# How do you stop thinking??



## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

Our family has been through the ringer the past 2 months and our sex life has suffered. I feel bad for my husband but it seems that my mind can't let my body go, if you know what I mean. Does anybody have any good ways to get my mind to shut-off?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Do you drink?


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## Mussi (Dec 7, 2015)

That's a tough one. I'm a worrier too, and once things get churning it can be impossible to stop the trail of thoughts. It can keep you from sleeping. On the long term I would recommend practises like meditation, mindfulness, qi gong or tai chi, but that will only give results after some time. On the short term, if it gets to be too much just a few nights of good sleep or a few days of not overthinking can make all the difference for your mindset and your mood and can keep the thoughts from making you go mad. You could go to the docter, he could prescribe you something, though I wouldn't recommend this as a long term solution. Seeking therapy is another long term advice. Or try to refocus your attention to things that make you grateful, albeit I think you should not just ignore what's going on, you need to go through it to get out stronger.

I'm lucky in that my sex drive remains high even if everything else around me is crumbling, so my man nor I have complaints in that area, though I must admit it can be slightly harder to achieve orgasms. But for the sex drive I don't think I can give you advice as I don't have experience with those issues.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Start a journal. Write everything down as it comes into your mind. Put the worries on paper. See if you can also, in the moment think of solutions and write those down as well. 

For the longer term, you might want to practice mindfulness. Do some research on it and see if this might be something you want to do.

Also, meditation will help keep your thoughts focus. It takes a while to train yourself to focus on one thought. So to help with that you pick one thought and repeat it over and over again. The mantra. This will keep you focus and let all other thoughts flow away. 

Good luck.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Do you drink?


LOL, yes I do, but right now, I seem to have lost taste for that. My appetite is slowly coming back so maybe this will follow. Our son (not a baby - 25) has been in the hospital for 7 weeks with 10 surgeries. I haven't been sleeping good, eating well, thinking straight etc. since the accident. With Christmas upon us now I just have even more to do and face the facts that this wont be a normal year for us or our other kids. This is also causing my mind to go crazy. Trying to figure out what to do and what to let go.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Brandy905 said:


> LOL, yes I do, but right now, I seem to have lost taste for that. My appetite is slowly coming back so maybe this will follow. Our son (not a baby - 25) has been in the hospital for 7 weeks with 10 surgeries. I haven't been sleeping good, eating well, thinking straight etc. since the accident. With Christmas upon us now I just have even more to do and face the facts that this wont be a normal year for us or our other kids. This is also causing my mind to go crazy. Trying to figure out what to do and what to let go.


I don't know if you pray. But if you do, you might want to sit down and have a talk with God. Just hand him your burden and ask him to give you guidance in your time of need. Remember the hymn, "Give it to the Lord in prayer". I like doing this when things get too out of hand. Makes things lighter for you and you are not so alone in your time of need.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Meditation works, once you've gained a little skill. So does Xanax - and it can definitely help you get to sleep, especially with melatonin. It's short acting and doesn't make you groggy the next morning. I suggest you tell you doctor what's going on and ask if Xanax can help.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Do you drink?


^is that your suggestion? it made me chuckle  



I've had good luck with taking a magnesium supplement (250mgs) about an hour before bed. It helps with the restless tossing and turning feeling. You can find it wherever they sell vitamins. Getting enough sleep sometimes helps the scrolling bar of thoughts at the edge of consciousness. 

Yoga and meditation are helpful too, even just some gentle stretches. There are a lot of free videos for relaxation yoga on youtube. There is an exercise where you relax your body to sleep ie: lay down, relax your neck, shoulders, arms fingers, chest ect. Slowly, one by one and in order. It's supposed to make you fall asleep before you get to your toes. I do it when i feel anxious as well.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

sixty-eight said:


> ^is that your suggestion? it made me chuckle
> 
> 
> 
> ...


lol, well her main question was about how to relax enough for sex (as far as I understood it), so yes, that was my suggestion since it's a temporary "fix" to relax .


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My daughter (teenager) can't turn her brain off at night and recently started using Melatonin supplements to sleep. They work very well for her, although she did tell me yesterday that she is now taking 2 because her body seems to be getting used to them. I took one of them Saturday night and it worked, but I was soooooo drowsy all day yesterday, and I don't know if it was from that (I got 8 hours of sleep) so I'm not sure I'll be doing that again. I'll stick to my Benadryl or 1/2 Unisom.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> lol, well her main question was about how to relax enough for sex (as far as I understood it), so yes, that was my suggestion since it's a temporary "fix" to relax .


