# I'm not in love with my wife?



## deeplystressed (Apr 11, 2011)

Hi I'm new to this (or any) forum and I need some advice. I dont feel in love with my wife anymore. It's a bit of a story to fill you in on everything but I think its nessecary to get the right picture somplease read on, Thanks.

My wife and I got married 2 and a half years ago in June. I moved away to where we live now 6 months befor our wedding to start a job, my wife stayed to finish college and wedding plan. When I got back down to her, 2 weeks befor our wedding things seemed different. She was very moody and ackting selfish (more than usual) I chalked it up to stress of the wedding and finishing school but my gut told me to call the whole thing off. I didn't of course. After the wedding I started to feel like I may have made a mistake, it was 2 nights after our wedding night that she finaly wanted to consumate the marriage. The next day I flew home and her and her family drove up the Al-Can.

While I was home I spent all day and night working and building us an apartment. It wasnt quite finished when she got here so I thought that she would want to help finish it up so we could move out of my mom's ASAP. Not the case, in fact she refused to help, saying it was her last summer break and she wasn't going to waste it working on MY project. Then we found out she was pregnant. a few days later the apartment was ready to paint and I again begged her for help. Nothing, just the excuse that she couldn't paint while pregnant. (I checked in to it, latex paint is fine in a well ventilated area, which we had.)
Our relationship was pretty much like that for the next year and a half. she was lazy, selfish, would only do the bare minimum around the house. I started my own business and she swore she would help make it work. I was still working full time while doing this. As her pregnancy progressed she became more irritable (understandibly) refused to do anything and used being pregnant as an excuse for everything. She got it in her mind that the next 9 months were her time to do whatever. She is a teacher and still went to work but that was about it. She refused to exercise and did not eat very healthy(partly my fault) and as a result gained about 200 pounds. She was not in the best shape to begin with so now she was grossly overweight and had a horrible attitude to go with it.

I was not raised in the same way that she was and because of her attitude and actions she pretty much alienated us from my family. Her needieness also made me quite my full time job when our son was born because I had to travel almost every week and she said that she would not raise our son alone. She also said that she would alow me to work in my shop more so I could build my business. It did not happen like that at all. I got about 6 hours a day in at the shop and spent the rest of the day running around for her, taking care of the dogs, not sleeping at night, cooking all of the meals and doing almost all of the house chores.
That sums up our relationship for the last 2 years.

We went to counseling and it helped us communicate. We talked a lot and it helped her understand thea she needed to change. The past 4 months have been ok. She is doind everything right around the house and letting me be in the shop 10 hours a day on the weekends (I take care of our son while she works during the week and go to the shop in the evenings). She is even trying to patch things together with my family.

So, she is making every effort to change and be a productive member of our family. The problem, she is still WAY over weight(she is working on it though) and I don't feel like our personalities are good together. I feel no connection to her anymore. I love my son dearly but I feel traped in this marriage that I dont feel emotionaly connected to. She knows that we're on the edge of divorce and I see her making the effort but I feel its too little to late. We go on dates and I'll be excited when we go out the door but be the time dinner is going I just cant wait to get away from her. I know this is not fair to her or myself. What can I do? I'm not in love with my wife anymore.


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

Is there another woman in the picture? Not accusing, just asking.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

sorry to bring this up but with you being away from her for so long, you sure thats your child?

if she is REALLY trying i would probably REALLY try myself, not already thinking this is not working or will not work, but REALLY trying.
give it a little bit of time to really possibly work out and if not after a reasonable amount of time then probably best to go before things truly get bad for either of you.
and also what hoops said.


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## deeplystressed (Apr 11, 2011)

No ther is no other woman. And yes I'm positive its my child. I am really trying it just gets hard to fake it. I tell her I love her everyday and try and do nice things for her and it just makes me feel upset because I know its not how I feel.
She is going to visit her family at the end of May when school gets out and I'm staying here. I'v forced seperation on us befor by cutting my vacation short to come back and work. It's always a nice break and at the end I'm excited to see her, but when she shows up its always a big let down.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If I were you, I'd do one last attempt at fixing things, before you call it quits. It's logical for you to be disappointed when she doesn't meet YOUR Emotional Needs. You can only be a 100% Giver for so long.

IF she is truly recognizing her mistakes and trying to fix herself, give it some more time. Get the book His Needs Her Needs and learn about the program I'm suggesting. Then, go to marriagebuilders.com and print out Love Busters and Emotional Needs questionnaires and both of you fill them out. Then share with each other; it will EXPLAIN to both of you what you need to do for the other person. I think that, if you both concentrate on being a good partner, you can rekindle the love. And you need to focus on spending 15 hours a week together away from child time and chore time. Go on dates. Do new things. Play board games. Do fun stuff together like when you were dating. It really does work.


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## deeplystressed (Apr 11, 2011)

Thanks for the advice, I'll give that a shot


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