# wife cheated me by having affair



## betrayedbylove (Jun 5, 2014)

Sorry for long post but i need advice friends plz as my life is hell now.

I am an engineer who married the love of my life 1.5 years ago. We both are working employees. Everything was perfect and fine until a month ago and after our honeymoon.My wife would leave to office by 8am and I by 7:10am. Our sex life was ok as I ensured she never lacks anything in our marriage nor she ever complained. I would return back between 9pm to 10pm and she by 7pm approx.

A few months ago, two of my friends saw my wife in a coffee shop with a guy as they were holding each others hands on table and roming with his hand on her shoulder. They didn't inform me immediately thinking it would crack our friendship. But they used to ask me always " is there any problem in your married life" and my ans was No.

Long story to cut off they told me about the other guy and my wife's roaming not only one time but 3 to4 times in different malls as they saw her and asked me if my wife has told me about her outgoing. I was shocked on hearing as I would always think she in office. After much arguements with my friends I decided to keep a watch on her and didn't confront her. She was at home acting normal but busy with phone sometimes as normal she was. When once again my friend informed me that my wife is in food court with same guy i called her office but was told she is in a busy meeting then I called her but no reply and then my friend told me she is purposely not picking up as he was observing her. I lost my mind andthen I hired a private detective to keep a watch on her and also she shouldn't know this because if my friends were wrong then my marriage would be in trouble.

After days I was shocked to see her and that guys pic they were hugging, kissing on lips and were too close physically and the detective told me about her affair and that guy was her colleague working with her department. Moreover I came to know that she was on leave for a week while she told me she is going to bangalore for a company meeting not only that several days she was absent in office and a warning letter was issued to her. Worst is photos were also of her accompanying him to his residance (entering his building) by touching each others body and she alone leaving by evening.

I was devastated, hurt, exploded in anger, tears came crawling my eyes that time. How can she kiss someone when am alive?? She didn't even think of me one time while doing all this. How shameless she is even being married she is in an affair??I was a fool who wass planning to talk about having Our children. I cried that night but decided to stop being a fool.That day I stayed with my friends by 10:30pm she started calling me and my friend switched it off as I was not in mood.The next day I went home she was a stupid acting like she was worried about me but she came to know from my face something was wrong. I took bath and left house without seeing her face. I directly reached to a lawyers office and narrated my story and evidances to him along with my friends and then served her divorce papers by mutual conset in presence of my and her parents. I confronted her that time and threw the photos on her face when she denied. Everyone was shocked and I slapped and draged her out of my house and shut the door. I created a scene in the building in anger and also threw her parents out. I shouted if not by mutual conset then by Ipc(497) adultery I would file for divore in court. Even now my parents hate my in laws.

Now she has accepetd her affair and exposed it was a pre-marriage affair and physical relation with that guy including foreplay but denies having sex with him. She took leave from office to spend time with him when I was thinking my wife is busy in her work. Now She is constantly crying and begging me and my parents saying she made a big mistake and has nothing to do with that guy from now and such thing will never happen again. She had left her job and is pleading to live like a servant in my house and obey me but not to divorce her. Her parents too are requesting. Now she is complaining that she felt lonely as i was a workholic. she was also working then how come such lame excuse. I loved her a lot but she killed my love for her. I asked her If she was in love with him before marriage then why the hell did she marry me?? Her answer was she wanted to end it after meeting me which is a stupid excuse which destroyed my life.My life is ruined and I can't get over the fact of her kissing and foreplay with other guy it always strikes my head. I am dead set on divorce now. I married her loved her and and she was was in affair and cheated me and kept me in dark until my friends found out. This is what I got for loving my ex wife. Now I don't love her anymore nor I want to hear her excuses. I just want a clean divorce from her as early and my parents too are supporting me. Her tears have no effect on me. But she begs for a last and final chance. Her friends contacted me saying she is highly depressed and in suicidal tendency as all are hating her. She will be loyal from now to me and had broken all ties with other guy and realised her mistake. I replied them I can't believe all this as trust is vanished which is the base of a relation. So its better to kill this relation And told them to leave.

