# OM - what makes them go after married women ?



## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Why single men don't mind or even looking for a married women? What is it? What if they have more than one experience with them?
I know, I am the one to be blame for my mistake but I also need to understand what's going on in their minds.

I need to see things clearly because Christmas is coming and with it - OM. I have not see him for almost a year and I am afraid what would happen if I run into him somewhere. I already know he is not good for my marriage and wondering about him is just toxic. But, I do still thinking of him even though we do not talk anymore.

Also, it is killing me to know that I may meet him somewhere by accident. This town is simply too small and I can't leave anywhere.

So, what is it? Why OM like married women?
Mine had already two. I am his third one and even though he tried to be only friend with me, he always came back for more. 
Is it just accident that he meet woman like me? That his previous marriages did not work?
I need to get him out of my head without thinking of him as my knight in shining armor. 
I need to see him differently. But how?


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Why do married women go after single men??? Why would a women cheat on there husband to be used for sex by another man?? Why would a married women ruin there marriage for a man she knows has already had affairs with other women? Is this post serious?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

AlphaHalf said:


> Why do married women go after single men??? Why would a women cheat on there husband to be used for sex by another man?? Why would a married women ruin there marriage for a man she knows has already had affairs with other women? Is this post serious?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know why I did it. And also know how naive I was. But I still don't know why they do that. Is not there lots of single girls they can mess with? I am being serious.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I've seen this answered a few times
1. Is a huge ego boost taking another mans wife.
2. They assume you're less likely to carry disease
3. If you get pregnant another man is stuck with the baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

They are opportunistic predators. He saw a weakness in you and he took advantage of that. It has nothing to do with him trying to save you and be your knight in shining armor. He wanted his whistle wet. 
If it wasn't you it would have been some other married woman. 
I hope you are seeing a counselor. Your thinking is going to hurt you in the long run.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Silverlining said:


> They are opportunistic predators. He saw a weakness in you and he took advantage of that. It has nothing to do with him trying to save you and be your knight in shining armor. He wanted his whistle wet.
> If it wasn't you it would have been some other married woman.
> I hope you are seeing a counselor. Your thinking is going to hurt you in the long run.


I am seeing counselor. Thank you for answers.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Less drama when you ditch them. What are they going to do, tell their husbands/wives or go psycho so that everyone will know they cheated.

Use them, ditch them and move on. That's for single men or women.

Single men just are looking for sex, well some are looking for the sugar mamma also.

Single women are in it (if they're after married men) for the $$. Sex is just used to get more $$ out of the sucker.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> I know why I did it. And also know how naive I was. But I still don't know why they do that. Is not there lots of single girls they can mess with? I am being serious.


Single girls are more work. You provide the only thing he needs. He does not have to take you to dinner. A few compliments is all it takes and he gets whatever he wants.

You have low self esteme and are very easy to control. 

He does it because he does not respect women and you are someone he does not have to respect.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

jim123 said:


> Single girls are more work. You provide the only thing he needs. He does not have to take you to dinner. A few compliments is all it takes and he gets whatever he wants.
> 
> You have low self esteme and are very easy to control.
> 
> He does it because he does not respect women and you are someone he does not have to respect.


Also if a single girl goes psycho on you, you better move and change your name. Less chance for a married one to do that. Won't say it doesn't happen but less chance.

I'm talking about the single guy who's out only to get laid and uses the girl(s) for sex and nothing else.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Easy piece of a$$ from whoever is naive/selfish/feels entitled/or just dumb enough fall it. No strings attached, easy to get rid of, willing to keep the affair secret for obvious reasons. And just the knowledge that he is sticking it to another mans wife and made her break the vow. Another notch in his belt for spoiling another mans goods. This applies to wonen who cheat with mm as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

If someone remembers there is a posting written by a man who explains why he went after married women and what he did to them. I took what he wrote and compared it to the FBI's profile of a preditor and found that the qualities match. The only difference is that the OM goes after the child's mother and not the child. You say he only wanted to be your friend. Unlikely, he was grooming you before he made his move, he only ever wanted in your pants, and he will do it again if you give him the chance. What I cant understand is why good decent men must run second to scumbag sleaze balls and wives (like you) never see the truth of it. Why would you get back with a man who has no interest in you beyond sticking his p**** in you, at the cost of your family and husband. Why?


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Why single men don't mind or even looking for a married women?


Free p0ssy without any real commitment. imho


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> Also if a single girl goes psycho on you, you better move and change your name. Less chance for a married one to do that. Won't say it doesn't happen but less chance.
> 
> I'm talking about the single guy who's out only to get laid and uses the girl(s) for sex and nothing else.



Agreed. They are not looking for anything long term, just easy. The cheating wife is far more likely to do anything he asks. She has very little self respect, not morals and cheaper than.. well you know.

