# Women sharing important news and information



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have noticed a trend. Certainly can't be every woman on the planet but several I have met fall in this category so for the guys I'm wondering if your Gf or spouse does this and women if you do this why.

Question is why do women share thier personal stuff first with thier mom and friends before thier husbands and boyfriends? It would never occur to me to do that and several women including my x wife who I have been in a relationship with has done it and it seems hard to not take personal at times.

Example my GF has been having some uterus issues. Basically the never ending period for like two months. Finally told her she has got to go to the dr and she did. Soon as she came out she called her mother and then called me. Why? If i was having a penis problem first off I wouldn't be talking to my dad about it. Second my GF would be the first any only call I would make.

Anyone have perspective they can lend? I find this odd and its not the first time I haven't been the first to know something this just happend to directly effect me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maybe her mother had called her during the procedure so she called her back? 

Maybe some women feel more comfortable sharing some information with friends/mothers depending on the subject.

Maybe some feel they may get more support emotionally from a friend/mother depending on the subject. 

Maybe it's a reaction to having shared something with their partner in the past and they were not met with support/advice they sought so they share with friends/mother first. 

Maybe they called you and you didn't answer your phone and someone else did?

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

So many variables.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Wolf - you gave one example that is very female specific, so I'm assuming that this happens other times as well. If it were just related to the period issue, then I would definitely want to speak to a woman first. They can appreciate what I'm going through more.

Generally speaking, women are better listeners and more supportive than men. We do this naturally. If a friend is going through a hard time, I ask her questions and then I listen. If I do give advice, I preface it with saying, "this is what I would do in this situation." 

So, if you want your wife to call you first, then your response will matter hugely.

If she's calling with good news, react with enthusiasm. If she's calling with bad news, tell her "that sucks! I'm here for you. You are strong enough to get through this, " etc. If she is calling to talk through a situation, give her your full attention and help her find her own solution.

Good luck!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Being met with eye-rolling, impatience, anger and/or indifference, when I attempted to share important things with my husband quickly taught me to stop doing that. If I wanted emotional support or to talk things out, I needed to do it with a friend. Basic information-only conversations could then be had with my husband. But not until all the emotion was gone from my delivery. And not even then, if that information had _anything_ to do with my sexual organs or functioning.  If an issue related to my cycle or my female parts, he didn't want to hear anything beyond when the problem would be fixed and sex would again be available. He never even inquired as to the details of my hysterectomy - or why I required one at age 34. 

To be honest, we hear similar things on TAM all the time. Guys complaining that their woman talks too much, seems too needy, they can't stand to listen to her go on and on about whatever her issues are. Many men want their women to "get" that they aren't a girlfriend and can't be expected to listen to her stuff. That's what her girlfriends are for! Guys can't be expected to sit through all that! 

If you want to provide emotional support to your partner and get information first, you may need to let her know that directly. Chances are, she's learned not to do that from experience with other partners, so if you want to be the exception you're going to have to talk to her about it. And then you'll need to actually handle her emotional stuff that's likely to accompany being the "first responder" in this situation in a patient and supportive way. Otherwise, just let her call her mom and wait to get the "just the facts" information report.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Not sure if the order of notice matters as long as you are notified.

But since she is your GF and not a wife, I don't see a problem with her calling her mom first > you. I'm willing to bet she didn't even think about this and just called her mom first by accident/jerk reaction type of deal?

I would have an issue if the information was not provided to me at all (but others).

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Also, it could be that she wanted women's opinion to see if they have any knowledge or tips/help etc. Most women deal with this sort of thing on regular basis.

I think as your relationship develops and grows, you will get that #1 spot and become her priority. This takes time IMO.

Nothing to worry about here.


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Tough one Wolf1974,

Here is my shot at it depends on issue some times I need to like run it past my Mum or Sis or friends before I can get perspective on it. H is great and I don’t have any communication problems with but in some ways I don’t want to be a gibbering wreck when I talk to him. Also I know his concern is genuine and deep so I don’t want to worry him or make him over think. Got a friend that her H is the most analytical, cool thinker I have ever met so she tends to go to him first. So I see it as a lot of conditioning and dynamics of individual relationships and support net works.

