# cheatersville help



## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

I need some quick advice. D day was a year and a half ago. I posted only the facts about the OM to cheatersville which included some screenshots of my WS facebook messages which included pics of the OM. He has now discovered this, says I have “defamed” him online with pictures, and has threatened to “retain an aggressive attorney” if I don’t take the post down. I know laws are different in each state (I’m in FLA) so I need your quick advice. Should I hide the post from the public or not? I feel that if I take it down, he wins again!


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

My reconciled wife thinks that if I don’t hide the post that the OM will drag her name thru the mud. We have not told the kids about the affair yet (or many people for that matter) and she is afraid of them finding out online. What a mess. I hate dealing with this again.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

From what I understand about defamation is it has to be lies in order to successfully argue you've been 'defamed'. If it's the truth I'm fairly sure it's not defamation.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

I don't think I've ever posted here but the response from OM produced a very visceral reaction in me. Were you truthful? If so, HE defamed his own name, not you. Talk with your wife about it and decide together. I'd be one to fight it out, even if I lost. I think he's just trying to scare you but consult with an attorney if you're unsure. I'd respond to him with "if you're so concerned about being defamed, you should have run around with a married woman" and leave it at that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

It was only the facts. Even my wife who has seen the post agrees that it states only the facts.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Leave it up. Call him on his bluff.

If you get a demand letter from his attorney, then seek legal advice.

I'm personally not a big fan of cheaterville, because it's too easy for the cheater to retaliate and put* you *up there. It's too easy to photoshop/fake pics.

Even if you hide his cheaterville posting, it will still come up if someone searches his name on the internet.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> It was only the facts. Even my wife who has seen the post agrees that it states only the facts.


You should be fine. So long as it is the truth, no defamation has occurred.

And, if the OM wants to go through the trouble and expense of hiring an attorney to challenge that truth, then that's on him.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

thismanhere said:


> It was only the facts. Even my wife who has seen the post agrees that it states only the facts.


Then you have no problem. You might want to consult with an attorney for peace of mind. Plenty of attorneys have been here and said as long as what you write is true or even believe its true you have no problem.

The only way an attorney will take his case is for yhe money and know will lose.

Send him a note and tell him its not coming down and if keeps it up you will add much more to the cville post.

Tell him you will also put he link on facebook.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Leave it up. Call him on his bluff.
> 
> If you get a demand letter from his attorney, then seek legal advice.
> 
> ...


Cheaterville, I believe, will take down erroneous posts.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

LOL If I had proof all this would do is make me email the link to all his neighbors.

Must be the Klingon in me.


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

That is what I am afraid of ThreeStrikes. His texts, to my wife no less, were: 
“Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
“Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “
I really think that these are empty threats, but my wife does not think so. I don’t know the guy, unfortunately she does.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> My reconciled wife thinks that if I don’t hide the post that the OM will drag her name thru the mud. We have not told the kids about the affair yet (or many people for that matter) and she is afraid of them finding out online. What a mess. I hate dealing with this again.


You have two people that hurt you terribly. One who made promises to you to never hurt you like that and the other is a stranger. You would think that the person who needs to feel the most pain and embarrassment would be the one who made the commitment to be faithful but reneged on her promises to YOU.

IMHO, if you choose to use cheaterville to out the OM, be prepared to suffer the repercussions if he tries to retaliate. He could quite easily put your wife on cheaterville, or his wife may be inspired to do that as a reaction. The flip side is that the OMW and the OM may be reconciling too. Is it fair to her to have her husband branded with the scarlet A yet your wife skates scott free? You may hurt the OM but you're also hurting his innocent family (if he's married with kids). Why should your kids be spared while his kids are not?


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Check your state statutes and see if the adultery laws are still on the books, though unenforced. Not realistic, but ammo.

Anyone can sue for about anything, doesn't mean they actually have a case. I've read a little on cheaterville, and it does not seem like anyone has had any luck suing anyone involved with the place, that was, in fact, posting truthful comments.

Truth is, as always, a defense.

Theoretically, a person in your position then could counter-sue for "malicious prosecution", "alienation of affection" and "intentional infliction of severe emotional distress". Unlike libel and defamation, these are suits that are filed, and won regularly. You might want to do some internet research on the terms.

I am not an attorney, and do not interpret this as legal advice.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Agree with the others.

Of course what do you do if he puts your name or your wifes name up there?

The other way to look at it is that he has disrespected you once by having an affair with your wife, are you prepares to start doing what he tells you and take it down? To me that would make you his b1tch.

Perhaps if he wrote you a letter begging you and apologising whole heartedly....


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> That is what I am afraid of ThreeStrikes. His texts, to my wife no less, were:
> “Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
> “Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “
> I really think that these are empty threats, but my wife does not think so. I don’t know the guy, unfortunately she does.


If he threatens you, file a police report. He's trying to get you to do something stupid by calling you names. Name calling usually is done whenever the other party has nothing to say and/or is losing.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> Can I post a link to the cheatersville post on here for your opinions or is that too much?


It's up to you, normal advice is not to post a link here but things vary.

Be warned that many of the posters here have gone on the offensive and really ramped up a Cheaterville post and left some very stinging comments.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> That is what I am afraid of ThreeStrikes. His texts, to my wife no less, were:
> “Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
> “Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “
> I really think that these are empty threats, but my wife does not think so. I don’t know the guy, unfortunately she does.


Well that's strange, because in my book a 'real man' would not be texting some guys wife with threats.

He seems weak to me.


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> You have two people that hurt you terribly. One who made promises to you to never hurt you like that and the other is a stranger. You would think that the person who needs to feel the most pain and embarrassment would be the one who made the commitment to be faithful but reneged on her promises to YOU.
> 
> IMHO, if you choose to use cheaterville to out the OM, be prepared to suffer the repercussions if he tries to retaliate. He could quite easily put your wife on cheaterville, or his wife may be inspired to do that as a reaction. The flip side is that the OMW and the OM may be reconciling too. Is it fair to her to have her husband branded with the scarlet A yet your wife skates scott free? You may hurt the OM but you're also hurting his innocent family (if he's married with kids). Why should your kids be spared while his kids are not?


He is a single 43 yr old man, no kids.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

thismanhere said:


> That is what I am afraid of ThreeStrikes. His texts, to my wife no less, were:
> “Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
> “Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “
> I really think that these are empty threats, but my wife does not think so. I don’t know the guy, unfortunately she does.


You should not have posted a picture of his dad unless he was helping the affair. If you can, take that picture down.

If he threatened/threatens you call the police.

If you take it down, your wife will think he scared you and he's the better man.

Your wife has to live with what she has done.


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> You should not have posted a picture of his dad unless he was helping the affair. If you can, take that picture down.
> 
> If he threatened/threatens you call the police.
> 
> ...


The picture of his dad is from the screenshot from facebook. It shows up as his avatar from their messages back and forth.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

I would like the link


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> You should not have posted a picture of his dad unless he was helping the affair. If you can, take that picture down.
> 
> If he threatened/threatens you call the police.
> 
> ...


Excellent Advise! Yes, including the Dad may be a problem and it would be wise to remove Dad's image from there unless he too was involved in some sort of conspiracy with his son cheating with the W - however, what I would do is cut Dad out of the picture and repost the pic without Dad, thus appearing to be cooperative but not bowing to the OM's insults. Subtle, but effective.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> The picture of his dad is from the screenshot from facebook. It shows up as his avatar from their messages back and forth.


Ah, then nevermind my suggestion of removing his Dad's image. OM apparently has already published his Dad's image as part of his avatar, and in order for you to share a legitimate message (screen-shot), aka "the truth" the image should not be altered in any way.

And there you have your legal "argument" to make no changes to the cheaterville post.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

As others have said if it’s just the facts then there is no legal problem. If you respond or take down the photo then you are admitting that it was you that put him on CV.

If it were me I would totally ignore him. Then it would be up to him to prove you posted it and that they are lies.

Don’t let him blackmail you. If you fold he can do that forever. Fu*k him.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Based on my understanding of Florida law, its like my Granddaddy used to say, "this guy is pissing up a rope". First up, the statement published has to be false. In law, there must be prima facie elements of a case. In Florida, a key prima facie element for the plaintiff (OM) is a false and defamatory statement concerning another. 
Him retaliating by publishing facts about you and your wife may be real. He is threatening to do exactly like I would do. Like they say, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Besides if he is on Cheatersville, why is it wrong for her to be. 
(for discussion purposes only and not is intended to be legal advise. If necessary seek legal advise from a competent attorney licensed in the state)

Edit: Get "Dad's" face obscured.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> here is the image


Perfectly Legal to post the messages "as is" as it proves that the OM is the person who wrote the message. To alter the message in any way (other than completely obliterating all pictures as you did with your W's here) might put an innocent party in the mix if the OM's name is a common name that could pin this exchange on an innocent individual with the same name. The picture makes it obvious who this particular "John Doe" is that had an affair with your WS.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

his (OM's) number should be blocked on your wife's cell phone

don't hide the cheatersville post

your wife used the marital bed for the affair?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Like the others have said... There's likely not much he can do legally. But there is a considerable amout he can do to lash out. You'll have weigh those odds. There was a long recent thread about someone who made a legitimate CV post, but when the OM started fighting back, he folded pretty quickly from pressure by his wife.

C


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

convert said:


> his (OM's) number should be blocked on your wife's cell phone
> 
> don't hide the cheatersville post
> 
> your wife used the marital bed for the affair?


I did block his number in the iOS settings.

She used the OM's bed, not that that is any better, but I guess it could be worse.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

So he cheats with married women.

Maybe you should tell him he should like the advertising.

He cheated with your wife. Does the POSOM think that there are no consequences to cheating? 

Has your wife been remorseful? She should tell him where to go, what a scum he is and that with his threats, that she is going to report him to the police.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Lawyer here.

Screw this ass hole. You may get a letter from an attorney, and my response would be "so what?" Lawyers with no intention of taking a loser case would be happy to send a nastygram for a Benjamin or three, but that's as far as they'd be willing to take it.

I'm not even that concerned about his dad's photo. If dad is included in the avatar the OM chose to use in sending messages to your wife, that's on him.

And I agree, sending the tough guy notes to your wife reveals him as the weak turd he is.

In closing, screw this ass hole.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

If some guy banged my wife and then _threatened_ me? Let's just say that would not bring out my best behaviour.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

GTdad said:


> Lawyer here.
> 
> Screw this ass hole. You may get a letter from an attorney, and my response would be "so what?" Lawyers with no intention of taking a loser case would be happy to send a nastygram for a Benjamin or three, but that's as far as they'd be willing to take it.
> 
> ...


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## DoktorFun (Feb 25, 2014)

P51Geo1980 said:


> I don't think I've ever posted here but the response from OM produced a very visceral reaction in me. Were you truthful? If so, HE defamed his own name, not you. Talk with your wife about it and decide together. *I'd be one to fight it out, even if I lost.* I think he's just trying to scare you but consult with an attorney if you're unsure. I'd respond to him with "if you're so concerned about being defamed, you should have run around with a married woman" and leave it at that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*This^* :iagree:


Don't take it down!


