# Husband looks at teen porn and photos of teen girls



## Starlet (Dec 9, 2013)

My husband is 59 and I am 45, we have been married for 12 years. Over the last few years I have found out he looks at teen porn. I have told him I don't like it and that it really upsets me but he STILL continues to do it. He also texts other girls and women who are younger than me but he says it is just platonic friendship. If it's so platonic why does he hide it. He also phones massage parlours but insists he has never gone as far as to go there. Just recently I have found out he is texting a young girl who he works with but have not approached him about this yet. And to top it off he is taking screen shots on his iPad of teenage girls off facebook. He must be trawling through friends of friends to get these girls photos as I know he doesn't know them personally. I am TOTALLY DEVASTATED as some of these girls went to school with my 17 yr old son. I feel so betrayed and unattractive. I don't want to cause a major upset just before christmas but I'm not sure I can keep quiet for much longer


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## minebeloved (Nov 7, 2013)

This is cheating. He's cheating on you, I don't care if he says it is platonic. He's having side relationships. The more the focuses on this the closer he gets to acting on it. If he's looking at picks of children...which is basically what they are until they hit 18, he has a problem.
Do what you would do if he were to actually act on his urges? Get prepared now, and do the best you can to protect any child he make be talking to.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Looking at porn is the least of your problem. Your husband doesn't seem to know boundaries and doesn't respect your feelings.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Starlet said:


> He also texts other girls and women who are younger than me but he says it is just platonic friendship.
> 
> He also phones massage parlours but insists he has never gone as far as to go there.
> 
> Just recently I have found out he is texting a young girl who he works with but have not approached him about this yet.



I don't think I've ever said this to anyone on here, but I think if I were you I would just go ahead and file for divorce.

I don't feel like he is showing you any respect at all and what he is doing may even be illegal depending on the exact age of these girls.

I may be misjudging them from what you wrote, but this just sounds like predatory behavior and I'd be really afraid someone who has shown this behavior may act upon it.

I read this post and all I really can think & feel is:

Run, run, run!


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

Teen porn on the internet is comprise of women of legal age who look very young.

WWHT


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Yeah... You're husband is straight-out cheating on you... Over and over, with multiple parties, be it emotionally or with these massage parlours... With a straight face, he tells you he calls these places but doesn't go through with it?

When do I call pizza joints? When I'm going to buy a pizza.
When do I call a plumber? When I'm going to buy the services of a plumber.
When do scumbag husbands call massage parlours? When they plan on using the services of a prostitute.

Now. This is all aside from the troubling teen aspect. I take it, then, that he's facebook stalking and taking pictures of underage girls? If so, I'd say you've passed the breaking point of your marriage, and are in the territory of protecting children. He may be a predator.

To hell with making things uncomfortable around Christmas. He is the perpetrator of these wrongs, not you, and it's on him when things get weird.

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. It must be heart breaking.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The fact he looks at porn - whatever kind of porn - is the very least of your worries. He is having sex with other women, at the massage parlours and probably elsewhere too.

Get STD tested ASAP and kick his ass out.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

There's never a good time to pull the plug.

The sooner the better.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

If you're upset because he appreciates the beauty of young women, I think you're aiming too high. Most men would find young women more physically appealing than older women.

I would treat the issue as two separate things. One issue is being attracted to young women. That's normal. The second issue is secretly texting other people, calling massage parlors, and lurking on Facebook profiles of strangers. That looks like trolling for sex. I would be concerned about the second issue.

And I wouldn't say that he's cheating. He might be trying to, but unless sex is had, or virtually had, in the case of an emotional affair, he hasn't yet cheated.

Good luck.


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## Marigold32 (Nov 24, 2013)

What a scumbag? The fact that he's watching teen porn and fantasising about younger women may be a sign that you are no longer attracted to him. He wants someone younger. And the fact that they are teens or look like teens is the more worrying. Does predator spring to mind? If anything I'm sorry to say that your husband might be showing signs of sickness or weakness if he can't control his urges of young girls. Your morriage might be heading for the rocks as he has no concerns for your feeling. Again meaning that he might have less sexual attraction for u. 
I would be very worried and be prepared to see the end. I'm sorry you're going through this but it's absolutely horrendous. Get some legal advice and see a councelor with him, he might need help.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

whowouldhavethought said:


> Teen porn on the internet is comprise of women of legal age who look very young.
> 
> WWHT


Do you really believe that? Sounds like a cover response to me.

