# The sh*t hit the fan the other night



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

So I get home from work around noon on Saturday and was exhausted and decided to take a nap. I wasn't expecting the H to come home this weekend from an out of town job but he did. We acted formal and civil towards eachother and watched a few hours of television.

Since I don't eat or cook much when he's gone the fridge was looking pathetic and he said he was going to the store. Now, he has this alcohol abuse assessment thing today because he failed a pee test last week. I didn't know he'd be bringing beer home.

He got drunk and I blurted out that our insurance does not cover marriage. He said that his company will cover X amount of sessions. After a few moments of awkward silence i asked him why he did it.

That's when things blew up.

A few tidbits of the conversation:

Him: You don't show me any love any more and sex seems like an obligation to you. You basically encouraged me to do it. You've been accusing me of cheating on your for 9 yrs so I figured since I'm doing the time, why not do the crime?

Me: You said that our trip to Germany was to "re-ignite" passions between us? How is that supposed to happen when you're sleeping with (you claim) an 18 yr old high school senior? Buying her pre-paid cell phones, sex toys, gifts from Germany?

Him: She made me feel wanted and appreciated. We hadn't had sex in 6 months, what did you expect me to do? I have needs!

Me: Tell me the truth. How many have there really been?

Him: 4. 2 before and after Germany, another girl before that and ***** (the EA/PA recently) and a BJ from a girl on AFF.

Me: So that makes 5 not 4. You are shifting the blame onto my shoulders. I am not the one who f'd up. 6 months prior to Germany, my father was involved in a car crash that killed his best friend and a good samaratin trying to help. You don't think that's going to put me in a state of depression?

Him: but we never had sex! You aren't attracted to me anymore, you're always angry and you b*tch about work every day and dump on me. We never do anything fun anymore. Why couldn't you let it go? I did, and I changed, I haven't slept with anyone since *****. I never wanted to buy this house, I did it for you, I was happy in the apartment. 

It went on like this until about 1 in the morning and I simply asked if he wanted this marriage to work and if marriage counseling was even worth it (this was after I said I'd divorce him and take half since we live in a 50/50 state and we've been married long enough that I would get alimony)
He said he'd call his company and look into it. I went to bed after he said that.

Yesterday, I was physically sick...all day. Vomiting every hour, couldn't keep anything down and he was acting in the same manner that he had when he first came home..formal and distant. He leaves sometime today to work for another week or so and I hope he's not there by the time i get home.

I still feel sick this morning but not as bad and I'm hoping the Ensure drink I'm about to have stays down.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

His guy has no remorse whatsoever and is blame shifting , get a legal separation or divorce him, lock down the finances now. Start the 180 and move on, if he decides to wake up and work on the marriage you decide what you want. Ensure his family, yours and close friends know of his serial affairs, do not give him the opportunity to gaslight you, from what he is saying to you he will do so , let people see him for what he is .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

i really feel that he has checked out of this marriage. I've invested almost 12 yrs of my life with him and have to throw it all away and start from scratch...

He made comments that night that I was a jealous person and that I should be more like him. He said he wouldn't care if I slept with 100 men as long as I didn't fall in love. WTF???

The past week or so I've been searching studio apts, maybe selling the car and taking the bus, wouldn't have health insurance so I'm screwed there, re-homing my dog and 3 cats, couldn't afford internet or cable. Basically giving up everything I have.

Or quit my job and move back home with my family.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I've emailed my friend, the attorney, she and I are going to meet up in 3 weeks. He will be home in 10 days, lets see what he does...MC? doubt it. I've mapped out all my options and I have 4.

1: stay married but act as roomates.
2:get divorced and say F you I don't want anything from you (on advice from a man hating friend of mine)
3: get divorced and take half and try to rebuild my life with no insurance and no car, none of my former luxuries
4: last ditch: sell everything i own, re-home my pets, quit my job and move back with my family 3,000 miles away

The ball is in my court and I'm waiting to see where I'll toss it. I'm sick of being tortured by my DH and myself. This is so damn hard for me. I've spent 2 days over-anylizing my marriage and what i have come to conclusions to are not pretty ones now that I have fully opened my eyes. I have to make a decision and I maybe have 2 weeks to do it until he comes back home from work


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## Squiffy (Oct 26, 2010)

Craggy456 said:


> He made comments that night that I was a jealous person and that I should be more like him. He said he wouldn't care if I slept with 100 men as long as I didn't fall in love. WTF???


