# Not a good day..........



## BrokenHearted15 (Feb 6, 2012)

Today he informed me that HE wants to fight for custody. He also said that we should "give the children a choice and hear what they want." I disagree with that big time, you NEVER put the kids in the middle and that is exactly what that would do. I can't believe he would even suggest it!!!! He said that he will lose the kids and never see them, which is 100% untrue. I was going to be VERY liberal with visitation ect. I guess he is getting to the point where it is becoming real. I feel very threatened. I have given birth to, and cared for these 2 beautiful children for over 14 years. I want and need them in my life and I feel they will want and need me as well. I would never ever put them in the middle. I am not happy and I am freaked out. I am a great Mom, but I am afraid that he ill use my disability to steal the kids from me. (even thought I have been disabled since I was 18, had my children at 22, and have cared for them EVERY single day!) He has a high demand, stressful, long hours job.....I am really angry. I called legal aid again today, finally got through and found out that divorces with minor children are handled (intake) only on Weds......DAMN....So now I have to wait a week!!!!!!
This process feels like it is going to kill me!!!!!!!!!!
HE is being a real jerk, which makes some of this MUCH easier, if he was being sweet and sappy it would hurt more!

He will take my children over my DEAD body!!!!!!!!!!


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## barbieDoll (Jul 7, 2011)

Breath.

You are correct, he is so wrong for putting the kids in the middle; it is NOT their choice to make because in truth, it is not THEIR issue. Is there any way that you and him can have a decent conversation and outline visitation and holidays? I've been through it and know first hand that if you can settle it between yourselves, it saves everyone so much grief.

Think of the kids. What would make more sense for them. If their school is far closer to your place as opposed to his, then it would make sense that they stay with you for the week and he gets weekends.

My main advice; try to settle a schedule out of court because while the court might think a specific schedule is fair, it's often unbalanced.

Best of luck my dear and a disability is in NO WAY an indication of how great (or not) a parent you are. I know some dead beat parents who aren't disabled....


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## BrokenHearted15 (Feb 6, 2012)

barbieDoll said:


> Breath.
> 
> You are correct, he is so wrong for putting the kids in the middle; it is NOT their choice to make because in truth, it is not THEIR issue. Is there any way that you and him can have a decent conversation and outline visitation and holidays? I've been through it and know first hand that if you can settle it between yourselves, it saves everyone so much grief.
> 
> ...



All along we were going to figure it out together, I had told him many times that I would be VERY fair, too fair maybe. Today he just blind sided me. It sounds to me like he wants this divorce and the kids......and I am sorry but if he thinks he is going to take them from me, he is so dead wrong. I think it is his ego talking, he thinks he deserves to have the kids. It was so hurtful.


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

He might just be threatening you to unnerve you. He won't will fill custody unless your an unfit mother ... Which of course you're not! Don't argue with him, hopefully he will see hes not getting to you and drop the issue
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I have heard that some men do this as a ploy to unnerve you and so that you don't fight for so much, but feel lucky you get the kids and not so much support. 

Sometimes lawyers put them up to it so the men 'look good.'

Did he already leave the family home?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are your kids?

C


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## BrokenHearted15 (Feb 6, 2012)

He has not left the house nor have I. We don't have the money or means right now. It is VERY difficult. Kids are 14 and 9.......He is dead serious and will follow through. He wants custody of our 9 yo son. He will not back down. I love he loves the kids a lot, but part of me thinks this has a lot to do with him not wanting to pay support. I could definatley see him thinking that way. He is going to hate paying anything.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Around here, the kids that age DO get a say (at least an opportunity to speak their mind) on who they live with. It does seem only fair, to be honest. Yes, it puts the kids in an awkward place, but isn't that better than not respecting their wishes?


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