# Beautiful Women and cheating



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

This maybe in the wrong forum. ??

I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.

Is this common? Why? 

Do men "work" harder to keep a trophy wife?

Any experience?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of* beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.*
> 
> ...


Sex Rank (if you believe in the concept) and the Greek Alphabet.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yikes. My wife was/is stunningly beautiful.

Never thought about this, before, to be honest.:scratchhead:


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

This applies to both genders. Why does it happen? Beatiful _people_ get more hit on and if you marry someone "out of you league" there is a higher chance of it happening.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

CouldItBeSo said:


> This applies to both genders. Why does it happen? Beatiful _people_ get more hit on and if you marry someone "out of you league" there is a higher chance of it happening.


:iagree:


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I also think there is relationship between those two factors, but ironically I have hear of more than one case where the man was more attractive than his wife and she cheated, excuse, inferiority complex, the woman felt she was not good enough for him or as many women hit on him, she thought he was cheating so when other guy came in to the picture, well you know the rest of it.

So take your pick there are excuses for any kind of cheating


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## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


there is a pattern that I've seen a lot but I don't think we can generalize with just that. anyway this is what I'm seeing :

first I'm assuming that by "beautiful women" you mean the women who is considered beautiful by the society they are living in. meaning their beauty depends on their society's definition of beauty. and I think that you mean physical beauty.

with considering these assumptions .... I say : 

beautiful women usually have their qualities since their young ages. so they get approval for their beauty a lot. they get chosen as different role in school for their beauty a lot. they are popular. when they grow up, they show signs of being prideful for their appearance, self center behaviors , entitlement or even narcissism. because they invested a lot of their time and energy on their physical beauty, they are lacking in other areas (good moral personality, trying to get things by doing the hard work, letting others be in the center sometimes, accepting to not have everything, ...). they rely on their appearance a lot. they have a strong need for getting attention of other people (specially males). unfortunately with aging , they physical beauty would start to go south. and with that everything else does too. their stress and panic problems starts to show up more.(the so called mid-life crisis) therefore they usually go for self-destructive behaviors a lot more than other type of women. 

depending on their self-esteem. they either cheat to prove to themselves that they are still attractive. or cheat to prove themselves that they are not worthy of their life (family , husband , kids , ...).

unfortunately , the behavior of husbands would only prove them that their sense of entitlement is justified. which has nothing to do with the husbands but these women interpretation of husband's work.

and please don't get me started on movies , TV shows , advertisements , ... . these things are keep sending subtle messages that physical beauty is necessary for life, aging is bad , getting old is bad , if you lost your physical beauty you lost everything, that nobody would love you or appreciate you if you're not beautiful ... . I mean with this kinda bombardment of information , it's hard to expect them(women , men) to be otherwise.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't know if beautiful women are more inclined to cheat. I do know that EVERY man that I know personally that has cheated, has cheated ON a beautiful or attractive wife. The women that these men cheated with was a huge step down. Like way down.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


Just be aware of attention seeking behavior

Big Red Flag


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

My gf gets hit on all the time. She is gorgeous. I do not dote on her like a sycophant. In a relationship two people are equal. If the really good looking one, i.e. her in my case feels 'above' you then yes that is bad.

She is my equal. Now I do have to say, she is a little high maintenance and I put up with it because she is beautiful but I don't go over board.

Because I am a man, I believe all women are a bit crazy. It's because they are more emotional so don't get too offended. As a man I can put up with a woman who is crazy 15% of the time. A little crazy is fun. Now if the woman is really hot, I could put up with maybe 17.5%

A confidant man and a beautiful woman raised by a father who didn't spoil his girl will be fine. Confidence is key. If you believe she is out of your league, well then she is.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

MovingAhead said:


> My gf gets hit on all the time. She is gorgeous. I do not dote on her like a sycophant. In a relationship two people are equal. If the really good looking one, i.e. her in my case feels 'above' you then yes that is bad.
> 
> She is my equal. Now I do have to say, she is a little high maintenance and I put up with it because she is beautiful but I don't go over board.
> 
> ...



QFT.

She should be pleased to have such a good, sexy, manly husband and thinking she is out of your league is going to show in your relationship.

And as far as I'm concerned all wives are beautiful.

