# Great Sex Continues long after break up



## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

My ex and I separated a year and a half ago but have continued to have relations, he took us on one brief vacation last year, takes us out for breakfast, movies. His sex drive is higher than any man I have ever known. When we were together, having two babies and him not being totally even tempered - sex may have cooled off from me - and which could have left him feeling unloved responding by swearing - and downward spiral. After 7 years I couldn't seem to make things better, didn't want kids in a war, and he was treating me like crap (swearing, putting me down). I asked him to go - I felt so much pain because I have always been completely gaga over him, I would've moved heaven and earth for him and in some respects I did (got him entry visa to our country-which was not easy).

I have come to realize my role in the breakdown was cultural collision - I loved him because his strength, brass balls, testosterone - etc. you get the picture - I didn't really want him to behave like a lion on the prowl in our home, wanted more him to be more conservative. It has taken me this long to realize - and I wrote and explained and apologized - because I miss him sooooooooo much - I have cried an ocean - He accepted my letter and said he has realized I am not as bad as most women and that is a cultural thing for sure. He reassures me he will always be around - he hugs me, our kiss is so passionate - he is over most days of the week ---but he still holds back - doesn't always initiate -he almost seems to be teasing me for it. I know he wants me, he has told me he still loves me just last week, the sex is amazing - but I want it 24/7 and he is playing with me, and maybe a bit cautious.
What should I do? Let him be, let him come back in his time, accept our relationship as it is -but keep my options open (I feel very strongly about not letting anyone else into my home around my 3 and 6 year old children.

The thing is - it sucks being a single mom, it is exhausting, I have gone back to school and my grades have suffered considerably, I miss him so much and need the emotional support. I am an emotional wreck I am so attached to him. ] feel in many ways - I gave him the excuse he needed and he is never going to come back because actually raising a family is too much hard work. I can see it in his eyes when he drops the kids off after having them maybe two overnights ( which almost never happens) - it seems to be too much for him - and I do resent it, but am sucking it up in hopes of having a reuniting.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

A lot of bitter men say women lure them with hot sex, get impregnated by them, and then once they get a regular income from them, they show only enough interest to keep them hooked. In some cases, not quite enough interest, and if the man is tough enough and not too attached to being with his kids at all costs, he goes.

The overtly masculine traits you saw in him at the beginning made him a good bet biologically, but they did not cut him out for domesticity, especially of the feminist variety.

A more passive man would have put up with your treatment, and many of them end up on this site complaining of being stuck in a low-sex or sexless marriage.

However, I'm sure you are not 100% of the cause. Even though PC politics might have influenced you, he probably added to your resentment by letting you down in other ways. It's important not to minimise this aspect, because they will just arise all over again if you get back together. Right now you are only focusing on what you did to push him away, which is not fair on you.

I have collected a list of things that cause women resentment here here.


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Thank you. And no I do not think I am 100% the reason. That is why it has taken me a year and a half to even acknowledge what I have. 

Well I am not sure it was sexless but maybe low sex 2-3 times per week down from 7 times/day. My reasons, exhaustion, he was controlling, he treated me like an object (reasons 2 and 3), hormone levels after the babies, he was verbally aggressive/abusive with me, (not an issue since we split, usually) he was not overly romantic at all (example when he said he did love me last week - it was actually something I should have understood because of all the times he takes us for breakfast, etc.)

Anyway, I couldn't stand a more passive man! that's the problem, I don't want to be able to push someone around - so, I can just listen, he just has a loud way of expressing himself, once he says it and someone agrees, he is generally happy and goes about his day - which usually means resumes looking for sex. I don't care--I love him!!!! How can I get him back or should I even try, just keep our relationship where it is at.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

7 times a day??? Geeeez, he has overtaken even me 

Are you still up for that?


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Well, his expectations have decreased with age? I think - he is 33 now - however my libido has increased significantly - I am 41. I would feel content with once or twice a day.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

So if you got back together, would you be able to put up with his bossiness etc.?


