# How do I let go?



## momma03 (Sep 1, 2012)

I've been unhappy for a long while now. My husband controls me and doesn't let me do anything I want. He also blames me and others in his past for all his problems. I have been very supportive with him getting help for his depression and anxiety disorders but nothing seems to help and he said his life is just supposed to be hard and miserable so I feel he doesn't think anyone can help him. He has no plans for the future and doesn't think either of us should work or go to school like I want to. He thinks the world is a bad place and tries to keep me from it. I used to be happy but now every day is a struggle and his depression is just wearing off on me. I can't take it anymore but don't know how to tell him without him getting mad at me or just very depressed.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

you need to tell him. You also need to live your life and not be controlled because he doesn't want to live. Sounds like he wants to do nothing and is making you do nothing with him so he won't be alone. I would just be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Maybe it will make him change. Maybe it won't. But you need to tell him how you feel. Don't put it off. Just do it.


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## AnnaMa (Aug 29, 2012)

He is right the world is a bad place. It is true but it doesn't mean that everyone has to be so passive and negative. Everyone has to make a world a better place. Tell him that. I don't know your whole story but he has some issues. He definitely needs help. Try to give him some eastern "new age" literature, therapists and etc. Do you consider any drugs in his life? Does he smoke marijuana? What's the story with his family?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

momma03 said:


> I've been unhappy for a long while now. My husband controls me and doesn't let me do anything I want. He also blames me and others in his past for all his problems. I have been very supportive with him getting help for his depression and anxiety disorders but nothing seems to help and he said his life is just supposed to be hard and miserable so I feel he doesn't think anyone can help him. He has no plans for the future and doesn't think either of us should work or go to school like I want to. He thinks the world is a bad place and tries to keep me from it. I used to be happy but now every day is a struggle and his depression is just wearing off on me. *I can't take it anymore but don't know how to tell him without him getting mad at me or just very depressed.*


You can't change him. You can only help yourself. In other words, the only person here that you can control is yourself. The point is, you need to not worry that he gets mad at you or depressed. That is not in your control. Improving your life is entirely in your control.

If he doesn't think either of you should work, how do you support yourselves? How can anyone provide a better life without an education? You see, his ideas are keeping you down and you know this.

You may have to let him be miserable without you. You may just have to take control of your life, and move on. He either takes your journey with you, or he doesn't, but you know this ride can't continue. Perhaps when you begin your efforts in your own life, he will see for himself the improvement and realize that he is wrong. Perhaps not. Either way, you do need to consider your future.

I wish you the best.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I would demand going to a licensed MC to see if the professional 3rd party can help. This way you are not blaming him directly and getting an expert to advise, taking the pressure off of you.

Just a thought in my humble opinion!


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