# Been having my doubts for a longtime..



## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

First time blogger so please forgive me in advance..Going to get straight to it. My wife of 11 years told me a year ago that she wants to figure out who she is after being together since she was 19. Now she's a 32 year old woman with 3 small children. Said she wanted to be something else other than a wife, mom, and cop. At first, I'm like Wtf then I tried to be more supportive about the whole thing. Remind you this was a year ago.

Now, through out the whole year, she did a complete 180 on our marriage and even started to neglect our children. Nothing comes before her so called friends. We have to little girls( 10 and 5) that I can only do but so much with them( hair,etc.) 2 weeks ago she went on a all girls trip to Ohio. Ohio??? Really, who goes on a all girls trip to Ohio? Needless to say my radar is going way wire now. While she's gone, she texts me how much she misses her family and stuff like that but I really don't believe her. This is the kicker for me, now remember this is a all girls trip..she calls and ask "who is my favorite NFL player?" Being a sports guy, I know the Pro Football HOF is in Canton, Ohio ..why is All Girl trip going there??? She bring me back a signed football from my favorite player. Nice but $400 for a football?? I'm a fan but not like that...but she showed my pictures and the pictures was of just her..???? If I go on a all guys trip, I would take a lot group photos too..with her, there is none..not one!! Been having my doubts about this relationship she has with this guy at her job. Facebook is truly a marriage killer because people put their life on there. My wife ..forgive me..this really hurts..it really bothers me when outsiders can see the change and is concerned about us..we have no sex..just everything has just stopped..don't know what to do..


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

YOU have no sex. The same probably isn't true for your wife.
Time to do some "cop work" on your own.
Been there.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She is cheating on you BIG TIME !!! Please have your thread moved to the coping with infidelity section ASAP to get the help you need.


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

Crazy thing about all of this is that we just brought a brand new home and we're moving in on aug. 1st..In a way I feel trapped or for a better word, stuck for the fact that we have 3 young children that I'm that I love so much and really want to show my girls how a man is suppose to treat his wife and now this???


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Longtime coming said:


> Crazy thing about all of this is that we just brought a brand new home and we're moving in on aug. 1st..In a way I feel trapped or for a better word, stuck for the fact that we have 3 young children that I'm that I love so much and really want to show my girls how a man is suppose to treat his wife and now this???


Focus on showing your girls to stand up for themselves and not put up with cheaters. That lesson has more value than anything else in this world.

Start reading here for help:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Read up on the 180.

Spy on her. PI.


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

Thank you for that mablanc...everything in that thread is exactly what is happening in my marriage right now..why is it so hard to let go?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Longtime coming said:


> Thank you for that mablanc...everything in that thread is exactly what is happening in my marriage right now..why is it so hard to let go?


Becuse we love your spouses and some of us really meant our vows. Change is hard and scary, we as humans switch to denial mentalty when things get very hard, sad, and scary. 

Our natural response is to want it to go away, hence the rug sweeping. Its going to be a long and overwhelming process, she will do the opposite of what you expect. 

If you want any chance of reconsiliatiion read all the advice here and apply it. 

Stand up for yourself, don't beg, don't try to nice or guilt her into staying, work on you and stay strong. See a doctor if you need to, especially if not eating or sleeping, read here, books, and blogs about marriage and cheating. 
Ask for help this is a great website for that.

Good luck!


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

Allow me to deeper with you guys. In January 2012, my said she had 2 cyst in her ovaries are her doctor recommended that she get birth control to help with the pain. I think it's called a IUD. Ok, fine but at the same time this 180 happened and I don't know what to believe. Also, after we had our son had got a vasectomy so because of the fact we didn't want more children. Now being that I AM birth control, you go and get get a 5 year birth control put in? Like I said before, I've been feeling this way for over a year and being on TAM has helped me vent. Having trust issues with everyone. Don't feel like talking to my friends. Just feels right here. How do I approach her?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

This gonna be hard friend so steel yourself for the worst you can imagine and come back here often. You will need the voices of experience before you make any moves. Every move you make will have consequences. These ppl have seen it all and lived it all. Learn from their mistakes rather than yours. Thats why they are here; to help you make the least mistakes possible.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Longtime, welcome aboard.

