# What to do::



## lumbeemama40 (Jun 24, 2015)

my husband has always been loving. He was 50 when I found out he had been having an affair for about 2 months. He asked me to forgive him and not to leave. So I stayed. Now the loving and love making has almost stopped. He now tells me it is because of his blood pressure. (which he was having a problem with it then as well.) Is this because he is no longer attracted to me or what.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good eveing
I don't think we can tell from a distance. He might still be having an affair and not want sex. He might be devastated by guilt and not want sex. He may have lost interest first and that led to the affair. 

Unless something medical has changed recently, then I don't buy the blood pressure excuse. 

I'm sorry, its a miserable situation to be in, but I don't see how to tell between these and many other possibilities. You are of course in much closer contact with him, are there any hints as to what might be going on?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

How long ago was the affair?
Seems like he possibly has taken it up again.

I can't say I "don't believe him"... I mean, if he's having ED issues, I doubt its due to blood pressure.. but could be blood pressure meds?? Or Could be due to stress... which can be underlying cause of both ED and high blood pressure.
ED issues can be extremely devastating to a man's ego. Even to the point of driving him to try at an affair just because he's proving to himself he can still get aroused.

I'd check to see if he will confirm if the affair had started again, or is still going on?

If it's ED issues... there might not be an affair going on at all. Walk gently.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Start by getting him to a doctor to make sure he does not have low T or other health issues that can contribute to low sex drive.

You sound lost on what to do to recover your marriage... like there is a lot of sweeping problems under a rug that is going on. Here are 3 books that would go a long way to giving you and him a good road map on how to rebuild your marriage.

Surviving an Affair: Willard F. Jr. Harley, Jennifer Harley Chalmers

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage: Willard F. Jr. Harley


Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love


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