I am not casting any shadow on your relationship or supports for your GF please understand. And I think the world of my husband and he truly is my best friend but hey I have been telling my Mum and Sister things for 20+ years before I ever met him and they never let me down. So also I think it is very issue specific some things would be straight to husband.

Example you gave is a classic straight to mum I probably have talked to her about it excuse me “girls things” she was the one that would have helped her through first of those so odds are she would have chatted with her and she probably knew exactly when she was going for appointment. Another factor to consider is well some thing like that to me my Mother is Widow and is cough not as young as she was and she will fret for all her kids and would have text and call every hour on the hour till she found out how I was. So H can wait 5mins till I reassure her and calm her he is a big strong boy he can wait so talk to my Mum first who would not wait and get in a whirl.

So if I stop rambling it’s all place, issue, people that know specific to me is my best explanation. So think you’re painting with respect with a broad brush there sure there would be some issues you would contact your family first with a quick call to say ok, fine and 10 minute chat before next one GF.

Warned you best shot I got no big deal just be happy you were supportive and kind to GF she will remember.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

My wife does that too. She uses her gay uncle. I have sort of figured out that one though. He’s a drama queen and a “yes man”. So he gives her the responses she expects and wants.. “OMG! Are you ok?” and goes on and on theorizing what the issues might be in the worst case scenario with all that ‘poor poor you’ stuff.

Being the husband and seeing her habits and so forth I’ve essentially got too much information. I don’t really think too much of her woes are ‘bad luck’ as much as brought upon herself. She doesn’t want to hear that it might be her own fault, so she uses someone without all that information. Brain aneurism, sleep apnea, etc. versus eye strain from sitting at a computer 10 hours a day trying to focus because you refuse to get bifocals, while you only got 4 hours of sleep, skipped breakfast and lunch, and just snacked on the kid’s poptarts, ding-dongs, and sunflower seeds and wash it down with starbucks and diet coke… Naw… Couldn’t be that and I’m an arse for saying it. So she talks to her uncle… and she’s probably going to die if she doesn’t get to the ER and have a battery of tests done. Then they go on about how I don’t care that she might be dying and am so emotional detached… I just roll my eyes.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I totally agree that for many of us it is a learned behavior.
I had difficulties with my second pregnancy, serious enough that I had to go to two different specialists-and my ex never accompanied me. So when he got home he would ask "how'd it go" while he walked into the family room and tuned me out. All he wanted to hear was "fine" so he didn't have to deal with it. You learn not to try to engage because the reaction to their indifference is too painful. (By the way my DD turned out just fine-the problems were all from my body)

I understand that not all men behave that way, but that's what I experienced.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Rowan said:


> If you want to provide emotional support to your partner and get information first, you may need to let her know that directly. Chances are, she's learned not to do that from experience with other partners, so if you want to be the exception you're going to have to talk to her about it. And then you'll need to actually handle her emotional stuff that's likely to accompany being the "first responder" in this situation in a patient and supportive way. Otherwise, just let her call her mom and wait to get the "just the facts" information report.


:iagree:

If I am having female issues, I will most certainly call my mom or sister first to talk it out (maybe even cry it out). I need someone with the same body parts as me empathizing with me.  My husband is the type that just wants the facts. So I need to get my emotions out first so I can give him the facts. If I give him the emotions first & he doesn't respond in the way I need him to, that will piss me off & hurt my feelings too. So I save myself the aggrivation & give him the facts & give my sister or my mom the emotions.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Racer said:


> My wife does that too. She uses her gay uncle. I have sort of figured out that one though. He’s a drama queen and a “yes man”. So he gives her the responses she expects and wants.. “OMG! Are you ok?” and goes on and on theorizing what the issues might be in the worst case scenario with all that ‘poor poor you’ stuff.
> 
> Being the husband and seeing her habits and so forth I’ve essentially got too much information. I don’t really think too much of her woes are ‘bad luck’ as much as brought upon herself. She doesn’t want to hear that it might be her own fault, so she uses someone without all that information. Brain aneurism, sleep apnea, etc. versus eye strain from sitting at a computer 10 hours a day trying to focus because you refuse to get bifocals, while you only got 4 hours of sleep, skipped breakfast and lunch, and just snacked on the kid’s poptarts, ding-dongs, and sunflower seeds and wash it down with starbucks and diet coke… Naw… Couldn’t be that and I’m an arse for saying it. So she talks to her uncle… and she’s probably going to die if she doesn’t get to the ER and have a battery of tests done. Then they go on about how I don’t care that she might be dying and am so emotional detached… I just roll my eyes.


