# Constant feeling of the grieving process



## myheartem1 (May 9, 2012)

I constantly feel like im going through denial, anger, and acceptance issues. My husband is constantly making me feel like the marriage is over after the dumbest fights. we have been married for over two years now and have 3 kids together. I moved myself 1000 miles away from home two years ago for money demands and now i feel stuck here so far from home. sometimes we cant even watch a movie together at home without it turning into a fight. sometimes over what movie to watch or the kids tick one of us off. but like tonight i told him i wasn't able to trust him just to be open and honest. and now he wont talk to me, he told me over and over how he doesn't want to be with me or wants this marriage anymore. i tried to tickle him to lighten spirits but he just gets more mad and keeps telling me to leave him alone while saying more hurtful things. And anytime we do fight he always tells me how i made him lose his friends and how i stop him from doing everything he ever wanted to do...i always am the one to apologize he always makes me feel like its MY fault and he can't stop bringing up stuff that happened six years ago. i always end up alone all night upset and he acts like hes pain free... i dont get it. it doesn't bother him at all to lose me and he will really ignore me while he sits on his phone using his " forums "..... i will say his name 10 times before he yells at me and says WHAT!!!! and ill ask if he heard me and he will b like im choosing not to!!! and i will tell him he's shutting me down inside making me unable to talk to him and he said " GOOD!!! " leave me alone!! " and again this is just tonight and frankly im sick and exhausted from talking to myself and writing to myself because im hurting and no one is there to listen or help me through this. does anyone have ANY advice as to what i can do PLEASE to feel sane and not so alone in this ?


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

My wife is in the process of leaving me. We've been together 13 years, and now the love is gone. This year has been a roller coaster of trying to come together and realizing we are falling apart. 
As not cool as it is, our divorce that is underway is like a dream compared to your situation. You need to progress through the end of this marriage for your own good.


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## sofeedup_50 (May 7, 2012)

i've been married for 20 years and we were so in love the frist maby 10 years ? any how i watch as our love faded and the companship left no commuation and it all started when she went to work at wally world. it ditten happen over night but we are like two people that just share a home, frist the bed room life left then everthing around did to. after she became friends with a coworker[ female] that she put in front of her family i tried to hold everthing together but well i give up. i been divorce before and it is alot better getting over that than in is to stay hurt all the time. wondering what going on. you sound like me in alot ways, but to say this now that her friend is getting married soon she has started including me/ family into her life again. but i think it's to late for us i put up with this for 8 years and now to me it's over. one thing i kow it's better to be on your own than to live with someone that makes you feel that away. my advice is to get out while you can. take the loss well your not loseing nothing but pain anyhow.


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## myheartem1 (May 9, 2012)

sofeedup_50 said:


> i've been married for 20 years and we were so in love the frist maby 10 years ? any how i watch as our love faded and the companship left no commuation and it all started when she went to work at wally world. it ditten happen over night but we are like two people that just share a home, frist the bed room life left then everthing around did to. after she became friends with a coworker[ female] that she put in front of her family i tried to hold everthing together but well i give up. i been divorce before and it is alot better getting over that than in is to stay hurt all the time. wondering what going on. you sound like me in alot ways, but to say this now that her friend is getting married soon she has started including me/ family into her life again. but i think it's to late for us i put up with this for 8 years and now to me it's over. one thing i kow it's better to be on your own than to live with someone that makes you feel that away. my advice is to get out while you can. take the loss well your not loseing nothing but pain anyhow.



haha im definitely not liking all these responses although only two so far, its hard to endure. he just told me don't expect me to change my mind because he finally stopped being a prick. like its almost as if i look at him like he's always right and im wrong like he is god or something and im supposed to kiss his booty all the time just to make our situation better. see we barely get out as it is so i can honestly say thats probably damaged our relationship the most, that no one will ever baby sit so we hardly get time alone together ... everythings just slowly falling apart and he says " don't u remember when i tried the first 3 years and then i gave up and we switched roles??? " he admitted it himself, hes stopped trying and he isn't going to anymore. i just dont know how to take him THAT serious since he almost all the time says sorry or gets over it.. and even if i wanted to get out right now.. i go to a university full time mom of 3... and he works! i dont talk to his family my family is 1000 miles away down south.. and i have no where else to go. I'd have to take out a serious loan or somehow come up with enough money to even leave.. because I for sure dont want to stay here in this state going through a divorce, COMPLETELY alone. I feel screwed either way i guess:/


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## myheartem1 (May 9, 2012)

mule kick said:


> My wife is in the process of leaving me. We've been together 13 years, and now the love is gone. This year has been a roller coaster of trying to come together and realizing we are falling apart.
> As not cool as it is, our divorce that is underway is like a dream compared to your situation. You need to progress through the end of this marriage for your own good.


Thanks for your reply. I just got done with another huge fight outbreak. And this is my first post ever on a forum so this brought a lot of relief to at least know someone is listening. I have one good fried but she lives so far away that I just can't seem to contact her when I need to. But this all is just Because I asked him to get the baby a bottle n get him a diaper but he said no so of course I did it . He refused n put his ear phones back on n started laughing at the movie he was watching , on his phone of course ignoring me again.. It's almost like he loves to look happy while I'm hurting this bad. I'm so young in my twenties , and I'm lost and maybe it is for the best to make this an official break and say the hell with it. I bought this book called women who love too much n I guess I'll start reading that... Seriously, all I wanted was a family. My family together not divorced. But it always comes back to this type of fight and we always say its not gonna happen again. Trust me, I don't want to endure the pain from a divorce but you said you have been going through your divorce pretty easily compared to this so my question is what do you do to block out the reality of it? Of losing someone you were so close to? I don't know how to lose someone especially who I share kids with and also moved so far away with .


