# My last relationship



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Ok I have been here for about 6 months 
I feel like I need to put my back story out there so I can let it go. 
My counsellor has suggested that I put this up on here. I am sorry that it is so long and ranty. 

Ok the first time he cheated it was an EA. 6 months in to the relationship I had to have a surgery on my shoulder. I was unable to look after myself for the first 6 weeks and he helped me soooo much. 
Once I could move my shoulder a bit I was playing a game on his phone when a text came through. I read the text out to him then saw others. 
"If this was a camera phone I would show you how much I like you"
“I am so wet right now I want you inside me" etc. 
When I talked to him about this he had deleted them all. She was an Ex FB of his that I had not ever met. I was devastated. Due to my shoulder we had been unable to have sex without causing me pain and he said that it was the lack of sex. I was upset because he had not texted me like that. (This was rug swept at the time) 

It was just before all of this that he had started to disappear for days at a time to go get stoned and drunk with his mate. Over the next year or so I would get really upset that he wasn’t coming home every night once in a while and crack it. He would come home every night for about a month, and then it would start again. 

So his best friend was a chick, she and I never got to be very close. She only had good male friends. On the odd night when he wouldn’t come home (or answer his phone) He was there. Most of the nights he wasn’t home were not with her. She was having problems with her partner and he moved in with us. So she was spending heaps of time at our place and she and I had started to get along better. Hanging out doing girly things, I was working less than him at the time and she was unemployed so we kept each other company.

One night I call and he answers (not a normal occurrence) he says he isn’t coming home and is at male friends place. I knew he was not (background noises not right for male friends house and I knew he was at her house) he says he will be home after work the next day. I had a sinking feeling that night and could not sleep, so I drove past her house. His car was there.

The next evening she was at our place hanging out with her BF (they are on again off again); I was in the kitchen cooking my man some dinner. When I come out to join them in the living room they are watching a video on her phone. I asked what it was. She tells me that her BF likes to watch her with other men so when they had a break she filmed some of her fun. My heart sank; I had a feeling that it was my BF in the video. I asked to see it. She was hesitant but she showed me. I could see the date was that days date as she opened the file and then there it was His mole. The video was her giving him a blow job. I froze, I could not stop watching it, it was like watching a car accident happen in front of me. 

I calmly stood up and went to check on his dinner. Turned the oven off, walked out the back door, out the side gate, down the street and around the corner, Screamed and yelled for about 1 min. Walked back home, took his dinner out of the oven. (It got fed to the dog)
He finished work (about 10pm) and came home; I met him at his car and confronted him, not upset, not in tears just very stern. I told him what I had seen and he did not deny it. I told him I was going to ask her to leave. They had gone to bed. As she left she told me I was paranoid. He confirmed I was not. 
We talked for hours and then I just wanted to f*ck him. (I now know why I felt the need to do this) I said the only way I would stay is if there is NC. He agreed. I told no one.

Months past and it was all going so well. Every time she contacted him he told me. I thought that we had worked past it all. He was letting my family come over, coming out with my friends. I was happy.
Everything went sour when she left her BF and the debt collectors started knocking on our door. We had to contact her to contact him. I did it in the beginning. Then she would call him and it was about the ex then she would just act like it never happened. 

A year later we moved back closer to where she lived. He hated this new unit we had moved into and didn’t hide it. He started going back to his mates place for days. I had another surgery and he forgot to pick me up from the hospital. I then found out he was seeing her again. Says it was just as friends. I let it go, at the time fighting him over this did not seem worth the fight and she was in a new relationship with one of his friends.
We amicably end things in the car on the way to work one day (this is about 2 years after the cheating). I stayed in the unit until he could get a flatmate. We continued (stupidly) to sleep together until he told me he was seeing the OW. I moved out, we remained “friends” (Mutual events etc). I heard that he had proposed to her and was travelling interstate to meet her father. Although I still loved him, I was happy that he was happy. 
I sorted out my life in this time (8 months), worked heaps, bought a unit, got my friends back and got a promotion. 

He shows up late after this trip interstate very upset. He confronted her about some of the stuff she has said about her father previously (she is a pathological liar, not diagnosed. Tells everyone who will listen that because she has depression and bipolar that she has borderline personality. I do not doubt that she has borderline something, but I think she is a sociopath, but then I am bias. I digress). He tells me that they have broken it off, that he missed me, that she was all talk and he wants me back. 

