# need some help with wife...



## 845dad (May 28, 2014)

how do you know if your wife is suffering from depression or something else?

For a little backstory my wife's knickname growing up was poor chubby ******. When I met her she may bave been 140lbs which was totally fine by me. Shortly thereafter she started to go hard at the gym (15 years ago) and lost weight and got ripped. flash to the future afte each of the 3 kids 11,8 and 4 she definitely seems to suffer from post partem depression for about a year of so. But after the last one she got hooked on crossfit going at least 3 hours a day. She still holds a grudge because the house was trashed and I told her her job was a housewife and not a gym rat (i explained when I wasn't at work I would help with whatever needed to be done) Then she got into strong woman competitions. Her new gym's owner where she would spend 25 hours a week ended up being the other man. Even after she was found out by the owners wife and booted from the gym she is a fanatic getting up at 530 to go to the gym before work. All else takes a back seat the kids me her job (well not so much her job now as she is trying to save up money for a divorce)...She has even said she feels that it is her purpose in life right now to compete in strongwoman. 

My question is how do you go about getting her help because some of the things she says and does just aren't the most normal.

another thing to add is she can't stand to be home even if I am at work ..she is always taking the kids out to do stuff or visit family


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## 845dad (May 28, 2014)

I forgot to add her periods have been completely erratic for the last year 2 weeks apart alot up to six weeks apart. I think pre menopause (43 years old) maybe happening but she really defensive/angry if I ask anything or suggest she get it looked at.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

My friend you two have a lot of things gong wrong, bad marriage, lack of empathy on both sides, disinterest on both sides in making the other one happy, dominance issues (each one of you has decided he/she is in charge). Your solution not surprisingly is how do I get her to shape up and do what I want. ("My question is how do you go about getting her help because some of the things she says and does just aren't the most normal."). 

One solution is obviously divorce. Otherwise, you have to accept some of what she believes is important. Try to work on getting the house in shape when she is exercising, compliment her on how good she looks, if she wants to go in a contest, tell you that you will support her. Perhaps once you make some type of effort, she can do likewise, and accommodate her avocation to her household responsibilities. 

If you didn't have kids, one could say call it a day but with children, I think couples need to work hard at preserving the marriage. So I think the first step is for you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If she's the proverbial gym rat irregular periods are not uncommon even at younger se. Still worth checking with a health care person.

The rest of the behaviors, well, she seems to have found "a purpose" for her life. And like all new jihadis she's putting all her effort into the new jihad.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

john117 said:


> If she's the proverbial gym rat irregular periods are not uncommon even at younger se. Still worth checking with a health care person.
> 
> The rest of the behaviors, well, she seems to have found "a purpose" for her life. And like all new jihadis she's putting all her effort into the new jihad.


Look up Paula Broadwell your wife is pretty much doing the same thing.
If she is doing steroids her testosterone level is through the roof and she is horny as all hell.
Get a psych eval asap and get primary custody.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

A person can be addicted to exercise, too. But usually no one complains about that. She could be depressed and using exercise, and the corresponding endorphins, to "self medicate".

The periods are likely due to her very low body fat. When a woman's body fat content gets that low, the body knows it can't support a pregnancy and periods disappear. It's a bit early for menopause unless it runs in her family but it could be the start (but I doubt it). I'd also find out about steroid use.

Have you guys worked through the affair? Have you been to marriage counseling? She may be using the body building to feel in control of her body from a past where she was NOT in control - that's not all bad but you two are in a power struggle and no one wins. She could be using exercise as an avoidance technique to avoid addressing the issues that made her unhappy enough to cheat in the first place.

I'd say get her to agree to marriage counseling. You agree to support body building and the time it requires. You make time for a hobby YOU like as well. Compromise.

But IMO your issues go way beyond the possibility of depression.


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## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

Just maybe she needs the assurance of someone telling her how good and sexy she looks and the bloke at the gym did


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

marriedandlonely said:


> Just maybe she needs the assurance of someone telling her how good and sexy she looks and the bloke at the gym did


Nice, blame the husband for the affair.


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