# Is it ok to only want sex when your wife is willing to go for anything?



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I am asking this question since well, usually, when having sex with my wife, we both have a great time and the orgasms are amazing. However, when I am looking for something different, me going down on her or vice versa...or using some toys....well, if I don't see her into it or I see her not really enjoying it as I would like her to see her...I rather not having that kind of sex. I mean, we've had the great sex that includes all I just described but when it doesn't go the way I think it should go - since you feel really sexy and wanted when the wife really is into it - I prefer not having it....my problem is that my wife is not the kind of gal that shows you much physical love with words or gestures...so, when bed time arrives, is when she gives me the emotional and physical connection I need. Anyway, what do you think, it is better to communicate these things and may be have less sex but when happening to feel like there is no rejection to anything?? which one is healthier....?


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## RJHT (Nov 18, 2010)

Some people can't show emotions or physical closeness outside of a bedroom. If she is not very adventerous in bed it maybe she feels uncomfortable with certain things. Sounds like she grew up in a emotionally repressed home or very religious family. She might need to be educated in and told that it is ok to show feeling and to experiment sexually. Talking to her is a good tool. If she is more emotional in bed talk to her about what she is thinking and feeling. Express how you find her attractive, what turns you on about her etc especially while having sex. Try not to get too graphic at first. There are educational videos for women and men that might help too.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Thanks, we have moved forward quite a bit in a period of a year or so, it is still difficult at times since well, you are right when said that she was brought up in a very sexually repressed home and for about 20 years we made love pretty much the way she wanted...I had a few things but never felt special since she did not show like she was enjoying them.... nowadays, is much better...she really enjoys sex, we have it often, but there are those moments that bring all the pass back and really hurts...and have hard time ignoring them (the feelings)....I just want to feel loved, wanted, desired, and loved....I take care of myself and help in the house a lot....I am a goo father and friend to my wife...she does have a hard time investing in our relationship however, I know, it is not entirely her fault but God!, I would love to find peace.....


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## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

I think that just kind of depends on how you feel about it. There have been times when I have just not been into sex in general, but my hubby really really was, and we have had sex to please him. But sometimes, if he is not ragingly into it, and he knows I am not, then he does not want to do it either. I think because we have had problems and were having sex very infrequently, that there were times he did not care whether I was into it or not, he just had to have some. But I think it is natural to feel the way you do, and I think it is fantastic that you care that much about how your wife feels and thinks! Maybe this is something you should try to talk to her about, and see how she feels about it? Because it may be that even if you start doing someting that she is not necessarily into, that she will get into it. This happens to me a lot. I do something because I know he wants to, but it turns me on too and we both have a great time!!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

yeah....I guess, it's better not having that kind of sex and only stick to the regular sometimes boring sex....well, maybe, if I stop wanting all the time, she'll come after me like I needed....still, for me is a challenge since the pass 20 years have been really tough!...only doing what she allowed....never felt like really wanted...now, sometimes, like last night, I don't feel very much wanted...thanks...


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## RJHT (Nov 18, 2010)

Sometimes you have to remind them and reinforce the behavior you like and want. Like I said earlier to tell her what you need and when she gives you even a little something you like or need..tell her thank you or say wow I really like that etc. Before long she will do it more.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Marcopoly - I've read a couple of your other threads re: bjs and I can't help but get the impression that you have maybe unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex. You want your wife to be 100% into it, passionate, wild and give you the best bj of your life every single time.

I can totally understand that having sex with someone who isn't into it is not that exciting. But at the same time, when you've been married that long, every sexual experience isn't going to be the best of your life and fireworks. Sometimes its just about connecting emotionally, sometimes she just wants to give you something nice even though she's not really in the mood, and sometimes its over the top fantastic. There are different levels and its not going to be a 10 every time.

