# Woman who would like the opinon of Men, PLEASE!!



## MarineWife08 (Apr 17, 2009)

Hi,

My name is Isabella. My husband and I are going to have our first anniversary in about 2 weeks. Im not having major problems but I just do not get it?

I have never been married before, my entire life I have had 2 boyfriends, and I was a virgin when I met my husband. I love him, I do, but here is the issue.

I'm 24, never married
He is 38, twice divorced
1st one ended in 2 years
2nd one took all his money, seriously ALL OF IT!
BUT we have make love at least 4 times a week.
And I will not be his 3rd!!!!

So here is the issue, I was brought up in a wealthy,sheltered lifestyle, I was a pampered princess but I respected and loved everyone unlike my sisters and others who thought themselves better than everyone.By the way Im Muslim so yeah.

So I met my husband by accident and I would never have given him the time of day let alone my phone number yet I dont why I did and here we are married. But the problem was that he was older, white and Christan as i was young, middle eastern, and muslim. So big family conflict and i left my family and all that we got married in court quickly and moved here closer to his parents, however now after a year of living on pay check to pay check which i have gotten completly accustom to I just keep thinking...

I had dreamed of a beautiful wedding ever since i was young, but I will not ever have that, I mean is this it? Now i just keep going the way we are going have kids and thats it?

I never had an adventure or girl time vaction,so what happens next?? I never gave dating a chance? I ddin't do late night parties. Did I mess up and miss my youth?????


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

Wow. Well...were I him, and I read this, I'd be concerned. But it sounds like yall do have some tough odds to overcome. That's a pretty big age difference especially considering your youth and his past. Not to mention the difference in religons. That's pretty big.

But you are where you are so the question is now what? I think you should sit down with him and share your true feelings and talk it out. But you've got to address it now. Don't sit on this for years and years.

Good luck.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I may be way off, but my sense tells me that what drove you to marry this guy in the first place was probably far more about staking a claim on your independence, than it was out of love for him.

You contrast your personality as being very different from your sisters. (Assuming that they think you are absolutely nuts to limiting yourself in marrying a U.S. Marine) You chose to follow your heart over the wishes of your family. You abandoned everything you knew - all in the pursuit of love. You rebelled.

It's admirable. It makes for great movies. But it is apparent that you are already considering the longer term implications of your actions.

You made a choice. I'm not saying you made a bad choice. But by making a choice, you eliminate other choices. Based upon the choice you made, most of those other things you had hoped for, or considered are simply no longer available. If the prospect of dating, partying, and vacationing fills you with excitement, and the thought of getting a job, having kids, and at times struggling to make ends meet fills you with dread, you were *not* ready to be married. 

Regardless of what your circumstances are, choose happiness.


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## fly_guy (Mar 26, 2009)

This is a sad position to be in. My wife and I were married young (quite a bit younger than you.) I personally was in a much better position to be married than she. At the time we didn't realize this (we were young) and it was a shock to me when it started to become a huge issue in our marriage.

She felt she had lost out on all these things. We were a year into our marriage and we had a surprise baby. A beautiful baby girl. Take the random thoughts before hand, mix them with hormonal imbalance after pregnancy, and touch it off with some PPD: you had my wife. 

When all was said and done it came down to a choice. Do you live in the past or trust / live for the decision you made? Look the paycheck to paycheck thing could be fixed by quite a few ways. (My personal endorsement is Dave Ramsey who is a financial genius, in my opinion. He's helped my family a ton.)



> I had dreamed of a beautiful wedding ever since i was young, but I will not ever have that, I mean is this it? Now i just keep going the way we are going have kids and thats it?
> 
> I never had an adventure or girl time vaction,so what happens next?? I never gave dating a chance? I ddin't do late night parties. Did I mess up and miss my youth?????


You may never have a beautiful wedding. Is that going to be okay with you? Are you willing to let your thought process widdle your marriage down?

I'm a great believer in the fact that your mind can be your worst enemy. Say you continue down the road of "what if's?" like my wife did. I had no clue what was going on due to lack of communication with my wife. I almost lost my wife due to "what if's?" Not because she wanted to leave but her indecisiveness killed me. I was left on the edge of constantly being afraid she was going to leave because she "never went to prom." So on and so forth.

I gave my wife an ultimatum at one point. Choose life with my daughter and I or go chase her "what if's." She chose the first, and I can tell you she hasn't regretted it since. I'd push you to embrace the life *you chose* with your husband. Issues can be dealt with. Be upfront with him. Let him know you are worried about your financial situation. Tell him to tune in from 2-5pm EST to guys like Dave Ramsey, etc. It's amazing how changing your financial situation alone can help you handle life much easier no matter what it throws at you.

But you need to make a decision and stick with it 110%. Choose the life you chose with your husband, or get out now before you waste a lot of time and heartache. My wife's grandparents are a shining example of "We shouldn't have gotten married." How sad to see two people in their 60's so unhappy with the life they chose. Even sadder, neither decided to stick with the decision of making the best of their life with the one they chose. Had they done that, life may have been much better.


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