# Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .

The girls seem out there in their expectations.
A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
Then they follow up with a so precisely and exactly just what they are looking for in their next man.
Um , alone for 5 yrs , or 10 , but I will require perfection because after all , the world is my fckg ouster in this candy store .

Does anyone else find this or have I just been into crappy sites so far ?


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## cheburg123 (Dec 10, 2012)

I did sign up with Eharmony and took lots of time answering questions and was as specific as could be. After a few weeks I had 3-5 potentials. I started emailing 2 of them. Am currently dating 1. (2 years later!)

I was happy with experience but have heard many other sites just dump everyone on a search page and you pick.

It seemed Eharmony filtered out some of the things that might be issues and only gave you a handfull of potentials.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Whitehawk,
I have done the same as you with dating sites. I use one now but I have no expectations from it. I have met some wonderful women on there but none have been long term material. I will also say that most of the women I have met have been somewhat overweight (defined as "curvy" on the site.) There are a few hotties on there but like you said you pretty much have to be Brad Pitt before they will even pay you any attention. I don't want that kind of "high maintenance" woman who probably has daddy issues anyway. 

What Satya said above is really good advice. I focus on things that interest me and if/when the time is right I will meet someone. I'm in no rush. I am enjoying the "me" time I get now with my daughters. 

Yes, UNREALISTIC expectations abound. Those women will find themselves alone for another 5-10 years waiting on Mr. Perfect who doesn't exist.


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## Malcolm38 (Dec 25, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .
> 
> The girls seem out there in their expectations.
> A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
> ...


Welcome to the world of on-line dating.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

I got drunk one night and signed up for a dummy account
on one of those popular dating sites, just to see what was out there. 

Now, this is just from a man's experience and is meant
to be light humor. Please don't take offense, as I'm sure
many other men can testify to the following set of circumstances.

I found that there were many different categories of women on this popular dating site. 

*The obvious* - these are the women that when you see their photo,
you instantly understand why they're on an online dating site.

*The derps* - these are the ones that look like they may not be playing with a full deck. 
They ramble in their bios and it reads like a bad fairytale. (_run_!)

*Crazy eyes* - these types usually think their eyes are their best
feature... but they make me wonder if they'd club me over the
head and eat my brains for dinner.

*The pucker-uppers* - these are the ones that can't avoid puckering
their lips in every god damn picture. *You're 35 - stop already!*

*The shady ones* - these are the ones that post altered photos,
whether it's cut and pasted, or photoshopped into oblivion, you
can clearly tell some manipulation has taken place.

*The hidden* - these are the ones that have extreme close-ups
of their faces in 4 out of 5 pics, then the last one is a body
shot that launches you out of your chair.

*The elderly* - these are the ones that you look at and say "No WAY are you 30."

_And finally......._


*The hot ones* - these are the ones that will never message you back
because they're already getting bombarded by every man with
a pulse on the site.


In the end, I noticed that I had never clicked the word "No"
so many times in my life.

While I know internet dating sites have been useful for some, I simply find
it to be another case of selling hope to the hopeless.

I think I'll stick to my social circles, word of mouth and
good old fashioned confidence. Eye contact and face to face
conversations have to be more effective than this internet dating garbage.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

whitehawk said:


> I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .
> 
> The girls seem out there in their expectations.
> A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
> ...


They are tools to use to your advantage, to assist you in meeting your ends. Don't read a woman's profile and decide if you are what she is looking for ... decide if she's what you are looking for and send a note.

The goal is about getting dates, not window shopping for your soul-mate. 

And believe me, women have it WAY worse than men on a dating site. Dated a woman who told me she had over 300 emails within 48 hours of joining, and guys would send her follow-up emails that they were pissed that she hadn't responded.

Online dating is not for the sheepish and thin-skinned, just like real world dating. Relax, have fun.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I've pretty much ruled out online dating. For one, it's too much damn work. Post all the stuff then you have to email, text, chat, etc, etc. Too much like my job. No thanks. 

Then there's the blind date. Yes, that's pretty much what it is. Never liked blind dates and still don't like the idea. 

It's too much like shopping for a used car. And I also don't like BEING the car! :rofl: I'm more into meeting people through my various hobbies, clubs and I go to Meetup.com to socialize and have fun.

