# Clothes selection and how it affects attention from men



## worldwide (Jul 14, 2011)

My wife will often dress for work in a manner that I am sure will get a greater than normal amount of attention from male colleagues. Not stripper-like, but still in a manner that I think would draw unnecessary attention. Does this thought ever cross your mind as you are getting dressed? If so, does it or should it impact your choices? How should your husband feel about it? I dont like it. But as what I would consider to be a normal male, I realize the hypocrisy because I know what I think when I see women dressed that way in the office.
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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

I would try to dress in a way that shows I am in charge.A way that shows I am sexually aware of myself but I'm not available or giving it up to anyone.Low cut clothing is a no-no.high cut skirts are a no-no.uber tight things...you guessed it...a no-no.

Smart.Sexy.Professional.It can be accomplished without looking like you double as a naughty secretary at the local strip club.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I do care about what I look like at work. The professional environment certainly affects my choice in clothing. With that said, I don't understand some women who wear too revealing outfits or the opposite--looking like they just rolled out of bed.

It sounds like you have a problem wth the way your wife dresses.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I try to dress in clothes that are mostly clean. Usually I go for comfortable. I work at a tech company where there is no dress code implied or otherwise. Some people literally wear pajamas to work. 

IF I were to have a thought about sexy clothes in the workplace, it would be to avoid them. I would not want my attire to distract from my professional capabilities. If a man came to work wearing clothing from International Male, I would have a hard time taking him seriously. Likewise women.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

When I was working I wanted to be taken seriously so I dressed accordingly. I'm in an office not a bar. Sexy clothes in my opinion have no place at work.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

How you dress for work depends on the industry you are in, and the general office environment of where you work. I can see someone who is in entertainment, fashion, or design dressing it up and being somewhat flamboyant with it.

I guess the issue really seems to be that you don't want your wife to dress as if she wants to garner male attention. But, if she's always been a 'fashion bug', then she could just be dressing that way simply for herself.

Has her fashion sense recently changed?


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

I can understand your concern.... However, here's something I learned:

My wife is beautiful, and will attract attention no matter what she wears. There are some women, that simply have an air of sexiness, and there's nothing they can do about it.
If you feel that she's going over the top a bit, then take a good look at her, and ask yourself what it is you would like her to change.

Is she wearing more makeup than usual?
Fancier earings, tighter clothes, higher heels?
Does she simply look professional, yet very beautiful to you?

Sometimes I look at my wife, and I get captivated by her looks, and I can easily see myself thinking that other men might feel as I do.

Is there a chance that only YOU feel that your wife looks super hot?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've got to tell you that you can be the frumpiest dresser in the world. Brush your hair and smile like hell is all you will ever need.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

worldwide said:


> My wife will often dress for work in a manner that I am sure will get a greater than normal amount of attention from male colleagues. Not stripper-like, but still in a manner that I think would draw unnecessary attention. Does this thought ever cross your mind as you are getting dressed? If so, does it or should it impact your choices? How should your husband feel about it? I dont like it. But as what I would consider to be a normal male, I realize the hypocrisy because I know what I think when I see women dressed that way in the office.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like to dress professionally. It's rare that I dress to attract in that typical way. I choose clothes that are flattering and my own style. I'd still get flirted with and hit on. Confidence and knowing what you're about is what attracts. It's not just about the clothes, it's about the way she's carrying herself in those clothes.

Do you have a good relationship where you mutually desire each other? I think if you do, her dressing this way might be partly thanks to you - that she has her mojo going, knows she looks good, and you're helping put that spring in her step. That is a good thing. 

But it depends on the level of her dress and if it's appropriate or not. I used to wear fitted suits with fairly high stilettos. Now that I'm getting older lol, I wonder how I pulled off wearing those shoes all day. If anything, I chose stilettos not to attract (and they still looked appropriate for my office), but because I felt good in them. I'm on the more modest side though, and if I notice my bra can be seen peeking through a button gap of my shirt, I'll ask my H if he thinks it's okay to wear or not. Depending on the shirt, sometimes he'll say it's fine, other times he says "No way!" and suggests I wear a singlet underneath. 

I don't know if this helps you at all. :scratchhead:


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Honestly no matter what you wear some men will brazenly flirt or hit on you. Your wife has to be the type of person who will not flirt back and will make it known she is married.

That said, my fiance doesn't like me wearing very short things (except when I'm with him) So I try and keep it knee length. Your wife should want you to be comfortable.

However if my fiance started wanting me to wear a burka or the like, I wouldn't feel happy and I would feel as though I could not properly express my self with how I dress. I like to dress nicely.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Syrum said:


> Honestly no matter what you wear some men will brazenly flirt or hit on you. Your wife has to be the type of person who will not flirt back and will make it known she is married.


