# Divorce while pregnant



## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Hi Everyone. 
Just wondering if anyone else has gone through what I am right now. I am a mother of 3, and I am currently pregnant with my 4th child. I recently got married last July. My husband and I live in Hawaii and live on different islands. He is not the father of the first 3 children. 
A little history - 
He was a close friend and we've known each other as friends for a while. He then later confided in me that he has admired me for years and wanted to see me. We dated for a month and he said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. I was in shock. My feelings were growing for him rapidly, of course we all know this as the fantastical honeymoon stage. There were some goings on around us that had to do with a lot of mortality on both sides of our family, we felt we loved each other and one night he looked at me and said "I'm going to marry you tomorrow." Again, shock. We talked and he seemed so very adamant at being a part of my life, and my children's lives, and accepting responsibility for them. I don't think he really knew what that meant. My husband is 25 and I am a little older than he, by 5 years. So long story short, we decided to get married, by August I was pregnant. 

Eventually he began getting distant, accusing me of wanting to be with my ex, posting lies on facebook about me. On our 6th month anniversary in January, he sends me a Happy Anniversary text. That night he says it's over, that he can't do it anymore, he can't take the pressure. I told him I'm not pressuring him. He agreed, that I wasn't but said there was other pressure. I soon found out his family wasn't pro our marriage. 

He then proceeded to cut me off. He removed his wedding ring, went out, got drunk, (I only know this because we have mutual friends on facebook), and acted like we were never married. However, legally, we still are, as we can't get a divorce until paternity is established, according to the law. 

I didn't know what to do. I broke down everyday. Sometimes I still do. He just stopped talking to me. And never during the course of the fallout did he ask how I was doing, how the baby was, in fact, the baby was not his concern. 

I got to talk to him recently. He wants to be friends, thinks he can just show back up in my life after about a month of leaving me with the feeling of abandonment, and be friends like before. Says he wants to be there for the baby, yet has no idea what that means. He says he's over the relationship because he can't focus. He says he was gaining weight and not working like he should. All of that, I said, is not on me. We don't even live in the same place, that's on you. But everything the entire time he was talking was about HIM HIM HIM, everything that came out of his mouth was ME ME ME, and I don't know how he expects to be a father, when he can't even get past himself to think of someone else, much less a child. 

I still break down. Its so painful. I'm guessing that if he says he's not in love anymore, possibly he never was. Or maybe it's youth. Whatever it is, this is the worst heartbreak I've ever experienced. Anyone have tips on how to emotionally get through this? 
Its been such a roller coaster ride, and I'm just trying to make it to a healthy length of pregnancy.


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## kdruark (Feb 2, 2011)

I cant really offer too much advice, but I completely understand how u feel. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. 
I am 7 mos pregnant and last month my husband basically asked me for an open marriage because he is having feelings towards a coworker, and then pretty much forced a seperation on me. I havnet been the best wife to him, I will admit. (u can read my post:husband seeing another girl to save our marriage?!) 
I am so scared that I am going to have some kind of complication from all of the stress and crying. I have even had some kind of lump show up on my eye-dr said maybe from all the crying, or possible old injury. My hubby is great with kids, he absolutely loves kids and has begged me for years to get prego. I finally decided the time was right and now Im alone. He used to touch my belly and ask about the baby, lately-nada. He usually couldnt go to dr visits cause of work or college but with the snow, he could have gone last week, he knew when it was and didnt offer to go. So i drove myself in the blizzard, the few blocks to our dr, and sat there by myself like usual-well I measured smaller than 2 weeks ago so I got rushed to ultrasound(all is ok) but I was there alone freaking out. He didnt even ask about the appt, I had to tell him he forgot-the next day! He cried and apologized and felt really bad-but damn! he should feel bad. 
I understand how you feel completely and just know that u arent alone, I am here if you want/need to talk. Send me a message or email [email protected]. I know its hard to do, but just try to stay calm and do what is best for your baby-thats what im trying to do, even tho it is extremely difficult to eat and sleep or think about anything but how hurt I am. We have babies to think about, we have to try to stay calm and healthy.


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Thank you so much and I hope your situation gets better as well. My husband is actually coming to see me tonight. I am scared and frustrated and I want to see him so badly, but then again I don't. The emotions are raw, and he just wants to be friends. Im not emotionally equipped to go from giving someone all my love and devotion to just friendship. All I can do now is pray.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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