If I meet someone in my travels and they are interested in going on a date then I'll give it a shot. So far I haven't found anyone that interests me. One guy was close but he was too flakey so I pretty much ended it. 

Helps that I really don't care about finding someone. I'm content being alone and on my own and never want to get married again. I don't even want to live with anyone again. I really feel for those who are lonely. I've heard that from so many people...

,,."Aren't you lonely?"

..."Aren't you bored?"

..."Don't you miss having someone in your life?"

No, I'm not any of those things and I don't miss having someone in my life.. So dating isn't a big priority at all.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Whitehawk:

1. Go to Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup you will meet people (men and women) to join activities with: hiking, kayaking, shooting pool, argue politics, etc. Join up...you'll meet interesting people of both sexes and you MAY find someone to date in a group where you share a common interest (or a new buddy may have a sister/neighbor, etc.).

2. Feel free to come over to the Life After Divorce boards. There's one called The New Online Dating thread...most of us there are 40+yo. Lots of company with whom to commiserate!

Edited to add: Amen, Freak on a Leash! The only thing *I* miss is the sex (and the last 10 years was pretty crappy anyway....guess I miss GREAT sex, from the OLD DAYS!)


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Deejo said:


> And believe me, women have it WAY worse than men on a dating site. Dated a woman who told me she had over 300 emails within 48 hours of joining, and guys would send her follow-up emails that they were pissed that she hadn't responded.


Yeah, if I got 300 emails from women within 48 hours of joining my life would be so terrible...........sarcasm off.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

BTW, just googled and found out that the average gender composition of a dating site is 41% women and 59% men.

They are good for women, not for men.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

This was a fun little article regarding an experiment with ten fake male and ten fake female profiles on *******:

Cupid on Trial: A 4-month Online Dating Experiment | Jon Millward - Blog

A hot girl is going to have her mailbox overflowing no matter what she says in the profile. Guys get way fewer responses in general, but looks dominate.

I've read other larger and better controlled studies that say women are most interested in 1) height and 2) money, whereas men are most interested in looks. Women lie mostly about their weight and men lie mostly about how much they make.

My brief trial with online dating proved to be much less satisactory than meeting people in person because of lying on their part. Lying about whatever it was I demonstrated an interest in.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Edited to add: Amen, Freak on a Leash! The only thing *I* miss is the sex (and the last 10 years was pretty crappy anyway....guess I miss GREAT sex, from the OLD DAYS!)


For me, sex with someone who is just a warm body is the same as doing it on my own. It might be worse because then afterwards you have to TALK to and DEAL WITH that person. I just can't do that kind of thing so for me, it's not an option. Unless I'm with someone I truly love and care about I'll go solo. I'm not sweating it about finding that "special person" though so there are compromises that need to be made. 

Please don't ask me to explain what "solo" is. Let's just say there's lots of ways to have fun on your own. I'm good at doing things on my own, from hiking and camping to..uh..yeah.  And like you, my STBXH was no great shakes when it came to having sex so my current situation is actually BETTER.

I like the Meetup groups a lot. It's a fun, noncommittal type of way of meeting people who have the same interests as you do and getting out and doing things with other people. I've met some really nice people through Meetup.

Yes, there are single/dating Meetups but most aren't that way and I like that. I just don't like the online dating thing because it's just TOO focused on "finding that person." For some, it's what they want and that's fine but it's not my thing.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Whitehawk:
> 
> 1. Go to Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup you will meet people (men and women) to join activities with: hiking, kayaking, shooting pool, argue politics, etc. Join up...you'll meet interesting people of both sexes and you MAY find someone to date in a group where you share a common interest (or a new buddy may have a sister/neighbor, etc.).
> 
> 2. Feel free to come over to the Life After Divorce boards. There's one called The New Online Dating thread...most of us there are 40+yo. Lots of company with whom to commiserate!


:iagree: :iagree::iagree: Both good recommendations. :smthumbup:


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> I got drunk one night and signed up for a dummy account
> on one of those popular dating sites, just to see what was out there.
> 
> Now, this is just from a man's experience and is meant
> ...


Now, this is just from one woman's experience and is meant
to be light humor. Please don't take offense.

I found that there were many different categories of men on a popular dating site. 

*The obvious* - these are the men that when you see their photo, you instantly understand why they're on an online dating site.

