# This should probably be a taboo subject



## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Somehow the wife and I got onto the subject of her past boyfriends. Remember I am retroactively jealous and trying my best to get over this condition. And I'm thinking the more exposure I have to my wife's past the more desensitized I will become to it. So far it's working, we've talked about her previous relationships before and it used to bother me, but not so much now because I'm realizing I can trust her. 

So for some reason I had to take it up a notch yesterday. I dunno why I did, but I did. I asked about who of the guys she ever dated had the biggest penis. We've discussed this in the past but I asked it again yesterday. She told me again it was a biker dude that she briefly dated way before I came along. She said the guy ought to be a porn Star. In the past she told me it was too uncomfortable because it was so big, but yesterday when I had mentioned that she had only had sex w him a couple of times because it was uncomfortable she admitted that it was more than twice and it actually felt good. She only told me it was uncomfortable in the past because I was too sensitive and took the discussion the wrong way. So yesterday I didn't show any emotion, it was just a matter of fact discussion. But I have to admit to still being very jealous and a bit hurt that she told me a lie in the past, even if it was to protect my feelings. I'm no slouch in the penis dept, I'm about 6.5 inches with a sizable girth. But I find myself feeling jealous of this other guy. I asked for specifics on her sexual experience with this guy but she refused to go any further and said she was afraid I would just use it against her in the future.

So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband? Guys, have you ever had this discussion with your wife? If so, and you weren't the biggest, did it make you feel jealous?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband? Guys, have you ever had this discussion with your wife? If so, and you weren't the biggest, did it make you feel jealous?


If my husband acted like you, I would either lie my face of to him so that he thought he was my very first, or throw everything I ever did in his face just to piss him off and shut him the hell up about it.

Seriously, dude, what is WRONG with you??


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> If my husband acted like you, I would either lie my face of to him so that he thought he was my very first, or throw everything I ever did in his face just to piss him off and shut him the hell up about it.
> 
> Seriously, dude, what is WRONG with you??


I don't understand your vitriol towards me. Do my questions personally offend you in some way? I've acknowledged that I've had issues with retroactive jealousy and jealousy toward the guys she talks with at work. I'm working on my issues to be a better husband for her. She says my jealousy is the only thing wrong with me. She says in every other way I'm perfect for her.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> I don't understand your vitriol towards me. Do my questions personally offend you in some way? I've acknowledged that I've had issues with retroactive jealousy and jealousy toward the guys she talks with at work. I'm working on my issues to be a better husband for her. She says my jealousy is the only thing wrong with me. She says in every other way I'm perfect for her.


Not vitriol. More like incredulity. It blows my mind what you are putting yourself through. And you just keep doing it over and over and over and over................................. it's hard to watch.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You need to get yourself under control or you are going to ruin your marriage. Why on earth would you ask such a question? Did you want her to lie? If shes slept with other men, then unless you are unusually large (which you already know if its true), its likely one of them was bigger.

I don't know what guys my wife slept with before me. I don't know how large they were, what sex acts the engaged in etc. She wasn't a virgin so I assume she engaged in a variety of sexual acts. I assume the ones she enjoyed she still does with me. 



If this really mattered to you, you should have married a virgin, but you didn't. 

She is with you because she loves you. Don't drive her away.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband? 

No. No. NO. Because it reeks of insecurity. It's like me asking my partner if his ex-girlfriends boobs/butt were bigger, stomach was flatter, face was prettier, vagina was tighter. He would look at me like I'm crazy. Rightfully so. Who the hell cares? Seriously. Ugh don't do it, that is such a turn off.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

uhtred said:


> You need to get yourself under control or you are going to ruin your marriage. Why on earth would you ask such a question? Did you want her to lie? If shes slept with other men, then unless you are unusually large (which you already know if its true), its likely one of them was bigger.
> 
> I don't know what guys my wife slept with before me. I don't know how large they were, what sex acts the engaged in etc. She wasn't a virgin so I assume she engaged in a variety of sexual acts. I assume the ones she enjoyed she still does with me.
> 
> ...


Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


Not among secure men.

I gave up on those concepts/ideas way back in my 20's. I am who I am.

Why waste any energy comparing myself to someone else? Too much work, too much drama.

Why do you continue to skate uphill?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Good grief.

WHY are you doing this to yourself?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

snerg said:


> Not among secure men.


Exactly!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

uhtred said:


> She wasn't a virgin so I assume she engaged in a variety of sexual acts. I assume the ones she enjoyed she still does with me.


I really hope the OP gets anal, and if not I hope she's never done it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


I don't think it's normal or common. After all, what does it accomplish? Either you get fake reassurance, or you get a truth you may not be able to handle. You can't change the past, so there is no pissing contest to be had. I suppose you can take comfort in being her current choice, even if a past lover was bigger or better in some way. But, we all know that sex and relationships aren't single-faceted and focused only on genitalia -- someone before you could have had the best penis ever, and yet still have been lousy in a relationship.

If it doesn't bother you to know these things, and it makes no difference to how you feel about each other, then share away. Usually, it doesn't serve a useful purpose to pursue details, IMO. At best, you might learn about a technique that you can also use to improve your sex life together, but that's based on skill development, not on traits you cannot change.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


Sure, between MALES. And they all LIE about it. What you are doing to yourself is NOT normal, dude. Just STOP already.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Good grief.
> 
> WHY are you doing this to yourself?


Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband has never asked about previous sexual encounters I had. The only reason I've asked HIM is because of an MC assignment. We volunteered info early on in a very general sense, but NEVER any details such as how big a penis was. If he EVER asked me what size his penis is in comparison to others I've had, I'd be sending him right back to IC to deal with his insecurities.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


What planet do you live on??


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


Helpless? No, more like thankful, I feel I'm reaping the benefits of her promiscuity.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

LaBron James is a PHENOMENAL basketball player. But for most he'll never be better than Jordan. 

Ive had plenty of trouble with insecurities myself CD. Likely due to a mother who instilled the above thought process in me. Realize how stupid thinking like this is though. If you go down the road of ranking and comparisons to validate yourself, you'll eventually lose. Unless you are the greatest of all time.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


Unless your W is specifically saying she wished you were like her ex's (which would then beg the question of why she is even with you), who gives a poop?

Aside from finding out how many people someone slept with or if something happened in a SOs past that could impact us, I have no interest in any details of their past, nor do I have much of an interest in sharing mine. I don't see anything to get out sharing such information unless both people agree to (even then, I think it could end up being questionable)


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Canada,

You've got trust issues. I used to be like you in my first marriage. (Of course, she cheated on me so it was justified) but I started to obsess over it.

You have 2 choices:

1) Divorce and start over

2) Get a clean slate and start over together.

If you don't do either of those two, you'll eventually do #1. It's trust, pure and simple. Stop worrying about "your needs" and start focusing on hers. Who the hell cares who had the biggest penis? It accomplishes nothing... unless you were in a completely trusting relationship then it's great for laughs and fun. But you aren't, so just don't go there.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Guys are more preoccupied with penis size than women are. Not one of the 20 women I had sex with was willing to or mentioned previous lovers. That is an unspoken law. In this day and age it is surprising how many men still think that penis size equates to better sex or orgasms. It does not unless your sexual education is only porn. Once, one of my wife's friends mentioned a guy she had sex with that had a large penis. She said all he did was pound her with it, thinking that is all he had to do and she was sore the next few days. She even found that his penis bumping against her cervix was distracting. If you read true stories about guys with big penises, you will find that it presents problems for them. Some women will not let them have intercourse with them. Some girls feel pain. Life is not like porn.

