# Opening the marriage



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

My husband followed me here and read some of my posts, which kicked off a huge fight. But the fight kind of cleared the air a bit. So anyway, for all those who keep asking to send him here, he's here, reading all of this. 

He is still very hesitant about fully opening the marriage and I am still insistent on it. It is non negotiable for me. He has asked for some time to adjust and deal with his mental issues regarding what's to happen. I've agreed to wait for awhile longer. He agreed to going to a sex club in Toronto as a way to step into the waters and he has some fantasies he wants to play out. I've been wanting to go to the club for awhile now and it's encouraging that he is looking forward to it. 

After many long discussions it seems he has a lot of hang ups about sex and is intimidated by my forwardness and open mindedness. A lot of his push back about the open marriage is fear based and not at all logical, which we will work to overcome with time and effort. He thinks I'm looking for romance or a replacement for him, which couldn't be further from the truth. He's worried that I'll get pregnant or get a disease. I told him I'm too old to get pregnant and explained how fertility works at my age and that seemed to calm him down a bit. I dug around a bit to make sure he wasn't harboring any notions of ownership or control, jealousy, or male ego/pride and that that's not what was stopping him. Initially I thought that he was against the open marriage because he thought he owned me or had a claim on me and that made me so freaking furious that I was a bit harsh with him. I simply won't tolerate any of that nonsense. He kept referring to me as 'my wife' as in 'I don't want MY WIFE doing....' and we had to hash out how that wasn't appropriate. 

We've talked about seeing a marriage therapist, though I think it's a waste of money. If he books the appointment though, I'll go. I'm in individual therapy for depression and anger issues stemming from my childhood. We both have massive amounts of childhood trauma.

We talked again of divorce. It's not off the table but it's not a choice either of us want at this moment. 

I explained to my husband as clearly as I could that more than random sex I want freedom and autonomy. I want the freedom to decide who I have sex with, or even IF I have sex. Those two words, freedom and autonomy, mean more to me than any others. True freedom and autonomy and monogamous marriage are incompatible. You can't have freedom and be traditionally married.

Beyond that, I want what I missed out on by getting married as a stupid kid. I want my husband to have the same experiences. We both missed out on so much of life. It is embarrassing and humiliating to be this age and to have had only one sex partner. It is my biggest regret in life and it's time to fix it.

I opened an AM account and was immediately slammed with offers. I'm not interested in any of them. The whole thing feels pathetic, grimy, and seedy. I don't think I'll find what I'm looking for on sites like that. I haven't even looked at Tinder or the other sites. 
I don't know how to find potential partners, I assume, hopefully, the swingers clubs will provide some idea of how that works. I know there are open marriages and swingers on here so, let me know. I live a very quiet and reserved life so I'm not sure how to even find a partner without resorting to something like AM. 

I feel like I'm rambling now so TLDR Husband found my posts here, we fought, decided not to divorce right now and we will be attending a sex club for the first time.next month. I'm curious how swingers find partners irl.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

“The whole thing feels pathetic, grimy and seedy”.
You just described yourself perfectly.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

You are so full of yourself. Me me me. Good for you, do what you want. And watch your marriage crash and burn in the process. I’m sure it will be someone else’s fault when that happens.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

.








11 your wife claims you’re controlling
10 your wife says you’re insecure because she wants to screw other men.
9 your wife wants you to go to a swap meet
8 your wife won’t get a job but wants “autonomy”
7 your wife tells you that you suck in bed
6 your wife has an AM account
5 being a virgin when married brings your wife shame
4 being pumped and dumped by random men is your wife’s dream come true
3 your wife thinks marrying you was the worst thing she ever did
2 you are told that “it’s going to happen” and you’ll have to get over it, referring to your wife banging other guys
1 Your wife is Thatredhead


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> .
> View attachment 87596
> 
> 11 your wife claims you’re controlling
> ...


Oooh aren't you sassy and clever!


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Dude if you are reading this RUN LIKE HELL. This women is only a pain trap.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

If you two want that kind of lifestyle that's your business. You don't need anybody's permission nor approval. 

But, like I said to you before:



Rob_1 said:


> I don't know if your husband knows of your desires, but in the eventuality that he knows, then it seems that you know that you have a weak, pathetic, beta dude as a husband. A man that has no self respect to be able to accept your demands. I as a man that has self respect and dignity, the moment you come to me with that crap that would be the last moment you would talk to me as as a wife/partner. I would immediately kick you out of my life, so that you can go get gang banged if that's what you desire, but not as my woman. Probably in the environment where you are there are too many beta dudes that give you the idea that you just can do that with a man. I tell you as a matter of fact not as condoning it, but in a lot parts of the world your demand would be met with violence towards you.


Not just that but a little universal biological lesson for your husband:

Mother nature in order to weed out the weak, the undesirable genes, has in her own way created a neat way of making sure that those genes do not get passed on by the way these men react in an aberration to the natural instinct for men, which is to ensure that their genes are the ones that are being pass on and not that of other men by ensuring that their mate does not strays and mate with another man.
But, the weak aberrant males upon the notion of their mate being taken by other men is a source of excitement, which after the mating the aberrant male upon his mate being pregnant wouldn't know if the progeny was his or not, therefore the most likely result was the other males impregnating the female and the aberrant male rasing someone else's progeny. That's Mother nature ensuring that his genes do not get passed on.


Nowadays it doesn't matter due to modern Medicine, the pill and DNA testing. But still is not a desirable trait for a male to allow his woman to **** others dude. No matter what a small segment of the population preach about about it as something to emulate. I say to your husband ******** to that. The fact that you are mulling about it indicates to me that you are a weak dude, afraid to lose your woman, like if she's the only one in this planet that you could have. Kick her to the curb if you have balls and self respect.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Thatredhead said:


> Oooh aren't you sassy and clever!


I know you’re just yanking chains on here, but wouldn’t you agree those are pretty good signs that your h should send you packing, if you really believe what you post?


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

It’s a mark of shame to be married to the only person you’ve ever had sex with? Damn, what sort of bizarro world do we live in. What you are about to find out is that your fantasy isn’t going to play out in the real world the way you’ve imagined.

Husband, if you are reading this please find your balls and drop this trash. The feelings she wants you to suppress are completely normal but they don’t align with her narcissistic world view.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> My husband followed me here and read some of my posts, which kicked off a huge fight. But the fight kind of cleared the air a bit. So anyway, for all those who keep asking to send him here, he's here, reading all of this.
> 
> He is still very hesitant about fully opening the marriage and I am still insistent on it. It is non negotiable for me. He has asked for some time to adjust and deal with his mental issues regarding what's to happen. I've agreed to wait for awhile longer. He agreed to going to a sex club in Toronto as a way to step into the waters and he has some fantasies he wants to play out. I've been wanting to go to the club for awhile now and it's encouraging that he is looking forward to it.
> 
> ...


If I were your husband, I would give you your freedom and autonomy immediately.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hey OP’s husband —

Odds are she’s already opened the marriage and is looking to legitimize her side relationship(s).

Just divorce her.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If you’re a virgin when married, and only has sex with your husband, how do you know he sucks in bed? Either you’ve been with another dude or three, or he may be playing a nice tune and you are just tone deaf.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You have a very flawed view on this subject.

I had a pretty extensive number and variety of partners before meeting my wife and I can tell you the experiences before my wife added nothing to my relationship with her nor did they help in anyway.

I envy those who are married to their one and only partner and I wish I could have only been with my wife.

I'm in favor of and encouraging you to better yourself financially and divorce.

Your husband sounds very lazy both in regards to his own health and improving sexually.

Leaving a partner who won't commit to working on the relationship makes sense.

You, however, are also too lazy to improve yourself enough to actually get independent and date honorably.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

There is no universe where wanting your husband to support you financially until you find your new guy after sleeping around while rubbing it in his face makes you the good guy. Everyone understands your situation perfectly and so do you. Your husband isn’t the selfish monster in this scenario.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> There is no universe where wanting your husband to support you financially until you find your new guy after sleeping around while rubbing it in his face makes you the good guy. Everyone understands your situation perfectly and so do you. Your husband isn’t the selfish monster in this scenario.


I'm not looking for a new guy. Just some additional c0ck. I know I've said it here before and I'll say it again, there is nothing in this world that could make me want another relationship with a man. I am repulsed by the idea. It's bad enough that I'm in one now, not looking for another. Ew. 

I expect my husband to accompany me on this journey of growth and discovery. That is not asking too much.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I laud the OP for her use of paragraphs and actual sentences. 

As to the content, I missed the question but no, just no.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> You have a very flawed view on this subject.
> 
> I had a pretty extensive number and variety of partners before meeting my wife and I can tell you the experiences before my wife added nothing to my relationship with her nor did they help in anyway.
> 
> ...


This is what I wish people would understand. She is going to find that casual sex with strangers is unfulfilling.

Hell, I’ve slept with a runner up for Penthouse Pet of the Year and to say that my experiences with my wife have been more intimate, intense, exciting, and pleasurable would be an understatement.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> You have a very flawed view on this subject.
> 
> I had a pretty extensive number and variety of partners before meeting my wife and I can tell you the experiences before my wife added nothing to my relationship with her nor did they help in anyway.


You can only say that by dint of you having had those experiences though. If you hadn't, you could just as easily find yourself filled with regret and anger as I am. You got that fulfillment so you have no idea what it's like to be without it.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Thatredhead said:


> I'm not looking for a new guy. Just some additional c0ck. I know I've said it here before and I'll say it again, there is nothing in this world that could make me want another relationship with a man. I am repulsed by the idea. It's bad enough that I'm in one now, not looking for another. Ew.
> 
> I expect my husband to accompany me on this journey of growth and discovery. That is not asking too much.


Sounds more like a journey to discover growths.

Either way, that’s some quality gaslighting.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> You can only say that by dint of you having had those experiences though. If you hadn't, you could just as easily find yourself filled with regret and anger as I am. You got that fulfillment so you have no idea what it's like to be without it.


You can't undo once done and you won't be able to take it back once it is done.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> If you’re a virgin when married, and only has sex with your husband, how do you know he sucks in bed? Either you’ve been with another dude or three, or he may be playing a nice tune and you are just tone deaf.


I was a virgin, so was he. I've only had sex with him. I don't know what he's been up to on the side. And I can tell you the sex SUCKS. He'd tell you that too. Neither of us knew what we were doing when we started and it went downhill from there. We BOTH need to practice with other people, preferably skilled ones. 
He says the sex sucks because he wants more intimacy. I don't want any intimacy. He says I'm like a robot, I think he is too emotional and vulnerable. He cums too easily so there is really no point in me even getting into it, I'll just be disappointed. Any emotion from him is a turn off for me, yet he wants more emotion from me. It's a mess.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm not sure why you are posting here. You've decided you want to open up the marriage. Although your husband is hesitant, it sounds like he is willing to give it a try.

For you, it's definitely a lifestyle you want to pursue. I'm not here to judge .. after all, it's your life. But, as I said, I'm confused as to why you're posting. After all, you're using the laugh emoji when folks make comments with which you don't agree.

If your husband decides he isn't completely on board, it sounds like a divorce will be the outcome. Again, why post about something you've already decided to do? Surely our agreement or disagreement is'nt relevant.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I’m honestly confused as to why you want to stay married. You are very adverse to any commitment and perceive it as controlling. What you seem to want is a world where you can do whatever you want with no consequences for your actions. You seem extremely bitter that you got married and even bitter about other marriages where people make a commitment to each other.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

GusPolinski said:


> Either way, that’s some quality gaslighting.


How's that? I'm being very transparent 

It's like no one can grasp the concept of wanting no strings attached sex. No romance. No relationship. No looking for the next better deal. Honestly ask yourself why I'd jump into another relationship with another man when I despise the very idea of a man having any sort of control over me. There is no incentive for me to find another man. Men have one good feature and that's all I'm interested in.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> I was a virgin, so was he. I've only had sex with him. I don't know what he's been up to on the side. And I can tell you the sex SUCKS. He'd tell you that too. Neither of us knew what we were doing when we started and it went downhill from there. We BOTH need to practice with other people, preferably skilled ones.
> He says the sex sucks because he wants more intimacy. I don't want any intimacy. He says I'm like a robot, I think he is too emotional and vulnerable. He cums too easily so there is really no point in me even getting into it, I'll just be disappointed. Any emotion from him is a turn off for me, yet he wants more emotion from me. It's a mess.


You sound very emotionally damaged. It’s not normal for a woman to just want to be pumped and dumped. Maybe you should explore a career in the porn industry. Lots of sex with experienced partners, no emotional connection, and you get paid for it.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> You sound very emotionally damaged. It’s not normal for a woman to just want to be pumped and dumped. Maybe you should explore a career in the porn industry. Lots of sex with experienced partners, no emotional connection, and you get paid for it.


I guess we hang out with different types of people then. It's very normal from what I've observed. I've never tried it so maybe I wouldn't like it, but it sounds absolutely perfect. Having a casual sexual relationship seems to me like having a pet, but without the work.

And I have thought about doing porn. I'm not at all opposed to it, but I think I'm too old now.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Have you tried pegging him? It may be beneficial, or it may confirm the status quo.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

To husband: your self-centered child for a wife is going to do what she wants with or without you.

Dont let her throw a little tantrum and make you believe all this ******** she’s spouting. It’s nonsense. She will find some **** she likes and out you go.

Divorce her and be done with this.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

CharlieParker said:


> Have you tried pegging him? It may be beneficial, or it may confirm the status quo.


Eww. No. That is not at all in my play book
Butt stuff is a no go.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Thatredhead said:


> How's that? I'm being very transparent
> 
> It's like no one can grasp the concept of wanting no strings attached sex. No romance. No relationship. No looking for the next better deal. Honestly ask yourself why I'd jump into another relationship with another man when I despise the very idea of a man having any sort of control over me. There is no incentive for me to find another man. Men have one good feature and that's all I'm interested in.


No, we get it. We’re not trying to convince you of anything. You’re a lost cause.

And that’s what we want your husband to understand — that what ^all of this^ means is that you’re a poor candidate for any sort of meaningful relationship, especially marriage.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Again, why bother posting here to argue with those who disagree?

After all, it's your life, your choice.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> Eww. No. That is not at all in my play book
> Butt stuff is a no go.


See you aren’t even as adventurous as some of us married folks. 😂😂😂

As for your age, porn stars come in all ages. Give it a shot.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> I’m honestly confused as to why you want to stay married. You are very adverse to any commitment and perceive it as controlling. What you seem to want is a world where you can do whatever you want with no consequences for your actions. You seem extremely bitter that you got married and even bitter about other marriages where people make a commitment to each other.


I am exceedingly bitter that I got married. I was a stupid, desperate, brainwashed child. I didn't know any better and did what I thought I had to to survive. There are big parts of my story that I'm leaving out that would probably help this all make sense, but I'm not comfortable explaining everything that happened. 

I have to stay married for financial reasons and because I do love my husband. We have a life together. A mortgage, businesses, property. Why ruin all of that over ****ty sex when the solution is so easy and so obvious? 

I may seem bitter towards other people's marriages simply because I think the institution has outlived its usefulness. I feel sorry for other married women. Marriage is outdated and passé afaic, and those who claim it's benefits seem suspicious and fake to me. I've never seen or been exposed to a marriage that was a good one, though, so i will admit my bias.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> He's worried that I'll get pregnant or get a disease. I told him I'm too old to get pregnant and explained how fertility works at my age and that seemed to calm him down a bit.


In your other thread you married just out of high school and you've been married 20 years. So your husband is really THAT gullible, THAT naive, to think that women don't get pregnant past 40?

Please, set your husband free. You talk about autonomy and freedom. It sounds like you're trying to control your husband's life. You're even gaslighting him regarding risks of expanding sex outside your marriage. You mentioned your husband followed you here. Is he posting? Would be interesting to hear things from his side.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

GusPolinski said:


> And that’s what we want your husband to understand — that what ^all of this^ means is that you’re a poor candidate for any sort of meaningful relationship, especially marriage.


