# Wife wanted Dildo"Enjoyed it but Now wont Play



## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

So were a happily married couple with Childeren and no Medical problems and are in good Health.

My wife used to be HD as i am now and always was.
Over the past few years she became LD and i expected that things would go this way but not to the Lowest Point of 0.1

She has never taken a Medical contraceptive.

She is not a devout Christian or other Faith.

Anyway one day we were sexually teasing each other Verbally and She mentioned she would like to get a Dildo and a much much BIGGER one than my size so i said No problem lets have a look together.

She previously had a Rabbit but didn't enjoy its Unusual movements and only used it twice.

So we had a look and she picked out one,We used measuring tape to get a better idea of its dimensions and we clicked BUY.

A few nights after it arrived She asked me to get it out.

Boy did she enjoy it and I was surprised by her reactions and i loved them too.:smthumbup:
The next day i asked her how was it "intense" was her answer, i told her how much i enjoyed using it with her and if she wished to include it again id have no problems.
She said she thought it would hurt my feelings and i told her again it doesn't hurt my feelings at all and if it gives her pleasure we can continue.

Over the next two Months we used it a further 3 times and each time it was "More Intense" for her again.:smthumbup:
There was a definite improvement in the amount of Sex we were having too without the Dildo included

Then month 4 came and we had sex once/No Dildo.
Month 5 came and we had sex once/No Dildo.
I being a typical man asked what's on her mind and why the lack of interest in Sex recently.

Her reply was a "Shrug"
I said i had noticed she was more Active when we had included the Toy and we had not included it recently and if she needed some time alone id have no problem Then she snarled "I don't want it"
So i backed off and didn't bring it up again for a while.
another 3 months went by and we had sex maybe 3 or 4 times without the toy involved.

So again i asked her about her feelings using the Toy i thought it had improved our frequency and her pleasure and even took off pressure for me to perform when i was tired and if it was so "Intense" why deny yourself pleasure when its not hurting anyone. Her reply was "i dont know i just dont want it"

At one point i had suspicions that she was using it on her own and ive no objections to her doing that at all. But after watching were and how the toy was placed i know its not being used and i know she is not having an affair.

So my question is Why would someone in good health and mind Deny themselves Sexual Pleasure and to let that trickle into your Relationship with your spouse for no clear reason.
Most people ether Masturbate in or out of a relationship and this is a healthy option if no other option is available.

At this point i feel the only reason we have sex now is just to keep me Happy and if that's the case then 2 or 3 times a month wont keep me happy

Could you Deny yourself for no reason.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Maybe she is starting to feel like she enjoys it more than your penis?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Whats with the random capitalization?


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Dunno.

Thanks for putting that themesong into my head.

You need to investigate more, and then come back to us. There is so far no rational explanation to explain her behaviour. See you soon !


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

Maybe she feels guilty, or embarrassed about enjoying it so much.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

She could be masturbating without the dildo. 

As for why she liked it then didn't like it - maybe she thought you were pushing it on her or overusing it. Maybe the size became uncomfortable. As in by 'intense' it bruised her cervix. Perhaps she's mad at you over something or holding a grudge. 

Honestly i would think the lack of sex has nothing to do with the dildo and she probably gives it no thought. I imagine there is something else going on with her.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just a guess. Could she have been thinking of another guy when it was being used.

Her reaction almost seems like she doesn't like herself for some reason.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Thanks for the Reply.

Its weird that someone would deny such a thing.


Maybe she did enjoy it more than Me but that would not explane Her increased desire for Me alone.


CaPitAlizaTion...WHO CARES.:scratchhead:


I will investigate deeper..there's something to be explained ?

Maybe she does feel guilty or embarrassed its definitely a bit of the puzzle

True she could be masturbating without it. No the Intense was the the GOOD type of Intense :smthumbup: i made sure that if she felt uncomfortable its to stop.

Id have no problem if she was thinking of someone else..what you don't know wont hurt you plus it wouldn't bother me a bit if she even told me.

