# NC for nearly 8 months.....then.....



## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

*NC for nearly 8 months....Update, im in trouble. *

I get a FB message. Nothing major, just a "hi, how are you" kinda deal. I replied that I was doing pretty well, and we exchanged a few pleasantries. He said that he was very proud of all that I have accomplished (and it's true that I've worked very hard and come very far.)

I had been doing MUCH better. I wasn't even thinking about him every day. And a few back and forths brought all the feelings flooding back like it was yesterday.

Why would he contact me now after all this time? I'm thinking he wants something. I just don't know. Not sure if I'm happy or wishing I had just ignored the message....


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

About a year and a half ago, I got a phone call from out of the blue one day from a guy I'd loved nearly twenty-five years earlier. He told me he had spent time and money to find me because he was still in love with me. Now, keep in mind that we weren't ever really together because he was married at the time, and we stopped seeing each other because the wife he was divorcing announced she was pregnant and he felt he owed it to the child to be there. We never spoke after that discussion until his phone call.

Even though I was a couple of weeks away from my own marriage to my husband, and even though he deserves every single ounce of love and loyalty I have to offer, and even though I put the phone on speaker and he heard the entire phone call with that person.... It rocked me to the core for a few days. 

I totally knew that the guy and I would not be a good couple today. I also knew that I am right where I want to be. 

Yet it put SOO many thoughts into my head and I had to just let them get entertained for a while and then go away. 

Don't worry about your brief FB exchange. Let your thoughts go where they want to, whether that means fantasizing that you'll get back with the person or letting yourself remember why you're apart. In time, the answers are all going to come clear.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Ahhhhh! That is WONDERFUL advice. Thank you! 

He did say that he would text me (still had my number, so he says) as soon as "he gets a new phone." But I'm not holding my breath. Not sure I really and truly want to open up this can of worms.

But I sure have been fantasizing like mad about us getting back together for the past couple of days. It's a happy feeling, even though we ended kinda badly. I', pretty sure it won't actually happen, and that's ok too. But it's good to hear someone else think that it's ok for me to feel rocked. Cause rocked I am.

Hoping it all goes away in a few days, I think.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Weeks maybe. lol


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## xirokx (Aug 14, 2012)

my ex sent me a "happy birthday, all the best" on my birthday....I asked who it was and she replied with her name...I never replied

Like I said to her the day I left (upon finding out she had made "friends" with a male coworker as well as other stuff)....."who needs enemies when I have friends like her"

Keep the past where it belongs especially if there was heartache etc and dont forget, we all make mistakes but to to make the same mistake twice, means we have not learnt..


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Well, I was just about over the whole thing when low and behold.....he texted me.

Now I'm back in a tailspin.  

I still have feelings for him. He wants to see me. We made a date to get together very soon but then I cancelled. It was causing me too much anxiety....

I KNOW that there can never be anything between us. I KNOW what he wants out of "seeing" me. I am not the type to really mind that, because I have "seen" others too with no intention of having a relationship. But I'm scared my feelings will get in the way if we "see" each other. I have dated, but been single for almost a year because of the hurt he caused me.

I had mostly let him go. I was on my way to believing that maybe one day I would allow myself to fall in love again. And he's come back into the picture and screwed it up again. It makes me feel pathetic and weak.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

What is so wrong with me that I refuse to let this go? It's been almost a year since we "split." Sigh....


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## xirokx (Aug 14, 2012)

I can so relate to what you are saying....I am in a similar position, its also almost been a year for me too since she left...

I think you just need more time to do your own thing and not be in contact with him...

You need more time to grieve and allow yourself to get over the past...

Its such a catch 22 in that you know you dont want to go back and know you cant but maybe its because the lack of other things going on in your life that is keeping you in the past?

That is my problem I am not saying its yours...

Like when I am out and about or when I went off travelling for a few months I never once thought about the past in the way I do now.

Hang in there, its great you can see where you are at and maybe you need to dig more deeper to totally get rid of him...Again I know its easier said then done...


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

GA Heart-Is this the guy you were out of synch with in your I love you's to one another? If so and you're not involved and he's not involved why not open the lines of communication more? Maybe if you both go slower you can be a little more on the same page this time.That's if I'm even talking about the right guy.lol


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Thank you xIROKx. At least I know I'm not alone, although I hate you are having to deal with this too!

And yes, TBT, this is the one in the same from my "Just Friends" post last October. That is when my heart was broken. And it hasn't recovered since. 

The problem is I don't think either of us are ready for a relationship yet. We were both fresh out of 10+ year marriages at the time and I suppose you could say we were each others rebounds. But I never imagined my heart would continue to call out for him like this.... 

I have dated other men, some really wanted a relationship and I even tried to find feelings for them. They were good, worthy, wonderful men. And I felt nothing. I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck on this guy forever, which will kill any opportunity of finding anything lasting. 

I've cried every day, several times a day for the past 3 days. I hate this.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> I have dated other men, some really wanted a relationship and I even tried to find feelings for them. They were good, worthy, wonderful men. And I felt nothing. I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck on this guy forever, which will kill any opportunity of finding anything lasting.


How do you know he hasn't been going through the same thing over the course of time? If you're feeling so bad now what have you got to lose by at least seeing him one more time to get a clearer picture of where his thoughts are and what his intent is towards you? I know a couple of post back you said that he probably wanted to only meet for one reason,but can you be sure and anyway I'm sure you value yourself more than to let that happen.I mean you care about this guy for a reason,so do you think his character is such that this would be his only reason for contact? If he's that shallow of a person then you're better off not pining over him. Personally,I'd take the chance as you may be suffering needlessly.Take care.


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## coreyallenl (Sep 26, 2012)

I totally knew that the guy and I would not be a good couple today.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Oh TBT, I love your optimism. 

Sadly, I fell in love with the person he showed to me. I know he is capable of being that person, but he truly is just a player at this point in time, anyway. I am better off not pining over him and I know it.

But I am. I want to know WHY he contacted me! (And all he tells me is "I don't know, because I wanted to.") He has plenty of tail to chose from where he lives (we are in bordering states.) I swear he's just a collector..... But I can't seem to let him go.


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