# My husband is depressed and I am afraid of him



## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

My husband is going through a depression. In the past it has lasted 2 weeks before he forces himself out of it. Well this weekend will be week 2 and I hope he will snap out of it. He is alcoholic. Recently he quit drinking but started again and quickly went into depression. He leaves in the morning and goes to a bar until mid afternoon then comes home drunk and crying and saying he gives up. He threatens he wants to quit his job. He has violently angry outbursts. 

Tonight he stormed out of the bedroom and I was afraid he was going downstairs to get something out of the kitchen to hurt me. I locked myself in the bathroom to sleep. He came upstairs. I finally had to come out. I went downstairs and he soon followed me. He came over to me and insisted I go upstairs. I told him he was scaring me. I watched him like a hawk when he went in the kitchen (he made himself a drink) just to make sure he wasn't picking up a knife or anything. He went upstairs.

I put clothes on and put my bag and keys in the car just in case I had to make a quick get away.

My husband doesn't want me to tell his family. The people at the bar can tell something is wrong, even though they keep serving him alcohol anyway. 

I am afraid to stay, but afraid to leave because I am afraid he might hurt himself. He is very private and warns me I should talk to no one about this.

What should I do???


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to tell his family. Then you need to get out of there. 

Your post does not mention children. Do you have any children living in the home?


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## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

I told his mother. She can't really do anything, but I think someone in his family needs to know. I told his doctor. He said he needs to go into rehab. Sometimes his mother seems upset at me. If I call her she is always busy and doesn't want to talk. I once apologized to her if I made her upset. Perhaps she blames me somehow and just wishes I would leave. They had no idea he had these issues. His drinking caused some health issues a few years back, and since he won't fess up to what is going on, the family kind of makes me feel that it is because he is with me. 

I really have nowhere to go. We live in a comfortable home. I don't work. I am just hoping he snaps out of this. I know he is suffering and needs mental help. When he is not drinking (he tried to quit in december) he is a great person.

It is almost 2:30 am. I am so tired. I don't trust him to fall asleep tonight.


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## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

no we don't have children. He has grown children


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Take a look at this. It might help. I don't know if it will but looks interesting.

https://secure1.securewebexchange.com/naturaclear.com/index.php


Acoholism is caused by probelms with brain chemistry. This seems like an interesting approach.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

If youre scared he will get a knife you had better be careful. Lock them all away at night. You cant just carry on like this. Speak to his doctor or anyone and tell them this.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

marriagesucks said:


> I really have nowhere to go. We live in a comfortable home. I don't work. I am just hoping he snaps out of this. I know he is suffering and needs mental help. When he is not drinking (he tried to quit in december) he is a great person.
> 
> It is almost 2:30 am. I am so tired. I don't trust him to fall asleep tonight.


Can you go to a shelter? It sounds like you are scared that he may hurt you if you're there, or hurt himself if you are not there. You can't control what he does to himself and you didn't cause this so therefore you can't cure it either. But what you can do is get yourself safe. Work with him from afar, let him know that you are there for him and will support him in his decision to maintain sobriety, but what he is doing is not working for him or you or your marriage. 

Did he try to quit because he knows he has a problem? Or did he try to quit for you? If he knows he has a problem, that's an excellent start and promising and if he can work from there, there's a great chance he will change, but he may have to see the consequences of his actions before he makes any real commitment to change.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

marriagesucks said:


> I am just hoping he snaps out of this.


People don't just "snap" out of being an alcoholic/violent/depressed. 

Talk to him and tell him you are concerned for his well-being and that he is scaring you when he is drunk and angry. Either he shapes up or you will ship out.

Why are you afraid he's going to harm you? Has he hit you before? Towards the end of my marraige with my exH I was sleeping with a knife by my bed cause he was acting nutty and threatening me. He would come up to the bedroom and satnd in the doorway and just glare at me. I was afraid. I ended up leaving. I do hope you take this matter very seriously. You need to set boundaries for him. If he doesn't not follow through, leave.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You need to leave ASAP!

You may end up dead if you don't. He's an alcoholic and probably doesn't remember and blacks out. Your husband is an angry man. Go to a battered woman's shelter immediately! I'm very serious!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

marriagesucks said:


> I am just hoping he snaps out of this.


This is never ever ever going to happen. You need to make plans to leave and don't come back until he has sought help for his drinking. This is a dangerous situation. Alcohol makes mental problems worse.


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## Happy_in_love (Feb 4, 2012)

I know you are scared of him,and you are probably just as scared of leaving. I also know you love your husband dearly bc even though you are unable to sleep because you are scared your still concerned about him. He needs help - you need to get help! He is drowning & you need to tell someone - he is clearly not in a healthy state ofmind right now - so you can't take him seriously if he asks you not to tell anyone. YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS!!!! Your instincts are screaming to you that you and your husband are both in terrible danger - somebody is going to get hurt. You need to take action! Get a doctor,contact any other family member that is going to take this seriously - and get him in to a rehabilitation facilty or mental hospital - do this with force if you have to. This might not sound very lovingly - but it is the right thing to do - you are getting him the treatment he needs & you are keeping yourself safe. It is clear that you are not in a position move (financially & because of your love for your husband) & moving into a shelter would still leave him in danger. Get him admitted into a facility that can treat his condition, they will be able to medicate him,and they do watch them at regular intervals throughout the night. This is the only loving & responsible option I see. That way you can protect him and yourself,and your concience will be clear.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Get the hell out now! That is primal instincts telling you he is dangerous. Listen to it! You can sort this stuff out after you are safe. 
You can not prevent him from hurting himself so don't stay in a dangerous situation for that reason. Go while you can!


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## seagoat (Feb 4, 2012)

Get out, yesterday!! And only go back when he has passed detox/rehab.

My father was like that, and I went through years of hell as a teenager. Oddly enough, my first husband was doing scary stuff, too. I would up leaving, fearing for my life. 

You cannot change him. It has to be coming from him, the desire to get dry. Perhaps you moving out will shock him into reality.

Be smart!


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