# Overly Critical - Tips to Tamp it Down?



## Anterior (Jun 14, 2009)

Hello all! I was wondering if anyone had any tips or tricks to curb their tendencies to be over-critical. I grew up in a household where we were a very sarcastic and very critical family. I married three months ago and since I've been living with my husband, I've reverted to a number of behaviors that were normal for me growing up, but cause him emotional distress as he grew up in a household where people treated each other much more kindly. 

For instance, if I ask him to pick up after himself and he leaves it for me, I'll get too harsh too quickly. I don't yell or raise my voice, it's just the tone and the vocabulary. I've started to get better at biting my tongue until I can think of a kinder way to put something or use a less critical tone, but I still have those moments where what was "normal" over-rides my brain. As this upsets him, and I want to work as quickly as I can to over-come my tendency to be overly critical and over-react to situations that don't call for it.

So far, breathing exercises and counting techniques have worked to shut up the harsher part of my head when it's trying to talk. Does anyone else have any other tips or tricks that they've used to keep themselves from saying hurtful things to their spouses when they're stressed? Thank you!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

so are you from the northeast?

Well we are from NJ and both of us can be very sarcastic, moving to Georgia, we had to learn that not everyone has our sense of humor and they get upset.

Just something you are going to work through....both of you.

you have to learn to become less sarcastic, he has to learn not to take it to heart.

Also he needs to pick up after himself.


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## SFladybug (May 25, 2009)

Cute GA 
Anterior - My situation is reversed a bit. While I am critical and often can become a nag, my family never talked mean to one another - they were more passive aggressive. My husband's family screamed at each other and could be very mean. So, he has had to learn that how he says things to me affects the tenor of our life together and I have had to learn to be direct and try to not to take his comments quite so seriously. What has worked for me when I am feeling critical is to remember stuff I don't do so well that he wants. Also, when I tell him that they way he talks to me hurts my feelings, he sometimes remembers....but it has been years of practice to get our own family communication style. Keep trying to remember to take a few breaths and wait before speaking, it will really help you from sticking your foot in your mouth.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I have a critical family, too. I never knew how awful it sounds until I witnessed my sister in law constantly nagging my brother. I vowed to treat my husband more politely. I don't know how we gotten to stage where we are kinder to strangers than our own spouses.


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