# Is my girlfriend pulling away?



## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Is my girlfriend being distant?

I (M19 USA) met my girlfriend (F23 CAN) at an online discord meet up over New Years this past year and have been together for over 7 months. Since then we have talked over the phone almost every night since. I went up to see her for a week in February and recently for 2 weeks at the end of June. Both went very well but something just seems a little off since the end of our last meetup.

During our phone calls we usually talk for a little while and binge Netflix shows. Recently it just feels like she doesn’t want to talk and just get to watching the show. But we still do call every night and usually not hang up until the next morning. I’m just not quite sure if something is off or if this is just the post honeymoon phase

Recently I jokingly asked if she was sick of me and she straight up said, “no it’s just the honeymoon phase is over”. We also got into an argument about 3 days ago where she was annoyed and it rubbed off on me and I snapped at her briefly. It ended with her hanging up and saying I was being immature and it was off-putting. I apologized and put that behind us 

There is also an issue that we don’t currently have a plan to meet up again. Both of us are trying to be careful with our money (we are both in school not working full time) and she had mentioned possibly coming to visit me and meet my family for the first time in august but she doesn’t think it’s good for her financially right now. And it bothers me that she still has not met my family and might not for a while and that we don’t have a set plan for our next time seeing each other.

Other little things is that she seems less talkative and some mornings when we did not wake up in the call together I texted her good morning and she did not answer until that night when we would watch our shows. Neither of us have missed a night of talking but I’ve actually caught myself looking at her social media a few times and noticing she’s been more active on Snapchat recently and she never really used Snapchat before. I need to stop stalking her I just feel kind of insecure right right now considering all of the other factors 

I do wanna say this is my first relationship and I’m not sure if I’m freaking out or if she actually is pulling away. And if she is I’m not sure exactly what to do about it


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Logan N said:


> Is my girlfriend being distant?
> 
> I (M19 USA) met my girlfriend (F23 CAN) at an online discord meet up over New Years this past year and have been together for over 7 months. Since then we have talked over the phone almost every night since. I went up to see her for a week in February and recently for 2 weeks at the end of June. Both went very well but something just seems a little off since the end of our last meetup.
> 
> ...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Don’t waste your tome on a girl not close enough to see in person regularly. 10000 different reasons, none of which you want to hear.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Don’t waste your tome on a girl not close enough to see in person regularly. 10000 different reasons, none of which you want to hear.


Actually I would like to hear some of those reasons


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Impossible to really get to know them.
When she’s not with you, there’s other guys closer.
You’re 19 and can stay up every night on the phone. Work on getting a skill and a good job— then the ladies will appear.
You’ve met her 2 times abd the honeymoon phase is over? She ain’t the one bro

she’s losing interest or she’s be wanting to meet up


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

There's nothing to keep the interest doing it the way you're doing it. I'm glad you two met up, but even then you said it wasn't all just quite right, didn't you?

Listen, this part is common sense. You two are talking WAYYYY too much. What could you possibly have left to talk about after staying on the phone constantly? Common sense. You've already told each other everything there is to know about each other and now it's old news. At this point, it's just tedious.

I have been there on an email relationship before. Burnout. Life intervenes and demands your attention. This is not a relationship with any momentum because you can't be seeing each other regularly. If you did, now that you've already told each other everything, it would likely be boring to some extent because what is left to talk about without repeating yourselves?

Talk to her. Tell her you're definitely still interested but that you've talked yourselves to death and need to stop that. Keep in touch like once a week -- not overnight phone calls -- just to check in and live your lives separately. Then one day if it becomes possible to get together for real, try it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Logan N said:


> Actually I would like to hear some of those reasons


Reading your post it sounds more like you have a relationship with a phone than a person.

She’s a fair bit older and not even in the same country.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You have a phone relationship. 

The honeymoon period isn't over, though, because you haven't actually had one yet. You know, where you see each other on a regular basis in real life. 

Let this go and have a real life relationship with someone.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There's nothing to keep the interest doing it the way you're doing it. I'm glad you two met up, but even then you said it wasn't all just quite right, didn't you?
> 
> Listen, this part is common sense. You two are talking WAYYYY too much. What could you possibly have left to talk about after staying on the phone constantly? Common sense. You've already told each other everything there is to know about each other and now it's old news. At this point, it's just tedious.
> 
> ...


Just to clarify the meetups don’t feel off at all. It’s great. I just wanna ask what exactly do you mean by love your lives separately? Are you saying that we should not be exclusive anymore or is it just adding to your general point that we are talking too much and that is the main problem? 

Thank you for your response


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You’re too young for her. She’s too old for you. Better to move on.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> You have a phone relationship.
> 
> The honeymoon period isn't over, though, because you haven't actually had one yet. You know, where you see each other on a regular basis in real life.
> 
> Let this go and have a real life relationship with someone.


