# I hate my neighbor.



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I don't even know why I hate my neighbor. He's never been anything but polite. He even came over yesterday and sprayed my yard for weeds for free (he owns a landscaping company and has access to the good stuff).

My other neighbor is great. He also is always polite, invited my kids over for their kid's birthday party etc. Swell guy.

Sometimes though, when I meet someone new I have an instant visceral dislike for them. They set off something in my brain, my hackles go up, and i just HATE them. Doesn't happen much--I generally like people.

Does this happen to anyone else? You just can't put your finger on why you'd like to punch that SOB in the face?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Yes, I have a sense about people that usually tells me there is something "off" about a person. As far as I know I have yet to be wrong.
I treated one guy in prison for anger issues and I jusy "knew" that I was treating him for the wrong thing. But all I had was his case file to go on.
After he was released I got more information on him. 

Turns out he has sexually assaulted a dog...to death...before he was imprisoned.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

ew


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Maybe your subconscious mind is picking up subtle signals from the guy? Like he seems normal but he's hiding something or he's a sociopath?

Dogs are good at sensing emotion when there are no outward signs (I think I read that somewhere). Maybe you've got some of that ability. 

And yes, certain guys project a sense of ownership and entitlement. No matter how polite they are, you know they think they are top dog. They might as well be scent marking the room when they walk in. I automatically hate them. There are guys who we all recognize as top dogs that we don't hate because they are actually indifferent to that fact. 

Reminds me of the scene in the movie *Wolf* where Jack Nicholson perceives a challenge to his authority by James Spader, and when they are in the executive washroom he pees on Spader's shoes. Of course, Nicholson was turning in to a werewolf at that point, but I think it was a comment on territoriality of our species that was being made.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't generally have "hate" feelings for someone unless they've done something to warrant it. 

Perhaps you should tell him to stop helping with your yardwork if you feel this way about him.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

With neighbors like these...who needs enemas?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Normally I advocate "love thy neighbor," but that doesn't fly here on TAM. Too many triggers ...


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Maybe that's it. I know a lot of guys that are way more successful than I am and it doesn't bother me. But this guy....with his perfect damn garage and his immaculate yard...

And maybe that's part of it too. Every outward appearance of the guy's life is just TOO perfect. Business owner (rated 4.8 out of 5 stars on google...of course)...stay at home wife who follows him around while he's home....perfect kids (hers biologically) that are hands down some of the most polite I've run into...everything spotless and well ordered about his house and his PERPETUALLY open garage.

He's got to be a serial killer.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Are you jealous of him? With is "perfect damn garage and immaculate yard" - business owning, SAHWife, his perfect polite kids.... 

Maybe you're insecure a little because of how good he se ems to have it so you're projecting the hatred/anger onto him?

?
?
?

Or maybe he's a serial killer.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Are you jealous of him? With is "perfect damn garage and immaculate yard" - business owning, SAHWife, his perfect polite kids....
> 
> Maybe you're insecure a little because of how good he se ems to have it so you're projecting the hatred/anger onto him?
> 
> ...


See I thought maybe that was it too. But I know a lot of folks that seemingly have it better than me and it doesn't bother me a bit. 

No--this guy stepped out of a Stepford movie.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Lila said:


> Hahahaha. OMG, your neighbor is Ned Flanders.


OK, here's the thing. I came home from work yesterday and he's out front spraying my yard as I mentioned earlier (my wife's doing).

I get out of my car and he waves to me and--no lie--says "hidy-ho neighbor!"

I almost lunged at him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

:rofl: Who knew "Hidy-ho" could inspire so much rage?!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jelly's comments got me to thinking more about if I'm just jealous of the guy. The more I think about it I have to say no. I met him the day he moved in and didn't know a thing about him, his family or his admittedly amazing yardkeeping abilities. We were packing the truck to go on a family vacation and he walked over to say hello--and I didn't like him, right away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

BUT WHY? There HAS to be a reason.

He is inspiring the rage for some reason, I am sure of it. 

