# Husband Not Interested



## LaurenWard (Jun 6, 2012)

We're young, 25 and have been together since we were in high school. My husband was never very into sex and it's been a constant struggle to get him to do it. I told him I'm unsatisfied and wish he would initiate sometime and he said "It's just never the right time." His excuse are that he's watching TV, has to leave for work soon, is hungry, is tired, doesn't feel well. It's been three weeks now, the longest we've ever gone. He says I shouldn't think about it so much. Sex isn't important to him and it shouldn't be so important to me. What is a healthy sex life? I thought it was one where the couple's needs are met - both people. Another thing, he hates kissing. I love it. During sex he pulls away from kisses and told me it's because he's tall. He's also told me he hates kissing, thinks it's gross. What am I supposed to do or think now? Do I just give up for the sake of our marriage? When we have had sex, he normally takes care of himself then walks away to clean up, then goes about his day. So even if I do get it, it's unsatisfying. How do I fix this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Was he like this before you married him? And no, as a guy I'd say it's not normal. But it might be his normal...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

That's horrible.

And no, you shouldn't have to put up with that.

Now -- everyone on here projects their own issues, so I'll project mine. This sounds just like my ex, who turned out to be gay. He was so closeted he had never even admitted it to himself, but he did this to me at every turn, including turning away in disgust when I wore sexy lingerie.

This is not about you, I'm 99% sure. But since you are stuck in it, be sure to go get some counseling to help you deal with this very difficult situation.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Statistics are something like 1 out of 5 guys is actually a lower drive individual, so while it may not be the usual, it does happen more than you might think.

So, you knew he was like this before marriage? What was his home life like? He seems to have a potential fear of intimacy, lack of understanding about its importance in a marriage, and worst of all, the lack of desire to accommodate you because it is important to you. Is he willing to try and work on this with you at all?

Would he be willing to go to counseling with you so you can discuss this with an objective third-party? If not, would you be willing to go on your own so you can make decisions about what would be the best way to proceed?

Best wishes.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Was he like this before marriage? If so, why did ya marry BEFORE taking care of this issue? 

Does he have a small penis? Is he overweight?

If he wasnt like this before marriage then check his computer history cuz it sounds like he may be into porn moreso than need be


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Lauren,

This is not YOUR fault!

Unfortunately, you've fallen in love and married a Low Drive (LD) person while you are a High Drive (HD) person. This is a typical mismatch and you'll see postings all over TAM about the frustration the HD person suffers and the damage it causes to their egos and self esteem (I'm HD and my wife is LD)

An issue such as this can lead in a number of directions. If you don't already have kids, I would think twice about it! You'll need to figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life like this or find someone who is closer to your own drive. I know it sounds shallow to say but think of what this is doing to you already


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

This is not about him being LD. The guy is not interested in sex at all and not interested in you at all either. Nor is this about lack of intimacy. Your husband is gay.

There is a minute chance that he doesn't like anything to do with sex or intimacy because he was sexually abused in some awful ways as a child. I say a minute chance because it doesn't normally turn out that the abused person dislikes any kind of displays/acts of affection or intimacy. Still, that could be your husband's problem.

Whatever his problem is, the only thing you can do is insist he get checked out by either a doctor or therapist. A doctor can determine if he has low testosterone levels. If he does, it would explain his lack of interest in sex on one level, but it wouldn't explain his dismal performance, lack of interest in you, or why he doesn't even like kissing. It may take a counselor to get to the bottom of all these other things, and you will finally know once and for all to free yourself from this misery.


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