# To have sex everyday or to not have sex everyday...



## DazednConfused2011

Hello, 

I've been reading a lot of posts on here about pretty much the same topic "My husband wants sex too much/every day" Mainly, because I am having the same problem and because I am completely confused on what I should do in this situation. 
In the threads I've read the moral of the story was "Talk to him" and "Compromise" and I completely agree. I'm planning on talking to him. And talking to him completely honestly at that. 
The thing is...when I'm honest with him about these issues...he tends to get very defensive and angry at my honesty. Let me back up a bit and voice my issue.

Me and my husband have been married 9 years. I'm 27 and he's 30. We've got 2 kids and they're 7 and 5. They're easy to take care of, they're fantastic kids, I couldn't have asked for better. That being said, my issue isn't that I'm too tired from taking care of them and I don't want sex. 
My issue is that me and my husband have sex nearly -everday-. And I don't phone-it-in either. I truly do enjoy it. But, when he's waking me up at say 5AM or...even 3AM. I'm just not really in that kind of mood -right when I wake up-. Thats not to say I don't -ever- do it at those times but -sometimes- I just don't want to. Most of the time I'll cave in and do it anyway but sometimes I'll really say no but then he gets mad and sometimes he just doesn't care and pushes me into it anyway. (which I think is kind of unfair, like what I want doesn't matter, right?) But not only does he want it in the wee hours of the morning, he also wants it before bed and when he takes a nap during the day. So by my calculations thats 3 times a day, 7 times a week. 

Is it just me, or does that seem like -a bit- much?

This morning, I said no. And today before he left for classes, he said "So, you gotta tell me when a good time for you is because you don't ever want to do it anymore." 

What am I supposed to do with that? Am I supposed to just be like "Ok, we'll set a scheduled time and only have sex then." or do I just say "Ok, we'll do it whenever you want." Either way sounds like a bum deal to me. And I'm not sure what kind of compromise he'd be willing to work out. Last time we had this fight he thought I was -cheating- on him. Which is entirely ridiculous. 

Sometimes, I'm just not in that mood. I don't know why but it seems like every time he's in this "i want sex all the time" mood and I'm in that "I kind don't want sex that much" mood. It's like we're on seperate pages that are like..kind of next to each other but not close enough to be on the same side. 

Today, when he gets home I'm going to be completely honest with him. Even if it makes him mad to hear how I'm feeling. I just don't care anymore, if he can't understand that sometimes I'm just not in that mood, even if I'm not tired and not exhausted. 

What I'm wondering is, how do I help him understand that this actually happens? As a guy, it's like he can't ever imagine a time when he -doesn't- want sex. How can I help him understand that women aren't the same that way? How can I help him understand that it's not that I don't want him or that I don't want to have sex anymore and that it's just that I'm not feeling this way -all the time-? I'm afraid he might get offended if I tell him something like that. He takes things personally sometimes and gets super-mad. how can I help him understand that I'm not just trying to hurt him? 

I really am Dazed 'n Confused.


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## HappyWife40

I don't know if this will help you, but it kind of opened my eyes. I read this on a blog I follow: Married Man Sex Life - BlogTopSites.com

His last few blog posts may help, specifically _Sexy Move: Be Sexually Submissive_ and _Sexy Move: You Forced Passive = Her Forced Active_

This may shed some light on why he wants it so much, especially if he really isn't getting his needs met (and they might be needs that he may not even know he has).

Best wishes!


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## DazednConfused2011

Thanks, that did help quite a bit. I may even take a trick or two from those posts.


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## LovesHerMan

Waking you up at 3:00 or 5:00 AM for sex is totally unacceptable. Tell him that sex is an act of love, and you can't feel connected to him if you resent his demands.

It doesn't sound like you are withholding sex; you say you enjoy it. Do you think he is overly anxious? Could he be using sex to relieve anxiety?

If you think that may be the case, see if he can exercise to let off steam, or start a meditation program.

Tell him you want to enjoy sex with him and not see it as a chore. Would four to five times a week at reasonable hours be your preference? What ever you want, tell him. Use "I" statements such as I want our sex life to be mutually satisfying. Do not make him defensive by criticizing him in any way.


