# Is there something wrong with me?



## lustajerd (Nov 2, 2021)

So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.

the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex, once she's had enough it ends there but I haven't had an orgasm, she won't even finish me off by hand or anything, I'm just left there without cumming whiles she had plenty of orgasms, its been like this the last few weeks and I don't know what to do, when I tried to bring it up with her in the past she goes crazy and its starts a massive argument so I've stopped saying anything at all and just act like I really enjoyed it and it was great but it's basically just sex for her to orgasm and cum loads and then she's finished and happy and I still haven't cum, I don't even bother to relieve myself anymore I just get dressed and go about doing whatever I was doing,

Am I just gone crazy or overreacting? It seems like something stupid to get annoyed over but anytime we have sex now I don't get a chance to cum at all, she just finishes up when she's satisfied and that's that.


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## Angel wings (Oct 31, 2021)

lustajerd said:


> So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.
> 
> the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex,
> 
> ...


No it's not wrong to feel like that she just selfish and not thinking of your pleasure as well. Tell me are you maybe feeling stressed up at that moment when you making love my dear you should just let it flow maybe she have this fancy in her mind when she do it🙈you should try it think of something that make you high in the driver's seat and spin your wheels 🙈


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

She’s just selfish that’s all. Stop concentrating on her needs and cut out the foreplay and get yourself off, see how long it is then before she wants to talk. 
When she does want to talk ask her about having kids in the future and how she is going to get pregnant if you don’t get to ejaculate inside her.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why is she your fiance? Harbinger of things to come.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She is very selfish. How to deal with this? A sex therapist might be an option. 

Or when you are going to have sex masturbate first to orgasm and then say: "Well, that's my orgasm out of the way. Now, I'll be able to concentrate on your needs."

Why has her attitude to sex changed? Find out why and you might be able to address this issue.


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## lustajerd (Nov 2, 2021)

Angel wings said:


> No it's not wrong to feel like that she just selfish and not thinking of your pleasure as well. Tell me are you maybe feeling stressed up at that moment when you making love my dear you should just let it flow maybe she have this fancy in her mind when she do it🙈you should try it think of something that make you high in the driver's seat and spin your wheels 🙈


I don't feel stressed at all leading up to it, I always really look forward too it but in the back of my head I know that I won't get to orgasm because she will just stop it when she's finished and nothing else happens, we used to be really wild in bed, sex toys and everything, she can be very kinky if she wants to be but that's only if she wants to be, which is rare lately :/ I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the problem or I'm not good enough


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## lustajerd (Nov 2, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> She’s just selfish that’s all. Stop concentrating on her needs and cut out the foreplay and get yourself off, see how long it is then before she wants to talk.
> When she does want to talk ask her about having kids in the future and how she is going to get pregnant if you don’t get to ejaculate inside her.


I used to do that before when she was like this, she would freak out on me and say I'm being selfish and that i make her feel worthless because I'm getting myself off, it's a no win situation for me, we also already have two kids, that never stopped her from having great and kinky sex, before and after having the kids, it's only the last maybe month or two she just seems to be more interested in her own pleasure, I almost feel like a sex toy just for her


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## lustajerd (Nov 2, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Why is she your fiance? Harbinger of things to come.


Because I love this woman, the sex situation isn't going to make me not love her but it is starting to make me depressed


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

All I can add is think twice about marrying her.


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## lustajerd (Nov 2, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> She is very selfish. How to deal with this? A sex therapist might be an option.
> 
> Or when you are going to have sex masturbate first to orgasm and then say: "Well, that's my orgasm out of the way. Now, I'll be able to concentrate on your needs."
> 
> Why has her attitude to sex changed? Find out why and you might be able to address this issue.


I haven't considered a sex therapist, not sure how that will go down if I bring it up with her :/ 

Yeah no if I did that I am basically asking for a massive argument to start, she will get all defensive and blame me as usual


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

lustajerd said:


> Because I love this woman, *the sex situation isn't going to make me not love her *but it is starting to make me depressed


The sex situation is an indicator of how things will go in your marriage. And, yes, you will come to despise her selfishness and communication style. Run!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> The sex situation is an indicator of how things will go in your marriage. And, yes, you will come to despise her selfishness and communication style. Run!