Are you saying that long distance relationships can never work? If you aren’t than what is the flaw in ours?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Logan N said:


> Just to clarify the meetups don’t feel off at all. It’s great. I just wanna ask what exactly do you mean by love your lives separately? Are you saying that we should not be exclusive anymore or is it just adding to your general point that we are talking too much and that is the main problem?
> 
> Thank you for your response


How can you be exclusive long distance? I mean, if you want to still have an agreement to be exclusive, that's between you two, but you have no way to get together anytime soon and the conversation and relationship is getting stale and you are noticing changes in her interest level, which frankly, I'd be amazed if there weren't changes in both of your interest levels. You're not living live together. You're just reporting every detail of each of your lives that you want the other to know to each other. 

You two will have nada to talk about if you ever finally do get together at this point. It's going to be awkward. It's going to be like, Oh, yeah, you already told me that. 

What I mean by living life is get off the internet and the telephone and both of you go get out in the real world and live and have real world experiences. You both need to expand yourselves. I don't care whether they involved dating others, but seems like since you aren't around each other, that would come up eventually.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Long distance (so far you’ve seen her twice in 9months) won’t work. That’s correct.
You’re not exclusive. You just think you are.
If she or you decide you’d like to try someone else, neither of you would ever know. Too far away. 
What you’re after just isn’t gonna happen. 
What would you even want to be “exclusive” at 19 yrs old with a girl you’ve seen twice in 9 months and she’s not even planning another date? I’ll just be blunt: What you’re doing is stupid. BreaK things off. What are you losing?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Get a real girlfriend….not a telephone buddy.
Make believe telephone girlfriend is not real life socialization… it’s phone time fantasy.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

She's outgrown your telephone romance, OP.

Come on, this isn't rocket science. Even she told you the honeymoon is over.

She's a young woman who probably wants to live life the way a young woman her age *SHOULD* be living her life - which is NOT sitting on the phone every night talking to a teenage boy and watching Netflix until it's time to go to work or school the next day. That crap grows real old after a while.

She's doing the slow fade, OP. Each day that goes by, she disconnects just a little bit more. You need to know that this is just the first of *many* relationships you'll have before you finally meet the one. She's not the one, OP. I promise you, she's not.

And I'll be very honest with you - keep your dignity. Don't be a whiny, needy, crying little boy when you eventually get to the end. That just makes you look weak and desperate - NOT a good look ever. Back out with grace and dignity.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Logan N said:


> Is my girlfriend being distant?
> 
> .....we have talked over the phone almost every night since.
> 
> ...


Give the woman some space. You are trying to smoother her with all your time demands on her. Yes, you are exhibiting behaviors of someone who is in their first real relationship and you need to learn that this is not the way you treat a potential partner. 

People even married couples, each need their own space and their own lives. You really need to back off for a while, learn about relationships (either by books, counseling, or experience). You are absolutely not ready for a permanent relationship.

Good luck.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It will be extremely hard to maintain a relationship just by occasional visits. You have been there twice but she doesn't seem keen to come and see you so how will you be able to spend time with her where you can really get to know each other?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Logan N said:


> Just to clarify the meetups don’t feel off at all. It’s great. I just wanna ask what exactly do you mean by love your lives separately? Are you saying that we should not be exclusive anymore or is it just adding to your general point that we are talking too much and that is the main problem?
> 
> Thank you for your response


You're not exclusive now. She's not, anyway. 

You have a phone pal only, if that.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Talking on the phone is not dating.
Start dating gals in your area - gals you can take OUT on dates and get to know them in real life.

the other gal is losing interest.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

I obviously have my concerns that I voiced out in my original post but, and I respect all of your answers, while harsh I take it as constructive criticism. But I am somewhat offended by some of you saying that I don’t know the girl and that it’s just a “phone buddy”. Not sure if this changes anybody's mind (probably won’t) and I understand what everyone is saying, but I do think everyone is a bit too dismissive


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

IMO you’d get a more real experience by asking out anyone your age at your local coffee shop or grocery store. They probably also live near you and you might be able to see them every day.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Logan N said:


> I obviously have my concerns that I voiced out in my original post but, and I respect all of your answers, while harsh I take it as constructive criticism. But I am somewhat offended by some of you saying that I don’t know the girl and that it’s just a “phone buddy”. Not sure if this changes anybody's mind (probably won’t) and I understand what everyone is saying, but I do think everyone is a bit too dismissive


Seems that way, but realize the people you’re asking are likely much older, much more experienced, and just trying to help you out.

The long distance thing is just not tenable.

So a question or two: 
Why do you want to be exclusive with someone you so rarely see? 
Why aren’t you dating a young lady that’s in your area, or at least close enough to meet more than twice yearly.

Surely you can see that two dates in 9 months is not really a relationship.
Don’t confuse phone/email/text as real communication. You could be dating a woman in prison and Learn as much as you are with this girl. A virtual relationship is not reality. That’s all you have.

What do you feel her good qualities are?