*The itemizers* - these are the ones who will not even consider a woman that doesn't meet their extremely narrow criteria for hotness no matter how average looking they are themselves. They also display a propensity to complain that there are no good women out there.

*Crazy eyes* - these types usually think they are superior and alpha, but they make me wonder if they'd club me over the
head and eat my brains for dinner.

*The bicep flexers* - these are the ones who feel the need to prove they've got biceps in every goddamned picture. *Yeah, I get it, you grew yourself a muscle. What about the one between your ears?*

*The shady ones* - these are the ones that post altered photos,whether it's cut and pasted, or photoshopped into oblivion, you can clearly tell some manipulation has taken place. They also fail to give any details about themselves, so they can pretend their emotional wall is cool and mysterious.

*The elderly* - these are the ones that will only consider a match that is half his age or less.

*The hot ones* - these are the ones that have an extremely high opinion of themselves and will expect you to drool all over them while they continue to check out other women over your shoulder should you make the mistake of going out with them.

_And finally......._


Oh, wait, is that it?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Deejo said:


> They are tools to use to your advantage, to assist you in meeting your ends. Don't read a woman's profile and decide if you are what she is looking for ... decide if she's what you are looking for and send a note.
> 
> The goal is about getting dates, not window shopping for your soul-mate.
> 
> ...


And this is it in a nutshell, sorry guys. This is why we women do not respond because it is overwhelming when you go online and are completely bombarded with contact requests.

I would set my profile to offline because the second you appear online there would be a dozen men wanting to chat right then. 

In the end I had a great time online but was able to pick and choose and no it was not always to do with the photo. I always picked guys that had some stand out unusual aspect to their profile. Sometimes it was their nationality, I met up with an Irish guy a few times simply because I like that accent. 

Then there was the instant delete list: guys with shirtless pics, pics of them fishing, pics with them with other women etc.
Or profiles that went on and on and on. Poems - instant delete. 

Anyway in the end I think it is simply the luck of the draw just like it is IRL. 

Oh and I got matched up with my ex husband on Eharmony, we still laugh about it


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Satya said:


> I avoid dating sites despite being encouraged for the last two years to join them. My ex and I met online so the internet in general is a bit of a trigger for me in a manner of speaking.
> 
> I'm not picky per se, but I do have better boundaries. I know what I will and will not tolerate in behavior. Rather than pull out a laundry list when I'm getting to know men, I just sit, absorb, watch. I try to talk little which is VERY HARD for me... lol. I like to give the benefit of the doubt.
> 
> ...



Yeah I do hear you Satya and would you believe I accidentally met my ex through a news paper - back then 18yrs , matching club too. We were both fed up with it and were both each others last try .
Really , we were our perfect match coincidentally , neither of us could believe it , I knew as soon as I saw her I'd marry her . 
16 years later though life had been going through an extremely hard patch and getting worse . It wasn't anything between us but it's toll on us caused all sorts of things over time and we broke up sadly after 18yrs .
That scene all seems much more suspicious now with all the internet stuff , people have changed a lot now too .
We were both only in it for fun back then - we just unexpectedly happened .
But most of the people in that club back then too were also much much lighter in their attitudes and stuff , much like we were . It was actually fun really.

Seems a different and really serious thing now though and about as much fun as a migraine actually.

You know though , I've always believed as you've said deep down though. Just live the life that you enjoy and do the things that you like to do and the rest should take care of itself.
So from what I've been seeing now , think I'll enjoy getting back to basics much more than the online scene.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> I got drunk one night and signed up for a dummy account
> on one of those popular dating sites, just to see what was out there.
> 
> Now, this is just from a man's experience and is meant
> ...



Oh boy , do I hear what your saying.
I did meet one so far and in her pics she was really cute. Trouble is I think they must've been 20yrs ago , should've seen her now. I honestly thought there must have been a mistake somewhere, I somehow had the wrong women .

But yeah I think I agree as I was saying to Satya . I think living your life and dealing with real life people face to face like it use to be is the way to go.
This women , hell the whole thing so far actually has left me feeling pretty damn sick to be honest .


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Deejo said:


> They are tools to use to your advantage, to assist you in meeting your ends. Don't read a woman's profile and decide if you are what she is looking for ... decide if she's what you are looking for and send a note.
> 
> The goal is about getting dates, not window shopping for your soul-mate.
> 
> ...



