# Can't have kids and depressed



## lala

I've known for many years that I couldn't have children. It's actually very rare but for some reason when I was 13 or 14 my ovaries started failing and a lot of my eggs died. And they did blood work and my estrogen and pro-estrogen levels were very low. It only happens to like 2% of the population according to the doctor I went to. Well, he went ahead and put me on birth control anyways just for the extra hormones and so I would have a regular period. Well, I have to be on birth control now for the rest of my life, obviously not because of the chance of getting pregnant because by now all my eggs are dead. Sorry if this is too much information...but I've always wanted to experience motherhood, I love babies and I when I was little I used to daydream about what it was like when I grew up and had children of my own..I still do sometimes.
I'm married and lucky for me, my husband dosn't want kids. So, I kinda just let it go because he dosn't want any, but I still do deep inside. It makes me angry that I can't have kids, jealous when I see pregnant women, or women that just had babies. It makes me wonder what did I do wrong? Why can't I be happy like they are? What if me and my husband get divorced and I'm old and all alone? Who will take care of me? I want to have a baby so bad...even if I could have kids right now isn't the best time financially for us. We just started our own business and we're in debt to our a** until this thing takes off. But I still am depressed about never being able to get pregnant or have children almost every day of my life, sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night. I see things on the news about children being abused, or their parents just not giving a shi* about them. As I type this there's probably some child locked in a closet starving to death. But I would be a good mother...and it's not fair that I can't have a baby. 
I would even adopt if we could afford it. Or maybe have a serrogate mother, only they couldn't use my eggs because I have none left but I guess some other woman's egg and my husband's sperm? Do they have egg banks like men donate sperm? I guess I just have more questions than anything. Thank you for reading..sorry it's so long. Just depressed about facing the facts of my life.


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## Runs like Dog

How long have you grieved your loss? You need to touch it, hold it up and ultimately throw it away. Ever see anyone about this? A grief counselor?


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## Riverside MFT

Lala, your natural mother instincts are kicking in and there is nothing you can do about it. These instincts are normal an most women experience them (even from an early age). Usually, when a women gets pregnant, these needs are met. She feels like she is finally fulfilling her role as a woman. Unfortuneately, you do not get to have that experience. Though it is something I will never truly understand, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. It is sad that often the people who would be great, dedicated, and loving parents are unable to have children of their own. And those who don't want children or who are dead-beats have 10 different children with 10 different partners. It just doesn't seem fair. I once heard a quote tht said, "Motherhood is more than bearing children...It is the essence of who we are as women."

Motherhood is about loving, leading, teaching, and serving.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? 
Do you know of other children who are in need of a mother's guidance (neighbors, church group, etc.)?
Volunteering at a school or library could initially be heart wrenching, but with time could be very valuable as you would be able to apply those natural mothering instincts. As mentioned, grief counseling could also be benfecial. Again, Lala, I am very sorry for your loss.


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## Mrs.G

Riverside MFT said:


> Lala, your natural mother instincts are kicking in and there is nothing you can do about it. These instincts are normal an most women experience them (even from an early age). *Usually, when a women gets pregnant, these needs are met. She feels like she is finally fulfilling her role as a woman.* Unfortuneately, you do not get to have that experience. Though it is something I will never truly understand, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. It is sad that often the people who would be great, dedicated, and loving parents are unable to have children of their own. And those who don't want children or who are dead-beats have 10 different children with 10 different partners. It just doesn't seem fair. I once heard a quote tht said,* "Motherhood is more than bearing children...It is the essence of who we are as women."*
> 
> As a woman who does not wish to have children, I hope that not having kids means I am not fullfilling a womanly role. Of course, most people believe that a woman is not "whole" unless she has children.
> 
> My best friend is pregnant right now and as I watch what she is going through, I am pleased that I will never have to experience such discomfort for nearly a year. She is not looking forward to giving birth and I can't say I blame her; who would be excited about tortuous pain?? I won't even go into how hard it is to parent a screaming newborn and the negative effect children can have on the couple's romantic relationship.
> 
> My heart goes out to Lala and any other infertile woman who yearns to be a mother. It must be so sad.
> 
> Motherhood is about loving, leading, teaching, and serving.
> 
> Do you have any nieces or nephews?
> Do you know of other children who are in need of a mother's guidance (neighbors, church group, etc.)?
> Volunteering at a school or library could initially be heart wrenching, but with time could be very valuable as you would be able to apply those natural mothering instincts. As mentioned, grief counseling could also be benfecial. Again, Lala, I am very sorry for your loss.


