# Need help



## Wifeproblems (Mar 19, 2015)

I just for the 5 th time found out that my husband seeks and places ads on Craigslist, talks to a chat sex line and has meet up with other men. Believe me when I say that I want to make my marriage work and I don't know where to start as far as the bedroom. He claims he's not gay but seeks this out repeatedly. He states that he loves me and wants to be with me. Has anyone else been through this?


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I've been through the CL thing (heterosexual sex). It was the main reason my marriage dissolved. A few years later I found forgiveness for him when he told me he wanted to reconcile (which required him to divorce his new, quickly obtained, wife). We're now splitting up again because he decided that nope, he loves her and not me. 

Lesson: I should have learned from the first time that this man has zero respect for me. I don't think it matters if the sex is heterosexual or homosexual. Looking for sex on CL is reprehensible, so who knows what other kind of disrespect he's capable of. The things my STBX is saying to me are disgusting.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds like he's on the DL, love.

He can deny it all he wants but he's actively looking to fck men online.

Do you guys have sex? What's your sex life like?

Do get tested for STDs.


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

He's gay or bi. If you want to stay in the marriage then make sure he wears condoms so you don't catch anything from him like AIDS. If I were you I wouldn't stick around.


----------



## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

Wifeproblems said:


> I just for the 5 th time found out that my husband seeks and places ads on Craigslist, talks to a chat sex line and has meet up with other men. Believe me when I say that I want to make my marriage work and I don't know where to start as far as the bedroom. He claims he's not gay but seeks this out repeatedly. He states that he loves me and wants to be with me. Has anyone else been through this?


could you accept that he may be bisexual and would have sex with men on the side?


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Wifeproblems said:


> I just for the 5 th time found out that my husband seeks and places ads on Craigslist, talks to a chat sex line and has meet up with other men. Believe me when I say that I want to make my marriage work and I don't know where to start as far as the bedroom. He claims he's not gay but seeks this out repeatedly. He states that he loves me and wants to be with me. Has anyone else been through this?


From a health and safety problem you really need to have a serious discussion with him and protect yourself from STD's. 

I strongly recommend marriage counseling, if you want to make your marriage work, which may or may not be possible. This is probably beyond a DIY fix. If he is bi or on the Down Low, your marriage is in serious trouble.

Good luck.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Nope, never been in a relationship with a person who says they're not gay who has met up with and had sex with people of the same gender at least 5x and says they love me and want to be with me.

I hope that helps.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Wifeproblems; 

I had a wild thought that I would share with you. Have you asked your H what part of the "lifestyle" (either bi or down-low) your husband is enjoying and if there is any way he could get some of that from a monogomous relationship with you?

There are famous couples where the wife dressed up in men's clothes in private. For some women (mostly lesbians or FtoM TG) there is a thing called packing, where they dress like a man and wear a fake penis so there is bulge down there. 

There is also pegging that you could do to him. 

Depending on what it is that he finds exciting about his exploration, you might be able to give it to him in the safety of a monogomous relationship........if you are willing to and he can accept that.

Again, please get professional help and be very careful about STD's.


----------



## TakenforGranted (Mar 17, 2015)

Wifeproblems said:


> I just for the 5 th time found out that my husband seeks and places ads on Craigslist, talks to a chat sex line and has meet up with other men. Believe me when I say that I want to make my marriage work and I don't know where to start as far as the bedroom. He claims he's not gay but seeks this out repeatedly. He states that he loves me and wants to be with me. Has anyone else been through this?


I went through this with a long time boyfriend and while I'n married now and know theres a BIG difference between the two, I remember how it felt. My ex did the same thing to me and while I flipped out about the messaging or chats I stayed because thats all it was chats, and lets face it I didnt have the body parts to make him happy. But the3 second, and I mean second he physically cheated on me, that I found out about anyway, I left him and never looked back.

I'd like to think that if ny husband ever cheated on me male or female, that I'd be able to work it out, but i wouldn't. I'd be too hurt and pissed off to get over it and I'd be out the door. Some people can work through infidelity, I can't. Just remember his infidelitites aren't cause you're lacking its cause you're not the right gender and theres nothing you can do to change that. So where does that leave you? Hope everrything works out for you with as little pain as possible


----------



## justamale51 (Mar 20, 2015)

Everyone calls it "respect". But at the end of the day, I guess it just boils down to whether a couple is having good sex. Or not.