Ahh that's funny . Yeah just a bit of fun was the plan , think l'll invest the money into a few drinks and some pool though from here . Got a nice pub 15mins away , great crowd - real too :smthumbup:


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I've pretty much ruled out online dating. For one, it's too much damn work. Post all the stuff then you have to email, text, chat, etc, etc. Too much like my job. No thanks.
> 
> Then there's the blind date. Yes, that's pretty much what it is. Never liked blind dates and still don't like the idea.
> 
> ...



Well I love your name I know that much anyway :smthumbup:

But yeah I never thought I'd be lonely either . Actually one of the things my ex could never get use to was I needed a lot of space ! Feeling the pinch lately though . 
I definitely don't feel like anything heavy though , too soon .


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Whitehawk:
> 
> 1. Go to Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup you will meet people (men and women) to join activities with: hiking, kayaking, shooting pool, argue politics, etc. Join up...you'll meet interesting people of both sexes and you MAY find someone to date in a group where you share a common interest (or a new buddy may have a sister/neighbor, etc.).
> 
> ...



Thanks for that , will do .
ps , yep wouldn't mind some myself either right now . Think I'm missing someone around likeminded to talk to more than anything though .


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Holland said:


> And this is it in a nutshell, sorry guys. This is why we women do not respond because it is overwhelming when you go online and are completely bombarded with contact requests.
> 
> I would set my profile to offline because the second you appear online there would be a dozen men wanting to chat right then.
> 
> ...


See, you have all kinds of filters at your disposal to pick the one you fancy, knowing full well there are hundreds in his place if he doesn't do it for you.

Overwhelmed? Ha, atleast online dating almost guarantees something for your time there - your biggest complaint is that it may take hours to sift through it (or maybe you just go for the first one that looks decent and bypass the time committment?) As for guys it takes hours just to write/send enough messages decent enough to get a response. Women most certainly are the gatekeepers for online dating sites, I really don't see how you can complain about that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Dating sites are rubbish apparently, my mates recommended meetup.com as well. I'm holding off as I'm still expected to be loyal to my wife, but who knows what may happen.

Frankly though I doubt I'll get far in it, I'm very picky as a rule when it comes to relationships, much less when it comes to FWBs. I went on a few times to see what's out there during the early days of my seperation, a few hot ones were there so I made a profile and emailed them, came up with very disappointing results until I put in my income / self-employed, and removed the fact that I'm a DILF, and changed my marital status from seperated to single.

Suddenly I was getting winks and replies. :rofl:
Forget it! What a waste of money, spent a few hundred dollars for this experiment across multiple sites already, cutting my losses. Removed my profile too as I was already playing a risky game having a public profile when still with my wife - she doesn't know lol.

Strange emails really, one example asking me what I would wish for if I had 3 wishes... :scratchhead: I wasn't at all attracted to her so I replied sex sex sex, and she never wrote back lol, kept perving at my profile for the next few days though, probably to rub... lol nah 

Anyways in all my years I found the best potentials come as opportunities in RL, it just happens. Over the course of my marriage I've turned down a far number of them, but they come when they come, not when you want. Like hey, I'm seperated now, where the fk are they? Bah, but I guess they'll come.

Actively looking for it well, it seems pointless, hence I guess meetup.com is better where you can just expand your social circle and be more open to these opportunities. I'm not doing anything until my wife and I finally decide to give up our relationship however.

If I have to ask myself if I was going to be happier with or without my wife, considering the reality of my options, I'd say I would be happier with my wife. But at the same time I can't be a doormat anymore.

Btw:








:rofl:


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Lon said:


> See, you have all kinds of filters at your disposal to pick the one you fancy, knowing full well there are hundreds in his place if he doesn't do it for you.
> 
> Overwhelmed? Ha, atleast online dating almost guarantees something for your time there - your biggest complaint is that it may take hours to sift through it (or maybe you just go for the first one that looks decent and bypass the time committment?) As for guys it takes hours just to write/send enough messages decent enough to get a response. Women most certainly are the gatekeepers for online dating sites, I really don't see how you can complain about that.


I do understand what you are saying, but I don't necessarily think of them as gatekeepers. I don't think women are always happy with all of the attention they receive, which is why sites like eharmony control methods of contact. There are and can be very real dangers for women seeking men online ... I know, I dated several and got the stories. But know that there is also karmic justice in the fact that she may choose to correspond with Beau Handsome, who looks great, and sounds great, but meets him and discovers a head of cabbage has more personality.

