# My fitness pal for cyber sex



## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

Most of you know my story, wife taking secret nude photos, locked phone ect. Well it turns out she was a really **** on myfitnesspal. 

I don't care what they say that is cheating. They say "it is not real" but it is. She has been in relationships with users for at least 10 weeks. 

One of her favorite cyber sex partners lives in New Jersey and on Thursday night she was all alone in Baltimore at the Hilton on a business trip. 

What a perfect set-up for them. Both married and a chance to hook up at the Baltimore Hilton. 

Red flags are flying because she didn't talk about the trip and she always talks about her business trips, where she is going to stay what restaurants she is going to check out. 

She does her research before hand and she got lucky getting a cheap rate at the Hilton. 

I called the Hilton security and asked if it was common for divorces to subpoena video showing married people cheating. They transferred me to Julius the head of security at the Hilton and he said yes all the time. He said I can come at look but he can't give me a copy but I'm 1000 miles away from Baltimore. 

Anyway she swears it was just like porn and it is not real, that those people could 80 yr old men just using photos they downloaded and it is not them. 

Last night I agreed not to proceed with divorce if we have total transparency. She did NOT agree to totally transparency but she agreed to unlock her phone and give it to me whenever I want. She said that should be an acceptable compromise. 

Well I looked at her phone and while I was sleeping last night around 1 am she accepted a friends request from a 23 year old guy she doesn't know. 

I don't see this stopping, I do believe it is cheating. Also I believe she did have a hook up in Baltimore, too many red flags on that, my gut is screaming she slept with the guy from New Jersey. I don't want to go into all the red flags but they are HUGE on this, my gut is screaming louder at me than the x rated locked photos on her phone. 

I don't know what to do, my life really sucks right now.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

If she did not agree to total transparency, then you are wasting your time with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lexis (Feb 11, 2016)

She'll communicate with guys another way. 

You've accomplished nothing.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

You know the answer. You are still in DENIAL

Trust your gut.

You can get the answer with a polygraph, which I am sure she weill refuse. Can you guess why????

No matter how many different ways you tell this story it will not change nor will the advice you get.

So i will repeat what I told you initially

*"Married women do not take nude pictures of themselves, hide them from their husband, send them to other men repeatedly, and not have the intention of cheating."
*

Now if you cannot afford a PI, the only way you will get the truth is a polygraph. And by the way, her giving you access to her phone when SHE WANTS TO , is not transparency at all.

And since she sounds like an experienced adulteress, you also might want to search every inch of your house and her car for a burner phone, and i would start with her lingerie drawer or anywhere you normally would not look.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Vikings said:


> Most of you know my story, wife taking secret nude photos, locked phone ect. Well it turns out she was a really **** on myfitnesspal.
> 
> I don't care what they say that is cheating. They say "it is not real" but it is. She has been in relationships with users for at least 10 weeks.
> 
> ...


Nope, not acceptable.

Yes, what she's doing is cheating. And there's more than you currently know, otherwise she'd have agreed to transparency.

Tell her that you're flying to Baltimore to look at hotel security footage. Her reaction should tell you a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

I took a polygraph decades ago for a job position, I lied my ass off and passed.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

How long will the Hilton keep the footage? I say take a day off from work and make a trip to Baltimore.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

its not necessarily the poly that has value, it's the threat of a poly. 

But frankly you know what she is up to, minus some dirty details. 

Meet with an attorney. Protect yourself, your assets, your parental rights.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Vikings said:


> Last night I agreed not to proceed with divorce if we have total transparency.


Well that pretty much answers it.

Proceed with divorce. Pretty simple no?

You laid down the marker as a man and her spouse. She shot you down. So how do you expect her to respect you or your ultimatums when you have actual proof she's friending guys and going off to places to sleep with them.

Stop threatening and start showing her her actions have consequences and that anything less than the full sum of what you ask is unacceptable.

You asked, she said no.

What's the consequence? And when do you start asking for respect after this continual disrespect?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

what you have is an unrelenting spouse who will stop at nothing for her own self gratification, i think she needs to understand the ramification of her actions and she doesn't...it does not sound like there is a bit of remorse. i'm not sure you have anything to work with yet or at all.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Contact the real head of security for the Hilton. With a threat of a law suit.

They might decide to send you a copy of the video.

https://www.linkedin.com/title/director-of-security-at-hilton-worldwide


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

She would rather get a divorce than give up her my fitness pal. She joined at the beginning of November and the affairs started by the end of November early December. November 1st she weighed 167, today she weighs 137 and looks great, she is 5'7". She has all her foods in there, counts her calories logs her workouts and doesn't want to give all that up. All her "friends" on my fitness pal are notified whenever she logs in her workouts and how much weight she has lost and they all comment, "oh babe, you are melting away". 

I workout, and in good shape 6'1" and 206 as of this morning. 

We have been together 19 years and she is NOT a cheater until this started. I'm telling you guys this is WAY out of character for her. She is so happy about what she has accomplished and loves all the attention she gets there. I tell her everyday how great she looks, and since December we have been having some of the best sex together ever in our marriage. 

When these affairs were going on over the last 10 weeks, she wasn't mean to me, she was always nice, happy, and wanting sex. However she was not interacting with me and our son like normal, she was either working, home working out, or cyber sexing at my fitness pal. 

I want to make it work, she says she loves me tons and wants to stay together, however I think she has now eating the forbidden fruit and it will be impossible for her not to stray again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She pretty much told you how much she values the marriage didn't she? 

You said transparency and she said no way.

How have things been at home lately? You didn't make her move out?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It's cheating. Baltimore was a hookup. It's not stopping. She said that should be an "acceptable compromise"??????? You don't compromise on lying, cheating, etcetera. Anything less than total transparency means she is still doing things behind your back.

I am 100% certain that cybersex which my ex was involved in resulted in a total loss of romantic feelings for me by her. That's what cybersex does, besides resulting in cheating.
For these people that do this to say it's not real and no big deal--- is a total lie.

Your wife already had zero romantic feelings for you, or she would be crushed by the thought of divorce and wouldn't want to be "compromising" with you. This shows a total lack of respect for you.

You didn't listen.... You should have laid the hammer down. Filed, asked her to move out, and stopped talking to her. If you'd have shocked her into being scared to death about losing her cushy life, you'd have had a chance at reconciliation. I personally think you have shown her you're willing to accept whatever **** sandwich she feeds you. Get ready for more. You're just drawing out your pain, OP, and I hate to see it. Hate it for you.
But good luck and I hope I'm all wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Just read your last post....
It makes no difference how she was in the past. Now she is a cheater.
She wiukd choose "my fitness pal" over you?????? That's ludicrous.

I totally understand how you feel.

Your wife seemed happy and was having lots of great sex with you. If she were good with you, she wouldn't need the other. The disconnect will continue to build if you stand by and let it. If she loved you, she won't divorce over this childish nonsense. You have got to show her you are willing to lose her if she's willing to poop on her vows.

It does sound like you have a chance at saving your marriage with her if you would just take a stand and be firm. Don't let this continue, or she WON'T be coming home and being sweet to you and giving you great sex in the future.
She's having a great life with a great husband---- and enjoying other men as well. It won't work,
I could be wrong. I hope.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Viking why don't you just quit fighting it. The trouble is, you come on here with a lot of talk about what you are going to do and a fantasy about what you wish you could be to stop being treated like a stooge.
Now you're back with another thread trying to crayfish out of the corner you painted yourself into when you let your mouth overload what your azz is willing to do. (and not look like a complete dolt to the people here). 
Just to clue you in and give you some solace, she, we and you know you ain't going anywhere and will still be around when the cows come home.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

ThePheonix- I don't care that I look like a dolt to people here, if that is what the character of the users here then I should stop coming for help. It is hard to blow up the marriage when it has been great for 20 years and we have a kid. I want to make sure that is the only option before I do it. If that is looking like a dolt then so be it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Vikings said:


> ThePheonix- I don't care that I look like a dolt to people here, if that is what the character of the users here then I should stop coming for help. It is hard to blow up the marriage when it has been great for 20 years and we have a kid. I want to make sure that is the only option before I do it. If that is looking like a dolt then so be it.


Nobody thinks that at all. We have been where you are. We know how badly you want your marriage to work out, how illogical it seems that all this is even happening. 
We just have all been through similar stuff and see where the road ends if you show weakness. 

Phoenix is right in that she knows you're not going anywhere. So she is changing NOTHING about her actions.
You have got to change that dynamic or your marriage is doomed.

We are all with you in this. But you're making mistakes and we don't want to see another freaking divorce!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Just because you file, doesn't mean you have to divorce. But it may come to that. Regardless of what you want. She doesn't care what you want.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You don't look like a dolt, you've been dealt a crappy hand over the last couple of months.

See an attorney. Filing for divorce doesn't mean you are divorced. The process can be stopped anytime you want, especially if she shows 100 percent remorse and agrees to 100 percent transparency.

It shows her you mean business, and expect your wife to act like an actual goddam wife or she is out the door. She needs to see the consequences of her actions. She is addicted to the attention that she is getting. And like addicts of alcohol or drugs she needs to hit rock bottom to see what her behavior has destroyed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> You don't look like a dolt, you've been dealt a crappy hand over the last couple of months.
> 
> See an attorney. Filing for divorce doesn't mean you are divorced. The process can be stopped anytime you want, especially if she shows 100 percent remorse and agrees to 100 percent transparency.
> 
> ...


Absolutely!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Vikings said:


> ThePheonix- I don't care that I look like a dolt to people here, if that is what the character of the users here then I should stop coming for help. It is hard to blow up the marriage when it has been great for 20 years and we have a kid. I want to make sure that is the only option before I do it. If that is looking like a dolt then so be it.


She's refused to commit to transparency.

She's refused to stop wh*ring herself on MFP.

It's so important to her, in fact, that she'd rather divorce than give it up.

What else do you need to know?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Vikings said:


> One of her favorite cyber sex partners lives in New Jersey and on Thursday night she was *all alone* in Baltimore at the Hilton on a business trip.


No she wasn't.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was "addicted" to a local forum I visited. I would often joke that if the webfilters at work blocked that forum, I would quit. But was I joking? The problem was not entirely the forum. It was that I enjoyed the attention from the females that it brought. I never had sex with, exchanged pictures with, fell in love with any of them. I flirted. And THAT was just as wrong and JUST as deadly. She is addicted to something that gives her pleasure. It may have led to or may lead to a physical affair. It could also be emotional. It's not likely to change, save some serious reformation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

stevehowefan said:


> I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was "addicted" to a local forum I visited. I would often joke that if the webfilters at work blocked that forum, I would quit. But was I joking? The problem was not entirely the forum. It was that I enjoyed the attention from the females that it brought. I never had sex with, exchanged pictures with, fell in love with any of them. I flirted. And THAT was just as wrong and JUST as deadly. *She is addicted to something that gives her pleasure. It may have led to or may lead to a physical affair. It could also be emotional. It's not likely to change, save some serious reformation.*


:iagree:

And you can believe it's emotional.

She's spent a significant amount of time emotionally investing herself w/ respect to the inappropriate attention that she's getting outside of her marriage, along w/ everything that she has to do in order to continue getting said attention.

And these things _always_ escalate if they continue unabated.

So, assuming that she hasn't _already_ physically cheated (and it's pretty likely that she has), it won't be long before she's crossed that line. And when that happens, you can believe that she'll have already rewritten the narrative that she's _already_ spun to justify what she's _already_ done in order to justify having done that.

Make no mistake, @Vikings... this isn't "just porn".

And here's another thought...

It's not so much that your wife wants to reconcile your marriage on her bullsh*t, uneven, unacceptable terms (although that's a HUGE problem)... _it's that she doesn't see a problem w/ what she's done (insofar as you're currently aware, anyway) and therefore doesn't feel that there's anything to reconcile._


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

OK, buddy.

Listen, this has NOTHING to do with being a "dolt" or whatever you call it. it does have to do with putting your head in the sand, which by the way is NOT uncommon.

So now we have established the fact that you passed a polygraph YEARS ago when lying. How about maybe methods and evaluation techniques maY have improved. OR how about that maybe your wife is not as skilled at being a CIA operative as you and will not be able to beat it.

But lets leave that one aside. Do you have a VAR in her car?? If not, because i guarantee you if she met up with the guy in Baltimore she talked to him in her car at some point or maybe even blabbed to a girlfriend about what she was doing.

The bottom line is how do you go on WITHOUT the truth.

You asked for total transparency. SHE TOLD YOU TO STICK IT , and gave it to you on HER terms.

back to the polygraph, even if you have NO intention of doing it, when she turns as white as Casper The Ghost when you mention it, that will tell you something.

So it appears, that because she has never cheated in 19 years or whatever, that you are willing to accept her cyber sex relationships so that she feels great about herself. Now lets assume she did not bang the guy from NJ in Baltimore ( I would not bet my 401K on that one), do you really think that when she send some pictures of her snatch to some guy who lives 5 miles from your house, that she will not act.

She is addicted to the ego kibbles, and the reason people are being a little harsh to you is that you seem to be willing to accept it. And if that is the case, you are correct. Then you really do not need any advice.

I am confused at why you think the posts you get are going to tell you that all is well, and what is going on is just fine because you have a long marriage???


