# The Guy I've started to date calls too much, what to do?



## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

So I've been talking to a really great guy for the last 7 days. We are meeting up tomorrow then again next Sunday.

We really click, laugh, get along during our phone conversations and I do enjoy speaking to him however I'm finding that he is perhaps a tad excited because he is literally calling me every night and the calls are going on for hours. I'm not getting to bed until midnight most nights and feel tired the next morning.

Don't get me wrong I like that he calls but it's a little full on hearing from him every night for 2 hours each night. I'm feeling like I'm not really getting anytime to do my own thing or sit down to relax during my weeknights as I'm on the phone with him the minute my daughter goes to bed.

He is an Uber Driver and so I think a large part of this constant calling is probably a time filler between driving jobs for him. He doesn't sound crazy in any way. I'm putting it down to a bit of boredom and being keen on me.

Now I'm not sure how to handle this or get him to scale back the phonecalls without the potential risk of hurting his feelings cause I really like him and don't want to drive him away or say something that might make him think I'm not interested because I am very much interested. Suggestions people?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

If I'm reading your post correctly, you've only known this man for seven days. You aren't getting enough sleep because his calls to you go on for too long. You don't want to offend him.

Okay. So tell him politely that you enjoy speaking with him, but you can't stay on the phone too long in the evening. Explain to him you need more sleep. If he's offended by your polite explanation, then I'd say he isn't the right guy for you.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

lululu said:


> Now I'm not sure how to handle this or get him to scale back the phonecalls without the potential risk of hurting his feelings cause I really like him and don't want to drive him away or say something that might make him think I'm not interested because I am very much interested. Suggestions people?


As long as you are kind in your word choice and tone and true to your own boundaries, however he ends up feeling is on him. Right now, you're sacrificing your own interests to cater to the wishes and feelings of someone you do not even know and have only been speaking with for a week. That, to me, signals a willingness to be walked all over. Not good for you, but a jackpot for a manipulator. 

Try not answering every call and then responding with a text that you're unavailable and will speak with him the next day. When you do speak with him the next day, tell him at the beginning of the conversation that you only have, say, 30 minutes to talk and then actually end the call in 30 minutes.

You need to live your boundaries. Right now, you're allowing someone you don't know to apply their boundaries to your life. That is terribly unhealthy.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

okay tell him that while you enjoy talking to him you have things to get done and you can't spend all the time talking to him....

that said...is UBER Driver really a job?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Tell him you need to rest.
Tell him to give his tongue and his jaw a rest.

After the new wears off and his hands have expored the forest...
After the new wears off, and his mind is rested and assured that you are his....
Atter this, his words wil get scarce.

He is not boxing you into a corner, he is talking you into one.
One that he hopes you cannot escape.

Soon, when all doubt is removed, his tongue will give you a rest.

And then you will wonder where he is, what he is thinking.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> that said...is UBER Driver really a job?


Was Taxi Driver a job before Uber displaced them? 

Of course it's a job. Perhaps not a career, but it's honest work for honest pay.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I would just tell him politely that you're not able to talk on the telephone for so long each night, and that you have some things to do around the house, and you need to get a little more rest than you've been getting. If you say this nicely, he shouldn't take issue with it.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

He makes really good money from uber. He is actually a Tiler, he has a trade job but it can get quiet so he does some Ubering. It fits in with being flexible to spend time with his 7 yr old daughter, he has her 2 nights a week and every 2nd weekend so allows him to take her to school and pick her up etc.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Am I reading it correctly that you haven't actually met in person yet, just talked on the phone for a couple of weeks?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You call him, you speak for as long as you want then you say you have to go and you end the call.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

I'm meeting him in person today


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Heh heh, lets see how the “in person” goes,then if you still want to talk, you can just come up with N excuse to get off the phone.
As sun c says, it will taper off eventually.

Warning: people only show you what they want you to see online...or on phone. As I’m sure you know, In real life is a lot different....


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Was Taxi Driver a job before Uber displaced them?
> 
> Of course it's a job. Perhaps not a career, but it's honest work for honest pay.


Definitely a job but I get what they are saying. I wouldn't want my daughter to get serious about an Uber driver. Its ok to have standards when it comes to man's career IMO. It's ok for men too to want someone that brings something to the table other than just love and affection. My grandmother had a saying to the girls in our family, "don't date a garbage man because you might fall in love". Not knocking anyone's profession at all, but love doesn't pay the bills. Life is easier when you have more resources.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*No sweat! Just tell him! I'll bet you that he can take it if you'll just tell him the truth!

IMHO, he's enjoying the newness and the novelty your company so much that I'd bet that he's probably just losing track of time!*


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I would just tell him while you enjoy your conversations, you really need to get to bed at a decent hour.

If he can't accept that, I would move on.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

So I finally met him today and spent the whole afternoon and early evening with him. Was great. Chemistry definitely there and the date ended with a kiss.

I left to come home almost 2 hrs ago and he texted to see if I got home OK which is really sweet. He has asked me to call him when I'm off the phone from my son. I'm thinking that I'm really tired as I have a slight cold and really just want to go to sleep however after such a great date I don't want him thinking I'm acting all hot and cold so I feel that I should call.

I might text him and just say that I'm off the phone from my son and I'm about to go to bed because this cold is making me tired and that we can have a quick good night chat. Does that sound ok?


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

This is what I messaged him, hope it's OK.

"OK so I've just taken day and night flu tablets hopefully to stop this cold from getting worse and they make me drowsy so I will call now quickly to say goodnight before I fall asleep. This cold is draining me. Are you ok with our phonecalls being shorter ones because I don't think I can do too many late night calls as I get really tired and need my sleep as much as I love talking to you. 🤣 Staying up until midnight talking is nice to do but I'm just mindful of making sure I get enough sleep and time in the evenings to sit and unwind as well with a movie or something. Hopefully I'm not ****ing this explanation up and offending you. 

You have a gorgeous smile too by the way. I was pleasantly surprised and so relieved that I am attracted to you. You will be the first person I've dated the last month or so where I actually felt that. 😘"


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

"So I finally met him today and spent the whole afternoon and early evening with him. Was great. Chemistry definitely there and the date ended with a kiss."

So happy for you that the up close and personal meeting went well! :grin2:

I think your text sounds just fine. Friendly, straight-forward, explanation of what works for you.


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## lululu (Nov 20, 2014)

Yeah he was totally fine about it. We had a quick call discussed it a little more over the phone then ended the call at 30 minute mark instead of the 2 hrs. I feel better about it all now.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

ReformedHubby said:


> Definitely a job but I get what they are saying. I wouldn't want my daughter to get serious about an Uber driver. Its ok to have standards when it comes to man's career IMO. It's ok for men too to want someone that brings something to the table other than just love and affection. My grandmother had a saying to the girls in our family, "don't date a garbage man because you might fall in love". Not knocking anyone's profession at all, but love doesn't pay the bills. Life is easier when you have more resources.


A well established garbage man here in NY can easily earn 100K + fantastic benefit, and pension after 20 years. I hear there work days hours are short too big plus to spend with family.

Its a tough job and sure it's the pits during the hot summer days with the smell.

S1

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