# i cheated and i dont know why



## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

hello, my partner and i have been together for 12 years and have 2 children, 5 weeks ago i made the biggest mistake of my life i betrayed my partner in the most stupid of ways. il try and make this brief.

i worked in a bar/restaurant as a waitress, this 1 night there was a band playing and i thought to myself il stay after work and have a couple of drinks and watch this band for a bit then get the bus home, i sat with a girl whos boyfriend is the manager at this place, anyway i had a couple and went to go home and she said why dont you stay abit longer, which i stupidly agreed to, anyway i ended up staying ther till 4 in the morning, drank more than iv ever drunk in my life ( i dont drink normally). the only people left there was the manager and his girlfriend who live ther and some other bloke, the manager said he was going to lock up so i got up and said im going to flag down a taxi and this other bloke said il walk with you and make sure you get a taxi. my firSt mistake was WHY IN HELL DIDNT YOU PHONE A TAXI???? the second was allowing this person to walk with me, i didnt know him or anything about him, hadnt spoken to him or even looked at him.

in my drunken state i had no care or fear and stupidly started walking with him down the road for 10 minutes wher ther was no talking or nothing, i was concentrating on the path i was walking on and looking out for a taxi, i remember falling over a couple of times. heres wher the biggest regret of my life happens, he crossed my path and nodded his head towards this field, i dont know why but my head just thought yes and followed him and heres wher it gets wierd, its like i went into a daze, in the back of my head i knew what was happening but it was like i was watching a film, like it wasnt me doing it but watching someone else, its hard to explain. i followed into these trees, we stopped, he put his face to mine for a few seconds, took himself out, put a condom on, turned me around and pushed me to the ground, wher i stupidly pulled my stuff down and went through the motions.

the only good thing that happened next is by luck he was very small and wasnt long enough to get anywher near inside me, basicly he was having sex with my legs and it was just hitting the lips. this went on for a few seconds and all of a sudden like someone hitting me in the face i came to, the thought went through my head WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??? i got up so fast and all but run back towards the road while still pulling my stuff back up. i didnt look back and as i got to the road withing 2 seconds a taxi was coming along the road luckily it stopped and i got in.

i dont know why this happened, i showed no interest in him at all, he was ugly, the total opposite of what i find attractive. even when it was happening i didnt show interest,my hands were by my side, i didnt touch him, kiss him, even speak to him.
even when i went to my kness i didnt move a muscle.

i had a long coat on so luckily nothing was on show, and luckily he didnt touch me at all, no bare sking contact at all. my partner says how odd and creepy this is, the fact that he said nothing, didnt try and lift the coat or touch anywher, almost rape like. he didnt even touch me when behind me in anyway.
the whole thing lasted no more than a minute and infact probally only 40 seconds, but 40 seconds seem to have ruined 12 years.

i feel disgusting, so guilty, used, physicly sick, i feel iv ruined everything, im so ashamed. i feel like a fithy dirty hooker.

i keep asking myself WHY did you follow? and i cant find the anser, WHY didnt the thought of your partner or children come to mind, WHY was you so stupid?

my partner and i have spoken about it near enough everyday, i hate talking about it but he deals with it by wanting to know every detail so im dealing with it how he wants, then i will deal with it my way when he is ready, i just want to forget it.

we are working on our relationship, i feel so awfull and guilty, i still see it as cheating even tho there was no sex but this is by luck, the fact that i followed, is betrayel. i have told friends and family as i feel it shouldnt be a dirty secret and i feel i need to be punished for what i have done, even though my own thoughts and guilt are punishment i dont feel its enough.

my partner is hurting as expected and im doing all i can can to help him, i love him so much, i dont know why this has happened, i dont want to be one of those people that use drink as an excuse but i know if i had had a few less drinks or sober, this would not have happened.but either way i cant understand why i was so stupid.

my partner doesnt want to do counseling, is there anything i should be doing to help him through this?

im constantly telling him how sorry i am, always tell him i love him, always there for him when he needs me or wants to talk, my phone is always on if im at work( i left that place by the way, i have a new job), he has all my passwords for emails, facebook etc, but thats never been a problem, i have his passwords but thats not a trust thing
thats just for things like sometimes he puts photos on my facebook etc.

i forgot to say i told him straight away, im truthfull to everything he asks, i just feel so awfull, iv had a bath every day since then and i still feel so dirty and disgusting, even though the smell of condom on my legs is gone, i still feel like i can smell it. im so ashamed of myself and what i have done to my partner and children.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

You remind me of someone.......


