# Can't afford divorce



## Jersey (Aug 24, 2010)

I wrote out a long post the other day and when I went to spell check it...everything got deleted and I just didn't have it in me to do another post. So bare with me....and my spelling. 

Married 15 years. 3 kids ages 14, 10, 9. Own home, mortgage paid off in 6 years. We have $10000 in Credit Card Debt and $56000 in a home equity. (our 2 cars were paid with our home equity) I took over the bills about 7 years ago because my husband have no clue about money. He figures he makes money, he should spend it. When I took over the bills, I got us out of debt...no credit cards, no home equity. Just 1 car payment and everything was done in cash. If we had no cash, we didn't buy. 
Very slowly, we started getting credit cards and while I can't blame him in all of it, we racked them up. It got to the point that I had to take his cards away because he had NOTHING to show for what he bought. We basically live paycheck to paycheck. I do stash money in savings just Incas and turns out we had to use all that money for an emergency bathroom gut.

A little back history. Husband used to drink a lot when we were early married and in our early 20's. He recognized his problem and swore off hard alcohol. He's been able to maintain that for 15 years. No hard booze. He then started drinking beer thinking it would be better and for years it wasn't bad. But then he increased and turned into a mean drunk. Verbal abuse. 
Every morning after it was the same thing, "I'm sorry, I'll cut back, you and the kids mean everything to me...bla blabla"
And he would cut back for a week or two and then go right back to it. I always felt like a ***** because I was always telling him No, you can't drink. He would ask my permission. And I would tell him NO. Drove me nuts, I'm not his mother. 
OK, so no only was he drinking but he puts just about anything else into his body to feel better. Energy drinks, pot, beer, if it's gonna make him feel different...he will do it. It got to the point where he was taking an entire box of cough pills just to get a buzz. (pot is the only illegal he does...not that it makes it any better)
**Sidenote** I drink once a month IF THAT and the only drugs I take are my vitiams!!
Anyway, because of screwing up his mind with all this crap, he's been in and out of mental hospitals. Last one being 9 years ago. I realize that's a long time but seriously he should have been in there 10x since then. 
His diagnosis is Bipolar. He self medicates. He was only medicated for about 1 year and took himself off all meds and stopped going to the Dr. 
Knowing him so well, I can tell when a high and low is coming. Mentally I prepare for it and go along with it. Thinking about it makes me shake my head. WTH am I thinking? 
Longer story short...
Our last huge fight was about 2 months ago and he stopped drinking and went to ONE AA meeting. I got the promises and I'm sorries... He then drank again 1 month ago and promised AA but never did it. He's been sober for 1 month (so he says) 1 month ago he went through a high and a low and this one kicked my ass. It seriously broke me. I threw in the towel and told him he needs to change or we are over. I'm just not happy.

I was accused to taking everything away from him. (booze, pot, credit cards) I'm on top of him every second. Which I agree. Because of him, I've become this controlling *****. I feel if I don't have control we will lose it all like we have in the past. 

Bottom line, I don't want to be in this anymore and he can not/will not change. Last night he told me he is going away on business (which is true) and since the last time he went, he drank I asked him if he was going to drink and he said he didn't know. My heart sank. Why am I doing this?? Then he got pissed at me because I was so upset by his answer and slept on couch. 

He is away for work today and tomorrow (one night) We are all at peace while he is gone as no one is walking on eggshells. My goal today is to set up the spare bedroom and make it my own. I just don't want to be around him. I asked him to get a place closer to work and he said he isn't leaving the house or the kids. 

I can't afford divorce. I certainly can;t afford to live on my own. and I really truly don't believe he could afford the house and a place of his own with child support. He makes $65k a year and after 13 years of being a stay at home mother I finally got a job and make only $150 a week. What do I do? 
For now I will stay in the spare room


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## jeffreygropp (Jun 9, 2010)

Will he get help with perhaps Alcoholics Anonymous or treatment? If he won't stop, perhaps it is out of his control. You MAY very well mean everything to him but he might not be ABLE to stop without help.


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## Jersey (Aug 24, 2010)

Thank you for your reply. He went to ONE AA meeting and said he really liked it but never went back. He will promise and then not go to says he doesn't need it. 
I've even offerered to go with him.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Sounds to me you're more like a mother than a wife to him.


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