Am I right for being deadset on divorce because cheating cannot be ever forgiven by me?? She could have told me all this or after marriage she should have been loyal to me but betrayed me.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

First off, all cheaters minimize what they did. Its called trickle truth (TT). So when she says she did not have sex with the POSOM, she is most likely lying.

Based on what you have written, with her missing work to be with him, etc, she has been having sex with him on multiple occasions. You can count on that !!

For her to already be cheating on you less than 1 year into a marriage shows a complete and utter lack of respect for you. And you say she was with the OM before you got married.

The advice here is simple. D her sorry cheating butt ASAP, and be grateful you did not have kids with her.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

No, divorce is proper. The marriage is new and she clearly doesn't love you.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Her relationship with this OM predates your marriage. So she has never between loyal to you. What regrets could you have about divorcing her, since your whole marriage was a lie. 

Move on, and find the loyal spouse you deserve.


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## betrayedbylove (Jun 5, 2014)

*thanks for the replys friends*

I am heading towards divorce. I can't believe that she bunked her office like college students do that to just to be with her lover when I her husband was alive. If she would have told me the truth I would have divorced her accordingly if she loves him. My marriage vows were all a lie from her part and now why the hell is she wanting me. Infact by divorce I am giving her the freedom she wants if she loves him and to be with him. Now my cell is flooded with her beg for forgiveness and even she came crying and in shame feel on my knees when I refused to take her back in anyway. She asks for a last and final chance and to obey all my orders in life from now and never do such things ever again.
But I feel cheating is not a mistake and I can't forgive it. Her pics with other guy kissing, and thoughts of foreplay with him always strikes my head and it has damaged my mental peace as I am not able to concentrate on anything and get angry over small thimgs. It is affecting my mental balance.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Block her number and emails.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes
She is only sorry she got exposed and shamed.
I have read this is some serious sh!t in your country.
You have done the right thing no matter what country you are in my friend.
You are among friends.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Whatever decission you make you have to make it comfronting the truth, everybody here will tell you that your wife is still lying, she obviously had sex with this guy, we have seen many times this bahaviour where the WS just accept what has been proven that in this case is dates, kisses and fooling around. but you have to face reality for what we know maybe she has been having this affair from day one in the marriage, besides she take that leave week not to go on dates, but to have time to enjoy intimately their encounters.

Now there is another factor here to consider, for what I get in your story you are from hindu culture, so the reason for she to look reconcialtion is not necesarely her love for you but the shame that she will bring to her family if you divorce her, probably even her parents are telling her that they will disown her if you don't take her back. The problem with this is that she have strong motivations to seek reacilation and do heavy lifiting but for the wrong reasons and not because she loves you and is remorseful to have hurt you.

In the end if you decide to roncilie she have to give you a full time line from when the affair began and what she did with him, to know the full truth you can even use the polygraph test, most cheaters that keep denying that something happened crack once they know they will be taking a polygraph test (some confess inmediatly after being told that there will be a polygraph test but many keep denying having sex when they think the polygraph test is just an empty threat. But once the test is actually arrenged some crack inmediatly, some crack when they are told the day they will have to go to take the test, some crack in the parking loot before going to the test and some while going where the test is going to be taken.)

but before going trough all of this you have to decide if her cheating (even while still not knowing the whole true) is a deal braker to you or not, personally I think that a person that is cheating with a marriage of just 1.5 years is not worth even the effort of considering reconcialtion, you are young, you don't have kids with this woman yet, she was supposed to be still in the honey moon face where she is supposed to be in to you, and yet she cheated.

from an objetive point of view is better to leave now that you don't stand that much to lose that 20 years later with kids, mortage and a great asset division in the picture


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## dsGrazzl3D (Apr 22, 2013)

*Re: thanks for the replys friends*



betrayedbylove said:


> I am heading towards divorce.
> 
> I feel cheating is not a mistake and I can't forgive it.
> 
> It has damaged my mental peace as I am not able to concentrate on anything and get angry over small thimgs. It is affecting my mental balance.