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

straightshooter said:


> So it appears, that because she has never cheated in 19 years or whatever, that you are willing to accept her cyber sex relationships so that she feels great about herself. Now lets assume she did not bang the guy from NJ in Baltimore ( I would not bet my 401K on that one), do you really think that when she send some *pictures of her snatch* to some guy who lives 5 miles from your house, that she will not act.


Don't beat around the bush. Tell us what you really think! >


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Your wife IS cheating, and you're ok with that is what I'm hearing.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Total transparency or no dice. This is your only option.

Tell her you want a divorce (you don't have to mean it, but she has to think you mean it). This is the ONLY thing that woke me up. 

If this does not wake her up, you have your answer on where she stands on your marriage. And if it doesn't force total transparency and her fighting for the marriage, you're better off without her. Because it will continue and escalate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Denial is not a river in Egypt.

If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Man, this gets worse every time. If you don't have the strength to D then maybe you're going to shake up things in a different way. 

Stop enabling her by doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Start going out. Reconnect with friends. If none are around, join groups in activities that you'll have fun in and will get you out of the house interacting with others. If the activity has woman, it'll be even better. Make yourself scarce around the house. If you have to walk around in the mall or in the library so be it. Don't let her know what you're up to. It's time for DREAD.

When you step down from being wife and mother, it'll force your wife to become a mother. If the place becomes a pig pen, let it. If she forces your kid to eat McDonald everyday for a while or makes him miss on his activities, eventually he'll complain to her. He'll be fine. She needs to be shamed. 

You're supposed to be a Viking. Start looking and acting like one. Go join a MMA gym and become a ferocious Viking bad @ss. Mr Mom has to leave the bldg and a Viking who's always out pillaging must take his place.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

So it hit me to check her work cellphone and she let me look at the call log and voice and text messages but when I looked at the Skype she freaked and attacked me to get her phone back. She lied and said they were not skyping but they were and she will not show me the account to prove the stopped. Some Valetines day I'm having.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Today is Valentines Day.

Tomorrow is Presidents Day.

Tuesday should be Independence Day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Vikings said:


> It is hard to blow up the marriage when it has been great for 20 years and we have a kid. If that is looking like a dolt then so be it.


Apparently the 20 years and a kid means a hell of a lot more to you than it does to her. Res ipsa loquitur my man.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Vikings said:


> So it hit me to check her work cellphone and she let me look at the call log and voice and text messages but when I looked at the Skype she freaked and attacked me to get her phone back. She lied and said they were not skyping but they were and she will not show me the account to prove the stopped. Some Valetines day I'm having.


I'm sorry . I had a similar scenario playing out about a year ago. I'm happily single this year.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Wait a minute. Didn't you post in another thread that you were done with her? I might be thinking of another thread.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Vikings said:


> So it hit me to check her work cellphone and she let me look at the call log and voice and text messages but *when I looked at the Skype she freaked and attacked me to get her phone back.* She lied and said they were not skyping but they were and she will not show me the account to prove the stopped. Some Valetines day I'm having.


Dude you're way to nice. Why would you give her back the phone without looking at the skype history? You need to get mad. Let her fear your wrath not the other way around. 

You're taking D off the table, refusing to move in any direction. More of the same is just emboldening your WW. Please read the other threads. Look at the carnage of all the BHs who are weak and indecisive. Go to Loveshack's OW section. Read the mentality of WW's like your wife.

Is this what you want for the remainder of your life. 
You need to lawyer up ASAP. Don't let her know you're doing so. Split the finances. Take her off of your credit cards, kick her out of marriage bed, expose to her family and friends, and have her served at work.

Then start making yourself scarce. Force her to be a mother. Don't enable her hanging out by doing chores, and childcare. Get the h3ll out of the house. You need to become of fvcking heartless pr1ck.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You cannot believe a word she says. She has done a lot more than you know. Your gut is right - she has had sex with at least one of the guys. She will continue to lie to you about everything including that she wants to save the marriage. She values her life outside your marriage more than she does her family.

Divorce is the only option now. You cannot save what you do not have. 

She has checked out and established an outside life that does not include you and she is not willing to give it up for the sake of the family.

Make your exit plans.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

@Vikings - I think what it all comes down to is that you are fearful to divorce her. When you figure out why that is, then you can work through that part. But, pretending like your wife loves you, that's not the answer here. Sounds like her weight was the only thing that kept her from going outside of the marriage, now that she is into the fitness lifestyle, men are paying attention to her, and her desire for that is greater than being faithful to you. That is the truth of it, honestly. So, maybe reflect, and take some time to figure out why you are fearful to end the marriage, because it's best to face what actually scares you. Often, we are scared to leave the familiar, even if it's a 'bad' familiar, than we are to venture out into the unknown. I promise you, the unknown is better than what you are dealing with, right now


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## Pob (Jan 7, 2016)

You're getting a lot of 180 advice. You're lucky to have found this site. 5y ago my wife had a yr long EA with a coworker. It wasn't until I started to talk to someone last year that she realized hart actions. I still don't understand that. I learned to 180 without
This site, and she came around. You need to claim your own life without her, EXACTLY as she has done to you. Then you will see her true colors. She's in attention whorre fog land bc you have this set up
To happen. Have her watch the kids. If she whorres out with kids in house you just made your case stronger to a judge. You need to hVe D papers readily available bc she will not change. She's an
Addict now in love with her new self.aybe your old
Wife died. Maybe you can get her back but if she freaked about the skype it's bc she has a plan. She is using skype as her next step scope out to see if
She wants more. Gather you're info and take the advice here. Good luck.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Vikings said:


> So it hit me to check her work cellphone and she let me look at the call log and voice and text messages but when I looked at the Skype she freaked and attacked me to get her phone back. She lied and said they were not skyping but they were and she will not show me the account to prove the stopped. Some Valetines day I'm having.


Liar, liar, crotch on fire...


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Vikings said:


> *She would rather get a divorce than give up her my fitness pal.*


You need to read this over and over and over.




Vikings said:


> We have been together 19 years and she is NOT a cheater until this started. I'm telling you guys this is WAY out of character for her.


And this is the part you're not getting. 
Your wife is a cheater. 
End of story.
No matter how much justification you make, she is a cheater.




Vikings said:


> I want to make it work, she says she loves me tons and wants to stay together, however I think she has now eating the forbidden fruit and it will be impossible for her not to stray again.


As you were told in your other thread numerous times, *YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS WORK IF YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP THAT WANTS THIS*

Time for bluntness:
You wife is a cheater.
She is a liar.
She is a marriage wrecker.
She is no longer the woman you married
You are still longing for the woman you thought existed - that person is gone, forever.

1) 180 like two weeks ago
2) STD Check - you need to be safe
3) Lawyer tomorrow
4) Seriously consider DNA your kids (it doesn't change the fact that they are your kids - you are showing her that she has broken every bit of trust)
5) Start protecting yourself and kids financially
6) you need to start exposing

If you are still fooling yourself into thinking you can save this marriage, then you need to remember - you have to be willing to loose the marriage in order to save it.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> @Vikings - I think what it all comes down to is that you are fearful to divorce her. When you figure out why that is, then you can work through that part. But, pretending like your wife loves you, that's not the answer here. *Sounds like her weight was the only thing that kept her from going outside of the marriage, now that she is into the fitness lifestyle, men are paying attention to her, and her desire for that is greater than being faithful to you. That is the truth of it, honestly. *So, maybe reflect, and take some time to figure out why you are fearful to end the marriage, because it's best to face what actually scares you. Often, we are scared to leave the familiar, even if it's a 'bad' familiar, than we are to venture out into the unknown. I promise you, the unknown is better than what you are dealing with, right now


Yep, he endured a fatty for 18 years out of love and respect for the vows they took. But it seems that the wife was just settling for the marriage. Now that she's looking hot, it straight to wh0re town. 

We have had so many threads like this. There was this thread on LS of a WW with 3 daughters, one with special needs, married to a police officer that hired his friend to do a major reno on their house. The woman lost a lot of weight and immediately was on AM banging a stranger and was simultaneously having a EA/PA with her BH's friend working on their house. 

That is how a man's loyalty to an unattractive wife is rewarded MANY times.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

jsmart said:


> Yep, he endured a fatty for 18 years out of love and respect for the vows they took. But it seems that the wife was just settling for the marriage. Now that she's looking hot, it straight to wh0re town.
> 
> We have had so many threads like this. There was this thread on LS of a WW with 3 daughters, one with special needs, married to a police officer that hired his friend to do a major reno on their house. The woman lost a lot of weight and immediately was on AM banging a stranger and was simultaneously having a EA/PA with her BH's friend working on their house.
> 
> That is how a man's loyalty to an unattractive wife is rewarded MANY times.


I think it is often the woman who thinks she has settled for her husband. When she looses a lot of weight and starts getting attention from other men, she thinks she is suddenly too good to be with the dumb azz average man who has been a dedicated husband for 20 years.

So she finds someone else who will give her all the attention she thinks she deserves for now being a Hottie.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I'm sorry, Vikings, but from everything you've shared with us, it sounds like you've lost her. I'm so sorry.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jsmart said:


> That is how a man's loyalty to an unattractive wife is rewarded MANY times.


It often works the same way for women. They settle for a lard azz who later starts working out and starts running with some other chick. 
It will behoove men to take my advise an never get involved in a relationship with a woman who loves you less than you love her. You don't have to worry about knowing. If she loves you more, she'll show it because she won't be able to avoid it.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Amen,
@Vikings 

You are not a dolt. Your are a sane person desperately trying to bring sanity to an insane relationship. In doing so you are attempting to let this infection run it's course in hopes it will go away. 95 percent of the posters to your thread in someway or another tried to go down the same route you. The voices here are sharing are saying; been there, done that, don't go there. 

Look you will will make mistakes, you will have regrets later about your choices, you will think back and think, how could I ave been so dumb. Let it go, change course and move forward - that's all.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Yep, he endured a fatty for 18 years out of love and respect for the vows they took. But it seems that the wife was just settling for the marriage. Now that she's looking hot, it straight to wh0re town.
> 
> We have had so many threads like this. There was this thread on LS of a WW with 3 daughters, one with special needs, married to a police officer that hired his friend to do a major reno on their house. The woman lost a lot of weight and immediately was on AM banging a stranger and was simultaneously having a EA/PA with her BH's friend working on their house.
> 
> That is how a man's loyalty to an unattractive wife is rewarded MANY times.


It reminds me of a guy at my gym who is probably in his 40's...and he is pretty fit (now), but his wife remained very over weight, (he used to be over weight) and they are going through a divorce now...hmmm. I feel sorry for her. When his mid-life crisis is over ...wonder if he'll miss his ex wife. He has hit on me, and every other woman at the gym, it's not comical, it's just sad to me to watch.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

3leafclover said:


> Sorry to hear what you're going through, Vikings.
> 
> MFP can be a great tool, but it is no place for a married person with really weak boundaries. I had a feeling your wife's cheating was related to that site as soon as you mentioned it in your original thread. I use it for the tool it is, but I steer clear of the social forums and am very careful about the people I add to my friends list there because I could see the danger from the start. However, my own history makes me hyper-aware of those dangers and determined to avoid them. Reconciliation can't even really start unless your wife is willing and ready to move towards that kind of mentality.
> 
> I'm sure the site has been good for her weight, but it's been very bad for her in other ways and very bad for your marriage. Her boundaries are *not* strong enough to be there or any other sites like it. She misused the tool, and she needs to accept that the consequence of that is having to give it up. If she can't accept that and be fully transparent with you in other ways, then her heart is nowhere near ready for reconciliation and you're going to need to let her face the even harder consequence of losing you and your life together.





TDSC60 said:


> I think it is often the woman who thinks she has settled for her husband. When she looses a lot of weight and starts getting attention from other men, she thinks she is suddenly too good to be with the dumb azz average man who has been a dedicated husband for 20 years.
> 
> So she finds someone else who will give her all the attention she thinks she deserves for now being a Hottie.


This is basically some of the things my ex told me. She said, "have you ever thought that maybe you loved me more than I ever loved you"?
Why then, was she begging me to marry her for 4 years????

Yes, their thoughts about things become skewed. Skewed negatively toward their husband every way they can imagine
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> It reminds me of a guy at my gym who is probably in his 40's...and he is pretty fit (now), but his wife remained very over weight, (he used to be over weight) and they are going through a divorce now...hmmm. I feel sorry for her. When his mid-life crisis is over ...wonder if he'll miss his ex wife. He has hit on me, and every other woman at the gym, it's not comical, it's just sad to me to watch.


It is sad. It happens with both sexes but I find it way more likely that a woman will want to upgrade if her husband doesn't up his game. I've seen that men develop wife goggles. To them, their wife is hot, sexy, and "all that." 

Don't know how many couples I've know where they both were slightly over weight but through the years, the wife gains more weight especially after having a few kids. Years later the husband starts to lose some weight, still over weight but big improvement, while the wife just coast. These men still have the hots for their wives. I don't see what these guys see in them but to their husband, their wives are hot. I just chalk it up to wife goggles.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

jsmart said:


> It is sad. It happens with both sexes but I find it way more likely that a woman will want to upgrade if her husband doesn't up his game. I've seen that men develop wife goggles. To them, their wife is hot, sexy, and "all that."
> 
> Don't know how many couples I've know where they both were slightly over weight but through the years, the wife gains more weight especially after having a few kids. Years later the husband starts to lose some weight, still over weight but big improvement, while the wife just coast. These men still have the hots for their wives. I don't see what these guys see in them but to their husband, their wives are hot. I just chalk it up to wife goggles.


