# Hi new to this forum but would like some advice



## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

I am 5 months into a seperation with little to no contact between us. I am tired of living my life in limbo its killing me. I am stuck and cant move on until I know my marriage is absolutely dead. Long story short I found a text that lead me to believe my husband was cheating, I bottled it up and refused to believe for a whole year there were times I felt depressed and though its no excuse eventually I got mad because I don't understand why being with me was just not good enough. I cheated I felt if I evened the score I could get out of that funk but it didnt work I felt even worse. The depression led me to confess and when I did out of anger he did to, I mean he confessed it all it hurt so bad I felt his anger was toward me for cheating but he wasnt addressing the fact that he did it 1st. Yes I was a coward for not bringing that text message to light when I found it but I thought he would just lie. I was so angry I felt there was no way to patch up what had happened between us. He left that night and all night we text back and forth I stayed awake til 5 am drinking, he tried that night to come back home I said no. That next week he tried again, in my mind it was done and beyond repair. Then there was silence. Being in the house surrounded by our memories was to much to stand and plus he was not there and I didn't want to take on the bills by myself if he was gone. So a month in I just left and moved in with my mom to figure out what I wanted to do next. I spent 2 months at my moms then found me a townhouse. it didnt hit me until my 1st night in my new place I still love him and want to fight for my marriage. Laying in that bed alone for the 1st time in 7 yrs broke me down and I spent every second of that nigt crying I wanted to call him and say please come home but I fought it we hadnt talked in months, I was to scared plus he was walking around acting as if I had tore his heart out even though I spent a year agonizing over why he cheated on me but I understand his pride was hurt. Every night for a month I cried to bed and woke with tears. 1 night still in pain I text him and asked if he wants a divorce and he said yes the text tore my heart from my chest it was unbearable. 20 minutes later he text. Its whats best for you not me and that message made me hold on to a small bit of hope that he really didn't want a divorce. We have never had the official talk about what we are going to do. While at my moms I asked him to talk and he actually came to the meeting drunk and I refused to talk to him like that I told him when hes really ready let me know and it hasnt happened in 5 months. Now I am sick and tired I can't go on like this. This is the end of the road for me I am not playing anymore. He is out of town on a family visit he returns on Wends, which happens to be his birthday. I wont ruin his birthday so I will call to say happy birthday but I am not accepting I cant anymore we need to talk my life is hanging in the balance and I wont do it am I wrong to force this conversation, I need balance and if its really over I need closure. I don't want to hang on if there is nothing to hang on to. This thing has gotten to childish he wont speak to me so I have stopped speaking to him, I dont know how we got to this place but I am tired, so tired. What would you do?


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You absolutely need to talk and you should really stop letting your ego preventing you from expressing your true feelings.

What exactly do you have to lose by telling him that you love him and you want him back? Pride can be a destructive thing and you can see how it has destroyed your marriage.

Be the better person and lay it all out on the table for him. He may not respond the way you want him to, but that's not in your control. You have to follow your heart in a marriage. He will start doing that in due time too. He might already be more interested than you are, but this wall of ego between you two needs to come down hard before anything positive happens.

Don't live like this. Your pride will not make up for the void you're feeling. Let it go. He's still your husband and has the right to know how you feel.


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## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

Thanks for your great advice my heart has been telling me the same thing fear is no longer is an obstacle we have already lost 5 months not to mention this blow up happened 2 week before our 2nd anniversary ruining it completely for us. This week I am putting it all on the table I just hope he is finally willing to talk cause I know I sure am..


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