Bottom line with online dating? Usually everyone comes in with very high expectations, and then reality invariably readjusts those expectations.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It only takes one.

I follow a method, I delete profiles I know I'm not interested in meaning I ask them not to be shown again. I've been doing this for over a month and also corresponded and talked with a couple really nice guys who did me a favor and after talking to me did not follow up, and I did not either. lol. 

They had jobs that are compartmentalized, and I think wanted to date someone who lived a similarly organized life, which I will never do. 

Finally I am corresponding with one guy who has what are probably just above average looks (which is how I also consider myself aside from my figure that loves a good dress, lol) but his smile is like a million dollars and lights up his face. 

He has a lifestyle that is very similar to mine, and similar interests and relationship needs. Along with respect for environment and being vegan. 

Also seems like he too has a life where he avoids unnecessary stress and drama, which is important to me, and is probably a bit on the quiet side as well but likes to have fun, which is how I am.

So we are going to meet up and see how it goes. 

In writing, he is a good communicator. It doesn't sound as though he is making any assumptions of me or of how we might hit it off, prior to meeting me. Other than suggesting that we have a lot of common ground. Personally, I think it is okay to be quietly enthusiastic, and to channel it according to the irl bit. 

If my language analysis serves me well, he will be a good match. There is something called mirroring in communication, and when it happens two-way that's a good sign. 

It will probably take a while to really get to know him but that's fine with me. I don't need to know everything at once, I don't need that instant click...what I do need is something I would call resonance. 

Someone who does not push any, or very few, of my buttons. 

Fortunately there are lots of ways someone can push buttons on-line. It's these things that give on-line dating a bad name. But you don't need to meet someone in person to filter out these people. 

With their photos, what they choose to include, different phrases that they choose to use in their profile, if they incessantly try to IM you, if they comment on your photo or profile in a way that just doesn't seem right, if what they talk about seems sort of flash-in-a-pan-ish...etc. They get deleted. 

I think the reality is realizing how much time you can really devote to dating, and being willing to have confidence in your choices and to invest that time into narrowing down who it is you really want to meet. Not just going out on dates and checking off that box, that you tried. There is a certain amount of experience you can get in dating...by tying the in-person results back to how the person presented themselves and communicated with you electronically...but I think after a few of those kind of dates, with different people, you can know who it is you really do want to meet. I don't date just to date. I will only date if I'm really interested in meeting the guy.

So I like on-line dating, even though the dating part is fairly sparse. But I'm also in a rural area, don't have a lot of free time that I want to invest in dating, say, vs. going to the movies... 

I have got a lot of good jobs from on-line searches, followed up by phone interviews, which were then followed up by one in-person interview. I also got my apartment and my landlord from an on-line search, and my son is at a college he's been at going on four years only saw it on-line and everyone is quite happy with these situations. 

Whereas when I have met people IRL and not had the opportunity to consider those outside of my limited perspective, I ended up selling myself short. 

On-line profiles are a tool. But the good thing is, the people who put their profiles up there really do want to date. 

Sure some of them want different flavors of dating, but you can really narrow it down and delete all those people/filter them out of ever having to see them again, and then you have got a really good customized tool for seeing what you really want to see, vs. what it is you don't want to see. 

Framing it this way does change your perspective to understanding that there are a number of different people that you can admire, while still looking for the one person you are going to let into your life as a relationship partner. 

For me, the stated desire to have a relationship is a good one, when you meet someone in real life, you don't know what their intentions might be. Maybe you are pulling them away from a relationship they're not telling you about, etc. 

You can tell a serious online dater from a player. You just have to be willing to accept the reality that you are going to want someone that nobody wanted as much as you, and that the same thing will happen in reverse. It is a kind of mentality that takes some mental ruggedness, in believing that all people have their own worth. You are not getting something cheap, and you are also not selling yourself short either. 

It's a way to connect mutually. There are entire systems set up for this for businesses....B2B trading systems...and the stock market...venture capital (which is in some ways much more intimate than a personal relationship, lol)...job seekers (those people who can make or break your business...) 