Yea, that's interesting. I read an article recently that women initiate divorce more than men. 

As it relates to this topic, it might not be that Vikings' wife doesn't find him appealing anymore, but rather that she is receiving a lot of attention for her new found fitness, and her husband doesn't share the same sentiments because it's all new to her, the comments from random strangers. The sad sad part of it all is, that on those websites, (I belong to one)...all day long, those guys are telling the same lines to every chick they see. lol Vikings' wife is about to destroy her entire marriage over a few strangers online feeding her lines, that they probably are telling 100's of women per week. In other words, she isn't anything special, that's just the nature of those types of sites.  That's the even sadder thing of it all, and when she comes to realize that she was just another chick online...her husband will be long gone. (well, he should be)

But, he has to figure it out.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

See? Three threads, one deleted and the advice hasn't changed. Start as many as you want, as long as you bend to her will she is going to do what you do not like. She knows you won't divorce her so ,she got you to compromise and you did. I'd go talk to a lawyer, hire a PI if necessary and see what my options are before agreeing to anything.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jsmart said:


> I don't see what these guys see in them but to their husband, their wives are hot. I just chalk it up to wife goggles.


May be because of the superb way their wives treat them. Some men out there, especially those with even a rudimentary knowledge of women, knows there's a lot more to a woman than nice tits and azz. Take my word for it my man.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> she got you to compromise and you did.


"Compromise" in his case seems to be a bit of a misnomer. He told her what he wanted. She told him the way its going to be, and that is apparently going to be that.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

There's just no way TO compromise on what her behavior is. One can't "kinda" cheat. 
You can bet if the situation were reversed, she wouldn't toke rate this crap out of him. 
The way I see it, Viking does everything. She gets to coast through life. He needs to put major pressure on her by filing for divorce and not talking to her.
If she makes a stupid decision and chooses male attention over your love, so be it. It is highly unlikely that she will find a man that takes care of her as well as liking, and gives her all the love he has.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> "Compromise" in his case seems to be a bit of a misnomer.


 Nope, not at all.



> He told her what he wanted. She told him the way its going to be, and that is apparently going to be that.


He made an offer, she made a counter offer and then they agreed. He doesn't get total transparency, she doesn't get total privacy. So, we will disagree. Now, let's not pretend all compromises are equal. He received the shorter end and is now lashing out at the posters because he understands who made the bigger concession.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You can make your choice to share your wife ,but it's going to an emotional hell and we keep cracking you over the head with our 2x4's cuz we have seen this shyt time and again and continue to read how phucked up the betrayted gets as their wayward spouse keeps calling the shots.

At the end of the day your kid doesn't deserve to be around an emotionaly abused parent so with that said make some choices and live with the cost of having a few benifits.

Either way the choices you make will have a cost but they also have benifits....you gotta figure out that shyt on your own.

I'm wired different then most....phuck the poly and go straight to getting your old lady fitted for a chastity belt....she can flirt all she wants, you know she won't get banged up on your dime and you you won;t have to raise some other POS's kid and it's a win win.... she can keep her sercrets and you can keep the key.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For what it's worth...I still can't believe you comprimised on the transparentcy thing....thats a fundamental piece of the puzzle when pputting back together a phucked up marriage like yours and mine.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

That was obviously a huge mistake and if he hasn't figured that out already, well, he soon will.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Is she developmentally disabled?

How is someone that dumb to keep cheating right in front of their spouse?

It might be funny if Vikings wasn't acting like a lightweight.

Why don't you live up to your name partner?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

The responses here are harsh, but they come from folks with experience. 

I wish I'd had this forum way back when when I discovered what my ex-husband was doing. It makes me wonder if things would have ended differently if I'd handled things in a better way. I recognize the wisdom in a lot of the advice here (things I did NOT do).


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Vikings said:


> So it hit me to check her work cellphone and she let me look at the call log and voice and text messages but when I looked at the Skype she freaked and attacked me to get her phone back. She lied and said they were not skyping but they were and she will not show me the account to prove the stopped. Some Valetines day I'm having.


Why do we keep seeing women take their phones away from their husbands. She would have to pry it from my cold dead fingers........to coin a phrase.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

We have been trained to believe, which is backed up by facts, if an altercation occurs we are going to jail.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Chaparral said:


> Why do we keep seeing women take their phones away from their husbands. She would have to pry it from my cold dead fingers........to coin a phrase.


I think if you climb a tree or get in water they can't get you.

I do know a few things.....don't stand still or play dead they never fall for that, and never swat at them...they just get more angry.

My advise to any one that grabs their waywards cell phone....run like hell and don't look back ....they say if you look back, thats when they get you.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Vikings we are all on your side. We have been where you are. Unless you start listening to the advice you are getting here you will eventually lose your marriage.

You are not factouring in that you might lose her through her choice if you allow her to continue these liasions with these men.


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## Redactus (Nov 22, 2015)

If you are happy with the way things are and can accept it...stay in. Otherwise, if you are not happy, the only alternative is to end it, leave and get a new life on. Those are the only choices. You can't change another person.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

Hey Vikes,

There's a lot of harsh (but good) advice being directed at you, but I want to take a different angle. A lot of times these threads get so long so fast that it's easy to think the situation has been going on forever, and then you look back and it's only been a week. Your progress and state of mind right now mirror many, if not most, posters a week after discovering and/or confronting. You're not a dolt, but you should rethink certain actions and conclusions of yours. These folks who have been where you are and were doing what you did are giving you the benefit of hearing from yourself much later down the road, and in a better emotional state. I know it's hard to keep anything straight in the current emotional turmoil you're in, where so many things you've known for so long are getting flipped upside down, but the quicker you can adjust, the better the outcome.

For now, let me ask a question. Your wife is refusing your ultimatum because she prefers her privacy and her My Fitness Pal and her men. Is there *any* explanation you can come up with why a human being would do this and *not* be hiding bad behavior? Is there any explanation *she* can come up with? I haven't heard one yet, on any of these similar threads, other than the typical cheater weak toss-off of "You should respect my privacy (even though I've given you ample reasons not to)".


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

myfitnesspal is well-known as a serious enabler of obsession and dysfunction. It encourages people to develop a lifestyle where they count literally every calorie they consume and burn. You can swipe bar codes on your food to automatically read in nutrition and calorie data. You can eat as much as you like as long as you exercise enough to burn it off, so it encourages ever-increasing levels of alternating exercise and calorie consumption.

Once a spouse on this regimen is looking better, then the standard ego-boost-driven selfish, conceited behavior can begin. As others have said, a husband or wife who loses weight, gets in shape, and cheats is one of the recognizable infidelity scripts.

My H did myfitnesspal for a while and I made him stop. He was obsessed. Constantly on the phone, digging packaging out of the trash to find barcodes, binge eating and then exercising frantically. I'm sure if you add the social stuff to it you have a toxic brew.

In my opinion, if you want to keep trying here (and I'm with the others and think you should file), then she has to completely detox from that app. She also has to get rid of Skype and any other special messaging apps.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Vikings please follow the advice you are given here. Just drop your pride and read and absorb. 

You think your situation is out of the norm, bizarre and unique. Well, sadly it is not. In fact your wife is boringly typical of the cheating spouses who have graced these forums. Everything she is doing is textbook cheater behavior. 

You think you are the only person who was completely fooled and blindsided by his cheating spouse? Sorry, probably 80% of the betrayed posters here on TAM thought they had trustworthy, flawless spouses....until the world crashed down around them.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

truster said:


> Hey Vikes,
> 
> There's a lot of harsh (but good) advice being directed at you, but I want to take a different angle. A lot of times these threads get so long so fast that it's easy to think the situation has been going on forever, and then you look back and it's only been a week. Your progress and state of mind right now mirror many, if not most, posters a week after discovering and/or confronting. You're not a dolt, but you should rethink certain actions and conclusions of yours. These folks who have been where you are and were doing what you did are giving you the benefit of hearing from yourself much later down the road, and in a better emotional state. I know it's hard to keep anything straight in the current emotional turmoil you're in, where so many things you've known for so long are getting flipped upside down, but the quicker you can adjust, the better the outcome.
> 
> For now, let me ask a question. Your wife is refusing your ultimatum because she prefers her privacy and her My Fitness Pal and her men. Is there *any* explanation you can come up with why a human being would do this and *not* be hiding bad behavior? Is there any explanation *she* can come up with? I haven't heard one yet, on any of these similar threads, other than the typical cheater weak toss-off of "You should respect my privacy (even though I've given you ample reasons not to)".


Here are a couple of replies to the "...you should respect my privacy..." bit...

1. "You're not asking for privacy, you're asking for secrecy."

2. "It's pretty clear to me that I have a greater respect for your 'privacy' than you do. After all, look at what you've been doing with it."


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

the guy said:


> I think if you climb a tree or get in water they can't get you.


Viking has violated one of the most important principles in Sun Tzu's Art of War. _"If, however, you are indulgent, unable to make your authority felt, kind hearted but unable to enforce your commands; and incapable of quelling disorder, then your soldiers must be likened to spoiled children; they are useless for any practical purpose." 
_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Oh and good luck with alte dame's post. I agree, but men don't have the same image problems women do. Men are not held to the same standards as women when it comes to weight loss. She lost 30+ pounds and she will ALWAYS associate it with this website. Anything you do to end it will be associated with you trying to make her fat again.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

alte Dame said:


> myfitnesspal is well-known as a serious enabler of obsession and dysfunction. It encourages people to develop a lifestyle where they count literally every calorie they consume and burn. You can swipe bar codes on your food to automatically read in nutrition and calorie data. You can eat as much as you like as long as you exercise enough to burn it off, so it encourages ever-increasing levels of alternating exercise and calorie consumption.


Some people get hung up on using it that way, but it is discouraged by many. OTOH, if you use it to alter a previous unhealthy behavior and improve your health, it is very helpful.

MFP is only a tool, it can be used for good or bad.



alte Dame said:


> Once a spouse on this regimen is looking better, then the standard ego-boost-driven selfish, conceited behavior can begin. As others have said, a husband or wife who loses weight, gets in shape, and cheats is one of the recognizable infidelity scripts..


I have a picture of me with my spouse as my avitar. I want it clear to others I'm not using it as a hookup site. It certainly can be toxic to a marriage.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Do you really think you will hurt us by not posting??

My wife did not spend the night screwing some dude.
So if you WON'T take the advice, big freaking deal.

She KNOWS she has you hooked.
She KNOWS you won't pull the trigger.
She KNOWS YOU !!!

She has already taken that first hit of another man's juice, so you can bet it will escalate from here on.

Hell, she even attacked you to get the phone back, because him and her has been skyping of their night together.

We have been telling you and telling you.

If you have a wife that would rather D than give up sexting, what value does she REALLY place on you ??
NONE what's so ever.
You can be her doormat and ****, but you will NEVER be the man in her life.

So if you want, take your leftovers and crumbs and just go.

There are plenty of people that really want and need help coming here.

Hell, stick around, we've had harder heads than your's, and FINALLY got through to them.
Or they came back to say we was right, but they just had to do it their way.

We understand, but threatening to not post or come here, just don't work with us.

We have SEEN your life play out here 0000's of times.
Take the advice or not. You can pick and choose what you will use, but until YOU call her bluff, don't expect anything to change.

There's some old sayings here that's been proven true every time.
"The one who is ready to lose the marriage, is the one with the power." So far it's her.
"Sometime in order to save a marriage, you have to be READY to lose it."


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Oh, you may want to tell her you talked to security at the hotel, and will be flying out to view the security tapes, since the guys said it's common for them to be called for in court.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Vikings said:


> I took a polygraph decades ago for a job position, I lied my ass off and passed.



The purpose of a poly isn't to take the poly. It's the look on her face for the five seconds after telling her, how hard she protests and what happens in the parking lot ahead of time


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

People only change their behavior when they are hurting. When they experience* pain*.

Your cheater wife is happy. She's on cloud 9. Every time she logs onto her MFP, her brain gets a shot of dopamine.

Every time some guy on the forum compliments her, her brain gets a shot of dopamine.

Every time she has cyber sex, or real sex, her brain gets a shot of dopamine.

Validation. Attention. Dopamine. Dopamine. Dopamine.

And Vikings, you can't compete with that. Nobody can. Hell, she even told you she'll choose MFP over you.

She's an addict.

There's a chance that the threat of destroying her family and losing her marriage may introduce enough pain into her life to trigger change. 

Which mean you have to file for D. *Now*. To introduce pain. To take away her cake.

If you file for D, and let the real consequences of her behavior sink into her dopamine-flooded brain....she might show remorse and become transparent. 

Then you focus on R.

If she isn't willing to change, then she's a goner, and you can move on with your life. Hopefully you'll get a fair D settlement.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Viking the only question you should be asking her, is "why am i not enough for you?"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Xenote said:


> Viking the only question you should be asking her, is "why am i not enough for you?"


Actually an interesting question would be: "Wife, why are you now not enough for me?"

Answer being; "Because you are a cheater."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

Xenote said:


> Viking the only question you should be asking her, is "why am i not enough for you?"



It would be a great approach if he were attempting to make himself more pathetic than he already is. Otherwise it may not be such a good idea.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

adriana said:


> It would be a great approach if he were attempting to make himself more pathetic than he already is. Otherwise it may not be such a good idea.


