# Age difference in a relationship



## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

What is the age difference between you and your partner? Specify the gender.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

she is 42 i am 35


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

I just realized I made the poll wrong, 5 options would be enough . Oh, well, I am new here. You can just comment your answer below.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

He is 9 yr older


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I voted but it didn't register. He is 6 years older than me. That has always been the average age difference in all my relationships, never dated a younger man and would not consider a man more than 8 or so years older.


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## woman (Aug 19, 2011)

He is 13 years older.


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

He is 14 years younger.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

We are both 49. (He's two months older, lol)


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I am four years and six days older than my husband. 

And this is relevant because ????


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm 15 years older. I'd never dated a man younger than myself before, but my SO and I met in middle age and, somehow, we just don't notice the age difference.

Edited to add: I voted incorrectly. I voted "Male younger more than 10 years." This should have been "_Female _older more than 10 years", but there isn't a category for this.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Anonymous Person said:


> He is 14 years younger.


I'm glad I'm not alone here!


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## Tom Tybee (Sep 5, 2013)

DW is 11 years younger. We married when I was 47; my first (and only) marriage. I was concerned about the age difference but it hasn't been a big deal. 

Except that now as I approach retirement I am more aware of issues such as Social Security (she does not work) survivor's benefits, planning/saving for longer retirement (she could easily outlive me by 20-30 years), etc.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Arb 61, XW 57 @ Time of Divorce in Late September!*


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> I'm 15 years older. I'd never dated a man younger than myself before, but my SO and I met in middle age and, somehow, we just don't notice the age difference.
> 
> Edited to add: I voted incorrectly. I voted "Male younger more than 10 years." This should have been "_Female _older more than 10 years", but there isn't a category for this.


It's a crappy poll.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

My husband is 14 years 1 day older. So on his birthday, he gets to say that he is 15 years my senior but the next day it drops to 14 again. lol It was great when on his 44th birthday he got to tell everyone he was 44 and married to a 29 year old. 
Having the birthdays a day apart is cool. We go out for dinner and drinks on his birthday and come home on mine. Plus at midnight we both get a free drink! lol


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Same age.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

me 37 wife 31


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## RAN (Oct 14, 2012)

Me Older by 4 years then her.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I am 39, he is 58.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I am 42 and my wife is 53. I have always loved older women.
The younger women are great too, but most seem to lack a combination of wisdom and discipline that seems more abundant in more mature women.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My fiance is 10 and one half years younger than I. I was getting dates from other younger men up to that point so I was not surprised that he was interested in me.

I went out with a 35 yo when I was 50. and he fretted that he was too old for me. Oh dear.


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## LiveFastDieOld (Dec 1, 2012)

She is 12 years older... and was my first...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife is 46 [ almost 47] and I'm 43.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Yeah, I could of made a better poll, I am new here, next time I ll pay more attention. 

There was another discussion about this subject and I was really convinced that older males in a relationship would really dominate this poll BUT I was wrong, I am really surprised, it does show that age is just a number. 

I was convinced that biology would play a greater role, but this show that if people meet later in life and kids are out of the picture I see how this could work with an older female.


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## HeartInPieces (Sep 13, 2013)

My husband is 33 and I’m 29 so he’s 4 years older than me


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> Yeah, I could of made a better poll, I am new here, next time I ll pay more attention.
> 
> There was another discussion about this subject and I was really convinced that older males in a relationship would really dominate this poll BUT I was wrong, I am really surprised, it does show that age is just a number.
> 
> I was convinced that biology would play a greater role, but this show that if people meet later in life and kids are out of the picture I see how this could work with an older female.


Hey, nobody is perfect and I think it is a fun poll.
I met my wife when I was 20 and she was 31. 
She had a son age 3 and we had another son together 4 years later. 
I think maybe the majority of the women my age were too uncertain to give me a try, I was a bit of an unbroken stallion back then, fun to look at but no fun to ride.
My wife had the strength and certainty to not only give me a try, but to hang on when things got rough. 
She really knew what she wanted and that was extremely attractive to me and she never changed her tune.

I think some of the women my own age might have turned out to be pretty good wives but at the time, they just couldn't compete with Mrs. Conans surety and confidence in her relationship with me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> My fiance is 10 and one half years younger than I. I was getting dates from other younger men up to that point so I was not surprised that he was interested in me.
> 
> I went out with a 35 yo when I was 50. and he fretted that he was too old for me. Oh dear.


