# He doesn't believe in foreplay, what?!



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

It takes me a while to get wet down there even though my brain is ready and he has a tendency to just shove himself right up there before I'm ready. At times I find myself wanting sex so much but down there isn't ready but I just let him ease into me because stopping it can or will ruin the mood. Of course it hurts at first and leaves me sore afterwards but I just deal.

How am I to get it in his head that it takes me a while? I mean, he knows this and when we were dating he accused me of not being sexually attracted to him but he got over that. We used lube a lot at first but it started to irritate him because he felt like it should be natural. Sometimes I'm ready, after heavy kissing and he knows that biting my ear gets me going so he does that but come on, a girl needs more than that at times.

As far as oral goes, I haven't received in a while which is fine since I'm still not used to it but he claimed that even with that, I wouldn't get wet which isn't always true...it's not like he spent a lot of time down there anyway. I just need ideas. With us it's been him throwing me on the bed and ripping my shorts off and going...don't get me wrong, which I LOVE but it's not enough time to get me ready down there which makes me sad. 

We've only been married a month and a half so there's lots of time to figure things out. I just don't want to end up disappointed and hurt in the long run and try to get things early. Any advice would be appreciated and not just for my husband but for me too. Anything that I can do. He has told me that a lot of it is mental so am I putting up some sort of block without realizing it? Sounds ridiculous and not likely but I don't know.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Men need to understand that while our minds are ready, our bodies need to be revved up.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Men need to understand that while our minds are ready, our bodies need to be revved up.


Exactly. My mind is often ready long before the body is. Rarely at the same time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, the only time my body is ready at the same time is if there's been sexual talk throughout the day lol. My husband is pretty good about getting me ready, although for a while it was like you said--- just shoving it in. OUCH! I don't need lube...I need touch.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Right. I need to find a way to break it to him that he's got to stop doing that without him getting all butt hurt. He doesn't like taking too long but that's too bad, that's how my body works. May not be what he was used to in the past but his wife demands more attention before sex!


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

michzz said:


> Buy a sex manual at a bookstore and read it together.
> 
> The idea of foreplay is not foreign to most men.
> 
> ...


Yeah, he won't buy a sex manual. If I get one he'll tease me for getting it and might listen to a few things I read to him out of it but dismiss it. He thinks he's a sex God lol. He's had way too many sexual partners to count plus who knows how many he paid for it so me bringing that up might be a blow to his ego. But I will talk to him anyway. The manual will not help. Like you said he's young (24) and thinks he knows it all but really doesn't. Not saying I do, he's my 3rd intimate partner but I just want to help him get to know my body, that's all. Not trying to damage his ego. Every woman is different, just want him to know that. Thanks.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

I'll trade ya, my stbx has always liked it fast. I'm a big fan of foreplay and teasing each other:smthumbup:

Here's how I got "trained" by the woman before her, she would slow me down by talking and telling me what to do and how hot it was making her.


When us men get horny we're like a charging bull trying to conquer our mate, I honestly think it's instictual. 

But most guys want to think of themselves as a master when it comes to sex, so any positive affirmation will be remembered. It may not work the first few times but after awhile he'll want to fire you up first so you tell him how great he is:rofl:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Tell him you don`t believe in Blow Jobs.

See how that goes over.

Besides that simply tell him you need warming up.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

SepticChange said:


> Yeah, he won't buy a sex manual. If I get one he'll tease me for getting it and might listen to a few things I read to him out of it but dismiss it. He thinks he's a sex God lol. He's had way too many sexual partners to count plus who knows how many he paid for it so me bringing that up might be a blow to his ego. But I will talk to him anyway. The manual will not help. Like you said he's young (24) and thinks he knows it all but really doesn't. Not saying I do, he's my 3rd intimate partner but I just want to help him get to know my body, that's all. Not trying to damage his ego. Every woman is different, just want him to know that. Thanks.


Then you will pay the price of his ignorance, and eventually he will too.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Wrench said:


> I'll trade ya, my stbx has always liked it fast. I'm a big fan of foreplay and teasing each other:smthumbup:
> 
> Here's how I got "trained" by the woman before her, she would slow me down by talking and telling me what to do and how hot it was making her.
> 
> ...


