# Why the sudden change in future?



## rollercoaster (May 27, 2010)

Hi, I've never done this before. Last Friday my husband of 3.5 years which we dated for 4 years prior and known each other for 13 years, dropped a bomb on me telling me he thinks that we should get a divorce. Our sex life has been null - which was talked about and chopped up to being my birth control that I have been on for 10 years - I work too much, etc. He then added on Saturday that he doesn't want children now - even though 2 weeks ago we were just talking about it and it has never been a secret that I have always wanted children and a happy family. I left and returned on Sunday with a game plan on how to spice up our life and fall back in love including shutting work down at 6 and just spending quality time together, working out, cooking, eating at the table rather than in front of the TV. He was on board and we knew there would be tension but continued our day and looking a bit forward to the changes. Then after dinner we started talking again and he brought up again that he really doesn't want to have children and that he isn't happy with suburban life and would really like to go travel and explore and how exciting it would be, I'm just not about that, that was something to consider when we were in our twenties and there were other things. I went numb, didn't feel anything. The kid thing I think may be a deal breaker. Should it be?
The other issue is that since I was working so much prior to this bomb, he was going out with a couple of colleagues once or twice a week, he always asked me if I wanted to go but I was too busy. Well last week he went out with one of the girls that he has been over the past couple of weeks and was out for 7 hours!!! When I texted and called he wouldn't pick up. I called over and over again and he finally called back 15-30 minutes later. It was eery and quiet but maybe he was just walking out of the bar? He says that nothing was going on, but how is it that he spends 7 hours with some chick and then drops this type of bomb? 
We went to a marriage counselor yesterday and he is moving out temporarily for 2-3 months. I'm really scared. I don't know if I should wait and see what is going on with him, if this is a phase, or should book it due to the children thing? I love him and he loves me, but are we in love with each other?
Do men go thru this phase in their early 30's? I'm not going to try and change him, but I just wish I knew why all of the sudden this is happening. We have been talking about our future over and over again and all of the sudden he says that's not for him. What did I do?
Sorry I am babbling.


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## Anna11 (May 26, 2010)

been there, it hurts and confusing situation, kids involved and something I don't wish to a family..hang on I made it so you can do it too. At 40 my h left me and to told that he want to try and live alone is BS that 2 months lasted 2 yrs and he had an affair with much older than me. less income earner than me short and ugly. I stand firm on my ground with the help of God I made it..you can do it too, you will be surprise on how much you can do for yourself.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Sounds like your relationship, both physically and emotionally, had dried up even before having children. Add kids to where you were already at, and I'm presuming he only saw the life he imagined getting worse - not better.

I'm not saying either of you is right or wrong, but it certainly sounds like your goals and what you each want from life is incongruent.


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## rollercoaster (May 27, 2010)

I just read Who Moved My Cheese and I think this is a perfect example. Our lives became staggnant and we never wanted to reach out and see that we had problems. Perhaps this brief seperation will help us either find the flame and excitement within each other or maybe we go our separate ways. Either way it is going to be a challenge, it will be scary but I need to find my Cheese.
I saw someone recommend this book on the Getting Seperated or Divorced wall. It is such a good idea for anyone to read this book you go thru several emotions but can see where you may have just stop looking for your cheese and now is a good time to do it. here is a website with the small bit of the story. I think it may have helped me for today, and that is also good.

Who Moved My Cheese? - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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