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Yep. Bite my tongue and then smile. That's it. What is the alternative? I am totally miserable. We were happy to be away from him the first few months, and that was all I thought it would be - just a step back for each of us to think more clearly and then come back together. I overtly began to ask about a reconciliation last summer. (Although I still wasn't prepared to have him live with us) He has maintained since then - when hell freezes over - and you know with global warming and all I figure that might take a while. Although lately he sometimes seems to be softening - he is very hard to read. He does love me and the kids but I just don't know if he will come back to live with us, or what it will take to get him here under his own fruition.


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Do you think maybe he is just enjoying this power he has over me now? If he wants to maintain control, this certainly is a very effective way of doing it. I have tried some dates in the last month, this is why I have been fighting harder than ever for him back. One of my dates, I actually started to cry half way through because I couldn't stop thinking of the kids dad, don't want someone else to touch me.. I let this out after he told me he loves us and he just melted!!! It was the biggest display of emotion from him in ages. The next morning after kids went to school, mommy got a special visit from Daddy, but two nights later - he took my kisses and hugs but I couldn't convince him to stay on after the kids had gone to bed - a few days later he shows up ready to carry me up the stairs...I don't know - there is a constant sexual tension between us.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis-

He may have a master plan 

Or he may not. He sounds a lot like me. Even the bossy stuff. I was bossy. Not actually macho though. I never thought of myself as an alpha male. But just last year I realised that my dad is an alpha male ON STEROIDS, and the only reason I did not end up like him is that I had a step dad that put me down and frightened me all the time.

Well, all I can tell you is what would work on me... Tell him if he comes back, you'll never make sex into a weapon again, and... even more importantly, your libido has gone up and you actually WANT him sexually more than ever.

The other route is to just let things develop. It sound like it's getting warmer and warmer


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Thanks Mark. I am feeling better. I'll pin your response on my wall for next time I lose faith.
You sort of sounded like him, I thought you might have some good insights.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis said:


> You sort of sounded like him, I thought you might have some good insights.


Geeez, you got my number, I don't know if I like that


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Well, I talked to him tonight.
All is lost.
He will never ever come back.
He says I destroyed him. He says he went to work every morning miserable and yet thought it would be best to curse and swear at me than to tell me how he felt. He says he is trying to heal himself. He says he will have a relationship with me but he won't ever come back to live in the same house with us.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

All is not lost...

Can you explain the bits in bold type?



alexis said:


> Well, *I talked to him tonight*.
> All is lost.
> He will never ever come back.
> *He says I destroyed him*. He says he went to work every morning miserable and yet thought it would be best to curse and swear at me than to *tell me how he fetl*. He says he is trying to heal himself. He says he will have a relationship with me but he won't ever come back to live in the same house with us.


The fact that he is telling you that you destroyed him is a good sign, it shows he is able to articulate his bitterness. By saying he won't ever come back, he is saying that his integrity towards himself would not allow him to go on taking what he felt to be abuse. Once he is able to forgive you, he will be able to come home.


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

I think you may be right. I definately felt a relief of my anxiety/depression to actually hear how he felt. You know he didn't even speak english when we got together. He is an albanian/greek guy I met in Greece when I lived there for about 10 years. We communicated in Greek - a second language to both of us - he came from a rural village in the mountains of Albanian, the oldest of 4 and was responsible to go to Greece at a young age and make money to send back to care for his family. When I grew up, at that age, I was responsible for working to pay for my coach while training in upper level figure skating, while my mom paid for ice time and drove me all over town to get there - I also grew up with three brothers. I am a very emotional person, but also very strong willed and determined - that is how I was able to get him into Canada - I fought everyone and anyone - I made a personal appeal to a minister through a collegue of my dad's - I found him work - and it was very very difficult for him. But if he had given me a clue of how much he was hurting things would have been so much easier. I guess I should've known from his reactions - but I had to defend myself and I had little babies I was defending too.
I have mountains and mountains of respect for this man, the last thing in the world I wanted to do to him was destroy him. I think we both miscommunicated and went into defense mode.

We are just living under separate roofs. And if I can relearn my behaviours and be all that - we will both really be happier.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis-

I don't know if offering him yourself on a plate was the best thing to do if your objective is to get him back in the house - After all, he is having his cake and eating it. By implying that he can do what he chooses outside of the house, it makes it seem like you are saying he can have girlfriends, and you don't want to know. This smacks of low self esteem. If he is sensitive, he might see that, and pity you; but at 33 he may still not be aware enough to read between the lines.

