# Porn "The Parasitic Marriage/Sex Life Killer"



## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

Hello Everyone,

I have been married twice and still have one common problem linking them both. I am married and I am still addicted to porn. I have been married to this woman since May 2014 and we've been together since May 2013.
I want to quit but I keep failing at it. My current marriage is sexless because I don't feel the need for intimacy or sex because of pornography. When I am able to rack up a week or two without it, my attraction starts to come back for my wife, sex and intimacy. So I know porn is the problem and I don't want anything to do with it anymore but I can't seem to find a good strategy to quit. I know this is a HOT TOPIC. I am starting this to discuss Pornography and It's effects on marriage and How men or even women can build a strategy to quit it before it ends everything we hold dear in our life because it will. Hopefully I will make some friends on here to help hold me accountable and nip this addiction for good.

Oh...and might I also add that I am 26 years old and have erectile dysfunction, I have tried both cialis and viagra for it which hasn't seemed to work. I also am on 2 blood pressure medications which my dr says wont effect it but I am not so sold on that because I've literally tried everything and it's so humiliating, debilitating, and frustrating to lose an erection during sex (when we do have sex) so this is probably why I turn to porn so much. It may even be porn induced ED because I have been addicted to it for many many years.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

....go on.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

how strange
thread supposedly started by maniwanttobe
no first post by him
and a blank post by Ray (not even a "good evening")


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I didn't even post, just opened the thread. Forum says he is a member that joined yesterday but won't let me message him. 

As a recovered porn adict I was hoping to help. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Well, I'll jump in!!

Does porn ruin marriages...yes and no. If either spouse is more in to porn than they are into their spouse then yes it probably is a parasitic marriage killer.

But porn can actually HELP a marriage...if one is HD and the other LD watching some porn together will get the other 'going'.

If you decide to watch porn you know what to expect...people having sex....its a visual thing...you might think 'ugh, disgusting'...but you'll have sexy thoughts. So just as viagra can help a guy get hard so can porn help get both turned on.

Time and place I guess.

Now the OP will come back and complete his post; 'Porn "The Parasitic Marriage/Sex Life Killer" - has anyone read it?

Hahahahaha!


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I've been there and done that. Your gonna have to want to beat this with everything you have and then some. 

Message me if you'd like to talk or want help

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

While I have nothing against porn and have watched it with partners from time to time, I do feel that the fact that my husband has learned what he knows about sex from porn. On the odd occasions that we do have sex, it is very porn style. There is no emotion involved, never any tenderness or gentleness, just a good hard thumping with porn style dirty talk. While I don't mind this now and again, it would help if I could get turned on before we started (my H's idea of foreplay is to start manhandling my crotch area very vigorously). We tend to have sex in uncomfortable positions that are obviously designed to let a camera get in there! Most of the time if I'm on my back, he likes to stretch my legs up alongside my shoulders (with knees straight which is a bit of a killer) and pound away. He's also very LD and it seems that this type of sex is the only way he gets turned on, but it does very little for me at all. I long for a more sophisticated sex life that would involve different types and moods for sex, rather than this pounding every time. We haven't had sex for nearly 6 weeks now and I'm reaching the desperate stage again. But I've decided that the next time he wants sex, I really can't be bothered. It's bad enough that he's so LD, but the fact that when we do have sex it's crap has now left me uninterested in having sex with him. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely desperate for sex, but I want it to be good when I get it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I thought there was something the equivalent of sex addicts anonymous groups which deal with sex and porn addiction.

Isn't this the best way to deal with this issue.

You almost never can break any addiction by yourself.

you need to save your marriage friend. Get on the phone now and call your nearest group.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If <insert anything> effects YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP, you need to change your behavior and fix it.

Simple as that. 

Porn...alcohol......food.....weed.......friends.....family......ALL can effect your relationship.....

.....if YOU let it.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> I thought there was something the equivalent of sex addicts anonymous groups which deal with sex and porn addiction.
> 
> Isn't this the best way to deal with this issue.
> 
> ...


