# "I'm just trying to tell you..."



## eaglespirit (Apr 22, 2010)

Communication. I didnt see this in the forums, maybe I overlooked it but this is the closest I could find to my situation. I am now considering divorce becuase my wife and I have already done counseling and all she did was clam up when they were trying to let her know that she needs to slow down and listen more than trying to force her opinion or topic on me. She is still saying that counseling will help but our counselor has already given up. I feel its a lost cause becuase she wont be humble enough to work on her issues as I am on mine.

She never stays on topic. Just to give an easy example, I could be talking about the issues with how she treats my daughter (previous marriage - I have full custody) and she will respond with something else that is not even on topic and when I stop her and say that she needs to stay on topic so we can resolve the problem she will immediately respond with "I'm just trying to tell you..." and repeat herself all over again. So we never get down the problem and a resolution. I finally just give up and then she gets mad at me because I gave up and she responds with "well I'm trying to talk to you".

She doesnt get it. Her problem she is trying to talk TO me instead of WITH me. What is your opinion and suggestions.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

maybe another counselor? also, have family meetings where each person gets the chance to talk about whatever subject they want and the other person is NOT allowed to say anything while the other person is talking and then practice the steps of active listening and have her repeat back to you what you said - not something else, but just repeat back what she heard - and go from there...see how it goes and let your wife know that she will have the chance to talk all she wants on a topic at the next family meeting


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Find a better, stronger, counselor who will force the two of you to stick to a strict conversation-based therapy - where you speak, then she speaks, then you speak, etc., until the issue gets resolved. Some people have to be trained on how to engage in a real conversation.

I agree with lbell.

Get a talking stick. One that the whole family agrees on. Then, each Sunday night, or whatever, you all sit down and discuss the family; whoever holds the talking stick gets to talk for 2 minutes (use a timer), and you go around the table. It will be humbling for her to have to deal with it this way.


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## eaglespirit (Apr 22, 2010)

Thank you. I will try this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Meriter (Nov 10, 2009)

LOL why is that funny to me? sorry. I'm just trying to tell you....
Maybe get a chock collar and buzz her whenever she says it. 

I know all about a wife that is too full of herself to admit she has issues. When I figure out my problem, maybe I can help with yours. 
good luck


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Oh, and make sure you _let your wife know _ that you are considering divorce. She needs - and deserves - to know so that she can make an informed decision to change.


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