# I feel like his mom



## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

Been feeling this way for a long time now and I don't know how to change it. I've tried talking to him and letting him know that I don't just want to be his laundress, accountant, cook. He hasn't taken me out for a date in months and that is pretty normal for the last 7 years or so of our marriage. I've asked for romance, spice, to feel cherished or appreciated and he makes promises that never last more than a week or two. I'm not sure what to do, any advice?


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

I think you need a vacation.

Disney World?


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

of course i could use a vacation, hell no to disney though. the problem has been going on for minimum of seven years. i don't think a temporary solution like a vacation is going to fix anything. our marriage is BORING. He shows no interest in me whatsoever unless he wants sex, then he just goes right back to ignoring me the next day. He doesn't talk to me, flirt with me, spend time with me. He's a sweet and nice man but I feel like I'm alone most of the time...


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## Regretf (Oct 13, 2014)

justmom said:


> Been feeling this way for a long time now and I don't know how to change it. I've tried talking to him and letting him know that I don't just want to be his laundress, accountant, cook. He hasn't taken me out for a date in months and that is pretty normal for the last 7 years or so of our marriage. I've asked for romance, spice, to feel cherished or appreciated and he makes promises that never last more than a week or two. I'm not sure what to do, any advice?


I believe my wife feels like you do. She has told me several times that do to my lack of maturity she had to be like a mom to me, not for 7 years but for a big part of our 5 year marriage. She expected me to change for the better onece our son was born 3 years ago, but not really.

I do help out with the daily chores and i believe 'am a good father, but yes i have neglected her, not taken her for granted and WE stopped working on the marriage and she has told me that she deserves more, that she Works her ass off in and out of the house and feels unnapreciated.

Long story shport we have been separated three weeks and don't know what's going to happen now. She needs to sort out her feelings and find out with the help of IC if she really has what it takes to continue in the marriage, and see real changes in me.

Sorry to hijack your thread, i'm on the other side now.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

I had a friend who was feeling the same as you. One day she decided she could not continue feeling this way, so she started taking action. She told her husband that she was leaving & she told her husband that he could join her if he got his act together. She moved back to the USA (without her husband) & found a job with her old employer. She bought a house & created a new life for herself. Her husband realized he couldn't live without her & joined her in the USA some months later. Her husband definitely improved since he saw tha she was no longer playing with him.

Maybe it's time you do the same?


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

So then what now for you? I am not interested in divorce, we have a little girl too and I love him. I just wish I knew what I could possibly say or do to help him understand. I don't need the moon. A date a few times a month, romantic letters every once in awhile, a conversation that doesn't include cars or football, flowers -- SOMETHING TO SHOW HE THINKS ABOUT ME AT ALL. If you weren't doing these things for her...DO THEM NOW. It's not too late if you still love her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He is that way because you have set it up that way. Stop being his cook/maid/hooker and show him you deserve respect. When he asks why you've stopped doing all the things you're 'supposed' to do, tell him he stopped doing the things HE is supposed to do - being a husband.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

I have thought about separating from him as well. This would be a last resort as I do love him. I have to think long and hard about it -- the last thing I want to do is turn my little girls world upside down just because I'm feeling lonely. I'm honestly not sure what else might open his eyes though...


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

My friend didn't divorce her husband, but the separation made it very real to him that he could lose her. It was drastic, but that's what it took for her husband to get the message. Some people need drastic things to happen to get them to open their eyes.

If it isn't an option for you, have you considered marriage counseling? Either that or continue with the status quo.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

hahaha turnera! Hooker implies I'm getting something for what I'm giving. I like the way you think though. Going on strike and making him do his own laundry and cook his own meals for awhile sounds like it might get his attention. Thanks for the advice.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

Ya we tried the marriage counseling thing once. He went a couple of times then wasn't interested anymore. I'll save the drastic for when I'm feeling hopeless, and unfortunately that day is swiftly approaching.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

First and foremost, have YOU done what you expect him to do? Have you planned something.......took him out on a date etc?