I'm really not much on groups like that. Didn't help me at all. What did help was having someone who I had to be accountable to, and who had been thought it helping me. Even then it was hard. And I had many failures along the way. I'll help him if he wants help. 

This forum is really the wrong place to find help for s porn addiction thought. Too many people here are blind to the dangers it can pose to a marriage

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

doobie said:


> While I have nothing against porn and have watched it with partners from time to time, I do feel that the fact that my husband has learned what he knows about sex from porn. On the odd occasions that we do have sex, it is very porn style. There is no emotion involved, never any tenderness or gentleness, just a good hard thumping with porn style dirty talk. While I don't mind this now and again, it would help if I could get turned on before we started (my H's idea of foreplay is to start manhandling my crotch area very vigorously). We tend to have sex in uncomfortable positions that are obviously designed to let a camera get in there! Most of the time if I'm on my back, he likes to stretch my legs up alongside my shoulders (with knees straight which is a bit of a killer) and pound away. He's also very LD and it seems that this type of sex is the only way he gets turned on, but it does very little for me at all. I long for a more sophisticated sex life that would involve different types and moods for sex, rather than this pounding every time. We haven't had sex for nearly 6 weeks now and I'm reaching the desperate stage again. But I've decided that the next time he wants sex, I really can't be bothered. It's bad enough that he's so LD, but the fact that when we do have sex it's crap has now left me uninterested in having sex with him. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely desperate for sex, but I want it to be good when I get it.


Does your husband know all of this, I suggest you communicate. This should be a pretty big deal to him and he should work on it!!!


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

Home | Fight The New Drug or Get Help | Fight The New Drug


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I do think porn can become an addiction and when it gets to that level, it can be a death knell to a marriage just as alcoholism or other addictions. My spouse also had issues with porn a few years ago when he was going through a personal health crisis. Things got pretty bad and his overuse of it along with other poor choices nearly destroyed us. 

There is help out there such as sex and love addicts anonymous, sex addicts anonymous, and porn addicts anonymous. I would start looking up meetings in your area. It is probably intimidating to seek help but at least if you go to the meetings, you will be surrounded by people who have been there/understand. Unless someone has gone through it themselves, they may not know how to help you. I strongly suggest you take Ray up on his offer to PM as he has been there himself. 

There are also online support groups for porn/masturbation addicition. This one seems quite active. You may find that place more suited for your needs but by all means you are of course welcome to post here. Your brain on porn also has a list of other support forums that may be of interest to you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Ray (not even a "good evening")


That's Richard.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That's Richard.



ooops


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

If you can get an erection with porn, but not with your wife, it seems like you don't need Viagra or Cialis. But, I'm not a doctor, am I?


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That's Richard.


Who's richard??

I'm Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> Who's richard??
> 
> I'm Ray
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Richard is the guy who starts his posts with "good evening" or "good morning" or "good afternoon" depending on the time of day where he lives.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Get rid of the smartphone, have wife put a pass code on all computers and you do not get access. Give the wife all your account passwords, access to all credit card statements, bank statements ( she will know where the money is being spent). Good first step. Start seeing a shrink would be the next step.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

richie33 said:


> Get rid of the smartphone, have wife put a pass code on all computers and you do not get access. Give the wife all your account passwords, access to all credit card statements, bank statements ( she will know where the money is being spent). Good first step. Start seeing a shrink would be the next step.


For the most part I would agree with all these depending on how deep in he is. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