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Yeah....about the drinking thing...that's not the reason. That's the excuse.


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Yeah....about the drinking thing...that's not the reason. That's the excuse.


thats what i said, i dont want to use it as an excuse but i also know it wouldnt have happened if i was sober. as hard as it sounds im not not a person that would normally do this, my family is my life. in 12 years iv not so much as looked at another man.

and i know what i have done is the worst thing possible and theres no excuse for that


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

How old are you and where are you from?


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> How old are you and where are you from?


me and my partner are 28 and on the south coast of england


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ok, so you've been with him since you were 16. First things first - you have a full keyboard, thus you have a Shift key to capitalize things like "I" and an apostrophe and spell check to write words like "I've"...You're not 16 anymore and this isn't text chat.

Second, one does not merely walk out and bonk some bloke on the side of the road in the middle of the wee morning hours without ever thinking about doing such. This isn't a movie..this is real life stuff in this forum. So....that's enough from me.


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Ok, so you've been with him since you were 16. First things first - you have a full keyboard, thus you have a Shift key to capitalize things like "I" and an apostrophe and spell check to write words like "I've"...You're not 16 anymore and this isn't text chat.
> 
> Second, one does not merely walk out and bonk some bloke on the side of the road in the middle of the wee morning hours without ever thinking about doing such. This isn't a movie..this is real life stuff in this forum. So....that's enough from me.


the last thing on my mind right now is spelling, and as for the second thing, i know, again thats what i said, i dont understand why i did it, ther must be a reason but i dont know it and cant even think of one as i have no reason to do it.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

cuz you wanted some strange. simple as that. you have been with your guy for 12 years since you were 16. you wanted to feel exhilarated. it happens. good luck. take care.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm no expert but I agree that alcohol is not the story here.

I'd say given your almost robot like willingness to follow and remove your clothing, you're just as messed up as rape-dude. Possibly more.

Maybe speaking to somebody qualified to get to the bottom of it may help. I'm not much help sorry. Reassure your man that this was a 1 off.


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I'm no expert but I agree that alcohol is not the story here.
> 
> I'd say given your almost robot like willingness to follow and remove your clothing, you're just as messed up as rape-dude. Possibly more.
> 
> Maybe speaking to somebody qualified to get to the bottom of it may help. I'm not much help sorry. Reassure your man that this was a 1 off.


my partner has said to me is there any chance he could have put something in your drink, but i just dont know, yes there was times i left my drink unatended but i cant give an anser either way. he did say it was odd that he waited 10 minutes to get me into a field when there wer pleanty of places along the way that was more hidden. again i just dont know. it was odd that i felt in a daze and then everthing in an instant came back to me like a slap in the face, i dont have much experience of drinking this much so i dont know if it was just drink or something else


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

So...are you two in the same room right now or is one of you at work or on a smartphone posting?

What about the CCTV? You say 40 seconds he says 4 minutes.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

You sure he or someone else didn't put anything into your drink???

Your ( stealing a line from my Eagle brethren above me) "robot-like" willingness to follow and remove your clothing sounds alot like someone under the influence of a roofie. Him walking with you, was waiting for it to take affect. 

But i'm just speculating, and there are others on here who may feel like this is letting you off the hook, which is isn't the case. You shouldn't of been drinking with no stranger. So it all starts with that first.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> So...are you two in the same room right now or is one of you at work or on a smartphone posting?
> 
> What about the CCTV? You say 40 seconds he says 4 minutes.


