# I want sex ALL the time, hubby doesnt....



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

here is my problem......I am 10 years younger than my hubby I am early 40's and I want sex all the time any way, all ways, will try new things etc.. Not hubby.....he just seems like he wants it 1x and that is it and can go with that for a couple weeks....ughhhh help what do I do? I literally think about it all day....does that mean there is something wrong with me? I think of ways to be DIFFERENT with him, caress him more, do it at any time of the day for him, positions etc.. I am to the point where I want to find something on the side, even if it is just to talk about having sex, because atleast that would be someone having interest in me!!!! ideas????


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would suspect you're hitting your sexual peak, and he hit his 20 or thirty years ago. No exactly a (sexual) match made in heaven.

Can you get him to at least be with you while you masturbate? You could also ask him to get testosterone level tested.

C


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

C....
He will not get anything tested as he thinks there is nothing wrong with him he says.....I have asked him to!  He says we are fine!!!! I assume before long I will be in a sexless marriage and I guess all I will have is TOYS......(BOO) and will have to enjoy reading and talking!!!! LOL thanks tho!!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Technically he's right. There is nothing wrong with him. His life is working just fine. You're the one struggling.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Mavash.....so sex 1x every couple of weeks...is what all good? I just got to get over it is what you are saying right? I am not leaving the marriage.....I love him........thanks you sure did knock me down a few notches....


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Technically he's right. There is nothing wrong with him. His life is working just fine. You're the one struggling.


I don't know about that, I am a 51 year old male and could do it every night if the opportunity with my wife would allow it. 

So here is one thing I would suggest, but unfortunately it means a change in his lifestyle. Suggest to him that he could be more sexual and that sex could even be better however it would require:

1. Drink less alcohol

2. Get at least 20 min to hour of aerobic exercise a day

3. Start eating closer to his caloric requirements, that is about 2,000 to 2,500 calories a day.

No doubt men do slow down in their sexuality, but his level of sexuality has more to do with his possible lifestyle.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> Mavash.....so sex 1x every couple of weeks...is what all good? I just got to get over it is what you are saying right? I am not leaving the marriage.....I love him........thanks you sure did knock me down a few notches....


Look I've lived in a sexless marriage and what I'm saying is the problem isn't always what it seems. The fact that your husband won't get tested for low T speaks volumes. It says your needs don't matter.

Any idea why?

In my case it was me. My husband felt controlled/intimidated by me and therefore no sex. Took me backing off before we were able to work this out and come to a compromise. He's 46 and we now have sex 3 times a week.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

drerio said:


> So here is one thing I would suggest, but unfortunately it means a change in his lifestyle.


If he won't get tested for low T and doesn't think he has a problem he isn't going to do any lifestyle changes either.

My bets on there is something else wrong.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

drerio.....He doesnt drink ......he eats his calories and exercises....oh my I am in trouble huh.....maybe all along it is me.....he doesnt like me anymore.....he is exactly your age....so obviously it is me....Mavash must be right.....so let me go cry myself to sleep now.....


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> If he won't get tested for low T and doesn't think he has a problem he isn't going to do any lifestyle changes either.
> 
> My bets on there is something else wrong.


Probably right. It is unfortunate when one party does not want to deal with issues. And more often than not (being a man myself) this is probably the "we are not lost and I don't need to ask for directions" syndrome.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Mavash.....I am sorry did not mean to offend you in any way....I am sure that it is a lot of me.....sorry again


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> drerio.....He doesnt drink ......he eats his calories and exercises....oh my I am in trouble huh.....maybe all along it is me.....he doesnt like me anymore.....he is exactly your age....so obviously it is me....Mavash must be right.....so let me go cry myself to sleep now.....


Hold on... Ok lets assume he is not overweight, and in good physical condition and does not appear to have any other lifestyle issue... I don't mean to sound personal but how long does it take him to get an erection and can he keep it? There maybe some underlying medical issues.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I don't want to alarm you, but if this was a sudden drop in libido from something you remember prior in your marriage it is important to get him tested not necessarily for testosterone levels but other hormones or any other medical condition. 

No doubt stress can decrease libido, but exercise should mitigate that issue. 

