# Why do I feel like I hate my wife ?



## LetgoletGod

There’s so much to this love story but I’ll try to sum it up. Married My high school sweetheart we got 4 kids. Been married 10 years. I was faithful first five years. Last five I’ve been a animal. We’ve done so much counseling I should be a therapist.

But I Recently caught cheating again so we back at square one with the whole let her heal before we work on the marriage thing. And Meanwhile I just got home from rehab and feel the best I’ve felt since In 5 years.

I honestly just feel I’ve hurt her so much that it’s just time for me to man up and let her go! This women has held me down for so long but I continue to cheat. Ive been wanting to leave her but i hated the thought of another man touching her so I held on but indulged In a double life. I no longer want to live that way and after rehab I thought I wanted her and I vowed to do right and stuff but The closer I Get to God and the more days go by that we’re separated and I have my own apartment and deal with kids half the time the more I’m realizing I don’t like her and honestly I feel like I hate her. Shrugs it’s weird.


Supposedly I’ve been the only man she has ever had sex with!! She is Just a really awesome women smart sexy business owner etc another man would die to have a women like her. But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?

Guess I’m rambling but my real concern is should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once? I just wanna move on with my life.


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## Personal

LetgoletGod said:


> I just wanna move on with my life.


Then do that, so she can do the same.


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## LetgoletGod

Personal said:


> Then do that, so she can do the same.


Truth


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## EveningThoughts

In your first line you call it "a love story" but I'm not hearing much about the love.

Like a typical cheater, you wanted others, but could not bear the thought of your wife having others. 
She likewise couldn't bear the thought of you with another woman, but she has had to deal with that. Now you will too.

Often cheaters convince themselves that they hate their spouse. This allows them to feel less guilt for their dishonourable behaviour. 
It could also be that you feel she is in someway to blame for allowing you to behave this way, or for holding you back from the freedom you crave. A kind of resentment that you have been put in this position.

No point letting her heal then hurting her again. 
Has she given any indication that she even wants to continue this half open marriage?

Do you believe you could be faithful to any woman?


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## Diana7

Please let her go so she can find a decent, faithful man of integrity who loves and cares about her.


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## TJW

LetgoletGod said:


> I was faithful first five years. Last five I’ve been a animal.


What happened 5 years ago ?



LetgoletGod said:


> The closer I Get to God



You're going to the right place. Keep on going there...... God brings the truth to us.....


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## Dadto2

Your wife is apparently a saint to be willing to put up with you and still remain faithful and by your side. Sorry brother, you need to let her go, not the other way around. She deserves a good man and you’re not it.


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## Lostinthought61

I suspect that you are afraid to see your wife be with another man, because you yourself have been with other married women, never once thinking about how the their husband must feel knowing their wives are in the arms of another man until now...so you can see the hypocrisy here right.....the point here is that you can't continue to cheat because eventually she will just kick you out of the house with good reason, but clearly she is not enough woman to keep you from cheating ...you are at a cross road brother and its time to face the music.


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## GC1234

LetgoletGod said:


> There’s so much to this love story but I’ll try to sum it up. Married My high school sweetheart we got 4 kids. Been married 10 years. I was faithful first five years. Last five I’ve been a animal. We’ve done so much counseling I should be a therapist.
> 
> But I Recently caught cheating again so we back at square one with the whole let her heal before we work on the marriage thing. And Meanwhile I just got home from rehab and feel the best I’ve felt since In 5 years.
> 
> I honestly just feel I’ve hurt her so much that it’s just time for me to man up and let her go! This women has held me down for so long but I continue to cheat. Ive been wanting to leave her but i hated the thought of another man touching her so I held on but indulged In a double life. I no longer want to live that way and after rehab I thought I wanted her and I vowed to do right and stuff but The closer I Get to God and the more days go by that we’re separated and I have my own apartment and deal with kids half the time the more I’m realizing I don’t like her and honestly I feel like I hate her. Shrugs it’s weird.
> 
> 
> Supposedly I’ve been the only man she has ever had sex with!! She is Just a really awesome women smart sexy business owner etc another man would die to have a women like her. But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?
> 
> Guess I’m rambling but my real concern is should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once? I just wanna move on with my life.


