# Waiting until Dec 26th to end it



## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

We are living in different households right now - separated but reconciling. He is supposed to move back in the new year. He stayed at home last night and I checked his phone while he was in the shower this morning. Found a text to a female friend - about how he misses her booty and they should exchange some pictures.
We are separated due to his cheating - it was with someone else not her. I actually trusted her. STBX and I had been to counseling to reunite - but obviously, in his case, once a cheater..

Anyhow, I don't want to spoil Christmas for our two little girls. I feel incredibly sick that I have to act like nothing in wrong for six days.

Thanks for reading. Being betrayed sucks.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Six more days. It sucks, but you can do this. Minimize contact as much as possible. If you'll be getting together with other family, use them as a buffer. Maybe find one family member who you are close to and trust to keep it to herself, and confide in her, and ask her to run interference.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I'm not sure that waiting will do any good, you daughters will have to deal with this next year for sure. I would continue doing Christmas activities and seeing family, but not with him. I wouldn't attempt any kind of R with him, or let him move back in. You gave him a chance and he blew it.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Sorry you're dealing with this. It seems that he had a different idea of the term "reconciling".


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Put the divorce papers in his stocking.


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

browser said:


> Put the divorce papers in his stocking.


:iagree:


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

browser said:


> Put the divorce papers in his stocking.


 :laugh::smthumbup:


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Oh god, you poor thing... I'm a WW, and reading these posts reminds me how lucky I am that I still have my BH.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I can think of a better place than his stocking to put them. Nice of you to wait so long. Wishing you strength on Monday.


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## bojangles (Oct 11, 2016)

Been there done that. Gearing up for a crappy holiday season as well. 

Hang in there. They say it gets better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> We are living in different households right now - separated but reconciling. He is supposed to move back in the new year. He stayed at home last night and I checked his phone while he was in the shower this morning. Found a text to a female friend - about how he misses her booty and they should exchange some pictures.
> We are separated due to his cheating - it was with someone else not her. I actually trusted her. STBX and I had been to counseling to reunite - but obviously, in his case, once a cheater..
> 
> Anyhow, I don't want to spoil Christmas for our two little girls. I feel incredibly sick that I have to act like nothing in wrong for six days.
> ...


If she's married be sure to expose the text exchange to her husband.


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

Guess that makes me mean. STBXH will be served this week or next. I waited too long to do it. I didn't care what day they served him. I chose courier, too, not certified mail.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> Being betrayed sucks.


Yes it does... do your best to not let it define you in poor thoughts as it has defined the betrayer with broken promises.

He has lost, he just doesn't know how badly yet...self-defeated by continuing the pain he has not learned to let go and decided to share with your family without asking. His betrayal is not yours to own... in a week, the day by day will seem like steps to your goal.

Be who you are... truthful in the disappointment where you relationship is and respectful toward your children's father even though he offers you none, your children will learn from your compassion that hurt doesn't stop us from looking forward. Keep your boundaries true and your heart open, it sees the truth better like that than behind walls.

Do not act... time to put your disappointment in it's place, better you know the truth now than waste time believing something that wasn't.

Give your girls a hug for us...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> If she's married be sure to expose the text exchange to her husband.


And don't share any physical relations with him... who knows where he's been. :frown2:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> And don't share any physical relations with him... who knows where he's been. :frown2:


I was JUST going to post this.

You need to be tested for STD's.

I couldn't wait - I had to get rid of my husband right away when I found out.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm very sorry. Some cheaters just never change. 

The timing is definitely bad but you'll get through it. How I survived my divorce was to tell myself, as each day passed, that I never had to relive that day again -- it was done.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> We are living in different households right now - separated but reconciling.
> 
> 
> > He is supposed to move back in the new year.
> ...


Too late, Dear. He beat you to the punch, he beat you mercilessly, he was ahead of the hard curvy tube and dangling baseballs. This is the gift that he gave you. 

Him being careless with his I-Phone, his Eye-Candy Phone? That was a gift. Now you know that reconciliation is a waste........waist belt on a hooker, all the excesses hanging over the leather strap. 


He is going to miss HER BOOTY.

