# He cheated 6 months after we got married with his ex & now she is claiming



## proverbs31woman82 (Jan 12, 2013)

to have had a baby by my husband. 

(This is kind of long)

What should I do?

My husband and I met 8 years ago on a trip with mutual friends. He was going through a separation at the time so we just decided to be friends. During that time we both dated other people but found ourselves talking to each other every day. We eventually decided to become a couple in 2007 when his divorce finalized. 

He had been seeing his ex (a longtime on and off girlfriend) and he broke up with her to date me exclusively. 

We moved in together at the beginning of 2008 and decided we wanted to build a life together. Halfway through the year, I found out that he never stopped seeing his ex and was cheating the whole time with her while he was living with me. We decided to work things out but he moved out.

We started dating other people again but remained friends. He went back to seeing his ex and at one point was living with her. He decided that he loved me more and wanted to give our relationship another go. I was more than excited because I love him dearly. 

At the end of 2010, he decided to propose and we spent the next 9 months planning our wedding. I was elated! 

Little did I know that during that time, he had never stopped seeing his ex. We got married in Sept. 2011 and decided to work on making our marriage strong and build it on a foundation of love, trust and honesty. 

Fast forward to Feb 2012, I found out he had cheated again! With the same ex! I was angry, hurt and disappointed because he made vows to me and god that he would never hurt me again. 

This time was different because she claimed to be pregnant by him and sent all his kids (he has 8 kids) an email saying they were going to have a baby brother or sister. My step-kids were really happy and they seemed to like her, supposedly more than me. 

She said she was due in November but "claimed" to have given birth prematurely in August. She started posting pics of the "preemie" on facebook for the world to see and would tag my husband in the pictures. Anytime he would ask to see the baby, it was always an excuse and she stated that she did not want her baby around me. 

Well, after doing some investigative work, I found out she was never pregnant by my husband but was feeding the lie to him, his kids and his family to make me mad and upset. 

To make matters worse, I am actually pregnant. Seven months to be exact. I have had to take a restraining order out on his ex because she would not leave me or my husband alone, and I feel that she may do something to me or my baby when I give birth.

I do not know what to do. I love my husband dearly and I want my marriage to work, but I feel like I have been decieved and can no longer trust him. I do not want to raise my baby by myself and want my husband to be in our baby's life. 

However, I cannot get past the fact that he cheated on me with this crazy woman who will not leave us alone! 

What should I do?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Leave this loser. 8 kids by how many women?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Leave this loser. 8 kids by how many woman?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nine children, now! 

Just how the heck can he support all these children?

You do need to dump him and try to build a better life for yourself and your child.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Ummm....you would think after 8 kids he would learn how to wrap it up.

He has been cheating on you your ENTIRE relationship. Heck, you were probably the OW at one point when he was with his ex. Your entire relationship is built upon lie upon lie upon lie from him. 

Please leave this man to find yourself someone who will treat you with basic human respect. 

Does he support all of his kids?? And how many different mothers are there?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Ummm....you would think after 8 kids he would learn how to wrap it up.
> 
> He has been cheating on you your ENTIRE relationship. Heck, you were probably the OW at one point when he was with his ex. Your entire relationship is built upon lie upon lie upon lie from him.
> 
> ...


Or apply two house bricks!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Ummm....you would think after 8 kids he would learn how to wrap it up.
> 
> He has been cheating on you your ENTIRE relationship. Heck, you were probably the OW at one point when he was with his ex. Your entire relationship is built upon lie upon lie upon lie from him.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

*Why do you believe you don't deserve better?*


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> I do not know what to do. I love my husband dearly and I want my marriage to work, but I feel like I have been decieved and can no longer trust him.


You were deceived the whole time & by all rights should never have trusted him.

It sounds like you are really OK with the trust issue - he keeps sleeping with his ex and you keep going back to him. If the issue really is how to get the crazy ex to leave you alone, I would suggest that perhaps she's not that crazy. (Your H has carried on a relationship with her for a long time and she probably has every reason to think that that will continue.)

