# Odd behavior-confused



## 4ever4ever? (Nov 11, 2014)

Hi. I have been happily married for a few months. This is my second marriage. My husband and I are very compatible, we get along well, we communicate openly. When something upsets me he can tell immediately and will bug me until I open up and talk about it. 

I am really hoping he doesn't come across this (he knows about this site) which is why I did not put a more descriptive behavior in the title, but eitherway, I got the sense twice that my husband was embarrassed to be seen with me. Let me explain. 

Recently we have been regularly going to a certain business for the same reason. We both ended up going to different locations because I was commuting to a different city. My schedule has changed and I asked to be transferred to his location. He had told me about the receptionist...an older woman (we are both in our 20s, he mentioned she's probably in her 40s) he told me she looked really good for her age, and probably had a boob job, and mentioned their convo which i honestly forgot) I just made a comment on why he was checking her rack out, and he just said well it was quite obvious. 

Anyway, so fast forward to when I was told to come in with him as they scheduled me for the same time. He started acting weird when we were right outside the office, his body language was off. He was distancing himself and not walking with me as he usually does. We went in, walking ahead of me, and he didnt introduce me to the receptionist and just sat down..later on she called out and said "is that your lovely wife, "John"?"....anyway, I was really upset at this point. He was distant and he hadn't introduced me. No past boyfriend has ever made me feel this way, though I must confess, I knew what he was doing because I had done it in the past when I wasn't supposed to be seen with someone or was embarrassed. He could tell I was upset and when we got home I started crying...and he kept asking me, then said "is it because I didn't introduce you?" I said yes and that his body language was very strange..He kept apologizing and saying "I'm sorry, you know I'm awkward sometimes, but I am not most of the time" and I said, "you shouldn't be awkward at all, why are you embarrassed of me? What is wrong with me? If you are embarrassed to be seen with me than why did you marry me? to which he responded that I am being unfair because he always holds me in public, which is true. I then told him that its happened with people that he knows whom I havent met.

The other time I remember was when we were in a location where he may have run into some of his coworkers (who are mostly men) and he gave off that same body language and mentioned hoping not to run into any of them. I mentioned this to him and he just said "I just don't like running into coworkers in public" but why distance himself from me? I was upset for a good 24 hours, then let it go. But really, it is still something is still bothering me. I still have not met most of his friends because we are in a different city, so I don't know how that will be. I just don't know what to do.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Hard to call but tactile in public EXCEPT when biz related. Then, distant/no respect. Gotta ask this - are you a 'trophy wife'? Horrible term but nothing else explains it without more info.

Likes how you look so OWNS you in public, but thinks you're dumb and distances you from 'important' people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I can see why you are confused. It definitely seems as if he was embarrassed of you. What you really need to know is if this is because of the receptionist in particular, or with all people he knows, as the other example you gave wasn't a definite. I know, it seemed similar but you didn't really get to test it out since, I assume, you didn't run into any of his co-workers, and he may have been thinking of the receptionist in particular.

I think you need to meet more of his friends. Try to make it happen. If you haven't yet, introduce him to more of your friends. See how he reacts. Take him out to a restaurant and make sure it's where you'll be seen by a lot of people, not sitting in a dark corner in the back, see how he reacts.

If he seems fine with everyone else, I can only assume it's a reaction particular to the receptionist. He may be uncomfortable because he's attracted to her. Not saying he's cheating, or that he's going to, just a possible scenario.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He could be hoping that they won't say something that will get him in trouble with you. Is he a big flirt with women? There's a reason he's trying to hide you.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

or he has something goind on in those locations, and doesn't want the info to get to you


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## 4ever4ever? (Nov 11, 2014)

I'm not a trophy wife at all, and if I were, wouldnt he want to show me off to his buddies..I think if anything its probably that he doesnt want his buddies to think he's not with someone super hot? I'm an average girl. I think guys can find me attractive but that depends from person to person right...

I brought it up again and he finally said something like, remember how she (the receptionist) was talking about being married and she told me "well you don't have to worry about that" and I didnt correct her...so it was just awkward because she didn't know I was married. 

