# Meeting Ms. Right (for you)



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Men of TAM...you're single and wanting to meet the woman of your dreams. (Play along) You begin dating and before too long you think you've met her. In your happiest scenario (fantasy) how does it play out? What does she do that causes you to fall head over heels? Are there any very specific things you see this woman doing that you know would make you melt?

I'm not talking about how she looks or education level or financial status. I'm talking about connecting with another human being. What does she need to do to connect with you on an intimate level? Sexual content is welcome but I'm looking for input that goes deeper than that. What really touches you?


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Easy going personality......many common interests..........a bit of doting is always nice............doesn't want or need to get married.........self sufficient......my needs are not that complicated.........I honestly don't think that there is such a thing as "the one." There are many people who could float my boat. In fact, I think I actually would prefer it that way.......


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Thanks Betrayedone- 

I didn't mean the ONE, just someone who's right for you. You mention doting, that's the kind of info I'm looking for. So, just little things that make you feel special? Compliments, smiles upon meeting, that type of thing?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

No games. Let’s things go without bearing grudges.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Betrayedone said:


> Easy going personality......many common interests..........a bit of doting is always nice............doesn't want or need to get married.........self sufficient......my needs are not that complicated.........I honestly don't think that there is such a thing as "the one." There are many people who could float my boat. In fact, I think I actually would prefer it that way.......


And she also has many men in the same position in her life?


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

No nonsense, no gameplay, no BS. Serious. Real. Mature.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Makes me feel that I’m her priority when I’m with her. Puts away her phone for a few hours. Makes eye contact. Asks questions. Is not phony, stuck up or high maintenance. Cares about physical intimacy and sexual pleasure that’s mutual. Doesn’t put on an act in the beginning that tails off as she gets comfortable. Is not afraid to pick up the check once in a while. Has a strong family, but not a dominating one.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Communication


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

At a "chemistry" level: I"m happy when we are together. Things just sort of naturally click - we are interested in the same things, laugh at the same things. Flirting and physical touch just seem to work without awkwardness.

At a logical level: We want compatible things out of life: Jobs, family, etc. 

A bit further along, need to be on the same page WRT children.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My guy says he likes the fact that we laugh a lot and can chat about a number of common nerdy interests.

I'm sure the outstanding chemistry helps.....

Interestingly, I recently met one of his out of town family members and said family member remarked that I probably had to push to get my guy to talk because according to said family member my guy is quiet.

I replied that no, he talks plenty with me and I dont have to pull anything out of him. Family member remarked that he must be comfortable with me because he's always been quiet.

Ironically I too am very quiet unless I'm comfortable with you and have something to say.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

No gag reflex is a good start


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Likes most people.
Is happy most of the time.
Has intelligence.
Is capable of compromise and can admit when they are mistaken.
Enjoys nature, travel, talking on many subjects.
Makes an effort to not be biased.
Has energy, enjoys moderate exercise and outdoor activities.
Enjoys intimacy, hugging, hand holding.
Has few enemies.
Is honest.
Has 'some' appreciation for some of the arcane sciences.
Is pro America.

Oh, and loves wee people and huge Red Dogs.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Intelligent, sense of humour, sharing the same political views and principles, similar taste in music (if at all possible), affectionate, friendly, open and communicative... nice smile...


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Not said:


> Thanks Betrayedone-
> 
> I didn't mean the ONE, just someone who's right for you. You mention doting, that's the kind of info I'm looking for. So, just little things that make you feel special? Compliments, smiles upon meeting, that type of thing?


Exactly.....I never had any of that in my 24 year marriage. Now I get it all the time and it's very noticeable.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Cynthia said:


> And she also has many men in the same position in her life?


No, I would expect them to use all of the positions..........


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

RebuildingMe said:


> Makes me feel that I’m her priority when I’m with her. Puts away her phone for a few hours. Makes eye contact. Asks questions. Is not phony, stuck up or high maintenance. Cares about physical intimacy and sexual pleasure that’s mutual. Doesn’t put on an act in the beginning that tails off as she gets comfortable. Is not afraid to pick up the check once in a while. Has a strong family, but not a dominating one.


This is also what I’m looking for, so thank you for sharing that. It’s the things she does, the things that make you feel special that I’m looking for.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Cynthia said:


> And she also has many men in the same position in her life?





Betrayedone said:


> No, I would expect them to use all of the positions..........


:lol::rofl::rofl::lol::lol:


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Not said:


> Men of TAM...you're single and wanting to meet the woman of your dreams. (Play along) You begin dating and before too long you think you've met her. In your happiest scenario (fantasy) how does it play out? What does she do that causes you to fall head over heels? Are there any very specific things you see this woman doing that you know would make you melt?
> 
> I'm not talking about how she looks or education level or financial status. I'm talking about connecting with another human being. What does she need to do to connect with you on an intimate level? Sexual content is welcome but I'm looking for input that goes deeper than that. What really touches you?