Over the next few weeks he was over all the time and we got back into our routines. I found out that she stayed out of state. Once she got back he stopped coming around as much and told me that they had not broken it off.

When they did finally break up he and I continued the on again off again (I now think he was doing this with both of us) for about 2 years. Towards the end he started pulling away. I was talking to his mother at the supermarket and the OW comes up to us. She invites me over for drinks. I stupidly agree (out of a morbid curiosity/ need to know the truth I think). They have at this point moved in together. She and I start talking like we did prior to all of this crap. She is pouring my drinks. Every time I say no she tops it up when my back is turned or I leave the room. 

She starts questioning me as I am getting drunk asking about the relationship that I had with him and how it ended. Turns out the time he and I were on again off again she says they were dating, are defiantly dating now and proceeds to start telling him off for all this. With me drunk in their house at 3am. I walked to a local park and turned my phone off. I came back to get my car early the next morning. He is yelling at me screaming that I have ruined his life. Telling me that he will kill me if I ever come near him again, I just get in my car and drive away. He comes to my parent’s place (I was living there at the time) and starts banging the door down, screaming that if I do not open the door he will start throwing rocks through the window continuing the threats to kill me. My Dad answers the door and he leaves (thank god he was afraid of my father). 

The phone calls continued for a few days then he just stopped. 

I realise the last part of this I was stupid and went back and it is my fault. 
The point of me writing this is for me to work though my anger and hurt towards the situation and let it go.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

I now have not seen or spoken to him for over 18 months. I have one friend that he still sees but other than that never hear anything about him.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I am very sorry you are here. It sounds like this guy was never really meant for you. There are plenty of good ones out there. Work on being a great person. Life will open up for you.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

It sounds like a crazy relationship. As exciting as they may be, these kind only bring misery. There is little good as it is all tainted with the sh*t. Time to grow up and have a proper relationship (and me too!).


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

And it definitely seems this friend was the one he was really in love with. Good luck to them, they deserve each other. Neither of them will be happy considering how they treat others, and he certainly will never ever be happy with her. She sounds like a poisonous woman.

I wonder if she got that info from you, if she set that evening up, as an excuse to ditch him, because actually as a single man he holds no interest for her anymore. She certainly didn't mind having him when he had a gf. But when he ended up being hers she has a problem with him seeing the other gf? All seems like it was a ploy to ditch him.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

My question is why would you want to be with this man? He has proven himself to be unfaithful to multiple women. This will never change as he thinks he is entitled to this. Why don't you think that you deserve something better than this? Don't waste one more minute on the BARNEY.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Gross


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are worth 100 of him and 100 of her. They are both vile, horrid people and he acts in a dastardly fashion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I this is how the word "bastard" came into our language.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

VFW said:


> My question is why would you want to be with this man? He has proven himself to be unfaithful to multiple women. This will never change as he thinks he is entitled to this. Why don't you think that you deserve something better than this? Don't waste one more minute on the BARNEY.


I Do Not want to be with him. But he has killed what little self esteem I had left and damaged my view on relationships. 

Recently with a man I was interested in it came up that his best friend was female. I immediately lost interest.
I know I need to work through the damage this POS did to me so that I can move on and find a decent man and accept him into my life.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

paulvujb said:


> I have one friend that he still sees but other than that never hear anything about him.


I am saying this friend mentions him in passing on the odd occasion. 
I have had not contact with my POSX since he threatened my life


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's a really horrible person. From your description she is too. They both are cheaters and liars and you just know there is no way either of them are ever going to stop. Ever.

Oh, she in particular will outwardly try to act like she's living a great life, but I reality she's living getting hit by the karma bus over and over.

I think successful relationships need a few unreadable or even unbendable rules

1. You always come home. Always, and not in the very wee hours of the morning, that's when the nasty stuff happens more easily. Being home at a reasonable hour isn't a guarantee, but stupid bad stuff happens much more commonly and easily in those wee hours.

2. Your SO always has an invite to any social outing you go to

3. You go to parties with your SO

4. You always know where your SO is. 

5. Cheating is an automatic end of relationship if you are bf/gf. Automatic, no redos or second chances, they didn't respect you enough the first time, they are never going to respect you enough down the road.


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