# I dont know what to think anymore



## TooSoon (Jul 14, 2007)

I have been married to my wife for 2 years although we have been seeing each other since we were 16. We are now 25 turning 26 in the next month(she turns 26 this month).We have done well for ourselves we bought a house when we were 21-22, we have traveled and all that good stuff. When we were dating it was great. We made each other laugh and all that. I truley believe I was in love. We did not have much actual intercourse untill we were 18-19 years old. Even then it wasnt much because she really didnt want to get pregnant or go on the pill. We did use rubbers but accident do and did happen. But I always respected that she wanted to be responsible although it was frustrating. After we got married we wanted to have a child so that fear was not there. It was great, I was so happy with our marriage. Probabbly sounds shallow? After a year she wasnt pregnant. We went to all of the doctors and got tested and they put her on some meds. She ended up getting sick. It was the worst thing I have been through(long story). They now have her disease under control.

Our sex life is now none existing. After she got better we had sex or should i say i had sex with her when the time was right for her to get pregnant. She is now talking about adopting. Which sounds good to me if I thought our marriage was going to last. 

I have tried everything to get her in the mood. Doing chores that I dont normaly do, giving her massages, sweet talking her, guilt trips, and just flat turning and saying " have sex with me". There is always an excuse. Im tired, its too early, too late, middle of day, on her period. The worst part is the way she says it. She makes it sound like I an idot for trying. Like I should know she dosent like to have sex in the morning. 

When I actualy talk to her about the problem she acts like it is not a problem. She thinks having sex every month our 2 should be plenty. It has been more than 2 months now. She isnt taking my concerns seriously. Lately I have been thinking divorce. But I feel like that shouldnt be a reason for divorce. We have had other issues in our marriage but we are working on those and they are getting better.I could never cheat on my wife or even have sex with someone else even if she approved of it while we are married. 

I have been getting depressed over this issue. We are still young I dont want to waste mine our her life on something thats not going to work. She dosent even give me a kiss or a hug when I try to get one. It is so depressing. 

I get very jealous when she takes phone calls in other rooms, but I dont think shes cheating. She did cheat before we got married once since than I get jealous real easily. So now with the lack of any type of affection I think back to the day I found out she cheated on me. 


I love her more than anything. I think about her all day long just like when we were in high school. I dont know what to think anymore. Am I a bad person for wanting sex? Is sex important to most marriages? Is it a reason to split up?


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## serendipity666 (Jul 16, 2007)

Hi
oops, your wife has had a hard time. You maybe coming across as just wanting sex rather than anything else. Your married to her. I'm sure she realises you want it, perhaps shes punishing you for something you did/didnt do? Perhaps sex is not on her list of priorities? Okay silly question, but have you thought of sitting down and just asking her if its a problem with sex, frequency or YOU??

I've been married a long, long time. From the female take, if I withdraw sex its a punishment and if my H comes across desperate I think so?? To me its big red flag, you got a problem, and its not related to sex. 

Ask your wife what the problem is. Dont be accusing but more conscerned. It maybe just that her sex drive doesnt match yours, but i would have imagined that you would have realised this since you've been together so long. You cant guess, no one can so ask. If I could add dont be desperate, just be matter of fact..


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## Not Rachel (Jul 16, 2007)

At least for me and probably for most women, wanting to have a baby and sex becomes extremely linked together. My husband and I had agreed to try to have a baby and did try for several months. In our case, he just one day decided he didn't want another child. Sex after that was psychologically painful for me until I made the same excuses. It wasn't a matter of punishment to him. It was just a a very painful reminder of my inability to have the baby I wanted so much. I know your situation is a bit different, but perhaps the feeling for her is the same. I never shared these feelings with him. You love her. If this is the case for her, help her somehow. That feeling is so deeply seeded. I thought I could figure it out on my own. Get over it. Move on. I never have. Sorry for you both.


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## serendipity666 (Jul 16, 2007)

Hi
Sorry not your thread but you say your husband decided he didnt want to try for another baby so you agreed?? It comes across like you accepted, badly but accepted his decision rather than agreed with it?

I am a mother of 8 children, sex and getting pregnant where never that strongly linked for me but can understand how they could possibily when conception isn't happening. I would just feel, if I was a man that I was being used as a sperm donor rather than a loving partner??

I'm not sure you have accepted the fact that your husband doesnt want another child, so presume you have at least one? I stopped having children because my husband decided he had had enough, doesnt stop me resenting him but I respected his views, we discussed it at great length till I was sure his decision was the right one for my family as a whole.

Excuses of any kind are just that, cop outs rather than facing the true situation and no matter how painful it should be addressed. JMO

serendipity


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

It is pretty unfair that there is viagara for males but nothing for females! I am female, by the way.

It sounds like it's time for the two of you to get outside help together. Her being ill probably killed off her sex drive, which seems normal to me, but since it has this bad affect on your marriage then you probably need help.


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