# That gut feeling is back again... am I crazy ???



## SuspectORParanoid (Apr 24, 2015)

Ok - So I've got that gut feeling - and it's never been wrong when it counts in my life ever before... However, my exceptionally messed up resume from previous relationships and various infidelity's meant that a rather stock standard EA that occurred early in this relationship became the straw that broke the camels back...

Without going into details about the above, what I am trying to say is - there is a fair chance that I am hyperviginant and a little "paranoid" due to incidences in my past and that may be causing my normally solid gut instinct to be less dependable than it once was. 

I'll give you the details and see what other rational people think!

So the EA that occurred back in 2011 was comparatively insignificant in the scheme of things when compared to other infidelities and unconventional relationship types that I have dealt with from my first relationship to the last preceding this one. 

If you can imagine a world where a 6 month EA with a co-worker, 350+/- SMS's a month and all the fun that comes along with denial of that, deleted emails/sms/app chats etc being almost insignificant enough that it would basically not even rate on the "red flags or carefactor" scale, then you might get an idea of how messy my past before that was. 

However, turns out we all have our breaking point and for me, the EA was finally it. Like many, I never got the real, independent solid proof hard evidence answers about what really occurred, left only with the word of a proven liar who had gone out of her way to cover the tracks and further destroy what remained, faster than .... i dunno... something really fkn' fast. Also with the expert ability of a forensic data recovery specialist being her particular skillset, you can imagine the difficulty one would face in attempting to piece any evidence together to fill the blanks. 

Anyway - long story short, that left me pretty damaged and my ability to sort paranoia over genuine red flags was severely compromised for quite some time... but I do feel that it has finally made a pretty good recovery in the last 18 months... I stopped snooping, I stopped going to defcon 1 every time the slightest thing triggered me and I gave my new found hacking, encryption and forensic data recovery skills a rest... On that note though, if there is one thing that I am incredibly happy to take away from that, its gotta be the amazing skills in hacking and data recovery that I learnt through hours and hours and hours of relentlessly learning and applying that.

So here we are, 3 years into marriage, first child (4 months old), living the dream - all that's needed is a white picket fence out front and its all downhill from there... welcome to life as a family unit and goodbye living the dream without a care in the world.... 

Now... it might just be that she is making the most of maternity leave - which is fair enough... but my spidey senses are acting up again suddenly. The mobile phone is glued to her 24/7... she takes it everywhere with her and she is constantly messaging someone or flicking through facebook news feed. Half the problem is simply the inability to go 20mins without picking up her phone and fiddling with it - scrolling through complete rubbish like facebook news feed just out of habit all the time... messaging her friends right now and right then - rather than just wait till the 10min car ride to the shops or whatever is over so we can maybe have a conversation instead of googling lolcatz or her friends cousins brothers uncle's best mate's latest update comment that no one gives a **** about... 

I have kept a constant check on the phone records for the last 8 weeks - no unknown number showing up regularly enough to warrant anything suspicious... the SMS's are all to known numbers and calls are not her style.... nothing showing up out of line there either though. 

She has Whatsapp - I've spoofed the MAC address via terminal emulator and run it parallel to her ... nothing! I've pulled the whatsapp backup databases from her phone and run them through a PC based program that decrypts them and makes them viewable (Kind of like Sqlite DB)... no deleted conversations showing and no hidden contacts... 

I can't see any apps with messaging/chat capability installed in Google Play and I can't see any major data use by apps unknown that may be hiding a chat/messaging function...

So... I'm sure most of you at this point would say "Yep... sounds like you've lost your marbles... she's not up to anything..." - But the phone use is excessive... even for her... I can't help but wonder if despite all my wisdom, I am missing something??? Does anyone know of any communications apps that are practical enough to communicate regularly and easily, yet appear as standard/common apps... or possibly apps that serve as another purpose/function for 90% of their design, but have a messaging/chat function built in with push messaging???