Absolutely. And it reminds me of what I taught um in law class. Don't ask a question you don't already know the answer. Or in this case, one you may not want to hear the answer. This girl is way to cleaver for old Viking to handle. He ain't coming across as a black belt in dealing with the fairer sex.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Absolutely. And it reminds me of what I taught um in law class. Don't ask a question you don't already know the answer. Or in this case, one you may not want to hear the answer. This girl is way to cleaver for old Viking to handle. He ain't coming across as a black belt in dealing with the fairer sex.


Actually, she hasn't been clever at all. 

Vikings has experienced infidelity before, and I'm sure he will do what's best for him this time, as he did before.

It all takes time, though.

Taking jabs at people experiencing infidelity isn't helpful, btw.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I totally agree. This man is in pain. I screwed up constantly when I was in it. He's doing the best he can. 

Doing what you should do, and not what you want to do, is a helluva hard thing at times like this. 

Post back Viking, let is know what's going on and let us help you. If all we can do is listen, then complain away. 

The 2x 4's are coming out because we all hate to see our fellow man suffer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Viking,

One way to think about your Ws use of cybersex is that she is addicted to it, and this addiction is every bit as real as a drunks addiction to booze. And while we help drunks to overcome their addiction we usually throw out cheaters without trying to help them. 

Your WW needs to be exposed to her parents, grandparents, siblings and unfortunately your child, WW needs a huge dose of reality. 

Find out the IDs of the OM and expose them widely as well, do not threaten or warn your WW or she will spin a story with these OM to protect them.

Unfortunately your WW cannot have secrets of any kind for the remainder of your marriage, I would start with a polygraph now and one six months from now. And while polygraphs are not foolproof the mere threat of them is enough to bring out a confession in many cases.

While she is in a state of apology it may be a good time to get her to sign a postnup to protect yourself and your child.

Tamat


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Vikings said:


> I don't know what to do, my life really sucks right now.





Vikings said:


> She would rather get a divorce than give up her my fitness pal.


You do know what to do. You're just not ready to do it. 

Be persistent, keep digging for the evidence you need to feel justified in your actions. When you are ready you'll see that divorce is the path she put you on.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Actually, she hasn't been clever at all.
> 
> Taking jabs at people experiencing infidelity isn't helpful, btw.


She's been a master of getting what she wants out of the deal. By Viking's own admission, "_She did NOT agree to totally transparency but she agreed to unlock her phone and give it to me whenever I want. She said that should be an acceptable compromise. "_ At a minimum, she cyber-strips for other men, and tells him what an acceptable compromise is. (and his request for total transparency ain't on the list) 
She outmaneuvered him nine ways to Sunday. Trump need to include her in his next version of, "The Art of The Deal"

As far as taking jabs, sometimes a clear picture of reality is helpful. When I'm on the wrong path because of my own naivete, somebody telling me I'm on the wrong path is appreciated. But my ego is up to the task. 
Besides, he's willing to get on another thread and talk about his wife's "odor" permeating the bedroom, he should be man enough to face the fact that everybody's not going to powder his behind just because his wife is cheating.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Vikings,
You are in denial. You dont really want to know you just want it to stop.

You want it to go back to normal and you want it to be ok again.

You are not emotionally prepared to give leadership here or do what needs to be done.

Consequently you are letting her take the lead in this by default.

The fallacy in that is she is effectly addicted to these behaviors, and at the moment does not have the desire or the determination to stop them and fix her relationship with you.

It is a continual game of point and counterpoint. She only cares about evasion, and you are the only one who really cares about the health of your relationship.

If you think about it there must be times when you feel very much on your own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> This man is in pain. I screwed up constantly when I was in it.


Omg, me too. Was just reminded of it in fact. Last night I exclaimed, "What the fvck!" at the gas pump when I had a mishap and gas was squirting everywhere and my finger was caught in the handle. My 13 year old son was sitting in the front seat of the car, with my door open. I apologized because I do not curse around them! So tonight at dinner we were talking about it and I jokingly asked him if I traumatized him for life and he said "It's not like I've never heard that word before, mom." I said, "I know, but you've never heard ME say it..." Both of my kids looked at each other, and me, and said, "ummmm......." I was brought back to a year ago when they heard a LOT of that word coming out of my mouth, directed/yelled at their father (when they were in another room but within ear shot). 

Sigh. I made so many mistakes; mostly with my temper.


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## Pob (Jan 7, 2016)

Vike,

I think the answers are in front of you. 

Just play the game. 

Get yourself a MFP account under one, or ten different names, and find your wife. 

Interact. See how far it gets. Maybe you'll end up meeting
Her somewhere. 

At home, either do the 180. Or
Business as usual. Does not matter bc she's in her world now. 

If
You ask me , it's at least not a
Bad sign your wife had sex with you while all this was going on. It prob wouldn't be too hard to go elsewhere. 

Is she just developing a strange fetish? Guys complain all the time their wives are boring and don't explore. 

So explore your wife on MFP. 

And see what happens. 

Also. No one understands your relationship like you do. Just define what you want.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

A lot of women (and men too I suppose) turn up the sex at home to throw their partners off the scent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> A lot of women (and men too I suppose) turn up the sex at home to throw their partners off the scent.


I read ^this^ and IMMEDIATELY thought of OP's "vagina room" comment in his other thread.

Hilarious.

:smthumbup:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Vikings....

She blew this up... Not you.

So as you enact consequences, keep that in mind. You are the only one who can make her feel the consequences of her choices FOR her. She put you in that position.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> Viking,
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I, quite enthusiastically, support every damn word written here.

Vikings, this advice would cost you thousands in legal, psychiatric and investigator fees. Please consume every word of it voraciously


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

Not sure how this isn't cheating. I don't care if an 80yr old is sending fake pics. Hers are real photos of herself, she's sending those out and it's 100% cheating. Divorce.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Hopefully, Vikings next thread will show up in the "Considering divorce or separation" subforum.

That's assuming he'll come back.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

New_Beginnings said:


> Not sure how this isn't cheating. I don't care if an 80yr old is sending fake pics.


I assure you if he's banking on her cyber guys being 80 year old men sending fake pictures, he even more naive and rationalizing than it appears. There are a plethora of younger guys out there bird dogging for MILFs. She'll have no trouble finding a bunch of pretty boys willing to spend time entertaining her. Take my word for it.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Years ago I belonged to a bodybuilding forum, very similar to this one in format. That bb forum really pushed me to get into shape. I was highly addicted to logging in, sharing my progress and getting kudos when I hit PRs with weights. The day I squatted 225 and posted it was like taking a hit of heroin from all the dopamine released in that praise. I still communicate, but rarely, with a few of the members that helped me with advice when I was getting my own personal trainer certification. It was very much a community of people who wanted to see each other accomplish their goals.

But there was a dark side to this forum. I would see people post out in the open blatantly flirting with each other. I would see them post they wanted to **** each other. There were polls of who was the hottest chic on the forum, who was the hottest guy. Best butt contests, best abs contests. Videos of women squatting in their underwear in their basement gyms. I myself received a PM from a male member asking me to fly to NC and bring my "a game". Sex runs high on these forums. A lot of men on these forums use performance enhancing drugs, most common being testosterone. Obviously, higher levels of testosterone make for some horny conversations. Some women also use testosterone and the effects on them are the same in the sex drive area. 

I left that forum over 10 years ago before I got sucked into the sexual side of things. But not before I saw not one but two marriages fall apart on that forum. And not before I saw men and women alike self destructing left and right by feeding into the overt sexual nature of that forum.

Those forums are a slippery slope for infidelity. They start out innocent enough and before you know it, people are feeding into the highs they receive from the compliments that are given. While I never had an EA while I was on it, I definitely fed into the "keep it up!" "You should compete!" "You're a beast!" comments that I got every single day. For someone with any kind of previous body image or self esteem issues, they are breeding grounds for cyber sex or emotional affairs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> New_Beginnings said:
> 
> 
> > Not sure how this isn't cheating. I don't care if an 80yr old is sending fake pics.
> ...


I feel sorry for this guy  many fish in the sea OP.. Your wife doesn't deserve you. Dont allow yourself to be fooled into thinking this is a new aged porn... Your wife is sharing herself to allow others to do as they please. I'm sure this wasn't part of your vows, when saying "I do". If she wants attention from other men set her free and free yourself from continued heartache.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

She lied about Skype, it was all done on Skype. She said it was just on MFP but she was worried I would find out that was a lie because you can not message photos on MFP. After she came back from Baltimore on Friday we had a rough night. On Saturday our son had 2 soccer games, and one basketball game. Afterwards we took him to the babysitters and met up with a group of friends for a date night. We were dancing and having fun but she overdrank and passed out in the lady's bathroom. I left the bar and went and got the car and our friends carried her out the back door to the alley behind the bar. I accidentally rubbed another car trying to pull in the dark alley. The damage is mostly scratches and paint swapping not much actual body damage to the car. I left without trying to find the owner because there were cops everywhere and I had a few drinks and could have been a hair over the legal limit but I was not drunk at all. I haven't bumped a car or wrecked a car my entire life. So we get to the sitter's house which is a lady that works for my wife, my wife is her boss. The lady's teenage daughter watched our son. They came out to the car when I picked up our son and they saw my wife passed out in the backseat with vomit covering her feet. So did our son, he asked what's wrong with mommy?

We get home, I put our son to bed and carry my wife to bed. I looked at her MFP and just 20 hours ago she accepted a friend's request from a 23 yr old guy. In the morning I confronted her. Why are you still adding guy friends that you do not know? Then it hit me and I checked her work phone, she unlocked it and gave it to me but she was looking over my shoulder. When I saw the Skype app she freaked so I went to the other room with the phone and she was chasing me trying to grab it out of my hands. 

She admitted that this is where it was happening so she lied about that. She said they never did video, but that is like Clinton saying he smoked pot but didn't inhale. Also she said that she only voice talked 2 times with the guy from NJ. The guy from NJ was the 1st one, that relationship as been going on since early December. They message sex talk and pictures on Skype, and she said they only actually talked like on phone through Skype 2 times and rest of it was messages and images. 

That Sunday she would not let me see the Skype page because she was afraid I would see their usernames and track them down. I told her then you are protecting them and crapping on our marriage. I had to leave Sunday with our son for his soccer pictures and while I was gone she tried to close that Skype account. Closing a Skype account is not a simple click of a button, you have to call them and it takes 30 days. She tried to log into it yesterday at work and it wouldn't open. 

I have an appointment with an attorney today at 3pm to go over options and rights. I know the attorney will push to file because they want business and just visiting and discussing options doesn't pay that well. 

Our son has his 1st holy communion coming up in May, and we have family coming for a visit next week. This is really hard right now for me to make a decision about what to do. Family is coming this month, our son's birthday is at the end of the month, family coming in March, April and May. 

She wants this to work out but she is sick of all the questions about her affair. If I decide to forgive her and stay in the marriage I shouldn't keep bringing it up. That is not healthy to the marriage. If I'm going to stay with her, I need to move on. I'm not ready to move on right now, there is still more that I don't know. I'm sure she probably hooked up with the NJ guy in Baltimore Thursday night. She swears she didn't and would never do that and she said she will book my flight to Baltimore or help me find a PI to go look at the tape. She said you will look an ass when you see I was not with anyone. She could be just bluffing, I know her, if she did it she will never admit it and take it to the grave with her. 

I have still being crying daily, but I also increased my exercise that is helping. I haven't slept much at all over the last week, maybe a couple of hours a night at the most. I'm sure our son is feeling the stress in the marriage as well.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Vikings said:


> She lied about Skype, it was all done on Skype. She said it was just on MFP but she was worried I would find out that was a lie because you can not message photos on MFP. After she came back from Baltimore on Friday we had a rough night. On Saturday our son had 2 soccer games, and one basketball game. Afterwards we took him to the babysitters and met up with a group of friends for a date night. We were dancing and having fun but she overdrank and passed out in the lady's bathroom. I left the bar and went and got the car and our friends carried her out the back door to the alley behind the bar. I accidentally rubbed another car trying to pull in the dark alley. The damage is mostly scratches and paint swapping not much actual body damage to the car. I left without trying to find the owner because there were cops everywhere and I had a few drinks and could have been a hair over the legal limit but I was not drunk at all. I haven't bumped a car or wrecked a car my entire life. So we get to the sitter's house which is a lady that works for my wife, my wife is her boss. The lady's teenage daughter watched our son. They came out to the car when I picked up our son and they saw my wife passed out in the backseat with vomit covering her feet. So did our son, he asked what's wrong with mommy?
> 
> We get home, I put our son to bed and carry my wife to bed. I looked at her MFP and just 20 hours ago she accepted a friend's request from a 23 yr old guy. In the morning I confronted her. Why are you still adding guy friends that you do not know? Then it hit me and I checked her work phone, she unlocked it and gave it to me but she was looking over my shoulder. When I saw the Skype app she freaked so I went to the other room with the phone and she was chasing me trying to grab it out of my hands.
> 
> ...


Take good care of yourself Viking, very wise. 

If you choose reconciliation there are two very important points... she doesn't set the pace. YOU do. She blew this up, not you. Her days of demands are over. Healing from affair trauma takes 2 to 5 years. An excellent resource for my H and I was www.affairrecovery.com. So her telling you to stop bringing it up is way out of bounds and that attitude will unravel a reconciliation. 

