# dday minus 1



## Maximus (Dec 4, 2011)

Ok TAM, I've been reading posts here for 8 months, now I ask for your feedback on me. Marduk's "What I've learned in the past year, a good news story" sounds a lot like me, where I've been and the direction I'm going.

So, my wife's EA is about to become a PA. I first found out about in feb...we're just friends...not telling whole truth, I know from accessing her email, find my iPhone, VAR recording of a call yesterday....it is a story straight out of TAM.

11 years married, 3 young boys including on at 4 mos, I developed clinical depression around year 2 and tough to live with...ups and downs...mostly anger issues. Don't have the money now we thought we would. We both love each other very deeply (affair asside) and knew we wanted to grow old together. People have always complimented us on how strong our bond seemed...and it was, if not strained at times. Economy is hard on everybody and I see marriages dropping like flies, so sad.

I've always been a Christian but I had keep part of my heart from Jesus--I wanted to keep a little piece for me...make sure I got what I wanted...make sure I had enough money. The last several months he's been giving me spiritual cleaning and I gave him all of my heart. I always knew I would have to but too stubborn. Love IS patient.

Let Her Go. Yes, that was hard, not sure I've fully done it, but it does make a huge difference in her attitude toward me. 

My question: Let Her Go...if she's going to cheat better sooner than later. I want her to get this poison fog out of her system. I've told her this can't go on...only room for the two of us. I'm 90% certain that if I don't confront her with the No Contact letter, evidence (email between them) that demand a confession, and a check list of the things I will have to star doing if she doesn't: text OM they need to stop friendship, then his wife, om's parents...full transparency with email, etc. ... They will have a PA in a month if not a week.

So much more to say....

I have no vengeance, just want to save my marriage and I think she does too.
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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Confront (don't reveal VAR source) WW and OM....don't deal with OM about exposing to OMW....expose to her to....shock and awe. Immediate NC, don't compromise on this one - WW and OM's friendship is over as us what ever circumstance that brought them together; club, hobby, volunteer work......employment issue is a case by case thing.

Expose!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Call his wife and expose to her , do not contact the OM. Then confront your wife , give her no wriggle room and few choices either she works on the marriage with full NC and transparency or you file. If she leaves , change the locks. Let her parents know of her adultery.
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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Never reveal your sources. Confront her with the facts and specifics and your W will know you know...not just how you know.

This is important when it comes time to verify if she is in a in a real R or a fake R.

BTW, you are not vengful, just looking for support for the marriage. Remember, it isn't about being spittful, its about makeing the affair as uncomfortable an as inconvienent to continue so that that the wayward focuses on the marriage and not the AP.


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