# What should I do to stop husband's immature behaviour?



## Heartweaver (Apr 13, 2016)

My problem is very minor compared to many of the marriage problems that most other people face, but please hear me out.

When we were first together, he wasn't such a jerk, or maybe I just wasn't as aware of it until we got married and moved in together. (Warning: disgusting details ahead) He would constantly terrorise me with dirty earbuds, fingers with poop, dirty shoes, leave underwear with skid stains everywhere and sometimes pees in cups until it's so full that it's difficult to empty it without spilling, then complains about me spilling it. 

I have tried speaking to him about it in a civil manner many times, he just claims that I am being OCD about cleanliness and thinks it's all great fun. Maybe I do have OCD, as I tend to get sick as well as allergic reactions easily if I don't take care of my hygiene enough, but I think that even a normal person with no OCD will find his behaviour disgusting. He almost never apologises for anything as he always thinks he's right, so having an argument is out of the question because he always wins.

Short of an ultimatum, what can I do to stop his behaviour, or is there no hope for me? It's not even like it's something he's unconscious of, but something that he actively does and will be able to change, if he wants to.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

2 questions:

Are there children involved? And what does this mean?



Heartweaver said:


> fingers with poop


It is a very dangerous situation that a) a man lives like this and b) you are so accustomed to it/scared of him to realize it so you have to ask a forum if it is bad enough to have social services come by (answer yes).

No kids just makes it easier. Walk out the door today and tell him you'll come back when he REALLY wants help. Kids, it's the same thing but harder.

Unless I'm on candid camera...

:scratchhead:


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Heartweaver said:


> Short of an ultimatum, what can I do to stop his behaviour,


Short of an ultimatum? You ARE new here. An "ultimatum" is worthless. Go ahead. Give it a try. An ultimatum without action is nothing.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Sounds like he needs to grow up. He's acting like a child and that stuff is gross. Tell him to grow up.
Do you have kids?

I would sit him down and tell him that this is not behavior for a grown man and to cut it out.

I get joking around a bit but you have to know where to draw a line.


Sent from my iPhone


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"He would constantly terrorise me ...."

are we talking like chasing a girl around the playground with a frog, playful teasing? or actually touch you with that stuff? are you laughing or reacting in a funny way (other than disgust)?

there's a big difference between silly teasing and abusive cruelty. 

we guys are gross, but yours is crossing the line. what's up with the pee cups? and the poop? where was he raised?


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## Heartweaver (Apr 13, 2016)

MachoMcCoy said:


> 2 questions:
> 
> Are there children involved? And what does this mean?
> 
> ...


I'm serious, but the reason that I can't just walk out as I please is because I am financially. I'm not afraid to let him know, but rather I have given up with frustration.

I don't have kids, by the way.


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## Heartweaver (Apr 13, 2016)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Short of an ultimatum? You ARE new here. An "ultimatum" is worthless. Go ahead. Give it a try. An ultimatum without action is nothing.


I am not really in a position to give an ultimatum, and it isn't serious enough to justify one. If I make an ultimatum I would mean it.


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## Heartweaver (Apr 13, 2016)

citygirl4344 said:


> Sounds like he needs to grow up. He's acting like a child and that stuff is gross. Tell him to grow up.
> Do you have kids?
> 
> I would sit him down and tell him that this is not behavior for a grown man and to cut it out.
> ...


I have already tried it, but he doesn't listen and think it's just great fun that I should lighten up to.


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## Heartweaver (Apr 13, 2016)

ReidWright said:


> "He would constantly terrorise me ...."
> 
> are we talking like chasing a girl around the playground with a frog, playful teasing? or actually touch you with that stuff? are you laughing or reacting in a funny way (other than disgust)?
> 
> ...



Mostly teasing, but occasionally he would touch me with these stuff, I would act in disgust but he thinks it's fun. He's just too lazy to go to the bathroom for the pee cups thing, and I try to make sure that he empties the cups himself. As for the poop, he enjoys going after me with it. I think he's being a jerk but he denies it. He's raised in Northern Ireland, but I don't think it's relevant at all as his family aren't like that and neither are most people here.


