# I daydream of leaving.



## Settelingfortolerance (Nov 28, 2011)

I don't want to leave my husband for anyone at all. That is so true, if he were to leave or die right now I would LOVE to be alone. My problem is that I find it harder and harder every day to just tolerate him. He is mean all the time. He has diabetes that is completly uncontrolled so I know that has a lot to do with it but when I try to get him to take his meds, test his sugar, or eat differently, he just does whatever he wants anyways. He never does anything around the house. This was fine with me when he was working 50+ hours a week but then he got laid off. After that I worked full time and he still did nothing, Even when i was pregnant and worked past my due date to the day before our son was born, he did nothing. He lays around and orders stuff like I'm a personal servant. Since he wasn't working I registed him for some college courses. He yelled at me about how it was all my idea and he didn't want to do it all the time but he was doing nothing else. So, we moved and now he is working and I am staying at home (but still working part time around his schedule) and he talks all the time about how he wants to go back to school and he is sick of working. It drives me crazy! All he had to do was go to school but he flunked out and now he has the drive to actually complete his courses?! When I was in college, I worked two jobs but because for one of the three semesters he was attending, he had to take care of our newborn while I was at work he acted like it was too much. Mind you, I woke up before work and fed him and put him back to bed, came home on my lunch break and fed him and took him right back when I got off work. I also still did all the cooking, cleaning, and shopping. I think I am getting off topic. Im not even sure I have a topic. Maybe I just need to vent somewhere. I don't want my family to know about this as I don't like people who know me personally to know that I have problems. Anyways, I just want to know what I can do to make things better. I have resigned myself to just aim for tolerance. I don't want my kids to grow up without him. He is great to them, untill he has a mood swing. I just hate that he never helps me with anything, treats me as inferior, and is just mean a lot. He even talks trash about me in front of the kids when I never say a work against him to them. I find a lot of the times that I just say nothing to avoid the fight. That happens all the time. I do and say nothing because it is not worth fighting in front of the kids and we are never not in front of the kids. He used to be so great but he has become lazy, selfish, rude and inconsiderate. I force myself to be nice to him but I never get anything in return. He is nicer to people he hates than he is to me. I dream of leaving and living by myself after our youngest turns 18 but that isnt for another 16.5 years.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Settelingfortolerance said:


> I don't want to leave my husband for anyone at all. That is so true, if he were to leave or die right now I would LOVE to be alone.


You dont have to leave for another man to leave your husband.


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## teahead (Nov 28, 2011)

GTFO now!

Gawd, life is too short to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you.

I'll never understand why people will live years in misery. Why did you marry him to begin with and have kids with this sorry sack?


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## ACQMAN (Nov 29, 2011)

I agree with both reply's. Why prolong or continue to suffer? If you've brought this up to him, to no avail, then you should start planning your exit. On the other hand, if you've kept your feelings silent, it's time to talk to him about it. His response will determine where you go from there (either work it out, or move on).


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## IDoNotSettle (Jun 28, 2012)

