# What is an emotional affair?



## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Ok so some have mentioned Emotional affair, can somone explain this... Thanks... just thinking maybe...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Google is your friend.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Some say that it is an affair without sex, and sadly, many waywards justify their actions this way-they feel that because there was no sex, it wasn't really cheating.
With EAs, you get the gamut of responses when confronting them:

It's all in your head
There's NOTHING going on
We're just friends
It's not like we're having sex, etc.

But, in a nutshell, it means you've "replaced" your spouse/partner with someone else. The wayward now gets their validation, acknowledgement, general good feelings from the other person, and consequently feel that their spouse was not such a good person after all, that the OP understands them better, that the OP is indeed a better person, and a better person for them.

In many ways, an EA is much more damaging than the old classic "one night stand"-because feelings have developed between the affair partners, the wayward spouse truly believes that they are really in love, that they've found their "soulmate", and they get lost in the "fog", in which the OP is now the good guy, the one who will save them from their misery, while their spouse is now the bad guy, the one standing in the way of their true happiness.


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Thanks F-102..and thanks Mayham.. googled it..


Ok so how do you know which type of affair they had.... if it was a PA they could deny it.. if it was a EA.. you wouldt beleive that they really had an EA only no sex... as in my situation.. his denial.. but what if it was a EA thats why his adamantly dening the sexal part of it.. the sex or phycial part is what he denies.. So if it was a EA, how would you know which one they had a EA or PA???


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## I_Will_Survive (Oct 28, 2011)

What difference does it make? Really. It's an honest question. My husband "flirted" (his word) with women in sex forums a few years ago. He felt nothing for them and certainly did not touch them. I caught him and he promised to end it.

But over time, the temptation was too great. When he had the opportunity, he had PA's, maybe repeated ONS's. Eventually this may have led to an EA. I haven't proven anything yet, but all the signs are back..... Stay tuned, I'll post when I find evidence.

A cheater is a cheater is a liar. And I'm realizing it's very hard to catch a liar in the act. Even if I do, how can I ever trust him again?


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I have the same question, ''What is an EA". I have been on this forum a while, have read a lot about it here and have googled it but the more I read, the less i truly understand it.

I've seen F-102's definition here a few times and I'm not so sure about it. It's very specific about the spouse being 'replaced' and being the bad guy, the OP is the good guy and even goes so far to say that the OP is a better person and better for them. 

The problem with defining an EA is that if the 'bar' is set too low, it's meaningless. E.g. I don't think anyone would say that a simple 'crush' is an EA. F-102's definition, however, sets the bar very high in that it's not just a deep emotional entanglement, but certain love and replacement of the original partner.

So I have trouble understanding what this all means. Clearly we can have inappropriate behavior that does not meet F-102's definition (e.g. spending a lot of time with a new person, allowing attraction to nurture, forming a relationship that extends beyond simple friendship and letting the other person know - in words or actions - that there is attraction). Is this an EA?

Simply put, is friendship + mutual attraction + lust an EA even if there is not (yet) true love, if you have not decided that this person is better than your original partner, and you have not yet completely emotionally replaced your original partner with this person. It's well known that people have affairs with people with whom they are deeply attracted to and have affection for but who do not meet all of the needs that are met by their spouse. For example, if a woman's partner is a great family guy, stable, etc and she starts to spend time with a 'bad boy' and really gets attached to him. She might start to think of him as her boyfriend in some ways (e.g. doesn't want him with other women, etc). However, she may not feel that this guy is better for her than her husband just that he is different from her husband. Is this an EA?

I'm not discounting that their can be 'cheating' without sex but for me the concept as described is very flawed. Much of what happens in an EA seems to be in the brain rather than in action. I see it as an iceberg where the actions are the tip and the rest is below the surface (in the brain). People can't help what they feel or think and 'cheating' or 'not cheating' is if and how you act on what you think and feel. So to summarize my long, rambling post, I agree that there can be 'cheating' without physical activities but I struggle to define what is 'cheating' if there is no tangible physical activities.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I kind of set boundaries like this: if I wouldn't act a certain way or say certain things to someone else with my husband present, then I shouldn't behave in those ways when he's absent. Thinking in this manner has helped me to be a better spouse. I know that I'm often vulnerable and very receptive to attention when we have difficulties, and it wouldn't be right for me to indulge. I now try to get that attention I'm missing from him, sadly HE'S not always receptive. I have also tried to explain the concept of EA to him, but since he is passive aggressive, I really doubt he refrains from the temptation like I do. This is the very reason I don't believe men and women can be 'just friends' - it's only natural to sexualize the other gender, thus leading to EA's a majority of the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Just Tired Of It All said:


> Thanks F-102..and thanks Mayham.. googled it..
> 
> 
> Ok so how do you know which type of affair they had.... if it was a PA they could deny it.. if it was a EA.. you wouldt beleive that they really had an EA only no sex... as in my situation.. his denial.. but what if it was a EA thats why his adamantly dening the sexal part of it.. the sex or phycial part is what he denies.. So if it was a EA, how would you know which one they had a EA or PA???


It doesn't matter if it's an EA or PA-it's STILL an A.


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Ok.. Havnt posted in awhile... there has been some changes. And I will update on a new post soon... But I was reading my other post and I been thinking alot about . EA... PA...


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

F-102 said:


> It doesn't matter if it's an EA or PA-it's STILL an A.


Yes.. an EA or an PA is just that...... an AFFAIR... and I (if I am taking all this correctly that is) have heard/read.. that on most/some ( in dealing with the diffrences of Affair) that an EA is harder to overcome in order to save a marriage. BC it has more emotional connections between WS and OP than a PA. But how can this be true? Does not PA have emotional connections as well? And yes to me, Knowing which one would be good to know concidering that as with EA... it involves the Heart (VERY BAD) A PA the heart + possibility of well anything that goes along with sex.. (VERY BAD). So WS not only has to deal with the emotional connections, but also anything that could be contracted if sex was involved.. So.. If I am off the charts with this, someone please correct me.. BC both are bad, damaging, hurtful and hard to overcome. There is a huge line that does make it matter between EA or PA.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

It doesn't matter to the BS whether it is an EA or PA. The PA, especially when it is a ww involved, is EA +. My wife insists that she should be given credit for not having sex - which is a hollow argument. An EA IS worse in one sense: that the affair is somehow less terrible in the mind of the unfaithful and the courts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Closeness with a person other than the spouse is an affair.Closeness with sex is physical affair.
Now you know what is an emotional affair!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Emotional Affair Signs Checklist
•The ‘cheater’ keeps their ‘friendship’ secret from their partner.
•They therefore don’t share or talk about calls, texts, etc. that they receive from their friend, with their partners.
•They do all they can to hide those calls and text messages.
•When confronted by a partner, they deny any wrongdoing and may accuse their partner of being silly, of looking for something that doesn’t exist.
•They can even become aggressive when being quizzed about their friendship.
•Their responses are often centered around things like “he’s/she’s just a friend,” “he’s/she’s a good listener,” “it’s only about work,” etc.
•The cheater looks to spend more and more time out of the house with their friend.
•The cheater actually looks forward to spending time with their friend rather than with their spouse or partner.
•They tell their friend things that they don’t even share with their spouse / partner.
•Cheaters spend less time having meaningful conversations with their spouse.
•They are less interested in sex with their spouse or partner.
•They can sometimes behave in ways with their friend that they would never have done with their spouse or partner.
•They conjure up reasons to give their friends gifts.
•Cheaters can suddenly become more critical of their spouse or partner, e.g., the way they dress, the way they look, etc


Read more: http://www.emotionalaffairsite.com/...motional-affair-signs-checklist#ixzz1nxQUiIj0


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Just Tired Of It All said:


> Thanks F-102..and thanks Mayham.. googled it..
> 
> 
> Ok so how do you know which type of affair they had.... if it was a PA they could deny it.. if it was a EA.. you wouldt beleive that they really had an EA only no sex... as in my situation.. his denial.. but what if it was a EA thats why his adamantly dening the sexal part of it.. the sex or phycial part is what he denies.. So if it was a EA, how would you know which one they had a EA or PA???


First off they are both severe forms of being unfaithful. Very commonly a PA starts with an EA. Unless it is a ONS.


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