Hello again everybody! 
I want to first off address a few things that were mentioned throughout this thread. 
1. If there is something wrong with my thread, don't laugh at me or make fun of me for it, tell me what specifically you have a problem with. I am new to online forums, I am sure you were new at one time too. It took a lot of courage for me to reach out and share this part of my life. 
2. I am not perfect but, I am a Country Christian guy who looks at this with a very specific set of morals and values, we won't get into that unless you really wanna open that can of worms (if you do it could get messy... LoL... In a nice way). I believe that porn is wrong. Not everyone does, I'm not on here to change people but rather make friends, get support and advice, and talk about anything from common to very difficult things in marriage. 
3. Y'all seem to think my marriage is in trouble, no it's actually fine. I have a very loving, and understanding wife who has helped me through a lot. We are both Christian and believe alot of the same things. One of which is that Divorce is not and never will be an option. Call us "Old School" but we believe in our grandparents ways, if it's broke you fix it, you don't throw it away or give up on it. I've learned some very valuable lessons in the past couple years about love and marriage that I'll be glad to share with anyone if they're willing to understand that it is coming from a Christian point of view and listen. My marriage is just fine except it lacks intimacy in some areas. She knows I'm working on it. 
I just want to thank everyone for all your posts and opinions but at least now you know where I stand and that I didn't disappear. I wasn't getting notifications that I had had replies on here. Sorry for any misunderstanding on my first post. Please try to clarify what it is that I should've or should not have done with it. 

Hopefully everyone will have a good morning, day or even night depending on where y'all are. 

Sincerely, 
themaniwanttobe


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

themaniwanttobe said:


> Hello again everybody!
> I want to first off address a few things that were mentioned throughout this thread.
> 1. If there is something wrong with my thread, don't laugh at me or make fun of me for it, tell me what specifically you have a problem with. I am new to online forums, I am sure you were new at one time too. It took a lot of courage for me to reach out and share this part of my life.
> 2. I am not perfect but, I am a Country Christian guy who looks at this with a very specific set of morals and values, we won't get into that unless you really wanna open that can of worms (if you do it could get messy... LoL... In a nice way). I believe that porn is wrong. Not everyone does, I'm not on here to change people but rather make friends, get support and advice, and talk about anything from common to very difficult things in marriage.
> ...


I have been in your shoes and I wish you the best. I am also concerned that you will not find the kind of help you seek here.

If you want to find a good site which is devoted to helping porn addicts then you should check out www.candeocan.com.

There are other sites geared toward this addiction. I can't think of them right now.

This forum has a lot of opinions about this subject and wants to debate the subject. Not a bad thing but what you need is a forum that agrees you have an addiction and that wants to help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

themaniwanttobe said:


> 3. Y'all seem to think my marriage is in trouble, no it's actually fine.


If people seem to think your marriage is in trouble, it is probably because:

First, your thread title: Porn the Parasitic Marriage/Sex Life Killer. You included the marriage killing part yourself. Killing sounds troublesome to me. Secondly, your first post included self-reported facts by you such as:


You are only 26 and already in your second marriage.
Your first marriage ended in part because you were addicted to porn and have been for a long time.
You are still addicted to porn. When using, you aren’t very attracted to your wife. Your attraction comes back when you abstain for a week or two. However this sounds rare because you yourself said your marriage is basically sexless. 
The reason why your brand-new marriage is basically sexless is because of your porn use.
You opt to use porn instead of making love with your wife either because of the addiction, and ED problems that are either a result of porn use or blood pressure or both.

Perhaps your marriage isn’t in any trouble but this doesn’t sound like everything is fine. Saying that all things are fine sounds like minimization. If you don't think intimacy issues in marriage are troubling, I would have to disagree. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is part of what makes a good marriage. Dysfunction in that area tends to leak out in other areas.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Personally I believe porn is simply a remedy for other problems.

What ever the reason, you need to determine why you favor porn over your wife and then take steps to change that. 

My guess is that you two have not thoroughly explored the problem and may be making assumptions. 

So say you have a worse case scenario of erectile dysfunction which can not be cured. (obviously it still works well enough to masturbate) 

In that case you two would need to except the quality of your erection is beyond your control and is not a reflection of your desire.

If you are able to achieve full erection from masturbation (porn) than it is most likely a mental problem like performance anxiety.

You have not provided enough detailed information to allow anyone to really make any sort of good guess.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

themaniwanttobe said:


> Hello again everybody!
> I want to first off address a few things that were mentioned throughout this thread.
> 1. If there is something wrong with my thread, don't laugh at me or make fun of me for it, tell me what specifically you have a problem with. I am new to online forums, I am sure you were new at one time too. It took a lot of courage for me to reach out and share this part of my life.
> 2. I am not perfect but, I am a Country Christian guy who looks at this with a very specific set of morals and values, we won't get into that unless you really wanna open that can of worms (if you do it could get messy... LoL... In a nice way). I believe that porn is wrong. Not everyone does, I'm not on here to change people but rather make friends, get support and advice, and talk about anything from common to very difficult things in marriage.
> ...


