# Affair vs. fling vs. casual sex vs. FB, etc.



## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

Could I please get opinions on this question....

H had " relationship " with co- worker. Flirting over 4 month period. Went over to her house during lunch hour 4 times. 15-20 minutes each time. Because of work...one or the other were always out of town.

1st year....
1st time....He MB in front of her.
2nd time....MB each other.
March and August..

2nd year....
3rd time....MB each other.
4Th time....intercourse.
March and July.

Then she moved away. There was little talk when over there, no kissing, no hugging, no emotional connection. Was only role playing each others fantasies outside.
Didn't have cell phones or home computers at that time. (Years ago). It's established it was cheating obviously. But....

Would you consider this a:

1)....Long term affair
2).. Casual sex
3)....fling
4)....f*^k buddies
5)....friends with benefits
6) anything else?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would call it "casual sex", but what difference does the label make? Is one easier to take than the others?

C


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## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

Maybe...maybe not....it's been described as just that. Just seems that to have gone on over a 2yr. period (not to mention treating me like ****) it would have to have had more emotion to it, which is adamantly denied.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why would you believe anything that was said? Whether it was 4 times or 8, whether they had sex more than just the once, whether there was emotions involved, whether they kissed... You'll likely never have the complete truth. 

Are you still in the relationship?

C


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

What label you put to it doesn't matter, what does is the damage done to you and your marriage. It was established that it was cheating, so why does a label on the type of "relationship" it was matter?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

There is only one thing to call it "cheating", the degree or amount of cheating doesn't matter.
Don't let him cheat you out of future happiness, kick his sorry arse to the curb, do some work on yourself and go get the life you deserve, don't waste time on scumbags.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

If he's saying, "It was just sex...for 2 years...it meant nothing"

Then I'd run away fast. Obviously if he feels that it makes it more "OK" because it was "just sex" then he's going to do it again.

I know you love him but he's an a$$hole that needs to be on the curb. He's not going to change.


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## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

Thanks for all the replays. Maybe I'm just kidding myself but I guess I'm just trying to make sence and find a scenario I can maybe get past.

For me, the reasons and why seem to make a difference. Things were not good at the time and we were both not happy and had disconnected from each other. 

Nothing makes it excusable i very well know. I was unhappy but didn't cheat. It's just that 30years of marriage is hard to chuck, especially for something that happened 18 years ago.

I see others on the forum who have been just as devastated but are still trying to recover and honestly, wether it's possible or not, I hope to try as well.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

How did you find out? How did you confirm that you have the truth and the whole truth?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

How did you find out that he cheated on you 18 years ago? Did he tell you at the time, or have you only just found out?

I don't think it matters which label you put on it. Your H cheated on you.


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## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

We were recently talking about that time frame on night and not being close during then and that's when he told me.

The fact that he was able to lie and keep it from me for so long is a real problem. 

All I've done is grill him over and over, but still plan to have him take a poly. With the way my works....it calls for it in order to know he is telling the truth.

We'll go from there.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Poly is not reliable.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

broken30 said:


> The fact that he was able to lie and keep it from me for so long is a real problem.


Of course. And he's been trickle-truthing. Minimizing. 

It's enough to drive a girl crazy. Hang in there.


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