# Did you ever go on a "strike", and if yes - did it help you?



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Okay, some of you know me. I come here from time to time.

Since manning up, many aspect in my life improved dramatically. That is, except one thing: I still need to always watch. My wife is insecure, so her insecurities will show up from time to time in forms of anger. I believe it's because her mother was the same way. 

Since me becoming better, the anger attacks - this is how I call them - or much less frequent, but they still exist.

Now to our bedroom: I became much more agrassive, in a good way. In the past I used to ask her if she wants to be together, nowdays I "attack" her, being very verbal about what makes me feel good, etc. etc.

HOWever, in the last few days I have this thoughts that bothers me again and again. Why is it I that always have to initiate, and do most of the "work" during intimacy? I enjoy making my wife feel good, and as a new "you" I am even fine to show her and tell her what to do. But yet, I feel like almost it's a one way street. To be honest, I feel it's very much a one way street in our marriage. I give, she takes. 

So I am kind of in the mood to go on a sex strike. Not to initiate. Still be as good as I am, just not much of physical touch, or intimacy.

I know this is a stupid idea, but maybe it will give her the message? I did convey this message enough times verbally.. maybe if she taste the other end of the stick she will understand it better?

What do you guys think?


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

If your problem with your wife is her insecurities and lashing out in anger, how is manipulating her by withholding sex going to solve that problem?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I'm not seeing it either

What about using your new found aggressiveness during the act to tell her what to do and how to do it?

I also wouldn't be too concerned about the intiating aspect. Sure, it's great when it does happen but as long as she's not rejecting you advances, what more can you want?


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Let me reframe this:

My problem is that this is a one way street, and I do most of the work and don't get much back.

So if I will withhold, she might feel the way I did and realize what she is doing to me.

Or, do you have a better idea?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

No, very bad idea. This is a covert contract where you do something and then she is supposed to do something in return, but she doesn't know about it. Furthermore, you are being indirect and manipulative. I don't see your sex strike as healthy gamesmanship.

A sex moratorium can be a valuable relationship tool, but it has to be discussed and agreed upon. The reason to do it is not to get more sex but to fix your thinking so you don't try to trick her into sex by doing the dishes. (And then when you don't get sex you are pissed that you did the dishes for no reason). And the moratorium shows her that your expressions of affection can be just that, without being a manipulation for sex.

I don't think the moratorium is called for here. I think you need to just talk to her openly and non-accusatorially. Just tell her what you told us. You want her to initiate more often. Perhaps she thinks she gives you clues which you are not catching. Tell her you want her to be more active in sex, taking initiative to get what she wants.

Probably though the issue is elsewhere in the relationship. Fix the other stuff and the sex will get better. Definitely talk to her about sex but don't just leave it at that. See if there are other things in the relationship that can be improved too.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Hate to say it, but I do this still.... I'm trying to break myself of it. Doesn't help.

Now pop over the sex sub-forum... theres a 3 panty idea in there that is quite interesting and might solve your issues.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I go on "strikes" all the time but it's more of a tease than outright trying to withhold sex because that's just asking from trouble from my rather aggressive wife.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Don't do it. JMO


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

It didn't change the outcome of my marriage. She only wanted it Saturday morning...even when she was having an affair. I think it leads you down to the point you have a standoff. Mine just blew up because of her actions.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

[QUOTE=Thor;1112837 Perhaps she thinks she gives you clues which you are not catching. 

This is an important point.

2 nights ago my wife actually came to bed around the same time I go to sleep (I usually go to bed earlier than her because of my schedule) but earlier in the evening said that she had to be at work 3 hours earlier than normal (8:30 AM instead of 11:30) si I figured that was the reason.

She climbed into bed, laid an arm on my back and we went to sleep. Pretty standard stuff.

The next night, she came to bed and we wound up having a little romp. Afterwards she said "You confuse me. I was all cleaned up the night before and you didn't seem interested. I even went to bed earlier with you".

I said I thought you went to bed because of the schedule change. You've done that before and it's usually a sign you're tired and have a busy day coming up. 

She told me to "Shut up" in a playful way and agreed that what she did was way too subtle of a hint. Progress? I hope so!

Point being that you should talk to her as Thor suggests. That's a good starting point


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

joshbjoshb said:


> HOWever, in the last few days I have this thoughts that bothers me again and again. Why is it I that always have to initiate, and do most of the "work" during intimacy? I enjoy making my wife feel good, and as a new "you" I am even fine to show her and tell her what to do. But yet, I feel like almost it's a one way street. To be honest, I feel it's very much a one way street in our marriage. I give, she takes.
> 
> So I am kind of in the mood to go on a sex strike. Not to initiate. Still be as good as I am, just not much of physical touch, or intimacy.
> 
> ...


Absolutely the wrong tactic. In fact, when I feel like you, which is most of the time, I try to initiate more - like twice as much as I feel like. This has actually worked out really well for me


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

joshbjoshb said:


> What do you guys think?


Bad idea. You're supposed to be dominant, not her. Unless you want to be the sub. That's not a good idea, either.


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## Eagle441977 (May 7, 2012)

This is a bad idea. Your penis will never agree to it. You will get hard and your penis will cross the picket line and go back to work. Then you penis will be a SCAB .... No one wants to have A scab penis
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

Not a good idea. Been there, done that. 

I have done this, maybe by accident more so and it wasnt the reaction I wanted.

Basically lost attraction to my wife, and just want her less now. Then her behaviors cut any last bit of lust I had for her. I did hold out for 3 weeks once and all she did is complain that I didnt like her anymore.

Funny how she didnt put 2 and 2 together to understand how lack of affection causes this and that is what I am feeling.

Anyway, it was a waste. She just wont be that bright and figure it out.


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