# She keeps photos of her exes



## jeremyrl (Dec 30, 2011)

Hi, I'm engaged to the most wonderful, beautiful woman of my life. We will be married in April and graduate school together shortly before! My issue is she keeps pictures around (online, in photo albums) of her and her exes. Although I acknowledge and accept her past for what it is, they may me very uncomfortable and feel like she will never let these other men out of her life. 

I want to be sensitive to her needs, of course. She says those pictures are too important to hide away or get rid of and that she thinks nothing of them, but I want to be the only man in her life - especially online where everyone can see, rather than sharing space with her exes. Although we have come to an understanding that they make me exceedingly uncomfortable, and she feels they are no big deal, despite this issue being very important to me there doesn't seem to be any compromise in the sight. There are intimate (kissing) and cuddling photos and I feel like they're going to follow me wherever I go in our marriage. Thoughts on keeping pictures of exes?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think keeping photos of past relationships is just fine.

Publicly displaying photos of past relationshi
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think keeping photos of past relationships is just fine.

Publicly displaying photos of past relationships is not fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

*Re: Pictures of her Exes*

If you are engaged she should definitely not have these photos for all to see on her facebook for example. Having the photos at all out of the way is another matter. 

That said, these exes themselves should no longer be friended on her facebook IMHO. She should no longer be having contact with them at all. 

What you have here is an immature "dating" type of mentality still going on. It takes an adjustment to fully comprehend what a commitment is in marriage. She has not done that transition yet. Unfortunately some folks carry that immaturity into the marriage.

I suggest you two do His Needs Her Needs together prior to marriage. An important part of this is discussing, defining and setting agreed upon boudaries. These boundaries will change over time as you mature as a couple but the fundamentals tend to be consistent. Too often the boundaries are too weak or ill concieved so before you agree to anything make sure you are all in on the boundaries. What you are really talking about are boundaries that have yet to be established. They take a shift in the mindset. Having clear boundaries help each other stay out of possible trouble and enable trust. Marrtiage is about love, faithfullness and respect. trust comes as a by product. This said the couple needs to have a compatible vision of what being faithfull is.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Ditto. 

She needs to go thru her public albums and at least remove the intimate type pictures (kissing / hugging) of past guys, otherwise it's a blatant disrespect to you in front of everyone. If she can't understand that, how does she expect to put any true meaning into the wedding vows she speaks to you in April? What's the point of sharing past relationships with people when the only one that matters now is the current???


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I'm a scrapbooker, and have been for 20+ years, so I have photos in albums of most of my past boyfriends. My husband of 20 years doesn't have a problem with it, as there are dozens of albums dedicated to our life together and our family.

She's engaged to you, you won her heart, she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. That doesn't mean that the rest of her life up until now ceases to exist though. I think that forcing her to get rid of those memories would be cruel. Maybe an acceptable compromise would be to ask her to keep those photos in an album seperate from photos of the two of you, so that you don't have to see them?


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## CWM0842 (Dec 8, 2011)

The photo albums are fine. My wife has those. The facebook pics should be taken down. Especially now that you're engaged. And especially if there are lots. She probably isn't thinking about it that much so I wouldn't worry. But she does need to realize it's disrespectful to you. Without making a big deal of it I asked my wife at some point to take them down (although she didn't have any intimate ones up anyways) and she did.


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## jeremyrl (Dec 30, 2011)

Sorry, I don't really have good, wholesome parents to talk to for marriage advice. I really appreciate your insights. I want to compromise for her because she is adamant about keeping all her photos (intimate, online, in private) for her own reasons and I respect those reasons despite my hurt feelings. I do feel hurt because she publicly displays photos of her and her exes for others to see, and feel like I'm beside them rather than in front of them. Though I've tried expressing this, because she doesn't look at it a a big deal, she doesn't feel like she needs to compromise it. No, I don't believe getting rid of her pictures altogether is good, I want her to have all that she wants/needs. I would, however, never ignore my hurt feelings. I am willing to compromise somehow that makes us both comfortable but we seem to be at crossroads. We both have pasts, we both treat the past differently, but we both accept one anothers' pasts. 

