# How to have sex without being in a relationship?



## Tknight

I've been struggling with this for a few years now. My ex made it clear to me in a therapy session that I change my mind too much. I commit to someone, then lose interest because I am either bored or don't have enough time for myself and then appear to be a liar when I decide that I don't want a relationship anymore. It's not you it's me, the story of my life lol.

I've tried to be as clear as possible with women I date that I want something casual. For the most part things seem fine at first, but in time they get attached and then they get upset because I just don't have time for them, or I am consistently emotionally unavailable. I know for fact that either I am not relationship material or simply I have not yet the right person yet. But even then, I have met women that clicked with me and I still get bored of them in no time. It's not fair to them for sure. 

I almost exclusively meet women online, something I'd like to change. I don't lack confidence, I'm good looking and I like to flirt, but I tend to not like to go out of my way to approach women. I don't believe in chasing or the bar scene and as a french guy where I come from women actually approach men, something I am not used to not experiencing out west yet. Not romantically apethic, more so just too self-centered and selfish. I have counselling with therapists and I'm working on myself, realizing that when it comes to women I tend to be a "user/objectifier" rather then a person who truly values company. Which is for the most part true. 

Does anybody have any advice on how I should approach women when I am only interested in something casual? I feel like my communication really sucks. I'm not a "nice guy" either. It seems really hard to find, and for sure I don't want to pay for it. I try my best to be upfront about it, and have learned to give lots of space between hanging out, but in the end it always seems to come back and bite me somehow. 

Everyone wants to fall in love except me.


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## minimalME

Tknight said:


> Does anybody have any advice on how I should approach women when I am only interested in something casual? I feel like my communication really sucks. I'm not a "nice guy" either. It seems really hard to find, and for sure *I don't want to pay for it*. I try my best to be upfront about it, and have learned to give lots of space between hanging out, but in the end it always seems to come back and bite me somehow.


Hire prostitutes. You're going to pay for it one way or another.


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## MZMEE

Ok I think you may need to adjust your communication in the very begin and be crystal clear. Just like you explained things here to us, you may need to explain it like that to the women on the front in. Women can be difficult because we really are emotional creatures and if you are a great guy, it is easy to get attached. 

On the other hand, every type of relationship needs nurturing of some sort or else you really can't call someone your friend. Basically it is a very selfish move. You want what you want FROM people but you are not willing to put much INTO people. You get bored because you've gotten all YOU want (basically sucked them dry) and now they have nothing more to give you so you move onto a new person. It's like chewing gum. When you first start chewing it gives you such sweet pleasure. Keep chewing and you chew all the sugar out and it becomes annoying so all you want to do is spit it out and grab another piece. Bam! You just want to chew the sweet out of people then go find a new piece of gum. I'm not judging you, heck that's a choice you have made for your life and you have all the right to want to keep people in that place. But again that needs to be made clear.

Unfortunatley, as you have already seen, that is a lonely world. Most human beings want substance in their relationships. I'm sure you will find people that are your type. Pretty much like you. Other "gum chewers" LOL LOL.

Here is what I recommend. Have you tried creating your own MeetUp group? go to MeetUp.com and create a group called Casual Friends Only. But in the description that the group is for people who want to hang out, go out, but are ok that the friendships will not be nutured. There are others out there, you just need to find them.

Lastly....sex. In your tagline you mentioned sex. If you now want to add sex to the picture you complicate things. Somebody will always get attached. So again you have to be very clear that sex is just sex and you are not interested before or after sex in going any further no matter how good it is. If you want just casual sex, really you need to seek out an escort or something. or again, find/create a group where that message is clear.

Good luck Mr. Gum Chewer (ha ha...just joking with you)


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## Faithful Wife

It is nearly impossible to deliberately meet people in public who also just want sex. You may get lucky but more than likely anyone you approach and chat up and get the number from is going to want to date you, not just screw you.

However - - why aren’t you on tinder? And if you are then you need to just put it on your profile that you are looking for sex only. Even then, yes people may say they are looking for just sex but they get bonded afterwards and want more. When that happens you simply need to end it and don’t look back. No second chances. If they go there, you’re gone.

Another avenue you might try is Fetlife.


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## SentHereForAReason

minimalME said:


> Hire prostitutes. You're going to pay for it one way or another.


