# Need help moving past this anger stage :( Please!



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Husband had an 'almost' EA at work. Right after having our first child, 4yrs ago. I told him through many arguments I am uncomfortable, I don't like this etc. He finally agreed to cut off communication unless absolutely necessary work. 

Now 4yrs later I find out they're 'friendly' again = means to me they chit chat at work again, no texts or anything like 4yrs before. I only knew because we just went to a kids birthday and she was talking (or trying) to talk to husband like 'normal' and he avoided her so badly, it was obvious. Like he didn't want me to know they talk. 

I know it's not the worst type of betrayal but I still feel betrayed because I told him I didn't like it, he said he'd cut off communication and never told me he went back to talking to her over time. Shes married and has a kid now. He said "it just slowly got like that over time, we work together, it's the work culture and I was hoping you me and her could maybe be friends again". Umm hell no! (clueless)


We are starting MC next week. I looked at some of my Old emails--screaming, pissed off, I'm not dealing with this etc ALL while trying to breast feed and pump--struggling new mom and student still. 

I know I need to move past anger if we have a chance but I am SOOOO angry and resentful. My precious time has been wasted dealing with this $h1t, when I could have spent that time on my kid or school. 

Help please! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I see about the anger stage, BUT how do you know if he's not cheating? I don't want to get you paranoid, but something seems fishy. I personally find EA's much more damaging. My husband disconnected with me for about 6 months EA style before moving to a PA... and there was no going back. He left and is now with her. Having sex is one thing, falling in love another... and that where all these 'friendships' that don't get nipped in the bud lead. I think you should be angry. I don't think you have to get pass the anger stage, I think you need to get to the bottom of this and find out what's going on. Members on here know a bunch of ways in which you can record phone calls, get text mgs. printouts, find out computer activity. Anyone? Can you guys tell yellowstar how to do that? Be proactive yellowstar. You don't want this **** going down in front of your nose. Maybe that's why you are angry.... maybe you just KNOW. Hope I'm wrong. I really do.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> I see about the anger stage, BUT how do you know if he's not cheating? I don't want to get you paranoid, but something seems fishy. I personally find EA's much more damaging. My husband disconnected with me for about 6 months EA style before moving to a PA... and there was no going back. He left and is now with her. Having sex is one thing, falling in love another... and that where all these 'friendships' that don't get nipped in the bud lead. I think you should be angry. I don't think you have to get pass the anger stage, I think you need to get to the bottom of this and find out what's going on. Members on here know a bunch of ways in which you can record phone calls, get text mgs. printouts, find out computer activity. Anyone? Can you guys tell yellowstar how to do that? Be proactive yellowstar. You don't want this **** going down in front of your nose. Maybe that's why you are angry.... maybe you just KNOW. Hope I'm wrong. I really do.


I only know because when I confronted him him he said no, no cell phone texts or calls, he wants to do whatever it will take for me to get through this (MC, cutting off all communication, etc), I can't possibly see how he would have time for this, I am his first relationship ever--so I can sometimes see how he doesn't 'get it', all his free time he's home working on the house, taking care of kids, I don't know but my gut is telling me it's not past the emotional part---how much emotion is where I am not sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> I only know because when I confronted him him he said no, no cell phone texts or calls, he wants to do whatever it will take for me to get through this (MC, cutting off all communication, etc), I can't possibly see how he would have time for this, I am his first relationship ever--so I can sometimes see how he doesn't 'get it', all his free time he's home working on the house, taking care of kids, I don't know but my gut is telling me it's not past the emotional part---how much emotion is where I am not sure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Also he rarely uses his email (like normal), the one he uses the most is a work one you can't access on regular computers (gov worker)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I was my stbsh's first real relationship too.... I noticed about the time I was 7 months pregnant that all of a sudden he seemed to 'notice' other women. That is the worst, I think. They start to wonder about other females.... Why didn't they before? Mine prob. couldn't get any women as he was shy.... this one was at his job, always there.. they say with men it's proximity that's the biggest contributor to straying... usually not some random chick, but a friend that turns into more. They thing is, why are the chatting again? I just wonder if they'll spin some bull*hit story to each other how they tried to stay away, but couldn't. That's the type of garbage cheaters feed off. Just have your eyes open-that's all


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Yellowstar OK so your gut is telling you something is up. but you really do not have any proof right? Office politics is diffcult to deal with at times. So your husband may be in a difficult spot in the work place keep that in mind.

