# Please advise. Boyfriend has temper.



## Nee (Oct 11, 2010)

My boyfriend has a temper. Hes improved so much but still will explode at times. This morning at church i could tell he was getting angry while listening to the sermon. He always has somthing to argue about concerning what the pastor will talk about. I feel his breathing hard next to me and is getting worked up. He is very critical toward things. He doesnt believe jesus is the savior , nor the bible is true. He says such horrible things like he loves god but thinks christians are all hypocrites and the bible is bs. Oh there are some good things in it but we dont have to live by all it says. I know we all are sinners and no one is perfect. Yes all are hypcites but thats why we need christ to continue to try to clean up those areas whidh are unpleasing to god. He was in such a bad mood when we left the church parking lot and said some things to me in which my fiftenn year old said stop talking like crap to my mom. They got into a yelling match. I stayed calm and asked them to stop . My daughter was in a bad mood this morning anyway and they were both two emotionally venting. When we got home i said to my boyfriend i believe he is in alot of termoil and inside his soul hes in a battle. God is trying to reach him but satan doesnt want him to be in church and learn so hes messing with him emotionally. I dont normally talk so blunt but it is very evident hes in a battle. He told me to be quiet when i was talking... he never lets me say much before he interupt non stop. He put his hand over my mouth and said be quiet and let me talk. I was very calm the whole time but i told him to not put his hand over my mouth. He said he has to do that because i force him to due to me not be quiet. Mind you i was listening very much but wanted to say a few things. He said im not going untill i hear what he has to say. He covered my mouth again. I said take you hand off my mouth calmly again. Due to how he handled this i said i was not going to listen to him and left. I feel this is too controlling when he when rough with me. He blames me when he gets physical . He has been rough on me in the past but has gotten better. Am i in denial about his temper. I believe so much in him. He has a beautiful heart but i also believe if he doesnt allow jesus to rule in his heart he can not change. I love him so much but how much do i tolerant things. How long do i wait to see changes. Is it really possible for someone to not get physical once they have been someone who pushes , shoves, mandhandles , spits in the face and once put his hand on my neck lifting me off the floor. Its been over a years since hes been that rough but can a person stop entirely? Weve been going through a book called lOVE AND RESPECT. Even if we read this together. apply these thing to our relationship, we still dont believe spiritually the same . Its so important to me. What do i do? Im praying so much and trusting god to show me when i let go or to hang in there.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Your boyfriend honestly needs counseling. His anger has turned to bitterness--he needs professional help.

As far as church goes, perhaps it's time to change churches. I know I have felt as your boyfriend does while in some churches. There is nothing more emotionally draining and depressing than a negative sermon. I have actually left services when the ministers used the "hell and brimstone" approach. It's much more effective when the sermon is light and up-beat. And I don't know that this is a problem in your current church, but it's something to look at from his stand point.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

A good minister is important.

I do believe that the Bible is a great book for us to study. There is so much wisdom related to life in it. Proverbs has scriptures dealing with anger. I didn't benefit from religious meetings until I got serious reading the Bible myself. We don't have to live 100% according the Bible, but I do believe if our life is been restricted by Bible moral standards, our life is much safer and happier, we don't get ourselves into trouble. Nowadays so many people are bothered by so many things because they want their freedom. Casual sex is one of the biggest problems. 

I find a lot of Christians to be hypocrites too. But one day, I was thinking, in a class, there is one teacher, there are many students. Do you expect all the students to be the same level? No, the students are different, some of them are better, some of them are not that good. Do you need to be bothered by other students if they don't learn very well. No, it is their business. So same thing, in a church, we are surrounded by other imperfect human beings, but they work on themselves, we work on ourselves. 

Good luck!


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

He is your boyfriend, not husband. Why are you staying with someone who disagrees with you on such a profoundly important issue. He will not change, any amount of love or caring, or guiding is not going to either. Inner turmoil is sometimes Gods way of telling you it isnt right. With my ex husband God had to speak really loudly... to the tune of me being told I had an organ failure. Once I left the marriage, everything cleared up and then my son said Jesus visited his room telling him he will always know him and God. Talk about profound. God started giving me hints about that man before I got married, and I wasnt listening. Im not trying to say that is what is definitely going on, but from an outside perspective, you have a huge roadblock AND a non-excusable issue called ANGER. Do not ever dismiss anger while dating bc it will only get worse once you get married!

Best of luck and find someone you can share peace with, not teach peace to (it wont work).


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## *Ann* (Aug 26, 2010)

I have been in a similar situation. If he doesn't get some sort of help it could get worse. You say he has improved but, putting his hand over your mouth is not good and not acceptable. Whatever you do, don't marry him until he has had help. Once married it gets much worse. And if he doesn't get along with your kids. That would be a constant struggle. Are you willing to put up with that?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> A good minister is important.
> 
> I do believe that the Bible is a great book for us to study. There is so much wisdom related to life in it.


As does Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

If religious practice and belief is as important to you as your original post makes it appear, then being in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your passion is a prescription for disaster.

Just my pretty worthless opinion frankly, but I would move on.


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