# Anti Depressants And Side Effects



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I woke up in a daring mood, so thought I would roll the dice and post in the ladies lounge 

Question, any ladies here (or really men as well who can speak on behalf of their SO) use anti depressants, and if so, what negative side effects did you notice? My W's gyn prescribed her Zoloft since she has been having more issues of late with PMS (not sure if the doctor thinks it may be more PMDD). As is, I am not particularly thrilled with this being prescribed, but looking up online, below is what I see as common sides. The two I bolded I have particular concern over given this has been a continual issue (which was improving, but wondering if this could really set things back again).



> -sleepiness
> -drowsiness
> -tired feeling
> -nervousness
> ...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ah, yes, medications.

This is boiler plate medicine. Give everyone the same bad tasting pill.

To fix one major health issue that is deviling you, five more lesser demons wake up.

One loving stroke cure is rewarded with five itchy lashes.

We need Alchemists, not Big Pharma!!

Or, so it seems......

Yes, big pharmaceuticals are in business to make money, but if you study medicine and see how our bio-chemistry really works you will say it is really magic. It is unbelievably complicated.

Life is magic.

My prescription for most ails..... a proper [for you] diet, and 'lotsa' aerobic exercise.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ADs worked brilliantly for my wife's symptoms... unfortunately, they also killed her drive and our sex life and ultimately our marriage... :frown2:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm honestly beginning to believe that I'm one of the very few adults left in this world who is *unmedicated* and it's going to STAY that way. They're even handing out happy pills for PMS now? Good lord.

The only AD I ever took was about 8 months ago - *to quit smoking*. It was Wellbutrin and it really did cut down my cravings a lot. I was afraid putting that crap in my system might mess with my head or emotional stability but I felt absolutely no different at all while taking them.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm honestly beginning to believe that I'm one of the very few adults left in this world who is *unmedicated* and it's going to STAY that way. They're even handing out happy pills for PMS now? Good lord.
> 
> The only AD I ever took was about 8 months ago - *to quit smoking*. It was Wellbutrin and it really did cut down my cravings a lot. I was afraid putting that crap in my system might mess with my head or emotional stability but I felt absolutely no different at all while taking them.


Are there TACT pills?


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## StartingOverHopeful (May 3, 2018)

I never took antidepressants but my girl friends who took them HATED the side effects. Apparently the effect on sex drive is significant. Has your wife's doctor offered birth control pills to help with the PMS/PMDD? They help my teenage daughter tremendously with her mood swings. And no periods/light periods, on a predictable schedule, are an awesome perk!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

StartingOverHopeful said:


> I never took antidepressants but my girl friends who took them HATED the side effects. Apparently the effect on sex drive is significant. Has your wife's doctor offered birth control pills to help with the PMS/PMDD? They help my teenage daughter tremendously with her mood swings. And no periods/light periods, on a predictable schedule, are an awesome perk!


Honestly, not quite sure what was discussed. All I know is after the dr appt my W mentioned the dr had prescribed Zoloft, but she said it in a sort of joking way (i.e. can't believe he would prescribe that, as in she was not going to use). However, she did in fact start taking. In general, I prefer to stay away from any medication unless it is necessary. My W had mentioned BC at some point as well, but never went further with (and once again, I would be hesitant having her back on medication, and one possible side effect of BC is decreased libido).


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Ok, first the disclaimer I have no idea why the doc prescribed it for her. A gyno normally would not be what I think of as qualified to diagnose clinical depression or an anxiety disorder. But perhaps there is good solid evidence that Zoloft can help with a hormone induced mood problem.

In any case I would want to avoid it if at all possible. If necessary I would look at a very low dose to begin with (you can research dosing etc online easily), and only as a very temporary band-aid.

5-HTP has been shown to be very effective for depression and anxiety. It is an amino acid, so it is natural and not dangerous. But it should not be taken along with Rx depression/anxiety meds without consulting with her doc! It could be that 5-HTP does nothing for hormone related mood issues, idk. For typical situational depression and anxiety I would first explore 5-HTP rather than Rx meds.

Also I would carefully look at lifestyle contributors. Sleep, diet, stimulants (caffeine, chocolate, tobacco), alcohol, media/entertainment, exercise, etc.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Honestly, not quite sure what was discussed. All I know is after the dr appt my W mentioned the dr had prescribed Zoloft, but she said it in a sort of joking way (i.e. can't believe he would prescribe that, as in she was not going to use). However, she did in fact start taking. In general, I prefer to stay away from any medication unless it is necessary. My W had mentioned BC at some point as well, but never went further with (and once again, I would be hesitant having her back on medication, and one possible side effect of BC is decreased libido).


I don't know how often you have sex and what your sexual relationship is like, but if your wife wants to have sex with you, she will, even with the pills. I have taken ADs in the past and I can assure you that your sex drive completely disappears and you have to make a conscentious effort to get in the mood or even think about sex... but I have no experience with Zoloft... good luck! :smile2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Thor said:


> Ok, first the disclaimer I have no idea why the doc prescribed it for her. A gyno normally would not be what I think of as qualified to diagnose clinical depression or an anxiety disorder. But perhaps there is good solid evidence that Zoloft can help with a hormone induced mood problem.
> 
> In any case I would want to avoid it if at all possible. If necessary I would look at a very low dose to begin with (you can research dosing etc online easily), and only as a very temporary band-aid.
> 
> ...


