# Does the OW/OM ever care that the person they're having an affair with is married?



## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

I think not.

What say you knowledgeable people?


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Having an affair is an extremely selfish act...fueled by taking cues from how good the affair feels, plus probably how the married cheater is saying that they will leave their spouse soon. If they do care...it's probably not caring enough to stop.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I know that the OMen that my XW was seeing didn't give a tinkers damn that she was married. One was divorced and had known her from many years earlier, when he was her deceased XH's co-worker and best friend. Her other tryst was with a married ex-high school BF of hers who had turned into a medical practitioner who had 5 kids.

Of course, while she had these out-of-town trysts going on, I was totally oblivious to any it, staying under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed with her, as if nothing had ever happened at all.

Didn't find out about any of it until nearly a year after our "trial separation!"*


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

It just occurred to me that by saying to a friend who is the OW/OM "How would you feel if you were their wife or husband"? as a tactic to discourage them does not work, because they don't care.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Daisy10 said:


> It just occurred to me that by saying to a friend who is the OW/OM "How would you feel if you were their wife or husband"? as a tactic to discourage them does not work, because they don't care.


You haven't been here long enough to see some of the posts by AP's or sometimes WS's discussing their philosophy. Many times the attitude is that the AP made no commitment to the BS, thus the AP has no culpability in the affair. In other words, if a married person makes their body available for sex, it is fair game to take the sex.

And, for some APs it is a distinct strategy to target married people. Some men see it as a higher level of conquest to take another man's woman. It is even more satisfying to their ego if the BH never even knows about it. Probably some women have this attitude too, but I think it is more common among men. Some men target married women because they know it will be a no-strings-attached sex fest.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> It just occurred to me that by saying to a friend who is the OW/OM "How would you feel if you were their wife or husband"? as a tactic to discourage them does not work, because they don't care.


You're absolutely right...if they have been lying to themselves and everyone up to the point of getting caught or getting confronted...they sure as heck aren't going to stop the lies. I have tried the "gentleman" route and tried to appeal to the OM sense of honor...and they will be in agreement verbally, but have no intention to stop trying to steal your spouse...and your spouse is not exactly being resistant either.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Answer: No

According to my WW I was affectionately referred to as "hubby" by the POSOM. My WW referred to his SO as "the GF". "We" were rarely talked about except to inquire about our locations during sexting, I.E. "where's hubby" or "where's the GF". Other than that we weren't talked about much (or thought about much for that matter). That's her story and I believe it.

"Hubby"? Makes me want to throw up.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

HarryDoyle said:


> Answer: No
> 
> According to my WW I was affectionately referred to as "hubby" by the POSOM. My WW referred to his SO as "the GF". "We" were rarely talked about except to inquire about our locations during sexting, I.E. "where's hubby" or "where's the GF". Other than that we weren't talked about much (or thought about much for that matter). That's her story and I believe it.
> 
> *"Hubby"? Makes me want to throw up.*


*Harry! I'm right in lockstep with you! Absolutely disgusting!*


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

"Does the OW/OM ever care that the person they're having an affair with is married?"

Of course not. If they cared they wouldn't be doing it. To tell the honest truth, some dogs target married women (and visa versa) . I personally don't know any of these types but they are out there. At least that's what I'm hearing.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

To some degree "society" gives the AP a free pass by assuming that he/she did not that their affair partner was married, and, therefore, inculpable.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

When I was but a young lad, only concerned with my life and being an all around selfish, womanizing, tool d-bag I was the OM many times. A lot. I'll answer the question very honestly. 

No. They do not care if their bang buddy is married. In fact, there was a few months where I only wanted to plow married women. I just had an "urge" to do it. I was a real piece of work in my early twenties. 

I look back at those years and I'm in awe that I made it to 30. Let alone became a responsible law abiding citizen and decent father. I should probably be dead or in jail. But I guess I just got lucky. 

To bad my luck didn't pan out in my marriage eh? 

Affair partners don't care about anyone or anything but there d!cks or pvssies, and how to make them feel good.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

OM who got my wife has a bit of a 'reputation' for it.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

In my case from 2010 till 2013 my wife only wanted married men. She was not planning on leaving the marriage. She did talk to the XOM several times about them leaving their families and he stated that he would not. In a way it was just plain cake eating.


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## artlady (Jul 17, 2011)

Nope, not at all. My H's OW was only concerned with how much of his money she could get and how much of MY role she could take over. She was his first high school GF, and had built up in her head that he'd been pining away for her all those years, so she felt she was entitled to everything because she was with him "first".

He wasn't her first married man. She never cared; for her, it was all about self-satisfaction and living in the moment, and she didn't care how many lives she ruined (or tried to).


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

Haha, NO. These people are as selfish as it gets. The only time they care is if the marriage ends up personally affecting them in a way they don't like. For example, my H's OW knew he was married from the beginning and assured him she was just looking for "fun." Then she fell "in love" and started to become angry that he couldn't spend the night, couldn't go out in public, etc. She even yelled at him once, "I deserve a normal boyfriend I can introduce to my family, who will take me out on dates, etc." Well then skank, maybe you shouldn't have gone after a man that was already taken. Ugh. She would constantly pressure him about leaving me, telling him I didn't deserve him, he wouldn't be there with her if I was taking care of him, that she would spend the rest of her life making him happy every single day. Blah blah BS blah blah. And then when I found out and the affair got blown up, she was shocked he didn't choose her (she was initially happy I found out - "good, now you can finally get rid of her" was her response).

Basically these people tell themselves the BS deserves it, that they are so much better than the BS etc. And they think they are so special that no one would ever cheat on them.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

OM target Married women. Safer on all fronts. Less chance of STD. Don't have to worry she will go nutsy on him, because she is married and doesn't want to give that up. Easier too.... they don't have to do the dating thing because She can't be seen with him. No need to buy her things... were she going to wear them or put them. Dinners out? Nope, can't be seen around town. Cards or flowers? No way. 