Go ahead and go to MC but if all you have is what you have written here. Try not to let it feed your anger. 

I am a BS and I know how things can hurt but I have jumped to conclusions about a few things that I was dead wrong about. Try to stay objective and move forward with your MC


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

How are you sure it was EA and not PA 4 years ago?

How are you sure he is okay now?

While I think some amount of insecurity plays the way you react to it, you need to (1) start acting normal, (2) Get keylogger and find out what is going on, (3) if he is using cell phone, use some tools to find out what is going on.

Suspicions will show their heads, you need to use those tools and techniques if those are valid suspicions.

Take care.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

I'm all for moving past anger, but I don't see why you shouldn't be a bit angry. A lie by omission is still a lie. He should have disclosed that they were being friendly again.

HE needs to understand what is appropriate and what isn't.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

It is not appropriate to be just "friendly" with a former affair partner, for obvious reasons.

Listen to your gut and don't rug sweep this issue.

He needs to put your marriage before his so called friend.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP's husband was not comfortable in conversing with that woman, when OP was around in the party.
He should have done all the things to make OP feel comfortable.
I think there is something wrong. Trust your guts, OP.

Do some investigative work.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Zanna said:


> It is not appropriate to be just "friendly" with a former affair partner, for obvious reasons.
> 
> Listen to your gut and don't rug sweep this issue.
> 
> He needs to put your marriage before his so called friend.



Agree with all of this except I wouldn't call it his former affair partner...it was more like the friend he was possibly thinking too much about and I FELT uncomfortable...

He definitely needs to put me first. He keeps telling me and emailing me from work " I want to stay with you and I want us to be together. I want to keep our family together. I am sorry for all the hurt and stress that I have caused. I want us to work through this and get better." (stuff like that)


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

You are mad because he is not telling you he is "friendly" with her again in order to spare your feelings. Of course you are going to be upset. Sorry that you are going through this. You don't need to be placated and managed. You need a husband you can trust.

If he's agreed to MC that is a good sign. I hope this works out if this is what you want.

IMO, you don't need any more evidence. If he promised to stop seeing her and then started seeing her again, then what else do you need? He is disregarding your feelings and your marriage. Most here will tell you former APs can never work together again and your post is the reason why.

I understand that you feel you could have spent your time doing something else other than giving him another chance. I get that. But at some point you have to forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up for that decision.

Never put yourself down for believing in someone. For trusting someone and having faith in them. That is love. It is a gift you gave. You can't take it back now. Please take care of yourself.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> You are mad because he is not telling you he is "friendly" with her again in order to spare your feelings. Of course you are going to be upset. Sorry that you are going through this. You don't need to be placated and managed. You need a husband you can trust.
> 
> If he's agreed to MC that is a good sign. I hope this works out if this is what you want.
> 
> ...


Yes, I agree with all of this...you nailed it.

For us to continue, he has to cut off communication with her, follow my boundaries which should be crystal clear now AND go to MC with me to discuss HOW to communicate, not sweep stuff under the rug and placate me.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I am confussed you said an almost EA, Can you define this more. I for years traded emails with other woman I worked with and most of it was about work, I did ask how they were how was the family and chit chat but that is all it was 

Tell us what happend 4 years ago


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

yellowstar said:


> Agree with all of this except I wouldn't call it his former affair partner...it was more like the friend he was possibly thinking too much about and I FELT uncomfortable...
> 
> He definitely needs to put me first. He keeps telling me and emailing me from work " I want to stay with you and I want us to be together. I want to keep our family together. I am sorry for all the hurt and stress that I have caused. I want us to work through this and get better." (stuff like that)


Why would you not call her a "former AP" when you said he had an "almost" affair. I take this to mean they got to the edge but did not consummate a full blown tryst.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

mahike said:


> I am confussed you said an almost EA, Can you define this more. I for years traded emails with other woman I worked with and most of it was about work, I did ask how they were how was the family and chit chat but that is all it was
> 
> Tell us what happend 4 years ago


Basically it was just they emailed, talked and texted sometimes...usually about work stuff. Sometimes about getting ready for our new baby and her offering to drop food off sometime for us.

