# Is it possible to date w/out online dating?



## gettingout (Jan 15, 2013)

My STBX moved out two years ago. I have not dated - not divorced yet, too busy rebuilding career (was SAHM) and being primary parent.
(even if he does not think so - is fighting me on that)

Anyway - is it possible to date w/out online dating? The thought terrifies me. I've gone on a couple of sites and left. Another divorced woman told me she likes meetup groups just to find people to hang out with - some of them she has dated (ie common interest, like outdoors, etc)

Does this still exist? Possible?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Of course it is, people have been hooking up before the internet ya know lol

But yes, meetup groups are an excellent place to meet and mingle. My only complaint is that the pool is relatively small to choose from.

BTW, sheez is online dating really "the norm" nowadays? Ack!


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## gettingout (Jan 15, 2013)

That is what I have heard!!! Yes, ack!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you familiar with Find your people - Meetup

What you can do to start going to events that you find on there. Go with a friend if you can. You will meet both men and women. So you can expand your social circle. And I have no doubt that along the way you will meet someone to date.

It's a much healthier way to meet people.

Also look for a chapter of "Parents Without Partners" in your area. I've noticed that in some cities they who list on Find your people - Meetup. What they are is an organization for, well parents without partners. They plan events where everyone brings their children and events that are adult only. This is where my ex met the women he's married to now.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Gettingout, if you initiate a conversation in the produce isle, you won't ever need online dating.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It's possible though more difficult. As a shy woman you will likely be approached more than a shy guy would. I would think you just need to put yourself in environments to be approached and look approachable.

Why terrified about on online dating?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> It's possible though more difficult. As a shy woman you will likely be approached more than a shy guy would. I would think you just need to put yourself in environments to be approached and look approachable.
> 
> Why terrified about on online dating?


Ok, when people say "look approachable" what do they mean? I'm a little rusty here. Do they mean, don't be wearing sweatpants (which I wouldn't likely do in public anyway) or do they mean be open with their body language, and if so, in what way?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> Ok, when people say "look approachable" what do they mean? I'm a little rusty here. Do they mean, don't be wearing sweatpants (which I wouldn't likely do in public anyway) or do they mean be open with their body language, and if so, in what way?


Lol well both. Look nice for sure but body language especially. Don't look *****y or defensive. Make eye contact and smile when you see a guy you like who you want to approach you. This lets him know it's ok to come over.

If you have male friends ask them if they think you are approachable in that way. They should have a good gauge on this


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Lol well both. Look nice for sure but body language especially. Don't look *****y or defensive. Make eye contact and smile when you see a guy you like who you want to approach you. This lets him know it's ok to come over.
> 
> If you have male friends ask them if they think you are approachable in that way. They should have a good gauge on this


Oh boy. This will take some work.

I guess I need to get to a place first where I feel good enough about myself to think if I smile at a guy he won't be completely horrified and run for the hills or have a good laugh at my expense. Shy hasn't really served me well in the past. I guess "be yourself" doesn't really extend to the shy.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. For now, my son is my favorite dinner companion. He may poop his pants and end up wearing most of his dinner, but he does make me laugh and being around him makes me happy.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Are you familiar with Find your people - Meetup
> 
> What you can do to start going to events that you find on there. Go with a friend if you can. You will meet both men and women. So you can expand your social circle. And I have no doubt that along the way you will meet someone to date.
> 
> ...


Great advice! Meetup has been really useful in helping me find new friends - for the most part my STBX kept our mutual friends. Hadn't really considered it's dating potential.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> Oh boy. This will take some work.
> 
> I guess I need to get to a place first where I feel good enough about myself to think if I smile at a guy he won't be completely horrified and run for the hills or have a good laugh at my expense. Shy hasn't really served me well in the past. I guess "be yourself" doesn't really extend to the shy.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the feedback. For now, my son is my favorite dinner companion. He may poop his pants and end up wearing most of his dinner, but he does make me laugh and being around him makes me happy.


Yes much of this is feeling good about yourself. For shy people that's why I recommend online dating. That way you can put your"best self" forward in a controlled environment then just sit back and wait. Yes the downside is you have to do some weeding of scumbags but you're going to do that anyway. This way you can do it at home and in your pj's lol


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> Great advice! Meetup has been really useful in helping me find new friends - for the most part my STBX kept our mutual friends. Hadn't really considered it's dating potential.


Just be careful on the dating front. Sometimes it can annoy people when you use something like this for its non designed purpose. My personal example may be unique but here it is.

I live in Colorado and love to hike. Was getting lots of dates online but nothing with potential so was suggested to me to do meetup for hiking groups and did. While that was fun they were only concerned with hiking and NOT dating. Finally I was told by another guy who was part of the group that this wasn't what the group was about. He said imagine you are on match and want to date a girl and she only wants you as a hiking partner. Point was made.

The other part which I understood was they didn't want awkwardness In The group. If two people dated and it didn't work out then it became weird


Not saying that would be your experience but that was mine. I like meetup and single partents groups but I would caution you on expectations of those groups. If nothing else they are great groups for socialization and maybe meet some who feel comfortable setting you up with others :smile2:


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

joannacroc said:


> Ok, when people say "look approachable" what do they mean? I'm a little rusty here. Do they mean, don't be wearing sweatpants (which I wouldn't likely do in public anyway) or do they mean be open with their body language, and if so, in what way?


It means dress in a way that's flattering; figure out your best features and highlight them. If you have a big juicy butt, wear tight yoga pants or cutoff shorts. If you have a great rack, put on a pushup bra. Cute dainty shoulders? Wear something off the shoulder that highlights them. 

Usually for women this also means wearing makeup in a subtle way. I'd only recommend dramatic makeup if you are a professional makeup artist - it's too easy to look clownish. Go to a really good hair stylist and have them suggest a low maintenance color/cut that you can easily style on your own. 

Body language is also an important part of the equation. If you don't feel confident in your smile, practice it in the mirror. Having a great smile and being confident enough to hold eye contact is worth it's weight in gold. Keep your body language open, relaxed, and confident. No crossed arms or slouching. 

The easiest way to attract a guy's attention is to make eye contact and give him a great smile. Hold the eye contact just a little longer than you normally would. That's it! If you have something witty to say, of course you can start a conversation too. Good luck!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

As to Meet-up, it is true that it is not a dating site. OTOH though there are Meet-up groups aimed exclusively towards singles. We have several in this area. Everyone there is single (at least they say they are). You can join one of those groups. Some of them are aimed towards mingling, others towards support for specified groups, such as single moms or divorced dads.
You can meet people there to date. But as in life, you need to remove expectations. Don't go looking for a date. Instead go looking to meet people. A date may or may not happen, but you will definitely develop some friendship.


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