# Is this ok?



## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

Is this ok? I am newly separated 5months and will definitely be getting a divorce. I have gotten rid of all my H stuff, and I am making room for someone else. I have not met anyone as yet. But I have a strong feeling I will. The closet is ready, so too is the driveway and I bought a new mug (for him). Is this normal? Or am I going mad? Please help, any advise will be taken.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Seems fine? Why not file for divorce now?

You bought a mug for your ex or someone else in the future? That is unclear.


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

For a future


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

I can't afford to file for divorce just yet. And we still have to settle maintenance for the children, whom he has not supported since he had to leave.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I would give yourself more time before thinking of having someone else's car parked in your driveway. Also, I would be very careful of introducing someone new to your children too soon...


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

Ok point taken. Thanks.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

It sounds like you‘re doing things that you feel will help you move on. I don‘t see anything wrong with that. It may be cathartic for you to be out with the old and opening room for someone new. However, as advised, tread carefully about introducing new men to your children. Moving men in too quick will hurt them and they should only be introduced to potential long term or marriage partners.

Other than that, I think dating casually is fine. You should consider thinking twice about anything serious for now until your ducks are in a row. You need to get those legal matters settled. It‘s a lot to expect for someone else (a potential mate) to have to deal with. I‘d be on top of that maintenance/child support if I were you. It may help you financially so you can start divorce proceedings.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Legalaff said:


> I can't afford to file for divorce just yet. And we still have to settle maintenance for the children, whom he has not supported since he had to leave.


Were the police involved?


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

Yes. He broke a protection order


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

I don't intend to move in this new person just yet.i have not even met anyone. I am just being prepared. I think.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Being prepared....kind of funny! Yes, you are doing fine. Just have fun for now, dating and whatnot. Do not introduce anyone to your children for a long time. Don't get invested in anyone until the dust settles, but do have fun.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Honestly, my first impression was that you're way too desperate to have someone new fill your husband's old role, and there's a strong chance you'll fill it with the wrong candidate. I don't mean to be harsh, but that was my first read. I hope I'm wrong. 

Would you consider some counselling to talk to someone about how you're feeling? We only have a very limited view in your life, obviously. 

C


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Legalaff said:


> I don't intend to move in this new person just yet.i have not even met anyone. I am just being prepared. I think.


What's to "prepare"? In your own home? The one you share with your children? For "someone" you haven't even met yet?

Tread carefully my friend. You are already making many assumption about "Mr. New Wonderful". You assume that he will move into your home. Which also presumes he has no home of his own or will be willing to move into you home and take over the role of "man of the house". Why would that be?

You are newly separated, not yet divorced. Therefore you haven't yet had the "feel" of being single and independent. Before making serious plans for a new mate, you might want to spend that time focusing on you and your children. The right guy could come along. Or maybe not as soon as you think you wish, but by focusing on your own independence you will be better able to make a more responsible choice for someone to move into your home.

There are many scam artists out there. They will say the right words. They will charm you. But their main goal is to move in and take from you instead of contributing. 

The right guy need not be "prepared for" in the sense that you set your home up to feel welcoming to him. It will just happen. So long as your home is comfortable for you and your children, the right guy will accept the place "as is".


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I was advised not to bring anyone you're dating into the kids lives until you know it will be permanent. You don't want the kids bonding with people only to have those people repeatedly go away. Seems like good advice to me.

I don't see anything wrong with a few rituals to get over the ex. Just don't be in a rush to fill his spot.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think it's a little....odd...to be preparing your home for the presence of a new man whom you have not even yet met. That, in my opinion, speaks to a "need" for "a man" without much due consideration for who that man might actually be. That sort of need to have a man in your life can lead you to make some pretty iffy choices. 

I would focus strongly on preparing your home for you and your children to have a wonderful life, regardless of the presence or absence of a potential future male love interest. 

And, send that mug to Goodwill or something. Having adequate dishes for company is one thing. Having a special mug you've bought just for that special someone you haven't even met yet might come across as a little desperate and creepy.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yes, it's great that you seem to have moved on. But a desperate preparation for the next guy doesn't really signify that you have moved on. You really need to feel confident handling your affairs on your own and being independent before you are fully ready to open your life to another person. 

And wait at least 6-9 months before introducing someone to your children. It's OK if you have guy friends and therefore the guys that may come around don't seem any different but no touchy/feely stuff and certainly no sleepovers where a need for his own mug would be needed.

As much as you want to fill the void, you need to be okay with that vacancy first.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Legalaff said:


> I can't afford to file for divorce just yet. And we still have to settle maintenance for the children, whom he has not supported since he had to leave.


I got divorced on my VISA card.


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

Thanks to all. And that is why I asked if it was ok.


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