It's really your H who is the problem here. You sound like a nice person. You will probably have a lot of heartache with this man. Is there no chance that you will consider leaving him and find a better life for yourself?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Acabado said:


> :iagree:
> 
> *Why do you believe you don't deserve better?*


Yes, why??!!


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Any time a person breaks up with someone to date someone else...well you and he were having an emotional affair. Clearly he was the unfaithful type, and you never should've took him in the first place. Healthy, honest individuals put time between their relationships.


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## proverbs31woman82 (Jan 12, 2013)

richie33 said:


> Leave this loser. 8 kids by how many women?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do not want to leave him. I went through a lot to be with him and want to fight for my marriage for the sake of us and our child. 

He has 4 kids with his ex-wife, and their are 4 different mothers each for my other 4 step children. Three of his children live with us. He was not exactly faithful to his ex wife and all of his children are around the same age. 

But I want to think he has changed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> But I want to think he has changed.


What in the name of all that is holy makes you think he has changed? 

This is who he is and you knew this going in. Did you really have yourself convinced that _you_ were actually different than the others?

He is what he is, so love it or leave it.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> I do not want to leave him. * I went through a lot to be with him *and want to fight for my marriage for the sake of us and our child.


OP, look up 'Sunk Cost'. It usually applies to businesses but it's also applicable in relationships.

If you think you've gone through a lot to be with this loser, just wait 'til you experience what's in store for you if you choose to stay with him.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You've asked people here what they think you should do & if I'm not mistaken, they all think you should get away from this man. Eight children, four by one woman, four by four other women, and now one by you.

You will not be the last notch in his bedpost. I think, given your own mindset, the best you can do is try not to be hurt by his betrayals, because if you stay, he will keep them coming.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> I do not want to leave him. I went through a lot to be with him.
> 
> But I want to think he has changed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take it from someone who had the same thought process. I went through alot with my ex to be with him. So much drama and forces against us when we first started. He cheated on his first wife with me. He them cheated on me years later. Then i caught him engaging women at work again....

I wanted to think he would change or i was different to. Nope, not the case.

Get out of this horrible relationship. My ex didn't come close to what your H is doing. He's not going to change. Ever. 

How old are you??


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

If i'm reading this correctly, he impregnated at least 6 different women, mostly through affairs.

Expecting him to change? I don't think so. This isn't a guy who had a ONS or a single affair that resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. He's carrying on multiple full-blown relationships with multiple "exes."

OP is just one of the harem, apparently.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

martyc47 said:


> OP is just one of the harem, apparently.


 Yup!!!!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is he paying child support for all of the children he already has?

How much time does he spend with his 8 children right now?


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> I do not want to leave him. I went through a lot to be with him and want to fight for my marriage for the sake of us and our child.
> 
> He has 4 kids with his ex-wife, and their are 4 different mothers each for my other 4 step children. Three of his children live with us. He was not exactly faithful to his ex wife and all of his children are around the same age.
> 
> ...


 no no no


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Is he paying child support for all of the children he already has?
> 
> How much time does he spend with his 8 children right now?


If he can't take responsibility for his kids DO NOT think he will be faithful in your marriage


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

This has got to be a fake post. No one in their right mind would EVER put up with this much disrespect, let alone MARRY this douche! Hell if this is a real post, the guy would have to look like Denzel Washington or Chris Hemsworth to be such a player and have women in his life allowing him to get away with it. It makes me ashamed to be a human sometimes when I read things like this.

Seriously though...

This is fake isn't it?


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## Praetorian (Jan 13, 2013)

First of all, sad this has to happen to those who wishes the best with others.

It seems that your 'husband' is actually affording himself to go with two women at once and that probably makes him think you will never divorce from him as you know he has an alternative.