Finally, it may be important to communicate your frustrations with him... not always the most comfortable thing to talk about, but sex is an important part of marriage. 

I don't think it is just you... don't panic.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

drerio.....he is not overweight.....he is exmilitary....still in shape.....he gets an erection quite quickly....he does it fine until he "finishes" and it is all good....he just doesnt want it as much as I do ...... I think about it morning noon and night and then dream about it too.....lol


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> drerio.....he is not overweight.....he is exmilitary....still in shape.....he gets an erection quite quickly....he does it fine until he "finishes" and it is all good....he just doesnt want it as much as I do ...... I think about it morning noon and night and then dream about it too.....lol


And, if you initiate more than 1x a week, his response is?


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

he will just want make me "***" and to be honest that does nothing for me ..... I want the SEX!!!!! I hope that I am not being all rude for this site? I am just trying to get another persons insight!!! Sometimes he would rather I do just "that " to him too.....BORING!!!!!!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> drerio.....He doesnt drink ......he eats his calories and exercises....oh my I am in trouble huh.....maybe all along it is me.....he doesnt like me anymore.....he is exactly your age....so obviously it is me....Mavash must be right.....so let me go cry myself to sleep now.....


Look my husband LOVES me. He just doesn't deal well with an aggressive woman (including sex). He was attracted to me but I intimidated him. He said he thought I was unapproachable which I thought was INSANE considering that I was once like you and wanted sex ALL THE TIME. 

His self esteem was lower than I ever imagined. Once I gently got him to open up to me I was surprised to find out how he really felt. He says he didn't feel like he measured up to me.

And sadly I think he felt like all I cared about was sex. He was almost like the female in that he NEEDED the emotional connection in order to have sex with me. We had a total role reversal. I have to kind of romance him man style and throw all those stereotypes about men out the window. If he doesn't feel loved, admired, something by me he isn't all that interested in sex. I had to focus on nonsexual touching like massages, and back up some.

Ah my story is so long and complicated. I just kinda wanted you to observe your marriage dynamic to see what else you find. If his love language isn't physical touch what is it? Mines is gifts. Yeah that's a fun one to deal with. LOL


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> he will just want make me "***" and to be honest that does nothing for me ..... I want the SEX!!!!! I hope that I am not being all rude for this site? I am just trying to get another persons insight!!! Sometimes he would rather I do just "that " to him too.....BORING!!!!!!!


You are not being rude... this site is about marriages and sex is an important part of that. Although, because no one can verify ages or who lurks around here certain words are censored. Not sure what the *** and I could probably figure it out, given the context. 

I am not sure he suffers from any type of testosterone issues, but certainly he may not understand your needs as you have expressed here. My strongest suggestion is to find marriage counseling to help you both communicate better on this level. I know some folks do, but I don't really have much faith in sex therapist. Normally a good marriage counselor can help you both communicate your needs and desires. 

On a side not, he really should just get a physical anyway just to eliminate any possible issues. After all if he is 51 and has not had a colonoscopy, he should get one and that is one way to get him to get a physical.

I wish you the best... and don't beat yourself up.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Look my husband LOVES me. He just doesn't deal well with an aggressive woman (including sex). He was attracted to me but I intimidated him. He said he thought I was unapproachable which I thought was INSANE considering that I was once like you and wanted sex ALL THE TIME.
> 
> His self esteem was lower than I ever imagined. Once I gently got him to open up to me I was surprised to find out how he really felt. He says he didn't feel like he measured up to me.
> 
> ...


This is good... and another reason to get some marriage counseling. Good luck.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

guess I got some soul searching to do......


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> guess I got some soul searching to do......


More like some investigating to do. Searching YOUR soul for a solution won't help. Observe him and try to get inside his head. Look for clues, watch his body language, his eyes, the words he chooses, all of it. Study him and see if you can figure out the WHY.

Can't fix a problem until you understand what it is.

I mainly wanted to open your eyes to the possibility that the problem may be NOTHING like what you think it is. I know mine wasn't. I thought it was because he just didn't like sex. Oh how wrong I was.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I was going to post something on this thread like "Oh sh-t, another nympho like wifey!" But then again... you mentioned he only wants it once every couple of weeks? Hell even I (who is LD compared to my HD wife) can't have it that seldom.