Is it because you think he's shady? Does he reinds you of something? Is he over-bearing? Do you want his yard/yard-keeping abilities? LOL

I think if you dig deep down, you will find the reason why he upsets you so much when it seems he hasn't done anything wrong...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Maybe that's it. I know a lot of guys that are way more successful than I am and it doesn't bother me. But this guy....with his perfect damn garage and his immaculate yard...
> 
> And maybe that's part of it too. Every outward appearance of the guy's life is just TOO perfect. Business owner (rated 4.8 out of 5 stars on google...of course)...stay at home wife who follows him around while he's home....perfect kids (hers biologically) that are hands down some of the most polite I've run into...everything spotless and well ordered about his house and *his PERPETUALLY open garage*.
> 
> He's got to be a serial killer.


*cough* VAR the garage!


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Fozzy said:


> But this guy....with his perfect damn garage and his immaculate yard...
> 
> And maybe that's part of it too. Every outward appearance of the guy's life is just TOO perfect. Business owner (rated 4.8 out of 5 stars on google...of course)...stay at home wife who follows him around while he's home....perfect kids (hers biologically) that are hands down some of the most polite I've run into...everything spotless and well ordered about his house and his PERPETUALLY open garage.


I don't hate people like that, but I do have to fight an urge to introduce a little chaos and anarchy into their lives.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm going to end up like Tom Hanks in The Burbs.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I'll chime in here...again..

I can agree that there is something there that is triggering you. It SEEMS like it is triggering some agreement you have with yourself possibly on self worth.
Its also quite possible that he reminds you on some level of somebody who took shots at your self worth.

Either way this seems to be resonating with your self worth. Can you think of any way this person threatens or irritates you in relation to how you view yourself? Is there some way he seems to make you feel "not good" about yourself?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Oh sure, several ways. Lots of people make me feel insecure about myself. Like I said before--I know a lot of people who seem to have it better than me, and I actually LIKE quite a few of them.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GTdad said:


> I don't hate people like that, but I do have to fight an urge to introduce a little chaos and anarchy into their lives.


Keep fighting the urge... you don't wanna wind up like this guy...


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Oh sure, several ways. Lots of people make me feel insecure about myself. Like I said before--I know a lot of people who seem to have it better than me, and I actually LIKE quite a few of them.


So it must be something specific about him. Tone? Posture? Seems to be too easily friendly? Reminds you of a hated nephew, uncle or relative?

Anger is often a reaction to a perceived attack on some level.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Samurai. Something about this guy is setting you off and it's more than likely because of something he inspires inside you. He reminds you of something that you hate or you feel uneasy/upset around him because of something. There is a reason...


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Im going to take a shot at this and wonder if he might remind of a critical relative?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Nope. Only one relative that I have ill feelings for, and he's not like that person at all.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It may not come to you right away, but eventually, I think you will figure out why you dislike him so much. Keep us posted.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I hate my neighbor. It all started when our soon to be built home was nothing but a dirt lot. She has been nothing but abrasive since we moved in. Her H is nothing but sheepish and followers her around like a scolded puppy. She spends a majority of her time yelling at her children(kids from 1st and 2nd marriage). The other times attempts to look like mother of the year when her friends are around. 

By the Grace of God she stays inside a majority of the time. The goings on that I have not posted here since we moved in angers me to no end. And I'll be honest, when you talk to this woman you would swear she has a mental issue. 

There are 2 other neighbors on our cul-de-sac. Both are wonderful. No issues at all.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> So it must be something specific about him. Tone? Posture? *Seems to be too easily friendly*? Reminds you of a hated nephew, uncle or relative?
> 
> Anger is often a reaction to a perceived attack on some level.


This might be part of it. I tend to distrust people who are too easilly friendly.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I will give you an example about this.
Maybe it will help.

I was in the store with my youngest and she was very tired and all of two years old. She looked a lot older because she is a very tall gal. Anyway she was hanging on the cart and fell off. She was obviously on her last legs. Well the lady in back of me snorted or did some judgmental thing and I… went off.
I am normally a polite person, but I let her have IT. 
Right there in front of everyone.
Even my daughter was startled.

I felt the gland in the base of my skull dump a crapload of adrenaline and other fighting chemicals into my bloodstream and I felt them clearly as they travelled down my back and to my extremities...like cold water in my veins.
I was ready to KILL this beotch.

Its moments like this that bad decisions are made.

I was lucky in that I reigned it in and just got out of there as fast as possible.
Now…what was the trigger?