Or even better lol;


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## minimalME

stillfightingforus said:


> Or even better lol;


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## Ursula

MZMEE said:


> Ok I think you may need to adjust your communication in the very begin and be crystal clear. Just like you explained things here to us, you may need to explain it like that to the women on the front in. Women can be difficult because we really are emotional creatures and if you are a great guy, it is easy to get attached.
> 
> On the other hand, every type of relationship needs nurturing of some sort or else you really can't call someone your friend. Basically it is a very selfish move. You want what you want FROM people but you are not willing to put much INTO people. You get bored because you've gotten all YOU want (basically sucked them dry) and now they have nothing more to give you so you move onto a new person. It's like chewing gum. When you first start chewing it gives you such sweet pleasure. Keep chewing and you chew all the sugar out and it becomes annoying so all you want to do is spit it out and grab another piece. Bam! You just want to chew the sweet out of people then go find a new piece of gum. I'm not judging you, heck that's a choice you have made for your life and you have all the right to want to keep people in that place. But again that needs to be made clear.
> 
> Unfortunatley, as you have already seen, that is a lonely world. Most human beings want substance in their relationships. I'm sure you will find people that are your type. Pretty much like you. Other "gum chewers" LOL LOL.
> 
> Here is what I recommend. Have you tried creating your own MeetUp group? go to MeetUp.com and create a group called Casual Friends Only. But in the description that the group is for people who want to hang out, go out, but are ok that the friendships will not be nutured. There are others out there, you just need to find them.
> 
> Lastly....sex. In your tagline you mentioned sex. If you now want to add sex to the picture you complicate things. Somebody will always get attached. So again you have to be very clear that sex is just sex and you are not interested before or after sex in going any further no matter how good it is. If you want just casual sex, really you need to seek out an escort or something. or again, find/create a group where that message is clear.
> 
> Good luck Mr. Gum Chewer (ha ha...just joking with you)


When I read the original post, I thought, "whooo boy, how to respond to this one...". But, MZMEE brought up some really good points to consider, and that gum chewing thing is a fantastic analogy!


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Research Plate Theory. I think that is what you are looking for.


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## Cynthia

Tknight said:


> I've been struggling with this for a few years now. My ex made it clear to me in a therapy session that I change my mind too much. I commit to someone, then lose interest because I am either bored or don't have enough time for myself and then appear to be a liar when I decide that I don't want a relationship anymore. It's not you it's me, the story of my life lol.
> 
> I've tried to be as clear as possible with women I date that I want something casual. For the most part things seem fine at first, but in time they get attached and then they get upset because I just don't have time for them, or I am consistently emotionally unavailable. I know for fact that either I am not relationship material or simply I have not yet the right person yet. But even then, I have met women that clicked with me and I still get bored of them in no time. It's not fair to them for sure.
> 
> I almost exclusively meet women online, something I'd like to change. I don't lack confidence, I'm good looking and I like to flirt, but I tend to not like to go out of my way to approach women. I don't believe in chasing or the bar scene and as a french guy where I come from women actually approach men, something I am not used to not experiencing out west yet. Not romantically apethic, more so just too self-centered and selfish. I have counselling with therapists and I'm working on myself, realizing that when it comes to women I tend to be a "user/objectifier" rather then a person who truly values company. Which is for the most part true.
> 
> Does anybody have any advice on how I should approach women when I am only interested in something casual? I feel like my communication really sucks. I'm not a "nice guy" either. It seems really hard to find, and for sure I don't want to pay for it. I try my best to be upfront about it, and have learned to give lots of space between hanging out, but in the end it always seems to come back and bite me somehow.
> 
> Everyone wants to fall in love except me.


Oh my gosh! You want advice on how to find women who want to be objectified, used, and then discarded who won't get their feelings hurt when this happens? What the hell! lol This is one of the most asinine posts I have ever seen. I could say more, but I'd prefer not to get banned.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

I suspect there are lots of web sites that don't have "Marriage" in their title that focus on how to pick up chicks just for banging.


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## Tknight

The plate theory article really helped. 

It's not about banging chicks recklessly. It's about improving my communication early on to prevent drama and hurt feelings. Getting better at saying no to sex without anyone, setting boundaries early on, and maintaining the sex life I want. Relationships are just too much upkeep for me, and my heart is never in it. 