You are one hot lady!:smthumbup:


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## LVLOVER711 (Oct 27, 2013)

I am 39 and my husband is 31.


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

I am 31 and STBXH is 23


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I am 37 and my husband is 59. Together for 10 years married nearly 6 years in April.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Same age, separated by 11 whole days.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm 53, wife is 54, mentally I'm 18 and she's 68...


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

I'm 62. My wife is 28 years younger. Second marriage for both of us and 2.5 years into the marriage. Oh, and she just entered her third trimester of her first pregnancy. I have three grown boys. Soon they will have a new half brother.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm 31 and he's 32  He's soooo old.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

my wife is 4.1/2 years older than me.

I dated a girl a few years ago that was 17 years younger than me.

I had long time relationships with a lady 10.1/2 years younger and another one she was 4 years older. 

The one that was 17 years younger wanted to marry me.

But the two loves of my life were both older.

looking back, i've learned age doesn't really matter that much one way or the other.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Age does not matter but maturity level does. I'm still thinking like a teenager for many things but with the wisdom of a mid 50's guy. My wife thinks and acts her age of mid 50's..


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

John117 stole my thunder. I'm 28, but emotionally around 21 or 22. However becoming a Mom is raising that maturity level by leap and bounds. My H is 33. In most areas of maturity he is much older but not all.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Maturity is overrated  I made sure to choose a career that allows me to not become a stuffed suit as I grow older. That seems to have worked. At home I do way more than needed and keep a youthful attitude. I can ogle chicks with the best of them, or I can take my camera gear and go hiking. I am comfortable in pressed jeans and a good shirt. I drive a Honda Fit. I unwind by playing Angry Birds and Halo.

My wife only wants material things, expensive cosmetics, her European pseudo SUV, designer clothes, etc. She works 60-70 hour weeks to my 35  and unwinds by watching TV. 

She thinks like a grandma... I don't.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

john117 said:


> Maturity is overrated  I made sure to choose a career that allows me to not become a stuffed suit as I grow older. That seems to have worked. At home I do way more than needed and keep a youthful attitude. I can ogle chicks with the best of them, or I can take my camera gear and go hiking. I am comfortable in pressed jeans and a good shirt. I drive a Honda Fit. I unwind by playing Angry Birds and Halo.
> 
> My wife only wants material things, expensive cosmetics, her European pseudo SUV, designer clothes, etc. She works 60-70 hour weeks to my 35  and unwinds by watching TV.
> 
> She thinks like a grandma... I don't.


Im talking about emotional maturity as far as not letting my emotion dictate my response to stuff. We both very youthful in our approach to life and far from being fuddie duddies. We both love outdoors (both cold and hot weather activity), dancing, and entertaining.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Emotionally I am light years ahead of her but only due to the way I make decisions. I may seem like an immature geezer but I'm as calculating as Machiavelli... I rarely mix emotions and decisions.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Based on the way you constantly trash talk your wife and that you endorse "marital warfare", you don't sound mature to me at all.


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## Microwavelove (Sep 11, 2013)

We're the same age, but I'm (woman) two months older. He jokes that he married an older woman :-/


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

I'm 42 she's 28. For 2 months the gap is 13 years and 10 months the gap is 14 years. This is not the situation that has me on TAM. That situation was a 10 year age gap, and several dozen Jerry Springer episodes could have been crafted from that sitch.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband is 3 yrs older , I often wish he was 3+ yrs younger.... I've always had more pep & energy over him ... but he does work much harder than I.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Based on the way you constantly trash talk your wife and that you endorse "marital warfare", you don't sound mature to me at all.



Cold and calculating beats mature any time of the day.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Merely your opinion.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm 7 years older than my wife. But I can run rings around her.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Merely your opinion.



I hope so  otherwise everyone would always make the right choices. It would be like the NFL playoffs when everyone went 8-8.

I spent plenty of time and taxpayer money in graduate school studying the human decision process. Let's just say that for a lot of people, intelligent decision making comes as natural as climbing trees. 

Maturity helps by providing more experiences to draw from but one has to be willing and able to select the right set of experiences that match the situation. Emotions tend to obfuscate things. Many professions spend lots of time training their students to avoid emotions (military..)

If you can throw emotions into your mix and still do well in life more power to you.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Please continue trying to convince yourself that "marital warfare" and calling your wife evil and stupid is "maturity".


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Interesting that two of the three words you picked are out of context, as in, nomenclature, and the third is simply straight out the Bible, you know, an eye for an eye, etc..