If you look at Zoloft, it is mentioned to be used for treatment of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which I am guessing is why the GYNO prescribed. However, if you actually read up on PMDD (basically considered a more severe form of PMS), much of this does not even apply to my wife. My guess, she said her PMS (mood, etc..) has been worse along with anxiety (3 children will do that), so as doctors are these days, they look to pills for answers...

My idea was to have her try CBD Oil first which has reported benefits to anxiety and menstrual related


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

In Absentia said:


> I don't know how often you have sex and what your sexual relationship is like, but if your wife wants to have sex with you, she will, even with the pills. I have taken ADs in the past and I can assure you that your sex drive completely disappears and you have to make a conscentious effort to get in the mood or even think about sex... but I have no experience with Zoloft... good luck! :smile2:


Well, that is the main concern as sex life and her drive has been an issue for a while now before this medication. There is only reason to believe it will get worse (especially since from reading around, the sexual side effects from ADs are fairly common). Looks like I will just need to pick up some extra hobbies lol.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Okay, drugs act differently in different people, so I place that disclaimer at the beginning.

During my adult life, I have taken Celexa, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, and Effexor. None of these really effected my drive because I have a high drive. I'm being real - I never noticed one single change in my drive or desire. The only one that had any affect was Effexor, which did make it harder (slightly) to achieve orgasm. The only real reason I noticed that was because went I went OFF Effexor, part of the withdrawal was that multiple spontaneous orgasms would wake me up at night.

I gotts say, if a woman is already avoiding sex, then I wonder how much of it is an AD and how much of it is "Oh! I read AD's kill drive - it's the perfect cover!"


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, that is the main concern as sex life and her drive has been an issue for a while now before this medication. There is only reason to believe it will get worse (especially since from reading around, the sexual side effects from ADs are fairly common). Looks like I will just need to pick up some extra hobbies lol.


Not sure how old you are, but unfortunately the ADs have had a detrimental effect on our sex life, which wasn't ideal to start with, after 3 kids and many years together. Basically, it made it 50 times more difficult and we struggled massively. We've never really recovered from it. But I guess my wife's mental state was more important. I would have appreciated a little bit more effort from my wife (her "problem" could have be fixed with cognitive therapy), but we handled it very badly due to lack of communication. 

So, you are right to be concerned. Having said that, we are all different and your wife might have minimal side effects... what I would say is to keep your communication channels wide open... :smile2:


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> I gotts say, if a woman is already avoiding sex, then I wonder how much of it is an AD and how much of it is "Oh! I read AD's kill drive - it's the perfect cover!"


well, there is that too... :smile2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

In Absentia said:


> Not sure how old you are, but unfortunately the ADs have had a detrimental effect on our sex life, which wasn't ideal to start with, *after 3 kids and many years together*.:


Lol, same here as per the bolded. Not quite 40 yet, so I do have a little fight left in me :grin2:


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Lol, same here as per the bolded. Not quite 40 yet, so I do have a little fight left in me :grin2:


yep, we were a bit younger than that... maybe around 35... I'm 55 now, so it has been a good "battle"... :laugh:


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I don't know how often you have sex and what your sexual relationship is like, but if your wife wants to have sex with you, she will, even with the pills. I have taken ADs in the past and I can assure you that your sex drive completely disappears and you have to make a conscentious effort to get in the mood or even think about sex... but I have no experience with Zoloft... good luck! :smile2:


Unfortunately, for some people, no amount of effort will help with their libido, or ability to orgasm, on certain AD's. However, if AD's are needed, there are a LOT to try until one (or more, in some cases) helps manage the symptoms without tanking someone's libido completely. 

~~~~~

OP, 

Birth control is also a medication that often needs tweaking to get the right dose, and combination of hormones, for the individual's needs. They are commonly prescribed for PMS symptoms that are bothersome, and other issues besides "birth control" like heavy periods, cramps, etc. Many women feel like they have regained control of their lives when taking BC, and it can actually improve libido. It all depends on the woman, and what she is taking. Having miserable periods/PMS/ PCOS/PMDD, tends to make sex less appealing, and BC (or hormone therapy) may help manage the symptoms.

AD's are NOT a one pill fits all medication. Every person will react differently to them. The list of side effects, while daunting, is more of a "it could possibly happen" than a definitive list. To get a more accurate idea of the likelihood of a negative side-effect, look up occurance rates. Some symptoms will have a 0.001% chance of occurring, but has to be listed, because it has been a symptom of note during clinical trials, etc. Symptoms like nausea, drowsiness, insomnia, etc. tend to subside over time, or with a dosage adjustment. Unfortunately, if the libido, or ability to orgasm, is affected, a dosing change or time on medication does not tend to make it better. 

If your wife's sex drive is affected on Zoloft, but it helps her manage her symptoms for PMS, the normal course would be to switch her to a different AD. There are more AD's than I can list, and each has its own set of potential issues/benefits, so if your wife needs to be on them, prepare for a trial and error period while her doctor tries to find what works best for her needs. You can find lists online about AD's that are more prone to causing problems, especially in the bedroom, than others. Some are notoriously bad for one's libido, while other's might affect it, but are generally well tolerated. 

There are many non-prescription things your wife might want to potentially try in order to manage her PMS symptoms. It really depends on the symptoms she is trying to manage. There are numerous online forums for women who need help with "girl problems" so she should spend some time online and educate herself on things (homeopathic, dietary or lifestyle changes, etc.) that might help her, and things that are a waste of time and/or money.

Good luck.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> I woke up in a daring mood, so thought I would roll the dice and post in the ladies lounge
> 
> Question, any ladies here (or really men as well who can speak on behalf of their SO) use anti depressants, and if so, what negative side effects did you notice? My W's gyn prescribed her Zoloft since she has been having more issues of late with PMS (not sure if the doctor thinks it may be more PMDD). As is, I am not particularly thrilled with this being prescribed, but looking up online, below is what I see as common sides. The two I bolded I have particular concern over given this has been a continual issue (which was improving, but wondering if this could really set things back again).


I take fluxotine (prozac) for menopause, which I believe is very similar to Zoloft. The only side effect of those listed that I have experienced is difficulty having an orgasm. But I've always had difficulty so while that's a bummer, it's not a big deal to me. I certainly would not choose the stress, anxiety, and distress I was experiencing prior to more frequent orgasms.

Ironically, I would say it has improved my sex drive, sex is awesome and better than ever despite orgasms being more elusive. I think because I'm not so perpetually anxious. (And my partner is awesome.)

My quality of life and general well being is SO improved with hormone replacement therapy and the fluoxitine there is just no contest. 

Everyone is different. I would just say when analyzing the side effects, look at the WHOLE picture. Have an open mind to the benefits as well. And look into how the medication actually works. Sometimes people have a negative knee jerk reaction to any and all medicine, like there is an assumption that taking medicine is always a negative. (Yet those same people usually take supplements) Anyhow, SRIs like Zoloft help the brain use more of its own hormone serotonin. It's not like a narcotic that is altering your mind with some outside chemical. Statistically, women have less serotonin than men and lose it as we age.

Other Thoughts:
- I'm not so sure "weight loss" is such a bad side effect to most menopausal women, LOL!
- If orgasm is a big problem I've heard of taking Wellbutrin they way men take viagra to counter that. Of course now we're adding more medicines... I don't know how wellbutrin works.
- I have heard of people who got kind of numb/zombified on it, but that has not been my experience and I know others who have done really really well with it.

Your wife could always try it for a month or two and see how it works for her. And you could see how she is as a partner on it. You may become a big champion for it. ;-)


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, that is the main concern as sex life and her drive has been an issue for a while now before this medication. There is only reason to believe it will get worse (especially since from reading around, the sexual side effects from ADs are fairly common). Looks like I will just need to pick up some extra hobbies lol.


Well you may be pleasantly surprised then. Like I said, my sex drive IMPROVED with it. I really hadn't grasped just how anxious and stressed I was prior to finding some relief. There are a lot of psychological/emotional things that affect sex drive. The ability to relax is key. If your wife feels better overall emotionally, she will probably feel better about YOU, and she may feel closer to you and desire that intimacy more, or be open to the intimacy more, even if she is not "craving sex" per se.

Also, I noted you want her to try CBD oil first. That's fine, but keep in mind, CBD oil affects the cannabis receptors in the brain, zoloft affects the serotonin receptors. All medicine or supplements have to affect something or they would not affect anything... I don't know but I would not just assume an over the counter supplement is always safer or more benign simply because it does not require a prescription.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> *Well you may be pleasantly surprised then. Like I said, my sex drive IMPROVED with it. I really hadn't grasped just how anxious and stressed I was prior to finding some relief. There are a lot of psychological/emotional things that affect sex drive. The ability to relax is key. If your wife feels better overall emotionally, she will probably feel better about YOU, and she may feel closer to you and desire that intimacy more, or be open to the intimacy more, even if she is not "craving sex" per se.
> *
