# I need help asap



## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

I've been with my husband for going on 5 years, we've been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old son. This past weekend we got in a huge fight. Let me explain to you what exactly happened, we went to a KIDS birthday party that my son was invited to over at one of my husbands cousins house, well everything was fine until in reached about 10:30pm my son was telling me "GO" which to him means lets go, you know kids at that age get grumpy when they are mad. So I told my husband that it was time to leave, mind you that this is a KIDS party, he was dranking with his cousins and their wives, I dont drink. So my husband wasnt ready to leave, so i tried to occupy my son and played with him more so its gets closer and closer to midnight and i finally thought enough is enough its time to leave when i finally told me he asked me to go get the car and park it closer so we didnt have to walk far i did, came back and he still wasnt ready. so i got the my son ready to leave and told my husband it was time to go. he still didnt want to leave. so i took my son put him the car seat asked my sister in law to sit with him went back in and i basically dragged him out of their this is when problems got wrost, he told me that i had no right to do this. I told him that our son was tried and it was time to stop thinking about him and to think about his son. well he got mad and told me to leave and he didnt want to find me when he got home, so i left to give him time to cool off (I went to my mom's house) Now he wants to talk about getting a divorce because hes not sure how he feels about me. I dont know what to do i tried to talk to him but its not working. I dont want to get a divorce, i love him so much, i dont know what i should do, should i except the fact that my marriage is over, the problem is i dont know if i can be a parent on my own with my son. I love my husband so much. I spoke to one of my uncles and he told me that my husband is prob. seeing all his buddy/cousins doing what ever they want and since he cant he wants to be free to do what ever he wants. i know i dont want anyone else i love him so much. was me pulling him out of the party while he was drunk and try to take him home. Oh forgot to mention that same day he was drinking all day so i thought enough was enough. what do i do?? please someone help me..........


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Sounds to me like he's got a drinking problem. It was not unreasonable at ALL to ask to take your 2 yr old son home before midnight. Side note: what KIDS party goes til 10pm or later?? That's nuts. 

I don't know what else is going on with your husband and you, but clearly the fight at the party was just the catalyst.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

my personal belief is there should be no alcohol at all at a children's party. there's no reason for it. and like above, what children's party lasts into the night? don't know if he has a drinking problem coz you only pointed out that he drank that day, so i can't say anything. but i do feel he was wrong for making your toddler son stay up til midnight coz he wants to party. like your uncle said, he prrobably sees his friends doing what they want and he wants that freedom too. i think a lot of people here have spouses who are going through that (me included). i don't have much advice to give except maybe find some people who were at the party who agreed w/ you and have them talk to him. but that may make him feel like you're ganging up on him. definitely sit w/ him and talk thoroughly about this


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## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

I've been trying to talk to him since this happen and it doesnt seem to help, he just doesnt want to deal with it, i know that kids partys shouldnt go that late, but his family will use any excuse to have a party. Last night when we where talking he was telling me he doesnt know how he feels any more about me. When i asked him why? he didnt want to talk about it. He's thing is that i dont do enough around the house. He doesnt understand that I work Full Time, I go to school Full Time at night 3 days a week and on Saturday Mornings, I get out of work at 4pm make it home by 4:30 or 5pm when i go pick up my son. and leave to go to school at 5:30 get home from school at 10:30pm so i'm left with 2 days a week to do things around the house get my homework done and so fourth. He thinks i cant manage my time. He never picks up our son from the babysitter or anything, and gets mad if he has to help do thing around the house. I tried to tell him that he should be a little more understanding because i'm graduating from school in 3 months and after that things will start to be easy for us as a couple. i'll be able to get more done around the house and cook more for him, i dont get how he expects me to do everything in 30 min or less before i leave for school. yes i admit sometime i can be a little lazy but i work hard, i'm working hard to provide a better furture for my family that i work so hard to build. Some people tell me if this relationship ends i'll be okay because i'm still young i'm only 22 years old. but i dont want to break my family apart. when i went to stay with my mom saturday night my son who only knows a few words here and there was crying and telling me "NO MAMA, STAY DADA, NO GO" this was heart breaking and i dont want my son to feel this way if this where to lead to a divorce


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## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

We've had our ups and downs as a couple but we have always been able to fix things for the better and make our realtionship work. we've always came up on top. This is the first major fight we've have since we've been together. I dont want us to end things because of one stupid fight


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The kid's party was the catalyst - not the problem. It's apparent that he feels there are some substantial issues in the relationship. What's your take?


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## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

I mean we've been pretty much a happy couple, saturday morning while he was drinking with his buddy we was mad the whole time, i was cleaning the house taking care of our little one i let him be, when i was done cleaning and i asked him if he could watch our son who was asleep so i could go quickly to the store to buy something he was fine with that, when i came back he was laughing with him friend and his friend let it slip that they where going to go buy more beer and my husband forgot my son was there sleeping, and they left by the time he realized it they where back from the store it only took them 10 min but still how can someone forget their owe sleeping child.