Secondly, You need counsel support. Are you already seeing someone?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Vikings

Sorry to hear of the mess that you currently find yourself trying to wade through. You said you have gone through infidelity before, so I'm sure you know the roller coaster you just embarked on. I hope you can find yourself thinking rationally for moments in time, to decide what your future holds for you and your son. Prayers sent your way during this difficult time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

She wants to set all the rules and force you to rug sweep this.

I think you know what you have to do but you are throwing up feeble excuses about birthdays and family events etc. I say they're feeble because these will always happen in life and are no excuse whatsoever for changing the timing of your decisions.

Think of it this way - when it's all out there - and it will be - your family and friends will know you deceived then too. Years ago my W and I went to her best friends house for dinner. We rarely did things like that because we worked so much. The friend sat on her H's lap and snuggled, etc. later found out they had decided to divorce earlier that day. Did all that BS and kept the dinner date for similar reasons you're giving. 25 years later I still think that was stupid and mocked us.

You can't forgive what you don't know.

You are desperately clinging to her words to mean you can have your old life back.

Stop that, get centered, get hard, be a great dad, see the lawyer, and lay down the law!

Take back the power. She should come crawling back to you - not the other way around. If she isn't crawling back and begging for forgiveness then you are not in R - you are rug sweeping.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Please, Vikings, I say this with all due respect and kindness.

What cheaters like your WW hate is 1) consequences, and 2) losing control. This is straight from the horse's mouth. Cheater after cheater will tell you this.

If you want to have any shot, you have to follow through on consequences and to establish control.

Consequences means full (and I mean 'full') transparency on her part and the truth about everything. Consequences means that she gives up all of the social media. Consequences means that she agree to a poly. The ultimate consequence is that you D her if she won't do the things that are absolutely necessary to prove that she is working on remorse and healing you.

As for control, all you have to do is insist on the above and be strong enough to follow through and you will have established control over your own life.

In the meantime, do the 180. It is for you and will help. Your WW is an lying, cheating addict and needs to detox herself. You can't do this for her. You can only save yourself.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Best way to kill affairs is exposure.

Start exposing her actions to friends and family. 

Be ready. She'll most likely go nuclear, but thats on her.

I know you're leaning towards R, so priority #1 is stopping her cheating behavior.

Expose. Expose. Expose.

It wouldn't hurt to file for D, either. Her cheating behavior needs to be painful for her, or she won't change.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

Vikings said:


> She lied about Skype, it was all done on Skype. She said it was just on MFP but she was worried I would find out that was a lie because you can not message photos on MFP. After she came back from Baltimore on Friday we had a rough night. On Saturday our son had 2 soccer games, and one basketball game. Afterwards we took him to the babysitters and met up with a group of friends for a date night. We were dancing and having fun but she overdrank and passed out in the lady's bathroom. I left the bar and went and got the car and our friends carried her out the back door to the alley behind the bar. I accidentally rubbed another car trying to pull in the dark alley. The damage is mostly scratches and paint swapping not much actual body damage to the car. I left without trying to find the owner because there were cops everywhere and I had a few drinks and could have been a hair over the legal limit but I was not drunk at all. I haven't bumped a car or wrecked a car my entire life. So we get to the sitter's house which is a lady that works for my wife, my wife is her boss. The lady's teenage daughter watched our son. They came out to the car when I picked up our son and they saw my wife passed out in the backseat with vomit covering her feet. So did our son, he asked what's wrong with mommy?
> 
> We get home, I put our son to bed and carry my wife to bed. I looked at her MFP and just 20 hours ago she accepted a friend's request from a 23 yr old guy. In the morning I confronted her. Why are you still adding guy friends that you do not know? Then it hit me and I checked her work phone, she unlocked it and gave it to me but she was looking over my shoulder. When I saw the Skype app she freaked so I went to the other room with the phone and she was chasing me trying to grab it out of my hands.
> 
> ...


Good to hear from you.

Your story is following a lot of conventions that pop up quite often here. She's most likely 'trickle truthing' -- cheaters tend to only admit to what you can nail them to, and downplay anything that they think you don't have evidence for. I had become familiar with the concept on here before confronting my wife, and started doing 'trickle confronting' where I only dropped what I knew in nuggets to see what she'd admit to. She must have changed her story a dozen times.. and there's still things I didn't bring up, just to see if she'd volunteer the rest. It's been 6 months, and she's still sticking to her story based on what she thinks I know.

She also wants to 'rugsweep'.. try to regain her home stability without facing any consequences of her actions. This strategy hasn't ever worked in any of the stories here, to my recollection in my limited time here. It must be addressed -- your feelings will not disappear, although some deluded themselves for years before it finally came crashing down.

Right now, take care of yourself first.. I'm sure you're still feeling upside-down. You REALLY need to get some sleep as a priority.. emotional stability will come from that. Get some temporary anti-anxiety or sleep aid meds. Perhaps read some of the other threads and see for yourself the similar scripts playing out again and again. Detach from her for now, until your head is cleared. Then, when you have the energy to be proactive and make a move, feel free to talk it out with us.

Right now, IMO, your wife does not sound remorseful, and still feels (perhaps correctly) that she can do as she wants and get away with it. If you want to reconcile, the most successful strategy I see here is very counter-intuitive to most.. you need to 180 and expose. Wayward spouses often don't respond to anything, but when they do respond to something, it's this. The shock of being hit with real consequences and losing their spouse sometimes wakes them up.

Best wishes to you.. I know you're still in the thick of things.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Vikings said:


> She lied about Skype, it was all done on Skype. She said it was just on MFP but she was worried I would find out that was a lie because you can not message photos on MFP. After she came back from Baltimore on Friday we had a rough night. On Saturday our son had 2 soccer games, and one basketball game. Afterwards we took him to the babysitters and met up with a group of friends for a date night. We were dancing and having fun but she overdrank and passed out in the lady's bathroom. I left the bar and went and got the car and our friends carried her out the back door to the alley behind the bar. I accidentally rubbed another car trying to pull in the dark alley. The damage is mostly scratches and paint swapping not much actual body damage to the car. I left without trying to find the owner because there were cops everywhere and I had a few drinks and could have been a hair over the legal limit but I was not drunk at all. I haven't bumped a car or wrecked a car my entire life. So we get to the sitter's house which is a lady that works for my wife, my wife is her boss. The lady's teenage daughter watched our son. They came out to the car when I picked up our son and they saw my wife passed out in the backseat with vomit covering her feet. So did our son, he asked what's wrong with mommy?
> 
> We get home, I put our son to bed and carry my wife to bed. I looked at her MFP and just 20 hours ago she accepted a friend's request from a 23 yr old guy. In the morning I confronted her. Why are you still adding guy friends that you do not know? Then it hit me and I checked her work phone, she unlocked it and gave it to me but she was looking over my shoulder. When I saw the Skype app she freaked so I went to the other room with the phone and she was chasing me trying to grab it out of my hands.
> 
> ...


Remove the upcoming plans from your mind when it comes to deciding reconcile or not. You W can drag out giving you info, then under this 'imposed deadline' you'll agree to R and then get shut down on questioning her. 

Focus only on one question, "do you want to reconcile?"

The answer right now should be that you don't know. You don't have enough information. She is backing you into a corner by not being transparent and not being truthful and patient with your inquiries. If you decide to R without satisfying your 'need to know' you will harbor a lot of resentment and it will come out in other, harmful ways.

Her desire to 'put it behind her' is way too premature. Too bad if she feels guilty and ashamed, she should! Tell her if she wants to save the marriage, put her big girl panties on and start talking, give you her skype account info and anything else you ask for. IF she won't, she clearly doesn't want a real reconciliation. That indicates she wants you to shutdown and be a good little provider and day care worker while she gets her rocks off being a gym rat over MFP.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

You can't heal or move forward until she's 100% open and honest, allows you to see for yourself. You deserve answers and the truth. She's only covering her A$$, trying to brush off the reality of what's happened and hiding whatever or however long this all has been going on. You do realize her still adding men means only a matter of time before you forgive and she does what she wants again. Im sorry you're in love with the idea of having a faithful wife and things working out. You can't have a faithful spouse and or healthy marriage by hidden transgressions. There's too many excuses of what's stalling you from seeking answers and or truly working towards fixing this. You do realize it takes two to make things work? She's not working towards fixing you two, at all. She's working towards covering her tracks from the cheating scandalous wife she truly is..


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Best way to kill affairs is exposure.
> 
> Start exposing her actions to friends and family.
> 
> ...


Viking to end your pain now This is all you need to know and do

Without hesitation

55


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> I have an appointment with an attorney today at 3pm to go over options and rights. I know the attorney will push to file because they want business and just visiting and discussing options doesn't pay that well.


 Then you leave and go find a better attorney. We have MULTIPLE stories of lawyers, on this very board, telling clients to reconcile first or mediate first because this divorce is going to be expensive. .


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

For heavens sake.

She is still adding new men to send pictures to, ?????

How long are YOU going to let this go on?????

Smart move seeing the attorney. You have no chance to stop this unless you file for divorce. You can stop the divorce whenever you want to but she has no intention of stopping herself.

And come on man, call her damm bluff and hire the PI to get the tape and if you are wrong so what?? Trust your gut. You are probably right.

From the very beginning of this, there has been no guessing here what she is doing. now you finally know and still can't seem to take action.

How the **** are you EVER going to trust this woman????? The feeling you have right now. Do you want it to be your new normal???


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, the fact that she is still adding young men is quite the telling fact. I believe it shows that she is not seriously remorseful, has full intentions of continuing this behavior, and she will go underground for a while until you lower your guard, then be full speed ahead. It doesn't look like she will ever stop. She can, but it's going to take you blowing up her life---which is exactly what she has done to you. The only exception is that you care and she doesn't. I would file and have intentions of carrying through with it. I think you'll have to if you ever want a faithful wife. I doubt it will ever be her. SHe likes the attention too much. And, let me reiterate the presence of trickle-truthing. She WILL NOT tell you the whole story. Hence, she says NO to transparency (aka..privacy/ secrecy)

So sorry,


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Vikings said:


> I'm sure she probably hooked up with the NJ guy in Baltimore Thursday night. She swears she didn't and would never do that and she said she will book my flight to Baltimore or help me find a PI to go look at the tape. She said you will look an ass when you see I was not with anyone. She could be just bluffing, I know her, if she did it she will never admit it and take it to the grave with her.
> 
> I have still being crying daily, but I also increased my exercise that is helping. I haven't slept much at all over the last week, maybe a couple of hours a night at the most. I'm sure our son is feeling the stress in the marriage as well.


Stop all alcohol! And cut out other substances like tobacco and caffeine. You need to be on a healthy lifestyle, including good diet and plenty of exercise. Take 5-HTP for your mood. 50mg mid afternoon, and another 50mg mid-evening. If your mood doesn't improve in a couple of days, double the dose. No more than that, though. Don't take it if you're on anti-depressants without coordinating with your doc.

Professionals say that one phrase used by liars is "I would never do that". If your wife said some version of that phrase, she was almost certainly lying. Cheaters lie, so her denials are not believable anyway. But it is a world of difference to say "I NEVER did that" and "I would NEVER DO that".


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

She may not have been with anyone in the public hallways at the hotel. But he may have come to her room. So you're not looking only to see her with someone, you're looking to see if anyone else went into or out of her room. There may not be video coverage for that. Alternatively, if you have a photo of the guy, there may be video of him in the elevator or walking in/out of the hotel.

Either way, you're starting to parse the details. YOu know she cheated. YOu know she is refusing full transparency. You know she is adding yet more men to her list. Whether or not this one guy went to her room in the hotel is almost irrelevant.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

She is NOT remorseful. She is trying to destroy evidence to protect her fvck buddies. She will continue to smear sh*T in your face as long as you keep letting her. You need to nut up and quit letting her run over you.

Don't tell me she would not LET YOU see her skyp. Short of using a bat my wife could not take a phone from me unless I cowwed to her and gave it up. You take the phone and leave!

I would tell everyone and tell her I will see everything or there is no possibility for reconciliation so you better hope the Skype is not gone or can be retrieved.

You need to get hard core now or she is going to see you as her little b*tch from now on.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Assume every word is a lie. Hooked up in Baltimore. Video sex, sex chat. 

she needs to be snapped out of her fog: file for divorce, expose to friends and family. When she realizes what she can lose maybe she will show some actual remorse. I don't get that from your posts- that she doesn't seem to care how she looks or how she makes you feel - zero remorse. Nothing short of full transparency. And you stop discussing the affair when YOU want to stop discussing it. You have questions, she needs to answer. You want to discuss how you are feeling? She stops whatever she is doing to 
discuss.

You guys are what 30s/40s if I recall? Has she always had a drinking problem? Not since my college days did I have to deal with friends passing out in a bar. If drinking is also an issue she needs to deal with that too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> She wants this to work out but she is sick of all the questions about her affair. If I decide to forgive her and stay in the marriage I shouldn't keep bringing it up. That is not healthy to the marriage. If I'm going to stay with her, I need to move on. I'm not ready to move on right now, there is still more that I don't know.


See, she'd be right if this was two or even three years from now and she was meeting EVERY expectation in reconciliation. You JUST FOUND THIS OUT and she is already telling you how your reconciliation must go. No, I am not saying you have to divorce, but you do need her to understand consequences and questions are a 100% fact of life for reconciliation.

