# Wife admitted to cheating



## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

So about two weeks ago I noticed my wife of 3 years changing in certain ways. It really is hard to explain but she started getting dressed up late at night before I left for work (I'm a cop who works graveyard 8pm-8am). She started going out with friends more and everything which isn't a problem.

Yesterday I met her for lunch during her break at Mcdonalds and she said she needed to get catfood. I explained to her that since I was off work we could both go together once she gets off work. She insisted on getting the catfood so I said ok. I told her to go ahead and get it and that I would see her when she got home. Well, about half way home I decided that I would meet her at Walmart and surprise her by spending a few extra minutes with her. I park my car and start walking towards the store, when I hear a very familiar laugh to the side near some parked cars. I look over and it's my wife and a soldier in uniform across from her. At this point I'm thinking its just a guy getting out of his car to go in the store. I approached them and he was just standing there. When my wife and he saw me they both had a look on their face that I am so familiar with. A look of shame and guilt. I was very confused as to what was going on and the guy tells her "ok well let me know if he's interested" and gives her a card.

My wife and I go into Walmart and she says "why are you following me?". I explained to her that I wanted to spend some extra time with her and that I was just going to go home.
Convinced that something was going on I waited for her to come home. When questioned about the man she explained that she was talking to him for one of her girlfriends because she was interested in joining the military. She said that his recruiting station is in the shopping center and that he met her there to gather the information. Knowing my wife very well and when she is lying I told her that I knew what was going on and that I wasnt stupid. In short, her story continued to change over and over. Eventually she cracked and told me that she really met this guy in a chat room last week and that the "most" they have done was hold hands and that he kissed her goodnight. She also told me that he has been taking her out to dinner and meeting her and such.

My wife has a very promiscuous past that involves her dating military men when she was in college and I was actually in the military when we met. (we met on facebook).
When she told me this I left the house and went looking for this guy and was called by her parents who talked me into coming to their house which I did. My wife has a long history with her own family with not being able to be trusted. She lied to them about being in college after being out for over a year and has lied over and over to the ones around her.
Also about 3 weeks ago She and I were in the computer room and I heard the AOL instant messenger sound. I looked over and saw a chat box with a message from a guy named Sam which said "How was your day". She frantically closed the box and looked over at me. When questioned about the message she stated that it was a girl from college, but after badgering her about it she eventually told me that it was a guy she knew in college but that it wasn't a big deal. 
We continued argueing and eventually I found a military buisiness card for the soldier and is name is "samuel" (hence, the IM screen name SAM)

To top all of this off today is our official wedding anniversary and I'm about to leave to talk to a counselor to see if there is any way for me to cope with the trust issue that is now in our marriage. I do love her with all of my heart, but with my work schedule and type of work I do I can't be at work wondering if shes seeing another man or not. She says she hasn't had sex with him, but I truly don't believe her. Like I said she has had a very promiscuous past in college and I actually almost got her to sleep with me the second day we were dating (although we didn't). I'm just very hurt and confused as to where to go from here. She has ruined her relationship with everyone that cares for her from lying over and over.
I asked her why she started talking to another man and her answer was that she felt that I hated her and didn't think she was pretty anymore even though I always buy her flowers and tell her how beautiful she is. I worship the ground this woman has walked on. She has major self esteem issues as pointed out by her parents who are extremely pissed at her because shes about to lose a very good man who takes great care of her. 

Sorry for such a long post and thanks for any tips or guidance you give.

-Kevin

***UPDATE***

May 01, 2011

So I decided to give her a chance. God forgives people of many sins and I felt that I would have been selfish not to. A few days ago my wife was babysitting a co workers child at their home down the street when she left her eye glasses. I was off that day and my wife came home saying she left them. My wife and I planned to go get the glasses and stopped for lunch. When we got to the office to pick up her eye glasses she had left her phone in the car with me. Her phone received a message and being the nosey cop I am I looked at it. The message was from an unsaved number in her phone and stated "Are you going to see sam?" I was devastated. I had thought that all of this was over. Anyways, there was another message in the phone from an unknown number and my wife came back to the car. I confronted her with the messages and asked her about them she said "oh thats a rachel from work playing a joke, it isnt funny". I asked about the other number and she said "thats from her husband named Joe, he was looking for her (my wife has an ex BF named joe who was in the Marines. She dated him about 6 years ago). I said ok im gunna call the number. She started punching me trying to get the phone away. I called "rachel" and our convo went as this:

Me:"hello who am I speaking with?"
Rachel:"Rachel"
Me:Cool, is Joe around?
Rachel:"I'm sorry you have the wrong number"

Anyways, I ended up finding out that shes talking to her ex BF now. She says he gives her advice but anyways...After the initial Walmart incident and being the computer savy individual I am, I installed a key logger trojan on her computer, which keeps track of every single key stroke she presses. I obtained her email username and password with yahoo and found several messages with phrases such as "I wish I was in your arms right now" "I would leave him now but I can't afford it on my own" "I'm leaving once I graduate from school" and ending with "I'll be thinking of last night and will be dreaming about tonight". 


While I was going through the messages she was out with a woman from her work and I called her. I began reading her the message and she hung up in the middle. I called her back, she answered and I got to the end "I'll be thinking of last night and will be dreaming about tonight"
She paused and said "ok, you caught me". She was gone until about 2AM that night saying that she was afraid of me. I told her I wasn't angry, I was hurt. My heart was hurt.
I finally talked her into coming home and began to question her a little more where she finally admitted to having sex with this Sam fellow. 
I sat her down at the table and told her that I wanted a divorce.

Fast forward to today we are still living in the same home due to finances and every single day she breaks down into tears begging me for another chance. I keep telling her I gave her her chance and she knew the consequences. I told her if it continued I would be done with our marriage. My heart hurts so bad I feel like I have a big pile of goop in the middle of my chest, like im going down a roller coaster. I'm not angry at her at all, I'm upset. My heart hurts so bad and we've both shed alot of tears this week. I told her i'm not going to drop off the face of her planet and stop talking to her or anything and that I'll be her best friend and be there to comfort her and help her through our separation but thats as far as it goes. Deep inside I want to give her another chance, but I've given her a chance and she goes out and has sex with this guy. Now shes full of tears and regret and begs me everytime we see eachother. She says she feels so stupid for what shes done and feels like shes the biggest screwup in the world. One side of me believes her but the other side doesn't. The trust in our marriage is gone and I feel that she won't be able to prove herself again after all of this. I told her what would happen if it continued and sure enough...it continued.
After talking to her and asking if she had feelings for "sam" she said "no, he's an *******" and doesn't talk to me anymore and that he's afraid of me. He got what he wanted and ran for the hills it sounds like. I'm so confused right now and hurt. I'm going to see a counseler tommorow to let some of this out and get more advice.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

KevinH said:


> Convinced that something was going on I waited for her to come home. When questioned about the man she explained that she was talking to him for one of her girlfriends because she was interested in joining the military.


So she initially said the guy in uniform needed info on being in the military.

Oy.

Yeah you need to have a seroius talk with her and tell her that the cheating and lying ends today or you are gone.

Get tested for STDs. 

Why did she lie about being in college if she wasn't?


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Set up a polygraph. You know how effective they are. But you may get her to spill the beans. I think you know with her past and what she is doing now, you have a hard road ahead. Good luck. Advice. Start getting your financial house in order. You may want to separate finance. The problem is, she doesn't feel guilt. At least not enough to tell you the truth. Get the poly, then decide if you have a serial cheater on your hands. How many kids do you have?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> The problem is, she doesn't feel guilt. At least not enough to tell you the truth.


Yep. And that is going to make this a huge uphill battle until she starts owning what she did/is doing.


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## committed4life (Apr 2, 2011)

sorry to hear about the dilemma with your wife be encouraged you are not the first one to go through something like this you have to be strong and stay positive she is a liar therefore unless she start changing from her lying ways you are going to always have trouble with her she has a character deficiency, lack of honesty, if I was in your position I would seek counseling from a spiritual pastor and ask God to help change her lying ways.

If after you try this it would be best to let her go, because infidelity can somethings result in the man killing his wife or other man because of rage and angry plus you have military training which can be dangerous if you are not level head.

My brother been encourage there are other woman out there who would love a faithful and loving husband don't allow your wife to wreck your life.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't think you can changes someone's character. Your description of your wife isn't very flattering. 

I hope you guys don't have any children. You are only in three years. Lots of life ahead of you. I would walk.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Something is broken inside of her. Sounds like you knew that before you married her. Did you think your love had fixed her?