Yep. If its like this now, it will likley only get worse. Not many people say their sex life got better after they got married.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

What's "wrong" with you is that you're willing to accept this, hide your feelings, and take all the blame for it. 

She wasn't always like this so something is going on. How do you try and bring the topic up? Maybe start with reading about "I" statements. That might make her less defensive.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> The sex situation is an indicator of how things will go in your marriage. And, yes, you will come to despise her selfishness and communication style. Run!


He says they already have two kids together.

He loooooooves her and says he is even afraid to bring the topic up for fear of her arguments. 

I predict nothing will change and he will stay with this selfish, argumentative woman he can't talk to about things with due to her reactions.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I can’t relate to this. My wife is not satisfied unless she knows I came, and fortunately for women it’s pretty easy for them to tell if you did because it tends to leave a bit of a mess.

So if she doesn’t care at all is it because you’re taking an hour or something? Do you have death grip syndrome?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Livvie said:


> He says they already have two kids together.
> 
> He loooooooves her and says he is even afraid to bring the topic up for fear of her arguments.
> 
> I predict nothing will change and he will stay with this selfish, argumentative woman he can't talk to about things with due to her reactions.


I am so old-fashioned that when I read 'fiance' I automatically assume the kids will come after marriage. Why don't they call them their baby mama?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

lustajerd said:


> Because I love this woman, the sex situation isn't going to make me not love her but it is starting to make me depressed


Sooooo....you're too *afraid *to stand up for yourself because you refuse to find your spine, you're too *afraid* to have an open dialog with this selfish woman you INSIST on keeping up on a pedestal (I guess it's easier for her to **** on you from above) because she'll "blame you and start arguments," so your ANSWER to being treated like garbage is to get all 'depressed.'

Good lord. No wonder women walk all over you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Did anything particular happen a few weeks ago?


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## Angel wings (Oct 31, 2021)

lustajerd said:


> I don't feel stressed at all leading up to it, I always really look forward too it but in the back of my head I know that I won't get to orgasm because she will just stop it when she's finished and nothing else happens, we used to be really wild in bed, sex toys and everything, she can be very kinky if she wants to be but that's only if she wants to be, which is rare lately :/ I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the problem or I'm not good enough


The problem is does she still make you crazy in the bedroom because if my hubby don't get a.......... Then that's something to worry about.. The first thing I will think his banging someone else. So be very careful when you approach her with that topic. So women are


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Next time, focus on yourself instead of her. You are fully enabling this situation.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Are you one of those guys that needs like 2 hours to cum? I can see why she might get annoyed and end it if that's the case. Very offensive to a woman if it takes you that long to get off to her.

If you're not, why not just announce beforehand you're going to bang, f, make love, whatever word you use for an extra 5-10 minutes when she's done to get yourself off. I can't imagine many women would find that unreasonable. If you just take control and tell her.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

lustajerd said:


> I used to do that before when she was like this, she would freak out on me and say I'm being selfish and that i make her feel worthless because I'm getting myself off, it's a no win situation for me, we also already have two kids, that never stopped her from having great and kinky sex, before and after having the kids, it's only the last maybe month or two she just seems to be more interested in her own pleasure, I almost feel like a sex toy just for her


This is a significant problem.

Whatever you do, do not allow this to be minimized in any way, shape, or form.

Has she been a victim of sexual assault in the past?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

lustajerd said:


> *I used to do that before when she was like this*, *she would freak out on me and say I'm being selfish and that i make her feel worthless because I'm getting myself off*, it's a no win situation for me, we also already have two kids, that never stopped her from having great and kinky sex, before and after having the kids, it's only the last maybe month or two she just seems to be more interested in her own pleasure, I almost feel like a sex toy just for her


So she didn't like it when you did it to her and you don't like it when she does it to you.

It seems like two adults could have an actual conversation about this.

But I have noticed no answer to the how long does it take you to cum. Because there are limits to everything.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

lustajerd said:


> So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.
> 
> the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex,
> 
> ...


