# I wrote a letter, why am I nervous?



## mattyjman (Jun 6, 2012)

So, long story short, after years of disrespect, deprioritization, and failed attempts by myself to rectify the situation, I finally had enough and kicked her out at the end of August. 

In talking with my therapist, we discussed some of the challenges that my wife is facing, and he suggested that talking to her about them, and seeing if she is interested in working on them is important to her. If so, then continued contact/dates would be helpful for her to work on these things. Now we have a lot of issues, but they boil down to her lack of communication ability, emotional intelligence, and her deep emotional connection to her parents still. I myself am trying to deal with my co-dependancy traits, and nice guy issues. 

At the beginning of this separation, she asked me for a letter to detail the things that I'm looking for from her/the relationship. Since the time we've split, i've had lots of time to think about this stuff... I wrote her an 8 page letter detailing all of this stuff. 

I was quite surprised of the stuff I was writing... namely because it was so blunt, but indifferent at the same time. I've definitely grown during this period of separation, and I'm pretty clear on what I want from a relationship. Either she provides it or she doesn't... One way or the other I move on. The other benefit to this is now I can wash my hands of this... Now she knows exactly what I'm talking about, and there is no way she can say that she didn't know. 

But I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect, and I don't understand why I care so much. I don't want to throw away my 7 year relationship, but I know what I need and what I'm not okay with. 

I think it's because I've communicated this to her, and i'm normally trying to please her. This is a big departure for me, and I hope she doesn't see this as indifference. But at the same time I do. Interesting place I'm in. 

One thing is for sure, I'm buying a motorcycle this weekend. I'm making myself happy


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

I'd like to shake your therapist...

Maybe he gets an ego-stroke by putting couples back together regardless of whether that's actually in anybody's best interest.

What am I saying?

Of course he does. And it's good for business/references.

Anyway...I like the way you wrote this post...I hope (purely for your sake/happiness) that you're serious about getting what you want out of the relationship or walking

I really don't get why people beat dead horses for years on end...

Fear of being alone I imagine


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