# Has anyone lived with an angry partner for years?



## jnyu44 (Feb 13, 2012)

Have any of you lived with a wife who was very easy to anger and would stay angry for periods of time? Ie, does or did your spouse have anger issues that you have/did deal with?

The last few months with my new wife have just been awful. We are both under a lot of pressure and at the beginning we would both act out and hurt each other. However, because she is more strong willed, eventually I forced myself to just bottle everything up otherwise she would react to my acting out and things would just get much worse. 

After months of this, I am worried I can't hold it together anymore. I'm in my first year of grad school and am under intense pressure on a daily basis as is, and I dread coming home every day. When she gets angry, I suffer so much. She always slams things, dishes, cabinets, doors, etc. which ... although I'm used to now, weighs on me subconsciously I think (I feel so weak and want to just cry sometimes). Aside from the constant sighing, she will cry in the bathroom or make weird struggling noises. I know she is under pressure herself so of course I don't try to be mean and tell her to stop...but it's really beginning to weigh on me. After all the fights and just being around a constantly depressed person...I feel like I'm close to giving in. Problem is...I just don't know what my end game is. I haven't thought about what I'll do when I break...I feel like I just want to run 100000 miles away where no one can ever find me. 

I want to know if anyone has successfully lived through such a situation. I've been pushed way past my limits many times this year (grad school + this pressure), and I was able to adapt every time and become stronger. I feel so weak now...but I feel like if there are people who have lived through this, I might be able to as well.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

First things first. You need to find a way to dissipate your the anger and emotions that are building up in you. Isn’t there some kind of clinic at your school? Go see a counselor there. Get active with something physical like jogging, walking, bike riding. Something. Physical activity works wonders.

Have a plan for what you are going to do if you feel like exploding. Walking out your door and going somewhere safe… a friend’s house, out for coffee.. Out for a run. Anything to get you out of there and control yourself so that you don’t do anything foolish.

Your wife is out of control. She is emotionally abusive and verging on physically abusive. Her behavior is unacceptable. You would not be mean if you told her to stop the noises and the nonsense. 

She needs anger management and psychiatric help.

You might want to consider a separation. Grad school is hard enough without this nonsense.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

jnyu44 said:


> Have any of you lived with a wife who was very easy to anger and would stay angry for periods of time? Ie, does or did your spouse have anger issues that you have/did deal with?
> 
> The last few months with my new wife have just been awful. We are both under a lot of pressure and at the beginning we would both act out and hurt each other. However, because she is more strong willed, eventually I forced myself to just bottle everything up otherwise she would react to my acting out and things would just get much worse.
> 
> ...


Yes I have. I lived with it for the first 13 years of my marriage. Always knew she had hormone issues but every time I tried to talk to her about it she just went ape ****. 

Eventually medical realities demanded a total hysterectomy. Within 2 days she changed completely and asked my forgiveness for all the years of nastiness she put me through. She has been as level headed as a table top for the last 22 years.

Yes Virginia, there is a santa claus! LOL


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have. His anger worsened over time.


I dealt with it by leaving.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

A Beautiful Female with no Discretion and hard temper is like a Diamond Ring on a Swine's Nose..


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You havent met my wife. Your description would do her justice. If you want to stay together you have to somehow learn to live with it. She wont change so forget that. I rely on telling her lies to stop her getting angry. Someone came to visit me yesterday she asked if I had invited him in. I said no because she would start going on about that the house isnt 'ready' for visitors at least the ones who come to me. I just mentioned that her clothes had 'shrunk' meaning she should wear something else, the mouthful I got. Breaking things! she does that automatically even when shes not angry. Slamming doors turning lights off in my room to keep me in the dark anything to annoy me. I dont know a solution.


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

A Beautiful Female with no Discretion and hard temper is like a Diamond Ring on a Swine's Nose.
Thats part of proverbs


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

accept said:


> A Beautiful Female with no Discretion and hard temper is like a Diamond Ring on a Swine's Nose.
> Thats part of proverbs



Surely, *and Adapted...*


DID YOU SEE THIS "ACCEPT"..?????


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

accept said:


> You havent met my wife. Your description would do her justice.
> 
> ===Okkk
> 
> ...


---She seems to have psychological issues...take her for a real apt counselling therapy or more as required..


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I think the exact wording is more like a beautiful female with 'removed' taste, and a gold ring not a diamond one.


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

I was the angry partner for years, anger bottled up inside and reaching a toxic level. Divorce cured my anger.


----------



## nomoretogive (Oct 29, 2011)

Mrs. T said:


> I was the angry partner for years, anger bottled up inside and reaching a toxic level. Divorce cured my anger.


