# 3 years together, 2 1/2 years married, coming to an end



## GHarrigan1209 (Sep 29, 2021)

Hello everyone, please help. I married my high school sweet heart. When we first got together, we were in high school, I was her first boyfriend. After 3 years together, she broke it off to explore. That destroyed me, took me years to get over her, but I never stopped thinking about her.
Almost 20+ years later we reconnected, she already had 2 failed marriages, I never married. We started talking, then dating. Things were amazing. After a year and a half we got married. Again things were great. Just recently she has been very active on Facebook and Instagram. Messaging a lot of men, giving out her number so they can text. I found out she was talking sexually to some of these guys. I confronted her and she acted like it was no big deal. It’s only talking she said, I’m married to you. I told her it made me uncomfortable so she promised to stop. Well she didn’t so I confronted her again. Now she’s asking for a separation but I asking her to talk to me so we can work things out. To see a counselor or therapist. She refuses to. She is asking to to move out. I asking her to fight and not give up on us and throw away everything we have worked for. Every time to try to talk to her about anything, I get I don’t know.
Is it already over??


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@GHarrigan1209 , 

My very best advice to you, after being on this board since the dawn of time, and being on another board before that, is to stop trying to get her to "pick you." They call that "doing the Pick Me dance" because essentially what you are communicating to the cheating person is that THEY are the prize/reward someone gets if the cheater "picks them." You have more value than that. Love yourself more than to let someone treat you like that. Your wife voluntarily made a VOW to you that she would "forsake all others and cling only to you" and it wasn't you that made her break that promise. It is REASONABLE for you to expect a partner in your life who will honor their promises and treat you kindly. This isn't kind. 

Next time she asks to move out, instead of doing that ol' "Pick Me Dance" just say, "You know, I agree with you. You should move out. I love myself more than to let my life partner sneak around with other men behind my back and commit adultery. If you're not willing to stop behaving like that, I'm not willing to have you in my life. So pack your things and be gone by this time tomorrow." Then walk out of the room and move her stuff out of your bedroom. Just...move it out. 

She will likely be jaw-dropped and then try to argue, but just ignore that and let her move out. Meanwhile, you can start reading about The 180 U-Turn. You don't have to be mean to her or yell at her. Just don't accept anything less than an honest, open, kind, loving partner. You are worth it!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

GHarrigan1209 said:


> Hello everyone, please help. I married my high school sweet heart. When we first got together, we were in high school, I was her first boyfriend. After 3 years together, she broke it off to explore. That destroyed me, took me years to get over her, but I never stopped thinking about her.
> Almost 20+ years later we reconnected, she already had 2 failed marriages, I never married. We started talking, then dating. Things were amazing. After a year and a half we got married. Again things were great. Just recently she has been very active on Facebook and Instagram. Messaging a lot of men, giving out her number so they can text. I found out she was talking sexually to some of these guys. I confronted her and she acted like it was no big deal. It’s only talking she said, I’m married to you. I told her it made me uncomfortable so she promised to stop. Well she didn’t so I confronted her again. Now she’s asking for a separation but I asking her to talk to me so we can work things out. To see a counselor or therapist. She refuses to. She is asking to to move out. I asking her to fight and not give up on us and throw away everything we have worked for. Every time to try to talk to her about anything, I get I don’t know.
> Is it already over??


What we have here is a man that obviously have not self respect for himself, and is trying to hold onto something that never existed (her love for you). She's a flake, she used you before and has been using you now. And you are acting like a pathetic man that is trying to hold her at all cost. Dude: by know at your age you should know that that when somebody tells you is over and that they want their freedom IS OVER, have some self respect and dignity. GIVE HER HER FREEDOM. Tell her goodbye, don't let the door hit you in the way out.

The moment she told you that the first thing that you should had done was to immediately go to a lawyer to check were you stand legally to get out with the minimum amount of damage to you financially and otherwise. Get your ducks in a row and kick her out of your life. Please, don't tell me that it's because you "love her", because love has nothing to do in your situation. 

