# Life after divorce for men?



## 2yearsince

Ok so the last few months I made my mind up on what I wanted, divorce. Wife had EA, bad marriage before and after but won't go into it again. I am not perfect and caused problems but wife was the real issue and she has admitted it.

The last few months I was focused on how the relationship was not what I wanted, I no longer had any love for her, and I need more in a relationship which I can not get from this. Now I find myself thinking about just settling but for the wrong reasons.

I know I am a really nice, considerate guy. Everyone who knows me loves me (not being ****y and I am also humble though funny to say that together). I have a decent job but looking at my situation after will I really find what I am missing now? I hate to hurt someone because I dont have what I need to just end up not having it anyway. I am only 38, but not young either. My kids are almost grown, 14 and 18, but still need me. Marrying very young and wife's money habits left us struggling for our entire marriage. Just this past year I have been able to get ahead, everything paid off(minus house) and some actual savings but with a D that will also be gone. 

I want more for my life and a partner to share it with but feel like I will not have enough to offer.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Most everyone has baggage, especially the older we get. Then there’s those of us who have been previously married and we have those oversized and additional baggages. 

I think most of us hope to find someone else who will accept our own baggage just as we accept their’s in return. Whether that baggage is; children from a previous marriage, past financial responsibilities, the scars and carnage left from a bad relationship, or the idiosyncrasies we are all capable of possessing. It’s not about just “settling” for someone either. It’s about loving someone enough that you accept all the aspects of who that individual is.

Over the years I’ve heard women complain of their boyfriend’s/husband’s children from a previous marriage and even how he is paying child support. It has always been beyond my comprehension how these women could take a good quality of a man being a responsible father, who also spends time with his children, into a bad thing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who would ditch a responsibility like his own children?


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## nice777guy

TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore said:


> Over the years I’ve heard women complain of their boyfriend’s/husband’s children from a previous marriage and even how he is paying child support. It has always been beyond my comprehension how these women could take a good quality of a man being a responsible father, who also spends time with his children, into a bad thing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who would ditch a responsibility like his own children?


Wow! Have to admit - I'm a bit concerned when I look at what I'll be paying to my STBXW in support and "maintenance" - but the support should truly be nothing more than me continuing my financial obligation to my own children. I sure wouldn't hope that anyone would count that against me!

I struggle a bit more with the "maintenance" - but it just kind of is what it is.

But then again - a woman who is self-sufficient really shouldn't care what I make - should she?


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## anitagrace2

Life after divorce for men and women alike can be very difficult to manage especially if it has been a long marriage where both had come to rely close.


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## ImFree

I have read a bunch of posts around this site today. Mostly the men seem to not have their kids. With my divorce I fought for custody and ended up with a 50/50 split custody, split residential custody and all. It really is 50/50 other than I will have to pay her some child support (as I earned about 50% more than her). 
I feel that the future and dating (as with my current GF) - the woman will be a mother. I find it hard to see me dating someone without children. I will have my kids half the time and cant imagine a woman without kids being alright with being "shared" (thats a weird way to put it - hopefully you know what I mean). 
I'm proud that I'm the father of my kids and very proud that I'll have them 50% of the time (wish it was 100%). I'll never in my life call anything baggage... just "experience". The child support I hope is spent on them (though Ex has all sorts of spending issues, so I will be crossing my fingers). 
If you happen to get into a relationship where your new woman friend brings up you having to pay child support (which is to support your kids) as a bad thing - chances are she is not going to be right for you anyway (my thoughts). 
I just hit 40. My kids are younger than yours. And all I can say is reverse your attitude about not having enough to offer... The last 2 years of my life I've learned more about myself and life than my first 38 years... One of those things is to keep your head up, think positive. Keep doing the right thing. And never feel like you dont have enough to offer or are not good enough for someone else.


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## sammy3

anitagrace2 said:


> Life after divorce for men and women alike can be very difficult to manage especially if it has been a long marriage where both had come to rely close.


anitagrace, 

any experience you would like to share ? 

~sammy


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## Shane Jimison

Earlier people say that man's life remain unaffected even after divorce but seem to be incorrect after seeing situations of divorce men around me. Life of every person change after divorce.


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## EleGirl

I have seen both men and women who do not like the idea that their new partner has children from a previous marragie. Not all people are cut out to be step parents.

There is also the other side of the coin. Children often do not accept step parents. They can resent the step parent and make the step parent's life misserable.

If you have young children to parent a good part of the time, it might be best to date and not involve your children. Or involve them as little as possible.


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## Ron in Ontario

My life has only gotten better since my divore. I have a new woman who treats me well and i am enjoying life agian. Karma has been great to me and karma has seen to it that my ex is getting all that she had coming to her. It does come around.


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## legiox

I'm Divorced with no kids (thank god). I just couldn't see having to put my life around my ex wife with picking up kids..etc...etc.. I'm just glad I never have to look at or even speak to her again.


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## lonewolf8545

I think its normal for us to feel like we have nothing to offer after a divorce, but you are wrong. I felt the same thing and I really didn't think I was datable, but I've dated some beautiful women with great personalities. 

If your a gentleman and don't come across as wanting only "one" thing there are tons of women who'd love to be with you.

Take stock in all your good qualities and build on them. Look at your weak points as well and see what you can do to improve those. 

Once the fog of your divorce as lifted, you'll find a whole new world of women who'd love to be with you.


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