# My infidelity story: 18 years together and betrayed by my good friend.



## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

Hello everyone. Here is my story.

Things have been rough in my marriage since the beginning of this year. We have a large family and have been a solid family since we got married almost 17 years ago. We always shared the same goals and dreams, and our mantra was that we could face anything together. We suffered the downfall of Enron (nearly killed me and financially destroyed us), layoffs, the .com bust, etc. But we had clawed our way back into the black over the years and I have done very well for myself. I am a published author and an authority in my field. Things were going great, and then my wife got a Mirena IUD in late January, and everything went to hell. 

For years it was not uncommon for us to have sex 20+ times a month. The only time we were off limits to each other was during her period. But the IUD and the hormones caused a month-long period in February, and she was still spotting throughout March. By the time April rolled around, things were tense with both of us. I didn't understand why we had almost completely stopped having sex after she stopped spotting, and she was agitated and angry all the time. Google "Mirena IUD divorce" for a long list of women talking about what these things did to them.

Our relationship continued to get more and more stressed. In May I spoke at a conference in Las Vegas, and I took her with me as a mini vacation. It was a great time and it seemed like we got back to a good place. Things seemed to be getting better for us. Then in June I spoke at another convention in Austin, TX. As a speaker I got a guest pass, which I shared with my good friend who was in a similar field and could use the training. My wife also wanted to go, and as I had taken her with me in the past so I thought nothing of it. The entire 3 days we were at the conference, my wife was like a madwoman. Yelling at me, short tempered, agitated, and cranky. I had never known her to be as demeaning as she was during those three days. It got so bad that at one point I excused myself from an event and went outside because I couldn't take it anymore. My friend came out and asked me what was wrong, and through tears I started pouring my guts out: I was losing my wife, and I didn't know why. She was increasingly short tempered and angry with me, and I couldn't understand why. I wasn't treating her that way. He listened and told me that if I found out what was going on he'd be "willing to help me hide the bodies." I thanked him for the pep talk and we went back.

And suddenly on the last day of the conference, after my friend left with his girlfriend for another conference in San Antonio, my wife acted like a completely different person. She was the woman I had always known and loved again: sweet, kind, supportive, etc. I mentioned it to her, and she said I was nuts, but it was clear she was acting completely different now that my friend was gone. This did not escape notice, but it didn't set off any alarms.

The following weeks, my friend stopped talking to me almost completely. I thought it was odd, but he also works a lot and we still saw each other at Boy Scouts and we still seemed cool. But by mid-July I was convinced my wife was having an affair, and I strongly suspected it was with him. She was on her mobile phone all the time, and had gotten very secretive with it. She would get angry any time someone would come near her enough to see the screen. She stopped doing anything around the house and just say on the couch on the phone or her tablet. She claimed it was emails and other stuff, but that was a lie. We couldn't go anywhere without her pulling out her phone and texting like a teenager.

On 7/23, I got a hold of my wife's phone and found text messages between them that made my head spin. Talking about sex acts they had done already or were planning, how she was lying to me so they could see each other that very night(!) and other things including her badmouthing me to my friend. She was basically telling him that I was emotionally and verbally abusing her (couldn't be farther from the truth!), and he was eating the stuff up, calling me all sorts of horrible names and threatening to hurt me. When she came back into our bedroom, I told her to sit down and we needed to have a serious talk. I told her I knew she was having an affair with my friend, and had just confirmed it via her phone. She just smiled and fidgeted. I told her that it must stop, and she said she refused to stop seeing him and that there was nothing I could do to stop her. While legally correct, my biggest mistake at this point was not throwing everything she owned out on the street and setting it on fire, and then kicking her butt out of the house! I would do this differently in hindsight. Anyway, they had been seeing each other since mid-February, and as their relationship got more serious ("I'm in love with him"), our relationship deteriorated. Remember the Austin conference they both were at? While I was presenting, they were having sex in the room I paid for! The talk outside? I found out that in the days afterward he started making a serious push for a more serious relationship with my wife. I guess I never realized my best friend was also an opportunistic, mate stealing prick!

We did couples counseling, and again she refused to stop seeing him, at which point the therapist said flatly that there was no point in trying to save the marriage. Unfortunately my head knew this, but my stupid heart didn't. I thought I needed to win back the heart of my wife. What I didn't realize is that it was already gone, and gone for good.

Our 18th anniversary of our first date was on 9/1, and the next day she told me our marriage was over, and she had known already for a while. Then she told me she wanted to stay together and co-parent the kids while I supported her or gave her 60% of my paycheck, but she wanted to keep her lover. Then it was over again. Then she didn't know what she wanted to do, but she was definitely keeping her lover. Finally I realized my wife is crazy and the insanity was hurting our family and the kids. It was no longer about the woman I loved; it was about keeping an insane woman from hurting our family any farther than she already had. So I filed for divorce this past week, and even though I know it was the right thing to do, it was the hardest decision I have ever made. My mother-in-law paid the retainer, and has offered to testify against my wife.

My oldest daughter has been dating the ex-best friend/lover's son for 16 months now, and this summer he noticed his dad going out late at night when his live-in girlfriend went to sleep, and my daughter noticed my wife was going out on the same nights. It didn't take her long to put 2 and 2 together and realize what was going on. The son/boyfriend thinks his dad is cheating, but he hasn't figured out it is with his girlfriend's mom yet. Poor kid. I told my wife I wouldn't lie to our daughter if she asked, so when she figured it out and asked I told her the truth and was sorry that her mother was such an idiot.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

txderbydad said:


> Hello everyone. Here is my story.
> 
> Things have been rough in my marriage since the beginning of this year. We have a large family and have been a solid family since we got married almost 17 years ago. We always shared the same goals and dreams, and our mantra was that we could face anything together. We suffered the downfall of Enron (nearly killed me and financially destroyed us), layoffs, the .com bust, etc. But we had clawed our way back into the black over the years and I have done very well for myself. I am a published author and an authority in my field. Things were going great, and then my wife got a Mirena IUD in late January, and everything went to hell.
> 
> ...