Hey, thanks for sharing your story. 

On a positive note, glad to hear that you're feeling well after rehab, kudos to you for that. 

So, my take on your situation is that, if you think your wife deserves better treatment (and I would have to agree here), then you should let her go, and that's probably the most selfless thing you can do. I imagine she will not be happy about it, but you're honest about the fact that you can't stay loyal, for whatever the reasons are. I feel really bad for her, that she put up with all this and took you back, but she deserves to live a better life. 

Is she aware of the fact that you've been cheating recently?


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## bobert

LetgoletGod said:


> I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?


Hmm... maybe because looking at her is a reminder of how ****ty a person you are? 

It's easier to toss her to the side than deal with your issues that you clearly haven't dealt with. You've had years and years of therapy but that doesn't mean much when you kept cheating. Either you didn't put in the work or the therapist(s) sucked, or both. 

And honestly, if you've had so much therapy you'd know why you "hate" her and suddenly want out. I can guarantee you it's not always about actually hating them and you have to take a good, long hard look at yourself instead. 



LetgoletGod said:


> should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once?


So, first off you should discuss this recent revelation with your therapist. 

If you won't do that then no, you should not wait. Right now she is trying to decide if she wants to reconcile or not. Don't make her go through all of that just for you to say you don't want her. Let her heal and move on from the serial cheating and divorce at the same time. But there is also no going back after you tell her. Stop hurting her.


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## Openminded

Tell her now that you’re done. The sooner the better.


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## Blondilocks

Lostinthought61 said:


> clearly she is not enough woman to keep you from cheating .


Oh, clearly. Also, clearly, she was not enough woman to prevent him requiring rehab for whatever the required reason.

Clearly, she's just a damn dirty dog who is beneath this fine specimen of a husband and father.

OP, you deserve so, so much better. Venture forth and find yourself a woman equal to your caliber.🤮🤮🤮


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## LetgoletGod

Personal said:


> Then do that, so she can do the same.


Truth


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## LetgoletGod

EveningThoughts said:


> In your first line you call it "a love story" but I'm not hearing much about the love.
> 
> Like a typical cheater, you wanted others, but could not bear the thought of your wife having others.
> She likewise couldn't bear the thought of you with another woman, but she has had to deal with that. Now you will too.
> 
> Often cheaters convince themselves that they hate their spouse. This allows them to feel less guilt for their dishonourable behaviour.
> It could also be that you feel she is in someway to blame for allowing you to behave this way, or for holding you back from the freedom you crave. A kind of resentment that you have been put in this position.
> 
> No point letting her heal then hurting her again.
> Has she given any indication that she even wants to continue this half open marriage?
> 
> Do you believe you could be faithful to any woman?


Wow that actually makes since. I could be very resentful of her because I feel I’m holding back freedom that I crave! Thanks for that perspective. I’m just trying find answers cause she wants to reconcile but for some reason I feel better thinking of being divorced than I do being married.


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## LetgoletGod

EveningThoughts said:


> In your first line you call it "a love story" but I'm not hearing much about the love.
> 
> Like a typical cheater, you wanted others, but could not bear the thought of your wife having others.
> She likewise couldn't bear the thought of you with another woman, but she has had to deal with that. Now you will too.
> 
> Often cheaters convince themselves that they hate their spouse. This allows them to feel less guilt for their dishonourable behaviour.
> It could also be that you feel she is in someway to blame for allowing you to behave this way, or for holding you back from the freedom you crave. A kind of resentment that you have been put in this position.
> 
> No point letting her heal then hurting her again.
> Has she given any indication that she even wants to continue this half open marriage?
> 
> Do you believe you could be faithful to any woman?


Sorry I didn’t answer your last question. I can be faithful to the right women, but I for sure would never be in a committed relationship ever again.


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## Rob_1

LetgoletGod said:


> But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?


That's because when you see yourself in the mirror of your mind, you don't have the guts to really look at you, because what you see is ugly; and as an act of hypocritical cowardly you reflect it back to your wife in your mind. It is that simple.


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## bobert

LetgoletGod said:


> I can be faithful to the right women


How do you know that? You married your high school sweetheart so presumably, you've never been faithful in a relationship. 