I guess it still warrants investigation.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she sounds like a size queen.

maybe she didn't realise it until she tried something larger. now feels guilty that sex with you is less intense. so she advoiding it.

is she generous in bed....oral, positions you like or is she a star fish just laying there letting you do all the work?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> Dunno.
> 
> Thanks for putting that themesong into my head.
> 
> You need to investigate more, and then come back to us. There is so far no rational explanation to explain her behaviour. See you soon !


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

MisterGadget said:


> Its weird that someone would deny such a thing.
> 
> 
> True she could be masturbating without it. No the Intense was the the GOOD type of Intense :smthumbup: i made sure that if she felt uncomfortable its to stop.


I can only speak from a naturally LD point of view, but just because something is intense doesn't mean that it's desirable _every day_. 

For me, if a session is 'intense' it means I'm satisfied for a LONG period of time, and it takes a lot more to get me interested again. Maybe think in terms of quality, not quantity? 
I don't feel like it's 'denying' anything, any warm, fuzzy just-had-awesome-sex feelings I pick up can last _weeks_ for me. 

But this is me... there could be completely different reasons why she's like this.


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## MisterG (Jan 24, 2014)

*EntirelyDifferent* said: _For me, if a session is 'intense' it means I'm satisfied for a LONG period of time, and it takes a lot more to get me interested again. Maybe think in terms of quality, not quantity? _

That makes sense. But OP said that when they were using the dildo, they were having sex more often. So the dildo and the intense sessions were increasing her sex drive. This is confusing.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Don't be so focused on trying to connect the dots between the vibrator and her baviour that you don't consider what's happening outside of the bedroom. Is anything happening in her life that would derail sexual desire? Stress? A new job? A sick kid or parent? How is your emotional relationship? Are you connecting with her in non sexual ways?


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Thanks for more reply's 

I don't think she's a size queen if that was the case she would be using it more often or looking to buy a Bigger one not stopping all together.

*EntirelyDifferent *
So what your saying Satisfied to a point where the say next topup would be a while.

Yep our sex life was up when its introduced the dropped when not introduced But maybe *EntirelyDifferent* has hit a point dead on..Ill need to have a talk with my wife on this one.:smthumbup:


We don't really have any problems like Illness in a family member and the kids are great no real stress,No new job,And we always spend time together as ive a flexible job so i get to stay home quite a bit monthly.
Yes it could be more just like any relationship that requires someone to go Work most days _(just to be straight yes House work is work even if its not paid work)_


Some valid points so far THANK YOU ALL.


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## Dannie1348 (Nov 17, 2011)

Mine loves her toys but still wants me more than toys . Don't put to much in her using toys just enjoy.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

It's great you got her that big toy and she loves it, giving herself intense orgasms.:smthumbup:

She might be using it on herself often and then she doesn't need sex with you much. 

You are in the mood and she doesn't use it because she already did.

Or she may be starting to realize its better than the real thing and wants to stop using it?

I would say she is using it often and you are starting to be replaced, a definite possibility.....:scratchhead:


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## Thepoet (Sep 8, 2013)

You said you are sure she is not using it based on where you find it. Don't be so sure. If she is trying to hide it from you in fear of hurting your feelings or whatever then she could be doing anything to cover her tracks on it. Try putting something small that will not be noticed blocking use of the dildo. Then later on you will see if the small object was disturbed. If it was, then you know she is in fact using it.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

There is Items on top of the toy so i know its not in use.

Anyway ive spoken to her about it and asked her if she was satisfied in trying it but thats it now...Finnished.
And she said yes that she is satisfied in trying it but doesn't really need it any time soon.

Personally i dont buy her excuse but i cant force it on her.

I guess thats it.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I don't quite understand why it's important to you that she use the dildo.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I don't quite understand why it's important to you that she use the dildo.


It sounded like they had more and better sex when they used it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> It's great you got her that big toy and she loves it, giving herself intense orgasms.:smthumbup:
> 
> She might be using it on herself often and then she doesn't need sex with you much.
> 
> ...


Really, really good POV CB!


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

I think it's bigger than you so she's afraid if she uses it too much she won't satisfy you any more (she'll be loose).


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Many things come to mind, but it's not about the toy, it's really about her decreased libido. That could be due to: age; hormone imbalance; medications; work stress; relationship issues; fatigue; issues with children; a change in you of any sort; financial issues; an EA; a PA; humidity level; ceiling color; wind direction; ....


