# Preparing for divorce or separation...



## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

I'm not interested in MC.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Why are you waiting 4 years?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Buttugly said:


> What did you or you all are doing to prepare for divorce or separation ? I have about 4 yrs to go before I file for divorce and am looking for suggestions on the best way to prepare financially, we have no retirement saved , but our house is fully paid for ...I've started secretly saving cash on the side because he is not a saver he will spend every penny I save if he knows about it . I'm married 30 yrs , I'm 53 yrs old we have 2 children 22 and 15 , work but not much pay looking into going back to college and I'm the one who wants out ...I'm not interested in MC.


Does he know that you are going to divorce him? If not please enlighten him so that he can also prepare and plan for the future. It seems deceitful of you to be planning this and he doesn't have a clue.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

Why are you waiting 4 years? House prices are thru the roof, now is the time to take that leap. Are you waiting for 15 year old to be out of house?

Legally you are not suppose to hide any money at all, while you are married. But I would get a credit card with just my name and remove your name off any joint cards.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

gold5932 said:


> Legally you are not suppose to hide any money at all, while you are married.


You think this is news?


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Does he know that you are going to divorce him? If not please enlighten him so that he can also prepare and plan for the future. It seems deceitful of you to be planning this and he doesn't have a clue.


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

gold5932 said:


> Why are you waiting 4 years? House prices are thru the roof, now is the time to take that leap. Are you waiting for 15 year old to be out of house?
> 
> Legally you are not suppose to hide any money at all, while you are married. But I would get a credit card with just my name and remove your name off any joint cards.


I have no choice but to save on my own . He controls all the finances and spends anything I save without consulting me, he's a spender ...a new truck here a new motorcycle there , a home equity loan without consulting me and if I say lets wait and think it over he does it anyway . My name is on nothing I have 1 credit card in my name .I have to wait 4 yrs because our youngest child has three and a half yrs of high school left . I can also save what I can during that time ( I am a very good saver , that's how he got the down payment for the house 20 yrs ago my savings ) . I think between the money from the sale of the house and my savings ( that he can't know about or he will spend it ) I will have a good start after the divorce , I'm not asking for spousal support . Our roof shingles are falling off our plumbing needs work ECT but anytime I save $$$ he spends it on something else between his spending and total lack of real communication or real interest in our marriage or children I am totally done and have to get out of this marriage to emotionally and mentally save myself . In 4 yrs I'll be eligible for senior low income housing over 55 + that's what I plan to do I don't want the responsibility of a house an apt is fine for me . He knows I want a separation and a divorce but I know how he thinks , he thinks I'm going nowhere he's too full of himself . I've tried talking to him but he doesn't share a thing with me about anything real, all superficial stuff ...so he keep things pleasant hoping the issues we have will simply vanish . Except I plan to vanish from the marriage. I never ever want to be in another romantic relationship again I never want to be yoked by marriage again .


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Does he know that you are going to divorce him? If not please enlighten him so that he can also prepare and plan for the future. It seems deceitful of you to be planning this and he doesn't have a clue.


Yes he knows I told him and has his head in the sand , the only way to enlighten him is for him to pull his head out of it...We sleep in separate beds so its obvious too .


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

hubbyintrubby said:


> Why are you waiting 4 years?


The youngest is 15?


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> The youngest is 15?


Yes


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Buttugly said:


> Yes he knows and has his head in the sand , the only way to enlighten him is for him to pull his head out of it...


So he knows that in 4 years time you are going to divorce him and that you are making preparations and saving up money?
Why not just do it now. Your child will be very upset whenever you do it . If you really hate being with him that much, how can you bear to live with him for so long?


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> So he knows that in 4 years time you are going to divorce him and that you are making preparations and saving up money?
> Why not just do it now. Your child will be very upset whenever you do it . If you really hate being with him that much, how can you bear to live with him for so long?


I've been with him for 30 yrs so 4 more years won't make much of a difference at this point I'm not willing after 30 yrs of hardship cut off my nose to spite my face financially , going by emotions now will not do me good later . I've had a pretty hard life ....all of it and I can do 4 more yrs of this if it means I can support myself , I do not want to be a burden to my children as I age ...so I'm staying the 4 yrs. I don't hate my H I do resent him though ...in addition we have absolutely nothing in common anymore , I don't want to go I to the relationship details too much or I'd write a novel . I cannot allow my life to be ruined or controlled by him after 30 yrs there's a lot of water under that bridge and I want out ...in 4 yrs .Do you have any advice to prepare myself to divorce in 4 yrs ?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Does he know that you are going to divorce him? If not please enlighten him so that he can also prepare and plan for the future. It seems deceitful of you to be planning this and he doesn't have a clue.


You may be correct in saying this. Maybe he is not a cad, or a brute. It is a Christian thing to treat a man you do not hate 'fairly'.

She is not interested in MC.

I am assuming her husband is living his own life, having no cares at all for the marriage.

Never call yourself butt ugly. Some butts are found attractive by another beholder. Personalities are more the attractive.


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> You may be correct in saying this. Maybe he is a cad, or a brute.
> 
> She is not interested in MC.
> 
> ...


Actually i think I'm a pretty attractive woman at my age,


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

[.


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There comes a point when leaving is pointless.

That point is fast arriving. Four years at your age amounts to more than you think.

Ah, but I get it!

The part of not wanting marriage may fly.

The part of not wanting intimacy or romance, um, I hope that is the lie. 

God gave you a body to enjoy, not to hide under a frumpy duster.

If you do not divorce now that is four years of loving you can never get back. 

You are in your sexual prime. Four years from now, holds no such promise.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Buttugly said:


> [.


Use a larger font. We can't read this!!


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> You may be correct in saying this. Maybe he is not a cad, or a brute. It is a Christian thing to treat a man you do not hate 'fairly'.
> 
> She is not interested in MC.
> 
> ...


I have been more than fair to him believe me on this ...I've been the doormatt for a long time because I loved him with all my heart for decades but its always been a struggle with him ...I am worn out , I still love him but we have too many differences and he does not and never will look out for me , put me first or even treat me as an equal. Although I may love him still , after 30yrs and children how could I not ...I am miserable inside being married to him . I've sat too long with these feelings and even if he changed tmr it is too late , I have more resentment and anger than love anymore to balance it out ...I have begged, cried to work things out with him but he wants things his way ...so its his way or the highway ? At this point I'm taking the highway , we are simply way to different .


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## Buttugly (Apr 1, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> There comes a point when leaving is pointless.
> 
> That point is fast arriving. Four years at your age amounts to more than you think.
> 
> ...


I have no problem pleasuring myself and I have lots of hobbies and work to keep me occupied .... Run, hike ,bike ,paint , sketch, photography , garden , go to community plays pre covid and currently ... ECT ECT I keep busy. TY for your advice.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Go for it, you've got this handled. 
Literally!

Not, liberally.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Try to pay down as much debt as you can if you have any and start working on your own credit score. Also, start working on yourself physically and mentally. Exercise, classes, new skills.


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