# Wife (possibly) too close to coworker



## burneraccount

First a little back story on how I finally got to the point where I feel like I needed to post this on a forum like this: 

My wife is a nurse in a extremely busy hospital setting. About 2.5-3 years ago she starting becoming good friends with this new male doctor at the hospital. At first, I dont care. My wife is the type of person that becomes friends with someone a minute after initially meeting them. 

However, it got to the point where a time or two just the two of them would go out for drinks after work. Ok, again whatever. I am jealous of course, since who wouldn't be but whatever. However, it was also strange, since my wife hates going out with only a few people never mind only one person. She played it off as "well we were the last two leaving at that time". 

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, where she almost stayed the night at his place (he is married and his wife would have been there) instead of getting a hotel room if the snow piled up too much to drive home. Now, at this point I am thinking the worse. 1.) damn they must really be BFF at work if he is throwing this offer her way. 2.) now I am thinking about all the stuff that I have noticed in the past (texts between the two of them), how my wife jokes that they are each others work spouses (I f-ing hate that term). How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his. How they become good friends when my wife and I were going through a dry spell in the bedroom that lead to a lot of every mini arguments over the little things that normally would be blown over. How she deletes the texts between the two of them but I dont notice her doing that with other people. 

So now I am of course thinking the worse. And when I did get upset that she never even asked if I minded if she said at his place (btw, she never had to as the snow never amounted to anything), she stated that she doesnt need permission and we are all adults and that she wouldn't mind if roles were reversed since she would be more worried about my safety never mind that it wasnt one or the other (hotel?)

Also, they became good friends before he was even dating his current wife, so even nothing happened/or is happening I cant help but think that my wife has had thoughts. 

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my wife confesses in time that they kissed but nothing else happened or even worse and I cant believe I am at the point that I am thinking this!!!

What I dont get is why did this friendship start to begin with? What good comes from it? Espically since they get coffees together all the time, and I know alot of the nurses probably think something did/is happening. 

Sorry for the long rant but wondering what people think. 

has anyone been in this situation before? meaning spouse becomes friends with someone and at first you arent thinking anything of it, but then you blindsided?


----------



## Yeswecan

From your description, yes, there is more. May not be physical but certainly the thought has crossed their minds. Plus..she is a nurse. A profession that has some numbers for infidelity. My father was as doctor. He is to be believed to have his indiscretion. Further, if there was a snow storm my father would stay at the hospital. Always a gurney or bed available to sleep. No need for a hotel or a coworkers house. 

May be time to start snooping. Also, saying the baby was his as a joke is quite screwed up. There is some truth to jest as they say.


----------



## Herschel

They are ****ing. She is lying. She isn’t even tying to hide it much. Gtfo


----------



## burneraccount

See, I think that is nagging at me big time. Not that something happened, I really trust my wife that the red line to a physical affair isnt going to be crossed. But, when they started their friendship he was single, we had a dead bedroom and I have seen his people online he is your typical ER/Greys doctor you see on TV. In his 30s and good looking. So I always think it, he started on her unit she probably talked to other nurses about how hot he is (which thats one thing) but then starts a friendship with him.


----------



## Noble1

Sorry to hear about your situation.

As you read the threads in this sub-forum, you will unfortunately find out the patterns that come out and look very similar to what you have experienced.

If things have not progressed to the point of no return for you (and this is important) then there is a chance to change things around.

At the most extreme, your wife will have to quit her job there and look for something else with ZERO contact with this "friend".

If you are unsure of their 'current status' and can pull it off, leave things as is for now but look/verify everything you can. At this point though, if you feel the need to "spy" on your wife, your gut is telling you something big so pay close attention to it.

Look up the "standard evidence thread" which will provide much needed advice to you.

Good luck.


----------



## Marc878

She's disrespectful of you and the marriage.

So far you're allowing it.

You've taught her how she can treat you.

Better wake up


----------



## oldtruck

Quietly get a DNA test done on the kid.
Does your wife keep her phone glued to her 24/7?
Does she keep it locked and not let you know the password?
I smell an affair.
As they say the gut is always right.

Get a VAR and hide it in your WW car. Also GPS her car. 
You need to gather intelligence. Do not confront your WW
if you find out anything. Let the people here that have
been through this before help you first.


----------



## burneraccount

thanks for the comment/tips...yes I have started looking at her phone for evidence. Nothing concrete yet that shows nothing more than this guy being a good friend. Of course I am not naive to think that doesnt mean anything. Right now I am just waiting for the shoe to drop (a sext, saying his name in bed, a photo saved on her phone etc.)


----------



## burneraccount

No she doesnt hide her phone at all...one thing too, she is never home late from work or goes out on a day off etc. Of course doesnt mean they dont or havent used the on call rooms at the hospital etc.


----------



## MyRevelation

oldtruck said:


> Quietly get a DNA test done on the kid.
> Does your wife keep her phone glued to her 24/7?
> Does she keep it locked and not let you know the password?
> I smell an affair.
> As they say the gut is always right.
> 
> Get a VAR and hide it in your WW car. Also GPS her car.
> You need to gather intelligence. Do not confront your WW
> if you find out anything. Let the people here that have
> been through this before help you first.


Solid advice ... brother, please listen to those of us who have been where you unfortunately find yourself now. Nothing about your story is good or unique ... this is exactly how A's start, and my guess is they're already there.

Your W is showing you ZERO respect and you're taking it. It's time to put a stop to this nonsense, but first you really need to know what's going on ... so follow the excellent advice you're getting and start snooping. As cavalier as your W is being, it won't take long to find out that you really didn't know your W as well as you thought you did, just like the rest of us found out the same thing about our Ws.


----------



## Marc878

burneraccount said:


> thanks for the comment/tips...yes I have started looking at her phone for evidence. Nothing concrete yet that shows nothing more than this guy being a good friend. Of course I am not naive to think that doesnt mean anything. Right now I am just waiting for the shoe to drop (a sext, saying his name in bed, a photo saved on her phone etc.)


Stop playing this stupid game. Tell her to cut it off or you will.

Do not give untimatums you won't enforce.

good luck with trying to be the non controlling and very supportive, understanding modern husband. That'll get you walked on like you've already gotten.


----------



## LTCNurse

burneraccount said:


> thanks for the comment/tips...yes I have started looking at her phone for evidence. Nothing concrete yet that shows nothing more than this guy being a good friend. Of course I am not naive to think that doesnt mean anything. Right now I am just waiting for the shoe to drop (a sext, saying his name in bed, a photo saved on her phone etc.)


Wait, didn't you say she deletes her texts with him?


----------



## burneraccount

Excellent advise too far, thanks all. And yes so have commented about she knew what she can get a way with. She knew I wasnt going to question, until it got too far, her being friends with a guy other me being jealous. Hell, when she send she was going to stay at his place ("well his wife is there"), the first thing I thought of was how all her friends that are married wouldnt even have had a relationship with a male friend that got to that point cause there is no way in hell their husbands would have been ok with them going out just the two of them with drinks. So yeah I see it now


----------



## burneraccount

She doesnt delete all of them and not all the time


----------



## oldtruck

You have access to WW phone then run a recover APP to get deleted texts.


----------



## burneraccount

Someone earlier posted something about a gathering evidence thread/forum, where is that? Just signed up to this site today. Thanks all


----------



## Graywolf2

burneraccount said:


> Someone earlier posted something about a gathering evidence thread/forum, where is that? Just signed up to this site today. Thanks all


My wife and daughter are physicians and what you describe could be innocent. My daughter has a “hospital husband” that is much older. 

