# trying 2 figure this out....



## nicole8125 (Nov 17, 2011)

been with the same guy 4 over a year now, first one i i actually got enjoyment on going down on and the first guy i have ever let cum n my mouth and he is the first man ive ever swollowed. i enjoyed doing it but lately in my mind i c myself doing it but then when it comes down to it i slip n to my selfish i just want some sex. i feel bad cuz he used 2 b selfish but i can c. a change he is making effort twords making sure i am good wen it comes 2 sex. i dont want 2 b selfish when it comes to giving him head but i just wish while im giving him pleasure i can get some too. um is that being selfish? dont think 4 1 second i dont like pleasing him cuz i most def do. but lately i just been feeling kind of awkward when it comes to giving him head. hell i just feel like saying forget sex all together and going back 2 being abstinant. i feel super frustrated when it comes 2 this issue and idk y. what should i do?
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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi nicole ~

Well, how often are you giving him bj's without any reciprocation from him? Is he willing to do oral on you as well some of the time?

I think that it ends up getting old sometimes when it starts to become more one-sided or when it starts to just be an expectation. Do you think that either of those conditions applies to your situation?

Best wishes.


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## nicole8125 (Nov 17, 2011)

to answer your question, never!!! and considering i havent had that since july of last yer, i am ready. i have never been comfortable with really getting in to it with other guys do 2 not being comfortable etc.... but i am comfortable and ready to do it cuz it would b a whole new experience and all that. i dont wana make an issue outa it cuz he is finally coming outa his selfish ways with sex and i am so thankful! i just dont wanaa make him feel what he is doing isnt good enough. trying 2 think about it how i would feel if i were a guy. i do one thing to make u happy and now u are asking for smething else?
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## LoveMeTruly (Dec 13, 2011)

That is one of the two big factors on why I can't give my husband BJ's (the other is lack of control, I'm a freak about control, and him coming in my mouth is like- no, I can't control it!!!!). 

I'm so selfish about his cum. Sometimes I'll let him come on me (because it's fun to watch) but omg, I want nothing more than him to come *in* me. For me, it feels like an act of possession, so BJs just... do nothing for me. 

If he's not reciprocating, then of course you won't want to finish him and deny yourself pleasure. I *love* performing oral for my husband, but it's not the end all be all of a bedroom encounter for me. There needs to be give and take, and lots of variety. The hardest part of any relationship is talking- and in a way that you can listen to each other


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## nicole8125 (Nov 17, 2011)

i feel bad i wont talk to him so im just going to put it here. idk if it has something to do with me going to counseling now to y i just dont feel right anymore or what.. i dont no my body either truth b told i would never admit this but i want to no it. but in all honesty i want him 2 help me figure my body out. i feel really guilty bout this sex stuff i just want to give up on it. im NOT happy with my self when it comes to sex. i feel so enexperienced even though i have a toddler. i dont even no how 2 explain all this to him. i feel so lost n confused!!
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## LoveMeTruly (Dec 13, 2011)

:hugs:
I'm in a very similar place too. I started therapy for depression last month and I don't know my own body well at all. I would love for him to help me, but I feel like I ask him for so much already in the other parts of our life, I can't ask him for one more thing- especially something that is *so* emotionally tied. I feel so much shame- about a lot of things, not just lacking knowledge of my body, that I want to give up, too. If he doesn't care, why should I? I've always been very active in the bedroom, and to not know my body makes me feel very inexperienced too  
So, I'm not sure what advice I can offer, just that I'm in a very similar place, and that you are far from alone in this :more hugs:


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## misticli (Oct 28, 2011)

I have come to understand that everyone's version of a blow job can be different. I rarely bring my husband all the way with a blow job, firstly because he is done and I am would not be satisfied with not having sex. Secondly he can last a while and the jaw does start to hurt after a while. He does however get lots of oral, and I can tell you he does not dispute that's still a bj.

Why can't you do 69 or have him finger you while you are giving him a bj? I can see why you do not want it to be one sided. Why does he not go down on you at all? If I make something clear to my husband that if he does something more that i want, he will get more bj from me, he is all on board.


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## nicole8125 (Nov 17, 2011)

idk y he wont finger me. and as far as him giving me oral i dont no y he wont do that either. i have been so patient with him! i havent cheated on him at all, but i honestly dont no how much more i can take!! but then there would end up being more issues and it wouldnt b worth losing him over!! i love him with all my heart i just wish things would change!! i cant c myself with any other man in any kind of way, i just get so frustrated sometimes!!
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