# Just a woman's point of view on sex....



## zaliblue

So, I have been a part of this group for a few months....however I hardly ever post...I usually just read what everyone else is writing....because there are A LOT of threads on here lol....Anyway...I see that a lot of guys are having problems getting their lady to "put out"....and I actually have a friend that is in a very similar situation with his wife....Now...I don't know about you guys, but my friend is a really nice guy....never wants to step on anyone's toes and seems like he walks on eggshells around his wife....He ask for advice from my husband and I because he knows that we still, after being together for 8 years, have a bangin sex life....not to mention that we also have 2 kids....and we still manage every night sex....Anyway....back to the topic....his wife complains that she has no sex drive...and him being a guy who is very deprived has a very large one....My advice to him is that he stop being a wimp....sorry guys....but this is true....Instead of saying "hey baby, you want to have sex".....just put the moves on her....be forceful....be a freakin MAN! I am not saying rape your wife, but the one thing that we like to do is be "taken"....I do not want my husband to ask me if we can have sex.....or ask me to go down on him....i want him to do what he wants....asking and planning is awkward to me.....two people in love should not plan sex....it should just happen....and another top....I am hard core woman ok....I don't like sexist or being told that I am not equal to a man...and that my place is in the kitchen....However....in the bedroom it is a different story.....I may be a little bit of a control freak....but in the bedroom I want to be put in my place...lol....and I feel that a lot of women are the same....My friend said that he tried what we told him and that he and his wife ended up having sex on the living room floor....I know that some of you have wives that just do not want sex period....and to me, this is a problem that is deeper than sex.....but some men just have wives that are just waiting for you to man up and take control....Ok, so I am finished writing about this and I am sorry if I have offended anyone....but I just hope that maybe I have helped too


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## okeydokie

ya know, women are confusing


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## Enchantment

okeydokie said:


> ya know, women are confusing


lol...:lol:

I think the key is to know YOUR woman, cuz every woman is really going to be different and not necessarily fit into a specific mold. Now, nobody said that getting to know your woman was going to be easy, though.


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## chillymorn

it should be a 2 wat street the woman should have some interest in knowing her man also.

kinda selfish to never start any intamicy and expect your man to alsway desire you. that will only work for so long and then he will either turn to porn or even cheat.


it take 2 to keep things popping


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## chillymorn

WhiteRabbit said:


> once you get to know your woman, you'll think she likes you to take charge. Then she'll change her mind and want you to be soft and lovey. then she'll want to be the aggressive one. then she'll want...oh...well...you get the idea.
> 
> For a woman, once she gets to know her man...she knows her man.


don't put all men in that catogory.

men like things to be interesting also at least I do.

in other words most women are lazy lovers?

they do as little as possible to please their men sexually?


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## chillymorn

WhiteRabbit said:


> My point was, most men know what they like and know what they want..and they tend to communicate that. Women,many(not all) tend to not really know what they like and they don't seem very good at talking about it either.
> 
> Men and women can be lazy lovers. depends on the person i guess.
> 
> In my experience of listening to women talk, there are a LOT that do as little as possible to please their men sexually...but that wasn't what I was getting at in my post.


now your post make more sence to me. thanks for clarifing


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## zaliblue

Nobody should be lazy in sex....and im not saying that the man should initiate sex every time....im just saying that instead of being a nice respectful guy all of the time.....learn to take what you want....women love confidence.....or at least i do....i know that i can't speak for all women.....but my friends and i are pretty much all on the same page....i know women are complicated creatures......and i feel bad for u guys...i really do....someone wrote that one day the wife wants kinky, the next sweet....and it's hard for u guys to read which one she wants....this is where u have to learn how to read her body language....my hubby knows what i want....and i know what he wants....when he wants to be kinky...he kisses me a certain way and moves a certain way and i know what his body is saying to me....when he is in the "love-making" mood, he is softer....looks into my eyes deeply and kisses me sweetly.....i can just tell....and u guys need to learn that as well.....words, in my opinion, ruin the moment.....my husband can tell me he wants head without saying a word.....it's all about knowing your partner....their body....oh and another thing....a lot of guys expect their woman to put out when they treat her like crap....thats not how it works.....an unhappy wife is not worried about making you happy.....you can't be a **** until you decide you want some and start being nice...women aren't stupid....we can detect the mood change lol....


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## frustr8dhubby

Sure and how about when she doesn't want kinky, sweet, or anything else, which is pretty much always?


