# Women - read at your own risk. It's about money.



## jnyu44 (Feb 13, 2012)

This is for all the gentlemen who, according to their wives, need to make more money. Or, on the flip side, they need to spend less time in the office and more at home. Because like you, I was an idiot for not applying to that high paying job that you only have to work 40 hours a week for. 

I do my family and my parents' finances. Got a sister goin' to med school so yes I gotta take that into account.

Over lunch with my wife and sister, I make the mistake of saying sarcastically "ya know, sis, I do take care of you. I'm making sure you're getting med school paid for."

Took about 2 seconds for her to go ballistics and talk about how greedy people are a-holes and the real heroes are the ones running non-profits, that life isn't all about money, and that I'm basically an awful person. My wife gives her two cents and joins in on the bashing.

Last time I checked, loving numbers and investments does not qualify one to be a greedy a-hole. A good person to me is someone who has integrity and I could care less what his or her take home is. I fire back and say just like I'm not judging you for your decision to spend 200k of family money (which I actively invest and plan) so you can pursue your passion, leave me the f alone and let me pursue mine. I then keep my mouth shut for the rest of lunch except to answer questions with one or two words.

Bill comes, I pay. 5 hour work week wife puts on a burberry coat, louis vuitton bag that holds her lv wallet, hunter boots, and coach gloves. All of which I purchased with a "smile" on my face. 

It all makes me wonder why I don't take my late 20s (she's 5 years older), great income, no kids-behind and just start a new life where I sure as heck could start with a new canvas. I ain't no picasso but I paid minimal attention in art class.

And here's the f-ing kicker. I tell myself it's because they're good people.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ahahahahahahaaha lol

Seriously, if I was paying for my sister's fees and she bites the hand that feeds her I'll tell her to get fked and support her own fking studies. And as for my wife joining in with the bashing she can get fked too!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

There is a price to be paid for fiscal success. Money doesn't come from nothing. If anyone can do it and it has a regular schedule, it is low paying. Sorry, that's the way of it.

It is technical difficulty and sacrifice which makes a job high paying...and all of them take a toll on the family. The job didn't tell you got get married. The job doesn't care if your kids are happy. The job needs you to perform a function.

Your sister needs to pay a part of her own education so she gets schooled.

Being willing to spend other people's money on 'good' things doesn't make you a moral person. It makes you a person who is willing to spend other people's money.

Ask sis how much of her educational fund she wants to go to the local homeless shelter. Bet the answer is 0


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Everyone has issues. Even the wealthy. 

You don't have to be poor to produce art. Just carve out some time for yourself and stick to it. You can always sketch...but bring paper along...those cloth napkins at restaurants don't really lend themselves to it. Personally I think it would be interesting to see art that portrays the ugly side of wealth with lovely technique. Just paint/draw/sculpt what you see. No worries.

If you're not fulfilling your dreams, that's an issue that doesn't have to do with anyone else. It has to do with your own boundaries.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I don't blame you for being peed off. You're taking care of everyone's business and they repay you with rudeness and ingratitude.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sounds like they both missed the value of money lesson. Regardless of what you do if you with your wife now, when you have children teach them about money. Expose them to the "real" world, teach them to appriciate what they have. I think as parents we want to give our children everything but sometimes we create monsters that expect things handed to them. Maybe your wife and sister could benefit in volunteering in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think people can forget that for every Mother Teresa there's got to be funding to support her.....money and supplies don't grow on trees. People are basically hypocrites by nature, they always have one set of standards for them and another set for everyone else. I think it makes them feel better because it allows them to think they're less selfish than they really are.
And I don't know why you'd warn women about reading this thread; I see nothing anti woman about it, I just see a couple of spoiled b!tches, but that isn't gender specific. Unless your intent is to suggest that this is a general womens attitude thing.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'd take all the wife's clothing to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, and replace the essentials with used stuff from there. I'd also replace her car with something used and modest, cancel all her credit cards and put her on an allowance, empty joint accounts and put in your name to manage. I'd suggest she get a real job. Let her learn to appreciate you and what you provide! I'd also either cut off the sister or halve the amount contributed to her education - she can get loans for the rest (and I wouldn't cosign them).


