# Bye Bye Sex.



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

We have been together for almost 2 years. I love him with all my heart and I really think he feels the same. He talks about marriage, moving in together ect... The problem is, he doesn't even kiss me, let alone have sex very much! When we first got together, we were really into the heavy bondage stuff, 3-somes (another guy, no he's not gay, they didn't touch Now it is maybe twice a month. We see each other on the weekends. And there is no foreplay, or kissing. And its ALWAYS doggy style position. If I ask him why he doesn't "want me" as much, he tells me to "stop it". and tells me I am being crazy. He does have a very stressful job and has gained a lot of weight. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I don't think he would ever cheat on me. I trust him. I just don't know what it could be. Are some guys just not affectionate? Why would he be in the beginning then? Thank you!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Is he a closet porn addict? Do not marry until things change for the better, and all has been resolved and you are once again happy with your sex life. You didn't say his age. If he is gaining weight and stresssed from work , this could take a toll on her testosterone levels (hormone that makes men lustful, horny & aggressive).

Eating right, not being stressed and loosing weight generally can increase this hormone in men. If he is taking any other meds, this can mess with his desire also.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Speaking as a guy, I would say that yes, there are some guys who are not affectionate. But it seems really weird that he didn't start that way. There's got to be a story there that's not being told... When did it start changing? Was it gradual, or sudden? When did he start gaining weight? And has there been any ED/performance issues? Weight gain can play into that a lot, I think.

I think an equally important question is "Are you willing to live like that?" For a lot of people, limited/no intimacy is a deal breaker. And him simply telling you to "stop it" indicates an inability or lack of desire to communicate and fix the issue. Either he's embarassed about it, or he doesn't see it as an issue. I would second the recommendation to not get married until this is resolved, as it's not likely to magically fix itself. I wouldn't even consider moving in together until significant progress is made on both the communication and intimacy issues.

C


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I agree with the other posters. Do not be contemplating marriage or moving in together until you get to the bottom of this.


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## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

Thank you everyone. He was watching porn quit a bit, I asked him to back off (thinking things would improve with us) He has as far as he tells me. I do believe him. He is 41 and I'm 38. I want to talk to him about it, but I just get the " stop starting ****" response.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dump him. You're only 2 years in. It will only get worst from here on out. It always does.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I agree with JB dump him. If he's like this at only 2 years in you have a rough road ahead and are you really willing to settle?


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## incognitoman (Oct 22, 2009)

PBear said:


> Speaking as a guy, I would say that yes, there are some guys who are not affectionate. But it seems really weird that he didn't start that way. There's got to be a story there that's not being told... When did it start changing? Was it gradual, or sudden? When did he start gaining weight? And has there been any ED/performance issues? Weight gain can play into that a lot, I think.
> 
> I think an equally important question is "Are you willing to live like that?" For a lot of people, limited/no intimacy is a deal breaker. And him simply telling you to "stop it" indicates an inability or lack of desire to communicate and fix the issue. Either he's embarassed about it, or he doesn't see it as an issue. I would second the recommendation to not get married until this is resolved, as it's not likely to magically fix itself. I wouldn't even consider moving in together until significant progress is made on both the communication and intimacy issues.
> 
> C


:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If that is your picture, you are very beautiful, why would you want to stay with an overweight porn addict who is not taking your feelings and desires into consideration, telling you to stop starting ****. Let him continue to screw himself . Find another !


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## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

Thanks, yes that really is my picture And I don't want to dump him. I love him. I just don't know how someone could start off with such a high sex drive then BOOM nothing. I think I am going to shoot him a text here and ask him about it. I am sure I will get the same whether I do it via text or in person I'll keep you posted!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

liah said:


> Thanks, yes that really is my picture And I don't want to dump him. I love him. I just don't know how someone could start off with such a high sex drive then BOOM nothing. I think I am going to shoot him a text here and ask him about it. I am sure I will get the same whether I do it via text or in person I'll keep you posted!


Well he is 41... Combined with weight gain is probably contributing a lot to hos declining Interest. I wouldnt get married to someone not meeting my sexual needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

For years I thought ALL guys were super horny and ALL women had no sex drive because that was my wife and she told me all women were that way too. I guess I was wrong. I have since learned differently. Our next door neighbors got divorced because he had little to no sex drive and hers was very high. 