Actually to be precise it 45 seconds. Also i got hold of the CCTV about a week and a half after it happened and she gave me honest answers, i only told her i had the video a week ago so i could ask all i could possibly think of to make sure she didn't lie.


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

Rob774 said:


> You sure he or someone else didn't put anything into your drink???
> 
> Your ( stealing a line from my Eagle brethren above me) "robot-like" willingness to follow and remove your clothing sounds alot like someone under the influence of a roofie. Him walking with you, was waiting for it to take affect.
> 
> But i'm just speculating, and there are others on here who may feel like this is letting you off the hook, which is isn't the case. You shouldn't of been drinking with no stranger. So it all starts with that first.


i dont know if i was drugged or not, i cant be sure either way. i wasnt drinking with him, i didnt even speak to him. the last hour there was 4 people left in the bar, theres a really long table in ther i was sitting 1 end with a girl at the the other end was her boyfriend and this other guy.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Why don't you just own up to the sh!t you created?

If I drank, got in a car wreck, and killed someone, I am going to prison for a very long time. Why? Because I made the decision to drink and drive. A stupid, irresponsible decision, but still my decision. 

The drinking doesn't change it. 

You got drunk. You saw a hot guy. You let him walk you home. You were drunk, thought he was hot, and wanted to have sex with him because you were so tired of what you had at home because you have had it for 12 years. You wanted to taste something different. 
And now you are either lying to both your boyfriend and us about how good the sex was, or you realize how awesome your boyfriend at home was, and are scared to death he'll leave you. 

I don't see a woman wanting to take blame for her actions here. 
I see a woman pointing to alcohol and saying "This is why I cheated! Be upset with me, but angry at this!"


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

This is rape...


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Why don't you just own up to the sh!t you created?
> 
> If I drank, got in a car wreck, and killed someone, I am going to prison for a very long time. Why? Because I made the decision to drink and drive. A stupid, irresponsible decision, but still my decision.
> 
> ...


not every story is the same, this is not how it would have happened in the slightest


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How long back was this ?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

You're a waitress in a bar and you left your drink unattended?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

anna28 said:


> not every story is the same, this is not how it would have happened in the slightest


Is it?

Then either you have zero street smarts because like Counte said, you are a waitress at a bar, and left your drink unattended. Not saying you invited it, but you should know that guys will do stupid things. Doesn't make it right, but it does happen. I am sure since you work in a bar you have either seen it first hand happen to your patrons/friends, and now it has happened to you. 

Or I am right. 

Unless there is another angle I am missing here.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Read her "partner's" Mark1121 thread on here first... before anyone else responds to this thread.


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> How long back was this ?


it was 28th oct


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> You're a waitress in a bar and you left your drink unattended?


i dont know, its possable but i just dont know


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Sounds like rape to me too. And most likely he slipped a roofie in your drink... I have seen this story before too.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I'm not buying the roofie story. 

If you were drugged you most likely would've gone all the way as people under the effect are largely listless for quite some time. 

While you may have been able to stop, your response of spontaneously springing to your feet and rushing to the street for a taxi within a minute of it starting is highly implausible if not impossible under the influence of a date rape drug. 

You got very drunk and had an affair. 

Start from there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rob774 said:


> Read her "partner's" Mark1121 thread on here first... before anyone else responds to this thread.


Mark must have deletd his thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what did Mark have to say?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

anna28 said:


> the only good thing that happened next is by luck he was very small and wasnt long enough to get anywher near inside me, basicly he was having sex with my legs and it was just hitting the lips. this went on for a few seconds and all of a sudden like someone hitting me in the face i came to, the thought went through my head WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??? i got up so fast and all but run back towards the road while still pulling my stuff back up. i didnt look back and as i got to the road withing 2 seconds a taxi was coming along the road luckily it stopped and i got in.
> 
> .


