# Maybe I'm just not cut out for marriage....



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

So life is as it should be, I'm back to work and the Mrs. is home with the kids. 

Now, I realize that today is the 4th, and its special and all that, but dammit, I'm tired. I worked my butt off at the plant yesterday, and my whole body feels like it's on fire. So yeah, when I got up this morning, I wanted to enjoy my holiday with a beer and some video games. 

This, of course, does not sit well with the wife, who'd been planning all sorts of outdoor activities for us. Barbecue, slip-n-slide, kids, all that fun stuff.

I can see her point...she wants me to do more stuff with the family. But guess what? The 60 hours a week I work at the plant? THAT IS WHAT I DO FOR MY FAMILY. Why is that so awful? 

When I was a kid that's how it was. My dad worked construction, he came home and watched football and we all knew not to disturb him because he's fulfilled his obligation to his family and is now on "Daddy-Time". Where's my daddy-time? 

Sure, there are lots more involved parents ,and I applaude them, but that's not me, and it never will be. But why isn't what I am enough? 

I worry that I will never be enough for her. Even if she could put a leash on me and lead me around all day to every activity she wanted, and then I never slept so I could do little things for her all night, she still wouldn't be satisfied and would always be craving more. 

In the end I feel like that's what will kill us - not her infidelity, and not my laziness. Simply that fact that I do not have enough to offer her of myself.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I sounded a lot like you. 

Until I found myself in a new area without a single friend, with strained relationships with my children, and a failed marriage. Lemme tell ya... you better get off the pot and find a way to show them love in the WAY they need to see if you want them to be there for you. Once you lose 'em, it'll never be the same. 

Cut back on your hours, if necessary. THEY are more important than the fact that you feel tired today. This is a convenient excuse for blowing them off.


----------



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> I sounded a lot like you.
> 
> Until I found myself in a new area without a single friend, with strained relationships with my children, and a failed marriage. Lemme tell ya... you better get off the pot and find a way to show them love in the WAY they need to see if you want them to be there for you. Once you lose 'em, it'll never be the same.
> 
> Cut back on your hours, if necessary. THEY are more important than the fact that you feel tired today. This is a convenient excuse for blowing them off.



And honestly, when I hear that, I hear "Quit your job, let your wife go back to work, so you can be at everyone's beck and call all day." It's not going to be both.


----------



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

I feel I should add the fact that I got this job FOR HER because she was having a terrible time at work (in no small part due to the fact that no one respects her because all know what a skank she is...she slept with half the guys there!), and at my new job I get to work with like 3 of the guys she was sleeping with. I could've just refused to take the job and said suck it up, but I didn't. I'm pretty sure that means she never, ever gets to ***** at me again for anything.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

You're quite a prize yourself! 

Since you don't seem to value her and your family much, where do you think your marriage and your happiness level will be five years from now if you don't change a thing? 

I am not sure where you get "quit your job" from my last post. I said cut back on hours. In other words, ACT like your wife and your marriage make your priority list. You once promised that, remember?

"to love and to cherish..." While I know that you're busting ass to bring home a check, the reality is that it is not going to make her feel cherished. Honestly, you're not cherishing anyone with that. You're doing your duty, yes, which is admirable, but it's not for HER and her alone. It's for you and your child(ren) as well, as often couples argue about how it's spent, for that matter. Hardly a way to make her feel loved. But then, calling her a skank on top of your original post says volumes.

It's your life. Live it as you will. With your current attitude, I'd agree... maybe you really aren't cut out for marriage. Too bad you didn't recognize it before you said "I do." Now you can look forward to a happy divorce instead.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> she slept with half the guys there


And you wonder WHY you're not exactly thrilled to play family man.

If you were happier with her, with your life and with your marriage you probably wouldn't mind so much.

Just saying.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Okay, so you decide your not cut out for marriage because your want more time alone for yourself and you get a divorce. You move into your own place and think, "wow, all the daddy time I want!" No, you will probably have to work the same hours or more to pay child support and maybe alimony. On the weekends you will have the kids all to your self to feed, bath, entertain without any help. So much for more daddy-time.


----------



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> I can see her point...she wants me to do more stuff with the family. But guess what? The 60 hours a week I work at the plant? THAT IS WHAT I DO FOR MY FAMILY. Why is that so awful?


Lemme ask you a question: What if your wife took the same approach? What if she said, "Hey, I WORKED by taking care of the kids and the house for 60 hours, so it's *MY* turn to have *ME* time today? 

And if any of the kids came to HER after the 60 hours she already put in, she could simply send them away from her...right? Hmm...

It's EASY to be single. You get to work that 60 hours, come home, leave your socks on the floor, crack open a brew (...or 4...or 10...), and park your behind in front the t.v. for the next few _days_. You can toss your empties on the kitchen floor when you're done with them. You don't have to do ANYTHING for or with ANYONE. All of your spare time belongs to you and all you have to care about is _your own _happiness. You wouldn't be considered 'selfish' because there's no one else's happiness to be concerned about _EXCEPT_ your own. 

