# I need help.



## thegriz1984 (Dec 4, 2013)

Okay, so I've been married for almost eight years and my Wife and I are on the verge of divorce. One of our major issues is our parenting style. I believe that spanking is necessary, while she wants to baby her. For instance our Daughter(5 yrs) has a habit of not responding/ignoring us(mainly me) until I either get in her face or physically force her to listen and do as I say. My Wifes response to this is to stop me and yell at me in front of our Daughter. I believe this is counter-productive and only hurts the situation. I've talked to her about this and I've repeatedly said "If we can meet some where in the middle and tackle our daughters behavior issues it would improve our relationship". The problem is she doesn't want to budge. 
My other issues are that I literally do everything around the house...cleaning, dishes, dinner, laundry, mowing, etc. I've asked her repeatedly to help me and she usually gives me a excuse as to why she can't or couldn't do anything. I understand that she works midnights but, I don't think asking her to throw her laundry in a basket or making sure her dishes end up in the sink is asking a lot.

I know that you are only hearing one side of the story, but I really need help with how to deal/cope with this. If you need more details please ask and I will respond when I can. Thank you so much.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

thegriz1984 said:


> One of our major issues is our parenting style. I believe that spanking is necessary,


Wrong.

Physical abuse is never justified.

In some areas you could actually be arrested for neglect and you could lose access to your children for hitting them.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

thegriz1984 said:


> My other issues are that I literally do everything around the house...cleaning, dishes, dinner, laundry, mowing, etc. I've asked her repeatedly to help me and she usually gives me a excuse as to why she can't or couldn't do anything. I understand that she works midnights but, I don't think asking her to throw her laundry in a basket or making sure her dishes end up in the sink is asking a lot.


That blows. So she's just lazy?

If you don't do the dishes or the laundry would it just pile up?

Maybe just wash your own clothing.


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## thegriz1984 (Dec 4, 2013)

Okay, I understand that "abuse" is never justified but as I said I'm will to meet in the middle.


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## thegriz1984 (Dec 4, 2013)

Yeah, if I didn't do dishes or laundry she would just leave it for me to do. I've tried just doing my dishes and laundry and she doesn't seem to care until she has run out of clothing and then she will complain until I can't take it anymore and do it anyways.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

You might want to check on spanking with the laws in your state. Its changed a lot in the last 10 years. I've read it and it explicitly says what is a spank and what is abuse. I personally don't think that spanking your child is wrong as long as it is not physical abuse or excessive. There are also many ways to not spank but get your message across to the child. You may want to consider taking some classes together with your wife.

Secondly, yes you two need to be on the same page. Unfortunately I only wanted kids but never had any. Stick around though there are many here that can help.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

thegriz1984 said:


> Yeah, if I didn't do dishes or laundry she would just leave it for me to do. I've tried just doing my dishes and laundry and she doesn't seem to care until she has run out of clothing and then she will complain until I can't take it anymore and do it anyways.


Well then as I see it you have two choices.

Do the chores or learn to deal with her complaining that you don't do them.

There are deeper issues here than a pile of dirty clothes and dishes. 

What reasons (or "excuses") does she give that seems to justify you doing all of the chores and her doing none?

Including work hours, commuting, and child care are your responsibilities about evenly divided? 

If not, and she has less free time, well then maybe she's got a point.

If so, does she suffer from any medical conditions that prevent her from doing her fair share of the household responsibilities?

Was she always like this or was it a sudden change?


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## thegriz1984 (Dec 4, 2013)

lenzi said:


> What reasons (or "excuses") does she give that seems to justify you doing all of the chores and her doing none?
> 
> Including work hours, commuting, and child care are your responsibilities about evenly divided?
> 
> ...


Like I said she works midnight. But on the nights she work all I ask is that she pick up after herself. On her days off I'll ask her to straighten up the house or do the dishes. But when I come home from school/work none of it is done and she will come up with an excuse as to why it could not be done. So then I will end up doing it when I get done while she sits on her butt and ask if I'm mad.
She doesn't have any physical ailments and i believe we split child care about 60/40, 40 being me. As I said though I'm busy with the chores around the house.
In the first few years she helped a lot but in the last four years she has been this way.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I don't know what "works midnights" means in terms of total number of hours.