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

This is a multi part question. 

I do find it interesting when people do not desire to do something that makes them feel good. My wife does not like toys but still I do not understand why she does not like to have sex more often and really that is the same thing.

As to why she would not want to use it when you do have sex I would suspect that people are correct that she feels some guilt about liking it and or feels that it detracts from the connection between you two -in other words it is to impersonal or makes PiV less enjoyable.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

I dont think ill ever get a Proper answer from my Wife.

But Married but Happy Said it best

_Many things come to mind, but it's not about the toy, it's really about her decreased libido. That could be due to: age; hormone imbalance; medications; work stress; relationship issues; fatigue; issues with children; a change in you of any sort; financial issues; an EA; a PA; humidity level; ceiling color; wind direction; .... _

Wind direction (love it)

Yes our sex sessions were better when we included it..Longer more intense and fun too.


its an Enigma.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

So, why is it not about the toy? Seems the most logical reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I'm a LD wife, and while I have toys, and have used them with my husband; I don't like using them ALL the time with my husband. The vibrator I have is large and rigid, and after using it, sometimes I feel brusied. EVEN though it felt good in the moment. There are other times that I felt like my husband was "rushing" me to orgasm with a toy just so he could get off quicker and be done with the whole thing. That was a major turn off, and it took a while for me to get the courage and confidence to talk to my husband about it. 

As a LD wife, it's not necessarily that my drive is gone. It's more like it's been buried under the snow. It takes time and effort for me to "get in the mood" but once I am, it takes a bit to satisfy me. So when my husband "rushed" just to get what he wanted, I felt used and cheap. 

I wonder if you wife is having second thoughts about the toys. If she is feeling shame that she uses them for pleasure. There really are many things that could explain what is going on in her head. I hope you are able to talk about it with her.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

There is absolutely no rush or pressure directed towards my Wife and toys at all.

Intimacy between us is at her choice and time and place and is usually once or twice a month (yes i wish it was once a week) probably like most men.

Id put her in the LD category but when we did use the toy her desire for me increased more (not just for the toy)
Her pleasure increased with me (not just the toy)
there was a air of confidence in her and she was more outgoing.

Then she stopped with toys and everything seemed to go south.

Ive kind of given up on this as my wife cant even explain her feelings.

Again its an Enigma.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

MisterGadget said:


> Intimacy between us is at her choice and time and place and is usually once or twice a month (yes i wish it was once a week) probably like most men.


This may be a place to look for a possible answer. For the better part of the first 18 or so years of my marriage I thought I was being a considerate husband by only approaching my wife for sex when she "might be open to it". I didn't want to pressure her or make her feel like she was just a sex object. I knew that she'd had a busy day. I thought that she was LD, and for a period of that time she probably was, but mostly I was a part of the problem.

The problem was (aside from some health issues) that all of that nice guy stuff didn't light her fire. She didn't understand that and neither did I. A part of her sexual turn ons is that she wants to feel like a sex object. She wants me to be more aggressive and passionate. In other words, sometimes she wants me to 'take her'. Not in a rough man-beast kind of way, although I'm surprised how turned on that can get her, but at least she didn't want to see me taking the "maybe tonight" route. I really don't know how to phrase this in non stereotypical terms, so I'll just say that she wants a man in the bedroom. She wants me to come on strong, confident, and assertive and to let her know that "we _are _having sex." If I ***** foot around she's usually tepid at best. If I'm slowly pulling her panties off and saying "resistance is futile, mon cheri" she's always fired up and ready to go. 

I took me a while to get my head around the fact that being confident, assertive, and even sexually aggressive didn't mean that I was being a jerk. She already knew that I respected her. I wish I'd figured this out years ago.

Obviously YMMV, but if there is a chance that your wife is the same way then it's worth figuring it out sooner rather than later. Maybe a little confident aggression on your part (minus toys) can help start the fire?

Good luck!