Do men go around looking for women with tight vaginas because they are better at sex? Despite what many men say about big boobs, are only large chested girls capable of giving great orgasms? It is all BS. I am about your size and I have pleased many women who came back for more, including a few who never had an orgasm by intercourse before. A woman's vagina is only about 5-6" before you enter the cervix area which does not have as many nerve ending as their vagina. You can look at it two ways. Either your think you are too small or think that she is too stretched out. Why do men chose to believe that they are the problem? 

The most recent study showed that when women were asked to select a 3D printed penis, they selected about 5-6". Previous studies were simply asking women if they prefered big or average sized penises. You would get the same results if you asked guys if they rather have a girl with small or large boobs. It has nothing to do with real life or sexual pleasure. A great orgasm is a great orgasm, no matter how it is achieved. I love oral sex. I give women their first orgasm orally. Then do intercourses and if they do not orgasm again before I do, I will perform oral on them again, even though my semen is still inside them. I study sex and learn all that I can about it. I have had sex with models and they all had good orgasms and wanted more. No one cares but you about penis size as long as you make them orgasm. 

There are size queens out there who only like large penises but that is more of a visual turn on than physical, much like having sex with a woman with large breasts. My wife had no sex with anyone before me so she has no past. I have a long past but my wife does not want to hear about it. I cannot imagine a wife talking about an ex with a large penis since she should know that men are sensitive about their penis size. If you cannot please your wife as much as another man, it is not because of your penis size. I give my wife orgams in under 3 minutes, and multiple ones too. That is how it has been with most of my sexual partners with the exception of my ex fiancee who is now married to a woman so no mystery there. Stop worrying because your lack of confidence will translate to poor sexual performance.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


I make comparison to no man. Not sure why you ask these questions of your W. My W dated before we met. I dated before as well. We understood there was physical activity for us both before we met each other. That is in the past now and remains so. You should consider doing the same.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


Why on earth would I want to think about how much pipe might have been laid in my wife? 

I accept that she was not a virgin and moved on. She tried a couple of times early on to tell me how many guys she had been with over the years, but why do I need that information? I am secure enough in who I am that that information is just not important.

Enjoy your wife for who she is and appreciate that she is married to you. She is with you and not them, right? However, keep up your behavior and she might go back to them....


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Not really. 
Like most men I have a reasonable idea of the size of my own penis. A quick web search 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size#/media/File:Human_penis_sizes_length_only.svg
Lets me know the statistics. So I know, if I cared, where I am in that chart. I can guess how many partners my wife had before me and work out the odds she had someone larger. Not 0, not 100%. 

In terms of skill, I'm convinced I'm the best because I very much care about pleasing her and I think that matters far more than any physical characteristic.




CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

You're just shooting yourself in the foot by asking your wife these questions. My husband and I have talked about past partners but only in general terms; nothing specific. Nothing good can come out of it. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> You're just shooting yourself in the foot .


Much easier to do if you have a large one :grin2:


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

CD, the truth is that ALL men do wonder about this - to varying degrees (strong or not). Men have been comparing penises since time began. And in more recent times, they have also been wondering about previous partners. However …

it is the smart ones who know how to deal with it. Not so much confidence or strength of character, but more to do with brains. 

The smart ones know that they are not likely to have the largest penis ever and the more partners their wife has had the higher the odds that she has come across a larger penis or two.

And even if the guy didn't know what to do with it at the very least it would have felt good (unless he was King Kong and she is tiny) - don't listen to all the stuff about size doesn't matter. It does feel better to honest women. But it is not necessarily the best.

So the smart ones, learn to enjoy what they have rather than try and worry about being the biggest or whatever. They know that while they have their girlfriend or wife all to themselves, they have the best opportunity to prove to her that they in fact are the best and that is not by having the biggest penis but by having plenty of time alone with her to find out what really floats her bucket (and that is 90% brain power and 10% physical attributes).

