# almost 6 years later



## Crankshaw

almost 6 years after separation, she wanted this, so she can pay for the divorce. 3 years of child support to go, havent seen my kids in over 3 years.
Had a cpl of (very short term) girlfriends, and one (badly) failed relationship, so single I am, and may as well get used to being that
Not complaining here, just saying how it is


----------



## plomito

Do you try to get in touch with your children? 

Sent from my SM-N920T using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.

Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays. 

Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.

Then again I understand having been there that it's very painful to keep reaching out and getting rejected and you may be at or beyond that point so you gotta do what's right for you.

As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.


----------



## lifeistooshort

browser said:


> I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.
> 
> Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.
> 
> Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.
> 
> Then again I understand having been there that it's very painful to keep reaching out and getting rejected and you may be at or beyond that point so you gotta do what's right for you.
> 
> As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.


I'd say what makes him a bad prospect is that he's been separated for 6 years, isn't divorced, and doesn't want to be divorced bad enough to pay for it. Based on his post I'd say he doesn't want to be divorced, which I can understand but why should a decent woman get involved with that?

So she can be his bed warmer while he pines for his wife?

He can't really commit seriously to someone else.

And he's still really po'd at his wife, which is understandable but makes him unattractive as a prospect for another woman. 

OP, do yourself a favor and just pay for your damn divorce so you can heal and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## browser

Crankshaw said:


> almost 6 years after separation, she wanted this, so she can pay for the divorce.


I didn't realize you weren't divorced until the @lifeistooshort pointed it out.

In which case I will point out to you that your logic defies explanation. She wanted it so she can pay for it?

Doesn't work that way, sorry. You each pay your fair share. In fact, if you make more money, you'll probably be paying for part of her legal fees (this can vary widely). At the very least you'll be paying for your half. The courts don't say "whoever starts it or wants it more foots the bill".

In fact if you are the breadwinner then the longer you are legally married the longer in duration your spousal support payments are likely to be. States, and courts within the same state vary widely but it could very well be that the extra 6 years of separated (but still married) could amount to 3 years of spousal support that you would otherwise have not been ordered to pay.If you are gaining wealth with each passing year then your wife will be entitled to her fair share (this includes additions to your retirement accounts) whereas if you had filed for divorce years ago you would not be in such a predicament and more importantly you'd be moving on with your life.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

Welcome to the forum!

As others have stated, you will be much better off in all aspects if you get divorced versus a long-term separation. 

Several years ago I became involved with a man who was separated (I am divorced) and the next time I do that will be when


----------



## notmyrealname4

browser said:


> Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.
> 
> Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.



Might want to send those cards and gift packages by registered or certified mail.

If mom is a piece of work, those pieces of mail will be confiscated and destroyed before the kids ever see them.


Or, better yet, deliver them in person.


----------



## Crankshaw

plomito said:


> Do you try to get in touch with your children?
> 
> Sent from my SM-N920T using Tapatalk


Fb is the only means, and yes, at least 3 times a week, rarely get any reply though


----------



## Crankshaw

browser said:


> I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.
> 
> Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.
> 
> Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.
> 
> Then again I understand having been there that it's very painful to keep reaching out and getting rejected and you may be at or beyond that point so you gotta do what's right for you.
> 
> As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.


would need to know an address, or postal address to be able to send cards, as for meeting someone, pass


----------



## Crankshaw

lifeistooshort said:


> I'd say what makes him a bad prospect is that he's been separated for 6 years, isn't divorced, and doesn't want to be divorced bad enough to pay for it. Based on his post I'd say he doesn't want to be divorced, which I can understand but why should a decent woman get involved with that?
> 
> So she can be his bed warmer while he pines for his wife?
> 
> He can't really commit seriously to someone else.
> 
> And he's still really po'd at his wife, which is understandable but makes him unattractive as a prospect for another woman.
> 
> OP, do yourself a favor and just pay for your damn divorce so you can heal and move on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


pass, I have better things to spend the $1000+ on, like, I just bought a house and I want to renovate it, oh, and I did commint, in fact, I moved 1,800km (about 1000 miles) for a woman, who turned out to be more fake than a $3 note, I guess you could say I have trust issues now, and no, the ex can pay for the divorce


----------



## Crankshaw

notmyrealname4 said:


> Might want to send those cards and gift packages by registered or certified mail.
> 
> If mom is a piece of work, those pieces of mail will be confiscated and destroyed before the kids ever see them.
> 
> 
> Or, better yet, deliver them in person.


again, would need to know an address, although court orders say that each parent is to be kept informed of any new address, the ex ignored court orders, and I really dont have the spare $10k to take it back to court again


----------



## Crankshaw

browser said:


> I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.
> 
> As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.


on this point, I am open to having a girlfriend, I am NOT open to having a live in partner


----------



## Crankshaw

Hope Shimmers said:


> Welcome to the forum!
> 
> As others have stated, you will be much better off in all aspects if you get divorced versus a long-term separation.
> 
> Several years ago I became involved with a man who was separated (I am divorced) and the next time I do that will be when


1) lol, I have been a member here for about 6 years 
2) nope,I didnt want the separation, she did, she can pay the $$ for the divorce, I have much better things to spend my hard earned $$ on (house repayments, renovating my house, going out with friends when I can)


----------



## Cooper

Crankshaw do you think you are teaching her a lesson? Do you think by moving away and buying another house your life is moving on? You need to realize you will forever be hand cuffed to this woman unless you divorce her. Is the price of a divorce so high you would rather live in spite the rest of your life? Have you looked at a dissolution? A few hundred dollars in filing fees is all it cost. 