He knows that better than any of you lol. He has to live with me. I am not marriage material at all. But I'm stuck in it now and trying to do right by us both.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Casual Observer said:


> In your other thread you married just out of high school and you've been married 20 years. So your husband is really THAT gullible, THAT naive, to think that women don't get pregnant past 40?
> 
> Please, set your husband free. You talk about autonomy and freedom. It sounds like you're trying to control your husband's life. You're even gaslighting him regarding risks of expanding sex outside your marriage. You mentioned your husband followed you here. Is he posting? Would be interesting to hear things from his side.


someone should have told my wife she couldn’t get pregnant at age 38. 😂😂😂

I’m glad she did though because I’ve got a little 5 year old boy running around now. Well not little, he’s already over 4 foot tall and 80 pounds. He’s obsessed with Darth Vader, Karate Kid, and The Hulk. He’s kind of an asshole but he’s a lovable asshole.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Casual Observer said:


> In your other thread you married just out of high school and you've been married 20 years. So your husband is really THAT gullible, THAT naive, to think that women don't get pregnant past 40?
> 
> Please, set your husband free. You talk about autonomy and freedom. It sounds like you're trying to control your husband's life. You're even gaslighting him regarding risks of expanding sex outside your marriage. You mentioned your husband followed you here. Is he posting? Would be interesting to hear things from his side.


 There is a less than 5% chance that a woman 40 or over will get pregnant in any given cycle. And that chance decreases with each cycle. So yeah the chances of a surprise pregnancy are close enough to nil to be disregarded. Not that it never happens, but the likelihood is so low that it sure won't keep me up at night. 

My husband has all the freedom in the world. He can leave if he wants. I'm not stopping him or barring the door. 

Where am I gaslighting? I keep getting accused but no one is pointing out what I'm saying that's not 100% true or accurate. 

I'm certain he's reading all of this. He may decide to post. It certainly would be interesting.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Again, why bother posting here to argue with those who disagree?
> 
> After all, it's your life, your choice.


I don't intend to argue. I want differing view points, I want to understand my husband better. His stubbornness on this issue is infuriating and I want to know why he thinks and acts like he does. Unfortunately there are a lot of cavemen, for lack of a better term, on here. The prehistoric mindset is difficult to avoid arguing with. 

I also understood that there are swingers and spouses with open marriages on this board. I'm interested in their perspectives.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> There is a less than 5% chance that a woman 40 or over will get pregnant in any given cycle. And that chance decreases with each cycle. So yeah the chances of a surprise pregnancy are close enough to nil to be disregarded. Not that it never happens, but the likelihood is so low that it sure won't keep me up at night.
> 
> My husband has all the freedom in the world. He can leave if he wants. I'm not stopping him or barring the door.
> 
> ...


Math isn't my favorite subject, but 5% chance of pregnancy during any given cycle, times 12 cycles per year, adds up to something a whole lot more than "nil." Even if it was 1% it would be far more than nil. So I'm not sure if you're fooling your husband or yourself. Do I get the prize for pointing out you've told your husband something that's not 100% true or accurate?

Also, you brought up his fears of STDs, but you didn't mention how you addressed that.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> See you aren’t even as adventurous as some of us married folks. 😂😂😂


Ugh...the bacteria....🤢🤢



> As for your age, porn stars come in all ages. Give it a shot.


It's definitely a backup plan. I've heard how much people make just selling pics of feet. I'm seriously considering it.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

My suggestion is you PM the folks who have open marriages and discuss it with them in a one-on-one. There are two men that I know of who are in open marriages and post here.

Hey, it's not for me, but whatever floats you boat .


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> Ugh...the bacteria....🤢🤢
> 
> 
> 
> It's definitely a backup plan. I've heard how much people make just selling pics of feet. I'm seriously considering it.


Well keep in mind many of the random dudes you hope to hook up with are going to be into butt stuff. I’m sorry, I’m just trolling you at this point.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Casual Observer said:


> Math isn't my favorite subject, but 5% chance of pregnancy during any given cycle, times 12 cycles per year, adds up to something a whole lot more than "nil." Even if it was 1% it would be far more than nil. So I'm not sure if you're fooling your husband or yourself. Do I get the prize for pointing out you've told your husband something that's not 100% true or accurate?
> 
> Also, you brought up his fears of STDs, but you didn't mention how you addressed that.


Well if we're doing the math I'm 41.5 and mid cycle so my chances of pregnancy are even less than .5% per cycle. 

Basically if I was wanting to get pregnant, everyone would say I'm too old and would need IVF. The slim chance of an unplanned pregnancy at my age doesn't concern me one bit. Besides which, I'm in Canada and have access to safe abortion. Fear of pregnancy will not stop me. 

Diseases do give me pause. The thought of catching something disgusting from someone is a concern. Safe sex and condoms would be non negotiable. That's another thing I want to learn about from other people in open marriages. How I stay safe and keep my husband safe are very important steps that need to be outlined before any of this starts.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> My suggestion is you PM the folks who have open marriages and discuss it with them in a one-on-one. There are two men that I know of who are in open marriages and post here.
> 
> Hey, it's not for me, but whatever floats you boat .


Concur. I’m sure there are men on here who would be more than happy to “help” you sleep around. I hope your husband leaves you. That would be best for him and certainly better for your poor children.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> Well if we're doing the math I'm 41.5 and mid cycle so my chances of pregnancy are even less than .5% per cycle.
> 
> Basically if I was wanting to get pregnant, everyone would say I'm too old and would need IVF. The slim chance of an unplanned pregnancy at my age doesn't concern me one bit. Besides which, I'm in Canada and have access to safe abortion. Fear of pregnancy will not stop me.
> 
> Diseases do give me pause. The thought of catching something disgusting from someone is a concern. Safe sex and condoms would be non negotiable. That's another thing I want to learn about from other people in open marriages. How I stay safe and keep my husband safe are very important steps that need to be outlined before any of this starts.


Condoms do not protect you from Herpes, syphilis and genital warts.


----------



## shymalea62 (12 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> I don't intend to argue. I want differing view points, I want to understand my husband better. His stubbornness on this issue is infuriating and I want to know why he thinks and acts like he does. Unfortunately there are a lot of cavemen, for lack of a better term, on here. The prehistoric mindset is difficult to avoid arguing with.
> 
> I also understood that there are swingers and spouses with open marriages on this board. I'm interested in their perspectives.


i think your husband is a bit old fashioned ,still thinking women must obey en open their legs for sex.I,m very happy my wife told me years ago she wasn,t happy in our marriage,so she asked me if i would trust her when from now on she was taking control,and i love it,she wears sexy outfits,teasing me&other men,i just want to say that it saved our marriage


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> Again, why bother posting here to argue with those who disagree?
> 
> After all, it's your life, your choice.


I don't see the point of this thread either. The husband is going to agree - albeit reluctantly - or they are going to divorce. One of them is going to be unhappy and I guess that'll be the husband.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Thatredhead said:


> I am exceedingly bitter that I got married. I was a stupid, desperate, brainwashed child. I didn't know any better and did what I thought I had to to survive. There are big parts of my story that I'm leaving out that would probably help this all make sense, but I'm not comfortable explaining everything that happened.
> 
> I have to stay married for financial reasons and because I do love my husband. We have a life together. A mortgage, businesses, property. Why ruin all of that over ****ty sex when the solution is so easy and so obvious?
> 
> I may seem bitter towards other people's marriages simply because *I think the institution has outlived its usefulness.* I feel sorry for other married women. Marriage is outdated and passé afaic, and those who claim it's benefits seem suspicious and fake to me. I've never seen or been exposed to a marriage that was a good one, though, so i will admit my bias.


You are staying married for financial reasons, which means marriage is useful to you. 

At 18, it was legal for you to get married, so stop using being too young and child like as an excuse. 
Being in or near Toronto, you are probably a Trudeau voter/supporter and likely have the victim mindset. Nothing is your fault, ever.

Hopefully your husband starts his own thread and gets the help he desperately needs.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> I don't intend to argue. I want differing view points, I want to understand my husband better. His stubbornness on this issue is infuriating and I want to know why he thinks and acts like he does.


I think it's pretty simple: he loves you and he doesn't want to share you with other men. Or he doesn't love you and he is doing it to punish you, for whatever reason. Which one is it?


----------



## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Thatredhead said:


> I was a virgin, so was he. I've only had sex with him. I don't know what he's been up to on the side. And I can tell you the sex SUCKS. He'd tell you that too. Neither of us knew what we were doing when we started and it went downhill from there. We BOTH need to practice with other people, preferably skilled ones.
> He says the sex sucks because he wants more intimacy. I don't want any intimacy. He says I'm like a robot, I think he is too emotional and vulnerable. He cums too easily so there is really no point in me even getting into it, I'll just be disappointed. Any emotion from him is a turn off for me, yet he wants more emotion from me. It's a mess.


Following are sensible options:

*SEX THERAPY*









Sex Therapy: Couples, Techniques, and What Does a Sex Therapist Do?


Sex therapy is talk therapy that's designed to help individuals and couples address medical, psychological, personal, or interpersonal factors impacting sexual satisfaction. The goal of sex therapy is to help people move past physical and emotional challenges to have a satisfying relationship...




www.healthline.com





*IF* your husband have Premature Ejaculation problem then:






Premature Ejaculation: Causes & Treatment - Urology Care Foundation


Ejaculation is the release of semen from the body. Premature ejaculation (PE) is when ejaculation happens sooner than a man or his partner would like during sex. PE is also known as rapid ejaculation, premature climax or early ejaculation. PE might not be a cause for worry. It can be...




www.urologyhealth.org





_This issue can be addressed._

*IF* you want your husband to last longer while having sex with you then tell him to try *Cialis*.

_5 - 10 mg dosage can be sufficient. _

When your husband takes the pill, he should wait 15 minutes before initiating intercourse.









Questions and Answers for Cialis (tadalafil)







www.fda.gov





-----

You are choosing a path to address your intimacy problems which might destroy your marriage instead. Do you hang around with swingers or something? You need to find new friends then.

You were a virgin when you married your husband? How is this a matter to complain about? Many a men would want to marry a virgin - I kid you not. Heck, I married a virgin and I am happy.

Promiscuity does not guarantee a fulfilling life.

*FYI*









My Wife’s Wild Sexual Past Is Now Haunting Me in More Ways Than One


I’m now convinced this may be a reason not to be so promiscuous in younger years.




slate.com





Sooner or later, your lifestyle choices will affect you in unexpected ways. You must learn how to be productive and a good partner instead. You must try your best to FIX your marriage instead.

The grass is NOT greener on the other side but where you choose to WATER it.



Thatredhead said:


> I am exceedingly bitter that I got married. I was a stupid, desperate, brainwashed child. I didn't know any better and did what I thought I had to to survive. There are big parts of my story that I'm leaving out that would probably help this all make sense, but I'm not comfortable explaining everything that happened.
> 
> I have to stay married for financial reasons and because I do love my husband. We have a life together. A mortgage, businesses, property. Why ruin all of that over ****ty sex when the solution is so easy and so obvious?
> 
> I may seem bitter towards other people's marriages simply because I think the institution has outlived its usefulness. I feel sorry for other married women. Marriage is outdated and passé afaic, and those who claim it's benefits seem suspicious and fake to me. I've never seen or been exposed to a marriage that was a good one, though, so i will admit my bias.


Maybe talk to those women who wasted their prime years sleeping around and are unable to lock down a decent man for marriage when they are older? Many have regrets and find solace in cats now.

The institution of marriage is the bedrock of human civilization. It separates humans from wild animals by transforming 'reproduction' into a responsible practice, and have much wider societal effects including shaping birthrate trend(s) and creating best environment for the children to be raised and transformed into responsible citizens.

On a personal level, you get a man to build your life (and family) with, who commits to you for life and takes full responsibility for the fulfillment of your needs including food, shelter and protection through thick and thin. You are supposed to keep your side of the bargain.

Humans are not perfect, however.

Humans can have psychological and/or biological problems to sort out.
Humans learn from their experiences and mistakes, and attempt to course-correct their journey.
In these modern times, WE have access to incredible amount of information in our homes via digital technologies. You can learn much from interacting with people on platforms which concern you like TAM, and also from people who have shared their life-experiences on the web. You do not have to repeat the same mistakes when you have ample perspective.

You are sold to the notion of 'open marriage' but you are putting your marriage at risk in the process. *IF* your marriage falls apart and you are unable to find a better partner for yourself at a later stage then what will you do? You need to ponder over this.

Refer back to the 'options' suggested above.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I'm surprised this thread has gone this long? If a guy posted this, he would have been run out of town at first daylight.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Thatredhead said:


> I was a virgin, so was he. I've only had sex with him. I don't know what he's been up to on the side. And I can tell you the sex SUCKS. He'd tell you that too. Neither of us knew what we were doing when we started and it went downhill from there. We BOTH need to practice with other people, preferably skilled ones.
> He says the sex sucks because he wants more intimacy. I don't want any intimacy. He says I'm like a robot, I think he is too emotional and vulnerable. He cums too easily so there is really no point in me even getting into it, I'll just be disappointed. Any emotion from him is a turn off for me, yet he wants more emotion from me. It's a mess.


Have you ever had an orgasm?


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

OP husband: your wife hates you. Divorce the shank and give her nothing. She’s the definition of a *****.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

manwithnoname said:


> You are staying married for financial reasons, which means marriage is useful to you.
> 
> At 18, it was legal for you to get married, so stop using being too young and child like as an excuse.
> Being in or near Toronto, you are probably a Trudeau voter/supporter and likely have the victim mindset. Nothing is your fault, ever.
> ...


Domestic partnership is useful to me. I've explained here and to my husband that I dont WANT to be married but I am stuck in it now. 

18 is too young to make a drastic lifelong commitment. I don't care if it is legal. It's ethically wrong to allow children to sign away their lives before their brains are even finished developing. 

My political persuasion keeps getting called into this as though it were relevant. I'm not a Liberal or a fan of Trudeau lol. 

Literally ALL of this is my fault.I am the idiot who stepped up to the altar. I'm trying to fix this situation so it is liveable for both of us.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> I think it's pretty simple: he loves you and he doesn't want to share you with other men. Or he doesn't love you and he is doing it to punish you, for whatever reason. Which one is it?


He loves me and doesn't want to open our union to 3rd parties until he's sure I can handle it. IE, I won't run off with someone else. I've explained till I'm blue I'm not going anywhere with anyone. I don't want another partner. Just some strange on the side to scratch the itch and fill in what I've missed out on. 

There has to be the right combination of words that will make him wake up and understand. I just haven't figured it out yet.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Why is husband not posting on this thread?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> There has to be the right combination of words that will make him wake up and understand. I just haven't figured it out yet.


I think you just need the right choice of words to make you understand how dangerous this path is.

You can’t predict that you won’t find a **** that you fall in love with. Just like you couldn’t predict you would be where you are today. You think you can control it. But experience on this board is telling you otherwise.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

> You were a virgin when you married your husband? How is this a matter to complain about? Many a men would want to marry a virgin - I kid you not. Heck, I married a virgin and I am happy..


Yeah your happy, but is your wife? Does that matter to you? How do you know she isn't pining for some strange but is too afraid of you and your reaction to speak up about what her needs REALLY are. Have you ever even thought to ask? 
Being a virgin outside of your late teens is something to be ashamed of. I'm still embarrassed that I fell for the good Christian girl bs and though it was imperative to salvation to arrive a virgin at the altar. Now that I know that's all nonsense, I cringe in horror that I ever fell for it. 


