# My Issue with Sex and my Wife



## Mahoney (Jan 28, 2018)

My wife and I have been married for 16 years have 4 kids. We are each pushin 40 however we both actually look good. She gets hit on and so do I. Sex has never really been great with her and she is aware of this. She is perfectly fine with not having sex for a month or so it just has never been a priority for her. When we do get down to business its relatively bland and boring for me. She gets on top handles business, maybe I hold her there for a while until she gets satisfied some more. She cant handle me while laying on her back so she just bends over and I get my jollies that way. Well its been this way for years now. I can tell that I need something more. So I will send her a naughty text message randomly while we are each at work. I even took a naughty pic of myself and sent to her. Then I get a lecture on how a respectable father of 4 should be more mature than that. I introduced some playboy videos in an attempt to spice things up and that hasn't really evolved into anything more. By more I mean I want some more foreplay some oral action on both our parts, maybe use the furniture in the room to jockey for position. She use to REALLY enjoy when I would give her a good tongue lashing and now she just doesn't seem to care about that. The other night I just walked to her side of the bed and ripped her pants off and started sucking and licking things which she liked but then I wanted some action too....I keep my stuff shaved and clean cause I want her to enjoy it. She gives me about 30 seconds of a returned favor then gets on top and handles her business and the cycle continues. Except this time I didn't get satisfied...I was more disappointed than anything. I have voiced my need for more before and she says that I knew she was boring when I married her. I would send her a naughty text explaining what I wanted to do to her and she would just respond with that I better find another woman for that. I have tried the measures I have tried so what else do I do? I have other parties whom are tempting me with things but I don't want them but I know I would get what I need.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This isn’t a case of your wife changing after marriage,she was exactly the same while you were dating so it’s surprising that you would think she would suddenly change.You knew she had a low sex drive but you still married her.Even if she tried to change you would know in the back of your mind that she wasn’t really enjoying it.
If you are determined to improve your sex life then you may need to look elsewhere but please do not cheat on your wife.
Either propose an open marriage or divorce,it’s up to you.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You two have gone to couples therapy with a licensed sex therapist, right?

Don't cheat, whatever you do. If you really feel the need to cheat, tell her you will file for divorce if things don't change. Then file if they don't.

Otherwise I don't have advice, because I don't understand what your needs are. I suspect if you read all the other threads in this section you will see yourself reflected in many of them. 

Personally I think if you aren't happy with the way she likes to make love there likely isn't much you can do about it at this point. You both need different lovers.

But don't cheat.


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## Mahoney (Jan 28, 2018)

I understand a lot when I read other posts. The thing that gets me is once every six months or so she lets loose and we knock it out of the park and she loves it. She will tell me the next day how much she loved it and that she is sore which turns her on cause it’s a sense of accomplishment. It just seems like that woman is not the same woman that is around most nights.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There is no upside other than the fact she is very unlikely to stray.

Those that love and live to play are apt to stray.

You have a good wife. Not a good lover.

Getting a wife who is a good lover is a flap shoot.

You have to shoot the flap many times over a few months period.

If it continues to move after being shot, you have a keeper, not a sleeper.

Just Sayin'

SunCMars-


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

How old are your kids?


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## Mahoney (Jan 28, 2018)

15 13 10 8


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Are the two of you comfortable talking about sex? 

Would it be possible for both of you to commit to a block of time where you hang out with one another - touching and talking. Not that it would need to lead to PIV, but maybe just exploring one another's bodies in a relaxed way?

Getting the children in bed. Turning off the TV. Shutting down the computers. 

I'd have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her how important it is to you and that you need more and are willing to make a concious effort.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Just dont cheat, you will destroy everything you have and cause immense hurt to her and the children. Its just not worth it. 
Whoever it is who you think is offering you more, stay away, she isn't worth having if she will do that with a married man. 

Have you tried MC?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Up your game.

Be more thoughfull. Slowly start being more thoughfull give her a suprise kiss longer before sex.

Listen to her grip about stuff stay engaged . Get her to feel connected.

Then gently star pushing the enevlope.

Just start going down on her every time. If your really horney just ask for a hand job.


In the end at some point you might have to realize that some people just are not a sensual.

A poor blow job thats forced isn't that great.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

I fail to see the problem. It sounds like she was upfront about her sex drive and the level of adventure she was comfortable with. Every 6 months or so she gets extra horny.

It's not that I'm un-sympathetic, I am. It's just that this is not a case of false advertising. Hell she even told you that if what you were getting wasn't enough that you should find another gal.

She was being honest, please listen to her.
Then decide if it's a deal breaker for you.
And don't cheat, what the hell!?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Make every effort to get over this period, this Wanderlust cycle.

It will pass. 

You have a nice family. A loyal wife.

Try to hold it together.

These yearnings come and go. They are externally driven.

Weather them out.

Pull your pud, stay loyal.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Honestly your problem doesn't seem that bad. You have a good wife and 4 presumably nice kids.....So OK the sex isn't up to what you want, but really this is nothing worth destroying a family for. Go ahead and talk about it with her, get to a sex therapist etc, etc, etc..... but at the end of the day even if nothing changes, it's not something I would be lamenting over too much. Start reading some other threads, and you will find your situation is really not bad.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Mahoney said:


> I understand a lot when I read other posts. The thing that gets me is once every six months or so she lets loose and we knock it out of the park and she loves it. She will tell me the next day how much she loved it and that she is sore which turns her on cause it’s a sense of accomplishment. It just seems like that woman is not the same woman that is around most nights.