If I had a gay uncle, I'd totally call him first!


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Pluto2 said:


> I totally agree that for many of us it is a learned behavior.
> I had difficulties with my second pregnancy, serious enough that I had to go to two different specialists-and my ex never accompanied me. So when he got home he would ask "how'd it go" while he walked into the family room and tuned me out. All he wanted to hear was "fine" so he didn't have to deal with it. You learn not to try to engage because the reaction to their indifference is too painful. (By the way my DD turned out just fine-the problems were all from my body)
> 
> I understand that not all men behave that way, but that's what I experienced.


No wonder he's an ex!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Oh, and it’s not gender specific either. If I do something pretty f’n awesome I’m proud of that is ‘boyish’, I talk to the boys to get the reaction I want. Ditto with work; I’ll use co-workers or peers who understand the business. Basically, they’ll go to the person who gives them back the emotional response they are craving. As a spouse, you simply know too much about them and can sort of kill it. That promotion you think more along the lines of “about f’n time” because you know them so well and what they go through… So you aren’t going to bounce up and down and squeal at their victory like the girls would who’ve only heard tidbits about work.

I don’t think any of its bad. People just need to be aware and not get offended you aren’t the ‘goto’ for that sort of thing. And those who do this also need to be aware why they do it so it doesn’t just become something ‘negative’ about their spouse so they stop sharing this stuff because ‘they don’t care’… it’s really just because you want the bouncing and your husband doesn’t do that. It’s not that your wife isn’t proud of how much you know, it’s that she has no f’n clue how hard it is to overclock that cpu that much and keep it stable… but your boys know and brag about it too.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I'm a woman and married ongoing for 35 years. I don't speak to my mother nor my sister regarding much of my problems. I speak to my husband first. He is a private person just like me. My late mother and my sister would tell relatives and their friends. I've learned early on who to lean on when I have problems and keeping information confidential.

In your case, it's your girlfriend and not a long time wife. This could make a difference in her decisions. Every woman is different. She makes her decisions based on her experiences with individuals.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Rowan said:


> Being met with eye-rolling, impatience, anger and/or indifference, when I attempted to share important things with my husband quickly taught me to stop doing that. .


Ugh. I'm gonna start dating women.




Oh, but they talk too much.





Rowan said:


> Guys complaining that their woman talks too much, seems too needy, they can't stand to listen to her go on and on about whatever her issues are.


That "needy" thing kills me - it's not "needy" to want emotional support/presence from your partner. Annoying.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wolf,

I understand this well and was always trying to learn how to listen better. The one thing that I don't think I ever tried and wish I would have is to do the same thing to her. I mean, why wouldn't she understand if I took problems to a close friend first and then told her later, what I felt she needed or could handle knowing? How do you think she would react?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> Wolf,
> 
> I understand this well and was always trying to learn how to listen better. The one thing that I don't think I ever tried and wish I would have is to do the same thing to her. I mean, why wouldn't she understand if I took problems to a close friend first and then told her later, what I felt she needed or could handle knowing? How do you think she would react?



I honestly don't know how would react. The concept is so foriegn to me it would be though to do. I'm
A private person and would only share private stuff with someone like her. I know I'm a good communicator and nothing but supportive. I think others are right and she has had bad example on the past of what couple should be like. Unfortunately this is affecting us as I look at our relationship as potential long term future and this would be a deal breaker. I will talk to her tonight and she if I can gain some
Understanding why she does this. My x was like this and not in a good way. Guess we all have issues with our pasts. Can't be second runner up anymore or in my case I was 8th runner up lol


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My wife is going through the same. Long heavy periods. Talked to her cousin about it. I just got bits and pieces. Finally I asked she go see her Gyno. Founds cysts and apparently endometriosis. Surgery performed on the cyst. Anyway, she now talks to me about it first. She also said she feels much better that she can talk to me about it. Feels very supported.