I am not a doc and I don't know anything about ovarian cysts etc. So I did a quick search using "iud for cyst" and it came back with a bunch of pages about how and iud might be implicated in causing cysts. I think you need to do a bunch of internet research on ovarian cysts and treatments so that you can get some good data.

Good luck.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

And just a repeat for emphasis on what Stonewall said. IF your wife has cheated, and we don't know that yet, there are good ways and terrible ways for you to deal with it. If you find any evidence, don't say a thing or do a thing until you get some opinions on the Coping With Infidelity forum here.

#1 Rule is never ever divulge your source of info to your cheating or suspected cheating spouse. Cheaters will only admit to what they think you already know, and they will hide as much as possible. If she finds out how you got info she will go underground and be much harder to get any more data on.

#2 Rule is Never tell her exactly how much you know.

#3 Rule is Never divulge anything to anyone else unless you want it to become public knowledge. The only exceptions would be your priest, your therapist, or your doctor.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Thor said:


> Longtime, welcome aboard.
> 
> I am not a doc and I don't know anything about ovarian cysts etc. So I did a quick search using "iud for cyst" and it came back with a bunch of pages about how and iud might be implicated in causing cysts. I think you need to do a bunch of internet research on ovarian cysts and treatments so that you can get some good data.
> 
> Good luck.


I'm not a doc either but I understand how an IUD works. It's not going to do anything to help with pain from ovarian cysts. 

She lied about why she went on birth control. I wonder why.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Sigh. At work so ill hafta post the rest later.

1. Go to best buy. Buy two sony icdpx312 voice activated recorders.
Go to walmart. Buy heavy duty velcro

Do this now. I mean get in your car now. Im resident cheating wife buster and unfortunately good at it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I also smell a rat.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Longtime coming said:


> First time blogger so please forgive me in advance..Going to get straight to it. My wife of 11 years told me a year ago that she wants to figure out who she is after being together since she was 19. Now she's a 32 year old woman with 3 small children. Said she wanted to be something else other than a wife, mom, and cop. At first, I'm like Wtf then I tried to be more supportive about the whole thing. Remind you this was a year ago.


She will start this path of irresponsibility which will last until she's gotten herself into enough trouble or pissed enough people off or enough repurcussions. It could take years.

From what she knows she "wants" to do, she will blow you wide open - because she's going to do all the single unattached activities and want to explore them to the limit.

This is what happens. Your done. Tell her if she wants to be single, it's fine - but your going to have to go.



Longtime coming said:


> Now, through out the whole year, she did a complete 180 on our marriage and even started to neglect our children. Nothing comes before her so called friends. We have to little girls( 10 and 5) that I can only do but so much with them( hair,etc.) 2 weeks ago she went on a all girls trip to Ohio. Ohio??? Really, who goes on a all girls trip to Ohio? Needless to say my radar is going way wire now. While she's gone, she texts me how much she misses her family and stuff like that but I really don't believe her. This is the kicker for me, now remember this is a all girls trip..she calls and ask "who is my favorite NFL player?" Being a sports guy, I know the Pro Football HOF is in Canton, Ohio ..why is All Girl trip going there??? She bring me back a signed football from my favorite player. Nice but $400 for a football?? I'm a fan but not like that...but she showed my pictures and the pictures was of just her..???? If I go on a all guys trip, I would take a lot group photos too..with her, there is none..not one!! Been having my doubts about this relationship she has with this guy at her job. Facebook is truly a marriage killer because people put their life on there. My wife ..forgive me..this really hurts..it really bothers me when outsiders can see the change and is concerned about us..we have no sex..just everything has just stopped..don't know what to do..


No sex ontop of it... Great. Your probably already being cheated on, and would not want to double dip into your "own wife" anyway.

Time to pack the bags up and let the wife do her single person excursion.

You may also want to see if you can get the kids. Legally, may as well. Find someone who is appreciative of someone like yourself, it's not the current wife.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Longtime coming said:


> My wife of 11 years told me a year ago that she wants to figure out who she is ..


