# I hate KIK...need advice



## Jj47 (Jan 30, 2016)

Long story short, my husband and I had been together since we were 17. We are now 28, were married at 26. About 1 month before our wedding, I went to turn off the music on his phone because I couldn't sleep, and I found an open conversation with multiple people on this app called kik. Until that time, I had never heard of this app, but based on the conversations I was seeing, clearly he was inappropriately texting random women. My standards/feelings about all things cheating were well known to him at the time, and needless to say my "discovery" caused a huge problem considering we were about to get married. We talked it out, cried it out, went to a counselor--ultimately he agreed to never do it again because he saw how badly it would hurt me and he was so afraid that he would lose me. So, we decided to move past that bump in our relationship, got married, and the last nearly 2.5 years have been great. That is, until last week.

I am in grad school and was searching for podcasts on itunes---turned out itunes was linked to his account. Since I don't use itunes very often, I navigated to tab that indicated that some sort of history could be given. My husband didn't give me any indication that anything strange was going on, but the past caught up with me, and I decided to check his app download history. Well, lo and behold, I discovered that he had been using kik for 4 YEARS prior to us getting married. The last 2.5 years of marriage do not show that he has done anything unfaithful, but this new bit of information has hit me hard. I confronted him and told him what happened. He admitted that he lied about how often he used it because he "didn't want to lose me." Had I known that it was 4 years worth of infidelity, I seriously do not think I would have married him. At least not 1 month later. I really do not know what to do. I (stupidly?) believe that he has been faithful throughout our marriage, but this new info really threw a wrench in my vision of our relationship. I feel so betrayed, and it scares me that for 4 YEARS I didn't expect a thing. This is so hard for me because I pride myself in having good judgment. 

My husband maintains that it was never something that was missing with me, that it was him being immature and taking our relationship for granted. He says that he had terrible self confidence and was seeking validation from others that he was still desirable. He denied having a "relationship" with 1 person, and that it was always random. He says that he feels so much better about himself since we've been married because he has truly stepped up as a husband and never once even wanted to use kik. Clearly this doesn't change the fact that what he did was infidelity. I was able to forgive him thinking it was a one time bad judgment call. Now knowing that he did this to me for 4 years, lied about it before our wedding, we got married, and NOW i find out...I just absolutely don't know what to do. 

I don't want to get divorced, but I also don't want to be lied to or cheated on. Who's to say this won't happen again? He says it won't, but how am I supposed to trust his word? I'm afraid I'm going to become that typical person making excuses for her significant other. Has anyone been through anything similar? How did or did you not work through this with your spouse?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So he hasn't done anything for 2.5 years? That's good.
Kik is a cheater's app. Erases everything-- pics for example.
It may be he's done with it, it may be he's a serial cheater. You will have to find out. Divorce? Why, are you worried he's going to cheat? Has anything changed sex-wise in 2.5 years? If not, maybe no need, but I would be careful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jj47 (Jan 30, 2016)

He has given me no reason to suspect anything in the last 2.5 years. The only reason I mentioned divorce is had I known about the 4 years of unfaithfulness prior to getting married, I truly don't think I would have married him. About a week ago, prior to my discovery of old skeletons, we were really happy and our relationship/sex life/everything was going well. I guess I'm just having a hard time reconciling with the fact that, in a way, I got married under false pretenses. I'm trying to decide (find a way to) forgive this situation, but now my trust in him is rattled and I'm afraid of getting hurt in the future.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Anyone can get hurt in the future. I'd count my blessings, but just pay attention.

He can't help what he did before. It's the last 2.5 years that counts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jj47 (Jan 30, 2016)

I agree, I'm just having a hard time overcoming the way things panned out.


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