# Boundaries with children and OM



## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Hello all,

I'm back again with a general advice question. My W and I have been separtated for five months now. After cheating on me with multiple men, my W finally settled for one of her many OM's. She is in a full on PA with this person. We are still married as we cannot get a divorce until we have been separated for a year. VA does not recognize legal separation. You are either married or you are not. My question for the more experienced folks:

She is bringing the OM/AP around the children. He comes over her place a couple times a week and spends the night on occasion. She has told me that they have sex while the children are present in the home. I am not comfortable with this and have expressed this on a couple of occasions but never really set a boundary. There are no court orders in place for support or custody. We have a private agreement for me to help her with her rent since I am in the military and am gone sometimes. I have honored this. This agreement states that cohabitation with a member of the opposite sex is a reason for termination. 

Okay the question:

Am I right in insisting that she not bring the OM around our kids until we are legally divorced and am I right in insisting that he not spend the night until the divorce is final (assuming we go that route)? I am considering cutting off the agreement if he keeps spending the night with the kids present. Thoughts?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Married in VA said:


> Hello all,
> 
> I'm back again with a general advice question. My W and I have been separtated for five months now. After cheating on me with multiple men, my W finally settled for one of her many OM's. She is in a full on PA with this person. We are still married as we cannot get a divorce until we have been separated for a year. VA does not recognize legal separation. You are either married or you are not. My question for the more experienced folks:
> 
> ...


Right on all counts.

100%

Shut it down.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes you are right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Dead on right.

She is seriously cake eating on your dime.


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Yes you are 100% right! In the standard cusody agreements it normally says a person of the opposite sex CAN NOT spend the night when kids are in home unless they are blood related or she marrys them!! 


NOT COOL AT ALL!!! VERY DAMAGING TO KIDS!!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> Hello all,
> 
> I'm back again with a general advice question. My W and I have been separtated for five months now. After cheating on me with multiple men, my W finally settled for one of her many OM's. She is in a full on PA with this person. We are still married as we cannot get a divorce until we have been separated for a year. VA does not recognize legal separation. You are either married or you are not. My question for the more experienced folks:
> 
> ...


you set a boundary and you need to stick to it she has already violated your agreement I would take this a step further now legally


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## 2much2soon (Jul 26, 2012)

You are not crazy at all. You are right on all counts. Serve her ass papers! You take the high road and the children will always remember her bull****.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

2much2soon,
I can't serve her papers yet. We have to be apart for a year first. The only way to serve her is to file a contested divorce (expensive and ugly). Uncontested divorces (no fault) require a one year waiting period with children. It stinks. I just want to be done. My job (US Navy) thankfully keeps me quite busy so the time passes quickly.


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