# meds made me lose my sex drive.. how can I get it back?



## mrs.p (Aug 20, 2010)

hi all! i'm new to this forum!

i'm going on my 2nd year of marriage with my best friend and the love of my life, we've always had a great relationship. shortly after we got married i for some unknown reason developed bad anxiety issues which then developed into depression. after about a year of dealing with it i couldn't take it anymore so i listed to my dr and went on lexapo.. soon after i noticed i had zero sex drive... my dr added wellbutrin to help with it but since I still don't notice a difference for the positive in the libido area. my anxiety and depression have gotten much better since being on the meds but understandably so not having any physical relationship is taking a toll on our marriage. I feel that my husband is getting fed up and it scares me.. i just have no interest and he always wants it.. i don't know what to do and how to fix this...


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Are you able to talk to your doctor about switching out the Lexapro with something else in the same category of drug (SSRI)? There are tonnes of different ones in that category that can work just as well for your depression/anxiety yet may not affect you so badly in the sex department (or not at all). Maybe talk to the doc about it  Make sure you stay away from Prozac (also called fluoxetine) though because that particular one has a huge reputation for making even the most sexual person not interested at all! But there are tonnes more to choose from though.


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## perfectstranger (Aug 14, 2010)

Are you still taking the Lexapro with Wellbutrin?
This probably won't help you, but my experience wasn't great either. Many years ago, when it was the hot new thing, I tried Lexapro for about six months. It didn't decrease my sex drive, but I could. not. finish. 
Brutal.
My doctor had only prescribed the medication to get me through a particularly stressful situation, so it wasn't a big deal when I decided the side-effects (sexual and others) were more than I was willing to deal with. I did find that after I stopped use, everything went back to normal relatively quickly -- and I felt more able to deal with the anxiety-inducing situations that I'd been prescribed for in the first place after I'd seen first hand what the Lexapro could and could not do for me.
Hope you're in a better state of mind, whatever happens.


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## omar77 (May 10, 2010)

yes guys any advise i have same problem


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife is in a similar situation. Our way of coping is that we almost never have sex. She's tried a variety of different concoctions but to no avail. I have noticed, however, that whenever she allows herself to try to have sex, it's always successful for both of us. Just takes her longer to get warmed up. I think if she'd just pick a time one day a week as intimate time, we'd end up having sex at least once every couple weeks. Even if it didn't work, we would still have some pleasurable intimate time and I miss the intimacy more than I miss the sex. To be crude about it, if an orgasm was all I wanted, I could manage that myself. Being turned away makes me feel unloved, undesirable, etc. A schedule doesn't sound all that romantic but it would take the pressure off her and it would decrease the frustration I feel every day wondering if we were or weren't, should I try or should I not try, etc. A little romantic intimate time would also keep me from feeling like a monk who's only value is in going to work for a paycheck. I've been pushed away so often I've almost quit even trying. My wife is my best friend, too, and I really hate feeling resentful toward her. I hate pretending that I'm not a sexual person. I hate fretting about sex all the time.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> Being turned away makes me feel unloved, undesirable, etc. A schedule doesn't sound all that romantic but it would take the pressure off her and it would decrease the frustration I feel every day wondering if we were or weren't, should I try or should I not try, etc. A little romantic intimate time would also keep me from feeling like a monk who's only value is in going to work for a paycheck. I've been pushed away so often I've almost quit even trying. My wife is my best friend, too, and I really hate feeling resentful toward her. I hate pretending that I'm not a sexual person. I hate fretting about sex all the time.


 You know these are hard words, but they are SOOOO Honest, so real in describing the conflict of emotions, such LOVE but at the same time guilt, even resentment that one must put down his sexuality. It just shouldnt be. But what choice is there. I wish I had more to offer to these threads. 

You are all to be commended, you truly LOVE your spouses, as you remain - ever faithfully. God Bless you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm a pretty normal guy, I think. I'm not addicted to sex. I don't mess around. Still, I am romantic, sensual, and "yes", sexual. It's just who I am and if I'm not "that", then who the hell am I? I can't pretend to be a monk any more than I could pretend to be gay. I can't look at my wife or treat her as if she were my sister. I find her attractive and I crave touching her, smelling her, kissing, the whole bit. She's not 90 even though she seems to wish she were. 
At the risk of sounding melodramatic, it would be far kinder to take a knife and just castrate a man or murder him outright. Withholding sex just fundamentally changes who I am. It changes my outlook for the future. It changes the way I manage stress. Worse, it changes the way I feel about my wife. If she's not my comfort, my lover, my partner, who is she and why do I care? 
If I look at the big picture, in a normal healthy marriage, sex only occupies less than a couple hours a week. It seems a shame to trash a whole relationship for something that actually occupies such a small amount of the time, but it doesn't feel like a small deal and it doesn't feel like something I can live without and still be "me".
I could deal with once a week or maybe once every couple weeks. I'm sure I can survive without having sex at all. If she were disabled and physically couldn't, I would be celibate and make the best of it. She's not disabled. She can but won't and there are no nail scars in my palms. Some husbands on here speak of hanging out in pain in sexless marriages for years. God bless them. I'm not hanging on a cross like that unless there is a bonafide physical disability that prevents us from having something resembling a sexual relationship.


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