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

I think you are all being too dismissive of the relationship. Y’all are a tough crowd and I respect all your answers but some of which I think are too dismissive just because it’s not typical. It’s almost like you all don’t believe a long distance relationship could ever work. I have a few issues with your responses 

First is that it seems all of you think that me and her should be going out and to social events and having fun like people our age usually do. I should have said in my original post that we are both extremely introverted and that’s how we met in the first place. After school/work we don’t go to social events, we are both homebodies. I have never enjoyed social events or parties and in our last meeting, since I can legally drink in Ontario, we went out to a bar and it’s not that we didn’t have fun because we did, that’s just not what we like to do. We both at the end of the night were like “eh” wouldn’t do that again. Call that introverted, antisocial whatever. Neither of us are missing out on things in favor of sitting on the phone. Because before I met her, she sat at home and watched tv every night by herself. She wasn’t going out and meeting guys, she hasn’t seen a guy in 3 years before meeting me

For whatever reason, it seems like the perception is that I am the one forcing her into calls every night and I’m not sure where this is coming from. In fact I’m the more busy one out of the 2, and when I am busy she’s always trying to find ways to talk to me when I am not able to talk at night. She’s not and I am mot being forced into anything

Lastly is also the perception that we don’t have a connection. Each of the 3 times that we have met, the last day was hard for both of us. I actually got a call from one of our mutual friends that said it was the first time she had seen her cry in years because she never cries.

i do have concerns about how it’s been going the past month or so, but I think some of you are a little too dismissive just because of the premise of a long distance relationship. Which I do understands its not typical, but it can work and studies show that. So keep the comments coming. I do want to hear what y’all are saying but I do think there is an obvious bias against long distance relationships which is unfair


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You said this is your first relationship. Perhaps you should consider that people aren't necessarily being "dismissive" but are merely giving you their perspectives based on a lot more relationship experiences.

I was an Army wife. My husband was deployed for long periods of time. There are also a high number of military marriages that succumb to adultery and divorce. People - married or not - don't do particularly well when there's a lot of distance/absence in the relationship. Introvert or not, humans are relational beings.

So I can tell you, based on my relationship experiences, that absence frequently does NOT make the heart go fonder.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Seems that way, but realize the people you’re asking are likely much older, much more experienced, and just trying to help you out.
> 
> The long distance thing is just not tenable.
> 
> ...


To answer your questions in order 

1. I have no interest in being anything but exclusive with a woman. The 3 times we have met which have added up to about a months worth of days. We’ve spent almost every second together. For someone who struggled with females through high school it just came easy with her. Before we even met the first time there were mutual feelings from just phone and facegime

2. I don’t go out to social events and meet tons of women. I guess you could call that antisocial but I’m definitely extremely introverted. Which is how we met. I like to go home work out, watch tv, play online games, just chill. I met her

3. Tons of good qualities. Whenever we are together she makes me breakfast, does my laundry, watches sports with me (even though she hates it) and I trust her. Even though we live 400 miles apart. She’s smart, confident. Everything I’ve wanted in a girlfriend


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> You said this is your first relationship. Perhaps you should consider that people aren't necessarily being "dismissive" but are merely giving you their perspectives based on a lot more relationship experiences.
> 
> I was an Army wife. My husband was deployed for long periods of time. There are also a high number of military marriages that succumb to adultery and divorce. People - married or not - don't do particularly well when there's a lot of distance/absence in the relationship. Introvert or not, humans are relational beings.
> 
> So I can tell you, based on my relationship experiences, that absence frequently does NOT make the heart go fonder.


Interesting. If you can, can you expand upon how it was like when you didn’t see your significant other for long periods of time. Why doesn’t the heart grow fonder?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I have no doubt that you like one another since you talk every night. 
My advice is to find yourself an introvert close to you. And to work on your introvert side. I’m a very strongly introverted person as well. I don’t see it as a strength, but a weakness I’ve worked on for many years. Still am.
If accepted as it is, you may find it gets worse and you wind up a recluse. As one gets older, I believe the introversive tendencies can and often do worsen.
What you describe of talking all night and watching TV—- isn’t necessarily healthy. 
You are accepting this about both of you as a good thing that brings you together. I’m suggesting that it may very well lead to problems which I think you are already experiencing.

What are you doing career wise? A man with a good job has a lot of options. You’re 19. Please give yourself some options.

Lastly, if you’re not ever able to see one another, this relationship will die guaranteed. I hate that for you, but it’s reality. I worry you’re setting yourself up for some heartache.

Be careful when selecting a girl for long term (if you are looking for that) to see them for who they are, not who you want them to be. It’s a common mistake—- I know because I’ve done it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Logan N said:


> ...can you expand upon how it was like when you didn’t see your significant other for long periods of time. Why doesn’t the heart grow fonder?