Why the frick would you marry her if you didn't find her beautiful? :scratchhead:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Beauty is supposed to increase the risk of infidelity. They are more narcisistic, self indulgent and more likely to get hit on. Combine that with certain professions and the number of people they come in contact with.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

with out a doubt!

good looking people in general cheat more.

JMHO.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

MovingAhead said:


> Because I am a man, I believe all women are a bit crazy.


:rofl:


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....

I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Okay, I will go a different way. My wife always says to me "you get hit on by woman every time we go out. Just my personality, I guess, I'm not an attention seeker, I work in civil service, so I am accustom to talking with people. She does say to me you are so cute or you are so handsome, it's saved your butt many times. She knows without question I am a one woman kind of guy and would never stray, ever. You know I'm not sure I answered the question. But the reverse of that is she gets attention as well, as she is faith full, I know this without a doubt.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....


I believe they cheat down because the affair is often more about being wanted, than necessarily wanting someone else.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

whathappenedtome said:


> I believe they cheat down because the affair is often more about being wanted, than necessarily wanting someone else.


:iagree:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

CouldItBeSo said:


> This applies to both genders. Why does it happen? Beatiful _people_ get more hit on and if you marry someone "out of you league" there is a higher chance of it happening.


I would also say that a lot depends on the integrity and boundaries of the individual. It might be a little easier for a physically attractive person to cheat, but it doesn't mean that they will even contemplate doing so.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> Confidence is key. If you believe she is out of your league, well then she is.


Absolutely.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....


Good points and one's that I wrestled with for a long time. When I first saw my wife's OM, I was like, _"You're kidding? He's punching well above his weight with you"_
Only he wasn't. Even though they don;t have anywhere near as much in common as my wife and i did and he's a lot older looking than I am...he's very confident, physically well-built and what women would call 'rough'. He's ex-military so he's quite decisive in situations.

My own wife's looks, I look at her now, my situation and I think _"Damn, I really messed up there"_ :scratchhead:


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

CouldItBeSo said:


> This applies to both genders. Why does it happen? Beatiful _people_ get more hit on and if you marry someone "out of you league" there is a higher chance of it happening.


Add in an inherent higher level of confidence which can create components that border on narcissism, as well as having more things handed to them with less consequences if something bad is done?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think looks affect anything except possibly more choices for an unfaithful person. If anyone, and I do mean anyone, is inclined to cheat, they will find ample opportunities. An attractive person might simply have a larger pool of cheaters to choose from.
I have seen many very unattractive people cheat. 
I get a lot of "hits" but I have never broken my vows(18 yrs). My wife gets hit on at the gym, she has a mega hot body, but she is simply not a cheater.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I don't buy the notion of there being a correlation tbh. Plain people will cheat every bit as much as a beautiful person. For every "beautiful" person who is trying to feed their inner narcissist, I bet there is a plain person who is "creaming her panties" over being thrown some attention from another man. The flip side is that most beautiful people become desensitized to fawning attention and from being hit on regularly, so they can take it in stride. A plain person, otoh, wouldn't know how to cope with getting the attention nearly so well.

I liken it to the fat person who loses a lot of weight and suddenly notices that he/she is getting a lot more attention. If a person like this cheats, it's not because they are now good looking is the root cause. The root cause is that inside, they are still that "fat" person and are giddy over the notion that someone (or people) are now paying attention to him/her.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I think the propensity for a very beautiful woman to cheat is two-fold:

1) The woman is beautiful, which means she gets a lot of opportunities, so she is in the unique position of being able to constantly "step up".

2) If the man is less attractive than his wife, he will feel a burden to overcompensate in the Nice Guy department in an attempt to hang on to her. Nice Guys are doormats, and doormats are unattractive, no matter how beautiful the woman is.

Ironically it is the man's own perception of his relative sex ranking, and his panicked urge to hang on to her, that is actually what will drive her away.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Do men "work" harder to keep a trophy wife?
> 
> Any experience?


I don't know whether beautiful people cheat more, but I have seen a lot of men "working harder" to get and keep a beautiful woman, and letting them get away with a lot of things that really should have been unacceptable.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


The answer is buried in you question Dawg. "who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy".


