# need some advise or answer.



## whynotenough (Apr 18, 2011)

Hello everyone.

fist, I am sorry for my english since I am from other country I may have some grammar/spell error while I write this.

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little about me - I am 22years old half japanese and half Korean. 5'5 tall, weight 115lbs and married 2years ago with my husband (white) and have a kid who is almost 2years old.

I like to take care of myself and want to be look better everytime I go out with him. I do not want him to be embrass by me or people to underestimate him because I may look not good enough.
also I behave very well always never be rude to anyone and trying to be nicer to anyone I met always..

I spend a lot of time working out and beauty stuff as I also work , take care of kid and dog, do house chores..

It seems like its never enough for my husband..he never say anything nice to me..never say I am pretty or so.. if I wear make up and do my hair before I go..he would yell at me for doing it and questioning me that why do I care when I go out..It hurts me everytime..I only tried to be look better for him and want him to tell me I look even ok.. but he never does and he always make me cry by being so mean and ignore all the effort i put on myself..

I bought him lots of present (mac, tv, whatever he wants) but he seems like doesnt care about any when he gets upset.
every little thing happen he gets so pissed off and started blame on me.. example: I feed our dog even before he goes to bed I give him full bowl of food because I dont want him to be hungry..if he spills the bowl over night..its my fault because I gave him food........if he chew the bowl its my fault because I didnt give him enough food... 

just little things like this drive me insane and mostly hurts me so bad...worst part is I found myself getting used to this routine..

I get blamed for everything and he always yells that house is dirty then I ask him why dont you help I work and make money too. he said go pay your fu** house rent..well I dont know what to say.. I started to stop talk to him or being around him. I stay in other room when hes in living room because I just do not want to be around sometimes then he gets upset becasue I am not be around him..

is there something I am doing wrong? is that because I do not speak perfect english or I am not white?

I have no friends because he does not like me going out with anyone..I used to be surround by people..I do not have anyone to talk to or speak how things are...

sorry it got too long..but may anyone could help me?

Thank you for your time.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What you are describing, unfortunately, is an abusive relationship. Do you have trouble reading English books? (Your English is VERY good, by the way!) If not, go to the library and get some books by Patricia Evans in the psychology/self help department. You will probably recognize your husband in her descriptions of abusive men.

If this is the case, he will NEVER get better. Ok, he has about a 3% chance of getting better. But that will never happen while you continue to accept the poor treatment. 

You can also go to United Way and find your local office and call them for help. Good luck!


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Whynotenough,

There are many people on the planet who do not speak perfect English , and are not white. That's usually not a barrier to happiness. Don't let it get in your way.

Seriously, from your post, it's hard to get the full picture, but it sounds like you are trying to do what you feel is right for you in your relationship. I sounds like your husband is abusive, or at least offensive. I questioned whether he hits you or is otherwise physical while I was reading your post.
You should try to talk to him, perhaps with the help of a marriage counselor. If he's not willing to go, I'd suggest seeing an individual counselor on your own to get some help with this. It doesn't sound like you are very happy with where your life is. You may decide to make some changes to find your happiness.


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