# Need some male input....



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

After my divorce 2011 I am finally getting back into the dating scene....

Friday I met a guy who I've been texting with for a while...

He was super sweet, a bit shy, but we certainly hit it off....

He couldn't keep his eyes off me....

After a few hours of talking I sat beside him because the music started playing and I couldn't hear him anymore....

Shortly after we kissed and it was amazing....

We sat there cuddling and kissing, listening to the music....

Later we went to his place....yeah, I know....mistake, but it was again, amazing....

We cuddled and slept all night holding each other....

In the morning he was sweet, kissing and holding me until I left....

I thanked him for a great date via text and he responded with "It was good I enjoyed it !"

I left this unanswered and 3 1/2 hours later he texted me "It's beautiful outside" which were followed by a 2-3 more texts between us....

I knew he was going out with his buddies that night, so I texted him at 10 PM that I was hoping he's having a good time.

He didn't text me until the next afternoon asking me how my day is going....I told him good, I'm out shooting pool and how about his....he immediately responded with "at friends drinking"....so 2 hours later I text "Superbowl party, huh ??? Have fun" and he texted back "You too"....

I haven't heard from him since and I'm wondering if I really was just a booty call or what ????

He never texted a whole lot, but he would usually shoot me a "Good morning beautiful"....

Do men really bother texting the girl after the booty call ???

I would assume they would just be done with it and move on to the next.....

What's your opinion....

Do I still have a shot ???


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Hard to say. Everyone is different. Maybe you made things too easy for him. Slow down and see what happens.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

as per advice of my friends I waited a few hours with responding and it seemed the more I waited the less he texted...
ugggghhhh....I truly hate this dating game.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

I'm sorry Rome----not all guys are like that. Go slow.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've had one date with him. You need to slow way down. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I am always torn on the 'sex on the first date' thing. As a guy, I admit when I was young and the physical sparks start flying - it is nearly impossible to resist the temptations of the flesh. It makes it harder though after you sort of start things backwards.

The problem can be, I imagine, you can get so personally invested right off the bat but frankly - you have no idea if there is anything substantial there. If you are counting the time between texts.. you are already invested. You were texting for a while but that doesnt count... we all have our best little faces that we put on through electronic or distant communications. Think he embellished anything? Like that he is the dimlomatic attache to mongolia or something? If so, you can kiss this one goodbye.

The same way I probably seem reasonable and lucid typing messages on this board. ok, NOT! (Then again, maybe I'm a raging, lying jerk with a gambling problem and addicted to sardines with stinky feet... totally unsuitable for a LTR.. who knows?)

He will come back for a second helping, probably if you had a good night and everything was pretty honest. But that is the footing for your relationship now. You need to go somewhere where you can actually hear each other talking though. 

fwiw - wife and I met on a blind date 25 years ago and she bedded me repeatedly the first night like I was the last man on earth.  She told me years later that was a complete first and she doesnt know why the heck she did that - which is funny and ego inflating. Anyway - it can work out.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

_as per advice of my friends I waited a few hours with responding and it seemed the more I waited the less he texted_



That is called playing games. Most guys, especially older guys, can't stand women that play games and "Flake". More and more women do this very thing and more and more guys just give up and move on. The age of texting has introduced the age of "whatever, see ya later"

You may have turned it into a booty call.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

You might be right  
He is older (43) and as he was telling me about his best friend who's basically a man ***** (his words) it really seemed like this guy was different....
Any advice on what to do now to turn this mess around and convince him that I AM totally into him and would love to see him again ???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop initiating contact. Start dating someone else. Don't sleep with them on the first date if you don't want to be a booty call. 

Why exactly are you "totally into this guy" if this is the treatment you get?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

rome2012, chalk this up to a learning experience for yourself about "why we shouldn't sleep with them on the first date". You might have to learn this a time or two before you REALLY believe it.

Most of us women have made this mistake more than once. It is very hard for us to understand this can happen because during the heat of passion, we are always "sure it will be different this time and I can trust this guy".

Until you have the werewithal to not even put yourself in that position to begin with, you will run the risk of this happening again.

See the thing is, this guy didn't do anything wrong. You put out, and what was he supposed to do, say "no thank you, I can't have sex with you because I'm afraid I might hurt you by not calling you for a date soon enough"? 

In his mind, you must have wanted unattached sex too, or else, why would you have done it?


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

As a divorced guy I always had a rule that if they slept with me on the first date (and I didn't know him previously) that it wouldn't be a long term deal. Not that this is the case but I also have met a lot of divorced or older guys who are ok with not settling down again b/c of past experiences and the hell they perhaps went through via other marriages and relationships. They are content with just being casual. One even told me a theory (which is why he keeps you on the hook) about having multiple ponies in the barn. 

Just some thoughts and I agree with the above - go slow and step back. Live your life, meet others, and see what happens.

Being divorced and being totally into someone right away tells me you aren't as ready as you think you are. It took me a long time to even consider opening my heart up to someone else.

Take care of yourself first and have respect/hold your own and guys will continue to come after you. Even us older guys like the chase and challenge.

