# Insecurities and Facebook



## dadzanaiG (May 3, 2012)

Hi everyone, 

My second post ever, and here goes...My wife is so jealous and obsessed and I am really trying to not harbour any resentment towards her by being loving and affectionate...

Well we're bth on Facebook and communicate with alot of mutual friends and schoolmates...A few months ago I was completely transparent with her and gave her my login and passwords for my facebook profile without ever asking her for hers...not long after she had actually posted comments and status messages(acting as me) and made a few nasty remarks to a few ladies on and blocked people from my people she felt threatend by.

I subsequently changed my login details and password to which she onjected and said I had something to hide...I feel my actions are fully justified by how she acted when she had access to my profile....she destroyed the simcard to her cellphone and now cannot access facebook as regularly...she is so desperate to track my every move on facebook that she even lends the babysitter's simcard to keep track of my movements....It frustrates the hell out of me!

thoughts and opinions would be appreciated...


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## NotAlwaysEasy (Jun 21, 2012)

She definitely abused the privilege.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Tell her you think you both should delete your Facebook accounts. See how that flys. Facebook, texting, email etc....causes so many un-necessary problems in marriages. My bet is she wont delete hers.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Why are you talking to women on FB?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Just delete both accounts or, if you have to, have a shared account.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I think that you were more than justified in changing your log on information. She totally abused the privilege! I think what she did would make anyone angry.

My husband and I both have facebook but he doesn't really go on his so I do to update pictures and stuff for family he has that we don't see very often. I feel odd enough doing that and replying to messages to family for him when he is sitting right there and knows about it.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

This is ridiculous. YOU shouldn't be chatting up women on Facebook. No Exes as friends. No one on there you don't have good reason have as a friend. SHE shouldn't have access to your Facebook. She's already acted like a nitwit. Why argue about it? Just tell her no.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It's not right, and it's not fair...she is too insecure. FB friends should be no big deal .... unless one spouse is really insecure, whether they have reason to or not. 

Either way.... she had no right to mess with your FB. BUT.... how can you solve this issue? Just like the rest said, delete both accounts. But that isn't going to stop her insecurity, and its going to build your resentment. It stops THIS issues, but FB is just a symptom of a REAL issue.


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## InspectorGadget (Jun 21, 2012)

Drover said:


> This is ridiculous. YOU shouldn't be chatting up women on Facebook. No Exes as friends. No one on there you don't have good reason have as a friend. SHE shouldn't have access to your Facebook. She's already acted like a nitwit. Why argue about it? Just tell her no.


Why shouldn't a man be able to chat with a woman on Facebook? Why shouldn't an ex of mine be a friend? Grow up people!


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

I'm kind of confused about the SIM Card thing...

And just curious, and be honest, is there any reason that she would be insecure and jealous? The last poster had it right that this whole FB thing is a symptom of a bigger problem. 

On the surface, unless there is some backstory we are not aware of, yes, this is completely out of line. My wife has all of my FB information. I had hers, but can't remember it anymore because never really needed it.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

If you two can't handle Facebook, then delete your accounts. If your wife can't handle your opsex friendships, then you'd better have a talk. Snooping isn't going to cut it.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

This is not about facebook at all. Your wife has serious issues. Maybe you do too but I don't know that. All I know when someone does the stuff your wife has done and is doing, they're badly insecure and perhaps on the verge of depression.

As her husband, you're obligated to deep diver into the issue and help her. Her mind is not at ease. You know that. What are you willing to do to help her?

Again, facebook has nothing to do with the real problem.


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## resetbuttonpushed (May 13, 2012)

I don't understand the comments to other people and deleting people she abused the privledge, has she always been like this, or is this something new? have other things in your marriage changed to give her reason to be insecure.... It urks me when people jump to conclusions about people having "serious issues" I have been insecure in my marriage lately but my husband has given me serious reasons to be....


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

I can understand how she might feel and her reason, however posting things as you is totaly abuse. And as for blocking people, she should talked to you about it and you should have done it for whatever reason.

My bf is friend's with two of his ex's on facebook, and he had trouble getting over both of those, so I told him how uncomfrtable it made me feel but I let him keep them as friends but he does NOT talk to them. One of reasons is one girl was married and had a child, so I had nothing to worry about. THE day after she seperated with her husband she facebook messaged my bf (this is girl who he used to have tons of naked pics of when we very first men, so I am ultra sensitive), so I asked my bf to block her just so I can have peace of mind.

