# porn question



## familygirl

I have posted this in another forum - i think this forum is where it should be!

Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?

My guy says Im his everything but looks at porn and jacks off - even straight after work when he comes home - ten minutes before I get home!

I fail to see the logic here

Honest answer please


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## NovellaBiers

No.


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## Jamison

How old are you both? He sounds young and not ready for a real relationship.


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## 6301

I don't care how good the porn is. When you have the real thing in front of you and they are willing and want you, it's hand down. I go for the real thing.


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## ConanHub

He is definitely addicted. We all train our minds what to respond to sexually. 
He has obviously trained himself for a long time to excite himself with porn and then whack off.
If you are serious with this guy you are both going to have to work on getting him over his addiction. He needs to go through some withdrawal from porn and start training his mind to think of you for his sexual excitement and release throughout the day.
He might experience an inability to get an erection at times but with good communication and trust you should be able to get a healthier sex life together.
If he does not see he has a problem or does not want to work on it, you should look elsewhere for a relationship.
There are plenty of good men who will love to ravish you instead of themselves!

Good fortune!


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## manticore

it depends how often he does it?

if he does it once in a while is normal, if he does it every day even the days you have sex, then is weird.

also men without sexual partner do it frecuently.


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## ConanHub

manticore said:


> it depends how often he does it?
> 
> if he does it once in a while is normal, if he does it every day even the days you have sex, then is weird.
> 
> also men without sexual partner do it frecuently.


He comes straight home from work to immediately watch porn and whack off ten minutes before a willing woman steps through the door.
Problem.
He should come home and be ready to sweep her off her feet when she gets home.


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## NovellaBiers

Does he have sex with you when you come home? If yes, it is possible he does it to last longer ie. to not ejaculate "early".


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## soulseer

no
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonnabealright

Smack him on the wanker and tell him to quit jerking off! Suggest to him to not use porn for a month and your concerned about it and you want to see how and if he can go without it. Be forwarned he will be very horny if he masterbates daily. 

If you really don't like him not using porn at all, this is a good way to get him off of it entirely. If he was going without sex for a long time, he has reprogrammed his brain, but if you two are open and honest about it it should be an easy fix to get his brain to only be turned on by you.


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## OhGeesh

familygirl said:


> I have posted this in another forum - i think this forum is where it should be!
> 
> Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?
> 
> My guy says Im his everything but looks at porn and jacks off - even straight after work when he comes home - ten minutes before I get home!
> 
> I fail to see the logic here
> 
> Honest answer please


Yes, it is!! I think the people that say no either are much older, rewrote history, didn't have internet porn when they were younger, or are just not very perverted/sexual people.......churchy could fall in there too.

I am around alot of college aged guys and all of them watch tons of porn..........every day, in groups, it's so non chalant, "Damn dude look at this chic ride this 12" ****", etc etc.

I'm not saying it's right, but I am saying it's pretty normal. I actually argue that daily porn is just as bad as a ONS and worse than a EA, but most don't like to hear that.


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## AgentD

To the OP, he may see it as being normal especially if he loves it and it's his thing. If you feel your relationship is suffering from it then ask him to choose. 
If he chooses porn then you didn't need him anyway. If he chooses you but continues to use after he knows you don't care for it then you don't need him either. He's likely
Showing you where is priorities are at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NovellaBiers

It's not normal to watch porn in a new exciting relationship. Something is wrong here. How can you "love" and just watch porn if you have a real woman next to you instead?


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## FalconKing

He is addicted to porn. It's his release(speaking from experience). It's his way of relaxing himself or getting a buzz when the day is done. A lot of men are like this but down play it as something that's casual and not really a big deal. I bet he doesn't even realize he has a problem.


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## As'laDain

just tell him you will drop him if he doesnt start having sex with you. 

do i think that is unusual that he uses porn? no, its pretty common.
that doesnt make it fair to you if he ignores your needs. 

would i use porn? i really cant say. maybe? i wouldnt turn down real sex though, especially not with a new woman.
maybe he has performance issues?


