# I don't think to favorably about my husband.



## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

Ok here's the deal. Last night I was talking with my husband over the phone (he's out of town on business) and I asked him what character on the "Young And The Restless" (Y&R) would he compare himself to. (In case you did not know, Y&R is a soap opera.) There are 3 ruthless characters that are on the show: Jack, Brad, and Victor. These characters are wealthy and they earned their wealth by being ruthless. Victor is a billionaire and the most ruthless of them all.

My husband said he would compare himself to either one of these characters because the other men on the show are far less like him. He then asked me who I would compare him to and I said Jack. I told him that Jack is the type of guy that will do what he wanted to do to get ahead, then try to "smooth" it over with his wife. Jack will tell his wife, I know I did wrong and would be very remorseful of what he did. HOWEVER, when he is doing "his dirt", he would never feel remorse or even think about how this might affect his wife.

My husband said that did not feel good to hear. I told him that I love him very much, BUT, I think his business (he just started it in January) comes first and everything else takes a back seat. I love the fact that he doing something that he loves, and supports him 100%. However, if it came down to sacrificing between us (our 2 kids and me) and the business, the business would come first. He disagreed. He said if he could afford it, he would definitely put our needs before the business.

My husband said it is not a good feeling to know that his wife thinks negatively about him.

Do you think that my opinion of my husband will eventually take a toll on our marriage? 

Tell me what you think. I am curious to know.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

coming from the uk, i know nothin about the programme. my honest opinion here, but yes i understand your talking to him . but why delv into something, that doesnt need to be delved into. 
just come out and say how you feel, rather than the saga of the soap opera.
my hubby is self employed. its hard at times, and no doubt i have the same thoughts as you. but try and accept things for what they are- actually earning a living.
you think the business comes first . it does to a certain degree. its called making the best for your family. 
i dont think the business comes first over you or your children.
i think you need to sit and talk and do a little courting again. yes your feeling neglected and your at home and arranging the children. 
but b honest here - would you rather your hubby do it and him make a mistake and you have a row for his mistake. 
or would you rather do the organizing yourself and know that your role is better at dealing with the children and therefore have no row. 
a few years ago i just accepted my role as a wife and mother and i work. we were packing for a holiday and i always do the childrens items. i had a row over this issue. 
but really who was better at it. it was me. i never argued over packing again.
try and accept that lots of things, as a wife and mother. your better. ok not all women. accept your husband for what he says and what hes doing. 
i dont think your opinion could take a toll, but only if your willing to balance your life together. i.e time together and family time.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

It's a very insecure way of communicating your feelings and it's not specific. Basically your calling him a lousy human being. Doesnt leave him a lot of room to work with does it?

I think you need to do some contemplating and come up with specifics for him. He needs to know you accept him (very important for a guy) as he is but certain behavours may be unacceptable for you.

And you need to do a whole lot of work on yourself.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think that your view of your husband is already taking it's toll on the relationship. I think you need to step back and reevaluate it from time to time as often we get an idea in our head and think it will aways be this way.

draconis


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

loveandmarriage said:


> My husband said that did not feel good to hear. I told him that I love him very much, BUT, I think his business (he just started it in January) comes first and everything else takes a back seat. I love the fact that he doing something that he loves, and supports him 100%. However, if it came down to sacrificing between us (our 2 kids and me) and the business, the business would come first. He disagreed. He said if he could afford it, he would definitely put our needs before the business.
> 
> My husband said it is not a good feeling to know that his wife thinks negatively about him.
> 
> Do you think that my opinion of my husband will eventually take a toll on our marriage?


Negative feelings can easily lead to harboring resentment towards him and yes, that will definitely take its toll on your marriage.

He sounds like a good provider. In my opinion, that's a good trait for a husband/father to have (I wish my ex and father had!) and I would guess he's doing it with you and your children in mind. To criticize him for it will only make him feel he can't win for trying and may lead to resentment as well.

You say you are behind him 100%, but it seems you have placed some conditions on that. If it is that he spends too much time working and not enough with family, I would think up some reasonable compromise and approach him...maybe introduce some balance that would not disrupt his business...Accusing him of putting work before family is a pretty hard criticism to swallow...saying you miss him and want him to spend more time with you/kids...suggest a family game night/date night might be an approach that will give you results without hurting him.


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

WOWWW!!! Thanks guys! I really need to work on some things. I think I will start my daily mantra as this:

"I love my husband because he is a good provider. Life is short so today I will really show him that I truly support him." 

Thanks again for all the input.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

That's a great way to start the day! Supporting him and wanting him to be happy will come back to you 10-fold...good luck!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

First thing I would do is Drop you both watching the Young and the restless....talk about GARBAGE!! 

those people are actors and none of those shows are like REAL LIFE.

Horrible to comapare yourself to any chatracter in a TV show....in a personality spectrum.

You and your hubby really need to sit down over a drink and Iron things out, get it all out int eh open, and then WORK ON IT!


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> You and your hubby really need to sit down over a drink and Iron things out, get it all out int eh open, and then WORK ON IT!


That's a good suggestion. Only one problem. My husband is an "avoider". He does not like talking about things that are uncomfortable (i.e. money, his feelings, etc.). So what's a gal to do? I tried suggesting this before and he got angry. So now I am trying to work on me (i.e. me regaining trust in my husband) because that is the only one I can control.


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