# I need a male perspective



## newgirl11 (4 mo ago)

My husband and I aren't getting along that great right now and I need to know if there's something I need to be doing to be a better wife.

I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.

I understand that's what he enjoys doing in his free time, but it's to the point where I don't enjoy going anywhere with him because I know he's annoyed and just wants to be home. We cannot go out of town for a "fun" day without getting into a fight because he's so irritable. 

I try to be understanding of the fact that he works long days and just wants to do what's relaxing to him, but I feel like he's happiest when I just leave him alone and I don't want my relationship to be like that...

Do I just need to leave him alone and let him do his thing or does he need to try harder to spend time with me?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

newgirl11 said:


> My husband and I aren't getting along that great right now and I need to know if there's something I need to be doing to be a better wife.
> 
> I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.
> 
> ...


Well, your first paragraph asks what you can do to be a better wife and every other paragraph you wrote is bashing him. So I’d look at that for starters. Listen, I’m no gamer, but from what I hear they are very introverted and could be loners. You want to get out and enjoy life. I don’t think that’s their personality. But again, I don’t play video games. Mix match?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Did he play video games before you got married? What do you do for a living?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If the game playing is serious to the point where it’s affecting your relationship just tell him straight up and make him pick.

Everyone needs time to decompress from work, but competitive gaming online is like having a second job.


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## newgirl11 (4 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Did he play video games before you got married? What do you do for a living?


He did, not nearly as much as he does now. I'm a pharmacy technician.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

newgirl11 said:


> He did, not nearly as much as he does now. I'm a pharmacy technician.


Ok, what I’m hearing is that he works really hard and needs time to decompress. You sound more extroverted than he is, and a pharmacy technician is not as physically demanding as his job (while still being demanding and important). That said, you need time to decompress too, and want to spend time with him. That’s a good thing. 

Part of marriage is learning to compromise. That means he needs his time alone to relax and you need time with him. If you both just break off and do things separately, you’ll grow apart and your marriage may not survive.

Can you sit down at a time when you’re both calm and talk about it? Will he discuss it with you?

When you do talk to him, be careful of the language you use. For example, “When I ask you to do things with me, I feel like you get annoyed with me and don’t want to be with me and I feel hurt and rejected.” Don’t be accusatory and really try not to use language that sounds like you’re blaming him. You guys are different people and you’re figuring out how to make things work. Nothing is anyones fault and no one is trying to hurt anyone else. I struggled with that for years before I got it figured out, I’m hoping you can benefit from my stumbles. I bet you can find a middle ground where everyone gets what they need.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I think probably the best wifey thing you can do is show interest in and maybe participate in gaming with him. This is coming from a guy that is a long-time gamer. Right now, your man's favorite hobby is something you probably are indifferent on at best, and maybe even bitter about at worst. 

I do think his irritability is a problem though. As I said, I am also a gamer and I enjoy my gaming time but I don't act like a jerk when I go out and do things with my lady.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

What you have right now it will get worse as time goes by. This story is old. Dude, don't pay enough attention to his woman. His woman as time goes by start to resent more and more, until there's this disconnect that it can't no longer be repaired, and the relationship is over one way or another. This is your future.

You must pick a neutral time and sit him down and explain to him where this relationship is at and where is heading. In his head most likely everything is fine; therefore you need to make sure that he comes to a Jesus' moment so that everything is clear and nothing's is left to misunderstandings. Be clear, concise and to the point with your requirements for the relationship to continue. Women in general tend to make demands in a round around way saying one thing a meaning something else. I'm saying this so that you don't go around and around when you sit him down. You must do this, otherwise he'll continues clueless.

You need to mean what you say, abd he needs to understand that you mean what you say. If you two don't get to an understanding, then, I'm afraid that you'll be wasting your life and time in a relationship that is not compatible.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Women in general tend to make demands in a round around (_ETA: about?_) way saying one thing a meaning something else.


