# Anyone's ex's physical transformation led to the downfall of the marriage?



## DaKarmaTrain!

Hi folks, first-time thread starter, long-time lurker...

Has anyone had their marriage ruined directly or indirectly due to dramatic changes in their partners physical appearance? I'm referring to positive changes in their looks.

My STBXW was always very beautiful. We started dating at the end of highschool, and got married at the end of college.

However, after 2 kids she gained a tremendous amount of weight. And she always had very crooked teeth (her parents were too cheap to get her braces when she was a kid). While she wasn't nearly as attractive as in college, I certainly loved her anyway.

Then things changed. In 2008 I was able to afford to get her braces as I wanted her to feel good about herself. She began dropping weight. 

By 2010 she had gone from 200lbs (she is only 5'2") down to 115lbs. Her braces came off, and her teeth went from looking like an old graveyard to being perfectly straight...and thats when the problems started.

Now to be fair, we had an *absolute* boatload of other issues in our marriage. But this new transformation of hers seemed to be the icing on the cake.

In addition to these new changes she also discovered something else (that only appeared seemingly with the weight loss). She appears VERY young, and even now at 35 yrs old still is routinely ID'd when purchasing tobacco/alcohol. Everyone who first meets her assumes she is only 19 or 20.

She began to dress much sexier (and 'youthful' for somone her age), wearing low-cut tight shirts/skin tight ripped jeans etc.

Soon, nary a day would go by when I would come home from work to hear some story from her about how she went to the store/picked the kids up from school/walked the dog etc without some yahoo hitting on her. And she lapped it up.

Problems for us began immediately as she soon began meeting other men and becoming fast friends with them...she seemed to absolutely love all the new attention she was getting, and if I didn't like it I could go fly a kite...

Which I did. All the way to the courthouse :smthumbup:

Seemed ol' K-Train wasn't good enough for her anymore. With all the attention she was getting from much younger men (in some cases 10 years younger or more!) I was starting to look old and washed up at 36. And with every other issue we had (which I won't go into here as this post would be 3 pages long) this transformation sounded the death-knell to our marriage.

Anyone else experience something similiar in their relationship?


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## proudwidaddy

Brother unfortunately your situation is exactly identical to mine, my divorce will be final next month. My advice let her go, realize this new life is not all its cracked up to be
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy

Private message me if you need to talk
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paradise

Your story sounds somewhat similar to mine, except I was the guy that helped her get in kick ass shape in the beginning. She now looks better than ever. But....At 38 she wears clothes that 20 yr olds wear, has a set of huge fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, botox, the whole works. Yes, she looks better than most Playboy centerfolds but I had to ask myself if that is really the type of woman that I wanted as a wife and a mother to my child? Na...Too much looking over my shoulder. Guess I'm just not a strong enough personality to handle that type of gal. My ex loves to be the center of attention and wants all male eyes on her. That's cool....To each their own. 

All I want is a cute, girl next door type of lady to spend my life with. I don't want someone who won't walk outside without getting the spray painter out to put makeup on and spend 2 hrs in the bathroom getting ready to do anything. And I really don't want a lady that shows her t!ts off wherever she goes and allows half the world to she her thong every time she bends over. Not my type. Needless to say, lust took over on that one and I mistook it for love.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

proudwidaddy said:


> Brother unfortunately your situation is exactly identical to mine, my divorce will be final next month. My advice let her go, realize this new life is not all its cracked up to be
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks Proud, believe me I am trying. One day I will post my entire story here, and not to brag (because there is absolutely nothing brag-worthy about it) but it would trump just about anyone else's story out of all I have read at TAM in the past 7 months since I started lurking here. The point is, I picked my username because as of this moment the Karma Train is running her down. Reap what you sow and all that...the 2 year party she has been having is nearly over. And then see where her 'looks' get her...


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## DaKarmaTrain!

