# Second place to brother-in-law



## LERA

I'm struggling with always coming in second place and being an afterthought to my husband. I could beg him for quality time and to go and spend time together and I get zilch. But my brother-in-law comes by our house unexpectedly and gets taken out by my husband and I get left in the dust. Out of 30 days he was here 25 days without even letting us know he was dropping by. He literally comes whenever and I'm always in the backburner. I've tried explaining the situation to my husband but all that happened was being told I'm selfish for making him choose which I didn't ask him to. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do.


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## jlg07

So this is HIS brother?
I think he doesn't realize maybe HOW much time he spends.
TRACK this activity for a month - when he comes, what they do and for how long -- and his activity with YOU.
Then SHOW him.

If he still blows you off, not much you CAN do other than look for either other things to do/live your own life, or see a lawyer.


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## cc48kel

This is why I didn't want to live in the same town as in-laws!! They were all looking for houses (for us to buy).. But there was no way I wanted them dropping by all the time..


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## theloveofmylife

Do you get along with the BiL? Do you ever ask if you can come along?


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## FlaviusMaximus

I come from a large Irish family and have no shortage of siblings but they would never stop by without calling, never. When my parents retired, they looked into a town near us and my mother actually called and asked if that would be ok with us? It was fine with us as we know they'd never interfere with our marriage (eventually they opted for another town).

People need to know their boundaries. Neither your husband or his brother seem to know what that means. In a situation like yours, I'd suggest you put your foot down so that everyone hears it. That means bring it up loudly in front of both of them. You're married and your husband's priority is you, period. It's strange that he takes his brother out and leaves you, really, that isn't normal. 

You don't marry the family, you marry your spouse. If the family won't leave you alone, make them...


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## Al_Bundy

So was it always like this? I mean it's his brother so it's not like it's a new person in his life. Did you see any signs before you said I do? Not saying it's your fault, but in his mind he might just be doing what he's always done.

It is weird to stop by someone's house unannounced though.


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## Luckylucky

How far away does he live and how often do they get to see eachother?


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