# Mental Help



## Gbmhgbmh (Apr 4, 2013)

My wife and I are separating. She is very intent on getting a divorce. Thats not my issue. My issue is, after she dropped the bomb, I found evidence of an emotional affair. I confronted her about it, and she finally gave in after about an hour. She claims nothing happened. That she was in love with him for about a year, but is now getting over him. The real problem, I understand I have no control over the situation. She wants a divorce, I am not going to change her feeling for me, but... I have become obsessed with looking at my cell phone records. She works with this guy, which makes it even worse. I have seen the volume of text message decrease, but today, I saw a text to him followed by a 26 minute phone conversation. We are still married. It is killing me to think that she is not women enough and does not have the decency to admit to me that she is having an affair. She know show I feel about it, yet it is being thrown in my face. The conflicting part is, she is not a vicious or malicious person, she is a great mom, she has great qualities, but she seems to be obsessed with him. She left he email open the other day, and i notice she basically deletes all sent and incoming messages from all but relatives. One sent message was just a link to your love is my drug from kesha. and a reply from her friend saying Good lord..You need an intervention. Yes, I am wrong for snooping, but I am obsessed with finding the truth. I wish she would just tell me the truth. I need advise on how to let go. I want to tell her to get her own phone. I want to stop caring, but I cant. Help Please.


----------



## FindingMyself (Apr 25, 2013)

I understand how you feel. My husband recently ended an emotional affair. I kept having the feeling something was not right, but whenever I tried to voice it, he would get angry with me. I have problems with anxiety, so I tried to convince myself that was the issue. It wasn't until I finally decided I needed to know the truth that I ended up snooping and getting to the bottom of things. It was probably a good thing that it all came out, but now that trust is all but gone, it's hard to stop.

One thing my individual counselor told me is to try thinking about making decisions for myself and about myself rather than constantly being in reactive mode. You have to decide whether you want to work on the marriage and yourself or not. One thing my marriage counselor made clear was the relationship either had to end or be completely out in the open, meaning I had to meet the OW with him and he had to tell her if she was going to be his friend she had to be my friend too and I was welcome anytime the two of them got together. He elected to end it a couple of weeks ago. I confess I'm still in check-up mode and probably will be for a bit longer, but I know I need to stop and start working on restoring trust on my end. I don't know if that's helpful at all. Just know I understand your feelings and wish you only the best in getting things back on track.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Gbmhgbmh said:


> My wife and I are separating. She is very intent on getting a divorce. Thats not my issue. My issue is, after she dropped the bomb, I found evidence of an emotional affair. I confronted her about it, and she finally gave in after about an hour. She claims nothing happened. That she was in love with him for about a year, but is now getting over him. The real problem, I understand I have no control over the situation. She wants a divorce, I am not going to change her feeling for me, but... I have become obsessed with looking at my cell phone records. She works with this guy, which makes it even worse. I have seen the volume of text message decrease, but today, I saw a text to him followed by a 26 minute phone conversation. We are still married. It is killing me to think that she is not women enough and does not have the decency to admit to me that she is having an affair. She know show I feel about it, yet it is being thrown in my face. The conflicting part is, she is not a vicious or malicious person, she is a great mom, she has great qualities, but she seems to be obsessed with him. She left he email open the other day, and i notice she basically deletes all sent and incoming messages from all but relatives. One sent message was just a link to your love is my drug from kesha. and a reply from her friend saying Good lord..You need an intervention. Yes, I am wrong for snooping, but I am obsessed with finding the truth. I wish she would just tell me the truth. I need advise on how to let go. I want to tell her to get her own phone. I want to stop caring, but I cant. Help Please.


A great mom does not do these things.


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Get yourself some professional individual counseling(IC). I cannot tell you how much they will help but you look forward to each meeting to blow off steam and get some rational advice.

I know you are hurting badly. Most of us here know exactly how deep and crippling it is. That said, we FIGHT our way through with the help of loving, caring, family and friends (and friends on TAM) supporting us on our rollercoaster.

Good luck,
Stretch


----------

