# Do you temporarily lose attraction?



## uzername (May 1, 2012)

Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?

Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

For me its stress, hormones and my state of mind. I think its part of being a woman. The important part is it flips to good pretty fast. For me its the same in bed, from "I hope he's not in the mood" to "giddy up!" with a flip of the switch.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I have but only when preggy so I'm prolly no help lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This is why we have marriages. If people felt all giddy hot-to-trot for each other every day their entire lives, they wouldn't need to be wed. They'd just happily stick together forever. Because emotions come and go, civilization long ago devised a contract that's not all that easy to get out of.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes especially when he turns me down and doesn't seem interested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Exactly for such occasions.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Not with my husband now. I've never been un-attracted to him ever. We've been together 13 years married 12. He's the best looking man on this planet and I've always adored him! There are days were we are annoyed with each other, but only for a day or two and we both back off. He has such a calm nature about him. I actually miss him while he's away at work. I love spending time with him, he loves spending time with me. I do not bug him if he needs his space. He's very easy to read. 

My ex, yes. I really never any real love with him. He treated me horribly and was unfaithful. He wasn't getting any from me, ever. Yuck.


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## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Not with my husband now. I've never been un-attracted to him ever. We've been together 13 years married 12. He's the best looking man on this planet and I've always adored him! There are days were we are annoyed with each other, but only for a day or two and we both back off. He has such a calm nature about him. I actually miss him while he's away at work. I love spending time with him, he loves spending time with me. I do not bug him if he needs his space. He's very easy to read.
> 
> My ex, yes. I really never any real love with him. He treated me horribly and was unfaithful. He wasn't getting any from me, ever. Yuck.


I completely agree with everything you said. I hope this love and attraction I have towards my husband never goes away!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Out of curiosity, how long did you remain married to your ex after you'd lost all sexual attraction or willingness to feign sexual interest in him?


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## uzername (May 1, 2012)

i can't imagine staying with someone very long if the attraction was totally gone. i wonder who typically loses interest first and why.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Out of curiosity, how long did you remain married to your ex after you'd lost all sexual attraction or willingness to feign sexual interest in him?


I tried working on the marriage even though it was extremely toxic. I gave it about year or so and even went as far as MC. The MC counselor said my marriage will never work and I was wasting time trying. He was right, he is worse now then ever with his attitude and has serious anger issues. I can't exactly remember how long. It was doomed from the very first day we married. He left the reception and was gone for hours. That should of been my first clue that it wasn't worth it. 

I'm in a much better place. I absolutely am in love with my husband and have been since the day we married. We have a fabulous marriage!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

uzername said:


> Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?
> 
> Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?


No, I haven't lost my attraction for my husband even when we had lack of communication. He still looks as good as when we first met. He is within 10 pounds of his weight in university plus he never lost any hair as he aged. He doesnt look that different from his 20s. I have however at times become so resentful with him that sex was the last thing on my mind. That happened in the years where our communication wasn't good. We also weren't making each other a priority then. Everything else- family, work, a clean home, hobbies - came before each other. Now that we spend at least one hour a day together talking or doing something together, I don't feel resentful. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When we first met, of course, I was hot for hubby ALL the time. It waned after a couple years, but never totally disappeared, until sometime around the middle of 2009 when we hit a REALLY rough patch. I don't even know how we got to where we got - it just creeped up on us till we really didn't like each other much at all. Then he started cheating and things got even worse - I must have picked up on something subconsciously because I remember looking at him and thinking to myself "How could I have ever thought this guy was sexy?" This went on for probably at least a year.

Then we had our D day and I kicked him out of the house and never wanted to see him again. Ever. Talk about loathing.

Then we started reconciling. We met up for the first time in almost 3 months in our MC's office for our first appt and I suddenly realized I didn't hate him any more. I'd been in IC and had spoken to him on the phone and on email, but hadn't seen him in person yet. And not only did I not hate him, I wanted to jump him right then and there. I didn't know this was normal - I thought I was losing it. 

Anyway, he kind of put the brakes on things (this was around the time he hired the hooker) which drove me even crazier. This continued for a few months, then we had D day#2 and I shut down again, but for about a week this time.

Things are really great with us now. We've both learned so much about ourselves, each other, and our relationship that we didn't recognize before. Now I look forward to the end of the day when I get to see him. I look forward to spending time with him every day. I love touching him and him to touch me. Most of it is as a result of changes he's made, but some of it is changes I've made too.


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## Cyrus (Apr 5, 2012)

uzername said:


> Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?
> 
> Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?


This is pretty close to my situation. I can look at my wife and see she is physically very attractive, but I have no desire to have sex with her, and haven't in nearly two years.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

not even for a second - but we've only been married 2 years so I am still in the "honeymoon period." Usually when I look at him (so we're talking hundreds of times per day) I can't believe he's real lol. He's so hot in my opinion, but some of my girlfriends have told me that they don't think he's attractive. So I think it's completely in the mind of the person in love.


