# All of a sudden my husband can't or wont have sex with me



## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Ok, I feel weird about posting this but I really need some advice or a different perspective on this issue. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We got married young and actually have had a really good marriage. Up until recently we have always had a great sex life. We are compatible in bed and both have very high sex drives. Other than the months right after I had a baby (we have 3), I have stayed in good shape. I eat healthy and work out several days a week including strength training; so my body has held up quite well. My husband also eats relatively healthy and works out several times a week. So this is why I don’t understand how he has this problem.

My husband is about to turn 35 years old and all of a sudden has problems keeping an erection. It started a few weeks ago. We were on vacation and had been drinking throughout the day. I surprised him with lingerie and candles. He was unable to get a full erection. This was a HUGE blow to my ego as it has never happened before. I took it very personally. He swears it was not me and that it was due to drinking through the day. But since then it has happened again. He had an erection and as we were about to have sex he lost it. Also, I asked him for a quickie once and he finished literally in a minute. This has never happened before and he seemed embarrassed. He has went from trying to have sex with me multiple times a day, to hardly at all. 

How can I not take this personally? I have read that it is highly unlikely for a man to have physical ED problem at such a young age. He swears it is not me and that he doesn't know why this is happening. I have considered that he may be cheating or wants to cheat. The actual cheating part is highly unlikely as I always know where he is and our phones and Facebook accounts are open to each other. I have never suspected him of cheating before and he has never given me a reason to. He is very loving towards me and treats me extremely well. However, I am not stupid and I know things like this happen in good marriages. 

I guess I just need some advice from people that have been there or other men that have been through something similar. I am feeling very low and confused. I do not know how to react. He currently has plans to make an appointment with his DR to discuss the problem. But as I mentioned before it seems unlikely for a young and healthy male to have a physical problem with ED. Any advice is very much appreciated!!


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

When he had problems the first time how did you react? I know you said you took it personaly, how did you express that to him?


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

I Don't Know said:


> When he had problems the first time how did you react? I know you said you took it personaly, how did you express that to him?


I was upset and cried. But in my defense, I had planned this night well in advance. I bought expensive lingerie and other things to add some excitement. We had a romantic bath together in a hot tub, candles, the whole nine yards. I was looking forward to a night of hot, no kids around sex. I am sure all of you that are married with kids can relate lol.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Worst thing you can do is jump to conclusions and make this worse for him. If there are no other red flags (absent times, change in demeanor towards you or the family, etc.) then don't assume cheating. Keep your eyes open, even do a little discrete monitoring if you want, but this is not enough for you to go nuts and full-on sleuth.

Best thing you can do is encourage him and work with him. Keep talking and watch his actions. If he follows through with the doc appointment in a quick manner, that is huge, since it means he is taking your concerns seriously. ED in men his age _is_ uncommon but not unheard of.

Unless you turn up something (i.e., that he is cheating, he admits to continuing masturbating), then the worst thing you can do is make a big deal of it. I get it; the other night was planned and you were disappointed. But harping on it or moping is going to magnify the problem in his mind and what may be physical or just a stress period may form a mental block for him. You know, sometime in the future, you could be on the other end of this stick: some women in menopause have lubrication problems. Your H could draw from that conclusion that you didn't turn him on any more. If that happens to you, do you want your husband to be supportive? Or take it personally and be upset. If he does the second, how would you feel? You should act accordingly. I am sure he already feels like crap about it.

If your H is in all other ways being a good husband, then be supportive and wait and see what his doc says. It could be diet, stress, any number of things. If he puts it off, then you should prod him - gently at first, then more insistently.

