# MIL confronted me & DEMANDS Divorce



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I am shocked, mad and humiliated.

A bit of background: 
My STBX is Muslim and MOST marriages in their family are still arranged. Women can convert, but technically forcing a woman to do so is a big no no, and a sin.
Muslim men can marry a woman who believes in "the book".

I am not religious so it was important for him to understand that I would never convert, to any religion.

Throughout our marriage I have been treated differently by his family, sometimes even very rudely. I even had someone get in my face once, who I VERY quickly put in her place.
When we got engaged some people asked if he was sure instead of congratulating us, or asked if I was pregnant!
I was not allowed to attend certain functions (where his family was still trying to find him a bride!)

But my STBX had a very rocky relationship with his mother and I saw a lot of anger (disproportionate) and disrespect. There were times where I put him in his place regarding this, I think she respected me for this.
BTW I suspect he may have some borderline personality issues...

His mother and I had a good relationship eventually, and when his abuse became overwhelming and he kicked me out at first his mother stopped talking to him. Even writing him a LONG letter (he was very angry regarding this) about how he treated me and about how he treats her.

Imagine my surprise when I went to a second hand resale to drop a few books off (as I may need to downsize) and heard her voice. I was having a friendly convo with her when she all of a sudden started berating me in front of 15+ people.

He needs to get on with his life, how can I be so horrible, cruel and selfish? They are looking for a wife for him have so she can have some grandchildren and she can't understand why I'm stalling and causing him so much pain etc. I need to take care of this ASAP and let him live his life.

I assume what happened it that he has been feeding his mom lies, and that she doesn't understand the level of fear and abuse he made me suffer (and still does). Ironically she was married to his father who was a serial cheater, liar, abuser and alcoholic- who made her son believe for 20 years that she was the bad one. And so they never had a good relationship.

I also assume he has done the same with his father.

So I'm kind of torn. On the one hand he seems to be very influenced by people, once his family said we should not have a wedding and he called me while I was out of town and told me this. If they say jump, he says how high.

My situation is not unique because his older brother married a non muslim and they are heading down the same path, meanwhile his younger brother is fine in an arranged marriage.

It is no coincidence that every single one of his relationships ended because the woman was horrible, as did the arranged engagements. Every single woman was cheated on, and I think he cheated on me too based on things I have heard. He is always wronged and has no accountability.

With all the strip clubs, throwing things, locking me out, stealing finances etc.. should I tell her all this?
I don't mean this as a revenge tactic, I mean this so maybe she can knock some sense into him or at least try to have him act rationally.

What are your thoughts?
I was supposed to go file some paperwork today but I have 2 interviews so I won't be able to


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

What Country do you live in?


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Do you want to file for D?

In the end, it doesn't matter what your MIL says. Your relationship with your H is just that - YOURS. As much as a good family relationship would be wonderful, they need to respect that he chose you for a reason, and as long as you two are happy together they shouldn't interfere.

BTW, I'm calling it now - when you do fall pregnant, MIL will become your BEST FRIEND. Especially if you are having a boy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to RUN.


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## joygirl (Aug 19, 2013)

LoveAtDaisys said:


> Do you want to file for D?
> 
> In the end, it doesn't matter what your MIL says. Your relationship with your H is just that - YOURS. As much as a good family relationship would be wonderful, they need to respect that he chose you for a reason*, and as long as you two are happy together they shouldn't interfere.
> *
> BTW, I'm calling it now - when you do fall pregnant, MIL will become your BEST FRIEND. Especially if you are having a boy.


They are not happy together. 

And OP, with that kind of husband, your MIL is the least of your worries.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Absolutely nothing to gain by trying to make your MIL 'see' her son.
Won't matter.

Move towards the exit quickly, and in an orderly fashion.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

take care of yourself. move on. you describe him as your soon-to-be-ex so stay on the path you have set. if his mother asks for your opinion, thought, advice about him, give it then but otherwise focus on what you need to do to move your life forward and keep quiet with his family.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

No, we are not together, and heck no- I will not be pregnant.

He is an abusive a$$ and I am filing for divorce, but being the wonderful man that he is he stole mutual money. All of it.
Also kicked me out and changed the locks on the house.

So I have to use the battered women's legal assistance group, I find it ironic since his father did the same thing to her. But she is standing there screaming at me like I can hire a lawyer and just get on with it.

I just think his whole family is delusional. And yes I am in the USA

You guys are probably right. I just feel like he abuses her too and treats her very badly, she has said on many occasions he is the reincarnation of his father.

I don't have family here or a lot of support so I was hoping she could at least explain that making your wife starve or not have medication is not the right thing to do.

But it would probably fall on deaf ears. I just couldn't believe the gall of this woman!


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Tell the MIL to pay for your legal fees. :smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is he now living with his parents? Maybe her attack on you was a cry to get him out of her house?? Just a thought.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Nope, he has our house. And changed the locks on me 

He is such a lovely man 

But yes, that is an interesting point. Maybe he is taking his anger out on her and she just thinks if we get divorced he will change.

Possible after the weird things he has done.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have you two been separated?

He can only lock you out of your home if you allow him to.

When he changed the locks, you should have called a locksmith. Since you are an owner and a legal resident of the house you can get a locksmith to let you back in.

If the he hassles you for getting back into it, then you get the police to go there and explain your rights to him. If he hassles you call the police and have him kicked out for YOUR safety.

He's playing hard ball and you put up with his mistreatment.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

bunny23, count your blessings and let this be your biggest life experience. You were headed for a life of having to walk twenty paces behind your sand rat and wear a burlap bag over your head while in public.
The one thing you can count on people who insist "they want to be treated the same" is, THEY AREN'T THE SAME.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

OP, I am really sorry that you suffered in this relationship. Any Muslim man who does these things is no Muslim. Whenever you enter a relationship with someone who is from a different religious or cultural background and there is an issue with family, you have to tread lightly. You really have to consider these are big red flags that your relationship can be damaged from them. 

You need to get a divorce. You need to avoid his family. They don't seem like very good people or examples of their faith.


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## hopelessromantic1 (Feb 16, 2012)

tainted said:


> Tell the MIL to pay for your legal fees. :smthumbup:


:iagree: BEST IDEA EVER!


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