# Husband moving out this week



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

We had originally agreed back in June (when he dropped the D bomb) that he would stay here until our daughter was off to college at the end of August. As much as I dread him leaving (he'll be moving in with his mother just 5 houses down) I think it will be for the best. I dread the loneliness that will ensue once he's gone. I still have one child at home (a 15 year old), but he's busy with his friends and isn't around alot. In our state you have to be separated for 12 months before a divorce can be granted. I am so sad that all of this is happening. I never thought I'd be a part of the divorced population after almost 23 years of marriage (on Saturday coming up). Does the sadness and depression ever let up? We have yet to even work out financial and property division. He says he wants nothing but a few trivial things, doesn't want the house or any of the equity in it, just basically wants out of the marriage. Because neither of us can afford to live separately in terms of money we will keep our money together and I will notify him as I pay bills so that we both know where we stand with the money in the bank. He'll most likely live at his moms for free. I don't see how this is going to work.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

So sad to hear because I was married for 33+ years and got divorced in Feb of this year. Things change and people change and that's what happened between ex-wife and I.

The colloquialism "It ain't over until the fat lady sings" fits your situation since you say that in your state, you don't divorce until you've been separated for a year.

A lot can happen within that year. He can decide later on that it's really not what he wants. Sometimes people get the itch thinking that it may be greener on the other side. More often than not, it's NOT what they think it would be and they would have been better off staying where they were.

I wouldn't give up just yet. Do the separation, but do your best to avoid contact for a couple of months. Make him think that you're OK with the separation and that this break will be good for the two of you. ... and it will!

It will give each time to reflect on everything that went wrong, do some soul searching and see where each of you contributed to this mess.

Do Not make it easy for him to come and see you ANYTIME he wants. Make him think that "HE WANTED" this and that you're just complying, but you're also not going to sit around and mope and act like a distressed needy person.

If he wants to get together AFTER a couple of months and discuss the possibility of reconciling then be amiable to it. But if he just wants to keep hanging around, making your life even more miserable, then you're not in favor of it.

Yes, the pain eases and it get more tolerable as time passes. But, NOT if you remain in contact.

You need to be away from him for a while, and there will come a time when seeing him won't be as painful. But it will take time.

In regards to property division, you have almost a year to think about that. Don't rush it.

Living with his mom? That won't last long!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Go advice Kauaiguy. Sorry to read you are going through this pain. It does get better, but you have to work with it. Don't settle into depression and despair. Don't hang around the house. Don't go back and forth with your H, let his decision simmer and who knows...


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