# A divorce 'agreement' is only worth the paper it is written on...



## itscomplicatedforsure (May 30, 2013)

When we divorced, the ex and I came to a settlement agreement through working with our attorneys. The divorce was final over a year and a half ago, and he has failed to take care of his obligations as outlined in the settlement. I did so within 2 months of the divorce becoming final. I am now spending money I don't have to 'enforce' an existing court order. The system sucks, my ex sucks, and I wish I had known half of what I know now before I signed the settlement papers. 
For all of you going down that road, be careful what you agree to. 
Not sorry I got the divorce, just sorry I married who I did to begin with....


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

itscomplicatedforsure said:


> For all of you going down that road, be careful what you agree to.


That's a good point but not really the reason you've got problems.

It's not what you agreed to, it's the fact that the system is so slow, inefficient, and expensive that even if you've got an agreement that you can live with, if the other party doesn't honor their promises, it sometimes isn't worth the time, effort, aggravation and expense to go after them.

One thing to consider that if he's found in contempt, in many jurisdictions he'll have to pay your legal fees along with anything else he owes you or he'll face jail time. 



itscomplicatedforsure said:


> Not sorry I got the divorce, just sorry I married who I did to begin with....


Next time don't get married. I know I won't.


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## itscomplicatedforsure (May 30, 2013)

lenzi said:


> That's a good point but not really the reason you've got problems.
> 
> It's not what you agreed to, it's the fact that the system is so slow, inefficient, and expensive that even if you've got an agreement that you can live with, if the other party doesn't honor their promises, it sometimes isn't worth the time, effort, aggravation and expense to go after them.
> 
> ...


No worries there. Who needs it.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

itscomplicatedforsure said:


> For all of you going down that road, be careful what you agree to.


What would you have done differently? What advice can you give? I want to divorce but am scared that I don't know what to do/not do. I don't want to end up in a bad situation.


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## itscomplicatedforsure (May 30, 2013)

ebp123 said:


> What would you have done differently? What advice can you give? I want to divorce but am scared that I don't know what to do/not do. I don't want to end up in a bad situation.


Well, obviously, I am no expert. And I only have my own experience to base it on, but I can share that. 

*Any credit card debt? Deal with it before the divorce.* 
We didn't have a lot, but in the settlement split what we had 50/50, except for one card that was totally his (legal fees). Within 6 weeks of the divorce being made final, I had opened a new card in my name and transferred the 1/2 that I was ordered to pay to that card. Now 18 months after the divorce, he has not done so, and has made multiple late payments. The credit card companies do not care what the divorce settlement says. My name is on the accounts, it affects my credit, and I have collectors calling me for payment.

*Child support? Insist that it be paid through the court system.* 
He agreed to pay more support than required to allow me to stay in the house and avoid trying to sell a house that needs lots of work. At the time of our divorce, the market was really bad, and it would have taken forever to sell, and likely at a loss. He needed the equity I would owe him if I stayed to buy a house, and I was okay with staying with the extra support so that I could afford it. We had a very difficult time reaching an agreement, and one sticking point was that he did NOT want the child support garnished from his wages. Too embarrassing for him for some reason (misplaced pride, which I guess was one of many issues in the marriage.) My attorney convinced me to allow the ex to pay me directly. Well, he stopped paying, now I have to go through the hoops to enforce an existing court order (the divorce settlement). 

Bottom line, just because it's 'ordered' to happen in the divorce decree, someone has to enforce it if it doesn't, which means attorney fees for the party trying to get it enforced. 

My decree also states that whoever doesn't abide by the terms of the divorce decree must pay the attorney fees incurred by the other party. But, again, if they don't pay, you have to find a way to make them pay. More fees.

I would have definitely done things differently had I know how it all worked (Yeah right, works. The system doesn't work, it is BROKEN.).

I am over it all, and just want to move on. There is nothing civil left in this relationship, and never will be.


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