# My Wife Ignores My Kink



## DisappointmentAbounds (Feb 6, 2021)

I don’t even know where to start to be honest. 

The below is something that has plagued my marriage for years (though, only on my side) and my mind. Sure, we’ve had discussions about it. I’ve laid bare my feelings about it. 

But, nonetheless, disappointment abounds...

When I really think about this problem I am overcome with a wave of emotions from starkly different points of view. It’s like trying to think through mud. I begin to question if this is just me being unreasonable, mentally ill, or just being a ‘man’. Is there a problem with me? Am I asking too much? 

When I think about this problem and realize that maybe in the end the decision will have to be for me to go, I feel completely ridiculous. Like really, I’m going to allow this much emotion to come into my marriage for this issue? This is the stake I wanna die on? But I can’t help it. In many ways, I am heartbroken. Hurt. Resentful. Disillusioned. 

Then just as that thought leaves me I think to myself: you deserve to have what you want in life and if someone is incapable of fulfilling that need, or worse yet wantonly leaves it unmet, then it’s time to go. I think that’s pretty much the standard response around here from what I’ve read.

At what point though do we start to say though that well maybe the issue is with ourselves and is indeed not a failing on the partner? And when it comes to that how do we reconcile our wants and needs with an acceptance that they’ll never be met?When I think of that, I feel suffocated and trapped. How am I to tell myself to just get over it? Accept it. Move on. As someone who very much so views life from the astrophysical perspective, I always feel a sense of urgency to do the things my human self wants in life. I don’t have much time. In the grand scheme of the universe and our time as beings, I have about .0000000056 secs to get what I want from life. So to just accept that I am ****ed really does not set well with me.

My wife and I have been together for 8 years and married for 2. We’re both in our late 20’s. We met in college and the rest is history. We’ve had our share of ups and downs over the years but for the most part have a fairly decent marriage.

I have always been the more sexual one. Always. I’m the one that initiates, buys the toys, finds the positions etc. While most of the time this okay, every now and then it’d be nice for her to start things or buy a toy or flip through a Cosmo for a new position or something. That’s a rarity. 

On a more 21st century front, I am the one that initiates the sexting or the first to send a NSFW Snapchat etc. 

Okay. Fine. I guess. Not really what I’d like in my marriage. I mean show some gumption or desire sometimes.

But I do have one major kink. I used to think it’s because I was younger and it’d calm down as I aged and it would just kind of fade. Well, that never happened. It’s a bonafide kink. Here to stay. Something I can’t get rid of though I honestly would probably give an appendage to achieve those ends. A kink is suppose to be a fun thing. A light hearted thing. Something your partners should take and make fun and use to bend you to their will. 

But not when the only person who can do that simply won’t. Then a kink turns into despair. My kink has caused a significant emotional toll because in my wife ignores it. I’m sure some can relate. It makes my heart ache. This is my wife. My WIFE. And by all evidence she doesn’t care. What do I do with that?

Her denial and seemingly deliberate ignoring of what I sexually need and want is crushing. Because in doing so it exposes a gaping chasm of disconnect. It eats at the bedrock principles of a marriage. It shows a lack of trust and comfortableness with me that just eats me alive. It makes me feel alone. 

I am an all in person. I have told me wife every sexual desire and fantasy and have shared deeply intimate things with her. That’s never reciprocated. And in doing that I feel marginalized not only from a maybe-she-thinks-I’m-weird standpoint but also in terms of our marriage. I didn’t get married to hide things. I didn’t get married to not be able to share every want and desire with my spouse. As I have said to her before: where is my wife?

And see here is where I am going to go back to the beginning. Having said all I’ve said I begin to feel ridiculous and dramatic. Look at how long this post is for example. But this post plays in mind constantly and it’s beginning to eat me. 

All I have ever wanted, for years, is for her to be open with me when she’s at home and having some fun by herself. That’s it. Text me and tell me that you’re turned on, you miss me and going to go get off in the shower and take 4 secs and send me a dirty pic or vid. 

That’s it. In the nearly 10 years we have been together the number of times this has happened?

Zero. 

This is a massive, heart throbbing kink of mine. There is something about a woman, especially my WIFE, touching herself. Being attentive to her own needs in a way that only she can. It’s really the only kink I have. I just wanna know when my wife is at home ****ing herself. And I don’t think that’s a lot to ask for. I mean certainly there are much much weirder kinks. It seems like the most basic naughty thing she could do for me. 