Be good for my soul... 

That continuity that comes with every held hand, every eye glance, every trusted word.

Where presence alone shares confidence... I've got your back.

Conversations valued, a touch calming, a smile of confirmation... understanding that our scars are not things of ugliness but things that transformed our life into who we are today.

In laughter and tears... truthful and trusted knowing that there is no place we would rather be than right here, right now, and with her no matter where that place may be.

Yet in the calm resides a passion that allows love to connect and transforms spirit of the heart into spirit of bonded flesh, a love that gives freely without fear, and freely received without the same.

Needs met because of one simple shared experience from each of us... I know you.

And I choose you, I believe in you, I want you.

...and it shows that living it is the testament of my first statement here.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Be good for my soul...
> 
> That continuity that comes with every held hand, every eye glance, every trusted word.
> 
> ...


How romantic. I'm glad you two found this in each other. It's beautiful to watch. Merry Christmas to you Cindy, and your families. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Be good for my soul...
> 
> That continuity that comes with every held hand, every eye glance, every trusted word.
> 
> ...


Beautiful EB. I think the bolded is what I’ve been trying to express to myself as I think about meeting that special someone. How do I show him?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Cynthia said:


> How romantic. I'm glad you two found this in each other. It's beautiful to watch. Merry Christmas to you Cindy, and your families.


Merry Christmas to you and yours my friend... may peace and love surround you.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

@Not, the power of aligned words and actions show truth when not much else will.

One of the hard parts is living the patience in the possibility that our efforts might not be easily seen, not all are aware of the values that are offered or surround them. 

I choose you... this is the core of knowing why we commit to the one we deeply love and respect. These things are not offered well without trust. If we are aware, we will realize the foundation of our relationships are set in the patterns of our other choices in life, and if we understand our choices both trusted and untrusted, we can see the truth in all things. 

I believe in you... this is Namaste in it's best essence, loving another with clarity to say "I know you because I recognize the same good in you is in me and I'll do all in my power to honor that".

I want you... this is not done in anything but mindful desire, and mindful desire is powerfully satisfying. "I want you" is not about any one thing, it is the sum of all things, and it produces an incredible day, day after day. Incredible does not mean without challenge, incredible means that each day ends wanting the other in our life through the good, bad, or ugly.

So many of these start with loving and respecting ourselves with unwavering patience... be the love you want and the love you want will show itself.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> @Not, the power of aligned words and actions show truth when not much else will.


 This right here. Our words and actions should always speak the same thing. This truth has had a profound impact on my life.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I like a woman who is herself around others. It doesn't always make me want to be with her or marry her for life, though. When she and I click and we are being ourselves, it feels great. I have to look into it further. I really take our times together seriously. 

The attraction thing is pretty easy. Either I am attracted or not. I can't do anything about that.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Sincere, below the surface interest or understanding what I'm talking about. When I first met my wife, she fell for me very easily because I asked questions about things she was interested in. So, if she's on a diet, I discuss with her, what's her goals (very, very delicately ) what has she tried before, why is she trying out something different, etc. 

I'm not trying to impress her, I'm interested because I want her to be successful and if the more I know the more I may be able to help her. There's only one problem with this. I'm always thinking when she tells me challenges and sometimes she doesn't want help, she just wants me to listen. No problem. The point here is this is what I would recommend for anyone, in there quest to being Mr. or Ms. Right.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Not said:


> Men of TAM...you're single and wanting to meet the woman of your dreams. (Play along) You begin dating and before too long you think you've met her. In your happiest scenario (fantasy) how does it play out? What does she do that causes you to fall head over heels? Are there any very specific things you see this woman doing that you know would make you melt?
> 
> I'm not talking about how she looks or education level or financial status. I'm talking about connecting with another human being. What does she need to do to connect with you on an intimate level? Sexual content is welcome but I'm looking for input that goes deeper than that. What really touches you?


*Foremostly, her love of God as well as her empathy toward me, my loved ones, and those less fortunate in life than she purports to be!

But I cannot help but think that I'm truly skeptical and that I'll find her, or for that matter, that she'll ever find me, chiefly because of my trust issues in meeting available new women!

With my life's experiences, I can smell out arrogance and condescension in an instant! *


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

My reason for starting this thread is because I’m very quiet and don’t do well when it comes to expressing myself and I want to change that as far as relationships go. I know what it feels like to be woo’d by someone who’s very interested but I feel like I fall very short in that department. I don’t know that I ever made him feel as good as he made me feel and that bothers me. 

