# Wife is filing for divorce....Any thoughts?



## firewoodman (May 25, 2012)

I am a recovering alcoholic (27 days today) and my problem has been in effect for over 10 years with the last 6 getting worse and the last 2 worse than ever.

I have experienced blackouts over the last 3 years or better and in the last 2 years there has been domestic violence on my part, which has scared my wife. We have a two year old son and I have never harmed him.

My wife, family and friends have been trying to tell me for the past 4-5 years that I have had a problem with drinking but I was in complete denial.

Needless to say that things were getting bad between my wife and me and after our last big fight, she moved out with our son and gave me a restraining order. I quit drinking for good after that, not realizing how bad I was until I read the report. She never filed charges, she just wanted me to get clean for life and be involved with our family more.

Since she has moved out I have been going to AA meetings, checked myself into outpatient alcohol treatment, stayed sober and started working on my issues in order to become a better person.

I can honestly say that most of the problems that I have had in my life so far lately, have been alcohol related. I had two affairs back to back about 6 years ago and she left me then only to come back about 2 months later. I was supposed to quit drinking then, go to marriage counseling and become a better communicator. I never followed through with anything.

Recently she caught me talking to one of the gal's from the 1st affair on the phone, drunk of course. I do not remember talking to this gal or what I was saying but was a very bad decision on my part and I was acting selfishly.

When I am sober, I am very stable, I make good decisions and I am really into my wife and our son. When I get drunk, I become someone completely different. She told me that she doesn't know who I am anymore and she just wants her sober husband back.

She doesn't believe in divorce and neither do I. But I have relapsed twice in the past and each time my drinking was more and more, crazier and crazier behavior.

My assessment said I was a late stage alcoholic and I am only 34 years old. The best thing that ever happened was getting served that order, it saved my life.

My question to everyone is do you think that at this point she is readying herself for my next relapse? Is it possible that she is watching everymove that I make? She has said in the past that she doesn't trust me or that I am going to stay sober.

Just because she files paperwork, that doesn't necessarily mean that she is going to follow through with it does it? I would like to think that I have alot to prove to her and that time can and will heal us. We have our son who needs his mom and dad. I have not spoken or seen her since May 4th. I can't talk to her because of the order. 

I love her and our son so much, I miss them both! I plan on fighting for her, our son and our marriage. I have to get myself straight before I can lead my family. 

Let me know your thoughts!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Well, your wife certainly didn't short-change you on commitment and support after all you did to her.

I don't think she really had any choices left. She had to file for divorce because your past record gives her no indication of hope. I'm certain, deep down she's still hoping for miracles, but that means you're going to have to be that miracle.

Do you see yourself changing her mind? You probably do, but she doesn't.

You already know what you have to do. Just do it.

At this point your words mean little to her. It's your actions that will speak the loudest. Cut the words short and go straight to the action part.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

FWM,
Good on you for finally recognizing you had a problem and are doing something about it. AA is truly a wonderful program and I have seen many lives changes as a result. My STBXW was in your shoes not too long ago. She too is now in AA and hasn't had a drink in almost four weeks. Actions speak louder than words though. You will need to show her you mean business and that means full recovery and sobriety.


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