> Also, I noted you want her to try CBD oil first. That's fine, but keep in mind, CBD oil affects the cannabis receptors in the brain, zoloft affects the serotonin receptors. All medicine or supplements have to affect something or they would not affect anything... I don't know but I would not just assume an over the counter supplement is always safer or more benign simply because it does not require a prescription.


Appreciate the info. Per the bolded, that is what I am thinking (well hoping really). I figured I would give it time and see. One thing she has in fact noted so far is sleepiness / drowsiness, so that alone could present some issues by the time we can finally settle down at night. 

I do agree as well on your comment ie prescription vs supp. The main reason why CBD oil seemed like a better option at start to try is because it does tick off many of boxes without the sides (and I do agree that everyone will response differently, but ADs and from what I am reading Zololf does have a higher % of negative effect on sex). I am curious though if the gyn actually talked to my W about Zololf and the possible sides before prescribing to her (I will have to ask her).


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm sheepishly going to reply here as I really don't like talking about this type of thing. People have very polarizing views on medications. 

For what it's worth, I'll share my experience with you. 

I have been taking Zoloft for around 5 years now. Prior to that I tried many other SSRI's and a brief stint on SNRI as well as Wellbutrin. Nothing worked for me except for SSRI. 

I have an anxiety disorder. In hindsight, I probably should have started medication much sooner than I did. I see so many areas in my past where I let my anxiety negatively impact my life because it was poorly controlled. I had kids, and spiraled into PPD and my anxiety went from grit my teeth and bear it to no longer a functional part of society. I became agoraphobic, I had upwards of 10 panic attacks per day, I self medicated with sleeping pills and slept 20+ hours per day. I almost lost my job. 

I finally broke down and went to the doctor in tears. I was put on medications and went through the process of tapering them to the correct dosage. It took a good six months before I saw even a sliver of improvement. I ended up on a fairly high dosage for awhile until I could get myself fully functional again. It was a long and difficult road. During that time I had side effects, but I was in such a bad place mentally that it was nearly impossible to determine whether the problems were due to my illness or due to the meds. It didn't really matter to me honestly, at the time. I only wanted to get better. I had two young kids, a marriage and a job that I needed to be functional for. 

Maybe a year after starting the medication, I finally started to feel the fog lifting a bit. I started to feel more normal. It was then that I started taking an interest in life again, wanting to participate in things, wanting to have fun with my family and spend time with my husband. I started to notice side effects then. Brain fog (it literally felt like my brain was constantly buffering ), brain zaps and not only lack of sex drive but lack of sensation... Everything felt dull, like being touched through six layers of clothing. When your brain is usually going three thousand MPH, it feels like relief at first to have things slowed down, but after awhile I didn't like it anymore. I went back to the doctor and asked her for help fixing the side effects... particularly the libido problem. 

We started switching meds and tapering doses. I went through several different medications that were supposed to have less of a sexual side effect. None of them worked. I had heard Wellbutrin was the best at keeping libido intact, but it made me psycho and suicidal so I quickly stopped. In the end I went back to SSRI and tried Zoloft. Over an 18 month period I tapered my dose down to the lowest I felt comfortable on and I have been on that dose for the last 5 years. It's low enough that I don't have panic attacks, and can function, but I still have breakthrough anxiety problems at times. It's sort of a stop gap measure at this point, not a cure and not perfect. The libido issues are DEFINITELY still there but not as bad as before. I learned that the problems with sex increase as the dosage increases, so bringing my dosage down lessens the problems but doesn't make them go away completely. (Disclaimer - I do not know if the dosage thing is true for all who take these meds or just me. It has just been my experience that lower dosage = lower side effects.)

When I am feeling good (read: low or no anxiety symptoms) I often think of going off the meds to get away from the sexual side effects. Something always ends up bringing me back to reality though. Anxiety creeps it's way back in and I remember why I take the meds. 

I think some people do not need medication and do take it because it's "easy" or casually given to them by the doctor. I think there are others who temporarily hit hard times and find the meds help them through the rough patch, but they don't need it forever. Then there are some people that have legitimate brain chemistry issues and need the medication to be normal, and will likely always need to take it for life. I think I am in the last category. 

Personally, if I could fix my problems literally any other way than with medication I would choose that over the pills. I've tried it all at this point and this is what I have got... It works reasonably well... I am able to keep going. I remember what it felt like to be sick, and my husband remembers what shape I was in then, and we both put up with the sexual side effects if it means I don't have to suffer through that again. It's not like there's any sex happening when I'm in that state anyway. 




Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

@kag123 Thank you for sharing your story. I think this is where I will need to work with my W on. For example, she has not been diagnosed with any sort of anxiety disorder nor has she ever really had any symptoms of per se, nothing similar to what you described (I grew up having to deal with family members who had anxiety issues, panic attacks etc... so based on that I don't see anything close to this with my W). What has seemed to happen, the week before her period her mood swings have gotten worse. Once she has her period, it seems to subside, all is good, rinse and repeat a month later (that is why I am guessing the gyn might have thought the issue to be PMDD). So the question becomes, is taking medication to alleviate the symptoms during this week worth the potential side effects for the other times of the month. Right now I don't know the answer to this even if I personally believe there is no reason why she should be on medication such as an SSRI. I can appreciate that she seems less stressed (especially when dealing with our youngest), but wonder if there is a more appropriate way to manage this that doesn't include prescription drugs. For now, it is just wait and see.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> I take fluxotine (prozac) for menopause, which I believe is very similar to Zoloft.