Translation: do someone else. You'd think they would learn a new line. 

You obviously have never installed a keylogger on the computer or a voice-activated recorder in her car.

It should be an eye opener. Don't let her know you suspect. But keep us appraised. She's in way deep by now.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I agree with others, she's blatantly cheating.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Doesn't sound good. Do you know the names of any of the ladies she supposedly went to Ohio with? Have you talked to them? If you're going to go the route of investigating you may not want to, because it might tip her off that you're on to her, but I'm just curious if any of her friends have already corroborated her story.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Sorry you r here. I tend to agree with the other posters. 180 her because you are going to need the protection. It's so easy to snoop and find out more. Ask her one question at a time, don't over load her. It will be easier to look back and know how she answered each question. Be ready for the flow gates to open. (()))


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Time to go 007 on her:

Voice Activated Recorder in car, key logger on pc, GPS tracker on car, try and look at her phone at night or when it's not with her.

Don't say a word until you have definitive proof and you've consulted with us on next steps.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Viseral said:


> Time to go 007 on her:
> 
> Voice Activated Recorder in car, key logger on pc, GPS tracker on car, try and look at her phone at night or when it's not with her.
> 
> Don't say a word until you have definitive proof and you've consulted with us on next steps.


She's a cop...

He should check laws in his state before he does anything like that...


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> She's a cop...
> 
> He should check laws in his state before he does anything like that...


If she catches him spying on her and is willing to prosecute him for it then that's an answer right there. Don't forget, unless he takes a plea bargain it has to go before a jury and I seriously doubt he would be found guilty. For that matter, I'd be shocked if a prosecutor was willing to touch the case with a ten foot pole.


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

I truly appreciate all the advice given..
First, let me answer some questions...
1. Never met any of her so called new friends from work .
2. I truly believe they would cover for her..
Like I said before, this has been going on for a year and a half now..she is tough as nails to crack, I mean she'll take this to the grave if she has to just to save face.. As a lot of you know, being the cover up for what they are really doing sucks. Especially when your the one home being the good parent while they are out doing what and who ever..since joining TAM I can honestly say that I'm not afraid anymore.. Not afraid of losing my wife to someone else..really. They can have her..doing the 180 method and it does work..I truly don't care anymore..is that wrong to feel? I'm 37 now and I feel like I have more to gain and give..if she doesn't want it then fine..


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Longtime coming said:


> I truly appreciate all the advice given..
> First, let me answer some questions...
> 1. Never met any of her so called new friends from work .
> 2. I truly believe they would cover for her..
> Like I said before, this has been going on for a year and a half now..she is tough as nails to crack, I mean she'll take this to the grave if she has to just to save face.. As a lot of you know, being the cover up for what they are really doing sucks. Especially when your the one home being the good parent while they are out doing what and who ever..since joining TAM I can honestly say that I'm not afraid anymore.. Not afraid of losing my wife to someone else..really. They can have her..doing the 180 method and it does work..I truly don't care anymore..is that wrong to feel? I'm 37 now and I feel like I have more to gain and give..if she doesn't want it then fine..


This is a good start. It's likely she is having affairs or one serious one. You are right in not trusting any of her friends. 

Talk to a family law atty and get info on what a divorce would mean in terms of finances, custody, time etc. Don't let on you're doing this.

Keep a daily record of her interactions, or lack of, with the kids. 

Get online and see if her employer has rules / regs about office romances.

How are you fixed financially? If it's possible put off closing on the house.


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## canjad80 (Oct 31, 2011)

Thor said:


> Longtime, welcome aboard.
> 
> I am not a doc and I don't know anything about ovarian cysts etc. So I did a quick search using "iud for cyst" and it came back with a bunch of pages about how and iud might be implicated in causing cysts. I think you need to do a bunch of internet research on ovarian cysts and treatments so that you can get some good data.
> 
> Good luck.


Throwing in another +1 on this. IUDs can *cause* ovarian cysts. But they would absolutely not be recommended for treating them. If she had gone on the Pill I would be more inclined to believe that story.

Also, ovarian cysts can fricking *HURT*. Unless she's the type to suffer in silence, I suspect you would have heard about them from her long before this doctors visit. If they weren't hurting her there would be no reason to treat them.

