# No sex with STBX for 2.5 years and NOW he wants me after he cheated?



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

We are in the middle of a divorce and he has been sleeping on the couch for 2 months since I found about about his affair and I filed for divorce on June 26th.
He cheated on me a year ago with one of my best friends and when I found out I told him after 13 years of marriage I couldn't put up with the lack of trust and since he had E.D. problems and we didn't have sex for over 2.5 years and then he tries to seek it outside the marriage I was devastated.
So since the divorce filing he has approached me twice for sex. While it was surprising since he actually initiated it and started with kissing which we haven't done in nearly 2 years and cuddling afterwards even though the first session was a bit rushed and the second one lasted longer, I am thinking is this hysterical bonding? HE is the one who had the affair and HE is coming to my bedroom being loving and attentive. 
The divorce is still proceeding and neither of us want reconciliation. 
Just to clarify, I am NOT going to turn down sex with my spouse after I have gone without for 2.5 years as I am looking at it as getting my physical needs met and no words of love are spoken from either of us.


----------



## tribesman (Aug 17, 2013)

Sounds like a sound plan. Maybe the sex could lead to R?


----------



## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

You go girl !!!!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

don'tmesswithtexas said:


> We are in the middle of a divorce and he has been sleeping on the couch for 2 months since I found about about his affair and I filed for divorce on June 26th.
> He cheated on me a year ago with one of my best friends and when I found out I told him after 13 years of marriage I couldn't put up with the lack of trust and since he had E.D. problems and we didn't have sex for over 2.5 years and then he tries to seek it outside the marriage I was devastated.
> So since the divorce filing he has approached me twice for sex. While it was surprising since he actually initiated it and started with kissing which we haven't done in nearly 2 years and cuddling afterwards even though the first session was a bit rushed and the second one lasted longer, I am thinking is this hysterical bonding? HE is the one who had the affair and HE is coming to my bedroom being loving and attentive.
> The divorce is still proceeding and neither of us want reconciliation.
> Just to clarify, I am NOT going to turn down sex with my spouse after I have gone without for 2.5 years as I am looking at it as getting my physical needs met and no words of love are spoken from either of us.


*
Please use protection. Just in case.*


----------



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

Protection for sure and we cannot have more kids so no worries there. Too bad they don't make a protective device from getting emotions and your heart tangled up. He knows I still love him but he knows I am set on divorce. I do wonder if he is trying to soften me up to make the settlement negotiations between our attorneys more agreeable to his wishlist.  Maybe he is thinking he will actually miss me but then again maybe he just wants sex for a release and it helps him sleep better after tossing and turning on the couch night after night. He gets to enjoy the queen sized bed again and cuddling afterwards. LOL


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Enjoy yourself but know that should you decide to R there is a decent chance he'll go right back to the way he was. An affair with someone so close to you tells you a lot about him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't know if I'd read an awful lot into it. He's a guy. You're female and there. Who else is he going to approach for sex? I'd pay a lot more attention to his behavior when he's not obviously trying to get laid.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

don'tmesswithtexas said:


> Protection for sure and we cannot have more kids so no worries there. Too bad they don't make a protective device from getting emotions and your heart tangled up. He knows I still love him but he knows I am set on divorce. I do wonder if he is trying to soften me up to make the settlement negotiations between our attorneys more agreeable to his wishlist.  Maybe he is thinking he will actually miss me but then again maybe he just wants sex for a release and it helps him sleep better after tossing and turning on the couch night after night. He gets to enjoy the queen sized bed again and cuddling afterwards. LOL


Maybe he woke up to what he had done?:scratchhead:


----------



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Maybe he woke up to what he had done?:scratchhead:


I thought the first time he approached me it was "apology sex" but then being asked again I am just puzzled. He is NOT acting any differently outside the bedroom so I am thinking it is just physical release but it still makes me wonder WTF after NOT having sex with me for 2.5 years and who knows if he cheated with one or more women? Why not just go find another one instead of using me when he is in favor of the divorce? I truly thought I would have to wait for the divorce to be finalized and then go find some rebound sex to finally get physical intimacy again. 
I have no clue what STBX is thinking.


----------



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

Have you asked him why sex all of a sudden?