I'm so curious! I've been perimenopausal for 6 years. What does it do for you?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

minimalME said:


> I'm so curious! I've been perimenopausal for 6 years. What does it do for you?


Well, medically, low doses of fluoxitine is supposed to be very helpful with hot flashes.

I was put on hormone replacement and fluoxitine and roughly the same time and some of my mental health benefits I attribute to the progesterone hormone as much as the fluoxitine. But basically, I was very emotional when perimenopause started, and extremely anxious. Major insomnia for years. People who knew me would not know this because I just dealt with life. I was never rude or snappy or short tempered. But when I was alone I remember sitting in my office just crying. Laying awake at night with a feeling of dread and panic. And while I did not think of myself as an anxious person, I realize now I was a total basket case. The phone would ring and I would get a hot flash from the stress, LOL.

Flash back in time 20 years. I was in a couple very bad car accidents and had insomnia and other issues that I now realize were PTSD. I've always been good natured with a sunny disposition and never thought of myself as depressed. But after 3 different doctors recommended anti-depressants for my symptoms, I finally broke down and took them and settled on prozac as working well for me. I was able to sleep and function and situations that had made me feel helpless and hysterical inside I was able to dispassionately analyze and just change the situation. 

The main situation was a bad marriage. I got divorced and thought - well, that was the problem in my life and it's solved so I don't need the prozac anymore and I weaned myself off it. I still got very depressed when I had PMS, but it was cyclical and I understood it was hormones and would pass and just sucked it up.

Flash forward to perimenopause -- When I finally got to a specialist who a client/friend recommended she talked to me about all my symptoms plus my biological family history (which involves suicide and alcoholism and other issues). She asked "Why did you stop taking the prozac?" and I was like ...I don't know...

She recommended estrogen, progesterone, and going back on a low dose of prozac. I started with the progesterone and I am telling you, it was like drinking liquid sunshine. I could LITERALLY FEEL "calm" in my blood stream that night. Then the estrogen was added then the prozac.

So these are the benefits of everything combined, and I'll try to separate out the prozac below:
CALM collected feeling (I really had no idea how anxious I was until I was relieved of it).
Help with insomnia
Normal appetite (not craving to eat even though I was full or craving junk)
Normal metabolism - no more helplessly gaining 1/2 pound a day even when I was hardly eating.
Energy
Interest in things
Felt 10 years younger
no more crying and hating myself when I was alone
Ability to juggle multiple things instead of feeling overwhelmed
Oh and no more night sweats and hot flashes

PROZAC
They say progesterone (the bioidentical, NOT the synthetic) is "the feel good hormone" and it definitely helped, but when I've gone through harder times (I'm getting divorced...) I doubled my prozac dose for awhile and definitely felt calmer.
I truly believe that if I had stayed on it before, I never would have gotten into my second horrible marriage because I am so much more able to be logical and rational and objective, much harder for others to manipulate.

THE MAIN THING is just a feeling of well being. It's hard to describe, but I'll be driving in my car, maybe stuck in traffic or dealing with things that would normally stress me out, and I'll realize I feel ...GOOD. I just FEEL GOOD. physically and emotionally. Kind of the way you feel after a good aerobic workout. All systems go.

My Dr. explained a LOT about how these things work and the benefits vs. the risks. THere are a lot of health BENEFITS too, like for your heart and cortisol levels and avoiding insomnia - things people don't necessarily consider when assesing the risks. 

Not everyone has the great luck I have had but I'm a true believer. A good friend who doesn't like taking medicine said to me "Yeah, but aren't you worried you're messing with the natural order of things?" And I was like I HOPE SO, considering the natural order of things is that you are born, you mature, you go through your reproductive years, then you get fat, your skin wrinkles and sags, you have a lot of aches and pains, you get old faster and faster and then you die...


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

@WorkingWife - thank you SO much for taking the time to explain it all. 

I've been sucking it up for awhile now. And it has gotten sooo much better. Now I'll have mild hot flashes that'll come and go, and occasionally I'll have the hormonal drops that trigger the hot flashes, but they're nothing like they were at the beginning.

I'm glad this is working so well for you!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

minimalME said:


> @WorkingWife - thank you SO much for taking the time to explain it all.
> 
> I've been sucking it up for awhile now. And it has gotten sooo much better. Now I'll have mild hot flashes that'll come and go, and occasionally I'll have the hormonal drops that trigger the hot flashes, but they're nothing like they were at the beginning.
> 
> I'm glad this is working so well for you!


In my case, the funny thing is that yes, I had hot flashes, but they didn't really bother me that much. I'm usually cold at 75 degrees. I was impressed that I could be having a hot flash and somehow still feel cold, at least from the waist down.

It was the emotional stuff that I didn't even realize was so bad until it was better. I saw an OBGYN Dr. at the VA (I'm a vet and they're really cheap...) and I told him how much the progesterone helped me emotionally and he said the ONLY reason to prescribe hormones was for hot flashes. I didn't know if he really believed that, or if he was telling me - If you want more, complain about hot flashes, because that's all we're allowed to prescribe it for.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

Like @WorkingWife my sex drive improved when I got mentally stable. All of the side effects are possible but they are also just possibilities and not guaranteed to happen.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ed3n said:


> Unfortunately, for some people, no amount of effort will help with their libido, or ability to orgasm, on certain AD's. However, if AD's are needed, there are a LOT to try until one (or more, in some cases) helps manage the symptoms without tanking someone's libido completely.
> 
> ~~~~~


Unfortunately, my wife wasn't interested in any other medication. She was under stress because of her condition and when she found something that worked, that was it. She put herself first and I understand that. When you are in marriage maybe that's a tad selfish, but I wasn't the one with the problem. My problem became something else... :smile2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

SarcasticRed said:


> Like @WorkingWife my sex drive improved when I got mentally stable. All of the side effects are possible but they are also just possibilities and not guaranteed to happen.