"Oh, you have it all wrong. Although I typed 'nude 15 year old girls' into the search engine, rest assured these are grown women. They just_ look _15." 

Are we supposed to ignore the fact the person in my example was looking for a 15 year old girl?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

SaltInWound said:


> Do you really believe that? Sounds like a cover response to me.
> 
> "Oh, you have it all wrong. Although I typed 'nude 15 year old girls' into the search engine, rest assured these are grown women. They just_ look _15."
> 
> Are we supposed to ignore the fact the person in my example was looking for a 15 year old girl?


The OP husband is 59. The predatory of minors would have shown up long before this. Again stop concentrating on the porn and why are you staying in a marriage where your husband is clearing talking to other women.


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## Starlet (Dec 9, 2013)

Thanks for your responses guys. I am so disgusted by my husbands behaviour. I have asked him to go to counselling but he never gets round to doing anything. I must admit he is not the most careing or thoughtful person he says that he does love me but how can he really love me. I know I deserve better. The girls in question are 16 or over but that doesn't make it right. I just had this " feeling" that something wasn't right and sure enough my instincts weren't wrong. I know there's no good time to broach the subject but I can't spoil christmas for my son. Thanks for your help n support I just had to tell someone.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

SaltInWound said:


> Do you really believe that? Sounds like a cover response to me.


For professional porn, yes, it's true. Porn, mostly produced in, and regulated by, California, is a multi-billion dollar industry. Porn is produced by large corporations. And large, multi-billion dollar corporations aren't about to risk all their profits, as well as jail time, by trying to sneak an underaged actress into a film when they can easily find a 20 year-old who looks 15.

Now, obviously there is some amateur stuff floating around the internet using underage girls. And small online communities exist that are dedicated to sharing those kinds of movies illegally starring children. But I wouldn't know how to begin to find those movies.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Even if you don't have kids of your own, how the hell cound anyone justify anything under 18? No matter what part of the world.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Starlet said:


> Thanks for your responses guys. I am so disgusted by my husbands behaviour. *I have asked him to go to counselling* but he never gets round to doing anything. I must admit he is not the most careing or thoughtful person he says that he does love me but how can he really love me. I know I deserve better. The girls in question are 16 or over but that doesn't make it right. I just had this " feeling" that something wasn't right and sure enough my instincts weren't wrong. I know there's no good time to broach the subject but I can't spoil christmas for my son. Thanks for your help n support I just had to tell someone.


So what are you going to do about it?? Why are you ASKING him to do anything?? Tell him what he has to do and give him a time limit and then DIVORCE him when he fails to follow through.

Have you made an appt for STD testing yet? Hopefully you are not still having sex with him!


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

To the person who said it's "normal" for the OP's husband to be attracted to younger women...

I think husbands and wives should always try to focus on each other sexually and emotionally instead of getting lazy and lusting after others.

As your husband or wife ages, continue focusing on the things that make them physically and emotionally attractive. For example, maybe your husband or wife put on some weight or got some wrinkles. But s/he probably still has the same beautiful eyes and cute smile s/he had when you were first married. Focus on that instead of being pathetic and lusting after someone half your age. 

As a woman in my 20s, I always feel DISGUSTED when a man old enough to be my father stares at me. A few months ago, an older guy walked by me and looked right at my chest while his wife was standing right there. She looked so shocked and hurt. I felt so bad even though I didn't do ANYTHING to attract his attention.

There's a big difference between seeing a younger woman while out at the grocery store and thinking to yourself, "hmm she's a very pretty young woman" and then moving on with your life vs doing what the OP's husband does: Actively seeking out and flirting with women that are WAY too young for him. 

And don't even get me started on the massage parlors...

Sorry you're going through this OP. This problem is unfortunately way too common.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Your husband has some serious issues and there is going to be nothing you can do about it. I am not telling you to accept it but that is all you can do. That doesn't mean you have to stay. I can guarantee you this will not stop or go away and he will not have some new dawning that he has done something wrong.