Personal relationships are much less risk. A personal relationship isn't a legally binding contract. It's probably the one thing in life that isn't that has any value. Maybe the dating schema needs to be changed, so people are more comfortable with it...like having some kind of bidding system where you have to spend paid-up points to contact someone. Then people would be more serious about it. It would be more individualized as to interest. The pervs would be less prone to abuse the system. It might add just the right level of cost to keep nets from being cast too wide and too frequently. 

I think the system of having one subscription rate is stupid, because it encourages people to be less thoughtful in their searches, and pressed by time.

Maybe something like match should be $10 a month for basic searching, and then $2 per match contacted (with unlimited communication after that) or something like that. And $1 per chat session if it's accepted. So much to have photos uploaded, so there would be fewer scenery photos...


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Btw:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes, wasn't that instructive? 

Some sites are way more biased than others, but let's take that as an example. The women exploit that to their advantage - and why shouldn't they.

If a person isn't bigoted they look internationally online. The odds are just the reverse. A middle-aged US man has to beat them off with a stick. Young, beautiful, and eager for attention. 

I traveleled a lot internationally so that is how I met my wife. But in doing the immigration we were a very small minority. Most everyone else is meeting online. 

If you are doing it online and are going to have a long distance relationship then there isn't that much difference with doing it internationally. Except for youth, beauty, and better attitude from girls outnumbering the men 10:1. 

The middle aged women in the US are immigrating young guys from what they call the MENA region - Middle East/North Africa. Isn't that shameful? Exploiting them like that. :smthumbup:


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> The middle aged women in the US are immigrating young guys from what they call the MENA region - Middle East/North Africa. Isn't that shameful? Exploiting them like that. :smthumbup:


Really? Never heard of this........:scratchhead:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> I will also say that most of the women I have met have been somewhat overweight (defined as "curvy" on the site.) There are a few hotties on there but like you said you pretty much have to be Brad Pitt before they will even pay you any attention.
> 
> Yes, UNREALISTIC expectations abound. Those women will find themselves alone for another 5-10 years waiting on Mr. Perfect who doesn't exist.


Forgive my sensitivity as a curvy woman. (Not a BBW - a curvy woman). 

So it's OK for a guy who isn't "Brad Pitt" to want a hottie but when the hot woman wants a hot guy it's not OK? Somewhat of a double standard, isn't it? 

Personally I think my expectations of an average guy (vs. hottie) are pretty reasonable.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Yes, wasn't that instructive?
> 
> Some sites are way more biased than others, but let's take that as an example. The women exploit that to their advantage - and why shouldn't they.
> 
> ...


I don't get why people would seek others online that are outside their own area, sounds too much like hard work and trouble.

My zone was set to a 15 km radius and there were still 100's to choose from. I always met up half way so no more than 15 minute drive for a coffee meet.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

whitehawk said:


> Well I love your name I know that much anyway :smthumbup:


Awesome! Do you know where the name comes from? Hint: Check out the avatar. 

I enjoyed reading that blog where the fake profiles were put up. I have to say, it didn't hold any real surprises though.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Forgive my sensitivity as a curvy woman. (Not a BBW - a curvy woman).
> 
> So it's OK for a guy who isn't "Brad Pitt" to want a hottie but when the hot woman wants a hot guy it's not OK? Somewhat of a double standard, isn't it?
> 
> Personally I think my expectations of an average guy (vs. hottie) are pretty reasonable.



The thing is , women have been *****ing about men and younger women for decades but as usual though in the end , it turns out they're no different or better themselves anyway.

With how many dozen things has that happened ?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Forgive my sensitivity as a curvy woman. (Not a BBW - a curvy woman).
> 
> So it's OK for a guy who isn't "Brad Pitt" to want a hottie but when the hot woman wants a hot guy it's not OK? Somewhat of a double standard, isn't it?
> 
> Personally I think my expectations of an average guy (vs. hottie) are pretty reasonable.


Curvy women ARE the hot ones.

Having a hardbodied woman is too much like well...you know.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Sinnister - you'd be surprised then. A large majority (90 percentile best guesstimate) list the body type they want in a mate as "slender" or "athletic". I've come across a couple "curvy" and one "a few extra pounds". Toothless bubba doesn't care but I do have standards just as they should. I'm a solid 7.5 (I think) and am looking for similar which I think is reasonable.

