# can marriage counseling really help?



## samr (Sep 4, 2013)

I have been trying the advice alot of you gave me when I originally asked for help. Some of it has worked. There have been days where we hang out like we used to and she actually laughs and stuff. But something always happens to bring it back around. Is it possible that my wife just hates and resents me so much that she just can't get past those feelings? i've never been to counseling and don't really feel comfortable talking to a stranger about our business in detail but I will if marriage counseling would really help. can it help my wife get her feelings back for me? or is it too late?what kinds of things should I expect from going? do you talk in a room together or go to seperate sessions? I'm going to be honest. I will feel attacked if I go.

Thanks.


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## Aboutgivenup (Sep 30, 2013)

I think counseling could be great if both parties WANT the benefits of it, are optimistic, and are HONEST while in sessions. If not, it may just prolong the inevitable(like in my case).


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

My wife and I went several years ago after the birth of our first child. Make sure that you both feel comfortable with the counselor. I only found out this week that my wife felt like our counselor had picked on her the whole time that we went so she really got nothing but negative experiences from it.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

You can read my other posts about marriage counsellors. I usually reply to such threads. 

You can expect to pay a lot of money and waste a lot of time. Dont be too honest they dont like that. They like to play detective. 
Never argue with them however much rubbish they talk. Make sure they dont take sides. Make sure they dont make your wife worse by opening her eyes to faults of yours (everyone has some) which your wife has not yet noticed. They may suggest divorce (and more than just 'suggest' it) to your wife and tell her how to go about it. I could go on but I am sure you get the drift. 

So far I have yet to see a marriage counsellor and there are hundreds who advertise on this site ever come back to a poster like you and explain what they really do.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

At least now if you decide to go you are forewarned of what to expect and can take precautions.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

MissFroggie said:


> If you're not being honest with them and refuse to listen to them then you are going to waste a lot of time and money. If you disagree with their advice you should tell them and explain why. I wonder why you are so worried they will find faults with you and end up ganging up on you with your wife and telling her how to screw you over in a divorce. What are you so scared they will uncover?
> 
> To the OP: MC is about working together to make a marriage stronger and overcome issues that have been inhibiting the growth of that relationship. It might feel a little awkward at first but if you find a counsellor you are both comfortable with then it can be very insightful and positive in helping you work together and strengthen your relationship. Be honest and do listen to both your partner and the counsellor. If you disagree you are right to say that and explain why - this is exactly what MC is for. Honesty is really important if you are to get to the root of any issues and mend them properly. I know it feels uncomfortable at first but it can help you to save your marriage and open up better ways to communicate with each other that you can use for the rest of your lives. Give it a shot and be open to it. Good luck x


If you found a good MC that would be the case. If you read my many posts on here on this subject and it seems everyone else's as well, you will rarely find any MC like that.

MC's are not interested in explanations why they are wrong. They are the experts and not you. Try and tell a doctor he is wrong.


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## samr (Sep 4, 2013)

Thanks for the input. I haven't decided which way
to go with it yet but am leaning towards finding
A counselor and going. That way I know I did
everything I could to turn things around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

They can help but only in the following circumstances in my opinion.

1. BOTH members of the marriage must want to go and be COMMITTED to going to WORK on improving the marriage. If both people are FULLY onboard it is a waste.

2. You must have a MC who challenges you and calls you and your spouse out on your bulls**t. If you have someone who just agrees with what you are saying it doesn't help anything.

3. A good therapist will be able to unpack the major issues in the first 2-4 sessions and set forth a plan to work on improving these.

4. The real work is done OUTSIDE of the sessions.

5. Both must be willing to check your ego at the door and accept you are at fault for part of the problem. Own your piece.

Good luck


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