# Why do I want to call her?



## SRN

You can read my whole story here, but to sum it up about two months ago my wife came to me and said she wanted a divorce, I got her to agree to a separation, then a few weeks ago I found out she's been having an affair and we signed all the paperwork for the divorce last week.

The past few days I've been been seriously struggling with the strong desire to contact her. Call her up and say something like, "No! This isn't over. We're going to sit down and talk this through!" Stupid, I know. She probably wouldn't even answer the phone. But I just have such a longing for her. I want her back so bad.

Anyone else been through this?


----------



## bandit.45

Yep. But I don't because you cannot reason with a cheater. That's why they are cheaters.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yep, totally normal.

Just realize--it will do no good. Accept the fact that you are divorced and try to move on as best you can. Busy yourself with work, hobbies, friends. Try something new (hobby, food, etc).

If you awnt, you could writ eher a letter expressing how ou feel as therapy--and never send it.l

Sorry to hear this happened to you but I can assure you, you are much better off being alone than with someone who could throw your marriage away so easily and file for divorce w/o even trying.

You'll come out better on the other side.


----------



## SRN

Jellybeans said:


> Yep, totally normal.
> 
> Just realize--it will do no good. Accept the fact that you are divorced and try to move on as best you can. Busy yourself with work, hobbies, friends. Try something new (hobby, food, etc).
> 
> If you awnt, you could writ eher a letter expressing how ou feel as therapy--and never send it.l
> 
> Sorry to hear this happened to you but I can assure you, you are much better off being alone than with someone who could throw your marriage away so easily and file for divorce w/o even trying.
> 
> You'll come out better on the other side.


I certainly hope that you are right. This is almost worse than when she initially told me that she wanted a divorce. So very obnoxious.

Since she left me, I've actually written nearly 100 pages worth of letters that I haven't sent. I've had to stop because I need to focus that energy on other things.


----------



## bandit.45

SRN said:


> I certainly hope that you are right. This is almost worse than when she initially told me that she wanted a divorce. So very obnoxious.
> 
> Since she left me, I've actually written nearly 100 pages worth of letters that I haven't sent. I've had to stop because I need to focus that energy on other things.


Next time you get the urge to call her, take the phone and slam into your groin as hard as you can.

Do that a few times and you'll stop wanting to call her.


----------



## cherokee96red

SRN said:


> You can read my whole story here, but to sum it up about two months ago my wife came to me and said she wanted a divorce, I got her to agree to a separation, then a few weeks ago I found out she's been having an affair and we signed all the paperwork for the divorce last week.
> 
> The past few days I've been been seriously struggling with the strong desire to contact her. Call her up and say something like, "No! This isn't over. We're going to sit down and talk this through!" Stupid, I know. She probably wouldn't even answer the phone. But I just have such a longing for her. I want her back so bad.
> 
> Anyone else been through this?


Oh yeah! At first, I wanted to call every minute, then it slowly went to hourly, then daily, progressed to weekly. Working on a monthly basis, if I can get this "want" down to a once monthly occurence then it shouldn't be much longer til it gets almost extinct.

Whenever I think I want or need to contact STBXH I promptly begin telling myself every objection I can think for not contacting him and it soon passes.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Yes, maintain your dignity. 
EXPECT to go thru turbulent, gut wrenching periods of mourning, severe anger and resentment, it will all come and it will be fking difficult, but expecting it and knowing it for what it is, helps.
As hard as it is to see this "is" a door opening. I was with my wife for sixteen years when she surprised me with the news. I have a ten year old too. Six months after divorcing, and four months moved out into my own place, and mannnn.... you cant imagine the BURDEN lifted off my back not having to concern myself with the ex. It takes constant effort still, and I have to see her much too often for my preference, but this all came down like a brick wall, and there was nothing I could do, no chance of reconciliation, and she has another dude moved into the old house. Even after the divorce, affronts continued, and it dug deeper. 
In parallel to the inability to eat, sleep, or focus, try to find some time to plan for yourself. Look at ads for furniture, electronics, things you'd like to have in your new pad. Try to plan for your next steps of necessity.


