# Well it is moving day tomorrow



## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

And I;m a wreck. I ended up in the hospital this evening thinking I was having a heart attack. The doctor told me when you go through things like this you will feel physical pain. 

So H picked up his keys today! The past few days he has been pretty quite he seems depressed. He was worried about telling the kids he didn't want them to think that he is walking out on them. 

He called me after he got his keys and said that he felt weird, that it didn't feel right. I didn't know what to say to him at all. 

I have to day I feel like he has everything in his court right now. Cause he knows how much I love him and that I won't give up on the marriage . So if he asks me something and I say no then he is going to say that I'm being a ***** like the old me. 

I'm seriously torn. I know I need to stand up to him but scared to at the same time.

I can't even look in my room where his clothes are without crying cause I know after tonight they won't be there. 

I hate this, and I blame myself so much for hurting him and it causing my family to break up !


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Anxiety can cause heart attack like symptoms. It's really unlikely that you can cause your family to break up all on your own. But it can be difficult or impossible to stop someone from doing what they want to do.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Jaded Heart said:


> And I;m a wreck. I ended up in the hospital this evening thinking I was having a heart attack. The doctor told me when you go through things like this you will feel physical pain.
> 
> So H picked up his keys today! The past few days he has been pretty quite he seems depressed. He was worried about telling the kids he didn't want them to think that he is walking out on them.


 Gee why give them THAT impression just because he actually IS walking out on them...and the wistress means more to him than giving his own children THEIR FATHER! No we wouldn't want to tell them the TRUTH now, would we!  [/sarcasm]



> He called me after he got his keys and said that he felt weird, that it didn't feel right. I didn't know what to say to him at all.


"You don't feel right because what you're about to do--break your vow, leave your wife, damage your family, and destroy your children--ISN'T RIGHT!!!! Doesn't take a genius to see that one."



> I have to day I feel like he has everything in his court right now. Cause he knows how much I love him and that I won't give up on the marriage . So if he asks me something and I say no then he is going to say that I'm being a ***** like the old me.
> 
> I'm seriously torn. I know I need to stand up to him but scared to at the same time.


Then you ALSO know (although you're trying to avoid it and deny it) that if you REALLY loved him, you would do what is best for him and allow him to face some consequences for his choices. He is not leaving you because of something that happened 14 years ago...and you know it, and I know it, and everyone here on this forum knows it. HE knows it!! So as I say to the guys: GROW A PAIR!! (BTW...this is a loving, Hollywood slap on the face to wake you up.) Stop treating him like a delicate flower and stop acting like you are some sort of helpless victim here. 

I guarantee you, the minute you say to you, "You know what. I have had it with you, your blaming, and your obvious mistress. If you want to run around after making vows to me, I can't stop you, but you will NOT do it scott-free on my watch. Committing adultery COSTS buddy, and you will not be a carefree, single man. You made CHILDREN with me and while you have them on your days, which will be 50% of the time, I intend to live a good, happy and peaceful life without the drama of your demands and some other woman in my place! Have a good life, I'm changing the locks and as of today *I* don't want *YOU*" his tune will change. I guarantee it. Within 24 hours, he'll be calling continuously, texting 1000 times, sending emails or letters, or coming over!! 

But rather than BE STRONG FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR MARRIAGE you'd rather play "oh poor me". Well I don't buy it. Man up, girl, and do what a woman would do. 



> I hate this, *and I blame myself so much for hurting him and it causing my family to break up !*


:bsflag::bsflag::bsflag::bsflag::bsflag: And what's worse, you KNOW this is pucky of the bull. So stop this and get to work! Are you going to actually fight this affair or are you going to just take it and LET your marriage fall apart? Well? 

(P.S. This is tough love and probably feels harsh-ish when he's moving out tomorrow, but seriously? This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his ADULTERY. Now let's stop wallowing and work on this.)


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## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

I just had a talk with him, and I feel alot better besides the amount of money he wants to pay. But the courts will deal with that ! 

He wants to give me $1000 a month for me and thee kids , that leaves him over $3000 for himself. He says" the more you take from me the less I have to do things with the kids" Okay well how about me not being able to do things with the kids. 

But over all I think tomorrow is going to be hard , but not as hard as I think. I felt good after the talk we had !


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

40% is the amount he should expect to pay.

You're not getting nearly enough.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Conrad said:


> 40% is the amount he should expect to pay.
> 
> You're not getting nearly enough.


Agreed. He's short by a few hundred ... at minimum. Don't presume he's doing you a favor by giving you anything ... get a lawyer and proceed with a legal separation if necessary.