*He is not going to miss YOUR-BOOT-HE.* 

Go to the shoe store today. Get a set of steel-toed boots. Use these to deliver the Boot-He.


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## ShatteredStill (Dec 20, 2016)

Can you go stay with family over Christmas & New Year? If you're already separated your girls know that things are very wrong. Have you explained to them? What have you told them?

Now, the day after Christmas, New Year? Other than torturing yourself what difference does it make? They will associate this time of year anyway. If they've gotten used to him not being home during your separation why not just continue it?

I'm so very sorry that you're going through this. My d-day was Mother's Day. My nightmare started on New Years Day. He wrote awful things about me to his mistress on my birthday. Whatever, you will have horrible feelings on all occasions that you associate with him. If you've been with him long enough that's probably EVERY occasion :-(


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Oh god, you poor thing... I'm a WW, and reading these posts reminds me how lucky I am that I still have my BH.


Thanks - I thought there was a chance my WH would change - I do believe sometimes it is a wake up call and things can get better. Just not in my case.


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

ShatteredStill said:


> Can you go stay with family over Christmas & New Year? If you're already separated your girls know that things are very wrong. Have you explained to them? What have you told them?
> 
> Now, the day after Christmas, New Year? Other than torturing yourself what difference does it make? They will associate this time of year anyway. If they've gotten used to him not being home during your separation why not just continue it?
> 
> I'm so very sorry that you're going through this. My d-day was Mother's Day. My nightmare started on New Years Day. He wrote awful things about me to his mistress on my birthday. Whatever, you will have horrible feelings on all occasions that you associate with him. If you've been with him long enough that's probably EVERY occasion :-(


The girls have always been told it is temporary - because that was the intent. They are expecting daddy to be there for Christmas. I just plan on asking him not to return after the holiday - no more sleepovers and family time. A real and final separation.. and then a talk with the kids. I'm sorry your Mother's day was ruined. One of my previous betrayals was that day too.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> I'm sorry your *Mother's Day* was ruined. One of my previous betrayals *was that day too.*


The MotherFluzzer of all betrayals. 

The symbolism is beyond horrible.

Such a sharp cut, this. And from such a dull knife wielder.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Chump Lady was mentioned on another thread here today & your post reminded me of her site. If you haven't found it yet, go check it out. It will give you strength. Your WH sounds like the type of cheater you really need to put behind you.

So sorry and best of luck!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There are cheaters who use separation as an opportunity to continuing cheating -- either with their AP or maybe someone new or even both. I'm sure he had every intention of moving back in wth you and your girls (and allowing you to believe all was well) while continuing to cheat. Cake-eating at its finest. Shaking my head.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Unfortunately separation gave him the excuse to go do what he wanted. He's shown you he doesn't want marriage. 

Very sorry for you and your girls. Might I suggest you focus on some fun activities with them? It will help you as much as maintain a good bond with them. 

Don't drink a ton... You need to be healthy and sober. Eat well, exercise. Go get std tested please.

You and your girls - that's going to be your world now. 

Oh and don't forget to wrap the divorce papers in the stocking.


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> Chump Lady was mentioned on another thread here today & your post reminded me of her site. If you haven't found it yet, go check it out. It will give you strength. Your WH sounds like the type of cheater you really need to put behind you.
> 
> So sorry and best of luck!


 I saw that thread too and found the site. Completely helpful site!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Serial cheaters don't change. They don't.

You're actually lucky you found one of his latest scumbag texts. I'm sure he's been up to A LOT of things you still don't know about but that text just proved to you who he really IS. Thank God you didn't invest yet again in him.

Unfortunately, I'll assume you had sex with the cretin when he stayed over, so you'll have to have STD testing.

The best Christmas present to yourself in the world is dumping a worthless serial cheater.

You'll be fine.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

you might want to keep a recorder handy while he is around.

for your protection. Hope he is at least in control of his temper.

are your parents of family close by for a nice holiday visit?

hope you have your attorney already working on the paperwork.

so sorry for you and your girls.

Better to know than to be wondering.