I have always wondered if divorce was an effective anger management strategy. Glad to hear it really does work. My anger only rears its ugly head with him, so it makes sense that divorce could fix it!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

nomoretogive said:


> I have always wondered if divorce was an effective anger management strategy. Glad to hear it really does work. My anger only rears its ugly head with him, so it makes sense that divorce could fix it!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The Reasons for a spouse' anger on the other can be various...So if anger has already ruined and tortured a poor thing, a divorce is going to be either a relief or an added eternal tragedy...


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

accept said:


> I think the exact wording is more like a beautiful female with 'removed' taste, and a gold ring not a diamond one.


--okkk I get a pic of the real her ..


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

New International Version (©1984)
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
New Living Translation (©2007)
A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout.

English Standard Version (©2001)
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
As a ring of gold in a swine's snout So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

Aramaic Bible in Plain English (©2010)
Like a nose ring of gold in the snout of the pig, so is a beautiful woman who has turned from discretion.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
[Like] a gold ring in a pig's snout, [so] is a beautiful woman who lacks good taste.

King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who is without discretion.

American King James Version
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

American Standard Version
As a ring of gold in a swine's snout,'so is a fair woman that is without discretion.

Douay-Rheims Bible
A golden ring in a swine's snout, a woman fair and foolish.

Darby Bible Translation
A fair woman who is without discretion, is as a gold ring in a swine's snout.

English Revised Version
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

Webster's Bible Translation
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman who is without discretion.

World English Bible
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout, is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.

Young's Literal Translation
A ring of gold in the nose of a sow -- A fair woman and stubborn of behaviour.


Take your pick!


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

Mark Val said:


> Surely, *and Adapted...*
> 
> 
> DID YOU SEE THIS "ACCEPT"..?????


----------



## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

mark val said:


> *a beautiful female with no discretion and hard temper is like a diamond ring on a swine's nose..*






do you see the difference..??? :d


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Of course I do. You have got the quotation the wrong way round.
You added on hard temper. Some have discretion others have taste which I think is the more correct. And they prefer gold to diamonds!


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Mark Val said:


> The Reasons for a spouse' anger on the other can be various...So if anger has already ruined and tortured a poor thing, a divorce is going to be either a relief or an added eternal tragedy...


 A relief and a rediscovery of happiness and self worth.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The only thing that's odd about her is she's not expressing her anger in typically female ways such as bitter whining, grumbling, passive aggressive hissing, constant verbal attacks and corrections, a sour hypercritical disposition, resentment, silence, fuming, the tendency to change her mind several times a second, lying and of course claims that it's 1 million percent all your fault. Which is what I live with.

It's kind of funny I found a picture of my wife as a child recently and guess what, she's scowling and angry. She's spent 50+ years angry and miserable and that's how she'll die, probably alone.


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> The only thing that's odd about her is she's not expressing her anger in typically female ways such as bitter whining, grumbling, passive aggressive hissing, constant verbal attacks and corrections, a sour hypercritical disposition, resentment, silence, fuming, the tendency to change her mind several times a second, lying and of course claims that it's 1 million percent all your fault. Which is what I live with.
> 
> It's kind of funny I found a picture of my wife as a child recently and guess what, she's scowling and angry. She's spent 50+ years angry and miserable and that's how she'll die, probably alone.


Dog, I have to ask this because I feel this unexplainable fondness for you (perhaps it's your dry humor one liners, maybe it's your avatar...I love dogs) ...why do you stay with a woman whom you describe as making you totally miserable?? I really don't get it. I don't think you've ever written anything good about your marriage, if so I missed it. Do you love her?


----------



## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Mrs. T said:


> Dog, I have to ask this because I feel this unexplainable fondness for you (perhaps it's your dry humor one liners, maybe it's your avatar...I love dogs) ...why do you stay with a woman whom you describe as making you totally miserable?? I really don't get it. I don't think you've ever written anything good about your marriage, if so I missed it. Do you love her?



Dog..? I wish you can term him Runs ..than that...

but otherwise what all you said on his ways of describing his wife , seem fine..


----------



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

jnyu44 said:


> Have any of you lived with a wife who was very easy to anger and would stay angry for periods of time? Ie, does or did your spouse have anger issues that you have/did deal with?
> 
> The last few months with my new wife have just been awful. We are both under a lot of pressure and at the beginning we would both act out and hurt each other. However, because she is more strong willed, eventually I forced myself to just bottle everything up otherwise she would react to my acting out and things would just get much worse.
> 
> ...