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## As'laDain

FalconKing said:


> He is addicted to porn. It's his release(speaking from experience). It's his way of relaxing himself or getting a buzz when the day is done. A lot of men are like this but down play it as something that's casual and not really a big deal. I bet he doesn't even realize he has a problem.


very possible.


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## jaffacake

Speaking from my own experience, my husband is addicted to porn. He watches the videos or photos everyday, and pleasures himself with them. When a "real" woman is in front of him, willing to have fun, he can't do it anymore. 
So I would say, it is definitely a red flag.


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## nuclearnightmare

OhGeesh said:


> Yes, it is!! I think the people that say no either are much older, rewrote history, didn't have internet porn when they were younger, or are just not very perverted/sexual people.......churchy could fall in there too.
> 
> I am around alot of college aged guys and all of them watch tons of porn..........every day, in groups, it's so non chalant, "Damn dude look at this chic ride this 12" ****", etc etc.
> 
> I'm not saying it's right, but I am saying it's pretty normal. I actually argue that daily porn is just as bad as a ONS and worse than a EA, but most don't like to hear that.


I think you are smarter than this vis-a-vis a ONS VS porn. Difference between fantasizing about someone and actually doing it with them - no comparison


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## FalconKing

I once talked to my friends about pornography and how I wanted to stop looking at it. They look at it too. Some more than me. But when I mentioned it to them they looked at me like "what's the big deal?" That's how accepted it is. I once told a friend of mine how when i'm stressed out about something I look at porn to get my "high" or "buzz". He told me he did the same thing but he didn't feel it was a problem. I really do feel this behavior is typical. 

I want to add though, sometimes people look at porn because the are aroused by something that is absent from their relationship. For example, my girlfriend despite being very wonderful to me cares very little about manicures or pedicures. These actually turn me. Sometimes she dogs her feet out so bad that I actually offer to scrub them for her. Pedicures she's gotten I have paid for and one she got because I asked her for my birthday. I just think it looks classy and sexy on a woman for me. Now i've kinda given up mentioning it. It doesn't bother her so why should I keep nagging her about something that is my problem? So sometimes when i'm on the net I might see a celebrity all dolled up and then slowly this causes a chain reaction the progresses to me looking at porn. I know how pathetic this all sounds. But then again, addicts are never satisfied and sometimes make reasons to get high.


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## Shoto1984

It seems a bit much to be making a clinical diagnosis after a five line post on the internet.

OP, is everything else in the relationship good? He could have issues with porn. He could have issues with sex. He could just be a HD person and this is the way he's made it work up till now. This aside...are your needs being met?


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## U.E. McGill

Dr oz had a good video series on it. The OP does not divulge enough info

His series for a quick summary said "it can be a good tool to enhance a healthy sex life. It can be a problem if performance issues start to occur"

Shame on all of you who make a claim one way or the other, especially with out clarity in the information given. 

OP is it a problem in your relationship? Has he turned you down? Have you turned him down?

I had a girl get furious with me for finding porn. But she was the one who always put conditions on it. Basically had to be Saturday 2 glasses of wine and just showered. No spontaneity, no originality. But she was mad at me for taking care of business when she wouldn't?


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## ConanHub

U.E. McGill said:


> Shame on all of you who make a claim one way or the other, especially with out clarity in the information given.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Keep the shame. Many of us are simply speaking from and sharing our experiences witch is what this forum is about.
> 
> Miss Froggie and others have simply shared their experiences with OP and all of us and I greatly appreciate ALL views given.
> 
> Also, you do not know just who might be lurking behind these anonymous forum names.
> 
> Some of us have some pretty significant I.Q. and or years of research as well.
> 
> Btw, I appreciate your story as well.


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## WorkingOnMe

I would strongly suspect that the new relationship isn't all that exciting.


