# I feel like giving up



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

The roller coaster ride has been so damn tough. I've heard the old saying no one dies from a broken heart, yeah right. I have two beautiful babies, 8 & 5, they are the only reason I'm still around today. I still can't believe after being with my wife for 11 years she is discarding me like this. The whole ilybnilwy speech. Then she still wants to talk with me everyday to make sure I am okay. No I'm not okay, you destroyed me. I don't see my kids every day like I used to, I moved out of my comfortable house. She had the luxury of thinking about this for a year. Five days after she told me she wanted a divorce we had sex. Twice in the last two weeks she has passionately kissed me. What the Heck???? I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want my old life back, but that is gone forever. I feel so broken on every level. I don't know how to go forward anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

Stop kissing her (or letting her kiss you). If you keep at it, of course it's going to be hard to move forward.


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## SailingSoloAgain (Feb 5, 2012)

I hate it for you Proud. I'm going through a similar situation except she left 7 days ago and I'm in the comfortable house we built with our own hands over the course of 10 months. It's no consolation being here, might even be worse. I don't understand the passionate kissing thing, mine's doing that too.
I think they're trying to ease their way into their new lives regardless of what it does to us.
The only other thing I can tell you is you're not alone. Thank goodness we found this place.


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## IfIwasYourVampire (Jan 5, 2012)

I'm also staying alone at the house, it feels so empty and like a prision... She left me for somebody else, and thats even worst than if we just had broken up for other reason... As much as it hurts we have to understand that life goes on.... I dont want my happynes to depend on another person anymore...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

IfIwasYourVampire said:


> I dont want my happynes to depend on another person anymore...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too.....I've been struggling with that for a year now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Last night was really tough too, not that my wife was much of a football fan but we spent the last 11 Superbowl's together, more of a fan atmosphere. I did go over to a friend's house to have fun, but then having to do the drive at the end, knowing I was going to an empty place, no person there to ask if I had fun. She still says she loves me as a friend, wants to be there for me to lean on, etc.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> ... but then having to do the drive at the end, knowing I was going to an empty place, no person there to ask if I had fun. She still says she loves me as a friend, wants to be there for me to lean on, etc.


Oh man... I hear you. I *hear* you. That has been one of the most painful things... coming home to an empty place. I'm sure my stbxw is doing the same as well... or, maybe not now that she's on her own.

The difference is that your ex is still messing with your head. That can't be easy.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Canguy I am at a roadblock with trying to move on. It's like I'm so afraid of the future, but then again I don't have the past I once had. She has (so she says) made piece with moving on. She says she just focuses on the kids. I'm just so afraid. I'm so messed up, I tied so much of my happiness & self worth into her. It's like I don't know how to be happy anymore without her validation of my existence, if that makes sense. I had her on this pedastal for so long that I think I will never meet anyone like her again, that I was lucky to meet her, that I will never be good enough for anyone again. Heck, I'm only 34.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

How well are you doing the 180? I think this is what you need to be doing and from the sounds of it, maybe you are not.

Know you are not alone and you need to make yourself the priority. The more attractive you are (180 proofed), the better you will be for which ever way things go in the future.

Stay strong!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@this is me....for awhile I was doing good at the 180, then the last two weeks I slipped up. She kissed me passionately a few times the last couple of weeks, what the heck is that about. I just feel that this whole thing has made me worthless, I look in the mirror and I see an Ogre, not a person with good traits.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Go back to the 180. Set bounderies. Do it for the most important person in your life......you!


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

Maybe you should start figuring out how to reduce any opportunities for a kiss. Keep yourself at arm's length as much as possible. If she goes for it, perhaps you could pull away or offer your cheek.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I just don't understand what the heck she is trying to do with the kiss? I mean this is what she wanted, so why try to kiss me? Also yesterday we were talking in the bedroom about kids stuff, then she stripped down naked in front of me to change into her workout clothes. I mean no underwear, no bra, nothing. I know I should've said something, but hey when am I going to see a naked woman again? I just don't understand her thought process.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

The cynic in me says it's about power. She's proving to herself that she still has control over you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

God she never used to be this way, I don't know why she is doing what she is doing, this is so damn tough!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

dymo said:


> The cynic in me says it's about power. She's proving to herself that she still has control over you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Set boundaries. This is unfair to you, and you have to teach her how to treat you. Be firm.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

OMG Proud, she kisses you passionately, she undresses in front of you, and you are not foaming at the mouth angry? Why do you have so little self-respect? Every time you yearn for her like a lost puppy, tell yourself that you deserve better. Tell yourself that you will find a woman who is worthy of your love. Kick her sorry ass to the curb.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Well part of me foams at the mouth, then part of me is week because I don't know when I will get to do that again. The last time she kissed me it really felt like nothing. Oh yeah get this, the last time she undressed in front of me she casually joked, "wanna have sex?"" Really???


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

That is the root of your problem. You don't believe that anyone else will fall in love with you. Aren't you a great guy? You are loyal and love your family. That is very attractive to women. Believe in yourself. Exude confidence, and you will find someone else.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah I love my two children more than anything in the world, I'm a great father!


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## lostintheworld1 (Aug 7, 2011)

IfIwasYourVampire said:


> I dont want my happynes to depend on another person anymore...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel like this too. My wife left, moved out, filed for divorce all because of my infidelity. I live in shame, regret and self-hatred. I thought we could work it out but she tells me that if I love her I will let her go. She says that she needs to learn how to be on her own and that I need to learn how to love myself before I can fully love anyone else. I think that in my relationships I often fall in love and focus myself so much on the relationship that I in a way lose myself. I guess this is something I need to fix.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

> That is the root of your problem. You don't believe that anyone else will fall in love with you.


Your wife knows you feel this way, and she's getting off (sexually and emotionally) on the power she has over you.

This woman is far more sadistic and wicked than I first thought. 

Good for you that you did not take the bait. If you had given in and had sex with her, she would have planted the seed of hope in you.

Then she would have turnedaround and f*cked another man to break your legs and make you crawl to her. 

You need to avoid any situation where she might corner you again and try to beguile you. In fact, you need to stay away from her period. Whay can't the grandparents help you with the transfer of the kids?


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## SailingSoloAgain (Feb 5, 2012)

lostintheworld1 said:


> I feel like this too. My wife left, moved out, filed for divorce all because of my infidelity. I live in shame, regret and self-hatred. I thought we could work it out but she tells me that if I love her I will let her go. She says that she needs to learn how to be on her own and that I need to learn how to love myself before I can fully love anyone else. I think that in my relationships I often fall in love and *focus myself so much on the relationship that I in a way lose myself. * I guess this is something I need to fix.


Does losing yourself cause you to cheat? Is that a way to regain your identity? Sorry if this is a hijack, but it's very pertinent to my situation.


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