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Forest said:


> Check your state statutes and see if the adultery laws are still on the books, though unenforced. Not realistic, but ammo.
> 
> Anyone can sue for about anything, doesn't mean they actually have a case. I've read a little on cheaterville, and it does not seem like anyone has had any luck suing anyone involved with the place, that was, in fact, posting truthful comments.
> 
> ...


E-gad! for the most important one: "loss of consortium".


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Your making him out like he's the one a fault when in fact, this guy couldn't get to first base with your wife let alone home plate unless she wanted him to.

Yeah he did wrong but heaping it all on him IMO makes you look foolish. 

Rather than going after this guy, maybe you should be dealing with the main culprit who stabbed you in the back. Your wife. 

Your defending her honor when in fact, she gave that right up when she undressed and got in bed with him.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

What the hell does he mean by 'criminal trespass' and 'criminal voyeurism'?

Finding your wife in bed with him?


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

6301 said:


> Your making him out like he's the one a fault when in fact, this guy couldn't get to first base with your wife let alone home plate unless she wanted him to.
> 
> Yeah he did wrong but heaping it all on him IMO makes you look foolish.
> 
> ...


A little correction: HE NOW HAS TO DEFEND HIS HONOR! 
I would leave it where it is and let him kiss my ars! And your W. watch it also!


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I know that you should have the right to make public this infidelity, but I'm afraid that you can be sued for defamation for this. Please find other ways to get back at them.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And he's got plenty of truth that he can share all over the place as well, if he choses. If you're going to persist, you better get her to batten down her virtual hatches (i.e. lock down her FB security, let her family know that they might hear some things, etc). She needs to be prepared to accept the same sort of thing that you're dishing out to him. 

You also dragged his brother into it?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> I know that you should have the right to make public this infidelity, but I'm afraid that you can be sued for defamation for this. Please find other ways to get back at them.


Unlikely but possible. The plaintiff has too many hurtles to clear. Most defamation cases cost more than any possible damage award. Hence, the wife's boyfriend ain't gonna get a lawyer to take it on a contingency, so he'd have to anny up substantial money to even file.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> I know that you should have the right to make public this infidelity, but I'm afraid that you can be sued for defamation for this. Please find other ways to get back at them.


Not a lawyer, but as I understand it you can be sued for almost anything.

Whether it ever amounts to anything is another matter.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

TMH,

I would just leave up and tough it out.

You don't want wuss out in front of your wife.

If he actually goes to the trouble of filing a lawsuit, you'll have to find a lawyer and defend yourself. It is unlikely that he can gain anything but negative PR.

He can tar you wife's name by putting her up. But you already know she is (former) cheater and the CV profile will help her think straight. Of all the people who are inconvenienced by the affair, you are the aggrieved one.

There is no perfect solution.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

6301 said:


> Rather than going after this guy, maybe you should be dealing with the main culprit who stabbed you in the back. Your wife.





PBear said:


> You also dragged his brother into it?
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think TMH is desperate to punish two people involved in the affair but he doesn't have the juice to properly deal with the wife. So he substitutes the dudes brother. If he made a mistake on Cheaterville, that's going to be it. The brother is not the proper candidate for TMH. If you're going to post any guy who would nail a willing married gal, you can start with half the guys in your neighborhood.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

thismanhere said:


> here is the image


I think the last sentence was transposed.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Not a lawyer, but as I understand it you can be sued for almost anything.


This is true but he will have to pay a lawyer to do it because no lawyer would take the case on contingency. The most you will get is a nasty letter as a total bluff. 

As I said he has to prove that you posted it and then prove that it’s all lies. I doubt that he wants to go there.

He is freaking out because he’s an alpha bully that always gets his way, even with your wife. If you back down I can see him bragging about banging your wife and sending you running to prove his dominance. 

You and your wife should do absolutely nothing and let the chips fall where they may. Do not give him power over you.

Not responding to him will drive the OM crazy. If he crosses the line then use his massages to your wife to get a restraining order.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Understand OP. I have a SERIOUS mean streak when provoked. I'm nice as hell to everyone.. until you cross me, my friends or my family.

Tell him escalation can be escalated even more. 
Got his address?
Put it in Bing.
ooooooh lookie there. ALL his neighbors names and addresses JUST FOR YOU! Linkedin? Hope he did not take a long lunch hour to screw her. Lookie there. His boss.

Talk to a lawyer. The first hour is free. 

Silly question: He knowingly screwed your wife knowing she was married right?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I haven't heared of one successful "Cheaterville" law suit where the truth was being told.

A former poster here, SamedayDig posted his WW's POSOM on Cheaterville and ruined the guy's career ... and the POSOM just so happened to be a lawyer. Dig is OK as far as I know, no repercussions. So if Dig's WW's POSOM couldn't (wouldn't) do it, what makes you think your WW's POSOM can do it?


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Let him. You got the facts. He can't prove you posted him on CV. He can't prove you defamed him. He can't win.

Want to kick him in his nuts? Prepare a disclosure letter. Add the fact that you have reconciled with your WW and yet this POS is sending threatening texts. Send it to his office colleagues, his family, friends. Print it out, distribute as flyers in his neighborhood. He is pushing you. Push back - with everything you got. 

Is your WW truly remorseful? If so, why is she so afraid others will know what she did? She should have told others herself how she stabbed you in the back.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Why did you post him on cheaterville?
If your wife is on board with reconciling, all you are doing is inviting the jackass back into your marriage.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

Tell him to go ahead and get an attorney. And that you will contact a local reporter to be sure his "story" is properly told to everyone in town instead of those who simply google his name. Imagine the headlines....
Posting the truth isn't illegal, and an aggressive attorney will tell him so. Seems to me your cojones are waaaay bigger than he anticipated if you leave it up


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

P.S. Remind me to never piss off Weightlifter


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Weightlifter is right.

Why I would report him to the police and get a restraining order just to make his life miserable.

Then gave the RO reported in the local newspaper.

Then have that notice sent it his boss, family and friends.

Maybe by then he will email you directly.


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

PBear said:


> You also dragged his brother into it?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Long story, but the OM’s brother was already having an affair with a friend’s WW. That is how my WW and the OM met. I did not know any of this until D-day.


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Silly question: He knowingly screwed your wife knowing she was married right?


Yes


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

thismanhere said:


> Long story, but the OM’s brother was already having an affair with a friend’s WW. That is how my WW and the OM met. I did not know any of this until D-day.


Ok. But I would just make sure you stick to things you have actual proof of. 

So does your wife have the guts to go through with things if he starts a smear campaign against her? Starts spouting off to her friends, family, coworkers?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

PBear said:


> Ok. But I would just make sure you stick to things you have actual proof of.
> 
> So does your wife have the guts to go through with things if he starts a smear campaign against her? Starts spouting off to her friends, family, coworkers?
> 
> ...


Probably not.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

Why would you think it's appropriate to publicly tar and feather this chump on the internet while choosing not to tar and feather your cheating wife on the internet as well? 

They are both guilty of the same crime but she is the only one who made any vows to you? It's HER that deserves your public shaming if anyone does. 

It just seems hypocritical to me. 

You are trying to R so I suggest pulling the post before your wife gets similar unwanted publicity which she obviously doesn't want or the guy causes your family more harm.

Who needs the stupid drama?


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> I haven't heared of one successful "Cheaterville" law suit where the truth was being told.
> 
> A former poster here, SamedayDig posted his WW's POSOM on Cheaterville and ruined the guy's career ... and the POSOM just so happened to be a lawyer. Dig is OK as far as I know, no repercussions. So if Dig's WW's POSOM could do it, what makes you think your WW's POSOM can do it?


He has never gone after Dig in any sense and he was a pretty big lawyer with a father who was mayor of a large NYC area for 20 years. If anyone was going to follow a lawsuit about CV, it would definitely be the xOM. I'm still waiting for his BS to post me and if she ever does, I'm prepared to live with it as a consequence of my actions. Truth is truth and not defaming. Even if it's posted in anger and pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

thismanhere said:


> Probably not.


You may want to think about how you might have to handle things if he lashes out when the legal process fails...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

thismanhere said:


> Probably not.


Did your wife face any consequences for her A?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

calmwinds said:


> P.S. Remind me to never piss off Weightlifter


I am a great friend.

a MUCH better enemy.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Is the OM a predatory player. That is a man who specifically targets attached females?


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Is the OM a predatory player. That is a man who specifically targets attached females?


Not sure. I don't know the OM, never met him. He's friends of friends. Sounds like it though


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

By this I mean its SOP. He targets multiple attached females for affairs. Usually their first affair.

Uses a friending methodology.
Pushes friendship
Pushes boundaries
Then sex.

This is important. Ask your wife. Please.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Graywolf2 said:


> He is freaking out because he’s an alpha bully that always gets his way, even with your wife. If you back down I can see him bragging about banging your wife and sending you running to prove his dominance.



GWolf is exactly right. You called him out. If you back down now you're going to look and feel like a coward. And, as bad as it sounds, you will be one because when he challenged you and you backed down. Don't try to justify it with some B/S about protecting you and your family. Anyway you cut it Dawg, "If you back down I can see him bragging about banging your wife and sending you running to prove his dominance." And he will have proved it.



WhiteRaven said:


> Did your wife face any consequences for her A?


Of course she didn't and she ain't planning to do it now. She got her some strange and now want nobody to know it and everybody else to look the other way.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

convert said:


> his (OM's) number should be blocked on your wife's cell phone
> 
> don't hide the cheatersville post
> 
> your wife used the marital bed for the affair?


This stood out to me too. Why does he still have access to text your wife?


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

Row Jimmy said:


> Why would you think it's appropriate to publicly tar and feather this chump on the internet while choosing not to tar and feather your cheating wife on the internet as well?
> 
> They are both guilty of the same crime but she is the only one who made any vows to you? It's HER that deserves your public shaming if anyone does.
> 
> ...


I agree.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

I would like to address the consequences for a couple in R from the WS side. I know it might be difficult to believe because some people here really don't give a crap about the WS, however I can tell you that even two years into R, I still live with the guilt and shame for my actions during my affair. Rarely a day goes by that I'm not ashamed when looking in the mirror because I know the damage I caused our marriage.

In the end, Dig chose to forgive me and for that I am forever grateful. But guess what? Even Dig, as much work as he's done on himself, he will occasionally trigger and when he does, guess who bears the brunt of his anger and pain? Me.

But I accept that as a consequence of my actions. I accept that he's allowed to be hurt and angry. Don't think for amoment that a couple who attempts reconciliation means the wayward gets off scott free. At least, not in all stories.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Commented on the Cville post.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

After seeing his pic on that post, I agree he looks like the type of guy that envisages himself as some kind of alpha male. Likely a big talker and small time bully. His body language and pose with daddy says it.

