# I need a guy's answer please!



## Jackie83 (Jun 24, 2012)

I realize us girls have a view on things which is different, well obviously my methods aren't working out, please how do I fix things? I posted in the general thread, but I need your help so I reposted here.... When I first met my husband, I had never felt that way before. I'm still fully convinced I had never really been in love until we met. We are now hitting four years and I'm completely confused on how it is all gone. Some things are physical, he has gained weight, he doesn't really take me out anymore (only when there is something going on at his work and he brings me pretty much) and he isn't romantic. Some things are not really tangible like his habits have changed and seems to not want to engage with me if he just doesn't want to. He doesn't seem like he is unhappy with our marriage, he seems like he cares for me but I feel like I'm not worth his effort anymore. To make matters worse, there is a man at work who is in the same situation with his wife and he and I speak about it for support. At first it felt nice to have someone to relate to, but I'm not sure if he is looking for more. Just yesterday he sent me a text out of the blue, and not about work, just to see how I was doing. Most of me is very resistant to it, like I don't even want to get close, but there is a small part that craves passion again. I feel it's only natural to want to be pursued, but I how do I get that from my husband? The man at my work must want the same from his wife so bad as well, and like me, it feels so nice to be engaged by somebody rather than nobody. Bottom line, I want to fix what I have and not move on. How do I get out of this perfect storm?


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Eh, I posted on your other thread. Not going to post back and forth on crossposts.


----------



## *EarlyLove* (Jun 24, 2012)

I am not a guy but i feel you. Except i been with mine for almost 7yrs and feel very in love still...but it seems like the interest is gone and no effort in anything at all! in the begining i was chased by him all the time and was just a game of cat and mouse...im also trying and thinking of ways to make stuff better to have more excitement...it bothers me that i feel my world is getting darker and darker while to him its not a big deal!


----------



## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Well these are the preliminary stages of an EA that could eventually become a PA Do you want to stay in your marriage Jackie?


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Jackie, your starting an emotional affair (EA) with the man at work (OM). You are allowing yourself to get emotional support from him, because your not getting it from your husband. This is the first step to an affair and the end of your marriage. 

Do you want to continue down this road with the OM and destroy you husband, marriage and self respect? 

Or, do you want to work on your marriage to regain that love with your husband?

If you decide to try to work on your marriage, you must stop contact with the OM. He is making his move for you. He is getting his needs met by you and you are encouraging him by allowing the contact. His attentions are giving you the high that you not getting at home. You cant fill his needs and your husbands at the same time. There can only be two people emotionally involved in a relationship, not three. Read up on emotional affairs. 

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

Tell you husband how you feel about the marriage and what you need from him. Tell him also about how the OM makes you feel. He will get the gravity of the situation then. 

This book will show you both how a marriage should look and help you both back you spark.

"His Needs, Her Needs" by W, Harley


----------



## Jackie83 (Jun 24, 2012)

Anchorwatch, thank you so much. I will definitely check out that book. I have always been very open with my husband about everything except this. This the only thing he doesn't know about me and I've wanted to tell him but I thought he would just give up on us or just get super pissed. It's really my scream for help from him, I just want him to know how desperate I am for him. I actually have no physical attraction to this man at work, he would be a terrible match for me. Like you said, I am just craving emotional support. My husband is perfect for me, I just feel like he is just inattentive and unaware of how unimportant I feel to him. We have the same goals and desires for life, just things are derailed right now.


----------



## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

And get him this ->The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 | MMSL Primer | By Athol Kay | Married Man Sex Life

Sometimes you really need to scream out ( With words) for us to hear you

And don't discuss your marital problems with the other guy. Trust me, Jackie, this will bode ill for both your marriage and your emotional health


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

A marriage has ebbs and flows for both parties. Many things take our attentions and emotions, families, school, careers, illnesses...well you get, life in itself. 

A good marriage must be nurtured and tended too, for it to be a success. Do some of us become complacent? Yes. Is it normal? Yes. But if you don't recognize it and it's allowed to go on that way, it will fail. It's good you recognized the danger signs with the OM. That's is what happens when things are not corrected. 

I read your other thread. You mentioned your H may be solw to come around. Some times its hard to bring your partner to the realization of how far things got of track. One can get comfortable even in a bad marriage, because that's where they learned they can exist. I don't know you situation, but if you shake his foundation he will pay attention. That was me once. 

Read HNHN first, its an easy read and simple ides to put in place. Then speak to him. I did them on my own, then DW picked up on how things were changing and she wanted to join in. Good luck.


----------

