# How to cheer-up my husband?



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

My husband is stuck in the wrong job,worng place,wrong surrounding for a year now. He hates it to the core but we need the job as it gives us our daily bread. I don't work presently because I took a break to start my graduate program and so we need this job. 
But, he is so unhappy here. No one appreciates his work and all the work is dumped on him. Initially, when he told me all this, abotu a year back, I did not believe him. Later, I went to his work place, met his colleagues etc and all were praising him for his work and patience to handle his job. I so feel bad for him. We are searching a new job for him for almost 8 months now but in vain. We are even ready to move to a different state/city(right now we are in NY). Still things are not working out. I hope the Lord takes us out of this situation soon. He is soo unahppy and stressed out and I cannot see him this way. I try to give a good surrounding at hom by cooking good food, being patient and loving,taking care of all the other responsibilities etc.
Moreover, I have my GMAT test(standardized test) in 2 months and I'm not even able to concentrate because of these issues at home. I cannot even share all this with husband as he is already far too stressed out than me.

How can I keep him cheer ful and less stressed out and keep him going till he finds a better job? I am just not able to see him this way. It just breaks me down daily in the morning. I'm scared that he wil go into depression(he is already sad and unhappy a lot).

Please pour in any suggestions or opinions.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I'd venture a guess that there are a ton of people unhappy in their jobs. In this economy, he should be happy he even HAS one. That doesn't keep him from being unhappy with it, though. I know telling me to "count your blessings" when I'm unhappy about something doesn't do me any good at all. 

Sounds like you're doing what you can. I'm sure you listen to him vent about work as well, until YOU want to pull your hair out. Try to fit in some things that will help get his mind off of things. Go for walks in the park (getting outside can do wonders...vitamin D and all). Go listen to some new bands. I don't know what all is in your area (I'd be hard pressed to come up with much in mine) but do a little looking around and see what there is that y'all can do to get him out and take his mind off of things. You're going to have to make it a semi-regular thing, though. As much as you possibly can.

Good luck on the job search!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband and I long ago had this idea, we work to make money, we make money so we can have a nice carefree life, we don't seek happiness at our working place, we try to get along with everybody, we do our job, make sure that our jobs are secure, then get our salary, enjoy our life. 

A loving wife can be great comfort for a man, if he knows that his wife appreciates his sacrifice, it is a kind of comfort for him. 

We as wives often bring pressure on ourselves when our husbands are under stress, but us here panicking can't help the situation at all. Do our best to make his home life more relaxed, listen to him when he needs to vent, but don't get worried. You only need to be worried when there is no money!


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I think a good place to start would be to leave work at work. Easier said than done, I know, but it he's already miserable at work, there's no need for him to be miserable at home during his free time! I agree with majormisfit's ideas to go try new things together. When he comes home, don't talk about work anymore, but go do something fun! Make it so that he looks forward to coming home not just because it means he gets to leave work but because it means he has something enjoyable to do.

I disagree with greenpearl's attitude towards work. I was probably raised totally differently, but I grew up determined to pick a career that made me happy and that was enjoyable. I don't view jobs as "just for the money;" I feel like if you're going to be spending 40+ hours per week somewhere, you might as well have some fun while you're there! I do agree with her though on the importance of free time with family...Really, family is just more important and while you're "lucky" to have a job at all, you're really incredibly lucky to have each other 

It's wonderful that you're looking for new jobs but I'm sorry you haven't found anything yet. It can be rough in this economy! I would strongly strongly suggest that your husband sit down and really think hard about what he WANTS to do. What's his ideal career? And by "ideal" I don't necessarily mean the one that pays the most. What would he ideally LOVE to spend 40+ hours per week doing? (This is just brainstorming, I don't mean that he should go out and be a street mime if that's his passion). Think about his personality, hobbies, skills, strengths, weaknesses, etc. He might be looking for jobs in the wrong field because of the money...If he picks a field he will truly love, the money has a better chance of flowing naturally as a result of his passion/joy. It will also be easier to get hired and stay hired. Just some thoughts--I'm not sure if you've already done this or not lol, so if you have then keep up the good work!


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

major misfit said:


> Try to fit in some things that will help get his mind off of things. Go for walks in the park (getting outside can do wonders...vitamin D and all). Go listen to some new bands. I don't know what all is in your area (I'd be hard pressed to come up with much in mine) but do a little looking around and see what there is that y'all can do to get him out and take his mind off of things. You're going to have to make it a semi-regular thing, though. As much as you possibly can.
> 
> Good luck on the job search!


major misfit, Yeah...I'm going to try to get some activities into our daily schedule so that there is a change and his mind is off office stuff.


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> We as wives often bring pressure on ourselves when our husbands are under stress, but us here panicking can't help the situation at all.


 Exactly! I get so stressed out when my husband is worried/under pressure. I, first, need to calm myself down andm ake him feel even more comfortable especially when he gets home.


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

lime said:


> I think a good place to start would be to leave work at work. Easier said than done, I know, but it he's already miserable at work, there's no need for him to be miserable at home during his free time! I agree with majormisfit's ideas to go try new things together. When he comes home, don't talk about work anymore, but go do something fun! Make it so that he looks forward to coming home not just because it means he gets to leave work but because it means he has something enjoyable to do.


Yes,lime. It is so hard for him to leave his work related worries at work. He somehow carries it home like baggage! I'm going to find it hard to make him change this habit, if at all he is ready to change this. I'm still thinking of what activities we both can pursue in the evenings so that he will look forward to something. I know thath e looks forward to dinner because I make sure I cook up a nice meal for him. I bake a lot of goodies too ocassionally to keep him happy.