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

pplwatching said:


> This may be a place to look for a possible answer. For the better part of the first 18 or so years of my marriage I thought I was being a considerate husband by only approaching my wife for sex when she "might be open to it". I didn't want to pressure her or make her feel like she was just a sex object. I knew that she'd had a busy day. I thought that she was LD, and for a period of that time she probably was, but mostly I was a part of the problem.
> 
> The problem was (aside from some health issues) that all of that nice guy stuff didn't light her fire. She didn't understand that and neither did I. A part of her sexual turn ons is that she wants to feel like a sex object. She wants me to be more aggressive and passionate. In other words, sometimes she wants me to 'take her'. Not in a rough man-beast kind of way, although I'm surprised how turned on that can get her, but at least she didn't want to see me taking the "maybe tonight" route. I really don't know how to phrase this in non stereotypical terms, so I'll just say that she wants a man in the bedroom. She wants me to come on strong, confident, and assertive and to let her know that "we _are _having sex." If I ***** foot around she's usually tepid at best. If I'm slowly pulling her panties off and saying "resistance is futile, mon cheri" she's always fired up and ready to go.
> 
> ...


yes, but to me "love" meaning NOT having to figure important things out, by yourself, without a LOT of communication from your partner. so sounds to me like she may have owned more than 50% of the issue.......


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

nuclearnightmare said:


> yes, but to me "love" meaning NOT having to figure important things out, by yourself, without a LOT of communication from your partner. so sounds to me like she may have owned more than 50% of the issue.......


It's not clear to me if you're referring to the OP's wife or mine. If you're referring to my wife, than all that I can say is that we both own(ed) the problem and have made great strides working past it. Neither of us were born great communicators, and learning to communicate about sex was a long road in our marriage for a few different reasons. Even after 20 years we often find that it's easy to communicate about every day mundane subjects but much tougher for emotionally invested talks about sex. We've more or less been figuring that out by trial and error as we walk this road together. I am willing to own the problem 100%. I suspect that many couples are like us.


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## JerryB (Feb 13, 2014)

So MisterGadget,
Are you happy with the once a month routine?

If not, what are you going to do about it?
I think your hangup on the dildo is you pinning too much hope on it. It brought sex up to the level you liked. Things were fixed! Yet they're not.

I was in a similar issue as you (although not toy related)
I don't have any great answer for you yet, though.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

pplwatching

Ive tried the More assertive role before and it doesn't work with my Wife in fact this attitude will make everything worse and will spark an argument and she will fester for the day.

JerryB 
Am i happy with once a month.Nope cant say that i am.

Im out of options as was to do as talking doesn't seem to register with my wife (in one ear out the other)
The Toy did boost our sex up to a level that WE both seemed to like then SNAP dropped right back down to Once a month.

Ive concluded that there really is nothing i can do as the Ball is in her court accept she wont throw it back.

Maybe the Toy scratched an Itch she had and now that its scratched its done and dusted.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

You know how guys start using porn and they eventually just stop having sex with their wives? Yeahhh... I know a lot of women the same way with dildos.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

kipani said:


> You know how guys start using porn and they eventually just stop having sex with their wives? Yeahhh... I know a lot of women the same way with dildos.


On some of these threads I really get the idea that people have a specific answer they want to hear (or one they really don't want to hear) and saying anything else is pointless. 

The OP has never responded to the idea that it could be the dildo itself causing her to not want him, even though a ton of people have mentioned it. I think this line of reasoning has fallen on deaf ears.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

kipani said:


> You know how guys start using porn and they eventually just stop having sex with their wives? Yeahhh... I know a lot of women the same way with dildos.


That is a very weak generalization.


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## Deepdivered (Dec 14, 2011)

*Re: Re: Wife wanted Dildo"Enjoyed it but Now wont Play*



over20 said:


> That is a very weak generalization.


It was not a generalization. He pointed out that this is the case with SOME women.

I would think his point in saying it was to suggest op keep that in minded etc


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Deepdivered said:


> It was not a generalization. He pointed out that this is the case with SOME women.
> 
> I would think his point in saying it was to suggest op keep that in minded etc


"IT" was a she. Kipani is a female in her 20's.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

kipani said:


> You know how guys start using porn and they eventually just stop having sex with their wives? Yeahhh... I know a lot of women the same way with dildos.


I am not being mean, but how many happily married men and women do you know of? My Dh has never stopped having sex with me over porn, and yes I do like porn too. I also love my husband's penis over any dildo ever created. There is a thing called marriage.....give and take....and the sex is AWESOME!


