# Porn less than 24hrs after sex?



## BlueButterfly80

I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years now. Porn has been an on again off again issue throughout our whole marriage. I have tried to be understanding about it...telling myself that it's just what guys do. But it still keeps eating at me.. The two biggest issues I have with it is, I think it is escalating to bigger issues.. he has recently been going on craiglist personals!! And the 2nd issue is he will go on porn whether it to be watching videos or looking at pictures less than 24 hrs after we have sex!! This makes no sense at all to me.. why feel the need to go look at other naked ladies after we just had sex. Even though we have a healthy sex life...I have thought in the past that this was all my fault that I am not satisfying him the way he needs to be satisfied... so I have done things with him that I can guarantee very few wives would even think about doing with their husbands. But even after a night of crazy kinky sex(fulfilling one of his fantasies) he goes on craigslist personals and porn sites the next day!

I have talked to him in the past about it and I have told him that porn is ruining our relationship, but he doesn't seem to care. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not enough for him no matter what I do. I just need to know, is this just what guys do and I'm just being an overbearing wife? or am I wasting my life on him and its time to move on


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## *LittleDeer*

Firstly often I am horny within 24 hrs, sometimes a couple of hours.
It's totally normal. 

Secondly if you feel the porn is a problem, then it's a problem.

Thirdly he's going on graigslst? I think he's cheating or wants to and will eventually. 

He has learned that he can bend and break the boundaries because you are " understanding" and probably forgiving. 
What have the consequences been for him endangering your relationship and not putting you first? What has been the consequence for disrespecting you and your vows? What have been the consequences for breaking your trust? 

Do you have children? If not please be careful and do not have children with him right now, and find out if he's willing to do what needs to be done so that you trust him.

I'd ask for counselling, all passwords to every account etc, access to phone records, that he have no Internet on his phone, that he never delete browsing history. 

I'd also let him know you are unsure that you can stay with someone who would treat you this way. 

How much remorse has he shown?


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## CallaLily

BlueButterfly80 said:


> I have talked to him in the past about it and I have told him that porn is ruining our relationship, but he doesn't seem to care.


When people stop caring thats a big problem and redflag. Since he doesn't care what effect its having on you and the relationship as a whole, present him with separation papers and tell him you no longer care either.


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## BrockLanders

The porn thing isn't a big deal but the craigslist personals thing is alarming. Why do you seem so much more hung up on the porn rather than the personals?


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## FormerSelf

I would read up on material concerning sex addiction...this may be informative.


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## eyuop

This is totally normal for a guy. I often viewed porn only an hour after sex. This is because my wife was LD (compared to me) and it often was a few days before we had sex. Many men feel the need for multiple releases when they haven't had sex in a while. 

If I didn't have sex for a few days, I would sometimes masturbate to porn and have maybe 3 to 5 orgasms in the period of about 2 hours. 

I often feel horny after having sex with my wife and want more -- but she seems very satisfied (both sexually and emotionally) after her orgasm and isn't in the mood for at least 2 or 3 days again. It is like her battery takes a long time to emotionally recharge.

I would love to have sex every day (or maybe even more). I'm over 40, too. There are also women who are this high drive, too (but this isn't near as common).

I can sense that you can't believe your husband has the sexual drive that he has. My wife has said the same thing. She is completely bewildered when I've approached her for sex an hour after we just did it. She thinks I have a problem or something because my drive isn't like hers. She even feels sometimes inadequate -- as if the sex we just had wasn't good enough or something. She has this very odd (to me) sense that sex should "last for me" like it does for her and that if I want more I'm just being greedy or something. Complete and utter nonsense. I thoroughly enjoy ever time just as completely as she does. Even if it is only an hour later, day later, or whenever. 

Time for you to wake up to fact of your husband's healthy sex drive and not see it as somehow dysfunctional. My wife is clueless to my HD, even when I try to explain it to her.