You must prove him wrong:
-Either by doing dramatical (don't go to far or this goes wrong) and making a point that you are already past the idea that he is going to change. (as 'i'm going to change' is a common excuse that is almost Always a lie)
-Or by divorce. Its of course easy to say 'get out of that marriage' but it is actually the best solution. But at the moment I wouldn't worry yourself to much with this issue and focus on you being pregnant.
Worrying gives you stress and stress isn't good for your child's and your own health. So wait for some time after the child has been given birth to, so that you can give some tought of your marriage.

Then ask questions like?
Did he care much about the birth of your child?
...

If that isn't the case, divorce. Do make sure you plan this as you don't want your child to be around at that time. 
If he doesn't care/change its much better to move on with your life as in the long-term nothing will change and you will be stuck in a circular motion of believe.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

I am really sorry to tell you this but it seems you have taken on the role of 3rd wheel or 2nd fiddle. He seems to always have had and will always have "unfinished" business with this ex of his. Let them keep each other and see how well they do without you. You appear to be the necessary ingredient to keep their fire burning. Get out of the triangle and don't look back. Collect child support through your state.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proverbs31woman82 (Jan 12, 2013)

Kylie84 said:


> This has got to be a fake post. No one in their right mind would EVER put up with this much disrespect, let alone MARRY this douche! Hell if this is a real post, the guy would have to look like Denzel Washington or Chris Hemsworth to be such a player and have women in his life allowing him to get away with it. It makes me ashamed to be a human sometimes when I read things like this.
> 
> Seriously though...
> 
> This is fake isn't it?


This is not fake and is very real.


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## proverbs31woman82 (Jan 12, 2013)

A quick update: 

I had my baby, a healthy baby boy, a month and a half ago and I found out he was still cheating. I am really upset but torn because I don't want to be a single mother nor do I want my son to grow up without his father. 

My husband wants to work things out and says he will go to counseling but I am skeptical. 

Oh and I found a profile on POF and match.com for him but he denied making either profile. He was also put on this website called Cheaterville, I assume, by the woman he was cheating with and was claiming to be pregnant by him. 

I took a restraining order out on her because I was scared she might do something to my baby.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He's never ever going to stop cheating, apparently he's still cheating on the woman he has cheated on. If you want to stay you need to accept his cheating, if you can live with that. The only thing you can do is ask him to get a vasectomy so that you don't have to raise anymore of his kids. You seem more like a nanny than his wife.
Also get tested for STDs and use protection God only knows what he's exposing you to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> I do not want to leave him. I went through a lot to be with him and want to fight for my marriage for the sake of us and our child.
> 
> He has 4 kids with his ex-wife, and their are 4 different mothers each for my other 4 step children. Three of his children live with us. He was not exactly faithful to his ex wife and all of his children are around the same age.
> 
> ...


Nope they NEVER change. What were you thinking hooking up with this loser let alone being baby mama # ???.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

proverbs31woman82 said:


> *I do not want to leave him. I went through a lot to be with him* and want to fight for my marriage for the sake of us and our child.
> 
> He has 4 kids with his ex-wife, and their are 4 different mothers each for my other 4 step children. Three of his children live with us. He was not exactly faithful to his ex wife and all of his children are around the same age.
> 
> ...


Wow, just wow.

And since this is the type of man you want to be with, looks like you got your wish.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Apparently a new verse to Proverbs 31 has been unearthed:

31:32 She haseth a husband what impregnates the multitudes


If you really want to live by the proverbs 31 standard your husband is supposed to be known at the gates for sitting on the counsel, not for his philandering ways. You can't meet that biblical standard with this guy.


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## beautiful_day (Mar 28, 2013)

The thing is, being 7 months pregnant and having to face this must be very, very frightening. Pregnancy is perhaps the most vulnerable time of a woman's life ... shame on him. I wonder whether you might be mistaking the fear of being on your own with love. 

In your position, I think I would tell everyone who will listen what has happened and ask for help. You will be very surprised how much help is out there ... often from unexpected sources. All too often the betrayed stay quiet, secretly blaming themselves, or out of misplaced loyalty to those who have wounded them. 

I think if you make a solid plan about how you would manage on your own, you will find that your anxiety levels will drop and you will be more able to let him go.


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