# Confused



## Jpander (Apr 15, 2016)

My wife and I are currently separated. We have been for about a month now. We have been married for two and a half years, and have been together six. Roughly six months ago things started to go downhill. I found out she was meeting someone on the side, no sex or anything between them, she just couldn't confide in me so she started talking to another male friend. I kind of drove her to that. I took her for granted and forgot that she was my wife. The sex stopped and we just didn't get along. We would sit in the same room and barely talk to each other. So on to the present, we went to counseling once and things were better for a month then it went back downhill. She has the house and I have my own apartment. She wanted the divorce now she isn't sure, but she gets mad when I bring up separation, says it makes her uncomfortable to talk about it. If she wanted it why would it make her uncomfortable? She says she possibly wants to reconcile but whenever I ask the only answer I get is "I don't know" and"I can't answer that right now" I'm just confused how can you want the divorce but now get angry when I bring it up. We got into a bad argue don't and I said just write it up and let's be done and she got so mad at me for it. I just don't understand. I love my wife and want to work it out but it's getting harder every day. I'm trying to keep communication lines open but if I didn't text her she prob wouldn't text me back. She asked me to move out and I did. I. Think she just wanted the easy way out but she realizes it may have been s mistake. I make the majority of the money for the household, or I did. I think she may be hanging on just for finances. I did ask her why she is hanging on I but she said she didn't want to talk about it. I want to stay with her but I don't know. Anyone have any advice or and insight to what they think she is thinking?


Read more: Confused.... - Divorce & Separation Message Board - HealthBoards


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Is there any chance she is seeing this guy and he is sleeping in your bed...she sounds like she is stringing you along.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

She doesn't want to divorce because there's a fear that things won't work out with the OM. It's called cake eating. You're going to have to force her hand. Stop being her plan B.


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## Jpander (Apr 15, 2016)

Well I asked her and she said she wasn't seeing anyone, she said she didn't want to bring another male into the situation. I asked my therapist if she said anything about seeing anyone and she said no. So if she is lying to someone we pay that's pretty ****ty. So how should I go about asking again without starting ww3? I'm trying to get along with her but it's not easy.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

don't ask. You need to do some detective work. Read some forums in the CWI sub forum. Don't talk about anything with regard to your relationship with her, so she her guard will go down.

Edit: sounds highly probable she is in an EA or has already scrwed this other guy 100 ways from sunday. That is why she is confused. Once you start getting it from someone else, you usually start to fall in love with them.


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## Jpander (Apr 15, 2016)

What's an EA?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Cheaters lie. The lie pretty well. You may want to look at your phone records and bank accounts. 

She is confused as she's unhappy with you...maybe remembering the good times. She is happy with him but fearful of the unknown. Sounds simple right? Ha! 

Doesn't sound like she willing to do much to restore the marriage. If her energy is with another man, either emotionally and/or physically, then you are playing a losers game.


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