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

myheartem1 said:


> I constantly feel like im going through denial, anger, and acceptance issues. My husband is constantly making me feel like the marriage is over after the dumbest fights. we have been married for over two years now and have 3 kids together. I moved myself 1000 miles away from home two years ago for money demands and now i feel stuck here so far from home. sometimes we cant even watch a movie together at home without it turning into a fight. sometimes over what movie to watch or the kids tick one of us off. but like tonight i told him i wasn't able to trust him just to be open and honest. and now he wont talk to me, he told me over and over how he doesn't want to be with me or wants this marriage anymore. i tried to tickle him to lighten spirits but he just gets more mad and keeps telling me to leave him alone while saying more hurtful things. And anytime we do fight he always tells me how i made him lose his friends and how i stop him from doing everything he ever wanted to do...i always am the one to apologize he always makes me feel like its MY fault and he can't stop bringing up stuff that happened six years ago. i always end up alone all night upset and he acts like hes pain free... i dont get it. it doesn't bother him at all to lose me and he will really ignore me while he sits on his phone using his " forums "..... i will say his name 10 times before he yells at me and says WHAT!!!! and ill ask if he heard me and he will b like im choosing not to!!! and i will tell him he's shutting me down inside making me unable to talk to him and he said " GOOD!!! " leave me alone!! " and again this is just tonight and frankly im sick and exhausted from talking to myself and writing to myself because im hurting and no one is there to listen or help me through this. does anyone have ANY advice as to what i can do PLEASE to feel sane and not so alone in this ?


Been there done that. I've had nobody to talk to for YEARS as my husband has been doing this [email protected] for so long it shut me down talking to him too.

Tell him to move out to he can experience what its like to "be alone".


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## myheartem1 (May 9, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Been there done that. I've had nobody to talk to for YEARS as my husband has been doing this [email protected] for so long it shut me down talking to him too.
> 
> Tell him to move out to he can experience what its like to "be alone".


yeahhh sounds nice but to live it and do this is a completely different story. i don't know if he'd miss me i think he would at times, but i think for the most part he would be ok and more content than anything... and i know i'd be a complete disaster. i think thats what eats at me the most is feeling like it wouldnt even matter to him if i was gone. like today he put his ring back on, imagine that... and he started telling me he loves me again. and he's back to his video games and didnt even talk about the fight from last night. and here i ammmm alone thinking about everything STILL. oohh what to do, what to do. :scratchhead:


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## myheartem1 (May 9, 2012)

benjen879 said:


> My GOD, this could've been written by me it is SO much like my scenario, let me tell you something. There is NOTHING wrong with you! He is unhappy (and not with you) with his life in general and instead of doing the mature thing and getting help for it and trying to improve himself, he is instead inflicting his anger onto you. I think "manly men" are the absolute worst about this type of behavior. Take it from me who has dealt with this exact same thing for 11 years, GET MARRIAGE COUNSELING, cus it will only get worse. We had tremendous progress in MC.
> 
> I'm sorry for your pain and frustration, I know how hard it is, believe me I really do and I empathize.


Thanks, nice to know im not the only one. But I HAVE tried counseling. I actually made the first move and called around and found a counselor and went a couple times, then i stopped going because 1. she told me " im overwhelmed with stress..." after 2 or 3 visits... and 2. My husband used it against me and said " you really are crazy. and 3. He won't go. He TRULY believes I am the problem to our issues. So i found another christian counselor whose a public speaker for marriage and she said it takes both of you here to make things work, and he wouldnt take the time to do it and made up excuses that maybe he will later on after i keep going.... so i just gave up trying the whole marriage counseling thing. and last night laying in bed... we didnt fight alllll day and as we are layin down he says im not sure yet what i want.... blah blah blah as in he doesnt know if wants me or not and he doesnt Blame me if i did not wanna wait around on his decision... which made me feel like crap. really makes me feel unloved when he cant even make up his mind if he wants to be with me


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## sofeedup_50 (May 7, 2012)

well i have stayed in this because of the kids now that there all out of school and going about there own lives it time for me to rethink everthing that has happen to us and I have and i hurt all over again, seem like she is trying to get our marrage back together again with me BUT all the time before i sit and try to talk to her about how we was falling apart she just stair down in the floor and bring up tears in her eyes and say it's all her faut. so i come away feeling like it my fault?? so i quit trying to have a heart to heart with her.and just go about my life, i told her i wanted the gril i married 20 years ago and her reply to that was i am older and that gril is gone, i dont get into things like i use too. sex is what she was taking about. but i was talking about everthing in our life.it seems to me after the 8 years of noting but her bening depress while she was here with me on her days off from work and not around her {friend}. or other people that she worked with. knowing she had to look at me on the weekends. idk what happen that she started to include me in on her life again but it funny as her best friend started dateing and going steddy and now getting married. she acts like notinng ever happen thru thoes years i was shut out of her life. but one thing for sure i know that reading some these post i got it better than you.but you need to weigh it all out. would you be happer getting out or staying in somthing that tearing your world apart eve time you see him??? cause i went thru this for 8 years no companship bening treated like everthing is my fault bening ignore, she would go day with out a kind word to me but talk and laugh and cut up with her friends but when we got to our selfs well it was back to depression.


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## sofeedup_50 (May 7, 2012)

one thing I know this wasent MY fault and I dont belive it your fault either. and it would be worth the price to get back home to family where your loved!!


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