# How to get wifey to admit it?



## RandomDude

That she's bisexual!!!

She's been defiant ever since I met her, and knows how to "close up" as soon as she realises I'm on to something. She is Christian so she views it as wrong yet admitted to me in the past that she has enjoyed sex with women and when I'm nice, she tells me rather graphic stories of her past lol!

Ok yada yada yada she prefers men sure, but she's still bi-IN-DENIAL... notices women way more than me, checks out their bodies on the beach or pool, comments on them, and to boot, the way she expressed her pleasure of her past experiences... darn! Even though she seems to need that bath even after remembering it... so I know a part of her doesn't like that about herself...

Yet, this has been my life-long ambition to make her admit it ever since she started denying to me that she's in fact bisexual! So what can I do? Besides it will help her accept more of herself and her past (which she still has difficulty at times despite forgiving herself and feeling forgiven due to her faith)

Or maybe she just won't admit it because she likes seeing me frustrated... she does that, meh...


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## livnlearn

what do you hope to gain from her admitting it? ...if she IS indeed bisexual.


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## that_girl

Who cares? 

And she may not be bi. Some women comment on other women about the things they don't like about themselves.

I find many women attractive. Doesn't mean I want to pet the kitty.

I have been with a girl...years ago. It was fun...but I like penis.

I thought you were off living the good life! But no....just buggin her to admit somehting she doesn't want to admit.


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## heartsbeating

:iagree:


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## Browncoat

Seriously drop it.

Neither of you gain anything from this line of questioning/thinking, you have much to loose on many fronts. Just stop.


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## bubbly girl

I think it excites you more to think of your wife with another woman than it excites her.

If she doesn't want to admit it, maybe it's because it's not true.

Many women will talk about it with their husbands because they know it turns them on. I do this for my husband. He knows in reality we'd never include a third party into our sex lives, but he gets really turned on when I talk about how hot a woman is and what her and I would do to each other. I honestly have zero desire to do anything with another woman, but why not indulge my hubby with some sexy talk?


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## Stonewall

bubbly girl said:


> I think it excites you more to think of your wife with another woman than it excites her.
> 
> If she doesn't want to admit it, maybe it's because it's not true.
> 
> Many women will talk about it with their husbands because they know it turns them on. I do this for my husband. He knows in reality we'd never include a third party into our sex lives, but he gets really turned on when I talk about how hot a woman is and what her and I would do to each other. I honestly have zero desire to do anything with another woman, but why not indulge my hubby with some sexy talk?


:iagree:

It is a huge turn on for a lot of guys but don't pressure her. The best thing you can do is provide a trusting environment wherein you can talk to each other about anything sexual and she feels safe in doing so. If you do that then if its true it may very well come out one day.


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## Jeff/BC

RandomDude said:


> Or maybe she just won't admit it because she likes seeing me frustrated... she does that, meh...


That's one possibility. Another possibility is that she's rejecting your labels and rejecting your little boxes for her because she thinks it's her job to define her own self, not you.

I'd agree with her.

In point of fact, I don't deal well with other people trying to define who I am. I'd divorce your butt over this if you kept it up.


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## LadyFrog

Wow, this is tough.

I guess I would say that if she is bi, probably best to let it go and let her have her fantasies, unless it is something that bothers you so much you just can't live with it.

As long as she is staying faithful I guess it's ok. Never been with a woman; don't want to, but I do check them out for outfits and stuff.


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## Mavash.

I'm in the camp of what does it matter?


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## LovesHerMan

As long as she doesn't want to bring another woman into your marriage, I would not worry about this. Sexuality is somewhat fluid, and just because she appreciates female beauty does not mean that she is going to act on her thoughts. That would be my only concern, what does she wants to do about those feelings?


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## mrbiggz

I can relate to your situation Randomdude. I was able to get my woman to admit to me that she was bisexual after some hardships in our relationships. 

She may be trying to hide those feelings from you and even to herself for many possible reasons. The thing that worked for me and my relationship was to let her know that I didn't care that she was bi or even attracted to other men. I reassured her that I would be there for her and that I deal with the same issues in regards to other woman and that we could talk about them openly among-st ourselves. I tried to relay to her that although I haven't and will not cheat that I am attracted to other woman. For her I wanted her to understand that just because you had certain feelings towards someone else doesn't mean you had to act on them also. 

You should try telling her something about yourself that she may not know. Maybe that will open her up to you. Right now she may be fighting those feelings internally let alone letting those feelings be known to others.


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## that_girl

I just think it's RD's ways to torment his wife.

I thought things had changed...