----------



## CLucas976

I am paranoid by nature. If I go too long without talking to someone of significance to me, I start to have dreams where they've died, are suffering, aren't well, and insane needs to call them and make sure they're still taking care of themselves.

being married amplified that by 10,000 after I left. It is normal, and it is incredibly hard NOT to give in (I've given in a few times just to calm down my worry/intuition) But it never turns out to be worth it. just more pain to go through.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Next time you get the urge to call her, take the phone and slam into your groin as hard as you can.
> 
> .


:rofl:

That is good you are writing letters, OP--but also good that you want to channel your energy into other things.

Hmm...is there something you've wanted to try for a long time that you never have?

Do that!


----------



## SRN

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> That is good you are writing letters, OP--but also good that you want to channel your energy into other things.


Yeah. The letters got a little out of control, but I'm a writer. Some of my friends have recommended that I look into getting them published. We'll see.



> Hmm...is there something you've wanted to try for a long time that you never have?
> 
> Do that!


Interesting thing is that there really isn't. My marriage was pretty healthy in that we both got to do what we wanted. Of course at the end my wife claimed that all my interests dominated hers, but I know thats a lie. She got to do whatever suited her fancy as much as I did.
I've thought about new hobbies, but my exsisting ones already take up so much time! I am moving into a new place soon, so I've got to prep for that and start planning how I'm going to decorate, arrage, ect. ect. Should be a good distraction for awhile. And it's got a pool!


----------



## Jellybeans

Do you have a Bucket List? Start crossing things off.

And surely there were things you did NOT do in your marriage that you always wanted to--places you wanted to visit, foods you wanted to try, etc.

It's good that you are moving. You'll have a whole new leash on life!


----------



## unbelievable

I'm familiar with this phenomenon. It's called "addiction". That's why I crave cigarettes. For some, it's alcohol, others, it's crack. For you, it's a cheating spouse. Even though we know each of these things will kill us, yet we find ourselves wanting them.


----------



## SRN

Jellybeans said:


> Do you have a Bucket List? Start crossing things off.
> 
> And surely there were things you did NOT do in your marriage that you always wanted to--places you wanted to visit, foods you wanted to try, etc.


Well yeah, sure. There are those things. Countries I'd like to go to, places we never got around to going, ect. I haven't spent a whole ton of time thinking about that of late. I guess I should start.



> It's good that you are moving. You'll have a whole new leash on life!


I hope you mean "lease" not "leash"! 



unbelievable said:


> I'm familiar with this phenomenon. It's called "addiction". That's why I crave cigarettes. For some, it's alcohol, others, it's crack. For you, it's a cheating spouse. Even though we know each of these things will kill us, yet we find ourselves wanting them.


Never really though of it in those terms. But I guess thats a fair description. I'm addicted to my wife. Never thought that would be a bad thing.


----------



## SRN

Still have that feeling that maybe, just maybe if I called her we'd be able to talk. Stupid. Absolutely stupid, I know. I just want to hear the sound of her voice. Her unique laugh. But I know I wouldn't get any of that. I'd get the cold hearted b!tch and no laughing.
Last night around 11pm I was putting change out of my pocket away. Silver into its jar and the pennies into a piggy bank. The piggy bank was my wifes, she forgot to take it. I looked at it for a moment, flipped it over and saw that her name was written on the bottom. I stared at it for a moment in sadness, anger, sorrow. I don't know.
I grabbed my coat and the piggy bank and walked out the door. I walked the five blocks to the nearest park and then took the piggy bank, cursed my wifes name and all that she's done to me and hucked it against the cement drainage ducts for the creek.
I had hoped it would make me feel better. Be cathartic or something. It didn't really. Shame.


----------



## 52flower

I am glad you resisted the urge to call her. I was in the same situation many times. After the urge wanes, you feel strong that you didn't weaken in the moment. There are a lot of people on this forum who will help you find that strength. Good luck SRN!