So either she's the strong silent type AND has a completely incompetent GYNE, or she's lying about why she's on birth control.


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

Ok I'm back with updates about my situation...
We moved into the new house. Talked about starting over with a clean slate.not going to lie, things seems to get a little better after leading up to and up to Sunday night. Sunday night she tells me that she's doing OT and she won't get off until 2 am so she going to stay at the old house because she has to be to work again at 6 am...so she leaves out 8 am Sunday and doesn't return until 4 pm Monday. Back to reality... Totally my fault. Got caught up in the slight moment..again.. Today, I get in the shower and after the shower I always use baby oil but my oil is missing..ask her, it's in her over night bag from Sunday..excuse, " what else I'm I going to use to lotion?" Get to the house today, plenty of lotion was left behind on the old dresser..tried the 180. Worked but don't feel like playing this game anymore..never thought this would be so draining..it consumes you..it's a crazy feeling I get when I'm around her and this is my wife!! I know me, once it's over, I can't have any contact with her and that means the kids too if I really want this to be over. And feels she knows that. My kids are my world and I need them just as much as they need me..advice please...thanks in advance..


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Longtime coming said:


> Ok I'm back with updates about my situation...
> We moved into the new house. Talked about starting over with a clean slate.not going to lie, things seems to get a little better after leading up to and up to Sunday night. *Sunday night she tells me that she's doing OT and she won't get off until 2 am so she going to stay at the old house because she has to be to work again at 6 am...so she leaves out 8 am Sunday and doesn't return until 4 pm Monday.* Back to reality... Totally my fault. Got caught up in the slight moment..again.. Today, I get in the shower and after the shower I always use baby oil but my oil is missing..ask her, it's in her over night bag from Sunday..excuse, " what else I'm I going to use to lotion?" Get to the house today, plenty of lotion was left behind on the old dresser..tried the 180. Worked but don't feel like playing this game anymore..never thought this would be so draining..it consumes you..it's a crazy feeling I get when I'm around her and this is my wife!! I know me, once it's over, I can't have any contact with her and that means the kids too if I really want this to be over. And feels she knows that. My kids are my world and I need them just as much as they need me..advice please...thanks in advance..


And you didn't check to see if she was actually at the house?

Way to blow an opportunity. Do you like not want to know what's really going on?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OK here are explicit instructions. You NEED THIS DONE NOW! By this means the second she is on her way to work get on this NOW.

Buy THREE! sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. Set bit rate to 44K and sensitivity to very high or better. Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off.

Put the second in whatever room she uses to talk in your new home when you are not around.

Put the third one in the old house in whatever room you found the dresser. HIDE THEM WELL. 

You did not take the old furniture???

Usual warning. If you hear another man STOP Listening and have a trusted friend tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! NO MORE CONFRONTS!! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You always got your info from a PI or someone saw them.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for three men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR ELECTRONIC EVIDENCE. They were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. DO THIS!! Pay CASH!

Look for a burner phone. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone"

You might just think about getting the checkmate semen detection kit from Amazon.

BTW stop talking to her about anything like suspicions. You are making it harder on yourself.

The all girl trip to Canton with no group pics was her and the OM most likely.

You need to back up a bit. 
Who is this suspect?
They "met on FB"?
Old flame?
Pics were just of her... What height were they taken from? above or below her eye level? IE was the picture taker taller or shorter than her? Can you see shadows of the picture taker? How tall is your wife?
Girls nights out. YOU cant do it but have a friend swing by where they are...


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Longtime coming said:


> I know me, once it's over, I can't have any contact with her and that means the kids too if I really want this to be over. And feels she knows that. My kids are my world and I need them just as much as they need me..advice please...thanks in advance..


There's no reason you can't remain in your kids lives if you split up with your wife. In fact you have a moral responsibility to do so. 

There's nothing I hate more than having to deal with my ex. If there were no kids involved I would have pulled up stakes and started a new life on the other side of the country. The reality is we have kids together so instead I moved 5 minutes away and shared custody. It's not easy but when you have kids you have to be prepared to make sacrifices.