Does she know you are a porn addict? That you turn to porn and not her? I cannot image your wife coming here and saying the marriage is fine knowing that information.


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

About 20% of erectile dysfunction is from psychological reasons. A sex therapist could help. Here is a web site with some information: Erectile Dysfunction Psychological Causes: Stress, Depression, and More

Guys are visual, and with pornography produced for men, there is nothing on an emotional connection with the woman. I think a guy can actually form an attachment to the visual image, preferring the image to his wife because he does not have to put in the effort of relating to his wife. Another thing about this kind of pornography is that it is very difficult to find a video where the woman is turned on, where it shows her labia red and swollen and I have never seen it where the woman has an orgasm and what is it about giving a woman a facial with his semen? It’s not like caring about the woman. There is female oriented pornography to view. Now if a husband and wife watch this kind pornography together, get turned on, and then pleasure each other, in this situation pornography can help a relationship. I am not a sex therapist, but maybe female oriented pornography can be substituted for the male kind with no harm no fault. Here is some information on that: 

Candida Royalle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"In 1984, Royalle founded Femme Productions, with the goal of making erotica based on female desire, as well as pornographic films aimed at helping couple therapy. Her productions are aimed more to women and couples than to the standard pornographic audience of men, and have been praised by counselors and therapists for depicting healthy and realistic sexual activity."

A Smart & Sexy Erotic Destination For Women, By Women
"A smart and sexy erotic destination for women, by women."


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I don't get it. It's your second marriage and you both believe in your grandparents ways, divorce is not an option? How many grandparents did you have? 

I guess that's a good motto to have, but unlike your grandparents, it doesn't mean much when you've already divorced once. Trouble comes, both adults jump ship when they just don't get along, aren't getting enough intimacy (look for it elsewhere, whether it be porn or another person), and don't find each other attractive. Of course there are 100's of other reasons, but I just listed 3 of yours above.

If porn is affecting your marriage and ruined your first, then stop watching porn. Do you want techniques to help stop your porn addiction? 

I really just don't get the OPs question I guess. He knows the problem, he knows he needs to stop, so other than agree with him, that's pretty much all the advice I can give. Yes, if its ruining your marriage, stop. However, porn is not a marriage killer. It's your marriages killer.


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

doobie said:


> While I have nothing against porn and have watched it with partners from time to time, I do feel that the fact that my husband has learned what he knows about sex from porn. On the odd occasions that we do have sex, it is very porn style. There is no emotion involved, never any tenderness or gentleness, just a good hard thumping with porn style dirty talk. While I don't mind this now and again, it would help if I could get turned on before we started (my H's idea of foreplay is to start manhandling my crotch area very vigorously). We tend to have sex in uncomfortable positions that are obviously designed to let a camera get in there! Most of the time if I'm on my back, he likes to stretch my legs up alongside my shoulders (with knees straight which is a bit of a killer) and pound away. He's also very LD and it seems that this type of sex is the only way he gets turned on, but it does very little for me at all. I long for a more sophisticated sex life that would involve different types and moods for sex, rather than this pounding every time. We haven't had sex for nearly 6 weeks now and I'm reaching the desperate stage again. But I've decided that the next time he wants sex, I really can't be bothered. It's bad enough that he's so LD, but the fact that when we do have sex it's crap has now left me uninterested in having sex with him. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely desperate for sex, but I want it to be good when I get it.


I completely understand you're point of view and you disliking porn because of how it has turned into your sex life. I on the other hand do not believe porn is a good thing at all. It is very destructive and I have seen the devastation that I can leave behind. I really hope that you two can come to some sort of middle ground but I don't believe and hopefully you don't either that porn would be a solution of any kind.


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

DoF said:


> If <insert anything> effects YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP, you need to change your behavior and fix it.
> 
> Simple as that.
> 
> ...


