# i'm confused about what i should do...Help :(



## LostConfused (Jan 7, 2011)

my situation might be a bit different,

but right from the beginning this marriage/relationship was a volatile one. we met on the internet(don't ever do that when it comes to a life partner pleeeeeeeeeease) so i had no idea about his family history or any background on him. I was on the rebound from another relationship.

when we first met in person, there was an issue that caused some problems between us, it was in regard to his family history and at that time i was thinking about how that would affect my future children and whether they would have it too. He and his family took it very personally and have held a grudge against me and my family ever since. 

i stayed in the marriage even if it was a very volatile one. he was a bit of a bully. It was always his way or no way and he would stick to what he wanted and never compromised. 
I got warn out by the physical/verbal fights that were there since the beginning but even if he's in his 30s now, he still is very aggressive and has hit me even if I stay away from all that now. He constantly says the most horrible things about my me, my family and anybody close to me even if they are really nice to him. it hurts me deeply when he's verbally abusive and puts me down. i love my parents and brothers and they have made the effort to get close to my husband.

i do have my flaws, i'm not the most organized and the house isn't spotless but i'm working on all my flaws. i've done so many things to improve myself to make this marriage work. it just seems like i'm the only one working on this marriage and he seems clueless to all the things he's done wrong or even some of the psychotic things he's done.

plus even on our honeymoon he didn't want to do anything fun or do what most couples do during that time. no sex and ever since then it's been like that. he's only interested in oral sex and that's it, he never liked intercourse ever. even when i wanted a child, it was like i had to beg for the sex so i could have a little baby. Ok i can see it as maybe he just wasn't attracted to me but why would he want oral sex if that was the case. and after all the horrible things he done and said in the past few years, my attraction towards him has faded

now i just feel numb to anything regarding him. we live in separate rooms for the past 2 yrs, i'm tired of this volatile marriage that he seems to love being in. i would give anything for a "boring" "normal" "good" relationship. i'm even at the point of if my husband was more respectful, loving, caring towards me and the people that are close to me, i would've even looked over an affair he might have had just to stay in the marriage.

the one thing that scares me about the big D word is being alone for the rest of my life. it's more like "i never had intercourse during marriage, forget ever having sex after divorce." i'm so confused and scared about what i should do. i was never a person that supported divorce, always felt that anything in a relationship can be worked out. but it takes two :bummer:

(excuse all the grammatical mistakes and typos, i typed all this without proofreading it) thank you in advance for any input/advice and for reading my long post


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## BrokenQueen (Jan 10, 2011)

Sounds like the two of you are already separated in almost every way. With the abuse (not speaking of any physical violence in this point) it is logical to be ready for a divorce. Personally I don't want to be a failure or a quieter so coming to the conclusion that it's time for a divorce is hard.


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## LostConfused (Jan 7, 2011)

thank you so much for the replies and reading my post. i think i've even accepted the thought that i would never marry again or will be alone from now on. 

like brokenqueen said the steps that need to be taken to make it final are what are the hardest for me. I'm hoping after living separately for so long that he would take the step first. I've gotten a job so i have the means to be self sufficient and take care of myself.

if you are also divorced or are thinking of it, what steps need to be taken?


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