# The hotwife fantasy



## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

I'm trying to gain some insight/information on the subject. Anytime I search Google it's information from a porn sites, not the most reliable place for honest information.

Background
We are in our late 30's, married 16 years, together 18. Early on in our relation, not often but usually after a night of drinking, the hotwife thing would come in bed. We use to be pretty open about fantasies and curiosities but once we started a family,all that talk stopped. My wife has grown pretty conservative over the years. A few weeks ago I was restoring a friend's laptop, honestly, I wasn't snooping but I found out they have explored the fantasy. It's kicked the fantasy in overdrive for me.I'm unsure whether to attempt to tell my wife. I don't want to upset her. 

I don't want to be judged. I would never force anything on anyone they were comfortable with.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Pandora's box, man.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

Leave it alone


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

hifromme67 said:


> Leave it alone
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Bad experience?


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

hifromme67 said:


> Leave it alone
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


How so?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

dsmith2017 said:


> Bad experience?


You're not asking me, and I can't speak from experience (I don't like to share my tools, let alone my wife), but I can tell you this: hang around here long enough and you'll see this sort of thing commonly break up marriages.

Maybe you'll be an exception. Are you a gambling man?


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

GTdad said:


> You're not asking me, and I can't speak from experience (I don't like to share my tools, let alone my wife), but I can tell you this: hang around here long enough and you'll see this sort of thing commonly break up marriages.
> 
> Maybe you'll be an exception. Are you a gambling man?


I'll see if I can find any of those stories here.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I third the "don't do it" vote. Your wife probably doesn't want to do this because she respects you too much. Ungrateful woman. 

If getting cuckolded is your kink, look for other ways to satisfy the humiliation craving. Instead, see if your wife will role play with you. Have her tell you about an imaginary rendezvous with another man while your banging her.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

bandit.45 said:


> I third the "don't do it" vote. Your wife probably doesn't want to do this because she respects you too much. Ungrateful woman.
> 
> If getting cuckolded is your kink, look for other ways to satisfy the humiliation craving. Instead, see if your wife will role play with you. Have her tell you about an imaginary rendezvous with another man while your banging her.


I'm not into any of that hardcore cuckold stuff. It's more hotwife/mfm fantasy, as far as respect, if she brought up a fmf 3some, I'd still respect her. I'm not about to jump into anything or even bring up anything she might be uncomfortable with.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ahh Pimp my wife. If threesomes are Russian Roulette, hotwife is suicide.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> I'll see if I can find any of those stories here.


There is a whole subreddit on reddit for that.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Instead, see if your wife will role play with you. Have her tell you about an imaginary rendezvous with another man while your banging her.


Beware this may have the opposite effect and kick it into overdrive. I tried this with an ex hoping to calm him pressuring me to try it out and it made things worse. After that first time he was convinced it would be even more thrilling if we could just do it in real life. And then he started pressuring me to tell him these imaginary stories to give him a better climax during sex. Ugh turn off alert


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

We tried this and it almost broke us up. My husband threatened suicide and ended up in a mental hospital for awhile. We have three kids and were getting bored in our marriage. Wanted to spice things up. It always starts out fun and easy, until it's not.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

As a fantasy, you can still have fun with it. Probably NOT a good thing to take into reality unless you have experience with something like ordinary swinging, and it went very well, with no jealousy issues, etc. I knew one couple who were into this, and they had fun with it for a number of years. They weren't married, though, and eventually she tired of it while he did not. They split up - very amicably. He found another gf into the hot wife scenario, though, and they eventually married. I don't know if they still pursue this, however. Knowing them both, though, I'd guess not.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Beware this may have the opposite effect and kick it into overdrive. I tried this with an ex hoping to calm him pressuring me to try it out and it made things worse. After that first time he was convinced it would be even more thrilling if we could just do it in real life. And then he started pressuring me to tell him these imaginary stories to give him a better climax during sex. Ugh turn off alert


I get that and that's me. Example, I've asked her for anal sex, I never pressured her. One night she said she'd try it, no sooner before "it" made contact she said stop. She wasn't comfortable with it, I stopped. I didn't guilt trip her or keep bugging her, I appreciate she was willing to make the attempt.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

RideofmyLife said:


> We tried this and it almost broke us up. My husband threatened suicide and ended up in a mental hospital for awhile. We have three kids and were getting bored in our marriage. Wanted to spice things up. It always starts out fun and easy, until it's not.


Wow that's terrible, did you guys talk about it much before trying it? Did you guys do it a lot, different people? What made it go from fun to so horrible?


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> As a fantasy, you can still have fun with it. Probably NOT a good thing to take into reality unless you have experience with something like ordinary swinging, and it went very well, with no jealousy issues, etc. I knew one couple who were into this, and they had fun with it for a number of years. They weren't married, though, and eventually she tired of it while he did not. They split up - very amicably. He found another gf into the hot wife scenario, though, and they eventually married. I don't know if they still pursue this, however. Knowing them both, though, I'd guess not.


Thanks for the advice


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love. 
100% of her respect.
100% of her compliments.
100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
100% of her beautiful body is offered to you alone. 

Bringing another man into the bedroom Math Equation, brings your share down to 50%.

Why lose a good thing? Why take a chance of your share going to zero?

Zero, when she dumps you for another man...or other men.
Zero, when she dumps you for showing how much you value her. NOT!

Fantasy's are great until they become reality. Passion follows Natures laws, runs downhill, as does rain. But rarely in a straight line. 
You are not a Prophet. You do not know how this will play out. 
Your Profit Margin is a faithful wife in a faithful marriage. Do not gamble with your most valuable asset. The better half with the boobs.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love.
> 100% of her respect.
> 100% of her compliments.
> 100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
> ...


Thanks for the honest response


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Some fantasies should remain just fantasies. Be careful what you wish for lol  My vote is 'no' to testing this out.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> Some fantasies should remain just fantasies. Be careful what you wish for lol  My vote is 'no' to testing this out.


Thanks but how about bringing it up as a fantasy


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I'll post the link to my thread on what we went through. If you want the short story, we talked about it (mostly him as I was his first) and I decided to give it a try. We were leaning toward threesomes and knew it would be easier to find of guy, so we did my threesome first. I ended up seeing him again several times, both doing a threesome with my husband and then on my own. Hubby was fine with a relationship developing. Hubby found a girlfriend, also. I became emotionally involved and the relationship turned kinky, as well. We were going to fetlife bdsm parties. My husband was feeling excluded, especially as I was wanting some privacy in that other relationship (similar to waywards). He started spying on me, feeling as though I was cheating since I wasn't coming home and telling him all the details of my nights. I started *****ing about him to my friends, he started spying on my conversations with them, also. I was in AZ putting my dad into assisted living after a bad fall when he told me he was going to blow his brains out. I called the cops and he went to the mental hospital. When he came out, we were separated but living together still. We started going to counseling, and have just recently stopped. We're really good now, since we laid it all on the line and did the work to try to get back to normal. I'm amazed sometimes that we're still together. 

If this is something that you can live without, I'd really suggest doing so. My story is pretty extreme but the point is that until you open a relationship you don't know what nasties are lurking to rear up and bite you. Insecurities, jealousies, etc... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...icking-up-pieces-after-om-suicide-threat.html


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

dsmith2017 said:


> Thanks but how about bringing it up as a fantasy


Definitely go with the fantasy! Just don't start asking her to turn it into reality, like my husband did. :|


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

RideofmyLife said:


> I'll post the link to my thread on what we went through. If you want the short story, we talked about it (mostly him as I was his first) and I decided to give it a try. We were leaning toward threesomes and knew it would be easier to find of guy, so we did my threesome first. I ended up seeing him again several times, both doing a threesome with my husband and then on my own. Hubby was fine with a relationship developing. Hubby found a girlfriend, also. I became emotionally involved and the relationship turned kinky, as well. We were going to fetlife bdsm parties. My husband was feeling excluded, especially as I was wanting some privacy in that other relationship (similar to waywards). He started spying on me, feeling as though I was cheating since I wasn't coming home and telling him all the details of my nights. I started *****ing about him to my friends, he started spying on my conversations with them, also. I was in AZ putting my dad into assisted living after a bad fall when he told me he was going to blow his brains out. I called the cops and he went to the mental hospital. When he came out, we were separated but living together still. We started going to counseling, and have just recently stopped. We're really good now, since we laid it all on the line and did the work to try to get back to normal. I'm amazed sometimes that we're still together.
> 
> If this is something that you can live without, I'd really suggest doing so. My story is pretty extreme but the point is that until you open a relationship you don't know what nasties are lurking to rear up and bite you. Insecurities, jealousies, etc...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...icking-up-pieces-after-om-suicide-threat.html


I'm glad you guys are good now.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

RideofmyLife said:


> Definitely go with the fantasy! Just don't start asking her to turn it into reality, like my husband did. :|


Were you ok with it when it was just something you talked about in the bed room?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> Thanks but how about bringing it up as a fantasy


Yea, I don't see why not. Okay. I have a recurring fantasy, and I have shared it with my fiance. He likes it, but sometimes he doesn't. My fantasy is to imagine him sleeping with his exes. lol Idk why. I don't know these past women he's dated, they're faceless in my fantasy, but I like him to tell stories about his exes. He doesn't like it sometimes, because he feels that I'm not focusing on ''us.'' Which isn't true, I am, but there's something very sexy to me about imagining him with other women. So, your wife may come back at you with ''why do you ''need'' this ...aren't I enough?'' So be ready for that question.  (My fiance is SO enough, but there is something hot to me about thinking about him with other women. ONLY in fantasy, I would be heartbroken of course if he slept with other women)


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

dsmith2017 said:


> Were you ok with it when it was just something you talked about in bed room?


