# my mood depends entirely on my partners mood...



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Anyone else get this?

I've noticed that when my wife is in a bad mood it makes me in a bad mood. When shes in a good mood, I'm in a good mood.

Its sort of as if I worry that its my fault if my wife is in a bad mood.

Anyone else get this? I realise its not right to be like this - any tips?


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I may be wrong here, but I think that is a sign of codependency.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Heard of that. Thought that was more to do with when the other person was addicted to something...


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

psychocandy said:


> Heard of that. Thought that was more to do with when the other person was addicted to something...


you are correct..the codependency terminology was developed around alcohol abuse...careful with accepting the label...google "codependency movement is killing marriage" an take heed.


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## subwife (Jan 2, 2009)

I can feel the same sometimes too. Not always, but there are days.................


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## stepmomandwife08 (Nov 18, 2008)

Been there,done that...I don't think its a bad thing...


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

psychocandy said:


> Anyone else get this?
> 
> I've noticed that when my wife is in a bad mood it makes me in a bad mood. When shes in a good mood, I'm in a good mood.
> 
> ...


anxiety due to feeling the need to please your spouse is, as it was presented to me, a self esteem problem. i know that isn't the whole answer, but maybe it will help your focus...check out "ten days to self esteem" by burns.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Aye. Got a few self-esteem books. Not got the Burns one but do have his other famous book !!!


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## venussky (Aug 4, 2008)

I completely understand a person's mood reflecting their partner's mood. My husband is under a lot of pressure lately due to a failing economy.... difficulty in making our mortgage, etc. and so he is always (it seems) in a horrible mood. Unfortunately, being one's spouse, puts you in the "safe zone" of people to be yourself around. This often makes me the target and I am often emotionally and mentally abused. Once his mood has changed mine from happy or neutral to then upset, hurt or angry, H just can't understand why I am suddenly upset. I am then every name in the book for snapping at him or being upset. I wonder if there is a way to show him that his mood helps create the mood in which I am in? When I point out to him that his behavior has made me act out in the way that I have, he curses and storms off. I'm thisclose to leaving him to his own sorry self...... hehe. Any suggestions from men on how to solve this? I know that he probably feels justified in being mean and angry all the time...but you shouldn't take it out on the one you "love".


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## jennifer22009 (Sep 19, 2009)

i even can be not in a good mood when my husband isnt he in a good mood , and i dont like him to be in a bad mood at all !!
when he is happy i am happy !


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## Goodsport (Oct 4, 2009)

Wow. Does this describe me, psychocandy. People can treat me like crap or whatever, but if my husband treats me badly, I go into depression. My mood is totally dependent on his. I'm 37 years old. I don't think if my issue is self esteem that any book or any quick fix guide will help me. I think I'm pretty much screwed. So other than trying some book that can't help me, there's nothing I can do apparently.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

It's normal for this to happen.. As you are supposed to be one with your partner. Her or his accomplisments and failures are yours as well.. You feel them cause you are connected with them.. It's not a bad thing per say but if it continues bad then it could be.. As that could lead to depression..


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

There's a difference between empathy and codependence though.

They say codependence is when you take someone else's temperature to figure out how you feel.


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

This happens to us too.....

So what can we do about it?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I think it helps, first of all, to recognize it. And then it helps to realize that you do your partner absolutely no good by not being separate from them in terms of your mood stability, when they are down. Afterall, if you aren't there to try to raise them up when they are down, who will do it? 

People love those that make them feel good about themselves. So while it is nice to have someone understand how you feel (empathy), it is nicer to have someone who not only understands how you feel, but is in a position to help you feel better.

If you think about it, codependents are ripe for affairs because the need to feel better is not being met.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Funnily enough I read a book recently about codependence. I dont think I'm quite there by the sounds but obviously do have some issues etc.


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## cressfromhell (Nov 19, 2008)

I have that same problem with my wife. I am always happy and sometimes she is sad. If it's not work, it her dealing with the emptyness of her mother passing away at a young age. I feel bad for her. Every special occasion is always bitter sweet. Christmas, thanksgiving, our marriage, soon to be birth of child, all without her only parent. I gues you have to try to be strong enuff for the both of you.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

yes my mood does depend on h his depends on mine i dont see it as codependant if you come home and the kids runnin wild the pets are tracking mud the phone is just ringin food burin up the kitchen i bet you would walk right back out the door now your mood is changed we always have been told dont just throw the crying baby at him let h decompress so spouses mood does affect and change your mental
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I don't think it has to do with being codependent. 

People send negative or positive energies to those around them which may or may not affect the other person and it doesn't necessarily have to be your wife or husband. It can be a mother, child, sibling even your neighbor or co worker.

It has to do with how much _you let_ others affect or influence you and your mood. It has to do with how in control you are of your own emotions, which isn't always easy. 

I mean we all get pretty sad when watching a sad drama, some people may even cry (some sob) or laugh and get happy when watching a comedy, and it doesn't mean we are codependent.


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## crazyinlove (Nov 20, 2010)

In the words of the great Brandon Flowers " I dont shine if you dont shine "


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

crazyinlove said:


> In the words of the great Brandon Flowers " I dont shine if you dont shine "


yes absolutley!!! its only natural to pick up on moods. the best part about love is picking them up when they are down, and same for you. just knowing therre is a understanding person they can vent to, tell about a funny day at work, goes a long way toward happiness.


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## LFC (Jul 14, 2010)

I find this can sometimes happen with my wife but I find sometimes If I ignore her moods she soon comes out of them


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## Crystal22 (Sep 23, 2011)

How do you cope when you are happy but your partner is down at that time?


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

cherrypie18 said:


> I don't think it has to do with being codependent.
> 
> People send negative or positive energies to those around them which may or may not affect the other person and it doesn't necessarily have to be your wife or husband. It can be a mother, child, sibling even your neighbor or co worker.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

dobo said:


> Afterall, if you aren't there to try to raise them up when they are down, who will do it?
> 
> People love those that make them feel good about themselves. So while it is nice to have someone understand how you feel (empathy), it is nicer to have someone who not only understands how you feel, but is in a position to help you feel better.


You should try to raise them up if they are down, that's part of the deal and it should go both ways. Often one will provide support, but when it's the other way around it's just another kick while you are down.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

StrongEnough said:


> I may be wrong here, but I think that is a sign of codependency.


Yes, it is. 

Read "Co-dependency No More"

I had to read it years ago regarding my mother.


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