# My wife to separate



## Jay Davis (Aug 10, 2016)

My wife want to separate. She say she want see what it feels like to be on her on without someone tell her when and what she can do and spend her money. I think this is some bull**** because I am the one who has made sure we stayed on top of everything. 

It really hurt like because I love her. So I found a therapist to help me get pass this and now she want go with me, but she still wants to move. We have been together for 18 years and no kids and no affairs or side pieces. She started going to trailrides and going to dances about 2 years ago and all most every weekend she gone and says I am to controlling. Do anyone think I should move on and let her be or keep trying.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Well....are you controlling?

Because, yes..it happens...but it can also be a shaming tactic...

What else is going on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I hate to say it, and I know you can't psychoanalyze from one singular post, but I thought the same thing. . .you SOUND controlling (not saying you are).


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Not much to go on here but I do not understand how anyone can call you controlling for objecting to your wife taking off EVERY week end without you. You post does not even say if you know where she is.

I'm not betting at this point that you are controlling. I bet there is a better chance that if she is gone every week end that there is another man involved here somewhere and in some way.

If you want any really good advice you need to post more details


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP we need a lot more details about your situation. And listen to straightshooter definitely the best advice, especially when it comes to infidelity my opinion he's the best take him serious. Don't forget to post more details about your situation. I'm sorry you're here take the advice of straightshooter
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Jay Davis said:


> My wife want to separate. She say she want see what it feels like to be on her on without someone tell her when and what she can do and spend her money. I think this is some bull**** because I am the one who has made sure we stayed on top of everything.
> 
> It really hurt like because I love her. So I found a therapist to help me get pass this and now she want go with me, but she still wants to move. We have been together for 18 years and no kids and no affairs or side pieces. She started going to trailrides and going to dances about 2 years ago and all most every weekend she gone and says I am to controlling. Do anyone think I should move on and let her be or keep trying.


Well she should get her space to party, you controlling schmuck!

Kidding. Calm down.

Going off your not very many details post your W sounds like she wants to be single again. Midlife crisis? How old are you two?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jay Davis said:


> She started going to trailrides and going to dances about 2 years ago and all most every weekend she gone and says I am to controlling. Do anyone think I should move on and let her be or keep trying.


Without you?

Well you may be controlling but if you are letting her go out to dances on the weekends it doesn't sound like you are the puppet master or something. She may be having an affair going out to dances every weekend would certainly give her opportunity. 

I don't go for separating in marriages though. I would tell her "we work on it or divorce". At the very least get her to promises if you separate she can't see anyone. See how she takes that. I suspect you will get your answer by her answer to that. 

To me though, I would print out the D papers and also print out some numbers of marriage counselors and say. 

Look I may be making mistakes and I am willing to work but I am not willing to live separate lives. You pick.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Scannerguard said:


> I hate to say it, and I know you can't psychoanalyze from one singular post, but I thought the same thing. . .you SOUND controlling (not saying you are).


A guy who lets his wife go out dancing every weekend? Who's your husband Mr. Magoo? :grin2:


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## Jay Davis (Aug 10, 2016)

I'm sorry for not being more detail, but I have 18 years of things I could talk about, but on her going out dancing I always no where she at and who she with and she always tell me where she's going without asking. She feels Im controlling but only when comes to our money. My plan and or different because I want to retire at 55 and she think that's crazy. Right now Im 44 and she's 41. She gave me full control of the money for 15 years and I started to giving up control after that because of all the back lash I would get from her when I said no we can't. I were bucket list we want have one because we have done and benn every ware but the moon.


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## Ralph Bellamy (Aug 8, 2016)

Jay Davis said:


> I'm sorry for not being more detail, but I have 18 years of things I could talk about, but on her going out dancing I always no where she at and who she with and she always tell me where she's going without asking. She feels Im controlling but only when comes to our money. My plan and or different because I want to retire at 55 and she think that's crazy. Right now Im 44 and she's 41. She gave me full control of the money for 15 years and I started to giving up control after that because of all the back lash I would get from her when I said no we can't. I were bucket list we want have one because we have done and benn every ware but the moon.


Frankly, if you're about 10 years from retirement and she isn't cheating (you'd better be sure about this), I would try to find some sort of compromise. To divorce would be financially devastating.


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## BLUEVELVET (Aug 11, 2016)

You shouldn't be controlling, women love to have some freedom and be able to do whatever they wish to do.
You could make her stay by changing yourself, show her that you understand what she wants and respect her. Just win her again. it might be hard at first but you'll get used to it.
And about her going out every weekend, you should actually pay more attention to that because you never know what she might be up to when she's away, doesn't mean you have to be controlling


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## Jay Davis (Aug 10, 2016)

I found out she was cheating


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

How did you find out? And what has been her response?


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## red37 (Feb 19, 2016)

.I figured it was another man 

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jay Davis said:


> I found out she was cheating


How did you find out? How long has it been going on?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

When you mentioned trail rides I knew she was cheating. Trail rides are fvck fests, or so I've been told.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Jay Davis said:


> My wife want to separate. She say she want see what it feels like to be on her on without someone tell her when and what she can do and spend her money. I think this is some bull**** because I am the one who has made sure we stayed on top of everything.


Is just Bull to get away from you with out admitting to her choices/lies.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

So sorry...

But it does seem like 99.9% of the time when a H posts here saying his W asked to separate 'for space' or to 'find herself'....there is always some POS c*ckroach of an OM that eventually he discovers.....it's almost as regular as the sun rising, even if the BH at first claims that he is '100%' sure that there has been no infidelity in the past or any OM at the moment.

Some of them spend pages arguing with the posters here about it, only to come back and announce the same as you just have.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will be happy one day that you discovered the A rather quick, and didn't have to go through weeks or months of the torment of not knowing for sure why your WW keeps pulling away and refusing to work on fixing things.


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## Jay Davis (Aug 10, 2016)

her Facebook message was open and her and the guy had been meeting up and of course having sex and video chat and short movies. She say it was nothing but it is what it is. She talking about don't want to lose me because we were greater friends. Nope Im out.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

She says it was nothing? That's a riot.

Kind of like robbing a liquor store and then telling the judge; "oh, it was nothing".


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Jay Davis said:


> her Facebook message was open and her and the guy had been meeting up and of course having sex and video chat and short movies. She say it was nothing but it is what it is. She talking about don't want to lose me because we were greater friends. Nope Im out.



Friends??? Definition - trusting, loyal and honest. She's not your friend. She out screwing another man behind your back.

File


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Agree with @Dyokemm. Without clear boundaries (which includes no dating or socializing) that are adhered to it is a cowards way of slipping the other person out the door without the trouble of facing up to what they have done.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Agree with @Dyokemm. Without clear boundaries (which includes no dating or socializing) that are adhered to it is a cowards way of slipping the other person out the door without the trouble of facing up to what they have done. 

Andy keep posting. This board can help you get to the other side somewhat sane and whole. Use her adultery to define yourself by your actions.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Friends?.....

I would tell her in no uncertain terms where she could shove that idea.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I had a friend with OP's name. 

Many hard knocks had he.

Last I heard he lived under a bridge in Mississippi.


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