# Snooping



## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

Guys, Girls anyone who has an opinion I would love to hear it. My question is this, do you confront your spouse if you have some info you got through snooping?

The scenario: Me and my husband have been together for 7 years and married for 3 with a 6 month seperation under our belt for infidelity but we are back and strong. Because of the infidelity I am having troubles trusting again. I told myself not to but I did. 6 years ago I brought him a cell phone for his birthday so of course its in my name, this cell phone he still owns. Becaues its in my name I have access to the call records at tmobiles website. I checked his call use and this same woman who called my phone and hung up before we seperated has been texting him on a very regular basis most of the time he does not respond because I don't see an outgoing text back but at least one out of the 4 times a week she is texting he has texted back. What he said I have no idea. I am very disappointed to know that he did not tell her to get lost I am back with my wife, why is she texting and though sometimes he ignores or doesn't respond but sometimes he does and it is killing me to know what he says to her. I found a sneaky way to confront him he said since his number is still the same she does text every once in a while she will say good morning or good night or how is your day going. He says if I ignore her long enough then she will stop becausae I am not changing my number I have to much family in to many cities to have to reach out to everyone with a new number. If I tell him I know you sometimes respond I have to pull out proof but do I blow my cover and reveal I am checking his cell use and does that make me a sneaky person? 

Last week was our 3rd year anniversary and I was just to curious to see if a text came in from her on our anniversary and it did at 10am while he was at work and to my shock it showed a single outgoing text back.

Guys I know I am wrong for snooping but that tore me apart, I have no idea what he said back it would be nice if he said leave me alone and stop texting me but my gut says he did not. What would you do? I am not willing to ride it out with a man who can not be faithful because I deserve way better but is this substantial proof, other then the text messages he goes to work and comes right home and the only time he gets out is every other week to go fishing and if I am not busy I got with him.... so I am confused why would he lie about not texting back when the call records say different.


----------



## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

From my own recent experience, if it smells bad, something is going on. Don't feel bad about snooping/spying, you absolutely need to clear the fog of doubt and know where you stand. If there is nothing, all the better, but if there is something going on, what you may discover will be terribly painful...

Get a good keyloger, I used Spector Pro, look it up on google. It costs around 100$, but worth every penny. As I said, be prepared for the worst if you go down that route...

All the best to you...

~hugs~


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you've got things a little backward - you should not be worried about snooping, because everything both of you do should be completely open and transparent. Including email and cell phone records.

In other words you aren't snooping if your both a being transparent with one another.

Because there was cheating involved, you should be both doubly open and transparent meaning that if other people, especially those you cheated with are contacting either of you - you should be telling one another and not responding to the affair partners in any way.

IF he's texting her in secret it's because they are looking to hook up or a hooking up again. The ONLY reason affair partners communicate is to continue the affair.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

When you do confront do not reveal how you found out - it only helps them hide better in the future. Instead use the knowledge you find to out them some other way.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

[email protected] said:


> Guys I know I am wrong for snooping but that tore me apart, I have no idea what he said back it would be nice if he said leave me alone and stop texting me but my gut says he did not. What would you do?


I would get a peek at his phone and see what the messages actually say. Backing up the phone onto a computer may let you review the messages at your convenience. Investigate which phone makes it easiest to check this stuff and buy him yet another new phone, with a plan in mind.

My humble opinion is to absolutely not confront someone over a gut feeling without facts to back it up. Even with the facts, a confrontation has the distinct possibility of going south and making matters worse. When my wife was actively working against me, I cracked her phone and found out all her plots in advance. I never once to this day confronted her about anything I found through snooping (and I found a lot), but I certainly took action on what I was able to learn. Planned independent action is your safest choice.


----------



## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

You two are married - there is not such a thing as snooping or invasion of privacy. My wife and I exchanged all of our info as soon as we were married. I don't take it personally if she looks at my things and she doesn't take it personally when I look at hers.

That doesn't mean he won't be upset about it if he finds out. He might feel like it is invasion of privacy (it really isn't), and might try to keep the focus on that instead of what you found out.

I've never had to deal with a sneaky spouse, though.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Aggie said:


> You two are married - there is not such a thing as snooping or invasion of privacy. My wife and I exchanged all of our info as soon as we were married. I don't take it personally if she looks at my things and she doesn't take it personally when I look at hers.
> 
> That doesn't mean he won't be upset about it if he finds out. He might feel like it is invasion of privacy (it really isn't), and might try to keep the focus on that instead of what you found out.
> 
> I've never had to deal with a sneaky spouse, though.


I particially agree....everyone should have some privacy and I think that goes with trust. That being said when you are married or in a committed relationship you share and trust more of your privacy with your significant other.

Its a fine line....








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

We have had DDay in our house too. The texting back and fourth would be a deal breaker for me. If anything he should be showing you her texts and telling you when it happens. Why not just block her number?


----------



## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't even think it's snooping. The phone is in your name.

I would call the OW and tell her to get lost. If he sincerely doesn't want to talk to her, what does he care? He cheated with her. You have every right to tell her to go kick rocks. If he has a problem with it then something is wrong with him, not you.


----------



## danielpreciad (Sep 6, 2012)

Get a good keyloger, I used Spector Pro, look it up on google


----------

