# do you have the knowledge of how a severly depressed spouse behaves???



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

my h is in mlc and also has been dx low testosterone...

if you have a spouse ( particularly a h) could you please give me some insight? this is all so painful going from one thing to the next...thought i may find some one who can help me to better understand and cope...in ways that would be productive for my h also...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I really do think its different for every single person.

My wife and I have both had our ups and downs over the years.

Sleeping in. Not showering regularly. Not leaving the house for days. Not answering the phone when friends call.

For me it sometimes came out in anger, like after my mom died. Took me a while to figure out i needed to grieve and let some things go. Was just mad at the world.

Medication and therapy can help.

Does he recognize he has a problem, or is he in denial?

Encourage him to do things he enjoys. Watch funny TV shows or rent comedies. If someone calls, answer the phone for him and then just hand it to him.

There are no quick and easy fixes, but things can certainly get better with time.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

he insists nothing is wrong...


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## tryingtocope24 (Sep 27, 2009)

Hey Lost

We have chatted before. Yes they will tell you that nothing is wrong because they have those foggy glasses on and everything seems fine to them. If only we would just leave there life would be less complicated right? I am at the end of my rope, we now know my wife has a major chemical imbalance because of menapose, hypothyroid and adrenal fatige. I have all the steps scheduled for her to get the help she needs but she resents me for doing it so she keeps stalling. She just got back last week froma month at moms to destress and leaves next week again for 3 weeks. I really want to stay here or don't come back but it is like fighting with a person in a wheelchair. I don't know what to do. So yes, we both are in a situation that is very difficult and as devoted as we are enentually if they don't get help we will give up. I am on the wall right now and watching my life go by all I need is a slight breeze and I am going over. I hope you have more stamina than I, for me it has been 8 motnhs now. I know 2010 will be a year I will never forget but right now I do not know the outcome.
Has he had his Thyroid levels check and seen a throid dr. that will treat a subclinical tsh level. That is very inportant. It is common in women but does happen in men also. Go to the thyroid/depression post and look for the post with the web sites they may help.

Good Luck


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

There is another website with a message board I used to visit years ago called depressionfallout.com. It is dedicated to people living with depressed loved ones. Depression Fallout is also the name of a book that deals with this subject.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

My H suffers from depression. You can read my story under the reconciliation story area. It was a HARD road until he got treatment. Life now, is pretty darn amazing. Medication and therapy so he could face his issues (most stemming from childhood) were the start of what got us back on track. Good luck, its NOT easy to be the spouse of a depressed person, because their behavior can be so erratic, hurtful and destructive, and they are to lost to understand the pain it causes.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

thanks to all!

ttc and mb i do remember you both!

mb im glad to hear you are doing much better! i remember your story as i see a lot of you in me! i do for me and our girls, and am here for him...to listen and support. until he gets help, i cant do much more...

ttc im glad she is getting the help she deserves...its NOT easy for either partner! with h it is not his thyroid...he has low testosterone though and dr feels it is also a mlc ...i hear you but dont give up!!!


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## MrsFarris (Dec 11, 2009)

When I was very depressed, I slept constantly and did not go out unless I needed to. Also, I lost weight because personally when I am sad I don't eat. However, some depressed people may gain weight because they "eat their feelings" so to speak, so it depends on the individual person. Having recovered I now recognize the signs, but as it was happening you don't realize it, its as if you are slowly slipping into a fog until one day you wake up and just feel like you have no reason to live. He may say that nothing is wrong because it is very hard to verbalize what is actually going on and if there isn't one particular reason why the depression started then they really might now know what is really wrong. 

Counseling helps, and chances are a counselor would suggest antidepressants, which REALLY do help if you are actually depressed.


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## daddio (Dec 26, 2009)

It is hard for a depressed person to recognize they are depressed since it is such a gradual process and often something they have lived with since birth. (personal experience). Often it takes a catastrophic event such as a suicide attempt for the sufferer to realize how bad off they are. I strongly suggest a counselor for both of you, or at least you for now, so you can develop some skills to deal with this.


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