# What to believe?? What to do??



## corpsebride (Jan 22, 2012)

I don't even trust my own emotions anymore.
Hubby says things - hurtful things. 30 years marriage.
There was an argument this weekend, that resulted in him saying: 
"Things aren't getting better, and I don't see them improving"
"I'm sick of arguing all the time - it seems like it's all we do"
"I guess I'm getting older and too set in my ways to change"
We are currently not speaking, but living together.
When I asked him where we go from here, he said we could just do the roommate thing for awhile, while we figure out what to do.
This is his M.O. - the way he fights.
He will approach me with "well....what do YOU want to do about it --- NO, I asked you first".....GAG
He will tell me he doesn't mean the things he says, and I shouldn't take them "that way".
He will tell me what a crappy communicator he is and he gets frustrated and doesn't think before he talks.
This leaves me usually believing him - as the man child who doesn't know how to communicate, so he reacts before he things.
I find myself knowing we will be back here in 6 months and he'll say some similarly rude things, days of not speaking, etc.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't feel like I can trust him, or myself, as to what either really wants to do anymore.
The "I am woman hear me roar" in me, says make him pay for being a jerk and kick him to the curb.
The "30 years of marriage is worth fighting for" in me, says you can never stop trying.
So confused and it's making me physically sick.
Chest pains, burning arm and butterfly anxious feelings in my stomach. 
He is sleeping peacefully and snoring loudly!!!


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

he seems to explain that he does want to be with you. i think he may be really stubborn. if this happens all the time, then it has become a way of life for you both. what do the fights start over? little things, or big things? do you say hurtful things to him when fighting? no doubt that 30 years is a long time and worth staying. if i made it 30 years i wouldnt give up. he is sleeping sound while your stressing about it. this must be a normal way of life and he thinks its all going to go back to normal so he is not worried. MC will help you find out why you are not getting along and whats causing all this.


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## corpsebride (Jan 22, 2012)

I would (would have) been open to marriage counseling, if he had suggested it. He just goes straight to "don't see any light at the end of the tunnel". I like to fix things, he likes to throw them away.
It's been a little over a week of roommate life. It has it's awkward moments and we have been very nice to each other, but without talking about where we go from here. 
Tonight I asked him how we proceed.
He said it's hard for him to stay here, because he is still "attracted" to me and maybe it would be better if we didn't see each other every day.
Then he said "sorry it ends like this" and he wishes he knew why "this" happened to us.
He confuses me so much. How can he say you don't know what went wrong, when I've told him the problems? His answer before was "Guess we've just changed, people change"
followed by "Guess I'm too set in my ways to change (to make it better/work on his anger, etc)
This is sooo tiring. 
Thanks for letting me vent!!!


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