# my parents and new wife



## spacedye (Apr 20, 2011)

hi. i am 41 year old male. i have been married to my new wife and her 15 year old daughter for almost 3 years now. i was married previously in 4/2000 and divorced by 2005. that relationship started just after high school in 1998. i had a son with my 1st wife in 12/2004. my mother is not accepting my new wife and it seems to me that because of the divorce, she has "chosen my previous wife over my new wife". which stresses the relationship with my current wife and complicates things dring holidays and things like that. i am at the end of my rope with this with my parents. i am not sure how to handle it. recently, they went to florida for 6 months. when they got back, they got in touch with my ex and wanted to see my son, their grandson and my ex drove him over to see them. i feel they should have waited for me to bring him around, which would have been today, wednesday, which is my day during the week to see him or this weekend, since i have him every other weekend. please help.. what should, can i do or what should i say to my parents?
i already spoke to my family and said this has to stop. if you want to see my son, see him when i have him. dont call m ex to see him. also, i cant control who they choose to have relations with, but i dont think it is a good idea for them to be on the phone or inviting my ex over to see their grandson. it makes me and my wife a bit uncomfortable. i feel they should only be in contact with my ex because of babysitting issues or things like that when they watch him. otherwise, any contact with her should be through me.
please help with any advice. thanks!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sounds to me like you are used to doing what your parents tell you.

So much so that, when you DO try to tell them what you want, they just ignore you and do what they want anyway.

The only way they'll believe you are serious is if you start ACTING serious and effecting changes in how you deal with them. You feel, you think, you wish...what do you DO?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Wow your parents want you to choose between them and your wife? Sayonara mom & pop.


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## spacedye (Apr 20, 2011)

thx for the replys...
its not that they are asking me to choose between them, i just feel as tho after the divorce, which my ex divorced me BTW, they chose her instead of me. and it seems my rother has followed there lead as well. actually, my brothers wife, not my brother. my brother only does what his wife tells him to. seems he has no mind of his own. LOL.. but my parents, i feel, must be upset because my life is not going as they would have liked. so now, they wish to make my life more difficult. 
i know that no good can come from what my parents(mother) is doing. my current wife has done nothing but be kind to them and has basicaly given them no reason to dislike her. except for whatever reasons they must have in their heads. 
my parents are old school, fresh off the boat italians. im 1st gen american and my mother performed the same act when my uncle married his 2nd wife. my mom disliked my uncles 2nd wife with a passion. would not go over for holidays or call. just made life difficult for all involved. 
i just dont see the reason for this behavior, nor can i see what good can come of it. she is only missing out on having a daughter in law. my mother does not approve of my brothers wife either BTW. or did i already say that?LOL!!! 
i am just realizing that i really do not need this relationship with my parents any longer. it interferes with my happiness. 
my wife refused an invite for her, myself, my (step)daughter and son to go to her uncles for easter. she thought to herself since there would not be any kids my sons age, he would not have fun so she declined. 
now, my (step)daughter is going with her father for the greek easter(falls on the same day apparently...) while i have my son overnight (sat into sun) and then she thought i would bring my son to my parents for easter and she would not come. 
but now i have to say no, that i am not going to bring my son over to my parents for easter because there was no invite for my wife and (step)daughter. 
i feel i am doing the right thing and i thank you for your words and thoughts in this thread. i would appreciate any additional input. thanks.
BTW i put the word step in (step) because i consider her to be my daughter if i live with the both of them 24 hours a day. but i respect the boundaries and only "educate" rather than "yell at" or "reprimand" her. my wife treats my son as if it were her own, with boundaires as well. it works fine. but my mother does not and will not recognize this.
lastly, and thank god for this, my wifes parents accept me without any hesitation. from the moment they met me. they have become my parents more than my own parents. 
i believe that my parents need to get on that Dr. Phil show for an wake up call.....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

spacedye said:


> i am just realizing that i really do not need this relationship with my parents any longer. it interferes with my happiness.


Bingo!


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## spacedye (Apr 20, 2011)

just wanted to say thank you for the positive reassurance. i will always be there for my parents when they are ready to accept me and my new family. i dont think i will shut the door on them. but i do feel it is very immature of my mother/parents to behave this way. 
any additional thoughts/replys would be greatly appreciated.
thanks again!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, I do think that just shutting them out without telling them WHY doesn't really do anyone any good. Will your mom change after you tell her WHY you're cutting her out of your life? Probably not. But at least they'll all know why it's happening. And you never know - miracles can happen. They'll just never happen if you don't give them the information they need to make an informed decision.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You're on the right track.

Tell your parents (mother) that any rejection of your wife and step-daughter will be interpreted as a rejection of you.

Let them know they will have no contact with you OR their grandson until your mother can grow up.

Inform your Ex she is not to take your son to his grandparents without your consent and don`t give consent.

Your mother will change her tune quickly.


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