Time will heal your heart, but she can NEVER undo the damage she did... It should end b/c as you stated it happened both before you got married and then continued after. She showed no respect. Simply you need to worry about you, not her! You need IC to get well balanced after her betrayal! Good Luck & be thankful you don't have kids to tie you to her for life!?!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You slapped her huh? Wow. We don't hear that one every day. Well, just continue with the divorce. She lied to you the whole way through. Nothing here to save.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Stay the course. Stay true to yourself.

She was always and still is lying to you.

She was banging him before, during and after you.

She is not now nor ever was the person she made you think she was.

Free yourself and move on to one day find a true love.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

Divorce and move on

if you continue working 7am to 10pm I would suggest staying single, there is no time to put in the work to make a marriage successful...I will NEVER EVER justify infidelity, but I am not surprised it happened

and get some counsiling, you should NOT be hitting people, especially a woman, in anger...sounds to me like you are both a piece of work...time to start over and work on yourself


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Due to differences in Eastern and Western cultures, parts of your story may be difficult for some of us to fully comprehend. Life and work in India is different than in the US, for instance. I'm sure in your culture such a betrayal is almost unimaginable.

You have been a good an honorable husband that has been betrayed terribly. Sadly, it does not sound like your wife is able to devote herself to you, and seems to have entered the marriage without being honest.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

I'm in India right now. Infidelity is only part of stories here. Going through it - fk. 

Move on bro. File for D on adultery grounds. She decides to press DV charges, life would be hell for you. Someone who had an existing A and then married you - you were her plan B all along. Inform her workplace to fk up the OM's life. Post your D truth on fb. Go all out bro. It's a war now.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

go on with the divorce, and avoid all contact.

if they keep after you, (her friends, her parents)

tell them to have you write you the history or timeline of everything in her affair.

Then do not read it and be done her. Asking her for the history, and timeline, will help get her off your back, at least until she is finished with it.

have her include the why as well.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

As a betrayed spouse, you have to take all the circumstances into consideration when you make the decision to R or divorce. As I see it, there are a number of things that point to divorce as the best choice:

- You are newly married. You should be in your honeymoon phase and she's already cheated. If she would do it so early in the marriage, she'll likely do it again.

- She cheated on you even before you were married. There's never been a time when she was faithful to you.

- You don't have children.

- She's lying about the sex. Of course they had sex.

- Do to your culture and the severe consequences to her being divorced for adultery; you can't be sure that any remorse she demonstrates is genuine. She's probably just trying to save her reputation.

I believe you're making the right decision to D. I would also suggest you control your anger and stop lashing out at her. Just ignore her until your D is final. Without children, there can't be much to discuss with her that your lawyer can't handle.

Move on with your life and best of luck.


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## betrayedbylove (Jun 5, 2014)

I am a professional person and my job is hectic sometimes and I cant comprimise on that but she being my wife should have understood this or she should have discussed this problem with me but instead she choose the wrong path. She never during married life told me she felt lonely n all. On sundays I always ensure that I spend max time with her and if even on sundays I have to work till noon I would leave in in my in-laws place in morning if she says so that she can have a timepass by gossiping, chatting n all . Even she was working women she knew about my hectic schedules and only it was rare days when I would reach home by late 11:30pm approx n all by then she would have slept but when I discovered her affair what my work has to do with it she was spending time with that guy and I was kept in dark about it and that too from the start of marriage. My marriage was only a betrayal as if she loved him she could have told me about it I would have cleared away from her path. I worked hard earned money but for whom??? For her only to keep her happy and meet all her demands. But now its all ruined. She gave me hopes and killed it. My marriage was atleast a year but my world collapsed in one day and now why the hell is she wanting me??
She should be happy as I let her go without any hurdles in her path.
Yes I am in process of divorcing her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

I am very sorry for your pain. Please don't strike a woman - there is no need for that. She made her choice and now you have made yours. "As far as it is possible with you, pursue peace with everyone." Adultery is a betrayal I would never wish upon anyone - I hope your heart finds healing. My prayers are with you.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

betrayedbylove said:


> She should be happy as I let her go without any hurdles in her path.


I'm sure she is not happy about it or she wouldn't be begging you back. For sure she regrets getting caught; but remorseful? Like I mentioned, you'll never know. But that's fine. You made the right choice.

