# Satisfying sex the entire marriage?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Is there anyone here who has been married for several years and has been satisfied with their sex life as a whole their entire marriage? If so, perhaps you could share some reasons as to why you think it has been problem free. Is it as simple as just having compatible drives and desires? Perhaps there was a lull, but you worked it out and it didn't become a real problem. Perhaps it is the attitude of both partners. What has made your sex life satisfying and problem free?


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Sex will always have ups and downs. End of story.


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## PAmale (Sep 30, 2012)

Nicbrown summed it perfectly. We have months of perfect bliss then months of being out of synch. I am not much if a porn man myself but during the down spouts I will turn to other sources of stimulation until we get back on track - but in the end I am comfortable knowing what goes up will come down and visa vi (no pun intended several times in that last line)

Keep your wood up or your vibrator on- whichever it is!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Nicbrownn80 said:


> Sex will always have ups and downs. End of story.


Sure, that makes sense. I'm just wondering if anyone has not had any "major problems" where one spouse, or both, are loosing their minds for long periods of time and having a negative affect on the marriage.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I have noticed afte 17 plus years of marriage that we get along great all the time when the sex is frequent and good. When we go through our lulls, I'm more edgy and she is less patient. The banging goes a long way.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

40isthenew20 said:


> I have noticed afte 17 plus years of marriage that we get along great all the time when the sex is frequent and good. When we go through our lulls, I'm more edgy and she is less patient. The banging goes a long way.


Makes sense to me!


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## PAmale (Sep 30, 2012)

There is definitely a scientific correlation that says increasing the number of loads shot is inversely related to the number of Arguments between a couple. I know that when we are in synch and hitting it daily or more we are having a great time with no arguing and life is just good.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

PAmale said:


> There is definitely a scientific correlation that says increasing the number of loads shot is inversely related to the number of Arguments between a couple. I know that when we are in synch and hitting it daily or more we are having a great time with no arguing and life is just good.


Makes sense.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

It's the other way around for us. If we're getting along well, we have lots of sex. If there's resentment or unresolved issues, sex stops. 

Mostly we get along very well, but there are times we don't. Once it was for several months; only one time did that happen, and I'm determined it never will again. For us, if we fix the problem between us, sex comes back naturally. So no sex is a symptom, not a cause.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sex is the opium that dulls one's awareness of their partner's many flaws. Given sufficient sex, we could abide partnering with trolls or witches.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

PAmale said:


> Nicbrown summed it perfectly. We have months of perfect bliss then months of being out of synch. I am not much if a porn man myself but during the down spouts I will turn to other sources of stimulation until we get back on track - but in the end I am comfortable knowing what goes up will come down and visa vi (no pun intended several times in that last line)
> 
> Keep your wood up or your vibrator on- whichever it is!


This is us too, I think.

H pretty much leaves the sex up to me. If I want it, he's there. But he will never come find me looking for it. I have to initiate.

If I go awhile between initiating, he never says a word. He takes care of himself during the gaps. He has a very "whatever" attitude about it. 

I am not sure if its because he's too lazy/unsure of himself to initiate, or whether he has the same feelings as the above...just knowing that eventually I will come to him looking for it. The longest gaps I leave him with are about 2-3 weeks on average.

I know he has a higher drive than me. But I guess he feels like the occasional 2-3 week gap is not enough to ruffle his feathers. 

This dynamic has made sex a non-issue for us so far (eight years together). 

I do wish he would initiate, and "take me" more often, but have never pushed the issue. Honestly, there would be no 2-3 week gaps if he made an effort to let me know he is in the mood. But, I guess that's just not him, and not sure I will ever fully understand it. 

We both seem to have very laid back attitudes about it, and both continue to take care of ourselves when it seems like its just not gonna happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

southbound said:


> Is there anyone here who has been married for several years and has been satisfied with their sex life as a whole their entire marriage? If so, perhaps you could share some reasons as to why you think it has been problem free. Is it as simple as just having compatible drives and desires? Perhaps there was a lull, but you worked it out and it didn't become a real problem. Perhaps it is the attitude of both partners. What has made your sex life satisfying and problem free?


