# A limbo that I am caught in separation very soon after getting married



## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Hi all,

My wife and I were happily married last year in October. I had put lots of hopes in it as I guessed that we would spend our life together for the rest of our life.

But things went sour very soon after. My wife started going out a lot a month after our wedding with her drunken hooligan-like friends (her particular partying troop) a lot, though she agreed that I could drive to the town to pick her up in the morning and such (Strangely, she did not do partying a lot before we were married. She liked staying at home with me for just having a couple of drinks and we shared our thoughts about work and planned to go to wherever place for our date nights).

As her drinking habit continued, she became very snappy at me though I made a very small mistake for cleaning up the worktop in the kitchen (Trust me, I did work and I had to do housework and cookery most of time). Especially in New Year's Eve in 2016, after I witnessed (I did not drink at all as I had to drive) one of her friends was misbehavouring like a cretinous idiot by trying to strip the clothes of a lady who passed out, nicking my wife's tobaccos off her handbag and randomly checking her phone too at the house party, I discussed with my wife in regard to this matter. My wife once again got snappy at me and blaming me for being too cynical, while she said she was not going to lose her friends and such, disregarding his despicable behaviour though some may say what he had done was a bit cheeky and naughty. After that, we ended up having arguments again.

3 days after, my wife went to her friend for a movie night. I thought things were settled and such. However, she did not come back home till midnight (Usually she did not hang out till late when she got work another day). Then when she came back, she did not even apologise and blamed me for heading out to grab some drinks off the garage (I was royally pissed off for her not being reasonable lately so I needed some drinks) without giving her response, whilst I was driving.

A week after, once again I thought the dust were settled, she came back home from work, and told me to cook because she wanted to go out and stay over at her friend's for a night. Usually she'd be quite tired after a long day on Saturday. However she was hysterically energetic like never before. I was sorting my document work and I told her that it was not very respectful to instruct me in such a manner that she wanted to go out and get intoxicated, regardless of how busy I was. Then we lashed out at each other once again as I mentioned to her whether she had no home to stay or not.....Then I went out to get drunk, which I rarely did since we were together. I stayed in the hotel for two nights just for giving myself some space to clear my head up.

Then I went back home, she came back home too. She apologised for her snappiness. And she claimed that she might have depression and such. She went to the doctor the day after and got some prescriptions. We went to our long-waited honeymoon on the following weekend.

During our honeymoon, her health situation's rather unsettling due to the side-effect from the anti-depressant. However, her behaviour were very strange and she always wanted to stay in the room than venturing out to see places and such. She needed wifi constantly. Few days after, I had found out that she was flirting with a woman who was friend of us (My wife knew her at her hen's do. I knew her since the wedding). I questioned her whether she fancied her or not. She said yes. Then I asked her to choose either of us. She said she could not (Strangely, she went to the movie night with that woman and stayed over at that woman's place when she was so eager to go out on the weekend, instructing me to do all the dinner before she could have her venture of "having an affair"). I was utterly fueled with anger that I phoned up my in-laws and sought any solutions. Meanwhile, my wife constantly stressed that nothing happened between them. Then again, I did wonder whether the alcohol had done the magic for them to facilitate their affair.

After honeymoon, my in-laws intervened in this situation. However, it seemed that my wife dug her heels in regardless of how we felt. At the same time, my in-laws felt that they all looked silly while their daughter constantly did it behind our backs while we were having meal together on the day we came back. What was utterly shocking was that my wife then said that she has become a lesbian....(She was ALWAYS know as bi-sexual).My in-laws were both extremely frustrated and infuriated, while I was feeling so hysterically anguished.

She then lived in the woman she had affair with 2 weeks after staying over at her friends. She even celebrated Valentine's day with her and organised birthday party for her, with the help from the bridesmaid of our wedding too, who I asked helps from after things went all wrong. I felt backstabbed and betrayed at a maximal level. Plus, the bridesmaid was a facilitator who went out with my wife getting pissed a lot. She had bad reputation herself - she got a child who is suffering from partial bodily paralysis and she led a rather irresponsible lifestyle by partying like a retarded hooligan. 