All these stories sound the same. You sound strong. You sound like you have clarity, that's great.

How do you think they started up and looking back was there anything you could've done to prevent it?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Sorry you are here, but you will get good advice here.

You want a lawyer NOW !
Then you expose the sleeze to all your friends and his live-in.

He already got her focusing on your money, so start canceling cards and removing her from all accounts.
Most say don't do that, but I say " tell it to the judge ".

But you know what? I don't see any anger from you.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Sorry, saw you already filed.

Have you told all who would listen what a good friend he is ???


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

File for D ASAP.

Go hard 180 on her....only discuss kids and D proceedings.

Expose the A to both your families and all friends as the reason for the D.

Expose this POS to his gf AND to his son, since this scumbag's actions is probably going to blow up that poor kids relationship with your daughter....he should know his dad's part in ruining his dating relationship.

Also, you said you had helped play a part in promoting POS's career through the conference....this must mean that you have enough contacts in the industry to ruin his career as well.

Make sure al of his professional peers and yours know what a fuc*ing piece of trash he truly is.

Ruin his reputation and career as much as possible.

And if he ever is stupid enough to physically approach you (since he told your foolish WW he would hurt you), make sure this POS leaves that encounter missing several of his teeth and needing reconstructive nose surgery.

What a worthless POS.

Its guys like him that make me pine for the good old days where a man could shoot the POSOM dead and never fear any legal problems over it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Post him on Cheaterville


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

ARe you doing the 180 on your wife?


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

treyvion said:


> All these stories sound the same. You sound strong. You sound like you have clarity, that's great.
> 
> How do you think they started up and looking back was there anything you could've done to prevent it?


I am strong now, but I was weak for weeks. It took a good talking to from my friend to remind me what was important. This is no longer about saving my marriage, and never should have been because that is impossible. As the therapist told me, if only one person is working on a relationship, then it's doomed. When I did a private session with her 10 days ago and told her I was going to file, she exclaimed "GOOD!" which was funny considering she's supposed to be impartial.

As for what caused it, it clearly started as a friendship that drifted into emotional affair, and then physical affair. What is funny is that the scumbag's girlfriend was uncomfortable with my wife and him being friends, and I should have clued in. I always trusted my wife, and she's always had male friends because she doesn't get along well with most women; she herself says most women are crazy or stupid. I'm not sure what could have done to stop it, other than not letting them be friends, but until then I had trusted both of them. In that respect, the betrayal was doubly devastating.


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

OldWolf57 said:


> Sorry you are here, but you will get good advice here.
> 
> You want a lawyer NOW !
> Then you expose the sleeze to all your friends and his live-in.
> ...





OldWolf57 said:


> Sorry, saw you already filed.
> 
> Have you told all who would listen what a good friend he is ???


I am more angry than you know, but it's a cold anger that I can control. I am making sure my ducks are in a row before I take any action. My lawyer is a mean pit bull of a woman and she is worth her fee. I am taking all of her advice to heart.

As far as him, I have put the word out on him to people in our profession. It's a small field, and his reputation will do him no favors. Our more close social circle is ignorant and will remain so until my wife is served papers. Texas has a 60 day cooling off period, but the respondent doesn't have to be notified immediately, so my lawyer is going to sit on the papers ~30 days to increase the impact of being served. My wife has no way to respond, and cannot afford a lawyer even with marital assets, so she's kinda hosed. I guess she should have thought of that before she screwed my friend and alienated everyone who might have helped her. Our mutual friends that know think she's horrible. I think she's full of crap when it comes to me being abusive, especially when she has YEARS of facebook posts talking about what a great husband I am and all the nice things I do for her, of which I have taken copious amounts of screenshots before they disappear after she gets served papers.

Hell, In the spring I sent her flowers after she got depressed when I was in business on Chicago, and I later learned the depression was because she and her lover had gotten into a fight! :scratchhead:


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

Does his girlfriend know?


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

Dyokemm said:


> File for D ASAP.
> 
> Go hard 180 on her....only discuss kids and D proceedings.
> 
> Expose the A to both your families and all friends as the reason for the D.


Filed last Thursday. She has yet to be served. That will happen eventually for maximum impact.

What is go 180 on her?

Her parents and family are aware of the adultery and who it is with. They are heartbroken that their daughter is so callous and stupid. My MIL told my wife she was being a fool. Her looks are fading, and I continue to get more handsome (true), and I also continue to become more successful in my career (also true, more books and a promotion are on the horizon), and will do better while she won't have any chance of catching up. Further, a 40 year old man has a much better chance of getting remarried than a 40 year old woman, and when I make sure she gets nothing but possibly spousal support, the POS lover is going to fly the coop. He's already not leaving his girlfriend because he can't afford his apartment without her. I guess he plans to move into our house after she divorced me.



> Expose this POS to his gf AND to his son, since this scumbag's actions is probably going to blow up that poor kids relationship with your daughter....he should know his dad's part in ruining his dating relationship.


Someone, I think a well-meaning friend, tried to do this last weekend and threats against my physical safety and personal reputation were made. I have text messages between him and my wife where he threatened to shoot me, as well as put a knife to my balls to get the truth about who was sending the texts to his girlfriend (it wasn't me, and apparently the girlfriend is too stupid to believe he's screwing around on her). Further, I like the son. He's an honorable kid and he hates what his dad is doing. He just can't do anything about it because he is stuck living there until the end of this school year when he graduates. He's also very good to my daughter and she loves him. He's on track to make Eagle Scout, and I want him to. His dad may be a POS, but this kid is better than his old man. When this blows up, it is going to cause problems for him. I don't think anyone would believe how much time I've spent trying to protect this kid from the sins of his father. I love him like my own son, and expect one day he'll probably be part of the family. Boy won't that be grand when I am joined to the POS by marriage. :banghead:



> Also, you said you had helped play a part in promoting POS's career through the conference....this must mean that you have enough contacts in the industry to ruin his career as well.
> 
> Make sure al of his professional peers and yours know what a fuc*ing piece of trash he truly is.
> 
> Ruin his reputation and career as much as possible.


