# Travel is an issue....



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I am new to this forum so hopefully I can get some good/sound advice. I was recently married two months ago. This is my third and her second marrige. We are both in our mid-forties. 

During the time when she was married (9 years ago) her X traveled for work. He eventually met another woman while traveling and cheated on my wife for 2 years without her knowledge. Needless to say it ended in divorce. 

So my wife has a bitter taste in her mouth regarding any type of travel. I get this...

I am in a profession (automotive) where “sometimes” I may have to travel. Before I took my current job I turned down several offers of employment because of travel requirements as to not upset my wife. This job almost has none. During my interview process it was told to me that there would be minimal travel if none at all and I told my wife this.

I have been employed here for only 4 months and have traveled overnight once and had 3 day trips (mostly to meet new customers for the first time) where I left at 7AM and was back by 5PM the same day. My wife has expressed her feelings regarding me having to travel. I understand her feelings. She told me before we got married that if I liked to travel she didn’t want any part of it. The fact is I do not like to travel.

So last week I was told by my director at work that I needed to fly to Chicago for a meeting. I left yesterday at 7:15AM and was home by 5PM. He wanted me to spend the night there but I told him I had a prior commitment (I lied). My wife was very angry. I even changed my flight to an earlier flight home as to be home sooner and she said she didn’t care. 

Last night she went nuts on me telling me that I lied to her about the travel for this company and that, again, if I like to travel then I need to reconsider our marriage..??!!?? I left the argument and went upstairs to bed. Not a good night at all. 

I feel like I am being pulled in 2 different directions. I have a good job trying to support our family yet she has issues if I have to travel every couple months. In a previous job, before I knew my wife, I travelled every week. Now this would have obviously been an issue if we knew each other at the time. Traveling to another location within a work days’ time to me should not be a huge ordeal.

She now wants me to go to my Human Resource department and tell them that I am not going to travel anymore. This to me is job suicide. I feel like I am being controlled way too much.

Any thoughts???


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## Acoa

That's a tough one. It is good that you understand the source of her insecurity. 

Have you tried MC? It could help here I think. 

In the end either she needs to find a way to trust you when you travel, or you need to not travel. Not traveling will limit your career options. MC can help with that 1st one.


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## Jellybeans

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Last night she went nuts on me telling me that I lied to her about the travel for this company and that, again, if I like to travel then I need to reconsider our marriage..??!!?? I left the argument and went upstairs to bed. Not a good night at all.


You married a controlling and insecure woman. It probably will not get better.

Tell her that it's part of your job. Either she accepts it or she doesn't but there is no need to berate you in the process.

This isn't a good way to start a marriage.

How long did you date her before getting married?


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

We dated for three years. Just last week we were talking about my schooling. I was 1/2 way complete with my Master’s degree. She asked me if I wanted to go back to school. I told her no..I said that I was comfortable with my current career. I told her with a Master’s degree comes more responsibility and possible travel. She was soooo happy when I told her I was not going to go back to school...


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## Emerald

When you were dating for 3 years, did you travel for work?


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Yes...I actually was in Japan for a week at one time...mostly overnighters in Ohio and CA....


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## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Yes...I actually was in Japan for a week at one time...mostly overnighters in Ohio and CA....


Okay, so was she upset about your traveling while dating?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Your kidding right? Going to HR and possibly getting you fired over her own insecurities? That's a bit controlling.

I had a very bad first marriage. My ex h cheated on me with several other women. That does not mean my current husband is going to cheat. I'm sure I was insecure at first, but not like your wife is. I'd never hurt my husbands career no matter how insecure I may be. He worked dang hard to get where he's at now. I trust my husband 100% also. Plus, it's not that easy anymore to look for employment elsewhere. 

I'd be putting your foot down and tell her that she needs to get use to your job duties, even if it includes traveling.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

She was never upset when we were dating...in fact it was nice know how much she missed me..coming to airport etc...yesterday she ignored me when I got home. In fact yesterday I actually changed my flight from an original arrival time of 6PM to 4PM. I did 90mph on I-94 to get to airport for earlier flight....


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby.....I agree that I feel like I am being controlled. She said something to me last week after a few beers that really scared me..she said she didn’t like me to travel because she “knows” what goes on. You get a few drinks in you and before you know it you make a mistake…then she really floored me..she said that the same would go for her. She said you know how I am when I have a few drinks (Very Flirty)…you never know what could happen...almost sounded like a threat to me:/


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## Jellybeans

What I'mInLove said!!! lol


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## Jellybeans

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She was never upset when we were dating...in fact it was nice know how much she missed me..coming to airport etc...yesterday she ignored me when I got home.


Eww.

You need to have a serious talk with this lady before it gets worse.

"Wife, when you do X (Yell at me, ignore me, tell me to go to HR, tell me I can't travel)... it makes me feel controlled/not trusted, unloved, direspected etc. Traveling is a part of my job duties. I need to do it if I want to keep my job. I appreciate you eing concerned and I know your past has made you feel less trustful but we are married and we need to trust eachother and etc."

Your marriage is new. Nip this in the bud now before it gets worse or festers,...


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Jelly---I understand...she just called me and told me that if this travel continues she will "have to do what she needs to do"...are you kidding me??

Last night we were planning an "adult" night after dinner and drinks..then when she brought up my travel she got very hostile..im not a confrontational guy. 
I speak my mind with facts and when I get yelled at I clam up and walk away…she does not like that at all…just now she said “all I did was ask you why again you had to travel and you blew up and went upstairs”. This is so not true…she blew up at me and I was not going to have any part of it because I know the wars I can win and those I cannot..so I left the room…


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## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She was never upset when we were dating...in fact it was nice know how much she missed me..coming to airport etc...yesterday she ignored me when I got home. In fact yesterday I actually changed my flight from an original arrival time of 6PM to 4PM. I did 90mph on I-94 to get to airport for earlier flight....


Sigh....so now you're risking your life (& others) on the highways due to her insecurities.

So she had no problem with your travel while dating but then the ring goes on her finger & she wants to quit your job?

Seriously?

You seem like a very smart man. You know that a marriage w/o trust is doomed to fail.

Please stand up for yourself.


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## Hope1964

My hubby cheated on me, and maybe once a year he has to go away overnight for work, for 3 or 4 days.

What does your wife do? Any chance you could take her with you on some of these trips? That's what I like to do - go with my hubby. When I can't, he leaves me notes, calls and texts me a lot, emails me his itinerary, stuff like that to let me know he's thinking of me and knows I am anxious.

I would never act like your wife is. Never. She has issues and needs to smarten up. Maybe she should see an IC who specializes in dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. Do you know what she did to heal from her first husbands betrayal?


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## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I'mInLoveWithMyHubby.....I agree that I feel like I am being controlled. She said something to me last week after a few beers that really scared me..she said she didn’t like me to travel because she “knows” what goes on. You get a few drinks in you and before you know it you make a mistake…then she really floored me..she said that the same would go for her. She said you know how I am when I have a few drinks (Very Flirty)…you never know what could happen...almost sounded like a threat to me:/


Well you got a clear picture of what your life will be like if you don't put a stop to this right now. 

You have to travel for work and she needs to deal with it THE SAME WAY SHE DID WHEN YOU WERE DATING. Let her know you're onto her game and it's not going to work. She's welcome to do what she wishes with your attitude on the matter, but you aren't changing a thing.

Also, don't put anyone elses life in danger trying to make a flight to please her. Every time you cave, you're validating her tantrums. It's good to understand why she may be insecure, but you aren't her ex. If she had hang ups this bad she should have gotten some help for it before getting into ANY relationships.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Now that I think about it she really has not healed from her X’s betrayal. She mentions it all the time to me and other family members. It was horrible. He moved from the Midwest out to CA to marry this “other” woman and they have no contact. They had 3 children together and to this day never talk.
I don’t think she is over her hurt and is taking it out on me…..


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## Hope1964

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Now that I think about it she really has not healed from her X’s betrayal. She mentions it all the time to me and other family members. It was horrible. He moved from the Midwest out to CA to marry this “other” woman and they have no contact. They had 3 children together and to this day never talk.
> I don’t think she is over her hurt and is taking it out on me…..


There you go. Do some research of your own so that you can understand what she's going through and try to get her to seek some help. She needs to do this for herself, but I highly doubt your marriage will survive if she doesn't.


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## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Now that I think about it she really has not healed from her X’s betrayal. She mentions it all the time to me and other family members. It was horrible. He moved from the Midwest out to CA to marry this “other” woman and they have no contact. They had 3 children together and to this day never talk.
> I don’t think she is over her hurt and is taking it out on me…..


Well that theory of the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else doesn't work for everybody. She has kids with a man that abandoned her and his family for another woman. That's not something the average person can just 'get over' even after months of therapy. She's still grieving what happened to her, and your traveling triggers her like crazy. It's not you at all.

She needs to get some help, that's for sure. Until that happens though, you still need to not let her manipulate you the way she has. This is her problem to deal with, put it squarely back in HER lap.


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## Jellybeans

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Jelly---I understand...she just called me and told me that if this travel continues she will "have to do what she needs to do"...are you kidding me??


Call her bluff. Tell her that a marriage can't survive on ultimatums. 

Know what I mean?

You have absolutely got to make it clear to her what your boundaries are cause this lady doesn't respect you.


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## heavensangel

I can totally relate to your wife's feelings of betrayal from her Ex. My ex was unfaithful as well. I've been with my 2nd husband for 19+ years, most of which he's traveled for work; right now he's gone 3 weeks; then home for 3 wks. 

I do have bouts of insecurity when certain things trigger BAD memories. When those feelings hit it's like your heart being ripped out of your chest all over again. It is NO picnic! My husband is fully aware of what's going on and has been a GOD send in helping me work through them. I personally have not attended IC, but neither have I demanded my Husband to quit his job. He's offered to do so, but as much as he loves/enjoys what he does (except being away from home), I'm not willing to ask him to give that up; not only would we have the insecurity issue, but resentment would be added to the mix as well. 

I would highly recommend your wife attend IC to deal with the loss she experienced in her 1st marriage; and I would recommend MC for both of you. In the meantime, do what you can to stand your ground particularly if you love what you do for a living. 

As far as ultimatums: if she's not willing to attend counseling to work on healing, then tell her to get a job that makes enough money to support you and your family and you'll be glad to be a SAHD/H.


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## 67flh

since she's said,she's got to do what she got to do, i would start protecting myself and assets..never know what nutty women will do.


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## moxy

Marriage counseling is a good idea. She can't keep you locked in your home because of fear and you are accommodating her as much as possible. As long as you're home each night, she ought to feel done trust. Counseling may help her and you to build trust that isn't suffocating.


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## suesmith

Is it too late to get the marriage annulled? If you are able to do that, maybe you can work through these issues together with a counselor and figure out if she is going to be able to move beyond these issues and build a trusting marriage with you. 

Until then, you and your assets would be safe.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I had a horrible weekend...can I post what happend on this subject even though what happened does not relate to the "travel" issue?


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## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I had a horrible weekend...can I post what happend on this subject even though what happened does not relate to the "travel" issue?


Of course. Post away......


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## anchorwatch

Vent, write it down, that helps in itself.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Where to I begin…
It started Saturday afternoon at 4PM. I received a text from my cousin’s 24 year old girlfriend asking me what my wife and I were doing this weekend. I told my wife about it and she got very angry. She was angry because my cousins’ girlfriend (who I have NO interest in) contacted me about our weekend plans. This anger lasted an hour or so. I said what are you talking about? It’s my cousins GF for God’s sake who is only 24! She said “I don’t like it”.

Then we had to leave for my brother-in-laws birthday party at 6:30. Upon arrival the beer was flowing. We left the party with no incidents around 11:30PM. She was pretty drunk.
On the way home she again asked me why my cousins GF number was in my phone. I told her with the new iPhone software (I just downloaded last week) if the other person also has a smart phone and Facebook, their data comes up when they call you such as photo and e-mail address. She did not understand and continues to harp on me until we got home. I will admit when I do something wrong. I called her “stupid”.

She then took my cell out of my have and started going through all of my messages. Mind you there is nothing in there of any importance. I asked for my cell back and she said “Go Block…cousins GF….from your Facebook”..OMG we are 44 years old here…
So (I guess “stupid” me) goes to my PC, with her drunk butt next to me, and I block my cousins GF.

Now I want away from my wife as the tension is escalating. It’s not about 12:45AM. I try to leave and she grabs me. I say let go and she won’t. I push her away and she comes back…I finally break free and I head across the street in my truck to the local bar and only sit in parking lot to calm down. I do not go in bar.

I make a couple of calls to friends to try to relax. 

After 20 minutes (now about 1:15AM) I drive back home and find her gone…car in driveway, but gone. I proceed to call her girlfriends when I don’t see her. No one knows where she is at. It’s now 2:10 AM and I go back to bar parking lot and I see owner. I ask him if my wife was up here and he says..yes….

So now I am VERY upset. I’m upset at the fact that my wife left the house drunk and went to a bar. She flirts and is very “Friendly” when she drinks.

So now it’s 2:30 AM and I’m back in my driveway at home. I go upstairs and she still is not home..NOW I’m very angry…

I call her girlfriend again and ask once more have you heard from her…Nope! 

So I proceed to talk to her GF about all the wrong reasons I married her. Maybe not a good idea but oh well. 
It’s now 3AM and I see our dog out front roaming (normally cant go outside of fence). I put him inside and go upstairs to find my bedroom door locked. Again..nice..so now I know she is home..I had an extra key so I go in bedroom and she’s passed out. 

Sunday – We did not talk or see each other. She did her thing with her kids and I did mine.

Monday…she acted as nothing happened…I was cold to her and very angry for her going to the bar….

Tuesday (Today)….We both were very quiet to each other this morning. On the way to work I texted her..”Why did you go to the bar Saturday night”? She texted back “when you are ready to talk let me know”. I am DONE talking about this as it’s not the first time. So I lied to her. I texted her that “I was up at bar in the back and observed her behavior and told her if that was me you would have yanked my butt off the bar stool and dragged me home by my ear.” Again she relied with the same text.

HELP


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## Jellybeans

Wow. Way too much drama.

You guys are acting like gteenagers in high school moreso than a married couple in your 40s.

I suspect this will only escalate unless you have a major sit down and nip it in the bud.

She needs to be less controlling and you need to stop calling all her friends t complain about her.

Marriage counselling?


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Jellybeans said:


> Wow. Way too much drama.
> 
> You guys are acting like gteenagers in high school moreso than a married couple in your 40s.
> 
> I suspect this will only escalate unless you have a major sit down and nip it in the bud.
> 
> She needs to be less controlling and you need to stop calling all her friends t complain about her.
> 
> Marriage counselling?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I agree 100% I have to stop calling her friends. My problem is that I have lost the few good ones I had due to our drama.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I feel like I am alone on an island with no one or no where to turn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heavensangel

May be opening the proverbial 'can of worms' here but I, too, would question why anyone's wife would be contacting my H for our weekend plans instead of me. Just how I am. 

That being said, you mention being 44; is your wife around that same age? Is it possible she may be in perimenopause/menopause? Not trying to make excuses here, but I'm around that same age and am showing signs of beginning stages. The one symptom that is the biggest challenge for us (H & I) is the emotional roller coaster I seem to be on. Something that didn't bother me yesterday, can send me over the edge today. Leaving my H to wonder 'WTH is going on?" The biggest indicator in your case would be if whether or not this weekend's behavior was normal for your W. If not you might try reading this book (link below). It's specifically written to give men an understanding of what to expect as their wives to through that stage of life.


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## heavensangel

Sorry forgot to include the link: 

"No,It's Not Hot In Here",A Husbands Guide to Menopause: **** Roth: 9780965506731: Amazon.com: Books


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I must agree and clarify a detail regarding the text from my cousins GF. When she texted me my W said tell her to call me...not you. So I did. Cousins GF texted back I tried to 
But do not have her number. Later in the day I learned that cousins GF then called my W but no reply. 

I have also wondered about the change in life thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

Jelly is right, the two of you are acting like teenagers, not forty year old adults. I did this, she did that, I did that, she did this. What's next that's my chair, but I was here first. Stop it, stand up and lead this marriage. You know she has trust and jealousy problems. Work with it, assure her calmly, build trust. Don't fall into arguments about it. If she needs to get out she doesn't like a 24 year old girl texting you, say ok. Who cares, drop it. Why would it be important to argue it at any point? No, you argued and it grew bigger, fueled by alcohol. Is it worth her not being able to get to a place where she can get to trust people again. And never, never, never argue when you're fueled up on beer. Not a smart move for either of you going back to a bar either. Go and talk to her. Listen and don't try to fix. Offer her counseling for both of you.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I will listen tonight...and will not try to fix....


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Why can you not clearly tell your wife, "I'm sorry your ex-H cheated on you. I'm sorry he abandoned you and the kids. He is a rat-bast*rd, but I AM NOT HIM. I refuse to be your whipping-boy and I refuse to pay for your ex-H's sins."

Tell her, "You need to get counseling/therapy to deal with your hurt over your ex-H's betrayal. You need to learn how to trust ME. I did NOT hurt you, but you are HURTING ME with your CONSTANT suspicions of my behavior. If you are UNWILLING to address these issues NOW and SERIOUSLY, then I am telling you that there is NO WAY that this marriage can survive that kind of mistrust."

"If you want us to go to marriage counseling IN ADDITION to your Individual Therapy, then let me know and I will be really happy to work on our marrige together with you. Let me know what you decide."

Obviously, if she agrees to IC AND MC, great. But, YOU need to decide WHERE YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE if she refuses to get IC for HER serious issues.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Why can you not clearly tell your wife, "I'm sorry your ex-H cheated on you. I'm sorry he abandoned you and the kids. He is a rat-bast*rd, but I AM NOT HIM. I refuse to be your whipping-boy and I refuse to pay for your ex-H's sins."
> 
> Tell her, "You need to get counseling/therapy to deal with your hurt over your ex-H's betrayal. You need to learn how to trust ME. I did NOT hurt you, but you are HURTING ME with your CONSTANT suspicions of my behavior. If you are UNWILLING to address these issues NOW and SERIOUSLY, then I am telling you that there is NO WAY that this marriage can survive that kind of mistrust."
> 
> "If you want us to go to marriage counseling IN ADDITION to your Individual Therapy, then let me know and I will be really happy to work on our marrige together with you. Let me know what you decide."
> 
> Obviously, if she agrees to IC AND MC, great. But, YOU need to decide WHERE YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE if she refuses to get IC for HER serious issues.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Thank you for the great advice. Since my last post I had two phone calls from friends wondering where I was sat nite when she took off to the bar. They told me she was very drunk and all over many men. I am so hurt right now I could puke. Then they told me they saw her leave with a man. It's a local bat in a small town. Why me God...why me..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

Go have your talk!


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

She's getting her hair cut and I'm just sick over this. She won't be home for an hour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

Stay calm and in control. Let her talk first. Don't tell her what you know. And remember you were both drunk, fighting and I'm sure said not nice things to each other that night. Lead this situation, take the high road, don't play tit for tat. Good luck.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

anchorwatch said:


> Stay calm and in control. Let her talk first. Don't tell her what you know. And remember you were both drunk, fighting and I'm sure said not nice things to each other that night. Lead this situation, take the high road, don't play tit for tat. Good luck.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

Ok folks...I have been home an hour and she's still not home. I checked upstairs and she came home while I was out...took a shower ...took her toothbrush and deodorant and overnite bag. R u kidding me? Money also taken from ATM 30 min ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## suesmith

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Ok folks...I have been home an hour and she's still not home. I checked upstairs and she came home while I was out...took a shower ...took her toothbrush and deodorant and overnite bag. R u kidding me? Money also taken from ATM 30 min ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It sounds like its time to protect yourself. Then get into MC and IC and see what happens.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Are you REALLY sure there is enough here to fight for and salvage? In the VERY BEST OF TIMES, has it been good enough to be proud of and fight for and defend?

If your friends are sick of this overly-dramatic, sick, tit-for-tat relationship and you've known them for a while, then WHY don't you see what they see?

Just the bits you've posted here (and granted this is all from YOUR perspective), just sounds like a whole lot of dysfunction. Your wife treats you like cr*p CONTINUALLY either because she is trying to push your buttons and see if you REALLY love her or if you're gonna leave her like the last one OR she just really is so bitter and jaded that she believes that all men are lying, cheating, immoral he-wh0res. Either way, it is not looking good for you.


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## runnergirl62

wow,that's very sad  On one hand I would be so mad to say 'and can you take care of the bills when they fire your a$$ cause you can't travel', and on the other hand I want to hug her and tell her she needs to get professional help... that it's not your fault she has past issues. These are her issues, not yours.


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## Machiavelli

File for an annulment. Go take care of it tomorrow. She must have really liked the barfly she left with.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

It's now almost 1am. She is still not home. I'm venting to a forum. I can't believe this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wanting1

Her new irrational fears of your traveling may be fueled because of her cheating on you. She probably thinks you must be cheating, too.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

So it's now 130 am. I called my wife and woke her up. She would not tell me where she was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malaise

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So it's now 130 am. I called my wife and woke her up. She would not tell me where she was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Far be it for me to tell you what to do but I would be at a lawyers office tomorrow (today) and get the paperwork rolling.

What explanation could she offer as to her location except at mother or sister's house. No other could suffice.


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## Jellybeans

Again, way too much drama for a 2-month old marriage.


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## vi_bride04

A Bit Much said:


> Well that theory of the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else doesn't work for everybody. She has kids with a man that abandoned her and his family for another woman. That's not something the average person can just 'get over' even after months of therapy. She's still grieving what happened to her, and your traveling triggers her like crazy. It's not you at all.
> 
> She needs to get some help, that's for sure. Until that happens though, you still need to not let her manipulate you the way she has. This is her problem to deal with, put it squarely back in HER lap.


This!!!!

She hasn't healed from the previous betrayal. That's probably why she was fine when you were dating, but being married just triggers her like crazy since that's that situation she just came out of.

How long after her divorce did you start dating?

Is she willing to go to IC?


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## 67flh

i would be at the bank draining the accts before she does,which she IS going to do...you are her whipping boy for all her pent up anger, she needs serious help,there is no possible way to have a normal marriage with her baggage.if you are crazy enough to tell HR about no travel,what is she going to demand next?


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

I knew her for 3 years before we were married. I started to date her while I was still going though my 2nd divorce. She has been single for 9 years.


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## anchorwatch

Did you talk to her? Did she say why she left or where she is?


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

This has NEVER happened...I have had NO phone call...NO text...I have been in bathroom all morning....Im just sick over this...


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## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So it's now 130 am. I called my wife and woke her up. She would not tell me where she was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is trying to gain her control back over you and this relationship. All this theatre is just to get your attention and to get you back where she wants you. You can do 2 things with this behavior... feed it by calling and whining and begging, or in other words have fits of emotion over her actions, or you can choose another option. One she's probably not familiar with... you standing up to this mess and putting your foot down. It's midweek, you guys have a household to run, kids to tend to and jobs to go to. The hysteria and drama needs to end today.

DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN. DO NOT ASK HER WHERE SHE WAS. Conduct yourself in the most calm and gentle manner around her and don't engage her in any way. She wants you to go there. Remember the last thing she texted you was to let her know when you want to talk? Well now it's your turn. You let her know... several times already and she's ignored you for drama instead. So drop it all. Do a complete 180 on her until she comes to you like an adult. 

This won't be easy, but you have to take emotion out of this. You two feed on one another and escalate situations to a point where you're doing each other more harm than good. Stop it right now.


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## anchorwatch

I agree with Bit. Enough is enough. End this today. She's trying to punish you by her absence and silence. This is all school kid drama. Don't contact her.


----------



## Jellybeans

ABit is right:

_*DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN. DO NOT ASK HER WHERE SHE WAS. Conduct yourself in the most calm and gentle manner around her and don't engage her in any way. Sh*e wants you to go there. Remember the last thing she texted you was to let her know when you want to talk? Well now it's your turn. You let her know... several times already and she's ignored you for drama instead. So drop it all. Do a complete 180 on her until she comes to you like an adult. 

*This won't be easy, but you have to take emotion out of this. *_

Go on about your day. Do not call her again.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So here is what transpired last night….I was at home at 10PM watching TV with no call…text..anything from wife. 

Then I saw that her niece “checked her in” on Facebook at a bar about 10 miles from me.

I jumped in my truck and went there. Upon arrival I went to the far end of the bar and just sat. I watched them for about 30 minutes. It was her and 8 of her family members.

After 30 minutes I went to her table and said “What? You guys are having a party and did not invite me??” The look on their faces was total deer in headlights.

Wife did not say a word to me. 

I went back to my area and sat and drank a couple beers. She never came over to me. 45 minutes later I saw her and her sister get up to leave so I left too.

No text…no call…no nothing……


----------



## Chris Taylor

She's making plans. She told you from the beginning she'd do what was necessary and she's doing it.

Protect yourself at this point.


----------



## Jellybeans

This is hardly a marriage.


----------



## anchorwatch

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So here is what transpired last night….I was at home at 10PM watching TV with no call…text..anything from wife.
> 
> Then I saw that her niece “checked her in” on Facebook at a bar about 10 miles from me.
> 
> I jumped in my truck and went there. Upon arrival I went to the far end of the bar and just sat. I watched them for about 30 minutes. It was her and 8 of her family members.
> 
> After 30 minutes I went to her table and said “What? You guys are having a party and did not invite me??” The look on their faces was total deer in headlights.
> 
> Wife did not say a word to me.
> 
> I went back to my area and sat and drank a couple beers. She never came over to me. 45 minutes later I saw her and her sister get up to leave so I left too.
> 
> No text…no call…no nothing……


So you knew where she was. More game playing. Good luck to you.


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So here is what transpired last night….I was at home at 10PM watching TV with no call…text..anything from wife.
> 
> Then I saw that her niece “checked her in” on Facebook at a bar about 10 miles from me.
> 
> I jumped in my truck and went there. Upon arrival I went to the far end of the bar and just sat. I watched them for about 30 minutes. It was her and 8 of her family members.
> 
> After 30 minutes I went to her table and said “What? You guys are having a party and did not invite me??” The look on their faces was total deer in headlights.
> 
> Wife did not say a word to me.
> 
> I went back to my area and sat and drank a couple beers. She never came over to me. 45 minutes later I saw her and her sister get up to leave so I left too.
> 
> No text…no call…no nothing……


SO...

You proud of yourself? I guess you really showed her huh?