In the sort term, he will probably be delighted.

However, I would wait a few weeks and think about sending him a fresh email saying you were confused when you wrote that one. 

In the new email you should say that you would offer yourself unreservedly to him if he wished to take up the role of husband again, under one roof. But it is early days. Work on being warm and inviting for now. But don't try to go down the route of being his "booty call" for too long - you will only come to resent him all over again, and your libido will probably suffer. You're a one woman man, and you must be with someone who reciprocates that.

Can you say more about why he felt you destroyed him, and what you actually did, and over how long a period?


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

You see, I hesitated to tell you what I had written because it didn't really seem like the right thing to say to him. I don't need him to pity me either, I need him to lick his wounds and step up and be a man and take care of his family. 

I want him to be proud of me, and say look at this beautiful woman who busted her butt to get me here, as I begged her to do on a daily basis, to have my freedom. She is the woman who managed the household and a baby and started a business for extra money and found me work and tried to help me understand what the guys are like here and that I shouldn't worry about things they say. She is the woman who tried to help acclimatize me to the Canadian culture. She is the one who helped me start another business and her brother fronted the money for it and she did all the bills and taxes and put up with me screaming at her the whole time and criticizing her for not doing it right and telling her she is a terrible woman and complaining about everything under the sun. 

How did I destroy him??? I honestly have no idea. When he yelled, I yelled back when I was just supposed to quietly agree. IT is a bit different now - he has a good job, he speaks english, he can manage his chequing account, I am coming to grips with the whole "don't sweat the small stuff" and just be quiet when he says something outragious.Even my six year old son tells me that - he understands how to manage his dad's temper - just say OK. 

You know he comes by now and he's different, he is calm, he is controlled, he rarely blows a fuse. But most of the time we were together I was terrified of him. I either tried to out yell him or just dissappear. In many ways not having him back at home is better in the event that he will blow his stack again - I don't think I destroyed him - I think the multitude of circumstances and events were just completely overwhelming for him and he probably was/has been suffering from depression or something. It was inappropriate for him to tell me how he felt, so he screamed and scared the hell out of me and the kids.

Back to me on a platter. That is where we were most of the year. I didn't ask what it meant but assumed it was leading us back to being together. Last summer, out of the blue he wanted to take us up to a fancy resort, just for a couple of days, but it would be a first vacation for us since we had been back in Canada. On the way up, he tells me he has a girlfriend and then wonders why I behaved cooly towards him while we were there???? When I confronted him last summer, if we were going to get back he said no. He wants to have sex with me to keep me happy. When I said, I thought I would start looking around and could he suggest any single friends or a good dating website - he told me to stay away from them and he would be happy to arrange a regular schedule of "maintenance" with me. Oh my god this is so convoluted!!!

But, I said that because, from some strings I was following, I understood if man is satisfied sexually he won't have to look around. But it is also my understanding they want what they can not have, or like the chase, or me looking great and being my wonderful self will bring him back, or getting a boyfriend will change his thinking???

My expectation would be that our relationship would be exclusive - yes you are correct.

The other thing I considered saying was - yes I will look around and I will find someone and bring him around and maybe the kids can start calling him dada. - which is true - but, I thought I might save that one for later. I don't think it will sit well with him.

So, now I am completely lost again -!!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis said:


> How did I destroy him??? I honestly have no idea. When he yelled, I yelled back when I was just supposed to quietly agree. IT is a bit different now - he has a good job, he speaks english, he can manage his chequing account, I am coming to grips with the whole "don't sweat the small stuff" and just be quiet when he says something outragious.Even my six year old son tells me that - he understands how to manage his dad's temper - just say OK.


First of all, if you don't know the meaning, the full meaning behind "you destroyed him", you need to find out. Ask him more about it. This will be the key to empathising with him and making him feel validated. It may also cause you to asses whether he is being reasonable.

Now... I want you to think of something else. It would be fantastic if you were get back together with him, but you need to be ready to accept whatever life throws at you. If he wants to have a girlfriend with you on the side, it may be that _he _has blown his chance with _you_. He may simply not be mature enough. Also look at your age. You are the same age as me - 42. I bet you still have your looks, but you could spend the next nine years wasting them on dilly dallying with him, and then just when you think he is yours, he might be 42 and meet a woman of 35 and you won't be able to compete. So perhaps it might be time for you to jump ship as well.

