# Husband acting like a child.



## memyselfandI4 (Jul 6, 2021)

We decided to have a new house built a little over a year ago, lets just say between typical construction BS and the pandemic we are still stuck living in temporary conditions. 

When we bought the property I warned him that it would take a lot, and I mean a lot of constant maintenance until we were able to completely re-landscape which is impossible until the construction and final mortgage are complete. Yet every weekend I have to nudge him to do things I physically can not do. We live in an extreme fire danger area and the county has little to no tolerance for non-compliance. When he insisted on new instead of already built I warned him that I wouldn't be able to help (chronic health conditions) yet every friggen day he has tantrums about something else that needs to be done or how miserable it is to live in such a small space.

His latest is trying to force me to get a job outside of the house - like really he thinks that I should drive to the next town over and work at KFC instead of working at home because he thinks it will pay more due to being more consistent. (I have chronic migraines that affect my nervous system), and somehow still do all the cleaning, cooking, pay the bills, do the laundry, take care of all the pets, and stop whatever I am doing at the drop of a hat to fix whatever problem he has at the moment. Working from home doesn't always pay well but I can't get fired when I can't stand up straight or have tinnitus so loud I can't hear what people are saying clearly. I absolutely have to be able to make my own schedule.

So now he is trying to hold things over my head. I inherited a dog when my mother passed. He does have chronic health issues and just yesterday I was told by my husband that if he couldn't have a new bike part/replacement (budget is really tight at the moment/hobbies, not a priority) then the dog was going to have to put down if he had to go to a vet. (before all my fellow dog lovers panic - don't worry I would not let it come to that - I do what I need to, I have a home visit vet on call and a degree in alternative and emergency medicine), but the fact that he is trying to hold the dog's health hostage to his hobby is pissing me off.

When I tell him we need not spend so much money on this or that he freaks out - starts using really bad mental math, and then refuses to actually look at the bills. Then when the cc debt starts to rack up blames me, saying that I should have told him that we were over budget. He has a 100.00 a month coffee allowance that he can't stick to and tries to blame my 9.00 box of hair dye for all our financial woes. He seems to think it can all be magically fixed with my getting a crapy MM wage job that will just end up with me in the hospital. I've played this game before with him. I work and do EVERYTHING else because his job is "harder" than mine, and I'm not going to do it again, it would literally be more expensive in the long run. 

I don't know how to get his head out of the sand - He likes to say "it's simple math" but coffee and hobby parts somehow don't count. We have no one to help us if anything goes south and I'm stuck trying to squeeze pennies out of dollars. He is acting ungrateful for the brand new house, and pouting constantly about things that are out of my/our control, or that I warned him were going to be an issue, and then takes it out on me when he has to deal with the natural consequences.


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## cizzle (Dec 7, 2021)

memyselfandI4 said:


> We decided to have a new house built a little over a year ago, lets just say between typical construction BS and the pandemic we are still stuck living in temporary conditions.
> 
> When we bought the property I warned him that it would take a lot, and I mean a lot of constant maintenance until we were able to completely re-landscape which is impossible until the construction and final mortgage are complete. Yet every weekend I have to nudge him to do things I physically can not do. We live in an extreme fire danger area and the county has little to no tolerance for non-compliance. When he insisted on new instead of already built I warned him that I wouldn't be able to help (chronic health conditions) yet every friggen day he has tantrums about something else that needs to be done or how miserable it is to live in such a small space.
> 
> ...


Have you just asked him what his problem is? Why is the coffee and hobby such a big thing to him? And is he really ready for responsibility as a spouse? It totally sounds like you are arguing with a little boy.... I am sorry about your condition too and how he isn't supportive, understanding, or even helpful. I hope things are better since you posted.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

memyselfandI4 said:


> I don't know how to get his head out of the sand


You can't. You cannot change your husband. Only yourself.

And, you are stuck with him, as long as you can't support yourself financially living alone. I'm not a medical professional, but even a layman has to understand that your stress level is exacerbating your migraines. However, if you were living alone, you would qualify for financial assistance, and I think you might find some relief from your medical problems by being away from your stressor. You will continue, however, to require professional medical advice and care.

You have made a very, very, very, BAD decision about buying this house which is not even being built for you yet. Go to a lawyer and see how you can get YOURSELF out of this contract.

Kick his selfish a$$ to the curb and find your own living arrangements. Secure health coverage and income for yourself until you can get relief from your migraines and find a job. Yes, you will likely have to start at minimum wage until you can develop your skillset and be able to demand more salary.



memyselfandI4 said:


> I've played this game before with him. I work and do EVERYTHING else because his job is "harder" than mine, and I'm not going to do it again, it would literally be more expensive in the long run.


I must label this as somewhat delusional. The facts are, his job is NOT HARDER than yours, and you DON'T HAVE TO DO "EVERYTHING". The delusional parts are that it will be "more expensive in the long run", and that this is a "game". 

My dear lady, this is not a "game", and the MOST expensive path you can take is the one you are currently on. It is going to wreck your health completely.
Refuse to do "everything". Do only that portion which SERVES YOU. 

What you need to do is three-fold:

1) extricate yourself from him and his delusions of grandeur, thinking he can actually afford this new house......
2) apply for, and receive medical and financial assistance to support yourself apart from him;
3) as you can then return to work, work ONLY FOR YOURSELF. It's YOUR MONEY. Not his. Develop your skills, and make MORE money. It's YOUR CAREER, and YOUR LIFE.

In his absence, you will have a pleasant one.


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