# Dealing with sexual boredom in long happy marriage (UPDATE)



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Most probably read or commented on my original post here

So a day before Father's day we had sex and after the sex overcoming some awkwardness I told my wife that I feel we never had open discussion about our sexual desires, fantasies. I asked straight if she feels our sex life feel a bit boring. She said "no" and I think I believe her. I read few topics on TAM and found there are women who are genuinely satisfied with their sex life even if it looks or feels routine. They feel sexual connection with their husbands, get orgasm, feel their partner also satisfied and they really do not feel nothing needs to change. If I feel our sex life is boring it is my responsibility to change it and she will be happy to go with me. I found courage and told her few things I want to try (her putting some sexy lingerer, not wearing panties when going out, doing 69, her masturbating for me, etc.). She put a big smile and softly responded "sure". Not wearing panties when going out was especially existing to her, she said she would be very happy to do this for me. I am really looking forward to experience this! She was even open to us going to a nude beach, she just said "let's not doing it in the US". Though I think the fantasy here might be more exciting that reality and if we ever get to "practical" stage of this fantasy we may not want to go forward with it. I read that nude beach public is rather not that attractive and the whole experience is not that really exciting.

This rather short talk reinforced the fact that my wife simply cannot verbalize her sexual desires (besides very short answers), and I accept her for who she is, I am not going to pry this out of her. I still need to find or look for signs if she likes certain experience or not. 

Next day was Father's Day and she put very sexy stockings, high heels and corset. This was amazing show and it turned us both on beyond words. I put her on her back on the edge of the bed we had amazing sex. I pulled out and came or her corset. She said that "like Monica" she would not wash it and keep it cum stained. It was very hot! I told her this was the best Father's Day's gift ever for me! 

We had sex this week almost every day and every time it was something special: either her putting on some other sexy dress or us doing something different. I also put sexy music in our bedroom which added nice touch too. 

One day I was so turned on that when I was coming I pulled it out and shot that far that it all landed on her face and hair. This was fantastic experience and apparently she was rather excited about this. I did not see any sign of disgust or displeasure. I told her how lucky and special I feel doing these "dirty things" with such an amazing, beautiful, sexy woman.

It is still not easy for me and both of us to talk freely about sexual fantasies, what we (actually I) want to try but I feel I was able to break the ice in the first step. I also feel more empowered to just try certain thing like coming on her without actually asking her. I still feel some reservations of doing something that she will find disgusting or just does not like and how to handle this situation especially since she won't give me any verbal response. 

I also realized that my wife may need a "push" or a "reminder" to do certain things I want. Otherwise she may no do them. It may not mean she does not like them or she does not care. It is just who she is and this won't change. One day she was waxing her legs and I asked her to do a "landing strip" for me. She did and I found this very exciting. But if I asked her few days before she might not have done this.

For me the sex is directly proportional to the level of excitement in my brain, I need something new to spice it. And this will need to come from me. my wife may follow me and it may even excite her as much as me but she won't suggest anything herself.

So my question is for couple in long tern marriage. Do you feel you sex life has become boring? What did you do (or plan to do) to change this boring routine and spice it up? I would like to get specific examples and suggestions. We are open to many things except bringing another person to our bed in any shape or form and this includes any web cam, exchanging pictures, etc. And I personally do not like BDSM or anything that degrades a woman, causes any pain, even in play. But besides that and if this includes only two of us I am open to anything and she might be too.

Finally, I am thankful I found this forum and shared my problem and concerns about our sex life here where I can be honest, open and explicit (and anonymous). This has always been a problem for me not being able to talk to anyone about my sexual concerns. This forum gave me the push I really needed. I appreciate everyone who responded.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Congrats it sounds like things are going well.

If you can post this "We had sex this week almost every day..." I think all your problems are solved.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Congrats it sounds like things are going well.
> 
> If you can post this "We had sex this week almost every day..." I think all your problems are solved.


Actually not. I would rather have amazing sex once a week than boring daily one... Though I would not mind having amazing exciting daily sex...


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Actually not. I would rather have amazing sex once a week than boring daily one... Though I would not mind having amazing exciting daily sex...


Well just keep in mind you could end up like me....its been three weeks since I have had ANY sex (bad or good) with my wife. So just always be thankful for what you have.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Well, you did what you needed to solve the problem -- YOU TALKED with your wife about it, found out that SHE doesn't just "go along" but is willing in all this.
So, how do you keep it going? KEEP TALKING with her about it. It will get easier over time.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> So my question is for couple in long tern marriage. Do you feel you sex life has become boring? What did you do (or plan to do) to change this boring routine and spice it up? I would like to get specific examples and suggestions. We are open to many things except bringing another person to our bed in any shape or form and this includes any web cam, exchanging pictures, etc. And I personally do not like BDSM or anything that degrades a woman, causes any pain, even in play. But besides that and if this includes only two of us I am open to anything and she might be too.


I hit on this in the last thread, so I won't go too in depth here. First I want to point out that several of the things you described doing would be claimed by others as degrading to your wife. So when it come to deciding if you are going to try something new, do not use someone else's standard of "degrading". Be willing to try it, and deciding for your self if it is or not. Now, if either of you feel strongly about a given act from the start, sure, avoid it. However, if you are merely hesitant because others have claimed it to be degrading, be at least willing to try to determine where you stand. You are always able to stop if things get uncomfortable.

Again I will stress that a great many things that get listed as BDSM are not centered around pain or degradation. For example, knife play. By its name, you might think that pain or even blood is involved. Not true. Or rather they could be if both involved want them, but they are not required of the play. All my knives are dulled, and when used never break skin. Part of that is of course my control on pressure. But the play ends up being about the sensations, and for some the illusion of risk, much like a rollercoaster thrill. In all my years of playing I only ever drew blood twice. Once was during a flogging and the woman had broken out in mild acne that opened up because of it, and the other was during PIV sex where I came all the way out accidentally and on the next in stroke hit above the opening just to the side of the clit.

