# Sex toy



## Luluvelez2017 (Aug 14, 2019)

Im new here. I just got so worried I really dont know what to feel or how to react. Me and my husband are going 2 years married thus sept. Everything is totally fine "for me" he is like the "man of my dreams" but today. I got the surprise of my life. Im getting something in his briefcase and he kinda dont want me to open it for whatever reason, so i still kept on and opened it and i was just looking for the item I need and he started hiding this thing I have no idea what and then I get curious and tried taking it from him and found out that its a sex toy yes an artificial vagina with pump and lube and everything. I was in total shocked. I dont know what to think. Ive been so giving to him whenever he wants I always comply. We almost do it everyday. Sometimes im not in the mood I still manage to do it. I'll spice up some nights, put on my lingerie and heels and have the sexiest pose on the bed when he arrive from work. I always want to pleasure and satisfy him. But today everything crashed when I saw it. I asked him if I was never enough and he said he just used it like 3x. I told him that why he ever need to hide it from me. I will try to understand but at least make me understand first. I feel like he has no more reason to need that thing and then he bought himself and he said it was 4 months ago. He only uses it if im still at work. But I always go home every night. And we always so intimate almost 5x a week. I dont know if he is losing his interest on me. I feel so down. I thought i was way enough and I guess he needed more. I need advice. I feel like i was torn apart.


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## Luluvelez2017 (Aug 14, 2019)

Would you let your husband buy himself a sex toy? Can sex toy ruin a marriage? What if I dont want him to use sex toy am I being selfish?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Luluvelez2017 said:


> Would you let your husband buy himself a sex toy? Can sex toy ruin a marriage? What if I dont want him to use sex toy am I being selfish?


Would this sex toy in any way be a replacement for/used in place of you, or would it be strictly in addition to your partner sex? 

Is it something you could use together or something he wants to keep to himself?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think the genders matter. Sex toys are fine if used together, or when a partner doesn't want sex, but I think turning a partner down for sex and then using a toy shouldn't happen often.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

*Re: Hi everyone!*

Oh geez, I would be crushed too and don't think I would deal with that. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. An artificial vagina with a pump??? I would never try to compete. I'd let that thing have him all to itself if I felt like I was competing with it.

Possibility #1
You might want to consider that as long as his use of it doesn't interfere with your time together, then it doesn't really matter. While some men can only dream of getting sex 5 times a week, perhaps it's not enough for him. Maybe he wants sex 7 days week, in which case it's perfectly acceptable if you're not in the mood 7 days a week. So that might not be a matter of YOU not being enough for him but that the number of times per week isn't enough, so he prefers the toy to his hand.

Possibility #2
Sometimes you have your monthly, which probably takes sex off the table for those days. But surely you can understand that your mood and your cycle don't dictate his libido. Those 3-7 consecutive days (whatever number of days you menses is) can be hard for a guy to get through. You probably already know that he takes care of himself sometimes so again, maybe he prefers the toy to his hand. 

Possibility #3
Maybe he likes you both at different times of the day. The thing was in his briefcase so it appears he uses it while at work or during his commute. I would certainly prefer he uses the artificial type to bending his secretary over his desk. And then he's home with you in the evening for your time together. No real harm done.

Possibility #4
Maybe it's a combination of all the above - all of which are mostly acceptable and understandable. Some of it might make him appear just a wee bit oversexed but certainly not to any degree as sexual addiction and doesn't seem that he is replacing you or that you're not enough for him.

All of this is just my own speculation and guessing at possibilities. You have to find out his real reasons since his use of it bothers you. But he was hiding it from you, which indicates his embarrassment, so I'm not sure how hard you should push for answers.

But I don't think you should believe that he's only used it a few times. Only 3 times in 4 fours months??? Highly unlikely. Not to mention that maybe he's had it 4 months and maybe he's had it a year....for two years.....or since before you met him. There's no telling since I really think he lied about the 3 times. And if he did, it's more indication of his embarrassment, so why is he embarrassed and what else is he hiding? I would want to know, but maybe the guys here on the board can admonish how far you should or shouldn't take your curiosity.