You can keep playing these games like you're in high school or you can have a real marriage. Which is it? Once you knock off the game playing and the volleying back and forth trying to see which one of you drags a bigger stick, you just may have a chance. Guess who needs to go first? That would be YOU since you're here on the marriage forum trying to figure out what to do with this mess of a relationship.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I found out she was at another bar through the coincidence of Facebook.. but even now do not know where she slept or who with last night.


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I found out she was at another bar through the coincidence of Facebook.. but even now do not know where she slept or who with last night.


And? So what?

You made things a hell of a lot worse by reacting instead of thinking first.


----------



## Jellybeans

Was she like this when you were dating? Surely you had an inkling of what was to come in marriage?

She's acting like a 22 year old not a 40 yr old married woman.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

On the phone with lawyer...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Im not thinking very well right now...but should I maybe call the police and tell them she is missing??


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Im not thinking very well right now...but should I maybe call the police and tell them she is missing??


Are you serious? 

Get off the phone. She's not missing, she's avoiding you. There's a diffierence.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Lawyer told me that an annulment must have proof that something was not told before the marrige. For example...if she said she wanted kids, then found out I was fixed. He told me it will need to be a divorce....


----------



## Jellybeans

Don't call the cops. BitMuch is right again--she's avoiding you, not missing. 

You need to get out of the house for some fresh air.


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Lawyer told me that an annulment must have proof that something was not told before the marrige. For example...if she said she wanted kids, then found out I was fixed. He told me it will need to be a divorce....


In CA, you can get an annulment if you can prove "unsound mind." 

Not sure what proof you need but she sounds unsound to me.


----------



## A Bit Much

You dated her for 3 years. Was your relationship always like this? Theatre? I can't imagine this is new stuff after 2 months of marriage. No way. She's too comfortable with escalating the drama. It's that or she's getting support from her family in doing it to get you to react and behave a certain way. Bottom line is, it's all manipulation. And over what? Your cousins girlfriend contacting you over something benign? Please. She's made a mountain out of a molehill and you're in turn making the molehill a mountain again with your responses.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

A Bit Much said:


> You dated her for 3 years. Was your relationship always like this? Theatre? I can't imagine this is new stuff after 2 months of marriage. No way. She's too comfortable with escalating the drama. It's that or she's getting support from her family in doing it to get you to react and behave a certain way. Bottom line is, it's all manipulation. And over what? Your cousins girlfriend contacting you over something benign? Please. She's made a mountain out of a molehill and you're in turn making the molehill a mountain again with your responses.


Honestly she was not like this. Only 6 months before our wedding did she start this childish behavior. It's fueling poor behavior on my part too now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli

who owns the house you live in?

ETA: Sorry if you've already answered this, but what's the kid situation? Ages? Whose? Any at home?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I do. It's in my name. So is the car she is driving that I am making payments on. I drive a 20 year old suburban and she has the new Chrysler.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli

Okay. You own the house and the wheels. Any idea where she went after her and her sister left the bar?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> Okay. You own the house and the wheels. Any idea where she went after her and her sister left the bar?


That's my biggest issue. I don't. I only have a feeling that maybe her GF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli

You're mid-40's and she is too. You're the guy with the assets who brings in the dough. She gets loaded and passes out a lot. What exactly does your wife bring to the table?

What's her "sex rank?" If you don't know what that is, how would you rank her on a 1-10 scale if you were just meeting her?

How often do women hit on you in a non-barroom setting?

I'm just trying to figure out why you haven't already bagged her sh!t and put it out on the porch.


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> That's my biggest issue. I don't. I only have a feeling that maybe her GF.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your biggest issue? Where she was is a non sequitur. It doesn't matter. If you focus on that, you've lost yourself. 

She left and didn't tell you where she was going and has no intentions of speaking with you until you've learned your lesson. SHE'S IN CHARGE. Capiche? Now you can continue to play this game with her, which you have flawlessly to this point or you can man up and put a stop to the childish bullsh!t right now.

What are you going to do? You can do as you've been advised or you can keep on this merry go round. Your choice, but you have been given other options.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> who owns the house you live in?
> 
> ETA: Sorry if you've already answered this, but what's the kid situation? Ages? Whose? Any at home?


Her kids are 16, 18 and 21. The 16 year old lives with his father in CA. 

I have twin 14 year old sons who I share with my X. Only the 21 year old daughter of hers lives at home with us.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> You're mid-40's and she is too. You're the guy with the assets who brings in the dough. She gets loaded and passes out a lot. What exactly does your wife bring to the table?
> 
> What's her "sex rank?" If you don't know what that is, how would you rank her on a 1-10 scale if you were just meeting her?
> 
> How often do women hit on you in a non-barroom setting?
> 
> I'm just trying to figure out why you haven't already bagged her sh!t and put it out on the porch.


It’s funny you mention the sex issue. I am almost ashamed to admit this. First of all she a great lover. The best I have ever had (and I had a few). I can honestly say she is also the most beautiful looking that I ever dated/married.
She would be a 9 out of ten…maybe a ten.

I really don’t get hit on too much…but once in a while I do. I am ALWAYS with her. That is why I feel so terrible right now. 

I cannot even imagine her with another man or for that fact me without here. Stupid right??


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> It’s funny you mention the sex issue. I am almost ashamed to admit this. First of all she a great lover. The best I have ever had (and I had a few). I can honestly say she is also the most beautiful looking that I ever dated/married.
> She would be a 9 out of ten…maybe a ten.
> 
> I really don’t get hit on too much…but once in a while I do. I am ALWAYS with her. That is why I feel so terrible right now.
> 
> I cannot even imagine her with another man or for that fact me without here. Stupid right??


Well no wonder. It all makes perfect sense (at least to me) now.


----------



## lovetopleasewife

It is obvious she has insecurity issues. I can say that I can relate to them to some extent based on my ex-wife cheating when I travled for work. When I got remarried I would get nervous about my wife doing something when I traveled because that was my past experience. However I was smart enough to understand that it was my issues and my insecurity and that she was not my ex wife. 

You can't make her see that this is her issue and it is unhealthy without some help. I would strongly recommend a MC. BTW, her threat, you need to let her know if she sleeps with someone, she is gone and that is the very thing she is afraid of in the first place.


----------



## A Bit Much

There's 1 particular good reason why she's still hung up on the ex that up and moved too. He didn't worship her.

No doubt she needs therapy. Heavy doses of it. It sounds like you do too OP. This is not the way a marriage should be... this is your third time around the track. Don't you want to get it right? I'm afraid to ask how your previous marriages ended.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

A Bit Much said:


> There's 1 particular good reason why she's still hung up on the ex that up and moved too. He didn't worship her.
> 
> No doubt she needs therapy. Heavy doses of it. It sounds like you do too OP. This is not the way a marriage should be... this is your third time around the track. Don't you want to get it right? I'm afraid to ask how your previous marriages ended.


My first ended after only 17 months. We were high school sweethearts. I found her in bed with my best friend.

My second ended after 14 years. She was very emosionally abusive. Could not take it anymore...

I'm a loser i guess....


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> It’s funny you mention the sex issue. I am almost ashamed to admit this. First of all she a great lover. The best I have ever had (and I had a few).


Practice makes perfect, so she's a girl with a high body count in her past and maybe her present.



Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I can honestly say she is also the most beautiful looking that I ever dated/married.
> She would be a 9 out of ten…maybe a ten.


I can dig it. So what she's bringing is smoking hot sex in a smoking hot package. It may be a fair trade. I'd take that in exchange for a little drama over no drama and no sex. Each man has to do his own cost benefit analysis, but this is totally a legitimate transaction.



Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I really don’t get hit on too much…but* once in a while I do. I am ALWAYS with her.*


This is a classic demonstration of female Pre-Approval Principle in action. When a man has a hot woman/women on his arm, other women have a stronger attraction to him than they normally would. The hotter the woman, the stronger the attraction other women feel for the man, because he must have something going on or a woman with options (hot body) would not be with him otherwise.



Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> That is why I feel so terrible right now. I cannot even imagine her with another man or for that fact me without here. Stupid right??


No, not stupid. It's not PC to say it, but the reason men get married is to have regular sex with a woman, preferably good looking, and ideally one who can at least act like she's into sex with the husband. This is actually a tall order. Also in marriage, the woman is sexually exclusive to her husband to ensure his bloodline is not adulterated with another man's spawn. 

Obviously, I'm just some guy on the internet, but you might want to look into your wife's past. Contact her ex and see what he gives as the reason for divorce. I'd bet adultery while he was on his business trips and not necessarily his alleged 2 year affair. Think about that closely for a minute. 

Think about your wife:

She is smokin' hot
She is very skillful/experienced sexually
She is a booze hound
She is a c0ckhound when she's loaded
She projects cheating behavior onto you
Her previous husband traveled
You travel

It's possible your wife does not want you traveling, not so much because of what you are doing while you're gone, but because of what she is unable to keep herself from doing. Her family knows every move she makes and are probably enablers. Are her daughters loose or buttoned up?

This all may be acceptable if she's hot enough. You have to decide.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> Practice makes perfect, so she's a girl with a high body count in her past and maybe her present.
> 
> 
> 
> I can dig it. So what she's bringing is smoking hot sex in a smoking hot package. It may be a fair trade. I'd take that in exchange for a little drama over no drama and no sex. Each man has to do his own cost benefit analysis, but this is totally a legitimate transaction.
> 
> 
> 
> This is a classic demonstration of female Pre-Approval Principle in action. When a man has a hot woman/women on his arm, other women have a stronger attraction to him than they normally would. The hotter the woman, the stronger the attraction other women feel for the man, because he must have something going on or a woman with options (hot body) would not be with him otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> No, not stupid. It's not PC to say it, but the reason men get married is to have regular sex with a woman, preferably good looking, and ideally one who can at least act like she's into sex with the husband. This is actually a tall order. Also in marriage, the woman is sexually exclusive to her husband to ensure his bloodline is not adulterated with another man's spawn.
> 
> Obviously, I'm just some guy on the internet, but you might want to look into your wife's past. Contact her ex and see what he gives as the reason for divorce. I'd bet adultery while he was on his business trips and not necessarily his alleged 2 year affair. Think about that closely for a minute.
> 
> Think about your wife:
> 
> She is smokin' hot
> She is very skillful/experienced sexually
> She is a booze hound
> She is a c0ckhound when she's loaded
> She projects cheating behavior onto you
> Her previous husband traveled
> You travel
> 
> It's possible your wife does not want you traveling, not so much because of what you are doing while you're gone, but because of what she is unable to keep herself from doing. Her family knows every move she makes and are probably enablers. Are her daughters loose or buttoned up?
> 
> This all may be acceptable if she's hot enough. You have to decide.


Very good advise...both her daughters are still virgins. Take after the father more than her so the looks are questionable...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Very good advise...both her daughters are still virgins. Take after the father more than her so the looks are questionable...


Think about your wife:

She is smokin' hot
She is very skillful/experienced sexually
She is a booze hound
She is a c0ckhound when she's loaded
She projects cheating behavior onto you
Her previous husband traveled
You travel

You describe her EXACTLY!!!


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Think about your wife:
> 
> She is smokin' hot
> She is very skillful/experienced sexually
> She is a booze hound
> She is a c0ckhound when she's loaded
> She projects cheating behavior onto you
> Her previous husband traveled
> You travel
> 
> You describe her EXACTLY!!!


And believe it or not, that may all be okay; IF you can get in the driver's seat of this relationship. It may not be worth the trouble, but I bet it can be done. Especially if there is no chance of bringing any kids into the world, KWIM?

First, you have to get over the "I'm a loser" act, just because you've had some bad luck. Women are women, whether they're on a barstool in the swinger's club or in the front pew at First Baptist. I've known some you could find in both places on the same weekend. What I mean by that is not only is there not much difference, sometimes they're the same woman, it all depends on the man in charge.

Here's your reading list:
No More Mr. Nice Guy

Married Man Sex Life Primer

Order those two, preferably electronic versions so she doesn't see them, and read them by Sunday night.

Start scoping out these two blogs:
MMSL
Roissy

For today, go here and read about the Male Socio-Sexual Hierarchy and figure out, realistically, where you are on the scale.

This stuff is going to strip away what you have been taught about women and reveal what you already know deep down, from bitter experience, about how women really are. Drink deep.

In the meantime, what is your suit jacket size, height, waist measurement? You waist measured right under your ribcage and above the obliques needs to be 32" or less. If not, guess what you need to do.

Does your wife have any religious beliefs?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> In the meantime, what is your suit jacket size, height, waist measurement? You waist measured right under your ribcage and above the obliques needs to be 32" or less. If not, guess what you need to do.
> 
> Does your wife have any religious beliefs?



Not sure what you totally mean. I'm a 32" waist at 6'1 160 lbs. What do I need to do?? 

My wife is a very devoted church going Catholic. I am not Catholic.


----------



## Jellybeans

Machiavelli said:


> It's possible your wife does not want you traveling, not so much because of what you are doing while you're gone, but because of what she is unable to keep herself from doing. Her family knows every move she makes and are probably enablers. Are her daughters loose or buttoned up?
> 
> This all may be acceptable if she's hot enough. You have to decide.


What?! Or not! 

I mean, what in the hell? Maybe she didn't cheat in the past. Maybe she has severe trust issues after having been cheated on and now she's taking out those insecurities on him? And she's a drama queen.

And "this may be acceptable if she's hot enough." WTF? So he should stay with someone who treats him poorly and can't even come home some nights and berates him for traveling (as part of his job) just cause she's "hot."

Wow. And more wow. Machiavelli... I don't agree. No one should ever stay in a relationship because their partner is "good looking." Not when the relationship is toxic. It doesn't strengthen a relationship.


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Not sure what you totally mean. I'm a 32" waist at 6'1 160 lbs. What do I need to do??


Up your sex rank. This is good if you stay together or not. You need to add muscle. Barbells and weight machines, not aerobic cardio stuff. If you're actually 32" waist, you want to get your chest up to a 1.4:1 ratio, which would be a 44" chest. That's the optimal attraction ratio for females. You're also after the 6 pack. Start today.

Meantime, update your wardrobe. Get some threads that a 34 year old guy, making 50% more than you would wear. How do you usually dress at work and how after work?

Change your hairstyle drastically. This, the clothes, and your weight training will piss her off, big time, and start moving the balance of your relationship.

Start the reading. I'm dead serious. All of this new knowledge your're going to be reading, plus the changes, will work to your advantage, either in this relationship or the next.



Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> My wife is a very devoted church going Catholic. I am not Catholic.


It's possible your wife has a problem with the seventh commandment. She also sounds like she's an alcoholic. What do you think?


----------



## Machiavelli

Jellybeans said:


> What?! Or not!
> 
> I mean, what in the hell? Maybe she didn't cheat in the past. Maybe she has severe trust issues after having been cheated on and now she's taking out those insecurities on him? And she's a drama queen.
> 
> And "this may be acceptable if she's hot enough." WTF? So he should stay with someone who treats him poorly and can't even come home some nights and berates him for traveling (as part of his job) just cause she's "hot."
> 
> Wow. And more wow. Machiavelli... I don't agree. No one should ever stay in a relationship because their partner is "good looking." Not when the relationship is toxic. It doesn't strengthen a relationship.


Yeah, but OP needs to reach his own conclusions. It just depends on what his needs and expectations are. Upping his sex rank and putting WW in her place may be all it takes to live happily ever after. On the other hand, it may not be worth the trouble (see my original advice to OP about annulment). If OP wants to attempt to "take her in hand" it may, or may not work. His decision. Even if he tries and fails, I think it would be a big confidence builder for him in his future endeavors with the opposite sex.


----------



## Jellybeans

Machiavelli said:


> *Upping his sex rank and putting WW in her place may be all it takes to live happily ever after*. On the other hand, it may not be worth the trouble (see my original advice to OP about annulment). If OP wants to attempt to "take her in hand" it may, or may not work. His decision. Even if he tries and fails, I think it would be a big confidence builder for him in his future endeavors with the opposite sex.


Well I agree with this. The bolded part could work--IF she's amenable. If not, I think he should cut her loose because honestly, this relationship sounds like one hot ass mess.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> What?! Or not!
> 
> I mean, what in the hell? Maybe she didn't cheat in the past. Maybe she has severe trust issues after having been cheated on and now she's taking out those insecurities on him? And she's a drama queen.
> 
> And "this may be acceptable if she's hot enough." WTF? So he should stay with someone who treats him poorly and can't even come home some nights and berates him for traveling (as part of his job) just cause she's "hot."
> 
> Wow. And more wow. Machiavelli... I don't agree. No one should ever stay in a relationship because their partner is "good looking." Not when the relationship is toxic. It doesn't strengthen a relationship.


:iagree:

Sometimes I wonder if I stayed after the first A b/c my STBXH is very good looking. He had me convinced he was the best (physically) that I was going to get. 

I decided it was much more important for me to be treated with respect than to have a "hot" husband. The toxicity is not worth it. 

Guess its up to the OP to figure out what is more important to him. A hot wife or someone who is willing to be a partner in the marriage by looking into her own insecurities.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Ok folks...what do I or..should I do short term? It's five here and still no word. I did something on my way home from work. I called her GF who I thought she may have slept the night. I was correct. I asked her why she was creating a safe haven for my wife. It was all blamed on me because I have not called wife to "talk". Why is it always my fault here!!! Why is it up to me to start the "talk"??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anchorwatch

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Why is it up to me to start the "talk"??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Ok. It's 5:20 pm and the wife just tried to call me for the first time. I did not answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anchorwatch

Did you just say why do I have to talk. Then she call's to talk to you and you don't answer the phone. 

:scratchhead:

You can't both call for her and not talk to her. Make up your mind.


----------



## 67flh

to many games being played here on both sides,now that you know where she's staying,up the game and go get your darn car back...piss her off but oh well..


----------



## Machiavelli

Jellybeans said:


> Well I agree with this. The bolded part could work--IF she's amenable. If not, I think he should cut her loose because honestly, this relationship sounds like one hot ass mess.


I know it.


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Why is it up to me to start the "talk"??


Well, you're supposed to be the man, that would be the leader, in the relationship. If you're not up to the job, women lose interest in you.

You need to download a book tonight called "Married Man Sex Life." It's actually about how to maintain your wife's attraction to you by stepping up and being the man of the house and the captain of the relationship. You gotta alpha up.


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Ok. It's 5:20 pm and the wife just tried to call me for the first time. I did not answer.


Call her back. Keep cool. Don't get excited, angry or raise your voice. Be detached. Don't have it out on any of this over the phone. Find out if she intends to come home.

When she does come home, Ask her what she was doing in the bar with those men. Who'd she spend the night with (GF may be covering for her but don't make any accusations yet). Always be cool and detached. Does she want the marriage to continue, etc. Did I say be cool and detached during all this?


----------



## Dad&Hubby

This whole thread is full of Bat Sh!t Crazy!!!

OP, Call your wife and either say this to her or leave this message.

"Come home now if you want to talk. IF you come home then we need to lay everything on the table and each take appropriate responsibility for this relationship to work. If you don't come home, we can just end this charade, where can I have you served with divorce papers." At that point go get papers. She's abandoning the homestead.

PS As much as you want to salvage your marriage, you need to ask some really hard questions.

What is there to salvage. Okay she's hot, okay she's good in bed. The crazy ones usually are. 
Now for some perspective. How many REAL minutes do you spend having sex versus how many REAL minutes (hours...DAYS) have you spent living in this he!!? Is it REALLY worth it?

I hate to say this, your wife is a NUT JOB!! She's got unresolved issues from her first marriage. She's insanely insecure. She's a HUGE flirt. She runs away for DAYS ON END when things go poorly. With THAT many issues, do you REALLY think infidelity won't be an issue either? Ask yourself, with how crazy she acts, if she was REALLY mad at you, she wouldn't have an affair "to show you" what you "made her do"? 

When it comes to repairing a relationship, both people have to be at least in the same zip code in regards to wanting to fix things. Your wife isn't in your zip code...she hitched a ride on the Mars explorer...I know it sucks but you need to start taking REAL stock on what you truly have.

Make a pros and cons list. When you're listing the pros ask yourself "Is this something that someone else could give me?"


----------



## Jellybeans

Dad&Hubby said:


> *This whole thread is full of Bat Sh!t Crazy!!!*PS As much as you want to salvage your marriage, you need to ask some really hard questions.
> 
> What is there to salvage. Okay she's hot, okay she's good in bed. * The crazy ones usually are. *


:rofl:

Made me laugh.

Dad&Hubby is right. Call her and tell her that. You guys are too old to be playing these games. You need to TALK and figure out what is happening.

You said you dated 3 years prior to marriage 2 months ago--didn't you see the SIGNS that she was a little....off?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So I put my big boy pants on and called her back last night. I listened for most of the conversation. He main gripe right now is that she wanted to know who called me and told me she was action like a **** in the bar Saturday night…I really did not want to disclose this, but she …again…gave me an ultimatum. You either tell me or Im not coming home. 

So I told her who it was and right away, at 10PM, she wanted to drive over to these folks home and ream them a new butt for, according to her, lying. 

I told her that its late and I’m watching the baseball game and that no way are we going anywhere. 

So she calms down and says that tomorrow (today) she will be home and we are going to lay it all out on the table. Needless to say she did not come home last night. So this morning she texts me ”Im sooo scared”.

How should I handle this?


----------



## A Bit Much

Why don't you start by being honest. You realize this relationship is dysfunctional as hell and it needs therapy to keep going. Otherwise you both should just part ways and own the fact you both made a big mistake getting married.


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So I put my big boy pants on and called her back last night. I listened for most of the conversation. He main gripe right now is that she wanted to know who called me and told me she was action like a **** in the bar Saturday night…I really did not want to disclose this, but she …again…gave me an ultimatum. You either tell me or Im not coming home.
> 
> So I told her who it was and right away, at 10PM, she wanted to drive over to these folks home and ream them a new butt for, according to her, lying.
> 
> I told her that its late and I’m watching the baseball game and that no way are we going anywhere.
> 
> So she calms down and says that tomorrow (today) she will be home and we are going to lay it all out on the table. Needless to say she did not come home last night. So this morning she texts me ”Im sooo scared”.
> 
> How should I handle this?


If YOU want to stay married, tell her we need marriage counseling & "lay it all out there."

She doesn't know how to be married. How come her 16 yr. old doesn't live with her? I think she may be bipolar but only a doctor can dx.

Good luck.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Her 16 yr old wanted to live with dad to "understand" how to be a man. That whole situation is a MESS!! No more contact between Wife and son at all.


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Her 16 yr old wanted to live with dad to "understand" how to be a man. That whole situation is a MESS!! No more contact between Wife and son at all.


Suspected as much.


Does your hot wife have:

Mood swings (depression & mania)
Hypersexuality (manic)
Reckless behavior (manic)

Google for all the symptoms to rule out the possibility of bipolar.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Yes, yes and yes. I think if I were to tell her I suspected bipolar she would point blank shoot me.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

IsItMe, I'm going to be blunt and probably come across as harsh. My intent is to help you.

WTF is WRONG WITH YOU?!?! 

You call her and get into it with her on the phone. Wasn't the goal to get her HOME? Your conversation should've been. "Come home NOW or don't at all". And she would've beached about it and your response should've been "You're not acting like my wife, When you start, I'll treat you like one. Again, come home now so we can work on this LIKE ADULTS or don't bother. I'm not going to be married to a teenaged drama queen." She'd keep beaching and you say "I guess that's your answer, where should I send the divorce papers?" She'd keep trying to work you over because she's not used to you ACTUALLY BEING A MAN AND STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF. That's when you say "Okay, that's my answer, don't bother coming home." If you did that I GUARANTEE she'd be knocking on the door in 30 minutes (totally PISSED but who cares).

You need to stop being a doormat. She's giving YOU and ultimatum? SEROUSLY?
You're her pet, not her husband. Don't take that comment lightly. She treats you like a dog (that she loves). If she gives it a little attention he'll do whatever she wants and be her loyal pet and follow her every whim.

You should call her back and tell her this. PLEASE FOR YOUR SAKE DO IT.

"You know, the last couple days have really been eye opening. I don't want you to come home. I need to continue to soul search a bit. I'm tired of your drama and that you don't give me the respect I deserve as your husband and as a man and provider. I'm undecided if I even want to bother continuing this marriage. I need a week to think things through. You can come home to grab some clothes but I don't want you here for more than you need to be. Lets pick a time you can get your stuff".


----------



## justonelife

Your wife doesn't even talk to her own son? Something is very messed up with this woman, although it sounds like you have some issues too honestly. You guys are in your 40s and you are supposed to be setting an example for the many teenagers you have between you. Instead it sounds like you are hoping for your own reality series. Grow the eff up, both of you! Sneaking around in bars, spying on her? Seriously? You don't want to call her but then you don't answer when she calls you? Are you a 12 year old girl playing some sort of game?

You guys both need help. I usually try not to be so harsh but wow. Just wow.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

PS, just read on the bipolar stuff.

You need to put that on the table. She'll get mad (because she might be bipolar). Stop being an enabler.


----------



## justonelife

Dad&Hubby said:


> IsItMe, I'm going to be blunt and probably come across as harsh. My intent is to help you.
> 
> WTF is WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
> 
> You call her and get into it with her on the phone. Wasn't the goal to get her HOME? Your conversation should've been. "Come home NOW or don't at all". And she would've beached about it and your response should've been "You're not acting like my wife, When you start, I'll treat you like one. Again, come home now so we can work on this LIKE ADULTS or don't bother. I'm not going to be married to a teenaged drama queen." She'd keep beaching and you say "I guess that's your answer, where should I send the divorce papers?" She'd keep trying to work you over because she's not used to you ACTUALLY BEING A MAN AND STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF. That's when you say "Okay, that's my answer, don't bother coming home." If you did that I GUARANTEE she'd be knocking on the door in 30 minutes (totally PISSED but who cares).
> 
> You need to stop being a doormat. She's giving YOU and ultimatum? SEROUSLY?
> You're her pet, not her husband. Don't take that comment lightly. She treats you like a dog (that she loves). If she gives it a little attention he'll do whatever she wants and be her loyal pet and follow her every whim.
> 
> You should call her back and tell her this. PLEASE FOR YOUR SAKE DO IT.
> 
> "You know, the last couple days have really been eye opening. I don't want you to come home. I need to continue to soul search a bit. I'm tired of your drama and that you don't give me the respect I deserve as your husband and as a man and provider. I'm undecided if I even want to bother continuing this marriage. I need a week to think things through. You can come home to grab some clothes but I don't want you here for more than you need to be. Lets pick a time you can get your stuff".


:iagree:

After all of the drama, I can't believe her biggest issue was finding out who "tattled" on her.