Character, is like a kettle, even when it's been mended, it will alway require repairs.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Get the guys name, and go to his C O---the military frowns on any of their personnel, causing problems for civilians---he could just end up with a couts-martial----then you would have satisfaction w/out getting yourself in trouble

Your wife is lying to you all over the place---she didn't even wanna stay with you at lunch---she wanted to go to be with the other guy---and lied right to your face about it---major problem


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Unless your wife gets into counseling to address her issues this behavior will cycle throughout your marriage. Set your boundaries with her in her contacts with the other sex and get her to counseling ASAP.


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> So she initially said the guy in uniform needed info on being in the military.
> 
> Oy.
> 
> ...


The guy was a military recruiter from what I understand. Im 27 and she is 24 (as of last month). At first she said that her friend was interested in joining the military so that is why she had met him. Anyone with half a brain knows an army recruiter doesn't meet a client in a walmart parking lot. They can take the info over the phone or in their office.


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> Unless your wife gets into counseling to address her issues this behavior will cycle throughout your marriage. Set your boundaries with her in her contacts with the other sex and get her to counseling ASAP.


I just got home from seeing our church counselor. He states that he doesn't know if our marriage is salvageable because of her history of deception with her own parents and because of her past of being promiscuous. He wants to meet with her and maybe suggest a psychologist to address her lying. He also said that alot of people lie because it makes them in control. So they tell a lie and put a huge story behind it because its their world and makes them feel in control.
There has been multiple times when she would randomly tell me something like "Im sorry im not pretty enough" or "im sorry you dont find me attractive". I treat her very well...buy her flowers for no specific reason (drives her co-workers nuts). Tell and show her that I love her by taking her out and treating her like a queen. Self esteem seems to be a huge issue as well. I dont know what I'm going to do here.

My wife was raped by a marine when she was in college (or so she alleges) so I don't know if any of this has to do with that or what, but she is and always has been very drawn toward military/police oriented men. We got married very quick as I stated after knowing each other for only 3 months. Her parents warned me that she was dealing with traumatic issues from the rape, but me having my love blinders on, paid no attention to it and just thought that mom and dad didn't want to let go of their little girl.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

KevinH said:


> The guy was a military recruiter from what I understand. Im 27 and she is 24 (as of last month). At first she said that her friend was interested in joining the military so that is why she had met him. Anyone with half a brain knows an army recruiter doesn't meet a client in a walmart parking lot. They can take the info over the phone or in their office.


Yea, we all know that, so what are you going to do?


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> I don't think you can changes someone's character. Your description of your wife isn't very flattering.
> 
> I hope you guys don't have any children. You are only in three years. Lots of life ahead of you. I would walk.


Nope, no children, just two dogs and a cat.


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

The 13th_Floor said:


> Yea, we all know that, so what are you going to do?


I havn't decided yet. I love her with all of my heart and one side of me says that she will learn from her mistake. The other side says that with my work hours and job description I cant be wondering what shes doing or who shes with. I need to have my head in the game to protect myself. We rent a house so the house isnt an issue and her parents are more than willing to be supportive by letting her come home....I saw it coming and I just knew something was going on...she was dressing like she dressed like when we first met...her hair was so pretty and everything..she was going out more frequently..oh and about 2 weeks ago I had met her for lunch and saw that she didnt have on her wedding ring..when questioned about it she stated "I dont want to mess them up"....all the signs were there...I just loved her too much and was in denial.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Meh. My W's OM is a military recruiter too.



KevinH said:


> Nope, no children, just two dogs and a cat.


Dude... GTFO!!! RUN!!! GIVE HER CUSTODY OF THE ANIMALS AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, DONT TURN AROUND, JUST RUN!!


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Meh. My W's OM is a military recruiter too.
> 
> 
> 
> Dude... GTFO!!! RUN!!! GIVE HER CUSTODY OF THE ANIMALS AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, DONT TURN AROUND, JUST RUN!!