I would advise you not try to push him to discontinue using it. If his reasons are any or all the above, there's no real harm in him using it, and it's no reflection on you. Pushing in the wrong direction like that will only cause him to lie in his agreement, and he'll just find ways to hide if from you better.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Oh geez, I would be crushed too and don't think I would deal with that. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. An artificial vagina with a pump??? I would never try to compete. I'd let that thing have him all to itself if I felt like I was competing with it.

Possibility #1
You might want to consider that as long as his use of it doesn't interfere with your time together, then it doesn't really matter. While some men can only dream of getting sex 5 times a week, perhaps it's not enough for him. Maybe he wants sex 7 days week, in which case it's perfectly acceptable if you're not in the mood 7 days a week. So that might not be a matter of YOU not being enough for him but that the number of times per week isn't enough, so he prefers the toy to his hand.

Possibility #2
Sometimes you have your monthly, which probably takes sex off the table for those days. But surely you can understand that your mood and your cycle don't dictate his libido. Those 3-7 consecutive days (whatever number of days you menses is) can be hard for a guy to get through. You probably already know that he takes care of himself sometimes so again, maybe he prefers the toy to his hand. 

Possibility #3
Maybe he likes you both at different times of the day. The thing was in his briefcase so it appears he uses it while at work or during his commute. I would certainly prefer he uses the artificial type to bending his secretary over his desk. And then he's home with you in the evening for your time together. No real harm done.

Possibility #4
Maybe it's a combination of all the above - all of which are mostly acceptable and understandable. Some of it might make him appear just a wee bit oversexed but certainly not to any degree as sexual addiction and doesn't seem that he is replacing you or that you're not enough for him.

All of this is just my own speculation and guessing at possibilities. You have to find out his real reasons since his use of it bothers you. But he was hiding it from you, which indicates his embarrassment, so I'm not sure how hard you should push for answers.

But I don't think you should believe that he's only used it a few times. Only 3 times in 4 fours months??? Highly unlikely. Not to mention that maybe he's had it 4 months and maybe he's had it a year....for two years.....or since before you met him. There's no telling since I really think he lied about the 3 times. And if he did, it's more indication of his embarrassment, so why is he embarrassed and what else is he hiding? I would want to know, but maybe the guys here on the board can admonish how far you should or shouldn't take your curiosity.

I would advise you not try to push him to discontinue using it. If his reasons are any or all the above, there's no real harm in him using it, and it's no reflection on you. Pushing in the wrong direction like that will only cause him to lie in his agreement, and he'll just find ways to hide if from you better.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Star, this is not a shot at you in anyway at all. But as you cannot imagine how she must be feeling, I think you should take that feeling and apply it to the guy you told to look into a penis sheath. You didn't see to have much trouble imagining why his wife would want to replace him with a sex toy or really empathize with him at all, except to say that might sting.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Lulu, so a sex toy cannot ruin a marriage, but what can is a lack of communication and a feeling like you cannot be honest with your spouse. I am sure that your discovery hurts and he is embarrassed/ashamed. However, there is stuff in there that needs to be talked about. It should be talked about calmly, honestly, and without judgement.

If he cannot be comfortable to share with you the truth or reasons why it is in there, then those things will erode the marriage.

I can tell you from my experience, there is no way there is a sex toy that can replace having sex with a person. While there are things that might help a person orgasm easier, it generally isn't a problem for guys and no piece of plastic or silicon can compare with being inside your spouse.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Husbands! Would you allow your wife to buy a sex toy?
Wives! Would you allow your husband to buy a sex toy?

now, it seems to me either both of these questions are wrong or both of them are correct. Which is it?


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

I would be sad that he had to lie and hide it from me.

I would offer to use it together. I would ask him if something is missing in our sexual relationship. And then I would let it go.
Buy him some sex toy cleaner (those things can get um...dirty) and toss it in his briefcase.

Masturbation is normal and healthy and you are already very sexually active. Many people want alone time because it is uncomplicated.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*Re: Hi everyone!*

I think your bigger concern should be why in HELL he's carrying this thing around in his briefcase! What's he doing, jerking off on the freeway? Closing his office door at lunch? Nauseating.



> He only uses it if im still at work.


Liar. If he were doing that, he wouldn't need to be bringing his toy to work with him. What is *wrong* with this guy? From the sounds of it, I don't think anyone is 'enough' for this guy. He's a dog in heat.