Thanks, Wrench, I'll keep that in mind. He can be an impatient lover but I'll have to try and change that since it's not getting very far with me. I love foreplay and being teased and wouldn't mind if it didn't get farther than that at times because it's just so fun! But we're still learning what the other likes. It'll be an interesting ride.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dated/lived with a guy like that for a while. He thought he was 'the man' because of his sexual past...then I realized they were mostly one night stands. You don't have to be GOOD to have a one night stand.

He was a horrible lover. I couldn't live my life with bad sex. I left and didn't look back.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Tell him you don`t believe in Blow Jobs.
> 
> See how that goes over.
> 
> Besides that simply tell him you need warming up.


I wish just telling him was easy. Got to find a way to get him to understand instead of him just thinking I don't like what he's doing. I don't think it really hurts our sex life it just hurts ME at first, ha. Once we get past that it's fine but I'm sure it'll frustrate me me in the long run if this doesn't get resolved now.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I dated/lived with a guy like that for a while. He thought he was 'the man' because of his sexual past...then I realized they were mostly one night stands. You don't have to be GOOD to have a one night stand.
> 
> He was a horrible lover. I couldn't live my life with bad sex. I left and didn't look back.


True that, girl!


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

michzz said:


> Then you will pay the price of his ignorance, and eventually he will too.


We might already be starting to pay the price. I'm trying to change this.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

He needs to grow up and get over his ego. Because having a big inflated ego will not help your marriage anyway.

You do not want to tear him down and make him feel bad, but he must care about your needs as a woman.

The first time anyone is with some one, they usually require little foreplay. It takes a good lover to keep someone satisfied in the long term. He should not be measuring himself on past conquests, he should be taking his measure as man on how he conducts himself, how he treats you and how much he satisfies you and you him. The past is irrelevant.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, if talking doesn't work, how about actions? Can you incorporate what you would like in to the lovemaking? Move his hands, move his head, give him lots of positive feedback - make it hot for him so he wants to please you? Can YOU seduce HIM?

Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books

If he needs his ego stroked, then do it - when he does something particularly tantalizing let him know, when you move his hand and 'ask' for something different, let him know how good it is.

Best wishes.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

SepticChange said:


> We might already be starting to pay the price. I'm trying to change this.


Start by telling him, not that he is lousy, but that you have pain that will go away with proper preparation. 

He can't have a look ma, no hands attitude.

And I'll bet he equates your silence as assent.

Do that enough times and you will resent him and take even longer to be prepared.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

He also needs to realize that not all women get as lubricated as some others. Just like some men have more semen than others, some women have more lubrication than others. I'm sure you don't tell him, "Gee, there's not as much volume as my last lover. That must mean you are not as turned on as you say you are." Because that would be ridiculous.

Also, if he likes to just "ram it in," you can say that turn about is fair play: Dildo + Anal - Lubrication = Sore Butt

Just my $0.02.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Do you masturbate? Could you encourage a mutual masturbation session (watching each other) to show him how much you can get turned on and that being sexually intimate in other ways (foreplay) is a GOOD thing!! Then slowly take steps to show him how to touch you and please you? There's a book called "She Comes First" that might be worthwhile looking into as well. 

I agree with Syrum though - he needs to get over his own ego and start thinking of you and both of you together. How do you encourage this though? I think it's by demonstrating this yourself. My thoughts are first to show him that touch (your own to start with) can turn you on and be sensual/erotic/sexy. And then perhaps demonstrate that you can make _him_ climb the walls through foreplay. Tie his hands if you need to. Drive him crazy through touch, tease, taste, smell.... before letting him have you. He might start realizing it's an extremely sexy experience to have and that half the fun is in fact in the build-up.

My 0.02 also.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, if talking doesn't work, how about actions? Can you incorporate what you would like in to the lovemaking? Move his hands, move his head, give him lots of positive feedback - make it hot for him so he wants to please you? Can YOU seduce HIM?
> 
> Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books
> 
> ...