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## lisa3girls

Are you sure you aren't talking about my husband? That is exactly the kind of stupid thing he'd say... oh the drama, I said no a couple times at 5 am and suddenly we "NEVER" have sex anymore. 

I tried to compromise, and my husband acted childish and copped an attitude, and now, we really do almost NEVER have sex. I hope you have better luck!


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## SimplyAmorous

Your husband sounds EXACTLY like I was (yes a woman) when My sex drive went through the roof , I seriously CRAVED it 3 times a day. I had some kind of testosterone Boost in my body, the wave lasted a full 8 months. Not sure why but it is all I could think about, I would lay there at night waiting till am to jump on him, and if I didn't get it, I would start feeling he didn't desire me, he is loosing his sex drive, I would play this over in my mind -that he is slowing down- and I wished he was younger again so he could give it to me 3 times a day, I felt we missed the best years of our life. It was not an easy time for me personally. Looking back this is rather amusing -because I even sent him to the Docs to get his Test checked. AT that time, I didn't know men slow down as they age , I was so clueless. 

I have calmed down since then. ha ha but I am sooo glad I had this experience. It has opened my eyes to how MEN feel. 

The fact your husband wants to be with you so very much over masterbating or looking at porn is a beautiful thing, he loves being close to you, he craves it. I am only leaving this response here -just to give you some idea of how it is--on the other side.

Heck, this MIGHT happen to you when you hit your 40's too! Then you will sit in awe and think "My god, now I get it " I agree, every day can get to be a BIT much if expected. I really do , but please understand --he has a high high sex drive. He is healthy!!!

Just let me say, When I got a taste of the other side of this, I cried many tears thinking "HOW in the He** did my husband put up with this all these years - as he wanted it every day but we only did it once or twice a week). I felt I did him a grave grave injustice. I only wish my husband would have let me KNOW his feelings and needs as YOURS is doing, mine choose to suffer in silence instead. And took it internally. This is no answer either. I was SO angry at him when I learend of this, I felt he denied us both. I cried, I was angry , a gammet of emotions. 

Men are sensitive too. 

Not sure what the answer is -just to say, when you strart feeling LIKE THAT, it is like a craving that is going to end in a release. Nothing else will fullfill it and masterbating is kinda hollow and empty. If this is his answer , it may lead to some rensentment. His sex drive is likely NOT going to go away, he is still going to crave you every day. 

You may be happy to know, as you age, yours is likely to CLIMB some and his will go down slowly, and you & he will be near = in these matters. This explains it : 



> *Balance the seesaw*. When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.




I wish I knew THEN what I KNOW now, in how it felt on the other side. I will say this.... having been both places....It is MUCh easier to be the lower drive spouse who is not feeling it -but go along --over being the HIGHER DRIVEN spouse who is feeling it so strongly and questioning if the love of thier life still wants them, needs them, craves them. 

There was nothing I wanted more, for a time, than him to WANT ME more than I wanted him. I felt NEEDY and a BURDEN- even though I worked this up in my mind. And yeah, I would get mad if I felt he didn't want me! This can happen, I beg you to try to *understand* him, even though YOU are not feeling it . I am very thankful my husband understood me during that time, but I know what helped him --he lived that for many years himself ! 

Typically - Women do not understand the male drive. 

And it could be he uses SEX as his stress /tension reliever. 


Here is a great book on the differences in sex drives, it may help you understand him and yourself better. Amazon.com: When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life (9781569242711): Sandra Pertot: Books

This covers 10 libido types - Sensual, Erotic, Compulsive, Dependent, Stressed, Disinterested, Detached, Addictive, Entitled, and Reactive.

Maybe he is a Dependent and Addictive, I don't know. I classified myself as an Erotic Dependent when I was feeling that way.


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## DazednConfused2011

Thats exactly what happens. I'm not in the mood for a while and so I kind of say "no" but then one day he says that i -always- say no. But I know 100% that I don't ALWAYS say no. Then we definately wouldn't be having sex like everyday. Seriously, we have sex 5 out of 7 days. and thats if I -really- say no once or twice. In the morning his hand is a-wandering looking for some, i gotta give him a bj for his "naptime" (if he decides he's taking a nap that day) and then again at night he's expecting something. I really don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here..I don't think I just want to give it to him whenever he wants it even if I don't. 
Mainly: I want him to be happy. But...I also want to be happy too.


