# Advice please~ When is it too much?



## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Okay, I came here to ask because I want a respectful answer. I feel very overwhelmed and confused and I don't know where to go. Is there such a thing as Oing too much? To the point of feeling exhausted and worn out?

I don't want to be too graphic but will explain a little. Dh has been nursing on me, and it has made everything way more sensitive than before. It also made us both way more relaxed. This has been going on consistently for a couple of months and inconsistently much longer.

I am 40+, he is older, we have been married for 20+ years. 

To explain a little more, one day I was pleasing him and then afterwards he returned the favor. I sort of panicked because I felt like I had to pee and told him to stop. He stopped for a sec, then went right back and I squirted a little which really freaked me out. He said I already did, I said no I didn't I just almost did. He said, well you did something. I said I think I peed a little, that's why I asked to stop. He said it's not pee it's supposed to do that.

The next thing I know he is intentionally making that happen more often than what I need and I can't say that it doesn't feel good but I can't say that I want that much either. Sometimes it leaves me exhausted to the point of not getting my work done. When I asked for it to slow down a bit he didn't listen at first until he realized there were no clean bath towels because I was getting behind on laundry, then he gave me a little time. I also don't like that it happens so easily now. 

I don't understand what is going on, things were never so intense before. It's overwhelming.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Sounds like you are experiencing a female ejaculation. Not every woman experiences it. A female orgasm may be totally separate to her ejaculating -- they are not necessarily one and the same. 

Also known as "squirting" or "gushing" it is not *not* urine. It is actually near the exact (minus the sperm) chemical construction as prostatic fluid. Until only recently, it was thought that women did not have a prostate, but now the medical community has admitted the existence of the female prostate. The G-spot is the main ingredient in female ejaculation and it's no coincidence that the female G-spot is in practically exactly the same spot (albeit on a different wall) as the male prostate.

Men can try (kinda half-arsed) to find their SO's G-Spot (I discovered my W's only this year). I'm guessing your DH is very proud that he is the catalyst your "squirt" orgasm. This is because it takes a certain touch to procure these special ejaculatory functions.

I know previously when you experienced this you were very uncomfortable, because you thought it was urine. But now that you know that it is NOT, perhaps if you were to just relax and let it happen, it could be quite enjoyable for both of you to reach this level of excitement?

On the exhaustion piece, I guess I do understand. My wife experienced her first squirt last week when we introduced a new toy, the We-Vibe 3, into our sex. And the next day, she told me that we couldn't use that toy EVERY time. Now I guess I know why, because it took so much energy from her. Anyhow, Maybe you could tell you DH that you're OK with this, but not every time...after all, who wants the same thing time after time anyway?


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thank you for responding. 

Yes, the O seems different than the messy stuff. Sometimes it's together though. It seems like urine, but it doesn't stink and it is confusing and embarrassing because I feel like I wet the bed or something. 

I honestly don't think that he knew what he did that caused it that little bit the first time. He acted surprised too. But about a week later he started doing things differently and then it became all the time. At first I joked that I'd like a dozen of those please and I was seriously joking and he went for it. Not that I could have counted anyway, but then he learned that he could do it over and over. Is that supposed to happen?

I don't think that the change was all him though. When he told me it was supposed to do that and that he wanted me to and to just let it go, I did. That part was easy because for years I have felt that sensation and made him stop because I thought I was going to pee. Letting go just meant not holding those muscles in when I felt that. They want to push out when I feel that, and I had been pulling them in or squirming so I didn't feel that feeling. For over 20 years I have made it stop! Now I'm stunned too, how can I not know something like that? I still O'd the other way and I didn't even think that I was missing out on anything.

I keep thinking that right now he is just very proud of his new skill and that it will settle down like all new things do. But how many times okay? My tummy muscles got so sore at first but they don't get as sore now.

We haven't ever tried a toy, but I can't imagine anything making the sensation stronger because it is truly overwhelming. Seriously it feels exhausting to the point that I can't just get up. I tried once to get up right after and I stumbled and fell. Now he doesn't let me get up right after and I know better than to try now. I asked him to buy Gatorade after a workout like that.

This all sounds great, so we are having fun. But it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Not because it doesn't feel good, because it still feels like pee. My brain won't let me accept it. 

