# love turning to hate



## 7yearloser (Mar 14, 2012)

Its Friday I would normally go home for the weekend, if life were as it should be, but because of them I can't. Spoke to ww tonight about kid things and got good news on daughter, just made me sad because I can't go there, the place that I used to call home. All I want to do is to hunt him down, kill him like a stray dog, take his carcass back to that *****, throw it at her feet and spit in her face
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The whole trying to cope thing is pathetic


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## 7yearloser (Mar 14, 2012)

You know you all feel this way about your spouses other !


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Just remember bubba, life has a way of gettin those people back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Most of us hate the WSs' affair partners pretty strongly. They are slime.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do the 180.

Did you read the posts that have been recomended for you?

You will get a better response if you stick to one thread. People may not know your posting since it will not pop up on their subscription list. If you make a post it will alert people that have been following you. Of course if you ignore the advise or don't respond, whats the point.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Why can't you go home---why arn't you in YOUR HOUSE???????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hate is just love with pain.

So nothing has really turned into anything. You've just added pain to the situation 

Why are you not home?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Bad to be in your position.
Sick.

Sorry.

Take care of yourself. AlmostRecovered has links under his signature. Consider visiting them.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

7,

I have a suggestion for you.

*GO HOME!!!!*

Tell your wife to grow up and leave on the weekends. This is my house, I am not destroying our marriage/family, you are. 

Grab your balls and twist, feel the pain. Use it to your advantage.

If your wife does not wake up, and you guys are heading to divorce then go nuclear and let both sides of your families know what she has been doing to your marriage for the last seven years.

It would be a cold day in hell my wife "separated" me from my kids.

Man, you need to wake up and toughen up. Take your family back.

And if the OM is divorced then figure out another way to deal with him.

Hell if my wife was daing him for 7 years i would go home, pack her bags, force her into the car and drop her and her sh*t on his doorstep. Two problems solved!!! And she gets her separation. Hell, I would go straight to divorce after seven years on the rollercoaster.

Start fighting and stop letting those b**ches make you miserable.

HM64


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I know the feeling,I want the OM so bad,I want blood,my pound of flesh very bad,I feel it would help with closure,especially since OM taunted me and egged me on but did'nt have the guts for a little face to face meeting,he even invited me but wouldnt show.Its a feeling thats hard to let go but he lives in the area,so one day I will make him hurt 20 times more than what he helped put me through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Hate is just love with pain.
> 
> So nothing has really turned into anything. You've just added pain to the situation
> 
> Why are you not home?


Exactly. The opposite of love is not hate it is apathy. Implement the 180 if you already have not done so. Go home and treat your wife as if she were nothing more than a housekeeper. Be cordial but not loving or angry. Show her you care nothing about her. And if she can leave for the weekend that would be preferable. Tell her that her services are not required until Monday.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

7year,

The OM is not worth one minute of your time. He wins when you anguish. He's a piece of sh!t, just let him dry up and blow off. Violence is not going to serve you well. Don't show anguish. The only way to fight evil is with truth.


I hounded my wife's OM1 for years after DD. He was/is a principal/teacher in our local school system. I exposed him at every turn. He has affair after affair with teachers in the system. My counselor guessed him by name just from the circumstance of my wife's affair. Some kind of slick a$$hole. He left the state to teach in FL. I tracked him down and let the admin/faculty at his "new" school know what his record was like. Just the facts of how many marriages and families he had destroyed. Just the facts on how much grief and turmoil in the schools he was part of. 

Honest, decent people will not tolerate vermin in their midst.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I know we are all civilized humans, however, this is NATURE at work here. The deep need to pulverize one's adversary. I personally think that smashing that creep's face will make you feel better. Just don't get caught! The guy is a pu$sy and he may go crying to the cops. I say scare the sh!t out of him.


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## WeDoExist (Mar 6, 2012)

I have the same feelings towards the OM...and I don't know how to make them stop. I realize that making him pay wouldn't really help anything...but damn it would feel good.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

People all say that its never the OM's fault really, but your ex's fault for inviting that and lying and cheating and so forth..

however, 
I was raised and knew fully well as an adult man that I do not belong speaking to a married woman in a romantic way, or for the purpose of trying to get a piece. 
Of course, being the humiliated exhusband in this situation, i may be a little biased. I now know the full extent from the opposite side, of why this viewpoint was instilled in me. 
So, whats the story with these guys? They were raised by animals? My exwife decided she saw a greater quality to them, or did the point of the whole thing, i.e. heres a guy that doesnt mind cheating and disrupting a family, completely evade her?
They were unaware that injecting themselves into a situation with a family involved was not worthy of a bullet to the face?
No matter what the situation was, a man doesnt pull that b.s.
A real man, that is, one with character and honor, and wisdom.

Alas, there are a steady supply of boys posing as men these days. Raised by no better than criminals themselves, they have no sense of dignity or character. And it used to be, that life could teach these lessons (a good asswhuppin). 
Nowadays, a man whose struggled for years to keep his family together and safe and fed and housed, is suddenly passed over for some complete moron of no value at all other than fertilizer.

Let her have him. Sh!t for sh!t, I say.