Retroactive jealousy is a common condition. Not something for anyone to direct vitriol or incredulity at. Many men (and women) suffer from this. And you are tackling it which is admirable. However start applying brain power and it will go away!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


Nope.

It's a sign of insecurity.

Get a grip dude.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

OK, so here's the truth if your wife was not a virgin when you met:

She's had a bigger penis than yours.

She's had a smaller penis than yours.


Your question is symptomatic of something other than what you think you are pursuing. Do you have a good marriage? Do you trust she isn't and hasn't cheated on you? Do you have a generally good sex life? Does she bring up her previous boyfriends in a way which indicates she misses them? Does she say negative things about your abilities in bed? Do you think she's lied about her past sufficiently to have railroaded you into staying with her?

One possibility is you are concerned because there are issues in the marriage and you think you are somehow the cause. Another is you fear she has chosen you as a Nice Guy Stable Provider for her, not because she loves you or desires you sexually. Another is you have a dysfunctionally low self esteem.

What I will grant you is you have the right to need the information you need about your wife's past. And she is providing what seem like solid honest answers right now. There are competing theories on how much info you should get about your partner's past. I am in the camp that you should have an honest picture so that you can judge if you are compatible. Not that you need every detail, but you should know enough to have that honest understanding.

But you are going even beyond that with your questioning. It is as if you are looking for her to reassure you that you are the best, biggest, best looking, richest, most desirable man she's ever known. You're in an unhealthy place.

Here's one more truth: You cannot compete with the combination of best attributes of all of her previous boyfriends. One had a big penis. One maybe had a lot of money. One maybe was very athletic. Another had a great car. Whatever, you can't compete with the selected best attributes. Along with the big penis the guy may have had a really ugly personality. The athletic guy may have had a micro-penis and no money. So stop comparing yourself to these other men. If your marriage is good and you believe your wife is being a good faithful spouse, you don't need to dig into all these details of her past relationships.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Thor said:


> OK, so here's the truth if your wife was not a virgin when you met:
> 
> She's had a bigger penis than yours.
> 
> She's had a smaller penis than yours.


If his wife once had a penis, regardless of it's size, there are bigger problems here.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Penis size does matter to some women. To the rest it usually doesn't. 

The only time it might matter is if the guy has an inordinately small one, like two or three inches.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


I have been with plenty of women in my life and was married to one of them for twenty years. Never once did I wonder how my unit compared to others she had had, never once did I ask about it. Sure there were some general comments over the years about past sexual experiences, but just general pillow talk type stuff. Also I will say that no woman I have ever been with asked if her vagina was as tight as others. (thank goodness!) (no wait, I mean they were ALL tight to me because I am so big!!)

Seriously CanadaDry, you need to learn to self monitor. Drunks don't drink more to cure themselves, and they usually don't go work at a bar, smokers don't smoke more, drug addicts don't do more drugs, sex addicts don't find more sex. When you have a problem, like your retroactive jealousy, you learn your limits and you learn to not put yourself in bad situations. It's like picking at a scab, it just takes longer to heal. For some reason you're not learning this, it's like you look for ways to bring hurt or conflict into your life. Maybe you do it as a self destruct philosophy, that way you always have a good foundation of excuses laid for when your life blows up.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

bandit.45 said:


> Penis size does matter to some women. To the rest it usually doesn't.
> 
> The only time it might matter is if the guy has an inordinately small one, like two or three inches.