:scratchhead:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

enjoy the ride.you only live once.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

secret10 said:


> Thank you for responding.
> 
> I honestly don't think that he knew what he did that caused it that little bit the first time. He acted surprised too. But about a week later he started doing things differently and then it became all the time. At first I joked that I'd like a dozen of those please and I was seriously joking and he went for it. Not that I could have counted anyway, but then he learned that he could do it over and over. Is that supposed to happen?
> 
> :scratchhead:


FYI, my W is now 44, and this is new to her also...I can understand you not wanting to pee on you H. My W was TERRIFIED to deficate on her OB when giving birth. It happens. Fears of such things cause anxiety, and in a sexual situation, anxiety takes away from the sexual experience.

I'm sure when it happened a little bit the first time, he spent a bit of time either talking to his friends or researching the internet and discovered that he had happened upon a treasure chest by accident. And this is a huge turn on. He found your key, and this is huge to him.

By resisting the urge to ejaculate, do you have any idea of the pleasure you MIGHT be denying yourself? I can tell you that when my W did it, it unlocked something in her desire for ME. She's now being much more sexually aggressive to me, she's encouraging me to man-handle her more, and she just let's it happen, no unhealthy anxiety.

BUT...I understand that it can't be every time. We have kids...and such feelings are not without lots and lots of uncontrollable noise. And I'm OK with that. Just as long as she doesn't want to leave it behind forever.

Perhaps you could just have a conversation with you DH about your feelings, the anxiety you've felt because of it, that you now also know what it is, that you are going to try to let the anxiety go and just feel it, but it is a very new and strange sensation, that you need time to build up to it, and that you don't think that you can manage it every single time. Couldn't he take that as your willingness to be sexually open with him, and that as long as he allows you some control along the way, he'd likely be 100% on board with you? AFter all, he doesn't want this to dry up on the vine, and you hold the key to that result.

Enjoy yourself...in moderation and keep it fresh/


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thanks chillymorn! I'm working on it. 

John1068, your wife and I are super close in age. I had the same fear while giving birth only it really did happen. Except we had a home birth that time and the midwife wasn't here, only my dh. I was mad at him for not letting me get up to go to the bathroom, I kept saying I had to. The midwife on the phone kept telling him not to let me up because she was trying to slow me down until she arrived. Yeah, you don't forget that stuff. Scars a girl for life I tell you.

He almost had to have found the information he was looking for intentionally. I mean, he was making that feeling come sometimes but it almost felt like it was in passing and of course me not letting him stay there. Then if he knew something that I didn't, why didn't he tell me a long time ago?

Yes, I do realize the pleasure I would be denying myself and I don't really want to do that but I want to get my work done too. I mean there have been days that I have done nothing other than that, nurse and sleep. Honestly I think the desires were awakened more with just the nursing thing and all inhibitions left which lead to this in the first place. Now anything he says I'm just saying 'okay' without giving it a second thought. Can I have a motorcycle? Uh huh. Can I buy a Camaro? Uh huh. Not that he would ask me to do anything harmful, but it's scary to think that I have been so... I don't even know what word I'm looking for.

I know that Dh has this in mind this evening, he even mentioned it when calling and said we should before dinner. But... we too have kids in the house and one got sick just before he got home. We actually have lots of kids, not catholic but don't believe in birth control. So anyway, there are still several kids at home, some grown and married too. But when they're little and sick they're in our room so I can care for them promptly. That crushed his plan and he understood. But then tonight, we can get away with typical stuff with little ones sleeping, our room is huge and I have couch in my room too for such things. But this other thing does get noisy and I can't help it and it feels out of control and I don't like feeling like I don't have control of myself. Anyway, I told him he could try it if he wants to but he better stick a sock in my mouth. Again I was joking, my guess is he will actually bring a sock to bed along with the towel.

I sit here talking like it's a problem and I know it's not really a problem other than it stresses me because there are parts of me that just doesn't get it. I know that those parts are all in my head and it's still new and just weird and it stresses me to the point of tears. I don't want to be stressed about it, I want to just enjoy it and enjoy him but where the heck did that come from? I seriously never heard of such things until that moment he said it was supposed to do that. And it went from that little bit that one time to all the time so quickly and it's just shocking. Also with him nursing, that gives several more opportunities every day that weren't there before. 