What do I want? For her to declare her love for me publicly and keep those men in her past, rather than beside me, online. Privately, there isn't really a problem. I was just worried she want clinging to her past too closely. It seems like others don't mind keeping pictures of exes in their past albums and that's okay.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I think keeping photos of past relationships is just fine.
> 
> Publicly displaying photos of past relationships is not fine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. She can keep them, but not on FB.
I have pics of exes and myself. Someday I'll show my daughters...because momma was not always a momma. My life didn't begin with marriage.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I think keeping photos of past relationships is just fine.
> 
> Publicly displaying photos of past relationships is not fine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


+1

Providing she does not have the photos hanging on the wall, I don't see what the issue is.

In my wife's culture, the men tend to be very machismo and each her and some of her girlfriends have had photos of their past destroyed by their boyfriends at the time, only for their relationship not to work out and those other memories being lost forever. 

Be secure and confident in your own relationship and providing she is not disrespecting you by displaying those photos, then I would say to let it go.

Now, if she still has friendships and stays in communication with her exes, well that is another story.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jeremyrl said:


> Sorry, I don't really have good, wholesome parents to talk to for marriage advice. I really appreciate your insights. I want to compromise for her because she is adamant about keeping all her photos (intimate, online, in private) for her own reasons and I respect those reasons despite my hurt feelings. I do feel hurt because she publicly displays photos of her and her exes for others to see, and feel like I'm beside them rather than in front of them. Though I've tried expressing this, because she doesn't look at it a a big deal, she doesn't feel like she needs to compromise it. No, I don't believe getting rid of her pictures altogether is good, I want her to have all that she wants/needs. I would, however, never ignore my hurt feelings. I am willing to compromise somehow that makes us both comfortable but we seem to be at crossroads. We both have pasts, we both treat the past differently, but we both accept one anothers' pasts.
> 
> *What do I want? For her to declare her love for me publicly and keep those men in her past, rather than beside me, online. Privately, there isn't really a problem. I was just worried she want clinging to her past too closely. It seems like others don't mind keeping pictures of exes in their past albums and that's okay.*


Congratulations. You just defined a boundary. Be aware that while boundaries are negotiable and have to be agreed upon that they are not a good boundary if they themselves are compromised. When something is compromised it has lost its integrity. If this is truly your boundary ... stick with it. 

So it seems that she must know this is a boundary for you. She has a choice. She either can live within this boundary out of respect for you or you guys are really not compatible. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. What you are asking for is very reasonable. She needs to respect this boundary. if not you are not the most important man in her life. If this is the case she is not ready to marry you. In the total scheme of things this is a very small thing for her to do. If it is not then this is a huge red flag. Time to rethink the marriage.

Her kissing and cuddling with other men is inappropriate on public display. Yes it was in her past. I would even go further than the "intimate" photos. People looking at her FB should get the distinct impression that she is so very in love with you that she is obsessed with you. She should be over the top about you and wants all the world to see this. This is the time when people go head over heals in love with each other.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, if she's not willing to remove the pics of intimate situations with other men, I'd really think about if she's marriage material.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I have pics of all my exes prior to my wife (although it's only 6 or so).

The only pics I destroyed or threw away was of the OW because you can probably see why it wouldn't be a good idea to keep those pics.


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

Maybe you could buy her a photo album for her to put these types of pictures in, that way they're not mixed in with ones that you are comfortable with. She can keep them but you won't have to look at them if you choose to look through pictures. I don't see a problem with her keeping them but they shouldn't be displayed and that includes Facebook, if she's still friends with them and you're comfortable with the friendship then she just needs to remove any that would be considered intimate in nature.

Hubby tried to burn every picture of his ex and her child and I wouldn't let him. Instead I gave the pics of her child to her sister to return because I wouldn't want someone destroying pics of my children. The rest that were special such as his prom and things I gave to his mother to put up for later. Our children might someday want to see what dad looked like during that time. I did let him burn some, but none that would be considered important events I have his life. I have pics of my exes but they are put away in my cedar chest so that one day my children can see them if they choose to, but my hubby doesn't have to look at them unless he chooses to. Pictures are special and have very sentimental ties to them, don't make her get rid of them or she'll layer resent you for it. Maybe she can store them at her parent's or something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## speakingforsomemen (Dec 12, 2011)

sounds like a Keylogger is in order here, she is probably still communicating with them. Better catch her now which the catchins good!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You might want to take a lesson out of BBW’s book, listen to what she says but respond to her actions. For example she says the photos have no meaning for her. If that were the case she’d simply delete them. But her actions are that she wont delete them, which means they do have significant meaning for her, opposite to what she actually says.

