# second separation since Christmas, he's trying, I'm exhausted



## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Hi,

For those who have read my posts in the past, H and I separated around Christmas last year after years of isues, although we've only been married for 2 years- together for six this June.

He has Rheumatoid Arthritis, diagnosed a year and a half ago.

It was really bad- he was working 15-18 hour days on top of that and we were away from our home city for work no support so the wheels really came off. I went away to a spa to get my head together. He just kind of laid down after a while as I told him to quit his job, we moved back to Melbourne and he was out of work for 2 months before finding another.

Anyway, we separated and I was a complete mess, we got back together again early Jan and then he fell into this half-arsed mode and me, with all of the history combined with little job satisfaction and marrage issues, became really down myself.

I stayed with my mum and dad, sked him to move out, and moved back into our place once he was gone.

Anyway, he is trying really hard and has gfound another job (he was made redundant 2 months ago with the economic crash).

At the moment, I am completely lost, I have lost all of my sel confidence, I don't even know if I love him or not, if my job/ our history, is to blame or if it was all just one big mistake.

How do you find clarity? I don't feel the 'i want to jump back into your arms' love at all at the moment, but is that because of everything else?

He is trying really hard and I dont want it to be over but I just feel spent. Wwhat do I do? Any advice?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

... we are both seeing councellors. He has agreed that he had communication issues. He just wouldn't talk, and when he did it was all guarded, like we were dating and hadn't been in a relationship for 5 1/2 years... that was what made me pull the pin in the end. It was like being in a realtionship on my own-so lonely. I felt we didn'thave anything in common at all. I last night, he came over and I said he is a completely different man to the guy I fell in love with all of those years ago and he agreed. I said if I was goong to give it another shot, I had to make the decsion whether or not I basically wanted to start from scratch... because, he has changed IN A GOOD WAY. He has really turned his life around, but has gone from creative guy, to business man- a COMPLETE turn around. Like he has just left his old self at the curb. I don't know what to do and would really love some advice...


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## Lostman (May 23, 2009)

well if your willing to give him "a second chance" and start from scratch, try it. It is hard. Communication is the big reason for my marriage seperation amongst other things. see if he does come around. In the mean time keep going to counselling, if you think it is helping you out. Wish i had the monetary means at the moment to seek out counselling, good lord knows i need it. For now this forum seems to help me. Sorry about that lil hijack there. keep on doing what youthink is right. Hang in there it will get better. good Luck


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

The hijack is fine. I've done it sooo many times (sorry to everyone who put up with it).

The councelling is helping, but it isn't the be all and end all, so don't think not going is hindering things allthat much. It is just good to pay for an honest and impartial ear, basically. THey aren't lost in all of your confusionlike you are...

Keep on doing ehat I think is right.... I think that is good advice. Being separated is definetley what is needed, and I think he looks goofy, not hot at all, but although I keep getting told I have done the right thing and keep getting told I wont be on the market for long because I'm a good catch, I love his goofiness. But slowly, slowly... maybe I'll see him once a week. We tried that and it ended up being like threee or four times a week which was too much.

I am a different woman to the one he met. Are back with your wife? Are you guys working it out?


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## Lostman (May 23, 2009)

No wife and I arent back together doesnt seem like she wants to be either. She left me for a nother man. Tried to hide it from too, so much trust is lost there. I would love to get back together with her but part of me says no. She hardly says two words to me unless it is about the kids. Shje is working on herself i guess or whatever fine by me. Hope she finds the happiness i apperantly couldnt give to her anymore.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear that Lostman. 

Thanks for the advice. Chin up.


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## Lostman (May 23, 2009)

Well things (plans) of her have changed. we actually talked by text messaging and on the computer for quiet a while. I mean we actually had a conversation. It felt really good too. She teeter tottered on the getting back together. Which i expected. We both have some personal issues to work out with our selfs first. Both us agreed that getting back together right now wouldnt do us any good or the kids any good, just make things worse. I'm actually gonna go pick her up at airport tomorrow (tonight) night. Stay in hotel for the night cause airport is 2 hours away. She staying until next weekend. See how things go. I will let you know. So keep on moving forward. Do what you think is right.


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