The other thing that has me adding weight to the possibility of there being something going on is the new found enthusiasm for always having some kind of outing, mothers group, lunch with friends, need to go for a walk around the shops or general engagement - basically every day. By all means, she's free to enjoy her life I aren't saying that should be restricted... but I am just wondering why a trip up to the local shopping centre that is 10mins away on a bad traffic day, to go to the post office - takes 1.5hrs.... or why she manages to take 4hrs walking around the same shops we have been to 100 times... or why she constantly has engagement after engagement with friends, ultimately filling most of the day... leaving the house round 10/11am and comming home at 4:30/5pm... 


Like I said - I have gone through everything I can think of - I can't find anything amiss... but something don't feel right...

Thoughts???

(and "Yes, your crazy" is already known  hehehe)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

At this point just keep your eyes and ears open... and keep looking for a while longer.

Have you considered GPS on her auto? or a VAR?

You could go to where she says she will be and see if she's there. Or hire a PI.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You n
might need help. The constant Facebook use and the like sounds like most of my colleagues. And it is all innocent and boring stuff.

They show colleagues the pictures and videos.

Until the advent of Facebook I had no idea of the number of cute children and talented pets in my colleague's lives. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

With a new kid chances are she's yearning for social contact


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Sounds fishy but maybe postpartum you know any little excuse to get away from your kid that includes her phone. being around little ones can be draining I love my boys and one is almost out the door but I remember times I was happy as he11 to go to work when I had to watch them all day by myself.

Some women have issues with postpartum, maybe talk to her if she has the feeling of the need to escape it could cause her to seek validation or hide something all to herself out side of your marriage or home.
Not in a bad cheating way but it can move in that direction.

Do the old Ronnie trust but verify, be proactive a driver not a rider in all things in your marriage. Several game aps have a chat feature look at the games she plays

Talk, let her vent and help her out not in a fix it way but around the house to take stress off of her, reconnect as lovers date nights call gradma. 
dont get wrapped up being mom and dad and back burner husband and wife it will be you and her after the kids leave the house. 
tell her how sexy she looks not just say it but mean it, kiss and lick her belly and stretch marks with all the other interesting parts. 

maybe ic for pp

I maybe F.O.S on some of that and your mileage may differ but it has worked for me it has kept my best friend, lover and wife the mother of my boys happy and interested for 18 years we are looking for all kinds of adventure and fun post empty nest 2nd 3rd 4th 5th etc.. honeymoon bow chica wowwow 

Wish you the best and hope your spidy is broken fingers crossed


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

SuspectORParanoid said:


> Ok - So I've got that gut feeling - and it's never been wrong when it counts in my life ever before... However, my exceptionally messed up resume from previous relationships and various infidelity's meant that a rather stock standard EA that occurred early in this relationship became the straw that broke the camels back...
> 
> Without going into details about the above, what I am trying to say is - there is a fair chance that I am hyperviginant and a little "paranoid" due to incidences in my past and that may be causing my normally solid gut instinct to be less dependable than it once was.
> 
> ...


I would be suspicious too. Especially since is sound like you said there was an EA in 2011, which means it happened just before or after getting married. But the fact that she just had a baby makes me think it could just be a new phase she's going through. 

A VAR under velcroed tightly under passenger seat of her car and in the room that she does most of her talking could give you the info you need very quickly.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Does she take the child with her when she goes out ? I'm assuming yes and that you are working..

I get the whole computer forensic thing as I do that myself. But as they say a painters house is never painted and a plumbers house always leaks..

Just deleting stuff is good enough to protect recovery on many phones from the common person.. 

I sadly understand the crazy part as well **Points to self**.

But I do get the whole acting different thing. 

The only thing you have left is hiring a PI to follow her for 2 days. Make sure she is just with the friends or really just walking around. Look even if she is outside on her phone while walking or sitting on a park bench and texting. Then I would consider it her just wanting to be outside.. Because if you are working and not home she doesn't need to go outside to text someone. Maybe talk if she thinks you are recording her, but not texting.

