# Showing her true colors? Will it work?



## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Hi... I feel sad, confused, and i really dont know what to do...
I posted here some time ago and everything turn good but now more things have been coming up.
Ive been living with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have had our good times and bad times we were at a breaking point a couple of months ago because she was starting an Emotional affair but stopped before it got bigger, we talked and we got teough that.
Things went good for months after that but every once in a while i watched some some things i didnt noticed before.
(She early 20s , me late 20s) 
Im at a point that im not looking for just a hook up, but searching for a life oartner. we talked about commitment and i think we are pretty much on the same page but every once in a while she would act selfish... Showing that she only cares about herself... Small things i guess but there are some aspects that made me think about our relationship.
Im worried about the future, i really love her but sometimes i think im at the wrong place. 
We have different approaches when solving a problem, she gets really frustrated and ive alway try to see the the way to fix that problem at the time. (This makes me think because that shows me how she reacts under pressure and makes me wonder if she'll be able to take the heat if someday we get marry ( you know the difficulties and struggles marriage ) would she be able to stay strong. 
I know we are not ready for marriage and that we are still knowing each other , i dont know if things will change or will stay the same and that keeps me wondering...
There are lots of questions i have but right now i need some advice... Should i keep calm and wait... Is there something im not aware of? 
Most of the time we are happy but if something bothers me and i try to tell her she overreacts and makes me feel guilty for thinking that way or saying something i shouldn't have to say.
Oh boy.... I love her ... What should i do...


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## Salesbury (Jun 29, 2014)

It sounds like a no brainer to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Salesbury (Jun 29, 2014)

Salesbury said:


> It sounds like a no brainer to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It sounds like you shouldn't be together, but that's just going off what you're saying. Just seems like if you're feeling this way already it's not good, I felt like that with my ex early on and love or what I thought was love kept me in and I wasted 8 years of my life knowing there was a point at the 2 year mark where I never shoulda went back. At the year point w my hubby everything was great at easy. Just seems like so much so early and I'd hate to see what kind of future that brings. You have to make the ultimate decision on what to do but like I said going off what you wrote it doesn't sound good to an outsider.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Based on what you say, you have a partner that already doesn't want to be committed or she wouldn't have strayed and she wouldn't live with you without being married. She has definitely showed her spots. Then again, I now wonder how many women out there are marriage material. Mine left me, and I can tell you it's a pain you never want to endure. You'd better choose wisely, and read up on how to be a good husband, or you will eventually find out what I'm talking about. Don't be scared to move on, either. Three are lots of lonely people out there.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Hi... I feel sad, confused, and i really dont know what to do...
I posted here some time ago and everything turn good but now more things have been coming up.
Ive been living with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have had our good times and bad times we were at a breaking point a couple of months ago because* she was starting an Emotional affair but stopped before it got bigger*, we talked and we got teough that.
Things went good for months after that but every once in a while i watched some some things i didnt noticed before.
(She early 20s , me late 20s) 
Im at a point that im not looking for just a hook up, but searching for a life oartner. we talked about commitment and i think we are pretty much on the same page but *every once in a while she would act selfish... Showing that she only cares about herself*... Small things i guess but there are some aspects that made me think about our relationship.
Im worried about the future, i really love her but sometimes i think im at the wrong place. 
We have different approaches when solving a problem, she gets really frustrated and ive alway try to see the the way to fix that problem at the time. (This makes me think because that shows me how she reacts under pressure and makes me wonder if she'll be able to take the heat if someday we get marry ( you know the difficulties and struggles marriage ) would she be able to stay strong. 
I know we are not ready for marriage and that we are still knowing each other , i dont know if things will change or will stay the same and that keeps me wondering...
There are lots of questions i have but right now i need some advice... Should i keep calm and wait... Is there something im not aware of? 
*Most of the time we are happy but if something bothers me and i try to tell her she overreacts and makes me feel guilty for thinking that way or saying something i shouldn't have to say.*Oh boy.... I love her ... What should i do... 





She was not 100% committed to you and allowed an emotional affair to begin.


Acting selfish is going to happen in just about every relationship. However, how often she is selfish and what she is selfish about is *very important for you to evaluate.*

She is either ignorant about issues that bothers you or she is too weak or selfish to help with issues that bother you. *I would evaluate this very intensely*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Except for the emotional affair that stopped once you confronted her about it... you gave no real examples of what she does that you are concern about, you only gave your very high level interpretation.

There is a chance that your interpretation of her actions (other than the EA) are not accurate.

I would never want to marry a man who thought of me the way you think of her, justified or not.

A marriage between the two of you will not work. The things that bother you before marriage will bother you 100 times more after marriage.

It does not matter if you love her, there is too much about her that you do not like.

You either have to work to change your perception of her actions you need to just breakup with her.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

That's why it is called dating

so you can choose OR NOT to be with the person long term.

Move along and find a better match for you

current Girlfriend (if you can call her that) is NOT that match


also learn what things are deal breakers for you. WHat do you WANT in a relationship and what you DON'T WANT in a relationship.


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## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Except for the emotional affair that stopped once you confronted her about it... you gave no real examples of what she does that you are concern about, you only gave your very high level interpretation.
> 
> There is a chance that your interpretation of her actions (other than the EA) are not accurate.
> 
> ...



You are right... I have to change my percetion and start thinking clear, i think i might still have some negative feelings about the E.A thats was going on that got my percetion distorted and i need to work on it.


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## Salesbury (Jun 29, 2014)

Calimarshall said:


> You are right... I have to change my percetion and start thinking clear, i think i might still have some negative feelings about the E.A thats was going on that got my percetion distorted and i need to work on it.


Have you thought about counseling for yourself?? Perhaps a counselor can help you work thru your thoughts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Calimarshall (May 8, 2014)

Salesbury said:


> Have you thought about counseling for yourself?? Perhaps a counselor can help you work thru your thoughts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah i'll do that soon, i have to work on that and other issues that have been affecting my life. I want to be a better man for her and for me, putting thepast behind and working on myslef.


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