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

manticore said:


> I also think there is relationship between those two factors, but ironically I have hear of more than one case where the man was more attractive than his wife and she cheated, excuse, inferiority complex, the woman felt she was not good enough for him or as many women hit on him, she thought he was cheating so when other guy came in to the picture, well you know the rest of it.
> 
> So take your pick there are excuses for any kind of cheating


Did husband cheat? Or the wife thought he was cheating?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...



The old saying is true. "The hotter they are, the more trouble they are."

Attractive women know they are hot and are used to all the attention they get. But hot guys who get a lot of attention from the ladies are in the same situation.

If the hot woman's hubby is meeting her needs and some, I would say most wouldn't cheat and same goes for the guys.

Rule of thumb, never get involved with a trophy wife or hubby, ever!!!

Another reason, is they know the hubby will do anything for them and they use that to their advantage because they are high maintenance and spoiled.....but beauty only lasts so long and then what do they have when they're older, not much and not the good hubby they could of had.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....


My stbxw cheated with someone WAY lower on the totem poll than me - a total bottom feeding loser. And ugly as sin.

Why? Because she has extremely low self esteem and she could relate to him...she said she felt they were "peers". She's a trashy waitress in a trashy bar and he a drug dealing barfly thug with no home. She was right - they are peers.

And yes, she is beautiful - on the outside. Ugly as sin on the inside.

I'm sure there are plenty of gorgeous women who are moral, loyal, honest and have integrity. At least I think so. Right?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

hawx20 said:


> My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....



Most of the time that's the case...

Maybe they like being the one with the higher sex rank. Maybe they feel more desired by the unattractive person than they did with their spouse. 

I have a higher sex rank than my wife...Not by much though. I don't want to hijack and discuss my story..If I were to have an affair, It would be with somebody way better than my wife. For me it would be to boost my ego and to prove to my wife that somebody more attractive than her would desire me.

To answer the OP. I think I married my wife because I knew she wouldn't cheat on me. I dated a beautiful woman before her and it took so muck work to keep her around...I also knew I wasn't he only boyfriend. I didn't have to work so hard when my wife came around. *I am paying the price now*


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## clouded_3953 (Oct 30, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> *My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? * Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....


 I don’t think I will EVER understand this! My H has cheated many of times and the woman are ALL a huge downgrade. Its almost embarrassing that the person I married made a concious decision to have sex with the nastiest woman. I mean, woman who are 25yrs older... its makes me want to puck!!
My H is very good looking but so am I and everyone tells him that. We don’t so anywhere without guys checking me out.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"This applies to both genders. Why does it happen? Beatiful people get more hit on and if you marry someone "out of you league" there is a higher chance of it happening."

I think beautiful people definitely receive a greater amount of flirtation and attention from other people.

However, whether this proves to be a disastrous situation for a relationship still ultimately boils down to the same criteria as in any other relationship with partners that don't have one or both partners with 'great' physical attractiveness.

And that criteria is character in the partner.

If the 'beautiful' spouse has it, all the extra flirtation and attention amounts to is saying the word "No" a lot more often than other spouses might have to say it.

I think a big problem many couples face today is they choose to become attached to their partners while wearing 'emotional' blinders.

What I mean is they choose permanent lasting relationships without truly analyzing the character and honor of the other person. They willingly blind themselves with their love.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....


I don't know if this is the case but, if so, it could be to make themselves feel in control and good about themselves...

One of my BILs was intensely jealous of his W (my sister) for as long as I can remember. She has charisma and is still a man magnet in late middle-age. When BIL cheated, he went for an unattractive older woman, so I'd say he definitely downgraded.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> I don't know if beautiful women are more inclined to cheat. I do know that EVERY man that I know personally that has cheated, has cheated ON a beautiful or attractive wife. The women that these men cheated with was a huge step down. Like way down.


This is what I have noticed as well. 

Men and women both tend to cheat down when then OW/OM is compared to their spouse.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I've seen and known very beautiful and stunning women who did not do so well in the husband sweepstakes. I have two cousins who were very beautiful in their heyday and well connected socially. The oldest one married a loser (he was caught doing something criminal and the sister has never married.

beauty by itself does not afford so many privileges. I've been in a school, work or social situation where the most popular girls were the most attractive. And average looking women manage to score good men, sometimes including hot men.