I like the advice about applying motherly instincts somewhere else. I use mine on my nieces, pets and pregnant friends who need extra care during that time.:smthumbup: When I am with my best friend, I fetch things for her because she can barely get up at times. I indulge her extreme appetite and gladly cook whatever she is craving.


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## striving4better

Lala I feel such pain when reading your words, and am so sorry that you've had to go through this. 

I know nothing can really ever take that pain away but one can try with words of support. 

I understand when you say you want to experience mother hood, how you get jealous around pregnant women or women who have had babies. Do not feel guilty for feeling this way. Try to remember that jealousy isn't so much that you aren't happy for them, rather it's a painful realization every time of what you're unable to have. It's not selfish it's human nature, I feel the same way and have found healing in reminding myself every time I feel pain why it is I'm in pain over hearing another announcement of near and dear friends being pregnant. It allows me to separate my happiness for them over my sorrow for my husband and I. 

I feel as though a support group of some kind would really help you. I know of a forum that is called Hysterectomy Support Discussions, Before Hysterectomy, After Hysterectomy, Recovery - HysterSisters . It is for women who can't have kids. I've read some posts from there and all of the women are so supportive. It helps to know your not alone. Read about others stories and pick up what helped them move on from the pain. 

I have no advice other then to seek support in forms of not only a forum but perhaps even your husband. While he doesn't want kids you should be able to be open with him. My husband is always there for me and I feel so much better knowing I can cry or vent to him without feeling bad for my feelings. Keeping it inside I feel may make it worse. You need comfort and support the best person for that should be your husband. 

My heart goes out to you, I wish you all the best.


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## Softly Walking

Have you ever given thought to fostering? There are children out there who need and want parents but no one wants them because they aren't babies. I am in all honesty not trying to be rude, but I know several women who for one reason or another are unable to get pregnant and not one of them has ever given any thought to fostering children - because they aren't babies. :scratchhead:
I just don't understand it.


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## oceanbreeze

HI Lala, 

This is a very deep post and hits close to heart. Since puberty, I've had abdominal pain and it has gotten worse over the years. this year it was discovered on my right side that i have ovarian cysts that keep rupturing. when i first heard about that i did cry, too. this meant that eventually, it could lead to other things and not being able to have babies, and even taking out my right ovary if things get any worse. the pain on my left side finally stopped, wasn't major anyhow. but i, too, was put on birth control/hormonal treatment in order for there to be a balance. 

also, i dont know if you're religious, but your case does remind me of sarah. the woman who could not have babies, asked her husband to have a surrogate (in those days sex w. the slave maiden-his sperm, her eggs), then the wife grew jealous, and God made her weight longer. She finally had a baby of her own after some time. Sometimes, you just never know.


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## the gifted

If you could bring children you were not disappointed that the choice not yours?


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## southern wife

lala said:


> I've known for many years that I couldn't have children. It's actually very rare but for some reason when I was 13 or 14 my ovaries started failing and a lot of my eggs died. And they did blood work and my estrogen and pro-estrogen levels were very low. It only happens to like 2% of the population according to the doctor I went to. Well, he went ahead and put me on birth control anyways just for the extra hormones and so I would have a regular period. Well, I have to be on birth control now for the rest of my life, obviously not because of the chance of getting pregnant because by now all my eggs are dead. Sorry if this is too much information...but I've always wanted to experience motherhood, I love babies and I when I was little I used to daydream about what it was like when I grew up and had children of my own..I still do sometimes.
> I'm married and lucky for me, my husband dosn't want kids. So, I kinda just let it go because he dosn't want any, but I still do deep inside. It makes me angry that I can't have kids, jealous when I see pregnant women, or women that just had babies. It makes me wonder what did I do wrong? Why can't I be happy like they are? What if me and my husband get divorced and I'm old and all alone? Who will take care of me? I want to have a baby so bad...even if I could have kids right now isn't the best time financially for us. We just started our own business and we're in debt to our a** until this thing takes off. But I still am depressed about never being able to get pregnant or have children almost every day of my life, sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night. I see things on the news about children being abused, or their parents just not giving a shi* about them. As I type this there's probably some child locked in a closet starving to death. But I would be a good mother...and it's not fair that I can't have a baby.
> I would even adopt if we could afford it. Or maybe have a serrogate mother, only they couldn't use my eggs because I have none left but I guess some other woman's egg and my husband's sperm? Do they have egg banks like men donate sperm? I guess I just have more questions than anything. Thank you for reading..sorry it's so long. Just depressed about facing the facts of my life.


