# What to say to a friend?



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

My H has a friend that used to be his roommate a few years ago. Back then, the guy had a huge drinking problem and would get extremely out of control when drinking, to the point of my H having to call the cops a couple of times. He tried to get sober a few times but it would last a few months and then he would go back to drinking.

About a year ago, he met a woman and got married within 2 months of meeting her. They rented out her house, sold most of their possessions and went on a long trip to travel the world. Much to their surprise, she got pregnant which cut the trip short. Now they are back in town, she will give birth in 2 months and he has started drinking AND gambling a LOT.

He is out of control again, to the point where he got so drunk one night that he slept outside in the bushes. His gambling has gotten to the point where she controls all of the finances and just gives him an allowance each month. She has to drive him to and from work to make sure he doesn't go to a bar and she made him start counseling. She feels like the counseling is going to "fix" him.

My H has been through this with him. He talked to him and his friend made it clear that despite his wife's efforts, he feels like he has his drinking and gambling totally under control and has no intention of stopping at all. He thinks his wife is just emotional due to her pregnancy.

So the question is - What do we tell the wife? Do we try to lay it out for her and warn her to get out now, despite the fact that she is 7 months pregnant? Or do we just lay low and let it play out? She'll have to figure this out eventually on her own. I'm not sure if there is anything we can tell her now to stop the oncoming train wreck but it is very sad to watch. She's a nice woman with a good heart that got sucked in to a bad situation. It really sucks to do nothing but sit on the sidelines and watch her get clobbered.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I would suggest talking to her about her options. There are Al anon and things like that. I would be supportive of her choice whether that be to stay or go.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Yes, tell her what some of her options are. Its even ok for your husband to share some things about how things used to be with his friend and his drinking. Its ok to put a bug in her ear, but then thats all that needs to be done, then the choice is hers.


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

Since your husband knows the long history of this, he should share it. And yes, the options like al anon are good advice. But ultimately she has to work out if she wants to live with an addict and alcoholic. Once the child is born, this question may become very pointed for her.


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