# The Dreaded "Lack of Foreplay"



## BlueRoseRed (Mar 21, 2009)

Right now I am dealing with my husbands lack of foreplay. We've talked about this numerous times. I make sure to come to him respectfully, even blaming myself and expressing what I could do to help the situation. 

What I get from him in response is him reiterating what I should do and why he doesn't feel up to doing much of foreplay because he is not sure that his efforts would not be rejected. We had communication problems that resulted us in retreating from each other in the past. 

I have since worked and successfully "come out of my shell" so to speak. He hasn't... and he keeps telling that he won't until he's comfortable in that he won't be rejected. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold up my end, stay cheerful, trying to stay excited about sex.... even though I have to warm myself up. 

When we do have sex, understandably I'm not as excited and active. So, then he gets upset and I have to try and make him feel better by having to put on a bit of an act as if I'm all hot and bothered and all warmed up! His lack of foreplay consists of this... He announces that he is "horny", "feels like having sex", etc., then proceeds to stick fingers and tongue in holes, squeeze my butt, breasts... then he's ready to have sex. Meanwhile, all other hot spots that aren't "obvious" are ignored and I'm lukewarm at best.

It's starting to wear on me, especially after our last argument. The lack of foreplay was the topic. I was very upset because we were going through the same hoops again as we had before and I was reaching my wits end. Finally, it ended with what I wanted him to do in the first place...

He said he has to think about what makes him continue to act this way and what he can do to help it. He said he has to look at what he's gone through in the past with family and etc. . I cried (partial relief and mostly sadness that we went through all this all this time) and said that's what I wanted you to do in the first place.

He looked at me puzzled and said, " That's what you wanted me to do, look back at what I've gone through and figure out why I'm acting this way? Why didn't you say that in the first place... this would've been ALOT easier!"

I was shocked, he basically blamed me for his failure to "LOOK IN THE MIRRIOR" before giving me criticism! By the way, I did say to him "Look at yourself and what you can do to help this situation" more than one time. But since the combination of words weren't put together "correctly", his lightbulb didn't go off, and therefore it was MY FAULT!

That rubbed me the wrong way, and now I'm significantly distant with him. It's like I love him, but I don't like him right now. I don't know how long I can hold out until he has another lightbulb moment and actually listens to me. I would like to know what advice anyone has.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Did you ever think about "foreplay" board games or creating your own "game" 

You know write 10 things "she wants" and 10 things "he wants"

put them both in a container, one his and one hers...

Play a game of cards, loser of the hand has to pick something out "blindly" and perform that task for 2-5 minutes (whatever you decide)

on your 10 things, put things down that "excite" you

It's a fun way to get things accomplished in the right direction.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

How about the real version, 19 things he wants and one thing she wants?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

bluerosered. i have had issues of H not going down on me enough . Its been nearly a yr since his infidelity and quite frankly its not changing.
yet i gave him everything. i offered everything to make our marriage work. its been a yr of literally ups and downs, getin our sex life back on track. 
but well ive established things arent the same. so i told my H i dont want to be with him. there are a couple of other issues to. 
but fact i like the whole package of sex and that one element stopped me from feeling wholly wanted.
only so much i really felt i can take, like waiting month by month for him to change..
now its a yr and ive had enough. so to answer the thread, the dreaded lack of foreplay wil be that, a lack of.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

BlueRoseRed-

Two questions:

1)Are you hinting that many years ago he used to touch you a lot more and you shut him down?

2)Does he give you afterplay/make sure you come?


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## BlueRoseRed (Mar 21, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> BlueRoseRed-
> 
> Two questions:
> 
> ...


He did face rejection in the past when we were having communication problems.

And no, there's no afterplay, and I don't want any afterplay because that would mean he would just try to f**k me some more until I cum. That would just make me more annoyed and sore.


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## BlueRoseRed (Mar 21, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> Did you ever think about "foreplay" board games or creating your own "game"
> 
> You know write 10 things "she wants" and 10 things "he wants"
> 
> ...


I like that Idea. That might work!:smthumbup:


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## BlueRoseRed (Mar 21, 2009)

I'm actually thinking I should just chalk that "Lack of Foreplay" as a loss and just accept it. I just miss feeling like he was just so "starved" to f**k me... instead of him now, just being horny and how convenient that my hole is so readily available. That hunger is gone from him, I guess that only lasts the first few months....