Now I am caught in the limbo. After I have done whatever the best for her, fulfilling any of her demands, I constantly question myself that why our marriage did not even last more than 3 months. After I have done lots of counselling and such as I have experienced great deals of anxiety and depression issues....as well as insomnia, I still am not able to get back on track. I even question myself why trying to maintain the best for her (I would not say I am perfect, but I did whatever I could to allow her to deserve the very best out of me) has ended up deserving infidelity. Besides, I had covered all her living and travelling expense, bills and such when we were together, to ensure that she lived comfortably...but it seemed that all my efforts were all in vain. I do not even know what I should do now as I still have a bit of hopes for this marriage, because I kind of believe that her parting from me would be just a phase. But it has been 8 months so far....I am still in the limbo.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Confused?...she has an affair on you, she spend all her free time with her friends, expecting you to just sit at home babysitting her kid, shows no remorse and your confused....what part of being a doormat do you not understand...walk away from her...she is a train wreck


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Gladly we do not have kids......


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

I am still confused for the fact that she said she has become a lesbian. Why would she ever walked down to the aisle on our wedding if she were lesbian.....


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

I don't understand why you wrote that you're in limbo. Your situation is painful and I feel for you, but it is clear that you need to divorce, learn from missing the many signs that you must have overlooked, and then move on to your life's next adventure.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

In gay parlance there is a term called a beard.Basically a gay man who hasn’t came out would have a woman friend who would act like his girlfriend but she knew he was gay.She is known as a beard.
There is no difference in the term whether it’s applied to gay men or women.
You were unwittingly your wife’s beard,now she is married she feels she can be open about being a lesbian and still have the respectability of a husband at home.This is what your wife is,a gay woman who is married to a man.
I don’t know where you live or if you are religious but you may be able to get an annulment,otherwise divorce because this will never end.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> I am still confused for the fact that she said she has become a lesbian. Why would she ever walked down to the aisle on our wedding if she were lesbian.....


Maybe she thought that you were the smart choice or maybe she was trying to make her lover jealous. People like your wife often do not think deeply, especially about how their actions will affect other people.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Whenever she's going out and then going to a "friends house," for a sleepover, she's letting the alcohol spread her thighs open up for somebody else so that you can't lay witness to the drama!

Give her a little drama of her own! Like a divorce court summons! 

See your lawyer ASAP!*


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> In gay parlance there is a term called a beard.Basically a gay man who hasn’t came out would have a woman friend who would act like his girlfriend but she knew he was gay.She is known as a beard.
> There is no difference in the term whether it’s applied to gay men or women.
> You were unwittingly your wife’s beard,now she is married she feels she can be open about being a lesbian and still have the respectability of a husband at home.This is what your wife is,a gay woman who is married to a man.
> I don’t know where you live or if you are religious but you may be able to get an annulment,otherwise divorce because this will never end.


That's just repellently selfish. Actually she was known as bi-sexual all the time. I do not know how sexuality can sway from one way to the other so easily.....


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> Maybe she thought that you were the smart choice or maybe she was trying to make her lover jealous. People like your wife often do not think deeply, especially about how their actions will affect other people.


I did ask her why she'd married me if she thought she is a lesbian. Then she said she did really love me.....


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

I guess I was naive enough for believing in her thoroughly. I thought she'd be the one who would change my view of marriage as I was brought up in a divorced family. (My parents were divorced in a very terrible term and such)....Love is blind like they said.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

If you're in limbo you are keeping yourself there.

When will you file or get an annulment ?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> I did ask her why she'd married me if she thought she is a lesbian. Then she said she did really love me.....


...and then proceeded to treat you like crap. That's not love


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> That's just repellently selfish. Actually she was known as bi-sexual all the time. I do not know how sexuality can sway from one way to the other so easily.....


