# To BS who's WS had a long term affair...



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

A recent thread about signs missed got me wondering. My wife had a two year PA (13 month R so far). I'm curious about others who's spouse had a long term affair - 1 year or longer. Now that you look back.

1)What clear signs did you miss/ignore?

2)How did you catch them?

Mine:

1) - Facebooking and computer use early in the morning/late at night
- Frequent GNO
- Frequent and extended shopping trips on the weekend

2) - Saw texts on her cell phone - got trickle truth - removed head from arse, then recovered AP's deleted e-mails on her computer.

How stupid did I feel? Very. Funny how I trusted so completely and how things are now so different.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

1) He said she was just a 'friend'.
2)Phone bill


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## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

Signs that I missed/ignored included:
-working late two or three nights a week and working Saturdays
-suddenly receiving work texts very late
-sending me and our kids on vacation without him because of work
-staying up after I went to bed

He started his own business around the same time the A started, so it was easy for me to believe that he was working.

I got suspicious a few months before I caught him, then one day I had an overwhelming urge to check his work lap top. He had just called to tell me he was working late for the third Friday night in a row. I found a secret e-mail account with the user name "itscomplicated". He hadn't deleted his sent e-mails to the OW.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Password protection of phone. Frequently changing passwords.


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## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I started having dreams where he was cheating on me. 

Maybe it was my subconscious screaming at me to get a clue...


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

She could not look me in the eye. She started to dress alot better for work. I had a gut feeling. She would giv me verbal barbs or just start a fight so she could go out alone.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Staying out late was the main thing when she hadn't ever done so before. Changed her phone contract. I had a gut feeling too as I thought she had been obsessed with the OM for several years before the PA started.

I found out because she told me a little (that they had kissed) and I figured the rest out; gave up dragging it out of her after a few months but I know pretty much everything except: Why?

We might make it yet, but the divorce petition is arriving from the court any day so we might not too...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You know alot of it had to do with not giving a damb about my wife. If you don't care, then why bother looking..right.

I mean in my case it wasn't a LTA with one individual, but 13 years of adultorus behavior with different man, sure there was a few in rotation, but for the most part it was 1-6 week affairs with a bunch of ONS in between.

Her 1st one (13 years from '10) was some what of a confrontation/d-day but was swept under the rug. From then I just didn't care and went about by life. I guess I can best descrip it as friends with benifit rather then a marriage.

Any way almost 3 years ago I didn't like my life and started to make changes for my self. By this time my fWW was leaving in the middle of the night ( going to bed together, me waking up in the middle of the night with her gone, and waking up back together again) spending weekend away only to return Monday morning.

After 13 year of snowballing behavior from GNO coming home late to not coming home at all. It had got to a point were I didn't even care anymore,(I got to do what I wanted) never asked and just....went blank with the marriage.

3 years ago something just snapped and I finally confronted her. For some reason I deside to give a damb and look, hell in a way it was easy to find actually.

So in my case it wasn't so much missing signs, it was more like not caring about the signs....as long as I got what I wanted and did what I wanted she could have and did what ever she wanted.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I still can't figure out why I confronted her on that day!

And yes I feel stupid..not for seeing the signs, but ignoring them and not caring about the signs.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

BrokenHeartedBelle said:


> Oh, and I forgot to mention that I started having dreams where he was cheating on me.
> 
> Maybe it was my subconscious screaming at me to get a clue...


No no no no... my xWF had several dreams where I hadcheated on her. Why? Because it was clearly something that, was, on her mind, I guess. it sure as heck was not because of any thing i actually did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Sex life dropped off noticeably
Passwords on phone and computer
Much more time on line...fakebook.
More GNOs...staying out later.
Less eye contact and holding hands...much less physical contact.
Less communication.
Staying up late on computer.
Dressing more provocative
More shopping-spending...clothes.
3 hour groceries shopping trips
Gasoline use and mileage went up
Generally disconnected from family.
New friends that I wasn't introduced to
Cell/text usage went up...way up.
New hair style and attention to makeup
Started exercising more.
Secretive about whereabouts during contact
She would become annoyed easily with me.
Household responsibilities dropped way off.
ecame more forgetful in general
A noticable distancing from her family.
Much more waxing...trimming...shaving....not for me.

