# Feeling lost and confused . . .



## MariamDz (Jun 3, 2020)

We had met online and started a long distance thing. When I was 19 I decided to finally meet him in person to see if feelings were as real as they felt. Two months later we got married and I stayed with him and his family overseas for two years. 

When we decided to have a baby together we moved back to the U.S in July of 2017. Right after I had my daughter in Nov. 2017 I found he was talking to an ex. We had our first big fight, it was ugly and we worked through it. It just hurt because I had never had any trust issues before. And it look a long time to forgive him. 

A year later in Oct. 2018 I found he had a dating app in his phone. His excuse sounded legitimate at the time. I don’t even know what to think anymore. That’s really when I hated who I was becoming. I hated the way I couldn’t trust him. It didn’t feel the same. 

In July 2019 we took a month long trip overseas. We were in a really touristic area and he asked me to take his picture. When I had his phone I saw he was talking to a woman in snap chat. I freaked out and gave him back his phone before I could see more than just the name, a selfie he was sending, and what sounded like him checking in with this girl. In that moment I asked him who she was and he froze. For a year he claimed it was a guy from work. I tried telling him I was not ok emotionally and mentally from it and asked if he would go to therapy with me. He said only sick people do that. 

Last week I found movie tickets for two adults to a movie I had never seen and everything came back really hard. I confronted him again. He just got really angry, spoke to me in a horrible way and didn’t come home. He ended up sleeping in his car that night. I decided to go to my sister’s with our daughter for the long weekend. I reached out to his sister for advise. 

When I got home we had a long talk. He admitted it was a woman he was speaking with and how it came about. He still claims he bought the movie ticket online for one of his friends. I don’t know how he’d get the stub and receipt with his card number? Anyway I felt like we put it all out there on the table and reached a really positive place to grow from. 

This morning I found he was talking to a different woman from a previous job. The only part of the conversation I saw was him asking her why they haven’t talked in so long and if she had a boyfriend. I called him in that moment to ask why after everything we talked about this was happening again. He claims she is just a friend and he reaches out to her for advise with work. 

I can’t take the lying and the disrespect. I don‘t feel cared for by him anymore. I don’t think he will change. My situation is complicated though. I have a 2.5 year old and I am 6 months pregnant. I just don’t know what to do anymore.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

He's not going to change. That's a given. You keep rehashing, the same over and over, and over with him. Time to put a stop to it all. Are you economically dependent on him? if yes, get a free consultation with a lawyer to see were you stand as far as the law goes for his economical support. Do it. At least you will have an idea of what will entail to leave him soon. If not possible at the moment, the lawyer advice will give you an idea and a start as to what you need to start doing to get all your ducks in a row for when the time comes.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

MariamDz said:


> We had met online and started a long distance thing. When I was 19 I decided to finally meet him in person to see if feelings were as real as they felt. Two months later we got married and I stayed with him and his family overseas for two years.
> 
> When we decided to have a baby together we moved back to the U.S in July of 2017. Right after I had my daughter in Nov. 2017 I found he was talking to an ex. We had our first big fight, it was ugly and we worked through it. It just hurt because I had never had any trust issues before. And it look a long time to forgive him.
> 
> ...


Do you really believe that he married you because he loves you or for the Green Card? Have you ever thought of that?! Knowing that he has been cheating on you since the beginning of your relationship. Many men and women marry for documents while they have someone else on the side. My sister went on a date with someone once and soon (after asking someone who knew him) she found out he was married in his country, married for documents in another country, and wanted someone else to spend time with while on vacation in his own country. 🤦‍♀️
When I went for the American citizenship test they asked me the same question.Did he marry you to come to America? I had two little kids too at that time. I didn’t know how to answer that. I was like, “well I will probably never know the truth.”


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Two kids in 2 1/2 years with someone you don't trust. Why would you get pregnant the second time?

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It is certainly scary to have 2 children with a man who is untrustworthy. He's a serial cheater and I do question if he was looking for citizenship. He now has a child so he doesn't even need you does he?

Do you have family or a support system if you need it? You should divorce him, I don't see anything here that can be saved. He has spent your short marriage with other women. Get STD checked and consult an attorney.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

time to get a lawyer and move back to near where your family is. If possible have him deported out of the country. You made a mistake marrying him after only knowing him for 2 months. He is an opportunist and he will continue this behaviour. You are still young and can have a great life with someone who cares for you, he does not.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This man is a serial cheater and will never change. Never.
He’s a disgusting person.
Every word you have said in your post that he told you, is an obvious lie.

Divorce him and show him no mercy in the divorce. Have no compassion for him. Majestic him pay whatever you can for child support.

Consider if your baby is going to be a hardship for you, that there are couples out there that would do damn near anything to have a child, and would be able to give it opportunities a young, single mother could not. Just saying that’s an option, and that you would be bringing someone lots of happiness, as well as providing your child with two parents and a stable home.
Totally none of my business. 

Wishing you and your kids a happy life.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s not going to change. That leaves you with a choice.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to fire him from his job as your husband. He isn't capable.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

aine said:


> time to get a lawyer and move back to near where your family is. If possible have him deported out of the country. You made a mistake marrying him after only knowing him for 2 months. He is an opportunist and he will continue this behaviour. You are still young and can have a great life with someone who cares for you, he does not.


People don't get deported because they cheat on their spouses. If he's got a green card he's legally in the country until his green card expires. He can renew his green card or become a US citizen even if he's divorced. Deportation happens if he gets in trouble with the law and immigration gets a hold of him, and in most cases immigration won't do much since the person is a legal resident. 

Giving that kind of uninformed advice is not helpful at all. 

OP, are you working? Do you have a good support system? You don't have to live with him. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> People don't get deported because they cheat on their spouses. If he's got a green card he's legally in the country until his green card expires. He can renew his green card or become a US citizen even if he's divorced. Deportation happens if he gets in trouble with the law and immigration gets a hold of him, and in most cases immigration won't do much since the person is a legal resident.
> 
> Giving that kind of uninformed advice is not helpful at all.
> 
> OP, are you working? Do you have a good support system? You don't have to live with him. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are.


I am not au fait with the immigration laws of the USA but given they only moved to USA in 2017 it was safe to assume he may not be a legal resident as consistent with other countries Immigration laws (i.e. it takes many years with many hoops to jump through). I never said people get deported because they cheat, they get deported if they marry someone to get into the country (not because they love their spouse) but end up not meeting residency rules (unless it is automatic).

I do not understand why you are jumping down my throat. If he is only with her to get citizenship etc she has every right to get a lawyer and ensure he does not remain in the country, if he is not a citizen. I don't recall OP saying he had a green card either.


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