# Would a husband want to know?



## Feelingbad27 (Mar 26, 2014)

Back story: Hubby and I have been married for 8 years and have two kids. We are high school sweethearts and I have always been 100% faithful to him. He has never physically cheated but I know that he has emotionally cheated once with an ex girlfriend when we were having some issues after about 2 years of marriage which I found out about because I did some research and he finally confessed after I presented all of the evidence.

Last night I met this guy online through another social media site who works in the area and I have never met him but I have heard of him from friends. He asked to Facebook message me and I said yes. Before I knew it the conversation had gone from work related to him talking about how sexy I was in my photos and how he would love to meet up. I told him I was married and he said that he was married too. He told me that he loved his wife but she didn't show him any affection and that he had needs as a man. I told him I had the same issue with my husband who comes home from work and falls asleep on the couch and that the only time he shows me affection is when he is drunk and/or wants sex. He ended telling me the things he wanted to do to me but I just keep saying things like ok, that sounds good... Stuff like that... He sent me pictures of him at work and also nude pictures. He asked for pictures of me so I sent 2 pictures to him but none of them were nude or even close to it! He kept telling me how sexy I was and how much he wanted to meet up and I will be honest it was so nice to hear someone actually showing some type of interest in me! He ended up asking me to meet him at a hotel later this week and I told him that as nice as it was to be wanted by someone else I just couldn't do it. Even though I didn't get too much into the sexual side of the conversation I am now having a huge guilt trip because I have never ever done anything like this before and I could never hurt my husband like this even though he as emotionally cheated.

Would you married men want your wife to confess something like this or would you rather not know?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

As difficult as it sounds the best thing you could do is let your H know. Let him know all of your feelings about it particularly the part where he is neglecting his responsibility as your spouse. 

It seems as if you have been lucky enough to dodge this bullet but if you two do not take measures to correct the problems in your relationship I would venture to say it will not be long before you are at the hotel with that creep or another like him.

What he did is disgusting. Next time he reaches out, and he will, let him know he is never to contact you again.


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## Feelingbad27 (Mar 26, 2014)

Thanks RClawson! I never meant for the conversation to go anywhere near what it did and honestly it was a one sided conversation the whole time on his end. I was never going to meet him or do anything with him and I did tell him that. It was certainly a wake up call for me and I now know that I need to talk to my husband about our marriage and fix it!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

First of all, you showed me that your a woman with a brain because the guy your talking to will do/say anything if he knows there's a chance that he can meet up and get his kicks. I'm glad you didn't do anything stupid like send him nude photos but you did like the feeling of being desired. Who doesn't.

Now you have a problem if you should tell your husband. In a way maybe you should. Maybe it will wake his ass up and start to realize that there are men out there that would want to be with you. 

Sometimes people need to have a fire lit under them to make them see the light.

If you decide to tell him, just choose your words carefully and let him know that you need more from him and lets hope it wakes him up to the fact that he can be on the losing side if he doesn't. Good luck.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You're actually lucky this happened when it did.
You now "know" the problems in your marriage can't be ignored.

Talk to your husband and yes tell him what happened but do it in the context that you are afraid of what is happening in your relationship with him.

Use it as a springboard to fix it.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

tacoma said:


> You're actually lucky this happened when it did.
> You now "know" the problems in your marriage can't be ignored.
> 
> Talk to your husband and yes tell him what happened but do it in the context that you are afraid of what is happening in your relationship with him.
> ...


Yes, as someone who had a similar experience to Feeling’s situation this is a “gift” a “wake-up” call if you will. And a chance to get the marriage back on the right track. If she hides it, hoping it will go away – it won’t. The underlying issues need to be fixed or next time, and there will be one, the story will have a different ending – most likely.


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## Feelingbad27 (Mar 26, 2014)

Thank you all! I will gather my thoughts over the next day or so and then sit my husband down and talk about it and talk about us. This was a total wake up call!


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

I wouldn't want to know, at all, never.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I wouldnt want to know either.

I would want to know that you are feeling underapprcieated but not all of that. Just cut it off and never let it get that far again.


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## Feelingbad27 (Mar 26, 2014)

Thanks tornado and sinnister! 

Talking to my husband about feeling unappreciated didn't go very well the last time I tried (it ended in a huge argument) but it can't hurt to try again. 

Believe me it was never supposed to get that far and it won't ever even get close to it ever again!


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

My husband would certainly want to know. I tell him everything anyway, but if somebody was messaging stuff like that, he most certainly would want to know.

Be honest, tell him and get it all out in the open, I believe you would feel much better.

It sounds to me like your just lonely and in need of a bit of attention.

Tell your husband how your feeling.


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## Feelingbad27 (Mar 26, 2014)

Thanks melw74!

I am certainly going to be taking a few days to gather my thoughts and then talk with my husband. Yes, I feel so alone in this marriage and I was dumb to think that the attention from some stranger would be harmless. I was very wrong.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

Your a human being, your attracted to other people. Normal. Should the conversation went that far, probably not but its scared you and that's good. Lesson learned, but it helps nothing by telling your husband.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Feelingbad27 said:


> Thanks RClawson! I never meant for the conversation to go anywhere near what it did and honestly it was a one sided conversation the whole time on his end. I was never going to meet him or do anything with him and I did tell him that. It was certainly a wake up call for me and I now know that I need to talk to my husband about our marriage and fix it!


