# I think he's just lazy.



## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

My husband, will not perform oral on me. He's never even tried. He said it's due to his first girlfriend, starting her period and him going down on her 'without knowing.' And then I asked him, if he could just please do it, just once! I just want to know what it feels like, because he's been the only person i've been with sexually and he told me no because then i'll just keep wanting it. Sigh... I stopped giving him oral for about a year now to change his mind and he hasn't. I don't know what else to do.. ideas men/ladies?


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I got my redwings on accident, and it never stopped me!


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I say this tongue in cheek, but he might just find it funny enough to appreciate the effort.

maybe a nice juicy pork chop in the right place might get his attention. I know if I was in bed and started smelling some nice warm tasty pork chop under the covers I would investigate further.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

I've tried, we went to the sex store and got some appealing ediable lubes to make things taste better(supposed to be for him but it can be used vise versa) and nope. Like at the beginning of our relationship he would finger me, then we started having sex, then he never fingered me again until only recently when I started complaining. It's getting annoying, he shouldn't be getting all the pleasure. He tells me it takes me too long to get off, he doesn't try hard enough.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

those sex store flavors are for rookies. real men like pork chops.

and thats just an excuse. as long as it's clean it does not need flavoring.......

if it's bald grow hair, if it's hairy shave it....see what response you get.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

I do not like hair anywhere besides my head, so i'm going to keep it bald. All i'm saying is that i've tried everything and he just won't budge. When we first got together, I didn't believe him that he's only done it once and he texted all his ex's and said, "I didn't eat you out right?" And all of them texted back saying no. So I guess maybe he just doesn't like doing it. Sigh.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Perhaps you can reassure him that you are concerned about his comfort and would not knowingly let that happen to him?

I'm not a lady and don't have first-hand experience, but I have a hard time believing that his ex-gf's period just snuck up on her with zero warning. It seems more likely she just chose to risk the timing, with your husband paying the price.

Tell him you would not do that to him.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

DTO said:


> I'm not a lady and don't have first-hand experience, but I have a hard time believing that his ex-gf's period just snuck up on her with zero warning. It seems more likely she just chose to risk the timing, with your husband paying the price.
> 
> Tell him you would not do that to him.



That's what i'm saying because.. I know when my period is coming like 3 days ahead of time lol. I think she just chose to risk it too, or knew she was on it, and was like hey.. lick it anyways. Who knows. But, he should not punish me for her actions and wrong doings.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

shootingstar said:


> I don't know what else to do.. ideas men


I had what your husband had happen once or twice, it was not intentional on my wife's part. She was not as regular as you seem to be. 

If you do oral on him, stop. Tell him you are just not into it right now. See what he says. I can not fathom not doing oral on a lady that wants it like yourself. It would be so much fun just for him to watch your reaction.

Is there anything he likes to do in bed that you have not done for him? Perhaps it is time for some trading favors. If he is unsure how preform oral on a woman which is likely. Then tell him you want to learn together. Good oral sex is a art, and takes time to learn, he maybe lazy and concerned he does not know how to properly do it.

Make sure you are very clean, a nice bath and flavored lubes and request it for your birthday.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I don't believe the period/girlfriend story was all that traumatic for him and he is using it as way out. 

He does not like doing it for other reasons. There are some guys that just won't do it. You have one of those guys. 

It's not you, it's him, so please do not take it personally.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

He obviously has an issue with it. Otherwise he would have done it with you by now. It's too bad as he's really missing out on one of life's great pleasures. 

Asking him for it is obviously not working. It seems to me at this point you either have to learn to live without it or be prepared to issue him an ultimatum and stick to it.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> I don't believe the period/girlfriend story was all that traumatic for him and he is using it as way out.
> 
> He does not like doing it for other reasons. There are some guys that just won't do it. You have one of those guys.
> 
> It's not you, it's him, so please do not take it personally.


dead on with this one.....

but she might also want to try growing some hair down there.....

if it's not working she could try something different


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

shootingstar said:


> That's what i'm saying because.. I know when my period is coming like 3 days ahead of time lol. I think she just chose to risk it too, or knew she was on it, and was like hey.. lick it anyways. Who knows. But, he should not punish me for her actions and wrong doings.


