# Finding a Counselor



## BoatDrinks

Considering seeing a counselor on my own to figure out how to deal with infidelity by my wife. I had a consultation with one that I really felt comfortable with. Considering the senstitive nature of marriage counseling, as I was looking into her more, I discovered she has a criminal conviction from 3 years ago for theft over 100k. She still is licensed by the state. Unfortunately, as I commented, I really felt comfortable talking to her, liked her approach, etc. Would you trust someone with a recent background like that as a counselor? Of course right now it's next to impossible to find a counselor, and I feel like I really need to work with someone on how to approach my situation.

Thanks!


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## NTA

What did she say that made you feel comfortable. I feel uncomfortable with this therapist. How did she steal 100K? And has she explained why she felt the need to do that? Do you feel comfortable handing over your personal and financial details? Or could you just pay in cash?

Therapists can be pretty scolding people. Sometimes I wonder where they get the his ground from. You don't want to waste your time and money with "whataboutism."

You should also make sure that you and the therapist share the same ethos. For example, they may believe that infidelity is not the sole fault of the cheater. You may believe that the decision to do so is not shared. You will be wasting your time (and money) then explaining that yes you did take out the trash with adequate frequency, put down the toilet seat and so on.


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## BoatDrinks

She was very easy to talk to, laid back yet direct. Through the course of close to an hour initial conversation, she seemed to pick up on things from my comments that made me feel like she is very good at what she does. She and I did seem to have alot of the same thoughts/etc about what is going on, etc. Her comments about working on me first to get ready for a structured conversation with my wife, helping work through what do I really want the outcome to be, etc just seemed like exactly what I need. 

Of course, I had no idea about the legal issue until after the initial conversation. I'm new to all this and in general not real good with relationship stuff, and it just seemed like we were on the same wavelength regarding how to proceed. Lol, and on the "has she explained why she felt the need to steal", well that topic didn't come up. It appears to be embezzlement from a private club.


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## MattMatt

BoatDrinks said:


> She was very easy to talk to, laid back yet direct. Through the course of close to an hour initial conversation, she seemed to pick up on things from my comments that made me feel like she is very good at what she does. She and I did seem to have alot of the same thoughts/etc about what is going on, etc. Her comments about working on me first to get ready for a structured conversation with my wife, helping work through what do I really want the outcome to be, etc just seemed like exactly what I need.
> 
> Of course, I had no idea about the legal issue until after the initial conversation. I'm new to all this and in general not real good with relationship stuff, and it just seemed like we were on the same wavelength regarding how to proceed. Lol, and on the "has she explained why she felt the need to steal", well that topic didn't come up. It appears to be embezzlement from a private club.


Yikes! I am surprised she is still licensed to practice. 

What I suggest is that you look at her professional association and search it for other equally qualified counsellors in your area.


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