I don't even bother initiating contact with a man who wants slender or athletic build - I've seen too many men here complain about weight.


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## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

whitehawk said:


> I've been checking out some of the online dating sites seems as it looks like I might be single .
> 
> The girls seem out there in their expectations.
> A lot of them will actually say they've been alone for 5 years , or even 10 , they're lonely, they're sick of being alone .
> ...


There's a difference in what a woman says and what she does. You just need to know how to pick them. If she's claiming that she's been alone for 5-10 years then leave her alone. Simple as that.

If she post just face pictures, then skip it because she is not comfortable with her body. It's like any random get together/club/bar/meet up There will be good ones and bad ones, but you need to have a proper understanding in women before engaging in online dating, lest you'll be making some monumental mistakes.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

ravioli said:


> There's a difference in what a woman says and what she does. You just need to know how to pick them. If she's claiming that she's been alone for 5-10 years then leave her alone. Simple as that.
> 
> *If she post just face pictures, then skip it because she is not comfortable with her body*. It's like any random get together/club/bar/meet up There will be good ones and bad ones, but you need to have a proper understanding in women before engaging in online dating, lest you'll be making some monumental mistakes.


Maybe in some cases but this is not an absolute truth.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: Online dating , seems pretty unrealistic !*



Holland said:


> Maybe in some cases but this is not an absolute truth.


For anyone that has asked me about online dating advice, I make it clear ... You must include a body shot.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

There is no must about it, sure put a body pic if you want but it isn't a must.

Neither SO and I had body pics, I just didn't have any. His face pic was a good one, his smile is a killer, turned out he has a hot body to complete the package. I ever only had a face pic and never had any problems getting dates. I have a good body for my age, I cycle and look damn good in my clothes so that wasn't the issue, just simply didn't have any body pics available.

I refused to see online dating as a meat market, reading a brief yet interesting profile and then chatting were a much better indication of what was on offer than a body pic. 

But yeah put a body pic if you want but don't make that the point on which you judge others and whether a coffee date is the next step because you may well be missing a good match.


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## Gruff (Feb 27, 2012)

Men and women jostling for the top 10% (of attractiveness) of available mates-feels pretty ridiculous to me, 90% feeling disappointed, raging that the other sex is 'shallow'. Maybe those who don't meet the standard laundry list should just be barred from dating sites and then the 10% can just pair off and walk off hand in hand into the sunset.


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## Tulanian (Feb 23, 2013)

I think I'm too honest for these sites to work...I'm older, heavier, and broker than the target male on those sites, and I won't lie about any of that. So I'm thinking there's no point. Hell, I can be judged wanting by my imminent ex...for free!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You are of course, correct. In the scheme of things, it isn't a must.

For all of the contrasting folks do against meeting someone in real life, the simplest comparison I make is that if you meet someone in real life you see what they look like ... all of them. That is why I encourage always including a full body shot.

And yes, I take ownership of the fact that I am/was only interested in partners that fell into the slender/athletic and toned category. It's important to me. 

I had very distinct rules for online dating. Following them made the experience a bit more predictable and enjoyable.

Body shot

Send a hello email indicating your read the profile. 

Winks are ok for women, not ok for men.

Ask for the date. I didn't join a dating site looking for pen-pals.

Be fun

Be honest

Be honorable

Do no harm



Holland said:


> There is no must about it, sure put a body pic if you want but it isn't a must.
> 
> Neither SO and I had body pics, I just didn't have any. His face pic was a good one, his smile is a killer, turned out he has a hot body to complete the package. I ever only had a face pic and never had any problems getting dates. I have a good body for my age, I cycle and look damn good in my clothes so that wasn't the issue, just simply didn't have any body pics available.
> 
> ...


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## Gruff (Feb 27, 2012)

I don't meet the standards because I have had my sane certificate put through the proverbial shredder. I'm not the dangerous kind of crazy, but that doesn't matter. I've also been single for a while. Another red flag! "Woah there son, step back."
Step back indeed. 

I'm not whining, I just don't have anything better to do atm than post on here.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

I have been hit on by numerous Obese woman in a three state area. I am sorry, but I am not into BBW. I readily concede I could lose 5-10 lbs, but in no way do I need to lose 50lbs.

Then you get into these young hot women...yet the photos are from other than the USA, and the broken English is a dead give away that they are trying to scam me.