Was the other man married? Have you exposed him? That should be part of your to-do list. Make him regret that he chose YOUR wife to cheat with - non-violently.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Divorce her. Her reason to reconcile seems to be shame of the situation and the culture you are from. No kids and a year and half of marriage

But a few observations.

1) I get that it was in the heat of the situation but never ever get physical with a woman. 

2) Your anger seems to be out of control. You need to find a way to deal with it sooner or later. Not for her, but for yourself

3) Not related, but your working hours seem to be insane.

Was she forced to marry you in an arranged marriage ?

What about her lover ? What happened to him ? Is he married too ?


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## betrayedbylove (Jun 5, 2014)

Thank you friends for all your suggestions.

it has been a long time since i have been here.

How can she have an affair when I her husband was alive here. she never even once thought about me while doing all this.

And if affair is concerned I would have also had it who would have stopped me from having an affair No-one, but i had always respected my my cultural and family values. i never thought in my wildest dream that i will be in such a situation. 

If the domestic violence i did is concerned the Indian Court takes into account what has led me do that and then only takes action. Here in my case it is clear cut that i was betrayed and my mental state was disturbed. Hence she cant press charges against me for her wrong doings and if she files any complaint against me to harass me then i will expose her adultery and get her arrested for cheating on me under criminal breach of trust and cheating law under Indian Penal Court.

Anyways i don't wish to take revenge on her. I just wanted to clearly end my relation with her. I hit her out of anger when she denied her cheating whereas i had evidence of her cheating on me and now i had filed for divorce. I don't love her anymore and in future don't wanna see her face ever again.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

betrayedbylove said:


> *If the domestic violence i did is concerned the Indian Court takes into account what has led me do that and then only takes action.* Here in my case it is clear cut that i was betrayed and my mental state was disturbed. Hence she cant press charges against me for her wrong doings and if she files any complaint against me to harass me then *i will expose her adultery and get her arrested for cheating on me under criminal breach of trust and cheating law under Indian Penal Court.*
> 
> Anyways i don't wish to take revenge on her. I just wanted to clearly end my relation with her. I hit her out of anger when she denied her cheating whereas i had evidence of her cheating on me and now i had filed for divorce. I don't love her anymore and in future don't wanna see her face ever again.


Good ending for you OP. Put her in your rear view mirror.

No offense to you or your country, but I sure wouldn't want to be married in India if I was a woman.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

betrayedbylove said:


> Now she has accepetd her affair and exposed it was a pre-marriage affair and physical relation with that guy including foreplay but denies having sex with him.


First of all it doesn't matter if it was pre-marriage, she was still engaged/dating you. And obviously it continued when you were married. So I don't understand the stupid behavior of claiming it was pre-marriage.

Second, she had sex with him, believe that. She first tries to snow you by saying it was "pre-marriage", and foreplay without sex, ya, tell us another good one.





> She took leave from office to spend time with him when I was thinking my wife is busy in her work. Now She is constantly crying and begging me and my parents saying she made a big mistake and has nothing to do with that guy from now and such thing will never happen again. She had left her job and is pleading to live like a servant in my house and obey me but not to divorce her.


Good, she needs to grovel a little.




> Her parents too are requesting. Now she is complaining that she felt lonely as i was a workholic.


Oh no no no. She doesn't get to blame her cheating on you.

I don't know what it is you want to accomplish, divorce or reconciliation. But as long as she is pulling this blameshifting crap, I wouldn't entertain taking her back.

Hell, this is only a 1.5 year marriage. If it were me, I'd get an annulment and move on to greener pastures.




> I loved her a lot but she killed my love for her. I asked her If she was in love with him before marriage then why the hell did she marry me??


Because she is an untrustworthy cake eater.

If you stay with her, she will pine for other men. Don't do that to yourself. Its not too late to get this marriage annulled.




> Her friends contacted me saying she is highly depressed and in suicidal tendency as all are hating her.


That's not your problem.




> Am I right for being deadset on divorce because cheating cannot be ever forgiven by me??



You are right because its what YOU desire. It sure as hell isn't wrong to divorce someone for cheating. That's up to you and you are entitled to make yourself happy. If being with someone you can't stand to look at on a daily basis will make you unhappy, then get rid of her and move on.