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## Wing Man

familygirl said:


> I have posted this in another forum - i think this forum is where it should be!
> 
> Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?
> 
> My guy says Im his everything but looks at porn and jacks off - even straight after work when he comes home - ten minutes before I get home!
> 
> I fail to see the logic here
> 
> Honest answer please


Nooooo. I am a porn watcher and enjoy it, but I didn't get back into it until after a few years into my marriage when things cooled down and my wife began coming up with excuses.


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## nuclearnightmare

familygirl said:


> I have posted this in another forum - i think this forum is where it should be!
> 
> Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?
> 
> My guy says Im his everything but looks at porn and jacks off - even straight after work when he comes home - ten minutes before I get home!
> 
> I fail to see the logic here
> 
> Honest answer please


does he view a lot of porn during the week, on the weekends? does he ever stay up late, or all night, on the computer or on a tablet? how long have you guys been living together?

_Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?_
if he is in fact addicted to internet porn, a new and exciting relationship might have him cut down for awhile, but I think like any addiction it is a person's way of escaping from some sort of deep-seeded emotional pain. i.e. another form of self medication, like alcohol. So his new relationship will not address the core problem, and the addiction will continue. If he is addicted then either some type of therapy or medication, or both, will be needed to recover.


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## ankh

familygirl said:


> I have posted this in another forum - i think this forum is where it should be!
> 
> Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?
> 
> My guy says Im his everything but looks at porn and jacks off - even straight after work when he comes home - ten minutes before I get home!
> 
> I fail to see the logic here
> 
> Honest answer please


I believe this is about BALANCE. I will explain why.
if he is viewing porn and masturbating and avoiding sex with you, then, as others have stated, he is addicted and needs help. If though he views it when you aren't around occasionally, but gives it all to you when he's with you then it may not be bad. This presupposes that he isn't masturbating his life away, avoiding work and other needful things. 

Viewed another way, if I came home to find my wife with her favorite toy, jilling and having fun, whether viewing porn, or chatting or just from her own imagination, I'd likely stand or sit and watch her getting off, not angry but glad she was enjoying herself.


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## radrobe

This is very common with men in their 20s. They grew up in their formative teen years with porn at their disposal on a daily basis. He may have been doing this daily for the past 15 years and this probably is no reflection on his feelings for you.

Do I think its healthy? Absolutely not. It messes his head up. When I used to use porn it had very negative effects on my psyche, my ability to have intimacy with women, and ultimately my overall happiness.

What are some ways he can deal with it? When I weened off of porn, I had some naked photos of my wife that I used to use in place of porn. I eventually moved beyond that. I still occasionally masturbate and even rarely, I use porn, but its not the centerpiece in my life that it once was. If I never saw it again, I don't think it would effect me.

Is it affecting his sexual performance?


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## richie33

Question is why are you still in this relationship?


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## hawkeye

i don't get the big deal. As long as he's not substituting porn for actual sex, what's the problem?


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## familygirl

MissFroggie said:


> 1. The OP has not been back to make comment or say anything new.
> 2. How does the OP know he does this 10 mins before she gets home? Maybe he told her - unlikely but possible...maybe he has rejected her...possible...HOW does she know this????
> 3. I absolutely DID NOT make any diagnoses and I didn't even advise on what I think the OP should do - I simply told my experience of how porn affected a previous relationship and what MY boundaries are now.
> 4. I know that for some people just the idea of their partner watching other women can be a turn-off and make them feel like they have to compete - is this an issue or is there a more physical problem...either way the OP does not sound okay with this or why post at all?
> 5. I'd like to hear back from the OP and know how she even knows he does this and what the affect of it is to their relationship - sexually and psychologically....


Sexually - It dosnt seem to affect him - it affects me though and puts me off. Psycologically - Upsetting and lowers my self esteem. Finaly, I know he done this because he told me so. I had an issue with his lying and on this occasion he came forward with the truth. Altough he doesnt have any explanation for doing this.