I know my bf has NO feelings for any of these girls (we are deeply and madly in love, lived together for over 2 years, been together 3 years), but that was one chick was too close for comfort, seeing her name made me sick to my stomach. So he blocked her.

I think you need to discuess with your wife, don't attack her. Yes she is jealous and over stepped her bounds but she is not doing this out of spite, but something must really be bother her. I can tell you when my bf and I go even a day or two without sex, I start to already worry and stress, my "insecurities" issues have gotten a lot better than to a lot of help from my bf.

You need to make sure you're spending enough time on your wife, all little things lead to insecurities, and FB just doens't help. If you think about it, people are pretty awful. I know TOO many people who cheat with people they talk to on FB even though they are married, and both parties are full aware of it.

You need to re-assure on her on daily/weekly basis of your loyalty to her. Eventually you won't have to do it, but for now it's crucial, the longer she goes without affirmation the harder it is for her. Tell her she is beautiful and sexy when she is naked and not, do romantic things for her, bring her some flowers, cook her dinner, just do romantic things to always remind her that she the ONE and the only one. Make sure she getting enough attention, I know when I don't get it as much is when I start getting paranoid.

Please don't hate her for it, understand that she is in diffucult place, for some people it's just not as easy as it for you and other. Checking your FB and seeing it clean gives her a peace of mind, the more she gets that they less she will do it.

I put a keylogger on my bf computer ( I am not proud of it but I had to so I can just let it be and not be paranoid every time I don't attention), just for a week. I was happy to not find anything, and now I uninstalled it, and for the first time in a long time I feel so much less insecure. Don't hate your wife for it though, it's hard for people to get over, however make a point that she can't violate those rules.

But speak to her, and make her filled as loved/secure as possible.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

resetbuttonpushed said:


> I don't understand the comments to other people and deleting people she abused the privledge, has she always been like this, or is this something new? have other things in your marriage changed to give her reason to be insecure.... It urks me when people jump to conclusions about people having "serious issues" I have been insecure in my marriage lately but my husband has given me serious reasons to be....


:iagree:


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Do yourself both a favor and delete your FB's. I did a long time ago and its been the best thing ever. 

Not to mention, saw a graph the other day that said over 52% of divorce filings the last year, mentioned FB.

If people want to keep up with me, call me or come see me, like you actually care.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Santa said:


> Do yourself both a favor and delete your FB's. I did a long time ago and its been the best thing ever.
> 
> Not to mention, saw a graph the other day that said over 52% of divorce filings the last year, mentioned FB.
> 
> If people want to keep up with me, call me or come see me, like you actually care.


I've been seriously leaning to deleting my fb too.It causes more trouble than it's worth.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

dadzanaiG said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> My second post ever, and here goes...*My wife is so jealous and obsessed and I am really trying to not harbour any resentment towards her by being loving and affectionate...*
> 
> ...



Gee, I WONDER why she is so jealous and insecure:


dadzanaiG said:


> I for one do not regret cheating,she for one had a lot of trust issues and insecurities which pushed me to have a EA When I opened up to her she used all the info to her advantage and went on a smear-campaign trying to defame me. Met someone who took the the time to listen and understand me and who kept the secrets of my heart safe...broke it off before my wife could find out but fell so hard for the other woman that I literally haad to write down everything I felt for the OW to get some sort of closure...Wife found the notebook I wrote my feelings in.Haven't spoken to the OW in 9 months...glad I cheated because it made realise I deserved better than what I was getting...even when she brings up the OW I can see she realises that she has to do better
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Found in this thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...u-regret-cheating-your-spouse-any-reason.html


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Maricha75 said:


> Gee, I WONDER why she is so jealous and insecure:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


DING DING DING!!!!

We have a winner! Yeah, she has a reason to do that. 

Congrats bud... you almost had a lot of us thinking you were being wrongly treated and were married to an unreasonable, jealous, crazy person...

Why don't you include the whole story next time.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

When all the while, he was part of the cause of her being wild, jealous, crazy...pfff...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

GPR said:


> DING DING DING!!!!
> 
> We have a winner! Yeah, she has a reason to do that.
> 
> ...





CandieGirl said:


> When all the while, he was part of the cause of her being wild, jealous, crazy...pfff...