So let's just recount what they have to do to get wild No-Tell Motel-Sex with your wife...

Email or FB cheap lies and high school "I love you", get a cheap close by motel room and bang your wife all day long while you are at work trying to hang on to your home???


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

But one needs to be careful. Just becasue an affair partner is married does not mean that he / she is "safe."

Read this: Sol Wachtler - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

I think too many BS's get fixated more on the role of the AP ruining their marriage than the WS. That somehow if this particular AP never met your WS that your life would not be in ruins right now. Is the AP a POS? Of course but so are millions of other people and the truth is if it wasn't this person it would of been someone else eventually. I don't believe affairs happen by "accident". In most cases the spouse was broadcasting f*** me vibes for quite sometime and it was only a matter of time before the opportunity presented itself. So while it is unfortunate that there are scumbags who sleep with people's spouses accept the fact that they will always be out there. You should be far more upset at your WS who did it with enthusiasm and without any thought about you. That's the real evil.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

RWB said:


> OM target Married women. Safer on all fronts. Less chance of STD. Don't have to worry she will go nutsy on him, because she is married and doesn't want to give that up. Easier too.... they don't have to do the dating thing because She can't be seen with him. No need to buy her things... were she going to wear them or put them. Dinners out? Nope, can't be seen around town. Cards or flowers? No way.
> 
> So let's just recount what they have to do to get wild No-Tell Motel-Sex with your wife...
> 
> Email or FB cheap lies and high school "I love you", get a cheap close by motel room and bang your wife all day long while you are at work trying to hang on to your home???


Not quite that with my wife and OM.
They would go out on sporadic 'dates' at first...or he'd take her out on his motorbike...and she woud spend time at his house...but gradually that sh!t dwindled to less and less.

Then, of course, 7 months in, enter the OM#2 and her 'head turned' yet again. :rofl:


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> I think too many BS's get fixated more on the role of the AP ruining their marriage than the WS. That somehow if this particular AP never met your WS that your life would not be in ruins right now. Is the AP a POS? Of course but so are millions of other people and the truth is if it wasn't this person it would of been someone else eventually. I don't believe affairs happen by "accident". In most cases the spouse was broadcasting f*** me vibes for quite sometime and it was only a matter of time before the opportunity presented itself. So while it is unfortunate that there are scumbags who sleep with people's spouses accept the fact that they will always be out there. You should be far more upset at your WS who did it with enthusiasm and without any thought about you. That's the real evil.


Absolutely, 100% crack-on with this post.
I spent weeks and months obsessing about my wife's OM being the sole reason for my separation until I started to see my own 'fog' lift and what people had been telling me (as you have said above) was ringing true.
I actually did my own 'U-Turn' and thought that, as I'd done such a sh!t job with nmy marriage, that her OM might actually be good for her. 
Weird, I know. :scratchhead:


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

No Seems to run about 90% on here. MOL


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> No Seems to run about 90% on here. MOL


What is MOL?


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

For my SA wife it mattered. No further than EA's with the married guys. PA's and messing around with single guys. I think part of that though was the single guys had a home to go to. And one PA was a married guy, but it was sort of rapey.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> I think too many BS's get fixated more on the role of the AP ruining their marriage than the WS. That somehow if this particular AP never met your WS that your life would not be in ruins right now. Is the AP a POS? Of course but so are millions of other people and the truth is if it wasn't this person it would of been someone else eventually. I don't believe affairs happen by "accident". In most cases the spouse was broadcasting f*** me vibes for quite sometime and it was only a matter of time before the opportunity presented itself.


I disagree. The most frequent AP is a former lover. And these days it is very commonly related to a FaceBook or other social media reconnect.

My wife's first bf/lover contacted her on FB and she was instantly hooked. It never went anywhere because he lives 2000 miles away and I nuked it hard. But she fought me hard!

He, by the way, has had a reputation for 30 years of targeting married women.

I think for many women they would not necessarily have gone into a PA if it weren't for an old bf contacting them. Yes she had to be weak in order to proceed. But I think many of these women would not have had an affair with someone else. At least not a first affair.



BetrayedDad said:


> You should be far more upset at your WS who did it with enthusiasm and without any thought about you. That's the real evil.


This much I agree with. No matter how the affair gets off the ground, the WS has perpetrated a terrible betrayal. The blame should not be shifted to the AP. Both get blame, with the majority going to the WS.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, ultimately, I do not think they care much. Just as the married spouse really doesn't when push comes to shove.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If the OM/OW cared, then they wouldn't be the OM/OW.

I think if the AP cares about anything it is that they *are* married and going after a spouse is easier then going after someone single.

From what I have read, female AP want the challange of taking a married man...male AP like the fact that a married women are lonely.

So yes in that aspect the OM/OW *do* care!!!!!!!!

I'm not trying to be right or wrong here, its just my opinion in generilizing infidelity...which is impossible.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Thor said:


> I think for many women they would not necessarily have gone into a PA if it weren't for an old bf contacting them. Yes she had to be weak in order to proceed. But I think many of these women would not have had an affair with someone else. At least not a first affair.


I respectfully disagree. Sometimes it's an exboyfriend. Sometimes it's a co-worker or a neighbor. My WS cheated with an ex and a coworker. In all cases it was an opportunity for the WS and I think by implying they "were weak" is downplaying their role. Most cheaters have self-esteem issues. They need validation. So they put out the vibe, they purposely have boundry issues, they sought and enjoyed the attention and got what they wanted in the end. To cheat on you. They WANTED to do it, so they did it. They were fishing for attention. It's niave to think otherwise. They're not as stupid as they act.

And I can see why it's easy to want to believe that this was just some cruel twist of fate. Because part of the cheatering 101 is when caught to act like a victim who was preyed on. The truth is almost all WS's green lighted to escalate into an affair. No one comes out and says, "want to f***?" But they both knew EXACTLY that's where it's going. The WS always WANTED to do it and probably fantasized about it for a while and when opportunity came knocking (ie a fish took the bait) they reeled them in...