Maybe your wife is feeling like your expectations are too high and she can't possibly meet them, so she's not that interested. No matter what she does, she feels like she's going to let you down so why bother trying? This is just a guess and I could be wrong but I wanted to give you something to think about.

As some of the previous posters have suggested, try focusing more on the positive. When she does something you like, really let her know that and she'll want to do that more. If she feels like you are enjoying things and she's pleasing you (and assuming you reciprocate and make her feel good too) then she might feel in the mood more often.

Feeling like you are constantly letting your partner down is going to be a major mood killer.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> well, maybe, if I stop wanting all the time, she'll come after me like I needed....still, for me is a challenge since the pass 20 years have been really tough!...only doing what she allowed....never felt like really wanted...now, sometimes, like last night, I don't feel very much wanted...thanks...


 How old are you and how often are you having sex ? For pretty much everyone, the passion barometer is higher if you wait a day or 2, not going at it every single day. You want/need it MORE than her, so you always feel HOTTER than her. You want her to feel as HOT & bothered as you. Believe me, I understand. I don't think most guys CARE as much as you do, but that is OK, this is who you are. 

I think what you are feeling is normal , and what you are experiencing is also normal. I think you have worked yourself up into a frenzy over this for a time. I do understand. I am the woman who is hotter, not always fun if your man has a little trouble getting aroused. Whether it be "performance pressure" to me wearing him out . Vitamin V to the rescue sometimes for us. I know he wants to be there with me --and probably your wife does too? 

Isn't this really all that matters?? 

I've toyed with the idea of leaving him alone, maybe saying we should wait DAYS - maybe 3 - 4 to connect again, but guess what, I don't want to wait. 

I have been where you are , wanting /expecting more from my husband, almost getting mad at him for not coming on to me as much as I feel "other" guys might who are Lustier -often younger, I had some unrealistic expectations, believe me. I also flirt more than him, and wish he was more vocal, I think you feel this way about your wife. But we love them, this is who we are meant to be with , we are "home". It does not have to be Fire-works every night. They will come & go, and this is simply OK.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would say not to do anything to your wife that you wouldn't want done to you. Would you be okay with her refusing you every time things weren't exactly going as she wanted??


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> How old are you and how often are you having sex ? For pretty much everyone, the passion barometer is higher if you wait a day or 2, not going at it every single day. You want/need it MORE than her, so you always feel HOTTER than her. You want her to feel as HOT & bothered as you. Believe me, I understand. I don't think most guys CARE as much as you do, but that is OK, this is who you are.
> 
> I think what you are feeling is normal , and what you are experiencing is also normal. I think you have worked yourself up into a frenzy over this for a time. I do understand. I am the woman who is hotter, not always fun if your man has a little trouble getting aroused. Whether it be "performance pressure" to me wearing him out . Vitamin V to the rescue sometimes for us. I know he wants to be there with me --and probably your wife does too?
> 
> ...


Thanks for your words....it is exacly what happens to me...Usually, we have wonderful hot sex that only includes vaginal penetration but the positions and ridom can be really hot and orgasms can be mind blowing....the problems is when I signal to her that I need something else to keep my desire in check like me being able to eat her out (including her butt) - I don't know, may be this is not for everyone, but when she lets me eat her out where I can go from her butt to her vagina and really go at it that I lift her up, in my mind and heart, I feel like she is so mine!...it is almost primal.....but I need this at least, once a week to feel close to her and feel loved....but I need her to enjoy it....otherwise, it does not work - well, last night we talked and told her how I felt and she understood that I just can't make love to her anymore if she is not relax and ready to let me touch her and kiss her whatever I want - I told her, however, that since during the week, we are busy, that having regular intercouse is fine and wonderful, but on the weekend I needed her to think about my expectations and how to give me everything I needed to feel loved and very closed to her....my problems is when I don't see that she thinks enough about us....so now, we fine again, and have a plan. I told her that of course, that if during the weekend she did not feel well, that she needed to teld me so she manages my expectations....to me now, is about communication because I know she loves me very much, but to me not having access to her body and feeling the passion back is a mood killer.......thanks for your imput, I do appriciate it!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> ....my problems is when I don't see that she thinks enough about us....so now, we fine again, and have a plan. I told her that of course, that if during the weekend she did not feel well, that she needed to teld me so she manages my expectations....to me now, is about communication because I know she loves me very much, but to me not having access to her body and feeling the passion back is a mood killer.......thanks for your imput, I do appriciate it!!