That is always my default advice anyway.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

*Re: thanks for the replys friends*



betrayedbylove said:


> It is affecting my mental balance.


No, do NOT let her have that kind of control over your mental well being.

Take a deep breath. This is all new to you. I've been right were you are at now, and I can tell you, once a few months have passed and after getting your divorce/annulment, the world will open up to you.

Go on some dates, enjoy the freedom you are about to have!!

Trust me, 6 months from now you are going to say, "Damn Vell! You were absolutely right!!"


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

vellocet said:


> I may be wrong, but I was thinking he was being sarcastic.


There is a post where the op states something about domestic violence charges against him so I don't think it was a joke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

adriana said:


> Indian men are savages.... simply savages!


Oh I can quote examples of much, much worse behaviour from men in all parts of Europe and the West too (and in many cases this is the norm in the area not the exception).

Here in the UK, mercifully, our women can give as good as they get nowadays (as I think is also the case in the USA). However, it still happens - just saying.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

adriana said:


> Indian men are savages.... simply savages!


naaaaah one should wonder why there is less divorces and infidelity rates in those countries


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

iwontliedown said:


> Its always helpful to channel the anger the the right person.
> 
> And btw, the way you handled this is one of the reason I'm so proud to be an Indian


If that's what makes you proud to be Indian I suggest you go back there. Whilst I can understand why OP reacted the way he did, there's no way I can condone violence against women.

Your attitude doesn't belong in Britain or the twenty-first century.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

iwontliedown said:


> I cant understand why such moral outrage at my post? Don't tell me that all the betrayed from so-called civilized west didn't think about smashing their wayward spouse's face at the time of discovery. If you say you didn't, then you know you are lying.
> 
> The women couldn't do it because they don't have the physical prowess. And the men couldn't do it because they were afraid of the wife slapping DV chargers.
> 
> ...


Really you can't understand the moral outrage??? Infidelity is based upon morality, and if we didn't have it and societal norms, then this section wouldn't really be an issue or need to exist would it? Read the threads around here and you will see that the pain and outrage lots of times is based mainly in the morality violations that occurred (as people raised in societies that polygamy, adultery, having mistresses, etc are commonplace have more acceptance of infidelity).

Just because some might have thought about it, it is the follow through that matters, and not all people have a penchant for violence so there are several that didn't think about it and aren't lying (as you claim they are) about that fact. Many people can easily turn the other cheek and that doesn't make them any worse or better than the others that can't (but read around here and people will enact morality on the easily forgiving BS and claim they are cuckold, beta, etc due to their nature).

So by your claims of wanting to enact violence on our WS at one point, we are all just as culpable as those that do? I don't agree, as by your comparison, those that "thought" about cheating, stealing, committing whatever crime are just as culpable and awful as those that actually did the act. This is where morality comes into the picture.

Also you bring about prowess and claims that the women is weaker and therefor couldn't do it (not true she still could, as anyone getting hit in the face hurts whether from someone weaker or not and it she could use a weapon if she thinks she is that much weaker and equals the difference) and men don't because of the DV charges. That might be one angle at play, but there is also the morality of not hitting another and not sinking to their level of depravity (yep, good old morality at play again here). We are not just cave people slothing around pounding on each other ay a moments whim, we are an advanced society and don't always believe in an eye for an eye justice.

Maybe you could further inform me, but what I looked up about IPC 498 is relating to dowry law and although it might be rooted in stopping violent reactions of those charged with IPC 498, from what I read it has nothing to do with violence but more India's Dowry law violations (which could fall more under white slavery laws). How this proves a DV violence law (which they do have, just don't seem to enforce much) I am not seeing the connection, and according to data only 15% of the cases are actually prosecuted (meaning 85% get the charges dropped) so this doesn't prove immediate prosecution without retribution (the burden of proof is just placed on the accused, which is lots more the norm in European countries than the US) as you claim. I fail to see the connection here?? Please enlighten me, how IPC 498 makes it acceptable for a stronger sex to enact violence on a weaker sex, which you are applauding.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> There is a post where the op states something about domestic violence charges against him so I don't think it was a joke.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hence the "I may be wrong part" LOL I stand corrected. Thanks for the info.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

betrayedbylove said:


> If the domestic violence i did is concerned the Indian Court takes into account what has led me do that and then only takes action. Here in my case it is clear cut that i was betrayed and my mental state was disturbed. Hence she cant press charges against me for her wrong doings and if she files any complaint against me to harass me then i will expose her adultery and get her arrested for cheating on me under criminal breach of trust and cheating law under Indian Penal Court.
> 
> Anyways i don't wish to take revenge on her. I just wanted to clearly end my relation with her. I hit her out of anger when she denied her cheating whereas i had evidence of her cheating on me and now i had filed for divorce. I don't love her anymore and in future don't wanna see her face ever again.



Here is the post (#21) that he says he hit her and refers to the DV. I missed the part of hitting her and only saw the DV part originally (and didn't know what happened to be DV), but after looking back I see it there now that he admits hitting her.

That is why I didn't take it as a joke was meant there.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Yes but it all in relation to the Dowry law so that has to be a part of this. It is not just the DV but that which results from the Dowry demand or issues surrounding it. Without the Dowry this law doesn't apply as everything I read has that stipulation as a precursor to this violation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

iwontliedown said:


> *I won't even reply to that.* Because that would be way off topic. But I will tell you this. I am in England due to contractual limitations (till Dec 31, 2015) and I came here as part of the company program. I am not a immigrant leech which I think you assume me to be. I have no intention to settle here. As soon as contract ends, its bye bye


You just did.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> If that's what makes you proud to be Indian I suggest you go back there. Whilst I can understand why OP reacted the way he did, there's no way I can condone violence against women.
> 
> Your attitude doesn't belong in Britain or the twenty-first century.


Azteca, I can deliver hundreds of examples in Glasgow, Newcastle, Liverpool, Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff, Belfast and even London where our native Brits have knocked the crap out of their wives for much less! (How I know might give you a clue as to part of what I do for a living). And the excessive drinking doesn't help (but its not always when they are drunk) - we have the worst drinking record in Europe. So lets not be too harsh on our Indian friend.

However, what I do agree with is that there is never justification for hitting a woman. Or for that sort of violence in general.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> Azteca, I can deliver hundreds of examples in Glasgow, Newcastle, Liverpool, Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff, Belfast and even London where our native Brits have knocked the crap out of their wives for much less!


How may of them think that domestic violence is a reason to be proud to be British? That's what I have an issue with. Though I shouldn't be surprised by his attitude coming as he does from a country with high female infanticide, honour killings and tribal councils who punish the victims of rape by having them gang raped. He can add those to his pronouncements of why he's "Proud to be Indian", the weapon.


> However, what I do agree with is that there is never justification for hitting a woman. Or for that sort of violence in general.


As it should be in the civilised world.



iwontliedown said:


> I won't even reply to that. Because that would be way off topic. But I will tell you this. I am in England due to contractual limitations (till Dec 31, 2015) and I came here as part of the company program. I am not a immigrant leech which I think you assume me to be.


That makes you, to use your own term, a leech. I don't have problem with immigrants.


> I have no intention to settle here. As soon as contract ends, its bye bye


Good. You won't be missed. And sticking a smilie at the end of your posts doesn't make you opinions any less odious.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Why do posters take these threads and stray so far off topic. OP comes here for help and his whole culture is criticized and he is insulted. We aren't here to judge, we are here to help.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ButtPunch said:


> Why do posters take these threads and stray so far off topic. OP comes here for help and his whole culture is criticized and he is insulted. We aren't here to judge, we are here to help.


Well, he should have known what a comment about marital violence and his culture would do.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Funny, we almost never get any Middle East BH's on here.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

adriana said:


> Indian men are savages.... simply savages!


If an American woman posted a thread about cheating in her marriage, would that make all American women harlots?

Toward the topic, the whole thing mostly illustrates the huge differences in cultures, and the impact that can result.

In the west, violence is a bigger taboo that adultery. In India, the opposite may be true. This may be hard to follow, but is it possible for a person to believe, due to their culture, that infidelity is a pain far more severe that violence? I condone neither, but am trying to see things from OP's perspective. For OP, he may think we're crazy, as her behavior is so much more far reaching and premeditated.

