# From worse to good to worse again...



## keepmessinup (Feb 19, 2013)

Hello-

I have been married for a year and a couple of months but have been with my wife for 10+ years. We have been having some major issues the last 16 months (I have lied to her...I have stolen...been really mean to her). I have been insensitive to her background (she was physically abused by her mother as a child) and whenever we make some progress (we were seeing a MC and things were really going great) I seem to always mess up when I get upset with her and say some real personal/hurtful things that has her lose all her trust belief in me again (we got in a knockdown drag out and she is now talking about separating) .I've been out of the house for the last few days and we are barely speaking and it's just really tense everytime we do. So a couple of things...

1.) Do you guys know any sources to find out how child abuse affects adult relationships? I have looked stuff online but I don't think I am finding the right type of stuff.

2.) Any books/tutorials/activities anyone can suggest in terms of communicating. When I try to be honest about things I guess I do it in a mean way but I have always tried to tell her exactly how I feel vs. prettying things up. I have read the 5 love languages and was going to reread the 7 Principles of Marriage and actually do things in there. We are also seeing a MC but wanted to know if you guys had any ideas?

3.) Wanted general advice/tips on when you guys get SO ANGRY about something your spouse/girlfriend has done what are things you do to curtail your anger (go for a drive/walk) to calm down and then address whatever issue you may have?

4.) Has anyone done both MC and Individual counseling concurrently? How did that experience work for you? 

5.) Has anyone ever separated for a period of time and did it work? She has said she doesn't want to get a divorce but she thinks maybe if we take 3 to 6 months off we can figure things out.

Sorry for the rambling...just at a lost right now!:scratchhead:

Thanks for taking the time to read and your assistance,


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

If you admit to knowing you have a problem, why aren't you in IC?

It would be more constructive to make yourself a better person first. 

Then you could bring something to the relationship, instead of destroying it.


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