WHY do you feel she is not thinking about you / "you & her" enough? Is it purely because of her lack of vocal expressiveness , or is it more like is she rejecting you somehow, showing signs she does not want to be in bed with you when you do these things to her? Has she made outright comments that you want this other stuff "too much", trying to pursuade you to calm down. 

Or just that you are dissapointed in her lack of "oooomph", lack of sighing, sounds of exhileration- to reassure you SHE is there IN THE MOMENT with you ? ....... If this is the case, then just try to understand, not everyone is as outwardly vocal and expressive as some of us (like you and me !!). 

I think oftentimes we marry our opposites (I know I did!), are you more expressive outside of the bedroom too? If so, I doubt you will change her very much in this area. I have tried to change my husband, my story played out on this forum, but this is just not who he is. But it has no bearing whatsoever about him not wanting to be there with me, he is just a more quiet person. Internally feeling very much, loving the connecting. 

You are definetely an "Erotic Lover" (they are always harder to please-just so you know, other lovers seem boring in comparison) , she is probably more a "Sensual lover", not feeling much has to be said, or kinkiness tried, just feeling internally connected & bonded. 

I am just guessing comparing my own situation of coarse. 

Sounds like you have a great marraige, and sounds like a good plan - her being willing for your hot desires during the weekend. My husband has no interest in licking the butt. And that is ok with me!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> WHY do you feel she is not thinking about you / "you & her" enough? Is it purely because of her lack of vocal expressiveness , or is it more like is she rejecting you somehow, showing signs she does not want to be in bed with you when you do these things to her? Has she made outright comments that you want this other stuff "too much", trying to pursuade you to calm down.
> 
> Or just that you are dissapointed in her lack of "oooomph", lack of sighing, sounds of exhileration- to reassure you SHE is there IN THE MOMENT with you ? ....... If this is the case, then just try to understand, not everyone is as outwardly vocal and expressive as some of us (like you and me !!).
> 
> ...


You are right in everything, and by the way I am 41 and go to the gym daily...I adore my wife and since I want her so much, is that I really need her to be with her without limitations or rejections....I know she enjoys sex as I do yoga and I can do many things to please her with new positions and basically make sure she can cum at least twice during our sessions....but my problem is when I want something else...sometimes she let me do whatever I want and that's amazing...but when she knows I am looking for something and she does not address it, it hurts!...so I told her that I just don't want to have sex anymore, unless, she feels like she can give herself to me completly....I mean if I want to eat her out, that I can and that she is in the mood to enjoy it...as well as playing and licking her butt....also, I love when we can do the 69 (for some reason she does not enjoy it as much). I have a couple of fantacies that I want to try, but haven't been able to...first one, that before I cum inside of her, she stops and rapidly finishes me off with a BJ.....another is to use a butt plug I got and use it on her while we make love (DP)....and the final one I have in my mind is being able to have anal sex that she can enjoy...have not been succesful here yet, but have not lost hope...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

justonelife said:


> Marcopoly - I've read a couple of your other threads re: bjs and I can't help but get the impression that you have maybe unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex. You want your wife to be 100% into it, passionate, wild and give you the best bj of your life every single time.
> 
> I can totally understand that having sex with someone who isn't into it is not that exciting. But at the same time, when you've been married that long, every sexual experience isn't going to be the best of your life and fireworks. Sometimes its just about connecting emotionally, sometimes she just wants to give you something nice even though she's not really in the mood, and sometimes its over the top fantastic. There are different levels and its not going to be a 10 every time.
> 
> ...