My first husband was like this with the exception that this was before cell phones and internet....he was a sex addict. He could not get enough. He sought this to make himself feel good about himself. He collected women. One time he picked up a girl (he was 25 at the time) and I found out the girl was only 13. He slept with 2 of our 17 year old babysitters....sick in my mind!!!

He remarried and did the very same thing to his second wife, she divorced him. He is now again with a very sweet lady and has already been unfaithful to her as well. He is now in his 50's and has never learned.


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## Starlet (Dec 9, 2013)

Until he admits this is wrong and until he admits he has a problem and does something about it he will always be like this. I know this is an addiction and he does need to sort it. As with any addiction if it is not treated it will continue and escalate. I know it sounds mad but I am the only person who can push to get help for this. At the end of the day I am his wife I made the vows I will stand by him but I know this has to be the very last time. I cannot live a lie and have these feelings of utter repulsion for the man I love for much longer. At the moment divorce is not an option I have to be practical. It is sooo very hard because at this minute he doesn't know that I know what he is currently doing. Thank you for all your advice.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Starlet said:


> I know it sounds mad but I am the only person who can push to get help for this. At the end of the day I am his wife I made the vows I will stand by him but I know this has to be the very last time.


It sounds mad, because it is maddening. If you continue to have this view of the situation, you are going to slowly die from the inside out. You can't fix him, nor can you save him. Only he can do that for himself. The more someone tells him how wrong it is, the more he will want to do it........and coming from you, he will do it with the goal of hurting you more. In the end, with my stbxh, when I would approach him about porn, would get a twinkle in his eye and a sadistic smirk on his face. He began participating in the activity (masturbating) so that I would catch him in the act. Simply put, he loved my pain. 

You have to save yourself. Get help for yourself. Get out of this marriage. 

He will always be attracted to teens. That is the reality. Please go find a man who is attracted to a woman. Even if your husband had an epiphany, find a man who will be sexually attracted to you, and not stay with a man who has sex with you, because he is stifling his attraction for someone else who is off limits because the law tells him so.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

MaBi123 said:


> To the person who said it's "normal" for the OP's husband to be attracted to younger women...
> 
> I think husbands and wives should always try to focus on each other sexually and emotionally instead of getting lazy and lusting after others.
> 
> As your husband or wife ages, continue focusing on the things that make them physically and emotionally attractive. For example, maybe your husband or wife put on some weight or got some wrinkles. But s/he probably still has the same beautiful eyes and cute smile s/he had when you were first married. Focus on that instead of being pathetic and lusting after someone half your age.


I didn't write that it was "normal." I wrote that it was normal. We don't need the qualifying quotes around the word normal. It's normal for men to appreciate the physical beauty of young women. That's why the market for models in print, billboards, television, movies, and the runway is focused on women under the age of 30. It just is what it is.

Now, obviously a married man needs to do whatever he needs to to stay as attracted as possible to his wife as she ages. If a man can be attracted to his older wife if he doesn't view porn, but loses his attraction if he views porn, then he shouldn't view porn. But, if he still desires his wife after watching porn starring more attractive women, then there's no problem.



> As a woman in my 20s, I always feel DISGUSTED when a man old enough to be my father stares at me. A few months ago, an older guy walked by me and looked right at my chest while his wife was standing right there. She looked so shocked and hurt. I felt so bad even though I didn't do ANYTHING to attract his attention.


This just happens. Men like bewbs. Film at 11. It serves no purpose to be disgusted by life.



> There's a big difference between seeing a younger woman while out at the grocery store and thinking to yourself, "hmm she's a very pretty young woman" and then moving on with your life vs doing what the OP's husband does: Actively seeking out and flirting with women that are WAY too young for him.
> 
> And don't even get me started on the massage parlors...


Right. That's why I wrote that the OP is dealing with two separate issues. Appreciating younger women is normal. Nothing short of electrodes on testicles brainwashing will suppress that preference in the average man. The second, more serious, issue is contacting women. That's the problem.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

AVR1962 said:


> Your husband has some serious issues and there is going to be nothing you can do about it. I am not telling you to accept it but that is all you can do. That doesn't mean you have to stay. I can guarantee you this will not stop or go away and he will not have some new dawning that he has done something wrong.
> 
> My first husband was like this with the exception that this was before cell phones and internet....he was a sex addict. He could not get enough. He sought this to make himself feel good about himself. He collected women. One time he picked up a girl (he was 25 at the time) and I found out the girl was only 13. He slept with 2 of our 17 year old babysitters....sick in my mind!!!
> 
> He remarried and did the very same thing to his second wife, she divorced him. He is now again with a very sweet lady and has already been unfaithful to her as well. He is now in his 50's and has never learned.


