# Serial Cheater Signs



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I wrote this up in another thread. I thought it might be a good idea to post them for you all...If you see these signs in your S, then there is a good chance they are cheating again

*Serial cheater*: when cheating will in *stages* (remember it gets progressively worse)

1. Becoming overly excited about things/seems happier, almost gitty

2. Want more sex possibly (variable with each person)

3. Start missing your calls, texts and other forms of communication here and there

4. Don't allow you to see their phone, hides it, keeps it with him/her as much as possible

5. The tone of voice they speak will even change even in normal everyday conversation (hard to notice sometimes) 

6. Grooming hair (down there) 

7. Becoming agitated when questioned about communication issues and blame you for them

8. Wears cologne when he leaves the house (variable)

9. Leaves the house more often with whatever excuse will get them out.

10. Sex dwindles

11. Become regularly irritated and bothered by you over the smallest things 

12. Blames you for things you didn't even know were even issues

13. All of the sudden your with a totally different person you were with two months ago. 

If anyone has any other things to add to the list, or stories to tell about their serial cheater S, then feel free to leave your stories or input. The more the better


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> I wrote this up in another thread. I thought it might be a good idea to post them for you all...If you see these signs in your S, then there is a good chance they are cheating again
> 
> *Serial cheater*: when cheating will in *stages* (remember it gets progressively worse)
> 
> ...


Thanks for allowing me to add: 
14. Variable lunch times. 
15. Eating copious amounts of food, unlike before.
16. Jumbling statements, can't say things straight out - like: I am going to X, but to Y first. If you aren't listening carefully, you hear it in the order it was received.
17. Always out of energy, sleepy, drinking much coffee to stay awake, when at home. Say they are going to the doctor to find out why but never do.
18. Always the roving eye.
19. The "buffalo" stance (alpha, macho, bravo), especially when a good-looking woman is in the vicinity.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Calibre12 said:


> Thanks for allowing me to add:
> 14. Variable lunch times.
> 15. Eating copious amounts of food, unlike before.
> 16. Jumbling statements, can't say things straight out - like: I am going to X, but to Y first. If you aren't listening carefully, you hear it in the order it was received.
> ...


Very good points. My H does the buffalo stance a lot. Is your H a serial cheater?


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I think you can eliminate #8. I always use cologne but never cheated.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Dont know if its a universal sign, but when my AXW didnt want to engage me in any way (sex disapeared long ago by now). She would tell me that she is turning off her brain. She would even tell people in public that she has this ability. Especially when I was present. This was yet another way to disrespect me.


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Wanted to add another sign: taking a strong interest in dieting and working out. Generally, they become obsessive about this and are so focused on it, that it is a dead give away.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Now As for Good Ol' Arbitrator:*



somethingelse said:


> *Serial cheater*: when cheating will in *stages* (remember it gets progressively worse)
> 
> 1. Becoming overly excited about things/seems happier, almost gitty- *N/A*
> 
> ...


*And now my additions to the list:*

14. *Becomes a "night-owl," often staying up as late as 3 to 4 in the morning*.-*Later found a great amount of evidence indicating massive FB, cell-phone, and texting activity during those hours while I was sleeping*

15. *Often stays behind closed doors more*-* -obviously for uninterrupted access to PC, chat, FB, et. al., all while I was sleeping!*

16. *Greatly showing terror or surprise whenever having a door suddenly opened-up, where they are privately cloistered*- *I know that I literally scared the crap out of STBXW whenever I opened up my study doors to look in on her in the wee hours of the morning, to have her scream and instantly slam her laptop screen down!*

*But I was just too naive and trusting at the time to even begin thinking that she would look at anyone other than myself, not until I had already been some 10 months into her imposition of the "trial separation" process, where she had me moved out of town, in order to greatly give her the freedom that she so desired~ Oh my Lord, what an absolute fool that I must have been!*


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

In retrospect, the best sign that my serial cheater husband was starting another affair was him introducing me to a female friend he "knew I'd really like/enjoy meeting/hit it off with." Though I did not know it at the time, it turns out he had affairs/inappropriate flirtations with at least 3 of the women he met and introduced to our social circle that way.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Rowan said:


> In retrospect, the best sign that my serial cheater husband was starting another affair was him introducing me to a female friend he "knew I'd really like/enjoy meeting/hit it off with." Though I did not know it at the time, it turns out he had affairs/inappropriate flirtations with at least 3 of the women he met and introduced to our social circle that way.