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## Deepdivered (Dec 14, 2011)

*Re: Re: Wife wanted Dildo"Enjoyed it but Now wont Play*



over20 said:


> I am not being mean, but how many happily married men and women do you know of? My Dh has never stopped having sex with me over porn, and yes I do like porn too. I also love my husband's penis over any dildo ever created. There is a thing called marriage.....give and take....and the sex is AWESOME!


I know of SOME people that this has happened to. 

Some is not all.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Deepdivered said:


> I know of SOME people that this has happened to.
> 
> Some is not all.


True...it is sad though...


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Deepdivered said:


> I know of SOME people that this has happened to.
> 
> Some is not all.


If this is happening, there is a REASON. And it is not because porn is so awesome.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

TopsyTurvy5

Our frequency was once a month before a toy was introduced
after that our frequency jumped... BIG TIME
Then my Wife just dead stopped introducing the toy and
Our frequency went back to once a month. 
_que the falling ANVIL 
_

So it would seem like the introduced toy improved things and was well received VERY MUCH.

So original my point was, if something harmless/ private and enjoyable and healthy is gained by an action, why would you just dead drop it soon after.

Its like going to the gym,harmless/ it can be private and enjoyable and healthy so just because the breeze changed direction doesn't mean you suddenly stop with out even batting any eye.

As for the Porn question.
My wife is not a Porn watcher or even a computer person or interested in going online for anything not even a single social media profile...she hates that stuff.


Again i dont think ill find an answer to my question as my wife cant even answer it herself.

:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MisterGadget said:


> pplwatching
> 
> Ive tried the More assertive role before and it doesn't work with my Wife in fact this attitude will make everything worse and will spark an argument and she will fester for the day.
> 
> ...


Well you know the once a month thing is what she feels like all she has to do, that's why she does it. I don't know if your state was one, that if you were seperated on the way to divorce that having sex once a month invalidates it?

In any case she drops it down to once a month because that's all she feels like she needs to do...

What about get her some outside competition? That seems to work on plenty.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

I get the _"the once a month thing is what she feels like all she has to do, that's why she does it"_

I don't know what state you mean ?? as in physical state/mental state or a USA state ? (Not in the US)

Nope we were never separated and in general we have a great relationship so i dont think that divorce is in the cards.

Ah getting some outside competition.. Jeeze i aint into that at all.
For her faults i do love her very much.

Plus a couldn't afford it if i wanted to :rofl:


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MisterGadget said:


> CaPitAlizaTion...WHO CARES.:scratchhead:


I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

Capitalization can matter.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

MisterGadget said:


> TopsyTurvy5
> 
> Our frequency was once a month before a toy was introduced
> after that our frequency jumped... BIG TIME
> ...


i know you correlate the uptick in frequency with the introduction of the dildo. it could very well be the reason for the increase. thing is she may not want that pushed on her. you may have to talk about this with her in a different way. tell her how much you enjoyed yourself and how you felt closer to her in the few months when you were connecting so often. ask her why that hasn't sustained and what you could do to help get back to that happy place. don't even talk about the dildo unless she brings it up.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

WonkyNinja said:


> I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.
> 
> I helped my uncle jack off a horse.
> 
> Capitalization can matter.


You didn't say which one youre telling us about.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

This is an old thread, and I only read pages 1 and 4, so this may have been touched upon, but:

OP says he's been keeping an eye on the toy, and it hasn't moved, therefore he assumes it isn't being used.

This isn't an assumption anybody should be making, especially if his wife is scared of "getting caught" and worried that he might be checking. It's entirely possible it's being used daily and put back EXACTLY the same way, in the same place after use.

My first assumption upon reading OP's original thread was that he had been replaced. I'm not usually one to say things like that, either, but all the pieces fit.

As usual, I have a personal perspective on this: my ex wife and I had a less than normal frequency after marriage (but still frequent enough to not complain about). She had never used a sex toy in her life, and we decided to try one. So we went out and bought the most innocuous, boring vibrator on the market. 5 inches long, looked like a purple plastic carrot (not like a penis, or a rabbit, or whatever). Like something your grandma might have had in the 1950's. Experimentation ensued, and our sex life had a drastic uptick, with and without the toy. Then nothing, just like OP. Back to the usual, even less so.