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> OK here are explicit instructions. You NEED THIS DONE NOW! By this means the second she is on her way to work get on this NOW.
> 
> Buy THREE! sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. Set bit rate to 44K and sensitivity to very high or better. Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus.
> 
> ...


Picked up 2 VAR's last night( they only had 2) at Wal-Mart. Installed them under both seats.. So anxious to hear something on this..can't sleep at night..really at a point of being uneasy around her..it's. just a lot at one time! I've been through plenty of relationship things and I'm mad at myself for feeling like this.. In the new house which is beautiful by the way..dream like..don't know..this is the first time that I really feel like I'm not enough..real quick..on her dresser now she has one book out.."Fifty Shades Freed" never read the Fifty Shades books but I feel like that message is for me..just ready to talk and get this over with..I know I'll never get the answers I want from her so this really comes down to me.Do I love her? Do i love my family? Yes but I'm not right. Can't enjoy nothing..I feel my attitude sucks and I can't stop it..


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## ColinC (Jul 23, 2013)

Hey Longtime 

I have just been through this process so much of what you say runs true to my situation the house - the pill - Face book - the friends - the 180 degree turn to be honest I think your gut feelings are correct that she is cheating on you You will not get it out of them I did not expect it either but my gut feeling and I hated myself for even thinking it 100% true. Now you need to catch her that face book if you can get in to her account will be a mine of information. I have been very hurt and found out that a lot of people that I thought were genuine new about it and in reality you will be the last to now. she is deceiving you you now need proof fortunately for me I caught in Bed with the other man Ironic as that sounds I am glad that I did so I could be proactive and start to move on. you will find out so much more after you have the proof you need to play her at her own game she will leave clues cop or not Don,t make it obvious that you are spying on her but if she is cheating on you then you may have to be deceitful to find out the truth. tell her your gagging for sex ask her hows the treatment going see what her reaction is put in a corner! my heart is with you buddy I now what you are going through. This site is a real help you need people who have been through this to help you they now your situation better than any one else. Read my thread if you get a chance you will see so many similarities.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You put two vars in one car?

Did you get sony? Some brands timeout. Sony does not.

Give the vars time to work. Do not confront on speculation.

How is 50 shades a direct messagge? Few women are aware of the infidelity aspect reputation of the book.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Longtime, 

do yourself a favor and GET A GPS TRACKER for her car! You can get one that sends out a cell phone signal and you can track it from your smart phone, laptop or PC, and they are ridiculously accurate. Unfortunately, I had to do this with my wife as she was being dishonest about some late night goings-on and a P.I. was just way too expensive. I purchased my GPS tracker with two months of wireless service for about $230.00. Holy crap it worked! I tracked her for two days, keeping a log (the software does this for you). Within two days, I knew exactly what she was up to. To my relief, she was going out with girlfriends, having dinner and drinking. She was lying so that I would not be upset about being home, taking care of our three children. Long story short, we worked our crap out and our marriage is stronger than ever. Your situation seems a bit more dire. Get the evidence and talk to a lawyer. If you love her, at that point, confront her and demand an immediate cease and desist as well as marriage counseling. If she LOVES YOU, she will concede and gravitate back to you. If she does not, then the marriage is toast. Also, and this is the most important of all: PRAYER!!!!


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

Well TAM family, had a talk with the W and we're getting a D.. The tension in the house became too heavy to bear. All the sneaking around, me trying to figure out what's going on, I just had enough. Let me be clear, I'm a man that is not perfect in any aspect, I've done wrong in the past..plenty.. There is nothing more important to me than my family.. It's one of the greatest gifts God gives you.. I'm truly blessed to experience this wonderful thing called marriage.. With that being said, I guess my straw broke yesterday.. To everyone on TAM, thank you for all the advice and support that a never received before.. Never felt so comfortable to open up like I do on TAM.. Now hopefully we can continue to be adults about the situation and figure something out with the kids..again thanks to everyone and please pray for my family..


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

Longtime coming said:


> With that being said, I guess my straw broke yesterday...


What happened yesterday?

