# sex stopped after 4 months of marriage when got caught cheating with another woman



## zonika17 (Jul 18, 2013)

my husband and i have not gone without a day of arguments and fights over his infidelity, the urge to watch porn and hide and lie about it. he does not even like to watch it togetehr. its been over 2.5 months and we have jus had sex 4 times that too after my insisting and cryings. one time while doing it he said "lets stop now". its like i only force him. he gave me a reason tht he cant do it in nyt cz he has had food n stuff and in the morning he doesnt want to wake me up. the whole day he goes to work and if he is at home in the afternoon he doesn't let me lock the room.yesterday night we were in our rooms by 8is we had ample of time. even after me taking all the initiatives he disagreed. now ive strted sleeping on the floor and let him have the whole bed for himself.ive told him that till the time he does not tell me his problem we ll live like this only. can u plz tell me what can be the issue? and i dont trust him a bit.two times he has cheated on me alredy in 4 mnths of marriage and then the sex stops. so i have hard time to believe what he says. cause he does get an erection wen i make an initiative. but lets it go by very soon.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

is the problem that you are facing has got to do with his infidelity? sounds as if he is hiding away from you or he hates sex with you or he just prefers sex with someone else...


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

You need to leave this joker. There are too many guys out there who can only dream of a wife like that.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

zonika17 said:


> my husband and i have not gone without a day of arguments and fights over his infidelity, the urge to watch porn and hide and lie about it. he does not even like to watch it togetehr. its been over 2.5 months and we have jus had sex 4 times that too after my insisting and cryings. one time while doing it he said "lets stop now". its like i only force him. he gave me a reason tht he cant do it in nyt cz he has had food n stuff and in the morning he doesnt want to wake me up. the whole day he goes to work and if he is at home in the afternoon he doesn't let me lock the room.yesterday night we were in our rooms by 8is we had ample of time. even after me taking all the initiatives he disagreed. now ive strted sleeping on the floor and let him have the whole bed for himself.ive told him that till the time he does not tell me his problem we ll live like this only. can u plz tell me what can be the issue? and i dont trust him a bit.two times he has cheated on me alredy in 4 mnths of marriage and then the sex stops. so i have hard time to believe what he says. cause he does get an erection wen i make an initiative. but lets it go by very soon.


have some self respect!

you are sleeping on the floor while he get the bed? whats up with that. 


some people are just broken and he apparently is one of them. Time to realise that and move on. start an exit plan by saving some money and then getting out of this marriage.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm no religious scholar but wouldn't an anullment be in order if someone cheats in the first four months of marriage?

If your story is true you should run not walk away from your marriage.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

If the reason for this post was to get affirmation, that you should drop his guy like a bad habit, consider it successful....

I don't think many people would marry in order to go without sex, be cheated on, and sleep on the floor....In fact any one of those three reasons would probably be enough, considering the brevity of your marriage......

Pull the rip chord, and yell Geronimo, it is time to bail...


the woodchuck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others. Leave him. 

Talk to an attorney about divorce and annulment. You might be able to get an annulment.

He's a broken person. That's why he will not have sex with you and cheats within the first 4 months of marriage. You cannot fix him. No one can.

Do you have somewhere that you can move? Can you get an apartment? Or move in with a family member or friend? Get away from this guy so that you can think straight.


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## zonika17 (Jul 18, 2013)

i dont know if i can take this step as i am from an indian family where marriage is a very big social thing. today again i am on the floor and i am insisting him to go to the doctor but now he has toatlly refused saying the more u ll force me the more i ll not do or go to the doctor. i wish it was that easy. what should i do...i feel like just runnin away without letting anyone know. and i dun have enough funds cz we have just got married and i hav just strtd my business. so all the money is there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you told your parents? Start there. See what their take on it is.

Marriage is important in India. But are you expected to just put up with his infidelity, him exposing you to STDs? 

What is his family like? Would they put pressure on him?


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

My father use to tell me that you cannot be a doormat until you first lay down for someone.

I would say you have definitely laid down for this man, he has walked all over you, and has you thinking that you are the one with the problem. 

You would really want to watch porn with this man after the affairs he's had? You have given him the comfort of your bed and moved to sleeping on the floor yourself? 

