# Seperated but not Divorced



## parshooter (Feb 18, 2009)

Here is my story:
We have ben married 13 yrs and have 2 kids, now 9 and 7. About 5 yrs ago I thought things were good and she took a sister trip to Mexico and came back and was acting weird. Online constently and I asked her about it and she said she was looking for a guy that her friend met on the trip and couldnt get in touch with. I was sceptical but took her word but keep watching and questioning her and she said I was pushing her away and that I wasnt her DAD.

Anyway new neighbors across the street moved in and she became close with the husband too close I thought. I caught them emailing and they would talk when I was at work. Also there was a guy we met at a rodeo and she started texting him a lot and would always say they were just talking about things in general and about us and stuff like that.

Well her concious finally got to her and she confessed one night that she had slept with the guy in Mexico and with the neighbor 3-4 times and went to meet the rodeo guy but stopped short of going all the was with him. She said I had pushed her into it and that she wanted me to forgive her and start new...So I did kind of but never really trusted her again.

About 3 months ago new neighbors moved in and she became instant friends with the wife and would spend all her free time at her house and again texting at all hours and all the time. I would ask her what is up and again she would say I was controlling her...So I said I couldnt take it and we agreed on a seperation. I moved out and she wasnt too upset like I thought she would be. I have the kids 2-3 nights a week and she is in school with a lot of younger girls. She is 37 and most school mates are 22-27 they go out all the time.

My question is what should I do? She says school is hard and she needs to concentrate on that and we will see where we are in Aug.. Should I try to work on this or am I stupid in thinking she wont cheat again? and that everything will work out or is she just using me.....
Thanks for any advice..


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

And you are paying the tab for her school, her place, your place and the partying?

So, what exactly is it that you are hoping for?


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

So you fit the bill while she screws guys? And it sounds like she was wanting give bi a try too. If you are paying the bills you are basically financing her infidelity. How do you feel about that? If I were you I would cut off all bank accounts, all credit cards. If she wants to play like an adult. She needs to pay like an adult. Why you moved out, I have no idea. You need to move back in. And file for divorce. She is a serial cheater. She's gotten a taste and she likes it. So the only way I see any chance is to give her a financial wake up call. But that would require you to do what is right, not to give into fear of losing her.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya it sounds like you have been put on the back burner and she knows that she can get away with it put your foot down dont let her do that to you!


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

You should see a family law attorney and get a legal separation agreement. It would clearly define child custody, support and finances for the two of you. You sound like you still love her and want to work things out but she sounds like she has been a town bicycle for a while. Interesting you mention the crowd she's hanging with are 10 years younger than herself. Do I sense midlife crisis syndrome. Been there, done that with my ex. Also started hanging out with people 10 years younger. There are no easy solutions. You're hurting no matter what. Go see a professional, your family doctor or a therapist to work through your feelings and the breakdown of your marriage. Good Luck to you. Try to be good to yourself and let your kids know it's not their fault and you love them very much.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree:


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Sounds to me like she needs money. You need a better lawyer. I can't believe you have kids only 2-3 nights per week or when she wants to party. That is just wrong, she is irresponsible. The kids need more stability. You need to rework these arrangements and you do not need to be paying half of her new bills. You need a legal separation so she is financially liable, she's going to run you in the poor house. She is taking advantage. You cannot trust her, she's not even sad you got separated. Cut the ties, move on. You deserve better. Perhaps one day she will grow up, but in the meantime you may have created a new life for yourself.


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