# Volatile Divorce



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Hi! I'm not new here, but new to the divorce group. Not sure exactly how I got here, other than I believe my H relapsed on meth. I do know he manhandled me over a checkbook and had increasing overall anger/aggravation about him, among other things. I tested him for drugs because I couldn't find real evidence of cheating but he was acting odd. I reached out to our pastor to help figure out what we can do and of course H flat out denies everything, claims I'm making it all up and so our pastor suggests separation for 30 days. And H promptly announces to us all that if he has to move out it is over and he's filing for divorce because this is all lies, he says. 

So here I am just over a month later and while I haven't been served, I decided to file for divorce and he should be served this coming week. Problem I'm having now is ever increasing anger at me, my family in the area, his threats of doing away with or not paying for marital property. I've been a stay at home mom for 5 years and everything is in his name now and I have no income and the kids are on summer break, 8 year old twins. I have cut his contact to his kids because about 2 weeks after he left I found him chitchatting and having video sex with an ex on FB 20 hours away and planning a hookup that weekend, meanwhile he was asking me if he could take the kids fishing, etc that same weekend, so yeah, with no custody arrangement in place I felt uncomfortable with it all. 

Anyway, he seems to be getting worse with drug use I guess or some other mental condition. I think I've decided I need to go no contact and file a restraining order and let my attorney deal with him.. we're down to email contact only and I've already set it to automatically go into junk.. but you know we're only human and if I hear the notification, I'm tempted to open it. He's just gotten so hateful to deal with on any level. And just some background, he cycles through something every 1 to 2 years.. looking back there was always something pretty big he'd done against our marriage vows.. and this is the straw this time. I do continue to pray for him and for our children and our future. 

Thanks for reading if you made it all the way  just felt the need to let it out a little this morning. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry it's come to this. But from what you wrote, I think you will be better off going forward.

You say that he is threatening to get rid of marital property/assets. What sort of items are these? Do you have proof that they existed. You have sue him, in the divorce, for wasting martial assets. That means that he will owe you your half of those assets.

Do you have copies of all of the financial things that are in his name only?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> Sorry it's come to this. But from what you wrote, I think you will be better off going forward.
> 
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Namely last night was the car I am in possession of, or more precisely threatening to not make the pymt and let them know they can come get it. He threatened this because he claims I'm letting people drive it. It's been sitting in my driveway for days! He also purchased a travel trailer, just not sure of the amount, but it's a big trailer, to live in  I don't know how much cash is in the bank acct anymore.. he cut me off the day he moved out (a month ago). Anyway, I do have all of our property info. that I was able to give my atty. 


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* @Cherry ~ have your lawyer file first, thereby letting him or her set the agenda in the courtroom filing strategies!

Get a good one who will take extreme pleasure in putting a size 12 steel-toed boot up your old man's meth-ridden backside!*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You filing for divorce is your best protection. 

Make sure that all important paperwork and valuables that are in the home are protected so that he cannot come get them. Just having your doors locked is not enough. Move them to some other location.

As an example. One of my sister's was left by her husband. Sometime during the early stages of their divorce someone (her soon-to-be ex) broke into their home by breaking a window. He took everything of value, all family photos and all legal and financial papers. The person who broke in was her ex. The neighbors saw him do it. they saw him putting stuff in a van. 

But he denied it. So the police would not do anything about it.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Cherry.......... I have experience in the area of your Hs addiction. 1-Get an STD test.... people on meth do outlandish things and some use a needle. 2-Get an Order of Protection, that has more clout than RO (I also live in TN). 3-Get the D running full blast. I think it is still 90 days with kids IF both parties agree. 4-Yes in his name but everything is MARITAL property. 5-A tweeker will sell anything / everything for that high. He may sell items but not to punish you, he is chasing the high.

How was he before he bowed to meth? Would you consider something in the future if he quit? If so... HE has to want to do it. All you can do is offer support.