I love being alone too much. It's taken a lot of failed relationships to get to that awareness. I'm a weirdo, non-monogamous type. It turns me on when a woman tells me she sleeps with many guys. Granted not the best forum perhaps, I get that. But everybody is different. 

Thanks!


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## Volunteer86

Go to the hook up apps....The women know what you are wanting so there is no confusion.


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## Prodigal

I just hope you always use protection and, if not, that you get regularly tested for STDs ....


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Tknight said:


> The plate theory article really helped.
> 
> It's not about banging chicks recklessly. It's about improving my communication early on to prevent drama and hurt feelings. Getting better at saying no to sex without anyone, setting boundaries early on, and maintaining the sex life I want. Relationships are just too much upkeep for me, and my heart is never in it.
> 
> I love being alone too much. It's taken a lot of failed relationships to get to that awareness. I'm a weirdo, non-monogamous type. It turns me on when a woman tells me she sleeps with many guys. Granted not the best forum perhaps, I get that. But everybody is different.
> 
> Thanks!


Read up on the Rational Male site, he goes into depth on Plate Theory. Its not about lying or hiding, its about being upfront. There is some strange animosity from women with plate spinning, maybe from a misunderstanding or previously getting burnt by a player, but as long as you are being honest with your intentions, you owe them nothing more. Tell them right away, that you aren't interested in a committed relationship. Acknowledge that you are seeing other people and expect that she is doing the same. If she starts getting attached, you drop the plate and pick up a new one.


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## Ynot

CynthiaDe said:


> Oh my gosh! You want advice on how to find women who want to be objectified, used, and then discarded who won't get their feelings hurt when this happens? What the hell! lol This is one of the most asinine posts I have ever seen. I could say more, but I'd prefer not to get banned.


Um, actually that is the exact opposite of who the OP wants to find. FTR, there are plenty of women out there who just enjoy sex for the sake of having sex and do NOT feel the least bit objectified, used or discarded. If anything, THEY are the ones objectifying, using and discarding men after they get a little. Those are the kind of women he hopes to find, in order to avoid the ones you mentioned.


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## NobodySpecial

Tknight said:


> I've been struggling with this for a few years now. My ex made it clear to me in a therapy session that I change my mind too much. I commit to someone, then lose interest because I am either bored or don't have enough time for myself and then appear to be a liar when I decide that I don't want a relationship anymore. It's not you it's me, the story of my life lol.
> 
> I've tried to be as clear as possible with women I date that I want something casual. For the most part things seem fine at first, but in time they get attached and then they get upset because I just don't have time for them, or I am consistently emotionally unavailable. I know for fact that either I am not relationship material or simply I have not yet the right person yet. But even then, I have met women that clicked with me and I still get bored of them in no time. It's not fair to them for sure.
> 
> I almost exclusively meet women online, something I'd like to change. I don't lack confidence, I'm good looking and I like to flirt, but I tend to not like to go out of my way to approach women. I don't believe in chasing or the bar scene and as a french guy where I come from women actually approach men, something I am not used to not experiencing out west yet. Not romantically apethic, more so just too self-centered and selfish. I have counselling with therapists and I'm working on myself, realizing that when it comes to women I tend to be a "user/objectifier" rather then a person who truly values company. Which is for the most part true.
> 
> Does anybody have any advice on how I should approach women when I am only interested in something casual? I feel like my communication really sucks. I'm not a "nice guy" either. It seems really hard to find, and for sure I don't want to pay for it. I try my best to be upfront about it, and have learned to give lots of space between hanging out, but in the end it always seems to come back and bite me somehow.
> 
> Everyone wants to fall in love except me.



So you want women to just find you, f you and leave? Yah, pay for it.


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## NobodySpecial

Faithful Wife said:


> It is nearly impossible to deliberately meet people in public who also just want sex. You may get lucky but more than likely anyone you approach and chat up and get the number from is going to want to date you, not just screw you.
> 
> However - - why aren’t you on tinder? And if you are then you need to just put it on your profile that you are looking for sex only. Even then, yes people may say they are looking for just sex but they get bonded afterwards and want more. When that happens you simply need to end it and don’t look back. No second chances. If they go there, you’re gone.
> 
> Another avenue you might try is Fetlife.


Oh good thought, tinder. I disagree fetlife. But it is worth a try.


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## NobodySpecial

Volunteer86 said:


> Go to the hook up apps....The women know what you are wanting so there is no confusion.


