# Husband turned me on and then left me high and dry



## HarleyKarp777 (Mar 15, 2021)

Cannot believe this has happened. So we’re just fooling around in bed and, my husband being quite coy, I picked up the usual signs that he’s good to go. Bearing in mind we 
‘Do the deed’ once a month, I’ll happily take what I can get. He’s playing with my boobs, then tickles me and back to boobs, etc etc. I say enough with the tickling and he just stops altogether. He then carries on chatting away as if nothing has happened, I tell him he’s giving mixed signals and I ask if I’ve done something. He says I’ve done nothing at all  gives me his usual smile and cuddle and then falls asleep cuddling me... but IM FUMING. Why should he get to play with me like that?! I’m gutted that he didn’t want me, I feel so dejected and unloved. But I’m also so pissed that he did that.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> Cannot believe this has happened. So we’re just fooling around in bed and, my husband being quite coy, I picked up the usual signs that he’s good to go. Bearing in mind we
> ‘Do the deed’ once a month, I’ll happily take what I can get. He’s playing with my boobs, then tickles me and back to boobs, etc etc. I say enough with the tickling and he just stops altogether. He then carries on chatting away as if nothing has happened, I tell him he’s giving mixed signals and I ask if I’ve done something. He says I’ve done nothing at all  gives me his usual smile and cuddle and then falls asleep cuddling me... but IM FUMING. Why should he get to play with me like that?! I’m gutted that he didn’t want me, I feel so dejected and unloved. But I’m also so pissed that he did that.


I don’t think he’s sending you mixed signals, he’s sending you a very direct signal. What happened that you are intimate only once a month? That isn’t natural. I can’t help but think there is an underlying problem here. Have you had trouble in the past? There has to be a reason why intimacy is so infrequent and on top of that he can start a rare instance of intimacy and stop like that?


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I did something sort of like that once. I was being playful / physical like that with her and she said, "stop" so I did. She informed me that when she said that she usually meant, "try harder" and I was on no account to actually stop unless she was actually pissed at me.

The only time that I've thought about doing something like that for real was a period where I was getting turned down a lot more than when my advances were being accepted or when I had put in a lot of effort to be romantic or woo her and didn't get any positive response. I never went through with it but the resentment and the thought of showing her what it was like to look forward to something only to be denied did appeal to me for a brief period.

I would find it difficult to believe that there weren't some serious unresolved issues that you two need to work out.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Sounds like he's just not all that into you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> Cannot believe this has happened. So we’re just fooling around in bed and, my husband being quite coy, I picked up the usual signs that he’s good to go. Bearing in mind we
> ‘Do the deed’ once a month, I’ll happily take what I can get. He’s playing with my boobs, then tickles me and back to boobs, etc etc. I say enough with the tickling and he just stops altogether. He then carries on chatting away as if nothing has happened, I tell him he’s giving mixed signals and I ask if I’ve done something. He says I’ve done nothing at all  gives me his usual smile and cuddle and then falls asleep cuddling me... but IM FUMING. Why should he get to play with me like that?! I’m gutted that he didn’t want me, I feel so dejected and unloved. But I’m also so pissed that he did that.


Communicate. That is the only way you fix this.


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## HarleyKarp777 (Mar 15, 2021)

Hiner112 said:


> I did something sort of like that once. I was being playful / physical like that with her and she said, "stop" so I did. She informed me that when she said that she usually meant, "try harder" and I was on no account to actually stop unless she was actually pissed at me.
> 
> The only time that I've thought about doing something like that for real was a period where I was getting turned down a lot more than when my advances were being accepted or when I had put in a lot of effort to be romantic or woo her and didn't get any positive response. I never went through with it but the resentment and the thought of showing her what it was like to look forward to something only to be denied did appeal to me for a brief period.
> 
> I would find it difficult to believe that there weren't some serious unresolved issues that you two need to work out.


It has been like this for literally years. We’ve been together for nine years, and six of them he has had a very low sex drive. He believes it is his autism, as a low libido is common with autism and getting older in men.


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## HarleyKarp777 (Mar 15, 2021)

Trident said:


> Sounds like he's just not all that into you.


This is the most unhelpful thing you could put.


