# Is there any hope?



## Stutteringjohn (Apr 26, 2018)

A month ago my wife said she no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. We have been married for ten years and together for sixteen. High school sweethearts. She has been depressed for a long time, not all bc of the marriage. She is a stay at home mom and doesn't have any friends. She started having delusions that morphed into a complete mental breakdown. She refuses any contact with me and I have been living at my parents house for the last week. She says I'm controlling which is partly true but not to the extent she believes. Our relationship was great until a month ago. We were planning a business together, great sex life, long conversations etc.. I haven't talked to her and only saw her once in the past two weeks bc we had to go to court bc she refused to let me see the kids. I don't know how much of this is real or mental illness. Is there a chance of reconciliation? Should I give her time to fix her mental illness and find herself again? Should I file for divorce and move on? I can't afford our house and an apartment and I can't stay at my parents forever. I love her with all my heart and we shared a "mostly" great life together. I want to salvage this so bad but not sure if it's possible at this point. I'm making the changes needed to be a better husband but she doesn't care. I know it's only been a month but it feels like an eternity. Also, I was on Xanax for a year and it turned me into a monster. I said and did things she never forgave me for five years ago. Nothing super bad just angry and verbally abusive. She knows that's not who I am and I was just coming off of them. Any advice or questions would be appreciated!


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

I would say give her space mho, but make sure the children are in a sound and safe environment firstly. 

How old are the children?

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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

What are you doing to treat your anxiety now?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

*


Stutteringjohn said:



A month ago my wife said she no longer loved me and wanted a divorce.

Click to expand...

*


Stutteringjohn said:


> When they say that, believe them.
> 
> We have been married for ten years and together for sixteen. High school sweethearts. She has been depressed for a long time, not all bc of the marriage. *She is a stay at home mom and doesn't have any friends.*
> 
> ...


Here’s my advice: 

Whether you want reconciliation or not, that is.
When a woman says she wants a divorce and says she doesn’t love you, there’s no amount of logic, begging, or “being a good husband” that you can do to change her mind. If you beg and plead or act weak, it will drive her the opposite direction.
All you can do is tell her you love her, and don’t want a divorce. However, tell her that you want her to be happy and will give her what she wants. Then divorce her and never contact her again, no matter how much you want to. ESPECIALLY if you want to.
If she’s cheating, or if she’s just fallen out of love, the reality of losing you may make her think about things again. If you act like a hurt puppy, it will cement in her mind that you are a weak man that she can do much better than.

You have no choice. File and move on. It takes a while. You can stop it at any time. Most likely you will have to.

In reality, it’s not nearly as bad as it seems to divorce. It may be a gift and you don’t know it yet.
Hang in there. It takes a while, but it will get better.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> You have no choice. File and move on. It takes a while. You can stop it at any time. Most likely you will have to.
> 
> In reality, it’s not nearly as bad as it seems to divorce. It may be a gift and you don’t know it yet.
> Hang in there. It takes a while, but it will get better.


The only thing I would change is "It WILL be a gift and you don't know it yet" No matter why or how or whether you wanted it or not, when someone sets you free, it is a gift, What you do with it is up to you. If you look at as a failure or a disaster, then that is what it will become. But if you look at it as a gift, you are on the road. It is tough and may not always look like a positive thing, but eventually you will see. Keep your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel and not the darkness you find yourself in.


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