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

jnyu44 said:


> Took about 2 seconds for her to go ballistics and talk about how greedy people are a-holes and the real heroes are the ones running non-profits, that life isn't all about money, and that I'm basically an awful person. My wife gives her two cents and joins in on the bashing.


They have confused politics with reality.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

1) ALL women are not like this so, even though you 'paid minimal attention in art class', PLEASE do NOT paint us all with the same brush.

2) If the 'family' money supporting your sister's med school education is coming from your parents, inheritance, etc. then there's nothing you can do. If it's coming in ANY PART from YOU, you are free to cut it off. She'll get over it or not, it's YOUR money and YOUR decision. But don't keep supporting her and act like a martyr.

3) Cut your wife's credit OFF. NOW. She sounds like a spoiled, greedy, entitled person and guess who contributed to all that? YOU, Mr. Louis Vuitton-Burberry-Coach-buying anything-my-wife-wants-I-can-afford-to-get-her-because-I'm-one-of-life's-hard-working-winners. YOU have made her believe that she is ENTITLED to all this overpriced cr*p! YOU have helped her believe that she is "special" because she owns it. YOU have helped indulge a now ever-growing-never-gonna-be-satisfied conspicuous-consumption lifestyle in her that will only continue to get worse. Therefore, YOU have the means to STOP IT....NOW.

If she has credit cards, destroy them. Your paycheck goes into a bank account in YOUR name only. You transfer sufficient money to the 'family' account to pay bills ONLY. If you can't trust her to pay the bills (she'll take the money on a shopping spree and then just expect you to cough up more dough to pay the bills this month since you obviously have it), then YOU start paying all the bills. Put her on a strict allowance: haircut once every 6 weeks, small allowance for toiletries, that's it.

She wants mani/pedis: get a job.
She wants a designer wardrobe: get a job.
She wants to go tanning: get a job.
She wants to go to lunch/drinks with friends: get a job.
Getting the pattern here?

If she decides to pull the plug on this relationship, then what have you lost? She's either IN THIS RELATIONSHIP whole-heartedly as a PARTNER, or she's just gold-digging. You can figure it out in a short amount of time.

Good luck!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I hope you tipped well.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Where is John Galt?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Geez...your post is why if anything happened to my wife I'd never get remarried. I don't think I could be certain someone really loved me for me. My wife still spends money like we are newlyweds (sparingly) and she isn't into labels at all. I couldn't support a woman that acted entitled.

Where I live in upper class suburbia the bars are filled with divorced dads that work 60/hr plus weeks. Often times they became over weight while their well kept wives stayed fit. The script is usually ILYBINILWY followed by divorce. 

They end up continuing to support their wives lavish lifestyles because they don't want the kids to suffer/change schools. The only silver lining is that most of these guys find that there are plenty of single ladies interested in a man with good income. Money easily adds 2 to 3 points to sex rank.


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## jnyu44 (Feb 13, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Geez...your post is why if anything happened to my wife I'd never get remarried. I don't think I could be certain someone really loved me for me. My wife still spends money like we are newlyweds (sparingly) and she isn't into labels at all. I couldn't support a woman that acted entitled.
> 
> Where I live in upper class suburbia the bars are filled with divorced dads that work 60/hr plus weeks. Often times they became over weight while their well kept wives stayed fit. The script is usually ILYBINILWY followed by divorce.
> 
> They end up continuing to support their wives lavish lifestyles because they don't want the kids to suffer/change schools. The only silver lining is that most of these guys find that there are plenty of single ladies interested in a man with good income. Money easily adds 2 to 3 points to sex rank.