This sounds like a " date rape " druggie thing to me.
Its attempted rape.
[ Also they didn't talk much]
I think the amount of alcohol and the feeling of embarrassment is clouding her memory.
OP, make a report to the police and speak to the owner of the pub. 
Maybe they can ID the man.
The CC TV records are there to back up your side of the story.
Also if the neighbourhood has CC TV surveillance you would have additional evidence to support your case.

Of course, this is if the account you have given is indeed factual.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It does sound like a set up. 

Mark112

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/62219-my-girlfriend-cheated-any-advice-welcomed.html


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> it does sound like a set up.
> 
> Mark112
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/62219-my-girlfriend-cheated-any-advice-welcomed.html


why bother making something up???????


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> So what did Mark have to say?


Its still up there.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

anna28 said:


> why bother making something up???????


Because who checks the genitals of the person they are with???

If i was some woman, and a man did this... i'm out the door. This is beyond disrespect, i don't care what you do.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I can't believe no one is calling them out on the drugged story. 

Hasn't anyone ever read the symptoms of roofies or GHB?

I find this sudden realization and mad dash to a cab highly suspect. 

On either of those drugs the victim probably would've taken several minutes just to rouse themselves off the ground.


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

Kasler said:


> I can't believe no one is calling them out on the drugged story.
> 
> Hasn't anyone ever read the symptoms of roofies or GHB?
> 
> ...


i never said i was drugged, the truth is i dont know but yes if i was drugged surely after a min i couldnt just snap out of it. this is the problem i cant find a reason in myself why i followed into a field and why i did what i did. im not trying to make up any excuses i know what i did is terrable


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Stop working in bars.
Don't drink alone.
Consider a two drink limit.

T


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

Tony55 said:


> Stop working in bars.
> Don't drink alone.
> Consider a two drink limit.
> 
> T


i work in a sanwich bar now, daytime hours, 3 female staff, will never drink like that again, and probally wont go to a bar without my partner or someone we both trust


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

anna28 said:


> why bother making something up???????


I mean your story sounds like you were set up?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

anna28 said:


> i work in a sanwich bar now, daytime hours, 3 female staff, will never drink like that again, and probally wont go to a bar without my partner or someone we both trust


Good for the job change. Don't go to bars without your partner, period. Stay away from that lifestyle.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Hmmm...I suspect I was drugged one time, and have almost no memory at all of the incident. I lost about 8-10 hours of my life that night and woke up in the morning in a hotel room. It's still completely black except for one brief memory of bouncing off the walls while being led down a brightly lit corridor and stairs at some point - which would indicate to me that the person who did it was avoiding taking me by the front desk, as it would have been clear to any onlookers that I was almost completely incapacitated.

There's no way I would have been able to participate to the extent that the OP did, removing clothing, walking, and getting into a cab. I must have been like a dead body...


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## anna28 (Dec 3, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Good for the job change. Don't go to bars without your partner, period. Stay away from that lifestyle.


i will never put myself in that position again, ever.


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## DedicatedDad (Nov 11, 2012)

I was a Disc Jockey at a nightclub for 7 years, I've heard this story 100 times. Drinking lowers your inhibitions. Married women drinking too much is a recipe for disaster. However, almost every case I've seen, the drinking isn't really the cause when a married woman ends up getting it on with a stranger, there's always usually something else deeper involved, the drinking just brings it out.

The drug thing may or may not have happened. You've got alcohol, music, lights, dancing (which is just an imitation of sex), and a bunch of horny men. In other words, you've got the perfect storm. The entire atmosphere is a breeding ground for casual sex. The truth of the matter is, married women who work in bars or visit bars on a regular basis, are one night stands waiting to happen. It's not a question of IF it will happen, it's just a matter of WHEN. 

Good Luck


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It's not a mistake, it's a choice. There was NOTHING good about this. 1 minute or not, small penis or big. Drunk or sober. These are ALL excuses for your poor judgment. 

Talk to your husband when he wants to talk. Don't rug sweep this situation. There are a lot of people who don't fess up. The best thing you did was tell your spouse right away. Your very lucky your husband is working on the relationship, he really loves you. I'm not sure if your in therapy or not, but it would be a good idea to find a good therapist for yourself even if your husband refuses to go.