Thanks....I understand your point, and I will be positive....my problem is that I just can't ignore my feelings of dissapoinment when I think I deserve something but she is not ready for it or have not thought of it - after all signals from me - it hurts that knowing how important is to me to feel her some ways, that she is not thinking about it...well, I guess, I need to be patients....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> Thanks....I understand your point, and I will be positive....my problem is that I just can't ignore my feelings of dissapoinment when I think I deserve something but she is not ready for it or have not thought of it - after all signals from me - it hurts that knowing how important is to me to feel her some ways, that she is not thinking about it...well, I guess, I need to be patients....


This comes down to you having fantasies that she simply doesn't share, she may never share. And you are feeling you may never be totally satisfied with your sex life -because you feel you need a woman to live out these fantasies with. But you do not want any woman - you want her - the love or your life. 

I felt this way for a time -about my husband. But it passed. I am not quite as kinky as you though!! 

I think all you can do here is keep the communication going, ease into these new things with respect to her wanting/allowing them, who knows, she may find new pleasures await. 

Sounds like you have come a long way sexually in the last year. What was it like before ??


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This comes down to you having fantasies that she simply doesn't share, she may never share. And you are feeling you may never be totally satisfied with your sex life -because you feel you need a woman to live out these fantasies with. But you do not want any woman - you want her - the love or your life.
> 
> I felt this way for a time -about my husband. But it passed. I am not quite as kinky as you though!!
> 
> ...



It was boring and frustrating...she wouldn't let me cum in her mouth, or in her body. She wouldn't shave down there, and never felt like she really enjoys me going down on her...she would stop me and asked me to penetrate her...she does not like her breasts (3 children) but I do....so before, she wouldn't let me touch her, now I can....today, she even let me use a dildo and vibrator on her but although she says she enjoys them, I can really feel it or see it too much....but we've come a long way....and I just want to feel everytime we are together that she wants me without restrictions or problems.....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> It was boring and frustrating...she wouldn't let me cum in her mouth, or in her body. She wouldn't shave down there, and never felt like she really enjoys me going down on her...she would stop me and asked me to penetrate her...she does not like her breasts (3 children) but I do....so before, she wouldn't let me touch her, now I can....today, she even let me use a dildo and vibrator on her but although she says she enjoys them, I can really feel it or see it too much....but we've come a long way....and I just want to feel everytime we are together that she wants me without restrictions or problems.....


Sorry if I am asking too many questions but you got my curiousity now -- Did you feel LIKE THIS (all this erotic wanting) all those years when She was like THAT (in this quote) and if so ---- how in the world did you manage to stay "faithfully" married ?

I would think a man as erotic as you would have went out of his mind. I am going to guess the answer is : ALOT of PORN, Why you now want her to shave (being in your 40's, it is more common for our generation to not shave).

I used to be somewhat like your wife, didnt like oral sex, would push him away, my brests were TOO sensitive- back then. He always could touch though. 

So what has allowed her to ease up for all the changes this past year - communication, a spike in HER sex drive ?


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

I may be a bit out of line here but.....I've been reading Marcopoly69's posts for sometime and I just need to say most of your posts, MP, have nothing but I needs, I wants, She needs to........ in them. I'm not sure if you intend to sound so selfish but my goodness man you sound like the purpose of your wife is to be into all of the sexual stuff that your into and if she is not then "she is not giving herself to you completely" and you don't want to have sex with her. It's not only a little selfish but a little childish as well. Either you play in the sandbox like I want or I'll take my toys and leave?

Again not sure if that is how you intend to come across but......?! You know, there are sometimes that she just might not be into having her butt licked. Not the end of the world my good man. It sounds like she is trying her best to please you but if you insist that she meet all of your terms, anytime/anyway you want it, she will come to resent you and feel like a tool for your needs not a vessel to share both of your needs. 