....just off the top of my head


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## Surprisesinlife (Nov 9, 2012)

New friends from work
Started manscaping
Grouchy on the weekends especially Sundays
Lost 95 pounds
Started dressing better


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Phone was glued to her
F--kBook all night long
Sex vanished
Argued about everything, even where I put the trash can???
Email was protected 
Shopping trips "alone"
Grooming her private areas, not for me to see

Busted by her FB at all hours of the night, my grown daughter noticed who was online with her and called me. Emails had all the proof I needed.


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## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT? (Sep 28, 2012)

My wife's affair was "only" about 4 and a half months, but I am going to be a rebel and weigh in any way! 

After the initial betrayal at a conference with the OM, she came home and seemed off. Distant, avoiding eye contact, etc. 

Over the coming months though the list of red flags grew:

Lost weight, working out more etc
Buying new, sexy underwear
More new clothes, dressing a little sexier in general
More after hours work events, dinners, team social events etc
Increased alcohol consumption
Drastically increased level of sexual desire at home
Always seemed irritated with me and our kids, like it was all she could do to be in the same room at times. Constantly bickering and searching for a fight, over the smallest and dumbest things.

Caught the occasional undeleted text to OM, but never a smoking gun. Finally found an email exchange that spelled things out in more detail and gave me the ammo needed for full confrontation. 

Always amazes me that I didn't put all the red flags together better until d-Day. I mean come on man!!!! I think that on a certain level, I knew something was going on for at least the last 2 months or so. But just couldn't accept that my wife would do that. I mean not MY wife, right??? Denial is an incredibly powerful emotion.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

3 yr LTA-
I confronted w/o evidence 6 months in. I was an idiot- didn't know how to confirm. Kept getting gaslighted- in MC as well.

In my case- they travelled for work together about once/month although went several 6-8 month patches w/o seeing each other. Almost impossible to catch. used IM on blackberry - erased after each IM

signs-
no sex
on phone all the time
caught a few email that were suspicious (used code)
boob job
changed the way she dressed.
all the classic signs.

I can tell you- my WW was a high moral person before all this. We were active in our church, she taught sunday school. None of that matters I know now. At the time, it made it hard to believe the signs.

Caught her;
VAR in her car. took 2 days. This website. If only I had found this place 3 years earlier


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

phone surgically attached to hand
phone passworded
very emotionally distant, constantly picking fights over small things
no sex

the scary thing for me is that this happened 2x, 3 years apart. The first time I knew we were in a super bad place and I had begged him for months to tell me the truth (he vehemently denied he was in an affair).

I was just naive, I didn't know anything about the magnetic draw of affairs, it never occurred to me he was right back in the thick of things

but unfortunately I found out both times by pure luck
--first time, secret email account open on our home computer
--second time, he texted me thinking I was her.

The fact that he could hide it so incredibly well is still disturbing. So no, I don't really feel like a fool in that sense.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Phone would go to the bathroom with her. 
More concern about grooming
I did not check the phone bills but text messaging went way up
less sex and contact with me
did not care about the house

The grooming should have been the big tip off but I was just blind


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

1) as per everyone else:
phone surgically attached to person at all times
phone in bathroom for morning shower
missing blocks of time during day (she is SAHM)
waxing often
picking fights over the most trivial of things (come to find out when she and OM would have a fight she would come home and take it out on ME wtf how phucked up is that)
no kissing or hand holding
more "prep time" before leaving house
she wouldnt kiss me goodbye in the morning before leaving for the "gym" (most of their encounters were in the morning before/after/when she was supposed to be at the gym). this one REALLY stuck out for me. i questioned myself about it a lot waaay before i knew anything. moral: listen to your gut.
locked computer.
locked phone.
different email password/resistant to giving me password.
cell usage was through the roof. as one person posted, i never checked.
i did last week and checked one of the months before they went to "text free" app and saw that she had 2,000 texts to/from him in one month. TWO THOUSAND. in the same month, i had 450 or so to/from her. that really made me trigger, and as a matter of fact i want to put my fist through this computer screen thinking about it.
i wonder why i never thought to look at cell phone usage history online.
OH YEAH, because i trusted my wife. thats why.
other than that, pretty much wanting to be anywhere except with me.