I would of walked out no matter how long the marriage was. I've been married for 12 years and I adore my husband. If he ever cheats on me it's the end. I left my first marriage due to being cheated on. There wasn't even a second where I thought to work it out.

Also get tested for STD's. It sounds like you didn't use a condom. Even if you did, they are not fool proof.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

She wasn't drugged, she was probably in shock that it was happening and it was a deer staring at headlights for those 45 sec to 1 minute.

Once her brain finally processed what was happening and what she was about to do then she panicked.

Too much alcohol, made a dumb choice and luckily things didn't go all the way.

I'm wondering, since he was not attractive at all (most likely what made her panic), if the guy was very attractive would she have gone all the way?

Good for leaving that job. If it didn't happen that time, it would have eventually happened at some other time.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> Ok, so you've been with him since you were 16. First things first - you have a full keyboard, thus you have a Shift key to capitalize things like "I" and an apostrophe and spell check to write words like "I've"...You're not 16 anymore and this isn't text chat.
> 
> *Second, one does not merely walk out and bonk some bloke on the side of the road in the middle of the wee morning hours without ever thinking about doing such*.You would be surprised to come to find,how many ugly dude´s out there.Just waiting to "follow" drunk women to a cab..And at least try that..But however didn't some one already post this awhile ago?
> 
> ...


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> This is rape...


Bend´s over and pulls down her own under ware to make it easy´r?:scratchhead:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Ok, so you've been with him since you were 16. First things first - you have a full keyboard, thus you have a Shift key to capitalize things like "I" and an apostrophe and spell check to write words like "I've"...You're not 16 anymore and this isn't text chat.
> 
> Second, one does not merely walk out and bonk some bloke on the side of the road in the middle of the wee morning hours without ever thinking about doing such. This isn't a movie..this is real life stuff in this forum. So....that's enough from me.


And capitalise is not spelt with a zed, at least, not if you are from South East England. And any more is two words not one..

But now something serious...

*op you are so lucky you were not raped and killed!

Do you think there is a possibility that you were set up by others at the club? If so, time to change jobs and friends. Now!*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> Bend´s over and pulls down her own under ware to make it easy´r?:scratchhead:


Under UK law if a woman is substantially impaired by alcohol, it would still probably be rape. Long time since I studied law, (heck, 30 years ago!) but I think that's how it is.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kasler said:


> I can't believe no one is calling them out on the drugged story.
> 
> Hasn't anyone ever read the symptoms of roofies or GHB?
> 
> ...


Oh, really? A sudden realisation I was seconds away from cheating on my wife after a night of heavy drinking and then not having sex with the OW is exactly what happened to me. I instantly sobered up, too. Odd feeling, that, being smashed out of your brains, then stone cold sober in an instant.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Under UK law if a woman is *substantially impaired by alcohol*, it would still probably be rape. Long time since I studied law, (heck, 30 years ago!) but I think that's how it is.


10 min of walk with a creep..Does not sound that drunk to me

How far was that taxi...But You could be right..I don't know...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> 10 min of walk with a creep..Does not sound that drunk to me
> 
> How far was that taxi...But You could be right..I don't know...


You know, I think that man might have done this before at that bar. Wonder how many other times he has been helped in this way by contacts there?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> You know, I think that man might have done this before at that bar. *Wonder how many other times he has been helped in this way by contacts there?*


 i have no doubt this bar some other it has happen, before



*Second, one does not merely walk out and bonk some bloke on the side of the road in the middle of the wee morning hours without ever thinking about doing such*.You would be surprised to come to find,how many ugly dude´s out there.Just waiting to "follow" drunk women to a cab..And at least try that..But however didn't some one already post this awhile ago? 