Have you considered adoption or a surrogate? There are ways to have a baby!


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## jgash

this is in response to Runs Like A Dog's answer. I know that you meant well and no harm with what you said but.... As a woman who also found out at a very young age they she too would never be able to conceive her own children; i find your throw it awaycomment hurtful and pretty much something that is impossible.


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## Lydia

Have you seen a doctor who specializes in infertility? Not so that you could be pregnant... but perhaps they could go over all options for you.

You could also look up the rules for surrogacy in your state. You never know.

And adoption is always an option further down the road when your H and you become more financially stable.


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## accept

the woman who could not have babies, asked her husband to have a surrogate (in those days sex w. the slave maiden-his sperm, her eggs), then the wife grew jealous, and God made her weight longer. She finally had a baby of her own after some time. Sometimes, you just never know.
Cant believe it was SARAHs eggs!
Dont think they could do it then.


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## TMCK

I was contemplating having kids in the first 10 years of our marriage, my husband has never wanted or not wanted children. We went through two IVF treatments (at my request) after a few ‘natural’ miscarriages. Both IVF treatments resulted in pregnancies of twins, which both ended up with miscarriages. After the IVF we had two more ‘natural’ miscarriages. When I say ‘natural’ that only means a pregnancy without any sort of medical help. We are now in year 12 and am happy with each other and our lives together. This has been a decade of learning.


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## Kylie84

Softly Walking said:


> Have you ever given thought to fostering? There are children out there who need and want parents but no one wants them because they aren't babies. I am in all honesty not trying to be rude, but I know several women who for one reason or another are unable to get pregnant and not one of them has ever given any thought to fostering children - because they aren't babies. :scratchhead:
> I just don't understand it.


Softly Walking- almost all woman want to nuture children at some point in their lives, and while fostering is a brilliant way to help that need as well as helping that foster child this runs deeper. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 19, and at that stage I wasn't thinking about having kids. Now I am 27 and my husband and I so badly want children of our own. If we can't, we haven't decided if we will adopt etc. But for me its the yearning of having the life growing inside me, to be excited for being pregnant and creating life with the person I love most in the world. It is more than just raising a child


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## Thewife

Hi lala, you said you have no eggs, how about your uterus? is it fine? if you really want you can go for embryo donotion bank and get embryos and transfer, in this way you can get pregnant, give birth and experience motherhood the way you dreamt as a little girl. If you know of friends or family who are willing to help you would be great to get embryos. Hope this is possible. I know of someone who did something like this and now has a beautiful girl.


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## Tikii

I'm not in the same boat, but a similar one. I have been unable to conceive for more than five years of trying. Each day that goes by hurts, and my doctors cannot at this point help me. I will have to wait until September to get any answers, but they may not be answers I am looking for.

Nothing is more hurtful than being told God has a plan or to just relax and yet it is allwe ever hear. I would suggest seeing a reproductive endocrinologist and find out what they can do for you. You shouldn't have to suffer if there is a chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## margeryred

I was hoping to find something here to tell my friend who is in almost a similar situation. I hate to be a negative "nelly" but all of the suggestions so far are not feasible. Either she has already tried IVF, filed and paid boocoo dollars for adoptions that got cancelled (Russian) and her husband has now announced that he no longer can be in the rat race of trying to have a child that just doesn't want them...

I need advice to be a good friend to her. I don't want children. I know there is something broken inside of me. (It has to do with upbringing and terrible trauma as a child and the lack of desire to be a parent for fear of making the same mistakes or watching a child in pain.)

