# In need of some advice



## amontgomery (May 1, 2014)

I'm three years into a marriage. I got married at 21, young I know. Ever since I have been with my husband it has been an uphill battle. I'm going to try to make this short and sweet.. For starters, his dad's side of the family does not like me. I attended school with his step-sister and she hated me because I was a 'loser'. Secondly, we fight all the time. I feel as though he is never happy no matter what I do. My friends have even asked me what makes him happy. He doesn't like a lot of my friends or their significant others because he thinks they are 'dorks'. He believe he is so above everybody in the world. He constantly makes fun of my BEST FRIEND behind her back because she is fat. Even though I have begged him to stop and explained how good of a friend she is. He would not allow me to go to the tanning bed, gym, or get my hair done when we first started dating. I have since then told him that was unacceptable. When he drinks he gets very angry and used to break things and fight all the time. He still does this from time to time. I am an animal lover, he hates animals and even told me he was going to kill them one night when he was drunk. He has tried to fight my dad. Luckily my dad is a great man and very forgiving so now they have a good relationship. I have had severe panic and anxiety disorder and it has gotten worse since being with him. He is unpredictable and explosive. He dictates every move I make. He does drive by s to make sure I am where I say I am. If I need space and want to alone he finds me, some way or another. If I spend $30 at meijer, he knows 2 seconds later because he constantly keeps tabs on me. I'm just so unhappy, and I have been for a very long time. My anxiety holds me back so much. But I have recently gotten on medication which has really helped, I'm SO thankful. We have tried counseling but he always thinks the counselors are stupid. I have seen a counselor over a year every two weeks at least and he makes fun of her and puts her down every time I go. He demands I tell him everything we talked about. But, when I want to leave him, it's like he won't let me. He grabs on for dear life and claims he's a changed man. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Sometimes I feel so confused and alone.


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

He sounds very controlling. Do not let him cut you off from your friends and family because that's what abusers to do isolate their victims. 

What makes him happy ? How about what makes YOU happy ? His happiness is not something you should be shouldering. He has to make himself happy by changing his attitude not you. Never burden yourself by being their happiness and don't make him shoulder that responsibility either.

As far as him making fun of your friends, just tell him you will not be taking part of this immature conversation and you find it hurtful, then tune him out if he keeps going or just walk away. 

As for you want to leave him? Do you really want to do that or not ? 

If you are going to stay ... he needs go to counselling for his problems or this is just going to be the same cycle and you don't want to keep going in circles for the rest of your life.

As for his sister... nothing you can do about her but ignore her since she keeps calling you names. Sounds like their parents never raised them to behave properly and let them grow up thinking they are better then everyone else...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all.

Are you sure you want to be married to him? 

I see years and years of this unhealthy pattern in store for you unless he gets into some serious INDIVIDUAL counseling for his control issues. Forget marriage counseling for now, he has his own issues to work on. And from the sounds of it, he has no plans to get help, nor does he see HIMSELF as the problem in any way.

Frankly, your marriage doesn't sound like a marriage at all. More like he's your jailer.


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## amontgomery (May 1, 2014)

I greatly appreciate the feedback. Sometime I think I'm being too hard on him and I second guess my feelings.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

My ex got to be like that. Made fun of everyone, had no empathy for anyone's struggles, thought he was better than everyone else and he refused to go to a MC because he said they'd only tell him to control his temper and that only 'weak' people went to counseling. It's no way to live. Eventually he got physically abusive.

It's not OK for him to treat you like this. Life with him will be much more stressful and anxiety ridden than life without him.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> My ex got to be like that. Made fun of everyone, had no empathy for anyone's struggles, thought he was better than everyone else and he refused to go to a MC because he said they'd only tell him to control his temper and that only 'weak' people went to counseling. It's no way to live. Eventually he got physically abusive.
> 
> It's not OK for him to treat you like this. Life with him will be much more stressful and anxiety ridden than life without him.


This.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you need drugs to be able to live in your marriage, there is something seriously wrong.

The way he is treating you is not love, it's abuse and control.



amontgomery said:


> But, when I want to leave him, it's like he won't let me. He grabs on for dear life and claims he's a changed man. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Sometimes I feel so confused and alone.


Even this behavior is abuse and control. It's not love. If you are going to leave him will you need to have a plan. It might be best to not tell him that you are leaving. Just you leave... and leave him a short letter telling him it's over. 

Can you move back in with your parents for a while?


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