:iagree:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I dress conservatively but like style and comfort.
I'm more likely to show curves and than skin.
When I do show skin it is usually muscles rather than cleavage (either kind).

I have no problem with being looked at. Even by the street people in our city (major mental health transition center). I'm into participatory improvement of city scape and office space, or just any space that I happen to find myself in. 

Since time began, people have been adorning themselves this way and that. I think it is a natural human thing to dress other than in a functional way. It's if it gets to be an obsession with perfection or you lose your sense of self or life balance in the pursuit of style, or make a lot of other people uncomfortable, or to lose profits, that is when it gets to be an issue.

In business, people will want to associate with people who are confident and attractive. It's no mystery. If you want people to do business with you, you need to be consistently presentable. Not throwing curve balls that your colleauges or customers need to randomly dodge. They should look forward to seeing you.

We usually have a brief fashion discussion at our workplace every day. Style of people fits their personality and job function, although there is a push to have a homegrown what not to wear session, with moderated/assisted/supervised shopping (boss and office manager).


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mommy22 said:


> :iagree: Sometimes it truly doesn't matter what you wear, how disinterested you try to make yourself appear. However, I do think about my clothing choices. I try to dress in a way that is stylish and trendy but doesn't trip men up. *When in doubt, I ask my husband's opinion.*


Wow. Kudos to you mom. Nice play. :smthumbup:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Syrum said:


> *Honestly no matter what you wear some men will brazenly flirt or hit on you.* Your wife has to be the type of person who will not flirt back and will make it known she is married.
> 
> That said, my fiance doesn't like me wearing very short things (except when I'm with him) So I try and keep it knee length. Your wife should want you to be comfortable.
> 
> However if my fiance started wanting me to wear a burka or the like, I wouldn't feel happy and I would feel as though I could not properly express my self with how I dress. I like to dress nicely.


When you're hot you're hot. That is fine. Some women are just sexy. They just have a presence. Nothing wrong with that. As long as you are not just blatantly putting yourself out there then all is good. You are not responsible for guys. You are responsible for not putting out the wrong vibe. I know you know that.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's also situational. I was asked why I would not go stag to a social where there would be lots of other single people... I said I did not want to have to deal with being in the situation (a dinner/dance cruise, so no ready escape) in dance clothes where alcohol was being served and people were expected to dance most of the time, when asked. Yes, I would be able to dance with the person who wanted me to be there, but also have to deal with a whole bunch of unwanted attention and just do not feel like turning the flirt off and on every few minutes depending on the situation. I can do that for an hour or two in an alcohol-free environment where casual dress is the mode, but not for 4-5 hours in an environment where there is alcohol and social dress expected and no escape and no date to use as back-up. I have enough trouble dealing with the occasional nasty dance partner in classes. 

As one poster put it, it's not just the clothes, it's the behavior. I would also add that it is the situation as well. 

It's like hiking or mountaineering, don't put yourself in a dangerous predicament unequipped or ill-equipped or mal-equipped. You take different gear and different clothes to the beach or movies than when mountaineering. And you behave differently as well, and use different back-up systems.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You DO realize you don't have to show a lot of skin to fem it up, yes?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> You DO realize you don't have to show a lot of skin to fem it up, yes?


Yep. Pretty much anything that shows off your curves works (and the less revealing the better imho), as well as just your general attitude - not one of haughtiness, but just open and confident.


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## heron_inthewater (Jul 23, 2011)

Could you give us an example of how she dresses? Is she wearing close-fitting clothing? Low-cut tops without something underneath? Really high heels?

I am not bragging but yesterday although it was hot, I wore a summer blouse with a tank top underneath and a skirt down to my knees with flat-heeled sandals. It was sweltering yesterday but I figured I could deal with it, and that's how I usually dress for work. My hair was a little unkempt from the humidity and I wore no makeup. Yet as I was walking on a street some guy stopped in his tracks to gawk at me and then tried to get his buddy to do the same. 

(shrugs shoulders)

I must have looked very feminine to this guy or something, because I am not the type to show a lot of skin or wear tight clothes.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I generally live by a rule I think I read in star magazine. :scratchhead:

I dress depending on what I'm doing first, work attire and out of work attire are totally different. lol.

BUT. First I remember what I'm doing that day. Then i go by my mood I do like to rock a mini skirt, or a short dress, I will wear heels, and I unfortunately can't hide my boobs even in a sweater.

The rule is. If I show a lot of skin on one part of me, you cover the rest. 

If I'm wearing a short skirt, My stomach and boobs (as much as I can hide them anyhow) are not hanging out. If I'm showing a bit more cleavage, I'm usually wearing shorts, pants, or capris and all my shirts cover my mid section.

I generally stick to a balance theory. you can show a small amount of skin or wear a short skirt without being skanky. Just keep in mind the line between sexy and skanky is thin.