Maybe your wife should see a psychiatrist.

My wife had/has tremendous guilt issues regarding sex. We have found solutions for us. Eight years of seeing shrinks has helped her, too.

Some people have some problems in their past you could not begin to guess. 

One thing for sure, if she had trauma in her past she should seek professional help. Please do not try to take care of it yourself.


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## Mahoney (Jan 28, 2018)

I am very lucky to have a wonderful and healthy family. I only brought up the other woman issue to sell the drama on the internal temptations I have. I will not cheat. The false advertisement is not an issue cause here cause she is who she said she was. I am just amazed how she can be a sexual freak sometimes then it
Goes away for a while. I remember one awesome time about 2 years ago she was a freakin pornstar one night. Then she woke up and didn’t remember a thing and was askin why she had hickies on her inner thighs and bruises on her ass. And why her ass hurts in general. I am like u don’t remeber? I mean she demanded I do the anal thing and this was after some intense foreplay. I mean it was awesome. Evidently when she drinks a bit she can let loose. It’s just I know it’s in her and wants to be unleashed. She is better person too after she unleashes that sex crazed part of her. We are closer relationship wise and everything once she lets loose.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's your typical inhibited prude. The way she is when drunk is the real her busting to get out, but then when she sobers up then Miss Patty Perfectpants takes over. Not much you can do with a person like this. 

How are you? Are you fit or overweight? Do you practice good personal hygene? Do you help her out around the house and pull your weight at home? 

One last question...has she ever mentioned to you that she finds you handsome and sexually attractive? Believe it or not there are women who have married and stayed men to whom they are not physically attracted to. She just may not lust after you very much.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

She needs to see a psychiatrist.

Seriously.

There is nothing wrong with it, you know.

Personally I suspect she has some reason to be repressed about sex when she isn't a bit drunk, and maybe a shrink could help her figure it out.


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## Mahoney (Jan 28, 2018)

bandit.45 said:


> She's your typical inhibited prude. The way she is when drunk is the real her busting to get out, but then when she sobers up then Miss Patty Perfectpants takes over. Not much you can do with a person like this.
> 
> How are you? Are you fit or overweight? Do you practice good personal hygene? Do you help her out around the house and pull your weight at home?
> 
> One last question...has she ever mentioned to you that she finds you handsome and sexually attractive? Believe it or not there are women who have married and stayed men to whom they are not physically attracted to. She just may not lust after you very much.


I work 7 days a week, I am 5’9” 175, I work out on lunch at the YMCA three times a week. She doesn’t compliment me or anything like that. But she sure as hell doesn’t like it when other women flirt or speak to me. And the thing is she is a pretty woman. The other thing is I think she thinks there is something shameful about sex. She is from a very catholic family. She is 1 of 13 kids. 2 brothers of hers went to seminary school and a sister of hers became a nun. So there is the whole you dont have sex unless you plan on making a baby thing, although she hasn’t stated that I do think there is something to it. I am in decent shape, I take very good care of myself in regards to shaved and clean. She sees my goods all trimmed and shaved and tells me I should of been a woman.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mahoney said:


> I work 7 days a week, I am 5’9” 175, I work out on lunch at the YMCA three times a week. She doesn’t compliment me or anything like that. But she sure as hell doesn’t like it when other women flirt or speak to me. And the thing is she is a pretty woman. The other thing is I think she thinks there is something shameful about sex. She is from a very catholic family. She is 1 of 13 kids. 2 brothers of hers went to seminary school and a sister of hers became a nun. So there is the whole you dont have sex unless you plan on making a baby thing, although she hasn’t stated that I do think there is something to it. I am in decent shape, I take very good care of myself in regards to shaved and clean. She sees my goods all trimmed and shaved and tells me I* should of been a woman*.


Oh for Pete's sake...:surprise:

Order this. As in yesterday. And read it. 

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mahoney said:


> I work 7 days a week, I am 5’9” 175, I work out on lunch at the YMCA three times a week. *She doesn’t compliment me or anything like that. But she sure as hell doesn’t like it when other women flirt or speak to me.* And the thing is she is a pretty woman. The other thing is I think she thinks there is something shameful about sex. She is from a very catholic family. She is 1 of 13 kids. 2 brothers of hers went to seminary school and a sister of hers became a nun. So there is the whole you dont have sex unless you plan on making a baby thing, although she hasn’t stated that I do think there is something to it. I am in decent shape, I take very good care of myself in regards to shaved and clean. She sees my goods all trimmed and shaved and tells me I should of been a woman.


Dogbone Syndrome. The dog doesn't want her bone anymore so she buries it. She has no intention of digging it up and chewing on it again, but she will stay by where it's buried and chase off any other dogs that come sniffing around...'cause that's her bone. 

She doesn't really want you sexually, but she doesn't want any other women wanting you, because she might lose all the good things that you bring to her life -- other than the sex. .


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

You could always ask her if she'd like you to outsource the kinky stuff.

See how it goes over.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On those nights when the children are elsewhere, are occupied, are in bed.
Bring out the bottle, let her sniff the cork, and you lick the bottled up hole.
Get it ready for the rubber cork, slide it in and shake the bottle with your bottom.

She sounds like a good catch. Her mind is preoccupied with the children and life's responsibilities. 

You could have a wife who is a firecracker in bed, and a dud with respect to the rest of a wife's duties. You don't.


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## m.p.murray1985 (Dec 29, 2017)

Ester perels book "mating in captivity" is worth a read for you i think

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


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