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## Syrum

Speaking for myself, I love a confident take charge dominant man in and out of the bedroom. 

I am much more likely to desire him and initiate if I know he is passionate about me and not shy in conveying that.


I know being the aggressor does not work for me, it kills my sex drive. if I initiate it's because I'm feeling sexually desired, safe, loved connected etc.


In short I agree with the OP.


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## frustr8dhubby

Nope, more like... :BoomSmilie_anim:


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## zaliblue

Syrum....I am with you 100% however....i tend to initiate sex a lot.....i think that the reason that i am soooo sexual is because i have anxiety issues....i know that it sounds stupid....but whenever i feel a panic attack coming on i jump on hubby lol....it definitely takes my mind off of what has me on edge.....he is a great lover and i know that if i initiate i won't be sorry lol....and FRUSTR8DHUBBY.....I am so sorry that your wife has cut you off completely.....i think that sometimes women forget just how sensitive a man can be......i can not imagine being denied sex....what it would do to my self esteem.....how much my feelings would be hurt....your wife needs to wake up and realize what she is doing to you....guys have feelings too.....and i think that some women just think when you turn your hubby down he's just mad because he isn't getting any...but it's more than that....she should be happy that u want her and that u arent out finding someone else....i am a christain....and i believe in being faithful....but as horrible as this sounds of me to say.....i can see why some people cheat on their spouses....i know that you took a vow to be faithful....but she also took a vow to love and cherish....and to me....that includes sex....i'm not saying to cheat on your wife....i hope that u guys can figure something out....but to me it sounds like you have issues that are deeper than just sex....


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## frustr8dhubby

zaliblue,

Thanks but actually we don't. We have a pretty great marriage and she hasn't cut me off entirely she just has ZERO drive. And actually I think the quantity of sex is less of an issue for me than the total lack of desire for me.


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## chillymorn

this idea of just taking your wife only works if she has desire for you in the first place.

and quite frankly. it sounds a lot like rape.

I'd be carefull advising men to just take their wife sexually.

do you have some sort of safe word in case you really don't want to have sex.


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## Halien

chillymorn said:


> this idea of just taking your wife only works if she has desire for you in the first place.
> 
> and quite frankly. it sounds a lot like rape.
> 
> I'd be carefull advising men to just take their wife sexually.
> 
> do you have some sort of safe word in case you really don't want to have sex.


I don't ask for sex, but I listen to the signals. A yawn makes the point adequately. Or maybe talking about what color to paint the walls. Or the best one, "I started". Anything more obvious just makes it feel like some sort of contractual negotiation taking place.


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## chillymorn

now when you see she is giving some signals like she would be receptive to some action then I say go for it but you better be sure and women have been known to change their minds at the drop of a hat or shoe left in the middle of the floor.


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## Syrum

chillymorn said:


> this idea of just taking your wife only works if she has desire for you in the first place.
> 
> and quite frankly. it sounds a lot like rape.
> 
> I'd be carefull advising men to just take their wife sexually.
> 
> do you have some sort of safe word in case you really don't want to have sex.


Well I agree, but you have to be very open sexually and have discussed your sex life and what you are comfortable with.

I am totally Ok with him grabbing me and going for it, I like him to be a little rough too. However that is just me, and I'm also with someone considerate enough not to do this if I was sick or very distressed etc...


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## Halien

chillymorn said:


> now when you see she is giving some signals like she would be receptive to some action then I say go for it but you better be sure and women have been known to change their minds at the drop of a hat or shoe left in the middle of the floor.


I think you make a great point. It is really hard to imagine some of the different dynamics that go on in different relationships. I simply could not fathom a relationship where either one of us had to verbally ask for sex. Any time I bring up the discussion of whether my wife feels respected, and needs something different, she is emphatic that she would be repulsed by a person who has to ask, but she also expects to be respected in every part of our relationship. Its been 25 years since she had to drive when we were together, or open her own door, or do something to the gizmos under the hood, or the wheel things of her own car. Its the dynamic that works for us, but wouldn't work for others, I'm sure.


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## RandomDude

I think this goes both ways, for women as well as men. I hate being asked for sex let alone having sex demanded. I prefer the missus putting her moves on me and playing the game with me. I personally never ask for sex, seems awkward to me too.


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## that_girl

I love when my husband just grabs me and takes me right there  

I do that to him sometimes, but nothing gets me more ready than his aggression and passion.