Definitely! It made things exciting, because it's always been a fantasy of mine to be with multiple people. You used to be 
able to discuss these fantasies with your wife, you said. Are you unsure of how receptive she'd be now?


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, I don't see why not. Okay. I have a recurring fantasy, and I have shared it with my fiance. He likes it, but sometimes he doesn't. My fantasy is to imagine him sleeping with his exes. lol Idk why. I don't know these past women he's dated, they're faceless in my fantasy, but I like him to tell stories about his exes. He doesn't like it sometimes, because he feels that I'm not focusing on ''us.'' Which isn't true, I am, but there's something very sexy to me about imagining him with other women. So, your wife may come back at you with ''why do you ''need'' this ...aren't I enough?'' So be ready for that question.  (My fiance is SO enough, but there is something hot to me about thinking about him with other women. ONLY in fantasy, I would be heartbroken of course if he slept with other women)


You're awesome!! I'm pretty sure most of us men would get slapped in face if we brought up an x anytime much less in the bed room.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

RideofmyLife said:


> Definitely! It made things exciting, because it's always been a fantasy of mine to be with multiple people. You used to be
> able to discuss these fantasies with your wife, you said. Are you unsure of how receptive she'd be now?


Yes, it's been years plus the only time anything like that came up alcohol was involved. We don't drink and aren't young and carefree anymore.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ask most women would you want a husband who lusts for you and cherishes you body as his own, or a husband who wants you to give your body to another man so he can think of you like a pornstar? Which one do you think she will pick? It's that simple. 

You don't see any books women read, movies or songs they listen to about there man pimping them out. Not unless it's for the shock value. 

Pimping them out is what it is anyway. Lets not pretty it up. The turn-on is the power fantasy you have about getting her to do things with her body and soul that she wouldn't normally do (probably would be repulsed by) for your pleasure. That is the ultimate power. I'm sure you are gonna want pictures too, and eventually you will share them, because then you can show others what power you have over her. You get to feel like snoop-dog and pimp out your wife. I could get her to debauch herself just by talking to her. 

Most women will lose some respect for you almost immediately and all it will take is one guy saying, "If you were my women it would only be me making love to you. You're to fine to give away." 

BOOM you're the ultimate Beta.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> You're awesome!! I'm pretty sure most of us men would get slapped in face if we brought up an x anytime much less in the bed room.


LOL Keep in mind, he doesn't say their names. He will just say ''there was this girl a few years back...and she...'' And then it goes from there. I think he makes some of the stuff up, for dramatic effect.  It can be fun, but there are nights he's not into it, I don't push it. I can see where a spouse might think that he/she isn't enough, if a fantasy life has to be brought in. You could ask her to tell you about exes...that would be as close to watching another man with your wife, if you're up to asking. lol She might not want to share it though. 

My take on sex is if you have a strong relationship out of the bed, then a couple should be able to bring these things up without the other person getting offended. (within reason lol)


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

I also vote for leaving this as a fantasy.

My H and I often shared fantasies or told each other stories during sex... 

Our favorite was the FFM fantasy. I am bicurious so it was a very hot fantasy for us both. The only times I ever felt awkward was when he would talk about wanting to make it actually happen. We never did act on it, but found other ways to scratch that itch (sharing lap dances at a strip club for example).

In fantasy, nothing goes wrong... IRL anything can and usually does go wrong.

I've never been particularly jealous... I was honestly worried he would feel more left out than me, lol. The idea of watching him with another faceless woman was a turn on. But IRL... the third party isn't faceless,and I'd probably want to claw her eyes out!

I see no harm in sharing the fantasy, but be sure to make it clear you are not pressuring her.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Ask most women would you want a husband who lusts for you and cherishes you body as his own, or a husband who wants you to give your body to another man so he can think of you like a pornstar? Which one do you think she will pick? It's that simple.
> 
> You don't see any books women read, movies or songs they listen to about there man pimping them out. Not unless it's for the shock value.
> 
> ...


A pimp, I got to buy a cane and a purple suit


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

heartbroken50 said:


> I also vote for leaving this as a fantasy.
> 
> My H and I often shared fantasies or told each other stories during sex...
> 
> ...


Good advice, how did you bring it up?


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> LOL Keep in mind, he doesn't say their names. He will just say ''there was this girl a few years back...and she...'' And then it goes from there. I think he makes some of the stuff up, for dramatic effect.  It can be fun, but there are nights he's not into it, I don't push it. I can see where a spouse might think that he/she isn't enough, if a fantasy life has to be brought in. You could ask her to tell you about exes...that would be as close to watching another man with your wife, if you're up to asking. lol She might not want to share it though.
> 
> My take on sex is if you have a strong relationship out of the bed, then a couple should be able to bring these things up without the other person getting offended. (within reason lol)


Again you are awesome, good idea.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> Good advice, how did you bring it up?




I discovered that side of myself through watching porn with my H. We would watch a scene together, talk about which things were turn ons or turn offs... we both enjoyed those scenes, so it just naturally evolved into talking through the fantasy together.

When H started pushing to make it happen, I backed off... but later it crept back and eventually, when we planned a getaway (without our 3 kids) I asked if he'd take me to a strip club. We were both nervous but he was excited that I was interested. First time we just observed... later times were more interactive. I liked that it was a controlled environment... safe. And the sex afterward was off the charts for weeks, lol.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

heartbroken50 said:


> I discovered that side of myself through watching porn with my H. We would watch a scene together, talk about which things were turn ons or turn offs... we both enjoyed those scenes, so it just naturally evolved into talking through the fantasy together.
> 
> When H started pushing to make it happen, I backed off... but later it crept back and eventually, when we planned a getaway (without our 3 kids) I asked if he'd take me to a strip club. We were both nervous but he was excited that I was interested. First time we just observed... later times were more interactive. I liked that it was a controlled environment... safe. And the sex afterward was off the charts for weeks, lol.
> 
> ...


That sounds fun!!


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

She may have liked it in the past but obviously she is now conservative. You wouldn't want her to feel that you need her to be someone else in order to make love to her. A woman wants to be made love to because of who they really are, not a fantasy. That's my opinion though and not sure what your wife's take on it is.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

hifromme67 said:


> She may have liked it in the past but obviously she is now conservative. You wouldn't want her to feel that you need her to be someone else in order to make love to her. A woman wants to be made love to because of who they really are, not a fantasy. That's my opinion though and not sure what your wife's take on it is.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Good point, I haven't said anything yet, sought advice first and getting it so far.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Great advice, thanks!


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> Great advice, thanks!




Welcome!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

dsmith2017 said:


> Good point, I haven't said anything yet, sought advice first and getting it so far.


You may find it helpful to try and imagine a role-reversal in your head. Imagine that it is your wife but NOT you that has this fantasy of you becoming a hothusband for her! She found out the neighbor's husband was sleeping around, and now she wants you to start doing the same thing. In particular she wants you to hook up with someone of her choice and bring her in the bedroom for her to watch the two of you. In particular she wants to see you with am alpha woman that will dominate you, toss you around the bedroom, and leave the scene with you spinning around passed out on the ceiling fan. *If you don't do this for her or at least talk about it and role play some, she is now having trouble getting aroused for you.*

How would that make you feel towards your wife?

Badsanta


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

badsanta said:


> You may find it helpful to try and imagine a role-reversal in your head. Imagine that it is your wife but NOT you that has this fantasy of you becoming a hothusband for her! She found out the neighbor's husband was sleeping around, and now she wants you to start doing the same thing. In particular she wants you to hook up with someone of her choice and bring her in the bedroom for her to watch the two of you. In particular she wants to see you with am alpha woman that will dominate you, toss you around the bedroom, and leave the scene with you spinning around passed out on the ceiling fan. *If you don't do this for her or at least talk about it and role play some, she is now having trouble getting aroused for you.*
> 
> How would that make you feel towards your wife?
> 
> Badsanta


I'm not saying I'd do it but I wouldn't offended. Also, I'm in my late 30's, the testosterone has dropped and my penis doesn't run the show 24-7, at 22 I would have walk 10 miles over hot coals for the chance to sleep with any attractive woman and would have cared less about any kinks she had.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

If your wife doesn't want to do it anymore then stop, don't push her into it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it. 

So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

There is a relevant TED talk on monogomish or Monogomy 2.0. She talks about the fantasy and how to explore it as a couple so that you don't violate your joint boundaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=0sYguTPLpHE

You can skip ahead to the 9 minute mark for thoughts without actions, actions without touch, and then touch without violating your marriage vows.

Not really a great idea, but if it is your thing and her thing, then check it out. It is more about a FMF, but the same concepts apply.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> If your wife doesn't want to do it anymore then stop, don't push her into it.