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## HarleyKarp777 (Mar 15, 2021)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I don’t think he’s sending you mixed signals, he’s sending you a very direct signal. What happened that you are intimate only once a month? That isn’t natural. I can’t help but think there is an underlying problem here. Have you had trouble in the past? There has to be a reason why intimacy is so infrequent and on top of that he can start a rare instance of intimacy and stop like that?


He says there isn’t a reason. He still finds me very attractive (so he says) and visibly gets attracted at least once a day! But ‘just doesn’t feel like it’ it’s infuriating. He has autism so we’ve looked into it and believe it could be a low libido based on that, as it’s very common in older autistic males. 
I have no idea why he stopped, he’s never done it before. That’s why it’s so confusing to me,because he’s genuinely a nice, caring husband. So why?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> It has been like this for literally years. We’ve been together for nine years, and six of them he has had a very low sex drive.* He believes it is his autism,* as a low libido is common with autism and getting older in men.


There is your 'likely' answer.

A good answer should not result in anger on your part.
We are our chemistry.

Disappointment, yes.

We are what we are, and he has a low sexual drive. 
And, I assume low key everywhere else?

Give him a break, or leave him for a more compatible man.

I suppose you can take him to your Urologist and get him some testosterone shots.
Once on them for any length of time, he will then need to take them forever, after that.
A man's body shuts off its own supply when supplements are given.

I do not know if this therapy is permitted or popular in the UK?

That should perk him up, but it may make him short tempered.
Always a trade off, eh?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> He believes it is his autism, as a low libido is common with autism and getting older in men.


I think you have your answer here?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> I say enough with the tickling and he just stops altogether.


Could this be the problem?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

If my wife said to me "...enough with the...", I would stop too.

Your husband seems to have a low drive, I agree with that. @SunCMars has the right advice on that one. I am not familiar with the relationship between autism and low libido, but a qualified doctor will be and can help you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

What may have happened that one time perhaps could have been corrected by a clear short sentence telling him to continue, you want PIV to continue. 

It seems possible very clear short sentences saying you want sex, may help. All in good spirits, pleasant, positive tone of voice, just clear, so you know there was no chance of misunderstanding, in each exchange. 

It's easy for non autistic folk to be on track and one remark perceived incorrectly can derail a sexual encounter. If any form of autistic traits are involved the derailment chance is amplified. I'm sure you already know this.

Add to this the concept that some men just want their spouse to be clear to them when W wants sex, and clear (very clear) communication can yield positive results. 

👍👍🙂🙂🙂 press on!!


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## 00buck (Jun 2, 2016)

First of all I can’t stand be tickled so I get you there.

My ? Is where and what were your hands doing during the foreplay session? 

A woman’s hands playing with his manhood while he plays goes a long way in my book by showing mutual interest in what’s about to go down. 


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You did tell him to stop and he stopped. Not sure what you expected.


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## Golden Age (May 17, 2020)

If you wanted him to continue then you needed to respond positively, not tell him to stop! People with autism often take things literally.
Communicate more and take the initiative yourself otherwise your sex life will continue just as it is.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Men are told now when a woman sez stop! you damn well better stop if you know what's good for you.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> This is the most unhelpful thing you could put.


Not true. I can be even less helpful.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

HarleyKarp777 said:


> It has been like this for literally years. We’ve been together for nine years, and six of them he has had a very low sex drive. He believes it is his autism, as a low libido is common with autism and getting older in men.


Don't people on the spectrum struggle with emotional intelligence (EQ)?

It sounds like you are frustrated he did not recognize a situation in which a touch of EQ would have made a HUGE difference. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## biker.survivor (Mar 23, 2021)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I don’t think he’s sending you mixed signals, he’s sending you a very direct signal. What happened that you are intimate only once a month? That isn’t natural. I can’t help but think there is an underlying problem here. Have you had trouble in the past? There has to be a reason why intimacy is so infrequent and on top of that he can start a rare instance of intimacy and stop like that?


Oh oh he decoverd he has the same evil power as A woman. This is not funny this A symptom of trauma either experience or current relationship. This is not A tease. It's time to go to work on your relationship. This one you can't talk out. It's A consistent time together as friends and lovers thing. Seriously


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

biker.survivor said:


> Oh oh he decoverd he has the same evil power as A woman. This is not funny this A symptom of trauma either experience or current relationship. This is not A tease. It's time to go to work on your relationship. This one you can't talk out. It's A consistent time together as friends and lovers thing. Seriously


Seriously?


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