But guess what was still being used regularly? She put it back exactly how it was every time. But about half a dozen times in a month long span, I caught/heard her using it. Those were only the times I caught or heard her. And every time, back exactly how it had been left. If I never heard her using it, I wouldn't have known just by checking.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Weird...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

shes using it without you.

that's my bet!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My ex-wife and I had a period of time where I was working 400 miles away and only saw her some weekends.

So I bought her a rabbit type vibrator/dildo to use if she had any unsatisfied urges in my absence.

She was furious about it and said it was a disgusting thing and how dare I think she would masturbate, etc.

So I was going out of town and I switched the battery around so it wouldn't work.

When I returned a week later? 

Fresh battery in the damned thing.

If I ever brought up the rabbit she would get mad and do that same dance.

I switched the battery around a couple of more times that year and the same result every time.

It was more important to my ex-wife to deny that she had any sexual urges than to admit to them or even thank me for the vibrator.

Women can be funny, eh?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Yup. Took my wife 23 years to admit she masturbates. She was worried of image. A lot of women struggle with this issue of their own sexuality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OnAnIsland (Oct 3, 2014)

michzz said:


> It was more important to my ex-wife to deny that she had any sexual urges than to admit to them or even thank me for the vibrator.
> 
> Women can be funny, eh?



This type of scenario has to be very common. Perhaps more than any other one thing, this is what drives me insane about my so-called LD wife. In the moment, she loves oral sex being performed on her. She's vocal, she has at least one orgasm every time. And then she'll never EVER bring it up and is embarrassed by the mere mention of it.

Back when things were at least on-and-off sexually, I even convinced her to go toy shopping. Found a non-creepy artsy place that was run by women. We picked out some things that she said she'd like. And she did, a lot. In the moment. And then no mention of them ever again. She would refuse, politely and sheepishly, if I tried gently to introduce them during sex. She goes away on business at times, and I've noticed that some of these gadgets she's too embarrassed to acknowledge... do indeed go with her.

And that's fine. I want her to enjoy herself. I'm not jealous or threatened in the least if she enjoys her toys, her fantasies (whatever they are, I sure wouldn't know) and herself _by herself._ I've made that clear. I had hoped that doing so might foster some opening up of communication and work at removing a lot of anxiety she seems to have about sex. Nope.

I'm tempted as always to shake my head and mutter "_women..._" but I know there's wives struggling with the same problem from their husbands. It's one thing to be shy and nervous or uncomfortable about sex due to inexperience or because you're not secure in the relationship. *But we have children together. * We've done this before. We used to do it a lot. You enjoy it. I have committed to grow old with you, and suffer all of the embarrassment, pain, changing bodies, old age and everything life (and death) is going to bring. So relax and enjoy the ride.

*Get over yourself and whatever image you think you should be conveying. *


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Things have changed for us since the post but she wasn't using it on her own and i know this as it was Placed in my top wardrobe in a box and i would specifically tie a ribbon around it in a manner only i would know how to tie.

I was never offended by her using it nor if she wanted to use it on her own.
She never was into masturbation but she has from time to time and i dont see a problem with that.

My problem was the frequency of sex was high when we used the Dildo and it Dropped sharply when we didn't use it with no explanation from her.
Then when i would suggest or question why she became defensive.

Thankfully that has all changed with Scheduling monthly sex on a spreadsheet which she controls and it does include the dildo, This does waver from time to time but we are more frequent now.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MisterGadget said:


> My problem was the frequency of sex was high when we used the Dildo and it Dropped sharply when we didn't use it with no explanation from her.
> Then when i would suggest or question why she became defensive.


The thing is, it was exciting because it was something new and different, that's all there is to it.

It's hard to not take offense to something like that, but ultimately, one shouldn't.

What increases the difficulty in understanding is when one's wife is LD, compounded by feelings of embarrassment or shame on her part.

In my story above, my ex wife was LD-ish, but she sure had no shame in using her new toy. At the very least, yours was trying to use it when you weren't around... 