Yes.... suuure.... of course he wouldn't mind... NOT! Don't wayward spouses say the strangest things. I really don't know where their heads are at when they are in the fog.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

No kids?
3, then 4. Not in with them, necessarily. But you're going to want support close by (unless you have a lot of friends here.) No insurance and car doesn't have to be permanent if you take the half you're due. Can't change your mind later. He's done a lot of screwing around; get yourself tested. Alimony is the screwing you get for the screwing you gave, and i don't mean marital sex.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

No way on 1 & 2.
OPTION 3, but re-home the pets first. If somehow things fail on your own, fall back onto Option 4. Good luck to you; I'm sorry this has worked out this way.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I have no one here. My friends are all broke and have their own lives. For the first time in my marriage I wish I lived closer to my family. They hated my H when they first met him...maybe they saw something I didn't and didn't want to tell me...


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

I am sorry you are going through this Craggy. Are there children involved? If so do not leave without support for them. If then keep your job and move on (with what ever money your due of course) or if you want to be near your family do that. BUt do whats in your best interest.
Good luck. I wish I had more input to offer besides that. Be blessed and listen to some of the ppl here. They have great input.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

thankfully, I decided years ago that I never wanted to have children. In fact, next year I was planning on having my tubes tied so that could go off birth control.
My man hating friend seems to think that the courts won't permit me to have alimony because we have no children, but I do have a very good attorney and she will stop at nothing to get me what I deserve


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Squiffy said:


> Yes.... suuure.... of course he wouldn't mind... NOT! Don't wayward spouses say the strangest things. I really don't know where their heads are at when they are in the fog.


Up their [email protected]@ - the deeper the fog the farther up their head is!!

Craggy - children is not the only consideration for spousal support. If nothing else you're entitled to some portion of the assets the two of you have acquired through your marriage.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

My day off is thurs and I'm going to spend the day making copies of things like our mortgage agreement, tax returns, yada yada. He doesn't know yet that I'm planning all of this and I don't intend to tell him until I have my game plan in order


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

What you are dong by copying and planning before you play your cards is what you need to do. Staying in this marriage is not an option. But you do need some support. Have you tried looking in to some support groups in your area? I know when my marriage started to fall apart these women were lifesavers. I just google searched and found a group nearby. They were an awesome bunch of people when I needed them most.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> What you are dong by copying and planning before you play your cards is what you need to do. Staying in this marriage is not an option. But you do need some support. Have you tried looking in to some support groups in your area? I know when my marriage started to fall apart these women were lifesavers. I just google searched and found a group nearby. They were an awesome bunch of people when I needed them most.


I hadn't really thought about that. Thanks for the tip


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Chrck for a BAN group n your area at beyondaffairs.com


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> Chrck for a BAN group n your area at beyondaffairs.com


None in my state


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Have you listened to the teleseminars on the website?


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I am getting enough emotional support from the few friends I have here. The Dr I work for (my boss) has been thru a divorce and he has 2 kids and he's given me alot of tips and advice as to how I need to look at myself, figure out what I want from life and how to survive on little income. 
Along with copying all the necessary paperwork, I'm going to sell a few things on Craigslist and hopefully have a little cash in my pocket for WHEN (not if) I move out


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

8yearscheating said:


> Have you listened to the teleseminars on the website?


I'm at work right now and can't take up too much time to listen to them. Maybe when I'm at home later.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

I listen to them on my phone going to and from work. Sound like your locked in on Divorce - the Dr. is only about that. If you are say so - that is not where I went and i have nothing to offer you.


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

Craggy456 said:


> ~ courts won't permit me to have alimony because we have no children, but I do have a very good attorney and she will stop at nothing to get me what I deserve


 I believe it is called spousal suppprt and has nothing to do with children. If the other half makes more than you.....check with your lawyer or state laws. It is a bargaining point if nothing else.


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## sunsetovernc (Jul 27, 2011)

So sorry to hear about all this Craggy. Good luck on whatever option(s) you decide!


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

You are wise to keep it to yourself for now. When the op gets wind of your plans, the timetable can change instantly to something you weren't prepared for. Just remember your spouse is no longer a safe person to trust and not your partner; look out for you, because only you will. Peace and blessings to you.


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