# Help please advise



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I wrote a small note to ex today for closure and it worked:

"Can we not be friends? Can we not put the past behind? Yes, we did awful things to each other but isn't it better to forgive and put that to rest? 

Life is so short and we did have our moments. Is this not enough to make peace?"

I did NOT expect to hear, I just needed to do this and a burden was lifted. However, I came home to this:

A reply that I never expected and I am in shock!!!

"I am sooooo glad u wrote back!!! did u get my email on match.com? wrote u as soon as I got back but got no reply. yes, we CAN b friends. I have only good things to say about u. smart, funny, great conversations, same wave length politically, ans oh so pretty!! How's that for starters?"

I have no idea how to respond. All I wanted was if I met in a store that there would be no awkwardness (this is a small town). Now what?:scratchhead:


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Are you still in love with him? Could there be a chance to reconcile or do you think he is genuinely just being nice and is ready to move on? I am sure that was a shocker of a reply. Be happy you can still be friends. Some people can never get to that point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OK. You violated the rule of NC with a narcissist.
Now he is casting his spell.
Just tell him what you meant, that you just didn't want awkwardness if you passed each other in the mayonnaise/tuna fish aisle and leave your profile on Match.
That's creepy he saw your profile on Match, too, and messaged you? 

Given what you've outlined/detailed before about him, I would not get into anything or expect anything. Maybe he is realizing that it is difficult to find someone new to 'train'. 

I'm trying to help you watch your back, and as a co-dependent I would expect you to say all the same to me. Yikes, you should have asked opinion BEFORE sending email. Narcissist needs NC. As you will always be vulnerable to him, not because of logic, but because of being in a relaxed, non-vigilant mood, and your established neural pathways no longer recognize 'danger' signals from any of his behavior.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

cogo123: unfortunately I still am in love him but that was with a person from a long time ago.

homemaker:
I know now. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

I am not going to respond, I will ponder it, pray, journal and then perhaps respond in a manner that will be plain.

Good that he wants to bury the hatchet. But if there is more, then I would want a groveling apology, and IC for him and not live with him and continue my life. The issues I brought to the table are being addressed in counseling. I was not without faults. I had withdrawn for the last two years, and never made love and did not acknowledge his presence. I was ugly too.

There is always two sides to every story.

I just know with what I went through, I will be cautious but I am at peace to know that I owned and apologized for my issues.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Dean:
Yes, I have as we all have.

He has sent three more emails. I don't know what he has in mind but I know there will be no rug sweeping. That Mt Vesuvius is way too big, I am tripping over it. So answers and understanding are key. But not yet. In the proper time. Perhaps, I am getting my closure after all?

Slowly, and carefully I will tread. We shall see, I am in no hurry.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

If he is a narcissist - which I know you've alluded to - then trust that he can turn back against you at the drop of a dime.

Take the good things with a grain of salt and move forward.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Ahh sparkles what have you done? You keep talking about closure but you keep opening the door, you sent a message (bad girl) and claimed to not expect a reply, but you got a reply and now you're all excited, I bet you keep checking your email just to see if he's sent you any new messages. And now the games begin, you're not going to send him a reply until you're good and ready! 

You know and we know this is only going to end badly for you, please lock that door once and for all, double dead bolt it and throw the keys out, build a wall over the door so you're not even tempted to look at it. Trust me here, it hurts your friends here on TAM to see you go thru this, we do not want to see you hurting, we do not want to see you slide backwards, we do not want to see him toying with your heart.

Why couldn't he have just said, sure we can be friends, sorry for the way things ended up. But nooo! He had to turn on the charm and lay all those compliments on you! So here he is again, exercising his power over your emotions, making you think and wish and miss him, all because you opened the door. 

Close it, lock it, and turn away.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

cooper:

I sent a reply this am because he sent me 3 email notifications last night from match.com and I told him I am no longer a member so I have no idea what he is saying. 

Don't worry but I thank you. I have so much more than I did at one time and I mean a strong support system, a 12 step program that has given me backbone and the love of myself.

This was for me. Truly. 

Life still continues as paced. I have not dropped anything nor will I. I will continue to forge ahead and that is the truth too.


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