Here's a good thread with ideas on how to get your husband more in the mood:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/55479-forgotten-how-initiate-sex.html


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BTW:

What Mavash wrote:


> And sadly I think he felt like all I cared about was sex. He was almost like the female in that he NEEDED the emotional connection in order to have sex with me. We had a total role reversal. I have to kind of romance him man style and throw all those stereotypes about men out the window. If he doesn't feel loved, admired, something by me he isn't all that interested in sex. I had to focus on nonsexual touching like massages, and back up some.
> 
> Ah my story is so long and complicated. I just kinda wanted you to observe your marriage dynamic to see what else you find. If his love language isn't physical touch what is it? Mines is gifts. Yeah that's a fun one to deal with. LOL


Excellent post, and I wish my wife was this understanding


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Just curious, did you meet his needs when he was younger? If you didn't, he may feel "why should I now when she didn't for me then?"


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## ozwang (Aug 11, 2011)

IMO any husband who doesn't want some action when their wife is keen to give it to them either has low T, or some other problem. Depending how busy your life is, once every couple of days is ideal i reckon


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Thanks to every one.....Just to answer the inquirey besides taking pics or going for sex in all places (on me) I have always met his needs and done anything he has asked......even had sex anywhere...ANYWHERE!!!! I have only been together with him for 15 years....so his YOUNGER years......well IDK and I did not have a lot of SEX I have only had 3 partners including him and 1 was sex 1x......sooooooo lol


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

So what was your sex life with him like 10 years ago? How long ago did this "problem" start?

I'm 50 too and I could go at least 4-5 times a week if given the option


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

10 years ago....hmmmmm we were busy trying to have kids!! This is probably.....a pretty normal thing!!!! he would rather do the forplay stuff than sex ....that is why I say it must be me!!!! I just feel after years of going thru this lost I have finally found a voice and want it badly....if that makes sense....and yes I have told him.....he says ok...but that is about it.....sometimes he will give it to me a little more but then goes right back to the drought......so I guess I have never really "turned him on truely" sexually.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Perhaps he knows you're overly eager? You're to available for him maybe? There is no chase. 

Or maybe he is watching to much porn, getting those needs met through that?


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> 10 years ago....hmmmmm we were busy trying to have kids!! This is probably.....a pretty normal thing!!!! he would rather do the forplay stuff than sex ....that is why I say it must be me!!!! I just feel after years of going thru this lost I have finally found a voice and want it badly....if that makes sense....and yes I have told him.....he says ok...but that is about it.....sometimes he will give it to me a little more but then goes right back to the drought......so I guess I have never really "turned him on truely" sexually.


I highly doubt that you don't turn him on. He needs to be tested for low testosterone
His function is fine but his desire is low. That's typical low T. 
I went on it about 2 years ago and life is good. Every day given the opportunity. And my workouts are crazy again. I was a professional athlete at one time and at 46 I'm in the best shape of my life.

Really try to get his blood work. Go to Any Lab Test Now if he's embarrassed at the doctors office. It's discreet and you can compare his numbers to what is acceptable. 
It may help.

Good luck


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

dogman said:


> I highly doubt that you don't turn him on. He needs to be tested for low testosterone
> His function is fine but his desire is low. That's typical low T.
> I went on it about 2 years ago and life is good. Every day given the opportunity. And my workouts are crazy again. I was a professional athlete at one time and at 46 I'm in the best shape of my life.
> 
> ...


you made me smile  last night thank you ....

he will not get tested....and I cannot convince him....he is retired military....(25 years) and God forbid anything be wrong with him.....and I dont go to any appt with him. When we talk about it he says he is older I am younger....plus he says probably because I just got a hysterectomy....so I think now I can have it all the time so that is the reason.!! :scratchhead: 

I have never figured out why he finds me attractive or if he does....he says he does so I guess I have to believe him.....and I can get his you know what ready in seconds so ...... hmmmm ....:scratchhead:


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> you made me smile  last night thank you ....
> 
> he will not get tested....and I cannot convince him....he is retired military....(25 years) and God forbid anything be wrong with him.....and I dont go to any appt with him. When we talk about it he says he is older I am younger....plus he says probably because I just got a hysterectomy....so I think now I can have it all the time so that is the reason.!! :scratchhead:
> 
> I have never figured out why he finds me attractive or if he does....he says he does so I guess I have to believe him.....and I can get his you know what ready in seconds so ...... hmmmm ....:scratchhead:


 That's tough. Because he fits the description of low T. 