There is also likely no one there to reply. But at least it is honest.


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## NobodySpecial

Tknight said:


> The plate theory article really helped.
> 
> It's not about banging chicks recklessly. It's about improving my communication early on to prevent drama and hurt feelings. Getting better at saying no to sex without anyone, setting boundaries early on, and maintaining the sex life I want. Relationships are just too much upkeep for me, and my heart is never in it.
> 
> I love being alone too much. It's taken a lot of failed relationships to get to that awareness. I'm a weirdo, non-monogamous type. It turns me on when a woman tells me she sleeps with many guys. Granted not the best forum perhaps, I get that. But everybody is different.
> 
> Thanks!


I am a weirdo non-monogamous type too. (Non-monogamy is not the issue here.) But basically you are asking how to I change my communication style to sell something no one is likely to want to buy. You don't.


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## Cynthia

Ynot said:


> Um, actually that is the exact opposite of who the OP wants to find. FTR, there are plenty of women out there who just enjoy sex for the sake of having sex and do NOT feel the least bit objectified, used or discarded. If anything, THEY are the ones objectifying, using and discarding men after they get a little. Those are the kind of women he hopes to find, in order to avoid the ones you mentioned.


I hope you're right, because that is not what I read at all.


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## Tknight

It's more of just finding a chill girl that is aligned with a similar lifestyle, someone who puts their career firs. Ambition and selfishness is a huge turn on for me, I get really turned off by the religious/political/activitist/socialist/hippy types. It's happened a few times where I approach a woman in public, ask her some questions, realize she's not for me but then my exit plan backfires and next thing I know I am in bed with her. This is exactly what I want to avoid. 

My kid will always come first. But being a responsible single dad is baggage of sorts that turns off a lot women it seems, but I surmise it's just my age (29), and as I get older this will change. 

Fortunately for me I had a successful vasectomy. I never have to stress about having another kid again. I play safe for my kids sake nonetheless. I can't afford to pay for sex, nor do I ever want to. I'm cold, but not that cold.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Tknight said:


> It's more of just finding a chill girl that is aligned with a similar lifestyle, someone who puts their career firs. Ambition and selfishness is a huge turn on for me, I get really turned off by the religious/political/activitist/socialist/hippy types. It's happened a few times where I approach a woman in public, ask her some questions, realize she's not for me *but then my exit plan backfires and next thing I know I am in bed with her.* This is exactly what I want to avoid.
> 
> My kid will always come first. But being a responsible single dad is baggage of sorts that turns off a lot women it seems, but I surmise it's just my age (29), and as I get older this will change.
> 
> Fortunately for me I had a successful vasectomy. I never have to stress about having another kid again. I play safe for my kids sake nonetheless. I can't afford to pay for sex, nor do I ever want to. I'm cold, but not that cold.


Could anything possibly be more dismissive of personal responsibility? 

I know that's not a helpful response, but really, it's not like these women are chloroforming you and then dragging you back to their cave when your unconscious. Nobody's slipping you a roofie here. Scotty didn't beam you into her bed. 

You already have the power to just not pursue the sex when you know "she's not for you." No special strategy needed. No advanced communication techniques needed.


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## Tknight

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Could anything possibly be more dismissive of personal responsibility?
> 
> I know that's not a helpful response, but really, it's not like these women are chloroforming you and then dragging you back to their cave when your unconscious. Nobody's slipping you a roofie here. Scotty didn't beam you into her bed.
> 
> You already have the power to just not pursue the sex when you know "she's not for you." No special strategy needed. No advanced communication techniques needed.


Hmm. Good point. I don't know why I struggle to say no to sex. I don't think I have ever turned it down as a matter of fact. That's an incredible find I will have to discuss with my therapist, thank you.


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## ReformedHubby

What worked for me was I looked for women that were in similar situations. I found I was best matched with women that were separated or recently divorced. Basically they were on the same page. They just wanted to have fun. I found that whenever I dated women that were single for a while, they tended to tell me what I wanted to hear in hopes of convincing me they were the one. At the end of the day as long as you are honest and open your conscience should be clear. I've been on both sides of the FWB equation I've had women get mad because I didn't want to get serious AND I've gotten attached to women that were like, "dude, I told you this was just a sex thing". Its the risk we take when we enter that type of situation. Sometimes they get attached, sometimes you get attached, and sometimes its mutual and you make a lifelong friend when it ends. It can get complicated at times....but....it beats celibacy.