Self esteem must dictate that you tell him to make up his mind. But not just yet. First set your traps! Go back to my first paragraph, and see if you can show him the empathy he feels you lacked.

I am in a hurry and have not taken the time to write clearly, so I would ask you to read this post through again, there is a lot packed within it.


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Frankly, I don't see how I can compete with a woman of 25 right now. Yes I am attractive, moreso than he, most people think he is older than me - nobody ever guesses beyond 32-34 for me - on the dating web-site, if I let people see my profile I get a much larger response from the younger guys than the older ones -responses of up to 25 letters a day.
But things would probably be so much easier for him with someone younger - possibly more attractive - shearly due to youth - and who may just sit and listen to him. 

Jump ship! Where am I supposed to jump ship to?
Set my traps? Which ones do I use? Warm and sympathetic. 
That age thing hurts though. That is the one place I can't do anything - so I don't think I should spend anytime thinking about that. How could he leave me just when I think he's mine just for someone younger? What about family? Culturally, I don't think those guys split up, I think they stay together, I don't think he likes the whole idea of mixed families? I think it would kill him to know his kids were being cared for by someone else - why else would he be so keen to keep me from looking around, even if he did say - go and grab whatever you can get your hands on. 

I know what to do and how to play it, I just have to bite my tongue and control the rage and bitterness I feel towards him. Sex it up with pretty clothes and see through tops and great kids and an organized home - and I will try to get him to come to me. I am concerned he has a girlfriend right now who I am already competing with - which is sort of making me crazy - but he certainly isn't being exclusive with her - and that is the other thing, he would die for his kids and his kids would hate a new mommy - they are extremely attached to me and know all about the pain I have been through. I don't suspect life would be very easy for the new woman when he drops everything for his family 3-5 days/week - that 35 year old or 25 year old may just decide she would rather start with someone who hasn't already been through the ringer and have a gorgeous ex-wife.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You did not mention the g/f in your very first post. That changes everything.

It changes everything. He has his sexual bread buttered on both sides.



alexis said:


> Set my traps? Which ones do I use? Warm and sympathetic.


I already told you, use empathy. 



alexis said:


> That age thing hurts though. That is the one place I can't do anything - so I don't think I should spend anytime thinking about that.


This is why you should be thinking about it. Life is a game of chess. Don't get snookered. 



alexis said:


> I just have to bite my tongue and control the rage and bitterness I feel towards him. Sex it up with pretty clothes and see through tops and great kids and an organized home - and I will try to get him to come to me.


No. Go the empathy route immediately. After that, quite the sex. He should only get that on your terms. Right now you are offering such I good deal, what man could turn it down?

Let me put myself in that position for a moment Hmmmm...

SO I have great sex with my new g/f and... I get to enjoy that warm cuddly sex with my wife (that only familiarity can bestow), in between times. I get to play big hero with the kids, but don't have any of the drudge work...

I was once in this position before I got married, I had no reason to change anything.

Woman, no one will value you more highly than you value yourself.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

If you want to solve this - assuming it can be solved - you need to find his strongest negative emotion. If it is encapsulated in the phrase "you destroyed me", then that is where you have work to do. Any woman can lay on sex, but only you can lay on the empathy and validation that he requires.

Oh, one question... does his g/f know he is sleeping with you?


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

OK, I am not positive about the g/f, if he does he's certainly not considering her too seriously - but as you said enjoying getting his bread buttered on both side. but if he does, there is no way he would tell her he is sleeping with me.

Empathy, he has definately been responding well to that and has opened up more clearly than ever before, with my help I think in apologizing for how I think I may have hurt him. This is the catalyst letter I sent him:

"I just wanted to tell you thank you for all of the help and support you have given me over the years. You are truly my inspiration. You are strong and always come through when I need you the most. And I am truly grateful to you for that. I have a tremendous amount of respect for all you have accomplished. That was why I loved you so much.