When I look at the sex side effects, I group the two items together (i.e. sex drive and ability to orgasm). So with both you and @WorkingWife , you didn't really encounter either of these issues, or was it just specifically no negative impact on drive but more difficulty in the other area?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> When I look at the sex side effects, I group the two items together (i.e. sex drive and ability to orgasm). So with both you and @WorkingWife , you didn't really encounter either of these issues, or was it just specifically no negative impact on drive but more difficulty in the other area?


My wife was ok orgasm-wise... because she would dictate when we had sex :smile2:, she wouldn't take the pill that day and that made things easier... she would take it after sex... maybe you can suggest this if you have problems...


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

In Absentia said:


> Unfortunately, my wife wasn't interested in any other medication. She was under stress because of her condition and when she found something that worked, that was it. She put herself first and I understand that. When you are in marriage maybe that's a tad selfish, but I wasn't the one with the problem. My problem became something else... :smile2:


Understood. This brings up a side subject that I don't understand, though. I would say I am a pretty LD person (at least I was before I met my new BF  ). What I don't understand is why an LD person who *is in an otherwise happy relationship where his or her needs are getting met* would feel they need to be craving sex to want to or be willing to be physically intimate with their partner. There are all kinds of things I do to maintain a myself and relationship that I'm not craving to do - cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, exercise, brushing my teeth, discussing difficult topics, going to events that are important to my partner, giving people rides places, all kinds of things. 

I can see frequency being an issue if the HD wants it every day or several times a day, feeling like it's never going to be enough so why bother? But if you're truly otherwise happy, there are so many physical things that can be done to bring pleasure that require varying degrees of effort, I don't understand someone who would withhold sex for weeks or even months if they knew it was important to their spouse. Unless they are totally selfish, or not actually happy in the relationship.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> When I look at the sex side effects, I group the two items together (i.e. sex drive and ability to orgasm). So with both you and @WorkingWife , you didn't really encounter either of these issues, or was it just specifically no negative impact on drive but more difficulty in the other area?


My sex drive went UP but my ability to orgasm went DOWN. And that orgasm thing was definitely tied to the dosage. 

But let me clarify further: My desire to have sex with my partner and my ability to enjoy it - went up. Craving the physical closeness and intimacy, feeling I had the time and energy, etc. That went up. 

However, my desire for an orgasm went down. I've always had trouble having orgasms and I was having so much fun with the sex that I just didn't care if I had one or not. An orgasm was not my objective with the sex, the closeness and physical intimacy was. When I did have an orgasm it was awesome, of course, but I wasn't going into sex craving one and it wasn't like I was experiencing some build up and then being disappointed because I couldn't get there. My BF seemed a lot more interested in my having orgasms that I was, LOL.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

EllisRedding said:


> When I look at the sex side effects, I group the two items together (i.e. sex drive and ability to orgasm). So with both you and @WorkingWife , you didn't really encounter either of these issues, or was it just specifically no negative impact on drive but more difficulty in the other area?


I have not had noticeable negative side effects in that area. I will put the disclaimer that the depression had a major effect on my sex drive/ability to orgasm so while I suppose the medication could be having an impact in that area, I'm doing much better on the medication compared to how I was without the medication. 

The first medication wasn't right for several reasons, including sex drive effects but once I was doing better, we switched and now, no noticeable negative side effects. It took over a year to find the right combo. I work with a psychiatrist and that has been very helpful...my experience with my GP prescribing did not go so well.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> I don't understand someone who would withhold sex for weeks or even months if they knew it was important to their spouse. Unless they are totally selfish, or not actually happy in the relationship.


I don't understand it either. My wife is doing this right now. She said "no more sex" and we are 55... didn't give me a convincing reason either. What is this telling me? That she has stopped loving me. To the point that she doesn't care if I get sex somewhere else. I will never understand this. Why isn't she saying to me: ok, let's divorce now? That's being selfish. Or a coward. Who knows?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

In Absentia said:


> I don't understand it either. My wife is doing this right now. She said "no more sex" and we are 55... didn't give me a convincing reason either. What is this telling me? That she has stopped loving me. To the point that she doesn't care if I get sex somewhere else. I will never understand this. Why isn't she saying to me: ok, let's divorce now? That's being selfish. Or a coward. Who knows?


Have you asked her what is wrong and if she is angry/resentful of you for some reason?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> Have you asked her what is wrong and if she is angry/resentful of you for some reason?


yes... she brought up some problems we had over 10 years ago. Mainly my resentment and anger for when she used to withhold sex for no apparent reason. She wouldn't tell me. We are talking about 15 years ago. Things have been fine in the last 5 years or so. Now, all of the sudden, she is not happy with it anymore. I have left her all the space she wanted and sex was always on her terms, when or if she wanted it. I don't think she can get over it. But why was she ok and relaxed with it for the last 5 years? We were in a good place. She didn't answer that question...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> Understood. This brings up a side subject that I don't understand, though. I would say I am a pretty LD person (at least I was before I met my new BF  ). What I don't understand is why an LD person who *is in an otherwise happy relationship where his or her needs are getting met* would feel they need to be craving sex to want to or be willing to be physically intimate with their partner. There are all kinds of things I do to maintain a myself and relationship that I'm not craving to do - cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, exercise, brushing my teeth, discussing difficult topics, going to events that are important to my partner, giving people rides places, all kinds of things.
