# bored with husband....



## marie05 (Feb 18, 2012)

What do I do if I am so bored with my husband that I feel like I'm going crazy? I am not working and I can't get a job, even tho I have sent out hundreds of resumes! My husband works all day, comes home at 7:30 or 8:00pm, eats, and then starts feeling tired and gets a shower. He always wakes up around 6am even if he doesn't have to. We get our granddaughter for every weekend. Every weekend we do nothing significant, and then after dinner, we have to sit and watch the same two kids shows that she likes, and then he falls asleep with her in his recliner by about 9 or 9:30. It's the same routine every week. I'm so bored I feel as if I could scream. I want to see my granddaughter, but this routine is boring me to death! If I tell him he is boring he says that he has to get up early and I don't so he gets tired. I think if I were to get up early also that I would still be bored doing nothing every single night of the week. We don't really have much money to spare since I don't work. Even if he does think of anything to do on the weekend days, it only involves something the grandkids would like. He never thinks of anything that he could do with me. I feel like I sit alone all day and then I just sit alone all night too. Is this a reason to get out of the marriage? He doesn't act as if he doesn't love me most of the time. He is sympathetic if he sees that I get upset about things, but this situation just never changes. He gets mad if I say that he is boring.
What does a person do? Am I being unreasonable?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

marie05 said:


> I feel like I sit alone all day and then I just sit alone all night too. Is this a reason to get out of the marriage?


It's definitely a reason to get out of the house. I sat around the house for about a year, too. Didnt work and was bored out of my mind. I waited for my H to come home every day. My H works long hours; leaves the house around 5:30 am and doesnt get home until around 6:30 pm. He goes to bed around 9 pm. My H and I fought all the time. I filed for divorce once. 

Then I started volunteering at different places. I coached softball at the YMCA, did big brother big sister programs, and helped disable kids ride horses. Very rewarding. I adopted a dog that had severe behavioral issues and learned to help her. In the process she helped me, too. Over the course of five years I got a job and I went back to school. I picked up a passion in my studies. Now, almost six years later, I have a great dog, a full-time job, a degree, and my H and I never fight. I dont wait for him to get home; most of the time i'm relieved to have a little alone time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't wait for him. Go do stuff with yourself or friends.

Why do you have your granddaughter every weekend? That's a lot.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

marie05 said:


> Is this a reason to get out of the marriage? He doesn't act as if he doesn't love me most of the time. He is sympathetic if he sees that I get upset about things, but this situation just never changes. He gets mad if I say that he is boring.
> What does a person do? Am I being unreasonable?


I agree with both previous posters. This is reason for you to get out of the house, but definitely not a reason to get out of the marriage. Get involved with your community. Spend time with your friends. Work on improving yourself by getting some physical exercise. Play a sport within your community.

Do sit around being bored and waiting for him to change (though do not get divorced over this either).


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> He never thinks of anything that he could do with me. I feel like I sit alone all day and then I just sit alone all night too. Is this a reason to get out of the marriage?


I feel if you are feeling "bored'.....what you need to do is get CREATIVE, Life is so full of interesting things to do, to set our hands too, volunteering, helping others, it is endless, find a hobby to sink your teeth into...what is your passion??

It sounds from your own words, that your husband is sympathetic and cares about your being upset.... so let yourself BE that creative force in your marriage, as he is the one working all day so he has less mental energy to focus on such things. The internet itself is a vast highway to anything we are intersted in. 

Get creative, and let the dynamic change starting with YOU... I bet he will go along for the ride. Though he does seem to come home rather late every night. Does this mean you have mornings to share together at least? 

Take a break from those grandkids a weekend or two and rekindle the fire in your relationship. Make a plan.

Not enough money -- try some of these tips :

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ings-do-your-wife-husband-wont-cost-dime.html


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You got all the sympathetic advice you needed for a start.

Now I have a question:

Suppose you leave your poor husband (who apparently has done no crime but to work hard to support your marriage). What exactly are you planning to do to support yourself? Sit around and do nothing all day? That's what you like to do right?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Like the others have posted I believe you need to get out of the house. There are lots of things one can do with very little or no money no matter where you live. Take up a hobbie and even if money is really tight there is a way to use some for your self. (I spend less on coffee buying the cheap store brand so that there is extra money to use here and there on me stuff)

You should not get upset with your husband because you are bored. I say this only to warn you that it will become an issue in your marriage if you blame HIM for YOUR lack of things to do. (I use to do that) 

I would suggest taking a date night with your husband once a week(end). Go out for a couple hours, get some ice cream or something simple. You do need interaction out side your house with your husband and grandchild free. You may be grandparents but you are not dead!!!


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

You are not being unreasonable at all. You are a PERSON with needs and telling your husband you have needs is the right thing to do. Holding your feelings in is not good because most men cannot read body language and facial expressions.

He sounds like a fantastic Grandpa. I had a wonderful grandpa and I miss him dearly. It seems like he has replaced you with his grand kids. They get all his attention and affection.

And that I'm so tired bit? I don't buy it. I am never too tired to spend time with my husband if he asked me to. He never asks, so I have never been in that situation.

It also sounds like he as settled into his life and routine and doesn't want to change it. Either you go along with his routine of nothingness or you make some changes. Why does this have to be so hard? 

And if you leave, YOU are the bad guy. Why is that? We only get one life, we need to be happy. If he ignores your pleas, what next? My husband neglects me horribly but not over grandchildren, my nemesises are alcohol, video games, sleep, Judge Judy, Storage Wars, I could go on. I cannot compete with a TV show. How lame is that? 