> In these modern times, WE have access to incredible amount of information in our homes via digital technologies. You can learn much from interacting with people on platforms which concern you like TAM, and also from people who have shared their life-experiences on the web. You do not have to repeat the same mistakes when you have ample perspective.
> 
> You are sold to the notion of 'open marriage' but you are putting your marriage at risk in the process. *IF* your marriage falls apart and you are unable to find a better partner for yourself at a later stage then what will you do? You need to ponder over this.


If the marriage falls apart I want a tiny apartment all to myself. I will have no use for a partner at that stage, I certainly won't need one when I'm older. Once menopause hits this may all be a moot point. I likely won't want anything to do with men or sex, and an apartment full of cats would be perfect.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Not said:


> Why is husband not posting on this thread?


 I don't know. He stayed up all night reading everything I ever posted here.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

LOL. Kids nowadays.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Not said:


> Why is husband not posting on this thread?


FEAR!


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@Thatredhead It is sad that you are wrapping up all your self-worth, joy and happiness in ****ing yourself out. Your biggest regret in life is that you didn't get to sleep around. That is such a sad existence. You simply won't be happy till you spread your legs for another man, wow.

What I don't get is you say you want freedom and autonomy more than anything. You already have that. You are free to choose to do whatever you want, yet you seem to need your husband's permission. Why? You say you hate marriage, you don't really care if he decides to divorce you, but you are creating this self imposed barrier to your freedom and autonomy. I think what is really going on is you are totally selfish and a spoiled brat. You want the parts of marriage that you like and feel that benefit you, but not the parts that require a little self sacrifice. You don't fully love your husband, just the parts that benefit you. You want this freedom and autonomy more than anything, well not quite anything. *You value the financial benefit your husband brings to your life more than that freedom and autonomy. *You aren't trapped. You are making the choice to stay, choosing money over that freedom you claim to want so bad.

So, the solution is to badger him and emasculate him into doing what his selfish, entitled bratty wife wants. You come here and tell everyone he is a fat premature ejaculating dud in bed. All you missed was that he has a tiny penis. The next step in the emasculation is to bring him here to read about how you describe him to other people. Then the final step is to take him to a sex club so he can see how a real man will **** your brains out. That will finally show him how worthless he really is, oh, other than the paycheck.

Someone suggested that you PM some of the members here that have/had open marriage or were into swinging. Under some circumstances that would be good advice. I don't think they would help you because what you are actually doing is emotionally abusing your husband. You are using abuse to take advantage of his weakness and fears. To get him to agree to something he doesn't really want to do.

The bottom line is you aren't compatible. Getting married young and only having 1 sexual partner is not the problem. There are many examples here and elsewhere that prove your assertion is wrong. I'm my wife's 3rd and she is my 1st and we married young. We have an incredible sex life, now 32 years married and together 35 years. We are extremely compatible and we worked on our sex life together over the years. @Rus47 is another fine example of a couple that married young, only 1 sexual part for either and an incredible sex life, even now in there 60s/70s (sorry if I'm off on your age Rus). He and his wife are very compatible. There are lots of other examples and the common thread is compatibility and a selfless love for their spouse. You lack compatibility and any ability for selflessness. All that matters is you.


----------



## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

If the marriage is opened up, the potential good news for OP's husband is that if he manages to fall in love with another woman during the open marriage, assuming he has any success with meeting other women, the OP won't care and will not fight to keep him if he chooses to leave her for the other woman. It would be worse for him if he finds feelings for another woman only to have his wife suddenly change into desperately wanting to keep him. That's very unlikely to happen.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

You’ve made up your mind that you don’t want to be married. It seems like it was a marriage of convenience for you. Were you ever sexually attracted to your husband? Do you love him? Were you ever madly in love with him. If the answer is no then you probably should just divorce. It’s no fair for him to be strung along desperately wanting the type of relationship he’s never going to have. I’m actually not going to be super judgmental of you. You seem to have a lot of issues dating back to childhood and perhaps you’ve never seen a happy successful marriage modeled for you. Marriage isn’t easy and it requires sacrifice by both partners to make it work but that’s just what you do when you love someone. You seem to have this notion that marriage is just men controlling women but I could probably come up with 100 men with compelling evidence of the complete opposite and you both would be wrong.

You talk a lot about control and autonomy but you only seem to want those to apply to you. You think you will convince your husband of how wrong he is if you can just say the right words. What you are essentially saying is “he’s wrong, I’m right, he has no right to have these beliefs” which is a very controlling mindset. You’ve decided you are correct and the only reason he doesn’t agree with you is because he is controlling and not as enlightened as you. His beliefs are not only his beliefs that he’s entitled to but they are also widely held beliefs despite whatever messages you’ve been consuming to the contrary in an attempt to justify your beliefs.

You have to understand that you are on a marriage forum and the people here are pro marriage and are not going to side with you on this. I think for the most part no one cares what you do but we feel empathy for your husband. This is not what he signed up for and now he fears losing you if he doesn’t give in to your demands. We also know that the happiness you seek is not going to be found in an open marriage. The no strings attached sex which you expect to be so liberating will probably not be as fulfilling as you expect. I know right now a life of solitude and anonymous sex sounds exciting to you but in 30-40 years and you are all alone and have burned all your relationships it’s going to be a pathetic lonely existence.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Someone suggested that you PM some of the members here that have/had open marriage or were into swinging. Under some circumstances that would be good advice. I don't think they would help you because what you are actually doing is emotionally abusing your husband. You are using abuse to take advantage of his weakness and fears. To get him to agree to something he doesn't really want to do.


I was thinking this exact same thing!! They might be harsher to her about her attitude than we have been...deservedly so.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

It’s not a lifestyle I want any part of but the very few open marriages that seem to be thriving all seem to have a very intimate bond and a strong relationship to start with.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> He loves me and doesn't want to open our union to 3rd parties until he's sure I can handle it. IE, I won't run off with someone else. I've explained till I'm blue I'm not going anywhere with anyone. I don't want another partner. Just some strange on the side to scratch the itch and fill in what I've missed out on.
> 
> There has to be the right combination of words that will make him wake up and understand. I just haven't figured it out yet.


I get that... but how can you be sure you won't fall for someone? Having sex is a very intimate and bonding experience. You've never been with anybody else. So, how do you know? I suspect this is what your husband is fearing.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard divorced women claim they are swearing off men and don’t need a relationship and plan on never marrying again who are married within a year.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CallingDrLove said:


> I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard divorced women claim they are swearing off men and don’t need a relationship and plan on never marrying again who are married within a year.


Hard to get off that carousel


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

OddOne said:


> If the marriage is opened up, the potential good news for OP's husband is that if he manages to fall in love with another woman during the open marriage, assuming he has any success with meeting other women, the OP won't care and will not fight to keep him if he chooses to leave her for the other woman. It would be worse for him if he finds feelings for another woman only to have his wife suddenly change into desperately wanting to keep him. That's very unlikely to happen.


I dunno. She doesn’t want to have to support herself financially. She wants him to pay her bills while she sleeps around. So if he falls in love and tries to leave, I do think she’ll fight him, because she doesn’t want to lose her gravy train.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I dunno. She doesn’t want to have to support herself financially. She wants him to pay her bills while she sleeps around. So if he falls in love and tries to leave, I do think she’ll fight him, because she doesn’t want to lose her gravy train.


Yep, I was thinking the same thing. If it wasn't for money, she would have already left on her own. She won't fight to keep her husband, but she will fight for his paycheck.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I feel like the one overarching theme I sense I a complete and total lack of self awareness.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yep, I was thinking the same thing. If it wasn't for money, she would have already left on her own. She won't fight to keep her husband, but she will fight for his paycheck.


Until she finds a perfect fit for her lady parts and he comes with a paycheck.

Then suddenly everything will shift and hubby will be "so abusive to me"...yada yada bs


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)




----------



## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Until she finds a perfect fit for her lady parts and he comes with a paycheck.
> 
> Then suddenly everything will shift and hubby will be "so abusive to me"...yada yada bs


Basically what my response was going to be. Though I don't know for sure she would make any false abuse allegations against her husband. I think her off-putting attitude, whether or not it's fair or relevant to any possible claims of abuse she could make, would probably disincline most people from believing her. But she could be a good actress.

ETA

I think she will probably try and hold out for a while before clinging to the first man with a great D and an equally great bank account. She'll probably compromise to be a with a man that is less than ideal though superior, in her view, to her husband, as long as that man won't try and make their relationship exclusive. Hell, even if that man doesn't satisfy her sexually, there's still a good chance she'll go for the new man if he meets the other two requirements.


----------



## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

WOW! Just WOW!
At least the OP is posting "honestly" - enough said already about her character. 

And for the OP's Husband:


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I found footage of the OPs first marriage counseling session. Actually she’s more like the Julliette Lewis character in the movie but this clip is funny.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Until she finds a perfect fit for her lady parts and he comes with a paycheck.
> 
> Then suddenly everything will shift and hubby will be "so abusive to me"...yada yada bs


Of course, we have to remember that whoever she finds is ok with shtupping a married woman. So the chances he’s going to rescue her like a princess from a tower is prolly pretty slim.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

[QUOTE="I expect my husband to accompany me on this journey of growth and discovery. That is not asking too much."
[/QUOTE]

That's the big problem. Your husband has no interest in "accompanying" you. Your wants, your desires, your fantasies, not his.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Of course, we have to remember that whoever she finds is ok with shtupping a married woman. So the chances he’s going to rescue her like a princess from a tower is prolly pretty slim.


Good point. 
If only someone could see this horrible mess before it happens and warn her.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Good point.
> If only someone could see this horrible mess before it happens and warn her.


No one on earth thinks this is a good idea. Imagine if a man said this: “I want to sleep around and my wife won’t agree to it, so I’m going to make her life a living hell until she does what I want.” We would WRECK that guy. (Well, some of us would) It’s such a bad idea I sometimes wonder if she isn’t kidding about this.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> I'm not looking for a new guy. Just some additional c0ck. I know I've said it here before and I'll say it again, there is nothing in this world that could make me want another relationship with a man. I am repulsed by the idea. It's bad enough that I'm in one now, not looking for another. Ew.
> 
> I expect my husband to accompany me on this journey of growth and discovery. That is not asking too much.


If he doesn't want to has said it plainly and you continue to strong arm him him yes it actually horrible abuse period. 

Lets say it's a husband and he wanted his wife to have anal sex, and she said no it will hurt me and I don't want to do it. Then he continue to talk about his "growth and discovery, how he never had anal sex before", make subtle threats and couch his need for anal sex and his "personal growth" no decent person would be on here liking those comments. Most decent people would understand what's going on is just coercion and exploitation.

It's clear that you are an abuser but shame on the people who liked this comment. Disgusting.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> No one on earth thinks this is a good idea. Imagine if a man said this: “I want to sleep around and my wife won’t agree to it, so I’m going to make her life a living hell until she does what I want.” We would WRECK that guy. (Well, some of us would) It’s such a bad idea *I sometimes wonder if she isn’t kidding about this.*





Blondilocks said:


> LOL. Kids nowadays.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Lets say it's a husband and he wanted his wife to have anal sex, and she said no it will hurt me and I don't want to do it. Then he continue to talk about his growth and discovery, make subtle threats and couch his need for anal sex and his personal growth no one would be on here liking those comments. Most decent people would understand what's going on


And further… if the husband said “I’m going to do it anyway with or without her permission. One way or another it’s going to happen.”

Oh yea…we would lynch him. 

OP is just freakin’ great.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

CallingDrLove said:


> This is what I wish people would understand. She is going to find that casual sex with strangers is unfulfilling.
> 
> Hell, I’ve slept with a runner up for Penthouse Pet of the Year and to say that my experiences with my wife have been more intimate, intense, exciting, and pleasurable would be an understatement.


Not the point.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> I am exceedingly bitter that I got married. I was a stupid, desperate, brainwashed child. I didn't know any better and did what I thought I had to to survive. There are big parts of my story that I'm leaving out that would probably help this all make sense, but I'm not comfortable explaining everything that happened.
> 
> I have to stay married for financial reasons and because I do love my husband. We have a life together. A mortgage, businesses, property. Why ruin all of that over ****ty sex when the solution is so easy and so obvious?
> 
> I may seem bitter towards other people's marriages simply because I think the institution has outlived its usefulness. I feel sorry for other married women. Marriage is outdated and passé afaic, and those who claim it's benefits seem suspicious and fake to me. I've never seen or been exposed to a marriage that was a good one, though, so i will admit my bias.


Then divorce your husband. You want your husband to assume all the risk while you go out an play. He is not your parent he is your husband.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> And further… if the husband said “I’m going to do it anyway with or without her permission. One way or another it’s going to happen.”
> 
> Oh yea…we would lynch him.
> 
> OP is just freakin’ great.



For those who missed it, reference for the above comment:




Thatredhead said:


> This open marriage WILL happen, one way or another. I can be far more persistent and cunning than he is stubborn but it makes me angry that I have to go to these lengths when him simply agreeing would just set the matter right.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> I may seem bitter towards other people's marriages simply because I think the institution has outlived its usefulness. I feel sorry for other married women. Marriage is outdated and passé afaic, and those who claim it's benefits seem suspicious and fake to me. I've never seen or been exposed to a marriage that was a good one, though, so i will admit my bias.


I cringe sometimes when I see how others with an interest in alternative lifestyles get slammed here. Your life, your choice. 

And then I read a comment like this. You don't get to feel sorry for the rest of us who have had a better experience with marriage than you. Your truth is yours, and that's about where it ends. Seems right now you're reaping a whole bushel of what you sow.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cletus said:


> I cringe sometimes when I see how others with an interest in alternative lifestyles get slammed here. Your life, your choice.
> 
> And then I read a comment like this. You don't get to feel sorry for the rest of us who have had a better experience with marriage than you. Your truth is yours, and that's about where it ends. Seems right now you're reaping a whole bushel of what you sow.


This has nothing to do with alternate lifestyle it's about abusing someone and strong arming them into it.

This is just another thread that reinforces my belief about it though.

Coercion seems to be the MO of the lifestyle. It's just too common.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> I get that... but how can you be sure you won't fall for someone? Having sex is a very intimate and bonding experience. You've never been with anybody else. So, how do you know? I suspect this is what your husband is fearing.


I just don't believe that sex binds people. I think that's some emotional based nonsense people trick themselves into believing. If sex actually worked that way, no one would cheat and everyone would be thrilled with their marriages. But people cheat all the time, so it proves that sex only creates imaginary bonds in the minds of weak people. 

It would be impossible to fall in love when one doesn't really believe in it and is diametrically opposed to having feelings for another human being. Whatever love I have belongs to my husband and kids. I don't have anything else to give. 

You're right though, that is what my husband fears. He ought to know me better than that by now and it's a little disturbing and disappointing that he thinks I have that capacity for love when I clearly don't. I don't even respect men. Can't love what you don't like.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I gotta say, though, the honesty is refreshing.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

sokillme said:


> This has nothing to do with alternate lifestyle it's about abusing someone and strong arming them into it.
> 
> This is just another thread though that reinforces my belief about it though.
> 
> Coercion seems to be the MO of the lifestyle. It's just too common.


Coercion on one side and complete lack of self respect on the other


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> I just don't believe that sex binds people. I think that's some emotional based nonsense people trick themselves into believing. If sex actually worked that way, no one would cheat and everyone would be thrilled with their marriages. But people cheat all the time, so it proves that sex only creates imaginary bonds in the minds of weak people.
> 
> It would be impossible to fall in love when one doesn't really believe in it and is diametrically opposed to having feelings for another human being. Whatever love I have belongs to my husband and kids. I don't have anything else to give.
> 
> You're right though, that is what my husband fears. He ought to know me better than that by now and it's a little disturbing and disappointing that he thinks I have that capacity for love when I clearly don't. I don't even respect men. Can't love what you don't like.


Really who cares. Stop abusing your husband!


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I gotta say, though, the honesty is refreshing.


