# How to deal with HD sex drive?



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I am a HD adventurous guy and I've been this way since my early to mid teens.

I am married to a LD vanilla wife who could have sex 1x month.


How do you HD men and ladies deal with your high sex drives and being married to a LD spouse?


What do you do to take your mind off sex, so you don't think about it?


Hobbies?


Activities?


When the sex drive strikes you, how do you deal with it?:scratchhead:


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Was your wife always like this?


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Exercise and masturbation take the edge off.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

When I look back, yes she was.

More exercise, going out and relieving myself?


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I've read a bunch of your threads, CB. I always start to type stuff, but wind up deleting it because I don't know you or your situation, and I don't want to sound harsh or anything.

Every time you talk about your wife, you don't have anything nice to say about her. She looks like Jabba the Hutt (from your descriptions), she doesn't 'take care of herself', she doesn't want to try kinky things, and she's not even trying to meet your frequency needs.
I get that you are religious and don't like the idea of divorce, but barring that, what keeps you with this woman? You never sound like you even _like_ her that much... does she have good qualities that I've missed?

You can masturbate to take the edge off (before my SO and I became much more open to each other about our needs, he was up to 3-4 times a day. He was miserable and his constant begging for sex was making me miserable, and we almost broke things off before we _both_ made a commitment to make things better for each other.), but why is that an acceptable long term solution to you?
I guess the thing is I would never dream of asking my SO to try to dial it down... Its who he is. So why should YOU have to completely change who you are when she doesn't seem willing to make even a few changes to meet you halfway? Will she even have an open, honest discussion about sex with you?

You guys just sound completely incompatible on several different levels, beyond just sex.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I have a mental image of "it" burned into my mind forever, coming out of the women's bathroom at Walmart in a dirty white tank top with a HAIRY GUT hanging out the bottom of it. That will wilt anything.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

badcompany said:


> I have a mental image of "it" burned into my mind forever, coming out of the women's bathroom at Walmart in a dirty white tank top with a HAIRY GUT hanging out the bottom of it. That will wilt anything.


Of course many men would be enthusiastically to be more well endowed in the penile region.

There are a small amount of men who are too endowed, that it interferes with a normal sex life and normal life function... Some of them have prayed for a penile reduction...

It sounds like that burning image you describe would do the trick.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Seperated for 8 months so...

Porn, lots and lots of PORN lol
On a serious note, meh... still porn!

I noticed even with exercise/work I still need a release so... PORN!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Write a sex blog.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Replace her with Wife 2.0.

You knew she was LD before your married her, so what did you expect? I know, I know ... I made the same mistake out being young and clueless. But I did upgrade eventually, and am glad I did.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Write a sex blog.


That explains a few things...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My H isn't LD...it is just that no partner I've ever had has ever been able to keep up to my HD...so I don't expect anyone to anymore.

Writing my blog is a way of being sexual with him without the physical. It is fun and fulfilling.

But...I don't mean it to sound like I have problems like some others struggling with frequency and intimacy issues around here...I do not, thankfully.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

the only thing that I do to take the edge off it is to go have a session. Exercising and video games sometimes help but not usually.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Get another wife. 


I don't mean leave the one you have. I mean get some more wives.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Vanguard said:


> Get another wife.
> 
> 
> I don't mean leave the one you have. I mean get some more wives.


I joked with my stbxw about that when she'd complain about my HD. She could split the laundry, vacuuming, and childcare with the 2nd woman and I'd get more sex. Win win...didn't go over well for some reason....:scratchhead:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

badcompany said:


> I joked with my stbxw about that when she'd complain about my HD. She could split the laundry, vacuuming, and childcare with the 2nd woman and I'd get more sex. Win win...didn't go over well for some reason....:scratchhead:


Throughout history people had multiple wives for a reason, and now we know why! 

Sad modern times we live in


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Ever since I was 6 or 7 I would put myself to sleep making up sexual scenarios. Of course at 6 or 7 I didn't know about sex so these scenarios sometimes did not even involve kissing but looking back were rather sexually charged - like becoming I Dream of Jeannie and being kept in a bottle. You know.

So anyway, I would say that, reading, exercising, taking time to do grooming, skin care, etc. Going out with friends and drinking martinis, shopping, I prefer to have a secret habit of purchasing stockings and such that I like to keep in a drawer near my side of the bed. Most of these are still packaged bit I have all kinds of colors and styles. I don't know that I even have occasion to wear them but the secret purchasing of them is a sexual indulgence of sorts.

I like to think all these things are harmless, though.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Seperated for 8 months so...
> 
> Porn, lots and lots of PORN lol
> On a serious note, meh... still porn!
> ...


ok - but what are you doing to move on?