You don't have to buy them dinner, gifts, remember holidays or anything. It is all about sex so there does not have to be the work you put in a real relationship. No fights or anything. Those are for the dumbsh*t that loves them and is at home.

He does all the hard stuff and you get all the benefits.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Silverlining said:


> They are opportunistic predators. He saw a weakness in you and he took advantage of that. It has nothing to do with him trying to save you and be your knight in shining armor. He wanted his whistle wet.
> If it wasn't you it would have been some other married woman.
> I hope you are seeing a counselor. Your thinking is going to hurt you in the long run.


Yeah give all the credit to the OM. The wife's a sweet little angel who didn't know she was being taken advantage of right? 

The fact is, they go after any kind of pvssy married or not. it all depends on how receptive the women were to their "manipulations". Being married didn't stop these women from spreading their legs and saying come fvck me, did it?


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

OM like married women because the married woman is putting herself "out there" ...I know this from my ex...when she was "married" (truly married) she shut down other men. But when she was "looking" OM came out of the blue..it is like they could smell her availability.....yea men are always looking but only for "available" bait..


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I think for these guys married women with needs not being met are much easier. Dating a single woman is more complicated because she is either consciously or unconsciously looking for a partner and evaluating your worth as a partner that you might eventually marry. IOW, she is looking for her best option for a relationship partner.

I think that with married women the dynamic is different. Some married women will start to slag off their husband and/or home life, often subtly. They are clear what their need is or what void is in their life. It then is very simple to present yourself as the answer to that need. It's not about presenting yourself as the best option for a dating or longer term relationship partner. It's not about trying to figure out what the woman wants, etc.

The need is often very clearly communicated and even if the guy is a poor choice of a general partner, he can fill the need. She gives him an 'in' by complaining about the home life and he uses this as his point of attack.

-If she doesn't feel pretty, OM makes her feel pretty
-If her husband is a weak beta, OM's the bad boy
-If her husband is boring, he's mr excitement
-If family life is stressful OM takes her away from her problems and into a fantasy world
-If her husband lacks ambition and jumps from job to job, OM is focused and pointed.
-If her husband is simple and stupid, OM lays on the intelligent conversation.
-If her husband is a slob, OM is refined and understands the 'good life'

Simple...easy to see the void and easy to present yourself to fill that void.

I have never been the OM to a married women but I've seen this play out in various offices, etc.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Yeah give all the credit to the OM. The wife's a sweet little angel who didn't know she was being taken advantage of right?
> 
> [The fact is, they go after any kind of pvssy married or not. it all depends on how receptive the women were to their "manipulations". *Being married didn't stop these women from spreading their legs and saying come fvck me, did it?*


:iagree:
^^^^^^^
This right there has always puzzled me.
I don't understand why people do shyt and then take themselves out of the equation when it hits the fan.

I think the OP is not taking _serious_ responsibility for her actions. She is still thinking its the man's fault somehow.
The reality is that the OM came after her for sex because her actions said that she was available for sex.
She had poor personal boundaries.
Full stop.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

It is simply for sex without commitment. A single person can simply live their life as usual and know they can hookup for sex when ever they get a chance. Also, the wining and dining and typical dating between two single people doesnt come into play, its usually right into the sack. And the intensity of the whole scene is magnified by the secretive/thrill factor. Thats my opinion anyway.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I agree with CM about the boundaries and a woman opening herself up to this. For example - married woman (MW) giving an opening to the OM's attack:

(Monday morning at the office among coworkers)

OM - Hey...did you have a good weekend?

MW - yeah, pretty good. you?

OM - Great - went to a new Vietnamese restaurant downtown.

MW - Oh I love going out to eat and trying different foods but unfortunately my husband doesn't really like to go out much and he's a meat and potatoes kind of guy. And we NEVER go into town. [that's all the opening needed for the OM to put the wedge in]

OM - That's a shame. For me, life is all about trying new things. I'll try anything once! I can't imagine going through life without experiencing different cultures. The suburbs are so boring for me. [establishes that he is a very different person than her husband]

MW - I'm definitely with you on that! I've tried to change my husband but I've given up on that. He is who he is. [she's crying out for more]

OM - Well next time I go out, maybe I should give you a call! [registers interest and makes her think]


Or (no opening for the OM)

OM - Hey...did you have a good weekend?

MW - yeah, pretty good. you?

OM - Great - went to a new Vietnamese restaurant downtown.

MW - that sounds fun. I love doing that kind of thing but it's difficult with the family now. I mainly stayed around the house with my family. Great to relax and just spend time together during the weekends!


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Married women are *EASIER*. Dead men tell no stories and neither do married women.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It is possible to fall in love with someone who really you should not have fallen in love with. 

