# Recently found out husband cheated on me and still had pictures of the women



## Jeanna (May 19, 2012)

Recently, I found out that my husband cheated on me. We were not married at the time however, we were suppose to be in a relationship. We have been together almost 30 years, and married year 6. Although he cheated many years ago, it feels like it just happened, and for some reason he can't understand that. I confronted him after discovering pictures. I could tell what year it was because we both had are own apartments. And these pictures took place in his apartment. Right now, don't know how I feel about him. My love for this man was so strong....he has no idea what he has done to that. All the memories we shared, good and bad, has no signifants to me. Our childen grew up together, we took many trips in and out of the country together, we shared everything, I don't what did I do wrong. I know that I still care for him, but I'm at a point where I know that deep down in side of me, he will never possess the love I felt for him. I know that this is coming from a hurt place inside of me, but I know myself and I know I will never see him the same way. I need to leave but finacially this is not an option. You know that old saying "when he's already left, but he stays, he becomes bitter", this is what whey I've been feeling. Ultimately, this came to a head with a big blown out verbal fight. He says that he can't change the past but hopes that I forgive him. He says that he loves me that's why he brought me the house, and does all these other things, but I believe that is all out of guilt....not coming from the from the true person, and the reason I feel like this is because as I mentioned he said that he hoped that I would forgive him, but he never asked for forgiveness....Do you know what I mean? He never said I'm sorry, I screwed up, and although this was a long time ago, I know this has hurt you and I'm sorry. I asked him what is the women's name, he avoid anwsering me, not that I need to know. Yet , when I'm talking to someone on the phone, he wants to know who I'm talking to. I know that if things were different financially, I would leave him, even if it were nothing else but to give myself time, but right now I feel stuck. I've stopped arguing. Nothing he says interest me, and when I look at him I just see a man. I find myself being kind now, but inside I'm so broke up and hurt, and feel that he's destroyed the person that I used to be. My friends says I have decide whether to forgive him, but I don't know how to do that. Please someone tell me what you honestly think, what would you do. .and for the record possessions don't equal love.... confused:


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

So sorry for you. First, you just found out it's devastating to know the trust you thought you had is now shattered. Now is not the time for any major decisions. You will be on an emotional roller coaster. Hopefully you have had time to read up on the 180 and take into account your H's actions now, plus after his affair since it seems this was just a one time deal. Believe me time will help. Good luck.

_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Wow, the pain you feel is real because you just found it now. It is horrible that he will not even apologize to you. Have you considered counseling?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I am sorry you're here and in such pain.

The issue that leaped out at me is the fact that he refuses to disclose who she is. I find that odd. To me that is something that needs to be figured out. It makes me fear that it is someone with whom he remains in contact. Why is he protecting her?


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## JustMe321 (May 9, 2012)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar experience. I found out years after my WH's affairs that he had cheated. To me, it had happened that very moment. To him, it was old news and shouldn't/didn't really change anything. It took a couple of weeks to get to a place in which I think he finally turned that corner and truly grasped how this affected me. I am almost a year and a half out from d-day and although my H has apologized and seems to be committed to me and this R, I am still not sure I can move past this.

That being said, I understand what you are going through. Everything post the date of his affair feels like a lie right? Like everything that came afterward is somehow not real. Dates, special events...all those important times are now sullied by this. A whole life overshadowed by something you lived with but knew nothing about. It feels awful to have the life you always knew, your memories, ripped out from underneath you. 

It sounds like he wants to rugsweep and make it your job to forgive him while he does not nothing actively to help you do this and just waits for you to 'get over it' - or not. That is not going to work. He needs to answer any questions you have and show you why he deserves R with you.

There are so many wise folks on this board and I'm sure they will appear soon. Please take care of yourself and sending good thoughts to you.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I totally understand what you're feeling. My H's affair ended 10 years ago - I knew about his involvement with the OW, but he swore to me that it never went physical. I found out in January that it did and it put me right back to square one.

I feel like I was living a lie for 10 years. We're still together, but I struggle with it daily. Keep thinking he cheated on me, then cheated me out of full disclosure. Had I known everything 10 years ago, I may have made different choices for myself. But I was stripped of that right.

My H also wants to rug sweep - "it was a long time ago, can't we just move on". Well, no - it might be over for him but I'm still hurting. Making him understand that was tough ... but I think he gets it now.

Don't let your H minimize your feelings. Be open and honest with him and convey your needs. Hopefully the light bulb will come on and he'll realize you need his help.


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