# Need advice for my alcoholic mother



## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

Sorry this isn’t relating to my spouse or marraige. I’ve got other threads on here about my marriage; I’m just stuck with where to go for help; please read-
Both of my biological parents are alcoholics. They are divorced from one another.

My father should be another thread. He recently was pushed and fell back breaking his leg last month. Due to him drinking and not able to handle him possibly losing his house and being in debt and not working. His stress is causing him to drink more.
I thought him being in the hospital and staying in a rehabilitation center would clean him up and he would stay on the right track – staying sober, he was eating and gaining weight again and looking good. Then last week they said he could go home. Not but a few days later, he started drinking again. I’m disappointed and worried about him. 

I’m actually hoping for some type of advice for my mother – she needs to have intervention or a big wake-up call thrown at her. She lives in another state from me. My half sister still lives at home at age 30 and is unemployeed. She calls me often and text me with what my mother is doing and saying to cause fights. My mother is mean and verbally abusive to everyone in the household. I don’t know where to suggest getting her help if my mother doesn’t want it. She follows family members around the house trying to cause fights. If my sister or step dad walk away and close the door to escape her, she follows them, banging on the door and broke my sisters lock on her door to get in. When she sobers the next day, she never apologizes. Her words are mean and very hurtful.
I’ve seen her overreact and explode or misconstrue a conversation. She’s always on the defense thinking people are out to get her. However, I do know that between my sister and step dad, they both stick together and treat my mother as an outcast which makes my mother more angry. My sister and step dad are close and do talk about my mother. I see that and see how much it sets my mother off.
On top of her drinking – I think she really needs some type of medication. But she does NOT believe in counselors and thinks that everyone is out to get her all the time.

I know that my mother is not happy at home, she is the type of person who takes care of everyone else and never takes the time to care for herself emotionally. So when someone turns away from her, she feels hurt and unappreciated. My sister is 30 and needs to move out and give my mother her home back. My sister does interfere with the household decisions and I know it aggravates my mother. She talks down to my mother. I think this feeds to the fire. 
My mother begins drinking early in the day. When I want to talk to her – I’m sure to call her by noon. After that she’s usually hard to talk to. She talks as if – everyone must listen to her and talks down to other people. It’s rude and disrespectful. She never is apologizing for her behavior.
I’m just wondering what it will take to get my mother help if she refuses and insists she doesn’t have a problem and also does not believe in counselors. Is there anyone out there that has dealt with a similar situation with a family member? How do you approach your parent about their drinking problem?

How do I tell my sister to get her $hit together and get on with her life and give my mother her own space? My sister has no desire or motivation to start her own life. Only to complain about it. She was fired from her job two years ago and since then has panic attacks and high anxiety. She expects her boyfriend to sweep her off her feet and ask her to marry him. I don’t see that happening as long as she stuck in her “I can’t” attitude.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Have you ever thought about getting your other family members together to do like an intervention type of thing? I would seek out a specialist, a counselor who specializes in drug/alcohol related issues, talk with them and see if they would be willing to help out with this intervention. 

The best thing for you to do and possibly other family members is to seek out local Alanon support groups for yourself.


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## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

Jamison said:


> Have you ever thought about getting your other family members together to do like an intervention type of thing? I would seek out a specialist, a counselor who specializes in drug/alcohol related issues, talk with them and see if they would be willing to help out with this intervention.
> 
> The best thing for you to do and possibly other family members is to seek out local Alanon support groups for yourself.


I'm out of state - I'll mention it to my sister. I've often thought of an intervention. Something has to change. My mother wont accept or take any part in help. she doesnt see the problem.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Because you and your family have been affected by her drinking the best thing you can do is get into Alanon. You can try an intervention, it may or may not work, but either way, you will need to take care of yourself, and no longer worry about what you can't change. If you are around her and she still drinks though you will need to set boundaries on what you will and will not tolerate from her.


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## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

trey69 said:


> Because you and your family have been affected by her drinking the best thing you can do is get into Alanon. You can try an intervention, it may or may not work, but either way, you will need to take care of yourself, and no longer worry about what you can't change. If you are around her and she still drinks though you will need to set boundaries on what you will and will not tolerate from her.


thank you. My step dad and sister both are calling me wanting advice. I'm so overwhealmed with everything here. I'll mention it to them both. Over the holiday my mother kicked my sister out and is not speaking to anyone. She's not admitting any of her wrong behaviors. Just pushing everyone away.
I have noticed her anger and temper are worse than they ever have been.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Readytogo said:


> thank you. My step dad and sister both are calling me wanting advice. I'm so overwhealmed with everything here. I'll mention it to them both. Over the holiday my mother kicked my sister out and is not speaking to anyone. She's not admitting any of her wrong behaviors. Just pushing everyone away.
> I have noticed her anger and temper are worse than they ever have been.


I hope you all stand your ground. You have to be tough sometimes, even though its hard. Take care of yourself.


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