Heh, yeah I seduce him which leads to the same thing...he literally turns around and jumps on me! But I think part of it is me also being sexually inexperienced. I have things to work on as well. They say it's partly mental but I don't want to be laying there like "Ok, I'm getting turned on now...it's coming...almost there" ya know? I want it to flow natural because of how he is touching me if that makes any sense. I'm also still working on what I like so then I can let him know and we'll be good


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Do you masturbate? Could you encourage a mutual masturbation session (watching each other) to show him how much you can get turned on and that being sexually intimate in other ways (foreplay) is a GOOD thing!! Then slowly take steps to show him how to touch you and please you? There's a book called "She Comes First" that might be worthwhile looking into as well.
> 
> I agree with Syrum though - he needs to get over his own ego and start thinking of you and both of you together. How do you encourage this though? I think it's by demonstrating this yourself. My thoughts are first to show him that touch (your own to start with) can turn you on and be sensual/erotic/sexy. And then perhaps demonstrate that you can make _him_ climb the walls through foreplay. Tie his hands if you need to. Drive him crazy through touch, tease, taste, smell.... before letting him have you. He might start realizing it's an extremely sexy experience to have and that half the fun is in fact in the build-up.
> 
> My 0.02 also.


As far as masturbation goes yes, I do...both of us doing it...I suggested watching him once and he refused saying it's "just weird." He can watch me though, and he has. When we're in the mood and he starts to get going, how can I get him to slow down? Beginning this thread has actually helped me think a lot about our intimate life. We don't do anything sexual besides just having sex...no teasing or playing or anything really. I think it's time to experiment! It could be fun. Thanks for your input.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

HappyWife40 said:


> He also needs to realize that not all women get as lubricated as some others. Just like some men have more semen than others, some women have more lubrication than others. I'm sure you don't tell him, "Gee, there's not as much volume as my last lover. That must mean you are not as turned on as you say you are." Because that would be ridiculous.
> 
> Also, if he likes to just "ram it in," you can say that turn about is fair play: Dildo + Anal - Lubrication = Sore Butt
> 
> Just my $0.02.


Lol good comparison. Next time he gets frustrated and tries that sh*t with me, I'll fire back with that. That should definitely put things in perspective.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

michzz said:


> Start by telling him, not that he is lousy, but that you have pain that will go away with proper preparation.
> 
> He can't have a look ma, no hands attitude.
> 
> ...


I actually became silent because he would sigh or get this annoyed look on his face when I would tell him to slow down. The other day when I was sore for nearly 12 hours afterward is when I really opened my eyes and decided to start this thread. Thanks for helping me realize. No more of that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> As far as masturbation goes yes, I do...both of us doing it...I suggested watching him once and he refused saying it's "just weird." He can watch me though, and he has. When we're in the mood and he starts to get going, how can I get him to slow down? Beginning this thread has actually helped me think a lot about our intimate life. We don't do anything sexual besides just having sex...no teasing or playing or anything really. I think it's time to experiment! It could be fun. Thanks for your input.


Oh chances are you are in for a lot of fun!! Have a laugh with it. Maybe keep a scarf or something on-hand that could be used as a blindfold too (if that type of play appeals to you). Trigger more of the senses. It sounds like you have a lot of unexplored territory together. Enjoy the journey. Keep it positive.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

No wonder you aren't getting wet! Your husband sounds pretty insensitive, and frankly, insecure. Young men are lously lovers most of the time but they usually don't realize it. 

I would buy a sex book for yourself and read it in bed. Don't say anything to him, just let him notice it. He may look over your shoulder and then you can show him moves that look interesting to you. 

I would also have a heart to heart with him OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Tell him that you are very turned on by him and attracted to him but that it takes your body a bit of time to release your love juices and that you did research and this is normal for women. Tell him that you wanted to reassure him that he's hot and to not take it personally. THEN the next time you have sex, have a bottle of Astroglide at the ready and use it before he enters you. You do yourself and your marriage a great disservice by allowing yourself to be in pain while having sex. It will slowly erode your attraction for your husband. You owe it to him and yourself to be honest. That is part of what makes a marriage work.