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## 7yearloser (Mar 14, 2012)

I actually went home this weekend , the wife and I talked some although after all this her words mean very little. So far we have not told our kids and she is only now starting to talk to her friends about our situation. Just from our conversation I believe she is attempting to rewrite history to justify why she has carried on outside our marriage, it amazes me that cheaters all seem to follow the same script , its as if they all read a book on the subject and are just following the instructions . 
She is saying she is unhappy and just feels numb and that she just wants to be happy again , my take on it is that she feels guilty about what she has done and now is trying to play the poor me card , I am just sick of it all so I have started laying the ground work for a divorce, I am liquidating investments and erasing debt I want nothing incommon with her except our kids if we end up divorcing. There is my problem my head has me moving in the right direction but my heart pulls me backward. Is this just a normal reaction and how have others at this point in a marriage dealt with it. While I appreciate all comments, I have heard "screw her move on" enough to last a lifetime from my close friends


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

endlessgrief said:


> I know we are all civilized humans, however, this is NATURE at work here. The deep need to pulverize one's adversary. I personally think that smashing that creep's face will make you feel better. Just don't get caught! The guy is a pu$sy and he may go crying to the cops. I say scare the sh!t out of him.


From this article:
Natural Selection in Family Law


"In Texas, when another male interfered with the husband’s access to his wife, it could have dire consequences. Under Article 1220 of the Penal Code of the State of Texas, homicide was “justifiable when committed by the husband upon one taken in the act of adultery with the wife, provided the killing take place before the parties to the act have separated.” This statute was in effect until 1974 (James Dilliard Shaw, Appellant v. The State of Texas, Appellee, 510 S.W. 2d 926 (Court of Criminal Appeals of Texas, 1974)). It was also known as the “paramour statute.” The paramour statute added an extra bite to mate-guarding."

This was the law when I became an adult: Blow away the OM: justifiable homicide.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

7yearloser said:


> I actually went home this weekend , the wife and I talked some although after all this her words mean very little. So far we have not told our kids and she is only now starting to talk to her friends about our situation. Just from our conversation I believe she is attempting to rewrite history to justify why she has carried on outside our marriage, it amazes me that cheaters all seem to follow the same script , its as if they all read a book on the subject and are just following the instructions .
> She is saying she is unhappy and just feels numb and that she just wants to be happy again , my take on it is that she feels guilty about what she has done and now is trying to play the poor me card , I am just sick of it all so I have started laying the ground work for a divorce, I am liquidating investments and erasing debt I want nothing incommon with her except our kids if we end up divorcing. There is my problem my head has me moving in the right direction but my heart pulls me backward. Is this just a normal reaction and how have others at this point in a marriage dealt with it. While I appreciate all comments, I have heard "screw her move on" enough to last a lifetime from my close friends


Just remember that the heart felt pull you are feeling is normal. It is the longing for the wife you married and the marriage you had. You are in mourning for those things she took from you and you can never get them back. Logically you realize this. It will take some time for your heart to catch up with your head.

Keep moving on. The heart will catch up eventually and one day you will feel that what you are doing now was/is the best thing for you and your kids.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Shoo, please be careful telling people that type of thing. You don't know the people who are on this site personally and what their mental state currently is. What if the OP goes and blows the OM away? 

I understand being upset at the OM. But why are you letting your WW off the hook? Everyone always gets mad and wants revenge on the other person. But did he MAKE your wife have an affair? Of course, he shouldn't have gotten involved with your wife, bit she's an adult too. As an adult, she made a decision too. Be mad at her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Sorry that wasn't shoo....it was mach who gave old TX law.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 7yearloser (Mar 14, 2012)

I am past the rage and have moved on . I know my wife bears more blame than the om, she is the one that stood in front of everyone that we knew and loved 23 years ago and promised to be faithful to me forsaking all others. 
Thanks TDSC60 for the kind comments, its amazing how emotionally fragile we become when put in this situation your kindness is greatly appreciated.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

7yearloser said:


> I am past the rage and have moved on . I know my wife bears more blame than the om, she is the one that stood in front of everyone that we knew and loved 23 years ago and promised to be faithful to me forsaking all others.
> Thanks TDSC60 for the kind comments, its amazing how emotionally fragile we become when put in this situation your kindness is greatly appreciated.


YW.

When your heart has been torn from your chest and stomped flat. Emotions go everywhere. They will take you to places you didn't even know existed and desperately want to avoid. Unfortunately, it is normal for your situation.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

7YL,

How could your emotions not become fragile after putting up with a 3rd person in your marriage for years.

Your wife is very selfish. And you are right, she is the one that took the vows. She is too blame.

Move forward and detach.

Do yourself one favor though, do not let her rewrite your marriage. Set everyone straight. Family and friends.

Good Luck

HM64


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok. I am sick and tired of the helplessness I "hear" in this post. I have 3 things to say to you:

1. MAN UP
2. MAN UP
3. MAN UP

Go back to YOUR house and move in. If she doesn't like - She can move out. Be a father to your children. Do the 180 on the WW (I would use another W word, but out of respect for you, I won't).

Grow a pair and stop whining and start doing. If she is re-writing. Tell you story long and hard now! File for divorce NOW. If your state has for cause for adultry, file that way. Quit the pity party. Life is too short.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

7 yr---you do whatever you need to do---to have a decent somewhat happy, rest of your life

I am sure you understand that for the last 3rd of your mge---your wife--didn't come home, and discuss things, and show her true love, and give her all to the mge---instead---she confided, probably spent more time talking to/listening to her lover.

For 7 years you have been in 2nd place in your own mge----basically you haven't been in a mge---you have been somewhat like roommates with benefits.

This I am sure doesn't play very well with you---knowing that where she came from on each and every important/major decision she was involved in, also involved her lover, and much of the advice, or input she gave in re: conducting the every day major and minor aspects of your mge., and life---CAME FROM HIM

IMHO---I don't think you can recover from this, you have started to move on---keep the ball rolling, and get your D-----You will recover, and start a halfway decent normal life much the sooner, if you rid yourself of your wife and her lover, that has helped to run/ruin your mge.


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