Quoted for truth. Again, trying to help by pointing out my own past mistakes. Every single time I have failed to ask for what I really wanted and tried hinting around it, not only did I not get what I wanted but I ended up feeling resentful and eventually those feelings bubbled over into a scene with tears and yelling. No one wins in those scenarios. Be calm, clear, concise, direct and honest. While being nice. If it sounds like you're twisting yourself into a pretzel, you are, but that's WAY better than the alternative. Ask me how I know.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

does he help out on weekends , 
he is not in that hard a job that he can't help out more , 
some men get waited on by mother all their life while their sisters are made wait on them 
My wife and I have two children a boy and girl ,
I came from a family where we had huge respect for the girl my sister and we were all the same in our parents eyes , and my father was a good cook even though he worked on the land 7 days a week when work was work ,
My wife even still when we are sitting down to eat when she is giving out food the men in the house has to be served first ,with over 30 years I try to get her to change on that but it is so bedded into her , her mother was the same , ( mother hen )

he is taking you for granted


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Part of marriage is learning to compromise. That means he needs his time alone to relax


seems like he is doing only relaxing when not at work , 
she has a job to it is not right if he expects her to do her days work and then they come home and all he has to do is play games and she has to start the second job keeping house and making it a home while lord sits and plays games ,


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> I think probably the best wifey thing you can do is show interest in and maybe participate in gaming with him. This is coming from a guy that is a long-time gamer. Right now, your man's favorite hobby is something you probably are indifferent on at best, and maybe even bitter about at worst.
> 
> I do think his irritability is a problem though. As I said, I am also a gamer and I enjoy my gaming time but I don't act like a jerk when I go out and do things with my lady.


Depends on the type of gaming. Have played plenty of console stuff with my wife but she’s not going to play CSGO or something where making a mistake you get yelled at by 12 year old Russian kids.

Playing competitively with a team is also something where you need to play at a set time and normally for a decent chunk of time like 3-5 hours and often the time will be after dinner which is prime “hang out with wife time”. This can be true with playing with guys from work as well.

I’d just get him to carve out time and schedule it. Like hey on Friday night we’re going out to a movie each week. Something like that. Maybe you need more often, maybe after dinner you watch shows together with no phones for a couple hours or go on a walk.

This might be hard if he is on call or something so you might need to schedule around that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> seems like he is doing only relaxing when not at work ,
> she has a job to it is not right if he expects her to do her days work and then they come home and all he has to do is play games and she has to start the second job keeping house and making it a home while lord sits and plays games ,


She didn't say he was doing that. I don't want to assume he is.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> She didn't say he was doing that. I don't want to assume he is.


 i am seeing a new side of you 
where did the old Texas mom go , equal work and equal pay lol


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> i am seeing a new side of you
> where did the old Texas mom go , equal work and equal pay lol


Equal work for equal pay (a thing we already have, BTW, the "wage gap" nonsense is exactly that) are not incompatible with being a good person or being patient with people and recognizing that men and women are different. The "man-hater" label came from red pill guys who are still mad the head cheerleader wouldn't date them.

Plus I know you're just teasing, you and I have an understanding I think. You're not one of those guys at all.

O/T, sometimes the laughing emoji isn't sarcastic laughter. It's just laughter. The more you know.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Equal work for equal pay (a thing we already have, BTW, the "wage gap" nonsense is exactly that) are not incompatible with being a good person or being patient with people and recognizing that men and women are different. The "man-hater" label came from red pill guys who are still mad the head cheerleader wouldn't date them.
> 
> Plus I know you're just teasing, you and I have an understanding I think. You're not one of those guys at all.


 when I see men come here and post about they want sex every night , and then see some men say they need to play a game at set times for a long time 
I START THINKING ABOUT how do they expect their wife to be up for sex when all she has seen or interacted with him is his back turned to the pc for 3 to 5 h

men can't expect women to work their job and come home and start again while I play and have no family life , you can relax while helping her and been present in the real life of living together why get married was it to have his slippers handed to him when he gets in and bring his food to him while he plays on play station with his Gamer pc sitting on his gamer chair with gamer sound and vibration,


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Depends on the type of gaming. Have played plenty of console stuff with my wife but she’s not going to play CSGO or something where making a mistake you get yelled at by 12 year old Russian kids.
> 
> Playing competitively with a team is also something where you need to play at a set time and normally for a decent chunk of time like 3-5 hours and often the time will be after dinner which is prime “hang out with wife time”. This can be true with playing with guys from work as well.
> 
> ...