I am going to once again suggest looking up play checklists online (I also have one available modified from several into something I prefer, available to anyone who asks) and each of you fill one out. There will probably be a lot of things that will be "oh hell no!", but you might find some ideas. Rope play can be very non painful and not degrading. I would suggest some classes or online tutorials. Two Knotty Boys have great videos that are not pornographic in nature.

Good luck with it all, and try to keep an open mind as far as what is claimed as painful or degrading.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> So my question is for couple in long tern marriage. Do you feel you sex life has become boring? What did you do (or plan to do) to change this boring routine and spice it up? I would like to get specific examples and suggestions. We are open to many things except bringing another person to our bed in any shape or form and this includes any web cam, exchanging pictures, etc. And I personally do not like BDSM or anything that degrades a woman, causes any pain, even in play. But besides that and if this includes only two of us I am open to anything and she might be too.
> 
> Finally, I am thankful I found this forum and shared my problem and concerns about our sex life here where I can be honest, open and explicit (and anonymous). This has always been a problem for me not being able to talk to anyone about my sexual concerns. This forum gave me the push I really needed. I appreciate everyone who responded.


Were you surprised by how open your wife was to the talk you started, and to your ideas?

If so, it proves that this was YOUR problem to solve - and she cares for you a great deal, is open to doing things that give you pleasure, and that add passion to your relationship. She is open to many things - - if YOU step up and initiate.


I've been in a similar situation, so let me offer some

WORDS OF WARNING 

Be sure not to get greedy and start hoping for HER to initiate or remember. It sounds like she is very responsive to you suggestions, and gets excited that you are leading with new ideas. Do not start complaining that she does not initiate; this is for you to do; enjoy this role in your marriage. 

Don't eliminate the 'regular' sex from your life entirely. Finding new things to do EVERY TIME will get old and frustrating in time. Also, she will need to be reminded that you still want to make love to HER, not just prepare a fantasy of yours. Give her this, she sounds very generous. 



I will add a few ideas later, mostly I just wanted to congratulate you and offer those words of warning for you to consider.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Very happy for you!


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> I hit on this in the last thread, so I won't go too in depth here. First I want to point out that several of the things you described doing would be claimed by others as degrading to your wife. So when it come to deciding if you are going to try something new, do not use someone else's standard of "degrading". Be willing to try it, and deciding for your self if it is or not. Now, if either of you feel strongly about a given act from the start, sure, avoid it. However, if you are merely hesitant because others have claimed it to be degrading, be at least willing to try to determine where you stand. You are always able to stop if things get uncomfortable.
> 
> Again I will stress that a great many things that get listed as BDSM are not centered around pain or degradation. For example, knife play. By its name, you might think that pain or even blood is involved. Not true. Or rather they could be if both involved want them, but they are not required of the play. All my knives are dulled, and when used never break skin. Part of that is of course my control on pressure. But the play ends up being about the sensations, and for some the illusion of risk, much like a rollercoaster thrill. In all my years of playing I only ever drew blood twice. Once was during a flogging and the woman had broken out in mild acne that opened up because of it, and the other was during PIV sex where I came all the way out accidentally and on the next in stroke hit above the opening just to the side of the clit.
> 
> ...


I totally get that "degrading" is highly personal. What's important to me is what I and my wife consider "degrading". For some coming on woman's face is very degrading and humiliating. but not for me. However for many including women BDSM is very playful and enjoyable. But I can't even think of putting handcuffs on my wife or using a knife anywhere around her, does not matter how dull it is...It makes me to throw up. I am pretty sure she would be terrified if I take a knife during any part of our sex interaction.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I totally get that "degrading" is highly personal. What's important to me is what I and my wife consider "degrading". For some coming on woman's face is very degrading and humiliating. but not for me. However for many including women BDSM is very playful and enjoyable. But I can't even think of putting handcuffs on my wife or using a knife anywhere around her, does not matter how dull it is...It makes me to throw up. I am pretty sure she would be terrified if I take a knife during any part of our sex interaction.


I can understand that. I just see too many time where there are preconceived notions on what a given play is about or involves, and people automatically labeling it "bad". BTW, you can achieve similar results without a knife by using the edge of a credit card. In the end, sensation is the name of the game. Knife play is just one possible aspect, with other possibilities thrown in. One of our fun game is seeing what everyday objects we can "pervert".


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well just keep in mind you could end up like me....its been three weeks since I have had ANY sex (bad or good) with my wife. So just always be thankful for what you have.


Although I really miss the intimate connection with my wife, I'm glad I don't have to go through all of that ever again.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> Although I really miss the intimate connection with my wife, I'm glad I don't have to go through all of that ever again.


Yeah it sucks.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Most probably read or commented on my original post here
> 
> So a day before Father's day we had sex and after the sex overcoming some awkwardness I told my wife that I feel we never had open discussion about our sexual desires, fantasies. I asked straight if she feels our sex life feel a bit boring. She said "no" and I think I believe her. I read few topics on TAM and found there are women who are genuinely satisfied with their sex life even if it looks or feels routine. They feel sexual connection with their husbands, get orgasm, feel their partner also satisfied and they really do not feel nothing needs to change. If I feel our sex life is boring it is my responsibility to change it and she will be happy to go with me. I found courage and told her few things I want to try (her putting some sexy lingerer, not wearing panties when going out, doing 69, her masturbating for me, etc.). She put a big smile and softly responded "sure". Not wearing panties when going out was especially existing to her, she said she would be very happy to do this for me. I am really looking forward to experience this! She was even open to us going to a nude beach, she just said "let's not doing it in the US". Though I think the fantasy here might be more exciting that reality and if we ever get to "practical" stage of this fantasy we may not want to go forward with it. I read that nude beach public is rather not that attractive and the whole experience is not that really exciting.
> 
> ...


Major kudos to you for starting the conversation and the fact that it turned out so positive. 

It seemed to work out for you, but in general it isn't a great idea to talk about what more you want from sex right after having sex. It can give the impression that you weren't happy with the sex you are having an could alienate your partner. Obviously it worked out for you this time, and every couple is going to be a little different, so you can't make firm rules about these things. It is just something to keep in mind. Also, as someone else mentioned, keep the pace reasonable. Don't get to where you are looking for something new each and every time. Enjoy the new stuff for a while, skip it for a while and bring it back, etc. 