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

harrybrown said:


> you might want to keep a recorder handy while he is around.
> 
> for your protection. Hope he is at least in control of his temper.
> 
> ...


I have no family close by. He guessed that I found out and is completely denying anything. "nothing ever happened" "I shouldn't have asked for pictures" "please don't end our family because of a stupid text"

I'm just staying cool. This holiday will not be ruined for the kids.


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## ShatteredStill (Dec 20, 2016)

All the lies & denials make everything so much worse! It's like saying not only are you not worth being faithful to, I think you're so bloody stupid & gullible that you will believe me over your own eyes!

I found the receipts for OUR Mother's Day flowers. As I've said before, it was a 'buy 1 get 1 of LESSER value 1/2 price. Guess which ones were mine?!? I had been so excited to receive delivery flowers (I'm a supermarket bunch lady). Her card read, "To the GREATEST MOTHER in the world. All my love X", mine (the mother of his children, after 25 years of dedication) read "From X & kids names".

That will be forever in my brain! 

Honestly....I nearly believed him when he tried to convince me that they were "just friends"....he'd had an affair with her 12 years prior as a coworker!! It was the worst time of my life!! I was recovering from life saving surgery, heavily medicated etc ugh!! THEN I found some of their text messages....

When I talked to my husband about the agony of gaslighting & trickle truth he said "....but what choice is there? Cheats lie to protect their wives!". No!! They lie because they think they can get away with it!


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

ShatteredStill said:


> All the lies & denials make everything so much worse! It's like saying not only are you not worth being faithful to, I think you're so bloody stupid & gullible that you will believe me over your own eyes!
> 
> I found the receipts for OUR Mother's Day flowers. As I've said before, it was a 'buy 1 get 1 of LESSER value 1/2 price. Guess which ones were mine?!? I had been so excited to receive delivery flowers (I'm a supermarket bunch lady). Her card read, "To the GREATEST MOTHER in the world. All my love X", mine (the mother of his children, after 25 years of dedication) read "From X & kids names".
> 
> ...


Cheats lie to justify themselves. Cheats lie to have their cake and eat it too. They lie because rules don't apply to them. They lie because somehow, in their minds, their betrayed spouses deserve it. 
I am so sorry you found that horrible receipt. I can imagine you looked at it hundreds of times. :frown2:


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## ShatteredStill (Dec 20, 2016)

I found there first messages on LinkedIn. It only took a few back & forth before he asked her to set-up a secret account! I then found some 'mistakes' when he'd emailed her from an account I could get access to & she hit reply. I know I've only ever seen about 5% but that was crippling enough!!

I KNOW that I'm glad I found them & finally knew the truth. He'd been punishing me & treating me like crap for 6-9 months prior, making me believe that everything in the world was my fault. It was a relief to finally understand what was going on in my life BUT actually reading the words is horrific! It's so hard to 'hear' the love of your life mooning over another woman. I know he lied to her a lot....an atheist pretending to be Christian & quoting the Bible by googling the right words. Pretending he loved music he loathes. Saying I'd done & said things that I hadn't etc. BUT the other words, the I love you's, the "you're the first thing I think of in the morning, the last thing I think of at night!" Bollocks is so devastating to read.

To be honest I still wish I'd demanded access to their secret account before he had a chance to delete it all. No matter how painful it would be better to know all of it...

It's just so bloody hard isn't it?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

ShatteredStill said:


> All the lies & denials make everything so much worse! It's like saying not only are you not worth being faithful to, I think you're so bloody stupid & gullible that you will believe me over your own eyes!
> 
> I found the receipts for OUR Mother's Day flowers. As I've said before, it was a 'buy 1 get 1 of LESSER value 1/2 price. Guess which ones were mine?!? I had been so excited to receive delivery flowers (I'm a supermarket bunch lady). Her card read, "To the GREATEST MOTHER in the world. All my love X", mine (the mother of his children, after 25 years of dedication) read "From X & kids names".
> 
> ...


