# Men vs Women PA vs EA



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Study by Chapman University, California, found 54 per cent of heterosexual men were more likely to be more hurt by sexual infidelity 

But 65 per cent of women would be more hurt if their partner fell in love 

*Experts claim this is because of evolutionary differences where men fear they may not be the father of their partner's baby *

:iagree::iagree:

Read more: Men fear sexual affairs but women are more upset if their partner falls in love with someone else | Daily Mail Online


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Unfortunately these "studies" are accompanied by "weasel clauses" such as "of course this is only preliminary and more studies have to be carried out - research speak for "give us more grant money" - before any definitive answers can be reached." For this reason, I tend to trust them like a do any politician during election time, not much at all.

The truth is that BOTH men and women are devastated when they find that their spouses have had extra-marital sex. Go to other forums and you will see the pain and hurt that wives go through when they've discovered that their husbands have been sleeping with other women.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I don't know which hurts the most. The fact that my H had sex with the OW or that he told me he Loved her. They're both pretty devastating, But I tend to think about the sex thing more than anything..


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I completely buy this age-old theories, because they make sense. Its a smoke/fire thing. As a man, its another man putting his hands on my wife that sends me into orbit.

Whatever was said between them (to me) is pure two-bit cheater malarkey.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

chaos said:


> The truth is that BOTH men and women are devastated when they find that their spouses have had extra-marital sex. Go to other forums and you will see the pain and hurt that wives go through when they've discovered that their husbands have been sleeping with other women.


:iagree:

I agree but that’s not the point. As a group men are more bothered by a PA and as a group woman are more bothered by an EA. 

*Example:

As a group men are taller than women.

But I know some very tall woman and some very short men.

That might be true but the original statement stands: As a group men are taller than women.*

There is a biological basis for the PA EA difference. Men who didn’t care if they were raising another man’s kid didn’t pass their genes on as much. Women who didn’t care if their man ran off with another woman had their kids starve more often.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In my opinion, an unfaithful man is likely greater to use a secondary relationship to immediately get to the goods, with little to no connection with her, i.e. "Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am!" Then he goes home and more often than not, plays "oilfield," and usually lays a little pipe there!

Conversely, and other than for a ONS, an unfaithful woman will almost always try to emotionally connect with her affair partner before spreading her legs. But if she's successfully connected emotionally to her AP, then the chances of her bedding her spouse would rest somewhere between "slim and none," and "Slim" left the bedroom quite a while ago!*


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

It sucks either way, it is a bond that is broken, nothing more or less. I can't say I'd rather have been cheated on in a PA but I know damn well that surviving an EA on the losing side was pure hell. Remember, a PA can be somewhat dissuaded by physical intervention and documentation of ones whereabouts. An EA can be in full force right in front of you, and worse, even during sex. This round the clock intrusion is beyond damaging. 

But like Coke and Pepsi it all boils down to preference. I would have preferred a punch to the face and a kick in the balls as she left our so called unhappy marriage. Now, I will always be convinced she left due to attention from other men, the doubt of her true dissatisfaction will always remain. 

At least my hand can't break my heart.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

IIJokerII said:


> It sucks either way, it is a bond that is broken, nothing more or less. I can't say I'd rather have been cheated on in a PA but I know damn well that surviving an EA on the losing side was pure hell. Remember, a PA can be somewhat dissuaded by physical intervention and documentation of ones whereabouts. An EA can be in full force right in front of you, and worse, even during sex. This round the clock intrusion is beyond damaging.
> 
> But like Coke and Pepsi it all boils down to preference. I would have preferred a punch to the face and a kick in the balls as she left our so called unhappy marriage. Now, I will always be convinced she left due to attention from other men, the doubt of her true dissatisfaction will always remain.
> 
> At least my hand can't break my heart.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


*Joker: Sure you aren't talking about my rich, skanky XW? That seems to be her modus operandi prior to setting me out on the side of the curb!*


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## totalfive21 (Jun 25, 2014)

IIJokerII said:


> It sucks either way, it is a bond that is broken, nothing more or less. I can't say I'd rather have been cheated on in a PA but I know damn well that surviving an EA on the losing side was pure hell. Remember, a PA can be somewhat dissuaded by physical intervention and documentation of ones whereabouts.* An EA can be in full force right in front of you, and worse, even during sex. This round the clock intrusion is beyond damaging...*.