The bolded part was my response to someday dig


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She did not actively seek him out.. She went along with his lead and actions. She was in a daze and her decision making was totally impaired.. She went along with what he was doing without actually realizing what it was.. Never seen anyone get blackout drunk ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> She did not actively seek him out.. She went along with his lead and actions. She was in a daze and her decision making was totally impaired.. She went along with what he was doing without actually realizing what it was.. Never seen anyone get blackout drunk ?


Anyone here start out walking from a bar and next thing wake up in bed the next day without any idea how you got home? It happened to me, once.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> i have no doubt this bar some other it has happen, before
> 
> 
> 
> ...


There are similar stories of relationship tragedies all over TAM...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> She did not actively seek him out.. She went along with his lead and actions. She was in a daze and her decision making was totally impaired.. She went along with what he was doing without actually realizing what it was.. Never seen anyone get blackout drunk ?


If she blacked out, she would not of remembered anything. There is no excuse for cheating ever. The best you can do is tell the spouse and let them decide what's next.

Not everyone forgives cheating! Especially if you've been cheated on by your spouse in the past.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Anna and I both came on here yesterday as a couple to share our story to see the opinions of others on here, in return some of you cant seem to understand that despite what happened, we still have a strong bond of love and our capable of doing this as a couple. instead a percentage of the small minded people on here message us saying its all fake, your the same person ect.

Not every story is the same, all because someone has cheated, it does not mean they wanted to cheat or they actively went out to cheat, in some cases it really can be a stupid drunken mistake or being taken advantage of. If she really wanted to cheat she would not have got up and run away within a few seconds, she would have participated and so on.

Thank you to people such as MattMatt and warlock07 who seem to understand the situation and that not every story has the same intentions behind it, i understand that if you have been cheated on you will have the mentality of she cheated because she wanted to but this isn't your situation and it is different.

Had she of been sober it would not have happened, had the taxi came passed two minutes later this would not have happened, had he not initiated anything this would not have happened. Despite what you think, cheating is not in her DNA.

Suffice to say, she left her job straight after, she has no contact with the place or people in it, she has said that she will never go out drinking again unless im there, she will never put herself in that position ever again.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mark112,
I would still advise that you pursue you legal options, and find the perp.
I also personally think that he tried to take advantage of her.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> mark112,
> I would still advise that you pursue you legal options, and find the perp.
> I also personally think that he tried to take advantage of her.


We did talk yesterday about phoning the police, the problem is we don't know anything about him and also stupidly i had her throw away everything she had that night, clothes, bag and contents. I didn't want anything to remind me of it. plus im not sure if either of us want to drag it out and remind us of it everyday.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Oh, really? A sudden realisation I was seconds away from cheating on my wife after a night of heavy drinking and then not having sex with the OW is exactly what happened to me. I instantly sobered up, too. Odd feeling, that, being smashed out of your brains, then stone cold sober in an instant.


What the hell does that have to do with sedative/depressive and hypnotic drug?

Read the post completely. 

If you're drugged this sudden realization and instant burst to action, yeah thats NOT happening. 

She got drunk, made a horrible choice, no need to make anyone more out of something so common.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mark112 said:


> We did talk yesterday about phoning the police, the problem is we don't know anything about him and also stupidly i had her throw away everything she had that night, clothes, bag and contents. I didn't want anything to remind me of it. plus im not sure if either of us want to drag it out and remind us of it everyday.


Well all you can do now is try to move on.
she has a different job now, try to use this opportunity to set new and stronger boundaries so that this does not repeat itself.

Best wishes in the future with your relationship!


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well all you can do now is try to move on.
> she has a different job now, try to use this opportunity to set new and stronger boundaries so that this does not repeat itself.
> 
> Best wishes in the future with your relationship!