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## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

He only drinks on the weekend, And i dont think they where drunk while driving, they only had a six pack thats why they wanted more. See i tried to tell my husband that he has to know the limit and he passed the limit and he should have realized it when he left our son alone even if it was 10 min. Things between us have started to go a little bad after our son turned 2 so just the past month, this is the same time that his buddy that he was drinking with on saturday started to work with him. i think it was about 2 weeks ago that he was drinking in our kitchen with the same guy that, he and his buddy left to go to his house to continue dranking and he didnt come home until 6am and we never got the chance to talk about that situation either but we kind of igorned it and we went back to normal like nothing occured. but this is the first time i left for the night i didnt think this would be taken to the extrem.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

As far as the party is concerned - instead of 'dragging him out of there' or even attempting to, just simply say 'honey the baby (whatever his name is) is tired and I need to take him home. Do you want to go with us or meet us later?

That way you are taking care of yourself and your son and leaving him to make good or bad decisions. He may have really resented you trying to MAKE him come home and losing face in front of his friends.

The party when he's drunk is NOT the time to reason with him.

Once he got home and was calm - do NOT bitc* at him. Just say - we need to talk and walk away. Yes he was acting like an a$$. Telling him that will only make things worse.

How did he react to remembering he left the baby home ALONE? That will tell you alot. I think his new drinking buddy and workmate is having a bad influence on him. Tell him exactly that. Tell him you need to make sure your son is taken good care of and you HOPE that he will be part of your lives. 

Tell him you are ready to talk when he is then drop it. Just be quiet and silent till he's ready to talk. Don't sleep with him, take good care of your son, live somewhere else if you have to.

For what it's worth it may wake him up. You need to turn this around on him where YOU are the one making the decisions, not him. Otherwise he will walk all over you, see you as weak and they will laugh at you and abuse you.


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## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

Thanks for the advise, i did try to tell him first that our son was tried and he just ignored me and kept dranking. I know my husband and he has a temper if i where to leave and leave him home he will not let me come back, his theory once your gone theres no coming back. Maybe if i didnt pull him out of the party things would be different right now but i feel like i had a right to, he was going to far with this dranking. I guess for know i'll be in my home just not talking to him and just deal with it until hopefully things blow over and hes ready to talk. i suggested to him that we seek professional help, but i dont know if that will really help us.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Your husband doesn't just drink on the weekends. You can count on it. And i wouldn't use the word "just" to describe the weekend drinking. he drinks constantly all weekend long.

Before you can deal with anything else in your marriage that may be wrong, the drinking has to be removed from the equation.

And I agree with others, no kid party requiring the presence of a toddler should involve booze or late hours.

Until you get things figured out your husband cannot be trusted to watch your child alone. What father forgets they've left their child while they go off to get more booze.

You know, if he is offering to divorce, you may want to consider that to be a gift.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

cherimellody said:


> Thanks for the advise, i did try to tell him first that our son was tried and he just ignored me and kept dranking. I know my husband and he has a temper if i where to leave and leave him home he will not let me come back, his theory once your gone theres no coming back. Maybe if i didnt pull him out of the party things would be different right now but i feel like i had a right to, he was going to far with this dranking. I guess for know i'll be in my home just not talking to him and just deal with it until hopefully things blow over and hes ready to talk. i suggested to him that we seek professional help, but i dont know if that will really help us.


I think that's part of the problem. Like my husband, you can't TELL them anything. Try to move them when they don't want to go? WW III! 

I got to the point where I would move what I could. ie. ME. Don't tell him what to do, tell yourself. Then tell him what YOU are going to do. Take back some of that power. 

Honey, I'm taking jr. home is a powerful positive statement. AND one you can actually do something about.

Stop drinking this minute and come home you CAN'T control. 

So don't try.

What do you mean "he would not let me come back?" if he chooses to stay at a party and drink after midnight and you need to take the kids home, let him find his own way home.



> i feel like i had a right to, he was going to far with this dranking.


Only HE can change his drinking. What you can change is whether or not he does it around YOU and your SON.

You may have BEEN right to think he had gone too far, but good luck getting anybody to see that while they are drunk.

Control what you can (your life, your son's life) and let him control his. 

Stop worrying about what he will and won't let you do. Been there, done all that. Spent 10 years with a man like that I tried to change. it's NOT worth it. He can change, but it will be because you ignore him and do what's healthy, not because you do what he tells you to.


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## cherimellody (Mar 9, 2009)

Thanks everyone, last night i had a very long talk with my husband, our son was at my mothers house. I cooked his fav. dish and we had dinner together. He aske me why i cooked for him, i told him because if we are real going to end this relationship i wanted to give him one last meal that i would cook for him and leave him with clean clothes and a clean house. He started to cry (1st time every) he told me that all day he's been thinking about us and our future. he was determined to let me go out of his life but his heart was hurting and he just started to listen to it. He told me that he was sorry and his drinking was getting out of hand and he want to get help. Tomorrow we are going to go see a therapist and sign him up for AA meetings to help him control his addition to alchol. I was very surprised because for the first time he listen to what his heart told him to do. He never has done that before. He said he wanted to be a better father and husband. I just hope that this is going to help us to become stronger. His father was an alcholic until he lost his first wife and thats when he seeked help. i'm just happy that he was able to admit to this and seek help before he lost me. 

Thanks everyone hopefully thing will work out i know it will be hard to go through his AA meeting and the alchol withdraw. He did admit to drinking at least one or two beers a day so the good thing is he did the first step to recovery.


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## mitkit46 (Jan 19, 2009)

awesome, yeah, hopefully this will be a happy ending


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