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## SimplyAmorous

DazednConfused2011 said:


> Thats exactly what happens. I'm not in the mood for a while and so I kind of say "no" but then one day he says that i -always- say no.


ONE sexual rejection feels like 10 - it is just the way it is. Likely not going to change either - Probably a good question to ask in the Mens Clubhouse. 

It is the disconnect of the sexes. 

Have you ever suggested an alternative for him. How does he respond ? Will you allow him to video tape you & him so he can go watch that when you are not up for it, do you allow him some porn ? Seriously. 

When I was feeling it like your husband, I went & bought some toys (first time in my marraige of 19 yrs) so I wouldn't bother him so much , and ya know how he reacted -EVEN though I caused the poor man some "performance pressure" - he is not a HIGH Testosterone male - He still didn't want me to use them!! He insisted I use him- never rejected me. Though I never pressured him more than ONCE A DAY, I had to restrain myself. Even though I would have LOVED it more than that, even dreaming about it. That is how much he loved me and cared about how I felt. 

I don't know, I am kinda biased on this issue, you'll have to excuse me. And it is ALOT harder for men to perform than women . Personally I think women got it pretty easy, taking 5 minutes of their time for a BJ (10 at the most ? ) and getting out the lube. 


I agree, 3 times a day is terribly overkill -it is demanding, it would likely make you sore & resentful - even once a day is too much for many....but to come up with some form of healthy agreeable compromise you both can be "CONTENT" with & still feel loved & wanted (why I recommended that book above) --maybe 5 days a week, a BJ once or twice a week, this should be your goal.

I know for me, It helped to KNOW I had something to look forward too -that night, the next morning. I tried to NOT get my hopes up for something that might not happen. It was too crushing to allow myself to go there, if I wasn't going to get any. 


You have the right to feel as you do and express it, but he is going to do the same. Until you find an solution that works where he is not "expecting" - and some way for you to NOT slide into resentment . 

This is your challenge.


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## heartsbeating

DazednConfused2011 said:


> Thats exactly what happens. I'm not in the mood for a while and so I kind of say "no" but then one day he says that i -always- say no. But I know 100% that I don't ALWAYS say no. Then we definately wouldn't be having sex like everyday. Seriously, we have sex 5 out of 7 days. and thats if I -really- say no once or twice. In the morning his hand is a-wandering looking for some, i gotta give him a bj for his "naptime" (if he decides he's taking a nap that day) and then again at night he's expecting something. I really don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here..I don't think I just want to give it to him whenever he wants it even if I don't.
> Mainly: I want him to be happy. But...I also want to be happy too.


While I agree that it's wonderful your H craves you and wants to be connected with you this way constantly (I'm cheering for you in this respect!), some of the things you have written here sounds as though your sexual needs aren't necessarily being considered. I will happily stand corrected if this isn't the case. 

I think it's possible that his fear of your future self turning him down, could be warranted if he continues this behavior in the long term. I'd personally be turned-off by someone that I felt could become stroppy if I said no once in a while and by your post I am wondering if he's unintentionally becoming a selfish lover? Or if he worried about you cheating before (even though you haven't) that his insecurity also drives this desire to be as close as possible with you, along with his hormones and affection towards you. Has another woman cheated on him in the past?

Do you have loving touch and sensuality between you as well as sex? Based on other posts I've read here (not from my own experience), it sounds almost predictable that after a few years of this behavior and his approach, that you risk eventually becoming resentful of being woken at 3am and then having to tread on eggshells about occasionally saying no and as a result, no longer want to be sexual with him. I'm not sure what to suggest, maybe the men can advice here. You certainly want to keep encouraging his desire for you and enjoying sex together but I'm wondering if you can somehow show him a different way of being with you that includes slowing things down slightly to show him how you can worship each others bodies in a way that's more than giving him a hj before nap-time and being woken and expected to be "on". In the long run, this may help keep you interested in sex and remind him how wonderful it is for him to see you in that ecstatic state and feeling satisfied. For the record, I do think a quickie and one-sided pleasure is fine but by what you have written this sounds like it's becoming more the norm rather than both of you feeling pleasured. Get this sorted now..... then if your 30's hormones hit you the way they hit me, chances are you'll be in for an even more FANTASTIC time together  Best wishes!


