# How did you get your spouse to be open to reconciliation



## newlywed_heartbroken

Hey all,

For those of you who have reconciled after separation or are in the process of reconciling, can you tell me how you convinced your spouse to give it another shot?

I'm currently going through a separation after only 2 months of marriage (but 5 years of living together before that) and my husband has moved to another city where he has been working, and refuses to speak with me about anything to do with our relationship. He gave his notice to our landlord that he is coming off of the lease and doesn't even want to consider reconciliation right now.

He does come back into town about once a week to visit his kids from a previous marriage, and last time he was in town, he stopped by our place, and we talked, he cried, kept hugging me, said he loved me still, but then took some of his stuff and left. I tried calling him yesterday to try to talk about giving us a second chance and he refused to discuss it, said he was done and hung up on me, then refused to respond to me at all the rest of the day.

I'm so confused and scared. Everything was great up until a month ago and he just snapped. I think there is more to the situation than he is telling me, I think he may be bi-polar (previous attempts in counselling where he wasn't officially diagnosed but they thought it could be it) but he is refusing to admit there is anything wrong with him, he is just blaming everything on me. The last month he has just become a completely different person. I don't even recognize him anymore.

For those that have been successful in reconciling, was your spouse ever adamant about not getting back together? How did they come around? Was there anything you said or did to make them come around or did you just give it time? How long did it take for your spouse to consider reconciliation? Was it your idea or theirs?

Any feedback, any personal stories would really help me right now. I am feeling very hopeless and lost and hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Somehow in my heart I know he still loves me. I even watched our wedding video to see if he wasn't happy or if he was just faking but it was pure, genuine love and then a month after the wedding, we had a fight and he snapped saying he is done.


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## KrisAmiss

I don't know about reconciling cuz me demanding that he prioritize his parenting responsibilities has worked for the child but not our relationship. Anyway.

I do know about bipolar. Often this person is in strong denial and isn't just avoiding the diagnosis, but doesn't see it at all. The moods go up and down. If he takes meds, he may stop once he feels better. It's typical. He blames you and he means it. But he's sick. If he had a high fever and hallucinated, you would accept that it wasn't your fault if he thought you were a green goblin. He was just sick. He can get better.

The problem is he's doing well enough to be out in the world, wreaking havoc, but it may not be in his control. You have to assume it's not his fault if this is the case. Anyone who thinks we all control our actions just doesn't know.

The good news is you were with him for such a long period and all was well, he can be treated and most likely can live a very normal life. The bad news is it's hard to pin this one down. For one, you're not sure it's bipolar. And there he is, out doing whatever he's doing.

You're helping me kind of see the it's-not-you-it's-me concept. You think you've done something wrong and you can fix it. But it's not you - it's him. His chemistry for whatever reason is off. You can be patient and kind and understanding... but it's up to him to fix it. As everyone tells me, work on yourself. Feed you. Easier said than done.


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