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## Runs like Dog

Yeah just throw some change at the toll funnel and keep driving.


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## zaliblue

Chillymorn, I am not saying to rape your wife....There is a big difference between raping and taking.....and no....there is no "safe" word required....like i said before know her body language....u can tell if someone is just playing hard to get......maybe you can't...I don't know....Bottom line if she slaps u across the face then don't keep going....we must use some common sense when doing these things....i am sorry if i made anyone mad by trying to help.....my post does not and did not apply to people with deeper marital problems....it was directed to shy, unconfident me who were not aware of what their woman wants....i am speaking from my personal opinion of what I like in bed....not all women are the same....but I was just informing everyone that a lot of women like this....Someone mentioned that there must be some type of desire....and that is true....but some women do not know how to display this and need their partner to step up....everything that i have said is meant to help....not offend anyone as it seems i have done.


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## RandomDude

There's the "NOOO! STOP! *SOB SOB* STOP! PLEASE STOP!" And then there's the "no... stop! no not there... *moan* no don't do that *moan*" etc etc...

It's kinda obvious


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## chillymorn

zaliblue said:


> Chillymorn, I am not saying to rape your wife....There is a big difference between raping and taking.....and no....there is no "safe" word required....like i said before know her body language....u can tell if someone is just playing hard to get......maybe you can't...I don't know....Bottom line if she slaps u across the face then don't keep going....we must use some common sense when doing these things....i am sorry if i made anyone mad by trying to help.....my post does not and did not apply to people with deeper marital problems....it was directed to shy, unconfident me who were not aware of what their woman wants....i am speaking from my personal opinion of what I like in bed....not all women are the same....but I was just informing everyone that a lot of women like this....Someone mentioned that there must be some type of desire....and that is true....but some women do not know how to display this and need their partner to step up....everything that i have said is meant to help....not offend anyone as it seems i have done.


IMO... all the women who talk on this board about what they like sexually are sexual people. and they talk about sex with their husbands,what they like what they don't. and are comfortable with talking about it. they want to share with their husband but many women are not so open and refuse to share for what ever reason.

when a husband has been refused or turned down many time in a row by the wife as he was putting the moves on so to speak.
then eventually the hasband quits putting in the effort its to painfull to be turned away time and time again.

so what happens is after some time a week a month what ever and the wife starts acting receptive the husband is shell shocked and doesn't want to put him self out there to be turned down by being romantic or agressiv or what ever so he just say hey you want to fool around. and then a pattern beginns.
some women can't see the forest through the trees


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## RandomDude

^ You should play the game back in that case, throw in a bit of jealousy and you got yourself a nice ccktail to have fun with. I wish my wife teased me a bit more. Sometimes I say no yet in the back of mind I'm wishing she gets the hint that it's not "no, I don't want sex" it's "no... I just I wanna play first!"


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## okeydokie

has anyone mentioned that women are confusing?


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## Runs like Dog

My class on real analysis and solid analytic geometry was confusing. Woman is something else.


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## zaliblue

women are confusing....but men are pretty unique creatures as well....


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## Runs like Dog

Men are simple. That's what baffles women.


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## zaliblue

Runs Like Dog.....My husband gets soooo offended when people say that because let me tell you....he must be the exception.....he is anything but simple....i think it's the opposite with our relationship....Men say that women are never satisfied and are indecisive.....but in fact those are characteristics that a man possesses. If I cook a 3 course meal and make...let's say rolls instead of biscuits....i get the disappointing "oh....no biscuits?"....and honestly maybe i would have made the biscuits if he could have made up his mind to begin with on what he wanted for dinner....men are a mystery to women.....just as women are to men....


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## HelloooNurse

I think the whole "she wont put out" thing comes down to this. We all know men and women think differently about sex. But when it comes down to it - it's just sex. He gets off, she gets off, everybody's happy. But women have a knack of blowing it way out of proportion in terms of fantasy. Sort of putting ideas in there that do not really exist. Like for example: You know in high school, and this is mostly with girls, if a guy looks at them once for more that one second, the girl starts getting obsessed about him, thinking "he secretly LOVES me! but he is too shy to talk to me. He looks at me all the time - that's DEFINITELY got to mean he secretly loves me and wants to be with me forever", etc. But in reality, the guy was just looking at her either just to register who this person is, or perhaps seeing how big her rack is. But the point is, she is injecting too much imagination into something that isn't there. That is how it is with sex. 