So is gonorrhea


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Why is this guy clinging to this marriage? What is he getting out of it? You don't respect him, don't want to **** him, self admittedly don't have the capacity to love him - what the hell? It sounds like a medieval marriage of convenience to keep two powerful houses together.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I dunno. She doesn’t want to have to support herself financially. She wants him to pay her bills while she sleeps around. So if he falls in love and tries to leave, I do think she’ll fight him, because she doesn’t want to lose her gravy train.


We just had a long talk about this and I will be financially set for 3 to 4 years plus alimony in the event we do divorce. So that takes a huge burden off of me and removes some of the feeling of being trapped. He reminded me I'm a 50% stakeholder in 3 businesses, plus all of our assets are in my name. So while it may look and feel like I'm a worthless SAHM, I actually have a fair bit of leverage. I feel worlds better knowing that. 

We talked about him falling in love, since that is much greater possibility. I told him I would not stand in his way if he found a better deal. If he wants to go, more power to him. I would wish him the best. I certainly wouldn't beg him to stay where he doesn't want to be.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Thatredhead said:


> I don't intend to argue. I want differing view points...


It is hard to hear your words when your actions say something entirely different. 


Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> I just don't believe that sex binds people. I think that's some emotional based nonsense people trick themselves into believing. If sex actually worked that way, no one would cheat and everyone would be thrilled with their marriages. But people cheat all the time, so it proves that sex only creates imaginary bonds in the minds of weak people.
> 
> It would be impossible to fall in love when one doesn't really believe in it and is diametrically opposed to having feelings for another human being. Whatever love I have belongs to my husband and kids. I don't have anything else to give.
> 
> You're right though, that is what my husband fears. He ought to know me better than that by now and it's a little disturbing and disappointing that he thinks I have that capacity for love when I clearly don't. I don't even respect men. Can't love what you don't like.


Maybe he fears he will fall out of love with you.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Until she finds a perfect fit for her lady parts and he comes with a paycheck.
> 
> Then suddenly everything will shift and hubby will be "so abusive to me"...yada yada bs


My husband has never abused me in any way. I would never lie like that. Lying about domestic abuse is repulsive.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> So is gonorrhea


😂😂😂😂 I’ve never had it, but I’ve never thought it would be refreshing 😂😂😂😂😂


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> We just had a long talk about this and I will be financially set for 3 to 4 years plus alimony in the event we do divorce. So that takes a huge burden off of me and removes some of the feeling of being trapped. He reminded me I'm a 50% stakeholder in 3 businesses, plus all of our assets are in my name. So while it may look and feel like I'm a worthless SAHM, I actually have a fair bit of leverage. I feel worlds better knowing that.
> 
> We talked about him falling in love, since that is much greater possibility. I told him I would not stand in his way if he found a better deal. If he wants to go, more power to him. I would wish him the best. I certainly wouldn't beg him to stay where he doesn't want to be.


Then just divorce.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Oh my God.

you think that he meant “ownership” of you because he referred to you as “my wife” and the fact that he doesn’t want his wife to sleep with other men?!

I hope OP’s husband is reading this.

dude, this woman has NO respect for you at all. None. Give her the divorce she wants and don’t look back.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Of course, we have to remember that whoever she finds is ok with shtupping a married woman. So the chances he’s going to rescue her like a princess from a tower is prolly pretty slim.


JFC who needs to be rescued? From what? I want some strange on the side. No knights in shining armour needed. I'm perfectly aware of the type of man I'll be encountering. Preferably a married man, so there won't be any need of savior antics.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

OP, what do you want here?


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Thatredhead said:


> I guess we hang out with different types of people then. It's very normal from what I've observed. I've never tried it so maybe I wouldn't like it, but it sounds absolutely perfect. Having a casual sexual relationship seems to me like having a pet, but without the work.
> 
> And I have thought about doing porn. I'm not at all opposed to it, but I think I'm too old now.


When I was young I had a lot of sex and admit I had a great time. Sex without strings is just raw animal lust, so much fun. I can understand your feeling that you missed something, and yes there's a lot to learn with different partners. 

It was easy because I was emotionally detached to the women. But when I was in a relationship, or later married there is absoluty no way I could have had random sex, I could never have kissed someone I loved with that same mouth I was just using on someone else.

Maybe you're different. I have no doubt you could get your jollies with other partners, but I wonder at what cost? You have talked yourself into believing it will help your marriage but what if you're wrong? I think you will enjoy a couple hours of casual sex but wonder how you will feel laying in bed at night with your husband. And how do you share the experience? "Oh hubby, Leo does this to me and I want you to do the same, Frankie does this at it drives me insane, and Biff's tounge, holy crap, why can't yours move like his?" Sounds like a real ego boost for your husband. If he starts pumping other women are you OK with him verbalizing his experiences? Maybe watching some video tutorials?

I'm not sure anyone's comments matter though, I believe your mind is made up.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Cletus said:


> Why is this guy clinging to this marriage? What is he getting out of it? You don't respect him, don't want to **** him, self admittedly don't have the capacity to love him - what the hell? It sounds like a medieval marriage of convenience to keep two powerful houses together.


He loves me. We grew up together. Built a life and home together. We have kids. There's businesses and property. Neither of us thinks it is worthwhile to destroy all of that over a philosophical difference of opinion. He knows he will have to come around to my way of thinking. He's getting used to the idea. He will come to accept it in time and everything will be fine.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> JFC who needs to be rescued? From what? I want some strange on the side. No knights in shining armour needed. I'm perfectly aware of the type of man I'll be encountering. Preferably a married man, so there won't be any need of savior antics.


Sleeping with another womans husband is the lowest of the low.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Thatredhead said:


> He loves me. We grew up together. Built a life and home together. We have kids. There's businesses and property. Neither of us thinks it is worthwhile to destroy all of that over a philosophical difference of opinion. He knows he will have to come around to my way of thinking. He's getting used to the idea. He will come to accept it in time and everything will be fine.


But your still in the wrong place here.



> I feel like I'm rambling now so TLDR Husband found my posts here, we fought, decided not to divorce right now and we will be attending a sex club for the first time.next month. I'm curious how swingers find partners irl.


You need to go find a swingers discussion forum, there have got to be tons of them online.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> He loves me. We grew up together. Built a life and home together. We have kids. There's businesses and property. Neither of us thinks it is worthwhile to destroy all of that over a philosophical difference of opinion. He knows he will have to come around to my way of thinking. He's getting used to the idea. He will come to accept it in time and everything will be fine.


Poor man. Very sad that he is so easily manipulated.


----------



## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> It’s not a lifestyle I want any part of but the very few open marriages that seem to be thriving all seem to have a very intimate bond and a strong relationship to start with.


I assume because it was discussed before marriage, not 20 years later.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Cooper said:


> When I was young I had a lot of sex and admit I had a great time. Sex without strings is just raw animal lust, so much fun. I can understand your feeling that you missed something, and yes there's a lot to learn with different partners.
> 
> It was easy because I was emotionally detached to the women.


So you got to experience EXACTLY what I want. I want the raw animal lust. Something like that is simply not possible with someone you've known over 20 years. Lust and passion with new people....that's what I want. I go crazy with regret that the above scenario never happened for me. 






> Maybe you're different. I have no doubt you could get your jollies with other partners, but I wonder at what cost? You have talked yourself into believing it will help your marriage but what if you're wrong? I think you will enjoy a couple hours of casual sex but wonder how you will feel laying in bed at night with your husband. And how do you share the experience? "Oh hubby, Leo does this to me and I want you to do the same, Frankie does this at it drives me insane, and Biff's tounge, holy crap, why can't yours move like his?" Sounds like a real ego boost for your husband. If he starts pumping other women are you OK with him verbalizing his experiences? Maybe watching some video tutorials?


I don't intend to ever speak to my husband about my extra experiences. They will be for me alone. I told him I don't ever want to hear about what he does on the side. I don't want to be a jealous wife so I don't want to know about it. He is free to do as he pleases, but I don't ever want to know it happened. It will be a don't ask don't tell arrangement. If he wants to brag about it to his friends, that's fine. I don't ever want to know.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Annonymous Joe said:


> I assume because it was discussed before marriage, not 20 years later.


Even then it's not guaranteed things will turn out all rosy. People grow and change. I know a married couple who started out as swingers, she grew out of it, he did not and now he's constantly cheating and she doesn't know. Very messed up situation.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> He loves me. We grew up together. Built a life and home together. We have kids. There's businesses and property. Neither of us thinks it is worthwhile to destroy all of that over a philosophical difference of opinion. He knows he will have to come around to my way of thinking. He's getting used to the idea. He will come to accept it in time and everything will be fine.


So My Way or the Highway. Then you don't need to be here. Arguing with the forum seems to be your only goal. 

When he decides to sue for custody of the children, I imagine you'll come to accept it in time too.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Sleeping with another womans husband is the lowest of the low.


He is a free adult, making his own choices. 'Another woman's husband ' Lol...you make a grown man sound like a pair of shoes or a purse. 

Married men have made passes at me since I was 14. They certainly don't hold any out of bounds position in my mind.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Thatredhead said:


> So you got to experience EXACTLY what I want. I want the raw animal lust. Something like that is simply not possible with someone you've known over 20 years. Lust and passion with new people....that's what I want. I go crazy with regret that the above scenario never happened for me.


Not true. If sexual compatibility is there that raw animal lust never ever goes away because both partners place great value on that aspect of their relationship. You just haven't met that man. You've never experienced powerful sexual chemistry.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Thatredhead said:


> He loves me. We grew up together. Built a life and home together. We have kids. There's businesses and property. Neither of us thinks it is worthwhile to destroy all of that over a philosophical difference of opinion. He knows he will have to come around to my way of thinking. He's getting used to the idea. He will come to accept it in time and everything will be fine.


Or he'll finally reach a breaking point. Nothing will be fine. The best you can hope for is that he'll keep suffering in silence while you slowly break him with every slight. You say he love you ... and you are abusing that love. 

You say you don't want to destroy your household over this difference of opinion. Yet you insist on acting on it. So go all in and leave... leave him the businesses. Leave him the property. Leave him the kids. And go have all the stranger D you think will make you happy.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Here’s another thing to keep in mind:

there are many stories like yours on Reddit and sites like TAM.

The wife wants to open the marriage. The husband doesn’t.

the husband reluctantly agrees, the wife runs out the door and starts getting it from multiple men.

the husband stays home and gets depressed.

a year goes by and the husband finally gives in and tries to date. He meets someone nice and starts to sleep with a new woman.

the wife thinks it’s cute at first and is glad that he is finally onboard. Now at least he won’t mope around the house.

then all of a sudden the wife notices the husband is really starting to look happy. He smiles a lot more, but he spends less and less time at home. If he is home, he’s on his phone talking with his new partner.

the wife realizes his improved happiness and Confidence doesn’t come from her, it comes from the new partner.

eventually the wife gets jealous of the new partner and wishes to re-close the marriage. She has had her selfish fun and secretly never wanted the husband to have as much fun as her and definitely didn’t want him to find a new love interest.

but alas, the husband doesn’t want to close the marriage anymore.

fights ensue. They end up divorced.

the husband lives happy with his new monogamous partner. The wife lives alone wondering how she screwed everything up.


don’t take my word for it.

this is VERY common.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> Not the point.


Enlighten me then, what’s the point?


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I don’t think I’ve encountered such a sociopathic person. You have no empathy. I worry for your kids. Holy **** what a nightmare.you seem insane


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I don’t think I’ve encountered such a sociopathic person. You have no empathy. I worry for your kids. Holy **** what a nightmare.you seem insane


Oh you know those kids are f'ed


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Double post.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> He is a free adult, making his own choices. 'Another woman's husband ' Lol...you make a grown man sound like a pair of shoes or a purse.
> 
> Married men have made passes at me since I was 14. They certainly don't hold any out of bounds position in my mind.


I couldnt really care what men have or haven't done to you or me or other women, its how WE act that gives us integrity or decency. At east find single guys. Still its clear you have no moral values at all, so you wont care if you destroy others marriages or deeply damage and hurt their children. Its all about you to hell with everyone else. Sadly there will be very bad consequences so don't say you weren't warned.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Thatredhead said:


> So you got to experience EXACTLY what I want. I want the raw animal lust. Something like that is simply not possible with someone you've known over 20 years. Lust and passion with new people....that's what I want. I go crazy with regret that the above scenario never happened for me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Too bad the biology of men and women are different. Women seem to hit their horniest age right about the time men start to lose their edge, many a marriage has ended because of that alone.

I'm going to wish you luck, I truly hope you find satisfaction in your life.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Oh you know those kids are f'ed


She doesnt even care about them.


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Now I’ve gotten through the rest of your posts.

wow. You are something else.


you said you hate men. You have no respect for them. The only thing they are good for is sex.


WOW.


you are a hardcore feminist.

The hardcoriest of the hardcore.


take note TAM members:
Just imagine the uproar here if a man said the reverse of what she just said.

the misogyny is thrown around here without a second thought. It’s used to explain anything and everything for things people don’t like about men whether it makes sense to call it misogyny or not.

the OP here is the actual definition of misandry. She hates men for being men and considers them worthless.

I don’t think I’ve seen misandry used yet in this thread. I’ll need to re-read to make sure I didn’t miss it.

OP, I hope you don’t have sons. The way you talk about men is disgusting.

to the husband, she truly has no respect for you. You need to get out of this and fast.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> You're right though, that is what my husband fears. He ought to know me better than that by now and it's a little disturbing and disappointing that he thinks I have that capacity for love when I clearly don't. I don't even respect men. Can't love what you don't like.


He is not prepared to risk it. I will be very surprised if he does.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Now I’ve gotten through the rest of your posts.
> 
> wow. You are something else.
> 
> ...


Yet she also appears to hate women and children because she cares nothing that she will destroy their marriages and that their children and probably hers will suffer greatly.

OP you need some serious sorting out. You are on a self destruct journey.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> He is not prepared to risk it. I will be very surprised if he does.


I gotta wonder what he thinks he's risking. Because it doesn't sound like she's worth fighting for. He'd be better off divorcing and taking the kids and finding a decent person with warm blood and a soul. I mean jinkies.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Are you the female version of Patrick Bateman?


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I'll just throw this in there. I've been in the dating scene for three years now and all I can say about the sex "out there" is don't hold your breath lol! OP, you sound like you think this is going to be a piece of cake but life isn't so black and white. You're going to have trouble finding men who totally ring your bell. It's no simple walk in the park, it just isn't easy finding someone who's your sexual twin. 

Out of all them men I've been with my entire life there's been just one who fit my missing sexual puzzle piece but he was an asshole and it had to end. I'm almost 50 and can pass for 30. I've got curves in all the right places. I'm told I have the ass of a 25 year old, I'm financially sound, my home is paid for, I have no debt AND I'm a nice person lol! And none of that has been any help in finding another sexual match. Your going to want _good_ sex, not just any sex right? Good luck with that.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> I'm not looking for a new guy. Just some additional c0ck.


Just get a vibrator and be done with it. 

If that sounds dismissive, it's meant to.


----------



## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

Not said:


> I'll just throw this in there. I've been in the dating scene for three years now and all I can say about the sex "out there" is don't hold your breath lol! OP, you sound like you think this is going to be a piece of cake but life isn't so black and white. You're going to have trouble finding men who totally ring your bell. It's no simple walk in the park, it just isn't easy finding someone who's your sexual twin.
> 
> Out of all them men I've been with my entire life there's been just one who fit my missing sexual puzzle piece but he was an asshole and it had to end. I'm almost 50 and can pass for 30. I've got curves in all the right places. I'm told I have the ass of a 25 year old, I'm financially sound, my home is paid for, I have no debt AND I'm a nice person lol! And none of that has been any help in finding another sexual match. Your going to want _good_ sex, not just any sex right? Good luck with that.