You need to shut up and act normal. 

Here is what you want:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


----------



## Nucking Futs

burneraccount said:


> She doesnt delete all of them and not all the time


That's even worse. It's common for cheaters to delete the incriminating ones and leave the innocuous ones for you to see. If these are text messages you can compare the detailed bill to the ones showing in the phone to see if she's selectively deleting.



burneraccount said:


> Someone earlier posted something about a gathering evidence thread/forum, where is that? Just signed up to this site today. Thanks all


Click the link in my sig.


----------



## sa58

Medical profession is in the top 3
for infidelity. Doctors and nurses 
do cheat.You need to stop it now
before in goes any further IT MAY
HAVE ALREADY!


----------



## SentHereForAReason

burneraccount said:


> She doesnt delete all of them and not all the time


Bingo! She deletes the crossing the line stuff and keeps what would support her story as him being a friend and an alibi. Deleting all texts would make it to obvious. 

Sorry brother, there's AT LEAST an EA here and 51/49 shot there's more. You are getting mixed signals here though about comfronting now and getting absolute evidence to approach. I would take time to get the evidence you need so she cannot blameshift or gaslight you. 

It all leads to the same path though, confronting her and that she must end all contact no matter what. Set a timeline to see of you can get evidence not too long and then write down the plan and rehearse it on what you will say to her how to overcome her emotional obejections and what your deal breakers are and don't waver. This is where you save your marriage or find out it's over soon enough. Either way just sitting back will lead to an ultimate end. Do what a lot of us were too timid to do in the moment. I was where you were last June. Now I'm 3 months from finalizing the divorce and that was her choice. Once she fell in love with OM no chance at reconciliation for us.


----------



## Marc878

You have many red flags man.

If there is anything a deleted text recovery is your best bet.

I would put a VAR in her car too 

But this relationship needs to end. Sooner the better


----------



## stro

I don’t like the term “work spouse” either. Even if they are just friends. And Even if her connection to him isn’t a physical one she is still making a deep connection with another man. That should bother any husband. Also, deleting texts is a red flag for sure. There are ways you can get access to these. Do it. Trust your instincts on this. Protect your marriage.


----------



## Yeswecan

burneraccount said:


> See, I think that is nagging at me big time. Not that something happened, I really trust my wife that the red line to a physical affair isnt going to be crossed. But, when they started their friendship he was single, we had a dead bedroom and I have seen his people online he is your typical ER/Greys doctor you see on TV. In his 30s and good looking. So I always think it, he started on her unit she probably talked to other nurses about how hot he is (which thats one thing) but then starts a friendship with him.


Your gut is telling you something. Trust your gut.


----------



## Yeswecan

burneraccount said:


> , how my wife jokes that they are each others work spouses (I f-ing hate that term). How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his.


This spells it out quite clearly. The thought is there from your W coworker. He has it on his mind. Who the hell would say such a thing to another man's W? It looks to me like testing the waters. Your W is eating up the attention. I would have squashed that in poor taste joke in under a second. Opportunity missed I'm afraid. Mate guard.


----------



## Pepe1970

burneraccount said:


> First a little back story on how I finally got to the point where I feel like I needed to post this on a forum like this:
> 
> My wife is a nurse in a extremely busy hospital setting. About 2.5-3 years ago she starting becoming good friends with this new male doctor at the hospital. At first, I dont care. My wife is the type of person that becomes friends with someone a minute after initially meeting them.
> 
> However, it got to the point where a time or two just the two of them would go out for drinks after work. Ok, again whatever. I am jealous of course, since who wouldn't be but whatever. However, it was also strange, since my wife hates going out with only a few people never mind only one person. She played it off as "well we were the last two leaving at that time".
> 
> Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, where she almost stayed the night at his place (he is married and his wife would have been there) instead of getting a hotel room if the snow piled up too much to drive home. Now, at this point I am thinking the worse. 1.) damn they must really be BFF at work if he is throwing this offer her way. 2.) now I am thinking about all the stuff that I have noticed in the past (texts between the two of them), how my wife jokes that they are each others work spouses (I f-ing hate that term). How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his. How they become good friends when my wife and I were going through a dry spell in the bedroom that lead to a lot of every mini arguments over the little things that normally would be blown over. How she deletes the texts between the two of them but I dont notice her doing that with other people.
> 
> So now I am of course thinking the worse. And when I did get upset that she never even asked if I minded if she said at his place (btw, she never had to as the snow never amounted to anything), she stated that she doesnt need permission and we are all adults and that she wouldn't mind if roles were reversed since she would be more worried about my safety never mind that it wasnt one or the other (hotel?)
> 
> Also, they became good friends before he was even dating his current wife, so even nothing happened/or is happening I cant help but think that my wife has had thoughts.
> 
> I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my wife confesses in time that they kissed but nothing else happened or even worse and I cant believe I am at the point that I am thinking this!!!
> 
> What I dont get is why did this friendship start to begin with? What good comes from it? Espically since they get coffees together all the time, and I know alot of the nurses probably think something did/is happening.
> 
> Sorry for the long rant but wondering what people think.
> 
> has anyone been in this situation before? meaning spouse becomes friends with someone and at first you arent thinking anything of it, but then you blindsided?


I'm sorry my friend and please get my meanings. IF (that's a big IF) they haven't done it, they're planning on it. Do something about it, otherwise you're in it for a rough ride. Welcome to the club!!!!!!!

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


----------



## BarbedFenceRider

"Hospital Husband"..."Work Spouse"..just another euphemistic term to laugh at modern relationships these days and the need for constant excitement and attention. Let alone the ego kibbles they get from somewhere else, other than the marriage....And how do we define infidelity again?


----------



## OutofRetirement

Aside from the specific circumstances, and where it's cheating or not, it is a behavior that hurts you and she doesn't seem to care. She just tells you to either like it or lump it. Is that love? 

You admit you have been very weak in regards to her behavior that hurts you. And as all cheaters I've ever seen, she gave no mercy or compassion and trampled your feelings. 

Even if this is only just an excessive friendship, I think it's time for you to step up and consider who your wife is. Is she a nice person? Who does she love the most in her life? If it is you, then why does she discount or completely ignore your feelings in this matter? 

I recommend showing strength instead of weakness.

Explain the dead bedroom. Was it you or her or both who avoided sex? Medical issues? Or lack of desire? 

Deleting texts. Why?


----------



## OutofRetirement

Are you allowed to ask her why she deletes some texts and not others? Or at all?


----------



## Yeswecan

BarbedFenceRider said:


> "Hospital Husband"..."Work Spouse"..just another euphemistic term to laugh at modern relationships these days and the need for constant excitement and attention. Let alone the *ego kibbles* they get from somewhere else, other than the marriage....And how do we define infidelity again?


Bingo^^^^


----------



## burneraccount

Outofretirement - 

it was mostly me and my mentality and how I dealt with the stress in my life at that time so no desire on my side, however it wasnt like I would throw off me if she initiated. Saw a therapist to deal with that. 

So yeah the fact that thats when she was starting talking to this guy at work doesnt help my thought that something happened.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider

The simple fact that she offered to sleep at the OM's house regardless of OW being there.....Shows she has little regard to your feelings and status in your relationship. You had a dry spell. Whoop dee doo. Many guys get them, but spouses should respect that and help nourish the marriage...Not go looking for strange. Another case of the family appliance is broken, lets go buy new....

I'm sorry for your predicament. But taking action can hold your head high. You are not alone, and did nothing wrong. At best, your WW has got terrible boundaries and needs a reality check. If you have the sit down talk and keep it civil. You may get some insight where she thinks YOUR relationship is...

