# what is it like around them now



## mike82 (Oct 24, 2011)

its such a tightrope with regauards on how to be around the ex spouse. after all that has happened in my situation i dont really say much to her. everyones situation is different. i would imagine some ex spouses cant stand each other, some get along, some cant be in the same room, and some are good friends, im interested to know, particularly from people who have kids involved, what is your relationship like now with the ex. 

my situation goes like this, back in the begining of the year i was friendly with the ex wife. we would converse about life and what we were doing with ourselfs. after a month or so i realized that i dont really want to talk to this woman. i really wanted nothing to do with her not reguarding the kids. so i basically started keeping it very short with her at times. i forgave her for her actions of cheating back last year around november. so basically now the only time i see her is on saturday afternoon exchanging the kids. all i ever say is anything concerning the kids, sometimes theres nothing to be said reguarding kids so i just say see ya next saturday. i show no emotion i barely even look at her. im not ignorant or mean in anyway, and niether is she, in fact shes always offering to go pick up a perscription for the kids if their sick when i have them, or drop off different coats for kids. she even bought me a small birthday present last month and gave it to the kids to give to me, with a card from kids. she has been nice, i am pretty much indifferent, i dont contact her ever if its not reguarding kids, my answers to anything she asks are one word answers. i just have anything to say to her, and i dont think i ever will. i forgive her for cheating. but can anyone in the world tell me how to forgive someone for making you a part time parent. my kids will be leaving tommarow and i wont see them till weds. thats what really burns me up, the fact that i miss half of my kids lifes. they grow up so damn fast anyway and now this is how it is. i dont think i could ever forgive someone for making me have to miss out on alot of my kids lives. if any of you can your better then me, but maybe ill get there, i really dont see it though. 

so tell me how your interactions are with your ex, im interested to know how your relationship is with them now.how do you feel towards them and how do you act when around them. im wondering if many keep it very short with them like i do, or if you remained friends


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mine comes over to the house three nights a week to do her laundry and see our dogs, while I am at the health club. We time it so we don't have any face to face contact.

She will e-mail me a couple of times a week at most, mainly to talk about the pending divorce or the dogs. That's it.

I have pretty much stayed dark on her.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Haven't seen mine in person or even spoken on the phone in over two months. Not sure how I would react next time I see her, but as time passes I am shifting from missing her to indifference and acceptance. Sloooooow process, however. 

Tonight for example, I'm wondering where she is, what she's doing, but I know I need to stop that. Going to a party tomorrow night, so it will be nice to get out of my head (and house) for a while.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I see mine almost daily. We intentionally designed our custody so that our kids don't have long stretches without seeing the parent not with them. On the days I don't have the kids, I usually break down and go to see them. She is very open about letting me visit any time i want.
On the other hand, she does not visit on her "off" days at all. She has a new life with OM so she lives that life on days I have the kids. 

When she has the kids, we spend tons of time together. I pretend like we are one big happy family and she somewhat plays along. She is always very cold to me and I'm always Mr. Wonderful with her. When she needs something, i'm there for her. When I need something, I'm out of luck.

Interaction between us is very onesided. I'll have to end it sooner or later but I just can't help loving her. I think it is going to take until she moves in with the new guy she cheated with for me to start treating her like a coworker instead of a wife. I really wish I could just be short and cold like you talk about but i can't do it. It is coming though, I can feel my strength building.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sd212...you gotta stop that. It will just ruin you in the long run and you look pathetic to her. Sorry, had to say it. 