Porn is not meeting any of your needs - other than the one you think porn is meeting.

You need a plan to move on. You need to do whatever you need to do to get yourself back out there. Porn is just blinding you to the possibilities, and perhaps also painting a false picture of what it can be like.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Ever since I was 6 or 7 I would put myself to sleep making up sexual scenarios. Of course at 6 or 7 I didn't know about sex so these scenarios sometimes did not even involve kissing but looking back were rather sexually charged - like becoming I Dream of Jeannie and being kept in a bottle. You know.


O.O

I remember dreaming when I was 7 about playing drums with a girl at school's tits lol



sparkyjim said:


> ok - but what are you doing to move on?
> 
> Porn is not meeting any of your needs - other than the one you think porn is meeting.
> 
> You need a plan to move on. You need to do whatever you need to do to get yourself back out there. Porn is just blinding you to the possibilities, and perhaps also painting a false picture of what it can be like.


I'll need to divorce my wife first, or have her tell me 'its not working, f off' but until then I can't be physical with anyone else. As much as I've pushed myself to get out there, I felt like throwing up after simply kissing a woman so meh - if I forced myself to have sex, it might be even worst!

So nope, porn is the answer for now, and lots of it. Besides: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR7TU0sWgoQ

 Heh I'm going insane


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Matt Rogers - I Love to Choke My Chicken With My Hand - YouTube
> 
> Heh I'm going insane




:lol:

Right now I am loading Christmas music onto an MP3 player for a family restaurant.... I don't think it is going to work - but thanks for the suggestion...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

badcompany said:


> I joked with my stbxw about that when she'd complain about my HD. She could split the laundry, vacuuming, and childcare with the 2nd woman and I'd get more sex. Win win...didn't go over well for some reason....:scratchhead:


Hmm. But what if they split the sex, too? You wouldn't be any worse off, but also no better off!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

My wifee isn't a bad woman, she has the qualities I look for in a woman. It's her LD that is mainly killing me.

I think its just a matter of sexual incompatibility and nothing more.

Porn, did that a lot when we first got married. Talked to her about the low sex drive and I'm going crazy. She gets upset, cries, and sex still 1 - 2x month. Only time she had sex with me 2x that night was because I was getting really angry and frustrated, so it was duty sex.

Each person is responsible for their body. If they exercise and eat healthy, good shape, if not, not in good shape.

Multiple wives....heh, saw that in the movie Troy. One woman as the wife for kids and other women for sex.

I'd rather have crazy sex with a woman and not porn.

Yah, getting back out there and doing things for myself is already in the works.

Nice youtube vid on wacking off....


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> My wifee isn't a bad woman, she has the qualities I look for in a woman. It's her LD that is mainly killing me.
> 
> I think its just a matter of sexual incompatibility and nothing more.


For most people that encounter the serious LD/HD issues we see here. it's not compatibility that's the issue. There are other issues in the marriage that need to be addressed. 

When people criticize their spouses they have all the right in the world to do so. and they're in the best position to do so as well. They know better. 

If one starts a relationship with the idea that the spouse is sacred and shalt not be criticized, well, I got news for y'all. 

If there's 'incompatibility' you work out a scenario that addresses both your needs. If she gets her way, or you do, then it's not working. 

As everyone else says, you can't change someone else. But you can make the conditions at home slightly less than pleasant, if you get my drift. 

First define what's important in your marriage and family and what you can give up. Then see if you can discuss - not negotiate - the mismatch. Hopefully something can be worked out. If not, marital warfare is your friend, especially if you have an edge by being the 'provider'.

Nobody's entitled to sex 1, 2, 3, or 4 or 34 times a week, just like nobody's entitled to a free ride, peace and quiet, and 1, 2, 3, or 4 or 34 hours a week playing FarmVille instead of doing other, more interesting stuff 

While you're at it, define your exit conditions.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

John I am always curious as to why provider status is seen as an edge in relation to an agreement about sex. I wanted to hear your thoughts. I don't know if you are being serious or not. The trouble I see with this belief is that it makes an emotional component of the relationship into a dry and cold trade off. Another problem is that both work may work. 

Then you have to make a salary differential formula to calculate relative leverage. If salaries are equal then you are back where you started. Some people can't do differential calculus. Is there a manual with a worksheet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FLman (Nov 6, 2013)

There is hope I think! I was going about the wrong way for many years with my wife, one things to realize is that most women will see things differently than an average guy, they do not have an on/off switch and they simply just want a partner who is there for them...so anything you can do to relieve her load she will relieve your "load"...sorry to be so blunt, but take interest in what she like, if shes up early and your sleeping in, she might say or don't get up sleep in, but in her head shes thinking something else, so you have to get close and bond with her in many non-sexual ways, one you have done this, there is a great chance that you can talk openly and increase you frequency, but you can't just go to her and fondle her, for you its a stress relief but for her she needs to have a stress free mind if that makes sense!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm dead serious and I actually explained my position here a while ago.