I need to pitch my fit and get over it, I know I do. When I settle this in my head I will be fine, I know I will but I'm not there yet. He will certainly do what I ask, and no he wouldn't to put a halt to the good things that have been happening in our marriage either. I've never felt this way before. I don't know what has hit me.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

I understand what your going through...I really do. 

Here's a story...We've been together since 1988, married in 1991. When we met with our pastor just before he married us, we had to each take a compatibility test. We took the test in the same room, each with our own identical questionnaire. When we got to the question "if your spouse wanted to do something sexual that made you uncomfortable, what would you do", followed by several multiple choice questions. I looked up at her, as an in-love 22 year old, and said "Never up the butt" (I did NOT put that as my answer to the pastor). 

Well, about 6 months ago, for whatever reason, I started to really, really, REALLY want to do more with her, sexually. Like, maybe that emphatic statement I made wasn't how I felt any longer. I started to drop hints, but never did anything physical with her that went against that statement. About a month ago, she came out and just asked me if I was really interested in the anal thing, and then reminded me about that memorable day in 1991. I admitted to her that it now interested me. And while she's not all-in on the matter, she's opening herself up to the idea. No pressure. The last thing I want to do is make her not want something in an affirmative way, to be sexually angry with me. So, I'll read her, I'll be slow with her. I fully am aware that it may never actually happen. And that's OK if it doesn't. I respect her more too much to make her do something that just really scares her or wierds her out. The fact is just talking about deep secrets makes us closer. I can tell you that when I discovered her G Spot, I researched it. I wanted to hit it again. and again and again...And she really enjoyed it. But she asked me to not feel the need to hit it EVERY time. Because when I do, it wears her out and she no longer has the energy to give TO ME. Sometimes she just wants to pleasure me without feeling the pressure for her to be on her A-game (or O-game...). 

The same can be in your case. You're quite busy with kids, etc. Stressful, indeed. There's a give and take. Your DH may really get excited about getting you off in such a way. But maybe you could tell him that it's just too much to do every time. That you want to have the energy to pleasure him as well, without having the pressure to O yourself. That tonight you want to give HIM a gift, that he doesn't have to be in a position to be on his A-game for your benefit. My DW did that to me last night. It was very quick, and I felt so special that my DW was thinking ONLY of me, not of herself. Have you tried that?


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thanks, you make this seems so simple. I think he will get it, and he is just too excited with something new. I have done that, and I do more regularly now than ever and we actually had a conversation about that just a couple of days ago. He said how he appreciated it, especially with outside stresses weighing in. That's how this stuff started in the first place.  That day that I did a little and didn't know what happened, I had pleased him and it wasn't even convenient for him to return the favor but he was insistent. I won't even try to explain that one, but the whole situation was another 1st experience let alone that happening.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Ah, the squirt! Consider yourself lucky (I think?) Not a lot of women are capable of this (or is it the man who's not capable to bring her to that point?  ) Actually, I think they all ARE, it's just a question of knowing one's body and having a partner who knows it, too.

My ex wife and I discovered this when we were in our early 20's, long before we married. In the 14 years we were together, she never had a single "normal" orgasm via anything I did, ever. But she was capable, as we accidentally found out one day, of squirting, but only through g-spot stimulation.

Fast forward 20 odd years, and my current wife and I discovered she is capable of this, too. She had never had one before, and didn't even know what it was, despite her previous experience.

She also does not like it to be a regular thing in our sex lives, however she will ask me to do it maybe 1/3rd of the time. She is also capable of having them without g-spot stimulation. We discovered that if I, while in missionary position, stimulate her clitoris with my penis, she will have a better squirting orgasm than if through g-spot stimulation. And I will require a shower afterwards.

And yes, it completely tires her out, especially if I give her a second one in the same session. Then it's good night and roll over 

I am a strong believer that all women are capable of this. They just have to be comfortable with their bodies (ie. able to let go), have to be comfortable with their partner, and most importantly, have a partner who knows their body.

In my experience with both women who have done this, they are the most pleasing orgasms they have, especially judging by the body language while having it. Again, my ex wife could only achieve clitoral orgasm using a vibrator. Not even my tongue or hand could do the job. But the squirting orgasm didn't come close to even the most powerful toys she had. Same thing with my wife.

Enjoy it!


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thanks alexm. I honestly think it could have been happening all along here had I known it was okay. OMGOSH! This is embarrassing stuff to speak of.

