# How to deal with missing physical/sex aspect?



## Struggle Within (Mar 1, 2011)

I've found myself getting sort of down lately because now I'm lacking something that I had in marriage.

Quick background on me - (Married 5 years - now separated 5 months due to cheating/alcoholic wife)

I don't miss my wife at all. At first I wasn't missing anything at all and learning to enjoy my new freedom, but now in just a few short months I find myself missing the physical companionship, from something as simple as laying by each other on the couch watching a movie together... to yes, missing sex. I had it any time I wanted (almost too much), and now, nothing.

But seriously, I feel I can only get so much outta getting myself off to movies on the internet. That only goes so far. I do not have the opportunity to meet people at my work. The 3-4 close guy friends I have are in relationships and they don't know any women or have much advice either. Sitting in bars just waiting around isn't my thing. I don't feel like posting on a dating site yet because I can't actually file for divorce until next month. Most women won't touch you if you are still hitched in some way. 

I'm sure there are others of you that have dealt with or perhaps going through the same right now too. Any advice on how to handle this? What have you done to deal with it? Feel free to suggest anything, even mental suggestions. Send a private message if its something you don't feel like posting public. Do any adult sites actually work? I dunno.. just brainstorming I guess....

So this is bumming me out now. I feel like catching a plane to Nevada so i can buy a quick fling. Am I thinking into this too much? I guess I need to distract myself more... I was doing so good.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dont mess with no one until the divorce is final because that makes you the person that you despise. Just do the best you can under the circumstances lol plus it will take that aspect out where you its not something you have to have all the time.


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## dazedbeauty (Sep 25, 2010)

I agree with Lostouthere. Don't do anything until the divorce is final. Your situation may be lonely, but it's not impossible. Be patient with the process and eventually things will change for the better. 
Don't do "hook ups" because they are demeaning, confusing, and the possibility of disease, plus if you do that with someone you don't want around all the time...what a mess!


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## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

I understand exactly what you are feeling. It's been a LONG dry spell for me - the last time my husband and I had sex was May 2003 and there's never been anyone but him. I was also OK for a while - quite a long while actually - but lately I'm missing not only an emotional connection with someone but also the intimacy you can only get when a physical connection is added to the emotional one. I have NO interest whatsoever in casual sex or porn use. There's just too much missing. And just a warning - fantasy sex/relationships can ruin you for the real thing, because no real life lover can ever be as perfect as the lovers in your daydreams.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Masturbation. Or you could get prostitute like you mentioned though personally I wouldn't. No one has ever died from not having sex. You could use those websites to find someone who wants no strings attched sex but be careful causee there's a lot of diseases out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Struggle Within said:


> I've found myself getting sort of down lately because now I'm lacking something that I had in marriage.
> 
> Quick background on me - (Married 5 years - now separated 5 months due to cheating/alcoholic wife)
> 
> ...


Ever heard of a fleshlight? It helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Struggle Within (Mar 1, 2011)

Appreciate all the replies, everyone. I actually thought more people would have trouble with this. Perhaps with most people in the midst of separation/divorce, it's the last thing on their minds. I can understand that. 

I've been living on my own so I guess that has been accelerating those feelings for me.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

I think it depends onthe situation in marriage. In my marriage my sex life was good, and pretty consistant. It was never a toubled area for us. My H cheated on me, but began it with an emotional affair. We had sex until the day before I left home, even after 6 weeks of knowing abut the EA/PA. I had thought that the connection we had sexually might be enough to pull us through the turmoil of the affair, but I was wrong.

I'm having a hard time with the loss of sexual activity. I'm also 5 months pregnant so hormones are running high, so I'm not sure exactly where to place the blame. However, I am not willing to jump into something physical with anyone else yet. In fact, Ifind myself having sexual fantasies about my stbxh more now that I did when we were married. 

My answer.. masterbation. It works and you don't have to worry about diseases or emaotion attachments before your ready to commit.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Makes you wonder - do people learn to appreciate the little subtleties of "touch" more the 2nd time around? The hand holding, snuggling, etc.,?

Can't really do that stuff by yourself.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

niceguy - very true.. the sexual aspect is just one side.. being held is actually a more inimate act. I definitely miss it more than anything.


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