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## pineapple (Apr 9, 2016)

Heartweaver said:


> Mostly teasing, but occasionally he would touch me with these stuff, I would act in disgust but he thinks it's fun. He's just too lazy to go to the bathroom for the pee cups thing, and I try to make sure that he empties the cups himself. As for the poop, he enjoys going after me with it. I think he's being a jerk but he denies it. He's raised in Northern Ireland, but I don't think it's relevant at all as his family aren't like that and neither are most people here.


He needs professional help!


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Heartweaver said:


> I have already tried it, but he doesn't listen and think it's just great fun that I should lighten up to.




Personally I would say normal people don't behave like this. Maybe not the best thing to say but ew.
Stop reacting...if he does something just ignore him. Half of the entertainment for him is getting a reaction from you.
Just like a toddler.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Threatening people with bodily excretions and faeces is probably a criminal offence.

Dial 999/911/000 and report him.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm sorry, but it sounds like he was raised in a barn. I wouldn't tolerate someone chasing me with feces on their hands for 2 seconds...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Heartweaver said:


> It's not even like it's something he's unconscious of, but something that he actively does and will be able to change, if he wants to.


Is he able to change? Sounds more like there is a psychiatric condition or a fetish or domination/humiliation issue. 
According to you he feels no regret or remorse putting you through that and is not disgusted by it (I mean who runs around with his dirty finger wanting to show it off, doing it more than once is no joke anymore, it shows that he somehow gets pleasure out of it.).

I really don't think an ultimatum is able to change his behaviour. Get yourself out off this mess.


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## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

Too lazy to go to the bathroom?
Man, that is gross! No one should have to live like that. 

You said you're financially dependent on him? Maybe that's something you can wok on? 

How old are you two?


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

Heartweaver said:


> Mostly teasing, but occasionally he would touch me with these stuff, I would act in disgust but he thinks it's fun.


He thinks touching you with poop or other disgusting stuff is fun?? That sounds abusive to me. 



Heartweaver said:


> He's just too lazy to go to the bathroom for the pee cups thing, and I try to make sure that he empties the cups himself.


Ok I am losing my mind now. 



Heartweaver said:


> As for the poop, he enjoys going after me with it. I think he's being a jerk but he denies it. He's raised in Northern Ireland, but I don't think it's relevant at all as his family aren't like that and neither are most people here.


Heartweaver, I suggest sitting him down and letting him know that you do not like this behavior, do not find it funny and if he wants to keep it up he can leave and go abuse someone else. I'm not sure what you meant by the finances? Meaning you are dependent on him for money? Thankfully you don't have kids. 

Don't put up with this. If you are dependent on him financially, can you take steps to become more independent?


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Serious issues.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

OK I've dealt with immature and I've dealt with OCD. And let me tell you that there is nothing Normal about your situation. An OCD person would be hiding in the closet, or scrubbing, or worse. An immature person would be pretending that chocolate cake batter was poop.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you? 

How long have you been married?

It sounds to me like he has serious mental health issues. It's not 'normal' to play with human poop. The reason that we have toilets to get rid of poop is that it's a filthy substance that can be filled with all kinds of bacteria, parasites and other things that can get us ill.

I do think that what he is doing is a form of abuse because he's using it to torment you and he's endangering your health.

What he's doing is not funny. But as long as you do not really take it seriously, he won't either. If you were serious about not wanting him to do these things, you would tell him that either he stops or you are leaving... "I'm not staying in a marriage with man who plays with his own poop and pees all over the place. I'm leaving."

Clearly you don't really find this to be a serious issue. So it might be a good idea if you start by YOU going to a psychiatrist to find out why you would stay in this situation.

If you are financially dependent on him, why not get a job and become independent? Then you can do what is best for youself.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The first time he came after me with poop he would get hurt, that is some f'ed stuff, there is nothing funny about it.

