# Oh how naive I was...



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I must be the stupidest person on the planet, or the most naïve in thinking that once my dragon/money hungry, soulless ex-wife divorced me that the battles were done. 

I've tried to co-parent with as little conflict as I could; but this past week when my ex-wife but into my life once again, and it almost cost me my girlfriend I finally grew a backbone and stood up to her. 

I told her that I pay her the child support, I've never missed a payment. I provide for my children over at my house as well, clothes, food, toys, so that their home feels like home with me. 

Her response? She called me a deadbeat dad that pays child support, doesn't help out with other expenses (which is not true) and only sees his kids because he is court ordered too.

What BS!!!!! I work retail so my hours are crazy, I wish I could see my kids more than what I do already. It kills me that I can't be there for their sports activities, all the other things I'd like to.

As for the money, in August she got an extra $200.00 making it a $1000.00 for the month. The extra goes towards school supplies 

I also took the kids out shopping for clothes at my house as well.

In the last two days I've gotten three ranting emails (I'm glad they were in email format so I can save them) telling me essentially how great she is and how horrible I am.

I'm going to start combing through my credit card statements oh I've gone into about $13,000 in credit card debt due to starting over for the kids, but I'm a deadbeat dad so that doesn't matter). Not that I want my kids to know how much I spend on them but since she's threatened to take me back to court for more money (which I don't have as I'm already hardly making it by) I want to have some sort of records.

Oh she is mad because my retail schedule changes often, because I have a manager that doesn't get the schedule out in time. She said she is going to fight for a more consistent schedule. I see the kids three nights a week (overnights) every week. She wants me to have a different job with a set schedule so she can go out, however if I do that I will lost about $10,000 to $15000 a year which means her money from me will go down.

For someone that divorced me and wanted me out of her life she sure does try all she can to be a pain in the side.

It's enough to make me want to give up on it all!!!!!!!!!!!!1


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Geezzz.. where do these crazy women come from?

Try to communicate with her via email and text as much as possible so that you have a record.

I doubt that she can get any more child support than she has right now because it's based on a formula. Unless you hit the lottery there is no more to get.

If you discuss your schedule and other topics in email you have a record and can show that court if needed that she's being unreasonable and harassing you. 

Have you let her know that her child support will go down if you change jobs? 

What other expenses does she expect you to be paying?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

You have them 3 days a week, pay half the expenses, and you give her $1,000 a month? This is her definition of a deadbeat? How about you tell her to go f*** herself and that you're not her hubby anymore. Unless it is directly related to the kids, disengage from her completely. Do a 180, don't feed into the drama. She sounds like a bitter hag.


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## ladymisato (Aug 5, 2014)

proudwidaddy said:


> I must be the stupidest person on the planet, or the most naïve in thinking that once my dragon/money hungry, soulless ex-wife divorced me that the battles were done.


I wish I had a drachma for every time I've heard this sentiment expressed in one form or another.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Proud:
Remember, she can only yank your chain if you let her. Stand your ground; do not take her bait. You know you are doing the best that you can. She wanted the divorce, so she can now deal with the consequences of her actions.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

for her to call you a deadbeat after what you do for your kids, simply

means she is absolutely miserable and wants you to feel as bad as 

she is. Stop letting her anger dump on you. Set your boundaries.

"I'm not o.k. with where this conversation is heading"

She can not argue with that. If you engage her, that is what she wants.

Be prepared for her to try and get to you through the kids after you

set your boundaries with her. No matter what you do, you could give

her $2500 a month and she would want $2600. You can not please

a miserable person. Ignore her allegations... example... for 

Halloween some years ago, my running buddy from high school and I

went to a block party as "females." My X pulled this from out of

nowhere and claimed I was a drag queen. What she failed to add was

we let our beards grow out for a few weeks before. Yeah...I was such 

a diva :rofl:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Sorry PWD. 

I agree with Chuck. Nothing will ever be good enough and for whatever reason she wants to put you down.

Disengage. Hopefully she isn't saying this when the kids are present. But regardless, shut her down and don't dignify it with a response. 

In front of the kids? "Not only is this not true but it's not appropriate in front of the kids. If you have concerns, please email me." *shut door/get in car/etc.*

On the phone? "This isn't a productive conversation. If you have something to discuss about the kids without interjecting ridiculous accusations, please skip to that, otherwise I'm going to hang up now." Or you can just refuse to answer her verbally and insist she text you or email you.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Enjoli,
I agree with all of you regarding how to deal with this person. I have just decided to disengage, keep it business professional by dealing with just the facts. Once she tries to start with her personal feelings about me, venting, etc I just end the conversation. 

It makes her mad now that I stand up to her, I think that is part of this whole thing. She is realizing she can not control me, and that makes her mad. 

To think I almost lost the woman I love over a woman I can't stand.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It's sad that it can come down to this. I know my x tried this kinda crap as well as a way to beat me down. Finally, like you, stood up and said no more. Huge battle ensued and finally settled after she realized the days of me giving her whatever she wanted to make her happy are over. 

Some women are like this some aren't. I have a another buddy who is taken to court every other month for something trivial they could easily work out over the phone. But he is married again and happy so she tries to destroy that marriage. To date 50,000$ spent on legal bills and settlements. He was divorced 3 years ago.

I'm happy to report that my x and I have a great working relationship for the kids now but it was definitely a war for about 6 months. I hope your situation improves. Continue to stand up for yourself and move forward. And don't ever BLUFF.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

An update on the situation. The x emailed me today to inform me that "I signed our son up for basketball. His evaluation is Sunday night (my night with the kids). Since I'm paying for his basketball fee I expect you will buy his shoes. He already has a pair in mind. Also he is on a travelling team so extra expenses could be $50-$150 dollars. I expect we will split that cost"

Okay so let's just get this straight. I have no problem with my son, or my daughter for that matter, doing extra curricular activities. However, my ex did not even consult me on this. No prior mention of I'm thinking of signing him up, would you be able to split the cost. Or even hey I'm signing him up, if the practices fall on your night would be that be okay with you as well.

Look I'm not trying to battle with her. But I do expect some communication when it comes to our children. If the roles were reversed and I just informed her that hey I signed up our son for such and such an activity, here is the cost we have to split, and by the way it's happening on your night (without me asking you) she would have a field day with me.

Is it too much to ask about expenditures ahead of time? Like my mom told me, divorce requires sacrifice. My ex is still trying to live in the predivorce world. Their will be times I don't have that stuff in my budget.

I welcome insights from everyone; if I'm overdoing this please give me your opinions.

Proud


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

If she signed him up and did not consult you, her dime. That will cure

this real quick. Also.... (I know summer is over but) if she signs up the

kid(s) for summer camp, it HAS to be during her week. Guess what

week they usually sign them up for.....yeah! And of course the same 

goes for you as well. But it seems you have all your ducks in a row.

I so hope your kids are at the age where they can soon chose where

to rest their heads at night.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Children's sports and other activities (and the cost) is usually addressed in the decree because it's often a divisive issue. In some cases the parent who cares about the activity foots the bill. In other cases there's agreement to split the cost (if agreed to beforehand). Was this addressed in your decree?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Openminded raises a good point-what does your agreement provide for extra-curriculars or joint expenses? Does it say prior approval?
The wording can give you leverage in forcing her to communicate before taking action.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Don't give her anything, and respond that you'll split extra extended for which you're consulted. Then ignore her. The bullying goes on because you allow it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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