As for suggestions. Something new we've brought into the mix lately is a blindfold. We have played a little with a blindfold in the past, but not much. We've been using it to play a game, making the blindfolded partner guess what is touching them. We use everything from feathers, to ice to sex toys. It slowly goes from gentle touching and builds to more and more sexual contact. It works great to build sexual tension. We haven't got there yet, but we are planning something similar, but instead of, or maybe in addition to touch, we are going to try guess the taste


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Major kudos to you for starting the conversation and the fact that it turned out so positive.
> 
> It seemed to work out for you, but in general it isn't a great idea to talk about what more you want from sex right after having sex. It can give the impression that you weren't happy with the sex you are having an could alienate your partner. Obviously it worked out for you this time, and every couple is going to be a little different, so you can't make firm rules about these things. It is just something to keep in mind. Also, as someone else mentioned, keep the pace reasonable. Don't get to where you are looking for something new each and every time. Enjoy the new stuff for a while, skip it for a while and bring it back, etc.
> 
> As for suggestions. Something new we've brought into the mix lately is a blindfold. We have played a little with a blindfold in the past, but not much. We've been using it to play a game, making the blindfolded partner guess what is touching them. We use everything from feathers, to ice to sex toys. It slowly goes from gentle touching and builds to more and more sexual contact. It works great to build sexual tension. We haven't got there yet, but we are planning something similar, but instead of, or maybe in addition to touch, we are going to try guess the taste


Jeez.

I'd have thought all this is in everyman's know to do and how to do well tool box already. 

So the real questions for experienced (and apparently fortunate) mankind is:

What things to do or try beyond the ordinary?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Not many success stories around here ..... I’m glad you beat the odds.
A great lesson for men that go off mad in the corner after their wife says they are fine with the current sex life. You came to the table even though you were uncomfortable.
Good Job !

I will PM you some things we have done in our long term success


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

CountryMike said:


> Jeez.
> 
> I'd have thought all this is in everyman's know to do and how to do well tool box already.
> 
> ...


Everyone explores at a different pace. 

What are your suggestions for something beyond the ordinary?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It seemed to work out for you, but in general it isn't a great idea to talk about what more you want from sex right after having sex. It can give the impression that you weren't happy with the sex you are having an could alienate your partner. Obviously it worked out for you this time,


 Be sure to read the above like 137 times and then read it again.

The end of an encounter is the time to touch, snuggle, and praise. Nothing more.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Actually not. I would rather have amazing sex once a week than boring daily one... Though I would not mind having amazing exciting daily sex...


That's easy to say when you have as much as you want. About as meaningful as Bezos spouting the merits of not having any money.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Major kudos to you for starting the conversation and the fact that it turned out so positive.


Thank you.



BigDaddyNY said:


> It seemed to work out for you, but in general it isn't a great idea to talk about what more you want from sex right after having sex. It can give the impression that you weren't happy with the sex you are having an could alienate your partner. Obviously it worked out for you this time, and every couple is going to be a little different, so you can't make firm rules about these things. It is just something to keep in mind.


Actually, I find it is easiest for me to open up about my fantasies and desires right after we orgasm. I do not feel it is interpreted as unsatisfaction, rather then carrying the moment.



BigDaddyNY said:


> As for suggestions. Something new we've brought into the mix lately is a blindfold. We have played a little with a blindfold in the past, but not much. We've been using it to play a game, making the blindfolded partner guess what is touching them. We use everything from feathers, to ice to sex toys. It slowly goes from gentle touching and builds to more and more sexual contact. It works great to build sexual tension. We haven't got there yet, but we are planning something similar, but instead of, or maybe in addition to touch, we are going to try guess the taste


Yes, actually gentle blindfolding with scarf or something similar look very appealing. I will certainly try it one day... I am pretty sure my wife will enjoy it. and guessing game sounds fun too.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Everyone explores at a different pace.
> 
> What are your suggestions for something beyond the ordinary?


In volume III of toys and oils for her along with right now we're in volume II of anal, and varieties in where I finish anywhere on her or in her.

Along with standard fare. We like to do adds, along with base routines we both like very much.

But I'm always thinking about what's next! This comes from being a traveling businessman for years, always thinking about what's waiting for me when I got home.

I would buy special toys and novelties on the road.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Quad73 said:


> Were you surprised by how open your wife was to the talk you started, and to your ideas?


I was rather surprised my wife showed excitement about not wearing panties. I was surprised she verbalized some excitement about something. I thought I will unlikely get more than "sure" or "yes" responses. Beyond this I was not very surprised. We are rather sexual people and rather sexually open minded people. We value sex a lot. Even in our sexual routine we have few activities beyond conservative missionary: oral from both sizes, me fingering her, BJ, doggy style. I very hope she reacted positively to my ideas and desires because she is truly excited about doing them with me, not just to make me happy. 




Quad73 said:


> If so, it proves that this was YOUR problem to solve - and she cares for you a great deal, is open to doing things that give you pleasure, and that add passion to your relationship. She is open to many things - - if YOU step up and initiate.


Yes, I always said it is my problem, not hers. I do not blame or fault her for anything. She is who she is. moreover she seems to find our sexual routine rather satisfying. It is me who wants novelty. So it my task to find it, introduce it and spice our sex life. 



Quad73 said:


> I've been in a similar situation, so let me offer some
> 
> WORDS OF WARNING
> 
> Be sure not to get greedy and start hoping for HER to initiate or remember. It sounds like she is very responsive to you suggestions, and gets excited that you are leading with new ideas. Do not start complaining that she does not initiate; this is for you to do; enjoy this role in your marriage.


No, I do not expect and never expected her to take initiative. It is just not who she is and I do not want her to change to act against her nature. I would like her to be able to express her desires and sexual feelings. But I know this won't happen. I am not going to press her to do this. I accept this as a reality of our life, I am not upset or complaining.



