# Is this cheating?



## whatdoido (Jan 4, 2010)

I am posting for a friend who is afraid to post from her computer....
She has been on again and off again with her boyfriend who lives in a different city
but they just got back together. But she was always suspicious of him because she witnessed 
him hugging a "friend" very tightly at a party... She told him that made her uncomfortable
and he promised never to do it again...

Well after they got back together and she was on her way to moving 
in with him... She got on his facebook page. She saw that he had pictures posted
of himself grabbing some girl's rear ... And another of him posed with a girl and they are wrapped 
up in each other. Looks like the love of his life...

And another from when they were together... Of him holding a girl 
in a swim suit ... It looks bad. 

He says he is sorry but he says they were all 
innocent because they were all just friends...

She is horrified. She is considering breaking up with him...
Thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

it's not neccessarily cheating, but it's a violation of boundaries. The mature thing to do would be for her to clearly state her expectations of a relationship and have them discuss it. 

If they are young and immature it won't work. If they have some maturity, it is a good step.

Plus if they are just dating, and it's not that serious, she may be better off seeking out a more mature guy.


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## whatdoido (Jan 4, 2010)

seeking sanity said:


> it's not neccessarily cheating, but it's a violation of boundaries. The mature thing to do would be for her to clearly state her expectations of a relationship and have them discuss it.
> 
> If they are young and immature it won't work. If they have some maturity, it is a good step.
> 
> Plus if they are just dating, and it's not that serious, she may be better off seeking out a more mature guy.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whatdoido (Jan 4, 2010)

I am concerned for her because she is a single mom and I'm concerned this guy is going to be another child. He left her and her child stranded on the side of the 
road one time... And told her to wait for AAA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Then, if he's a boy-man she needs to be realistic about that. Single mom's can't afford to have idiot men in their lives. Perhaps she should hold off on moving in and take a realistic assessment of him, pro's and con's type list. 

She should also assume he WILL NOT change. If moving in is contingent on him changing, she's doomed.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She can do a lot better than ANY man who would leave a child on the side of the road.


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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

Tell your friend to pull her head out of his butt and find a new boyfriend because this guy sounds like a real scoundrel, he won't change as long as he knows he can get away with it, and he will always no about it. I've seen what can happen to a relationship that works like that. They were young and she was in love and he "cheated" in the same manner, now she's a drunk who takes his abuse and he continues to "cheat" because he knows he can get away with it.


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## whatdoido (Jan 4, 2010)

Yes ... I was the friend who got her tire fixed for her.
Even worse... This guy started to cry and told my 
friend that since this meant she wasn't going to come
visit him (long distance relationship) that he was heartbroken..
And her breakdown ...and subsequent return home... Ruined his weekend.
I couldn't believe how he treated her .. Knowing she had a 2 year old
in the car! 




MrP.Bodybig said:


> Tell your friend to pull her head out of his butt and find a new boyfriend because this guy sounds like a real scoundrel, he won't change as long as he knows he can get away with it, and he will always no about it. I've seen what can happen to a relationship that works like that. They were young and she was in love and he "cheated" in the same manner, now she's a drunk who takes his abuse and he continues to "cheat" because he knows he can get away with it.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

the decision is, of course, her's to make, but the situation does not look good. my opinion only, but it sounds like he's just using her as a toy. I kinda understand her, although I can't do that to the full extent, I'm a guy afterall: 2yo might "scare" potential partners away - unfortunately, that can happen, guys rarely are ready to commit that much right away, and here's one, probably good looking, too, she's going to do much to make this relationship work but is it worth doing? that car episode tells a lot as well as leaving her on the road. 

as banal as it sounds, but I'd say: she should listen to her intuition sometimes, because she already knows: she can do better than that.

btw, she should be ready to expect some Behaviour from her BF, if she decides to leave him. I wouldn't wonder if these would be promises to change forever, that she's his only love, that w/o her he's gonna kill himself - all the usual crap, so to say. I can only hope it won't get to threats or something.


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## sandyrose (Feb 9, 2010)

When I had got back together with myboyfriend. I found all sorts of pictures with all different types of girls on facebook … he claims that they were just friends…. I found out later that they were more then friends.. I would have her consider braking up with him … that one of the reason why I broke up with my boyfriend because he had lied and deceived me.. don’t let her be naive !!!!


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## whatdoido (Jan 4, 2010)

Well she chose to get back together... But take it slow. Last night she called
me to tell me that this guy was suggesting her child get allergy shots (he is allergic to dogs and cats BAD)
because HIS dog needed to be around... 

I said don't put your son through the pain of allergy shots! This guy clearly feels he and
his dog are more important than your child's well being...

Agree?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

H&ll yeah!

Ask her to ask herself why having a man choose her is more important than the health and mental well-being of her own child. Yes, guilt her.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

she has 2 problems there:
1 Her own insecurity and bad self esteem/worth which causes her to react badly to 'other women'. She needs self confidence training.
2 Inadequate communication. Get some relationship books and learn how to communicate better.

Oh, and she needs to find a more RESPONSIBLE guy.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

jimrich said:


> she has 2 problems there:
> 1 Her own insecurity and bad self esteem/worth which causes her to react badly to 'other women'. She needs self confidence training.
> 2 Inadequate communication. Get some relationship books and learn how to communicate better.
> 
> Oh, and she needs to find a more RESPONSIBLE guy.


Just as i was going to put my 2 cents in... i realized that the OP's first post was almost a year ago. I have no idea why ahsgjhhkjh choose to bump this besides to post spam.

Not much sense in me giving advice at this point. More than likely her friend is still with the l_ser anyway.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Ok, speaking as a single mother, if a guy left me and my kid(s) on the side of the road, *that* would be the end of the relationship. I wouldn't try to figure out if he cheated or not, leaving me and my kids stranded in what could potentially be a dangerous situation is the dealbreaker. 

As if that isn't enough, you mention you're posting this because she's afraid to. Why is she afraid to? That leads me to think that perhaps he's been violent or given her cause to think he would be violent. Between those two things, the stranding and the fear, I think the cheating question is the least of her concerns.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

seeking sanity said:


> Then, if he's a boy-man she needs to be realistic about that. Single mom's can't afford to have idiot men in their lives. Perhaps she should hold off on moving in and take a realistic assessment of him, pro's and con's type list.
> 
> She should also assume he WILL NOT change. If moving in is contingent on him changing, she's doomed.


I totally 2nd this :iagree::iagree::iagree:


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