They can either say: "Sorry, I am married" or: "Let's get it on together."

The latter can lead to all sorts of problems.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Why single men don't mind or even looking for a married women? What is it? What if they have more than one experience with them?
> I know, I am the one to be blame for my mistake but I also need to understand what's going on in their minds.
> 
> I need to see things clearly because Christmas is coming and with it - OM. I have not see him for almost a year and I am afraid what would happen if I run into him somewhere. I already know he is not good for my marriage and wondering about him is just toxic. But, I do still thinking of him even though we do not talk anymore.
> ...


This is why after an affair it is best to move away so there are no accidental meetings with the OM.

Also as to why are you not over the OM could be how you think you are in NC but are not.

Reading old letters, texts, emails is maintaining contact with your OM.

Keeping gifts from the OM instead of throwing them away.

Asking friends about or letting people update you about the OM.

Looking at OM's FB.

All these things are breaking NC with the OM.

As to your original question why OM go after married women because they are men and men want to bang women.

Now whether the OM are married or single they will do a married woman because they have no values.

Now this makes me ask when these girls where not married and they would shoot down eligible guys that wanted to be their boy friends now have now problem putting out for no value losers and cheat on their husbands.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

OK, what if the wife finally leaves for the OM? Does that change that he was an opportunist, or maybe he was seen more as a confidant? Or does that mean he was an opportunist who finally fell in love? In my case, the OM was married (but with no kids) and my wife left me for him after a 6-month affair (we have kids). 

Note: the OM had a previous affair during his marriage, and before that had a brief affair with an older married woman.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

couple said:


> I agree with CM about the boundaries and a woman opening herself up to this. For example - married woman (MW) giving an opening to the OM's attack:
> 
> (Monday morning at the office among coworkers)
> 
> ...


:iagree: That's it right there....and the other person does not see it coming....that's why when I was married I used to get really pissed when my ex would talk about our relationship with others at work...unfortunately you have all these self-help gurus like Dr. Phil saying if you keep things private, it is dysfunctional. No - it's keeping your relationship safe from predators.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> It is possible to fall in love with someone who really you should not have fallen in love with.
> 
> They can either say: "Sorry, I am married" or: "Let's get it on together."
> 
> The latter can lead to all sorts of problems.


Well you can fall in love with someone - but how? Only with inappropriate boundaries with someone other than your spouse....people just don't "fall" in love......they have choices and chose to pursue..so the "Let's get it on" was there from the beginning.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Why single men don't mind or even looking for a married women? What is it? What if they have more than one experience with them?


You can buy into the BS that these guys are just alpha males doing what nature programmed them to do. But I'll bet most of them go after "unavailable" women Because they are exceedingly un-Alpha.

One, an OM took their wife. Some men handle this experience in the worst way possible and live like vampires spreading their immorality and misery to others. The universe dealt them a bad one and so they are looking to get back at the universe. They take a hit and never quite get up off the mat. These men are failures.

Another class are the men who simply cannot compete for available women. Available women, especially attractive ones, have high defenses and require a fair amount of "game" to hook up with. These men lack that skill so they move onto low-defense married women and pay lip service to whatever misandristic crap was being discussed on The View that morning. These men are losers.

It's bad enough being a WW, but if you are selecting a single AP in hopes that they've landed an elusive Alpha, you are more than likely in for a world of serious disappointment.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

couple said:


> I think for these guys married women with needs not being met are much easier.


As an aside, I have to laugh whenever someone uses the word "needs" in this context. Just wait until this country goes through a real economic collapse and see how high externally-validated-prettiness ranks on your list of "needs." It would be about 30 spots below decent-place-to-take-a-dump.

#firstworldproblems


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

The guy my wife had an EA with was a complete failure. I have him beat in every category. Its one of the things that hurt so bad. She choose this guy over me. It was low feeling.

He slowly worked his way in as a friend but used everything she said about our relationship as a way of attacking me and building himself up. After a few weeks she believed he was great and i was crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

staystrong said:


> OK, what if the wife finally leaves for the OM?


It means nothing. Now, if they stay together until the day one of them dies, well, that means they are within the, like, 2% of OM and WW couplings who amount to anything resembling a respectable couple.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

*I already know he is not good for my marriage*

Why are you asking,what makes them go after married women?
Should you not be more concerned why you chosen to keep
and still keep fooling your so called husband,why you are still married?

OM is not the one that is bad for you´r marriage
Sorry to say this but YOU are..OM become´s a huge problem
if you have a marriage to begin with...

Sorry to be so harsh..But it is difficult to have sympathy for
you.As long as you keep robbing you husband of a life. He is entitled to.But are not given due to your selfish reason.

