# Don't ever know what mood she'll be in...



## earlspotswood (Oct 14, 2011)

So my wife and I have been married about 7 years now. It's been great for the most part. ALOT more good than bad. We have 2 small children, 2 & 6 months.

For about the last year, i have not known what mood she'll be in when I come home.

Her most recent reason for being mad at me is helping my dad and sister after a car accident they had. My dad's legs are broken and my sister has a few cracked ribs and a cracked sternum. Over the last 3 days, I've had to spend about 4 hours a day with them, just helping them with daily stuff. I'm in school from 7am-1pm, at home till about 3, then over at my families' house till 5-7 or so. Then i come back home, she complains about how much work the kids are, and I have to take over from there. The kids are usually crying, hungry and need the night routines done. Tonight she told me she's sick of her and the kids being the last on my "to-do" list, and to get a hotel for the weekend. I'm sick of arguing with her, so I said ok and started packing my stuff. She saw this and had a change of attitude, said our kids need me home. 

I have about a year of stories, and I am losing the will to keep pushing forward with her. I've told her this, and she'll calm down for a week and start again. What can I do to break through to her?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

You have two young children, one only 6 months old. Yes, she needs your help, needs you there and she is telling you that. 

So how about the time you spend with your family isn't from 5-7 (which is only two hours, not 4 hours) which is dinner time and getting the kids ready for bed? That's cranky time of the day. 
Go over when you get home from work and get home and have dinner with YOUR family.

The rest of the year? You'll have to ask her. But I'm going to guess it's being pregnant, new baby, and a toddler to look after. Not everyone is superwoman and can handle that. 

Plus, she probably looks forward to the adult time. how come she doesn't come with you to your family?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Earl,

Sorry about your dad and sister. I've got adult kids. I would rather starve to death, dying slowly in my own feces than to know my son neglected his own family to tend to me. I'm all sorts of in awe over your devotion to your sister and dad, but you've got a wife and kids and that has to be your #1 priority. 
If they actually need that much assistance, maybe you can hire someone to help out or maybe you'll have to slip in to lend a quick hand and then hustle back to your family. Broken bones and cracked ribs heal. A divorce will wound your kids in ways they will never fully recover from.


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Disagree, it is selfish on her part though I do not know the whole story. Family is family IMO. You are not long term away, it is a short term issue where your family (who is now her family) needs some help. She would hope someone would do that for her if she was in need. My wife alienated me from my family and I regret it. I would guess there is some underlying issue


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Your dad's legs are broken and your sister is injured and your wife is complaining that you're not helping out at home?

That is flat out wrong!

It's a short-term crisis that you're helping with.

It's the right thing to do.

If she can't handle the children she should swap babysitting time with other mothers or hire a sitter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, I think that you should carefully listen to that plea from your wife's heart. Do you think that she could have post-partum depression?

Postpartum depression: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com


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## wemogirl (May 31, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, I think that you should carefully listen to that plea from your wife's heart. Do you think that she could have post-partum depression?
> 
> Postpartum depression: Symptoms - MayoClinic.com


I was going to suggest the same thing.

OP, is there anyone else who can help with your dad and sister? I agree with the posted who recommended switching when you go to help them. Late afternoon/evening time is the worst with young toddlers and babies. 

I'm not saying that you should totally abandon your dad and sister but IMO, your wife and kids should come first here. Maybe tell your wife you want to keep helping out your dad and sis but ask her what would be the best time to do so.


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