# Cancer Survivor trying to be a marriage survivor...



## Jeston (Jan 5, 2013)

Ok, my first post here... In March of '09 I was diagnosed with a stage 4 form of cancer and the doctor said I had a year to live. My wife said "...there's always miracles, right?", to which the doc looked at us both and coldly and matter-of-factly replied "...honestly, no.." Sooooo, anyways here I am in 2013 cancer free, I beat it, for the love of my wife and two young boys. Now the problem, my wife went through an early mid-life crisis. We've been together since we were 18 (we're 34 now) she feels like she missed out on her life, seeing that life can be so short since my sickness, and she has developed an emotional wall from me. She says she still loves me, but just can't connect emotionally to me anymore. She says she want me to sleep with other women (she's been my only...) because she thinks we're missing out all the world has to offer. I don't really want another woman, and I feel that she is wanting me to do that so that she can move on to another man, but she she says it's not that. I'm not sure what my question is, but thanks for listening.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Do you know who the OM is yet?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

While I agree that PTSD could be an issue here I also think while you persue that with some counselin for her, you should also rule out a possible affair or attraction to someone else

Start by going on line and checking her cell phone records for a lot of texts/calls to 1 or 2 numbers you don't recognize

Next, get a keylogger for the PC. This will let you get any passwords to email accounts and Facebook so you can look there and see if she's in contact with someone else

Last, buy 2 VARs and place one under the front seat of her car. Keep the other so you can switch them out.

Does she work? Any other changes you've noticed like more make-up, new clothes or underwear or new hair style? What is your sex life like now and before? Is her phone password protected? Does she always have it with her?

Do not sleep with anyone else until you've ruled out a possible affair. She may be just trying to get you to do this because she already did or wants to!


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## Jeston (Jan 5, 2013)

Zanne said:


> Why are you posting in the Considering Divorce or Separation section? Are you? Why has it come to this point?
> 
> Have you considered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? The journey you and your wife have traveled is extremely stressful. That should be acknowledged. And I agree with Anchorwatch, is there another person in her life?


Oh right, I guess I should have mentioned that, she has asked for a trial separation, she's weakened on that point for now and we're still together, I just posted on here to get some other opinions. We've had a lot of talks, and I'm 99% sure there is no other man. She had been texting with some other guys, but if anything did happen (I believe nothing ever did, I know it may sound naive, but I do believe her) we're past that now. She will be seeing a psychiatrist in the new year coming up soon, so hopefully that will help.


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## smethjoso (Jan 6, 2013)

The journey you and your wife have traveled is extremely stressful. That should be acknowledged.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, guilt can be a pain, so its good she's seeing a shrink.

I guess the other man wasn't all that cracked up to be and now you are plan B.

It sucks to say that, but until she can be honest and face what evr mad her go down that road its all about sweeping it under the rug IMHO.

On a positive note, it sounds like she is willing to face her own issues to save her marriage.

Has the texting stopped? Maybe she took it deeper underground once you found out about the texting?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

"She had been texting with some other guys, but if anything did happen (I believe nothing ever did, I know it may sound naive, but I do believe her) we're past that now"

Sorry but you are being naive. She's ALREADY proven to you once in your marriage that she's capable of deciet

So you know that it is very likely that she at least had an Emotional Affair in the past. As The Guy pointed out, sometimes these type of relationships go underground and the only way to deal with this is to snoop.

There's a chance that this affair may have re-started and that's why she wants out. Time to become a detctive. Don't ask her if anything is going on. Just start to investigate and gather hard evidence.

I think you're in for a bit of a rude awakening here. Sorry


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Jeston said:


> She had been texting with some other guys, but if anything did happen (I believe nothing ever did, I know it may sound naive, but I do believe her) we're past that now.


So that whole grass is greener thing didn't quite pan out as she thought did it?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I just had my two year anniversary of cancer free. 

Life is a gift and we only get it once. Both you and your wife have been through hell and she's looking around and thinking I want LIFE. Everyone reacts differently but it seems to me that half the people hunker down and hold on to what they have and the other half run around trying to experience all the wonderful things about life. Are you hunkering down or are you out there experiencing? Maybe, if you are the hunker down type, she might enjoy some new experiences with you? Not family, just a man and a woman in love and loving life together.

Just a thought I had, with the cancer playing into it.


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