It all depends, man. I used to play World of Warcraft REALLY competitively in what some would call a "hardcore" pvp guild and my now ex GF at the time basically picked up PC gaming and played with me. We had a blast. By the time we broke up, gaming was really the biggest thing holding us together. I'd at least say it is worth his wife digging deeper. Maybe he would appreciate her taking interest in his hobbies and maybe it would be nice if she actually joined him. If the guy gets mad because he is too hardcore and she is holding him back, then he sucks anyway. I don't care how competitive he is.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> when I see men come here and post about they want sex every night , and then see some men say they need to play a game at set times for a long time
> I START THINKING ABOUT how do they expect their wife to be up for sex when all she has seen or interacted with him is his back turned to the pc for 3 to 5 h
> 
> men can't expect women to work their job and come home and start again while I play and have no family life , you can relax while helping her and been present in the real life of living together why get married was it to have his slippers handed to him when he gets in and bring his food to him while he plays on play station with his Gamer pc sitting on his gamer chair with gamer sound and vibration,


You're right about all of that. Men should not expect to treat their homes like hotels and their wives like servants and then expect enthusiastic porn sex every night. Women can't expect to complain and whine and not contribute and have men at their beck and call. People need to be nicer to each other. Marriage isn't about unconditional love, and I mean honestly, do any of us really deserve that? The only unconditional love is between mother and child, everyone else needs to make an effort to be nice.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Enigma32 said:


> It all depends, man. I used to play World of Warcraft REALLY competitively in what some would call a "hardcore" pvp guild and my now ex GF at the time basically picked up PC gaming and played with me. We had a blast. By the time we broke up, gaming was really the biggest thing holding us together. I'd at least say it is worth his wife digging deeper. Maybe he would appreciate her taking interest in his hobbies and maybe it would be nice if she actually joined him. If the guy gets mad because he is too hardcore and she is holding him back, then he sucks anyway. I don't care how competitive he is.


Oh damn! I was the same way with WoW when the housing market crashed in 2008. Lost my job. Ex-wife refused to move to another city. Not many jobs in town in my field. Took me forever to find a new job. Played woW night and day every day for a year.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I would try marriage counseling. Is he depressed?

There could be something going on that might not have anything to do with you.

I stopped making time for my wife when she made it clear I wasn’t one of her priorities. That is when I put everything into my kids.


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## Someone3 (4 mo ago)

Spouses are supposed to find solace and comfort with eachother. Spending time playing games provides a sort of escapism to gamers, and it's sad to hear him escaping and enjoying with video games. When he goes out with you he becomes easily irritable or he's not eating out or spending that time:

maybe he hasn't even got an issue with you, and his issue is with life. gets the feeling that he 'has to' 'get through' the outing like he's only there because ' that's what couples are 'supposed to do"? like he doesn't want to be there to begin with and he's just trying to tolerate the whole experience and 'put up' with it? Also the fact that youfeel left out and concerned is a good sign. Try approaching him differently and ask him how he is (not in a casual way but in a more considerate, caring way).. He probably isn't even fully aware of his state because he himself probably never gave it much thought..?..

On the extra, I myself unmarried try and cut from video games; my younger brother plays in living room while I eat and I gotta tell myself to turn my head away because it's enticing and overwhelming (Fortnite for example): all the colours, the audio, games are immersive. It hijacks the gamers attention and is very alluring, definitely addictive and escapist tool. The reason why I avoid is I try be mindful of my existence, my life, the world I live in, where I'm at in this moment: all so I could take care of myself, be at peace and so I can live purposefully. I find that with video games (Fortnite, FIFA, etc) hijacks all of my attention and honestly I cannot afford to be stimulated by such things because time is not on my side, peace is not on my side, a fulfilling experience and life isn't on my side - if someone's hollow and in want of filling the 'blanks' - games do not really fill in those blanks.. especially with the advancement of tech games nowadays and their enticing immersive nature is a real distraction and after thats over you're just the same ol you - for me, it's a real rut. Feeling 'in need of video game time' is the perfect time for reflection: this is how we wake up and can realise the blessings of life: of being alive, realising the reality of death while experiencing the daylight right before you will allow you to realise the blessing of life, react with gratitude and to realise a wife beside you in that moment will hopefully be enough to delete those games.

