# Happiness, here...next to impossible.



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I don't know if I experience the same happiness as other humans do. I often feel like Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh. Constantly depressed, even when something good happens I know it will not be long before something horrible takes the pleasure away and makes me feel almost guilty for feeling pleasure. 

The latest is the CT school massacre. I had trouble getting into the Christmas spirit before last week, what with dealing with ailing parents and a mentally ill sister. Now all the Christmas songs are sad or wistful to me. I went and picked my 12 year old boy up a brand new puppy for Christmas two days before the horrific event. I was happy and excited for him. It was joy for a whole couple of days. Now I can't bring myself to feel joy. Anytime I start to feel like I might just feel good, I see another news article, or someone else mentions it, and all I can think about is the grief stricken families and the Christmas presents they'll never be able to give. 

Many people say they hugged their own children to their hearts and were thankful they still had theirs. Well I am too...but the grief for the parents who lost theirs overwhelms those feelings. I look at my son with love and can't help but feel sadness for those parents at the same time. 

People say don't watch the news or don't go on Facebook...so is that what my only option is? Sequester myself in my house and don't go out anywhere then? I did try that...but had to go take my parents food because both of them are sick and didn't have any and couldn't drive to get any...and what are they sitting there watching? 24/7 news coverage of the Sandy school shootings. 

I go to post pictures of the new puppy on Facebook for friends and family members to see...everyone is on there posting about the school shootings...the pictures of the dead. And I'm not really complaining...I'm just trying to figure out how I live in a world as a depressed/anxiety ridden person who struggles on a daily basis anyway with that...who feels the grief of others so acutely herself...how do I put on a brave face for my husband and child? How do I pretend I feel feelings other than sadness for their sake? How do I answer my husband and kid when they are all happy and are like, "What's wrong with you???" when I can't bring myself to the heights of happiness along with them? How do I keep from being the perpetual wet blanket? I certainly don't want them to feel anything like how I feel. I don't want to destroy their happiness by telling whem why I'm not as excited about Christmas as they are...what will that do but maybe make them feel guilty for being happy themselves, or make them think I'm just bringing them down? 

I wish I had what it takes to just be happy and let things like this tragedy slide by. But I don't. I mourn with the mourners. I hurt with the hurt. And you know...that really just sucks because I can never be happy because of it.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Embrace all the wonderful things you have in your life and take joy in them. I'm betting those parents in CT dealing with their terrible, terrible loss would look at you with your 12 yr old and the new puppy and say enjoy all the goodness in your life. Don't lose the moment in anguish over things you have no control over whatsoever. Celebrate what you have...for yourself and for them. I've had one of my children die. Not at all like the circumstances at the school last week but I know the grief of losing one's own child. But i never would deny any others the joy of their own children and lives. Juts the reverse, I wished for them all the more peace and happiness. Immerse yourself in the moment with your son and the new puppy.


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