Honestly you are only hurting yourself, and intentionally undermining any chance of moving on to a happier life. Is it possible subconsciously that's what you think you deserve?


----------



## Ynot

Crankshaw said:


> pass, I have better things to spend the $1000+ on, like, I just bought a house and I want to renovate it, oh, and I did commint, in fact, I moved 1,800km (about 1000 miles) for a woman, who turned out to be more fake than a $3 note, I guess you could say I have trust issues now, and no, the ex can pay for the divorce


WTF? You bought a house? While you are still married? You do understand that many states have dower property laws, which basically means by being stubborn by refusing to see reality, you have just bought your wife half a new house? Go ahead and spend the money renovating it, I am sure your wife will be more than happy to see the big return on the investment she didn't even lift a finger for. Good job, you have just created another marital asset to be divided thru a divorce. For God's sakes man, just pay for the divorce and face reality. The marriage is over.


----------



## browser

Crankshaw said:


> would need to know an address, or postal address to be able to send cards, as for meeting someone, pass


If you wanted to find your children you could do it, I think this goes without saying.


----------



## Crankshaw

Cooper said:


> Crankshaw do you think you are teaching her a lesson? Do you think by moving away and buying another house your life is moving on? You need to realize you will forever be hand cuffed to this woman unless you divorce her. Is the price of a divorce so high you would rather live in spite the rest of your life? Have you looked at a dissolution? A few hundred dollars in filing fees is all it cost.
> 
> Honestly you are only hurting yourself, and intentionally undermining any chance of moving on to a happier life. Is it possible subconsciously that's what you think you deserve?


to be thinking I was teaching her a lesson would involve some sort of contact, there is *NO* contact, so, no, I do not think I am teaching her a lesson.
I move away for (silly me!) love, which turned out to be nothing that it portrayed to be, that was 2 years ago, buying a house is me moving on, gaining my independence.
The price of divorce is high enough for me to not bother with it, I have much better things to spend my hard earned $$ on


----------



## Crankshaw

Ynot said:


> WTF? You bought a house? While you are still married? You do understand that many states have dower property laws, which basically means by being stubborn by refusing to see reality, you have just bought your wife half a new house? Go ahead and spend the money renovating it, I am sure your wife will be more than happy to see the big return on the investment she didn't even lift a finger for. Good job, you have just created another marital asset to be divided thru a divorce. For God's sakes man, just pay for the divorce and face reality. The marriage is over.


ahhhh, please note, I live in Australia, our laws are quite different, my ex has no rights to anything I have or will have


----------



## Crankshaw

browser said:


> If you wanted to find your children you could do it, I think this goes without saying.


a cpl of things, 1) costs are HUGE, 2) the ex has been very good at turning the kids against me, so I am not sure they want me to know where they live or anything else


----------



## browser

Crankshaw said:


> a cpl of things, 1) costs are HUGE, 2) the ex has been very good at turning the kids against me, so I am not sure they want me to know where they live or anything else


Well it depends on your goals. If you're going to accept that the kids are turned against you and you are willing to let them go and live what has become their new reality, that being that you are some sort of bad person, then that's one thing and I am not faulting you in any way, that's the path lots of guys take and many years ago I did the same- after sending gifts and leaving messages for almost 3 years with no response.

But if you accept that the children have been brainwashed and are acting out of thoughts placed in their head by your exwife and you want to try to reconnect, then you do what you feel is necessary and that includes spending the money that is necessary to find them and ignoring the fact that they don't want to hear from you.

Like I said I'm not judging just pointing out that there are two paths that can be taken. One will almost certainly lead to never hearing from your kids again, the other gives you a chance at setting the record straight and getting them back in your life.


----------



## Crankshaw

browser said:


> Well it depends on your goals. If you're going to accept that the kids are turned against you and you are willing to let them go and live what has become their new reality, that being that you are some sort of bad person, then that's one thing and I am not faulting you in any way, that's the path lots of guys take and many years ago I did the same- after sending gifts and leaving messages for almost 3 years with no response.
> 
> But if you accept that the children have been brainwashed and are acting out of thoughts placed in their head by your exwife and you want to try to reconnect, then you do what you feel is necessary and that includes spending the money that is necessary to find them and ignoring the fact that they don't want to hear from you.
> 
> Like I said I'm not judging just pointing out that there are two paths that can be taken. One will almost certainly lead to never hearing from your kids again, the other gives you a chance at setting the record straight and getting them back in your life.


have pretty much accepted that they dont want to know me, so am doing what I can to move on, though I still try and keep in contact with them


----------