But she won’t. And it’s infuriating. But more than infuriating, it’s heartbreaking. It shows a serious lack of ability to be comfortable with me. It shows a lack of trust. It shows an inability to be vulnerable. It shows that a disconnect exists in the marriage. And it just downright hurts that my own wife is so uncaring about it. 

I’ve done everything listed above. I’ve text her before. I’ve sent pics. I’ve let her in to my entire world. She knows every dirty detail there is to know about me and the things I like to do alone. We even masturbate together when she’s on her period. I’ve let her in and bared my soul. Because she’s my wife. 

Her? I have to beg for a nude. Sure, she’s sent them. We’ve sexted. We’ve done whatever needs done when we’re apart. But again, it is always me initiating. Always. 

She has never once let me in. She never allows herself to be vulnerable. She never expresses a desire or want. She’s a ghost. That breaks my heart.

This is a serious matter to me. It’s something I actively want and desire and need. It’s something I’ve asked for. It’s something we’ve had many discussions about. It never matters. She just won’t do it. 

So what do I do? Is my ask too high? Too weird? Too personal? I mean I’d like to think not considering I have literally had my tongue on every square inch of her body. 

How do I just shove these terrible feelings down and never address them? How do I live with the fact that my wife knows what my desire is and by all gathered evidence simply doesn’t care? 

And again, this isn’t ALL about the masturbation. Of course that’s a big part. It’s damn hot. It’s my thing. I want to know when she’s being bad. And I don’t need to know every time. That WOULD be too far. She’s entitled to her privacy of course. But really? Not once in nearly a decade? I mean she’s not fooling anyone. I’m at work right now and I’d bet a large portion of my paycheck more than one toy got a workout today. And it tears me up inside to think my wife can’t even admit to me when she’s horny. 

This all points, in my mind, to a serious flaw in the marriage. A leak in the dam. A crack in the foundation. How do I move forward in this marriage when she refuses to take her walls down? When she refuses to acknowledge a huge kink that her husband has? One that she could even use to get things she wants! 

And so, after years of being sexually ignored in this area, anger, heart ache and disappointment abounds.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I wouldn't feel comfortable jerking off in front of my girlfriend, although I have no issue jerking off onto her.

We've been together 9 years we do everything in bed together, however that's not something I'd ever be comfortable with. II don't blame your wife one bit.

I think you're being rather selfish.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DisappointmentAbounds said:


> My wife and I have been together for 8 years and married for 2.





DisappointmentAbounds said:


> In the nearly 10 years we have been together


You had six or 8 years (whichever number you're currently working) to learn this about her. Why did you marry her?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So basically your wife is just being herself but you want her to be the same as you. My advise is to be thankful for all the good things you have with her rather than getting so uptight about the one you dont. I will never understand why people get married presumably because they love their partners and then suddenly expect their spouses to change and be who they arent.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

When it gets to the point where you're letting a kink run your life and thinking about letting it destroy relationship or maybe it already has, that's well beyond a kink, and you should probably go see a therapist about it and see why this is so important to you. 

There's no way I would let anyone take a picture or video of me nude much less masturbating. None of this is your wife's problem unless you don't go get some counseling and find out why this is so out of control for you. You are clearly obsessed and there may be something you can do about it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sorry buddy, but yeah- too weird. It sounds like you have a good and active love life but for some reason that isn't good enough for you. If you're this devastated over a kink- watch out when real life and babies come along. When your wife is up all night with a baby she may not be agreeable to sex- let alone "kinks". What are you going to do then- get even more resentful and upset?

Where'd this idea come from anyway.... internet porn? 

I love it that my wife behaves like a lady outside the bedroom... she has to be awakened... I figure most women are like that. I'd never want my wife to send a video like that either because some other goons might intercept it and post it (I want her all to myself).


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You want your wife to be the women that likes to take pics is herself masterbating and send it to her. But she’s not. So then you want your wife to just do something she’s uncomfortable with just to make you happy? Doesn’t telling them to that take away from it anyway?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Sorry bro. Pictures have a way of coming back to haunt people. You got the real thing right there and you want pictures instead? I don’t get it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sounds like you are not compatible. Hope you don't have kids.

Here is the thing you are not entitled to any of this. You are not entitled to her being into your kink. You are entitled to it being a deal breaker. Just remember depending on the kink it might be hard to find someone who is into it and also fulfills other aspects of a wife you want.