I know of another couple, actually I just know the wife through work. She is a total knockout and is very bubbly and touchy and loves to hug (maybe that's why I go there in person rather than conducting business over the phone). She has a high sex drive but her husband lost interest in sex because he became depressed. He also was very self-conscious because he put on a few pounds. That's pretty amazing that a guy can put on a little weight and then not want sex for whatever reason. I guess that may do something to some guys.

I guess everyone is different. I went through depression and it had no effect on my sex drive, I might have possibly even wanted it more. Go figure.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

liah said:


> Thanks, yes that really is my picture And I don't want to dump him. I love him. I just don't know how someone could start off with such a high sex drive then BOOM nothing. I think I am going to shoot him a text here and ask him about it. I am sure I will get the same whether I do it via text or in person I'll keep you posted!


This is all in his head. Not being the great Dr Freud, I can't pinpoint the problem, but when you find it you can get everything back


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Considering most of the time a guy says he stopped or slowed porn use he is lying, I am not sure why you would believe him.

41 isnt old. My guess would be that mb and porn are easier and you have been replaced by it. The wild sex is an indication of a strong appetite. But after a while, it just isn't enough. Porn is opium. 

What kind of porn does he watch? Have you seen a change in the content over the past 2 years?

Loving someone who won't hqve sex with you will wreck your self esteem and make you want to cheat or divorce. Save yourself the trouble by finding someone who is not so messed up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

I am not sure what kind of porn he watches, I asked him once, he said all different kinds. He does go "missing" for a few hours sometimes and wont answer his phone or text me back, and when I ask him what he was doing ( not that I HAVE to know, we just always ask eachother ) he won't answer me:scratchhead: 
So maybe he is on the computer doin his thing. I am going over there tomorrow and I'm going to ask him in person. Instead of texting him. Cause he tends to ignore those kind of texts.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Missing for a few hours at a time, lost his original interest in you/now lacking sex drive, you see each other only on weekends... but you don't think he'd ever cheat on you... Why not? Sure sounds like he could have a piece of something that has his attention and needs being met on weekdays and/or when he goes 'missing'... I'm just sayin'.


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## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

Then why would he ask me to move in "now". And wouldnt this other "interest" be calling ect on the weekends when I am with him? Just sayin


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's not porn. He's on the down low.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

^ Runs nailed it. He maybe bi or gay. How did he interact with he men in the 3 some? Did he ever want another woman? It would be very unusual if he never wanted another woman. The doggy style he want to see your backside only maybe he does not want to see your girl parts. Does he like looking at you looking at women in general? 

Humans are capable of self delusion if the truth is too painful. The obvious is sometimes ignored. If you marry this man do not expect him to change - women commonly think they can change men you can't. Expect to have little to no sex, expect him to be satisfied with porn, expect to have your needs ignored. 

Why does he want you to move in? Maybe to have a woman around for cover, to appear normal. Try refusing to have sex that is not satisfactory. Why do you allow him to do to you what is not satisfactory sexually? If you want another position make it happen. If his reaction is anger or lack of interest then you have your answer. He is not as concerned about you as he should be for a person who loves you. I think you may be in denial if you are not willing to consider leaving him, try to open your mind. Love is not enough sometimes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

never marry a man who is keeping secrets from you 

I don't know if hr is gay but something serious is going on 

on those rare occasions when you do have sex insist on a condom and getting std test immediately 
you may have a girlfriend he may have a boyfriend or he made easy prostitute 
I really think it's time to get out of this relationship
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BoardNMom (Jan 10, 2011)

If he has gained a lot of weight it could be a self esteem issue for him as well. Some men just aren't as affectionate but if it's just now starting then that would lead me to believe it's not just that.
I agree with others though that marriage is not something I would be considering right now. If he is this way now then marriage will definitely not make it any better. I speak from experience.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Liah, all I want to say is ...Don't fool yourself, love is NOT enough. Having satisfaction and feeling loved in these areas of intimacy 
should never be underestimated. Unconditional love is a fallacy. 


What's Wrong with Unconditional Love (Part 1)

If he is hiding, pulling away, never marry such a man, it will only get worse. -not to mention he takes how YOU "feel" so lightly now, before the marraige. Learn from others experiences.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

liah said:


> Then why would he ask me to move in "now". And wouldnt this other "interest" be calling ect on the weekends when I am with him? Just sayin


 I'm not sure why he'd be looking to move in now, but it may very well be that he is bi and wants the security of you being more together before revealing that openly. Or maybe he's happy with his porn, but likes getting off with you, too, when he feels like it. Lots of bad reasons, but I can't think of a good one for you to consider it (currently), without knowing a lot more about what is going on, because it appears you DON'T "trust him", really... which is why you're asking questions in the first place and even posting here.