Quad73 said:


> Don't eliminate the 'regular' sex from your life entirely. Finding new things to do EVERY TIME will get old and frustrating in time. Also, she will need to be reminded that you still want to make love to HER, not just prepare a fantasy of yours. Give her this, she sounds very generous.


I understand it is not possible to introduce or try something new every time we have sex. But for me to have enjoyable sex it must be exciting, it must be anticipated, craved for. It cannot just do mechanical act, it makes me frustrated. My brain rather than my penis must be sexually stimulated. That's why I honestly prefer not to have daily sex even if I can get one and physically want it. I would rather forego potential sex today (even if I physically want it) to make sex tomorrow more exciting, anticipated, hot. Sometimes in the morning or throughout a day I whisper her how much I want her and how much I am looking forward to do something tonight. and it makes the sex itself way more enjoyable. I wish sometimes her do the same to me but this is not who she is.

Nothing makes sex more exciting for me than to see and feel her being excited. If I just knew what she wants today.




Quad73 said:


> I will add a few ideas later, mostly I just wanted to congratulate you and offer those words of warning for you to consider.


Thank you. I am looking forward to hearing your experience.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I would like her to be able to express her desires and sexual feelings. But I know this won't happen.


Don't give up -- this actually MIGHT happen as you both talk about sex together. Eventually she may in fact get to the point where she is comfortable talking about what she liked, didn't like, things to try, etc.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> Be sure to read the above like 137 times and then read it again.
> 
> The end of an encounter is the time to touch, snuggle, and praise. Nothing more.


Or instead know your audience and act accordingly.

Since my wife certainly doesn't care for snuggling afterwards, and isn't interested in praise for what we've just shared. Plus she quite likes talking about trying new sexual things just afterwards. To the point that if I started praising her, touching and snuggling, she'd tell me to get off of her, and stop being lame.

Some women I have been with like cuddling afterwards, while others don't, on and on etc.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

CountryMike said:


> In volume III of toys and oils for her along with right now we're in volume II of anal, and varieties in where I finish anywhere on her or in her.
> 
> Along with standard fare. We like to do adds, along with base routines we both like very much.
> 
> ...


So funny you say that. I travel all the time, at least before Covid, and I always spent that time thinking about what we would try when I got home.


One time I bought something prior to heading out, a toy and some sexy lingerie. I set up a scavenger hunt for her to find them while we were on video chat. Then once she found them... you can imagine the rest.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Be sure to read the above like 137 times and then read it again.
> 
> The end of an encounter is the time to touch, snuggle, and praise. Nothing more.


Yes, cuddle, touch and praise. But I find it is the best moment to share my fantasies an desires with her: "I really enjoyed playing with your wet clit and you warm mouth and tong felt so good!. Maybe let's try 69 next time?"


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

romantic_dreamer said:


> "I really enjoyed playing with your wet clit and you warm mouth and tong felt so good!. Maybe let's try 69 next time?"


Replace “Maybe let’s try 69 next time” with
“I want to take you to that restaurant you always talked about” 😜


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> Replace “Maybe let’s try 69 next time” with
> “I want to take you to that restaurant you always talked about” 😜


If I was looking to limit my very rich sex life, I would say what you suggest.

Since it would devolve the sex my wife and I share, to a transactional activity. Since I would be suggesting that I am rewarding her with dinner, for the sexual services she has provided.

Yet for us sex is a shared activity that benefits both of us, and is in itself its own reward.

For us great sex leads to more great sex.

While sharing dinner together and enjoying each others company leads, to more good company and shared dinners.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Personal said:


> If I was looking to limit my very rich sex life, I would say what you suggest.
> 
> Since it would devolve the sex my wife and I share, to a transactional activity. Since I would be suggesting that I am rewarding her with dinner, for the sexual services she has provided.
> 
> ...


Our wives are obviously very different 👍


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Replace “Maybe let’s try 69 next time” with
> “I want to take you to that restaurant you always talked about” 😜


This does not work for us. We are really not materialistic people and there is no way we can "bribe" or "buy" each other for better or more exciting sex or anything sexual by anything materialistic. We never conditioned sex on anything materialistic.

If I ever tell her I would buy you something or take you to a restaurant or anything similar and you agree to give me something sexual in return or as a favor, she will take it as big insult and this will kill our sex life for a very long time. 

If she wants something (non-sexual) which happens very very rare, l will always get her that without any sexual favors or expectations in return. I sometimes have to literally beg her to buy her some designer shoes or dress. I tell her this is more gift for me than her (I have to admit she does enjoys them a lot), how amazing she looks in them.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

romantic_dreamer said:


> This does not work for us. We are really not materialistic people and there is no way we can "bribe" or "buy" each other for better or more exciting sex or anything sexual by anything materialistic. We never conditioned sex on anything materialistic.
> 
> If I ever tell her I would buy you something or take you to a restaurant or anything similar and you agree to give me something sexual in return or as a favor, she will take it as big insult and this will kill our sex life for a very long time.
> 
> If she wants something (non-sexual) which happens very very rare, l will always get her that without any sexual favors or expectations in return. I sometimes have to literally beg her to buy her some designer shoes or dress. I tell her this is more gift for me than her (I have to admit she does enjoys them a lot), how amazing she looks in them.


I think I may have not been clear. It’s not that it’s a trade for anything. It’s that you don’t want to give the impression that you wanted some 69 but didn’t get it this time. Does that make sense? It’s not that it’s a bribe... it’s more of a ... Let’s do something together.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> For me the sex is directly proportional to the level of excitement in my brain, I need something new to spice it. And this will need to come from me. my wife may follow me and it may even excite her as much as me but she won't suggest anything herself.


There are many psychology books I have read that suggest as one ages that sex occurs much more in the brain and becomes less about friction/hormones. Developing sex in the mind requires one to be very in touch with themselves and spend some time self reflecting in a way that inspires curiosity. 

