# Separated for 3rd time....



## MadAndConfused (Nov 24, 2011)

Hi all, it's been 1 month since my husband has left the house for the third time. I have a question to those who are going through separation: my husband has left taking with him just a few things. Since then i am trying the NC thing as I am very upset, it's the third timehe leaves since July. He now tries to contact me for all sorts of reasons, most of them not serious. Yesterday I got a message from him saying "let me know if you want to meet for a coffee sometime". So, my questions are:

1. Does this sms mean that he wants to meet me? 
2. Sometimes he asks whether I will be out of the house for the day so that he will come and pick up the rest ofhis stuff. So I stay out and notify him that he can go and get them. Problem is that he never does. Does this mean something?

Some background info: last ti e he told me he cannot try for reconciliation rig now, but this is not his final decision. I am also suspecting he is having an affair...

Thank you in advance....
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is this a trick question? He asks if you want to meet for coffee sometime, and your response is to question whether he wants to meet you?

As far as him not wanting to try reconciling, not wanting to pick up his stuff, and possibly having an affair... It's very possible that he is having an affair, and you're simply a backup plan until he has to make a decision. If he was to reconcile with you, it would likely crimp his style. After all, it's much more difficult to bring someone home if your spouse is snoring in your bed. Makes things a little awkward, you know? But given what you've said, there's no way to tell if he's having an affair or not. Simply not enough info to even guess.

C
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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I would say if he wants to meet for coffee, that he wants to meet but does not want to just simply ask. I get that from my WAW all the time. She asks in a round about way as if not asking, but really asking. 

Affair is always a possibility with anyone who leaves. Have you asked him to MC?


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## MadAndConfused (Nov 24, 2011)

Thanks for the answer! Ok, so why doesn't he just ask me directly? Will this hurt his pride and that's why? Yes, I have asked him for MC/IC but he constantly refuses....

How do you react when your wife does that? Do you accept the invitation or not? I do not want to be the doormat, but I do not want to make him think that I am not interested....
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## MadAndConfused (Nov 24, 2011)

PBear said:


> Is this a trick question? He asks if you want to meet for coffee sometime, and your response is to question whether he wants to meet you?
> 
> As far as him not wanting to try reconciling, not wanting to pick up his stuff, and possibly having an affair... It's very possible that he is having an affair, and you're simply a backup plan until he has to make a decision. If he was to reconcile with you, it would likely crimp his style. After all, it's much more difficult to bring someone home if your spouse is snoring in your bed. Makes things a little awkward, you know? But given what you've said, there's no way to tell if he's having an affair or not. Simply not enough info to even guess.
> 
> ...


Problem is that he does not ask directly. This is why I am confused...
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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband does not ask for things directly either. I think its abit of pride and fear of rejection issue. I would say meet him for coffee!!

If you guys have texting ability...after the coffee meeting tell him what a good time you had with him. My husband did this sort of thing with me after every time we spend together. It really made me feel good to know that he had a great tiem with me. I started doing the same for him and soon we were communicating more and more....First it was mostly texting, then phone and now face to face is much easier to tell eachother thigns and to just have fun.

As for the affair thing...you may never know unless he tells you. My Husband was going back and forth like that too. I didn't know he had a sort of affair while we were seperated until he came out and told me. He felt so much guilt from it that it kept him from wanting to move back in. Its been since DEc 12th since my Husband told me he slept with another woman in Sept soon after our seperation.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MadAndConfused said:


> Problem is that he does not ask directly. This is why I am confused...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He asked you outright if you want to meet for coffee. How is this not asking directly? Do you need a formal invitation to tea?

I really don't understand your confusion. Sorry.

C
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