However, a REAL alpha male does post pics with daddy, wear "look at my gym body" shirts, and tell other people to convey his messages. Real men show up in person without threatening to "retain an aggressive attorney". He's a one-punch Johnny that bluffs his way thru life. His ego is his only real power.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

And tell him to go ahead and get a lawyer. You will be glad to discuss the events that led you to post the Cheaterville ad and have them officially on PUBLIC RECORD for the rest of time


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Commented on the Cville post.


He posted the cheaterville? Where? I wanna see this azzhole.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> He posted the cheaterville? Where? I wanna see this azzhole.


Same here.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

I gather that your wife wants you to take the CV post down because the OM might drag her name through the mud. Make her look bad.

She wan't worried about looking bad when she was having sex with someone other than her Husband though. If she doesn't understand why you would leave the CV post up, TO BAD. Tell her that it's part of the consiquences of her cheating on you.

If you take the post down to apease the POSOM(or anyone else for that matter) you'll regret it. It will show everyone that he still holds power over you and your wife.

If you do take the post down, do me a favor. Look at yourself in a mirror. Then tell me who you now see looking back at you...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Personally I would not back down. I got certified letters from an attorney for almost a year over a car accident. He was threatening all sorts of things. My wife was worried about me, thinking I was going to jail, due to what was being said in the attorney's letters. Yes, I rear-ended a person. Yes it was my fault. Yes their child was hurt (minor whip lash). The police came, the ambulance came, I turned everything over to my insurance company. I was not charged with a crime.

I threw the attorney's letters in the trash. He can threaten me all day long but unless a court sends me a notice, it is meaningless. An attorney's threats, letters, etc is just like a roaring lion, just a lot of noise.

I would post this on his cheaterville account as an update:

Folks here is the latest from the cheater:

“Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
“Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Row Jimmy said:


> Why would you think it's appropriate to publicly tar and feather this chump on the internet while choosing not to tar and feather your cheating wife on the internet as well?
> 
> They are both guilty of the same crime but she is the only one who made any vows to you? It's HER that deserves your public shaming if anyone does.
> 
> ...


If POSOM suggests causing harm, the OP needs to sic the police on him.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Row Jimmy said:


> Why would you think it's appropriate to publicly tar and feather this chump on the internet while choosing not to tar and feather your cheating wife on the internet as well?
> 
> They are both guilty of the same crime but she is the only one who made any vows to you? It's HER that deserves your public shaming if anyone does.
> 
> ...





intuitionoramiwrong said:


> I agree.


I see this often here and to a large extent I agree, but some people almost seem to indicate that the WS takes all the blame and the AP none.
I think they are both culpable and should both be held to task over the affair.

Two scenarios, tell me which person you would like to be in these scenarios.

Scenario 1.

"Hey, who's that lovely babe over there?"

"Oh, that's Fred's wife."

"Mmmmm, does she play around?"

"Well she did but Fred caught her."

"Oh, did he do anything?"

"Nah, not really, just cried a bit then took her back."

"Really? See you later"..... "Hey babe, d'ya fancy a drink."


Scenario 2.


"Hey, who's that lovely babe over there?"

"Oh, that's Fred's wife."

"Mmmmm, does she play around?"

"Well she did but Fred caught her."

"Oh, did he do anything?"

"Hell yeah, he ripped the OM as well as his wife a new one, posted him all over the internet, ruined his reputation, put a spoke in his career and nobody trusts the guy near their wives or daughters."

"Holy crap, yikes. Well what about her over there instead?"


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Personally I would not back down. I got certified letters from an attorney for almost a year over a car accident. He was threatening all sorts of things. My wife was worried about me, thinking I was going to jail, due to what was being said in the attorney's letters. Yes, I rear-ended a person. Yes it was my fault. Yes their child was hurt (minor whip lash). The police came, the ambulance came, I turned everything over to my insurance company. I was not charged with a crime.
> 
> I threw the attorney's letters in the trash. He can threaten me all day long but unless a court sends me a notice, it is meaningless. An attorney's threats, letters, etc is just like a roaring lion, just a lot of noise.
> 
> ...


Probably add that this was sent to his wife as well.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> I would post this on his cheaterville account as an update:
> 
> Folks here is the latest from the cheater:
> 
> ...


Brilliant. And make it clear he sent them to your wife, but didn't have the guts to send them to you, let alone say it to your face.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I still want to know why OMs # wasn't blocked on WW phone....did he text from another # or something?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> I still want to know why OMs # wasn't blocked on WW phone....did he text from another # or something?


Very good question. Hope OP knows why.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Please PM me the link to CV - I can help drive up the number of hits so that his cheater ranking gets higher!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

He's got 24 hours to publish the link. Otherwise we'll know he wimped out and took it down.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Its down. Still in google cache.

Bad people win again.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

The pathetic part, and I've seen it time and time again, is that it won't be long before that cowboy is back in the saddle. I'll bet money on it. Bad people or not, he's the one with the power.
Its obvious that TMH's old lady was smitten by this dude and now he really looks like the man with the hair on his balls. You guys know its true. In the final analysis, you either have the backbone or you don't.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

So the OM wins. Again.

I wonder if your wife has a new found respect and admiration for her ex-lover now that he's put you in your place. Again.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

JP, it ain't easy to see a man drop his weapon and run for the hills when faced with a little opposition.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Disappointing. That should have been left online. Wonder what happened. 
I'd have called his bluff. Leave it up. Too bad for him her or anyone else who is offended.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

SIGH
If it was the truth he had nothing to worry about.
:slap::slap:
Well his w will soon lose respect for as expected and this m will be over.
Too bad.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I just looked at my cheaterville post of the XOM. 4,693,131 views (nearing 5 million) and 147,863 votes for a 4 start rating. Legally the only thing I would have to do if the XOM complained would be to remove his picture that I took off his FB page. Legally he owns that picture and I would have to remove it if he complained.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is this indicative as to why his wife picked the Posom over him in the first place? Taking his post down is tantamount to him putting his tail between his legs and getting back under the porch with the little dogs because he can't run with the big dogs.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

What was the name of the recent poster who got his wife's attention big time when OM was begging to have the listing taken down. OM then publish the names of relatives and he caved. Immediately, his wife lost interst in him.

The OM wrote he BH penis size and lack of sex drive.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

And this is another example of why women treat betas with so much disrespect- coz they lack a spine.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> And this is another example of why women treat betas with so much disrespect- coz they lack a spine.


This definitely offers an insight to the differing mindset of the 'Betrayed Husband' and the 'Other Man'.

BH has gotten co complacent and domesticated and happy with his lot, that his initial attitude, spine and edginess (if he had any, that is) have dropped-off and even worse, he doesn't know how to get them back.

OM is the exact opposite and goes for and takes what he wants. This isn't necessarily a good thing, but in the eyes of a wife/woman, it's paramount.

How many times have we seen the husband try and make some kind of 'stand' or 'man-up' or 'expose-the-OM'...only to back-down for whatever reasons, either due to pressure from his wife, her OM, or both?


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> What was the name of the recent poster who got his wife's attention big time when OM was begging to have the listing taken down. OM then publish the names of relatives and he caved. Immediately, his wife lost interst in him.
> 
> The OM wrote he BH penis size and lack of sex drive.


There was some guy currently in the Private Section who did exactly that (long thread, 1,000+ replies) but I'm not going to name the poster in case...it _isn't_ him!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

The home page of the family business states that the father is a man of God.
Wonder what he has to say about adultery?

My next CV post was going to be "don't let this POS take your wife to see some Real Estate."


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So, OP, please explain why you took the CV post down ?


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> He has never gone after Dig in any sense and he was a pretty big lawyer with a father who was mayor of a large NYC area for 20 years. If anyone was going to follow a lawsuit about CV, it would definitely be the xOM. I'm still waiting for his BS to post me and if she ever does, I'm prepared to live with it as a consequence of my actions. Truth is truth and not defaming. Even if it's posted in anger and pain.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So I read the original thread and I'm struggling to see where he can guarantee the guy left his job because of this. I see speculation, but no facts. I think it is nice to assume that Dig's revenge worked, but unless the OM had no balls at all, I doubt it went down like that. Just my opinion.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I gather that your wife wants you to take the CV post down because the OM might drag her name through the mud. Make her look bad.
> 
> She wan't worried about looking bad when she was having sex with someone other than her Husband though. If she doesn't understand why you would leave the CV post up, TO BAD. Tell her that it's part of the consiquences of her cheating on you.
> 
> ...


Or she didn't tell her H the whole truth.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> I just looked at my cheaterville post of the XOM. 4,693,131 views (nearing 5 million) and 147,863 votes for a 4 start rating. Legally the only thing I would have to do if the XOM complained would be to remove his picture that I took off his FB page. Legally he owns that picture and I would have to remove it if he complained.


Did you see my post in the other CV thread? I searched for four different people on CV and only one of them showed up after looking through seven pages of Google searches. I think people on TAM give CV way too much power and weight.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Did you see my post in the other CV thread? I searched for four different people on CV and only one of them showed up after looking through seven pages of Google searches. I think people on TAM give CV way too much power and weight.


Well it depends doesn't it?

If someone takes down the post when the POSOM pwns them it's not going to show up is it?

Get it out there and get the hit count up and it will.

Check out Chris 989's POSOM, Betrayedandblindsided's posom both show up on the first page.

Besides it doesn't matter if it shows up on a search if you email the link anonymously to the interested parties.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> So the OM wins. Again.
> 
> I wonder if your wife has a new found respect and admiration for her ex-lover now that he's put you in your place. Again.


yup!
Now the om wont be stressed when he starts banging the next married woman!

WEAK WEAK WEAK!!! And your wife, even if she wont admit it, will see it as weakness, and that her om won!!

And, whats up with the om STILL texting her??? Wonder how many texts they exchange that she does NOT show you???

This affair aint dead, more like on hold...even if she doesnt think so,:scratchhead:


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So I read the original thread and I'm struggling to see where he can guarantee the guy left his job because of this. I see speculation, but no facts. I think it is nice to assume that Dig's revenge worked, but unless the OM had no balls at all, I doubt it went down like that. Just my opinion.


Well, I guess because he was lead counsel at his office, something that he worked hard to achieve and pretty much held himself in high regard because of that title, there's no reason that he would've left that very well paid position to start selling electricity for an extremely small "green energy" power company.

Trust me, he constantly spoke of being partner and the money. After Dig sent the link to the top partners of the firm he suddenly changed professions. Coincidence? Maybe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

It's like confronting a WW/WH with half-hearted accusations: they can easily deflect it and take things deeper.

Same with Cheaterville - unless you actually nail the OM or OW _hard_, detailing as much as you possibly can about who they are, where they live, where they work, what they've been up to - you can cause some big damage.

But you can't mess about and be vague about it.


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## thismanhere (Jan 3, 2013)

Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Did you see my post in the other CV thread? I searched for four different people on CV and only one of them showed up after looking through seven pages of Google searches. I think people on TAM give CV way too much power and weight.