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

I think some WS's are weak and some deliberately pursue affairs. Either way, they fully green-lighted it once it began. The difference could be in how it started. Maybe something to do with initial intentions.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I do know that from my particular situation with my XW, that one of her "other men" absolutely didn't really seem to care in the very least that she was married(to me), at least from the evidence of their "discovered" dialogue." After reconnecting with her on FB, all that this divorced musician really seemed to be concerned with was fastidiously burying "his hardness" into something wild and new. And as the wife of his deceased best friend and work-buddy, she could have well provoked sexual tension between them from years earlier and caused him to have "the hots" for her many years hence; to the point that he innately wanted to tap into what his best friend had been sleeping with as a married man. And truth be known, it absolutely would not surprise me that she may have well been rolling this guys ashes when she separated from Hubby No. 1.

But truth be known, it was my XW that initially and then habitually continued to pursue him, all without even a scintilla of knowledge on my part!*


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> I think some WS's are weak and some deliberately pursue affairs.


The ones that do not pursue affairs may not actively try to instigate an affair but they do consciously and purposely put themselves in a situation for it to happen. They feed it along and make it happen. It doesn't happen on accident. It's like getting dolled up and going to the club. They may not hit on anyone once they get there but they sure as hell are ready for it. And when the right person comes along they pounce.

Eating a donut someone puts out on the table is a moment of weakness. An affair is premeditated, planned and executed by BOTH parties. The OM was just a means to an end. The OM didn't "charm their socks off" and they were simply "too weak to resist". That's what the cheater wants you to believe. They simply didn't romatically love their BS anymore. The attraction, spark whatever was gone. So they sought that chemistry elsewhere. An ex is usually a good first choice cause they used to have it with them BUT it could have just as easily been somebody else.

My point is if your looking for someone to blame. Blame your WS. They are the betrayors. The OM is just another turd in the fish tank.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> The ones that do not pursue affairs may not actively try to instigate an affair but they do consciously and purposely put themselves in a situation for it to happen. They feed it along and make it happen. It doesn't happen on accident.
> 
> It's like getting dolled up and going to the club. They may not hit on anyone once they get there but they sure as hell are ready for it. And when the right person comes along they pounce.


Yes, I think SOME do that, agree. But I also think some did not put themselves in a situation for it to happen but it sort of just fell into their lap and stared them in the face, and THEN they started thinking about it. And, yes, these people are all weak and didn't love their spouse, but many people are unaware that they feel this way because they've been living like that for so long. My point is that I just don't think there is one cookie-cutter way that these things begin. It's all based on the individuals involved.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *I do know that from my particular situation with my XW, that one of her "other men" absolutely didn't really seem to care in the very least that she was married(to me), at least from the evidence of their "discovered" dialogue." After reconnecting with her on FB, all that this divorced musician really seemed to be concerned with was fastidiously burying "his hardness" into something wild and new. And as the wife of his deceased best friend and work-buddy, she could have well provoked sexual tension between them from years earlier and caused him to have "the hots" for her many years hence; to the point that he innately wanted to tap into what his best friend had been sleeping with as a married man. And truth be known, it absolutely would not surprise me that she may have well been rolling this guys ashes when she separated from Hubby No. 1.
> 
> But truth be known, it was my XW that initially and then habitually pursued him, all without a scintilla of knowledge on my part!*


I'm either totally confused or ignorant with this post! :scratchhead: 

Your Ex-Wife slept with a musician who's best-friend and buddy was _dead_...and she was _'rolling this guys ashes when she separated from Hubby No. 1.'_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Thor said:


> You haven't been here long enough to see some of the posts by AP's or sometimes WS's discussing their philosophy. Many times the attitude is that the AP made no commitment to the BS, thus the AP has no culpability in the affair. In other words, if a married person makes their body available for sex, it is fair game to take the sex.
> 
> And, for some APs it is a distinct strategy to target married people. Some men see it as a higher level of conquest to take another man's woman. It is even more satisfying to their ego if the BH never even knows about it. Probably some women have this attitude too, but I think it is more common among men. Some men target married women because they know it will be a no-strings-attached sex fest.


Threw up in my mouth a little there.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Yes, I think SOME do that, agree. But I also think some did not put themselves in a situation for it to happen but it sort of just fell into their lap and stared them in the face, and THEN they started thinking about it. And, yes, these people are all weak. I just don't think there is one cookie-cutter way that these things begin. It's all based on the individuals involved.


In a very rare instance you maybe right. But in most cases they were either too chatty with the opposite sex, had weak boundries, thought they could be friends with their exs, purposely dressed provcatively or acted flirty, whatever. They put out the vibe and they made themselves available for the opportunity to present itself. It didn't just "fall into their lap". They invited it. And they didn't just think about it after the opportunity appeared. It was always an option for them. Like the saying goes a girl knows within 30 seconds of meeting someone whether they would sleep with them. A guy in my opinion 3 seconds LOL. Either way, it doesn't take much convincing if you're loose with your morality to begin with.

Good Discussion.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> In a very rare instance you maybe right. But in most cases they were either too chatty with the opposite sex, had weak boundries, thought they could be friends with their exs, purposely dressed provcatively or acted flirty, whatever. They put out the vibe and they made themselves available for the opportunity to present itself. It didn't just "fall into their lap". They invited it. And they didn't just think about it after the opportunity appeared. It was always an option for them. Like the saying goes a girl knows within 30 seconds of meeting someone whether they would sleep with them. A guy in my opinion 3 seconds LOL. Either way, it doesn't take much convincing if you're loose with your morality to begin with.


I was late in editing my post above addressing this, so let me know what you think of that, but, I'd also like to point out that this is not limited to WW's. There are WH's too. 

I'm not trying to paint them as victims, because like I said, they fully green-lighted it once it presented itself, and that is horrible, but I just don't think all WS's look for it beforehand. And I don't think that make them any less culpable either, but I'm just splitting hairs here.