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## dearhusband (Aug 22, 2011)

From a guy:

He needs to know that it's painful for you and leaves you sore afterwards, and not in a good way... In the do it a lot less often way. You don't want to control the whole encounter, just the depth and force of the first 30 thrusts until things are acclimated. Sometimes it just takes "easing it in" and then when you give him the OK he can go for it. And So what if lube is required? Sometimes things are good to go and sometimes they're not. It can relate to your hydration and a number of other things out of your control - and as another poster pointed out you'll be dealing with worse lubrication at some point in your life anyway. 

Solve this problem now.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> I actually became silent because he would sigh or get this annoyed look on his face when I would tell him to slow down. The other day when I was sore for nearly 12 hours afterward is when I really opened my eyes and decided to start this thread. Thanks for helping me realize. No more of that.


He gets an annoyed look on his face b/c you have your own sexual needs? This would piss me the hell off, to be honest. I would say, "Do you see a **** down there? No? You're right, because I'm DIFFERENT."

Okay, I wouldn't really say that but he is a terrible and insensitive lover, but if he's a good man, maybe there's hope that he can listen once he realizes that you're not just being silly or complaining. You're asking us for advice to help you because you don't get wet enough. Honey, that's all women. Yes, we have different amounts of natural lube and within that we'll have more or less depending on how turned on we are. It's not a mental block. He might think it's you but it's not. It's women and you are a woman.

I'm not sure the best way to approach this because somehow you have to get him to be willing to listen to you and try to understand what sex is like for you and not be close minded. He has to let go of the idea of his ego hurting in order to open up his mind and do that. You think you're sparing him but going along with his way and tip-toeing around his ego but you're not sparing him long term. What do you think will happen 3 years into the future when the newness and novelty of your relationship has died, he still wants to shove it in and you've begun to resent it? Can you imagine how you'll start to see him and how you may become turned off to sex? Then there's a sexless marriage and he's on the board talking about how his wife won't sleep with him! (Just one possible scenario.)

The point is that as a married couple, you both need to be working on this together. You're very caring to want to look at what you can do, but he needs to get on board and learn how to please you so you can please each other. Good luck.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Oh chances are you are in for a lot of fun!! Have a laugh with it. Maybe keep a scarf or something on-hand that could be used as a blindfold too (if that type of play appeals to you). Trigger more of the senses. It sounds like you have a lot of unexplored territory together. Enjoy the journey. Keep it positive.


I def like the idea of tying him up and giving him lots of foreplay as a way to enjoy a slower pace. You can choose the pace, and maybe help him appreciate the excitement of anticipation and what it feels like when you are ready...


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> No wonder you aren't getting wet! Your husband sounds pretty insensitive, and frankly, insecure. Young men are lously lovers most of the time but they usually don't realize it.
> 
> I would buy a sex book for yourself and read it in bed. Don't say anything to him, just let him notice it. He may look over your shoulder and then you can show him moves that look interesting to you.
> 
> I would also have a heart to heart with him OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Tell him that you are very turned on by him and attracted to him but that it takes your body a bit of time to release your love juices and that you did research and this is normal for women. Tell him that you wanted to reassure him that he's hot and to not take it personally. THEN the next time you have sex, have a bottle of Astroglide at the ready and use it before he enters you. You do yourself and your marriage a great disservice by allowing yourself to be in pain while having sex. It will slowly erode your attraction for your husband. You owe it to him and yourself to be honest. That is part of what makes a marriage work.


:iagree::iagree: "love juices" :rofl:


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Oh chances are you are in for a lot of fun!! Have a laugh with it. Maybe keep a scarf or something on-hand that could be used as a blindfold too (if that type of play appeals to you). Trigger more of the senses. It sounds like you have a lot of unexplored territory together. Enjoy the journey. Keep it positive.


