# I'm pregnant, he told the Counselor he's already made up his mind



## Mama_2B_23 (Oct 23, 2009)

He told me exactly 9 days ago that he's leaving. This isn't the man I've known for the past 9 years. I have thought about the fact that *he's done something *and the only way to justify it is to make me look like the bad guy in this relationship...I'm too controlling, etc...all of which the counselor told him he's not the victim, he's been an enabler. 

Anyways...I thought counseling would help...but after 2 sessions the counselor said there was no more he could do for us except to counsel us through the separation. The counselor threw everything he could at husband, but husband wouldn't budge. I am pretty sure he will be serving me with those papers shortly before or shortly after I deliver. 

I've left (with the dog that is mine) because in those 9 days I've lost 7 pounds with my pregnancy and I'm stressing and worrying and needed to go be with family. 

My question is...with such an out of the blue decision that I in NO WAY saw coming...what is the likelihood of him waking up a few weeks or months down the road and realizing he has no clue what he's done? Would anyone condone a man leaving his pregnant wife for reason of selfishness?? (I'm not happy, I don't know if I've ever been happy, etc). 

I have no idea whether or not I'd take him back and if I did take him back it would not be anytime soon.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Do you think there might be someone else? That would be a reason for not budging right now, if he sees greener grass in his future, especially if this came out of nowhere...but whether there is or not, he may change his mind down the road...especially if he sees that you've worked on the issues of being controlling and whatever else he brought up and sees you in a new light as a loving mom of your baby.

The thing is, you may be spent by then and not want him back...you will go through many emotions...crappy of him to do this now when you are pregnant. I'm glad you are with family...try not to focus on what he might or might not do so you can focus on your pregnancy and baby. When are you due?


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## Mama_2B_23 (Oct 23, 2009)

My due date is actually December 27th...so with the holidays coming up it makes this that much more emotional...


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## etca (Nov 2, 2009)

Man like that, don't have responsibilly, 
Dont wait your man to long, except you can change his mind.

the important things are :
1. your pregnancy, your health.
2. what is the next step to continu your life.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Mama_2B_23 said:


> My question is...with such an out of the blue decision that I in NO WAY saw coming...what is the likelihood of him waking up a few weeks or months down the road and realizing he has no clue what he's done? .


Depends as to how cold he is, some people are very cold and never realize or even care who they hurt.
Some people are so self centered, they just don't care, even if it involves a baby.
Its best to understand that now so your not waiting for him to suddenly change... so you can move on with your own life, seperate from his, 

which does not sound like a bad idea if he is as you say he is.


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## logansmommy812 (Nov 4, 2009)

I understand why anyone with children would want to be with their spouse so you can try and have the happy family you want but if you're not even sure that you've ever been happy with the guy and he's selfish enough to start all this crap at such a stressful time for you i wouldn't ever take him back. If you aren't happy with him it'll show and your child will notice and they will be unhappy. Live your life with as much happiness and peace you can hold, put your child first and screw him! He's not worth your time.


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## EternalBacheor (Jul 26, 2009)

"Would anyone condone a man leaving his pregnant wife for reason of selfishness?? "

No decent man would ever do that, under any conditions, no matter how unhappy he is. There is no greater "marriage is a bad deal for men / never get married" proponent on this site, but in my view, you are being taken advantage of by this jerk. 

Divorce courts do not look kindly on males who abandon their children or pregnant wives. The state has no interest in picking up the tab for supporting his children - so he can expect to get wiped-out financially in divorce court.


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## mae (Aug 17, 2009)

I just want to start by saying I'm so sorry for any harsh replies you may get on your post. Just ignore them, they are not warranted at all.

I totally know what you're going through. My worst fights with my hubby were at the end of my pregnancy and I packed my bags several times. No insensitive man could possibly understand what you're going through. No matter what you guys have gone through I truely believe that he should've at least supported you until the baby was born and until you were fully recovered from childbirth and settled into motherhood. It would still be hard then but at least your hormones wouldn't get in the way.

It is unlikely that he will come back. I understand wanting to be with the father of your child (I am still with my hubby and my daughter is 7 months old now, but I am seriously considering separation) but sometimes it is best to find someone else. He doesn't sound like he's worth it. For now, I would just concentrate on good friends and family members that can give you support and on yourself and your baby. That's what's most important. After you've had the baby and gotten the hang of things a bit, then maybe re-evaluate. 

I really hope things get better for you. I know how much it sucks!


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## Hoffpauirlaurie (Nov 19, 2009)

good luck I am going through the same thing. I would like to give you advice but I dont think I am in any shape to because my advise would involve violence to him


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## dawnie (Nov 17, 2009)

What a hateful, cold-hearted man he is. He does not deserve you or this beautiful child you are carrying.


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## Tweak (Nov 18, 2009)

So you are 8 months along and he decides its over?
I was reading your post and thought you had just gotten pregnant and maybe he did not know.

If he has left and you are 8 months along,he is a jerk.To put it mildly.
He could possibly be scared to be a father,but still does not justify running away.

You need to have this baby for you,not him.If he is not there you can be the string one.Make sure he pays for it though.There should be no free rides for child abandoning fathers.


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