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Yes, yes and yes. I think if I were to tell her I suspected bipolar she would point blank shoot me.


Why - does she have a gun? I'm not kidding here.

I agree not to tell her that you suspect she is bipolar. People with bipolar go on an average 10 yrs. untreated. That's about how long it takes for their lives to fall completely apart before seeking treatment.

If she is bipolar, she needs medical treatment to stabilize her moods. There are very good medications for this.

If she is untreated bipolar, you can forget about having a peaceful somewhat "normal" marriage.

During the manic phase, an untreated person with bipolar, can be very charming, flirtatious & sexual....at first then the mania spikes up to "crazy" behavior.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

What I don’t get is her definition of a “talk” starts out calm and then very quickly escalates to –in my opinion – yelling at me. I remain calm and she gets louder and louder…but yet when I question this behavior she says..IM NOT YELLING…

Regarding he request to go confront these people who “tattled” on her..I’ll be honest here..I don’t want this to happen. These folks called me because they thought it was strange that I was not with her and then saw her leave with another guy…who I was now told was a friend of ours…..


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So she's talking loudly. Whatever. Just tell her to lower her tone. If she raises it some more because of that, leave the room and tell her you'll resume when she can proceed in a respectful tone.

I agree she doesn't know how to have an adult relationship and she probably IS afraid. But counseling is the only answer. If she doesn't agree to see a marriage counselor, I'd say to call it quits. She can't manage her relationships and needs to learn how.


----------



## 67flh

her own son has no contact with her? i think he's the intelligent one here.


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait for her to come home and calmly tell her either you work on your relationship together or you do n't. Bu tthe bar-hopping and disappearing and not coming home are not helping and if she wants to keep that up, then you guy shsould stick a fork in it.

You still haven't said anything about when you dated her--if you noticed off-ness. And I won't put all the blame on her. You've played into this too.

You are acting like children, not adults. Get it together. 

When you talk, keep your emotions out of it. Don't get into more arguments.


----------



## Jellybeans

Text her back and say "We will talk tonight."

Don't get into it more. Sheesh.


----------



## justonelife

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> What I don’t get is her definition of a “talk” starts out calm and then very quickly escalates to –in my opinion – yelling at me. I remain calm and she gets louder and louder…but yet when I question this behavior she says..IM NOT YELLING…
> 
> Regarding he request to go confront these people who “tattled” on her..I’ll be honest here..I don’t want this to happen. These folks called me because they thought it was strange that I was not with her and then saw her leave with another guy…who I was now told was a friend of ours…..


If she starts yelling at you, simply walk away. Tell her that you'll talk to her when she can lower her tone and leave it at that. Don't allow her to speak to you that way.

Secondly, this issue of who tattled is so ridiculous. Just completely ignore this issue and focus on fixing your relationship. You are still focused on this as well. Put it out of your head. That is not the issue.


----------



## Jellybeans

Exactly. Don't be baited into arguments. If she starts accusing you of yelling or whatever just be calm. No emotions! The sooner you learn how to manage this, the better. It will leave her feeling like an idiot for screaming and whatnot. Let her work herself into a tizzy if that's what she wants. Be the mature one.


----------



## Viseral

Dad&Hubby said:


> This whole thread is full of Bat Sh!t Crazy!!!
> 
> Haha, this thread is awesome.
> 
> I nominate Machiavelli alpha of TAM. Pretty much everything in this forum can be explained by understanding our base biological nature. Machiavelli nails it and cuts right to the chase.
> 
> When we understand our own human nature, relationships suddenly become much clearer.


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So I told her who it was












Wow. You gave up your source that quick? You've got a lot of manning up to do. Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked? You might want to do that before proceeding in any direction.



Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Needless to say she did not come home last night. So this morning she texts me ”Im sooo scared”.
> 
> How should I handle this?


Right now, like it or not you've got an open marriage, but your wife is the only one getting any side action. How do you feel about swinging? If you do that, at least you'll get some action for yourself. 

I read her text as mocking you, since you can't keep her in line and are generally a milquetoast pushover. You need to lay out your boundaries to her. Do you know what they are?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Jellybeans said:


> Wait for her to come home and calmly tell her either you work on your relationship together or you do n't. Bu tthe bar-hopping and disappearing and not coming home are not helping and if she wants to keep that up, then you guy shsould stick a fork in it.
> 
> You still haven't said anything about when you dated her--if you noticed off-ness. And I won't put all the blame on her. You've played into this too.
> 
> You are acting like children, not adults. Get it together.
> 
> When you talk, keep your emotions out of it. Don't get into more arguments.


When I dated her we had a couple of incidents. They were geared towards her flirting in bars. Shes a very “friendly” person. She can go up to anyone…and has..I have stories….


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

justonelife said:


> If she starts yelling at you, simply walk away. Tell her that you'll talk to her when she can lower her tone and leave it at that. Don't allow her to speak to you that way.QUOTE]
> 
> So this is where the issues start. I have never hit a woman in my life, but I will be totally honest here, my first reaction when she starts getting loud and or telling me that I am lying is to walk away.
> 
> She HATES when I walk away. She usually grabs me and will NOT let me walk away. She will block a doorway…grab my collar…grab my shirt…take may keys..take my cell…
> I then try to force and or push her away from me and she keeps coming back. I know this sounds crazy and you all think I am totally f ed up..but its true.
> 
> One time I was trying to leave for my truck and she was holding onto my shirt tail…I tried to swing my body to get her to release me and she fell and scraped her knee..right away I was the bad guy.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> Wow. You gave up your source that quick? You've got a lot of manning up to do. Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked? You might want to do that before proceeding in any direction.
> 
> 
> 
> Right now, like it or not you've got an open marriage, but your wife is the only one getting any side action. How do you feel about swinging? If you do that, at least you'll get some action for yourself.
> 
> I read her text as mocking you, since you can't keep her in line and are generally a milquetoast pushover. You need to lay out your boundaries to her. Do you know what they are?



My boundaries are what?


----------



## Jellybeans

That's what Mach is asking you. WHAT are your boundaries. Cause you need some.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Jellybeans said:


> That's what Mach is asking you. WHAT are your boundaries. Cause you need some.


I understand...you know let me tell you just a little about me. I am an only child who had no father since 5.

She is 1 of 10. Eight girls and 2 boys. She is the second from youngest.

I have had no male role model in my entire life and I think this is why I am so terrible at relationships.

I will be totally honest here when I say this..I am a bit afraid of tonight. She will demand that I take to confront these couple of people who told me what they saw in teh bar. When I say no she will say then I am leaving. 

Do I just say...OK..then leave.??


----------



## Dad&Hubby

So this was basically your problem all those years ago, and has continued since

You fell for this








But now you realize THIS


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I understand...you know let me tell you just a little about me. I am an only child who had no father since 5.
> 
> She is 1 of 10. Eight girls and 2 boys. She is the second from youngest.
> 
> I have had no male role model in my entire life and I think this is why I am so terrible at relationships.
> 
> I will be totally honest here when I say this..I am a bit afraid of tonight. She will demand that I take to confront these couple of people who told me what they saw in teh bar. When I say no she will say then I am leaving.
> 
> Do I just say...OK..then leave.??


First you press the rewind button and say...

"Whoa there sister. So the problem in the bar is that someone SAW you doing something wrong and told me, not ACTUALLY what you were doing? Is that what you're telling me?" Then don't give her the chance to leave. Kick her crazy a$$ out. Look, I hate to say this, my ex wife was a manipulative beyotch. She was a total wack job etc etc. The funny thing was the worse I treated her, the better she treated me. I just wasn't going to live my life playing some sick and twisted disfunctional game. I GUARANTEE if you throw her out and take control, she'll be begging to stay.

Or she will leave and try to reexert her control by leaving you alone again. That's when you have her served with divorce papers at the address she's hiding in. Remember, papers aren't to bring a divorce, it's to show that divorce is a real possibility.


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I understand...you know let me tell you just a little about me. I am an only child who had no father since 5.
> 
> She is 1 of 10. Eight girls and 2 boys. She is the second from youngest.
> 
> I have had no male role model in my entire life and I think this is why I am so terrible at relationships.
> 
> I will be totally honest here when I say this..I am a bit afraid of tonight. She will demand that I take to confront these couple of people who told me what they saw in teh bar. When I say no she will say then I am leaving.
> 
> Do I just say...OK..then leave.??


What does the people who saw her at the bar have to do with anything? I wouldn't entertain that. Ask her point blank if she's there to work out the relationship or blameshift for why its so screwed up... and lets not forget... she went to the bar in the first place over your COUSINS GIRLFRIEND CONTACTING YOU BY PHONE.

You both need to reverse this crazy train and get back on track. She can shuffle this deck any way she wants, the beginning of this last blow out was over some other woman who has ZERO interest in you calling your phone.


----------



## A Bit Much

Dude if you keep her on that pedestal you have her on, she's going to continue to sh!t on your head from her perch.

She likes the guys that stand up to her, remember? Her ex gets more respect than she gives you.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. I love Barney Stinson!



Dad&Hubby said:


> You fell for this





A Bit Much said:


> You both need to reverse this crazy train and get back on track.


There is so much WIN in this thread. I love it. :rofl:

Dad&Hubby's right--say that to her as soon as she starts blaming the friend who told you. Say "This isn't about them. This is about what happened. I am not here to argue with you. Either you are on board with me or you're not."

If she pouts (like a fvcking child) and says "Fine, thenI'm leaving." then tell her "If that is what you want, then I won't stand in the way. I deserve to be wtih someone who is committed to our marriage."

Sigh. 40 years old. Both of you. Acting like my niece and nephew. 
And they sound like they may have more sense. 

Why are you acting like you're afraid of her and what she says? She's not the ruler of you! (haha).


----------



## Prodigal

Just wanted to chime in here. I've been on TAM for quite awhile, and this is by far one of the most interesting threads, in terms of completely total dysfunction, that I have read. And I'm not saying that in a funny, haa-haa way.

Yes, this is indeed bat sh!t crazy.:crazy:


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I know shes not the ruler..but I am trying to be prepared. Last night she said "If you dont tell me who said what about me then Im not coming home". So I said OK..dont come home.

Then stupid me..always the NICE guy....tells her the names of the people not even thinking she would want to confront them. First of all..she was drunk off her but so how could she even rememeber??

I dunno...I'm just preparing for the worse....


----------



## A Bit Much

> I have had no male role model in my entire life and I think this is why I am so terrible at relationships


This isn't an excuse at all for your behavior. You are a grown, educated man who's been in the world as an adult now for over 20 years. You DO know better. 

My husband didn't have his father around either growing up. Daddy left him at 2. He's a very mature and together individual and he's been a fantastic husband to me for 10 years now. What makes you any different?


----------



## Jellybeans

WHGO CARES if you told her???? And who cares who told you??? 
She knows what she did.

All she is doing is going around in circles instead of owning her sh*t and what's she has done.

Be absolutely unemotional. She sounds like a controlling woman. So call her out on it. MAN UP.


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I know shes not the ruler..but I am trying to be prepared. Last night she said "If you dont tell me who said what about me then Im not coming home". So I said OK..dont come home.
> 
> Then stupid me..always the NICE guy....tells her the names of the people not even thinking she would want to confront them. First of all..she was drunk off her but so how could she even rememeber??
> 
> I dunno...I'm just preparing for the worse....


Rather than being reactive, be proactive for a change. Call them up and tell them what's going on. Maybe they'll beat her home and you ALL can have a big pow wow over this bs.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

A Bit Much said:


> This isn't an excuse at all for your behavior. You are a grown, educated man who's been in the world as an adult now for over 20 years. You DO know better.
> 
> My husband didn't have his father around either growing up. Daddy left him at 2. He's a very mature and together individual and he's been a fantastic husband to me for 10 years now. What makes you any different?


I wish I knew...I am beating myself up over this whole thing..that is attracting many people now...and it wasn't even me who started it!!..:scratchhead:


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I wish I knew...I am beating myself up over this whole thing..that is attracting many people now...and it wasn't even me who started it!!..:scratchhead:


Oh you know what it is. You got sucked in by Jessica Rabbit. Well it's backfiring on you. All that glitters ain't gold sir.


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> justonelife said:
> 
> 
> 
> If she starts yelling at you, simply walk away. Tell her that you'll talk to her when she can lower her tone and leave it at that. Don't allow her to speak to you that way.QUOTE]
> 
> So this is where the issues start. I have never hit a woman in my life, but I will be totally honest here, my first reaction when she starts getting loud and or telling me that I am lying is to walk away.
> 
> She HATES when I walk away. She usually grabs me and will NOT let me walk away. She will block a doorway…grab my collar…grab my shirt…take may keys..take my cell…
> I then try to force and or push her away from me and she keeps coming back. I know this sounds crazy and you all think I am totally f ed up..but its true.
> 
> One time I was trying to leave for my truck and she was holding onto my shirt tail…I tried to swing my body to get her to release me and she fell and scraped her knee..right away I was the bad guy.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh great so her abuse has already gone physical.......
Click to expand...


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I understand...you know let me tell you just a little about me. I am an only child who had no father since 5.
> 
> She is 1 of 10. Eight girls and 2 boys. She is the second from youngest.
> 
> I have had no male role model in my entire life and I think this is why I am so terrible at relationships.
> 
> I will be totally honest here when I say this..I am a bit afraid of tonight. She will demand that I take to confront these couple of people who told me what they saw in teh bar. When I say no she will say then I am leaving.
> 
> Do I just say...OK..then leave.??


No.

She is not asking you a question when she states "I'm leaving" so you don't have to answer.

Just go about your business & ignore her. If it turns physical, call the cops.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I know shes not the ruler..but I am trying to be prepared. Last night she said "If you dont tell me who said what about me then Im not coming home". So I said OK..dont come home.
> 
> Then stupid me..always the NICE guy....tells her the names of the people not even thinking she would want to confront them. First of all..she was drunk off her but so how could she even rememeber??
> 
> I dunno...I'm just preparing for the worse....


Because you haven't had many role models in your life, I'll volunteer to be one.

It's not because you're "NICE" it's because you were scared. You're afraid she'll leave you. You're afraid the other girl in the playground is going to take her ball home and then you'll have nothing.

It's time to man up. Kick this crazy woman to the curb. Take 6 months to a year and rediscover your testes (they're actually a lot of fun when you have them back) and then go find a woman who will love you PROPERLY!!!

BUT when you do find the RIGHT woman (as in you won't find a description of her in a college psych book) DON'T STOP being the man you develop yourself into. Women don't like wimps or doormats. Okay maybe Madonna does, but aside from her...no woman does. Go look at the book shelves of romantic novels. Look at how every man on the cover is painted. None of them are chasing around their women hoping and praying that they don't leave.

Please stop confusing "Nice Guy" and "Doormat/Wimp". I'm a nice guy. I treat my wife with respect, I love her with all my heart, I'd give her everything (that we can afford at that moment within our budget ) But if she takes me for granted or raises her voice or responds even slightly disrespectfully to me. I NICELY take her to task about it. :smthumbup:

Being nice means when you're served crap, you hand it back and say try again because you're not going to take any crap in a NICE way.

Being a doormat means being served crap and asking for seconds.

You've been a doormat.


----------



## PBear

By the way... Get a voice activated recorder and have it running out if sight when you talk to her...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I have NEVER..NEVER...been physical with anyone..even a guy...one time I walked away and went up to bed. She jumped on my back poking me in the back of my head saying.."Hey...HEY...HEY...Hey...Hey...Hey...".."Come on lets talk..Hey..

Each time the poking on the head getitng harder. I was laying on my stomach and tried to "buck" her off me...she landed on floor and started to clinch fist pound me on my back.....


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

PBear said:


> By the way... Get a voice activated recorder and have it running out if sight when you talk to her...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was thinking about using my cell to record the whole conversation....


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I have NEVER..NEVER...been physical with anyone..even a guy...one time I walked away and went up to bed. She jumped on my back poking me in the back of my head saying.."Hey...HEY...HEY...Hey...Hey...Hey...".."Come on lets talk..Hey..
> 
> Each time the poking on the head getitng harder. I was laying on my stomach and tried to "buck" her off me...she landed on floor and started to clinch fist pound me on my back.....


WHY do you tolerate this? And please don't say "because I love her". It's so cliche.


----------



## A Bit Much

And another thing...

Do you see anything wrong with her behavior? Do you think that's how women act? Does it seem normal to you?

I'm asking because you come across as if it's a trade off. Hot wife = abuse on any level is okay. It's part of the deal.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Dad&Hubby said:


> Because you haven't had many role models in your life, I'll volunteer to be one.
> 
> It's not because you're "NICE" it's because you were scared. You're afraid she'll leave you. You're afraid the other girl in the playground is going to take her ball home and then you'll have nothing.
> 
> 
> You've been a doormat.


Emerald - You are 100% correct...I am afraid...


----------



## Machiavelli

Dad&Hubby said:


>


This chart is proven science. Unfortunately, OP wife's X axis craziness is getting too far away from her Y axis hotness.

OP, you need to read NMMNG before your meeting. You need to get your wife out of the driver's seat. You're demonstrating "low value male" at every turn. You're not really capable of putting your wife into her place at this point in time. You don't have the skill to stay on for 8 seconds.


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I have NEVER..NEVER...been physical with anyone..even a guy...one time I walked away and went up to bed. She jumped on my back poking me in the back of my head saying.."Hey...HEY...HEY...Hey...Hey...Hey...".."Come on lets talk..Hey..
> 
> Each time the poking on the head getitng harder. I was laying on my stomach and tried to "buck" her off me...she landed on floor and started to clinch fist pound me on my back.....


I said she is the physical abuser, not you. If ANY man poked me harder & harder then "clinch fist pounded" me on my back, I would press DV charges against him.

You already know how she is. If she can't get exactly what she wants from you by manipulation, yelling, threatening, issuing ultimatums then she physically abuses you knowing full well you won't hit her back & she gets her way.

Now on to you - you seem like a good guy who got charmed by a hot, flirtatious, sexy, (maybe bipolar) woman. When she is hypersexual, sex is off the charts, am I right?

If you want to live a crazy, rollercoaster life of cheating, abuse, manipulation, std's & a whole lotta crazy then stay with her.

As a guy in his mid-forties, if you are looking for a more stable life, try & annull this 2-month marriage.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

A Bit Much said:


> And another thing...
> 
> Do you see anything wrong with her behavior? Do you think that's how women act? Does it seem normal to you?
> 
> I'm asking because you come across as if it's a trade off. Hot wife = abuse on any level is okay. It's part of the deal.


You are also 100% right...God this is going to sound horrible, but I cant imagine another guy with her...Im crazy right?


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Emerald - You are 100% correct...I am afraid...


Thanks but I don't want to be right.

If this marriage ends, you now know all of the red flags to look for with your next woman.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

emerald said:


> now on to you - you seem like a good guy who got charmed by a hot, flirtatious, sexy, (maybe bipolar) woman. When she is hypersexual, sex is off the charts, am i right?



correcet!!!


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> You are also 100% right...God this is going to sound horrible, but I cant imagine another guy with her...Im crazy right?


So sad. 

I'm sure she senses your self loathing so why not pile on? You're too weak to leave her and she knows it. She's been pushing and testing limits to see how far she can go, and each time you've given up more and more of yourself to her.

I don't think you want help. I think you like this Funtown you've built. In some twisted way, her shenannigans with you make you feel important and wanted. Why else would she act like that?? The negative attention is still attention and I guess some is better than none.


----------



## justonelife

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> You are also 100% right...God this is going to sound horrible, but I cant imagine another guy with her...Im crazy right?


You are not crazy. You are making a conscious choice. That's what everyone is trying to tell you. If you choose to stay with her and keep taking her crap, then you have nobody to blame but yourself.

You can choose:

1. Stay with her and continue on the crazy train as her whipping boy; or
2. Quit being afraid of her leaving you and man up. She can choose to stay or she can go.

This isn't about her or what she will do. This is about YOU. What do you want? If you want her more than anything else, then by all means, have a nice life as her doormat. If you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror, then start having some respect for yourself and demanding respect from your wife.


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I cant imagine another guy with her...


I think it happens a lot whenever you aren't around.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> You are also 100% right...God this is going to sound horrible, but I cant imagine another guy with her...Im crazy right?


Compared to your wife....NOT AT ALL.

Sorry had to say it.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Also, what does this behavior mean...a few months ago we got into it....on the way home from camping the next day i was still VERY upset at her...

While I was driving home she starts to make moves on me sexually...What the Hel is that??


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Also, what does this behavior mean...a few months ago we got into it....on the way home from camping the next day i was still VERY upset at her...
> 
> While I was driving home she starts to make moves on me sexually...What the Hel is that??


Did you stand up to her about something?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Machiavelli said:


> Did you stand up to her about something?


Yes!...I acted totally pissed off!


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Also, what does this behavior mean...a few months ago we got into it....on the way home from camping the next day i was still VERY upset at her...
> 
> While I was driving home she starts to make moves on me sexually...What the Hel is that??


Mood Swings. Hot vs. Cold. North Pole vs. South Pole.

I guess she won that argument.....

Does she ever lose one?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So to sum things up for tonight:

1.	Stand up for myself
2.	Don’t push the “let’s go talk to the people who saw me in bar” issue. It’s not about that. 
3.	If she threatens me with Im leaving…then let her go.
4.	If she gives me an ultimatum..I say..A marriage is not based on ultimatums. 

All of you have been so helpful. Obviously we all have different religious beliefs, but please pray for me/us tonight around 7PM Eastern time….


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Yes!...I acted totally pissed off!


That's why.

You stood up to her so you were a MAN! Which turned her on, but at the same time she was losing control so out came da*****! That's her trump card of controlling you.

Yelling at you doesn't work.
Go physical
Physical doesnt work
Go to flirting it up with other guys while getting drunk
That doesn't get you back in line
Go to disappearing
That doesn't work
Go to make his knees shake uncontrollably
Works every time!!


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So to sum things up for tonight:
> 
> 1.	Stand up for myself
> 2.	Don’t push the “let’s go talk to the people who saw me in bar” issue. It’s not about that.
> 3.	If she threatens me with Im leaving…then let her go.
> 4.	If she gives me an ultimatum..I say..A marriage is not based on ultimatums.
> 
> All of you have been so helpful. Obviously we all have different religious beliefs, but please pray for me/us tonight around 7PM Eastern time….


You got it! Of course I will pray for you.

Also, do very little talking. Be a stone - strong, silent & unmovable.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So to sum things up for tonight:
> 
> 1.	Stand up for myself
> 2.	Don’t push the “let’s go talk to the people who saw me in bar” issue. It’s not about that.
> 3.	If she threatens me with Im leaving…then let her go.
> 4.	If she gives me an ultimatum..I say..A marriage is not based on ultimatums.
> 
> All of you have been so helpful. Obviously we all have different religious beliefs, but please pray for me/us tonight around 7PM Eastern time….


1. Yes
2. Don't even let her go there
3. This is where you can be a nice guy. Get her suitcase for her....SEE YOU'RE BEING NICE!
4. Give her one back. "If you give me ONE MORE EFFING ULTIMATUM...you can pack your bags and get out. I'm not going to life like that"
5. If you're a fan of the movie 300 then follow this pattern. When ever you have to do something, say something or decide something. First ask yourself "What would King Leonides do?" Then do that!
6. Never assume people have different religious beliefs. There are LOTS of varying religious beliefs on this forum.

Good luck and may SPARTA!!!! be with you!


----------



## Emerald

Dad&Hubby said:


> That's why.
> 
> You stood up to her so you were a MAN! Which turned her on, but at the same time she was losing control so out came da*****! That's her trump card of controlling you.
> 
> Yelling at you doesn't work.
> Go physical
> Physical doesnt work
> Go to flirting it up with other guys while getting drunk
> That doesn't get you back in line
> Go to disappearing
> That doesn't work
> Go to make his knees shake uncontrollably
> Works every time!!


Sorry OP (close your eyes)

OMG - funniest thing I've ever read here.


----------



## tom67

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So to sum things up for tonight:
> 
> 1.	Stand up for myself
> 2.	Don’t push the “let’s go talk to the people who saw me in bar” issue. It’s not about that.
> 3.	If she threatens me with Im leaving…then let her go.
> 4.	If she gives me an ultimatum..I say..A marriage is not based on ultimatums.
> 
> All of you have been so helpful. Obviously we all have different religious beliefs, but please pray for me/us tonight around 7PM Eastern time….


Yes do it:lol:


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Strong...Silent (she hates that)...and Unmovable (She's pretty strong).


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I have this forum on my cell so if it goes south tonight ill be posting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I have this forum on my cell so if it goes south tonight ill be posting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remember sex is one of her weapons.


----------



## A Bit Much

Emerald said:


> Remember sex is one of her weapons.


This is the preverbial atomic bomb when all the grenades have failed her.

Don't fall for the Jessica Rabbit. Think with the big head and not the little one.


----------



## PBear

And if you do have sex with her, wear a condom. Safety first!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So to sum things up for tonight:
> 
> 1.	Stand up for myself
> 2.	Don’t push the “let’s go talk to the people who saw me in bar” issue. It’s not about that.
> 3.	If she threatens me with Im leaving…then let her go.
> 4.	If she gives me an ultimatum..I say..A marriage is not based on ultimatums.
> 
> All of you have been so helpful. Obviously we all have different religious beliefs, but please pray for me/us tonight around 7PM Eastern time….


I will, but what you need to do is be cool and above it all. Like this guy:


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

She's home....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Emerald

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She's home....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Beep beep :smthumbup:


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Not a good night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Prodigal

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Not a good night.


And so it goes ... You two are completely enmeshed in a pattern that is going nowhere but into the downward spiral of total lunacy.

This woman has a hot bod, she is hot in bed, and SHE IS NUTS. In fact, I think you indulge her insanity and enable it. 

I don't know if you are here to take to heart advice or if you just want to keep re-telling the same old, same old. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Yelling. Game playing. One-upsmanship. He said. She said. Who gives a rat's a$$. 

You are not going to have a good night until you get back on YOUR side of the street and deal with your own issues. To heck with the nut-job you married. 

QUIT ENGAGING. Either that, or quit posting about the latest battle-du-jour. Honestly. People here in cyberspace can only do so much. Take some of the good advice you have been given to heart, or keep posting.

You will find that people who constantly post here stuck in the same cesspool of misery are eventually left to themselves. After all, we can only do so much.

YOUR LIFE. YOUR CHOICES. 

Get counseling for yourself. Protect yourself if you have sex with this woman.