Plus, you used the plural "women". Some could say that's a typo... I think not.


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## LetgoletGod

TJW said:


> What happened 5 years ago ?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You're going to the right place. Keep on going there...... God brings the truth to us.....


I was a devoted Christian the first 5 years. Then I pretty much stop believeing and that’s when I went on a prodigal journey of sin and unbelief for 5 years.


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## Rob_1

yeah.yeah, blame it on losing faith, losing your toys, or whatever, you just don't want to put the blame on where it actually resides: YOU!.


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## Yeswecan

LetgoletGod said:


> I was a devoted Christian the first 5 years. Then I pretty much stop believeing and that’s when I went on a prodigal journey of sin and unbelief for 5 years.


Nothing like a self destructive road. Congratulations. Anyway, let your W go so she can find some normalcy in her life. Second, make sure the child support checks are on time. Best of luck.


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## LetgoletGod

Dadto2 said:


> Your wife is apparently a saint to be willing to put up with you and still remain faithful and by your side. Sorry brother, you need to let her go, not the other way around. She deserves a good man and you’re not it.


Thanks for perspective.


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## Diana7

LetgoletGod said:


> I was a devoted Christian the first 5 years. Then I pretty much stop believeing and that’s when I went on a prodigal journey of sin and unbelief for 5 years.


I find it concening that you say the closer you get to God the more you hate your wife. God would never ever want you to hate her, he is for marriage 100% but He does allow your wife to divorce you for your adultery if she so chooses but you have no biblical reason to divorce her. Great that you have come back to God, but you do realise that God is clear on no sex outside marriage? So if as you say you will not be in a committed relationship again, that means no sex either if you want to life His way.


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## LetgoletGod

GC1234 said:


> Hey, thanks for sharing your story.
> 
> On a positive note, glad to hear that you're feeling well after rehab, kudos to you for that.
> 
> So, my take on your situation is that, if you think your wife deserves better treatment (and I would have to agree here), then you should let her go, and that's probably the most selfless thing you can do. I imagine she will not be happy about it, but you're honest about the fact that you can't stay loyal, for whatever the reasons are. I feel really bad for her, that she put up with all this and took you back, but she deserves to live a better life.
> 
> Is she aware of the fact that you've been cheating recently?


Thank you. Rehab was


GC1234 said:


> Hey, thanks for sharing your story.
> 
> On a positive note, glad to hear that you're feeling well after rehab, kudos to you for that.
> 
> So, my take on your situation is that, if you think your wife deserves better treatment (and I would have to agree here), then you should let her go, and that's probably the most selfless thing you can do. I imagine she will not be happy about it, but you're honest about the fact that you can't stay loyal, for whatever the reasons are. I feel really bad for her, that she put up with all this and took you back, but she deserves to live a better life.
> 
> Is she aware of the fact that you've been cheating recently?


 Thanks rehab was life changing. I will honor my marriage until divorce. I at least owe her that.


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## LetgoletGod

Lostinthought61 said:


> I suspect that you are afraid to see your wife be with another man, because you yourself have been with other married women, never once thinking about how the their husband must feel knowing their wives are in the arms of another man until now...so you can see the hypocrisy here right.....the point here is that you can't continue to cheat because eventually she will just kick you out of the house with good reason, but clearly she is not enough woman to keep you from cheating ...you are at a cross road brother and its time to face the music.


I for sure will honor my marriage until divorce.


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## LetgoletGod

Openminded said:


> Tell her now that you’re done. The sooner the better.


Thank you


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## LetgoletGod

bobert said:


> Hmm... maybe because looking at her is a reminder of how ****ty a person you are?
> 
> It's easier to toss her to the side than deal with your issues that you clearly haven't dealt with. You've had years and years of therapy but that doesn't mean much when you kept cheating. Either you didn't put in the work or the therapist(s) sucked, or both.
> 
> And honestly, if you've had so much therapy you'd know why you "hate" her and suddenly want out. I can guarantee you it's not always about actually hating them and you have to take a good, long hard look at yourself instead.
> 
> 
> So, first off you should discuss this recent revelation with your therapist.
> 
> If you won't do that then no, you should not wait. Right now she is trying to decide if she wants to reconcile or not. Don't make her go through all of that just for you to say you don't want her. Let her heal and move on from the serial cheating and divorce at the same time. But there is also no going back after you tell her. Stop hurting her.