I have said nothing I cannot prove, and have said everything I can prove, backed up with messages and texts. That is all I will say on that. If I wanted to, I could have cost him his current job since he works directly for my good friend, but I refuse to screw with a man's ability to eat. That said, I owe him nothing beyond that. And last I heard, he was on probation at the job anyway, so that will run its course without my intervention.



> And if he ever is stupid enough to physically approach you (since he told your foolish WW he would hurt you), make sure this POS leaves that encounter missing several of his teeth and needing reconstructive nose surgery.


That's where things get dicey. He's a former professional MMA fighter and teaches Judo and Jujitsu. I'm a big guy, but I'm no trained fighter. Technically, if he wanted to kill me, he could, and I'm not sure sure he's not stupid enough to do it, especially when angry.



> What a worthless POS.
> 
> Its guys like him that make me pine for the good old days where a man could shoot the POSOM dead and never fear any legal problems over it.


Agreed on both accounts. This is a man I put my reputation on the line for and got him his last job. Apparently that wasn't enough, and now he wants my wife too. Well, all I can tell him is that he can have her; I certainly already have and I don't want her anymore.


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

brendanoco said:


> Does his girlfriend know?


Someone texted her, either a friend or my mom, but the girlfriend refuses to believe it. I'm not sure how she explains him going out 4-5 nights a week while she stays home and goes to bed. What I gathered from my wife's text messages between them is that the POS told his girlfriend that he had caught me cheating on my wife (not true at all), and it was retaliation to get back at him. My hope is that the seed of doubt is at least planted, but once the divorce is out, it's going to be broadcast far and wide and she'll be forced to know at some point. I just can't believe someone would be so stupid. He so much as told her in the beginning of their relationship that if he acted the way he is acting now, it would mean he's checked out of the relationship completely. :scratchhead:


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> Filed last Thursday. She has yet to be served. That will happen eventually for maximum impact.
> 
> What is go 180 on her?
> 
> ...


* you are not going to allow her to take the house are you??*

Why cant you show his girlfriend your evidence?


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

brendanoco said:


> * you are not going to allow her to take the house are you??*
> 
> Why cant you show his girlfriend your evidence?


Of course I'm not letting them have the house, though I'll gladly give her half of the debt. 

As for the girlfriend, there's the physical threats, but I'm already in touch with law enforcement. Thankfully my cousin is a local LEO who is aware of what's going one, and he's been advising me on what to do to make sure it's taken seriously. Until they're made directly, I'm not in as good of a position as I would like.

Further, I have my reasons for not breaking them up. While they are together, my wife continues to show behaviors that make it clear she's not fit to be a mom. I don't want those to stop if I want to get primary custody of the kids. I just have to make sure I'm always here to take care of the kids because she keeps falling down on the job. I have always taken my job as a father seriously, and that will never change.


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> Of course I'm not letting them have the house, though I'll gladly give her half of the debt.
> 
> As for the girlfriend, there's the physical threats, but I'm already in touch with law enforcement. Thankfully my cousin is a local LEO who is aware of what's going one, and he's been advising me on what to do to make sure it's taken seriously. Until they're made directly, I'm not in as good of a position as I would like.
> 
> Further, I have my reasons for not breaking them up. While they are together, my wife continues to show behaviors that make it clear she's not fit to be a mom. I don't want those to stop if I want to get primary custody of the kids. I just have to make sure I'm always here to take care of the kids because she keeps falling down on the job. I have always taken my job as a father seriously, and that will never change.


can you get a gun to protect yourself?

Does she know you filed?

document everything that she does.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

txderbydad said:


> Apparently that wasn't enough, and now he wants my wife too. Well, all I can tell him is that he can have her; I certainly already have and I don't want her anymore.


Your attitude and how you've handled this double betrayal is highly commendable; not least what you say here.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

tell the posom's girlfriend...chances are as "IN LOVE" as your wife is, this om is only in it for the booty...expose and KILL the affair

and delight in her crawling back to you...and let her work for it while you STILL divorce her...you might get some killer kinky "take me back sex"...she deserves it


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How did you get her texts? Iphone?

What evidence are you getting that can be used in divorce?

Why isn't she rushing the divorce?

How does infidelity affect the divorce in Texas?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

By the way, have you showed her the info on her iud?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

txderbydad said:


> What is go 180 on her?


Here it is. Use it to detach...

The 180 List


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Sorry for being here as well.

I have to say you are doing GREAT regardless of all of this.. You are a very strong man to be able to deal with this. 

I see you do many conferences, I am guessing some sort of technical field related to computers.. Thats just off topic and me being nosey.

I am wondering about the IUD also.. I never thought that would do something but then again my divorce made me a super paranoid about my current GF cheating on me and all sorts of other things and I go to therapy every week. And I was NEVER like this before.. 

As you mentioned I have to agree with you about the probability of men and women finding suitors.. Myself at 47, my current GF of 40 who is very attractive in her own right still has more attractive *Looking* friends that I could not associate with out of her own jealousy issues. 

But beyond looks they had nothing to offer. I'm beyond the point of having eye candy.. I want a PARTNER... 

As good looking as my GF's friend was, she ended back up with her husband she divorced and ran to live in a shelter with her 2 kids to get away from because of his substance issues. He either cleaned up or she realized she wasn't going to find someone else to pay her 5k a month like he did, while she did absolutely zero for a living.. 

People have these illusions of grandeur and then realize life isn't that easy. You actually need to pay for things and have money to support yourself. Being broke sucks.. 

Life is chess not checkers.. Keep thinking ahead like you are doing..

Keep posting and keep it to this one thread regardless.. It makes it easier to follow the whole story even if you have to divert off topic.. My thread goes from finding out, to MC, to divorce, to therapy and then finally new GF issues.. These people have seen it all with me.. Up and downs, my wins and losses and my mistakes..