Also, being the curious person I am... an affair with your Best friend?!?! How did you handle her? I'm assuming you guys aren't bffs anymore.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If I knew I was heading for a divorce, I wouldn't be out drumming up new evidence with other women for my wife to use against me in court. If I needed sexual release and she was still game, I'd ride her like a stolen mule. Sometimes, deciding on a divorce takes a lot of the pressure and resentment out of the equation and two folks can feel free to just live in the moment and knock boots till the cows come home. If he were trying to woo you out of a divorce, I'd expect to see a real effort outside the bedroom. You haven't seen that, so I suspect you're hot and he's horny. He may also be feeling a natural amount of stress and you know how guys deal with stress. We screw it away.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm a little surprised when a woman tries to figure out why a guy wants to have sex with her. We like sex. Nobody wonders why a tiger expresses interest in a steak.


----------



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

The BFF got told off and I had the horrible pain/pleasure of telling her husband about her affair. Her family is intact as they have 3 grade school kids. 

I am wondering WTF he wants sex with ME when it sure as heck wasn't an option for the past 2.5 years. But I am pretty sure your response about taking the animosity out of the equation about being found out and the divorce is filed and why not ride what you have? LOL No offense taken and yes I still have a decent body at age 42.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why not? You said it yourself. It's just going to get the emotions tangled up again, and if you're serious about moving on without him, it's just going to complicate things. For me personally, I'd rather go without for a bit longer or look for someone new. But whatever works for you!

C


----------



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

PBear said:


> Why not? You said it yourself. It's just going to get the emotions tangled up again, and if you're serious about moving on without him, it's just going to complicate things. For me personally, I'd rather go without for a bit longer or look for someone new. But whatever works for you!
> 
> C


I am being as careful as possible not to show any emotion or weakness as he knows I still love him. Sex for gratification can be done and I am rather enjoying the fact he is coming to ME for it and I almost want to turn him down but I am will take the last few benefits of the marital relationship he is offering before a judge signs off on paperwork in the next few months.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

don'tmesswithtexas said:


> We are in the middle of a divorce and he has been sleeping on the couch for 2 months since I found about about his affair and I filed for divorce on June 26th.
> He cheated on me a year ago with one of my best friends and when I found out I told him after 13 years of marriage I couldn't put up with the lack of trust and since he had E.D. problems and we didn't have sex for over 2.5 years and then he tries to seek it outside the marriage I was devastated.
> So since the divorce filing he has approached me twice for sex. While it was surprising since he actually initiated it and started with kissing which we haven't done in nearly 2 years and cuddling afterwards even though the first session was a bit rushed and the second one lasted longer, I am thinking is this hysterical bonding? HE is the one who had the affair and HE is coming to my bedroom being loving and attentive.
> The divorce is still proceeding and neither of us want reconciliation.
> Just to clarify, I am NOT going to turn down sex with my spouse after I have gone without for 2.5 years as I am looking at it as getting my physical needs met and no words of love are spoken from either of us.


Are you filing for divorce based on adultery? If you are not, you should be. Your alimony settlement could be a lot stronger if you do.

Of course if he can get you to have sex with him then your adultery claim could become null and void. Having sex with an adulterous spouse after you know about the adultery means that have accepted his adultery. 

Yes he might very well be doing this to improve the divorce outcome in his favor.


----------



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

Yes, I filed based on adultery. But it doesn't have a lot of weight here in Texas courtrooms unfortunately and spousal support is not a huge factor.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

don'tmesswithtexas said:


> Yes, I filed based on adultery. But it doesn't have a lot of weight here in Texas courtrooms unfortunately and spousal support is not a huge factor.


Just realize that you are making that part of your filing null and void.


----------



## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

I don't think he is thinking that far ahead but the only thing it would do it knock spousal off the negotiations list and that was a long shot option in settlement.
I cannot see him running to his attorney saying he climbed back in the marital bed when he lied to her about WHY the divorce was filed due to his adultery.
:rofl:


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

In my state, if you have sex with a cheating spouse after you are aware of the cheating, the law regards the infidelity as having been forgiven. It's no longer possible after that to file for divorce on grounds of adultery. 

Be careful here. Your spouse lied to you and betrayed you in a huge way. That he might now be trying for a win-win for himself by not only getting sex for free, but also rendering your adultery claim invalid in court, shouldn't really be out of the question. I also wouldn't be surprised if he would talk about it with his attorney or even testify to it in court. Clearly he actually is capable of being that much of a [email protected] After all, he slept with your best friend.


----------



## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

In my state, regardless of reason for filing, if you have sex with your spouse after proceedings have been initiated, it nullifies everything and you have to re-file.


----------

