# Happily married



## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

Hi Everyone

It seems I'm not yet permitted to reply to threads so I guess that's the administrators' way of encouraging me to introduce myself.

I haven't come here to complain about my wife of twenty years, tell you that either of us has had an affair, discuss a mismatch of our sex drives or any of the other issues that seem so prevalent here. I just find this place intriguing because I am fascinated by relationships and sexuality in general, but porn, per se, doesn't really interest me. Although our finances could be in a better state, we are very happy and now becoming empty nesters.

Although a heterosexual white male brought up in the dark ages, I am absolutely delighted that society is becoming more accepting of LBGT etc. My first partner was one of the first wave of professional women in the business world, who suffered horrendous prejudice from a patriarchal golf playing hierarchy. That and the millennial daughter we produced has made me a feminist if a man can be such a thing, although my wife would probably dispute this.

I had a successful career in business myself, but have become interested in education later in life. Academically, my background is in physical science. If you know about such things, I am INTP and my wife is an ESFJ - an equisite combination of opposites introvert/extrovert, intuitive/sensing, thinking/feeling and inprovising/planning. As long as I don't trample all over her feelings and she doesn't apologise on my behalf to other people making me look at fault when I'm not, we get on just fine. It's just a question of realising she doesn't hear what I say but what she thinks may be behind it. Meeting each other was like finding the shadow side to our personalities that was always there in the background but just out of reach. She has taught me about the more organic, less mechanical, approach to life. 

I've had two previous relationships that I can look back on with fondness. The first gave me 90% of what I needed from a relationship, but not the physical side. The second gave me the sexual satisfaction part in spades but lacked much of what was good about my first relationship and was a controlling person. My current wife and I seem to be able achieve the whole 100%, or at least something approaching it, together.

I hope that doesn't put you off me, as it's very difficult to describe oneself without appearing pompous, boastful, self-justifying or whatever. I don't think I am any of these things - if anything, I am a self-effacing person. Hopefully, I'll be allowed to post replies now. I was going to tell you about my wife posing in the nude, but I see that thread has been closed now so it'll have to wait for some other time.

I forgot to say - I love music. First playing, but now mainly listening.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Welcome and glad to have you! It takes a while to be approved by TAM software logistics. Great introduction...


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Welcome, I hope to be in a relationship like you have currently, in my later years.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Hi!

There are several music threads in Off Topic/The Social Spot forum.


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> Welcome, I hope to be in a relationship like you have currently, in my later years.





CharlieParker said:


> Hi!
> 
> There are several music threads in Off Topic/The Social Spot forum.





sunsetmist said:


> Welcome and glad to have you! It takes a while to be approved by TAM software logistics. Great introduction...


Many thanks to you all for welcoming me to the forum and also for the advice

Good luck with your search, StillSearching


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Welcome aboard!

There's an abundance of great information on interpersonal actions/reactions here, and on good/bad human nature examples. 

Continuing to read and learn about relating with an SO is a lifelong task, always admired.

Many here, with more wisdom than I have offered guidance and support to each visiting. 

Lots of experience here.

Dear W and I have been M over 34 yrs, and I enjoy the perspectives and wisdom members share and time to time offer bits and pieces. 

As has been said; take what helps and leave the rest.

Best,


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Welcome aboard!
> 
> There's an abundance of great information on interpersonal actions/reactions here, and on good/bad human nature examples.
> 
> ...


Many thanks, Ragnar. I’ll do that.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

well now that you've gone at great length to convince us you aren't here for any problem, what exactly is the problem you are having.

#notbuyingit


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

BigToe said:


> well now that you've gone at great length to convince us you aren't here for any problem, what exactly is the problem you are having.
> 
> #notbuyingit


Great offer at Talk About Marriage - join in April and get your own personal stalker free


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Welcome, sane and balanced person in a normal relationship (if there is such a thing!). Not _everyone_ here has problems!


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Welcome, sane and balanced person in a normal relationship (if there is such a thing!). Not _everyone_ here has problems!


Thank you. I have suffered from problems of that sort in previous relationships, but have got it right at the third attempt. Life has thrown things like cancer, worries over kids and financial issues at us, but so far we’ve kept our heads above water.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Music Lover said:


> Thank you. I have suffered from problems of that sort in previous relationships, but have got it right at the third attempt. Life has thrown things like cancer, worries over kids and financial issues at us, but so far we’ve kept our heads above water.


I see you're an INTP and your wife is an ESFJ. I'm INTJ, my first wife was ESFJ, and my 2nd wife is INFJ (which is ideal). My 1st and I didn't mesh well at all, after we married, but my long-term FWB is ESFJ, but expresses that personality type VERY differently! So even within a type, there is a lot of variation that can make or break a relationship. I have been through similar issues with cancer, other illnesses, financial setback, etc., but my 2nd wife and I have navigated those treacherous waters with love and skill.


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I see you're an INTP and your wife is an ESFJ. I'm INTJ, my first wife was ESFG, and my 2nd wife is INFJ (which is ideal). My 1st and I didn't mesh well at all, after we married, but my long-term FWB is ESFJ, but expresses that personality type VERY differently! So even within a type, there is a lot of variation that can make or break a relationship. I have been through similar issues with cancer, other illnesses, financial setback, etc., but my 2nd wife and I have navigated those treacherous waters with love and skill.


I agree about variation within personality types. Although we tested as opposites, our scores were all close to the dividing lines, so perhaps we are not extreme INTPs and ESFJs. However, different enough to find each other exotic. My wife and I found the Myra Briggs thing helpful to us in coming to terms with our differences in the early stage of our relationship. I have to be careful not to abuse her generous giving nature and she has had to accept me withdrawing into myself on occasion.


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