2) i was informed by one of my family members, who's friend was a friend of OM.
of course i didnt get the truth. "one time" then "seven times" then "we stopped last july" blah blah blah.
three months into our FIRST false R i had a gut feeling and actually WENT with it, hacked iphone backup and found deleted texts from last november detailing meetings and some sick sh!t lemme tell ya nothing you want to read your wife sending another man i promise.
then two months into our SECOND false R i had a gut feeling (which, you guessed it, i NEVER ignore anyomore), looked through her email (she had given me password) and happened across one from yahoo telling her her password had changed on ANOTHER account (whoops bet she thought she had deleted it). so i tried signing into that account, no dice. so i reset her password, sent the new one to her everyday email address i had the password for, and LO AND FKN BEHOLD there was all two months of their correspondence.
at that point, i blew my fkn top. though, luckily, i didnt make any choice that sent me to jail for a long time, or make POSOM's kids into orphans. but i was reeeeeeeeeal close.
i wish i had handled it a bit differently, becuase it would have been a better memory. just changing the password and not saying anything and watching things unfold like that, as she slowly grasped the truth. but subtlety has never suited me.
ah well.
im going to go hit something now.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

the guy said:


> I still can't figure out why I confronted her on that day!
> 
> And yes I feel stupid..not for seeing the signs, but ignoring them and not caring about the signs.


The Guy, I hear ya. In my case, I was often happy to have her out of the house or on her computer so I could be left in peace and do my own thing at home. But I always thought that she was socializing with her girlfriends. Never gave it a thought, until she started spending too many weekend nights out late. Even then, I didn't suspect that she was cheating; just disrespecting me as a husband. 

And I would never have suspected she would cheat with her best friend's husband. She was so close to this friend I was more shocked about that than her cheating on me.

Quite a life lesson.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

badmemory said:


> A recent thread about signs missed got me wondering. My wife had a two year PA (13 month R so far). I'm curious about others who's spouse had a long term affair - 1 year or longer. Now that you look back.
> 
> 1)What clear signs did you miss/ignore?
> 
> 2)How did you catch them?


After being caught the first time, seeing a prostitute regularly, I became incredibly stealthy. 

The second affair went on for years, because I was careful to do none of the things mentioned here. 

I acted completely normal and attentive to my wife. She thought we were in a good reconciliation. She even commented that i treated her better than pre prostituted days. 

She only found out because she was told. 

Sadly the fact that she reconciled the first time made me feel as if she would not leave me if a second time did come to light. 

She did leave though. She was devastated by my straying, and I am devastated about loosing her over shallow relations with other women.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

badmemory said:


> *In my case, I was often happy to have her out of the house or on her computer so I could be left in peace and do my own thing at home. But I always thought that she was socializing with her girlfriends.* *Never gave it a thought, until she started spending too many weekend nights out late. Even then, I didn't suspect that she was cheating;* just disrespecting me as a husband.
> 
> And I would never have suspected she would cheat with her best friend's husband. She was so close to this friend I was more shocked about that than her cheating on me.
> 
> Quite a life lesson.


*Same here, badmemory! It seems that you wrote the story for my skanky XW. Up all night on FB, presumably with her out-of the area or out-of-state collegiate GF's. She comes to bed at 3-4AM, sleeps till noon leaving the ranch work largely to me! I worked out there, came home, cleaned up, and was summarily sent off to the local country club to go hit golf balls with the other old geezers out there! By the time I came home from golfing, she was already busy FB'ing again with a continuous drink in her hand, after having maybe done some summary yard work. I usually went to bed around 10-11PM, and left her to her electronic toys(PC/Cell Phone) in our formal study, almost always with it's transom doors drawn tightly closed! Occasionally, she would come to bed at 3-4AM, wake me up and roll my ashes real good, making me think that I was the luckiest guy in all of the world! 

I just kind of haphazardly thought that this was maybe what marrying into wealth was going to be like. But I never have the first damn clue as to what she was actually doing until damned near a year following our "trial separation."