The whole "I missed out on" phrasing definitely seems to be coming from a place of midlife crisis here. I don't think I'm seeing anyone post that aspect of this yet, but she wants all the perks of marriage while having the 0 boundaries of being single. Listen to her tone; she was duped by Christianity, she doesn't care about how this will impact her husband or children, she wants to be financially secure before she goes on her romps. Another aspect of this too, is that she will find herself emotionally trashed by doing this. She also mentioned something about being treated for depression, maybe I missed if she said for how long. It's also strange she is willing to speak to her husband about opening the marriage, but not speak to a sex therapist first to see if there is something they can work on together to solve her now unsatisfactory sex life. Given her comments, I also wonder how unsatisfactory it has been.....forever, or just recently as she's nearing 40. Hope she likes cats, because once her husband grows a backbone, he and the kids will be gone and cats will be all she has left to love her.


----------



## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Thatredhead said:


> Oooh aren't you sassy and clever!


Thatredhead, I would normally feel bad for saying this, but in this case I don't. You ARE pathetic. An open marriage is a mutually agreed upon arrangement, not a one person dictatorship. It doesn't happen because ONE person says so. Unless you are Thatredhead apparently. If your husband doesn't want this, please, do the honorable thing an let him go. You do not truly love him if you are dictating.


----------



## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

To @Thatredhead 's husband.

It usually happens once a week. You have to go to the trash bins in the house, open then up, take out the plastic bags, tie them then put the garbage on the pavement. When you do that next time, don't forget to put the tied plastic bags out as well.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Annonymous Joe said:


> The whole "I missed out on" phrasing definitely seems to be coming from a place of midlife crisis here. I don't think I'm seeing anyone post that aspect of this yet, but she wants all the perks of marriage while having the 0 boundaries of being single. Listen to her tone; she was duped by Christianity, she doesn't care about how this will impact her husband or children, she wants to be financially secure before she goes on her romps. Another aspect of this too, is that she will find herself emotionally trashed by doing this. She also mentioned something about being treated for depression, maybe I missed if she said for how long. It's also strange she is willing to speak to her husband about opening the marriage, but not speak to a sex therapist first to see if there is something they can work on together to solve her now unsatisfactory sex life. Given her comments, I also wonder how unsatisfactory it has been.....forever, or just recently as she's nearing 40. Hope she likes cats, because once her husband grows a backbone, he and the kids will be gone and cats will be all she has left to love her.



She is an absolute mess, it's so apparent and she's going into this thinking she's got her eyes wide open but she just doesn't. Like everything she wants and is looking for is going to just fall right into her lap and she'll be oh so happy and fulfilled. What she's doing is fulfilling her own karma with every move she's making right now. We're witnessing the train hurtling down the track right before it derails.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

CallingDrLove said:


> Enlighten me then, what’s the point?


I mean who cares if she finds it fulfilling or not if she has to destroy her husband in the process.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I gotta wonder what he thinks he's risking. Because it doesn't sound like she's worth fighting for. He'd be better off divorcing and taking the kids and finding a decent person with warm blood and a soul. I mean jinkies.



I was thinking that too. This woman is just cold and ruthless. Like empty inside.


----------



## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I kind of like this chick. Just a reminder - there are guys around, especially after 45yr ones, (which have been complained about on this site multiple times) that are very similar, the same, to how she sounds. They have no interest in marriage or the work to maintain what so many here seem to think is SOOO important... (LOL) a long term "only us" intimate "relationship". Someone to have fun with and f*ck even for only one or a couple times, or a few months, whatever, is all they want and need to be happy and feel fulfilled. Eff the rest of the crap - who needs it !

So most here, go ahead and say you think they are "bad" people. Makes me laugh as I read here and see them b*tching and moaning how the world and everyone in it who doesn't agree with them sucks and is stupid and is destined for doom and gloom. This site is flooded with it. Like Billy Joel said -- some of us like to laugh with the sinners instead of crying with the saints.


----------



## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I dunno. She doesn’t want to have to support herself financially. She wants him to pay her bills while she sleeps around. So if he falls in love and tries to leave, I do think she’ll fight him, because she doesn’t want to lose her gravy train.


She wants another man to have a prostitute that her husband has to pay for.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> I mean who cares if she finds it fulfilling or not if she has to destroy her husband in the process.


Gotcha


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

2&out said:


> I kind of like this chick. Just a reminder - there are guys around, especially after 45yr ones, (which have been complained about on this site multiple times) that are very similar, the same, to how she sounds. They have no interest in marriage or the work to maintain what so many here seem to think is SOOO important... (LOL) a long term "only us" intimate "relationship". Someone to have fun with and f*ck even for only one or a couple times, or a few months, whatever, is all they want and need to be happy and feel fulfilled. Eff the rest of the crap - who needs it !
> 
> So most here, go ahead and say you think they are "bad" people. Makes me laugh as I read here and see them b*tching and moaning how the world and everyone in it who doesn't agree with them sucks and is destined for doom and gloom. This site is flooded with it. Like Billy Joel said -- some of us like to laugh with the sinners instead of crying with the saints.


It's not the alternate lifestyle she's craving that's the problem, it's the way she's destroying the people who love her as she's making her way there.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Thatredhead said:


> We just had a long talk about this and I will be financially set for 3 to 4 years plus alimony in the event we do divorce. So that takes a huge burden off of me and removes some of the feeling of being trapped. He reminded me I'm a 50% stakeholder in 3 businesses, plus all of our assets are in my name.* So while it may look and feel like I'm a worthless SAHM, I actually have a fair bit of leverage. I feel worlds better knowing that.*
> 
> We talked about him falling in love, since that is much greater possibility. I told him I would not stand in his way if he found a better deal. If he wants to go, more power to him. I would wish him the best. I certainly wouldn't beg him to stay where he doesn't want to be.


Do you feel worthless? Is this all a ***** fit because you can't identify your feelings? It sounds like you don't know who you are, or what you want from life.

So you married young, and now you hate marriage, you hate men, you don't appear to factor in what happens to your children as a result of your actions. Do you think you'll be able to hide what you become if you bully your husband into going along with this? People talk, word gets around. You won't be able to maintain your wholesome SAHM image, so be really sure this is what you want.

If your husband finds his self-respect and divorces you, even if he has to take whatever financial hit he has to get rid of you, how do you plan to support yourself? If you truly wanted free and autonomy, you would get job, make a life of your own and walk away now, not drag your family through hell because you don't feel sexually fulfilled.

As other posters mentioned, you don't sound particularly adventurous at all. No butt sex, ewwww, but you're good welcoming the diseases/germs of random men and whoever they've screwed. If you're trying to come across as level-headed and intelligent, you obviously haven't thought anything through enough, so what is your end goal here?



Diana7 said:


> Yet she also appears to hate women and children because she cares nothing that she will destroy their marriages and that their children and probably hers will suffer greatly.
> 
> OP you need some serious sorting out. You are on a self destruct journey.


I think she hates herself.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

2&out said:


> I kind of like this chick. Just a reminder - there are guys around, especially after 45yr ones, (which have been complained about on this site multiple times) that are very similar, the same, to how she sounds. They have no interest in marriage or the work to maintain what so many here seem to think is SOOO important... (LOL) a long term "only us" intimate "relationship". Someone to have fun with and f*ck even for only one or a couple times, or a few months, whatever, is all they want and need to be happy and feel fulfilled. Eff the rest of the crap - who needs it !
> 
> So most here, go ahead and say you think they are "bad" people. Makes me laugh as I read here and see them b*tching and moaning how the world and everyone in it who doesn't agree with them sucks and is destined for doom and gloom. This site is flooded with it. Like Billy Joel said -- some of us like to laugh with the sinners instead of crying with the saints.


The difference is a lot of those guys going through a midlife crisis still have an emotional attachment for their wife. She comes across as a sociopath who mocks her husbands normal human emotions and says she doesn’t think love is real or normal.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Something about this reminds me of the Suzy Favor-Hamilton story. She was an Olympic level distance runner who got outed as working as a high class call girl in Las Vegas.

You can go get plowed by all the strange men you want. I’m not trying to talk you out of it. Hell, maybe the porn route or escort work might be right up your alley. What I can’t get past though is the description of your emotions. I’m betting you are likely on some psychiatric medications, likely an SSRI.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

2&out said:


> I kind of like this chick. *Just a reminder - there are guys around, especially after 45yr ones, (which have been complained about on this site multiple times) that are very similar, the same, to how she sounds. They have no interest in marriage or the work to maintain what so many here seem to think is SOOO important... (LOL) a long term "only us" intimate "relationship". Someone to have fun with and f*ck even for only one or a couple times, or a few months, whatever, is all they want and need to be happy and feel fulfilled. Eff the rest of the crap - who needs it !*


This is actually a good point. I also find it interesting that no one on this thread has said one single thing about "I wonder if the husband has let himself go." Recently we had a thread where the man told the wife he didn't love her and was a jerk to her for 5 years and now she wants to see other people and there were posts about "well he was probably only mean to her because she let herself go," like she deserved his bad treatment. None of that here. DEFINITE double standard, but when I point that out, it makes me a "man-hater" who "hates all men who don't defend everything a woman does." 🙄 🤣


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> Do you feel worthless? Is this all a *** fit because you can't identify your feelings? It sounds like you don't know who you are, or what you want from life.


Her whole schtick sounds very midlife crisis-y. She's unhappy and is blaming everyone else for her choices.


----------



## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

2&out said:


> I kind of like this chick. Just a reminder - there are guys around, especially after 45yr ones, (which have been complained about on this site multiple times) that are very similar, the same, to how she sounds. They have no interest in marriage or the work to maintain what so many here seem to think is SOOO important... (LOL) a long term "only us" intimate "relationship". Someone to have fun with and f*ck even for only one or a couple times, or a few months, whatever, is all they want and need to be happy and feel fulfilled. Eff the rest of the crap - who needs it !
> 
> So most here, go ahead and say you think they are "bad" people. Makes me laugh as I read here and see them b*tching and moaning how the world and everyone in it who doesn't agree with them sucks and is stupid and is destined for doom and gloom. This site is flooded with it. Like Billy Joel said -- some of us like to laugh with the sinners instead of crying with the saints.


There's nothing wrong with WHAT she wants. She can go f**k EVERYONE for all anyone cares. The point is, she's telling her husband who doesn't want it, "this is the way it's going to be, it's not negotiable." THAT'S the problem. You don't do that to a spouse. An open marriage is a mutually agreed upon arrangement, not something one person dictates to the other. It's a problem if a man does it to a woman or vise versa. If he doesn't want it and she does, they should part ways. If I were him, I'd dump her sleazy @$$. But that's me.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Something I keep coming back to in my own thoughts in regards to OP is she comes off as if she believes she's all that and will be all that in the bedroom and there just isn't any evidence of that so far lol! Kind of an important point if she's complaining about the bad sex lol!


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Lady...

I give you credit for having balls.

They must be ponderous, this, taking from your posts.

They may not be visible, but Lord, they sure are full of oats.

Do as you may, it is your life, in seeking that splendor, or your life to squander.


I have no advice, nor any cares. 
I have no dog in the fight, nor any dik in the dealing.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

She also has an idea in her head of what a good sex life is. I wonder where that’s coming from. Is it porn, erotica, Hollywood movies, television, sex self help books, talking with friends? I’m not saying consuming any of those are necessarily bad but the reality may not be what she has fantasized.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

CallingDrLove said:


> She also has an idea in her head of what a good sex life is. I wonder where that’s coming from. Is it porn, erotica, Hollywood movies, television, sex self help books, talking with friends? I’m not saying consuming any of those are necessarily bad but the reality may not be what she has fantasized.


Agree, I don't think she has any idea what she's getting into. She says she wants more c*ck but what does she have to offer herself? She had better be pretty damn talented in several ways if she wants to be succesfull but the experience just isn't there. And she cringed about butt stuff lol! That's the least of her worries lol! That is if she meets a very "imaginative" man.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Reminder from OP's original thread, she's got some folks in mind already, I think it was from her website.
So this isn't a random "I wanna screw some guys" thing. There's a plan at work.



Thatredhead said:


> I haven't used Tinder or POF but as a compromise, a few years back, hubs agreed to me posing nude online, just for kicks snd giggles. Ive maintained a website since then and it's done well. I’ve had plenty of offers but never taken up any. I let hubs read the comments on my photos and he likes it, he says because he knows he gets to sleep with me and they don't.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I’m still amazed that she’s 41 and is considering a porn career. That ship left the dock over 20 years ago. I realize that granny porn does have a small following.


----------



## Thatredhead (9 mo ago)

Not said:


> Agree, I don't think she has any idea what she's getting into. She says she wants more c*ck but what does she have to offer herself? She had better be pretty damn talented in several ways if she wants to be succesfull but the experience just isn't there. And she cringed about butt stuff lol! That's the least of her worries lol! That is if she meets a very "imaginative" man.


Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


This is sadly true


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Ca


RebuildingMe said:


> I’m still amazed that she’s 41 and is considering a porn career. That ship left the dock over 20 years ago. I realize that granny porn does have a small following.


Lisa Ann is 50 years old and it wasn’t that many years ago she was consistently the number 1 on Porn Hub.

Now, I’ve got knowledge of the subject but I’ve sworn off the stuff for anyone who cares.


----------



## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

so_sweet said:


> Just get a vibrator and be done with it.
> 
> If that sounds dismissive, it's meant to.


That and realistic feel dildos, in various sizes, to give her the feel of having different men. That way there's no chance of getting STD s, and she is NOT CHEATING on her husband. Heck, she could even get her husband to use them on her.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


That’s all true but even in comments like this it’s obvious you hate men. I think your desires go way beyond the simple “I want some variety in my life”. I think this might be your means to lash out at men.


----------



## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right?


Pieces of crap are a dime a dozen, good men are hard to find. But hey, birds of a feather I guess. Just a pity you have to screw a good man over to be with the detritus you deserve.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


And you are either completely missing the point or intentionally playing dumb. This isn't about them, it's about you. You have no idea how passionate some men can be and you need to be able to meet them at their level. With your limited experience that's not going to happen and you'll be the dud.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CallingDrLove said:


> That’s all true but even in comments like this it’s obvious you hate men. I think your desires go way beyond the simple “I want some variety in my life”. I think this might be your means to lash out at men.


Hopefully this is all she does to lash out and doesn't turn into Aileen Wuornos.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Can you imagine the outcry if someone came on here and said “I was abused by my mother as a child. I think all women are gold digging hoes and I want to screw as many of them as possible”. It’s not an uncommon scenario actually but it’s just as pathetic as this one.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

2&out said:


> I kind of like this chick. Just a reminder - there are guys around, especially after 45yr ones, (which have been complained about on this site multiple times) that are very similar, the same, to how she sounds. They have no interest in marriage or the work to maintain what so many here seem to think is SOOO important... (LOL) a long term "only us" intimate "relationship". Someone to have fun with and f*ck even for only one or a couple times, or a few months, whatever, is all they want and need to be happy and feel fulfilled. Eff the rest of the crap - who needs it !
> 
> So most here, go ahead and say you think they are "bad" people. Makes me laugh as I read here and see them b*tching and moaning how the world and everyone in it who doesn't agree with them sucks and is stupid and is destined for doom and gloom. This site is flooded with it. Like Billy Joel said -- some of us like to laugh with the sinners instead of crying with the saints.


She is free to act like a single person if she chooses but she is manipulating her husband, risking blowing up her children's lives, risking wrecking others families but according to you it's ok to do these things? To deeply hurt others as long as she gets her selfish desires met? Wow. 
If she wants to act this way then she should at least be honest about it end her farce *o*f a marriage.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> She is free to act like a single person if she chooses but she is manipulating her husband, risking blowing up her children's lives, risking wrecking others families but according to you it's ok to do these things? To deeply hurt others as long as she gets her selfish desires met? Wow.
> If she wants to act this way then she should at least be honest about it end her farce *o*f a marriage.


