# My Story- I Need Your Advice Please?! (~.~)



## Love to Know (Feb 24, 2010)

My Story: I am a 39 year old female. Have been married 12 years. I did not marry for love. Mistake. I married with the intent to fall more in love, to devote myself to this marriage. Upon marrying, I discovered my husband had a bad temper. This caused me to not feel safe or loved. I distanced myself. I chugged along thinking things would someday change. This has continued until 6 months ago. He confessed he has been unfaithful by visiting establishments for sexual favors. He said he did not feel satisifed with our sex life since he could tell I did not love him, I did not give myself to him completely during sex, i.e. I did not kiss a lot, did not want a lot of caressing from him. Merely a robotic act. Yuck for me and for him. I wanted it to be different. We have 3 young children. Complicates a divorce BIG TIME. Here is my question. Upon learning of his unfaithfulness, I asked him if he would give me some time, as if being separated (tho still living together for the children's sakes). I asked him to not touch me, not give me any attention at all, no hugs or kisses. HE HAS NOT RESPECTED ME AT ALL. He has pressured me to forgive him. He has continued to try to touch me, give me attention. Should I feel aggravated about this? He has made promises. To work on his bad temper, to never be unfaithful again. I have not loved him for our entire marriage. I was not hurt when I found out he was unfaithful. If it were not for the kids, I would be divorced. I have taken care of my babies 24/7 since their birth, he has not. I feel it would harm them to be without me 3 days a week (he wants joint custody, he is a good dad when he's not the "other" person, but he has never harmed them). Second question. I am not attracted to him, and so I do not want to have sex with him. If I stay with him for the kids, do I continue to not enjoy sex???? Ugh. I am so tired of that. This is a start. I welcome any questions. I am very excited to hear some constructive advice. Many thanks! (~.~)


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

If it doesnt bother you at all that he was unfaithful, maybe an open marriage would work well for you? Maybe it would work for him to be able to get his sexual favors and you can stay together?


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## Love to Know (Feb 24, 2010)

Yuck! LOL Thanks for the suggestion tho. (~.~)


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## Oceancity (Feb 27, 2010)

I understand the sex thing. I feel that way--it's like having sex with a brother, yuck for me! You need to get out. I'm learning every moment that I'm not happy and picturing myself alone with my kids--well, I'm happier, I can see that. You should plan to leave. Can you afford to live on your own?


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## ndfrnt (Mar 1, 2010)

I'm also 39, with two children and contemplating divorce. Your situation at home sound similiar. I've been unhappy for years, and am trying to decide what course of action to take. I can relate with the "not wanting to be touched." For me, when the trust "vanished" so did the feelings of intamacy. But, my experience has been that he "doen't get it." I'm a firm believer in having an "exit strategy." Especially since their are children involved. Do you work outside the home? Have a separate bank account? Talked with your immediate family about your intensions? These are things I've done to "prepare for the worst."


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