So then it follows on. The woman and the man are in the midst of fantasy when they are dating, so the sex is hot. But when they become married and come back down to the planet earth, the fantasy is gone and then when the sex doesn't keep up to the fantasy that the woman has, she is all let down and thus she doesn't want to root the man anymore. The imaginary bubble has burst. Meanwhile the man is left thinking "WTF just happened?" because he has been in reality all along, and so he isn't privy to the fantasy dissolution saga. All he sees is that she doesn't want to jump him anymore for apparently no reason whatsoever because for him, nothing has changed. The fantasy was all in HER head, not his. 

Ofcourse it is a broad, sweeping generalisation for me to use "the man" and "the woman" there, because it is not always the case. You could substitute "emotional, femininized man" for "woman", or you could swap "reality-based female" for the "man" - substitute what you like but there is always one of the partners who is overemotional, and that is usually the one with all the fantasies and their head in the clouds. I am a woman myself so I have observed this phenomenon countless times with my friends, bubbles bursting one after the other, leaving devastation in their wake. It makes you just want to smack them in the face or shake some reality into them, especially when it happens to them over and over and over again. I don't know if its the genes that make people this way but it damn sure isn't logic or rationality, I can tell you that.

/end of essay.


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## Runs like Dog

Nah you read too much into it. Men want to be babied by their women. They want to be treated like a prince. They want to be touched, stroked, fed, coddled, caressed. Rolls, biscuits...he's just being cranky because you didn't feed him yet.


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## Hubby01

I was going to bite my tongue, but what the hell.

I'm so sick of women that ARE interested in sex giving advice to men about how to treat women that ARE NOT interested in sex. I might as well get advice from the old guy on the street corner.

There is a percentage of women out there that have either zero or minimal interest in anything physical and in a lot of cases how they are treated will not change this. I left my ex wife solely over a lack of sex, which at the time she blamed me for, I've since met her (now ex) boyfriend and within weeks of starting a new relationship, bam, no sex for him either.

My current wife is a complete cold frog for about 23 days out of her cycle. Nothing, zip, nada will change this. We honeymooned well after our marriage due to family commitments and it was simply the wrong time of the month, no sex for 9 days on a honeymoon despite obvious opportunity etc. (Her period started on the last morning before we came home) Again though she blames me 100% for this, I should do X Y and Z in order for her to be interested. Oddly enough though around the time she ovulates, none of this matters, she's suddenly more receptive. She still WILL NOT initiate, but simply wont say no and pretends its my job to know when she may be interested.

Without turning this into a small novel, I am tired of women who use some BS excuse to withhold sex and turn it around blaming it all on good men. How many men are expected to take the time to meet their needs, while entirely disregarding their own?


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## LovesHerMan

Hubby:

I understand your frustration, but this forum exists for advice. People come here for ideas to solve problems. However, if you have tried everything and nothing works, then I would agree that you may not be able to arouse your wife.


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## Conrad

Hubby01 said:


> Without turning this into a small novel, I am tired of women who use some BS excuse to withhold sex and turn it around blaming it all on good men. How many men are expected to take the time to meet their needs, while entirely disregarding their own?


That's what they're trying to find out... one transaction at a time.


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## that_girl

Men needs sex to feel close. Women need to feel close to have sex.


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## sqazm

what about when your wife has very little sex drive to begin with? every time i try to start it up, it's "i'm not in the mood," or "i don't have time right now" or "i'm too tired." we have sex once a month at best, which is usually when she's finally in the mood. 



that girl said:


> Men needs sex to feel close. Women need to feel close to have sex.


interesting that you point this out. my wife and i haven't really been close for probably 8 months or so (gradually grew apart). our lack of sex started well before that though.


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## MEM2020

Zali,
My W is just like you. Took me a while to figure out that taking isn't raping. She likes to be taken. So I take her. 



zaliblue said:


> Chillymorn, I am not saying to rape your wife....There is a big difference between raping and taking.....and no....there is no "safe" word required....like i said before know her body language....u can tell if someone is just playing hard to get......maybe you can't...I don't know....Bottom line if she slaps u across the face then don't keep going....we must use some common sense when doing these things....i am sorry if i made anyone mad by trying to help.....my post does not and did not apply to people with deeper marital problems....it was directed to shy, unconfident me who were not aware of what their woman wants....i am speaking from my personal opinion of what I like in bed....not all women are the same....but I was just informing everyone that a lot of women like this....Someone mentioned that there must be some type of desire....and that is true....but some women do not know how to display this and need their partner to step up....everything that i have said is meant to help....not offend anyone as it seems i have done.