Also since she does computer forensics, she might notice on the technical end what you are doing and its driving her nuts but just doesn't want to say anything and hopes it goes away, but for now she is just trying to get away from you and your craziness. 

Again you need to temper your moments and take some things for what they really are and not more than what they seem to be.. So her telling you about her crazy single female co worker fvcking a bunch of men, does not mean she wants to do it. 

But I think a 2 day follow would completely put your mind at ease.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

SuspectORParanoid said:


> She has Whatsapp - I've spoofed the MAC address via terminal emulator and run it parallel to her ... nothing! I've pulled the whatsapp backup databases from her phone and run them through a PC based program that decrypts them and makes them viewable (Kind of like Sqlite DB)... no deleted conversations showing and no hidden contacts...
> 
> I can't see any apps with messaging/chat capability installed in Google Play and I can't see any major data use by apps unknown that may be hiding a chat/messaging function...


Interesting work. 

I caught my wife's continuation of the EA through the Skype sqlite db which stores records of calls and all chats. She was deleting everything out of Skype but since the the DB expands as needed and does not collapse when you delete information, I was able to figure out that is where the activity was happening by the increasing size of the empty DB. I wrote a perl script that monitored the DB every two minutes and made a copy anytime the DB had changed and just got what I needed from a text editor. 

Since you appear capable of this, you might consider buying a switch that you can span a port to and start doing full packet captures of network traffic. You can capture and look at this in Wireshark, or use shell tools to break it down to URLS' and google searches. It can be time consuming though. I can share my scripting method if you go this route. I figured out how to automate most of it, but have not fully set that up.

An alternative to Wireshark is loading the Gargoyle firmware on you router that has an option to view the domains visited and search terms used. Helpfully you can exclude your own systems so you are not sorting through those easier.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gargoyle_(router_firmware)

If she is using a personal VPN both the Wireshark and Gargoyle captures will be foiled and you won't see anything useful on https traffic. With a full capture, you will be able to scrape some clear text passwords on some sites, like meetup.com, and those passwords might be re-used elsewhere or the logon sequence might expose email addresses you where unaware of.

Also, there are some communication apps for cheating that are hidden and she might have acquired apart from the Goggle play and maybe she is just using something web based with https.

But all this monitoring will drive you nuts. If you mean to stay with her, you both need to get into therapy to address the trust issues because you are not doing it well on your own. This is really toxic and if you don't find a way past it it will destroy your marriage, your happiness, or maybe even both.

Good Luck.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

One note is that wireshark can be helpful but given more and more applications are defaulting to secure channels it is becoming less useful.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

eric1 said:


> One note is that wireshark can be helpful but given more and more applications are defaulting to secure channels it is becoming less useful.


Very true, but their are some things you can get from it. For example, if she is lingering on websites that relate to the OM hobbies, and particularly schedules for events he might be at.

Even when https is used you still get to see what sites where visited and also, at the moment, what google searches where performed.


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## tonygunner007 (Apr 24, 2015)

I guess it's just an habit. She's addicted.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

SuspectORParanoid said:


> Ok - So I've got that gut feeling - and it's never been wrong when it counts in my life ever before... However, my exceptionally messed up resume from previous relationships and various infidelity's meant that a rather stock standard EA that occurred early in this relationship became the straw that broke the camels back...
> 
> Without going into details about the above, what I am trying to say is - there is a fair chance that I am hyperviginant and a little "paranoid" due to incidences in my past and that may be causing my normally solid gut instinct to be less dependable than it once was.
> 
> ...


It appears to me the new mom likes to be social about her new momhood status. Pictures are taken and posted. She is looking for any responses. 

You have check just about everything and found nothing. I suspect she is just being a social butterfly with her friends that also have children.