> Good Discussion.


Thank you, it's interesting to me too, even though we've gone off topic.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> I just don't think all WS's look for it beforehand. And I don't think that doesn't make them any less culpable either, but I'm just splitting hairs here.


Maybe we are splitting hairs. If they weren't "looking" for it, they were most certainly always open too it. I just go one further and say they knowingly facilated the opportunity for it to present itself. In my opinion, good people just don't wake up and become bad. I just think it's niave to think otherwise.

You sure you're not doing research for a book? If you are, I expect a fee. You ask lot of questions on this forum LOL.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Maybe we are splitting hairs. If they weren't "looking" for it, they were most certainly always open too it. I just go one further and say they knowingly facilated the opportunity for it to present itself. In my opinion, good people just don't wake up and become bad. I just think it's niave to think otherwise.
> 
> You sure you're not doing research for a book? If you are, I expect a fee. You ask lot of questions on this forum LOL.


I'm not doing research for a book but that's funny. 
My questions never end (about anything really). The curiosity I have about things is almost like a curse.

So, ahem, to split hairs some more... I think it depends on how you define "open too it". Again, I think there's weak, where you _weren't_ thinking about it beforehand and then it shows up unannounced like a new idea, and you just let it happen to you, and then there's someone who thinks about it beforehand and maybe tries to set it up using various direct and/or indirect methods.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I can see this. I still wouldn't be able to trust either one of them though.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

They care when the BS busts their @ss with exposure.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Again, I think there's weak, where you _weren't_ thinking about it beforehand and then it shows up unannounced like a new idea, and you just let it happen to you...


We will have to agree to disagree... 

I refer back to my donut analogy. You might not have been thinking about having a donut, then someone puts one on the table and you decide to eat it because it looked delicious. 

However, nobody says to themselves, "You know, I never thought about having an affair before but the opportunity has presented itself, completely by happenstance, and it sure sounds like fun so why not see where it goes?" 

Give me a break... I suppose that COULD happen in some rare situation but if this is your spouse's true mentality then they probably shouldn't be handling steak knives or any other kind of sharp utensils because they are a dangerous idiot.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> We will have to agree to disagree...
> 
> I refer back to my donut analogy. You might not have been thinking about having a donut, then someone puts one on the table and you decide to eat it because it looked delicious.
> 
> ...


I agree that what I am describing is like your donut analogy. In your second paragraph, if you replace the word "affair" with "donut" it would sound just like the donut analogy. I don't see the difference because they both weren't thinking about it before it showed up. Maybe these minor details aren't important to you, but it would be important to me if I were in the BS, even though I'd still leave the WS.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thats the thing about infidelity...there always is a rare case. LOL

This thread bring back memories of the few times I spent at the dc site and the crap I read from waywards.

It amazed me how phucked up they were and yes I can't imagine being around some of them if they had a sharp object in there hand.

I mean really, when poeple are in the infidelity fog how can any one put any logic to it?

Daisy you can spend a life time trying to figure out the "whys" and the "hows" and they are as varied as the day is long.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

the guy said:


> Daisy you can spend a life time trying to figure out the "whys" and the "hows" and they are as varied as the day is long.


I realize that. I guess I was just trying to tell someone else that. lol


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Daisy10 said:


> I think some WS's are weak and some deliberately pursue affairs. Either way, they fully green-lighted it once it began. The difference could be in how it started. Maybe something to do with initial intentions.


Mmm "weak"

You go out with mud on your face and smelling of sh!t you won't have a chance with anybody. Try looking like a teenager when you are in your early thirties and somebody going to take you up on it AND YOU KNOW THAT.

That btw before anybody starts is not 'she's asking for it' etc etc - we are talking about infidelity here and the intentions of a potential wayward spouse.

Putting yourself 'out there' is deliberate if you intend it that way and it's not only physical appearance it's 'situations' that oyu know there's a good chance of a real 'pass' being made especially if its somebody you've had 'your eye on' for a while

There's no 'weak'' imo I and many others have found ourselves in positions of 'temptation' - human beings will always be there and once I realized I could be giving out signals of the wrong kind I instantly corrected them so there was no possibility of a misunderstanding

Sorry but misunderstandings hence 'weakness' just does not happen - you find yourself 'there' and a choice is to be made. If you do not want to hurt the people in your life you do not go there . Moreover if you respect your wife husband but know things are wrong and you do feel tempted then you end your relationship / marriage and then fk who you want after. 

For a person at that crossroads to go down the adultery path they are showing at that very moment they have no respect for their partner wife husb

________

mstbxw had serial affairs liaisons all with married men and it's the one thing I realized after the separation - just how bad a person she really is to willfully wreck, help to wreck another family not once but four times.

This tells you a lot about a person.

It was something I had not really considered during my time with her but after when I could look at her fully I am simply appalled at the 'real' person I now think she is / was


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

What if you didn't have your "eye" on this person, and they're all up in your face, like at work? 

Or, what if they slowly and slyly come in the "friend" back door? We're good friends for a while and now you start confiding marital probs in me and I start consoling and complimenting you, just the way your spouse doesn't. We've all seen people do that.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> I don't see the difference because they both weren't thinking about it before it showed up. Maybe these minor details aren't important to you, but it would be important to me if I were in the BS, even though I'd still leave the WS.


You seem to want to assign the same degree of innocence to the WS for eating a donut as you would for them having an affair. 

The difference is, it's okay to eat a donut on occasion. 

It's never okay to have an affair. 

I'd hardly call that a minor detail...


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> What if you didn't have your "eye" on this person, and they're all up in your face, like at work?
> 
> Or, what if they slowly and slyly come in the "friend" back door? We're good friends for a while and now you start confiding marital probs in me and I start consoling and complimenting you, just the way your spouse doesn't. We've all seen people do that.


So could I slowly and slyly talk you into murdering someone? 

I'm guessing if I could you probably had already thought about doing it before. 

So when exactly does one accept accountability?


