# Is this right for a wife to do???



## iluvher (Jan 13, 2011)

My wife atates that this type of letter is ok and that nothing went on. I dont think there was anything physical but I need to know if this is at all right for a married woman to write?

1st email
thinking of you

Love,
I think of how rich we always are, I love you

2nd
Helo Love,
What are you doing,
Miss you

3rd
My Love,
I just finished my vacation bid.
love you

4th
Love,
I put the flight of the 18th in advance. Just pick what you like. Ivonne is the 20th also Arieal is the 14th going to Bogata.
Love uuuuuuuuuuu Kisses

She swears nothing is going on at all physical is going on and if that is true is it still ok to send email like this to another man???


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## iluvher (Jan 13, 2011)

Anyone any thought???


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

What the heck?!?

It doesn't really matter if it is "okay" by anybody else's standards. If it makes you uncomfortable than it is not okay. I am not sure of any monogamous man or woman who would be okay with that type of email.

Is she planning a vacation with this person? The emails make it look like she is.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Definitely NOT okay.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I guess it's okay if you don't mind that she has a boyfriend.

I wouldn't put up with it.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I love you guys! XOXO
With lots of love love love... Ok now? Tell me, do I look guilty behind my husband?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Of course it's not ok to send loving email to the other man.
But why she wouldn't send to you?

I'm sure she did, but you didn't care to response her with love you, miss you, kiss you... you know, all kinds of sissy stuffs that she likes to hear...

So she turned to other men for those fun stuffs.
I felt she's bored and boring. She really needs to beef up her writing skills. The OM would feel bored with her email pretty soon.

Her email showed she has emotional needs but as a husband, you're not fulfilling them. So the OM has been doing the husband's work for you.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Oh yeah, I forgot. After writing love letters to the OM for 3 years, I didn't give him a FK. 

So if she said she didn't get a FK, give her the benefit of the doubt.

As husbands you all are, make sure you're being your wive's personal playstation.

She likes this kind sissy games, that's where her emotional located, play with her, so she won't turn to Xbox.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

iluvher said:


> My wife atates that this type of letter is ok and that nothing went on. I dont think there was anything physical but I need to know if this is at all right for a married woman to write?
> 
> 1st email
> thinking of you
> ...


IMO It's only right for a married woman to write that stuff to her HUSBAND. 

If nothing physical is going on right now she's obviously thinking of changing that. She's making plans to go visit him? WTF?  :scratchhead:

MsLonely, what the HECK are you talking about? :scratchhead:


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

To husbands whose wives have EA:

I was being brutally honest. Talking about what's going on when EA happened.

You can focus on pointing your fingers on her and contiue to ignore her emotional needs. So she would go further astray.

It's enough you give her the attention she needs, allow her to write sissy email to you and you reply with lots of passion, she will stop writing to the OM.

It's not that easy for a married woman to turn EA to PA (Given my EA went for 3 years, I didn't turn my EA to PA) unless, she lost her hope getting her needs fulfilled by her husband and probably the husband enjoys doing his own stuffs and just doesn't give a damx about her complaints.

At the same time when you're mad about her behaviors, think about why she needs attention from the OM?

Why she wouldn't turn to you instead? Why did she fall out of love with you?

There's always a reason when things happened.

Please check this out: 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/21314-moment-i-wanted-turn-om.html


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> IMO It's only right for a married woman to write that stuff to her HUSBAND.
> 
> If nothing physical is going on right now she's obviously thinking of changing that. She's making plans to go visit him? WTF?  :scratchhead:
> 
> MsLonely, what the HECK are you talking about? :scratchhead:


Sorry if you don't get it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She wants to be romanced, and if that means vacations with another man, oh well-her happiness comes first, and to hell with what YOU think.


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## Ladybugs (Oct 12, 2010)

"is this right for a wife to do?"

NO,
no,
and...no


if i were married and my spouse wrote this, it wouldnt matter one iota if there was anything pysyical going on or not


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

F-102 said:


> She wants to be romanced, and if that means vacations with another man, oh well-her happiness comes first, and to hell with what YOU think.