Well... He's a pedophile. My understanding is that they will NEVER learn.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Did your vows include cheating and trolling for underage women? If so by all means stick around and be his doormat. Otherwise gtho now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Starlet said:


> Until he admits this is wrong and until he admits he has a problem and does something about it he will always be like this. I know this is an addiction and he does need to sort it. As with any addiction if it is not treated it will continue and escalate. I know it sounds mad but I am the only person who can push to get help for this. At the end of the day I am his wife I made the vows I will stand by him but I know this has to be the very last time. I cannot live a lie and have these feelings of utter repulsion for the man I love for much longer. At the moment divorce is not an option I have to be practical. It is sooo very hard because at this minute he doesn't know that I know what he is currently doing. Thank you for all your advice.


Ok well, then what exactly did you post for? You are apparently just going to keep doing what you're doing.

I am married to a sex addict. He's been clean for over three years now. The ONLY reason he is is because he hit rock bottom after I kicked him out the day I found out what he was up to. I was done with him. He decided I was worth cleaning up his act for, and he cleaned up his act. I had nothing to do with it - I didn't 'ask' him to do anything or push him to do it. He did it on his own.

If you continue to say that divorce is not an option, then you have zero leverage, and things will just continue on the way they have been. The vows you made have been broken. The marriage you had is dead.

For the third time, have you been tested for STD's?


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Starlet said:


> Until he admits this is wrong and until he admits he has a problem and does something about it he will always be like this. I know this is an addiction and he does need to sort it. As with any addiction if it is not treated it will continue and escalate. I know it sounds mad but I am the only person who can push to get help for this. At the end of the day I am his wife I made the vows I will stand by him but I know this has to be the very last time. I cannot live a lie and have these feelings of utter repulsion for the man I love for much longer. At the moment divorce is not an option I have to be practical. It is sooo very hard because at this minute he doesn't know that I know what he is currently doing. Thank you for all your advice.


An honest question, and one I wouldn't wish to be in the position of having to answer...

What if he gets tired of merely stalking underage girls and decides to go further with one or more? What if you find out he has already done that?

Divorce: ok, so him looking up prostitutes isn't a practical reason to split up with him. Fine. That's your perspective, and you're entitled to it. Plenty of people have put up with that. But what about the stalking and predatory behaviours that he aims at underage girls? 

Are you willing to live with yourself if you've been enabling him?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Starlet said:


> Until he admits this is wrong and until he admits he has a problem and does something about it he will always be like this. I know this is an addiction and he does need to sort it. As with any addiction if it is not treated it will continue and escalate. I know it sounds mad but I am the only person who can push to get help for this. At the end of the day I am his wife I made the vows I will stand by him but I know this has to be the very last time. I cannot live a lie and have these feelings of utter repulsion for the man I love for much longer. At the moment divorce is not an option I have to be practical. It is sooo very hard because at this minute he doesn't know that I know what he is currently doing. Thank you for all your advice.


Have you done this? and what is his response?


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## Starlet (Dec 9, 2013)

Right people let's get some things straight. Firstly I came on here because I needed to voice my worries thoughts and suspicions. just to reiterate my husband LOOKS at photos of 16+ girls he DOES NOT have sex with them. He has PHONED massage parlours NOT visited them. DIVORCE is not an option as I no longer work full time so therefore would have no income to support myself or my son who has just started college. And NO I have not been tested as he has NOT had sex with anyone other than me. YES his behaviour is extremely worrying and as I said he has an ADDICTION. Just like an addiction to drugs alcohol food or whatever without professional help we are not going anywhere. Would you divorce your partner for an addiction to food?????? and no I am NOT a doormat I want he best for All my family. Do not judge me just by a couple of posts I have put on. I know what he is doing is wrong and there is a time when it is right to confront him and now is not good because I need to be stronger than I am at this minute so that I can tell him exactly what I think and what my ultimatums are. He needs to seek professional help but unless HE wants to do it it is out of my hands. Should he decide that looking at younger girls and teen porn is more important than his marriage then at that point there is no marriage. I know most men watch porn I'm not naive in that respect I have no problem with porn just teen porn. It's not my cup of tea. And as for the market being for females under 30 rubbish I was still modelling until I was 42. So it's not that he doesn't find me attractive in fact he is very jealousy and all this stems from an older mans insecurities due to the fact that he is getting older and younger women are more easily manipulated than old birds like myself...... Rant over