Thank you.


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## LetgoletGod

Blondilocks said:


> Oh, clearly. Also, clearly, she was not enough woman to prevent him requiring rehab for whatever the required reason.
> 
> Clearly, she's just a damn dirty dog who is beneath this fine specimen of a husband and father.
> 
> OP, you deserve so, so much better. Venture forth and find yourself a woman equal to your caliber.🤮🤮🤮


Yea maybe she isn’t. Cause I’ve tried my butt off to settle for what I was getting and just have better self control. But it just ran it course.


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## LetgoletGod

Rob_1 said:


> That's because when you see yourself in the mirror of your mind, you don't have the guts to really look at you, because what you see is ugly; and as an act of hypocritical cowardly you reflect it back to your wife in your mind. It is that simple.


I disagree. I’ve made bad choices doesn’t mean that’s who I am!


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## LetgoletGod

bobert said:


> How do you know that? You married your high school sweetheart so presumably, you've never been faithful in a relationship.
> 
> Plus, you used the plural "women". Some could say that's a typo... I think not.


I was faithful the first 5 years of marriage. Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ. Sooo I don’t know I just feel confused.


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## bobert

LetgoletGod said:


> I was faithful the first 5 years of marriage. Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ. Sooo I don’t know I just feel confused.


I knew you were going to say that. Do you want an applause because you were faithful for a whole 5 years? 👏

Sorry, doesn't work that way.


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## LetgoletGod

Diana7 said:


> I find it concening that you say the closer you get to God the more you hate your wife. God would never ever want you to hate her, he is for marriage 100% but He does allow your wife to divorce you for your adultery if she so chooses but you have no biblical reason to divorce her. Great that you have come back to God, but you do realise that God is clear on no sex outside marriage? So if as you say you will not be in a committed relationship again, that means no sex either if you want to life His way.


I no that’s what’s so discouraging and why I feel confused. Like what is it? It’s gotta be years of things that have built up maybe I’m holding on to something in my heart that I haven’t dealt with! Yes you are right about that. As for now tho I’m still married and will be faithful!


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## LetgoletGod

bobert said:


> I knew you were going to say that. Do you want an applause because you were faithful for a whole 5 years? 👏
> 
> Sorry, doesn't work that way.


Lmao. Yea I want a standing ovation.


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## LetgoletGod

bobert said:


> Hmm... maybe because looking at her is a reminder of how ****ty a person you are?
> 
> It's easier to toss her to the side than deal with your issues that you clearly haven't dealt with. You've had years and years of therapy but that doesn't mean much when you kept cheating. Either you didn't put in the work or the therapist(s) sucked, or both.
> 
> And honestly, if you've had so much therapy you'd know why you "hate" her and suddenly want out. I can guarantee you it's not always about actually hating them and you have to take a good, long hard look at yourself instead.
> 
> 
> So, first off you should discuss this recent revelation with your therapist.
> 
> If you won't do that then no, you should not wait. Right now she is trying to decide if she wants to reconcile or not. Don't make her go through all of that just for you to say you don't want her. Let her heal and move on from the serial cheating and divorce at the same time. But there is also no going back after you tell her. Stop hurting her.


You make some good points.


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## LetgoletGod

Yeswecan said:


> Nothing like a self destructive road. Congratulations. Anyway, let your W go so she can find some normalcy in her life. Second, make sure the child support checks are on time. Best of luck.


True.


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## C.C. says ...

Your thread title is sad.

I don’t think you hate your wife as much as you resent her for what you feel is her keeping you away from some new exciting life.

Out of rehab. Feeling like you need a change. The thing is, is that after all these years and 4 kids... you could very well find out a little too late that she’s the only one who can stand you.

The grass always looks greener on the other side and all ...

You said any man would be lucky to have her. Guess what? You’re that man. Don’t sell her short. And if you find that you’re going to cheat again (which many women would have thrown you out and not taken you back in the first place) you should just divorce her first so she can at least keep some dignity and find someone that will treat her right.

This is totally one of those instances of not appreciating what you have.