----------



## ing

Just piping in that it is normal! 

Don't do it. It just prolongs the agony.


----------



## SRN

I don't know if I'm proud or sad, but today I fought a really strong urge to go to her office. Basically, she works for a department at the university here in town and I work for the states office of education. I had to be up on campus this morning really close to her building. I found myself on several occasions drifting in that direction. Each time I stopped myself. I had this vision of marching into her office and saying something like, "I love you! I always did and always will. I'm not done with this, our story isn't over!"
But what would it accomplish, I kept asking myself. Sure, I'd get to see her beautiful face, but it wouldn't be smiling. And I'd get to hear her voice, but it wouldn't be jovial. And I'd probably be inviting a restraining order.
Damnit, when does this end?


----------



## proudwidaddy

SRN,
I hate the movies like "Jerry Maguire" where they walk in saying some cheesy line and it makes it all better. It fills people with thoughts of a false reality. I've had that before where I thought if I made some declaration of love it would make everything better.

Unfortunately it just makes us feel weak to ourselves, and back slide. I've heard and often read that once a woman gets to this point where they make up their mind, they are usually done and checked out. Sad but true.

Just have to move forward, you can do it!


----------



## bandit.45

SRN said:


> I don't know if I'm proud or sad, but today I fought a really strong urge to go to her office. Basically, she works for a department at the university here in town and I work for the states office of education. I had to be up on campus this morning really close to her building. I found myself on several occasions drifting in that direction. Each time I stopped myself. I had this vision of marching into her office and saying something like, "I love you! I always did and always will. I'm not done with this, our story isn't over!"
> But what would it accomplish, I kept asking myself. Sure, I'd get to see her beautiful face, but it wouldn't be smiling. And I'd get to hear her voice, but it wouldn't be jovial. And I'd probably be inviting a restraining order.
> Damnit, when does this end?


It ends when you let go and realize that nothing you can do will change her mind.

Your problem is SRN, you are a control freak. You think you have the power to fix this. That is ego blinding you to the reality of the situation.

Go dark, stay on a hard 180 and do not contact her. If she starts wondering about you, why you have no called or msgd her, then she might come sniffing around. Or she might not. You cannot control her or "make" her love you. Why can you not see that?


----------



## SRN

bandit.45 said:


> It ends when you let go and realize that nothing you can do will change her mind.
> 
> Your problem is SRN, you are a control freak. You think you have the power to fix this. That is ego blinding you to the reality of the situation.


Soooo.... I'm male? 
Yes, I have the thoughts that I can control the situation, make it better. I do hate the feeling that I'm not in control of this part of my life and I want to regain control. Unfortunately, you are right, I have no way to change her mind. And she has her mind made up. Sucks.



> Go dark, stay on a hard 180 and do not contact her. If she starts wondering about you, why you have no called or msgd her, then she might come sniffing around. Or she might not. You cannot control her or "make" her love you. Why can you not see that?


What is the term, "Love makes men do crazy things."?
I haven't seen, called, texted, e-mailed or written her a letter for nearly two weeks. The longest I've been out of contact with her in any form for eight years. Its not so much the 180 as it is just giving up. She gave up, pushed me to the point that I had to give up so now its over. Its just the lingering feelings. The memory of her calling to me. Thats all.


----------



## bandit.45

SRN said:


> Soooo.... I'm male?
> What is the term, "Love makes men do crazy things."?
> I haven't seen, called, texted, e-mailed or written her a letter for nearly two weeks. The longest I've been out of contact with her in any form for eight years. Its not so much the 180 as it is just giving up. She gave up, pushed me to the point that I had to give up so now its over. Its just the lingering feelings. The memory of her calling to me. Thats all.


But you're not giving up. You are moving on with your life without her. And for the record, two weeks is nothing. It may be months before she takes notice, or she may not take notice at all.

