# Advise Needed



## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

My husband and i have been separated one year now. He has had a gf for about 8 or 9 months. I feel like i am obsessed with her, how he treats her and it ids keeping me from healing.
Everything I complained about, everything I wanted (and these things I wanted to help me heal after the PA) he gives her, along with so much more! Her pictures are all over his Instagram and FB, its like he is so proud to have her and show everyone how in love they are. I was his wife for 5 years and it was like i was a secret. 

I have read all the articles about how it is the honeymoon stage (but again, its been almost a year and they are sooo happy together) and that based on his past relationships, that he will not be the prince he is now with her for long, and how i shouldnt even worry myself with her or how he treats her.


I feel like this keeps me hurting. While dealing with his constant anger, his constantly doing things to try to hurt me, his neglect of our son- it is just overwhelming at times

I have read that maybe he regrets his decision to leave and thats why he is so angry, that he works harder with the gf to make it work to keep his pride intact, that he is Secretly miserable.....I am beginning to wonder if people tell me these things out of pity - do they just feel bad to see me being humiliated the way that I am when I dont even bother this man?

We rarely talk, havent spoken to him in 3weeks. he came over yesterday to see his daughter who lives with me, I stayed upstairs and didnt even see him. Most times I feel so much stronger, feel like I will be ok, I have gone back to school, I have wonderful friends, I have not started dating yet but I dont feel constantly lonely. Yet everytime I feel I can get through this I wake up in the morning and feel like he just Left!!!!!

When will this end? What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel like I will NEVER get over this?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Your focus is entirely on him and his activities.

As long as that is the case, you won't heal.


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## Can't believe it's over (Oct 6, 2012)

When ever I start thinking about my STBXH for ANY reason, I give myself a mental slap across the face. He chose to leave me and our marriage. Someone on here told me something that I think about all the time... He chose not to be with me, so he gets NONE of me. That includes my thoughts as well. I know it is hard, but for your sanity you have to stop yourself from having these thoughts. Put a rubber band around your wrist, every time you think of him or the situation snap the rubber band and tell yourself to STOP IT. It will get better. Like Conrad said, stop focusing on him. Focus on you and your child.


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

I dont know why that is so hard but I will constantly remind myself of that - I will NOT focus on him!!!!!!!!!


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Stay away from his FB page too. Just one look at that could set you back for days. He's a dope who did not appreciate what he had. He'll find out the grass is no greener....but his pride won't let him admit it. 
I predict that once you start dating he will fade more and more into the background of your mind. He cheated on you, so he's not worthy of your time or trouble.
And as for his girlfriend, she got a man who's a cheater; that is no prize.


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## fivewastedyears (Jun 10, 2012)

Yes! I learned that the hard way. After checking his Instagram, I was in a bad mood the rest of the day!
I know from his daughter that the grass definitely isn't greener but he has talked soooo bad about me to his family and friends that he would never "eat crow" as someone said. 
I do notice though that even when I get myself riled up about him, it does not take me days to recover like it used to. So, in some small way I am making progress.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Well in my case I don't even want to see who my ex is dating (cheating on me with). I'm afraid what I might do. So I can understand where you are coming from. Nothing you can do, but put it out of your mind.


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