I can do it now very easily. The first one takes a little longer but the next couple happen faster but are stronger, then less again. And I understand what you are speaking of, when we use the same position and he pulls his gear out of me and just rests it there I make a mess nearly instantly. I can push him out of me if he doesn't pull it out first those muscles contract with such force. It's got to be better than any crunches I have ever done for a tummy workout.

I gather from the experiences on here both of you said that is can be tiring for her so I will take that part as normal. Hopefully save it for bedtime when I'm going to sleep anyway, rather than having it mess up my productive day-time routines. AND... I have a plan for tonight minus the messes. 

I still feel a bit weird, but I feel better knowing I'm not losing my mind. 

Thank you.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

John1068, your story about your time with your pastor is so funny. I understand that too, I'm already doing things I thought I would never do. I guess we are all very blessed to have such openness in our marriages.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Talk to your husband about all the things you are feeling. Why not? It will bring you closer, and you might feel more comfortable if you two are on the same page about this.

And any time you want to stop because you've had enough, just tell him so. There's no point in exhausting yourself and turning it from a pleasure into a chore.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Welcome to TAM...try not to feel embarrassed. You do have a lot going on in your life. 

Blessings on your new baby and your Dh and your love life....your mind is prob all over the place....you might have the madonna/***** thing going on.....most of us wives go through this...

I remember, Dh and I have 4 children....I was sooooo confused with my breasts....I loved nursing all babies..but Dh also loved sucking on them...I was torn...are my breasts for my baby or Dh ..at first I stopped nursing to give them to Dh...as I grew and matured I realized by the next baby I can give them both a gift...ANR saved our sex life.......

My point is this....you are married to a wonderful man..don't ever feel ashamed for anything the two of you do in your marriage bed..Communication is key..


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thanks norajane, that is what I did. I'm not saying no to him, only saying I still want to do my other jobs and take care of our family the way I am supposed to. 

over20, that's just exactly it, only there is no baby right now. LO is 5 and quit nursing quite a while back.  Dh always enjoyed nursing and I enjoyed him nursing too and it always felt different from babies nursing. He did it sometimes when I was nursing babies, he was always afraid of taking away from them. I didn't even think that I could just nurse both, I should have thought that, I've tandem nursed before. Then he was always jealous of the attention that I gave the children, and now it is different because now nursing is all his. I never told him no, but I never encouraged it either.

I didn't even know what ANR was until fairly recently, like a couple of months ago. By that time, the process of inducing had already begun even without realizing it. It was hurting if he didn't nurse, and by then it was either bind them up or bring it on. Easy choice really. It's doubtful that we will have any more babies, but we have already talked about that. If we do, they both nurse.

I can't only say that it saved our sex life, but also our marriage. Everything got better from that moment. Even the adult children have noticed a difference in our interactions. I can't say that the last 20+ years have been easy by any means, but I can say that the last 2 months have been sheer heaven, especially thinking back. I can't turn back on any of it now, things are so different. Communication is a million times better and I can tell him things I never would have considered telling him before. 

Not too much married people fun here tonight though; sick LO and I will be standing guard over him all night long.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I find this a little bit sad....Secret, unless I have mis-read/understood, I'm guessing your DH send you into 7th heaven with what he's doing to to....and you are worried/embarrassed about the feeling and your bodys resulting response.

Please oh please just enjoy it... you are in the privacy of your own bedroom with your husband...let yourself go. If it gives you great pleasure and orgasms just go with it, don't question it.

My wife has never been able to let go and just enjoy the moment. It has ruined our sex life...to the point its sexless and I'm not interested.


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## daveca (Jan 14, 2014)

Secret, it's no big deal if a little urine squirts out. As long as you don't have a urinary tract infection urine is sterile. Just put a towel down and enjoy it. Your husband must understand a little urine is a definite possibility so either he accepts that or he stops doing what he's doing. Remember, no one died from a bit of urine.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

askari, yes, I am still embarrassed and just sort of freaked out by what is happening. It bothers me that at these times he has more control over me than I do of myself. Once I said I don't want to yet and he said you're gonna and I did and that was it. Short of getting up and actually making him stop I couldn't have stopped it. The other part that bothers me is the exhaustion afterwards. I don't think it would be so exhausting if it weren't so many times either. I know this is stupid stuff to complain about, but if I'm stuck in bed because I'm so wiped out I'm not interacting with our family or doing my work. There has to be some sort of balance there. I'm terribly sorry for your situation, a close friend of mine has the same situation. Although she liked it before, she doesn't now and she can't get her dh to show any interest. She is devastated and it makes me so sad. I can't say that things were ever completely sexless here, but there have been times that there was very little. There wasn't anything that made me feel more crazy than that kind of rejection.

