# When?



## vn1955 (Jun 30, 2014)

When do you begin to feel like yourself again? It's been six months since D-Day and my separation and I still have a hard time each morning. Mostly because I wake up at night thinking of what he did and leaving us. It's 11 am Sunday morning and I just can't seem to get out of bed. The kids are in the living room watching TV and my nephews are over due to a sleepover. My kiddoes are actually happy that mommy is sleeping in and they feel independent making coffee and serving themselves cereal. But when they're not looking, I cry. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Once I'm up I have energy to push through the day, but it's a cycle each and every day. Friends and family don't seem to understand and feel like I need to move on. It's so hard! I gotta find the energy to go to the grocery store today- even that is a task in itself. Is this normal? Am I depressed?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

If you can get there, I don't think counseling can hurt. Yes, it reads like you are depressed. Sometimes all it takes to get through it is some talking and a different outlook. Sometimes it takes a little medication for a few months or so. I think, after six months, some will feel that way. 

After a little more than three years, I still feel that way. It's an improvement for me from what I used to feel. I think you need to make sure you are healthy, for your children's sake.

ETA: I had it rough, really rough. Some say after about two years they really feel better. Some are better after six months and some are changed forever. It's been way too long for me, just to be clear.


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## NewLife2017 (Aug 16, 2014)

I don't know what you're going through but I do know depression. And it sounds like you are. I agree with 2ntnuf, get IC and take meds until you're better. I told my therapist is was so easy to NOT get up, and asked how do I? She said to say "I don't want to get up" outloud and then get up to prove I could. Take care of yourself for you & your kids. There is no time limit, but it will get better. The best revenge is living well and being happy. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Give yourself some credit too. You had a sleepover last night with more kids. Good for you!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

1yr after.... its OK...but the 2nd yr was quite noticeable for me.

Hell after 6 mths I was still talking to my self, but the drooling stopped

So it does get better.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For what its worth...repling to all your threads this morning is a lot better then watching my Bears get their @sses kicked!


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## bluerunner (Mar 22, 2013)

It's been 1yr since second D-day and it will be 1yr in October since he moved out and I am now starting to feel like my old self again. I still have bad days but they are few and far between compared to a year ago. I know it feels like it will never get better, but it will. Six months is still a little soon. Just so you know you are not alone, I used to cry in the shower and on my way to and from work. Sometimes I would hurry out of work just so I could have a good cry in the car before I picked my daughter up from after school care. Hang in there


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I used to cry in the shed.

But as we all know.....NEVER EVER LET THEM SEE YOU CRY!!!!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

It comes in waives, and they are different for almost everyone.
My first couple of weeks were sheer heaven. No more yelling, no more lies, no more walking on eggshells. Then things get a bit worse and you have to force yourself to take a shower, and force yourself out of the house. Then, it gets better again. You adjust. Go see a IC and try, very, very hard not to beat yourself up.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

After 4 months, I started to find myself. I was my old self about 9 months after. You are in the early stages.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

I am 18 months and sometimes I get glimpse of the real me. I am for the most part very happy. I enjoy being single. Now, that the weather is turning chilly I feel mixed emotions: burst of happiness along with burst of sadness.

Just do not bottle up your emotions. Give rein to all the human spectrum of emotions. 
I made the mistake of masquerading my emotions, thinking I was fine, but I am not there yet 


It does get better. Each day gets better. 

May God bless enrich your life more than you ever thought possible.


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## vn1955 (Jun 30, 2014)

bluerunner said:


> It's been 1yr since second D-day and it will be 1yr in October since he moved out and I am now starting to feel like my old self again. I still have bad days but they are few and far between compared to a year ago. I know it feels like it will never get better, but it will. Six months is still a little soon. Just so you know you are not alone, I used to cry in the shower and on my way to and from work. Sometimes I would hurry out of work just so I could have a good cry in the car before I picked my daughter up from after school care. Hang in there


I do the same thing- crying in the car and the shower. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I think it is unreasonable to begin to feel like "yourself" again.

IMHO, it is more reasonable to begin to feel better but "yourself" is gone.

Keep your eyes open for the new YOU. 

Hope you begin to feel better, be strong,
Stretch


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

I've changed because of this. The pain and betrayal I felt is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It was so unexpected. I don't think I'll be my old self again. I will, however, be a stronger version of me. I'm nearly there. It'll be a year this November. I've had a lot of support and have done a lot of reflecting. Its helped to have someone there to listen to me process it over and over as I need to... But it took about 9/10 months for me... I've been feeling pretty good lately and its bee for about a month... It doesn't bog me down anymore and its not constantly on my mind anymore. I'm trying to be more optimistic now-a-days.


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## vn1955 (Jun 30, 2014)

It's been a few weeks since I came to this site. I read my post from September and see how far I've come in just two months. It's now November and I don't cry as much. I mostly just miss my kids on the weekends when he has them. I feel so alone. All my girlfriends have husbands and kids. So what to do with your time...? 

It's helped me tremendously to go no contact with him. I blocked him from my cell phone, except on weekends when he has my kiddos. I feel sad only on days where we have spent several hours around each other because of kids sports and school events. 

Spent 4 hours in the library today typing our divorce agreement. Cant' believe the details for child custody. It's ridiculous that our kids have to go through this. Split between two parents. Figuring out holidays and the sort- so tedious. Makes me angry, but it's reality.


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## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

It's tough but what you are feeling is completely normal, don't be hard on yourself, feeling these emotions is normal and healthy. You're mourning a loss. It's important not to let it consume you, it will be up and down, waking up in the middle of the night anxious is normal, expect it and try and manage it. I suggest take some time to walk or do some excercise, regular excercise will increase your serotonin levels and that alone will improve the moods and despair you feel. You can't see it now, but it will improve, trust me. 

You're adjusting to your new reality, probably and reality you don't want. Lean on any close friends you have, do what ever you can to take the next step, don't think too far ahead it's not helpful. Eat plenty and get some sleep. Stay strong it will definitely improve, I promise.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

It's an unfortunate reality that couples wind up socialising with couples, for reasons obvious and subtle.

It may be that the only single people you know are at work, and you've spent years keeping them at a safe distance cuz you're in a relationship or you wouldn't date them anyway cuz of the potential ramifications of dating a colleague.

Net result,, you're a third wheel visiting couples or you're on your own.

Time for finding hobbies, social groups and the like. Gyms, sports clubs, evening classes. Larger cities may have movie, book or music 'clubs'.

If you're missing a social life, figure out your interests and go get one. For sure, it won't come to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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