:iagree: That's how I feel about coping with a spouse's EA. Wouldn't want to deal with a PA either, though, obviously.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

Yeah, I agree with the OP.

Obviously, both aspects are devastating for both men and women, but the sexual aspect hits men deeper while women have more trouble with the emotional aspect. It's also understood that we're talking about genders as a group, as Graywolf stated, so there are plenty of exceptions to these "rules".

The reasons for men having bigger problems with the sexual side of betrayal is related to the reproduction instincts. Maternity is certain, paternity is not, a woman's willingness to sleep with other men casts a doubt over paternity (it does so on a instinctual level, even when there is a fair certainity from a rational point of view). Furthermore, I think, it also has to do with the mechanics of the sexual act. The man invades a stranger's body, the woman welcomes a stranger inside her own body, so when a man's partner becomes physical with somebody else he somehow feels his own intimacy violated in much bigger fashion, IMO.

In almost every human civilization since time began, men had an intense life in the outside world while women's life was mostly her family. A man's emotional involvement with another woman meant literally the end for most women in ancient times, and the work of a lifetime tossed away just like that. That difference is mostly overcome in the modern world, but still women invest a lot in the building of a family (think of maternity leaves and how they can affect a career). So that's the reason for women fearing the emotional aspect of betrayal more than men, IMO.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's a question for an explanation why. Why does it appear that women will go along with the concept of multiple wives quicker than men would go along, if ever, with multiple husbands? :scratchhead:


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I suspect much of the greater anger about a PA by males is the result of the competitive nature of men.

The idea that some OM has been merely talking sappy and lovingly with a spouse is not viewed as evidence of superiority...in some ways it may even be seen as being weaker, since emotional display and sappiness are not considered to be essentially masculine virtues or traits.

But an OM physically invading the territory or family of another male can almost be viewed as a declaration of masculine superiority...'I can take what you think is yours away from you cause I am a better man' type thinking. 

The very thought of being so wronged and insulted by another male is enraging....heck infidelity is just ONE (undoubtedly amongst the worst though) of a multitude of such insults that no self-respecting man will accept from another male.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

I believe the main cause for the disparity is that the male of most every species is territorial. Having another male in your area is not acceptable.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> I suspect much of the greater anger about a PA by males is the result of the competitive nature of men.
> 
> The idea that some OM has been merely talking sappy and lovingly with a spouse is not viewed as evidence of superiority...in some ways it may even be seen as being weaker, since emotional display and sappiness are not considered to be essentially masculine virtues or traits.
> 
> ...


Yeah, there's this aspect too, but I think the source is still with the reproduction insticts. It is a full blown competition, after all, the winner gets to transmit his genes...
You also get to mark the territory with bodily fluids, another thing that doesn't work in the same way for women...


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Here's a question for an explanation why. Why does it appear that women will go along with the concept of multiple wives quicker than men would go along, if ever, with multiple husbands? :scratchhead:


Well, I think this goes nicely with the explanations above. Woman don't give the same importance to the physical aspect, that is Paramount for men. They will still be the mothers of their kids, while, with multiple husband, who can tell?


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## TroyN (Jan 24, 2014)

I once spoke to one of my ex-girlfriends about cheating. She told me one night in bed that she would have been able to get over me sleeping with another woman. Make no mistake, it would have really upset her. 

She then went on to telling me that if I were to fall in love and "emotionally connect" with another woman other than her, it would have destroyed her. 

Just an example of how the sexes are different.

I also have a story about a girl I went to college with. She was married and divorced and when she found out her husband had been sleeping around post divorce, she was OK with it, as she had a boyfriend at the time. But months later, when he became "Facebook official" with a different woman, it sent her into counseling.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

when I went to counseling I remember my counseler telling me something similar to this. It came out more as men have a harder time moving past infidelity than an woman. I know at the time she explained why but I honestly don't remember why. The fist few sessions were tough. Not first time I heard this


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

TroyN said:


> I once spoke to one of my ex-girlfriends about cheating. She told me one night in bed that she would have been able to get over me sleeping with another woman. Make no mistake, it would have really upset her.
> 
> She then went on to telling me that if I were to fall in love and "emotionally connect" with another woman other than her, it would have destroyed her.
> 
> Just an example of how the sexes are different.


I think an EA cuts deeper. I mean, all cheating is bad but an EA with a PA is like the molotov ****tail.