Whoa, time to start learning to take responsibility for your words and actions! You started complaining to the guy about your husband -- that's giving him an opening. And you didn't shut down the conversation, in fact you actively encouraged it by continuing to tell him "ok" "that sounds good" or whatever you actually said. You are really not being honest with yourself.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

OP, same story on a third thread now?

FWIW, I would definitely want to know. That is, I would want to know where the pitfalls in my marriage are, open and uncamouflaged.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Some on here would tell you to confess no matter what. I don't always advise that. The question is do you trust yourself? Based on what I've read I'm not sure you do. For folks like us its the attention that can lead you to stray. If you confess I think you can prevent yourself from walking down this path in the future.


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## Feelingbad27 (Mar 26, 2014)

ReformedHubby: To be honest this whole thing has scared the living day lights out of me. I have heard from husbands whose wives did the same thing but took it to the next level and I could never imagine making my husband be that guy. I messed up, yes, I take full responsibility and now I have to live with that. I am going to sit on it until the weekend and get my thoughts together before making the decision. Thank you for the advice!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wouldn't you want to know if a sleazy wh0re was sending your H nude pictures and graphic sex talk? Get real!

Of course you would want to know. This shouldn't even be a question. Marriage takes communication and you've got a big issue to communicate. Keep playing with this and I predict your marriage will be through in short order.

I want my wife open with me. You both own the problems in your marriage. You own 100% looking at another man naked and allowing him to explain what he wants to do to you. You sunk pretty low there.

Better take it seriously enough to let your H know your marriage is in a pretty dangerous place.

Think about it, you opened your personal life, including your H, to a total loser piece of sh!t. 

I hope you never let yourself sink that low again. Hope you guys can improve your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Feelingbad27 said:


> ReformedHubby: To be honest this whole thing has scared the living day lights out of me. I have heard from husbands whose wives did the same thing but took it to the next level and I could never imagine making my husband be that guy. I messed up, yes, I take full responsibility and now I have to live with that. I am going to sit on it until the weekend and get my thoughts together before making the decision. Thank you for the advice!


Look, all I can say is don't end up like me. I almost lost everything over nothing. I wasn't seeking out partners, but the problem was I never said no when the opportunity presented itself (when not sober that is). None of it was worth it, I cared absolutely nothing about those people and I ended up hurting the one person that loved me most. 

Tread carefully here. For all my faults I've always been honest with myself. If you're the type of person that will think about it for a few days and convince yourself everything is fine you may need to rethink that. Part of the appeal of the OM/OW is the attention. For me at that time in my life I had a need to prove that I "still had it". Seems so stupid now. Not everyone is lucky enough to be married to someone who is so forgiving. Shut that guy out of your life forever. Today. Don't look back.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Also, I think I disagree with some here who think this presents an opportunity to talk about marital problems. I really dislike that approach -- to me it's like blackmail. I would keep those two conversations separate.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Has nothing to do with blackmail. She recently approached her H about issues in the marriage and it sounds if she got a "whatever". She does not have to be graphic but a simple some d-bag approached me about hooking up and while I had no problems turning him away I felt attractive for the first time in a long time. 

The bottom line is there are always points in our lives when we are vulnerable. If the time is right and the right (wrong) person is coming onto us many of us will fall if things at home are standing on a weak foundation.


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## SirLoin (Mar 24, 2014)

So, you resent your husband because he only shows you affection when he wants sex, but you appreciate a stranger using his first and only conversation with you to propose having sex? I'm not seeing much difference there.

You're obviously open to the possibility of an affair. I know you don't think you are. But you're wrong. You're just rationalizing. You think you can play with fire and not get burned. You can message with strangers on Facebook because it's not about sex, it's about finding a new pen pal. You can look at the naked pictures a man sends you because you're not planning on having sex. You can send clothed, but probably sexy, pictures of yourself back to him because you're not planning on sex. You can meet for drinks because you're not planning on sex. You can go to a hotel because you're not planning on sex. You can get naked because you're not planning on sex. Whoops! You had sex. I wonder how that happened? It must have been an accident.

Given your irrational thought processes right now, I suggest you tell your husband about your missteps, offer to write a letter of non-contact to the other man, let your husband send it, contact the other man's wife with news of his trolling for sex online, and stop using Facebook. Facebook is the best tool in an adulterer's toolbox. Some people just can't handle the power it offers responsibly.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It may not be outright blackmail but I do agree that if you're going to own this situation you need to own it. To confess it in the context of a discussion about his lack of affection is like blaming him for your choice. There were other choices available.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Best advice I can give you is STAY AWAY FROM FACEBOOK

You are inviting people/strangers into your life that would never EVER had a chance or an option to be there.

You are going down a path of self destruction......

I won't tell you if you should or shouldn't tell your husband know, but I will tell you that he will not be happy and you have violated his trust.

It also sounds like your marriage is broken and you are doing quite opposite of fixing.

I would probably suggest to end it if you completely given up (from the sound of it you did?)


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