# Did I over react?



## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

Was at a wedding tonight as wife's sisters stepson got married. During the evening one of my wife'ssisters husbands brothers, who was fairly drunk pulled Mysore onto his lap while she was talking to him and his wife. At that point I went over to where they were sitting and pulledher off and made it know I was not too happy about what had occurred. Wife was not encouraging this and immediately knew I was pi$$Ed and pulled me away before I caused any problems as I do have bit of a temper. It put a damper on the rest of the evening though as I wanted to confront this drunk jerk but wife calmed me down. So questions, should I/ could I have handled this better? Any thoughts or suggestions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I would have done the same thing. 
It was inappropreate and being drunk is no excuse to grap some married chick. Back in the day it would have been justified to hit him, Now a days it lands you in jail.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW, good job in protecting her honor, I'm sure most of the old timers would have patted you an the back. I would have.

Its funny how things have evolved, I'm sure the younger crowd though you were over reacting.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Not overreacting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You did good. And it's good that you stopped at the point that you did.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Why did you have to pull her off? Why didn’t she just stand up and go over to you?


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

Not overreacting in my book.
I'm part of the 'young' generation at 24, but I agree that a man should protect his wife. Many people nowadays see that as 'possession' or something, but I love and appreciate when my husband protects me and will let another man know that it is not okay to touch me / behave inappropriately - I don't see it as offensive to me in any way, but rather a loving instinct to protect me and show he cares about me that much.

I think it's good you dealt with this, as incidents like these seem to be happening more and more nowadays, since 'being drunk' is constantly used as an excuse to behave badly.

I'm just curious as to why this man's wife didn't have a response to any of this...?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I would have done that at the least. It is possible I would have b!tch slapped him. For sure I would have grabbed him and spoken to him up close and personal.

Some guys like to play the drunk card and do what they feel like figuring they have a free pass to grope and play.

BTW what did he do or say after that? Did he apologize?

How much time elapsed before you intervened?

Was your wife trying to get away or was it just too quick? Was she laughing or did she seem upset? I get that she knew you were p!ssed.
I also get that she was not encouraging him but was she passive about it? 

I wonder what they were talking about at the time he felt it was ok to grab her?

You know drunk or not what he did was assault on your wife. We don't get to do that just because we are drunk. There should have been all sorts of apologies flying around. For sure this guy is an @$$hole. If I did something like this I would expect to get my @$$ kicked but good.

Have you ever met these people before?


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Sounds fine to me.

To make it better, 

Calm yourself down more quickly so your wife doesn't feel the need. Once the "aggressive" need has past, shut it down.

Take wife outside, plant a long kiss, leave and get your freak on.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I can't stand drunks in a formal social settings. You didn't put a damper on the evening. He did! 

Gezz, some people can't control themselves and need others to do it for them. I'm with you, no man touches my wife like that. No man! 

As for those who question her reaction. I'm sure she found herself in a uncomfortable and unfamiliar position and didn't know how to react quickly. Not every woman has been exposed to or is ready for that type of situation. That's why Sox needed to intervene before the drunk started smooching or groping her.

Bully for you, Sox.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Just to be clear I am not questioning her reaction as it is unclear as to how quickly this happened. What the heck were they discussing when he decided to pull her on his lap?

Will the OP or his wife ever see these people again?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Just to be clear I am not questioning her reaction as it is unclear as to how quickly this happened. What the heck were they discussing when he decided to pull her on his lap?
> 
> Will the OP or his wife ever see these people again?


Just my take on it, E. No offence to any one.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

anchorwatch said:


> Just my take on it, E. No offence to any one.


Oh no. None taken at all. My curiosity is at work. Just wondering the dynamics of the situation. How a person reacts in a situation can be dependent on many things. How this went down could easily impact his feelings on the matter. It can be assumed that she did not say or do anything to encourage this as the OP states. It probably went down to quick for her to be anything but shocked. Now if she stayed there for any period of time without pushing herself off of him then ... that is something else. The OP would have stated as such it seems.

The guy was not just rude or crossing some boundary by his words. He pulled her on his lap. Who does that? That is incredibly agressive even for someone who is drinking a lot. The OP is concerned if he over reacted but what else could he have done? Which is his question.

Anything short of pulling her off him and letting all know this was not going to be tolerated would be perceived as very weak indeed. I think he did the minimum and perhaps enough.