Did you read my original question?



dsmith2017 said:


> I'm trying to gain some insight/information on the subject. Anytime I search Google it's information from a porn sites, not the most reliable place for honest information.
> 
> Background
> We are in our late 30's, married 16 years, together 18. Early on in our relation, not often but usually after a night of drinking, the hotwife thing would come in bed. We use to be pretty open about fantasies and curiosities but once we started a family,all that talk stopped. My wife has grown pretty conservative over the years. A few weeks ago I was restoring a friend's laptop, honestly, I wasn't snooping but I found out they have explored the fantasy. It's kicked the fantasy in overdrive for me.I'm unsure whether to attempt to tell my wife. I don't want to upset her.
> ...


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it.
> 
> So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?


Someone more wholesome like tying people up lol


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> There is a relevant TED talk on monogomish or Monogomy 2.0. She talks about the fantasy and how to explore it as a couple so that you don't violate your joint boundaries.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=0sYguTPLpHE
> 
> ...


Thanks for the link


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I think it's a bad idea, but here is how I would approach it. If I were into this, I would simply ask my wife to tell me about her fantasies. I would ask her to be honest and don't worry about hurting your feelings. If one of her fantasies is the hot wife or MFM thing, then ask her if she would ever want to make it a reality. Tell her you can start very slowly and see how it progresses. At any point you can back away if EITHER of you feels threatened. 

Just understand that once a deed is done, you cannot undo it. You can never unsee what you have seen. Lastly, it's not unheard of for emotions to get tangled when you do this. Just be careful.

Again, I would highly recommend seeking other options than opening your marriage in this way. 

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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SunCMars said:


> A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love.
> 100% of her respect.
> 100% of her compliments.
> 100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
> ...


Yeah, this.

You really have only one option, and that's wait and see if SHE ever brings it up again. You never know. But ANY kind of pressure from you, even hinting to her that you're still into this, makes it somewhat unlikely.

Now that you have a family, it's almost certain these old fantasies and talk of roleplay have diminished or outright disappeared. Prior to having children (and presumably back when you two were in your 20's) these types of things probably seemed interesting to her, and worthy of consideration. OR it was all simply talk on her behalf, with no intentions of actually following through. Just a bit of dirty talk.

Best case scenario, you wait until you're empty-nesters to even mention this topic again. IF she's at all interested in it, it would be when the parental responsibilities have more or less ended.

If you simply can not wait and have zero restraint with this, then see if she'd be into something like chatroulette (webcam based chat). Other men or couples can then, safely and from a distance, 'admire' your wife (and/or you).

I have very mild exhibitionist tendencies - something I've never admitted to anybody, ever. They're not strong enough to act upon (in any way, shape or form, except with my wife. If she catches me masturbating, it's exciting to me, and she'll almost always join in), and it's something I rarely even think about, but they're there. My wife certainly would not have any interest in this, whatsoever, and I wouldn't bother to even ask, I just know. However, if I knew my wife/partner had similar interests, I would have no problem - as long as it's anonymous. Sites like those seem to cater to that demographic, in which men, women and couples can view each other, anonymously. Wearing a mask or manouevering your camera in a way which doesn't show your face, for example.

But again, if your wife shows NO interest in this sort of thing whatsoever, best not to bring it up. As others have said, she may view this as objectification (which it is).


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

I spent over 250 hours trying to save a hotwife relationship. I am not good at many things but I understand this completely. It's generally a very very bad idea. For every situation that works out there are three that do not. The big issue isn't the marriage ending, it's resentment and stress that whittles away the marriage until it's a shell of what it once was.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

I don't think there is a faster way to get your wife to stop respecting you and check out than lending her out to other dudes like a VHS from blockbuster.

Seriously OP, get some counseling on why you get off on being emasculated.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

BetrayedDad said:


> I don't think this is a fastest way to get your wife to stop respecting you and check out than lending her out to other dudes like a VHS from blockbuster.
> 
> Seriously OP, get some counseling on why you get off on being emasculated.


Counseling because I had a thought, I've done nothing or mentioned it to no one.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

dsmith2017 said:


> Counseling because I had a thought, I've done nothing or mentioned it to no one.


Your thoughts aren't healthy for any man. You should be PROTECTIVE of your woman.

Not wanting to pass her around like free candy. Most women don't find that attractive either.

Don't you think it's better to nip it in the bud before you regret your actions down the road?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You need to lay off the **** porn.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

BetrayedDad said:


> Your thoughts aren't healthy for any man. You should be PROTECTIVE of your woman.
> 
> Not wanting to pass her around like free candy. Most women don't find that attractive either.
> 
> Don't you think it's better to nip it in the bud before you regret your actions down the road?


I'm a big strong man, I don't own anyone and I'm comfortable with my sexuality.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> A monogamous relationship rewards the husband with 100% percent of his wife's love.
> 100% of her respect.
> 100% of her compliments.
> 100% of her physical and mental enjoyment.
> ...


Yeah... but how many monogamous marriages still end up destroyed because one-half of the married couple decided to have sex wtih co-workers?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it.
> 
> So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?


Well... those divorce numbers are about the same for "mono" couples as well. "half of them got divorced" by researchers estimates... marriages still have %50 chance of divorce. Also, more conservative states have higher divorce rates.

Being a "conservative" (both the political sense and not) - doesn't inoculate from cheating and divorce. If the couple is not communicating, their marriage is weakened.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

There is no way to get stats on this but from actually having worked with a number of hotwife couples I can tell you that the outcome of ruined marriages in that lifestyle is VERY high.

Also take into consideration that most people getting into that kink feel that they have a strong marriage to start. So even if there is an equal rate of failures, the failure will he harder and faster.

It's just a bad bad bad idea. Usually the kink is a result of trauma, such as being cheated on, since many feel that some kinks are the manifestations of fears. Like you were so damaged from cheating that you specialized it. Another take is the Freudian take that a hotwife husband is a repressed homosexual or bisexual living vicariously through one's female counterpart.

There are 'safe' reasons to, but you should seek counseling to really get to the bottom of these feelings first


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

hotwife and cuckold are similar but still different. With cuckold - the man is looking at getting off on being abused. I used to know a guy who is only allowed to have intercourse with his wife about once every 6 months or so - if he's been good. She on the other hand, has sex with guys all the time, easily 2+ times a week. He can't masturbate. He may be able to go down on her, if she allows it. Keeps in penis in a cage and padlock (That is a THING ) search "penis in a cage" Amazon sells them for $25~125. (No I DON'T have one) - what he is into and the cage this is... not my circus, not my monkeys. They have been married for 15+ years, totally in love with his wife. They did not start out that way, only in the past 4~5 years I'm guessing.

In the past 12 months, I know of 4 open-relationship couples (not including my own - which we have been mono since coming back together) that have broken up. 3 of them had nothing to do with cheating. 1 did, and they went to counseling and are back together. I never asked if they are still open relationship.

Seems like you are talking more of 3some.

As other have said... you're opening a pandora's box that you may not be able to close. Your gamble. You may go to another site, which is pro hotwifing (I didn't know about such a thing until this place) and you may change your mind and you try out some feelers next month or year. You can do you best with ground rules - but that doesn't keep things from falling apart. Also, many times - the man who wanted the fantasy, has a freakout when it actually happens.

#1 If you ever do this : lots of research about communications. I cannot stress that.
#2 refer to #1
#3 If you do this... then no more than 1-2 times a year. kind of like The Purge or Holloween night.
#4 Pandora's box: You bring it up "Remember our fantasies when we were young?" She says "NO". But she thinks about it... There is the new guy in Accounting that's a hunk. And then comes back says she is considering. You say "All right!" - She says "Give me a while to find someone"

Then she is having an affair and your marriage is dying.

Consider the strip clubs perhaps.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

@eric1 : where you able to help out your friend? 250hours is a lot
@heartbroken50 : my wife is very bisexual. We've gone to stripper clubs it in the past a few times and plan to do it some more, but right now its not on our radar of things to do anytime soon. she is sometimes a chick magnet.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

I forgot to add... perhaps look at OTHER kinky things you can do with your wife. There are kink parties or events, but that doesn't mean you both have to have sex with others. And easily HALF the people I know that are into BDSM / kinky lifestyles are "conservatives".


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Just understand that once a deed is done, you cannot undo it. You can never unsee what you have seen. Lastly, it's not unheard of for *emotions *to get tangled when you do this. Just be careful.
> 
> Again, I would highly recommend seeking other options than opening your marriage in this way.


It starts off as just physical sex, but then the wife starts seeing the lover as the dominant male, and the husband as lesser sexual rank. Then she start having feelings of love for the new man, while having feelings of disgust for her husband who is acting so weird. then ....the inevitable happens, and you are sleeping on the couch as you hear her banging the BF in your bedroom


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> Someone more wholesome like tying people up lol


yes, exactly.

IF the choice is between:
Cheating, hotwifing, cuckolding, threesomes, bisexual experiences outside of the marriage

AND

Bondage, role play, dress up, sexual toys, vouyerism, S&M, and so on all monogamously within the marriage....

Yes the latter is FAR PREFERRED than the former.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

TaDor said:


> @eric1 : where you able to help out your friend? 250hours is a lot
> 
> 
> @heartbroken50 : my wife is very bisexual. We've gone to stripper clubs it in the past a few times and plan to do it some more, but right now its not on our radar of things to do anytime soon. she is sometimes a chick magnet.




I did. It was an incredible amount of work and there was some luck involved, but the important lessons that I've learned here and other places were put into full effect. The 'system' works great. 

