# Before you decide to cheat...



## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

Perhaps this is the wrong place to post this since most here are already dealing with infidelity, but for those who haven't cheated yet and who someday are faced with this choice, here's what you should know.

One way or another affairs are found out. You think you might be able to get away with it. You think you're clever and sly. You think an affair will be fun and you'll be so full of yourself as you cheat on your spouse. You're so awesome getting away with it, right? You must be really something. 

Once you are found out, and trust me you will be found out, there's a very good chance that your marriage will end. If that's what you want, why not be honest and just ask for a divorce? Get out of your marriage and then you can have all the partners you want. Would it not be as much fun without the thrill of being a backstabber? Or maybe it's that you don't want a divorce. If you don't want a divorce, why would you even consider cheating on someone you supposedly want to stay married to? You either love them or you don't and cheating on them screams that you do not. 

If you want to be married to the person who you are going to cheat on, know this: If they don't leave you immediately, they will try to find a way out. Infidelity never makes a marriage stronger. You can try to work it out, beg to be forgiven, say it was a mistake, etc. What your betrayed spouse will know is that you are capable of being a liar, a cheater, a backstabber, and they'll know exactly how little you thought of them. They will never think the same of you. You will lose their love. You will lose their respect. Your marriage will never be the same. The best you can hope for is that they tolerate you. They will know your "mistake" was not a mistake at all, but a choice you chose to make. They will see you exactly for what you are. Their feelings for you will change dramatically. You will be nothing more to them than a person who trashed it all to have sex with someone else. You will have broken the heart of someone you said you loved. They will not believe a word you say ever again. Trust will be gone. Respect will be gone. You will be a cheater. Nothing more. Most likely they will leave you. Your marriage as you knew it will be over either way. Like you care.


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## wanttofixit (Mar 9, 2014)

Oregon Rose said:


> Perhaps this is the wrong place to post this since most here are already dealing with infidelity, but for those who haven't cheated yet and who someday are faced with this choice, here's what you should know.
> 
> One way or another affairs are found out. You think you might be able to get away with it. You think you're clever and sly. You think an affair will be fun and you'll be so full of yourself as you cheat on your spouse. You're so awesome getting away with it, right? You must be really something.
> 
> ...


as someone who cheated...yep, pretty much this. whatever your issues with your spouse are, find another way to address it. cheating just brings pain into the world, and for what?

i'd give anything to go back and just NOT DO IT. if you're even considering it, you're in a bad place and the smart thing to do is just stop, figure out what the issues are, and what the respectful way of dealing with them would be. i love my spouse but am apparently a masterful 'compartmentalizer' but frankly, even if you can't stand them, are hugely resentful, there is still zero upside to infidelity. it's a check in the 'negative' column that will absolutely eradicate any of the 'positives' you're proud of yourself for maintaining, there is no counterbalance to this behavior. man, don't do it.


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

Well said. Sorry if you're speaking from experience. Hugs!


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

I can never regain my honor. Such a high price to pay.Even though my marriage survived,I can never undo it.


55


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## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

Yes, I speak from experience as the BS. I think of what I thought we once had and so much was ruined because he had to cheat. So many important things are gone forever. We're divorcing, but before that there was the emotional trauma, his lost honor, his lost trust, his lost respect, all gone as far as I am concerned. It's such a shame. He regrets the affair, of course. So many do afterwards. Didn't stop him though. He didn't think he'd get caught. He lost a wife who once thought the world of him. All for what? His loss. I'm moving on.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Oregon Rose and the rest of the posters have done a very good job of telling it like it is.

Since this is a thread to help prevent cheating I will add some more facts. For those of you that have already cheated with children you may not want to read my post.

For those with children or those that are going to have children that are thinking about cheating::


*When you betray your spouse you also betray your children.* I have said this in previous posits and some jumped on me for my wording. However, I am not going to spare any words because we are talking about children being hurt and if we can prevent that then I will use any words that get the true message across.


*When you betray you will molest the emotions of the children!*

A child can since the terrible tension and in some cases pure hate between their mother and father. The children are not interested in hurt feeling, revenge, hate, and all that stuff that is going to happen when there is infidelity. What the children want is stability and security which are some of the building blocks for stable emotions.* The children see or feel their most stable rocks (Mom and Dad) being torn to the ground and also feel that it is their fault. * This can cause devastating emotional damage to children especially the young and even some teen agers.



*Have you ever seen young children and their emotional state when their parents are filled with hurt and rage?* Some have this hurt and rage last for years but damage can be done in just months. Can you image what years of this hate and rage can do to them?


So in addition to what Oregon Rose and the other posters have stated; remember when you cheat you are damaging the emotions and spirit of your children. You people that have not cheated I want you to know what will happen to your children if you do cheat. *I would rather you say how blunt I am now and not cheat than to hear your moaning and crying about how much you lost after you cheat when the consequences catch up to you and your children have been damaged.*


For those that have cheated already and have children you will have to endure the damage that you have done to your children and work extra hard and sacrifice to help your children for years to rebuild the damage that you have done to your children.

If you do every thing right and you are lucky then the damage can be greatly repaired but only after YEARS of rebuildimg. Cheating may satisfy you for a few minutes or even for a few months but then you will pay a very heavy price that you may never get over. Damaging an innocent child when they are so weak and vulnerable is almost unforgiveable.


*Is your sexual pleasure worth damaging your child?*


PS
I speak from experence


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