# So how much did divorce via MEDIATION cost? UK



## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Question regarding Divorce in the UK using mediation

I'm aware mediation is supposed to cost much less than divorce without mediation, but how much less?
For those of you who used mediation successfully or even not entirely successfully, how much did the divorce end up costing you? I know it would vary from mediator to mediator but a ballpark figure would be helpful. Thank you.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

I went through mediation. Much cheaper than hiring an attorney. Mind you, this is the U.S., not the UK. You fill out the paperwork, the mediator files on your behalf. You and your spouse work out all of the details. The mediator files each piece of paperwork to the court.. Financial agreement, custody... each has its own piece of paperwork, and each gets signed off by a judge. you'll get an e-mail notice when each piece is filed, and once the package is complete, the final papers are signed and you're done.

Cost was about $700, and you can be divorced as quick as you can file all the paperwork.

Lots of grid space there to screw up though, make sure you know what you are agreeing to. There are no attorneys to protect you. Read the fine print. Once you agree to something and sign it, its done. 

Typically no mediation on a divorce means contesting things is at a minimum. If you are squabbling with your spouse, things could get sticky, and then you'll want, or wish you had, an attorney. 

My advice is if you and your spouse are divorcing "nicely", and you two get along, and agree to everything... mediation is your best bet. Things can get nasty later, so make sure everything you want to part with and everything you care to keep is yours, in writing.

Good luck.


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## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Thank you very much. Even though US, the amount you mention is similar to what I think I recall quoted by our mediator. 
It's just that I wondered whether in reality, it could escalate and if it tends to escalate. In my case, my husband has made it clear that he'll only proceed "without" declaring assets, which of course makes no sense but leaves me feeling that if he's started this way, mediation might end up costing more with long drawn out "negotiations" even right from the get-go. Or that mediation is highly likely to fail and we'll go the lawyer route anyway, costing more in addition to the cost of failed mediation. He's generally unreasonable and antagonistic, which is the main reason I want a divorce so I know what I'm up against.... But I want to try and avoid excessive cost.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How does he think it will work if he doesn't declare assets? I am not sure how mediation will work unless you are both willing to be honest and reasonable.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

Your husband sounds like he wants to keep everything to himself. With no assets he is free to claim whatever he wants if it is in his name. If you know he has ten grand in a checking account in his name, you are entitled to some of that... that is an asset. If you claim no assets he is free to do what he wants with it and you can't touch it.

Sounds like he might be trying to use mediation as a way to screw you out of something you deserve... be careful. Like I said, once there are disagreements, the mediation road becomes very bumpy... and Diana7 is right, mediation won't work if someone is trying to hide an ulterior motive or not being honest or reasonable.


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## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> How does he think it will work if he doesn't declare assets? I am not sure how mediation will work unless you are both willing to be honest and reasonable.


Well, he said, "If you and I can agree that the only asset we own jointly is this house we live in, we can proceed to split it. You've not contributed a penny to anything else"

Yep. This is the level of character I've been dealing with for decades of marriage.


HarryBosch said:


> Your husband sounds like he wants to keep everything to himself. With no assets he is free to claim whatever he wants if it is in his name. If you know he has ten grand in a checking account in his name, you are entitled to some of that... that is an asset. If you claim no assets he is free to do what he wants with it and you can't touch it.
> 
> Sounds like he might be trying to use mediation as a way to screw you out of something you deserve... be careful. Like I said, once there are disagreements, the mediation road becomes very bumpy... and Diana7 is right, mediation won't work if someone is trying to hide an ulterior motive or not being honest or reasonable.


I didn't agree to what he was suggesting. I told him that agreeing who gets what is the next step after declaring the assets in the first place.
"If you want me to declare anything more than this house, then it means you want to come after my assets. DON'T COME AFTER MY ASSETS!"
The assets he's referring to, are mainly shares he's been paid as part of his income at his job. I get paid all in cash, which I've pumped into the household expenses with a little in savings and a little in investments but nowhere near as much as what's in his name.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

He wants his cake and eat it too. It's a little like "Sign the bill to see whats in it".. if you don't declare what you have before you split up what you have is ridiculous.

You both know about the shares... you tell him you're entitled to some of that in your estimation and if he balks, get an attorney, He doesn't want an attorney involved because he knows he'd be shook down.

My ex had a lot of money in stock. My ex worked her *** off and deserved every penny. I could have hired an attorney and possibly gotten half. I didn't. (That story is too long to tell) The bottom line is, quite a few attorneys will get you more than mediation, because an attorney is going to identify every income source, and go after it. That is your homework... find all the money and assets. Document all of it. Then take a good hard look at what you think you deserve.(And what you feel you will need to start over) Hold his feet to the fire... if he isn't willing to agree, get an attorney.

Also keep in mind if he has money hidden from you.. an attorney can sniff that out, because for some reason I get the funny feeling he's holding his money fairly close to his chest, suspiciously close. To me, it sounds like if he had his way, you wouldn't even know about the shares... that is shifty.

If you are at all in doubt about his financial honesty, I would seriously think about getting an attorney.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Goodbye said:


> Well, he said, "If you and I can agree that the only asset we own jointly is this house we live in, we can proceed to split it. You've not contributed a penny to anything else"
> 
> Yep. This is the level of character I've been dealing with for decades of marriage.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately it sounds as if you have to go the solicitor route because he is clearly not going to be fair. You have clearly been married for many years so its likely you will get half of everything at least I would have thought. 
I was divorced after 25 years and we split all assets 50/50.


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