I find that best way to communicate at times is by DOING.

Accept and recognize the fact that "7 year gap" is as much YOUR fault as it is his.

Show him by doing. Most people will feed off of that and by default will take action themselves. 

After 3-6 months of your own doing, if he doesn't start, have a serious conversation and remind him. If that doesn't work, you have to determine if it's a deal breaker or worth ending your marriage over.

But you CANNOT go to him and expect something that you haven't done yourself, I'm sorry.

As far as your "mom" comment. Each and every partner in a healthy relationship has to put on parent hat at times in a marriage. Also, you don't have to do his clothes.....leave it and let him do it. Make sure your chores are balanced (assuming you both work). If he works and you don't, and this is part of your responsibility....then just do it. Don't think of it as "mother" task, think of it as "family responsibility/contribution" task.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

justmom said:


> Ya we tried the marriage counseling thing once. He went a couple of times then wasn't interested anymore.


That's because you continue to meet all HIS needs, while he is not meeting all of yours. He has no REASON to change. No pain.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

Yes DoF we both work. The issue isn't chores. There is not just a lack of dating but of any time/conversation at all. Which makes me feel as though the only thing I'm good for is my half of the chores and the income I bring in. I guess I didn't offer enough background info. Bottom line is a wife gets tired of asking "so would you like to go out" and trying to initiate dates that never happen. A woman wants to feel as though her husband enjoys her company and wants to spend time with her...that's not happening. The reason I feel like his mom is it seems the only value he places on me is what I do for our household. He doesn't seem to see me as a woman who needs his affection and attention. He shouldn't need me to "show" him how to do that, it's a pretty basic thing in a marriage and prior to these last 7 years he was doing these things -- that's why I feel so lonely now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

A lot of men marry just to have the convenience their mother provided. Sounds like that. Start going out without him. Tell him he's welcome to come, but you're going to have a life with or without him. When you DO go out, do NOTHING for him. He can have a great dinner with you - at a restaurant. If not, he can make himself a sandwich.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

No one asked you to act like a mom towards him. That was your choice. You 'fed the beast' so to speak. Of course he passively allowed that to happen so he's at fault as well. 

You have resentment at this point. I wouldn't assume that he doesn't have resentment as well just because he hasn't mentioned it. Men learn not to upset the apple cart by complaining, which might be less painful in the short term, but is really detrimental in the long term. 

You two need to get some *two way * communication going. Be prepared to hear things you don't like. (You're not perfect are you?) If you go into it with ultimatums or try to create a carrot and stick situation you might get a temporary improvement but you won't respect him and he won't feel respected either.


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## Regretf (Oct 13, 2014)

JustTired said:


> My friend didn't divorce her husband, but the separation made it very real to him that he could lose her. It was drastic, but that's what it took for her husband to get the message. Some people need drastic things to happen to get them to open their eyes.
> 
> If it isn't an option for you, have you considered marriage counseling? Either that or continue with the status quo.


This is what's happening to me, or i really hope it is what i need to wake up and be mature, more thoughtful with my wife, less selfish. I don't know if this is my last chance or i'm in the process of losing her. This has open my eyes and i'm doing th best i can to improve myself (IC). It' is very difficult, missing my family everyday.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> That's because you continue to meet all HIS needs, while he is not meeting all of yours. He has no REASON to change. No pain.


Yep. In a nutshell. I was in the similar situation as your H. W is SAHM. I work, pay bills and take care of the house. Grass, repairs and things of that nature. Do help around the house. Dad to our two daughters. Very hands on with our daughters. Concerts. Learning to drive. Active with their schooling. Paying college. Stable home financially. For me, that is all I needed and believed that was enough. 

My W, like you, asked for more attention. Dates and weekends away. I felt my love and attentions noted above was enough. Right?

Wrong! I was mismanaging that part of our marriage. I changed that because after 20 years of unfettering faithfulness from my W she deserved nothing less. Her accepting, over the years, that this was just me. Her looking at all the GOOD things I do instead of the one NEGATIVE thing I do and focusing on that. The mother of our children. We have witnessed life and death together. Purchased houses and made them homes. Had our successes and failures. Lifted each other up when needed. Grounded each other from time to time. 

