# Please help!!!



## nicole95 (Apr 21, 2009)

Thanks for helping! I am almost 32 my husband is a year younger. We been married almost 6 years, and together 9. We have one 4 year old son. 
When I met him we both were in college. I got my BA he dropped out. We had our son and I was a Stay-at-home mom. I still had a side driving job, cooked, cleaned, and did everything you would want a wife to do. He worked sometimes 2 jobs, and wasn't home. I was always alone. He wasn't out there cheating..just working jobs.

So now I have been working almost 2 years. I still take care of everything..work..and have all the responsibilites on my shoulders. We work opposite schedules, and the only time we really get is on the weekend. Even then there are distractions. He plays sports..games, etc..

Here's the problem. I feel I am missing out. I make more then him, have more education, do more here around the house/have our son. I never travel..get to experience life. 

I know life will be hard, I am scared. He doesn't want to seperate, but I feel I deserve to be with someone who wants to travel, have fun, and most of all work hard to support his lady.

Our son..I am so scared of how a 4 year old will do with this? Am I being crazy to want to leave when he is a nice guy that hasn't cheated?

He doesn't make enough money, and I don't think he ever will. He doesn't plan to go back to school.

HELP!


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## nicole95 (Apr 21, 2009)

Thanks so much for the support. It is the worst feeling! I feel worse, because I don't know how I am going to explain it to my 4 year old.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Is it me or is it a little shallow in this pool?


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## nicole95 (Apr 21, 2009)

Why are you saying I am shallow? I do everything?


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Ok i'm blunt here so don't read if you just want validation.

Your husband didn't work while you went to school? he doesn't work now? so what if you make more than him, it's for one household. You aren't panicked like your thread title: "Please Help!!" "I know life will be hard" you don't feel that way...sit him down and talk out what to do in your free time as a couple. When a kid is raised in divorce they don't feel like they really belong in either house, they feel caught between both. Then both parents over-compensate. It's ugly...but you make more money and need your fun. Posts like these irritate the hell out of me when a kid is involved.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

:iagree: I am with Martino on this one....you are very shallow.

My wife and I met in College, we waited until we were out of college, both Earning our Degrees, so we can have full time jobs, both wanted a good life for our family, we love to travel and do things.

We are both professionals, we have a house, pay our bills, etc. We do not do the traveling we wish we could, it's hard with Children and work, we have to balance our time off with School and the kids vacations. Our jobs dictate odd schedules I ahve to work Midnight to 8Am so I can coach My daughters soccer team, Both our son's play baseball, so either I cart them around, or she has to cart them to one field while I am going to another one. We also have Girlscouts and I am our HOA president.

Our jobs also force us to work weekends, so every other weekend I ahve the kids, or my wife has the kids and I sleep since I work the overnight, plus coach my Daughters games on saturday. This past weekend I got 1 hour of sleep in 48 hours, I finally crashes and slept 16 hours due to exhaustion.

I do this for MY FAMILY, my Wife and CHILDREN, it is a little thing we call SACRIFICE, putting your families needs before your own, particularly your child, who is only 4, so you haven't even started the sports with him or clubs.

My wife is the top earner in our family, I am not far behid her, but we understood in College that getting our degree will only make our lives better.

We hope to travel someday, but we currently visit family when we vacation, so the kids can visit them, we do it for our children.

So you want to divorce your husband so you can travel? even thought eh man busted his hump working two jobs so you could be a stay at home mom, now that you make some money you want to run off and travel??? :wtf:

Shallow is not the word for you, you are a typical selfish, me only person.

I hope you divorce him and he retains the custody of the child so you can go see the world Since you make more money you will have to pay him Alimony and child support.

good luck with that, travel....sheez....


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

nicole95 said:


> Why are you saying I am shallow? I do everything?