You really, really don't like the idea of people using Cheaterville.

Why is this the case?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> And, whats up with the om STILL texting her??? Wonder how many texts they exchange that she does NOT show you???
> 
> This affair aint dead, more like on hold...even if she doesnt think so,:scratchhead:


My take; you know why he still texting her. The gal was interested in something besides her old man and got the friend who was doing the brother to set her up. I had the same arrangement with a female friend who would set me up with married women. I'll guarantee this gal has lost interest in her "beta", go along to get along, husband and now he's proven to have no strength. Chances are the wife was vehemently fighting TMH because, like someone said, she hasn't told the whole story or, my belief, she's still occasionally warming up this cowboy's bed. I ain't trying to hurt anybody's feelings but I cut my teeth on situations like this. This gal is still in this tigers black book.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: cheatersville help*



thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


Are you in true R though?

Your wife still has contact with OM.

I mean, why isn't his number blocked on her phone? Do you know?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP. Not gonna beat on ya but tell you the methods to my madness.

Foremost. Take screenies of his text yesterday and SAVE them. You are in a war and never know when another gun is needed.

First let me explain who I am here. Think of me as head 007 here. Its something I kind of fell into taking over for some guy whose name I forget. I started taking notes on what worked and what did not. I got good at it. REALLY good at it. To date through my work here I have taken down 31 wife and 2 husband affairs. I have taken two phone calls of betrayed husbands on the verge of mental break downs and talked them back. I have done VAR work for ?10? here including 3 sex vars they could not bear to listen to providing transcripts/ overviews. (Hint dont listen to your wife having sex on a var ever. bad bad juju)

There was a reason I asked you about this guy and how he got your wife. Not really sure if he is a predatory player or a generic posom but predatory players occupy a special place of evil in this world. There are men, again I dont know if this guy is one who specifically target attached women. For some, they love cuckolding men. Others just love the safer sex.

My first introduction was RDMUs Bob (The diaries are coming folks RDMU is still on a massive work project and not doing tam stuff. He has my draft. lets not turn this into a RDMU thread) Bob has targeted AT LEAST 3 women into their first affairs. You see, men like him are experts at a process I call friending. They know what questions to ask or buttons to push. EVERY men like this talk to a woman every question they ask is a probe. They are looking for a weakness. In the case of your wife, having read thread 1 from last year, I rather doubt he had to probe hard. RTBPs OM is another and so is Phillyguy13s.

So let me ask. PM me if you wish. Did it go roughly something like this:? (YW=your wife)
AJ: Husbands not here?
YW: Hes at home.
AJ: Not cheering you on?
YW: Hes at home. frown
AJ: You know my last girfriend was a volleyball player. I was at all her games. <-- thats called a wedge. An indirect insult at you
AJ plays up the friend angle first. This is a process.
later
AJ: Hi YW you sure look good today?
YW: Thank you.
AJ: Did a big land deal today. <--- hes upping his status there vs you without mentioning you.
YW: Cool.
Time passes
AJ: YW you look hot today.
YW: a bit tentative but it feels good to her to be complimented, thank you
AJ: Lets FB friend
Time pssses
AJ: You looked hot today
YW no longer tentative because he has successfully pushed the boundary. Thank you. Its nice to be appreciated.
Time passes after a game. AJ alpha chimp steals a kiss then apologizes. Sorry you are just so hot.
Time passes. 
Sex

THIS was what I was getting at on my post yesterday. Was this roughly what he did?

Now let me explain why the CV post is important. Yes revenge is a delicious dish best served ice cold and is tremendous fun... CV has a much nobler purpose few here ever think about, even here they gloss over it.

Lets play hypothetical. Its 5 months from now. hes working on some other mans wife and its this day from above:

AJ: Lets FB friend

That same day. The husband of this woman sees his wife friend this azzhole. SOMETHING does not sit right. His gut goes off. He thinks. Isnt this that alpha chimp always talking to the women at the game? At this point its semi innocent so he sees her friending him.

He googles AJ and sees your CV post. Thinks "oh Fvck!" Goes all 007, finds inappropriate but it stopped at a bikini pic. He takes action. Instead of your affair post we have Phillyguy13's post. He c0ckblocks and yes after some tears on both sides shows her how inappropriate things are going. AJ is now no longer in the loop and has to start anew on another woman.

THe correct response to his text was this: You are REALLY going to go in front of a judge, tell him you screwed my wife and want me to not talk about it? REALLY. OKAY! See you in court.

To AJ: You mention escalation. Interesting word isnt it? There is an old idiom that goes: "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it." Did you know bing lists all your neighbors by name? Nice Linkedin. Nice website for your Real estate company. Nice reviews on Yahoo. Were in the bible belt. Wonder how many people wanna buy land from a man with a penchant for screwing other men's wives.

Escalation. Sounds like fun.

Oh and nice fight threat. Yep you are stronger than me...
physically
https://plus.google.com/+IGN/posts/Nv69qrAKn1W

Internet is a fun place huh?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

thismanhere said:


> That is what I am afraid of ThreeStrikes. His texts, to my wife no less, were:
> “Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
> “Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “
> I really think that these are empty threats, but my wife does not think so. I don’t know the guy, unfortunately she does.


A couple of things...

How is he able to text your wife? Shouldn't there be NC? Even if her number is important (ie. work related, etc.) it should have been changed. I wouldn't be standing for any contact with my wife. None.

Second, I briefly considered posting my ex wife on there way back when, but it also occurred to me that she (or the om) could return the favor just as easily. It doesn't seem hard to fake a posting over there, as you don't actually require proof (if I recall correctly). All you need is a name and a story.

Sites like that scare me, precisely for that reason. It's a potential relationship or career ruiner, if somebody simply doesn't like you.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You should not have put it up on the first place.

All you did was put this guy front and center back into your marriage.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP Im gonna ask a favor PM me if you are game.

I would like a bunch to ask a bunch of logistical questions. Most of it deals with the lead up portion from first contact through first sex. Sex questions are pretty much limited to numerical / date/ and yes no questions. Sex is really quite boring. Head to the sex section if you want 24/7 sex. 

These questions are logistical in nature and help me guide people through the probabilities their spouse is in affair and at what point along the process.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

thismanhere said:


> I need some quick advice. D day was a year and a half ago. I posted only the facts about the OM to cheatersville which included some screenshots of my WS facebook messages which included pics of the OM. He has now discovered this, says I have “defamed” him online with pictures, and has threatened to “retain an aggressive attorney” if I don’t take the post down. I know laws are different in each state (I’m in FLA) so I need your quick advice. Should I hide the post from the public or not? *I feel that if I take it down, he wins again!*





thismanhere said:


> *My reconciled wife thinks that if I don’t hide the post that the OM will drag her name thru the mud. We have not told the kids about the affair yet (or many people for that matter) and she is afraid of them finding out online.* *What a mess. I hate dealing with this again.*





thismanhere said:


> *It was only the facts. Even my wife who has seen the post agrees that it states only the facts.*





thismanhere said:


> *That is what I am afraid of* ThreeStrikes. His texts, to my wife no less, were:
> “Tell your weak husband that if he wants to meet and settle this like real men to bring it. Defaming me and posting pics online anonymously of me and my dad is out of line. Tell him this unless you cower to that coward.
> “Please tell your cowardly man that if that site is still up tomorrow morning or any similar things that he will no longer be anonymous. His name etc will be added as the author along with details of his criminal trespassing and criminal voyeurism. I will also be retaining an aggressive attorney. “
> *I really think that these are empty threats, but my wife does not think so. I don’t know the guy, unfortunately she does*.





thismanhere said:


> Long story, but *the OM’s brother was already having an affair with a friend’s WW. That is how my WW and the OM met.* I did not know any of this until D-day.





thismanhere said:


> *Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family.* Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! *If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different.* Thanks for all the advice.


OK lets start with an explanation of the colour coding above:

*BLUE =* _What your gut feel is telling you and what happens to be the right thing to do. After all, you put this CV up some time ago for a reason. What has changed ?_

*GREEN =* _What your real concerns are (translate this to what your weaknesses are). This is what you had to overcome and not succumb to._

*RED =* _What your wife wants for all the wrong and dubious reasons you can imagine and what has won out in the end. This begs the question why are you still with her/why are you in R ? She has not done any heavy lifting at all and as such, has not shown any real remorse. Its all about what she wants and she has got away with this scot-free! Be very aware of the fact that he still rocks her boat and watch out for a repeat performance in the not too distant future. I would watch my back with her if I was you. She is not "wife" quality and you can do a lot better!_

This whole episode has me perplexed - you started this thread with a valid question and with the right conviction. I am not sure where, along the way, you lost it but you did. Seriously reconsider being with you wife as she has not really supported you or actively shown remorse (not just said it) in any way throughout this. She has only protected herself and been quite disrespectful to you.

Good luck! Hope you learnt a tiny bit at least from this.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


I have to give you credit for coming back and answering to all that questioned why you took the CV post down.

I will join in with what Weightlifter said about the OM being pure bluff. I can kind of understand not wanting to muddy the waters if you feel your reconciliation is worth it, wife's name is in jeopardy, kids will be hurt, and in the end it is helpful.

You may feel differently down the road.

If you reconsider, think about a new CV profile, crop out dad's picture, and relate PURELY facts about what he has done. Things you can easily back up. (your first CV thing may have been just that, didn't see it.)

Anyway, like Weightlifter said, do you really think he wants to go to court, and admit to these deeds? As I said earlier, he will be opening himself up to all sorts of legal action from you. If you tell the truth, he has no defense, you would be in the position of power, not him.

By the way, his threats of getting physical are almost surely all bluff. He wouldn't blather on to others if he really had it in him. If he did come after you, then he'd really be in a barrel of hot water. You would own him.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


Here's the problem my man and Im telling you this for your own good. None of us here has a dog in this fight and we where trying to help you prevent a recurrence of the events. 
Like it or not, your old lady cozied up to this guy because she lost romantic interest in you. From my and a lot of other observation, women lose respect and interest in beta guys. From what most here conclude, youre a beta guy, always wanting to avoid conflicts (you call it drama) by willingly giving up a piece of yourself. 
I don't know what you think you're going accomplish by continuing the same behavior that caused your old lady to lose interest in you to begin with but it ain't going to end up favorable to you. 
Simply put, to avoid the drama as you put it, you are willing to look like a wimp. And this crap about "if it wasn't for the R". What the hell do you think an "R" is? Let me give you a clue. An R is where both parties offer up changes to fix the relationship that went south. Sounds like all you're after is for your behavior to remain unaltered with wifey poo not sharing herself with other guys. You're not coming across to us like a tower of strength so its unlikely others, including your WW, see you any different. Basically Dawg, she sees you as the same man she cheated on.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

when you hide a CV post does that mean he didn't take down but it is hidden from public view?
can he unhide it later?