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## familygirl

Jamison said:


> How old are you both? He sounds young and not ready for a real relationship.


late thirties


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## familygirl

NovellaBiers said:


> Does he have sex with you when you come home? If yes, it is possible he does it to last longer ie. to not ejaculate "early".


unfortunatly no


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## familygirl

Shoto1984 said:


> It seems a bit much to be making a clinical diagnosis after a five line post on the internet.
> 
> OP, is everything else in the relationship good? He could have issues with porn. He could have issues with sex. He could just be a HD person and this is the way he's made it work up till now. This aside...are your needs being met?


Hi , if you read my other posts, that should make things clear


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## familygirl

U.E. McGill said:


> Dr oz had a good video series on it. The OP does not divulge enough info
> 
> His series for a quick summary said "it can be a good tool to enhance a healthy sex life. It can be a problem if performance issues start to occur"
> 
> Shame on all of you who make a claim one way or the other, especially with out clarity in the information given.
> 
> OP is it a problem in your relationship? Has he turned you down? Have you turned him down?
> 
> I had a girl get furious with me for finding porn. But she was the one who always put conditions on it. Basically had to be Saturday 2 glasses of wine and just showered. No spontaneity, no originality. But she was mad at me for taking care of business when she wouldn't?


I think i have refused him once- i am very sexually attracted to him. More than previous relationships. He has refused more times than me - but not a great deal if im honest


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## familygirl

WorkingOnMe said:


> I would strongly suspect that the new relationship isn't all that exciting.


I think you could be right. If you read my other posts you would probably agree that he was on the rebound - we met 2 months after he split from his wife of five years after finding out she had an affair.


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## familygirl

nuclearnightmare said:


> does he view a lot of porn during the week, on the weekends? does he ever stay up late, or all night, on the computer or on a tablet? how long have you guys been living together?
> 
> _Would you look at porn and relieve yourselves even if you were in a new exciting relationship with a new girl?_
> if he is in fact addicted to internet porn, a new and exciting relationship might have him cut down for awhile, but I think like any addiction it is a person's way of escaping from some sort of deep-seeded emotional pain. i.e. another form of self medication, like alcohol. So his new relationship will not address the core problem, and the addiction will continue. If he is addicted then either some type of therapy or medication, or both, will be needed to recover.


He only ever done porn when i was out. He moved in with me a few months after meeting. we have now been together 3 years


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## familygirl

radrobe said:


> This is very common with men in their 20s. They grew up in their formative teen years with porn at their disposal on a daily basis. He may have been doing this daily for the past 15 years and this probably is no reflection on his feelings for you.
> 
> Do I think its healthy? Absolutely not. It messes his head up. When I used to use porn it had very negative effects on my psyche, my ability to have intimacy with women, and ultimately my overall happiness.
> 
> What are some ways he can deal with it? When I weened off of porn, I had some naked photos of my wife that I used to use in place of porn. I eventually moved beyond that. I still occasionally masturbate and even rarely, I use porn, but its not the centerpiece in my life that it once was. If I never saw it again, I don't think it would effect me.
> 
> Is it affecting his sexual performance?


Doesnt seem to affect his performance


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## manticore

mmm, maybe he have a really high sex drive, as long as don't affect your sex life (in frecuency and satisfaction) I see no problem, I, during all my realtionships have relieve myself with porn once in a while. wrote this in another thread:



manticore said:


