# OnLine dating questions-



## BlueWoman

So I see on guy on POF that seems like he could be a good match for me.
I message him, making a comment on his headline.
The next day he messages me back and comments that we seem to have some things in common. But doesn't elaborate.

So I ask him a questions about a comment in his profile. He responds. I respond...and then that's all there is to say about that. 

So I give it one more shot and ask him if he has any pets. He does. He has one dog. And then he tells me about a dog he lost in September. I offer my condolences...he responds back, wash rinse, repeat.

But at no point does he ask me a question. And I think we've killed the dead dog conversation (no pun intended.) 

I honestly don't want to ask another question. Should I just leave it? 

I really hate OLD.


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## frootloop

This sounds to me like he's not really interested, but is not willing to come out and say it.

Even if he was interested, he clearly has social issues, so you may as well move along either way.


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## Wolf1974

BlueWoman said:


> So I see on guy on POF that seems like he could be a good match for me.
> I message him, making a comment on his headline.
> The next day he messages me back and comments that we seem to have some things in common. But doesn't elaborate.
> 
> So I ask him a questions about a comment in his profile. He responds. I respond...and then that's all there is to say about that.
> 
> So I give it one more shot and ask him if he has any pets. He does. He has one dog. And then he tells me about a dog he lost in September. I offer my condolences...he responds back, wash rinse, repeat.
> 
> But at no point does he ask me a question. And I think we've killed the dead dog conversation (no pun intended.)
> 
> I honestly don't want to ask another question. Should I just leave it?
> 
> I really hate OLD.


Yes. If he doesn't ask you anything back he isn't interested. He is just being polite.


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## BlueWoman

That was my impression, but wanted to double check. Honestly I would rather he just didn't reply then drag the conversation on. It's more clear.


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## Wolf1974

BlueWoman said:


> That was my impression, but wanted to double check. Honestly I would rather he just didn't reply then drag the conversation on. It's more clear.


Yeah not sure why some people do that. I have always preferred direct. When a woman says hey thanks for the interest don't think we have much in common I try not to over think it...anymore..... And just move on because honestly it really doesn't matter what the reason is.

you get used to this after while, don't give up hope. The one universal rule I have learned in online dating and relationships is never give more than they are willing to.


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## SARAHMCD

I've had very similar OLD conversations before. I assumed they just weren't that interested so stopped emailing only to hear back from them a day or two later with a "?" or "are you still there?". 

This confused me further since they hadn't asked me one question about myself. So obviously they were interested, they just didn't know how to communicate. Either way, too much work and I didn't reply again.


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## Healer

Either not interested or just rude. Move along.


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## Married but Happy

I've experienced the same thing with many women, even when they initiated contact. They never ask a question, only respond to questions, so there's no opening to continue a conversation. Are they interested? Who knows! After giving them a couple of chances, I may write one more email without any questions, and see if they have any response. If not, no loss. If they do write again, my response - if any - depends on what they say.


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## BlueWoman

It's very aggravating. I got another message from a different guy. My profile has questions, so he answered the question and then said we had things in common. 

So I ask him what we have in common, and he responds vaguely. Again, no questions. Nothing to comment on. Why bother if you aren't going to try? 

I swear I would love to run an online dating class to teach guys what not to do in their profiles.

Also his name is weird...it's percocet### (I don't remember the numbers.) Who names themselves after a narcotic? It's actually why I didn't message or favorite him in the first place.


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## arbitrator

BlueWoman said:


> It's very aggravating. I got another message from a different guy. My profile has questions, so he answered the question and then said we had things in common.
> 
> So I ask him what we have in common, and he responds vaguely. Again, no questions. Nothing to comment on. Why bother if you aren't going to try?
> 
> I swear I would love to run an online dating class to teach guys what not to do in their profiles.
> 
> Also his name is weird...it's percocet### (I don't remember the numbers.) Who names themselves after a narcotic? It's actually why I didn't message or favorite him in the first place.


*Naming yourself after a known narcotic should automatically be a red flag, in and of itself!

