# are you heal yet?



## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

I applied for divorce after I discovered my ex cheat on me when I was pregnant.
That was 3yrs ago. 
Now my kid is 3 years old. 

I was just thinking 
How to know whether I am fully heal from the cheating? How to heal?

I still see my ex almost everyday. On the day our divorce is finalize, he send me a texr saying he felt remorse and was not happy at all. 
I ignored him of course. 

Now he fetch us to and from dd childcare almost everyday (my office is near childcare) 
Seeing him remind me of the cheating that cause me to have emotional roller coaster occasionally.
I hate this feeling 
😧
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Piggy said:


> I applied for divorce after I discovered my ex cheat on me when I was pregnant.
> That was 3yrs ago.
> Now my kid is 3 years old.
> 
> ...


You never fully detatched(Indifference). Did you take any medications during this roller coaster? Or Drink heavily?


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Not a drinker. 
Saw a doctor regarding the stress. He told me I am not so serious till I need medication. 

Detached meaning no contact?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'll know I'm healed when I can go longer than a month without lashing out at my ex via text or email. (We do not speak verbally). Actually, it will have to be longer than a month, and the urge will have to be completely non-existant, but my current record is only about a month, and I killed it last night so I'm on Day 1 again....*sigh*


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Piggy said:


> Not a drinker.
> Saw a doctor regarding the stress. He told me I am not so serious till I need medication.
> 
> Detached meaning no contact?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Detach emotionally rather he is physically around or not. You seem to still have feelings in some way for the man. Terminate them and you are healed. DUDE


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Dude007 said:


> Detach emotionally rather he is physically around or not. You seem to still have feelings in some way for the man. Terminate them and you are healed. DUDE


How to detached? Get into another relationship?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

No don't get in another relationship work on urself


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'll know I'm healed when I can go longer than a month without lashing out at my ex via text or email. (We do not speak verbally). Actually, it will have to be longer than a month, and the urge will have to be completely non-existant, but my current record is only about a month, and I killed it last night so I'm on Day 1 again....*sigh*


May I ask how long has it been?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Dude007 said:


> No don't get in another relationship work on urself


Sound easy but hard to implement 
Sometimes the mind will just go to the dark side and trigger everything :crying:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Piggy said:


> May I ask how long has it been?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, we divorced in 2010, but reconciled in 2014 until he dumped me for his ex (after we bought a house together). I moved out in June of this year, so it hasn't been long this time around.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, we divorced in 2010, but reconciled in 2014 until he dumped me for his ex (after we bought a house together). I moved out in June of this year, so it hasn't been long this time around.


Hugs sis
The ex is the one he started the affair?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Piggy said:


> Hugs sis
> The ex is the one he started the affair?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't really know what healed would look like. I guess to me healed means I am back to the person I was before the affair and before the divorce but I'm not that person and never will be again. I am forever changed by her actions and virtually a different person. Healed never but I have moved forward and past it. That's the most many of us can hope for.


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

Piggy said:


> I was just thinking. How to know whether I am fully heal from the cheating? How to heal?


It may be a long time before you completely recover from the experience. You can't expect it to happen overnight, especially when you're faced with constant reminders (seeing him in a regular basis).



> Seeing him remind me of the cheating that cause me to have emotional roller coaster occasionally.


It will get better! The unpleasant feelings you experience will subside over time. You know how sometimes a song might remind you of something sad and make you cry, but the more you hear that song, the less of an effect it has on you? It's like that. One day you will get to the point where you will think of him, and you won't be sad at all. It could take years, though. It's a process. You can't rush it.


Quigster


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## BoyScout (Feb 6, 2015)

Have I healed yet? My wife left our bedroom a little over a year ago, moved out of the house 11 months ago, and our divorce was final four months ago. 

I am over her. I don't miss her. I don't think about her when I hear music that used to trigger my emotional ties to her. I no longer get that excitement when I see she is calling me. I no longer have a vision of my future in my head where she plays a role.

That said, I miss having someone with whom I can share my life. That still hurts and I, frankly, don't understand how that wound will heal unless I'm able to find someone with whom I can share my life. I have made the realization/ decision that I'm not looking for a substitute. I married that woman for a completely different set of reasons than for which I would marry now. 

I guess I'll have to say that I think healing is a continuous process and to an extent it will never be over.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

BoyScout is on the money. Healing is a continuous process that is never really over. As you heal you realize that you have changed. You may get over the longing, the want, the need for the other person and the pain and hurt that goes along with it. But if you truly heal you will become a better person if you use the experience to grow as a person. Too often many people mask the pain with drugs or booze or another relationship and never really heal.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

If you are a better person now and know yourself much better than before your marriage you have not just healed. You've benefited!! That's what's hard for some folks to conceive. They would have never taken such a critical look at themselves had their not been this trauma. So believe it or not there is a chance to come out ahead if you take it. Dude


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