His other interest may be also otherwise involved, and be perfectly fine with an arrangement of no weekends... or he's lying to them... who knows.

I hope you do get to an explanation - and more so hope it's a satisfactory one for you. But no way I'd be moving in; why have questions going in, and why settle for what is clearly unsatisfactory to you already? 

"just saying' !"  I really do hope you get to the bottom of this.


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## msmith (Jun 7, 2011)

Is there any way you can check the browsing history of the computer?


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## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

He has it set to where his history deletes on his computer when he gets off it. I KNOW what he's looking at, porn. I am ok with that. Its just I hope thats not WHY he doe not want me.

I did talk to him this weekend. He said that it is just a weird time in his life right now (he had something bad happen at work that freaked him out pretty bad) and he is just going through alot (stress, ect..) But he said it not me, he is attracted to me, and only cranks out about once a week. I asked how he can go from such a high sex drive to this? His answer was "I dont know". But there is nobody else (he got pretty upset about that) and its just that we are in a different "spot" in our relationship where he dont want to do all that bizarre stuff. With the 3-somes, no they did not touch. I have brought up bringing another girl in, early on he said ok, but he would not touch her. Now he said he would not do it cause it would ruin our relationship. But he is fascinated with anal stuff, anything to do with the butt he loves. Not with his, but mine, or if its being talked about on tv, about gay guys ****ing ect...he is fascinated, but then like "OMG gross".
I really do not think there is someone else, I think its the porn, or stress or something along those lines. Not that im ok with that, but its better than cheating. He gave me a key to his home, I dont think he'd do that if he had someone else.


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## Goodboy (Jun 11, 2011)

Actually, over weight and stress may make some not to be able to sex well as he used to do. Secondly, if he use to sex out side you, it can also make him not to be interested in you much more because what he would have done to you, he has already done that out side home.
Advise him to go for weight loss and that he should reduce the amount of job that he does.NOTE! It could also be he is having sexual problems which he has not told you.


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## lyngreen504 (Jun 7, 2011)

His other marriage didn't work out because he is gay, he is afraid of coming out of the closet so he is using you, to keep you he does you twice a month, but it only turns him on when its from the rear? there are clues everywhere, his ex wife called him to warn him that you were inquiring, he backed off from you because you were figuring that something was up... i'm not being silly or trying to be funny. I actually have a sister at the moment that is dating someone with similar "characteristics" so to speak, and we have been trying to warn her. If a man loves you, he would be affectionate. No kids, 2 years invested (that's nothing). Your not too deep in the hole that you can't live without him (no one ever is) but for you, it isn't complicated to get out now. Please give your self a fighting chance withsome who puts in the same effort as yoruself into a respectful and loving relationship. my husband can be a jerk, and I put up with it because I have invested six years of my life and three kids... Marriage is a rollercoaster, without the kids, I know we wouldn't be together, but even for myself why put ourselves through all this worry and heart ache when there are other people out there that are willing to make us happy with out trying to get them to make us happy if you know what i mean. We don't need men in our lives when the stress is overwhelming. For all of us that are in more complicated relationships, do us a favor and get out now. lol. seriously.


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## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

Really? you think he's gay? Wow, and he just had his co-worker (male) move in with him lol YIKES! I don't know, he always acts so funny when the "gay" subject comes up. Like its SO gross. But then again he is fascinated with anything to do with ass. :scratchhead:


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

What is the old saying, "one doeth protest too much" or something like that? Admittedly I am obsessed with anal sex too but strictly where women are concerned. I have zero interest or curiosity in males.

I agree with SA, you look like a beautiful woman. There is ZERO reason any red-blooded man wouldn't be all over you. Do NOT go into this relationship thinking things will improve, they will NOT. I certainly cannot say he is gay but there is definitely something not right there.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

liah said:


> Really? you think he's gay? Wow, *and he just had his co-worker (male) move in with him *lol YIKES! I don't know, he always acts so funny when the "gay" subject comes up. Like its SO gross. But then again* he is fascinated with anything to do with ass*. :scratchhead:


You know when you're watching a movie and you miss all of the signs througout and at the end of the movie they show you all the things that pointed to the answer all along?

There it is.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's The Crying Game.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You gotta dump this loser.


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