# Masterbating



## Bilbo115265 (Apr 24, 2018)

Hi very new here
I know a lot of you think it's ok to masterbate when your married
My sex life not the best so I want to masterbate how offen should I and when


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

The way I see it, there is nothing wrong with masturbating but it should not take the place of intimacy with your spouse. If you are turning your spouse down because you'd rather masturbate, then there is a problem.


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## Bilbo115265 (Apr 24, 2018)

bobert said:


> The way I see it, there is nothing wrong with masturbating but it should not take the place of intimacy with your spouse. If you are turning your spouse down because you'd rather masturbate, then there is a problem.


No I don't it's that sex with her is always the same she has trouble with her wrist and can't give me hand jobs, don't like to give bj intercorse is always the same on her side


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## Golden Age (May 17, 2020)

Masturbation's fine, especially when you're in a healthy relationship. But you say, "My sex life is not the best," so it's not really masturbation that is your problem. You need to sort out the other issues that are going on.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Bilbo115265 said:


> No I don't it's that sex with her is always the same she has trouble with her wrist and can't give me hand jobs, don't like to give bj intercorse is always the same on her side


To me that sounds like you want to masturbate rather than have sex, at least sometimes, because you'd rather have your hand than her. That's a problem. Have you told her that you'd like to change/spice things up?


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## Bilbo115265 (Apr 24, 2018)

No when we don't have sex 4 2-3 mouth I want to masterbate


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Bilbo115265 said:


> No when we don't have sex 4 2-3 mouth I want to masterbate


If you are going months without sex (and even if you're not) then there is nothing wrong with masturbating but it's not going to solve the underlying problem. 

Does your wife have issues with you masturbating? Why are you so concerned about how often you should be having solo time?


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## Bilbo115265 (Apr 24, 2018)

bobert said:


> If you are going months without sex (and even if you're not) then there is nothing wrong with masturbating but it's not going to solve the underlying problem.
> 
> Does your wife have issues with you masturbating? Why are you so concerned about how often you should be having solo time?


No as long as it don't interfere with us I like to have her start and are watch


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I wouldn’t at all and don’t myself. I think self control and a little pent up sexual frustration is a healthy thing to have as a man. It keeps you hungry and alert... I think you can channel your power into something good (hobbies, fitness, charitable works) versus just privately indulging your bodily passions. It also encourages a man to continually woo his wife. Maybe she isn’t up for lovemaking today- but you can start preparing now to set it up for tomorrow!

I don’t think our creator intended for men to masturbate... and porn clearly came from the devil to destroy marriage and families.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

What is your deal?

You posted back in 2018:

*



How important is it anyway.....

Click to expand...

*


> I masterbate a lot my wife knows it


Why on earth are you asking strangers "how much" you should masturbate, when you've clearly been giving it a good go since 2018?

I'm trying to understand what the point of this post is.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What is your deal?
> 
> You posted back in 2018:
> 
> ...


Ditto.

At post two it seemed a bit non standard of a post. Like someone's prank calling.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

CatholicDad said:


> I don’t think our creator intended for men to masturbate... and porn clearly came from the devil to destroy marriage and families.


Then he should have worked a little harder at putting the naughty bits out of reach. It's a little like saying "that nose I put right smack in the middle of your face? Yeah, that's not for smelling."


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I don't think there is a set rule for how often or when...there is absolutely thing at all wrong with doing so and anyone who says other wise are full of crap...in fact there are even numerous articles that actually point to the fact it will keep you alive longer. honestly when i have a hard time falling a sleep it is a sure cure to help me sleep...like a baby. 
if my wife is not interested i am up front and honest that i will take matters into my own hands (pun intended) and while she get upset at times, she knows the alternative and knows that i have a very high sex drive. in the end its up to you how often you do it, of course the longer you hold out the more intense it is. So i am master of my domain only when i want to be, otherwise i am slave to my urge...lol


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Cletus said:


> Then he should have worked a little harder at putting the naughty bits out of reach. It's a little like saying "that nose I put right smack in the middle of your face? Yeah, that's not for smelling."


Poor argument.. the “bits” aren’t naughty but rather beautiful, life giving organs that should be put to greater use than guys stroking their own in private (especially when married)! God also gave Bilbo a wife within reach but it sounds like she’s unhappy- perhaps because he isn’t spending enough time in reality.


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## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

This some odd trolling or someone with an online fetish.


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## waynejoey (Jun 8, 2018)

I'd recommend to stop masturbating. Here is why:

The pressure you think you are relieving will cause you to indirectly communicate a lower level of needs to your wife. So let's say you want sex 3x a week and you're getting it once. So you masturbate the other 2 times. Years go by and your wife thinks, gee he must be pretty happy. Stop masturbating altogether and your wife will begin to feel all of your manly desire fixated on her and she will have to react to it. I would imagine she would enjoy it.