It was high time I get my sh(i)t together in the romance department. I did so because she deserved it. I wanted to change and give my W that one so simple request and desire of intimacy more often then what was being given. 

The deal is..I wanted to change. I needed to change. Your H appears to not believe MC is worth it. In his mind, if he is not wanting to change then I would guess MC is worthless to him. You H needs to find that desire to change, see you for who you are. What you have done and will do in the future. In short, cherish you for all you do and reciprocate. 

You know what drove it home for me? My W talked with me time and time again about the lack of intimacy. It was no secret. She had every right to leave, D or find a new buddy. She didn't. She stayed the course. Looked at all my good and accepted me for me. For me, that was an epiphany of magnitude! If that was not caring and acceptance for someone then I don't know what the definition of caring or acceptance is. 

From that day on her life has been turned upside down. She said one day a few weeks ago, "We(me) have come full circle in our marriage." That is huge!

Your H needs to cherish and appreciate you. Right now he is not seeing the forest for the trees. Stop doing all you do. Eventually he will figure it out in short order. Also, talk to him again. Leave no doubt as to your feelings. Then when push comes to shove there will be no surprise.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You might also try writing out y'all's list of top 5 Emotional Needs, a list for you and a list for him. Show him on paper that he's getting his top ENs met. Show him that you are not. It may be as simple as that for him to get it. 

I will say, though, that it wasn't until I told my H I was finally ready to leave him - after 30 years - that he FINALLY started waking up.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

I'm sorry if I seem a little antagonistic in my response. I'm not trying to be, it just has been going on so long I'm pretty sure I've tried all of the practical and common sense solutions. I'm beginning to wonder if the answer truly is separation and MC. Although leaving is the last thing I want to do but I don't know how else to make him see how miserable I am...


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> You might also try writing out y'all's list of top 5 Emotional Needs, a list for you and a list for him. Show him on paper that he's getting his top ENs met. Show him that you are not. It may be as simple as that for him to get it.
> 
> I will say, though, that it wasn't until I told my H I was finally ready to leave him - after 30 years - that he FINALLY started waking up.


You just might have to spell it out for him as turnera suggest.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

Just read the latest posts before my last one. Thank you, all of what is being said makes sense. I will continue to try to talk to him, and make sure he understands how important it is to me, and I will also prepare my heart to leave if that is what's necessary to affect change for the better. I have no desire to leave, but I also have no desire to stay -- does that make sense to anyone else?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Talking will do nothing.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

yeswecan-- My H is a hard worker, provider, helps with chores, etc... too. Life revolves around work, home, child with no time taken for "just us". There is no abuse or affairs, there just is nothing between us, no emotional intimacy. I appreciate your response -- it gives me hope!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So start arranging for a weekly babysitter. Start buying tickets to shows or making dinner reservations. Tell him they are planned. And start going.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

turnera, I fear you're right, but he deserves a chance to change with the knowledge of what will happen if the issue is ignored again. If he won't do MC and there is no change I'll know what I need to do. I've never been to the point of willingness to leave -- but I am now and will let him know that this is the last chance before I go.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

justmom said:


> yeswecan-- My H is a hard worker, provider, helps with chores, etc... too. Life revolves around work, home, child with no time taken for "just us". There is no abuse or affairs, there just is nothing between us, no emotional intimacy. I appreciate your response -- it gives me hope!


It is suggested and I will back it up 100%....at least 15 hours is needed per week of just you two time. It can be watching TV. 10 minute coffee together very morning. Finding a mutual hobby together(kids are not hobbies). Only you two can make this time together. No one will schedule it for you. 

And to add...as kids get older and more responsible....life gets a easier. Our daughters are in their late teens. Taking off for my W and me is quite easy now. 

You two have fallen into the parenting doldrums. Happens a lot. It can only take the two of you to get out of it. The same as me and my W had to do.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> So start arranging for a weekly babysitter. Start buying tickets to shows or making dinner reservations. Tell him they are planned. And start going.