I'm so scared about my test that is coming up. I'm just not able to concentrate and study. I hope the lord gives us the strength to pass through this.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

lime said:


> I disagree with greenpearl's attitude towards work. I was probably raised totally differently, but I grew up determined to pick a career that made me happy and that was enjoyable. I don't view jobs as "just for the money;" I feel like if you're going to be spending 40+ hours per week somewhere, you might as well have some fun while you're there! I do agree with her though on the importance of free time with family...Really, family is just more important and while you're "lucky" to have a job at all, you're really incredibly lucky to have each other


Lime, 

I have to defend myself here, I enjoy my job a lot, I enjoy my job even more by thinking like this!  I guess we might be thinking something different. I used to seek approval of others, I found this to be a very silly thing for me to do. Now I just focus on my teaching and make sure that my students learn well and they are happy. I don't care about how other teachers think of me. In fact, I do a better job, they respect me even more( or I just don't care what they think of me any more, I am nice to them, I smile at them when I see them, I don't care what they say about me behind my back since I don't tell them anything about me). Since I know my money comes from this job, and I need that money, I try harder working, because I don't want to lose my job. I teach 22 hours a week, means I work 22 hours, I cherish this job. Most of my time in class is enjoyable, except the time when the slow students are not paying attention.

And I just enjoy teaching students, seeing them learn what I teach, I am happy. And kids are happy creatures, I like to be around kids. 

My students are from ten-year old to 18-year old!


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Lime,
> 
> I have to defend myself here, I enjoy my job a lot, I enjoy my job even more by thinking like this!  I guess we might be thinking something different. I used to seek approval of others, I found this to be a very silly thing for me to do. Now I just focus on my teaching and make sure that my students learn well and they are happy. I don't care about how other teachers think of me. In fact, I do a better job, they respect me even more( or I just don't care what they think of me any more, I am nice to them, I smile at them when I see them, I don't care what they say about me behind my back since I don't tell them anything about me). Since I know my money comes from this job, and I need that money, I try harder working, because I don't want to lose my job. I teach 22 hours a week, means I work 22 hours, I cherish this job. Most of my time in class is enjoyable, except the time when the slow students are not paying attention.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you find your job fulfilling!  That makes sense that you picked something you liked, but money increases your motivation.

I do have problems though with people who _want_ to feel like martyrs for working at a job they hate (The OP's husband is not like this at all, neither are you GP! I'm just giving an example of a bad attitude some people have). People want to "slave away" because it makes them feel morally superior to others...As in, "look what I have to sacrifice to provide for my family, blah blah blah." Some people, like the OP's husband, really DO have to sacrifice things. Others, like the people I'm trying to describe, DON'T have to. They have the power to pursue a job they really love, but CHOOSE not to because they want all the brownie points for their "suffering." 

...ANYWAY, back to the original topic.  

To the OP, I'm sorry that you're so stressed with the GMAT! Are you taking any prep classes or doing self study? I had to study for a similar standardized test last summer, and self studied. It does take a lot of motivation, but for me it was a better decision than paying Kaplan thousands of dollars. Regardless of your study method, I think it's important to actually make yourself a physical schedule to follow. Don't just "study," but make an outline, like "today I will read these 2 chapters and do 10 practice problems" or whatever. If you have a concrete task to complete, you're less likely to daydream or revert back to worrying. It's easy to worry if you see piles of work in front of you, but if you only have two more problems and then you're done for the day, you'll finish those two problems! Try and put yourself on a daily study schedule and make the decisions about what to do each day at the start of each week or at the start of each month...If you have time, you could make yourself a whole 2-month schedule in one sitting.

If it makes you feel any better, I studied less than 2 months altogether for my test, so you have plenty of time!  One other tip: try and do one practice test per week at the library or something. It will get you used to the format and also give you feedback on your progress.

Last tip for stress relief: try doing a brief yoga session before you study to clear your mind. There are free yoga classes online that you can try. I find that yoga is a great way to calm down and center myself (I'm kind of into that hippy stuff though lol!)


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> i just try and listen more, and be understanding when he is angry and needs to vent.
> 
> ...


I'm going to practice more of this. I really need to be more patient with him.Sometimes, I just snap back at him asking him to be more positive about things and poor Hubby,he just keeps quiet.


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

lime said:


> To the OP, I'm sorry that you're so stressed with the GMAT! Are you taking any prep classes or doing self study? I had to study for a similar standardized test last summer, and self studied. It does take a lot of motivation, but for me it was a better decision than paying Kaplan thousands of dollars.


lime,I'm going to do self-study. Although, I'm thinking of joining prep classes. But,still wondering if it will fit into our budget. Its like $1000-1500 for prep courses. I already took the test in oct this year and totally screwed up. I could not concentrate on studying coz of this same thing(husband's job). I used to worry about it continuosly and scored a disastrous 500 on the test 



lime said:


> Regardless of your study method, I think it's important to actually make yourself a physical schedule to follow. Don't just "study," but make an outline, like "today I will read these 2 chapters and do 10 practice problems" or whatever. If you have a concrete task to complete, you're less likely to daydream or revert back to worrying. It's easy to worry if you see piles of work in front of you, but if you only have two more problems and then you're done for the day, you'll finish those two problems!


This is a great tip! Thanks. I'm going to make a plan. Since I have quit my job, I can pretty much dedicate 2-3 hours a day as per my convenience.


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