The best thing you can do at this point is keep vigilant but also be there for her in any and all capacity you can.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Hardtohandle said:


> The only thing you have left is hiring a PI to follow her for 2 days. Make sure she is just with the friends or really just walking around...
> 
> ...I think a 2 day follow would completely put your mind at ease.


:iagree:

It sounds like you have exhausted almost every available technical avenue. And the fact that your wife is a computer sleuth doesn't help matters much.

I agree with HtH... just hire a PI and be done with it. You will get your answer in short order and at least you will know, one way or the other.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Has she changed

Personal grooming habits

Clothing she wears

Sexy underwear

Your sex life

How she treats/talks to you?

One thing you might get from a VAR is convos with a close friend. Cheaters often talk to a close friend about their affair partner.

Have you tried find my phone to verify her locations?

Do the two of you still go out on date nights?


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## MichinCC (Sep 30, 2014)

SuspectORParanoid said:


> scrolling through complete rubbish like facebook news feed just out of habit all the time... messaging her friends right now and right then - rather than just wait till the 10min car ride to the shops or whatever is over so we can maybe have a conversation instead of googling lolcatz or her friends cousins brothers uncle's best mate's latest update comment that no one gives a **** about...


I laughed out loud at this because it reminds me of my husband. Can't take a d*mn car ride without Facebook or him deciding he must make an uber important (not!) phone call. 



SuspectORParanoid said:


> She has Whatsapp - I've spoofed the MAC address via terminal emulator and run it parallel to her ... nothing! I've pulled the whatsapp backup databases from her phone and run them through a PC based program that decrypts them and makes them viewable (Kind of like Sqlite DB)... no deleted conversations showing and no hidden contacts...


Please, teach me your ways!

Anyway, sorry I'm not too much help. I will say I understand the hyper vigilance that comes with experiencing the sh*t end of EAs. I do think my spidey sense is broken because of this because it tingles all the freaking time now and I can't find squat but I like that I can sort of tone it down by not finding anything damning. 

I will also add that during my maternity leave I would have loved some adult interaction but I lack friends close by so I couldn't. If I had been in my hometown after my babies I probably would've been out at the houses of family and friends frequently. However, I also found traveling with a new baby exhausting so I don't think I'd want to go out with a baby as much as she is. But I do agree with the person who stated she's probably posting a million baby pics on FB and keeps checking for likes and comments. First babies are an obsession.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SuspectORParanoid said:


> ...I gave *my new found hacking, encryption and forensic data recovery skills* a rest... On that note though, if there is one thing that I am incredibly happy to take away from that, its gotta be *the amazing skills in hacking and data recovery that I learnt through hours and hours and hours of relentlessly learning and applying that*.


Oh? Do share. If you're not comfortable doing so via the open forum, please feel free to send whatever resources you may have via PM.



SuspectORParanoid said:


> I can't see any apps with messaging/chat capability installed in Google Play and I can't see any major data use by apps unknown that may be hiding a chat/messaging function...


She could be bypassing the Google Play store by side-loading apps. Or she could be loading them via Amazon's App Store.

As for the rest...

1) Start going low tech. If you suspect that she's not where she says she is during the day, start tracking mileage.

2) You have a 4-month-old child and suspect that your wife is cheating. Here you go...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Gus is phones. phd level.

vars and stuff is top link in my signature.

not sure what to make of it tho. she could be innocent but a prior is a bad indicator.

answer the questions about other changes in her behavior.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Trust your gut...

From were I'm sitting your old lady didn't have any real consequences that scared the shyt out of her to never ever pull this crap again!

I'm guessen the challeng is on and seeing if you can nail her again....so ya you may have a hell of a time catching her @ss but in the mean time she is enjoying the challenge.

Alls I'm saying is bad behavior continues with out consequences.


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## march16 (Mar 16, 2013)

Staying at home with a child is a huge lifestyle change, especially if you usually work, no adult talk through the day can be very lonely ..... it might be really innocent, craving some outside world contact, and posting baby updates on fbook, etc, and getting out of the house to parent groups was always fun, that is a long time to be out and about each day though with a small baby....