A marriage is all about "to love and to hold" and so on. Partners express their commitment in different ways. If emotional needs are not fulfilled, then marriage becomes nothing more than a business transaction subject to nonperformance clauses and penalties.

If a marriage has turned sexless or near sexless the emotional component has, as you put it, dried out and it's all about cold trade offs. Like a business transaction, QED.

No differential calculus is involved, but if one partner unilaterally checks out of the relationship and refuses to do anything about it, this leaves the giving spouse all the reason in the world to do the same. 

A marriage is not a cafeteria package where you pick and choose what to contribute. It's an all or nothing joining of two people.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I agree. It's not the I need sex so many times each week, but when I'm in the mood and I initiate, getting shot down for every excuse and then its more like duty sex, is just not for me.

I initiate, I expect intimacy most of the time.

If she actually is in the mood, I don't make excuses and reject her.

Marriage is taking care of each others needs. So I have a high sex drive, she has a low sex drive, maybe sex every 2nd or third day, all week long, or more.

I have no issues giving her cuddling, listening, surprising her, helping around the house which I already do, but sex is important to me.

And spouses wonder why men or women view porn and masturbate??? Or have EA, PA???


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

tyler1978 said:


> the only thing that I do to take the edge off it is to go have a session. Exercising and video games sometimes help but not usually.


Yeah video games its funny....Madden 25 actually gets me aroused. Catch and release?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Call of Duty 6: Cold Showers 

After a rigorous Halo session or two I run out of adrenaline... At that point some good quality bourbon on the rocks, Pink Floyd on the stereo, and let the wife grow roots on FarmVille for all I care...


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I found masturbation helped a lot. I probably delayed my fall to LD by a decade. As soon as you say 'ohh well' and give up LD creeps in the door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

pierrematoe said:


> Yeah video games its funny....Madden 25 actually gets me aroused. Catch and release?


Video games are a form of meditation for me. I pretty much just zone out and go through the motions. One of my faves is NBA 2K13. I can kill 3 to 4 hours easily on this one. Sometimes, the urge passes in the meantime.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Well yeah because Madden 2015 or NBA 2014 or whatever don't involve scantily clad women 

In my case my favorite game's female star is a translucent hologram dressed in Miley Cyrus hand-me-downs (Cortana in the Halo series)....


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

tyler1978 said:


> Video games are a form of meditation for me. I pretty much just zone out and go through the motions. One of my faves is NBA 2K13. I can kill 3 to 4 hours easily on this one. Sometimes, the urge passes in the meantime.


I obliterate other players on a daily basis via world of tanks
Only after the kids are in bed and I'm not quite ready to sleep yet though. It helps pass the time waiting for this to all be over.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

This ought to be a thread in itself 

"Cold Showers, Video Games, and trolling dating sites on your smartphone while your LD partner is building his/her vegetation empire in FarmVille"...

(Dear Moderator: we realize we're slightly off topic - kindly allow us a little casual fun while, ehem, the vegetables are being cared for)


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Cold showers, video games, movies, trolling dating sites.....heh, been there and done that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sport video games are boring =/ 

Not enough death, not enough blood, you guys need:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Battlefield 4.......so good.

But I think relieving myself is probably the best of all evils situation because I'm not going out an having PA's, or EA's, no sexting, none of this. Can't win 'em all I guess.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Does using an ice pack work?


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

If anyone figured out the question posed in the OP, 
Please, for the love of all things good & holy: LET ME KNOW. 

I'm a female. I want it all the time. I'm with a man ten years younger, I thought if never have to worry about a lack of sex again. 

I don't play video games. Maybe I ought to find a hobby? I don't even know what I like to do. 

He just left for hunting this morning. When the kids go to bed it will be my usual hobby, but I can't even do that as much as I want because - well, I have a full time job. Bummer.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

notmarriedyet said:


> I don't play video games. Maybe I ought to find a hobby? I don't even know what I like to do.


You realize just about every guy in the forum is banging his head against the wall asking "Where were you when I was on the market?"

Maybe you should try video games. I do know that when I'm fragging pasty white wimpy Canucks like CuddleBug on the Battlefield I'm not thinking about sex. Who knows? With your sex drive, you just might have the testosterone for the genre.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Cletus said:


> You realize just about every guy in the forum is banging his head against the wall asking "Where were you when I was on the market?"
> 
> Maybe you should try video games. I do know that when I'm fragging pasty white wimpy Canucks like CuddleBug on the Battlefield I'm not thinking about sex. Who knows? With your sex drive, you just might have the testosterone for the genre.


