# Extra Attention Post D



## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Post divorce I've changed. A LOT. I used to dress how my ex liked - long shapeless skirts and shirts that buttoned up to my neck. Basically like a pilgrim who had just landed on Plymouth Rock. (yuck)

Post divorce I lost weight, am wearing short shorts, and lightened my hair. Oh, and I wear shirts with a plunging-v and/or tank top. When I post pictures on social media, a lot more people are "liking" my stuff. Don't get me wrong - I like the attention. But at the same time, I don't. Even though I am just dressing in what makes me feel good, I guess I'm just not used to extra attention. It still feels undeserved and weird. 

Does this go away? I think part of it is sometimes guys who I know are in relationships will "like" my stuff and it triggers me since I was cheated on. However, they might just be liking my pics because I totally have a new lease on life and am usually doing something fun in the picture I post, like hiking or golfing or whatever. 

Sorry for the rambling....it's just weird when you've been in the background for so long to suddenly feel "front and center." Two years since my separation/D and I'm still not used to it.........

Hoping it goes away. I am worthy of attention, of feeling sexy and attractive. Why is that so hard to get used to?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> Post divorce I've changed. A LOT. I used to dress how my ex liked - long shapeless skirts and shirts that buttoned up to my neck. Basically like a pilgrim who had just landed on Plymouth Rock. (yuck)
> 
> Post divorce I lost weight, am wearing short shorts, and lightened my hair. Oh, and I wear shirts with a plunging-v and/or tank top. When I post pictures on social media, a lot more people are "liking" my stuff. Don't get me wrong - I like the attention. But at the same time, I don't. Even though I am just dressing in what makes me feel good, I guess I'm just not used to extra attention. It still feels undeserved and weird.
> 
> ...


*It's a more than natural reaction on your part! You've probably felt so cloistered in your previous relationship that you are truly making your best effort at breaking out of your old shell!

To that end, I really wouldn't be all that concerned about it and would just try to lay back and enjoy the "new" you!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Your husband brain washed you to feel "guilty" for feeling like an attractive sexual woman. Even though you are free of him now your brain is going to take some re wiring, unless he seriously repressed you emotionally I would think over time you will gain confidence and simply enjoy the attention.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

bravenewworld said:


> Post divorce I've changed. A LOT. I used to dress how my ex liked - long shapeless skirts and shirts that buttoned up to my neck. Basically like a pilgrim who had just landed on Plymouth Rock. (yuck)
> 
> Post divorce I lost weight, am wearing short shorts, and lightened my hair. Oh, and I wear shirts with a plunging-v and/or tank top. When I post pictures on social media, a lot more people are "liking" my stuff. Don't get me wrong - I like the attention. But at the same time, I don't. Even though I am just dressing in what makes me feel good, I guess I'm just not used to extra attention. It still feels undeserved and weird.
> 
> Does this go away? I think part of it is sometimes guys who I know are in relationships will "like" my stuff and it triggers me since I was cheated on. However, they might just be liking my pics because I totally have a new lease on life and am usually doing something fun in the picture I post, like hiking or golfing or whatever.


I think that's probably exactly it. They are more likely to be 'liking' that you are having fun and being happy than they are 'liking' that your shirt shows more skin or whatever.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I by no means am insinuating you suffer from this issue, BUT a know a lot of women who have gone through a divorce then become skanky. I have no idea why they do this but they dress like a teenager and skank dudes that they would never give the time of day generally. So, I say that to say this, TREAD VERY CAREFULLY. You may still be an emotional wreck and this is one of the outlets. Protect yourself emotionally and don't do anything to LOWER the respect you have for YOURSELF...DUDE


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Dude007 said:


> I by no means am insinuating you suffer from this issue, BUT a know a lot of women who have gone through a divorce then become skanky. I have no idea why they do this but they dress like a teenager and skank dudes that they would never give the time of day generally. So, I say that to say this, TREAD VERY CAREFULLY. You may still be an emotional wreck and this is one of the outlets. Protect yourself emotionally and don't do anything to LOWER the respect you have for YOURSELF...DUDE


I wouldn't say I'm an emotional wreck - more like I have an emotional sunburn?

I think it's okay to dress like a teenager if that's the clothing you feel comfortable in - male or female. I agree it's important to protect yourself emotionally post-d. Seems like some people have lots of casual sex and/or get into intense relationships without thinking about what's best for their own well-being.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> I used to dress how my ex liked - long shapeless skirts and shirts that buttoned up to my neck. Basically like a pilgrim who had just landed on Plymouth Rock. (yuck)


I've just gotta ask....WHY was he into THIS? A religious thing?

wtf?

Also just wanted to say...learn to enjoy that attention! 

I guess as for the social media likes, just ignore them unless they are trying to get in your space somehow. I know all the guys (and many girls) on any page I have will/would like any pic of me...mostly they really are just being nice. And I can see them all liking other pics than mine and not just women's pics...so it seems safe with the particular circle I have. Just start letting go of any "friends" who give you a vibe. People had better get to the point where they have FB thick skin. So if you stop seeing their stuff or unfriend them, they don't act weird about it. Act adult-like or get off my page, IMO.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I've just gotta ask....WHY was he into THIS? A religious thing?
> 
> wtf?
> 
> Also just wanted to say...learn to enjoy that attention!


Not a religious thing - he was just extremely conservative. Pick out the most conservative outfits from the Brooks Brothers catalog and that's basically what he wanted me to wear. Pilgrim/Business Woman gear. Yuck.

I'm trying to start enjoying it a little more. There's definitely a thrill in knowing someone you are attracted to thinks you're purdy. Creepy people, not so much.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> I wouldn't say I'm an emotional wreck - more like I have an emotional sunburn?
> 
> I think it's okay to dress like a teenager if that's the clothing you feel comfortable in - male or female. I agree it's important to protect yourself emotionally post-d. Seems like some people have lots of casual sex and/or get into intense relationships without thinking about what's best for their own well-being.


I've always loved the clothing at Delia's, and I'm 36. If I was thin enough...


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

bravenewworld said:


> I wouldn't say I'm an emotional wreck - more like I have an emotional sunburn?
> 
> I think it's okay to dress like a teenager if that's the clothing you feel comfortable in - male or female. I agree it's important to protect yourself emotionally post-d. Seems like some people have lots of casual sex and/or get into intense relationships without thinking about what's best for their own well-being.


I hear ya my friend..Just tread carefully and don't swing the other way just because your ex wanted you to dress conservatively. Swinging to the other side of the pendulum is just as bad. Makes sense? I'm here to help!! DUDE


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