I hate it when POSOM win

*heck I would even consider sending a check/money order to OP for legal expenses*

I can't bash him (OP) though


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

LOL the best thing to happen to the OP would be alpha chimp kicking his azz. He would net a nice car and a real estate company for his trouble.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


Ok, your call.

You are in the hot seat.

Not ragging on you but I don't understand why you bothered to put it up, if the first time OM growls at you it gets taken down.

Quick question, don't know if your wife reads this but lets face it she humiliated you by bonking AJ in the first place.

She has now humiliated you again by making you back down almost instantly on the CV post.

Is she even aware of the humiliation she is heaping on you?

does she have a plan as to how she is going to redress that humiliation?

Have you?


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


I am in R and my wife has been tempted to put OM and herself on cheaterville. She hasn't yet but I wouldn't complain if she did.

I have been tempted to put him on there. This might be a stupid reason but haven't because I feel I would be hurting the OM wife by association. If she Ds his a$$ then he!! yeah! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

thismanhere, you're wife is still in contact with her lover. You just killed the CV post, for her lover(she had you do it for him).

And you still think you're in R...

Good luck. You're gonna need it.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

OP, pm me the CV post. I'll upload it after changing it a little. If the OM wants to take me on, send him over to TAM.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Have wrangler or RTBP post it. I wanna see AJ ask to fight one of them.

I get the pay per view rights of AJ being beaten up.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Have wrangler or RTBP post it. I wanna see AJ ask to fight one of them.
> 
> I get the pay per view rights of AJ being beaten up.


Beat me to it.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

WhiteRaven said:


> OP, pm me the CV post. I'll upload it after changing it a little. If the OM wants to take me on, send him over to TAM.


Not really our fight to fight.

Somebody stepping in for TMH would make him seem weak.

Whatever he does, he needs to do for himself.

At least that is the way I look at it any way.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Cloaked said:


> I have been tempted to put him on there. This might be a stupid reason but haven't because I feel I would be hurting the *OM wife by association*. If she Ds his a$$ then he!! yeah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cloaked, your family survived infidelity. Another family may not. Would this be the OM's last A with a married woman? 

There may have been others who knew about the A but never told you or did anything to stop it. I can't speak for you, but I have been hurt by others' moral blindness. Unless a cheater is hit with consequences they would keep doing it again and again.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Well I've seen enough emasculation here time to move on.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

WyshIknew said:


> Not really our fight to fight.
> 
> Somebody stepping in for TMH would make him seem weak.
> 
> ...


I like bar brawls. Facing off a single POSOM- meh.

Having friends doesn't make a man weak. 

It's the OP's wish if he chooses to take mine or Sir WeighLifter's offer.

At least that is the way I look at it any way.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

davecarter said:


> This definitely offers an insight to the differing mindset of the 'Betrayed Husband' and the 'Other Man'.
> 
> BH has gotten co complacent and domesticated and happy with his lot, that his initial attitude, spine and edginess (if he had any, that is) have dropped-off and even worse, he doesn't know how to get them back.
> 
> ...


BTW, before anyone thinks I'm pointing-the-finger...I was _exactly _like the betrayed husband I described above, and if you read my original thread, you'll know why.

Looking back - pretty embarrassing.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well TMH, what is your next move?

You started your first thread last year and stopped posting without any resolution.

Are you going to do the same with this one?

There is a lot of help to be had here, posting and running will not help you.

Does your wife know how it felt for you to have to take down that CV post?

How does she feel about Mr Wonderful now following his threats to her and to you?

From your thread a year ago the family didn't know I think? I assume that they know now as you mentioned pressure from the family.


What did OM mean by criminal trespass and criminal voyeurism.

Why can he still text her?

Why didn't she tell him to feck off?


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Well TMH, what is your next move?
> 
> You started your first thread last year and stopped posting without any resolution.
> 
> ...


Cruel...but fair.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Not really our fight to fight.
> 
> Somebody stepping in for TMH would make him seem weak.
> 
> *Whatever he does, he needs to do for himself.*At least that is the way I look at it any way.


That's just it. He hasn't, isn't and probably never will.

Maybe the next time his wife steps out on him, he'll get up the nerve to fight back against her affair partner.... But I doubt it.

I'm sure his wife is relieved that he pulled the CV post though. It makes things a lot easier for her in the future...


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Put the Post back up now-this is not Alpha at all...you look weak here.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Don't forget guys we are dealing with a CSA survivor here who had a porn addiction and largely blames himself for the original failure of his marriage.

Life has done a number on him.


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Have wrangler or RTBP post it. I wanna see AJ ask to fight one of them.
> 
> I get the pay per view rights of AJ being beaten up.


What is this elementary school? Pay up $5 to fight a bully for someone. :rofl:

I wish my W's ex-boss was this ballsy.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


TMH, how has your wife responded to you taking the post down? Keep an eye on here and see if she is being the wife she should be. Is she bending over backwards to show her appreciation. Played right you may be able to save face. For example, tell her if he ever contacts either of you again, tell her you will post him again permanently with more details. Tell her you also know how to make it more widely read. Let her know her actions can also get him put back on cheaterville.

Read this book now http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-L...62264226&sr=1-1&keywords=married+man+sex+life


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Here is a post you need to print off and go over with your wife TOGETHER..............TOGETHER. Do not just give it to her to maybe read.

_Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.

The Sea of Stress is Difficult to Understand.

YOU BETRAYED YOUR PARTNER. NOW COMES THE FALLOUT.

They discovered your adultery. You ended the affair and promised you’ll never cheat again. But the stress from their emotional devastation lingers. And you don’t see much change – at least, not as much positive change as you expected. Many times, any visible changes are for the worse. You observe them bouncing back and forth like a ping-pong ball, moment to moment, from one emotion to the next. They’re unpredictable. There’s no discernable pattern. Their nerves are frayed. They can’t sleep. They can’t eat. Their thoughts are obsessive. Intrusive visions and flashbacks assault them without warning. They cry at the drop of a hat. They feel empty, used up, exhausted. The stress consumes their energy and their life until they feel like there’s nothing left. It’s terrible.

It’s an ordeal for you to witness their tortured, depressed and angry states, and what’s worse; you don’t know what to do. You’re not alone. Unfaithful spouses never dream they’ll get busted, so when confronted with their adultery they’re always caught by surprise; first by their partners’ knowledge, then by their intense agony. Indeed, unfaithful partners never think about what they’ll face “after” until after. The fact is: Though they inflict it, adulterers are unprepared for the onslaught of their spouses’ overwhelming emotional distress. Is this real? Is this permanent?

As you watch them sink lower and lower, wallowing in an emotional abyss, you wonder where the bottom is, when they will hit it, and if they will ever ascend from it and return to “normal.” You ask yourself, “Is this real?” Then you ask, “Will this ever end?”

The simple answers are: Yes, it is real. And, yes, it will end. But recovery takes a long time, often years, and much depends on you. Can you be remorseful, apologetic, loving, patient, empathetic and soothing over an extended period of time? Can you commit to openness and honesty at all times – and forevermore being faithful to your spouse?

Be honest with yourself: If you can’t or don’t want to get over your affair, if you don’t feel shame and remorse, and if you can’t generously provide appropriate support to your spouse, then now is the time to consider ending your marriage and spare your marital partner further pain. (If this is the case, you need not read any further.)

But if you have put the affair permanently behind you, if you feel and can freely express your remorse and shame for your unfaithfulness, and if you can commit to supporting your spouse through their excruciating anguish, then you have an excellent chance of rebuilding from this disaster you’ve wrought to a happy, satisfying, caring and loving marriage. The following is intended to help you help your partner, and in turn yourself, through this horrible time and jumpstart your journey to recovery.

So, take a couple of deep breaths… and let’s start with three foundational facts:

What you’re seeing in your spouse is a normal reaction to a life-changing event.

Your spouse needs to grieve for as long as it takes in order to recover and heal.

You can be a positive influence on their recovery.

Now, go back and reread them several times. Let them really sink in. When you can repeat them without looking, continue.

Your first mission is to learn.

Learning about your partner’s myriad reactions to your betrayal allows you to recognize, understand and properly respond to them as they occur. Doing so will help you get through
this horrible initial stage, which can last a long time.
Below you’ll find a little of what your spouse is probably experiencing. They may shift from one reaction to another, or they could experience multiple reactions concurrently. And don’t be surprised if they return to previous states many times. Where applicable, we’ve added some tips to help you to assist your partner through this. In some cases, however, there may be little for you to do except to simply “be there.”

Most importantly, remember at all times: Your infidelity has traumatized your spouse. Act accordingly.

SECTION 1 - THE WILD PATCHWORK OF EMOTIONS

DISBELIEF: They expect to wake up any minute from this nightmare. It can’t be true. They don’t believe it. This is natural. They trusted you and don’t want to believe you did what you did. It is common for this to occur in the very first moments of discovery. (Note: If some time elapsed between the discovery of your affair and the confrontation, you may have missed this when it happened, but it is also possible for your spouse to return to disbelief.)

SHOCK: They are numb and often seem dazed. Their emotions are frozen. Their senses are dulled. They go through the motions mechanically, robotically, but can’t seem to apply sufficient concentration to their day-to-day lives.

REALITY: “Oh my God. It really happened.” They feel they’re getting worse. Actually, reality has just set in. It’s as if a ton of bricks just fell on them and they’re buried beneath them. They don’t know where to turn, or can’t. Don’t discount the likelihood that they feel shamed by your infidelity. So, they may be reluctant to seek support from friends and family. Be available to them for emotional support and encourage them to talk freely with anyone they choose. Suggest therapy as a means to help them through their trauma, but never accuse them of “being irrational” or “acting crazy.” Be supportive and encouraging. Commend them for seeking help.

CONFUSION: They’re disoriented. They can’t think straight. They become impatient, disorganized and forgetful. More frequently than usual they go to a room to retrieve something, but once they get there they can’t remember what it was. This is very upsetting to them. Bear with them. Be gentle and be helpful. Help them find their misplaced purse or locate their lost keys. Know that they will eventually come out of the fog. Also be aware that their confusion, as with other states listed here, may be set off or magnified by certain “triggers.” (Note: Read more about “triggers” below.)

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS: They may sleep or eat too little – or too much. They may suffer physical aches and pains, numbness or weakness. They may feel unusually tense and develop headaches, abnormal tics, twitching or shaking. They may feel sick to their stomach and vomit, or their digestive system may react with constipation or diarrhea. Weight loss is common. Usually the symptoms fade gradually. If these symptoms persist, make sure they check with a doctor to rule out other causes. Encourage them to eat well and to exercise – but don’t nag. You might instead take control of their diet by preparing healthy, well balanced meals. If you don’t cook, take them to restaurants where you know they serve nourishing food and, if necessary, order for them. If they’re not exercising, initiate taking long walks together. It’s a good way to ease them into a healthy exercise regimen, which is always a good stress reliever, and will provide opportunity for you to begin constructively re-establishing your “couplehood.”

