# If he or she forgot



## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

YOUR BIRTHDAY,

What would you be besides hurt? What would you say to make them understand that you're hurt by it? To some people this is not a big deal. To others they would be crushed?
Just wondered.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I would be crushed if my partner forgot. I would also be cautious if it appeared that everything is last minute. This is one of those serious red flags that indicate the end of a relationship.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sooo true with what NextTimeAround said.

At the end of Hubs and my last chapter, every holiday with him was last minute. THAT DAY he'd go get stuff. He never forgot because I didn't let him. This Xmas I was worried cause I didn't remind him, but he came through...

If it was my birthday, that would be hard (it's also our anniversary)...I don't know what I'd say, but I know i'd take myself out to dinner. 

is the day over? was it today? or another day?


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

I don't know....the older I get the less I want anyone to remember my birthday LOL.....I don't think it would crush me if my H forgot, I would be a little upset, but I have a hard time remembering dates myself... I don't even know what the date is half the time!!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I really wouldn't care to be honest. I guess it's because my family stopped celebrating my birthday since I was 17 because they thought I got "too old" for birthday parties....:/ 

I'd be more "concerned" if she forgot our anniversary.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

growing up I had 3 brothers and our birthdays were with in 2 week of each other. My mother had one birthday party for all three of us and it never fell on our real birthday. so I guess I learned birthdays arn't really important. to me they are just another day.

with that said my wife thinks they are of big importance but it took me awhile to realise this. at first I would say whats the big deal.

now I make an effort to be thoughtfull for her on her birthday.

Fathers day means much more to me than a birthday.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think it's important to celebrate a partner's birthday. But these days, some negotiation as to when exactly is necessary.


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## Broncos Fan (Mar 1, 2012)

shaylady said:


> YOUR BIRTHDAY,
> 
> What would you be besides hurt? What would you say to make them understand that you're hurt by it? To some people this is not a big deal. To others they would be crushed?
> Just wondered.


You know I admit this is sexist, but my wife has forgotten my birthday and our anniversary several times over the years. It bothers me more that she did it because women are supposed to be good at remembering that stuff (sexist I admit yet again), and I've never forgotten anything relevant to her. She even forgot the place we got married when we went back there a year later, me trying to be romantic. I wasn't ever crushed, but I do feel like I have quite a stack of 'get-out-of-jail-free' cards built up now for that fateful day when I do finally forget something important.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> I don't know....the older I get the less I want anyone to remember my birthday LOL.....I don't think it would crush me if my H forgot, I would be a little upset, but I have a hard time remembering dates myself... I don't even know what the date is half the time!!


This year I dont want to celebrate my bday. First year ever that I'm not feelin' it


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> This year I dont want to celebrate my bday. First year ever that I'm not feelin' it


Due to age or because of the surgery and stuff you have going on???


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My age! lolll for some reason, 36 isn't sitting well with me. I don't know why. Normally i get excited for my birthday starting now! (it's in June).

Hubs' birthday is next Saturday...he'll be 29 

Our anniversary is my birthday so we can celebrate that


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Last year my husband forgot my birthday. I invited him to dinner with two other couples from work, one of the guys' birthday was the day before mine, so we had a big birthday dinner. It wasn't until they brought out the ice cream at the end that he said, "oh yeah, happy birthday" and that was the only thing he ever said or did about it. Didn't even reach for/ chip in for the check.

One more nail in the coffin, that's what I say.

When his birthday rolled around, I conveniently "forgot" to plan the couples weekend we usually do with some old friends of mine. And was off running an obstacle course race, anyway so didn't really have the time or energy for him.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Wouldnt care at all if my spouse forgot my bday. To me, there are many other things that are much more important. As I get older I realize this more and more...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Complexity said:


> I'd be more "concerned" if she forgot our anniversary.


:iagree:

I knew that was the beginning of the end for my marriage. I bought hubs a card, and had a baker re-create, to some degree, the top layer of our wedding cake. He came in the door like it was just any other day.

Heck, forget my stinkin' b-day. Just another year closer to the grave. I have no need to celebrate another bag or wrinkle!

However, forgetting our anniversary ... that sucked. And, as usual, I couldn't get a simple "I'm sorry," I had to hear the litany of excuses as to why he forgot.

Was that ever a waste of my time ...:sleeping:


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

I'm kind of two minds on this.

On the one hand, I don't make a big deal out of my birthday. On the other, I always make sure that I've planned out whatever I'm doing / buying for her b-day well in advance. She's never forgotten or anything... but several birthdays she's waited too late to get me anything... and then, maybe a couple of days beforehand, she'll buy something and I'll get belated birthday presents. This hasn't happened once or twice... but rather 7 or 8 times. "Oh, the gift hasn't come yet, but I got you something!" While technically true, the fact that she seemingly can't be bothered to even shop until the last possible minute bugs me, if only a little.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

Growing up my parents never really celebrated our birthdays so I always told myself that when I grew up I'll always do something special. 

My day happens to also be valentine's day so H never forgets my birthday. But I have had the misfortune of always being broke for my birthday .


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

If she forgot mine, no problem. The other way around, things seem to work a little differently. I've had to go to a lot of lengths to make sure that absentminded me doesn't forget. I had to post about this a while back: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/40360-remembering-important-dates.html I realize a lot of you ladies will think that's very unromantic, but the pressure's on, and I don't want to mess it up ... so I do what I have to do to be on time.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> My age! lolll for some reason, 36 isn't sitting well with me. I don't know why. Normally i get excited for my birthday starting now! (it's in June).
> 
> Hubs' birthday is next Saturday...he'll be 29
> 
> Our anniversary is my birthday so we can celebrate that


So young...no worries. Wait to you hit my age...