Thank you Caribbean Man


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Just to update, we have now phoned the police who are going to investigate the piece of scum


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Mark112, Sorry but this is clearly NOT rape, and any likelyhood of any residual chemicals in her bloodstream are remote. If you thought that this was a drug situation, you should have gone to hospital and had her checked ASAP, for "date rape" drugs. All Chemicals leave some trace, but it doesn't last very long. 
Lets examine what happened. She left with ugly guy, voluntarily. She walked with him, voluntarily. She agreed to slip off into the field, voluntarily. She removed her own knickers, voluntarily. She allowed him to mount her, voluntarily. Plus, you cannot prove that ugly guy gave her any drugs. This is a lost cause. Before you do anything rash, you need to be aware that if you cannot prove anything, ugly guy might just take you to civil court and sue your butt. You would be better served by working on your relationship and making sure that your GF has proper boundaries regarding men and alcohol, and finding out why she allowed this to happen. If she had been drugged, she wouldn't have remembered all of those details. She isn't being completely honest with you. Sorry.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

neither of us said she was drugged, other people have said this on here, the police have begun an investigation as we speak, there is cctv both in the pub and where it took place, if and i mean IF there was any drugging involved the cctv will show this, however we are not under any illusions that this is the case. also i have no concerns of her lying, she has given a statement to the police with me there, she is certainly not someone who would lie about something like this to the police, she is quite aware that lies like this to the police would end up with her butt in jail.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

No she wasn't drugged. I don't see why this is an issue. One look at the effects of most common date rape drugs rule out her whole story of being drugged. 

She did everything voluntarily, multiple actions of quick and coherent thought and has memory of the entire event. 

Saying she could do all that while date rape drugged is like saying I could do my taxes under the effects of heroin. 

There was no drugging, just a woman getting drunk and cheating. 

Like someone else said, inside of opening yourself up for a lawsuit, face the simple fact that your wife cheated and then hid behind alcohol and a false drug story(she certainly didn't deter the way of thinking), and start working on your marriage.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

you people must be thick, neither of us said she was, this is the last message i will writing on this site that full of people that try to hurt people more than need be, not every situation is the same


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## Yessongs72 (Dec 6, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Under UK law if a woman is substantially impaired by alcohol, it would still probably be rape. Long time since I studied law, (heck, 30 years ago!) but I think that's how it is.


If it was probably rape in the UK 30 years ago then its definitely rape nowadays - there have been convictions for impared judgement rapes in last couple of years which 30 years ago wouldn't have even got to court.


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## Yessongs72 (Dec 6, 2012)

mark112 said:


> you people must be thick, neither of us said she was, this is the last message i will writing on this site that full of people that try to hurt people more than need be, not every situation is the same


Not thick Mark - Damaged, and everyone draws on their own experience (often betrayal) in judging other's situations.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Makes me wonder of the druken ONS's I had in my single days. Any women who I had sex with could accuse me of rape even though we both consented to have sex when drunk. I guess I could also say I got raped by some women.
I hope this isn't a case of her falsely accusing this man to excuse her actions. Touchy subject and somebody life could be drastically headed down the drain because of this.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Honest opinion, Mark and Anna seem to be the same person. Does nobody else feel like a jackass for reading through the entire thread?


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

I have a question, nobody has pointed too yet (i dont think..)

Mark, your wife/parnter, was at the bar until 4am, heavily toxicated, she says this is totally out of her character, and never drinks, never is in that type of crowd... my question is, were you not concerned for her well being that night? I mean, did you not talk to her (repeatedly??), heard her state, anything????

Moving forward though, why did you guys not go back to the bar(the next day-a week later) and ask who she left with, surely SOMEONE knows who that man is and saw you leave with him?


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## malkuth (Dec 28, 2012)

you are guilty as much as you can be. 

still this is a fact that anyone can do bad things. If you are sincerely feeling guilty and don't run away from punishment, I think it is because it is really a "mistake" for you. you say that you told this everyone and didn't try to cover it. these are things that a good person will do. you have given your partner a chance to choose by telling the truth. I believe that you can be a good partner for someone in the future . but the fact that you may lose your respect for your partner if he forgives you, so the only person that can know if you will be good for your betrayed partner is "you". 

wish your boyfriend the best and never forget that what you did was very cheap. I wouldn't like to be with someone that is so easy for other people to get. this is worse that cheating.


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