# Messed up by lying



## lady2009 (Oct 2, 2013)

Hi am hoping you guys can help me out with some advice. we were struggling a few months back to cover our childcare costs, so i went and took out a small loan ( under 500). But i didn't tell my husband. 
I then lied about another small loan recently (200) as we had no money. 1 has been paid off and the other is due to be paid off in a few weeks. 
He has flipped out at my lies and deceit and won't look or talk to me. I have written him a letter in the hope he will read it but i don't hold out much hope. 
We are due to go away this weekend and he has said he will go with our daughter and leave me behind as i don't deserve to go. i get he is mad but i need to try and get him to understand why i did this. 
I know i have done wrong by lying so please so tell me that- i know where i went wrong i just want to put it right! we have only been married 17 months and together 7 years. we have a daughter who is 4. I am worried he will leave me and take her with him. How do i put this right!!!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... My first thought on reading this is that we're not getting the whole story, and until we get that, any help will be really really limited. And likely useless. 

Why didn't you tell him about the loans? And is this the first time you've mislead him on something?

C


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## lady2009 (Oct 2, 2013)

Sorry- ok he's been stressed out at work and I figured if I could get this all sorted without adding to the stress then that would be good for him- obviously what I didn't do was to think of what would happen when he found out. It was a situation that once I started I felt I couldn't tell him, he gets stressed about money very quickly so I felt it best to try and sort it. 

And no I have never done anything like this before. I haven't ever mislead him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lady2009 (Oct 2, 2013)

I did however lie about it as I felt if he knew he wouldn't understand why I did it. We had to pay the childcare or we would have lost the carer
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

did you tell him that the childcare was due?

or did you just make a unilateral decision?

how are you guys going to avoid that in the future? 

why were you short in the first place?

once you start down the road of lying it just gets easier and then before you know it you lying about all kind of stuff because its easier than having the tough talk.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

lady2009 said:


> He has flipped out at my lies and deceit and won't look or talk to me.
> 
> I am worried he will leave me and take her with him.


When this is the type person you are dealing with lying seems like your only option.

From my vantage point from what little you've posted he put you in a no win situation.

But I'm just guessing.

Not enough info to know for sure.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

How did you get to the point you couldn't afford the childcare in the first place? Did you overspend one month? Are you always kind of just barely making it? Who manages the finances in your household?


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## jac70 (Sep 7, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> did you tell him that the childcare was due?
> 
> or did you just make a unilateral decision?
> 
> ...


:iagree


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