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> You seem to want to assign the same degree of innocence to the WS for eating a donut as you would for them having an affair.


I didn't. You made up the donut analogy to describe this.



> The difference is, it's okay to eat a donut on occasion.
> 
> It's never okay to have an affair.
> 
> I'd hardly call that a minor detail...


I never said it was okay to have an affair. The details I posted about had to do with intentions before and affair, not whether an affair was wrong or not.



BetrayedDad said:


> So could I slowly and slyly talk you into murdering someone?
> 
> I'm guessing if I could you probably had already thought about doing it before.
> 
> So when exactly does one accept accountability?


They have to accept accountability for all of it. I never said they weren't accountable. Reread my posts. 

I have to get offline for a while now, I apologize if I don't respond right away.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

People who bang other people's spouses are of low character by nature. Does the guy who steals your car care that you have had your property stolen and have suffered a loss? Come on now.

Just like I would never cheat I would never be the posom. The anxiety and guilt would far outweigh my need to get laid. Matter of fact, I'm sure my **** wouldn't be able to get hard at all.

That part of my brain would immediately direct all the blood gushing AWAY from my penis. Affair partners have to have some sociopathic tendencies I would think.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Daisy10 said:


> What if you didn't have your "eye" on this person, and they're all up in your face, like at work?
> 
> Or, what if they slowly and *slyly* come in the "friend" back door? We're good friends for a while and now you start confiding marital probs in me and I start consoling and complimenting you, just the way your spouse doesn't. We've all seen people do that.


This is why I don't wantmy fiance to have "good friends" who also happen to be females. People like myself who have been through the ringer will catch these situations sooner rather than later. 

Anyone can tell me that they had innocent intentions, that's fine, but you still can't have the access to my husband that you might have wanted.

For the record, there are a lot of wives out there who are already very savvy about that.

In other words, if you want to have an affair with this guy, you are going to have to find another route other than "just friends" to get to that point.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> However, nobody says to themselves, "You know, I never thought about having an affair before but the opportunity has presented itself, completely by happenstance, and it sure sounds like fun so why not see where it goes?"


I don't know what went through my wife's mind. But I do know the timeline.

Her first bf/lover from when she was 15/16 is a professional musician. Bad boy type, well known from even back 30 years ago to prefer bedding married women. My wife, afaik, had no contact with him at all for 25+ years. We lived 2000 miles away.

He sent a FB friend request, and she was hooked. There was no EA with messages or phone calls. A couple of show announcements and one personal email saying he thought she still looks great.

I don't think my wife was looking to get involved with him again. I don't know that she even thought about him. But once she got this contact she was solidly hooked again. If he were nearby it would have been PA in 3 minutes.

It took a lot to convince her to un-friend him. It took her a couple of months to delete the emails (she did not know I had access to her email). She now keeps "their song" on her iPod.

This is a common scenario. Now perhaps some other bad boy might have gotten her into an affair later on. But the affair is so _easy_ to go into when the AP is a former lover.

Yes the WW is fully responsible for weak boundaries and for whatever affair she gets into. And she is not a victim. But the right opportunity was put in front of her.

Someone who doesn't like donuts isn't going to eat the donut you put on the table, but maybe the chocolate bar is enough temptation.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Just to add, the person with good boundaries and good character would refuse the FB friend request or other temptation from the beginning. They would see the risk and choose not to play.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Thor said:


> This is a common scenario. Now perhaps some other bad boy might have gotten her into an affair later on. But the affair is so _easy_ to go into when the AP is a former lover.


My stbxw's AP was a guy who she had the hots for in HS but always treated her like **** and wouldn't give her the time of day. She actually has a scar on her thigh where she carved his initials when she was in her teens. "KH". How apropos that he was stored in her phone as "KH" during their affair, and the thumbnail pic was of the 2 of them kissing. So sweet!

Treated her like dog **** all those years in HS - then wanders in one night to her bar, leaves her a $300 tip and she gives it all away for a bit of his attention.

Utterly pathetic. He actually did me a favor...my life, despite the pain of the betrayal and my kids' suffering, is a better one without her in it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

davecarter said:


> I'm either totally confused or ignorant with this post! :scratchhead:
> 
> Your Ex-Wife slept with a musician who's best-friend and buddy was _dead_...and she was _'rolling this guys ashes when she separated from Hubby No. 1.'_


*You've basically got it right, Dave! OM#1 and XW's first husband had worked together as engineers in the PC industry and were best friends. OM left that industry and followed his dream of being a Willie Nelson wannabe. Separated because of her H's alcoholism, XW filed for D on H despite the fact that he was a corporate VP.

While separated, XW sent H off to alcoholic rehab, got him to sign off on a power of attorney, then she "legally" absconded with nearly half of his wealth/millions. In her ultimate D settlement with him, the judge let her keep those absconded funds largely under the guise of the Texas community property laws. That's where she ended up getting the bulk of her wealth from, other than some of it that she received from her parents oil and ranch holdings.

And not too awfully long after her D from first husband, I met and started dating her, with her H mysteriously passing away about a year later from his chronic alcoholism.

Later rumors had circulated among some of her less than loyal "friends," that she was seeing people(including this guy) while she was in the throws of her D proceedings from FH, almost up to the point of the time that we started our own relationship together.*


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I think they prefer it, especially if they are married
I think people have sex with married people because it is more likely to remain casual, no strings attached...

How many married women cheat, dump their husbands, and THEN get dumped by the om...sorry chicky, the om liked it better when someone ELSE paid the bills, supported your butt, and did the chores lol

it makes sense for married peolple who are looking to cheat TO cheat with other married people...MORE likely to be discreet if BOTH partners have a lot to loose, less likely to fall in love and want a relationship...


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If you have a spouse who is having multiple affairs, the "others" will spread the word and I can assure you they couldn't care less about the betrayed. That's one of the reasons that the betrayed is the very last to know.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> I look back at those years and I'm in awe that I made it to 30. Let alone became a responsible law abiding citizen and decent father. I should probably be dead or in jail. But I guess I just got lucky.