When I was very young, say around two I had a meltdown in a store and I distinctly remember a cold lady making comments about how inappropriate it was and I vowed to myself at that point that I would NEVER give anyone the satisfaction seeing me act like that. I still remember the lady. Blue fox fur and tweed jacket. Longer face, v-shaped with a pointy nose which was looking down at me the whole time. 

Mind you, I was two.

When that lady snorted it immediately brought up this agreement with myself and suddenly associated my CHILD’s meltdown with my OWN so far back.
Suddenly I was being judged all over again and I had also broken my vow to myself.
So not only was I being judged as a parent, I was also being judged as a child again AND I took this as a reflection of my parenting skills.
Nobody questions my parenting skills much less judges my children.
My body experienced this as an attack and responded with the only way it knew how.
“Prepare for a fight! You have pissed me off!”

A small thing from years ago lined up just right to set me off. 
It could be that something similar is happening to you.

Hopefully this example will help.

PS. I am now VERY supportive of parents whose kids are melting down. I have even walked carts out to the car while the parent deals with the child, telling them it’s okay and everyone has a bad day once in a while. I reassure the child if I can too.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Our neighbor moved from the ghetto to give us ****roaches, his kids scream all night, yet he complained to our rental office when we screamed that he was "THE ****ROACH KING" forcing us into a "meeting" that only my hubby would go to- I refused, and hubby came out victorious and they pretended not to understand english halfway through the meeting. 

They also got (and had to get rid of) two dogs that they crated all day so we had to hear them howl/bark/whine all day and dogs aren't even allowed here. Do I win for having the most ignorant neighbor? Also, before we knew they got evicted for roaches in the ghetto, hubby fixed the wifes car and my son shoveled for them. 

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED! Now have to tear apart my kitchen cabinets every 3 months to get rid of bugs- never had a problem the previous 18 years we lived here. Looking to move!!!!


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Actually, I'm gonna go against the grain here and say follow your instincts. If there is something off putting about someone then listen to what your gut says.

Too often we try to justify that we shouldn't not like someone or follow a nagging instinct screaming in the back of our minds. There is such a thing as trust but verify with total strangers too.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I loved my old next door neighbor but the guy across the street from him hated him. 

My neighbor had the best house in the neighborhood. He had the best lawn, the best landscaping, and took the most meticulous care of it all. The entire property belonged in a glossy home magazine. 

I used to joke with him, "Bob, thank you for bringing up the property values around here." He thought that was funny. He loaned me tools and advice when needed. 

The guy across the street was the anti-Bob and his house was the anti-Bob's house. The lawn was unkempt, the repairs were home made and showed it, and the house was painted flat black. 

When anti-Bob took a summer vacation out of town, Bob went over and mowed his lawn, edged the walks, and trimmed the bushes. It was the best that house ever looked. When anti-Bob returned he saw the improvements and called the cops. 

The lesson is that even well meaning offers of help can be insulting.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Does this happen to anyone else? You just can't put your finger on why you'd like to punch that SOB in the face?


If someone's friendly then it's tough to make me dislike them no matter what their personality type is. That is unless I know things about them that I don't respect. But if I pick up on being looked at with disdain then I've got a terribly short fuse but it's better than it used to be.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Hearing the stories on this thread remind me how grateful I am to be living in the country. 

I think it's a lot easier to get along with your neighbors when you can't see their house from yours.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I grew up on a farm. I know what you mean.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Lila said:


> Hahahaha. OMG, your neighbor is Ned Flanders.


Damn! Beat me to it.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

This is obviously a past life issue. In a past life, he was your nemesis. The batman to your joker. The smokey to your bandit. The rex to your kip. The US Marines to your barbary pirates. The highlander to your kurgan. The Capt. Nemo to your kracken. The sun to your earth worm. The candiru to your urethra.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I don't usually have hate feelings, but I'm not one to get real chummy with people either, at least not to the point that we hang out and do yard work for each other. I guess it's just the introvert in me.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I am also like Fossy....there is one female, aged..??55 who used to be my sons teacher. She was good to him, always very polite, professional etc etc never did anything to me etc but I just didn't, and still don't like her.
I have absolutely NO reason to dislike her, I just do.....from the very first time I met her.

I don't feel bad about it atall. Thats just the way life is. You don't have to like everyone.