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## zaliblue

MEM,
Glad to hear i'm not alone....i love how the men who arent getting any on here get offended because i TRIED to give a little personal advise....it's like i get jumped on because i was just giving tips....it's not my fault if your wife wont put out lol....it sucks...but my advice is to leave her...sorry...sounds harsh....but she's not having sex with you because she either doesn't like you very much or just is not attracted to you....women arent these nice creatures....we're just nicer than men....if we dont want to *** you we say it in a nice way...we blame it on ourselves...."oh sorry hunny, im not in the mood"...."oh i have a headache"...."you know i just dont have a sex drive....not my fault"....these are all just nice ways to say "i don't want to have sex with you"....sorry that some of u guys have to go through that...but please don't be bitter towards me for trying to help those men that CAN salvage their sex lives....


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## discouraged1

Hubby01 said:


> I was going to bite my tongue, but what the hell.
> 
> I'm so sick of women that ARE interested in sex giving advice to men about how to treat women that ARE NOT interested in sex. I might as well get advice from the old guy on the street corner.
> 
> There is a percentage of women out there that have either zero or minimal interest in anything physical and in a lot of cases how they are treated will not change this. I left my ex wife solely over a lack of sex, which at the time she blamed me for, I've since met her (now ex) boyfriend and within weeks of starting a new relationship, bam, no sex for him either.
> 
> My current wife is a complete cold frog for about 23 days out of her cycle. Nothing, zip, nada will change this. We honeymooned well after our marriage due to family commitments and it was simply the wrong time of the month, no sex for 9 days on a honeymoon despite obvious opportunity etc. (Her period started on the last morning before we came home) Again though she blames me 100% for this, I should do X Y and Z in order for her to be interested. Oddly enough though around the time she ovulates, none of this matters, she's suddenly more receptive. She still WILL NOT initiate, but simply wont say no and pretends its my job to know when she may be interested.
> 
> Without turning this into a small novel, I am tired of women who use some BS excuse to withhold sex and turn it around blaming it all on good men. How many men are expected to take the time to meet their needs, while entirely disregarding their own?


:iagree:


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## janesmith

RandomDude said:


> I think this goes both ways, for women as well as men. I hate being asked for sex let alone having sex demanded. I prefer the missus putting her moves on me and playing the game with me. I personally never ask for sex, seems awkward to me too.



this is how we are too. we know each other's signal. he might playfully say something like "ima get in it all night tonight" or ill say something like "DONT be tired tonight" with a look. but we dont ask. He has nerver asked for a blowjob either, he will tell me when he wants one, which he does in a variety of ways, not just verbally


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## Conrad

janesmith said:


> this is how we are too. we know each other's signal. he might playfully say something like "ima get in it all night tonight" or ill say something like "DONT be tired tonight" with a look. but we dont ask. He has nerver asked for a blowjob either, he will tell me when he wants one, which he does in a variety of ways, not just verbally


I'm struggling to think of a time I "wouldn't" want one.


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## janesmith

Hubby01 said:


> I was going to bite my tongue, but what the hell.
> 
> I'm so sick of women that ARE interested in sex giving advice to men about how to treat women that ARE NOT interested in sex. I might as well get advice from the old guy on the street corner.
> 
> There is a percentage of women out there that have either zero or minimal interest in anything physical and in a lot of cases how they are treated will not change this. I left my ex wife solely over a lack of sex, which at the time she blamed me for, I've since met her (now ex) boyfriend and within weeks of starting a new relationship, bam, no sex for him either.
> 
> My current wife is a complete cold frog for about 23 days out of her cycle. Nothing, zip, nada will change this. We honeymooned well after our marriage due to family commitments and it was simply the wrong time of the month, no sex for 9 days on a honeymoon despite obvious opportunity etc. (Her period started on the last morning before we came home) Again though she blames me 100% for this, I should do X Y and Z in order for her to be interested. Oddly enough though around the time she ovulates, none of this matters, she's suddenly more receptive. She still WILL NOT initiate, but simply wont say no and pretends its my job to know when she may be interested.
> 
> Without turning this into a small novel, I am tired of women who use some BS excuse to withhold sex and turn it around blaming it all on good men. How many men are expected to take the time to meet their needs, while entirely disregarding their own?


women dont have sex because........they dont want to. each of us must take responsibility for our contribution to the ill health of our marriage. sex is a normal healthy necessary part of many marriages and it is not unreasonable to expect your marriage to include sex as well. Im sure this is not a secret to her. She needs to find out the real reason she wont have sex. If it was you doing more chores and your did more chores as she asked and you were still assedout, then thats not it and she isnt being honest with herself or you.