:iagree:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

justmom said:


> turnera, I fear you're right, but he deserves a chance to change with the knowledge of what will happen if the issue is ignored again. If he won't do MC and there is no change I'll know what I need to do. I've never been to the point of willingness to leave -- but I am now and will let him know that this is the last chance before I go.


Yes, spell it out for him. If there is no or very little response take further action. You must give him the chance and benefit of the doubt.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

justmom said:


> Just read the latest posts before my last one. Thank you, all of what is being said makes sense. I will continue to try to talk to him, and make sure he understands how important it is to me, and I will also prepare my heart to leave if that is what's necessary to affect change for the better. I have no desire to leave, but I also have no desire to stay -- does that make sense to anyone else?


^ yes it does.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

turnera, part of the problem is his passivity in our relationship. hanging back and doing nothing forcing me make all the plans and decisions because if i don't it just doesn't happen (another reason i feel like his mom). he's content with going out once a year for our anniversary and i'm fed up with taking the lead. part of our talk is going to be about him taking an active role in our marriage and not waiting around for me to do everything.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

wish me luck everyone -- time for a serious heart to heart


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

justmom said:


> turnera, part of the problem is his passivity in our relationship. hanging back and doing nothing forcing me make all the plans and decisions because if i don't it just doesn't happen (another reason i feel like his mom). he's content with going out once a year for our anniversary and i'm fed up with taking the lead. part of our talk is going to be about him taking an active role in our marriage and not waiting around for me to do everything.


I did at one time feel like Julie McCoy from the Love Boat. Constantly making plans the crew and passengers. I discussed it with my wife. She now actively finds things for us to do. It was talking that fixed things. 

Give it all you have in your talk. If your H is to thick to get it consider the more drastic alternative...separation. Sometimes losing something makes one realize what they have. Willing to lose the marriage to save it as it were.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

justmom said:


> wish me luck everyone -- time for a serious heart to heart


Before you go in headlong...really sit and think out all you want to say. Off the cuff can get confusing and possibly misconstrued. List your items from most important to least important. Be steadfast in your resolve. Take no prisoners!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

justmom said:


> Yes DoF we both work. The issue isn't chores. There is not just a lack of dating but of any time/conversation at all. Which makes me feel as though the only thing I'm good for is my half of the chores and the income I bring in. I guess I didn't offer enough background info. Bottom line is a wife gets tired of asking "so would you like to go out" and trying to initiate dates that never happen. A woman wants to feel as though her husband enjoys her company and wants to spend time with her...that's not happening. The reason I feel like his mom is it seems the only value he places on me is what I do for our household. He doesn't seem to see me as a woman who needs his affection and attention. He shouldn't need me to "show" him how to do that, it's a pretty basic thing in a marriage and prior to these last 7 years he was doing these things -- that's why I feel so lonely now.


If you both work than yes, he should be handling 1/2 the chores/house/family responsibility.

SO this begs the question. Why do YOU continue to do it ALL and enabled him to be lazy? Leave it alone and just focus on your 1/2......

You still haven't answered my question. Have YOU organized an event/set a date etc?

I would suggest that you start with 2 above. Don't enable him and make sure your 50% is covered.

It takes 2 to tango. We already know he is not dancing with your on house chores.

But we also know that NEITHER of you is dancing on "organizing dates etc".


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I get that he's passive. But you're the one who can change that, by changing YOU. In fact, my IC specifically TOLD me to stop doing for my husband because we were in the same boat. She said it may not magically turn him into an active partner, not at first, but it will disrupt his leaning on you. She said that I had to pull my 'prop' out from under him that he'd been leaning on, and he'd have two choices - fall flat on his face or learn to stand up on his own two feet. Either way, he'd stop taking me for granted. And it worked. 

Tell him what you want to tell him. Just don't expect it to change him. It never has before, has it? This time, tell him and then explain that THAT is why you are now in survival mode and will be starting to live the life you want to live and he can either come along and stay married to you, or get left behind on the couch and end up divorced at some point, when you realize you no longer need him for anything.

