# Wife won't confess



## hammerhead (Mar 5, 2010)

Approx. 3 years had this "gut" feeling my wife was involved with a customer of hers at a lounge. Talk started about maybe having a threesome sometime with someone. She clearly stated she could always get a guy. After a night out with friends everybody left our place except you know who. I was tired and going to bed and was cornered by wife begging for this to be the night. She persisted and persisted until I relented and the "experience" happened. From that point, there was texts talking about "mmm make up sex". One sent in error to me, asking if I went to work...I had just left the house 30 mins. prior!
We separated based on my suspicions...guess who she moved in with(she had no place to go was her rational). I discovered cards from him to her professing his love(dating back to even before we separated). Despite all this we moved back together because of the kids...all along her denying any romantic involvement. About six months later, I later discovered a souvenir glass from a hotel in our city stuffed at the back of her closet, then a diary entry speaking of a hotel visit withlimo with this guy. I obtained a hotel receipt indicating he did book a room at this hotel. After confronting her with this, she denied it and then about three hours later professed she had planted the glass and the diary entry(that was her explanation for the cards too..that they were planted). She has said she is not that "trampy" and would never do such a thing. I point blank told her I do not believe and want the complete truth. I finally had enough and told her I am leaving...she finally confessed to "sleeping with him"...just one time before we got back together. Later in the evening, she backtracked and said it was just a kiss in the dark with her still in her bra and that was all.
Am I an idiot to believe any of this???????? My health(mentally and physically) is a shambles because of this..yet I can't leave when I know there is still more to the story...help!!!!


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

hammerhead said:


> Am I an idiot to believe any of this?


Your wife engaged in a long lasting, sexual affair with this man, and it started before you separated.

You know this. She knows that you know this.

The obvious and ridiculous fantasy that some or all of these things never happened can only persist if both of you ... _*you and your wife*_ ... need that fantasy for some reason.

It is not too hard to understand why your wife wants to protect the "fairy tale" that her full-blown and long lasting affair was less than it really was.

The real question is, what do you get from this "fairy tale"? Why do you tolerate this nonsense?

If you two are going to move on, you must both deal with reality. She will have to won up to everything. You will have to forgive her for everything. None of this can start until the two of you stop playing the hide-n-seek game.

Good luck.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Hey hammerhead guy...!!
Its very clear that more went on.. Don't let her toy with your head. She totally toyed with you... Seems (based on how you wrote) that the threeway conversation probably was held with HIM before you and more went on behind your back. If thats enough for you to leave then just leave... forget the truth from her.
If you're inclined to stay with her once you get the truth STOP making her think you're going to spazz out if she tells you the truth.
If you love her and you think maybe you can get past whatever the truth is... Get to counseling together and make sure that your search for the "truth" is only in the aim of repairing your marriage and getting closer to wife.... any other goal is just torture to you and unecessary... 

good luck!! seems very broken... Has she had any contact for ling time now with the other guy?


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