In effect she is deceiving you to what she really feels about the photos, the men in them and her time spent with them. By keeping those photos “active” she is also keeping her feelings for the men in them active. Sure we all have fond memories of past relationships but she’s pushing them in your face and keeping her memories current, in the upper most part of her mind. I think she is demonstrating a tremendous disregard and disrespect for your feelings and I would take that as an indicator of her future behaviour towards you. So much so that you may want to think of postponing or cancelling your marriage to her because she is emotionally immature and not that much into you.

Your wife will become, or should become, a good custodian of your feelings and emotions. That’s what soul mates do. You will need her to support you emotionally in bad times in the future. Her current behaviour is a very poor indicator that she’ll actually care for you in the future.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I don't understand why she has to keep them. Those relationships are in the past and she's clearly with you now. Call me a cynical but I sense she still has feelings for the said ex boyfriends and haven't gotten over them totally and to be honest I'd weary of getting engaged to a person that isn't 100% focused on our relationship and still keeps these things from the past. 

Could be a warning about the future. I'd be completely heartbroken if I found my girlfriend having pictures of her exes on facebook and I'm rather surprised that some people on here are very casual about this whole thing. I don't know of any serious committed couple who are supposedly in love but keep pictures of their ex partners with them.

Be careful my friend.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Congratulations. You just defined a boundary. Be aware that while boundaries are negotiable and have to be agreed upon that they are not a good boundary if they themselves are compromised. When something is compromised it has lost its integrity. If this is truly your boundary ... stick with it.
> 
> So it seems that she must know this is a boundary for you. She has a choice. She either can live within this boundary out of respect for you or you guys are really not compatible. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. What you are asking for is very reasonable. She needs to respect this boundary. if not you are not the most important man in her life. If this is the case she is not ready to marry you. In the total scheme of things this is a very small thing for her to do. If it is not then this is a huge red flag. Time to rethink the marriage.
> 
> Her kissing and cuddling with other men is inappropriate on public display. Yes it was in her past. I would even go further than the "intimate" photos. People looking at her FB should get the distinct impression that she is so very in love with you that she is obsessed with you. She should be over the top about you and wants all the world to see this. This is the time when people go head over heals in love with each other.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

As usual Entropy has excellent counsel. Read this again and again until it sinks in. If you do not follow these steps and marry this woman you are in for a lifetime of frustration and emotional duress. It will not get any easier as time goes on.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Her kissing and cuddling with other men is inappropriate on public display. Yes it was in her past. I would even go further than the "intimate" photos. *People looking at her FB should get the distinct impression that she is so very in love with you that she is obsessed with you. *She should be over the top about you and wants all the world to see this. This is the time when people go head over heals in love with each other.



And, maybe, she's not so very in love with you as you think?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

jeremyrl said:


> Hi, I'm engaged to the most wonderful, beautiful woman of my life..
> . Although I acknowledge and accept her past for what it is, they (photos) make me very uncomfortable and feel like she will never let these other men out of her life.
> 
> She says those pictures are too important to hide away or get rid of and that she thinks nothing of them,


She is the most wonderful woman, but some of her actions make you uncomfortable.

She thinks nothing of the photos, but refuses to put them away...

What more do I need to say...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> I'm a scrapbooker, and have been for 20+ years, so I have photos in albums of most of my past boyfriends. My husband of 20 years doesn't have a problem with it, as there are dozens of albums dedicated to our life together and our family.


I wonder if he kept photos of his past girlfriends if you would feel as secure as he does? I know the standard answer will be "Yes I would" but unless that is the case, you really don't know how you would really feel. Just saying.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have no photos of exes. Well, maybe from HS but that is different cause it's part of my childhood. And we weren't really bf/gf...just hanging out and smoking silly things LOL

But relationship wise, I have no pics on my FB of any exes. What is the point? that's what memories are for.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