I'm so sorry this has happened to you. They no where for this to go except for divorce.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> We are living in different households right now - separated but reconciling. He is supposed to move back in the new year. He stayed at home last night and I checked his phone while he was in the shower this morning. Found a text to a female friend - about how he misses her booty and they should exchange some pictures.
> We are separated due to his cheating - it was with someone else not her. I actually trusted her. STBX and I had been to counseling to reunite - but obviously, in his case, once a cheater..
> 
> Anyhow, I don't want to spoil Christmas for our two little girls. I feel incredibly sick that I have to act like nothing in wrong for six days.
> ...


In the case of your husband it is not: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Well, not really.

Why not? Because your husband never actually stopped cheating in the first place. So he killed any possible chance of the counselling actually working. 

He is like a patient receiving treatment for a lung condition who insists on continuing to smoke:-


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> Anyhow, I don't want to spoil Christmas for our two little girls. I feel incredibly sick that I have to act like nothing in wrong for six days.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Being betrayed sucks.


I waited till after Xmas too. You're doing the right thing. 

You don't want the kids to carry that kind of memory around.

It's a SMALL price to pay for his mistake. You'll get through it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> I have no family close by. He guessed that I found out and is completely denying anything. "nothing ever happened" "I shouldn't have asked for pictures" "please don't end our family because of a stupid text"
> 
> I'm just staying cool. This holiday will not be ruined for the kids.


It wasn't a stupid text. It's evidence he still can't commit to you after the second chance you gave him. He may very well want his family intact but obviously not enough to stop cheating. 

The thing about serial cheaters, which he is, is that they almost never change. He's been caught -- again -- so he's in full damage control now as they always are when they get caught. If he convinces you to R, you almost certainly will face more of this in the future.


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

Openminded said:


> It wasn't a stupid text. It's evidence he still can't commit to you after the second chance you gave him. He may very well want his family intact but obviously not enough to stop cheating.
> 
> The thing about serial cheaters, which he is, is that they almost never change. He's been caught -- again -- so he's in full damage control now as they always are when they get caught. If he convinces you to R, you almost certainly will face more of this in the future.


I know. But is this enough to turn our entire world upside down over? I am not sure I am ready. However, I know full well it will happen again.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> However, I know full well it will happen again.


Someone that is still sexting other women (the sexting is the one thing you do know about-it could be physical too) while reconciling has no intentions of ever stopping.


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## rollercoaster2016 (Dec 20, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Someone that is still sexting other women (the sexting is the one thing you do know about-it could be physical too) while reconciling has no intentions of ever stopping.


You are not wrong. I have to decide if a sext is enough to destroy lives.. lose a home .. move schools because I couldn't afford to stay in my area .. Is this the final straw? I thought it would be but now I"m not so sure.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> I know. But is this enough to turn our entire world upside down over? I am not sure I am ready. However, I know full well it will happen again.


He's lying.

If you ever doubt that, remember this --

He's lying.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

​


rollercoaster2016 said:


> I know. But is this enough to turn our entire world upside down over? I am not sure I am ready. However, I know full well it will happen again.


I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Remember, for every rat you see, there's 50 you don't.

I'd be telling him now that it's over, no need for the girls to know until after the holiday but he can stew in his own misery - which may I add, is of his own making - during the Christmas holiday, knowing full well that this is the last one he'll ever spend in the same way with his family.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> I know. But is this enough to turn our entire world upside down over? I am not sure I am ready. However, I know full well it will happen again.


If you take him back, knowing what he's capable of, that's obviously your choice to make but you'll very likely never be able to trust him. He was supposed to be in R with you -- recommitting to your marriage with all that involves -- and yet he did this. Do you really think he's worth the pain you're going to live through with him?

I was married for 30 additional years between DD1 and DD2. Thirty years that I wouldn't have wasted if only I had gone with my instincts and gotten out when I should have. But, like your husband, my former husband made all sorts of promises and so I stayed. I wish I hadn't. I can tell you from experience that's a very tough way to live.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> You are not wrong. *I have to decide if a sext is enough to destroy lives..* lose a home .. move schools because I couldn't afford to stay in my area .. Is this the final straw? I thought it would be but now I"m not so sure.


See that right there?

