# How many have had 2-ddays?



## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

Im a loser first one was 7 years ago . Now i just found out she did it again in February. But who knows there were so many lies it could have been before that and after.I moved out late March after she said she was getting an apartment i couldnt take it anymore knew something was wrong. She filed papers trying to tell me she was just fed up with our marriage and was done. But in reality the guilt of her cheating was eating at her. 15 years marriage 3 kids. Hard to forgive myself for giving a second chance to destroy me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Me. D-day #1 was 6/12/12. D-day #2 was 9 days later on 6/21/12.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Let's see.

1- D-Day
2- D-Day +30, still in contact.
3- D-Day +90 days later, still in contact.
4- D-Day + 180 days discovered 2nd affair that overlapped the early parts of the affair that caused D-Day

Gosh when you put in that way, I am a massive idiot. Do be like me.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

3 ddays


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## kwood (Feb 9, 2015)

I had 3 d-days and its veary hard but there wont be a fourth. 1 should have been to many.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

D-Day #1 - 2007
D-Day #2 - 2013

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. 

I made sure there wasn't going to be a strike 3...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I've kindof had three. At least that I know of. And yes, I know what you mean about it being hard to forgive yourself for giving it a second chance . 

First one January 2008. That was after I knew he was posting ads online and he finally acted on one (big regret: I should have nipped it in the bud instead of not speaking up.....I was partially embarrassed to admit I was snoooping....wish I had TAM back then). Tried to fix things for two years, separated on and off, I could not get over it. Could not forgive.

Easter 2010, he posted another ad on CL. I saw it. He insists he did it just to get my attention. I filed for divorce.

He quickly remarried.

Summer 2013 I finally forgave him and holy cow, it was freeing. We were starting to get along and develop a friendship. Looking back, he was grooming me. I have family money/inheritance someday. He does not.

Fall 2013 he confesses he never loved her and still loved me and would have called off the wedding had I asked him to the night before the wedding. He divorced her.

I fell for everything he said hook, line and sinker.

We reconciled and moved back in together/bought a house June 2014. 

January 2015, after demanding to see his phone, found out he still loves the ex and wants to be with her.

I've bought a house and moving out next month.

Any woman who ever trusts him again is a fool, but I think his ex is taking him back. She's even dumber than I was since she was not married to him for 14 years and does not have children with him (and never will because she's 43 and he's had a V). 

I really, really desire to get to a place of forgiving him again, but I know it will take time, and certainly will not happen while we are living under the same roof. I'm working on that with my counselor.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

DD1 and DD2 were 30 years apart (I might hold the TAM record there -- not sure). The really fun part (that I probably do hold the record for)? The same OW both times. 

I gave him a second chance after DD1 but I wasn't foolish enough to give him a third chance after DD2. There are limits to my stupidity, thankfully. 

We live and learn.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

This is why I keep preaching it here. Cheaters never change. Sorry you all went through this. One was enough for me


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

All I can say is ouch and very sorry. Don't beat yourself up too bad, your WS already did enough to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

4-DDays for me. I was wasting far too much energy trying hold onto someone who didnt want to be held. If that makes any sense. Now 3 and a half plus years into divorce. Im the one who filed, but Im not the one who is stalling. Cheaters will never change, the sooner you completely end it, the better off you will be. Protect yourself, and children.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

First one September 2011 - discovered long distance EA - was told after DD#1 that nope it was over and done...went to MC - he let me look at his laptop anytime I wanted.

Second one - April 2012 - discovered hidden laptop in his truck under seat - told me that he just recently started his EA with her again because he wasn't "happy". Found out day after that he set up new email with her a couple of days after DD#1.


At that point I told more people what he had done...which humiliated and shamed him.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

2 Ddays.

The second, you're just disappointed in yourself that you wasted so much time.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> The second, you're just disappointed in yourself that you wasted so much time.


If I hadn't of had my daughter between the first and the second one, I would 100% agree.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

2 kind of...
Dday 1 was a few years ago. It was the very beginnings of an ea and I accidently discovered it almost immediately. She tried to get underground with it and a week later we had the "come to Jesus" talk and it ended. She was remorseful and at the time I thought I handled the aftermath well. Looking back I would say rugsweeping I guess. I didn't dwell on it. 

Dday 2 has never officially happened for me. I know about the affair, got a ballpark idea of when it started etc but she has never admitted, acknowledged or defended in any way shape or form. She has been completely silent for over 2 years of divorce limbo fighting. Anyone mentions the OM name and she goes silent and just stares at the wall literally. In her head its like she never moved in with him, had affair...never did anything. 

The OM gave me most of the details a few months after he got bored with her. It was obvious to me right before she moved out she was having some sort of relationship. Closest thing to an official dday 2 for me was I asked her why she was spending time at OM house, got a couple of super vague excuses and within 8 hours she filed for divorce.


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## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

How could i not figure her out? Her mom cheated on her dad, her stepmom cheated on her dad,her two sisters cheated on both thier husbands. I really did not think she would do it again. She is gonna hate paying me this durational alimony for 15 years and child support i have my 14 yr old son. She said what kind of man would take money from his wife.. i just loled.. The one who gave his cheating wife a second chance to crush his soul.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

D-day #1 never materialized until d-day #2.
Denial is a long river.
D-day should have been in 1998 but it was 2010 when things needed to change or someone was going to die.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I sort of had more than one d-day:

- ex wife announced she was leaving because she "wanted to have sex with other people" (I didn't understand what this meant at the time...)