If I had a husband that told strangers online that he hated me, it would just kill me.

You need to really think about what you’re saying and doing before you blow your whole life to shreds. You think all these women out there are going to be jumping at a chance with a guy that self admittedly hates his wife and has 4 kids to take care of? You better have a mighty fine sex game to even begin to try to pull that off.


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## LetgoletGod

I


C.C. says ... said:


> Your thread title is sad.
> 
> I don’t think you hate your wife as much as you resent her for what you feel is her keeping you away from some new exciting life.
> 
> Out of rehab. Feeling like you need a change. The thing is, is that after all these years and 4 kids... you could very well find out a little too late that she’s the only one who can stand you.
> 
> The grass always looks greener on the other side and all ...
> 
> You said any man would be lucky to have her. Guess what? You’re that man. Don’t sell her short. And if you find that you’re going to cheat again (which many women would have thrown you out and not taken you back in the first place) you should just divorce her first so she can at least keep some dignity and find someone that will treat her right.
> 
> This is totally one of those instances of not appreciating what you have.
> 
> If I had a husband that told strangers online that he hated me, it would just kill me.
> 
> You need to really think about what you’re saying and doing before you blow your whole life to shreds. You think all these women out there are going to be jumping at a chance with a guy that self admittedly hates his wife and has 4 kids to take care of? You better have a mighty fine sex game to even begin to try to pull that off.


i can only write so much In a thread ya no. Sure I highlighted my infidelity and I can see how readers can take it as a ungrateful cheater but that’s simply not the case. It’s sooooo much more to the story but I can’t here hoping someone could relate to this feeling I have and Give me insight why it seems so strong. Like I don’t want to hate her. And maybe hate is the wrong adjective but I’m just confused why I can’t adore her and cherish her. Ya no. Like could lack of respect and appreciation for years drive a man to this point.? Shrugs.


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## Rob_1

C.C. says ... said:


> You need to really think about what you’re saying and doing before you blow your whole life to shreds. You think all these women out there are going to be jumping at a chance with a guy that self admittedly hates his wife and has 4 kids to take care of? You better have a mighty fine sex game to even begin to try to pull that off.


and yet, he has not say one word on acknowledgment of what his behavior, past and future will do to his kids. They will be the ultimate recipient of his actions.

See this: this sound to me like he's complaining on having his kids half the time. doesn't this tells you something? 


LetgoletGod said:


> I have my own apartment and deal with kids half the time the more I’m realizing


He really wants the grass the to him will be greener.


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## C.C. says ...

LetgoletGod said:


> I
> 
> Like I don’t want to hate her. And maybe hate is the wrong adjective but I’m just confused why I can’t adore her and cherish her. Ya no. Like could lack of respect and appreciation for years drive a man to this point.? Shrugs.


Ohhh I’m getting a clearer picture. Ok what you’re saying is that she hasn’t treated you well? Maybe has henpecked you or something? It sounds like you just don’t love her anymore.  See in your post, you came off a little entitled and like she was holding you back from some great life and most people feel a little bad for the partner that was cheated on. (And the kids!) It’s so easy to be selfish when you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world and attracting all these potential suitors. I’m not judging you. I’ve just seen so many guys and women ruin their lives with the grass is greener thinking.

What do you plan to do? What is it that you want from your marriage? Do you still want the marriage?


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## C.C. says ...

P.S. if you’re already separated and have your own apartment, just go ahead with the divorce and be done with it. That way she can find a happy life with someone who loves her and you can too.


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## LetgoletGod

Rob_1 said:


> and yet, he has not say one word on acknowledgment of what his behavior, past and future will do to his kids. They will be the ultimate recipient of his actions.
> 
> See this: this sound to me like he's complaining on having his kids half the time. doesn't this tells you something?
> 
> 
> He really wants the grass the to him will be greener.


You for sure aren’t comprehending well. But thanks.


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## bobert

C.C. says ... said:


> Ok what you’re saying is that she hasn’t treated you well?


Or, what he's saying is that he's rewriting history so that he can make excuses for his ****ty behavior.