I wouldnt tolerate not having sex barring illness that prevents it.


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## janesmith

Conrad said:


> I'm struggling to think of a time I "wouldn't" want one.


sometimes he just doesnt want to be bothered, lmao, if you can believe it.


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## SimplyAmorous

zaliblue said:


> So, I have been a part of this group for a few months....however I hardly ever post...I usually just read what everyone else is writing....because there are A LOT of threads on here lol....Anyway...I see that a lot of guys are having problems getting their lady to "put out"....and I actually have a friend that is in a very similar situation with his wife....Now...I don't know about you guys, but my friend is a really nice guy....never wants to step on anyone's toes and seems like he walks on eggshells around his wife....He ask for advice from my husband and I because he knows that we still, after being together for 8 years, have a bangin sex life....not to mention that we also have 2 kids....and we still manage every night sex....Anyway....back to the topic....his wife complains that she has no sex drive...and him being a guy who is very deprived has a very large one....My advice to him is that he stop being a wimp....sorry guys....but this is true....Instead of saying "hey baby, you want to have sex".....just put the moves on her....be forceful....be a freakin MAN! I am not saying rape your wife, but the one thing that we like to do is be "taken"....I do not want my husband to ask me if we can have sex.....or ask me to go down on him....i want him to do what he wants....asking and planning is awkward to me.....two people in love should not plan sex....it should just happen....and another top....I am hard core woman ok....I don't like sexist or being told that I am not equal to a man...and that my place is in the kitchen....However....in the bedroom it is a different story.....I may be a little bit of a control freak....but in the bedroom I want to be put in my place...lol....and I feel that a lot of women are the same....My friend said that he tried what we told him and that he and his wife ended up having sex on the living room floor....I know that some of you have wives that just do not want sex period....and to me, this is a problem that is deeper than sex.....but some men just have wives that are just waiting for you to man up and take control....Ok, so I am finished writing about this and I am sorry if I have offended anyone....but I just hope that maybe I have helped too


My husband should have done more of this when we were younger, I always had a good sex drive, but he was too respectful, too polite and never wanted to push boundaries. We missed each for years over these things. It was a rediculous situation. I did a thread on it but deleted it recently, TMI. Our situation was clearly not the norm.

BUt I agree with you, many women may get turned on by simply...."being taken" your man showing how much he wants you with heated "action", no need for words , unless they are of the teasing /flirting type. Sure, it is taking a risk to put yourself out there, but unless you find her denying you, it needs to be tried and pursued . If she enjoys sex, this will likely be the ticket to her arousal. 

If not, that is a different story entriely and I feel for these men.


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## Enchantment

SimplyAmorous said:


> BUt I agree with you, many women may get turned on by simply...."being taken" your man showing how much he wants you with heated "action", no need for words , unless they are of the teasing /flirting type. Sure, it is taking a risk to put yourself out there, but unless you find her denying you, it needs to be tried and pursued . If she enjoys sex, this will likely be the ticket to her arousal.


In the words of the inestimable Mae West: "_It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men_."


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## MEM2020

Zali,
Most men in sexless marriages are afraid to rock the boat, and when someone suggests they do so, they act aggressively towards the person making the suggestion. I think pyschologists call this "displaced anger". Google has a great definition for it. 





zaliblue said:


> MEM,
> Glad to hear i'm not alone....i love how the men who arent getting any on here get offended because i TRIED to give a little personal advise....it's like i get jumped on because i was just giving tips....it's not my fault if your wife wont put out lol....it sucks...but my advice is to leave her...sorry...sounds harsh....but she's not having sex with you because she either doesn't like you very much or just is not attracted to you....women arent these nice creatures....we're just nicer than men....if we dont want to *** you we say it in a nice way...we blame it on ourselves...."oh sorry hunny, im not in the mood"...."oh i have a headache"...."you know i just dont have a sex drive....not my fault"....these are all just nice ways to say "i don't want to have sex with you"....sorry that some of u guys have to go through that...but please don't be bitter towards me for trying to help those men that CAN salvage their sex lives....


