# Why does my husband have to lie and be deceitful?



## mactam7 (Jan 16, 2011)

I have only been married for 6 months, I've knew my husband when we were teenagers and were reunited after 32 years...He is 20 years in the military, and we have both been married prior to this marriage.

From the beginning he has lied about insignificant things..like, he was in a relationship at the time we started talking, they had even talked of marriage...he ended it a few weeks after we began talking...I say talking because I was in another state...He told me this girl was someone he spent time with when he came home from Iraq on R&R several months before but nothing more...in all reality, she was living in his apartment. He deposited money in her account, gave her a cell phone, ect...It's not that he was involved prior to me, it is the lying that is the issue..he has also said he has investments, but has no proof of this...He said he was pulling money off the top of his CD's to pay for the wedding, and since I've never dealt with CD's I had no reason to doubt him. But the week before the wedding he said that the Manager of the credit union had taken most of his earnings and had reinvested them and he was unable to get the money to finish paying for the wedding, rings ect...My family helped with the rest of the wedding as he said there was an internal investigation going on and it shouldn't take too long for things to be settled...He said he paid an ungodly amount for the rings, cash, and that he still owed 4000 for the rings...He refuses to take me to the jewelers to see the rings, and doesn't have any paper work in the house because he doesn't keep that stuff laying around. I told him to go get the money for the rings, I didn't need a ring that cost thousands of dollars and it would take care of the money problems, he refuses... he told me when we returned to the State he lives in he would show me all the finances and the invoices from his CD's...but now the invoices are with the attorney and accountant..I asked him to have the attorney fax over a copy and he said he could handle his finances, that it is stressing me out...The only reason any of this has come up is because with all the money he makes, the bills are not getting paid...he takes out pay day loans, and overdrafts his checking account to the limit every two weeks...so he is in this vicious cycle and is redeploying in the summer...I would take over the finances at that time, but my concern is that it will be such a mess I won't be able to pay for anything...He also pays child support, and has 1500 in allotments taken out of his paychecks monthly...he also has collection notices that he just ignores...I asked him before we were married about his finances and that is when he started talking about his investments, how much money he had, that he had just sold a home, had a rental and owned 40 acres that is being rented and used as pasture land....When I write this all out, it sound so stupid...He also changed his name two years ago because of childhood issues with his father. That is a whole other story...I am 2000 miles away from home, and because of this financial issue that I recently became aware of, I have no way to get back home. Within the last month, I have only been given 200 hundred for my bills, I have been looking for work to take care of myself, but am worried because now my bills are becoming late...He has also hocked his tv's, done before I got here, and his computer, then lied about the amount of the payoff....I am trying to decide if I should wait this out until I get back home..That will be a couple of months...I can probably get a handle on the finances once he's gone, but the uncertainty of the rest of the lies, I don't know if I can live with that.


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## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

Okay...so he's lying about previous relationships and finances. If it was just one or the other it would be bad but both makes me think he is a chronic liar and possibly has a drug or gambling addiction.

I suggest you find a job. Any job. Save enough to get away from him and then cover yourself by getting a legal separation to keep from getting buried any further by his poor financial management.

Your credit will very likely be affected by this but that is repairable. It sounds to me like the relationship is not.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I'm not so sure the lying is the biggest problem here. With his finances in the shape they're in, it sounds like something bigger going on here. I'm not totally buying the story that he changed his name b/c of issues with his father. It sounds like he's trying to outrun something or someBODY, and changing his name is a start to that. Is this the only time he's changed his name? 
You really need a job. Don't be surprised when you get one if he finds a way to abscond with some of your money. This honestly has so many red flags for me.


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