# my wife is jobless and depressed



## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

hi all,

my wife and i have been married for 2 years but we are in a relationship for more than 6 years...
Recently I got a job offer and she moved with me. She took the risk hoping she would find a job in our new town.
I am highly qualified but she is not. She worked for nearly 1 year at an ok job here but she left because she could not "handle the pressure", it "was too much" for her. she had problem adapting at this job but what job is easy? i asked her not to leave this job fearing she would not get anything better. I begged. But she didnt listen. She left the job hoping for the best, like she always does. But that didnt happen. Now she has been unenployed for ~ 6 months and she is often depressed and crying for her lack of job, profession situation.
In the meantime I must pay all the bills, rent, work hard in my high competitive, high demand job...she gets angry at me like its my fault i dont help her and stuff. I gave her an iphone to try to encourage her and motivate her for her job calls, interviews etc... 
sometimes i feel she is a looser and i fear i made the wrong choice in marrying her. this thought haunts me often but i really like her still a lot and we get along so well, if only she gets her life together and get a job and stop being such a looser but i dont see that happening in real life...
i feel she became such a burden, dragging me down...
what should i do?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

bussunda100 said:


> hi all,
> 
> my wife and i have been married for 2 years but we are in a relationship for more than 6 years...
> Recently I got a job offer and she moved with me. She took the risk hoping she would find a job in our new town.
> ...


sorry but wtf is wrong with you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Complexity said:


> sorry but wtf is wrong with you?


:iagree: No wonder she's depressed!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife have any education beyond high school? If so what?

What sort of job experience does she have?

There are several things she could do here.

1) go back to school and get some better skills or a degree insomething that will get her a job.

2) start looking at volunteer positions at hospitals, non-profits, etc. These will get her out to meet people, keep her busy, build her job skills. All of this will help her get a new job.

3) start meeing people and do business networking.


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## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

EleGirls and Rickys,

thanks for the support.
She does have education beyond high school. I guess the volunteer option is a good thing. will talk to her about it. In the meantime just hope she gets a nice offer soon.
But in general she needs to get her act together, she is too isolated, shutting down friends because she is in a bad situation now, it all builds up in the general picture. 
no job, low self esteem, shut down friends, isolate....it all falls down on my backs in the end of the day.
I try to be supportive and encourage (the last two years) but theres a limit to what i can do / help and I have to think about my happiness wellbeing too?


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## Batman (Jun 21, 2012)

Try to put yourself in her shoes. What would you do if you are in a really horrible job? How long can you take it? If she has low self-esteem, shuts down friends and isolates herself, it is because of her situation. She has low self-esteem because nobody would hire her. She shuts down friends and isolate herself because she is ashamed of her situation. It would be humiliating to her if she goes out with her friends who are doing good. She could have lost her identity. Some people identify themselves with their profession, and if you lose that, it could be debilitating. If you feel she's a loser, then you are aggravating her situation. If you have no patience for "loosers" better just leave her in the gutter while you bask in the glory of your high profile life. 

Instead of looking down on her, give her all the love a husband should give to a wife. Accept her for what she is, but don't tolerate it if she acts like a biatch. Be a traditional couple for the meantime, that is, be the breadwinner, while she's the housewife. Yes, give her that important role which so many other women would be happy to have.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Jobhunting is really awful, and none of us are at our best when we've gone for months without a job.

I hope that this works out for you.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

With the way the economy is these days, you should be more glad that YOU have a job rather then why she doesn't.


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

Hi bussunda -- Can I ever relate to what your wife is going through. I have been fired before, and it's devastating. I had no self-esteem, I felt like a failure, it was definitely hard to meet with people who were successful in the field when I wasn't, and every time I didn't get a job I applied for, I took it personally. I felt like colleagues (I was in the legal profession) were sitting at lunch laughing about what a loser I was. I don't think anyone can really understand being fired until it happens to them.
Being unemployed can cause depression, but maybe your wife has been depressed for a long time, and that's why she had so much trouble "adapting" to her old job, why she couldn't deal with the stress, etc. Would she go consult a mental health professional? Maybe medication and/or talk therapy would help brighten her mood and give her hope for the future, which would increase her odds of finding a job and succeeding at it.

You say that you "still like her a lot" and you get along well. This says to me that you don't love her anymore, if you ever did. You sound like you think quite highly of yourself and not so much of her. Anyone who really loves their spouse wouldn't refer to them as a "looser" and contemplate getting out of the marriage because the "burden" of their spouse is holding them back. If your wife feels that she's a millstone around your neck, as I suspect she does, this would only contribute to her depression. 
If you don't want to be married to her any longer, then be honest with her and leave the marriage. Hopefully she has family that she could stay with and get support from until she gets back on her feet.


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