Remember, the 180 is not about manipulating her, or even saving the marriage. The 180 is to change YOU, and help you make the fundemental changes you need to make to move on with your life, free of her influence.


----------



## SRN

proudwidaddy said:


> SRN,
> I hate the movies like "Jerry Maguire" where they walk in saying some cheesy line and it makes it all better. It fills people with thoughts of a false reality. I've had that before where I thought if I made some declaration of love it would make everything better.


Yeah, _When Harry Met Sally_ is better. Harry is very relatable. All the scenes where he is coping with his divorce, classic. So believable.
Just wish there was a Sally in my life right now.



> Unfortunately it just makes us feel weak to ourselves, and back slide. I've heard and often read that once a woman gets to this point where they make up their mind, they are usually done and checked out. Sad but true.


Oh yes, she is checked out completely. And checked into another mans life. Thats the worst part. And yes, it makes "us" look/feel weak. I tend to think that I would feel pretty good actually going in and making some Cyrano de Bergeracesq speech, but I know that in her eyes it would just make me look pathetic and clingy. So I have to push the romantic out, and make room for the realist. Terribly hard because it was the romantic that won her over in the first place.



> Just have to move forward, you can do it!


Thanks! You can too. Its sad that there are so many of us, but at least we're in it together.


----------



## bandit.45

SRN said:


> Yeah, _When Harry Met Sally_
> Oh yes, she is checked out completely. And checked into another mans life. Thats the worst part. And yes, it makes "us" look/feel weak. I tend to think that I would feel pretty good actually going in and making some Cyrano de Bergeracesq speech, but I know that in her eyes it would just make me look pathetic and clingy. *So I have to push the romantic out, and make room for the realist.* Terribly hard because it was the romantic that won her over in the first place.
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks! You can too. Its sad that there are so many of us, but at least we're in it together.


What is so romantic about a cheating, lying woman?


----------



## SRN

bandit.45 said:


> But you're not giving up. You are moving on with your life without her. And for the record, two weeks is nothing. It may be months before she takes notice, or she may not take notice at all.
> 
> Remember, the 180 is not about manipulating her, or even saving the marriage. The 180 is to change YOU, and help you make the fundemental changes you need to make to move on with your life, free of her influence.


Giving up on the marriage. On the relationship. However you want to put it. And two weeks is nothing. i was simply relaying that I'm doing what I can. I have a feeling that she will cut me out completely and never contact me again. There are a couple friends that she had back in the day that she did that with. None of them as close as we were, of course, but its in her capacity to just shut people out.

I've read the 180 stuff, and I'm following it in my way. I'm focusing on myself, trying to busy myself and avoiding her as best I can. Its just the memories and the missing her that is hard. But I'll get there. Day by day.


----------



## SRN

bandit.45 said:


> What is so romantic about a cheating, lying woman?


She's f'ing hot! 
I kid. No, I'm aware that the person that she's become is no longer desirable. She was my one and only, and me hers. So now that that is no longer the case, I know in my head that I could never get past that. That she's now, for all intinsive purposes, a ****. Harsh, but true.
As I've stated, its the memories. Thats what I'm in love with. Thats whats romantic. The woman that she once was. Not the woman that she is now.


----------



## bandit.45

See my PM to you.


----------



## Deejo

It can be extraordinarily difficult to reconcile that while you feel that your life has been utterly blown apart, that your ex does not share those emotions.

You want to reach out. You want to hope. You want to believe that the person that you loved for years couldn't POSSIBLY throw everything away so easily.

But that is exactly what happens. 

I've said this more than a few times in more than a few ways:

Do not fight for someone that has no desire to fight for you.

Grieve what you lost, but recognize what you no longer have ... a committed partner that values you.


----------



## allisterfiend

Call her about 2 am and tell her your just trying to get the nerve up to tell her that you just wanted to say it might be a good idea to go to the doctor and have herself checked and then hang up. 

Do *NOT* answer her phone calls after. 

Its stupid I know but it sure feels good.