You should understand how life is though, even if your wife is giving 100% effort, she was NEVER going to fit all the boxes, that is not real life.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

So if she was into pegging with a 10" dildo. You would gladly bend over for her?...in support of her kink afterall.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, you want affirmation from us that there's nothing wrong with your link and that it is wrong of your wife not to indulge you?

Not happening because your kink isn't her kink.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

That was the longest post I have ever seen here.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Maybe your wife really wants you to screw the dog but she just didn’t bring it up yet ???


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Hey OP, not a weird kink imo, would like my wife to the same, but she's not into it. So I just accept it.

We have talked about it and she doesn't want to risk others seeing it. 

What most have ignored about your post is your problem seems to be her lack of openness toward you.

Get like on session of MC, if she's willing to go will tell you all you need to know.

In a marriage, she should want to find compromise if it means that much to you and you've calmly explained your reasons.

On a side note, be prepared to be pegged if thats where compromise lies


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> That was the longest post I have ever seen here.


Um hello? 

I take it you haven't been on a lot of threads with me yet.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Jamieboy said:


> Hey OP, not a weird kink imo, would like my wife to the same, but she's not into it. So I just accept it.
> 
> We have talked about it and she doesn't want to risk others seeing it.
> 
> ...


I don't see it as a matter of her not being open with him.

She's absolutely not interested in telling him she masturbated, pics of it, etc. Her communication is crystal clear. He just REFUSES to accept it. Has refused to accept it for years and years and years. 

I personally found OP's post whining about her not wanting to sex talk and pic about her masturbating off putting, and I'm not even experiencing it in real life.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I think it is possible these thoughts have become almost obsessive and they are starting to eat at you. Let's suppose you leave your wife and you happen to find this lady of your dreams that sends you video of herself using toys and she sends you sexually natured text messages, is that all that is important to you? That relationship might be only a physical relationship and you might not have anything else in common. My point here is that you are focusing on one thing and feeling deprived when it does not sound like you are deprived at all. I would not want to send a video of myself using toys to my husband and why send a nude of myself to him when he can see me naked in person? Why do you need this in your daily life? If you push this onto your wife it is likely she might push away. Trading sex partners is not the answer. I think it would be wise for you to seek professional help to work thru these thoughts.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is why I don’t believe in men making serious exclusive commitments, especially marriage until they have dated and been with a variety of women and find the one that checks off all the critical criteria buttons and are roughly about 30 years old. 

What he is describing here is technically more of a fetish than a kink and fetishes can be a little harder to fulfill depending on what it is.

As far as fetishes go, this one is not that out there. There are 19 year olds making thousands of dollars a month selling pictures of their feet and pictures of themselves tickling their nipples with ice cubes and touching themselves etc to complete strangers. 

One of two things were taking place back when they were dating - one is he knew had this fetish, knew it was a critical criteria for him and yet he continued to build a relationship with her and married her anyway. Probably thinking he could talk her into it or that she would come around. 

That was a mistake.

The other is that he didn’t realize that it would be this big of a deal and wasn’t self aware enough to know that it was such a critical thing and thought that he would get over it. 

That is a sign of magical thinking and ultimately immaturity.

Either way he should have next’d her in collage and continued to date and get to know other women. 

(The third thing I will add is that this fetish developed recently and has become an unhealthy and damaging obsession, in which case he should seek professional help and get his head examined) 

In any case there are three basic options here - 

- suck it up and live with it and spank to porn. In which case the frustration, resentment and bitterness may grow to destructive levels (perhaps already there)

- dissolve the marriage and go back on the market to find someone that will indulge. 

- seek that particular component elsewhere either with her consent which may result in a certain degree of resentment ...... but which may be less resentment than having him hounding her for it and being all pissy when she says no. 

Or seek it elsewhere without her consent and deal with those ramifications if he gets caught.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Think about this.....

If your wife were as overly mindful about sex, as you; thinking about it every waking minute, I would be very worried she would expand her horizons and look elsewhere for release.

She would soon tire of the same old sex with the same old husband.

Really, horny woman are risk laden. 

Yes, for some, they could make for great GF's.

They may not make good wives.

Be careful for what you ask for.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Think about this.....
> 
> If your wife were as overly mindful about sex, as you; thinking about it every waking minute, I would be very worried she would expand her horizons and look elsewhere for release.
> 
> ...


Not germane to this topic. 