I still have a feeling there may be something else to it. He's been fine when I introduce him to my girlfriends, but I am almost too scared to find out how he feels introducing me to his friends because I don't want to burst the bubble and find something majorly wrong with our relationship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My ex used to do that with the people he worked with and when he was in medical school. I found that it was because he was cheating and all of the people he worked with and at medical school knew it.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Ooo errr. Dunno then.

He's worried you'll see him being a sycophant at work?

Worried his buds will embarrass him?

Flummoxed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

He's had or has a relationship with someone all those people know about.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Reading your post.. I would feel the same as you...feel clanging bells of suspicion to his motives... where my head would be going would NOT be good.. 

I see this as a women's intuition.. it's not a fragment of your imagination.... you can see he is holding something back- very much so around ALL HE WORKS WITH and "pandering" with his answers... 

How long have you dated him before marriage.. and you never met any of them?... Was this a long distance relationship?

What do you know of his Past relationships ? Is the mid life secretary with the big boobs Married ???


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I'm married ongoing 35 years. From your description, I would say that your husband is hiding something that everyone knows about; either he is passing himself as a single man or he is in a relationship that everyone knows about in the workplace or in places of business that he frequents in your area.

Confront him with his behavior. This is embarrassing to be in your place. Do not cry; it shows extreme weakness. Make him explain over and over again about this behavior. I would not tolerate my husband behaving this way in any venue. It shows extreme disrespect.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it does sound like he's embarrassed about you around people from work. If he isn't always socially awkward (and many people are their entire lives) then you need to question him in a non-emotional manner about it. But be prepared he may not level with you -- especially if he's hiding something.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Just how awkward is it for a person to say "Oh, but I am married"? One reason could be that he's made a big deal out of her rack and was flirting with her.

Something's fishy in Denmark.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening 4ever4ever
It sounds suspicious - but is there any chance that he was covering up having forgotten the names of people there?

Happened to me recently. I ran into an (attractive young) woman I had worked with quite a bit a few months ago. I couldn't for the life of me remember her name - I was mortified, and awkward. I could easily see it being interpreted the wrong way.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

As a man this one is easy, and i'm sorry for pointing it out. Most likely he flirted with receptionist, and cheated on you or flirted and the guys from work know. Whatever it is, he is hideing something, especially if he is affectionate in other situations publically (where you dont know anyone)


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

OP, your spidey senses went up & rightfully so. I know that "embarrassed" act that you are talking about. I too have done that in the past with guys as well.

Unfortunately, I doubt that he will come clean with you. You can try talking to him (worth a shot) but not sure how truthful he may be. You could do a little snooping to see if you find something. Definitely something is up if he doesn't want to be seen with you when he runs into people from work.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ooooooo... I don't like the secretary's snide comment to you at all. My cat claws would be out. 

I had someone do me that way before ... that is until I put her in her place  Never happened again.

Yep suspicions are strong over your H hiding something.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

My thoughts:

Your husband told a co-worker (the receptionist, perhaps) he was separated or otherwise estranged from you, flirted with her and attempted to engage her in sexual congress.

People at work know this.

Thus, he attempts to distance himself from you in their presence to provide himself culpable deniability, that is, maintain the appearance to his co-workers that your relationship is "strained".

I doubt he actually had sex with the co-worker, if he had, I would expect a different reaction (from the receptionist, if it were her). Unless she was a total s**t and didn't actually care if he was married or not. Some women consider a married man a "challenge", others consider a married man "safe" (she can always send him home to his wife after using him for sex.)


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Methuselah said:


> ...sexual congress...


Such an underused phrase.

But I thing Methuselah is right. Or, he's talked about you in a way he'd be embarrassed for you to know.

I worked with a guy and we commuted into work together. He used to talk about his sex life with his wife in a most unflattering way. When it came time to meet her he pleaded with me and our fellow commuter not to say anything to her.


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## 4ever4ever? (Nov 11, 2014)

Thank you all for your responses. 