Ultimately I think that will be the conclusion..our lease is up in 2 months and her mom even told her on the phone quote "I wish I could divorce you". Terrible I know but she is a pathological liar. I love her so much and I have so many memories of the fun and good times we've had together which makes it hard. I can't get this guys face out of my head and picture him kissing or even having sex with her and I just want to rip his throat out...She tried to comfort me this morning and apologize and was rubbing my shoulder and I told her not to touch me..I feel like she is contaminated by this guy


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

KevinH said:


> Ultimately I think that will be the conclusion..our lease is up in 2 months and her mom even told her on the phone quote "I wish I could divorce you". Terrible I know but she is a pathological liar. I love her so much and I have so many memories of the fun and good times we've had together which makes it hard. I can't get this guys face out of my head and picture him kissing or even having sex with her and I just want to rip his throat out...She tried to comfort me this morning and apologize and was rubbing my shoulder and I told her not to touch me..I feel like she is contaminated by this guy


File for Divorce, this woman will not change, better to cut and RUN before she gets preggers, either by you or her OM, then she's got you for good!


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Thanks for the replies...am I stupid for thinking she will change? Am I stupid for wanting to give her another chance?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If you were being honest in your original post ... I don't see her changing.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

KevinH said:


> Thanks for the replies...am I stupid for thinking she will change? Am I stupid for wanting to give her another chance?



No you are not stupid and every one deserves a second chance. But with her history a happy ending is likely to be tough. The place to start with is with professional help for her. This is a long term behavior with her that won't be easy to rectify.


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> No you are not stupid and every one deserves a second chance. But with her history a happy ending is likely to be tough. The place to start with is with professional help for her. This is a long term behavior with her.


Thanks, she's been crying swearing that it will never happen again...with her lying and her promiscuous past im not so sure I can believe her. We are both young so I dont know if it wont happen again sometime down the road.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Don't make the mistake of having children.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Look up that country song "I let her lie". Do the same-she is only 24, and she still doesn't want to settle down.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

KevinH said:


> Thanks for the replies...am I stupid for thinking she will change?


Stupid is a harsh word. Niave perhaps.

Your W is a fistfull of all fuc*ked up it sounds like.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You might take one shot and see if she can fix herself---with a program that deals with lying, that would be akin, to a drug diversion, or alcholics anonymous, or sex addiction clinic

If you can get her into a program like that---maybe you might stick till she is finished, and then try a rehab

Till then be hard, do a 180---no lovey--dovey---make her really want to get back into the mge.---SHE HAS TO DO ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING--not you


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

POMS is right, RUN! I think she is way to broke. Ship her back to her parents. You're a cop. Do you want to be on 24/7 stake out with her? You're young, no kids, cut your losses.


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

KevinH said:


> Thanks, she's been crying swearing that it will never happen again...with her lying and her promiscuous past im not so sure I can believe her. We are both young so I dont know if it wont happen again sometime down the road.


I say no, she needs 100,s of hours of consoling just to start. Soon she will get pregnant, or STD'ed then you will have problems of biblical proportions . I have seen people like this, they do not change. Why, well they like to f*** like rabbits and not know, who, what, were, or why about it. You can tell them you love them to death. Still if you are not guy #32 in one day saying I love you, they will not believe it. Yes, it is that bad. She has little to no self respect at this time of her life. Run, run away as fast as you can. You can like her as a friend, but know deep down she is not faithful to know one. If you just live like that it will help you. She is a nice person, she just can not control her self, when it comes to men and sex. Yes, the odds will not be with her. She will eventually get a STD or pregnant. I also think she will get pregnant because, a child will love her always, and she wants that bad, even if you are not the father. Be very careful with condoms, make sure she does not tamper with them at all. Also, do not believe she is on birth control, she will trap you and you know it.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

You're not stupid for thinking you can "change" her ways, but the writng is obviously on the wall. I know you love her deeply, but like you said your both still young and in the prime of your lives. You can still find peace of mind and happiness elsewhere. This is rich- "she felt that I hated her and didn't think she was pretty anymore even though I always buy her flowers and tell her how beautiful she is." So I guess this justifies her behavior: what a joke. Be strong partner.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I know it's hard, but you're looking at a stacked deck. She's got a whole pile of troubles of her own that it doesn't sound at all like she's interested in working on. You're young and you've probably got no seniority for shifts at work. You're going to be working nights for quite a while yet....not to mention off-duty work to supplement. Divorce rates for cops are high enough even without a pathological liar and cheater in the mix. It might be different if you were further along your career. It might be different if this were some kind of wake up call for her. It might be different for a lot of things....but it's not. It is what it is and you're probably best off cutting your losses, unfortunately.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You know what the Baptists say? You want to change the behavior you have to change the man.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

The faster you get away from her the better...... heartache and misery will only get worse if you stay!
Don't look back, your future is much brighter without her.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You deserve better than this. Sometimes, the only way to get someone to realize what they stand to lose-is to go ahead and let them lose it.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

A few well placed words of advice here, if I may.