I know a lot of gay and bisexual people and I have lived with my lesbian best friend and her partner for years.I have never met a bisexual person who wasn’t more inclined towards homosexuality than heterosexuality but that is just my experience,I’m sure opinions differ.
You say it is repellantly selfish and I agree with you.
Doesn’t change anything though.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Malaise said:


> If you're in limbo you are keeping yourself there.
> 
> When will you file or get an annulment ?


Not sure annulment would be an option as we were legally married, unless I have had enough evidence to prove that she is completely lesbian. Like my best friend said, she only wanted the wedding than the marriage as she could allow herself to shine above the stars......

And she is quite narcissistic-ally materialistic too....which I eventually have found out....


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> I know a lot of gay and bisexual people and I have lived with my lesbian best friend and her partner for years.I have never met a bisexual person who wasn’t more inclined towards homosexuality than heterosexuality but that is just my experience,I’m sure opinions differ.
> You say it is repellantly selfish and I agree with you.
> Doesn’t change anything though.


I think I am quite realistic in this matter. But one thing which is for sure is that I am not assured of how long would it take to enable me to crawl out of the fire which has anguished me so long.....


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> I did ask her why she'd married me if she thought she is a lesbian. Then she said she did really love me.....


You already know that someone who actually does love you wouldn't treat you like this. Yes, you were naive and probably ignored some signs, but almost all of us have been guilty of that to some degree.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

When people show you who they are, believe them.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> I think I am quite realistic in this matter. But one thing which is for sure is that I am not assured of how long would it take to enable me to crawl out of the fire which has anguished me so long.....


You were a victim of a bait and switch sting by your wife with the help of her friends it seems.
It’s now up to you how long you are prepared to be a victim.
Again,you are married to a lesbian who is prepared to have heterosexual sex occasionally for appearance sake.When she feels you may be pulling away for instance.
You say she is materialistic,why are you putting up with any of her crap.What is your financial status now,who earns the most and what about your home,is it rented,mortgaged or what.If you are still paying her travel expenses then stop right now.
You need to wake up my friend because you are being walked over here and it gives me no pleasure to tell you this.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> You were a victim of a bait and switch sting by your wife with the help of her friends it seems.
> It’s now up to you how long you are prepared to be a victim.
> Again,you are married to a lesbian who is prepared to have heterosexual sex occasionally for appearance sake.When she feels you may be pulling away for instance.
> You say she is materialistic,why are you putting up with any of her crap.What is your financial status now,who earns the most and what about your home,is it rented,mortgaged or what.If you are still paying her travel expenses then stop right now.
> You need to wake up my friend because you are being walked over here and it gives me no pleasure to tell you this.


Well, we have lived apart since February as she made up her mind that she wanna have a new adventure with the woman who she has been having affair with. I have not contributed anything financially for her since then either. I am kind of awake, while feeling rather anguished. There are just too many "what ifs" in my head at the moment. Literally, I have done zero contributions for her as I know that would foster her shamelessness. I kind of gather that you feel slightly agitated for the things I have done for her. I am just...so emotionally traumatized to the point that I have not been able to focus on my work since and it is still ongoing. I have consulted my counselor for a while and things are still not going back on track. My counselor said it would take time to allow me to retrieve the trust in romance again. I have also developed lots of trust issues and such, and I tend to isolate myself from socialising sphere as well.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> Well, we have lived apart since February as she made up her mind that she wanna have a new adventure with the woman who she has been having affair with. I have not contributed anything financially for her since then either. I am kind of awake, while feeling rather anguished. There are just too many "what ifs" in my head at the moment. Literally, I have done zero contributions for her as I know that would foster her shamelessness. I kind of gather that you feel slightly agitated for the things I have done for her. I am just...so emotionally traumatized to the point that I have not been able to focus on my work since and it is still ongoing. I have consulted my counselor for a while and things are still not going back on track. My counselor said it would take time to allow me to retrieve the trust in romance again. I have also developed lots of trust issues and such, and I tend to isolate myself from socialising sphere as well.


