# Sexy No More...



## limos (Feb 12, 2012)

I have an odd set of issues, at least I find them odd. I have become excessively shy over the past few years and now I'm unable to initiate sex, participate actively in foreplay, "hot" kiss, and lots of other things. I'm not stingy, I just keep freezing up. I fantasize all day about the things I'd like to do to my husband that evening, but totally clam up when the time arrives.

I know it's in my head and I know my personal body image is killing my self esteem, but what the heck am I suppose to do?! We have kids and my body definitely looks like I had kids. I've been working out like a maniac for the past year, and I've come really far but I've still got a ways to go. 

He doesn't seem to care about the "body issues" I seem to have about myself at all. They don't phase him one bit, but I always feel like he's secretly judging or really doesn't like the way I look. 

I'm so over concerned about what he's going to think. If he'll think I'm trying too hard if I do something spontaneous, well spontaneous for me. If he'll laugh if I do. If it'll be a turn off. I feel so silly if I try to be sexy, like I'm a really bad actress. What do I do?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sounds like you have some unresolved issues that counseling may help unlock

I'd give it a shot!


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## glitchathon (Oct 22, 2009)

Does your H do his part to make you feel sexy (compliments, ass squeezes, suggestive talking, etc). I know if i do not do that, my wife would lose a lot of sexual confidence through no fault of her own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You are projecting your fears onto him basically thinking for him without even once considering the possibility that he doesn't feel the same as you.

If you can't overcome this on your own I highly suggest counseling.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

if this helps, i believe this is my wifes issue also (one of them)

i find her tremendously sexy, tell her alot and affirm it through my actions, that is up until recently (6 months), now it gotten to the point of ridiculous and without her reciprocating i feel unloved and am considering other options. i can only do so much and if she wont meet me halfway we are stuck.

i say that because you are here acknowledging your problem. i urge you strongly to seek help. i also urge you to discuss it with him. he will at least know that you have an issue and that you still love him. letting this continue will likely amount to running him off


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

limos said:


> I have an odd set of issues, at least I find them odd. I have become excessively shy over the past few years and now I'm unable to initiate sex, participate actively in foreplay, "hot" kiss, and lots of other things. I'm not stingy, I just keep freezing up. I fantasize all day about the things I'd like to do to my husband that evening, but totally clam up when the time arrives.
> 
> I know it's in my head and I know my personal body image is killing my self esteem, but what the heck am I suppose to do?! We have kids and my body definitely looks like I had kids. I've been working out like a maniac for the past year, and I've come really far but I've still got a ways to go.
> 
> ...


I agree with what Mavash said.

Minus the working out, you sound very much like my fiancee. She was 171 when we first met but was in the midst of losing weight and within about four months or so had dropped to 135 pounds. She was smoking hot, as the weight just fit her little body in all the right places.

Since then though, her weight has slowly crept up and reached 190 the other day. She hates her weight, wants to do something about it, just hasn't yet. We are starting a walking regime now (started on Tuesday) and she seems happy about that.

Even though she put on 55 lbs., I find her smoking hot still. I know the weight bugs her and yes, I do notice the weight on her a bit (mostly during sex when my hands are reaching places they don't otherwise) but it doesn't bug me in the least bit. She thinks it does though.

If your husband is like me, then I bet right about now he is eight degrees of frsutrated with a side of horny overload. Due to her weight, my fiancee doesn't seem to want to view herself as sexy at all. And I know that when she (and I think this goes for most women and some men) doesn't view herself as sexy, there is going to be less sex. 

So I am left sexually frustrated at times because a woman I view as hot doesn't view herself the same way. 

So when you ask "what am I supposed to do" here is one man's take: just have sex. Lots and lots of sex.

They say actions speak louder than words, and they do. If your husband really doesn't have an issue with your body, the two of you can be doing it like rabbits and he won't complain or likely even withhold. He wants you, he'll be glad to have you. If your body really is an issue, you'll know soon enough as he'll start to find reasons to turn you down.

I suspect though that he does find you attractive, and will be thrilled to be with you. Just let go of thinking you know what he's thinking and have fun. Enjoy your husband. heaven forbid something should ever happen to him, because you'd really be kicking yourself after.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Your husband may laugh at something you do spontaneous. But that doesn't mean he won't appreciate it. My wife tries stuff on me every once in awhile and her attempt at being sexy (trying to give that look artificially that really can't be made artificially. Or doing a sexy dance that my wife tries to pull off. (she has not coordination not muscle control so it doesn't quite look the way she intends) I still appreciate the effort. Why would you be uptight with the man that has been there through kids and all that. I mean you carry the kid but we deal with the abuse, mood swings, back aches, all of that and we don't go running for the hills. Just relax and be willing to talk and laugh right along with your husband.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Counseling is fine, but it at the end of the day if your body image issues stem from something you brought on, and can change, like obesity, then you need to lose weight and restructure your body into a shape, and fitness level, that makes you feel comfortable, free, and alive.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

limos said:


> I have an odd set of issues, at least I find them odd. I have become excessively shy over the past few years and now I'm unable to initiate sex, participate actively in foreplay, "hot" kiss, and lots of other things. I'm not stingy, I just keep freezing up. I fantasize all day about the things I'd like to do to my husband that evening, but totally clam up when the time arrives.
> 
> I know it's in my head and I know my personal body image is killing my self esteem, but what the heck am I suppose to do?! We have kids and my body definitely looks like I had kids. I've been working out like a maniac for the past year, and I've come really far but I've still got a ways to go.
> 
> ...


you sound like a normal woman whos worried about how her husband sees her... 

a normal wife relises her husband likes what he sees and if its silly and makes him laugh then laugh with him and then bang him and laugh some more after your done then say its your turn to try something new on me.


I'm jellious sounds like it cuold be really fun reconnecting someone has to make the first move I say just go for it if you can't laugh at yourself then who can you laygh at?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hell you call laugh at my poor spelling and grammer if you want!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Which just goes to prove that when women run out things to be miserable about they'll be miserable about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

limos said:


> I have an odd set of issues, at least I find them odd. I have become excessively shy over the past few years and now I'm unable to initiate sex, participate actively in foreplay, "hot" kiss, and lots of other things. I'm not stingy, I just keep freezing up. I fantasize all day about the things I'd like to do to my husband that evening, but totally clam up when the time arrives.
> 
> I know it's in my head and I know my personal body image is killing my self esteem, but what the heck am I suppose to do?! We have kids and my body definitely looks like I had kids. I've been working out like a maniac for the past year, and I've come really far but I've still got a ways to go.
> 
> ...


So you werent always shy with him right?

Dont act. Just be yourself. You are supposed to feel comfortable with him!!! Have to talked to him about this? If so, what does he say to you?


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