# Seperated But She says Will Never Leave Me



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Hi.Everyone.My partner of 18 years and the mother of our 13 year old son called our relationship off in November 2013. One day we were fine (or so i thought) and the next KAPOW. She would not let me touch her and i mean not even hold her hand or a hug.
Now this sounds like an affair but she has only been out twice with her friends in the last 3 months so i dont think anyone else (but seems a BIG red flag).I have the only computer in my office so she can not e-mail anyone like an EA? I moved to spare bedroom and i am still there.I have provided a wonderful big house, no money worries i own my own company and her parents treat me like a son.
I have asked her many times how we can get back on track and she clearly states she has not 1% of emotion left for me and would leave if it was not for our son and the fact that she would have to get a full time job. We are joint owners of our home even though i have paid every penny off the mortgage and all the bills so she will be entitled to half share.She only works part time 18 hours per week and has said she does not want to work anymore and at this time i am paying all her bills , as i have for the last 18 years.
I am stunned that my partner wants to break up our family. It is hard and i have tried all sorts of things to get us back together but she simply is not interested.I have now noticed her getting more nasty everyweek with me just little things that she will remark on in a verbally nasty way where she has always been sweet to me. 
She is still here and other than making me my tea and a cup of tea in the morning it is as if i am a ghost to her. She goes to her bed at 6.30pm every night and neither me or my son see her till 8.00am next morning.I spent a lot of time with my son at night and if she says goodnight to him she will look straight past me and ignore me 95% of the time.
She seems to have re written 99% of our relationship history and accuses me of various things that never happened such as when i built the house i choose how it was furnished (no i didnt she did) and other daft comments like that that are simply not true.Only this morning i said i have not held her or kissed her since November and she said again that i mean nothing to her because i have emotionally neglected her and also I love you but am not in love with you. 
She has also said after that that she has no where to go and no money and no proper job so will never leave me.For several weeks i would have done anything to be back with her but i am not sure now though obviously she seems to have zero feelings for me anyway.This seems so strange has anyone any help or advise?? Thank you.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

At the moment, she's calling the shots, and you are responding. To make any change or progress, you'll have to start taking action.

She wants status quo, so it is in your best interests to disrupt that.

Tell her she has 30 days to resolve her issues or at least discuss things with you. If she does not, file for divorce. That will get her attention and make her face a possible future she does not want. Then make her move out and stop paying her bills after a transition period where you insist she gets a job. Make her take you to court to get support or do anything for her - make her WORK at getting what she wants, or WORK to fix things. Back her into a corner so she has to choose.

As soon as you file, cancel all joint credit, separate all joint financial accounts, and let her deal with that.

Tough love is sometimes necessary to cause needed change.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Shake things up. Quit being passive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Is there any particular reason you're not married? Not a judgment, I only ask because unless this was discussed and agreed upon most women will eventually be po'd about this because they get the message that they're good enough for all kinds of things but not quite good enough to marry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

To MBH- Good Advice But i am scared of the fall out but i do need to man up
To bandit I am too passive i know
To Life is too short. We were always going to marry but just didnt not sure why we just didnt.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Stop paying her bills. Like, all of them.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Of course she's not going to leave you. Why should she? She doesn't have to act like a wife, and still gets treated like a princess. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

To PBear
I know, I need to do something. thank you.


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Thank you to everyone for your honest replies. I suppose that what i have in my head is that while she is still here my son is and i can be with him everyday.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Help Me Choose said:


> To PBear
> I know, *I need to do something*. thank you.


So, why don't you?

Are you scared she'll be mad, or sleep in a separate bedroom, or fall out of love with you?

Wait...she already did all of that. If you don't cut her off completely, she's going to find a new partner, with YOUR money (IF she hasn't, already).


----------



## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> At the moment, she's calling the shots, and you are responding. To make any change or progress, you'll have to start taking action.
> 
> She wants status quo, so it is in your best interests to disrupt that.
> 
> ...



This ^^^^^^^^^^

Start protecting yourself now financially and then do the big hit when you file.
She has no reason to change anything right now.
I understand being afraid of what will happen if you stand up for yourself, I went through that with my marriage, but sh*t changes until you do. It's better than feeling how you feel now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

To Happy katy
Great advice .Yes, I am afraid but i realise i need to do something
To struggle
Also great advice.I am afraid she will try to split up me and my son to be honest


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would advise going to talk to a lawyer. Uncertainty in your situation is handcuffing you. You need to get knowledge of how your situation may play out so you can begin making plans. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

First thing I would do is cut off her money supply. She relies on you for her financial support and gives you zilch in return and from what you have written she expects it.

Second thing is you tell her that if she wants to live like room mates then she will be responsible for half of all the bills and then you hand her a newspaper with the want ads as the front page. Let her know that you will no longer be her personal piggy bank and she better find full time employment real quick because she's going to get mighty hungry and her car needs a tank of gas to get there and back and pay for her own insurance and if the car is in your name, sell it to her or to someone else.

Don't give her a chance to reply. Lay it out in black and white and let her know in no uncertain terms that the free ride is over and her new life is beginning.

You let this go on for far too long and what you need to do is give her the mother of all wake up calls. 

Cancel all your credit cards and open them back up in your name. Give her half of the checking and savings and re open new accounts in your name only. If she makes dinner, make your own for you and your kid. 

If she wants to act like that then you have leverage too so use it and she may get the idea real quick that she just might have made a serious faux pas.

If your worried about losing your son, don't. He knows who his dad is and you can still be a great dad without her and don't be surprised if she tries to use the kid as a weapon. Don't let her fool you with that and don't play that game with her.


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

To PBea. Yes, i feel handcuffed, I will see lawer as suggested , thank you.


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

To 6301
Again great advice. My son can see what is happening and has told me he wants to live with me but my fear is a court could make him live with his mum after a split...


----------



## Help Me Choose (Mar 4, 2014)

Hi. Thank you for reply and advice. No councillor yet but it does sound a good idea, thnk you.


----------