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Starlet said:


> my husband LOOKS at photos of 16+ girls he DOES NOT have sex with them. He has PHONED massage parlours NOT visited them.


Unless you're with him 24/7 you have no way of knowing whether or not he has acted on his urges.

He works with a teen girl with whom he's been texting. They have ample opportunity to do the deed. He's been contacting massage parlors. What do you think, he's just calling them for the thrill? 

Just because he TELLS you he's not cheating doesn't mean it's true.

All cheaters lie.



Starlet said:


> DIVORCE is not an option as I no longer work full time so therefore would have no income to support myself or my son who has just started college.


Divorce is an option. That's what support is for.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you honestly believe that he only phones those massage parlours and hasn't had sex with anyone else, then I am done here. Good luck.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> First of all, I don't think you are crazy if you want to fix things with your husband. I would do the same thing, vows are vows and to throw out years of marriage without trying, well, that is mad.
> 
> Second of all, Sexual fantasies should be a healthy thing, any sexual therapist is going to tell you that. Maybe that is the therapy you should seek together? I am not justifying being attracted to kids, there is a reason it is illegal, I am talking about adult sexual life and if there is a problem, both partners should feel responsible.
> 
> ...


Holy crap. It's been a LONG time, if ever, that I have read a post with such horrible, horrible advice!!! Wow!! To tell ANYONE that their spouse cheating on them is even partly THEIR FAULT?!?!?! You, my fiend are WAY WAY WAY out to lunch here.

I'm not even gonna touch what you said about the kiddie porn.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Read again, I didn't say anything about under aged kids here, read again, I said adult sexual relationship. BTW OP said that her partner is not cheating. Everything is not black and white.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Starlet said:


> Just recently I have found out he is texting a young girl who he works with but have not approached him about this yet.


Why not? Are you waiting to find evidence of cheating first? Too late then.



> And to top it off he is taking screen shots on his iPad of teenage girls off facebook. He must be trawling through friends of friends to get these girls photos as I know he doesn't know them personally.
> 
> I am TOTALLY DEVASTATED as *some of these girls went to school with my 17 yr old son.* I feel so betrayed and unattractive. I don't want to cause a major upset just before christmas but I'm not sure I can keep quiet for much longer


So some of those girls are right there in your city where he could start following them around (girls checking in their location on Facebook tells him exactly where they are and when)...does your H have unexplained absences? 

Tell him you'll contact the parents of those girls if he doesn't immediately get himself into therapy with a qualified doctor.

I wouldn't bother and would just divorce, but since you won't entertain that idea, you might consider taking some stronger measures.

And please do speak to a divorce attorney. At least know your rights and responsibilities and what you can expect in the way of alimony as well as division of assets. You might not be as bad off as you think, so you might actually be able to free yourself of this depressing and sickening marriage.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> Read again, I didn't say anything about under aged kids here, read again, I said adult sexual relationship. BTW OP said that her partner is not cheating. Everything is not black and white.


So if I told you I was a supermodel married to a billionaire you'd believe that too??

I am far more concerned with your assertion that she should feel in ANY way responsible for the fact her husband has cheated (because really, the chances he hasn't are probably about a trillion to one)


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> She said he has not and I will take her word over an observer's from a side.


It's not a matter of taking her word. It's a matter of taking her HUSBAND's word. He has not done anything to deserve credibility.



Feeling-Lonely said:


> I believe that no matter the gender one partner cheating is both partner's fault.


Oh boy..you don't get much more clueless than this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> She said he has not and I will take her word over an observer's from a side.
> 
> I did not live in a feminist era and I believe that no matter the gender one partner cheating is both partner's fault. Could be a long neglect, could be as simple as getting involved with this person.
> 
> The OP, if you are not able to sort this out just two of you, seek therapy together. Show him the love you have for him first and if he does not return that, only then look for divorce lawyers.


