# Afraid I married the wrong guy



## Agayle (Jun 6, 2013)

My husband is wonderful. He loves me unconditionally and is happy how things are. I wish I felt the same. I want so badly to love him like he loves me, but I feel... Unhappy. We've done counseling and it puts a little bandaid on things and makes me feel like I'm the problem... I guess I am. Before my husband, i was in love with another guy for years and needed to get away from my hometown just to do it. He tried to get me to stay but in my mind I needed to go. We loved each other passionately but I was getting tired of waiting for him to commit. When I left he realized he was ready. I met my husband while I was away and we were married 18 months later from the time we started dating. It's been 2.5 years now and I can't keep pretending. I love my amazing sweet husband,but I feel like I got married too soon. I don't know if I would have married him had I waited... Well I recently left for vacation back home and decided to meet up with the old flame. We by the way, were best friends all during our years,so i didn't think anything of it. It was almost like picking up where we left off, only we were good! Only hugs and a kiss on the cheek.
We talked for hours and unloaded how we felt...like we should have waited. He says I am the one that got away, that the girl he's with is nice and sweet and would be a great wife, but she's not me. We confessed that the other had been on our minds a lot lately. And we wondered... Would we be happily married? Or would we be wondering? I'm almost afraid to admit this... But I wouldn't be wondering about anyone else.
I can't imagine leaving my husband, but I can't imagine staying unhappy and just... Blah... My mom did the exact same thing for 22 years.... I feel like I married my hubby out of defiance. That No I would NOT end up that way. But here I am wondering... And thinking of how... I still have feelings for the other guy. He feels like coming home. My husband.... Is almost like a roommate that I really love, but there's not any passion....hasn't been for a while for me.
What do I do!?


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

Well I know you say you "loved him for years", but nonetheless this sounds like a typical "grass is always greener" scenario.

He loved you passionately yet wouldn't commit even after 4 years. Then as soon as you are gone he wants to commit. Makes you wonder how he would be if you were back again. You may be over-idealizing the old flame and making unfair comparisons between him and your husband.

You mentioned you and your husband have had counseling. Have you told him about the old flame, your meetings with him, etc.?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Agayle said:


> My husband is wonderful. He loves me unconditionally and is happy how things are. I wish I felt the same. I want so badly to love him like he loves me, but I feel... Unhappy. We've done counseling and it puts a little bandaid on things and makes me feel like I'm the problem... I guess I am. Before my husband, i was in love with another guy for years and needed to get away from my hometown just to do it. He tried to get me to stay but in my mind I needed to go. We loved each other passionately but I was getting tired of waiting for him to commit. When I left he realized he was ready. I met my husband while I was away and we were married 18 months later from the time we started dating. It's been 2.5 years now and I can't keep pretending. I love my amazing sweet husband,but I feel like I got married too soon. I don't know if I would have married him had I waited... Well I recently left for vacation back home and decided to meet up with the old flame. We by the way, were best friends all during our years,so i didn't think anything of it. It was almost like picking up where we left off, only we were good! Only hugs and a kiss on the cheek.
> We talked for hours and unloaded how we felt...like we should have waited. He says I am the one that got away, that the girl he's with is nice and sweet and would be a great wife, but she's not me. We confessed that the other had been on our minds a lot lately. And we wondered... Would we be happily married? Or would we be wondering? I'm almost afraid to admit this... But I wouldn't be wondering about anyone else.
> I can't imagine leaving my husband, but I can't imagine staying unhappy and just... Blah... My mom did the exact same thing for 22 years.... I feel like I married my hubby out of defiance. That No I would NOT end up that way. But here I am wondering... And thinking of how... I still have feelings for the other guy. He feels like coming home. My husband.... Is almost like a roommate that I really love, but there's not any passion....hasn't been for a while for me.
> What do I do!?


If you don't have any kids... DON'T have any. At least not until you sort thing thing out.

I believe you can make someone like you... You can't make them love you... it just has to happen. 

I wouldn't leave your husband for the other man. I'd leave him because you are simply not fulfilled. There is no guarantee that things with the other guy will work out... BUT, somewhere out there.. there is someone special just for you. You aren't going to find him while you are married.


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