Oh yes, I'm a big fan of typing up. I never have with him though and stupid me, now I remember he has brought it up once or twice in the past and told me I was free to do it. I'm all for having fun and a laugh as we get to know what the other likes.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> No wonder you aren't getting wet! Your husband sounds pretty insensitive, and frankly, insecure. Young men are lously lovers most of the time but they usually don't realize it.
> 
> I would buy a sex book for yourself and read it in bed. Don't say anything to him, just let him notice it. He may look over your shoulder and then you can show him moves that look interesting to you.
> 
> I would also have a heart to heart with him OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Tell him that you are very turned on by him and attracted to him but that it takes your body a bit of time to release your love juices and that you did research and this is normal for women. Tell him that you wanted to reassure him that he's hot and to not take it personally. THEN the next time you have sex, have a bottle of Astroglide at the ready and use it before he enters you. You do yourself and your marriage a great disservice by allowing yourself to be in pain while having sex. It will slowly erode your attraction for your husband. You owe it to him and yourself to be honest. That is part of what makes a marriage work.



I'm definitely going to buy a book and just read it to myself. Hopefully he won't think I'm doing it because I think he sucks in bed. Let's hope he has more sense than that and will just be interested. But I must take my chances.

As for being in pain it's not the entire time it's just when he first enters and the first couple of thrusts. Sometimes in the middle I get dry down there and not realize it until he says it starts to hurt HIM and we gotta lube it up before continuing. But anyway, thanks for your input.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

dearhusband said:


> From a guy:
> 
> He needs to know that it's painful for you and leaves you sore afterwards, and not in a good way... In the do it a lot less often way. You don't want to control the whole encounter, just the depth and force of the first 30 thrusts until things are acclimated. Sometimes it just takes "easing it in" and then when you give him the OK he can go for it. And So what if lube is required? Sometimes things are good to go and sometimes they're not. It can relate to your hydration and a number of other things out of your control - and as another poster pointed out you'll be dealing with worse lubrication at some point in your life anyway.
> 
> Solve this problem now.


Thank you so much. It's nice to have more guy's views on this. I have read that hydration has lots to do with it and I tend to be dehydrated a lot. I'm working on drinking lots of water and see if it makes a difference. I hope that's it LOL.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Roooth said:


> He gets an annoyed look on his face b/c you have your own sexual needs? This would piss me the hell off, to be honest. I would say, "Do you see a **** down there? No? You're right, because I'm DIFFERENT."
> 
> Okay, I wouldn't really say that but he is a terrible and insensitive lover, but if he's a good man, maybe there's hope that he can listen once he realizes that you're not just being silly or complaining. You're asking us for advice to help you because you don't get wet enough. Honey, that's all women. Yes, we have different amounts of natural lube and within that we'll have more or less depending on how turned on we are. It's not a mental block. He might think it's you but it's not. It's women and you are a woman.
> 
> ...


He may be a bit insensitive but he is a good man and he made the decision to marry me so he must know that it takes work to make each other happy. 

You're right, if this isn't solved now then it will cause resentment in the future and I am determined to not go that route. I will just have to suck it up and talk with him and his ego will just have to take a blow temporarily while we work on it. If he brings up past women or whatever I won't stay quiet and feel guilty but stand up for myself. He has a quick temper and if he gets mad, so be it. Thanks for the advice.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> He may be a bit insensitive but he is a good man and he made the decision to marry me so he must know that it takes work to make each other happy.
> 
> You're right, if this isn't solved now then it will cause resentment in the future and I am determined to not go that route. I will just have to suck it up and talk with him and his ego will just have to take a blow temporarily while we work on it. If he brings up past women or whatever I won't stay quiet and feel guilty but stand up for myself. He has a quick temper and if he gets mad, so be it. Thanks for the advice.


Maybe this will help too: I, too, have a good guy with somewhat of a temper but I would try to fix things myself before going to him with it. While I still look at myself first, this is one I think he needs to get on board with. 

In my confrontations with my husband, I've found a few ways to keep the discussion from turning into an all-out fight. First, if you can approach it calmly instead of getting emotional, it will keep him from getting defensive. It sounds like you'll be able to do that. Second, it's best to approach it in terms that get the two of you on the same side of the problem. For example, it's not about him sucking in bed and not treating you right, it's about you learning each other so you can both be happy long term, and you need to learn to communicate your needs as much as he needs to learn to listen and be sensitive to them. It's just a way of reframing it so that it doesn't feel as much like an attack on him, although he will at some point have to be open to making some changes. Good luck!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> As for being in pain it's not the entire time it's just when he first enters and the first couple of thrusts. Sometimes in the middle I get dry down there and not realize it until he says it starts to hurt HIM and we gotta lube it up before continuing. But anyway, thanks for your input.