This works the other way around also! Her wanting me to meet new male friends that she thought I would like to have as a friend.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

My wife cheated or looked to cheat 3 times before this final 4th affair. Those are the ones I know about. I honestly don't know if there are more. 

But for the 19 years we were married we made love / had sex 2 to 3 times a week excluding on time where she cut me off for 2 months. That of course raised red flags for me at that time. But beyond that she did act any different. She was a good liar.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Honestly... you can't use a list with a SA. Thing with SA's is that they are experienced cheaters and know how to hide stuff and lie and create alibi's.

So it is more of a gut thing. Where to look is time. They need opportunity and time.

And my wife at least; As her various relationships turned sour, so did her mood. Unexplainable rapid shifts in her demeanor. It's why at first I researched BPD because of those "over the top" reactions... it was really all the stuff in the background at work and I just happened to do something to set off the powder keg.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

toonaive said:


> This works the other way around also! Her wanting me to meet new male friends that she thought I would like to have as a friend.


Now to think of it, STBXW introduced me to Lil' Lord Lardass, some two years prior to my disenfranchisement from our domicile, all while he was merely "passing through town" and wanting to take a tour of our historical home!

I recall him coming into my study with her, shaking my hand while she conducted the tour. I was affable, congenial, friendly, and totally non-suspecting of anything, as he meant about as much to me as a pimple on my backside!

I really never saw or heard from him again, until STBXW's FB postings were made available to me, some three years later, post-separation! 

What a shocker!


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

somethingelse said:


> 4. Don't allow you to see their phone, hides it, keeps it with him/her as much as possible
> 
> 9. Leaves the house more often with whatever excuse will get them out.


I'm a guy .. and I know many married, serial cheaters. The only points I agree with are 4 and 9. I would also add the following ...

1) the man is good looking (attracts female attention)
2) the man is charming (this one is big)
3) has no problem making sexual innuendo

Yep, that's about all it takes.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

And mine was the opposite. She was insanely jealous and paranoid. Huge into snooping through my stuff. Part of her 'tactic' was isolation. It is necessary to conduct real gaslighting and setting up a co-dependant spouse in me; Setting herself up as 'the standards by which all shall be judged'. 

Look it up... cults & brainwashing work like that too by starting with isolating a person from any outside influences..


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

roostr said:


> I think you can eliminate #8. I always use cologne but never cheated.


Just put that in for men (or women) who don't usually wear cologne, but then start to...and I put variable


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

This is mostly a list that my H follows. He is a major serial cheater. All of these points go in sequence. It is not a list meant to picked at, it is tied in all together. They all must happen at around the same time frame to suspect someone of cheating


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I posted this in another thread of mine, I thought I would share my story very briefly with you all in a timeline from now to when me and my H met

Just recently I found my H on POF dating site scoping around. I played a persona on there, and he bit the bait, but ended up not following through

Before I left my H last year (I left for a couple of weeks and was planning on D) he had slept (supposedly) with 7 women who he met online, and he met up with God knows how many others, but didn't end up sleeping with them (supposedly). He was all over the place for a year and a half. 

Two years before that he slept with his exGF (who he has kid with) before our wedding, after our wedding. 

Six months before that he slept with my friend/co-worker for a couple of days who I let stay with us when she was having "boyfriend troubles". 

Two years before that he slept with another exGF when I had graduated from high school in the province I moved to so that I could live with him. 

A year before this (when we were dating), he "almost" slept with some girl he knew at the time. He was also hanging around another girl who he was going to coffee with while I was at work. I actually ended up telling her in front of her and her BF that if ANY woman was to come onto my BF, I would ground pound them. 

When I met my H, he lied to me and said that he was single, when really he had someone living with him the past 3 months as a "filler" until he found that special someone (me). 

There's a lot of in between stuff like him talking to girls on online gaming, getting random phone numbers I never found out who they were. One girl called him one day and asked if he still wanted to fool around with her as a joke. He didn't know who it was (go figure), so she hung up and never called again. 

When I was more like a doormat and he was more haughty about his behaviour, he used to tell me that he should have never let that girl get away. He wishes he could have remembered who she was that day. I caught him a few times trying to find her through email and such. I guess she was a real "catch." I think I'm a great catch too, but I guess it's just his second head talking. 
She knew we were together too. Most of these women have known he's married or taken. Doesn't matter to them though.


P.S. - I'm still with my H


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Mine all of a sudden was interested in waxing his back, buying all knew clothes, i knew in my gut then something was up. I even found out later, they had an office together for 6 months. But he claims they never had sex. Even when she was in bed with him at a hotel.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Can anyone link the red flags post? My android wont let me search for some reason. Thanks


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