We have a soul, a consciousness and videogames inhibits our faculty of reflection, blinds us spiritually (literally) and as usual with life, it all lies with the state of one's soul.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Oh damn! I was the same way with WoW when the housing market crashed in 2008. Lost my job. Ex-wife refused to move to another city. Not many jobs in town in my field. Took me forever to find a new job. Played woW night and day every day for a year.


I was into it more back around release time at the end of 2004 until around 2006-07. I paid all the bills around the house but I wasn't working a lot. Ex GF didn't have a job and maybe she just got bored enough to try PC gaming. PVP was crazy competitive back then and she joined me. That part of our relationship was nice at least. I know a lot of gamer guys and almost all of them would love if they found a woman that would at least take interest if not join them.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You're right about all of that. Men should not expect to treat their homes like hotels and their wives like servants and then expect enthusiastic porn sex every night. Women can't expect to complain and whine and not contribute and have men at their beck and call. People need to be nicer to each other. Marriage isn't about unconditional love, and I mean honestly, do any of us really deserve that? The only unconditional love is between mother and child, everyone else needs to make an effort to be nice.


 From my experience and we work 7 days 
even on weekends the kids work beside us , they like it and we are sharing time together , 
we often do 16h days 
the normal working week is 35h here 
but I know this much if I was to go on the pc at night when we entered the house and one of the kids would be calling me to spend time with us as a family , 

but I must be doing things wrong I should go on the internet and play with strangers and talk to them and put them first . romantic that is 

yaa pull the other one guys 
you can't lock yourself away in your own little world and then expect the rest of the world to put their world on hold while your playing games and then expect your kids to love you if they don't know you and same goes for your wife ,


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

So he would rather play video games than spend time with you? I get wanting to unwind from work, but that’s one of the many reasons you get married..to spend time together. 

Seems like a serious talk is in order. Let him know how you feel. Tell him your needs. And make sure he knows you need to be a priority. And maybe do some other stuff he’s interested in..date night bowling, going to a movie, etc.


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

newgirl11 said:


> My husband and I aren't getting along that great right now and I need to know if there's something I need to be doing to be a better wife.
> 
> I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.
> 
> ...


This isn't cool in my book. I spent a lot of time gaming in my life. It's just a hobby and shouldn't replace a wife's emotional needs 7 days a week. From a guy's perspective, he needs to do better here.

If he's tired and irritable when he's going out, have you tried having sex with him just before leaving? That can go a long way with relieving irritability. I'm sure you've already talked to him about going out some. What did he say?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

newgirl11 said:


> My husband and I aren't getting along that great right now and I need to know if there's something I need to be doing to be a better wife.
> 
> I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.
> 
> ...


He’s a man child that’s never grown up.


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Ok, what I’m hearing is that he works really hard and needs time to decompress. You sound more extroverted than he is, and a pharmacy technician is not as physically demanding as his job (while still being demanding and important). That said, you need time to decompress too, and want to spend time with him. That’s a good thing.
> 
> Part of marriage is learning to compromise. That means he needs his time alone to relax and you need time with him. If you both just break off and do things separately, you’ll grow apart and your marriage may not survive.
> 
> ...


I agree. Be specific when giving a compliment and be generic when you criticise him. Hope that makes sense.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i forecast a new poster in one or two years 
My wife does not want sex we used to have sex every day , and now we don't even talk , 
I work hard bring in the money I don't know what is gone wrong , 
Response 
just because your married now the dating should never stop , do one night a week, 

you have to put in more work after the big day don't get lazy and think it i am good now she can't get away, you have to put in more work in , life changes around us you have to improve your commination all the time


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> I used to play World of Warcraft REALLY competitively in what some would call a "hardcore" pvp guild and my now ex GF at the time basically picked up PC gaming and played with me.


Useless without MMR


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

newgirl11 said:


> _*I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.
> 
> I understand that's what he enjoys doing in his free time, but it's to the point where I don't enjoy going anywhere with him because I know he's annoyed and just wants to be home. We cannot go out of town for a "fun" day without getting into a fight because he's so irritable.
> 
> ...


Soooo, you married a 14 year old, socially and emotionally stunted male. 