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Just wanted to chime in on the whole threats thing.

As tempting as it may be, don't carry a gun with you. If you used it, the very least thing that would happen is a lot of court proceedings, lawsuits, and added stress.

Under these circumstances, I might even send the POS an email, telling him he's being lied to, and that you're not wasting your energy on the texting and that juvenile crap.

Then, frankly tell him that his anger toward you is nonsense. He's the one in the wrong here. He's being played by a woman. He's a big, tough fighter man, but messing around with you will cost him his career.

Maybe it would be best to have your lawyer send it to him, or call him. Also, (I mention this to everyone) you might tell him to get familiar with the terms "intentional infliction of emotional distress" "loss of consortium" and "alienation of affection". Your lawyer can advise you, but you could potentially bankrupt him with those torts.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

As a woman it's always a red flag for me when I hear about a woman that has male friends because she can't get along with other women. Such a person usually likes male attention and doesn't want to compete for it with other women, a.nd are high infidelity risks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> That's where things get dicey. He's a former professional MMA fighter and teaches Judo and Jujitsu. I'm a big guy, but I'm no trained fighter. Technically, if he wanted to kill me, he could, and I'm not sure sure he's not stupid enough to do it, especially when angry.


You're in TX? A CHL is a great equalizer. That or a Silverado.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

I was reading your thread keeping an eye out for things to advise you on but you seem to have everything nailed down, including the OM’s son. You’re doing the right thing. Being an Eagle Scout shows a lot of character. I wonder where that came from.

Could you shed some light on the following?:



txderbydad said:


> She told me that she viewed it that she was in two monogamous relationships (apparently she doesn't understand what that word means) and that she never had sex with us on the same day, so she didn't understand what the big deal was. Of course, I later found out that this too was a lie.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your WW's lack of remorse is startling and disturbing. But we've seen it so many times. It never gets easier to read about or hear about these stories like yours. It's always heartbreaking and infuriating.

Take comfort in that the truth has been released. The truth is on your side.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Your wife is a sociopath and user, leave her in the dust and never look back, use all and any. ANY, means to destroy her reputation and social standing and then go for the jugular i.e. filing for full custody. If the "good friend" keeps threatening you, you get a restraining order on him and get a CCW, never trust him or her or anyone associated them. 


Good luck.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

TX. You sir are impressive. Virtually all make errors. I wouldnt worry about that.

Believe it or not, there is a road up. Read the whole thread by the poster BFF. Horriffic start. Epic end. Basically it shows there is a road up.

BTW your wife is in what we call a fog. USE IT against her!


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> As a woman it's always a red flag for me when I hear about a woman that has male friends because she can't get along with other women. Such a person usually likes male attention and doesn't want to compete for it with other women, a.nd are high infidelity risks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


not only that but they are usually difficult people in general. When a person eliminates an entire GENDER because they can't get along with any of them :scratchhead: something is wrong.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> Hello everyone. Here is my story.
> 
> Things have been rough in my marriage since the beginning of this year. We have a large family and have been a solid family since we got married almost 17 years ago. We always shared the same goals and dreams, and our mantra was that we could face anything together. We suffered the downfall of Enron (nearly killed me and financially destroyed us), layoffs, the .com bust, etc. But we had clawed our way back into the black over the years and I have done very well for myself. I am a published author and an authority in my field. Things were going great, and then my wife got a Mirena IUD in late January, and everything went to hell.
> 
> ...


Sir, you have been shafted big time. But you are stepping to the plate with your actions and good for you.

Here are my thoughts

1) Get a pit bull attorney and fry the wife unit. papers have been filed which is good
2) None of this is your fault
3) Regarding Mr. MMA, don't go hands on with him. Get a gun, you live in a pro-gun state. Use the state's castle doctine if he comes in to harm you.File protective orders (restraining orders because of the threats, and get them against both of them. Kick her out of the house and spare yourself the further drama. The protective order will do this. 
2) You have a good support group, the guy's son and your MIL. Take full advantage of this. 
3) Keep in mind, none of this is your fault. Your counselor was excellent and called a spade a spade. That doesn't always happen. I shun some counselors because sometimes they try to spread out the wrongdoing. Probably the reason I won't see one. Yours seem excellent. 
4) I feel for you. But don't get down at this point, stay vigilant and hammer these two


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> I am strong now, but I was weak for weeks. It took a good talking to from my friend to remind me what was important. This is no longer about saving my marriage, and never should have been because that is impossible. As the therapist told me, if only one person is working on a relationship, then it's doomed. When I did a private session with her 10 days ago and told her I was going to file, she exclaimed "GOOD!" which was funny considering she's supposed to be impartial.
> 
> As for what caused it, it clearly started as a friendship that drifted into emotional affair, and then physical affair. What is funny is that the scumbag's girlfriend was uncomfortable with my wife and him being friends, and I should have clued in. I always trusted my wife, and she's always had male friends because she doesn't get along well with most women; she herself says most women are crazy or stupid. I'm not sure what could have done to stop it, other than not letting them be friends, but until then I had trusted both of them. In that respect, the betrayal was doubly devastating.


You want her to say 'good' because even though that is a strong statement from a counselor, it should tell you that you case is brutally strong and that you are right in filing


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> Of course I'm not letting them have the house, though I'll gladly give her half of the debt.
> 
> As for the girlfriend, there's the physical threats, but I'm already in touch with law enforcement. Thankfully my cousin is a local LEO who is aware of what's going one, and he's been advising me on what to do to make sure it's taken seriously. Until they're made directly, I'm not in as good of a position as I would like.
> 
> Further, I have my reasons for not breaking them up. While they are together, my wife continues to show behaviors that make it clear she's not fit to be a mom. I don't want those to stop if I want to get primary custody of the kids. I just have to make sure I'm always here to take care of the kids because she keeps falling down on the job. I have always taken my job as a father seriously, and that will never change.



good !!!!! you have good advisers


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Yeah leave them together. Hey txderbydad, was there any clues before hand that your buddy was too far into your $hit and perhaps not respectful or faking you in another way or another? I'm talking about over the years.