I personally mentor kids. My friend is a teacher... nothing about being with other people's children (when she longs to have her own but cannot) helps her get through that desire. She is ANGRY. She is DEPRESSED. She is so bitter. She has a right to be. I just don't know what to say to her. Why isn't there a manual to help deal with things like this???

I am not exactly happy in my marriage, but she is thinking about leaving a perfectly good marriage a GREAT husband because he is giving up and she wants to have a family. They are in their 40's and time is running out.

I try to tell her that there is no guarentees in life, if you have kids it doesn't mean they will outlive you, it doesn't mean they will care for you in return. However, she is just negative and wants what she wants. 

Is there such a thing as being so selfish to ruin your life just to get what you think you want??? I mean, I thought it would be selfish to have a kid and not really want it so I didn't. How do I encourage her to be selfless? She has lost her faith in God. I mean, I have faith in God even after the hell I have been through in my life and I can't use that perspective and angle on her. I don't know how to soften her heart to the reality that is no children...  (She has one nephew who lives out of state and doesn't feel super close to him.)

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!


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## IndiaInk

margeryred said:


> I personally mentor kids. My friend is a teacher... nothing about being with other people's children (when she longs to have her own but cannot) helps her get through that desire. She is ANGRY. She is DEPRESSED. She is so bitter. She has a right to be. I just don't know what to say to her. Why isn't there a manual to help deal with things like this???
> 
> 
> However, she is just negative and wants what she wants.
> 
> Is there such a thing as being so selfish to ruin your life just to get what you think you want???
> 
> PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!


There's a Buddhist quote that goes something like:

_Holding on to anger is like holding a hot coal in your hand; you're the one who gets burnt._ 

Nothing good can ever come from drowning in our: despair, jealously, self-pity or misery.

Absolutely Nothing.

And the irony is that when we choose to get stuck in this black and negative muck...we end up ruining so much more of our life than the original 'injury' ever did.

If a fire destroyed 25% of a beautiful,ancient and irreplaceable forest...that would be a tragedy. That would be very sad.

But would anyone say: “Well, since 25% has already been destroyed, we might as well burn the remaining 75% into the same black nothingness”?

Of course not.

Yet, that's exactly what the 'inability to let go of a WRONG' that Life has done you is like.

You just burn up the remaining years you have...you spend your days filling miserable, or you throw away a good husband or a good marriage...you spread the pain, the fire and YOU ALONE make more areas of your life (and the people in it), blackened and charred.

The days fall away. Time ticks on. And soon enough, your last day on earth comes and goes. 

You go.

And that was it. That was your life. That was what you made of it. 

How tragic...

How tragic that you never realized that there is NO TRAGEDY, NO INJUSTICE, NO INJURY that another person or Fate can hand you...that you can't TRANSFORM into something good, meaningful and worthwhile.

And who would know that better than Helen Keller--a woman who was blind and deaf for almost her entire life. 

Who would trade the pain and injury life has handed them, for the one it handed her? Surely she, if anyone, would've had a right to wallow in bitterness. She was cheated out of seeing and hearing the world ENTIRELY.

Yet she did not wallow.

And she turned her personal tragedy into something beautiful for both herself and the world. 

It's worth considering her thoughts on the subject:

_“Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.”_

Or don't believe it...

Just know:

Ultimately, you (and ONLY you) hold all the cards that will bless or curse the days of life going forward. 

Play them well. 

In 100 years all of us (and our sorrows) will be gone...

Choose Happiness Today.


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## unbelievable

Lots of God's kids need parents. They're not all infants, not all white, but He loves them all. I suspect some couples can't have babies the natural way because there are millions of kids already here who don't have loving parents. If someone wants to love a kid, they aren't hard to find and the need is great. There are never enough foster parents, for example.