Or is that once a woman has a partner she then becomes defined as attractive.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


Is this an observation from your 'real life' or from TAM?

I ask this because if my wife committed adultery now I would be on here complaining about my 'adulterous beautiful wife.'

Every man who posts on TAM has a beautiful wife.

I've also seen many many threads where some guy has posted in an absolute mess because of his 'beautiful' wife committing adultery.
Months and months later he is posting that he now realises that his wife wasn't that beautiful really and was in fact a bit of a minger.
And how his new girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Is this an observation from your 'real life' or from TAM?
> 
> I ask this because if my wife committed adultery now I would be on here complaining about my 'adulterous beautiful wife.'
> 
> ...


That sounds interesting  

I noticed that all new gfs are beautiful  Guess it's a must for a new gf after a troubled divorce...


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Every man who posts on TAM has a beautiful wife.
> 
> And how his new girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world.


What do you expect them to say, "hey ya'll, my butt ugly wife cheated on me. Now I've got a girlfriend that's even uglier"?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> What do you expect them to say, "hey ya'll, my butt ugly wife cheated on me. Now I've got a girlfriend that's even uglier"?


Exactly my point.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

I know I married out of my league. Everything went great for almost 25 years. I doubt if I will ever marry again but if I do I will start looking for the ugliest female I can find and maybe I will be safe.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


I treated my trophy wife like crap. Slapped and pushed her around for years and she still cheated.

Mrs. the-guy had one job and that was to look good under my arm..other then that I didn't give a damn.

I kept my wife unhappy only to be cheated on.

My point is poeple cheat for all kinds of reasons. Some cuz they think they are entitled, some cuz they they think they don't diserve good things, and some cuz they are looking for a bandaid for a crappy marrige.

When it comes to infidelity there is no common reason as to why they cheat.

Back in the day I "worked" less to keep a trophy wife. Back in day Mrs. the-guy didn't prove to be much of a trophy, and I wasn't any better.

Thank God those days are long gone.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

the guy said:


> I treated my trophy wife like crap. Slapped and pushed her around for years and she still cheated.
> 
> Mrs. the-guy had one job and that was to look good under my arm..other then that I didn't give a damn.
> 
> ...


I think you are way worse than your wife... In fact you can't be even compared to her. What kind of coward hits a woman? You should seek for professional help if you feel you can't keep your anger in control.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When it comes to beauty, there is more room for temptation sure but there is also more room for a person to learn personal integrity through overcoming temptations. For example, a not-so attractive woman may fall for the random hot guy while an attractive woman has already met them all for instance and hence may even be more resistant to the temptation. In the end, beauty (or lack therefore) can't guarantee fidelity.

In the end, fidelity and moral integrity is an individual trait regardless of a person's appearance.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

CouldItBeSo said:


> I think you are way worse than your wife... In fact you can't be even compared to her. What kind of coward hits a woman? You should seek for professional help if you feel you can't keep your anger in control.


:iagree:

After being with 20 OM during our 23 year marriage I still don't understand why we are still together. But almost 4 years ago it was a very defining moment for both of us

professional help..check

Back in '95 I was a completely different guy. Fighting was all I knew besides doing time.
Back in '95 being a nude model was all she knew, beside doing me.

The point is we both had bad behaviors and even her beauty wasn't enough to stop the bad behaviors we both once had.

In short, looks have nothing to do with how broken people can be and the crap they do to the ones they love.


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## Aaronsmid (Sep 5, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> My question is why do people downgrade when they cheat? Sure, not all the time, but the majority of the time, the person they cheated with was a severe downgrade in either looks/personality/class or all of the above....
> 
> I know thats the case with my wife....Hell, she cheated with the most worthless excuse for a man I have ever known....and hes not even good looking....I might of understood if he looked like a god....but damn....



I read somewhere that women upgrade and guys will basically do anything on offer. Just saying.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Is this an observation from your 'real life' or from TAM?
> 
> I ask this because if my wife committed adultery now I would be on here complaining about my 'adulterous beautiful wife.'
> 
> ...