You are a sucker. Other people will call you a nice guy. I was just like you, my wife was so angry and I had no clue how to deal with it.

Read on this forum a little bit about "nice guys", or better yet buy the book "no more mr. nice guy" and get back here to report your thoughts.

One things for sure. If she yells at you, cursed you out etc. and you just sit there and suck it in, being upset but not saying a word, half of her behavior is your fault! She needs and want someone to stop her, to tell her that this is not acceptable. But you are not.

Since I learned about the nice guy concept (to be more exact the weakness of those people who would like to call it niceness... it is nothing but), almost every post I read I find it! 

So to be very blunt, if your wife is basically driving you crazy, and she is not - an addict, or has a real mental issue - there is a great likelihood that you are part of the problem.


----------



## Chuckp47 (Nov 11, 2011)

Been through it my friend. 15 years. Like someone said, I lied as a coping mechanism. About foolish things. I found myself playing all possible scenarios just to see what lie would cause the least damage over the truth. Then I learned to push her buttons to "burn her out" so her anger would change to something else, anything else. My advice, get out while you can, as soon as you can. Like the bible verse being tossed around here, no amount of looks can overcome the constant he'll that a woman like this will put you through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuckp47 (Nov 11, 2011)

Been through it my friend. 15 years. Like someone said, I lied as a coping mechanism. About foolish things. I found myself playing all possible scenarios just to see what lie would cause the least damage over the truth. Then I learned to push her buttons to "burn her out" so her anger would change to something else, anything else. My advice, get out while you can, as soon as you can. Like the bible verse being tossed around here, no amount of looks can overcome the constant he'll that a woman like this will put you through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Mrs. T said:


> Dog, I have to ask this because I feel this unexplainable fondness for you (perhaps it's your dry humor one liners, maybe it's your avatar...I love dogs) ...why do you stay with a woman whom you describe as making you totally miserable?? I really don't get it. I don't think you've ever written anything good about your marriage, if so I missed it. Do you love her?


Because extricating myself from it will be complicated. I have tried before and the emotional meltdown spun off into the realm of complete insanity including contacting my boss(es) and making wild accusations, contacting the police and making wild accusations, attempting to have me arrested, 'accidentally' trying to run me down with her car, immediately closing out all the bank accounts taking all the money and hiding it. When the kids were little, we once had a discussion about divorce, her response was to wake up the kids at 2am bundle them in the car, drive to the police station and claim their lives were in danger. And so on. So this will take some careful planning to make my exit with a minimum of vietcong burn the village tactics being employed. I am prepared to leave her financially in exactly the same place as she is now with all of the property and assets she now has, spousal support, health insurance for her and all the kids (who are grown and will be out of college in a year), both houses, her car, etc. I have to move a bunch of stuff around for several months in order to do that so I don't go bankrupt. And then Mistress Crazy can go be miserable and alone on her own. 

Love? OMG Dear me, no.


----------



## Chuckp47 (Nov 11, 2011)

Dang Runs! Maybe it would be less expensive to set up a fake identity and leave the country?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I hold three passports. All that means is that three countries would come looking.


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I hold three passports. All that means is that three countries would come looking.


With approxiamtely 195 countires that still gives you a little leeway.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

jnyu44 said:


> I want to know if anyone has successfully lived through such a situation.
> 
> I feel like if there are people who have lived through this, I might be able to as well.


You can live thought it for (quite) a while, but it will eventually blow up in your face.

Understanding yours and your wife's family backgrounds, your similarities and your differences is an important first step to a more sustainable relationship. Ask your wife about her childhood experiences, especially what she remembers about the interactions between her father and her mother. Understanding the source of your wife's anger will help you decide how to heal with it.

Just this morning I shared in counseling how my understanding (of the origin of the anger my wife brought into our marriage) empowered me to make the positive changes that pulled my family out of certain ruin. We need to know what we are dealing with in order to know what to do about it


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Mrs. T said:


> With approxiamtely 195 countires that still gives you a little leeway.


Back to Africa!


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Back to Africa!


Sounds like the jungle would be safer than trying to dodge whatever your wife might throw your way...


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Runs,

My sympathies brother. I guess my situation pales in comparison. With all due respect sir, your wife is any man's worse nightmare. I think I would rather lose everything and rebuild that to stay another day with something so destructive. I will say a prayer for you tonight. May you find happiness buddy. 

Wow I'm still in shock....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well I suppose you could look at it terms of any other chronic disability. My own family has some severe mental health issues running all through it; depression, schizophrenia, manic depression, substance abuse, and so on. You play the cards you're dealt.


----------