And then go DO it.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

thank you yeswecan and turnera for sticking with me and helping me work through this in my mind. sometimes you just need to know you're not over reacting. i have a plan, and you have both given me great advice to go and DO it. we'll have a talk, I'll lay it all out -- hopes, desires, expectations, needs along with a plan of action if things don't improve. thanks again and i'll keep you all posted


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

justmom said:


> thank you yeswecan and turnera for sticking with me and helping me work through this in my mind. sometimes you just need to know you're not over reacting. i have a plan, and you have both given me great advice to go and DO it. we'll have a talk, I'll lay it all out -- hopes, desires, expectations, needs along with a plan of action if things don't improve. thanks again and i'll keep you all posted


My role on this board is to watch Turnera and nod.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

DoF said:


> If you both work than yes, he should be handling 1/2 the chores/house/family responsibility.
> 
> SO this begs the question. Why do YOU continue to do it ALL and enabled him to be lazy? Leave it alone and just focus on your 1/2......
> 
> ...


I think I answered much of this in a lot of my responses to others. He does help with house chores, that's not the issue. The issue is that I feel like what I do around the household is all he values me for, that and the income I bring in. There is no emotional connection/romance. I've tried to get him to go out with me but I'm tired of being the only one who seems to give a crap about that part of our marriage. THAT is the problem.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

JustMom, your posts have made me think a lot about my parents.

I think my mom could have written your OP thirty years ago. My dad was a reliable, honest, warm man, a loving and doting father, and a faithful husband- all good things. 

When my mom went back to work, my dad started cooking and helping with the chores. He enjoyed going on family vacations (which my mom planned). He and Mom liked to go out to breakfast on the weekends with their friends. They had a nice life.

But romantically, my dad was not in the game. After work he went downstairs to watch TV, and that was all he did. Every night, Monday-Sunday. No dates. No adventures. No discussions. He went into his big chair and that was it. Well- sometimes the neighbor came over and the two men would play chess. Otherwise, my dad was really only interested in TV. 

My mom wanted so much more.

My mom made the decision early on that she was not going to leave. In her mind, she was unhappy but Dad and my sister and I were happy; she wasn't willing to turn it all up-side down to pursue her happiness.

She stayed and built her own life, independently of my dad's. She joined the church choir, learned to play piano, got involved with a singing group, went out to dinner with her female friends. She chased her own happiness.

My sister and I have always thought that she should have left. She could have found a better partner or even just had a more interesting, engaging life without a partner. We have both told her that although we loved dad, neither of us could have stayed married to him like she did; she was a saint. It is only now that I am a parent that I can understand why she stayed.

My sister is in her 40s and is not married (despite receiving two proposals.) She has zero intention of ever getting married. I never planned on getting married unless kids came into the picture; and once I wanted kids I finally got married in my late 30s. If my biological clock had not kicked in, I doubt I would be married today.

It's not that my parents' marriage was bad- it wasn't bad. It just wasn't something that I wanted. Unlike my mom, I grew up in a time when I could go to school, college, get a good job, and support myself. I did not see anything in being married that would have made life better- I could get anything I wanted without being married. Marriage was a suffocation in my mind.

Now that I am married, I love it. It has made my life MUCH better. I am sad and wonder if my mom and dad felt that way, too, but somehow my sister and I both didn't see it. I hope so.

My dad died about 4 years ago. He was quite sick for the last 5 years of his life; my mom is an RN and took great care of him.

She is doing really well now. She has retired, although she picks up some work here and there to pay for her travels without dipping into her savings. She feels financially stable, and a lot of that is thanks to my dad's pension and 401k. 

Now when she thinks of Dad, it is with love and fondness. She knows that she is forgetting the frustrating times- she will say so. Ironically, one of her regrets is that she didn't spend more time with him in front of the TV; she has wondered what would have happened if she would have indulged him. At the time, she hated the TV, she considered it her competition for his time and interest. But in the end, she is glad she stuck it out with him.

