# My wife told me she is Bi



## Losing my wife to a woman

About 2 months ago my wife confessed that she thought she was Bi. This didn't come as to much of a shock as I have suspected this for many years, though I never thought she would tell me.

I told her it was ok and that she should explore it and if it meant having a relationship with another woman then so be it. I don't know why i said all this because now it is a reality. She met someone on a website for Bi woman and is now madly in love with her.

We are currently on a break so she can work out her feelings as she doesn't know if she can be with us both. I feel the worst is going to happen but we are going to stay living together with our children until she goes and sees this woman in July/August.

How can i standby and watch my wife fall so madly in love with someone else after 10 years of marriage. I have to stay living at the house otherwise she wouldn't have anywhere to live with the children and I don't want them in a council house.

How can I just get on with my life like nothing has happened until she decides what she wants.


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## PBear

How would you handle it if she wanted to be with another guy? To me, it's the same thing.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Losing my wife to a woman

She never would. She tells me she could never imagine her life without me and doesn't want us to break up, but if we did she would never be with another man.


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## Almostrecovered

and why exactly was it okay to go have sex/a relationship with another woman, because it seemed sexy to you?


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## PBear

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> She never would. She tells me she could never imagine her life without me and doesn't want us to break up, but if we did she would never be with another man.


The gender of the person she's giving her emotion and intimacy isn't the point, is my point...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Losing my wife to a woman

Almostrecovered said:


> and why exactly was it okay to go have sex/a relationship with another woman, because it seemed sexy to you?


you got it in one. At first i did, then the more i though about it, the more i regretted it. I think i just said i was ok with it so that she wouldn't do it behind my back, not that i think she would have done that.


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## Losing my wife to a woman

PBear said:


> The gender of the person she's giving her emotion and intimacy isn't the point, is my point...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know.


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## Almostrecovered

well I think it's too late but your only option is to tell her that it's you and just alone or else you D

read the welcome newbies link in my signature


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## Losing my wife to a woman

Almostrecovered said:


> well I think it's too late but your only option is to tell her that it's you and just alone or else you D
> 
> read the welcome newbies link in my signature


I don't want to give up on us, and although it will be hard the next few months, i want to wait and see if she really does choose her.


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## PBear

No offense, but if my partner pulled this on me, I'd take my testicles out of her purse, and tell her to enjoy her life. I realize you have kids and all, but you've just been put solidly in second place (at best).

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

by clearly stating what is acceptable to you in a marriage and presenting consequences if she doesn't accept them is NOT giving up

in fact it's the only real chance you have, the longer you wait the worse it will get

please get over to CWI section and you'll see what I'm talking about


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## Losing my wife to a woman

PBear said:


> No offense, but if my partner pulled this on me, I'd take my testicles out of her purse, and tell her to enjoy her life. I realize you have kids and all, but you've just been put solidly in second place (at best).
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You may be right and I thank you for your honesty, but i feel if i leave then she's getting it easy. If I stay then she has the hard thing to do. I believe i would have more closure that way.


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## Almostrecovered

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> You may be right and I thank you for your honesty, but i feel if i leave then she's getting it easy. If I stay then she has the hard thing to do. I believe i would have more closure that way.


no if you stay married you are telling that it's perfectly fine for her to have you as a financier, a security blanket and a back up while she gets to have all the sexy fun she wants- that sounds easy to me


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## Almostrecovered

I'm telling you the truth

of those in CWI who are experiencing R with their wayward spouses all have something in common- they all got to that point where they essentially said- "It's them or me or else it's over"

that said, there are also plenty of folks who gave the ultimatum and the spouse still continued the affair- but at least they had their answer and can move on and go be happy again


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## Losing my wife to a woman

Almostrecovered said:


> no if you stay married you are telling that it's perfectly fine for her to you as a financier, a security blanket and a back up while she gets to have all the sexy fun she wants- that sounds easy to me


This is why I joined and look for answers. I know what I need to do, but just can't bring myself to do it.


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## Entropy3000

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> About 2 months ago my wife confessed that she thought she was Bi. This didn't come as to much of a shock as I have suspected this for many years, though I never thought she would tell me.
> 
> I told her it was ok and that she should explore it and if it meant having a relationship with another woman then so be it. I don't know why i said all this because now it is a reality. She met someone on a website for Bi woman and is now madly in love with her.
> 
> We are currently on a break so she can work out her feelings as she doesn't know if she can be with us both. I feel the worst is going to happen but we are going to stay living together with our children until she goes and sees this woman in July/August.
> 
> How can i standby and watch my wife fall so madly in love with someone else after 10 years of marriage. I have to stay living at the house otherwise she wouldn't have anywhere to live with the children and I don't want them in a council house.
> 
> How can I just get on with my life like nothing has happened until she decides what she wants.


You told her to explore it. You told her to leave you. Were you thinking this meant she was going to bring a woman home for you?

You say you are on a break. HUGE mistake. You basically said go away and find happiness with someone else. 

I would have wanted her to stay with me and work on our marriage. I would not have gone on a break.


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## Almostrecovered

I understand, I've been there myself

but don't let the fear control you

you can't control your wife but you can control yourself, your happiness is largely your own doing and you can be happy whether it is with her or without her, but it's up to you

have you read the newbie link yet?


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## Losing my wife to a woman

Almostrecovered said:


> I understand, I've been there myself
> 
> but don't let the fear control you
> 
> you can't control your wife but you can control yourself, your happiness is largely your own doing and you can be happy whether it is with her or without her, but it's up to you
> 
> have you read the newbie link yet?