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## alphaomega

As I guy, of course I'm going to vote....every day

Some of your post intrigues me. Particularly the part about needing a BJ before a nap.

Honestly, this sounds like association. Sex makes me relaxed. Relaxed makes me sleep. It comes across as a replacement for a baby soother you give to infants.

Not sure if this is a problem or not. I have no experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister

LOL. BJ before "nap time"????

This guy won the lottery in marrying you.


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## shawna

Lol at sinnisters comment!


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## RandomDude

Do the opposite of what the missus does, stop feeding him protein. Personally I have to eat tons of meat + extra tuna cans to keep up with my wife. Less protein may most probably lower his sex drive.


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## charlene

RandomDude said:


> Do the opposite of what the missus does, stop feeding him protein. Personally I have to eat tons of meat + extra tuna cans to keep up with my wife. Less protein may most probably lower his sex drive.


hmm i'll try that ...........for his menu!


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## RandomDude

Yes, you are what you eat =)

Feed him an animal you'll get an animal, feed him a vegetable and he'll become... :rofl:


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## shannypooh

Hi DazednConfused2011, I am new to this site and I came across your post (I got on this site because I needed some support, in reference to the same situation as you). I was wondering if any of the suggestions worked or did you actually tell him how you felt and his reaction to what you said. 

I made a post on yesterday in the sex and marriage forum needing suggestions on how to handle the same deal. Fourtanley my husband doesnt wake me up (ANYMORE) at 3 and 5 am because he need to wake up at 4am to get ready for work, however I cant even count the days he has actually has waken me up in the wee hours in the morning for sex. HOWEVER as soon as he gets off from work and reach home at 5pm by 7by he has had his first "fix" and wants more by 10pm before he lay down for the night. His daily schedule may consisit of waking, working, F**king, eating, video game, F**king, sleeping...and starting over the next day the same routine. And of course (like you) I enjoy it as much as the next guy, however (to me) when it starts getting into a routine and begins to feel like a daily task or chore it bothers me ESPECIALLY when he gets upset when I try to sit down and talk to him about it, and how I feel that it is unselfish of him to not to think about me and how I feel when it come down to sex EVERYDAY! We DONT use/need toys, he watches porn just as much as I do, where that is not a factor (for which I dont think, to me is like watching a regular NBC 8pm line-up, it doesnt affect us like that, we BOTH believe its something fun to watch, where we both dont get turned on or excited from it, we watch it because we both like it...its really nothing behind the porn watching) we dont play sex games or nothing crazy like that for which we/I both think is a waste of time. I got things to do and really dont have time for all the extra cirrcular bed room activites. When its time to do it, I like to get straight to the punch. However there are no sexully limitations in the bed room whatever he wants to try or do WE DO IT as long as it consist of me and him. HOWEVER AGAIN, the everyday sexual desire kills me....and the lady on here that stated she went through a 8 month sex spell... I THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST!!!! however you also stated that you and your H did not have sex everyday (even though he wanted to) I think if you guys had sex everyday, i dont think you would have went through that spell. 
I too hate to tell him no, just because he reacts just like your H (A spoiled brat that can not have his way) and being a mother when you see a spolied brat that is crying,screaming and yelling because they cant have there way the first thing you want to do is beat the hell out of a kid. And that honestly be the first thing I want to do to him is punch him dead in the face for acting childish over something that he gets EVERYDAY! We have been married for 12 years and started having sex about 4-5 times a week, but until a year ago its been 6-7 times a week. Since OCT 19th it has been EVERYDAY!!! And of course the minute I say hubby Im tired I just wanna go to sleep, it turns into...oh who did you have sex with today(WHAT???? ARE YOU SERIOUS????) anyway...DazednConfused2011, I feel your pain and I completely understand I really just want some ansewrs, guidance and prayers.... I am going to check out those books that the 8 month spell lady suggested. 
BTW... I am 33 years old with a 14 year old.