And seriously. Consider kicking her to the curb if she won't get into counseling. Time to man up and get real. Machiavelli has it spot-on. Sorry, dude but you are being pu$$y-whipped. And you deserve a whole lot better than this mess.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So it’s only fair that I explain what transpired last night.

We went to a local bar/restaurant with NO alcohol involved for the 3 hours that we talked. I remained very clam. I did my talking and was constantly told I was wrong or “no you don’t”…”No you don’t”…
She even told me that I was treating her like a doormat. 

A couple examples:

After the big fight sat night when she went to the bar we originally had plans to go to the university where her daughter goes to visit Sunday morning. 

Ok, maybe wrong of me, but I did not want to be in a car with her, and my two 14 year old sons, for 2 hours let alone be with her since I was upset.

So I took my sons to the baseball game instead. Her comment to me was” You really hurt my daughter by not going”. I honestly thought that she would enjoy some 1 on 1 time with her daughter. But this was viewed as me hurting her daughter.

Then she proceeds to tell me that my sons don’t treat her and her daughters like a family. So she said the next time I have my boys, she will be gone that weekend. “ Whenever you have your boys I will be gone.”

So after our “talk” we proceeded to go home. She asked me if she could borrow an old cell phone of mine from 5 years ago. So as I was showing her how to use it she saw there were old pics on it. As she was scrolling I saw that there were pics of an old GF of mine from a long time ago before my wife. I did not want to have her start into me about “who is this? And why are they still on your cell? I never deleted them because first.. the cell was never used since 2008 and second; I thought I had an awesome wife that it wouldn’t matter. 

So I asked her if I could see my cell because I didn’t recognize a photo. I quickly deleted those old pics. When she took the cell back she said, did you delete some pics? I said YES. She said why did you lie to be again. We JUST talked about this for 3 hours. I said what? I told you I deleted them. She said you should have said “do you mind if I delete some pics of an old GF”. Instead you pretended (aka lied) to see who was in a photo then frantically deleted them. 

I just e-mailed her. Here is the conversation:

To Wife:

I just want to tell you another reason it never occurred to me to delete any old pics…I have an awesome wife that trusts me and that any old pics shouldn’t mean anything….

Regardless…..all media including pics are long gone….

I love you.


From Wife:
They didn’t at all!!! Until all the lying started!!! And your exactly right!! You DID have an awesome wife who trusted you no matter what, too bad he didn’t feel the same about her, so she came to the conclusion that she wants what she gives!!!! And also, you must have had an awesome wife at the time this was happening because you never deleted them then either!!!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

FYI..I have a counceling attp monday at 1PM. She tells me she cant get off work...


----------



## PBear

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So it’s only fair that I explain what transpired last night.
> 
> We went to a local bar/restaurant with NO alcohol involved for the 3 hours that we talked. I remained very clam. I did my talking and was constantly told I was wrong or “no you don’t”…”No you don’t”…
> She even told me that I was treating her like a doormat.
> 
> A couple examples:
> 
> After the big fight sat night when she went to the bar we originally had plans to go to the university where her daughter goes to visit Sunday morning.
> 
> Ok, maybe wrong of me, but I did not want to be in a car with her, and my two 14 year old sons, for 2 hours let alone be with her since I was upset.
> 
> So I took my sons to the baseball game instead. Her comment to me was” You really hurt my daughter by not going”. I honestly thought that she would enjoy some 1 on 1 time with her daughter. But this was viewed as me hurting her daughter.
> 
> Then she proceeds to tell me that my sons don’t treat her and her daughters like a family. So she said the next time I have my boys, she will be gone that weekend. “ Whenever you have your boys I will be gone.”
> 
> So after our “talk” we proceeded to go home. She asked me if she could borrow an old cell phone of mine from 5 years ago. So as I was showing her how to use it she saw there were old pics on it. As she was scrolling I saw that there were pics of an old GF of mine from a long time ago before my wife. I did not want to have her start into me about “who is this? And why are they still on your cell? I never deleted them because first.. the cell was never used since 2008 and second; I thought I had an awesome wife that it wouldn’t matter.
> 
> So I asked her if I could see my cell because I didn’t recognize a photo. I quickly deleted those old pics. When she took the cell back she said, did you delete some pics? I said YES. She said why did you lie to be again. We JUST talked about this for 3 hours. I said what? I told you I deleted them. She said you should have said “do you mind if I delete some pics of an old GF”. Instead you pretended (aka lied) to see who was in a photo then frantically deleted them.
> 
> I just e-mailed her. Here is the conversation:
> 
> To Wife:
> 
> I just want to tell you another reason it never occurred to me to delete any old pics…I have an awesome wife that trusts me and that any old pics shouldn’t mean anything….
> 
> Regardless…..all media including pics are long gone….
> 
> I love you.
> 
> 
> From Wife:
> They didn’t at all!!! Until all the lying started!!! And your exactly right!! You DID have an awesome wife who trusted you no matter what, too bad he didn’t feel the same about her, so she came to the conclusion that she wants what she gives!!!! And also, you must have had an awesome wife at the time this was happening because you never deleted them then either!!!


WTF does any of this have to do with your core issues and your boundaries re:staying out till 4am, inappropriate behaviour in the bar, etc? You're letting her drive the agenda again. And in the end, you roll over and grovel, and tell her you love her.

C


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So it’s only fair that I explain what transpired last night.
> 
> We went to a local bar/restaurant with NO alcohol involved for the 3 hours that we talked. I remained very clam. I did my talking and was constantly told I was wrong or “no you don’t”…”No you don’t”…
> She even told me that I was treating her like a doormat.
> 
> A couple examples:
> 
> After the big fight sat night when she went to the bar we originally had plans to go to the university where her daughter goes to visit Sunday morning.
> 
> Ok, maybe wrong of me, but I did not want to be in a car with her, and my two 14 year old sons, for 2 hours let alone be with her since I was upset.
> 
> So I took my sons to the baseball game instead. Her comment to me was” You really hurt my daughter by not going”. I honestly thought that she would enjoy some 1 on 1 time with her daughter. But this was viewed as me hurting her daughter.
> 
> Then she proceeds to tell me that my sons don’t treat her and her daughters like a family. So she said the next time I have my boys, she will be gone that weekend. “ Whenever you have your boys I will be gone.”
> 
> So after our “talk” we proceeded to go home. She asked me if she could borrow an old cell phone of mine from 5 years ago. So as I was showing her how to use it she saw there were old pics on it. As she was scrolling I saw that there were pics of an old GF of mine from a long time ago before my wife. I did not want to have her start into me about “who is this? And why are they still on your cell? I never deleted them because first.. the cell was never used since 2008 and second; I thought I had an awesome wife that it wouldn’t matter.
> 
> So I asked her if I could see my cell because I didn’t recognize a photo. I quickly deleted those old pics. When she took the cell back she said, did you delete some pics? I said YES. She said why did you lie to be again. We JUST talked about this for 3 hours. I said what? I told you I deleted them. She said you should have said “do you mind if I delete some pics of an old GF”. Instead you pretended (aka lied) to see who was in a photo then frantically deleted them.
> 
> I just e-mailed her. Here is the conversation:
> 
> To Wife:
> 
> I just want to tell you another reason it never occurred to me to delete any old pics…I have an awesome wife that trusts me and that any old pics shouldn’t mean anything….
> 
> Regardless…..all media including pics are long gone….
> 
> I love you.
> 
> 
> From Wife:
> They didn’t at all!!! Until all the lying started!!! And your exactly right!! You DID have an awesome wife who trusted you no matter what, too bad he didn’t feel the same about her, so she came to the conclusion that she wants what she gives!!!! And also, you must have had an awesome wife at the time this was happening because you never deleted them then either!!!


Look up Blameshifting.

Okay, seriously. You need to divorce her. You are stunted emotionally and you need counseling. But you won't be able to fix yourself in this marriage. She is an EXPERT manipulator and you fall for it EVERYTIME.

What happened to your issues. Where are they? They got rugswept and disappeared.

You NEED TO MAN UP!!! YOU HAVE A CRAPPY MANIPULATIVE HORRIBLE WIFE!! SHE LIES, SHE RETREATS, SHE DISRESPECTFUL, SHE DOESN'T MAKE YOU FIRST PRIORITY. I wish I could say that there's some crazy BIZARRO reality where I see you being a healthy and emotionally well adjusted person AND you're still married to this woman...

Sadly that universe doesn't exist.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Dad&Hubby said:


> Look up Blameshifting.
> 
> Okay, seriously. You need to divorce her. You are stunted emotionally and you need counseling. But you won't be able to fix yourself in this marriage. She is an EXPERT manipulator and you fall for it EVERYTIME.
> 
> What happened to your issues. Where are they? They got rugswept and disappeared.
> 
> You NEED TO MAN UP!!! YOU HAVE A CRAPPY MANIPULATIVE HORRIBLE WIFE!! SHE LIES, SHE RETREATS, SHE DISRESPECTFUL, SHE DOESN'T MAKE YOU FIRST PRIORITY. I wish I could say that there's some crazy BIZARRO reality where I see you being a healthy and emotionally well adjusted person AND you're still married to this woman...
> 
> Sadly that universe doesn't exist.


I agree...Im DONE with the I Love You's...f ing done......


----------



## A Bit Much

Well that was a wasted 3 hours IMO. You accomplished absolutely nothing. She's off on yet another reason to justify her crazyass behavior. 

WOW.


----------



## Emerald

Are you still supposed to go to the HR Dept. of your new 4-month job & "tell" them that you will no longer travel as dictated by your wife? This was why you 1st posted here. Do you realize that if you do that, you will most likely lose your job?

Your wife doesn't live in your reality. You need to work, you have children (paying child support?). I feel bad for you. This will not end well for you if you don't stand up to her.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Emerald said:


> Are you still supposed to go to the HR Dept. of your new 4-month job & "tell" them that you will no longer travel as dictated by your wife? This was why you 1st posted here. Do you realize that if you do that, you will most likely lose your job?
> 
> Your wife doesn't live in your reality. You need to work, you have children (paying child support?). I feel bad for you. This will not end well for you if you don't stand up to her.


I will never do this...she's nutzzzzz


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I will never do this...she's nutzzzzz


You're way too afraid to crush the eggshells to ride herd on this woman. You're fundamentally not up to it. You should have left the pix alone. You say, "oh brother, that would have caused a blow up, you don't know what you're asking." Then let her blow up and coolly eye her like the nutcase she is. If you're not enjoying the ride, you need to dismount, and don't mount her again.

ETA: Metaphor City there.


----------



## A Bit Much

In this thread alone she's made quite a few demands. No more traveling. Delete your cousins GF from your FB account. She left and said before leaving to call her when you were ready to talk, then proceeded to ignore you when you did call for almost 2 days. She demanded you go over to the friends house to confront them about their report of her behavior at the bar, now she's saying she won't be there when your boys come for visits (because she probably is aware that demanding they not come at all is completely over the top unreasonable). 

She has a laundry list of faults when it comes to you OP. And I'm sure she's been emboldened by her friends and family over the past several days to squeeze that vice she has around your nuts. She turned the 'talk' into yet another blame fest and oh by the way you're a closet cheater.

What praytell are you planning on doing about all of this?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

A Bit Much said:


> In this thread alone she's made quite a few demands. No more traveling. Delete your cousins GF from your FB account. She left and said before leaving to call her when you were ready to talk, then proceeded to ignore you when you did call for almost 2 days. She demanded you go over to the friends house to confront them about their report of her behavior at the bar, now she's saying she won't be there when your boys come for visits (because she probably is aware that demanding they not come at all is completely over the top unreasonable).
> 
> She has a laundry list of faults when it comes to you OP. And I'm sure she's been emboldened by her friends and family over the past several days to squeeze that vice she has around your nuts. She turned the 'talk' into yet another blame fest and oh by the way you're a closet cheater.
> 
> What praytell are you planning on doing about all of this?


I plan on going home from work...taking shower and then going to watch my son play in the middle school band at the football 1/2 time...alone.


----------



## Soifon

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I plan on going home from work...taking shower and then going to watch my son play in the middle school band at the football 1/2 time...alone.


If I were married to this psycho I'd be thrilled to go to this alone. Enjoy the quiet time that you get to devote all of your attention on someone who deserves it.


----------



## A Bit Much

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I plan on going home from work...taking shower and then going to watch my son play in the middle school band at the football 1/2 time...alone.


What's the sad face for? You're spending time with YOUR kids which is what you should be doing in the first place. She's off on a tangent? Fine. Be as busy as you can make yourself. You don't have the time to entertain her bullsh!t, show her that's the case and quit moping around.

This should be the plan for this weekend. Her email doesn't indicate a person that wants to be around YOU much less have a sensible conversation about the state of your marriage. Keep your counseling appointment WITHOUT HER. She can F off, you need this help badly. Start the 180 my man. Get your nuts out of that vice and take control of this situation.


----------



## Starstarfish

I think its time to have a soul-searching, hopefully with your new counselor, to discover what it about your relationships that you need to address - whether its the type of partners you choose, the dynamic you set up, or what, OP. The fact that two months into a new marriage, you are already working on another potential divorce, says something needs to seriously change. 

Your wife is obviously not over her last relationship, and is dragging all kinds of baggage with her. If she doesn't want to engage fixing that, then - there might be little you can do. She seems to enjoy causing drama. The fact that she's now openly stated she doesn't like your sons, doesn't bode well either. 

Start your IC, and do the 180 on her.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I'm at my sons game. The wife was going to big pick up bar. Dressed to the T !! Wtf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## justonelife

Go home, pack her a bag, leave it on the front porch with a note that says "I hope you met someone willing to put up with your s**t at that bar". 

Either that or go to the bar and calmly tell her that she has one minute to leave with you and never return without you or she will be served with divorce papers. Then walk out.

You won't do either one but good luck anyway.


----------



## Machiavelli

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I'm at my sons game. The wife was going to big pick up bar. Dressed to the T !! Wtf.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely do not tolerate this. She's going out to get effed and you know it. Time to file. 

What kind of shape are you in? I'm sure your wife has decided you aren't very masculine, and your desire to placate her has confirmed this in her messed up mind. Hence, she's hot for you when you show your alpha and stand up to her. The more you let her steamroller you to keep peace, the lower her esteem for you. Ever heard this song? It's probably one of your wife's favs:
Sheryl Crow - "Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man" - acoustic, accordion, 1995, stereo - YouTube
She's a bipolar, no surprise.


----------



## Prodigal

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I'm at my sons game. The wife was going to big pick up bar. Dressed to the T !! Wtf.


Is it possible to divert your attention from your "fascinating" wife for just a moment? Either you are the most pu$$y-whipped man in the history of the world or you are rabidly codependent. Being that I cannot hit you over the head with a wake-up baseball bat, I'll vote for codependency.

YOUR WIFE IS NOT POSTING HERE. YOU ARE. SO CAN YOU ADDRESS YOUR OWN ISSUES WITHOUT DRAGGING HER INTO EVERY FRICKIN' POST?

This woman has you by the [email protected] and calls the shots. You are scared to death of her. She is a loon. You are focused on her lunacy.

How 'bout you step back a giant 10 steps and look at yourself - NOT in context to her, but just look at yourself.

You want help. You lunatic wife does not want help. If she wants it, she will get it. In the meantime, we're trying to get you to address your own issues.

Do you realize how you feel completely hinges on her? Time to assert yourself, kick her out of your house (which you can do if the house is titled in your name alone), and let her go wh0ring around. Heck, NO woman is THAT hot.

I don't think you realize it yet, but you are just as crazy as her for allowing her to dictate how you live your life. You also allow her to dictate how you feel. Seriously.

You have adapted to the craziness so well, I think you are afraid to go out and live normally. Time to do a 180 and man up. You need this woman in your life about as much as you need an anchor around your neck when you're going down for the third time.

And I seriously think you are barely treading water at this point. GET. HER. OUT. End of sentence. End of paragraph.

P.S. - Sorry to be so hard on you, but honestly - you are being given some excellent advice and you just keep going on and on about this beyotch.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I'm back.....


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## Rubix Cubed

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I'm back.....


 I hope it's just a friendly visit, but somehow I expect that's not the case.
Six years of taking it though ...


----------



## anchorwatch

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I'm back.....


Hopefully better off and without the drama...


----------



## Prodigal

Are you still married to the bat sheet crazy ho?


----------



## Windwalker

So, did the crazy train finally jump the tracks or are you and bat-****-zilla still doing the crazy tango?


----------



## Tito Santana

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I'm back.....


And..........


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I'll update you all soon. Looking for some added (if not already talked about 1K times) advice.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So yes, I’ll still with crazy. 

Back in the Fall of 2016 we had a huge falling out. 

In September of 2016 her 21 year old son became “almost” homeless in CA. Sooooo, I took a one way flight (my $$) out there and we drove back to the Midwest 2200 miles. I won’t go into details about the trip back. I’ll just say it was eventful. (10PM in the desert with a flat tire and no spare) or (you didn’t bring any money?)

Anyway, 4 days later we were home. 

2 days later the local sheriff was at my house getting ready to arrest him. We got into an agreement that lead to him chasing me upstairs, breaking down my bedroom door etc….
I chose not to have him arrested, just wanted him out of my home.

So after this incident, my wife, my step-son, my step-daughter and MY son all moved out. Took ALL of her stuff. I went from a house full of 5 to just me and my dog. 

We were separated from September 2016 to December 2016. During that time, I did some soul searching (not enough). I sold my home. I sold my classic car that I had for 28 years. Moved into a small 1 bedroom apartment and tried to start over.

Wife moved back in with me (apartment) in January 2017. We went to counseling (still was until a month ago). Seemed like we got back on track and in the spring of 2017 we found a new house, put her name on title, and here I am. Her 24 year old daughter moved in with us too. She does not pay rent. It’s an issue. She’s a full time teacher. 

In the post about from a couple years ago, codependency was mentioned. Yes, I am. I hate it. I want out. 

I no longer care about where she goes, what she does, who she’s with. I guess this is a good thing. My one son told me he would visit more often if she was gone. I have not seen my other son in 8 months. He does not like her. I also just started talking to my mother again (It’s been over a year) as my wife and her do not get along. My father passed away May 31 of last year (90 years old). When he was in the hospital he said "Is her daughter still living with you"? He did not like the fact that I was the gravy train. 

I don’t know why I can’t go home and say, we need to split up. I’m sure this post is a huge target for sarcastic comments. However I’m prepared so let the beating begin. I’m looking for words to say to my wife in regards to divorce.


----------



## Rob_1

On the issue at hand: what to say regarding divorce. It's very simple. You don't say a word. Just do, serve her, period. 

See how easy it is.


----------



## Ursula

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So yes, I’ll still with crazy.
> 
> Back in the Fall of 2016 we had a huge falling out.
> 
> In September of 2016 her 21 year old son became “almost” homeless in CA. Sooooo, I took a one way flight (my $$) out there and we drove back to the Midwest 2200 miles. I won’t go into details about the trip back. I’ll just say it was eventful. (10PM in the desert with a flat tire and no spare) or (you didn’t bring any money?)
> 
> Anyway, 4 days later we were home.
> 
> 2 days later the local sheriff was at my house getting ready to arrest him. We got into an agreement that lead to him chasing me upstairs, breaking down my bedroom door etc….
> I chose not to have him arrested, just wanted him out of my home.
> 
> So after this incident, my wife, my step-son, my step-daughter and MY son all moved out. Took ALL of her stuff. I went from a house full of 5 to just me and my dog.
> 
> We were separated from September 2016 to December 2016. During that time, I did some soul searching (not enough). I sold my home. I sold my classic car that I had for 28 years. Moved into a small 1 bedroom apartment and tried to start over.
> 
> Wife moved back in with me (apartment) in January 2017. We went to counseling (still was until a month ago). Seemed like we got back on track and in the spring of 2017 we found a new house, put her name on title, and here I am. Her 24 year old daughter moved in with us too. She does not pay rent. It’s an issue. She’s a full time teacher.
> 
> In the post about from a couple years ago, codependency was mentioned. Yes, I am. *I hate it. I want out.*
> 
> *I no longer care about where she goes, what she does, who she’s with. I guess this is a good thing.* My one son told me he would visit more often if she was gone. I have not seen my other son in 8 months. He does not like her. I also just started talking to my mother again (It’s been over a year) as my wife and her do not get along. My father passed away May 31 of last year (90 years old). When he was in the hospital he said "Is her daughter still living with you"? He did not like the fact that I was the gravy train.
> 
> I don’t know why I can’t go home and say, we need to split up. I’m sure this post is a huge target for sarcastic comments. However I’m prepared so let the beating begin. I’m looking for words to say to my wife in regards to divorce.


I read the first page of your thread and the last page, and by the sounds of it, your wife has a lot of issues that she needs to deal with. From what little I read of things, I feel very sorry that you're still with someone like this.

So, 2 years ago, you go out to Cali to rescue HER son (did she freak out that you were gone 4 days?), and then he gets mad at you enough to break down your bedroom door? Yikes!

Why did you guys stop counselling?

Also, if her daughter is working full time as a teacher, why in the world is she not paying rent to live with you guys? Okay, so she's 24, and really could be out on her own, but it's a harder and more expensive world to live in for young people, so it's really nice that you guys allow her to stay with you. But, she really should be paying something to contribute to the household. Does she contribute in any other way? What does your wife do to contribute?

The bolded text, to me, tells a lot about how you feel. I was married once, and when I stopped caring about things is when I knew we were done. My STBXH treated me poorly, and it got to the point where it would just roll off my back, and I didn't care what he said or how he treated me. Shortly after that, I told him I wanted to separate. We separated for 2 months, he thought we were going to get back together to work on things, but I had been done for years at that point, so I told him I not longer wanted to be married to him. Fair warning: it'll be one of the hardest and most uncomfortable conversations you'll have, but if you're unhappy, it's well worth it to have it.

Things that you could say: 
"this isn't working for me anymore, and hasn't for awhile"
"I'm sorry, but I can't live like this anymore; we need to take some time apart"
Ask her if she's happy with your marriage (she may be just as miserable as you)

If you think it's too hard for you to do, just remember that there's life at the end of divorce, and also remember your own kids who don't come around much because of her. Wouldn't you like to have a better relationship with your kids?


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## personofinterest

Rob is right about not needing a speech. You can have divorce papers drawn up where I live for around 350.00. Then you just have them served if you don't want to do it yourself.

In your case, I would take a SHORT time to get yourself ready to move, and then I would just have her served and leave. She's going to wig out either way.

When I read your original post, I just shook my head. It is amazing how people think "Joe cheated on me back in 19**" entitles them to be crazy from that day forward. Yeah, i was cheated on to. My husband wasn't the one who cheated, so I'm not going to punish him for someone else's actions, nor am I going to hold him to weird, ridiculous restrictions just because I chose to stay unhealthy. because that is what your wife did.

Let's get real, almost all jobs will occasionally require SOME travel, even if it is just to train or something. The idea that you can never ever spend even one night apart is stupid. Yes, i said it. It is stupid.


----------



## anchorwatch

@Isitmeoramicrazy,

No one here can beat you up more than you punish yourself. 

You don't need more words. Just do it! 

Feel the fear and do it anyways...


Best


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Thanks for the response. 

We stopped counseling due to scheduling issues, however I really don’t want to go to counseling anymore. 

Yes, her 24 year old daughter does not pay any rent. Her mother is very protective of her. If I bring it up, it causes a huge argument. It stems from the big “Blow Out” of 2016. I actually told them to get the F out of my house, including her daughter.
My wife always brings the past up. “Remember when you kicked us out”?

Anyway, I am going to print off your words of advice. They are great. 

So this is why I need this to go amicable:
When I (we) bought this house, which I DO NOT want to sell, I put $48K down on it. ALL of that money came from Pre-marital assets from me. $33K from a classic car I owned for 28 years, and $30K from the profit of my home I sold.

I can see her saying she wants half….whatever that means……1/2 of equity for 1 year?


----------



## personofinterest

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Thanks for the response.
> 
> We stopped counseling due to scheduling issues, however I really don’t want to go to counseling anymore.
> 
> Yes, her 24 year old daughter does not pay any rent. Her mother is very protective of her. If I bring it up, it causes a huge argument. It stems from the big “Blow Out” of 2016. I actually told them to get the F out of my house, including her daughter.
> My wife always brings the past up. “Remember when you kicked us out”?
> 
> Anyway, I am going to print off your words of advice. They are great.
> 
> So this is why I need this to go amicable:
> When I (we) bought this house, which I DO NOT want to sell, I put $48K down on it. ALL of that money came from Pre-marital assets from me. $33K from a classic car I owned for 28 years, and $30K from the profit of my home I sold.
> 
> I can see her saying she wants half….whatever that means……1/2 of equity for 1 year?


You married for looks and stay married for money.

Basically, you got what was important to you.

When this marriage ends, perhaps some personal growth and development of depth would benefit you.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

This is why I don't want to just go file without talking to her first. It will set her off (Italian) and she will not want to negotiate.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

personofinterest said:


> Rob is right about not needing a speech. You can have divorce papers drawn up where I live for around 350.00. Then you just have them served if you don't want to do it yourself.
> 
> In your case, I would take a SHORT time to get yourself ready to move, and then I would just have her served and leave. She's going to wig out either way.
> 
> When I read your original post, I just shook my head. It is amazing how people think "Joe cheated on me back in 19**" entitles them to be crazy from that day forward. Yeah, i was cheated on to. My husband wasn't the one who cheated, so I'm not going to punish him for someone else's actions, nor am I going to hold him to weird, ridiculous restrictions just because I chose to stay unhealthy. because that is what your wife did.
> 
> Let's get real, almost all jobs will occasionally require SOME travel, even if it is just to train or something. The idea that you can never ever spend even one night apart is stupid. Yes, i said it. It is stupid.


Its very stupid. 

Yes, I would like to have her served and leave, however what about my house?


----------



## MattMatt

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Its very stupid.
> 
> Yes, I would like to have her served and leave, however what about my house?


 @Isitmeoramicrazy you can seek sympathy and broad, general advice from your friends at TAM. And most of us are quite good at that. 

However, for advice on filing for divorce and or protecting your assets you need a good divorce lawyer and also probably a good accountant. @Taxman might be able to offer you a few good pointers in that regard.

You love your wife, but that's clearly not enough because she and her family are using you and they shouldn't be able to. I don't think she loves you like you love her.


----------



## happyhusband0005

To me this seems like way to much pain and suffering for any person to deal with. Her name is on the deed and you're married so you can probably kiss half your equity goodbye I would guess. However 24k plus some alimony is a small price to pay for some happiness, which is something I would venture to guess you have been lacking for the past 6 years. 