Can't this be something you discuss in counseling and have a qualified 3rd party discuss a possible compromise in your parenting styles and chore resolution?

Divorce seems to be a rather extreme solution to what appears to be (relative to your typical marriage with cheating, and mental problems, and financial disparities to name a few), not such a major issue.


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## thegriz1984 (Dec 4, 2013)

We have gone to a marriage counselor, we got to the second session and the counselor started to agree with me on almost everything. After that my wife didn't want to go anymore.

I know that divorce is extreme but, I have been trying to work on this for a long time and she has not budged. It's frustrating and it's wearing me out mentally and physically. I feel like she is my enemy and I'm at war with her everyday. I don't feel any love, attraction to her anymore.I Dread coming home, because I know shes there.

I want to love her and enjoy being with her but, it's just starting to become useless to try anymore. I'm afraid its going to take putting divorce papers in front of her for her to realize how serious I am.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

thegriz1984 said:


> We have gone to a marriage counselor, we got to the second session and the counselor started to agree with me on almost everything. After that my wife didn't want to go anymore.


Lousy counselor.

Good therapists don't take sides because, well, one partner will feel like they are being ganged up on and bullied. They try to strike a balance, provide coping strategies, and give each partner the ability to come up with a workable solution. They don't say "He's right and she's wrong!". 



thegriz1984 said:


> I'm afraid its going to take putting divorce papers in front of her for her to realize how serious I am.


Are you trying to coerce her into changing her ways by threatening divorce?

That probably won't work. Even if it does, she'll resent you for forcing her to do something she doesn't feel is right.


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## KalmAndKollected (Sep 26, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Divorce seems to be a rather extreme solution to what appears to be (relative to your typical marriage with cheating, and mental problems, and financial disparities to name a few), not such a major issue.


With all due respect, I call nonsense. Of course strangers can't really determine the other side on this... The description pf his wife sounds so PD, it's not even funny. Aside from how a child should be disciplined, no here knows if his spanks are light or abusive... But the wife sounds bat**** insane without a doubt. Good luck OP.


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## KalmAndKollected (Sep 26, 2012)

I mean if she is living like that the last few years, that is enough go drive a marriage to cheating and divorce. That's how the down hill starts IMO. Unless she was always like this (suspect PD), maybe majorly depressed. But she won't clean up after herself at the minimium? Get help, or get out.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

KalmAndKollected said:


> With all due respect, I call nonsense. Of course strangers can't really determine the other side on this... The description pf his wife sounds so PD, it's not even funny. Aside from how a child should be disciplined, no here knows if his spanks are light or abusive... But the wife sounds bat**** insane without a doubt. Good luck OP.


I've heard a lot worse. It seems like whenever a person posts about their partner's behavior and habits, it paints a picture of insanity. I'm sure that's how it appears from their perspective, but I'm not so quick to label the person 'certifiable'. And I've certainly read a lot worse.

This could just be a situation where the poor woman works all night long and she's just very tired, whereas he's got a more regular work schedule and he's more able to keep up with things around the house. He already suggested he's got the easier load. 

As far as the child care goes, I get why she doesn't want to see her child getting hit, if she's against physical violence that could push her right over the edge.

I'm not saying she's not crazy, I'm just saying I don't think this situation is unfixable. 

There's no perfect marriage out there. This one seems to have less problems than most, that's all.


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## sparzokm (Dec 5, 2013)

There are also many ways to not spank but get your message across to the child.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I hope I can change your mind about spanking. I am 50 years old and the main means of controlling the behavior of a child when I was small was thru spanking. I do not hold this against my parents but I chose a different way to discipline my children.

Read what spanking can do to a child. There are other methods. Perhaps your wife feels she is protecting her daughter from what she might consider abuse and that is why you see the Babying that you mentioned.

As far as the dishes and all.....would your wife do well with an agreement of some sort? She is responsible for a certain choir and you are responsible for something else? I think sometimes when one thinks the other is going to take care of the situation and neither wants the responsibility is when there become conflict.

I do not like to do dishes and get real tired of cooking. Our agreement here is that if I cook my husband washes dishes and vise versa. Because I really do not like to wash dishes I normally cook and it seems to work well. When all the kids were home and we had to wash clothes twice a week, I did the mid week laundry and husband did the weekend laundry, also worked well.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

If you do not want to do all the housework then do only what is essential for you and your daughter. Leave your wife to look after her things. If she does not then she lives with the consequences.