I am sure that if you asked your husband he would say the same. He worked two jobs to support you and your child. I doubt you are going to get much support with your desire to leave your husband because he doesn't make enough money. In most people's eyes that is shallow. I would be included in that group.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Okay, everyone seems to be ganging up on the OP and yes, it does appear she is a little selfish BUT, I think she has a right to be a little selfish in this situation. If the only time they have to spend together and hubby spends it doing things other than paying some much needed and deserved attention to his wife, then he should.

Being a stay home mother is a difficult job and often gets taken for granted, "oh you have it so easy" yeah, pish-tosh. Your entire life is centered around taking care of a child, cooking, cleaning and still satisfying your spouse.

I think talking divorce or separation is a bit drastic though, I think there needs to be some communication between the two and work out some kind of compromise. If wife is making money and the bills can be paid on two incomes instead of three, then he needs to lose the second job if he still has one...and if he is only working one job but opposite shifts and he's not going to advance in a career, then he needs to find a job more valuable to the marriage.

Travel is wonderful and there is much to experience but doing so with a four year old limits what you can do and enjoy at times. Plot out what you want to do and take vacations at least once a year and mini-trips on the weekends...then once your child is older, plan the bigger vacations.

There is a lot that can be done here without being drastic and divorcing...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## blown away (Feb 19, 2009)

"I know life will be hard, I am scared. He doesn't want to seperate, but I feel I deserve to be with someone who wants to travel, have fun, and most of all work hard to support his lady."

It would appear to me that you are feeling that the silver spoon is slowly slipping out of your mouth. The fact that you make more money than him has no bearing at all as far as I would be concerned. I make 10X more than my wife. This allowed her to be a stay at home Mom also. 

Shallow is right!!!!!!!!!


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

She's just looking for validation to go on an adventure. Plain and simple.


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## working hard (Sep 23, 2010)

Unbelievable. You are so selfish i almost think you are my wife( we are now separated).

My story:

We have known each other for 7 years, married for 5 years this fall, if i am lucky. A 4 year old boy who is great.

Neither of us have our degrees but now she makes about 60% more than I.

When we first moved in together, I got a job as an office manager for a mortgage company. This will be important in a second. It was not my chosen profession which is retail management but it paid some of our bills. My wife, needed to find herself after she left a sales job and took on a few jobs trying to find a fit for her. 

I counseled her in working a retail job. Now she is very smart, but being 10 years older than her, 42 to her 32 now, I knew more of how that career worked even though I tried for many years to try to get back into retail unsuccessfully. I truly believe my advice and ideas helped get her to where she is today.She eventually became an assistant manager at a high end clothing store for men. And had a nice salary that goes along with that.

After struggling with the bills, she paid the car notes and insurance, I paid for everything else. 100% of my salary went to our bills while she bought clothes and whatever she wanted. I don't know why we didn't split bills before. When she wasn't making a lot, I said,I'll pay the rent, don't worry. I will pay utilities, don't worry. We just kinda continued that way not sharing the bills along with our life.

Well, 2008 hit and the mortgage crisis, left me without a job, for about 3 weeks, and I took the first thing I could find which was a security job. Very low pay is better than no pay at all.

She decided 2 months ago she wanted to separate.

Worse part was this was after I got a decent job offer, yes as a security officer in a casino. This was I thought a turning point for me.Now, with this new job, I could afford to go back to college and get a degree that would jazz up my resume. I could get back into what I loved and I was good at it.And get paid well for it.

1 week after I accepted the offer, she says, "its just not enough."

Then I found out about the emotional, if not physical affair.

He is a casino executive with a six figure salary.Not the same casino. They have been "talking." They went on a few dates "after she left the apartment".I know, probably more but let's not go there right now. I can't cry anymore today.

I make more now with this new job than before. I can afford to go to college and make myself the ideal candidate fore hire. We took no trips during our marriage. Couldn't afford it. I sometimes needed to "borrow" money to help make rent or some bill because before i just didn't make enough.

I am sorry but you are just selfish, he works 2 jobs but that isn't enough for you? Forgive me but go to hell.


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