- ex wife stayed in the house until I booted her out a week later

- the next couple of months were an adjustment, but we were friendly and very civil. She was free to come and go from the previously shared house to visit the pets, etc when I wasn't there

- discovered she was sometimes not alone when at the house

- less than 4 months after our split, she announced that she was leaving the country to move in with her boyfriend (whom I didn't know about until then)

- the guy she was going to our/my house with during this time was not the same man

- after wrapping my brain around the fact that she was leaving the country, I started to put 2 and 2 together and figured out both guys had been present for up to 2 years prior to our breakup. The local one was a mutual friend. The long distance one was somebody I knew of and had actually communicated with a few times previously

I felt very, VERY stupid after figuring this all out. Had I had TAM back in 2008, this never would have worked out this way. I would have seen the signs as they were happening, and I would have been more aware. She did all this right under my nose, mainly on our one shared computer and the home phone (no cell phones or even smartphones for either of us back then). Blatant and obvious.

And even better, some time after she left the country, I discovered highly probable evidence that there were at least 2 other men, one dating back to 2003 and the other a mutual co-worker of ours.

Like a couple of others have mentioned, I should have seen this coming. Her brother is (was) a serial cheater. Her sister had at least an EA, and her grandfather cheated on her grandmother with the same woman for 30+ years and didn't hide it (back in the day when you stayed together no matter what). She also, when much younger, had at least two relationships with guys who had other girlfriends. Including, when she was 15/16, "dating" a guy in his 20's who was allegedly separated from his then-wife.

My ex wife always acted so disgusted about cheating, and routinely, especially at the beginning of our relationship, reminded me that if I ever cheated on her she'd cut my nuts off, kill me, you name it.

I still feel stupid.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Openminded said:


> DD1 and DD2 were 30 years apart (I might hold the TAM record there -- not sure). The really fun part (that I probably do hold the record for)? The same OW both times.
> 
> I gave him a second chance after DD1 but I wasn't foolish enough to give him a third chance after DD2. There are limits to my stupidity, thankfully.
> 
> We live and learn.


You beat me. My DD1 was in 1985, during our honeymoon (in hindsight I should have had the marriage annulled) but I was young and exhausted and listened to him tell me why it was all my fault in the first place until I apologized. DD2 in 2011, so I only had 27 years. Found out later that it continued during the entire marriage. Some of us are slow learners.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Dday's WW is a recidivist. Still waiting for an update.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Is it two D-days if you count the day she admitted to a short term EA; then 10 days later I confirmed it was long term PA?

If so, you can count me in.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

badmemory said:


> Is it two D-days if you count the day she admitted to a short term EA; then 10 days later I confirmed it was long term PA?
> 
> If so, you can count me in.


Yep.


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## bigcityman75 (Apr 24, 2015)

Are all our WW considerd serial cheaters? I think mine had at least 3 or 4 in the 5 months . But she lies so much i really never can tell what the truth is anymore coming out of her mouth. She even said " but i do miss you tho" lol


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Gus,

Is it 1, 2 or 3?

(1) Caught my wife in an STEAPA with "old college BF". She was busted, emails, phone records, FB messages, it went from Hi! to the Hotel in a matter of weeks. 

(2) I suspected this wasn't her first. A few days later, I bluffed a confession she had a LTA with her former boss. She caved and admitted. 

(3) A week or so passes and I knew she was still lying. My day job is in IT/Programming. I "secured" her work network *.pst archives for 10 years. I knew it would tell me everything. She did too. She breaks down and admits another LTA with a HS friend.

3 affairs, probably a fourth from reading her email archives.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

RWB said:


> Gus,
> 
> Is it 1, 2 or 3?
> 
> ...


Wait... I thought it was something like 6 affairs over 7 years... or am I confusing you w/ someone else...?

Anyway, every time that a BS definitively learns that he or she had previously been trickle-truthed, IMO, counts as a separate D-day.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And the newbie want to know why we all say that their wayward has done this before.

reread this thread......

they tell us it was just this one time....it really isn't!

*************disclaimer************

to all the waywards that in fact just did it that one time......I'm not talking about you.
I'm just generalizing.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And the newbie want to know why we all say that their wayward has done this before.

reread this thread......

they tell us it was just this one time....it really isn't!

*************disclaimer************

to all the waywards that in fact just did it that one time......I'm not talking about you.
I'm just generalizing.


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## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

DDay 1 - in 1988 when our daughter wasn't quite a year. He was working in another state. He leased an apartment, drove back to our state to pick us up, drove us back to the new apartment and dropped us off only to disappear for a few days to be with the OW. Yup, new state, new apartment, and no transportation. My new favorite saying: when they show you who they are, believe them.... the first time! 

DDay 2 - 2002

DDay 3 - May 2012

Those are the ones I could prove. I now know of other affairs he had during our marriage since a couple of "our friends" told me about them after our divorce. With friends like that who needs enemies? 

So shame on me!


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