Well, in many cases, I saw women who got the "itch" so to speak and found another man to scratch it. I never cheated on my husband, and I never put myself in situations where it would even be possible. Deployments can definitely make a spouse miss and long for their partner. But as time drags by, the everyday pressures of life get in the way. There were deployments where I wasn't even permitted to know where he was. 

As we grow older, we are faced with more responsibilities, such as raising children, getting the car repaired, dealing with a looney boss. All sorts of things require our focus besides our spouse. By the time my husband had been gone 8 or 9 months, my life was filled with responsibilities. I wasn't sitting around gazing at his photo. Yes, I loved him. But he had a job to do, and I had a job to do. 

Basically, it's called growing up and gaining life experience. With that, one hopefully gains maturity and a sense of balance in juggling all the crap life throws one's way.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> I have no doubt that you like one another since you talk every night. My advice is to find yourself an introvert close to you. And to work on your introvert side. I’m a very strongly introverted person as well. I don’t see it as a strength, but a weakness I’ve worked on for many years. Still am. If accepted as it is, you may find it gets worse and you wind up a recluse. As one gets older, I believe the introversive tendencies can and often do worsen. What you describe of talking all night and watching TV—- isn’t necessarily healthy. You are accepting this about both of you as a good thing that brings you together. I’m suggesting that it may very well lead to problems which I think you are already experiencing. What are you doing career wise? A man with a good job has a lot of options. You’re 19. Please give yourself some options. Lastly, if you’re not ever able to see one another, this relationship will die guaranteed. I hate that for you, but it’s reality. I worry you’re setting yourself up for some heartache. Be careful when selecting a girl for long term (if you are looking for that) to see them for who they are, not who you want them to be. It’s a common mistake—- I know because I’ve done it.


 I have 2 years of school left before I get my degree. She has just over a year left before she becomes a full time teacher. When we jumped into the relationship we had a conversation about how long we could do this. And I said we should do it for as long as we want to because the closest that we can do it is when I am done with school and we’re both working to support ourselves. I want to have a conversation with her soon about meeting up before the end of the year which would be the 3rd/4th time depending if you count the first meetup when we met this year. If she doesn’t show interest in seeing me, than you’re right the relationship can’t continue. I really like that quote at the end of your post. Definitely will stick with me


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Well, in many cases, I saw women who got the "itch" so to speak and found another man to scratch it. I never cheated on my husband, and I never put myself in situations where it would even be possible. Deployments can definitely make a spouse miss and long for their partner. But as time drags by, the everyday pressures of life get in the way. There were deployments where I wasn't even permitted to know where he was.
> 
> As we grow older, we are faced with more responsibilities, such as raising children, getting the car repaired, dealing with a looney boss. All sorts of things require our focus besides our spouse. By the time my husband had been gone 8 or 9 months, my life was filled with responsibilities. I wasn't sitting around gazing at his photo. Yes, I loved him. But he had a job to do, and I had a job to do.
> 
> Basically, it's called growing up and gaining life experience. With that, one hopefully gains maturity and a sense of balance in juggling all the crap life throws one's way.


Time definitely does drag by. Thats a very unique point of view thank you for that


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Logan N said:


> I obviously have my concerns that I voiced out in my original post but, and I respect all of your answers, while harsh I take it as constructive criticism. But I am somewhat offended by some of you saying that I don’t know the girl and that it’s just a “phone buddy”. Not sure if this changes anybody's mind (probably won’t) and I understand what everyone is saying, but I do think everyone is a bit too dismissive


Uh, no. Think about the reality of what you think is a relationship. It's not one. You talk on the phone.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Logan N said:


> Is my girlfriend being distant?
> 
> I (M19 USA) met my girlfriend (F23 CAN) at an online discord meet up over New Years this past year and have been together for over 7 months. Since then we have talked over the phone almost every night since. I went up to see her for a week in February and recently for 2 weeks at the end of June. Both went very well but something just seems a little off since the end of our last meetup.
> 
> ...


First relationship......move on.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

And I would just add that you said we're being dismissive because it's not typical, but a lot of us have been on this forum for a while and it is typical to see people come on here with failed long distance internet relationships. What's not typical is to see one of them work out. Usually they go up in a puff of smoke as soon as you spend a little time together. 

Even an introvert is probably going to find plenty to do in college.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And I would just add that you said we're being dismissive because it's not typical, but a lot of us have been on this forum for a while and it is typical to see people come on here with failed long distance internet relationships. What's not typical is to see one of them work out. Usually they go up in a puff of smoke as soon as you spend a little time together. Even an introvert is probably going to find plenty to do in college.