It's a lot easier said than done. Have you tried to break an addiction that spans all the way back to your adolescent years?


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

Miss Taken said:


> I do think porn can become an addiction and when it gets to that level, it can be a death knell to a marriage just as alcoholism or other addictions. My spouse also had issues with porn a few years ago when he was going through a personal health crisis. Things got pretty bad and his overuse of it along with other poor choices nearly destroyed us.
> 
> There is help out there such as sex and love addicts anonymous, sex addicts anonymous, and porn addicts anonymous. I would start looking up meetings in your area. It is probably intimidating to seek help but at least if you go to the meetings, you will be surrounded by people who have been there/understand. Unless someone has gone through it themselves, they may not know how to help you. I strongly suggest you take Ray up on his offer to PM as he has been there himself.
> 
> There are also online support groups for porn/masturbation addicition. This one seems quite active. You may find that place more suited for your needs but by all means you are of course welcome to post here. Your brain on porn also has a list of other support forums that may be of interest to you.


Thank you so much for your two cents on this. I really appreciate it. I got on here figuring I might find someone like Ray. I am really lucky to have found him and have taken him up on his offer which was much more than I would have thought. Thanks for your help.


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Does she know you are a porn addict? That you turn to porn and not her? I cannot image your wife coming here and saying the marriage is fine knowing that information.


She knows all about it and knows that I wanna quit. She is rooting for me and told me she would help me in anyway that she could.


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

Westwind said:


> About 20% of erectile dysfunction is from psychological reasons. A sex therapist could help. Here is a web site with some information: Erectile Dysfunction Psychological Causes: Stress, Depression, and More
> 
> Guys are visual, and with pornography produced for men, there is nothing on an emotional connection with the woman. I think a guy can actually form an attachment to the visual image, preferring the image to his wife because he does not have to put in the effort of relating to his wife. Another thing about this kind of pornography is that it is very difficult to find a video where the woman is turned on, where it shows her labia red and swollen and I have never seen it where the woman has an orgasm and what is it about giving a woman a facial with his semen? It’s not like caring about the woman. There is female oriented pornography to view. Now if a husband and wife watch this kind pornography together, get turned on, and then pleasure each other, in this situation pornography can help a relationship. I am not a sex therapist, but maybe female oriented pornography can be substituted for the male kind with no harm no fault. Here is some information on that:
> 
> ...


I must say that I disagree with your view on pornography because if a husband and a wife watch it together to GET TURNED ON, they are substituting themselves being aroused by each other for them getting aroused by images or videos that they keep in their minds and take to their beds to have sex while they are turned on by those images or videos (NOT EACH OTHER) for a release...that is SEX, That is not making love. I realize I have an addiction and am taking appropriate measure to resolve the situation so I can be sexually aroused by my wife and not some image or video that sticks in my head.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

themaniwanttobe said:


> She knows all about it and knows that I wanna quit. She is rooting for me and told me she would help me in anyway that she could.


First of all. Welcome. It is good that your wife knows and is backing you up. That will be really helpful in making a change in your life.

As I posted before, I have been in your shoes. It took me a lot longer to realize I had a problem, but then my performance was never an issue. I was raised in the age when Playboy was the only available erotica, and even then I had to go to great lengths to secure one, and when I did I hung on to it for months. 

Nowadays one can find anything they want at the click of a button, and any amount of variety they need. It is this, the variety, which is really causing the problem. The internet age is causing many young men to have skewed views of sex, and resulting in performance issues.

Now, let me blunt with you... you want to be a different man. You want to be a new man.

I appreciate that you have had an epiphany in your life and that you want to sieze on it and help the world.

I also felt the same way as you. BUT.... you are unprepared...

You are going to find a lot of challenges trying to help others when you have yet to have any significant success yourself. As a Christian it is very easy to feel self righteous ( I know ) and to approach this subject from that viewpoint. It will also be very easy to see everything in black and white, and not see the gray areas which will come at you from all angles.

