# Telling people



## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Can some of you please share your experience with telling others it was over, or even that you were having trouble?

We have not told our families anything, including our children (college and last year of high school). He says he has told two people who are going through similar situations. I told my BFF (who lives two hours away), and just today told a good friend who is nearby. 

I don't want to tell anyone else until we talk to the kids, but I don't know when to do that. Our opportunities with them in the same place at the same time are very limited. Until anything happens, we are living like we have been for years, so nothing would look any different to anyone. 

Just got me wondering how others have handled this-especially since we are not in a situation where one of us is packing up and moving out.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Bump...


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

I am not sure of the right answer. But the only thing I might add is in my opinion it is better for the children to hear it from you than from some rumor floating around.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Tell your kids first. They probably already know. My daughter said she knew for a long time before I told her. You may be relieved.

As far as other people knowing, this is less important. It makes it "more real" once other people know. 

Inform those that have a need to know after you tell your kids. Otherwise, no need to broadcast your private business to the general population. I found that most people didn't care either way.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

It depends on how old the children are, the reasons and the amount of emotional support you need. It also depends on the timing. So, there is no easy answer.

eta: That is not a helpful answer, I guess. Tell your children as soon as possible. If you tell your friends first due to you being in crisis mode (and it doesn't sound like you are), remind them not to mention it to their kids.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

I can't speak on telling the children. 
But my bff and my family members were all very supportive. My bff actually said she wasn't that surprised, which surprised me considering she is hundreds of miles away chasing around two toddler boys and an ADHD hubby (haha). The rest of my family was surprised considering they saw us just 6 months earlier and we "seemed ok".
Even my X's family members were supportive.
My experience with 'almost' 2 divorces is that most people are sympathetic.

With time though lines start to be drawn. As reconciliation seems less likely the X's family will start to withdraw. At least that's my experience...maybe not with you so much because you have children together...they would want to see their grandchildren/nieces/nephews


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My adult son was the first person I told. He was totally opposed as was everyone else due to the extreme length of my marriage. Luckily, I'm not the type to need emotional support because I certainly didn't get any. However, it's over and done with and I'm happy. You will be too.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When I got divorced with my first wife, she told me in front of our 6 year old daughter and it pissed me off so the cat was already out of the bag.

I told my parents and of course their response was "why" and wanted to know if there was a chance to repair it. I told them no and thy were not happy about it but gave me their support but still had a hard time understanding why until my STBXW started to show her true colors and then they understood.

I never went around broadcasting it but I told my best friend and had the support I needed.


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