 We are both also in online school. One thing that I might add is she wasn’t always introverted. She’s become that the past few years and is sick of all the partying she did in high school. I have been online school the past 2 years and do not want anything to do with the college lifestyle the reason I say it’s dismissive is because it seems as if again, you all are saying it’s impossible. No matter how unlikely you may think it is there is plenty of research that shows that it is very possible and that the rate of success is just about the same as relationships that aren’t long distance. It’s being dismissed just because of the fact that it’s long distance


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Logan N said:


> We are both also in online school. One thing that I might add is she wasn’t always introverted. She’s become that the past few years and is sick of all the partying she did in high school. I have been online school the past 2 years and do not want anything to do with the college lifestyle the reason I say it’s dismissive is because it seems as if again, you all are saying it’s impossible. No matter how unlikely you may think it is there is plenty of research that shows that it is very possible and that the rate of success is just about the same as relationships that aren’t long distance. It’s being dismissed just because of the fact that it’s long distance


So introversion is not her natural state. She will likely snap out of it.

You both need to work on getting out in the real world. You live in a very limited universe. That means you're going to have very limited opportunities.

So what you said brings up another question. If she is just an online college, and she's 23 years old, there's really nothing to stop her from coming to be with you. She could still be in the same college and everything. And if you're in online college there's nothing stopping you either. 

You're not on a different continent.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

@Logan N I hate to say it but this is not the group for you. There is a Facebook group, Long Distance Relationships, with over 20k members. I would suggest you join that group and ask your questions there. I am a member of that group since my relationship started out as long distance but we now live together and will be getting married soon. 

I will say this much. Long distance relationships CAN work but they usually do not. I've been a member of the LDR group for long enough to see that. There has to be a compelling reason or something to give you guys the edge or else the slow fade and eventual blocking on social media comes. I'd be a hypocrite to dismiss your relationship but you do need to understand. Join the LDR group, read the posts there (a lot of which sound just like yours) and then ask your questions there. You will find more people experienced with this situation.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Logan N said:


> I have been online school the past 2 years and do not want anything to do with the college lifestyle the reason I say it’s dismissive is because it seems as if again, you all are saying it’s impossible.


I’m not even a lady and this is making my phantom ovaries shrivel.

Sorry OP.

Get off the computer, shut this site off, go to an actual party with real people and have fun!


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Long distance relationships can only work for so long. Beware of NOT closing the gap and coming together in life for real.

It's good that you have at least been together a couple of times. Don't make the same mistakes that I have made and try to move towards living closer together somehow.

I wish you all the best!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Logan N said:


> We are both also in online school. One thing that I might add is she wasn’t always introverted. She’s become that the past few years and is sick of all the partying she did in high school. I have been online school the past 2 years and do not want anything to do with the college lifestyle the reason I say it’s dismissive is because it seems as if again, you all are saying it’s impossible. No matter how unlikely you may think it is there is plenty of research that shows that it is very possible and that the rate of success is just about the same as relationships that aren’t long distance. It’s being dismissed just because of the fact that it’s long distance


Ok. You got us. We're all on in it and fibbing to you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Logan N said:


> I think you are all being too dismissive of the relationship. Y’all are a tough crowd and I respect all your answers but some of which I think are too dismissive just because it’s not typical. It’s almost like you all don’t believe a long distance relationship could ever work. I have a few issues with your responses
> 
> First is that it seems all of you think that me and her should be going out and to social events and having fun like people our age usually do. I should have said in my original post that we are both extremely introverted and that’s how we met in the first place. After school/work we don’t go to social events, we are both homebodies. I have never enjoyed social events or parties and in our last meeting, since I can legally drink in Ontario, we went out to a bar and it’s not that we didn’t have fun because we did, that’s just not what we like to do. We both at the end of the night were like “eh” wouldn’t do that again. Call that introverted, antisocial whatever. Neither of us are missing out on things in favor of sitting on the phone. Because before I met her, she sat at home and watched tv every night by herself. She wasn’t going out and meeting guys, she hasn’t seen a guy in 3 years before meeting me
> 
> ...


Your relationship is in your own mind with this long distance phone friend.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> @Logan N I hate to say it but this is not the group for you. There is a Facebook group, Long Distance Relationships, with over 20k members. I would suggest you join that group and ask your questions there. I am a member of that group since my relationship started out as long distance but we now live together and will be getting married soon. I will say this much. Long distance relationships CAN work but they usually do not. I've been a member of the LDR group for long enough to see that. There has to be a compelling reason or something to give you guys the edge or else the slow fade and eventual blocking on social media comes. I'd be a hypocrite to dismiss your relationship but you do need to understand. Join the LDR group, read the posts there (a lot of which sound just like yours) and then ask your questions there. You will find more people experienced with this situation.


 I do appreciate your POV and everyone else’s. I will take your advice and join the Facebook group. Even though I disagree with some of the stuff you guys are saying I do see all of your POVs and even though it was a rough crowd I am happy I made this thread


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Logan N said:


> Is my girlfriend being distant?
> 
> I (M19 USA) met my girlfriend (F23 CAN) at an online discord meet up over New Years this past year and have been together for over 7 months. Since then we have talked over the phone almost every night since. I went up to see her for a week in February and recently for 2 weeks at the end of June. Both went very well but something just seems a little off since the end of our last meetup.
> 
> ...