Good luck, I hope a solution turns up soon.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

First time blame it on the alcohol and the times since might be from your reaction that night.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Convection said:


> Worst thing you can do is jump to conclusions and make this worse for him. If there are no other red flags (absent times, change in demeanor towards you or the family, etc.) then don't assume cheating. Keep your eyes open, even do a little discrete monitoring if you want, but this is not enough for you to go nuts and full-on sleuth.
> 
> Best thing you can do is encourage him and work with him. Keep talking and watch his actions. If he follows through with the doc appointment in a quick manner, that is huge, since it means he is taking your concerns seriously. ED in men his age _is_ uncommon but not unheard of.
> 
> ...



thank you this is good advice! I need to be more trusting and supportive and I would want him to be supportive of me as he has been in the past after having babies. I definitely don't see any other red flags but am just floored that this is happening at such a young age. And if it is psychological shouldn't he know what it is? I'm almost hoping something turns up at the docs office like low testosterone or something but not really expecting that since he is such good shape.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

leyna said:


> thank you this is good advice! I need to be more trusting and supportive and I would want him to be supportive of me as he has been in the past after having babies. I definitely don't see any other red flags but am just floored that this is happening at such a young age. And if it is psychological shouldn't he know what it is? I'm almost hoping something turns up at the docs office like low testosterone or something but not really expecting that since he is such good shape.


Actually the best turn out is not that it's low T. 

But instead that it was too much drinking that day. And then your reaction has caused him to feel insecure. 

You need to find way to repair the damage done by your reaction. I get that it was the first time this ever happened and you were caught off guard and unaware of how to handle it. But now you know that this can happen. Take some of the blame on yourself for these few incidents. Then in the future when it happens don't fuss. You can still continue some sensual time together. Still enjoy each other. And hopefully it will be a rare occurrence.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

You'd be surprised.

I went into an ED forum online last November and was shocked at how many young dudes were on there with problems. That's annecdotal of course but still it did surprise me.

Keep in mind Ed can very often be transitional and come and go for no apparent reason. I had a 3 week bout last November and couldn't figure out why. Nothing had changed. That was 8 months ago and no real issues since then. Who knows.

Anyway, best of luck. Go easy on your guy and it'll probably turn out to be psychological and transitional. Seeing the sawbones is still a good idea though, regardless.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Thank you all! I get what people are saying about my reaction, I really do. But while my reaction wasn't the best, it certainly wasn't the worst. 

I should have added in my original post that we talked about it and he said he had been experiencing problems BEFORE that night. I just wasn't really aware of it. But after talking about I realized that yes his sex drive had been gradually getting lower. Also, after that night we had sex several times with no problems. I had basically forgotten about it, but then it started happening again. So I do not think this is all about my reaction. But I still don't know know what it is!

All I know for certain is that I am tired of feeling low, blaming myself and feeling that I am not attractive enough to him anymore. Hoping to hear from more people that have been through this.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Leyna-

I agree with Elegirl...What if you put the pressure on him to perform or he put pressure on himself? Maybe you really did surprise him. You put in a lot of effort to make it the perfect night. He let you down... With the alcohol, his abilities were off. He knew you were upset. Now he may have performance anxiety because of that one night... I know my mind plays tricks on me all the time...I think his mind is not letting go of that night.

I think his ego may be temporarily shot like yours. Libido/Ed/low T... doesn't just drop overnight. 

Is your husband sensitive?

Does his feelings get hurt easily?

Did he normally please you sexually...making sure you climax first?

PIV is not the only way for him to please you.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> You'd be surprised.
> 
> I went into an ED forum online last November and was shocked at how many young dudes were on there with problems. That's annecdotal of course but still it did surprise me.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your reply. This gives me a lot of hope that it is temporary!


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Trickster said:


> Leyna-
> 
> I agree with Elegirl...What if you put the pressure on him to perform or he put pressure on himself? Maybe you really did surprise him. You put in a lot of effort to make it the perfect night. He let you down... With the alcohol, his abilities were off. He knew you were upset. Now he may have performance anxiety because of that one night... I know my mind plays tricks on me all the time...I think his mind is not letting go of that night.
> 
> ...


I can see how he may still be hanging on to that night. The last time it happened he sort of freaked out a little and said he was sorry and didn't know why this keeps happening. I asked him why he didn't try to have more foreplay with me to get his erection back and he said he did not want me to get upset again. 

He can be somewhat sensitive yes but we have had sex several times successfully after that night. And yes he does please me and I am sure he would be willing to do other things, but to be honest at our age I would not be happy living that way. That is not being able to give my husband an erection. I work very hard to stay in shape and attractive. I hope that makes sense...