If I did this to my wife, she wouldn't be trying to give me an erection, she would be handing me divorce papers while literally kicking me out the door.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

zonika17 said:


> my husband and i have not gone without a day of arguments and fights over his infidelity, the urge to watch porn and hide and lie about it. he does not even like to watch it togetehr. its been over 2.5 months and we have jus had sex 4 times that too after my insisting and cryings. one time while doing it he said "lets stop now". its like i only force him. he gave me a reason tht he cant do it in nyt cz he has had food n stuff and in the morning he doesnt want to wake me up. the whole day he goes to work and if he is at home in the afternoon he doesn't let me lock the room.yesterday night we were in our rooms by 8is we had ample of time. even after me taking all the initiatives he disagreed. now ive strted sleeping on the floor and let him have the whole bed for himself.ive told him that till the time he does not tell me his problem we ll live like this only. can u plz tell me what can be the issue? and i dont trust him a bit.two times he has cheated on me alredy in 4 mnths of marriage and then the sex stops. so i have hard time to believe what he says. cause he does get an erection wen i make an initiative. but lets it go by very soon.



Wow, I feel for you, just a terrible situation to be in. 

Are you a larger woman and he doesn't find you physically attractive and that's why he cheated 2 times and views porn?

I would say, go to marriage counseling or just get the divorce or annulment already. Many men out there with high healthy adventurous sex drives, that aren't addicted to porn and who don't cheat either.

This is the 21st century, and women are equals and can do whatever they want in life.

He cheated on you 2x and still views porn. He isn't a man or loving husband. He is a scumbag and move on. What your parents say doesn't matter, because this is about you, your sanity and future.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> Wow, I feel for you, just a terrible situation to be in.
> 
> *Are you a larger woman and he doesn't find you physically attractive and that's why he cheated 2 times and views porn?*
> 
> ...


Unbelievable... her husband is mistreating her horribly and you try to put the blame on her by imagining that this is all because she is fat or unattractive.:scratchhead:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Unbelievable... her husband is mistreating her horribly and you try to put the blame on her by imagining that this is all because she is fat or unattractive.:scratchhead:



I'm hitting this from all angles.

No one has asked the question.

*Does it give him an excuse. Of course not. But that's common sense and doesn't have to be posted.*

Was this an arranged marriage? India. Maybe he just doesn't find her attractive?

Ask the questions that no one has asked and not the nice ones and what she wants to hear.

You have to get the whole story and not just the female side of things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So if a woman is unattractive, it justifies her husband cheating for their entire 4 month marriage?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

It seems we had another poster recently in an arranged marriage with a husband who was doing the same thing. 

Regardless of the social ramifications this man has done nothing but hurt you and will continue to hurt you because not only does he not love you but also resents the hell out of you. 

Don't walk, run out of this marriage.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So if a woman is unattractive, it justifies her husband cheating for their entire 4 month marriage?



And again, you're not getting it.

I am here to understand the "why" and not that it has happened twice already, that she stayed in the marriage, an arranged marriage were culture and family are extremely important.

"Why" did he do this?

"What" lead him to having those two cheating sessions in the first place along with his porn issue?

Once you understand the "why" and "what" lead up to this situation, she and everyone will learn.

To say, we'll so and so cheated on me many times but no one is told why and what lead this individual to do these things, no one learns anything. You're just stating what we already know.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I imagine what led him to act this way is because he is a *********.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Totally agree.

I am not in any shape or way defending this scumbag, but I do want to know "why" he did it and "what" lead up to it.

Without that, its pointless.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

A horrible situation.

Listen you get one life (as far as I know) to live on this earth. Regardless of what your family/society/anybody thinks you need to do it for yourself. many years from now you will look back and be thank full you took the initiative to take control of your life. will it be hard? ...you bet it will .Will you do everything right? most likely not but that's OK. You will get past all this and it will get better.


start with talking to you family and if they are not helpful then muster up the courage and start an exit plan. save as much money as you can. any way you can. research on the computer how to get divorce where your at and find a way to make it work.

good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

zonika17,

Are there organizations in your area that help women who have serious marital problems? If there are, could you get some counseling. I think that in your culture you need all the help you can get.

One thing that I wondering is if you can stand up to him. Just tell him that he is your husband and he has to treat you with respect or you will take the problems to your elders, his family and yours, for help.

Tell him that he has to sleep on the floor or elsewhere. That you will not be disrespected in the manner that he is doing to you.

Remember that a woman is the queen in her own home. So be that queen.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

OP are you in India? Or some other country?

Get out as soon as you can. This situation is not going to get any better.

How old are you?


