# A change of my feeling towards my husband with many years



## Haru2013 (Oct 23, 2013)

Hello:
My husband more than 40 years started showing an interest in the women whose husband passed away year and a half years ago. In the beginning, he simply wanted to help her fixed around her house and taking her doctor's appointment and the like when she's not well enough long drive. 

Recently, good friendship with her appears flirting and in some degree more than just good friend when I heard he took her phone-call in the middle of dinner that last almost one hour acting like a 15 years old boy cuddling over the pillow on the couch. I didn't mind at that time, however days went by, my feeling towards him increase 'suspicious,' although I know it's physical, more 'emotional attraction,' ... she's a lonely widow nd he's 'a big attention-seeker.' 

I hate to deal with my newly developed 'untrusted' and 'suspicious' feelings towards my husband, but I can't help it after hearing his long talks with her. It's not jealousy, ... rather I want to get him back as we always had that is to be a simple and trustful feeling between us. 

Your imputs would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

He's cheating on you with this woman and your letting him. Why?

Are you afraid of standing up to your husband? Or are you in denial of their affair?

I'm really very sorry this is happening, but it needs to be stopped. How are you not jealous? You need to decide how you are going to handle this. 

If I were in this situation, I'd give an ultimatum. It's either her or our marriage(if I was willing to give him a second chance). I've been cheated on with my first h. This is one deal breaker for me. This woman needs to be out of your lives for good if you want to save your marriage.

Let this other woman find a man who's single to take her to her appointments. It doesn't matter if she's widowed or not, your husband should not be available to her period.


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## Troubledlinda (Sep 7, 2013)

:iagree:


I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> He's cheating on you with this woman and your letting him. Why?
> 
> Are you afraid of standing up to your husband? Or are you in denial of their affair?
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

He definitely is loving the attention of this other woman. You do not need to stay by patiently and feel terrible while this plays out. Express to your husband what you see and what you expect of it. Tell him what the repercussions (your actions) will be if he choose to continue. If he cannot comply to what you expect of him then you follow thru with what you told him you will do if his actions do not stop. be calm, don't take any beating around the bush or cover-ups. 

Realize he might see this as completely innocent if they have not had sex yet but any time your husband spends pursuing and flirting with another woman is time that he could be doing the same with you and has chosen not to. You do not deserve this and he needs to know it.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

His behavior is unexceptable and you need to let him know you do not appreciate it right now. Leaving dinner to take a call from her, really?? My wife would have had my balls for that. 

Stop this now!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Iloveautumn (Aug 31, 2013)

I'd be ticked off if my husband acted like this. You need to write down everything he has done to upset you and talk to him about it. When the phone rings answer it, maybe you can tell the widow he is not available to help her. How do you know this lady? If they go on walks or go out, can you try and be apart of it? 
I wish you the best!!


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Haru, if you are still here. I have seen this happen before. A woman's husband dies, she starts depending on another woman's husband for help. He feels needed and appreciated. 

The story I know about: He left his wife and married the widow.

End it now.


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## Haru2013 (Oct 23, 2013)

Thanks everyone for invaluable imputs and opinions.
Since then, I talked with my husband about my 'hurtful' feelings and he said he never destroy our marriage which is very solid, financially. However, he appears to me he still has feelings towards her. 

This lady/widow is completely different in every aspects from me, I'm a home-bound lady and she's outgoing, aggressive and loves to talk which I have no interest. 

I still love my husband, however my trust is half gone particuraly after hearing his talks over the phone as said the above. 


It's bad for that widow, if she thinks I let him go as he pleases, since I'm NOT that kind of 'winpy' 'crying,' and 'insecure' woman. I'm ALWAYS there not let her bother me no matter what. 
He said I'm a hard-worker and keeps family together no matter what which he loves me to see all the time. However, he's VERY much 'attention seeker,' ... in other word, 'feel needed and appreciated' one of responsers said, ... that's true. 

No matter what my husband has towards this woman, I'm NEVER, EVER giving up on him, mainly for my family sake. That's my decision and ultimate plan at present and in future as well.


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## HangingOnHope (Oct 26, 2013)

:iagree:


I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> He's cheating on you with this woman and your letting him. Why?
> 
> Are you afraid of standing up to your husband? Or are you in denial of their affair?
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Also, perhaps you might consider appealing to the woman herself?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many hours a week does he spend with her, either in person or on the phone, etc?

Does he talk to her where you can hear what he is talking about? Or does he go somewhere private?

Do they text? IF so have you seen the texts?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Your H is a married man and it's inappropriate for him to be focusing his attentions on another woman. 

If the widow needs help getting to appointments and is in need of company and cosy little chats on the telephone, let her turn to her female - not their husbands.

If you know this woman, frankly, I would feel inclined to tell her that whilst you're very sorry that she's lost her H, it really isn't appropriate for her to expect her friends husbands to fill his empty shoes in this manner...


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Haru, 

I understand the hardship of a long term marriage being affected by an affair. Yours is 40, mine would have been 30, but he cheated at 27, pales compared to yours at 40... 

I stayed a lot at home, as you say you do too. I bet your not to much older than me, and the thought of being on our own at this age is sooo frightening. We've lived with these people longer than we have ever lived w ourself. 

So many posters have been so positive towards me,helping me see, I'm not as "unskilled" and "unprepared" as I think I am...or not as great, or whatever it is, that we measure ourselves to, with, or by , the ow...

What we have to do, is find ourselves again, the person WE loved. Remember there was a time in our life when it was about us, about our goals, our dreams, or our good will, and what happened when it was??? Good things happened, good people came into our lives, we were happier, and our lives were better. 

So however or whatever you decide w H, after that, make it about you, find your strength, find you again, start loving yourself again... bc as you probably realize, life is short and this isn't a dress rehearsal. 

-sammy


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## damagedgoods1 (Nov 8, 2013)

Sammy,
This thread is from last year. In subsequent posts, the OP talked to her husband and he agreed to NC with the OW.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

This is like the 3rd or 4th thread over the past few days that has been resurrected from the dead. I didn't realize that on one of them until after I responded. What a waste of time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Haru2013 said:


> Hello:
> My husband more than 40 years started showing an interest in the women whose husband passed away year and a half years ago. In the beginning, he simply wanted to help her fixed around her house and* taking her doctor's appointment and the like when she's not well enough long drive. *
> 
> Recently, good friendship with her appears flirting and in some degree more than just good friend when I heard *he took her phone-call in the middle of dinner that last almost one hour acting like a 15 years old boy cuddling over the pillow on the couch*.


They are having an affair. 

You need to call him out on this bullsh*t and set some boundaries. I would tell her where to go, too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IrishGirlVA said:


> This is like the 3rd or 4th thread over the past few days that has been resurrected from the dead. I didn't realize that on one of them until after I responded. What a waste of time.


UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fell for it, too!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sammy3 has necro'ed quite a few threads today.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Sammy3 has necro'ed quite a few threads today.


Sorry I have... I often wonder if they are still lurking and the progress that has or hasnt been made. 

-sammy


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