# Seperated 3 weeks, She already has BF. Need adivce.



## Coachemup (Jul 21, 2013)

Ok, let me begin by stating the obvious to give you a little background info. I am a coach and teacher. At my previous job in a small town across the state my wife and I both worked for the school district. 
Three months ago we were a happily married couple. I'm sure I'll take some heat for this but I was involved in an EA. My wife saw the odd calls on the phone bill and heard some rumors from a co-worker and the next thing I know she has filed for a divorce. We talked and I thought we were gonna work on reconciliation but it turns out it was a false reconciliation and she had no intentions of getting back together. She tells me she is proceeding with the divorce and moving back to our home town and living with her mother. 
Are you still with me?
So fast forward and we have been back in our home town for exactly three weeks today. Earlier this week she calls me to tell me she is spliting the cell bill and getting her own car insurance to "save me money". I'm thinking oh that's nice of her. Then a day later she calls and asks me if the boys (we have three kids, two boys and a girl) can stay the night because that would be a good time to "bond". I'm like REALLY? I see right through her lies. I'm probably gonna get hammered for this also but I hacked her Facebook and saw messages from her to this guy. It had only been a week and they already smooching and saying how they have already fallen for each other. I'm like WOW. I took the kids this weekend cause she went out of town with this guy and of course she lied about it. 

When I take the kids back of course she denies until I tell her what I know and then she comes clean. I tell her I know it is totally my fault that we are in this situation and I'm fully responsible for ruining our family. I told her no matter what I will love her cause she is the mother of my children. She agreed from this day forward we should be honest and open with each other. Yes, I told her that I hacked her facebook. She said to me..I just want to you to know that I don't want to get back with you and I don't even want to TRY. 

I was pretty bummed about that. Cause previous to this BF situatish I was hopeful that I could get her back. I want to get her back. I want my family back. I cant believe how I've managed to ruin my entire family. Such a bummer. 

Anyway, question...

What do I do?

Do I do anything? 

Do I move on? 

Mom always said...Make strong choices! Wish I would have listened!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your old lady found a new guy and with that you can not compete with new love so back off wait for the break up and then strick when she is most vaulnerable.

Your best bet is hold on to what little self respect you have left and show everyone that you can move on with the bad choices you have made and can own them and take resposibility.

Now is the time to show everyone that you have the confidence to be a changed man for the better....that it will at least make your wife second guess her own choices when she see you letting go and moving on.

See thats exactly what your old lady did when she busted you...she let you go and now look you want her back...so do what she did...let her go..no begging or crying...distance your self and hopefuly her new relationship falls apart as quick as it started...kind of like your EA.......

My point here is folks miss what they can't have so let your old lady go ...for now!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In addition, the more you push the more your old lady will lean on her new guy for support.

Smile, wish her the best and show her how confident you are in finding a new life that will not include infidelity from either you or anyone else.

Show her you have learned a valuable lesson..one that will not be repeated in your next relationship.

It may sound counter productive but pushing her away is the only way to get her to second guess her choices. She must see what she is about to lose for her to think twice, so except the consequences and work on your self as an individual and then you can work on a healtier relationship with some one else...and that someone else just might be you exwife....


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