Paradise said:


> Your story sounds somewhat similar to mine, except I was the guy that helped her get in kick ass shape in the beginning. She now looks better than ever. But....At 38 she wears clothes that 20 yr olds wear, has a set of huge fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, botox, the whole works. Yes, she looks better than most Playboy centerfolds but I had to ask myself if that is really the type of woman that I wanted as a wife and a mother to my child? Na...Too much looking over my shoulder. Guess I'm just not a strong enough personality to handle that type of gal. My ex loves to be the center of attention and wants all male eyes on her. That's cool....To each their own.
> 
> All I want is a cute, girl next door type of lady to spend my life with. I don't want someone who won't walk outside without getting the spray painter out to put makeup on and spend 2 hrs in the bathroom getting ready to do anything. And I really don't want a lady that shows her t!ts off wherever she goes and allows half the world to she her thong every time she bends over. Not my type. Needless to say, lust took over on that one and I mistook it for love.


Hey Paradise, I get what you are saying. My problem is I have a bit of an ego I guess. When my STBXW 'tranformed' in 2010 I was proud to walk around with her on my arm as she was now my 'trophy' wife so to speak. I think I look my age (devilishly handsome at 36 ) but to have a wife who looked like she was young enough to be your daughter at your side was a bit of an ego boost. She never looked better in her entire life and it all went to her head.


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## ABeautifulDisaster

My question to you would be this.....How many of these "cosmetic" issues were hers? The way you type them all out I found myself asking how many of these problems were hers versus those that were yours that you imposed upon her? When I read your post it made me wonder if she knew how unhappy you were with her appearance? I'm thinking she did.....but hey I might be wrong...so I will ask first. =)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

The meaner and more manipulative and deceptive he got the uglier he appeared to me. Even though I suppose physically he'd not changed one bit. Does that count?

I guess my ex also had some issues with me. As I felt secure being in a relationship where I supposed I was loved for me and not my body, I actually felt freer to dress up and safer in my sexuality. So my ex thought that I was up for playing the field, where I was like, okay, great, I landed a good relationship without using looks just my personality. Sigh. I wasn't really doing anything with my looks except feeling good about myself and wanting to put on a good show for my husband but he felt insecure about it. I started dressing down but then he would even make a comment if I took a shower every day. He had issues with me removing facial hair, forbid me to do it. Wayyyyyyy too much control. It's like he wanted me to look ugly, so that he wouldn't have to worry about anyone else wanting me. As if I would have no self-control if someone played on me. Duh. Now I just dress up when I feel like it. My kids like me to look nice. I go to dance class and will dress up for a partner who dances with me even when I dress down...and has shown that they enjoy being with me, for me. It's an unexpected treat for them and nice when they notice (and there is something to notice). I also have no problem dressing down when I go grocery shopping if I don't feel like making an effort. But even dressed down I still get looks so whatever. 

I think the issue was is that my ex was controlling and didn't want me to be attractive at all, not for any reason, because he didn't want me to have any personal power when I found out he was cheating on me, that I would feel and think ugly and accept that he was the best I could do. Not what happened, obviously, and not your case... but to a certain extent a woman does want to look attractive and sometimes when you're feeling down in the dumps about age or whatever, a well-deserved compliment whether verbal or not from a stranger you'll pass by and never see again, that door being opened, that smile at the mailbox...it's just fun and nice...knowing that if your husband kicks the bucket or turns out to be a cheater, you still have your game. That's human nature speaking, and it won't change. If it gets to be extreme, then yes it's an issue.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

ABeautifulDisaster said:


> My question to you would be this.....How many of these "cosmetic" issues were hers? The way you type them all out I found myself asking how many of these problems were hers versus those that were yours that you imposed upon her? When I read your post it made me wonder if she knew how unhappy you were with her appearance? I'm thinking she did.....but hey I might be wrong...so I will ask first. =)


Well, I did encourage her to get her teeth fixed. But by the time she did it we were already together for over 13 years at that point, so it really didn't matter to me either way. We had the funds and that was one issue that had bothered her for her entire life. I wanted her to do it solely to help her self-esteem.

