# be honest ladies please



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

* 
I recently was reading on another board where a women admitted to using porn. Interestingly she indicated that when she watches porn and uses toys her “toes curl” like no man can do for her. There was other women on TAM that commented on the intensity of a toy-induced O. 

I post this question as it relates to the use of toys for women. I have heard allot of people refer to partnered sex as "irreplaceable" and something that can never fully replace partnered sex. Personally sex with a women ads a new dimension to the whole experience as you are trying to please her at the same time. Doing it with your sole mate brings it to a whole new level. On the flip side it is conceivable that a mechanical devise like vibrator may stimulate the entire clitoral area in such a way that could produce an orgasm that may simply be more powerful than one produced by another human. Granted you don't get the simultaneous thing and you may feel funny admitting (to yourself let alone your spouse) and it won't cuddle you, rub your back, tell you you love it or sleep in the wetspot but still..

I don't want for other's to try and hypothesize about why i am asking and how it effects my relationship. I think that some people tend to be politically correct even on an anonomous board like this. I wonder if women hold back on this subject to not hurt, many men's rediculously fragile ego's or whatever. Just looking for some honesty.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Wow, that was a lot of words. But I think you are asking about toys?

I enjoy porn, I enjoy masturbation. A LOT. But I rarely use toys. Really rarely, like maybe once a year.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

It's all different, and it's all good. If I didn't have a partner, I'd be happy with just toys. But I enjoy partnered sex MUCH more, and I'm glad I get that. lol But we do enjoy using--or not using--toys together. It's all about variety.

Honestly, we don't masturbate much, as we have sex together quite often.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm with lamaga. Masturbation is fun (don't need porn for this) but toys aren't really my thing either.

And if I'm getting plenty of sex there is no need to masturbate. I only do that these days when hubby is out of town or otherwise unavailable.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm a guy, but I'll throw in my $0.02, based on comments by my GF.

When we first started seeing each other, she had a toy that would knock her socks off and curl her hair. It was the only thing that would make her squirt. So yes, the toy could give her something that she wasn't getting from a partner.

Then we connected, both of us looking for a physical relationship. So obviously, there's something a partner could do for her sexually that the toy couldn't. 

Since then, I've learned how to rock her g-spot to give her those same orgasms. That toy's motor has burned out (RIP Purple Rabbit!), and she hasn't replaced it. I loved using it on/with her, so it was fine with me if she wanted another one. She has picked up another toy that we really like using on her, but it's really the combination of toy and partner that makes it worthwhile, I'd like to think.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Toe curling happens for me when we use toys together. It also happens when it's just us and no toys, but more frequently when there is toys. It doesn't happen with just toys alone. Maybe I am using the toys wrong :scratchhead:


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## LastDance (Jun 8, 2012)

What is TAM?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

LastDance said:


> What is TAM?


This site  Talk About Marriage


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## LastDance (Jun 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> This site  Talk About Marriage


*hand to forehead* Doh! caffeine. I must need more. Lots and lots more. :rofl:


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

Strictly physiologically, I've had some of my most intense orgasms on my own or w/only toys. I completely control the stimulation, so when the super sensitivity comes following the first orgasm, I can back off a little...or not...& have multiples in much quicker succession.

That said, nothing...& I mean nothing...compares to an orgasm w/a partner-- the connection...grabbing his a$$ & pulling him deeper...feeling his breath...

There's just no intimacy w/toys. They do release that tension & will even make my toes curl, but honestly, they always leave me wanting more.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I've rather liked some of my toys over the years.

The stimulation doesn't change or stop unless I want it to. It doesn't take a breather or stop at the crucial moment to ask me if it feels good!! 
It doesn't expect me to do anything... I don't have to dress up or suck my tummy in. Infact I don't have to suck anything belonging to it either... it's all about MMMEEEEEEEE 

BUT I'd take a session with my man anytime over a toy.
The toy can't kiss me all over or hold my gaze and tell me I'm loved. 

I find intensity changes with every O...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

HONESTLY, I have to say, There aint NOTHING like the real thing.

I don't care how "good" the dildo is made, It just does not compare to the real skin/warmth/feel of hubby. True, the love & cuddling factor might come into play there..


