# is it worth saving?



## deborah (Jul 2, 2010)

I have been with my husband for five years we have two children. I have always worked but last year the fall of the economy i lost my job and our second car-now it is better for me to get unemployment and stay home while he works--but although we make enough to live my husband spends more then we make forcing me to ask my parents for money to pay the mortgage--also i found out he lied to me about our money in the bank he has been getting payday advances and we are even more behind then i thought.....i am deeply hurt by this and every discussion we ever have turns into him being stressed out because he works and i do not---im ready to leave even though i dont believe in divorce and our kids will be hurt....any suggestions---or does it just sound over?:scratchhead:


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You've got a problem. I lived with something similar going on for the past 5 years--but on a much larger scale. Unfortunately, I lived in denial the first three years. And by the time I faced reality, our business was too far gone. That's great you can see what he is doing. 

From experience, begging and pleading with him to control his spending isn't going to work. The very fact he is lying tells me a lot. People lie to cover up and hide things. So, what is he hiding? What's so important that he is willing to forgo paying the mortgage? And when he is confronted by his reckless spend, he then shifts the blame to you (for being unemployed). You really need to know what is really going on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Waves* Me, too. By the time I looked at my husband's bills, he had over $80,000 in credit card debt. So I told him I'm taking over the bills, after he went to CCC with me and refused to sign up for their program. I've got it down $20,000, but it's a long road ahead.

Try taking over the finances. If he refuses, kick him out.


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## bleedingheart (Jun 3, 2010)

I know the thought of divorce may be scary, and the emotional diress your concerned it will cause your kids also. Yet from my experience somtimes you may be causing your children more harm long term by jeopordizing their financial and physical security. It may not be over , but someone has to take financial responsibility for the children's sake. Children are amazing, a lot more understanding and forgiving than I think we adults give them credit. In the end they will know who had their well being and best interest in mind.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

If you stay, the first thing you need to do is ensure you have access to the bank account and it's info, and take over the bill paying yourself. This way you know how much money you two have, and you know the bills that need to be paid are getting paid. If he refuses or fights you on this, then there is a major problem. He's hiding something major. However, I also agree with bleedingheart that sometimes it's better for the children to end things. Two happy parents in separate homes is better than two miserable parents in the same home. The tension and stress wears on the kids the same as it does the adults.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I have a completely different take on this. He is telling you that he does not agree that "it is better for me not to work." He doesn't agree that "we make enough to live." 

You have a basic disagreement on the facts. Perhaps compromise is in order.


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