# Input wanted



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Just kicking things around. I know at this point in my life I am not ready for a relationship. But I am very lonely and I do not know what I want out of or from life. I have been active on a few on line dating sites and have had several dates. But for the most part these women, despite what they say, seem to be into developing relationships. So for the most part it is one and done.

OTOH, I am thinking I was in a marriage for 25 years and had accepted a very vanilla sex life, which was never completely satisfying. Early on the emotional aspect of making love was great and generally satisfied my need to feel close to my wife. Overtime however, she said and did many things that undermined even that. Things like telling me she didn't even think about making love or staying out with her girl friends instead of coming home the night before I was leaving for a trip or telling me I had five minutes because she had things to do or simply defaulting to duty sex with no passion from her. It became rote and routine with no emotional satisfaction at all.

Now I am free to explore my needs and wants. So I guess I am asking if I should? I don't want to do something I may regret, but on the OTOH I may regret not doing something when I can. Comments? Suggestions? Advice?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I suggest taking baby steps in exploring the areas of your life that you want to try or change. If you like it, continue on. If you don't, try something else.

It all starts with having self worth and boundaries. What you are and are not okay with. Keep in mind, that type of mindset also applies to those who you decide to allow into your life.

Simply put. Go try things out, but do so without using, abusing or manipulating others to obtain it.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I have found it simply impossible to have sex with a woman and not have her develop feelings and want more, regardless of what they initially say - same as you've experienced. I'm sure there are women out there that would be cool with a NSA sexual relationship, I just haven't found one. It's just part of the human condition.

That being said - go out and have some fun. Get your carrot wet. Just be prepared for the fallout - cause there always is one.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just tell them from the get that you are looking into casual relationships. They will either accept that or not.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Most women are geared towards wanting relationships... I think it's just the way that we're wired. Even so, I think there are some women out there who would be open to an NSA sexual relationship, though you might not find them on a dating website... in fact, I know there are women like that out there, because I am one of them. (It takes a lot to tie me down...) I know there are others, because a friend of mine has dated a few of them... ironically, he was the one who wanted a more serious relationship!

Honestly, I would tell you to look for a woman who is emotionally unavailable. You won't necessarily get the emotional support that you might want from a woman like that, because she won't be capable of giving it, but she'll be interested in getting her own physical needs met without the emotional entanglement.

If you want a relationship, emotionally unavailable is a bad thing, but if you just want sex, it can work.

And remember: be safe and get your regular check-ups


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FeministInPink said:


> Honestly, I would tell you to look for a woman who is emotionally unavailable. You won't necessarily get the emotional support that you might want from a woman like that, because she won't be capable of giving it, but she'll be interested in getting her own physical needs met without the emotional entanglement.


This is actualy EXCELLENT advice, FIP. :smthumbup::iagree:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> This is actualy EXCELLENT advice, FIP. :smthumbup::iagree:


Thanks


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Hmmmmm...I would say stay away from dating sites. I did the same thing and ran in to a wonderful (Dammit!) woman.

You may want to try a tastefully worded solicitation expressing exactly what you expressed above. Try AFF or the local personals. 
"Looking to expand and explore my sexual side."
I have found that if you ask honestly, the Universe will usually grant your request...unless it decides to hand you a grand joke.

The Universe and I are good friends, but I seriously think that it has the upper hand on practical jokes.


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