If not and blame shifting starts, A. You have your answer. (She is cheating)
B. She doesn't regard you highly
c. You haven't discussed your needs and thoughts on marriage boundaries.

Either way...A good 180. Will wake her up. And no, the doctor will not race in to save her. She will be used like a 16g. catheter


----------



## MattMatt

Marc878 said:


> She's disrespectful of you and the marriage.
> 
> So far you're allowing it.
> 
> You've taught her how she can treat you.
> 
> Better wake up


And the Doctor is disrespectful of him, his wife and their marriage:-



> ...How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his.


She should have kicked Doctor Demento into the middle of the week after next for that joke, alone!


----------



## ABHale

burneraccount said:


> First a little back story on how I finally got to the point where I feel like I needed to post this on a forum like this:
> 
> My wife is a nurse in a extremely busy hospital setting. About 2.5-3 years ago she starting becoming good friends with this new male doctor at the hospital. At first, I dont care. My wife is the type of person that becomes friends with someone a minute after initially meeting them.
> 
> However, it got to the point where a time or two just the two of them would go out for drinks after work. Ok, again whatever. I am jealous of course, since who wouldn't be but whatever. However, it was also strange, since my wife hates going out with only a few people never mind only one person. She played it off as "well we were the last two leaving at that time".
> 
> Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, where she almost stayed the night at his place (he is married and his wife would have been there) instead of getting a hotel room if the snow piled up too much to drive home. Now, at this point I am thinking the worse. 1.) damn they must really be BFF at work if he is throwing this offer her way. 2.) now I am thinking about all the stuff that I have noticed in the past (texts between the two of them), how my wife jokes that they are each others work spouses (I f-ing hate that term). How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his. How they become good friends when my wife and I were going through a dry spell in the bedroom that lead to a lot of every mini arguments over the little things that normally would be blown over. How she deletes the texts between the two of them but I dont notice her doing that with other people.
> 
> So now I am of course thinking the worse. And when I did get upset that she never even asked if I minded if she said at his place (btw, she never had to as the snow never amounted to anything), she stated that she doesnt need permission and we are all adults and that she wouldn't mind if roles were reversed since she would be more worried about my safety never mind that it wasnt one or the other (hotel?)
> 
> Also, they became good friends before he was even dating his current wife, so even nothing happened/or is happening I cant help but think that my wife has had thoughts.
> 
> I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my wife confesses in time that they kissed but nothing else happened or even worse and I cant believe I am at the point that I am thinking this!!!
> 
> What I dont get is why did this friendship start to begin with? What good comes from it? Espically since they get coffees together all the time, and I know alot of the nurses probably think something did/is happening.
> 
> Sorry for the long rant but wondering what people think.
> 
> has anyone been in this situation before? meaning spouse becomes friends with someone and at first you arent thinking anything of it, but then you blindsided?


What a fool you were to allow this to happen. This is all on you for not stepping up years ago. 

I would DNA test your kids with what the joke he made. He might be telling the truth. 

Also your wife and the doc and his wife wife might be into threesomes. 

You have allowed this to get away from you. I would never go out for drinks with another woman. I would never be alright with my wife going out on a date with another guy. 1+1= a date.

You allowed this, so congrats for standing by while your wife has a EA or PA.


----------



## ABHale

burneraccount said:


> See, I think that is nagging at me big time. Not that something happened, I really trust my wife that the red line to a physical affair isnt going to be crossed. But, when they started their friendship he was single, we had a dead bedroom and I have seen his people online he is your typical ER/Greys doctor you see on TV. In his 30s and good looking. So I always think it, he started on her unit she probably talked to other nurses about how hot he is (which thats one thing) but then starts a friendship with him.


You have a dead bedroom and you say she would never cross that line. >

You need to read other threads on tam. Everyone says she would never cheat. They have all cheated.


----------



## ABHale

burneraccount said:


> thanks for the comment/tips...yes I have started looking at her phone for evidence. Nothing concrete yet that shows nothing more than this guy being a good friend. Of course I am not naive to think that doesnt mean anything. Right now I am just waiting for the shoe to drop (a sext, saying his name in bed, a photo saved on her phone etc.)


How are you checking if she deletes her texts between them?


----------



## ABHale

burneraccount said:


> Excellent advise too far, thanks all. And yes so have commented about she knew what she can get a way with. She knew I wasnt going to question, until it got too far, her being friends with a guy other me being jealous. Hell, when she send she was going to stay at his place ("well his wife is there"), the first thing I thought of was how all her friends that are married wouldnt even have had a relationship with a male friend that got to that point cause there is no way in hell their husbands would have been ok with them going out just the two of them with drinks. So yeah I see it now


But you are ok with them going out on dates to drink. So if that is all it is then let them keep dating. As long as it’s just drinks I guess.


----------



## SentHereForAReason

ABHale said:


> You have a dead bedroom and you say she would never cross that line. >
> 
> You need to read other threads on tam. Everyone says she would never cheat. They have all cheated.


Fudge, I didn't see that part, about the dead bedroom, another gigantic red, waving flag


----------



## Townes

Having worked in hospitals for many years, affairs between doctors and nurses are shockingly common. Everyone there knows about it, and no one will tell you.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider

Hell, I was a firefighter/Paramedic...And WE at the station scored with nurses and docs ALL THE TIME....( I was single by the way...I didn't marry until later in life)

I always thought it had to do with the course of the job. The cheapness of life and all. Kinda like a eat, drink, be merry situation....


----------



## Noble1

Another point to consider.

If your wife is still talking opening about her "friend" - even if it is disrespectful to you and your marriage, that might be a good thing.

Things have taken a turn underground when this "friend" is no longer a topic of conversation. It means she is hiding something.

Good luck.


----------



## manfromlamancha

A few observations:

Her deleting only some texts (but not all) from and to him is even more suspicious! If she deleted all, that would be bad enough, but selecting which ones to delete raises many more red flags.

Her offering to sleep at his house while his wife was there, was just her prepping you for what would come later which is I am staying there even when his wife isn't. She is getting you used to it.

If I understand you correctly, she started talking to this guy when you ran into sex problems and it dried up with her. Is she generally a very sexual person.

How does his (new) wife compare with your wife? More attractive, less attractive, similar, very different ? If she is similar, he had a thing for your wife which he hoped to fill with his new wife. If she is different, then he gets to have both types. Do you think he hits on other nurses too ?

Did you have any such problems with your wife at the start of your relationship? Is it possible you did, but did not realise it at the time?


----------



## sa58

Tell her and him this stops now.
Consider telling his wife see how she feels
You need to stop this now!!
No more sleep overs at his place.


----------



## Chaparral

How is your sex life now?


----------



## SnowToArmPits

> How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his.


Ya it's hilarious. WTF is with your wife, funny comment? And this doctor was way out of bounds with that smart remark. 

My wife is a nurse, it can be a real challenge with my wife's shift work to spend quality time together. How much romance, tenderness, and respect is there between you and your wife? I guess what I'm really asking are you guys close, in love, or just room mates?


----------



## TRy

burneraccount said:


> However, it got to the point where a time or two just the two of them would go out for drinks after work.





burneraccount said:


> now I am thinking about all the stuff that I have noticed in the past (texts between the two of them), how my wife jokes that they are each others work spouses (I f-ing hate that term). How my wife thought it was funny that he joked that our kid she was carrying at the time she was pregnant was his. How they become good friends when my wife and I were going through a dry spell in the bedroom that lead to a lot of every mini arguments over the little things that normally would be blown over. How she deletes the texts between the two of them but I dont notice her doing that with other people.





burneraccount said:


> when I did get upset that she never even asked if I minded if she said at his place (btw, she never had to as the snow never amounted to anything), she stated that she doesnt need permission





burneraccount said:


> Espically since they get coffees together all the time, and I know alot of the nurses probably think something did/is happening.