Are you and he doing drugs or a lot of drinking? That's about the only way I could see someone behaving that way or you putting up with it.

I get a little nauseated thinking about how bad your house looks and smells.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You need to move out. He needs help. He is regressing backwards. He may have Reactive Attachment Disorder RAD. Smearing feces on himself is a defensive mechanism to ward off a perceived threat.

Was he on psychiatric drugs before and now has gone off of them? Maybe, he is reverting back to his formerly childish behavior. IMHO. His mind may be going south. Send him to a psychiatrist, hurry!


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

citygirl4344 said:


> Sounds like he needs to grow up. He's acting like a child and that stuff is gross. Tell him to grow up.
> Do you have kids?
> 
> I would sit him down and tell him that this is not behavior for a grown man and to cut it out.
> ...


Worse than a child . leave . no changes , divorce him . or live that way for the rest of your life .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Disclaimer: I am not a qualified to give any professional help:

If he has never presented with any psychiatric conditions and he does not have a family history of these disorders, consider the following:

Brain trauma from injury...maybe mini-stroke or aneurism
Brain tumor
High functioning autism


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Heartweaver said:


> Mostly teasing, but occasionally he would touch me with these stuff, I would act in disgust but he thinks it's fun. He's just too lazy to go to the bathroom for the pee cups thing, and I try to make sure that he empties the cups himself. As for the poop, he enjoys going after me with it. I think he's being a jerk but he denies it. He's raised in Northern Ireland, but I don't think it's relevant at all as his family aren't like that and neither are most people here.


Tell his mother.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sorry, but at this point you are every bit as crazy as him. You are asking how to stop and/or minimize your husband taking his own feces and tossing it at you?

Either this is a bogus thread, or you should be asking yourself why the hell you would spend another second with a man who is too "lazy" to urinate in a toilet and who gets some kind of laugh out of handling his own feces.

SERIOUSLY.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Heartweaver said:


> I am not really in a position to give an ultimatum, and it isn't serious enough to justify one. If I make an ultimatum I would mean it.


It isn't serious enough? Are you kidding?! 

First, it's disgusting.
Second, How can you have respect for a man that is too lazy to get up to pee in the toilet? 
And finally, the fact that you have expressed disgust and he persists and in fact actually touches you with his feces, is degrading, and a serious crossing of reasonable boundaries.

If finances are the reason you are staying then get a job. Even a cardboard box would be more hygienic than that. 

Or resign yourself to living with sh!t and being treated like sh!t.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yeah 

That's way past the norms of society, let alone a proper upbringing of personal hygiene. 

For me, there's not really an ultimatum. If he was over at my place and was too lazy to get up and take a p!ss in the toilet and used a glass....

First thing is that I'd bit(h slap him upside the head. Then I'd make him empty that glass and use bleach anywhere he sat or touched. Then I'd make him bleach and wash that glass. 

....then I'd use that same glass and bit(h slap him upside the temple once more. Then drag him by his ballz outside my house and throw him off my back deck. 


But, you know....that's just me. I kind of over react like that when someone decides to pizz in a glass while sitting on my couch when the bathroom is 8 steps away. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Somewhere in all that action above, I'd probably give a stern reprimand in there too, for good measure. Just in case he didn't "get it"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

He expects you to be intimate with him after doing this gross, vile, abusive behavior? Just the thought would make me vomit. On him.

IamSomebody


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> Disclaimer: I am not a qualified to give any professional help:
> 
> If he has never presented with any psychiatric conditions and he does not have a family history of these disorders, consider the following:
> 
> ...


Seems unlikely to be High Functioning Asperger's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> I'm sorry, but it sounds like he was raised in a barn. I wouldn't tolerate someone chasing me with feces on their hands for 2 seconds...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A barn sounds too civilised for this guy. A pig pen is probably closer to the mark.

If this is true then OP, you have got yourself one prize catch there. Sorry but he is mentally unstable.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

With habits like that, can he even keep a job?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

sidney2718 said:


> Tell his mother.


