# Sleeping Arrangements



## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

Do you all sleep in the same bed as your husband? How important do you think it is?

We haven't slept in the same bed for years. We have weeks spurts where he will sleep with me, or I will ask him to. It started when I was pregnant with my first and he would snore loudly and fart and I would kick him out

Now, he says the bed is uncomfortable and we may invest in a new one. Don't know if we should though. I don't find our sleeping arrangement perfect but sometimes I think its odd.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

The only time we ever slept in separate beds in the almost 13 years we have been married was when he was going to school in Chicago while our oldest son and I (and then our daughter, after she was born) stayed about 2 hours away with my sister. But when he came home every weekend, we shared a bed. When he had to go for more training when he was working, he went alone for those couple days. But other than that? We have always slept in the same bed...even when we were angry with each other/disconnected/not getting along. When I snored due to sleep apnea, then he snored for the same reason...still in the same bed. To sleep separately, except for extenuating circumstances, is a foreign concept for us.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

And you know what, when he does sleep with me I often sleep more soundly than ever.
But it never sticks for some reason. Oh and hes a LOUD sleep talker, like full on outdoor voice that wakes me up when he does it. 

I understand his side though we have had the same bed for 8 years and it was used when we got it, so who knows. And one of the bed legs is broken on the frame for adult reasons haha, and hunny is too cheap to replace it, so its on a slant. It doesn't bother me though, so I havent put up too much fight.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Sometimes if we are really mad with each other, one or the other will go and sleep on the couch, but that is not very often. If one is really really sick, the other might go to the couch again to get some sleep without having to listen to the other cough or sneeze all night. The couch has a sofa bed in it. We have never had a spare room to retreat to.

When the kids were little sometimes the 3 boys would come & climb in our bed during the night and I would go and get in one of their's to get some peaceful sleep.

Over all though, we have always slept in the same bed when we are in the house together.

For some couples it does seem to cause a disconnect, but for some it works just fine.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

I think sleeping in the same bed is essential for a married couple. It is a way to keep your connection with each other. 

Just like Maricha said, even when my husband and I were in a rough place in our relationship we never did not sleep in the same bed. There is nothing I like better than waking up next to my husband and having his arms around me, starts my day off right!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Vspinkgrl, mine is a sleep talker too. And, we even co-slept with at least one child up until a couple months ago.

As for the broken bed frame... well, we had an easy remedy for that: no frame. Our box spring and mattress are right on the floor. They have been for about 7 years now. Was a bit easier for the little ones anyway lol.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I think sleeping together is very important. It's a must.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

I co-slept wit our youngest until she was 6 weeks. My husband is dead to the world when he is sleep so that was a definite separate condition right there.

I think I will start looking into buying a really good bed we can both enjoy, like a sleep number. 

Thanks for the input ladies.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

We co-slept too when the kids were really little. We had a co-sleeper that was in our bedroom. Then later they'd sneak into the bed early morning. We didn't mind. We both still slept in the same bed.
I think there are legitimate situations where husbands and wives need to sleep in separate beds..maybe one of them snores really badly, works a night rotation, or one of them has a medical condition that requires a special medical bed, but for most married couples not in some unusual situation, sleeping in the same bed leads to a greater sense of connection and intimacy assuming the marriage doesn't have other problems. We lead such separate indepdent lives now in the modern age. Sleeping together on the same bed is one way to connect with your spouse. I know it seems like a little thing to focus on, but I truly think it adds to intimacy. I love seeing my husband sleeping next to me. It's very reassuring. One of my divorced friends said that's one of the things she misses the most..having a warm body next to her at night. Sometimes until something is gone we don't realize how much we valued the experience.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> Do you all sleep in the same bed as your husband? How important do you think it is?
> 
> We haven't slept in the same bed for years. We have weeks spurts where he will sleep with me, or I will ask him to. It started when I was pregnant with my first and he would snore loudly and fart and I would kick him out
> 
> Now, he says the bed is uncomfortable and we may invest in a new one. Don't know if we should though. I don't find our sleeping arrangement perfect but sometimes I think its odd.


I think depending on the couple,it's completely fine to sleep in separate beds and doesn't necessarily have to mean anything deeper than "I wanna f*cking sleep without being disturbed!".