Anyone who, knowingly or unknowingly, treats a person that rudely needs to be dropped like a hot rock!*


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## BetrayedDad

BlueWoman said:


> So I ask him what we have in common, and he responds vaguely....
> 
> 
> Also his name is weird...it's percocet### (I don't remember the numbers.) Who names themselves after a narcotic?



LOL, his meds were probably kicking in that's why he's so aloof. I know things can't be this tough that your willing to chat up a pill popper.


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## Married but Happy

BlueWoman said:


> Also his name is weird...it's percocet### (I don't remember the numbers.) Who names themselves after a narcotic?


Maybe he's a drug company sales rep.


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## Amorous

I would move along, in my experience, some people are just terrible at typing, but if they are not suggesting switching to phone or meeting for coffee if you are close they are usually not interested or not socially adept.

Mind you that some people are not looking for a strong connection so they are perfectly happy to trade a line or two about the weather with someone who they find attractive and think that is enough to find love.

A few years ago when I used PoF I noticed a lot of people were attention seekers, so you get treated nicely in hopes you favorite them


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## SecondTime'Round

Original guy was not Percocet, right?

Regarding Original Guy....I'd say that yes, he's not interested or a terrible communicator. However, I'll present a third option....he's had 1 or 2 days with someone else already, they got along, but he's not QUITE sure what is going on....he's interested enough to not want to invest too much attention into you, but not sure enough about other girl to delete the profile. So he doesn't want to NOT reply to you, doesn't want to tell you he's dating someone, but doesn't want to lead you on either in case things end up working out with the new girl.


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## BlueWoman

SecondTime'Round said:


> Original guy was not Percocet, right?
> 
> Regarding Original Guy....I'd say that yes, he's not interested or a terrible communicator. However, I'll present a third option....he's had 1 or 2 days with someone else already, they got along, but he's not QUITE sure what is going on....he's interested enough to not want to invest too much attention into you, but not sure enough about other girl to delete the profile. So he doesn't want to NOT reply to you, doesn't want to tell you he's dating someone, but doesn't want to lead you on either in case things end up working out with the new girl.


Well in my mind same difference. I am nobody's plan B.


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## Shoto1984

When someone isn't advancing the conversation they either aren't interested, aren't interested because their attention is on someone else at that time, or are just socially inept. I only have so much time to devote to emails. If I'm focusing on someone it feels strange to be opening up new contacts at the same time. Call me old fashion.


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## gouge_away

BlueWoman said:


> So I see on guy on POF that seems like he could be a good match for me.
> I message him, making a comment on his headline.
> The next day he messages me back and comments that we seem to have some things in common. But doesn't elaborate.
> 
> So I ask him a questions about a comment in his profile. He responds. I respond...and then that's all there is to say about that.
> 
> So I give it one more shot and ask him if he has any pets. He does. He has one dog. And then he tells me about a dog he lost in September. I offer my condolences...he responds back, wash rinse, repeat.
> 
> But at no point does he ask me a question. And I think we've killed the dead dog conversation (no pun intended.)
> 
> I honestly don't want to ask another question. Should I just leave it?
> 
> I really hate OLD.


One last question, when would you like to meet me?

Most people are looking to date/hook up. If he has 10 girls messaging him, and he is trying to message 10 more, somebody has to stick out somehow... right?

Or you put them on the spot, say... "I'm starting to wrap up some of my conversations on here. Let me know if your at all interested. If not, take care."


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## SARAHMCD

But why would you want to ask out a guy who doesn't seem interested enough to ask you a question?
I've been texting for an hour with a guy I met online and he hasn't asked me a single question either except what I was doing tonight. Hmmmm...we're supposed to meet tomorrow and now I'm wondering if this is a sign of things to come. Red flag?


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## Jane139

I am kind of in the middle of a conversation too tonight...but at least he is asking me questions, i.e to recommend a book or two, about the hockey game, etc...I am still debating meeting him, or anyone, in person. Would be a first. I want to but at the same time, am hesitant. But it seems some men are tentative as well and don't mind just emailing for a while.