For instance, I would prefer another person to strike me, than for them to steal from me. I would rather my wife hit me, curse me, etc than to cheat. For the OP, infidelity is the wound that will not heal.

Don't feel I'm justifying hitting women, I'm not. Its just that the entire world does not live under the same teachings and traditions as the west. Is violence always wrong? Yes; so is lying, or a host of other acts that westerners allow to pass every day. Not so every where else.


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## mr.bunbury (Oct 20, 2014)

betrayedbylove said:


> Sorry for long post but i need advice friends plz as my life is hell now.
> 
> I am an engineer who married the love of my life 1.5 years ago.


She's not the love of your life, let that sink in and start looking elsewhere.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> If that's what makes you proud to be Indian I suggest you go back there. Whilst I can understand why OP reacted the way he did, there's no way I can condone violence against women.
> 
> Your attitude doesn't belong in Britain or the twenty-first century.


See, I think the detail here is that i don't see is as an act of violence per se, but like a reaction, he slapped her in front of her parents in the heat of the moment while she keep denying the infidelity even with the evidence at hand, obviously it was not a beating were her health was in danger.

was the right thing to do "of course not", the act the itself transform the user in to a monster "of course not", I prefer thousand times to be slapped repeatedly that to be cheated by the woman I love.

I have seen that exact situation many times but in reverse roles, GFs trying to beat the crap of their BFs when they learn they were cheated, and nobody says anything because after all "he deserves it" (popular mentality not mine).

Just saying that the user was not a monster just some one with and emotional reaction (not the proper one), but that did not escalated to something to be judged as a monster for all of us.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

iwontliedown;
Its just that the cheating wife of this OP was simply ashamed because of her action. So she couldn't file under section 498. She knew she had it coming. Truth always wins.[/QUOTE said:


> If only that were the case I'm not quite that naive .
> 
> 55


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

manticore said:


> See, I think the detail here is that i don't see is as an act of violence per se, but like a reaction, he slapped her in front of her parents in the heat of the moment while she keep denying the infidelity even with the evidence at hand, obviously it was not a beating were her health was in danger.
> 
> was the right thing to do "of course not", the act the itself transform the user in to a monster "of course not", I prefer thousand times to be slapped repeatedly that to be cheated by the woman I love.
> 
> ...


I agree. I think the issue here is not in the OP and his reaction, but in the other poster and his bravado and cheering for the OP's reaction. That is I believe where the problems arose, as others felt he was wrong for his reactions and I seemed to read it as he was upset that he had done it as well (almost surprised that he had reacted that way), whereas the poster becoming his cheering section was when the issue became mainstream and the judgements started (I never felt that the OP felt he was justified or should be excused for his behavior since it was norm for his culture, but instead was slightly shamed by what he had done).


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

badmemory said:


> No offense to you or your country, but I sure wouldn't want to be married in India if I was a woman.


 Back in the 60s, the US was not as different from India today as you would think in its treatment of woman. One of the top John Wayne movies of all time was a movie titled "McLintock!" which was released in November of 1963. One of the main cover posters for this movie shows a scene where John Wayne spanks his wife (played by Maureen O’Hara). Below is a link to this famous cover poster:

https://www.google.com/search?q=mcl...Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMcLintock!;220;333


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

TRy said:


> Back in the 60s, the US was not as different from India today as you would think in its treatment of woman. One of the top John Wayne movies of all time was a movie titled "McLintock!" which was released in November of 1963. One of the main cover posters for this movie shows a scene where John Wayne spanks his wife (played by Maureen O’Hara). Below is a link to this famous cover poster:
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=mcl...Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMcLintock!;220;333


I'd argue late 70s early 80s was when it really started changing.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ha ha, that speaks volumes about how pathetic you are. It takes a tough person to beat up somebody weaker.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Think what you want. Maybe you are just too cool. Pathetic is insulting others, thinkink it okay to beat up some one weaker than you, and hiding behind the anonymity of the internet to do it. Definitely speaks volumes I agree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I think the comment was in agreement with your post.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I've cleaned up this thread a bit. If this thread keeps going off topic, it's going to be closed. Generalizations about Indians and joking about domestic violence aren't cool.