I don't understand her insistant need of these photos, especially to have them posted on facebook for her friends and yours to view. Seems to me she is very immature and shows a lack of respect for you. I love my husband with all my heart, if I knew something bothered him I would do something to fix it. She makes the claim that these photos mean nothing...then why make a big deal about keeping them. She contradicts herself. Does she need some sort of validation from others that she is attractive? I'd rather post memories made with the one man who loves me above all and pledges his life to me than to have numerous "special moments" posted with different men who "mean nothing to me". She may be something terriffic but I think she needs to look up the word committment before April arrives.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

jeremyrl said:


> Hi, I'm engaged to the most wonderful, beautiful woman of my life. We will be married in April and graduate school together shortly before! My issue is she keeps pictures around (online, in photo albums) of her and her exes. Although I acknowledge and accept her past for what it is, they may me very uncomfortable and feel like she will never let these other men out of her life.
> 
> I want to be sensitive to her needs, of course. She says those pictures are too important to hide away or get rid of and that she thinks nothing of them, but I want to be the only man in her life - especially online where everyone can see, rather than sharing space with her exes. Although we have come to an understanding that they make me exceedingly uncomfortable, and she feels they are no big deal, despite this issue being very important to me there doesn't seem to be any compromise in the sight. There are intimate (kissing) and cuddling photos and I feel like they're going to follow me wherever I go in our marriage. Thoughts on keeping pictures of exes?


It's no big deal to me so long as the photos aren't displayed publicly. No photos of ex girlfriends on FB either. It wouldn't be ok if he remained friends or in contact with these old girlfriends. 

He has a photo album in his closet filled with photos from his proms, high school and college activities. Two of his old girlfriends are in those pictures. I don't mind that he has it. I dont' even think he looks at it. It's just there like all the other old photos that he can look at if he wanted to. It's part of my husband's past. He loved others before me. I'm mature enough to understand and accept that. He's with me now. He makes me feel totally secure in our relationship. It's not my place to tell him to throw away his old photo album because it's part of his history.


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## johniori1 (Dec 28, 2011)

Be aware that while boundaries are negotiable and have to be agreed upon that they are not a good boundary if they themselves are compromised. When something is compromised it has lost its integrity. If this is truly your boundary ... stick with it.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

have pictures to.So did my exWife. But we kept them in boxes in the basement.
Lot of other memory things to, so that was never a issue. Lot of people

have saved memory things from their past. Nothing wrong with that.

I believe that your girlfriend when she says it docent mean anything.

But i feel that those pic have reviled a even bigger problem then pic on Facebook.

Though I've tried expressing this, because she doesn't look at it a a big deal, she doesn't feel like she needs to compromise it. No, I don't believe getting rid of her pictures altogether is good, I want her to have all that she wants/needs. I would, however, never ignore my hurt feelings. I am willing to compromise somehow that makes us both comfortable but we seem to be at crossroads. We both have pasts, we both treat the past differently, but we both 
accept one anothers' pasts.







Now whats wrong with this picture?

I mean in all committed relationship , you will have to face several times when you two people have to compromise 
Sometime one party is childishly stubborn perhaps, but it always gets resolved.

But with your girlfriend she would rather hurt your feelings ,then compromise over something thats quite frankly shouldn't be an big issue.

Disturbing? it should be. Please resolve this and over things that might be. And please don't brush this of. Stand your ground.

Because the is seriously a recipe for future marriage disaster if left unsolved.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Jeremyrl, while I don't think that it's necessary to erase ones past, I also think that if these pics are bothering you, she should get rid of them-simply out of respect for her H to be. But if she adamantly refuses to do so and it's causing fights, then you should seriously consider whether or not you want to really be married to her.

Just one thing, jeremyrl: does she have pics of YOU on display?


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## Jen's Husband (Nov 26, 2011)

I personally think my wife having these kinds of pictures is okay, but that's not important. What's important is that you've given her your opinion but she doesn't seem to have responded. If I had a photo that bothered my wife, whether on fb or not, I would get rid of it. It all comes down to understanding each other's preferences and then either meeting those boundaries or coming to some sort of compromise.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Keeping momentos of our past is ok, healthy, I have a box a stuff that I pull out and look at recall the memory of each item/photo 1 - 2 a year - i continue to add to the box to this day. My now wife wanted to frame (jokenly) the motel receipt from the day I lost my virginity (18) with a photo of the girl.

Now, keeping embracing photos of past men (I assume Facebook) concerns me.

