# Accused of being gay



## rushmore (Jan 24, 2013)

Shortly after finishing college my girlfriend at the time got a job cooking in a restaurant that happened to be owned by two gay men. I was underemployed at the time and a few months after she began, she told me they needed a bartender and asked if I wanted the job. I'd always wanted the experience of being a bartender and this was my only chance so I took it. Of course, I was around a largely gay crowd. It didn't offend me and I frequently found I could meet girls there as well when they came with their gay friends.

Fast forward a few years. My first prostate exam. I had no idea what it was. The doctor put his finger in my butt, touched my prostate, then said everything was fine. However, once he touched it, it created a sensation similar to ejaculation but without the whole body climax.

Fast forward again and a past girlfriend had gone down on me and she put her finger in my butt on my prostate and the combination was awesome. Very enjoyable.

Now I'm married (to a different girl than the ones above) and one day she was asking me to tell her what I like. I told her about the prostate experience at the doctor's office but left out the blowjob from the prior girlfriend so as not to hurt my wife's feelings. 

Now my wife thinks I'm hiding repressed gay feelings and is repulsed by the idea. In fights she frequently brings up the topic of her not having a **** and therefore she can't satisfy me. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but when someone gets a notion about you, well, it's hard to change their mind. I've never had a problem in the bedroom with her. I've never looked at gay porn. I don't think about guys, etc...

I'm not looking for a trick or anything like that to prove to her I'm not gay, but I just get tired of having to remind her of the fact over and over, so I'm wondering what you would do if you were me in this situation. And how common around here is the incorporation of prostate-play in the bedroom?

Thanks.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

nothing enters my butt. thats a rule


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

My girlfriend used a vibrating butt plug on me last night. While she sucked me off. I felt like my cum hit the freaking ceiling.

Not the first time, I've always found orgasms to be much more intense with the anal stimulation component.

I'm as straight as they cum but when I get my A$$ stimulated while she's blowing me the orgasms are totally mind blowing.

A$$ stimulation does NOT equate to gayness, the one exception being guys who ask their girlfriends to wear a strapon and screw them in the A$$ because that is a direct emulation of sex with another guy, which is a heck of a lot more than what you told your wife you like done to you.

As far as fixing your problem with her?

She needs an education. Point her to a few websites that talk about guys enjoying anal stimulation and how it has nothing to do with being gay.

She sounds rather closeminded and stubborn, but you gotta try.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Lots and lots of men love a finger up there, or small vibrating toy, or just simply massaging the spot between the *hole and the testicles. 

It has nothing to do with being gay or not. It makes an orgasm more intense and it feels good to a lot of men. 

Mine included. And I assure you he isn't gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)


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## OrganizedChaos (Jan 23, 2013)

She is just looking for a quick way to hurt you, most people have heard of this kind of thing. So maybe its just out of her comfort zone.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

rushmore said:


> I'm not looking for a trick or anything like that to prove to her I'm not gay, but I just get tired of having to remind her of the fact over and over, so I'm wondering what you would do if you were me in this situation. And how common around here is the incorporation of prostate-play in the bedroom?


Taking into account that you worked in a place that you say was a predominately gay crowd, and considering that when asked, you honestly told her that you liked the feeling you got at a prostate exam, I'd say she gets a free pass on having the 'are you gay' discussion one time, not twice, not thee times, once, anything after that and she'd be walking on very, very thin ice.

T


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Add me to the list. I wish my wife would stimulate my prostate.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Tony55 said:


> Taking into account that you worked in a place that you say was a predominately gay crowd, and considering that when asked, you honestly told her that you liked the feeling you got at a prostate exam, I'd say she gets a free pass on having the 'are you gay' discussion one time, not twice, not thee times, once, anything after that and she'd be walking on very, very thin ice.
> 
> T


The man has a point. Including that you worked in a gay restaurant. It was certainly not your "only chance" to get a job as a bartender. Unless you applied at every bar within reasonable driving distance and exhausted all options. But you didn't, you were offered a job at a gay bar and you snapped it right up.

As far as the medical visit goes.. 

It's one thing to have your prostate stimulated by a girl while she's blowing you. A feeling close to orgasm in a medical office with a guy's finger up there?

Unless the prostate doc was a chick and you meant to write "she" instead of "he".