Yeah you are right. She shouldn't have searched her happiness after married. If her husband takes care of her needs once in a long while, she should just have counted her blessings. She should not get married to be romanced because husband decides, if he's not happy to seek romance with her. She should keep quiet, forget about romance, go back to do the housekeepings, cooking and taking care of kids. Period. 
She should have just ignored her emotional needs because her happiness is the last thing to be considered.
It's her own fault if she feels unhappy and not romanced and enough loved. 
It's her fault because she's been so stupid choosing a husband who can't take care of her sexual needs. So she made her bed with him now she must lie on it without making a single complaint.
This how marriage should work. She should have thought about it before jumping into the jail.
Now she contacted the other man. She will be judged.
By principle, she is wrong because she's fking married. She has no right to search herself and enjoy a bit privacy outside the marriage. Pls tell her to get divorced first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I totally agreed with your judgements and criticisms. So now pls tell this husband to divorce his woman. 
This woman has cheated and fallen out of love.
She is in love with the OM.
Judged her and tell the husband to get rid of her.
Period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

iluvher --- I just read your other thread, is there any chance this is a revenge affair from the one you had on her?? I couldn't seem to find on the other one if she knew or not??


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

LMAO!
So the husband is actually also a cheater who complained about the spouse cheated?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> LMAO!
> So the husband is actually also a cheater who complained about the spouse cheated?


I don't really see the humor in this at all. A marriage is at risk and you seem to think its a big game. The same respect you want for the wife who is cheating is now all of the sudden unavailable to the husband who cheated?? That doesn't seem right at all.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Not a game. I already knew the husband was being ignorant and thanks for your findings. The humor part was after so many posts here attacking the cheating wife and criticing me, now we know what exactly happened and everything I said finally made sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loveless25 (Jan 5, 2011)

No its not right for your wife to email this man. Even if nothing physical happened. Reguardless of what happened in the past two wrongs dont make a right. One person cant go and try to justify their ea or pa by the "well u did this so I did this..." it just doesnt work like that. I think that is childish. Whatever happened before doesnt really matter because if you both decided to work things out one of you cant go having an ea or pa. I hope things work out for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Minus minus = + since both love seeking romance, I think open marriage might work in this case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Sorry if you don't get it.


Actually, reading what you wrote after my first post, I do get it now. You clarified it. 

So you are saying that an EA is basically the result of a husband (and I'd say wife too) ignoring the needs of the spouse and turning to the internet? I'd agree with that. 21st century technology sure has done some strange things to relationships, hasn't it?

The internet (ie; Facebook, texting, email, forums, etc) is just an extension of having a "traditional" affair. Common sense dictates that if the marriage were a good one and both people were emotionally fulfilled there would be no "affairs"..be it cyber or physical. 

The thing about the cyber affair is that allows the person to doing it to engage in a fantasy world and technically, since there is no physical "act" happening it isn't truly an adulterous act, although I'd be deeply disturbed and alarmed if I saw my husband getting emails like this from another woman. I'd call it a wake up call, that's for sure. But if there's no physical act (yet) I think the marriage can be saved. 

I tend to separate EAs from PAs. I know what it is to engage in the fantasy world of the internet. It's all too easy to do. No, I haven't had any EAs but I do play fantasy role playing games. 

However, I'd say that the act of actually meeting with the OM or OW and starting a traditional affair is a huge step. If the OP is at this point then I'd say there's still hope. There's every reason to believe that his wife is just engaging in a cyber-affair and hasn't taken the step of meeting with the OM but she's definitely thinking about it, or at least engaging in a fantasy about meeting with him. 

But if the husband has had an affair, as I'm gathering from other posts, well, that is a problem. I can see her wanting to get revenge. Sounds like this marriage is in trouble for sure and something needs to be done. 

I do not agree with the idea of an "open marriage", as in dating other people while married. I go with the traditional view that you marry to be with ONE person and one person only, otherwise just end it and move on. That's my .02.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Actually, reading what you wrote after my first post, I do get it now. You clarified it.
> 
> So you are saying that an EA is basically the result of a husband (and I'd say wife too) ignoring the needs of the spouse and turning to the internet? I'd agree with that. 21st century technology sure has done some strange things to relationships, hasn't it?
> 
> ...