Your Guardian Angel and mine must have got the same training and made really good use of it. I know mine has earned his keep.


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

Some interesting stuff here that bears on this discussion

Study examines potential evolutionary role of 'sexual regret' in human survival, reproduction


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

I will quote Dr Phil : 

Dating a Married Man

Are you the "other woman?" If you're involved with a married man, and you're waiting for your turn, it's time to re-evaluate your situation. Dr. Phil offers advice:

_It's time to move forward.
_If you're putting your life on hold for a married man, he's not only stolen your heart — he's stolen your brain!

_No matter how you justify it, you are attacking his family unit_.
Even if he is separated from his wife, that is their business, and you are a threat to their marriage. You aren't welcome, and you don't belong.

_You may feel that he's your soul mate but think again_.
A real soul mate would not set you on the sidelines. He wouldn't allow it, let alone entice it.

_Keep in mind that you only know what he tells you_.
You already know that he's a liar, because he's living a lie with his wife and children. How can you be sure whether you're the only "other woman" he has? Entertain the possibility that he is lying to you, and you are being used.

_Think of his wife_.
Is it fair to her? She's been married to him for however many years, cleaned up after him when he's sick, raised children with him, sacrificed with him, dealt with the "damn dailies," then you come in at the 11th hour and provide a contrast to that that's new, and exciting and fun. You are intruding upon her turf. You are a trespasser. It is no different than being a thief in the night. It is no different than breaking into their house and stealing their things.

_Even if your married man decided to leave his wife and family for you, that doesn't guarantee success_.
Relationships born out of affairs survive less than 5 percent of the time. If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. If he's living this deception with you today, how could you ever trust him if you did get into a legitimate relationship with him?

_Break off this relationship today_.
You'll hurt, you'll feel broken-hearted, but you'll be better off. Take some time to get really clear with yourself about who you are and what you want. The most important relationship you'll ever have in this world is the one you have with yourself. And eventually, you'll fall in love again — with someone who's willing to make you first in his life!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> sorry chicky, the om like it better when someone ELSE paid the bills, supported your butt, and did the chores lol




This sums up the situation in a nutshell...

These guys are just poachers... No different than looters when a bad storm heads into town... They aren't out to rescue anybody... 

And they certainly ain't gonna stick around to share.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband did care if his AP was married because he did not want to get his a$$ beat by a p1ssed off husband.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

OW doesn't care that he is married. He made me homeless so they can play house. For all I know, she could be wearing my grandmother's jewelry.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

No. 
The affair partners KNOW they do wrong, but they choose to be selfish regardless. 

Some are convinced bachelors that want to get laid without the pressure of commitment; so they go after someone committed already, who is "safe" and "no drama".

Others are too infatuated and choose to be selfish to get the WS. They only care about their own happiness, and heck, they want that married person. If they have to walk all over someone else's life, well, too bad, but they "have to think about themselves".

So no, no remorse nor conscience from the AP. They're scum.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Rugs said:


> My husband did care if his AP was married because he did not want to get his a$$ beat by a p1ssed off husband.


That's not caring, that's just fear... I don't think that's what the poster is asking for when they say "care..."


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Daisy10 said:


> What if you didn't have your "eye" on this person, and they're all up in your face, like at work?
> 
> Or, what if they slowly and slyly come in the "friend" back door? We're good friends for a while and now you start confiding marital probs in me and I start consoling and complimenting you, just the way your spouse doesn't. We've all seen people do that.


But what's your point here? You're saying that a persons 'naivety' somehow propels them to a place whereby they, without knowing it, are embroiled in an illicit relationship / liaison?

How ? Come on, look at the exact specifics. THE EXACT time - when is it that the mind crosses from naivety to "Oh God, Now look where I somehow find myself cheating on my family and his too - poor me" "I just never saw it coming" 

Please

As I mentioned in my earlier post there is a precise point, and that is well before the lips meet, that the wayward knows, this is a bad choice, a bad path. They know that with this next act ( a kiss) they are opening up a portal that could in the end destroy many lives. 

THEY KNOW IT. 

I simply do not believe any human does not know this.

It's about choice

In terms of the opening post they also know the additional dangers of interfering in a marriage 

For me upon reflection, after separating 20 mths ago these additional 'married men' choices have made a huge difference to my level of contempt for my stbxw.

If that is the kind of person I managed to invest 15 years of heartfelt love into how blind am I ?

Crossing the ow/om married line divide is a huge deal in infidelity for me - it's another level entirely about selfish entitlement


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> These guys are just poachers... No different than looters when a bad storm heads into town... They aren't out to rescue anybody...
> 
> And they certainly ain't gonna stick around to share.


Yup.
I found out that 6 months into my separation from wife, she then started sporadically 'seeing' OM#2, so in effect was betraying OM#1!!

Basically, she had me to look after the kids while she went to OM#1's and when _he _wasn't available, she would hook up with OM#2 (an acquaintance of mine)
She was gauging whether OM#2 could be a replacement as OM#1 had started to 'flag' somewhat...

Ingenious when you think about it. 
Women truly do love options!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

davecarter said:


> Yup.
> I found out that 6 months into my separation from wife, she then started sporadically 'seeing' OM#2, so in effect was betraying OM#1!!
> 
> Basically, she had me to look after the kids while she went to OM#1's and when _he _wasn't available, she would hook up with OM#2 (an acquaintance of mine)
> ...


*Sounds just like my XW! I found out almost a year into my separation/abandonment, and initially from her cell phone/texting records, that she was playing her two OMen against each other while carrying on simultaneous dialogue, as well as road trips to go see them both.

It was painfully obvious that she no longer wanted me around as her H, but by having relationships with these two men from her past, it would greatly appear that she fastidiously enjoyed playing them against each other!

What do they call that? Freedom of choice?*


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> That's not caring, that's just fear... I don't think that's what the poster is asking for when they say "care..."


you're right. no it's not.



