# Wife and Intimacy



## DyoJay

My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


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## jonty30

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


She's abandoned you, but is still using you.


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## Marc878

There is no magic. Sounds like you are living on hopium. That won’t get you a thing. Go your own way or live in limbo. You do have a choice,


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## Andy1001

She’s mourning the loss of her true love. You are plan B and plan B never becomes plan A.


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## DownByTheRiver

What made her step out of the marriage? Did something happen or change?


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## Lostinthought61

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


so she as already proven she is a cheater comes back under her rules so she can write the narrative of your marriage and you still have not thrown out the door....how about you stop acting like a doormat and show her the door once and for all....she is no wife and even less a partner.....brother you can do better


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## anchorwatch

Hello, @DyoJay

Why did you let her back under these terms?

Don't you deserve better?

Don't we all deserve better?

Stop being a Nice Guy, it's not going to work.


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## Al_Bundy

She gone. She belongs to the streets, so unless you want to be the next Will Smith cut your losses and get a woman who respects and desires you.


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## GusPolinski

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


How many kids?


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## sokillme

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


She is probably still in her affair and you don't know it. You may even be supporting her so she can do it as rough as that is to say, and I take no pleasure in writing it. This is kinda how it goes with these duplicitous people.

I think you need to ask yourself what it the real benefit to saving the marriage. Maybe you are stuck believing the only way to be happy is with the marriage. You can't make someone love you.


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## Galabar01

No kids? Leave.

Kids? Leave anyway.


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## Evinrude58

DownByTheRiver said:


> *What made her step out of the marriage*? Did something happen or change?


Uh, hell he’s a man and he’s guilty of “making” her step out….. ain’t it obvious. Geez


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## Evinrude58

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


So she stepped out on you, and you reward that with kisses, hugs, flowers, and vacations.
That’s your problem. Had you filed for divorce and sent her cheating rear packing like you should have, you might have a wife that respected and desired you. As it is, chasing and nicing back a cheating woman gets you what you have.

There’s nothing left to do but develop some anger over what your wife has done to you and boot her to the curb. She hasn’t shown you any emotion since she gave them away to another man. But she used the hell out of you for an easy life and very likely has continued cheating.


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## Young at Heart

So what exactly did you and she do to reconcile and resolve the issues that lead to her leaving or stepping out of the marriage. Did you set any boundaries as to what marriage entailed when she came back? Or did you just rug-sweep everything once she came back.

You might want to read Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy. You might also figure out what common boundaries should be to "marriage." If sounds like your definition and hers are vastly different.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


Riddle me this why did you let her back into the M, after she left earlier?


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## Memphi70

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


First I am sorry. This happened to me with my first wife. Sounds like she has moved on from the romantic part of your relationship. I would give her distance and not be doing all the things like taking her on vacations. Maybe she will come around. Be strong and I wish you the best.


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## farsidejunky

DyoJay said:


> My wife will not let me get close to her. She stepped out of our marriage two years ago then came back but it’s like she left a part one herself. Kisses, hugs, and flowers are a no go for her she don’t want them. Also our sex life is horrible. I take her on dates, vacations and our friendship is there but it has no impact on our intimacy. She also uses her toys on the regular and avoids the topic of sex with me. I’m tired of it. I need more than a roommate. I was hoping there would be any wisdom that could help me make this last. We’ve been together 10 yrs and married 8 yrs if there is a way to save our marriage I am all ears.


There is no magic answer here.

I suspect you know what's wrong, but are really hoping for something that will make her snap out of it. There just isn't.

How do you feel about yourself when you are romancing the hell out of somebody who clearly doesn't love you? It has to eat at you.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## DreamGuyxo

When a lady takes her time to be on her own that means that she's genuinely needing seperation (in a good way), you being the man in her life its best that you maintain the other half of the marriage as while taking care of her and giving into her needs when she wants. Stick by her side and be the guy that she always wanted, if she's been married to you for 8 years and still decides to stay with you then that means she's really there for you so that means when she wants her side you gotta stick to yours taking care of yours/her marriage. 

Don't worry just give it some time, emotions and moods always change and you will always have a time to a better marriage in the future


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