I have three daughters, only ever spanked one of them once. Even though I was sorely provoked, I have regretted doing it ever since. There are other ways you can discipline children, especially, I think, girls - but then I never had sons!


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

I'm not a parent yet, but I'd suggest you and your wife to maybe find some local classes or study materials like books on child education. You can learn alternate ways to educate your daughter; while your wife also needs to learn better methods for your daughter, as using positive reinforcement and motivation methods doesn't mean being permissive and just ignore the bad behavior.

As for house chores, if you think that the overall responsibilities and free time from both sides aren't balanced, then your wife needs to listen. You need to explain it to her in a calm manner, better focusing on expressing how you feel than pointing fingers right away as it creates much less receptivity. If she doesn't listen, then you might need to endure the mess and not give up and end up doing yourself, coz the more you allow her, the more she, like many humans, would continue not trying hard since there are no big consequences anyways. If the mess is too much, maybe even move out of the house for a while with your daughter, if possible. If you are pondering about divorce, which is an extreme decision, then this kind of less extreme decision should be affordable to try.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You both need to start watching episodes of SuperNanny. There's parenting in the MIDDLE of what you each believe that works much better than what either of you want to do.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

If my husband spanked our son, he would be my enemy. I would move to protect my son over my grown adult husband. He spanked our son once and I told him the meanest, most low-down, low-blow thing I have ever told him. It was also truthful. We have since moved into agreement on discipline, at least as far as I can tell. My DH might have different opinions on it if our currents methods fail, but so far they haven't (our son is 3.)

If your wife is like me, your spanking her daughter when she strongly doesn't believe it in would cause ENORMOUS problems. If you KNOW she doesn't agree with it as a method of discipline and you do it anyway, you are digging your own grave as far as I am concerned. It's not just a simple thing to disagree over, like where to go to dinner or who should do the dishes.

BTW if your 5 y/o daughter will ONLY listen to YOU (or "mainly" you) when you get aggressive or in her face, then that should be a loud signal to you that your methods aren't working. 

What you are doing now, whatever it is or isn't, isn't working. I see that you know that, because you've asked for help. That is great! Just know that it isn't only your wife's fault (it never is.)

My usual recommend stands here. Check out His Needs, Her Needs, and the Policy of Joint Agreement. They will help with both discipline and household chores. Start there, and good luck!


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

lenzi said:


> Wrong.
> 
> Physical abuse is never justified.
> 
> In some areas you could actually be arrested for neglect and you could lose access to your children for hitting them.


Spanking is not physical abuse. Spanking is a discipline.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

CalBanker said:


> Spanking is not physical abuse. Spanking is a discipline.


There are numerous countries (31, as of Nov 2011) where spanking is illegal and is defined as abuse. Google is your friend, if you're interested in seeing the list.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

RoseAglow said:


> There are numerous countries (31, as of Nov 2011) where spanking is illegal and is defined as abuse. Google is your friend, if you're interested in seeing the list.


And there in is partly the reason I believe that we have so many issues throughout the world with our young children and why they believe they are so entitled. 

Now I am not saying that some parents may take this to an extreme and then it would definitely be considered abuse. I'm talking about giving one of my children a whack on the butt and letting them spend the number of minutes of their age in the bedroom to think about it. And then come back and be with the rest of us. 

I was spanked a number of times when I was young. I didn't look at it as abuse, I looked at it as I had it coming. 

I've only had to spank my children 7 and 4 maybe a total of 5 times between the two. But it was moments that it was needed.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

RoseAglow said:


> If my husband spanked our son, he would be my enemy. I would move to protect my son over my grown adult husband. He spanked our son once and I told him the meanest, most low-down, low-blow thing I have ever told him. It was also truthful. We have since moved into agreement on discipline, at least as far as I can tell. My DH might have different opinions on it if our currents methods fail, but so far they haven't (our son is 3.)
> 
> If your wife is like me, your spanking her daughter when she strongly doesn't believe it in would cause ENORMOUS problems. If you KNOW she doesn't agree with it as a method of discipline and you do it anyway, you are digging your own grave as far as I am concerned. It's not just a simple thing to disagree over, like where to go to dinner or who should do the dishes.
> 
> ...