You do not need more proof to tell your wife the following:

1) She should not be so close to another man (OM) that she is his "work spouse".
2) You do not think that it is funny that anyone jokes that your child with her is this other man's child.
3) You do like that she goes out alone with this OM so much that others have reason to think that she has cheated or is cheating with him.
4) That you do not agree that married people should have no opposite sex boundaries such that permission is not needed to spend so much time with another man including sleeping over at his house or going for drinks.
5) You do not like that she deletes some of the text messages with this OM to hide them from you.
6) That her relationship with this OM is a text book indication of an emotional affair (EA), and that even if you believe that there has been no physical intimacy, that her EA with him is still cheating.
7) That her ignoring your concerns over this lets you know that she values her relationship with this OM over her relationship with you.
8) That most divorces are not caused by sexual infidelity, but by unhappiness with their marriage, and that you are very unhappy.
9) That she needs to commit to making this marriage work as a priority over her relationship with the OM.
10) That she needs to agree to discuss with you and agree to mutual marital boundaries going forward.

You need to be willing to really end the marriage in order to have a chance to save it. People in EA do not end them unless they think that there will be serious consequences. You should also understand that it may be too late and she may pick the OM, in which case you will know that it is time to move on. Time is not on your side. The longer this goes on, the more likely she will be willing to lose you for the OM.


----------



## GusPolinski

Wife (definitely) too close to co-worker.


----------



## Chaparral

GusPolinski said:


> Wife (definitely) too close to co-worker.


What sis the app you were posting about thatyou like better than Dr Fone?


----------



## Chaparral

You need to get the book NOT JUST FRIENDS for you and your wife before you do anything else. You need to read MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER to see if you are in tune with being a good husband.

If you had read MMSLP before this happened, it wouldn’t have.


----------



## GusPolinski

Chaparral said:


> What sis the app you were posting about thatyou like better than Dr Fone?


Can’t remember. Need to reconnect my PC and give it a look. Been slooooowly moving/rearranging my home office over the course of the past couple of weeks.


----------



## JohnA

@Chaparral, AMEN. This is a book written in the late eights, early nineties. She has since passed away, but her family keeps her site running as a memorial to her and her work. I know of one poster who printed out all the comments on his thread, gave her a copy of the book. It saved his marriage. Was that poster's wife cheating, big maybe. When he stop posting he seemed to think no and the behavior had stopped.

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES are everything.


----------



## SpinyNorman

MyRevelation said:


> Solid advice ... brother, please listen to those of us who have been where you unfortunately find yourself now. Nothing about your story is good or unique ... this is exactly how A's start, and my guess is they're already there.
> 
> Your W is showing you ZERO respect and you're taking it. It's time to put a stop to this nonsense, but first you really need to know what's going on ... so follow the excellent advice you're getting and start snooping. As cavalier as your W is being, it won't take long to find out that you really didn't know your W as well as you thought you did, just like the rest of us found out the same thing about our Ws.


Might want to find out if this is legal in your state or not. Nothing like trying to get ammunition on her and giving it to her instead.

TS, you seem like a bit of a jealous person, so that makes it harder to evaluate what you say. My observation is this forum tends to assume the worst. You might want to read some other threads on the subject or posts by people in this thread to get a baseline.


----------



## Nucking Futs

SpinyNorman said:


> Might want to find out if this is legal in your state or not. Nothing like trying to get ammunition on her and giving it to her instead.
> 
> TS, you seem like a bit of a jealous person, so that makes it harder to evaluate what you say. *My observation is this forum tends to assume the worst.* You might want to read some other threads on the subject or posts by people in this thread to get a baseline.


It's a pretty safe bet when you have this many red flags flying. Go ahead and read a bunch of threads, you'll understand why we jump the way we do.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

She is doing the horizontal mambo with him. Wake up and smell the damn coffee. Why have you allowed what has transpired? First, a married woman should not go out for drinks with a man who is not her husband. Ditto for staying at his house,

My friend, she has no respect for you to do this. She is flaunting it in your face daring you to take action, Be a man!


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

ABHale said:


> But you are ok with them going out on dates to drink. So if that is all it is then let them keep dating. As long as it’s just drinks I guess.


AB, you hit the nail on th head.


----------



## VladDracul

Yep. Based on the evidence presented, the doctor is in.


----------



## Tatsuhiko

I don't think they've done the deed. There's no way she would joke about carrrying his baby if they'd been having sex. Her goal would be to throw you OFF the trail, not ON it.

That being said, there is no way this is a normal relationship. Married women do not go out for drinks alone with a man. I'm curious why the doctor's wife seems so unconcerned and allows this to continue. My wife would have nipped this is the bud right away. I wouldn't have to nip this in thr bud with my own wife, because she simply would have never let it start. I'd be curious to see what his wife thinks, but you might come across as a controlling weirdo in their eyes.


----------



## The Middleman

@burneraccount What do you think your wife’s reaction would be if you told her that you want her to end her relationship with her opposite sex BFF and find another job? And what would her reaction be if you told her you would make having the “friendship” very difficult for her if it continued?


----------



## Malaise

Tatsuhiko said:


> I don't think they've done the deed. There's no way she would joke about carrrying his baby if they'd been having sex. Her goal would be to throw you OFF the trail, not ON it.
> 
> That being said, there is no way this is a normal relationship. Married women do not go out for drinks alone with a man. *I'm curious why the doctor's wife seems so unconcerned and allows this to continue.* My wife would have nipped this is the bud right away. I wouldn't have to nip this in thr bud with my own wife, because she simply would have never let it start. I'd be curious to see what his wife thinks, but you might come across as a controlling weirdo in their eyes.


He ( and we ) only have his W's word concerning the doc's wife.


----------



## BobSimmons

burneraccount said:


> where she almost stayed the night at his place (he is married and his wife would have been there)


Whether she's cheating or not, you don't know whether the wife would have been there, besides that it really doesn't matter, is his house close to the hospital? Why would it have been better to stay there instead of coming home or getting a hotel?



burneraccount said:


> How she deletes the texts between the two of them but I dont notice her doing that with other people.


If there's nothing to hide then there's no need to delete texts, of course you challenged, and you got called out and you did nothing..leading to..



burneraccount said:


> she stated that she doesnt need permission and we are all adults and that she wouldn't mind if roles were reversed since she would be more worried about my safety never mind that it wasnt one or the other (hotel?)


You absolutely got called out, then you got laid out. This isn't even about buddy but her attitude is suck up, I can do what I want. I dont even thing she's having an affair with this guy, it's too obvious and besides you could go to the guy's wife and really mess things up. I think there's someone else and this guy's her ready made excuse.



The fact you're complaining and hand wringing when you've been called out means curtains for you pal. Whether it's this guy or another, you're in a world of hurt.


----------



## toucheturtle

It's possible this place is a satellite place that he uses to chill before he returns to his real home.doctors can afford two homes like a man cave.this does sound suspicious guy.I would play it cool and observe from a distance.hey there is a new bug in town it's the Giymore global gPS mini a8 tracker.it has two mics on it for listening and calls in when the mic is actavated.I was watching videos about it on you tube.