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## PM1

SimplyAmorous said:


> Your husband sounds EXACTLY like I was (yes a woman) when My sex drive went through the roof , I seriously CRAVED it 3 times a day. I had some kind of testosterone Boost in my body, the wave lasted a full 8 months. Not sure why but it is all I could think about, I would lay there at night waiting till am to jump on him, and if I didn't get it, I would start feeling he didn't desire me, he is loosing his sex drive, I would play this over in my mind -that he is slowing down- and I wished he was younger again so he could give it to me 3 times a day, I felt we missed the best years of our life. It was not an easy time for me personally. Looking back this is rather amusing -because I even sent him to the Docs to get his Test checked. AT that time, I didn't know men slow down as they age , I was so clueless.
> 
> I have calmed down since then. ha ha but I am sooo glad I had this experience. It has opened my eyes to how MEN feel.
> 
> The fact your husband wants to be with you so very much over masterbating or looking at porn is a beautiful thing, he loves being close to you, he craves it. I am only leaving this response here -just to give you some idea of how it is--on the other side.QUOTE]
> 
> Add to all of those feelings actual physical pain if you get aroused and are unable to do anything about it and you have nailed the life of the teenage male exactly...:lol:
> 
> If we could all only spend a month in the other's shoes and truly understand how it feels, not just intellectually, how much better would we all get along?
> 
> In this specific case, it sounds like he needs to add a healthy dose of respect and things could improve a lot. I'm sure there are some who would like being woken up, in fact I think some magazines recommend it as a way to "spice things up" but when you need sleep, sometimes it just is not the thing to do. And I was concerned by the comment about ignoring your "No" and doing it anyway. That just doesn't sound good.
> 
> Good luck with the talk, do your best to make him hear you.


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## PM1

OK, apparently I don't have the quote thing down yet. Time to read the help files...


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## shannypooh

PM1 said:


> SimplyAmorous said:
> 
> 
> 
> Your husband sounds EXACTLY like I was (yes a woman) when My sex drive went through the roof , I seriously CRAVED it 3 times a day. I had some kind of testosterone Boost in my body, the wave lasted a full 8 months. Not sure why but it is all I could think about, I would lay there at night waiting till am to jump on him, and if I didn't get it, I would start feeling he didn't desire me, he is loosing his sex drive, I would play this over in my mind -that he is slowing down- and I wished he was younger again so he could give it to me 3 times a day, I felt we missed the best years of our life. It was not an easy time for me personally. Looking back this is rather amusing -because I even sent him to the Docs to get his Test checked. AT that time, I didn't know men slow down as they age , I was so clueless.
> 
> I have calmed down since then. ha ha but I am sooo glad I had this experience. It has opened my eyes to how MEN feel.
> 
> The fact your husband wants to be with you so very much over masterbating or looking at porn is a beautiful thing, he loves being close to you, he craves it. I am only leaving this response here -just to give you some idea of how it is--on the other side.QUOTE]
> 
> Add to all of those feelings actual physical pain if you get aroused and are unable to do anything about it and you have nailed the life of the teenage male exactly...:lol:
> 
> If we could all only spend a month in the other's shoes and truly understand how it feels, not just intellectually, how much better would we all get along?
> 
> In this specific case, it sounds like he needs to add a healthy dose of respect and things could improve a lot. I'm sure there are some who would like being woken up, in fact I think some magazines recommend it as a way to "spice things up" but when you need sleep, sometimes it just is not the thing to do. And I was concerned by the comment about ignoring your "No" and doing it anyway. That just doesn't sound good.
> 
> Good luck with the talk, do your best to make him hear you.
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks for your reply!
> He doesnt wake me up ANYMORE because he now has to get up at 4am, so thats a good thing....but yeah, just doing it anyway just to avoid his childish antics is where I am at....sad
> 
> I know he loves me and cares and all that stuff. When we have those soft talks, he will tell me the reason why he wants to have sex with me SO MUCH is because I simply just turn him on...so my reply to him sounds like this... Baby I just walked in the room and turned on the light, how did that turn you on? he will say something like...because the reflection from the light hit your ass and it looked like it was glowing. ???? LOL yes some off the wall sh*t like that....LOL anyway...i guess im going to have to wait until my 8 month spell but until then, i'd rather just go back to the 4-5 times a week not a full blast 7. I just want some rest,,,,
Click to expand...


