# Wife cheated...alot..not with just men..



## Foolish (Oct 21, 2010)

Here's my story:

I'm sorry this is so long but I need to tell it all. Please take the time to read it because I truly need help.

I have been married for 20 years with 2 kids. We are still together at the moment but thats going to change by the end of the month. I have to preface everthing by saying that I told her that one thing that crosses the line for me was cheating. I watched my dad do it to my mom and how it devestated her. I should have known something was up when she told me about the affair her mom was having and she thought the guy was cool.
Early in the marriage we seperated for a year. A few months into the seperation she finally admitted to seeing someone else. I was devestated since I thought the seperation was for us to be apart and work things out. It was party time to her. Lots of drinking, drugs and spending time with her very loose friends. At the time, I thought it was just one guy. A guy who I now realized she must have loved to some degree to bring him around our then young child although she didnt let me know how much she was around him then. I went to pick up my daughter one day and she wouldnt answer the door when she knew I was coming to pick her up. I left and about 5 min later she was behind me on the freeway blowing at me to pull over so I could take our daughter. After pressing her, I found out that she was sleeping with that guy when I was at the door. I have to say that broke me. Here I was sitting at home alone every night wanting to reconcile and she was doing this. I was broken and everyone around me knew but not why because I never talk about my personal life. I found an older woman at work who was easy to talk to. I told her my troubles. She told me hers with her marriage. We comforted each other. We started having an affair. I STRONGLY believe in being faithful and it took alot for me to get to that point. I cried for my marriage the first time we had sex. She didnt laugh at me. She comforted me and told me everything would be ok. I knew it was wrong because I was doing to her husband what was being done to me. I was being the ******* I hated so much but in too much pain to care at the time.
After a year of being seperated, my wife decided that out of the blue she wanted to try and make things work. I had honestly moved past her (with the help of the other woman) and could care less if we reconciled. But I said ok let's try for our daughter. What she didnt know is how deep my resentment ran. I continued sleeping with the other woman even after we got back together. I treated her like crap when got back together just based on the affair she had with the other guy. I didnt find out till later how far she had gone out there and the reason she came back. I knew at the time she was leaving alot out when we would talk about our year apart while trying to rebuild. She realized over the next few months, that I was sleeping with someone else and confronted me on it, and my treatment of her. I never admitted to sleeping with someone else until later, but our talk snapped me back to my old self so I stopped seeing the other woman. She was cool with it. No drama. I later found out that I was one of several guys she was sleeping with. Funny stuff huh?

So we rededicated ourself to the marriage to give it our best shot. Or at least I did. Over the next 10 years, the trickle truth began about what she did when we were seperated and what she did over the years after when were back together. Two things: 1) She would have to start drinking before any of this would come out. 2) Keep in mind that what im about to list is what she would tell me.

When we were seperated, she began drinking..alot. When she drinks she cant rememeber what she did the next day. She started using drugs, and clubbing alot with her friends. She started watching her friends have sex with guys but she says she didnt join in. She told me about the drug dealer she dated with the really small penis but she never did anything with him. Right. She told me about having sex on the freeway with that guy she ended up seeing and how good it was. That she was sleeping with him that time I came to pick up my daughter. And she also told me that it was that guy she was seeing that told her to go back to me when she was talking to him about the direction her life had taken. Nothing like the the guy that screwing your wife telling her she needs to get back together with you. So sweet of him. She also discovered her interest in women but to my knowledge nothing came of that until we got back together.

After we got back together. Trickle truth and merlot revealed that the she began sleeping with a woman co worker who took her to an orgy house. I didnt know they had those. Learn something new everyday. Where she swears she just watched men masterbate themselves while she watched and watched her friend have sex. She had sex with the woman in front of the house after they left the orgy. 
She had a relationship with another woman and said that I would have loved her big breasts. She began to catch on the whole trickle truth/drinking thing so she started to clam up about this one so i have no idea how far this one went but I have a good idea.
There are other instances and gaps of time that are issues but I have no information about those, like I said she began to catch on the whole truth/drinking thing. 
The only other big thing ill mention is an instance were she said she was going out with friends after work. She still liked to go out and drink. I didnt like it but im her husband not her dad and I tried to re-establish the trust each time. This is the instance that broke me again. 
She said she would be home at 8:00, but 8:00 came and went. She wouldnt answer her phone for anyone. Around 11:00 everyone began to really worry. Her parents included. So I began to drive the freeway looking to see if there was an accident. Nothing. I went back home. At sometime after 12:00 she called me, and said she was attacked at a gas station. She was lost and scared and can I come get her. So I rushed to her side. It was obvious when I got there that that was a lie. She was so drunk that her words were slurring. She thought she had lost her keys in the parking lot of the grocery store she was calling me from. They were in her car. The story she told about the attack didnt add up. She was getting gas and someone tried to grab her, force her into the car, and basically kidnap her. She was able to fight him off and get in her car and drive off quickly. Now mind you now one saw this at a busy gas station where according to her she was facing other people getting gas and she didnt call the cops because she was afraid she would be arrested for her drinking. And in her haste to drive off she got lost. That would be very sobering to anyone. Adrenaline and fear kick in and BOOM there goes your buzz. She was not sober, she was not scared, she was not paniced, she was not the least bit concerned about contacting the police after the fact. Oh yeah her shirt was ripped open. Nice touch huh? It was no big deal. She would only talk about it and answer questions if I brought it up. She wouldnt go into detail about her night where she had been, who she was with ( just friends from work, you dont know them). Everytime I pressed, even to this day, She would say she drank a little too much and dont remember all the details. I have to say it was a fairly decent cover story but I could tell it was a lie. By this point in the marriage, she refuses to take more than one drink around me. So I will probably never know what happened there but her history leads me to believe that I picked her up from her meeting spot with her fling and she realazied she was too drunk to drive home.