When the kids are with her, you should just back off. Just my opinion though.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

the first 3 weeks after he left, i put my hurt feelings aside to try to make it friendly or one "big happy family", i would let him hang in the house with the kid... well that stopped on week 4 when he texted me that he was back with the OW and then proceeded to get angry / threaten that he wouldnt see his kid because i got upset when he told me that. so now we are business/kid only- actually it has mo
ade this a lot easier for me, less emotional. i dont ask about his new life and he is no longer allowed in the house. he keeps trying to be friendly but i pretty much just say "ok" (it was my thearapists suggestion dosent engage him in conversation but let him know i heard cause she thinks hes unstable right now). i only bring up business or kid related issues now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

it's odd, to say the least. Because he's still living here until he finds a new place it's like nothing has really changed except we're separated. We'll have an ordinary conversation and then it will suddenly move to 'so can I have the xxxx'

total torture


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

It's been 9 weeks for me. He left for somebody else. We have to little children together (13 weeks, 23 months). He comes over twice a week to see them. I go to the gym, food shopping, whatever. I don't hang around the house, only to breastfeed. It's actually quite bizarre. When he comes around he's polite and I can't even look at him. I'm polite too, but I don't look at him. Over the phone if I ever phone he does not pick up. Probably because he's with her. If I text about the kids he gets back to me, but never right away. In a few hours. That also sh its me because he used to be texting 24/7 ... when he was still with me. He was on a full time phone shift in case she texted... I know that now. I decided I will be polite, but that where it ends. I'd say don't even try to play a happy family. She doesn't want that, just like my stbx doesn't. They're too busy being in love. Just take the high road, pretend you're ok, save your dignity. She already took too much from you. I'm sorry about the kids. Some people are just so selfish. My guess is the dynamic will change once her new relationship blows up in her face, and sooner or later it will. You don't build happiness on other people's misery. That's all I got


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

sd212 said:


> I see mine almost daily. We intentionally designed our custody so that our kids don't have long stretches without seeing the parent not with them. On the days I don't have the kids, I usually break down and go to see them. She is very open about letting me visit any time i want.
> On the other hand, she does not visit on her "off" days at all. She has a new life with OM so she lives that life on days I have the kids.
> 
> When she has the kids, we spend tons of time together. I pretend like we are one big happy family and she somewhat plays along. She is always very cold to me and I'm always Mr. Wonderful with her. When she needs something, i'm there for her. When I need something, I'm out of luck.
> ...


I'm almost the same, except there is no OM, so, my wife and I are comfortable around each other. We laugh, talk, etc.

I am just playing it cool, hoping that she sees the changes in me, the fun all of us have as a family, reminds her of the good times, and maybe it gives her hope about our M. 

And, sometimes, it hurts, but again, the hurting may be from a fantasy in my head, about the way things were, rather than reality, and her being a different person.

It's so weird a situation now, because I have to detach and yet be friends. But, I do prefer getting along, sharing family time, unafraid to talk to her, etc. than what it was 5 months ago, when we were contesting every minute of co-parenting, at each other's throats, and faking it in front of the children.

Basically, no matter who has the children on the weekends (our co-parenting is 50-50), both of us invite the other to spend the day.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

We've been separated going on 5 months now. At first, we were in counseling together to work on our relationship. We talked every night that he came over after he put the kids down. Just about our past. Airing out our past frustrations. Talking more, *communicating* more than ever in our past 15 years. We had family dinners together 2 out of the 3 weeknights he came over. After my last status check, where he said he didn't want to work on our marriage, that was my cue. We are no longer in counseling, we do not do family dinners, we communicate only regarding the kids. I had to put an end to time together because it was too hard. I was/am willing to work on it, but it takes two. It's pleasant and amicable, but when he comes over on weeknights to be with the kids, I make sure the fridge is stocked for him to cook dinner and I go on my way. I go to support group, run errands, sometimes even sit at Starbucks til I know it's time for him to leave. On the Friday nights he doesn't take the kids to his place for the weekend, he takes them out to dinner. 

Pleasant and amicable. That's it. Anything more only prolongs the hurt and slows down the healing process. Sounds gross, but I guess it's kind of like picking at a scab...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mike82 (Oct 24, 2011)

sd212 i agree with (that girl). i would stop making it so easy for her. shes getting the best of both worlds probrobly thinking to herself this isnt so bad. she hasnt lost you because you are still there for her and she knows that. she knows she could get you back at the drop of a dime. she knows she hasnt lost you, she just put you on the shelf for a little while. make her realize that with the chocies that shes made that she has lost you and you arnt coming back. just my 2 cents


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

we mainly email if something comes up re: ds, and keep it business like.


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