# Flirting with a man with a gf



## BicMarkit (Oct 30, 2012)

Hi - I acted impulsively lately and invited a guy 'friend' to meet me up after work. He didn;t reply but let me know by text the next day that he was really tired after work (he said sorry I was pooped). The next evening, I sent him a photo of myself in my outfit for my x-mas party - I looked pretty good I think. No response.
He has a gf and i'm married...ughhh! what am i doing! My H and I have been fighting a lot and we're discussing divorce. and I've had a crush on this friend for a year. He can be very flirty sometimes, touching me on my back, shoulders, poking me....etc. I work out at his gym so I see him a lot.


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## BicMarkit (Oct 30, 2012)

When my H and I worked out somethings after a huge divorce talk, things were good for about 2 weeks. And I was able to go to the gym and see my 'friend' as just a 'friend', but then last week, 'friend' did some cool move in the gym, and I felt my heartbeat pick up and melt...


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> Hi - I acted impulsively lately and invited a guy 'friend' to meet me up after work. He didn;t reply but let me know by text the next day that he was really tired after work (he said sorry I was pooped). The next evening, I sent him a photo of myself in my outfit for my x-mas party - I looked pretty good I think. No response.
> He has a gf and i'm married...ughhh! what am i doing! My H and I have been fighting a lot and we're discussing divorce. and I've had a crush on this friend for a year. He can be very flirty sometimes, touching me on my back, shoulders, poking me....etc. I work out at his gym so I see him a lot.
> 
> When my H and I worked out somethings after a huge divorce talk, things were good for about 2 weeks. And I was able to go to the gym and see my 'friend' as just a 'friend', but then last week, 'friend' did some cool move in the gym, and I felt my heartbeat pick up and melt...


And this is why married people can't have opposite sex friends.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hey! Is this a quiz? Is it? Because I can answer your question!



> He has a gf and i'm married...ughhh! what am i doing!


You are trying to spit in the eye of his girlfriend. 

But I have a couple of questions for you...

Why are you trying to hurt his girl friend?

What has she ever done to you?

And if you do not care about his girl friend, can steal her man away from him and shatter her heart for no good reason, then that's so cold it borders on being inhuman. 

But you don't really hate her that much. *Do you?* :scratchhead:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> And this is why married people can't have opposite sex friends.


No. But it is a reason why *some *married people can't have friends of the opposite sex. Like some people can never be trusted with the key to the liquor cabinet.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BicMarkit said:


> He has a gf and i'm married...ughhh! what am i doing!


 Wow, you are married yet based on the title that you gave to the thread, our order of importance as to the issue is that he has a GF. That fact that you are married is of secondary importance. Again, wow.:scratchhead:


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I suggest you check out a few other affair boards. They might give you the support you need. You care about the fact that he has a girlfriend, but you are married. How low are you willing to going before you realize what the consequences of your actions will be?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

TRy said:


> Wow, you are married yet based on the title that you gave to the thread, our order of importance as to the issue is that he has a GF. That fact that you are married is of secondary importance. Again, wow.:scratchhead:


Agreed... this is, troubling


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Agreed... this is, troubling


Kind of makes one wonder if giving all this attention and flirting with other men is the reason for her marriage crumbling in the first place. Bic, have you ever considered that if you had expended half the energy on your marriage as you do on flirting and seeking attention from other men you _might_ not be where you are right now?

You do seem like an easy way out kind of person.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You're questioning yourself. Which is what you should be doing and what he wanted you to do by politely constructing the boundaries that he created by not replying and declining. Just apologize to him and thank him for understanding and move on from it. No biggie. Stop knocking yourself for it, he got your back so you can consider him a good friend. Just lay off for a while more than you normally would or you will creep him out. I have a rule I don't use my guy friends if I am having relationship issues. If I break up, sure, but not like if I'm having a bad time in a relationship. I solve it myself and if I need help I ask for it by phone or email. Definitely I don't go flirting with my guy friends insinuating I can offer more than I can, that would be cruel and insulting to them. Plus they know I don't feel that way about them so they would probably tell me to knock it off and suck it up until I found a new guy to date. Every single one of my guy friends has told me I shouldn't date a guy I'm working for. But since they can't offer any other alternative we've all figured I will risk it and see what happens, so far so good. However, I am solidifying my male friendships. This does not mean flirting with them, it means leveling with them and a real friendship, not some backup guy/s. If I do flirt when I'm with them, it's usually a guy at the bar if we're in a restaurant...lol. And that's kind of difficult because they assume I'm 'with' the guy I'm with, and there would be trouble...