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## SARAHMCD

Some emailing is good to get you to a certain comfort level. But too much personal sharing can make you put too much pressure on that first meet up or date. And you can invest a lot of time on someone who you turn out to have no physical chemistry with. 
But t a ke whatever time you need to feel comfortable that this person is your type and even worth the night out.


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## arbitrator

SARAHMCD said:


> But why would you want to ask out a guy who doesn't seem interested enough to ask you a question?
> I've been texting for an hour with a guy I met online and he hasn't asked me a single question either except what I was doing tonight. Hmmmm...we're supposed to meet tomorrow and now I'm wondering if this is a sign of things to come. Red flag?


* Could they maybe just be saving those questions for the date?*


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## SARAHMCD

I hope so. Maybe guys think if they answer all the woman's questions we'll feel more comfortable meeting up with them? Guess I will find out tonight.


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## EnjoliWoman

Ah, Blue it seems we contact the same men! I ALWAYS email with a question. It sort of forces a response (unless the ignore it altogether or aren't a paid member) and gets the ball rolling plus shows I actually read their profile. Almost all of the time I get and answer, a comment and no question. I assume they aren't interested. If they are just socially inept, I can't have that in my life. I attend enough functions for work where I can't babysit someone who can't mingle and carry on a conversation, which is a 2-way activity.


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## gouge_away

Ask them, is their anything you would like to ask me?


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## EnjoliWoman

That's a good idea. Ballsy but not overly aggressive and it certainly puts the ball in their court. They'll either take it as a hint to ask about common interests, a hint to ask for a date or it will result in a "are you DTF?" haha


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## SecondTime'Round

DanielLee5 said:


> If the guy was interested, he would show it, believe me) I have some dating experience ( https://mymagicbrides.com ,OkC) and I can make you sure - men join these sites for different reasons, and not all of them are looking for relationships, sometimes they want to chat with someone, improve their self-esteem, have fun, etc.


Have you seen the documentary about men who take trips to Russia to find brides? I watched it on Netflix about a month ago. It was interesting, but I found it depressing and sad.


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## Morcoll

BlueWoman said:


> Well in my mind same difference. I am nobody's plan B.


The scenario presented, re having gone out with someone else, may be what is going on, but without actually meeting someone you cannot really be considered a plan B. You are taking it way too personally. 

If YOU are interested in meeting him, just say so. Ask him to meet your for coffee. If he doesn't respond or says no, you have your answer right there. 

Are you afraid of being rejected by someone you don't know?


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## Shoto1984

Following on the thought above, the "when it rains, it pours" thing has held true for me in OLD. Is there an option to pay more and get the mails spaced out evenly?


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## Morcoll

I highly recommend a less than 60 minute meeting over coffee for the first one. And yeah, it is nice to come on here and vent, but if you really want to explore more, just ask him to meet in person. Sometimes, OFTEN times, people are not fully aware of how they are coming across, OR they are checking from their phone while doing something else. 

There could be a myriad of reasons someone has not asked you a question; it is all speculation and a lot of judging going on here without ANY idea of the other person's perspective. 

Frankly, I have found the best way, instead of random emails, is to ask someone to meet in person if I am wanting to, rather than going back and forth for days. If they are not ready but we both want to learn more, THEN I am ok with messaging.


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## EnigmaGirl

I met my current husband on POF.

If I could make one recommendation for anyone online dating, its buy a webcam and have a few webcam meetings before meeting anyone. Phone calls are good but there's nothing like actually seeing someone in person before they're sitting across a table from you. You learn a lot about someone's mannerisms and you can't backspace when you're talking on webcam. Also you rule out that person that shows up on a real date and either isn't the person on their picture or gave you a picture from 20 years and 40 pounds ago. Overall, its just safer and potentially saves you the time to get ready for a bad date.

If someone isn't willing to have a webcam conversation with you, don't bother meeting them....something is probably wrong.