Funny thing is 50 did not bother me as much as 52? Bizarre.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Since my birthday is right after the holidays, it gets forgotten often. Especially at work. Not sure if my opinion is squewed because of that, but birthdays are very important to acknowledge just like someone likes hearing their own name.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> My age! lolll for some reason, 36 isn't sitting well with me. I don't know why. Normally i get excited for my birthday starting now! (it's in June).
> 
> Hubs' birthday is next Saturday...he'll be 29
> 
> Our anniversary is my birthday so we can celebrate that


Not gonna lie, I'm terrified for my 30th birthday...this year is 29...I don't know why, I know that I'm not magically going to start looking like butt or anything haha, I guess I just don't want to face the fact that I am getting older....

Exactly, shift the focus of the celebration!! haha  Our anniversary is within a few days of my birthday so we will likely do that same haha


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i forget his birthday, my birthday, the kids birthday, our anniversary.

dosent matter to me one way or another. 

its the other 300+ days in the year that matter. yesterday h came home with a movie for me, and today we got take-out from a place i wanted to go, and we sat outside and ate.

its not any day other than thursday. we have a "rule" of sorts. on birthdays the birthday boy/girl gets oral. no matter what, like sick, or tired, hungry...its one day a year to be really nice.


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## Emly (Feb 22, 2012)

I am so conscious about Birthdays and Anniversaries.I almost remember all of my friend's and Family's Birthday but Last time everyone wished me exactly 12 O'clock but My Hubby Forgot to wish me.I am so sensitive and at first I waited him whole day for him to wish me but I did not get any response...Then I cried a lot and ask him if he did not remember my birthday..Then he gave me Lame Excuses.. Then I couldn't do anything.. 

That's My Sad Story!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Unfortunately, we have had a lot of fights over this. Not just birthdays but important dates in general, like anniversaries, christmas, etc.

There have been times where we do not exchange gifts due to money being tight and I am fine with that, its never really a material item I am longing for anyway. For me I just want a gesture that shows me that you took some time out of your life to think about me, and to do something 100% unselfishly out of love for your spouse.

My husband is generally awful with this. He doesn't completely forget holidays or birthdays but he will always wait until the last minute to even think about it, and usually that means I am given something that obviously had very little thought put into it and/or is given late.

For example....valentines day this year. I purchased some small gifts for my husband many weeks in advance and was very excited to give them to him. On Valentines day, my husband didn't even get me a card. He claimed that he bought me something online and it had not arrived yet (which means he ordered it too late to rwcieve it in time). A week after valentines day he hands me an amazon box - not wrapped - and a card that had no mention of valentines day on it...a generic one that he obviously picked up the week after valentines day once all the valentines day cards were gone.

Truthfully when he does that, all that it shows me is that I must not be that important to him. The gift is meaningless to me. The fact that he couldn't be bothered to go rifle through a crowded card store to get his wife a valentines day card and have it ready on feb 14th is all that I remember. I find it to be very selfish and it hurts me.

My husband doesn't get it. He thinks that what he did on valentines day was perfectly acceptable because in the end he did buy me something and that's what its about right?

I have stopped expecting anything different and I try to take care of my own happiness on big days, usually I plan to do something for myself on my birthday alone that will make me happy so that I am not left waiting around for him to make my day. It hurts though. I do carry this disappointment with me during every single holiday and actually kind of dread all holidays for this reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

It will be a big deal to me because B-Days have always been special between us and given our circumstances, would seem like a hostile action to forget.

My B-Day is Tuesday and she has not even mentioned it. I really don't think she'll forget, I just think acting like it is not happening is another cool down tactic. I'm not mentioning it for the same reason.

I do admit that I am trying to figure out how best to handle it if it does happen.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

*Dean* said:


> I would go out and buy something expensive. I have everything I need
> but if she forgot for some reason then yes I would treat myself to something special.
> 
> If your love one doesn't take care of you then who will?
> ...


It has happened to me on our second year of marriage, he forgot my birthday and after that a couple of times have been last minute. Like Dean I'll do something for myself and will let him know thats because he forgot.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'll probably get Alzheimer's then I can forget everything.


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

kag123 said:


> For me I just want a gesture that shows me that you took some time out of your life to think about me, and to do something 100% unselfishly out of love for your spouse.


:iagree:

It's not the gift itself that has meaning for me, it's the symbolic aspect of putting in the thought and effort to remembering and doing a little bit of shopping.

One of the most memorable gifts I ever received wasn't even a birthday gift, it was a little keychain that an ex bought for me waiting in a checkout line. I cherished it because it said. "I was thinking about you and I thought you'd like it".

The ex SO was great at remembering dates, he knew all his 5 siblings' birthdays and always remembered to send them an email or make a phone call, and knew my birthday was the day before his father's birthday. He just hated shopping -- with a passion. So much so that he would piss and moan about having to shop for me prior to any gift-giving occasion like birthday or Christmas. That felt worse than forgetting.  There were actually a couple of Christmases and one birthday where I didn't get anything because he couldn't "face" shopping.

So I'd rather someone genuinely forgot than remembered but couldn't be bothered making an effort.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My husband forgets everything except his own birthday. Some years he’ll remember my birthday, most years not. What he often does is tells me days in advance what he’s going to do. Then he does not do it. This really angers me.
He starts reminding me of his birthday a few weeks in advance and announces what he wants as a gift.

Now, if he forgets my birthday... the next time around I don't get him anything. 

We have never celebrated an anniversary. 

And yes it upsets me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I'll probably get Alzheimer's then I can forget everything.


But think of all the money you will save on movie rentals... you can just watch the same movie every day and it will not seem like a rerun


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