The reason I seem agitated to you is because I am.I hate to see any man deceived by a manipulative liar and unfortunately for you you were.The added bonus of her “friends” helping her deceive you triggered me a little,I had my own troubles with my partners friends.
I think that seeing as your wife has been gone since February it’s time for you to pick yourself up because nobody else is going to help.Go and see a lawyer and have your wife served.She is gone and you could never trust her again.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> Well, we have lived apart since February as she made up her mind that she wanna have a new adventure with the woman who she has been having affair with. I have not contributed anything financially for her since then either. I am kind of awake, while feeling rather anguished. There are just too many "what ifs" in my head at the moment. Literally, I have done zero contributions for her as I know that would foster her shamelessness. I kind of gather that you feel slightly agitated for the things I have done for her. I am just...so emotionally traumatized to the point that I have not been able to focus on my work since and it is still ongoing. I have consulted my counselor for a while and things are still not going back on track. My counselor said it would take time to allow me to retrieve the trust in romance again. I have also developed lots of trust issues and such, and I tend to isolate myself from socialising sphere as well.


Detach yourself from her. Do not have anything to do with her again. The trauma will not have a chance to improve as long as you are still attached to her in any way. Get help for the trauma, so you can move forward with your life in a healthy manner and not get into a bad relationship again.

And please look into annulment before filing for divorce. You may not have to divorce her as your marriage was based on a lie. That's what annulment is for.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> The reason I seem agitated to you is because I am.I hate to see any man deceived by a manipulative liar and unfortunately for you you were.The added bonus of her “friends” helping her deceive you triggered me a little,I had my own troubles with my partners friends.
> I think that seeing as your wife has been gone since February it’s time for you to pick yourself up because nobody else is going to help.Go and see a lawyer and have your wife served.She is gone and you could never trust her again.


You know at one point I was so naive and stupid enough to think we would be able to fix the marriage. But she kept stressing that it would not be the same and such while carrying on her madness with the woman who she has been having affair with. Literally she has infuriated lots of people. I have got lots of moral supports from my best friends. However she seems to try to twist some of my friends' arms to make them become her PR stunts.

One of my best friends has constantly told me that she's manipulating me even when we were not engaged.......I should have listened.

Seeing a lawyer would be my primary option when I am emotionally back on track.......Work has been killing me lately.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

CynthiaDe said:


> Detach yourself from her. Do not have anything to do with her again. The trauma will not have a chance to improve as long as you are still attached to her in any way. Get help for the trauma, so you can move forward with your life in a healthy manner and not get into a bad relationship again.
> 
> And please look into annulment before filing for divorce. You may not have to divorce her as your marriage was based on a lie. That's what annulment is for.


Still she occasionally tries to have a bit of interaction with me. I feel like I have been a pawn in her game of getting attention and such.......

Many thanks for your advice. I would look into them.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

The sooner you file the lower the chances of any ongoing financial commitment will be. I still think there would be a strong case for annulment.. Married under a year and no kids, the choice is very clear and there is absolutely nothing that can be gained by waiting.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

frigdit,

We keep hearing about her.

What about you?


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

bankshot1993 said:


> The sooner you file the lower the chances of any ongoing financial commitment will be. I still think there would be a strong case for annulment.. Married under a year and no kids, the choice is very clear and there is absolutely nothing that can be gained by waiting.


At the moment there're so many things going on. Actually I have to spend a huge majority of my income for my daily expense, keeping the flat and others. I am not at a decent financial situation to have legal consultancy for now....I will just have to wait for a while.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

ReturntoZero said:


> frigdit,
> 
> We keep hearing about her.
> 
> What about you?


Me? I have said I am not perfect....but I have done whatever I could to ensure her happiness and such, while doing anything to fulfill her demands. 

She might get tired of my responsible lifestyle...who knows. There are just way too many "what ifs"....


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

It's possible she didn't really know she was a lesbian until after you married. Her depression could be symptomatic of her repression of herself.
Maybe she was raised to believe it's wrong and immoral? Or she genuinely cared for you and then when she realised it she couldn't handle it (hence the drinking and pushing you away).