Your fiance is extremely selfish, manipulative and coldhearted. Lucky for you, you haven't put a ring on her finger yet. You'd be crazy to do so! Run!!!!! Run far and run fast!!! This doesn't get better, it only gets worse. Once she's got you locked down with marriage, combined finances, a morgage and kids she'll own your a** and if you think this behaviour is bad you ain't seen nothing yet!!!


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

lustajerd said:


> I used to do that before when she was like this, she would freak out on me and say I'm being selfish and that i make her feel worthless because I'm getting myself off, it's a no win situation for me, *we also already have two kids*, that never stopped her from having great and kinky sex, before and after having the kids, it's only the last maybe month or two she just seems to be more interested in her own pleasure, I almost feel like a sex toy just for her


Oh man, too late, I now see. Well, my advice is still the same. Don't marry her! Run! Coparent and be the best Dad you can be but get rid of the selfish and manipulative fiance. It's only gonna get worse. She has you by the balls in the bedroom and that s**t will embolden her and bleed out into every aspect of your relationship, for the rest of your days. Get and read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "The Married Man Sex Life Primer".


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Don't marry her until you get this sorted out. Bad enough you have had kids with her. She may be selfish, she may be screwing around with some other guy and is using you as a stand-in for him when she can't be with him, or there is something deeper and stranger going on with her. 

What she is doing is not normal. Most every woman I have ever been with has been attentive to my needs, and those who weren't that great in bed at least stuck around long enough for me to get off with no complaint. Your sex life with her should be getting more wild and adventurous, not less so.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Livvie said:


> He says they already have two kids together.
> 
> He loooooooves her and says he is even afraid to bring the topic up for fear of her arguments.
> 
> I predict nothing will change and he will stay with this selfish, argumentative woman he can't talk to about things with due to her reactions.


I think you're right. And she will continue to throw tantrums so he won't confront her and she'll always get her way.


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## It'sme123 (Oct 8, 2021)

lustajerd said:


> So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.
> 
> the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex,
> 
> ...


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## It'sme123 (Oct 8, 2021)

lustajerd said:


> So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.
> 
> the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex,
> 
> ...


I have a few thoughts regarding your post. You are a great man for pleasuring her through oral


lustajerd said:


> So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.
> 
> the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex,
> 
> ...


There is not a damn thing wrong with you. You sound like a wonderful and caring fiancee. You are dealing with a significant other who is incredibly selfish in that regard. I totally get your frustration!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> I can’t relate to this. My wife is not satisfied unless she knows I came, and fortunately for women it’s pretty easy for them to tell if you did because it tends to leave a bit of a mess.
> 
> So if she doesn’t care at all is it because you’re taking an hour or something? Do you have death grip syndrome?


Same here, sometimes it aint gonna happen. She used to think it was because of her that i was not as attracted to her since she is 30# heavier. 

Some times i just dont get there. Especially if it is a bit to warm for my liking. Basically daily and it is usually 45min to 1.5hr. Hormones and age are finicky things. But my wife, like yours is game to continue as long as i want to keep going. They just keep counting for her so afterward she is zoned out like a heroine addict on extasy after her fix.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Divinely Favored said:


> Same here, sometimes it aint gonna happen. She used to think it was because of her that i was not as attracted to her since she is 30# heavier.
> 
> Some times i just dont get there. Especially if it is a bit to warm for my liking. Basically daily and it is usually 45min to 1.5hr. Hormones and age are finicky things. But my wife, like yours is game to continue as long as i want to keep going. They just keep counting for her so afterward she is zoned out like a heroine addict on extasy after her fix.


Damn 45 min to an hour daily?! I'm impressed...and a bit jealous too! My wife's sexual attention span isn't near that long especially daily.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Damn 45 min to an hour daily?! I'm impressed...and a bit jealous too! My wife's sexual attention span isn't near that long especially daily.