Anyway, I think women feel better speaking to other women about physical problems women have.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I honestly don't know how would react. The concept is so foriegn to me it would be though to do. I'm
> A private person and would only share private stuff with someone like her. I know I'm a good communicator and nothing but supportive. I think others are right and she has had bad example on the past of what couple should be like. Unfortunately this is affecting us as I look at our relationship as potential long term future and this would be a deal breaker. I will talk to her tonight and she if I can gain some
> Understanding why she does this. My x was like this and not in a good way. Guess we all have issues with our pasts. Can't be second runner up anymore or in my case I was 8th runner up lol


I think you are making a mistake with this Wolf.

Keep in mind this is a very private and extremely embarrassing issue for most women. Heck, she might have been cringing inside when you even told her to go see a doctor.

I think it's safe to assume above.

I would def talk to her and tell her that you don't feel like her priority to her if she goes off and talks about this stuff with other people. But in this case it was only her mom correct?

Again, I don't see a big deal. Especially since she is your GF.

How long has this relationship been so far?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> I honestly don't know how would react. The concept is so foriegn to me it would be though to do. I'm
> A private person and would only share private stuff with someone like her. I know I'm a good communicator and nothing but supportive. I think others are right and she has had bad example on the past of what couple should be like. Unfortunately this is affecting us as I look at our relationship as potential long term future and this would be a deal breaker. I will talk to her tonight and she if I can gain some
> Understanding why she does this. My x was like this and not in a good way. Guess we all have issues with our pasts. Can't be second runner up anymore or in my case I was 8th runner up lol


Honestly, I have not known one woman, whether wife, girlfriend, friend or acquaintance, that has not done the very same thing in their lives. The only difference was in the amount that was shared with me, and when. I'm telling you what I've found. The better I was at listening and just hearing their words and validating and asking what they were going to do, or asking them to let me know if they wanted to talk more and tell me what they decided, the more and the earlier I found out. Hope that makes some sense.

In the end, there are variations due to personality and past experience, but in the very basics, they were all the same.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I honestly don't know how would react. The concept is so foriegn to me it would be though to do. I'm
> A private person and would only share private stuff with someone like her. I know I'm a good communicator and nothing but supportive. I think others are right and she has had bad example on the past of what couple should be like. Unfortunately this is affecting us as I look at our relationship as potential long term future and this would be a deal breaker. I will talk to her tonight and she if I can gain some
> Understanding why she does this. My x was like this and not in a good way. Guess we all have issues with our pasts. Can't be second runner up anymore or in my case I was 8th runner up lol


I think you are over analyzing. I can honestly see why my W would go to her cousin(female)(my W mom has passed away if you are wondering) first with female related issues. After that she approached her good female friends about the female issues. I again, had bits and pieces. I have no issue with this. If I have a male related issue I will ask another male. I will then talk to my W about it. Just the nature of the beast in this department of male and female physical issues.

Anyway, at the end of the surgery, etc. I'm completely in the know. She is happy she can speak to me about some reoccurring issues since the surgery.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> I have noticed a trend. Certainly can't be every woman on the planet but several I have met fall in this category so for the guys I'm wondering if your Gf or spouse does this and women if you do this why.
> 
> Question is why do women share thier personal stuff first with thier mom and friends before thier husbands and boyfriends? It would never occur to me to do that and several women including my x wife who I have been in a relationship with has done it and it seems hard to not take personal at times.
> 
> ...


Because in most cases I think the mothers know their kids more than anybody on Earth. And their kids know this, so mom is contacted first. Nobody can ever take the place of a mother. 

And in many cases the friends have known her longer than she's known or been with you. I have friends from grade school. 

Most women I think have the feeling that their male counter-parts don't want to hear about their uterus. If it is a female problem, we veer toward females and compare notes, so to speak.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I have noticed a trend. Certainly can't be every woman on the planet but several I have met fall in this category so for the guys I'm wondering if your Gf or spouse does this and women if you do this why.
> 
> Question is why do women share thier personal stuff first with thier mom and friends before thier husbands and boyfriends? It would never occur to me to do that and several women including my x wife who I have been in a relationship with has done it and it seems hard to not take personal at times.
> 
> ...