Big deal, his job is "stressful." *Lots* of people's jobs are 'stressful,' unless he thinks he's a special snowflake deserving of special treatment? The difference between him and the rest of the adult working world is those with stressful jobs don't all run right home to play video games all night instead of acting like an adult and being present in the real world. And they don't act like having to get in the car and go anywhere for a day out away from their little video game is the 7th Circle of Hell.

I would have no patience for this man-child. Your mistake is thinking that YOU'RE not trying hard enough and YOU'RE the only one trying to fix it.

I'd be having a Come to Jesus talk with Peter Pan and I'd be letting him know that things need to change or you'll need to re-think your options.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Part of marriage is learning to compromise. That means he needs his time alone to relax and you need time with him. If you both just break off and do things separately, you’ll grow apart and your marriage may not survive.


This. It isn't so black and white, my way or his way, it's a compromise. Remember, marriage isn't about "winning" the argument. If you win, he loses. Compromise is the best option. Both give a bit; both get a bit. 

Try to tell him exactly how you feel in calm, unemotional, language. Trying not to make him feel defensive will go a long way.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

If he works all day and then he plays video games in the evening ignoring you, why are you married to him? I bet he does not ignore you when he wants sex.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Talk, etc isn’t going to change who he is.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> Talk, etc isn’t going to change who he is.


This is a very important point that OP should seriously consider. At 28, he's already who he is.

He would need to consciously enough be putting the effort every day of his life to be able to pull out of himself to do those things that he needs to do in order for the relationship to be in equal standings. But, I doubt he will make enough of an effort. But yes, the "talk" should happens, regardless. At least she would have warned him of the consequences.


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## adventurebiker77 (4 mo ago)

About 10-12 years ago I was your husband. I wasn't overly interested at work, didn't have tonnes of spare money and so didn't have many hobbies. I started play games instead of watching the TV, so it didn't really eat into our time. Then I started staying up late playing, when my wife went to bed. Then I started playing weekends instead of going out. 

I became very addicted , it didn't help that some games have no pause, they continuously play so if you are aware you end up constantly worrying, some games also create a sense of status particularly if there is a social aspect to it, you know like so and so is a god at this game etc.

I had no real idea how lonely it made my wife until she told me, nor did I realize how much life I was missing out on, looking back I wasted probably a good 18months / 2years.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

newgirl11 said:


> My husband and I aren't getting along that great right now and I need to know if there's something I need to be doing to be a better wife.
> 
> I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.
> 
> ...


This is the kind of situation that marriage counseling is for. Those people are experts in communications and can help you to say things to each other so that you are both understood. You, for all that you are trying to be honest and open and loving, might be saying things in such a way as to seem to him as pushy or upset. Your intent is irrelevant. It's how he receives it. Now that is an aspect that also needs work. But a counselor can help you to make statements and put forth your feelings in such a why they do not come across as accusatory. It's a skill. It has to be learned. It is not something that comes naturally. That is a myth. More marriages fail due to lack of communication than any other reason. And that lack can lead to other reasons, which is what most people attribute to the break ups. If nothing else, you take the lessons to learn how to communicate more effectively, and then use it with him. Maybe that will help.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

I work long hours and like playing games too - but I realize there is more to life. Just going out with you and enjoying himself once or twice a week is not unreasonable for you to ask, no.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Ask him if he is willing to limit the amount of time he spends gaming.
IF he wants to game for 4 hours ask him if he would be willing to do 3 and spend an hour with you.

life is about having things you want to be happy - AND compromise. So ask him to compromise if he can still get what he wants and keep the connection with you as well.


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## bob997 (5 mo ago)

Seems like hubby might need to limit his “time with the boys” to once or twice a week- once or less if you guys have kids.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

newgirl11 said:


> My husband and I aren't getting along that great right now and I need to know if there's something I need to be doing to be a better wife.
> 
> I'm 25, my husband is 28. He's a plumber and does very laborious work. When he's not at work the ONLY thing he wants to be doing is sitting at his computer playing video games.
> 
> ...