I’m looking forward to the next time I meet someone who’s as interested and I want to do better the next time around and that got me to wondering what it is a woman does that makes a man feel good, special and valued. I would really like to make the next one feel as special as he is to me. I feel like I fumble badly with that.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Not said:


> My reason for starting this thread is because I’m very quiet and don’t do well when it comes to expressing myself and I want to change that as far as relationships go. I know what it feels like to be woo’d by someone who’s very interested but I feel like I fall very short in that department. I don’t know that I ever made him feel as good as he made me feel and that bothers me.
> 
> I’m looking forward to the next time I meet someone who’s as interested and I want to do better the next time around and that got me to wondering what it is a woman does that makes a man feel good, special and valued. I would really like to make the next one feel as special as he is to me. I feel like I fumble badly with that.


I wouldn't worry too much about it. Your level of giving should happen automatically commensurate with your level of interest in your new person. It just is what it is. If it's not happening perhaps you should rethink if that relationship is really for you.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> No gag reflex is a good start


GROSS. Wow.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I'm still in the divorce process, but I would have to say honesty, a sense of humor, and no mind games.

If ya don't mind floating on a pontoon reading while I'm trolling the walleye dropoff, that's even better!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Not said:


> My reason for starting this thread is because I’m very quiet and don’t do well when it comes to expressing myself and I want to change that as far as relationships go. I know what it feels like to be woo’d by someone who’s very interested but I feel like I fall very short in that department. I don’t know that I ever made him feel as good as he made me feel and that bothers me.
> 
> I’m looking forward to the next time I meet someone who’s as interested and I want to do better the next time around and that got me to wondering what it is a woman does that makes a man feel good, special and valued. *I would really like to make the next one feel as special as he is to me.* I feel like I fumble badly with that.


This is the same type of frustration that men go thru. We want to make our woman feel special, but everyone of them is so dang different, it's a challenge to figure that out.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Not said:


> My reason for starting this thread is because I’m very quiet and don’t do well when it comes to expressing myself and I want to change that as far as relationships go. I know what it feels like to be woo’d by someone who’s very interested but I feel like I fall very short in that department. I don’t know that I ever made him feel as good as he made me feel and that bothers me.
> 
> I’m looking forward to the next time I meet someone who’s as interested and I want to do better the next time around and that got me to wondering what it is a woman does that makes a man feel good, special and valued. I would really like to make the next one feel as special as he is to me. I feel like I fumble badly with that.


Maybe you weren't ready to commit your full to your previous relationships. I think you can only give as much as you are ready to commit to.

Also, I think you have to be able to trust that your love will be reciprocated.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Not said:


> Men of TAM...you're single and wanting to meet the woman of your dreams.


You are correct; I am. 



> What does she do that causes you to fall head over heels? Are there any very specific things you see this woman doing that you know would make you melt?


She seems happy in her life. And she is able to talk about her life up to now in a way that makes sense; a coherent narrative; not a jumble of fragments that leaves me confused listening to it. When we have a date, she turns up on time, or a couple of minutes late to allow me to be there first. She has friends, and a job that she cares about (which could be volunteering). She has an interest: music, or art, or something aesthetic. Gardening even. Not painting tin soldiers or collecting beermats. She is not excessively made up; no fake eyelashes clinging to her face like spiders, and if she has tattoos or piercings, they don't look like a form of self-disfigurement. When we talk, I don't get the feeling that she's really addressing a fictitious version of me that she's invented in her own head, but rather that she actually sees who I am; and thereby I may learn about myself.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Well, knowing what it takes to make a particular man feel like you appreciate him is going to take time to get to know him. You would want to do whatever he finds appreciative, but you don't want to do something out of your comfort zone or boundaries. Knowing your boundaries and being able to hold to them is another great way to show a man who you are. 

Some guys like quiet women. Some don't. You don't want to change anyone's mind with actions you aren't comfortable with, but feel you need to do.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

attheend02 said:


> Maybe you weren't ready to commit your full to your previous relationships. I think you can only give as much as you are ready to commit to.
> 
> Also, I think you have to be able to trust that your love will be reciprocated.


I think there is some truth in what you say and that may have been part of the reason behind me fumbling. I know I could have done better but maybe just not with him.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

She has to be fun. Someone I can joke with...she gets it, wit, sarcasm, etc. She knows how to dress, shes loyal, shes outgoing, daring. She is sexually aggressive with me but not in a dominatrix sort of way. Shes not afraid to talk about what's on her mind, gutsy.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I have to say it 😊 :

Owns a fish camp on the river complete with tackle box store.
Likes to hunt.
Financially independent. 
Looks great to me in jeans or evening gown, able to comport herself in either environment. 