Think of it as extreme radical honesty :rofl:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes it is just rolling on the floor laughing hysterical that your wife is so evil and stupid (per you), isn't it? Because that's just sooooo adult of you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It seems you must have missed all the clarifications I put regarding the meaning of the two terms vis a vis my theory of LD causes. I usually refer to them as "evil" and "stupid" and also indicate that they are nomenclature and not to be taken literally. The LD in question has a doctorate in applied mathematics so the S term is not likely very accurate - tho the "S" term is. Likewise she does not throw stones at kittens in the yard so again... She does have very high emotional content in her decision making process due to BPD but that does not make her E or S, just "S" or "E"...

I'm pretty sure if I write a paper on my LD theory for a scientific journal I'll spend some time to think of better terminology 

Apologies to the readers for the sidebar...


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## Mzflower (Aug 3, 2013)

He is older by 6yrs


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

He is 10 mos younger than I.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I was 29 and my wife 21 when we married and the age difference was an issue (for her parents) but not for us. Now nearly 20 years later the only people who comment on how old I am are my kids when they are trying to wind me up.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No john....I've read your strange justifications over and over, you post them every day. To me there is no justification for the amount you trash talk your wife.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Dh is 46; I am 43. For us this age difference has worked out well.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

He is 6 years older than me. He's 43 and I'm 37.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

STBX was 3 yrs older


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

john117 said:


> Maturity helps by providing more experiences to draw from but one has to be willing and able to select the right set of experiences that match the situation. Emotions tend to obfuscate things. *Many professions spend lots of time training their students to avoid emotions (military..)*
> 
> *If you can throw emotions into your mix and still do well in life more power to you*.


Let me give you all some balance here...The Military is a different animal over marriage....here is how it is supposed to work, or so I believe... Those without emotions...God bless anyone married to them, I sure wouldn't enjoy it... but Overly emotional - Yeah... problems... 


Common sense...the ability to use Critical thinking...self awareness...Empathy....HUGE.....being able to step back from the situation & see where one is missing it...what is the best course...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

MyHappyPlace said:


> My husband is 14 years 1 day older. So on his birthday, he gets to say that he is 15 years my senior but the next day it drops to 14 again. lol It was great when on his 44th birthday he got to tell everyone he was 44 and married to a 29 year old.
> Having the birthdays a day apart is cool. We go out for dinner and drinks on his birthday and come home on mine. Plus at midnight we both get a free drink! lol


Question about your age difference -- has it ever been an issue for you guys or where he thinks you're so much older or you that he's so much older?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Question about your age difference -- has it ever been an issue for you guys or where he thinks you're so much older or you that he's so much older?



It's all about how old one THINKS rather that how old they are...


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

me 35 Hubby 45


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Question about your age difference -- has it ever been an issue for you guys or where he thinks you're so much older or you that he's so much older?


My bet friends H is 14 years older than she is, he is a Frenchman she is N.european, they have a kid that peaks 5 language, they are happy together. 

I know a couple that where the female is 25 years younger, also happy, have a young child together. For them, since the dad is already 50 I don't know how the old age is going to work out for them, but seems they didn't care about that. 

Age is just a number, I am however more surprised when female is 10 or more years older.


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## meg0980 (Dec 25, 2013)

My husband is 12 years older than me. He's 36 and I'm 24, we have been married for 3 years and have 2 children together.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Question about your age difference -- has it ever been an issue for you guys or where he thinks you're so much older or you that he's so much older?



There are so many other problems in our marriage that age is only thought about in terms of "well, once he passes away, I'll at least have a few years to enjoy myself." It's awful that this thought has ever passed through my mind and horrific that it has happened more than once.

The only indication that he is older than me at all is his body is falling apart and he seemingly lacks any energy to do anything with me, but I honestly don't know if that is truly because of his age or just his lack of desire to WANT to do anything with me anymore. So again, the age difference really doesn't matter one way or the other at this point...


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

john117 said:


> It's all about how old one THINKS rather that how old they are...


So true. My husband is 60 and nobody would think he was. He neither looks or ACTS it. Hes a joker and hes so down to earth its unbelivable. Very laid back 

In fact some people would say my teens act more older and more mature.


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## AriYarjan (Mar 21, 2015)

this poll is old and is misleading - overlapping categories.

Basically the norm seems to be male older by anywhere from a couple of years to over 10 years!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

hubby ten months older


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

AriYarjan said:


> this poll is old and is misleading - overlapping categories.
> 
> Basically the norm seems to be male older by anywhere from a couple of years to over 10 years!