She is after all an individual. She is a person. She is also your wife. She has needs. She has boundary's. She has baggage. We all do. You don't create bonds by imposing your wants/needs on her. You create them through dialogue and trust. Whether you want to hear it or not there just may be somethings that she will never enjoy or will only enjoy them when she feels right about it. You will need to accept this or find someone that meets your needs when you want/how you want/whenever you want. That person, however, is not likely to be out there unless you are willing to pay for her services. 

Again, not sure if you intended your posts to come across this way but the general theme sure reads like it.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

kirkster5 said:


> I may be a bit out of line here but.....I've been reading Marcopoly69's posts for sometime and I just need to say most of your posts, MP, have nothing but I needs, I wants, She needs to........ in them. I'm not sure if you intend to sound so selfish but my goodness man you sound like the purpose of your wife is to be into all of the sexual stuff that your into and if she is not then "she is not giving herself to you completely" and you don't want to have sex with her. It's not only a little selfish but a little childish as well. Either you play in the sandbox like I want or I'll take my toys and leave?
> 
> Again not sure if that is how you intend to come across but......?! You know, there are sometimes that she just might not be into having her butt licked. Not the end of the world my good man. It sounds like she is trying her best to please you but if you insist that she meet all of your terms, anytime/anyway you want it, she will come to resent you and feel like a tool for your needs not a vessel to share both of your needs.
> 
> ...


It is true that for a long time, sex was in the back sit and we did what she allowed, which was always restrictive....I respected that for 15 years, however, when finally, we achieved financial stability that I focus in our relationship...my wife is a good woman but come from a family that avoid conflict and don't say how they feel, that together with a sexual repressed up bringing was the pefect storm for a very limited sexual live....After all these years one day, I realized that I was not happy - never was - with our sexual live and started to communicate and well now, we are in a point were we found (i think) the right balance....during the week, when we are most busy, we do have wonderful sex but not too much of spices (if you know what i mean) but on saturdays (we agreed she'll be prepared and ready) we'll go to bed both thinking in putting all in the table (last night was incredible...69 on the side so hot that I cum all over her face, mouth, and shirt...so much that she was laughing....)...she did not finish, but I felt her enjoying my eating her out and she sucking my ****!...it was amazing....)so, to answer your question...I just want to be happy with my wife....we both matters,,


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Marcopoly -- I do think Kirkster was thinking the exact same thing I was. I understand your want for total hot, unrestricted sex, but to expect that all the time will only lead to hurt. For either you or her. You might have to take a step back and realize that if you bombard her with this constantly, she is gonna pull away. 

BTW -- no way would my H lick my butt and then get anywhere near my face for two day LMAO. Really not into that, so you need to respect some of her boundaries.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Hey Marcopoly: 

Your marraige sounds alot like me, we were busy focusing on other things too, planning, accomplishing, kids, building our dreams, now that all is accomplished, we reached the mountain top, we are more focused on each other. 

I was repressed back then (like your wife) , husband wanted more, but it was me, the wife who got wilder (more erotic) and I want him to be more this way. Just as you want your wife to be where you are, feeling it like you are. For us, every few times a month it is "phenomenal" like what you just described above. But seriously we can't except this "every single time". Treasure these moments and be confident they will continue to happen. 

She has come a long way and probably will continue to open up more & more. Good for you both !!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

DawnD said:


> Marcopoly -- I do think Kirkster was thinking the exact same thing I was. I understand your want for total hot, unrestricted sex, but to expect that all the time will only lead to hurt. For either you or her. You might have to take a step back and realize that if you bombard her with this constantly, she is gonna pull away.
> 
> BTW -- no way would my H lick my butt and then get anywhere near my face for two day LMAO. Really not into that, so you need to respect some of her boundaries.