That is scary! That there is other people out there that think just like her on here


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Not said:


> It's not the alternate lifestyle she's craving that's the problem, it's the way she's destroying the people who love her as she's making her way there.


And risking destroying other families.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> That is scary! That there is other people out there that think just like her on here


Sadly there are quite a few people out there with no moral values.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


I highly doubt it, but these men are like you, desperate, no integrity, no morals, no character, and highly unlikely to give you what you think you want sexually. You won't be having sex with any quality men that's for sure, only the dregs. Sad you have to settle for such appalling people of whom many have probably got STDs. 
Someone who
deliberately seeks out married men/women is just beyond awful. But then you care nothing for your family or anyone elses family.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I gotta wonder what he thinks he's risking. Because it doesn't sound like she's worth fighting for. He'd be better off divorcing and taking the kids and finding a decent person with warm blood and a soul. I mean jinkies.


""Jinkies""? That's one I have never heard before, I like it!


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> That is scary! That there is other people out there that think just like her on here


He doesn't really. He's only getting some entertainment value from looking at this two-headed goat that looks like a monster, just like we all are. 

Posting on this thread is the equivalent of seeing the weird and horrifying attractions at a circus -- we can't believe what we are seeing and we can't look away from the horror. But that's all it's worth. There is no emotional value to anyone in giving this woman attention and a stage to spout her selfish, hate-filled views. I am satisfied knowing that karma will come for her...although if she is like my narcissistic father, she will neither recognize it, nor acknowledge it if she does.

I am simply grateful that I don't know anyone like this in real life.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> He doesn't really. He's only getting some entertainment value from looking at this two-headed goat that looks like a monster, just like we all are.
> 
> Posting on this thread is the equivalent of seeing the weird and horrifying attractions at a circus -- we can't believe what we are seeing and we can't look away from the horror. But that's all it's worth. There is no emotional value to anyone in giving this woman attention and a stage to spout her selfish, hate-filled views. I am satisfied knowing that karma will come for her...although if she is like my narcissistic father, she will neither recognize it, nor acknowledge it if she does.
> 
> I am simply grateful that I don't know anyone like this in real life.


She makes my XW look like a saint


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

We should all realize by now that this is going nowhere with her. She is an entitled and delusional brat that will kick and scream till she gets what she wants. She is a bitter extreme feminist too and everyone around her are just tools to get what she wants. There is also a lot of self hate, calling herself a worthless SAHM, ashamed for only having one sexual partner, unemployable because she is too old, this list goes on. That hate spills over into disdain and condescension for anyone that thinks her line of thought is wrong. She spews hate and backhanded insults at other SAHMs, people that married young, people that didn't ***** around, you name it, if she doesn't like something, then everyone that does is an idiot. She is beyond help and hope.

The only thing I can hope for is that her husband is really reading and digesting everything here. Her only concern about her marriage was financial, nothing else. Her own words...


Thatredhead said:


> he thinks I have that capacity for love when I clearly don't. I don't even respect men. Can't love what you don't like.


She doesn't love her husband and doesn't respect him. Quite honestly the marriage is already over. To her, he is no different than a garden implement, a washing machine, etc. He is just a tool for her to get what she wants. She places no value in him other than finances. She hates him so much she has zero guilt about abusing him the way she is. She also had no problem telling the world how much of a POS he is in bed. If he goes along with all this crap he will get no sympathy from me. He'll have the life he deserves at that point because she laid her feelings out so clearly here.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> She makes my XW look like a saint


Right? And did you ever think you could say that?? YIKES!!!! Lol!


----------



## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


You sound like a homewrecking [email protected] At least do the rest of us married women a favor (since you aren't doing yourself any) and don't sleep with married men who want to cheat on their wives. Yes, they will find a way to cheat anyway, but you don't have to help them by being part of it. But you have so little respect for anyone else (especially your husband) that you won't take my advice. You will be the biggest homewrecker on all the dating sites. You are so full of yourself.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Lovingwife71 said:


> You sound like a homewrecking [email protected] At least do the rest of us married women a favor (since you aren't doing yourself any) and don't sleep with married men who want to cheat on their wives. Yes, they will find a way to cheat anyway, but you don't have to help them by being part of it. But you have so little respect for anyone else (especially your husband) that you won't take my advice. You will be the biggest homewrecker on all the dating sites. You are so full of yourself.


It is quite clear there is only one person in this world she really cares about.


----------



## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her. 

What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


----------



## Wife5362 (Oct 30, 2013)

I can’t believe you are all responding to this person. It’s so unreal but I won’t say much more than that as I wouldn’t want to be suspended for calling out something that should be obvious but isn’t allowed to be said on this site.

Btw, unrelated of course. I’m very talented at connecting a writing style to a particular person. This OP has an eerily familiar style. Anyway, I can’t believe I just wasted the time it took to type this! You are all giving this attention ***** exactly what it wants.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Freedom and agency are good things. 

Your H will also have freedom and a agency to divorce you if he does not want to foot your bills and support you while you screw other men.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.
> 
> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


Honestly most of the reactions are due to her attitude. If you believe her line of thought is wrong then you are just an idiot that doesn't know any better or you are lying. 

You are right she isn't manipulating her husband, but she is abusing him. She is taking advantage of the fact that he doesn't want to divorce her, but she is too cowardly to take action herself.


----------



## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Thatredhead said:


> . Initially I thought that he was against the open marriage because he thought he owned me or had a claim on me and that made me so freaking furious that I was a bit harsh with him. I simply won't tolerate any of that nonsense. He kept referring to me as 'my wife' as in 'I don't want MY WIFE doing....' and we had to hash out how that wasn't appropriate.


 I think EVERYONE that is married refers to their spouse as "my wife" or "my husband", that's completely normal. What's NOT normal is you thinking that by him saying that LITERALLY means he owns you. So just to get this straight, you think by him not wanting another mans **** in his wife's mouth that he is controlling you? That's some really messed up logic. You're either A. not the brightest, or B. you're being purposefully dense in order to try and alleviate some guilt. 

Which is it?


----------



## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Thatredhead said:


> I don't intend to argue. I want differing view points, I want to understand my husband better. His stubbornness on this issue is infuriating and I want to know why he thinks and acts like he does. Unfortunately there are a lot of cavemen, for lack of a better term, on here. The prehistoric mindset is difficult to avoid arguing with.
> 
> I also understood that there are swingers and spouses with open marriages on this board. I'm interested in their perspectives.


I can promise you that the swingers and their spouses, couples in open marriages, polyamory couples and the like are for the most part, BOTH on board. That's the difference you can't seem to get.


----------



## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.
> 
> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


If she sleeps with married men looking to cheat on their wives, SHE will be ruining a lot of other people's lives. Consenting swingers is fine. Only her own husband is not consenting. She's dictated this lifestyle to him. It's not negotiable. She is ruining HIS life and any married person she helps to cheat on their spouse. They will cheat anyway, I understand that, but she doesn't have to be part of it. If people would stop KNOWINGLY sleeping with cheating people, they wouldn't be able to cheat so often. Just my two cents.


----------



## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

To the OP's husband. I don't know why you don't love yourself enough to be able to move on from her. I hope some day soon you will over come your low opinion of yourself and what you deserve and find happiness alone or, if you are lucky, with someone that actually loves you.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

The reason the OP is arguing and posting outrageous crap is for attention. We all know what's going on here and what OP is (the word I cannot use even though it applies).

I'm outta here. And I hope this thread doesn't continue for another 10 pages.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This isn’t really about opening the marriage in some form of consensual nonmonogamy.

Assuming this thread is even for real, She is declaring her sexual emancipation from monogamy and basically daring him to either comply and chauffer her to the party or divorce her.

She obviously feels emboldened by his lack of boundaries and lack of spine to do anything about it.

I personally can’t wait to hear all about it and I hope she continues to post her exploits here.

It’s not very often one knows the exact set of railroad tracks and intersection and day and time of the next train wreck so they can witness firsthand with their own eyes when it happens. It’s kind of exciting 😊

I hope she continues to post as this all goes down.

Either it will be the train wreck everyone is expecting and we’ll see it here first and some will be able to pat themselves on the back and say “I told you so!”

Or we’ll be able to hear her tales of wild monkey sex while he’s home folding laundry and we get a free sexual travel log.

Either way it’s a win for us LOL 😆


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Cooper said:


> ""Jinkies""? That's one I have never heard before, I like it!


----------



## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Yet she also appears to hate women and children because she cares nothing that she will destroy their marriages and that their children and probably hers will suffer greatly.
> 
> OP you need some serious sorting out. You are on a self destruct journey.


@Diana7 I was going to say the only one she appears to like/care about is herself. But after reading her posts, I can't even say that. She has no respect, decency or integrity. Not even for herself. I mean, I almost have to think she is trolling us. She can't have that little respect for herself and every other human being. I suppose there are a few though. She's a piece of work.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I mean who cares if she finds it fulfilling or not if she has to destroy her husband in the process.


He was broken a long, long time ago. 

This is what Richard Cooper calls death through 1000 concessions. 

He forfeited his spine, balls and dignity a long time ago. 

We’ll see if he even cares about anything with her anymore.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.
> 
> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


Oh please, you do not support her!! There is NO way that you would want a woman who wanted you to support her financially so she could go out and have sex with other men because she thinks YOU suck in bed...Lol!!


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> Oh please, you do not support her!! There is NO way that you would want a woman who wanted you to support her financially so she could go out and have sex with other men because she thinks YOU suck in bed...Lol!!


Maybe he would? I've seen some weird stuff on here


----------



## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

I'd have divorce papers on the table so fast you'd get your hands full of fresh ink as you read them.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I’m having doubts now…


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> Maybe he would? I've seen some weird stuff on here


Maybe...but I've read some of his posts on here, and he doesn't sound like the type to put up with her kind of crap!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.
> 
> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


When you are married and have children you are supposed to love and care about them. She doesn't. All cheating/adultery risks marriages being destroyed and children's lives been deeply damaged. There are always bad consequences to sleeping around on your spouse and sleeping with other people's spouses. 
She is even deliberately seeking married men and not single ones. That shows the appallingly low level of her moral values.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

In your opening post OP - you mention that you and your husband both have “massive amounts of childhood trauma.” Having sex with a lot of different men won’t resolve that, and most likely, if you take time to keep working through these issues in therapy (although a longer road), you’ll probably lose interest in what seems right now, like a good “escape” from your past.

It seems like a lot of people have affairs or escape into sex with random people in hopes that it makes them feel better or happier or whatever, but it usually works the opposite way, sadly. Not to say there aren’t people who open their marriages and it works out, but that’s only if the couple is on the same page.

Maybe your husband doesn’t want to see you go through more pain. Just some food for thought.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.
> 
> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


“Do what thou wilt” -Aleister Crowley

perhaps your avatar is actually half right.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

If he won't agree to the open marriage you desire, divorce him. You can have all the fun you want. And he will be happy.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ? Why would they even know ? Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not. What he does with them is totally on him. She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.
> 
> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


She can do all of that... single. 



LisaDiane said:


> Oh please, you do not support her!! There is NO way that you would want a woman who wanted you to support her financially so she could go out and have sex with other men because she thinks YOU suck in bed...Lol!!


Maybe he identifies with men who suck in bed and need women to indiscriminately screw around to get some. Either way, OP's definitely gotta be a bridge dweller.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The OP is certainly over the top with her thinking and demands. Maybe her true motive for this post is sublemial. 

Possibly she could be trying to force her husband into a divorce, regardless of what she claims. Publicly airing her demands for random sex and demasculating the husband sure would put a guy on the defensive, and evidently he is reading all this. Or she thinks this approach will force him into more adventurous sex, kind of using black mail to get what she wants.

I sure see nothing healthy about the future of their marriage.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

You 


Thatredhead said:


> He loves me and doesn't want to open our union to 3rd parties until he's sure I can handle it. IE, I won't run off with someone else. I've explained till I'm blue I'm not going anywhere with anyone. I don't want another partner. Just some strange on the side to scratch the itch and fill in what I've missed out on.
> 
> There has to be the right combination of words that will make him wake up and understand. I just haven't figured it out yet.


Will definitely be itching and scratching after a few disease infested hookups.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Lovingwife71 said:


> You sound like a homewrecking [email protected] At least do the rest of us married women a favor (since you aren't doing yourself any) and don't sleep with married men who want to cheat on their wives. Yes, they will find a way to cheat anyway, but you don't have to help them by being part of it. But you have so little respect for anyone else (especially your husband) that you won't take my advice. You will be the biggest homewrecker on all the dating sites. You are so full of yourself.


Hopefully if she does, she will meet a wife that will come for her pound(or more) of flesh.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I have run across a few redheads like this one. Even been burned by one of them. Why I told my son's to run if a red head sets her eyes on you.
Please pardon me if you are one of the few that are not a psycho 304 beast.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cooper said:


> The OP is certainly over the top with her thinking and demands. Maybe her true motive for this post is sublemial.
> 
> Possibly she could be trying to force her husband into a divorce, regardless of what she claims. Publicly airing her demands for random sex and demasculating the husband sure would put a guy on the defensive, and evidently he is reading all this. Or she thinks this approach will force him into more adventurous sex, kind of using black mail to get what she wants.
> 
> I sure see nothing healthy about the future of their marriage.


I don't think those are her objectives. I don't believe she wants a divorce or she would simply divorce him. That would be a whole lot easier that what she is trying to scheme up. 

I think she wants to remain married and continue to have him pay her bills and support her and provide the lifestyle she has become accustomed. 

I think the simplest explanation here is she has simply become so emotionally and sexually detached from him that she is pretty much telling it like it is - she wants to bang other dudes. She just doesn't want to exeperience any ramifications or consequences because of it. 

If she wanted to cheat, she would just cheat. 

But she wants him to condone it and give her absolution from any negative ramifications of those actions. 

Her thought process here is like a 13 year old. She wants all the fun but doesn't want to do any of the work and doesn't want there to be any negative ramifications or consequences. Like the 13 year old, she is acting like if she begs and browbeats enough, he will capitulate and let her have her way and then if there are any consequences, she will say that he said she could and that it is all on him since he granted her the permission. 

None of this is adult thinking and none of it is showing rational understanding of the natural outcomes of certain bahaviors. 

A fully developed adult understands that if they screw other people without their spouse's full, enthusiastic and participating consent, that there will be serious consequences and negative outcomes within the marriage and likely even actual dissolution of the marriage. 

This disconnect between actions and natural resulting consequences and even magical thinking that she can screw randoms without impact to her marriage can occur in people with traumatic brain injuries, true sociopaths and psychopaths, true narcissists with actual narcissistic and/or boderline personality disorder, addicts who's development was stunted at the onset of their addiction and of course actual adolescents. 

I don't believe this is some grand scheme to achieve some kind of convoluted hidden objective. I think it is as it is being presented - she is wanting to bang other dudes and is basically browbeating him into taking her to party where she can hook up with other dudes while he either has a drink in the club to pass the time or whether he gets with some other chick (which she knows darn well he won't want to or won't be able to) or whether his simply waits in the car for her to get done and then take her home as if nothing has happened.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Thatredhead said:


> I'm not looking for a new guy. Just some additional c0ck. I know I've said it here before and I'll say it again, there is nothing in this world that could make me want another relationship with a man. I am repulsed by the idea. It's bad enough that I'm in one now, not looking for another. Ew.
> 
> *I expect my husband to accompany me on this journey of growth and discovery. That is not asking too much.*


This is an example of magical thinking that I mentioned above.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Thatredhead said:


> I also understood that there are swingers and spouses with open marriages on this board. I'm interested in their perspectives.


Obviously you are NOT interested in our perspectives because those of us with swinging and open marriage experience shared our thoughts in your previous thread back in April and we all implored you to seek therapy. 

Yet here you are again.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

This is interesting OP. I have read through your threads and have the following thoughts about them.