I've noticed that men will do this but women don't. I can't remember a post where the woman wrote about her "adulterous handsome husband". I sure it's happened but not to often. I'm curious why men feel it's important to add that their cheating wife is hot, beautiful or attractive.


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## Aaronsmid (Sep 5, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I'm curious why men feel it's important to add that their cheating wife is hot, beautiful or attractive.


I didn't incidentally (for the record) though she is a good looking woman.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

My ex was a looker who managed to marry a homely guy who wasn't particularly bright but a hard worker who provided her with everything material she thought she felt the need to have.
Now she has nothing and the "hot guys" she craved have used up everything she took out of the marriage including her health and her looks.


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## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

Rugs said:


> This maybe in the wrong forum. ??
> 
> I have seen a common theme of beautiful women who's husbands bend over backwards to keep them happy only to be cheated on.
> 
> ...


I think physical beauty has nothing to do with one's propensity to cheat. Unhealthy self-esteem, however, does.

I have known many really stunning and gorgeous women but their have unhealthy self-esteem. Whether a woman is beautiful or not, if her self-esteem is based solely on physical appearance she is what you called attention-wh0re. 

A beautiful woman (with low self-esteem) has been told how beautiful she is repeatedly, has gotten her ways because of her physical beauty. She learns to forgo hard work to get ahead, she learns that people around her tend to cut her some slack. Sooner or later, she starts to loosen her boundary. If a man gives her the cold-shoulder, her confidence plummets because her whole concept of being relies on her physical beauty and the attention from the opposite sex (and other women). 

A not so beautiful woman (with low self-esteem) strives to be "attractive" because she sees how easy a beautiful woman has it. I know an older woman who might be a stunner when she was younger (it's hard to tell) but let's just say that now she is the only one who doesn't seem to realise that she is not a homecoming queen anymore. She is a serial cheater, the bunny boiler type who chased after her AP when he dumps her. 

I, however, also know a really stunning woman working toward her PhD. She doesn't even seem to realise how beautiful (inside and out) she is. Her self-esteem is based on her brain and kindness, not her physical beauty. She doesn't care if a man pays her attention or not. If she was raised with any concept of morality and "right" from "wrong," I don't think she will cheat. 

I also know many not-so attractive women who are witty, smart, and kind...and the longer I get to know them, the more attractive they become. They know right from wrong, and they do not care if they turn heads or not. They strive to be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. 

My point here, there is no need to blame physical beauty. It is a gift and why should we blame the symmetrical face, the perfect body (whatever your definition of a perfect body). If she only seems to care about her face and body and attention from the opposite sex, however, maybe you should really question her vanity and future fidelity.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I also think, the reason a woman cheats on her hot hubby is because he isn't meeting her needs.

And the reason a hubby cheats on his hot wifee is because she isn't meeting his needs.

What good is marrying a hot trophy wife, that is high maintenance, lower sex drive and vanilla? That would drive any guy crazy and eventually cheat and with an average women who likes sex often and isn't high maintenance. Same goes for a hot high maintenance lower sex drive guy married to a higher sex drive woman and the woman cheats.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I also think, the reason a woman cheats on her hot hubby is because he isn't meeting her needs.
> 
> And the reason a hubby cheats on his hot wifee is because she isn't meeting his needs.
> 
> What good is marrying a hot trophy wife, that is high maintenance, lower sex drive and vanilla? That would drive any guy crazy and eventually cheat and with an average women who likes sex often and isn't high maintenance. Same goes for a hot high maintenance lower sex drive guy married to a higher sex drive woman and the woman cheats.


I fundamentally disagree with the notion that people are in any way driven to cheat by the actions of others. Unhappy people can end unhealthy relationships without bringing in the trauma and misery that comes with cheating. Adding infidelity to an already dysfunctional situation is not in any way a mature or healthy response.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Slightly different perspective into the mix. My WW was hot; Cheerleader, Big 8. I didn’t consider her out of my league, known since grade school. Something about beautiful people; They rely on their beauty to place them in the pecking order of life. So, my wife was used to dominating a room and the attention. She wasn’t used to being brushed off. 

And, well, I didn’t worry back then... she had grown up being hit on constantly and could turn them away easily. Afterall, she could pick any guy in the room she wanted and he’d willing flirt with her all night just hoping for something more. And me... I kind of liked it; Who is that guy with the hot wife? What’s his story? People found that interesting too, so I also was someone they wouldn’t brush off. 