Headspin said:


> But what's your point here? You're saying that a persons 'naivety' somehow propels them to a place whereby they, without knowing it, are embroiled in an illicit relationship / liaison?
> 
> How ? Come on, look at the exact specifics. THE EXACT time - when is it that the mind crosses from naivety to "Oh God, Now look where I somehow find myself cheating on my family and his too - poor me" "I just never saw it coming"
> 
> ...


I never said they don't know it at some point, but I'm tired of trying to explain my point, and I can tell this will go on and on, so let's just let it go.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

davecarter said:


> Yup.
> I found out that 6 months into my separation from wife, she then started sporadically 'seeing' OM#2, so in effect was betraying OM#1!!
> 
> Basically, she had me to look after the kids while she went to OM#1's and when _he _wasn't available, she would hook up with OM#2 (an acquaintance of mine)
> ...


It's stories like this one that makes me wonder what people get out of dating someone who is married.

But I get that's fodder for another thread.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> It's stories like this one that makes me wonder what people get out of dating someone who is married.
> 
> But I get that's fodder for another thread.


Several people have mentioned "getting" something out of dating someone who is married. Like having some higher agenda than just mere attraction. While I think that's true for some, I think others are just going by plain old attraction and that's it.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> you're right. no it's not.
> 
> 
> 
> I never said they don't know it at some point, but I'm tired of trying to explain my point, and I can tell this will go on and on, so let's just let it go.


They know they are crossing a line as soon as they start lying by omission or commission.

If your spouse honestly believes what they are doing is innocent, they would not choose to keep their behavior a secret.

_Them keeping secrets proves their willing consent and awareness of impropriety..._

Once they start lying, by omission or commission.. they know... they know, and want to keep it going, so they hide it... at that point is when you can say for certain they know...

And for what it's worth.. that point often occurs well before "lips meet..."

The same goes for the third party.. see my next post for more on that...


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> What if you didn't have your "eye" on this person, and they're all up in your face, like at work?
> 
> Or, what if they slowly and slyly come in the "friend" back door? We're good friends for a while and now you start confiding marital probs in me and I start consoling and complimenting you, just the way your spouse doesn't. We've all seen people do that.


What you are suggesting here is commonly called "grooming..."

The thing is Daisy, women have zero business listening to the private and intimate marital issues of married men. Either offered up freely or extracted it makes no difference.

As soon as a woman experiences a married man opening up to a her about his marital problems she needs to say the following to him and herself :

_This is not my business, this is actually private business between your wife and yourself. That is where it needs to be resolved and that is where that conversation ought to stay. You are disrespecting your wife by sharing private marital issues in public. You are disrespecting yourself by doing so.. And you disrespect me by including me into something that I have no business knowing about. Please take this home where it belongs and sort it out there.

Going outside your marriage to solve your marital issues will not fix them, it will only aggravate the problem...
_

The problem is a lot of women have this nurturing habit where men open up, and women swoon. They love the gossip, they love having a handsome man open up emotionally to them, they love being confided in... This is intoxicating for a woman...

Women just need to "say no to drugs" as it were and say what I wrote above to the letter.

Many women don't which is a big mistake, they allow the married man to continue to disrespect his wife's privacy to her in secret and the woman gets increasingly emotionally invested in the secrets, the sob stories, and the drama... The exchange becomes the woman's private little soap opera and she gets the front row seat.

It does not take much longer from that point for a husband to simply say "you are so much more understanding, you are so much more patient and caring than my wife ever was...."

And that point, she is hooked...

Women and men have no business listening to the private marital troubles of other married people. That's none of their business... And women and men need to know enough to "say no to drugs" when a wayward spouse offers a curious party a "hit" of the young and the restless...

This happens with men too, but it's more of a knight in shining armor thing where the wayward wife paints the husband out as cold and abusive... Guys are suckers for that... They hear a woman is being treated harshly and they want to jump to the rescue.. and they get drawn in. Again these men have no business eavesdropping into the private lives of female waywards either... its rude, disrespectful, and caustic to the betrayed husband to have this nonsense going on behind his back.

Unfortunately dirty laundry is sickly inviting to listen in on.. it's like rubberneckers at a traffic accident.. these third parties just have to look... and they get charged up when they see blood.

This is grooming behavior by the wayward and the third party is 100% responsible for not walking away when a wayward begins disrespecting their marriage by airing their dirty laundry... They wayward knows they are disrespecting their spouse airing dirty laundry, they are just inconsiderate, as is the third party for not walking away.

I understand waywards want to complain to someone, but an attractive member of the opposite sex confided to in secret is not the solution to that... And third parties ought to be mature enough to realize this and send them back home.

I know this advice sounds old fashioned. But marriage is an institution far older than anyone on this forum.. we need to respect the customs that surround it and keep them alive.

There is a reason for them... even if it's long been forgotten or cast aside...


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> This sums up the situation in a nutshell...
> 
> These guys are just poachers... No different than looters when a bad storm heads into town... They aren't out to rescue anybody...
> 
> And they certainly ain't gonna stick around to share.


You can':scratchhead:t poach what was given to you.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> OW doesn't care that he is married. He made me homeless so they can play house. For all I know, she could be wearing my grandmother's jewelry.


Damn - that's got to get the blood boiling.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Headspin said:


> It's about choice


QFT.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> What do they call that? Freedom of choice?*


No, they call it something else, but I don't want to get banned again.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> When I was but a young lad, only concerned with my life and being an all around selfish, womanizing, tool d-bag I was the OM many times. A lot. I'll answer the question very honestly.
> 
> No. They do not care if their bang buddy is married. In fact, there was a few months where I only wanted to plow married women. I just had an "urge" to do it. I was a real piece of work in my early twenties.
> 
> ...


Karma


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> What you are suggesting here is commonly called "grooming..."
> 
> The thing is Daisy, women have zero business listening to the private and intimate marital issues of married men. Either offered up freely or extracted it makes no difference.
> 
> ...