Protect your kids and protect yourself. Do you have a male relative who can talk to him / stand up to him? Maybe they could stay at your house from time to time or at least..... have their car parked in your driveway, even if they're not there. Most guys like to show their arse if no other guy is around. Much different when a guy is around.

I live in the Chattanooga area. I am not a policeman but I work with them. If you are in my area, throw me a PM. I will make a few calls. I know how small rural counties are.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Cherry.......... I have experience in the area of your Hs addiction. 1-Get an STD test.... people on meth do outlandish things and some use a needle. 2-Get an Order of Protection, that has more clout than RO (I also live in TN). 3-Get the D running full blast. I think it is still 90 days with kids IF both parties agree. 4-Yes in his name but everything is MARITAL property. 5-A tweeker will sell anything / everything for that high. He may sell items but not to punish you, he is chasing the high.
> 
> How was he before he bowed to meth? Would you consider something in the future if he quit? If so... HE has to want to do it. All you can do is offer support.
> 
> ...


*You're a good man, Chuck!*


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Cherry said:


> Namely last night was the car I am in possession of, or more precisely threatening to not make the pymt and let them know they can come get it. He threatened this because he claims I'm letting people drive it. It's been sitting in my driveway for days! He also purchased a travel trailer, just not sure of the amount, but it's a big trailer, to live in  I don't know how much cash is in the bank acct anymore.. he cut me off the day he moved out (a month ago). Anyway, I do have all of our property info. that I was able to give my atty.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Surely your name is on the checking account. He can't close it out without your signature.

A tweeker will spew BS and not even remember WTH they said. Have a VAR with you so when he shoots

that mouth off.... call the police. A tweeker usually has meth equipment on their person.

That would definitely get him off the streets. I understand he wants to cut YOUR money off but.....

his kids too? Not cool.... at all. Wait until the judge catches wind of that.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Chuck71 said:


> Cherry.......... I have experience in the area of your Hs addiction. 1-Get an STD test.... people on meth do outlandish things and some use a needle. 2-Get an Order of Protection, that has more clout than RO (I also live in TN). 3-Get the D running full blast. I think it is still 90 days with kids IF both parties agree. 4-Yes in his name but everything is MARITAL property. 5-A tweeker will sell anything / everything for that high. He may sell items but not to punish you, he is chasing the high.
> 
> How was he before he bowed to meth? Would you consider something in the future if he quit? If so... HE has to want to do it. All you can do is offer support.
> 
> ...




Thank you, I'm actually in GA now (southeast). When I met my H told he had an addiction to cocaine... After we married, I quickly found out that his DOC is crack. He had a relapse when we were first married but he was 20 hours away and I filed for divorce then, before kids... long story short, we ended up back together and pregnant. Fast forward to now and here we are.

There isn't anything left for our marriage, I thought briefly maybe, I even started Christian counseling and invited him, I thought I was being supportive if this was in fact a brief relapse.. but then I came across the video sex with the ex girlfriend and that was it. we had such a cracked marital foundation that there wasn't much left to begin with. We've been to 5 different counselors, varying in length, and I just don't think he recognizes his own problems in life. I can't do it for him and our children are 8.. they deserve peace. I'm a recovering alcoholic with 6 years clean, I know why I drank so much for so long... I'm not going back. I'm sober and I want to raise my kids in a loving peaceful home... our home was incredibly angry for so long with him and his unresolved emotional issues. I love him dearly and I pray for him daily. I however will never be able to be intimate with him again or probably be able to look him in the face for some time to come. 

It's a small town and an even smaller city block.. and I'm on one side and my oldest daughter and her hubby is on the other side and he's set up in a camper on the vacant lot between us. It's fairly uncomfortable to say the least, and I've decided that until I can get to the courthouse steps on Monday morning, I'm staying in as much as I can and just laying low and I'm not shy about calling the cops on him anymore, I'm just sad about who he has become. 