I think he may have been too busy staring at her boobs and that's why he didn't correct her. She is divorced and now engaged. The next time we went, she chatted with both of us separately. He took great interest in our conversation afterwards asking me what she was telling me, and I told him "you know, its funny" and he's like whats funny? I said "that you are more interested in what I talked to the woman about than what I talked to the man about (the head of the business)... You have the hots for her don't you." He got really defensive and was like "I cant believe you would think that" lol. I am taking it in stride. I think I've become a cynic with time and this stuff is just to be expected. 

I still don't know what the deal is with his coworkers. I know for sure he is NOT cheating. I am just afraid that he may be the type to easily get infatuated with women, and I'm not sure how I would/should handle that. He mentioned that in his last relationship, they were going through a rough patch and he started talking to someone online and I think it was a bit of an EA, and then his ex ended up having an EA and ending their relationship.

Eitherway, I think we have a pretty great relationship overall, and its just disappointing that this put a damper on things for me because he really is a loving, caring H and it's been the best relationship I've had. 

I am wondering what some of you think are good measures in terms of setting rules on dealing with the opposite gender for the both of us to lessen the chance of one of us falling. We already have a rule that we can't have friends from the opposite gender (apart from acquaintances, where we share with each other what is said if we talk to them). Thanks!


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## 4ever4ever? (Nov 11, 2014)

Also, to clarify, the receptionist works at a business that we both frequent. She does not work at his company. 

Maybe you are right about him having said something in front of his coworkers, though I doubt its about our sex life because we have great sex lol. Time will tell I guess.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

4ever4ever? said:


> I am wondering what some of you think are good measures in terms of setting rules on dealing with the opposite gender for the both of us to lessen the chance of one of us falling. We already have a rule that we can't have friends from the opposite gender (apart from acquaintances, where we share with each other what is said if we talk to them). Thanks!


And there's the problem.

He views any friendly interaction with the receptionist as breaking the rules. Probably happened at work, too. He just didn't want it brought up in front of you.


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## 4ever4ever? (Nov 11, 2014)

It just scares me that here we are at our prime, and he's getting all tongue-tied around an attractive woman 20 years his senior...what am I supposed to do when we're middle aged and he's around some pretty little 20-something year olds?


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## 4ever4ever? (Nov 11, 2014)

Chris Taylor, he's the one who suggested that rule....and I really do believe that you should not be calling/texting someone from the opposite sex frequently if you are in a committed relationship. There have to be boundaries.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

4ever4ever? said:


> Chris Taylor, he's the one who suggested that rule....and I really do believe that you should not be calling/texting someone from the opposite sex frequently if you are in a committed relationship. There have to be boundaries.


Doesn't matter whose rule it was... he broke it and felt guilty about doing it and possibly getting caught.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

4ever4ever? said:


> He took great interest in our conversation afterwards asking me what she was telling me, and I told him "you know, its funny" and he's like whats funny? I said "that you are more interested in what I talked to the woman about than what I talked to the man about (the head of the business)... You have the hots for her don't you." He got really defensive and was like "I cant believe you would think that"


Well, obviously, he's been pursuing her. And having you show up at 'his' place has ruined the fantasy he's created, the 'world' that he's put together from which he flirts with her. And now he's petrified that she's going to tell you what he's said or done.

And with his friends, he most likely brought (brings?) other women around them, so he's just waiting to get caught out on that one, too. 

Seen it all before...


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

4ever4ever? said:


> He took great interest in our conversation afterwards asking me what she was telling me, and I told him "you know, its funny" and he's like whats funny? I said "that you are more interested in what I talked to the woman about than what I talked to the man about (the head of the business)... You have the hots for her don't you." He got really defensive and was like "I cant believe you would think that"
> 
> ..*.I know for sure he is NOT cheating. *I am just afraid that he may be the type to easily get infatuated with women
> 
> ...*he started talking to someone online *and I think it was a bit of an EA,


*He took great interest in your conversation with the receptionist. 

*He's had an EA in the past (with his ex).

*He's distancing away from you around co-workers.

*He got defensive when you asked if he liked her.

How do you know exactly that he isn't cheating on you?


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