If you have a problem with your relationship, save it for a friend who is emotionally available, and for goodness sake male or female don't flirt with them. Flirting might boost you temporarily but it's not going to solve your basic problem. Thank goodness you found your moment of weakness in going to a person who gives a sh*t about you or you could have been taken for a very bad ride.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

He turned you down cold. Twice.

Guess you can't take a hint. Figures.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

BicMarkit said:


> Hi - I acted impulsively lately and invited a guy 'friend' to meet me up after work. He didn;t reply but let me know by text the next day that he was really tired after work (he said sorry I was pooped). The next evening, I sent him a photo of myself in my outfit for my x-mas party - I looked pretty good I think. No response.
> He has a gf and i'm married...ughhh! what am i doing! My H and I have been fighting a lot and we're discussing divorce. and I've had a crush on this friend for a year. He can be very flirty sometimes, touching me on my back, shoulders, poking me....etc. I work out at his gym so I see him a lot.
> 
> When my H and I worked out somethings after a huge divorce talk, things were good for about 2 weeks. And I was able to go to the gym and see my 'friend' as just a 'friend', but then last week, 'friend' did some cool move in the gym, and I felt my heartbeat pick up and melt...


Good for you, Bic, to realize the danger of what you are doing. Don't endanger your marriage and job to seek attention from a co-worker. 

Tell your husband what you have done. Tell him that you need to address the issues in your marriage.

Are you familiar with Dr. Willard Harley and Marriage Builders? Google it. It will save your marriage.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

"friend" my A$$...


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## Monarch (Dec 5, 2012)

I'd guess by his lack of response to your messages that he's trying to tell you to back off. He has a girlfriend. If he were interested in dumping her for you (or at least shopping around) he'd have shown up after work and he wouldn't have been "pooped". Guys who are interested and available are never too "pooped" to meet up with a woman who invites them anywhere unless it's a museum or other cultural event. Or possibly ice skating. Guys who aren't available and don't want to presumptuously assume you're hitting on them (they won't say "I'm seeing someone" and risk offending you) will make up cute sounding excuses as to why they couldn't step out on their SO to meet up with another woman. The word "pooped" falls into that category IMO.

It sounds like you're trying to steal him away from his current relationship so you can have a reason to divorce your H and another relationship to hop right into. Something tells me you'd be better off figuring out what you want to do about your marriage first, stay away from the guy who is taken, and go from there. 

Go to the gym at a different time of day for awhile. No need to drive yourself crazy with that temptation. He's got your number; if they break up and he calls you, cross that bridge when you get to it. It's not fair to your H to be flirting with anyone else while you're still "talking" about divorce anyway. Then you're just wasting everybody's time.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

How about you check the post you had on the infedilty board. It might help you more.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Change the title to "Married Women Flirting With Man Who Has A GIRL FRIEND" 
Your already [email protected]#king up your marriage, Why are you trying to F#$k up his relationship?


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> The next evening, I sent him a photo of myself in my outfit for my x-mas party - I looked pretty good I think. No response.


Do I need to say the words? I'll be as gentle as possible... He isn't into you, you aren't his dream girl, he chooses his girlfriend over you, you mean as much to him as your husband means to you, let me repeat that, *you-mean-as-much-to-him-as-your-husband-means-to-you.*

When a man rejects a woman's efforts as blatantly as he has, it means, 'leave me the hell alone'! Stop embarrassing yourself.

T


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Opposite sex friends don't belong in a marriage imo. 

