# The feud -my wife vs my sister help me!!!



## oldfashonguy

A little more than a year ago my wife happened upon a blog entry on my older sisters Facebook page , in this blog she basically said that she thought that my wife and I are not fit parents and don't deserve to have the two kids we have. This entry was written in response to a conversation that my sister and I had about how I don't bring my kids to visit her enough , I said that she would understand when she had kids and she thought that it was insensitive for me to say that to someone who had recently had a miscarriage . I then said that I am saying it because I know that she will have kids (she is do in a month by the way).
My wife had had a miscarriage a year before and I was trying to impress upon her (my sister) that a lot of women have miscarriages (1 out of 3 in the first tri), that she shouldn’t think that it means she can't have kids.
Anyway my wife is an extremely shy and private person so publicly attacking her parenting skills was the worst thing possible that could happen. My wife was furious and I just didn't know what I should do.
A day or two later we were having lunch at my parents' house and who should arrive but my sister. We all live close to each other which is why, by the way, I didn’t think I needed to run after my sister to see my kids. 
So when my wife saw my sister she all but hit her and she called her:"a stupid cow". This was the first and last time that I heard my wife say something like that.
This was very bad but wait it gets worse…
About a week later my mother went on a trip abroad and my father called us up to say that my sister wanted to apologies. I convinced my wife to come with me and when we arrived we discovered that my father had lied, that he had told my sister the same thing (that we wanted to apologies. my wife did say she was sorry for calling my sister a cow but my sister in response stated to scream and rage at my wife saying things like: you ruined my brother's life and I have always hated you!! This is not what you say to your in-laws and it but me in an even more difficult situation. As many people do I have vented in front of my sister after having arguments with my wife and my sister used that as ammo agenst my wife.
My sister has never been nice to my wife but I could always say that my wife was imagining it …..Can't use that card anymore
Since then I have had little contact with my sister any am under increasing pressure from my family to fix everything.
This would be less of problem if we went all in such close contact with each other 
My wife wants nothing to do with my sister and my sister clames the she has already said she is sorry. 
I don't know what I should do, everyone is telling me to fix it and I don't know how.


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## oldfashonguy

to enoughisenough: i have taken a side i took my wife side and i am not telling my family not to get involved , i told them to get involved to explain to my sister that she did something wrong and that you don't tell your sister in-law that you hate her and that she ruined you brothers life. my sister has always denied that she has a problem with my wife so i did think that it was my wife's imagination. if you have any ideas for me i would love to hear them


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## Mavash.

There seems to be a pattern with you being attracted to difficult women with no filters. I was on your wifes side until she attacked your sister. Then to hear your family got involved by LYING didn't help your story. Oh and lets not forget the part where you tried to convince your wife was imagining it all.

Your whole family dynamic is messed up and it's going to take some soul searching and possibly IC for you to get a grip on it. You need some lessons on boundary setting and STAT.

BTW it's NOT your job to fix this.


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## Love Song

Whatever you do you need to stick by your wives side. Your sister was out of line and by her behavior she isn't ready to fix things. If your sister was ready to fix things she would give your wife a real apology. Without your sister first doing this there is nothing you can do. I would stay away from your sister for now. Wait until she comes to you. If you force things it wont be a true reunion.


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## Manas

I have been in a similar situation and in my experience you cant do much to help things .... they might make up on their own, or the best you can expect is a cold war .... try not to take sides and keep yourself out of it .... change the conversation whenever one of them starts to rant .... and try not to ever make your wife think you are taking your sisters side ..... in my case I am lucky that my sister lives in a different state so its easy for me to keep out of the whole drama


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## Hicks

You must take your wife's side over your sister and your parents.

Your sister was way out of line, and even if she wasn't you take your wife's side.

And OWN IT. Pleasanty explain to everyone around you that you are a husband to your wife and a father to your children and as soon as sister or anyone else for that matter figure out how to make it right with your wife you will gladly accept them back in your sphere.


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## readyforbaby76

I agree with what most have said, you MUST be on your wife's side. 
The fact that your sister screamed at your wife and said she hated her and ruined your life is AWEFUL.
If you must, tell your sister how bad this was and that SHE must fix it.
Until then.............your sister has made her own bed. 

Your family must understand this -


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## lamaga

Another vote here for Wife. Shouldn't even be a question.

(Now, even if you have to sit Sis down privately and assure her WHY you have to support your wife...you still have to choose your wife. Or you won't have one much longer.)


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## Mmommy1

Your wife had every right to be upset, but she should not have called your sister any names. The right thing to do would have been to sit her down and talk with her about why she feels the way she does...too late for that. At this point I wouldn't pick "sides". Your wife was wrong to say what she said...and your sister was especially wrong for publicly posting your life. Your family should stay out of your peronal business as well. At this point you may want to sit them all down together, so each one can hear what you have to say to the next. How you are disappointed in all of them and you love them all dearly...but everyone needs to grow up a bit, especially your sister.