And by all means, I respect parents that have talked it over and decided they do not want spanking to be a part of their discipline, totally respectful.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I'm kind of getting a vibe that you tend to treat your wife like a child. You tell her to clean the house and you don't respect her perspective on childrearing. Do you view her as an equal? If my H ever told me to clean the house, my head would spin. I find it hard to quantify what I do around the house as I do many of the little things that make the house run smoothly, but don't fall under any particular heading such as cleaning or cooking, but take time.

Sounds like your are resentful and she has lost respect for you. This is much more than parenting style or doing chores.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

OP, sorry to divert from your thread.

In regards to the discipline, that is something that does need to be mutually agreed upon between the two of you. And one thing that you don't want to do is argue about discipline in front of your child. They see this and will pick up on it, and things could become harder to find the appropriate discipline.

In regards to the daily chores. I think you need to let her know she can become a part of your daily life, or get out. Lazy is all I can say based on your explanation. And I agree, it is your side of the story.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

CalBanker said:


> And there in is partly the reason I believe that we have so many issues throughout the world with our young children and why they believe they are so entitled.
> 
> Now I am not saying that some parents may take this to an extreme and then it would definitely be considered abuse. I'm talking about giving one of my children a whack on the butt and letting them spend the number of minutes of their age in the bedroom to think about it. And then come back and be with the rest of us.
> 
> ...


As a parent, if you don't live where it's illegal, you can spank to your hearts content. However, you indicated in your post that it is not abuse, where in some countries, no matter how much kids "have it coming to them" like you believe you did as a kid, it's not legal. Basically it is considered abuse.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

RoseAglow said:


> As a parent, if you don't live where it's illegal, you can spank to your hearts content. However, you indicated in your post that it is not abuse, where in some countries, no matter how much kids "have it coming to them" like you believe you did as a kid, it's not legal. Basically it is considered abuse.


Okay, well where I live, it is not abuse. I could carry on, but the thread isn't intended for that.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

CalBanker said:


> And by all means, I respect parents that have talked it over and decided they do not want spanking to be a part of their discipline, totally respectful.


I agree entirely. It is important for both parents to be on the same page.

And, CB's right, sorry OP for the thread jack!


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

CalBanker said:


> And there in is partly the reason I believe that we have so many issues throughout the world with our young children and why they believe they are so entitled.
> 
> Now I am not saying that some parents may take this to an extreme and then it would definitely be considered abuse. I'm talking about giving one of my children a whack on the butt and letting them spend the number of minutes of their age in the bedroom to think about it. And then come back and be with the rest of us.
> 
> ...


I agree with you!

My sons are 22 and 18 and they have been spanked a few times when they were younger. There is a big difference between spanking and abuse. A swat on the bottom isn’t abuse!!

My boys are wonderful empathetic adults both in college and surprise me by how big their hearts are. I learned other ways to get my boys to behave as they got older and its truly amazing if you don’t tell them what they will and won’t do (including having sex and drinking/drugs ) and explain the consequences for bad decisions, your kids might amaze you

I have family and friends who use the do as I say method and those kids now have kids or dropped out of school and a few are so afraid they have a weird Stockholm thing going on and do nothing for themselves.

This world is filled with people who didn’t parent well. Look at the gangs, the bullying, the killing. Yes I blame 85% of that on bad parenting. It’s the parents job to help their children to become wonderful adults, If your kid is having problems in school, you as the parent should help fix that. My son was unhappy in 2nd grade and told me he didn’t want to go back, I spoke to the principal and had my son transferred in about 2 hours and he blossomed at his new school.

