# He wants threesomes and other things....



## wifenumber2 (Jul 29, 2011)

Married 10 years. About to turn 50. He is 52. We have sex regularly but admit he initiates more mostly because I'm worn out working full/time and then I work for his business. He wants threesomes. Wants to take me to lesbian bars to watch me get picked up. We wake up at 5am and most nights I'm not home until 8PM. Lastnight I fell asleep watching TV by 9:30 and then he complains our sex life is vanilla!

When I'm rested I give him more of what he wants but the threesome and lesbian thing I've told him I don't think I could do that. He watches porn at night and I feel all he wants is a 20 year old porn star. I could be the best wife ever but I feel it will never satisfy. Is this normal for our age?
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## wifenumber2 (Jul 29, 2011)

I think if he didn't pressure me into the "Other things" I would have more enjoyment. It's like he wakes up, wants it and even if I'm asleep when he wants it...he wants it...
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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

really dont understand how men could want that from someone they claim to 'love'


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

wifenumber2 said:


> Married 10 years. About to turn 50. He is 52. We have sex regularly but admit he initiates more mostly because I'm worn out working full/time and then I work for his business. He wants threesomes. Wants to take me to lesbian bars to watch me get picked up. We wake up at 5am and most nights I'm not home until 8PM. Lastnight I fell asleep watching TV by 9:30 and then he complains our sex life is vanilla!
> 
> When I'm rested I give him more of what he wants but the threesome and lesbian thing I've told him I don't think I could do that. He watches porn at night and I feel all he wants is a 20 year old porn star. I could be the best wife ever but I feel it will never satisfy. Is this normal for our age?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't let him pressure you into something you are not comfortable with. It is fine if other people want threesomes, but if you don't then definitely don't open that can of worms. 

I can't really say if it is "normal" for your age or not, but it sounds like he has unrealistic sexual expectations (possibly a by-product of being a porn addict...) and instead of respecting you, he is trying to push you into a sexual practice that has destroyed many relationships.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

You're uncomfortable, and frankly I don't see how this will lead to anything good.

IMO if he can cheat with you, he can cheat w/o you.

Sometimes it's best to leave fantasies as just that... fantastical thoughts and nothing more.


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Is there anything else you could do to help spice things up?
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## wifenumber2 (Jul 29, 2011)

I try to be spontaneous and in different settings. I'm probably not my best first thing in the morning when the alarm has already gone off twice. I offer quickies and ask to hook up again later at night for quality. I don't mind toys, dress up, role play and bondage "lite". I don't mind watching porn with him on occasion. I think that's a good start. He just wants the threesome and seeing me with another woman. I know myself and I think that in the long term, these can crack the foundation of intimacy.

He talks about porn stars, prostitutes and going out and doing something kinky in public.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

wifenumber2 said:


> I try to be spontaneous and in different settings. I'm probably not my best first thing in the morning when the alarm has already gone off twice. I offer quickies and ask to hook up again later at night for quality. I don't mind toys, dress up, role play and bondage "lite". I don't mind watching porn with him on occasion. I think that's a good start. He just wants the threesome and seeing me with another woman. I know myself and I think that in the long term, these can crack the foundation of intimacy.
> 
> He talks about porn stars, prostitutes and going out and doing something kinky in public.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is so incredibly inappropriate for him to be talking about prostitutes with you. It sounds like you are trying to have a healthy sex life with him and want to make him happy, but he is into things that are completely inappropriate in your relationship. Again, some relationships are fine with porn stars, prostitutes, and kinky public sex... but *yours* isn't because you aren't into it and there is nothing wrong with you for not wanting those things.

It sounds like he is a porn and sex addict and has reached a point where "normal" sexual stimuli are not enough. He has numbed himself sexually and expects you to catch up to him. 

If he doesn't get help, you should get out of there before he brings home an STD to you because it does NOT sound like he values the marriage enough to stay monogamous with you and will have no problem cheating to get what he wants.


