# A Problem



## tyringtomakeit (Jan 17, 2013)

Hi! I am just looking to see if anybody has been in the situation that I find myself. My husband and I decided to try a different lifestyle with our sex life. I won't say we are an open marriage or totally swingers but it's kind like that. We met a couple that had an open marriage and became fast friends and started swapping. It's been a lot of fun and has been going on for sometime where we swap 1-2 times a week ususally. I guess you can say that we have been exclusive with this couple and it's given us the openness and excitement that we all were looking for. 

So the problem...I just found out I'm pregnant! I want to be excited about this new life growing in me but the consequences are what's keeping me from being so. 

My husband has had a vasectomy. So I know that it's not his. I have told everybody that's involved. And we are trying to decide what to do. Abortion is not an option for me...this baby did nothing wrong and I couldn't do that. I'd like for us to work out a situation where everybody can be involved (kinda like a divorced couple does with kids) I'm not sure I could give up the baby if asked to do so. My husband is trying to be supportive but it's a lot to take in and ask of him. And the other wife is being supportive as she can be as well...she's excited at time and depressed at times. I feel like this is all my fault and yes condoms were always used!! 

Any advice would be appreciated! If someone else has been in this situation please help. We each have children too.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

A marriage is between 2 people, not four and I can see a lot of resentment being built up between the two couples after the child is born. The fun and the games are now over. Child support issues, raising the child issues, visitation issues the problems go on and on. This situation is bad from end to end. My feeling is that this situation could ultimately end your marriage. While I'm not a fan of abortion either, it may be your only good option and you should give it serious consideration. The other thing you need to do is stop having sex with other men.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> A marriage is between 2 people, not four and I can see a lot of resentment being built up between the two couples after the child is born. The fun and the games are now over. Child support issues, raising the child issues, visitation issues the problems go on and on. This situation is bad from end to end. My feeling is that this situation could ultimately end your marriage. While I'm not a fan of abortion either, it may be your only good option and you should give it serious consideration. The other thing you need to do is stop having sex with other men.


Another possibility is putting the baby up for adoption. This way the baby will be placed with a couple or single person that truly wants it & doesn't have the issues you posted about.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Emerald said:


> Another possibility is putting the baby up for adoption. This way the baby will be placed with a couple or single person that truly wants it & doesn't have this issues you posted about.


Certainly that's another option


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Have your husband tested first. There IS a chance he has swimmers, although a small chance. I know two people who were "accidents" due to vasectomy. Not likely, but there IS a small chance.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I have to agree with Middleman that this may end your marriage and definitely will introduce some issues about child support. 

You'll have to decide whether you're able to be committed to your child as a single person who doesn't get child support because this could be your worst case scenario.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

I love happy endings. 

I vote for adoption.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> Have your husband tested first. There IS a chance he has swimmers, although a small chance. I know two people who were "accidents" due to vasectomy. Not likely, but there IS a small chance.


I've had one 20 years ago after my daughter was born. Never had an accident.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> I've had one 20 years ago after my daughter was born. Never had an accident.


I have had one and there has been no accident. But there is a possibility of a failed vasectomy. Have your husband tested? Based on the result you can have a paternity test done in utero. 

Word of advice:

Fvcked up decisions have fvcked up consequences.


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## tyringtomakeit (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm not aborting my baby or putting it up for adoption. Fortunately for me all things are going well! Baby is progressing. My husband is on board with having the baby and is moving forward with me. The father and his wife are both excited about us all sharing this experience together. God gave me this baby for a reason and tho I don't know what that is I'm going to stay on this path and find out. There are going to be 2 new mom's and 2 new dad's and 4 older brothers. I am going to welcome this new life with open arms. Everybody knows where I stand and I know where they stand and we all have been open and honest with each other from the beginning. WE have become great friends and now we have an even closer bond. I respect all of your own opinions and and advice...thank you! 

P.S. My husband and the baby will be tested just to be sure...never know.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Allrighty then. Good luck.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Can I make a guess here....West Coast?


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

If you truly want to secure this babys furure I suggest that you prove paternity, and ask the other man to give up ALL legal rights.
Talk to a lawyer!

So that you and your husband can adopt and raise the child as your own.

If you dont want to do this because you dont want to offend or lose the other couple than you are really not putting the baby first!

As long as you are friends they can be a part of the childs life.

Friendships come and go, eventually your sawapping with a child involved will result in one of you leaving for the other, or you will have a falling out, happens all the time and the baby will suffer.

BTW it takes me just as long to drive to either coast, so what do I know!


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## tyringtomakeit (Jan 17, 2013)

Decorum said:


> If you truly want to secure this babys furure I suggest that you prove paternity, and ask the other man to give up ALL legal rights.
> Talk to a lawyer!
> 
> 
> ...


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Troll IMO.

I recommend adoption. How do you explain yourselves to the child later?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Good luck to you.

You may want to consider therapy for your child. Even though you seem to fully embrace the idea of this alternative lifestyle, unless you live in a commune or polygamy community, your child may be confused or teased when he is in school.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Wow....this is an interesting story. I've heard of couples spicing up their sex life in this way....even knew a couple that did this, but never heard of this happening. 

I think it would be great if this could all work out with the other couple, but I would be afraid that there will be differences in parenting styles and what you each want for the baby. I think giving up the baby for adoption would be hard, but it may be better for the baby in the long run. If you don't give up your rights and he doesn't give up his rights, then this child may be torn between all of you when you come to a disagreement.

I wish the best for you and really admire your courage in putting this out there and asking for advice. I think you need to weigh all of your options and also discuss all of these options with the other couple or at least the father of the baby.

I'm curious to know what will happen here.

Best wishes!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

tyringtomakeit said:


> I'm not aborting my baby or putting it up for adoption. Fortunately for me all things are going well! Baby is progressing. My husband is on board with having the baby and is moving forward with me. The father and his wife are both excited about us all sharing this experience together. God gave me this baby for a reason and tho I don't know what that is I'm going to stay on this path and find out. There are going to be 2 new mom's and 2 new dad's and 4 older brothers. I am going to welcome this new life with open arms. Everybody knows where I stand and I know where they stand and we all have been open and honest with each other from the beginning. WE have become great friends and now we have an even closer bond. I respect all of your own opinions and and advice...thank you!
> 
> P.S. My husband and the baby will be tested just to be sure...never know.


You should all move in together, start a compound! My two moms AND my two dads..poor child!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Well...the dude broke the cardinal rule of swinging ~ SAFE SEX!

No matter how well you thought you knew the couple, this is only one of many reasons to follow that rule.

Whatcha gonna do?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> Well...the dude broke the cardinal rule of swinging ~ SAFE SEX!
> 
> No matter how well you thought you knew the couple, this is only one of many reasons to follow that rule.
> 
> Whatcha gonna do?


And I guess she was not on the pill. Right.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I wonder how this will be explained to the children that are already part of these separate families. How confusing for all the kids


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Brilliant!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> And I guess she was not on the pill. Right.


I would agree with that argument most every time...however, in the case of the swinging lifestyle condoms are the norm because of STD's and not pregnancy.

I should have said "You both broke the cardinal rule" instead of just saying "Dude..." It's up to both parties to swap safely.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

I wonder how OP would feel if it had been the other woman pregnant carrying her H's child?!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Chances are that since she hasn't come back since 2/14 that she won't be back. But LDNTX that is the perfect question.


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