# Suspect son is using pot



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Our eldest son is 25 later this year. He is Aspergers and cannot seem to get anywhere in life, as soon as he is going well at something he self destructs.

Earlier this year he moved back in with us so that he could study at university full time. Prior to this he was living with our second son & his wife, however they could not deal with him any longer. He was working for my MIL, but due to conflict with my SIL, he was not comfortable there. I will let him off on the work one because everyone that works there is planning on leaving due to the SIL.

When he moved in, we said no alcohol, as he has been known to drink heavily and no drugs. He always denies having done drugs in the past, but we all know that is a lie. I am strongly against illegal drugs, as is H.

Yesterday, when son came out of his room in the afternoon, his eyes were red and swollen and there was a strange smell, like a sweet tobacco smell. Now, I have never used marijuana. but that is how the smell was described to me. Our youngest son, who was visiting at the time later commented to H about this and then I mentioned it to H independently. 

H went and asked son if he was on something, of course he denied it, the kid can bald faced lie like nobody I know. He said he had bummed a smoke off someone and his eyes were red because he had not slept for 2 days. Hmmm. H only recently gave up smoking after 25 years, I think we all know the smell of tobacco!

Hopefully the fact that he knows we are suspicious will be enough to get him to stop. However, if he does not stop and we believe he is continuing to bring pot into our house, we have some difficult decisions ahead.

If we kick him to the street, he will have nowhere to go, he does not know anyone down where we live, he is not working, so would have no income to rent a place. We would basically be condemning him to living on the street and I know he would either kill himself or get in a fight and be killed. 

We did say no drugs when he moved in, so we do have to stand firm on this. Bear in mind, he is not a normal 25yo, he is intelligent, but not smart, he has a limited capacity to link actions with consequences and always has lacked this thought process.

I am stuck with where to go next, if anyone has some good advice, please chime in.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

my son as you know is on the spectrum... this is a big fear we have. He is only 13 now, but know that he can easily fall into some habitual habit. 

I am not sure what to say, but will follow along with your thread... if nothing else it may help us. 

Needless to say, I hope your son can turn things around.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Bellavista, that's a really tough situation.

I have a little guy on the spectrum so I'm just shooting ideas out, forgive me as likely they may be utterly useless....did your son voluntarily move home or is it something you had to convince him to do? If he likes living there, the only thing I can think of is to reinforce with perks when he's not doing pot. I'm thinking searching his room thoroughly for anything, then having him allow you to check him when he's home, his bag, etc. I know he's 25 and you can't control what he does out of the house, but you can say this is your home and you don't want illegal substances there, and you know these things are harmful to him. If there are perks he enjoys....movies, etc. reinforce those when he shows no evidence of pot? I know it's a headache to have to go through this policing. Would he just move out if you did this?


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

He did voluntarily move home, at the time he said a couple of months, but we knew it would probably be long term, due to his inability to cope on his own. No, he is unlikely to move out if we crack down on him, he will just go sulky. Honestly, he has the emotional age of an 8 year old.

I know he is going to visit his 6yo daughter (another story), this weekend, I think we will search his room while he is away. It is unlikely he will leave anything, however, he does seem to think we believe all of his lies so he might. I stopped believing most things he says years ago, unless I can verify them with someone else.


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