Yell "OWWW! F*CKIN' HELL, THAT SMARTS!" at the top of your voice over and over. If he doesn't get the message, try a rolling pin. Round the side of the head, or up his star, either way, that'll get through to him.

Seriously. Let him KNOW in no uncertain terms that it hurts and this is a total non-starter.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> Yell "OWWW! F*CKIN' HELL, THAT SMARTS!" at the top of your voice over and over. If he doesn't get the message, try a rolling pin. Round the side of the head, or up his star, either way, that'll get through to him.
> 
> Seriously. Let him KNOW in no uncertain terms that it hurts and this is a total non-starter.


:rofl: That is the best advice I have heard so far! I love it!


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Seriously though, Sawney Beane is right. Hubby NEEDS to be made to understand this.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Roooth said:


> I'm not sure the best way to approach this because somehow you have to get him to be willing to listen to you and try to understand what sex is like for you and not be close minded. He has to let go of the idea of his ego hurting in order to open up his mind and do that. You think you're sparing him but going along with his way and tip-toeing around his ego but you're not sparing him long term. What do you think will happen 3 years into the future when the newness and novelty of your relationship has died, he still wants to shove it in and you've begun to resent it? Can you imagine how you'll start to see him and how you may become turned off to sex? Then there's a sexless marriage and he's on the board talking about how his wife won't sleep with him! (Just one possible scenario.)
> 
> The point is that as a married couple, you both need to be working on this together. You're very caring to want to look at what you can do, but he needs to get on board and learn how to please you so you can please each other. Good luck.


I completely agree. I'd skipped to the fun part with trying to offer thoughts on how to show him that foreplay and slowing things down can be good. However he definitely needs to know sex hurts you because you're not warmed up enough. That is selfish, lazy and immature. There's been some good suggestions to you here. Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

All of you have been helpful. Sawney Beane, if I get desperate, I'll remember that!


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Wow, pandakiss, smart move! Thanks for the idea! If hubby has no light bulb moment then I'm afraid I married a dunce.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

U can't use lube? There are times my wife isn't ready physically and shell go get lube! That doesn't solve foreplay issues, but.it does solve it hurts issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> We used lube a lot at first but it started to irritate him because he felt like it should be natural. Sometimes I'm ready, after heavy kissing and he knows that biting my ear gets me going so he does that but come on, a girl needs more than that at times.


He needs to get over this and learn about a woman's physical make-up. Guess what? Every woman is different in the amount of lubrication that she creates, and that can vary just not whether you are aroused enough or not, but can vary based upon your age and your hormonal status (time of month.)

Using lube will help 'tide you over' during those times when it's not coming so freely. As my H and I say "lube is your FRIEND", so make it your friend too, and re-introduce your husband to it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

SHOW him how to take your time and make love TO HIM reeeeeeeeeeeeal slow one nite. Talk to him during it, kiss EVERYWHERE.... take your time, use the lotions.... make it all about him (except that you are really SHOWING him how good the foreplay and just sensual play is!) 

Also... put on a show for him one nite. Might be awkward at first, but it gets easier as you go. Strip tease dance, touch yourself, oil yourself, talk all during it.... make it slow, sexy and romantic. Again, its like you are doing this for HIM, but he is seeing/learning how sexy slow is!


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> U can't use lube? There are times my wife isn't ready physically and shell go get lube! That doesn't solve foreplay issues, but.it does solve it hurts issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have it nearby in my dresser and I'm always willing to go get it and sometimes offer but he declines saying that "we don't need it."


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> SHOW him how to take your time and make love TO HIM reeeeeeeeeeeeal slow one nite. Talk to him during it, kiss EVERYWHERE.... take your time, use the lotions.... make it all about him (except that you are really SHOWING him how good the foreplay and just sensual play is!)
> 
> Also... put on a show for him one nite. Might be awkward at first, but it gets easier as you go. Strip tease dance, touch yourself, oil yourself, talk all during it.... make it slow, sexy and romantic. Again, its like you are doing this for HIM, but he is seeing/learning how sexy slow is!