Joe


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I slept with ex-h on our first date and it lasted for almost 12 years....13 all together...
I texted the guy....couldn't help it...said "How was your day ???"
He responded immediately and I wrote back that I missed chatting with him.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I think you have to play this out a bit. I wouldn't change up your approach because you've slept together. If he changes things up by not calling/texting then he's playing the games and that tells you what you need to know. If he holds up his end and you two build more of a relationship then you'll get to know if your both on the same page for relationship goals. Relax.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Well, I'm not in the "dating game" but here is my take on your situation- it seems he was trying to connect with you more than you were with him. You were holding back contact on advice of friends. That's game playing, as was pointed out previously. It looks like he felt that, and backed off. What guy wants a drama-mama? Were I you, I'd send him a text and let him know you want to hang out and do another date. Be yourself. If you like this guy, and he likes you, wouldn't it be best you like each other as you are, not the gamer you are trying to show each other?


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

mmmhhh....don't know how to take this....
after a bit of small talk he asked me how the rash on my chin was...I got a little red from his beard when we kissed....I told him it was fine but my lip was still bruised....also from kissing/biting (don't judge  )....he apologized and then said he hopes I at least enjoyed the sex....
I responded with "it was good. don't worry " and he replied with "lol okay."
any input on this ???
player or insecure ???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Typical feeling-out-the-situation talk.... He's trying to talk to you, if he was a player, he would not be stumbling around like this. Get a topic going that interests you both...have some REAL conversation,and at some point bring up how much you enjoy taking to him, and hope you guys can get together for another date.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

working up to the date he asked me for pics....I am not happy with the way I look (mostly belly) and so I was sending him body parts lol legs, butt, chest (all fully clothed)...he thought that was funny.....
He just texted "No can I get a pic of you ?"
And I replied with "???"
I also wrote right after that he must have texted the wrong person as he's already seen pics of me (and me in person) but that message was sent to drafts when he responded "now can i get a full pic of you ??"
He's as sweet as before...I hope he really is just a bit insecure about us....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

*Re: Re: Need some male input....*



rome2012 said:


> working up to the date he asked me for pics....I am not happy with the way I look (mostly belly) and so I was sending him body parts lol legs, butt, chest (all fully clothed)...he thought that was funny.....
> He just texted "No can I get a pic of you ?"
> And I replied with "???"
> I also wrote right after that he must have texted the wrong person as he's already seen pics of me (and me in person) but that message was sent to drafts when he responded "now can i get a full pic of you ??"
> ...


Rome, one thing I DO know, is what we men want. If he is a sincere guy, and it sounds like he is, he is going to be thrilled with you pursuing him as much as he pursues you. Nothing sucks more than having to wonder if the woman you are crazy about thinks the same, because she hides it. 

You have slept with him already, why be self conscious? Sure, look good for him, but CONFIDENCE is uuber sexy dear, fake it if you have to. How about a pic of you looking over your shoulder, that way the belly is hidden, and he sees your butt too? Nothing a man likes more than that 

Sounds like you are over the hump here with him, congratulations


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## hotshot (Feb 5, 2013)

might I suggest having an actual conversation with him instead of texting. There is more to conversation than just words. You might be surprised how much you both feel the same about each other. I would only text with someone if I did not want to improve the relationship.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

rome2012,

From your public profile you are no longer a school girl, you are a mother of two with all the responsibilities that entails.

Please do yourself a favor, If you think a relationship with this guy can work then SPEAK to him about it. If not chalk it up to experience and next time do not go to bed with a guy on the first date.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Really glad to see that the dust has settled on your divorce and that you are back out on the field so to speak.

So ... now, onto the game.

Whenever a man invites you to his place on the first date, and you accept, that is a fundamental acknowledgment that sex is in play. Which if you want sex ... then fine.

I will say that the reverse is generally true as well. On the several occasions I have been invited to her place on a first date, I don't expect there to be sex ... but there had been. Again, I don't have an issue with that.

So, the problem with sex out of the gate is that it can, may, throw a wrench into the works where determining if attraction and compatibility remain in play.

I am not one for withholding for withholding's sake ... that too, is simply a game.

I get railed for 'game' analogies very often. But the truth is, dating post-marriage, is far more of a game than dating when I was young and single ever was. People have more at stake, they have a history, sometimes that history comes with issues. Being completely guarded and closed off, isn't much different than being completely open, out there, and sexually forward. 

Here is my advice. Don't chase this guy. Just don't. If he wants you, he will come to you. You made it clear that you wanted to be sexual with him. And sex is what happened. I don't have an issue with that, but it can muddy the water if you haven't truly bonded.

Sex doesn't mean you are compatible. Hell, you don't even know enough about one another to truly know if you LIKE each other.

Sex also doesn't mean that you are exclusive. So ... if sexual exclusivity is important to you, then that warrants a conversation prior to clothing coming off.

Let it go. If you don't hear from him in 3 days, it's done. Cut him loose, and chalk this up as a learning experience. If you do hear from him after that time, accept a date at your discretion. He will likely try to move towards another sexual encounter.

Make some dating rules for yourself. Get the information that you need to get from your partner in order to feel comfortable and secure prior to being intimate, rather than being intimate and then wondering if the relationship is secure.


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