# Proper Boundries



## JustCan'tDeal (Feb 24, 2012)

Hi everyone! I have posted a few times regarding my H's EA and received some really great advice! Thanks! I am happy to say that we are trying to R and so far things seem to be going good and I feel that we are on the right track. It is not easy but we are taking it one day at a time.

One thing that I am having a hard time getting through to him is proper boundries with the opposite sex. He has always been a very friendly/flirty person and I never really thought anything of it. I thought/knew that it was just that...flirting, nothing more. I see now that a lot of what he does and says are inappropriate and disrespectful to our marriage. He does not seem to know where to draw the line and I am having a hard time coming up with a list or something that can spell it out for him. I don't want to end up here again in the future because he never learned proper boundries.

Does anyone know where I might find a list or outline on this subject? Maybe just some suggestions and I can complie a list myself? Thanks in advance for any help, I really appreciate it very much!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Well, I don't have anything per se on boundaries but I'm sure many others here can chime in there. But I would like to post something on how "flirting" has only one purpose. To get women in bed. This is from a PUA website. I'll post the link so that I don't get in trouble.

Maybe show this to your husband so he can reevaluate his "flirting" behavior.

Chateau Heartiste

Flirty Quips To Female Small Talk
April 9, 2012 by Heartiste
Surprisingly few men know how to flirt. (It’s surprising because, given the importance of flirting to evoking a feeling of incipient sexual release in a girl’s mind, you’d think evolution would have ensured a lot more men are skilled at the craft. I consider the absence of widely distributed flirting skills, particularly among northern europeans and asians, to be evidence that for much of mankind’s ancestral past the sex ratio was skewed enough in the typical man’s favor that he didn’t need to learn how to appeal to women’s romantic needs.)

But I digress. When girls ask simple questions, or when they engage in innocuous chit chat, it’s in your interest as a lover of positive, sexualized female attention to answer them in a flirty way. Training yourself to parry female small talk with unexpected flirtatious jousts is, at the least, great for honing your game, even when it doesn’t lead to a bang.

Here are some examples of what I’m talking about. I routinely employ these quips in my daily life anytime I hear an opening in some banal conversation that I happen to be having with a girl. These examples aren’t meant to be lifted verbatim, (although you may do that), but rather to serve as illustration of the type of mindset you should have whenever you interact with women. (Warning: do not use on fat chicks. They may get the wrong idea.)

GIRL: “What time is it?”

A good time.

GIRL: “You came in late today.”

Hard drug use.

GIRL: “Which way is it to [X]?”

You don’t seem like the kind of girl who’d go there.

GIRL: “How are you?”

Irresistible.

GIRL: “Could you watch my laptop for me for a minute?”

Ok, but close your porn windows first. I have a reputation.

GIRL: “What’d you think of [movie X]?”

All right… ready to hang on my every word?

GIRL: “Are you going to [X's] party this Friday?”

Yes. You can be happy now.

GIRL: “What do you do?”

You didn’t just ask that.

GIRL: [in an elevator] “Could you press 4?”

This is just like in the movies!

GIRL: “My shift is ending soon. Can I close you out?”

Your flirting skills need work.

GIRL: “I think the coffee machine’s broken.”

Tried to put vodka in it again, didn’t ya?

GIRL: “Where’s your car?”

Tijuana.

GIRL: “That sounds like a good idea.”

Hey, it’s me!

GIRL: “It’s a really nice day today.”

Thanks!

GIRL: “That’s a cool hat.”

Flattery will get you everywhere.

GIRL: “Are you waiting in line?”

I’d better be. Otherwise I’m standing around looking good for nothing.

GIRL: “That’ll be $69.75.”

I bet you say that to all the guys.

Just kidding about that last one. Sort of.

Flirting with women ties into the whole alpha male philosophy of not taking girls seriously. Treating women’s idle politeness like a sounding board for you to amp up the sexual tension and remind your quarry that you are a highly libidinous, fleshy extension of your turgid **** is good for establishing proper and healthy male-female relations.

When you are flippant with women, they sense that you think you are better than them, and that turns them on. Women love a man who is better than them, but they will accept as a substitute a man who simply thinks he is better than them.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

JustCan'tDeal said:


> Hi everyone! I have posted a few times regarding my H's EA and received some really great advice! Thanks! I am happy to say that we are trying to R and so far things seem to be going good and I feel that we are on the right track. It is not easy but we are taking it one day at a time.
> 
> One thing that I am having a hard time getting through to him is proper boundries with the opposite sex. He has always been a very friendly/flirty person and I never really thought anything of it. I thought/knew that it was just that...flirting, nothing more. *I see now that a lot of what he does and says are inappropriate and disrespectful to our marriage. *He does not seem to know where to draw the line and I am having a hard time coming up with a list or something that can spell it out for him. I don't want to end up here again in the future because he never learned proper boundries.
> 
> Does anyone know where I might find a list or outline on this subject? Maybe just some suggestions and I can complie a list myself? Thanks in advance for any help, I really appreciate it very much!


What are they specifically?


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## JustCan'tDeal (Feb 24, 2012)

Ok, for the most recent example, we were out having a couple of drinks and bumped into one of his former co-workers and were talking. She was talking about her boyfriend and how he is this and that and how he does not trust her...etc. To which my H replied "you are a good person and if I wasn't married you would be the kind of person I would go for" I mean HELLO! I am standing right here! So she left and he said I know you are mad. Damn right I'm mad. He insisted he didn't mean anything by it and that he just wanted her to know that she could do better...he said I didn't mean me! I said it was inappropriate and that this is what I am talking about. Show me and our marriage some respect! It is not your job to make other people feel good about themselves! We talked some more and he agreed that he needs to learn better/proper boundries and that this behaviour is NOT acceptable when you are married.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ropriate-boundaries-members-opposite-sex.html


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

JustCan'tDeal said:


> Ok, for the most recent example, we were out having a couple of drinks and bumped into one of his former co-workers and were talking. She was talking about her boyfriend and how he is this and that and how he does not trust her...etc. *To which my H replied "you are a good person and if I wasn't married you would be the kind of person I would go for" *I mean HELLO! I am standing right here! So she left and he said I know you are mad. Damn right I'm mad. He insisted he didn't mean anything by it and that he just wanted her to know that she could do better...he said I didn't mean me! I said it was inappropriate and that this is what I am talking about. Show me and our marriage some respect! It is not your job to make other people feel good about themselves! We talked some more and he agreed that he needs to learn better/proper boundries and that this behaviour is NOT acceptable when you are married.


Are you guys in your 20s. That sounds like something that someone clueless would say.

I do agree with you that that is nothing something a married should say.

I am amazed at how much stuff I used to think was ok, but it's just not. We're no longer in college, Toto.


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