# Is this a good sign?



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

Like every one on here, I have been going through a separation. I am in month 18. 
I have had my rough points through it all with her as well as myself. In the last year I have learned so much about life outside of marriage, friendship, and myself. I have stumbled, said things, and done things that I wish I hadn't. I have attained my knowledge .I like myself again and feel good about myself overall.
After many a series of bad things, I found a clarity and decided to step away from her. I got tired of being disposable. I avoided her, kept calls short when the kids called either of us. I avoided being mean or off-putting when she annoyed me, but I didn't react. Slowly over the month she started to want to do things together. I mostly avoided, but eventually gave it a try again. I had fun being around her with out the "I am being used" feeling. She has expressed affection towards me when her mom is at their place.(she use to avoid or hide it). She has even said "I love you." in text and to my face( though she still avoids or mumbles it around her mom. She snuggles close most of the time. She has even made a few dirty, flirtatious comments involving us( not happened in several years). We have done nothing holding though. I still initiate that. There has been 0 friendship mentions, but there has been no definite "us" either. 
I don't have my hopes up, but nor do I take this lightly. I still feel confused.
We are going on a family ,multi-night trip as well as just the two of us going to see a concert by ourselves. She has even been open to going to the movies (just us).
I am still cautious as hell. I have revised my ideas about the past,but still know something odd has happened at several points ( I can forgive her and myself for all our faults and mistakes.)


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Has she dated anyone since you separated?


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Agast84 said:


> Like every one on here, I have been going through a separation. I am in month 18.
> I have had my rough points through it all with her as well as myself. In the last year I have learned so much about life outside of marriage, friendship, and myself. I have stumbled, said things, and done things that I wish I hadn't. I have attained my knowledge .I like myself again and feel good about myself overall.
> After many a series of bad things, I found a clarity and decided to step away from her. I got tired of being disposable. I avoided her, kept calls short when the kids called either of us. I avoided being mean or off-putting when she annoyed me, but I didn't react. Slowly over the month she started to want to do things together. I mostly avoided, but eventually gave it a try again. I had fun being around her with out the "I am being used" feeling. She has expressed affection towards me when her mom is at their place.(she use to avoid or hide it). She has even said "I love you." in text and to my face( though she still avoids or mumbles it around her mom. She snuggles close most of the time. She has even made a few dirty, flirtatious comments involving us( not happened in several years). We have done nothing holding though. I still initiate that. There has been 0 friendship mentions, but there has been no definite "us" either.
> I don't have my hopes up, but nor do I take this lightly. I still feel confused.
> ...


If you want her back, it sounds like you are playing a solid game. Great job. Retain your caution for a while. It is attractive to her.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

synthetic said:


> Has she dated anyone since you separated?


I thought maybe, but if she has she hasn't admitted it( nor any contact if you get my drift). She has had some of the habits that made me uncomfortable, but those have drastically subsided. 
I tried, but realized it was wrong and I didn't want it after a few things went wrong in my life( I have not done anything with anyone).


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

GetTough said:


> If you want her back, it sounds like you are playing a solid game. Great job. Retain your caution for a while. It is attractive to her.


I do want her back. I never wanted to separate.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Agast,

Be Careful! Keep playing it like you have been and DO NOT be the first one to bring up the idea of reconciliation! Let it be her idea!


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Agast84 said:


> I do want her back. I never wanted to separate.


Take it slow and cautious. You are doing very well and the new strategy appears to be working.

However -- and its a big however --- if you two do get back -- you have to work on yourselves as individuals and then work on the marriage as well.

Something happened that caused this -- and you both have to confront that.

Good luck.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Agast,
> 
> Be Careful! Keep playing it like you have been and DO NOT be the first one to bring up the idea of reconciliation! Let it be her idea!


Made that mistake last year and a great deal of pain and confusion occurred. I am being careful, thanks for the reminder


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