Or be the woman I love and married 35 yrs ago. 👍👍❤❤


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Not said:


> Men of TAM...you're single and wanting to meet the woman of your dreams. (Play along) You begin dating and before too long you think you've met her. In your happiest scenario (fantasy) how does it play out? What does she do that causes you to fall head over heels? Are there any very specific things you see this woman doing that you know would make you melt?
> 
> I'm not talking about how she looks or education level or financial status. I'm talking about connecting with another human being. What does she need to do to connect with you on an intimate level? Sexual content is welcome but I'm looking for input that goes deeper than that. What really touches you?


No word of a lie.

She came over to my place a few dates in. She saw I had a piece of Star Trek memorabilia in my kitchen. She picked it up, and said something like "cool, I love Star Trek."

I blurted out "I love you" on the spot without meaning to, or even realizing I did actually love her until I said it. She didn't return it until a week or two later if I recall. I apologized for it, and made out like I was joking, but both of us knew I wasn't.

Love is weird.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Honestly, I'm a mess and probably shouldn't even reply. But the thread was a fun read. 
First, I'm all used up and I don't think I could connect in a meaningful way with anyone anymore.
Second, I've already used up all of the luck the universe could hold for me. I think the odds of finding a good fit are near impossible.
Third, I have enough physical limitation that attraction is going to be difficult. (no, this isn't a pity party, it just is what is)

But not to point out a personal fault of someone, (after all I don't like to gag either) But while I can't actually imagine something that would ignite my affection. I'm pretty sure that the attitude that I imagine goes with this post would douse any flame I have left. Critical, judgemental, dismissive, those are big turn offs. I've had enough "No" for a lifetime and a half.



Livvie said:


> GROSS. Wow.


 Sorry Livvie 

Opposite would be understanding, accepting, interested. I guess A woman who filed for divorce against her LD sexless husband might be worth rethinking my status. 
@Not , I'm not sure this is in anyway helpful to you. But just saying it may help me.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

she just had a zest for life that I had never seen before. She’d tell humorous stories or ones about interesting people she knew and lots from her childhood- and always with a twinkle in her eye and grin on her face. She’d sit very straight and excitedly to talk and clearly always had a lot on her mind. She spoke of down to earth beautiful things like family, older relatives, babies, friends, humorous events...

It was clear by what she spoke about- she was a beautiful soul.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

When you’re together time seems to fly by. 

Something about her that gives you the strength to have patience and extend grace to her in rough spells. 

Caring for her enough to want to be a better person. 

When she has a bad day, takes it out on you and hurts you, she has the self awareness and ability to apologize. Not by saying she is sorry, but by recognizing where she was wrong. And for my part, having the patience to allow her to come to me to address the problem when she is ready and also having the ability myself to own my part of the conflict, then not guilting her in the process. 

Similar sense of humor. 

Finding something unique about her that you feel to be special. 

Similar sex drive is for sure a plus. 

Similarities on how the two of y’all are flowing through life. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Not said:


> My reason for starting this thread is because I’m very quiet and don’t do well when it comes to expressing myself and I want to change that as far as relationships go. I know what it feels like to be woo’d by someone who’s very interested but I feel like I fall very short in that department. I don’t know that I ever made him feel as good as he made me feel and that bothers me.
> 
> I’m looking forward to the next time I meet someone who’s as interested and I want to do better the next time around and that got me to wondering what it is a woman does that makes a man feel good, special and valued. I would really like to make the next one feel as special as he is to me. I feel like I fumble badly with that.


I am female and I hear what you are saying here but it is actually a good thing for us ladies to be careful and cautious about expressing and pouring our hearts to the men we are dating. I personally want to know how the man is feeling, where are his thoughts, what is he wanting. I will express myself in subtle ways to let him know my interest without scaring him away.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

AVR1962 said:


> I am female and I hear what you are saying here but it is actually a good thing for us ladies to be careful and cautious about expressing and pouring our hearts to the men we are dating. I personally want to know how the man is feeling, where are his thoughts, what is he wanting. I will express myself in subtle ways to let him know my interest without scaring him away.


I hear you on that. I’m very reserved in that way as well. 

He was very expressive and how he felt about me was made very clear. I don’t think I could have opened up with him in particular but my experience with him and watching how he was able to lay himself bare left me in awe, so to speak. I’ve never opened myself that way with anyone, yet. When the time comes I don’t want to fumble and freeze up and crawl under a rock because I’m afraid.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

JBTX said:


> When you’re together time seems to fly by.
> 
> Something about her that gives you the strength to have patience and extend grace to her in rough spells.
> 
> ...


Beautiful, thank you.


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