----------



## 23cm

toucheturtle said:


> It's possible this place is a satellite place that he uses to chill before he returns to his real home.doctors can afford two homes like a man cave.this does sound suspicious guy.I would play it cool and observe from a distance.hey there is a new bug in town it's the m8 GPS tracker.it has two mics on it for listening and calls in when the mic is actavated.I was watching videos about it on you tube.


Not to T/J, but would like more info on the GPS tracker you referenced. Mr. Google doesn't seem to provide info necessary from your reference. Thanx


----------



## OutofRetirement

burneraccount said:


> Sorry for the long rant but wondering what people think.
> 
> has anyone been in this situation before? meaning spouse becomes friends with someone and at first you arent thinking anything of it, but then you blindsided?


I have heard of the term "spouse work" but I've only known one "couple" who actually said that out loud. It has gone on for years and still is going on. The woman is married, the man is single and as far as I know never had a serious girlfriend. I used to work with the man years ago and have stayed in touch. The woman i used to work with years ago but did not stay in touch. I directly asked the man a few years ago iwhat was up with that and he said it was platonic. The other employees (some of whom I also used to work with years ago) who work with them have doubts, and this guy knew some people questioned it. In my opinion is that it looks bad but actually is platonic. The term "working spouse" makes me uncomfortable. I find it to be disrespectful to the actual spouse. I asked the guy once was he worried that the woman's real spouse is ever going to show up and punch him in the mouth.

I would be shocked if you find any stories on this forum where it didn't turn out to be cheating. Because the stories in this forum, there are more than what just "friends"? Usually there are glaring red flags, LIKE DELETED TEXTS, and almost always when there is smoke, there is fire. Most people can tell the difference between smoke coming out of the car's tailpipe, morning fog, and actual smoke from fire.

Once you are suspicious your spouse is cheating, it's usually not too far after that when you find it either is or not. You'll catch a message or a voice activated recorder to show you the truth.

In my opinion, the number one sign of cheating is hiding or guarding the phone. Like deleting texts. But also having it passworded, and keeping it on their bodies at all times. That's the easiest sign to see, and the most common. The second number sign of cheating is behavior. The suspected cheater being distant, cold, and the finds everything about their spouse annoying or finds fault on even petty things. As well as losing family time - waking up in the middle of the night to text someone, going out of the house to buy milk and coming back three hours later, coming in to work early and/or leaving late, coming home with nights out with friends or work dinners after midnight, etc.

In many affairs, there is a weeks-months courting process, where boundaries are crossed. More frequent texts, starting to occassionally exchange sexual innuendos, increasing compliments related to looks and attractiveness, touching the others' shoulders or arms when talking, more eye contact and smiles, etc. During this courting process, one or both of them are "testing the waters." Then one fully steps over the boundary, tries to kiss or sends an innappropriate sext. Then they will make their "affair rules." Like, "we'll never leave our marriages, but we'll just supplement our marriages with this." Or, "I love you like I've never loved before, and I want to leave my spouse and have babies with you."

But no matter what their relationship is now, nothing ever stays the same forever. Not marriages, not friendships, not work, not your children. Everything changes over time.


----------



## Sparta

There’s no EA It’s a full physical affair, let’s just get that straight right now. If I was you I would take some serious actions I would file for divorce, after she made that comment to you about how she’s an adult she doesn’t need get your permission she can do whatever she wants.! Right there is all the proof you need with that s.hitty attitude of hers (immediately after her making that statement) my next words out of my mouth would’ve been. “you can do whatever you want single Because that is what you’re going be soon enough, I am filing for divorce. and then telling her to go f.uck herself...


----------



## thedope

Way to far. Dude saying while your wife was pregnant it was his kid “jokingly”. F that. I’d give her two options.

1. Polygraph
2 divorce

She will call you controlling and paranoid but something is going on there. 100% it’s in appropriate relationship


----------



## TDSC60

Chaparral said:


> What sis the app you were posting about thatyou like better than Dr Fone?


My son just 5 week ago found some troubling message & photos of his wife sent to an old BF of her's on FB.

He has been in detective mode since. He works with several large companies and one of the resident computer dudes is helping him. This guy told him that a program called "Imaging" or "Image" (not sure of the spelling) can recover all messages and pics from deleted apps *IF* you know the ID & PW she used for the app. He told my son to install the program on a computer, then connect her phone to the computer. He told him it takes about 15-20 minutes, then my son can return her phone and read any and all messages sent or received through any app at his leisure. Even the apps that supposedly delete message after a few seconds.

Son is going to try it when he gets a chance.

She uses an iPhone - don't know how it might work with android (or even if it works at all).


----------



## Tatsuhiko

She's not physically cheating... yet. The day you'll know she is is when she _stops_ talking about him. Then one day she'll tell you that she's going out with "some of the girls" after work. The outing will last longer than expected. You'll casually ask how he's doing and she'll say some disparaging things about him, or that she lost touch with him. Her phone will become locked down and she'll start picking fights with you over stupid things. It's your call if you want it to get to this point.


----------



## TDSC60

I agree that red flags are flying. Even if not physically cheating now, his wife should have enough respect for her husband to stop behavior that makes him uncomfortable. 

Have you told your wife that you are not comfortable with how her friendship with the Doc is now or how the "work husband" comment makes you feel. Not to mention the "his baby" joke?

The "joke" about being his baby is exactly what I would expect from cheaters who thought they were sharing a private, secret moment joking about it in front of their coworkers. Or they thought that acting this way would eliminate suspicions of an actual affair because, if they openly joked about it then no one would think it could be true or possible.


----------



## [email protected]

She's cheating!


----------



## SpinyNorman

ABHale said:


> You have a dead bedroom and you say she would never cross that line. >
> 
> You need to read other threads on tam. Everyone says she would never cheat. *They have all cheated.*


To quote Napoleon Dynamite, who would claim to know this? Can you even list every thread where someone claimed their spouse wasn't cheating, let alone supply proof they all were?


----------



## ABHale

SpinyNorman said:


> To quote Napoleon Dynamite, who would claim to know this? Can you even list every thread where someone claimed their spouse wasn't cheating, let alone supply proof they all were?


All of the ones I have read, they cheated.


----------



## SpinyNorman

ABHale said:


> All of the ones I have read, they cheated.


Since you are posting in this thread, I assume you've read it and if so you've concluded it involves cheating. But if we don't accept your conclusion here, why should we accept your conclusion in any of the other threads you've read?


----------



## 3putt

SpinyNorman said:


> Since you are posting in this thread, I assume you've read it and if so you've concluded it involves cheating. But if we don't accept your conclusion here, why should we accept your conclusion in any of the other threads you've read?


You're the new person here with obviously very little experience in this, while @ABHale has two years here under his belt and has read plenty about these situations on this board. Why should 'we' accept anything you say over what he says?


----------



## ABHale

SpinyNorman said:


> Since you are posting in this thread, I assume you've read it and if so you've concluded it involves cheating. But if we don't accept your conclusion here, why should we accept your conclusion in any of the other threads you've read?


Maybe you need to go back to bed and get up on the other side or do you just like picking an argument?

Either way have a great day.


----------



## jsmart

Your wife has no respect for you. How you let this fester for so long is beyond me. Going out for drinks alone? Do you know how many place there are for a quickie or BJ in most offices and especially a hospital? Not to mention, having sex or BJ in a car in a empty section of a park during lunch.

I would say it's been a PA since around the time she started cutting you off. Wants to be loyal to Dr Douche. Her telling you straight out that she doesn't have to answer to you about staying at his place tells you right there that she does not see herself as your wife.

