# sexting



## getting through (Aug 13, 2012)

Ok, So I need help with this. The other day while my husband was texting me that he was on his way home I received a unsusual text definately NOT meant for me. . " just got home laying in bed hard wishing you were here". Well needless to say if he is on his way home he definately isnt talkng to me, so i text back what ?? After a long delay hey text back auto correct lol. Well hello I'm Not an idiot. well after a few lies this man who I love with my whole heart confesses to texting multiple women from various websites, And that some he has given his phone number he has been doing this our whole relationship. He tells me he has fantasy lives he pretends to be all different kinds of people. The women are all different ages young to old, and that he has never met any of them while he has made promises t meet them and has even told them he loves them. Place my completely broken heart here.
well anyway the next day I get the phone bill and call one of these girls Only one had the balls to answer and in the end i found my self feeling bad for her she was in the love with this mposter. She had no idea he had a wife and family they had been talking for three months but he must have become bored with her because he hadnt texted he in over a month. 
Well anyway things got really bad around here I acually punched him in his face several times and called his parents to come get him. his reason for this was addiction to texting or sexting and that none of that means anythin to him that me and the kids are his life he confessed to me that his whole life he has always had some kind of addiction drugs alcohol video games always picking up a new addiction to cure his other one.
I love this man with all I am and his smile can melt my heart he has asked for my forgiveness and swears to stop he said he will seek help and his sister is helping him with that. He changed his phone number and closed down his facebbok and other social media sites. He said that I did nothing to cause this that no one knew and now that it is all out in the open he feels nothing but shame and regret. Can he be helped can we rebuild the tust that has been broken?


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

He needs help with his addictive behavior.

You need help with your violent reactions.

You should both be in counseling.


----------



## turtle05lj (Aug 13, 2012)

I agree.

I have a very addictive personality as well. Through counseling (and the ever important continued counseling) I have learned how to cope with it. He will need this counseling for the rest of his life if his personality is such (which it sounds like he does). 

I used to be the kind of person that shunned the word counseling but see now how it can help a person and definitely a relationship even in the happy healthy stages.

Best of luck to you!!


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> He needs help with his addictive behavior.
> 
> You need help with your violent reactions.
> 
> You should both be in counseling.


Counseling...








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

getting through said:


> Well anyway things got really bad around here I acually punched him in his face several times and called his parents to come get him.


  

See some people see sexting as just another form of porn, normally pictures are shared, skype maybe aswell.

Are you certain he didn't meet any for sex?

It most likely didn't mean anything to him.

He did cough up well he couldn't really get out of it could he, what was his true intentions only he knows, if this is or was his only vice than that is not to bad.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm thinking it's time for a time out on your marriage. You need time to sort out how you feel about what happened and he needs time to establish he's serious about changing his behaviour. There may be a lot more going on here than you're aware of at this point. If he's truly 'addicted' he won't stop just by deciding to stop. He'll need to get to the root of why he's doing it and deal with those issues.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

AGREE AGREE

You both need counseling.

Punched him in the face a few times...I would have punched you right back.

And begging for YOU to take him back.

Hate to say this...but you both have issues that need to be worked out with a therapist.


----------



## turtle05lj (Aug 13, 2012)

A little off topic but ...

He didn't call the cops on you for hitting him? Would you have called them on him had he punched you in the face?

An interesting issue with some folks. I used to work in DV so I always ask women that hit men this question. Happens way more than people let on. Assuming because men don't want to admit they let a girl hit them.


----------



## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Do you have an anger problem regularly? If not, I wouldn't worry about hitting him. You probably wasn't thinking too clearly when you found out your husband is carrying on in EA's with multiple partners your whole relationship. I'm not advocating violence but I can't honestly say I wouldn't be violent towards my husband if he was cheating on me so many times through our whole marriage. Only you know if anger is part of your regular life or not.

You should get counseling though. Finding this out has to really hurt. You also need to figure out if you can live with this betrayal or not. Individual counseling can help you do that. If you do decide to stay you should demand marriage counseling and full transparency in your relationship. Also, he needs to be fully remorseful for the pain and anguish he's caused you. That will be the only way you can learn to trust him again.


----------



## getting through (Aug 13, 2012)

nO ACTUALLY HE DID NOT CALL THE POLICE AND NEITHER DID I SINCE THE YOUNG WOMAN HE WAS TEXTING WAS SIXTEEN. WHEN I SPOKE WITH HER SHE DID INFORM ME THAT SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS 19


----------



## getting through (Aug 13, 2012)

No I do not have a anger issue. I have never hit a person in my entire life other than in self defense in a previous relationship. I honestly do feel awful for using violence since I teach my daughters that violence is never aan option and to walk away. 
Its been a week today and all I wanna do is put this in our past. He has voluntarily put a thing on his phone that sends all of his actions on his phone and computer to my email . He changed his phone number and deleted his social media accounts. He says he will never d anything like this again. He has made an appointment with a mental health provider to try to deal with his addiction issues. In turn I have told him how deeply this has hurt or marriage as well as our friendship, I have agreed to not look at the next phone bill as to not step backwards in my own healing. I truly believe in forgiveness and that anger will eat a person alive. Letting go of the anger is the easiest part me and I know with time the heart ache will go away.Its the trust that I dont know where to begin, and I dont want his stuff sent to my email. I guess it to will come in time. Understanding how this happened is hard because we have an amazing relationship our sex life is great .We have never spent a night apart even through this I tried to sleep on the sofa and woke up to him by my side. All I guess we can do is heal and work together to help him with his addictive personality I dont want him tp redirect this int something else. Although maybe an addiction to doing laundry might be good lol. Sorry this is long but I rally wanted to say That I am sorry for hitting him.


----------



## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

I'm very happy fro both of you that you are working through this and he is getting help. I wish you both the best.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Umm, based on your last post I think you're on the bumpy train ride to wasted life.

This guy needs REAL counseling. What he's doing right now is a brief period of remorse where he'll do everything right. a few days/weeks/months from now he'll be doing it all over again, or have substituted it for something else. This is like a crack addiction, one doesn't just stop without serious intervention.

Second, "not looking at the phone bill" sounds like a good idea, however I feel like you are disguising the healing process with denial. You MUST look at the phone bill, because there's a strong possibility he's going to do this again. In fact, he's probably going to go underground with it. What's to stop him from getting a $40 prepaid phone from walmart and texting on that?

Trust isn't rebuilt in a day, this will not be a quick fix. Things will not get resolved without extreme struggle. I had to learn the hard way that if a change of heart and mind is really sudden, it's probably just a show. A good sign would be him in counseling, telling you that he is really struggling with not texting, with some signs of him backsliding or talking about backsliding, but being open and honest about it.

Last, you're trying to understand the "why" of an addictive personality. You can't. People who get addicted to destructive things don't make cost/benefit analyses of their life. People lose houses, jobs, spouses, kids, for hits on crack pipes or bottles of vodka EVERY DAY. Don't ask why he would do it, it's irrelevant. You could be Mother Theresa or the biggest b*tch on the planet, it doesn't matter, he's still doing it and it wouldn't affect the outcome either way.

I would strongly suggest YOU go to counseling, and probably check out CoDA too (codependency anonymous). Because you aren't going to be honest enough with yourself until you realize you have a problem as well. A normal healthy person would not be sticking around this relationship, not without severe consequences and strict boundaries.


----------



## Hira (Aug 16, 2012)

Such addiction are difficult to remove but you can do it by attracting more towards you and satisfy his need more.


----------