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Ok I will "man up" and share a personal story here:

I learned how to O with a vibrator. It took me many years to O at all (talking about on my own, not with a partner...). I enjoyed sex but never, ever had an O from it. I would fake or not, depending on the guys ego at the time and whether it felt warranted. These were all guys I was dating...knew it wasn't for the long haul. 
Sex was always enjoyable but I would usually take care of finishing the job myself at a later time, unbeknown to them.

It wasn't until I met my hubby that I had the desire to get off the vibrator and attempt to O with a live person. This was because I loved him, knew we would be together for a long time, and did not want to fake with him. He was also the most patient and least needy partner I ever had (needy as in needing self assurance that he was doing a good job, constantly asking if I like what he's doing, etc.) He was the first person I was able to let my haird down with to even try to learn. It took me a long time to learn how, and I had to completely ditch the vibrator to do it. It took a combination of getting off hormonal BC, gaining back the sensation lost from the vibrator, and a lot of patience and learning on his end (he was pretty inexperienced when we started dating). 

Now, hubby can make me O. I do still own a vibrator and use it solo once in a blue moon (they are more often used together). No matter what hubby does, the vibrator will always give a more intense finish. Part of it is mechanics, part of it is mental....it is much easier for me to completely relax and let go when alone, not worrying about someone elses pleasure. However I still crave HIM.

I watch porn too, and porn has always been an aid to fantasize about the real thing. There's nothing like the real thing. Even if he can't make me O as hard, I still want him, in a completely physical lust kind of way. (For me its not so much about emotional connection and all that.) I have thought about this a lot and its funny how the mind works. Must be biology, our deepest instincts right. If vibrators were 100% the replacement for men how would we continue the species?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Just because an orgasm is better/more powerful while masturbating doesn`t mean it`s preferable to sex.

I`m not a woman & not in the habit of using toys but I can get myself off much better than any woman ever could.

I still prefer sex with a partner as it adds so many different dimensions that a powerful orgasm itself can`t compete with.


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## longtimemarried (Apr 4, 2012)

I have used the Hitachi Magic Wand for years. It gives me stronger orgasms than I have had with a man. These orgasms help me sleep and relieve tension. I masturbate approximately three to four times a week. I rarely use porn. 

However I prefer to have sex. The orgasms might not be as strong but there are more of them. Also my orgasms during sex often take my breath away. They are more satisfying. As far as I'm concerned, masturbation is not sex. It's like using a back scratcher to ease an itching back. It gets the job done but it's an inanimate object therefore there is no lingering warm memory. I would never be satisfied with masturbation alone. Sex is interactive. Much of the pleasure derives from being desired and pleasuring my partner. It also leaves a warm connected feeling to another person especially when I already have feelings for that person. 

Sometimes women say they are vibrator dependent or are satisfied only through the use of a vibrator. I've been using mine for 22 years. I am not dependent on it. I easily orgasm during sex and have multiple orgasms if given the chance. I will choose partner sex over the vibrator anytime. Perhaps some women do not desire an emotional connection or have not yet discovered how to orgasm during sex. I don't know but I know for me, the vibrator is merely a means to relaxation when I'm being denied regular sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

They're are both different experiences. In my opinion there is nothing like a man inside you. Though sometimes I prefer masturbation because I can ccontrol everything and it feels amazing the entire time..where as in sex some positions lack..where others are mind blowing. In reference to toys...they are great..and I've incorporated a vibrator on my clit while penetration...its the best of both worlds. My personal favorite toy is called the "we vibe". Its weird looking but the vibrations stimulate both partners and the feeling is pretty intense. 

They say no man can vibrate....but it is also said that no toy can feel like a man.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I have long suspected what you many of you are saying to be the truth IE that it can't cuddle, look you in the eyes "... but, man it get get you there". I ask this because my wife has been shy to use with me. I also think that this applies to her. 

So would incorporating a vibrator to penetrative sex somehow take away the majic for any of you? I think my wife is concerned how i might feel if she were to get used to incorporating this to our routine. i would be fine with it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I never cared for toys - I also find masterbation hollow in comparison to my husband... .. though if you want it , you want it -so I have masterbated a # of times while he was sleeping in the past, feeling I shouldn't wake him up. 