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

leyna said:


> Thank you all! I get what people are saying about my reaction, I really do. But while my reaction wasn't the best, it certainly wasn't the worst.
> 
> I should have added in my original post that we talked about it and he said he had been experiencing problems BEFORE that night. I just wasn't really aware of it. But after talking about I realized that yes his sex drive had been gradually getting lower. Also, after that night we had sex several times with no problems. I had basically forgotten about it, but then it started happening again. So I do not think this is all about my reaction. But I still don't know know what it is!
> 
> All I know for certain is that I am tired of feeling low, blaming myself and feeling that I am not attractive enough to him anymore. Hoping to hear from more people that have been through this.



This may have nothing to do with if he is still attracted to you...This is him and his mind...


How were y'all able to have sex 3X a day with kids?


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Trickster said:


> This may have nothing to do with if he is still attracted to you...This is him and his mind...
> 
> 
> How were y'all able to have sex 3X a day with kids?


Quietly! lol Our kids are not babies or toddlers anymore. When they were little things were harder but we have always still managed at least several times a week.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

leyna said:


> Thank you all! I get what people are saying about my reaction, I really do. But while my reaction wasn't the best, it certainly wasn't the worst.
> 
> I should have added in my original post that we talked about it and he said he had been experiencing problems BEFORE that night. I just wasn't really aware of it. But after talking about I realized that yes his sex drive had been gradually getting lower. Also, after that night we had sex several times with no problems. I had basically forgotten about it, but then it started happening again. So I do not think this is all about my reaction. But I still don't know know what it is!
> 
> All I know for certain is that I am tired of feeling low, blaming myself and feeling that I am not attractive enough to him anymore. Hoping to hear from more people that have been through this.


To be honest too much drinking can cause problems with erection.

The other part of it, is drinking will reduce your testosterone over time, and also make you get fatter.

If hubby isn't working out, too much drinking will catch up with him and let him experience all types of issues.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

leyna said:


> Quietly! lol Our kids are not babies or toddlers anymore. When they were little things were harder but we have always still managed at least several times a week.


My wife was always afraid we would wake our daughter up. Even now our daughter is 11, my wife has to make sure she is sound asleep. She even still stays with her at night until she falls asleep. Then my wife falls asleep first... That could be because she tries to avoid sex.lol...

Your husband doesn't seem to be doing that...


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

This happened to me last month. I was having major erection problems. Wife tried turning me on and nothing....and im very very sexually attracted to my wife. I could be just lightly massaging her and get an erection. Anyways....from doing huge...huge...huge research...and have talked to my doctor. .. It most of the time has to do pyscological...his diet...stress....alcohol....and sometimes low testosterone. Dont think its u cuz most positivly....its not. 

Like with me...my erections are starting to comeback....pretty well. One question though....has he or does he at all look at porn? Cuz i never do of the damaging affects that porn can cause. As far as the age goes....im 36....and on normal basis...i have a very very high sex drive.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

lordfire00 said:


> This happened to me last month. I was having major erection problems. Wife tried turning me on and nothing....and im very very sexually attracted to my wife. I could be just lightly massaging her and get an erection. Anyways....from doing huge...huge...huge research...and have talked to my doctor. .. It most of the time has to do pyscological...his diet...stress....alcohol....and sometimes low testosterone. Dont think its u cuz most positivly....its not.
> 
> Like with me...my erections are starting to comeback....pretty well. One question though....has he or does he at all look at porn? Cuz i never do of the damaging affects that porn can cause. As far as the age goes....im 36....and on normal basis...i have a very very high sex drive.


Thank you so much for the reply! Maybe this is not that uncommon and hopefully temporary.