His issue is not her libido or lack of sexual desire or contact in general but instead her refusal to indulge his particular fetish. 

Him bugging and pressuring her to indulge the fetish and then getting pissy and whiny about it may ultimately push her into the arms of another - - but her sending him some pics of her double clicking the mouse will not send her into the streets with uncontrollable desire. 

He is not asking for an exponential increase in her horniness here.


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## DisappointmentAbounds (Feb 6, 2021)

Okay.
I think there has been some slight misunderstanding. That’s assuredly my fault with the long post.
I just want to clarify a couple of points.

One is that multiple people seem to be hung up on the media part of that. Meaning, the desire of pics/vids. I see how my post made it seem like this a stronger point of contention than it really is. It is not a cornerstone of my feelings and/or something that is a significant. Would I turn them down? Of course not. Am I expecting or demanding them?Not at all. Like someone said, why a pic when I have it right there. 

Someone questioned if this was something new with a sudden onset. Negative. 

And I just want to say real quick that this is not an obsession. It’s not as if I am wanting this daily, weekly or even monthly. Though I know it may have come across that way. But 8 years?

I agree with the many comments here that maybe I shouldn’t have married her or should’ve experimented more in college. Those are all valid points. And yes, I apparently was naive and immature in my hope that marriage would open new doors for our relationship. It didn’t and won’t.

Some here to seem think I am whining and am totally caught up in this obsessive sex thing. That‘s just not true. 

While sex and it’s related activities plays a part in my feelings, alas the desire for what I want, it’s not everything. As I tried to say in my original post, it runs much deeper. For me, the unwillingness is hurtful. She has kinks and wants and I do my damndest to satisfy them. So her reticence feels like a fault in the marriage. A disconnect that I’m having a hard time with.

I just do not feel like I am asking a lot. Am I terrible person for just wanting to know when my wife is turned on? Because even that’s a rarity. For the older generations I can see where a generational divide exists. A relationship today is much different than a relationship a few decades ago. I think many a men of a certain age range would admit that they’d like a risqué text from there wife once in a while. To know that they have desire and want to share a part of themselves with you.

It just hurts that I am a wide open book and she’s not willing to go further than the first chapter. And for me this issue lays bare that unfortunate fact. 

So like many have said I guess I’ll just have to accept the fact that my wife and I will never have the depth of connection and vulnerability that I thought a marriage would provide. My mistake I guess. 

I’m not this crazy demanding sexually charged husband. I’m a sad and disappointed one.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You haven't said anything new or any differently in your second post than you did in the first.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Its not complicated to fix this. Is it so life altering for you that is a deal breaker? If so there's nothing wrong with that, break the deal and move on. Are you willing to compromise in some way? If so talk to her. Can you love her completely despite not fulfilling this desire? If so proceed with your life and don't bring it up to her ever again. Decide what you want and do it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DisappointmentAbounds said:


> I just do not feel like I am asking a lot. Am I terrible person for just wanting to know when my wife is turned on? Because even that’s a rarity. For the older generations I can see where a generational divide exists. A relationship today is much different than a relationship a few decades ago. I think many a men of a certain age range would admit that they’d like a risqué text from there wife once in a while. To know that they have desire and want to share a part of themselves with you.


You really are not asking too much and your desire is not unusual at all. 

She just doesn’t want to indulge you with it. 

Some chicks like oral - some don’t. Some like anal - some don’t. Some like to wear sexy lingerie - some don’t. Some like to have their toes sucked - some don’t. Some like to bring home other women for threesomes - some don’t. 

I think you are mistaken that she isn’t open with you or that she is hiding things from you or that there is a fundamental flaw in her acceptance of your desire.

She IS open with you and understands you and addresses your requests - - you just don’t like her answer. 

If there is a generational component at play here, it is one of expectations.

For your grandfather, a woman that had sex with him *AT ALL *after a few years of marriage and kids was a blessing. And bonus points for if she wasn’t screwing other men. 

You are expecting her to act and conduct herself as YOU would. That is not fair for not only is she not you, she is not even a man. 

If you want someone that gets spontaneously horny for no reason during the day, feels the need to masturbate and is bold enough to tell you about it, you would probably be better served by turning gay and getting with dudes because that is what dudes do. Most women do not.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> If you want someone that gets spontaneously horny for no reason during the day, feels the need to masturbate and is bold enough to tell you about it, you would probably be better served by turning gay and getting with dudes because that is what dudes do. Most women do not.


