# pls advise



## eno (May 16, 2010)

My husband used to approach me for sex.but I noticed for like almost a year now,I have been the one initiating sex.though,when I do he responds very well and sex is still gr8.what I just dnt knw is y he does not make d move like he used to.I hav tried askin him,at first when we discussed it,he said its cos he hates being rejected,as in when am not in d mood.so he wld rather wait till I show interest.and I dnt tink it is fair for him to say dat bcos I only turned hom down on 2 occasions wen I was preg for my first child and in d first trimester I was worried cos I even spotted.afta dat time I hav never refused him.dat was like 2yrs back.dis year wen I aasked again y he ardly ever initiates sex,he says its bcos he enjoys sex better when I enjoy it.so if d sacrifice is to wait till am in d mood (dats wen I initiate it)he does not mind.he tinks I shld be happy with the arrangement.but its not good for my ego and it bothers me cos I feel if he still desires me as he used to,he shld not always wait for me to initiate d sex.so if in 2wks I dnt make d move he can actually stay witout sex?but sex is still gr8 btw us and he responds fast wen I do approach him.do u think am justified to be bothered?
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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

This is a typical game couples end up playing.

You may have only turned him down *outright *twice, but perhaps there were times where you went along with it, but seemed less than red hot?

So his solution was along the lines of "I'll let her come to me". And of course it works really well for a while. And this is why:

In the majority of stable relationships the man does all the pushing and asking for sex. The women is sometimes going along with it out of duty - even if she enjoys it once it get going. However, if the man waits for the woman to ask, then because she is reserved about asking, she will not ask until she is desperate for sex. This guarantees a good time for all, becuase there is nothing as hot as two enthusiastic sex starved people.

There are only two problems with this.

1) It might only happen once a month for some couples.
2) Eventually the woman will wonder if she is attractive.


I bet you liked the reduction of pressure to start with?


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## eno (May 16, 2010)

MarkTwain said:


> This is a typical game couples end up playing.
> 
> You may have only turned him down *outright *twice, but perhaps there were times where you went along with it, but seemed less than red hot?
> 
> ...


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## eno (May 16, 2010)

No mark am not happy with the redction in pressure.I jst want to knw he still desires me!


MarkTwain said:


> This is a typical game couples end up playing.
> 
> You may have only turned him down *outright *twice, but perhaps there were times where you went along with it, but seemed less than red hot?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eno (May 16, 2010)

[UOTE=MarkTwain;155478]This is a typical game couples end up playing.

You may have only turned him down *outright *twice, but perhaps there were times where you went along with it, but seemed less than red hot?

So his solution was along the lines of "I'll let her come to me". And of course it works really well for a while. And this is why:

In the majority of stable relationships the man does all the pushing and asking for sex. The women is sometimes going along with it out of duty - even if she enjoys it once it get going. However, if the man waits for the woman to ask, then because she is reserved about asking, she will not ask until she is desperate for sex. This guarantees a good time for all, becuase there is nothing as hot as two enthusiastic sex starved people.

There are only two problems with this.

1) It might only happen once a month for some couples.
2) Eventually the woman will wonder if she is attractive.


I bet you liked the reduction of pressure to start with?[/QUOTE]

No mark,I did not.I just want to knw he still desires me!cos I dnt like d idea of being d one to always ask for sex!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Well... you could try being super enthusiastic and say things like, "we must do this more often". It will probably shift round again at some point.


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## eno (May 16, 2010)

ok,thanks mark,will give this a try
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Eno, My husband was similar to your husband, as earlier in our marraige I was more interested in other things (reading, kids, etc) he felt rejected by me (but kept this hurt to himself). 

I also only verbally turned him down maybe a handful of occasions. I think his trying to get me aroused where it would sometimes take an hour did not help him feel any better. Sounds like you are not as bad as I WAS, but it took a toll on him emotionally & because he is SUCH a Pleaser, he mostly waited till I approached him. (About once a week) , he was frustrated with this but really didn't talk to me about it. 

My husband is very sensitive so he allowed this to hinder him sexually. He is also very passive. If your husband is like mine, then it all makes sense. All of this only came out --after I started asking him how he used to feel -cause things are so vastly different now. 

It was only when my sex drive went UP that I ever realized I was having a problem with this (how you described your feelings). Us as women WANT to be pursued and felt like we are desired above all. 

My answer- TRust he still wants you if he is telling you he does- and if the sex is great when you are having it -this is proof he is enjoying himself. Try to become the Seductress you ARE -and eventually (as it did for us), it will probably help him overcome any insecurities about approaching you, give him MUCH verbal feedback to how much you enjoy & want him. 

For us, after feeling similar to you for a time, we both overcame some of the hurt feelings we were having (him feeling afraid to get rejected -since that lasted way longer than my new found Love of anything sexual -and me feeling he did not desire me). 

Communicate how you feel, pursue learning what turns him on (lingerie, certain positions, bj's etc) and act on that and see how he responds. You said he responds FAST - so just keep going for it! I know for my husband, if I was not totally in the mood back in the day, the act was somewhat shallow for him -he is a Pleaser at heart, so this was paramount for him. 

YOUR passion might be all he needs!


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