I also personally completely and utterly destroyed his wife's boyfriend. You read so many of these stories and you know the right advice is to have the betrayed concentrate on their waywards, but man oh man did it feel good relieving my buddy of that struggle.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> It starts off as just physical sex, but then the wife starts seeing the lover as the dominant male, and the husband as lesser sexual rank. Then she start having feelings of love for the new man, while having feelings of disgust for her husband who is acting so weird. then ....the inevitable happens, and you are sleeping on the couch as you hear her banging the BF in your bedroom




In many cases this is exactly the case. If there is even kind of a kink in communication the marriage WILL end. Sex is the second best bonding agent in the world, next to having a child together. 

I'm very involved in that stuff since working with my buddy on that. People think that it can work but most couldn't make it work if they tried. It takes an extremely rare couple made up of rare individuals in the right rare situation.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

TaDor said:


> hotwife and cuckold are similar but still different. With cuckold - the man is looking at getting off on being abused. I used to know a guy who is only allowed to have intercourse with his wife about once every 6 months or so - if he's been good. She on the other hand, has sex with guys all the time, easily 2+ times a week. He can't masturbate. He may be able to go down on her, if she allows it. Keeps in penis in a cage and padlock (That is a THING ) search "penis in a cage" Amazon sells them for $25~125. (No I DON'T have one) - what he is into and the cage this is... not my circus, not my monkeys. They have been married for 15+ years, totally in love with his wife. They did not start out that way, only in the past 4~5 years I'm guessing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




This stuff is honestly the pure devil being involved in your marriage.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

? ? ? Funny, in real life and here on TAM - I see religious christians having affairs. The relationship with my wife is A LOT healthier than those of many others I see around me.

And for that, I am thankful.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

dsmith2017 said:


> I'm a big strong man, I don't own anyone and I'm comfortable with my sexuality.


Shrug... You've made up your mind so good luck. It's your life friend. Just offering you my two cents. 

I hope she still respects you when Chad's ramming her like a jack hammer and busting his nut everywhere.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

BetrayedDad said:


> Shrug... You've made up your mind so good luck. It's your life friend. Just offering you my two cents.
> 
> I hope she still respects you when Chad's ramming her like a jack hammer and busting his nut everywhere.


You sound like you are into the cuckold thing. To each their own but the humiliation and some of the other stuff that goes with that isn't my thing, notice the thread tittle, "hotwife fantasy" there is a difference between that and "cuckolding" and there are extremes with everything.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

dsmith2017 said:


> You sound like you are into the cuckold thing. To each their own but the humiliation and some of the other stuff that goes with that isn't my thing, notice the thread tittle, "hotwife fantasy" there is a difference between that and "cuckolding" and there are extremes with everything.


It is a matter of definition. In my opinion it's a spectrum, with hot-wifing on the low-end and pure out and out cuckold-shaming and gang-bangs on the other. But it's all the same to many of us. 

I guess it boils down to how much you yourself would participate. I guess if you and the other guy were spit-roasting your wife that would be a regular MFM threesome..not hotwifing. Maybe "hot-wifing" as you define it is where you sit back with your camera and record your wife banging a dude on the bed without your participation. I don't know. 

So you are against the thought of being cuckolded as Tador defines it?


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

bandit.45 said:


> It is a matter of definition. In my opinion it's a spectrum, with hot-wifing on the low-end and pure out and out cuckold-shaming and gang-bangs on the other. But it's all the same to many of us.
> 
> I guess it boils down to how much you yourself would participate. I guess if you and the other guy were spit-roasting your wife that would be a regular MFM threesome..not hotwifing. Maybe "hot-wifing" as you define it is where you sit back with your camera and record your wife banging a dude on the bed without your participation. I don't know.
> 
> So you are against the thought of being cuckolded as Tador defines it?


Not into the **** stuff, more like what he describe below. 



TaDor said:


> #1 If you ever do this : lots of research about communications. I cannot stress that.
> #2 refer to #1
> #3 If you do this... then no more than 1-2 times a year. kind of like The Purge or Holloween night.
> #4 Pandora's box: You bring it up "Remember our fantasies when we were young?" She says "NO". But she thinks about it... There is the new guy in Accounting that's a hunk. And then comes back says she is considering. You say "All right!" - She says "Give me a while to find someone"
> ...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hmmmm. I still think you are playing with fire. I think you need to find other ways to spice it up in the bedroom. Why not a little light bondage, or dress up as a high school letterman and have her dress up as a school librarian and....


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

dsmith2017 said:


> You sound like you are into the cuckold thing. To each their own but the humiliation and some of the other stuff that goes with that isn't my thing, notice the thread tittle, "hotwife fantasy" there is a difference between that and "cuckolding" and there are extremes with everything.


If your fantasy at any point involves another man touching your wife and you deriving enjoyment from that....

Then you're a ****. Or in this case a wannabe **** since it hasn't happened yet. 

I don't know what else to tell you. I mean if I missed something here, please enlighten me.

You can't be "a little bit of a cuckold". You either are or you're not. So which is it?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> I'm trying to gain some insight/information on the subject. Anytime I search Google it's information from a porn sites, not the most reliable place for honest information.
> 
> Background
> We are in our late 30's, married 16 years, together 18. Early on in our relation, not often but usually after a night of drinking, the hotwife thing would come in bed. We use to be pretty open about fantasies and curiosities but once we started a family,all that talk stopped. My wife has grown pretty conservative over the years. A few weeks ago I was restoring a friend's laptop, honestly, I wasn't snooping but I found out they have explored the fantasy. It's kicked the fantasy in overdrive for me.I'm unsure whether to attempt to tell my wife. I don't want to upset her.
> ...


Just because someone else does something doesn't man you have to. Don't let that make you discontent with your wife.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

There is a reason why the biggest forum of this kink on the internet is both cuckold and hotwife. They're effectively the same thing.

I have had hundreds of hours of counseling on this exact topic, I'm reasonably certain that I'm not off base


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Leave the fantasy alone. It never turns out the way you expect it to. Leave that can of worms unopened.

Several examples on here of a former "typical" wife really getting into the husbands fantasy then ends up looking for a male to satisfy her "fantasy" leaving her idiot husband on the sidelines trying to understand how it happened.

Be careful what you ask for, you might get it, and more that you didn't want.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

A slightly different view on why this is often a bad idea.

Some men like the idea of this event because it makes them feel powerful. They tell themselves that they control this valuable resource (their wife) and that they have the power to grant this valuable resource to other men. This is totally and completely false, and incredibly insulting to their wife. The husband in this situation has no control and no power. All the power and control belongs to his wife (as it should). He is asking her to use her power and control to provide a benefit to another man. If she does not enjoy this, the husband has asked her to do something unpleasant. Never a good idea. If she does enjoy this, she may decide to exercise her power and control to make it happen again. At which point the husband will realize (too late, and to his chagrin) that he never had the power and control in the first place.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Hmmmm. I still think you are playing with fire. I think you need to find other ways to spice it up in the bedroom. Why not a little light bondage, or dress up as a high school letterman and have her dress up as a school librarian and....


Fox or rabbit.... furries....


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Holdingontoit said:


> A slightly different view on why this is often a bad idea.
> 
> 
> 
> Some men like the idea of this event because it makes them feel powerful. They tell themselves that they control this valuable resource (their wife) and that they have the power to grant this valuable resource to other men. This is totally and completely false, and incredibly insulting to their wife. The husband in this situation has no control and no power. All the power and control belongs to his wife (as it should). He is asking her to use her power and control to provide a benefit to another man. If she does not enjoy this, the husband has asked her to do something unpleasant. Never a good idea. If she does enjoy this, she may decide to exercise her power and control to make it happen again. At which point the husband will realize (too late, and to his chagrin) that he never had the power and control in the first place.




This is basically what happened to my friend. Power was how his kink manifested itself. He exerted power over his wife. She was objectified. Resentment grew. Communication broke down. She met a guy who was GOOD at wedging, seemed like an angel to her and even my buddy. I knew better. My buddy was like a frog boiling in water. Wife's resentment grew. My buddy now had a growing kink because he was losing power yet he kept lying to himself about how powerful he was with her continually 'returning' to him. Well, she did keep returning to him but she ceased being his wife and began being the woman he provided for and allowed her to live her life. Deep down he knew the deal and it wasn't until I was able to punch him in the face with facts that he began to see religion. It took over two years to get her away from that guy. My buddy did put his foot down then it became cheating. Used every damn hint I ever got from here, SI and real life and finally finally finally blew it up.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I'd be VERY but VERY turned *off* if my SO thought of sharing me with anyone else. 
Doesn't he appreciate me enough to have me only for him, exclusively?
Doesn't he feel special if I give my whole body to him and only to him? 
What if I start to like the other man more than my SO? 

Don't you think all of these? 

It's not even my fantasy to share my SO with anyone else, let alone make it a reality.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> i do not recall the source, but i remember only 5% of all people getting into this lifestyle, and after 5 years, half of them got divorced. The other half, i assume, enjoyed it.
> 
> So do you really want to roll those dice? How about some nice bondage instead?