Then we started having kids. Her body started changing, and she got older. A thirty something now finding that men she’s talking with, would be watching the twenty something hottie. She was losing to the younger hotter versions of her former self. So, she started ramping up her attention tools and embraced that ‘party/fun girl’ side knowing damn well that men find that ‘hot’: Heavier flirtations, dirty dancing sort of stuff, shots and so forth. That creates circumstances, situations, and opportunities. She was seeking ego fulfillment to know she’s still ‘got it’ and got riskier as she approached 40. Then all the affairs so they would still pay attention to her... almost like her mind twisted that if she didn’t put out something, they wouldn’t want to keep telling her all those sweet things she like to hear. She feared losing those ‘friends’.

Basically, people who rely upon their looks, don’t adjust well when beauty begins to fade. Their ‘tools’ for how they get ‘self-value’ and ‘self-esteem’ stop working right. They’ve relied on outside validation for too long... that’s what they were used to. Very few ‘ugly ducklings’... most beautiful people were born that way and grew up being told how gorgeous they are. When it stops being constant, they feel lost and worthless.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> I fundamentally disagree with the notion that people are in any way driven to cheat by the actions of others. Unhappy people can end unhealthy relationships without bringing in the trauma and misery that comes with cheating. Adding infidelity to an already dysfunctional situation is not in any way a mature or healthy response.


No its not always because of the actions of others, sometimes all it takes is they aren't what I've been getting for 10 years and I want something different then here comes the opportunity. 

However you can drive someone to cheat if you aren't meeting their needs. Then again maybe they aren't having their needs met so they lost interest in their mates needs.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I also think, the reason a woman cheats on her hot hubby is because he isn't meeting her needs.
> 
> And the reason a hubby cheats on his hot wifee is because she isn't meeting his needs.
> 
> What good is marrying a hot trophy wife, that is high maintenance, lower sex drive and vanilla? That would drive any guy crazy and eventually cheat and with an average women who likes sex often and isn't high maintenance. Same goes for a hot high maintenance lower sex drive guy married to a higher sex drive woman and the woman cheats.


With respect to "needs". People can have what they need, get their needs met and steel cheat out of greed and novelty.

When you see it on all forms of media, you might think your missing out if your not also cheating. I didn't say it was right, but it happens at a high percentage.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Racer said:


> Slightly different perspective into the mix. My WW was hot; Cheerleader, Big 8. I didn’t consider her out of my league, known since grade school. Something about beautiful people; They rely on their beauty to place them in the pecking order of life. So, my wife was used to dominating a room and the attention. She wasn’t used to being brushed off.
> 
> And, well, I didn’t worry back then... she had grown up being hit on constantly and could turn them away easily. Afterall, she could pick any guy in the room she wanted and he’d willing flirt with her all night just hoping for something more. And me... I kind of liked it; Who is that guy with the hot wife? What’s his story? People found that interesting too, so I also was someone they wouldn’t brush off.
> 
> ...


If she wanted to get that "hit" she used to when she was younger, she must have cranked it all the way up. I can only imagine the level and range of cheating which occured. I can imagine there were a ton of sex for validation, and not just validation from "anybody", but people who were the "centers" of what she thought was hot. Possibly sex acts done that aren't done in the house, putting herself out there, letting herself be used, etc.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

My first wife was hotter than hell and cheated on me repeatedly the first six months of the marriage. She was a dyed in the wool attention ho.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

X-Betaman said:


> I know I married out of my league. Everything went great for almost 25 years. I doubt if I will ever marry again but if I do I will start looking for the ugliest female I can find and maybe I will be safe.


I've thought about this a lot with respect to contingent self-esteem. For me there is no "league" or sex rank, and anyone who places themselves either above or below has an issue with fragile self-esteem. Let me rephrase clearly, "Sex rank works only to the extent it exploits human emotional frailty". So you workout to get the "golden ratio", improve your confidence & up your game only to manipulate the next partner's externalizations. Is this making anyone else ill?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Jung_admirer said:


> I've thought about this a lot with respect to contingent self-esteem. For me there is no "league" or sex rank, and anyone who places themselves either above or below has an issue with fragile self-esteem. Let me rephrase clearly, "Sex rank works only to the extent it exploits human emotional frailty". So you workout to get the "golden ratio", improve your confidence & up your game only to manipulate the next partner's externalizations. Is this making anyone else ill?