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## LetgoletGod

C.C. says ... said:


> Ohhh I’m getting a clearer picture. Ok what you’re saying is that she hasn’t treated you well? Maybe has henpecked you or something? It sounds like you just don’t love her anymore.  See in your post, you came off a little entitled and like she was holding you back from some great life and most people feel a little bad for the partner that was cheated on. (And the kids!) It’s so easy to be selfish when you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world and attracting all these potential suitors. I’m not judging you. I’ve just seen so many guys and women ruin their lives with the grass is greener thinking.
> 
> What do you plan to do? What is it that you want from your marriage? Do you still want the marriage?


Right. It takes two. I’m not here cause she’s been a angel and I want out. I’m here because we both have issues and I do everything I can to get right....rehab fasting accountability sex addict meetings everything.....while she just sits back pointing the finger like she doesn’t have anything to do with the way the marriage is instead I gotta fix it cause it’s ALL my fault. Which ok cool I take that and I do just that but after awhile it becomes exhausting ya no and no therapist every wants to tell her she needs to tighten up on somethings too. And when we find a therapist that does tell her some of this is her fault she don’t like them and doesn’t want to see them again. So yea it’s a lot of stuff ya no. And I’m just at a point to where I’m tired of fighting alone.

and the grass is greener where you water it. So I don’t believe in that whole cliche statement. I just want to make the right choice cause honesty if she can humble herself and work on the issues she brings to the marriage then I’d freaking love to be with her and be a testimony for marriages around the world ...but I don’t think she will ever feel the need to fix her issues.


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## LetgoletGod

C.C. says ... said:


> Ohhh I’m getting a clearer picture. Ok what you’re saying is that she hasn’t treated you well? Maybe has henpecked you or something? It sounds like you just don’t love her anymore.  See in your post, you came off a little entitled and like she was holding you back from some great life and most people feel a little bad for the partner that was cheated on. (And the kids!) It’s so easy to be selfish when you’re feeling like you’re on top of the world and attracting all these potential suitors. I’m not judging you. I’ve just seen so many guys and women ruin their lives with the grass is greener thinking.
> 
> What do you plan to do? What is it that you want from your marriage? Do you still want the marriage?


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## LetgoletGod

bobert said:


> Or, what he's saying is that he's rewriting history so that he can make excuses for his ****ty behavior.


Na I man up to all my sins. I know what I did was wrong and inexcusable. So try again


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## C.C. says ...

What is it again that they say kills a marriage? Contempt. It does sound like a lot of contempt from each of you towards the other. I think a lot of times when people are cheated on, it never really leaves their mind. It kind of just festers and grows.

You already have one foot out of the door so there’s nowhere to go but onward if you both can’t come together and work on it. The sad thing is that there’s 4 kids involved.

I’m sorry this is happening to you both. But I do think there‘a a lot of contempt. Seems like it would take hard core counseling and honesty to even begin to heal it?


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## LetgoletGod

Well said. Thanks


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## Rob_1

LetgoletGod said:


> You for sure aren’t comprehending well. But thanks.



Well, go back to your original post and title. What you're saying now is not what you said on the original post. We can only go by what you say. up to now you have not explained comprehensibly your situation for us to really give you a correct input.


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## Diana7

LetgoletGod said:


> Na I man up to all my sins. I know what I did was wrong and inexcusable. So try again


So are you blaming your adultery on having a sex addiction? Or are you taking responsibility for that sin you chose to committ? 

The thing is that you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage, that for her to decide.


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## LetgoletGod

Rob_1 said:


> Well, go back to your original post and title. What you're saying now is not what you said on the original post. We can only go by what you say. up to now you have not explained comprehensibly your situation for us to really give you a correct input.


I’ve gotten a lot of great feed back. Thanks. It’s only so much I can type in a thread. I highlighted my infidelity and I can see where lots of people are coming from but first time user so I’ll get the hang of it. It’s helped tho minus the people just here to be pest lol. It’s actually some nice perspectives that I will learn from. Thank you for even trying to understand.


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## LetgoletGod

Diana7 said:


> So are you blaming your adultery on having a sex addiction? Or are you taking responsibility for that sin you chose to committ?
> 
> The thing is that you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage, that for her to decide.


Wow. That’s good stuff. Great insight. Sheeeeeesh. I gotta humble myself when you look at it like that!


