# No sex drive !



## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

I have been with my girlfriend for 8 yrs. We never got married. When we met she was a drinker and drug user. She had a sex drive then ! I have worked many years to get her sober and transformed into a good person that i thought she could be. After she got sober she had no sex drive at all. I would basically have to beg or coerce her into it. Then she would just lay there and turn her head every time. Over the years it got to a point of routine , where she would lay down and I would perform oral on her for maybe 30 mins or more to get her to orgasm. When it was my turn she would give oral for about 20 secs and then lay back down and we would have sex. This has gone on for years exactly the same. I always have to ask and she always tries to ignore it till I just about have to pester her into it and then her response is " Well lets hurry up , I'm tired " or " If you want to ". Sometimes she wouldn't even want oral she would just say " Just get up here " in a negative tone. This has become so routine I forgot what it was like to be desired. We very rarely ever kiss because she eventually turns her head. Her friend once told me that my GF told her that she had to block me out when we have sex ! I have always taken care of her and use to buy her flowers and jewelry which she never seemed to appreciate so I just stopped wasting the money. 

Now for the crazy part ! Throughout our years she has left me and come back many times even though we have a son together which is 4 yrs old now. She stays out all night and has had different guys drop her off at the house in the past. She now has her own place due to her partying desire. Within 2 weeks of leaving my bed she is having sex with somebody. Then she comes back and then she does it again with anther guy. I have read messages on her phone from a guy that was wondering why that is all they do is have sex and nothing else ! Now she has left again and is not calling which means there is probably another guy in the picture again.

When we got together in the beginning , she said I was the only one that has ever made her orgasm which tell me that my sex isn't bad and have never had complaints before from other women. 

I do know that something sexual has happened in her past that she would never tell me about and has never got help for it. She has partied since she was 15yrs old and has been with many guys in that atmosphere. She stripped for a few years so I'm sure that has messed her up some. She is also a highly addictive person when it comes to pills, cocaine and drinking which she is aware of and has tried to quit.

What can/should I do ? I do love her but she just won't changed. me and my family have done everything to make her feel good about herself and show her love that she never got from her family. Now my son is being affected by this , since he has walked in on 2 guys in her bed in the past 12 months. If she doesn't like sex why does she find it elsewhere ?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

No sex drive my foot

She has issues but that isnt it

There is alot going on here.

I can only speculate but perhaps she is uncomfortable having sex unless she is high because of abuse, cant orgasm when high, but cant deal with reality when sober.

Maybe she is turned off by you for making her feel like she needed you to live sober.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> No sex drive my foot
> 
> She has issues but that isnt it
> 
> ...


Me and my family thinks she resents us all for having such a loving and supportive relationship , which she never had. I personally think it is self destructive punishment for her past. The better future we give her the worse it makes her past look.


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## kelevra (May 19, 2011)

Take your son and move on dude. Save the child , nothing comes before the children nothing. If she ever gets her sh1t together let her see him again .


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I understand you love her and try to be supportive but WTF? You need to let her go. Stop letting her back in. 
This has nothing to do with sex drive. She wants to go have her fun and do gawd knows what with who knows what. After she has had her fill for a couple of weeks she has you there with arms wide open for a secure place to be when she is tired of the life for now.
Have a little bit of respect for you and some protective instincts for your child. Don't let her do this sh!t.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

It sounds like you are in a very co-dependent relationship. She is not fit to be a mother right now, or a partner, from the sound of it. 

I would encourage you to get counseling and to sheild your son as best you can from his sick mother. This unstable, dysfunctional environment is no place for a child to grow up in.

You need your own help and I hope you can see this. It is a sickness in and of itself to invest all of yourself in someone else, especially when that person can't or won't give you anything back. For the sake of your son, figure out why you have stayed with someone like this and how to get away from her. Save yourself!


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