# Son passed away, need help dealing with this



## DMM

My 4 month old son died recently in his sleep, the doctors said it was from SIDS, and since then i cant help but feel like it was my fault he died because i came home from work in the morning, my wife made sure he was sleep before she left for work so i fell asleep too. hours later she gets off work and comes in, i woke up jumping out of bed because i had not heard him cry or whine like he usually did. I checked him in his bassinet and there he was, dead. Since i have to walk around the house at night and make sure everyone is breathing and still alive, its become a habit now and its killing me inside and i just dont know what to do because now one talks about it in the house at all.


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## Angus1985

I am so sorry for your loss! I have no advice to give you as I cannot imagine what your family is going through. I have never experienced loss of this magnitude. 

You and your wife may think about seeing a grief counselor. I wish you all the best.


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## richie33

My condolences. You and your wife need to see a grief counselor as soon as possible. You may be experiencing PTSD.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

DMM said:


> My 4 month old son died recently in his sleep, the doctors said it was from SIDS, and since then i cant help but feel like it was my fault he died because i came home from work in the morning, my wife made sure he was sleep before she left for work so i fell asleep too. hours later she gets off work and comes in, i woke up jumping out of bed because i had not heard him cry or whine like he usually did. I checked him in his bassinet and there he was, dead. Since i have to walk around the house at night and make sure everyone is breathing and still alive, its become a habit now and its killing me inside and i just dont know what to do because now one talks about it in the house at all.


I just can't imagine the pain you are going through. That is a parent's worst nightmare. I agree that you should see a grief counselor. You have to work through it before it tears you and your family apart. Although it is easy to fall into the 'what if' trap, it is NOT your fault.


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## unbelievable

"It Is Well With My Soul" By The Isaacs (2008) - YouTube

I can't even imagine your pain and my heart goes out to you, my friend. God holds the keys to life and death. I pray He gives you freedom from any guilt and just surrounds you with His peace and love. 
Of all the deaths I've investigated, SIDS has to be the hardest. There just doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason. We can't understand everything and I don't believe we're meant to. I do trust that God is in His heaven and he feels every bit of grief, guilt, and pain you do over this. His only son died, too. Because of that gift, your separation from your son doesn't have to be forever.


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## Anon Pink

I am so very sorry for your loss! So tragic! SIDS is the most frightening thing out there. I think your need to check your kids is normal and natural reaction to the horror of losing an infant. I cannot imagine the pain, nor can I imagine that it could ever go away. I guess it's like every other kind of loss, eventually you get used to the pain.

Grief is not something two people experience the same way. I'm glad you came here and posted. This is a safe place to post and no one will judge you for how you are coping or what it happening. 

I hold you in my thoughts and send you strength, peace of mind, and an open heart. Your son will not be forgotten. He lived and he was loved!


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## Lonely&frustrated

DMM, I can't imagine how drained, sad, hurt, lonely, angry.etc... you must feel, i wish i could give you hugs to you and your family. The thing about death is that its something that will never go away, the minute we are born we are dying. It doesn't matter if you were awake or in other room, it may have even been a different day that it happened, we just have no control over when our time is up. You will beat yourself up over the what if's, but it wasn't for you to decide, it wasn't anyone's choice. It's ok to hurt, it's ok to cry, it's ok to be angry, that IS normal, there is no time limit on when it SHOULD stop, just take it one day at a time, maybe even 5 minutes at a time. Please go talk to someone, it's ok to lean on others!! My heart goes out to you and your family, I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I will pray for you and hope you feel his love wrap around you.


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## mablenc

I am so sorry for your loss, my parents loses my older sister that way too, I worry still after 30 plus years later because I don't think they grieved about her death. She was three months at the time. My mom still freaks out if someone oversleeps.

Please stop blaming your self, you did nothing wrong. It's unfortunate that these things happen, and I can't imagine your pain.
If you feel up to it, you can visit these two websites for support:
Home Page
The CJ Foundation for SIDS

Also, if your employer has an employee asitance program you should contact them, they will find you counseling maybe individual and family, and even support groups. 

Please don't be affaid to seek help, you have been trough a terrible tragey. 

I insist that you stop blaming yourself, I will keep you and your family I'm my thoughts and prayers. Please post as often as you need to, we are here to help. Hugs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zulnex

Please accept my sincere condolences. 
I agree as well, talking to a grief counselor would be good for both of you.
I will pray for you and your family.


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## GTdad

I'm sorry, DMM. Hugs, brother.


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## daisygirl 41

So sorry for your loss. Please know you were not to blame for this.
Your family would benefit from grief counselling.
Hugs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omgitsjoe

My most sincerest condolences  it's difficult to understand but blaming yourself is wrong and may God give you strength to get thru this !


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## EleGirl

I'm am so very sorry for your loss. Losing your child is a nightmare. I lost twins at birth so I have a bit of an idea of what you are going through. 

You and your wife do need to deal with this head on because if you don't it can rip your family apart. Grief counseling is a very good idea. There are also support groups for parents who experience the loss of a baby. I'm sure there is one in your area. We went to one for a year or so. It really did help to talk to others how have gone through something similar.

Please stop blaming yourself. There is most likely nothing you could have done differently to save your child. SIDS is terrible for that very reason. There is no indication of a problem. So there is nothing you can do.


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## Lyris

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. In Australia there is a great organization Bereavement Support | Sids and Kids. If you're not in Australia, maybe there is something similar.


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## Very Sad

I'm so sorry.....I know you feel like it's your fault. You are going to feel that because as parents we feel like we need to protect our kids. There are just some things you cannot protect them from. This is not your fault. You wouldn't have been able to save him unless you sat in there and watched him breathe every minute of every day. Even then, you probably couldn't have saved him. It'll take time, but eventually you'll be able to see it. It's just that protective instinct you can't avoid. Take care of yourself and you wife. :0(


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## heartsbeating

It wasn't your fault and I'm so very sorry for you and your family.


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## Thewife

My deepest condolences to you and your family Nothing that we say will make it better, you both need counseling and please look for forum where you can meet other parents who have lost their child. Your son will be resting in peace. 

See if this forum is of any use. 

Home, Grieving Parents, Lost a Child - Loss Of A Child


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## thelonelywife

I am so, so sorry for your loss  I lost an infant too. Not to SIDS, but I know the guilt and pain of thinking it must be your fault, something you did. It's not. SIDS is such a cruel thing in that even if you were in the room with your baby at that very moment, there is nothing you could have done to save your child. Nothing. It's impossible for us as parents to accept it, but it's true. It sounds to me like you are suffering from PTSD. There is no shame in that. I went to therapy twice weekly for two years, then weekly, then monthly, now not at all. I did a type of therapy called EMDR. Look up EMDR therapists in your area. It saved my life. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. It will be a long time until your heart begins to heal, for me it was nearly two years before I realized I would survive this, but you will. And your child will always be there with you in spirit. If you are open to it, they will find ways to let you know this. Also, it's okay if you and your wife grieve differently. That's normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so long as you respect each other. Remember that in the days ahead. My heart goes out to you. I'm so, so sorry.


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