I'm having second thoughts on this one.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

After reading about prostate massage on here, I asked my hubby if he'd like me to try it, and got a resounding NO FREAKING WAY from him. He also thinks it's something only gay guys like. :scratchhead: That's like saying only gay women like dildos.

If your wife is throwing this in your face all the time, tell her to google it and educate herself. If she still throws it in your face, get a new wife.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Dude, unless you hid from your wife that you got BJs from other women, why the hell would you omit that from the whole thing? Seriously, you should have said "well, there was one girl who did this when she gave be a BJ and it was an amazing experience. I'd like to experience that with you."... instead, you focused on what was done in the doctor's office and that you worked for two gay guys, and that most of the clientele were gay. By omitting the gf, you helped her leap to that conclusion.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

rushmore said:


> Shortly after finishing college my girlfriend at the time got a job cooking in a restaurant that happened to be owned by two gay men. I was underemployed at the time and a few months after she began, she told me they needed a bartender and asked if I wanted the job. I'd always wanted the experience of being a bartender and this was my only chance so I took it. Of course, I was around a largely gay crowd. It didn't offend me and I frequently found I could meet girls there as well when they came with their gay friends.
> 
> Fast forward a few years. My first prostate exam. I had no idea what it was. The doctor put his finger in my butt, touched my prostate, then said everything was fine. However, once he touched it, it created a sensation similar to ejaculation but without the whole body climax.
> 
> ...


Your wife is totally over reacting, there are more than a few straight men who like to have a prostrate massage during OS. There is nothing gay about it, and there is nothing wrong with being gay.

She needs to better educated herself on what makes many men happy. She asked you a question and you told her what you liked. This is not abnormal, she is either a prude or clueless. My wife use to do this from time to time for me and it was quite a pleasure.

You need to have a long talk with her about sexuality and what parts of a man's body are stimulating. Do not let her beat you up about a simple pleasure of a prostrate massage.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Dude, unless you hid from your wife that you got BJs from other women, why the hell would you omit that from the whole thing? Seriously, you should have said "well, there was one girl who did this when she gave be a BJ and it was an amazing experience. I'd like to experience that with you."... instead, you focused on what was done in the doctor's office and that you worked for two gay guys, and that most of the clientele were gay. By omitting the gf, you helped her leap to that conclusion.


True. Yet another post on this thread that has me reversing my original stance.

This part of your post that the above poster refers to, makes no sense whatsoever upon further review:



rushmore said:


> I told her about the prostate experience at the doctor's office but left out the blowjob from the prior girlfriend so as not to hurt my wife's feelings.


Why would you think that telling her about a sexual experience with a past girlfriend that you enjoyed would "hurt her feelings"? She ASKED you what you'd like her to do! Of course she knows she's not the first girl you were with and obviously any sexual experiences that you enjoyed would have been with someone else! She's openly communicating with you, trying to find out what works for you sexually and you come up with "a male doctor stuck his finger in my butt and I almost had an orgasm".

I see her point.

Especially given the history of working in the gay restaurant and the rather lame excuse that it was the only job offer you had. 

I'm also thinking that you might have to ask yourself some hard questions. 

Pun intended.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Tell her the old girlfriend blow job story...

There's a straight up double standard between men and women and "the acceptability of experience" (and as a woman I completely accept this)

If I seriously thought my guy was gay...I'd be happy to hear about past exploits with ex-girlfriends to reassure me otherwise


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

This is the same wife who told you to sleep on the couch for 3 days for enjoying point-of-view porn, right?

This is another sh!t test. Make up something outrageous and see how many times she can insult you before you slap her down.

I suggest you put her in her place.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Or send her here and we can slap her down!!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

rushmore, is PHTlump right and you're the guy relegated to the couch for not having the same porn tastes as your wife? Is there no end to you having to defend yourself? There are several posts here about anal sex that have many many straight men here extolling the amazing virtues and ceiling shooting orgasms from a prostate massage during oral sex.

I asked my husband if I could do this to him and he said no way, but why would a guy not try this at least once to discover what is supposed to be the most amazing orgasms. But this is not your question.

Your wife's accusations continue to baffle me. How can you stand to be with someone who always has you on the defensive? Is she going around telling her friends that she thinks you are gay? Can you just ignore this just like if she said the sky is green? You can argue with her all day that it's not green but is there really a point when you know the truth?