Only OSFs allowed are friends of the marriage, and by friends of the marriage meaning you're still never alone together on a regular basis.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> Hi - I acted impulsively lately and invited a guy 'friend' to meet me up after work. He didn;t reply but let me know by text the next day that he was really tired after work (he said sorry I was pooped). The next evening, I sent him a photo of myself in my outfit for my x-mas party - I looked pretty good I think. No response.
> He has a gf and i'm married...ughhh! what am i doing! My H and I have been fighting a lot and we're discussing divorce. and I've had a crush on this friend for a year. He can be very flirty sometimes, touching me on my back, shoulders, poking me....etc. I work out at his gym so I see him a lot.
> 
> When my H and I worked out somethings after a huge divorce talk, things were good for about 2 weeks. And I was able to go to the gym and see my 'friend' as just a 'friend', but then last week, 'friend' did some cool move in the gym, and I felt my *heartbeat pick up and melt*...


If you want to ruin two relationships due to stupidity and sappy crap like whats bolded, go ahead.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

he doesn't sound very interested thank goodness
don't embarrass yourself or insult your husband any more


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Is he a goal or what ? Does he need to acknowledge you ?

Your desperation is seeping out. Don't make it awkward for both of you.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Yuk. It's a marriage forum not a cheating forum.


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## ilou (Oct 25, 2012)

I'm very good at replying to threads where the poster does a hit and run. First, I hope this isn't the case. Second, this will not end well.

What are you two fighting about? Do either of you have trust issues? I'll tell you straight up, you're already in the beginning stages of an affair.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Do you like being a cliche ?? Common ???
Why are you having such lowering of you morals ??
I want you to give a higher value to yourself than that.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Thanks, BicMarkit, you have confirmed to me that women really do think the things that you do.

Being on the receiving end of some of your antics, you will always have naysayers who will tell you, surely she didn't mean it that way. and well, you just proved, at least sometimes, there are women who like the one upmanship 

and guess what?!?!? ..... sometimes, they are married as well. Because the fact that a woman is married MUST mean that she has better things to do than that....... according to the naysayers.

I side with the others here. This guy is not interested in you and he is trying to be nice about showing his disinterest. How much does he need to do to get you to back off?

I chuckle also because it reminds me of my fiancé's erstwhile EA. the last text/ e-mail exchange that they had, she asked "Can we not be friends or at least friendly with one another?" My fiancé asked me how I wanted to answer it. I told him since she likes having the last word (as evidenced by other e-mail and text exchanges), let's do nothing and let her have it.

That may be what this guy is doing for you.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

*sniff* *sniff*

Is that troll I smell?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Yeah I smell the troll. 

She lets herself sound too ridiculous to be true and doesn't appear to have the common sense of a grown up. 

OP, I suggest you go to the affairs forum. You'll be liked a lot over there and people might take you more seriously.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

hey guess what
my wife had a "friend" from the gym.
they ended up wrecking our marriage (and his). but hey they had a fun two years, so who cares right?
how about you pony up grow some nuts and get a divorce before commencing with your soul mate?
sending him provacative pictures, you already crossed the line.
but then again you cant really take the plunge without tasting the goods, huh?
cant buy a car without a test drive, huh?
so better to keep your husband dangling until you figure out which one you want. im sure he wont mind.
youre gross.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Switch gyms if you can....at least until your divorce is final.

But honeslty there probably is no need to. As stated above he's not interested. We men are a simple folk. If we really want a woman, being tired won't deter us.


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## BicMarkit (Oct 30, 2012)

no, I'm not a troll. Yes I was desperate for the attention. I'm NOT going to see him alone ever again or text him or call him etc.
Thanks to committedwife for her understanding. I do feel embarrassed and gross, and is why I came on here, to get a prespective from others. Now I see it. Thanks


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## BicMarkit (Oct 30, 2012)

thanks people. I feel a little bit better now, and have decided to cut him off. 
I didn't want an affair - I think i just craved the attention, that I wasn't getting from my spouse.


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## BicMarkit (Oct 30, 2012)

I dismissed the photo as something else, and just told him have a nice vacay with your gf, and hopefully I won't see him. I won't be going to his gym either anymore


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Take it from someone who's been there and done that - the path you're going down is not a good one. Find some time to have some conversations with your husband about what is not working in your marriage. Both of you need to commit to fixing it.

I'd even advise sharing what you've done/said with this OM to help him understand how serious this is for you. It also is going to be important to give him transparency in your life (phone/email/internet) and vice versa to ensure there aren't any hidden spots for either of you to do this type of behavior.