And may I suggest you pass on going for a fourth in the future, it appears you might be cursed in the marriage department. 

No matter what you decide, good luck.


----------



## Taxman

Sir, first of all, my condolences on your situation. First, protect yourself. She appears unstable, and could harm you at any time. Second, see a lawyer, get to know your rights in this. It varies from state to state. Make sure that all of your financial records are secured and held offsite. Your lawyer should be able to provide you with some secure storage. Start there. Third, who does your taxes? Do you have a CPA. I am unsure as to where you live, and property laws vary from state to state. It will carry a decent amount of weight that you did the downpayment out of premarital assets. Document every thing. Have your accountant draw up a cash flow statement that will show the funds source and ultimate usage. The increase in equity, dependent on the market in which you reside will likely be a common asset. There is some question in my mind as to whether she can lay claim to any mortgage payments. A good divorce attorney, and a good accountant are a must. My next suggestion is that you sir were co-dependent, and are now probably suffering something akin to PTSD. I would like you to visit your primary care physician. They are absolutely invaluable in this process. Get a referral to a good psychiatrist. You will need therapy to address the issues you know you have, and new issues that will come to the surface after you eliminate this poison from your life.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

happyhusband0005 said:


> To me this seems like way to much pain and suffering for any person to deal with. Her name is on the deed and you're married so you can probably kiss half your equity goodbye I would guess. However 24k plus some alimony is a small price to pay for some happiness, which is something I would venture to guess you have been lacking for the past 6 years.
> 
> And may I suggest you pass on going for a fourth in the future, it appears you might be cursed in the marriage department.
> 
> No matter what you decide, good luck.


Thank you. 

There will be no 4th time.


----------



## Magnesium

Taxman said:


> Sir, first of all, my condolences on your situation. First, protect yourself. She appears unstable, and could harm you at any time. Second, see a lawyer, get to know your rights in this. It varies from state to state. Make sure that all of your financial records are secured and held offsite. Your lawyer should be able to provide you with some secure storage. Start there. Third, who does your taxes? Do you have a CPA. I am unsure as to where you live, and property laws vary from state to state. It will carry a decent amount of weight that you did the downpayment out of premarital assets. Document every thing. Have your accountant draw up a cash flow statement that will show the funds source and ultimate usage. The increase in equity, dependent on the market in which you reside will likely be a common asset. There is some question in my mind as to whether she can lay claim to any mortgage payments. A good divorce attorney, and a good accountant are a must. My next suggestion is that you sir were co-dependent, and are now probably suffering something akin to PTSD. I would like you to visit your primary care physician. They are absolutely invaluable in this process. Get a referral to a good psychiatrist. You will need therapy to address the issues you know you have, and new issues that will come to the surface after you eliminate this poison from your life.


I read all of this hoping to get to the crazy-cool story that is usually embedded in your posts. Bummed.


----------



## Taxman

Sir, my stories are to illustrate points, as I have experienced a plethora of situations from the observer standpoint. OP is an open gaping wound. He is in a hopeless marital situation, dealing with mental illness and potential danger. Of course he is experiencing PTSD. There are no stories here, he must distance himself from this situation post haste. I frankly am worried for his safety, and I have counseled him to seek secure surroundings and to secure both himself and his evidence. That is the minimal extent of my advice.


----------



## Magnesium

Taxman said:


> Sir, my stories are to illustrate points, as I have experienced a plethora of situations from the observer standpoint. OP is an open gaping wound. He is in a hopeless marital situation, dealing with mental illness and potential danger. Of course he is experiencing PTSD. There are no stories here, he must distance himself from this situation post haste. I frankly am worried for his safety, and I have counseled him to seek secure surroundings and to secure both himself and his evidence. That is the minimal extent of my advice.


Ah, I know....and I am a Ma'am.

My attempt at levity was a failure.


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Thanks for the response.
> 
> We stopped counseling due to scheduling issues, however I really don’t want to go to counseling anymore.
> 
> Yes, her 24 year old daughter does not pay any rent. Her mother is very protective of her. If I bring it up, it causes a huge argument. It stems from the big “Blow Out” of 2016. I actually told them to get the F out of my house, including her daughter.
> My wife always brings the past up. “Remember when you kicked us out”?
> 
> Anyway, I am going to print off your words of advice. They are great.
> 
> So this is why I need this to go amicable:
> When I (we) bought this house, which I DO NOT want to sell, I put $48K down on it. ALL of that money came from Pre-marital assets from me. $33K from a classic car I owned for 28 years, and $30K from the profit of my home I sold.
> 
> I can see her saying she wants half….whatever that means……1/2 of equity for 1 year?


Nope, depending on the laws where your live, once you co-mingle the assets they are community assets. 

That was kind of a stupid move you know... You may be able to prove that they were premarital, you will have to talk to a lawyer to be sure.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So I told her I'm not happy and want out. She replies, "well pack your stuff and leave". I said, considering I bought this house, that is NOT going to happen. 

She asked me why I felt this way. I simply said, I'm tired of the extreme highs and then the extreme lows. There is no in between.

She says, "What are you missing?".

I feel like saying ...my target.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So I told her I'm not happy and want out. She replies, "well pack your stuff and leave". I said, considering I bought this house, that is NOT going to happen.
> 
> She asked me why I felt this way. I simply said, I'm tired of the extreme highs and then the extreme lows. There is no in between.
> 
> She says, "What are you missing?".
> 
> I feel like saying ...my target.


So how have things been since this conversation? Are you both still there?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

We are both there. I am in no way leaving as I bought the place and want to keep it (She contributed zero).

After my talk to her sinks in, I need her to tell me what she feels if fair. After I get "her" number I will discuss with my lawyer. 

I'm going to try to go the amicable way first.


----------



## jlg07

@Isitmeoramicrazy, did you ever find out if your wife cheated on you way back? I saw that you indicated that when you went out, she went out to a pickup bar dressed to the 9's, and that she also left a bar when drunk with another man (who was a friend of yours). Sounded like she was cheating back then, and not sure how you moved past that -- sounds like you didn't address it.

Even now, without your name on the house, you handed HER the power -- now she can "get you back" by throwing YOU out of this house....

You really need to read about co-dependence and how move past that. TRY to have a calm talk with her, but with her temper, I'm wondering if maybe a letter may be better first?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Thanks for the information. For clarification I purchase the home and its in my name and in her name.

What do you think I should say in this letter? 

I think the letter is a good idea .


----------



## Cynthia

I would be super careful about putting anything in writing and to run it by an attorney first.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Well...I did it..I told her I wanted a divorce.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

And she is going crazy....


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

She actually told me last night that she thinks I should go get a mental health check cuz she thinks I'm going crazy..


----------



## jlg07

I hope you have secured your finances and protect yourself. Have a Recording device going ANY TIME you are with her. If she is this nuts, she may try to make it look like you attacked her so that she can have you tossed out of the house.
As mentioned earlier, make sure you have ALL of your records in a safe place, any valuables or family items stored someplace else. Seriously, protect yourself and your kids.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She actually told me last night that she thinks I should go get a mental health check cuz she thinks I'm going crazy..


Well of COURSE she does. Don't engage with this kind of crazymaking/gaslighting. Using phrases like, "OK" (not that something is really OK, more like whatever.. they think what they want regardless, so.. OK) and "I'm sorry you feel that way" can help you detach from this kind of interaction.


----------



## Prodigal

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She actually told me last night that she thinks I should go get a mental health check cuz she thinks I'm going crazy..


Talk about projection … Just ignore her, leave the room, get in the car and take a drive, say "uh-huh" and leave it at that, or hit her with the zinger: "Any concerns you may have can be addressed with my attorney."

Just stay the course and get this harpy out of your life. Seriously.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She actually told me last night that she thinks I should go get a mental health check cuz she thinks I'm going crazy..



you should tell her that she's right, "I should have my head examined for having you in my life in the first place"

PS make sure you change all of your beneficiaries on all documents..i know people who have ugly divorces forgetting about a life insurance policy and in which the ex is still on the policy...not pretty


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Lostinthought61 said:


> you should tell her that she's right, "I should have my head examined for having you in my life in the first place"
> 
> PS make sure you change all of your beneficiaries on all documents..i know people who have ugly divorces forgetting about a life insurance policy and in which the ex is still on the policy...not pretty



Yes, very good thing to remember. Thank you.

I heard her and her daughter saying that I has something called Ambilivant Reactive Attachment Disorder.

What ever.....


----------



## Lostinthought61

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Yes, very good thing to remember. Thank you.
> 
> I heard her and her daughter saying that I has something called Ambilivant Reactive Attachment Disorder.
> 
> What ever.....


which basically means that you refuse to put up with her crap.


----------



## [email protected]

The daughter may be in Psych 101, you know, where they know everything!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Amen to that!!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Hello friends,

After many years, I finally filed for divorce on 12 -28.

I’m sure many of you are asking why it took so long. Well, I was still emotionally attached and thought I loved her, however thinking back and reading all my old posts, its clearly evident that it was toxic and dysfunctional from day 1. 

I can even remember being on the phone with my priest on my honeymoon asking for an annulment because we were in such a HUGE fight.

Anyway, I really need support right now as its HELL at home with her. I’m in my own room and shes in ours. I also had the police over Saturday (actually 2:30AM Sunday) because she kicked me. I wont tolerate physical abuse, no matter how small it may seem. 

Another issue, she told me, as she’s serious, that I need to check myself into a hospital because I have mental issues. My councilor says it’s a form of gas lighting…


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Hello friends,
> 
> After many years, I finally filed for divorce on 12 -28.
> 
> I’m sure many of you are asking why it took so long. Well, I was still emotionally attached and thought I loved her, however thinking back and reading all my old posts, its clearly evident that it was toxic and dysfunctional from day 1.
> 
> I can even remember being on the phone with my priest on my honeymoon asking for an annulment because we were in such a HUGE fight.
> 
> Anyway, I really need support right now as its HELL at home with her. I’m in my own room and shes in ours. I also had the police over Saturday (actually 2:30AM Sunday) because she kicked me. I wont tolerate physical abuse, no matter how small it may seem.
> 
> Another issue, she told me, as she’s serious, that I need to check myself into a hospital because I have mental issues. My councilor says it’s a form of gas lighting…


Well, I am happy for you. But it will be hard for you. 

Has she been served with the papers yet? 

Do you have an idea what you are looking at financially? Not that your peace of mind and self respect are worth any dollar amount. 

And yes, what she is doing is a form of gas lighting, which in and of itself is a form or manipulation... 

Tell us how you are doing...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

She has net been served yet due to holidays. My lawyer said I can either ask her to sign the complaint I have with me, then have it notarized, or have her served. In the frame of mind she’s in right now, I feel she would not sign anything, so I will need to have her served more than likely. 

As far a financially, she has repeatedly asked me to “help” her in terms of getting her an apartment. Not sure what I’m doing about that. Nor do I know what her definition of help is. 

We have only lived in our home for 1.5 years. About $17K in equity now. I will offer her 1/3. ALL the money put in the house 1.5 years ago came from me and the fact that I sold a classic car of mine that I had for 30 years and my pre-marital home I had for 16 years. She has not contributed a dime. 

My 401K has declined over the 6 years we were married, so I'm not too concerned about that. 

I am an emotional mess. 

I think about the good times and it hurts. I don’t like hurting her either. However its toxic and I need to focus on what’s important i.e. my 20 year old sons and my mom.

I was prohibited from talking to my mom (yes she’s 80 and lonely and annoying at times) because my wife says she is a major source of drama. My sons don’t like my wife so they stay away. 

My Dr. put me on Celexa for anxiety. Hope it helps. I don’t know where to start as there has been so much that has happened. She has accused me of mental manipulation and told me if necessary, she will get a restraining order on me. 

So latest incident was:

She went out Saturday night and I went out Saturday night. I went to see a few friends from high school. The weather was starting to get horrible (snow..ice) so I left around 12 midnight and headed home. A normal 25 min ride took me almost 1.5 hours due to weather. When I got home, she came out of the bedroom and screamed at me, “Where the hell have you been”. I said visiting with some fronds from school. She didn’t believe me and said “who”? I should have said none of your business, however be intimidated gave her about 6 or 7 guys I was with. 

She told me to “Get the **** out of her house”. I said No. She said fine I[m going to call the police then. I tried calling a friend of mine (2AM Now) to see if I could spend the night and she told me I had every right to stay in MY house. 

So again I told my wife I was not leaving do she then kicked me in my side towards the door and again screamed her obscenities at me. After this I walked out and called the cops. When they arrived, they simply told me to sleep in one room and her in another. Since I didn’t have any visual injuries, they would not take her in.

Also worth noting, Christmas was my 50th bday. Worst bday in my life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Absolutely DO NOT leave your house! You did the right thing in calling the police when she kicked you, that is so far out of line I just cant even wrap my brain around wtf she is thinking...

DO NOT LISTEN to anything that comes out of her mouth, she is blame shifting and gaslighting the crap out of you. Disengage and implement the 180. Document everything, her outbursts, any abuse, etc. Also do not help her find an apartment, she is a big girl and needs to take care of her own crap. Honestly I was not expecting things to go off the rails the way it has, and you need to keep your head down and stay the course. What a psycho, seriously. 

Best of luck to you, keep posting so we can keep encouraging you.


----------



## MattMatt

Get a court order on her?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> Absolutely DO NOT leave your house! You did the right thing in calling the police when she kicked you, that is so far out of line I just cant even wrap my brain around wtf she is thinking...
> 
> DO NOT LISTEN to anything that comes out of her mouth, she is blame shifting and gaslighting the crap out of you. Disengage and implement the 180. Document everything, her outbursts, any abuse, etc. Also do not help her find an apartment, she is a big girl and needs to take care of her own crap. Honestly I was not expecting things to go off the rails the way it has, and you need to keep your head down and stay the course. What a psycho, seriously.
> 
> Best of luck to you, keep posting so we can keep encouraging you.


Thank you for the words of encouragement.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

MattMatt said:


> Get a court order on her?


^^^^^

See about a restraining order. That will also get her out of the house. She sounds unhinged.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I think about the good times and it hurts. I don’t like hurting her either. However its toxic and I need to focus on what’s important i.e. my 20 year old sons and my mom.


Those 'good times' must be far and very few between, because in one of your past posts, you said you were actually on the phone with your priest (if I remember correctly) - *during your* *honeymoon* - telling him you want an annulment because you were having such a bad fight.

That was your HONEYMOON!!!

The writing was on the wall the day you married this parasite. Hell, it was there before you married her, you just chose to ignore it.

PS: the 'help' Miss Self Entitled probably wants from you in order to get an apartment is the deposit she needs to put down (usually first month's rent and the security) and she probably also needs you to co-sign the lease since her lazy ass doesn't want to work.

I wouldn't sign SQUAT for her.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I was prohibited from talking to my mom (yes she’s 80 and lonely and annoying at times) because my wife says she is a major source of drama. My sons don’t like my wife so they stay away.





> She told me to “Get the **** out of her house”. I said No. She said fine I[m going to call the police then. I tried calling a friend of mine (2AM Now) to see if I could spend the night and she told me I had every right to stay in MY house.


*Time to find your balls,* don't you think?

You're like this timid little child who keeps allowing this arrogant witch to tell him what to do, when to do it, and how to do it because you don't have the cajones to stand up for yourself. 

Jesus, just STOP with the scared rabbit routine..

The reason this ****-show wasn't over long ago when it *should have been *is due to your inability to stand up to this vile woman once and for all. 

Time to start running the show, don't you think?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

She'sStillGotIt said:


> *Time to find your balls,* don't you think?
> 
> You're like this timid little child who keeps allowing this arrogant witch to tell him what to do, when to do it, and how to do it because you don't have the cajones to stand up for yourself.
> 
> Jesus, just STOP with the scared rabbit routine..
> 
> The reason this ****-show wasn't over long ago when it *should have been *is due to your inability to stand up to this vile woman once and for all.
> 
> Time to start running the show, don't you think?


Yes, it is time to start running the show! I have been told by a few friends (including my X-wife) to grow some.


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Yes, it is time to start running the show! I have been told by a few friends (including my X-wife) to grow some.



Listen, when you get out of this mess, OMG what a mistake that one was... But when you get out...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, get some therapy and figure out why you are just so conflict avoidant and frankly, no offense, just plain weak. 

I will bet that you are a decent looking guy, I will bet that you are good at your job, and you actually have a job... I mean DUDE, there is not rational reason for you to be this way. 

And for the love of everything holy, DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, at all, until you have had enough therapy to figure out what the deal is. 

I bet you just lost your way somewhere along the road of life. All you have to do, is figure this crap out and you can move on, find a GREAT woman an have a happy live... 

Please consider this. And if you are in therapy now, find a new therapist for goodness sake...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Thanks to a dear friend of mine, I finally realized that I did loose my way many years ago. I'm going to put that sad person to rest and come out of this better than ever! 

You are right. I'm a good looking 6'1" tall guy with a 6 figure job.

I will keep posting the craziness, for entertainment purposes only. 

Thank you BluesPower.


----------



## Decorum

There is some wiring in our animal brain that drives us to mate guard. It is the reason that a male lion rushes headlong into the ferocious claws and teeth of a competing interloper.

It is completely normal. 

We also have enough self awareness to question the meaning of the loss of a mate, and to be aware of the feelings we have regarding it.

That cognizance is also what keeps us from beating the snot out of a competitor she was unfaithful with because, eh!, she is not worth the jail time.

Your (our) weaknesses or insecurities sit on top of that native wiring. Don't be to hard on yourself. Chart a new way of thinking (and habits) out of them, with whatever help you need and, I hope have a much better life.
It has been a long road for you.
Take care!


----------



## Wolfman1968

Get a VAR and carry it on you, for your own protection.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Hello friends,

Having a rough day today. We "talked" yesterday and agreed to be civil. We were going to talk about who gets what. She does not want me to use a lawyer because she cant afford one. She told me if I use a lawyer she will make me pay for hers.

I have heard that this may not be true, however it is what it is until I talk to my lawyer tomorrow. She does not know I filed. Again, she wants to file "together" and use no lawyers. 

So we talked and she asked for 50% house equity, several pieces of furniture (that I am still making payments on). Then she asked for my 2 year old Golden Doodle. I could not even believe this as we just rescued him a year ago from a small apartment. He now has 3 acres in the county to run and loves it. At this point I got up from our talk and left without saying a word. I know now, I will need to use my lawyer. 

She tried to call me and I did not answer. Then she tried to text me..and I did not reply....then she texted again telling me to forget it, I can keep the dog. I still did not reply.

So this morning, she addresses me in a VERY happy voice "Good morning"...Then she hugs me and says "can we be friends today"?..in a very sweet voice....

What the hell is that??

Now as I type this she comes in and asks me if I want to go take a drive by the water and get an ice cream. I don't get this.

I need to get otta here today.


----------



## Prodigal

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So this morning, she addresses me in a VERY happy voice "Good morning"...Then she hugs me and says "can we be friends today"?..in a very sweet voice....
> 
> What the hell is that??
> 
> Now as I type this she comes in and asks me if I want to go take a drive by the water and get an ice cream. I don't get this.
> 
> I need to get otta here today.


It is merely her thinly veiled attempt to "nice" you into giving her what she wants. Classic manipulation technique. Nothing more.


----------



## MattMatt




----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Just looking for words of wisdom. I have butt loads of anxiety this morning...….


----------



## jlg07

Just stick to your plan. Your wife's actions WILL confuse you and make you doubt if what you plan is the way to go, but it really does sound like she is trying to "nice" you so that she gets what SHE wants with no regard to how it will affect you. Take some deep breaths and maybe go work out to de-stress.
Sorry you are going through this!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Thank you.

She wants to be "friends" through all of this (unlike her X which she told me she wishes would have been better). I think when she finds out I got a lawyer the friends thing will be out the door....that's where most of my anxiety is coming from.


----------



## jlg07

You can't control her or her reactions to what you do. You can only control how YOU react to the situation. Think things through of what you think her reactions may be, and just run that in your head so that you know how to react to all the various scenarios. Keep the response to her cool, calm, and zero emotions (i.e., don't let her see you sweat!).

The fact that you got a lawyer and are protecting YOUR interests is something she doesn't like, well, there are a lot of things in life we don't like. Tough. You need to protect YOUR interests, not hers anymore.


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Hello friends,
> 
> Having a rough day today. We "talked" yesterday and agreed to be civil. We were going to talk about who gets what. She does not want me to use a lawyer because she cant afford one. She told me if I use a lawyer she will make me pay for hers.
> 
> I have heard that this may not be true, however it is what it is until I talk to my lawyer tomorrow. She does not know I filed. Again, she wants to file "together" and use no lawyers.
> 
> So we talked and she asked for 50% house equity, several pieces of furniture (that I am still making payments on). Then she asked for my 2 year old Golden Doodle. I could not even believe this as we just rescued him a year ago from a small apartment. He now has 3 acres in the county to run and loves it. At this point I got up from our talk and left without saying a word. I know now, I will need to use my lawyer.
> 
> She tried to call me and I did not answer. Then she tried to text me..and I did not reply....then she texted again telling me to forget it, I can keep the dog. I still did not reply.
> 
> So this morning, she addresses me in a VERY happy voice "Good morning"...Then she hugs me and says "can we be friends today"?..in a very sweet voice....
> 
> What the hell is that??
> 
> Now as I type this she comes in and asks me if I want to go take a drive by the water and get an ice cream. I don't get this.
> 
> I need to get otta here today.


I have not even read what anyone else has written about this post, so if I repeat, sorry...

But I think you know what this is, she is MANIPULATING YOU... 

Now, you must understand that for what it is. I think she understands that she is on her way out, and she want to either butter you up to get a better deal, or be nice enough to get you to cool your jets on the divorce...

This behavior is the reason you are divorcing her in the first place, it is just that she has been using the berating and beating you down part of manipulation and now she is using the carrot...

So brother don't fall for it, and get out quick. 

Give her ONLY what she is entitled to by law and send her on her way....


----------



## Prodigal

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She wants to be "friends" through all of this ... I think when she finds out I got a lawyer the friends thing will be out the door....that's where most of my anxiety is coming from.


What exactly is making you anxious? Are you going into what-if thinking mode? What if she pulls a gun on you? What if she physically attacks you? What if she calls the cops and files a bogus assault charge?

What do YOU think she is going to do? Are you afraid of her? If so, why not just stay strong and be firm? She may still go haywire, but if you don't balk and respond to her lunacy, it may just get her to return to rationality if she goes off.

JMO.


----------



## Ursula

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Hello friends,
> 
> Having a rough day today. We "talked" yesterday and agreed to be civil. We were going to talk about who gets what. She does not want me to use a lawyer because she cant afford one. She told me if I use a lawyer she will make me pay for hers.
> 
> I have heard that this may not be true, however it is what it is until I talk to my lawyer tomorrow. She does not know I filed. Again, she wants to file "together" and use no lawyers.
> 
> So we talked and she asked for 50% house equity, several pieces of furniture (that I am still making payments on). Then she asked for my 2 year old Golden Doodle. I could not even believe this as we just rescued him a year ago from a small apartment. He now has 3 acres in the county to run and loves it. At this point I got up from our talk and left without saying a word. I know now, I will need to use my lawyer.
> 
> She tried to call me and I did not answer. Then she tried to text me..and I did not reply....then she texted again telling me to forget it, I can keep the dog. I still did not reply.
> 
> *So this morning, she addresses me in a VERY happy voice "Good morning"...Then she hugs me and says "can we be friends today"?..in a very sweet voice....
> 
> What the hell is that??
> 
> Now as I type this she comes in and asks me if I want to go take a drive by the water and get an ice cream. I don't get this.*
> 
> I need to get otta here today.


Definitely retain a lawyer, and the bolded above is manipulation.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Last night during my counseling session I finally had a "light bulb" moment. I finally realized that I viewed my wife as a trophy wife due to my insecurities growing up and into adulthood. In the past, I needed the "cool car"...toys...money...and now hot wife to define me. 

I really feel this is why, when she acts the way she does to me, I back down. I feel like, my trophy should always shine, so I'm bad for making her mad..."...how dysfunctional this is. 

She boosted my self esteem. I felt respected because of her. Even in church, the ladies would come up to us, "You 2 are just the most beautiful couple"...BARF

I was also told that I act this was because I have not had a daughter. Some men act out their instinctive behaviors with their wives as they may with daughters.

Anyway, last night was one of the best night sleeps I have had in a long time.


----------



## Lostinthought61

There is nothing so beautiful as the acknowledgement of self worth


----------



## MattMatt

@Isitmeoramicrazy Some years ago, my wife and I had neighbours who were crazy. Absolutely nuts.

Eventually they split up.

And the weird thing was whilst she stayed crazy, he began to become normal and sane.

Living with her had made him crazy, when she was out of his life, he stopped being crazy and began to act like a rational human being.

We were told this by their two daughters who we met a couple of years later. They said: "We wish our dad had left her years before. She made us miserable with her craziness."


----------



## Decorum

Work your plan, but focus on the outcome.

The "in between stuff" are just the steppings stones to crossing over.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

She's threatening me telling me that I'm going to have to pay for her attorney costs. Several people have told me that this is not true. I would like your opinion.


----------



## jlg07

ping your lawyer and ask.


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She's threatening me telling me that I'm going to have to pay for her attorney costs. Several people have told me that this is not true. I would like your opinion.


She can certainly ask for it but that doesn't mean the judge will grant it. Sometimes each party pays for their own costs-just depends on the case. You can ask for anything, really. And as usual, she has zero clue what she's talking about. She's trying to scare you. You're the one who lawyered up, not her. I laughed when she suggested you share a lawyer. Not a snowball's chance in hell.

But of course ask your lawyer. And quit listening to her. She is absolute poison. She is such a walking cliche. It's laughable.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Definitely Ask your lawyer, but tell her "No actually I'm going to make YOU pay for my lawyer".


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So this morning I got..."This is me and you here. I don't know who you are talking to, however I don't have thousands of dollars for a lawyer. I don't know why you and I can't come to an agreement." I said, "So you feel you are entitled to 50% equity of the house when I put all the money down?" She said yes. There is only $18K equity so she wants $9K.

She said "I left my house to come live with you 6 years ago". The fact is, her house went into foreclosure.

Then she tells me that when her daughter lived with us and went to school we got a $2K tax credit each year...Are you kidding me? She lived with us rent free forever!

Bottom line, I really don't think her and I will come to an agreement. I need to dis-engage.