To touch on this a little further, you may benefit from learning more about spontaneous desire vs responsive desire. 

Men tend to be on the spontaneous desire end of the spectrum and will get horny and want to spank while sweeping the garage floor or painting the back deck. 

Men also have few hangups about spanking and have no qualms sending pictures of the johnsons to their partner if their partner requests it. 

Since you would have no qualms about sending her pictures of your junk if you were home spanking while she was at work, you think if she should respond the same. 

But it simply doesn’t usually work that way with most women. 

Yes there are some women that would be glad to accommodate if asked nicely. 

But women simply aren’t dudes that will get wood for no reason during the day and then be good with showing it off. 

If you were gone out of town for a week or two and were having phone sex and getting all hot and bothered on the phone, she might consider it. 

But wanting her to just get horny and wanting to spank and then be down with sending you pictures of it ...... that’s something that dudes would be into and have no issues doing. 

Your options are- 

- settle for in-person sex ( which many guys on this forum would crawl naked through broken glass and rusty thumbtacks for)

- break up with her and seek someone who will indulge this desire.

- turn gay and have countless dudes send you pictures of their junk all day long.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> She just doesn’t want to indulge you with it.
> 
> She IS open with you and understands you and addresses your requests - - you just don’t like her answer.


In other words, she is not ignoring your kink as is the title of your thread.

She has given you her answer, you just don’t like it and it’s not what you want. 

Your choice is whether to remain in the relationship or not.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I wish I had your problem when I was in my late 20's!!

Not to minimize your issue, but it's kind of a very small problem to be so upset about. 

You should read all the sexless posts in here to put into perspective your sex life. 

But if this is a deal breaker for you, do your poor wife a favor and let her go. She's obviously not following your generational trend.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

How about instead of a text message or a nude your wife comes to bed wearing only your favorite panties? Are you hung up on the medium or do you just not feel like she desires you?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> How about instead of a text message or a nude your wife comes to bed wearing only your favorite panties? Are you hung up on the medium or do you just not feel like she desires you?


Did you read the OP's posts?

He doesn't want that. He wants her to masturbate during the day when he's not home and tell him about it it and send him pics. She's not into that. That's why he's complaining that his heart is broken and his needs aren't being met.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Did you read the OP's posts?


I did, but then he came in saying that people misinterpreted him and mentioned my post. So I was giving him a chance to be more specific.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I wish my life was so perfect that I could get all heartbroken over my unfulfilled kink... think that’s the only nice thing I can say here.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Fishing... yah try fishing. Get a hobby.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> So basically your wife is just being herself but you want her to be the same as you. My advise is to be thankful for all the good things you have with her rather than getting so uptight about the one you dont. I will never understand why people get married presumably because they love their partners and then suddenly expect their spouses to change and be who they arent.


Totally agree.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> Think about this.....
> 
> If your wife were as overly mindful about sex, as you; thinking about it every waking minute, I would be very worried she would expand her horizons and look elsewhere for release.
> 
> ...


I beg to disagree. I think i class myself as on the high end of sexual need, but I was a virgin till 24. married my first boyfriend and have been faithful to him for 14½ years. I have never wished to try anyone else. My husband is not as sexually needy as I am but he does not refuse what he is offered. His only condition is. "If you can get it up and you want to straddle it, its your to have" the after "I am glad you did that. It was nice." The rest of the time he takes over and I appreciate what he offers. 
There was an article about prostate cancer being higher in monks because they do not have enough sex, and since then i noticed an increase in effort. 

Looking elsewhere is possibly not based of need of sex but more need of excitement in life. Do things together. Be full of surprises. Be pleasant to your spouse and the sex is part of the whole package.

For this guy wanting his wife to follow his kink, Personally I would not be comfortable with what he is asking. Not the act, but the camera. I prefer my husband to look than to photograph and look later. If he wants a repeat to morrow then fine, but no photos or vids.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> I beg to disagree. I think i class myself as on the high end of sexual need, but I was a virgin till 24. married my first boyfriend and have been faithful to him for 14½ years. I have never wished to try anyone else. My husband is not as sexually needy as I am but he does not refuse what he is offered. His only condition is. "If you can get it up and you want to straddle it, its your to have" the after "I am glad you did that. It was nice." The rest of the time he takes over and I appreciate what he offers.
> There was an article about prostate cancer being higher in monks because they do not have enough sex, and since then i noticed an increase in effort.
> 
> Looking elsewhere is possibly not based of need of sex but more need of excitement in life. Do things together. Be full of surprises. Be pleasant to your spouse and the sex is part of the whole package.
> ...