Look dude, you’re young and admittedly inexperienced in these matters. There’s a lot to learn and it takes time, research and practice.
The point is, don’t worry too much about this one, there will be more and you’ll get a lot better at it.

1. She’s not your girlfriend. You met online and have seen each other twice in 7 months with no scheduled plans/timetable for your next meet-up.
It doesn’t matter how much you talk to her, she’s not your girlfriend, and this is not a viable relationship. Especially as a first relationship.

2. of course she’s pulling away from you. Given your situation with your relationship, it would be shocking if she didn’t.
she undoubtedly has more relationship experience than you, and is likely much further down the path of realizing that this isn’t going to work out as a long-term, committed relationship at this time.

I would suggest you stop investing so much of your mental/emotional energy into this relationship. Keep it going, but understand what it really is and use it for experience, learning, etc.
Start dating some local girls.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Can long distance relationships work? Short answer is yes, they can. BUT there has to be a common goal, regular scheduled visits and an end timeline for the distance part. Open ended LDR's very rarely work.

You're very young OP, not sure investing this much energy in a long distance relationship is wise at your young age.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Logan , because your 19 you will probably not understand this..I mean you no disrespect...When I was 19 I had all of the answers. Now at 60 I'm not even sure what the questions are. At my age I have gained wisdom thru real life experiences. What some are telling you is information gained thru wisdom , age , time and real life. Think about that before just discounting advice given 
Good luck !


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

LDR works in the case of a male partner who has very high relationship marketplace value. A reclusive online life of a kid that had trouble with girls and social interaction in school is the exact opposite of high value. 

Not to mention she had some good party times in school and you said she is confident. She simply has outgrown you but because you have been bitten by your first love bug you aren’t going to accept anything anyone says to the contrary.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Logan N said:


> I do appreciate your POV and everyone else’s. I will take your advice and join the Facebook group. Even though I disagree with some of the stuff you guys are saying I do see all of your POVs and even though it was a rough crowd I am happy I made this thread


My only question is how many times can you use the two words disagree and dismissive in a single post, 10, 20, 30?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

This is very real to you & it's a very important relationship for you. We all get that. 

That said, it sounds like the relationship has run it's course. Technology can only substitute for being there for so long. Watching Netflix over the phone is sweet but it pales in comparison to Netflix & chill in person. 

There is a lot working against you here: the distance, your ages, immigration considerations, finances, your young age & inexperience. You going to see her was fun. A 23 year old doesn't want to come to the states to see her 19 year old BF because you two can't even go to a bar together in the US. The age difference will be too glaring here. As an introvert the idea of meeting your family is probably not all that alluring. It would be too intense.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Even if she was a local girl, you should never lock yourself up at 19. This is the time to be dating multiple women to find out what you like and don’t like. Like buying your first new car and test driving several makes and models. How do you know she’s the one for you if you never dated anyone else? Brother, that’s insanity. Take it from someone who married at 20 and was the first of multiple failed marriages and relationships. Build your foundation first, then decide the house you want to build on top of it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> Even if she was a local girl, you should never lock yourself up at 19. This is the time to be dating multiple women to find out what you like and don’t like. Like buying your first new car and test driving several makes and models. How do you know she’s the one for you if you never dated anyone else? Brother, that’s insanity. Take it from someone who married at 20 and was the first of multiple failed marriages and relationships. Build your foundation first, then decide the house you want to build on top of it.


I don't think the OP is an adult yet.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I don't think the OP is an adult yet.


I thought he said he was 19 and this was his first “girlfriend”?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> I thought he said he was 19 and this was his first “girlfriend”?


Maybe 19. Maybe 18. Acts like 16.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

The only way a relationship should proceed at your age is if it is perfect.

As soon as it isn't perfect, move on. You'll grow from it, you'll learn about watching out for red flags in others you date, and you'll realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Honestly, long distance relationships at your age should be a non-starter.

I know this is tough to hear, but it is correct.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Well you see, OP, doing the same thing over and over again-- especially just sitting around on the phone/video call "together"-- gets boring EVEN FOR INTROVERTS. It's boring. You are both bored. What could you possibly do to change that? 

You stay "on the phone" all night??? Don't you have anything better to do?


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Maybe 19. Maybe 18. Acts like 16.


And this comment achieves what exactly? 

What do I gain from lying about my age?

I went on a forum to search for other opinions. 

That doesn’t mean I have to agree with all of them, or any of them. But I do read all of them, and if this girl ends up ghosting me tomorrow, or 2 months from now, then I’ll probably look back at this forum and see that you all told me so. 

So I hope you’re laughing at your computer when you’re trying to suggest that I am younger than what I said I was. Have a nice day and thank you for contributing to the conversation


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

@Logan N 

Ignore the haters. You are going to get strong options on an international message board. It's par for the course. 