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## Mrs. T

RandomDude said:


> Yes, you are what you eat =)
> 
> Feed him an animal you'll get an animal, feed him a vegetable and he'll become... :rofl:


Gotta love that one...:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous

In this hormone book ... http://www.amazon.com/Alchemy-Love-Lust-Theresa-Crenshaw/dp/0671004441 .... it says the younger 20 somethings men are best matched sexually with late 30's -early 40's yr olds women (those awakening Cougars)... I couldn't agree more ! And men in their late 40's are often a good match sexually for early 20's women cause their sex drives are more similar (statistically anyway) ..... but LOVE can conquer all -if both spouses come together and truly care for one anothers needs.... whether it be emotional for the woman and physically sexual for the man. 

Now I am known as the "8 month spell lady" - I was laughing at that. :rofl:

PM1 , that is EXACTLY how I often described it -that I stepped into the body of a raging hormonal teen male . To this day, I am not sure how any of them can get any homework done with their mind & loins on fire like that. I would have been seriously peed off if I could not touch and "take" my husband, I learned through that , he LIKED aggressive women, what a blessing , because I became just that ! 

.


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## PM1

I found that "lifting cars" helped me pass the teen years (not actually lifting them off the ground, but grabbing a bumper and pulling it up like I was trying). Burned off some of the excess energy.

The worst was when my GF at the time came over when my parents were gone and thought showering together would be cool. It was, but we were not active so that was as far as it went. I literally could barely walk all that day at work. Oh, the fond memories...


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## shannypooh

SimplyAmorous said:


> In this hormone book ... Amazon.com: The Alchemy of Love and Lust (9780671004446): Theresa L. Crenshaw: Books .... it says the younger 20 somethings men are best matched sexually with late 30's -early 40's yr olds women (those awakening Cougars)... I couldn't agree more ! And men in their late 40's are often a good match sexually for early 20's women cause their sex drives are more similar (statistically anyway) ..... but LOVE can conquer all -if both spouses come together and truly care for one anothers needs.... whether it be emotional for the woman and physically sexual for the man.
> 
> Now I am known as the "8 month spell lady" - I was laughing at that. :rofl:
> 
> PM1 , that is EXACTLY how I often described it -that I stepped into the body of a raging hormonal teen male . To this day, I am not sure how any of them can get any homework done with their mind & loins on fire like that. I would have been seriously peed off if I could not touch and "take" my husband, I learned through that , he LIKED aggressive women, what a blessing , because I became just that !
> 
> .



Thank You 8 month spell lady,:rofl:

I appreciate your advise and sharing your knowledge that you have found helpful through these interesting reads. I am going to check out the books you suggested to get a better understanding for my H sex drive. As they say, The more you know....


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## MNM

My husband and I have only been married for less than 2 years so we are no longer interested in the 3 times a day thing. HAHA We would probably do it everyday still, except that we realized the first year in that the sex was much better if we waited a few days in between. Too much of a good thing, you know? Anyway, I also knew early on that my husband had a hormonal imbalance. He wanted to do it like a rabbit all the time. Now he is more easy going about sex.


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## SimplyAmorous

shannypooh said:


> Thank You 8 month spell lady,:rofl:
> 
> I appreciate your advise and sharing your knowledge that you have found helpful through these interesting reads. I am going to check out the books you suggested to get a better understanding for my H sex drive. As they say, The more you know....


I sometimes wonder if I am any help on here, cause I go on & on about these things that likely sound outragous to some women. I so appreciate your hearing and.... believing. 

I get ANGRY at myself NOW in my mid 40's for NOT being what I needed to be for my husband back then, and this is the only thing I can accually do to make up for that, ya know- cause he ain't feeling it now the way he used to. This is kind of a cruel joke God plays on us. I wish I had a sexual mentor back then, da** what a blessing it would have been, or I picked up the right books on sex. 

So all I can do is try to get other young women/wives to learn of these things -so it will help their marraiges. My husband NEVER nagged or pushed me for sex like MOST husbands do...(would you believe I was mad at him for this -after my drive went up, I feel his holding back cheated us both!!)..... what he did instead was "suffer in silence"- though we always had sex at least once a week -cause by then I was craving it like MAD too, I alwyas had a decent sex drive, but I don't think he knew that, cause we never talked about it -ever in 19 yrs. He would have loved at least once a day back then, but I was sexually repressed somewhat and very uneducated about the male sex drive -obviously. 