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## totallyunexpected

eyuop said:


> This is totally normal for a guy. I often viewed porn only an hour after sex. This is because my wife was LD (compared to me) and it often was a few days before we had sex. Many men feel the need for multiple releases when they haven't had sex in a while.
> 
> If I didn't have sex for a few days, I would sometimes masturbate to porn and have maybe 3 to 5 orgasms in the period of about 2 hours.
> 
> I often feel horny after having sex with my wife and want more -- but she seems very satisfied (both sexually and emotionally) after her orgasm and isn't in the mood for at least 2 or 3 days again. It is like her battery takes a long time to emotionally recharge.
> 
> I would love to have sex every day (or maybe even more). I'm over 40, too. There are also women who are this high drive, too (but this isn't near as common).
> 
> I can sense that you can't believe your husband has the sexual drive that he has. My wife has said the same thing. She is completely bewildered when I've approached her for sex an hour after we just did it. She thinks I have a problem or something because my drive isn't like hers. She even feels sometimes inadequate -- as if the sex we just had wasn't good enough or something. She has this very odd (to me) sense that sex should "last for me" like it does for her and that if I want more I'm just being greedy or something. Complete and utter nonsense. I thoroughly enjoy ever time just as completely as she does. Even if it is only an hour later, day later, or whenever.
> 
> Time for you to wake up to fact of your husband's healthy sex drive and not see it as somehow dysfunctional. My wife is clueless to my HD, even when I try to explain it to her.


Going on Craigslist personals is NOT normal or healthy. It is a major warning sign. With porn it depends on what a couple decides together. Obviously the OP has been doing everything to please her partner. It is not that she needs to "wake up". He needs to wake the F up to the damage he is causing to their marriage. I don't think the OP and your wife are exactly comparable here. 

To the OP:

Being "understanding" will never change things. You will only grow resentful and grow further apart. Because deep inside you are not feeling the way you proclaim yourself to feel. Going on the backpages or Craigslist personals is not okay in any relationship UNLESS both parties are cool with it and you are not like most people.

It sounds like the situation is escalating. I was cool with porn until it started spiraling out of control. Then came the backpages and craigslist personals. Chatrooms, a secret email account. Then came strip club visits, phone calls to escorts. It gradually escalated even while we otherwise had a really happy marriage. 

My husband is a sex addict. He's only beginning his recovering. I was ready to leave him, and I thoroughly believe that he would have continued his behaviors and worse if I had not been ready to go. Divorce papers and all. Our marriage is "on probation" for the next six months and then I will decide if he has made the necessary changes.

Start snooping. Check out the Coping With Infidelity section on TAM and share your story. You might be in for a surprise now or in the near future if you continue on the path you are on. I wish for the best but be ready for the worst. Hang in there hun.


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## ALotOnMyMind

BlueButterfly80 said:


> I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years now. Porn has been an on again off again issue throughout our whole marriage. I have tried to be understanding about it...telling myself that it's just what guys do. But it still keeps eating at me.. The two biggest issues I have with it is, I think it is escalating to bigger issues.. *he has recently been going on craiglist personals*!!


Ok this is a big problem and a violation of trust. At this point he is either thinking about having sex with other people or he is already having sex with other people. If I were you I'd stop the sex because he could be giving you an STD if he's having sex with other people.



BlueButterfly80 said:


> And the 2nd issue is he will go on porn whether it to be watching videos or looking at pictures less than 24 hrs after we have sex!! This makes no sense at all to me.. why feel the need to go look at other naked ladies after we just had sex.


It is normal to get horny that quickly. I'm a 28 year old female and I will sometimes get horny out of the blue for no reason at all; it will just strike me suddenly, quickly, and very strongly, and I will have to deal with it. It can happen (and has happened before) within 24 hours after sex. 

However, I think your husband's needs stem from other reasons than just being horny. I think he has sexual needs and/or curiosities that he has been suppressing for years that he feels he needs to explore. This could be due to immaturity or excess testosterone/hormonal imbalance or lack of ability to do this and get it out of his system before he married you.



BlueButterfly80 said:


> Even though we have a healthy sex life...I have thought in the past that this was all my fault that I am not satisfying him the way he needs to be satisfied... so I have done things with him that I can guarantee very few wives would even think about doing with their husbands. But even after a night of crazy kinky sex(fulfilling one of his fantasies) he goes on craigslist personals and porn sites the next day!


Ask him why he goes on Craigslist personals and ask him what he is not getting from you. Be brutally honest and get to the root of his behavior. The truth will either reveal a problem in the marriage, a problem with himself, or irreconcilable differences that will be cause for divorce. Regardless of which one it is, better to deal with it now than 10 years down the road. Life is too short.



BlueButterfly80 said:


> I have talked to him in the past about it and I have told him that porn is ruining our relationship, but he doesn't seem to care. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not enough for him no matter what I do. I just need to know, is this just what guys do and I'm just being an overbearing wife? or am I wasting my life on him and its time to move on


He doesn't care? No, this isn't just "what guys do." There is a problem here, and he needs to answer directly, "Why do you go on craigslist personals? What are you looking for? What are you not getting from me?" If he cannot offer clear, direct answers to your honest questions, then you should ask him if he would be happier with a divorce.