I will warn you that you seem to do this in a way that perhaps places A LOT of requests onto your wife for this and that. If you push for more, you will likely come across as insatiable and gradually make for feel inadequate (as if no amount of effort will ever be enough). So it is important that you also try and focus on an inner narrative in your mind that allows your arousal to be more self sufficient without all the need for novelty such as landing strips, corsets, and certain behaviors from your wife. 

There was one member here a long time ago that talked about his procedure to prepare himself for his wife. Essentially he would consume a large amount of erotic media without allowing himself any self gratification. His wife would schedule things so that he could manage this to be ready for her at a certain time. He described this as allowing his libido to build up the momentum of an unstoppable freight train for which his wife could enjoy without any effort needed. Pretty much sounded like the only thing he asked of her was to just show up and enjoy herself however she wanted. If she was really in the mood to enjoy the moment, he would add some prescribed pharmaceuticals beforehand.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> It’s that you don’t want to give the impression that you wanted some 69 but didn’t get it this time.


Why wouldn't you want to do that?

If I wanted some 69, yet didn't get it. Of course I should give the impression that I wanted it, if my desire is to get it.

From experience, the rich smorgasbord of sexual acts that I enjoy. Are in significant part, a consequence of saying what I want and not being shy about it.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

badsanta said:


> There are many psychology books I have read that suggest as one ages that sex occurs much more in the brain and becomes less about friction/hormones. Developing sex in the mind requires one to be very in touch with themselves and spend some time self reflecting in a way that inspires curiosity.
> 
> I will warn you that you seem to do this in a way that perhaps places A LOT of requests onto your wife for this and that. If you push for more, you will likely come across as insatiable and gradually make for feel inadequate (as if no amount of effort will ever be enough). So it is important that you also try and focus on an inner narrative in your mind that allows your arousal to be more self sufficient without all the need for novelty such as landing strips, corsets, and certain behaviors from your wife.


This is all valid. I realize that it is no always possible to make regular sex novelty. That's why I think some actions that lea to sex (talk about it, anticipation, sexting, etc.) can make it feel special without requiring every time do something new during the act itself. I just cannot have sex if my brain is not aroused. And I really really need both of us to enjoy it and be excited.

I treat sex as an play act with two actors, both must be involved, both must contribute for this play to be good or enjoyable. If one of the actors does not care or really not involved, the play is a failure. Does not matter how much aroused I am if I feel she is not into the sex I never push forward.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Personal said:


> a consequence of saying what I want and not being shy about it.





romantic_dreamer said:


> don't know how to communicate this to her. We both are very sensitive people, especially her. When in very rare moments we have some negative to say, we very carefully word this not to hurt each other feelings. I am afraid of hurting her by expressing dissatisfaction


His very first statement on this forum was that he was afraid of hurting her feelings by expressing dissatisfaction. The gist of my statements are that he should be careful to make sure he doesn’t do so. We are not talking about your wife or mine ..... we are talking about his.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> This is all valid. I realize that it is no always possible to make regular sex novelty. That's why I think some actions that lea to sex (talk about it, anticipation, sexting, etc.) can make it feel special without requiring every time do something new during the act itself. I just cannot have sex if my brain is not aroused. And I really really need both of us to enjoy it and be excited.
> 
> I treat sex as an play act with two actors, both must be involved, both must contribute for this play to be good or enjoyable. If one of the actors does not care or really not involved, the play is a failure. Does not matter how much aroused I am if I feel she is not into the sex I never push forward.


Sometimes sex without the brain planning every second in advance is very satisfying!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Does not matter how much aroused I am if I feel she is not into the sex I never push forward.


THAT right there is the perfect recipe for performance anxiety. Arousal CAN'T be required or forced. It has to be free to respond however it will. If you require your spouse to be aroused and into it then you will end up with a starfish. 

Imagine you are not really in the mood but your wife is desperate and asks you to please her. She reveals a rather fascinating fantasy she wants to try. So I'm guessing that is a no go since you are not in the mood? My point I am making here is that if roles were reversed and you were not in the mood but your wife desperately aroused you would likely be more than happy to please her in any way she asked. ...now imagine her refusing that and rejecting the idea of you trying anything because she does not sense you being in the mood?

Badsanta


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

badsanta said:


> THAT right there is the perfect recipe for performance anxiety. Arousal CAN'T be required or forced. It has to be free to respond however it will. If you require your spouse to be aroused and into it then you will end up with a starfish.
> 
> Imagine you are not really in the mood but your wife is desperate and asks you to please her. She reveals a rather fascinating fantasy she wants to try. So I'm guessing that is a no go since you are not in the mood? My point I am making here is that if roles were reversed and you were not in the mood but your wife desperately aroused you would likely be more than happy to please her in any way she asked. ...now imagine her refusing that and rejecting the idea of you trying anything because she does not sense you being in the mood?
> 
> Badsanta


I am not talking about general mood. I am talking about factors outside of our control that prevent sex from being enjoyable. We may plan to have sex in the evening but she may have stressful day at work with deadline that must be met, she may have genuine headache or feel sick, or some other external factor that simply does not allow her and us to relax and enjoy each other. The biggest "mood killers" for us are our own kids. They may create a fit from nothing and kill any mood or desire to have any sex. If I feel something distracting her from enjoying sex, I will not approach her. I simple won't enjoy it if she is distracted or cannot enjoy sex. 

But otherwise my wife never turns me down just because she is "not in the mood".


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I am not talking about general mood. I am talking about factors outside of our control that prevent sex from being enjoyable. We may plan to have sex in the evening but she may have stressful day at work with deadline that must be met, she may have genuine headache or feel sick, or some other external factor that simply does not allow her and us to relax and enjoy each other. The biggest "mood killers" for us are our own kids. They may create a fit from nothing and kill any mood or desire to have any sex. If I feel something distracting her from enjoying sex,* I will not approach her. I simple won't enjoy it if she is distracted or cannot enjoy sex.
> 
> But otherwise my wife never turns me down just because she is "not in the mood".*


Sometimes this is just what is needed. She may not be in the mood when you start, but, and especially if you are placing more attention upon her than having her attend upon you, it is the kind of thing that can turn her around, and lift her spirits. There are times when my wife is the initiator and the whole session is what she is doing to me. Sure I'm touching her and all, but she is driving the show, not a mutual give and take. If she has done this when I am in a foul mood, I usually find that mood turned around. IOW, you are distracting her from the distraction. It may not always work, but it has most times for us, so what harm can it be to try?