So good for you ! This will only enhance your marraige. I just hope your husband gives you all YOU need as well -emotionally affectionally, communcatively, his time, his love. Mine always did --so really, I am the one who screwed things up back then, he was always wonderful to me, I had zero complaints about him. His problem was he was too respectful, even too unselfish, you don't hear women say that one too much! 

I am seriously nothing like my husband, if these roles would have been reversed, I would have been a nagging lunatic to get sex. I just know me too well. So again, I can relate to men and their irritating ways. That crazy drive of mine has passed, though it still ticks me off that we NEVER had that special "hopping like bunny rabbits time" of 3 times a day like so many young people experinced.

Sorry if I already repeated some of this, but what we have now is ......we still have sex 4-6 times a week, but what drives us is purely the emotional connection. I am not feeling that LUST like I was- kinda miss it -da** it ! Wish it would come back but I think my time has passed.


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## Bobby5000

With 2 kids, every day is just too much. Talk to him and explain that this frequency can or will make you dislike it, and see if he can get down to every other days. 



DazednConfused2011 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I've been reading a lot of posts on here about pretty much the same topic "My husband wants sex too much/every day" Mainly, because I am having the same problem and because I am completely confused on what I should do in this situation.
> In the threads I've read the moral of the story was "Talk to him" and "Compromise" and I completely agree. I'm planning on talking to him. And talking to him completely honestly at that.
> The thing is...when I'm honest with him about these issues...he tends to get very defensive and angry at my honesty. Let me back up a bit and voice my issue.
> 
> Me and my husband have been married 9 years. I'm 27 and he's 30. We've got 2 kids and they're 7 and 5. They're easy to take care of, they're fantastic kids, I couldn't have asked for better. That being said, my issue isn't that I'm too tired from taking care of them and I don't want sex.
> My issue is that me and my husband have sex nearly -everday-. And I don't phone-it-in either. I truly do enjoy it. But, when he's waking me up at say 5AM or...even 3AM. I'm just not really in that kind of mood -right when I wake up-. Thats not to say I don't -ever- do it at those times but -sometimes- I just don't want to. Most of the time I'll cave in and do it anyway but sometimes I'll really say no but then he gets mad and sometimes he just doesn't care and pushes me into it anyway. (which I think is kind of unfair, like what I want doesn't matter, right?) But not only does he want it in the wee hours of the morning, he also wants it before bed and when he takes a nap during the day. So by my calculations thats 3 times a day, 7 times a week.
> 
> Is it just me, or does that seem like -a bit- much?
> 
> This morning, I said no. And today before he left for classes, he said "So, you gotta tell me when a good time for you is because you don't ever want to do it anymore."
> 
> What am I supposed to do with that? Am I supposed to just be like "Ok, we'll set a scheduled time and only have sex then." or do I just say "Ok, we'll do it whenever you want." Either way sounds like a bum deal to me. And I'm not sure what kind of compromise he'd be willing to work out. Last time we had this fight he thought I was -cheating- on him. Which is entirely ridiculous.
> 
> Sometimes, I'm just not in that mood. I don't know why but it seems like every time he's in this "i want sex all the time" mood and I'm in that "I kind don't want sex that much" mood. It's like we're on seperate pages that are like..kind of next to each other but not close enough to be on the same side.
> 
> Today, when he gets home I'm going to be completely honest with him. Even if it makes him mad to hear how I'm feeling. I just don't care anymore, if he can't understand that sometimes I'm just not in that mood, even if I'm not tired and not exhausted.
> 
> What I'm wondering is, how do I help him understand that this actually happens? As a guy, it's like he can't ever imagine a time when he -doesn't- want sex. How can I help him understand that women aren't the same that way? How can I help him understand that it's not that I don't want him or that I don't want to have sex anymore and that it's just that I'm not feeling this way -all the time-? I'm afraid he might get offended if I tell him something like that. He takes things personally sometimes and gets super-mad. how can I help him understand that I'm not just trying to hurt him?
> 
> I really am Dazed 'n Confused.


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