Does he know that's how women work? Could he think that a spontaneous onset of menstrual flow is the norm?

What if you flat-out told him "Look, she most likely knew it was coming, wanted to get off, and was not too worried about you. Women can tell when it's likely to start and I would not put you in that situation"?


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

if the story is true........his ex probably had to take it when he would give it!!!


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## 4vrbrkn (Jan 8, 2013)

shootingstar said:


> Like at the beginning of our relationship he would finger me, then we started having sex, then he never fingered me again until only recently when I started complaining. It's getting annoying, he shouldn't be getting all the pleasure. He tells me it takes me too long to get off, he doesn't try hard enough.


It seems to be your husband has an aversion to vaginas. He won't give oral and doesn't want to manually stimulate you either. Hmm

So you're just supposed to be hot, wet and ready just like that? 

I'm not saying his experience with his ex wasn't traumatic, because I'm thinking it kind of was. 

In the beginning of my relationship with my husband he dreaded having to finish me off manually after sex. I suppose it's the pride thing of not bringing me to orgasm. It is what it is. No one's fault...but practice makes perfect and like mentioned above it's an art. He learned my hot spots and most times it only takes mere minutes (sigh...I miss the old days. LOL)

Whether it is trauma or self-esteem, I think you guys need to talk about it because your needs need to be addressed as well.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

I am a man that could go dining at the "Y" 3 times a day and 5 times on Sunday if I were able. I love doing this for my wife. The thrill for me is really about seeing her receive pleasure. I do not understand how any man could NOT want to do this. The fact that he just recently began using manual stimulation says to me that he is not really that concerned with your pleasure. Its not just a traumatic experience thing. He is using that as a rationalization for his selfishness. And that's what it is...selfish. Couple of things:


Keep up with the "no BJ" thing. The next time you give him oral sex needs to be *AFTER* he has given you oral sex.
If he fails to provide you manual stimulation, don't touch him with your hands at all.
In short, just be reciprocal with him. Don't do any favors for him until he shows some initiative on his part.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Thanks guys for all your opinions! I haven't given him a blow job probably since Dec of 2011 for these reasons. He's always like, "I think you should use your mouth." And I just reply with, "I think you should use your tongue." He won't do it. I do everything else he wants me to do. Just no more BJs! I used to do it once a day and got nothing in return. I just want to know
What it feels like... Just once ! I guess this is a hard request, and he always teases me too, he will be like "take your pants off so I can eat you out." I do this and he says, "I'm just joking." Sigh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I LOVE doing this for my wife. I have to ask you a personal question and not sure if this has been asked yet but how is your hygene down there? I did see that you said you were bald which helps alot, but if there are some smells down there it could be a dealbreaker for me.

I do love the normal smell of a woman but if things are going on down there, not so much.

Bottom line, with my wife and I, I would almost rather eat her then get a bj from her, I love it so much. I am 30 years old and my wife is the first woman I did that too by the way.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

shootingstar said:


> I just want to know
> What it feels like... Just once ! I guess this is a hard request, and he always teases me too, he will be like "take your pants off so I can eat you out." I do this and he says, "I'm just joking." Sigh!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is just plain cruel as far as I am concerned...


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

shootingstar said:


> ... and he always teases me too, he will be like "take your pants off so I can eat you out." I do this and he says, "I'm just joking." Sigh!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously? Does he not see how much of a jackazz this makes him?


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Why is he so cruel to tease you like this then say "only kidding." that's just plain mean. And his excuse about his first bad experience - that's BS.