Now as far as the first Mrs. Arb was concerned, she was a serious corporate climber who became sweet on a company VP who had promised her the moon! The raising of our sons fell on my shoulders, then the precursory lack of sex and closeness, secret cell phone calls, texts on her beeper, going to work in the dark of the AM, and coming home late at night, working all day on Saturday and Sunday; obviously and liberally grooming her groin totally cleaned, obviously for someone else's benefit other than my own; purchasing flashy new clothes and provocative panties never worn at home; always pushing me to take the kids to travel upstate to see my parents nearly every other weekend; and a violent temper toward me and my young son's that borderlined "bi-polarity."

XW No. 1's infidelity was rather easy to assess. My rich, skanky XW No. 2 was more clandestine and was next to impossible in even figuring out!

But then again, maybe I was just too much in love with her and too damn trusting of her to think otherwise!
*


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

badmemory said:


> .. I was often happy to have her out of the house or on her computer so I could be left in peace and do my own thing at home.
> 
> Quite a life lesson.


Same…

Something that is hard. You can look back and now see a ton of redflags. It is hard to forgive yourself for ignoring, downplaying, and making excuses for why you didn’t. Just recognize… You can’t change that past and are going to have to forgive yourself. Part of that was accepting and digging deep inside to figure out why I did. When I finished, the basic summary is that I acted and treated her as though she was trustworthy. I did it completely on my faith in her and who I believed her to be. I was wrong, but I did make that choice to trust for all the right reasons. So I forgave myself for being stupid, in love, and trying very hard to respect my wife and consider her side of why she was doing what she was doing as valid.

Will I do that again? Nope. I now have a lot of reasons, memories and experiences to distrust what she says is the truth. So I follow my gut.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

You know I almost caught him a year before I did catch him.

It was a phone bill with an American number on it (frequently on it). His lie was that it was his dad (who lives in the states) and it didn't click that the area code was not from New Mexico but from Washington.

Other signs I ignored were late nights (literally up until 4 or 5 am), multiple fb profiles (his claim was to pad things like Yoville and other games). Weird behaviors like side glancing me while on the computer when I was in the same room... little behaviors like that.

Want to know what ultimately made me go searching. Me walking into the room and him quickly closing a yahoo chat window with the most guilty look on his face.

Only took me a day to find everything (I have a computer background degree). Shizz hit the fan hard after that...


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

The om was careless, his wife caught on, snooped and gathered evidence...called me and gave me the evidence...

my ex left no clues...
they didnt text, email, she didnt go out much...there were no clues and it turned out she had pa's and ons's with 4-5 men during the last 5 years of our marriage, a couple were long term

she did this with coworkers and the sex was always on work time, work property...in parking lot before or after, in offices or conferance rooms...they communicated through work email only and she never accessed this at home...she left no clues
scary i might never have found out


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

missthelove2013 said:


> The om was careless, his wife caught on, snooped and gathered evidence...called me and gave me the evidence...
> 
> my ex left no clues...
> they didnt text, email, she didnt go out much...there were no clues and it turned out she had pa's and ons's with 4-5 men during the last 5 years of our marriage, a couple were long term
> ...


MTL, if I remember you initial thread correctly, I believe you mentioned that there was a lack of sex between you and your ex for a couple of years ? 

Also, I thought you said that after(?) D-day it came out your ex had been abused as a kid ?

Looking back with 20/20 hindsight, do you think this was a red flag ?

(if I have you confused with another poster then please disregard)


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

missthelove2013 said:


> The *om was careless*, his wife caught on, snooped and gathered evidence...called me and gave me the evidence...


So was her POSOM. Had I bothered at all to pull my head out of my arse, I could have nailed her a lot sooner.

But what still boils my blood, is that the POSOM's wife found out they'd been texting and calling two months before I did. She is so clueless, that she barely slowed him down. She told me nothing. She was more loyal to her best friend who had an A with her husband than me. I detest her no less than her husband.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

missthelove2013 said:


> The om was careless, his wife caught on, snooped and gathered evidence...called me and gave me the evidence...
> 
> my ex left no clues...
> they didnt text, email, she didnt go out much...there were no clues and it turned out she had pa's and ons's with 4-5 men during the last 5 years of our marriage, a couple were long term
> ...