If he truly does not care what you think or feel, why are you still with him?


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## ALotOnMyMind

eyuop said:


> Time for you to wake up to fact of your husband's healthy sex drive and not see it as somehow dysfunctional. My wife is clueless to my HD, even when I try to explain it to her.


Nothing wrong with a strong sex drive. But there's something wrong when he goes to craigslist personals...


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## johnnycomelately

I often masturbate after we have had sex. I think it is because the hormone levels are higher after a good session. It has nothing to do with being unsatisfied or your partner 'not being enough' it is just a physical response to the chemicals in your system.

The Craig's list thing is an issue that needs to be addressed...soon.


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## TravelingMan82

I've had live cam sex maybe an hour after having sex with my wife. It's just different and a different form of gratification. He's not strong enough to withstand the temptation. It's not that I'm not attracted to my wife but I think most men are naturally not monogamous. I think it also has to do with selfishness and not having other activities that occupy your time. I think if I had kids I would be more like my father who I've never known to watch porn and has been with my mother for 40 years. I don't know how he did it, but he also grew up in a different generation. Men also have that going against us, we've been fed porn from early on and fascinated with it, and pushing boundaries since puberty. I think the best way for a woman to handle their husband getting sexual gratification through other channels is to accept him doing it and use reverse psychology. As long as you let him know it bothers you it's going to make him want to do it more like forbidden fruit. A lot of women will shun this concept and say he's not worth it blablabla but most are more realistic and see the value in the long term. I hope my porn addiction is a phase that will end but my wife is not handling it properly in my opinion. You can't make sex seem like a chore or obligation, that takes all of the fun out of it. One example is my ex compared to my wife.

My ex had fake tits and would dress ****ty like low cut shirts, booty shorts, and she would dress like that constantly around the house. She had a confidence about her sexuality that made me want to have sex with her all of the time. She also wouldn't care if she made me cum and she didn't cum, to her making me cum fast was just as fun. 

My wife is the opposite, she'll wear boring sweat pants around the house, or look boring sometimes like she doesn't care. Then there's this obvious tension that she's expecting me to have sex with her or she'll be in a ****ty mood or we'll have this air of that something is wrong so now it feels like an obligation. I bought her some really short shorts and hinted for her to wear them around the house but she never does. Then when she's asleep in her lingerie with the covers off and I come in like damn she looks good right now but she's asleep......

If you can turn the tables and start exuding confidence and act like you don't care about the porn, he'll come around. 

Not saying this will totally cure him of porn but, it will distract him. 

Also if you can get one of your friends or a stripper to participate that could loosen things up a bit and show him you're confident...just an idea. 

All these biblical quotes and talk of vows is old fashioned and can not be interfaced with modern lifestyles and conditions. Technology is moving faster than we can understand or cope with the side effects, we're all dealing in our own ways and trying to figure it out.



****about the craigslist thing****
could be dangerous especially if he brings home an STD...I have also been guilty of this and still occasionally get hookers and strippers when I travel, it's easy, everyone I work with who is married also does it. It's not right by any standard but again it's one of those realities that date back to medieval times that you women think you have a glimpse of what goes on through TV shows. Men with money who travel are used to getting what they want and it becomes a lifestyle. Where I draw the line is that I don't do it at home. Out of all of the hundreds of guys I've known in my line of work, the holiest ones were the worst ones. They post bible verses on facebook, they're part of masonic lodges, they have this holy image that they're so righteous and even around the guys they act like they're above paying for it. Then when we hit the town they're the first ones out the door before the night's even getting started with a hooker under one arm or both arms. Reality check, we pay them to leave.


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## eyuop

ALotOnMyMind said:


> Nothing wrong with a strong sex drive. But there's something wrong when he goes to craigslist personals...


:iagree:


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## eyuop

TravelingMan82 said:


> All these biblical quotes and talk of vows is old fashioned and can not be interfaced with modern lifestyles and conditions. Technology is moving faster than we can understand or cope with the side effects, we're all dealing in our own ways and trying to figure it out.


This made me laugh. There were very big temptations back in Biblical times, too (and have always been). 

The city of Ephesus (you know, like the book of Ephesians?) had a huge sex trade. A meteorite fragment fell to earth near there that looked like a multi-breasted woman in shape. The people saw it as the image of the Greek goddess Artemis, the goddess of fertility. They built shrine temples to her. To worship at these shrines, there were female prostitutes inside that had one basic "act of service". They were there to have wild sex orgies with men (and/or women) who longed for a "blessing" from the goddess Artemis. I'll bet getting men to go to church was pretty easy in Ephesus .