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> How did you get her texts? Iphone?


Android, and I have access to mobile device forensics equipment.



> What evidence are you getting that can be used in divorce?


She leaves at 9-10 at night and is out until 2-3 in the morning constantly to be with the POS, because that's when his live-in girlfriend goes to sleep and he escapes their apartment.



> Why isn't she rushing the divorce?


That's a good question. My best guess is it is one or a combination of these:

1) She's biding her time and doing it on her timetable (that ship has sailed).
2) She's keeping me as the safety net should her relationship with the POS fall through.



> How does infidelity affect the divorce in Texas?


The infidelity itself is pretty minor in Texas. It can affect the division of property, but it's not the serious issue it used to be. What is the problem is her continued relationship with her daughter's boyfriend's father (she actually googled "Can step-siblings legally marry in Texas" back in June of this year, a month before I discovered the affair), and the fact that our daughter knows. It's also the continued bad behavior of going out multiple times during the week and neglecting her children that is the bigger issue. You can't be mom at 7:00 AM when you're out drinking on a week night and don't come home until 2:30 or 3:30 (her usual coming home hours).


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

azteca1986 said:


> Your attitude and how you've handled this double betrayal is highly commendable; not least what you say here.


I've had good friends and supporters who have reminded me of what is important and to stay on the right side of things. They've also pledged to pay for my divorce if necessary after what she's done to me. 

Ultimately, I'm playing for keeps, because my children's future is at stake, so I'm not going to make any stupid moves that would jeopardize that. Make no mistake, I have been terribly hurt by all of this, and cried many, many tears. But I refuse to let my emotions get in the way of making sure my family has the best possible outcome.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Where at in TX, TDD? Just curious. PM if you want.


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

treyvion said:


> Yeah leave them together. Hey txderbydad, was there any clues before hand that your buddy was too far into your $hit and perhaps not respectful or faking you in another way or another? I'm talking about over the years.


I happened at the Austin conference, actually. We live in a college town, and my wife and I had met a younger couple while out for coffee one night, and struck up a bit of a friendship. The young lady reminded me a lot of myself, but was painfully shy and a doormat. Her boyfriend walked all over her and she let him. One night, while out for drinks, I suggested that he should quit making her his fallback plan and take his relationship with her more serious, and that if he continued to mistreat her I might stomp a mudhole in him to set his priorities straight. Anyway, she got mad at me and said we weren't going to talk again. Then, a few days later at the conference, she texted me saying she hoped I did well. The friend was sitting next to me at the time, but he would have had to have been seriously looking to see the message and who it was from. He asked my wife, and she told me. I then told him the story. Then she got mad at me for telling him. That is when I broke down. It made no sense, until I later found out about the affair.

Apparently, and this didn't come out until after I knew about the affair, he had gotten mad at her because he viewed their communications as private, and he felt betrayed that she had told me about their conversation.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

txderbydad said:


> We live in a college town


Good possibility I either live there or visit regularly.

You got this under control, but let me know if I can ever buy a beer and lend an ear.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

A few thoughts:

You made a number of mistakes in the beginning, but those mistakes would have only been important if you now wanted to R; and I hope you're not even considering that. The bottom line is that you finally filed for D. Better late than never.

I can understand wanting to be careful about child custody. But I think you may be naive about "proving" your wife an unfit mother, as far as custody goes. That's extremely difficult to do - and will be very expensive to attempt. Her having an affair will not interest the judge in a no-fault state. You really need to talk this over with an attorney. I wouldn't hesitate to expose both of them far and wide. Especially the POSOM. If there's ever been a case for posting an OM on cheaterville.com; this is it.

Once you do post him, you send links out to his girlfriend, his family and his workplace. We can help you get his view count up. Just make sure the posting is factual and non-emotional.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

badmemory said:


> A few thoughts:
> 
> You made a number of mistakes in the beginning, but those mistakes would have only been important if you now wanted to R; and I hope you're not even considering that. The bottom line is that you finally filed for D. Better late than never.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:
Stick with the facts and do not mention your w by name and yes we can make him cheater of the day.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

txderbydad said:


> Filed last Thursday. She has yet to be served. That will happen eventually for maximum impact.
> 
> What is go 180 on her?
> 
> ...


I think you are making a lot of mistakes.


It is sad that that I have to post this but I think is an extension of the weak response you initially had when you found out.. You now realize how bad your response was but you don't realize how weak your rationalizations are.. You will soon realize that you are just avoiding confrontations under the guise of the reasonable and rational thing to do. I am not trying to attack you here. Reading your story is like a kick to the gut. I want to support you as much as I can.


You show far too much undeserved empathy. His ability to eat ? Hit him where it hurts the most. Help him develop some sense of empathy instead of spouting some false bravado infront of your wife.

About his son ? I think you can actually teach him a lot. By being and let them walk all over you, you can teach him to treat your daughter as such. You can still teach your daughter to keep her self respect and move on if she gets cheated in the relationship.

Your weak and timid nature was probably the reason she found it easy to demean you infront of other men. To have sex with a loser in a room you paid for. To ask to co parent in the same house while she has sex with her lover on the side.

Find your anger. Get pissed off. Teach people to not mess with you. Anger is a very important and valid emotion.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

One other comment, OP.

If I were in your shoes, I would be salivating at the thought of the OM getting physical with me given his prior documented threats. I'd easily be willing to take a beating for the chance to give him jail time, a criminal record, and maybe, to ruin his career. Could be that cheaterville post is what puts him over the edge. 

Make sure you carry a recording device with you at all times going forward. Download an app for your cell phone. Remember, he doesn't have to touch you to get an assault charge.

Warlock is right; you should be beyond pissed at this guy. He sounds a lot like the POSOM I had to deal with. Make him regret the day he messed with your wife and family.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Couple of random thoughts:

1) The Mirena IUD didn't turn your wife into an immoral ho-bag. Stop blaming that or yourself. 

