# How long does it take to heal



## atbab (Aug 22, 2011)

About 6 weeks ago my wife and I had a heart-to-heart where I admitted to having had emotional affairs with other women and had been with prostitutes. I was never sure I should have told her but felt it was needed if we were going to try save our marriage. Since then I have maintained an open and honest relationship wife her and focussed on fulfilling her emotional needs. I relationship has been very emotional over the past 5 weeks and we have spent about 1-2 hours every night talking about our feelings and events from the past. There have also been occasions when we have been intimate to a point where she even suggested sex, but I have always stopped at that point to talk as she has indicated during our chats that she is not sure she wants to stay. Am I doing the right thing?

How long will it be before she is sure she wants to stay? 

Or do I just accept the times she wants sex and enjoy it?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

As far as time goes there are to many variables. 
Some folks have a bad deal and there spouses never have remorse and there's a fake R and the wayward just strings them along until the loyal has had enough....sometimes month and even years. 

Other side of the coin is wayward does the heavy lifting , but loyal tries but can't cope but moths or years go by and they divorce.

So in my opinion the loyal has to have some real grit and forgive while the wayward has to completely give it up and throw it all in to the loyal. I'm taking on their knees...butt kissing events that show remorse and submission. In this case I think R can be established pretty quick.

The thing is the capasity to forgive to heal and the capicity to submit to heal is relative to the time it takes to re do a marriage.

Some loyals cant forgive... want to but....... Just like some waywards want to forget and "move on". 

My take is, the more open the wayward is the better off the loyal can heal. This infidelity crap should be brough out and looked at head on...no holding back kind of thing, no matter what.

In my experience the more its (affair) talked about the sooner the marriage can repair. 

It realy has to be looked at with out worring about the other spouses feelings, an approach that brings the whole thing out in the open.... an ughly reality that many hide from. When folks hide from things then ther is really no understanding, and with out understanding it could be years before it (the marriage) just falls apart any way.


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