# Newest developments in wife gone lesbian case.



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Long story short, cutting back to my post on ladies section about my partner leaving, then going lesbian. Our kids spent a week with her parents. When they got back, my oldest indicated my FIL said some harsh stuff about me to them. I took issue with that and called them out on it. 

Instead of this turning into a brawl, I think we both realized we are not cool with what my ex is doing, concerned, and they obviously don't have my side of this story. They invited me for dinner to smooth things out and answer questions. They want answers and apparently also do not approve of her new lifestyle. 

I am seeing some things with her new lesbian friend that mimics a 16yo boy IMO and not in a good way. Showing off and trying to impress my ex like crashing a motorcycle. Things I might have done in high school but grown out of. This girl is older than me. 38 IIRC. 

I have no idea what to expect here but I feel I need to man up and at least have a good chat with the in-laws. I am nervous as hell because we have never really sat and talked EVER but I guess better late than never. If nothing else, set some ground rules for our boys.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well then I guess it's time that you do man up and talk to them. Tell them the truth as non-judgmentally as you can.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I am not yet sure what to say and how to say it. I really do think they believe I gave up and quit on her! I sent them a long email trying to explain. I don't think my MIL even fully knows how bad my ex is damaged from emotional abuse by another step dad of hers.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do they know that she's now decided that she's lesbian and has abandoned your marriage?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

She decided to take her new friend out to her parents place for the 4th! I wish I could have been there just to see the looks on people's faces! My ex is very girly. I can tell my MIL is not handling it that well. 

I guess this could also mean my ex was a lesbian from the start and finally coming out. However, I can nearly guarantee it will not work out!! For one, the butch smokes like a chimney and I know my ex just hates smoke. If I was even around it, she could smell it. Just one of the many reasons I think my ex has flipped her lid. Once the high wears off, I don't think there will be much to keep that together but who am I to judge lesbians. I just know several and I don't know one that can keep something together.

My best friend's sister went lesbian and got married. It lasted 4 DAYS!! Her new partner bailed!


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't know if it'll work out or not but that's not really something you should focus on. You've split up, now she's free to date whoever she wants. The only way it concerns you is if it's somehow harmful to your kids. 

Don't get onto the gossip train about her, especially not with her parents. Let them know the facts about the breakup but stay out of her current life imo.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

breeze said:


> I don't know if it'll work out or not but that's not really something you should focus on. You've split up, now she's free to date whoever she wants. The only way it concerns you is if it's somehow harmful to your kids.
> 
> Don't get onto the gossip train about her, especially not with her parents. Let them know the facts about the breakup but stay out of her current life imo.


This is the way to go. Keep it to the facts with her parents and nothing more. Blood is still thicker than water.

My ex jumped ship and decided to try going out with woman. The first was similar to what you describe, thank goodness that did not last. The current one is actually pretty nice and is very good with my kids. They have been together for several years now.

You can't control your stbx or her decisions. All you can do is live your life and protect your kids. It was hard for me to accept that my ex wanted to be with women more than me, more of a pride thing I guess. 

Here we are a few years later and things are good. The ex and I have a good relationship with respect to the kids. We both have our own stable relationships and are doing well. Stop focusing on the lesbian aspect and focus more on your kids and trying to develop a working relationship with your ex. You are going to have to deal with her for several more years.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I figured I might start by opening the floor to their questions so I can figure out where to go. If they ask, I will tell but I agree, digging on my ex probably won't be received well. 

I get the feeling they are really confused with her new direction in relationships I think they might be surprised to learn she had some very bad experiences growing up that may have changed her direction.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> I figured I might start by opening the floor to their questions so I can figure out where to go. If they ask, I will tell but I agree, digging on my ex probably won't be received well.
> 
> I get the feeling they are really confused with her new direction in relationships I think they might be surprised to learn she had some very bad experiences growing up that may have changed her direction.


I like the idea of letting them lead with their questions.

You say that it was a stepfather who harmed her? I presume that this guy is not around anymore? is he?

Has your ex told her mother about that happened?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Yeah, I have never met the abusing stepfather and probably a really good thing. 

I honestly doubt her family really knows how traumatized she still is over it. If anything good comes of it, I might be able to get her closer to her parents by helping them to understand how desperate she is for affection from her family. 

What has always irritated me is my ex sort of acted like she had attitude t to see how I hug my family. Even my dad hugged her more than her own mother. Actually, I have never seen them hug!

I don't intend to dig much into this unless they ask but I think it is important they realize how much she needs affection right now. Her real dad passed a few years ago and she is still hurting about all that. 

My ex is SUPER sensitive to any anger or loud man voices and I have both. I know my ex very well and I sincerely believe she still desires a man more but a woman makes her feel more at ease right now. I am 95% certain her little fling right now will not last very long. 

I think more than anything, my ex step parents can see some destructive behaviors in my ex that are not healthy. My ex is reasoning right now that she needs to be a free spirit, yada, yada but I know some of the things she really likes, she will never get with this woman like a real bear hug. It sounds superficial but she has commented about how our heights match up well and she melts with a real hug and feels safe. Her new fling is like 4" shorter than her, smokes like a chimney, and acts like she is on testosterone shots with her childish behaviors trying to impress my ex.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If I were you I'd say as little as you can about the ex-stepfather and the harm he did to your exw if the current stepfather is in the conversation. Her mother will most likely become too defensive about this and the conversation will go down hill from there.

Your exw has to handle her own demons how. Your issue with her parents should be to improve your relationship with them as much as you can so that they do not do things like tell your children bad things about you.

And if this relationship does not improve, just take time to teach your kids that their grandparents are not aware of all thing in your marriage and that they should not be bad mouthing you to them(your children).


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## Brafdor (Jan 27, 2014)

ele - agreed


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