It also sux that there is basically no quickies, for her yes...but not both of us. And fact i have to get near point of exhaustion to get there. Since i have finally made her understand it is not anything wrong with her, she just enjoys...she is not stressed out during and wprried i am not getting there.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lustajerd said:


> So basically me and my fiance have been together for 5 years now, the sex is always great, although it doesn't happen as often as I like I don't complain about it or bring it up.
> 
> the only thing that is bothering me is lately anytime we have sex it's more about her being pleasured and having an orgasm but not about me, I give her all the foreplay she wants but she doesn't give it to me in return which I don't mind too much but when it comes the actual sex,
> 
> ...


Break off the engagement and find a grown ass woman.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Or, just drill her into the mattress until you finish and walk away.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

gaius said:


> Are you one of those guys that needs like 2 hours to cum? I can see why she might get annoyed and end it if that's the case. Very offensive to a woman if it takes you that long to get off to her.
> 
> If you're not, why not just announce beforehand you're going to bang, f, make love, whatever word you use for an extra 5-10 minutes when she's done to get yourself off. I can't imagine many women would find that unreasonable. If you just take control and tell her.


Each time is different. Two hours? Think my most tine is 15 minutes?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

lustajerd said:


> I haven't considered a sex therapist, not sure how that will go down if I bring it up with her :/
> 
> *Yeah no if I did that I am basically asking for a massive argument to start, she will get all defensive and blame me as usual*


So...?? I cannot understand why people are so willing to live in unhappy situations because they are afraid to have conflict or an argument. 

You are showing her how to treat you, which means you are choosing to maintain your relationship in a way that makes YOU invisible. WHY would she ever care about your needs when you don't even care about them for yourself?? NOTHING is going to change until you stop being afraid to make changes.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

Next time you have sex with tell her that's great but I come first, then assure her she will be well taken care of. If she freaks out on you politely tell her not to speak to in that manner. If you want to have a calm discussion on you meeting my needs I'm all for it. 

If she continues to freak out on you, shut the conversation down and go find something else to do that does not involve her. Do not engage her in any hostile conversations, just shut them down and walk away until she is ready to show some respect and have an adult conversation. When she is ready, politely tell her that your needs are not being met and that has to change. Do not continue to have sex and meet only her needs, for a while you will need to make sure you cum first and follow through with taking care of her.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

lustajerd said:


> I'm just left there without cumming whiles she had plenty of orgasms, its been like this the last few weeks and I don't know what to do, when I tried to bring it up with her in the past she goes crazy and its starts a massive argument so I've stopped saying anything at all and just act like I really enjoyed it and it was great but it's basically just sex for her to orgasm and cum loads and then she's finished and happy and I still haven't cum, I don't even bother to relieve myself anymore I just get dressed and go about doing whatever I was doing,


This is so pathetic. I can't believe that a grown ass man would stoop so low as to allow in a subservient manner a selfish woman who's only thinking of herself. This is due to you becoming a weak domesticated beta dude who's afraid of confrontation, afraid of her reactions, afraid of losing her, in other words you lost your balls somewhere and your wife's holding them.




lustajerd said:


> Because I love this woman, the sex situation isn't going to make me not love her but it is starting to make me depressed


Yeah, like you loving her has anything to do with the situation. Your lack of self respect and balls is what got you where you are to the point that now you're getting all depressed. **** that dude, grab your balls, toss the woman in the bed, ravish her, and come first, then finish the job with her. You need to have the balls to look her in the eyes when she complains and matter of fact tell her: listen woman, shut the **** up I don't want to hear your complains anymore, and turn over.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> This is so pathetic. I can't believe that a grown ass man would stoop so low as to allow in a subservient manner a selfish woman who's only thinking of herself. This is due to you becoming a weak domesticated beta dude who's afraid of confrontation, afraid of her reactions, afraid of losing her, in other words you lost your balls somewhere and your wife's holding them.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Dude, you totally nailed it. This guy's balls are locked away and she has the key. He must take charge. Your reply was perfect. Hope he takes note.


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

So, she’s blowing up over a conversation about sex? Well, that’s ********. Why accept being treated like that? It’s totally immature on her part. Any sane person knows that conversation is important. So, have the conversation and tell her we are having this conversation whether you like it or not.


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