I have a similar situation and maybe it's more typical. My wife is LD and I am HD even more now that im on the T. I can't get her to go to the Doctor to figure it out. She insists I'm abnormal and she is normal.
I hate those terms anyway. I just want to be on the same page, high, low, doesn't matter so long as its what we both want. Not there yet.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I can't believe he wont to go to the doctor. Surely if he realizes he is getting older that things change and he wont always be the way he was years ago. At some point he will need to be checked out. Perhaps he is afraid they will find something really wrong? Apparently he isn't overly concerned with his health or his marriage for that matter.


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## Diolay (Jan 25, 2012)

I think I can sort of understand why when a person who was HD becomes LD, they like it. They no longer have this frustration of wanting sex all the time and find their minds drifting into areas they shouldn't be and can concentrate on other areas of life. It must be making life more comfortable for them. So there's this pay off. A reward if you like.

For him not to go to a doctor, maybe he doesn't want his sex drive to come back! Maybe he's happy the way things are for him.

Now I know what everyone is thinking here and you don't have to say it. YEs it is very selfish and I agreee with you 100% on that because it is. No question about it. 

Really, the question here is where does that leave the other partner?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> It seems like an unfortunate mismatch of nature that men and women meet their sexual peaks at such different stages of life. It is frustrating and can be hard on a marriage.


Life is full of cruel jokes and that's definitely one of them....


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## DH1971 (Sep 15, 2012)

This just means you are the man in the relationship, that's all.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

Apparently there are natural ways to increase testosterone and maybe you can get him into a new exercise regime and change his diet without him actually realising your motives. 

Natural ways to increase testosterone levels with exercise and diet


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

TopazGal said:


> Thanks to every one.....Just to answer the inquirey besides taking pics or going for sex in all places (on me) I have always met his needs and done anything he has asked......even had sex anywhere...ANYWHERE!!!! I have only been together with him for 15 years....so his YOUNGER years......well IDK and I did not have a lot of SEX I have only had 3 partners including him and 1 was sex 1x......sooooooo lol


start playing alittle hard to get your too accessible.turn him down once in awhile. don't be so eager too please him .....but you have to do it in the nicest way possible flirting and playfull like.next time he starts something say I wish you would have told me earlier I took care of things my self ...but I was think of you and you were good, maybe tomorrow we can fool around.then say love you baby and give him a kiss good night.


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## scorpion31 (Sep 16, 2012)

don't worry you're not alone.
i'm dealing with the same problem, we're married for 4yrs no kids,
i'm 13yrs younger. he never ever attempt to make love to me, he said he is old but he is 45 yrs old. he said he needed a testostorone supplement so i found the right one for him and he's taking it for us, bec i told him he is ruining our marriage. but i still need to ask or convince him to make love when is needed. or i want it atleast.


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## scorpion31 (Sep 16, 2012)

i'm feeling the same too. i want to have sex early in the morning, in the middle of the day at night omg! i want it all the time! that's why its sucks when my husband is on the different page


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## jaques (Sep 18, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> drerio.....he is not overweight.....he is exmilitary....still in shape.....he gets an erection quite quickly....he does it fine until he "finishes" and it is all good....he just doesnt want it as much as I do ...... I think about it morning noon and night and then dream about it too.....lol


sorry you are going through this,Topaz. i am sure it is frustrating.

i'm wondering if i am going through something similar to your hubby. i am 41 so a bit younger. i have noticed i am less interested in sex with my wife recently. not because i dont find her attractive. it does not sound like that is true of your hubby either.

i am wondering if you or someone else could provide some definition around the erection needs of a 38 year old woman. she seems to get her cheeri-Os just fine when i go down on her (most every time we do it). i get up fine, but this soldier is falling down on the job. is she needing the full out, rock hard bone? 

please help


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