I don't do that but it may be that some women just feel more comfortable with other women about some things. The only time I felt like I should make a real effort to talk with my husband first about something was the pregnancy of our first child. Other than that, I wouldn't think I have to tell my husband first about anything really. I just generally end up telling him things first. I can understand about the uterus issue. She wanted to talk with another woman and her mom is probably her closest friend.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

No it was her mom and her dad. And I get that it's embarassing. And its
Not that she didn't tell me just went Out of her way not to tell me first thats so odd. We have been together
Almost 2 years so I don't get the she is only a GF thing. If she is like this now it wouldn't change after marriage and I certainly wouldn't marry someone who doesn't think I should be the first to know about health issues . I mean I was really concerned !

I have no doubt hearing some ladies here that this is just an oversight and possibly done cause of her past. No malice was meant so I need to just
Point it out I think


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> No it was her mom and her dad. And I get that it's embarassing. And its
> Not that she didn't tell me just went Out of her way not to tell me first thats so odd. We have been together
> Almost 2 years so I don't get the she is only a GF thing. If she is like this now it wouldn't change after marriage and I certainly wouldn't marry someone who doesn't think I should be the first to know about health issues . I mean I was really concerned !
> 
> ...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> No it was her mom and her dad. And I get that it's embarassing. And its
> Not that she didn't tell me just went Out of her way not to tell me first thats so odd. We have been together
> Almost 2 years so I don't get the she is only a GF thing. If she is like this now it wouldn't change after marriage and I certainly wouldn't marry someone who doesn't think I should be the first to know about health issues . I mean I was really concerned !
> 
> ...


It doesn't change much, in my experience, and that's the thing that helps you make a decision. How much do you want to know and how well do you understand each others needs and are willing to meet them. That's the thing. 

I knew you were just concerned for her. If you care about someone, you want to know and be a part of helping. You want to try to fix whatever you can so she isn't hurting as much or heals faster, or whatever. They don't want you to, so you have to find a happy compromise and a compatible personality.


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Warned you Wolf this is not an easy one to answer in any way thus the tone of my first post. And emphasised how you can’t paint with a big brush, you said you helped her get to Dr and I applaude you for that. But this time round it was a girl problem so she used her Mum. Hands up I would and I have been married to same guy for 8 years and dated for 3 it’s no slight on him in any way. Now, god willing in a year or so we want to start a family YOU bet he will be first person to see result and want him to hold my hand to come for test and results, I will leap out bathroom and toss him a home kit if he don’t even do it for me.

So please get some perspective on this you were obviousle upset enough to post it here so true and genuine please help me understand where your coming from. Your GF had an appointment at health care and she made a quick phone call to family before you? For a fairly minor complaint that happens, so please work with me here I want to understand and you say GF.

Do you live together?
How much do you both have invested in this relationship?

Way your coming across I can’t figure it out this was an example you gave is this a long running theme where you feel she shuts you out her life?

I am trying hard not to judge but if that is all there is you have a hair trigger and some strange ideas about loyalty as a partnership her obligations to others don’t stop being with you. Please don’t take that harsh with deepest respect or any other posters comments we are only going on what you have put up. So please don’t decide this means some thing. Being with someone is this  not that for no good reason :scratchhead:

Please come back and make it clear and you will ge lots of support.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> I honestly don't know how would react. The concept is so foriegn to me it would be though to do. I'm
> A private person and would only share private stuff with someone like her. I know I'm a good communicator and nothing but supportive. I think others are right and she has had bad example on the past of what couple should be like. Unfortunately this is affecting us as I look at our relationship as potential long term future and this would be a deal breaker. I will talk to her tonight and she if I can gain some
> Understanding why she does this. My x was like this and not in a good way. Guess we all have issues with our pasts. Can't be second runner up anymore or in my case I was 8th runner up lol


You are asking for a shift in her support system from family and friends to you. That's a big ask and indicates a very serious relationship. If she feels the same way, then she might be ok with this shift. I would only be ok with it if I thought we were essentially married already. Otherwise, boyfriends come and boyfriends go, but family (including close friends) is forever and who I will share my life with.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Lila said:


> 2ntnuf said it best in his post.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


And, I think, and correct me where I'm wrong, the better he does, the easier it will be for him to get info he needs to feel she is alright and safe. 

