# opinions please..



## dd080510 (Jul 27, 2011)

I posted my story a while back about my husband accepting an offer for oral from an ex. We have successfully moved forward and are doing very well but I have a burning question in my heart regarding the OW's husband. I chatted with him when this all first came out last year to swap details and he mentioned she had never done this before. I cut contact with him when my husband and I decided to reconcile. 

Well, I saw him on Monday at a playground with our children. I tried to avoid/ignore him so I could not have any major triggers but he approached me and talked about how they were doing. He stated they split up recently. When I mentioned that she was a repeat offender and it was good he is moving on, he looked puzzled. I couldn't say more because the kids were around. She told my husband after he cut sexual contact that he was not her 1st affair. She had a lengthy full out sexual affair with an old boss. 

So my question is: if you were the other spouse, would you want to know about this additional affair after you split. I didn't want to chat with him again after the very initial discovery and especially didn't want to break it to him if they were reconciling so I kept to my own this past year. I know it's true info because I have an email she sent to my husband stating so. I want to continue moving on and I would hate to be the bearer of bad news.. but if it were me, I would want to know. I can't quite silence this urge in my to let him know this went on even though I feel it is entirely inappropriate to contact him again. Just wondering if other BS would want to know. Thanks.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

IMHO I would leave it alone, the man knows his W is cheater, and has split b/c of it. The fact that he knows is enough. What the extent is may be more painful then what its worth.

The bottom line her already knows she's a cheat, end of story.

I'm all for exposing but in this case her cheating has been exposed so why offer more pain to a already painfull issue.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

So you want others, like the OWH, to practice the 'golden rule' but not you?:scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I say, leave it alone. If you were to run into him again and he asks, then disclose what you know but apparently they are already split and making moves to proceed with their lives separately.


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## dd080510 (Jul 27, 2011)

Yeah, I'm definitely leaning toward the same thought, Jellybeans and theguy. I just feel like the past is the past and why hurt him further. I guess I'm just confused as to why my gut still feels bad for him not knowing about it because I would want to know. But, you're right, he's hurt enough and the last thing I want to do is put someone in even more pain than they already went through by exposing more info. 

I'm not too sure what you're stance is Morituri. I think there is a huge difference between honesty within yourself and disclosing info to another person that doesn't involve you at all. I was just curious if other men would want to know this additional info or if it would be far too painful to hear after everything else. Part of me feels like I didn't have the chance to bring it up with our kids around so I'm not going to contact him out of the blue and shock him with the news. As much as I feel he deserves to know, I can't quite help the thought that it's just not my place. Thank you all for your thoughts.


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## InsecureSecurity (Aug 7, 2011)

I would want to know. I don't believe my wife has been completely honest with me yet, and I absolutely would want to know. He deserves to know how badly his vows were broken by his wife. If anything, it may help him become a better man by learning to trust but verify in everything.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

I would want to know...for sure.

I would hate to find out this information after she comes back to try a reconciliation.

I know you say they are separated, but they might end up trying a reconciliation.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

RWB said:


> I just didn't want the truth, I needed the truth. You are not helping by hiding. Step up and set him free.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

His confused look MAY mean that he is unaware of his wife's previous affair. He may be operating under an incomplete picture of who his wife really is. If you gave him the information of his wife's first affair, it may remove any doubts that his action to separate, and possibly divorce his wife, is the right one. 

Like it or not, your silence could end up aiding his cheating wife's manipulating efforts on him.


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