their lives takes nothing from their love for you. From this post alone it's clear to me--a stranger--how much you love your kids. I can only imagine that they see and feel that love times about a million.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I think this opens up a broader discussion of the flip side of the equation. We all hear of Evil Stepmoms and Evil Stepfathers.

What happens when that person maybe outshines you in a few departments and then wins the affection of your kids? That's a tough cookie to swallow and I think that's the jist of this post for "post-divorce life."

All I know is I was talking to one divorced woman who had a husband who beat her, was a father who wasn't around and all the bad behavir and he fathered her oldest child.

When he was sick in the hospital, the older boy was so by his side, he was up his you know what. And he had a very decent stepfather.

The point is there is something about that biological bond that's really different and if you look at it from the stepparent's standpoint, it can kind of suck that they can never be you either.

My boys seem to really dig my ex-'s main squeeze, saying he's really nice. My oldest told me "But Dad. . .I have to tell you - he's kinda fat."

I can live with a fat and nice stepparent in their life, lol. If he was Pierce Brosnan, I may have a problem, lol. I'll be the cool, bachelor, studly Dad with a different girlfriend every week. 

They need different models in their lives and someone has got to do the hard job for my studs in training


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