# Women really don�t go for �nice� guys, study indicates



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

*Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

Women really donâ€™t go for â€˜niceâ€™ guys, study indicates | The Times of Israel

It's interesting how the study focused on responsiveness. It seems to be code for how "into" someone you are. Men like it when women are into them but women might not want men who are into only them. That's a stereotype that many know about - that women want to compete with other women to get a guy because it means he is valuable.

Do you agree?


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

"In the small, limited series of studies"

"The analysis showed that the women were on average only *slightly* less attracted to men who seemed more responsive."


hardly a definitive study


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

Yes.

Women want a man who demonstrates a capacity to effect positive change in his environment. An alpha male follows this in that he tends to control his "sphere", and thus influences its eventuality. Confidence is a characteristic of alpha males, and thus women find confidence attractive.

This is not to say that "nice" is undesirable- on the contrary. Ultimately, a woman wants a man who is Alpha in terms of his environment/social-sphere, but who is Beta in _sharing_ his success with those people he chooses to care about. Like her. Like his kids. Like his friends.

And thus the old cliche: "nice guys" sit around lamenting how Suzy went for a "bad boy", and point out the predictability of the situation when Suzy winds up with a broken heart. Heres what happens and why:

Suzy went for the bad boy because unlike the nice guys sitting around whining, the bad boy was busy living his life and creating his own success.

Suzy winds up hurt because bad boy doesnt possess any valuable Beta characteristics (which indirectly makes him a sociopath) and thus he only uses her for his pleasure, then disposes of her.

Nice guys reinforce their own approach by noting bad boy is a jerk who hurt Suzy.

Suzy finds another bad boy and tries again.

Suzy doesnt date the nice guys because she doesnt find value in a man who only offers his companionship or cliched blase career path; a woman must _see value in a man independent of what he offers her directly._ Ask any happily married woman here what she loves about her husband- while she will comment on how well he treats her, she will also necessarily cite aspects of his personality that assert his value as a man independently of how he treats her.

Most forum members here agree that a blend of Alpha and Beta male characteristics are what make a man truly desireable and capable of sustaining a long term relationship.

I look forward to other perspectives on this topic


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

the interpretation of the data is suspicious as well. Then there is the whole definition of a nice guy. I got accused of being a pleaser once. It took me a while to figure out why that was bad. Apparently if you like to make people happy you will make anyone happy and can't be reliable. I'm thinking I need a new label. Good Guy is much better than Nice guy. Good guys have a code. We have boundaries. Yes we are responsive to your needs but we understand your need for exclusivity. There is more than one dimension here.
MN


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

personally I'd rather date a woman who liked me for who I am than try to convince someone to like me thru silly behavior


----------



## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

My wife hates the word nice. It doesn't have any real meaning, in her view it is an adjective that is used to describe something, where you would prefer to use a different adjective, but it would be offensive to do so. George Carlin had a funny joke/story about nice. 

To me a nice guy means - conflict avoidant, doormat, and/or someone who makes covert contracts.....


----------



## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

It's a snippet of a small demographic area. It's all subjective and ultimately the woman will want the man for X reasons or characteristics - obviously some men are held in higher regard just as women are by men.

Those studies are a bunch of horse sh!t.


----------



## alonetogether8 (Aug 25, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



ntamph said:


> Women really donâ€™t go for â€˜niceâ€™ guys, study indicates | The Times of Israel
> 
> It's interesting how the study focused on responsiveness. It seems to be code for how "into" someone you are. Men like it when women are into them but women might not want men who are into only them. That's a stereotype that many know about - that women want to compete with other women to get a guy because it means he is valuable.
> 
> Do you agree?




The reason I was attracted to my husband was that he was sweet, thoughtful, attentive... so yeah, a nice guy. He was honest and I felt I could trust him. He also had a good sense of humor.

With that said, women don't want some cowering wimpy guy either. Women can't stand mama's boys. There is a difference between loving your mother and acting like a little boy around her. 

I think a balance is good. Over the years my husband has become less of a nice guy and more selfish and insensitive. 

I also wouldn't want a man who was passive in bed, I want to be taken. I think most women would like a man who has manners, is honest, fun to be around, but who isn't afraid to stick up for himself, or for her.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



OptimisticPessimist said:


> Women want a man who demonstrates a capacity to effect positive change in his environment.
> I look forward to other perspectives on this topic


This is where the "Boy Scout" comes in. As a good guy with boundaries we effect a positive change in the environment through service. We value skills, and deplore whining.
MN


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

How is this even news? I thought this was common knowledge.

Mind you, that doesn't apply to ALL women, make that girls. Most women have been thru enough experiences and devastated by these men to know not to even touch them with a 100ft pole.