Yes that was my main question! 
(I have been taking zzzquill to help sleep, some days it works some days it doesn't)


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> lol, well her main question was about how to relax enough for sex (as far as I understood it), so yes, that was my suggestion since it's a temporary "fix" to relax .





Brandy905 said:


> Yes that was my main question!
> (I have been taking zzzquill to help sleep, some days it works some days it doesn't)


I agree with STR... a couple quick shots of booze may help take the edge off, enough to relax and get in the mood.

Obviously, this is not a long-term solution  but may be enough to get you over the stumbling block.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> I agree with STR... a couple quick shots of booze may help take the edge off, enough to relax and get in the mood.
> 
> Obviously, this is not a long-term solution  but may be enough to get you over the stumbling block.


i totally agree with this, as long as you are not trading one problem for another. Plus, too much booze can lead to nighttime waking.

But a glass of wine at dinner or a shot or two before bed might be your healthiest option.

I just was laughing because it's odd to see that as a suggestion here  struck me funny.

I forget to mention, i know that it's an obvious one, but if i don't cut my caffeine/sugar intake at around 5 hours before bed, i notice a distinct trend for the worse in my sleeping patterns.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Combination of things is the best. Xanax for short term. Just to shut your mind off so you can sleep. Practicing mindfulness and meditation as a long term strategy. 

And mindfulness during sex is 
quite pleasant. You just force your mind to focus on your sensations.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> My daughter (teenager) can't turn her brain off at night and recently started using Melatonin supplements to sleep. They work very well for her, although she did tell me yesterday that she is now taking 2 because her body seems to be getting used to them. I took one of them Saturday night and it worked, but I was soooooo drowsy all day yesterday, and I don't know if it was from that (I got 8 hours of sleep) so I'm not sure I'll be doing that again. I'll stick to my Benadryl or 1/2 Unisom.


Do not increase meds like that.

Make sure that she is getting enough magnesium, fibre, and water. No pop, sugar, calcium, b vits in evening. Also sunlight and oxygen very important.

Exercise is also a big factor. Modern diet has high energy content, if we don't burn it in exercise; then the high stimulation of the modern environment overcharges the brain.

Keep away from electronic devices for up to 3 hours before sleeping. the lighting inside an LCD style device causes the chemicals in the brain to think it is mid-morning/afternoon constantly, completely opposite to what you want.
Also reading, working, and studying cause the subconcious parts of the brain to stimulate, as it processes the information via the mirror neurons, just as if we had lived through the experience... ie just as if we were active during the day. Distracting oneself might help a little, but really that is overstimulating the conscious mind, not the subconscious which is keeping the engines running! Again, heavy exercise during the day tells the muscles to send chemical signals to the hindbrain which helps with sleep.

If still having problems, consider alternative sleep patterns like microsleeping deliberately.

If anxiety is a problem see a medical doctor. The longer it is left the harder it is to treat and will lead to panic attacks and eventually agoraphobia.

Herbal teas (some with a small amount liquid honey) can help. I recommend starting with lemon ones (as the lemon + honey, is a lovely smooth drink). honey = sugar, so only use it occasionally.
Chamomile herbals (eg tea) are very effective, don't take them constantly, and IMO they taste disgusting so I drink it cold. often just a deep sniff of the tea bag, can take the edge off anxiety.

St John's Wort infusions (eg teas) is also very effective, although it is more a mood balancer than a de-stressor, and also after taking St John Wort for 3 weeks, there _must_ be a 1 week break period, otherwise it can damage the liver and organs.

Which brings us back to the meds. If they're less effective it is because the body has adapted. up the meds then body will just keep adapting until something breaks. If the treatment is getting less effective, best talk to GOOD doctor, about the wean off symptoms; and then take a small break from the meds - knowing that it means that exercise and alternative treatments need to be ready, as do support network, and a low stress plan (eg don't do it when getting together with family for thanksgiving...) . This gives the body a chance to return to normal, and any residue from meds (or cell damage from meds! or from their binders!!) to flush from the system. Once the pipes are clean then reintroduce.
Also check that no food or other activity is interferring - eg taking sleep meds for sleep ; then forcing body to read electronic screens at night; forces the body to adapt to overcome the sleeping meds.
The doctor visit can be important because some psychotropic meds rely on slowly building up in the body to become effective, so sudden changes can result in delayed problems.


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