You've gotta be careful who you talk to about though bc most people have this idea in their head of how marriage is SUPPOSED to be and if you stray from the norm that means your marriage is in trouble or not a good one at all.

Sleep recharges us and gives our brains and our bodies the break we need to function properly in our waking hours.If you've got someone next to you tossing,turning,snoring,and being ridiculous then you have to do whatever you need to do in order to get your rest. screw what everyone else thinks about it as long as you are well rested and happy.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Has you H ever done a sleep test for sleep apnea or other sleeping disorders? Yes, I think sleeping together is important to keep a connection in a marriage.

Ooooh I totally get the snoring! My H was a terrible LOUD snoring machine all night long. Now that I think about it his snoring probably probably helped push our disconnect and my constant irritation with him. I became a light sleeper after the kids were born. So I went to sleep long before him so I would already be in hard sleep when he began snoring. But it always woke me up. I started to sleep in the guest room on some nights. Then it became most nights. I signed him up for a sleep test and he got a CPAP machine. The best damn thing that ever happened! Now he uses a special mouth guard that aligns his mouth and prevents most obstructive airway noises.


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

He had a sleep study appt. but he never kept it. Its hard for him to follow through with stuff like that.

Last night we were sleeping in the bed together and I woke up for some reason. He farted and I gave a weak attempt to kick him out, even though its one of my biggest peeves. He didn't even hear me and I went back to sleep. I'm happy he stayed LOL.


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

Do you think it odd that a divorced man would allow his 15 year old daughter to sleep in his bed with him when she is there for the weekend? Yes, she has her own fully furnished room, as well as a fully furnished guest room.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

MissMe said:


> Do you think it odd that a divorced man would allow his 15 year old daughter to sleep in his bed with him when she is there for the weekend? Yes, she has her own fully furnished room, as well as a fully furnished guest room.


Uhh... Yes I do think this is a bit odd.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

We've always slept together even though he snores and I fidget, talk, giggle and hog the blankets. 

I miss him terribly when i sleep alone for any reason.

I most enjoy that time when we first get into bed at night and talk and cuddle.

A comfy bed is a must!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

waiwera said:


> We've always slept together even though he snores and I fidget, talk, giggle and hog the blankets.
> 
> I miss him terribly when i sleep alone for any reason.
> 
> ...


Yep, agree. Bedtime cuddle and chat (and whatever) is our final wind down time.

Couldn't imagine not sleeping with my wife. I did snore a bit if I turned on to my back but I dropped a couple of pounds and I don't snore anymore. Apparently I snuffle a bit now which again apparently is "Kind of cute"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

MissMe said:


> Do you think it odd that a divorced man would allow his 15 year old daughter to sleep in his bed with him when she is there for the weekend? Yes, she has her own fully furnished room, as well as a fully furnished guest room.


"Odd" is a VERY mild understatement! THere is no reason for a man to have his daughter in his bed alone with him. Honestly, even if there wasn't a fully furnished room for her, or even a guest room, one of them should sleep on the couch or floor... but DEFINITELY not both in the same bed!


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

MissMe said:


> Do you think it odd that a divorced man would allow his 15 year old daughter to sleep in his bed with him when she is there for the weekend? Yes, she has her own fully furnished room, as well as a fully furnished guest room.


YES!

Not your situation i hope?


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

My husband and i sleep on the same bed. That is very important for us. Even if we have misunderstandings, we see to it that we still sleep on the same bed and share the same body pillow and blanket.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

When it's time to sleep, we are on our own sides but we both sleep much better in the same bed. I think it also helps keep intimacy in our marriage sharing a bed and pillow talk at night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

we don't have a usual western 'bed'; we sleep on korean-style mattresses on the floor. (they're amazingly comfy; i don't know how i ever slept on anything else!) anyway, we do sleep together in a warm pile of blankets and cuddling.  <3 

BUT- and thank God for this! - he doesn't snore at all. (neither do i; i never have). i would lose my mind if i had to try and sleep in the same room as someone who snored.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

MissMe said:


> Do you think it odd that a divorced man would allow his 15 year old daughter to sleep in his bed with him when she is there for the weekend? Yes, she has her own fully furnished room, as well as a fully furnished guest room.