Then I saw on FB he checked her FB many times...but never told me why. Just that they were friends at work, and he got along with her better at work than some other people there, but it was just friendly. I didn't like that she texted him after he stopped talking to her "Why are you angry"...

And once when I told him I didn't like it he said he just looks out for her like a brother (because she was cheated on and divorced. Currently she's married with a baby).

So nothing really happened, but I felt uncomfortable...and I just had a baby like 2 weeks prior when this all happened, so I'm sure I was hormonal too.

 I feel like such an idiot


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> Why would you not call her a "former AP" when you said he had an "almost" affair. I take this to mean they got to the edge but did not consummate a full blown tryst.



I wrote below what actually happened...they didn't get to the edge for an EA....

I guess I should call it a friendship I felt uncomfortable with


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

oaksthorne said:


> That's the big problem here, he led you to believe that he was not in contact by omission. That is exactly what my H did, but he never even let me know she existed. She was his field partner for nearly a year when I found her e-mails to him, and that was just a fluke( I trusted him completely and never checked on him). He is in corrections and has his own computer and phone, all off limits to me. If they hadn't started e-mailing to the home computers, I might never have know about her. This sneaky sh!t is what did the most damage to our relationship, that and TT for 10 months post d-day.


What does "that and TT for 10 months post d-day" mean?

I am writing on the men's section about this too and someone made a great point. I have been jealous, overreacted and yelled at him about other stupid minor stuff before...like stuff I knew wasn't inappropriate...

So now when I actually didn't like something, he brushed it off to being me overreacting again (Boy who cried wolf)

And that's why he probably didn't actually get it until now...


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Trickle truth.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

And yeah, there's probably a bit of truth to that (the boy who cried wolf). Still; no game playing. State clearly and concisely why this isn't cool to him.

Hopefully MC will help you guys communicate better.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Trickle truth.



What does this mean?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

yellowstar said:


> What does this mean?


Telling you the truth, but bit by bit. Never volunteerin gthe whole thing. Telling you a little part to placate you, but leaving out the real bad part. Etc.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Telling you the truth, but bit by bit. Never volunteerin gthe whole thing. Telling you a little part to placate you, but leaving out the real bad part. Etc.


Oh ok...this is what the other poster was saying about her husband's marriage...



I don't know if it applies to my situation


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

yellowstar, it seems like you are trying to excuse his behavior because you are writing this off as you being overemotional due to it happening around the birth time of your baby. I understand having friends, I have friends that are male, but they don't text me and ask if I am mad when I don't talk to them for a while. Add to that that he is seeing her/texting her/writing her/whatever without telling you, and any wife would be wondering about this.

The point is, he should understand how this makes you feel and quit doing it. If he's just a "big brother" to her, then why is he avoiding her at parties, trying to pass it off as "over". You said he was "avoiding her so badly"? Was he acting this obvious or is this your fear talking?

I'm confused. If she's a good friend of his why can't she just come over and have dinner with the both of you? 

Something isn't right.

If he admitted 4 years ago he crossed a line and now he's at it again, you have a valid concern. If he just quit seeing her because it made you feel uneasy, then it got swept under the rug.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

yellowstar.....please read my thread in the Private Members section if you have time. It documents everything that happened in the past 2 months from begining to end of a the start of a potential EA. It may help you recognize behavior of your husband.

Summary:

We were 5 years into R (recovery after affairs). Things going good. Then his behavior changes. Talks about girls at work but not mentioning or dodging questions about one in particular. I check chat records and see alot of flirty/personal chats back and forth. I freak out since it was a huge trigger from the past. He denies anything, says "she is just a friend" and that he gets along with her better than othjer people at work. You know, all the typical excuses and justification. Mind you he is getting defensive and raising his voice while I'm crying and shaking. I found out later on, instead of dealing with the situation, he ran to her to "warn" her that I had my sights on her and that I am crazy. Totally protecting her over his wife!!!!