EA = heart strings. That's not something you just "get over." The heart never forgets.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I think an EA cuts deeper. I mean, all cheating is bad but an EA with a PA is like the molotov ****tail.
> 
> EA = heart strings. That's not something you just "get over." The heart never forgets.


:iagree:

I agree if you seperate out the acts 

Sex with someone other than your spouse hurts

However the lying, turmoil , deceit , sneaking, betrayl hurts a hell of a lot more

Least to me


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The EA and PA that is committed by his female partner equally hurts the male, but it is the PA that is normally the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back." And that is largely the point from which there is no viable return to the once trusting and loving relationship between the two!

The female is usually ready to call it quits either once her man has emotionally connected to someone else, or she has already succeeded in connecting emotionally to another man on her own!*


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I think an EA cuts deeper. I mean, all cheating is bad but an EA with a PA is like the molotov ****tail.
> 
> EA = heart strings. That's not something you just "get over." The heart never forgets.


Don't forget the mental images or movies that come without warning like battle related flashbacks.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

My ex-wife once told me, since we were living in different cities at the time due to my job, that I could have a mistress if I wanted to-but I just couldn't fall in love with her. :scratchhead:

Turns out she was cheating on me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If my wife had an EA, I would be done because of anger and hurt. If she had a PA, we would be done because I would be too disgusted to ever let her touch me again.

I would be more angry at an EA and more revolted by a PA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> My ex-wife once told me, since we were living in different cities at the time due to my job, that I could have a mistress if I wanted to-but I just couldn't fall in love with her. :scratchhead:
> 
> Turns out she was cheating on me.


SMH.....

I guess we can add that one to the tell-tale signs list.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

I still can't have sex with hubs after he with ow... just not intrested... I'm learning to forgive him, but sleeping with him again... that's a whole different story . 

~sammy


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

sammy3 said:


> I still can't have sex with hubs after he with ow... just not intrested... I'm learning to forgive him, but sleeping with him again... that's a whole different story .
> 
> ~sammy


Yeah. I could never get past the "ick" factor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think both would be equally devastating for me. We are each others "first" not just sex but saying "I love you" and being in love, so if he had a PA or EA, what I think is the specialness of our relationship would be totally broken.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

chaos said:


> Don't forget the mental images or movies that come without warning like battle related flashbacks.


*I might be totally wrong here, but I would highly suspect that the visualization of the "mind movies" of their spouse's covert, lurid and sexual escapades with their AP's have a far greater tendancy to effect men moreso than women!*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> My ex-wife once told me, since we were living in different cities at the time due to my job, that I could have a mistress if I wanted to-but I just couldn't fall in love with her. :scratchhead:
> 
> Turns out she was cheating on me.


*How convenient! And so damned thoughtful of her!*


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I don't know, the only reason I stayed with my WW was because she was not, and had not been, in love with the posom. Don't get me wrong, the sex part bothers me to no end, but I don't know if I could have handled her being in love with someone else. That would have been a deal breaker.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> If my wife had an EA, I would be done because of anger and hurt. If she had a PA, we would be done because I would be too disgusted to ever let her touch me again.
> *
> I would be more angry at an EA and more revolted by a PA*.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

I think for BWs the effect of the EA and PA issue is equal. Every woman knows that a man doesn't just want to be her friend. So if her husband is secretly friending another woman, when she finds out she knows it's for sex but if it's an EA - it's for re-marriage. 

The reason is also all about protection: The wife relies on the husband to protect because she had felt safe with him enough to marry him. That's how he won the race for her. While she continues to feel safe, she is able to perform all her duties with protecting and nurturing the children, home and family. When the WH steps out of the marriage in an EA she instinctively knows...Many EAs become PAs. The EA is a stronger connection than the one he has with her and the home because it consumes him and she knows it, she sees the subtle signs of his distancing and gradual non-committment. She panics because she realizes the end result is the destruction of their family unit. 

The wife also feels a personal devaluation and violation because the WH, by connecting with and sleeping with another woman, brings home the possibility of whatever diseases that other woman could have, directly into her body. This is another loss of protection leaving her vulnerable. She may try everything to prevent the neglect and vulnerability from reaching the kids. If the WH is emotionally attached to another, it usually marks the end of all protection, the end of the marriage and the family. This is frightening for the wife whose primary concern is the well-being of their children for as long a time as possible. When she is potentially exposed to WH's unprotected sex outside the marriage, it is a blatant disregard for her life and is a "statement" from him to her about the value he has placed on her as the mother of his children...zero. Sometimes too, it's that same value he places on their children.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Yeah. I could never get past the "ick" factor.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Before I could ever decide to have sex again with my rich, skanky, XW, I'd first have to orally ingest a 5 lb. bag of cocaine, guzzle a gallon bottle of JD Black Label and then order up a tank truck full of disinfectant.