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> Sometimes this is just what is needed. She may not be in the mood when you start, but, and especially if you are placing more attention upon her than having her attend upon you, it is the kind of thing that can turn her around, and lift her spirits. There are times when my wife is the initiator and the whole session is what she is doing to me. Sure I'm touching her and all, but she is driving the show, not a mutual give and take. If she has done this when I am in a foul mood, I usually find that mood turned around. IOW, you are distracting her from the distraction. It may not always work, but it has most times for us, so what harm can it be to try?


Both my wife and I are always "in the mood" when circumstances permit. At the same time we cannot have or enjoy sex when environment is not right. I am not going to approach my wife if she just got a call that her father has been hospitalized or she is sick with stomach flue. It would be just rude and disrespectful.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I am not talking about general mood. I am talking about factors outside of our control that prevent sex from being enjoyable.


All of the things that seem to be a barrier to being in the mood can be overcome and if anything might make arousal more exciting. And then when there are no barriers and everything should be natural one may find it impossible to get in the mood. 

A book I read talked about the challenges of large families living in very small apartments. In this scenario sex actually became exciting for some couples because there was a challenge along with risks in order to enjoy sex as a husband and wife without being discovered by family. An example might include midnight rendezvous on the roof or balcony.

So limitations should not be avoided but instead seem as creative challenges for something exciting.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Both my wife and I are always "in the mood" when circumstances permit. At the same time we cannot have or enjoy sex when environment is not right. I am not going to approach my wife if she just got a call that her father has been hospitalized or she is sick with stomach flue. It would be just rude and disrespectful.


Well duh! However, if she's had a bad day at work, or the drama of her friends has her down, might be a good time to try to switch the mood around. I mean I have to throw out generalities here, because you have never mentioned things like being sick or family going to the hospital.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> Well duh! However, if she's had a bad day at work, or the drama of her friends has her down, might be a good time to try to switch the mood around. I mean I have to throw out generalities here, because you have never mentioned things like being sick or family going to the hospital.


Obviously, this is all relative and personal. Some people can have sex when they are angry or upset or have major stressful event in their life. I cannot do this and I consider myself very sexual person. My wife cannot either. We need to have relatively relaxed non-stressful environment to have and enjoy sex.

I think it is fair to say that for anyone there are times when sex is simply not appropriate and enjoyable. And their partners need to respect this. Initiating sex when other partner legitimately does not want it in this particular moment is rude and disrespectful and can lead to rejection and actually less sex.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Obviously, this is all relative and personal. Some people can have sex when they are angry or upset or have major stressful event in their life. I cannot do this and I consider myself very sexual person. My wife cannot either. We need to have relatively relaxed non-stressful environment to have and enjoy sex.
> 
> I think it is fair to say that for anyone there are times when sex is simply not appropriate and enjoyable. And their partners need to respect this. Initiating sex when other partner legitimately does not want it in this particular moment is rude and disrespectful and can lead to rejection and actually less sex.


Mad, stressed, even when arguing we still have sex. We made a rule that disagreements wouldn't put up barriers to having sex. That actually is a great rule to have. Makes finding compromises easier.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

CountryMike said:


> Mad, stressed, even when arguing we still have sex. We made a rule that disagreements wouldn't put up barriers to having sex. That actually is a great rule to have. Makes finding compromises easier.


I CAN SEE IT NOW the argument in full swing and you have to stop for a sex brake between rounds or during the sex there could be the odd blow given in the name of rough sex 🔔🕣


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> I CAN SEE IT NOW the argument in full swing and you have to stop for a sex brake between rounds or during the sex there could be the odd blow given in the name of rough sex 🔔🕣


I know some people do have "anger sex" in the middle of the fight and really enjoy it. It is not applicable to us as we never fought during our almost 25 years of marriage and had only few times very shallow arguments. 

Both of us can only really enjoy sex when nothing external distracts us from it. Unfortunately circumstances beyond our control happen. It is extremely frustrating when I plan to have something special tonight and something happened to ruin it. But we always say we gladly get a "rain check".


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> We need to have relatively relaxed non-stressful environment to have and enjoy sex.


Sexual excitement that is not associated with "sexual boredom" needs adrenaline. Often people need something risky to trigger some adrenaline with their lovemaking. This is why people often have affairs. They want something that gives them that "butterflies in my stomach" feeling again. 

So how is it that you make a "relatively relaxed non-stressful environment" into something that will not result in sexual boredom? That is the paradox that most couples struggle to address. How do you make excitement into something that is comfortable, predictable, and stress free? I guess an example would be all the safety engineering that goes into a rollercoaster! There are ways to do it and the magic ingredient is likely just some good old creativity to safely create the illusion of risk. 

Perhaps this is why some folks enjoy role play.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> I CAN SEE IT NOW the argument in full swing and you have to stop for a sex brake between rounds or during the sex there could be the odd blow given in the name of rough sex 🔔🕣


Replace the rough sex with great sex, then you might actually get it 🙂 !

The point I'm making is I've read some couples stay mad at each other for days, and create their own cold bedrooms, and walk around in a huff. Both sexes. And we don't do that.

We can be in a disagreement, or mad, yet won't withhold physical contact while we work through whoever's mad at who, why, and fix it.

Very productive. Sex isn't a weapon.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

badsanta said:


> Sexual excitement that is not associated with "sexual boredom" needs adrenaline. Often people need something risky to trigger some adrenaline with their lovemaking. This is why people often have affairs. They want something that gives them that "butterflies in my stomach" feeling again.