> 
> I can see frequency being an issue if the HD wants it every day or several times a day, feeling like it's never going to be enough so why bother? But if you're truly otherwise happy, there are so many physical things that can be done to bring pleasure that require varying degrees of effort, I don't understand someone who would withhold sex for weeks or even months if they knew it was important to their spouse. Unless they are totally selfish, or not actually happy in the relationship.


Well, at least from my experience, my W is on the lower drive side, and I would say (and when we have spoken she has agreed, so not something I am just making up to look good lol) your bolded in terms of everything else in our relationship is met as well. I think in part from what I have seen, with someone who is lower drive, it is very easy for other things in life to get in the way. In our case, trying to manage a household with 3 kids does my W in. 

I also think there is this idea that in order to initiate you have to be in the mood already. I can think of plenty of times where I initiated with my W and it wasn't because I was a bag of hornballs, I was more after just wanting the closeness. Most cases as well, if either myself or my W weren't in the mood at the start, it didn't take much to switch gears once we got going. 

It is odd to me though. When we are actually going good with sex, my W will be the first to acknowledge how much better things are in our relationship, how much closer and happier we both are. However, she will then make the minimal effort to help keep things going. Eventually I just ended up getting to the point where I have lost a lot of interest in and don't see much benefit in putting in the effort that I used to in the past.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ellis, as unromantic as it sounds, you and your wife need to start scheduling for sex and intimacy. Once the schedule is worked out, as in arrangements for child care or cutting back on the kids' extracurriculars, your wife won't be feeling so overwhelmed. It will take a while for the new habit of regular sex to become ingrained in your wife and for her to establish her priorities of marriage first and kids second. Hang in there - kids do grow up.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Ellis, as unromantic as it sounds, you and your wife need to start scheduling for sex and intimacy. Once the schedule is worked out, as in arrangements for child care or cutting back on the kids' extracurriculars, your wife won't be feeling so overwhelmed. It will take a while for the new habit of regular sex to become ingrained in your wife and for her to establish her priorities of marriage first and kids second. Hang in there - kids do grow up.


I do agree in terms of scheduling. In the past though (really, until the last few months), one of the bigger issues was getting our daughter to bed. For a variety of reasons, my W would not get our daughter down to bed until very late (talking 9:30pm - 11pm). That alone killed any sort of attempt at a schedule (I am usually up by 4am so you can see where this causes a problem). I guess around late spring or so, my W and I talked briefly (she had brought up how I don't really give her hugs anymore, etc...) and I told her again that I don't feel close to her, we spend zero time together so what did she expect (which is accurate, most days we would spend zero alone time). Finally things seemed to register, she started making a push to get my daughter to bed earlier and for us to get time together. Keep in mind as well, when I talk our sex life, before this late spring, I think in the last 14 months or so we had sex 4-5 times. Once we had kids, things went downhill consistently for now over 10 years (where it became once every 4-6 weeks). I do agree with your sentiment that kids do grow up, but I actually think that mentality is part of what hurt. In my W's mind, she would tell herself the same thing, things will eventually get better. This helped to not focus too much on the now or put the effort in, so here we are 10 years later and to some extent the damage has been done.

Things were going better, but my W started having a lot more issues with PMS (maybe she is perimenopausal now?). It was never too bad for her, but all of a sudden that week or so leading up to her period was rough. She got very moody, there would be days where out of nowhere she would barely say a word to me, she would have a very short temper with our daughter. Obviously, from her side I doubt sex was on her mind, but when she is like this sex is the last thing I have an interest in either. Her GYN just prescribed her Zoloft to help with the PMS issues, so the question (and the reason why I started this thread), could this now be a catch 22. On one side, this will help alleviate her symptoms which may in part also help us get back on track. On the other side, the possible sexual side effects could negate any of the benefits. She hasn't been on Zoloft too long (I think this may be her second week), and the only side effect so far that I have seen is she gets drowsy (she is towards the tale end of her period, so can't say one way or another if there have been any other side effects yet).


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

mmm... very similar to our path... all I can say is keep communicating and keep making an effort. I too got detached and lost interest because it wasn't happening. I guess it's some sort of defence mechanism... it's difficult, but if you don't have any other major problems in your marriage, it's doable.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Ouch, 11PM/4AM is tough. What do your weekends look like? Maybe you two may need to take "naps" (how old are the kids?) every Sunday afternoon. 

I agree with @Blondilocks scheduling may help, but disagree that it's unromantic, it's something to look forward to. We've had a standing Sunday afternoon date for years.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

In Absentia said:


> mmm... very similar to our path... all I can say is keep communicating and keep making an effort. I too got detached and lost interest because it wasn't happening. I guess it's some sort of *defence mechanism*... it's difficult, but if you don't have any other major problems in your marriage, it's doable.


Defence mechanism... or I like to think of it as self preservation :grin2: For me though, and sounds like for you (and from talking on the forums here for a while seems like many other guys feel the same way), sex (not just the act itself or the O, but the physical closeness, focusing on each other, etc...) is a big part of what makes me feel close to my W. Take that away and you can see why detachment / lost of interest shortly follows.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CharlieParker said:


> Ouch, 11PM/4AM is tough. What do your weekends look like? Maybe you two may need to take "naps" (how old are the kids?) every Sunday afternoon.
> 
