# Sex life with ex's



## Immarriedwhy (Nov 13, 2011)

Hey what up folks, nice to meet you guys and gals here. Im a new member, 2 kids, married for 6 years. I have a slew of problems but who wants to hear all that lol?

But for real, what do I do?

One day, I overheard my wife talking to her friend about not only our sex life but other experiences she has had with others. It was intimate details on how big peckers were, how she finished who did what....I honestly dont discuss my sex life with my friends because I feel like I am selling her to them. In any case, I was highly offended by this and I know for a fact that if I were to discuss my sex life regarding my ex's id be in a big ol divorce bubble for two days.

Am I right for feeling this way? She insists its normal for girls to chat this up but im not comfortable with it,maybe women who arent married can do it,... One im not into being compared to ex's and two if you can do it i can do it, however if i do its to "hurt your feelings"...

Thank you guys, im a newbie.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I have a friend whom tells me everything she has done sexually. It's awful! I don't want to hear about her sex life how often, when, how good/bad it was, when she gives oral.... OMG, it's TMI... 

I'm right along with you! My own mother tries to pry in this sacred topic. She gets upset when I don't tell her and reminds me that we are all adults and she has a right to know. I can talk about it here only because y'all don't know who I am. My friends and family wouldn't believe me anyways how fabulous it is between hubby and I.

I don't talk about my exes to anyone. I don't think of them either. What's in the past is in the past. I have the most wonderful husband and I'm very blessed to have him in my life.
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## Immarriedwhy (Nov 13, 2011)

Thank you for the response, I am just really lost as to how she explains this behavior, I say, if I talked to my friends regarding my ex's comparing them to you, you'd be upset, and threaten divorce and she says no i wouldnt, as long i was the best....


Im mad at the moment and i feel mind F'd.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It would bother me, too. It's a clear violation of intimacy. She's basically telling the world that she doesn't view sex with you as anything precious or worth keeping secret.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> It would bother me, too. It's a clear violation of intimacy. She's basically telling the world that she doesn't view sex with you as anything precious or worth keeping secret.


:iagree:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Her response that it is common to spill detailed info is both false and immaterial. If it upsets you then she needs to stop. She is also courting danger. I have heard of women bragging about the sexual powers to gf and one of the gf having a go at the husband out of curiosity. Not saying that is you but, people are so stupid revealing sexual details so indiscriminately. . 

Ask her if kibitzing with the girls about topics you consider private is more important than the distress she is putting you through. Ask her what area in your relationship where you have done the same to her? If your feelings don't matter in this then maybe you should renegotiate other areas of the relationship in which you made adjustments to your activities to avoid upsetting her even though you did not attach any particular importance to it. I am not advising an escalating tit for tat - I am suggesting that she has forgotten to appreciate the adjustments that I know you must have made for her. She now takes these for granted. Maybe reexamining them will remind her that your relationship is an exchange.

All adult relationships are. When your partner goes out of their way to do little things that are important to you but not neccessarily to them, it is a sign of your priority in their lives. Your wife seems to have placed your happiness somewhere behind that of jawboning with the ladies. I think it is time for you to reinsert yourself in the top slot. You need to shake things up, get her attention and respect. 

I am not certain how you should go about it but I am certain other poster will have suggestions. Use the ones that suit you and your wife. Don't let her be so sure about you. Keep up your appearance, exercise, dress well and make sure to cultivate male type activities and male friends. Keep her on her toes.
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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I have a friend whom tells me everything she has done sexually. It's awful! I don't want to hear about her sex life how often, when, how good/bad it was, when she gives oral.... OMG, it's TMI...
> 
> I'm right along with you! *My own mother tries to pry in this sacred topic. She gets upset when I don't tell her and reminds me that we are all adults and she has a right to know*. I can talk about it here only because y'all don't know who I am. My friends and family wouldn't believe me anyways how fabulous it is between hubby and I.
> 
> ...


 Why the hell does your mother have the "right to know" about your sex life? That is private! Some mothers really take the cake with their intrusive attitudes. 

My mother and I cannot discuss sex, because she is a prude and views sex as something that men are free to enjoy.  Poor woman thinks that I am "sick" because I love sex.

I talk about sex with my best friend. It is always on very general terms, like "I got a great slam last night boy!" :rofl: When we were both single, we would go into detail about unusual sexual experiences, such as a poorly endowed man or anal for the first time.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

This is a bit to close to home for me. It definitely crosses the line. We are connected in so many different ways to my wife's bad boy experience that I thought we would never be able to move on from the whole thing.

One night I just told her I was not interested in knowing what was going on in his life, I did not want to associate with his brother and his wife (my wife's best friend). unfortunately my wife's sister married the other brother of this guy. Everyone knew about the relationship and while I knew it was dumb I felt like the cuckhold guy at every common event where we ended up together. 

