# Lost in Hell



## nicknick (Feb 16, 2012)

Hi 

Last 5 months have seen everything I know flying away from a marriage of 23 years. My wife tells me she wants out of the marriage. We have two kids. One writing finals soon. She says we must stay together for the kids until finals are over, but there will be no relationship between us. She says she will do what ever she wants and I cant stop her. How can any normal person live like this?

A bit of history, 10 years ago I went through a crisis. Told her I wanted to leave. She told me to that she will be there if i want to return. 3 weeks later i returned. Now after ten years I believe she is in extreme midlife crisis. She will not listen to anything I say or try. Everything is my fault according to her. She says she wants to fix her life. She is turning 40 now. Anyway I suspected and i found alot of details that there is someone else but he lives in another country. Her sister I believe has given her a push to go for it. The sister tried to break us up 8 years ago. My wife keeps throwing back in my face that ten years ago I wanted to leave. She even says that she will probably regret this, but I cant stop her.

I tried asking her to lets try and work it out. Nothing. Tried to get her to counselling nothing. She is just negative to everything I say. Thing is I really love her and its killing me now for i dont know what to do next. How can I get through this?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

why did you leave 10 years ago?

i have been staying for the sake of the kids for about a year, i am now realizing that is not the best idea.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Try the 180.

When you say she wants to leave, do you mean she wants to separate or she wants to divorce? If she plans on a trial separation so she can meet this other guy, you need to tell her that this is not acceptable at all. She needs to stay or divorce, without the option of returning, ever. Not that you want her to choose that option, but she needs to realize that she can't have her cake and eat it, too.


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

Let her go. and do the 180 as the above poster stated.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Let her go,but refuse to finance it. Cut off her access to shared credit and your paycheck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Don't stay for the kids. If she wants to leave then she leaves. Don't pretend to be in a relationship.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

You can't control what another person thinks, feels, and does.

She wants out, she refuses to work with you, let her go.

Nothing else you can do. Cut your losses and move on with your own life, don't exerted your emotional and physical energies trying to hold onto a person who no longer wants to be with you.


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## nicknick (Feb 16, 2012)

Thanks for the replies.

In response to okeydokie, I left cause I was stupid. I went on a three month binge, i dont need to give details, you can figure them out. However everyday I was home. She stood their and actually fought to keep things together. When I realized what i was doing and what was important I chose and went home. 

I know I have not been perfect. 

I still believe she is in MID LIFE CRISIS and she will regret one day what she is doing as I did. Her sister who is ______ has continuously put a spanner in the works between the two of us, and somehow she got her hooks dug in deep into her sister and is encouraging her. I know this because there are things she says to me that are from her sisters character.

This marrriage of 23 years has been good. Financially she cant get anything out of me. I am the one with the problem as all loans are in my name. Emotionally she has torn me apart and I still trying to figure everything. Like I said I still love this woman and would do anything to save our marriage. She believes that the kids will be fine, but I know there will be damage there. I have seen it from her sister(divorced) her brother (divorced x 2) her mother(widowed). You will probably say I should have seen all the warning signs before i jumped in. She was never like the rest of her family. 

She denies that she cares about this other guy and there is nothing there. I dont believe one word of it. I told her that if she travels to his country I am gone no matter what. 

I always believe fight till the very end, and just to give up now and walk away is just quitting.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

nicknick said:


> She denies that she cares about this other guy and there is nothing there. I dont believe one word of it. I told her that if she travels to his country I am gone no matter what.


She tells you there's nothing going on with this guy yet she's planning a trip to his country?

Wow.


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## nicknick (Feb 16, 2012)

Not much else i can say. But reality is a real eye opener. The bible says that there are three things that can destroy the world, FIRE, WATER AND OF COURSE WOMAN. The later has destroyed my life. I suppose like everything else life goes on.................


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## fearful55 (Feb 15, 2012)

nicknick said:


> Not much else i can say. But reality is a real eye opener. The bible says that there are three things that can destroy the world, FIRE, WATER AND OF COURSE WOMAN. The later has destroyed my life. I suppose like everything else life goes on.................


I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing. For a different set of reasons, she is leaving and I can't stop it. 

The feeling of powerlessness is killer. I also feel fear because mine is actively working to undermine me. You don't seem to have that. It very freaky to have someone who for as long as you can remember had your back unconditionally who now has become the biggest threat to your stability ever.

I can't control her. I can only control me. That's why I'm here...looking for solace, looking for answers...


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

so let me guess she was 17 got married together forever and it was never a truly consummate love. More likely a compassionate love or lesser case a empty love. If it was a consummate love you two would not be at this point .

you deserve someone better there are women out there who are truly loyal and loving and worthy of you assuming you yourself deserve such a woman all depends on your life style choices.

best of luck


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Read up on the 180. This can help you prepare yourself to life without her. Maybe try a trial separation. She might come back like you did. If she left the country to be with this man that would be a deal breaker for me too. Sounds like the sister has a bit of misery loves company going on and wants your wife's company. Hopefully your wife will realize before it's to late that the grass is not always greener on the other side.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If your children are of adult age, I suggest you take bankruptcy and let everybody sort things out for themselves. I wish I had taken this approach upon hearing I was being "let go". The few creditors I had could have ended up with the house which was paid for that the idiot judge was turning over to the ex and her stud and I wouldn't have nearly starved to death for the following two years.
Of course I'm only suggesting this since her two kids weren't fathered by me but I didn't know it at the time.


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