If God is truly the Creator, He isn't surprised by modern technology like the internet. Just because we have easier access to things like porn now doesn't mean a thing about whether or not the Bible is true.


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## TravelingMan82

eyuop said:


> This made me laugh. There were very big temptations back in Biblical times, too (and have always been).
> 
> The city of Ephesus (you know, like the book of Ephesians?) had a huge sex trade. A meteorite fragment fell to earth near there that looked like a multi-breasted woman in shape. The people saw it as the image of the Greek goddess Artemis, the goddess of fertility. They built shrine temples to her. To worship at these shrines, there were female prostitutes inside that had one basic "act of service". They were there to have wild sex orgies with men (and/or women) who longed for a "blessing" from the goddess Artemis. I'll bet getting men to go to church was pretty easy in Ephesus .
> 
> If God is truly the Creator, He isn't surprised by modern technology like the internet. Just because we have easier access to things like porn now doesn't mean a thing about whether or not the Bible is true.


That's a very interesting fairy tale but I don't think you can compare the temptations from greek mythology to modern day western society. Back then information traveled through word of mouth / messenger while today we are constantly conditioned with images that the human brain did not have to process at this type of magnitude and it has an adverse affect on our psychic. 

It's much harder to travel to a temple with hookers in it than to roll over turn on your ipad and have access to millions of hookers from the comfort of your own bed.

I guess by biblical standards man cheats hundreds of times per day but yet the Priests some how can't keep their hands off of the little choir boys.....no thanks religion.


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## eyuop

TravelingMan82 said:


> I guess by biblical standards man cheats hundreds of times per day but yet the Priests some how can't keep their hands off of the little choir boys.....no thanks religion.


People have always been tempted and have fallen to temptation (religious and non-religious). Whether or not someone does something evil doesn't change what is right or true. You are drawing a false dichotomy with this illustration. By Biblical standards, all people fall short of God's perfection every day (including said Priests). This also includes me (I'm a Christian).


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## badmemory

eyuop said:


> I often feel horny after having sex with my wife and want more -- but she seems very satisfied (both sexually and emotionally) after her orgasm and isn't in the mood for at least 2 or 3 days again. It is like her battery takes a long time to emotionally recharge.
> 
> I would love to have sex every day (or maybe even more). I'm over 40, too. There are also women who are this high drive, too (but this isn't near as common).
> 
> I can sense that you can't believe your husband has the sexual drive that he has. My wife has said the same thing. She is completely bewildered when I've approached her for sex an hour after we just did it. She thinks I have a problem or something because my drive isn't like hers. She even feels sometimes inadequate -- as if the sex we just had wasn't good enough or something. She has this very odd (to me) sense that sex should "last for me" like it does for her and that if I want more I'm just being greedy or something. Complete and utter nonsense. I thoroughly enjoy ever time just as completely as she does. Even if it is only an hour later, day later, or whenever.
> 
> Time for you to wake up to fact of your husband's healthy sex drive and not see it as somehow dysfunctional. My wife is clueless to my HD, even when I try to explain it to her.


Sounds like you're describing my marriage, except we're both over 50. If he's rubbing one out because he doesn't get sex often enough from you, that's not the end of the world.

But I agree with the other posters, the Craigslist thing is what you should be concerned about. Sounds like he's about to be caught with his britches down if that keeps up. That, you shouldn't tolerate.


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## badmemory

TravelingMan82 said:


> I have also been guilty of this and still occasionally get hookers and strippers when I travel, it's easy, everyone I work with who is married also does it. It's not right by any standard but again it's one of those realities that date back to medieval times that you women think you have a glimpse of what goes on through TV shows.


I was enjoying your perspective until you trotted out that gem. You think it's no big deal to cheat on your wife with hooker's and strippers? Only if she's OK with you doing it, which I doubt. Would you be OK with her doing it?

Good gawd!


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## eyuop

badmemory said:


> I was enjoying your perspective until you trotted out that gem. You think it's no big deal to cheat on your wife with hooker's and strippers? Only if she's OK with you doing it, which I doubt. Would you be OK with her doing it?
> 
> Good gawd!


I agree. Hard for me to take any advice from someone who thinks having affairs is just the norm and is no big deal because "everyone is doing it". But he is entitled to his opinion like everyone else on this forum, I suppose...


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