WWHT


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## Longtime coming (Jun 11, 2013)

Yesterday, it was a conversation about how unhappy she has been with me over the past year..my insecurities..the blame game..
Let me go over the facts of my past year...
1) my W tells me she wants to figure out who she is after 11 years and 3 children later
2) my W gets an IUD.. She said the doctor told her it will help out with the ovarian cyst..I got a vasectomy 2 years ago..( come to find out that the IUD causes the cyst)
3) my W lies to me about talking to the OM on the phone and wants to fight me over it..was willing to bust out her own car window..
4) my W goes out until the next morning after working for 8 hours..smelling like soap when she came home..
5) my W buys a season pass to Great Adventures but never took her family..
6) my W wants to separate because she says she's tired of walking on egg shells
7) we get back together and things seem to get worst
8) my W tells me she doesn't need to have sex anymore.. She has low libdo...
9) My W goes on a mini vacation ( girls trip) to Cedar Point, Ohio and stops by the pro football HOF on her way back..
10) my W tells me I'm not dependable and she can't rely on me financially ( she makes more money than me)
My year in a nut shell...left plenty out..didn't feel like reliving everything again..again I ask for prayers...thanks in advance..


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Longtime coming said:


> Yesterday, it was a conversation about how unhappy she has been with me over the past year..my insecurities..the blame game..
> Let me go over the facts of my past year...
> 1) my W tells me she wants to figure out who she is after 11 years and 3 children later
> 2) my W gets an IUD.. She said the doctor told her it will help out with the ovarian cyst..I got a vasectomy 2 years ago..( come to find out that the IUD causes the cyst)
> ...


1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9 are MASSIVE red flags.

Do you have any good evidence of the affair?


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

I feel for you man. Your situation sucks and unfortunately points to an almost certain cheating particularly if an IUD could.. I would follow the advice of the others here more experienced than myself in these matters regarding survalience. I would firstly consider: 

Much of this survalience that is proposed could be illegal in your state. Keep this in mind. Once a spouse is wayward they are loose cannon’s. She could leverage this illegal activity to her benefit in divorce court. Legally or as a threat (it is only extortion if you get caught) otherwise it can work both ways. I would imagine some good pictures/video in your possession could be good leverage your friend could “accidently” loose it and fall into the wrong hands. Perhaps I digress. 

I would also see if you she has left any documentation about the IUD in the house. You may not be able to access her medical records but a prescription, bill sent to the house. Perhaps a reimbersment from your insurance company could serve as proof. To me this could be very damaging evidence (if obtained legally). The burden perhaps would be put on her to establish that a doctor would prescribe this for her condition. 
If she is in fact using your old house for encounters you should capitalize on this rare chance to get photographic evidence. You can buy fairly cheap cameras that have night vision capabilities. If you were to hire someone to capture this-homerun. I would think a good start would be the lawyers office. If you can tuck some cash away… the infidelity forum can help for sure. 
You have to keep your head. Many states give custody to mom’s unless they are deemed unsuitable moms. Your best bet would be to get some dirty laundry to leverage (legally or otherwise) to get what you want in the divorce. The gloves are off yes, but again you need to think clearly (easy for me to say). 

I think you need to follow the advice of others not to be suspicious. My guess is she will get increasingly bold/sloppy. 

Good luck my friend.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Longtime coming, your wife's thread looks completely different from yours. According to her, you haven't worked in two years (until just now when you moved out) and according to you, she made more money than you. She says you cheated on her 3 times; you make no mention of it.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

There's two side to every story. We are all quick to jump on a given bandwagon (myself included!) based on our own biases and experiences. 

The real shame in all of this is that your wife loves you. She loves you a lot. Personally, I wouldn't be able to forget 6 years of infidelity. I would be too furious and have too much self respect for the like.

The real irony here is that TAM gave each of you the advice to 180 on the other. So, will that total 360 and you come back around and realize you love each other or will you each just keep walking in the opposite direction?

There's a real danger in following the advice on here to a tea without considering that the only person in your shoes is you. Discretion is advised!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She says that her doctor put her on the IUD to stop heavy bleeding and that her doctor warned her she might get cysts, that you are distorting the facts.


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