# Wife has become way too dependent



## Malek (Nov 19, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for 3 years at this point, but in the past year things have started to change and I really can't pinpoint why.

To put it frankly she has become way too emotionally dependent upon my presence. She does not have a job, and these days can rarely get through the day without becoming a complete crying wreck unless I go home during my lunch break and usually taking an extended lunch break to spend time with her, which is something I can do at my current job.

When we first got married, and for the first 2 years, we both had our own things we did on our own certain nights of the week. She sometimes had evening classes and when she didn't have class she would go to Aikido classes at least twice a week, something she had been doing for years. Once or twice a week I would go to a local gaming store to play tabletop games with friends there.

Over the past year, for some reason I haven't been able to identify, this has changed drastically. She doesn't go to her martial arts classes as much as she used to even when she doesn't have class. She is getting more and more unhappy that I go to the gaming store each week, which is the only time I really have to myself anymore. Oh, and I only go once a week now because she was getting too upset at me going twice a week. 

I do really love her but frankly this is becoming a bit ridiculous. I am no longer able to hang out with my friends and have fun with my own hobbies because she has become so possessive of my time and so dependent upon me being with her every waking moment.

To put this all into context she does have some health issues. She suffers from a rather extreme case of insomnia that, if she didn't take medication for it, could literally see her going for over a week without being able to fall asleep. To combat this she is on a variety of medications that are extremely sedating. Currently she is taking Seroquel, Thorazine, and Doral, as well as Seasonique birth control. The first 2 of those are known for bad side effects, and the third one isn't widely studied yet.

I'm kind of at my wits end here, and really don't know what to do. Any suggestions, ideas, or whatever?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This sounds exactly like what happened to my STBX, everything she does has to involve me somehow even when I didn't want it to. I just fell out of love slowly day by day it seems, because I still remembered that independent woman all those years ago before marriage.

She pretty much - lost herself

I don't know how to advice mate, but know that you're not alone


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I think the first step should be a visit to the doctor and some bloodwork. This may be something out of her control. Of course it could be mental as well but you certainly need to rule out anything medical first.

Good luck.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

Malek said:


> My wife and I have been married for 3 years at this point, but in the past year things have started to change and I really can't pinpoint why.
> 
> To put it frankly she has become way too emotionally dependent upon my presence. She does not have a job, and these days can rarely get through the day without becoming a complete crying wreck unless I go home during my lunch break and usually taking an extended lunch break to spend time with her, which is something I can do at my current job.
> 
> ...


She's on Thorazine???? Seriously?


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

You sound very frustrated. I can see why. Life has thrown you a pretty tough challenge, but that dosen't mean you have to foresake your own happiness and individuality. It might help you to view this as 2 separate issues.

There is a medical issue. There are many ways to attack that. I've never really had to deal with something like that but it certainly sounds like a 2nd or 3rd opinion might be a good place to start.

The other issue is dependancy. I hate to break this to you, but you are being as dependant on her as she is being on you. The resentment is clear from your post. You are not caring for her, you are care taking her.

This is a street that has disaster all over it. It's good that you are out looking for some help on this issue now.

How do you feel about self help books? I would imagine Co Dependancy books would be good, as well as some of the spiritual men's books (note, not religious, spiritual). The Way of The Superior Man strikes me as a very bold counterpoint to where you are at in your marriage right now.

I think you will have to explore some serious, deep seated attitude adjustments to keep yourself in a healthy place.


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