# If I could get a woman's perspective...



## VCKid1982 (Dec 28, 2015)

I have been separated from my wife for 2 & 1/2 months and I am trying to see if there is any spark left in us to ignite to see if this relationship can even possibly be saved! The thing is, I'm trying... I really am but I just feels like she is completely done with me or maybe we are done with each other!!! I don't know, I kinda want to make things work cuz I don't believe we are completely done but she is so mean and condescending when I'm around her and insists I have an ager problem...

I am not blameless in our relationship, I think she is a workaholic and I had lost interest in our sex life or lack there of heading into our separation. I didn't want to separate; it just felt like the only thing I could do because the fighting was so bad and I didn't want our 4 year old son to see Mommy and Daddy yelling at each other. So, I split and I got an apartment across the street... I even went on a few dates which was part of our separation agreement and I got intimate on one of those dates... Sure, people will say it is cheating and maybe it was but when you havent had sex in so long and you feel like another person is just belittling you constantly (right or wrong) sometimes you do things! 

To be fair she had an emotional affair at work with one of her co-workers and I didnt flip out on her the way she flipped out on me... The main reason I am writing this post is there is still obviously a lot of anger in her and Im at a point in my life where I would kind of like to know where this is headed... However, I see it in her eyes... She is just not at a point where she wants to be around me or happy with me... She is at a point where she needs to be angry with me right now for whatever reason... As I'm writing this I realize I should just give her space but the frustrating thing is she still wants to be around me and be a kind of mean-spirited person... I decided, when I'm not around her... Hey maybe a date night would help and that night is tonight and I am immediately regretting it... I'm just gonna go and try to have fun and she will do the same but I already now she will be staring daggers at me and trying to keep up her hatred for me... Look, I probably need to allow her space and time just to be away from me... Still, there is an insistence on us being around each other and making each other miserable because it feels like happiness is always behind that last ounce of misery... It may be for a second but it rarely lasts and usually leads to anger and screaming... >>>
What do you guys think? Can I give her space and at the same time hold out the possibility of us getting back together? If we are both truly in the grieving process of our relationship; how is it possible that we could be back together in a few months? Finally, the anger will not go away sometimes it feels like the third person in our relationship... My wife, myself and the anger... It's palpable and impossible to control at this point and I'm meditating like a Son of a *****... Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated particularly a woman's viewpoint...


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

So, your focus is completely on her. What are you doing for you?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Let me ask you this.... if you didn't have a child with this woman, would you be wanting to reconcile? 

I have two young kids under 6 and ending my marriage was the hardest thing ever. But only because we had two kids that I hated to change their world upside down. But I couldn't stay just for them, it wasn't fair to them or us. I was in a completely sexless marriage, no sex for the last 5 yrs out of our 8yrs married. It was a sham of a marriage and we were never more than roommates. 

My ex would get upset and yell as well. She went to therapy after we separated and she claims it fixed her. I do see changes in her but it was too little too late. I think she got diagnosed with a personality disorder but she never told me upfront.


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## vcuevas888 (May 1, 2016)

VCKid1982 why not consult or talk to a marriage counselor, both of you.

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## vcuevas888 (May 1, 2016)

VCKid1982 talk to your wife. Offer her the promise of your love. Marriage as a covenant and as a commitment should be considered. 

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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I divorced my first husband many years ago. He begged me back, we remarried and I can say that it was much worse in the second marriage. I had felt guilty so I went back thinking that I just needed to try harder. You can't try harder with someone who does not have the best intentions themselves. If you think it is possible I would highly suggest you both seek a marriage counselor.


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## gilx (May 1, 2016)

I hate to say this but I went through the similar thing myself so I believe once something as broken you can never repair it no matter how much space you guys have...

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## VCKid1982 (Dec 28, 2015)

Meditation and seeking my own therapy!


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## VCKid1982 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero: What I meant is I am trying meditation and my own therapy for myself...

vcuevas888: We tried a couple family therapy sessions with not good results and now we are seeking indvidual therapy to see if getting back together is possible, then if we rule that getting back together is possible we will take another hack at Marriage Counseling...

AVR1962: I hear you on the marriage counseling thing and after our own therapy if we decide to try and stay together, I would like to engage in marriage therapy with her...

Thanks for all the responses...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She is DONE. Let it go.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

VCKid1982 said:


> ReturntoZero: What I meant is I am trying meditation and my own therapy for myself...


Your poll question indicates a different approach may be necessary.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

VCKid1982 said:


> ReturntoZero: What I meant is I am trying meditation and my own therapy for myself...
> 
> vcuevas888: We tried a couple family therapy sessions with not good results and now we are seeking indvidual therapy to see if getting back together is possible, then if we rule that getting back together is possible we will take another hack at Marriage Counseling...
> 
> ...


Just remember that you will never be able to go back to how it once was. I think so many times when something hurtful comes up in any relationship and people try to move forward the relationship has undergone a change and it cannot be like it was before. We do keep hoping but we have to be realistic also.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

It does not sound good, my friend. Her heart is not into reconciliation and you alone cannot affect change. Do the 180 HARD for your own survival and do no accept any more of her vitriol.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

AVR1962 said:


> Just remember that you will never be able to go back to how it once was.


This is actually a GOOD thing.


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