Fast forward to today about 6 years later, she is a different person than she used to be. She rarely drinks or goes out. She has always been a devoted mom. Even more so now. She was worked to improve herself and her mentality. She has not worked on the marriage and her part in it. She refuses to talk about the past . Its the past according to her and we should leave it there. If had just met her, sure I could understand that, but I happened to go through that past with you and got burned badly. Do i think she is fooling around now? I honestly dont know. I thought she wasnt fooling around then so what do I know.
I have learned over the years that she watched her mom have affairs, her stepdad have affairs, her real dad sleep around on his new wife,and all her sisters, cousins, friends have flings ( hell sometimes with each others boyfriends!). I also learned that she suffered some sexual abuse as a child but she wont go into detail about it. Even after 20 years, she wont tell me anything other than that it happened and she refuses to go to councelling about the abuse or about our marriage. She also refuses to be an open book with me now. She wont let me read her text messages and wont tell me where she is going half the time. She says,"That's not her anymore." How am I supposed to believe that? I want to. Man do I want to.

She wants a clean slate from the past. She wants to be treated like she never did those things to me. Yet she still refuses to be open, tell me things that I know she has lied about, and refuses to get help for herself and us. I have to admit that I have no tolerance for her critizism nowdays. She is not the type of person who lets things go, no matter how small the thing is that bothers her,so everything is an issue to her and she lets you know about it. In your face and very directly. If I dont agree with what she says she shuts me out for weeks at a time. Its always about what I need to do to make things better. I have to admit I blow up at her. I start thinking about all the things she has done and all the times I have put my feelings,morals and self respect aside just for her. I lose it. I mean break stuff lose it. I will never ever hit a women and she knows it so she just eggs me on during these times. She wont back off. I end up having to leave to make it stop. She acts like all that she did ( that she would tell me about) is no big deal and that I need to move on from it. Its the past. 
I have gotten to a point that I have had enough. I yearn for a good, healthy relationship. When I see other women,I dont think about sex, I wonder how they would treat me. Thats bad. I know where this is going. So I need to walk away now before I do something I shouldnt again. I truly love this woman still. I am willing to work at it, but she has to meet me half way. She knows all this. She refuses. 
So I guess im here to ask is there anything else that I can do to try and save this? Im walking away at the end of October if this cannot be fixed.

I know this is a wall of text. Thank you for taking the time to read this.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She slept around while you were separated and you did the same? All this happened close to 20 years ago? Every cell in her body has regenerated 3 times since then. She's literally not the same person anymore and neither are you.


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## lobokies (Sep 7, 2010)

so you just tell the story of ****ty wife ... hmm.

people changed after they experienced a lot of things... she changed because she has experienced the affair, orgy, blowjob, drinking, drugs... no wonder she changes right now. 

no need to tell this bull****..


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

How can you work on it if you are still resenting things she did more than a decade ago?? I understand your hurt about her affairs, but you were also having one of your own. Would you be okay with her constantly reminding you of your role in another man's marriage?? 

I think you are both looking to "blame" the other instead of stand up and say "hey, I need to fix some things about myself". No one gets anywhere with the blame game. Think about what you can fix. Think about things that are all over the pages here. Positive actions are usually met with positive responses.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She has to step up for this to work. If she does then you both have a chance. 
This post seems to tell me that she is not playing along with repairing the marriage, not so much the blame game.
Anyway, positve actions DO get positive response's, but some times people are just negitive people and you can say hello to them all day with out even getting a smaile back. I'm not sure if this explains your wife, or not? Usualy people will say hi back;-)

Bottom line, your W needs to work at the marraige just as hard as you.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You have been through allot with your wife. He attitude towards fidelity early in the relationship was disturbing to say the lest. How does she think about it now? You mentioned that she goes places and will not tell you and is secretive about her text. Moreover, you have had a feeling that she may be cheating now. 

The original cheating was never resolved completely, a necessity for closure and healing. You lack an honest and truly intimate relationship and you seem to have taken all you can You have tried to get her to go to counseling but she refuses and she refuses to acknowledge how much she hurt you. 

What is left for you in this relationship? Is love of your wife enough to offset the pain and stay in the marriage. How sure are you that she will not leave when she finds a better situation. 

You have much to think about mostly I think you have to think about the toll this relationship is taking on you and you have to decide if you can endure this for years on end.


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## ducatibatty (Oct 23, 2010)

There is nothing to save.
This is finished - get out and find a good woman.


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