Typically masturbating is combined with fantasy. Fantasizing about other women or representations of your wife that are not reality will ultimately skew your thinking on the whole matter, making you disappointed with the manufactured expectation that you just created.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

CatholicDad said:


> Poor argument.. the “bits” aren’t naughty but rather beautiful, life giving organs that should be put to greater use than guys stroking their own in private (especially when married)! God also gave Bilbo a wife within reach but it sounds like she’s unhappy- perhaps because he isn’t spending enough time in reality.


You should really stop answering tongue-in-cheek posts as if they were real arguments. The rest of us aren't consumed by the burning desire to not touch ourselves that seems to rule your existence.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

CatholicDad said:


> I wouldn’t at all and don’t myself. I think self control and a little pent up sexual frustration is a healthy thing to have as a man. It keeps you hungry and alert... I think you can channel your power into something good (hobbies, fitness, charitable works) versus just privately indulging your bodily passions. It also encourages a man to continually woo his wife. Maybe she isn’t up for lovemaking today- but you can start preparing now to set it up for tomorrow!
> 
> I don’t think our creator intended for men to masturbate... and porn clearly came from the devil to destroy marriage and families.


I don't disagree that wooing your wife is important. But you're missing the part where sex is super-infrequent. He also basically says she just lays there: no oral, no manual stimulation, just lays on her side if I recall correctly.

The OP can't expect wild "hanging from the ceiling sex" but it's very reasonable to expect an engaged partner and a relationship where the default is to have sex rather than not have it. I've been in a relationship where I've been starfished and it's terrible - I'll never do it again. I recommend to guys that if she's not willing to fix the issue then it's time to move on if a good sex life is important.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

CatholicDad said:


> I wouldn’t at all and don’t myself. I think self control and a little pent up sexual frustration is a healthy thing to have as a man. It keeps you hungry and alert... I think you can channel your power into something good (hobbies, fitness, charitable works) versus just privately indulging your bodily passions. It also encourages a man to continually woo his wife. Maybe she isn’t up for lovemaking today- but you can start preparing now to set it up for tomorrow!
> 
> I don’t think our creator intended for men to masturbate... and porn clearly came from the devil to destroy marriage and families.


Another thing to remember is that this is not some blip on the radar of a situation where the sex is there but maybe not quite at the frequency or manner in which he prefers. He's talking about meeting his own needs when she hasn't allowed intercourse for two or three months.

There are two problems, right off the top of my head, with the OP continuing to woo and serve his wife. One, it serves as an implicit validation of her treatment of him. It could cause her to think "I must be doing something right because he's still treating me well. Yeah he complains but deep down he knows he can't do better or he'd not be treating me this way". And then when he finally gets fed up enough to act decisively, her attitude will be "it was good enough all this time - why are you being a jerk and demanding change now?"

The second problem is if his wife does not like sex but wants the validation of being wanted / found attractive. If the OP just pours on the attention, his wife is getting her needs met / "love tank" filled and goes on about her day. Her emotional needs are met and thus she has no incentive to meet his. The solution to this is to pull back and let her feel what it's like to not have those needs met, some insecurity, and so on.

In behavioral terms, the OP needs to add some negative reinforcement to the mix here. As much as he should treat her well when his needs are being met, he needs to pull that back when she's not doing her part. He needs to establish a linkage between the two, rather than just pouring it on and hoping he'll change (when it's clear she will not).


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## Where there's a will (Feb 10, 2014)

Bilbo115265 said:


> Hi very new here
> I know a lot of you think it's ok to masterbate when your married
> My sex life not the best so I want to masterbate how offen should I and when


As often as it needs to be. Cleary your partner does not need the sex element in her life and is not caring enough to be bothered to take an interest in your needs. Women can ramp this up when they need to but will equally switch the whole thing off if they are allowed to. This switching off process happens without the partner notieing very often. If you have a good woman she should respond well to this being pointed out.


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## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

Marriednatlanta said:


> This some odd trolling or someone with an online fetish.


100% online fetish.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Masturbate as often as you want as long as it doesn't replace couples sex with your spouse.

Hopefully, your spouse masturbates too.


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## Bilbo115265 (Apr 24, 2018)

ah_sorandy said:


> Masturbate as often as you want as long as it doesn't replace couples sex with your spouse.
> 
> Hopefully, your spouse masturbates too.


No she says she don't


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## Captainswan86 (Jun 23, 2020)

Don’t do what my husband did and replace your sex life with it. Now mind you we had a amazing sex like then one day it was gone I was puzzled it became a huge and still is a problem dude legit masterbate 4 hours straight that when it comes to sex his member can’t get hard or stay hard it’s ruined the one good thing I think we had going for us so hey once a week twice it’s normal don’t go crazy on doing it too much it will cause bigger issues


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Bilbo115265 said:


> No she says she don't


Well, women that do masturbate, often say that women that say they don't, are liars!

I'm not sure who to believe?

My wife says she doesn't, and even if she did, no one, including me, would know about it.

I sympathize with all men and women dealing with low libido spouses!

Again, both spouses should be free to masturbate, however, that should not replace couples sex.


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