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## vincent3

LetgoletGod said:


> I’m just trying find answers cause she wants to reconcile but for some reason I feel better thinking of being divorced than I do being married.


I suggest seeing a marriage counselor.


LetgoletGod said:


> I can be faithful to the right women, but I for sure would never be in a committed relationship ever again.


So your wife isn't the right woman.

Why would you never be in a committed relationship again? Do you want freedom to indulge your sexual appetite? Or do you feel remorseful and unworthy of marriage?


LetgoletGod said:


> I disagree. I’ve made bad choices doesn’t mean that’s who I am!


It might not be the whole picture, but it's part of it. You see where that part has gotten your wife, kids, and you.


LetgoletGod said:


> Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ.


Again, you should have gone to marriage counselling.

Did you turn away from Christ so you could cheat on your wife?


LetgoletGod said:


> I’m just confused why I can’t adore her and cherish her. Ya no. Like could lack of respect and appreciation for years drive a man to this point.?


It could drive somebody to check out of the marriage, but it's no excuse for serial infidelity. You know that.

You're not going to adore her no matter what just because "wife." Marriages sometimes go bad, and both spouses usually share responsibility. But because of how deep a marriage runs, especially when you have kids, you need to make your best effort to repair the marriage. If it's beyond repair, it's time to end it responsibly and see the kids through it. Before running into another relationship, learn the lessons from your failed marriage.


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## jlg07

LetgoletGod said:


> I was faithful the first 5 years of marriage. Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ. Sooo I don’t know I just feel confused.


So why didn't you just divorce her instead of giving her and your kids all this pain of cheating on her?
I don't care that you gave up religion -- you don't have to be religious to have ethics and morals.
WHY she wants to reconcile after you've shown you cannot stay faithful to her --- SHE is the one that needs to be here on the forum. You pretty much have stated that you hate her --- why would you stay with her and not divorce right now? It will be painful for her, but much less painful than you cheating on her again...


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## Diana7

LetgoletGod said:


> Wow. That’s good stuff. Great insight. Sheeeeeesh. I gotta humble myself when you look at it like that!


You mentioned the sex addiction groups. Many do use it as an excuse to cheat. Many psyciatrists say there is no such thing.


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## jlg07

LetgoletGod said:


> Right. It takes two. I’m not here cause she’s been a angel and I want out. I’m here because we both have issues and I do everything I can to get right....rehab fasting accountability sex addict meetings everything.....while she just sits back pointing the finger like she doesn’t have anything to do with the way the marriage is instead I gotta fix it cause it’s ALL my fault. Which ok cool I take that and I do just that but after awhile it becomes exhausting ya no and no therapist every wants to tell her she needs to tighten up on somethings too. And when we find a therapist that does tell her some of this is her fault she don’t like them and doesn’t want to see them again. So yea it’s a lot of stuff ya no. And I’m just at a point to where I’m tired of fighting alone.
> 
> and the grass is greener where you water it. So I don’t believe in that whole cliche statement. I just want to make the right choice cause honesty if she can humble herself and work on the issues she brings to the marriage then I’d freaking love to be with her and be a testimony for marriages around the world ...but I don’t think she will ever feel the need to fix her issues.


So, even if SHE has issues -- that is NO excuse at ALL for cheating. You should have either gone to counseling, or divorced. It sounds like both of you may need individual counseling (before trying Marriage counseling). Look, if she isn't working on HER part and had no desire 5 years ago to work on it, you should have just divorced THEN, not cheated.

Have you sat and actually talked this all out with her? Have you mentioned the things that SHE does or needs to do for you? Have you listened to what she needs from YOU for this to continue? If you can't have that meeting of the minds, or either of you are not willing to work to improve things, do BOTH of you a favor and divorce.


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## Casual Observer

LetgoletGod said:


> Supposedly I’ve been the only man she has ever had sex with!! She is Just a really awesome women smart sexy business owner etc another man would die to have a women like her. But for some reason I Can’t stand to look at her face, or hear the sound of her voice. Why do I hate her?
> 
> Guess I’m rambling but my real concern is should I wait till she heals from the last stint of infidelity discovery to tell her I want a divorce or should I just do everything all at once? I just wanna move on with my life.