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## EleGirl

I've deleted some name calling posts. Any further attacking and name calling will earn the poster a time-out ban.

Speaking as a moderator.


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## Prodigal

Tknight said:


> IMy kid will always come first. But being a responsible single dad is baggage of sorts that turns off a lot women it seems, but I surmise it's just my age (29), and as I get older this will change.


Well, that answers my question as to whether or not you've had unprotected sex ...


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## PreRaph

Tknight said:


> It's more of just finding a chill girl that is aligned with a similar lifestyle, someone who puts their career firs. Ambition and selfishness is a huge turn on for me, I get really turned off by the religious/political/activitist/socialist/hippy types. It's happened a few times where I approach a woman in public, ask her some questions, realize she's not for me but then my exit plan backfires and next thing I know I am in bed with her. This is exactly what I want to avoid.
> 
> My kid will always come first. But being a responsible single dad is baggage of sorts that turns off a lot women it seems, but I surmise it's just my age (29), and as I get older this will change.
> 
> Fortunately for me I had a successful vasectomy. I never have to stress about having another kid again. I play safe for my kids sake nonetheless. I can't afford to pay for sex, nor do I ever want to. I'm cold, but not that cold.


Sorry, there is no real remedy to your dilemma. You want to ***k but you don't want to anything more than that. You don't like a woman to voice her opinions about things and get turned off when she does. "Lookin' for a lover that won't blow my cover, she's sooo hard to find. . . " That sort of woman belongs in a song, but life is different. 

Listen, I knew a man who was something like you. He left a graveyard of women behind him, but there's no two-ways about it: he hurt a lot of them, bad. But he had a thing about punishing women, so he enjoyed it. You'll end up doing the same whether you enjoy it or not.


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## Prodigal

Tknight said:


> I can't afford to pay for sex, nor do I ever want to. I'm cold, but not that cold.


I don't follow your line of thinking. On the one hand, you are looking for the exit door if someone wants to get emotionally involved. Granted, you will probably find your fair share of women who just want to have sex without any emotional ties, but sometimes people say one thing and then change.

What makes you think prostitutes are cold? They offer a service. A good prostitute would probably give you great sex, no strings attached, and you can walk away satisfied. Can't afford it? Maybe you should consider opening up that Christmas Club savings account at your local bank. You can treat yourself to a good bang by a pro once a year or so.

And, NO, I am not being sarcastic or facetious here. Just realistic.


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## JustTheWife

Ynot said:


> Um, actually that is the exact opposite of who the OP wants to find. FTR, there are plenty of women out there who just enjoy sex for the sake of having sex and do NOT feel the least bit objectified, used or discarded. If anything, THEY are the ones objectifying, using and discarding men after they get a little. Those are the kind of women he hopes to find, in order to avoid the ones you mentioned.


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## FieryHairedLady

Your hand man, use your hand


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## Ynot

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Could anything possibly be more dismissive of personal responsibility?
> 
> I know that's not a helpful response, but really, it's not like these women are chloroforming you and then dragging you back to their cave when your unconscious. Nobody's slipping you a roofie here. Scotty didn't beam you into her bed.
> 
> You already have the power to just not pursue the sex when you know "she's not for you." No special strategy needed. No advanced communication techniques needed.


But why?


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## Mr.Married

Tknight : your mixing east and west. Things aren't as casual as they are there. The subscript is different. Not to cast a broad paint brush but the french seem to be able to be even more casual about it.
It just gives off really bad vibes in the end over in these parts. It's a culture thing mixed with some selfishness.

Edit: I'm only generalizing. I understand you can find casual women here also, but perhaps not as easily.