----------



## SRN

Another sleepless night lying there thinking about calling her. 
I had a long conversation with a buddy last night who went through a similar divorce about five years ago. We talked about this, about how its the familiarity that I'm longing for. The companionship that I miss. He echoed what most of you on here have said, that this desire will stop when I realize that there is nothing I can do about the situation. When I try to give up control. Easier said than done, right.
When I was staying out of contact with her during our brief separation before we signed, I could tell myself, "It's ok. You can make it another week because you're planning on calling her on X date." Now... nope. There is no day in the future that you're going to call her. This isn't just giving her space, this is over. Makes it much harder I feel.


----------



## proudwidaddy

SRN,
They say divorce is worth than death because with death their is a finalty, it's over. Also I would say to with Death you don't have to deal with the feelings of rejection, it just happens because it happens. 

However, it has happened. My heart breaks for you. What I've learned is that their are two choices, you can move forward, deal with the pain day by day, find happiness from within first, then with others.

Or the second option is to just give up and die.

I don't think you want to do that, so let's both work together on the first option.

Private message me more if you want to talk, I will always have an open ear.


----------



## Jayb

But, the pain is there everyday. Everyday passes and then what? When does the pain go away? When does the crying stop? When do we come out stronger?

Right now, I have so much on my heart and mind. My wife, my children, my job, my finances. It's almost too much. How am I to be happy with all of this?


----------



## SRN

Jayb said:


> But, the pain is there everyday. Everyday passes and then what? When does the pain go away? When does the crying stop? When do we come out stronger?
> 
> Right now, I have so much on my heart and mind. My wife, my children, my job, my finances. It's almost too much. How am I to be happy with all of this?


I feel like I'm in a cloud. I can see outside a bit, I know that its sunny and I know what that feels like, but every time that I try to get out, the cloud envelops me again.
I just sat and typed out a text message to my ex, saying all sorts of stuff about how I still loved her, how I wanted to work things out, how I think I could get over her having slept with the scumbag. Thats about where I stopped. I looked at what I was typing and thought, "No... You know you can't get past that. You know that no matter what happened, even if she enthusiastically tried to reconcile, that would always be the 800 pound gorilla in the room."
So I didn't send the message. I just wish that these absolutly _stupid_ impulses would stop.


----------



## bandit.45

SRN said:


> Giving up on the marriage. On the relationship. However you want to put it. And two weeks is nothing. i was simply relaying that I'm doing what I can. I have a feeling that she will cut me out completely and never contact me again. *There are a couple friends that she had back in the day that she did that with. None of them as close as we were, of course, but its in her capacity to just shut people out*.
> 
> I've read the 180 stuff, and I'm following it in my way. I'm focusing on myself, trying to busy myself and avoiding her as best I can. Its just the memories and the missing her that is hard. But I'll get there. Day by day.


Okay, then tell me this... why would you want to be married to, or put on a pedestal, a cold, vindictive person who justs casts off friends and husbands at will? I couldn't do that. Could you?


----------



## SRN

bandit.45 said:


> Okay, then tell me this... whay would you want to be married to, or put on a pedestal, a cold, vindictive person who justs casts off friends and husbands at will? I couldn't do that. Could you?


Well to be quite honest, I've done that to people too. People that just crossed me one too many times. And I somewhat encouraged her to cast those friends off as they were not good friends. They never reciprocated her friendship with her, so why keep them around. Maybe I created a demon by doing that. Because she felt I wasn't reciprocating in our relationship, so she cast me off.


----------



## allisterfiend

You give her all the power when you let her make you feel like a piece of useless crap
You gotta give yourself more credit than that. YOU are the good person. YOU did not turn your back on anyone. YOU know how to treat others with respect.
NO ONE or NO THING cares about you like you do.
I know people who say god will give people what they deserve. In my world, I am god.
Do yourself a HUGE favor and loose this b***h. Everyone is replaceable and 99 times out of 100 the replacement is a million times better than the last.