As a doctor, he has a high social status. That is a POWERFUL draw to women. Your wife see's this guy as a better man and would rather submit to him as his side chick than submit to you as your wife. 

BTW, you better get a DNA test of the kid. Would not surprise me in the slightest, if that's his kid. She may feel it's better to have the child of a dynamic doctor who goes for what he wants than to carry the child of a fearful husband that allows his "wife" to walk all over him.


----------



## Beach123

You need to take action to change all of this! Start taking control. Find out more...you need more evidence, a DNA test for the child and a polygraph.

Hire a PI if needed. Looks like you've been played the royal fool/doormat and you need to take charge of YOUR future.

She's cheating. No woman does those things if they aren't cheating - she just figures if she's obvious about it you may not suspect. She was correct, for a while.

And I doubt his wife was home - likely she was away and she lied about that too. 

She's been lying a long time. What do you plan to do about it now?


----------



## The Middleman

Looks like we have another MIA OP who most likely heard things he didn’t want to hear.


----------



## SentHereForAReason

The Middleman said:


> Looks like we have another MIA OP who most likely heard things he didn’t want to hear.


Ugh, could be or maybe just busy putting plans into action ... hopefully. I would take time away from posting here when I was busy with objectives, plans, etc but would still read every day. I should of just kept posting lol, the well intentioned plans feel quite short both times.


----------



## Chaparral

SpinyNorman said:


> To quote Napoleon Dynamite, who would claim to know this? Can you even list every thread where someone claimed their spouse wasn't cheating, let alone supply proof they all were?


Stick around and keep reading. You will find the biggest red flag of all is that the poster is here looking for help. You will eventually find about 99% of the folks that come here find their spouse is cheating. Though it may be unbelievable it’s sadly true. People here, as a rule don’t tell new posters this and constantly hope each new poster finds out they are mistaken. It simply doesn’t happen hardly ever.

Red flags are flying here. Period. She’s a nurse. Affairs in hospital are as common as it gets. A nurse was once asked if it was as bad as the TV shows make it look. She said it was much worse. Especially on the night shift when fewer people were around and there were plenty of rooms with beds.

Hell, when teachers or nurses are the suspects here, the odds are probably 100%.


----------



## BluesPower

SpinyNorman said:


> To quote Napoleon Dynamite, who would claim to know this? Can you even list every thread where someone claimed their spouse wasn't cheating, let alone supply proof they all were?





Chaparral said:


> Stick around and keep reading. You will find the biggest red flag of all is that the poster is here looking for help. You will eventually find about 99% of the folks that come here find their spouse is cheating. Though it may be unbelievable it’s sadly true. People here, as a rule don’t tell new posters this and constantly hope each new poster finds out they are mistaken. It simply doesn’t happen hardly ever.
> 
> Red flags are flying here. Period. She’s a nurse. Affairs in hospital are as common as it gets. A nurse was once asked if it was as bad as the TV shows make it look. She said it was much worse. Especially on the night shift when fewer people were around and there were plenty of rooms with beds.
> 
> Hell, when teachers or nurses are the suspects here, the odds are probably 100%.


Just like @Chaparral said, it is almost always the case that if a Spouse is here asking, then the other spouse is cheating. 

I have been through this and have been on other boards and the fact is that a huge portion of BS have a gut feeling and they are almost always right. 

Now, some of them are just stupid or insecure because they let their spouse engage in behaviors that almost always lead to an affair. They don't want to seem controlling, they don't what to act insecure, they want to be adults and let them have opposite sex friends, they are conflict avoidant, the let the sex in the relationship and don't make an effort to get it to change. 

For men, this is often a result of them being a beta male and not understanding how things work in life. The list just goes on and on...

But if some one is wondering, there is almost always a reason why. 

In this thread, my money says that she has been screwing around for a while, and eventually OP will discover it and will start the pick me dance and try to beg her back. 

When the right thing to do is file for divorce and have her served. If there is a chance to save the marriage, that will wake her up and if there is no chance then he will be ahead of the game for divorce...


----------



## Gabriel

The comment that bothered me the most was "we are adults and I don't need permission". Yikes. 

You've let this go on way too long. 

By doing so, you've lost her respect.


----------



## Malaise

Gabriel said:


> The comment that bothered me the most was "we are adults and I don't need permission". Yikes.
> 
> You've let this go on way too long.
> 
> By doing so, you've lost her respect.


Saying that to OP revealed how little respect she had for him at that point. And, as you say, not challenging her strongly he's lost what little respect she had left.


----------



## SpinyNorman

3putt said:


> You're the new person here with obviously very little experience in this, while @ABHale has two years here under his belt and has read plenty about these situations on this board. Why should 'we' accept anything you say over what he says?


As I read it, he is the one asking us to accept that "they all have cheated". I don't think I've asked anyone to take my word for anything, have I? 

If you think this particular forum is the only place to get experience, you might want to broaden your horizons.


----------



## 3putt

SpinyNorman said:


> As I read it, he is the one asking us to accept that "they all have cheated". I don't think I've asked anyone to take my word for anything, have I?
> 
> If you think this particular forum is the only place to get experience, you might want to broaden your horizons.


After 2 infidelities, countless books/articles read and 5+ years around here my horizons are more than sufficiently broadened.

But thanks for playing.


----------



## SpinyNorman

3putt said:


> After 2 infidelities, countless books/articles read and 5+ years around here my horizons are more than sufficiently broadened.
> 
> But thanks for playing.


So why did you call me inexperienced without knowing anything other than my tenure on this forum?


----------



## 3putt

SpinyNorman said:


> So why did you call me inexperienced without knowing anything other than my tenure on this forum?


Just forget I ever addressed you, okay? And I promise you I won't again. I don't have time for this nonsense.


----------



## SpinyNorman

BluesPower said:


> Just like @Chaparral said, it is almost always the case that if a Spouse is here asking, then the other spouse is cheating.


I will bet cases w/ suspicions are more likely than the general married population, but it is easy to overestimate. Confirmation bias is when you seek confirming examples but make no effort to count examples that don't back you up.

Someone who worked in a hospital once told me the ER is crazy during a full moon. I thought that was interesting, but later I read that when they actually did stats at difft. hospitals there was no correlation. Every time there was a crazy night on a full moon, people would nod their heads and feel confirmed, but if they'd been as diligent w/ counterexamples this wouldn't have gotten off the ground.


> I have been through this and have been on other boards and the fact is that a huge portion of BS have a gut feeling and they are almost always right.
> 
> Now, some of them are just stupid or insecure because they let their spouse engage in behaviors that almost always lead to an affair. They don't want to seem controlling, they don't what to act insecure, they want to be adults and let them have opposite sex friends, they are conflict avoidant, the let the sex in the relationship and don't make an effort to get it to change.


More critical thinking here, are you saying a spouse w/ opposite sex friends almost always leads to an affair? 


> For men, this is often a result of them being a beta male and not understanding how things work in life. The list just goes on and on...


I've heard this theory but if it is just someone's theory packaged into a book w/o some independent studies to back it up then I am skeptical.


> But if some one is wondering, there is almost always a reason why.
> 
> In this thread, my money says that she has been screwing around for a while, and eventually OP will discover it and will start the pick me dance and try to beg her back.


 I dunno about this one, as I said before I think OP is jealous by nature and therefore prone to cast this in a bad light. I do read some threads where it looks very much like infidelity to me.


> When the right thing to do is file for divorce and have her served. If there is a chance to save the marriage, that will wake her up and if there is no chance then he will be ahead of the game for divorce...


