# Wife texting, chatting with an old boyfriend



## Wantingsomehelp112 (Nov 8, 2010)

Well I guess my story is not much different than so many on this forum. It is somewhat comforting but also depressing how much of this goes on. 

Here is my story...my wife of just over a year, recently admitted to me that she was still seeing a guy she once dated about 3 years ago. It started out on Facebook, progressed to texting and then they started having coffee at during the day while she was at work (they work in close proximity downtown). She said it was nothing but once I pushed her on it, she said she did have feeling for this guy at one point but knew he did not feel the same for her. She said she felt used (sexually) by him and stopped seeing him in a sexual way a few years back (before we met). I know her texts and the coffee conversation was all about sex, she told me that and she had sent him pictures of herself in lingerie. 

She tells me it is over and it wasn't my fault. She says she just craves attention and doesn't know why she went back to talk to him. I give her lots of attention and love her very much. Now I am crushed.....I go back and forth bewtween leaing her and trying to work it out. 

I am just not sure what I should do.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

You are right..that is a very common thread on this forum. I wish I knew what to tell you. I experienced nearly the same thing and it ruined my relationship. It is up to you and how much you love her and want to be with her. Can you trust her ever again?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Wantingsomehelp112 said:


> Well I guess my story is not much different than so many on this forum. It is somewhat comforting but also depressing how much of this goes on.
> 
> Here is my story...my wife of just over a year, recently admitted to me that she was still seeing a guy she once dated about 3 years ago. It started out on Facebook, progressed to texting and then they started having coffee at during the day while she was at work (they work in close proximity downtown). She said it was nothing but once I pushed her on it, she said she did have feeling for this guy at one point but knew he did not feel the same for her. She said she felt used (sexually) by him and stopped seeing him in a sexual way a few years back (before we met). I know her texts and the coffee conversation was all about sex, she told me that and she had sent him pictures of herself in lingerie.
> 
> ...


As hurt as you may well be on her having an EA. To me leaving her is kinda an extreme. I know women like her, despite her marriage, she still has low self esteem. She attempted to seek validation from the one person who didn't want her for anymore than a c-m disposal. Let me guess, she's in her early - mid 20's. As much as women mature faster than us, there is still that "young girl mentality" in some women in their mid 20's. 

I agree she committed several Red Flags, the first ( to me) being in contact with an ex you were intimate with, especially one that did you wrong. 2nd flag is talking naughty and sending him pics of yourself.

But look at it this way... she told you. She didn't have to tell you at all. Most of these sitations aren't discovered until she's gone from a a EA - PA. Give her credit for that and hope that she's learned her lesson. To me... this isn't strong enough grounds to leave her for. You do this, and she may end up falling into that vicious cycle again because her confidence will be really shot. Don't do this if you still love her.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Trust may be hard to win back, but I'd at least give her a chance to prove herself.


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