Did you have a sexual relationship before marriage?


ETA: I just saw your update about her being bisexual. In that case she has had an affair and possibly always was. Divorce and move on.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> Me? I have said I am not perfect....but I have done whatever I could to ensure her happiness and such, while doing anything to fulfill her demands.
> 
> She might get tired of my responsible lifestyle...who knows. There are just way too many "what ifs"....


You don't understand my question.

What are you DOING for you?

Gym membership? Counseling? Exercise? 

We know what she is. We're worried about you.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

ReturntoZero said:


> You don't understand my question.
> 
> What are you DOING for you?
> 
> ...


I have done counseling for the last 6 months and it is still ongoing. I am not really a gym person plus I am always busy with my additional courses for continuous personal development besides work.

Many thanks for your concerns. I really appreciate it.....


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

LaReine said:


> It's possible she didn't really know she was a lesbian until after you married. Her depression could be symptomatic of her repression of herself.
> Maybe she was raised to believe it's wrong and immoral? Or she genuinely cared for you and then when she realised it she couldn't handle it (hence the drinking and pushing you away).
> 
> Did you have a sexual relationship before marriage?
> ...


We did have sexual relationship when we were together. It all went downhill since the beginning of this year as she just did not want it anymore.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> We did have sexual relationship when we were together. It all went downhill since the beginning of this year as she just did not want it anymore.




Ya that question was asked before I read the bisexual bit.

I'm bisexual. I don't cheat. 


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

LaReine said:


> Ya that question was asked before I read the bisexual bit.
> 
> I'm bisexual. I don't cheat.
> 
> ...


I do wonder whether she used "I think I am a lesbian" as a rhetorical tactic to validate her affair. In all honesty, it utterly annihilates my faith in marriage from then. Even if our marriage were dissolved, I would not dare to go through anything like marriage anymore....


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> I do wonder whether she used "I think I am a lesbian" as a rhetorical tactic to validate her affair. In all honesty, it utterly annihilates my faith in marriage from then. Even if our marriage were dissolved, I would not dare to go through anything like marriage anymore....




To be fair, the marriage isn't the issue... it's the people in it


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Sorry to be harsh on you, but based on your posts you seem to be a weak individual, with very little self confidence to be able to stand for yourself in the face of inaceptable behavior by females involved with you.
Whether you knew or not at the onset of your marriage that your wife was a lesbian, your weak responses to the shenanigans of your wife, demonstrates that you need to learn how to be a man and act and respond with confidence and decisiveness, so that in your next relationship (s) you'll be able to show strength, and make quick immediate decisions, while keeping your pride and self-worth intact. 

Right now you're still pinning in the slim hope she would return to you. She's a lesbian or bisexual, why you a heterosexual male would want to have a relationship with someone like that?


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Rob_1 said:


> Sorry to be harsh on you, but based on your posts you seem to be a weak individual, with very little self confidence to be able to stand for yourself in the face of inaceptable behavior by females involved with you.
> Whether you knew or not at the onset of your marriage that your wife was a lesbian, your weak responses to the shenanigans of your wife, demonstrates that you need to learn how to be a man and act and respond with confidence and decisiveness, so that in your next relationship (s) you'll be able to show strength, and make quick immediate decisions, while keeping your pride and self-worth intact.
> 
> Right now you're still pinning in the slim hope she would return to you. She's a lesbian or bisexual, why you a heterosexual male would want to have a relationship with someone like that?


In all honesty, I am quite a relentless person myself knowing what I want. To lots of extents, I am nobody's fool. But when it comes to someone I love and family, I am rather fragile. The whole marriage wreckage has made me reflect on the relationships that I had since my first love. It seemed to prove your points - I was not being too decisive while trying to be good "soft" on my wife. She's quite self-absorbed and stubborn person. There were literally no other approaches to make us both happy when it came to whether I should let her constantly go out with her drunken hooligan troop and get drunk like a skank. 