What if your not just improving your "sex rank" for selfish reasons, but that you want to create stronger attraction in a relationship that already exists. You know these said qualities and quantities have a level of demand and effect the mind in a certain way, and yours can be improved somewhat. Why not? If your not degrading or devaluing the other person to get it.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Some examples of needs not being met and that sometimes results in an EA or PA and we see this played over and over again on TAM.....

Hubby isn't meeting wifee's needs. She is HD and he is LD. Over many years, she is sexually starved and one day, starts chatting with some guy and has an EA, meets him and has a PA.

Or Wifee isn't meeting hubby's needs. He is HD and she is LD. Many years of this makes him sexually starved and weak. So maybe one night going out with the guys, a hot woman hits on him and wants sex and he gives in and has all the sex he was missing that night.

Or what if Hubby is not emotionally there for his wife. She gets the sex, but not that emotional closeness and wanting to be needed love. She is on facebook and meets a guy that is a great match for her and gives her that emotional connection. They meet, EA at first but they get along so great, they have sex.

Or what if the wifee isn't there emotionally for her hubby, only duty sex. He meets a fun emotionally close woman, they get involved, EA and maybe PA.

The list goes on and on......


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

treyvion said:


> What if your not just improving your "sex rank" for selfish reasons, but that you want to create stronger attraction in a relationship that already exists. You know these said qualities and quantities have a level of demand and effect the mind in a certain way, and yours can be improved somewhat. Why not? If your not degrading or devaluing the other person to get it.


Ahhh yes, but therein lies the rub. I tell people it's not the ends but the means that matter. What is telling you to be this more attractive person? Your most attractive persona is you doing exactly what you are meant to do, not playing to the crowd for approval or recognition. By all means, create your best self! It is trite to say that the "source of your motivation matters"? You can read MMSLP and create this artificial persona that will attract partners, but only at the great expense of losing an opportunity to listen from within. You cannot simultaneously look within while pandering to the external.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

Racer said:


> Slightly different perspective into the mix. My WW was hot; Cheerleader, Big 8. I didn’t consider her out of my league, known since grade school. Something about beautiful people; They rely on their beauty to place them in the pecking order of life. So, my wife was used to dominating a room and the attention. She wasn’t used to being brushed off.
> 
> And, well, I didn’t worry back then... she had grown up being hit on constantly and could turn them away easily. Afterall, she could pick any guy in the room she wanted and he’d willing flirt with her all night just hoping for something more. And me... I kind of liked it; Who is that guy with the hot wife? What’s his story? People found that interesting too, so I also was someone they wouldn’t brush off.
> 
> ...


I think racer's experience is not that uncommon. I share the sentiment that others have expressed that moral fortitude and self-control are better predictors than looks. However, good looking people have more opportunities.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

lifeisbetterthanalternat said:


> I think racer's experience is not that uncommon. I share the sentiment that others have expressed that moral fortitude and self-control are better predictors than looks. However, *good looking people have more opportunities.*


BINGO! This is the key. 

Why do Hollywood's beautiful people trade off partners like they're in a mass square dance? Because they are attractive and are surrounded by other attractive people just like them and have more opportunities and stronger urges to roam. 

That and most of them are completely amoral.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

treyvion said:


> If she wanted to get that "hit" she used to when she was younger, she must have cranked it all the way up. I can only imagine the level and range of cheating which occured. I can imagine there were a ton of sex for validation, and not just validation from "anybody", but people who were the "centers" of what she thought was hot. Possibly sex acts done that aren't done in the house, putting herself out there, letting herself be used, etc.


Nope. Remember that they have relied upon their looks for so long to gain attention, that they don’t really start thinking about sex with others to get it without a ton of corruption along the way. That just wasn’t ever necessary to ‘hook a man’. Think stripper. You can gain attention without ever getting physical just by projecting sexuality. That’s my wife. She knows she can suck your wallet dry with the fantasy of her without really earning it beyond the tease.

