# A blokes insight would be fab..



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Well my H left me 3.5 months ago, he's still saying that he doesn't know what he wants, at the moment it's nothing, no relationship with anyone, our marriage nothing..

Well I decided enough was enough, after being coached by the amazing people on TAM, I told him that I was not going to try for us any more basically if he wants me he can come and get me when he's ready (cutting a very long story, very short)

Well yesterday was V Day as you all know. He didn't get me anything.. although I did get some flowers, I texted and asked if they were from him, but nope.. and he wasn't very amused.. and said had he had sent me flowers, he would have sent lillies.. (My fav)

I told him I got a V Day card and did he want to see and I sent him a silly text of a rubbish valentines card (txt) that I was sent as a joke and he got really funny about it, when I didn't respond straight away as to who it was from he sent me "So no telling who it's from then. Ok."

I asked him why he asked and was being funny and he said "Becauss I was being a d*ck and it's none of my concern." 

Is it me or is he seeming a tad jealous?

We are having dinner together on Friday as a reward for no R or A talk and us getting on better... He knows that I have given up on 'us' that I'll be here when he is ready to commit 100% He said he would like to watch tv sat next to me, snuggled up, without me reading too much into it? 

He left me for the OW, he is the one not wanting to work it out, although he is now saying he wants to see how it goes, he wants us to get on as friends and make the changes we need too. I am starting to feel good about myself, getting fitter going out with friends, some thing I think he is now thinking about more...

I feel like I am getting mixed signals, it's like he doesn't know if he wants me, but at the same time he doesn't want anyone else to have me....

Opinions Gentlemen plz... (and ladies of course)
x


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

In my opinion, yes, he's jealous. You getting flowers from someone else may have broke his fog a bit to realize that you are not always going to be there for him and that he has a real chance of losing everything.

Him wanting to keep spending time with you with no strings may be his way of testing the waters to see if things may work out with you...assuming there is no OW still in the picture.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> In my opinion, yes, he's jealous. You getting flowers from someone else may have broke his fog a bit to realize that you are not always going to be there for him and that he has a real chance of losing everything.
> 
> Him wanting to keep spending time with you with no strings may be his way of testing the waters to see if things may work out with you...assuming there is no OW still in the picture.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


His OW was in Austrailia, we live in the UK, yes he went and visited her, but its all fizzled out.

He is the one who says he doesn't know what he wants, but I've backed off, no more R chats. So should I just play it cool and cuddle up to him on the sofa, let him take the lead?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

With respect AmImad, sounds to me like you’re both looking for sexual intimacy. Obviously this can be good but at the same time it will not resolve the underlying issues between you, they’ll still be there after the intimacy. Suggest not going there and see what happens in the days that follow.

Bob


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

AFEH said:


> With respect AmImad, sounds to me like you’re both looking for sexual intimacy. Obviously this can be good but at the same time it will not resolve the underlying issues between you, they’ll still be there after the intimacy. Suggest not going there and see what happens in the days that follow.
> 
> Bob


Thank you for your response, but no, this is really not the case, he has even said it would just complicate things. He's trying to sort himself out and what he wants. 

The goal for this week was for us just to get on, with no rows, no relationship talk, in the past 3.5months we haven't made it through one week yet!


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## coops (Jan 24, 2011)

Opinion of this bloke is you're wasting your time cause hes just not that into you and its not going to change. Men are not complicated. Unless you were horrific to be around, cheated on him or did something that causes a severe trust issue in your relationship, then the answer is hes is just not that into you. 

I highly suggest moving on. I don't mean moving on with hopes that you'll get him back. Doing so might manipulate him back into the relationship but it sounds like hes just not that attracted to you which means long term it'll just fail again. 

So when I suggest moving on, really move on. No more talking and time to find another guy. I doubt you'll be ready for that based on what you said, but that's the opinion of this bloke =p


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

coops said:


> Opinion of this bloke is you're wasting your time cause hes just not that into you and its not going to change. Men are not complicated. Unless you were horrific to be around, cheated on him or did something that causes a severe trust issue in your relationship, then the answer is hes is just not that into you.
> 
> I highly suggest moving on. I don't mean moving on with hopes that you'll get him back. Doing so might manipulate him back into the relationship but it sounds like hes just not that attracted to you which means long term it'll just fail again.
> 
> So when I suggest moving on, really move on. No more talking and time to find another guy. I doubt you'll be ready for that based on what you said, but that's the opinion of this bloke =p


Well there were issues in our relationship, not ones you've described, but issues all the same. And yes he did have an EA which then led on to a brief 'Holiday romance pa' 

But if he isn't that into me, why not say he just wants a divorce? Why tell me he is still attracted to me and will flirt with me? Just because we've agreed not to be f*ck buddies doesn't mean he doesn't fancy me.

Also he has said whilst we are seperated he is going to be 100% faithful..

But thanks for your opinion!


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