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## SimplyAmorous

margeryred said:


> I was hoping to find something here to tell my friend who is in almost a similar situation. I hate to be a negative "nelly" but all of the suggestions so far are not feasible. Either she has already tried IVF, filed and paid boocoo dollars for adoptions that got cancelled (Russian) and her husband has now announced that he no longer can be in the rat race of trying to have a child that just doesn't want them...
> 
> I need advice to be a good friend to her.
> 
> My friend is a teacher... nothing about being with other people's children (when she longs to have her own but cannot) helps her get through that desire. She is ANGRY. She is DEPRESSED. She is so bitter. She has a right to be. I just don't know what to say to her. Why isn't there a manual to help deal with things like this???
> 
> I am not exactly happy in my marriage, but she is thinking about leaving a perfectly good marriage a GREAT husband because he is giving up and she wants to have a family. They are in their 40's and time is running out.
> 
> 
> Is there such a thing as being so selfish to ruin your life just to get what you think you want??? I mean, I thought it would be selfish to have a kid and not really want it so I didn't. How do I encourage her to be selfless? She has lost her faith in God. I mean, I have faith in God even after the hell I have been through in my life and I can't use that perspective and angle on her. I don't know how to soften her heart to the reality that is no children...  (She has one nephew who lives out of state and doesn't feel super close to him.)
> 
> PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!


Is she from the United States...if so, she is likely familiar with Resolve... .....here is the link .. when ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...they have support groups... 

Finding Resolution RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

This is really very difficult, I understand only a small measure of this pain....my infertility experience was AFTER we had 1 child - so I probably don't even count. I used to look to the Bible and pray a lot... I remember reading these passages.... and feeling HOW Cruel God is to deny a woman who wants this with every beat of her heart.....yet recognizes her pain by comparing the barren womb to a desert thirsting for water, the grave & a consuming uncontrollable fire... 



> *Proverbs 30:16* *"The grave; and the barren womb; The earth that is not filled with water; And the fire that saith not, "It is enough."*
> 
> The grave is never satisfied. No matter how many are buried today, cemeteries will take more tomorrow. Though death cuts men down by the thousands, there is room for more. The grave never says, "It is enough!" It has an insatiable desire for the bodies of men.
> 
> *The barren womb is never satisfied*. In Bible times, women craved bearing children. Rachel said to her husband Jacob, "Give me children, or else I die" (Gen 30:1). The barren womb has an insatiable desire for children.
> 
> The earth that is not filled with water is never satisfied. Dry ground absorbs water applied to it and is still dry. The water disappears, and the ground demands more. Though much water is supplied, it yet wants more. The dry ground has an insatiable desire for water.
> 
> The raging fire is never satisfied. As long as it can find combustible material, it will continue to burn. It never approaches a forest or house and stops due to lack of desire to burn. The raging fire has an insatiable desire to burn anything it can touch.


You can not encourage a woman to be SELFLESS when her whole heart wants to GIVE this badly...to bless another... it's not something you can compare ...there is a tremendous gaping VOID ..it is THE LOSS of her every dream... she hasn't the power to "let it go" *yet*.... only a fellow struggling Infertile woman can understand this process I believe...

Where does she go from here....she needs to find Peace with the hand dealt her in this life...An "acceptance"... This is a matter of *Grieving* , not undermining... 


Did she start late in her life trying to conceive - like mid 30's... how many yrs has she been going through this process? 

It sounds she got through the "loss of her own child"... to reach out to adoption (some never make it this far...not being able to work through that)....

And now these adoptions falling through... Has she tried Foster Care.... I have known a couple who have ended up adopting through these means.... A thought... 

This is the steps of Grieving.... even though this is not a death , it is THE DEATH of a dream to your friend and it is JUST AS REAL as any other death....Listen to her....she needs to talk it out... cry it out... Pray for her.. and hopefully she will stay put and not do anything drastic to further destruct what may be good in her life... her marriage.

She will need to grieve, going through these stages to -find acceptance at the end.. there is no short cut. (People may try to numb it ....getting drunk/high, addictions..throwing themselves into work )..let's hope she can wade through this...


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## Lyris

Whenever people bring up the "why not foster/adopt an older child" I always wonder if they've done that. If they have any idea about the issues that adopting an older child can bring. Health issues, attachment issues, long-term ultimately unsolvable behavioural problems. Of facing the likelihood that a fostered child will ultimately be returned to his or her birth family, at least, family reunification is very high on the agenda in my country. 

Have any of them done that rather than have a biological baby? If yes, fantastic work. If not, which I suspect is the usual scenario, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.


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## ladybird

Adoption, well there are lots of children who need loving parents, but it is not the same as being able to have a child who came from you.