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

I agree with the pp who said she just needs to be educated. To be honest, if my husband asked me to go there I probably would think, Hmmm... Gay. But since I've been reading TAM I see it is quite common in straight couples and it has gotten great reviews. 

In fact recently I went there during oral and I just simply licked his ABC (ass ball connection) and that alone drove him bananas!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

hey, I'm going to try that! see if he stops me.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

She's an ignorant fool, and you should pay her no mind.

The prostate is the male g-spot. Stimulate it properly on any man, and he'll feel pleasure. The prostate doesn't have a sexual orientation.

Don't even think of catering to this kind of foolishness from her, or any woman.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

It's ludicrous to suggest the OP is gay just because he took a job at a gay bar. 

There are plenty of straight men who are comfortable around gay men and I suppose you could say confident in their 'straightness'. 

That's totally unfair. 

She's being completely unreasonable. She needs to do some homework about the male g spot if she gives a crap at all. 

I know I certainly would if I cared enough. She needs to lay off, sorry you have to deal with that.


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## rushmore (Jan 24, 2013)

To everyone who responded: I appreciate your input and will alpha-up. And I will relish at the insanity of either being accused of being gay on the one hand or accused of fantasizing about exes when I explain to my wife that I'd had the prostate BJ before and it was great. That's a good rock and a hard place for an alpha male to be in!


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

notmarriedyet said:


> It's ludicrous to suggest the OP is gay just because he took a job at a gay bar.
> 
> There are plenty of straight men who are comfortable around gay men and I suppose you could say confident in their 'straightness'.
> 
> ...


I think straight men who are not comfortable around gay men are insecure about their own sexuality.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> I think straight men who are not comfortable around gay men are insecure about their own sexuality.


I think that is true in some cases.

I must admit that I enjoy people voicing their insecurities based on how others behave or dress. If I wear a pink dress shirt to work, I can always count on at least a couple of comments.

My response is always the same:
"Really? I hunt, I run, I scuba dive, and I have a beautiful, insanely smart wife who bought me this shirt... and likes me to wear it... and has actually told me she finds me hot in it. I love this fu*%ing shirt."


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

jaquen said:


> She's an ignorant fool, and you should pay her no mind.
> 
> The prostate is the male g-spot. Stimulate it properly on any man, and he'll feel pleasure. The prostate doesn't have a sexual orientation.


Really?

According to your theory then ob/gyn offices should be constantly filled with women having orgasms all over the place.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Has she ever brought up any other excuses for wanting out of the relationship? Seriously, for her to automatically jump to "well you are gay this won't work" without even trying to understand what you were saying indicates a bit of a red flag of a spouse who is not fully vested in the relationship.

And for the record, I don't think there is anything "gay" about having your erogenous zones stimulated. But even if you were deep down under all kinds of layers a bisexual, are her sexual or intimacy needs not being met by you? If she loses attraction for you because you are trying to express yourself, then is that really love? Why is she jumping to conclusions?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> I think straight men who are not comfortable around gay men are insecure about their own sexuality.


That might be overstating the case. I have been a vocal supporter of gay rights for a very long time now, and I'm pretty exclusively heterosexual on the Kinsey scale. I've had my face buried in the ample man bosom of an actor at the local Show"girl" club, but have never felt any physical or romantic attraction to another man. 

But I've never been very comfortable around a flamboyant gay man. It has always felt to me a little disingenuous, like an act designed to attract attention and excessive drama, even if that's completely my mischaracterization.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Add me to the list. I wish my wife would stimulate my prostate.


I'm kind of in the same boat. I've heard nothing but good things about the orgasm when your prostate is stimulated, but I'm afraid to bring this up to my wife (along with getting a footjob), mostly from fear of what she'll think. When my wife is giving me a BJ, she gently moves her hands around my body, softly kneading and scratching my balls and rubbing my @$$, and I think to myself, "Do it! Hit the spot! Do it!... Aw..." That request is kind of hard to put into words without sounding strange. "Honey, can you please stick your finger in my @$$?" :rofl:


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

rushmore said:


> Now my wife thinks I'm hiding repressed gay feelings and is repulsed by the idea. In fights she frequently brings up the topic of her not having a **** and therefore she can't satisfy me. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but when someone gets a notion about you, well, it's hard to change their mind. I've never had a problem in the bedroom with her. I've never looked at gay porn. I don't think about guys, etc...