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## worldwide (Jul 14, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Today I wore black plastic flip flops (Walmart), EMS dark green khaki climbing shorts (down to the knee), a lavender tank top and a dark blue short-sleeve polyester blouse with ruffles on the front, and an open mandarin collar with a plunge down the front (hence need for tank top underneath), it tied in the back and comes down over my hips. I had my hair up in the back with a clip (it's curly and somewhat unruly) and today was humid and very hot. I moved some stuff with my kids into the new apartment, took them for ice cream and then walked them down to the theater where their dad picked them up and I went to see Tree of Life. I got included in some chit chat with some women patrons I was sitting next to during the movie, hair talk, etc. Then said hi to my boss on my way out, it was super busy, the movie was so long and I wanted to get home. I had to walk two blocks to get to my car. On the way out of the theater, some young adult guys who were in a hurry to get to a different theater (they missed what they wanted to see at ours), stopped to hold the door open for me, twice (big lobby)...then walking down the street to the corner, a car load of guys slowed down to look, and I was thinking to myself, gee, if you're gonna look, show some appreciation fellows! Sure enough, there came the LOUD niiiiiiiiiice catcall whistle. Oh boy! I waited an appropriate number of seconds and then tucked my head around to let them know I'd heard, with a big smile, I got a wave back as the pulled off. Yah baby, 47 and even in mom clothes I still got it. Next guy went by, by himself, got the look with the head turn. 

I think it's definitely got to be more than about clothes. I think it's that women are sexy just the way they walk when they are comfortable and happy with themselves. Maybe it was that I was thinking about someone, and it showed? 

I mean I can't be that hot. And if I am, I better turn up the nice volume with the guy I was thinking about or it might take him forever to realize I'm waiting for an invite. I assumed he was confident, but realize that guys have limits. 

Maybe this is a good thread to ask how to dress in a way that a guy will want to make a move but not be afraid to. Is there some color or accessory that make a guy more comfortable? Like, should I stick a daisy in my hair?

Oh, I forgot about the guy who was sitting alone at an outside bar just out of the theater. I felt someone looking at me and turned and he was kind of cute and smiled at me. But that bar is not my kind of place and he wasn't really my kind of guy. But still, he got a smile back anyway. I don't mind people who look so long as they aren't total perves. Looking never hurt anyone. I got my first cat call as a preteen riding my bike with striped knee socks on and boys' athletic clothes, I think I had a tee shirt with a soccer ball on it and red shorts with stripes down the side. LOL.

I'm going to Argentine Tango lessons Monday and night and will deliberately wear a below-the-knee tie-back sundress with a bathing suit bikini top (secure hardware for cleavage area) underneath. The point is to intimate any pervert creeps in class so that they won't dare to get too close to me. Anyone who actually knows how to tango won't mind getting close since they won't make any mistakes that would end up in embarassing wardrobe malfunction, or malfunction of their dance-plan thinking. Sometimes dressing for the situation is a bit tricky. I am not usually one to flash what I've got but if I know it will put me more in control, I'll employ it as a tactic when necessary.


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## worldwide (Jul 14, 2011)

I guess when you are getting dressed in the morning does the thought ever cross your mind that guys are probably going to be checking you out a lot more than usual today? Would you wear anything that you think would cause people to say "Ann is really trying to look sexy today." I think there are perfectly good ways to go to work that look stylish and professional without looking sexy. I also think there are ways to go to work looking both professional and sexy that would draw extra attention from men. So if it is assumed that you meet the minimum standard for professionalism, why would you wear the shorter shirt with the higher heels when the little longer skirt and lower heels are acceptable and not likely to draw as much attention? 

I agree that no matter what, there will always be some level of men checking you out, but as a woman you have to have an idea of where you are dressed on the "men checking you out" meter. So if you can be dresses stylish and professional without be overly sexy, why even go there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Ack, I never wear anything revealing or that there is even a shadow of a doubt that I am trying to be revealing. Last Thursday even though it was hot I made sure to wear a tank top to dance class that was a mature tank top, more of a sleeveless blouse and not a sexy print either. Nice pink with white dots and definitely not a plunge neckline, also wide straps and not fitted, had gathers at the top. I wore jeans rather than a skirt or shorts and not the tighter fitting ones either. Then when I got to dance class, after I put my shoes on, I moved around in front of the mirror to make sure everything was PG rated. 

I would say that I always dress PG, even when I'll wear that dress I'm covered with the bathing suit top (it's more than a bra and guaranteed not to slip or fall off). 

All my clothes are PG. Unfortunately my body is rated R, and clothes don't hide that too well. I guess I could wear a potato sack or frown a lot or wear geek clothes. But then I wouldn't feel like being with myself. And my kids would be embarassed.


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