# Struggling to cope but it's for the best



## mik3yc (Oct 10, 2013)

Sorry for the long rant, but I feel I need to vent, just to get it all off my chest 

Been with my wife for 7 years, married for 4 and have a 3 year old boy. I've posted on here previously about problems within the marriage, but was always something we could work through as a team, but that never happened.

I'm not denying we had problems in the past, what relationships don't... but you make the effort and try to make it work. Our biggest issues started this year. At the beginning of April, she told me she was going to a friends house for a few drinks. She said her friend had work the next day, so it won't be a late one. At midnight, she text me to say she'll be home soon (her friend is a 5 minute drive away). She got in at 3am. Not a huge problem... but she was acting VERY shady with her phone. You know how you know someone so well, that you know when they are acting out of character? That's what was happening. I spoke to her friend a few days later, she said my wife left hers about 11.30 and was picked up by someone, but then said she doesn't want to get involved in our argument. Also, as the phone she uses is paid for by me, I can find out where she is at anytime (I hated checking but I needed proof she was lying - turns out she was 3 roads away from where we live until 3am, nowhere near her friends).

I questioned my wife, she's adamant she was at her friends until 3am, even when I told her that her mate dropped her in it. She just said she doesn't know why her friend is lying? I told her I could see on the computer that she was randomly in this road - she said the computer is wrong. I was so angry, I packed my bags and left.

We remained living apart for 6 weeks, I moved into my parents place. My parents knew what happened and when they saw my wife, even my mum got involved and accused her of being dishonest about her whereabouts. My wife said she couldn't deal with the fact everyone was calling her a liar.... After 6 weeks, she wanted to try again.... I did really miss her and against my better judgement, I gave it another shot. I really loved this woman and didn't want to believe she had cheated.

She did tell me that when we were on our break, she had been talking to another man. Wouldn't say where they met, but that they got talking because she was "down" and he was there for her. Oh and that he wants to be with her. I told her that she has to cut him off if we are to try again, as it's innappropriate. She agreed and cut him off. Turns out that the guy that was there for her during our break, was actually on the scene BEFORE we split in April.

Fast forward a month, I find out they are still talking. So we argue. She tells me i'm controlling by telling her who she can and can't speak to. She said I need to let her make her own decisions?!

Fast forward to last week. Since we got back together in April, we've actually got on well, some real positive changes. But, she was talking to this guy every single day. All day at work on whatsapp and then all night. She wouldn't even reply to my emails at work, saying she was "too busy". I found out he would call my house phone when I went to work, he would call her when she drove to work and call again on her way home. Not only that, I found out that she'd been to that road (from April) dozens of times since we been together... turns out this guy lives there. The guy is practically my neighbour. WTF?

So we have decided to call it a day. I accused her of being a cheat. It makes no difference if she's slept with him or not (she probably has!), but it's an emotional affair if nothing else, surely? She's adamant she hasn't even kissed him, and that i've completely got the wrong end of the stick regards their "relationship", but it's irrelevant.

I just don't understand why she even decided to try again with me in April. Convenience? I've no idea. I tried so hard these last 6 months.... spoiling her, doing everything I possibly can to make her happy. She said it was appreciated, but it was too little, too late. And that this guy is not the problem in our marriage. 

So the next day after agreeing to split, I wanted to spend time with my boy, as he is my priority now, So I took him to the zoo for the day, he LOVED it. And what did she do? Slept in until midday, text me saying how depressed she is... then went to this guys place and spent the whole day with him. And again the next evening.

I feel like it's easy for her because she's clearly not felt anything for time, so she's moved on whilst being with me. But for me, it's so difficult cos I was trying until the very end.

We still live together... it would be easy for me to move out again, but i'm standing my ground this time. I want to buy her out of the flat. Shes been looking at places to rent (he's been looking with her, but I don't think they are moving in together). It's tough though because I'm just beginning to hate her. When shes here, shes glued to her phone, talking to him all night. It's rubbing it in my face so badly and she can't see what she's doing is even remotely hurtful!

Since this time, i've arranged a bank appointment regards the mortgage and buying her out... I asked her for some documents about the flat... she asked why I seem so "excited" about moving on so fast when I was so laid back and actually not very good when it came to our financial situation before. I told her I need my own security for the future, i'm not waiting around for her....


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I know this is a zombie thread, but Im hoping the OP will get an email notification and come by and give us an update. Prolly not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

oceen said:


> Why the heck do you need to resurrrect an old thread? I read the whole thing before I realized it was almost 3 years old.
> 
> Pointless waste of time.


Sometimes people get an email when someone responds to a post.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

mik3yc said:


> Sorry for the long rant, but I feel I need to vent, just to get it all off my chest
> 
> Been with my wife for 7 years, married for 4 and have a 3 year old boy. I've posted on here previously about problems within the marriage, but was always something we could work through as a team, but that never happened.
> 
> ...


I am sorry about what you and your family are going through.
My two cents, based on what you've shared: Spouses should be faithful to each other. For her to be doing these things is absolutely unacceptable. In my opinion, move on and life a productive, successful, peaceful life (without all this heartache!) away from her. Leave her in the past. It will be painful for a time but you will eventually look back and know you've done the best thing for you. Also, your child needs good role models, not to see mom with another man and dad accepting it, while they are still married.

What goes around comes around. Trust that.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Thound said:


> Sometimes people get an email when someone responds to a post.


Oh jeez...


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