# Invisible



## alisha_j (9 mo ago)

My spouse and i have been together for almost 7 years. It seems like we're always enduring something. I'm ready to enjoy life but he works 6 out of 7 days for the week, comes home late almost every day. So most of the time, I'm by myself and for a long while I've been feeling really lonely 😞 and invisible. When hes around hes either helping someone out or on his phone. Whenever I voice my feelings, he says he understands but nothing permanently changes.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

First, work together to get out of debt. You will not believe how easy life is with no payments. Imagine no loans, car payments, credit cards, or a mortgage. You can tell your azzhole boss where to stick it.

Also, when you are off, put the phone down and tell them to solve their own issues mnnhb phuckv I have heard to much tonight 😂


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

alisha_j said:


> My spouse and i have been together for almost 7 years. It seems like we're always enduring something. I'm ready to enjoy life but he works 6 out of 7 days for the week, comes home late almost every day. So most of the time, I'm by myself and for a long while I've been feeling really lonely 😞 and invisible. When hes around hes either helping someone out or on his phone. Whenever I voice my feelings, he says he understands but nothing permanently changes.


I’m sorry for the state of your marriage and how you are feeling Alisha.

If you’ve talked about your feelings with him and changes are not there, then I feel like he didn’t really understand the seriousness of the problem. I would suggest that you escalate the situation by pushing hard for marriage counseling.

You shouldn’t live a married life of loneliness and being invisible. Your husband needs to put more priority on you and the marriage, or it will surely end. Tell him this, and move into counseling together.

Do you have kids? What about your support system (friends or family) to help you?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Next time he is on his phone, go put on something nice, spray on a little perfume, go sit on his lap and start kissing his neck. I'm willing to bet that by doing so, his phone will be quickly forgotten.


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## alisha_j (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I’m sorry for the state of your marriage and how you are feeling Alisha.
> 
> If you’ve talked about your feelings with him and changes are not there, then I feel like he didn’t really understand the seriousness of the problem. I would suggest that you escalate the situation by pushing hard for marriage counseling.
> 
> ...


I did all that but it doesn't work. He doesn't want a stranger telling him how to think or live his life. Even though I told him how important it is to me. He agreed to go but never did. Its a waste of money he says. We don't have kids and my support system is basically my mum who thinks that i should just stop worrying, forget about it or thts just how men are, but I just want to be loved better.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You say you want to enjoy life? What does that look like you to you & why can't you do some of it by yourself or with friends if he prefers to work?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

alisha_j said:


> I did all that but it doesn't work. He doesn't want a stranger telling him how to think or live his life. Even though I told him how important it is to me. He agreed to go but never did. Its a waste of money he says. We don't have kids and my support system is basically my mum who thinks that i should just stop worrying, forget about it or thts just how men are, but I just want to be loved better.


He's made it pretty clear he isn't going to be doing anything just because somebody else wants it that way and I'm afraid that's not limited to strangers but is also including you so I'm not sure why he got married. If you're going to stay with him you're going to need to build a social life and maybe a career life or whatever and so that you're not reliant upon him because he's not that guy. And he doesn't care enough to fix it which would be a deal breaker to me.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

alisha_j said:


> I did all that but it doesn't work. He doesn't want a stranger telling him how to think or live his life. Even though I told him how important it is to me. He agreed to go but never did. Its a waste of money he says. We don't have kids and my support system is basically my mum who thinks that i should just stop worrying, forget about it or thts just how men are, but I just want to be loved better.


Well, all of that sucks to be blunt.
If you staying in the marriage is bad, and changing it won‘t happen then your choice is simple.

Leave and find the happiness that you want.
Stay there unchanged and remain invisible.
Stay and change your heart to enjoy being invisible.

I wonder if there’s something more at work here.
Clearly your frustrated with your situation, I would have been frustrated after 3 months let alone 7 years.