CRYING: Deep emotions suddenly well up, seeking release as crying, uncontrollable sobbing and even screaming out loud. Allow them their time for tears. They can help. So can you. When they cry, give them your shoulder. Hug them. Help them through it by gently encouraging them, to “get it all out.” Be certain to verbalize your remorse for causing their pain. They need to hear this from you. (Note: Right now, genuine, complete and repeated apologies are the best “general use” tool you have in your repair kit. That is why you’ll see many more references below. Read “Apologize” in Section 2.)

SELF-CONTROL: They control their emotions to fulfill their responsibilities, or to simply rest from the pain. Self-control can shape and give rhythm to their grieving, but be on the lookout for constant and rigid self-control. It can block healing. They need to reduce their emotional pressure to regain equilibrium. Allow them to vent when it happens. Be aware: Too much self-control means they are storing up much anger and will release it powerfully, like floodwaters breaking through a dam. So don’t be alarmed if they suddenly lash out at you, your affair partner, or even themselves. Understand that the release of anger is necessary to heal. Though it may not feel this way to you when it happens, it’s beneficial.

NEED TO KNOW: They will ask lots of questions. Their curiosity may be insatiable or it may be limited. Different people have different needs and tolerances for information, but they need information to process their trauma, move through it, and move past it.

Let them set the agenda. Whenever they ask a question, whatever they ask, answer honestly and sufficiently. Refusing to answer gives the appearance that you’re still keeping them in the dark, that you still have something to hide. Do not hold anything back. If they discover later that you omitted or hid details, or if the facts they discover don’t match the story you tell, they’ll feel betrayed once again. Follow the delivery of each new piece of hurtful information with an apology, and soothe them with another promise that you’ll never again be unfaithful.

WHY: They ask, “Why did you do this?” They may or may not expect an answer, but they ask repeatedly. If they do want an answer, provide it – and answer honestly. Even if the question is rhetorical, be aware that the question itself, rhetorical or not, is a cry of pain. And each time they feel pain, it should be answered with another apology. (I can’t stress enough how important this is.) Be aware: Even if they are not verbalizing this to you, they are still silently asking the question “Why?” over and over and over again.

INJUSTICE: They feel it’s all so unfair. You invited danger, you took the risk, but they suffered injury. They want justice and begin to think like a vigilante. They may harbour a secret desire to do harm to you or your affair partner. They may want to get even by having a “revenge affair.”
Understand that the aftermath of your unfaithfulness is an agony you have thrust upon them. Meanwhile, despite your betrayal and deceit, and the shame you feel, you and your affair partner may retain fond or even loving memories of your affair. One of my patients described her feelings of injustice this way: “I feel like a rape victim watching helplessly as the jury returns a ‘not guilty’ verdict. Then, the assailant looks at me, points his finger at me and laughs all the way out of the courtroom. How can this possibly happen?”

A sad truth of infidelity is: It is unfair. Of course, there is no “justice” that can come from this. Betrayed spouses generally settle into this realization on their own, but they need to know that you understand how this plagues them. (Note: Read “Share your feelings of guilt and shame” in Section 2. It explains the best way to help them through their sense of injustice.)

INADEQUACY: Their self esteem is shattered. They feel belittled, insignificant, and often even unlovable. Just as you would crumple a piece of scrap paper and toss it in the garbage without a second thought, they feel you crushed them, discarded them, and didn’t give them a second thought, either. So, they question their own value. They wonder if you truly love them – or if anyone could. They need to know why you now choose them over your affair partner, even if they don’t ask. Make your case convincingly. Be generous, but be genuine. They’ll know if you aren’t, and false flattery for the purpose of mere appeasement will only hurt them more.

REPEATING: Over and over again, they review the story, thinking the same thoughts. Do not attempt to stop them. Repeating helps them to absorb and process the painful reality. You can help them get through it by answering all their questions truthfully and filling in all the gaps for them. The more they know – the more they can repeat the complete story – the faster they process it, accept it and begin to heal. If the story remains incomplete or significant gaps are filled in later, they may have to start the process all over again.

IDEALIZING: Sometimes they remember only good memories, as if their time with you was perfect. They long to live in the past, before the affair came along and “messed it up.” Assure them that you, too, remember the good times, and want things to be good again. Remind them that you want an even better future, that you are willing to work at it, and, most importantly, that you want your future with them – and not your affair partner.

FRUSTRATION: Their past fulfillments are gone. They haven’t found new ones yet and don’t seem interested in finding any. They feel they’re not coping with grief “right” or they feel they should be healing faster. They don’t understand why the pain returns again and again. They wonder if they will ever recover and feel better. You can help them by verbalizing what they need to hear even if you don’t or can’t fully understand it yourself. Be empathetic and assure them that under the circumstances they’re doing okay. Remember that despite how much you have hurt them, you are still the one they chose as their life partner, for better or for worse. You may still be their closest confidante. As incongruous as it may seem, don’t be surprised if they choose to confide in you over others.

BITTERNESS: Feelings of resentment and hatred toward you and your paramour are to be expected. Don’t be surprised if they redirect much of the anger that’s really meant for you toward your paramour. This is natural. It’s actually a way of protecting their love for you during the early stages. By restricting their anger toward you, they allow it to be time-released, and only in smaller, more manageable amounts. Expect their anger to surface periodically, and give them plenty of time to work through it so they can eventually let go of it. Understand that until they’ve worked through and exhausted their anger, they cannot heal.

WAITING: The initial struggle is waning, but their zest for life has not returned. They are in limbo, they are exhausted and uncertain. Indeed, life seems flat and uninteresting. They are unenthused about socializing, perhaps reluctant, and they are unable to plan activities for themselves. Help them by finding ways to stimulate them. Plan activities for them around things that hold their interest and bring joy back into their life.

EMOTIONS IN CONFLICT: This is one of the most difficult manifestations because there is so much going on at the same time and their feelings do not always synchronize with reality. The most succinct description was provided by the late Shirley Glass, PhD: “One of the ironies of healing from infidelity is that the perpetrator must become the healer. This means that betrayed partners are vulnerable because the person they are most likely to turn to in times of trouble is precisely the source of their danger.” The inherent conflict for a betrayed spouse is obvious, but Dr. Glass also recognized how difficult this balancing act can be for a repentant adulterer: “On the other hand, [unfaithful] partners sometimes find it hard to stay engaged with their spouses when they know they are the source of such intense pain.” The key, of course, is to stay engaged nonetheless. Be supportive and remorseful, and above all… keep talking.

TRIGGERS: Particular dates, places, items and activities can bring back their pain as intensely as ever. It feels like they’re caught in a loop as they relive the trauma. It is emotionally debilitating.

Triggers can cause days and nights of depression, renew anger, and can spark and reignite nightmares, which may make them fear sleeping. Triggers can cause them to question if they will ever again experience life without the anguish. Get rid of all the reminders immediately: Gifts, letters, pictures, cards, emails, clothing… whatever your spouse associates with your affair. Do this with your spouse so they are not left wondering when those triggers may recur. Never cling to anything that bothers your partner. It leaves the impression that your keepsakes and mementos, or any reminders of your affair, are more important to you than they are.

Attend to your partner. Learn what dates, songs, places, etc., are triggers for your partner. Pay attention to your environment: If you hear or see something that you think might be a trigger, assume it is. Each occasion a trigger arises is an appropriate moment for you to communicate a clear and heartfelt message that you’re sorry you acted so selfishly and caused this recurring pain. So again, apologize and let them know how much you love them. The occurrence of a trigger is also a good opportunity to express that you choose them and not your affair partner, which is important for them to hear. If a trigger occurs in public, you can still wrap your arm around your spouse’s waist or shoulder, or simply squeeze their hand, but verbalize your apology as soon as you are alone again.

It is very important for you to understand and remember this… Triggers can remain active for their entire life. Don’t ever think or insist that enough time has passed that they should be “over it” because another sad truth of infidelity is: Your affair will remain a permanent memory for them, subject to involuntary recall at any time – even decades later. They will NEVER be “over it.” They simply learn to deal with it better as they heal, as you earn back their trust, and as you rebuild your relationship – over time.

SECTION 2 - WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO TO EASE THEIR PAIN & RELIEVE THEIR STRESS?

Make certain you’ve killed the beast: Your affair must be over, in all respects, completely and forever. You cannot put your marriage in jeopardy ever again. Your spouse has given you a second chance that you probably don’t deserve. That may sound harsh, but think about it this way: Despite any marital problems the two of you experienced, you would certainly understand if they divorced you solely because of your adultery. So assume there will not be a third chance and behave accordingly.

This opportunity you have been bestowed is a monumental gift, particularly considering the anguish you caused them. Treat this gift, and your spouse, with care and due respect: No contact means NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND – EVER.

GET INTO THERAPY: Most attempts to heal and rebuild after infidelity will fail without the assistance of a qualified therapist. Make certain you both feel comfortable with the therapist. You must trust them and have faith in their methodology. Talk about it: If of you are uncomfortable with your therapist at any time, don’t delay – find another. And if need be, yet another. Then stick with it. Save particularly volatile topics for counselling sessions. Your therapist will provide a neutral place and safe means to discuss these subjects constructively. Every so often, think back to where you were two or three months earlier. Compare that to where you are now and determine if you’re making progress. Progress will be made slowly, not daily or even weekly, so do not perform daily or weekly evaluations. Make the comparative periods long enough to allow a “moderate-term” review rather than “short-term.” Expect setbacks or even restarts, and again… stick with it.

APOLOGIZE: Actually, that should read: “Apologize, apologize, apologize.” You cannot apologize too often, but you can apologize improperly. Apologize genuinely and fully. Betrayed spouses develop a finely calibrated “insincerity radar.” A partial or disingenuous apology will feel meaningless, condescending or even insulting, particularly during the months following discovery. Your spouse will feel better if you don’t merely say, “I’m sorry.” To a betrayed spouse that sounds and feels empty. Try to continue and complete the apology by saying everything that’s now salient to your partner: “I’m ashamed I cheated on you and I’m so very sorry. I know that my lying and deceiving you has hurt you enormously. I deeply want to earn back your trust – and I want so much for you to be able, some day, to forgive me.” As noted earlier, right now genuine, complete and repeated apologies are the best “general use” tool you have in your repair kit.

REALIZE YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO FEEL BETTER: There is so much they have to deal with – pain, anger, disappointment, confusion and despair. Their being, their world, is swirling in a black hole of negative feelings. It’s agonizing. They wish it would stop, but they feel powerless to make it go away, which worries them even more. Remember that they can’t help it: Just as they didn’t choose for this to happen, they don’t choose to feel this way. Beyond all the possible feelings described in the section above (and that list may be incomplete in your spouse’s case), even if they don’t understand them, they do recognize that changes are occurring in themselves – and they are frightened by them. As terrible as it is for you to see their ongoing nightmare, it is far worse to live in it. Periodically assure them that you know they will get better, that you are willing to do everything necessary for them to heal and to make your marriage work. Reassure them that you are with them for the duration – no matter how long it takes – and that you intend to spend the rest of your life with them.

