# Tired of being treated like sh*t



## njdad

So, my wife told me she wanted a divorce about 3 months ago. Plans are to separate as soon as we get finances in order and one of us finds a place. 

In the meantime, I have been busting my a** to be a better person -- doing housework, going to the gym, spending more time with the kids, being more considerate in general to everyone, especially my wife. In the meantime, she is really treating me like crap. Doesn't talk to me unless she has to or unless it is something related to separation (then she is a real conversationalist!). I don't want to give specific examples here, but I have really made some significant changes and really done some nice things for her during this time. She has either totally ignored it or treated it with outright hostility. I feel like an intruder in my own home sometimes.

I understand that she wants out of the relationship. I understand that she doesn't want to encourage me by being nice. I understand that she resents me making all of these changes only after she asked for a divorce. I understand that she is mad and hurt. But d*mnit, I am a human being and so is she. How about a little common decency? If this is how she felt, I can understand why she wants a divorce. The difference is, I was ignorant of the problem -- didn't know things were so bad in her mind; negligent to be sure, but not malicious. She is doing this with full knowledge of what she is doing -- it is intentional. The woman I married isn't like that.

I can hear the replies now -- the woman you married is gone; do the 180 for you, not her; too little too late; stop whining; think how she felt; etc., etc. Just needed to vent I guess. Thanks.


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## Married in VA

Sounds to me like you are making changes in yourself and you are frustrated that she is not coming back. When women decide they are done, there is little you can do other than let them go. Sometimes they see the error of their ways and come back and sometimes they just move on. Either way, whatever you do needs to be for you because you are not leaving you anytime soon. The woman you married is likely gone for good, at least for now anyway.

Yes, do the 180 for you.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Glad you have found TAM as a safe place to vent!


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## bluebeauty

I hear you. During our separation my H became very mean but still wanted me to come back. His exact words "I'm going to treat you however I want until you come back home"...fml
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## plerner

Wow it really sounds like you have been living in my house for the past 3 months. My husband asked me for a divorce at the end of February cause he was unhappy and just assummed I was too. He wanted me at the time to go to MC but assumed I wouldn't so when I found a MC it lasted about 2 sessions because after that he didn't want to "try" anymore. Since end of February he has been being a real jerk. I have done EVERYTHING he has asked of me and all I get is the silent treatment or the "Why talk it will just lead to a fight" reply! (Ugh I hate these assumptions!) I love him dearly and I truly believe that this need to divorce is stemming from his sister's death last April. (He told me last summer that it bother's him that she will never get to be married, grow old, have more kids, etc. like he was able to/will be able to.) Three days ago he told me he wants to leave and is really pushing to move to Utah! We live in Minnesota. No one knows what this fascination with Utah is but it really hurts me that not only does he want to leave me but he wants to leave our 2 kids behind both who have medical issues and move 1,500 miles away from them! I wish I could offer some encouraging words to you but I just don't have any right now. Just know that I am in the same boat you are with the spouse treating you like crap! I just keep telling myself that when I married him it was for better or worse and for good times or bad. Well, it can't get much worse or bad then it is now so all I can hope for is things to work out for the best and us staying together!


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