But I failed to show you the respect that I loved about you so much. I was hard headed and wanted to push my way. I wanted you because of your strength and I drew on your strength to make me stronger and then I tried to make you less than you were. It has taken me this long to realize what I did. I was childish and stupid and I should have just listened to you.

I am deeply sorry and ashamed. I have needed this time to grow up and understand this. I will never forgive myself
for the pain that I caused you, and I vow never to do that again."

So, now I guess I have to stay true to my word and just be nice and show him that respect.....and not have sex with him???

In truth, I would like him to tell me the same, I would like him to acknowledge how hard he was on me - and how hard the times were for both of us when we came here. He says he does forgive me and that is why he enjoys taking us all out together and spending extra time with us. I think it will take time for him to see me be consistantly empathetic and respectful with him, but that he should also consider the implications of me moving on and letting someone else into our life.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis said:


> So, now I guess I have to stay true to my word and just be nice and show him that respect.....and not have sex with him???


Let me be clear. I am not saying cut the sex *now*.
I am saying do this, in this order.


Carry on as you are for now.
Talk some more, and rather than simply say sorry, get him to tell you how you "destroyed him". *Then repeat that back to him in your own words, as if you are getting him to make sure you understood correctly. Then say sorry.*
Wait 2 or 3 weeks. Then make your offer of unconditional love and sex, but only if he wants to be back in the position of husband under one roof.
Then cut the sex and wait. Be nice, kiss and cuddle him when he comes round, but when ever he tries to move on to sex, just politely remind him that you only sleep with your "husband". That will show him that you are of value. It can also be done with humour which is key.

The bold part is the empathy technique. Do a Google search on empathic listening.



alexis said:


> but if he does, there is no way he would tell her he is sleeping with me.


This does not make his character look all that good. Are you saying he is a cheater?


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

No, not a cheater, not when he is committed in a relationship. Anyways, I only suspected he had a girlfriend when he offered only to take the kids on Sunday and I know his off days were last night, tonight and tomorrow night. And he is supposed to be taking them overnight when he can. But I had plans and playdates with the kids on Sunday so said it wouldn't work. He hadn't gotten back to me about when he would take them - so I thought - intimate getaway. - So, he just called at 7:15am asking if for our daughter's Social insurance number because he wants to go and file his taxes - and could he pick them up later? I said sure. So, no girlfriend.

I will follow the process you outlined and see how it goes.
Thanks again.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis said:


> I will follow the process you outlined and see how it goes.
> Thanks again.


I can't promise anything. The main point is, it is about moving to a place of integrity while trying to keep everything happy.

What you must absolutely get clear on is that he is not the be-all and end-all of your life.




> I just have to bite my tongue and control the rage and bitterness I feel towards him.


So the above quote is not in alignment with the principles I am stating. Begin as you mean to go on, or history will simply repeat.


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Hey, I thought I would add an update to my story. I didn't quite follow your method outlined. When he confessed his feelings and how he needed to make himself better, etc with no regard for his family was enough for me to say - do it, I am done (to myself) I actually cut ties with him for two months, I showed him little or no interest but was pleasant and concerned if he seemed upset. He did become increasingly hostile as time passed. He was angry when he brought the kids back and seemed to be in a bad mood a lot. One day I asked him for a hug, but actually was dating someone and was trying to focus my interest on the other person, so I didn't let the hug go any further. But I melted in his arms. He didn't want to let go of me and acted like he wanted more. 

My dates were not interesting to me. I went on 1, 3 dates with several guys and I had no interest in any of them. This only affirmed my conviction in reuniting my family. Beginning on my son's birthday and going up and down for three weeks, I am no further ahead. He gets a lot closer, spends quality time, says is my best friend, sleeps over, shares personal stories and aspirations and dreams, fixes things I have broken and take us out for lunch and coffee. Before leaving one day, I had had him help me work out a budget, he made a to do list for me, and on it he wrote down, would not say it to me, he wrote - "don't show my emotions on my face in front of the kids" . This got us back to talk about relationship which I didn't want to do. So I said, but you show none and the kids think you don't like me and then tell me that. He said it is not true at all and the kids shouldn't be interpreting things like that. The conversation continued, I was emotional - he said his whole life he has had to take care of people, his family and then me and the kids, and no one ever helps him. I reminded him I did help him many times. And I reassured him I understood how hard his growing up was, and am learning how to talk to him and consider that, and that we are here for him and we always support him. He started getting anxious and got up and said, with his head down, he is trying to move on - and I said, OK, but we will always be here for him - then he got mad, told me I was giving him stress, threw his cup into the sink and ran out of the house and drove away without saying good bye to the kids.