*Missthelove: I sincerely hope and pray that you, at least, got checked out for the presence of STD's! Or had this all transpired when she had already sexually "shut your water off?"
*


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

I let dozens of red flags flutter all around me ....because I like many here believed ,Your wife would have an affair ...but not mine.

Her phone became her life....sex dwindled to nothing...promotion to be oms executive asst....spoke of him (looking back) way too much in conversations....lost weight (he bought her a gym membership) so the could meet up.....new clothes (him)...list could go on but im sure every BS has seen much of this.

My DDAY after so many lies was her phone ....i found pics of her and him ( no doubt of affair then) most (looked like) taken by a third party.

so sorry then....but not so much for the deceit and lies.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Badkarma wrote:


> When i told the BW of the affair (about 3 months after DDay)...the OM came to my office and showed me 12-15 pics (on his phone) of my wife doing sex acts that we so offbase for me she wouldnt talk about them.....His wife since divorced him as well....I did not let my anger go toward because we as BH's want to beat the man to a freakin pulp....But it was my wife of 22 years who CHOSE to become ***** and break our marriage vows....again still have trouble understanding the events that she let herself do really sick S^&T.


Maybe it would be therapeutic for you to start a thread on your experience.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

barbados said:


> MTL, if I remember you initial thread correctly, I believe you mentioned that there was a lack of sex between you and your ex for a couple of years ?
> 
> Also, I thought you said that after(?) D-day it came out your ex had been abused as a kid ?
> 
> ...


There was a 2+ year period of almost no sex...then all of a sudden, she was on me every day, sometimes twice a day for a few weeks...then the posom's wife spilled the beans

she WAS abused, and she had flashbacks, but they went away with counseling...I honestly thought she had made peace with it



badmemory said:


> So was her POSOM. Had I bothered at all to pull my head out of my arse, I could have nailed her a lot sooner.
> 
> But what still boils my blood, is that the POSOM's wife found out they'd been texting and calling two months before I did. She is so clueless, that she barely slowed him down. She told me nothing. She was more loyal to her best friend who had an A with her husband than me. I detest her no less than her husband.


hindsight truly is 20/20...cant beat ourselves up for it...its called TRUST!!!!



arbitrator said:


> *Missthelove: I sincerely hope and pray that you, at least, got checked out for the presence of STD's! Or had this all transpired when she had already sexually "shut your water off?"
> *


I did get checked out and NO std's...wasnt really worried about it

I wonder how many here have actually caught something from a ws? EVERY thread in cwi is filled with the advice "get checked for std's" but Ive never once read of someone catching them?

If ws were sleeping with prostitutes or strippers, then yeah I would worry...when I was single I was a *****...if it was warm and had boobs, I was on it...and I NEVER caught a disease...wasnt careful either...not proud, just young and stupid...no pregnancy scares wither


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## NJJeff (Feb 10, 2016)

Loss of sex stated always sick or tired
Worked from home but had to attend Friday meetings
Started getting dressed up and always in dresses
Always home at the end of the day on time never went out with the girls

Found out she was carrying on with a married co-worker in the car in a park. No one came into the office on Friday's so no one noticed. I had the car GPS but it never moved, turned out they were in his car. Dresses were for obvious reasons for carrying on in a car. When confronted admitted that this had been going on for 9 years.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NJJeff said:


> Loss of sex stated always sick or tired
> Worked from home but had to attend Friday meetings
> Started getting dressed up and always in dresses
> Always home at the end of the day on time never went out with the girls
> ...


Wow.

Same guy or multiple guys for 9 years?

Did you reconcile or divorce?

Just curious.

(Zombie thread, BTW)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NJJeff said:


> Loss of sex stated always sick or tired
> Worked from home but had to attend Friday meetings
> Started getting dressed up and always in dresses
> Always home at the end of the day on time never went out with the girls
> ...



I'm so sorry you are here..you should start a new thread and tell your story. You will find a lot of support here.


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Zombie or not- an interesting read

FWIW heres what red flags my H should have seen but didn't. When I recently disclosed (25 years later) he said he had no idea. 