22 years in my case:smthumbup:


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

My SO is 15 years 11 months my junior. 99.9% of the time this isn't an issue for us, because she is incredibly refined, sophisticated and educated, so she projects herself as a woman who is much older than her chronological age. Yes, she may look like she's 18, but the way she handles herself she is in her late 30's. Couple this with the fact that I do not look (or act) my age, and we're a natural fit for one another.

However, from time to time I do forget about the age difference, and I will sometimes refer to things in my past which I expect she experienced as well (such as the Blizzard of '78 in New England, or watching the original Star Wars trilogy at the movie theatres)... and she has a correct me with a "uh, hunny, I wasn't even born then..."

In the past, I found the "sweet spot" for dating to be women roughly 10 - 12 years younger than I was. This was principally due to the fact women are more mature then men, so a woman 30 years old would roughly have the same maturity as I did at 40ish.


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## IWantGreatMarriage (May 20, 2014)

H is 5 years, 10 months, 12 days older than me. Before this January, I was thinking it was 3 years, 10 months, 12 days until I found out. And I was thinking I will never marry anyone more than 4 years older.
Funny how everything plays out


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

so other than the fact that those responding to this unscientific survey are all over the map on age difference between spouses, is there anything to be gleaned from this thread? 

The statistically relevant studies indicate that more husbands are the older spouse than the other way around (Current Population Survey), and some evidence that the larger the age gap the more chance the marriage will not last (study at Emory University by Frances and Mialon).

I'm sure some will jump in with exceptions to these statistical studies. I could do so myself as I am 28 years my wife's senior and we've been together for 4 years with a one-year-old and a happy family.

But I tend to think the statistics are probably right - the greater the age gap, the greater the probability that the relationship will have a tougher time lasting. Does that mean age difference relationships should be discouraged?

I think it simply means we need to enter into those marriages eyes wide open and aware of the possible additional pressures that may mean even more attention given to keeping the relationship positive and thriving.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Maneo said:


> so other than the fact that those responding to this unscientific survey are all over the map on age difference between spouses, is there anything to be gleaned from this thread?
> 
> The statistically relevant studies indicate that more husbands are the older spouse than the other way around (Current Population Survey), and some evidence that the larger the age gap the more chance the marriage will not last (study at Emory University by Frances and Mialon).
> 
> ...


Yep..... I am gonna jump .... I am gonna totally disagree with the studies i am afraid.

Like i said i am 38 (39 this year) hubby is 60. I have never been so happy, and i can honestly say i really cant see anything changing at all. 

We have been married 6 years this april and been together over 11 years, he is indeed my soul mate, we just gel well together, and different people we have met, friends, acquaintances, have all said the same how well we go together, and i really could not imagine life without him, I cant remember the last time we argued, or disagreed with anything, and i am being honest, he looks upon my older 3 lads as his own, and is a great father to his own children, I could not ask for a better dad...... 

After being with my 3 older boys dad for 7 unhappy years of my life, I really cant believe how my life has changed (so much for the better). If my husband was to leave god knows what it would be like i think it would be like losing a limb, and i am being deadly serious.

Your relationship is what you make it, I really do not think that age gaps matters at all. Its just a number.


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

She's 38 years old and I'm 10 years older.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm 55, she's 56. Known each other for 33 years.

However, maturity wise she's 75 and I'm 25. 

Emotionally I'm 55 and she's 5 (BPD). 

Physically I'm 60 and she's 40.

So it's not just calendar age....


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## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

I'm 40 she's 33, thing is i look like my age and she looks way way younger thanks to whatever she's using everyday. People think she's a second wife or trophy wife


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

He is 9 years older.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Maneo said:


> I think it simply means we need to enter into those marriages eyes wide open and aware of the possible additional pressures that may mean even more attention given to keeping the relationship positive and thriving.


I don't disagree with the studies, as there are more challenges in an age gap relationship, but it absolutely doesn't mean they can't work out. The more similarities the couple has, the easier it is for them to make things work. More differences cause more problems, as you try to find common ground. 

My husband is 10 years older than I am, is of a different race/ethnicity, and has a different background(grew up in a different country). I went into this marriage knowing that could cause problems for us and we've had some issues in regards to it. It wasn't really a problem between us, but from outside individuals that caused more stress. We may have had to put in more effort at times to make things work, but we're happy. He is a great man and maturity wise, kind of meet in the middle.


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