Is that length or diameter?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CanadaDry said:


> Somehow the wife and I got onto the subject of her past boyfriends. Remember I am retroactively jealous and trying my best to get over this condition. And I'm thinking the more exposure I have to my wife's past the more desensitized I will become to it. So far it's working, we've talked about her previous relationships before and it used to bother me, but not so much now because I'm realizing I can trust her.
> 
> So for some reason I had to take it up a notch yesterday. I dunno why I did, but I did. I asked about who of the guys she ever dated had the biggest penis. We've discussed this in the past but I asked it again yesterday. She told me again it was a biker dude that she briefly dated way before I came along. She said the guy ought to be a porn Star. In the past she told me it was too uncomfortable because it was so big, but yesterday when I had mentioned that she had only had sex w him a couple of times because it was uncomfortable she admitted that it was more than twice and it actually felt good. She only told me it was uncomfortable in the past because I was too sensitive and took the discussion the wrong way. So yesterday I didn't show any emotion, it was just a matter of fact discussion. But I have to admit to still being very jealous and a bit hurt that she told me a lie in the past, even if it was to protect my feelings. I'm no slouch in the penis dept, I'm about 6.5 inches with a sizable girth. But I find myself feeling jealous of this other guy. I asked for specifics on her sexual experience with this guy but she refused to go any further and said she was afraid I would just use it against her in the future.
> 
> So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband? Guys, have you ever had this discussion with your wife? If so, and you weren't the biggest, did it make you feel jealous?


I've had many conversations with Mrs. Conan about past sex partners but not because of RJ.

Some of our talks were to help her work through her emotions about things she wasn't proud of.

Other talks were for fun because I am very sexually confident and I think sex is both fun and humorous.

I have asked her about experiences she liked and why she liked them so I could maybe improve as her lover.

Just for data. Her first husband was hung like a horse. He was not a competent lover or a considerate husband or even a very smart guy.

She didn't enjoy sex that much with him. She liked it best with considerate lovers who took their time and worked her passion up with soft caresses.

I am easily her best lover if for no other reason than I made myself a student of her body and female sexuality.

Mrs. Conan can, and has, accommodated a very large penis. Much bigger than me. When I get her really aroused and hot, I can tell her kitty can take quite a bit more than I am pushing. Not length wise, I'm actually close to 8 in length and that can bother her cervix before she is really worked up but she could seriously handle more girth. I'm no slouch in that department either, 5.5, but she has never had a vaginal O anyway though she has come closest with me and it is my goal to eventually push her over that edge.

You simply need confidence partner. Sex is and is not serious.

If your wife feels safe and comfortable with you there is nothing she wont share with you and that will open up intimate pleasure centers in her mind.

You will also be able to bring her to higher heights during sex.

You have to look at her actions and trust her. Emotions are poor reasons for making decisions.

Your RJ should not be a basis for any action or decision about your wife.

Her actions should be your guide to trusting her with your intimacy and heart.

I actually get a laugh about some of our sexual history.

I love my wife and she is my friend so I wish she had been treated better by Mr. Huge penis and had a better sexual experience than she did.

Mrs. Conan chose me above all others easy.

Didn't your wife do the same with you?

I sincerely hope you can connect with your wife on this level.

She needs to feel safe with you brother.

Peace.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Aside from maybe how many partner's your wife has had, you are not entitled to any information about past sexual experiences she had before you and frankly I think no good will come out of you asking and her telling. Somethings are best left unsaid. 

Why does it matter how big her last partners were, or if they were good in bed or not. All that matters is if she is happy with the sex life you guys are having. I have to agree with uthred. If you don't stop this direction you are heading in you are going to ruin your marriage. Anything that happened in her past relationships needs to stay in the past. 

Dragging the past up is going to ruin your present. Let it go.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Not vitriol. More like incredulity. It blows my mind what you are putting yourself through. And you just keep doing it over and over and over and over................................. it's hard to watch.


I face my demons until I have them beaten and on my leash.

It is a form of therapy that works for some people.

I am someone this works for but OP needs to make sure he is indeed subduing his demon while facing it and not the reverse.

Sometimes facing pain is the best way to overcome it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

The first guy I was ever with was enormous, and you'd never expected it because he was a little skinny guy.

He didn't know what to do to with it.

My hb is probably average but knows what to do with it.

No comparison.....that dude was a fraction of the man my hb is. 

Do you require the biggest breasts out there? Is bigger better?

