# Too late to expose?



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

It has been 6 months since H's EA. I had never exposed to the 2nd OWH... this has been bothering me ever since...

So Wed. I sent a letter and copy of their calls "certified and restricted"... so I knew only HE would receive it. ( I tracked it and he picked it up at 9AM this morning).

It just bothered me that #1) He has a right to know,, it's not fair to leave him in the dark.
#2) A little bit of revenge... why should she keep her happy little marriage intact? And yet we are separated, preparing for divorce.

But did worry that it was a little late to do it... but "better late than never".


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Hey why not right? And I bet it makes you feel better too so that's what counts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> Hey why not right? And I bet it makes you feel better too so that's what counts
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just hope I hear something... how they are doing? I gave him my contact info, but not sure I will hear anything... guess we will see.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Well he put you through hell so now it's time to see this blow up in his face..let us know if you find anything out, I'd be thinking he'd contact you all mad, this has gotta cause some sorta consequence I'd think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I'm sure because my H and her were ex hs sweethearts (graduated in 81),, broke up during senior year, and married other people... they "hooked up" again back in 98-99 several times, cheating on their spouses.. and have been in contact ever since high school..unknown by their spouses...

Their last call was because my H told her he decided to not go to the 30th class reunion activity (bonfire without spouses)...and supposedly she got pissed with him not going (which he had at first had it planned to go)....but he still tried to call her from our home,while we were home on vacation together.. 

My gut tells me that they more than likely "hooked up" during our marriage also,, even though I don't have proof...

And he says that even after all their connection through the years... that they are now "just friends".... WHAT EVER!!

So,,, I don't feel sorry for what ever she gets,,,, and she had the nerve to tell me that since she went back to her H in 99,, that she considers herself to be "good to the core"... while hiding the fact of talking to my H only through her work phone,so her H couldn't find out..... TILL NOW!! 

I had asked her " after you went back to your H back in 99....how long did it take you to start talking to my H again,,,
Her response was " I don't think we ever lost touch" how committed to her family is that?????


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh interesting, wonder how their marriage is going now LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

soo where is everyone from TAM? It's been too quiet around here...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I had to work till 1 today, came home, ate lunch and took a nap. 

Wishing I would hear something about the letter I sent...would love to know how things are going.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh I know..wish the OW's hubby would call u
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

OK, couple of things going on here I have to point out. First off, you exposed the OWH to her affair... great! Now leave him be, and let him deal with this problem on his own. He may resent you for a while but in the end he'll come to terms and thank you for pointing out what he may have guess but not been aware. Don't pester him for details or expect him to ever contact you. 

So you're gut instinct told you they hooked up during your marriage, fantastic! Go with that feeling and trust your psychic instincts from now on, and let the past go. These things happen in affairs and it just helps them tire out more quickly. Once that sweetheart stage wears off either one of them is bound to start setting boundaries very soon after, and your H's refusal to go to a 30th reunion with her is just the first of many times he will reject her in the future.

I shouldn't have to point out how short affairs are but for reference 90% fail only lasting 6mo to a couple years. Since both people are married, they already broke up in the past probably when things started getting stale, and she's demanding more and more of his time, it's safe to say this relationship based on deceit and wanting to relive a short lived puppy love romance is going nowhere and is bound to end very shortly. 

Now do the 180, get yourself out of pain, and give them plenty of space to end this on their own. Now that the cat is out of the bag, you're H will probably resent you and try to make things work all that much harder with the OW for a while. This works out perfectly for you, even if you have to separate or divorce first because without you in the picture they have no one to absorb all their troubles and comfort them so they have to comfort and conflict with each other. AND THE RELATIONSHIP WILL DIE!


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## Whitney (May 19, 2012)

wow...I guess I have a different opinion. my STBXH also had several phone conversations with a married woman. I have no intentions of being the cause of their marriage ending. sure she "helped" me make a decision about my own, but what' s the point? do you REALLY feel good bringing someone else pain? REALLY? I'm hurt, yes. but I have to live. I saw a post earlier about bitter or better. I'm going to be better. I walked away from the marital home after 23 years. I'm hurting but I'm not going to hurt someone else so that I can feel better--because in the end, that will make me feel worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Whitney said:


> wow...I guess I have a different opinion. my STBXH also had several phone conversations with a married woman. I have no intentions of being the cause of their marriage ending. sure she "helped" me make a decision about my own, but what' s the point? do you REALLY feel good bringing someone else pain? REALLY? I'm hurt, yes. but I have to live. I saw a post earlier about bitter or better. I'm going to be better. I walked away from the marital home after 23 years. I'm hurting but I'm not going to hurt someone else so that I can feel better--because in the end, that will make me feel worse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are enough posters on here that agree with exposure. If you decided to walk away from an unfaithful marriage....shouldn't the OWS have that option too??.. 
Why should they be kept in the dark so they don't even have that option??.. So yes I exposed... Not just to hurt the OW, but to be fair to their spouse. 

If you wouldn't of found out about your H's infidelity on your own,, and he was having an ongoing affair for 1 or 2 years... wouldn't you want someone telling you??? Or would you rather stay "living" happily in your eyes,, while he's lying and deceiving you right under your nose and behind your back?

Everyone's situation isn't exactly the same, and we each handle differently. You do what works for you, and I do what works for me.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Whitney said:


> wow...I guess I have a different opinion. my STBXH also had several phone conversations with a married woman. I have no intentions of being the cause of their marriage ending. sure she "helped" me make a decision about my own, but what' s the point? do you REALLY feel good bringing someone else pain? REALLY? I'm hurt, yes. but I have to live. I saw a post earlier about bitter or better. I'm going to be better. I walked away from the marital home after 23 years. I'm hurting but I'm not going to hurt someone else so that I can feel better--because in the end, that will make me feel worse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



by informing someone that their spouse is having an affair is not causing them pain- THEIR SPOUSE AND AFFAIR PARTNER HAVE ALREADY DONE THE DAMAGE


1) The BS is operating in a marriage without all of the facts needed to make an informed decision, when one of the spouses is knee deep in a affair you can bet your butt that the marriage is failing big time and that the BS likely is getting blamed and is desperately trying to do things to no avail

2) There is also a physical health issue at risk- unless you live in a lala land, STD's can be a part of affairs, especially since many affair partners do not use protection

3) Exposure is not about revenge, although not in NIO's case, exposure can help destroy the affair and bring the WS out of their fog as once an affair is brought to light it loses the excitement and often the AP will throw the WS under the bus to save their own skin. IO, it can be an effective tool in saving a marriage at times


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