As for her weight issues, I never once commented on it. She did that all on her own.


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## keko

****ty situation DKT, please do tell your story. Karma stories are always a bonus to this forum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ABeautifulDisaster

All I can say is that one day karma will most definitely be a bigger "B" than you ever were...because eventually the Mrs. will miss the attention of the Mr. even if it is way down the road.....eventually she'll get that all the attention she is lapping up will never compare to what she had.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

ABeautifulDisaster said:


> All I can say is that one day karma will most definitely be a bigger "B" than you ever were...because eventually the Mrs. will miss the attention of the Mr. even if it is way down the road.....eventually she'll get that all the attention she is lapping up will never compare to what she had.


And the stupid thing is? As much as I want to hate her for it all I can feel is sadness...about the whole situation...about how our family is now torn apart and will never be whole again.


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## DaKarmaTrain!

keko said:


> ****ty situation DKT, please do tell your story. Karma stories are always a bonus to this forum.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's coming Keko...stay tuned


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## Lon

DKT, yes it is painful to watch and support your spouse as they work hard at "self improvement" or atleast building up their self-esteem and then as they accomplish their goals take the prize elsewhere. Makes you feel like a bit of a sucker don't it?


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## DaKarmaTrain!

Lon said:


> DKT, yes it is painful to watch and support your spouse as they word hard at "self improvement" or atleast building up their self-esteem and then as they accomplish their goals take the prize elsewhere. Makes you feel like a bit of a sucker don't it?


Sure does Lon. Last December my daughter asked to move in with me since the ex always treated her badly. One day the ex asked why I never tried to convince my daughter to stay with her. I responded with 'Never did because I know what it feels like since you treated me the same way'. She shot back with 'I treated you that way because I didn't want you anymore'.

In other words, I was being used. That was tough.


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## Almostrecovered

weight loss, fake boobs, etc

all part of sex rank and loose boundaries


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## papa5280

In my case, I wouldn't say that my STBXW's physical changes led to the breakdown of the marriage, but in retrospect, they certainly were a symptom.

I'm 50, she's 54. About two years ago, she had a close friend, now passed, who was very ill with cancer. My W wasn't fat, but, like most of us, was above her ideal weight. She's about 5'8" and weighed about 150. She started walking, swimming and riding an exercise bike obsessively. She lost about 40 lbs. All along the way, I was telling her how great she was looking and how proud I was of her. I just assumed that her desire for fitness was from seeing her friend being so ill.

Fast forward to 8 months ago, she left. Not for another man, but just to find her bliss. Not causal, but certainly related. I wish I had seen the changes in her as the warning signs they were. Probably wouldn't have changed the outcome, but at least I wouldn't have felt as blindsided by her leaving as I did.


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## eternal_optimist

I think I can add some perspective on this from the other side of the issue. There have been problems in my marriage for a long time, but I did a stupid thing by choosing to overlook them rather than talk about them out of fear and wanting to keep the peace. Over time, those issues that were put aside all these years and never voiced have left me more depressed than I even allowed myself to realize.

Come January 1 of this year. I decide I'm going to get serious about losing the 40 extra pounds I've been carrying for years, and I've been successful to the tune of 30 pounds. I am also set to get my braces off this summer. The boost in confidence has been astounding, and I was recently talking to my friend who told me that confidence sets off a chemical in your brain. In some of your cases, maybe that chemical became an addiction they couldn't control. In my case, it gave me back the self-esteem I've been lacking after years of control and disrespect. I do think that might explain why only now I am beginning to consider divorce as an option.

Also, as the thought of divorce began to creep into my mind, I had NO appetite - a problem I've never had, and likely the reason I've been as successful this time as I have. Anyone heard of the Divorce Diet? I don't recommend it. Everyone's situation is different, but I suspect a lot of your SOs were unhappy for a long time and stupidly swept their problems under the rug like I did until they couldn't take anymore. Just my 2 cents.


