# Boyfriends new female friend



## Bunnehgirl (Sep 17, 2012)

Hi, this is my first time posting in any sort of forum =)
Was just looking for a second opinion about my boyfriends female friend.

We have been dating for about 3 years now and a few months ago we broke up for a while, this was because we both stopped communicating and took it out on each other for stresses financially and from our careers. During the break up he started confiding emotionally in this female friend (that we both just met a few months ago) who was dating on and off another friend of ours. 

After a few weeks we both wanted to get back together and try again and it’s going really well (Even though at the moment it’s long distance). The only thing is, this female friend of his has brought up the possibility of a future with my boyfriend with him while we were separated (also while she was still dating this friend of ours). My boyfriend says that he said no, but they are still great friends with no awkwardness between them. But it is awkward for me now because I am convinced she has her own agenda. Also my boyfriend is the type that is “too nice” to tell her to completely back off.. if that makes sense. 

I feel awkward about the whole situation, especially since she has even stayed over at his house once (and I am still interstate) by herself. I feel guilty for not trusting him but I really feel threatened. I don’t want to be overprotective, but honestly I have no way of knowing if anything was going on unless he told me. 

I have explained how I feel to him before, and sometimes he gets frustrated that I don’t trust him. But it has been extra hard especially since the rocky patch we have been through. She was very much “there” once I was gone. 

Other times he is really reassuring. It’s not like I’m the new addition to this triangle as he has known me for much longer aswell. 
Am I worrying about nothing?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Hello Bunny,

No, you are not worrying about nothing. I do not get what breaking up for a few month's meant. Did you agree on separating temporally or was it just that, a break up? Because in the latter case he was free to start a new relation.

Maybe he has now two choices and cannot decide with which one to continue, he wants to keep options open.

How committed is your new relation with him, what did you two discuss and how serious is this all, how old are you two?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Solid advice above. You need to set boundaries now and let him know that anything beyond a very casual non interactive relationship with her is a deal breaker. Do not waste anymore time.


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## Bunnehgirl (Sep 17, 2012)

We did break up but it was only for about 2 weeks anyway Officially we are back together now exclusively 
We have dated for 3 years before that and are both 22. 


She is in a relationship with another guy aswell even though both her and him always complain openly about how bad they are together which is weird.. 

It is especially weird because i only get to see him every couple weeks for a few days at the moment. 

Also I am not sure about how far these "talks" about their future together were.. he says she brought it up and he turned it down.. but then later tried to snuggle when they were watching a movie.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

It all seems very strange to me. I know I wouldn't allow this in my relationship, but then again, I don't believe in having close friends of the opposite sex, period. Acquaintances are okay because we always have to associate with the opposite sex at work, but that's it.

What's your gut feeling about this girl? Trust it. I found that whenever I felt uneasy about a certain woman in my boyfriend's life, I was usually right (even if they were around a lot of other women at school / work that they associated with). 

It sounds like your boyfriend is a little too close for comfort to this friend of his. How often does he see her?

I can share a similar story. My boyfriend had a married female coworker (admittedly, who he knew long before me) who I felt that he was a little too close to. They worked 2 jobs together and she constantly tried to contact him outside of work, nearly everyday. There was nothing inappropriate in their conversations, but I still didn't like how close they were, so I asked him to stop contacting her outside work. He did, and we have not heard from her in the past 5-6 months. He said he talks to her less at work now, and she didn't like it at all. Turns out his sister (who works with him) and his ex-girlfriend also didn't trust her, and if I know them, they're very friendly, warm people. 

There's really something not right about the way your boyfriend is behaving. I'd go with your instinct on this one.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

RClawson said:


> Solid advice above. You need to set boundaries now and let him know that anything beyond a very casual non interactive relationship with her is a deal breaker. Do not waste anymore time.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Probably not a lot you can do as long as you're long distance. Kind of hard to truly say you're together when you only see each other every couple weeks. At the very least, men have needs that are obviously being ignored in this case for weeks at a time. Do you have a plan to end the long distance problem? Have you always been long distance?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

You and your bf being long distance right now complicates the solution.

why are you two LD at the moment and have/had you two discussed how to end the LD aspect of your relationship?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I would say that you should end the long distant thing. Let it go for now. I believe that if you mention it too much that you are either going to come off as completely insecure or you are going to obsess your self right out of this relationship.
I get that this girl is aggressive in chasing men but think of this. Until you have reason to doubt your Bf's faithfulness you need to not be sounding accusing or worried. The distance makes it hard I am sure, as you worry that she is there and you are not. Simply close this long distant gap and do not worry about the girl until she crosses the line/boundaries while you are now a couple.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why are you long distance?



Bunnehgirl said:


> During the break up he started confiding emotionally in this female friend
> 
> The only thing is, *this female friend of his has brought up the possibility of a future with my boyfriend *with him while we were separated (also while she was still dating this friend of ours).
> 
> ...



Nope, you are not worrying over nothing. You have a right to be concerned. That gut feeling in your stojmach is there for a reason.

This girl isn't his "friend" if she has discussed them romantically before and has stayed over at his house. Why did she stay at his house when she is dating someone else and he is dating you? 

Riddle me that. 

At minimum, he doesn't care about your feelings and fails to see your point of view. 

If you met a guy, confided in him and that guy wanted a romantic relationship with you and stayed the night at your house---would your boyfriend be ok with it? My bet is HELL no.

I say you should move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Bunnehgirl said:


> *She is in a relationship with another guy aswell even though both her and him always complain openly about how bad they are together *which is weird..
> 
> Also I am not sure about how far these "talks" about their future together were.. he says she brought it up and he turned it down.. *but then later tried to snuggle when they were watching a movie*.


Red flag red flag red flag

She and your boyfriend have bad boundaries. Totally inappropriate to be "snuggling" and "watching movies" when they are with other people. 

You feel this way because you know already: it's wrong.

You bet your azz your boyfriend would *flip* if you had a guy who expressed interest in you staying at your house and "snuggling" you and watching movies together, talking smack about eachothers' partners.

If it walks like a duck... QUACK QUACK.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

There is a saying: in order to keep something you have to let it go.

So tell him you are not feeling exclusive in the relation, and end it for now, until he has grown up enough to start a real love relation with a women.

If he really loves you he will come strong back to you. You know by the intensity of HIS feelings if he is for real or not. Then YOU decide whether to take him back or not.

This, or you will be 'doormatting' in this relation and may keep doing that in your next relations. Be Strong!


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

This has happened to me before. My wife just called the woman and told her to back off. I wasn't doing anything so it didn't matter to me anyways. I seriously think you are right though. I think she does have an agenda


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