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## zonika17 (Jul 18, 2013)

i am 23 yrs old. today we had gone to the doctor he has been diagnosed with depression. the doctor on top of it says no sex for while. now he is happy that the doctor also had said no. now for a kiss also he is throwing tantrums. i dont know what to do. i told my mother that i want to walk out of it but then my family has a lot of financial issues so i dont know what will i do. i just need him to be a normal man. also we havent gone for our honeymoon also..i need him to be someone whom i can enjoy with and not cry for everyday.


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## zonika17 (Jul 18, 2013)

@ cuddle bug.. yes i am a larger woman but he is way larger than me. so that shouldnt be a problem and if it was the frst day when he saw me i was the same. he should have not agreed for mariage then. our marriage also happend in like after meeting for the first time the guy who arranged the meeting without askin me said its a yes from my side. hes my uncle and my husband was told tht the girl is cry at the restaurant. thats y he agreed.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... It was an arranged marriage. He didn't marry you because he loved you and was committed to spending the rest of his life making you happy. Instead, he may not have ever found you attractive, and married you for financial or social reasons.

And now, you're paying the price. If divorce isn't and option, I don't know how you'll be able to change his attitude. Your family may be able to exert influence in his family (and them on him), but it's often difficult for people to directly influence the behaviour of someone who claims to love them, much less someone who doesn't care about them. 

C


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

zonika17 said:


> @ cuddle bug.. yes i am a larger woman but he is way larger than me. so that shouldnt be a problem and if it was the frst day when he saw me i was the same. he should have not agreed for mariage then. our marriage also happend in like after meeting for the first time the guy who arranged the meeting without askin me said its a yes from my side. hes my uncle and my husband was told tht the girl is cry at the restaurant. thats y he agreed.



I'm not blaming you for his cheating on you. You aren't the issue, it was the arranged marriage that caused all of this. You are a good woman and if you divorce, I know you will find a good man of your own choosing. I'm not trying to dis-respect your traditions and culture, but a man and woman should be able to chose who they love and want to marry. And someone's size has nothing to do with sex drive. It's how they were raised, believe, and experienced in life that gives them their notions about sex. 

I wish you all the best.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

zonika17 said:


> @ cuddle bug.. yes i am a larger woman but he is way larger than me. so that shouldnt be a problem and if it was the frst day when he saw me i was the same. he should have not agreed for mariage then. our marriage also happend in like after meeting for the first time the guy who arranged the meeting without askin me said its a yes from my side. hes my uncle and my husband was told tht the girl is cry at the restaurant. thats y he agreed.


1st thing u need to do is to stop blaming yourself, you are who you are and why is your size a problem only now? 

love yourself, go work yourself out in the gym and pump the sadness away, go lose some weight, build back your self-confidence, go out meet new friends, start being financially independent, and when the time come where he start to talk sh*t again with you, dump him as u deserve someone truly better


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you sure he's not still cheating? Because it sounds very much like it.

Also are is he the same age as you, or is older?


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## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> have some self respect!
> 
> you are sleeping on the floor while he get the bed? whats up with that.
> 
> ...




:iagree:


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## zonika17 (Jul 18, 2013)

he is 31 yrs old. and sometimes even i doubt but now i have all his mail ids and passwords, i check the phone also on and off. just that i do have a problem of being suspicious over evrythng and with all in the past i cant help my self. the sexologist has said no for a while but he isnt taking the meds also. now he has never taken any allopathic meds as his family believes in ayurveda. how do i go woth this situation and also we had gone to the doctor by ourselves without giving any information to the family. so they hav eno clue


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

zonika17 said:


> i dont know if i can take this step as i am from an indian family where marriage is a very big social thing. today again i am on the floor and i am insisting him to go to the doctor but now he has toatlly refused saying the more u ll force me the more i ll not do or go to the doctor. i wish it was that easy. what should i do...i feel like just runnin away without letting anyone know. and i dun have enough funds cz we have just got married and i hav just strtd my business. so all the money is there.


My suggestion, either divorce, or continue to lay on the floor while your husband cheats and watches porn. The ball is in your court on how you want to spend the rest of your life.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Are you a larger woman and he doesn't find you physically attractive and that's why he cheated 2 times and views porn?
> 
> 
> > I just lost some respect for you, CuddleBug. You could have said a million other things, but you chose to ask if she was fat... FYI, I am as you say a 'larger woman' and I have never in my life had any trouble finding a date.


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