She has recently started dating and has a beau. This sweet man takes her out to dinner 2-3 x/week; they also go to the movies, to musicals/theater, they have great conversations. She finally has her companion, someone to go do things with, who loves to spend time with her, who dotes on her.

She is so very happy- it is awesome to see. She is 70 and often says she can't believe life can be so good. 

I wonder though- could she have been this happy at 40, if she'd left? That is 30 long years of lost potential happiness. But of course, there is no way to know what would have happened.

I am just pondering and putting my thoughts out. It's a bit of a thread jack, except I think it's one of your potential futures. I do not envy your situation. 

I truly hope you and your husband are able to get on the same page.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The post below feels both heartfelt and painful.

Since you are here and he is not:
1. Is he like this in general (introverted, etc...) or does he have some close friends?
2. Do you share common interests?
3. In the day to day - what do you do be the fun, upbeat, playful, happy person that draws a partner to them?

I know someone very well who is: smart, organized, kind, fair and decent. They are also somewhat negative,whiney. H comes home to a daily list of what went wrong.....

Not saying you are at all like that. Just asking the question.....





justmom said:


> of course i could use a vacation, hell no to disney though. the problem has been going on for minimum of seven years. i don't think a temporary solution like a vacation is going to fix anything. our marriage is BORING. He shows no interest in me whatsoever unless he wants sex, then he just goes right back to ignoring me the next day. He doesn't talk to me, flirt with me, spend time with me. He's a sweet and nice man but I feel like I'm alone most of the time...


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

Roseaglow your post is beautiful. It is a fairly close rendering of my situation. I felt as though I was looking at my present and my possible future while reading it. I've often wondered if I'm just hanging in there until my daughter is grown. I really don't believe in divorce...the only options I am giving myself are to stay or separate.


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## justmom (Oct 16, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> The post below feels both heartfelt and painful.
> 
> Since you are here and he is not:
> 1. Is he like this in general (introverted, etc...) or does he have some close friends?
> ...


1. Yes he is, we are both very introverted. Neither of us are the life of the party...we are both very low-key. When we were first married and for the first 4-5 years at least we did things together all the time. Movies, dinner out, concerts -- then it just slowly came to an end. He has no friends, and for the entirety of our marriage has only had a couple of acquaintances/work friends. He seems completely content with this and doesn't really desire friendships. I have a handful of close girlfriends I go out to lunch with on occasion which is my preference.

2. Our common interest is our daughter, beyond her and maybe a couple of TV shows we both enjoy that's about it.

3. I try very hard not to complain unless something is really bothering me. Our nightly conversations go something like this:
Me: How was your day?
H: Good and yours?
Me: Good, busy but good
H: What's for dinner?
Me: I thought we'd have _______
H: ok sounds good

The rest of the night carries on in silence for the most part. I used to be bubbly and fun. I think I stopped trying although it comes out once in awhile. My H is a good man which is why this is so hard. He doesn't deserve a mediocre life either.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

justmom said:


> Just read the latest posts before my last one. Thank you, all of what is being said makes sense. I will continue to try to talk to him, and make sure he understands how important it is to me, and I will also prepare my heart to leave if that is what's necessary to affect change for the better. I have no desire to leave, but I also have no desire to stay -- does that make sense to anyone else?


Minor issues can accumulate over time and end up being just as big a problem as a single major issue.

You don't have to separate first to have marriage counselling. Make an appointment and tell him you have an activity planned for just you as a couple to get him there.

Maybe if he gets the message from a professional stranger instead of from the nagging mom-type that he'll have a harder time finding it irrelevant and ignore it.

The therapist should give you activities/homework that you can do together as a couple to strengthen your bond again.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe you can find something you both enjoy that you can do at home. Like maybe set up a jigsaw puzzle on a card table in front of the tv. Sit there and invite him to work it with you as he watches tv. Or get one of those rug kits and sit on the couch with him and create the rug together. Something like that. Let him start to remember what interacting with you was like.


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