So. You're gay because you like a sexual technique popularized by *female* prostitutes? :scratchhead:


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Really?
> 
> According to your theory then ob/gyn offices should be constantly filled with women having orgasms all over the place.


I'm going to assume this is a bad attempt at a joke.


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## Brzon (Feb 6, 2013)

rushmore said:


> I'm not looking for a trick or anything like that to prove to her I'm not gay, but I just get tired of having to remind her of the fact over and over, so I'm wondering what you would do if you were me in this situation.


No offense intended, but since your wife seems to be hung up about this issue, you will be in a safer place if you can be totally honest with yourself.

It seems you are being defensive about your sexual preferences. Gay and straight are not black and white, there is a continuum.

All sexually active married men are, on occasion, sexually attracted to other women to some degree - that doesn’t mean they act on the impulse.

Could it be that you feel the occasional twinge of sexual attraction towards other men? Why not? As long as you don’t act on these impulses, that would just be another sign of sexual health.

Perhaps you need to concentrate less on categorically stating “I am not gay!”, and more on assuring your wife that she is the only sun in your sexual universe.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Honestly, given the information you supplied, I would probably think the same thing. Only difference is if I felt my SO may be gay, I'm going on a rampage to find out the truth. I wouldn't keep throwing it in his face unless I was sure. Once I felt ok with knowing he isn't I'd leave it alone.
I have heard of men liking anal play, but to me that is a red flag. If my SO wanted me to play with his butt while blowing him, instant turn off. Not in any way saying you are gay(or anyone else who expressed interest), but my personal opinion is its not a straight activity. Maybe its having a very close gay male friend who tells me all sorts of horror stories.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> HI have heard of men liking anal play, but to me that is a red flag.


Ignorance at it's best (worst?).



vspinkgrl said:


> but my personal opinion is its not a straight activity.


The male g-spot is best accessed through the ass. Not the gay male g-spot, the male g-spot period. It's how men are built. 

There are ancient texts, going back thousands of years, that talk about women pleasuring men's asses. 

To suggest that heterosexual men can't have their g-spots stimulated without having homosexual inclinations is beyond ludicrous.

I'd suggest you try educating yourself. There is nothing attractive about ignorance.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Ignorance at it's best (worst?).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, I said I'm not calling anyone gay, but you sure are offended. 

Wouldn't call is ignorant, just have known of lots of men who use the "male gspot" and "anal feels better" as a cover for hidden homosexuality

As stated, this is my opinion in my relationship. This guy's SO could also feel this way. Just offering a little of what someone who sees it differently may think.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> Well, I said I'm not calling anyone gay, but you sure are offended.


Not offended. I'm allergic to mindless ignorance, regardless of the topic.



vspinkgrl said:


> Wouldn't call is ignorant, just have known of lots of men who use the "male gspot" and "anal feels better" as a cover for hidden homosexuality


Men who have "hidden homosexuality" aren't interested in women touching their g-spots. 

They're interested in other men sticking things up their ass.

This is the equivalent of suggesting that men who like women with short hair are using that as a cover for their hidden homosexuality.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Not equivalent at all.

A married man who is gay and has not come out of the closet very well may want his SO to fulfill gay fantasies or activities.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

vspinkgrl said:


> Not equivalent at all.
> 
> A married man who is gay and has not come out of the closet very well may want his SO to fulfill gay fantasies or activities.


Wow how enlightened are you? I can hardly wait to hear your views on the Loco Weed.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Dude, there is a difference between enjoying a sensation against your prostate and being sexually attracted to men.

I think most men are capable physically of getting aroused by that type of stimulation. Some men (and women) do not understand the physiology behind it and associate it with being gay. NOT the same thing.

Before I got married, I had a girlfriend who liked blindfolds and once surprised me with a dildo up my a$$. It hurt at first but I gotta tell you that was the most intense bj I've EVER had, before or since. That doesn't make me want to lock lips and rub body parts with a guy.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

My husbands absolutely favorite thing is to get his prostate (mans g-spot) massaged while getting a blowjob. The first time I tried it he got a prolonged full body orgasim...wow I was hooked after that. Nothing better than giving your spouse that kind of orgasim! Buy your spouse a book on male pleasure spots it was very enlightening. I was just looking for something to spice up our sex life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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