First of all, you say that if you had "normal" sexual experiences from an early stage, you would not have ended up getting married. You regret getting married. For clarity, does that mean you would have not become a mother or would you seek to have some of your lovers father children with you so that you could experience motherhood. In this case you would be a single mother possibly with children from different fathers and somehow you would have got the fathers to pay for their up-bringing. And of course, any businesses, accumulated wealth or other aspects of a social life would be based on your being single and not married. Am I correct in understanding this? I cannot see how you can say that I would rather not be married and still value these aspects of the marriage you have. Also, would you have been OK if you never had children?

Second - I am truly saddened by whatever your upbringing and JW religion has done to you but somewhere along the way, your ability to appreciate the morality, passion and faithfulness of a monogamous marriage has been severely damaged. You as a result have become amoral (and even immoral), hedonistic, selfish and feckless in your approach to life. And you have the audacity to "get angry" with your husband for not "getting it". And to top it off you try to convince others (here) with your pseudo-intellectual psychobabble that you are in fact "right" and as proof you quote that your (poor) husband follows you in most such decisions because you are the "scientific" one. Narcissism extreme. What kind of person says "I do not like men but I like their c0c4s". And also you have no problems with helping to destroy other marriages and hurt other women by pursuing married men. The fact that you do not get or care about how bad this is disturbs me.

You claim that you love your husband and that is why you would stay with him. I cannot see anything in what you have said and done that indicates any kind of love for your husband. You even say that you have been very "clever" and are set financially so that you do not really need him if he wants to move on (where is the love?). Added to the fact that you do not even like men and cannot stand to look at your husband because he was not giving you what you want does not suggest that you love him. At 40+ with the kids probably grown up now, you are more than ready to stick it to him and go have your fun. All that the good folk on this board are saying is do the right thing (something that I believe you are fundamentally incapable of) and give him an amicable divorce.

I also need to say something about your self worth especially when you say that you could have hair on your chin and starfish it with any number of men and that they would still be available to plough your holes (sorry not the butt because that would be gross).

FInally, there is a strong possibility that your husband (and even you) might develop feelings for someone else. For you it might be someone younger who makes you scream in bed and for your husband, it might be someone who develops real love and feelings for him (like the girl who expressed interest and you did not like). In fact in your case it could very well be someone younger and the only way that you would snap out of that is when he takes you (who will be getting progressively older) for a ride and you may end up actually being infatuated with him to the point of spending on him before he dumps you. I would love to be a fly on the wall and see what how you handle being dumped. Do you just pick your older self up and get back into another triad or maybe say, **** it, forget the triad - lets just go for whatever **** I can find at 50, 60 ...

So my suggestions to you:


I do understand your need to experience more varied sex (I really do get this part).
I also really do get your need to have agency over your body (you actually do have agency over your body - you are just afraid of something else and you are not coming right out and saying it).
So stop getting angry with your husband because he does not agree with you and also stop acting like he is wrong to feel this way. Understand that it is not his way and therefore give him an amicable divorce.
Be honest with yourself if not anyone else as to what it is that you really fear about divorce. You keep putting on this false sense of bravado about not needing a husband and then making throwaway remarks like "I love him and it would be a shame to throw away our marriage just because of sex (which is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard)" and come clean and say what it is you are afraid of losing.
And finally, get some help in improving your moral compass (you really need help here more so than in getting more sex).

Also, I am curious about if you have not had sex with anyone else how do you know what stellar sex might be like?

[A side message to your husband - I would love to hear your thoughts on what I have said above].


----------



## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> My husband followed me here and read some of my posts, which kicked off a huge fight. But the fight kind of cleared the air a bit. So anyway, for all those who keep asking to send him here, he's here, reading all of this.
> 
> He is still very hesitant about fully opening the marriage and I am still insistent on it. It is non negotiable for me. He has asked for some time to adjust and deal with his mental issues regarding what's to happen. I've agreed to wait for awhile longer. He agreed to going to a sex club in Toronto as a way to step into the waters and he has some fantasies he wants to play out. I've been wanting to go to the club for awhile now and it's encouraging that he is looking forward to it.
> 
> ...


Sounds fantastic! What could possibly go wrong?! 🙄


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So, it is do as I say or get the **** out of my life.

What a wonderful and lovely wife you are.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

oldshirt said:


> I don't think those are her objectives. I don't believe she wants a divorce or she would simply divorce him. That would be a whole lot easier that what she is trying to scheme up.
> 
> I think she wants to remain married and continue to have him pay her bills and support her and provide the lifestyle she has become accustomed.
> 
> ...


Yep, I can easily agree with your thoughts.


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Thatredhead said:


> I was a virgin, so was he. I've only had sex with him. I don't know what he's been up to on the side. And I can tell you the sex SUCKS. He'd tell you that too. Neither of us knew what we were doing when we started and it went downhill from there. We BOTH need to practice with other people, preferably skilled ones.
> He says the sex sucks because he wants more intimacy. I don't want any intimacy. He says I'm like a robot, I think he is too emotional and vulnerable. He cums too easily so there is really no point in me even getting into it, I'll just be disappointed. Any emotion from him is a turn off for me, yet he wants more emotion from me. It's a mess.


Her husband needs to go listen to AC/DC's "dirty deeds done dirt cheap".
🤣


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

You deserve everything, and I mean everything, that's coming your way.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> When you are married and have children you are supposed to love and care about them. She doesn't. All cheating/adultery risks marriages being destroyed and children's lives been deeply damaged. There are always bad consequences to sleeping around on your spouse and sleeping with other people's spouses.
> She is even deliberately seeking married men and not single ones. That shows the appallingly low level of her moral values.


Where did you find any evidence of morals? And values? We usually think of values as something that’s at our core, something consistent that doesn’t change. I’m not seeing that either.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

OP was too immature for marriage at 18, and is too immature for marriage in her early 40’s.

She’s not here for advice, it seems. Has probably received unanimous opinion that what she’s wanting is wrong.

It would be perfect if the husband would post here.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> Where did you find any evidence of morals? And values? We usually think of values as something that’s at our core, something consistent that doesn’t change. I’m not seeing that either.


There is no evidence.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> OP was too immature for marriage at 18, and is too immature for marriage in her early 40’s.
> 
> She’s not here for advice, it seems. Has probably received unanimous opinion that what she’s wanting is wrong.
> 
> It would be perfect if the husband would post here.


Maybe came here for attention.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Maybe came here for attention.


Definitely an attention *****.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

manwithnoname said:


> It would be perfect if the husband would post here.


Would you post here and expose yourself as her husband????

I'd be too ashamed and embarrassed to admit to being with her.


----------



## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

When you have to resort to the Internet for support and approval for your plans, that right there should tell you something. I say run the retroactive teenage sl*t idea by friends and family and see how much encouragement you get OP.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Thatredhead said:


> There is a less than 5% chance that a woman 40 or over will get pregnant in any given cycle. And that chance decreases with each cycle. So yeah the chances of a surprise pregnancy are close enough to nil to be disregarded. Not that it never happens, but the likelihood is so low that it sure won't keep me up at night.
> 
> My husband has all the freedom in the world. He can leave if he wants. I'm not stopping him or barring the door.
> 
> ...


Hey Hubby! If you are reading this a word of advice....RUN...RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS LADY


----------



## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Hey Hubby! If you are reading this a word of advice....RUN...RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS LADY"


She's no "LADY"!


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> Definitely an attention ***.


There was another record long thread by a female attention hound. Will be interesting to see how long this thread grows.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> There was another record long thread by a female attention hound. Will be interesting to see how long this thread grows.


Only until the STDs catch up to her


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Numb26 said:


> Only until the STDs catch up to her


I can tell you from what happened to a neighborhood couple in our subdivision who got into “the lifestyle “….they are both divorced


----------



## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> There was another record long thread by a female attention hound. Will be interesting to see how long this thread grows.


Anyone notice how the writing style by that OP is very closely related to the writing style of this OP?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> I can tell you from what happened to a neighborhood couple in our subdivision who got into “the lifestyle “….they are both divorced


I suspect half the time "the lifestyle" is just a last desperate breath before the marriage drowns so to speak.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wow, there are a lot of people who enjoy getting wound up. It must be a slow news day.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

sokillme said:


> I suspect half the time "the lifestyle" is just a last desperate breath before the marriage drowns so to speak.


There are several TAM folks who are evidently happy and successful with ENM. So not a death knell for them

OP isnt seeking to join ENM. She wants to sleep around and get hubby to acquiesce. Different totally from a couple together wanting to try swinging. And an obese guy with PE like her husband isnt going to be accepted into that life style anyway.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Anyone notice how the writing style by that OP is very closely related to the writing style of this OP?


Totally different perspective between two people. Writing style I know nothing about. The other person would be writing about her n hubby n his friend(s) performing live on porn websites and how much it turned them on.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> OP isnt seeking to join ENM. She wants to sleep around and get hubby to acquiesce.


I think she is proposing an open marriage for both of them.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I think she is proposing an open marriage for both of them.


She said she didnt care what he did. Was p!st he wouldnt let her bang others. Said she would do what she wanted if he didnt agree


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> She said she didnt care what he did. Was p!st he wouldnt let her bang others. Said she would do what she wanted if he didnt agree


yes, but she is not saying her husband can't sleep around. So, it's an open marriage. It's even the title of the thread. If it's ethical or not, well that's a completely different matter....


----------



## wolfstooth (10 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> Domestic partnership is useful to me. I've explained here and to my husband that I dont WANT to be married but I am stuck in it now.
> 
> 18 is too young to make a drastic lifelong commitment. I don't care if it is legal. It's ethically wrong to allow children to sign away their lives before their brains are even finished developing.
> 
> ...


staying in your marriage for financial reasons is parasitic behavior; get out and be that strong independent you know you can be


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> yes, but she is not saying her husband can't sleep around. So, it's an open marriage. It's even the title of the thread. If it's ethical or not, well that's a completely different matter....


How can it be open if one spouse refuses to open it?


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> Would you post here and expose yourself as her husband????
> 
> I'd be too ashamed and embarrassed to admit to being with her.


Well I wouldn’t use my real name, so…not a big deal.

The shame and embarrassment should come with any agreement and acceptance of her ********.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

She said was going to work on him until he quit being so stubborn and agreed. Note they now have plans to go to swing club in Toronto. So she may have already been railed by several men this weekend. Her husband maybe waiting in car for her to finish, he knows a fat guy with a hair trigger aint going to attract anyone.

She be back soon sharing her new liberation.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> Well I wouldn’t use my real name, so…not a big deal.
> 
> The shame and embarrassment should come with any agreement and acceptance of her ******.


What choice does he have? Divorce n pay Alimony for years and gets no sex anywhere. She gets her way. Let her have her way, he saves some bucks and maybe she throws some crumbs his way for awhile longer.

She is in win-win situation like she said. He is lose lose.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> What choice does he have? Divorce n pay Alimony for years and gets no sex anywhere. She gets her way. Let her have her way, he saves some bucks and maybe she throws some crumbs his way for awhile longer.
> 
> She is in win-win situation like she said. He is lose lose.


If you only look at it is the sense of money, then yes he is screwed and would have less conflict if he were to simply capitulate and let her have her way just like a parent would have more peace and quiet if they simply let their spoiled brat child have their way all the time.

But if he were to look beyond the money and actually assign some value to his own dignity and spirit, chucking her to the curb would give him back his life and his own sense of self worth and he could at least have a chance of finding someone that actually likes him and has some semblance of respect and desire for him.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> What choice does he have? Divorce n pay Alimony for years and gets no sex anywhere. She gets her way. Let her have her way, he saves some bucks and maybe she throws some crumbs his way for awhile longer.
> 
> She is in win-win situation like she said. He is lose lose.


The choice most men would take is to end the marriage.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> The choice most men would take is to end the marriage.


I don’t know about “most.” 

Those with pride, dignity and self respect would - but those traits seem to be in short supply with many men and many of the men we see that come through here would rather tolerate terrible mistreatment rather than go through any amount of time without a woman in the house or god forbid give up some furniture and write out a check. 

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to pay alimony either, But I refused to be married to a SAHM in the first place so I wouldn’t have to worry about that.


----------



## CheatersRGarbage (8 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> My husband followed me here and read some of my posts, which kicked off a huge fight. But the fight kind of cleared the air a bit. So anyway, for all those who keep asking to send him here, he's here, reading all of this.
> 
> He is still very hesitant about fully opening the marriage and I am still insistent on it. It is non negotiable for me. He has asked for some time to adjust and deal with his mental issues regarding what's to happen. I've agreed to wait for awhile longer. He agreed to going to a sex club in Toronto as a way to step into the waters and he has some fantasies he wants to play out. I've been wanting to go to the club for awhile now and it's encouraging that he is looking forward to it.
> 
> ...


So basically. You just bullied your poor husband into this open marriage. You say that this is “good for him too” but you don’t care about how he feels, and you’ve made that evident. This all about you you you, not you and him. You’re such a disgusting and grimy person. I hope your poor husband realizes this and leaves you so he can actually find somebody who cares about him.

TO THE HUSBAND:
If you’re reading these comments. Run. Run now and Run fast. She’s just wanting to go out and sleep with people while keeping you so you can pay for everything. She’s constantly gaslighting you and trying to mlakenyou feel like less of a man for not wanting your wife to get railed by other dudes. And seriously? She says she’s fine with you going out with other women? ********, look at all she’s done and look at how bad she’s made you feel, you know for a fact that as soon as you go out with another women she’s going to get all up in her feels again and want to close the marriage, after she’s been ran through by the whole town while not feeling a thing about it and. It caring about how you feel about the situation. But as soon as you become happy that’s when she’s going to want to pull the rug right out from under you. Leave this “woman” because she ain’t a woman, she’s a demon in disguise that wants to ruin your life. Her posts and her comments have made it very abundantly clear that she’s only out for her own self interest, she wants “autonomy” while at the same time trying to browbeat and gaslight you into giving up yours via “you’re not a real man if you don’t let me be ran through my multiple men.” Stop. Run. Leave.

AND TO OP: You’re a disgusting witch. Also, you brought up in your original story that, your husbands premature release was all that you knew…but noooow you know that men are supposed to last longer…how did you figure that out? I can come up with a rather reasonable explanation for how you figured that out, you already cheated on him and now you want to keep doing it but with “his permission” (which isn’t really his choice because you keep gaslighting and browbeating him and backing him into a corner just so you can get your way) so you don’t feel bad about it, but given everything you’ve said, you didn’t feel bad about cheating on him in the first place thus why you’re doing what you’re doing. You’re straight up garbage and disgusting.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

In Absentia said:


> I think she is proposing an open marriage for both of them.


But he’s been resisting open marriage, as she’s been spending a lot of energy telling us his objections aren’t reasonable. So it really is a one-sided thing, with heavy undertones of bullying to get her way. Since we haven’t heard from him, we don’t understand why he’s still there (marrried).


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> How can it be open if one spouse refuses to open it?


It’s not, but at least he has the chance to sleep around too…


----------



## Redpilledguru2024 (7 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> He loves me. We grew up together. Built a life and home together. We have kids. There's businesses and property. Neither of us thinks it is worthwhile to destroy all of that over a philosophical difference of opinion. He knows he will have to come around to my way of thinking. He's getting used to the idea. He will come to accept it in time and everything will be fine.


You just sound extremely selfish and sleazy like sure you might not have to worry about pregnancy but you still have to worry about STDS dummy like the guys you’ll meet will lie to you that there clean and go raw and 3 days later you’ll have gonerrha or hiv and I’m sure your gonna put your husband on a dry spell since you said he’s bad a sex and it’ll be a favor so he won’t catch what you caught for your lovers like you need MC not a open relationship because another thing is what gonna happen when the guys you meet will get attached to you and sabotage your marriage and force you to leave your husband then it’ll will be more turmoil


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> he could at least have a chance of finding someone that actually likes him and has some semblance of respect and desire for him.