Thank you for your kindness


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Cherry said:


> Thank you, I'm actually in GA now (southeast). When I met my H told he had an addiction to cocaine... After we married, I quickly found out that his DOC is crack. He had a relapse when we were first married but he was 20 hours away and I filed for divorce then, before kids... long story short, we ended up back together and pregnant. Fast forward to now and here we are.
> 
> There isn't anything left for our marriage, I thought briefly maybe, I even started Christian counseling and invited him, I thought I was being supportive if this was in fact a brief relapse.. but then I came across the video sex with the ex girlfriend and that was it. we had such a cracked marital foundation that there wasn't much left to begin with. We've been to 5 different counselors, varying in length, and I just don't think he recognizes his own problems in life. I can't do it for him and our children are 8.. they deserve peace. I'm a recovering alcoholic with 6 years clean, I know why I drank so much for so long... I'm not going back. I'm sober and I want to raise my kids in a loving peaceful home... our home was incredibly angry for so long with him and his unresolved emotional issues. I love him dearly and I pray for him daily. I however will never be able to be intimate with him again or probably be able to look him in the face for some time to come.
> 
> ...


Crack....... UGH. Who in their right mind would do a drug named after their ass? SMDH.

Does he eat headache meds like it's candy? I have "knowledge" of GA. Your location

should be okay unless you are in Long County.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Update: 3 months later and it's gone from bad to worse. I finally did get an family violence protection order and while it stopped his threats, financial or otherwise and it set the temp custody order, but due to a previous crime I had listed on the order, they issued an arrest warrant for him when they looked into it further. Not sure what the future holds now  but that's where we are in the process. I'm still moving forward with the divorce but financially I fear it's going to get bad, I pray not and only time will tell. 


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Cherry said:


> Update: 3 months later and it's gone from bad to worse. I finally did get an family violence protection order and while it stopped his threats, financial or otherwise and it set the temp custody order, but due to a previous crime I had listed on the order, they issued an arrest warrant for him when they looked into it further. Not sure what the future holds now  but that's where we are in the process. I'm still moving forward with the divorce but financially I fear it's going to get bad, I pray not and only time will tell.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


The only way it could get worse is if you take him back. It sounds like he has bigger legal problems ahead for him other than divorce. Now that he has to save his own skin don't be surprised if the divorce moves forward faster now.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Make sure you are documenting everything, every call, every email, every text, every financial transaction he makes using your accounts. If he has a drug problem you are not going to want him to have visitation with the kids, don't feel guilty about that, that's his fault not yours. 

Divorce is a nightmare but the end result will be you taking back control of your life and being able to direct your future instead of being dependent on the cycles of someones mental disorder or drug use.

Best wishes.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Cherry said:


> Update: 3 months later and it's gone from bad to worse. I finally did get an family violence protection order and while it stopped his threats, financial or otherwise and it set the temp custody order, but due to a previous crime I had listed on the order, they issued an arrest warrant for him when they looked into it further. Not sure what the future holds now  but that's where we are in the process. I'm still moving forward with the divorce but financially I fear it's going to get bad, I pray not and only time will tell.


Thanks for the update! His money will start drying up with the arrest. As in most cases today,

the courts do not really want to lock you up if they can fine the living #$%%%# out of you.

With him in jail your D should run very smooth. I think your state is 60 days with kids?

Get CS set up through the courthouse. How long will he remain in jail?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Chuck71 said:


> Thanks for the update! His money will start drying up with the arrest. As in most cases today,
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Yes, if he had any money set aside it'll start drying up.. he was finally paying the court ordered (as per the protection order) child support, but then that's where the cops got involved, after the protection order was granted, the local sheriff noticed a prior charge and began to ask me questions. He's actually looking at prison time I guess based on what I've been reading re: this type of offense. And this probably never would've come up except that when I was served divorce papers, he was seeking sole custody... no reason stated, only that it'd be in the best interest of the children. I had to respond like only a mama bear would  

But yes, the divorce should go pretty smooth if he in fact goes to prison. 




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