Can you share the monks prostate article? I have to admit I'm skeptical.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

CatholicDad said:


> Can you share the monks prostate article? I have to admit I'm skeptical.


 It appears to be true, according to this website which is overseen by physicians.









Sex, Masturbation, and Prostate Cancer: What’s the Link?


There’s growing evidence that men who ejaculate more often could have a lower chance of having prostate cancer.




www.webmd.com


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Since reading about the revenge porn cases in courts in the US over past few years, I would be VERY hesitant to share explicit images with anyone. They could be easily intercepted and vengeful or vindictive exes have been known to show them online in this country and probably others, for the world to see. I'm not saying I don't get that it's a wish, but be aware that many people would not be comfortable with this, and this is just beyond something she wants to try and if it's not something she just feels so so about, she may not budge. I'm sure there are things someone might suggest to you that you would just never ever try no matter what because you really don't want to, and it makes you either repulsed or just really really uncomfortable. It's one thing to experiment together in a fun way but when one person feels pressured or coerced by another to do something they REALLY don't feel comfortable with, that can start to erode trust and love, because they no longer feel you care about them, it feels more like you're sort of very overfocused on this specific act and don't care how uncomfortable it makes them. Does that make sense?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Well....

Men can be geniuses at miscommunication and misunderstanding things. It is very possible that she has been giving subtle hints and clues, but the OP completely misses them. He probably keeps wondering why she texts him about cooking zucchini for dinner, and then she orders a pizza when it is time to eat. Why do women have to be so mysterious!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I have a suggestion for the OP....

Ask you wife to tell you when she doesn't pleasure herself. This way when she doesn't say anything, you can assume she has been up to something.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

Marriage is about compromises. I don't feel your kink is a big deal to ask for but, I am not her. 

The funny thing is that someone asked "if her kink was to peg you with 10 inches..." The funny thing is for reasons I cannot understand I think more men would agree to kinks more then some women. I think more women have hard lines. Hell I would do almost anything if it got my wife's motor running. 

You may need to let this go or perhaps try counseling. I know many will say no means no. However, if you have an otherwise happy life in and out of the bedroom I would say let it go and count your blessings.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> How about instead of a text message or a nude your wife comes to bed wearing only your favorite panties? Are you hung up on the medium or do you just not feel like she desires you?


I think this is a very key question. And while the answer might end up being a bit of both, the path forward is very different depending on which one is the key issue. I get the feeling it might be more of the latter manifesting in the former. Which is a much different conversation than just dealing with a kink


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

can't you channel you energy into a more traditional male kink?
Like buying Guns, boats, old cars to fix up in the front yard, guitars, new tools.....


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> can't you channel you energy into a more traditional male kink?
> Like buying Guns, boats, old cars to fix up in the front yard, guitars, new tools.....


That is very good advice. If only...


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## My Monsters (Mar 13, 2021)

Disappointmentabounds,

😊 I enjoyed your post it reminds me of my husband and me in our 20’s. That’s not very “kinky”, pretty mild side to be honest. Here’s how my big guy got me interested...back then. He gave me a oiled message by the fireplace and then he asked if I would like to see him “arouse himself”. WOW was that hot to watch...that got me interested. Then I started asking him to do that for me and I started reciprocating. I finally understood why he was interested in trying it.


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

My Monsters said:


> Disappointmentabounds,
> 
> 😊 I enjoyed your post it reminds me of my husband and me in our 20’s. That’s not very “kinky”, pretty mild side to be honest. Here’s how my big guy got me interested...back then. He gave me a oiled message by the fireplace and then he asked if I would like to see him “arouse himself”. WOW was that hot to watch...that got me interested. Then I started asking him to do that for me and I started reciprocating. I finally understood why he was interested in trying it.


This is a GREAT idea. The OP's wife may be more timid/shy than "not wanting to engage in your Kink" You should try this or some variation. 

It is still not clear to me if you are hung up on the phone/picture thing or what is your real desire. I would NEVER want my wife to send pics. Too much can go wrong.. I know many do it but, I know many who would never. 

You should also consider re-writing your post. It length and your going on at nauseum about how this has effected you depicts you (perhaps unfairly) as a whiner who is unnaturally obsessed with this topic. You may want to edit it with this in mind.


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