I grew up with being borderline abused, wire hangers were used to discipline and yes my father knows this is wrong now but when he grew up it was apple switched and razor belts. My point is this world is out of hand and there has to be a common middle ground.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

thegriz1984 said:


> Okay, so I've been married for almost eight years and my Wife and I are on the verge of divorce. One of our major issues is our parenting style. I believe that spanking is necessary, while she wants to baby her. For instance our Daughter(5 yrs) has a habit of not responding/ignoring us(mainly me) until I either get in her face or physically force her to listen and do as I say. My Wifes response to this is to stop me and yell at me in front of our Daughter. I believe this is counter-productive and only hurts the situation. I've talked to her about this and I've repeatedly said "If we can meet some where in the middle and tackle our daughters behavior issues it would improve our relationship". The problem is she doesn't want to budge.
> My other issues are that I literally do everything around the house...cleaning, dishes, dinner, laundry, mowing, etc. I've asked her repeatedly to help me and she usually gives me a excuse as to why she can't or couldn't do anything. I understand that she works midnights but, I don't think asking her to throw her laundry in a basket or making sure her dishes end up in the sink is asking a lot.
> 
> I know that you are only hearing one side of the story, but I really need help with how to deal/cope with this. If you need more details please ask and I will respond when I can. Thank you so much.


I personally think it’s a respect issue, that she has none for you.

She may feel she is protecting her daughter from you, However by the both of you doing this in front of her you are teaching her how to manipulate the situation, Im sure the more you get frustrated and dig your heels in the more your wife goes the other way.

You will have a hard to deal with teenage daughter if you can’t find a middle ground. Im sure part of this ongoing argument has turned into resentment and that is why your wife won’t help around the house, She knows it makes you mad and she also knows you will do it, it kind of sounds like the same behavior your daughter demonstrates.

You can’t make your wife help you, however you need to stop enabling her. I work full time, did all of the housework, bills, shopping and etc. and one day after being told for the 1000 time that I did something wrong in the way I cleaned, folded clothes or simply did not put something where he would have I stopped altogether now he takes care of the house!!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Many many women end up babying their children. Being TOO nice to them, being afraid to say no, and setting no rules for fear of their CHILD being upset with them. It's the most common theme on the SuperNanny shows. I don't know where it came from, I certainly didn't know any moms like that when I was growing up. I do remember my mom griping about 'that stupid Dr. Spock' in the 60s who tried to tell us not to upset our children.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

thegriz1984 said:


> Okay, so I've been married for almost eight years and my Wife and I are on the verge of divorce. One of our major issues is our parenting style. I believe that spanking is necessary, while she wants to baby her.


As you can see from this thread, people have strong opinions about spanking. I happen to think spanking is necessary *on rare occasions*, and you might be going overboard with it. (BTW, to others on this forum, I've lived in Europe, and I will tell you that plenty of spanking still goes on in countries where it is technically illegal, it's just kept pretty mild). 

I don't know what level you want to spank your child, and I don't know how much your wife wants to "baby" her. But I do know that you two should try to meet in the middle. Why? Because *an overly indulgent parent is just as harmful to a child as a physically abusive one*. Maybe even more so.



> _My Wifes response to this is to stop me and yell at me in front of our Daughter._


That's interesting. I'm assuming she won't yell at her daughter, but she will yell at you? That's sending mixed messages to your daughter. It is also teaching her not to respect you. That needs to stop, if nothing else.



> _My other issues are that I literally do everything around the house...cleaning, dishes, dinner, laundry, mowing, etc. I've asked her repeatedly to help me and she usually gives me a excuse as to why she can't or couldn't do anything._


Do you have a job also? If so, the house should be 50/50, so it's time for you to go on strike for a little while. Give her the same excuses why you can't do the dishes, dinner, etc. 

But there is another option that is less confrontational. Hire a housekeeper to help out a couple days a week. If you are both working, you should easily be able to afford it.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

Midnights can be very very difficult for some people. It sounds like your wife does more child care than you (you said, 60/40 right?) and you do more housework. 

It sounds like you both yell in front of your children (you yell at your children, she yells at you). I understand that your child probably obeys pretty quickly when confronted with male aggression but its not the best way to discipline. My dad was like that and now any kind of raised male voice makes me super anxious. I used to get super annoyed at my x, when I was trying to discipline & he would come in with "angry/stern male voice" and they would listen immediately.

Edited to add: Your wife should definitely not yell at you in front of the child, big no no. I also agree with others who suggested a housekeeper if you both work & can't keep up with the housework. If she does majority of child care + works midnights she might just not have the energy for housework.


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

Please work out a cooperative, functional co-parenting style so you don't have to negotiate it heatedly in front of your child! Your child is able to ignore you because that way you escalate to the point where Mommy jumps in, anyway, and the kid is off the hook. Nice triangulation going on there!