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## RandomDude

Oh come on, it's not like we're fighting over this, this is more like our banter from time to time lol



> As long as she doesn't want to bring another woman into your marriage, I would not worry about this. Sexuality is somewhat fluid, and just because she appreciates female beauty does not mean that she is going to act on her thoughts. That would be my only concern, what does she wants to do about those feelings?


Well she doesn't want to do anything about it, and it's not like I'm going to get her to do it, I just want her to admit it heh cause it's so blatantly obvious yet she denies it to my face lol!

She admits to having enjoyed sex with women, just not being bisexual! she's had quite a few experiences with women in the past and looked rather fondly of it too, so it's not a case of just turning me on. Besides she doesn't shut up about women we see sometimes lol



> Another possibility is that she's rejecting your labels and rejecting your little boxes for her because she thinks it's her job to define her own self, not you.


Yup that sounds alot like wifey lol



> You should try telling her something about yourself that she may not know. Maybe that will open her up to you. Right now she may be fighting those feelings internally let alone letting those feelings be known to others.


I did =/



> Why keep bringing up something she either regrets or is ashamed of?


Well it's just banter, but it has a long-term goal = she should never have to regret or be ashamed of anything, especially not with me


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## moxy

She'll accept it when she is ready to do so and when it feels safe to do so. Pressuring her will only interfere with that process. Don't worry about it so much. Just let her be.


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## LemonLime

Why put a label on it? Everyone is on a scale, one side is straight, one side is gay and everyone is on that scale somewhere. 
If my husband was doing this to me, making it his mission to get me to admit to that, that would be very hurtful. Accept her for who she is and dont try to label it. Just love her or move on.


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## LadyFrog

Random,

If she were to admit to you today, this afternoon, that she is bi, how would you react? Would it change things between you and her? Is it that you just want to hear her admit it?

I'm just wondering what your end game is.


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## deejov

RD ,
Strange thought... but I personally define "bi" as being able to fall in love with either gender.

I, for one, don't consider enjoying sex the same thing as falling in love.

So what do you call it when you just enjoy sex with either gender? 

Has she ever had a girlfriend for a long period of time? That would be bi-sexual, IMO.


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## that_girl

Seriously. RD, remember what happened because of "banter" last time?

Yea. Knock this crap off.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

> Oh come on, it's not like we're fighting over this, this is more like our banter from time to time lol


This is INCREDIBLY passive-aggressive!

I suppose if you had a serious problem like E.D., THAT would be 'banter-worthy,too ?!?

you need some compassion, dude


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## Conrad

that_girl said:


> I just think it's RD's ways to torment his wife.
> 
> I thought things had changed...


Right


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## Conrad

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Random,
> 
> If she were to admit to you today, this afternoon, that she is bi, how would you react? Would it change things between you and her? Is it that you just want to hear her admit it?
> 
> I'm just wondering what your end game is.


LFrog,

If she admitted it this minute, it would be "on to the next opportunity for one-upsmanship"


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## Goldmember357

what is interesting is the women on here seem to be implying that its wrong that he be concerned and that she should not have to admit it?

From a mental health standpoint i would think its best that she openly admits it or else there is a huge possibility she is having conflicts within herself about her bisexuality. 


Also women how would you react if hubby was BI?

Not all guy's are cool with dating a Bi- Sexual girl its not every man's fantasy. Although TS Is married and seems fine with it that is cool but he has a right to be concerned over her inability to admit such a thing to him. There should be no secrets in a marriage of course this is not really so bad as she did admit to him in the past and he is aware of what is going on.


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## Goldmember357

If you are hurt by her interest in other women that is fine and is not something you should sweep under the rug. However you should not harass her on the subject

But hey someone implied you should divorce. Who knows

Half the people on this forum who are married should divorce imo and more than half are incapable of making a marriage ever work as some people can never be honest or care for another truly. Always "someone else fault" 


best of Luck TS


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Goldmember:


> the women on here seem to be implying that its wrong that he be concerned


 He's NOT concerned, THAT is our point! He gets his rocks off hearing about it...


> she tells me rather graphic stories of her past lol!


...see the little "LOL" at the end?!


> and to boot, the way she expressed her pleasure of her past experiences... darn!


...see the little "DARN" at the end?! This doesn't BOTHER HIM...it's a joke.

He wants to be right.
He wants to embarrass/demean her with past behavior she now regrets.
He is a passive/agressive bully from the beginning with his 'WIFEY' moniker all the way through his 2nd post...



> this is more like our banter from time to time lol


...again with the "LOL"


*RandomDude is acting like a totally IMMATURE teen-age BOY...grow up!*


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