IMO -
1. Demonstrates a foolish level of maturity for someone who is about to marry
2. Demonstrates that she wants to continue to publicly possess these men to her FB world but especially to her ex boyfriends current relations or those who may have interest in them (Ha! I got their before you)
3. Demonstrates a significant disrespect to you and your future marriage
4. Demonstrates a desire to show her score and value to her FB world
5. Disrespects you (need to repeat)

Her discounting the real hurt/concern that you are feeling does not bode well fir your marriage.

I suggest that you should demand couples counciling (trained 3rd party) to resolve the bigger issue, the disrespect and supportive communication and the priorty of your relationship BEFORE you marry, resolve these issues before your wedding even if you have to postpone the wedding. 

If you don't resolve the issues before my friend the will get worse after you marry.

Tell her the FB pictures of other men are a dealbreaker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nicky1 (Jan 20, 2012)

i think you need to get tough and tell her to ditch them,


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## exitor98 (Jan 9, 2012)

When we got married my wife wanted me to rid of pic of my exes. I did it and didn't mind since it didn't seem appropriate for a married man to keeps of girls he'd done.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

My wife despises my ex so much that when she moved in with me and my son, the three of us scoured the house looking for any residue of my ex. We found a boxfull of pics, baubles and leftovers of hers that she left behind, took them out behind the house and burned them in a barrel. It was invigorating.

Tell her the inappropriate pics go... or you do.


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## exitor98 (Jan 9, 2012)

It doesn't seem like a good idea for her to keep those pics. But more importantly she should not want them on her own. 
If you stumbled across them on your own it could be a matter of her simply having forgotten them. 

From what you said that doesn't appear to be the case.


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## duchesspink (Jan 28, 2012)

i've not read the full 3 pages but I have to say that i'd not have a problem with my partner having pictures of him and his ex. Unless they were sex pics, then i'd have an issue.

I've got photographs and cards etc from relationships going back to when i was 16. They are part of my history and why on earth would I destroy them, Hiding or destroying pictures doesn't mean that the person in them has been airbrushed out of your partners life.

Its more about your insecurity if you'd rather see them destroyed. (in my opinon)


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## bossesgirl26 (Jun 19, 2011)

I have some in a box. I would never have any online! That would be so rude, insensitive and disrespectful to my husband. He would never go for that, nor would I if tables were turned.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Is it just me or does this:



jeremyrl said:


> She says those pictures are too important . . .


Not match this:



jeremyrl said:


> . . . and she thinks nothing of them


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## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

exitor98 said:


> When we got married my wife wanted me to rid of pic of my exes. I did it and didn't mind since it didn't seem appropriate for a married man to keeps of girls he'd done.


lmao!


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## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

Call it off.


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## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

spudster said:


> My wife despises my ex so much that when she moved in with me and my son, the three of us scoured the house looking for any residue of my ex. We found a boxfull of pics, baubles and leftovers of hers that she left behind, took them out behind the house and burned them in a barrel. It was invigorating.
> 
> Tell her the inappropriate pics go... or you do.


hear hear!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

for those that keep pictures of exes, why? when you look at the pics what does it mean? does it stir emotions? does it make you miss the ex? whats the point?

its my belief that this life journey is about finding the one. if you have to keep pictures of others, maybe you havent truly found the one.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I threw my husband's pictures of his ex wife away after we were married. They were in a box with cards and letters. I did this shortly after we married and he didn't mind. I have no clue if I still have photos of any of my exes. If I come across them, I will toss the pictures out. I have no attachment whatsoever for them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I have pictures of my ex husband in a photo album in my closet. The only reason I've kept them is because if something ever happened to him, I could give them to our children so they'd have some to hold on to when they got older. Other than that, I haven't kept any other ex pictures.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> for those that keep pictures of exes, why? when you look at the pics what does it mean? does it stir emotions? does it make you miss the ex? whats the point?
> 
> its my belief that this life journey is about finding the one. if you have to keep pictures of others, maybe you havent truly found the one.


Or maybe you just don`t want to destroy the documentation of your life and you shouldn`t have to.

I have photo albums going back to before I was born from my family.
My life is well documented in pics and I see no reason to throw them out because of someone else`s insecurities.

I will take them down every now and then to show my kid the crazy stuff I used to do or reminisce with an old friend.

I certainly wouldn`t display them publicly but I see no need to trash them.