More alcohol (helps with guilt)
Started smoking again (thought I was single and a rebellious teen)

More nights out with staff, girlfriends, stayed late at work
More staff parties that didn't include spouses

Lost a bit of weight
Cut my hair, spent a bit more money on clothes

A letter from OM in my purse (there was nothing inappropriate so he dismissed it)
Frequent mention of OM's name, opinions, humour
I asked him if he ever thought he would cheat-what if someone perfect threw themselves at you…he said he didn't think so

NO mention of OM after it went physical
Stopped talking to H about day to day stuff (didn't need to as it was all shared with OM)
Sex remained the same (OM and I did not have sex) 
I stopped kissing H after I had started kissing OM*****************this was a very significant change

H says he can't understand why/how he missed it. 
I can…..and I do NOT mean that excuses what I did-I mention it only in that it made it easier for me to carry on an A - or maybe this is part of rewriting the marital history
H was happy to have me out of the house so he could do his own thing
H was relieved that I stopped talking about my day as he didn't want to listen to it anyway (I talk a lot )
H didn't want to go to the staff parties anyways-he didn't stay home for the ones that were in our own home
If I was out 2-3 times a week till 1-2:00am I couldn't complain about him being out doing the same

Maybe he was having an A back then and I missed it….Ok now I'm wondering…fvck


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

For husbands EA:

Sudden passcode on phone

Late night (2-3 AM) text messages - husband does get the occasional late, late night text but these were coming every single night. I'm a light sleeper and we have a wood bed frame, H would come to bed around 2AM, put his phone on the back of the bed. This would wake me up and inevitably every night as I would drift off back to sleep, I would hear his phone vibrate twice (signaling a text had just delivered)

iPhone has a function where it will display the text sender and the text message on the home screen when one arrives. Alternately, you can change it to just show 'Text message from Bob' and you have to open the phone to get the text. Or, you can change it to just say 'New Text Message'. H changed his to just say 'New Text Message' so even if he left his phone laying around and he got a text, that's all I would see. I couldn't see who it was from.

Increased cell phone usage in general, always having his phone on him, while he accused me of "never getting off my phone"

The worst part is? The big dummy worked for Verizon. He knows how all of that works, that every text is logged, and he knew I paid the cell phone bill and looked at it online. 

Of course, he still denies that it was anything but innocent, but 1500 messages in a month is not innocent.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

I'm not normally a zombie thread guy, but redundancy is something that I also try to avoid. I'm glad this one was resurrected.

My xWW's affair wasn't "long term". It was 4 months. The principle of signs missed is the same though. Signs I should have realized were more than what I saw:


She lost weight. She was smaller than she'd ever been since before she got pregnant with our first. It still irks me that she'd do that for him, the stranger who came to help destroy our marriage, and not for me.
She changed her FB password. Before this we had shared all of our passwords because I felt it was wrong to keep certain things private from your spouse. Privacy is far less important than the security of the marriage. Still, I thought I'd respect her wishes at the time and trust she wouldn't hurt me. This was one that I get most upset at myself for. I could have likely stopped it before it went full blown sexual, and I might have not given up on R as a result.
She would go "help" him a lot. He was a starving barber, who lived in his shop. He had no refrigerator, no proper bath/shower, no family or friends nearby to help, and no money. His wife had left him for reasons that deserve their own thread, and he was just so sad. This "help" was far more frequent than I thought, but I knew about some of it, and should have seen it for what it was. Later, during our failed R she would say how guilty she would feel walking out the door and seeing me sleeping there in bed. Innocent of all the sh!t she was involved in.
She would not let me inspect her phone. I really wasn't trying to get into it until D-Day, but I'd notice odd protective behaviors that kept me from getting onto it.
She was incredibly moody and even abusive to our children. They wouldn't have to do much to get yelled at, and then our daughter who has behavioral problems anyways, would just lose it emotionally. This part just breaks my heart. How I didn't see more was wrong at the time with this, I just don't know.

I'm sure I could come up with a litany of other reasons I should have known, but the point is the signs were there. I just chose not to put the puzzle together.

Another poster mentioned above how denial can be a powerful emotion, and they were right. My denial was epic, until the moment I decided to snoop deep into her emails that she thought she was deleting.

This whole experience has left me believing that beyond bathroom breaks there's no such thing as privacy in a marriage. What good does it do?


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