# Any SAHM going through a separation or divorce



## 2bloved (Sep 18, 2012)

I'm a SAHM in the beginning stages of separation and I'm scared because I have nothing. I have no job, no money. I do however, have my Masters degree, but I haven't been able to find anything in my field. 

How did you ladies come up from this situation? Did you status make your decision to leave harder? How long has it been since your separation or divorce and what's your life like now?


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## SawbladeLily (Oct 26, 2013)

I'm in the same boat. I've been SAHM by mutual decision as parents for 16 years now. We moved so much with his work, it was impractical for me to seek meaningful work. I also have an advanced degree and there is not much around here for me in my field. It sucks and it has been my number one concern. Everything I have ever had is merged and tied up in our house and land. We are in the process of splitting, but have yet to file for divorce. He announced almost a year ago now that he had another woman. We talked about things, and my primary concern has been for the kids. I did consult a lawyer right away, and in fact, visited 3 or 4 to get different opinions and find out what my legal standing was and what options I had. Fortunately, even though I'm very angry this has happened, we still get along and things are very amicable. Since this was not the first infidelity I had to deal with, I very quickly decided that I was better off with divorce and didn't even try to discuss reconcile or anything. i just want financial security first for my kids, and then for me. The lawyers gave me some peace of mind helped me chart a bit of a course. I'm now looking for work options, but realistically, I'm not going to take on anything until after my youngest graduates and goes to college…. another year. It's hard, being midlife and thinking about starting from ground zero and beginning everything all over again. I don't want to move, but we'll have to sell the house. I don't want to settle for work that is not what I'm trained in, but I might have to since we live rural now. But I was feeling much better after the lawyer explained about spousal support and all that. It gives me time to get on my own. My husband continues to support us, and even stays with us in the house when he's in town to visit kids etc. But at the same time, I'm slowly socking away some money into my own private account too, just in case the rug gets totally pulled out. I don't believe that is going to happen, but other people on this forum have made me paranoid. My saving grace through it all is that we moved back to my own hometown and I have quite a bit of extended family here. If had to move out tomorrow, I have relatives with big houses where I could stay for a while so I won't be on the street, and a couple of good friends have been with me every step of the way and checking in with me often to make sure we are all doing ok. 
Long story short… consult a lawyer about your options and get an idea of what kind of spousal support you could be looking at and make a new life-plan.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Same sitch here. And yes, I am ticked. We moved abroad 16 years ago when we were both in the same stages in our career (and both making similar salaries). Moved every 2 years after that and had no work permit. We were always supposed to return to the US within 3 years, but that didn't happen. So, fast forward to today, discovered that he is a serial cheater and an LCB. There was no question what I needed to do. Moved back to the US with two teens and consulted with an attorney. Slowly rebuilding but my earning potential will never be what it was. I also have a masters. My financial future is tenuous and unclear but I am far better off now in all other ways.

I am 18 months out from separation. We should be filing very soon.

First steps for you, 2bloved, is to go see a divorce lawyer. Craft a separation agreement. What state are you in? Is it a fault state? Why are you getting a divorce? This all plays into what your course should be and a good divorce lawyer will be able to guide you.

eta:
Ok, just read your other thread. You are 29 years old. You have only been married 6 years. You have a masters. You have two young children. I doubt you will get much in spousal support. You will get child support.


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