# Mutual separation with kids.



## Renton (Sep 24, 2017)

My wife and I, of 10 years, have decided to separate. We have had many issues in the past, and feel that this would be the best route.

We are keeping everything very civil, as to show the kids that we can still remain friends.

As for right now, with my current work schedule, I stay at the house from Sunday to Wednesday, with the kids, and she does the rest of the week. Our boys are 11 and 9, and our daughter is turning 6 in November. Our kids have been very understanding with our separation. Our boys have said that they know that sometimes things don't work. Our daughter is starting to get an idea of what's happening, but still has a lot of questions. 

As for myself, the big question is, will this get better, in regards to the kids. I mean, that I miss them like crazy, and it's really getting to me at times. My wife had to take the youngest son to hockey, so my mom was watching my oldest and youngest for the day, while I was at work. I met up with my mom, and took the kids home for her after work, as she had stuff to do. Even though I was seeing the kids later today, I found it very hard to say goodbye. 

Also, are there any suggestions others might have, for more support with the kids, so it will make the transition a little easier.


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## GoingCrazyNow (Jun 28, 2017)

My sitch was similar. Married almost 10 years, 3 kids ages 4, 7 + 8. When we separated, I had the kids Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday and Saturday - she only had them Tuesday, Thursday and every other Friday and Saturday. Once school started and the mother started to check out, I now have them full time, she only gets them every other weekend.

At first it was tough with the schedule, the loneliness of any empty house, and thoughts of "are the kids OK?". I just wanted to be with them, hug them and let them know how much I loved them. That pain never goes away, as I had a sitch 20 years ago with my now 25 year old daughter and her mother. You always feel sorry for your kids and wish that things were good again like it was- the reality is it never will be, so making the best of when you have them is key. That's not to say that you wont move on and find that perfect balance, but you will always feel like the kids were let down a bit - at least in my sitch. Just do the best that you can do and love them. When they get older they will understand. There's no easy way to numb the pain unfortunately.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I was in your shoes about 10 years ago and it sucked to begin with. I missed my kids and my former life more than anything.

As much as I did not want the divorce, I worked with my ex to make sure the kids had all the support we could get them. We talked with the school and the counselors there and they were great to help watch out for things with the kids in school (Behavior changes, ect). The teachers were really wonderful too.

It really will get better, as they say, time heals all wounds. In the beginning, the emptiness of the house really got to me. But as time progressed and I started getting back into hobbies and doing other things, I came to find that I enjoyed my time when the kids were with their mother. It allowed me to do a bunch of stuff that I would not have been able to do when they were around. I do not love them any less but I do relish my time to do what I want. You just have to build yourself a new life with the new reality. Make a new home and routines to go with it.

For what its worth, I found the book "Mom's house, Dad's house" to have some good tips for divorcing with kids.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Renton said:


> My wife and I, of 10 years, have decided to separate. We have had many issues in the past, and feel that this would be the best route.
> 
> We are keeping everything very civil, as to show the kids that we can still remain friends.
> 
> ...


*So where do each of you stay when you're not exercising kid duty there at the house?*


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## Renton (Sep 24, 2017)

Sorry for the late response.

On Monday to Wednesday, my wife stays at her parents, and from Wednesday to Sunday, I stay at my parents house, or my friends house, as it closer to my work.


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## Renton (Sep 24, 2017)

Thanks for your response. I'll look into that book tonight.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Have you done all you can to make the marriage work? Marriage counselling?


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## Renton (Sep 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Have you done all you can to make the marriage work? Marriage counselling?


Yes, we have done marriage counseling, separate, and together, and we both feel that it's the right thing to do.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Nothing will get better until you get better.


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