I do not have a job so I depend on him financially. I used to make good money. Now I am selling all of my designer things and jewelry on Ebay to make some money. And to keep busy. I think it's time we live our own lives and lower our expectations regarding our absent spouses. 

I told my mother, if I die, and my husband cries at the funeral, SHE SHOULD PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. We have to appreciate what we have WHILE WE STILL HAVE IT. No one should have to live with regret, but those who ignore those they love will regret their actions should something happen to us. Life is not forever and shouldn't be taken for granted.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> We don't really have much money to spare since I don't work.


Why don't you work? Maybe if you got a job you and your husband could afford to go on a nice trip or do something fun?



> I feel like I sit alone all day and then I just sit alone all night too


Why? Does your husband have you chained to the radiator? 



> He is sympathetic if he sees that I get upset about things, but this situation just never changes. He gets mad if I say that he is boring.


I would get mad too if I worked my a*s off twelve hours a day and came home to an unemployed wife who complains about everything and calls me boring.



> Is this a reason to get out of the marriage?


No, its not. Reality check: it's ot your husband's job to make you happy. Only you can make you happy. He's not holding you hostage, so why not get off your duff and get out and make something of yourself? Quit blaming your husband for all your problems.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'd find a hobby or friends to talk to.

I'm not much fun either. I broke my neck a few years ago which leaves me housebound. I recently had hubby build me a coop and now I'm raising chickens. I absolutely love it! My hens are super friendly and love it when I walk in their coop. I clean the coop a few times a day, so it gives me something to do when the kids are at school. I hand raised them from day one and we get loads of fresh eggs, which I love to cook/bake. I make many things from scratch, which is cost efficient and time consuming! . My family loves when I make fresh breads new desserts. This week I'm making a lemon braided bread that's on the king Aruther flour website. It looks fabulous, but I have to wait until my hubby buys the ingredients we need. We don't have a lot of extra money either, so I find less expensive things to do. I spend a lot of time on the Internet to keep me entertained. I play scrabble with my friends and other apps on my iPod touch. 

I can't do much out of the home. My husband is taking the kids to a hotel tonight, which I really wish I could go, but I'm not feeling up to it. I'm really bummed as the kids and hubby really want me there.

You are very generous to take your granddaughter every other weekend. I'm sure she enjoys your company as much as you enjoy hers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marie05 (Feb 18, 2012)

thanks for all advice. I agree that I need to find something to do. I do not work right now because I have gotten no responses to resumes sent out. From what I understand, this is very common for the massive amounts of people that are looking for work these days. I figured that if I worked then I wouldn't be so bored in the evenings: I would probably want to have some slow, boring time. I wish I could get a job. I have even applied to minimum wage jobs just to have something...although its really not enough money for our household. I don't really blame him, per se: I just don't know what to do if I am so bored that I feel as if I will go crazy.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

1st lets start with your H's work---would you like him to stop working so you can be, not bored, and of course then you will have no money, house, car, food, insurance---but your H., will be there to hold your hand.

Why don't you find some hobbies to get involved in, or work around the house and yard---seasons' make for change, etc.

Have you no girlfriends to play cards with, or go out to lunch

When you have the grandkids, instead of camping in front of the TV, go out and do things, if the kids complain, too bad---they are the kids, you are the adults, make that evident, to them.

Try spicing up your mge., with dates, and going out, and get your H., to come home earlier so you both can go out and do things

Also start to communicate, forcefully if necessary----there are lots of things you can do, besides being bored!!


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Wow,

With all your free time and boredom, why don't you plan somethiong to do once a week with that hubby of yours. Instead of blaming him and thinking of leaving make the relatioship what you want it to be.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

It sounds to me like you are bored with your routine not your husband. Look at things from his perspective...he's getting up at 6 am and probably working 12 hours a day to provide for you. He comes home and eats dinner and he's tired. He's relieved to get home so he can just relax for a while before going to bed...just so he can get up and do it all again the next day. Spending time with the grandkids are the highlight of his week. On the other hand, you have plenty of time on your hands so find something to do during the day that you enjoy. Also don't expect him to come up with some activity to do with you. Let him know what it is you want to do and I'm sure he'll be happy to do it. Like I said, he's probably content to relax at home. If you want to do something it's on you to come up with the idea.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

read up on some massage technics so after your husband comes home from busting his a$$ all day you could show him a little appreacition.


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

You have all day to think of activities for you and dh to do so stop waiting on him and make some plans. Your dh's life is very full with his job, you, and the grandkids. You're the one who needs something to do. If you have the yard space maybe you should start a garden. If you live in an urban area then leave the house and go volunteer somewhere. Health care facilities are always in need of volunteers. Dh isn't the problem...is he complaining? No that's you. So you fix it and be fair to him. He has to be the sole provider and spend what little free time he has thinking of ways to entertain you too?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel if you are feeling "bored'.....what you need to do is get CREATIVE, Life is so full of interesting things to do, to set our hands too, volunteering, helping others, it is endless, find a hobby to sink your teeth into...what is your passion??


:iagree:

Also while you have time on your hands, how about coming up with new/different things to do on the weekends? Search out places to go where your grandchild can go too. It doesn't need to cost money. It's amazing what we can come up with when we put our heart into it. Be inspired.

How about getting up with your husband in the morning and cooking breakfast? (it doesn't sound like you do this already). It doesn't mean the rest of your day won't be boring if you allow it to be, but at least you have started the day with him and perhaps gets your day starting on the right track?


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