Frankly, half of all marriages end in divorce.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, I don't see why not. Okay. I have a recurring fantasy, and I have shared it with my fiance. He likes it, but sometimes he doesn't. My fantasy is to imagine him sleeping with his exes. lol Idk why. I don't know these past women he's dated, they're faceless in my fantasy, but I like him to tell stories about his exes. He doesn't like it sometimes, because he feels that I'm not focusing on ''us.'' Which isn't true, I am, but there's something very sexy to me about imagining him with other women. So, your wife may come back at you with ''why do you ''need'' this ...aren't I enough?'' So be ready for that question.  (My fiance is SO enough, but there is something hot to me about thinking about him with other women. ONLY in fantasy, I would be heartbroken of course if he slept with other women)


Oh my gosh, this is so me! My gf is freaking hot in the bedroom. She's a kinkster who hasn't been with a ton of other women, but she's had a ton of sex with the ones she was with. One of my hottest fantasies (and yes, it's fantasy only) is of her banging her exes. And I do know their names and what they were doing together. We are both kinky and pretty frank about talking about past sex and fantasies.

She finds it a tiny bit odd that I get off on this particular thing, but she's okay with it, lol. It's not her fantasy where I'm concerned, but it's not a big deal, because we both know it's fantasy. 

dsmith's wife might never be on board with this fantasy and it doesn't sound like he will push for it in that case.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

introvert said:


> Oh my gosh, this is so me! My gf is freaking hot in the bedroom. She's a kinkster who hasn't been with a ton of other women, but she's had a ton of sex with the ones she was with. One of my hottest fantasies (and yes, it's fantasy only) is of her banging her exes. And I do know their names and what they were doing together. We are both kinky and pretty frank about talking about past sex and fantasies.
> 
> She finds it a tiny bit odd that I get off on this particular thing, but she's okay with it, lol. It's not her fantasy where I'm concerned, but it's not a big deal, because we both know it's fantasy.
> 
> dsmith's wife might never be on board with this fantasy and it doesn't sound like he will push for it in that case.


Is it weird that I ''liked'' your comment? 0 LOL

Glad I'm not alone in this fetish, I think? lol


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Is it weird that I ''liked'' your comment? 0 LOL
> 
> Glad I'm not alone in this fetish, I think? lol


Isn't there a quote in the bible that says there is nothing new under the sun? LOL! 

You are definitely not alone...


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

The Bible and this conversation...hmmm....lol


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> The Bible and this conversation...hmmm....lol


I know, I couldn't help myself!


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## Malbion (Nov 5, 2016)

As long as you both feel ok about this then it can become the most satisfying and fulfilling lifestyle imaginable. It is extremely important that neither of you are in the slightest way jealous however. Otherwise you can both have so much fun in this lifestyle.

:smile2::x


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife and I only played with others as a couple. That brought us into contact with married couples who had all sorts of arrangements like hot wives, cuckolding, open marriages or just one spouse could play, etc.. We saw the drama and divorces among them and got scared off from it. Rules or not, when emotions come into play, humans tend to make bad decisions. My best friend kept on seeing a girl that he and his wife had a threesome with. Their rule was no dating outside of the threesome but he did and even when caught, kept on doing it.

Our girlfriend's husband was married to a hot wife and after 2 years she traded him in for a better mode. He is a doctor. His wife was our girlfriend with full permission from him. She asked us 3 times if she could leave her husband and move in with us full time. We do not break up marriages, so we said no each time which is why she is not with us now after 30 years of being our girlfriend.

I can give you lots of stories due to our lifestyle. Keep in mind that in your fantasy you feel no emotions but in real life you are flooded with emotions and not just arousal. Jealousy can sneak up on your without notice. Also remember that you cannot make your wife and the other guy perform like puppets for you, so it will not go as you imagine it. I had one guy who wanted to watch me with his wife. He freaked out before I even got his wife's clothes off. Seems that in his fantasy version, his wife and I did all the things that turned him on but in real life we did not follow his mental script.

When you bring others into your sex life you are entering a minefield with more mines than fields. Our poly triad worked because it was not another alpha male for me to compete with. Alpha men want all the girls to themselves. Our girlfriend is a woman that my wife and I knew since our teen years whom we both loved and treated like family even before we made it sexual with her. 

Reality is much different than fantasy. In real life you have guys who do not want to use condoms, sneak them off after putting them on, and not every guy your wife meets has a big penis and can go for hours. That is porn stuff. In real life you got guys who cannot get it up, ejaculate very quickly, smell, are too rough, treat your wife like a piece of meat, have small penises, have large penises and think that is all they need to bring to bed with them. Some will even think that just because your wife had sex with them, she is now their girlfriend and stalk her for months. I came home one day and found two guys loitering in front of the house that I shared with my girlfriend, waiting for her to come home. Maybe they saw her driver's license when she was using the bathroom or maybe she told them or they simply looked it up online but they knew where she lived.

I can also say that if anyone finds out, they are not going to think you are cool for doing it. As I learned the hard way, even good friends will laugh at you and talk trash about you behind your back. They will think your marriage is in trouble. Do not buy the idea that it builds trust. You are actually avoiding trust issues by making what would destroy trust, OK. She cannot cheat if she has your permission. BTW, unless you are there watching, which most wives actually do not like since it inhibits both them and the guy, wives will do anything even if it is against their husband's rules. I have heard a few wives call their husbands after we had sex and what they described had little resemblance to what actually went on. I had bareback sex with all of them even though they were not supposed to. I am sterile so no pregnancy fears but they took my word for it and also that I was STD free. I got my one and only STD from a hot wife who did not know that her husband was cheating on her. He infected her and she infected me and I infected my wife. Could have been worse if I infected our girlfriend and she infected her husband or any of the other guys she was having sex with.

As I said about my marriage in the past, my wife could not cheat on me since there was no rule about her having sex with others. What am I trusting? That she will have sex with others and then always come back to me. That sounds good, but in real life that does not always happen. Also note that if you read articles by sex therapist and psychologist, more than half the husbands into this are latent bisexuals. I agree with this after hearing it from their wives who say that their husbands spend hours looking at penises on line and are more into them than they are. Not saying you are bi. I had sex with two guys and am not bi. However, my wife let me have sex with other women because she was a latent bisexual who took years to realize it. By hearing what I did or having sex with me when I smelled and tasted of another women, she was using me as a proxy for her actually being with another woman. For guys like you and me, it is all about the sperm competition which makes sex with your spouse very intense for weeks. At the dawn of man, men shared women which is why women are able to have orgasm after orgasm. The men would watch and get aroused by it waiting for their turn. There were no marriages among cavemen despite what we see in the movies. Our arousal of being with a woman after she was with other men is genetic and why so many like it. 

While having sex with other women , sure enough I fell in love with a girl that I spent one night with and continued to see her until I left my wife. I came to my senses a month later and got back with my wife. I have a great wife who shares her girlfriends with me and yet I was overcome with attraction to someone else for some reason. Too dangerous for us and we just stuck to FFM threesomes after that.

One relatively safe game is to have your wife dress sex and sit at a bar and watch guys hitting on her even though she has her wedding band on. At a club you can enjoy watching her dance with other guys and do a little dirty dancing. At the end of the night she returns to you for the last dance before going home and talking about which guy turned her on and why. A little butt and breast touching was allowed and often my wife would feel the man press his erection against her. That was it though. We never took anyone home with us. What we did and saw made sex intense for weeks. We especially had fun on vacations where my wife's wardrobe was mostly from Frederick's of Hollywood. Sometimes she looked like a call girl. Guys were all over her but she knows how to handle herself and if a guy offered to buy her a drink she would tell them that she is married and waiting for her husband to arrive after work. If they still offered the drink, she would take it. If I saw it getting to hot and heavy, I made my appearance and my wife would introduce me to her new friend. I would thank him for the drinks and even offer to buy him one. Never a problem if handled correctly.

My advice is to keep it a fantasy. Trust is trust until the day it is not. If I had a dime for every couple who said that their marriage is strong and they have great trust in each other, and then divorced due to one or both having other lovers, I would have almost a dollar. It is a dangerous game unlike what you read, see or hear online. It destroyed the marriages of our friends and almost mine. Just try to find a real couple who is into that and also into a long married into their old age. Online you will find anything you can think of but in real life they are as rare as hen's teeth. We have yet to find a couple married as long as us who has some form of non monogamous marriage. They all are on second and third wives. It is your life and your choice. I am just telling you the reality of it and I do not think it is worth it. As I got older I got wiser and good thing too because I stopped all those things that were ruining the marriages of our friends and even our siblings.

Now in my old age I cannot imagine my wife being intimate with other men. We have been monogamous for the last 7 years. However, there is still a big difference in our libidos. Post menopausal women tend to lost their sex drive. My wife's attitude has changed post menopause. When she was able to sexually satisfy me whenever I wanted to, she did not feel threatened by other women. Now she does since she cannot show me that she is still the best. I do not regret our life. It was a lot of fun with a lot of pleasure. I miss my old life often but given our age and medical problems, monogamy is better suited to our current situation.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think I'll just stick to monogamy. Group sex is too complicated. Complicated sex for complicated, drama-loving people.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

If you google the top ten sexual fantasies of BOTH men and women, you will find that the "hotwife" thing appears in the top ten for MEN , and the restrained or "rape" appears for WOMEN.

However, that being said, there is a big difference from what are "erotic scenerios" to share in bed, and acting out fantasies.