Yes I have and i got a lot from it. TY


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## Entropy3000

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> She never would. She tells me she could never imagine her life without me and doesn't want us to break up, but if we did she would never be with another man.


The point is that it does not matter whether it was a man, a woman or a panda bear. She is in love with another person. The gender matters not.


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## Losing my wife to a woman

Entropy3000 said:


> You told her to explore it. You told her to leave you. Were you thinking this meant she was going to bring a woman home for you?
> 
> You say you are on a break. HUGE mistake. You basically said go away and find happiness with someone else.
> 
> I would have wanted her to stay with me and work on our marriage. I would not have gone on a break.


When i said she could explore it, i wasn't expecting her to fall in love, nor was she. I said I would share her if it's what she wanted. The break isn't all that. We still live together, do everything together just sleep in different rooms.


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## Entropy3000

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> When i said she could explore it, i wasn't expecting her to fall in love, nor was she. I said I would share her if it's what she wanted. The break isn't all that. We still live together, do everything together just sleep in different rooms.


Too bad you did not come to TAM before you said you were fine with this. You would have been advised not to do this.

You are getting some good advise now but putting the genie back in the bottle is infinitley harder to do. Good luck.


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## Beowulf

OP,

Let me ask you this. If she said she needed to be with another man because she has always thought she was better suited to a man with a bigger penis than you would you let her go explore it?

Some things never should be explored. If you let her go to meet this woman your marriage is over. Period. She will have conflicted feelings and you will resent her for going. You will never be the same.

You need to tell her that if she goes you are filing for divorce as soon as she closes the front door behind her. Anything less and you are doomed. Right now you are a doormat. Women, straight or bi, do not love doormats.


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## PBear

Entropy3000 said:


> The point is that it does not matter whether it was a man, a woman or a panda bear. She is in love with another person. The gender matters not.


Hey! Don't diss the Pbears!

Carry on...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Losing my wife to a woman

I've just ended things with her. Turns out she choose her.


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## Conrad

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> I've just ended things with her. Turns out she choose her.


Anyone who considers being "Plan B" should read this thread.

It only happens this way 100% of the time when you give "permission"


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## keko

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> I've just ended things with her. Turns out she choose her.


now do you know which place you were on your wife's list?

I bet she and her friend will start involving other gender into to their equation in no time. Protect yourself financially ASAP before she start's draining you.


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## Almostrecovered

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> I've just ended things with her. Turns out she choose her.


So sorry man, but now you know and you can grieve. Eventually you will get your life back on track


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## Beowulf

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> I've just ended things with her. Turns out she choose her.


Now is the time to start detaching from her. You should do the 180 and begin separating your assets. Sorry you're going through this but now you know she intended this all along.


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## Complexity

I dated a couple of bisexual women and I can understand the limbo you're going through. Not fun. I can't give you any good advice but I'm wishing for the best.

When did their relationship start?


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## Almostrecovered

Beowulf said:


> Now is the time to start detaching from her. You should do the 180 and begin separating your assets. Sorry you're going through this but now you know she intended this all along.


Also be sure to take of yourself, no booze, plenty of rest and exercise

See your doctor if the anxiety, stress is too much


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## Shaggy

Understand this, you wife cheated. She went looking for another person o vbrek her vows with. The fault her, the crapy choice ll lie with her. It's not that she is bi, it's that she s a liar ah a scummy cheat.

And you know if she cheated on you, she'll cheat on these others.

Hire a shark and make her bleed.

Trust nothing she tells you. Nothing at all.
Tomorrow go to the bank and get your own account. Move at least half the money in any joint accounts. Cancel ll joint credit cards. Realize this s war. She cheated and dumped you. Time to show her the consequences of that choice. Don't be distracted by the fact that she is choosing to cheat with a woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> you got it in one. At first i did, then the more i though about it, the more i regretted it. I think i just said i was ok with it so that she wouldn't do it behind my back, not that i think she would have done that.


Several years ago, my wife, too, informed me of her curiosity of being with another woman. I gave her my blessing to satisfy that curiosity as long as I at least got to be in the room. She began to semi-actively look for a woman who met her wants and our conditions. Following her EA's and her PA and our entry into R, she informed me that, while I might think I can handle seeing her with another woman, she doesn't think I can, and has ceased her search. She is content with letting that curiosity remain a fantasy.


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## luckycardinal

Cheating is cheating...no matter if it's with a man or a woman. I really believe that since women are partially "non-persons" and just sex objects in this culture, a lot of men think it's OK for a woman to have sex with another woman even though they're married. That is not correct. There are TONS of bisexual people in the world and many of them are settled down and faithful to one partner. Most bisexual folks prefer one gender over the other and usually marry/partner with the gender they prefer. 

To the OP - I'm sorry that you told your wife it was Ok with you that she explore that relationship and now it's backfired. If my husband came to me and told me he was bi and wanted to explore that, I'd tell him he'd have to do so without me because extramarital sex is NOT OKAY even if it's a gay relationship. Then, if he decided to explore his desires, I'd tell him to leave.

She must have gotten the impression that an open marriage was okay with you, which it obviously isn't. I'd tell her to either leave the other woman alone and stay with you or else leave her as she's clearly cheating.


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## warlock07

Losing my wife to a woman said:


> I've just ended things with her. Turns out she choose her.


Within 2 months of meeting a new woman and she bailed? why do i think there is more to this story?


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## Chaparral

warlock07 said:


> Within 2 months of meeting a new woman and she bailed? why do i think there is more to this story?


They're soul mates?


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