No he does not look at porn. We have watched it together sometimes in the past but I am fairly certain he does not watch it alone.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Trickster said:


> My wife was always afraid we would wake our daughter up. Even now our daughter is 11, my wife has to make sure she is sound asleep. She even still stays with her at night until she falls asleep. Then my wife falls asleep first... That could be because she tries to avoid sex.lol...
> 
> Your husband doesn't seem to be doing that...[/QUOT
> 
> I've just always made sure our doors were locked and we weren't doing anything that would be in ear shot of them. We have never had a problem with them walking in or hearing anything. I guess I can understand how some mothers might be worried about it.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

alright, stop it. Just because a poor guy gets a flaccid penis why do women assume it is all about them. the most common reasons for a flaccid penis are:
otc medications
prescription medications
job stress
normal aging process
cholesterol building in the blood vessels
too much drinking
(edit to add) diabetes

Jeez, help the poor guy out a little.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> alright, stop it. Just because a poor guy gets a flaccid penis why do women assume it is all about them. the most common reasons for a flaccid penis are:
> otc medications
> prescription medications
> job stress
> ...


:iagree: QFT


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> :iagree: QFT


What an unnecessary rude reply!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

leyna said:


> What an unnecessary rude reply!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



How is it rude?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

leyna said:


> What an unnecessary rude reply!


Not rude at all. I agreed with the post and said so. What we do here is we all give our opinions on things. People have different opinions. It's often good to hear many different takes on a topic.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Appreciate the feedback from the posters that took their time to post helpful replies. Seems that this type of thing is often temporary so that's what I'll hope for!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

QFT?

Quoted for Truth?

Trying to see if this is rude. Elegirl doesn't post rude posts. Not that I know of...


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## ohiodude (Jan 25, 2012)

Alcohol and possibly low T. I don't even have a beer on "those" days.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

leyna said:


> I was upset and cried. *But in my defense, I had planned this night well in advance.* I bought expensive lingerie and other things to add some excitement. We had a romantic bath together in a hot tub, candles, the whole nine yards. I was looking forward to a night of hot, no kids around sex. I am sure all of you that are married with kids can relate lol.


I know this has been touched on already, but I just wanted to speak to the bolded part. YOU may have planned this in advance, but in the original post you stated this was a surprise for him, so HE didn't plan it. It was sprung on him. That's a good thing, but since we are talking about his limp noodle that night, he didn't have the benefit of a multi-day/week lead up of excitement here, he had to get going in an instance and when he couldn't, you didn't react well. As you yourself said, this NEVER happens, but the first time it does you cry? I'd wager he's worried that he's walking in a field of landmines each time he goes into the bedroom now. What if I can't get it up one more time? What if this is something that will happen often? What if this is the start of a problem? All thoughts he likely will have, and he has to worry that you won't be by his side through it. 

I know you said you have had sex multiple times since, but you really need to talk to him about that incident. He needs to know sex isn't all about success, that some level of 'failure' (for lack of a better word) is permitted.



murphy5 said:


> alright, stop it. Just because a poor guy gets a flaccid penis why do women assume it is all about them. the most common reasons for a flaccid penis are:
> otc medications
> prescription medications
> job stress
> ...


While I agree with you in general, lets not forget the guy is getting it -based on the OP's claims- of maybe multiple times per day and to be fair to her this is the first time his gone limp on her ever. Yep, she jumped the gun to much on this but it is easily fixed if she is willing to chill out on the issue. The poor guy could be helped out a little, but by all accounts his little guy is being helped out plenty. I'd wager 95% of guys on this forum would gladly swap places.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

The rude responses I was referring to are the few that came here to tell me that I needed to "just stop" and basically that it was all my fault because of one reaction, which is a little ridiculous. 
Also I stated that we are in great shape, eat healthy and exercise several times a week. I am fully aware of what normally causes ED but this isn't normal in a man that is his age and healthy. He only drinks occasionally so that isn't the real issue here. There is obviously more to it. 
I came here looking for advice from other men and women that have been through a similar issue not to be shamed for having a human reaction lol.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

leyna said:


> The rude responses I was referring to are the few that came here to tell me that I needed to "just stop" and basically that it was all my fault because of one reaction, which is a little ridiculous.
> Also I stated that we are in great shape, eat healthy and exercise several times a week. I am fully aware of what normally causes ED but this isn't normal in a man that is his age and healthy. He only drinks occasionally so that isn't the real issue here. *There is obviously more to it. *
> I came here looking for advice from other men and women that have been through a similar issue not to be shamed for having a human reaction lol.