So buddy, before you go down that path, you might want to read some more, and read a two books called "Opening Up", and "More Than Two". Your "hotwife fantasy will be described in both of them, along with the problems you will most likely encounter.

So here are some simple things you might want to know
(1) in any non monogamous relationship in any format you want to enter, WOMEN hold ALL the power. Your wife will have absolutely no problem finding men who are even excited that she is married and it is no strings sex.
(2) do not bet on her not becoming emotionally involved with any of them. You can make rules, but just like in monogamy, these rules and boundaries are busted and breached. Women in most, not all, cases become emotionally involved with their sexual partners, and don't count on being able to put the genie back in the bottle so easily if YOU decide that you are not handling this fantasy as great as you think you will.
(3) better think real careful who you choose for this little experiment. Major issues can occur if it is friend, business associate, and if it is a stranger, are you comfortable with your wife meeting total stranger alone in hotel??? Not all will want you around. And neither may your wife.

Now, there are tons of other stuff you need to know but my only suggestion is you better understand that you will not control the outcome, your wife will. if you can accept that and the possibility of blowing up your marriage, proceed at warp speed ahead. just do not go in blinded. And read the damm books.

I, unfortunately, had the experience of reading them when I was told by my at the time delusional wife that we should consider having an open marriage. Youre heading for a cliff. Make sure you have a parachute.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> I think I'll just stick to monogamy. Group sex is too complicated. Complicated sex for complicated, drama-loving people.


I so agree, a monogamous marriage is THE BEST. A husband who is faithful is THE BEST.:x


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> Is it weird that I ''liked'' your comment? 0 LOL
> 
> Glad I'm not alone in this fetish, I think? lol


I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.

But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

TaDor said:


> I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.
> 
> But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.


lol Yes, there are some threads on here about that. :scratchhead:


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TaDor said:


> I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.
> 
> But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.


I think its great that people wait for marriage though.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

That's sweet. Luckily - that's an opinion and I'll go with reality and what usually happens. But whatever works for you.

In the "good old" days of sex before marriage (was more fantasy than reality) - it was a stronger desire to get married younger because of sexual desire and stigma that sex is a "dirty thing"... even today, we have married couples who have been taught that sex is so nasty, that they may do it a few times just to have offspring. Ugh. But there are problems with that, especially in the modern world... in which most Marriage b4 sex comes from arranged marriages such as those in the middle east... sexual compatibility and sexual orientation.

- Thus, a lot of gay people married into something they realized, didn't do it for them. A husband that wanted other men and a wife who didn't have a husband that was into having sex with them. Its forced cheating and is unfair to both, but especially the spouse who doesn't/didn't know.

- Compatibility... That is when you find out how the parts fit... maybe his penis is TOO BIG or too small? Maybe she doesn't enjoy certain things. But that's okay in the old-days when women were more property than an equal part of the marriage. He does his thing, and that is all that matters. What if she wants to receive oral too? What if he demands anal sex - either direction. What if she wants 5 min sex and he wants 50min sex? Then you are "stuck" with that person till someone dies... and people were (and still) get killed to avoid divorce.

Thank God I didn't have kids or marry any of the women in my past... I'd be miserable or they would. Some were incompatible in the sex department. Sorry - but if a woman just lays there like a dead body, it just doesn't work for me, that happened to me once, and that was one too many women for me. A woman who I thought would be GOOD GF material, well - we both knew that we were not compatible in the bedroom after the 2nd time. We never talked about it - we just stopped talking and seeing each other. I'd rather cuddle with my wife without having sex - in the nude, than have sex with that particular woman again. If it was a marriage before sex, we both would not be happy. But she had one kid before me and two kids after me - so obviously she found someone that worked out.

Men and women come in different shapes and sizes and that rings true for their privates. There are vaginas I like and those I do not. What I don't like - a friend does... same goes for breasts, nipple sizes, etc, etc.
An exGF of a few months - sorry to say, I could never stand her bush... it was a forest. I never could enjoy it... and not all women have the same kind of bush.

So yeah... folks. By all means, play the field - find what you like in a person both inside and outside the bedroom.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

That might have come across harsher than I meant. I mean, if a couple wants to wait until marriage before sex... that is their choice, no skin off my back. It's fine. I think it's better to make sure things work sexually as well.

An friend from my past a LONG time ago was a virgin. Some friends, including myself were concerned that he will marry the first woman who pops his cherry and it'll be bad. I think he was about 22~23 years old. Got married within a year. Kinda wasn't around much and when he was about a year later - he wasn't happy. He said some rather harsh words about her to us - that wasn't love. I've never talked about my wife that way (other than during/about her affair). Hell, one time - I think my friend's wife was trying to get me to see her alone once (and only one time). I called up, wanting to meet up with him and she invited me to "come over" and hang out until he came home. It felt strange how she said it and I declined. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. He was a very religious and very clean-cut guy.

Anyway. Vinnydee had made some excellent points about open marriage and such. While I *could* handle it - my other half did not... the fallout wasn't worth it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TaDor said:


> That might have come across harsher than I meant. I mean, if a couple wants to wait until marriage before sex... that is their choice, no skin off my back. It's fine. I think it's better to make sure things work sexually as well.
> 
> An friend from my past a LONG time ago was a virgin. Some friends, including myself were concerned that he will marry the first woman who pops his cherry and it'll be bad. I think he was about 22~23 years old. Got married within a year. Kinda wasn't around much and when he was about a year later - he wasn't happy. He said some rather harsh words about her to us - that wasn't love. I've never talked about my wife that way (other than during/about her affair). Hell, one time - I think my friend's wife was trying to get me to see her alone once (and only one time). I called up, wanting to meet up with him and she invited me to "come over" and hang out until he came home. It felt strange how she said it and I declined. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. He was a very religious and very clean-cut guy.
> 
> Anyway. Vinnydee had made some excellent points about open marriage and such. While I *could* handle it - my other half did not... the fallout wasn't worth it.


I know loads of couples who waited till marriage to have sex, many are still happily married after 30-40 and more years. We waited as well, we had both been married before but we didn't have sex till we married. We have a great marriage. I wouldn't be interested in a guy who had had many partners before, or who wouldn't wait till marriage.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

That still puts them in their mid 60s+. And by all means, that's cool and all. But the cheating from M before S couples still happened, eh? I know a few couples who are 60~70+ yr old who have been married 40~50 years and are in an open marriage. So who's right? Both.

To a realistic degree - you and your husband did have sex before marriage since you both are married for the 2nd time. Something went wrong... correct?

I know it's easy for women to "fall in love". I've had so many who did, when they knew so little about me or my feelings. Then again, there are guys who do that too - wanting to marry someone before the date was even over.

Since much of the modern world allows people to divorce without someone getting killed. Everyone knows they have options. And women having more rights (Not yet Equal rights) - they can support themselves, not need "a man" in their lives - especially if they are abusive or cheating. In many 3rd world countries, a husband can beat and rape his wife - she is his property. She would have difficulty getting a divorce, if at all. So that has been a factor in the western world since the 70s as such freedoms have been fought to have.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TaDor said:


> That still puts them in their mid 60s+. And by all means, that's cool and all. But the cheating from M before S couples still happened, eh? I know a few couples who are 60~70+ yr old who have been married 40~50 years and are in an open marriage. So who's right? Both.
> 
> To a realistic degree - you and your husband did have sex before marriage since you both are married for the 2nd time. Something went wrong... correct?
> 
> ...


I have never known of a single couple with an open marriage. Its very rare. I dont see the point in being married unless you are going to be faithful. 
Yes we were married before, both for a long time, but we didn't have sex with each other before we married. 
Women in the west do have equal rights.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She obviously isn't into it.

Drop it.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Actually, you probably know some people who are in an open marriage - but they aren't telling you. In various studies, about 4~6% of the population admits to being in an open marriage. That is far less than about 60% men have or will cheat on their wives. There are about 62million married couples in the USA. 5% of them = 3.1 million married couples are in open relationships (6.2Million+ people). But that could be higher since even anonymously, people tend to not admit things.

The original function of marriage is property. When you died, you had offspring to have your stuff. Men having more than one wife was common all over the world thousands of years ago. Did it mean he was cheating? And as we know, being married doesn't keep anyone faithful. With some people cheating days before, days after and even day of the wedding. Getting married out of "love" is a more recent and current version in the west. In some cultures - is it really "love" when a 12yr old girl is arranged-married to 60yr old man? It's a business transaction... and unfortunately, it happens way more than it should.

In countries like England and Germany, women have more equal rights than those in the USA - hell, the USA isn't even in the top 10.
So no - in the USA - women DO NOT have equal rights. That is what the ERA was for. Women don't get paid as much. Men are writing laws that control women. Women are at a disadvantage. Guess who voted against women rights (but women also voted against themselves)?

Wait, Women Don't Have Equal Rights in the United States? | The Huffington Post


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

No I dont know anyone who is in an open marriage, because those I know believe in faithfulness and integrity. 
I believe about 50% of married people will cheat at some point, but that still leaves a massive number who never do and I respect them for it. its takes integrity to be faithful.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Marital age counts for a lot. Marrying as a virgin shortly after puberty is one thing. Expecting people to spend a decade or two of their prime sexual maturity in a state of voluntary celibacy is unrealistic. I'd have a tough time believing anyone who succeeded wasn't simply LD, particularly if they made it look easy.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> No I dont know anyone who is in an open marriage, because those I know believe in faithfulness and integrity.
> I believe about 50% of married people will cheat at some point, but that still leaves a massive number who never do and I respect them for it. its takes integrity to be faithful.