:rofl: Allrighty then


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Starlet said:


> Right people let's get some things straight. Firstly I came on here because I needed to voice my worries thoughts and suspicions. just to reiterate my husband LOOKS at photos of 16+ girls he DOES NOT have sex with them. He has PHONED massage parlours NOT visited them. DIVORCE is not an option as I no longer work full time so therefore would have no income to support myself or my son who has just started college. And NO I have not been tested as he has NOT had sex with anyone other than me. YES his behaviour is extremely worrying and as I said he has an ADDICTION. Just like an addiction to drugs alcohol food or whatever without professional help we are not going anywhere. Would you divorce your partner for an addiction to food?????? and no I am NOT a doormat I want he best for All my family. Do not judge me just by a couple of posts I have put on. I know what he is doing is wrong and there is a time when it is right to confront him and now is not good because I need to be stronger than I am at this minute so that I can tell him exactly what I think and what my ultimatums are. He needs to seek professional help but unless HE wants to do it it is out of my hands. Should he decide that looking at younger girls and teen porn is more important than his marriage then at that point there is no marriage. I know most men watch porn I'm not naive in that respect I have no problem with porn just teen porn. It's not my cup of tea. And as for the market being for females under 30 rubbish I was still modelling until I was 42. So it's not that he doesn't find me attractive in fact he is very jealousy and all this stems from an older mans insecurities due to the fact that he is getting older and younger women are more easily manipulated than old birds like myself...... Rant over



Well here's your advice then: stop worrying about what he does. Period. Just go about your business and ignore it. Look, you don't have any leverage here and there are no consequences for him so why would he care? If you ask him to get help for his "addiction" and he says no what will you do? The answer is nothing. And your reasons for taking divorce off the table keep changing: first you took vows and he has an addiction, but now you can't leave because you don't work. The thing is, you don't need to make excuses for why you can't leave; if you want to stay married to him that's your decision.
As for you not being a doormat, we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. You come here complaining about your hb looking at teen porn, but you really don't want to do anything about it, and you're willing to put up with the fact that your hb is likely fantasizing about teens when he sleeps with you. In my view that makes you a doormat, but if you've decided that his financial support and whatever else you get from him is worth it that's your decision. So if you're not going to actually do anything about it why not stop worrying about what he does? And just as a side note if he does start physically cheating you still won't be able to support yourself. If you don't want to hear what people think don't ask for advice.
End rant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

First of all, please understand that I'm trying to appreciate the position you're in. To that extent, please appreciate that unbiased people are trying to give honest advice based on the information which you've provided.



Starlet said:


> Right people let's get some things straight. Firstly I came on here because I needed to voice my worries thoughts and suspicions. just to reiterate my husband LOOKS at photos of 16+ girls he DOES NOT have sex with them.


He says. After being caught.



> He has PHONED massage parlours NOT visited them.


He says. After being caught.



> DIVORCE is not an option as I no longer work full time so therefore would have no income to support myself or my son who has just started college.


Well, like I said before, I don't necessarily mean to tell you to divorce. I've asked you what your dealbreaking "crime" against your marriage would be. I ask again.



> And NO I have not been tested as he has NOT had sex with anyone other than me.


Again: he says. After being caught.



> YES his behaviour is extremely worrying and as I said he has an ADDICTION. Just like an addiction to drugs alcohol food or whatever without professional help we are not going anywhere. Would you divorce your partner for an addiction to food??????


If the addiction to food, drugs or alcohol came with the possibility that my spouse was harming children, and that it would destroy their self worth, ability to have healthy sexual relations in the future, and fill them with shame for the rest of their lives? I'd have to consider it, yes.



> and no I am NOT a doormat I want he best for All my family. Do not judge me just by a couple of posts I have put on. I know what he is doing is wrong and there is a time when it is right to confront him and now is not good because I need to be stronger than I am at this minute so that I can tell him exactly what I think and what my ultimatums are.


I basically agree with you there. There's no point in flying off the handle without a plan.



> He needs to seek professional help but unless HE wants to do it it is out of my hands.


Conversely, it can be argued that if he refuses to seek help for himself, then he's taken the decision out of YOUR hands.