I give my wife the benefit of the doubt when it comes to materialism. Lots of issues stemming from her wealthy family dominated by a nasty mother who herself has psychological issues.

haha about the 2-3 boost in sex rank. Now if only the girls you would want to marry actually fell for that...life's a b, eh?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I feel for you. You have a selfish wife and sister.

My DH works 2 jobs to support us and our children. I have worked in the past but now am a SAHM. I am so grateful for what he makes. I never take him for granted. I don't want to dishonor him by wasting his money or talking bad about or too him. I am very frugal and very thankful for him and what he makes.

Not all women are greedy you know whats........I think it all depends on the character of the woman...


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

These are self-help books of a different kind, lol.

The Fountainhead & Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

jnyu44 said:


> Took about 2 seconds for her to go ballistics and talk about how greedy people are a-holes and the real heroes are the ones running non-profits, that life isn't all about money, and that I'm basically an awful person. My wife gives her two cents and joins in on the bashing.
> 
> And here's the f-ing kicker. I tell myself it's because they're good people.


And they could well be good people, but it's very easy to to take this kind of altruistic stand when someone else is footing the bill. And there are just as many guys who talk like this as well.

Probably not unusual for siblings to disagree on issues like this, but WTF is your W doing on the disloyalty bus?


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## CaptainLOTO (Nov 6, 2013)

I was putting this into my personal history. I married a woman who was VERY frugal. We went through some lean times early in our marriage when she became a SAHM. (This was what we both wanted.)

Then I started making more money and her frugal side disappeared. I recognize I had a lot to do with this. Encouraging her to spend money because it made me feel good to provide. Now it's gone too far and I realize I need to reign things in and exercise more control over our finances. It sounds like the OP needs to do the same... Sit down, explain the spending priorities and your expectations. 

The comment from the wife and sister do demonstrate an entitled mentality. The way to negate this is not to cut them off (at least not immediately). Instead, it's about showing leadership and setting the tone about money. Appreciation will come with respect and respect will come from leadership - not just from earning the big bank.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Money easily adds 2 to 3 points to sex rank.


No it adds 2 or 3 points to a golddigger's tally. 

I know what you're saying here; it's common parlance, but money has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with social status and material security. We often translate/confuse those with sexual attraction, but it's not. 

That said, after my divorce I lost a lot of material things, some wealth, but still have a great income and am crawling out of the debt hole it created. I miss some of the old habits, but discovered you can have possessions, or you can be possessed by them.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

..the man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Is that proverbs, John?


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> Is that proverbs, John?


Should be...were I in jnyu44's place when my wife and sis made such ridiculous comments, it would not have ended well...I'm a capitalist, and know what created my wealth. And I also know what reduces my wealth, people like jnyu44's wife and sister, demanding I give up the fruits of my labor through the gun of the government so that they don't have to do what I did to make it. Pizzes me off...I'd have to have a very, very close talk with my W, and what she can expect her life to be like in the future if this was how she felt about wealth...


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Funny thing about most of the wealthy people I know. They're cheap bastards a lot of the time. That's how a lot of them got wealthy. Sure you have to spend some to make some, but they aren't frivolous. There's no return on a mink coat. 

I don't consider myself wealthy but I'm a cheap bastard too, unless there's something I specifically want. Then I get the absolute best I can afford.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It's funny, as in ironic, that in my life I worried the most about money when I had the most. At the points in my life when I essentially had nothing (first starting out and subsequently after my divorce and starting over) I didn't worry about money at all. I suppose I had nothing to lose. Later on when I did have savings accumulated I worried far more about it.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Heh... I always had time and no money, or money and no time.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> No it adds 2 or 3 points to a golddigger's tally.
> 
> I know what you're saying here; it's common parlance, but money has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with social status and material security. We often translate/confuse those with sexual attraction, but it's not.
> 
> That said, after my divorce I lost a lot of material things, some wealth, but still have a great income and am crawling out of the debt hole it created. I miss some of the old habits, but discovered you can have possessions, or you can be possessed by them.