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## happyman64

Karma Train



> I responded with 'Never did because I know what it feels like since you treated me the same way'. She shot back with 'I treated you that way because I didn't want you anymore'.


And she wonders why your daughter wanted to live with you???

At least you could relate with your daughter since you both felt the same way. Abandoned!

I am glad you have the kids and peace of mind.

HM64


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## Nsweet

My story goes I fell in love with and married a sweet fat girl whom I appreciated for her inner beauty above all else. I helped her workout with me and lose 40lbs, I got her treatment for her GERDS, and every last bit of acne was gone in that time. She thanked me by sharing everything about our marriage with friends online and flirting with one in particular "special friend" while I was busting my @$$ to provide for her. All of this while she was living in my mother's house. 

A month after I got out she was the hottest I'd ever seen her while I was still pretty chunky. She had a nice @$$ and a rotten attitude to say the least. I remember we fought more often about her trying to boss me and my family around and get me to work even more so she could sit around and do nothing all day. After only being home a few weeks she cheated on me and then spent hours in the library researching divorce. Talk about a walk away wife!

I take full responsibility for being an @$$hole and pushing my wife away after I gout out of the Navy. Although, I worked 10X as hard to make it up to her family and provide for them when her dead beat dad kept walking out. When I had to drop plans to see her to be with a relative before he passes she demanded I go there and pay half months rent and food for a family of six others and the dad who frequently disappears and comes home days later broke. I told her no, so she checked out of your relationship and into that affair with the "just a friend".

Flash forward a year later after two flights to see her and spend money I can't afford trying to work on our marriage and she treats me like sh!t in front of her family and files for divorce on graduation day under my nose knowing I was throwing her a party. This after somehow finding enough money so I could treat her family to something else for dinner besides rice and beans, and have enough left over to actually go do some inexpensive fun stuff with her. 

The last time I saw her before divorce was when we went through mediation together. She had gotten fat again and I had lost about 25lbs and looked much better. She still had an attitude but humbled out quite a bit since she was getting treated like sh!t from her dream job. The last time I talked to her over the phone was to get my testicles back and confront her over the affair EVERYONE knew about because she was dumb enough to make it public online and on my family's calling plan.

So she left me! She's now preschool teacher working to pay for herself and her family because the OM is a loser. Oh yeah, the OM.... the one who had been trying to steal her away from me the day he met her online when our marriage was really good, that guy. He's a child who never grew up. He drinks a ton, smokes like a chimney, smokes pot instead of treating his bipolar disorder, works as an under the table fry cook so he can continue to smoke pot, flirts openly with OW, rockstar wannabe, emo goth kid, and treats everyone poorly. Great find honey!

The one memory that haunts me to this day, is the look on her mom's face when she apologized to me for her daughter. Her mom spent years trying to stay with a cheating, drinking, and physically abusive husband and grew to love me like one of her children. In time my ex will realize that she was foolish..... Taking all bets btw:smthumbup:

Hell, by then I'll be ripped and back to enjoying the few years of my 20's I have left by sleeping with could be strippers, probably strippers, and definitely strippers:smthumbup: before I ever reconsider marriage. Only kidding moderators, I won't make those same mistakes twice. I've already lost 50+ with >30 to go and am in much better shape than I was in marriage. Won't be too long before I'm ready to settle down again and apply all the great knowledge I've learned from here.


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## happyman64

Good for you NSweet.

There is no revenge sweeter than a life well lived.

You will find a great woman in your future when you are ready.

Now you know what type of woman to look for.

Confident, great self esteem, healthy and most of all happy with her own life.

Live well and prosper.

HM64
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

More like I learned what women to run the hell away from! I'm a lot more skilled at relationship psychology and now know how to both recognize red flags and avoid over qualifying too early in relationships. 

If my divorce taught me anything it's that you need to keep your confidence and avoid rewarding emotional abusive behavior with positive attention. Her respect for you is the foundation of her affection. 

