# Not able to see either child



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

H has poinsoned both kids against me. So I seen neither and hear from neither, they are 14 yo dd, 21 yo ds. I have never heard of a mother not seeing her kids. We were to have 50/50, we only recently separated again due to his mental abuse. 
I can't cope with not seeing my kids. Going home is not an option. He rats me out when I don't agree with him to our son and our son swears and rages at me. On dd's visits he would text her constantly that her dogs missed her and that he was depressed without her and he let her stay up to all hours, invite boys over to the house and swear. She told me she might visit me if I got her a kitten. Well I explained to her that with her grandpa, my father, dying of bone cancer it's not a good time. He then coached her to tell the MD that I had picked a suicide date, a total fabrication, my MD said he knows it's a lie. The next morning after my supposed 'suicide announcement' the texted me asking me to bring some artwork over that she forgot at my place. I'll show that to my lawyer. 
Yes I am stupid for having stayed with such a sob. 
After his OW dropped him he went to her church elders and ratted her out. He knew that would be the ultimate humiliation for her as she attended that small church 3x a week and was president of the ladies league.
Anyway I am rambling.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

See your other thread I bumped up. Read my story. It will give you some ideas. I don't know what area of the country you are in or what your financial resources are. If I knew a bit more I may be able to point you in the right direction.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

indiecat, unfortunately your situation is not so unique. I have heard of mothers being alienated from their kids like this (by an sick ex) many times. Also unfortunately there is not much you can do about it.

I have a friend that had 5 kids. One by one as the kids hit puberty, the ex would start this BS with them. One by one she fought for each of them but the ex always won. It is a hard time for kids and parents to get along anyway and when up against something like this it is pert near impossible. My friend's oldest daughter didn't even invite her mom to her wedding............Her kids only come around when they want something from her but never call her on mothers day or her birthday. It is a very sad thing to watch and I am very sorry for you.......


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

So maybe I should have just taken the abuse and stayed. To have a relationship with my kids. 
There was no way he was leaving, and at that time she wanted us to leave...


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

No - read what I did. You have to FIGHT FOR THEM. Long and hard. It's more common for mothers to turn kids against the father but it happens this way, too. You didn't need to stay but you can ask the courts for an evaluation for parental fitness. You can go to counseling and take the youngest with you. You can reaffirm over and over that you won't give up on them.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-a...e-victim-parental-alienation.html#post4426666


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I'm going to be an a$$hole here but why are you letting this happen?

I'm sorry, if you've been ordered 50/50, then SEE your kids 50% of the time. I don't care if they hate your guts and want to kill you. You put in your time and reaffirm how much you love and care for them. You're not going to dismantle the brainwashing if you don't spend any time with them.

If there's no court order, then he has no right to keep the kids from you, and you need to be talking to a lawyer ASAP about correcting the situation while you exercise your parental rights.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I have a lawyers appointment tommorow. I did not see this happening, he'd always been a manipulator, but I never thought dd would turn on me. She does not want to see me, won't return my texts. I am going to go after my legal rights to see her. At 14 some people think it will be hard to force her to spend time with me, but I am going to try through the courts.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

indiecat said:


> I have a lawyers appointment tommorow. I did not see this happening, he'd always been a manipulator, but I never thought dd would turn on me. She does not want to see me, won't return my texts. I am going to go after my legal rights to see her. At 14 some people think it will be hard to force her to spend time with me, but I am going to try through the courts.


If there isn't a current order you don't have to try at all. She's your daughter. You can't be kept from her...


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He's made her hate me, she won't return my calls/texts and he won't let me in my house, even to get my things. It's her mind he's screwed up, and she's 14.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

indiecat said:


> He's made her hate me, she won't return my calls/texts and he won't let me in my house, even to get my things. It's her mind he's screwed up, and she's 14.


Why you need to speak to a lawyer immediately. Again, you are losing words like "let". As if he is the gatekeeper to your children and property.

It shows that you think he has the ability to keep you from your daughter and house, which is false.

I'm not suggesting you do anything though until you talk to a lawyer. Don't spend another minute without calling around. This is your child, beg borrow and steal to get represented.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

indiecat said:


> He's made her hate me, she won't return my calls/texts and he won't let me in my house, even to get my things. It's her mind he's screwed up, and she's 14.


Don't be a victim.

You aren't asserting your rights. And you'll NEVER geta chance to undo the damage he is doing if you don't get to spend any time with them. As COGuy said - you see them your 50% even if all they do is stomp and glare at you. Be consistent. Don't beg for their love - show you love them. It takes a long time to prove with your actions that their father is wrong about you.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He won't bring her to me, she refuses to answer my texts, I would love to have her here but have no court order to force it. He agreed in writing to share 50/50 but she and he refuse to bring her here, and the locks are changed at the house so I have no way of gaining access to her. This is a recent split. She wants nothing to do with me and he refuses to make her come here. I see another lawyer next week. She is 14 and just started high school.


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