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So this morning I got..."This is me and you here. I don't know who you are talking to, however I don't have thousands of dollars for a lawyer. I don't know why you and I can't come to an agreement." I said, "So you feel you are entitled to 50% equity of the house when I put all the money down?" She said yes. There is only $18K equity so she wants $9K.
> 
> She said "I left my house to come live with you 6 years ago". The fact is, her house went into foreclosure.
> 
> Then she tells me that when her daughter lived with us and went to school we got a $2K tax credit each year...Are you kidding me? She lived with us rent free forever!
> 
> Bottom line, I really don't think her and I will come to an agreement. I need to dis-engage.


Buddy let me give you a piece of advice.
Give her the nine grand if she agrees to get out of your house for good.
It’s not even a month’s salary for you but look at the peace you will have.


----------



## dubsey

You'll spend more than 9k on attorney fees. Even if it feels wrong, it's not about a fair split, it's about cost benefit at this point.


----------



## Tron

If $9k is all it takes to get her out of your house and out of your life, you need to jump on that...like yesterday.

Lawyers will burn through 9 grand in less time than it takes to take a dump.


----------



## Ynot

OP I was married for 24 years and not once during that entire time did my ex ever pay a single dime on any bills we had. Bet when we got divorced and sold the house, she got half of the equity. In addition she had a 401K and a new car that she owned free and clear, which I agreed not to consider in the final arrangement. 
For several years afterwards I felt a great deal of resentment because, she really should have been giving me money instead of taking mine. But my friends told me, and it has since proven to be true, that it was the best money I ever spent. First off I got rid of her and second off, now no one can say that I put my ex out on the street. 
Whatever happens to her from that point was on her. Both my kids have told me she is terrible with money and is on the verge of being homeless because of it. So sad, too bad, not my problem. 
OTOH, I now have more money than I ever did when I was married. Have my own home. I have more in retirement than I ever had before (I left with $0) and far more than she had when we divorced.
I also have a friend who decided to fight for the principle of it. It took over 7 years to resolve all the issues and he spent WAY more money on attorneys than he ever would have gained according to his principles.


----------



## a_mister

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So this morning I got..."This is me and you here. I don't know who you are talking to, however I don't have thousands of dollars for a lawyer. I don't know why you and I can't come to an agreement." I said, "So you feel you are entitled to 50% equity of the house when I put all the money down?" She said yes. There is only $18K equity so she wants $9K.
> 
> She said "I left my house to come live with you 6 years ago". The fact is, her house went into foreclosure.
> 
> Then she tells me that when her daughter lived with us and went to school we got a $2K tax credit each year...Are you kidding me? She lived with us rent free forever!
> 
> Bottom line, I really don't think her and I will come to an agreement. I need to dis-engage.


I'm going to second all the people saying "$9k is a deal", but while I could be wrong, it sounds to me like she's desperate. Maybe she's afraid of what will come out if your lawyer goes spelunking through any bank accounts you don't know about, or that you know something about her conduct that will tip the scales heavily in your favor.

If I'm following along, you have a six figure income and she wants to walk for $9k? She's not doing this in the spirit of generosity. Take a deep breath and consider the possibility that you have the upper hand.


----------



## Nucking Futs

a_mister said:


> I'm going to second all the people saying "$9k is a deal", but while I could be wrong, it sounds to me like she's desperate. Maybe she's afraid of what will come out if your lawyer goes spelunking through any bank accounts you don't know about, or that you know something about her conduct that will tip the scales heavily in your favor.
> 
> If I'm following along, you have a six figure income and she wants to walk for $9k? She's not doing this in the spirit of generosity. Take a deep breath and consider the possibility that you have the upper hand.


Yes, consider this then write her the check. $9k is a major bargain.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Wanted to update you all.

I came home from dinner with my son on Saturday, around 7PM, and found a note taped to my bedroom door. It said, "Probably staying the night at my brothers". She has never stayed away overnight like this, however it is what it is. Also, she hates her brother. 

So you all would be proud of me, I texted her at 11PM and finally told her, "I filed" stay at your "Brothers". She replied "Finally - I will". I plan to have her served Tuesday.

Issue 2 - I withdrew my savings account on Friday and left $115 in checking. On Saturday I saw she spent $112 of it at Meijer. I went to the store and they actually gave me a copy of the receipt. It was for food and household items. Upon checking at home, 3/4 of the products she bought were not at home. i.e. paper products that we already had....food that was on list that was not in refrigerator etc...I think she either bought for her 25 year old daughter or she's stocking up for her move. In my opinion, stealing either way...

Issue 3 - She keeps locking me out of my bathroom. It's the main for when I need to shower in the morning. Can I remove the lock?


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I hope everyone had a good weekend.
> 
> Wanted to update you all.
> 
> I came home from dinner with my son on Saturday, around 7PM, and found a note taped to my bedroom door. It said, "Probably staying the night at my brothers". She has never stayed away overnight like this, however it is what it is. Also, she hates her brother.
> 
> So you all would be proud of me, I texted her at 11PM and finally told her, "I filed" stay at your "Brothers". She replied "Finally - I will". I plan to have her served Tuesday.
> 
> Issue 2 - I withdrew my savings account on Friday and left $115 in checking. On Saturday I saw she spent $112 of it at Meijer. I went to the store and they actually gave me a copy of the receipt. It was for food and household items. Upon checking at home, 3/4 of the products she bought were not at home. i.e. paper products that we already had....food that was on list that was not in refrigerator etc...I think she either bought for her 25 year old daughter or she's stocking up for her move. In my opinion, stealing either way...
> 
> Issue 3 - She keeps locking me out of my bathroom. It's the main for when I need to shower in the morning. Can I remove the lock?


Of course you can remove the lock,and even the door if you wish.
Will you please please please stop being such a ****ing doormat.


----------



## BluesPower

Andy1001 said:


> Of course you can remove the lock,and even the door if you wish.
> Will you please please please stop being such a ****ing doormat.


This times a 1000... 

And gee how do you know she is at her brothers? Just asking...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Wanted to update you all.

It's been since my last post with zero talking between the 2 of us. A good thing in my mind!

She decided to go to my lawyers office to pick up and sign the summons. Now my lawyer is waiting for her lawyer to contact him.

Per my last post I removed the bathroom door knob as well. This solved the issue with her locking me out of the bathroom.

I went grocery shopping yesterday for the fist time ever alone...kinda weird...all in all a quiet weekend.

More to follow when I see how much money she feels entitled to....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Good to see that you are feeling pretty positive and getting some peace!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Tried to get into bathroom this morning and now she had a nightstand propped in front of the door. Are we 50 or 5?


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Tried to get into bathroom this morning and now she had a nightstand propped in front of the door. Are we 50 or 5?


She does not want you to bother her while she is sexting and texting with her affair partner? 

How inconsiderate can you be? 

BTW, when is she moving out?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I WISH I KNEW WHEN SHE WAS MOVING OUT...….

That is the question of the month....I think she went to her lawyer today (If she got one).

She works for a Jewish law firm as a debt collector, so I'm sure her boss, who always shelters her, will help her either financially or with a lawyer...


----------



## Mr.Married

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Tried to get into bathroom this morning and now she had a nightstand propped in front of the door. Are we 50 or 5?


I would have kicked the door off the hinges then through it out in the front yard, but that's just me. YMMV.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Mr.Married said:


> I would have kicked the door off the hinges then through it out in the front yard, but that's just me. YMMV.


 I'd likely do the same. Both of us would probably end up with DV charges.


----------



## Adelais

No need to kick it off and damage the door and frame. Just take it off the hinges so you can put it on later.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Araucaria said:


> No need to kick it off and damage the door and frame. Just take it off the hinges so you can put it on later.


 Bathroom doors generally open into the bathroom hence you can't get to the hinge pins from the outside. That being said put the knob back on and open it with a small screwdriver when she locks it. All passage locks are unlockable. If it's a pushbutton lock you just push a small screwdriver or icepick, etc. into the hole of the knob will unlock it. If it's a twist lock, small flat blade screwdriver twisted in the hole will unlock it.

The best solution is for her to be out of the house for good. I know that time can't come soon enough.


----------



## Adelais

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Tried to get into bathroom this morning and now she had a nightstand propped in front of the door. Are we 50 or 5?


Just wondering if there is only one bathroom in the house that requires the two of you to share, and she is hogging it all to herself.


----------



## jlg07

just remove the door already, and remove ANY of them where she may try to do this. Also put a lock on YOUR bedroom to keep her out.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Araucaria said:


> Just wondering if there is only one bathroom in the house that requires the two of you to share, and she is hogging it all to herself.


Good morning,

Yes, we only have 1 bathroom and she hogs it. I know this is only temp, so I am holing my tongue.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Monday update:

So Saturday in church I see her. She has her **** leather pants on. Whatever. A friend of mine calls me and said he saw her at a local pick up bar later that evening....(No, I don't care).

Sunday morning after she leaves for where ever the hell she goes now I need something in her closet. I walk in and see she has placed some crotch-less panties on top of her dirty clothes. There was actually 2 pair, one of which was something I never saw before. I wish I could post pics here. 

So my thoughts are, she WANTED me to see these skimpy skivvies. She does not normally wear stuff like that.....


----------



## personofinterest

1st of all, tell your friends you don't want to hear any updates about what she is doing or where she is. 2nd, don't even look in her direction if you don't have to.


----------



## lucy999

I know you're hurting and I'm sorry for that. But I've said it before. Your STBX is SUCH a walking cliche. Of course she wanted you to see those crotchless panties. Lol how unoriginal. Y-A-W-N.

You must get to the point of not caring-perhaps care for the poor sucker who gets her next, but not caring about her.


----------



## a_mister

At some point, she's likely to conclude the grass is not so green and start to panic, putting on desperate displays to try to get you to believe she's changed.

Don't fall for it. She hasn't.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh yeah, those garments were planted for you to see. Make sure you dont say a word about them.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I wont say a word about them....


----------



## OnTheFly

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh yeah, those garments were planted for you to see. Make sure you dont say a word about them.


Would it be wrong to get a brown permanent marker and draw in a skid mark.......?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

This is them":

https://www.barenecessities.com/sev...513x_product.htm?pf_id=SeventilMidnight10513X


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

OnTheFly said:


> Would it be wrong to get a brown permanent marker and draw in a skid mark.......?



I want to do that!! That's awesome!!!


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> This is them":
> 
> https://www.barenecessities.com/sev...513x_product.htm?pf_id=SeventilMidnight10513X


Yeah, for those, you don't really need to doubt at all that she was/is having an affair, or at the very least she was going to sleep with the guy. 

So, at least you can have some comfort about that, if you call that comfort...


----------



## Decorum

Deepest need = security.

Ability to attract men = perceived security.

It is all she has.

Did you ever find out if anything happened with the man she left the bar with way back when she was not talking to you?

I find it hard to believe she was ever faithful during your rough patches.

You will enjoy your freedom.


----------



## Adelais

I didn't look at the link you provided. All I thought was "crotchless panties....why bother wearing any at all if you aren't concerned with keeping your clothes clean?"


----------



## BluesPower

Araucaria said:


> I didn't look at the link you provided. All I thought was "crotchless panties....why bother wearing any at all if you aren't concerned with keeping your clothes clean?"


By that rational, why where garters and hose or thigh high stockings.... 

Because is looks good and it is sexy...


----------



## Adelais

BluesPower said:


> By that rational, why where garters and hose or thigh high stockings....
> 
> Because is looks good and it is sexy...


Garters and hose are for the legs. Panties are to keep one's clothes clean. 
They have uses, and can also be pretty or sexy. One doesn't exclude the other.

I actually wore hose with pretty garters for years, and never forgot to put on my panties!:surprise:


----------



## BluesPower

Araucaria said:


> Garters and hose are for the legs. Panties are to keep one's clothes clean.
> They have uses, and can also be pretty or sexy. One doesn't exclude the other.
> 
> I actually wore hose with pretty garters for years, and never forgot to put on my panties!:surprise:


Yes but crouch less panties don't really keep your cloths clean. The are pretty, but they have only one use. 

Just to get back to the thread...


----------



## Adelais

BluesPower said:


> Yes but crouch less panties don't really keep your cloths clean. The are pretty, but they have only one use.
> 
> Just to get back to the thread...


I know, she is actively cheating on him. But she is filthy too.

OP, sorry you are going through this. Did you take care of the bathroom door problem?


----------



## lucy999

People, it's a thong. No big whoop. Not sure why they were entitled as crotchless panties. Not as salacious as it sounds.


----------



## lucy999

BluesPower said:


> Yes but crouch less panties don't really keep your cloths clean. The are pretty, but they have only one use.
> 
> Just to get back to the thread...


Not true. No visible pantylines is a big deal for some women. And they do make thong pantiliners to keep things sanitary. 

But I digress. Carry on.


----------



## Chaparral

Find some of that prank itc powder and put on her clean panties. It will give her areal itch to scratch


----------



## Adelais

OK. After @lucy999 said they are not crotchless I looked at the link. They are crotchless, AND thongs. She is a skank.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

She did not come home last night . I went in her bedroom where she's been sleeping and she took her things from our bedroom. When I got home from work she was not home. 

Her makeup is gone, 1000 pair of shoes are gone, the only thing that is left right now or the clothes hanging in her closet and in her drawers. I have school tonight and I have a feeling she's going to clean the rest of the stuff out. I'm feeling like I should stay home from school so I can see what's going on but I'm not sure.


----------



## jlg07

Make sure that anything of value of YOURS is safely put someplace she can't get to it.....
Was this planned that she was moving out now?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

No.... we have not talked to each other in 3 weeks since the last Saturday night when she did not come home. I have no idea if she has an apartment ...I have no idea if she is moving in with her daughter ...im Clueless.

She even took a couple of pieces of artwork off the wall that's really did belong to her. Nothing left but some nails reminds me of the Grinch story little bit.

I'm thinking about putting a tracker on her car just to protect me.


----------



## jlg07

AS long as she hasn't taken anything of yours -- I would video the entire place, including closets, attics, pantry, etc..
Document what she has taken and make sure your lawyer has all of this. Did you at least have some sort of agreement in place as to what you would split? If not, make sure your lawyer knows this.


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> She did not come home last night . I went in her bedroom where she's been sleeping and she took her things from our bedroom. When I got home from work she was not home.
> 
> Her makeup is gone, 1000 pair of shoes are gone, the only thing that is left right now or the clothes hanging in her closet and in her drawers. I have school tonight and I have a feeling she's going to clean the rest of the stuff out. I'm feeling like I should stay home from school so I can see what's going on but I'm not sure.


Do not leave tonight or she will clear everything she can carry. Change the front and back door lock immediately. If she threatens legal action just tell her that the locks broke.
But do something ffs.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So yesterday when I realized that some of the things were missing I did videotaped the whole house. I can't believe it's coming down to this.

We favour a specific type of coffee. It's relatively expensive. When I ran out a couple of weeks ago I wondered why I ran out so quickly. Upon further investigation in her nightstand I found two baggies with coffee in it. Absolutely ridiculous...


----------



## jlg07

she is being a vindictive little *****. I agree with Andy -- change the locks. If she is gone, she has no right to come and go as she pleases. Yeah, they were broken so I needed to change them....
Do it TODAY before she can come back.

YOU go through and pack up her stuff into garbage bags and tell her to arrange for a time for her to come and collect it.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Okay I will go pick up some locks this morning. She is a skank I feel like a fool not knowing this years ago. She was my trophy wife. She filled a void that I was missing somewhere along my life.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Tell me what you think. I was thinking about writing out a little note and stapling it to her unmentionables that I found. And say something like "this just proves what a skank you always were... I feel sorry for the next man will you trap."... or do I just let it go?


----------



## Tasorundo

Just move on. Protect your stuff and don't leave juvenile insults that wont make a bit of difference. If anything it will just give her more justification in her mind.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Tell me what you think. I was thinking about writing out a little note and stapling it to her unmentionables that I found. And say something like "this just proves what a skank you always were... I feel sorry for the next man will you trap."... or do I just let it go?


Let it go. She wants a reaction from you, so dont give it to her.


----------



## a_mister

She'll use anything you do in anger to try to establish that you are the problem, and will take pleasure in knowing you care. Don't do it.

Agree with the above that she's going to strip the place like a stolen car if you let her. Make her break in.


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Tell me what you think. I was thinking about writing out a little note and stapling it to her unmentionables that I found. And say something like "this just proves what a skank you always were... I feel sorry for the next man will you trap."... or do I just let it go?


Don’t do that it is immature. 
However.......You could write a note advising her to see her gynecologist about whatever discharge is burning the crotch out of her underwear!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I want to thank you all for your support over the past 8 years!

I changed my locks at lunch.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Andy1001 said:


> Don’t do that it is immature.
> However.......You could write a note advising her to see her gynecologist about whatever discharge is burning the crotch out of her underwear!


Right, thats waayyyy more mature.


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I want to thank you all for your support over the past 8 years!
> 
> I changed my locks at lunch.


Get ready. The Kraken cometh.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lucy999 said:


> Get ready. The Kraken cometh.


HA this made me laugh!!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Kraken?


----------



## StillSearching

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Kraken?


----------



## Decorum

You should avoid any unnecessary conflict. 

It is good advice to bag her stuff up have it near the door.

Don't engage with her, don't discuss the marriage at that time, be strong on this.

"Take your things and go, if need be we can discuss it another time, then move away.

If you are there have a friend there and your phone recording at least the sound.

Dont let her come back and not be able to get in.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Good morning friends…..well….she moved out.

I feel good!


----------



## lucy999

Congratulations!!!! Doing the happy dance for you. What a relief. Good morning indeed.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Against my lawyers best judgement, I changed all my locks. She came in last week when I was at work and took some stuff..Key word is stuff....it can be replaced. My peace of mind cant.

I called the local Sherriff and told him what I did so there was no surprises. He said I did the right thing by putting the rest of her things in the garage where she still has access too, however legally, she could break my locks to get in as she is still on the title.

The cop said they could not break in, only her.

She took:

Trunk in bedroom
Ninja blender
Blue Ray Player
Portable vanity in bathroom
Wall art
The worst was she took a new tube on my toothpaste...lol


----------



## jlg07

Sounds like most of what she took you probably would give her anyway when you D, yes?
Don't sweat it. You've got it covered now.


----------



## lucy999

She took the Ninja blender???? That right there is divorce worthy. I love my ninja blender.


----------



## BluesPower

lucy999 said:


> She took the Ninja blender???? That right there is divorce worthy. I love my ninja blender.


Hey, don't joke about that kind of stuff. Appliances matter. My ex wife had the audacity to ask if we could share custody of the slow cooker. WTF??? She already took the turkey roaster I had to buy another one.

She has never made a meal in MY slow cooker...

Some lines should never be crossed. I told her that if it mattered, we would have to go to court about that one.

No way she was getting the slow cooker, no way...


----------



## lucy999

.


----------



## Lostinthought61

you shoudl have held on to her fancy underwear as hostage in case she tries to come back.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

You guys crack me up..lol

So now after the dust settles, negotiations will begin. My lawyer is still waiting to heat back from her lawyer. 

Dum...da dum...dum...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Looking back, I cant even believe it took 8 years and 24 pages of this site to get me where I am at now.


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Looking back, I cant even believe it took 8 years and 24 pages of this site to get me where I am at now.


In all sincerity, please do whatever you have to do to NOT EVER GET INTO THIS TYPE OF SITUATION again. 

Therapy, whatever, just do it...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Happy Monday all.

No new updates. Still NO communication with her for 3.5 weeks. Saw her at a church function last Wednesday. She sat in the opposite side of the room. She had someone sit so she could not see me. lol.....

I have been keeping myself busy by cooking my own dinners for the past 10 days with out going out to eat. Focusing on my Masters in Theology that I am in...Seeing a few girls here and there (NO I WONT!! Relax)….

Just trying to keep busy.

I left my lawyer a message today as to next steps.....


----------



## Lostinthought61

don't you love hypocrites that go to church....have you ever asked her how in the world she can continue to lie, and cheat, break your vows over and over again and still go to church...that is the only word that comes to mind...that i would call her. talk about being hubris


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Hello-

Kinda got into a funk Saturday after several weeks of strength.

I got home Saturday night around 11PM and heard loud music outside. Upon my investigation, I see that my neighbor has about 8 to 10 cars in her driveway including my STBX!!!

We will call my neighbor Gary and Carrie. They have always been friendly with me and my STBX. About 2 months ago Carrie came over to tell me her and Gary will be neutral during this issue between my wife and I.

I don't know why, however I feel angry they invited my STBX to Carrrie's birthday party Saturday night and not me..

Part of my wants to believe my STBX was there to try to get a rise from me....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ugh, that sucks, I can understand why you got upset. Has your STBX been closer with them than you have been over the years?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

My STBX and I have had an equally positive friendship with our neighbor. We used to all go out on weekends....coffee in mornings...party's....

We have only known them for 2 years.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Hello-
> 
> Kinda got into a funk Saturday after several weeks of strength.
> 
> I got home Saturday night around 11PM and heard loud music outside. Upon my investigation, I see that my neighbor has about 8 to 10 cars in her driveway including my STBX!!!
> 
> We will call my neighbor Gary and Carrie. They have always been friendly with me and my STBX. About 2 months ago Carrie came over to tell me *her and Gary will be neutral during this issue between my wife and I.*
> 
> I don't know why, however I feel angry they invited my STBX to Carrrie's birthday party Saturday night and not me..
> 
> Part of my wants to believe my STBX was there to try to get a rise from me....


Interesting way to display their "neutrality".


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I know I need not let this bother me, however it does. I suppose in time I will heal.

Also, this is new I forgot to mention.

STBX and or her Council did not reply in the allotted 21 Days after she was served. I understand that any Judge has the right to do what they want, however I hope this goes in my favor. 

I have an appointment this Wednesday to review all my marital debit with my lawyer. This amount of debt will be subtracted from the equity that she "feels she's entitled to". She may end up owing me money if the cards fall right. 

Anyway, it's been nice without her in the house for the past couple of weeks.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Hey i would give your neighbor a call and ask them why you were not invited.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Lostinthought61 said:


> Hey i would give your neighbor a call and ask them why you were not invited.


"Oh, we thought it would be awkward for you with your wife there and everything...".


----------



## Lostinthought61

Nucking Futs said:


> "Oh, we thought it would be awkward for you with your wife there and everything...".


then how did you settle on her instead of me? probe until they get the point.


----------



## jlg07

I would actually flat-out talk to your neighbors and tell them that they obviously have chosen sides, so they don't need to bother talking with you anymore. Who needs people like that in your life.


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> My STBX and I have had an equally positive friendship with our neighbor. We used to all go out on weekends....coffee in mornings...party's....
> 
> We have only known them for 2 years.


They are now YOUR neighbors not your wife’s.
Just ignore them and if they make an issue out of it tell them it’s obvious they have changed their mind about remaining neutral and you won’t embarrass them by remaining on speaking terms.
Just remember that they will be telling her about anything or anyone the see at your house.
So wouldn’t it be awful of you to hire a Ferrari or a Lamborghini for a weekend and park it exactly where they can see it.


----------



## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> They are now YOUR neighbors not your wife’s.
> Just ignore them and if they make an issue out of it tell them it’s obvious they have changed their mind about remaining neutral and you won’t embarrass them by remaining on speaking terms.
> Just remember that they will be telling her about anything or anyone the see at your house.
> So wouldn’t it be awful of you to hire a Ferrari or a Lamborghini for a weekend and park it exactly where they can see it.


Hire a hottie to drive him around in it as well?:wink2:


----------



## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> Hire a hottie to drive him around in it as well?:wink2:


You’ll find if you have a Lamborghini parked at your door the hotties arrive soon after.
No hiring needed lol.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

I'd bet they invited her because it was the wife's birthday party, if it had been the husband's they would have invited you. At least that's what they will say and it would make sense. Either that or they are full of **** on not taking sides.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Thanks all! I laughed out loud at work reading these.....

So here is the latest. I did something I may maybe shouldn't have....

So since they moved out (Her and her daughter) their mail has been stacking up. Since, they now have an official change of address documented.

Last week I found yet another pair of her underwear that I know she placed strategically. 

Anyway, I did this - I took her undies, folded them nicely, took all the mail and placed the undies hidden in between. 

Not knowing their address, I sent them to the high school where her daughter teaches 12th grade.

Welp, I got a voice mail yesterday from the sheriff department to call them....:O


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I explained to the deputy that my intentions were not vindictive, however her mail was piling up and I was not going to be accused of throwing anything out, including her undergarments, so I folded them up and enclosed them with the mail.

I told him this would not happen again and he “seemed” ok with my response.

My lawyer finally called me back. Basically, a poor decision on my part. 

Whatever…..


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I explained to the deputy that my intentions were not vindictive, however her mail was piling up and I was not going to be accused of throwing anything out, including her undergarments, so I folded them up and enclosed them with the mail.
> 
> I told him this would not happen again and he “seemed” ok with my response.
> 
> My lawyer finally called me back. Basically, a poor decision on my part.
> 
> Whatever…..


I bet it felt good though didn’t it. Lol. 😁😁😁
I just thought about something,when your wife was coming around removing stuff,I wonder was it your neighbors who were tipping her off that you weren’t around.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Andy1001 said:


> I bet it felt good though didn’t it. Lol. 😁😁😁
> I just thought about something,when your wife was coming around removing stuff,I wonder was it your neighbors who were tipping her off that you weren’t around.


You touch on a good point, however my STBX knows my work and school schedule. Probably why she was always careful to be gone before I got back home.

Yes - it did feel good! I'm not putting up with her crap anymore.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Ok possible new issue....

My 9mm Sig pistol is missing....I filed a missing firearm report last week with my sheriff. 

It disappeared after her and not sure who else, cleaned out her crap the Monday and Tuesday before her permanent departure. 

I always keep my guns locked up, however my 9mm is always in my closet....

I was going to text her about it, however not sure how to word it without sounding threatening...


----------



## dubsey

Just ask if anyone helped her move stuff out. She'll of course ask why, and mention that you couldn't find it in the closet, and you've reported it missing/stolen, but she may want to look through her stuff and see if it got put in there by mistake.


----------



## Andy1001

dubsey said:


> Just ask if anyone helped her move stuff out. She'll of course ask why, and mention that you couldn't find it in the closet, and you've reported it missing/stolen, but she may want to look through her stuff and see if it got put in there by mistake.


Send her a text saying you have reported your firearm missing and the sheriffs department wants to know exactly who was in the house and particularly if they have a gun license. 
Then wait.....
I’ll bet it turned out she “accidentally” packed it with her stuff.


----------



## dubsey

also, search high and low first just to make sure they didn't move it just to f'with ya and get a reaction.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I'm so glad I asked you all. That's great advice. 