I also kept my profile hidden so I didn't have people contacting me. If I saw someone that I wanted to talk to, I could control it. What's interesting is that I talked to about 10-12 guys...webcammed with 3...and only ever met 1...my now husband who was only on POF for two days before I snapped him up.


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## BetrayedDad

EnigmaGirl said:


> Overall, its just safer and potentially saves you the time to get ready for a bad date.
> 
> If someone isn't willing to have a webcam conversation with you, don't bother meeting them....something is probably wrong.


You don't have 30-60 mins to meet someone for coffee or a drink in a public place? I mean to each their own but I'd be legitimately weirded out if someone insisted on webcaming with me first. 

When I online dated all my pics were within the last three months and I was totally on the up and up. I guess that's not the norm if some women need to go to those lengths prior to a face to face meeting.


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## Rowan

I don't webcam. I'd be freaked right out if some guy asked me to do that instead of just meeting for a quick coffee or a drink, or even dinner. And so far, it's never happened. Perhaps that's a generational thing, though, that younger people might be more accepting of.


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## SecondTime'Round

EnigmaGirl said:


> I met my current husband on POF.
> 
> If I could make one recommendation for anyone online dating, its buy a webcam and have a few webcam meetings before meeting anyone. Phone calls are good but there's nothing like actually seeing someone in person before they're sitting across a table from you. You learn a lot about someone's mannerisms and you can't backspace when you're talking on webcam. Also you rule out that person that shows up on a real date and either isn't the person on their picture or gave you a picture from 20 years and 40 pounds ago. Overall, its just safer and potentially saves you the time to get ready for a bad date.
> 
> If someone isn't willing to have a webcam conversation with you, don't bother meeting them....something is probably wrong.
> 
> I also kept my profile hidden so I didn't have people contacting me. If I saw someone that I wanted to talk to, I could control it. What's interesting is that I talked to about 10-12 guys...webcammed with 3...and only ever met 1...my now husband who was only on POF for two days before I snapped him up.


I think you have a great system that probably works. 

Talking on the phone is my least favorite way of communicating, and webcamming is a close second. I prefer to spend the time talking face to face, but that's just me. There's nothing wrong with webcamming at all, or talking on the phone. This is the 21 century after all.


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## bkyln309

For me, webcamming with a stranger is just weird. I would rather meet for a cup of coffee or a drink. There is nothing that replicates face to face communication.


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## EnigmaGirl

> You don't have 30-60 mins to meet someone for coffee or a drink in a public place? I mean to each their own but I'd be legitimately weirded out if someone insisted on webcaming with me first.


Well, I'm female...so dates were never really 30-60 minutes for me. It takes me that long to blow dry my hair.

Also, personally I feel safer and far more comfortable knowing someone a little better before I'm in their physical company. Its simply a nicer date for me when I feel a little more secure. There's a lot of guys that seem ok to type or talk to but have weird mannerisms in person.

Lastly, I know a lot of people who've shown up for dates from online sites and find out that the person that they're meeting is not the same person who's picture they saw. They either send a fake pic or they send an old pic. It happens a lot.

To me, the best thing about online dating is that it gives you the opportunity to meet more people that you normally wouldn't have exposure to. The problem is that you have a higher level of rejects...so the webcam methodology lets you get through that volume of dates more quickly.

If someone wouldn't webcam...its their choice but I wouldn't have bothered to meet them.


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## gouge_away

I usually go with the line, "let's meet, and if it doesn't work out, you never have to talk to me again." Of course that goes both ways.


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## Wolf1974

Rowan said:


> I don't webcam. I'd be freaked right out if some guy asked me to do that instead of just meeting for a quick coffee or a drink, or even dinner. And so far, it's never happened. Perhaps that's a generational thing, though, that younger people might be more accepting of.


Yep same thing. 

I email, then text, quick phone call if we must then we have to meet face to face. Reason is you can, over a long period of time, develop a fantasy about another person through email, text, phone and yes even Skype or FaceTime that isn't the reality. Then you meet and it's a huge disappointment. 

