# Pre-affair advise which you gave to your WS about cheating



## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

What you did pre-affair to forewarn your SO about getting into cheating/affair? 

I’ve pointed out lot of instance of few people who were cheating on their spouse. I also told my WS how their SO are going to be destroy if they came to know of their affair. 

I’ve even told my WW about the implication of a single woman and divorce, yet it looks like she never gave any thought to my advice and cheated !!!

All my efforts to fool-proof the marriage went to drains !!!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In my situation, there was no advice on that particular subject matter, disseminated either way. I do know that I was just far too trusting of STBXW.

Provided that there is "another time," then there will be a very rich discussion about it!


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

When my husband first started playing second life I told him to be careful. I told him I'd been playing such online games for years and sooner or later you're going to get lost in the game. You'll forget who you are and merge yourself with your in game avatar and start feeling what they feel. I told him to be sure to realize that you are never your character... 

Then I was PISSED when he went and fell in love with a girl in the game.. even for the week after I found out and kicked him out entertained leaving me and moving to be with her..

Cheaters never listen to advice if it doesn't fit in with the "fantasy" they fall into. No amount of advice or badgering is going to get a cheater to change their mind about what they are about to do. I know of many people who have SWORN they would never cheat.. and then did.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

My ex wife, with tearful eyes pleaded with me to just tell her if ever I became involved with someone else. That to lie, and to allow her to continue believing something false, was what her dad had done to her mom, and just wouldnt be able to stand it.

I told her how committed to her I was, that I wanted to grow old with her, she smiled.

Fourteen years later she out of the blue tells me she is not in love with me anymore. 
I type the search phrase "I love you but am not in love with you" in the yahoo search box and am directed to a story here on TAM. 
This was the first time I had any inclination to think something was going on.
As soon as I check the cell phone bill, and see pages and pages of calls all day long to the same ex-boyfriend, my world was crushed.

No chance at R. Even telling her that I thought to divorce was a mistake, and that her recent trip to the doctor for anxiety (wonder what for) had amounted to her getting a prescription for xanax. 

A few months go by, thinking that perhaps we would work it out somehow. But it was all a charade. She continued to msg him, then finds out he was a doosh, and calls up a different old boyfriend, who now lives in my house, and sleeps next to her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> As soon as I check the cell phone bill, and see pages and pages of calls all day long to the same ex-boyfriend, my world was crushed.
> 
> A few months go by, thinking that perhaps we would work it out somehow. But it was all a charade. She continued to msg him, then finds out he was a doosh, and calls up a different old boyfriend, who now lives in my house, and sleeps next to her.


Sorry to hear that, *Shoo*! Your story has a lot of similarities to mine. I know exactly what it is that you're going through!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

John

My wife told me before we were married that if I ever cheated on her I would never see my 3 children and she would leave me penniless.

It was not a threat but a promise.

I believed her then and I believe her to this very day.

HM


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> John
> 
> My wife told me before we were married that if I ever cheated on her I would never see my 3 children and she would leave me penniless.
> 
> ...


*Then you've got yourself a helluva wife there, Happy: one that's literally worth her weight in gold!*


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

With a kid involved, you never get a chance to get away from this person that wounded you so deeply. For me, being, the most important thing in my life was my family, even knowing my marriage was pretty crappy, I had always hoped eventually we would be able to get into a MC, and my wife would finally find out how much joy can be had by truly "sharing" in a loving relationship. You know, like those people that live in the Gobi desert, that have nothing at all, yet, find the internal power to laugh with their grandchildren, and knowing nothing more, are still content. How many of us fight to simply feel content these days.

It was a tidal wave that did not ask forgiveness, just crash and on its way.
In a period of six months, my entire life was changed, and there was someone else living in my house, pretending to be a cohesive family type unit,, despite the change of characters.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Then you've got yourself a helluva wife there, Happy: one that's literally worth her weight in gold!*


Yes Arb I do!


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I travelled a lot on business and she was always worried I would cheat. I had to check in with her frequently, which didn't bother me. We talked frequently about the boundaries I set while on trips with clients, coworkers and vendors of the opposite sex. 

Then years later after my travel calms down I find out she had multiple cybersex relationships going on behind my back. Words cannot express the pain.


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