daveca, you're right. He's the one making that happen and intentionally so he must not care. Whatever it is, I'm going to try not to think about that part. AND... nope, no uti or any other type of infections.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Well, I am still feeling overwhelmed by this even though I have tried very hard to be okay with it. I can’t get my brain past making a mess is okay. I can’t get over not having control of myself. I don’t like that it can happen so fast. It’s like there isn’t much working up to a higher intensity but just magically appearing at the end of a story and wondering how I got there. Part of it is that it makes me feel like NEED him and I don’t like that either. It feels as though the entire deck of cards has been thrown up in the air and everything in our life and our relationship has landed in different places and I can’t put it all into perspective that fast. He didn’t want to do things so often until this happened and now he is insistent and I feel weird that he wants to more now. I’m glad that he wants to, but I want him to want me not this weird result. I asked if we could just leave this part out for a while and he was not too happy with me. He asked how long, I suggested a month but we compromised that I would at least talk to him about it again in two weeks.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

secret10 said:


> Well, I am still feeling overwhelmed by this even though I have tried very hard to be okay with it. I can’t get my brain past making a mess is okay. I can’t get over not having control of myself. I don’t like that it can happen so fast. It’s like there isn’t much working up to a higher intensity but just magically appearing at the end of a story and wondering how I got there. Part of it is that it makes me feel like NEED him and I don’t like that either. It feels as though the entire deck of cards has been thrown up in the air and everything in our life and our relationship has landed in different places and I can’t put it all into perspective that fast. He didn’t want to do things so often until this happened and now he is insistent and I feel weird that he wants to more now. I’m glad that he wants to, but I want him to want me not this weird result. I asked if we could just leave this part out for a while and he was not too happy with me. He asked how long, I suggested a month but we compromised that I would at least talk to him about it again in two weeks.


That's an intersting perspective on being highly orgasmic! I've read the thread, and you've read the thread, and yet you still feel like your body is betraying you. Do you know how many women would give their eye teeth to be as highly orgasmic as you are?

Now come on, let forget the mess for a moment. Let's also forget for a moment you already were having orgasms.

You husband just found a way to make your body sing an aria when before you could barely carry a tune. OF COURSE he's going to want to hear that aria over and over again! It's beautiful, stunning and rare that this level of orgasmic talent just pops out of someone, not to mention so easily! This is a gift! A gift you didn't have to work for research, go to therapy for, visualize, meditate over...it just happened!

Now let's talk about the mess. Sex is messy. Big deal. Lots of women, myself included, keep special red towels under the bed for sex. Put a towel down and have fun!

If you think your husband is upset about you not wanting this, you would be right. What man wouldn't want to be able to think to himself, I made her pass out with pleasure! Holy cow girl, I can't think of anything that would make a man feel more like a man than that!

You like the other orgasms too. So make sure you get one or or four of those before you go for the crescendo of climaxes!

I used to be able to do that. Not so much now with menopause, but on occasion...

It's a gift and like all gifts, it's not going to stick around forever so have fun with it!


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

secret10 said:


> Part of it is that it makes me feel like NEED him and I don’t like that either.


This is an interesting piece of info. Why would you not want to feel that your NEED your husband?


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Anon Pink, what it amount to is that I feel like a freak. Things that are happening I didn't even know existed until recently. I want to make him happy, but it makes me feel vulnerable too. I'm sure there are people reading and wondering what the heck there is to be worried about but seriously, every time I think about it I am in tears. It's not that I don't enjoy it physically, it's all of the other aspects that make me feel badly afterwards.

T&T, he has always said that he wants me to WANT him and not NEED him. If I act like I need him he will pull away and make sure I don't need him. My needing him has never been a good thing around here, although he hasn't ever said that regarding bedroom things.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Those are mind movies interfering with your positive thoughts. 