I remember being told time and time again; respect your elders. Why? If someone is an absolute d!ck head but happens to be older than me..? No way. On the other hand there are people alot younger than me who I admire and respect for what they have done.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My dog hates my neighbor. My dog likes everyone but him. I have no idea why. I like my neighbor though, they've been great with us. 

Maybe my dog knows something...


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Maybe he likes you Fozzy, I mean *really, really likes you*.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I had a neighbor that used to mow grass in a bikini. Mid 30's and perfect shape. 

Here in McMansion land we have half acre lots but I can't recognize any of my neighbors if they're not accompanied by their dogs. Nobody socializes, borrows tools, etc, kids all in college prep schools, nannies, gardeners, or "estate maintenance services" do everything from Christmas lights to mailbox painting.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hidy-ho, Fozzy!!!! 

(Sorry, couldn't resist...)


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Maybe you should stop taking anabolic steroids, friend.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I have to keep up with those roidheads down on Sesame Street.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

john117 said:


> I had a neighbor that used to mow grass in a bikini. Mid 30's and perfect shape.


I had a neighbor like that. My wife didn't like her much. Turns out her husband was embezzling from work. They went on the lam together.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Our neighbor ended up in an affair with one of her husband's employees while her husband had a affair with the nanny (who looked like the Michelin man I might say). 

A very ugly divorce ensued and they lost everything... She went from McMansion to waiting tables at TGIF... 

But she was stunning. I've seen her up close in the pool and with my high power Nikon optics  and she was just stunning... 

Maybe I should post pictures :rofl:


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I don't even know why I hate my neighbor. He's never been anything but polite. He even came over yesterday and sprayed my yard for weeds for free (he owns a landscaping company and has access to the good stuff).
> 
> My other neighbor is great. He also is always polite, invited my kids over for their kid's birthday party etc. Swell guy.
> 
> ...


That's too bad. I love my neighbors. I even have a pretty conservative neighbor that I like a lot. We just don't talk politics. Sometimes people's personalities just don't click. I know sometimes there are just people who's personalities rub me the wrong way. That's just part of being human.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I hate your neighbor also!


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

CantePe said:


> Actually, I'm gonna go against the grain here and say follow your instincts. If there is something off putting about someone then listen to what your gut says.
> 
> Too often we try to justify that we shouldn't not like someone or follow a nagging instinct screaming in the back of our minds. There is such a thing as trust but verify with total strangers too.


:iagree: Follow your gut. 

My parent's super sweet, "perfect" neighbors robbed another neighbor's place. There was always this weird feeling my family had about them and it turns out something really was off, hence the huge robbery.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My next door neighbor was just evicted by the marshalls. She didnt pay her mortgage for over a year. They found a dog in a cage, living in 3 feet of garbage. Police and fireman came out of the house throwing up from the smell. There is now a warrant out for her arrest due to conditions the dog was found living in. I hate my dirtbag neighbor.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I have mostly had wonderful neighbours. I did have one awful one once, really terrible to her children. She once threw her baby (literally) over a 6 foot fence to me and said "I'm going out, I'll be back soon" and left. I looked after her baby for 4 hours, had no diapers or formula. I had to use an old towl and cut it up for a diaper. I didn't even have a number for her. She would swear at her kids and call them names. 

She also used to swear at and abuse my ex H. Once our lawn was a little long , and he was out the back with our son and she said "why havnt you mowed your lawn you f#%^ing lazy c$&@" went on a full rampage. When I asked her why later she said she was having a bad day. I asked her not to talk like that in front of my son and then she started on me and was swearing. She even started ranting about my daughter who was 13 at that time. 

Any way we sold and moved. It wasn't worth the stress.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I have mostly had wonderful neighbours. I did have one awful one once, really terrible to her children. She once threw her baby (literally) over a 6 foot fence to me and said "I'm going out, I'll be back soon" and left. I looked after her baby for 4 hours, had no diapers or formula. I had to use an old towl and cut it up for a diaper. I didn't even have a number for her. She would swear at her kids and call them names.
> 
> She also used to swear at and abuse my ex H. Once our lawn was a little long , and he was out the back with our son and she said "why havnt you mowed your lawn you f#%^ing lazy c$&@" went on a full rampage. When I asked her why later she said she was having a bad day. I asked her not to talk like that in front of my son and then she started on me and was swearing. She even started ranting about my daughter who was 13 at that time.
> 
> Any way we sold and moved. It wasn't worth the stress.


