# Need advice from the criers out there



## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i've read a million books and articles that say not to cry or get over emotional when you see/talk to your significant other during separation. instead you should put up the facade of being totally fine and moving on in your life. they say cry later when you're alone or when he leaves.
how the he!! do you do that?! unfortunately, i'm a super crier- i cry when i'm happy, sad, angry, laughing hard, ect. i hate crying but it is completely out of my control, and sometimes embarrassing. does anyone else have this problem? i know it doesn't help, and i know it makes him feel incredibly uncomfortable, which does not help. how do you turn off the water works, especially if it's an emotionally charged conversation?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Really hard. I'm a crier, too.

Honestly, the only thing that's ever worked for me is to detach as much as possible from the situation and to pretend that I'm an actor reading lines. Of course, on the down side, that means that you are not fully engaged in what might be a very meaningful encounter, so...

He knows you are a crier, so he'll get over it. I'm sorry, though, and I do understand.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm a huge crier too, and I hate it. I try really hard to keep it together, but it never works. Like Iamaga say's, try to detach a bit, try to get a little angry, that might help hold off the water works for even a little bit. Like anything, I guess it takes practice.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

justabovewater said:


> I'm a huge crier too, and I hate it. I try really hard to keep it together, but it never works. Like Iamaga say's, try to detach a bit, try to get a little angry, that might help hold off the water works for even a little bit. Like anything, I guess it takes practice.


That's what helps me; I try to think of something that makes me angry, or something silly, like imagining the person in front of me naked or with a clown nose.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Not a crier here, but I do get broken down by a woman crying at first (say the 1st 100x). Once she uses it in fake remorse/deceit/get-out-of-jail-free though, her crying means jack **** to me.


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

I'm a crier too and takes a lot to hold back from bursting into tears in front of him while we are discussing about our falling apart marriage or H's OW. But yes the detaching one self and being distant helps a bit.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I'm the same way. No matter how hard I try I can't stop the tears from coming. And once it starts there is no stopping it. My stbx will be here in a little while and I know that I either have to not speak or i will break down. Even when I'm mad if we start talking I start to try to explain why he is wrong and we could work and I start crying and it looks like I'm begging. Lord, it's disgusting. I so wish I could hate him. He deserves it.


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

cantmove said:


> I'm the same way. No matter how hard I try I can't stop the tears from coming. And once it starts there is no stopping it. My stbx will be here in a little while and I know that I either have to not speak or i will break down. Even when I'm mad if we start talking I start to try to explain why he is wrong and we could work and I start crying and it looks like I'm begging. Lord, it's disgusting. I so wish I could hate him. He deserves it.


I've been called desperate, when I break down and cry in front of him. It would be so easy if our feelings came with an on/off switch


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

When I cry, I have "volatile mood swings." That one actually made me laugh. If you knew me, you'd laugh, too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i'm so glad im not alone! it's so annoying. i wish there was a pill i could take to just not cry sometimes!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am a crier.

However, i held it together when H would come over. I was focused on my goal, not on the moment. My goal was to fix myself and fix us. When i'd cry, he'd shut down because he felt he couldn't help me. When I showed strength, he'd open up.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

I have this problem too. I cry over commercials (doesnt matter if they are sad or sappy), at church when they talk about the people who are sick, and I havent been to see any non-horror movies in the theater in years because its gotten so bad. A big part of it, I believe is that I am no longer on antidepressants, which always kept me pretty flat emotionally. 

About a year ago I got desprate to stop all the crying and began to tell myself very forcefully in my head "Oh, I forgot, I simply do not care about this at all." or something like that. It is bad, because I am totally disengaging from the moment, but it has saved me many embarassments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Make a list of the things you found unacceptable in the relationship. Be very honest with yourself.

Before your encounter with your spouse, sit down and reread the list.

Very often, when talking face to face with someone, the natural emotion is empathy for their feelings. These feelings can override common sense. Going into the conversation with a refreshed clarity of what really happened can center you.


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## WoeIsMe (Jun 19, 2012)

I'm a guy and I cry. There have been a lot of tears recently as I went through photo albums of family vacations, my daughter at her first ballet recital; my son on his first bike. So many of my good times and memories revolve around "the family", and it's tough to realize "the family" will never been the same. I have a vacation planned with the kids in August, and my daughter said she was sad because she realized mom would never go on vacation with us ever again. Man, my floodgates were open when I heard that.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

I have this problem at work - when I'm frustrated or angry I tend to cry. So, a career coach told me some tricks, one was to look up at a light, another was to try to solve really difficult math problems in my head. This one moves your thought process to the other side of your brain, out of the emotional side. Other tricks, pinch your hand and my favourite, squeeze your buttocks. Not sure how that's supposed to work but, if nothing else, the thought of doing this should turn the tears to laughter!! So, the next time you start crying, think 1, 2, SQUEEZE!!


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

WoeIsMe said:


> I'm a guy and I cry. There have been a lot of tears recently as I went through photo albums of family vacations, my daughter at her first ballet recital; my son on his first bike. So many of my good times and memories revolve around "the family", and it's tough to realize "the family" will never been the same. I have a vacation planned with the kids in August, and my daughter said she was sad because she realized mom would never go on vacation with us ever again. Man, my floodgates were open when I heard that.


 i'm so sorry woe. just reading your post got me tearey eyed. sometimes the things my kids say (and they still think he's out of town for work) just breaks my heart.


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