Back when I was single the old dudes used to say you will never miss out on women when you're chasing money, but you will lose money if you're chasing women. I think I got that right....its good advice too.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Philat said:


> And they could well be good people, but it's very easy to to take this kind of altruistic stand when someone else is footing the bill. And there are just as many guys who talk like this as well.


Altruism is what you do with what you work for... Not what you want done with what someone else has...


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

OP: From that day forward, I would not contribute a red cent to either my sister's education nor my wife's fashion needs until I got a sincere apology from both of them. Not a red cent.

And buy yourself a new canvas and some fresh paints and enjoy yourself until they understand how much they offended you.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I might be reading too much in, but OP says he "manages" his "family's" finances. Did he make the money or is this family money? He didn't say he was actually paying for med school, he said he was "making sure" she could go.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

jnyu44 said:


> And here's the f-ing kicker. I tell myself it's because they're good people.


So you're complaining because people who YOU decided to give money to aren't being appropriately grateful?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> No it adds 2 or 3 points to a golddigger's tally.
> 
> I know what you're saying here; it's common parlance, but money has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with social status and material security. We often translate/confuse those with sexual attraction, but it's not.
> 
> That said, after my divorce I lost a lot of material things, some wealth, but still have a great income and am crawling out of the debt hole it created. I miss some of the old habits, but discovered you can have possessions, or you can be possessed by them.



I would argue it's only an issue for men who actively use their money to get the best looking money can buy. Men who consider something besides how hot a woman they can get and how good the sex is are less likely to get a gold digger. Not that we shouldn't all look for someone we're attracted to but character traits should also be considered.
You're right that money does NOT up sex rank; it ups the odds that a certain type of woman will have sex with you. It doesn't mean she's attracted to you. If you want anything beyond short term casual sex there's a big difference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I don't know if I'm reading this wrong or not but I dont think OP is paying for sisters eduacation as some are suggesting.

He is merely managing the money. So there is some sort of trust or portfolio that he rights the checks against. But it's not money obtained by him. That would definetely change the perspective of OP's sister being ungrateful.

Am I right?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're right. But his issue is that they're selfish. Nothing he can do about that. Except maybe revamp the way she's got access to the money.

If my DH were acting that way about the money we'd saved up for her college, my next step would be to say as long as you have a part-time job, this money will pay your tuition, or some such thing.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

jnyu44 said:


> This is for all the gentlemen who, according to their wives, need to make more money. Or, on the flip side, they need to spend less time in the office and more at home. Because like you, I was an idiot for not applying to that high paying job that you only have to work 40 hours a week for.
> 
> I do my family and my parents' finances. Got a sister goin' to med school so yes I gotta take that into account.
> 
> ...



I love it when they throw around the greed word.

Who is greedy? The one who wishes to keep what he rightfully earned or the one who wants government to confiscate it and give it to the one with whom it does not belong. 

I do not believe I have a right to another s labor. 

As stated previously; who is John Galt! Bravo!


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## lovelifeandwanttoenjoyit (Sep 14, 2013)

jnyu44 said:


> This is for all the gentlemen who, according to their wives, need to make more money. Or, on the flip side, they need to spend less time in the office and more at home. Because like you, I was an idiot for not applying to that high paying job that you only have to work 40 hours a week for.
> 
> I do my family and my parents' finances. Got a sister goin' to med school so yes I gotta take that into account.
> 
> ...


Dude not sure how this would end, but I F... love how you put it.....everyone is a critic until someone messes with their stuff.....