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## Runs like Dog

As I am constantly reminding the wifey, "It's not what you do, it's who you are. I don't care about what you do and I can't do anything about who you are."


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## Monty4321

chillymorn said:


> it should be a 2 wat street the woman should have some interest in knowing her man also.
> 
> kinda selfish to never start any intamicy and expect your man to alsway desire you. that will only work for so long and then he will either turn to porn or even cheat.
> 
> 
> it take 2 to keep things popping


:iagree: :iagree: I agree. It's a two way street. It should never always be one spouse pursuing the other. I understand if one person's drive is stronger than the other; However, if one spouse starts to feel undesired, then there's a problem.


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## Monty4321

chillymorn said:


> in other words most women are lazy lovers?
> 
> they do as little as possible to please their men sexually?


I agree with you Chillymorn to a certain extent about the lazy lovers part. I am remarried. In my first marriage and with my wife, that statement represents both of them. My wife doesn't even come close to doing the bare minimum to attempt to keep me pleased sexually nor intimately. It doesn't matter how many times I tried talking with her or complaining. It's as if she won't try to put in any effort, yet she claims that she loves me.

As reading through the forums; however, the lazy lovers part goes both ways. Men and woman can be sexually lazy lovers - but mostly woman


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## Monty4321

frustr8dhubby said:


> Sure and how about when she doesn't want kinky, sweet, or anything else, which is pretty much always?


Ouch. I feel you buddy.


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## Monty4321

frustr8dhubby said:


> Nope, more like... :BoomSmilie_anim:


frustr8dhubby - you have me on the floor rolling :lol::lol:


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## maudite

zaliblue said:


> Nobody should be lazy in sex....and im not saying that the man should initiate sex every time....im just saying that instead of being a nice respectful guy all of the time.....learn to take what you want....women love confidence.....or at least i do....i know that i can't speak for all women.....but my friends and i are pretty much all on the same page....i know women are complicated creatures......and i feel bad for u guys...i really do....someone wrote that one day the wife wants kinky, the next sweet....and it's hard for u guys to read which one she wants....this is where u have to learn how to read her body language....my hubby knows what i want....and i know what he wants....when he wants to be kinky...he kisses me a certain way and moves a certain way and i know what his body is saying to me....when he is in the "love-making" mood, he is softer....looks into my eyes deeply and kisses me sweetly.....i can just tell....and u guys need to learn that as well.....words, in my opinion, ruin the moment.....my husband can tell me he wants head without saying a word.....it's all about knowing your partner....their body....oh and another thing....a lot of guys expect their woman to put out when they treat her like crap....thats not how it works.....an unhappy wife is not worried about making you happy.....you can't be a **** until you decide you want some and start being nice...women aren't stupid....we can detect the mood change lol....


This is how my sex life was with my wife before she developed some mental issues and fell in love with a man that doesn't exist and cut me off completely. It was like one day everything was fine, the next, not so much. I'm not even allowed to be in the same room when she is changing anymore. She does however constantly push me to sleep with other women. Haven't yet. After such a good sex life, being cut off has been really taking a toll on me lately and the urge to follow through with her request has been increasing. Been just over two months now.


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## Hubby01

janesmith said:


> women dont have sex because........they dont want to. each of us must take responsibility for our contribution to the ill health of our marriage. sex is a normal healthy necessary part of many marriages and it is not unreasonable to expect your marriage to include sex as well. Im sure this is not a secret to her. She needs to find out the real reason she wont have sex. If it was you doing more chores and your did more chores as she asked and you were still assedout, then thats not it and she isnt being honest with herself or you.
> 
> I wouldnt tolerate not having sex barring illness that prevents it.


You have hit the nail on the head right here.

I've found women in general have a list of 4569345 preplanned "appropriate" responses for each situation. Sex = Headache, tired, Dishes = tired, Dinner = stressed, More workload = other priorities.

I work with and manage a heap of women within a large scale retail environment and after a while you learn to read the actual meaning behind some answers but you get so much throw away crap its unbelievable.

Men are not mind readers!

I can sit and discuss something with my wife, repeat back the exact conversation, ask appropriate questions and an hour later have absolutely no idea what she was trying to achieve. She's presented me with 57 1/2 minutes of nothing but thinly veiled crap, 2 minutes of useful stuff (if I can find it) and allowed me about 30 seconds to talk. If she simply presented the info without so much regard for the other stuff I would get it, her point would be made and we can move on, instead it much be neatly wrapped in s**t so i understand it?