I tore my home apart over the weekend. I even looked in the attic to see if she hid it....


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

There is a possibility that she has blocked me from cell which would mean she wont get my texts. If she doesn't reply within a day, should I go through her best friend to relay the message?


----------



## lucy999

Have your lawyer send her letter or give her a call.


----------



## jlg07

Since this deals with firearms, I'd have your lawyer handle this...
Plus, if it is from a lawyer (requesting details of who was in the house and possible prosecution, she may get the message how serious this is).


----------



## Malaise

Just tell police the gun was last seen before your ex removed things from the house.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So I texted her at 8:30 am this morning and I still don't have a reply (2:15PM).

It's odd - she cut ties with me instantly when she moved out.


----------



## jlg07

as you should be doing also.... cut ties. Why would you want to be friends with her?


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> It's odd - she cut ties with me instantly when she moved out.


It's not odd at all. She lost her meal ticket. She has no use for you anymore. I don't say that to hurt your feelings.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

jlg07 said:


> as you should be doing also.... cut ties. Why would you want to be friends with her?


Good morning - It's odd to me because in the past, we break up, go have a few drinks, and then she eventually calls me. 

This time she has dropped communication 100%. Just something I am not used to.

She left things in my house that I would have bet she would have taken.....


----------



## Lostinthought61

i like the idea of filing a police report on your missing gun, this way there is a trail that can not be undone if that gun is ever used maliciously.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Lostinthought61 said:


> i like the idea of filing a police report on your missing gun, this way there is a trail that can not be undone if that gun is ever used maliciously.


Yes, I filed a report....the Sheriff asked me a ton of questions.

He was glad that I reported it missing, especially because of recent chain of events.

I still don't have a reply from her from my text yesterday morning.


----------



## Chaparral

Why didn’t you have your lawyer contact her? Your wife and a gun is scary.


----------



## Lostinthought61

what kills me is that she has been cheating on your for years but your the bad guy...cheaters suck.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Chaparral said:


> Why didn’t you have your lawyer contact her? Your wife and a gun is scary.


Because I don't have firm evidence.


----------



## lucy999

Double post


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Because I don't have firm evidence.


So what? Your lawyer could've posed a very formal and terse question about it and informed her the authorities have been notified. Don't underestimate the power in a mere letter with a law firm's letterhead at the top.

You epically failed by contacting her. You're supposed to be detaching.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> So what? Your lawyer could've posed a very formal and terse question about it and informed her the authorities have been notified. Don't underestimate the power in a mere letter with a law firm's letterhead at the top.
> 
> You epically failed by contacting her. You're supposed to be detaching.


Well, I'm sure failure is learning......


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Well, I'm sure failure is learning......


True. Sorry if I was too harsh.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> True. Sorry if I was too harsh.


It ok, I just want my damn gun back.


----------



## dubsey

I'd think the gun went to whomever helped her, but you'll never know who that was... 

get a ring doorbell or some other security measure as well, so you can at least see who's coming and going and when.

If you think she's capable of stealing the gun (or unwittingly letting someone in the house who is capable), she's capable of worse.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

All-

I got this email from my lawyer today. What does it mean?


I have heard from her lawyer. Instead of setting aside the default, I am going to prepare a judgment over the weekend. If you agree, I will send it to them. We also have a court date for April 11, so we have time to resolve the case before then.


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> All-
> 
> I got this email from my lawyer today. What does it mean?
> 
> 
> I have heard from her lawyer. Instead of setting aside the default, I am going to prepare a judgment over the weekend. If you agree, I will send it to them. We also have a court date for April 11, so we have time to resolve the case before then.


Your lawyer possibly feels she is being unreasonable with her demands and thinks you will do better in front of a judge. 
There is at least one lawyer on tam who insists that the partner with unreasonable demands in a divorce is always the one who pushes for mediation rather than going before a judge. 
While you may be sympathetic and give away more than is strictly necessary just to see the back of your wife,a judge may only give her the bare minimum that she is entitled to.


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> All-
> 
> I got this email from my lawyer today. What does it mean?
> 
> 
> I have heard from her lawyer. Instead of setting aside the default, I am going to prepare a judgment over the weekend. If you agree, I will send it to them. We also have a court date for April 11, so we have time to resolve the case before then.


I am not a lawyer. And this is just my theory.

Did she not answer your divorce pleading? If not then default judgment was taken. Then she got a lawyer who filed a motion to set aside the default judgment. Your lawyer has set a trial date. In the meantime he has drafted a settlement agreement (judgment) to see if she will agree and sign, avoiding trial. If not its hi ho, hi ho, off to trial you go.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> I am not a lawyer. And this is just my theory.
> 
> Did she not answer your divorce pleading? If not then default judgment was taken. Then she got a lawyer who filed a motion to set aside the default judgment. Your lawyer has set a trial date. In the meantime he has drafted a settlement agreement (judgment) to see if she will agree and sign, avoiding trial. If not its hi ho, hi ho, off to trial you go.




Correct. She did not reply in the 21 days as stipulated. My lawyer filed a default because of that. He told me he was preparing a judgement this weekend.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I'm trying to understand how her being in default sways to my benefit.....


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Well, I don't even know where to start....I was served yesterday with a PPO from her AND her daughter.


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Well, I don't even know where to start....I was served yesterday with a PPO from her AND her daughter.


What did your lawyer say? And you had BETTER abide by that PPO to the letter or you're toast.


----------



## farsidejunky

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Well, I don't even know where to start....I was served yesterday with a PPO from her AND her daughter.


Did you ever report the gun as being stolen?

Now the police are going to think you are bull****ting them if they have to take your guns due to the PPO.

Wake the **** up. She is out to destroy you. Everyone saw this coming but you.

This is what denial has earned you. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> What did your lawyer say? And you had BETTER abide by that PPO to the letter or you're toast.


I am in the process of sending it to him right now.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

farsidejunky said:


> Did you ever report the gun as being stolen?
> 
> Now the police are going to think you are bull****ting them if they have to take your guns due to the PPO.
> 
> Wake the **** up. She is out to destroy you. Everyone saw this coming but you.
> 
> This is what denial has earned you.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Yes! I reported is being stolen 2 weeks ago.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Well, I don't even know where to start....I was served yesterday with a PPO from her AND her daughter.


Oh good lord... was this from when you sent the mail and underwear to the school??


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh good lord... was this from when you sent the mail and underwear to the school??


Yes - The one from her daughter. Claims she opened it in front of her 12 grade students.

As far as STBX's PPO, she claims I filed a police report on my stolen 9mm to eliminate me from the picture if she ends up you know what! Unbelievable.

Says the dogs are gone.

Has text messages from months ago from me telling her I just got home from Dr. and they put me on anxiety meds...pics of the bathroom door with the knob off. 

Pic of me burning trash in the burn barrel. Claims I was going through trash looking for receipts or something....pic of a small camera I had in my car; claims it was a tracker. 

Claimed I removed things from the home when in fact I moved them to the garage in back so she would not take them.

Pics of our bank account showing I moved the money.

Painted a picture of me as a head case who is an alcoholic.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow, what a piece of work. Well now you have the perfect excuse to stay the hell away from her.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, what a piece of work. Well now you have the perfect excuse to stay the hell away from her.


My question is this:

If I see her at my neighbors house, can I call the cops? Or do I need to file a PPO as well?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Good question, I am not sure about that. Does the order specify a distance that must be maintained?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> Good question, I am not sure about that. Does the order specify a distance that must be maintained?


So I called to police dept. The only way I can call the cops on her is if I also have a PPO on her.

It says "Within eyes sight".


----------



## lucy999

This is obvious but don't do a thing without your lawyer's blessing. Update us on what he has to say.


----------



## Affaircare

@Isitmeoramicrazy, 

The PPO you had served on you is a TEMPORARY protective order until there can be a trial in front of a judge to make it permanent or not. 

Thus, between now and the court date for the permanent PPO, stay as far away from her and her daughter as night is from day. I mean it--follow that thing to the letter until the trial (which is usually about 2-3 weeks away). Just avoid them!!

However, ALWAYS carry a small VAR with you. In the very off chance you accidently run into them (and I mean it--like in the grocery store or bank), just pull out the VAR, hold it up and say "This was not intentional. I am recording this for both of our protection. I give my consent to record. If you speak, I will take that as your consent. If you do not consent, please don't speak to me." If she talks, she just negated the PPO and simultaneously gave her consent to record (so that even two-party states would be satisfied). If she does not talk, you have proof it wasn't intentional and you did not harm or threaten her in any way so she can't lie about being afraid for her life or some other B.S.

In about 10 business days, you will have your chance to go before a judge and read a statement explaining your side. You'll also be able to present evidence. She will have to present evidence why it should be made permanent, and you will have a chance to refute her evidence. 

It would be smart to look at the things she used as her "reasons" for the temporary one, and find documentable proof why those are either false or misleading. Remember, just your memory won't work but something ON PAPER or a time-stamp--that kind of documentation--does work. Do you have a calender where you documented what has happened? What you did--what she did? If not, do that NOW and you will be able to submit that. Try to think of the things she is likely to say, and try to come up with defenses to her statements, and don't sugar-coat her potential to outright lie. And while you're in the courtroom, do not speak to her or stand near her or ANYTHING. Speak to your lawyer or the judge ONLY!!

Here are the kinds of things that would be good evidence: 

medical records about your "anxiety"
police report about the stolen gun
date-stamped photos of the dogs fine and dandy
receipt of new door knob you put on the bathroom
owner's manual PDF of small camera, indicating it doesn't track and is only a small camera
photos of what you mailed to her
photos of what the package looked like
photos of where you stored stuff (that is not missing...just stored)
bank statement from before you moved funds, and after (so you can prove you only moved half, as is your right)
calendar filled in with documentation of events that day
any other documents you think would help the judge understand what really happened.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> This is obvious but don't do a thing without your lawyer's blessing. Update us on what he has to say.


​
I will for sure......


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Affaircare said:


> @Isitmeoramicrazy,
> 
> The PPO you had served on you is a TEMPORARY protective order until there can be a trial in front of a judge to make it permanent or not.
> 
> Thus, between now and the court date for the permanent PPO, stay as far away from her and her daughter as night is from day. I mean it--follow that thing to the letter until the trial (which is usually about 2-3 weeks away). Just avoid them!!
> 
> However, ALWAYS carry a small VAR with you. In the very off chance you accidently run into them (and I mean it--like in the grocery store or bank), just pull out the VAR, hold it up and say "This was not intentional. I am recording this for both of our protection. I give my consent to record. If you speak, I will take that as your consent. If you do not consent, please don't speak to me." If she talks, she just negated the PPO and simultaneously gave her consent to record (so that even two-party states would be satisfied). If she does not talk, you have proof it wasn't intentional and you did not harm or threaten her in any way so she can't lie about being afraid for her life or some other B.S.
> 
> In about 10 business days, you will have your chance to go before a judge and read a statement explaining your side. You'll also be able to present evidence. She will have to present evidence why it should be made permanent, and you will have a chance to refute her evidence.
> 
> It would be smart to look at the things she used as her "reasons" for the temporary one, and find documentable proof why those are either false or misleading. Remember, just your memory won't work but something ON PAPER or a time-stamp--that kind of documentation--does work. Do you have a calender where you documented what has happened? What you did--what she did? If not, do that NOW and you will be able to submit that. Try to think of the things she is likely to say, and try to come up with defenses to her statements, and don't sugar-coat her potential to outright lie. And while you're in the courtroom, do not speak to her or stand near her or ANYTHING. Speak to your lawyer or the judge ONLY!!
> 
> Here are the kinds of things that would be good evidence:
> 
> medical records about your "anxiety"
> police report about the stolen gun
> date-stamped photos of the dogs fine and dandy
> receipt of new door knob you put on the bathroom
> owner's manual PDF of small camera, indicating it doesn't track and is only a small camera
> photos of what you mailed to her
> photos of what the package looked like
> photos of where you stored stuff (that is not missing...just stored)
> bank statement from before you moved funds, and after (so you can prove you only moved half, as is your right)
> calendar filled in with documentation of events that day
> any other documents you think would help the judge understand what really happened.



Many thanks for your wisdom.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So here is an e-mail from my lawyer:

"We have fourteen days to file a motion to set aside the PPO's. She and her daughter filed the PPO's themselves, so her lawyer is not involved.


The hearings are scheduled by the Court. I hope we can get a date before your church events on April 20. I will review and call you tomorrow after my court hearing."


Comments??


----------



## Lostinthought61

i would file a PPO on her, not sure about the daughter, that you are in fear she make kill you with your own gun and with her telling the police you are unstable that you took your own life. protect yourself asap. 
Do you have a evidence of her cheating over the years....i would also have that available as well, in your back pocket.


----------



## a_mister

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> My question is this:
> 
> If I see her at my neighbors house, can I call the cops? Or do I need to file a PPO as well?


In the jurisdictions I'm familiar with, a protective order is strictly one-way and comes with mandatory arrest provisions.

It is not uncommon for people to secure these and then intentionally go to places they expect to encounter their ex in order to force an arrest, and that may be what your wife has in mind. The law will be on her side by default. After that, she will be able to say that you are an accused criminal with a contempt charge and paint you as an abuser to try to get a leg up during the divorce.

It's also very possible that she will put her daughter up to serving as a second witness to claims you approached them somewhere or were driving past their house, whatever. I would suggest that you start maintaining a record and evidence of your whereabouts. 

farsidejunky is right about your denial. I think everyone here warned you about the (understandable) impulse to try to get a dig in and how it would be used against you, and that you wouldn't profit by trying to communicate with her directly. Please do listen to us now and don't spend a night in jail.

Your attorney should fight this vigorously. An order of protection is a significant curtailment of your freedom whether you realize it or not, and will likely show up in the computer at traffic stops, potentially significantly changing the tone of your future interactions with police officers. 

She can even just go get a part-time job at your favorite place - or even your place of employment - to prevent you from going there anymore as a form of harassment. There are cases of social media "likes" being used as grounds for arrest, and of people creating fake social media accounts pretending to be their ex and contacting themselves in order to repeatedly have their ex arrested. (In the case I'm thinking of, the prosecutor only became aware he was being played when he realized one of the accounts had been created while he knew he'd already put the ex in jail.)

Don't think she won't. She has taken the initiative and filed first, and your cross-filing will not likely be viewed with much sympathy as long as she has a shred of credibility. Instead, the judge may just assume you're doing it to further harass her. Take this seriously, it's no joke. She's better at being a terrible person than you are.

EDIT: Another thought. Federal law prohibits people subject to certain types of restraining orders from owning firearms, and you may be required to surrender it to the court. She could be vindictively retaliating against you for trying to get your gun back, trying to make sure that even if you recover it, you can't have it.


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Comments??


I wonder if her attorney knows she filed the PPOs? If your attorney thinks the PPO can be overturned, file that motion to set aside.

This is turning into an epic ****show. No surprise. I think I told you she would not go quietly into the night. 

I will repeat. OBEY THE PPO TO THE LETTER.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Have the locks been changed on your house so she does not have access? 
It would look pretty bad if your pistol just happened to turn up in your house after she claims you falsely reported it. She or your daughter could put it back in the house while you are at work. 
You really need to watch yourself here. She is out to ruin you, believe it.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Rubix Cubed said:


> Have the locks been changed on your house so she does not have access?
> It would look pretty bad if your pistol just happened to turn up in your house after she claims you falsely reported it. She or your daughter could put it back in the house while you are at work.
> You really need to watch yourself here. She is out to ruin you, believe it.


Locks have been changed. I'll probably take hell for that too......


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> I wonder if her attorney knows she filed the PPOs? If your attorney thinks the PPO can be overturned, file that motion to set aside.
> 
> This is turning into an epic ****show. No surprise. I think I told you she would not go quietly into the night.
> 
> I will repeat. OBEY THE PPO TO THE LETTER.


Good question...I know she did not use her attorney for the PPO, so maybe not.

Yes, my lawyer is trying to get a court date to try and get it overturned. 

Please pray for me. I'm not a bad guy.


----------



## Lostinthought61

if she asks you why the locks are changed, tell her that you think you were broken into because your gun is missing...and you filed a police report.. end of story.


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Good question...I know she did not use her attorney for the PPO, so maybe not.
> 
> Yes, my lawyer is trying to get a court date to try and get it overturned.
> 
> Please pray for me. I'm not a bad guy.


No one here, IMO, thinks you are a bad guy. 

I personally think you were stupid to EVER stay with her for more than five minutes, but no, not a bad guy. 

I am just hoping the when this crap is over that you learn something about yourself, and dare I say grow... And that you learn something about women...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

BluesPower said:


> No one here, IMO, thinks you are a bad guy.
> 
> I personally think you were stupid to EVER stay with her for more than five minutes, but no, not a bad guy.
> 
> I am just hoping the when this crap is over that you learn something about yourself, and dare I say grow... And that you learn something about women...


Thank you my friend. Women....well, I learned one thing.....I will protect myself with what little time I have left on this earth.


----------



## lucy999

Lostinthought61 said:


> if she asks you why the locks are changed, tell her that you think you were broken into because your gun is missing...and you filed a police report.. end of story.


Wrong! There is a PPO in place. They should not be communicating with eachother .


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Good morning-

April 11th is scheduled divorce hearing.

April 18th is scheduled PPO hearing.

Please pray for me.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Good morning-
> 
> April 11th is scheduled divorce hearing.
> 
> April 18th is scheduled PPO hearing.
> 
> Please pray for me.


You got it! Just try to stay out of trouble until then, LOL


----------



## lucy999

Sending much positivity your way!!! Best of luck!! No shenanigans, now. Keep your nose clean.


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## jlg07

isitme, I know your divorce hearing is coming up -- just wanted to say good luck. I hope you have a solid plan and stick to it.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

jlg07 said:


> isitme, I know your divorce hearing is coming up -- just wanted to say good luck. I hope you have a solid plan and stick to it.


Thank you so much!!!

Yes, it's this Thursday!! I'm very nervous....after all these posts and years....it's finally coming to an end!!


----------



## jlg07

Just checking in -- how did your court date go today?
I hope all went in your favor!


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

ok, I dont even know where to start...whew...deep breath...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So my court date was the 11th. 

I get a call on the 10th from my lawyer at 4PM telling me that I do not have to go to pre-trial.

This is going to be a meeting between her lawyer, my lawyer and the judge. Per my Lawyer, the judge wants to know is me and her are "playing nice".

So along with my date on the 11th, I also had the PPO hearing date scheduled for the 18th. 

THEN....she filed a motion to have me pay for her lawyer fees which got scheduled on May 24.

Soooooooo....the Judge told both lawyers that he wants all three issues on one date. SO we are now targeting May 24.! UGHHHHH


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Here is the latest issue:

We always filed JOINT MARRIED for our taxes.

She was not cooperating and I was going to have to file MARRIED SEPARATE which would have cause me to pay the IRS $5600 and her $1300.

She finally submitted her tax info and if we file MARRIED JOINT, we now would "only" owe $1900.

HOWEVER,,,,,she wants a stipulation that I PAY THE $1900, not her!!


----------



## Andy1001

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Here is the latest issue:
> 
> We always filed JOINT MARRIED for our taxes.
> 
> She was not cooperating and I was going to have to file MARRIED SEPARATE which would have cause me to pay the IRS $5600 and her $1300.
> 
> She finally submitted her tax info and if we file MARRIED JOINT, we now would "only" owe $1900.
> 
> HOWEVER,,,,,she wants a stipulation that I PAY THE $1900, not her!!


Do you know why divorce is so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.


----------



## jlg07

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So my court date was the 11th.
> 
> I get a call on the 10th from my lawyer at 4PM telling me that I do not have to go to pre-trial.
> 
> This is going to be a meeting between her lawyer, my lawyer and the judge. Per my Lawyer, the judge wants to know is me and her are "playing nice".
> 
> So along with my date on the 11th, I also had the PPO hearing date scheduled for the 18th.
> 
> THEN....she filed a motion to have me pay for her lawyer fees which got scheduled on May 24.
> 
> Soooooooo....the Judge told both lawyers that he wants all three issues on one date. SO we are now targeting May 24.! UGHHHHH


Well that sucks -- just another delay. I HOPE your lawyer is going to fight all this with vigor! PPO and lawyer fees -- BS -- and I hope your lawyer will take that stance.


----------



## jlg07

@Isitmeoramicrazy, just checking up on you.. how are you holding up? I know that may 24th still seems like AGES to wait. How is your attorney going to attack these issues? I hope they have a good solid plan for you..


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So here we go. Yesterday I received 137 interrogatory questions. I also received a request to pay $10,000 and her attorney fees and I also received her daughters request for me to pay $3300 in her attorney fees based on the PPO that she filed.

I am reluctant to see what my attorney said on this web for fear there may be a mole, however the questions and requests for all this money are absolutely ridiculous.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

May 23 is my first hearing regarding PPO’s, her motion to have me pay for her lawyer fees, and the return of marital assets that I had to move because she was moved out of the house and kept withdrawing money bouncing checks left and right which I had no control of.

Then there is another date in June for a settlement hopefully.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I hope your attorney fights all of it. The whole PPO thing is just absurd and out of line, in my opinion. You pose no threat to her.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Amen. Her sister called me today. They don’t speak to each other. Her sister is discussed in both her and her daughter for filing the PPOs. 

She told me that she saw stbx at a shower on Sunday. She said she looks like hell. Aging quickly I guess. 

Her sister started to cry telling me that I never say anything bad about stbx. The whole situation just sucks.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I read my post what I meant to say was she wants me to pay her $10,000 lawyer fees. What causes someone to go out and find a $400 an hour lawyer who Inly makes $15 an hour?

Did I mention that she works for a lawyer? She works for a lawyer and I was told by my lawyer that she retained her lawyer through her boss.


----------



## Affaircare

@Isitmeoramicrazy, 

Just a note: when people make motions and whatnot, they will often "shoot for the moon" with the hope that they then "negotiate down" to a deal that's still better for their side, but also they can say that they compromised (sure--from a ridiculous position to something realistic). 

My advice to you remains pretty much the same: DO NOT under any circumstance break the PPO. Protect your own self by carrying a VAR or phone that can record if you do accidentally run into each other (and I mean accidentally). Take her request as the baloney it is and let it go--your attorney will do what's required legally. She asked, and through your attorney your answer is "no." Do not pay her one thin dime until a judge orders it. The daughter's attorney fees are not part of the divorce, so ignore that because for both PPOs all you have to do is prove they were unnecessary and do not need to be made permanent, and you shouldn't be asked to pay for their fees. (Imagine STBX's joy when she realizes that SHE will have to pay for her own self and fees!)


----------



## lucy999

This is all run of the mill boilerplate stuff. Nothing out of the norm.


----------



## jlg07

Just make sure your lawyer will fight this vigorously! Don't let them back down.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So please let me know your opinion on this. My lawyer and her lawyer talked regarding the PPO. Her lawyer agreed to drop the PPO if there is a statement in the divorce decree saying that I will have zero contact with my soon to be ex forever.


For some reason I have an issue with this simply because we live in a small community and the chances of me never running into her are almost impossible.


----------



## jlg07

I think that would need to be worded in such a way as to be enforceable for extremes, but not incidentals (like running in to her in the grocery store).
You lawyer needs to be good to make sure there aren't any loop holes that can get you thrown in jail.

Also, since there is really no basis for the restraining order, what does your lawyer think about just waiting until end of May and getting it thrown out completely? I think THAT, and clearing your name, is better...


----------



## Deejo

Know the terrain upon which you find yourself deployed.

You know you travel.

I'm presuming she knows you travel. And she tacitly accepted that by saying 'yes' to marriage with you.

You can be supportive but must be firm. This is her issue to deal with ... else I'd suggest you be prepared to end #2.

Make no mistake, this is on her, and it is completely and utterly unreasonable. 

Or ... if you really love this woman ... quit, and find something else. But that is hardly a viable solution. Hell, what sales or white collar job DOESN'T involve some degree of travel these days?

Not even really worth explaining that 'traveling' is not a requirement for infidelity. 

I have exactly one post from you about the nature of your wife, and I gotta tell ya', it makes me wince. Is this behavior isolated to the travel issue, or does it spill over into other interactions?


----------



## Malaise

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So here we go. Yesterday I received 137 interrogatory questions. I also received a request to pay $10,000 and her attorney fees and I also received her daughters request for me to pay $3300 in her attorney fees based on the PPO that she filed.
> 
> *I am reluctant to see what my attorney said on this web for fear there may be a mole, *however the questions and requests for all this money are absolutely ridiculous.


Have this moved to Private


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Deejo said:


> Know the terrain upon which you find yourself deployed.
> 
> You know you travel.
> 
> I'm presuming she knows you travel. And she tacitly accepted that by saying 'yes' to marriage with you.
> 
> You can be supportive but must be firm. This is her issue to deal with ... else I'd suggest you be prepared to end #2.
> 
> Make no mistake, this is on her, and it is completely and utterly unreasonable.
> 
> Or ... if you really love this woman ... quit, and find something else. But that is hardly a viable solution. Hell, what sales or white collar job DOESN'T involve some degree of travel these days?
> 
> Not even really worth explaining that 'traveling' is not a requirement for infidelity.
> 
> I have exactly one post from you about the nature of your wife, and I gotta tell ya', it makes me wince. Is this behavior isolated to the travel issue, or does it spill over into other interactions?


Oh it has moved into wayyyyy more than just the travel issue..


----------



## Deejo

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Oh it has moved into wayyyyy more than just the travel issue..


Not surprised by that news.

I'll also caution you as to the folly of trying to deal reasonably with unreasonable requests.


----------



## Deejo

Man I'm sorry. I just realized that I responded thinking this was all relatively new.


----------



## SunCMars

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So please let me know your opinion on this. My lawyer and her lawyer talked regarding the PPO. Her lawyer agreed to drop the PPO if there is a statement in the divorce decree saying that I will have zero contact with my soon to be ex forever.
> 
> 
> For some reason I have an issue with this simply because we live in a small community and the chances of me never running into her are almost impossible.


I agree, an accidental contact may have some unforeseen legal consequences. Just let her lawyer know that you are happy in not ever contacting her, but do not want to be punished for some odd meeting.
Forever, is a long time.





[THM]- KB


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

On May 23 at 9AM I will be in court for my first hearing. It's a motion she filed to have marital assets (cash) moved back into our joint bank account.

We are talking about under $10K and it was all left to me from my dad who passed 2 years ago. 

I moved it because she moved out, without telling me, and had access to it. She was withdrawing and bouncing checks. I had no control or communication with her, so I moved it. 