But as soon as someone else enters your little world, you have to have the maturity to know to _tone that sh*t *down*_! _You_ may have no problem living with your empties on the kitchen floor, but if your wife happens to walk into the kitchen, she might slip on some of the beer spilled onto the floor. You have to have the presence of mind to know this and to do something about it, without becoming irate or otherwise irritated about how you can't be "yourself" while living with _her_. 

It takes two mature people to be married. They both have to understand that they're voluntarily giving up some of their time in favor of spending it with their family...even I they DID work 0 hours what week. 

It's fine to want what you said: *A* beer and to watch *some* video games. But to feel any kind of resentment that you can't spend ALL or MOST of your spare time of yourself, then I'd agree that you probably aren't 'cut out' for marriage. 

Did you have this attitude BEFORE she had her affair?

Vega


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Sorry i'm confused... :scratchhead:

When did your wife sleep with all these men? And did you know she was, in your words a 'skank' before you married her?

And you took the job so she can't [email protected] at you again?

:scratchhead:


Wheres the love dude? I think *love* might be the missing ingredient here!


----------



## wife1981 (Jul 5, 2013)

oh no. So I will just say that you sound like a very big jerk. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but really? You bringing in a paycheck is extremely important, it is hard work. It is also hard work to be home with the kids all day. You both are working hard. When holidays like this come along, you want to take advantage of family time. Drink your beer and have fun with the family. When you are done playing, sit down and have a nice lunch. I know it's hard, you just want to sit and relax. So, if you sit and do nothing, and she sits and does nothing....who takes care of the kids? You both are working hard. I wonder how she would feel if she knew you called her a skank? I doesn't seem like you have much respect for her. I feel sorry for your family. I'm a stay at home mom of two and my husband has been deployed for almost 2 years. Should I yell at him and tell him he needs to come home bc I want to sit and drink my wine? Now doesn't that sound heartless. I think you need to count your blessings. You have it all right now, and you can end up all alone very fast.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Now wait a minute, I think you guys are being too hard on the man.

Was I the only one that noticed "her infidelity"...so he's saying she cheated on him right? Don't have time to look up if he posted on this, but come on.

It sounds like he still resents her from the infidelity. And that BS about my husband or spouse wasn't paying attention to me, drove me to someone else's arms is just that...BS. There are many times I haven't gotten the attention I wanted and I haven't had an affair. 

So maybe he still does resent her and doesn't want to play the dutiful father and husband and spend his day off trying to pretend to be happy.

Doesn't he have the right to not be happy too? Doesn't he have the right to have some downtime?

He's working with men his wife slept with, he's working his butt off so she can stay home and you guys are giving him grief?

Hell he deserves an award for still being there considering she sleeps around (according to him).

Give him a break, sounds like the wife should be kissing his butt that he's still there.


----------



## yours4ever (Mar 14, 2013)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Now wait a minute, I think you guys are being too hard on the man.
> 
> Was I the only one that noticed "her infidelity"...so he's saying she cheated on him right? Don't have time to look up if he posted on this, but come on.
> 
> ...



I second this. 
How can he want to spend time her after what she did...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I see this as an exhausted man simply venting.

Let him vent. It will relieve some of his stress.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

do you want to stay married to your wife? what's in it for you? why are you still hanging on to a cheating woman?

My husband works probably around 60 hours/week, too, so take care of all of the housework. But, when he's home on weekends, he tries as hard as possible to spend time with me and the kids. Sometimes we have to do stuff, like family get togethers, and he tried to get to the boys baseball games, but if he holed himself up in a room playing video games on the weekends, I'd be resentful, because I'd want me and the kids to spend time with him.

Maybe you don't want to be with your wife and kids because you don't like them. The wife you can divorce, but as the other poster said, you'd have the kids all to yourself on the days you have custody of them. Although you shouldn't stay married to avoid having to watch them all by yourself.

Good luck. You don't sound happy, especially with the skank comment.


----------



## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So - how indeed was your relationship with your father who couldn't be bothered spending any time with you? I mean, regardless if your wife is a "skank" - do you care about your kids? Do you want your kids to know you care about them? Or are your kids just an inconvenience to you? 

Reading from another thread, is part of the issue here that these kids aren't yours? 



> Give him a break, sounds like the wife should be kissing his butt that he's still there.


So - should the kids be kissing his butt too? What do you tell the kids - Sorry, Mom's a skank and I resent her, so hell with you, I'm watching football?


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I see this as an exhausted man simply venting.
> 
> Let him vent. It will relieve some of his stress.


I don't see the word infidelity in the OP, and believed he'd married a woman who happened to be promiscuous at one time. IF she cheated, I can definitely understand that he would feel resentful and even hostile, but this doesn't give him a license to abandon his children's relationships with him.

Also, if he dislikes/resents her that much, he needs to be filing for divorce!

But what I see is a selfish guy who doesn't have the maturity for marriage.


----------