SecondTime'Round said:


> I've been through the CL thing (heterosexual sex). It was the main reason my marriage dissolved. A few years later I found forgiveness for him when he told me he wanted to reconcile (which required him to divorce his new, quickly obtained, wife). We're now splitting up again because he decided that nope, he loves her and not me.
> 
> Lesson: I should have learned from the first time that this man has zero respect for me. I don't think it matters if the sex is heterosexual or homosexual. Looking for sex on CL is reprehensible, so who knows what other kind of disrespect he's capable of. The things my STBX is saying to me are disgusting.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

justamale51 said:


> Everyone calls it "respect". But at the end of the day, I guess it just boils down to whether a couple is having good sex. Or not.


Oh boy, this is rich! So if a man is not having whatever he thinks is good sex he should go to craigslist and pick up people to have sex with?

Got news for you. Some people can have a good, wild, sex life at home and still cheat. 

If they want to have sex with others they need to divorce their spouse first.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> Wifeproblems;
> 
> I had a wild thought that I would share with you. Have you asked your H what part of the "lifestyle" (either bi or down-low) your husband is enjoying and if there is any way he could get some of that from a monogomous relationship with you?
> 
> ...


Her husband is cheating on her. He's lying. He's engaged in very risky sexual behavior... and this is your advice to her?

Would you tell a man whose wife was out having sex with other men that she picks up in a trash heap like craigslist to find out what she likes and do that? I rather doubt it.

Wifeproblems needs to protect herself. He's going to lie and keep up this behavior. It's not only cheating but it could kill her.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Unfortunately now the problem is YOU.

Finding out the first time is reason for a serious discussion about your marriage. Finding out a second time is reason for a serious discussion about divorce.

But you stayed for the first, second, third, and fourth times... each time reinforcing his feeling that this behavior, despite your disgust of it, is not sufficient grounds for you to leave him so he continues with this behavior.

So... what are you going to do now that you've caught him a fifth time??? I'll give you a hint... nothing you do in the bedroom is the answer.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

He's not gay but he's but it sounds like he's tyring to learn. Oh what the hell, he's gay.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Her husband is cheating on her. He's lying. He's engaged in very risky sexual behavior... and this is your advice to her?
> 
> Would you tell a man whose wife was out having sex with other men that she picks up in a trash heap like craigslist to find out what she likes and do that? I rather doubt it.
> 
> Wifeproblems needs to protect herself. He's going to lie and keep up this behavior. It's not only cheating but it could kill her.


Dear EleGirl;

"...and this is the advice you give her?"

While I agree with most of what you have said, the OP said she wanted to make her marriage work, not end it. I am not sure that is possible, but tried to offer a suggestion that might help her achieve what SHE (the OP) was searching for.

The following is not to start a flame war or to critisize you, but to explain to you why i said what I did. Thank you for your candor.



Wifeproblems said:


> ...Believe me when I say that I want to make my marriage work and I don't know where to start as far as the bedroom.....





Young at Heart said:


> From a health and safety problem you really need to have a serious discussion with him and protect yourself from STD's.
> 
> *I strongly recommend marriage counseling, if you want to make your marriage work, which may or may not be possible. This is probably beyond a DIY fix. If he is bi or on the Down Low, your marriage is in serious trouble*.
> 
> Good luck.


I think that there is little chance of saving this marriage, but if that is what one person wants to do, then I encourage them to try. I will also try to make suggestions, if I can unless there is real abuse going on.

When I was in my SSM, my wife was so angry at me, she refused to have sex with me for months on end and when she did have sex with me, she did hurtful, humiliating things to me at my most vulnerable time. A reasonable 3rd party would have said dump the Bitc#, get a divorce and start over. I knew that we really shared a lot and decided that i wanted to try to save our marriage. Ultimately, my wife decided she too wanted to save our marriage. 

Having been there, I am not going to pour cold water on someone who really wants to try to save their marriage. After I gave her the above quoted thoughts, I felt bad that I had not suggested anything that dealt with her core request, which was "...I don't know where to start as far as the bedroom....."

So I revisited the thread and gave her some additional suggestions directed at her original question. I probably should have put more context around my second round of sugestions.


----------

