# Selfish spouse



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

How does one deal with a selfish spouse. He has to have his way. Nothing gets in his way from getting what he wants. He will lie, manipulate, deceive, whatever works for him.

I am sick of his selfish ways. Today he went to far. My feelings are crushed by his latest tantrum. By him acting the way he did lets me know he doesn't care. I've been doubting his love for me lately.

I look at actions more than someone saying "yeah I love you" the actions don't line up with what love is.


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## MardiGrasMambo (Mar 5, 2011)

Actions speak louder than words.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

Selfish can be dealt with, routine dishonesty can not. 

Words matter, but I look at actions over words.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

If you find out let me know. My husband will also lie to anyone about anything in order to get his way. I discussed with my therapist and she said lying is always so that one can get what they want so constant lying usually indicates someone who is selfish. I don't know what to do either. 

Have you discussed it with him? Does he even realize he does this? When I discuss it with my husband he then lies about his lying so we get nowhere. I think sometimes it has just become such a part of their personality that they don't even realize they do it anymore. 

I have been told he will not change so the ball is in my court to determine if I can live with it or not. Do you still love him?


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

He sounds like a child. People like this don't change unless they experience a life changing event and even then you have to deal with many years of terrible upbringing and bad genetics. If there are no kids DO NOT have them with this man child. Trust me kids do not fix anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Has he always been like this? It was probably a learned behavior. Although most behaviors can be unlearned if they want them to be. 

Unless he is fully aware of his actions, the impact it has on you and the marriage and if he truly wants to try to change, chances are, he will remain this way. You will have to decide what you will and will not put up with. You can talk to him all day long, but your words will probably fall on deaf ears. 

If you believe in actions VS words, then you might have to be the one to take some kind of action.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Trooper said:


> If you find out let me know. My husband will also lie to anyone about anything in order to get his way. I discussed with my therapist and she said lying is always so that one can get what they want so constant lying usually indicates someone who is selfish. I don't know what to do either.
> 
> Have you discussed it with him? Does he even realize he does this? When I discuss it with my husband he then lies about his lying so we get nowhere. I think sometimes it has just become such a part of their personality that they don't even realize they do it anymore.
> 
> I have been told he will not change so the ball is in my court to determine if I can live with it or not. Do you still love him?


Same here he lies about lying, or he tries to make me think I didn't hear him correctly.

Do I love him? Yes. Do I love me? Yes. Can I put up with this? Don't know:scratchhead:


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## misslizzy89 (Mar 14, 2011)

4sure said:


> Same here he lies about lying, or he tries to make me think I didn't hear him correctly.
> 
> Do I love him? Yes. Do I love me? Yes. Can I put up with this? Don't know:scratchhead:


That's how I feel about my husband too. I know he says certain things and then he always takes it back when he realizes that what he promised or said is not convenient for him.. I have started writing down his promises or what he says that I think may become inconvenient for him so he can see what he is doing.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Jamison said:


> Has he always been like this? It was probably a learned behavior. Although most behaviors can be unlearned if they want them to be.
> 
> Unless he is fully aware of his actions, the impact it has on you and the marriage and if he truly wants to try to change, chances are, he will remain this way. You will have to decide what you will and will not put up with. You can talk to him all day long, but your words will probably fall on deaf ears.
> 
> If you believe in actions VS words, then you might have to be the one to take some kind of action.


He has been like this for a long time, not sure when it started. The dishonesty has led to me not trusting him. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

The other night I wanted to watch the weather I missed it. He told me what the weather was going to be like. I didn't believe him. I had to watch for myself. Now that is so wrong when I doubt his weather report


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