# Trying To Figure Things Out



## Trying_To_Understand (Feb 20, 2012)

I am trying to get some objective opinions on my current situation. First of all I am 25 (my wife is 26) and we have been married for just over 5 years. She just told me though on Valentine's day that she wanted a divorce. She told me the whole thing where ILYBIANILWY or whatever it is. Now both of us were military and we had deployed together to Iraq but since then I have had a lot of issues dealing with stress and depression. She told me that not too long after that deployment she started to feel like this but wanted to stick it out in order to see if it was just a low point in our relationship. 

She has already admitted to having an EA and I am pretty sure that physically she has only hugged and kissed him but I of course can't be sure. Due to state laws though we have to be separated for at least 1 year before we can file for divorce. I tried talking her out of separating and instead trying to work this out (through counseling or something else) but she feels like we were too young when we got married and didn't have enough time to grow. Basically this is supposed to give us each time to go and date other people along with taking some time to grow individually. Since I wanted to stay together though she agreed that after the 1 year separation then no matter if we have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend or something that we would meet up an go on a week long vacation or something similar. Basically giving us a chance to see if we want to get back together.

This just hurts so much and I still am completely in love with her even after everything that is going on. My plan is to move back with my friends and family, take some time to go to counseling to help my own problems (both from the military and from this separation).

Should I be doing something else like fighting for her more? Should I just say screw it and find some way to get divorced sooner (I could probably find a way if I looked hard enough)? Should I give her this time so that both of us can do our own thing for a while and then try to win her back or something? Like I said, I am just trying to get some extra perspective. Thanks, and if anyone has any questions or something I need to clarify please let me know.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The fact she told you on Valentines day tells you all you need to know. She has nothing but contempt for you. 

Divorce her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying_To_Understand (Feb 20, 2012)

Honestly the fact it happened on Valentines Day isn't much of a big deal cause neither one of us really cares about most of the holidays. I don't think we have done a single special thing on Valentines Day since we have been together (some of this is probably due to the amount of time we have spent out of the country). Usually if we wanted to have a reason to go out to someplace fancy or give a present to the other person we just did it, we didn't need a specific holiday to do it. (Not that there is anything wrong with people celebrating Valentine's Day)


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I have a similar experience, though I had to get a her to tell me how she didn't feel about me. It is still fresh in your mind, don't be drastic. Regardless of what you choose, take some time now to enjoy yourself and have fun. Meet up with friends. Surround yourself with people that care about you and make you laugh.


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