# My wife and Missionaries. Is this Infidelity, or is it deeper than this?



## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Where do Ipost this?

I am in a confusing situation. Is this Infidelity, or is it deeper than this? He were having the LDS Missionaries visit us every Sunday, to teach the good word. I finally got Baptised just back on October 23rd of last year, something that my wife had been pushing for the last five years. But here is the rest of the story.....

They were coming over more frequently within the last two weeks before my Baptism. They were coming over almost every day or every other day. Then I asked my wife why they were coming over so often. She said that they needed a place to unwind amnd to relax, where they felt like family. I then asked the Bishop about these frequent visits, if this was o.k. (since I was relatively new to the LDS Religion). He told me that this was not proper behavior, and that this is not the way it is suppose to be, so he stopped the home visits. I haven't seen them around except for in Church on Sundays.

Fast forward a few weeks. I found out through members of the Church that my family were visiting the Missionaries around town. I asked my wife about this. She denied it all. One of her daughters slipped up and told me about a few of the visits. My wife found this out and told me that it was none of my business.

Fast forward a couple weeks. I received my cell phone bill, and saw that the amount due was almost twice as much as usual, and that the minutes were excessively over the limit. She says that there was nothing going on, but I knew better. My one on one time with her had diminished ever since the Missionaries came into the picture.

Here is a side note. I confronted her about the 14 yo daughter and the 22 yo Missionary about their kissing. She totally denied it. I have written proof that this DID happen. My wife would talk to this one Missionary for great lengths of time on the phone, yet Icould barely get five minutes of her time.

I expressed my concerns over this, her reaction was that she booted me out of the house. Just yesterday, she filed a protective order against me, and shut me of of the Bank Account and our Home and Auto insurance. Last night, she told me, in a chance encounter at the Church, that she was filing for a divorce. I was not physically harmful to her, but I did punch three holes in the wall, that I had totally repaired and repainted the entire entryway. I had a temper. It was rare that it came out, but when she kept hounding and hounding on me, I tried to tell her to "please stop", but this did not work. I tried t oleave, but she blocked my path of exit. I then exploded and she got the reaction that she wanted.

By the way. She is also under a depression. She has been taking meds for depression and anxiety for longer than I can remember. She also suffers from PTSD. She claims that it was from her tour of duty in the military, but there are records of child hood trauma that predate the time in the Military.

She had written countless notes, letters and cards saying how wonderful I was, and how I can fix anything, and how she felt so inadequate, and why did she deserve me. Now, she is so cold, that even her beloved father cannot get her to talk or come out of this pit of darkness.

Something else to take into account. Her friends and family had told me that my wife is not the same woman that they have known, that she was a totally different person. She is not the woman that Ihad met five and a half years ago. I don't know what to do other than to continue to go to counseling, ARP classes, and go to Church. The Church Members are seeing the picture, I don't have to say anything.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well she's obviously been having an affair.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She is definitely having an affair. In the first place. The LDS is a patriarchal religion. It believes in the headship of the man. So obviously what your wife is doing has absolutely nothing to do with LDS. You need to go to your bishop and he in turn needs to talk to the sending church and get these kids pulled out of the mission field. I personally doubt that they will do it though. They are more likely to try and cover it up. Any future conversations with your wife must recorded with a voice activated recorder. You must do this for your own protection. Next. You must separate your finances. Set up a new account for your pay checks. Cancel any credit card access that she has, because she can charge up anything and you will be responsible. Unless you file for divorce. Good luck.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Are you sure this is a legit arm of the LDS? I'm not knocking religion here, but it is a well known fact that there are breakaway sects of the Mormon church who were excommunicated for their doctrines, and I see by your location that you are in an area where several of these "cults" operate. It sounds like a rogue cult to me, and your W has been brainwashed. One of the tactics that the "cults" use is to isolate vulnerables from family and friends, convince them that their erstwhile wonderful families are now sinners sent from hell to tempt them, and that divorcing and handing over everything to the church is "God's will", and that is why you've become the bad guy overnight and got "iced" from the accounts.
And did I read that right, was it the 22 year old kissing your 14 year old? If so, I'd have the S.O.B. thrown in jail.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Initfortheduration said:


> She is definitely having an affair. In the first place. The LDS is a patriarchal religion. It believes in the headship of the man. So obviously what your wife is doing has absolutely nothing to do with LDS. You need to go to your bishop and he in turn needs to talk to the sending church and get these kids pulled out of the mission field. I personally doubt that they will do it though. They are more likely to try and cover it up. Any future conversations with your wife must recorded with a voice activated recorder. You must do this for your own protection. Next. You must separate your finances. Set up a new account for your pay checks. Cancel any credit card access that she has, because she can charge up anything and you will be responsible. Unless you file for divorce. Good luck.


Ironically, I have already started to prepare myself for this. Two days ago, I discovered that I was locked out of the bank account, so what money I had in there is basically gone. I will be setting up my own account at another bank today, as that yesterday, the person that I wanted to talk to, was out of the office. Luckily, all I have is a Sears Card, so I will tqake the steps to cancel and/or remove my name from it.