> Is not a problem, all the men do it, and no man have stopped doing it since teenager, let me be brutally honest with you here about facts related to masturbation and men.
> As other users have told you is a stress reliever and anger reliever, serotonin released by the brain help in this two situations.
> 
> It help us to sleep, in my case i jog in the afternoons , but if for some reason i skip my rutine and I can't have sex that day i feel just too much energy and masturbation works just fine.
> So why don't we look for our partners to have sex, well, we take in consideration our girls/women circunstances, you may be too tired or already sleeping (as your husband told you) and when you care/love someone you don't impose your selfish desires on them, also sometimes (in my case when i need it for the lack of excercise) whe want something quick, 5 minutes and pum ready to bed.
> 
> You may not like this one but is true, It help us to be loyal, i love my long haired brunette girl, physically, intellectually and emotionally is my dream girl, but i have this fantasy to be with a black woman (I never had the chance or never persued it) any way every 2 or 3 full moons i take my computer look for porn where a beautifull black woman is the main character and all fixed no need to risk my 3 year relationship for a ONS or something deeper.
> 
> Porn is not that evil, all the men i know from my generation and younger (i am 31) use it, and i mean married and in LTR men, again as other user told you is about fantasy, you may never agree for a three some, you may not like getting a facial, you may not like anal, so this kind of fantasies are deal with porn, i dont have the madonna complex but i am not gonna force my girlfriend to do things she dont like, i may suggest and put a little presure, but if a see a total rejection then i just stop.
> Maybe the only time when you can get angry at him is when he denies sex to you but he still masturbating himself. (we are talking long periods of time).
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry but is a private thing, so it gonna kept happening, the idea of offering you to help it with it is nice and will be well received by him. But for many of the reasons i just mentioned we like to do it ourselves.
> 
> Also talk to him, let him know that you are aware now that is something natural, free him from the promise to not do it again because if you not, he will lie to you and do it again (making him feel more guilty and ashamed that you may find) or he will resent you from taking from him something natural that all other men do, ask him to be more carefull if you still can't cope with the idea o him doing it.
> 
> so is like this.



also I leave you the Thread, for you to understand how we men see this subject, I hope it helps you

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...and-masturbating-how-am-i-supposed-react.html


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## familygirl

richie33 said:


> Question is why are you still in this relationship?


We have a child together and one on the way. if you read my other posts you will see he does have other GOOD qualities. I gave him the benifit of the doubt


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## familygirl

hawkeye said:


> i don't get the big deal. As long as he's not substituting porn for actual sex, what's the problem?



the big deal for me is that he admitted this week that he finds porn girls fitter and younger and more attractive. Personally if I masterbate I think of him only.

My esteem has been hit. I cant see the fairness in his act


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## PBear

familygirl said:


> the big deal for me is that he admitted this week that he finds porn girls fitter and younger and more attractive. Personally if I masterbate I think of him only.
> 
> My esteem has been hit. I cant see the fairness in his act


First off, I'll preface this by saying that if he was here posting, I'd suggest he knock off the porn, or at least cut it way back, because it's bothering you and causing a problem in your relationship. But he's not here. So I can only give you things to think about...

Did he admit to it after you asked him, or did he volunteer the information?

Has he watched porn right from the beginning of your relationship, or is this a more recent thing?

Has he admitted to thinking about other women while having sex with you?

I find that there's a significant number of "girls" who are fitter, younger, and more attractive than my SO. That doesn't mean that I love her any less, or that I think less of her as a sexual partner, or any other negative thing that you can imagine. It's just a statement of fact. I'm sure that she sees guys that are better looking than me, more in shape, etc. I don't let that bother me, aside from doing what I can to look good for her. She might even think about them while we're having sex... But as long as I'm the one having awesome sex with her, I'm not inclined to ask questions I might not want to hear the answers to...

C


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## Theseus

familygirl said:


> the big deal for me is that he admitted this week that he finds porn girls fitter and younger and more attractive. Personally if I masterbate I think of him only.
> 
> My esteem has been hit. I cant see the fairness in his act



Attractiveness isn't a zero sum game, like a limited amount of money to go around. If he finds other women attractive, that doesn't mean he finds you any less attractive. 

Anyway, he's going to find other women attractive whether he masturbates to porn or not. It may seem "unfair" to you, but men and women often look at these things differently. 

If it's not affecting your sex life, then it seriously isn't a problem. Really. Not everyone here believes porn is an actual addiction.

I once dated a woman who masturbated four times a day. There's no way I would tell her to stop... who knows how many other men she would mess around with if I cut off that source of pleasure lol


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## AgentD

Thats great that he has other good qualities you like, however, if this is a main issue for you now, it likely will continue to be later on. And there you will sit with two kids and he will still be doing what hes doing. Take some time to think long and hard about what may or may not be a deal breaker for you.