Buttt, if you do this and she still is not sharing enough for you, you need to think about compatibility and what you can live with, or rather if you can live with what she will provide. All you have to do is the best you can.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> It doesn't change much, in my experience, and that's the thing that helps you make a decision. How much do you want to know and how well do you understand each others needs and are willing to meet them. That's the thing.
> 
> I knew you were just concerned for her. If you care about someone, you want to know and be a part of helping. You want to try to fix whatever you can so she isn't hurting as much or heals faster, or whatever. They don't want you to, so you have to find a happy compromise and a compatible personality.


Was never interested in fixing her, not a Dr. Just wanting to be informed is all


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> You are asking for a shift in her support system from family and friends to you. That's a big ask and indicates a very serious relationship. If she feels the same way, then she might be ok with this shift. I would only be ok with it if I thought we were essentially married already. Otherwise, boyfriends come and boyfriends go, but family (including close friends) is forever and who I will share my life with.


Hence my point. We are together two years, live together, raise kids together. It's time to either move forward or not. I wouldn't marry someone without this being on track becuase I don't believe things like communication issues improve much after marriage. They generally deteriorate if anything. 

Boyfriends come and go perhaps. So do wives so I want to make sure we are on the same page about priority


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Best way to clear a room of men is to start talking about childbirth or periods. They run for the hills. 

I rarely if ever share or ask opinions about female health from any men unless they are an obgyn. They can't sympathise or offer any past experiences to help.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Ok so update. Thanks for those who shared helpful advice and not judging. It was appreciated and helped me.

So I went to surprise her at lunch and took her out. I told her what my concern was and her response was as expected. No malice or intent. She went to the appointment at 10:30. I knew this and around 11 I got a text and it simply said lots of information we can talk about it later. That was pretty much it. After this she called her mom on her lunch break and spoke to her.

After work she drove to her mom and dads place to pick up her son before coming home. She talked with them about 45 minutes on everything that happend. She then came home and kinda gave me the readers digest version of things.

So the clear question was why didn't you call me yesterday. Apparently she was under an impression, misguided, that I was too busy at work to take phone calls. Not sure why she thought that but she did. She indicated that her mom and her were close and she felt she needed to talk out loud all the information she received with someone and because of her preception I couldn't talk she called her mom. That's it and I believe her. Now this isn't the only time something like this has happened and I pointed that out and she acknowledged she needed to work on it and apologized.

We have both talked at great length about our expectations in realtionships to include commincation and she does acknowledge some bitterness about her x not caring about her when she voiced concerns so it became a habit to call her mom about things first. 

So there you go for now speed bump driven over lol


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> Best way to clear a room of men is to start talking about childbirth or periods. They run for the hills.
> 
> I rarely if ever share or ask opinions about female health from any men unless they are an obgyn. They can't sympathise or offer any past experiences to help.


Gross over generalization. I don't. Nothing difficult about talking about natural biological processes 

One exception is I don't want to know about this stuff from my daughters lol. I prefer to pretend this will be little girls for ever. It's my little island of denial :rofl:


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Wolf I don’t mean this to spook you in any way or belittle you but your own words 


Wolf1974 said:


> Unfortunately this is affecting us as I look at our relationship as potential long term future and this would be a deal breaker


 your own words in post 17 that is an upset person over thinking.

Post 24


Wolf1974 said:


> I have no doubt hearing some ladies here that this is just an oversight and possibly done cause of her past. No malice was meant so I need to just
> Point it out I think


Hey that is who I want to have dinner with I will have 24 for dinner, so please girls did not jump on you for no reason on here. Hey is TAM not great you got a great dinner date all calm she could be the one is she pretty Wolf?, do you get on well we want to know come and tell us how dinner went when your all calm.:smthumbup:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

BucksBunny said:


> Wolf I don’t mean this to spook you in any way or belittle you but your own words
> your own words in post 17 that is an upset person over thinking.
> 
> *
> ...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Was never interested in fixing her, not a Dr. Just wanting to be informed is all


Hmm. I may misunderstand the term, "fix", then.