I'm not that much of a sexual being and not sure how I can pull that off but I suppose I could try. Knowing him he'd cut it short by throwing me down and just going at it. But he's young, that could be partly why I doesn't "take his time" like that. My past partners were into foreplay but not too much. Mainly because I was very inexperienced and now my husband thinks I should be? Dunno. I might be thinking too hard about this. Anyways, thanks for your advice.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Last night I kind of spoke up when he ambushed me while I was getting ready for bed. He tried to force himself in and I sort of moved away and told him he had to warm me up first otherwise it wasn't gonna work. So he just used a lot of saliva. Didn't solve the foreplay issues like someone said earlier but it solved the "hurt" issues.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> Yell "OWWW! F*CKIN' HELL, THAT SMARTS!" at the top of your voice over and over. If he doesn't get the message, try a rolling pin. Round the side of the head, or up his star, either way, that'll get through to him.
> 
> Seriously. Let him KNOW in no uncertain terms that it hurts and this is a total non-starter.


:lol: :rofl:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

maybe try to take the lead.


before you have sex the next time say I want to tease your willy until its so hard you can't stand it any longer. then I want you to bang me like theres no tomarrow!!!! I don't care if you cum in 2 strokes its all about you tonight.


but you have to do it to me next time we have sex. tease my sweet spot until I'm so wet I can't stand it any longer. and then I'll bang you like theres no tomarrow.

if he balks say good sex is much better when there a nice build up to the main event.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

chillymorn, I will try that. That's an exciting way to go about it. Kind of like a game that he cannot turn down. Thanks.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

The guy wonders why you can't orgasm, yet he does not take the time to get you worked up. 

He sounds utterly clueless.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Syrum said:


> The guy wonders why you can't orgasm, yet he does not take the time to get you worked up.
> 
> He sounds utterly clueless.


Lol just shows that quantity doesn't always equal quality. He's slept with half of Germany (exaggeration of course) but can't seem to solve or want to solve problems in the bedroom :scratchhead:

At any rate, I'm not giving up. Too early for that. I'm determined to get past this.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> I have it nearby in my dresser and I'm always willing to go get it and sometimes offer but he declines saying that "we don't need it."


Tell him liberally using lube will prolong HIS pleasure too. All that slippy sliding can keep him from coming too quickly.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Tell him liberally using lube will prolong HIS pleasure too. All that slippy sliding can keep him from coming too quickly.


Didn't know this. Anyway, typically we don't have sex for that long anyway, 30 minutes tops on average, which is fine for us.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Syrum said:


> The guy wonders why you can't orgasm, yet he does not take the time to get you worked up.
> 
> He sounds utterly clueless.


:iagree:

And SC I saw your thread that you did have an orgasm but it didn't make sex any more or less appealing to you. Even if he's had the quantity - it sounds like you're going to need to be the teacher here. Take matters into your own hands. Pun intended


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## NWKindaguy (Sep 2, 2011)

Next time he is standing in the bathroom like after his taking a shower, grab his flaccid penis and say "See your not always ready to go..."


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

NWKindaguy said:


> Next time he is standing in the bathroom like after his taking a shower, grab his flaccid penis and say "See your not always ready to go..."


Lmao good iea.


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## Rosie123 (Sep 5, 2011)

It's ALL about communication. The more you talk, the more you learn about each other. This can be hard early in marriage, especially if you are young. As long as you are both willing to talk and work with each other / put in the effort, you'll get there. Just like everything in life, good sex takes practice! Men often don't like talking, but too bad, it's necessary. I'm sure that if you sit down with him out of the bedroom, at a low stress time when no one's busy to tell him how you feel and that it's important to you, he will be willing to listen. Good luck!


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> When we're in the mood and he starts to get going, how can I get him to slow down? .


Look at the ceiling in a bored sort of way and say, "Mauve. I think I'll paint the ceiling mauve."

Or yawn. A lot.

Or, before he starts, say, "Is this going to be the usual 0 to 60 in four seconds, or will we try something interesting for a change?"


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