GIRLS are the one's that are naive, don't know and haven't learned.

# 1 step for ANY men when dealing with a lady is identify if she is a woman or a girl. Most are girls......IMO, even my wife will tell you that. Haven't learned a thing and keep repeating the same all "shot myself in the foot" cycle.

Men are even worse.....


----------



## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

Not true for me. I can only add my own perspective, but for me, it's a glaring _NO_.

I have never wanted a Type A, Alpha male. I'm a mix of A and B, and I want someone like that, who complements me well. I wanted respect and equality in my relationship. 

But I'm actually _turned off _by the stereotypical "attractive" male qualities - handsome face, tall and buff, men who make a ton of money, exude confidence. Pass. I never WANTED the guy all the other girls were drawn to. They could have _him_. I wanted the shy guy in the corner, the clever, thoughtful, slightly awkward guy. Yum.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



Faeleaf said:


> But I'm actually _turned off _by the stereotypical "attractive" male qualities - handsome face, tall and buff, men who make a ton of money, exude confidence. Pass. I never WANTED the guy all the other girls were drawn to. They could have _him_. I wanted the shy guy in the corner, the clever, thoughtful, slightly awkward guy. Yum.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



Faeleaf said:


> Not true for me. I can only add my own perspective, but for me, it's a glaring _NO_.
> 
> I have never wanted a Type A, Alpha male. I'm a mix of A and B, and I want someone like that, who complements me well. I wanted respect and equality in my relationship.
> 
> But I'm actually _turned off _by the stereotypical "attractive" male qualities - handsome face, tall and buff, men who make a ton of money, exude confidence. Pass. I never WANTED the guy all the other girls were drawn to. They could have _him_. I wanted the shy guy in the corner, the clever, thoughtful, slightly awkward guy. Yum.


I can relate to this if you flip it to women. All of the extremes just turn me off (9 or a 10, rich, overly confident etc).

I like moderation.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

_Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates_

Here we go again. Add it to the penis threads, gender war threads, alpha/beta thread archives.


----------



## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

Almostrecovered,

Bingo! I love dorky guys. Yes, that is the guy who makes me weak in the knees. I know, I know...but take heart, dorky men of the world. I'm not the only one. Haven't you heard? Nerdy is "in."


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

have I mentioned I owned 30K comic books?


----------



## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



Almostrecovered said:


> have I mentioned I owned 30K comic books?


:rofl:

I did literally laugh when I read this thanks


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

Damn it. Now what am I going to do with this golden radio?


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

I see too many problems with the article's presentation of these studies! I can't draw a conclusion based on the way it's presented here.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



OptimisticPessimist said:


> Yes.
> 
> Women want a man who demonstrates a capacity to effect positive change in his environment.
> 
> ...


Yep, I have carefully (or in some cases not so carefully) developed all of the traits in myself that I would want in an opposite gendered partner. I don't expect anything from anybody else that I'm not willing to roll my sleeves up to give myself. I do share my success with my family and kids and they know it. As well as companionship, interest, admiration and love. 

So in not wanting some beta "who only offers his companionship or cliched blase career path" as some kind of over-valued security blanket I'm supposed to cling to and stick my thumb in my mouth and be happy, I only want from a partner what I know I'm capable of myself. And I have no intentions of slacking off when I find a partner of this type. It's definitely a life style and you can't fake this 'real thing' either you have the ability to transform your life and the lives of those you share your life with, or you don't. You can't 'tokenize' it with an inheritance, a safe job, making up for it by doing the dishes every night and changing the kitty litter box. It's a package deal, all or nothing.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



> *Faeleaf said :**Not true for me. I can only add my own perspective, but for me, it's a glaring NO.
> 
> I have never wanted a Type A, Alpha male. I'm a mix of A and B, and I want someone like that, who complements me well. I wanted respect and equality in my relationship.
> 
> But I'm actually turned off by the stereotypical "attractive" male qualities - handsome face, tall and buff, men who make a ton of money, exude confidence. Pass. I never WANTED the guy all the other girls were drawn to. They could have him. I wanted the shy guy in the corner, the clever, thoughtful, slightly awkward guy. Yum.*


I could have written every word of this.. I go for the introverted types... they are generally the deeper thinkers..it's something I've always been attracted to.. I also feel they are more romantic ....a nice plus.



Almostrecovered said:


>


See here we go, this is some sort of stereotype that always creeps in.... I say







...nice men who aren't philandering bad boys can also look like this >>











I didn't take the time to read the article yet.. need to do that yet..