The next day he's on the phone, after my son called him to complain I wouldn't let him outside to play after dinner in the rain, he says "let him go out side!!!!!!! f*** you!!!!!" , I hang up, because he is not allowed to swear at me, he calls back, same thing. This continued through mother's day, when he refused several invitations I made him to join us for dinner at home or at a restaurant - no response - but did call to take the kids for a few hours. My son called him back and said 'I am going to be takin mom out for dinner tonight,so, OK!" 

I did converse with him that night about what went sour the week earlier. He said, he was done, nothing was left, not going back to the way things were. He puts a lot of blame on my parents - I know he hurts too and I know he loves me, but he won't back down.

I break down in tears 20 times/day. I feel like ending things. I feel lonely and unlovable and useless. I feel like a complete failure and don't know what the point is anymore. 

One of my biggest issues is that by wanting him I have given him all of the control. I have to find my self esteem, my reason to go on, be successful and happy and practice smiling for no reason. But I can't forgive my self becuase I kicked him out, because he was so constantly abusive with me. He would even tell my son mommy is mooty - which is Albanian for Mommy is shi**y. He had shared that little gem with our son for years.
Women in the neighbourhood who have met him say they think he seems friendly but they all see these very strong underlying aggressions he has.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis said:


> One of my biggest issues is that by wanting him I have given him all of the control. I have to find my self esteem, my reason to go on, be successful and happy and practice smiling for no reason. But I can't forgive my self becuase I kicked him out, because he was so constantly abusive with me. He would even tell my son mommy is mooty - which is Albanian for Mommy is shi**y. He had shared that little gem with our son for years.
> Women in the neighbourhood who have met him say they think he seems friendly but they all see these very strong underlying aggressions he has.


Hi Alexis!
Nice to hear back form you.
You never mentioned the abuse before to this depth - you made him sound no worse than a little macho.

So now we get the truth. There was a tincy wincy bit of co-dependency going on. And now you're seeing right through it. This can only be good. 

I can understand why your dates seemed boring. If nothing else, your Ex is a man's man, and women usually find that sort of guy hot. However, unless they have integrated their dark side, a real macho man is a liability. You need a man that can *be tough when he has to, but does not have to be tough...*

I wrote a little piece on it here: Integrating our dark side. E-satsang by Mark


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## alexis (Feb 11, 2009)

Thanks for responding Mark. I have been on a mean rollercoaster ride of emotions for the last few weeks. 

I had to look up co-dependancy. I am letting his opinions, temper, attitude reflect my own self worth causing me to try to win his approval even stronger while at the same time my actions validate his behaviour to the point where he gains strength in my weaknesses. I seek out the dark side because it is sexy and scary but somehow inherently wrong - and while it thrills me, I still feel like I need to fix it (him). when i meet a man with apparently nothing to fix, it is an uninteresting task and I have no interest. Is that right? When you said I am seeing right through it you were referring to me essentially letting him go when he proceeded to talk about his pain and continue to disreguard the needs of his family. Perhaps i should study this a little more and channel my energy into something more positive than telling myself I am useless etc. I found this website Codependent twisted thinking, I have the right to, One Day at a Time.
Maybe I will go buy some of those books mentioned and get myself sorted out and stop worrying about him. Then maybe I can find a man who "can be tough when he has to, but does not have to be tough..." . or be more prepared for him when he comes back. I love him and miss him so much.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

alexis said:


> when i meet a man with apparently nothing to fix, it is an uninteresting task and I have no interest. Is that right? When you said I am seeing right through it you were referring to me essentially letting him go when he proceeded to talk about his pain and continue to disreguard the needs of his family.


You are nearly there, but not quite. You need to be come clear clear clear.

For instance your quote below shows you are conflicted still:


alexis said:


> But I can't forgive my self becuase I kicked him out, because he was so constantly abusive with me.


Very soon the conflict will evaporate, and you will see clearly.


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