There are wonderful agencies and books and counselors and classes that can give you great ideas on how to stop this pattern. For example, our family got a lot of mileage out of "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk," by Faber & Mazlish. Easy-2-read because they summarize their approaches & advice in cartoons. 

Although I started out anti-timeouts, my parenting was transformed by the book "One-Two-Three Magic." It really was magical. Pretty quickly, my kids shaped up as soon as they heard the word "one...." My sister was at first horrified by this "control freak" method but finally tried it in desperation and experienced the same "magic" with her kids too. No hitting, no yelling, just the magic number "one." Peace.

After I turned 40, my mom began expressing to me her deep regret that she had not protected me & my siblings from our dad's spankings. I myself simply remember the awful, shaming sense of injustice and injury. I hated being so afraid of my dad. 

What really convinced me not to spank my own kids, though, was a poignant essay published anonymously by an adult whose childhood spankings had led to a spanking fetish. Spanking occurs in an erogenous zone. What an incredible insult to someone's body, and for some people, this establishes a lifelong connection to sex. 

Sadly, to this day, I cannot stand to be patted, pinched, or smacked on my bottom. It just plain hurts. Plus, it's private. Which is true for my children, too. 

Agreeing on how to discipline your children is essential to the health of your marriage (not to mention your kids!). As for the housecleaning, I agree: Get someone else to come in once a week & clean. Focus on what matters. Even a messy house can have happy people in it.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Like said, stop yelling. When your are yelled at, stop listening and ignore your wife.

You need to have your child know that when you say no, once is enough. It is possible.

But I would start to separate all these problems, leave this one as the last. First start with the relation with your wife. It's rotten, and she needs to want to repair. You need to want to repair.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

questar1 said:


> What really convinced me not to spank my own kids, though, was a poignant essay published anonymously by an adult whose childhood spankings had led to a spanking fetish. Spanking occurs in an erogenous zone. What an incredible insult to someone's body, and for some people, this establishes a lifelong connection to sex.


At risk of a severe thread hijack, I have to respond to this. 

1. I really don't think spanking fetishes are actually caused by being spanked as a child. Without going into detail, I'll just say I have known a great number of people with this fetish, and they were not spanked any more than anyone else growing up. Most were not spanked at all. 

2. And spanking fetishes are fun anyway! There's nothing inherently wrong or bad about them. 

I know the fetish is fairly popular on TAM. In the "sex in marriage" section, I remember once a thread where a man asked how to spank his wife (since she was into that). I was surprised by huge the flood of responses of TAM members giving their own pointers and tips.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Theseus said:


> At risk of a severe thread hijack, I have to respond to this.
> 
> 1. I really don't think spanking fetishes are actually caused by being spanked as a child. Without going into detail, I'll just say I have known a great number of people with this fetish, and they were not spanked any more than anyone else growing up. Most were not spanked at all.
> 
> ...


Well I was not spanked when I was little, thought there was excessive physical punishment with lack of focus on positive reinforcement and motivation.

I definitely don't have a physical punishment fetish, thought I like small spanks every now and then.  Personally I don't enjoy pain and prefer pleasure during intimate moments.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Put me on the side that thanks spanking is necessary. I don't even know what the laws are in my state. Don't even care really. I am not going to play mind games with a child that lives under my roof. I'm not looking for ways to reward them for good behavior like they are a dog. Do what I say because I'm your parent is all I really care about. I do not negotiate with children. My wife has the same beliefs though so its not an issue. We talked about it years before we even had our first child in pre-marital counseling. 

Everywhere we go older couples come up to us and say that we have the best behaved kids. When I look around me I see kids standing on dinner tables, rolling around on the floor throwing tantrums, talking back. Get control of your kids people!!! Instill some discipline.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

questar1 said:


> Although I started out anti-timeouts, my parenting was transformed by the book "One-Two-Three Magic." It really was magical. Pretty quickly, my kids shaped up as soon as they heard the word "one...." My sister was at first horrified by this "control freak" method but finally tried it in desperation and experienced the same "magic" with her kids too. No hitting, no yelling, just the magic number "one." Peace.


Me too! Amazing book.


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