What about you, do you work? Stay at home (You mention being by yourself)?
What does “enjoy life” mean to you?
Do you get out of the house at all?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

alisha_j said:


> My spouse and i have been together for almost 7 years. It seems like we're always enduring something. I'm ready to enjoy life but he works 6 out of 7 days for the week, comes home late almost every day. So most of the time, I'm by myself and for a long while I've been feeling really lonely 😞 and invisible. When hes around hes either helping someone out or on his phone. Whenever I voice my feelings, he says he understands but nothing permanently changes.


Do you think he's cheating? Spending so much time on his phone is rather suspicious, especially since it doesn't sound like he's happy to see you or wants to spend time when you when he is home. 



alisha_j said:


> I did all that but it doesn't work. He doesn't want a stranger telling him how to think or live his life. Even though I told him how important it is to me. He agreed to go but never did. Its a waste of money he says. We don't have kids and my support system is basically my mum who thinks that i should just stop worrying, forget about it or thts just how men are, but I just want to be loved better.


Ah, the good old therapy taboo is still alive. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Do you guys go to church? Do you think he might be open to talking to a pastor, or an older family member with a marriage you respect?


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

He has to start realizing that YOU are that person in his life that needs helping out, not his friends. Tell him so. 

If he'd then still rather spend time with them and his phone, we'll there's your answer. At that point you'll need to find your own ways of not feeling lonely and invisible. 

Do you have a good social life? Are you more of an introvert? Do you rely solely on him for companionship?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

alisha_j said:


> So most of the time, I'm by myself and for a long while I've been feeling really lonely 😞 and invisible.


Yeah, it really sucks to be lonely when you're married.

That said, you do need to find things to keep yourself busy/social. He can't be everything for you, all the time. You could ask for specific date nights or something though.

You might also want to give him a few minutes when he gets home from work, to check his phone, check in with friends, or w/e. Then, try talking about your day, planning what to do next, etc.

Men need space. They also need to learn that women need connection, but often we have to teach them that. Looking all sad and saying, "I never see you. You never spend time with me," won't work. He registers that as complaining. It's better to be upbeat and say, "I miss you. I'd love it if we could do something fun together later (or tomorrow, or on the weekend or whenever is good timing).


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## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

That's a tough but not uncommon situation. Not sure what the right answer is, but I know what I would do. I would make sure from the moment he walks through the door he knows what I want from him, and do everything I can to make him want the same from me. It takes work, but this kinda work can be fun and extremely rewarding. If he doesn't respond to your best efforts, something else is wrong.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

How are you doing? Any updates on your situation @alisha_j ?


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## alisha_j (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> First, work together to get out of debt. You will not believe how easy life is with no payments. Imagine no loans, car payments, credit cards, or a mortgage. You can tell your azzhole boss where to stick it.
> 
> Also, when you are off, put the phone down and tell them to solve their own issues mnnhb phuckv I have heard to much tonight 😂


We aren't in debt


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## alisha_j (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I’m sorry for the state of your marriage and how you are feeling Alisha.
> 
> If you’ve talked about your feelings with him and changes are not there, then I feel like he didn’t really understand the seriousness of the problem. I would suggest that you escalate the situation by pushing hard for marriage counseling.
> 
> ...


My only support system is my mum and all she keeps saying is a relationship is hard work and that's how men are


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## alisha_j (9 mo ago)

Quad73 said:


> How are you doing? Any updates on your situation @alisha_j ?


Thanks for checking up on me but sadly there's been no change.. I keep praying, trying and hoping that they would


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

alisha_j said:


> Thanks for checking up on me but sadly there's been no change.. I keep praying, trying and hoping that they would


Nothing will change until you change what you’re doing. There is no “reward” at the end of your life for sitting around silently wishing someone cared about you. He’s not interested in you as a person. If you can’t divorce you have to find your own happiness and your own life apart from him and detach yourself emotionally from him. He is never going to care, I’m sorry. You were probably told that if you were a “good girl” and obedient and submissive than your husband would “love” you. That is a huge lie, one your mother keeps telling you over and over. You’re going to have to be your own white knight because no one is ever going to rescue you.


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