# Still keeping in contact



## amanda50 (Feb 11, 2009)

I was with my husband for 20 yrs. We have seperated 6 months ago amicably.

We were always really great friends and i dont want to lose that. I call/text and ask him out for meals/drinks now and again which he accepts. However I know the marriage is over and I am now in a new relationship.

I dont want the friendship element of the marriage to disappear but I've been advised to cut ties with my husband and, after a while, see if we can be friends - Advise given by my new boyfriend. and also my husband ! I do see that this is good advice but oh its so hard. My husband was with me for 20 yrs and a major part of my life.

Is this a normal way to feel ?


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Since things have been amicable thus far, then adding conflict might open Pandora's Box. The b/f wants for you to cut ties with your husband, well, he should really step back and just let you and your husband work out whatever it is that you have to work out. 

You did not mention a divorce, so causing conflict with your husband could make any future court sessions painful. Do what you feel is right in your mind and heart. Don't allow someone else to make that choice for you.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Why does your husband want to cut ties ? 
Are these meetings painful for him?
I am a bit confused.
Your bf is probably jealous right?


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## amanda50 (Feb 11, 2009)

My husband says that he would like to stay friends in the future but just needs a break. The bf could be jealous but he feels a break from each other will help us and then later we can continue to be friends. I, on the other hand, would still like to see my husband as we were great friends when we were married. I know many other couples breaking up stay apart from each other and dont see each other. So I guess its the 'right thing to do' in a marriage breakup to stay apart for a while ? If so why should you stay apart for a while ? 

I'm finding it very hard to not contact my husband as I still care for him but I guess I should understand his wishes to cut ties for a while ? 

It is a confusing situation i agree but would be pleased for some perspective on it all.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

amanda50 said:


> It is a confusing situation i agree but would be pleased for some perspective on it all.


It's a great sign that you can both be friends. However, I think what's being said is that you have come to rely on each other as a prop in life, and that is no longer his function. You bf fits the bill in this department. So yeah, maybe back off for a while, and lean more heavily on your bf - he will enjoy catching you when you fall. On the other hand, we should first and foremost rely on ourselves, and then our spouses/ bfs gfs can just be the icing on the cake


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If your husband needs a break, then it would be appropriate for you to recognize and respect his feelings. Tell him to contact you when he is ready. Be prepared for a long wait, however. That may be what he needs. And you should learn to get along without him in your life, because you don't know if/when he will resume contact.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

I think that you need to respect your husband's wishes -
that is what a friend would do


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