> Should he decide that looking at younger girls and teen porn is more important than his marriage then at that point there is no marriage. I know most men watch porn I'm not naive in that respect I have no problem with porn just teen porn. It's not my cup of tea. And as for the market being for females under 30 rubbish I was still modelling until I was 42. So it's not that he doesn't find me attractive in fact he is very jealousy and all this stems from an older mans insecurities due to the fact that he is getting older and younger women are more easily manipulated than old birds like myself...... Rant over


Plenty of men watch porn. Plenty of men who don't hurt anybody watch professionally produced teen-oriented porn featured legal-aged actors. Only a small percentage of those men are stalking underage girls on facebook or texting them.

I accept that you're a lovely mature woman. Awesome stuff. It doesn't matter how attractive you are if he's attracted to underage girls, however.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

lenzi said:


> It's not a matter of taking her word. It's a matter of taking her HUSBAND's word. He has not done anything to deserve credibility.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh boy..you don't get much more clueless than this.


I should explain, let's not say fault, responsibility is a better word, and both hold responsibility at some level, the cheater of course more, because she or he did the deed but the partner also is responsible at some level. 

Don't tell me that in a good relationship where both have agreed to be exclusive, person would just go out to cheat for no good reason.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> I should explain, let's not say fault, responsibility is a better word, and both hold responsibility at some level, the cheater of course more, because she or he did the deed but the partner also is responsible at some level.
> 
> Don't tell me that in a good relationship where both have agreed to be exclusive, person would just go out to cheat for no good reason.


What is a "good" reason to cheat?


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

*Re: Re: Husband looks at teen porn and photos of teen girls*



Starlet said:


> LOOKS at photos of 16+ girls he DOES NOT have sex with them.


Explicit Photos of those under 18 (not 16) are likely illegal to posses and / or view in all 50 states.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

MaBi123 said:


> To the person who said it's "normal" for the OP's husband to be attracted to younger women...
> 
> I think husbands and wives should always try to focus on each other sexually and emotionally instead of getting lazy and lusting after others.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I wish everyone would read this.
I always thought my ex was beautiful, he always looked as beautiful to me as the day we met 15 years ago.

He thought otherwise, I had been in the shoes of the woman you are describing, the woman whose husband lusted after pretty young girls. Yes, it is heart breaking.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

There's not much to add here, OP...


Your H knows you don't like him looking at teen porn, but continues to do it.


He has 'platonic' texting / online relationships with other women - and hides it.


He phones massage parlours.


He collects and stores images of girls your 17 year old went to school with.

Yet you're not prepared to divorce him because:- (a) it would mean breaking _your_ marriage vows to him, and (b) you cannot (or aren't prepared to) support yourself.

In light of this, it's difficult to know what advice to give you...

There's little point in giving your H any ultimatums, IMO, because it's my guess he already knows that there will be no consequences should he not comply, and your feelings on the subject are clearly of little interest to him.

Unless you're prepared to re-think whether or not you're prepared to leave him, I'm afraid your only other option is to accept your H's behaviour.


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## damagedgoods1 (Nov 8, 2013)

I just had to respond because I had a friend in the same situation, but he was the "husband looking at porn" ... my information is from the husband's perspective and experiences.
Essentially, he was doing the same thing as what your husband is doing right now, his wife caught him. She turned him (& his computer) over to the authorities. He was arrested, tried, and convicted of child pornography. He spent 2 years in prison. He is now divorced.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Starlet said:


> Right people let's get some things straight. Firstly I came on here because I needed to voice my worries thoughts and suspicions. just to reiterate my husband LOOKS at photos of 16+ girls he DOES NOT have sex with them. He has PHONED massage parlours NOT visited them.


On this board, we are feminists. So, we encourage divorce as an option of first resort to empower women and marginalize men. To encourage divorce, we must redefine adultery and abuse, which most people agree with allowing divorce over, to mean anything and everything. So, looking at pictures=cheating. Cheating=divorce. Finding a young porn actress with flawless features and surgically enhanced breasts sexy makes your wife feel self-conscious. Feeling self-conscious=emotional abuse. Abuse=divorce. Therefore, you can divorce with a clean conscience.



> DIVORCE is not an option as I no longer work full time so therefore would have no income to support myself or my son who has just started college.