I'm not sure how having someone served puts you ahead in the divorce game. I think most of the time it sets a confrontational tone which isn't good for anyone except the lawyers involved.


----------



## SpinyNorman

Chaparral said:


> Stick around and keep reading. You will find the biggest red flag of all is that the poster is here looking for help. You will eventually find about 99% of the folks that come here find their spouse is cheating. Though it may be unbelievable it’s sadly true. People here, as a rule don’t tell new posters this and constantly hope each new poster finds out they are mistaken. It simply doesn’t happen hardly ever.
> 
> Red flags are flying here. Period. She’s a nurse. Affairs in hospital are as common as it gets. A nurse was once asked if it was as bad as the TV shows make it look. She said it was much worse. Especially on the night shift when fewer people were around and there were plenty of rooms with beds.
> 
> Hell, when teachers or nurses are the suspects here, the odds are probably 100%.


I have done some reading. Some of them I believe are facing infidelity, others it's hard to tell. Of course it isn't possible to find out your spouse isn't cheating(unless they never leave your sight), but it is possible to find out they are. So any w/o infidelity just show up as "unknown".


----------



## SpinyNorman

ABHale said:


> Maybe you need to go back to bed and get up on the other side or do you just like picking an argument?
> 
> Either way have a great day.


Sorry if it seemed like I was picking on you, but it seemed like you were exaggerating.


----------



## SpinyNorman

3putt said:


> Just forget I ever addressed you, okay? And I promise you I won't again. I don't have time for this nonsense.


As a wise man once said, thanks for playing.


----------



## ABHale

SpinyNorman said:


> Sorry if it seemed like I was picking on you, but it seemed like you were exaggerating.


Wish I was. I guess we go with court rules, no blood no foul. 

We are all here to try and help. Some time that means waking someone up to what might be going on. Unfortunately if they are here in CWI, that is actually what is going on. The OP just doesn’t want to face it at times. 

Later SN.


----------



## BluesPower

*While don't your background or age...*



SpinyNorman said:


> I will bet cases w/ suspicions are more likely than the general married population, but it is easy to overestimate. Confirmation bias is when you seek confirming examples but make no effort to count examples that don't back you up.
> 
> Someone who worked in a hospital once told me the ER is crazy during a full moon. I thought that was interesting, but later I read that when they actually did stats at difft. hospitals there was no correlation. Every time there was a crazy night on a full moon, people would nod their heads and feel confirmed, but if they'd been as diligent w/ counterexamples this wouldn't have gotten off the ground.
> 
> More critical thinking here, are you saying a spouse w/ opposite sex friends almost always leads to an affair?
> 
> I've heard this theory but if it is just someone's theory packaged into a book w/o some independent studies to back it up then I am skeptical.
> I dunno about this one, as I said before I think OP is jealous by nature and therefore prone to cast this in a bad light. I do read some threads where it looks very much like infidelity to me.
> 
> I'm not sure how having someone served puts you ahead in the divorce game. I think most of the time it sets a confrontational tone which isn't good for anyone except the lawyers involved.


While don't your background or age... you can through out all of the Differential Logic that you want. 

And you are free to believe what you want of course, but if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it really might be a duck. 

If you want to test some of our assumptions, you are free to research every single post on this site and every other site like this and see what your research shows. 

Spoiler alert: what me and the other guys are saying is correct about 99.999% of the time. But you can do the research and prove us wrong. 

I will tell you this. At some point, this OP is going to find conclusive proof that his wife is cheating. I promise you that. 

I myself would not wait that long to file for divorce. 

You should know that when you give the weak men (or women) that come to these sites to ask for advice... when you give them hope that goes against the collective knowledge and years of experience on these sites... you do them a disservice. 

I realize that you may not believe that. Just to give you some anecdotal evidence, on the main site the I usually post on, on a period of 2 or 3 years, I called every single post correctly that dealt with infidelity. I have no idea how many it was. 

But yours truly called it every single time, for a while everyone on the site in that section would scream at me that there was no way that I could know that. Eventually, they stopped saying that. 

My point is that you can argue that we all jump to conclusions , but the fact is that we are almost always right. 

In this case, he wife is physically cheating on him, bottom line. She has zero respect for him and she is using him. He knows in his heart what is going on. But her wants a smoking gun. But he is too weak to go and get that smoking gun. 

What will happen is that he will just finally get tired of it and divorce her or he will find the smoking gun and then divorce her. 

Just wait and see what happens...


----------



## SpinyNorman

*Re: While don't your background or age...*



BluesPower said:


> While don't your background or age... you can through out all of the Differential Logic that you want.


I honestly don't understand this sentence.


> And you are free to believe what you want of course, but if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it really might be a duck.
> 
> If you want to test some of our assumptions, you are free to research every single post on this site and every other site like this and see what your research shows.
> 
> Spoiler alert: what me and the other guys are saying is correct about 99.999% of the time. But you can do the research and prove us wrong. [\quote]
> No, actually I can't. As I said in one post or the other, you can never prove someone isn't having an affair. So maybe I could prove some of them were right, but I can't prove you wrong under any circumstance. A post in this thread refers to the OP not coming back, and mentions it as "another". I've seen this more than once. In threads like those, there is no proof of the outcome.
> 
> 
> 
> I will tell you this. At some point, this OP is going to find conclusive proof that his wife is cheating. I promise you that.
> 
> I myself would not wait that long to file for divorce.
> 
> You should know that when you give the weak men (or women) that come to these sites to ask for advice... when you give them hope that goes against the collective knowledge and years of experience on these sites... you do them a disservice.
> 
> I realize that you may not believe that. Just to give you some anecdotal evidence, on the main site the I usually post on, on a period of 2 or 3 years, I called every single post correctly that dealt with infidelity. I have no idea how many it was.
> 
> But yours truly called it every single time, for a while everyone on the site in that section would scream at me that there was no way that I could know that. Eventually, they stopped saying that.
> 
> My point is that you can argue that we all jump to conclusions , but the fact is that we are almost always right.
> 
> In this case, he wife is physically cheating on him, bottom line. She has zero respect for him and she is using him. He knows in his heart what is going on. But her wants a smoking gun. But he is too weak to go and get that smoking gun.
> 
> What will happen is that he will just finally get tired of it and divorce her or he will find the smoking gun and then divorce her.
> 
> Just wait and see what happens...
> 
> 
> 
> We may see, we may not. I don't claim to know, all any of us can do is the educated guess.
Click to expand...


----------



## Evinrude58

She told him she didn’t need permission....
She goes for drinks with a male Dr.
She jokes about him being her work spouse and he that the baby is his.
She talks about spending the night with him.

Is she cheating? i don’t know. 

Is she disrespecting her husband, and is he acting weaknout of fear she will leave him?
Yes. And that is the beginning of the end.

Whether she’s “innocent” or not is immaterial. She is not showing her husband who has brought something to her attention that is bothering him, any respect whatsoever. She’s not shown any empathy to him whatsoever.

What OP needs to do is whatever it takes to get her attention. Ofshe cares so little that any tiny thing he does, she leaves over, then she was plNning in leaving all along.

Never get in a relationship with a woman. Where she tells you how it is and let’s you know your feelings about something don’t count. Especially about the opposite sex. It never ends well.


----------



## jsmart

He'll be back. Right now he's in denial. His gut is screaming so badly that he signed up on an infidelity discussion board for direction but isn't ready to accept that his wife could betray him this deeply and for this long. He probably was not expecting such an overwhelming response that there is more going on.