Look at all of these excuses:
I know the attorney will push to file because they want business and just visiting and discussing options doesn't pay that well.
Our son has his 1st holy communion coming up in May.
We have family coming for a visit next week. 
Family is coming this month.
Our son's birthday is at the end of the month.
Family coming in March, April and May. 

You can do all of these things and either fix or end your marriage. Only in your mind do any of these have any true bearing on any consequences for your wife. Divorce, reconciliation or forgiving is a very hard decision so, take your time on making those choices. Consequence start now, not waiting for any decisions. 

She can give up all of her accounts, go get a cheap go phone which is pay as you go, no social media, all passwords, a timeline of cheating, the guys usernames, who she slept with and answer ANY and ALL questions if she plans on you staying married.
If not, she can end the marriage all by herself. You can't make her follow your rules, but you can decide on what type of marriage YOU will tolerate.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> She said you will look an ass when you see I was not with anyone. She could be just bluffing, I know her, if she did it she will never admit it and take it to the grave with her.


 How are you going to look like an ass when, SHE is the one who may have met someone out of state? That's like you being caught stealing and trying to say I'm an ass for looking in my wallet to make sure everything is still present. 

P.S. Quit sabotaging yourself, you should have never told her you were going to hire a PI.

P.P.S. I'd be checking ALL Phone logs to Baltimore Hilton.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, she is DEMANDING that YOU not ask or say jack **** about her affairs/addiction. You know you can't stomach this. Make her either stop, or get the heck out. You don't have a choice if you can't stomach sharing her with other men.

She is STILL signing up potential f-buddies (what else are they??) and yet is telling you not to bring this **** up!!!!!!

Surely you can see that what you are doing is not only not working to stop the cybersex, but it is pushing her away by making you look weak and repulsive to her.

If you present her with real divorce papers and ask her to get out, she will have two options: leave or stop. Actually, leave, go underground, or stop. She is addicted. She will tell you months later if you man up and serve her papers, that she was addicted and couldn't have stopped on her own. 
You are really going to go apesh** on her to blow this up. Anything less is enabling her.

She may even divorce you and go whoring around even worse for a few years until she's too old and ugly to attract a man. But I think you'd be better off knowing she made her choice to do that, versus staying with you and destroying your mind and happiness. 

Make no mistake about it, she's NOT the only person you can find happiness with. If you are telling yourself that's not true, you're just plain wrong.

Papers on a platter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Viking

Set up an email account with her name and send the guy an email saying does he want to hook up again

When you get your teply it will help your decision to file


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Vikings said:


> If I decide to forgive her and stay in the marriage I shouldn't keep bringing it up. That is not healthy to the marriage. If I'm going to stay with her, I need to move on. I'm not ready to move on right now, there is still more that I don't know.


You make it sound like she was in an affair that ended weeks or months ago; not something she will likely continue gleefully doing in the future. You've got a tiger by the tell my man. You don't need to keep exposing your soft under-belly.


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## Kobold (Dec 5, 2015)

Everybody seems to be giving you pretty sound advice in regards to her affair and the best way of dealing with her typical wayward behavior in all of it's awfulness. So I guess I'll be the lone jerk here and point out some things about your behavior that ought to be acknowledged IMO. 



Vikings said:


> On Saturday our son had 2 soccer games, and one basketball game. Afterwards we took him to the babysitters and met up with a group of friends for a date night. We were dancing and having fun but she overdrank and passed out in the lady's bathroom.
> 
> *Why are you taking your drunken adulteress wife out drinking at all? This will only enable her nasty behavior, you should both be at home at this point, either spending time with your kid as a family or just the two of you actively working on fixing the marriage, not sucking down booze with your friends.*
> 
> ...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Polygraph..............period...............get it over with.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Vikings said:


> Most of you know my story, wife taking secret nude photos, locked phone ect. Well it turns out she was a really **** on myfitnesspal.
> 
> I don't care what they say that is cheating. They say "it is not real" but it is. She has been in relationships with users for at least 10 weeks.
> 
> ...


dude, you blinked. You were done with her and now you aren't. You have a serial cheat on your hands. We can't help you if you don' help yourself. I really thought you were ready to move on but clearly you aren't.

What keeps you in this nightmare ?

At some point, it is the story of the boy who cried wolf ...


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think what keeps anyone in a situation like this is the nagging belief that he/she doesn't deserve to be treated better. That is the crux of it. So, if you are not careful ...you will leave this relationship, and repeat this same pattern but with someone else. Because wherever you go...there you are.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Yep, he endured a fatty for 18 years out of love and respect for the vows they took. But it seems that the wife was just settling for the marriage. Now that she's looking hot, it straight to wh0re town.
> 
> We have had so many threads like this. There was this thread on LS of a WW with 3 daughters, one with special needs, married to a police officer that hired his friend to do a major reno on their house. The woman lost a lot of weight and immediately was on AM banging a stranger and was simultaneously having a EA/PA with her BH's friend working on their house.
> 
> That is how a man's loyalty to an unattractive wife is rewarded MANY times.


I agree Jsmart. Isn't it amazing ?? And let me guess, the guy stayed with the slvt ??

Is this weakness coming from the foods we eat nowadays ?


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

There are women out there that will treat you better. And treat your son better. That is a fact. Don't ever think that is not true.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Kobold said:


> So you just damaged some random strangers car(who did nothing to wrong you BTW) and then you didn't even bother to attempt to make things right with them? Didn't even leave your info or nothing for them to be able to contact you?


It turns out old Viking's dealing with several "hit and runs"; his old lady's boyfriends and his own.  Sounds to me like all of um are a bunch of rounders.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Once in a while you make a "new thread" my friend and you always ask the same questions.

Dont get me wrong,some of us are trying to help you,but only you can help yourself. 

Are you willing to stay in this marriage and belive in her lies over and over again ?
She is not ready to work hard and save your M. She is still lying and she is still doing things which caused you a lot of Pain.

You let your wife walk all over you,because you dont respect yourself my friend,so dont expect it from her or your co-worker or someone else to show you some respect. 

She is cheating in front of your eyes and you are doing nothing about it. Such a shame to see a human go so low


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

She wants to stay together and make it work. She says she loves me and that "I'm her family" and she wants us to be happy. From the pictures I don't see how she can stop, the affair was going on from December till February. They met on MFP, if you google her profile name you can see her comments in the fun and games forums, her are a few dandies, "used the couch, the desk, the floor, the backseat of the car to further her career", "since I've been working out my libido has increased and having multiple 0's". So the men on MFP started sending her private messages and she talked for a couple of weeks with a guy and they decided to take it to Skype. Through Skype she was able to talk to him voice to voice on her phone like a call and she said they have spoken a couple of times, once when she was out clothes shopping on the weekend. Then towards the end of January she started Skype sex with a 2nd man, so does that show the 1st guy from NJ really doesn't mean much to her since she kinda of cheated on him by adding the new man from Houston?

Last Thursday we did a workout class at the YMCA together, body pump, and afterwards I took our son to his basketball practice and she came home. I asked her to come with us but she said she was to hungry, since she came straight to the class from work. The basketball practice is 2 or 3 miles from our house so I dropped off our son and came home to see what she was doing. Well guess what, she was home for 20-25 minutes, our dog was still in the crate not let out and when I came through the garage she was just getting dinner out of the fridge. I went to our bedroom and on the bed was her work phone IPhone and it was warm like she has been holding it. I asked her to unlock it and she did and it was on the camera. I said see you can't stop you are taking pictures, she said the same lie when I caught her taking nude photos, "they were for you". However there were no pictures in the phone. I guess she could have deleted them when she heard the garage door open, then she raced to the kitchen. Our bedroom is near the kitchen so she only had to travel 20ft to get there before I came in. Then Saturday her work phone had a little less than 1/2 battery in the morning, then we went to a soccer game and came home. She didn't use the phone during that time, then she went grocery shopping and when she came back I checked the phone and it was dead. So I put on the charger and when I had the chance I asked her to unlock it. She would not unlock it, she finally did, but before she did she looked through the apps really quick and did some finger swipes then handed it to me. 

I've been researching how to look for hidden apps on her S4 and her IPHONE. I don't think she is doing anything on her personal S4 because I have full access to it, I think she moved the affair to her IPHONE. It is an older IPHONE smaller than our S4. 

I don't have any rights to her work phone, that is not my property. What should I do? Thinking I need to move forward with the other inspector gadget tools.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I hope she's got better sense than to use her business phone for her shenanigans. What the hell is MFP? If she's used the couch, floor, desk and back seat to "further her career" you may as well forget her speech about you being her family. If she's gotten a promotion or raise lately, you know why. 
However, it my help us understand what you're dealing with better if you sent us some to these pictures. >


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I do not know how you can stay with her. There is no way you can feel proud that she is your wife the way she continually disrespects you and herself with other men. You know what you have to do that is protect you and your son.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Vikings said:


> She wants to stay together and make it work. She says she loves me and that "I'm her family" and she wants us to be happy. From the pictures I don't see how she can stop, the affair was going on from December till February. They met on MFP, if you google her profile name you can see her comments in the fun and games forums, her are a few dandies, "used the couch, the desk, the floor, the backseat of the car to further her career", "since I've been working out my libido has increased and having multiple 0's". So the men on MFP started sending her private messages and she talked for a couple of weeks with a guy and they decided to take it to Skype. Through Skype she was able to talk to him voice to voice on her phone like a call and she said they have spoken a couple of times, once when she was out clothes shopping on the weekend. Then towards the end of January she started Skype sex with a 2nd man, so does that show the 1st guy from NJ really doesn't mean much to her since she kinda of cheated on him by adding the new man from Houston?
> 
> Last Thursday we did a workout class at the YMCA together, body pump, and afterwards I took our son to his basketball practice and she came home. I asked her to come with us but she said she was to hungry, since she came straight to the class from work. The basketball practice is 2 or 3 miles from our house so I dropped off our son and came home to see what she was doing. Well guess what, she was home for 20-25 minutes, our dog was still in the crate not let out and when I came through the garage she was just getting dinner out of the fridge. I went to our bedroom and on the bed was her work phone IPhone and it was warm like she has been holding it. I asked her to unlock it and she did and it was on the camera. I said see you can't stop you are taking pictures, she said the same lie when I caught her taking nude photos, "they were for you". However there were no pictures in the phone. I guess she could have deleted them when she heard the garage door open, then she raced to the kitchen. Our bedroom is near the kitchen so she only had to travel 20ft to get there before I came in. Then Saturday her work phone had a little less than 1/2 battery in the morning, then we went to a soccer game and came home. She didn't use the phone during that time, then she went grocery shopping and when she came back I checked the phone and it was dead. So I put on the charger and when I had the chance I asked her to unlock it. She would not unlock it, she finally did, but before she did she looked through the apps really quick and did some finger swipes then handed it to me.
> 
> ...


Seems very obvious vikings if you take about 2 steps back.

1) say "you broke my trust again. You lied again. You cheated again."

2) your choice about spying but I wouldn't

3) I would say "this cheating and lying is just the same as going out and fvcking the neighbor in my book."

Then simply decide. If you're ok with her fvcking tge neighbor then tell her that and let it go and let her have an open relationship.

If you're not ok start for D. Tell her that and do it. If she wants to stay, tell her "your actions tell me otherwise". If she insists, tell her you can help her stay faithful for a period while she gets help but not long term. 

That means YOU physically have the phone when you're not with her. If she gets a burner phone the immediate D and no looking back. If she says she can't contact you without her phone say those are the consequences. The solution is VERY simple. It called "how we lived our lives before mobile phones". Yes I'm that old. It means she has a fixed schedule so there is no problem. She tells you where and when she goes. It's very simple. It's like old school. And it's like work release programs where people are learning how to operate in society and have boundaries.

I really, really hope you take a hard line and understand this is nothing more than tough love. It is NOT controlling behavior - it is you helping with her addiction because she pleaded for you to stay and for your help.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

MFP= My Fitness Pal

Yes she said that she would not use her work phone for that. When I caught her Thursday with her work phone warm and on camera she said 1st, "they were for you", but there were no pictures taken on the phone unless she deleted them after she took and sent them. Then her story changed to "I was just looking at myself with the phone". Well we have plenty of mirrors in our house, plenty, full size, 1/2 size. The only reason you have your phone looking at yourself is if you are going to take a picture and send it. If she wanted to look at herself there are more than enough mirrors in our house. 

I'm back to going crazy again like it was at the beginning when she had the locked photos on her personal phone. 

I love her and I want our marriage to work, but I can't stay in marriage if I don't trust her because I will go insane.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

She said the comments on MFP in the "fun and games" forums was just jokes being witty. The truth is the jokes were ****ty not witty and the men users of the MFP started sending her private messages.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Jokes ?

"used the couch, the desk, the floor, the backseat of the car to further her career", 

So she says putting it out there on a forum she's a w**** is joking...erm.... if you ever knew of her doing these type of jokes before then maybe...bet you didn't though

I say she did it to get comments and get off on them


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

This is a side of her I have never seen before after 19 years together. Again, she lost 32 pounds down from 167 to 135 she is 5'7" so this new her is out of control.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

She didn't join MFP to find a internet boyfriend, she wasn't looking for that at 1st. She joined to count her calories and then she started exploring the site, talked ****ty and the guys started messaging her. She says she was flattered by the attention. 