You'll be much better off if you man up and make sure you know how to please your wife with what you have.

The insecurity is unattractive.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

When I was 17, I asked my GF this. It was not productive and I didn't like what I heard in her response. I have never asked again. I expect women I am with to know what they want and need in a partner. If they are with me, I expect I am what they want. 

Did your wife marry the large penis biker dude or did she marry you? That's your answer. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The time to ask these questions was before you married. All you're doing now is harassing your wife. Knock it off before she pulls the plug.
@Vinnydee, 
"Not one of the 20 women I had sex with"... Only 20? I'm gobsmacked, I tell ya. Gobsmacked.:surprise::wink2:


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


You already won that contest. She married you. Why do you want to repeat it?



CharlieParker said:


> Helpless? No, more like thankful, I feel I'm reaping the benefits of her promiscuity.


Exactly!

You are putting your wife in a very awkward position. She wants to be honest but she knows you are insecure and her honesty would hurt you. Get a handle on your insecurity or you are going to teach her how to be dishonest with you, and that's not good for marriage.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Sometimes facing pain is the best way to overcome it.


I agree, but you have to know where it is helpful and when it becomes pain shopping. The OP needs a guide because he is doing it all wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I agree, but you have to know where it is helpful and when it becomes pain shopping. The OP needs a guide because he is doing it all wrong.


Haven't read all his posts.

Hope he beats it. Screws everything up.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its really not true. Women can buy dildos in sizes from small to "you've got to be kidding" in sex shops / online. The most popular models tend to be roughly normal human sized. That's because for most women roughly normal sized feels best. 
'
Sure there are size queens who want enormous penesis, and some who prefer very small, but for most, normal seems about right. 



manfromlamancha said:


> snip
> - don't listen to all the stuff about size doesn't matter. It does feel better to honest women. But it is not necessarily the best.
> 
> snip!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

CanadaDry said:


> Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.


*Hell, no! I don't want to know one damned thing about them!

Out of sight ~ out of mind!*


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

browser said:


> Get a grip dude.





browser said:


> there are bigger problems here.


:toast:


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


Not me.

Seriously I can't fathom why you would feel helpless because of it.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Why ask? Can you do anything about it? It's not like you can get some medical procedure to get a bigger one. Even if there was, I don't really want some doc with a sharp knife cutting down there!

Same with women getting their lips trimmed. Why the HELL do they do it! More area to twirl your tongue around!

I've hit my wife's cervix a few times. INSTANT end to the fun as it is painful for her.

Go to the gym and work on getting abs, lose any body fat you can, that will give the best chance of getting length on your penis. At least then you will get the side benefit of being healthy.

The only reason I know as much as I do about my wife's past boyfriend is the abusive rapist POS messed her up in regards to sex. If your wife does not have any abusive baggage in her past, count your blessings and enjoy having sex with her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


Right here.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Personal said:


> :toast:





ConanHub said:


> Haven't read all his posts.
> 
> Hope he beats it. Screws everything up.


Personal you missed ConanHubs pun!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Cooper said:


> Personal you missed ConanHubs pun!


Thanks, it looks like I need new glasses!.

A tip of the hat to @ConanHub


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

CanadaDry said:


> Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.


Not me. I think most women I have been with or known have The one story about the anaconda in the pants. Doesn't bother me. I work at being a good lover by listening and asking questions not wishing for something that I don't have or couldn't have. 


Second if you know you have RJ talking about any of this is not going to help. You should be one of those who never ever under any circumstances discusses their past or ask about your partners. Others, myself included, can talk about this stuff and we genuinely are never bothered by it.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Point taken, all. I realize that my RJ is just a symptom of the underlying problem, which is I don't believe I deserve to be happy. So I've been sabotaging my relationships and I'm afraid I'm going to do the same to my marriage. I don't want to ruin my marriage, I genuinely love my wife. I've got to figure out why I hate myself so much and how to start loving myself. Easier said than done!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> Point taken, all. I realize that my RJ is just a symptom of the underlying problem, which is I don't believe I deserve to be happy. So I've been sabotaging my relationships and I'm afraid I'm going to do the same to my marriage. I don't want to ruin my marriage, I genuinely love my wife. I've got to figure out why I hate myself so much and how to start loving myself. Easier said than done!