My rule is from time or email back and forth we had better meet in one week. That's worked best for me


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## Morcoll

Wolf1974 said:


> Yep same thing.
> 
> I email, then text, quick phone call if we must then we have to meet face to face. Reason is you can, over a long period of time, develop a fantasy about another person through email, text, phone and yes even Skype or FaceTime that isn't the reality. Then you meet and it's a huge disappointment.
> 
> My rule is from time or email back and forth we had better meet in one week. That's worked best for me


I do not have a rule, necessarily but I agree with this. No overdoing it via text/email. Just a feel for if both parties are at least somewhat interested, then a short meet in person quickly. Then you know for certain if you want to continue getting to know them.


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## Jane139

I have not yet had the nerve, or sufficient interest, to meet anyone in person. Hope I find someone I at least want to meet, although it would be a quick coffee date, if anything. Not sure if I should go meet a man I am not attracted to, who says he is fine with just being friends...is this ever true? Do men of a certain age (50+) really want female friends, just to have a meal with or whatever? If so, I would be up for that.


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## gouge_away

Just go thru your relationship books and ask the interesting questions at the end of chapters.


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## BetrayedDad

Jane139 said:


> Not sure if I should go meet a man I am not attracted to, who says he is fine with just being friends...is this ever true?


So, you met him on a dating site. You told him you're not attracted to him and he's okay with that?!? Further, he even wants to be friends with you and meet up anyway? To what? Chat about the future you will never have together?

Sounds like the "doesn't want to take no for an answer type". You know the "your lips say no but your eyes say yes" kind. Think they can "win you over" with their stunning personality. They are usually quick to push established boundaries and turn real weird real fast.



Jane139 said:


> Do men of a certain age (50+) really want female friends, just to have a meal with or whatever? If so, I would be up for that.


In case it's not obvious to you no, it's not true. Are you on a dating website to find creepy friends like this guy or to find a relationship? Why would you even entertain this?!? If for some bizarre reason you do, please go to a public place, in separate cars, and call a friend before and after the date to confirm you're okay.


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## SecondTime'Round

Jane139 said:


> I have not yet had the nerve, or sufficient interest, to meet anyone in person. Hope I find someone I at least want to meet, although it would be a quick coffee date, if anything. Not sure if I should go meet a man I am not attracted to, who says he is fine with just being friends...is this ever true? Do men of a certain age (50+) really want female friends, just to have a meal with or whatever? If so, I would be up for that.


I did this once when I was OLD. It took me a while to even agree to meet, and it was on a night that I was really bored so I did. Although he was a perfectly nice guy (very nerdy, though), it really felt like a waste of my time in the end. He wasn't a stalker or weird after the fact. I think we became friends on LinkedIn and I even got an email from him several months ago to say hi. I didn't respond.


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## Morcoll

Jane139 said:


> I have not yet had the nerve, or sufficient interest, to meet anyone in person. Hope I find someone I at least want to meet, although it would be a quick coffee date, if anything. Not sure if I should go meet a man I am not attracted to, who says he is fine with just being friends...is this ever true? Do men of a certain age (50+) really want female friends, just to have a meal with or whatever? If so, I would be up for that.


I would say...if you are in contact through a dating website and if you are not really interested-- don't do it. 

If there is someone that is not all that attractive (from the pics posted) but you are interested in getting to know them, do it. 

But don't do it just to do it if you really know you are not interested. 

Having said that, the girl I have been seeing is gorgeous and her pictures on the site are not great. She is pretty enough in the pictures that I was interested, but that was also b/c of some other interests. Turns out she is much prettier than I could have hoped. 

Just my thoughts.


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## Rowan

Jane139 said:


> I have not yet had the nerve, or sufficient interest, to meet anyone in person. Hope I find someone I at least want to meet, although it would be a quick coffee date, if anything. *Not sure if I should go meet a man I am not attracted to, who says he is fine with just being friends...is this ever true? Do men of a certain age (50+) really want female friends, just to have a meal with or whatever? If so, I would be up for that*.