2 months later I check his chat again and he went to lunch with her to disucss "marital" issues with her (not me first). These are HUGE boundaries we put in place to protect our marriage - NO ONE ON ONE STUFF WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. He said he was going to delete the chat to her. It didn't get deleted. I found it. He lied to me repeatedly. Is more upset about his friendship with her than his marriage.

I'm moving out next weekend. It may have just been the "start" of an EA that got shot down, but his pattern is clear. He is a cheater and was choosing a female friend at work over protecting his marriage. I will not be married to someone like that after past infidelity!

You need to make sure not to just sweep this under the rug. If it has been 4 years and they are still in contact, I highly doubt it ever stopped. Stay firm on your boundaries and if he doesn't respect them, be ready to follow through with consequences. 

It may just be a "friendship" but when it comes before the wife and marriage, there is a problem!!!!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

LostWifeCrushed said:


> yellowstar, it seems like you are trying to excuse his behavior because you are writing this off as you being overemotional due to it happening around the birth time of your baby. I understand having friends, I have friends that are male, but they don't text me and ask if I am mad when I don't talk to them for a while. Add to that that he is seeing her/texting her/writing her/whatever without telling you, and any wife would be wondering about this.
> 
> The point is, he should understand how this makes you feel and quit doing it. If he's just a "big brother" to her, then why is he avoiding her at parties, trying to pass it off as "over". You said he was "avoiding her so badly"? Was he acting this obvious or is this your fear talking?
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

PLEASE LISTEN TO LOSTWIFECRUSHED!!! EVERYTHING SHE SAID IS SO SPOT ON!!!!!


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

So husband and I did a LOT of talking and I'm feeling a lot more positive and hopeful...

#1 He did apologize and told me he had no idea how badly I was hurt. He did say that before this time there were times I was overly jealous and overreacting with ANY female friend (this is true) and so he probably blew this reaction off too, thinking it was like the other times I blew up. I've point blank told him the Facebook thing, her texting him why is he angry are ALL inappropriate, I will not tolerate it. She has to be cut off except when absolutely necessary at work or I am done. 3yrs ago he was resistant and mad about it, but now he said he will do whatever it takes for us to get through this, for me to be happy and he will tell her something like, listen beyond necessary work stuff, there's no reason for us to talk. He said he wants this problem to be over and behind us, whatever it takes. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he will email me exactly what he said, her reaction and he has no problem cutting this friendship off.

#2 We did go over boundaries, what I'm comfortable with and specifics of what I need to learn to trust him again. He said they were all reasonable and he agrees with them. 

#3 We are going to marriage counseling starting this week, to talk about our communication and learning to manage anger better.

#4 He agreed he'll read NMMNG and when I first gave him a synopsis about it (via email) he said he kept thinking about it and how its probably all true. He was upset that he was doing this and not even realizing it, and in the mean time hurting me. He doesn't want what both of us had growing up, instead a more healthy marriage and household.

#5 I am starting the 5 language of love

#6 He definitely sees now in hindsight that while he didn't think he was doing anything wrong at the time, how it was possibly heading in the wrong direction. I expressed my anger towards her too because if she really was a friend to him and me (he thinks she really liked me too), she wouldn't allow herself to get too close to him, especially after we said this has to stop. 

#7 He at first was immediately thinking of switching jobs...I didn't want to make any hasty decisions. I said let me finish my degree first and see where it takes us and that I am definitely more open to moving, which I wasn't so much before. I don't want this to dictate our life though...truth will tell right?