You probably answered this already, but are you in counseling? IF so you really need to tell your therapist this. If not, you really need to get into some!


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

> You probably answered this already, but are you in counseling? IF so you really need to tell your therapist this. If not, you really need to get into some!


No, I'm not. My job recently changed and I'm waiting on new insurance to be available. I might be able to afford it without insurance, but not sure.

Oh and this is day 29 without any smokes at all! I think I've got the smoking cigars habit beat!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> I might be able to afford it without insurance, but not sure.


 This attitude isn't helping.

I quit smoking cigars 14 months ago. I know how hard it is so HUGE KUDOS TO YOU for doing it for 29 days!!!!!!!! You've got it licked. Just don't do what I did many many times and think "Oh, I can just have ONE'. !!!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Has RJ been a problem in all of your relationships? Or, is the problem du jour?

What have you done to cause you to hate yourself?

What have you done to make yourself believe that you don't deserve to be happy?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Here's the problem with your question, you said helpless. Feeling helpless about something in her past and something you could never control is ridiculous. I get it when people reconcile and there is infidelity involved, but not with past girl or boyfriends.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

CD,

As someone who has dealt with RJ on and off throughout my marriage I sympathize. My RJ is complex and involves deception but I can tell you I have never fanned the fire like you do. Of course it will never end if you do not stop with the ongoing interrogation. 

Get some IC and get a referral from a trusted friend if you can.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> Has RJ been a problem in all of your relationships? Or, is the problem du jour?
> 
> What have you done to cause you to hate yourself?
> 
> What have you done to make yourself believe that you don't deserve to be happy?


It's been a problem with almost every relationship I've had. I self sabotage and look for the worst to happen. Even my first marriage ending was 50% my fault. I was hard to live with and was much worse off than I am now. I've since gotten on several medications. I'm not angry or depressed anymore but that sense of self loathing has never gone away. I suspect that my sense of self loathing has to do with my being a social outcast in high school. And I had a horrible acne problem so it was easy for everyone to push me away. I'm sure that made me angry. And instead of lashing outwardly at others I tend to turn my anger inward and direct it against myself. As a teen and young adult I did a lot of self cutting. I've contemplated suicide in the past but my religious upbringing taught me that suicide is a sin and that I'd go to hell for it, so I've never actually tried to kill myself. Probably more information than you wanted to know, but there it is. If I knew how to get over the self hate I would. It's too bad they don't make a pill to make you love yourself.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CanadaDry said:


> It's been a problem with almost every relationship I've had. I self sabotage and look for the worst to happen. Even my first marriage ending was 50% my fault. I was hard to live with and was much worse off than I am now. I've since gotten on several medications. I'm not angry or depressed anymore but that sense of self loathing has never gone away. I suspect that my sense of self loathing has to do with my being a social outcast in high school. And I had a horrible acne problem so it was easy for everyone to push me away. I'm sure that made me angry. And instead of lashing outwardly at others I tend to turn my anger inward and direct it against myself. As a teen and young adult I did a lot of self cutting. I've contemplated suicide in the past but my religious upbringing taught me that suicide is a sin and that I'd go to hell for it, so I've never actually tried to kill myself. Probably more information than you wanted to know, but there it is. If I knew how to get over the self hate I would. It's too bad they don't make a pill to make you love yourself.


I repeat: GET INTO COUNSELING. It isn't a question of affording it. It's a question of, can you afford NOT to??? Read this as if it's a friend talking to you, and tell them what you think. Go on, DO it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You need to be in good IC with that history.


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