YES, IT's OVER. She has sense that you are a weak individual that is allowing her to disrespect you and the marriage as a sign that she can continue to do what she wants while she gets her ducks in a row. Once she does that she will dump you, just like the first time. Be smart, proactive, and decisive and kick her out. The longer you wait the worse will be for you, and still the outcome will be the same= she leaving you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GHarrigan1209 said:


> Hello everyone, please help. I married my high school sweet heart. When we first got together, we were in high school, I was her first boyfriend. After 3 years together, she broke it off to explore. That destroyed me, took me years to get over her, but I never stopped thinking about her.
> Almost 20+ years later we reconnected, she already had 2 failed marriages, I never married. We started talking, then dating. Things were amazing. After a year and a half we got married. Again things were great. Just recently she has been very active on Facebook and Instagram. Messaging a lot of men, giving out her number so they can text. I found out she was talking sexually to some of these guys. I confronted her and she acted like it was no big deal. It’s only talking she said, I’m married to you. I told her it made me uncomfortable so she promised to stop. Well she didn’t so I confronted her again. Now she’s asking for a separation but I asking her to talk to me so we can work things out. To see a counselor or therapist. She refuses to. She is asking to to move out. I asking her to fight and not give up on us and throw away everything we have worked for. Every time to try to talk to her about anything, I get I don’t know.
> Is it already over??


Just divorce, man.

Here’s something her two previous ex-husbands have likely already figured out —

She’s not marriage material.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sorry you are here but to be honest those two failed marriage should have been two major red flag....but you married a serial cheater.... I would tell her to leave


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

You are not the one who needs to "fight" for this. She is the one who should be fighting for it. But she gets validation from other men. You are making yourself pathetic in her eyes. Stop wimping out. 

Lawyer up and file.

If she gets her head out of her ass, then it can be stopped. If not, you are getting out of infidelity much quicker.

She ain't a one man woman.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

GHarrigan1209 said:


> Ok


A user named Reginald mentioned that you can contact him for marriage counseling. I suggest you not do that. If you do contact him as he has not been vetted by our staff. This forum does not allow random people to solicit business here until they are vetted by the parent company and do what our staff requires for that person to get a vendor tag.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

GHarrigan1209 said:


> *she already had 2 failed marriages,* I never married.


Are you kidding? Huge red flag. this kind of thing should never be ignored. 

Let me guess she's got kids that you are supporting? Should have stayed never married. Sounds like she goes through guys like water. She craves attention. When she picked you out she remembered the nice-guy who'd treat her like a queen. You were likely selected as a Provider. You start paying for her and she's spending your money out of the gate. Damn you don't realize what is going on man. From her pov, it has nothing to do with Love the way you define Love.. she doesnt love you the way you love her. For her, its what you can do for her.



GHarrigan1209 said:


> I never stopped thinking about her.


 That's called Oneitis. Its a sickness that nice guys usually contract.. This is why she dumped you the first time around.



GHarrigan1209 said:


> Messaging a lot of men, giving out her number so they can text. I found out she was talking sexually to some of these guys.


 WTF kind of wife/gf is that. Lack of respect.. this is what being a nice guy got you.

She's likely getting bored now with your steadiness and predictability. *Dude learn the game*. Rational Male youtube vids and book, *get red pilled amigo.* Tyle the Fiend -- youtube. Book -- the predatory female by rev shannon. Buy it. read it.

Dang!!!!! Get with the program.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The truth? It was over before it ever started. Move on.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

GHarrigan1209 said:


> That destroyed me, took me years to get over her,


Why? You should always put yourself first. It's all made up in your head. 
I hope you didn't tell her how you loved her all these years, have been pinning for her, and how the two of you were soul mates meant to be together. Because if you did anything of the sort, your strength meter plummetted in her eyes. 


GHarrigan1209 said:


> It’s only talking she said, I’m married to you


Her majesty honored you with marriage whilst she pursues her old bfs who treated her like sh+t. The guys she's talking to are likely past sex partners. How much do you know about her activities over those 20 years?


GHarrigan1209 said:


> I asking her to talk to me so we can work things out. To see a counselor or therapist. She refuses to. She is asking to to move out. I asking her to fight and not give up on us and throw away everything we have worked for. Every time to try to talk to her about anything, I get I don’t know.


 You are using reason and logic while she's responding with emotional reasoning. this is why communication is impossible with her. On the bright side, she wont cost you too much to get rid of. She's probably got another sucker already lined up that's why she's willing to separate. Has she physically cheated on you. Its certainly within the realm of possibility.

This is up to you to man up. this isn't a romantic comedy dude where the love of your life returns after 20 years after she realizes she made the greatest mistake of her life. This is real-life modern reality. Put yourself first!


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