# Somehow I am wrong for not wanting sex, but he cheated!



## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

So, a month ago I discover that my H asked someone else out to dinner and a movie. He later tells me it was a stripper and nothing happened so it doesn't mean anything. Long story short, from my previous posts, this is not the first incident. I kicked him out, he let himself back in 3 days later and moved upstairs, despite me repeatedly saying I don't want him here, and need space. He has tried to have sex every day whether if I fall asleep on the couch or wherever, although I always refuse, and he usually dent want to listen at first. Now, he yelled at me that he will never try to touch me again and I don't need to worry about where he is, blah blah blah. Really?! Threatening me on how I'm gonna see, pay, etc is not showing me you want to work it out, as he begs every day. I guess he thinks that is supposed to make me feel bad, but I dont. What is wrong with him?!
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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

He figures if you start having sex again then everything will return to normal and you will be healed.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

For the same reason a man can have sex right after an argument and its the last thing on a woman's mind. Because to a man sex means bonding and security. And is why women deny it to them. If she doesn't feel secure, no one gets any.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

"If Mama not happy, nobody's happy"

~sammy


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You don't sound like you are being very hard on him---he cheated, just by being with the woman, and you know da*n well he had sex, instead of dinner and a movie---why would he take a stripper to dinner and a movie

You need to tell him if he touches you (if you don't wanna be touched), you will call the police, and get a R O

He does have a right to be in the house, but you have a right to half of everything he earns

Don't take any crap from him


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## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

Geoffrey Marsh said:


> He figures if you start having sex again then everything will return to normal and you will be healed.


Exactly his thinking, at least in the past! I don't even know how to start forgiving him with this part in the way. It's like he thinks life should go back to normal because he said sorry, but went on to blame me for his actions. So, how do you get past that? and then getting angry because I dont want to sleep with you.
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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

It will be impossible to move forward until he owns up to the affair, claims it as his own and shows real remorse for his actions. Then ans only then can the both of you recommit yourselves to working on the marriage as a whole.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

OTOH.... instead of wondering how he can think this way.... You should be thinking "What now?" for yourself. If he isn't showing any remorse, or thinks you should just get over it... then you have to figure out what YOU really want.

He's right, he doesn't have to leave. He doesn't HAVE to do anything. Your life, your changes, YOUR options are just that .... yours. 

You either stay and live like that...or leave and do your own thing... 

or serve him divorce papers and stay till the end... 

or actively work on getting him to see what YOU need to move forward (can't make him see it tho, but you can try...for your own peace of mind). 

Figure out what YOU want, and how to get there!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Initfortheduration said:


> For the same reason a man can have sex right after an argument and its the last thing on a woman's mind. Because to a man sex means bonding and security. And is why women deny it to them. If she doesn't feel secure, no one gets any.


Don't be sucked in by this argument. He does not want loving intimate connection he wants physical satisfaction and you are convenient sex object. With his penchant for strippers, he probably has little respect for woman nor does he see sex as an expression of live. He seems to think it is something that he is entitled to if a woman is in his presence. 

Men can have just sex with no feelings whatsoever, you can tell when it's loving and when it just for his pleasure. Look at his attitude. If you want to be used by him then have sex, it will not make you feel good about yourself.

Any man who can make dates with strippers and not feel any sense of remorse for hurting you does not love you. He wants to use you for sex but not do the work to earn your love and trust. If you want him out get a legal separation. If he try's to force himself on you get a restraining order. If he becomes violent and abusive call the police. 

He does not want to do the work of continuing in a relationship with you why are you letting him stay in your life. He is not likely to change and he will continue to do as he pleases. Why risk your heart and possibility of STD's?
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