Great post, but I believe this thread and the problem you refer to applies to both genders.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

illwill said:


> You can':scratchhead:t poach what was given to you.


Yes you can... sorry.. this is a problem that both the wayward and the third party are accountable for. The AP poaches a relationship that is not theirs to use... they know that, so they just do it in secret.

Would you sneak on a neighbors property to use their pool at three am? Of course not.

I outlined this in ridiculous detail showing how the third party allows this to take place...

You can simply assert that the third party is in no way accountable if you want to do that, but that would be a blind assertion, not unlike what a third party or wayward make. It's blind with you argument to back it up.

I can assert anything I want, that does not make it true... I am princess of Canada! There.. does that make it true?

The fact is third parties do indeed poach what is "given" to them. Third parties choose all of the following

a. Third parties allow the wayward to share private information about the marriage
b. Third parties allow the wayward to share private information about themselves
c. Third parties allow the wayward to share private information about the betrayed spouse (the worst kind since your spouse is supposed to speak up and protect you in your absence)
d. Third parties allow themselves to ask questions, listen, and comfort waywards sharing their problems
e. Third parties allow themselves to be groomed as a surrogate spouse - they do know it's coming, they enjoy it happening
f. Third parties choose to not warn the betrayed spouse that their husband/wife is wayward and sharing secrets
g. Third parties choose to meet in private
h. Third parties choose to discuss the waywards marital issues without even confirming any information they get with the betrayed spouse - who puts someone on trial without ever meeting them first?

I can go on... but that's enough right there.

The mature response by an AP when a - h or any part of that his happening is to walk away.. deception and disrespect is already rampant. Third parties choose to and allow this to continue.. as much as the wayward does...

This is not a matter of a third party just passively and innocently sitting around batting their lashes. That's just ridiculous...

_Third parties actively participate in an ongoing deception that is disrespectful to the betrayed spouse and that is detrimental to the health and safety of the marriage.
_

They are active agents in the deception and disrespect, they know it's happening.

Third parties know this is happening and willfully choose to get increasingly involved. Despite the likelihood that

a. the info the AP has is one sided
b. the info the AP has is factually questionable given the source
c. the info the AP has is affecting them emotionally
d. continuing makes the AP complicit in the disrespect
e. continuing makes the AP complicit in the deception

I can go on and on all night.. sorry, the AP is not some unwitting victim that gets duped into having an affair. That's crap. They poach and they know they are poaching.

poach
1 [pohch] Show IPA
verb (used without object)
1. to trespass, especially on another's game preserve, in order to steal animals or to hunt.
2. to take game or fish illegally.
3. (of land) to become broken up or slushy by being trampled.
4. (in tennis, squash, handball, etc.) to play a ball hit into the territory of one's partner that is properly the partner's ball to play.
5. Informal. to cheat in a game or contest.
verb (used with object)
6. to trespass on (private property), especially in order to hunt or fish.
7. to steal (game or fish) from another's property.
8. to take without permission and use as one's own: to poach ideas; a staff poached from other companies.
9. to break or tear up by trampling.
10. to mix with water and reduce to a uniform consistency, as clay.

You can argue semantics all you want, trespassing, poaching, interloping, etc.. it's all the same act and the third party is an agent in this deception and disrespect... a willing and informed agent...

The AP is poaching, trespassing, and interloping into a marriage they have no business involving themselves in. And these AP's have no right to get involved in anyone else's marriage.. no matter how easy it may be to do so.

The marriage is not the waywards to share with the public, and the AP knows that. This is akin to looking into your neighbors bedroom window simply because they left it open. Just because a window is left open does not make you some innocent dupe. The AP chooses to look into the window and continue to look into the window.

The AP poaches as much as anyone would be complicit in using stolen money.

_Buying or using stolen goods, goods you know are stolen does not make you a victim, it makes you an accomplice.
_

You can very much poach what is given to you, sorry.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Great post, but I believe this thread and the problem you refer to applies to both genders.


Yes, I said several times in there it does... it's just difficult to write for both at the same time.

Both genders cheat on their spouses, both genders cheat with a wayward. We all know that.

The specifics may differ a bit, but the end result is the same : disrespect and deception.

And all that happens before "lips meet"...


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> I think not.
> 
> What say you knowledgeable people?


Oh I think they'll say they do care, but if the did they wouldn't interfere in the first place.

I do think they care in the sense that they wish their MM/MW would leave their spouse, but don't really care about the pain they are causing the spouse.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> It just occurred to me that by saying to a friend who is the OW/OM "How would you feel if you were their wife or husband"? as a tactic to discourage them does not work, because they don't care.


One of my friends, well, x-friend anyway, started messing around with another guy's wife.

I asked him "what the F are you thinking? Or are you thinking?" We were no longer friends pretty much after this when we went to a bar to have a few stouts to talk about that and anything else.

Here is the thing that repulsed me about him. He wanted to make a case that he loves her, she is wonderful, blah blah.

But when I explained that she is a cheating wh-re and there is nothing wonderful about a woman that could turn around and do the same to him, he was offended. How dare me tell him the truth about the skank he was messing around with.
That and asking him how he'd like to have a guy just like him start f#####g his girlfriend/wife?

Not a huge loss if he is going to bed down someone elses wife and defend what little honor she has.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

vellocet said:


> One of my friends, well, x-friend anyway, started messing around with another guy's wife.
> 
> I asked him "what the F are you thinking? Or are you thinking?" We were no longer friends pretty much after this when we went to a bar to have a few stouts to talk about that and anything else.
> 
> ...


That's because it's going to be "different" with them, dontchaknow? LOL

Until it's not.

Just found out recently that a couple in my church might be headed for splitsville. How did they meet? A workplace affair. The guy and his former wife also went to our church. He was married with 2 children. Brief R with his first wife, but it didn't work. Then he marries and makes another kid with OW, but things aren't looking so rosy now.
Awwww, shucks! You mean a relationship born out of deceit and destruction didn't make it? 

Shocker!


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