Re-phrased I think @Ragnar Ragnasson was opining that you seem a tad immature. We were all immature & stupid when we were young. (I am not calling you stupid but sharing that I did a lot of dumb things in college) That is part of growing up & learning. Pain from break ups is part of that process. It's the worst part but it does play a role in everyone's development. 

There are no easy answers or quick solutions. You can't very well close the distance tomorrow or next week. The end of what was a wonderful relationship may simply be an idea whose time has come.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Logan N said:


> And this comment achieves what exactly?
> 
> What do I gain from lying about my age?
> 
> ...


Kindly, I'm chuckling because you believe this long distance phone relationship carries the same weight of having a daily relationship with a woman that lives near you and you see every day. And rather than be a realist you want to live in your own mind like many adolescents do. Believing you have all the answers and no one should disagree with you because it hurts your feelings. 
Like an adolescent.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Kindly, I'm chuckling because you believe this long distance phone relationship carries the same weight of having a daily relationship with a woman that lives near you and you see every day. And rather than be a realist you want to live in your own mind like many adolescents do. Believing you have all the answers and no one should disagree with you because it hurts your feelings.
> Like an adolescent.


Maybe your heart is in the right place but frankly, you seem to have no experience dealing with this sort of thing. My relationship started off long distance and I'm getting married soon. I know several other people that did the same thing. The OP is young but so what? One of my best friends married his very first GF he met when he was 18. It happens.

I get that we are all a tad cynical sometimes but it's not helpful to just outright dismiss someone and their relationship as a joke. The guy did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment here. And people wonder why we have so many new posters that disappear after 1 thread.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Long distraction relationships don’t last. Life is not a Disney movie.
Some have to learn the hard way.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> I get that we are all a tad cynical sometimes but it's not helpful to just outright dismiss someone and their relationship as a joke. The guy did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment here. And people wonder why we have so many new posters that disappear after 1 thread.


It’s a logical conclusion.

1. Meaningful age difference (he’s younger).
2. Not in the same country.
3. Met only 7 months ago.
4. She’s giving signals to him that he’s not that interesting anymore.

Given that, there’s a lot for OP to overcome. 

The first thing would be, hey if you want to be together the first step is actually being together.

How do you sort that out at 19? You’re probably in school, military, starting out in a trade, etc… but then there’s the little problem of Canada. You can’t just move to Canada.

There is a lot working against the OP here and the TL;DR version is to dismiss it but the reasoning for that is sound.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

Logan N said:


> Is my girlfriend being distant?
> 
> I (M19 USA) met my girlfriend (F23 CAN) at an online discord meet up over New Years this past year and have been together for over 7 months. Since then we have talked over the phone almost every night since. I went up to see her for a week in February and recently for 2 weeks at the end of June. Both went very well but something just seems a little off since the end of our last meetup.
> 
> ...


Dump her, get your man frame set. Get red pulled, figure out how to earn $260 pet day, live for excellence, see youtube entrepreneurs in cars. Lesson my dad should of told me. Go mgtow


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## JJARA (5 mo ago)

Talking on the phone every night for that long would get old even if u had never met eachother. I think you should back off, back off and see how she reacts. you don’t have to say anything in advance , don’t mention that you’re going to back off just back off. if you’re the one who usually calls just don’t call. And also I have a question, so in this nine months you’ve never missed a call neither of you has gone out at night in the whole nine months ever ? do you guys have other friends I’m not trying to be mean like but literally do you have other friends to hang out with, does she ? if you’re missing out on other in person friendships To talk on the phone then you’re doing yourself a disservice in the long run. You don’t have to break up, you don’t have to stop being exclusive, just don’t talk on the phone so much. She’s not as interested in the conversation because the conversation is not as interesting as it used to be . And she gave you the answer she told you the honeymoon phase is over so why are you asking complete strangers that know very little about your relationship, she gave you the answer to your question , why don’t u believe her? just because the honeymoon phase isn’t over for you doesn’t mean that it’s not over for her. It doesn’t have to be a mutual feeling You can still be in the honeymoon phase and she could be past it, it happens. She’s a trooper for still sticking it out on these long calls every night, That’s an encouraging sign. And I’m sure these comments are hard to read, but I suspect like mine most of them come from people who have experienced many many relationships. And a lot of us have been in your shoes one way or another, maybe not long distance but we know what it feels like when the person we are so into starts to pull away from us , and we know what comes after if you continue To treat this relationship the way you have been these last nine months. we know how this situation goes, we know the anxiety your feeling and we’re telling you the truth. The good news is that you might be able to turn this around if you come at it the right way but If you continue on the path you’re going she will continue to drift away until she finally breaks it off or ghosts u indefinitely and you’ll be devastated. I really don’t want that to happen to you. Significantly Cut down the phone calls. And go out with your friends a couple times a week that will give you more to talk about. You’re 19 and 23, I was never home When I was your ages especially at 23. Lastly, you don’t have to watch the same things all the time, If u watch different shows then you’ll have more to talk about. And whether you take my advice or not please just don’t continue doing what you have been that is a sure fire way To secure the end of this relationship. I really wish you the best. And if this relationship ends for whatever reason, just know that you will be OK I promise you. Yes, it will hurt and it will be sad but you’ll be OK , You will get through it.
Good luck