I wish you all the success that you want. I just want to caution you that you will find a lot of opposition if you don't first get focused help with your addiction. What you need is camaraderie. What you need is understanding. What you need is the counsel of others who have been through this and have achieved a certain level of success in their lives.

I recommended The Brain Science Behind Addiction | Candeo Behavior Change before. I found what I needed at that site. I found a focused, concerned and most significantly for me anonymous site that I could go to everyday and learn from. There were men and women who were struggling with the same thing that I was. There were men and women who wanted to make changes in their lives.

No one there challenged me by arguing with me whether I had a problem or not. They knew my struggles. They had good advice for me. They listened and responded when I shared my story and when I had good insights for them.

Talkaboutmarriage is a great forum. I appreciate the different points of view and have crossed swords with a few who have different opinions than mine, and I have also found agreement with many others.

But it is not the forum that you need to take the steps that you need to take to have victory over this addiction. I think it would be good to come back here and to share what you are learning elsewhere. I would certainly like to read about your victories and your struggles.

Anyways, I certainly wish you the best. Just as there is a lot more porn available now there are also a lot more resoures available to help those who are struggling with this addiction.

I hope that you will avail yourself of these resources, and then I hope to read more about your story as you learn and progress through the stages of achieving victory in this area of your life.

You can certainly PM me if you want to. I would be glad to hear from you.

sparkyjim


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

I credit porn with actually saving my marriage. When the marriage went sexless 20 years ago and therapy couldn't help I wanted to stay on for the kids. But I also had a highs ex drive. I didn't want another relationship but I did want sex. But my wife is the type who would throw me out if she caught me fooling around with another women, even if it was paid sex. Porn kept me from having to venture out of the house looking for someone who would agree to have sex. Perhaps it isn't as good as the real thing but it keeps the need to seek sex at bay. There are probably thousands if not millions of married men in the same boat and I think in many cases porn prevents divorce instead of causing it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OP, Check out subreddit r/nofap for more resources.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Mr. B you have already admitted to cheating. it's also really important that you share the rest of your story and that the problem is that you can't have sex with your wife because you don't get aroused and not that porn saved anything. 

you do a really big disservice to other people by twisting your story to support porn.

what save your marriage is that your wife isn't willing to give up whatever else she gets from you in order to have a real sex life. 

Porn hasn't prevented you from cheating although you don't do it now. And it certainly hasn't helped you resolve your problem. 

so a dysfunctional use of porn to support an overall dysfunctional sexual ability doesn't seem like a really stellar marketing campaign for pornography.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

clipclop2 said:


> Mr. B you have already admitted to cheating. it's also really important that you share the rest of your story and that the problem is that you can't have sex with your wife because you don't get aroused and not that porn saved anything.
> 
> you do a really big disservice to other people by twisting your story to support porn.
> 
> ...


I strayed 6 times in the last 26 years all in the early 90's. The need to seek sex outside the home stopped with the advent of internet porn in late 1993/94 and there has been no skin to skin sex since then. I still stand by what I said no matter what you with your so-called religious right morality believes.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I'm not religious right. But I take strong objection to you making claims that are not true and especially not providing full disclosure that you are the one who can't give her sex.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

themaniwanttobe said:


> I must say that I disagree with your view on pornography because if a husband and a wife watch it together to GET TURNED ON, they are substituting themselves being aroused by each other for them getting aroused by images or videos that they keep in their minds and take to their beds to have sex while they are turned on by those images or videos (NOT EACH OTHER) for a release...that is SEX, That is not making love. I realize I have an addiction and am taking appropriate measure to resolve the situation so I can be sexually aroused by my wife and not some image or video that sticks in my head.


I do not really understand you or the responses which you have given. You are the one with the porn problem and not anyone else here. (unless they specifically said so) 

Before you worry about whether anyone else is "right or wrong" you need to worry about yourself. 


Porn is here to stay just like alcohol. If you can not moderate yourself you need to stay away from it.