Once we were at a Christmas party with some friends and people were talking about individuals they knew that had done prison time. My wife shared that she had a boyfriend that had done prison time. Her closest friend at the time gave me a look and said "Yep and I have heard all about him". I am sure steam was coming out of my ears.

Like I have said It is true I may have her heart but he will always have her mind. It completely sucks.

Express your concerns directly and ask her to stop for your relationships sake or it will never go away.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Immarriedwhy said:


> Hey what up folks, nice to meet you guys and gals here. Im a new member, 2 kids, married for 6 years. I have a slew of problems but who wants to hear all that lol?
> 
> But for real, what do I do?
> 
> ...


My wife and I were watching Bridesmaids, and the scene where they are in the.. coffee house, talking like sailors and discussing penis size, etc. My wife told me at that moment women really do talk that way, and she thought it was hilarious. 

So yes/no to one of your questions. At least *some* women do talk that way. But some men also talk that way. 

Regardless of whether or not its normal, you have a right to be comfortable/uncomfortable with whatever you want, and if this makes you uncomfortable, then Id suggest you bring it up with her, but keep in mind your wife is doing so, believing it is completely harmless.

Personally I would not be ok if I overheard my wife talking with her gf's in graphic detail about other guys she has been with, unless she was telling them how poorly they measured up to me. If she starts talking about "john" or "brad" and how she misses their ****, Id be pissed. If she wants to talk about our sex life, thats a different story.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I know my GF talks to her BFF and other friends about our sex life, and I'm ok with it. And we talk about her past lovers and what they did in pretty explicit detail, and I assume she talked to them about it as well, if not now. Although I strive to give her new things to talk about! . And I've talked to my brother and one of my friends about things, in pretty explicit terms...

But... I'm comfortable that she talks about me in a positive, respectful manner. And she's with me, not one of her past partners for a reason, even if she's had bigger or done somewhat different things with them. 

However, if it bothers you and you've told her about it bothering you in a clear manner, then there's an issue. Same as porn; it's not a problem if one partner watches it if it's ok to both partners, but if it's not ok, then there's an issue. Have you tried explaining how it bothers you? Why you'd like it to be kept between the two of you?

And talking to your parents about your sex life? That's just WAY TMI! . Although if my GF wanted to talk to her mom, I'd be ok with it, but I could never talk to my mom about it. 

C
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That's a little odd. While my girl friends and I may share sex stories (if there's a problem or it was awesome!) about our husbands, I don't remember a time we talked about our exes


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I find the behaviour adolescent.
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## Immarriedwhy (Nov 13, 2011)

These are some awesome responses, I can never think this clearly about the situation since Im in the situation. I honestly dont know if I have a problem with her discussing our sex life, i just feel its inappropriate to be talking about ex's. And this may be part of a larger problem, things like this occur where she'll defend her actions with whatever reasoning and its always "ok, no more" after i bring it up but not before hours of logistics and stats i have to use for her to understand or yield. You know what i remind me of, a little kid, only because i want her in trouble as it seems im always in trouble over something remedial.

Thank you guys so much!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

My stbxw had a couple close friends, one in particular, whom she shared EVERY detail with. Her friend is married too and we were getting to be close friends with them, so I grew used to them knowing every detail... when things were turning sexless the times we did have an experience together I'd be getting a call from my W's friend's H (who I also consider my friend), within a few hours sometimes, congratulating me on the accomplishment. It put a little extra pressure on me knowing there was a larger audience.

My stbx would also share random tidbits with her other more casual friends as well as even her clients she felt close to. At one point I told her outright I wasn't comfortable with everyone knowing everything and she acknowledged my opinion but watered it down and said she uses some discretion depending who she was talking to. I think this definitely eroded a little of the trust and I think it also eroded at the intimate bond I always wanted to nourish.

I'm not sure how much this played in the loss of sex and intimacy in my marriage, but it definitely had some part in it. On the other hand, as a nice guy that compartmentalizes everything, it was nice to be able to have some sort of more "intimate" relationship with some couple friends, I grew very comfortable talking to them about whatever subject we wanted to talk about - I just wish a few of the really deep details of my own sex life were filtered before my W poured her heart and mind out to other people.

note: rereading this thread I realize I went off topic a little, as to the sex life with ex's that is something that never came back to me, but I am sure that there were no subjects taboo when my stbxw was with her friend(s) atleast I never had to hear it firsthand, but it is definitely a little unnerving knowing it probably has been discussed, and being compared without my knowledge (especially since our marriage wasn't healthy - I think I was a lot more confident when my W was happy and so probably didn't really care as much earlier on in the relationship).


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