We TAMers see right through this. The amount of stories most of us have read on TAM, Loveshack, and SI it becomes so easy to spot the holes in the stories. The amount of excuse making that many BHs have for their obvious WW are equal to the marital history revisionism that many WWs indulge in to ease their minds of guilt.

On Loveshack @BluesPower calls it all the time. He also catches heat there from the MANY waywards that try throw up dust to confuse an obvious situation. I'm the same way. So many times I feel like Neo in the Matrix. Able to see right through all the code. 

Every once in a while you get some high minded people that like to make it seem that we're all some bitter, closed minded people that are trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. The issue is that if you're here long enough, you'll see that people committing adultery are so predictable.


----------



## BluesPower

*Amen brother...*



jsmart said:


> He'll be back. Right now he's in denial. His gut is screaming so badly that he signed up on an infidelity discussion board for direction but isn't ready to accept that his wife could betray him this deeply and for this long. He probably was not expecting such an overwhelming response that there is more going on.
> 
> We TAMers see right through this. The amount of stories most of us have read on TAM, Loveshack, and SI it becomes so easy to spot the holes in the stories. The amount of excuse making that many BHs have for their obvious WW are equal to the marital history revisionism that many WWs indulge in to ease their minds of guilt.
> 
> On Loveshack @BluesPower calls it all the time. He also catches heat there from the MANY waywards that try throw up dust to confuse an obvious situation. I'm the same way. So many times I feel like Neo in the Matrix. Able to see right through all the code.
> 
> Every once in a while you get some high minded people that like to make it seem that we're all some bitter, closed minded people that are trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. The issue is that if you're here long enough, you'll see that people committing adultery are so predictable.


Amen brother...or sister, I did not check. You are spot on.


----------



## Tatsuhiko

I don't consider myself high-minded, but I simply don't believe anything physical has happened. Her joking about carrying the doctor's baby makes no sense unless she's insane. She just really wouldn't "go there" if she was cheating. She'd clam up and try to throw her husband off the trail. However, there's little doubt that she's getting emotionally closer to the doctor and openly disrespecting her husband. This could quickly escalate into something physical. That's when the pregnancy jokes would stop.


----------



## jsmart

We've had a quite a few WWs that are blatant with their betrayal. This openness is a type of psychological game to throw the betrayed off. So they can make the BH doubt himself. Then they start with the you're controlling meme to shame him.

I remember Done Gone from SI. His WW even got him to see a counselor for his controlling ways and anger issues. She even recruited their daughters to get him to doubt what was obviously happening right in front of him. 

The level of disrespect OP's wife has shown and the cutting him off sexually screams that this is a PA, not to mention the length that this has been going on. How many threads are there on Loveshack's OW section from married mothers having affairs for YEARS. These women, like the OP's wife, are under total submission of the AP. Cutting off their husband sexually and spending inordinate amount of time with their OM.


----------



## Chaparral

Hate to interrupt a thread jacker but is loveshack website broken?


----------



## VladDracul

There are a couple of types of jealousies men often face. The first comes from his mentality; the insecure and overly suspicious guy who's proverbially checking for strange tire tracks in the drive way and accusing his squeeze of cheating every time she speaks to the male neighbor across the fence.
The second type of jealousy comes from overt and intermediate changes in her behavior that is ultimately linked to another guy(s), thus causing a "gut feeling" that was not there weeks earlier. This type jealousy is there because somebody maybe sneaking under the fence and justifiably warrants a little checking out.
The problem men have that causes them to get duped and dragged for a distance before discovering the truth is that they a trained to believe that questioning their wife's behavior toward other men causes them to look weak, paranoid, and controlling. If the wife (or husband) is actually cheating, failure of a spouse act when the preponderance of the evidence supports it, makes the BS look stupid, gullible, and a smuck. How many cheating women (and men) and their lover do you think joke about their betrayed spouses being to dumb and naive to suspect anything, let alone caught them.
My take, is its better to investigate, question, and control the situation and later proven wrong than to let it go trying to be a trusting spouse and end up cuckold and the laughing stock of everybody who knows you.
Remember folks, if you have to win back something that's already suppose to be yours, what kind of prize do you have?


----------



## TRy

SpinyNorman said:


> More critical thinking here, are you saying a spouse w/ opposite sex friends almost always leads to an affair?


 Few believe that "opposite sex friends almost always lead to an affair", but when other factors are also present it is almost always true that they are having an affair with their opposite sex friend (OSF), as cheaters commonly hide behind liberal OSF boundaries when they are having an affair. This is especially true if they are having an emotional affair ("EA"). Many believe that having marital boundaries that limits OSF, eliminates having to tell the difference should an OSF move from a platonic to a romantic relationship, and reduces the opportunity for feelings to develop in the first place.


----------



## TRy

Chaparral said:


> Hate to interrupt a thread jacker but is loveshack website broken?


 It has been down for days.


----------



## Steelman

I had this crap happen with my ex wife. Notice I said ex. There is no place for it in a marriage. There has to be boundaries put in place and some people are too stupid to put them in place. But if the shoe were on the other foot........


----------



## TRy

jsmart said:


> These women, like the OP's wife, are under total submission of the AP. Cutting off their husband sexually and spending inordinate amount of time with their OM.


 In the case of the OP's wife, she has known the other man (OM) for a long time, she spends more time each day with the OM than she does with the OP, she spend more meals with the OM than with the OP, she spends more free time out of the house with the OM than she does with the OP, and she texts with the OM such that the OM even has much of her time and attention when she is with the OP. Now that she has cut off sex with the OP, exactly what relationship advantage does the OP have over the OM with his own wife that makes the OP her primary relationship? Answer, none. 

Even if there is no physical cheating, most marriages do not end because of physical cheating. They end when one of the spouses mentally leaves the relationship such that their spouse is no longer thought of by them as the primary relationship. That is what has happened or is in the process of happening here.


----------



## BobSimmons

Tatsuhiko said:


> I don't consider myself high-minded, but I simply don't believe anything physical has happened. Her joking about carrying the doctor's baby makes no sense unless she's insane. She just really wouldn't "go there" if she was cheating. She'd clam up and try to throw her husband off the trail. However, there's little doubt that she's getting emotionally closer to the doctor and openly disrespecting her husband. This could quickly escalate into something physical. That's when the pregnancy jokes would stop.


Have to agree, don't think she's cheating but her actions and lack of respect for her husband certainly leaves her open to it especially since she's given herself permission to sleep out at other's people's house when she feels the need to.

They say it's the hope that kills you, in this case it's the anxiety every times she's out wondering what she's up to, who wants to live a life like that?


----------



## BluesPower

*No guys...*



BobSimmons said:


> Have to agree, don't think she's cheating but her actions and lack of respect for her husband certainly leaves her open to it especially since she's given herself permission to sleep out at other's people's house when she feels the need to.
> 
> They say it's the hope that kills you, in this case it's the anxiety every times she's out wondering what she's up to, who wants to live a life like that?


He may not find full proof, and ok what ever. 

But make no mistake that she has been screwing who ever for almost the entire marriage. 

And if he has to balls, he need to DNA test the kids. 

I am almost 100% with this one. I really think he is in for so much heartache when he divorces her. At that point, she will have no reason to lie, and she is liable to spill all the beans, except who the father actually is...


----------



## GusPolinski

Chaparral said:


> What sis the app you were posting about thatyou like better than Dr Fone?


iMobie PhoneRescue


----------



## poida

Wow. Messed up story. 
More red flags than a Nebraska ball game.
I don't like where this is going. 
Sounds all too familiar.


----------

