# List of What BS go through



## kennethk (Feb 18, 2014)

I can't find it. Its been posted many times.
Want to give it to a friend whose spouse cheated on them.

Thanks for the help

Happy Holidays to all!!!!!
:smthumbup:


----------



## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Go into the search block and type in newbies, you should get to a thread authored by someone named Almostrecovered.


----------



## kennethk (Feb 18, 2014)

Thanks - got it!


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Give them the TAM URL...


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Not sure about this specific list, but I can tell you what I went through, stages that is, and in order:

Hurt/pain

Humiliation

Desperation

Numbness

Anger

Divorce


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

kennethk said:


> List of What BS go through


A substantial amount of:

Devil's Cut
Makers Mark
Templeton Rye
Knob Creek


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Amplexor said:


> A substantial amount of:
> 
> Devil's Cut
> Makers Mark
> ...


Wow, you and I could be brothers. All except the Templeton Rye, never had it.

But the other 3 are my favorite bourbon's


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

vellocet said:


> Not sure about this specific list, but I can tell you what I went through, stages that is, and in order:
> 
> Hurt/pain
> 
> ...




I agree with above but would add after the divorce regret. A whole hell of a lot of regret.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I agree with above but would add after the divorce regret. A whole hell of a lot of regret.


Divorce regret as in regretting getting divorced? Not for me.

Or do you mean adding to the list divorce, then regret you ever married her in the first place? If so, then agreed.


----------



## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Everyone forget the common one?

Bullsh1t!!!!


----------



## S&W500 (Dec 2, 2014)

I went through a lot of over-analysis, and self-introspection.

I guess because I can compatmentalize, I thought _"well, everyone is capable of having their head turned - why not my wife"?_


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

S&W500 said:


> I went through a lot of over-analysis, and self-introspection.
> 
> I guess because I can compatmentalize, I thought _"well, everyone is capable of having their head turned - why not my wife"?_


Don't forget rationalisation, then.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

vellocet said:


> Divorce regret as in regretting getting divorced? Not for me.
> 
> Or do you mean adding to the list divorce, then regret you ever married her in the first place? If so, then agreed.


Yes I regret I picked her for my wife and mother of my children. Regret that I wasted years of my life and gave up my dream on a bad pick. That is the regret. Divorce was the only option so no regret on that


----------



## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

i will post this again
All WSs and BSs should read this...this all is very true
it's the little triggers, little stabs that will be there even 5 years from now, or 10, or 20. 

It's the disbelief BS feels and will always feel, never quite understanding how WS could have done that. 
But WS did.

WS may have said over and over that they have told the full truth and BS might have decided to believe them. But BS always knows that WS has told them as much truth as WS thought was necessary, not the 100% truth that BS thought was necessary. WS will NEVER reveal what they were really thinking at the time. BS will be left with nagging doubts FOREVER, powerless to do anything about it because BS wasn't there or wasn't inside WS's head.
That is the hardest thing to live with. 

EA or PA. A month or a year. Sex once or a hundred times. One lie or fifty. It doesn't matter. All the damage was done in the moment that WS took that step. It destroyed what was, and what will never be the same again no matter what WS does. 
That time is gone. 

BS thought WS was someone they could trust with their life, their best friend in the world, their confidant, someone who would always stand by them. 
That's what BS thought, and BS was wrong, so wrong. 

BS sometimes remembers what it was like when there wasn't that little cloud overhead. 
And feels a pang as they think of when the sky was blue.

BS would have never chosen this for themselves. Yet somehow they found themselves in it. 

Now it's Plan B. And it will always be Plan B. 

R is the Plan B version of marriage. 

It might be a strange thing to say, but so grievous is the wound of betrayal that had WS died, the pain would be easier. The sadness would be a different kind of sadness. 
A more tolerable kind of sadness.


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Shock

Disbelief

Anger

Divorce

Peace

If it had not gone on for years I may have been able to somewhat forgive but I know I can never find it in me to forgive that much. He put me through hell for years treating me terrible, making me a bad-guy as to justify his behavior. Just evil in my book.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In addition to all of the others, I might also add the following:


(1) Severe lack of sleep

(2) Destruction of former healthy sleep patterns

(3) Alienation from loving inlaws

(4) Emotional holiday triggers


----------



## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

vellocet said:


> Not sure about this specific list, but I can tell you what I went through, stages that is, and in order:
> 
> Hurt/pain
> 
> ...



I would add:
Disgust
Fear
Regret
Excitement
Renewal
Gratitude
Wonder
Freedom
Pride



Hardest thing I have ever dealt with, but for me, the upside has been huge.


----------

