# Is this a healthy/normal reason to breakup with someone?



## LostinUS (Jul 28, 2012)

Hello ladies. I was hoping you can help me understand this, since its been bothering me today because of a trigger at work.
When my ex-gf and ?I broke up, she initiated the break up and said it was because i could now have my freedom. She was letting me be "free". This despite saying the day before things were not bad between us. And how she was ready to get married.
I didnt say anything when she ended it. I felt emotionally empty to respond. I did feel like i needed a break from that moment. But I wasn't ready to end it either.
Now, it feels manipulative for what she did. And it made me feel frustrated. 

Maybe she felt like she preferred to do the breaking up with me, than I with her?
This wasn't the first time she did this. Our last breakup a year ago was basically the same thing (and I came running back to her). And several months ago she suggested a seperation. But that time i turned it back on her, asking if she was sure that was what she wanted because i didnt. Then she said she subconsciously believed it was what I wanted.

So why would one sabotage their relationship if that is not what they really wanted ?


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

When she had the marriage talk the day before, how did you respond? Something in there could have made her feel like you wanted to be "free" and weren't in the same place she was.


----------



## LostinUS (Jul 28, 2012)

We had been having arguments about decisions i would make with my kids or mom. And that she insisted she has to be my #1 priority. There was also her jealousy and control regarding how i spent time with my kids, mom and sisters which got worse with her over the last few months. I wanted to.address that in counseling, which we started doing. She wasn't a big fan of counseling, but helped set it up and atteneded. She believed our issues were minor, therefore she felt i was intentionally dragging my feet and stringing her along to avoid marriage. But it wasnt to me. I wanted to work thru it before I proposed. I really loved her and wanted that.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

LostinUS said:


> We had been having arguments about decisions i would make with my kids or mom. And that she insisted she has to be my #1 priority. There was also her jealousy and control regarding how i spent time with my kids, mom and sisters which got worse with her over the last few months. I wanted to.address that in counseling, which we started doing. She wasn't a big fan of counseling, but helped set it up and atteneded. She believed our issues were minor, therefore she felt i was intentionally dragging my feet and stringing her along to avoid marriage. But it wasnt to me. I wanted to work thru it before I proposed. I really loved her and wanted that.


Well I can see how "free" would make sense in her head then but it sounds like you're better off anyway. Your kids would always be your priority (your mom and sister not so much) and maybe she'd never be able to deal with that. She wanted to get married NOW (then lol) and you weren't ready yet. I think you made a good choice to not be ready until the problems were fixed.


----------