When a woman says she doesn't want a man to fix something or her,
I thought it just meant she wanted to be trusted to do it on her own without a man calling the doctor or telling her how to handle some situation, unless she specifically asks for that. Maybe I'm wrong? 

I never thought it was trying to diagnose an illness or writing a prescription. Maybe looking up meds to see what they do or their side effects and then taking that info to the doc in a question, once asked to do that.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I tell my partner pretty much everything first, he is my "go to" man. If I was in the situation you described Wolf then yes he would have been the first person to talk to, no matter what the subject he is the first person that I want to talk to. 

Having said that it seems that she did contact you first with the txt but thinking that there was no time for complete discussion. I would take that as a good thing, you were on her mind but she was being appropriate and not taking up your work time. All seems good.

I totally get the wanting to be the #1 person. It is so important to me also due to my past marriage where communication was very poor.

Open, honest communication, lots of loving, empathy and hugs all go to help build a strong bond. If she feels safe with you, safe to discuss issues with you then it is all good.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If I'm having issues having to do with my uterus, I don't find it all that helpful to talk to someone who doesn't have one, if I want support, guidance, or advice.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> Hmm. I may misunderstand the term, "fix", then.
> 
> When a woman says she doesn't want a man to fix something or her,
> I thought it just meant she wanted to be trusted to do it on her own without a man calling the doctor or telling her how to handle some situation, unless she specifically asks for that. Maybe I'm wrong?
> ...


Well the situation of non stop period for months yes that had to be fixed / looked into. Knowing that wasn't normal for her I was concerned. So was she but understandably going to the dr to face some disheartening news can be hard no matter who you are. So I encouraged her to call and she did. She found out in the end this is minor issue, at least for now, and no talk of the uterus being removed thankfully.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> If I'm having issues having to do with my uterus, I don't find it all that helpful to talk to someone who doesn't have one, if I want support, guidance, or advice.


So you then don't communicate with your husband about anything medical related involving a uterus problem .... Lovely for you I guess I wouldn't have a relationship like that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Holland said:


> I tell my partner pretty much everything first, he is my "go to" man. If I was in the situation you described Wolf then yes he would have been the first person to talk to, no matter what the subject he is the first person that I want to talk to.
> 
> Having said that it seems that she did contact you first with the txt but thinking that there was no time for complete discussion. I would take that as a good thing, you were on her mind but she was being appropriate and not taking up your work time. All seems good.
> 
> ...


Thank you I'm glad someone gets it. And it was all over a misunderstanding cause she really didn't think I could take calls at work. 

She was cute and called me twice today so far lol


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> If I'm having issues having to do with my uterus, I don't find it all that helpful to talk to someone who doesn't have one, if I want support, guidance, or advice.


Sorry to hear of you troubles FW.

Maybe I am odd (as usual on this forum, oh well) but I do talk to my partner about everything including female health issues. Just as he talks to me about his health. He went through a prostate scare about 2 years ago, I would have been really hurt if he didn't discuss it with me.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Well the situation of non stop period for months yes that had to be fixed / looked into. Knowing that wasn't normal for her I was concerned. So was she but understandably going to the dr to face some disheartening news can be hard no matter who you are. So I encouraged her to call and she did. She found out in the end this is minor issue, at least for now, and no talk of the uterus being removed thankfully.


I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and sawed.

No, it makes more sense when that is known. This is a serious matter and depending on level of commitment, she would not be expected to reveal all of that, just what affects the relationship with you. So, I understand her actions. I understand with the potential severity and how close you feel to her, why you wanted to know the details and be kept in the circle. She's going to need a greater commitment from you. Hey, good luck. Do some communication exercises to get to know her better and build trust. I bet there are some good ones that can be suggested. This is not as big a deal as you think. It's just a misunderstanding.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and sawed.
> 
> No, it makes more sense when that is known. This is a serious matter and depending on level of commitment, she would not be expected to reveal all of that, just what affects the relationship with you. So, I understand her actions. I understand with the potential severity and how close you feel to her, why you wanted to know the details and be kept in the circle. She's going to need a greater commitment from you. Hey, good luck. Do some communication exercises to get to know her better and build trust. I bet there are some good ones that can be suggested. This is not as big a deal as you think. It's just a misunderstanding.


