# Looking at women



## magnus (Feb 13, 2013)

Dear married men, I am an unmarried man trying to understand my own feelings as I contemplate how to handle a proposal ultimatum from my girlfriend.

When a woman passes by who I find at least somewhat attractive, I follow her with my gaze. Hoping, I think, to make eye contact, or maybe just to see whether she is as attractive as I thought she was at first glance. Not inspecting her butt or anything, but I want to know if she has a pretty face.

Sometimes, I find myself doing this even when I am with my girlfriend.

Is this a bad sign? Or is this a "reflex" you experience in spite of your happy marriage, and just part of being a warm-blooded man?


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Every straight man, ever, in the history of everything. 
You'll learn to be more subtle but you'll never stop. Blame God.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I agree with SoWhat. It's normal but if you don't want to catch hell for it, be less obvious. Seems like you're doing it quite often if your GF has mentioned an "ultimatum"... Which was???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It's totally normal to look at an attractive woman,_ but following her with your gaze, hoping to make eye contact,_ is pretty disrespectful if you're doing this whilst with your GF.


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## N_chanted (Nov 11, 2012)

Every man i know does this. H3ll, when a hot guy is walking by, i check him out too. 
The difference, i dont STARE, i continue a conversation without pausing mid sentance, i dont slobber down my chin (usually) and my mouth doesnt drop open. 

Just be discreet.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

The trick for us is that the wife picks the girls.

"On your left at the meat department"

"Coming down the stairs with the red hot pants"

And what both of us found really funny is that Dr. Phil's wife does the same thing. That's a pretty good recommendation. 


I don't slink and hide. I smile at them and might even say hello. She picks the best looking check-out girl at the grocery store and we almost always make some joke out of it.

I'll tell my wife in front of the check-out girl "She's flirting with me" or some other silly thing and it never fails to make them smile or offer a joke in return.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

The pair of you have a problem. You stare in order to make eye contact, what the heck for? You have a GF why do you need this sort of connection with other women?

She has given you an ultimatum. OK IMO ultimatums are a form of control, better to compromise.

My partner checks out other women, it is all good by me because I want a hot blooded man by my side. If he were to follow them with his gaze and try and make eye contact with them I would find that very off putting.
I check out other guys, it is no big deal but some respect goes along way. Gazing for eye contact, nope not a good thing.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

IMHO it sounds like you may have poor boundaries because you instinctively try to make eye contact. Please don't have a bachelor party.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I get wanting to see if she checks you out too or gives you 'a look'.

But this smacks of neediness. I know. I used to be that way.

What I did was start to work on myself in confidence and in physical attractiveness to BE looked at and approached...and I no longer needed to pray that she would want me.

Be subtle. Desire their reaction less. Be confident. Appreciated the fact that you have someone who wants you enough to be a bit controlling.

But don't knuckle under without careful consideration.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Looking is fine/normal/healthy...trying to get eye contact and prolonging the stare is disrespectful to your GF and I doubt the other woman will enjoy it either. I know that kind of thing is unwelcome in my world and I'd think you were an absolute and complete cad if your GF was sitting next you.

It's really humiliating to be with a man who does this... makes your women feeling like cr*p.


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## magnus (Feb 13, 2013)

Thanks for your responses. Sounds like the symptoms fit the diagnosis of being male!

@Wiserforit: what a fun way for you two to manage this instinct 

I am covert about this when I am with my girlfriend. But the urge to look is something fierce.

The ultimatum in question is that in the next few months I must propose or ship out. But that is a whole other story. I am just trying to "notice" things about my behavior that might help me understand my feelings. Apparently this one is non-diagnostic.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

magnus said:


> Thanks for your responses. Sounds like the symptoms fit the diagnosis of being male!
> 
> @Wiserforit: what a fun way for you two to manage this instinct
> 
> ...


I would be thinking seriously about shipping out. Don't ever let someone force you into marriage.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

magnus said:


> Thanks for your responses. Sounds like the symptoms fit the diagnosis of being male!


Or female. Women notice the attractiveness of other men, too, Magnus, but most of us know better than to be obvious about it 

I doubt that many men would be happy with his partner trying to catch the eye of other men when they are out. If she did, and the other man returned her gaze and smiled back, it's my guess that most men would be livid.

