# Considering Divorce - I need to live!!!



## SureUnsure (Aug 24, 2011)

I've been married 28 years, and have a nice wife. We do not have a bad relationship. I'm nearing retirement and looking at what I've done, and what I want to do in the future. I no longer have deep love for my wife, or for anything else (hobbies, interests) for that matter. It might be mid-life crisis. I love my wife as I would a close friend. My kids are older (20+), one living at home. My role as an "in home" parent is nearing an end as the kids leave home. I feel as if my need to be a husband is at an end as well. I have sacrificed much to provide for everyone in the house over the decades. Others have always come before me. They get the best, and I'll take what's left behind if anything. My wife has sacrificed as well, mostly in personal interests that are not compatible with me. Now, I want to pursue "my life" as I want to to be. And I want my wife to do the same. Unfortunately, "my life" does not include my wife. I want to be alone and start new in every aspect of my life. There are deep emotional scars and memories that are associated with where I live and work. I want to live a quality life for the remaining years. Selfish? Yes. And maybe it's about time I help myself. Yet, I know a divorce will hurt my wife and kids, and others too. But I've seen how people do recover. Yes, I've been to counseling for many years on the emotional issues. I need real change to see real results. I can no longer pretend to tolerate my situation just so I don't hurt my wife and kids with a divorce. But does that mean I have to sacrifice my future now as well? If I do divorce, I will ensure that my wife has no financial worries. Material things don't matter anymore. I'm not sure what I should do, but I'm sure of what I want to do - and that's live happy the remaining years of my life. I'd like your honest feedback. Especially from those who have been in this situation in any manner. Thank you


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## unbroken (Jul 8, 2011)

My husband of 24 years just went through over five years of mid-life crisis that culminated in an affair. Before you ride into the sunset & leave behind all the people who care for you, please go really read about mid-life crisis. It's very possible that you could get more of what you want in life, without running away.

The truth is that childhood issues, depression, & a desire to escape your current life could be more about escaping YOURSELF. And if it is, then you will take all of your issues and internal problems with you.

Many men like you end up sitting in a bar all alone, financially destroyed by a divorce and estranged from the family they once loved.

Like the Adele song says 'We could've had it all' but if you just bail like a teenager, you will never be able to respect yourself.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

The truth is that childhood issues, depression, & a desire to escape your current life could be more about escaping YOURSELF. And if it is, then you will take all of your issues and internal problems with you.

-Bingo. That's my wife who left her family in a nutshell. Please seek counseling before you make this heavy decision.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Definately seek counseling for this. I dont see walking away from a 28 year marriage Think back to when you all got married you pictured this part of your life with your wife. Dont walk away from a marriage for the reasons you indicated because IMHO I think it is selfish on your part. If its been worth sticking for 28 years then its more there than you realize. We all go through ups and downs and everything in between but that is life and it is part of a relationship. Remember your VOWS.


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## dontKnowMe (Jun 1, 2011)

Certainly it's not a decision to take lightly but it is YOUR LIFE and you only live once. Don't forget to consider how you will feel on your death bed (or the fact that you might get run over by a bus tomorrow).


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

SureUnsure said:


> I'm sure of what I want to do - and that's live happy the remaining years of my life. I'd like your honest feedback. Especially from those who have been in this situation in any manner. Thank you


I agree with everyone else about trying some more counseling.

Think about this - you want to live happy the remaining years of your life. Define that. What does it look like? And what sort of happiness are you looking for that you couldn't share with your close friend, your wife? 

I'm going to guess that she knows you well and somehow her presence is reflecting back a lot of things you don't like about yourself and your past. If you leave her, the reflection will disappear BUT you will still be carrying around yourself and your past. And now you've lost your close friend, too.

Be careful.


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