# Days before separation...what to do



## s1979j (Dec 16, 2012)

So my wife and I have had issues and she needs a little space for a week. 

The week apart will begin next week, yes during Holidays. We have to discuss specifics yet.

I am pretty emotional the last few days and seem to have it under control as time goes by now. 

I have read about 180 and started implementing it. What I am wondering though is if there are a few days left. Do I practice 180 hard core to give her the sense of detachment, give her space, etc. or do I try to enjoy her, talk with her a lot to feel things out? Maybe leave her with a good impression. I think I know the answer but I really do not want to drive her away. I really want to make it work out.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Is she cheating?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

s1979j said:


> I have read about 180 and started implementing it. What I am wondering though is if there are a few days left. Do I practice 180 hard core to give her the sense of detachment, give her space, etc


Not sure where you read about the 180 but its clear that you don't understand it.

It's not about her- it's about YOU.

She wants her space, give it to her. Start immediately, use the time alone to work on yourself not to get some sort of temporary reaction from her because you're playing some sort of pretend game.


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## s1979j (Dec 16, 2012)

@keko - i do not believe there is PA, but I do believe she is in an EA with a coworker. Though I do have thoughts that those feelings are dwindling.

@sharkeey - I get the 180, and in my alone time I have been working on myself. 
It's not a pretend game as you might think. Its an uncertain time, and one I really do not want to be in, so I'm trying to find any way out of it with her by my side. If she is truly cheating or wants another man, that is different and I won't stand for that and I told her that. But our recent conversations have been that she doesn't want to throw things away and just last night she hopes it can work out. She has trust issues with me as in the past I have lied (mostly for reasons like to avoid confrontation, etc. ) I get that and now am well on my way to making the right changes in me.

Maybe it is me being ignorant at this point, but I still have hope. Maybe everyone here on this site has had that and had it crushed and that's how you help others, but I am not ready to believe it is over. That said, I have started paying more attention to myself and my hobbies because its not healthy to just think about her all day. Its maddening if I were to do that.

Part of why I am on here is because I really do not have anyone in my life to discuss this with. Its not really my family's business nor is it her family's business, nor do i want judgements from either of our families on either of us going forward. My wife and I did this to ourselves, I just want to fix this if she wants to after getting her space.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

s1979j said:


> @sharkeey - I get the 180, and in my alone time I have been working on myself.
> It's not a pretend game as you might think. Its an uncertain time, and one I really do not want to be in, so I'm trying to find any way out of it with her by my side.


Let's try this from another angle.

Your post is all about how you should act around her in your last few days together so you can get the maximum effectiveness during this time and hopefully get a positive reaction from her.

I'm suggesting you refocus and stop trying so hard, stop concentrating on her and what strategies might work to turn her around because honestly there's nothing you can say or do at this point, especially in such a short time frame that will help you, it will only hurt you.

The 180 is all about detaching and focusing on yourself, not on her, and this includes getting your mind off of all those "what if" scenarios.. "if I say or do this, will she say or do that in response".

Just back off, do your own thing, respond cordially and calmly if she approaches you, and just play it cool.


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## s1979j (Dec 16, 2012)

Gotcha...I understand that part of it. Thank you for clarifying that further. I appreciate it.


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