Then there are the women who want me to make $100K plus...well darlin, you are looking for a sugar daddy, and I am not him!

On the flip side, I have me a few nice women from online, had a few dates, so it was not all bad.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

I did forget to mention the Psycho woman I emailed with.....

She had no photo, and said to ask her for it. I did, and was told I could not read. In her defense, she was not interested in a man who was seperated. I did apologize, and made the mistake of suggesting she might want to mention it in the main profile as it can get lost. 

Suffice it to say, I am so happy she launched into a tirade with me. The last thing I wanted was to go out on a date with a pissed off woman. I had a funtime encouraging her to hate men even more than she already did. I can only feel sorry for the poor guy that actually went out with her. She was so hateful and abusive...but I at least got the last email in before blocking her...lol.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Deejo said:


> You are of course, correct. In the scheme of things, it isn't a must.
> 
> For all of the contrasting folks do against meeting someone in real life, the simplest comparison I make is that if you meet someone in real life you see what they look like ... all of them. That is why I encourage always including a full body shot.
> 
> ...


Yes absolutely, this is a point that many miss. FWIW from a womans POV and after discussing this with many other women this is what I would say:
For many woman it helps them when deciding on a coffee meet or not that the guy needs to be able to have a half decent chat first, this is how we filter and get an idea of who you are.
A one liner, boring chat would be a delete from me. An interesting chat, say 15 minutes or so where it is clear he has read your profile and asks you questions is good.

But there has to be a time limit. I preferred to not be asked for a coffee meet as the first line, way too off putting and I was not that desperate for coffee 
But there needs to be some interest shown by the end of that first chat or a firm date made in the second chat.

I know some just chat and chat for weeks or even longer but TBH it is a dating site, and as you say most are not looking for pen pals. 

I know plenty of couples that met online and of all ages and stages in life, it can be successful for some but needs to be done with the right mindset and with a very thick skin.



> Be fun
> 
> Be honest
> 
> ...


 Should be a pledge that people have to sign before going online, unfortunately many do the exact opposite. Just have your wits about you and the most important is to have a good sense of who you are and what you do and do not want.


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## Gruff (Feb 27, 2012)

Human female seeks man. Will be your walking circus (baby).


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Zig said:


> Really? Never heard of this........:scratchhead:


Of course not. Middle aged women importing young men from Middle East/North Africa? It doesn't fit the stereotype of women as victims. 

You have the same problem with young men from there scamming the U.S. ladies. (Green Card fraud with marriage visas.) The day after that green card arrives, you know - the guy suddenly falls out of love with her and he's got a girlfriend from back home he is bringing over now. 

If you look up sites like VisaJourney - Your US Immigration Community you can sort through the different regions and see where people are coming from and who they are marrying. It takes years to finish the process and people that are doing it stay in close communication to share information on what is happening with immigration.

I've been on various sites for over five years now working her way to citizenship, which she has applied for. If you go this route, it takes real work but if you love her the benefits are like 1,000:1. :smthumbup:


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## King Ding Dong (Feb 23, 2013)

sinnister said:


> Curvy women ARE the hot ones.
> 
> Having a hardbodied woman is too much like well...you know.
> 
> Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Absolutely. Mrs. Dong has the hourglass figure, wouldn't have it any other way. If a woman chooses tofu over a snack cake, well she just isn't fun to be around.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Middle-East men? They have a rather bad reputation at present, and depending on the country, on one hand they can be very sophisticated, hard-working gentlemen, or on the other the young folks have formed gangs and took over a few streets dealing drugs and beating up anyone who gets in their way or deflowering their women.

So I find that interesting, maybe my mates should be moving to the U.S. because they have a problem with some ignorant Aussies that if they are Muslim they must be disrespectful to women :scratchhead:


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Middle-East men? They have a rather bad reputation at present, and depending on the country, on one hand they can be very sophisticated, hard-working gentlemen, or on the other the young folks have formed gangs and took over a few streets dealing drugs and beating up anyone who gets in their way or deflowering their women.
> 
> So I find that interesting, maybe my mates should be moving to the U.S. because they have a problem with some ignorant Aussies that if they are Muslim they must be disrespectful to women :scratchhead:


I can't make any sense out of this. 

Generally U.S. women are not immigrating young gangsters from abroad for marriage. They tend to sort out the misogynists too.


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