Loved the kicker!!!! :smthumbup::iagree:


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

My LV purses, my Coach bags, my Hunter boots?
I bought 'em...with my own money. 
Your wife needs to get a job & stop taking you for granted.
If you stop enabling her bad behavior, she may realize that in order to buy the things she wants, she's going to have to get out there & bust her ass like everyone else does. 
I love nice things, I don't expect my H to provide those things for me, that's one reason why I will always works.
Next up is a new car, I'm taking my time, trying to decide between getting another SUV or a car. 
Guess who is buying the car?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Pretty much the basis of all issues.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I would argue it's only an issue for men who actively use their money to get the best looking money can buy. Men who consider something besides how hot a woman they can get and how good the sex is are less likely to get a gold digger. Not that we shouldn't all look for someone we're attracted to but character traits should also be considered.
> You're right that money does NOT up sex rank; it ups the odds that a certain type of woman will have sex with you. It doesn't mean she's attracted to you. If you want anything beyond short term casual sex there's a big difference.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Preach on lifeistooshort! I know some well-off men who are always complaining about gold digging wives/girlfriends then when I meet their SO she's a borderline playmate looks-wise who otherwise brings zip to the table. But she's really good at using those credit cards and talking about the vacation home she wants in the Caribbean. And she's usually at least 10 years younger. 

I know other well-off men who admire their wives and never speak ill of them. Some of their wives are pretty, some less so. They are a mix of lawyers, doctors, philanthropists, and stay at home mothers. Some are pretty enough to be models but they don't use it as "currency" so to speak because their appearance is not where they get their self worth. 

When you make a deal with the the devil - you must pay the devil his due. I find it hard to believe these men did not know what they were getting into. Shallow is as shallow does. 

Also let's keep all the capitalism good/bad arguments out of it. This isn't really a political issue in my book but more along the lines of coming from a place of integrity in all our dealings, monetarily and otherwise. If OP's family really feels that strongly, they should not dip their hand in the investment fund he manages. To take the money then complain about it/him is hypocritical to the highest degree.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

doubletrouble said:


> Heh... I always had time and no money, or money and no time.


I know that feeling well, as a younger man if I banged in all the overtime offered then I could pull in enough money that there was some left over for "fun" but I did not have the time or energy to enjoy it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

bravenewworld said:


> Preach on lifeistooshort! I know some well-off men who are always complaining about gold digging wives/girlfriends then when I meet their SO she's a borderline playmate looks-wise who otherwise brings zip to the table. But she's really good at using those credit cards and talking about the vacation home she wants in the Caribbean. And she's usually at least 10 years younger.
> 
> I know other well-off men who admire their wives and never speak ill of them. Some of their wives are pretty, some less so. They are a mix of lawyers, doctors, philanthropists, and stay at home mothers. Some are pretty enough to be models but they don't use it as "currency" so to speak because their appearance is not where they get their self worth.
> 
> ...


ITA! Capitalism has its faults as no system is perfect, but it's one of the best long term systems in the world. It's biggest flaw is that it rests on the greed of the people and everybody always wanting more, but if you keep that in mind you can get around it. I live on a lot less than I make because I don't require a lot of stuff. If I was him I'd stop funding these two, but that's up to him.
I think the best way to sum up relationships is that you should always judge a partner with the same criteria you want them to use to judge you. If you use shallow criteria then expect to get a shallow partner; it's an age old double standard that rich men should be able to have that much younger arm candy that I'm sure they gave little thought regarding what kind of person she is, but somehow she should be above that and love him for him. .Remember the public floggings Anna Nicole Smith took when she married that old billionaire? Gold digging wh0re! Yet nobody said a word about him, he wasn't looking for a nice woman of good character. So once again, she was expected to be altruistic but it was perfectly fine for him to be shallow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

jnyu44 said:


> This is for all the gentlemen who, according to their wives, need to make more money. Or, on the flip side, they need to spend less time in the office and more at home. Because like you, I was an idiot for not applying to that high paying job that you only have to work 40 hours a week for.
> 
> I do my family and my parents' finances. Got a sister goin' to med school so yes I gotta take that into account.
> 
> ...


Walk.


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