At the begining we kiss a lot....once, I start kissing her down there, I don't go back and kiss her on the mouth or face, I just concentrate in her down there....I like licking her butt because I just love it...can't explaing it is almost something primal....being able to eat my wife that way, make me feel so close and intimate to her is unbelivable...she enjoys it very much (when is the right time not always...since well, you need to feel in the mood for these things) since when in the mood, she goes for it...relaxes and just let me explore every cm or her pusy and butt whole....is amazing....after eating her out like that, I just do a reverse and penetrate her like that as she now can see my butt and play with it as we make love and hear her having one orgasms after the other...she says that she feels at least 2 powerful orgasms an many close ones....so?...is very hot and enjoyable...I just want my relationship with my w to be such that we both communicate and find our buttons to make our sexual lives so good that we can's stop having it everyday....and sometimes twice a day....ahahahha...:smthumbup:


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Hey Marcopoly:
> 
> Your marraige sounds alot like me, we were busy focusing on other things too, planning, accomplishing, kids, building our dreams, now that all is accomplished, we reached the mountain top, we are more focused on each other.
> 
> ...


It is so amazing when both want the same...when both communicate....it is not only about sex, to me it is also about verbal communication and a lot of kisses and hugs...I work very hard to make her happy and my kids happy....I make sure I am romantic, thoutful, and keep myselfe looking my best - go to the gym everyday I go to work, monday to friday - so, I need her to make me feel sexy and wanted...otherwise, why I am trying so hard if she is not going to make feel sexy and wanted??....life is short for not being happy and to me being able to feel close to my wife like boyfriends and girlfriends but on the level where there are no restrictions and complete trust in the closeness i feel from haeven....


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> At the begining we kiss a lot....once, I start kissing her down there, I don't go back and kiss her on the mouth or face, I just concentrate in her down there....I like licking her butt because I just love it...can't explaing it is almost something primal....being able to eat my wife that way, make me feel so close and intimate to her is unbelivable...she enjoys it very much (when is the right time not always...since well, you need to feel in the mood for these things) since when in the mood, she goes for it...relaxes and just let me explore every cm or her pusy and butt whole....is amazing....after eating her out like that, I just do a reverse and penetrate her like that as she now can see my butt and play with it as we make love and hear her having one orgasms after the other...she says that she feels at least 2 powerful orgasms an many close ones....so?...is very hot and enjoyable...I just want my relationship with my w to be such that we both communicate and find our buttons to make our sexual lives so good that we can's stop having it everyday....and sometimes twice a day....ahahahha...:smthumbup:


 I don't doubt that its a good time for you guys! But I do think that if you are considering only having sex with your wife when she does everything YOU want when you want it where you want it, that is a bit selfish. She might have wants too, thats all I mean. Compromise. Just because she doesn't want to go all out one night, doesn't mean that you should refuse her.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

DawnD said:


> I don't doubt that its a good time for you guys! But I do think that if you are considering only having sex with your wife when she does everything YOU want when you want it where you want it, that is a bit selfish. She might have wants too, thats all I mean. Compromise. Just because she doesn't want to go all out one night, doesn't mean that you should refuse her.


No, but I just don't want to feel rejected anymore...last night was really good but not the best we've had....and today, I feel ok....to me, sex has to be wonderful and a priority in your relationship...having sex that is great, make you want more, and to feel closer to your partner....I just keep communicating how important is to me that she makes me feel loved, desired, and wanted....If she doesn't feel in the mood for all that but still want sex, I will be with her gladly but she needs to tell me before hand so she can manage my expectations since i may want to go down on her, or want to do something a bit special....and well, if we communicate, and understand that she has to find in herself a way to put all in the bed a couple of times a week, I'll be happy...by all in the bed, I mean.....be ready to receive and give pleasure...is about showing excitement and passion.....I read that if you make yourself go through things like this, after a while you start enjoying them....


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

Marcopoly, 

Dude, listen, you need to please count yourself lucky. Things you describe will never happen in my bedroom because they will never be allowed.

