# Feels like, life in limbo after divorce.



## Uded (May 11, 2009)

Separated Nov. 2013 divorced Feb. 2014. Although I've been divorced 7 months, I feel like my life has been in constant limbo or indefinite purgatory. I've read several websites on divorce, currently referencing a book called "The Guys Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce," and talked to friends who have been through divorce themselves.

What I want to know is when should I start dating again? One source says, one month for every year I've been married, which comes out to 15 months. Another source says wait 2 years and finally several source says it does not matter how long I've been divorced start dating now.

I've tried dating websites and what I've learned from these dating websites is, these woman/girls can't meet a guy for a reason. Either they are too young, immature, desperate, and I pretty sure I contracted mono from one of them. 

I'm not opposed to getting remarried but I don't want to go through divorce again. I can look back on my first marriage and I know what went wrong and what I did wrong. 

What I would like to know is what has worked for other people? What are the pit falls they have faced?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Seems to be a very individual thing and up to each person differently.

Some people here seem to jump straight back on the horse within mths , others need a few yrs or at least 12mths. Some 3 or 4 or 5 yrs.
Me it's coming up to 2yrs now. Although l did meet someone earlier and was with her briefly , also messed around on date sites just lately and have met plenty. But l do feel up until now it's just been too soon for me.
Too much to come to terms with , figure out .

At this stage right now though , from here on , l feel l could welcome something new , even serious. Like as if l'd be ready now but at the same time l'm still in no hurry.
l am very glad though l didn't get tangled up again any earlier than this though .
So now , l'll see what life brings along from here l guess.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Uded,

There is no "right time" to start dating again that works for everyone who gets a divorce. Each situation is different.

My advice is to date when you feel ready and when you are over your ex. 

I attempted to "date" when I wasn't over my divorce yet and it was not good. I wasn't emotionally available or ready at all for that. Not fair to me or the guy I was going out with. So I put a break on it and probably didn't go out with someone again for another year or year and a half.
It took me a LONG time before I felt even ready to take that step, dating. and I was fine with that. Cause I really needed to just mull through what happened and be on my own for a bit. It did me a world of good.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

:iagree:

And am slightly offended as I've been on those dating sites! 

But based on your comment you sound pretty young. Maybe young girls on websites are more indicative of a problem.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Sorry for your loss.

This may sound a little hedonistic but your post sounds like you could use some companionship and affection. Even a couple rebounds as long as you are honest will get you back on track for more serious relationships if that is what you decide you want.

Have you looked into Meetup.com as a way to meet people without the dating pressure?

You can have a blast,
Stretch


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## Uded (May 11, 2009)

EnjoliWoman said:


> :iagree:
> 
> And am slightly offended as I've been on those dating sites!
> 
> But based on your comment you sound pretty young. Maybe young girls on websites are more indicative of a problem.


My comment wasn't to offend anyone who uses dating websites. From my point of veiw and what I experienced with dating websites is, the types of females I met on the dating websites were the type(s) I described in my initial posting. As for "too young," anybody under the age of 30 is too young for me. I was married for 15 years. I'm in my late thirties, so I'm no spring chicken, but my party bar hopping days are way behind me. Most of the girls in their 20's haven't had children yet and are, in my opinion, trolling for a husband to have kids with. I don't want to start a another family or start one at this stage in life. I already have 2 young kids and although I see them half the time they still keep me busy. So I don't understand the comment, "Maybe young girls on websites are more indicative of a problem."


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Mono?!?


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## Uded (May 11, 2009)

nice777guy said:


> Mono?!?


There are two ways to contract Mono. One is through kissing. The other you can Google and find out for yourself. The person I am pretty sure I contracted Mono from is the only person I kissed and did other things with since my divorce. I did meet her on match.com


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

For what it's worth, I'm on about the same timeline as you and feeling about the same way. Yesterday, I asked my therapist about this very topic. I was concerned because I don't want to get stuck in limbo. Her response was basically, "it's normal, you're still grieving".


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

I know the stats are pretty pessimistic in regard to second marriages failing. However, there are quite a few couples that I know who remarried (and remain very happy) after a previous divorce. Honestly, I don't think anyone would be wise to enter in to another marriage without really good marriage counseling though. There are even a lot of books out there on helping you recover from divorce and get your emotions and life stable again before you enter in to a serious, possibly marital, relationship. I wish you great happiness and hope especially that you find a loving and faithful wife to share you life with.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I wouldn't let the thought of marriage even start to cross your mind for a long time. As for dating, try the old-fashioned way of meeting potential dates. And don't put pressure on yourself. Your life is not in limbo -- it's resetting so don't rush it.


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

Based on 1 month per year, that makes 2.5 years for me not to date. Does not sound all that ridiculous, although I have met a girl I really do want to ask out however I will not as I know I am not ready to. 

Wisdom I guess or just figuring myself out. First time in my life I have no responsibilities but to myself. I know what happened int he past to my marriage. In my heart I will know when I will be ready to start the process, in the meantime, I educate myself and refocus on what is important. Being happy with myself. Simple.

I hope every one does this as I believe it is the key.


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## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

Uded said:


> My comment wasn't to offend anyone who uses dating websites.


I think your comment is pretty valid re. picking up mono.or any viral infection. It crossed my mind myself recently..apparently, according to my medical relatives, it is true that you could end up getting meningitis / or encephalitis from close encounters with random dates whom you wouldn't know their medical history of. 

Was seeing a very intelligent and interesting scholar of late but I did notice some change in his nails which may suggest some undisclosed chronic illness. This somewhat put me off to put it bluntly.


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