2) Buy a large gun and make sure, in a non-threatening manner, that stbxw KNOWS you're armed. She'll relay the info to POS MMA.

3) If your 100% on the divorce (and you'd be a fool if you weren't) then I agree. Don't try to break up the relationship. Leave them in fantasyland. It looks better for you in court AND they will be more inclined not to drag things out and settle things more in your favor.

4) If you do nothing else, expose to the OMW with hard evidence. If she wants to stick her head in the sand afterwards that's her problem but don't be an accessory to their betrayal. It's the right thing to do and she deserves to know. If she wants to tell the son, she can.

5) Most people who discover infidelity start off too soft and make big mistakes in the beginning. That's OK, there's no manual for how to handle a situation like this. Simply put, what you need to do is break her spirit in two. This woman has ZERO respect for you and is treating you like a DOORMAT. She's not your wife anymore. That woman checked out a long time go and is NOT coming back. I know what I'm talking about here. In her eyes, YOU are the enemy standing between her and her lover boy. Hire a shark attorney and run her threw the ringer. It's you or her in the courtroom and she's got POS MMA ready to move in as soon as she can toss you to the curb.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> It is sad that that I have to post this but I think is an extension of the weak response you initially had when you found out. You now realize how bad your response was but you don't realize how weak your rationalizations are.. You will soon realize that you are just avoiding confrontations under the guise of the reasonable and rational thing to do. I am not trying to attack you here. Reading your story is like a kick to the gut. I want to support you as much as I can.
> 
> ...
> 
> Your weak and timid nature was probably the reason she found it easy to demean you infront of other men. To have sex with a loser in a room you paid for. To ask to co parent in the same house while she has sex with her lover on the side.


Well I think this is the reason why he is so hesitant to blow this up:



txderbydad said:


> That's where things get dicey. He's a former professional MMA fighter and teaches Judo and Jujitsu. I'm a big guy, but I'm no trained fighter. Technically, if he wanted to kill me, he could, and I'm not sure sure he's not stupid enough to do it, especially when angry.


OP, make sure you are armed and make sure he KNOWS it. Bring the threatening texts to a police station and get a restraining order. Make a lot of noise to everyone in your mutual circle of friends about what's going on. That will level the playing field. The bottom line is he's boning YOUR wife. Odds are he's trying to scare you off by talking sh!t. If you're more trouble then your stbxw is worth he'll probably just dump her. He's just looking for an easy lay. Don't make it so damn easy for him. Tell MMA's gf what's going on and give her the evidence. Then disappear off the grid. You don't have to break OM and WW up, just break up from her. I agree with you. Let the OM have your POS WW. She's not worth fighting over.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You have to find a way to tell his girlfriend if she doesn't believe you that's on her.
Put him on cheaterville also.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

txderbydad said:


> If I wanted to, I could have cost him his current job since he works directly for my good friend, but *I refuse to screw with a man's ability to eat.*


This is not just any man. This was your good friend. He lied to you, he betrayed your friendship, he verbally abused you to your wife, he f**ked your wife, and is breaking up your family. Call me over the top, but there's nothing bad enough that could happen to him. 

It doesn't matter that you are better off without your wife; which you are. Protecting your custody isn't mutually exclusive from making his life miserable.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

badmemory said:


> This is not just any man. This was your good friend. He lied to you, he betrayed you, he verbally abused you to your wife, he f**ked your wife, and is breaking up your family. Call me over the top, but there's nothing bad enough that could happen to him.
> 
> It doesn't matter that you are better off without your wife; which you are. Protecting your custody isn't mutually exclusive from making his life miserable.


This is why your wife has lost all respect for you.
He is destroying your family and you are letting him.
Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" asap.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

badmemory said:


> This is not just any man. This was your good friend. He lied to you, he betrayed you, he verbally abused you to your wife, he f**ked your wife, and is breaking up your family. Call me over the top, but there's nothing bad enough that could happen to him.
> 
> It doesn't matter that you are better off without your wife; which you are. Protecting your custody isn't mutually exclusive from making his life miserable.


He's scared of getting his a$$ kicked. See my prior post OP on how to remedy that. 

That's what food stamps are for bud. The man RUINED your marriage and is laughing at you behind your back. And your worried about his finances??? I doubt he gives two sh!ts about yours.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

txderbydad said:


> Android, and I have access to She leaves at 9-10 at night and is out until 2-3 in the morning constantly to be with the POS, because that's when his live-in girlfriend goes to sleep and he escapes their apartment.


Why not call the girlfriend at midnight and ask her where the OM is?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

txderbydad

I hope you keep a var on you at all times just in case your wife threatens you to get a RO against you or the MMAOM gets stupid.

Have you put a VAR in her car.

Just hearing her conversations might help you stay ahead of her and get this divorce done asap.

Glad you are focusing on you and your kids.

Your MIL is awesome by the way.

HM


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

badmemory said:


> This is not just any man. This was your good friend. He lied to you, he betrayed your friendship, he verbally abused you to your wife, he f**ked your wife, and is breaking up your family. Call me over the top, but there's nothing bad enough that could happen to him.
> 
> It doesn't matter that you are better off without your wife; which you are. Protecting your custody isn't mutually exclusive from making his life miserable.


:iagree:


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## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

You were weak at the start but that seems to be pretty normal. I think its just the shock and disbelief that its actually happening. Especially if you've been with them a long time.

What your doing now is good. I wouldn't bother talking to the OM. Really no point. You won't gain anything from it. And may just get hassled off them which will stress you out.

I agree with you that its best not to break them up. As you say, while in fantasyland the divorce will go along a lot more smoothly for you. 

I can't really comment much on the gun as I'm from the UK. Just make sure your wife can't get a hold of it.

Just make sure you're strong enough to turn her down when she comes crawling back. If the OM is not going to leave his girlfriend she might. Or she could get dumped if the girlfriend believes the affair and puts pressure on the OM.