You're falling _right back_ into his bullsh*t again -- you want to believe that he's telling the truth so badly that -- because you don't have absolute proof staring back at you -- you've already accepted that it was "just a sext".

It _wasn't_ "just a sext" -- _it was him sexting w/ an AP._ IOW, it was a sext sent as a follow-up to an actual sexual encounter.

He.

Is.

Lying.

Serial cheaters don't change.

Take him back and you'll be right back in this mess within a year or two.

Maybe sooner.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> You are not wrong. *I have to decide if a sext is enough to destroy lives*.. lose a home .. move schools because I couldn't afford to stay in my area .. Is this the final straw? I thought it would be but now I"m not so sure.


You are dropping the context.

It isn't just "a sext", it is that plus all that has happened before, the pattern present in all that, and the likelihood of that pattern continuing to destroy your and your children's chances for health and happiness.

It isn't "destroy[ing] lives". Rather, divorcing him may be the only chance you and your children have to build contented and joyous lives and, eventually, for their children to do so, and so on.

People survive divorce, and move on and live.
People sacrifice their lives, by staying in bad marriages, and what does it give them or anyone else? If you're staying with a serial cheater, you are just handing your precious days and nights over to him so as to not inconvenience him in his pursuit of others. Shouldn't you be spending them in the service of your own life and happiness?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

YOU are not the one destroying anything here!!! Stop taking the blame for this - HE is the one cheating - HE is the one who can't stop - HE is the one doing any destroying. HIM. NOT you.

With this mindset he will continue to destroy YOU. Is that what you want? Do you want your kids to grow up watching their mother be emotionally abused, cheated on, cowering in the corner? Or do you want them to grow up watching a confident woman who knows what she needs and how to be happy because she refuses to let some cheating lying piece of sh1t husband take her down?


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

To the OP. I'm really sorry.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, if you take him back you've made the decision that whatever you get out of being with him is worth him lying and cheating.

So own it. Arrange an open marriage where you can keep your house and all appearances.

Because for all intents and purposes you've already got an open marriage, so take away the lying. Tell him he can do whatever he wants and you'll do whatever you want. 

And your kids can grow up seeing that this is marriage.

Think about it from this perspective. Your eyes are now open so accept the package, whatever you decide. 

And that bit about throwing your family away is typical cheater speak.....his family isn't on his mind when he's sniffing out other women. It apparently only applies to you.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You are the frog in the slowly heating water. Soon you will be well and truly cooked.

As others have said, it's not 'a sext.' It's the fact that he lives the way he lives and things like that 'sext' are simply 'no big deal' to him.

Breaking your heart is no big deal. He wants his cake and eat it, too. You are 'sensitive,' so he hides it and when he gets caught, it's just 'a sext.' No biggie, right?

You have a 100% bona fide cheater on your hands and it is a recipe for dead frog. You will be miserable if you stay with him.

Don't break up your marriage because of 'a sext.' Divorce him because he is a liar, a cheat, amoral, and a man who can't behave honorably or respectfully toward his wife.

That's why you leave the marriage. If you don't, you will continue to be the chump that he can always talk around to staying with him. He knows he can convince you to give him a pass to break your heart. Why would you do that? God knows, I don't know why you would.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

OP,

It could be you are projecting on to him something he is not -- someone that has potential to be a faithful loving husband. That soothes you, in the moment; it really hurts to see him realistically, informed truthfully by what you have seen him do before. It's a hard thing to stop yourself from doing, I know. But, ask yourself, "Am I seeing him as he really is, or am I seeing him as I want him to be?" in those moments you think he might change and be worth that chance.

There are millions of men in this world that are naturally the sort of person you'd want to be with, someone you could trust, love, and be loved by. You will never allow yourself to find such a person, unless you can see and accept that your husband is precisely the opposite sort. Do you feel like you are allowed have such a person in your life? Or do you feel like, for some reason known or unknown, such love is not supposed to be yours? Answer that, and you'll know what you will do.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

rollercoaster2016 said:


> You are not wrong. I have to decide if a sext is enough to destroy lives.. lose a home .. move schools because I couldn't afford to stay in my area .. Is this the final straw? I thought it would be but now I"m not so sure.