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## 269370

Tknight said:


> I've been struggling with this for a few years now. My ex made it clear to me in a therapy session that I change my mind too much. I commit to someone, then lose interest because I am either bored or don't have enough time for myself and then appear to be a liar when I decide that I don't want a relationship anymore. It's not you it's me, the story of my life lol.
> 
> 
> 
> I've tried to be as clear as possible with women I date that I want something casual. For the most part things seem fine at first, but in time they get attached and then they get upset because I just don't have time for them, or I am consistently emotionally unavailable. I know for fact that either I am not relationship material or simply I have not yet the right person yet. But even then, I have met women that clicked with me and I still get bored of them in no time. It's not fair to them for sure.
> 
> 
> 
> I almost exclusively meet women online, something I'd like to change. I don't lack confidence, I'm good looking and I like to flirt, but I tend to not like to go out of my way to approach women. I don't believe in chasing or the bar scene and as a french guy where I come from women actually approach men, something I am not used to not experiencing out west yet. Not romantically apethic, more so just too self-centered and selfish. I have counselling with therapists and I'm working on myself, realizing that when it comes to women I tend to be a "user/objectifier" rather then a person who truly values company. Which is for the most part true.
> 
> 
> 
> Does anybody have any advice on how I should approach women when I am only interested in something casual? I feel like my communication really sucks. I'm not a "nice guy" either. It seems really hard to find, and for sure I don't want to pay for it. I try my best to be upfront about it, and have learned to give lots of space between hanging out, but in the end it always seems to come back and bite me somehow.
> 
> 
> 
> Everyone wants to fall in love except me.




Pay them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Vinnydee

Three of my male friends and the girlfriend my wife and I shared, all found sex partners online. Not the hook up cheating sites either, the regular dating sites. One friend said that on the weekends he had two change his sheets twice for the noon and dinner dates. He actually complained about too much sex and how the women were sex starved and wore him out. A co-worker told me that on his first date to see the play Hamilton, hard and expensive tickets to get, she wanted to go to his place before the first half of the play to have sex. Other guys told me similar stories. Apparently you can tell by their profiles. The ones that want relationships will say that is what they are looking for. The others will say let's date and see where it goes.

My wife and I shared a girlfriend for most of our 46 years of marriage and she wanted a husband of her own but also to live with us part time. She went on a regular dating site and found a guy willing to share her and she married him and they are married 0ver 25 years now. I have never heard anything negative about online dating as long as you are honest about what you are looking for and who you are.

Every girl I ever met and dated knew what I wanted within the first hour. I was not like guys who first want to be friends or act like they are not interested in sex on the first date. My dates knew what I wanted and that saved a lot of time. After a few years, word of mouth that I was great in beef but a lousy boyfriend drew all the bad girls to me; plus a few good girls who wanted to see what being bad was all about. They are out there online and in clubs and bars. You still can be nice. I am always nice and respectful of all women but in some way the knew that I found them sexy and then would do things like hold their hand, grind during a slow dance, ask if I may kiss her, see how far she lets my hans roam, etc.. If they let me know fast that I have no chance, the night is young. I rarely went home alone.


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## RandomDude

Just stick to honest FWB relations, that's what I did for years. It's a little tougher because you will find out in many instances the woman would want a relationship but that's why it's best as they always know where they stand. No one is led on. Sex is sex. That's it.

The downfall to this is that emotions do creep up. Eventually, many times, the girls will just fall in love. But there's nothing you can do about that except to just go the next one. Alot of people will judge you, but who cares. Just do the best you can not to hurt people unnecessarily and get what you want at the same time.


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## Rick Blaine

Tknight, mon ami,
J'regret, but there is nothing I can say to help you. Playas gonna play and their playmates gonna get burned. You a ho, but let not your heart be troubled. There are plenty of American gals out there looking for no-strings-attached hook-ups. You just have to find the right sandbox. The fact that you are looking for advice on a marriage website informs us that the problem is your lack of a strategic mind. But you'll figure it out, and when you do one of these days one of them hos is gonna turn the tables on you and it's gonna be "audios muchachos."

In the meantime, mercy beaucoup. This is an entertaining thread.


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## Tknight

I don't know of any other better forums lol. Thank you very much everyone, much help!!


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## arbitrator

*Contact a Call-Girl or find yourself a chick who's willing to be a "Friend-With-Benefits" ~ FWB!*


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## NobodySpecial

I thought he was not interested in the F part of an FWB. I guess I was wrong.


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## Bananapeel

OP, watch some Tom Leykis videos especially the ones on Leykis 101. He goes through plate theory quite extensively and gives great tips about how to keep things completely casual. The summary is basically don't treat them like a girlfriend but like a booty call. That means cheap/free dates, no sleep overs, no cuddling after sex, flake on them regularly, don't be available to take their calls/texts on evenings or weekends, etc.