You cannot say 'I love you' while you're on the ground and someone is wiping their feet on you.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You should be able to get more than $1K/month out of him. My estranged husband kept telling me I would get more, if I kept the lawyers out of the negotiations. That's all part of the mind games. I'm not sure how your legal system is step up, but I would take my chances with the court/judge deciding what is fair.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

QUOTE=827Aug;274839]You should be able to get more than $1K/month out of him. My estranged husband kept telling me I would get more, if I kept the lawyers out of the negotiations. That's all part of the mind games. I'm not sure how your legal system is step up, but I would take my chances with the court/judge deciding what is fair.[/QUOTE]


You're Canadian right? Google child support guidelines - simplified table for your province and match his yearly gross income with how many kids you have and it will give you base amount. Section 7 expenses are above base amount and split proportionate to your incomes. This includes sports, babysitting, health care not covered by plan (braces) and other things. Please don't trust him, do your own research! Child support is tax free for you - spousal support is taxable. Tons of little tricks he can use to screw you over!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> QUOTE=827Aug;274839]You should be able to get more than $1K/month out of him. My estranged husband kept telling me I would get more, if I kept the lawyers out of the negotiations. That's all part of the mind games. I'm not sure how your legal system is step up, but I would take my chances with the court/judge deciding what is fair.



You're Canadian right? Google child support guidelines - simplified table for your province and match his yearly gross income with how many kids you have and it will give you base amount. Section 7 expenses are above base amount and split proportionate to your incomes. This includes sports, babysitting, health care not covered by plan (braces) and other things. Please don't trust him, do your own research! Child support is tax free for you - spousal support is taxable. Tons of little tricks he can use to screw you over!
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]

http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/lib-bib/legis/fcsg-lfpae/index.html
Go to this web site and match province to GROSS income and wages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

In addition to what golfergirl says, you also need to take into account spousal support. So if the guidelines say he should be paying you $750, there would also be spousal on top of that. The 40 to 45% (after tax) number is a good starting point, I think. 

Of course, that changes if you have income on top of that... It would be 40% of the combined after tax income. And unless you have a reason for not working (kids too young, disabilities, etc), it would be expected that you'd contribute whatever you can. You should also look at updating your marital status with Revenue Canada shortly, as you may qualify for additional child tax benefits that can help a lot. I think those will kick in after 90 days of separation. You can be "creative" in terms of when the 90 days start, if both you and your husband can agree on it. For example, if you started sleeping in separate beds, or got separate bank accounts, or whatever... The government doesn't care when it starts, but you may need something to back it up.

I can point you to a Canadian focused website where you can get more direction on what's fair in your circumstances. Not that TAM isn't good, but the other site is more focused on Canadian divorce laws and stuff.

C


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

PBear said:


> In addition to what golfergirl says, you also need to take into account spousal support. So if the guidelines say he should be paying you $750, there would also be spousal on top of that. The 40 to 45% (after tax) number is a good starting point, I think.
> 
> Of course, that changes if you have income on top of that... It would be 40% of the combined after tax income. And unless you have a reason for not working (kids too young, disabilities, etc), it would be expected that you'd contribute whatever you can. You should also look at updating your marital status with Revenue Canada shortly, as you may qualify for additional child tax benefits that can help a lot. I think those will kick in after 90 days of separation. You can be "creative" in terms of when the 90 days start, if both you and your husband can agree on it. For example, if you started sleeping in separate beds, or got separate bank accounts, or whatever... The government doesn't care when it starts, but you may need something to back it up.
> 
> ...



I believe it's retro to date of separation but it takes 3 months to go through and you get a bonanza lump sum for the 3 months (child tax credit). Regardless what we say- please see a lawyer!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

Could you please , I really don't know much and I don't want to be calling my lawyer every time I need a question answered !


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Jaded Heart said:


> Could you please , I really don't know much and I don't want to be calling my lawyer every time I need a question answered !


See if your attorney will do e-mail. My attorneys all do e-mails. It is so convenient. Every time I have a quick question I send an e-mail. When they get a chance (at their convenience), they reply. Also, you will have a record of it.


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## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

Well it is done, well most of it ! I think I held it together pretty good. I did lose it a little bit when he left with the last trip but I think over all I did pretty good. 

We will see how the night goes


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jaded Heart said:


> Could you please , I really don't know much and I don't want to be calling my lawyer every time I need a question answered !


Ottawa Divorce .com Forums is the site I've used... 

Good luck! I held together pretty good too, until the last load and drive away from the house. That one was pretty hard.

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, and with regards to e-mail lawyers. One of the things I picked up was that you shouldn't e-mail them 10 times with individual questions. Every time they do anything on your file, you run the risk of getting dinged for a minimum 0.1 hours. So batch your questions into one e-mail, and send that. This could be a "your mileage may vary" experience, obviously.

C


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