# Separation looks like only option



## aussiedad (Jun 5, 2012)

We have 2 girls, ages 4.5 and 2.5. Married for 5 years, lived together for 2 years before that. Living in a country town in Oz (about 5000 people) where we both grew up. I am 38, she is 34. We have had some problems in our relationship that would go back to around the time we decided to start a family. I am from divorced parents and hers are still together although don't appear to show much affection to each other. My family were huggers and emotional, and this is the way I am, while hers appear to be able to cope without physical contact, (hugs, "I love you"'s etc. )
I have had issues with depression and have been on medication for about 4 years. She had severe post-natal depression after no.1 which resulted in hospital. Would have been similar with no.2 but we knew the warning signs and took precautions. No longer medicated. In a lot of ways, we are very similar - intelligent, like to be right. She is a planner, likes to know what is going on all the time, whereas I am a bit more carefree and will go with the flow.
A lot of the issues we have had, I had put down to being parents and the stress that goes with that and that as they got older, we would resolve these things and find more time for us. We both live for our kids. Over the time though we have lost respect for each other and the way we speak to each other at times is full of attitude (she thinks this is all me, but I believe that a lot of mine comes from the way I am treated - I know this is destructive). Physical contact is nil. We have been in separate beds for almost a year. I ma still attracted to her, but she shies away from my every touch. I dont care about the sex, I just want to be able to have some sort of contact - holding hands, a hug, an arm around her .... anything.
Unfortunately even though I hoped things would right themselves as the kids got older, it appears as though we have hit an impasse. Separation has been discussed before, we have tried counselling and given it a go, but I have lost hope that she will ever see me again as the man she married. Sometimes I even wonder now if she ever did and that she was more worried of never finding anyone - ie better that she marry me than miss the chance to have a family. I work fulltime, she works two days a week. But it seems as though I am expected to do just as much of the housework as she does. I would say she would even go to the extreme of making plans with other mums/kids to avoid being home and having to do it. Clearly we do not think the same - she blew up at me on the weekend because I didn't empty the washing machine (which I didn't even know had been on. Does anyone else randomly look in the washing machine just in case? 
My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing my girls every night. I know that we will be able to come to an amicable arrangement with regards to sharing them, but it will never be the same. I dont feel as though I have changed much over the years. The things I enjoyed doing then are the same now, however she is so different. She is not interested in any of her old friends and I just cannot remember the last time she looked like she was having fun and enjoying herself. I know how hard she works to be a good mum and she is and I tell her, but I feel so under-appreciated. 
I know without a doubt that there is no third party involvement eg affairs. If it wasn't for the kids I would probably reluctantly agree that we need to go our separate ways. The best solution is for me to move out into a rental, then sell the home we built and she will move into something more affordable. Problem is that there could be some time before a rental property is available so that I can move out - what should I/we do in the meantime?

Sorry if this rant is all over the place, just needed to get it all out there.


----------