Would it be odd if the divorced parent was a woman?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Leasel (Mar 30, 2013)

I require cuddling to sleep, so we always sleep together. When hubby was working nights and I was in school all day, it was hell on both of us, because we were always still trying to sleep together, and I can't sleep when he's not home.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

vspinkgrl said:


> Do you all sleep in the same bed as your husband? How important do you think it is?
> 
> We haven't slept in the same bed for years. We have weeks spurts where he will sleep with me, or I will ask him to. It started when I was pregnant with my first and he would snore loudly and fart and I would kick him out
> 
> Now, he says the bed is uncomfortable and we may invest in a new one. Don't know if we should though. I don't find our sleeping arrangement perfect but sometimes I think its odd.


Only time we don't is if one of us is very sick and contageous.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

MissMe said:


> Do you think it odd that a divorced man would allow his 15 year old daughter to sleep in his bed with him when she is there for the weekend? Yes, she has her own fully furnished room, as well as a fully furnished guest room.


Yes, but I also find it odd that a 15 year old girl would WANT to sleep in a bed with her Dad. Of all the guys I wanted to share a bed with at that age, Dad was NOT one of them! 

(Now, Gary Wilson on the other hand...  Too bad he went to a different school and was a year older than me. But as fate would have it, we did end up making out a friend's birthday party so... yay me! LOL)


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## Flygirl (Apr 9, 2013)

We've been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the last 10 years. It started because of his snoring. 8 years ago he made the choice to start working at night and sleep during the day. I hate it. Even on the one night a week he is home, we still sleep in our own rooms. If we go on vacation and have no choice but to sleep in the same bed, I wear ear plugs. We'd have sex a lot more if we slept in the same bed I bet.


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## JessicaRabbit (Apr 3, 2013)

My parents slept seperate for over half of thier 33 yr marriage. Dad loved the couch I suppose. Mom never seemed to mind. He passed away 8 yrs ago and I've never heard her complain of their arrangement. I think it's just the way they were....to each their own.


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## Alexandria (Apr 21, 2013)

I have insomnia and a bad back from a failed surgery and there is no way I would sleep with my partner. All that snorning, moving around, waking up, farting, cold feet. Forget about it. Sleeping separately is becoming more and more normal. Just do some research. I mean you are unconcious, so why not be comfortable, have your own temperature (I like it cold), spread out and take up the whole bed, use a dozen pillows or wake up when you want, watch tv when you want, read when you want, etc. I have read that sleeping together is just not natural and can disturb sleeping patterns. I slept with a partner once, 20 something years ago and not since. My husband and I live separately as well, but we are working on that. But, don't feel guilty. As long as you have a healthy relationship, have sex and are affectionate, I hardly think that not sleeping together means a thing. Again, do some Google research...very normal and much healthier for you. P.S. My current husband snores like I have never heard in my life. It is like aliens are coming from his body. Plus, we are both so tall, would take 2 giant King beds. Don't sweat it!






vspinkgrl said:


> Do you all sleep in the same bed as your husband? How important do you think it is?
> 
> We haven't slept in the same bed for years. We have weeks spurts where he will sleep with me, or I will ask him to. It started when I was pregnant with my first and he would snore loudly and fart and I would kick him out
> 
> Now, he says the bed is uncomfortable and we may invest in a new one. Don't know if we should though. I don't find our sleeping arrangement perfect but sometimes I think its odd.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Since we've lived together (seventeen years), on occasion I have to be out of town for work but that's life so we deal with it. She's gone on vacation with her mom and sis a couple of times but *we've never slept in separate beds out of anger or from being mad at each other*.

I think that's important for marriage in general but all I really know is that it's important to us and I'm glad that it is. I do feel for people with spouse who snore really loud but I don't think it would run either of us out of the shared bed.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Has always been vital for me, it is a connection thing. I have put up with snoring and restless leg syndrome but even so have to sleep in the same bed. It would be the start of the end to sleep in separate beds.

SO snores, not much, but it doesn't bother me, sometimes I will move even closer because I like it, yes odd I know.


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