# Cleaning In the House - I hate her sometimes



## remcatt (Aug 20, 2014)

I really hate my wife sometimes. 

Just yesterday, she was mad because she anticipated that I would leave food in the sink after washing the dishes. She got extra mad when I did that. She gets so angry for no reason sometimes. I think what I do should be enough for her.

Today I was washing the dishes and was hating her. I felt so judged. I really don't want to talk with her about it. 

Tell me what you think in a case like this.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I clean up after meals. After I finish the dishes, I clean the sink, and anything else the needs to be done, so we both can move on to whatever we want to do next. 

Without addressing your W's issues with you, could you say why you wouldn't just clean the dishes and the sink, then just move on? 

You seem to have a limit to your participation in the M. What's that about? Do you measure everything? Don't you work together? 

And correct me if I'm wrong, You knew it would piss her off if you didn't finish, and you did it anyway. A little passive aggressive isn't it? This isn't just about the dishes, or her judging you, and you resenting her for it, is it?


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## remcatt (Aug 20, 2014)

Thanks for you comment.

My wife is really amazing 90% of the time. I just need to put that forward!

I do clean the dishes, I left food in the sink. The thing is, that nagging me never helps. She nitpicks so badly, like "Could you put his piece of paper you left on the countertop and put it in the trash?" or "Could you _please _ not leave anything around the sink?" I hear these things constantly.

I think I do enough around the house and I do a great job. Its ungrateful of her to have the nerve to ask me to do things like this on top of what I do.



anchorwatch said:


> I clean up after meals. After I finish the dishes, I clean the sink, and anything else the needs to be done, so we both can move on to whatever we want to do next.
> 
> Without addressing your W's issues with you, could you say why you wouldn't just clean the dishes and the sink, then just move on?
> 
> ...


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

remcatt said:


> I really hate my wife sometimes.
> 
> Just yesterday, she was mad because she anticipated that I would leave food in the sink after washing the dishes. She got extra mad when I did that. She gets so angry for no reason sometimes. I think what I do should be enough for her.
> 
> ...


well, that is usually a sign that you have been doing little things over and over for years, they piss her off, she mentioned it to you, and you blew her off. Over the years, they have become the "straw that broke the camels back". So you do it one more time, and she rips you a new a**hole for it.

So if she does not want you to leave food on your plate in the sink, because she then has to soak the plate to get the dried food off, just frigin stop doing it. Act like a man, do the heavy lifting, for crypes sake.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

remcatt said:


> "Could you _please _ not leave anything around the sink?"
> 
> Its ungrateful of her to have the nerve to ask me to do things like this on top of what I do.



It's ungrateful to ask you to remove things around the sink?? Really? How old are you? You want to wash the dishes without removing leftovers?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I hate leftovers in the sink, it is soooo diguisting. You put stuff in, make sure you get it out at the end. Doing dishes includes cleaning up the sink and area around it, you seem not to want to go all the way in. Why??? Who is supposed to clean the sink if not person doing the dishes?


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I try not to nitpick the way my husband does chores. Yeah, not rinsing the food down the drain after doing dishes isn't a great habit, but it sounds to me like she's always looking for things that you've not done up to her specs. 

Sometimes I am super nit picky, but it usually means I'm hormonal or upset with him about something else or super stressed out and in control freak mode. 

I'm not perfect around the house either--and he nitpicks far less often about my leaving on lights, and not cleaning my hair out of the shower, and running the gas tank to empty and leaving it for him to fill, and forgetting to run the disposal when I throw the breakfast leftovers down, and not wiping my hairspray reside off the vanity, and . . . well, I'm sure the list goes on. 

It doesn't kill me to pick up his socks (AGAIN) or wipe off the stove after he cooks (AGAIN) or put turn his shirts right side out before I wash them (AGAIN). 

OP, if you really do pull your weight around the house, I think you should get a pass if there are a few things that you just can't get right every time. Who likes to be constantly corrected and criticized?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

remcatt said:


> I really hate my wife sometimes.
> 
> Just yesterday, she was mad because she anticipated that I would leave food in the sink after washing the dishes. She got extra mad when I did that. She gets so angry for no reason sometimes. I think what I do should be enough for her.
> 
> ...


Are you posting under your wife's user name? Just asking because when remcatt first posted it was about the husband. Membership is free so feel free to join.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Be considerate. She is your wife not mother.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> running the gas tank to empty and leaving it for him to fill


I thought that was a "given" lol


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

remcatt said:


> I really hate my wife sometimes.
> 
> Just yesterday, she was mad because she anticipated that I would leave food in the sink after washing the dishes. She got extra mad when I did that. She gets so angry for no reason sometimes. I think what I do should be enough for her.


Here's the solution.

Next time, when or if you leave food in the sink and she yells.

Walk over to the sink. Look at the food in the sink. Look blankly at her. Look back at the sink. Look back at her.

Then say "That's an awful lot of anger for such a small thing. If you think you can do better, you are more than welcome to clean up from now on"

Then walk away and go back to what you were doing. Don't get mad. Don't raise your voice. Don't engage in any fighting. If she wants to talk, then talk calmly about it.

Mine does the same thing - however with me, I'm usually in between doing two or more tasks and just haven't been able to get back and clean up more. I do all the chores (i even clean windows and toilets as well) except for cooking and grocery shopping. So all mine has to do is feed me and eff me. She gets all sorts of hell from her friends when she complains about what I am doing wrong because (as they put it) she has no clue how easy she has it.

If mine has issues with what I am doing, I make it very clear she can now start taking care of the house anytime she wants to.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Be worried when she stops bringing it to your attention. When that happens, she is checked out of your marriage.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

remcatt said:


> Thanks for you comment.
> 
> My wife is really amazing 90% of the time. I just need to put that forward!
> 
> ...


I used to do this sort of thing in the 20s.......now, my kids do that sort of thing (heck, few actually finish).

Cleaning up sink/countertops etc is all part of doing dishes....so is putting away dry ones.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

As i tell mine all the time if your not garteful for what i do i just wont do it at all.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I've noticed no one else mentioned this, but you HATE your wife?

That is awful strong language, and I would argue that hate has no place in a marriage. 

I've been frustrated with my husband, I've been disappointed and upset. But never once have I ever thought I hated him. I hate some of the things he does. But never him.

Just wanted to bring that to your attention.


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