# "I won't cry about this."



## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

That's one of the choice, verbally abusive things he decided to say to me tonight after I kicked him out.

My reply?

"That says more about you than it does about me."


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

credamdóchasgra said:


> That's one of the choice, verbally abusive things he decided to say to me tonight after I kicked him out.
> 
> My reply?
> 
> "That says more about you than it does about me."


I'm sorry that you're going through this but could you add a few details?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He told you, "I won't cry about this."? I bet if you'd whacked him across the gourd with a cast iron skillet on his way out, he'd shed a few tears.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I have a long story. Posted "I kicked him out tonight" in general forum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He WILL cry, but not so you can see.
Later on, when he needs to have some guilt-ammo, he will tell you how much he cried and how much weight he lost. 

A person who is not deeply secure on their own cannot give themselves the pleasure of choosing to be dependent emotionally (or physically) on anyone else - and enjoying it. 

It's really not about you.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately (for you, anyway, if you are through with him) there are loads of women out there who are codependent and will jump at the chance to rescue a man who has been 'wronged' by his woman, for all of the silly reasons he will think up to pin on your rational expected normal and healthy behavior. 

Cast iron skillets only make narcissists feel better.
It's way too much emotionally invested attention all at once.
Crazy making behavior should never be allowed to be ACTUALLY crazy making. Only observed as such.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Honestly, if you're done with this guy, what do you care if he cries, throws a party, or drops dead? The opposite of love is not "hate", it's indifference.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Honestly, if you're done with this guy, what do you care if he cries, throws a party, or drops dead? The opposite of love is not "hate", it's indifference.


Judge not, please.

It's a little fresh--we're under 12 hours here. 

I'm posting here for support, to process.

A part of me cares. Why? Ummmm...let's see....:scratchhead: BECAUSE I MARRIED HIM AND I LOVE HIM EVEN THOUGH YES, I NEED TO END THIS.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Crazy making behavior should never be allowed to be ACTUALLY crazy making. Only observed as such.


I've come a long way.

I interpreted the purpose of his words as intending to hurt...but did not actually *feel* hurt by them. Because I know, I get it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> I've come a long way.
> 
> I interpreted the purpose of his words as intending to hurt...but did not actually *feel* hurt by them. Because I know, I get it.


My daughter just ended 2 1/2 year relationship with a boy that totally dismissed her. He left her waiting outside his place for two hours while he golfed even though they had plans and she was leaving for a week that night. After more and more things of rudeness of his part, she broke up with him. Well all of a sudden, he's depressed. His insta-messenger emoticon is sad face, then crying. Where's all of this when she was doing all the giving? Same for you, he'll be back promising the world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> Same for you, he'll be back promising the world.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, he won't.

I'll let you know if I eat those words. But I know he won't.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

morituri said:


> I'm sorry that you're going through this but could you add a few details?


Ok - hijack alert - the best avatar I have ever seen. Can you send me the link?


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Ok - hijack alert - the best avatar I have ever seen. Can you send me the link?


Oh yes, I dig too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Milkman Dan just ran over your bicycle.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Milkman Dan just ran over your bicycle.


 insert salty tear here


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

And you're adopted.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

credamdóchasgra said:


> No, he won't.
> 
> I'll let you know if I eat those words. But I know he won't.


For what it's worth, you did the right thing. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of behavior.

I know full well the pain of breaking up with the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. 

Being a doormat is NOT a sign of love at all. Not to the person who hurt us and certainly not to us, the betrayed.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I recognize this is new, it hurts, and it sucks.

But ...

You are going to make an incredible wife when you meet the man you SHOULD be married to. Unfortunately, your husband is not that man.

Your commitment, willingness to learn and persistence are commendable. He sees none of those traits as beneficial.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I recognize this is new, it hurts, and it sucks.
> 
> But ...
> 
> ...


Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm actually looking forward to when that happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

yes




credamdóchasgra said:


> Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm actually looking forward to when that happens.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm actually looking forward to when that happens.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No rush... I know there are factors that make it important to find "him"... but do not rush.

Heal first.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Conrad said:


> No rush... I know there are factors that make it important to find "him"... but do not rush.
> 
> *Heal first*.


Couldn't agree more.


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## arborday (May 20, 2011)

These words seem classic material for one of the top-level definitions of "Nice Guy" from the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

I think it is an inability to be emotionally connect. He shows a need to repress real connection to emotion. Credam, does he take responsibility for his own feelings by owning them? Does he instead push those feeling back on you as if they are your fault? 

So much here reads like characters from the Nice Guy book...especially ones who have had difficult family stories and childhoods.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How you doing Crema?


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> How you doing Crema?


Thanks for asking, JB...
I'm out of town with relatives, as my grandfather is in end stages of cancer. Very emotional and stressful environment, but lots to learn about what love is, and isn't.
I return to town on Tuesday, and honestly am not sure what my plan will be. 
I'll probably post before that to help me process and figure stuff out before I go back home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

arborday said:


> These words seem classic material for one of the top-level definitions of "Nice Guy" from the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".
> 
> I think it is an inability to be emotionally connect. He shows a need to repress real connection to emotion. Credam, does he take responsibility for his own feelings by owning them? Does he instead push those feeling back on you as if they are your fault?
> 
> So much here reads like characters from the Nice Guy book...especially ones who have had difficult family stories and childhoods.


No, he doesn't take responsibility for his own emotions. 
Through our entire relationship, I've had to be responsible for both my emotions and his.

Can you be more specific--what is it about this that reminds you of the nice guy book? I'm curious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Creda,

Above all else, your *healing* comes first and foremost.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi cred---

im it came down to seperation but im gald it did. you will get back to who you are and who you want to be...

breath and relax, blast your music, jump on the couch, drink wine i bed, watch twilight [insert your fav movie types that he felt were "stupid"], take a bubble bath for 2 hours, and use up all the hot water.

you will come out in the other side of this, and hey 4th season for trublood has started........


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