# Would You Want to Know About a One Night Stand?



## carsant (May 27, 2011)

An article I read earlier tonight got me thinking. If your spouse had a one night stand, and you were both confident it would never be repeated, would you want to know about it? 

If there really weren't any deeper issues in play, if it was just a one and done thing, I don't think I would want to know. 

The article describes it pretty well, here's the link for anyone who's interested: If You Cheat, You Shouldn't Confess


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

Um.... are you serious.... you have to be sh1tting us.... we are very confident it will not happen a second time.... well, will we be MORE or LESS confident that it will not happen a second time, than the confidence we HAD that it would not happen the 1st time.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I think that the idea put forward in the article could only apply to the smallest percentage of situations. The general reason people cheat is because there is something missing in their current relationship that they would rather run away from than fix.

Also, adding to the small likelihood that there are no underlying problems it would also only work if the cheater (usually) has a high moral compass. For someone to 100% be keeping it to themselves to "carry the burden alone" would be very rare indeed.

But if you are looking for an answer to the specific (unlikely) factors all coming together . . . . . i would have to say, i wouldnt want to know . . .


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would *WANT *to know. My husband knows I would want to know. I would be very very hurt/disappointed/angry~ a gamit of emotions & full of questions BUT it is something I would NEED to work through , me & him together to fully overcome. We have no secrets between us and this is very very very very important to us both. 

I am a very forgiving & understanding person -if someone takes the time & *trusts* me enough to explain their heart to me.

I do not expect "perfection", but I DO expect full transparency and honesty in all things from the one I married. My husband expects no less from me. 

And knowing this about me, if he *willingly* DIDN'T fess up & held this from me (to spare me) & I found out, the sh** hitting the fan would be 10 times worse because of his withholding - than the act itself.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

carsant said:


> An article I read earlier tonight got me thinking. If your spouse had a one night stand, and you were both confident it would never be repeated, would you want to know about it?
> 
> If there really weren't any deeper issues in play, if it was just a one and done thing, I don't think I would want to know.
> 
> The article describes it pretty well, here's the link for anyone who's interested: If You Cheat, You Shouldn't Confess


So, maybe the first time you wouldn't want to know as long as both were confident that it wouldn't happen. On the second occasion, when he/she just missed the exhiliration of the first time, but it was absolutely the last time, would you want to know? What about the third, when middle age sets in?

The saddest part of some of the members on this site is that they did risk their hearts for that second chance, and it was busted again. Some of their stories will break your heart because they too were naive and thought that such trust was possible and would be respected.

I do understand where you're coming from. If you weren't enough to satisfy your wife/husband's physical needs, you would just rather not know. To others, though, its more about the secret betrayal and how it could imply other additional betrayals.


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## carsant (May 27, 2011)

My suspicion, and I know there's some social science to back this up, is that the scenario I'm talking about would happen much more likely with a husband being the cheater than vice versa. I'm sure this is going to start a sh** storm, but I know that relationship counselors will sometimes even admit that men do, on occasion, stray from relationships which they find satisfying. Monogamy is difficult for both genders, but I think the evidence is pretty conclusive that it's more difficult for men. So a man could slip up, and if it's the result of factors that he could acknowledge and prevent from reoccurring, i.e., getting drunk enough to lower his inhibitions, then yeah, I'd rather not know.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

How can you both be confident it would never happen again if you don't both know about it?

People wish they didn't have the resulting pain. Knowing doesn't cause that pain. It is the cheating that causes it.

Personally, I have told my H both that he better not let me find out and that he better not come home. The latest was to kill me because I couldn't handle the pain. The 1st and 3rd are when I don't want to accept that we have a problem and that my heart would just break. The second is me being rational, because I want a choice in my life about who I am with. 

In the end, i would prefer my h not put himself in that kind of danger in the first place. 

A lot of ONSs are opportunity based. That is a bigger problem because the chances of it happening again are quite large. And, getting away with it once probably lowers the threshold for it happening again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

To me the bigger issue would be that he put himself in the position to even have a ONS in the first place. So would I want to know? Yes because it signifies an even bigger problem than just the cheating.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I would definitely want to know.

Especially since why would he have a ONS - I can't even get him to have sex with me - if he had sex with someone else while denying me - I wouldn't be responsible for my actions at that point.

I've taken and dealt with a lot of crap - but I would have to say - this would be the breaking point for me - that's probably the reason he WOULDN'T tell me, if it happened.

But YES for me. I have the right to know anything that puts me in harms way (STDs, etc.).


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

"Would you want to know about a one night stand?" 

is equal to

"Would you want to know that you cannot trust your partner?"

So yes, I would like to know. As with the lying, I'm not a fan of sexually transmitted diseases.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would want to know so I could go sample some strange.


whats good for the goose...................


and if the sample was good then I might decide to trade up so to speak.:smthumbup:


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

Just for the sake of the hypothetical......no, I wouldn't want to know. If it was guaranteed only a one time thing. But the problem with the scenario is that it is VERY hypothetical.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Yes, I'd want to know.
It's selfish, narcissictic, and foolish to think that the one who cheated is able to determine on their own that they'd never do it again. It's a farce; they couldn't fulfill on that guarantee the first time. 
The way to real solving for that is _together_... While it's a kept secret, it's got more power, and allows room for it to happen again -- not to mention potential things like STD's that the wronged spouse has a right to know about.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I would want to know.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I WOULD know.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

2xloser said:


> Yes, I'd want to know.
> It's selfish, narcissictic, and foolish to think that the one who cheated is able to determine on their own that they'd never do it again. It's a farce; they couldn't fulfill on that guarantee the first time.
> The way to real solving for that is _together_... While it's a kept secret, it's got more power, and allows room for it to happen again -- not to mention potential things like STD's that the wronged spouse has a right to know about.


 I totally 2nd this - :iagree:


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## JLynnMann (Apr 6, 2011)

In short- yes. Because of all the reasons others mentioned before me. STDs are nothing to play around with nor is trust and honesty in my book.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would want to know it was clumsy, drunken, shameful & unfulfilling. So I could laugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Depends. If it happened last week, I'd like to know. If it happened years ago and I had been clueless all that time, let me remain clueless.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I asked my husband how he would feel last night, stressing that it would be a 1 TIME thing & *NEVER* happen again -- would he WANT to know. He took a moment to ponder that and said he thinks he would NOT , as it would destroy too much for him. 

But I am the type who almost *needs *to confess my wrong doings/my sins to get them off my chest, I don't think I could live with myself or hide something like that, it would eat at me. But here he would not want to know. 

I trust I will never find myself in such a predicament, so all is good.


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