HIDE NOTHING, OPEN EVERYTHING: While they’re greatly angered and hurt that you were emotionally and/or sexually involved with another person, they are even more devastated by your secret life, your lies and deception. They feel no trust in you right now – and they’re 100% justified. If ever there was someone in the world they felt they could trust, it was you – until now. Now, they have difficulty believing anything you say. They are driven to check up on everything. Let them. Better still, help them. Overload them with access. The era of “covering your tracks” must end and be supplanted by total and voluntary transparency.

You must dismantle and remove every vestige of secrecy. Offer your spouse the passwords to your email accounts – yes, even the secret one they still don’t know about. Let them bring in the mail. If you receive a letter, card or email from your paramour, let your spouse open it. If you receive a voice or text message on your cell phone, let them retrieve it and delete it. If your friends provided alibis for you, end those friendships. Do not change your phone bill to a less detailed version or delete your browser history. Provide your spouse with your credit card bills, bank account statements, cell phone bills and anything else you think they might wish to check. Immediately tell them if you hear from or accidentally run into your affair partner. Tell them where you are going, when you’ll be home, and be on time. If your plans change, notify them immediately.

The more willing you are to be transparent, the more honesty and openness they see and feel, the more “trust chits” you’ll earn. Replacing your previously secret life with complete openness is the fastest and most effective way to promote trust, even if it feels unfair or uncomfortable. Think of this as the “reverse image” of your affair: Your affair was about you selfishly making yourself feel good. Now, rebuilding trust is about selflessly making your partner feel safe with you – and you were certainly unfair to them. Keep in mind that eventually they will trust you again, but you must earn it and it will take time.

SPEND LOTS TIME WITH THEM: Assume that they want your company at all times. The more time you spend in their sight, the more they will feel a sense of safety, if only for that time. There may be times when you feel they’re a constant, perhaps even an annoying presence. Just remember that they need to be around you – more than ever. If they need time alone, they’ll let you know and you must respect that, too. Knowing where you are and who you are with reduces worry, but expect them to check up on you. Don’t take offence when this happens. Instead, welcome the opportunity: Think of each time – and each success – as receiving a check mark in the “Passed the Test” column. The more check marks you earn, the closer you are to being trusted again.

PHYSICAL CONTACT: They may or may not want to be sexual with you. If not, allow sufficient time for them to get comfortable with the idea of renewed intimacy and let them set the pace. But if so, don’t be discouraged if the sex is not optimum. They’re likely to be low on confidence and may feel self-conscious or inept. They may even act clumsily. This can be offset by lots of simple, soothing physical gestures such as hugging them, stroking them softly and providing kisses. You might try surprising them sexually. Try something new. Choose moments when they don’t expect it – it can feel fresh again. On the other hand, don’t be surprised if their sexual appetite and arousal is unusually heightened as some partners experience what’s called ‘Hysterical Bonding.’ Also be aware that during lovemaking they may suffer intrusive thoughts or mental images of you and your affair partner, so they may suddenly shut down or even burst into tears. Again, apologize for making them feel this way. Express that you choose them – and not your affair partner. Reassure them by emphasizing that they are the only one you truly want.

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SHAME: If you exhibit no shame or guilt for hurting them, they’ll wonder if you’re truly capable of being sensitive, caring or even feeling. They may see you as callous and self-absorbed, and question if it’s really worth another try with you. But if you’re like most people who have badly hurt someone you truly love, then you certainly feel shame and guilt, though verbalizing it may be hard for you. Of course, some people do find it difficult to express these feelings, but try. You’ll find it provides a great sense of relief to share this with your partner. Moreover, do not fail to realize is how vitally important it is for your partner to hear it, to feel it, to see it in your eyes. It’s a building block in the reconstruction of trust and the repair of your marriage. Do not underestimate the power of satisfying their need to know that you are disappointed in yourself. Your opening up about this will help them feel secure again, help them to heal, and help you heal, too.

LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR CHOICE TO RECOMMIT: You probably think this is obvious, but to your betrayed partner, precious little is obvious anymore. They will wonder about this. Do not make them guess, and do not make them ask. Just tell them. If it doesn’t seem to come naturally at first, it may help if every now and then, you ask yourself, “If they had betrayed me this way, would I still be here?” (Most of us would answer, “No,” even if we can’t imagine being in that position.) When people give second chances to others, they really want to know that it’s meaningful to, and appreciated by, the recipient. So, express your thanks. Tell them how grateful you are for the opportunity to repair the damage you’ve done and rebuild your marriage. You’ll be surprised how much this simple, heartfelt act of gratitude will mean to them, and how it helps to re-establish the bond between you.

HERE’S A GREAT TIP: You will find it’s particularly meaningful to them when they’re obviously feeling low, but they’re locked in silence and aren’t expressing it to you. Just imagine… In their moments of unspoken loneliness or despair, you walk up to them, hug them and say, “I just want you to know how grateful I am that you’re giving me a second chance. Thank you so much. I love you more than ever for this. I’ve been feeling so ashamed of what I did and how much pain I caused you. I want you to know that I’ll never do anything to hurt you like this – ever again. I know I broke your heart and it torments me. I want you to know your heart is safe with me again.”

These are beautifully comforting words, particularly when they’re delivered at such a perfect
moment. You can memorize the quote, modify it, or use your own words, whatever is most
comfortable for you. The key is to include, in no particular order, all six of these components:

A statement of gratitude.

An expression of your love.

An acknowledgment of your spouse’s pain.

An admission that you caused their pain.

An expression of your sense of shame.

A promise that it will never happen again

Unfaithful spouses I’ve counselled often report that this most welcome surprise is the best thing they did to lift their partner’s spirits – as well as their own.

SECTION 3 - SO WHAT ARE THE NEXT STAGES, AFTER THEY WORK THROUGH ALL THEIR GRIEF, PAIN AND STRESS?

HOPE: They believe they will get better. They still have good days and bad days, but the good days out balance the bad. Sometimes they can work effectively, enjoy activities and really care
for others.

COMMITMENT: They know they have a choice. Life won’t be the same, but they decide to actively begin building a new life.

SEEKING: They take initiative, renewing their involvement with former friends and activities. They
begin exploring new involvements.

PEACE: They feel able to accept the affair and its repercussions, and face their own future.

LIFE OPENS UP: Life has value and meaning again. They can enjoy, appreciate, and anticipate events. They are willing to let the rest of their life be all it can be. They can more easily seek and find joy.

FORGIVENESS: While the memory will never leave them, the burden they’ve been carrying from your betrayal is lifted. Given what you have done, the pain it caused them and the anguish they lived through, this is the ultimate gift they can bestow. They give it not only to you, but to themselves. Be grateful for this gift – and cherish it always.

Rejoice in your renewed commitment to spend your lives together in happiness. Celebrate it together regularly! 
_


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Chap, that was a wonderful post. Thank you so much for that. I honestly wish that i could have read that two years ago. It may have helped me help Dig a bit better.

Thank you. Because it's never too late to use this information.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

thismanhere said:


> Sorry to disappoint, but I hid the CV post to avoid the drama with RS and family. Call me what you like, I’ve heard it all before! If I wasn’t in R, outcome would be different. Thanks for all the advice.


And another satisfied customer leaves TAM.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> You see, men like him are experts at a process I call friending. They know what questions to ask or buttons to push. EVERY men like this talk to a woman every question they ask is a probe. They are looking for a weakness. In the case of your wife, having read thread 1 from last year, I rather doubt he had to probe hard. RTBPs OM is another and so is Phillyguy13s.
> 
> So let me ask. PM me if you wish. Did it go roughly something like this:? (YW=your wife)
> AJ: Husbands not here?
> ...


This only works when a wife isn't happy.
And an unhappy wife means an awry, lopsided marriage.
Husband isn't meeting wife's 'needs', either emotionally or physically.
And to be fair, _all _man should be able to pick up on these signals off any woman.

From personal experience, it's because at work:
a) it happened to me last year twice, and
b) it's happening to me _now_.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So you let the OM humiliate you one more time.huh?


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

i just think he needs to change his nick. 
few words for a good intender.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> So you let the OM humiliate you one more time.huh?


Nothing To See Here - Naked Gun - YouTube


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> Well, I guess because he was lead counsel at his office, something that he worked hard to achieve and pretty much held himself in high regard because of that title, there's no reason that he would've left that very well paid position to start selling electricity for an extremely small "green energy" power company.
> 
> Trust me, he constantly spoke of being partner and the money. After Dig sent the link to the top partners of the firm he suddenly changed professions. Coincidence? Maybe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough, but it still is speculation. Perhaps he left because of this, but it wouldn't explain why he left the profession entirely. It makes more sense that he wanted to change his life after what happened. But again, a BS wants to believe that Cv is very effective.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Well it depends doesn't it?
> 
> If someone takes down the post when the POSOM pwns them it's not going to show up is it?
> 
> ...


So, let me get this straight. A BS is going to "move on" by trying to follow every possible job interview the OM is going on, so he can contact the company with an email? That seems beyond obsessive and unhealthy. Besides that, it is impossible. 

I just add that I'm pretty sure repeatedly trying to keep someone from getting a job is harassment. They can track emails, even anonymous ones. And if the OM had any sense he would do the exact same to the WW.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So, let me get this straight. A BS is going to "move on" by trying to follow every possible job interview the OM is going on, so he can contact the company with an email? That seems beyond obsessive and unhealthy. Besides that, it is impossible.
> 
> I just add that I'm pretty sure repeatedly trying to keep someone from getting a job is harassment. They can track emails, even anonymous ones. And if the OM had any sense he would do the exact same to the WW.


Where did I say anything about obsessively following?

If you're going to quote me at least comment on my post accurately and don't make rubbish up.

So the AP partner is going to put the WS up too?

:rofl: That should make good reading. Just want to inform everyone that this skanky woman (or man) Mrs Lucy Lastic had an affair with an opportunistic arse wipe, me, and betrayed their partner.

Would seem to me to be more fuel for the BS to club them with. Yet another email link to their employers, church whatever.

And if you'd bothered to do any research into CV you would find that CV has an anonymous email link.

And yes, they might guess who sent it, so fricking what!

I have never advocated obsessively brooding. Do what you have to do and then walk away.

Of the two I would rather be in Dig's position than TMH.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Since this thread seems to be going nowhere at the moment, could someone tell me what Dig's full username was? Has seen lots of references to him, and was going to look up some of his threads.

Pretty crummy way to get entertainment these days, but curiosity is a killer.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> So the AP partner is going to put the WS up too?
> :rofl: That should make good reading. Just want to inform everyone that this skanky woman (or man) Mrs Lucy Lastic had an affair with an opportunistic arse wipe, me, and betrayed their partner.