300% agree. However, there is fundamental difference between sexual excitement associated with adrenaline and stress caused by external factors or anger. Having sex in elevator or other public place is excitement caused by adrenaline but fire at work or being sick or fighting your kids has nothing to do with adrenaline. This is stress that for me and for both of us is total mood killer. 



badsanta said:


> So how is it that you make a "relatively relaxed non-stressful environment" into something that will not result in sexual boredom? That is the paradox that most couples struggle to address. How do you make excitement into something that is comfortable, predictable, and stress free? I guess an example would be all the safety engineering that goes into a rollercoaster! There are ways to do it and the magic ingredient is likely just some good old creativity to safely create the illusion of risk.
> 
> Perhaps this is why some folks enjoy role play.


As I mentioned before I really need my brain to be sexually stimulated to enjoy sex. And adrenaline is something that can really help. I am actually really looking for something exciting that involves adrenaline as long as it is legal and won't get us into trouble.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> 300% agree. However, there is fundamental difference between sexual excitement associated with adrenaline and stress caused by external factors or anger. Having sex in elevator or other public place is excitement caused by adrenaline but fire at work or being sick or fighting your kids has nothing to do with adrenaline. This is stress that for me and for both of us is total mood killer.
> 
> 
> 
> As I mentioned before I really need my brain to be sexually stimulated to enjoy sex. And adrenaline is something that can really help. I am actually really looking for something exciting that involves adrenaline as long as it is legal and won't get us into trouble.


For you my friend, after reading through your posts, for you that only leaves cocaine. 
Now, I'm just kidding, but you seem to paint yourself into a corner when it comes to things you think you require for sex.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@romantic_dreamer, I don't see how anyone here can help you, when you seem determined to limit your sex life.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Personal said:


> @romantic_dreamer, I don't see how anyone here can help you, when you seem determined to limit your sex life.


Limit? how?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> As I mentioned before I really need my brain to be sexually stimulated to enjoy sex. And adrenaline is something that can really help. I am actually really looking for something exciting that involves adrenaline as long as it is legal and won't get us into trouble.


If money is not an issue you might want to try dabbling VR180. The latest VR headsets are in 5K and can run 120fps with an extremely wide field of view. Then you add to that a VR180 camera that allows you to shift you point of view to anywhere in the room. So if you are laying down in bed and your wife is on top, you can setup yourself to view the action live from your VR headset as if you are at the foot of the bed as a 3rd person voyeur while experiencing all the physical sensations from in first person. Like having a real time outer-body experience. 

Not everyone is compatible with this. Some folks might find an experience like this to be too immersive in that it creates a sensory conflict in the brain that triggers motion sickness. This is when the brain can not reconcile all of your sensory input and assumes you are hallucinating from being poisoned and as a result your body will make itself throw up in self defense. THAT is how realistic and immersive it is that your brain will go OMFG WTF!!!! You will either be on an exciting roller coaster of an experience that is out of this world fun, or one that will make you throw up.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

badsanta said:


> If money is not an issue you might want to try dabbling VR180. The latest VR headsets are in 5K and can run 120fps with an extremely wide field of view. Then you add to that a VR180 camera that allows you to shift you point of view to anywhere in the room. So if you are laying down in bed and your wife is on top, you can setup yourself to view the action live from your VR headset as if you are at the foot of the bed as a 3rd person voyeur while experiencing all the physical sensations from in first person. Like having a real time outer-body experience.
> 
> Not everyone is compatible with this. Some folks might find an experience like this to be too immersive in that it creates a sensory conflict in the brain that triggers motion sickness. This is when the brain can not reconcile all of your sensory input and assumes you are hallucinating from being poisoned and as a result your body will make itself throw up in self defense. THAT is how realistic and immersive it is that your brain will go OMFG WTF!!!! You will either be on an exciting roller coaster of an experience that is out of this world fun, or one that will make you throw up.


Interesting. I will look at this. Thank you.

I entertained at one point the fantasy of taking a video of us making love. But I myself do no feel very comfortable appearing on camera even if it is just for ourselves. I think if I do this and tell my wife we won't be able to "act" and all experience would be awkward. However, I took pictures of her nude in past and it was fantastic experience. I do not have SLR camera anymore.

I recently added some "visual" component to our sex life. We have big mirror in our bedroom that faces one side of the bed. I started moving her the that side of the bed so in some positions like doggy I can see us doing it and I find it entertaining. I am also dreaming of asking her to give me a BJ in front of the mirror.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> Interesting. I will look at this. Thank you.
> 
> I entertained at one point the fantasy of taking a video of us making love. But I myself do no feel very comfortable appearing on camera even if it is just for ourselves. I think if I do this and tell my wife we won't be able to "act" and all experience would be awkward. However, I took pictures of her nude in past and it was fantastic experience. I do not have SLR camera anymore.
> 
> I recently added some "visual" component to our sex life. We have big mirror in our bedroom that faces one side of the bed. I started moving her the that side of the bed so in some positions like doggy I can see us doing it and I find it entertaining. I am also dreaming of asking her to give me a BJ in front of the mirror.


Stop dreaming and just do it! Everything I've read from you about your wife looks to me like she is a lot more willing to do things with you than you give her credit for. She seems to be very receptive. Trust in her that she won't say yes to something she really doesn't want to do.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Stop dreaming and just do it! Everything I've read from you about your wife looks to me like she is a lot more willing to do things with you than you give her credit for. She seems to be very receptive. Trust in her that she won't say yes to something she really doesn't want to do.


This is true. This forum and people here gave me the encouragement I needed to act. And so far it has been great! I have many fantasies collected in my head over many years that I never dared to try.