Never chase after anyone who treats you poorly, never get too comfortable with the status quo, never cheat on others (especially if you know how bad it hurts), and never stop being attractive and challenging.

I have no doubt she'll try to get me back, she does that with every ex. I don't think I could treat her like anything more than a friend. I'm having too much fun without the crap load of drama she had to offer.


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## happyman64

And you will soon come to realize that a person who has no respect for you does not even deserve your friendship.......

When you learn that lesson you will know what a great woman has to offer you.

Then you are ready for NSweet 2.0 to come out and find that special friend.

Good Hunting....

HM64
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

That's why I don't chase and I ignore the bejesus out of exes. Makes them crazy for the slightest bit of attention when they realize they left a good guy (who was great in bed) for another jerk that's the better left in the dust.

Had it happen with almost every ex I had a pleasant break up with. Some got the point of stalking me and forcing communication, but by then I was with another girl and had to tell her "Umm. This girl doesn't want me talking to you so.... take the hint and stop sending me pics and annoying texts.".

Deep down I do have a fantasy of reconciliation but I want to bang a bunch of pretty b!tches before I even think about it seriously. Hopefully, in time she'll get over herself and learn she isn't a damsel in distress or more deserving of the drama she creates.


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## Crane

DaKarmaTrain! said:


> However, after 2 kids she gained a tremendous amount of weight. And she always had very crooked teeth (her parents were too cheap to get her braces when she was a kid). While she wasn't nearly as attractive as in college, I certainly loved her anyway.


Yeah. This is _exactly_ what happened with mine. Teeth problems and all.

I do sort of feel like a sucker. But really, my future ex-wife is the same old turd wrapped in a new package. Her new bf will discover this for himself in time. 

And if he doesn't, cool! I have no grudges. I hope they're together for as many years as her and I were, if for no other reason but to keep her the hell away from me.

Meanwhile I'm doing what I can to get my own body back in good working order. I lost a bunch of weight to stress but that isn't neccesarily the healthiest way to go about it. But I'll get to my goal. It's remarkable what a little bit of freedom will do to your schedule.


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## samyeagar

My stbxw went throgh the same transformation. She is 36, 5'3" and went from 190 down to 115 and looks fantastic. We had a lot of other problems in our marriage that she still has yet to acknowledge, and never will. 

After the way the past few months have gone, yeah, the guy in me sees a smokin' hot chick who's a great fvck, but nothing much more than that, and yeah, I have...


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## DaKarmaTrain!

samyeagar said:


> My stbxw went throgh the same transformation. She is 36, 5'3" and went from 190 down to 115 and looks fantastic. We had a lot of other problems in our marriage that she still has yet to acknowledge, and never will.
> 
> After the way the past few months have gone, yeah, the guy in me sees a smokin' hot chick who's a great fvck, but nothing much more than that, and yeah, I have...


Yup...I WOULD HAVE been up to banging the STBXW just for the hell of it (our sex life was probably the best thing about our marriage) but with the way she has been acting lately, she is nothing more than a walking petri dish with legs...


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## MooseAndSquirrel

Self esteem issues make you do stupid sh!t.


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## worrieddad

Lon said:


> DKT, yes it is painful to watch and support your spouse as they work hard at "self improvement" or atleast building up their self-esteem and then as they accomplish their goals take the prize elsewhere. Makes you feel like a bit of a sucker don't it?


I'm in the same boat with all you guys...this feeling like a sucker bit is what really gets to me at the moment.


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## hunter411

I hate to hijack this thread, bit I think a karma train thread would be great. Is there already one out there? I already have some derailment stories I can add from my first ex. Just a thought


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## keko

hunter411 said:


> I hate to hijack this thread, bit I think a karma train thread would be great. Is there already one out there? I already have some derailment stories I can add from my first ex. Just a thought


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/48920-any-good-karma-stories-cheaters-3.html


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