I do agree with you that I am still pinning the slim hope. However, the reality is that there's no possibility for reconciliation between us. So I could only be left a bit confused while she has a the fun with the woman she has been having affair with. She was bisexual of course. Then when the whole wreckage of our marriage initialised, she said she became a lesbian, which, to me, was a rhetorical tactic to validate her mistake.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I personally know two women who loved their husbands as people, thought they could be married, have families, and be content living as heterosexuals. They were both wrong. They both eventually got to the point where they just couldn't fake it anymore and they both left their marriages to be with women.

Honestly, I think your sex life dried up after marriage because the reality of being a gay women expected to have sex with a man for years and years on end hit her and she started to realize that she just couldn't do it.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> I personally know two women who loved their husbands as people, thought they could be married, have families, and be content living as heterosexuals. They were both wrong. They both eventually got to the point where they just couldn't fake it anymore and they both left their marriages to be with women.
> 
> Honestly, I think your sex life dried up after marriage because the reality of being a gay women expected to have sex with a man for years and years on end hit her and she started to realize that she just couldn't do it.


Well, I disapprove of those who "fake" it. What is the point to go through all this when someone realizes he/she is homosexual? Faking it while eventually inflicting others who love them, doing whatever they can do ensure their happiness, is extremely selfish and unjustifiable.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> Well, I disapprove of those who "fake" it. What is the point to go through all this when someone realizes he/she is homosexual? Faking it while eventually inflicting others who love them, doing whatever they can do ensure their happiness, is extremely selfish and unjustifiable.


Then file for divorce.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> Well, I disapprove of those who "fake" it. What is the point to go through all this when someone realizes he/she is homosexual? Faking it while eventually inflicting others who love them, doing whatever they can do ensure their happiness, is extremely selfish and unjustifiable.


You need to understand how difficult accepting homosexuality is for some people. Especially for those who are religious and raised to believe homosexuality is a grave sin against God. Remember, we still live in a world where being homosexual gets folks beaten, ostracized from their faith communities, and shunned by friends and family.

Neither of the women I know who "faked it" did so maliciously. They honestly believed they were doing what was right. They were raised to believe that people grew up, met an opposite sex partner, married, and had children. They were taught that this is the natural order of things and anything outside that natural order is wrong, abnormal, sinful. They honestly thought that they were capable of suppressing their own needs and desires for the rest of their lives, that they could eke out some contentment, and were also devastated when they realized they just couldn't do it and would have to divorce and face the world, hoping for acceptance from society and their families.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> You need to understand how difficult accepting homosexuality is for some people. Especially for those who are religious and raised to believe homosexuality is a grave sin against God. Remember, we still live in a world where being homosexual gets folks beaten, ostracized from their faith communities, and shunned by friends and family.
> 
> Neither of the women I know who "faked it" did so maliciously. They honestly believed they were doing what was right. They were raised to believe that people grew up, met an opposite sex partner, married, and had children. They were taught that this is the natural order of things and anything outside that natural order is wrong, abnormal, sinful. They honestly thought that they were capable of suppressing their own needs and desires for the rest of their lives, that they could eke out some contentment, and were also devastated when they realized they just couldn't do it and would have to divorce and face the world, hoping for acceptance from society and their families.


I totally understand it, structurally. But to an individual scale, my wife was not raised in the religious environment and pretty much my in-laws do not fuss about sexuality. She used to be with a woman years ago (the longest relationship she ever had). She had casual dates with few different men before we met and got together. For me, her stating that she has become a lesbian was more or less a rhetorical tactic to validate her affair with the other woman.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Why have you not filed for divorce? Your posts here are quiet painful to read. Why are you putting up with this? Do you want your cheating 'bride' back?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> I totally understand it, structurally. But to an individual scale, my wife was not raised in the religious environment and pretty much my in-laws do not fuss about sexuality. She used to be with a woman years ago (the longest relationship she ever had). She had casual dates with few different men before we met and got together. For me, her stating that she has become a lesbian was more or less a rhetorical tactic to validate her affair with the other woman.