The reason I say this is that there seems to be a pattern to these things. BS does everything they can to stop the affair while the WS just laughs in their face. BS says they have had enough and files. They'll say they will never take them back and that they won't be plan B. And when the WS is dropped by their OM/OW they come back (Not because they actually care for the BS. They just don't want to be single) BS takes them back and praises them on how much the WS loves them and is remorseful. They completely ignore the fact that they only came back because things didn't work out. And that they're plan B.

It will be hard because you love them. It doesn't just go away in a short time even with her hurting you. Right now its easier to think that you won't take them back because they are only hurting you. But as soon as they say they love you and want back it will hit you like a sledgehammer and you may want to believe everything she says. It may be similar to the feeling you get when you first find out the person you love is also in love with you.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

txderbydad said:


> Someone, I think a well-meaning friend, tried to do this last weekend and threats against my physical safety and personal reputation were made. I have text messages between him and my wife where he threatened to shoot me, as well as put a knife to my balls to get the truth about who was sending the texts to his girlfriend


 He actually thinks that he gets to f*ck your wife, while thinking that you even texting his his girl friend is out of line? It always amazes me how cheaters think that they can disrespect and destroy your marriage, yet expect you to respect and protect their relationship with their significant other to the point that you are not suppose to even tell their significant other about the affair. Heck she is not even his wife.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

txderbydad
I know all about what a cheating spouse is, but what is this "friend" you continue to speak about?


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## TheSecretGarden14 (Feb 7, 2014)

txderbydad said:


> As for what caused it, it clearly started as a friendship that drifted into emotional affair, and then physical affair. What is funny is that the scumbag's girlfriend was uncomfortable with my wife and him being friends, and I should have clued in. I always trusted my wife, and she's always had male friends because she doesn't get along well with most women; she herself says most women are crazy or stupid. I'm not sure what could have done to stop it, other than not letting them be friends, but until then I had trusted both of them. In that respect, the betrayal was doubly devastating.


I completely understand this. Our story is the same except reverse the genders and our marriage has only been six years. The OW had the same line about being friends mostly with guys,"women are crazy and full of drama." 
I am 6 months out from D-Day. At first I begged for MC then I realized he didn't want R and I had to move on. I did limited contact and the 180 with the intention of working on me and building a new life for me and the kids. He came back around after about 3 months and I slipped on the 180 multiple times, but I always went back to it. We had multiple false R attempts in the last couple of months. We are working toward R at the moment, but this time I've set boundaries and goals that need to be accomplished before I give R a chance. 

My advice is do the 180 for YOU, not to win her back. Expose if you haven't. Go limited contact and only discuss the kids or divorce. Do not fall for false R if you are willing to work on things. Make sure WS does the "heavy lifting" and you set boundaries before trying R.

I did everything wrong (except exposure- I ran with that) it wasn't until I followed the plan above, truly realized I would be just fine without WS, set my boundaries, and left it up to WS to do the heavy lifting that I was finally able to see progress on a possible true R. The people here can tell you I did it kicking and screaming, made many mistakes, and took the crooked path to get where I am now. Right now, I want R more than anything, but I'm not willing to take divorce off the table until I see much more progress from him and I'm continuing to work on me while he shows me what he will do to save our relationship.

If you don't want R anymore, then just file for divorce and move on, because you will be just fine, if not better, without her and it will be easier on the kids than trying to force R and giving them false hope.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Sorry guys, but I must dispute one point. 

Your advise to him about the gun is only good if he is already proficient with it AND has basic training on the legalities of the use of lethal force. Many folks would be better served with a video device. 

I know this because I'm at expert level in qualifications and training. 

Carry on.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Just get a can of pepper spray.

If Mr. Thinks He's a Bada** POSOM comes around trying to intimidate or attack you, give him a good spray of that in his face.

Then do your favorite dance on his face with some nice boots while he sits there gagging.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

commonsenseisn't said:


> Sorry guys, but I must dispute one point.
> 
> Your advise to him about the gun is only good if he is already proficient with it AND has basic training on the legalities of the use of lethal force. Many folks would be better served with a video device.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I'm no expert but the few time I had to deal with gun play only once did the POS remember the safty and even then he held the pistol like the movies (on its side) and at 6 yards only hit my leg.

My point is ya having a gun gives you a sense of security but when it comes time to use it its a whole new game.


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## txderbydad (Sep 20, 2014)

I have guns,and I know how to use them. He has guns, and he knows how to use them. We've actually been out shooting together in the past. Us putting holes in each other isn't the best of ideas.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hey just so you know I went through this double betrayal and you aren't alone. 

My old lady was a serial cheater and the one that stings the most is the double betrayal.

Just keep repeating " I deserve good things"

Repeating this helped me force the mind movies out. Every time I started thinking about the negative crap I would tell my self "I deserve good things.

I'm not going to let some bull crap they did define me....phuck them! They are not going to drag me down just cuz they are both POS....they are the bad guys.

"I DESERVE GOOD THINGS!"

At the very second the two of them popped into my head I had it ready..." I deserve good thing"

For example, I was out of town filling up the truck and across the street I saw A cheap motel....as soon I saw that trigger....bamb..."I deserve good things" ...I'm just not going to give space in my head for the bull crap!

Mind movies suck @ss...I hope this helps. It helped me.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

txderbydad said:


> I have guns,and I know how to use them. He has guns, and he knows how to use them. We've actually been out shooting together in the past. Us putting holes in each other isn't the best of ideas.


:iagree:
But you still have to tell his gf.
Do it Tuesday.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

txderbydad said:


> I have guns,and I know how to use them. He has guns, and he knows how to use them. We've actually been out shooting together in the past. Us putting holes in each other isn't the best of ideas.


I guess that depends on who is a better shot...:lol::rofl::lol:

I'm always make my self laugh, especially when both the Bears and the Charges win


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tom67 said:


> :iagree:
> But you still have to tell his gf.
> Do it Tuesday.


@ tom67, ta Bears...

Thread jack over!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> @ tom67, ta Bears...
> 
> Thread jack over!