Pick up something for you two to work on together, like the 5 Love Languages and I would recommend that you read Not Just Friends to see how easily it is to slip into that EA.


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## concernedarmywife (Dec 18, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> And this is why married people can't have opposite sex friends.


I agree. Married couples can't have friends of the opposite sex because someone always takes it a step further without thinking twice. I'm going through the same thing with my husband. It doesn't matter how much you guys are fighting, bringing others into your marriage is just causing more and more issues. Work on solving the problems in your marriage, not getting attention from another man.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> no, I'm not a troll. Yes I was desperate for the attention. I'm NOT going to see him alone ever again or text him or call him etc.
> Thanks to committedwife for her understanding. I do feel embarrassed and gross, and is why I came on here, to get a prespective from others. Now I see it. Thanks


Well, we aren't done here yet... now lets move on to your marriage.

You said:

My H and I have been fighting a lot and we're discussing divorce.
I've had a crush on this friend *for a year*.
He can be very flirty sometimes, touching me on my back, shoulders, poking me....etc. I work out at his gym so I see him a lot.
Friend' did some cool move in the gym, and I felt my heartbeat pick up and melt...

Are you aware that it is this infatuation you have that has brought you to the brink of divorce? That if this guy never came up on your radar that you'd probably not be considering divorce?

Based on your erratic behavior, you seem to be caught up in this to the point that you're losing track of reality, and that's exactly what these things do to peoples minds, they're temporarily out of touch with the truth, they're floating on a cloud, are you aware that's whats going on?

I know you said you *HAD* a crush on him, but are you aware that there's no *HAD* to it, it is *HAVE*, you *HAVE* a crush on him (and by the way, it isn't a crush, it's been a year, it's more of an out-of-control infatuation).

If you don't fully address this, and completely remove yourself from any contact at all with him, then you're life will crash and burn, and it isn't going to be pretty.

T


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

AlphaHalf said:


> Change the title to "Married Women Flirting With Man Who Has A GIRL FRIEND"
> Your already [email protected]#king up your marriage, Why are you trying to F#$k up his relationship?


Hint: My OW told tempting a married man, and having him respond, made her feel sexy.

Maybe the answer is that simple.

I turned down the advances from the OW numerous times. She didn't take the hint and upped her game. I stupidly eventually took the bait, like a uneducated Bass biting the fish hook.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> no, I'm not a troll. Yes I was desperate for the attention. I'm NOT going to see him alone ever again or text him or call him etc.
> Thanks to committedwife for her understanding. I do feel embarrassed and gross, and is why I came on here, to get a prespective from others. Now I see it. Thanks


You need to address why you are looking at other men while married. 

Are you unhappy?

Did you love your husband when you married or was it more a marriage of convenience. 

Asking for a divorce before cheating is a good sign in a skewed way. it shows that you were very conflicted about your attraction. So conflicted you were contemplating divorce. 

If you are not happy, attractions to other men is going to be an ongoing problem.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

If you want to work on your marriage have no further contact with your crush. Change gyms, move to the moon, whatever it takes. You will never rekindle then flames with your hubby if your crush is using up all the oxygen.

If you think your marriage is over, file and cut your hubby loose. Don't string him along in a loveless marriage.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> no, I'm not a troll. Yes I was desperate for the attention. I'm NOT going to see him alone ever again or text him or call him etc.
> Thanks to committedwife for her understanding. I do feel embarrassed and gross, and is why I came on here, to get a prespective from others. Now I see it. Thanks


Don't feel embarrassed and gross. Please realize that humans are always going to be attracted to other opposite sex humans. It's normal. We need to accept that while keeping our committments. 

The part that causes damage is doing more than just looking. 

You didn't do that. You came here asking for help.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Why do you open the same thread everywhere? You already have this thread in CWI.

Stop trolling and spamming.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

BicMarkit said:


> When my H and I worked out somethings after a huge divorce talk, things were good for about 2 weeks. And I was able to go to the gym and see my 'friend' as just a 'friend', but then last week, 'friend' did some cool move in the gym, and I felt my heartbeat pick up and melt...


LOL, I honestly believe this is a sincere post and definitely not a troll. Honest. Scout's Honour.


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