I, completly by mistake, discovered this post today, written by my wife, and feel the need to responed. First, however, I would like to say how ridiculous this is, posting private matters on your marriage to complete strangers, who hear one side and advise people to leave their spouse. That being said, I will reply to my wife, of 8 years, and tell her what she can do about her "suffering", as you, the relationship professionals of this website have put it. As to my medical condition, I do try to control it, I take medicine, however I only eat what my poor, unappreciated wife chooses, as she told you, she does do the shopping and cooking, that is the truth. If she wants me to leave or actually DIE, to be alone, then all she had to do was let me know, I have often felt she was unhappy and ask her myself if I should leave, only to hear from her that she loves me and can not be without me, which I now know to be a complete lie. As to my being lazy, inconsidertate, rude, selfish, and mean, I really do not know how to responed. Yes, I was layed-off, due to down-sizing caused by the current economical conditions, though I worked for many years for my family, for my wife, while she did not work. Two jobs while you want to college? For a semester, when we first started dating was when you worked, then I wouldn't allow it so you could focus on school while I supported you. Then you did not continue school and did not work and I never, not once said a word, I was happy that you could stay home and take care of our child. It was your idea that I returned to school and I should have done better, though I was taking care of our newborn son, who was breastfeed, so of course you fed him whenever you could, and it was difficult for me to do anything while taking care of an infant, but that is just another problem with me I guess. I did get sick of working again and wanted to go back to school, because all I ever hear about is how I don't get enough hours, I don't make enough money, we need more money. Should I be the one who feels unappreciated, I try, but its not good enough. What can I do? Force the company to give me a raise, or alllow me to work 60 to 70 hours a week like I used to, not 50+ that you said. I also do help around the house and have, as the years gone by, not done as much, and you know why. How many times have I cleaned the entire house just to have it wrecked again in less then 1 day, you are the messiest person I know and told you if you didn't stop being like that then I wasn't going to be cleaning up after you anymore. As to me being mean and arguing, that pretty much all stems from your dishonesty, lying to me at the beginning of our relationship up until today. You lie to me about things you say are not important or if you think will make me mad, and completly miss the reasons for honesty and trust in a marriage. As an example, the creepy, old pervert, kept flirting with you and trying to get your phone number and address, which you didn't give, but lied about it so I wouldn't be jealous. Which I found out about months later, and indirectly, which now seems suspicious to me, and not only that, but the fact that I shouldn't know about a weirdo stalker trying to find our home, which is right down the road from where he is, and that anytime might see your car and know where you are, where my kids are, while I am gone at work. Lies in general do make me angry, and suspicious, and mean at times, and I have explained that to you, but with no results. Each time I try and trust some other form of dishonesty comes up, and now this post. You have me response, which you already know everything here, because I am open and speak to you, but you would rather run me down on a post than tell me how you feel. So what should I do "Settelingfortolerance", because I do not settle. If you are unhappy with me or do not appreciate me unless I am bringing in the money you were accustomed to before I got lay-offed, then I will leave. I don't care about money at all, and never have and if it is what you want me for then it isn't going to work. This response, to your post that was written 7 months ago, and you still have not told me of your desire to be alone. Why? You need to post and make me seen like a complete jerk to strangers, their responses to how sorry they are for you and how horrible I am make you feel better and justify you leaving me. You don't need that, I will go if that will make you happy, you do not need to worry about the childern, they can still have their father, even if you do not want him. 

What should be done? I would appreciate any advise or input, my wife sought if from the readers of this forum, so maybe it will be helpful to me. What do you do when one person is willing to settle and the other is not?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

it's interesting how the lack of paragraphs and way of typing are exactly the same between the "husband" and the "wife".

anyone else notice that or am i just imagining things?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Settle, why don't you settle your own issues at home and stop bickering here on the internet? It's unseemly.

Scarlet -- yes. I did notice that.


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## IDoNotSettle (Jun 28, 2012)

Sorry for my lack of paragraphs, which is the type of responses I expect on stupid forums like this by the way. Which one of my points was how ridiculos that this post was even here to begin with. I do not mean settle a dispute, I was talking about settling for a relationship where both are not happy. However, thank you for your totally useless responses. You just proved my point.


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

Troll!!!!


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

And a zombie troll at that


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

IDoNotSettle said:


> Sorry for my lack of paragraphs, which is the type of responses I expect on stupid forums like this by the way. Which one of my points was how ridiculos that this post was even here to begin with. I do not mean settle a dispute, I was talking about settling for a relationship where both are not happy. However, thank you for your totally useless responses. You just proved my point.


lol... Well, let's see. What I read was she (or he) isn't blah, blah, blah, instead of telling us what you want or how you are going to get it. You can't "make" someone do squat. As you can tell from your own life, it won't work. So, what are you going to do with YOUR life to change this situation? Just continue to whine about it?

A vent or rage does nothing.... That's what her post was and what your post was.


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## teahead (Nov 28, 2011)

If your wife can't stand you, then why would you want to stick around?

Why be with someone who doesn't appreciate you the way you feel you need to be appreciated?

GTFO now! As I said to your wife.


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## Settelingfortolerance (Nov 28, 2011)

I need to explain myself. I was depressed when I wrote this. I had moved across the country and was in a place I didn't like and was missing my family. This was the only activity I had on this site besides this post. I am deeply in love with my husband and sincerely regret starting this post. I was, simply put, being a selfish ***** and wasn't considering him at all. I didn't say anything good about him just completly blew out of proportion any little thing that was bothering me. I am so sorry I did this and I wish I could take it back. I just hope you don't leave me for this, I am so sorry. I love you.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

WOW.that was a fast turn around. 
Troll


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Hmmm, the titles are nearly the same and so is the writing style.

I also agree with this being a troll. :/


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

Idk, seems weird someone would wait like a year to troll.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

jameskimp said:


> Idk, seems weird someone would wait like a year to troll.


As weird as someone just "happening" to run across something their wife had posted on a forum over a year ago?


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