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

JJARA said:


> Talking on the phone every night for that long would get old even if u saw each other twice a week. I think you should back off, back off and see how she reacts. you don’t to say anything don’t mention that you’re going to back off just back off if you’re the one who usually calls just don’t call. And also I have a question, so in this nine months you’ve never missed a call neither of you has gone out at night in the whole nine months ever ? do you guys have other friends I’m not trying to be mean like but literally do you have other friends to hang out with, does she ? if you’re missing out on other in person friendships To talk on the phone then you’re doing yourself a disservice in the long run. You don’t have to break up, you don’t have to stop being exclusive, just don’t talk on the phone so much. She’s not as interested in the conversation because the conversation is not as interesting as it used to be . And she gave you the answer she told you the honeymoon phase is over so why are you asking complete strangers that know very little about your relationship, she gave you the answer to your question , why don’t u believe her? just because the honeymoon phase isn’t over for you doesn’t mean that it’s not over for her it doesn’t have to be a mutual feeling. She’s a trooper for still sticking it out on these long calls every night. And these comments are hard to read sure but I suspect like mine most of them come from people who have experienced many many relationships. And a lot of us have been in your shoes one way or another, maybe not long distance but we know what it feels like when the person we are so into starts to pull away , and we know what comes after if you continue To treat this relationship the way you have been these last nine months, we know how it goes and we’re telling you the truth. You might be able to turn this around if you come at this right way but If you continue on the path you’re going she will continue to drift away until she finally breaks it off or ghosts u indefinitely and you’ll be devastated. I really don’t want that to happen to you. Significantly Cut down the phone calls. And you don’t have to watch the same things all the time If u watch different shows then you’ll have more to talk about.
> Good luck


You haven’t posted here much. I hope you continue. Your post above is compassionate and insightful. Bravo. 
OP this one is worth reading carefully if you’re still here once in a while.


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## Logan N (5 mo ago)

JJARA said:


> Talking on the phone every night for that long would get old even if u had never met eachother. I think you should back off, back off and see how she reacts. you don’t have to say anything in advance , don’t mention that you’re going to back off just back off. if you’re the one who usually calls just don’t call. And also I have a question, so in this nine months you’ve never missed a call neither of you has gone out at night in the whole nine months ever ? do you guys have other friends I’m not trying to be mean like but literally do you have other friends to hang out with, does she ? if you’re missing out on other in person friendships To talk on the phone then you’re doing yourself a disservice in the long run. You don’t have to break up, you don’t have to stop being exclusive, just don’t talk on the phone so much. She’s not as interested in the conversation because the conversation is not as interesting as it used to be . And she gave you the answer she told you the honeymoon phase is over so why are you asking complete strangers that know very little about your relationship, she gave you the answer to your question , why don’t u believe her? just because the honeymoon phase isn’t over for you doesn’t mean that it’s not over for her. It doesn’t have to be a mutual feeling You can still be in the honeymoon phase and she could be past it, it happens. She’s a trooper for still sticking it out on these long calls every night, That’s an encouraging sign. And I’m sure these comments are hard to read, but I suspect like mine most of them come from people who have experienced many many relationships. And a lot of us have been in your shoes one way or another, maybe not long distance but we know what it feels like when the person we are so into starts to pull away from us , and we know what comes after if you continue To treat this relationship the way you have been these last nine months. we know how this situation goes, we know the anxiety your feeling and we’re telling you the truth. The good news is that you might be able to turn this around if you come at it the right way but If you continue on the path you’re going she will continue to drift away until she finally breaks it off or ghosts u indefinitely and you’ll be devastated. I really don’t want that to happen to you. Significantly Cut down the phone calls. And go out with your friends a couple times a week that will give you more to talk about. You’re 19 and 23, I was never home When I was your ages especially at 23. Lastly, you don’t have to watch the same things all the time, If u watch different shows then you’ll have more to talk about. And whether you take my advice or not please just don’t continue doing what you have been that is a sure fire way To secure the end of this relationship. I really wish you the best. And if this relationship ends for whatever reason, just know that you will be OK I promise you. Yes, it will hurt and it will be sad but you’ll be OK , You will get through it.
> Good luck


Thank you for taking the time to write this. I will sleep on this advice and go through my relationship with this in mind. Thank you


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

David60525 said:


> Dump her, get your man frame set. Get red pulled, figure out how to earn $260 pet day, live for excellence, see youtube entrepreneurs in cars. Lesson my dad should of told me. Go mgtow


Without a doubt the worst advice I’ve ever read on this entire forum.


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