You don't hate her. You hate yourself.


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## heartsbeating

LetgoletGod said:


> Last five I’ve been a animal. We’ve done so much counseling I should be a therapist.


The questions you're asking here, I can't help but wonder what insight (if any) you gained through counseling?


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## aine

LetgoletGod said:


> I was faithful the first 5 years of marriage. Mind you there was no appreciation no respect no oral sex giving or getting etc but I remained true. It just finally ran its course ya no. But after the first 5 years I also stop being a devoted follower of Christ. Sooo I don’t know I just feel confused.


wow, you are so full of ****! Faithful for five years! Wow brownie points for you👏🏻. Were you a druggie and alcoholic then, why were you in rehab? You paint yourself as a victim but your wife is The victim. Let her go, she deserves better.


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## aine

Diana7 said:


> So are you blaming your adultery on having a sex addiction? Or are you taking responsibility for that sin you chose to committ?
> 
> The thing is that you have no Biblical reason to end the marriage, that for her to decide.


The wife has a biblical reason to end the marriage, he’s an adulterer.


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## Emerging Buddhist

Desire is not meant to be a slot machine... all you do is gamble away all self-respect in your search for the attachment du jour jackpot.

What are your odds of losing everything?

If she were the one behaving as you have, what advice would you be asking here?


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## Diana7

aine said:


> The wife has a biblical reason to end the marriage, he’s an adulterer.


Yes absolutely.


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## LetgoletGod

aine said:


> The wife has a biblical reason to end the marriage, he’s an adulterer.


I’m not an adulterer I’ve committed adultery!


Emerging Buddhist said:


> Desire is not meant to be a slot machine... all you do is gamble away all self-respect in your search for the attachment du jour jackpot.
> 
> What are your odds of losing everything?
> 
> If she were the one behaving as you have, what advice would you be asking here?


yea I left so much out of the story. But thanks. I should have wrote more things but I hear you. Thanks


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## aine

LetgoletGod said:


> I’m not an adulterer I’ve committed adultery!
> yea I left so much out of the story. But thanks. I should have wrote more things but I hear you. Thanks
> 
> /QUOTE]
> Errr, dictionary definition of an adulterer is "a person who commits adultery." Why are you splitting hairs and for a period of 5 years too, please, getting rid of denial is the first step to healing and salvation. Until you deal with YOUR problems, and stop denying the ****ty stuff you have done and that you need to sort yourself, then you can forget about everything else. Do a 12 step program or something.
> Your wife has serious issues if she is still staying with you, obviously co-dependent and has little self worth. You both need separate counselling and a divorce.


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## aine

LetgoletGod said:


> Right. It takes two. I’m not here cause she’s been a angel and I want out. I’m here because we both have issues and I do everything I can to get right....rehab fasting accountability sex addict meetings everything.....while she just sits back pointing the finger like she doesn’t have anything to do with the way the marriage is instead I gotta fix it cause it’s ALL my fault. Which ok cool I take that and I do just that but after awhile it becomes exhausting ya no and no therapist every wants to tell her she needs to tighten up on somethings too. And when we find a therapist that does tell her some of this is her fault she don’t like them and doesn’t want to see them again. So yea it’s a lot of stuff ya no. And I’m just at a point to where I’m tired of fighting alone.
> 
> and the grass is greener where you water it. So I don’t believe in that whole cliche statement. I just want to make the right choice cause honesty if she can humble herself and work on the issues she brings to the marriage then I’d freaking love to be with her and be a testimony for marriages around the world ...but I don’t think she will ever feel the need to fix her issues.


Reading this is exactly how a person who has not faced the reality of his ****ty character is. You cannot change anyone else, you should not be pointing fingers at anyone else, what are you doing to clean up your side of the street. 
Has your wife been addicted to drugs?
Has your wife been addicted to sex?
Has your wife cheated on you?
I think you just need someone to blame for your ****ty behaviour, the only thing your wife is guilty off is trying to hold a family together when you let her down over and over, and not dumping your sorry ass asap.


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## Ella-Bee

I'm curious to know what your parents were like. What sort of relationship did they have when you were young? What role models were you given of men and women and how they interact as partners?


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