# It official: we're seperated



## finally122 (Jun 20, 2011)

I'm grieving the lost of an almost 20 years of being with my husband. We started having problems 7 years ago and have been to counseling for 6 months to a year, 3 times. 4 years ago he told me in our last counseling session that he was no longer attracted to me. He didn't have sex with me for 3 years then last year when I said it was time he leave he did have sex with me. It was horrible and left me feeling empty. He never even tried to please me it was all about him. Since then we've had sex maybe 10 times and it's the same thing all about him.

I've lost the weight but I can't forgive him for what he said. He's never apologized or gotten down on his knees like I thought he would apologizing for all the mean hurtful things he said to me. I've cried so many tears, gone to bed (we've slept in separate beds for years) lonely, hurting to the core. Yet he never ever saw or seemed to care how bad he hurt me. He still hasn't.

We're separated but he still lives here until we can't afford for him to move out. We don't have any kids so I'll never have to see him again. Counseling didn't work so please don't suggest it. I guess I just had to tell someone since none of my family will understand when they find out.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

finally - you sound very hurt. you need to find yourself. it won't be easy, but the best thing you can do is look ahead. no sense in looking back and rehashing it all in your head. do not expect or hope he'll do anything in a particular way, or that he'll realize his mistake or anything like that. if you do, you render yourself powerless.


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## finally122 (Jun 20, 2011)

I'm very hurt and as result have been making some stupid decisions. I don't understand why I even care any more after being hurt so bad.

I need to through myself into my work that way I don't have to think. The nights are the hardest part so I guess I'll cry until I can't cry any more.


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## simba2011 (Jun 20, 2011)

I'm having serious marital problems after almost 22 years of marriage. Remember that it is NOT you, it is him. There is nothing wrong with you. You are grieving. This is more or less like a death and should be treated as such. I'm afraid that my marriage is not going to work out as well.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry you find yourself in this situation.
It sounds like the marriage was over long ago.
My advice is to get out int he world and treat yourself to something nice, start exercising, meet a friend for coffee.
Don't beg him to stay with him. Treat him as you would a colleague: calm, cool, collected & unemotional. 

Are you guys getting lawyers or using mediation?


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