I bought my 1st dildo and vibrator 3 yrs ago, only cause he couldn't keep up with my lust at the time, but still I found them far less enjoyable...The vibrator did nothing for me at all, couldn't even get off on that... the Dildo was better... but a peice of rubber, I just found it sad somehow. I think I only used it like 3 times... I was thrilled when he  , not wanting me to even use them.... insisted I use him instead...he'd happily pop a viagra if he had too. 

I need and crave the emotional connection with him... This just satisfies the soul -for me. There is ZERO comparison...Orgasms with him have always come very easy to me.. He aims for us to "cum together" every time... Nothing more exhilerating than that...emotionally and physically.


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## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

This is a great thread and bring up some interesting points. I agree with others on many levels. I vibe gets me there quick and powerful. I can also control the intensity. My longtime girlfriend (strickly platonic by the way) bought me a rabbit gizmo a couple of years ago. It allows for insertion and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. It has the girth and soft feel close to that of a man. I have to say I had to get used to the idea or actually inserting it in me. I mean rubbing my clit with a battery operated toy was one thing but, sticking a fake D*(#$ in me somehow gave me a creepy feeling. Perhaps catholic guilt. I have found that climaxing with something in me intensifies the feeling as it gives me something for me to grip when my kegals contract. (PS doing Kegals is great for intensifying “O’s” by the way. I still find solo acts leaving me empty from an emotional standpoint. Still, from a purely physical standpoint it is incredible. I mean i practically see stars i come so hard plus, i can increase/decrease the intensity by adjusting the pressure or placement of the thing or change the speed etc. depending on if where i am (preclimax vs post climax etc). I think the only reason I can't really enjoy it more is because I am kind or self-conscience about it. Funny because I totally consider myself modern, liberated etc. Plus, a big part of sex for me is pleasing my H and keeping him satisfied and I truly believe and undersexed man is one that is more likely to stray regardless of the love he may have for his wife (a thought for another thread perhaps). 

I would love to try using a vibe durring penetration or other partnered activities. I know some of you have done this. I am concerned I may wake up the neighborhood LOL. I guess I also wonder how my H will react. I am highly orgasmic and I have only really used my toy with my H for a warm up. After a couple minutes I usually invite him in..... How have other women introduced this practice into the bedroom? My H is pretty confident in his skills and don't think this would make him feel inadequate in any way but, not sure


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

waiwera said:


> The stimulation doesn't change or stop unless I want it to. It doesn't take a breather or stop at the crucial moment to ask me if it feels good!!
> It doesn't expect me to do anything... I don't have to dress up or suck my tummy in. Infact I don't have to suck anything belonging to it either... it's all about MMMEEEEEEEE


:iagree: 

But I've always practiced self-pleasure without toys (that's what I have fingers for!) and have never used porn, I have an imagination that is better than any porn movie. I'm not very visual anyway, I rarely even watch TV.

It still doesn't compare to partnered sex, that just adds wonderful new dimensions.


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## CWOG (Jun 11, 2012)

kag123 said:


> Ok I will "man up" and share a personal story here:
> 
> I learned how to O with a vibrator. It took me many years to O at all (talking about on my own, not with a partner...). I enjoyed sex but never, ever had an O from it. I would fake or not, depending on the guys ego at the time and whether it felt warranted. These were all guys I was dating...knew it wasn't for the long haul.
> Sex was always enjoyable but I would usually take care of finishing the job myself at a later time, unbeknown to them.
> ...




Strange, I was this way at first... where I would not have an O with anyone and would finish the job later. Faked it because I didn't want them to feel bad. I'm thinking a past experience when I was a young girl likely had me uncomfortable with having sex.  I had an O one time in my first husband. I guess it was an emotional thing. I no longer felt an attraction to him. So I was never really into it. I had this FWB partner that went for two years or so and never had an O with him. I always faked it. smh... He bought me this vibrator as a gift one time. I don't know why. Lol. But it was too little. It was sort of a bullet that vibrates. I used it 3 times since I had it and never used it again. However, I have had O several of times with just self play without the bullet or vibrator and had a stronger O than I had before with current husband. But since we were at it quite a bit, I never felt the need to take care business on my own. He was doing a well enough job in two ways..  I prefer my husband than me by myself.


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## CWOG (Jun 11, 2012)

Oh, and I don't watch porn but I have watch a video with my husband before.


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