I also realized with my recent experience and reading some of the posts here that women including probably my wife they do not want in many cases to discuss sexual things their partners want to do to them. It is not sexy and kills the whole idea. They want their men just do these sexual things to them. They want and appreciate considerate, sexually attentive men but they want sexually confident, decisive men. It came to my mind that just asking my wife "can I come on your face?' is really not sexy and weird and kills the experience really. I just need to do it confidently, I did this and it was fantastic. And my wife though not saying this to me directly was really turned on by me doing it decisively. Yes, certain things she may not like and we will both have to figure out how to communicate this to each other in non-awkward way. But she won't be hurt, it is just part of whole sexual endeavor and exploring and I will need to accept this.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> This is true. This forum and people here gave me the encouragement I needed to act. And so far it has been great! I have many fantasies collected in my head over many years that I never dared to try.
> 
> I also realized with my recent experience and reading some of the posts here that women including probably my wife they do not want in many cases to discuss sexual things their partners want to do to them. It is not sexy and kills the whole idea. They want their men just do these sexual things to them. They want and appreciate considerate, sexually attentive men but they want sexually confident, decisive men. It came to my mind that just asking my wife "can I come on your face?' is really not sexy and weird and kills the experience really. I just need to do it confidently, I did this and it was fantastic. And my wife though not saying this to me directly was really turned on by me doing it decisively. Yes, certain things she may not like and we will both have to figure out how to communicate this to each other in non-awkward way. But she won't be hurt, it is just part of whole sexual endeavor and exploring and I will need to accept this.


Did we not say just do it, to get things going?

Good for you. And apparently good for her, she seems a bit more involved.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

badsanta said:


> Sexual excitement that is not associated with "sexual boredom" needs adrenaline. Often people need something risky to trigger some adrenaline with their lovemaking. This is why people often have affairs. They want something that gives them that "butterflies in my stomach" feeling again.
> 
> So how is it that you make a "relatively relaxed non-stressful environment" into something that will not result in sexual boredom? That is the paradox that most couples struggle to address. How do you make excitement into something that is comfortable, predictable, and stress free? I guess an example would be all the safety engineering that goes into a rollercoaster! There are ways to do it and the magic ingredient is likely just some good old creativity to safely create the illusion of risk.
> 
> Perhaps this is why some folks enjoy role play.


We use the anticipation of safe but unpredictable experiences to remove boredom without risk / lots of adrenaline, which neither of us finds erotic.

Eg, 

I'll text my W via a locked private messaging app so we can be as explicit as we want to be, even in public spaces, without the fear of someone finding our messages.

I keep a folder of ideas for encounters. I'll secret message her what I have in mind, sometimes having her choose between two options. Sometimes there is an 'appetizer' 'main course' and 'desert'. 

My W keeps a vast array of things to wear only for sex. No role-playing, just fantasy. We're not into acting parts or performing. 

Often included in a message to her will be "find something you might want to put on behind the ____" 

Sometimes we'll go a bit farther and I'll set up a simple jungle or beach scenario. The sound of waves or exotic birds and forest animals over the stereo. Close the blackout curtains for a jungle mystery atmosphere or wide open for a hot sunny beach and a beach towel. Bikini or jungle Jane attire. Etc etc.

When things like this and many others are available fairly spontaneously, it adds that rush of the new and fun for us.

The secret I've found is that an (ironically methodical) inventory of ideas, clothes, sounds, pictures, dirty talk etc ready for fairly spontaneous encounters with a twist is the key to safe but new. Delete, edit and add more. 

Interestingly, this often leads to a week off, where we just have 'regular' sex, and we really look forward to a break from the new to just enjoy each other more simply.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Quad73 said:


> We use the anticipation of safe but unpredictable experiences to remove boredom without risk / lots of adrenaline, which neither of us finds erotic.
> 
> Eg,
> 
> ...


I would really like to use sexting with my wife as I find it very erotic and kinky. I doubt this will work for us though knowing her nature. For sexting to work both participants must be actively engaged. My wife just cannot verbalize or put in writing her sexuality. This will be me sexting her and her responding with short "Great", "Thank you", "OK" or smiley face emoji.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I would really like to use sexting with my wife as I find it very erotic and kinky. I doubt this will work for us though knowing her nature. For sexting to work both participants must be actively engaged. My wife just cannot verbalize or put in writing her sexuality. This will be me sexting her and her responding with short "Great", "Thank you", "OK" or smiley face emoji.


My wife won't go for this because she is deathly afraid of something going public or being seen by someone. I will occasionally send her something sexy via text, and I'll just just an embarrassed emoji back from her.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I recently added some "visual" component to our sex life. We have big mirror in our bedroom that faces one side of the bed.


Another common form of play that is safe that can be very mentally focused is sensory play, particularly deprivation. For example audio engineers in Hollywood will often take advantage of depriving the mind of content just before a jump scare. The noise levels suddenly drop for a short period of time which causes the brain to begin refocuses and amplifying one's sensory input from your ears in order to make sure you are aware of what is going on in the movie. The brain even goes so far as to begin picking up faint room noises that you would normally not hear during th BAMMM-JUMP_SCARE! 

The same sort of mental effect can happen with something like a blindfold and earplugs. Some folks even go so far as to apply numbing gel to their sensitive areas. Then your partner plays with you in ways that your mind will go into overdrive trying to observe and comprehend what little sensory input that the brain is receiving. The result of this can be way more stimulating because the brain no longer needs to work on discarding irrelevant information (numbing or dulling unimportant input). So it is like you get double the experience in terms of sensations. 

Here is an interesting way to experiment with this concept. Find a porn that has very good audio. Search "binaural audio" which is 3D audio from a special set of FPV microphones placed in the same configuration as the human ear. Once you find a good one, put on some good headphones and turn off the screen while sitting in a completely dark room. Most folks watch porn with the audio muted, so this is the exact opposite experience. The experience is that your brain's visual capacity will be repurposed to try and comprehend three dimensionally and internally visualize what you are hearing in the 3D space around you. The experience can feel exactly like you are sitting in a dark dorm room while eavesdropping on your roommates having sex right in front of you. Your mind will go into overdrive trying to visualize exactly what is happening and as a result will be way more stimulating than staring at the actual video. But in order for this to work, the video has to have good audio and that is not what porn is known for as most of it dubbed or covered up with a radio blaring in the background.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I would really like to use sexting with my wife as I find it very erotic and kinky. I doubt this will work for us though knowing her nature. For sexting to work both participants must be actively engaged. My wife just cannot verbalize or put in writing her sexuality. This will be me sexting her and her responding with short "Great", "Thank you", "OK" or smiley face emoji.


Or you might get these emojis : hearts, lips, triple fire.

It's all wonderful. Let her express herself as she likes.


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