Also remember something else; it’s a two way street. My wife’s idea of a hot guy is also younger, attractive, and single. But those that can attract the opposite sex seldom want to deal with the baggage of someone older, married, etc. when they can get someone who is younger, good looking, and doesn’t bring that drama into their lives. (Obviously there are exceptions, but in general it’s like this). 

That means my wife had to settle for men she saw as a lower sex rank rather than her version of ‘hot’. And like most egotistical self-absorbed people, she wasn’t going to sleep with someone ‘below her’. The vast majority of her inappropriate relationships were variations of EA’s.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LostViking said:


> BINGO! This is the key.
> 
> Why do Hollywood's beautiful people trade off partners like they're in a mass square dance? Because they are attractive and are surrounded by other attractive people just like them and have more opportunities and stronger urges to roam.
> 
> That and most of them are completely amoral.


:iagree::iagree:
That's a whole other thread there bro.:lol:


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

My wife and I have both been considered 'good-looking':
Me: 45, 6'3, 200lb, medium/slim build, very blue eyes, full head of dark-hair.
Her: 39, 5'8, 130lb, slim-build, long legs, blue eyes, great smile, blonde hair, no t!ts.

Which is why, when she went with her OM, my immediate thought was _"he's punching above his weight with her"_


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I dont care HOW much $$$ you have, you dont marry someone notches above you on the "attractiveness" scale...julia roberts cheated on lyle lovett...there is a reason for this

another thing...say two attractive peeps get married, over the years they gain weight, she pops out a few kids...whatever...and then in their 40's he or she starts losing weight, working out, dieting...then the OTHER better make damn sure they are on the same page as far as losing weight...or they find themselves fat, while their spouse has lost weight, bought new wardrobe, feeling anf looking better...BAD situation...not saying they will always cheat, or even that its the majority, but Ive seen it plenty of times, it happens enough to NOT be a fluke

hot people dont marry ugly people unless its for $$...change the wording ALL you want but it comes down to this...just ask Hugh Heffner, or sadly Paul Mcartney (who isnt ugly, just old with hot younger wives)


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Keyword "Trophy Wife". It takes alot of work to keep a trophy after you've "bagged" it. It has to sit on a shelf, get polished constantly, shown off to friends and foes alike, and the trophy only has to remain on display until the next challenger surfaces.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> I dont care HOW much $$$ you have, you dont marry someone notches above you on the "attractiveness" scale...julia roberts cheated on lyle lovett...there is a reason for this


Don't marry someone who believes in the "attractiveness" scale. Basing a relationship on attractiveness is a Faustian bargain (unless you believe trading in your partner every so often is the best way to live life), because in the end we are all dust . Physical attractiveness should be the smallest part of the chemistry between two people, but that doesn't seem prevalent given the rates of divorce, EA & PA. More's the pity.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Jung_admirer said:


> Don't marry someone who believes in the "attractiveness" scale. Basing a relationship on attractiveness is a Faustian bargain (unless you believe trading in your partner every so often is the best way to live life), because in the end we are all dust . Physical attractiveness should be the smallest part of the chemistry between two people, but that doesn't seem prevalent given the rates of divorce, EA & PA. More's the pity.


I love the sentiment, but we are attracted on a biological level. I frankly don't believe there is much conscious control over what we find attractive. I certainly don't select the women I take second looks at.

In fact, I'd say people who deny basic attraction are on some level, settling. That won't end well.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> I love the sentiment, but we are attracted on a biological level. I frankly don't believe there is much conscious control over what we find attractive. I certainly don't select the women I take second looks at.
> 
> In fact, I'd say people who deny basic attraction are on some level, settling. That won't end well.


The important elements of attraction are unconscious. The psychological imperatives are much stronger than the evolutionary biological
rationale mentioned by previous posters. You cannot escape this, but you can work to gain a conscious understanding of the pull you feel.
In this way, you can act as opposed to react. You know the tale of the scorpion and the frog? The scorpion, understanding his nature, might have 
found a bridge instead of asking to be carried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sedona (Oct 10, 2013)

Not all beautiful women are trophy wives. And not all trophy wives are beautiful. 

Beautiful women are not automatically narcissists, or get more opportunities.


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