# Divorce



## stumped (May 16, 2008)

So I saw a lawyer today and I am trying to be fair an rational about assets etc. She says I am being too nice....

We were married 7 years he makes ALOT more money then me...the profession I work in was for his benefit because it helps supports one of his "hobbies". 
How do you decide what to go after and what not to??


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

I would say go for the things that mean the most to you. Anything that may have sentimental value to you that you want to hang on to. Anything that you brought to the marriage when it started should be yours, and anything he brought into it should be his. If he had a chunk of change in a savings account before you were married, I personally would not go for that. I would go for whatever you brought in together. Any savings that you both contributed, any retirement funds, stocks, assets that were obtained while you were together are fair game in my opinion.

Legally you have rights to half of everything from what i understand, but if you dont feel that is what you need or want...just make sure you are ok with it and wont have regrets later. 

If you and your soon to be ex husband can sit down and communicate, then you should be able to come up with a pretty good idea of who wants what, then go from there.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

"...what to GO AFTER???"

that's sounds a little vidictive. do you REALLY want to be "fair and rational?"


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

the lawyers will make it messy.
thats their job. the longer the issue goes on the more money they get. leaving you more out of pocket.

personally if you can be amicable, i suggest get together with your EX and discuss quickly. 

if you cant be amicable - a suggestion - you have half the house .
or let him buy your half out. 
dont go after the family pet if there is one. let him have it. 
as for other stuff in the house, just make it easy for eachother.
if he bought something, dont fight over it, its his and what you bought is yours.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The lawyer is paid to look out for your best interest and often times it can get messy because his will be doing the same. My ex and I used a mediator...we met with her a few times and talked through everything, she wrote it up and we gave it to the lawyers.

I would think all assetts acquired in the last 7 years shoud be split 50/50 as far as fair goes. Again, it's best if you are still on speaking terms, to have a civil discussion with him and come to an agreement. One example is 401k. My ex and I each had our own. In some cases they are cashed in and split...since ours were nearly worth the same amount we agreed to each keep our own to avoid penalties (which are very high) for cashing out early,


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## stumped (May 16, 2008)

voivod said:


> "...what to GO AFTER???"
> 
> that's sounds a little vidictive. do you REALLY want to be "fair and rational?"


Believe me I am farrrrrrr from vindictive. If I were to take HALF of everything all of our assets, savings, retirement etc that were all ACQUIRED during our marriage (he had less to nothing when I met him) it would be around the $200-$250K mark. I was content with just getting enough to pay off my car ($30K) and signing off on everything else. Everyone thinks I am being too nice......

I didnt want half of his 401K but everyone (family, friends) all say that I should get half. I have no retirement or 401K of my own because of the job I am in do support his hobby.


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## stumped (May 16, 2008)

justean said:


> the lawyers will make it messy.
> thats their job. the longer the issue goes on the more money they get. leaving you more out of pocket.
> 
> personally if you can be amicable, i suggest get together with your EX and discuss quickly.
> ...


I guess I was referring to more "big" assets then furniture. We are amicable as long as money is not part of the discussion. He is still in the house (I moved out). The house is on the market but no interest because of the market and its a pricey house. I took the family dog......he didnt want him. The furniture and stuff we already seperated when I moved out. And I was more than nice with that as well....I left him a fully functional kitchen...I left the dishes, silverware etc. which is all stuff I had to get for myself. 
I am struggling to pay my rent and utilities while he is hiring a cleaning service etc. Where is the fairness in that?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

stumped said:


> Believe me I am farrrrrrr from vindictive. If I were to take HALF of everything all of our assets, savings, retirement etc that were all ACQUIRED during our marriage (he had less to nothing when I met him) it would be around the $200-$250K mark. I was content with just getting enough to pay off my car ($30K) and signing off on everything else. Everyone thinks I am being too nice......
> 
> I didnt want half of his 401K but everyone (family, friends) all say that I should get half. I have no retirement or 401K of my own because of the job I am in do support his hobby.


thanks. that information is crucial in giving an opinion in your matter.

why do you want any more than you were originally "content" with? did "everyone" convince you that you were being "too nice?"

i don't think there's a place called "too nice." it's kinda like "too rich."


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

im afraid there is no fairness in divorce.
you are being too nice with the 30K.
if the house is on the market, move back in, he doesnt have a choice. its yours too until its sold.
any solicitor over here wil tell you dont move out. it wil save you rent. 
if the house is a pricey house, am i assuming its a large house. you can have your own quarters to live in.
if he had less than you when you met him. he has built up what he has got with and through you. 
like you say the job you have supports his hobby. so there is your answer you supported him to ensure a good standard of living. 
he couldnt have done it without u.
i think you should go for the half. 
you wil end up with nothing and be very resentful that you let it go so easily.


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