# How to stop trying to reconcile with wife (we are separated)



## diro_nyc (Jun 26, 2020)

We were in a bad marriage for 15 years. Constant fighting constant insecurities. i admit i was a cause of a lot of the fights. She was not comfortable with me having women friends so i used to lie to her about hanging out with them. There was nothing but friendship. It got so bad that i moved out of the house and into an apartment. I blame myself for a lot of these issues and am trying to make amends now. She is constantly telling me the relationship is over and for me to move on. For the life of me i cannot stop trying to convince her to talk me back and to have a family unit again. She has told me over and over again she wants to date and see if she can find someone that makes her happy. I should learn to let go but i cannot. What can do? I'm at a loss. I am finding it very hard to move on.


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## Angelwanderer (Mar 20, 2018)

Yep, you're divorced. Refusing to look at the paper won't change it. She's gone and you kinda know it.

You used the words 'were in a bad marriage', not 'are in a bad marriage'. That's past tense. Closure has already happened and your subconscious wrote on your behalf. It's time to move on. Seek pro-help.

-A

Wrote a letter about my s/marriage - became a novel. Love Hurts: When Breaking Up Is The Right Thing To Do


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Anyone can read the first few sentences of your post and understand your a terrible marriage partner. Maybe you can do her a favor and leave her alone...... just like she is asking you to do.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Putting other women as a higher priority than your wife disqualifies you from getting any more chances. Suck it up and leave her alone. Why don’t you go hang out with some of your women friends who were so incredibly important to you before?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You ignored your issues for a long time and now your wife is done. What can you do? Quit trying to convince her you deserve another chance and just move on. Let her finally be happy.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Don't worry, she doesn't care how much you try. Besides she knows you are a liar and what you say means nothing. You have already shown how little you value her. Yay for her...


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

diro_nyc said:


> I should learn to let go but i cannot.


Your lying habit continues. "learn" ? There is nothing to learn, and you know it. Just stop. That's all.

Your lying habit continues. "cannot" is a lie. The truth is "willnot".

Stop lying to yourself.



diro_nyc said:


> she wants to date and see if she can find someone that makes her happy.


Your wife also needs to know the truth. There is no person, no, not even a group of 100 people, who can make her happy. No one's happiness is determined by others.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

diro_nyc said:


> We were in a bad marriage for 15 years. Constant fighting constant insecurities. i admit i was a cause of a lot of the fights. She was not comfortable with me having women friends so i used to lie to her about hanging out with them. There was nothing but friendship. It got so bad that i moved out of the house and into an apartment. I blame myself for a lot of these issues and am trying to make amends now. She is constantly telling me the relationship is over and for me to move on. For the life of me i cannot stop trying to convince her to talk me back and to have a family unit again. She has told me over and over again she wants to date and see if she can find someone that makes her happy. I should learn to let go but i cannot. What can do? I'm at a loss. I am finding it very hard to move on.


You didn't have a bad marriage. Until you created a bad marriage with emotional infidelity and with your lies, etc.

Please leave your ex-wife alone. Move on, let her move on.

Use this as an opportunity to work on yourself and to grow.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

diro_nyc said:


> She is constantly telling me the relationship is over and for me to move on. For the life of me i cannot stop trying to convince her to talk me back and to have a family unit again.


This is called harrassment and possibly stalking. Both are crimes and stalking can land you in jail. 

Knock it off and move on.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

You are probably lucky she hasn't slapped a restraining order on you.
You behaved like a D-Bucket, and she got tired of the poo panini you served up.
Admit your mistakes, get some help with your issues, learn from both, and just move on.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Move on ...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

diro_nyc said:


> We were in a bad marriage for 15 years. Constant fighting constant insecurities. i admit i was a cause of a lot of the fights. She was not comfortable with me having women friends so i used to lie to her about hanging out with them. There was nothing but friendship. It got so bad that i moved out of the house and into an apartment. I blame myself for a lot of these issues and am trying to make amends now. She is constantly telling me the relationship is over and for me to move on. For the life of me i cannot stop trying to convince her to talk me back and to have a family unit again. She has told me over and over again she wants to date and see if she can find someone that makes her happy. I should learn to let go but i cannot. What can do? I'm at a loss. I am finding it very hard to move on.


Actions will always ultimately have consequences. By your own admission you caused most of the fights, emotionally cheated on your wife and now you want her back when she told you over and over to quit, you wouldn't listen. 
You were an awful husband, now you are an ex-husband for a reason. Stop pestering the poor woman, she doesn't deserve any more of your ********! 
Go and sort yourself out and become a better man, a man whom a self-respecting woman would want to actually be with. You will have no joy in life until you learn to change your ways, buck up, get counselling for your habit of chasing other skirts and move along. Maybe if you become a better man, some woman will be willing to be your partner. For now, let your wife find a man who will treat her right, you are not that man. That part of your life is over.


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