#8 He was telling me he is going to tell me more about work now, I've met everyone but now who does what, what they're like, what his relationship is with them, etc. Everything will be transparent too, phone, email etc. His work email can't be accessed at home but he promises to forward any email to me that she sends, even if work related. There's not much I can do about this though, I guess there has to be a little trust there. I think it's a small risk I'm willing to take. He is pretty sure though that if he tells her stop, no more talking except absolutely necessary, she will stop talking to him. I said well make sure of it because *I* don't trust her, I don't care if she is married now (and to be honest, my husband is a good catch...and attractive, unlike her husband  )

#9 I also am going to let him take more of the alpha role at home, I've always dominated everything, nagged him, put my interests and ideas first. When we fought he almost never was dirty about it, but me? I said so many bad things, ridiculed him etc...it took THIS situation to realize SOMETHING IS NOT WORKING. I feel guilty about it, he said we both have things to work on and both contributed to this. He said he was really thankful and happy that I was thinking about his happiness now too. Something I honestly kind of ignored before 

It was also nice to end this long conversation, after a week of discussing this situation and our marriage everyday...with really good sex


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

Don't let your guard down though. My H said almost everything yours said word for word, including telling me that his work email couldn't be accessed at home. Guess what, that's where all the communication stayed hidden from then on. He could access it from his phone, which meant it could be accessed from any pc. Your H could be completely open and honest now, which I hope is the case. Trust but verify.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Just be careful and take care of yourself. Best of luck to you.


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Thank you


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Forgot to add, I suggested, reluctantly because he has a GOOD job for so many reasons, that he actively look for another position (within the same place or somewhere else). He is not thrilled about it and said but he understands why and if is mad, he is mad at himself for doing this all to us. 

So I guess this is good...it's a fine line between pushing over the edge with what *I* want and am comfortable with and holding all of this against him for too long of a time and acting overly and obsessively crazy about this. I tend to easily do that, so I need to stay in check as well :\


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

I am just angry and resentful still...

Because of this and having to wait and work through husband's stupid decisions we decided to put having baby #2 on hold...

He puts me in such a $hitty position, if he stays at this job which is PERFECT for our family for so many reasons, I have to get used to that he works with her daily. If he leaves for a different job, I highly doubt there will be one that has benefits/leave time etc with this pay (and his field is saturated, so it's not like tons of positions available, at least here). Plus he actually like the job, like the stuff he has to do. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'm so angry


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

If he stays he might cheat and then you'll be a single mom to two children... like me. 
Change the job...


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

This is why I'm so confused, I posted my same scenario in the Men's Clubhouse and I've also gotten many responses like this:

_I feel like I must be missing something here. Three years ago your husband looked at someone's Facebook profile quite often and talked to her at work. There was no physical affair, there was no emotional affair.

But now, three years later, you want him to send a woman that he works with a no contact letter, insinuating that he can't be trusted and she is some kind of predator? And he is prepared to do this? You sound a little bit crazy and he sounds like a doormat. If I told my husband to do that he would shut me down so fast my head would spin

I think counseling sounds like a great idea._

So I guess this is where I am in my mind...what is reasonable, what is unreasonable. Of course I don't want to end up a single parent, but this could happen anywhere. Obviously if he wasn't working there I would feel better about any potential anything but at the same time, husband seems SO committed to doing WHATEVER it takes, he said he would look for another job if that's what it takes. I just don't know if I want to sacrifice this great set up we have. I'm not excusing his behavior, but maybe because of my jealousy issues, screaming at him, him telling me he felt like he was "walking on eggshells" around me he just wanted to be happy. And while he should have been honest, the worst thing he did was look at someone's facebook page often and talk and joke about work stuff AT work only (with others, never just alone). 

I am kind of confused


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

I forgot to add:

I love that his job lets us have a pretty sweet deal (time off, salary, hours, benefits etc) and he actually like the job. I know regardless of where he is I have to work on trusting him, not being jealous, and he has to work on opening up to me, being more assertive etc to me. Obviously I don't want to end up a single parent, but I want him to be able to work there for the reasons listed above and me trust him. I wish she didn't work there  Also, I'll be finished with my degree within the next year which means would could *possibly* move, so if he left now and had to leave a job again, that would be a LOT harder on all of us.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