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## Bobby5000

Just don't worry. Things happen. Have your wife be cordial if possible and don't get too involved. 

One thing you need to learn is that your happiness if not dependent on how your parents view you at this moment. If your wife and your sister don't get along, so be it.


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## Wanting1

You should not be venting to your family when you have issues with your wife. This gives them a very one-sided view of your relationship and affects how they view her. Witness your sister's view of your wife. Of course, you need to take your wife's side. But you actually created this situation where your sister feels justified in her opinion of your wife. And your wife feels betrayed and probably wonders what else you have told your family about her. 

It's probably time to disengage from your family for awhile. When you do interact with them, your time would be well spent to build your wife up in their eyes. Talk about what a great wife and mother she is. Use specific examples. Make it clear that you are proud of her and love her. It might repair some of the damage you have done. 

My husband and I do not have any kind of perfect marriage. We have issues and problems. But one thing he has always done for me is give me compliments. He gives me compliments to people with no expectation that I will ever even know that he did so. Every so often, someone will come up to me and tell me how lucky I am to have a husband that appreciates me and what I do for him. How do they know this? Because he tells them. I encourage you to do this for your wife.


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## jane_ro

talk to your wife. tell her you understand. tell her you feel the pain too. its not easy to take sides specially when its your family she's against with as represented by your sister. its not easy for her too. 
you said your wife is not the loud type, that she has been silent before your sister provoked her. 

your sister was way out of line when she announced in public that you are not fit parents to your kids. that is unfair and your wife has every reason to react.

the best thing to go about this is to stand firm and tell your sister to be respectful to you and that should include your wife too, being your other half.


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## FirstYearDown

Do not discuss your marital issues with anyone in your family. You may forgive and forget what your wife does, but family often cannot do the same. When you discuss your wife with your sister, you are betraying your spouse.

Take your wife's side. She comes first and your sister had no right to attack your spouse in that manner.


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## specwar

You states the case great.

You don't have a problem other than perception.

Here is a news flash. Everybody doesn't have to like everybody. And everybody won't like everybody even if they pretend to.

It was actually a good thing that they got together and your sister let it all out by telling your wife what she thought. Now there should be no question about motive or how to proceed. You act civil at family occasions and move on with your lives period.. You could still have a relationship with your sister but you should always stand up for your family (spouse). 

If you sister is a reasonable person than as the years go by when she sees that your wife is a good wife and mother she will let go of her bad feelings towards your wife and will ultimately apologize. 

Or she won't. And that is ok to. 

It is like I tell my kids. We simply disagree and that is ok. I am not mad about it. You have a different point of view. We are each entitled to our point of view. If we are not (as adults) allowed to have differing views then you have a problem (not me) and move on with your life.

At the end of the day we want clear thinking, decent people around our children. Regardless of whether they are family or not. Will that make you unpopular (probably). And how sad is that that our country has slipped so far that expecting people to act civil is annoying? How sad


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## GhostRydr

Gotta take your wifes side.

I dont believe in a blood is thicker than water outlook. Never have

Ive gotten crap for it too in the past that people cant comprehend I put facts before family and if the facts of a situation come down on the side where I have to go against family then so be it.


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## lamaga

LOL, Ghost. My family of origin is batsh*t crazy and I have to go against them all the time. Not a problem


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## GhostRydr

So is my wifes family and the thing that slays me is she admits it but NEVER takes my advise, follows her own way, gets it blown up in her face and then hates me even more because I was right. And I dont really help the matter (really dont care at this point either)...cuz when its serious stuff and my opinions are blown off, and it blows up in her face, Im a total, I told ya so type of person...ESPECIALLY when people seek out my advise! 

Its like they dont really want your advise, they are just looking for anoither idiot to validate the (psycho) path they are gonna take in a situation.

I dont get certain people know their way is wrong, usually ends up wrong, admit its wrong but have animosity toward those who try to show them the way. 

Her family gets arrested over and over...and when I try to tell her the best way to handle stuff, all I get is "you have no idea cuz you werent raised in my crazy life".and then I try to tell her thats exactly why she should be listening to me because my way wont result in problems and hers, theirs leads to the same thing...so why blow off people who managed to stay out of trouble and take the advise of losers who cant?


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## Jimena

Your sister's actions were out of line, you need to make that clear to her.
furthermore, I think you owe your wife an apology for sharing those negative and intimate details of your relationship with your sister. By doing that, you made it more difficult for a healthy relationship between your wife and sister.


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## stoney1215

it is your responsibility to tell your family when they are wrong . no matter who it is . dad was way out of line with his deception . after you , your wife , and your sister had it out it is you who has to be the go between to try to fix things . by now your wife has no desire to have a relationship with your sister and it is her decision . 

you need to stick by your wife , put your family in its place when it comes to you and your wife .


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