# New member post



## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

I've been married for close to two decades. I'm here both to learn and hopefully, in some way, be able to help others.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Welcome to TAM -- lots of good folks here!


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Tell more about you.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Welcome! 🤗


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## Jakpoan01 (May 10, 2021)

Twodecades said:


> I've been married for close to two decades. I'm hear both to learn and hopefully, in some way, be able to help others.


Hello, I will like your advice please. My husband litters a lot and doesn’t seem to have a problem with that even after I complain. I clean up after him and I am getting tired, he leaves banana peels on the kitchen counter every time even when the trash can is just next to him, cleaning the bathroom floor after he pees, and so many more. I need help, I don’t know how else to talk to him about this matter. It’s been causing issues between us.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jakpoan01 said:


> Hello, I will like your advice please. My husband litters a lot and doesn’t seem to have a problem with that even after I complain. I clean up after him and I am getting tired, he leaves banana peels on the kitchen counter every time even when the trash can is just next to him, cleaning the bathroom floor after he pees, and so many more. I need help, I don’t know how else to talk to him about this matter. It’s been causing issues between us.


Have you tried not cleaning up after him? My wife usually threatens to throw the crap I leaving around on my side of the bed, lol.

Seriously though, don't do it for him. Leave it.


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## Jakpoan01 (May 10, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Have you tried not cleaning up after him? My wife usually threatens to throw the crap I leaving around on my side of the bed, lol.
> 
> Seriously though, don't do it for him. Leave it.


I honestly have tried to ignore it but I can’t stand dirt and he knows this, urine on the floor makes the bathroom sting.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

If you have different tolerances of what is acceptable, then not cleaning things up after him and letting it get yucky probably won't work. What I've done with kids is put trash and items they leave out on their beds. However, since your husband isn't your child, that approach is risky. You could ask him if there are things that you do that bother him, and make him a deal that if he works on his issues you'll work on yours. You could threaten to move out and stay with someone else until he cleans the house up and keeps it clean, but that might backfire. I, personally, wouldn't torch a marriage over this issue. (And the urine on/around the toilet will happen if you have male children. Trust me.)

Are you newly married? Ultimately, you have to choose the hills you're willing to die on. Gently, you must have had a clue before you married that he was messy.


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## Jakpoan01 (May 10, 2021)

Twodecades said:


> If you have different tolerances of what is acceptable, then not cleaning things up after him and letting it get yucky probably won't work. What I've done with kids is put trash and items they leave out on their beds. However, since your husband isn't your child, that approach is risky. You could ask him if there are things that you do that bother him, and make him a deal that if he works on his issues you'll work on yours. You could threaten to move out and stay with someone else until he cleans the house up and keeps it clean, but that might backfire. I, personally, wouldn't torch a marriage over this issue. (And the urine on/around the toilet will happen if you have male children. Trust me.)
> 
> Are you newly married? Ultimately, you have to choose the hills you're willing to die on. Gently, you must have had a clue before you married that he was messy.


Hi, we’ve been married for 3 and half years. But it was long distance due to immigration wait time and all. Although I was visiting him at our home country before he immigrated here two months ago.
He wasn’t this messy, though most times when I go to visit him he would leave his clothes and shoes scattered in the living room and I would pick it up or when he remembers he picks them up. It’s our first time living together for over a month and I didn’t think it was gonna be like this.


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