If you're on a dating site, then no, that's not what men are really looking for. Guys on dating sites want to date, they assume you want to date as well. Now, what exactly "dating" entails may be up for discussion - NSA sex, casual dating, long-term relationship, marriage, whatever - but people on dating sites may safely be presumed to be interested in some form of sexual or romantic relationship. 

If you aren't ready to date, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if that's the case, you might be better off seeking friends through a community organization, civic group, volunteer opportunity, or even on meetup.com. Somewhere that there's not an automatically-implied sexual or romantic angle to the interaction.


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## 3Xnocharm

Morcoll said:


> Having said that, the girl I have been seeing is gorgeous and her pictures on the site are not great. She is pretty enough in the pictures that I was interested, but that was also b/c of some other interests. Turns out she is much prettier than I could have hoped.
> 
> Just my thoughts.


For what its worth, everyone I ever met up with from OLD looked better than his profile pics.


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## Constable Odo

3Xnocharm said:


> For what its worth, everyone I ever met up with from OLD looked better than his profile pics.


Years ago I had mixed experiences. Some better, some worse. A substantial number a LOT worse.

On the other hand, I met my current SO by random chance on OKC. I knew she was an attractive woman before I met her, but in person she looks so incredibly young, the first time we met, I kept looking around for Chris Hanson from "To Catch A Predator" to jump out from behind a bush....


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## SecondTime'Round

DanielLee5 said:


> Nope, I haven't. Depressing? Why? Could you share a link or to tell it's name , please? Thanks.


It's called Love Me. I just looked it up and it's actually the Ukraine, not Russia, they travel to. 

I watched it on Netflix. It was made last year.

Depressing because some of the men just had so much false hope when some of the women were clearly not into them and the viewer could tell that, but the men just couldn't .


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## devotion

I was 'lucky' enough to only online date for a few months. I had no traction on ******* or POF, but I did ok on match.com. There were several girls who I had the same sort of brick wall conversation with .. I would ask questions, they would answer. Then nothing. I would keep trying. They would answer and then again, silence. One I remember asking to meet so we could see if there is any chemistry. Nothing. So I assume that she wanted to chat (for whatever reason) but wasn't really interested. 

On my last online date (who is now my fiancee) after three messages I said 'Let's meet' and she said 'OK'. I've heard other people say they want to chat online for a while before meeting, but both my fiancee and I agreed that meeting in person was the goal -- and quick goal (the webcam idea may work for some, but I agree that for either her or I it would feel weird -- heck its still weird web cam now, I'd rather just talk, text, or meet in person)


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## Morcoll

So did OP end up going on a date w/ someone from POF or no?


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## BlueWoman

Morcoll said:


> So did OP end up going on a date w/ someone from POF or no?


Nope, I never went on a date from someone from POF. I had the best luck with *******, and I'm currently dating someone from there. We've had 3 dates, and at least two in the works.


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## Wolf1974

BlueWoman said:


> Nope, I never went on a date from someone from POF. I had the best luck with *******, and I'm currently dating someone from there. We've had 3 dates, and at least two in the works.


Sweet congrats!!


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## Morcoll

sounds like it's been good w/ this person so far...

Id love to know any red flags to look for AFTER the initial few dates. I have been seeing someone casually for about 2 months now, and I know one thing that is a huge red flag when you look at it from the perspective off TAM, however I am comfortable with it for what we want right now and who she is. 

She is recently divorced and still lives with ex. We have talked about it. I know having gotten into a serious relationship immediately after my divorce that our deal may or may not last, so I didn't make a big deal out of it and just said I needed to know if she ever was sleeping with anyone else-- not details, just to know. 
Other than that we just have fun together and don't get into heavy topics too often. We don't see each other enough to waste time NOT enjoying it.


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## moco82

They are keeping a low-value conversation alive. They wouldn't mind a no-strings-attached engagement, but otherwise they don't see it as worth a bigger investment of time and effort.


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