I wouldn't take it personally. Either he uses his toy or he uses his right hand, but either way, something tells me this guy spends way too much time down his own pants.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator note:-*

Please no more threadjacks and if you want to discuss sex in your marriage, please use the SIM sub-forum.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I don't know why the F I bother....

Yes, a sex toy will ruing your marriage. 

Good answer?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

InMyPrime said:


> I don't know why the F I bother....
> 
> Yes, a sex toy will ruing your marriage.
> 
> Good answer?


*Moderator Message:*-

Please, just take discussing your sex life with your wife to the Sex In Marriage sub-forum.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think it depends. I would be super hurt and wouldn’t allow it because I never refuse my bf sex. I think if you are constantly saying no to him then I don’t blame him for wanting one.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

*Re: Hi everyone!*



She'sStillGotIt said:


> I think your bigger concern should be why in HELL he's carrying this thing around in his briefcase! What's he doing, jerking off on the freeway? Closing his office door at lunch? Nauseating.
> 
> Liar. If he were doing that, he wouldn't need to be bringing his toy to work with him. What is *wrong* with this guy? From the sounds of it, I don't think anyone is 'enough' for this guy. He's a dog in heat.
> 
> I wouldn't take it personally. Either he uses his toy or he uses his right hand, but either way, something tells me this guy spends way too much time down his own pants.


Yeah, that's why I said he seems oversexed. Possibly using it at work or on his commute seems a little much, but whatever. I also thought that perhaps he only uses it at home and just keeps it in his briefcase so she wouldn't find it, whereas she would probably find it he hid it somewhere in the house. Just thinking that might be his concern.

But thinking about all the possibilities now, it could explain his embarrassment. Maybe he knows he is oversexed and has kept that fact from her all this time.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

*Re: Hi everyone!*

From what you posted, he's not using "this thing" to replace you. 
As long as he's not doing anything with anyone else and isn't neglecting you, the situation is at least contained. 
By itself, it's not cheating since no one else is involved. It is sexual activity that doesn't include you. 
There are minor reasons for concerns, but not huge ones. 

He appears to have a massive sex drive. Do what you can to meet his needs to the extent you can. 
This isn't a M ending situation or anything like that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Luluvelez2017 I have combined your two threads and moved it to the Sex In Marriage Forum.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I have no problem with my GF getting a toy, but I've told her get and use what you like but don't insert anything inside your vagina. 
She's cool with that.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Luluvelez2017 said:


> Would you let your husband buy himself a sex toy? Can sex toy ruin a marriage? What if I dont want him to use sex toy am I being selfish?


When it comes to male sexuality and self exploration, curiosity is often the driving factor. For example:



what does a penis pump feel like?
will a penis pump actually enlarge my penis any?
can I try successfully that technique that claims to make my orgasms last longer during intercourse?
can I delay my orgasm just with a breathing technique?
what does an arousal gel do to my penis, and if it works would it be safe to use with the wife?
what does numbing gel do to my penis, and if I like that would it be safe to use with the wife?
what does an electrical TENS unit feel like when used sexually?
does a penis plug really make me feel like having an endless ejaculation?
do cøck rings change the way sex feels?
why are their claims that ejaculation can delayed if the balls are stretched and does that feel good or bad?
and the list never ends...

Generally speaking I think most men if curious enough would want to learn about most of these things via discrete self exploration first before bringing an idea into the bedroom for further exploration as a couple. Some people like certain things that other people do not. Sometimes you never know until you try something yourself and see what happens. 

If you want my advice, I would encourage him to self explore and perhaps buy him some fun gifts to try out. That way he will be thinking about you and feeling that you care about this aspect of his sexuality versus struggling with shame or feeling awkward. This way he will be much more open to sharing with you what he learns so that you can learn alongside his self exploration efforts. The idea is that self exploration can actually be used to bring the two of you closer as opposed to something that puts distance.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I've bought my wife sex toys, including in the past some realistic shaped penis ones that were bigger than I am. We mostly used them together. The only think that slightly miffed me about her using them alone was that she sometimes did during times when she turned me down for sex. Otherwise - if she was feeling horny and wanted to get off I see no harm as long as it didn't interfere with our sex life. 

I feel the same way about male sex toys - fine if they don't interfere. 

OP - other than frequency are there fantasies (reasonable or not) that he has that you don't want to act out? Maybe the toy is part of those. If you find out what they are, you may be able to fix the issue.


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