Do the VAR etc for your peace of mind, but I would be learning towards the above. 10 years ago there was no such thing as social media - I watched a lot of soaps and talk shows, but now there is fbook and texting! Good luck


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

march16 said:


> 10 years ago there was no such thing as social media - k


40 years ago there was the milkman and door to door salesmen....

Trust your gut!

You didn't need social media as long as the vacuum salesman came knocking while a guys is at work providing for his family..

Not to be sexest...that same guy was most likely banging his secretary...i think there call admins now.

At the end of the day you really won't know what your spouse is up to unless you take the time to look and protect the family unit from POS that wants to bang married folks.


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## SuspectORParanoid (Apr 24, 2015)

Thanks for all the responses everyone has given - The overwhelming majority of you have supported that there is perfectly reasonable explanation to the things I've raised and I take that on board with confidence that you are indeed right - and I am glad that it's just me overthinking things for once 

I am not going to dig any further or deeper at this stage given the above, supported by the rational opinions provided here by everyone - I'll accept that its me and get back to getting on with positive things in life rather than revert to the past behaviours that I agree, are toxic and ultimately damaging.

Thanks for your input, very much appreciated!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I am leaning towards this being her reaction to having to care constantly for a newborn. She is craving adult contact and she misses her previous life. Plus she is probably caught up in all the social fun of baby pictures etc with her friends.

You have monitored quite closely and not found anything at all. I would add a VAR to the mix just to close that gap. But only if you can ensure it will not be found! Find My Phone as someone else suggested is also a good idea. Do it only once or twice to verify she is out at the shops she said she was going to. It can drain batteries quickly by keeping the GPS running. Be sure it does not notify her on the screen that you have pinged her location.

Why don't you ask her directly how she is doing? You can mention that you have noticed she is distracted a lot with Facebook and is spending more time with her friends. Ask her if she is feeling overwhelmed with the baby. Ask her if there is something you can do to help out. I would also mention that you are feeling that you are missing spending as much time with her.

Having a baby is a huge change in lifestyle for both of you. I suspect you are triggering off of that. Be sure to talk to her about making the marriage the central focus of the family, not the baby. Yes the baby needs a lot of time right now, but your marriage is the foundation of the family. Rotten foundation, rotten family. Be sure to have date nights. As the child gets older, don't get lost in doing everything for the child. Make time for the marriage. Too many people spend too much time and money on kids' activities to the detriment of the family and of the marriage.


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## SuspectORParanoid (Apr 24, 2015)

Not sure why my previous post hasn't been approved/posted since I wrote it - but I'll summarize quickly...

I take on board what most have said about the new mother thing and it sounding plausable that she is just enjoying that - that's the main self check I was looking for (either way) out of my OP... I accept that I might be over reacting at this point and I am going not continuing any further on the digging and snooping and monitoring mission for now. ears to the ground as always, but not going to kick it up to that next level of extreme surveillance based on this conclusion for now 

I'll PM people with the forensics/recovery/monitoring stuff - I'm not sharing it in open forum for obvious reasons and I will only share it with people who have enough technical know how to use it - there's a hell of a lot of explaining, typing and detail to provide for so many different areas of this that it would take me forever to tell every person who has has a cheating partner in their life and it would likely blow up in your face if you are not the technical minded sort of person - resulting in serious problems should you be caught by your spouse or law enforcement. 

PM me if you are wanting to know about something in particular. Android phones are my speciality, but I am pretty solid on everything and anything from browser/operating system forensics, communicator/messenger/skype/facebook chat/log recovery through to wireless network monitoring+hacking and of course Apple/iphone/pad/cloud stuff. If there's something you need that I haven't mentioned in that list, just ask - I have more than likely got what you need.

All the best and thanks for the input everyone.


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