In refence to the bolded, I'd argue there isn't more to it, at least not yet based on what you know.

It happened once. I remember when I was 20 years old I had a time of about two weeks where for some reason I couldn't get it up or if I did I'd go flacid, even in the middle of sex. 

Now being 20 years old I was freaking, but after those three weeks the little soldier went back to being hard as a bullet and looking back on that time I don't think there was anything wrong really, maybe I was just stressed or maybe it was something else but whatever it was it was temporary.

My point is that once in a while things don't work. It's like the satellite TV going out for a bit due to a rainstorm. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong, it means you have to give it a bit of time. You don't call the company to send a repair person in the middle of the thunder storm, you wait to see if the problem persists. Same thing here. 

It can be a hefty burden to have to be in the mood at the drop of the hat every time, be sure to not have your husband thinking he does, especially since he's getting closer to 40.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

leyna said:


> The rude responses I was referring to are the few that came here to tell me that I needed to "just stop" and basically that it was all my fault because of one reaction, which is a little ridiculous.
> Also I stated that we are in great shape, eat healthy and exercise several times a week. I am fully aware of what normally causes ED but this isn't normal in a man that is his age and healthy. He only drinks occasionally so that isn't the real issue here. There is obviously more to it.
> I came here looking for advice from other men and women that have been through a similar issue not to be shamed for having a human reaction lol.


Next time state in possible future posting you only want responses that are in agreement with your points. You shamed him for having a human reaction.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> In refence to the bolded, I'd argue there isn't more to it, at least not yet based on what you know.
> 
> It happened once. I remember when I was 20 years old I had a time of about two weeks where for some reason I couldn't get it up or if I did I'd go flacid, even in the middle of sex.
> 
> ...


Absolutely.

As a much older man that you (I think) I can say it comes and goes and has less to do with age than unexplainable psychological and physiological goings on. 

I have seen my performance over the years go months or years without a glitch and then a sudden bout of ED for days or weeks.
Nothing necessarily changed at all. No apparently external forces like too much drinking or whatever..........just flat.
then, just as mysteriously, it comes back.

Even as a younger bachelor when I paid attended to myself, I would notice occasionally I would have to work at it real hard sometimes to get it up.

I seriously doubt even researchers and doctors in all their great wisdom have a real solid explanation for transitory ED.

Life goes on, and it continues to work. For me, my solution is that I don't worry about a misfire or two. But when It goes beyond that I try to get some Cialis for a jumpstart and inevitably that builds up enough momentum and confidence to get going without it for another run.

Life goes on, and it still works good.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Leyna-

My wife thinks sex is better if it is "spontaneous". For me that doesn't always work. Especially since I never knew if she would be in the mood or not, so I just blocked it out of my mind to avoid disappointment when it didn't happen. So on occasion, she would come to bed naked ready for sex. No affection all day, no romance, no hugs...nothing. Of course I didn't get an erection. My wife was like..." Its been a week, I thought you would be fully loaded and ready"... The she asked me if I relieved myself at any time...I didn't... I just blocked sex out if my mind... Now, we are not having sex..( other issues) but I feared that I wouldn't get an erection when she was ready and then miss my weekly sex opportunity...

Not that any of this applies bto your husband...


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by myself, you know and i feel shame, you know. And then i get free.


you do not feel you are going a little over the top for a couple times his weiner does not work??


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Next time state in possible future posting you only want responses that are in agreement with your points. You shamed him for having a human reaction.


Nothing I said sounded like I didn't want opinions that is what I came here for. No, I do not see how reading bits and pieces of my post and then simply talking down to me for having a reaction is helping at all. 

Also how do you get that I shamed my husband because I started to have feelings like I wasn't good enough. If anything I blamed myself and gave myself a hard time. But yeah thanks for your nice, witty one liner.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You are welcome.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Also have his blood sugar checked and his T3 and T4 levels.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Decorum said:


> Also have his blood sugar checked and his T3 and T4 levels.


