# One-sided total lack of intimacy???



## Gemini79 (Oct 9, 2010)

Where do I begin...I've been with my husband for 23 years. We've been through alot together and love eachother very much. There are some trust issues involving addiction, porn & boundaries. I am working on forgiving & releasing those issues. I have been in therapy & he went to 4-5 sessions as well. I read every day & have shared much of my knowledge with him & feel we have all the tools to reconnect & heal our relationship yet we very rarely apply those tools. We have busy lives but that should not negate the lack of intimacy as our top priority, IMO. I have expressed my needs & concerns & often it ends in a huge fight with no resolution to the issues. You see, he doesn't feel the disconnect that I do. I have recurring jealousy & feel the lack of intimacy from the beginning has fed that fire. The physical intimacy has been bad for over ten years! He used to initiate but after the birth of our child we went 5 years w/o sex because I was absorbed in our child & he never asked for anything! So I brought up this issue & we began having sex but 1xmonth isn't enough for me (& that figure has fallen off again, try 3x this year, that's it!). He also says he wants me to initiate but I feel like he isn't attracted to me, doesn't desire me because of the 5 yr dry spell which he offers no explanation for...The thing that sets me off the most is the emotional involvment with other women. He is very outgoing & funny & I think that is one of the reasons I was attracted to him in the beginning. The old cliche, "He makes me laugh!" But I do not like it when he does that joking, nicknames, cutesy talk & sometimes raunchy talk with other females including co-workers. It drives me insane. I've told him this & he says he will not live according to my jealousy. I tell him how hurtful it is to me especially with our lack of intimacy but he gets very angry with me. I just need some fresh input & support from someone who might understand my situation...thanks for listening.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

There's a big difference between being outgoing, humorous, cutesy and flirtatious and being intimate. You said that was what attracted you to him so you knew this side of his personality from the beginning.

You admit that you went 5 years without sex because you were absorbed with your son. So for five years he heard "no" time after time. Sooner or later, he stopped asking because he knew the answer. He built up frustration and resentment and swallowed it.

But when you wanted sex, it started again but I bet deep in his mind he still holds on to the resentment, maybe even more now that YOU want YOUR needs met but for five years HIS needs weren't being met.

Yeah, maybe it IS his problem, but the hole he is in was dug by both of you and 4-5 MC sessions won't be enough to get him out of it.


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## FeliceDunas (Jun 14, 2011)

This is a common problem for many couples. I spend much of my time helping my clients and patients with this issue. Perhaps you might be interested in listening to my free teleclasses. Here's my link www.keepingherhappy.com

Good Luck,
F. Dunas


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## Gemini79 (Oct 9, 2010)

Good points I agree...however, he DID NOT ASK ONE TIME. I never rejected him. We were both working full-time plus I tended to our child literally full-time. I thought he would have continued his sexual desire for me but that didn't happen. Yes I knew his personality & that I have questioned myself about over and over as to why I chose someone with that behavior....thanks for the input.


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## Gemini79 (Oct 9, 2010)

Thanks! I will check it out ASAP!


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