# Pregnant and wanting a divorce



## Jaxie (Feb 21, 2012)

I have been married to my husband for 7 years. I am 28 he is 30. We got married way too young and had a lot of hopes and dreams for our future. I would stay home with kids, he would be the provider, etc. Unfortunately, I followed some of those dreams, went to college, got a degree, and have a good job while he on the other hand, failed out of two colleges and has been in the same dead end job for years. I support him financially since his paycheck couldn't even pay our rent. 

He had undiagnosed ADD and was finally getting help. I have wanted to leave him many times in the past but don't know how to be on my own. Anyway, when I thought things were getting better from the meds, I got pregnant and now am 7 months with twins. When I was 4 months pregnant he ended up getting fired from his job. I am on disability and don't even know if I can return to work. I am so scared about what will happen and how I will pay rent and take care of the babies. He leaves earning money up to me. He also ruined my credit lying and saying he was paying bills on time and he wasn't. I just caught him doing this yesterday and it is just the last straw. I know he won't ever change. 

I feel so stuck. I can't leave now and with two babies on the way I feel like I have to stay with him for some time now. He is not a bad guy but we are just not meant for each other. I am ambitous and get things done while he is the exact opposite and I am constantly angry at him for doing this to me, and putting me in the situation by getting fired and flunking out of multiple colleges. I am just looking for general help/ an outside perspective. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Jaxie, I think you and your H are both completely overwhelmed right now. Having kids is wonderful, but even in the best of situations becoming a parent turns your life upside down. In your case, with twins coming, a husband with a chronic illness, and financial problems -- there is no way it can't seem overwhelming.

My advice -- 
Seek help. If you have family nearby, or even far away, tell them that you are in trouble. You can say I can't work right now, we have twins coming in less that 2 months, and H is also out of work. It may be that someone will have a place you can stay, can provide childcare, etc. If you do not have family that can help there will be local resources -- youth and family service nonprofits, church groups, etc. These will help you deal with the considerable challenges of parenting twin infants.

Prioritize. Worry about your health & the health of your twins. This isn't the time to worry about your husband's ADD, the strength of your relationship, or anything else. It's said that 90% of the time we spend worrying is about things we cannot control. So learn to let go of the things you can't control and focus on the 10% that you can.


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## threedinmt (Jan 26, 2012)

look marriage and college do not go together #one. but if you give it sometime it could work. opposites do attract and for a reason, they complete each other. to a point, and within reason of course, all I'm saying is find out for the kids sake and then get back to me, maybe i can help


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## miss812 (Jun 17, 2012)

Couler makes some really good points. You both need to get some help from family or other resources. I definitely do not recommend a divorce at this point since you have twins on the way, and it sounds like your problems are workable. 

You said he was getting better from the meds – is he still on them? 

Why don’t you know if you can return to work?

Can he get unemployment? He should be able to since he was let go. 

It does sound like you have to be responsible for the finances. When he earns any money, make sure you get it and manage all of it, until he can learn to.

I also suggest seeking counseling. A lot of churches offer it free or cheap based on a sliding scale.


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## miss812 (Jun 17, 2012)

One more thing - seeing his babies might be a wakeup call for him.. it might light a little fire under his butt! There are jobs out there that pay pretty well that require little education. He needs to hurry up and get to work!


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