# Looking for feedback



## PunchingBag (Apr 25, 2013)

I’ve been lurking for years and finally have a question for which I would like to solicit your feedback. 

The short story at the time:
Married 17 years together for 23
2 children (9 and 7)
WW (40) had at least an EA with our oldest child’s piano instructor (27) and it continued for 4 months past DDay. 
DDay+4 months all communication stopped and no contact has been attempted by either of them. 
One exception DDAY+1year when OM sent an email that indicated he might be suicidal.
WW called local police and asked for welfare check.
WW then forwarded email to me and told me she had called in a welfare check.
WW was very transparent and I was pleased.

Lying was rampant from the moment I confronted and I still am unsure if I have the entire truth. 
WW believes that she and OM are/were Twin Flames (look it up, not good for me) or that she was under some kind of spell/control. 
WW has made these things part of her belief system and they cannot be talked about rationally or logically. (e.g. this could not have been a crush or her own decision) 
We agreed to reconcile and went to MC. (as see puts it “I was the RIGHT decision”)
WW has reassured me many times that it will never happen again.

3 years have passed and I still have an incredibly hard time trusting her even though I see no signs of the previous behavior. I think most of my trust issues revolve around our religious differences. I consider myself to be a secular humanist and she is somewhere between Orthodox Christian and new age crystals (if you look up the Twin Flames piece you’ll see how it is difficult to reconcile with Orthodox Christianity). I have no way to accept that her belief system will not allow her to engage in the same behavior with the OM or any other man in the future. However she said that she has found a way to prevent it from happening again and being able to recognize it before any lines are crossed. Maybe through realigning chakras or changing her aura colors…I’m unsure of the details but I assume it involves some level of pseudoscience. 

My question…*can a couple with vastly different belief systems ever find enough common ground to allow for full R*?

I hoped to be further along after 3 years, not worried every time she is late or her phone gets a text.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Your uneasiness is your gut screaming at you that you are a fool for placing confidence in someone who believes the twin flame/crystal crap. 

Here at TAM we have found the "gut feeling" to be very reliable. 

I second what your gut is saying.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Hi, 

I hope it's not to late to reply, but I can understand your story. I have a few male friends who are so "anti-pseudoscience," lol, that I can only imagine it would be very difficult to live with "some" of them, but not all. 

I would think it depends on the personalities, and how you click in other areas. One friend could laugh it all off, and just go on, or another very irritated by so.. just depends on how the relationship and chemistry is over all between both , imho... 

~sammy


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think the problem you face is that you have a wife with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old girl..... I'm a woman and just reading "twin flame" made me want to puke. The fact that your wife thinks this says that she really believes this dirtbag OM is really the one she's destined for, but in the mean time she'll settle for you and try to push these thoughts away.

Frankly, you'd have a better shot at real reconciliation if you'd thrown her out and let her experience life with this twin flame (barf). Right now she behaves but fantasies about him..... not sure I could live like that.


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## shalom_82 (Nov 23, 2014)

Hi. I'm not familiar with your wife's religious beliefs but I think I relate to her in that I feel a little bit defensive in response to some of the criticism of her beliefs. It's probably because I'm an avid astrology buff and get the same type of criticism for that from time to time. Anyways, I'm guessing that you and your wife have/had a lot of wonderful things in your relationship because you've been together for so long and you both thought it was worth working through her betrayal of your trust. I'm also guessing that you don't trust that your wife actually believes some of these things. If it doesn't make sense, it must be a lie, right? That's what I say. There seems to be a lot of lies that still need to be addressed... That seems to be the bottom line. Now I related to you because my husband has been lying to me A LOT since the beginning of our relationship (just about 3 years new) and even though there is no evidence of any affairs, I still very much feel betrayed and am constantly being triggered by secretive things... he doesn't seem to be over his need to lie about things and it really bothers me. Sometimes I let it slide until I have enough "ammo" to present to him and (hopefully) convince him to come clean and other times I try to hit off at the pass to try and snap him out of it. There's just no stopping him! Ugh. I'd love for us/him to go to counseling but I can't make him go. I guess it's just one of those things that I'm choosing to live with because the alternatives just aren't as good.


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