My gut tells me she can't stop. I think she could be in love with the guy from NJ.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Vikings said:


> She didn't join MFP to find a internet boyfriend, she wasn't looking for that at 1st. She joined to count her calories and then she started exploring the site, talked ****ty and the guys started messaging her. She says she was flattered by the attention.
> 
> My gut tells me she can't stop. I think she could be in love with the guy from NJ.


Did you see my last post?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Vikings said:


> She didn't join MFP to find a internet boyfriend, she wasn't looking for that at 1st. She joined to count her calories and then she started exploring the site, talked ****ty and the guys started messaging her. She says she was flattered by the attention.
> 
> My gut tells me she can't stop. I think she could *be in love *with the guy from NJ.


Why love ?

What is saying that ?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Viking, I'm going to assume your story is real. You never know these days. It is a little hard to fathom you continue to let this gal do this crap, complain about it and look the other way. 
Let me ask you this my man. Do you believe your love and affection for her is sufficient to turn her into a loyal, faithful wife? Certainly you can't believe you have any basis for trusting her again. (except trusting her to do exactly the same thing) What it going to take before your realize there is nothing you can do to change her behavior?
In the final analysis, she playing you (with your consent) or you're playing us to a fare the well.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Whatever the reason behind her actions, the bottom line is that she is disrespecting you and the marriage and the family. She is cheating and she is going out of her way to hide and continue contact with OM(s).

The sad part is that she is now addicted to the attention the new person is getting and her desire to continue this is stronger than her desire for a happy marriage with you.

Not much left for you to do.

Tell her that you love her enough to let her go be happy with her OM(s), but you will not be in a marriage with a person who needs someone other than you and your kid to be happy. Tell her you will be talking to a lawyer and hope the divorce can be amicable since you have a child together.

This might shock her out of her fog or it may not. But you have to be willing to walk away from the marriage and she has to believe it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Either accept reconciliation on her terms or don't. It's as simple as that.

That said, it's worth noting that the former will also mean accepting that she's just not going to stop this behavior. So, following this line of reasoning, you can either turn a blind eye to it and hope that she won't become so separated from you and the marriage as a result that she winds up leaving it (which, IMO, is amazingly naive), or you can simply allow it, sanction it, or however you want to term it, and possibly even join her in it... and, again, naively hope that it won't lead to her becoming so separated from the marriage that she leaves it.

The latter can mean whatever you want it to mean, but any sane, reasonable person will tell you that it _should_ lead to divorce. After all, you can't force her to accept reconciliation on your terms any more than she can force you to accept it on hers.

Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Viking, until she is all in R isn't possible and she is definitely not all in.

I'm the biggest proponent of reconciliation where ever and when ever possible. The current status that you are in makes it impossible because she wants to continue the behavior that has gotten you to where you are now without consequence.

She needs to see the consequences that will befall her if she continues on her current path and she needs to make a choice from there whether she will choose her new life or old.


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

Vikings - grow a pair dude. The biggest issue you have now is you. Why would you accept this behavior? 

Expose her to everyone. Using a workphone for this behavior should get her fired. Serve divorce papers immediately. Kick her at least to another bedroom. 

You are a doormat and a p___y. I wish the best for you but you need someone to knock some sense into you. This is not going to end well and you are going to have to accept your part in this. 

Start thinking of life for your son.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Vikings said:


> if you google her profile name you can see her comments in the fun and games forums,


What's her profile name?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Tex if I remember right

you have to be a member..i am

Blond


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Vikings, you are making a classic mistake. You are looking for the CSI crime lab level of proof of her infidelity. You already have the proof and her confession of what she did. And you have proof positive of her lying to you (about the warm phone the other day), and of her continued suspicious activities with phone (locking it, swiping etc before handing it to you).

It would be foolish to come to any other conclusion than she is still engaged in some kind of infidelity via the phone.

And so you have enough information. She is continuing to be dishonest and unfaithful. You don't need any more details than that. And you for sure don't have to convince her she is being unfaithful! 

You've been pulled into the age old game of somehow thinking you have to prove to her that she is unfaithful.

At this point let's assume she isn't being unfaithful. Let's assume the warm phone was an oddity, maybe from being in her pocket. She had spent 20 minutes doing something legit just before you came home. Her swiping on the phone before handing it to you was because there was a message about female issues with a friend. Let's assume all that, which would be the best case. This best case is killing you. You cannot continue like this, and your marriage cannot survive like this. You need to get out of this loop and out of this game.

You have two choices really. One is to file for divorce and see if that shocks her out of the fog. The other is to insist on total transparency immediately. No password protections. GPS in her car. Keylogger on her computer and phone. She quits MFP. The first choice is the strong one and the one with the best chance of saving the marriage. The second choice gives her opportunity to think she can still outsmart you and take the affairs underground. Still, the second choice may be viable if paired with a set of divorce papers placed in front of her at the same time you tell her of the new rules.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

Vikings said:


> Yes she said that she would not use her work phone for that. When I caught her Thursday with her work phone warm and on camera she said 1st, "they were for you", but there were no pictures taken on the phone unless she deleted them after she took and sent them. Then her story changed to "I was just looking at myself with the phone".


The second and third sentences should tell you how much to trust the first sentence.

You're looking for proof, but at the same time you're letting her know exactly when and how you're looking. She even gets the chance to swipe a bunch of apps and delete things before handing the phone over.. how are you going to catch anything? It's too late to catch.. you have to catch her unawares. To catch her now you'll have to pretend everything is OK for an extended period and let her get lazy again, but you'll drive yourself insane in the meantime.

I don't know how much more evidence you need that she is courting other men and has no respect for you. People with nothing to hide don't keep their phone locked, fight to get it back, and desperately swipe things closed before the *do* give it over. They don't take pictures, get busted, tell a lie, get busted on THAT, and then tell a lie that conflicts with the lie they JUST TOLD.

You both know what's going on, and she knows you know. She's also seeing that you knowing doesn't mean there's any consequences. She'll keep at it. There is no reconciliation at this point while she keeps at it. You need to lay down some consequences. Expose and 180.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

If you want me to send her a message and see what response I get let me know


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

G.J. said:


> Tex if I remember right
> 
> you have to be a member..i am
> 
> Blond


I perused the MFP a bit. Couldn't find her profile, anything that resembled what Viking is saying, or anything else that jump out at me. I wasn't that thorough but it make me wonder if the story is a little embellished.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

She needs to get off my fitness partner too. Believe it or not there were other ways to get in shape before smart phones and Internet.

But it doesn't seem like she had any inclination to give up her new lifestyle. Show off in front of strangers,sex chats, and random meet ups.

If not my fitness pal then she will find another mechanism. But if she wants to re-dedicate herself to you she should gladly give it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Once again you asked the question "What should I do ?". Just read the comments my friend,nobody is wishing you bad,noone is hating you or something like that. 

She is serial cheater and she will never stop my friend. She is using you because you are paying the bills,looking after your son and cleaning the house.


Please dont make any excuses for her cheating like losing some weight. I have 85kg and my Lady is 51kg and we never cheated on each other. 

She is cheating on you because she dont love you and she lost all respect for you my friend. I know you dont want to belive this but it is the fact. 

If she was really sorry then she would stop doing this,give away her phone,never log in online on those sites,tell you the whole story and truth.

Please friend open your eyes. Stay strong.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't know what else you need but you can buy some fairly cheap security cameras at bestbuy you can hide if you want to see what she is doing.

However, its pretty obvious her family isn't very far up on her priority list.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Will you grow the hell up !!!

You ask, people answer, then you make freaking excuses.

What you fkin do is give her some consequences.

After all your daily crying, she is STILL doing the same damn thing.

A few nice words, and a workout together,and here you are again.

What do you do??

Do these people have to keep repeating it ??

Expose to family and friends, then file.
Make her work for the marriage instead of you.

As it stand, she can put a little great leg on you, go workout with you, then come home and totally disrespect your tears.

We all knows what it says about her, but then, we also knows what is says about you too.

she has no respect for you, she has no respect for the marriage, she has no respect for your son.
Then again, you have no respect for yourself, you have no respect for your marriage, and you have no respect for your son.

I want you to take these words to heart.

Sometime you have to be ready to kill your marriage to save it.


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## strow (Feb 22, 2016)

This is a sad story, what some people will put up with from others.

-sad face-


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Are ya'll sure Viking is not Hurt Dude's cousin or something?


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Are ya'll sure Viking is not Hurt Dude's cousin or something?


that is sort of along the lines that I was thinking.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Viking,

The issue with you a lack of sel-esteem. When other posters are telling you "grow up", "get a set", or where are your balls they are asking what happened to your self-esteem. If you are not familiar with Hurting he is a troll. His story was bull. This question comes up in regard to you because of your apparent non-existence self-esteem. Yes you have been thrown for a loop. The question now is what are you going to do about it ?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Have her sign a contract to give you all the proceeds from her videos and start charging.

Might as well make some money if you want to stay with a prostitute.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

My son was watching youtube videos on soccer moves on our home PC and it was on my wife's youtube account where we upload his sports videos for family. I noticed up in the right top corner there was notifications and I clicked on it and all her nasty photos where there and her google profile had just over 37,000 views. Thank god my son didn't see it. She did stop taking photos for 10 days after I busted her. She did take photos last Wednesday and Thursday when I was away with our son but they were not nudes. She changed into a tight tank-top put on some necklaces and her cowboy hat and used the selfie stick to take some pictures of her sticking her chest out and arching her back. She lied about those photos said I was crazy in the head she didn't take any. I showed her those photos and she said she didn't tell me because I would get mad and that she didn't send them. 

I'm done living like this, I'm sure they were for one of her internet boyfriends, I'm going back to the attorney with all my evidence and filing for divorce and custody. 

Thanks for the advice I'll keep you posted as things progress.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Sorry Viking but that's no wife

The only way she could go is downhill further

Still lying until the end

It will bring her out of her destructive ways for a time..who knows it may help her in the long term as well

Bloody waste


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She is nuts. Simply nuts. She might as well post ads on Craigslist and sell herself out like livestock.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

She was a good looking women only on the outside but believe me you will find better


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Vikings said:


> My son was watching youtube videos on soccer moves on our home PC and it was on my wife's youtube account where we upload his sports videos for family. I noticed up in the right top corner there was notifications and I clicked on it and all her nasty photos where there and her google profile had just over 37,000 views.


You would have us believe your wife is putting her "hot wife" videos on the same account she puts your sons sports videos for the family? Give me a damn break. I've poked around on MFP and didn't find a thing close to what you describe. If this was a site without such rules I'd tell you to put up or shut up. Being that the way it is, I'll refer you back to post 15.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Vikings said:


> She lied about those photos said I was crazy in the head she didn't take any. I showed her those photos and she said she didn't tell me because I would get mad and that she didn't send them.
> 
> I'm done living like this, I'm sure they were for one of her internet boyfriends, I'm going back to the attorney with all my evidence and filing for divorce and custody.


I'm sorry it has gone this way, but not surprised. Your wife is broken, and thus there really was no other outcome.

FYI, a common psychological thing happened to you. Actually, 2 of them. The first is called "Truth Bias", which is when someone naturally believes someone is telling the truth. We all naturally believe our spouse will tell us the truth. And along with that is the bias where you believe the person is good, loyal, and whom you married years ago. So you naturally believed your wife would be truthful and wouldn't do these kinds of slvtty things.

The second trap is called "Projection". You would never do these things, so you naturally don't believe your wife would, either. 

All of what she did was so out of character for who you knew her to be in the past. Pile on top of that some Truth Bias and Projection, and wham!

Now the truth of who she is and what she has done is settling into your brain. You can be confident you did everything you could to save the marriage, but she did everything to kill it dead. Don't take on any blame for what has happened, this is all on her. And, don't kick yourself for being unaware or trusting, because you simply fell prey to those normal psych traps of Truth Bias and Projection.

Best of luck to you.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> You would have us believe your wife is putting her "hot wife" videos on the same account she puts your sons sports videos for the family? Give me a damn break. I've poked around on MFP and didn't find a thing close to what you describe. If this was a site without such rules I'd tell you to put up or shut up. Being that the way it is, I'll refer you back to post 15.


I agree this thread is pretty out there, but it's still within the realm of possibility. I was able to find her profile on MFP. I think the thing about the pics is that she doesn't realize that the youtube and google+ accounts are linked. She may think of them as separate things. Many people are computer illiterate and do crazy stuff like this all the time.

Vikings, I don't see how your W turns this around. She's enjoying this attention way too much and isn't nearly remorseful enough to make recovery possible. Even if she somehow stops with MFP, expect her to seek out this type of attention anytime there's a low point in the marriage or she just wants a bit of excitement. If you stay with her, expect to be fighting this behavior repeatedly. That's not very healthy for you and you and your child would probably be better off without her.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

Your google account and youtube account attached, she didn't realize that her phone was connected to her google photos. Whenever she took a photo it went to her google profile and she didn't realize it, I didn't realize. I don't give a damn what you believe. There were 4 notifications in the top right hand top on her youtube page, when you click on it then you are sent out of youtube to her google photos. On her google profile it said 37,100 some odd views and one person following which was my google profile. Whenever she took a pic with her camera that pic also was automatically sent to google photos. I now have all the evidence I need, it started mid December with the nasty photos. You see pictures of our son opening presents then pictures on my wife with her breasts out on her knees in the bathroom. I made one of the pics the wallpaper on my cell phone to keep me motivated through the divorce. It is a pic of just her mid section in panties with her left hand going inside her panties with her pointer and 2nd finger and her ring finger and pinky are exposed and she is wearing her wedding ring. SMH I don't give a crap if some of the trolls here don't believe me. I came here for help and I got it. Thanks I would not have made it with out the help.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I'm really glad you got the evidence you needed to KNOW she is who she actually is - not who she was.