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## marriedinnh (Mar 25, 2012)

horny is not the same as addicted. i don't think it's fair to ignore his wife's needs/wants/comfort zone. but neither is it fair to take every horny guy who has some fantasies or wants variety in his life and write him off as a sex addict.

not that you've done that. i apologize for jumping on your post. i certainly don't mean to put words in your mouth.

but it's something that i feel like i've seen a lot of here. diagnosing sex addiction. and i'd wager most people posting aren't professionals and qualified to make that diagnosis. so why send someone back offline to go and deal with their spouse with a diagnosis in their head already?

if you think someone's an addict, wouldn't you go seek professional advice? 



airplane888 said:


> gee you might want to google SAA group, sexual addiction
> 
> 
> airplane


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## AllThePrettyHorses (Mar 23, 2012)

Apart from the fact that an exclusive relationship shouldn't include third, fourth etc. parties, what makes people like your husband think there will be any enjoyment in it for you?
It's not like jumping in the sack with every Tom, D!ck, and Harry is so easy for every person in this world, let alone suddenly having a same-sex experience. What makes him think you would want to be with a woman if you're straight?


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

marriedinnh said:


> horny is not the same as addicted. i don't think it's fair to ignore his wife's needs/wants/comfort zone. but neither is it fair to take every horny guy who has some fantasies or wants variety in his life and write him off as a sex addict.
> 
> not that you've done that. i apologize for jumping on your post. i certainly don't mean to put words in your mouth.
> 
> ...


The guy is talking prostitutes, whoring his wife out as a lesbian, threesomes, public sex and despite getting regular sex, frequently watches porn to the point where his wife feels unattractive to him. Methinks porn/sex addiction is an accurate way to describe his sudden desire to push the OP into things that are often relationship-breakers even when both people DO want to do them. That isn't being a typical horny guy, this is a guy who has lost track of sexual boundaries.

And yes, if he does not get professional help for these things, she will need to take action to protect herself.

ETA: Sorry if I sound militant about it, it is just that talking about prostitutes is so far beyond the boundaries of normal healthy monogamous sexuality.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You are giving him too much. He wants more and more. I would put a temporary moritorium on sex and start over. 

Establish your boundreies. He either wants to be in a relationship with you are not. Start having sex when he gets the message. He may want to leave if so let him go. He does not love you. Somehow you have become his sex doll. Less than human. Is he so important that you have to degrade yourself. Of you don't stop this now, he will up the ante. You will be doing things just to please him and it will kill your soul. You will end up leaving when you are beat down and broken. 

Get him in therapy for his problem or leave him. He will not find a woman like you or a woman that would allow herself to be used. let him get out there and look for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

wifenumber2 said:


> Married 10 years. About to turn 50. He is 52. We have sex regularly but admit he initiates more mostly because I'm worn out working full/time and then I work for his business. He wants threesomes. Wants to take me to lesbian bars to watch me get picked up. We wake up at 5am and most nights I'm not home until 8PM. Lastnight I fell asleep watching TV by 9:30 and then he complains our sex life is vanilla!
> 
> When I'm rested I give him more of what he wants but the threesome and lesbian thing I've told him I don't think I could do that. He watches porn at night and I feel all he wants is a 20 year old porn star. I could be the best wife ever but I feel it will never satisfy. Is this normal for our age?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just going by what you have posted but he is a bit of jerk. 

If all he wants to do is watch porn at night he has some real issues. And they have now creeped into his marriage.

So he is wanting to use his wife as bait to have a threesome!? OMG what an idiot. 

I do not think you should cater to any of this.

I suggest you you back off your work hours for one thing. One way or another.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Just finished the thread. OMG. Much worse than I thought.

The problem is not you dear lady. You have gone the extra distance as far as I can tell.

He is a piece of work and needs some help of some kind. How long has he been this way?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

marriedinnh said:


> horny is not the same as addicted. i don't think it's fair to ignore his wife's needs/wants/comfort zone. but neither is it fair to take every horny guy who has some fantasies or wants variety in his life and write him off as a sex addict.
> 
> not that you've done that. i apologize for jumping on your post. i certainly don't mean to put words in your mouth.
> 
> ...


OK he is not a sex addict. But he is not just a horny guy. That is an insult to horny guys. 

There is something wrong with this man and the gneiss of his wrongness seem s to be porn.

I base that on the time he waste watching it, his desire for things he sees in porn and his approach to his wife. 

Taken in aggregate the is a problem. Taken separately, they may be considered garden variety guy behavior except for the way he treats his wife. 

He does not treat her with respect, in my mind he is not making love or an emotional connection during sex, he is eeeffing. 

It is more like he is masturbating using her holes. There is no problem with cutting him off and high tail it out of there. 

I think the OP has serious problems if she has to question if this is normal. She has given up on herself, handed over her body to be used. Where in the world did she get the idea she needed to do that?

Get into therapy OP, you are really the one who needs it. You are in an abusive relationship and you stay!! You have a job why do you need this creep to use you?


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