It seems unlikely they would come in contact again but I would not give this joker a second chance at this. I suppose the guy may feel stupid but my money is on this being something he is used to doing. Who knows. For sure the OP or wife should not apologize to anyone for his behavior. The guy who grabbed her should be the one sending that message.


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## CraigW (Jul 7, 2012)

I don't think you over reacted. The guy didn't lose any teeth and a brawl didn't ensue. You got your point across and no one was hurt. 

One time at a wedding an acquaintance put his arm around my wife's chair and we all looked at each other because this guy had a few too many, well we all did really, but my wife got up immediately and went to the ladies room and I jumped in her chair. I don't know his intention but I wanted to avoid having to kick his ass.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

so just to clarify a few points.....wife went over to the table to say hello to the jerk and his wife (who was also sitting there and had a few too many also). She had met them both at the rehearsal dinner. Jerk says "oh....why don't you have a seat and pulls her onto his lap. My wife says "I don't think so" and starts to get up. I see this and end up on the scene and escort her back to our table where I procede to heat up and head back but she diffuses me and asks I calm down which I do......probably for the best for a variety of reasons. 

So anchorwatch got it just about right and these people live over 1500 miles away and in the 15 years my wife's sister has been married to the jerk's brother this weekend was the first time we have seen them so chances are our paths won't cross again. But it truly amazes me that with a few drinks in them what people think they can get away with. My blood still starts to boil when I think back on this. Thanks for the feedback.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You seem to have taken away the answer you were looking for. Even to the point of writing justification for it. Were you truly just looking for affirmation?



Don’t you think that a man in his fifties should be able to regain control of himself when he sees the red? Why do you think it a good thing that you go into a rage and need your wife to control you? Why can’t you control your own rage and regain control of yourself?. Why on earth were you going to argue, remonstrate with and perhaps even worse get in a fight with a drunken man?

Do you not feel that in your rage you missed many things going on around you? That you were truly blinkered and unaware?

Don’t you know that a man is very blind and vulnerable when in a rage? Why weren’t you Mr Cool, Calm and Collected ready to lay the drunk out if he attacked you without him even knowing what hit him? Why did you put yourself in danger by telegraphing your intentions?

If you can’t control your temper in your fifties, when are you going to be able to control your temper? In your eighties?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Can we say MAN

I know id want my protector to do the same in the situation. 

Bravo.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

AFEH: I did control my temper and I allowed nothing to transpire that would have disrespected the wedding. My annoyance was more to the fact that I have no idea why any man would think that type of behavior was acceptable especially in front of his own wife. My response was appropriate in my opinion.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

It is not a bad thing to make the other guy think that you would've gone further in the altercation. (whether it was true or not) It makes him and anyone who witnessed it think twice before putting their hands on your wife. In situations like these, I do not count alcohol as a mitigating factor in enacting consequences. Don't get drunk around me if you can't keep your hands to yourself. Good Job SoxFan


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

like jamie foxx said, blame it on the goose...they always think its going to save them!


can we say....

SIKE!!!!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

SoxFan said:


> I see this and end up on the scene and escort her back to our table where I procede to heat up and head back but she diffuses me and asks I calm down which I do......probably for the best for a variety of reasons.


What would you have done if your wife did not diffuse you? Or even worse, what would you have done if she had goaded you on and further inflamed you?



SoxFan said:


> AFEH: I did control my temper and I allowed nothing to transpire that would have disrespected the wedding. My annoyance was more to the fact that I have no idea why any man would think that type of behavior was acceptable especially in front of his own wife. My response was appropriate in my opinion.


You write to say that you needed your wife in order for you to behave appropriately! A man in his 50s should be way beyond needing someone else to get him to behave in a response appropriate way.


I would suggest that if you knew more about your emotions, especially how they can literally hijack a man and when you have been hijacked, most especially by anger, how to respond in cool, calm and collected ways. For example if you have studied and practice martial arts you would not have responded in the way you did because you would have been confident, cool, calm and collected and ready to handle whatever happens.

For me what you talk of is the behaviour a young man in his teenage years and maybe into his twenties. Not a man in his fifties! A man in his fifties should be well capable of controlling his own anger!


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

Oh please......I was not in a blood thirsty rage. The response was appropriate to the situation. When someone disrespects a man's wife like that an initial reaction is most always going to be anger. Some things provoke a gut response and this was one of them. The initial reaction passed and things were taken care of appropriately.


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