# Separated and a bit lost...



## turquoise sparkle (Dec 30, 2011)

Hi everyone, 

Just wanted to add my own experience here and would be grateful of any advice or thoughts you have.
I married my spouse almost 2 years ago - prior to which we had dated for nearly 2 years. 
We met whilst my spouse was working overseas for several years, near my hometown. Then when their work returned to their home country, we had a long distance marriage for 18 months. We eventually managed to acquire a visa for myself and teenage son to join my partner. So I gave up my job and we relocated overseas.
The time spent long distance was especially hard for me - I missed my partner greatly and seeing each other every few months was never enough, especially as newlyweds. I think during this time we both became depressed, especially as a same sex couple getting a visa was not straightforward. I think my unhappiness made my partner feel like nothing they did was good enough and this led to their depression. They have a history of depression also.
So we all moved in and things were bumpy adjusting to this new life. I am unable to work in the new country due to visa restrictions, and so money has been tight. Although my partner earns a good salary and has a stressful high pressure job.She has been taking depression medication for about a year and has withdrawn; emotionally and physically. This became more obvious when we were living together. 
We have had conflicts over our parenting styles and adjustments all round. Also I have hated being financially dependent, but trusted that because we are 'married'/ civil partners it would be ok. 
But she has now had a change of heart and feels she is on the verge of an emotional breakdown and feels suicidal. She also went back on a previous agreement we had made to put the house we/she had bought in joint name or to allow me to contribute to it at all from my savings. I feel as if I have turned my life upside down, moved countries and given up a good job in order to allow her to support her career. She has now forced me and my son to leave the house, and withdrawn all financial support. 
She now says she feels I never loved her and as our civil partnership is not recognised here does not have any obligation and is as if we were never married.
I can see she is at an all time low emotionally, and just want to do the right thing. 
A huge part of me is livid she has done this, but another is so sad she is so low and behaving in such a way.
I have loved every part of this woman with my whole soul and for her to think I never loved her, to me, demonstrates how lost and low emotionally she is.
I am currently staying with a relative since we left a month ago, and trying to find work and a place to live back in my home country. We are not having any contact apart from few emails just after I left, in which she blames me for everything going wrong.
I would do anything to make this marriage work, but feel that right now for the sake of the stability of myself and my son need to look after number one.


You live and learn I guess.


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## AnewBeginning (Dec 27, 2011)

I'm sorry you are going through this- but it sounds like her depression is playing a big role in her actions. Have you guys thought about going to counseling together? If you can't afford it there are people and churches who will do it for free.


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