Where is he going to find someone interested in an overweight middle-aged guy with PE who has never pleased the only woman he has ever been with? OP said the sex had sucked their entire married life and she finally gave up because all he ever did was jump on for 30 seconds and leave. So bad she actually hates men and marriage.

Maybe he would find a woman to give him one shot, but that would be all he would get and once word got out on the street he would be toast.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> But he’s been resisting open marriage, as she’s been spending a lot of energy telling us his objections aren’t reasonable. So it really is a one-sided thing, with heavy undertones of bullying to get her way. Since we haven’t heard from him, we don’t understand why he’s still there (marrried).


Yes, it is a one way argument. She is proposing and he is not budging. I can only see one result: divorce.


----------



## Redpilledguru2024 (7 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> Well if we're doing the math I'm 41.5 and mid cycle so my chances of pregnancy are even less than .5% per cycle.
> 
> Basically if I was wanting to get pregnant, everyone would say I'm too old and would need IVF. The slim chance of an unplanned pregnancy at my age doesn't concern me one bit. Besides which, I'm in Canada and have access to safe abortion. Fear of pregnancy will not stop me.
> 
> Diseases do give me pause. The thought of catching something disgusting from someone is a concern. Safe sex and condoms would be non negotiable. That's another thing I want to learn about from other people in open marriages. How I stay safe and keep my husband safe are very important steps that need to be outlined before any of this starts.


It’s simple tell your side pieces to put a condom on a duh…. like don’t be going raw behind your husband back because if you end up catching something because your lovers didn’t use a condom you’ll end up regretting it and that’ll will be on you


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> Where is he going to find someone interested in an overweight middle-aged guy with PE who has never pleased the only woman he has ever been with? OP said the sex had sucked their entire married life and she finally gave up because all he ever did was jump on for 30 seconds and leave. So bad she actually hates men and marriage.
> 
> Maybe he would find a woman to give him one shot, but that would be all he would get and once word got out on the street he would be toast.


You’re assuming her complaints are valid and that he is the problem. 

We can clearly see her level of toxicity, there is a chance once he is rid of her he could live a more healthy and less toxic lifestyle, lose weight, become healthier, become his own man and be a competent lover with a healthier and less toxic, less contemptuous and more understanding woman that he has some actual chemistry with. 

I’m not condoning obesity and leaving sexual dysfunction untreated, But we need to consider that perhaps no man would be able to function in a healthy manner with her. 

Getting away from her may allow him to take better care of himself and address his issues in a healthy manner and be the best thing he could do for himself.


----------



## Redpilledguru2024 (7 mo ago)

Thatredhead said:


> He knows that better than any of you lol. He has to live with me. I am not marriage material at all. But I'm stuck in it now and trying to do right by us both.


Are you sure about that? Like your doing a terrible job at it


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I don’t know about “most.”
> 
> Those with pride, dignity and self respect would - but those traits seem to be in short supply with many men and many of the men we see that come through here would rather tolerate terrible mistreatment rather than go through any amount of time without a woman in the house or god forbid give up some furniture and write out a check.
> 
> Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to pay alimony either, But I refused to be married to a SAHM in the first place so I wouldn’t have to worry about that.


Yes it does seem that lately here we have had several posts from guys who let their wives act really badly but do nothing.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> Would you post here and expose yourself as her husband????
> 
> I'd be too ashamed and embarrassed to admit to being with her.


If in reality there's a husband, just saying.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rob_1 said:


> If in reality there's a husband, just saying.


If this story is for real, then it’s doubtful he would ever raise his hand and say he is with her.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> If this story is for real, then it’s doubtful he would ever raise his hand and say he is with her.


Well she’s now banned. Maybe “she” will pop up under another name.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> There are several TAM folks who are evidently happy and successful with ENM. So not a death knell for them
> 
> OP isnt seeking to join ENM. She wants to sleep around and get hubby to acquiesce. Different totally from a couple together wanting to try swinging. And an obese guy with PE like her husband isnt going to be accepted into that life style anyway.


Yeah but they seem like an outlier, and it wasn't something done to try to save the marriage.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Yeah but they seem like an outlier, and it wasn't something done to try to save the marriage.


In a very pathological and dysfunctional way, it would probably prolong their marriage unfortunately. 

If he were to put his foot down and either divorce her or prevent her from screwing other guys somehow, that may drive her to end that farce of a marriage.

But if he were to acquiesce and tolerate her screwing other guys while continuing to support her, this quagmire of a marriage could go on indefinitely.

So in a sick and twisted way, it may in fact save the marriage unfortunately.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> Well she’s now banned. Maybe “she” will pop up under another name.


I have a feeling this wasn't her first rodeo on TAM.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> What choice does he have? Divorce n pay Alimony for years and gets no sex anywhere. She gets her way. Let her have her way, he saves some bucks and maybe she throws some crumbs his way for awhile longer.
> 
> She is in win-win situation like she said. He is lose lose.


He is lose lose, but staying with someone like her has to be the ultimate loss.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Yeah but they seem like an outlier, and it wasn't something done to try to save the marriage.


Oh they have all uniformly said and advised that ENM was NOT something for anything other than a rock solid marriage. They always say that the trust and boundaries required for success exceeds that of most monogamous marriages. They tell anyone posting a thread like this one to NOT even contemplate "swinging" when the marriage needs saving.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Casual Observer said:


> Well she’s now banned. Maybe “she” will pop up under another name.


I can imagine "her" response to any moderator coaching would have resulted in that. "No one is going to tell ME what to do".


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

And she's gone.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Maybe it’s a temporary ban. I was hoping to see how this ends.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

CallingDrLove said:


> Maybe it’s a temporary ban. I was hoping to see how this ends.


The art of torture is to prolong it indefinitely. You’re not going to see an end. Just more of the same (until she gets bored and moves on). Probably why she’s been taken off-line.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Curious have you thought to invite your husband to this thread, i would love to see his input on this topic.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

The OP has been banned. I doubt her "husband" will be reading this. Also, she claims early on that her husband was reading the thread.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Thatredhead said:


> A lot of his push back about the open marriage is fear based and not at all logical, which we will work to overcome with time and effort. He thinks I'm looking for romance or a replacement for him, which couldn't be further from the truth. He's worried that I'll get pregnant or get a disease. I told him I'm too old to get pregnant and explained how fertility works at my age and that seemed to calm him down a bit.


 Pushback on open marriage is based on experience and facts. You are not someone that has become enlightened that has found the way. He chose marriage because that is what he wanted. You now want to change the rules and told him that divorce is not off the table if he does not bend to your will.

TO THE HUSBAND: She says that you are reading this site. Please post your own thread and get some good advice. Back when you were young and got married, women had the advantage over men in romantic relationships. That advantage ends as you get older. When you divorce and go back on the market, you will be shocked at how many women are looking to find a decent man that enjoys married life. Odds are that she will be younger than you to boot. A female friend of my wife once asked me why older men so often marry younger women; I told her “because they can”. 



Thatredhead said:


> He kept referring to me as 'my wife' as in 'I don't want MY WIFE doing....' and we had to hash out how that wasn't appropriate.


 Him referring to you you as his wife is just as appropriate as you referring to him as your husband. It is called being married, and expecting your spouse to keep their marriage vows. If you do not want to be married and to keep your vows, then do not try to change the rules; just get divorced and truly set both of you free.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

I feel pity for the OP that she doesn't know (or doesn't want to know) the beauty of being intimate with a man whom she loves and adores, which would be truly fulfilling unlike hook ups with random men.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

ThatRedHead,

I have to say first off that I do appreciate your honesty, many wives say something like they no longer want sex and other avoidance clichés, when in fact the wives no longer want sex with their husbands.

If you are going to be honest why would you withhold details about your escapades from your betrayed husband? Your BH has sacrificed the exclusivity and speciality of his marriage. Can you at least let him know what you are doing so he can make an informed decision on leaving or staying? It’s cruel letting keeping your BH stay at home with the kids while you are with others and him turning a blind eye and watching the kids.

The other reason for letting your H know is so you can tell these OM that you are not doing this in secret and they can’t isolate you in some anonymous motel and beat you up or kill you. People can seem very nice on the internet at first. There are a great many men out there who are violent users of women, but appear to be saints.

As for STDs I would not trust a condom to stop viruses they are too small so HPV, Herpes and other viruses can get through and in the case of HPV cause cancer. Condoms are effective for HIV since HIV is carried in the semen and immediate withdraw will prevent most contact with the fluid. 

There many also be an issue here since you were only with one person you might not have built up immunity to HPV that a person who was more sexually active did in their youth. There may be a larger risk to you now. That said I do not know if studies have been done on this question.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> Where is he going to find someone interested in an overweight middle-aged guy with PE who has never pleased the only woman he has ever been with? OP said the sex had sucked their entire married life and she finally gave up because all he ever did was jump on for 30 seconds and leave. So bad she actually hates men and marriage.
> 
> Maybe he would find a woman to give him one shot, but that would be all he would get and once word got out on the street he would be toast.


I don't think he is the cause of her general hatred of all people.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TRy said:


> When you divorce and go back on the market, you will be shocked at how many women are looking to find a decent man that enjoys married life.


A middle-aged overweight guy with PE that hasn't a clue how to please the only woman he has ever been with? Honestly, do you think the women will be standing in line if he divorces? Even if HE enjoyed married life? I think he will be alone for the rest of his days.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> The OP has been banned. I doubt her "husband" will be reading this. Also, she claims early on that her husband was reading the thread.


I see she was a “troll” and permabanned. Heck, disappointing. I guess that means “her” “stories” were all made up? Heck. A long running controversy would be entertaining.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> I see she was a “troll” and permabanned. Heck, disappointing. I guess that means “her” “stories” were all made up? Heck. A long running controversy would be entertaining.


Like, if after a few posts we didn't know it was a troll. 

I only inferred to it in my last post, but as we know we just can't call them out. We have to go through the proper channels of notification to the moderators. But Like I said, after a few of the outlandish remarks, I was sure, so I took it as entertainment.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I dont know. The longest running highly entertaining thread wasn’t a troll and would still be here if she had toned things down just a tiny bit when warned by the mods.

I couldn’t tell with this one. Outlandish statements are fairly common. Some people live an outlandish life.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> I dont know. The longest running highly entertaining thread wasn’t a troll and would still be here if she had toned things down just a tiny bit when warned by the mods.
> 
> I couldn’t tell with this one. Outlandish statements are fairly common. Some people live an outlandish life.


Absolutely. Nothing would surprise me to be honest.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Those opposing views, proposing unwelcome views are chuckle-worthy, until they aren't.

We are meant to be free, yet, _ought-to-be_ restrained, at some point in our freedom seeking.

One's freedom '_ought-not_' restrict another's happiness, unduly, and so damn unfairly.

No one can '_have it all_', we must share alike in life's bounty's.

An orgasm can be pleasurable, but need not be deadly in the aftermath.

An orgasm should not be that '_end-all_' pursuit, it is but that pleasure in sharing.

It is better to _have and to hold _a persons mind, than 'merely' their mindless tingles.

The tingles remind us that we are alive, our minds remember the _before, during and the after_ glow.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> We just had a long talk about this and I will be financially set for 3 to 4 years *plus alimony* in the event we do divorce.


How utterly disgusting.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Thatredhead said:


> Lol....you realize men are a dime a dozen right? I could have a hookup planned for tonight if I wanted. I could lay out my rules and my sexual menu of things I'm willing to do and just pick from the takers. Who cares what the man wants....he gets an orgasm regardless of what I do or don't do. I opened an AM account yesterday and my inbox is full of local married men looking for some strange. **** pics and all. I could lay flat on my back and starfish and still be doing them a favour. The supply of men far outstrips the demand 🤣 🤣 🤣....I could be 250lbs, a smoker with bad teeth and hair on my chin and still catch one of these losers.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

drencrom said:


> View attachment 87710


The redhead has been banned.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The redhead has been banned.


Hence slamming the door.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Regarding the husband I wonder if he was really as bad as she let on. He might do just fine on the dating market. Fat guy with PE sounds a lot like my younger brother and he’s married but he has young women at his workplace flirt with him all the time. Listen to comedian Ralphie May (RIP) talk about seducing women. If you are fat you got to have game but it’s certainly possible.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

CallingDrLove said:


> Regarding the husband I wonder if he was really as bad as she let on. He might do just fine on the dating market. Fat guy with PE sounds a lot like my younger brother and he’s married but he has young women at his workplace flirt with him all the time. Listen to comedian Ralphie May (RIP) talk about seducing women. If you are fat you got to have game but it’s certainly possible.


I'm guessing he'll do fine. She is way to full of herself. I wouldn't wish her on any man, even those who are out just to use her.


----------



## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

LisaDiane said:


> Oh please, you do not support her!! There is NO way that you would want a woman who wanted you to support her financially so she could go out and have sex with other men because she thinks YOU suck in bed...Lol!!





LisaDiane said:


> Maybe...but I've read some of his posts on here, and he doesn't sound like the type to put up with her kind of crap!


🙃. Your right - I wouldn't. And your also right about the other. Some (a lot) of the people on this site are so ultra conservative and convinced they are of perfect character that sometimes I just can't resist stirring the embers a little to watch them flame up. This one was pretty extreme, but IMO some of the responses and attacks are pretty over the top to the point of rules violations, some being direct personal attacks. But that's one of the "rules" that to me doesn't seem enforced much on TAM.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

drencrom said:


> How utterly disgusting.


There's a word for women who do things like this. It's not a nice word.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

2&out said:


> 🙃. Your right - I wouldn't. And your also right about the other. Some (a lot) of the people on this site are so ultra conservative and convinced they are of perfect character that sometimes I just can't resist stirring the embers a little to watch them flame up. This one was pretty extreme, but IMO some of the responses and attacks are pretty over the top to the point of rules violations, some being direct personal attacks. But that's one of the "rules" that to me doesn't seem enforced much on TAM.


Lol!! It figures that "she" turned out to be a TROLL, since she was SO hateful and entitled...and many of our veteran members hinted at that!

My contribution was that I told her she made me want to PUKE!!!! Lol!!


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

2&out said:


> I'm a little lost on how she would be hurting all these other people. I think some of you are reaching for worst case scenario and making assumptions that are a guess at best. Why would it hurt her kids ?


As a father, I can answer this. Because their parents would be different. Oh, she'd be all bright and bubbly because she gets to go out and spread 'em for other men.

The father on the other hand, who obviously doesn't want an "open marriage", would end up being miserable and it WOULD head for divorce. And if not, a cuckolded father will not be the same to them.



> Manipulating her husband ? She not hiding - she's telling him her facts of her life now and he can accept them or not.


And he doesn't accept them. So she says it'd going to happen anyway.



> She said like 3 times she isn't trying to make him do anything including stay with her.


And what she says in one breath contradicts what she says in another, i.e. she's going to sleep with other men no matter what he wants.



> What is scary to me is so many are adamant that she or any person always has to put others ahead of their own wants and needs in life always. What a sucky way to live IMO.


We aren't talking about simply putting others needs ahead of one's own. She wants to go out and f*** other men. If her "needs" are spreading them for other men, then she can fem up and file for divorce. But she didn't want to using the kids and property as an excuse, then comes back and is willing to upend her kids' home life and then using her getting alimony as it being worth it.

She's s train wreck. Divorce would be a good thing, and custody of the kids should go to the father. He's a better role model and she'd just be having strange men come home with her left and right.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

2&out said:


> Some (a lot) of the people on this site are so ultra conservative and convinced they are of perfect character


What does being conservative have to do with your perception that any one of us think we have "perfect character", when we all know we don't?



> that sometimes* I just can't resist stirring the embers a little to watch them flame up*.


So you admit you want to just stir the pot. I do believe that is against the rules here. You just openly admitted it.


----------