Under marriage 2.0, divorce is always an option. Legally, you are entitled to collect cash and prizes from him now and for years into the future. Perhaps for the rest of your life.



> YES his behaviour is extremely worrying and as I said he has an ADDICTION.


I agree that his behavior is troubling. I'm not familiar enough with either his behavior, or addiction, to diagnose him as being an addict. However, as another poster said, being attracted to younger women and watching porn starring them is common. It's nothing more than fantasy. But trolling Facebook and calling massage parlors are early steps to making the fantasy real. That's troubling.

I can't say if he's gone beyond the early steps and had sex yet. Hopefully not. But you should be wary of the possibility. I would certainly be monitoring his computer and phone activity to determine how far along he is in making his fantasies real.



> And as for the market being for females under 30 rubbish I was still modelling until I was 42.


My mistake. I assumed that, just because most of the advertisements in all visual media star younger women, and the fact that most of the primary jobs in television, movies, and on the runway go to younger women, that younger women were more commonly seen as more attractive and more employable in those fields. My mistake. The patriarchy can even warp our perceptions of reality to make things seem different than they really are.

Along those lines, I wonder why the photographers who photoshop the images in print ads always try to make the models appear younger and thinner? Since older women are just as attractive, or perhaps more attractive, than younger women, why wouldn't the photographers be adding wrinkles, sags, and pounds rather than taking them away? Curious.



> So it's not that he doesn't find me attractive in fact he is very jealousy and all this stems from an older mans insecurities due to the fact that he is getting older and younger women are more easily manipulated than old birds like myself...... Rant over


I never said that he wouldn't find you attractive. I simply thought that he might find younger women attractive as well. I know that I can find many women sexually appealing. The fact that I think Kate Upton is sexually appealing has no bearing on the fact that I find my wife sexually appealing as well.

Anyway, I wish you luck with your husband. And I hope I've explained some of our posts on this thread.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

If your husband did an about face and turned his life around thats one thing, but it doesn't look like thats gonna happen. Do not be a reinforcer of his behavior by staying. He has a sickness and needs serious professional help, you can't fix him or make him all better.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

trey69 said:


> If your husband did an about face and turned his life around thats one thing, but it doesn't look like thats gonna happen. Do not be a reinforcer of his behavior by staying. He has a sickness and needs serious professional help, you can't fix him or make him all better.


:iagree:

Based on his level of disrespect , I doubt that he will change even if he hasn't physically cheated on her , and based on his behaviour, I think he has.

She's basically enabling him, and I suspect that she has been doing so for quite a while.

The teen porn is just the final straw.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Based on his level of disrespect , I doubt that he will change even if he hasn't physically cheated on her , and based on his behaviour, I think he has.
> 
> ...


And this was the issue which I stated to her. It's one thing if she wants to enable him to cheat by swallowing his idiotic excuse for calling massage parlours. Whatever, she's not the only one to do that.

The biggest issue is that she could well be enabling him to prey on underage girls. And the big reason given: because money is an issue.


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## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

I agree and sympathise with the OP that divorce isn't an option.

Too many people say, I would divorce him if he or she did this, etc etc.

Marriage is work, and when you have kids, kids come first. Let's try to help her out.

My wife would throw me out if I blatently collect images of teens, call massage parlours and watch teen porn. I admire your love and respect for this man.

I love women and love beautiful women. It's human nature for men to love pretty girls but within boundaries too.

However, counselling must happen and happen fast. If he loves you, he must delete these pictures of teens. He obviously masterbates to these pictures or he wouldn't keep them. Phone sex with massage parlours has to end.

As far as porn goes, He must keep that to himself and not advertise it. The odd time I watch porn, I want to see young pretty girls, mostly amateur stuff having sex with their boyfriends. I don't like the MILF stuff, not my thing. Most women in porn are exploited by sleazy agents, directors, etc so my heart goes out for some of them.

I am a bit of an exibitionist myself and always wanted to make a film but it's not my wife's thing and I respect that so I have no problem if a girl and her boyfriend make a sex tape if it's something they are both into.

Your husband is oversexed. Please answer:

1) How often do the 2 of you have sex?
2) Do you dress sexy for your man?
3) Do you buy lingerie often?
4) Have you tried phone sex with him?


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