Just because you`ve found "the one" (whatever that is) is no reason to forget how you came to be there.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

exitor98 said:


> When we got married my wife wanted me to rid of pic of my exes. I did it and didn't mind since it didn't seem appropriate for a married man to keeps of girls he'd done.


:lol::rofl::lol::rofl:

:iagree: Same goes for women and their exes.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

I got rid of pics of my exes and my husband got rid of pics of his. We have no need for them. Getting rid of pictures doesn't erase the past or pretend it didn't happen. We all have our mental memories.

Beside's just because something was a part of our past, doesn't mean we even want to remember it....like that awful perm I got when I was 18! LOL


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

duchesspink said:


> i've not read the full 3 pages but I have to say that i'd not have a problem with my partner having pictures of him and his ex. Unless they were sex pics, then i'd have an issue.
> 
> I've got photographs and cards etc from relationships going back to when i was 16. They are part of my history and why on earth would I destroy them, Hiding or destroying pictures doesn't mean that the person in them has been airbrushed out of your partners life.
> 
> Its more about your insecurity if you'd rather see them destroyed. (in my opinon)


The key point here in my opinion is not her keeping the photos, but her prominent display of them on her facebook page.

I don;t see how that is about security. It seems to me to be more about her priorities and her respect of her soon to be hubby. One would expect her to focus on her new relationship with him and not have a display of other ex lovers on her facebook. I think this is a significant thing for them. They should work out their boundaries before they marry. This is a bit of a Red Flag. So think Facebook and not about her destroying non sexual photos of her ex lovers.

It would be equally creepy if he kept photos on his facebook of him cuddling up to his ex lovers.

That said this is an aging thread and the OP only posted twice.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

tacoma said:


> Or maybe you just don`t want to destroy the documentation of your life and you shouldn`t have to.
> 
> I have photo albums going back to before I was born from my family.
> My life is well documented in pics and I see no reason to throw them out because of someone else`s insecurities.
> ...


there is a reason they are exes, i really have no desire to remember them in any fashion. to each their own though


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## GoodLove (Feb 19, 2012)

Can you ask her to keep them at her parents' house? Then you wouldn't have to know they're in the house, but she'd still be able to keep them. I think old photos of old boyfriends past are fine. It doesn't mean she's still hung up on these dudes. It's just a fragment of her past that she wants to hold on to--it's not the guys themselves. Just a part of her personal story.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> The key point here in my opinion is not her keeping the photos, but her prominent display of them on her facebook page.
> 
> I don;t see how that is about security. It seems to me to be more about her priorities and her respect of her soon to be hubby. One would expect her to focus on her new relationship with him and not have a display of other ex lovers on her facebook. I think this is a significant thing for them. They should work out their boundaries before they marry. This is a bit of a Red Flag. So think Facebook and not about her destroying non sexual photos of her ex lovers.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

The thing for me is he's probably reading the comments friends and family are leaving about the pictures.Also wondering if she has a separate album for them and what she would call it.I know it wouldn't be acceptable to me in this circumstance.


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## Mime (Jun 20, 2012)

I'mAllIn said:


> She's engaged to you, you won her heart, she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. That doesn't mean that the rest of her life up until now ceases to exist though. I think that forcing her to get rid of those memories would be cruel.


Well said! 

The photographs aren't merely pictures of her with other men. They're irreplacable reminders of earlier times in her life.

Nobody should be asked to relinquish their memories.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

jeremyrl said:


> She says those pictures are too important to hide away or get rid of and that she thinks nothing of them


Maybe I've misunderstood, but this doesn't make sense... They're important/she thinks nothing of them?

Haven't read the replies, but I will say speaking for myself - I have pictures of my exes. Not displayed, but they are put away in a shoebox and my husband knows about them. If he wanted me to get rid of them I would in a heartbeat.

Also wanted to add: I had an ex who found a photo album I had from when I lived in Puerto Rico and had some photos on my ex in there. Nothing naughty, just your average snapshots. Well, he took that photo album and threw it away. I lost a lot of photos of my friends and family, as well as my ex. It really hurt my feelings, but at the time he justified it by saying I was with him and not my ex. We weren't even married - I moved on shortly after that. He never even said the photo album bothered him and he was aware of it for years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

I have out lived so many old flames,and friends. hold on to your memories, a time will come when an old photo is all you have.


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