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## happyhusband0005

Tknight said:


> I've been struggling with this for a few years now. My ex made it clear to me in a therapy session that I change my mind too much. I commit to someone, then lose interest because I am either bored or don't have enough time for myself and then appear to be a liar when I decide that I don't want a relationship anymore. It's not you it's me, the story of my life lol.
> 
> I've tried to be as clear as possible with women I date that I want something casual. For the most part things seem fine at first, but in time they get attached and then they get upset because I just don't have time for them, or I am consistently emotionally unavailable. I know for fact that either I am not relationship material or simply I have not yet the right person yet. But even then, I have met women that clicked with me and I still get bored of them in no time. It's not fair to them for sure.
> 
> I almost exclusively meet women online, something I'd like to change. I don't lack confidence, I'm good looking and I like to flirt, but I tend to not like to go out of my way to approach women. I don't believe in chasing or the bar scene and as a french guy where I come from women actually approach men, something I am not used to not experiencing out west yet. Not romantically apethic, more so just too self-centered and selfish. I have counselling with therapists and I'm working on myself, realizing that when it comes to women I tend to be a "user/objectifier" rather then a person who truly values company. Which is for the most part true.
> 
> Does anybody have any advice on how I should approach women when I am only interested in something casual? I feel like my communication really sucks. I'm not a "nice guy" either. It seems really hard to find, and for sure I don't want to pay for it. I try my best to be upfront about it, and have learned to give lots of space between hanging out, but in the end it always seems to come back and bite me somehow.
> 
> Everyone wants to fall in love except me.


I think you should be looking for women who clearly don't have time for a relationship themselves. Divorced women with younger kids who also have demanding careers might be a good match. If you're online dating make sure your profile is clear about what you are looking for, a woman you like hanging out with who is also not looking for anything serious. The pool of possible matches will be smaller but you're more likely to find someone in the same position as you. 

Or just learn to be a Tinder ninja and have lots of one night stands.


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## NobodySpecial

Bananapeel said:


> OP, watch some Tom Leykis videos especially the ones on Leykis 101. He goes through plate theory quite extensively and gives great tips about how to keep things completely casual. The summary is basically don't treat them like a girlfriend but like a booty call. That means cheap/free dates, no sleep overs, no cuddling after sex, flake on them regularly, don't be available to take their calls/texts on evenings or weekends, etc.


SO he comes to a marriage board and gets red pill playah advice? This place is weird.


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## minimalME

Bananapeel said:


> OP, watch some Tom Leykis videos especially the ones on Leykis 101. He goes through plate theory quite extensively and gives great tips about how to keep things completely casual. The summary is basically don't treat them like a girlfriend but like a booty call. That means cheap/free dates, no sleep overs, no cuddling after sex, flake on them regularly, don't be available to take their calls/texts on evenings or weekends, etc.


Only a really dysfunctional woman would stick around for this type of behavior, so if he can find her, they deserve one another.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

NobodySpecial said:


> SO he comes to a marriage board and gets red pill playah advice? This place is weird.


Well, ya' gotta' admit it was odd c_oming to a marriage board_ to ask advice on how to have_ sex without a relationship _in the first place. 

After all, we all know the real purpose of this site is to dish out advice on exactly the opposite: how to survive _relationships without sex_:awink:


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## Bananapeel

NobodySpecial said:


> SO he comes to a marriage board and gets red pill playah advice? This place is weird.





minimalME said:


> Only a really dysfunctional woman would stick around for this type of behavior, so if he can find her, they deserve one another.


I'm not advocating for/against this advice...just giving some information to the OP to directly answer his question. It's up to him to choose his own definition of ethical behavior and decide what fits his relationship style/goals. Plus in all fairness this board isn't only about marriage advice hence the subcategories to choose from.


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## personofinterest

Ynot said:


> But why?



Um...because self-control, character, and general humanity?


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## She'sStillGotIt

*



How to have sex without being in a relationship?

Click to expand...

*The $64,000 question.

If you find an answer that truly works, you'll likely be crowned King of the Male Gender. *:grin2:*

This question belongs in the same impossible category as Jerry and George's conundrum of the "roommate switch" - trying to figure out a way to be able to dump the girl he was currently dating because he'd met and wanted to start dating her roommate. According to Jerry, it was a feat never before successfully achieved in the history of dating. :rofl:


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