I agreed it was a misunderstanding. And I think we have great and solid communiction as was demonstrated today. I had a concern, I brought it up, we talked about it, listened to what each other had to say, came to a resolution and both walked away felling better. I don't think it gets much better than that. 

Of all the things she is her emotional Marturity is the best part of it. If I couldn't talk to her about everything I wouldn't bother talking to her about anything


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Goody doggy (no slur intended Wolf =dog English humour) thank you so much for coming back and saying how you resolved it with good communication. And even setting a good example to others to not make a snap judgment and work through an idea.

Thank you Wolf.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> So I went to surprise her at lunch and took her out. I told her what my concern was and her response was as expected. No malice or intent. She went to the appointment at 10:30. I knew this and around 11 I got a text and it simply said lots of information we can talk about it later. That was pretty much it. After this she called her mom on her lunch break and spoke to her.
> 
> After work she drove to her mom and dads place to pick up her son before coming home. She talked with them about 45 minutes on everything that happend. She then came home and kinda gave me the readers digest version of things.
> 
> ...


Great update  I thought it would be something like this, and am glad you worked it out and are feeling better :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Holland said**: I tell my partner pretty much everything first, he is my "go to" man*. If I was in the situation you described Wolf then yes he would have been the first person to talk to, no matter what the subject he is the first person that I want to talk to.
> 
> Having said that it seems that she did contact you first with the txt but thinking that there was no time for complete discussion. I would take that as a good thing, you were on her mind but she was being appropriate and not taking up your work time. All seems good.
> 
> ...


This is me too... for as long as we've been together.. since dirt.... he hears every significant thing about me pretty much before anyone else or as soon as we'd see each other....I've never been one to take everything to my friends...(it depends) and I hardly talk to my Mother at all.. 

I think I am as much of a FIXER as many men are... I like to get the ball rolling, do research, apologize, make the Doctor appointment, whatever.. DO what needs done to overcome personal dilemmas, scares, getting along with someone...I'm sure this helps his listening to me - from my end.. 

We figure it out together, bounce things off of each other.. always that feeling of support & care on both sides...my H is as wonderful as any girlfriend in this area, even better.. and that doesn't mean he is too feminine, or lacking in his masculinity (I've heard things like this suggested if a man is a good listener ).... He's just a caring Husband.. 

If I learned of something really terrifying like I had Cancer... I might call a friend and discuss how I dread telling him or something.. but he'd know immediately something was wrong with me...I just can't hide how I am feeling... talking to him about anything.. somehow just always makes it better...


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I think because you are dating and not married, that could have had a large impact.

While dating, I had a health scare and went to my mom first before telling my husband(boyfriend at the time). I felt more comfortable talking to her about the issue since we were not married yet and didn't feel as secure with him without that commitment. After we got married, my husband became my first go-to person. I tell him everything and we discuss it. Any time something happens, good or bad, I want him to be the first to know. It is the same for him, as he tells me everything.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> I think because you are dating and not married, that could have had a large impact.
> 
> While dating, I had a health scare and went to my mom first before telling my husband(boyfriend at the time). I felt more comfortable talking to her about the issue since we were not married yet and didn't feel as secure with him without that commitment. After we got married, my husband became my first go-to person. I tell him everything and we discuss it. Any time something happens, good or bad, I want him to be the first to know. It is the same for him, as he tells me everything.


That would be totally counter productive to getting me to pop the question as I view us living together as an example of what marriage would be like. Glad she doesn't feel that way


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I too am a hubby's girl  He's always the first person I think of, when something happens - good or bad, he's the one I want to share with first.

Like SA above, I think I might be the same if I had bad news re my health - I might talk to someone about how I would break it to him...I can imagine me doing that.

When I'm upset or worried, I find his presence incredibly comforting. Like a warm blanket. Even if he can't actually do anything, just his being with me makes me feel better.


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