----------



## proudwidaddy

SRN,
I agree with All, I started getting better once I realized I was giving her the power to make me feel like crap, once I decided to take that power back, her actions don't have as much (if any) effect on me anymore.


----------



## SRN

proudwidaddy said:


> SRN,
> I agree with All, I started getting better once I realized I was giving her the power to make me feel like crap, once I decided to take that power back, her actions don't have as much (if any) effect on me anymore.


You see her, though, right? You have an idea of what she's doing. I don't get to see her. It drives me mad wondering what she's doing. I know that sound pathetic. I know I shouldn't care because she doesn't care about me and my life any more. GAHHH...

Yes, I've given her the power. Yes, I need to gain it back. But god damn, I just keep coming back to missing her! Every time I get to a place where I think that I'm feeling better. That I find myself laughing at jokes or out with friends I then come back to, "Oh... she liked this, or that. I wish she were here." Easter dinner, of all times, I was just in anguish! We didn't even _LIKE_ going to each other parents for family functions, but I found myself sitting there picking at my ham going, "I wish she was here..."

I don't know guys... I don't know. She is a b!tch who has essentially nuked my life back to the stone age. She did cheat on me. She did lie to me. I know I couldn't possibly love a person like this. But I did. I loved her so completely. She was my sky, my moon and my sun. She meant the world to me, all the way up to the point she said, "I don't love you any more."

God this hurts. Its been two f*cking months, and I'm still in what I feel like is shock. I keep thinking that I'll wake up from this nightmare. That she'll be there when I get home from work. But she's not. Its just a half empty house with packing boxes stacked in each room.


----------



## proudwidaddy

SRN,
Trust me I would not rather see her, I love my kids but having to see her all the time made getting to the point where I am now so hard. Being reminded of what she is doing was painful. I got to the point where I blocked her on facebook, I couldn't stand to see what she was doing, how her life was so "wonderful". 

I know you don't see it now, you already have woken up from the "nightmare" you just don't know it yet. The nightmare was what she did to you.


----------



## SRN

proudwidaddy said:


> I know you don't see it now, you already have woken up from the "nightmare" you just don't know it yet. The nightmare was what she did to you.


I hope so, man. I really do. I woke up this morning and started in on the work out routine I've been doing for awhile now and as I started with the situps, I just found myself laying there staring at the ceiling contemplating what I could say if I walked into her office that morning. Some direct, "I love you, this isn't how our story is going to end. Blah, blah, blah." Ended up having a bit of a breakdown. _Knowing_ that she wouldn't reciprocate. _Knowing_ that I could never get past the fact that she's been with another man. _Knowing_ that it would just end up hurting me more. But still having those thoughts. Still contemplating those things. I just wish I could turn this off. It's just so draining.


----------



## SRN

So today has been a better day. Late last night I recorded a message to myself on my phone reminding myself of all the reasons why I shouldn't want her back. The lying, the horrible way that she treated me, and ultimately the cheating.
Listened to the message this morning while I was getting ready. Then again when I started to pine a bit ago. Helps a little. Hopefully this is a turning point.


----------



## SRN

So today was the first day (thus far) that I really haven't felt a strong desire to contact her. Was still kinda down this morning, but I wasn't feeling the pull to stop by her office or dial her number.


----------



## unsure78

Good for you SRN, im glad its getting better for you- unfortunately for me my desire to contact him has been coming back with a vengeance this last week since he contacted me with his "little" proposal - maybe its just cause he actually wants me- but im going to try to stay strong and not give in


----------



## SRN

Yeah. Just steer clear. Stay strong and don't respond to anything unless you _have_ too because of kids, divorce papers, finances, ect.
I literally have been avoiding a part of the city I live in to avoid the possibility of running into her. Silly, but it could happen. It _did_ happen twice randomly already afterall. But I'm slowly chipping away at the perimeter. I would love to run into her while I'm out with the group of friends I've been running with recently. We're all divorcee's and we've been generally having a blast, so I think she'd be a little surprised.


