# Marriage resolution?



## toddex (Dec 4, 2013)

Hey, I am in a position that I just dont know how to handle. 
I am at the end of my rope. For me there isnt a question of 'how do I save my marriage?' its over. I've told my wife this and she just ignores me. She pretends as if I have said nothing. Our problems are starting to effect our son and I notice it. I am not going to lie and try to be a martyr and tell you all that my sons feelings are the sole reason I am finished. Deep down I need a fresh start. I want to go out and fully experience life.

Let me explain: my wife has the habit of seeking pity and always retelling or half truthing things into a light where she is a victim. Passive aggression is her tool of choice in disagreements. These are the main jewels that I have really though on. Going into my relationship with her I had the love conquers all mentality but through our marriage I really see that differences add up. I also see that in a marriage it isnt just about your relationship but also your relationship with her family and vice versa. 

Ok, here is the deal, she never followed the basic rule of 'dont **** where you eat'. Her constant pity parties to her family have obviously put me in an extremely negative light. A light that I am not willing to continue in. To her family I am the worst scum in this world. They probably think I am physical with her thats how low they think of me. Her family is also just as passive agressive as her.

I am an upfront person; if I have a disgreement with you I tell you. I state my feelings while theyre happening. "I am upset because you did this." "I am sad because of this." "I am dissapointed becuase of this." I grew up in a family where personal responsibility is a huge thing. Owning your emotions is also something that is important to me and something my mother and I started after she left my abusive father.

Thats another thing: we had a rule for each other "You deal with your family and I'll deal with mine." Meaning unless we both had HUGE disagreements we would quietly apologize or excuse ourselves and let the blood relative handle it. She completely ignored this for me and insulted my mother multiple times finally culminating with her recording a dispute I had with my mother over how my mother had treated her. During this whole thing I noticed and kept telling her to leave the house with our son because he didnt need to be near any of that conflict. She ignored me and kept recording... --edit i forgot to mention after this she called the police on my mother for slapping me in the face. Its a small town, everybody was talking about it the next day.

Because of my upfront and out nature I feel like I am at a disadvantage and am easily manipulated. 

Anyway through all of this I feel like even if we repair our personal relationship we can never repair the extended. My mother is obviously insulted at an ultimate level and has forbidden me to come to her house if my wife is accompanying me. Her family I just cant stand; so fake, so full of ****.

SO thats where I am at. WHAT I WANT! I want to stay friends; on a friends level were amazing. For my son I think this would be amazing. My ultimate dream would be for the both of us to part ways as husband and wife while staying good friends and raising our son. Ultimately still providing him with a stable life and a solid discipline. None of that playing two sides. Id still like to ask him "What did your mother say?" I am even ready to continue and buy her a house for my son. I dont give a **** about child support, hes my son, of course I want to give him everything I can. --edit when i say continue I mean continue with our already set plans for a house

She wont let go. She is determined that if it ends she will make it a living pain in the ass.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hey T , sorry about your sitch.
l'm way against divorce or sep but , here l am , separated .
But there was "nothing" l could do, say or threaten to stop her , nothing. lt made no difference at the time. 12mths later now , it might l'm not sure but she's way different, nother story.
Point is and you see it here everywhere, if they're going they're usually going and l think that's the stand you have to take if this is really what you want. She thinks she can manipulate you into not going , she'll try " anything " , l'm afraid most of us did .
l'm not sure on how to deal with her so that it's still civil later when your both trying to separately look after your son , maybe others can help there.

l cab understand the extra family stuff , not sure if l could live with that either especially if she wasn't standing by me . One thought l have myself now that l'm out , if we did R , l really wouldn't be looking forward to the in law stuff again.

Good luck anyway.


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## toddex (Dec 4, 2013)

You're probably right. Its just time to go through with it and just do it. I had hoped we couldve been friends. I still love her and always will love her. You cant go through those nine months and share those experiences with someone and not hold those feelings forever. But I cant be her lover / husband anymore. I can only be a friend if she ever wants that capacity from me.


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