My husband and I tried for over 12 years to get pregnant. never happened. I gave up trying. I was heartbroken, that is all i wanted in life and I couldn't have it.. While everyone else was having babies left and right. I would literly sit and cry every month and I did that for YEARS! WE couldn't afford IVF treatments at 10k a pop. I didn't feel like a woman. 

There are egg banks.. I would gladly give you one of my eggs if I could!! I know exactly how you feel.. 

You can try a surrogate i think they have agency's for things like that too...

Don't give up.. you will find a way to have your baby one way or the other =)


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## SimplyAmorous

Lyris said:


> Whenever people bring up the "why not foster/adopt an older child" I always wonder if they've done that. If they have any idea about the issues that adopting an older child can bring. Health issues, attachment issues, long-term ultimately unsolvable behavioural problems. Of facing the likelihood that a fostered child will ultimately be returned to his or her birth family, at least, family reunification is very high on the agenda in my country.


 No, I've never done it...

And it's like I said in my post a woman has *to grieve the loss of never having her own flesh & blood children before she even GOES THERE*... 

Me & my husband were looking into adoption about a year before we conceived... after a surgury (Laparoscopy that removed adhesions binding up my tubes) that should have allowed for pregnancy within 6 months...but still took another 2 dragged out years ...I was slowly loosing HOPE.......but I was* not ready* to adopt (at all) because I still desperately was hanging onto / Praying / Believing for our own ... I was only 29 so I felt we had TIME on our side....

So I never fully grieved that deep desire...but lets say this dragged on for another 4 yrs.... I might have been ready to revisit adoption & it's options...... I don't know...I will never know..... It's a process a woman has to go through. At that point in our life....I had no PEACE about adoption ....and I knew this... why we didn't go forth....but walked away... 

But again, I was only 29 yrs.... this woman is 40 plus.... she doesn't have the benefit of "TIME". 

I agree with you...the challenges of adopting an older waiting child could be astronomical...... it takes 2 very very special loving patient dedicated people to do this..... for some of the grave grave issues these kids face...



> Have any of them done that rather than have a biological baby? If yes, fantastic work. If not, which I suspect is the usual scenario, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about.


You're right, I don't know what I am talking about...I suppose this is as offending as people telling me to "just relax and it'll happen" when I was infertile... like that was the answer to remove the cob webs in my womb. They didn't know what they were talking about either. 

It is so very unfortunate these kids get dumped in life...like that and have to grow up like a broken discarded yo yo cause their parents are so screwed up to hell & back... This is why I'll never be against abortion personally, these rotten parents have too damn many rights...at the expense of these children.

Marilyn Monroe was a foster child. You just never know what you might get...

This is an alarming statistic....& maybe not even true....??


> The Connection Between Killers and Adoption
> 
> An incredible over-representation of serial killers are adoptees. [ The FBI estimates 500 serial killers currently in the U.S; about 30 or 16% have been identified as adoptees. Since adoptees represent only 2-3% (5-10-million) of the general population, 16% that are serial killers is an over representation compared to the general population.
> 
> Adoption as a potential contribution to the serial killer's motivation is fascinating because it creates two questions. The first one is that the biological parents may have left their child with defective genes....Finding out that one was adopted may also undermine the sense of identity in a fragile youth and make the child prone to fantasizing as identity of his "true" parents, either good or bad. Was the mother a prostitute? A nun? Was the father a gangster? A hero? And why did they "reject" their child?" (What Makes Serial Killers Tick? CrimeLibrary.com)


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## SimplyAmorous

ladybird said:


> * My husband and I tried for over 12 years to get pregnant. never happened. I gave up trying*. I was heartbroken, that is all i wanted in life and I couldn't have it.. While everyone else was having babies left and right. I would literly sit and cry every month and I did that for YEARS! WE couldn't afford IVF treatments at 10k a pop. I didn't feel like a woman.
> 
> There are egg banks.. I would gladly give you one of my eggs if I could!! I know exactly how you feel..


LadyBird, I am highly highly confused here.. you say "never happened" and I was just on your thread last night >> 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/71612-omg-you-kidding-me.html ....and you wasn't happy about this ..... so you gave up.... had one after 12 yrs.. then didn't want another at all? 



> You can try a surrogate i think they have agency's for things like that too...


 Check out >> Estimated Expenses of having a surrogate mother. One must be made of $$ for this...


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