My Bishop had already taken steps to remove him from the area, but the last I know of, he is still active on the other end of the State. I do believe that there is a cover up going on, but if I wish to be dirty, I will send several messages regarding this, along with the proof (letters involving both the missionaries and my wife and daughter), and if necessary, I will post them on the Utah major news papers. BUT, I am not sure of the legal ramifications that this will cause, but I believe, with the proof that I have, that I have the upper hand on this one.

My wife had stated once, as to why the Missionaries were coming over so often, is that she has not had the Priesthood in the house for over ten years, and that she wanted this so desperately. I think that she could not wait for me any longer and that she had taken her own steps to get it. I just found out last night that she had been excommunicated from the Church because of what she had done to an ex-husband ten years ago.

I have gotten myself a VOR Tape recorder recently. I will be using it with any conversation involving my wife, or the Church. I do not wish to be the bad guy, the dirty one, but I feel that I have t otake the necessary steps to protect my self, especially if and when this comes to court.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Are you sure this is a legit arm of the LDS? I'm not knocking religion here, but it is a well known fact that there are breakaway sects of the Mormon church who were excommunicated for their doctrines, and I see by your location that you are in an area where several of these "cults" operate. It sounds like a rogue cult to me, and your W has been brainwashed. One of the tactics that the "cults" use is to isolate vulnerables from family and friends, convince them that their erstwhile wonderful families are now sinners sent from hell to tempt them, and that divorcing and handing over everything to the church is "God's will", and that is why you've become the bad guy overnight and got "iced" from the accounts.
> And did I read that right, was it the 22 year old kissing your 14 year old? If so, I'd have the S.O.B. thrown in jail.


I am aware of these "sects" and I am 90% sure that this ward is not one of them, but this doesn't say anything about where the Missionary came from (Guatemala) and for the record, I am not bashing on Guatemala, just this one person in particular. I know that they will have a basis as to where the religion starts, but it will be defined based on their point-of-view, and their beliefs.

Yes, you did read correctly. I have letters from BOTH of them, the 14 YO daughter, and the 22 YO Missionary regarding how good it was to feel each others kiss. My Bishops face turned white, then red, after I had told him this, and that I had proof. With out exposing the fact that I have copies of these letters to my wife, I cannot convince my wife otherwise, unless she already knows this, and is denying any information related to their interaction. Yes, Ido want him thrown in jail, but without the Church "accepting" responsibility, this cannot happen otherwise. Besides, he has been transferred to another part of the State.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Well, lets hope - that other part of the state is far enough away or we can get these guys out of the country. 

What is your plan - is it to reconcile or proceed with Plan D?

BTW - the religion is not the problem - it's the people that taint it. 

Good luck Brother.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Powerbane said:


> Well, lets hope - that other part of the state is far enough away or we can get these guys out of the country.
> 
> What is your plan - is it to reconcile or proceed with Plan D?
> 
> ...


Thanks for your post Powerbane. I feel as though you are a Brother.

Vernal is located near Dinosaur Natl. Monument. St. George is located at the lower left corner of theState. This is probably as far as they can get him without him leaving the State.

My plan is to not give up hope, and to find reconciliation, and for the both of us to go through counseling (althogh I highly suggest that she finds another counselor). I do not want divorce. I know that things will not be the same, but I know that things can be better.

I know that the religion is not the problem and that it is what people make of it. My ward is a good ward. I trust the Bishopric and some of the members (but not all of the members).


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Why can't he leave the state-parole? You don't need the church, he committed statutory rape and taking sexual liberties with a minor. If you were any kind of real father, you'd call the police!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Look at rules 75-79

http://www.lds4u.com/Missionaries/rules.htm


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## avenrandom (Sep 13, 2010)

Regardless of the bishop, if the Mission President is informed, he is required to send that missionary home. If you contact the local police, they will be required to take action. However, it's common here in Utah (much more common in smaller towns) for the police to work with the church. It's possible the church could send him home when informed, so that he doesn't go to jail. If you get the fair side of the deal however, he would absolutely be taken into custody, or the mission president wouldn't be allowed to move him until an investigation in finished (with proof). As far as informing local new agencies, this will not go over well. Unless the church / police are actively involved, local news agencies will not get involved in the personal matters of individuals due to the backlash this could cause them (see: all of the LDS followers of that particular news station... KSL in particular which thrives on his pro-LDS standing). You need to contact the police, and do it sooner than later.

The church of course has a lot of unfit people serving, and it's terrible to hear about this happening. It was one bishop who caused my entire family to stop attending church- but don't allow the imperfect actions of imperfect individuals tarnish your beliefs.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

That's quite a story.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Why can't he leave the state-parole? You don't need the church, he committed statutory rape and taking sexual liberties with a minor. If you were any kind of real father, you'd call the police!


Thanks for the slap-in-the-face. LOL.