I think mom is only a shout away, as in upstairs. 

I picture two eighteen year old high school drop outs living in moms basement. They have nothing to their name except a sixty inch TV to play video games on. The bathroom is upstairs and since he's always stoned it's easier to just pee in a cup and just keep playing video games. When he does manage to get upstairs to use the bathroom he's so damn proud of himself he likes to bring back a little souvenir to share with his wife, "look I did a poop!". All he's looking for is a little affirmation for using the potty like a "big boy", oh and maybe a cookie as a reward.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

NextTimeAround said:


> With habits like that, can he even keep a job?


Let's hope he's not in the food service industry.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Cooper said:


> Let's hope he's not in the food service industry.




Ewwww.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Seems unlikely to be High Functioning Asperger's.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 @MattMatt yes, not high functioning Asperger's. This is low functioning behavior. Juvenile behavior. Regressive.

Sometimes we get dishonest posters...pokers actually. This is one of those that I hope fits the bill.

Someone commented that both of the parties need help. Him for deep counseling and medication, her for her passive response, poor interpersonal expectations and poor self esteem.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What should I do to stop husband's *sick* behaviour?

There, fixed that for ya.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Is this thread for real? I can't see any reasonable human being (with a lick of sense, as my mama used to say), behaving in such a way.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Nope. It's bogus. If it's not, the OP is too far gone to probably grasp that this behavior is waaaayyyyyy beyond "immature."


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

OMGoodness..how gross!! Did he have this types of behavior before you were married?

If he knows that you're financially dependent on him, it's a very strange way of manipulating you with poop stained undies and pee cups around the house..

Regardless, I'd run like hell if I were you as, if you don't mind my using the phrase, "That just ain't right..."

Some people are into that crap though..(no pun intended) and he may have kept that a secret from you until you were married. By that I mean that some people are into "crap" where pee and feces are actual aphrodisiacs to them. Gross as it sounds, they pee and poop on each other along with doing all sorts of disgusting things regarding the Urinary Tract and digestion.

I only know this because I'm a health major and have taken several Psychology classes where we've studied personality types that tended towards these types of things.

To be honest, I really don't think there's a way of changing him as it may be just a way of thinking, gross as it is.

Considering the fact that the two of you don't have any children, calling the Health Department will only help the two of you lose your home. Honestly I don't think they'll make a stink (again..no pun intended) about it as it's pee in cups and your home isn't infested with it; like all over the floors and carpets and walls, etc. 

It's probably best you leave him to his "fetish" and get out...hard as it may be.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This is abuse. Get yourself to an abused women's centre and live there poop and pee free.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

So he runs after you with his own faeces on his hands and pees into cups because he's too lazy to go to the toilet?

If this is a troll - high points for originality.

If this is real - he's deranged. Better get him some psychiatric help imo.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Heartweaver said:


> My problem is very minor compared to many of the marriage problems that most other people face, but please hear me out.
> 
> When we were first together, he wasn't such a jerk, or maybe I just wasn't as aware of it until we got married and moved in together. (Warning: disgusting details ahead) He would constantly terrorise me with dirty earbuds, fingers with poop, dirty shoes, leave underwear with skid stains everywhere and sometimes pees in cups until it's so full that it's difficult to empty it without spilling, then complains about me spilling it.
> 
> ...


This is disgusting. Normal people do not behave like this at all. I hope you do not have kids. I think you should leave. 

If this is real and you want to save the marriage, draw up divorce papers so he understands it is serious. 

I doubt this is real, but if it is, leave.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

My guess is somewhere an adolescent boy is picking his nose and laughing while he blows out big farts. JMO.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Prodigal said:


> My guess is somewhere an adolescent boy is picking his nose and laughing while he blows out big farts. JMO.



Oh I think he's taking it much further than that......he's taking that ****** and sticking it in his butt hole and then lighting his fart..... laughing like crazy as he shoots flaming buggers into his pee cups.


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