It could be a lot more creative than that. Still, a lot of times you'll see a BS wanting to put the AP on Cheatersville but doesn't want to include the WW for whatever reason. In these cases, the AP would have some leverage to stop the posting or turn the heat way up.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So, let me get this straight. A BS is going to "move on" by trying to follow every possible job interview the OM is going on, so he can contact the company with an email? That seems beyond obsessive and unhealthy. Besides that, it is impossible.
> 
> I just add that I'm pretty sure repeatedly trying to keep someone from getting a job is harassment. They can track emails, even anonymous ones. And if the OM had any sense he would do the exact same to the WW.


One betrayed spouse did exactly that. The AP was a school superintendent or principal. Everytime he got a new job the BS would send the school board the details and get him fired. The poster used to post here a lot. Someone may remember who it was.

Why are you so anxious to discredit cheaterville?

If it only makes the BS feel better, its worth its weight in gold. Even in this case it worked great for a little revenge or the AP would not have freaked out.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

The biggest problem is that the OP sees his wife as superior to him and that he's a mess and she's there to fix him. This is never a winning dynamic for either partner, ever. The wife will _always_ lose respect, and therefore attraction, for a husband like this.

OP, PM me if you're interested in resolving your relationship dynamic. I know exactly what to do.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Forest said:


> Since this thread seems to be going nowhere at the moment, could someone tell me what Dig's full username was? Has seen lots of references to him, and was going to look up some of his threads.
> 
> Pretty crummy way to get entertainment these days, but curiosity is a killer.


SomedayDig
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Regret214 said:


> SomedayDig
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't seem to locate him. Maybe removed?

edit: Aha, not on the list, but google did the trick.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Forest said:


> Can't seem to locate him. Maybe removed?
> 
> edit: Aha, not on the list, but google did the trick.


lol, I have to use google to navigate the irs and state tax websites.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> One betrayed spouse did exactly that. The AP was a school superintendent or principal. Everytime he got a new job the BS would send the school board the details and get him fired. The poster used to post here a lot. Someone may remember who it was.
> 
> *Why are you so anxious to discredit cheaterville?*
> 
> If it only makes the BS feel better, its worth its weight in gold. Even in this case it worked great for a little revenge or the AP would not have freaked out.


Simply put, I disagree with revenge. 

I think the vast majority of BSs on this site have their anger directed at the wrong person. They want to "get revenge" on the OM/OW and ruin them, but they don't hold their partner/spouse to the same level of accountability, which is absolutely ridiculous. I get the anger toward the OW/OM, but come on, your spouse was the one who made a promise, made a vow to you. They are the ones that lied and deceived you. If it wasn't this particular AP, if probably would have been another. If you have that much anger about the affair that you want to get "revenge" then you need to move on and get some counseling.

The men I respect, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, etc.. would never advocate for revenge like this. 

I also think that trying to get revenge actually keeps you from growing, healing, and moving on. Yeah, I know, I know there are several people on here who were "healed" after they got revenge. Know what I say about that? All they did was delay the actual healing process. There are people on this site plotting their revenge for YEARS. Seriously, get some professional help and move on.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Where did I say anything about obsessively following?
> 
> If you're going to quote me at least comment on my post accurately and don't make rubbish up.
> 
> ...


So please explain to me how a BS is going to be able to email a company that the AP is interviewing at. I mean, how will he know what company the AP is interviewing at? 

Or is the BS going to find out where the AP is hired and email every company he works for? Sorry, I would call that obsessive. 

And yes, the BS should absolutely nail the WW/WH. This getting revenge on the AP is f*cking ridiculous. Seriously. Do people really think that the BS only had the affair because of the AP? Come on, at least be realistic.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Simply put, I disagree with revenge.
> 
> I think the vast majority of BSs on this site have their anger directed at the wrong person. They want to "get revenge" on the OM/OW and ruin them, but they don't hold their partner/spouse to the same level of accountability, which is absolutely ridiculous. I get the anger toward the OW/OM, but come on, your spouse was the one who made a promise, made a vow to you. They are the ones that lied and deceived you. If it wasn't this particular AP, if probably would have been another. If you have that much anger about the affair that you want to get "revenge" then you need to move on and get some counseling.
> 
> ...


If I were to do what you suggest, it would go against all the principles I believe in. To me what you suggest would be cowardly. A man going after my wife is a direct attack on me and my family. That will not go unpunished. 

Only about 15-20% of marriages survive after a wife's infidelity. I think that signifies wayward spouse pay a very high price. Letting the OM go would scott free would be me just being yellow.

We really cant go into what many men do when they find themselves facing infidelity because of political correctness. But there are instances of severe payback here. I see cheaterville as a very mild form of payback. After all, if a person chooses to cheat why shouldn't they be proud to wear that mantle?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW, MLK was a married pastor that banged many women reportedly, no?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So please explain to me how a BS is going to be able to email a company that the AP is interviewing at. I mean, how will he know what company the AP is interviewing at?
> 
> Or is the BS going to find out where the AP is hired and email every company he works for? Sorry, I would call that obsessive.
> 
> And yes, the BS should absolutely nail the WW/WH. This getting revenge on the AP is f*cking ridiculous. Seriously. Do people really think that the BS only had the affair because of the AP? Come on, at least be realistic.


You keep on making up stuff that I've said. Either that or you have a comprehension problem.

Where did I say on my post that the BS should do that?

If the AP is a church elder you can bet your arse I would let the church know about them.
I would let their current place of work know.
I would get my 'revenge' or whatever you want to call it, and then move on.

And both parties are at fault in my opinion.

In a drug deal do the police let the dealer go and arrest the user because he wouldn't deal if people didn't buy? They are both at fault. They both get punished.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Simply put, I disagree with revenge.
> 
> I think the vast majority of BSs on this site have their anger directed at the wrong person. They want to "get revenge" on the OM/OW and ruin them, but they don't hold their partner/spouse to the same level of accountability, which is absolutely ridiculous.


Again, I spoke to this level of thought earlier. You have absolutely no idea the level of anger I dealt with from Dig. For that matter you have no idea what ANY wayward deals with in any respect. It has been said time and time again, especially for those working on reconciliation, that it's counterintuitive to put the wayward on CV. Is that fair? Honestly, who cares? What matters is the betrayed spouses feelings. It's their decision in the end who to post for THEIR reasons. Not just because you don't agree.

As for me, I know the xOM's spouse could post my name on CV any day. And I would accept that as a consequence for my actions.

Just try stopping with the holier than thou attitude. It's pretty embarrassing to read and frankly it's condescending to the people who were betrayed and utilized the site as another outlet for their feelings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> Just try stopping with the holier than thou attitude. It's pretty embarrassing to read and frankly it's condescending to the people who were betrayed and utilized the site as another outlet for their feelings.


Regret, I think your posts are very valuable and provide a public service. I hope you don’t stop.

You're quite rare in your openness and honesty.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

TopsyTurvy5, Gandhi said the belowmentioned also -

"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence." 

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Decide where you stand.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> Regret, I think your posts are very valuable and provide a public service. I hope you don’t stop.
> 
> You're quite rare in your openness and honesty.


Thank you, Graywolf. However, in the beginning I was not so open. I was still woven into my self. I have grown a tremendous amount these past 2 years and as Dig said often here, "I hate how we got to this point, but I'm glad we're here now."

Openness and honesty is something I took from him a long time ago. I will do whatever I can from that horrific day he discovered things to make it up to him (and myself).


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Simply put, I disagree with revenge.
> 
> I think the vast majority of BSs on this site have their anger directed at the wrong person. They want to "get revenge" on the OM/OW and ruin them, but they don't hold their partner/spouse to the same level of accountability, which is absolutely ridiculous. I get the anger toward the OW/OM, but come on, your spouse was the one who made a promise, made a vow to you. They are the ones that lied and deceived you. If it wasn't this particular AP, if probably would have been another. If you have that much anger about the affair that you want to get "revenge" then you need to move on and get some counseling.
> 
> ...


Cheaterville is a warning. If someone has a man/woman coming on to them and they Google that person's name and their Cheaterville profile (with photo and evidence) comes up, then they'll be forewarned that their potential lover may not be all they claim to be.

You seem to have conflated several topics. Revenge, shouting out a warning to other potential victims and justice.

And I don't respect Gandhi. He was a vile racist, a promoter of violence when it suited his ends, a wily operator who used bribery and corruption to cover up a murder. Gandhi Behind the Mask of Divinity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> They can track emails, even anonymous ones. And if the OM had any sense he would do the exact same to the WW.


As a public service:
Public wifi + TOR browser + Hushmail = anonymous, untraceable email. 

Possibly the NSA would have a way to trace that, but no one else.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Following this OM to job interviews is not smart. He could call the Police and have you arrested. Be smart. Play it from the outside. Do not contact him directly in person (yet).....

Put the add back up-you owe it to yourself my friend


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Fordsvt said:


> Following this OM to job interviews is not smart. He could call the Police and have you arrested. Be smart. Play it from the outside. Do not contact him directly in person (yet).....
> 
> Put the add back up-you owe it to yourself my friend


Actually these days you get beat him to his job interview.

And here's how it works:-

"Underling, how did the website searches on the applicants for the job go?"

"Very well, sir. Most came up OK, but we got one on a deadbeat dad's list, one on a sex offender's register, one has a criminal record she forgot to tell us about, and one on Cheaterville.com."

"Thanks! Send those four the standard "thanks, but no thanks" letter and we'll arrange times to interview the others."


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Fordsvt said:


> Following this OM to job interviews is not smart. He could call the Police and have you arrested. Be smart. Play it from the outside. Do not contact him directly in person (yet).....
> 
> Put the add back up-you owe it to yourself my friend


In this case, unlikely.

OM is running his father's real estate business.

I imagine that gives him plenty of time and opportunity to meet married women when viewing land together.

And if we take OP's post as fact OM and his brother have a penchant for married women.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Forest said:


> Since this thread seems to be going nowhere at the moment, could someone tell me what Dig's full username was? Has seen lots of references to him, and was going to look up some of his threads.
> 
> Pretty crummy way to get entertainment these days, but curiosity is a killer.


I doubt we'll hear much from him anymore.

I don't think that enough of us agreed with his choice to fold to his WS and the OM on taking down the CV post.

I also think that he's the willing victim of a bad case of "P':whip: ing".

But I'm sure all involved think that he's a nice guy though.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I doubt we'll hear much from him anymore.
> 
> I don't think that enough of us agreed with his choice to fold to his WS and the OM on taking down the CV post.
> 
> ...


Your likely right. I hope he does come out of it and listen to some of what were telling him. 
Mr "Nice Guy " strikes again. It always brings me back to the book! It's so friggin true......


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Does posting the CV link somewhere like here - then having people go rate up the story - move up the post on Google results?

I know that somehow CV is able to get their posts prominent in Google, but not sure how it works.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Forest said:


> Does posting the CV link somewhere like here - then having people go rate up the story - move up the post on Google results?
> 
> I know that somehow CV is able to get their posts prominent in Google, but not sure how it works.


It is done by magic. Or SEO as experts call it! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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