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## WorkingOnMe

For me personally it has a lot to do with trust. If my wife is supposed to be my sole sexual outlet, then I have to trust that she'll use that power in my favor. But she has proven over and over that if I allow her that power, she will use it to neglect me. So I no longer trust her with that power. So I use porn most days and she get's the leftovers. I'd love it if that were reversed, and it's been that way for short periods but never long term. So ya, bottom line, I don't trust her with my needs.


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## nuclearnightmare

familygirl said:


> Sexually - It dosnt seem to affect him - it affects me though and puts me off. *Psycologically - Upsetting and lowers my self esteem.* Finaly, I know he done this because he told me so. I had an issue with his lying and on this occasion he came forward with the truth. Altough he doesnt have any explanation for doing this.



OP:
it is not cheating but for some women their partner viewing porn is a 'boundary' issue, as other posters here have alluded. i.e. him doing this leaves you feeling sad, demeaned, devalued. It is because he is directing too much of his sexual 'energy' toward something other than you.

Porn had been an issue in my marriage. my wife feels exactly as you do. If I was to imagine her being a frequent porn user, I have to admit that my feelings would end up prety much where hers were, and where yours are. So porn use is a boundary for her, and with a susbstantial effort on my part I've now been able to behave in a way that conforms to that boundary.
(I was without question addicted to internet porn. a combination of medication, and especially IC, has enabled me to finally get it under control).

This is another example of 'boundaries' being particular to the couple - a boundary for one set of partners may not be for another set. but sounds like for you it is a boundary issue. I believe it is a reasonable one.


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## Shoto1984

So it doesn't effect his performance, you both get sex when you want it most of the time, he's got generally good qualities AND you have a child with him and another on the way. Could it be that HD behavior is clashing with you going through a pregnancy and the body issues, emotions etc that go with that? There's a lot that could be going on here and you two need to be able to communicate in a way that is productive.


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## FormerSelf

Some may say that this is going off the deep end...but this could be a red flag for something down the road. It is not uncommon for men to masturbate to porn...it is a quick stress release for many...but it is also is an addictive habit for many as well...I won't say all. 

But if someone is addicted, it will lead to other things, for within the process of addiction is a need to ramp up the high when the thrill that works now may not work later...and that could mean more time devoted to porn, or moving onto more personally interactive porn or more graphic material...or crossing over into the grounds of risky sex behavior.

What is really important is for you to get very clear with yourself over what you will be okay with and NOT okay with. If you find that for your health that you think he needs to set a certain boundary, then it is important that he is willing with work with you. If she shrugs it off when he knows you are struggling with an issue...then that is a problem. If you guys move ahead, but you notice slight changes in his sexual behavior...such as miming what he sees in porn, suggests a third party, or maybe he just loses interest in you altogether...then it could be that porn is starting to have a negative effect. Also if it seems that he is depressed,antsy, or irritable more than usual when he isn't on the computer may reflect a porn dependency. Not saying that this is in your future...just pointing out some possible signs. But most importantly, you ought to feel free to talk about this with him...and not get any bs behavior on his part to try to back you off. But if he is open and honest about things...then take advantage and get it all out in the air...so you can really better define your sexual relationship.


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## familygirl

MissFroggie said:


> Okay, I'm a bit confused. In your OP you wrote that this was 'a new exciting relationship with a new girl' but since then you've posted that you have been together 3 years, have one child and another on the way and have been living together from very early in the relationship (2 months in) so have been living together about 3 years. This is hardly a new relationship and it doesn't make sense to me to describe it as such. If this was going on from the start then why is it suddenly a problem? Has it increased, has your contact within the relationship changed?
> 
> You also said that you found out because you were sick of the lying and challenged him so he admitted to it. In my mind I have a bigger issue with the lying than the porn itself (and you know from my previous post what I think of that as my own personal boundary). Has he been lying from the start or is this new behaviour? Isn't this more of a deal-breaker than anything else could be? What is he lying about?
> 
> You also say that it doesn't affect his performance but that he doesn't have sex with you when you get in and that is 'unfortunate'. Surely NOT having sex with you when you want it because he's just seen to himself means IT IS affecting performance? He is doing this instead of being with you.
> 
> I understand that it is making you feel insecure and upset, but I am really confused by the mixed up versions of what is going on here. You say it's a new and exciting relationship then change that to a LT relationship, living together for years and with kids, then you say he rejects you for sex but it's not affecting his performance etc. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe if you start being straight about the situation with yourself you'll be able to see things more clearly? Face the fact this is not a new and exciting relationship and he is already bored and checking out? He lies, he rejects you, he was on the rebound etc etc...I get it that you jumped into a relationship and now have kids, but I really think you need to start being honest with yourself that this is neither new or exciting and maybe you made a mistake jumping in so fast. If not for the kids it would be easy to just up and leave, but if you want to give it a shot then you really need to talk through the issues and see if you can work on them together. MC perhaps? Or is it all too new and exciting to consider that? I am so confused!


First of all. The porn began at the very start of our relationship - which then he classed our relationship as 'exciting'.
He still uses porn - to which i can understand - 3 years into a relationship - maybe hes bored. I could never understand the reasons for the porn at the beginning though. Thats why I posed the question. 'If you were in a new exiting relationship...' etc. I am starting to question myself did he ever like me. Sorry I should have made this clear. Hope this clears things up for you.


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## notmarriedyet

familygirl said:


> First of all. The porn began at the very start of our relationship - which then he classed our relationship as 'exciting'.
> He still uses porn - to which i can understand - 3 years into a relationship - maybe hes bored. I could never understand the reasons for the porn at the beginning though. Thats why I posed the question. 'If you were in a new exiting relationship...' etc. I am starting to question myself did he ever like me. Sorry I should have made this clear. Hope this clears things up for you.



I could have written that post myself. 
About two months into my current two year relationship I opened his iPod (for one of my kids to use - with my fiances permission) thank heaven I opened it too - there was a porn site left open. 

The night before I wanted to be frisky - he said it was sore. 

Like you said, I will never understand why he chose to do that instead of me, in our new, "exciting" shoulda been doing it like rabbits stage of our relationship. It crushed me, but I got over it and made excuses in my own head. 

Several months later I discovered the true extent of it, which was A LOT. 

It was getting wayyyyyyyyyyyy way more attention than I was. 

And he lied, and his, and snuck, and lied lied lied. 

As of today we've worked thru a lot of issues. 

Do I trust him now? No. I hate it. 
I go back and forth between planning a wedding or an exit strategy. Because of porn alone? No, no, no. 

Because of lies and mistrust mostly. 

A woman's gut is hardly ever wrong. I can tell when he's having his porn, I can tell when he'd prefer me. And it ain't often that I win (I feel). 

Even when we are intimate lately, it's like he's not present. He rarely gets hard easily. Sex lasts 2 minutes. Classic signs of desensitization. 

Sigh. 

I feel your pain. Like I said, I could have written your post myself. Sorry, I know just how you feel and it's a very awful feeling. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

I wish more men could be honest before we fall in love with them, start building a life, etc. IMHO we have the right to know what we are up against. It's not a fair fight if we aren't aware. Then we are the bad guy for taking away the porn. 

Double sigh, end rant. Sorry!!!!


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## Tasty

I think your guy is addicted and that puts your relation in danger list today...and broken tomorrow.
Porn has a way of taking over the real thing and creating a make-believe world. 
He is seeing 'perfect' bodies and 'willing' ladies on the screen. And you are no match. But the truth is that the bodies are 'cleaned' (is it airbrushed) and the girls trained to do take men.
If you don't stop him, he will 'grow' to the next level of doing something weird with you. Have you heard of rape, beastiality, dacryphilia etc? They are all being promoted by porn. 
Going forward, start to do the things he wants, that is be porn to him. Make your self good and sweet first. How? Read more on Husband Cheating With Pornography and www.cheatinghusbandsecrets.com/*****.html


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