This attention is probably CRAZY powerful over her. Maybe finally losing something important will give her perspective. 

Or it could spur her on to "blossoming" as a new hotty webcam slvt. Not kidding. That is a small step away and I guarantee she'll get totally excited by the guys lusting after her.

See which road she takes. But it has to start with consequences provided by you and D.

Sorry man


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She is now totally addicted to the attention she is getting from the posted photos. She loves it when she checks to see how many views her **** pictures are generating and how many guys are messaging her in the MFP site. The addiction trumps everything else in her life. You and your son are a distant second place and the marriage isn't even on the radar screen.

This type of addiction will eventually lead her to have sex (internet or in person) eventually. She now basically has multiple partners that she has brought to your marriage. You have tried to warn her several times and she just continues the bad behavior and lies to your face. Time to bail.

Provide all evidence to the lawyer. Good luck.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Vikings,

Really sorry to hear this, and I think you should track down some of the OM to bust them to their wives.

Your WW is different story, while I do not excuse your WW in any way, she is still the Mother of your Son and for that reason only I believe you should make some effort to rehabilitate her, before she ends up dead in a dumpster behind a cheap motel. Not at all saying you should not divorce.

Tamat


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Busted!

Google cloud FTW.

BTW, make sure you back up all those pics to a cloud of your own. I'm sure she is busy trying to delete that stuff.

Don't be surprised when you have her served if she has a complete meltdown and begs you not to leave her.

Have her served at work.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

TAMAT said:


> Vikings,
> 
> Really sorry to hear this, and I think you should track down some of the OM to bust them to their wives.
> 
> ...


He has to get her attention first.

He has talked to her. Told her how he hates the lies. Told her he is very unhappy with her behavior. Basically, he has tried eveyrthing in his power except exposing to family and filing for divorce but she will not change or stop.

Time to file. That will get her attention. Then he can make up his mind if he wants to try R. But if both are not 100% committed to the process, it will fail.

Too many false R stories on here to just expect it to work out.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

While this behavior may not mean anything in divorce court, remind your wife that you can always alert child protective services what kind of people she is baiting.

Always keep a var on you to protect yourself from abuse charges. We have plenty of guys here that didn't listen and that takes years to straighten out if it works at all.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Vikings said:


> Your google account and youtube account attached, she didn't realize that her phone was connected to her google photos. Whenever she took a photo it went to her google profile and she didn't realize it, I didn't realize. I don't give a damn what you believe. There were 4 notifications in the top right hand top on her youtube page, when you click on it then you are sent out of youtube to her google photos. On her google profile it said 37,100 some odd views and one person following which was my google profile. Whenever she took a pic with her camera that pic also was automatically sent to google photos. I now have all the evidence I need, it started mid December with the nasty photos. You see pictures of our son opening presents then pictures on my wife with her breasts out on her knees in the bathroom. I made one of the pics the wallpaper on my cell phone to keep me motivated through the divorce. *It is a pic of just her mid section in panties with her left hand going inside her panties with her pointer and 2nd finger and her ring finger and pinky are exposed and she is wearing her wedding ring. * SMH I don't give a crap if some of the trolls here don't believe me. I came here for help and I got it. Thanks I would not have made it with out the help.


She's into that hotwife, cuckold fetish crap. 

Man she is evil. Ditch the b!tch and don't look back.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

I have seen the pictire of her..she's a blond and has the name TEX and a number after ?

Join up its easy to find...unless its gone now


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

I don't have Skype conversations, I do have her baiting for men on MFP forums, I did screen shots of the MFP forum conversations where she is dirty talking with men, like this one "Now that I've been exercising, I'm having multiple OOOOO's". When male MFP users she her dirty talking they send her a private message and off they went to Skype for internet sex. Her dirty talk on MFP lines up perfectly with the start of the dirty photos. I have saved everything, screen shots of photos in google and downloaded all the photos. I did it both ways to make sure there was no doubt about date and time. The problem I see is that I don't have proof that she sent the photos to anyone. I have proof they were never sent to me.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Vikings said:


> I don't have Skype conversations, I do have her baiting for men on MFP forums, I did screen shots of the MFP forum conversations where she is dirty talking with men, like this one "Now that I've been exercising, I'm having multiple OOOOO's". When male MFP users she her dirty talking they send her a private message and off they went to Skype for internet sex. Her dirty talk on MFP lines up perfectly with the start of the dirty photos. I have saved everything, screen shots of photos in google and downloaded all the photos. I did it both ways to make sure there was no doubt about date and time. The problem I see is that I don't have proof that she sent the photos to anyone. I have proof they were never sent to me.


Does she ever mention you in her communications?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Vikings said:


> My gut tells me she can't stop. I think she could be in love with the guy from NJ.


Mentioned it before send him an email from a new made up account with her name and find out

You will get all the proof you need

If you think see saw him ask him 'want to meet up again'

If they didn't he will respond you got the wrong guy but hey sure or some thing similar I would think


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

She has never mentioned me in her dirty flirty MFP forum conversations. She has 158 posts, I just went through and screen shot about 10 of her man baiting comments for example:

"Used the couch, the floor, the desk, the backseat of the car to further her career."

I know for a fact that did not happen, ever, that was just baiting for men to send her a message.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Yeah she's lost in the part.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

Well Vikes, at least you finally got the proof you needed. Unintuitively, it's probably better for that to happen than to languish in this purgatory for extended periods.

Be sure to ask your lawyer if what you found is enough to prove adultery in your state (if it even matters, many states it doesn't). She's probably wiped the evidence by now, but there may be something left if you need it. You can always gamble with taping a conversation where she confesses to some of it (*IF* this is allowed in your state), but you'll have to bluff mightily because it sounds like she's dedicated to trickle-truthing to the end. Some of those lies are just.. logically impossible.

Also, listen to the advice re: carrying a VAR on you. Cheaters this far gone will cheat you on more than just sex when backed into a corner. I've lived it.. protect yourself NOW.

When things cool down, do some checking up on your financials to see if anything is suspicious.. hiding money, whatever. This can often go hand-in-hand with cheating of this caliber as well.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> She's into that hotwife, cuckold fetish crap.
> 
> Man she is evil. Ditch the b!tch and don't look back.


Thats how I am reading it too bandit, a bridge way to far.

Godspeed to the Op


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

truster said:


> Also, listen to the advice re: carrying a VAR on you. Cheaters this far gone will cheat you on more than just sex when backed into a corner. I've lived it.. protect yourself NOW.


And expect her to try every dirty trick in the book during the divorce. She doesn't see you as her husband. She sees you as an impediment to flirting with buff guys. I wouldn't be surprised if she starts saying she was abused and asks for a restraining order.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE unless under a court order. Expect her to say you should move out when you break the news. Don't leave. She can move if she wants.

Carry a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you at all times and save all the recordings. It's not only to have a record of what she says, but a record of what you didn't do that she's going to accuse you of.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

The cuckolding fetish is more addictive the more the BS almost catches the hot wife. If she flaunts it and you don't do anything she is cucking you and getting off on your humiliation. The cuckold symbol is horns - index and pinky extended.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Hopefully she isn't wearing ankle bracelets which indicates she's DTF


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Dtf ?


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

G.J. said:


> Dtf ?


Down to F..k


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

down to "four letter word starts with f"


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Vikings said:


> I know for a fact that did not happen, ever, that was just baiting for men to send her a message.


No, no you really don't. 

You do not know ANY facts except she sends naked pictures, uses Skype and touches herself for other men not you.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Can't turn a *ho* into a *ho*usewife....


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Vikings said:


> I don't have Skype conversations, I do have her baiting for men on MFP forums, I did screen shots of the MFP forum conversations where she is dirty talking with men, like this one "Now that I've been exercising, I'm having multiple OOOOO's". When male MFP users she her dirty talking they send her a private message and off they went to Skype for internet sex. Her dirty talk on MFP lines up perfectly with the start of the dirty photos. I have saved everything, screen shots of photos in google and downloaded all the photos. I did it both ways to make sure there was no doubt about date and time. The problem I see is that I don't have proof that she sent the photos to anyone. I have proof they were never sent to me.


Maybe I am not reading things correctly. But you said one of accounts (the one with filthy pictures?) had several thousand recorded views.

Sounds like she posted or sent the pictures to the world for all to see.

Am I wrong?


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

TDSC60

Her google profile said 37,100 views and one follower me. I don't know if you can get to her photos just by looking her up in google or whatever. Our youtube videos haven't received that many views far from it. It's just stating that when you go out of youtube and to her google profile, under her profile name in google not youtube says 37,100. While in her youtube channel a notification appeared in the top right corner so I clicked on it and it was the non-nude cowboy hat photos she lied about taking last week, then at the bottom of those notifications of the new photos it said click to view all photos or something like that so I clicked it and boom tons of naughty photos that line up perfectly with her dirty talk on MFP forums came up. I did screen prints and downloaded the photos to a thumb drive, then deleted them because I'm afraid 37,100 people have seen them.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

@Vikings, don't forget to check out her Google Photos account...

https://photos.google.com
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Vikings said:


> TDSC60
> 
> Her google profile said 37,100 views and one follower me. I don't know if you can get to her photos just by looking her up in google or whatever. Our youtube videos haven't received that many views far from it. It's just stating that when you go out of youtube and to her google profile, under her profile name in google not youtube says 37,100. While in her youtube channel a notification appeared in the top right corner so I clicked on it and it was the non-nude cowboy hat photos she lied about taking last week, then at the bottom of those notifications of the new photos it said click to view all photos or something like that so I clicked it and boom tons of naughty photos that line up perfectly with her dirty talk on MFP forums came up. I did screen prints and downloaded the photos to a thumb drive, then deleted them because I'm afraid 37,100 people have seen them.


Well obviously you did not look at her account 37,000 times so it would appear that her account was open for public viewing somehow. Maybe some of the more computer literate folks can make sense of it.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Did she try P90x in the end makes you wonder about her P90x3 who the 3 were...Tony Horton wouldn't be amused


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Your wife really lost her soul my friend. 

Time for you to look after yourself and your son. But on other hand you were his dad and mom for a long time.

Damn you even make meals,clean the house,pay the pills,took him to school,went to games... I can write till tomorrow.

I once said I could be a better wife for you. I really know how to wash some dishes,so you will have some help from me.


Lawyer-Divorce-STD check-Expose and there you go. You will find yourself a better woman my friend.

Stay strong.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Any news Vikings?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I certainly think your wife is now addicted to the attention she is receiving. I can't advise you on what YOU should do, but I personally would start the divorce proceedings as soon as possible if it were me. You'll likely get screwed in the divorce, but you'll survive. 

Simply put, you cannot stop her from doing this. She'll just get more and more devious in her methods. Do you want to live life as a detective?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Vikings,

14 pages now and the beat goes on. Maybe i missed something but you are now married to an internet porn star who refuses to give it up. And her putting on shows may be the least of your problems that are in store for you. i would not bet my 401K if I were you that no one has gotten a "live" show in person.

Now you can sit there and continue to beg her to stop, which is fruitless. She is addicted, and it is more important than you. Or you can lower the boom on her and MAYBE, and i use that word cautiously, a lightning bolt might hit her.

There is no more confusion here and no more to figure out. Either you suck it up and get some help accepting it. Or you do something.

you might want to look at some polyamory websites because that is where you seem to unfortunately be headed. They are full of co dependent men who will accept their wives doing anything in order to stay married. You might get good advice there on how to mentally cope with it.

The advice you are getting here I believe assumes you want out of this situation. That is not going to happen without you doing something.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I think he figured as long as he can feed at the trough it better than cutting her loose.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Vikings - when guys like you post them disappear, I want to believe everything worked out and W saw the light and changed back into her old self. Because the trajectory we were left with frankly sucked. Is there a non-sucky ending to this?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Vikings - when guys like you post them disappear, I want to believe everything worked out and W saw the light and changed back into her old self. Because the trajectory we were left with frankly sucked. Is there a non-sucky ending to this?


More than likely his WW did not suddenly have an epiphany and start doing what was necessary with real remorse.

And it is also unlikely that Vikings suddenly decided to grumpily accept his life as a cuckold.

My bet is that he is caught up in the drama and emotional h*ll of having just slapped his foolish WW with D papers and hasn't had a respite yet to come back to update or get advice on what to do next in the D.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Or his lawyer advised him to play with his cards really close to his chest.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Vikings said:


> My nightmare started nearly 4 weeks ago when I caught my wife taking nude photos. She met men on myfitnesspal MFP and started having cybersex. I only knew of the Skype account until I few days ago I discovered her KIK account. She unlocked it this morning and I only got to see the front page. We are going to open this evening again together and deleted the account. I have the device it is on.
> 
> When she opened it she had 117 messages from different men for internet sex from Monday, that's right in 1 day. How does that happen? Is she in some groups on KIK? I created my own KIK account 2 days ago and I have received 0 messages.
> 
> Can you guys please help me understand how KIK works?



....and we get another new thread.


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