Greatest well put 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iluvher (Jan 13, 2011)

I have done my share of wrong and I am not ashamed of admitting to my truly bad mistakes and judgments. She had agreed to start mending our marriage. I had broken off the affair three months back which only lasted 4 months. It was I that begged and pleased with my wife for the love and closeness. I wrote her letters, brought her flowers, pampered her, talk with her daily but she would not reciprocate. I grew lonely and that took over. I realized how truly in love I was with my wife and have made huge strides to regain myself and work diligently on repairing my marriage. She is the one that came to me and suggested we work things out later to find these letters. MsLonley you sound like you have a great deal of pain and I am so sorry for that. I found forgiveness in my wife and we talked last night. She still believes that it is ok but understands my point of view. She is making adjustments, as she put it, to the way she expresses herself. I have to believe that she will do just that. Divorce is no option in any case and working thru a marriage is hard but worth every painful moment. We can now only grow closer and have a greater love. This will take time allot of time to mend but divorce will never give happiness to anyone for if we dont change ourself we are doomed to repete ourselfs. Love the one your with and remeber love is a verb an action and without action we have no love. I just need to learn patiance since I want everything three days ago so GOD grant me the streanth to see thru this and bless our marrriage so we may once again see love and happiness thru your eyes. Thank you everyone for your feedback.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

To Mrs Lonely and all of the others who enjoy blaming the cheetee and not the cheater. We get it. We weren't perfect. But regardless of the denomination of the ceremony, I can just about guarantee we all took some version of the "for better or worse" pledge. You don't go outside of your marriage because it's easier (and a lot more fun) than fixing your own.

Can we PLEASE all accept that we all understand that spouses go outsife of their marriages because of something the other spouse wasn't providing. We all get that. IT DOESN'T HELP!!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Understood. Try to offer you guys with some honest views from cheaters' side. 
If you already get it, you're less likely to push the wife go further stray, which is a positive sign.
Most ppl blame on cheaters, but in the end only to push the cheaters checking out the marriage, leaving the loyal spouses totally abandoned and in great pain. You know what?
I clear know I would receive more agreement if I just say what most ppl like to hear, and it's much easier for me to comment as well but I would hate to do it for a reason. I know if I also point my finger at the cheaters like most ppl would, I would creat more reasons for the LS to fight with DS with a bigger fire and attack.
I saw many threads going this way, ended up the cheaters apologised but also checked out the marriage, not only bleaching the marriage contract and vows but also having the contract, and vows terminated.
That's what I would feel sorry to see again, again and again.
I'm doing a quite difficult work to help which I know it won't give me any kind response.
But if I can help persuading a careless husband that his wife has a need that he should fulfill, and he starts to pay more loving attention to his wife, so the wife will feel happy and loved. As a result, she would cut off her affair by herself since she no longer needs to turn to the OM for validations. 
I know my marriage worked because of this reason. 
My husband gives me love and attention so I don't give a dam about the OM anymore.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Many ppl commented, because I cheated, that's why I blamed the loyal spouses, which is half true.
I was cheated at first quite badly by my husband. I cheated with an EA because I crushed on a man from the internet.
My marriage at this moment is loving, peaceful and happy excepts a weird issue in the bedroom to be resolved but it's peanut compared to many ppl's issues here.
I'm here to give ppl bloody views from the cheater's side. 
I don't beat around bushes to avoid criticisms and judgements.
All criticisms are welcomed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

iluvher.....it wouldn't be okay for me if my partner was sending these kinds of email to anyone but me.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Is it very easy for you to draw the line what your spouse have done to make you happy and unhappy?
You forgot one thing- you're not always there on her mind.
When your wife wanted to send an email or sms to a person, what's on her mind at that very moment was all about herself and that person. 
She wasn't thinking to make you happy or unhappy because you're not there on her mind. Thus, she focused on the relationship between herself and that person. She didn't even think about the relationship with you.
So you like to say her intended to cheat on "you" but she didn't even think about "you" at all. In her intention, there's not a person who called "You."
Her intention was to communicate with that person. Period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

MsLonely - we get your point - both parties share the blame. Seems like you're hijacking the thread.

Also, didn't really notice anyone attacking you or really even the other woman. Seemed more like sarcastic remarks aimed at the seemingly obvious answer to the OP's question. (i.e. - "yeah - its ok if you don't care if she has a boyfriend")

Iluvher - an affair that ended just 3 months ago is still a very fresh wound.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I realize that a lot of people don't literally want answers to the questions they pose, but are looking for affirmation and support. If you're looking for an actual answer to is this right for a wife to do, you're making this way more complex than it needs to be.

That is a betrayal pure and simple.


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