I do find it amusing that some seem to think no one will go check other threads to see what, if anything, revealed in other posts would be relevant.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I am getting to really hate Facebook...nothing but trouble...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

DayDream said:


> I am getting to really hate Facebook...nothing but trouble...


If it wasn't Facebook, it'd be another venue.... Gaming.... texting.... IM.... other social sites....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So again being jealous is not by default a wrong emotion. It depends ... again.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> If it wasn't Facebook, it'd be another venue.... Gaming.... texting.... IM.... other social sites....


Those too. I hate all of them. How do I know how many of these sites he is on and who he is talking to on all of them?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

InspectorGadget said:


> Why shouldn't a man be able to chat with a woman on Facebook? Why shouldn't an ex of mine be a friend? Grow up people!


If you feel you can handle it, then fine. But as a general rule, it's a bad idea.


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## dadzanaiG (May 3, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions...just to clarify and to bring everyone up to speed...The EA happened after she had full access to my facebook profile...the OW was not on my facebook or anything of a sort....I have been dealing with her insecurities long before we got married...

As previously pointed out I do know that the mental and emotional abuse suffered at the hands of her bitter mother has alot to do with it...I am not even friends on facebook with any of my exes, she just blocked the women who were physically 'more attractive' than her as she put it when I confronted her about it...

The one question I do have, how does one approach her trust issues and insecurities when she is not ready to open up and becomes defensive about it??


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Even b4 I read of your EA, I was on your wife's side. My wife was spending 8-12 hours a day on FB gaming an chatting with men. After I intervened she spends 3-4 hours a day mostly gaming and doesn't chat with any men. In fact, she is slowly starting to tire of the gaming scene and has redicovered that she'd rather be spending time with me! In theory men/women should be allowed to chat with those of the opposite sex. In practice, Mrs. Latigo CANNOT!!! When my wife was on FB all this time, I pulled some of the same guerilla tactics on my wife's FB that your wife did on yours. It may very well have saved our marriage...I'll never know for sure because when things started getting out of hand, I squashed the situation! With the info I have from this thread, it seems to me that your wife is trying to protect your marriage. You seem to be saying that your FB activity is more important to you than that. Were I in her shoes, that would be all I needed to know.


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## Jimbob82 (Jun 29, 2012)

IMO Facebook is an absolute blight on modern marriages and families. What turned out to be an apprently harmless way of communication between friends and long-last family is now effectively a springboard to jealousy, resentment EA's, or worse.

E.g. Why would your wife want to add an old male school friend or ex to Facebook and drag them back into YOUR present, when they should have been left in past, long long ago? 

I urge anyone thinking about quitting FB to go ahead and do it - immediately. I don't mean Disable, I mean deleted. Finito. Forever. I managed to do this 10 months ago, and have not looked back. I spend more time playing with my kids and pursuing hobbies. My wife, on the other hand has never been more addicted, and it's genuinely heartbreaking to see someone you used to have so much fun and spend time with, sat on FB on their phone for 8 hours solid, without so much as looking up and speaking to you or the kids. Its terrible.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Jimbob82 said:


> IMO Facebook is an absolute blight on modern marriages and families. What turned out to be an apprently harmless way of communication between friends and long-last family is now effectively a springboard to jealousy, resentment EA's, or worse.
> 
> E.g. Why would your wife want to add an old male school friend or ex to Facebook and drag them back into YOUR present, when they should have been left in past, long long ago?
> 
> I urge anyone thinking about quitting FB to go ahead and do it - immediately. I don't mean Disable, I mean deleted. Finito. Forever. I managed to do this 10 months ago, and have not looked back. I spend more time playing with my kids and pursuing hobbies. My wife, on the other hand has never been more addicted, and it's genuinely heartbreaking to see someone you used to have so much fun and spend time with, sat on FB on their phone for 8 hours solid, without so much as looking up and speaking to you or the kids. Its terrible.


I totally agree, and it's a shame because it is an excellent way of keeping in touch with extended family and old friends you never get to talk to or hear from otherwise. 

For the life of me, I'll never understand why my own husband friends EVERYONE. There are so many men and women on his Facebook accounts (one is for his business and one is personal) that I don't know, have never heard about, and I don't know why they have to be on there. If I ask him about them, he'll get irritated and think I'm being jealous and naggy. But it makes me wonder why it's so important for them to be on there.


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