On second thought, I think that it would just be far better to only keep her as a bad distant memory and heartily "wish all of that misery" onto some other poor dupe, more notably her new fiance!

But if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just continue to sit here and keep Mr. Daniels company!*


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Any man who does not use condoms outside of his marriage, cannot come home and say to his wife: "Hey, let's start using condoms!" It is an automatic agreement in marriage that "condoms" versus other birth control methods, are a no-no. Condoms mark a super-active sex life with multiple partners. 

Many men tell their APs that they are in a sexless, deteriorated marriage and place themselves in a bind for it. If he uses condoms with AP, it's not gonna work out, she will feel he is a player and she isn't the only one and too that he may be insulting her and is still having sex with his wife.

Many uneducated men assess the AP for "cleanliness" before they stick it, usually by face value...What they see. Many mistresses or APs are already on birth control versus disease prevention.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Calibre1212 said:


> Many men tell their APs that they are in a sexless, deteriorated marriage and place themselves in a bind for it. If he uses condoms with AP, it's not gonna work out, she will feel he is a player and she isn't the only one and too that he may be insulting her and is still having sex with his wife.


The other woman is already too emotionally/physically involved with the cheating husband to give a rat's asset about it. 

Two dogs in heat will simply not stop to psychoanalyze the "why use condoms". They just wanna fvck period.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> Study by Chapman University, California, found 54 per cent of heterosexual men were more likely to be more hurt by sexual infidelity
> 
> But 65 per cent of women would be more hurt if their partner fell in love
> 
> ...


Did they bother to define "hurt" or "upset" ?

No

...another flawed study.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Q tip said:


> Did they bother to define "hurt" or "upset" ?
> 
> No
> 
> ...another flawed study.


Don't you love'm?


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

I can speak from both perspectives. I have been married for 27 years, have three children, the youngest is 16. My husband had multiple physical affairs when my son was little, starting when I was pregnant with him. I still don't know the full story, he confessed to three affairs, but doesn't deny that there were more. I suspect that he was visiting prostitutes as well. 

I found out about the cheating about 7 years ago, but he claimed it was only one women and it was only because I wasn't having sex with him enough. This, during a time when I had two small children and was pregnant with his son. 

I couldn't deal with it when he told me about the one affair and we never talked it through. Our sex life disappeared and life rolled along. We had financial problems, lost both of our mothers, and I went back to work full time. 

I was lonely and ended up getting involved with someone online. It developed into an emotional affair that my husband found out about. He said it was a wake up call for him and that now he loves me and wants our marriage to work. 

He finally told me about the other affairs because I insisted that it wasn't fair for him to know everything about what I did and I still didn't know the full extent of his infidelity. He kept saying that it was all in the past and that he never cared about these women, it was just sex, whereas what I had done was worse because there were feelings involved. 

My husband found his affair partners in an online cheating website. It was a deliberate decision to have sex with other women. My emotional affair grew out of a friendship and wasn't planned. I'm not excusing myself, just explaining how I see the two situations. I certainly could have stopped at anytime when the friendship turned into something else and I didn't until I was forced to after my husband confronted me with the evidence. 

The thing is, as hard as it would have been for him to come to me and tell me that he had fallen in love with someone else and had an affair, at least I could have understood that. So, no, I don't think an emotional affair is worse. And yes, maybe it's because I had one and he had physical affairs. Infidelity of any kind changes everything and right now I can't see how we are going to get past the whole mess.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Dogbert said:


> The other woman is already too emotionally/physically involved with the cheating husband to give a rat's asset about it.
> 
> Two dogs in heat will simply not stop to psychoanalyze the "why use condoms". They just wanna fvck period.


Sickening but true...:rofl:

But I did say uneducated, didn't I? Are educated men like that too? Dont answer! I don't wanna think about it!


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Calibre1212 said:


> Sickening but true...:rofl


Hey! As a dog, I'm offended by that remark.



> But I did say uneducated, didn't I? Are educated men like that too? Dont answer! I don't wanna think about it!


Silly woman, of course but they do it with *Grey Poupon*,


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