# Too Cheap, Too Stupid or Too Controlling



## gwenie (Jul 11, 2009)

Been married for 22 years. Have a 21 year old son. 9 years ago had a 2 year separation with divorce in the works- due to my unhappiness with the way he bugeted and controlled the money. During the separation my Mom passed away and I was fortunate to inheirt a house along with all the contents. During the court appearrances for the divorce he decided that I was serious about leaving him and we had several "sit down and talk this over" sessions.

He agreed to let me handle the finances for two years, and I agreed if that happened I would transfer the title of the house to both our names. He is very bad at handling money- has derogatory credit, many times in the past our utilities had been shut off. 

I bought two newer, reliable cars, one for each of us. So I cancelled the divorce and let him move in- turned out he was been evicted from our old rental anyway. A month later he got fired from his job of 1 year. 

After 6 months he found a "cash" job, but after the first check he said he had taken advances, and didnt have enough money left to give to me for the bills. He totaled the truck in an accident and I found out he had not paid the insurance- so it was a total loss. We lived in the country, and I didnt want to be without a car- so I began driving him to work and for interviews. He got a good job, 36K a year, but then he wanted to buy another car for himself. OK. He bought another truck a real lemon- low gas milage- 10 mpg and had a distance of 52 miles to get to work. He said it was stupid to take his truck- so he took my car. Problem is he wouldnt let me use his truck at all.

He started saying how it was more convienant for him to pick up food and stuff on the way home from work. Then it went to it was easier for him to pay the electric bill at the bank near work. When the taxes came due he said he didnt have any money for them. I took a job, where I drove him to work, then went to work myself (part-time) then picked him back up . He truck sat here. I got in a fender bender and we had no car insurance as I had just started my job. My license got supended till I pay the $400.00 damage. He has refused to pay the $400.00 to get my license back. He claims it is cheaper to just have him go to work. I sold some things on ebay to get the money. When he found out I did that- he would refuse to bring food home for our son and I, saying I needed to contribute. Ended up using the money for the shut off electric.

Another year passed and again the taxes were unpaid. I felt he had not upheld his part of our "bargain." He continued to take my car to work. He would give me $100.00 almost every 2 weeks for food, utilities, clothing and all other things. My lawn tractor broke down, so he bought his own- but I am not allowed to use it- neither does he. He then got in an accident with my car and totaled that. Started driving his truck then. Problem is he spends so much on repairs and gas there is supposely $40-$50.00 left a week for everything. (Food, clothes, medical, insurance, ect.) The taxes got bought up and found a broker who would pay the taxes and put the house for sale. The deal was we would pay the interest on the loan, show the house and have the option of buying the house back from the broker at any time. 

He is trying to sue the broker for possesion of the house. (unsuccessfully- as I quit-claimed the house to my boy) He has not paid insurance or taxes on it in 4 years. My son has done that. 

I have pursued a divorce again- to put it bluntly- he has given me $15.00 cash in the last year total. He brings home a pittance of hamburger meat and hot dogs for my food- he eats out. He has recently for the first time gotten medical insurance for me- but states that my getting there and the co-payments are my problem. The house is going up for auction in less than 60 days. There has been no interest paid on the loan, no property maintainance. The refrigerator has broken, the grass is 4 foot tall, and he has 15 cats, un-neutered in a bedroom with one litterbox.

He recently stated that I am an ungrateful B****, and he has been paying the electric bill here (mostly) for 9 years. *He said he thought marriage was for life and we wouldnt be in this situation if I would get off my Fat lazy A** and walk the 5 miles to town everyday where I could get paid public transporation to a company that offers employment and a carpool. * I saw his tax return- he is still making over 36K a year. He has no credit cards, there is no water bill as we have a well. There is no garbage bill as I burn the garabge. There is no sewer bill as we have a septic tank. We do not have cable t.v. or anything- just the dial-up internet. My boy had to buy me my glasses- first time I got new ones in 8 years. He said I didnt need them at home since I dont drive.

His '87 truck is in the shop again- every 6 weeks it goes in the shop. There is a bearing out on the motor and it ruins the torque converter, starter and other parts. He pays a friend $50.00 a day to drive him up and back to work every time this happens. He continues to fix the same problem over and over and over- says its none of my business what he does with his money. The repairs are always in excess of $700.00. The electric and phone bill are in my sons name- My husband does pay them most of the time. They are not in his name because in the past, when they were- he would decide when I could watch the tv, turn a light on or use the phone.

I am interested in any comments you may have on this situation- especially from the male members.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Honey, get out of that mess, he is controlling you. You dont deserve to be treated that way, he used you for a place to stay. I would have went on with the divorce the first time, sounds like he found out about your inheritance and decided to suck up to you, and seems his sucking up paid off... go through with the divorce this time, he is mentally abusing you, it probably wouldnt hurt if you talked to counsoler and relieved some of the stress off of you. No one deserves to be controlled. I hope the best works out for you. We're all here for you.


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## gwenie (Jul 11, 2009)

You know, I keep kicking myself in the A**, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I guess I'm looking for validation that all of the problems weren't My fault. He keeps saying that if I had put the house in his name we wouldn't have had these problems. My broker says that he could have avoided all this mess if he had just paid the taxes to begin with. He/we were paying $1300 a month on a rental house for 6 years when I separated from him. This house was paid off when I got it- all he had to do was sit down with me every week and talk over budgeting the money. He is very concerned about his retirement. He is 60 and I am 48. He has stopped talking to our son, who moved out last year, by the way, since his dad was always borrowing money from him. He said he doesnt know how we could do this to him after all hes done. 

We are having trouble getting him to move out- as he says he has no car and no place to go, can't buy moving boxes, no place to put his cats and his horse. As I am packing and sorting my stuff, and painting and cleaning, he sits on the couch and says he's not going anywhere.

Does anyone have any idea if I could get some spousal support for a little while to get started again?


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