# The OW/M



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

Do you think that it’s harder to recover when the OW/M was a friend of the BS?

The OW in my situation was a good friend of mine and she continued to play the part of “friend” while she was f**king my husband. We still talked regularly, went shopping and she came to my home during this time.

Now I feel doubly stupid for missing it, and wonder if it is really possible to get past their A.


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

UGH!! I didnt know the OW, only "of" her and that she worked with my WH.

I hope you have sense taught her a lesson about how friends treat friends!


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I would think that would make it harder because you were not just betrayed by your H but by your friend as well. So now you are dealing with trust issues with your H and your friends currently and in the future.

Please tell me she is no longer a friend of yours?


----------



## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

I think it's even more disrespectful. My wife's OM came to our house. I even cooked for him on two occasions. Just sucks, makes me angry, but I can't change it, so no good comes from obsessing about it


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Of course it's harder - you were betrayed by your husband and friend. Normally, when we're hurt, we would turn to a friend, in this case...


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

No, we are definitely not friends any longer...LOL

I had a few things to say to her, but once I found out about them, I could never contact her. She didn't answer my calls or emails. 

She still lives in the same town as us and her ex (they split-up a few months before her A with my H started) still lives across the street from me, so I'll run into her at some point. I'm not really sure what I'll do when that happens.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Of course it's harder - you were betrayed by your husband and friend. Normally, when we're hurt, we would turn to a friend, in this case...


:iagree:

A so-called friend of mine owes me around $700. Now, this won't make or break me but I sometimes seethe at the betrayal of my trust. I can only imagine how I would feel if a trusted friend had slept with my ex.


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> No, we are definitely not friends any longer...LOL
> 
> I had a few things to say to her, but once I found out about them, I could never contact her. She didn't answer my calls or emails.
> 
> She still lives in the same town as us and her ex (they split-up a few months before her A with my H started) still lives across the street from me, so I'll run into her at some point. I'm not really sure what I'll do when that happens.


Im not the fighting type but when I just so happened to bump into the OW at the softball fields where my WH was playing ball, and where she should never have been....I had a few words with her. She tried to walk away while I was talking to her so I had to "discipline" her!!


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

No, I'm not a fighting type either...but I must admit it would feel good to throw a glass of wine in her face or something of that nature.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> wonder if it is really possible to get past their A.


 What, exactly, is your definition of a friend? Cos that sure as hell ain't mine. I can find better.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> No, I'm not a fighting type either...but I must admit it would feel good to throw a glass of wine in her face or something of that nature.


 If you do it, make sure it's in front of her other friends and that you say WHY, first.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> No, I'm not a fighting type either...but I must admit it would feel good to throw a glass of wine in her face or something of that nature.


My advice? Drink the wine. Throw water in her face, instead!

Can you act? When you next see her act as though the affair never happened.

A really evil idea would be to say: "Something happened to me. I lost my memory of the last xx months. Doctor says it must have been a traumatic even that I am blocking out. Can you help me by filling in the details of any of the major events that happened in my life?"


----------



## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm right there with you. The OW was a childhood friend of mine, lost touch but we ended up working together but never hung out. Went to each other's weddings. Share x-mas cards, texted on FB here and there. Then out of the ble (which was also the time MH and OW where having A) she messaged me and asked if we wanted to hang out for dinner and drinks. I thought we were friends and to go out with an other couple was fun. WTF was I thinking. That night she was flirting with him so much but did not want to seem like I was the jeoulous type.


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

turnera said:


> What, exactly, is your definition of a friend? Cos that sure as hell ain't mine. I can find better.


I was her friend, but as it turned out she wasn't mine. I have now learned to be less trusting.


----------



## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Wow. 
The OM in my case actually told me (via email effin chickensh!t) that "if naga's wife hadnt turned us against each other, we'd probably be 'cool'".

Lol. Wut. 
I told him probably not, because none of my other friends were scumbags. 
But, the next time he saw me, to be sure to introduce himself. Id buy him a beer. And then i would beat him into a coma. 
He never took me up on my offer. Amazingly enough. 
A friend? I dont know if i could have handled that would have been the proverbial straw that broke this camels back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

My wife's OM was a friend of mine, but only by association through her, so it's not the same thing at all.

I couldn't imagine my friend being around me, etc, when that was going on. I wouldn't have your restraint!!

The OM did, however, accept our invitation to my 40th birthday party before DDay. It was quickly revoked.


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

I'm still questioning how I missed what was going on until the last few weeks of their affair. 
She was my "friend", rather then a family friend. When she came by, my WH would carry on with whatever he was doing rather then sit and socialize with us. I never caught them flirting or anything like that.
I started to get that "feeling" from him that something was going on, but I had no idea who it was with. When I found his secret e-mail account and saw his emails to her, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.
In retrospect, I feel a little bit like I handed him over to her. I told her everything she needed to appeal to him.


----------



## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> I'm still questioning how I missed what was going on until the last few weeks of their affair.
> She was my "friend", rather then a family friend. When she came by, my WH would carry on with whatever he was doing rather then sit and socialize with us. I never caught them flirting or anything like that.
> I started to get that "feeling" from him that something was going on, but I had no idea who it was with. When I found his secret e-mail account and saw his emails to her, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.
> In retrospect, I feel a little bit like I handed him over to her. I told her everything she needed to appeal to him.


Don't kick your self. It's not your fault. Some cheaters get a kick out of having OM/OW right in front of you. If people want to deceive, they usually can pull it off, even in front of the most intelligent and/or perceptive people.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You missed it because (1) you trusted people you previously had no reason not to trust and (2) they made concerted efforts to hoodwink you. It's pretty easy to do that to someone who trusts you.


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

This last month has been really hard and I thank everyone for their comments. Our MC really downplayed to role the OW being my friend would have in our R. It's good to know I'm not wrong on this.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're kidding?! You got betrayed by TWO people!


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

turnera said:


> You're kidding?! You got betrayed by TWO people!


Unfortunately, not. The MC seems to think that OW is not important  and that we should be focusing on "healing the marriage". I'm pretty sure that I'm not going back to her.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> Unfortunately, not. The MC seems to think that OW is not important  and that we should be focusing on "healing the marriage". I'm pretty sure that I'm not going back to her.


OM is ignoring the marriage can't be healed without healing the two people. It's important to you, to your healing. MC is chosing to ignore/dismiss your feelings in that regard.
How can't be irrelevant you now not only have to rebuild the trust issues in your husband but you will have lasting trust issues with friends?
How is your real friend now? How can you trust anyone of the opposite sex with is around your and your WH from now on? Because they protray themselves as friends? Because your husband introduce her as "friend"?
If OW was next door neibourgh it would be also irrelevant?
If OW was a family member it would be also irrelevant?

I get he/she needs you both focusing your energies in the marriage and don't get distracted whith more stuff. Sorta "don't borrow trouble". It's a matter of priorities but dismissing your feelings refusing to adress how it afftects your personal recoverys is irresponsable IMHO.

If MC completely dismiss it you are going to recover from this aspect on your own. I sen't you a PM.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Never trust a MC like that. She has NO understanding of affairs and, hell, doesn't even seem to understand basic psychology. Run.


----------