Yes, we have a great sex life. for over thirty years now. 

But problem free is an illusion, you have ups and downs because your sex life follows also the problems in other area's of life. 

You have to work on commitment, love and passion.

See the thread about passion.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lyris said:


> It's the other way around for us. If we're getting along well, we have lots of sex. If there's resentment or unresolved issues, sex stops.
> 
> Mostly we get along very well, but there are times we don't. Once it was for several months; only one time did that happen, and I'm determined it never will again. For us, if we fix the problem between us, sex comes back naturally. So no sex is a symptom, not a cause.


^^^^^^^^
This is how it is with us too.
When there are simmering , unresolved issues , the sex frequency and quality heads southwards.
When everything's ok, then sex is great.
Maybe that's why we get along so well.
We both like sex.
Sex life has generally been satisfying over the years though. No major hiccups.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

PAmale said:


> There is definitely a scientific correlation that says increasing the number of loads shot is inversely related to the number of Arguments between a couple. I know that when we are in synch and hitting it daily or more we are having a great time with no arguing and life is just good.


Can you please provide the formula for this?


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## Carpe (May 12, 2012)

southbound said:


> Is there anyone here who has been married for several years and has been satisfied with their sex life as a whole their entire marriage? If so, perhaps you could share some reasons as to why you think it has been problem free. Is it as simple as just having compatible drives and desires? Perhaps there was a lull, but you worked it out and it didn't become a real problem. Perhaps it is the attitude of both partners. What has made your sex life satisfying and problem free?


I think there are really two distinct questions here: (1) satisfaction with sex when you have it, and (2) satisfaction with how often you get it. 

I have been with my wife for over 30 years. I am very satisfied with the sex when we have it, but would sure like to have more of it. Or to put it in the terms used by the OP, we have compatible desires, but not such compatible drives.

For the last 30+ years I've gotten to have great sex once a week with a woman I'm in love with and who really turns me on. Am I satisfied? No. I want more. But would I trade places with anyone else? No.

So what has made my sex life satisfying (if not problem-free)? Umm... well, there's the fact that I find my wife very attractive. I think I'm just lucky that I seem to be innately more sexually attracted to older women, so my wife seems to keep getting sexier as she gets older. And there's the fact that our relationship has been pretty stable. One key to a long-term relationship is, I believe, not trying to change the other person. That one took me a while to learn, but I think I've pretty well got it now.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Yes, we have a great sex life. for over thirty years now.
> 
> But problem free is an illusion, you have ups and downs because your sex life follows also the problems in other area's of life.
> 
> ...





Carpe said:


> I think there are really two distinct questions here: (1) satisfaction with sex when you have it, and (2) satisfaction with how often you get it.
> 
> I have been with my wife for over 30 years. I am very satisfied with the sex when we have it, but would sure like to have more of it. Or to put it in the terms used by the OP, we have compatible desires, but not such compatible drives.
> 
> For the last 30+ years I've gotten to have great sex once a week with a woman I'm in love with and who really turns me on. Am I satisfied? No. I want more. But would I trade places with anyone else? No..


This is acceptable to me as satisfying. When you call it "great" and say you wouldn't trade places with anyone else, this is far above what many have. I assumed nobody had a sex life that was 100% problem free at times, but with all the ongoing sexual issues we read abut her, I wondered if there were those who, overall, would give their sex life a thumbs up and how they have managed it. I just wondered how some keep issues from becoming "huge" problems like in some marriages. Thanks for the responses.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

My wife and I had a fabulous sex life for the first 30 years. I have stated elsewhere that we averaged once a day during the first 15 years. 

Of those 15 years, I spent 3 out of work due to a motorcycle accident, and 7 working second shift, which left mornings after the kids went to school free for lots of sex.

In the 15 years after that it slowly dwindled to 2-3 times a week. From then till now (46 years)it has dropped to 2-3 times a month. That is largly due to the long illness and eventual passing on of 2 of her sisters over a period of 3 years. One died just last August. 

We are currently in a slump, but I think it will improve with time. I will be 66 in November, and she just turned 68.

See my post "old burn out"


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