Since then, I helped my 80 year old mother put a new roof on her house so most of it is gone. 

I have a house and household expenses to take care of. I felt like it was like me giving my debit card to a stranger and saying by the way...here is my PIN.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Inheritance from your dad, to my knowledge, is NOT a marital asset.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> Inheritance from your dad, to my knowledge, is NOT a marital asset.


Kinda what my lawyer said too....just checking...


----------



## Affaircare

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> On May 23 at 9AM I will be in court for my first hearing. It's a motion she filed to have marital assets (cash) moved back into our joint bank account.
> 
> We are talking about under $10K and it was all left to me from my dad who passed 2 years ago.
> 
> I moved it because she moved out, without telling me, and had access to it. She was withdrawing and bouncing checks. I had no control or communication with her, so I moved it.
> 
> Since then, I helped my 80 year old mother put a new roof on her house so most of it is gone.
> 
> I have a house and household expenses to take care of. I felt like it was like me giving my debit card to a stranger and saying by the way...here is my PIN.


So, @Isitmeoramicrazy, you do realize we are not attorneys in your state, right? We don't even know what state you are in...and these things do vary from state-to-state. 

That being said, here's just some very general good advice about the $10k. If it was all left to you from your dad, you can show the will, you can show the date of the deposit and the amount, and you may be able to make a case for saying it's not marital property but YOUR property. The problem may be that you deposited it to joint funds. 

See, if I get an inheritance of any size, and I keep it in a separate account with my name on it, it's pretty easy to prove it's mine alone and has not been intermingled with marital funds. If I get an inheritance and put it in the marital joint account and use some of it for marital things (like buying a marital asset like a car), then it gets muddier because the car would be marital...the entirety of the inheritance kind of got converted would no longer be "yours." 

Now I realize why you felt that way, and it actually makes some reasonable sense. I mean, it was your inheritance AND she was spending it without your consent AND she was bouncing checks, causing financial damage. I think if you present documentation (like the will, the date and amount of deposit from your statement, the date and amount of withdrawal from your statement, the documented spending without your consent from your statement, and the documentation of bounced checks and fees incurred) that all of these will show you acted to protect the asset whereas she was actiing to deplete the asset without your involvement. 

However, I'll be honest...I could see a judge saying that $5k was hers "to do with as she pleases" because you put it into marital funds and comingled it. That's my honest guess "worst case scenario"--that you'll be ordered to return $5k. Best case scenario, get all that documentation to your lawyer to he can present EVIDENCE (not your opinion, not your "feelings" but hard, cold evidence in a court of law) to back up your claim. 

Long story short, courts are NOT about justice or doing the right thing--courts are all about who can manipulate the law best and who can present the best paperwork trail to back up their claim.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Affaircare said:


> So, @Isitmeoramicrazy, you do realize we are not attorneys in your state, right? We don't even know what state you are in...and these things do vary from state-to-state.
> 
> That being said, here's just some very general good advice about the $10k. If it was all left to you from your dad, you can show the will, you can show the date of the deposit and the amount, and you may be able to make a case for saying it's not marital property but YOUR property. The problem may be that you deposited it to joint funds.
> 
> See, if I get an inheritance of any size, and I keep it in a separate account with my name on it, it's pretty easy to prove it's mine alone and has not been intermingled with marital funds. If I get an inheritance and put it in the marital joint account and use some of it for marital things (like buying a marital asset like a car), then it gets muddier because the car would be marital...the entirety of the inheritance kind of got converted would no longer be "yours."
> 
> Now I realize why you felt that way, and it actually makes some reasonable sense. I mean, it was your inheritance AND she was spending it without your consent AND she was bouncing checks, causing financial damage. I think if you present documentation (like the will, the date and amount of deposit from your statement, the date and amount of withdrawal from your statement, the documented spending without your consent from your statement, and the documentation of bounced checks and fees incurred) that all of these will show you acted to protect the asset whereas she was actiing to deplete the asset without your involvement.
> 
> However, I'll be honest...I could see a judge saying that $5k was hers "to do with as she pleases" because you put it into marital funds and comingled it. That's my honest guess "worst case scenario"--that you'll be ordered to return $5k. Best case scenario, get all that documentation to your lawyer to he can present EVIDENCE (not your opinion, not your "feelings" but hard, cold evidence in a court of law) to back up your claim.
> 
> Long story short, courts are NOT about justice or doing the right thing--courts are all about who can manipulate the law best and who can present the best paperwork trail to back up their claim.


Your comments are clear and well written. 

Thank you for your feedback.

Thank you all again for sticking with me for the past 7 years on this ONE thread!!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

This Thursday....first court date....UGHHHH....

I DO NOT want to see her...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Good luck! Sending positive vibes!


----------



## jlg07

Just keep your head up, stick to your plan, and ignore any BS she tries. She may not try anything either.
Just make sure you lawyer is firm and has a good clear plan to win your cases.


----------



## lucy999

Best of luck. Hoping it will go well.


----------



## SongoftheSouth

Good luck man. Something that stuck with me from a while back: you learn more from your failures than your successes. View this as a learning experience as much as it sucks. All the best.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So, how did things go?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> So, how did things go?


Court is Thursday....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Court is Thursday....


You can tell what kind of week I'm having!! :laugh:


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> You can tell what kind of week I'm having!! :laugh:


No worries...I'm so full of anxiety I could puke....

My lawyer was supposed to work a deal on the PPO's, return of marital funds and her lawyer fees. As of Tuesday he has not communicated with him to my knowledge. 

Final date is June 13. This is just to work out the 3 issues mentioned above.


----------



## Mr.Married

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Your comments are clear and well written.
> 
> Thank you for your feedback.
> 
> Thank you all again for sticking with me for the past 7 years on this ONE thread!!


OOOhhhh...don't worry about it. We are just trying still to figure out if it is you, or your just crazy :grin2:


----------



## CDR No Longer Lost

Sir, I hope for your sake that tomorrow's court proceeding finds you a step closer to the elimination of this mentally ill rattlesnake from your life.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Amen


----------



## lucy999

How did court go yesterday?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Well I don’t even know where to begin. I fired my attorney. He was an hour and a half late for court. 

I couldn’t get a hold of him in the morning. When he arrived I found out he never negotiated with her lawyer so he attempted to do that in the morning of.

Her lawyer would not agree on anything that my lawyer proposed ..So we were forced to go in front of the judge.

My wife was dressed in tight black pants with 9 inch stilettos. It looked like she was going to try out for the cast of Peg Bundy. 

Long story short both PPOs stand and will be reevaluated at the time of divorce in June. The $11,000 that I moved out of my savings account that was willed to me by my father I have to give her half in the next 10 days. This was because I deposited it in our marital funds account did not keep it separate.

You guys better sit down when I tell you this one.

Her lawyer is now asking for $37,000 in attorney fees from me.

My lawyer never filed my answers to the PPO allegations so I was made to look like a complete and utter fool. 

I hired a very expensive woman divorce attorney.


----------



## jlg07

well that sucks. very sorry to hear that. I had a bad feeling about your lawyer -- i don't remember exactly what you typed, but it gave me an impression of someone who wasn't on top of the details and would have a good plan going forward.

Glad that you have the new lawyer, make sure SHE stops all the BS for your STBXW attorney fees, etc.. As for the PPO, you don't really want to be around her anyway, so no real loss. JUST BE CAREFUL that she doesn't try to force a situation where you violate it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Well damn... I hope the new attorney actually DOES HER JOB for you! I would be beyond livid!


----------



## lucy999

Well that's not what I was expecting to hear at all. I'm sorry. Here's hoping your new lawyer will get the job done. I'm so mad for you!


----------



## Nucking Futs

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Well I don’t even know where to begin. I fired my attorney. He was an hour and a half late for court.
> 
> I couldn’t get a hold of him in the morning. *When he arrived I found out he never negotiated with her lawyer* so he attempted to do that in the morning of.
> 
> Her lawyer would not agree on anything that my lawyer proposed ..So we were forced to go in front of the judge.
> 
> My wife was dressed in tight black pants with 9 inch stilettos. It looked like she was going to try out for the cast of Peg Bundy.
> 
> Long story short both PPOs stand and will be reevaluated at the time of divorce in June. The $11,000 that I moved out of my savings account that was willed to me by my father I have to give her half in the next 10 days. This was because I deposited it in our marital funds account did not keep it separate.
> 
> You guys better sit down when I tell you this one.
> 
> Her lawyer is now asking for $37,000 in attorney fees from me.
> 
> *My lawyer never filed my answers to the PPO allegations so I was made to look like a complete and utter fool. *
> 
> I hired a very expensive woman divorce attorney.


Did he do anything to earn the fees he charged you? You should sue him for malpractice for failing to file your answers at least.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Nucking Futs said:


> Did he do anything to earn the fees he charged you? You should sue him for malpractice for failing to file your answers at least.


I wrote him a check for $500 after court. Today I cancelled payment on it.

I just don't have words right now...all these years of craziness coming down to her wanted $37,000 in lawyer fees.....i just don't have words.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I wrote him a check for $500 after court. Today I cancelled payment on it.
> 
> I just don't have words right now...all these years of craziness coming down to her wanted $37,000 in lawyer fees.....i just don't have words.


Suing him is on my list....


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Today I will put back into our joint account $5750. I wont touch it....I bet she does...the gold digger she is.

I don't think it will look good in court if she takes it.

I'll take a photo everyday of the account.

The new lawyer is awesome! She is trying to get all paperwork in order. She told me she may need to negotiate a new date due to the amount of work in front of her with my case that the old lawyer failed to do.

The old lawyer never sent the stbx lawyer my interrogatory questions and never filed a motion to have her bank records subpoenaed. 

Current count date is June 13.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So glad to read your lawyer is an upgrade so far! That will help you out so much!


----------



## MattMatt

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Well I don’t even know where to begin. I fired my attorney. He was an hour and a half late for court.
> 
> I couldn’t get a hold of him in the morning. When he arrived I found out he never negotiated with her lawyer so he attempted to do that in the morning of.
> 
> Her lawyer would not agree on anything that my lawyer proposed ..So we were forced to go in front of the judge.
> 
> My wife was dressed in tight black pants with 9 inch stilettos. It looked like she was going to try out for the cast of Peg Bundy.
> 
> Long story short both PPOs stand and will be reevaluated at the time of divorce in June. The $11,000 that I moved out of my savings account that was willed to me by my father I have to give her half in the next 10 days. This was because I deposited it in our marital funds account did not keep it separate.
> 
> You guys better sit down when I tell you this one.
> 
> Her lawyer is now asking for $37,000 in attorney fees from me.
> 
> My lawyer never filed my answers to the PPO allegations so I was made to look like a complete and utter fool.
> 
> I hired a very expensive woman divorce attorney.


Sue your lawyer.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Update-

June 13th is our first settlement conference. I don't anticipate any major progress based on her $37K lawyer fee request. My old lawyer did not ask her lawyer for the discovery in time, so my new lawyer has pleaded for a postponement so we can investigate her funds/assets as well. He lawyer agreed. We are only waiting for Judge to approve.

You guys are not even going to believe what happened to me Friday.....

I was traveling to Canada for work. I was with my boss and our VP of Engineering. We crossed over to Canada OK. Then...well...we came home.

The border guard asked...who is .......I said "me"....he said, "Pull over".

They searched our car and told all of us to go into the border patrol office. The officer then told my boss and the VP to "Go sit over there". He then asked me..."Are you by chance going through a divorce"? I almost **** my pants. 

He proceeded to tell me that his "System" showed an outstanding PPO(s) against me~!!

He told me it says I was never served, when in fact I was. He then told me he would have to read it to me and I would have to agree to it all (again) and be recorded doing so....

Thank God he was also going through a divorce and tried to keep our conversation quiet as to not make it obvious what I was discussing in front of my boss. 

I told him I was going to have to travel to Canada at least once a week. He said I will continue to have issues until it's resolved.

I am so angry. I'm angry because if I did anything bad to my wife I could understand her wanting a PPO. However I didn't do a damn thing!! She's putting me through hell right now!!!!

Once again, I just don't have words for all of this....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh man that sucks.... at least now you know to be prepared when you head into Canada the next time. What a load of crap! I am sorry you are dealing with all this BS!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh man that sucks.... at least now you know to be prepared when you head into Canada the next time. What a load of crap! I am sorry you are dealing with all this BS!


I swear I could write a book!


----------



## lucy999

Wow I am so sorry. Have you thought about reporting your former lawyer to the bar association?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

lucy999 said:


> Wow I am so sorry. Have you thought about reporting your former lawyer to the bar association?


I need to.

However I may wait until this mess I'm in is done in case I need historical data from him.

My new lawyer has requested a transcript from the Judge regarding the monies I am to return to the "Marital" account. Neither lawyer seems to remember exactly what was said.

Do I put it back on our "Joint" account to do I need to get it directly to SBTX?


----------



## lucy999

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> My new lawyer has requested a transcript from the Judge regarding the monies I am to return to the "Marital" account. Neither lawyer seems to remember exactly what was said.
> 
> Do I put it back on our "Joint" account to do I need to get it directly to SBTX?


Umm yikes seems like your new lawyer isn't better than your former one! Who is filing the journal entry as a result of the hearing? You, her, or the judge? That should have all the court orders. Who is bearing the cost of the transcript because the lawyers either can't remember or failed to make a clear record? WTH?!


----------



## TomNebraska

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I need to.
> 
> However I may wait until this mess I'm in is done in case I need historical data from him.
> 
> My new lawyer has requested a transcript from the Judge regarding the monies I am to return to the "Marital" account. Neither lawyer seems to remember exactly what was said.
> 
> Do I put it back on our "Joint" account to do I need to get it directly to SBTX?


Reading through some of this thread, YIKES man! it goes back to 2012, what a horrible 7 1/2 years for you...

My advice for you going forward, regarding your divorce: 

1) attorneys are all busy, and family lawyers are not typically the "best and brightest" of the profession. Even a competent family lawyer is not going to prepare very well for their avg. case, especially one like this, where the assets at stake are in the lower five figures.

2) SO, you're going to need to shoulder more of the burden of reading and remembering things than you might like. Read through all the filings, and keep track of all the numbers. If something doesn't make sense to you, you need to raise your hand and ask someone to explain it. While you can't do this in open court, you can in mediations or in between hearings; and before each of these key junctures, you need to do your own due diligence. 

3) if you know there's a deadline for something, and you haven't heard a peep from your attorney, email or call them a day or two in advance, and ask for an update... like "_Hey, I know we have the hearing/mediation/etc., coming up, and I just wanted to check if you need anything else from me._" or "_ I am a little concerned over XYZ_" You may need to follow up twice. 

4) Remember, even if you think "I'm not a lawyer"... all the law is, is the written word. It should all make sense to everyone, and if it doesn't, there could be an issue there everyone is overlooking.


----------



## TomNebraska

Also, I wouldn't waste time trying to sue your former attorney. No sense trying to squeeze blood from a rock.

If - after this is resolved - you're still sore over his counsel, you can file a complaint about his conduct to the state bar. You're going to need to prepare examples.

In this case though, just sounds like he was sloppy, not that he did anything actionable for them. 

Typically, they don't sanction an attorney unless it resulted in a clear-cut bad outcome for the client, like he missed a hearing completely and the judge ruled against you because of it. 

be prepared to be disappointed again, is all I'm saying.


----------



## jlg07

I would have your new lawyer focus on getting the restraining order squashed as it is now affecting your job. That needs to take focus.

In addition, they should get the documentation updated that you HAVE received it so that you don't have to go through that every time.

Why do they care in Canada? Does your wife live there?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

jlg07 said:


> I would have your new lawyer focus on getting the restraining order squashed as it is now affecting your job. That needs to take focus.
> 
> In addition, they should get the documentation updated that you HAVE received it so that you don't have to go through that every time.
> 
> Why do they care in Canada? Does your wife live there?


I have no idea why it caused an issue crossing back in the USA.

My friend and I are going to Canada after work today and then circling around to go talk to the US Border Patrol to make sure it does not happen again. I need to go back to Ontario for work Monday and don't need this extra aggravation.

I'm assuming I was picked because the system showed that I was never served. Hopefully I can get things cleared up today.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Update - 

My friend and I purposely drove to Canada border around 5pm yesterday, we crossed and turned around for the US border to see why I was detained last Friday.

We went inside the border patrol office and they told me its their "policy" to inspect/pull over all who have PPO's against them and there is absolutely nothing I can do. The agent told me that it will be quick, however still an issue if I have someone with me for work. He said, "you will be asked, is your wife with you?". I say no and I'm on my way. Still a HUGE pain the ass to have to stop every time.

So today at 11AM I have a face to face with my new lawyer. 

Happy Thursday!


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Court tomorrow at 1:30!!!!

Let’s pray for a better outcome!!


----------



## Affaircare

Sending all the good thoughts and positive energy I can muster!


----------



## jlg07

Hope for the best for you. Is this just about the PPO, or all of it???


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

All of it.


----------



## jlg07

How did you make out???? I really hope your lawyer was more forceful (i.e. SHARK) than your last and had all the work done before getting to court...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

So -

I was in court for 4 hours.

My new lawyer was the BEST! She walked in and OWNED the courtroom!

Both lawyers went behind closed doors and talked for 30 minutes.

When they came out there was a list of a few items for future discussion:

1. STBX wants 18 months alimony!!!!! I DO NOT AGREE!!!

2. Home appraisal will be coming soon. Once she does hers, if I don't like it I can get my own. 

3. I need to hand over the $6K (half of what my dad left my in his will) to her next week. HOWEVER...the judgement says reserved. Sooooo this means, from what I am told, that a final decision has not been made. So if she spends it all that's a dumb move. 

4. We need to pick a mediator. 

5. Next date - July 25.


----------



## jlg07

How did you make out with the restraining order?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

jlg07 said:


> How did you make out with the restraining order?



Well, again there is 2.

One from STBX and one from her daughter.

The STBX one is in reserve for discussion at a later date i.e. divorce time. There is talk that her lawyer will request restraining order only (Drop PPO).

The daughters stood. My old lawyer (that I fired) did not object to it so it stands for a year.

I will need to fight this if possible after my divorce.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I saw the stbx last night at a local festival. She was dancing and having a great time. 

I'm sad and dont know why....


----------



## Nucking Futs

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I saw the stbx last night at a local festival. She was dancing and having a great time.
> 
> I’m sad. I don’t know why.


Guess what? If she saw you out there dancing and having a good time she'd be sad. Or mad, one of the two. Either way, get out there and have a good time. Fake it 'til you make it.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I got out there and danced with a girl I brought. I hope my stbx was eating her heart out. I slow danced with her too.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

STBX had my (our) house appraised today.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> STBX had my (our) house appraised today.


And how did that all go?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

3Xnocharm said:


> And how did that all go?


It was an independent female hired by STBX.

I will have the opportunity to hire my own if necessary. 

Results will come out next week regarding appraised value.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Update-

Just received stbx interrogatory questions. She failed to include her bank statements and credit card statements.

hummmmmmm

Lawyer has requested them ASAP.

Thoughts???


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Update-
> 
> Just received stbx interrogatory questions. She failed to include her bank statements and credit card statements.
> 
> hummmmmmm
> 
> Lawyer has requested them ASAP.
> 
> Thoughts???


Well, even as hard as your threads are to follow, it would seem to me that she is STUPID enough to think that she can, even now, hide stuff from you. 

Which begs the question, what has she go to hide? I am betting it will be a lot...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I’m single !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## notmyjamie

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I’M SINGLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Came very late to this thread but I see it's been quite the long haul for you!!!! Hope you got what you wanted from your settlement and that your other issues were resolved!!!


----------



## SongoftheSouth

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I’m single !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Congratulations:smile2: You got out of this relatively cheap and with your sanity. Did house sell?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I’m single !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YAY!!! :toast::woohoo:


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## lucy999

Congratulations!!!!


----------



## jlg07

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I’m single !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Congrats -- sounds like your new lawyer was worth it!
Do you still have to deal with the PPO?


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

SongoftheSouth said:


> Congratulations:smile2: You got out of this relatively cheap and with your sanity. Did house sell?


I got the house....


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

jlg07 said:


> Congrats -- sounds like your new lawyer was worth it!
> Do you still have to deal with the PPO?


YES! New lawyer kicked ass!!!

Yes - PPO is totally separate issue. 

There are 2. One from her daughter (that I mentored for the last 10 years) and 1 from X.

The one from X will be revisited in 2 months to see if I have been playing nice.

The one from daughter will stick until March next year because my X lawyer failed to object in time.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Hello my friends.....here we go again...….

My PPO from last year was due to expire this Friday.....Got served last week and her and her daughter want another year!

The PPO has cost me my job.....issues crossing Canadian border weekly...….just am in shock.


----------



## Livvie

What's a PPO?


----------



## Lostinthought61

have you talked to your lawyer on what grounds they are extending after the problems it has caused you....what basis has she found to extend it? clear example of where she will never take responsibility for her cheating, and will find ways to punish you for disrupting her life.


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## 3Xnocharm

This is insanity... I can’t believe you still have to deal this!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jlg07

Just make sure your lawyer jumps on this ASAP. I would think for it to continue, there would have to be some sort of proof offered.


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## seb345

I dunno I feel like your wife is a tad unreasonable. I mean it's minimal travel requirements and it's a job. I feel like she can be a little bit more understanding especially since you turned down jobs in the past for her sake.


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

I cant believe it either.....

Some of her accusations were:

I saw him driving on XXXXX road - (My way to work/bank/grocery's for Gods sake)

Last October a mutual friend of OURS (female), mostly mine now, ran into her at a bar. I knew nothing about it. I guess she got into X's face and called her a stupid F'ing C U next Tuesday....

I know where she lives so she's afraid.

She said when she picked up her belongings they were "thrown" in the driveway in the rain. Everything was organized in totes and it was partly sunny. I have pics and witnesses. What this has to do with the PPO I have no idea. 

A few others as well....


----------



## BluesPower

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> I cant believe it either.....
> 
> Some of her accusations were:
> 
> I saw him driving on XXXXX road - (My way to work/bank/grocery's for Gods sake)
> 
> Last October a mutual friend of OURS (female), mostly mine now, ran into her at a bar. I knew nothing about it. I guess she got into X's face and called her a stupid F'ing C U next Tuesday....
> 
> I know where she lives so she's afraid.
> 
> She said when she picked up her belongings they were "thrown" in the driveway in the rain. Everything was organized in totes and it was partly sunny. I have pics and witnesses. What this has to do with the PPO I have no idea.
> 
> A few others as well....


Like I said when this first happened. I think your lawyer is 1) weak, and/or inexperienced with RO's, and/or 3) The judge in the case does not like him, and/or 4) he is afraid to fight it out in court.

Unless you are lying in your post, one of the things above is true. 

I have experience with these things, from the legal system, and it ALMOST NEVER EVER GOES the way you are describing. 

Yeah, an unscrupulous can get one on some pour, unsuspecting schlub at the beginning of the divorce. That happens often, but to get a second one that is "unwarranted" is HIGHLY unlikely.

Hell, lots of people can't get one when they really need and deserve one. 

So like I said, unless you are lying in your posts, something else is going on and I think it starts with your lawyer. 

Think about it...


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Just when I think its OVER..........................


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Uh oh what’s up?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Isitmeoramicrazy

Somewhere in this mess over the past 7 years I mentioned that I co-signed for my X-Step-daughters College loans. I just got a letter from Discover Student loans telling me she has stopped paying them back. 2 months behind right now.....unbelievable....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh man! What a pain in the ass, I’m so sorry!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TAMAT

Isitme,

Wow her daughter is as entitled as your xWW is, sorry what a waking nightmare.

You may be able to sue the daughter to recover the money?

Note to self and everyone else carefully screen women who are too hot, you might get burned.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Jelly---I understand...she just called me and told me that if this travel continues she will "have to do what she needs to do"...are you kidding me??
> 
> Last night we were planning an "adult" night after dinner and drinks..then when she brought up my travel she got very hostile..im not a confrontational guy.
> I speak my mind with facts and when I get yelled at I clam up and walk away…she does not like that at all…just now she said “all I did was ask you why again you had to travel and you blew up and went upstairs”. This is so not true…she blew up at me and I was not going to have any part of it because I know the wars I can win and those I cannot..so I left the room…


I have said in the past, "I am not your damned ex-husband!"


----------



## Divinely Favored

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> Thank you for the great advice. Since my last post I had two phone calls from friends wondering where I was sat nite when she took off to the bar. They told me she was very drunk and all over many men. I am so hurt right now I could puke. Then they told me they saw her leave with a man. It's a local bat in a small town. Why me God...why me..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Time for a poly in my book. She is making good on her threats.


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## Isitmeoramicrazy

So after 10 years of this post I can say it's over.

PPO has expired.

I was notified that her daughter paid in full her student loan..

Thanks for the past 10 years. I'm slowly recovering...best to all.


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## 3Xnocharm

I can imagine the weight that has been lifted. Thanks for updating and I hope you keep posting. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## anchorwatch

Good luck to you. Hope you'll be able to put these years in the rearview mirror.


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## Marc878

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So after 10 years of this post I can say it's over.
> 
> PPO has expired.
> 
> I was notified that her daughter paid in full her student loan..
> 
> Thanks for the past 10 years. I'm slowly recovering...best to all.


I hope you learned a good lesson.


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## Lostinthought61

I am glad it's over....can I ask what would you have done different when you suspected her cheating on her business trips?


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## Rubix Cubed

Isitmeoramicrazy said:


> So after 10 years of this post I can say it's over.
> 
> PPO has expired.
> 
> I was notified that her daughter paid in full her student loan..
> 
> Thanks for the past 10 years. I'm slowly recovering...best to all.


Congrats! I truly hope it is over.


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## Rob_1

Let's this be a warning to all of those individuals that are waddling in indecisions, fears, cowardice, and what if's, that when you have no balls, no courage, no self respect, no dignity to immediately end a relationship that went sour, this is what you get in the end: a lifetime wasted in misery; which if you do nothing or too late you deserved what you got because you asked for it.


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## hambiggers

I think you need to find the necessary compromise. If you can't find common ground regarding work trips or travel (apart), you will constantly understate each other. Travel can be a trigger topic in your relationship forever. Because of this trigger, you'll fear letting your wife know that you have to leave soon in the future. So I'd advise you to see a couples therapist. When I had to go to Germany for two months and had already bought tickets to DB auskunft, my wife brought me home. We talked to her about my trip and found a compromise - she came with me. I was in Germany dealing with work issues, and she was walking around the tourist spots. At night we were together in a hotel, and on weekends we went out on the town.


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