Too bad you couldn't have taken her kids with you. Sad.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I LOVE my neighbour. In 3 years I haven't exchanged a word with him. I love him cuz he HATES me and, as a result, provides me with occasional entertainment.

He's one of those guys who loves his garden. In summer he practically lives in it,,, lovingly tending away and poisoning anything that might interfere with its immaculate splendour.

My garden is entirely more Darwinist. Occasionally, one of my dominant triffids will find a hole in HIS fence and set about throttling one of his precious, petalled perfections.

He got real mad at a particularly boisterous onslaught. Tired of rescuing his beloved flora,, he took to lobbing pellets over the fence at the offending 'weed', which proved much too hardy.

Bravely,, he sent his wife round to tackle me about the twiggy trespasser. I got quite a lecture. An impressive list of hitherto unexpressed resentments. At the end of which she asked me to remove or savage the plant in question.

I told her to mend her fence or, if she wished, I'd unlock the back gate and she was welcome to have at it. And she did!

He didn't do it. He just peered over the fence, seething while she set about this nearly-a-tree.

I offered her a cup of tea at one point,, after she'd been hacking and yanking for about an hour. She just gave me 'the stare'. After another hour she was done.

By the end of the summer my triffid had returned to it's former glory and he spent about a week fixing every tiny gap is his fence. He's a perfectionist. If he ever left his sprinkler on I suspect his garden will become a pool now. And he'd blame me.

One of those people that just doesn't get that other people don't share his hobby and resents any differences.

My haven for Cabbage White butterflies really offends him.

I was thinking about asking him to remove his unnatural, perfectly painted bird tables, for a laugh - cuz the birds they attract eat the butterflies - but there's no need cuz he provokes himself every time he peeks over the fence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

My neighbours love me. At least I hope...

The between fence was rotting, but the planks were fine. It looked like crap, so I replaced the posts myself. It wasn't a very big or expensive job. 

I also snow blow his driveway. Not because I feel like I need to, but because snow blowing is so fraking cool. I do each of the houses, beside me, and across the street. 

It's awesome!

I get excited when it snows enough and I can finally push the electric start button on my little baby. I'll never get tired of that.


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

I think youre envipus of him..

But we all have sixth senses. And really nobody needs to like anybody else, its the human way.

instincts should always be heeded, im starting to realise that all the time.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

homerjay said:


> I think youre *envipus* of him..


homer... I realize that was a typo, but I just love your new word -- *"envipus"*!! It's sounds like TAM lingo... Now we just need a definition.

:rofl:


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> homer... I realize that was a typo, but I just love your new word -- *"envipus"*!! It's sounds like TAM lingo... Now we just need a definition.
> 
> :rofl:


Envipus "Ehn VEE puss" n'

1. An overly attached girlfriend. A classic klinger.

2. A member of the Felis species on IV fluids

3. (Slang) To be covetous of another mans girlfriend.

ex. "After seeing how beautiful Steve's new girlfriend was, Tim turned into a total envipus."


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> Envipus "Ehn VEE puss" n'
> 
> 1. An overly attached girlfriend. A classic klinger.
> 
> ...


*Ba ha ha ha!!!!* THIS made me laugh!!!

:rofl::lol:

I also love the fact that there are three different "official" usages...


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> *Ba ha ha ha!!!!* THIS made me laugh!!!
> 
> :rofl::lol:
> 
> I also love the fact that there are three different "official" usages...


I master the goodly of English very shiny...no?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Btw SJ... I can't wait until I get the chance to use the word "envipus" in an actual reply to a post!

(Scouring the threads now to find someone who is jealous of another man's wife or girlfriend....)

:rofl:


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Btw SJ... I can't wait until I get the chance to use the word "envipus" in an actual reply to a post!
> 
> (Scouring the threads now to find someone who is jealous of another man's wife or girlfriend....)
> 
> :rofl:


I would house, in my heart, much of the honor...for using me.


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> homer... I realize that was a typo, but I just love your new word -- *"envipus"*!! It's sounds like TAM lingo... Now we just need a definition.
> 
> :rofl:


Er...ok.,


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