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## betrayedbylove (Jun 5, 2014)

thanks for all your replies.

I don't know why there is a debate about India's Dowry Law IPC (498A). Yes it was the only most misused law where Courts don't initiate action against Wife for misusing it. But even if you check in the internet also you can see that The "SUPREME COURT OF INDIA" on 2nd July 2014 has amended the Dowry Law saying it is heavily misused by Wifes and made provisions in it saying "No arrest before Investigation". The Apex Court also made provisions to punish the Wifes who file false cases of 498A and also allowed the husband's who were falsely implicated can sue against the Police Official if Cops conduct illegal arrest. Under this law the whole Husband, his Mother,his Sisters etc were thrown into Jail just on a wife's verbal complaint which has been stopped by apex court due to frequent protests here. Now the Misuse is stopped because once Husband is arrested all reconciliation chances ends there itself and Divorce takes place if he proves his innocence thereafter.
I too inquired about it but my Lawyer told me not to worry about that Law as it's misuse is been completely stopped.

As per Indian Divorce Law i will have to wait Six months as the court granted me a reconciliation period and if still no results i will be granted divorce. This happened because Divorce is by Mutual consent if under Adultery law i would have got it the day i filed for Divorce. As I told earlier i don't want to shame her in-front of Society or take Revenge on her. I just want myself to be out of all relationships with her legally and also mentally. Then it's her life she can do what she want.

If the Domestic Violence Law here is concerned she knows if she proceeds further with that I will expose her Adultery in Public. Then I won't give her any considerations. Moreover Court will come to know the real reason of my divorce and won't slap any charges on me as i will prove it was in a heat of that movement. She cannot get me in any Legal trouble for her Wrong doings.

Leave it i don't want any Court battles with her unless she provokes me. Of course i Have the proofs so i will win i know. If I proceed legally i can even land her in Jail for cheating on me and if she files any false case will do that.

The simple question which i would like to ask is "IF THE AFFAIR WAS CONCERNED, I WOULD HAVE ALSO HAD IT BY CHEATING HER. WHO WOULD HAVE STOPPED ME FROM HAVING IT?? NO-ONE." But i do respect My Culture, Marriage and Family Oriented life. Is this what i deserve.?
I Came to know about all this Laws when i fell in Divorce Situation.

I will make it clear that Domestic Violence on Woman is a Crime in India Too. If I would have beat her unnecessarily then i will land in jail but here i have a Valid reason for that And the good thing here is the Court first tries to Recoil the marriage by treating it as a Civil offence first and then a Criminal Offence if found guilty because directly involving Cops will lead to the Breakdown of Marriage immediately. If Husband is found guilty after Investigation then he is thrown into jail but Until last the Court always keep all Doors of Compromise open by involving elders of Family, Councillors also. In my case if she files DV against Me her Cheating part will Come out which is unforgivable here and immediately she will have to face stigma of Legal troubles and Society problems. I don't have any problems to face.
Now our Divorce is happening because i threatened her to expose her adultery if she refuses divorce in Court. Hence we both peacefully agreed for Divorce in Court even though she was Crying i noticed it. Hence Bombay Court agreed but Still a 6 months time period is give to us for reconciliation which is impossible for me. I refuse to have any contact with her.

Moreover in India, it is not so easy to walk out of a marriage even if anyone wants to as the Courts won't allow that to happen without any serious reasons and the spouse who walks out of marriage will land in legal trouble if they refuse to be in that marriage without a valid reason irrespective of wife or husband who tries to dump their spouse. Hence the Divorce rates are less here. None of my colleagues or friends or any known person are Divorced all are happily married and have loving wives only am the only one who will be a divorcee soon.

I just hate to be in a situation like this for my no mistake.
I never thought i would be in situation like this. I have my Parents support too. Hence no question of Getting back. Am just waiting for the time period given by Court to get over by January 2015.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

The debate over IPC 498A was started as another poster used it as defense of DV and stated it related to that. It was then pointed out that it had nothing to do with DV really. The discussion involved the misunderstanding of the law and its applications in real life.


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