You don't NEED to have these orgasms. So you don't NEED him to give them to you. You WANT to have these orgasms, so you WANT him to give it to you. 

I can give myself plenty of orgasms, but they are much better coming from my husband. I don't NEED him to orgasm, but I want his participation.

Do you see the difference?

Why do you feel like a freak? And what's wrong with being a freak in the sheets! I love being a freak! Do you think your H could find any other woman whose body he can make sing? Nope! If he wants to make a woman's body sing, he's already found the rare woman who can sing!


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thanks Anon Pink. No, I don't NEED to O all the time and I certainly won't die without it. I suppose I could give them to myself, and not that I have never but I just don't. I'm not sure that I could give them myself the messy way but I don't care about that. There is no comparison between what he gives and what I could do myself. 

I don't think that he could find another and just the amount of time it took to get from there to here wouldn't be possible or would seem like forever to start over. And that goes two ways, nor could I find another to have the same. 

He just called me and I realize how much deeper this goes. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of losing it. I'm afraid that he won't want to touch me because it will likely end up being more than just a touch. He has ED, not that it has been an issue lately at all but it has been an issue most of our married life and he avoided so much just to not have to face it. Things haven't been easy around here, our life together has been extremely difficult and I'm afraid to trust that it's all okay now. It's been 2 months since this started, and 2 months doesn't wash away 20 years of struggling. He was so sweet when he called, I was crying my eyes out and he was saying it's all okay. I told him everything I'm thinking and feeling and he was saying this should have happened a long time ago and apologized that it didn't.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That is so sweet! See how much he loves you!

You're braced for a storm that may never come. Because it hasn't been easy, you assume this current good weather will likely end soon. Don't do that! Live in the moment and enjoy what you have while you have it! The closer this brings you two together the easier it will be to ride out those storms the next time they come.


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## bild-a-loco (Jan 22, 2014)

Secret, as others have said, you're simply ejaculating - IT IS NOT URINE! Do not be freaked out about it and don't worry about it - if it bothered your hubby, he wouldn't keep doing it. Most dedicated guys will spend years looking for that little spot of rough membranes in there that builds up your juices and then causes them to go into waterfall mode. Most ladies don't ever get to experience what you're having, so just DO NOT worry about messes or being embarrassed and learn to enjoy it - it is a wonderful experience. 

My first wife was a "gusher," to be crude about it, and could just about drown you when she hit that point. We weren't together long, but I will admit, it was very exciting to see her completely out of control like that and I loved bringing her to that stage. And, as you said, she was generally exhausted for a little while after these as they were quite intense. 

Just go buy some more cheap towels at the dollar store an enjoy yourself - this isn't a problem anywhere but in your mind, so recognize it as a gift and be grateful! Take care!


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Thank you Anon Pink. He said something else that has been whirling through my head as I have been doing my chores. He said that it is that I am just now truly submitting to him and that I couldn't before because of circumstances. He said that I couldn't because he left me to take care of everything and didn't do what he was supposed to. Weather he is right or wrong isn't where my thoughts are, just that he would be thinking anything deeper than what we are having for dinner. I'm going to take a deep breath and try not to think about this any more today, I'm sure that won't happen. 

bild-a-loco, thank you. I know that there is a lot of debate about what it is exactly and I don't really think it is pee and I always have to smell it to reassure myself, gross I know. It did take years, just over 20 years but I also realize that I fought the feeling forever until one day I couldn't and it slipped just a little bit. All it took was him telling me it was okay and that it was supposed to do that. 

The only time I had ever heard about this was from a friend from high school, a few years after high school. She was upset because her dh was watching porn and wanted her to but she couldn't and they later ended up having no sex at all for many years. She told me that she thought it wasn't real and was just something in the shows he was watching. I never gave it another thought until it happened. I have only seen porn 1 time in my life, dh asked me to watch with him just so I could say I did and I seriously got sick and we turned it off. It's not my thing. I am not saying porn is right or wrong either, I'm just saying that if it's not real, then how did it happen to me? It's not like I was trying for it to happen or wanted it to happen, or even was thinking that it should. I hadn't been exposed to it, they don't teach this stuff in school. It wasn't passed down information when getting married. It's just a surprise, to say the least.

We just bought new bath towels so we could designate the old ones. You are 100% right, it is only a problem in my mind and even I recognize that. I have something that I need work through to accept what is.


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