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## clairey83 (Apr 20, 2012)

I think it definitely depends on your mood. I've noticed this when I'm grumpy, he's low testosterone so it's really hard work for me to get anything physical from him. Which makes me angry, upset etc. and when it gets really bad I've noticed that I don't look at him and see him as hot. As much as I want laid its like I don't even want him near me. Then it gets sorted out and I'm back to fancying the pants off him again. Especially after I've got laid (last night!! Hurrah!!) I noticed that I reeeally want him. I can't keep my hands off him. But then of course I'll have ages to wait again and that'll disappear and I'll be back to the beginning again. 
And obviously he looks the same through this whole time and he is behaving the same way. It's only me that's being different. So in my case it's clearly affected by my mood and state of mind.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Cyrus said:


> This is pretty close to my situation. I can look at my wife and see she is physically very attractive, but I have no desire to have sex with her, and haven't in nearly two years.


Do you know why?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

OP I've been feeling a lot like you described. I have been a bit down as of late and stressed about a lot of things. We've also had my mother in law visit for the past 2-3 weeks, coupled with my wife being ultra busy with our youngest daughter's dance recital.

So all in all yeah after all that I've been feeling just like that: meh.

I'm hoping to turn it around by working on my attitudes (the part that I control). I pushed myself harder during exercise today, and I'm bound and determined to have fun today no matter and much I'm not looking forward to what I have to deal with at work today.

I'll let you know if it does anything for me. I will say this though, I actually felt a bit of a smile this morning when I saw my wife after working out. Something I've not felt in about a week. So who knows...


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## Mrs Nora Barnacle (May 15, 2012)

This has just started happening to me recently. The way my husband eats bugs me. He is a very handsome man but he just wolfs food down without tasting it or hardly breathing. I am starting to be repulsed by this and I hate that feeling. It is temporary and only confined to eating. When we were dating he would take time to eat and talk to me and enjoy a glass of wine etc., so I guess it really has to do with feeling ignored these days. 

At other times I look at him and think wow how did I snag such a good looking guy? Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Not with my husband now. I've never been un-attracted to him ever. We've been together 13 years married 12. He's the best looking man on this planet and I've always adored him! There are days were we are annoyed with each other, but only for a day or two and we both back off. He has such a calm nature about him. I actually miss him while he's away at work. I love spending time with him, he loves spending time with me. I do not bug him if he needs his space. He's very easy to read.


You sound so much like my wife. No wonder I enjoy reading your posts so!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

uzername said:


> Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?
> 
> Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?


I have never felt this.

If I'm annoyed with him or there's something momentarily between us, there's still that underlying feeling of respect I feel towards him. And I guess, with respect there is attraction.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> This is why we have marriages. If people felt all giddy hot-to-trot for each other every day their entire lives, they wouldn't need to be wed. They'd just happily stick together forever. Because emotions come and go, civilization long ago devised a contract that's not all that easy to get out of.


That's mostly the for better or worse part...

My grams and gramps were married for 63 years and she told me about ebbs and flows, so I expected that when I got married.

It hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm sure it will...or not. I don't know. but I bet it has everything to do with how you are feeling (hormones, stress, depression?). Just ride it out and remember who he is and the good things about him.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Granted I've seen some major changes in him and us over the last year so I'm in a definite "attracted" mode. Reading Browncoat's mention of his MIL visiting - when mine visited recently, the changes in my H's behavior were amazing. Afterwards I commented on what I'd observed and the admiration I felt. He was pleasantly surprised to hear but he'd also noticed the changes in himself.

....I've felt frustrated and deeper emotions at other times, but I still didn't look at him and have those types of "meh" thoughts.

I know hormones play a part with whether I'm feeling more romantically inclined compared to rip-my-clothes-off. I kind of feel that's separate to viewing your partner with eyes of respect/admiration though. Depression, stress, unresolved emotions - I would imagine these would play a part. As that_girl has suggested.


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## uzername (May 1, 2012)

Cyrus said:


> This is pretty close to my situation. I can look at my wife and see she is physically very attractive, but I have no desire to have sex with her, and haven't in nearly two years.


wow. 2 years is a long time! i hope things change for the better for you.


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## uzername (May 1, 2012)

Mrs Nora Barnacle said:


> This has just started happening to me recently. The way my husband eats bugs me. He is a very handsome man but he just wolfs food down without tasting it or hardly breathing. I am starting to be repulsed by this and I hate that feeling. It is temporary and only confined to eating. When we were dating he would take time to eat and talk to me and enjoy a glass of wine etc., so I guess it really has to do with feeling ignored these days.
> 
> At other times I look at him and think wow how did I snag such a good looking guy? Haha.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


my H eats like a starving man too! it's so unattractive


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> When we first met, of course, I was hot for hubby ALL the time. It waned after a couple years, but never totally disappeared, until sometime around the middle of 2009 when we hit a REALLY rough patch. I don't even know how we got to where we got - it just creeped up on us till we really didn't like each other much at all. Then he started cheating and things got even worse - I must have picked up on something subconsciously because I remember looking at him and thinking to myself "How could I have ever thought this guy was sexy?" This went on for probably at least a year.
> 
> Then we had our D day and I kicked him out of the house and never wanted to see him again. Ever. Talk about loathing.
> 
> ...


Interesting story. It's stories like this that makes be think my x wife was hasty in wanting a divorce. Instead of working through things, she thought divorce was the answer. If she had tried to work through things, I believe things would have gotten better.


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## saint_kevin (May 17, 2012)

I have the same situation. We have no problem with each other and we had dinner together almost everyday. But i just don't feel like having sex with her anymore. Not sure how long will this be and it has been for about 2 months. I guess things are still right as long as we don't have fraction.


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