Thank you! He is going to the Dr next week and we will definitely have these checked!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm not a male but I was married to one for more than four decades. And, yes, they can be ultra-sensitive about ED. So don't take it personally. And above all -- don't cry. That reinforced for him that he let you down. Act like it's not a big deal or else you could be dealing with a permanent problem instead of a temporary one.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Lila said:


> Leyna:
> 
> My best advice is to go into each session without expectations of success or failure. If ED happens, then no biggie, life goes on. If it doesn't happen, then great, shared good times.


Not only that, if ED happens then it's oral and toy night.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon Leyla
as others have said, this just happens sometimes. Stress makes it worse - especially stress about ED.

Just keep in mind all the fun things you can do if it turns out he can't get an erection on some particular night. In fact its fun to do things other than PIV sex sometimes even when he is able.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

A penis isn't magic. We can't swing our hips and cast spells to get erect. If it doesn't get erect, the worst thing a woman can do is stress her man out about it. Trust me, he was stressed enough with his penis not functioning like it has for his entire life. The more he thinks about it, the less it will work. In fact, during sex, if his mind wonders and he thinks about his penis rather than sex, it will immediately start getting limp. Yes, it is that sensitive and any thought about the penis can literally make the penis deflate. Can you imagine having this tool that has to get hard to please a woman (magically), has to stay hard to please a woman, but you absolutely cannot think about it staying hard and you can't look down and think, "just stay erect for me little man." It's like being on the 100th floor of a skyscraper, tight rope walking, and everyone watching is screaming, DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!! The more you stress him out or mention it, the more you are yelling at him DO NOT LOOK DOWN. Of course, that will always make him look down. 



Also yes, alcohol can thin the blood which makes it hard to get erect or keep an erection. I'd wonder the same about aspirin or other natural blood thinners --- after a bit of research, it seems daily dosage of aspirin does increase the chances of ED.


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## leyna (Aug 2, 2014)

Lila said:


> Leyna:
> 
> I wanted to post to tell you that you're not alone in feeling the way you do about your spouse's ED. I've been there, done that, and can vouch that it is difficult not to take it personally.
> 
> ...


Thank you Lila! It helps so much to know I am not alone in my feelings. You have given me some great advice that I will definitely take to heart!! <3


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Leyna, I don't know if my experience is exactly like yours but here it is. My husband is 59, I am 40; we've been together for 9 years and have always had a good sex life. But there are certainly times where he can't keep an erection, and I know this bothers him a lot. I can totally see him becoming a candidate for performance anxiety if I really took it personally. Instead, when this happens I lean over and tell him not to worry about it, there's always another night. Sometimes we'll just wait and other times he'll find other means of satisfying me, which he's very good at. And in the end, there is another night that things work just fine because he is relaxed around me.

Patience, understanding, and lack of judgement here is of utmost importance. There will likely be other times in his life, especially as he gets older, that this can happen and he absolutely can't be terrified of letting you down. Now if it becomes a regular and long term thing he might need to get checked out for other issues, but if he knows there's no judgement from you it might take care of itself. There are certainly nights my hb wants sex that I'm either not feeling it or can't climax, but if I just tell him it's not happening for me that night he's ok with that and trusts me to tell him if there's anything he can do. And I'm still happy to do what I can for him. 

We are both athletes and I'm in damn good shape, so I don't worry about not being appealing, and he is as well. But these things happen. Take a deep breath, apologize for freaking out, and tell him you understand sh!t happens. Then give him some breathing room. As I said, if this becomes prolonged then he'll need to seek outside help but he must always know he's got your support and understanding. We ask for that from our husbands when we have issues so we should extend it to them as well.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

leyna said:


> ...but this isn't normal in a man that is his age and healthy....


Getting, "Stuck in neutral" as the saying goes for a few days or even longer is perfectly normal at any age.

Can you look down at your forearm and make goosebumps appear from strength of will alone?

If you can, then I tip my hat to you. If you can't, then you have an inkling of what a man is up against when his wife reacts badly to normal lapses in bodily cooperation.


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