You keep posting about how your wife won't let you do new things and you "must" have those to fill wanted, needed, loved, etc and to return that same feeling to your wife. Sounds like your wife has literally bent over backwards to fulfill just about every sexual desire you have and it still isn't enough. When will it be enough?

You keep saying you are taking the advice from people on this board to heart and you are happy to get ideas, but it doesn't sound like to me you are taking any of it to heart. You always have a new posting about what you aren't getting or about what you are getting isn't enough etc.

Please, focus on the emotional side for a change. Tell us how that is working for you.

Sorry this is kind of "in your face" but your posts lately have kind of made me angry. Seems you spend way too much time finding the latest sexual thing that is happening in porn to take to your bedroom and not enough time being content and satisfied with the great sex life you have now.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> Marcopoly,
> 
> Dude, listen, you need to please count yourself lucky. Things you describe will never happen in my bedroom because they will never be allowed.
> 
> ...


I understand your frustration since I was in your position for a long time....3 times a week, and very much the same thing all the time - not very exiting. My point, the one I am trying to make her is that there is hope for anyone if things changed for me. Do you think it was easy! you have no idea how many times we cried, foght, and well, there was sadness in our lives. the point i am trying to make here is that YOU DON'T HAVE TO SETTLE FOR OK, that you can hope and wish for amazing....it is the right you have in this world...if you feel like your sexual needs are not fully satisfied, you must do something, because you will recent your wife in secret all your lives and that will alwas be the elephant in the room. To me was all about communication, i just can keep on living not feeling wanted and desired....I used this forum to learn more about my sexuality and share it with my wife, i made a lot of mistake with her, but learned from them and move on....i have comprimised and let her know how wonderful she can be ....i just make sure i let her know how happy she makes me when she shows me passion and desire for being with me.....dude!!...people can change...they have to want to change....change is good....if she is going to give you placer, she may as well doing it with desire for you if not, what's the point!!...to men is very important to feel passion coming from your w, is essential because we feel love....so if you don't insist in making you sex life something special and wonderful for both of you, you'll never achieved the connection that make you feel like you can die and say that you were truly happy....don't get mad, I am just saying that I went from being unhappy with my sex life to be hopful, to be happy, to be really happy...and that could happen for you too if you invest on it.....:scratchhead:


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

That's a good statement and I see your side totally. It is great to see that you have fought the good fight and it is paying off.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> That's a good statement and I see your side totally. It is great to see that you have fought the good fight and it is paying off.


You need to have a fighting spirit like marco, everyday communication with your wife is essential. She can't just ignore your needs and also ignore hers.
Communication is very important.
Maybe there's something bugging her in bed, it could be rubbing her the wrong way, so she didn't want to tell you because she didn't want to hurt you. When she tries to reject you, you want to listen and have a good talk with her and listen to her complaints, so you will figure out her problems. If you don't figure out what's bugging her, she will always find excuses not to have sex.
Maybe you can ask her, "do you think I'm good in bed?"
If not, "what does good in bed mean to you?"
Or "do you think sex is important in marriage?"
You know, you need to find a topic to arouse her interests. Don't criticise, don't get mad and don't judge.
Bring all her speech and complaints here, so everybody will help you with some input.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

MsLonely said:


> You need to have a fighting spirit like marco, everyday communication with your wife is essential. She can't just ignore your needs and also ignore hers.
> Communication is very important.


Oh man, I can't even begin to say how important communication is. Especially when your partner was a lone child, was bullied and grew up in a home where there wasn't much communication.

All I can say is, keep talking. Like MsLonely said, there might be something bothering her. It could also be an emotional issue. If she has always kept things to herself, it might be that she doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk to you (which might have an effect on the sex).

Either way, just keep communicating, express how important it is for you to know how your wife is doing, how much you like being there for her etcetera, and then actually follow through with what you told her.


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