I don't know anyone who was married and is now remarried.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

dsmith2017 said:


> I don't know anyone who was married and is now remarried.


 Dont you? You are lucky, I know loads.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> No I dont know anyone who is in an open marriage, because those I know believe in faithfulness and integrity.
> I believe about 50% of married people will cheat at some point, but that still leaves a massive number who never do and I respect them for it. its takes integrity to be faithful.


I didn't say you knew people who are in open marriages. I said, you likely know someone - and that they are or were or will be in an open relationship, but you just don't know. Unless you are in the bedroom of every single person you know or met - you can't confirm.

I know things about various people's sex lives - but to others, they are the sweet / innocent / professional person that they only know. Most people do not know that I have floggers, handcuffs and other sexy toys I've used on women and of course - my wife. I know others like that too. But I've never laid a hand on my wife in anger and have been faithful to her. I don't have a bumper sticker that says "I spank my wife blindfolded"... wouldn't be exactly cool at the school's dropoff... eh?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

TaDor said:


> I didn't say you knew people who are in open marriages. I said, you likely know someone - and that they are or were or will be in an open relationship, but you just don't know. Unless you are in the bedroom of every single person you know or met - you can't confirm.
> 
> I know things about various people's sex lives - but to others, they are the sweet / innocent / professional person that they only know. Most people do not know that I have floggers, handcuffs and other sexy toys I've used on women and of course - my wife. I know others like that too. But I've never laid a hand on my wife in anger and have been faithful to her. I don't have a bumper sticker that says "I spank my wife blindfolded"... wouldn't be exactly cool at the school's dropoff... eh?


But it would be interesting if you showed up in the gimp outfit for parent teacher conference.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I think its great that people wait for marriage though.





TaDor said:


> I know things about various people's sex lives - but to others, they are the sweet / innocent / professional person that they only know. Most people do not know that I have floggers, handcuffs and other sexy toys I've used on women and of course - my wife. I know others like that too. But I've never laid a hand on my wife in anger and have been faithful to her. I don't have a bumper sticker that says "I spank my wife blindfolded"... wouldn't be exactly cool at the school's dropoff... eh?


Oh my gosh, does anybody here remember that old Cream of Wheat cereal (I think) commercial, where it shoes a bowl of Cream of Wheat cereal hovering over the kid who ate it for breakfast as he very actively moves through his day? I told my girlfriend that I am so happy we don't have icons of all the toys/floggers we use following us around all day- people at work would be positively blown away at the array following me! I am one of those completely wholesome and caring people at work- and I really, truly am in life, but really, I think a lot of folks would be shocked. With that said, I know some folks at work have to be into the same thing.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Nods.... yep. What we do in the bedroom or scene *IS* not all that a person is about. It's just bedroom fun. I've done a few scenes at venues or did work at BDSM venues or events.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your flogger break in half on stage? All I'm holding is a handle! And a non-experinced at video recording friend press stop when the flogger broke... its like NO, you keep recording! It was funny as hell. There was likely a " ? ! " icon over my head for a few seconds. I switched to spanking her butt with my hand. 

I know others in the scene who are parents... good parents. Just like ANY good parent - the kids do not know whats goes on in the bedroom with the adults. So yeah, people in the scene are no better or worse than vanilla.

Hmmm. I wonder if OP can consider some bondage for the wife. Even get a cheap starter set that works for 2-3 nights from Amazon.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

RideofmyLife said:


> I'll post the link to my thread on what we went through. If you want the short story, we talked about it (mostly him as I was his first) and I decided to give it a try. We were leaning toward threesomes and knew it would be easier to find of guy, so we did my threesome first. I ended up seeing him again several times, both doing a threesome with my husband and then on my own. Hubby was fine with a relationship developing. Hubby found a girlfriend, also. I became emotionally involved and the relationship turned kinky, as well. We were going to fetlife bdsm parties. My husband was feeling excluded, especially as I was wanting some privacy in that other relationship (similar to waywards). He started spying on me, feeling as though I was cheating since I wasn't coming home and telling him all the details of my nights. I started *****ing about him to my friends, he started spying on my conversations with them, also. I was in AZ putting my dad into assisted living after a bad fall when he told me he was going to blow his brains out. I called the cops and he went to the mental hospital. When he came out, we were separated but living together still. We started going to counseling, and have just recently stopped. We're really good now, since we laid it all on the line and did the work to try to get back to normal. I'm amazed sometimes that we're still together.
> 
> If this is something that you can live without, I'd really suggest doing so. My story is pretty extreme but the point is that until you open a relationship you don't know what nasties are lurking to rear up and bite you. Insecurities, jealousies, etc...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...icking-up-pieces-after-om-suicide-threat.html


Wow, what a story. I am glad all is good now.
Wasn't the problem more the fact that you both had two different fantasies?
His was to share or watch you have sex with another guy while yours was to have relationships with other people? Sorry if I am mistaken.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

badsanta said:


> You may find it helpful to try and imagine a role-reversal in your head. Imagine that it is your wife but NOT you that has this fantasy of you becoming a hothusband for her! She found out the neighbor's husband was sleeping around, and now she wants you to start doing the same thing. In particular she wants you to hook up with someone of her choice and bring her in the bedroom for her to watch the two of you. In particular she wants to see you with am alpha woman that will dominate you, toss you around the bedroom, and leave the scene with you spinning around passed out on the ceiling fan. *If you don't do this for her or at least talk about it and role play some, she is now having trouble getting aroused for you.*
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I would say "well ok honey, for the sake of saving our marriage, I will let all these women use me for your pleasures". 
But seriously it's the bolder bit that would leave a bitter aftertaste.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

Wow, what a story. I am glad all is good now.
Wasn't the problem more the fact that you both had two different fantasies?
His was to share or watch you have sex with another guy while yours was to have relationships with other people? Sorry if I am mistaken.


I'd say that's true. We just didn't know it when we started out.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Funny before I was married I had hot wife fantasies too, it's just that I was the guy who ****s the other guys wife. Guess I am alpha that way.

Just kidding.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TaDor said:


> I don't get off on such a fetish - hell, I don't ever think about it, no concerns. But as we see, each their own - which you have to respect that. No need be repulsed by it.
> 
> But then you have the other end of the spectrum in which people are upset that their SO had sex with other people before they even met.


Is it weird that I might be on both spectrums? I sometimes get jealous about my wife having kissed another guy before we got together (we got together when we were 16) but was excited when somebody felt her ass while passing through a crowded restaurant. She was totally outraged when she told me about this, but my first reaction was "wow, that's hot!" (facepalm). She didn't speak to me for two weeks afterwards. 

It's really strange, this hotwife thing. It seems different people get off on it for different reasons though. The bisexual thing doesn't resonate with me. I am trying to distill what it is exactly that might be hot about it. Rationally, it seems so very wrong on so many levels but it is as if this 'fantasy' or these thoughts are remnants from the distant primordial past (another male dominating your partner in front of you and the partner getting all ecstatic and you feeling totally helpless?). Perhaps it's some kind of mis-firing or wire mis-crossing? Where excruciating pain is mistaken for some kind of hotness?? I don't know.

I first noticed the thought creep in while watching porn occasionally: I got so bored from it at one time (when I wasn't getting any action due to wife having just given birth for the 3rd time etc) and started imagining my wife in those clips instead. It gave the experience a different dimension and felt "different"/exciting for a while. Then one night I asked her, jokingly, while giving her oral, if she could tell the difference if I left the room and came back to continue, but it turned out it was a friend of mine continuing giving her oral, instead of me? Would she mind that much? A tongue is a tongue etc...(One of the top ten things NOT to say to your wife during oral!).

It's weird. In all the scenarios in my head, the people don't have faces/personalities (except for my wife). As soon as I put a face to them, I am ready to hack them to pieces.
But there is definitely something in those thoughts; as in it is some kind of fetish. But I don't think I could ever go through with it in real life. 

Since I also have a mild exhibitionist side, I thought maybe performing sex acts together in front of a webcam in one of those chat rooms where people tell you what things they want to see etc might be a harmless-ish way to live out some of those fantasies (where we'd be in total control and it would be completely anonymous). But I worry she (or I) will still feel horrible afterwards and she will not speak with me for 12 years...

I think she does have (mild) rape fantasies and also is into role play (where I would pretend to be a stranger and take advantage of her etc). These things seem to turn her on.

The brain is a weird thing. I sometimes wish I could exchange mine for something I could understand better.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Yep.... you are all over the place. Happens. People are strange that way, eh?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Yes except all these thoughts are very much like nearing a cliff edge and in your head, you decide to jump. But of course you never do it.
These are just experimentations in thoughts for me and gauging what my own reaction is. Our sex life is relatively 'normal' and it is satisfying (if there are not too big gaps in between). The rest is musings.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

rape fantasy *is* a thing... its not something I would be able to do. I can flog, bondage, scenes - but a fake rape is a boundary that I never considered. So yeah, a woman would set it up with a guy (meet in person at first) or is something she knows or dating. The typical fantasy is coming home and being surprised and whatever actions she has discussed beforehand. optional safeword. On a sick level, that has been used to rape an innocent victim a few times (known) - the one linked here is more recent: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...olical-scheme-da-says/?utm_term=.ab9fdf781f69 The one from years ago, I remember: Former boyfriend used Craigslist to arrange woman's rape, police say - latimes

The rapist should have MET the woman first to confirm that she is real, etc. I would assume at least - before taking a chance of raping someone who doesn't want to be.

