# Please read! Your response respected



## Little (Dec 15, 2011)

Pardon my errors.
My wife and I are fighting almost daily for things that could be resolved easily. I have developed trust issues and insecurity towards my wife, because she was contacting her ex shortly after we got married. Her ex came over from Chicago to Texas to visit her. She told me to give her the chance to end up everything with her ex. I did as she asked. But when he left, I asked her does it mean no more communication and everything about him is over? She said yes. I went further to ask her so what happen at the hotel or how did you resolve the issue? She said not the just talked hugged and she left. But I couldn’t believe that because she was acting strange and she still text him or he calls her. After months of uncertainty I decided to bug her phone. I discovered she had sex with him when he came to Texas and she was texting him she loved and missed him. At this point I was confessed, full with anger and hate for both parties involved. I confronted her and proofed to her what she did. She started crying and begging me. I forgive her. After this incident I could hardly believe she anything she said but I work hard to deal with my insecurity. Weeks after these she text him and told him she loved missed him, I found out because her phone was bug. Now we are fighting because I have been trying to deal with this issue and it makes me act very unreasonable, nevertheless it developed anger in me. We fight this morning for unnecessary misunderstanding and she just told me she needs space to think. I love her and she said she loves me but still have feeling for her ex too. I have a lot to loss here. Could I win her over her ex? I believe I could make it work, but how do I go about it?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't know. She crossed the line. I'm very sorry.

I would never of okay'd the meeting of ex ever. You allowed her to cheat. I know you love her, but you need to set boundaries. No contact with any exes should be one of them. My hubby and I actually have an agreement no casual contact of the opposite sex. I hope someone here can help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

You are feeling a lack of trust and insecure because your wife is CHEATING on you....still. Infidelity takes a long time (at least several years) to get over. Your wife continues to lie to you! Of course you are going to be angry and not trust her.

Why do you want to be with someone who still is cheating on you??


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

I am removing my comment here.

My appologies for being insensitive?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Little, your anger is exceptionally natural. But you really do need to be very wise and clever about what you do with it as it is an exceptionally dangerous emotion for both you and your wife. When you feel your anger rising get out of the house and walk until you’ve calmed yourself. In no way interact with your wife while you are angry because she is very likely to make you even angrier. So walk away and dissipate your anger. 

You have been massively betrayed and through that betrayal you have been emotionally traumatised. It will take you a very very long time to heal. It may well be two or five years before you get over it.

Do not be so ready to forgive her. You can see what’s happened when you did. Forgiveness without boundaries, consequences, just gets you the same again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Little, how long have you been married?

Is her ex married or in a relationship with someone else?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Post this over in the coping with infidelity forum.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

> My wife and I are fighting almost daily for things that could be resolved easily. I have developed trust issues and insecurity towards my wife, because she was contacting her ex shortly after we got married.


I am not surprised you developed trust issues..



> Her ex came over from Chicago to Texas to visit her. She told me to give her the chance to end up everything with her ex.


By definition an ex has already ended everything



> I did as she asked. But when he left, I asked her does it mean no more communication and everything about him is over? She said yes. I went further to ask her so what happen at the hotel or how did you resolve the issue? She said not the just talked hugged and she left. But I couldn’t believe that because she was acting strange and she still text him or he calls her. After months of uncertainty I decided to bug her phone. I discovered she had sex with him when he came to Texas and she was texting him she loved and missed him


.

So she met and had sex, then lied to you for several months..



> At this point I was confessed, full with anger and hate for both parties involved. I confronted her and proofed to her what she did. She started crying and begging me. I forgive her. After this incident I could hardly believe she anything she said but I work hard to deal with my insecurity.


Completely Normal



> Weeks after these she text him and told him she loved missed him, I found out because her phone was bug.


So it continued despite you calling her on it. You forgave too easily!



> Now we are fighting because I have been trying to deal with this issue and it makes me act very unreasonable, nevertheless it developed anger in me.


You are not being unreasonable!!



> We fight this morning for unnecessary misunderstanding and she just told me* she needs space to think.*


She needs you to give her space to have the affair. 



> I love her and she said she loves me but still have feeling for her ex too. I have a lot to loss here. Could I win her over her ex? I believe I could make it work, but how do I go about it.


No. You can not do this. You can not win her because you have already lost her


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You have trust issues because she is lying to you, cheating on you, and lying to you some more.

Divorce her already, she is determine pd to cheat with this ex, and you are wasting your time. You shoud never have agreed to letting them meetup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

It seems you have to share her. If you dont know yourself what to do then it seems to me you can live with that. Some people can. I must say straight away that I dont believe in sharing a wife or a husband. But on the other hand if you think you can live with that I am not sure. Does one really have to divorce?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Little said:


> *Pardon my errors.*
> My wife and I are fighting almost daily for things that could be resolved easily. *I have developed trust issues and insecurity towards my wife*, because she was contacting her ex shortly after we got married. Her ex came over from Chicago to Texas to visit her. She told me to give her the chance to end up everything with her ex. I did as she asked. But when he left, I asked her does it mean no more communication and everything about him is over? She said yes. I went further to ask her so what happen at the hotel or how did you resolve the issue? She said not the just talked hugged and she left. But I couldn’t believe that because she was acting strange and she still text him or he calls her. After months of uncertainty I decided to bug her phone. I discovered she had sex with him when he came to Texas and she was texting him she loved and missed him. At this point I was confessed, full with anger and hate for both parties involved. I confronted her and proofed to her what she did. She started crying and begging me. I forgive her. After this incident I could hardly believe she anything she said but I work hard to deal with my insecurity. Weeks after these she text him and told him she loved missed him, I found out because her phone was bug. Now we are fighting because I have been trying to deal with this issue and it makes me act very unreasonable, nevertheless it developed anger in me. We fight this morning for unnecessary misunderstanding and she just told me she needs space to think. I love her and she said she loves me but still have feeling for her ex too. I have a lot to loss here. Could I win her over her ex? I believe I could make it work, but how do I go about it?



Well, yeah. You made a serious error. You gave your wife your permission to see her ex and fu(ked him.

And that's what she did. Most likely, deep inside her she lost respect for you when you did not step up and enforce an unspoken boundary (do not commit adultery).

She appears to have left her marriage with you.

The question it seems is: you love someone who has no respect for the marriage and you, right?


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