# Trust issues with husband



## Daisy69 (Feb 22, 2013)

Hey ya'll...this is first time (forum virgin) and I am at my wits end with my husband. We have been married for 24 plus years and have 2 children, both grown (18 and 24)...I'm gonna cut to quick here and my current unresolved issue is whenever I tell something to my husband and I make sure he knows that "this" stays between him and I before I go any further, he will swear that it will remain between us and I trust him :scratchhead: 
Next thing I know, within hours, he has called some friend and told them all about it. It doesn't matter what it is...I stopped telling him things for years and then he said I was hiding things from him. So, I start to trust him again . For instance, about 5 months ago, our oldest came to ME and told me that he and his wife were expecting. GREAT NEWS but they wanted to wait until after the first trimester before telling EVERYONE. Our son said I could tell his dad (husband can be a bit of a jerk) so I told him and I told him then that it was a SECRET. As soon as I went outside to do laundry, husband called and told one of his friends and 2 of our sons' friends. I was furious and husband's only remark was "I didn't know it was a secret" then it was "I didn't tell anyone". Needless to say, that put a strain on the relationship between me and our son. 
Fast forward to yesterday, same son swallowed body jewelry by mistake and his wife called and told me just to let me know that he was alright. Husband overheard phone conversation and I told him again..."THIS STAYS BETWEEN YOU AND I UNTIL OUR SON TELLS US HIMSELF, do you promise? I'm trusting you to keep this between a man and wife." He said no problem, I promise. I went grocery shopping only to return an hour later to hear him say," John (not real man) called me while you were gone and told me about what happened with our son"... I know dang well, he called "John" but he swore he didn't. I checked the phone bill today and guess what...HE FREAKING LIED TO ME AGAIN!!!! 
What do I do? Telling him how I feel only pisses him off and he turns everything back on me. If he's lying about this stupid crap, is he lying about something bigger. His actions this time have further strained our relationship. SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHY MY HUSBAND IS HELL BENT ON DESTROYING TRUST BETWEEN US.
I have some nice pix of his genitalia from a recent surgery, those were entrusted to me....maybe I should send them out and see how he likes trust being broken...I wouldn't really but he's being a jerk.

Sorry for the *****fest...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Your husband's behavior is disresptful & appears to be some sort of compulsion to tell others "secrets"....almost child-like but very damaging to your relationship & others. If he can't stop blabbing on his own, then he needs professional help.

I agree with you. I would stop telling him anything that is meant to be confidential until he can get this sorted out.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

He lies, betrays your trust and your children's trust, and then he gets pissed at you?? Maybe you guys need MC so an impartial person can explain to him the damage he is causing to your relationship with him and others.

If you sat him down calmly and said how sad it makes you feel that you can't trust him to keep a confidence, whether it has to do with you or a child, he will get angry at you?? If you told him that you can no longer share personal information with him and will need to take all of your phone calls in private, so he doesn't eavesdrop then share that info, he'll get mad at you?

This is very sad and fundamentally wrong, whether between husband and wife, child and parent, friend to friend. I hope you get this worked out.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

You tell your husband that you are not going to share any intimate information about yourself or anyone else with him.

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he's a blabbermouth and can't keep a secret to save his, or someone else's life. He's betrayed that trust and will need to earn it back.

You could also make up stuff to tell him to test him. Something like a cousin's son is gay. Watch the fireworks and then when he's sitting there in a huff about the lie. You can just look at him and laugh!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My husband did that. Anything I told him (anything we shared at all, really) was fair game for him to share with his buddies. Of course, their secrets were closely guarded even from me. He could keep their secrets, but not mine. In our case, it was a reflection of his profound lack of respect for me. Basically, he just didn't think he owed his wife much in the way of loyalty and protection. It wasn't a concious decision on his part, it was simply the way he worked at a fundamental level.

MC is an absolute must. Failing that (perhaps even with that), you have to decide if you'll just not tell him things and live with the lack of closeness and trust in your marriage, or if this is a deal-breaker for you.


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## Kelly21 (Feb 27, 2013)

I agree with all the above posts. Just because you have been married for 24 years does not give him the license to walk all over you!


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