Maybe it was a tactic to validate the affair. Maybe she has been struggling with accepting her sexuality and accepting that she isn't fated to be a heterosexual wife and mother like the vast majority of women she has seen her whole life. Either way, she's a lesbian and your marriage exists only on paper. That is something you'll have to sort out.

When a woman tells you her longest lasting relationship has been with another woman and that she has only casually dated a few men since, consider that a glaring red flag and run to the nearest exit.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

@MJJEAN has hit the nail on the head.

I'm bisexual but my longest relationship (pre-hubby) was with a man. (So hubby figured that was my preference). 
If I had then ended up with a woman, I would expect her to be nervous that I would eventually want a man.

Likewise with your wife, her longest relationship was with a woman and then she was casual with some men... that would have been enough for me to believe she would eventually want a woman.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Just so we're clear, you kicked her out and changed the locks there is no reason for her to be back in the flat.....and if you have not done so...get off your butt and stop acting like a tool.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> Maybe it was a tactic to validate the affair. Maybe she has been struggling with accepting her sexuality and accepting that she isn't fated to be a heterosexual wife and mother like the vast majority of women she has seen her whole life. Either way, she's a lesbian and your marriage exists only on paper. That is something you'll have to sort out.
> 
> When a woman tells you her longest lasting relationship has been with another woman and that she has only casually dated a few men since, consider that a glaring red flag and run to the nearest exit.


Actually I didn't know that until the very end when my in-laws said her longest relationship was with a woman. Apparently they broke up about 8 years ago and her ex-girlfriend ended up getting married 3 months after. I am not sure whether our wedding was a bait which she could use as a "revenge" to her ex-girlfriend. She had few casual dates with men and she was in relationship with men before. I thought for her the attractiveness from men and women were 50:50 in a spectrum. Things came out of blue like they said. I have been and am just too naive.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Just so we're clear, you kicked her out and changed the locks there is no reason for her to be back in the flat.....and if you have not done so...get off your butt and stop acting like a tool.


She rarely came back to the flat anyway as she has been living at that marriage wrecker's place since she decided that she has become a lesbian. Nonetheless, she took lots of stuff away, including the "legacy" (stuff I bought for her) of ours. I guess pretty much she has lost any sense of feeling ashamed and conscience. It has brought me to the attention that her girlfriend cannot get her anything slightly "fanciful". Hence it might be a reason that she wanted to do so.

I might change the lock at some point.....


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

The other woman is not a marriage wrecker, your wife is.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

fridgitsunrise11 said:


> She rarely came back to the flat anyway as she has been living at that marriage wrecker's place since she decided that she has become a lesbian. Nonetheless, she took lots of stuff away, including the "legacy" (stuff I bought for her) of ours. I guess pretty much she has lost any sense of feeling ashamed and conscience. It has brought me to the attention that her girlfriend cannot get her anything slightly "fanciful". Hence it might be a reason that she wanted to do so.
> 
> I might change the lock at some point.....


The other woman didn't kidnap your wife she went willingly. You were baited into this marriage and you need to take steps to get out of it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

so i have to ask is there some magical unicorn your waiting for that will make this all right....honestly and i don't mean to piss you off, but your acting like a doormat, and less of a man. So you have been had, your not the first person nor will you be the last person, it sucks, but what you do now tell the world what kind of man you are, and frankly right now you acting less of man than your wife's girlfriend. time to grow your balls back and move on...and for god's sake change the locks tomorrow.


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## fridgitsunrise11 (Oct 2, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> so i have to ask is there some magical unicorn your waiting for that will make this all right....honestly and i don't mean to piss you off, but your acting like a doormat, and less of a man. So you have been had, your not the first person nor will you be the last person, it sucks, but what you do now tell the world what kind of man you are, and frankly right now you acting less of man than your wife's girlfriend. time to grow your balls back and move on...and for god's sake change the locks tomorrow.


I will. I just need some time to pick myself up. I do have to act like nobody's fool from now on.

Meanwhile, I have found her infidelity extremely unacceptable. I will have to do whatever things to serve me right.


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