yellowstar, you already know what you are going to do. You will let him stay. Perhaps it will work out great? I hope so.... Something doesn't sit right here, and that's all I'm pointing out. You know how somebody offers to do something hoping that the mere offer should do the trick? That's what this sounds like. If you were actually jealous without a reason and something wasn't up, why would he accommodate you to this degree? I don't know. Perhaps he's a great guy, and I hope he is... but something just isn't right here. I say however, listen to your gut. You honestly know what's up. If your gut tells you all is ok, then fantastic! But that anger.... it has a reason.... and it's not just that you are jealous, petty or whatever you accuse yourself of. It just seems something isn't right. And you keep coming back to that in your post. It's what I'm getting from you... I read somewhere that #1 reason men fall for affair partners is because of proximity. That blew me away. So pretty much most affairs start for men because she was simply there. I wish I could undo my situation (my husband left me for his student who was always just there). That's why the removal of that woman from your h's proximity sounds like a good idea. And I know it's a pain in the a*ss with the job market today... that's why I say listen to your gut and do whatever it tells you


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## Beelzebub (Jun 26, 2012)

if he is a friend with a person and feel comfortable talking to her that does not mean he has an EA


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## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> yellowstar, you already know what you are going to do. You will let him stay. Perhaps it will work out great? I hope so.... Something doesn't sit right here, and that's all I'm pointing out. You know how somebody offers to do something hoping that the mere offer should do the trick? That's what this sounds like. If you were actually jealous without a reason and something wasn't up, why would he accommodate you to this degree? I don't know. Perhaps he's a great guy, and I hope he is... but something just isn't right here. I say however, listen to your gut. You honestly know what's up. If your gut tells you all is ok, then fantastic! But that anger.... it has a reason.... and it's not just that you are jealous, petty or whatever you accuse yourself of. It just seems something isn't right. And you keep coming back to that in your post. It's what I'm getting from you... I read somewhere that #1 reason men fall for affair partners is because of proximity. That blew me away. So pretty much most affairs start for men because she was simply there. I wish I could undo my situation (my husband left me for his student who was always just there). That's why the removal of that woman from your h's proximity sounds like a good idea. And I know it's a pain in the a*ss with the job market today... that's why I say listen to your gut and do whatever it tells you



Yes the anger comes from him not being honest that he talks to her at work again (and by talk I mean talk about work stuff, joke about work stuff--all with other people and/or with a group of people around too though). So the anger comes from hiding the truth from me...

At the same time i can understand WHY he did. I would blow up and flip out all the time when she was mentioned and in the past of any girl he talked to or worked with (I know, I was unreasonable--I have to work on my own jealousy and self esteem issues).

I should also add, when I first said I don't want him to talk to her anymore period, he was resistant saying there's absolutely nothing they talk about except work, only at work and he was not too happy about it. After several days of talking and talking, he said he understands how I feel and it's not worth it for him to be friendly with her because he knows how hurt I was/am. 

The fact you stated about the proximity thing is scary...I guess I have to realize that this can happen then at any job or anywhere else. 

He promised complete transparency, no getting irritated with any questions I have and we started MC yesterday and it went great (this past 1.5week has been great). We've never felt closer because this incident made us talk about A LOT of the issues we were having (communicating, resentment, anger etc--and how lots of things were coming out wrong). 

While I can't say I 100% trust what will happen (I probably never felt or will feel like that though--because of being cheated on in the past with a college boyfriend), I DO feel confident about our marriage. I do believe him about how sorry he is, how he didn't understand how strongly I felt about this--not like overreacting in the past, and we both have learned more about each other and started to work on things (him being mr. nice guy and boundaries in our marriage and me--listening, not flipping out/reacting badly to everything, yelling and ridiculing him in fights).

I'm not even sure it was an EA, it was him talking to someone at work, them getting along, maybe he thought she was pretty (FB?) and when I didn't like it and said no more friendship with her, he did listen for like a year and then it got back to talking but not like before (no texting, emails etc), just at work or work parties (which I am always with husband). What we have now and his job etc is not worth losing over this. Yes he made a mistake, I am not excusing his behavior, he MUST earn my trust back. I also have to work on my issues too. 

I feel confident in my decision, of course the future is unpredictable but I have to trust my gut here. I appreciate the advice!


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