But ultimately, in my case and yours, it was something that was fun and new and different. How our wives handled it was very different, but it's hard to blame either one for trying something new - and having fun doing so.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Must be frosty Windows your looking through Badsanta.

Never was about me at all.

We chose the toy together.

Couldn't care less if she used it on her own but sure id love to know if she did but that's up to my wife if she wished to share those details with me. 

Not a Jealous bone in my body.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

Sometimes H, or both of us, would introduce something new in bed, and i would enjoy it. And then he would start pushing it - "She liked it, let's do it a lot!" But maybe i only wanted to do that sometimes. And that act of him "pushing it" caused me to get mad, push back, and no longer want to do that thing. There was an attitude with me of "Really? He's going straight there AGAIN?" Like he thought he knew what i wanted, and didn't want to hear that he was wrong. 

Women respond in all kinds of strange ways when we feel sexual pressure.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Lila said:


> I'm having a BadSanta kind of moment here.
> 
> 
> 
> This is some advice for all of you dildo usage trackers. Hide a fit bit tracker in the suspect dildo. Once registered, you can view online how many "steps" (back and forth motion) were taken and if there was any "active minutes" that day. :rofl:



Maybe design a unit with accelerometer, moisture sensor, etc and of course Bluetooth and a phone app for, ehem, data analysis.

For the upscale model add h.264 video capture...


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## TonyCheshire (Dec 27, 2014)

My theory ... tied in with Mr Gadgets wife scheduling the intimate times on a spreadsheet ... 

Your wife has bought her own vibrator / dildo (hence your ribbon still tied on the old one) and she finds the new vib satisfying enough that she would not enjoy sex (with Mr Gadget) for another 1 week or 2 weeks and so she discplines herself (for sake of their relationship) to space out her solo fun with her own vib. This now works as long as she can book the next session with Mr Gadget on the spreadsheet ... for 1 or 2 weeks after her solo session.

Hope that makes sense?


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

that.girl

Your dead right but i never pushed it on her as it was a mutual Buy in the firs place and its true Women do respond in all kinds of strange ways when they feel sexual pressure.

TonyCheshire

Maybe she did get enough in one session for a while, I do know she doesn't have any more toys as she is not a online shopper and the nearest town that would have anything in that category is a full day trip away so her absence would be noticed + she wouldn't have the time to make that trip with our kids in or out of school.

To be honest I don't think I will ever find an answer to it all But with her in charge of the spread sheet it is working for us with increased intimacy and yes even including the Toy.

If there was a way to close this post/thread I probably would have a while back


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## TonyCheshire (Dec 27, 2014)

Mr Gadget

I'm so glad its working for you, but its intriguing re her scheduling sex / lovemaking on the spreadsheet ... surely to do with building up desire / need? 

If she just lay there 'corpse like' that would be a different reason for the scheduling on spreadsheet ... like maybe she needs 1 or 2 weeks to get psyched up / resigned that it is going to happen??

In the old days before online shopping one used to phone an order through from a magazine Ad or post off the little order vouchers from a newspaper Ad ... may this be how she has got her own Vib?

I am saying this cos earlier you said a few times that when she was off sex with you (and / or on her own with the vib you bought her) ... she often said 'I dont need it / that vib anymore'!?


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

The spreadsheet is there to Remind us to make that effort towards one another.
At first i made a spread sheet (Heard of the idea some place) then i left it too Her to do, Gradually she included our toy into those dated nights.
My wife was only High drive when we were young but as soon as we had children it plummeted.
I have always been Hyper High drive and still am and that's why to put the spread sheet in her hands takes pressure off her needing to refuse me or make up some excuse with a wind change or if she knows particular days of the week/ month are more energy sapping.

My wife is not the reading type (Newpapers mags Books nothing could be more boring for her and the same goes for Internet use and smart phones etc...she has no interest in them or social media.

Anyway...
In the Beginning 
Our sex did increase for a time when we included the toy but dropped off again when we stopped then when i spoke to her about it she got very annoyed.

A few posters mentioned that it (the toy) might have scratched an itch that returns every few weeks or so. (Seems quite possible)

All i know is the schedule is working between us and she also includes nights on the sheet where the toy is to be used if she chooses.

END.


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