Spend more time fixing your problem´s then wondering what Douchy people like OM´s intents are..You will be far better of then.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

kenmoore14217 said:


> Married women are *EASIER*. Dead men tell no stories and neither do married women.


They don't yell, they don't tell, they don't swell, and they're grateful as hell.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I took my anger out on the OM, but as I told my W the truth is he didn't promise or owe me anything. My wife took the vows. She is the one that broke vows and promises. She is the one that almost destroyed our family, and ultimately the responsibility was on her to be honest and faithful. The OM only deserved what he got because he knew she was married. In the end my W owned the A regardless of what anyone else did.

Blaming the OM is like blaming the ice cream man for making you fat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Better analogy. Like blaming the baker for making you eat cake. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

WW has to be the first person to take the blame. Had she put half the effort that went into the A, to save the marriage then things would get better. Instead she went for the easy way out justifying her selfish decision by blaming the BS. Like everything else in life, the easy way out in most of the cases is the way to hell.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> Well you can fall in love with someone - but how? Only with inappropriate boundaries with someone other than your spouse....people just don't "fall" in love......they have choices and chose to pursue..so the "Let's get it on" was there from the beginning.


I did when I met my wife. Love at first sight. That experience made me a believer in love at first sight.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Ovid said:


> The guy my wife had an EA with was a complete failure. I have him beat in every category. Its one of the things that hurt so bad. She choose this guy over me. It was low feeling.
> 
> He slowly worked his way in as a friend but used everything she said about our relationship as a way of attacking me and building himself up. After a few weeks she believed he was great and i was crap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mine did the same thing......they eventually find out....


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

A married woman who makes herself available is EASY pickings for a guy whom has no integrity. Even in a bad marriage, most of the woman's needs except perhaps sex and intimacy are already being taken care of, so a predator would only have to say a couple key words to fill in the blanks and he becomes the center of the woman's world. Plus like others have said, for such a guy it is probably a big ego boost to bang some other man's W, and he really doesn't have to worry about any consequences because he never really invested much to begin with, plus discretion is assured, so in and out is easy.

Or the other kind of guy I could envision is not really a predator just a low code of ethics and some horny married woman pursues him, he would probably feel pretty good to have that attention and think it was meaningful somehow, but really he is just being used - not to many guys would complain about being used like that (except of course by those who have a conscience about being with a married woman).


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> I did when I met my wife. *Love at first sight.* That experience made me a believer in love at first sight.


That´s an interesting notion. I just to believe it to(instill do i guess) But i read an article once.That most of us has this love at
first sight idea,completely wrong.

Its attraction is what that comes first. It´s seen from an evolutionary stand point.
Meaning attraction is inherent in us "only" to make sure mankind is and keep reproducing our self´.love is just a bi product.That is left as the initial attraction wears of.
When i first read that.My first thought what a load of bulls..t

But think about it.. Two people meet.Fall head over heel´s in love (attraction) drawn to echoer as hell.Doing it as rabbit´s

But what usually very often happen´s around the 3-5 month´s mark.Where that initial attraction wears of.People start to see
they are not so compatible .im speeding things up now. The ending there relationship. Only to say ,month´s or a few years later.I never will know what i saw in him/her..

Not sure what to make of it..But the article writer.Does not seem to be way out on that line of reasoning.


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## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

Thank you for all your responses. 
I know I was and still am very naïve. I don’t really have experiences when it comes to men and relationships with them except the one with my husband. 
That’s why I asked why they do that. 
I know why I did it.
Also, I do take all responsibility for my actions and mistakes. It was not OM fault, it was only mine and I blame myself for it since day one. Believe it or not. 
This man is not regular man who can actually go after sex, real sex. He has permanent ED.

Other thing is, I did mess up NC. I looked at his FB page.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> This man is not regular man who can actually go after sex, real sex. He has permanent ED.


 Doesn't matter, he got his thrill off using alternate ways. He used more emotional methods to compensate for his ED. Either way he got you.

And 


> Other thing is, I did mess up NC. I looked at his FB page.


 proves it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

AwfullyGuilty said:


> Thank you for all your responses.
> I know I was and still am very naïve. I don’t really have experiences when it comes to men and relationships with them except the one with my husband.
> That’s why I asked why they do that.
> I know why I did it.
> ...


I haven't read the whole thread but let me mention one.

This doesn't deal with SINGLE guys. But married people seem to cheat with other married people quite a bit.

And it's because of access. Friends, neighbors, co-workers, relatives.

I don't know how you met the OM, but I assume you had access to him. And when you (generic) are put with other men, particularly in a close environment, sparks MAY fly if you allow enough friction to occur.

Single, married, doesn't matter. Because people are good at rationalizations if they aren't careful...or they're mad...or they're horny...or they're curious as to 'how far things will go'.

Which is why opposite sex friends aren't a good idea.


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