# New Year begins with a quandry...



## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Thinking it may be time to greatly distance myself from STBXH's family (the inlaws as it were). H left back in April. MIL has maintained that I will always be a member of the family, the favorite daughter in law, no matter what H is doing (or has done). Supposedly, the rest of the family shares the same sentiment. But other than one BIL and his wife, communication (phn or FB or email) has been sparse to non existent. I've been told, repeatedly, that none of them condone or even understand what is going on. 

Back in June, when he came to retrieve our pickup, he brought Trampasaurus Wrecks with him and MIL let H bring her in the house.
Sorry, but I take that as being most disrepectful to me. After 25 years as a part of the family, MIL would do something like this and so easily? 

Then in October at son's wedding, they barely spoke to me. Ok, I halfway expected that being as H was there (alone) that the few that even bothered to show up for the wedding would spend the time with him.

Now, my son and DIL are expecting a baby girl in April. No congrats extended to them, no communication, nothing! Son did mention that H is hoping to be down when the baby is born. Good, after all he'll be Grandpa. 

I have 2 questions here and I hope I get some feedback on them. 

1. Should I cease my communication with STBXH's family? The one BIL has pleaded with me not to do that, especially ti MIL (long, ugly story on their relationship)

2. Would it be too much to ask that H not bring the Trampasaurus Wrecks around me should he make to in April when the grandbaby arrives?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes, cut ties.
Yes, ask ex to leave the tramp at home. It's a FAMILY affair. She's not family.


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## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

i would definately distance myself from them. My STBX-MIL told me that she would be by my side, and she has run me into the dirt, saying horrible things about me and basically just a horrible person. On your hand though, I would distance myself, and I agree that the Tramp needs to stay out of it, she should understand that this is a family thing and that she should not be interfering in that. I'm sorry you are going through this....


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Ok, here's the crux of the quandry:

Putting together a book for the kids. My son's MIL, who is now a good friend of mine, hit on the idea of a family book for our kids and grand daughter to be (due in April). One basic version that'll include fave recipes (already started that section) family trees for both sides (in progress too), pictures, etc. Also wanted to inculde funny stories/memories, catchphrases, and ancedotes about everyone.

I have emailed STBXH's family members asking them to help with childhood stories and such. So far, no response from any of them. We want to have this ready for Christmas of 2012 for each of our kids and granddaughter as well.


Give them a deadline for this? Or just forget about them? :scratchhead:

Would appreciate more input on this.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Just forget about them! If it was important to them, they would have replied.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Wow, again few folks offered their unique input on this situation. Guess my post lacked any attention getting devices or details to warrant anything more than a cursury glance from the majority. Thanks to those few brave souls that did respond.

This exemplifies exactly the kind of communication, or lack thereof, that has become commonplace.

Guess it's time to look elsewhere for the wisdom I thought would be most abundant here.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

cherokee96red said:


> Wow, again few folks offered their unique input on this situation. Guess my post lacked any attention getting devices or details to warrant anything more than a cursury glance from the majority. Thanks to those few brave souls that did respond.
> 
> This exemplifies exactly the kind of communication, or lack thereof, that has become commonplace.
> 
> Guess it's time to look elsewhere for the wisdom I thought would be most abundant here.


Hey it's the festive season , a lot of folk are on vacation or with family.

Back to your question , cut his family out and exclude them from family activities .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

cherokee96red said:


> Wow, again few folks offered their unique input on this situation. Guess my post lacked any attention getting devices or details to warrant anything more than a cursury glance from the majority. Thanks to those few brave souls that did respond.
> 
> This exemplifies exactly the kind of communication, or lack thereof, that has become commonplace.
> 
> Guess it's time to look elsewhere for the wisdom I thought would be most abundant here.


sorry you feel that way cherokee...I think a lot of us (me) were just too depressed to come on here during the holidays.

I know it is really hard to just cut ties completely with your in law family. I did, although I have no kids, and it was really hard. It was the best decision for me however. 

I think you should do whats best for you. If you think you can remain friends without letting it have a negative impact on your life, good for you. If not, maybe you should stop talking to them. 

As far as them not responding to your book that is a little strange? If you really want to do the book and have them included I would send another email stating you are starting it with or without them. If no response again I would take it as a hint, although very rude on their part.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Not turning out out to be a simple thing here. DD called me last night and said she had just talked ti grandma (MIL). MIL has tried to call me but I haven't answered. DD wanted to know when I was going to call MIL back. I have not asked either of the kids to stop communicating with the in laws, would never interfere with their relationships with that side of the family as both are old enough to make their own decisions there.

It's very difficult to articulate my feelings/reasons for my decision on this, kids don't understand my POV. That's ok, just respect it, that's all.

Since the book is planned as a surprise for them, I can't divulge any of the info there. I'm thinking of one more solicitation for input, then just do it, with or without them. I am striving to make the book fun and light hearted.


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