OptimisticPessimist said:


> Suzy doesnt date the nice guys because she doesnt find value in a man who only offers his companionship or cliched blase career path; *a woman must see value in a man independent of what he offers her directly. Ask any happily married woman here what she loves about her husband- while she will comment on how well he treats her, she will also necessarily cite aspects of his personality that assert his value as a man independently of how he treats her.*
> 
> Most forum members here agree that a blend of Alpha and Beta male characteristics are what make a man truly desireable and capable of sustaining a long term relationship.
> 
> I look forward to other perspectives on this topic


:iagree::iagree::iagree: My H is very very good to me.. I love that he is a "one woman" type guy....this does not bore me...I also do not feel it lowers his value...this makes me feel wholly loved ..why would I not want that.. Those other type men are generally less emotionally available... too busy with their big toys or climbing some ladder of success.. 

This type of relationship would not fulfill me.....I prefer more togetherness...a best friend.. I think women are very different.. Some want a higher priced lifestyle but would sacrifice on their time together... where the next woman wouldn't mind having a lower class lifestyle.. but we're always doing things together...I'd be more happy with a walk in the woods over getting a diamond necklace.. or something.... 

But how True what OptimisticPessimist speaks....outside of being treated very well.... there are so many others that make up the man... that we find RESPECTFUL and are attracted too...which speaks character to us..

It's not just how my H treats ME but others as well...His work ethic...our kids love him...the Boss from hell told him he was his favorite ..even my friends....( I can't even complain about him or I am the one who will look bad.. but I don't mind this -cause it's true!)......He could fix anything....Mechanic/Handyman...( what would we do without him!)...his honesty...his attitude.... his sense of humor.. He has no addictions, if he says something... I know I can count on his word...

Maybe some would say all that sounds boring..... I don't know...but these things mean a great deal to me.. for the stability of raising a family.....

ALL of these things make up "the man".. although some would see him as a "nice guy" cause he is very laid back, on the tame side, not the life of the party..but he likes who he is.. and really wouldn't care what anyone else thinks either.. I do dig this about him a great deal.... he is authentic.. 

In No More MR Nice Guy...it speaks of the Teflon man... this is a great article...

Authentegrity



> In the book Unmarketing, Scott Stratten makes the simple but profound statement, “When you are your authentic self, you have no competition.”
> I love this.
> 
> Scott is speaking primarily in the context of building relationships in business, but his statement is unavoidably true in every area of life.
> ...


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

I don't know about this either. You could flip it to say Men don't like nice girls - there's even a book about it, "Why Men Love B*tches", lol.

I'd describe my gorgeous hubby as a "nice guy". He's respectful, gentle, kind, loving and generous. He's no doormat though. He's very much the leader of our family and I can trust him with that because he doesn't abuse his "power" (for want of a better word). He's not a bully, he doesn't examine every cent I spend, I don't have to go running to ask his permission if I see something I like and want to buy it. 

If I do ask him can we have something/go somewhere/do something and he says no, I know that there is a good reason for that, he doesn't enjoy saying no to us, he doesn't say no "because he can". He's a very loving, attentive, giving husband - both in and out of the bedroom. 

He's respectful of others, he's welcoming to my friends, he's good to my mum and he was very supportive of both my parents when dad was sick before he died. He's generous to my family yet will stand up to my youngest brother when he feels I've been treated disrespectfully or taken advantage of. He doesn't like that.

Yep, my hubby is a 'Nice Guy', and I love him for it


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

new study says coffee is bad for you.

new study now says coffee is good for you.

blah,blah,blah

its all bull****!!!!!!!


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



chillymorn said:


> new study says coffee is bad for you.
> 
> new study now says coffee is good for you.
> 
> ...


Any word on where we are with beer? I keep hoping they change that to the daily beverage of choice one day


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*



Wolf1974 said:


> Any word on where we are with beer? I keep hoping they change that to the daily beverage of choice one day


My dr say a beer a day keeps the dr away.

THATS 1 BEER per day.

:smthumbup:


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> chillymorn said:
> 
> 
> > new study says coffee is bad for you.
> ...


Doesn't beer have potatoes in it somewhere? Potato is a vegetable, therefore it's good for you 

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

*Re: Women really don’t go for ‘nice’ guys, study indicates*

Good evening all
there seems to be this idea out there that "nice guys" are weak, that they are only nice because they have no other choice. Some are nice because they have strength to share. 

Often the images are backwards. The guy driving the 20 year old compact car may not feel he needs to prove anything. The guy in the over sized 4X4 on the other hand 

Unfortunately it takes a while to find out if the "nice guy" really is strong, or just a wimp (since those exist too).


----------