I originally did not because I was keeping the peace with my wife, plus, I assumed tha tthe Church had already taken care of this. But now that I no longer live there, I will make that call right when I get off this computer. I may not be her real father, but those kids are as though they were mine.
Thanks.:smthumbup:


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

michzz said:


> Look at rules 75-79
> 
> http://www.lds4u.com/Missionaries/rules.htm


Thank you so much for that link! I have been looking for something like this.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

avenrandom said:


> Regardless of the bishop, if the Mission President is informed, he is required to send that missionary home. If you contact the local police, they will be required to take action. However, it's common here in Utah (much more common in smaller towns) for the police to work with the church. It's possible the church could send him home when informed, so that he doesn't go to jail. If you get the fair side of the deal however, he would absolutely be taken into custody, or the mission president wouldn't be allowed to move him until an investigation in finished (with proof). As far as informing local new agencies, this will not go over well. Unless the church / police are actively involved, local news agencies will not get involved in the personal matters of individuals due to the backlash this could cause them (see: all of the LDS followers of that particular news station... KSL in particular which thrives on his pro-LDS standing). You need to contact the police, and do it sooner than later.
> 
> The church of course has a lot of unfit people serving, and it's terrible to hear about this happening. It was one bishop who caused my entire family to stop attending church- but don't allow the imperfect actions of imperfect individuals tarnish your beliefs.


Thank you for your post. This was some good information to follow. I am not letting this one individual to steer me away from the Church. I have met some great people who are genuine. The Bishop did what he was suppoded to do, so I will have to take this up with the Stake President, or have a talk with the Bishop again to express my concerns.

In the meantime, I am not sure that the local Ploice can do anything, since this member had already moved, but I will take copies of my proof to the Police and see what they can do. Who knows, maybe they can alert the authorities where he is. My wife will not like me for this, but since she had started the Divorce, what all do I have to lose (or gain)? Alimony payments?:scratchhead:


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

avenrandom is right. Forget about your wife regarding this issue. She did all this because she doesn't respect you. Go to whoever is necessary to get this guy removed from the mission field. And a pedofile record would serve him right. In fact I think it would actually be better for your marriage if you did this. If your wife confronts you, you simply say "so this is the type of priesthood you wanted to bring into my home, a pedofile?". Tell her she needs sincere psychiatric help if that's the type of religion she wants. May just be the slap in her face she needs. Also be sure to expose this to everyone in your family and your wife's. There is no shame on you. You need your whole family behind you. Remember, show the proof to the cops, get him arrested and be proud of it.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Initfortheduration said:


> avenrandom is right. Forget about your wife regarding this issue. She did all this because she doesn't respect you. Go to whoever is necessary to get this guy removed from the mission field. And a pedofile record would serve him right. In fact I think it would actually be better for your marriage if you did this. If your wife confronts you, you simply say "so this is the type of priesthood you wanted to bring into my home, a pedofile?". Tell her she needs sincere psychiatric help if that's the type of religion she wants. May just be the slap in her face she needs. Also be sure to expose this to everyone in your family and your wife's. There is no shame on you. You need your whole family behind you. Remember, show the proof to the cops, get him arrested and be proud of it.


After I closed my store last night, I went straight to the Police Station, with all the proof that I had, printed paper and a memory stick. The officer started to review the papers, but after fifteen minutes of reading just the first few pages, he infomed me that he will need more time to review everything. Unfortunately he told me, unless there was more contact than just kissing and holding hands, there probably won't be enough to charge the perp. But he did say for me to not lose hope, he did agree that this was very inappropriate behavior. He is not religious, but he still said that there must be boundaries. I feel a great weight lifted off of me when I did this. I am a man, and a father, who cares for his children. I was scared of reporting these incidents before, but with what my wife is doing now, I no longer have these restraints. But, I am scared though, she use to be in the Air Force, during Deseret Storm. She has guns, and a history of anxiety and depression. She had been on at least seven different types of antidepressants within the last ten years that I am aware of.

I told him my story that happened a few weeks before of when I blew up at the two missionaries, when my wife was going to take them hiking while I worked on her Jeep, including my f-bombs and for him to leave my property. One of the missionaries puffed up his chest and started to threaten me. Instead of me doing something terrible to him, I got in my truck and left the situation. The officer told me that I did good by leaving the situation, for that he may not have restrained himself as well as I did.



> "Tell her she needs sincere psychiatric help"


Believe me, I have tried this. She just threw it back into my face and told everyone that she is tired of me telling everyone how I am "doing better than her" in a sarcastic way, when in fact, all I am doing is trying to inform her, in a kind, soft voice, that I am making improvements, much like she had asked me to do.

She does not have a "happy medium". She has to control the situation at all times, and her emotions are well out of the average range. She takes things to the extreme, either she is extremely happy, or she is extremely sad, etc.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Good to see that you talked to the fuzz in this situation, have you talked to a good lawyer?


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Good to see that you talked to the fuzz in this situation, have you talked to a good lawyer?


Thank you. I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders when I did this. My conscience is clean.

According to the officer that I had spoke to, there may not be much that can be done, but I am not giving up. At least this report is on record now, so that if anything does happen in the future, there will be a record of it.


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