Discretion is all that's needed


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## magnus (Feb 13, 2013)

Reading these responses further, it seems I may have focused only on the ones consistent with what I wanted to believe. So then, it is equally possible I am having trouble closing off the idea of other women as potential partners, as FalconKing might suggest. My concern is that part of me is saying "I am not ready for this" or "you are looking for your true partner".

Don't worry, I am not doing this in a manner disrespectful to my girlfriend or the women in question. It is the origin of this behavior within me of this behavior I feel is of biggest concern. Or not of concern.

Thanks again for your responses.

@Holland, I am giving that thought, but I don't hold this against her. For various reasons I won't go into here, I feel her need for commitment is reasonable.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

invest in sunglasses


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

My DH looks at other women all the time. So do I. Sometimes we point them out to each other. I don't mind, I know I'm hot and that he loves me LOL. I look at other men but I'm less obvious about it as he is more sensitive about me looking at men than I am about him looking at women.


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## Gabey (Feb 20, 2013)

I don't speak for men, I speak for myself.

I love women, but I love my wife more than anything. To me, the female body is THE most beautiful thing God created. My wife knows this and appreciates that I am a man and understands my behavior. She also trusts me as I do her.

So when we're together in the mall and a Kate Upton clone should happen to pass us by, I know her eyes will be on me to laugh about it and tease me later. And if I just happen to catch the Victoria's Secret Fashion show on TV and that gets my little boys swimming faster, guess who is going to benefit from it?

My adorable, sexy wife!


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## Gabey (Feb 20, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> My DH looks at other women all the time. So do I. Sometimes we point them out to each other. I don't mind, I know I'm hot and that he loves me LOL. I look at other men but I'm less obvious about it as he is more sensitive about me looking at men than I am about him looking at women.


I didn't know my wife posts here too! Just kidding, but you post as if she would.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I like to drift apart from my wife in the grocery store or mall and see the men turning around to check her butt out.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Magnus....how many women have you been with in your life, sexually?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> I like to drift apart from my wife in the grocery store or mall and see the men turning around to check her butt out.


This is good. I know SO likes it when men check me out, it makes him feel all King Kong like and that gives me a little thrill. I like it that he wants to show me off.

I very much like it when other women look at him. It is all healthy stuff, we know the boundaries and where the line of respect is. Then again I am all for flirting within boundaries as well.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw0XE7U3KlA

From 40 year old virgin, LEARN TO USE YOUR PERIPHERALS!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

After having sex 3 times in 2 hours I hop in my car and head for work...An attractive woman enters the crosswak and OHHHH HELLO! Its just a guy thing...But I think eye contact is in a way disrespectful....It is more than checking it out, it is "Maybe later"!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

magnus said:


> Dear married men, I am an unmarried man trying to understand my own feelings as I contemplate how to handle a proposal ultimatum from my girlfriend.
> 
> When a woman passes by who I find at least somewhat attractive, I follow her with my gaze. Hoping, I think, to make eye contact, or maybe just to see whether she is as attractive as I thought she was at first glance. Not inspecting her butt or anything, but I want to know if she has a pretty face.
> 
> ...


You are not ready to marry yet.

Doing this when with your GF in an obvious manner is disrespectful.

And actually seeking out a woman to look into her eyes is even more forward than noticing her butt.

You have not found your woman yet. You are still looking for her.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

*Not having read the other responses, I would find it most disturbing to have my SO doing this. No, actually I've never had an date/SO to do this, but I've seen men do this. And it's creeepy. 

If it is obvious that you are staring at someone, it's rude. Period. Female, male, fat, old, ugly, beautiful, handicapped, etc. No difference. Don't stare at people.*


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Every man I know, even happily married notices. Hell women notice hot men too they just don't like to admit it imo.

So yeah, it is normal but, if you cannot be discreet and it is bothering your SO, you have a problem. A quick second glance is one ting, staring is another.

ETA; oh and seeking eye contact. Dude, just no. Your supposedly with your love ffs. Noticing is fine, seeking is another matter


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