# Always frustrated



## Forever Frustrated (Apr 11, 2013)

Have taken to looking for advice on a forum as I don't know what else to do.

Have been married for some time, sex has always been an issue, wife has never really placed much importance on sex, this has caused much conflict over the years as I am quite sexually charged.

There were times when we had sex once a month. I would become sexually frustrated to a point of really only wanting sex to release the frustration, more frustration in that I never knew how to approach her leading to more anxiety. 

Things are better, however the matter of approaching her to make love has now become an issue, I am never sure how to do it and still this causes much anxiety. My libido is not nearly the same as it was as a result. It is still not a priority to her, although good when we do make love, it is always the same, she is never really interested in spicing it up, I have tried many things, from buying toys to discussing my fantasisies, however, nothing in return. Same routine all the time. 

I am now still never really confident about approaching her for sex, as mostly I get shut down. So I wait until she is ready, by this time I am so sexually frustrated I sometimes get confrontational about her lack of desire. I don't think I can live with frustration forever


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## Forever Frustrated (Apr 11, 2013)

The thing is, she climaxes quite often, it is an emotional connection for her. I try and uplift her. Always complimenting her and telling how much she means to me, not always with intention of having sex but more to make her feel more confident, but it seems this has reaped few results. 

We have discussed in detail my expectations, her feelings, to a point where she said she would address the issue by seeing a therapist, this didn't happen.

So it's essentially on her terms, with me often nervous on how to approach her when feeling in the mood, so anxiety builds up until I lose my cool...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Nothing worse than putting your wife under pressure. Believe me! It turned my wife completely off. Since you've discussed it at length, she needs to see a therapy or maybe MC. What are the reasons, though? You don't say. You need to force the counselling/therapy issue. If she is prepared to do it, then there is hope.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi Forever Frustrated, i can understand your frustration. nobody likes the feeling of being rejected just because someone "isn't in the mood". to help your wife though, i suggest researching about using foreplay (hugging/ cuddling most especially before and after sex). 

to help you deal with you're frustration, perhaps you can lower your expectation a bit 'coz the more you expect, the more frustrated you get (hence things getting worse), believe me it's for you buddy. try different things to spice things up, maybe set the mood in your bedroom, give your wife some time to adjust and just see what happens. best of luck! - mae (relationshipsguide_gal)


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Forever Frustrated said:


> The thing is, she climaxes quite often, it is an emotional connection for her.


So the actual act of sex is good for her. That's great. We can eliminate that as a reason she is withholding.



> I try and uplift her. Always complimenting her and telling how much she means to me, not always with intention of having sex but more to make her feel more confident, but it seems this has reaped few results.


And why should it? That's not how you seduce a woman. Do yourself a favor and just go to a singles bar/club sometime and watch men and women hook up. The men who successfully seduce women don't do it by telling the women how awesome they are and trying to bolster their confidence.

Your wife has total control of your sex life. You have ceded control of your sexual happiness to her. How much more confident could she be? The last thing you should be doing is making her feel MORE in control. You should reclaim some of the control you have given up.



> We have discussed in detail my expectations, her feelings, to a point where she said she would address the issue by seeing a therapist, this didn't happen.


And it never will. She is happy. She doesn't have a problem. You are the one with the problem. And you are the one that must handle your problem.



> So it's essentially on her terms, with me often nervous on how to approach her when feeling in the mood, so anxiety builds up until I lose my cool...


Don't lose your cool. You need to look at your situation from a detached viewpoint. You and your wife have created this situation. You have allowed her to ignore your sexual needs. So she does. That's not her fault.

If you give a child the choice of eating cookies and ice cream for dinner every night, is it the child's fault for getting fat? I don't think so.

You have to take responsibility for your actions in giving control of your happiness to your wife. Take it back. The good news is that, if you man up and reclaim control over your life, your wife might just be attracted to you and want to have sex with you more often.

Check out Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. for more information on how to succeed in your marriage.

Good luck.


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