But, what scares me is what if some random guy that happens to catch my eye shows me that "hungry" kind of attention and it vibes with me? Totally engaging my mind the way he used to. I'm not saying I would cheat, but I don't even want to have to deal with that situation you know.

I want to keep my marriage up so that even if a guy like that came along, he'd have no chance of getting my attention because I'd be so wrapped up and happy with my hubby.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Foreplay board games will work, plus you can communicate what actions the game says to do that you really like for times when you aren't playing the games.

You can pick them up at any Spencers, Ambiance, or any adult type stores.

We've played them in the past.

We also have played a version of strip poker, where once one person is naked and they lose again, the winner gets to pick a "thing" to do, and within reason there can be 0 "no I won't do that"s.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

BlueRoseRed said:


> I'm actually thinking I should just chalk that "Lack of Foreplay" as a loss and just accept it. I just miss feeling like he was just so "starved" to f**k me... instead of him now, just being horny and how convenient that my hole is so readily available. That hunger is gone from him, I guess that only lasts the first few months....


I am still hungry for my wife after 19 and 3/4 years. I feel sad when people assume it's supposed to fade. We had to work at it. It's not hard work, it just takes the right attitude. Your anger is blinding you from doing what it takes.


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## BlueRoseRed (Mar 21, 2009)

Update...

We had another talk about it and HE UNDERSTANDS NOW! YAY!!!! We're gonna look at some fun adult board games and other things. He didn't quite get that it was the "hunger" that I thought was missing. To be more explicit... I really missed him treating me like a "SL*T" in the bedroom.

It's all being fixed now, and we're much happier... we even made another "home video"... LOL Thanks for everybody's help!


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

BRR, congratulations!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> I am still hungry for my wife after 19 and 3/4 years. I feel sad when people assume it's supposed to fade. We had to work at it. It's not hard work, it just takes the right attitude. Your anger is blinding you from doing what it takes.


you know what mark - your right on this one. you touched on a thing my H has said 3 times in the last yr.
we dont have to do stuff anymore, he told me . made me really sad. 
whereas i dont ever think it should fade.


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## MMA_FIGHTER (Feb 2, 2009)

right on...im glad for you blue rose, the funny thing is, is that im a guy and i dont even understand some guys and what they are thinking. in your case justean, i have no idea why he would tell you that yall dont have to do "stuff" anymore but, from what i can see on your pic, it might sound unproffessional and i dont mean to offend you or anyone else..but, you are very hot. thats the only way i can describe it...(i was never accused of having a great vocabulary)..not a knock on your H, im sure he is a great guy but sometimes peeps dont realize how great they got it till its gone.
i enjoy reading what you and MT have to say and although i dont respond to every post i have been reading these forums for a while before i signed up.
so thanks to all and God bless...
PS i just turned 32 yesterday and i got a really cool laptop that my wife bought me. my friends was teasing me tho, saying that since my wife doesnt work, technically i bought it myself...that might be true to a bachelor or single person, but it really is the thought that counts and the funny thing is, is that i was eye'ing the exact same one at best buy a few days ago....great minds think alike.
and i told her that was the best gift ive ever gotten on my bday, then i hugged her a kissed her and then groped her for a min, then slapped her on the butt and told her to get in the bedroom, the best is yet to come*....yaaaaaayyyy meeeeee
i love all you guys on here...yall are good people


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## BlueRoseRed (Mar 21, 2009)

MMA_FIGHTER said:


> right on...im glad for you blue rose, the funny thing is, is that im a guy and i dont even understand some guys and what they are thinking. in your case justean, i have no idea why he would tell you that yall dont have to do "stuff" anymore but, from what i can see on your pic, it might sound unproffessional and i dont mean to offend you or anyone else..but, you are very hot. thats the only way i can describe it...(i was never accused of having a great vocabulary)..not a knock on your H, im sure he is a great guy but sometimes peeps dont realize how great they got it till its gone.
> i enjoy reading what you and MT have to say and although i dont respond to every post i have been reading these forums for a while before i signed up.
> so thanks to all and God bless...
> PS i just turned 32 yesterday and i got a really cool laptop that my wife bought me. my friends was teasing me tho, saying that since my wife doesnt work, technically i bought it myself...that might be true to a bachelor or single person, but it really is the thought that counts and the funny thing is, is that i was eye'ing the exact same one at best buy a few days ago....great minds think alike.
> ...



AWWW YAY! How cute!


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