Separate your money from hers, your accounts, credit cards and bills. Segregate as much as you can so you are prepared should things shatter.

Do NOT allow her to get pregnant. Sometimes that is a ploy used to try to salvage a marriage/security blanket and it never works.

Find a key logger and install it on all computers. Also request phone chat records if the cell phone she uses is in your name or a joint account.

Do these and you will find out the answers.


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

MrQuatto said:


> A few well placed words of advice here, if I may.
> 
> Separate your money from hers, your accounts, credit cards and bills. Segregate as much as you can so you are prepared should things shatter.
> 
> ...


Agreed, better yet, just don't have sex with her, and Divorce her, NOW!


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Do her parents believe that she was raped?


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

KevinH said:


> Thanks, she's been crying swearing that it will never happen again...with her lying and her promiscuous past im not so sure I can believe her. We are both young so I dont know if it wont happen again sometime down the road.


So she cried ans swore it wouldn't happen again..... and it happened again. Time to empty the nest Kevin, or just decide to fold and take it at this point. She is the type that will take advantage if the opportunity is there. If you arent going to make her feel ALL the consequences of her actions, it will never get better until she decides to leave on her own.

Q~


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## californian (Jan 28, 2010)

Kevin: at the bottom of your confusion is just one thing -- your love for her. But be very careful. Now that you know her better, is she really the person you fell in love with? You're in love with an image. That person doesn't exist. If you were still to insist you love her as she is... do you think she *really* loves you? She seems very self-absorbed and doesn't give a damn about your feelings. She's got no connection to you. It takes two to tango.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Geez, she couldn't stay faithful for even a month after DDay?


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

There's a recent thread in here somewhere by a reformed (female) cheater who has advice for men who roll over when their wives beg for forgiveness. She says that they'll do it again because they can. Your wife knows how to meet men. She enjoys it. It's a drug. You need to get out. Sorry abou that.

But you seem to know that already. I just don' know why I get the feeling you're not going to pull the trigger on the divorce. You're already getting cold feet 4 days after that unfortunate update, aren't you?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Sometimes, the only way to get someone to realize what they stand to lose-is to go ahead and let them lose it.


Ding ding ding


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Hey everyone thanks for the replies. My wife and I sat down at the table last night and I told her I wanted a divorce. She's been crying since but she cried the first time I caught her and not even a month she sleeps with the guy. So yea, I'm cutting her lose. luckily there is no children involved, no property involved. The only thing I'm losing is what I thought was the other half of me (guess I was wrong). It took alot of courage to tell her because of the crying and everything. I hate seeing her cry, I've always thought of myself as her protector and guardian but shes stabbed me in the heart too deep.


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Kevin, there is nothing that says you cant work it out in the long run but... she must know the consequences of her actions. See this through until it is either a finalized divorce or she shows without ANY doubt what so ever that she has turned the corner and will devote herself wholly to you and the marriage.

At this point, make her leave and do not support her in any way financially. let her feel life on her own, 100%. If that isnt a true wake up call, then your better letting her go.

Q~


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

KevinH said:


> It took alot of courage to tell her because of the crying and everything. I hate seeing her cry


That's why she does it, I had one like her once and crying worked on me too. Stay strong, and good luck!


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Wrench said:


> That's why she does it, I had one like her once and crying worked on me too. Stay strong, and good luck!


Wrench is right, cheaters will manipulate the hell out of you, use every dirty trick, every advantage they have and weakness you have to their advantage. They lie, distort the truth, rewrite history and sabotage friendships and family to get and or maintain what they want. Until you are ready to stand your ground and make the hard, painful choices, things will never change.

Q~


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Hate to see it happen, but good for you!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

KevinH said:


> Hey everyone thanks for the replies. My wife and I sat down at the table last night and I told her I wanted a divorce. She's been crying since but she cried the first time I caught her and not even a month she sleeps with the guy. So yea, I'm cutting her lose. luckily there is no children involved, no property involved. The only thing I'm losing is what I thought was the other half of me (guess I was wrong). It took alot of courage to tell her because of the crying and everything. I hate seeing her cry, I've always thought of myself as her protector and guardian but shes stabbed me in the heart too deep.