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## bobdc

zaliblue said:


> So, I have been a part of this group for a few months....however I hardly ever post...I usually just read what everyone else is writing....because there are A LOT of threads on here lol....Anyway...I see that a lot of guys are having problems getting their lady to "put out"....and I actually have a friend that is in a very similar situation with his wife....Now...I don't know about you guys, but my friend is a really nice guy....never wants to step on anyone's toes and seems like he walks on eggshells around his wife....He ask for advice from my husband and I because he knows that we still, after being together for 8 years, have a bangin sex life....not to mention that we also have 2 kids....and we still manage every night sex....Anyway....back to the topic....his wife complains that she has no sex drive...and him being a guy who is very deprived has a very large one....My advice to him is that he stop being a wimp....sorry guys....but this is true....Instead of saying "hey baby, you want to have sex".....just put the moves on her....be forceful....be a freakin MAN! I am not saying rape your wife, but the one thing that we like to do is be "taken"....I do not want my husband to ask me if we can have sex.....or ask me to go down on him....i want him to do what he wants....asking and planning is awkward to me.....two people in love should not plan sex....it should just happen....and another top....I am hard core woman ok....I don't like sexist or being told that I am not equal to a man...and that my place is in the kitchen....However....in the bedroom it is a different story.....I may be a little bit of a control freak....but in the bedroom I want to be put in my place...lol....and I feel that a lot of women are the same....My friend said that he tried what we told him and that he and his wife ended up having sex on the living room floor....I know that some of you have wives that just do not want sex period....and to me, this is a problem that is deeper than sex.....but some men just have wives that are just waiting for you to man up and take control....Ok, so I am finished writing about this and I am sorry if I have offended anyone....but I just hope that maybe I have helped too


communication!! good luck


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## IanIronwood

Conrad said:


> I'm struggling to think of a time I "wouldn't" want one.


Word. 

Like, they just have no idea, do they?


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## Open4it

IanIronwood said:


> Word.
> 
> Like, they just have no idea, do they?


"They" do.
Actually, it was her husband that wasn't in the mood for one.


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## MEM2020

Hubby01,
I am equally tired of men who marry a woman like your W, proceed to have children with her and then endlessly complain about how they would leave if it weren't for the kids. 

It has nothing to do with kids. It has to do with being unwilling to insist that she prioritize you and your needs. It is about being calm and firm. In a HEALTHY marriage the lower desire spouse LETS the higher desire spouse get them in the mood. And they TEACH their HD partner how to get them in the mood. And the HD spouse is firm about the fact that "if I don't feel like it - it ain't happening" is a selfish and marriage ending mindset.



Hubby01 said:


> I was going to bite my tongue, but what the hell.
> 
> I'm so sick of women that ARE interested in sex giving advice to men about how to treat women that ARE NOT interested in sex. I might as well get advice from the old guy on the street corner.
> 
> There is a percentage of women out there that have either zero or minimal interest in anything physical and in a lot of cases how they are treated will not change this. I left my ex wife solely over a lack of sex, which at the time she blamed me for, I've since met her (now ex) boyfriend and within weeks of starting a new relationship, bam, no sex for him either.
> 
> My current wife is a complete cold frog for about 23 days out of her cycle. Nothing, zip, nada will change this. We honeymooned well after our marriage due to family commitments and it was simply the wrong time of the month, no sex for 9 days on a honeymoon despite obvious opportunity etc. (Her period started on the last morning before we came home) Again though she blames me 100% for this, I should do X Y and Z in order for her to be interested. Oddly enough though around the time she ovulates, none of this matters, she's suddenly more receptive. She still WILL NOT initiate, but simply wont say no and pretends its my job to know when she may be interested.
> 
> Without turning this into a small novel, I am tired of women who use some BS excuse to withhold sex and turn it around blaming it all on good men. How many men are expected to take the time to meet their needs, while entirely disregarding their own?


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## Conrad

janesmith said:


> sometimes he just doesnt want to be bothered, lmao, if you can believe it.


"Bothered"

Damn....

I can think of many times in my life I've been "bothered".

Not sure I can channel that wavelength.


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## Runs like Dog

janesmith said:


> sometimes he just doesnt want to be bothered, lmao, if you can believe it.


Some women are just really terrible at it.


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