I'm reading the book "She Comes First" (so my husband can get better at OS though he quit half way through), but there is a section about sexually transmitted diseases, and suggests that you use Saran wrap and use the tongue over the saran wrap. 

Although you'd be missing out on a lot, maybe it's a place to start. But it seems like he has more problems since even manual doesn't happen.

How do you reach an orgasm? Can you from PIV? sounds like your husband is a taker and not a giver and not a very good lover. Maybe if you tell him this and his ego is wounded, he'll try harder.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Oh, trust me I tell him all the time. I texted him this morning with a fantasy I had with him last night(We haven't had sex in over 11 days) I was on my "." so that was understandable, but I did give him plenty of HJs to help him out.. and he texted back saying all I care about is sex, and he's sick of hearing it, he's tired and not in the mood. I doubt my sex life will ever be good. He won't even let me use a vibrator because he says "they are bigger than him." He's just so selfish and lazy when it comes to sex. I can't stand it.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Egads, what the hell is wrong with these people?? Seriously!!


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

shootingstar said:


> Oh, trust me I tell him all the time. I texted him this morning with a fantasy I had with him last night(We haven't had sex in over 11 days) I was on my "." so that was understandable, but I did give him plenty of HJs to help him out.. and he texted back saying all I care about is sex, and he's sick of hearing it, he's tired and not in the mood. I doubt my sex life will ever be good. He won't even let me use a vibrator because he says "they are bigger than him." He's just so selfish and lazy when it comes to sex. I can't stand it.


You are a very giving and thoughtful wife. For those of us in men sexless marriages you sound like a dream. As an example I will tell you that my wife ( we have been together for 23years ) has given me 5 hj's and 3 bjs. I love oral and also use sex toys at the same time occasionally. 

He has no reason to be interested in sex as you are satisfying his needs regularly. The hj's are relieving his sexual tension. Perhaps he needs to feel more tension and build up. Then when he asks for one and, he will, tell him to wait till ____________ ( fill in the blank) I recommend stopping those for your benefit. 

If my wife gave me more hj's I would be less likely to chase her for sex as much as I do. Her off handed comment to me a few months back in this regard "what do I get out of it" . 

As far as his insecurities are concerned about your vibrator use I recommend he get over it. Bigger than him? Whatever. Have you ever told him you wished he was bigger? I doubt it. It isn't about size it's about availability is it not?


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

what do you mean, "he won't let you?" why do you need his permission. if you didn't give him HJ's, would he miss them? Maybe you cater to him too much.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

At this point it is time to ask yourself if you can live like this forever?

He is a selfish man, he is a cruel man, he is not that into you and it is not likely that he will change.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

legit question. are you overweight?


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

ATC529R said:


> legit question. are you overweight?


I guess I have put on some weight since we first started dating, we're newly weds.. only been married for a month! He blames it on being tired and working full time. But would the weight thing really matter that much? Are you saying he's not attracted to me anymore and that's why we aren't having sex? It's never been a lot though, Only about 9 times a month.. But, if it's about weight, it's not like he's in shape.. i'm still attracted to him.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Just saying looking up at a big belly might be a turnoff for him if that was the case
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Lol! I think it would be the other way around..


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

9 times a month ain't bad..:..you need to tie him down and sit on his face
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

Maybe I should try.


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## shootingstar (Jan 1, 2013)

But in all honesty, he hated being on top because it was "too much work." so, I started riding, it was easier for both of us.. like I said I think he's just too lazy.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Ugh. Honestly this would be a deal breaker for me. My H doesn't get as into giving me oral as my ex did, unfortunately, but a man refusing to do it at all? No way.

I wish I could be more optimistic, but men are likely to only get more lazy as the marriage progresses, not less.

I guess you could give him an ultimatum- we will include these things in our sex life on a regular basis or else- but even if you manage to browbeat him into doing it- it's not like it will be much fun for you anyway. Who wants to have to force your new husband into giving you pleasure?


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