Your the man. give her the boot!

you sound like you won't have any problems finding a new faithfull woman.just be glad you found out before you guys had children!

look foreward to the new exciting chapter of your life and be glad she is gone.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

KevinH said:


> Hey everyone thanks for the replies. My wife and I sat down at the table last night and I told her I wanted a divorce. She's been crying since but she cried the first time I caught her and not even a month she sleeps with the guy. So yea, I'm cutting her lose. luckily there is no children involved, no property involved. The only thing I'm losing is what I thought was the other half of me (guess I was wrong).


I don't doubt that your STBXW has her good qualities but unfortunately you - like all of us at one time - have ignored the huge red flags that you would have otherwise seen if you had not fallen in love with her.

You need to guard your heart in the future by being vigilant to big red flags - lying, breaking promises, etc. - and be willing to jettison a relationship immediately if they begin to show up.

It is better to be alone than in a bad relationship.



> It took a lot of courage to tell her because of the crying and everything. I hate seeing her cry, I've always thought of myself as her protector and guardian but shes stabbed me in the heart too deep.


KISA (knight in shinning armor) syndrome. This is an issue you are going to have to address and resolve before you proceed to the next committed relationship in the future. If you don't the odds of falling for another woman like your STBXW are very high.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Sounds like to me she had some potential RED FLAGS before you guys even got together. But what can i say... you did your part, you gave her a second chance... and she blew it.

Sometimes people may realize it might take years, sometimes decades before God put somebody in your life again that's a right fit for you. You are going to move on, find a good woman and raise a family. With her twisted values, she's going to be a cum dumpter till she looks up one day at 40, and wonders why she is still single, and no man hangs around longer than a few weeks.


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

morituri said:


> I don't doubt that your STBXW has her good qualities but unfortunately you - like all of us at one time - have ignored the huge red flags that you would have otherwise seen if you had not fallen in love with her.
> 
> You need to guard your heart in the future by being vigilant to big red flags - lying, breaking promises, etc. - and be willing to jettison a relationship immediately if they begin to show up.
> 
> ...


Could explain why I always attract the "crazies". You all are very helpful in your responses. Like I said we are still living in the same home due to finances and should separate on the 1st. I think it's finally starting to sink in to her that I am in no way taking her ass back because she's starting to make arrangements on her own now. I'll keep everyone updated until she is gone and will probably be posting her well after she is.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"I've always thought of myself as her protector and guardian but shes stabbed me in the heart too deep."- This is exactly the way I felt. 

Your predicament is just like mine- No kids. I too am throwing in the towel... don't need the aggravation of keeping tabs on her for the rest of the relationship. Good for you, son.


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## KevinH (Apr 12, 2011)

Well figured I'd go ahead and give an update. SHE MOVED OUT!! I was a wreck for the first 2 weeks but now everything is moving along and I'm actually starting to be happy. I get kinda upset when she calls me because its usually about something she wants from the house. We had both agreed that when she left she could have anything she wanted besides the TV and my computer. She called today and asked for the TV and when I mentioned the agreement we had she started arguing with me over it. I told her I'd take her to court and she said she couldn't afford a lawyer. I reminded her that she's the one that cheated not me and I don't feel obligated to let her have something because she THINKS she deserves it because she doesn't. She moved out and found a place but was kicked out after less then a week and moved back in with her parents. Last night her parents drove past my house (they live about 40 minutes away, so I don't know what that's about). Now we are getting the bills sorted out and tomorrow I'm going to the courts to start the separation paperwork. She gave me static over giving me the keys at first but eventually did. Anyhow hope everyone is doing well just thought I'd give this update.


-Kevin


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If her parents are cruising the place, they could be trying to see if they can get in there with the set of keys i am sure she had made prior to returning "the keys" to you.

Have the locks changed out.

Video record all of your possessions and write down the inventory.

Make sure you have home owner's or renter's insurance that covers theft.

Maybe place a camera somewhere inside your place that records when it detects motion.

Other than that?

Be glad you cut her loose!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Man I gota know why she got kicked out of her 1st place with in a week or so?

Was it a room for rent kind of thing?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

the guy said:


> Man I gota know why she got kicked out of her 1st place with in a week or so?
> 
> Was it a room for rent kind of thing?


Probably tried to sleep with the landlady's H!!!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Stay strong, you made the best decision you could have made.


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