2 year old has sox hat bil not happy
Mission accomplished.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

TRy said:


> txderbydad said:
> 
> 
> > Someone, I think a well-meaning friend, tried to do this last weekend and threats against my physical safety and personal reputation were made. I have text messages between him and my wife where he threatened to shoot me, as well as put a knife to my balls to get the truth about who was sending the texts to his girlfriend
> ...


Try this is excellent, and really clicked with me. So true from my slightly different experience. 

OP good luck and pay attention. I am not a legal expert but suggest that you consult your attorney for a RO against posom. I would also inform his so but that is me. Do what you feel is best and focus on the you and the kids. 

Get the d stated quickly hopefully she'll be so in love with posom that you will get a good deal so proceed before the bliss wears off.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She's going out several times a week to get laid. Change the locks, put her $ hit in a bag on the front porch. Yes, if she calls the cops they may make you let her in. Id rather go straight to hell than let a cheating skank sleep in my house under my roof.

You think your're being reasonable but you're just someone thetyre playing with and making fun of. The plan is to take everything you have and for him t be the man of your family. They plan on him being the dad to your kids.

You may as well start fighting while there is something left to fight for.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> She's going out several times a week to get laid. Change the locks, put her $ hit in a bag on the front porch. Yes, if she calls the cops they may make you let her in. Id rather go straight to hell than let a cheating skank sleep in my house under my roof.
> 
> You think your're being reasonable but you're just someone thetyre playing with and making fun of. The plan is to take everything you have and for him t be the man of your family. They plan on him being the dad to your kids.
> 
> You may as well start fighting while there is something left to fight for.


Makes me wonder about this one but yes you have to change the game plan.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

workindad said:


> I am not a legal expert but suggest that you consult your attorney for a RO against posom.


 :iagree::iagree::iagree:
Use the texts to get a RO before she makes up a reason to get one against you. A RO against him being anywhere near you, your children, and your home, will make it harder to move you out and him in.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Do you have any idea where they are meeting up so late at night when they both leave their houses? Hotel? More money spent on betraying you~is there a way to cut her off from extra money if she is the one bankrolling that?

One other thought about being worried with his job. I get this and the thought of revenge is oh so sweet. Just keep in mind that what happens with his job and supporting his family is going to affect his son too. If it only would hurt him, I would say go for it. You said this boy is important to your daughter and to you. Just think it all out before you make a drastic move like that.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

commonsenseisn't said:


> Sorry guys, but I must dispute one point.
> 
> Your advise to him about the gun is only good if he is already proficient with it AND has basic training on the legalities of the use of lethal force. Many folks would be better served with a video device.
> 
> ...


Disagree. I too am a firearm expert and the threat of a gun will keep the other guy away even if you don't use it. And if this other guy is everything that OP says he is, there is no weapon in the house that will protect him than a gun. Some safety class when he goes to get his permit will be enough to get him through the ordeal but I would rather be tried by 12 (and in Texas for that matter) than carried by 6


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Forest said:


> Just wanted to chime in on the whole threats thing.
> 
> As tempting as it may be, don't carry a gun with you. If you used it, the very least thing that would happen is a lot of court proceedings, lawsuits, and added stress.
> 
> ...


In dealing with your ex friend's threats, I like this post..... and


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

TRy said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> Use the texts to get a RO before she makes up a reason to get one against you. A RO against him being anywhere near you, your children, and your home, will make it harder to move you out and him in.


absolutely. I preached this yesterday, get an RO NOW!!!!!!!! or it will be you who is out of a home. Don't become the fool


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

TRy said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> Use the texts to get a RO before she makes up a reason to get one against you. A RO against him being anywhere near you, your children, and your home, will make it harder to move you out and him in.


this one too... lawyer up and get yourself and your kids protected as priority. Everything else can wait.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Its amazing how brazen some of these WW are. She is such a special little snowflake, you should feel honored to finance her whoring about. If OM is such an alpha stud, why hasn't she already packed up and move in with him? He isn't going to stick around long once he has to start actually *paying* for a piece of that post-Wall, adulteress @ss.

I would take his threats more serious. People get assaulted and killed because of infidelity. He doesn't respect you, and his martial training has likely inflated his sense of invulnerability and arrogance. I wouldn't be surprised if he came by your place in an attempt to embarrass you and show off. 

Unfortunately, this is going to be your life for some time. Once the divorce is filed, the drama will increase and your WW will either attempt to manipulate her way back or begin acting even worse. Good luck. Sorry you are here.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce and 180. Expose to everyone when you are able. Man this is a tough one. 

I for one have no problem with you packing. A black belt is no match for a .45 cal bullet flying 750 fps.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Get a Restraining order on him. 

Sue him for emotional distrust. 

Unlike some here, I'm all for you carrying a gun. Again, luck favors the prepared. You don't want to be holding your ding a ling in your hands if he's got a .45 in his, know what I mean. I'd just be cautious. 


The best deterrent I think is still through legal avenues like the RO and Emotional Distress suit.

Also, I just read you could get him fired. 


Um...... Like yeah bro. Pull that card. Like yesterday.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TheFlood117 said:


> Get a Restraining order on him.
> 
> Sue him for emotional distrust.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
Get him fired!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know asap.


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

I don't have any advice for you, Txderbydad, but wish I could send you a ton of friends to encourage you and hug you every day! If you don't have friends around you that are aware of what's going on, I hope you can bring them in. You seem to be handling this well, though it's hard to imagine the pain and anger you must be feeling. I do hope that all your work on the legal and practical side of this will pay off and get you off in a good new direction in your life. Once you've worked through the stages and steps of the divorce, it's good to let go of the anger too, as much as you're able. Revenge may feel good initially, but in the long run, I hope you can eventually forgive her and this guy, and move on with your life. Keep in mind, forgiveness is not saying what they did is okay (it's HORRIBLE what they did), but that you're not going to continue to punish them for it (in your mind or tangibly) ~ that only serves to keep you experiencing the pain and anger, and you don't deserve that. I wish you the very best and happiest future ~ hugs and blessings!


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