# 2 days of sex "it's too much pressure"



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

He is LD and I'm HD. We're in sex therapy, MC, but it's taking a while to get into it because she is doing extremely extensive histories with both of us and we can only afford to go every other week. 

I've been reading as much as I can and realizing all the horrible mistakes I made when his initial excitement with the new relationship wore off and he stopped wanting it as much. I took it the wrong way, thought that he wasn't attracted to me anymore, thought that he was having issues with our relationship, thought something was wrong with him or our relationship because we weren't going at it like rabbits like we used to.

So we're both trying, his libido has gone back up and he has started to do some things that he doesn't particularly like but he knows that I enjoy greatly.

We were watching "seven days of sex", we've watched quite a few of them and find them entertaining. I said quite seriously "what about two days of sex?" Because we never have sex more than once a day and never two days in a row anymore. He said "It's just too much pressure." He went on to say that he knows that it sounds ridiculous, and he doesn't get it that he has this wonderful woman who wants him all the time and he feels like he doesn't want her the same way.

He said that he feels like he's afraid of the other shoe dropping. I think he's afraid that if we get too intimate and connected and he's too happy it will hurt more if I reject him. That's what I'm guessing anyway. I'm just wondering if anyone has been through a bad divorce and then not been able to get over the fear that the next relationship isn't going to work? Does that make sense?

I'm the same way too, I am afraid that what happened with my ex is going to happen with him. Which is why I got so upset and afraid when he suddenly didn't seem to want me as much anymore. I'm trying really hard not to take it personally, to work on myself, to not pathologize the situation, to not put pressure on him. 

I even asked him if he thought maybe he wouldn't be able to get it up two days in a row and he said absolutely that isn't the issue. 
Any insight?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Did you ask him why it was too much pressure? That is such an open ended answer? You need to get into a more deeper discussion and those shows can certainly help you do it. Ask him what he likes (specifically) about your sex sessions, and tell him what you like, go back and forth. My dh and I did this recently, it was very sensual, a turnon totally and nice to discuss. Surprising for both of us some of the things and great to discuss the minor details... if you catch my drift. Then have a discussion about what maybe you don't like (I plan to do that with my dh soon) to get the minor details of that... I think communication is so important outside of the bedroom because otherwise it's jsut a guessing game, and when he answered that question it was left wide open. Given you both do bring some baggage into the realtionship its good you are in MC... but I would want to know if performing two nights in a row isn't the pressure, what is? Ask him. Find out, get down to details, tell him your likes, ask him his.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

We both know exactly what the other person likes and dislikes. That's not the issue. I have a much more open mind and a broader sexual history than he does. Normally I wouldn't have wanted to be with someone who had such limited experience but he was so adventurous and exciting when we were first together I thought it didn't matter.
I think he already feels pressured to have sex which I absolutely hate. I guess promising to do it on a certain day is too much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I would definitely keep going to MC/ST as much as possible.

In the meantime, my wife and I played a game that I read about in "Slow Sex". Basically the game is called "My Sex" and it works like this:

1.) Both of you find a quiet comfortable place, and each of you has a piece of paper and a pencil/pen, and a watch.

2.) Set the watch for 8 minutes. Each of you has 8 minutes to write down the answer to this question: "If my sex (my sexual self) could have its way and do one new sex act with my partner that we haven't done before, what would it be?" Be as detailed and as frank as possible, don't hold back on your language or descriptions.

3.) After the time is up, flip a coin to see who goes first. Exchange the pieces of paper, and read them aloud to each other. 

4.) While the other is reading your response, carefully note how your body reacts to what they are reading. You may feel flushed, sexually excited, women may lubricate, men may get erect, etc. 

5.) Then tell your partner how your body felt/reacted while they read your response back to you.

6.) In some cases, you will both want to immediately go and act out one or both of these "fantasies". Or you may agree to act them out in the future, or perhaps not at all. If one partner is not comfortable with the fantasy, then they should write down why they are not comfortable with it, and agree to discuss it at a later time when things are not so charged.

The first few times we did this, it was difficult, and the responses were pretty mild. As we became more comfortable with this type of communication, we no longer had to "play the game", we will now simply tell each other when we are alone and having an "intimate" conversation if there is some sexual urge or fantasy that we would like to act upon.

This has expanded our list of sexual options significantly. It has also helped relieve some of the pressure of uncommunicated expectations.

This has helped our communication with each other tremendously, especially with regards to not feeling "guilty" or "dirty" about having an open yet graphic discussion about sex.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Another idea, my husband came up with, because my drive is intense right now and his is not, was sexy poker, we play a hand of poker, whoever loses the hand has to do something to the person who won, the person who won, lays back with eyes closed (we keep some props nearby, that the loser may or may not use, oil, a soft scarf, silky gloves, a soft belt from a robe for tieing hands, a couple toys).... and we take turns until one person just can't take it anymore and takes the other one! It's so fun!


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