----------



## Deejo

Try journaling.

Write about her. Every day.

Write about how you feel, what you remember, what you miss.

You already have these feelings. Do something with them rather than just letting them chew you up.

Write them down.

Every. Single. Day.

And eventually ... the day will come that you simply no longer have anything to say.


----------



## SRN

Deejo said:


> Try journaling.
> 
> Write about her. Every day.
> 
> Write about how you feel, what you remember, what you miss.
> 
> You already have these feelings. Do something with them rather than just letting them chew you up.
> 
> Write them down.
> 
> Every. Single. Day.
> 
> And eventually ... the day will come that you simply no longer have anything to say.


Yeah, done with that. I have almost 100 pages of letters that I wrote to her but never sent. I'm sure I'll write a few more things, but that energy has been diverted elsewhere.


----------



## SRN

Yesterday sorta fell apart in the evening. I got home from my IC and started to pack up the kitchen and throw more stuff out. When she left, she took everything she wanted and left me generally with a mess to clean up of all the crap we'd accumulated. Anyway, I was out back throwing stuff away and for some reason I decided to go sit on the lawn in the backyard. Just kinda sat there, thinking about all the good times, the BBQ's, the gardening, ect. While I was sitting there, the one neighbor I haven't talked to since this all happened came into her backyard. I got up and she asked me when "we" were planning on starting to plant the garden. I said that that wasn't going to be happening this year, that I was moving. She smiled and said she was sad to see me and my ex-wife go, that we'd been great neighbors. Thats when I told her what had happened. I couldn't hold it together, I excused myself and walked back to the side door, sat on the stoop and just started crying.
I know its a cycle. Thats the nature of grief. Ups and downs. I just wish the downs weren't so low.


----------



## unsure78

Oh SRN I feel for you, last night must have just been a bad night cause I cried for the first time in like a month last night- i was all alone last night cause my son was with stbxh and I was just missing being a family. It hurt. Im sorry- but today is a new day, try to get out and laugh that has helped me this morning.


----------



## SRN

unsure78 said:


> Oh SRN I feel for you, last night must have just been a bad night cause I cried for the first time in like a month last night- i was all alone last night cause my son was with stbxh and I was just missing being a family. It hurt. Im sorry- but today is a new day, try to get out and laugh that has helped me this morning.


Sorry to hear that it was bad for you too. We'll all get through this, eventually. The alternative isn't to pleasant.


----------



## Jayb

unsure78 said:


> Oh SRN I feel for you, last night must have just been a bad night cause I cried for the first time in like a month last night- i was all alone last night cause my son was with stbxh and I was just missing being a family. It hurt. Im sorry-* but today is a new day*, try to get out and laugh that has helped me this morning.


If you don't mind me asking, how do you get up in the mornings? I've been having trouble lately, getting past the upset to get ready.


----------



## SRN

Jayb said:


> If you don't mind me asking, how do you get up in the mornings? I've been having trouble lately, getting past the upset to get ready.


I guess you have to ask yourself, "Why am I upset?" and begin addressing that. I tend to wake up depressed, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Each morning say to myself, "Why am I depressed? Remember what she did. You're better off without her now."


----------



## unsure78

Jayb its still hard sometimes- I didnt want to get out of bed this morning but I guess I just have too- I try to think of the people that are depending on me, my child, my co-workers, even my animals. Sometimes just getting into the shower to get ready helps make me feel better. I have also been trying to distract myself more lately and think about the future not the past. But its still really hard sometimes, I cried for an hour last night, but that's ok too. You cant move past something if you don't grieve first.


----------



## SRN

unsure78 said:


> You cant move past something if you don't grieve first.


This is the truth, and I'm finding it out. After you cry for a bit, often times you feel better after.


----------



## Dollystanford

I cried non stop for two weeks..and haven't cried since
realised that I was on my own and had to pull myself together, get on with my job and concentrate on me and D


----------