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

Well, from what I have been reading online about sex addiction, if you find yourself attracted sexually in some inappropriate situation, you are going to have to say "no Sex" in your mind, and say it many times with your wife making sure you stay honest and open to her. If you have a relapse, just stop and get reoriented and start again. Some treatment programs recommend no sex at all, at least that is what some are saying about the 12 Step Program because with alcohol you have to never go there. Some marriage counselors may recommend a year's celibacy. Not sure what to think of celibacy. I have been so for 8 years because of my wife's medical problem of fragile mucus membranes. I have found myself having to say no sex when an inappropriate situations presents its self. Celibacy does offer instant relief if we find ourselves being critical of each other, but we may as well be brother and sister for the emotional sharing that we have.


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## themaniwanttobe (Oct 8, 2014)

Okay People, 
After many responses I get it... This is a secular (non Christian) forum and I knew that this would be a controversial topic when I opened the thread but I figured I would have more of an understanding with people. The title of my post wasn't persay about me but rather my Christian outlook, morals and beliefs. But I must say that I'm shocked at the overwhelming support of pornography on a "Marriage" forum. It just reinforces my thoughts that the world is getting more and more morally blind and corrupted with secular views. That's ok, I know who wins in the end. I will fix my problems, and be stronger than ever for it. If you all want to talk among yourselves in this thread that is fine but I'm out. I'm tired of the pessimistic secular views. I have had a few people who have replied in support and thank you for that, I will keep in touch with you on my journey. Take care everyone, but I am done with this thread.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Good luck on your journey.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I'm just reading this for.the first time and didn't see hardly anyone saying porn was ok. We have one woman saying how porn has led to her unhappy sexual situation, several men who have experience with this offering their advice. Two posters who suggested porn wasn't ALL bad. Odd that nobody was saying hey, OP, go ahead and stay addicted to porn because that is totally ok. And yet the OPs final list seems to suggest this. I must have read a different thread. 

I have recovered from an eating disorder. I was hospitalized for 6 weeks with a unit of women who also had eating disorders. There were those there voluntarily. I fell into that category. There were others there involuntarily. There were those who stayed up all night exercising, found places to hide food, tried to sabatoge their recovery. 

When it comes to overcoming an addiction one needs to commit, needs to want to get better, needs to unattached oneself from those who want to continue their addictions, avoid common triggers and so forth. 

You will have zero luck hoping everyone is going to say porn is awful. Some use porn and some do not.  If someone attempts to weaken your resolve you will need to distance yourself from that person. 

Best of luck with your recovery.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I'm just reading this for.the first time and didn't see hardly anyone saying porn was ok. We have one woman saying how porn has led to her unhappy sexual situation, several men who have experience with this offering their advice. Two posters who suggested porn wasn't ALL bad. Odd that nobody was saying hey, OP, go ahead and stay addicted to porn because that is totally ok. And yet the OPs final list seems to suggest this. I must have read a different thread.
> 
> I have recovered from an eating disorder. I was hospitalized for 6 weeks with a unit of women who also had eating disorders. There were those there voluntarily. I fell into that category. There were others there involuntarily. There were those who stayed up all night exercising, found places to hide food, tried to sabatoge their recovery.
> 
> ...


Your right. There was no post that said that porn was fine and he should continue using it at all. But there were many saying it was execeptable and they don't think its a problem. From my own personal experience I tend to believe that that they are dead wrong. But to each his own. I really think the OP was hoping to find people here that agreed with his no tolerance view on porn. I told him that he won't find that here. 

As an update, I offered to help the OP work through his addiction, and he has excepted my offer. I belive better times are ahead for him. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

The reason you ran into opposition is that you start off saying that you are addicted to porn but then all you want to do is preach to others about how porn is wrong. -that is for every individual to decide for themselves.

This forum is here for people to discuss their issues not evangelize their take on morality. God is the only judge -certainly it is not your place.


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## MarriedManInHis40s (Mar 28, 2013)

Rayloveshiswife said:


> I really think the OP was hoping to find people here that agreed with his no tolerance view on porn.


Frankly, the OP seems to have an absurdly large chip on his shoulder regarding "secularism" in society (not to mention a few misconceptions), and his desire for advice and assistance seemed to be a lot less important to him than his need to give us a sermon.


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