No, you both need to date, game. Seduce each other. What dreams do you have as a couple, 
Read Dr. Gottman and Easter purely books on relationships 9


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

it is the small things in life that make a marriage work , 
there is a difference in a marriage that works and a marriage that is just you people working and raising children going about their duties going to bed together but not been together ,

the way you even say hello when one or the other gets home , is important , 
the way you say it is bed time , been with the family is very important , but that is only if the person is WITH the family , 
If I was to walk in at evening time and ask my wife how was your day darling give her a kiss sit down for the meal and then sit on the couch and give 3 hours beside my wife and children but looking at Facebook, and chatting with Facebook friends , am I really a good husband and father I am there with them for 3 to 4h I kissed my wife asked her how her day way but chatted with people I don't know 

then I have to go to work again in the morning and drop off the kids at school so it is time to go to bed get horny wham bang and off to sleep , but I am to be excessed as I work hard 7 days a week and bring in money , and spend time with my wife . 

but how many do this type life , and think they are in a marriage , and not just sharing a roof with people that are all living their own life ,


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

frenchpaddy said:


> when I see men come here and post about they want sex every night , and then see some men say they need to play a game at set times for a long time
> I START THINKING ABOUT how do they expect their wife to be up for sex when all she has seen or interacted with him is his back turned to the pc for 3 to 5 h
> 
> men can't expect women to work their job and come home and start again while I play and have no family life , you can relax while helping her and been present in the real life of living together why get married was it to have his slippers handed to him when he gets in and bring his food to him while he plays on play station with his Gamer pc sitting on his gamer chair with gamer sound and vibration,


I think, I put away the video games at about age 12, when I decided it was time to start acting more grown up.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> The "man-hater" label came from red pill guys who are still mad the head cheerleader wouldn't date them.


No it came from your constant bashing of things male that you typically do. 

You should really speak about things you know something about, which does not include RP and NMMNG book. You can't be further from the truth. Speaking about those things makes you look like the president or those dem mayor's talking about guns. Someone take that gun from them before they shoot themselves. 

Equating those types of guys in Reddit RP to the RP movent, is like equating all Christians to The Clan or the Skinheads because they say they call themselves christian.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@newgirl11 I have been heavily into gaming since I was about 10 or 11. I'm 51 now and I have had my share of over indulgence in gaming. Many nights playing until the sun came up. Times where I left my wife go to bed alone while I played games. I regret a lot of those times. Once in a while is one thing, but when it gets to be so often that it is impacting your relationship it is a major issue. When you start adding up the time spent on the game (a lot of games actually give you that number) and it is more time than you spend with your wife it is a major problem. It is just like cheating in many respects. Time that could be spent with your spouse is being spent somewhere else. I know this isn't a solution, but rather just an acknowledgement that this is a real problem.

My problem is I have a very obsessive streak. When I would get into a game I had a burning need to finish and dig into every aspect of it, to the point it was just about all I could think about. It really took a come to Jesus moment with my wife telling me she needed me to be with her. I hadn't realized how much I was sacrificing with her. She didn't threaten to leave or anything, but left go long enough and I don't doubt it would come to that eventually. What she did was one night she came in while I was playing a game. She dropped her robe to reveal she was completely naked and told me she needed me in the bedroom. I told her I would be right there. Guess what I did, waited so long she was asleep when I finally got there. We had a deep discussion the next day and it finally clicked. She said it felt like there was another person in our relationship named Xbox. When she made it clear that this was about her wanting her husband like a wife should, I felt so guilty and stupid really. I should have needed her to tell me that. We set up some limits, like a hard stop at a certain time. Weekends became our time or family time only with no games, unless we agreed that was what we were all going to be doing. Sadly I needed to be treated a bit like a teenager, because that was the way I was acting. Eventually I had to refocus that obsessive streak elsewhere. I've always been the kind of guy to go head first into something and never quit till the goal was accomplished. As I got older and more mature I put that focus on wife, family and career. Now my primary obsession is my wife. I just have to throttle it enough so I don't smother her with it. 

I'm not sure if any of this actually helps you, lol. Some how you have to get through to him that you want him and his time. Yes, you are a selfish wife, lol. You want your husband's time and affection, and in reality it is owed to you. He needs to be mature enough to the point that he understands this and isn't grumpy because he is spending time with you vs a game. I wonder if he realizes how bad that must make you feel to know that he is a grump because he wants to be with a game more than his wife. This is just like wanting to be with another person rather than your wife. It is a relationship killer. If you can't get that through to him on your own then you may need to talk about getting some outside professional help. 

How long have you been married? Any kids?


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