You both have your fantasies and the thing is to find what you both are willing to do - that doesn't cause a problem in your marriage. My wife and I were open marriage - I had experience and don't mix Love with Sex. Had fun times. But things went wonky and cheating started. That's when it became a problem. Oddly, even thou she was the one cheating - she was also having some jealousy issues with me being with other women. This isn't exactly "hotwife" as I am not just going to sit there and watch. As you have shared - you get turned on with guys touching your wife - That is "She's hot - you want to touch her" thinking. Kissing = romance / Love. This is why kissing prostitutes is a rarity much less strippers. That is when your mind goes *ARGH KILL KILL*. In swinging / poly - kissing is sometimes okay - especially when its poly or its 2 gals and one guy. The dynamics all vary between person and couples.

A female friend of mine broke up with her fiancee a short while ago, she still has two boyfriends. The breakup had nothing to do with any of the guys - but his drinking and drug abuse which also caused him to mentally abuse her. So I and other friends supported her leaving him. Another female friend, a young woman of 22 has a few sexual partners - broke up with her BF over semi-typical stuff. She was not jealous of him with other girls. Sometimes she'll date a new guy and he would decide that SHE will be monogamous... that results in "uh - no. buh-bye".

There are those who do O-R just fine... married for 10, 20, 50 years... there are those who do it to spice things up will likely get in trouble. The problem I feel is that MEN project the fantasy onto their wives (cuckold / hotwife) and not understanding that sex with other guys - has a high risk of her bonding with one of the other guys and it becomes cheating. Having my wife lie and cheat behind my back, willing to destroy our marriage was extremely painful - beyond anger. I think was at risk of heart attack for days on end. That kind of pain wasn't worth it. We barely got back together - and its work in progress. This place help saved my family as a unit. Still divorced and all, but we wanted to get back together. Do we still like kinky stuff - yep. But we're not doing those things anymore. Going to stripper clubs is fine - we have fun, enjoy eye-candy and hang out with friends. So even let your wife go to a male strip joint... she'll likely ravish you.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rape fantasy was perhaps too strong a word...It's more the fact that she enjoys being dominated, being taken 'advantage' of for my own pleasure and sometimes shamed a little (basically all the opposite things of what they normally teach one at 'school' of what ladies are supposed to enjoy...).

Thinking about it, I don't think I could ever break the boundaries and introduce anyone else inot our sex life. Fantasies are fantasies and thinking about breaking boundaries is exciting purely from the point of view of examining one's own reaction to certain taboo thoughts. Essentially that's what sex is: exploring & breaking boundaries. 
Must remember to unlock the cage and let out that midget back into the woods before wife comes home


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Little people... they don't like being called "midgets". Some like to be in cages thou.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Interesting.

Bringing other people into a monogamous relationship is fraught with dangers, to be sure.

Swinging was mentioned. Divorce rates tossed around. I've seen studies suggesting swingers divorce less often than monogamous couples. Personally I doubt there is any difference.

As it happens my wife is bisexual, and really does appreciate/need a woman in her life on occasion to feel whole. She certainly needs to know it is an option. For several years we did participate in the lifestyle so she could have an easier time finding girlfriends.

Jealousies do need to be taken into account. The worst thing to do is be Politically Correct and say someone should not be jealous of this or that and blithely go on and ignore possible problems. You must accept people do get jealous, no matter how much they may claim they are so modern and won't.

A side note: Every couple we knew who was swinging last century is no longer a couple, except my wife and I. I suspect that is because they were doing it to find something they couldn't get from their Significant Other in another person of the same sex as their Significant Other. My wife and I were involved so she could get something I just simply could not provide for her. She didn't care about the guys at all.

We did have ground rules specifically to deal with jealousy. Neither of us are jealous people, but we still rigorously kept to our rules to make sure there was never any issue at all. We did everything together, always.

But overall I think swinging is bad for a relationship. Most people place too much emphasis on sex as some sort of supreme intimacy. Sex is just sex. It's a fun exercise. But because most people whip it up into some sort of super big deal swinging becomes much too dangerous.

The biggest problems are intimacy issues; showing love for someone other than a spouse, or excluding a spouse. Yes, hiding anything from a spouse is a death knell to a marriage.


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## dsmith2017 (Feb 22, 2017)

Thank you everyone for the honest responses.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

TaDor said:


> Little people... they don't like being called "midgets". Some like to be in cages thou.


Or jumpy gyms. A jumpy gym full of naked bouncing little people would be awesome.


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## Malbion (Nov 5, 2016)

If it helps perhaps I could tell you of what happened to me (the fiancé) when she turned into a hot, hot woman. She was only 17 and me 18. Engaged (just) to be married in a few months time. She presented me with the ultimatum of sharing her with a much older colleague from her office or breaking up! Well strangely I went with this and we never looked back. Now still happily married 50 years and she still as hot. A wonderful life and no real problems to show.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Malbion said:


> If it helps perhaps I could tell you of what happened to me (the fiancé) when she turned into a hot, hot woman. She was only 17 and me 18. Engaged (just) to be married in a few months time. She presented me with the ultimatum of sharing her with a much older colleague from her office or breaking up! Well strangely I went with this and we never looked back. Now still happily married 50 years and she still as hot. A wonderful life and no real problems to show.


Are you still sharing her?


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## ThatGuy2719 (Apr 28, 2017)

As someone who actively lives the lifestyle, I can say this:

1. Being open and honest is a must not only for the lifestyle, but marriage in general. It took me years before I was truthful to her about my greatest fantasy.
2. The fantasy is much easier than the initial emotional wave of the reality (at least in my case).
3. There needs to be guidelines and discussion, before and after....(our expectations adjusted based on the "play")
4. I very much doubt it is for everyone, but at least in my personal case, I have a kink and my beautiful wife is in to it as well.
5. Understand the risks and strength of your relationship...our risk was small as our marriage is very strong. If at any moment it feels like it isn't a kinky addition to our marriage, we're both not interested.
6. The reconnecting after her dates (with stories, pics and sometimes vids) is the most intense and aggressive sexual experience we have together....we literally pounce on each other as soon as she's home.


If you have any questions, I can attempt to answer.

I know our marriage isn't for everyone, just like we are not for everyone, but it is fun at the moment and for us that's life, moments of fun.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, I don't see why not. Okay. I have a recurring fantasy, and I have shared it with my fiance. He likes it, but sometimes he doesn't. My fantasy is to imagine him sleeping with his exes. lol Idk why. I don't know these past women he's dated, they're faceless in my fantasy, but I like him to tell stories about his exes. He doesn't like it sometimes, because he feels that I'm not focusing on ''us.'' Which isn't true, I am, but there's something very sexy to me about imagining him with other women. So, your wife may come back at you with ''why do you ''need'' this ...aren't I enough?'' So be ready for that question.  (My fiance is SO enough, but there is something hot to me about thinking about him with other women. ONLY in fantasy, I would be heartbroken of course if he slept with other women)


On a similar note, one of the things that the Sex Therapist suggested when she worked with my wife and me on saving our marriage was that if there were any "most memorable" sexual experiences that stood out in either of our past, that we could try to (in very positive and controlled way) try to relive them with each other so that they are owned by the married couple now.

Say hypothetically Diedre's fiance had a most memorable BJ, or outdoor sex experience. Diedre and her fiance could discuss the experience and what made it so special to the fiance. She could ask what she could do to make it even more memorable. Assuming she was willing to do it, she could help him re-experience the sex act and practice it a few times with him until he associated his most memorable sexual experience more with her than his ex-girlfriend. Or that is at least the theory we were told.

My wife was a virgin when I first started dating her, so all of her most memorable sex experiences (she claimed and I believed) were with me. For me after 38 or so years of marraige to her, my most memorable sexual experiences were either with my wife or involved acts that my wife would absolutely not do.

I also feel strongly that the OP's Hotwife fantasy, should remain a fantasy and never be turned into a reality.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

ThatGuy2719 said:


> As someone who actively lives the lifestyle, I can say this:
> 
> 1. Being open and honest is a must not only for the lifestyle, but marriage in general. It took me years before I was truthful to her about my greatest fantasy.
> 2. The fantasy is much easier than the initial emotional wave of the reality (at least in my case).
> ...



Please understand I'm not trying to be flippant, but you consider this a healthy marriage?


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## ThatGuy2719 (Apr 28, 2017)

No offense taken. I guess it boils down to what you look for in life and marriage.

I personally wanted someone to walk with for the rest of my days....what paths we took together wasn't predefined (other than house, kids...etc). Sex for us, is recreational and we experience it in all the facets that interest us.

Our marriage is built on being completely open and honest about who we are, and what goes on in our heads....I never wanted my wife to regret discussing a desire with me long past the time that it was a possibility, and she's the same for me....It just really worked out in her favor. It's a kink I have had for most of my life, it was and is completely liberating to no longer have to hide it from her.

But again, I understand it isn't normal.


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