# A weird and hard story.



## DK91 (May 2, 2012)

*Long and complicated as any relationship*

I think I'll start saying that this was not a marriage, I don't know how important that is or how much you can help me, but believe me, I've searched almost everywhere and I can't seem to find a good answer.

My ex and I met around 1 year and a half ago in a country that was not ours, he's from one and I'm from another and we met in a third country, France. We were just friends, at first we didn't even liked each other. I was going through a hard moment emotionally after meeting someone else who I really liked for only some weeks and watching this person go. And found comfort in him and he was then, able to give me some support. We felt in love and when he came back to his country we kept in touch and soon we realized we both missed the other more and more. So we talked and we decided to give it a try. He was definitely my first love. We were together for around 10 months

He rushed his thesis just to comeback to France and be with me. We lived together for the very start, around 4 moths until he had to move out to another city, Paris, to continue studies. We both made it clear that we never looked for a short-term relationship and that we saw future in being with the other. We had some troubles on the way, as his parents not accepting me completely, he being jealous of me maybe not completely over this other person I talked about, a huge problem when I thought for a moment that he was using me to be back to France for free, learn a new language and having help which I told him and he obviously freaked out but we manage to work it out, we realized along the 10 months that I was "traumatized" with the thought that I wasn't worthy of some things and that our relationship was too perfect to be real or not to end in heartbreak for me. I started loving him and so did he, but there were moments where loved would stop for a day and he'd said he didn't think we were completely compatible, each and every time we managed to get back together in less than 2 days. After moving to Paris, his ambitions woke up a new fear in me, I was supposed to go back to my country in less than 5 moths then and I let him know that maybe one day his ambitions and dreams would take him to places I'd may not able to follow him, that I was whiling to follow him everywhere but I was scared that he'd chose a destination impossible for me to do so. So he started thinking about us more seriously, as getting a work in one of this 3 countries, moving together after coming back to my country figuring out someway to go back to France, thinking about some other country in which we could be together, we were really committed to make it work. His new studies started and he had less time, he soon started working and also had less time, we would travel to each other on weekends and it was all great, except maybe for a couple of times when we would be upset to each other for some little stuff and we'd go back home upset, but again we always figured it out. It was my turn to come back to my country. And on my last day he throw the first bomb, he said that he didn't want to break up with me cause he loved me but that he knew he was week to handle the distance. That he could see that I was whiling to make everything for the relationship to work even being apart but that he was not strong enough to make the same. I cried and felt terrible, it was my last day with him and I was scared of this, I panicked, in a matter of minutes he took me and said to forget bout what he said, that he promised to don't leave me.

Well, as you can see by now it was always me who'd cry or beg or try to fix things and make things work, by being physically there, but once I was gone things changed since I was not able to do it. half of january, february and half of march went incredibly good. No fights, we talked every day, we were telling each other "i miss you" and "i love you" very naturally and our chats were great. In march he had internet problems and we couldn't talk for some days. After a while we managed to talk and he as angry with his work, with his uni and some other stuff, we were fine but he was angry with everything else, I tried to help but being far away there was just so much I could do and I felt like he was starting to upset so I asked to talk another day better, he said ok, he said he love me in an "I'm sorry for my behavior" way. A week passed and I didn't get a single message from him, email, sms, post, nothing. I felt abruptly abandoned. He changed his phone number without letting me know, he had other 3 cellphones to which he didn't answered and there was no skype, email or facebook. I sent him an email saying how I felt about it, but I told him I loved him and that it was just matter of knowing he loved me too to forget about it. What I got some days after was a break up email. Saying he had problems with connection and that he used that time to think and got scared on how serious and committed our relation was. He said he was not sure he wanted what we previously wanted and that he was scared of me going back to Paris, living together and having something going wrong. He said he hopped to speak about it but he had made a final decision so he asked me not to asked him to stay with me cause that would make me suffer. After 2 days, we talked, I was in a shock by then. Things around me started to fell apart too, really huge problems with my mother, my sister, friends, school etc, and then this, and for 2 days we talked but he prohibited me to ask him to stay or to call him for fear of me crying and losing control, we did all writing on skype, and I did begged him to stay and begged him to let me talk to him. He was being really cold as saying "I'm not reading what you say", "I wanna go sleep soon", "I'm not changing my mind", and never gave me an actual reason or talked about the ones he mentioned in the email. I was alone those days at my house and out of nowhere I considered suicide, I told him that, and he got angrier, saying I was making it just to punish him, when I considered it just to end with my suffering. I realized maybe I could win him back if I'd stop and get some help, so I asked him to be friends to what he said he was very busy and that I should not expect a lot. Days passed and as I was getting help, my father died, and I only wanted him to be around to support me, so I searched for him a lot, to which he'd help me but he would always remind me that the decision he made was done, was final and unchangeable. We finally were able to speak, I mean voice speak, after some weeks, cause I wanted to talk abut what was going on in my life but the feelings were so intense that I ended up feeling bad again and begging him again. He wen't angry I guess and sent an email saying he thought contact with me was making things worst, that he could not accept my behavior, and that he would not read or answer me again, he asked me not to insist anymore. And he did what he said, I reached for support on dealing with my father's lost by sending him mails and messages he didn't answered, sending letters and gifts to France, just one tho. I was getting professional help but things around my life were getting worst. Some days ago I reached him one more time, my father's funeral was near and I really needed him around as moral support and I swore that was all I wanted, after 2 days, out of nowhere he sent me a message right before the funeral saying he was sure I could be strong and things would be alright, that he wanted me to be fine, but that the still thinks I want more from him than just friendship and for him it was definitely over, so over that he stopped caring about it and was not writing for me cause of that, also he was busy and had no time to talk.
That helped me go trough my day but at the same time hurt me a lot. I can see why he'd think I want to be back with him , I seriously want, but I needed of him so much this moments and he just wants to be out of my life. Also there is this other thing, he is extremely busy, I would say he wakes up to go to work and goes back home to sleep, and that's all. He also needs help in this, he also needs support and I care for him, ands it was before if I'd be near him I would only have to go over and share moments with him to be together and strong again, but we are really away now and he has no time for himself or to think about us so is very easy for him to ignore me. But for me is not. Going back to France as I always wanted, with or without him, is in my plans, but I just want him back and I don't know what to do. There are days in which I literally cry all day about him and there are others in which I don't think about it so much and convinced my self that maybe I should let go. But then I remember that if non of us is whiling to try and stops doing so it means is definitely over in both sides. I don't want to have a story like "we were apart pr 5 years and we are together again", I need him now, as a daily basis, but I realize is not so possible and I'm whiling to wait as long as there's hope. I see a lot of prospects everyday and I try to move on, but as soon as I make some steps I realize that what would make me truly happy is being with him again. How do I do that when he ignores me...

Thanks for your help, I know is long and complicated, but our story is like that, long and complicated.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

You only knew this guy for a year and a half. Let him go. You have got to be strong for yourself.

I am loosing my wife of 14 years with 3 kids! Not to make your pain seem small but this sounds like "puppy love" to me.

Not trying to offend by any means.

Just from what you posted seems like you need to step back and think about what you had before you knew him. You probably had a great life and you will again I'm sure.

Good luck.


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