Thanks, Cletus!

I just might have to hijack my sons xbox, right after he shows me how to play. lol


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Testosterone is the last thing you want in a multiplayer game. Let everyone else die for the red flag first... Use your head is far more rewarding


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I think the answer to the op's question is to hit it over the head with a shovel and bury it in the back yard(HD person).


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

My main hobby is riding my bike to random and indescript places. A typical ride is between 80 to 120 miles round trip. By the time that I am done, I do not care about anything let alone sex. The next two days are recovery. While not entirely effective, it has worked to kill my sex drive at times.


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## Rotorhead77 (Nov 7, 2013)

tyler1978 said:


> My main hobby is riding my bike to random and indescript places. A typical ride is between 80 to 120 miles round trip. By the time that I am done, I do not care about anything let alone sex. The next two days are recovery. While not entirely effective, it has worked to kill my sex drive at times.


Hmmm, sounds like I need to be shopping for a bike.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Rotorhead77 said:


> Hmmm, sounds like I need to be shopping for a bike.


It may work for you but then it may also invigorate you and contribute to higher testosterone levels. You never know until you try.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Great news, my son has battle field and will begin teaching me tomorrow. lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

john117 said:


> Testosterone is the last thing you want in a multiplayer game. Let everyone else die for the red flag first... Use your head is far more rewarding


Looks like we found a camper! lol


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Yep. As an old gamer (54) I annoy a lot of my fellow combatants by overthinking. But usually like everything else in life slow, deliberate, and calculating usually wins. 

To get back to the original topic, hobbies help. I love photography and I'm pretty good at it so it's a good escape.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lol, I bet you get this alot:

You: *frags a kid*
Kid: "OMG LAME *** U SUXXORZ ONLY N00BS CAMP GETS SUM SKILLZ!!!!!11!!11!1111"

:rofl:

But no hate, cause I do it too lol


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

john117 said:


> Testosterone is the last thing you want in a multiplayer game. Let everyone else die for the red flag first... Use your head is far more rewarding


This is bad in WOT, you need the firepower support of teammates for it to work. Camping just makes you the last one left when your un-supported team is all dead and 10 enemies are bearing down on you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Seems to work a bit better in Halo multiplayer. Most youngsters rush throwing all they have - picking them one at a time under your own team'a cover fire is more feasible.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I know it's been mostly Xbox talk, but did anyone get the new PS4 last night?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Anyone have other suggestions when the high sex drive strikes?

Besides having a lot of sex?:scratchhead:


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Anyone have other suggestions when the high sex drive strikes?
> 
> Besides having a lot of sex?:scratchhead:


Enjoy it and take care of it while you have it.

If you are a high drive person, the best thing you can do is to also ensure that your partner is HD and for your type has no problem staying HD in a long term stable and committed relationship.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Focus on work. After pulling some heavy duty 9 am to 2 am workdays even the entire Playboy mansion staff would find me non interested...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Use it or lose it? Makes sense actually.

Exercise and masturbation do take the edge off. 100% agree.

I find, after sex and the next day, I feel great. By the time its been half a week of no sex, I start getting down and grumpy.

I work from 7am - 3:30pm five days per week, so I'm up at 5:30am and get home by 4pm ish. I usually do some minor cleanup and landscaping outside our place after work and chores, so they never pile up and there isn't a lot to do on weekends.

But seeing all the hot ladies, especially in the summer by our place, not good. We live close to the beach, 10 minutes walking distance, so you can imagine all the hotties......do I have stories of all the ladies walking, biking on by or parking and chatting in their bikini's and mini shorts.:smthumbup:


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I had a neighbor - late 30's with a body to die for - that routinely mowed the lawn in a bikini. 

Go Nikon!!!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

what was she like?

description?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

OK... She was late 30's tall, leggy, great face, blond. Centerfold material, no kidding. Always that white bikini. Had one son from 1st marriage and two young preschoolers from her current one. Her hubby was a local version of the Sir Something Branson of Virgin Something fame. Successful businessman. Loooots of money. Both were what I would call hyper-sexual, could not keep their hands off each other even at parties etc. And he hosted LOTS of parties. 

The hubby eventually decided to cheat on his wife with the live-in au-pair from some place in Europe. Pretty non-good-looking au-pair if you ask me, not when you have Mrs. White Bikini three feet away.

The wife reciprocated by cheating with one of his employees. It turned very ugly very quickly and they divorced. She waited tables for a while.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

White bikinis are my fave. Very flattering to skin color/tone/tan. 

I appreciate a good looking woman too. 

I don't like blonde women much tho. But I do like blonde men. Weird.


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