Firstly, you are not destroying the relationship, he did that with the infidelity. Secondly, it is not the one act that you have to think about, it is the future. If you knew 100% that it was over and would never happen again, then reconciling is a more viable options. Your dilemma is will it happen again? Since you have already expressed your reservations, I think you know the answer to that question. The lying and half truths are as bad as the affair and will drive you mad at times. You need to take some time and have a real heart to heart conversation with yourself and look at all options and come up with a game plan and then act decisively. This is the toughest time of the year to have to deal with these issues. Turn your focus on your children, friends and the real reason for the season.


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## fall222 (Nov 26, 2016)

Don't wait. Do it now.


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## veganmermaid (Jun 17, 2016)

Flip the script here. He already cheated; you graciously offered a second chance. All he had to do was not cheat again, all he had to do was restrain himself from sending that sext.

But he couldn't do that one simple, impossibly easy thing.

Because he doesn't value your marriage or your family or YOU enough to exert the tiniest iota of self control.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Do you know any good looking or attractive men? Think about it for a minute because as a good W you probably haven't thought that way. Any dads you've seen around school that are "easy on the eyes"? A clerk in a store? A neighbor? A friend's husband?

Now think about sexting them tomorrow night around 8:00 pm. What would you be wearing at the time? Would you send a photo? Or just some naughty suggestions? Things you'd like to do - or have done?

Did you step through that in your mind as you read what I wrote? Did you fully picture it? Did you realize you'd have to have a VERY clear and sexually charged frame of mind before you even got to the sext?

It's not just text I'm sorry to say and it's not something you'd ever do. But he did. And why wouldn't he do it again?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

As long as he's having sex with other women (don't be fooled that its just one) the is no R.

Go ahead and discuss an open marriage with him. Likely he won't be on board with that... But that may lessen the pain if you're getting some sex from others like he is, if you are not going to leave him. That should at least help stop the lies.

While I have open relationship friends, theirs is based on trust. Since your H is already a liar and a cheater, I doubt there will be honesty from him. 

So put it as choices.
1. Rugsweep and be miserable.
2. Divorce him. 
3. Ask for honesty and let him have his girl toys.
4. You both have extramarital sex toys. 
5. Rugsweep and continue to hope for an R in the future. But why should he as long as you allow not him to continue?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

You are minimizing his actions in your mind. YOU ARE SCARED of life without him. You are selling your soul for comfort. (Your soul is your self respect... )i don't believe you will respect yourself if you stay and change your mind and GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE. 

I wont think less of you, but we are our harshest critics. 

Be true to yourself. He is cheating still. He has cheated, he has lied and you gave him a chance. People don't stop until they have been burned ENOUGH. I mean its got to sting. 

So far its just been a slap of the wrist. You NEED to follow through, because if you don't I feel it will be a big mistake for your self esteem. You should be building yourself up.... Not this


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## ShatteredStill (Dec 20, 2016)

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, particularly at this time of year. It's awful.

If you are going to try reconciling with this man PLEASE think about all of the reasons you're so very frightened of leaving. If money, career, home, schools etc are part of that work on fixing it NOW. Get an education, take classes, start saving money for a 'rainy day' because there will be one on your future.

Time is on your side but don't just exist changing nothing. That's soul destroying. You need to have a plan.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@rollercoaster2016 Any update?

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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry OP,

However, this is your choice and you are not making a choice for you but for your kids. What will you teach your kids by staying with a good for nothing man who doesn't respect you enough nor your kids enough to take the second chance and work on the marriage.
You are NOT doing your kids a favour by staying in a rotten marriage.
He will not change, he thinks he can treat you whatever way he wants and you will still come running.
He is still responsible for supporting his kids. Go see a lawyer now and see what your options are.
Do NOT listen to his lies and promises, etc his words are empty and mean nothing.
STOP rationalising his behaviour, you will sink deeper in misery, be strong and take the first step to remove him from your life.
This is NOT your fault, he is the one who blew up the family, not you, do not take on that burden, it is not yours to carry.
Stick to your guns on this, you do not need this in your life.


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