> I agree with @Blondilocks scheduling may help, but disagree that it's unromantic, it's something to look forward to. We've had a standing Sunday afternoon date for years.


Kids are 5 / 8 / 12, so midday "naps" aren't really feasible (unless they are actually naps lol). Now that my daughter is finally in kindergarten she is on a schedule which gets her settled in much earlier (that was a big part of the issue before, she had pretty much no schedule so many days she would get up at 10-11am, not go to bed until almost 11pm, etc...). In the past month, we have probably had more alone time at night (at a reasonable hour) then probably the last 4+ years combined. So naturally, something else had to come up (being the PMS issues). Hopefully, as some of the members here have stated, clearing up the PMS issues may get my W in a better frame of mind when it comes to us. However, given the issues and that she probably falls on the lower side of sex drive, along with the sexual side effects being somewhat common, there is a good chance we are playing with fire here :FIREdevil:


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Defence mechanism... or I like to think of it as self preservation :grin2: For me though, and sounds like for you (and from talking on the forums here for a while seems like many other guys feel the same way), sex (not just the act itself or the O, but the physical closeness, focusing on each other, etc...) is a big part of what makes me feel close to my W. Take that away and you can see why detachment / lost of interest shortly follows.


yes, our stories are very similar (wife started taking ADs after 3rd child, and she had a low sex drive to start with)... but we had a communication problem... actually, she had. I didn't... :smile2: She didn't want to talk to me. So, things got gradually worse and I detached and isolated myself. Which lead to more detachment. Make sure you communicate at all times. Let her know your needs and your feelings. Avoid building resentment at all cost.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Defence mechanism... or I like to think of it as self preservation


yes, self preservation... this is what got me through, although wasn't conducive to find a solution. At least I didn't go mad... :laugh:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ahhh, to be under 40..

I remember those days.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Ahhh, to be under 40..
> 
> I remember those days.


Sometimes I prefer NOT to remember them... :smile2:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Yeah, parents not setting schedules for kids can be dangerous. You can't have the inmates running the asylum. Just wait until your boys hit their teens and want to watch the late nite talk shows (if kids still do that). Anticipate and set limits, now. I don't know how you get by on 5 hours of sleep a night. It isn't good for your mental or physical health.

Some people think that scheduling sex takes the spontaneity out of it (not that you have any chance of spontaneity, anyway - just sayin'). 

A lot of people go through life as if it is a dress rehearsal thinking when the kids are older or when they're in college or when they are finally out of the house or when I've lost weight etc ad nauseum. They don't get that this is it, folks, this is your life and your real life doesn't start sometime down the road. Start living your life, now.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> I don't know how you get by on 5 hours of sleep a night. It isn't good for your mental or physical health.
> .


I typically get over 5 hours sleep. The point was that many nights my W wouldn't come back into the room from putting our daughter to sleep until close to 11pm, which there is no way I could stay up that late since I get up at 4am (and why we would end up having zero time together).


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I woke up in a daring mood, so thought I would roll the dice and post in the ladies lounge
> 
> Question, any ladies here (or really men as well who can speak on behalf of their SO) use anti depressants, and if so, what negative side effects did you notice? My W's gyn prescribed her Zoloft since she has been having more issues of late with PMS (not sure if the doctor thinks it may be more PMDD). As is, I am not particularly thrilled with this being prescribed, but looking up online, below is what I see as common sides. The two I bolded I have particular concern over given this has been a continual issue (which was improving, but wondering if this could really set things back again).


My experience with these drugs is that it makes extremely difficult to achieve orgasm. VERY frustrating. One has to weigh the benefit and need to take the drug vs the side effects. For me, at the time, the Zoloft was a life-saver. I had lost one of my children the year before and had struggled to overcome the grief by myself by white-knuckling it. The choice was pretty obvious for me that I needed it - I took it for 1 1/2 years. I don't remember much about sex and how I dealt with that. My husband and I were both grieving so badly that sex became a low priority. We did have sex. It was just difficult. I think this is understandable, though.

One thing I will say is that taking Zoloft is only a part of the equation for treatment. I strongly feel that therapy should accompanying taking drugs. One thing I was told at the time was that the drug was something that would allow me to be able to better process my emotions and feelings in therapy by lowering the barrier to working through the feelings. I thought this explanation helped me understand what the purpose was and that I would not be taking the drug forever as a bandaid fix. Anti-Depressants are not intended to be a silver bullet.

Now, that said, that was ME. I in no way am saying anything about what would be appropriate for another person. That's between them and their medical professionals.

In another more recent instance, I was prescribed amitriptyline for pelvic floor dysfunction. This is a bit embarrassing, but I'm sharing in the spirit that other women may share this physical issue. My husband had spent quite some time overseas working and we obviously did not have sex for a long time. When he returned, I literally had to readjust to having frequent sex. There was an entire protocol for dealing with this and the amitriptyline was a part of that.

Well, amitriptyline is an antidepressant but it was being used off-label because it does treat pelvic floor dysfunction (painful intercourse, overly tight vaginal muscles). The side-effect was that I had an extremely difficult time achieving orgasm. I took it for six months. It was a horrible time for me and my husband as it's obviously beyond frustrating to not be able to have an orgasm. I could get to 9 1/2 but not 10 (complete orgasm). 

I dumped the amitriptyline before the six months was up but the doctor insisted I get back on it. After a couple more months, I dumped it again. I just couldn't do it. I focused on the other portions of the therapy and finally got through the pelvic floor dysfunction and back on track by my husband and I doing some different work arounds (really focusing on foreplay and relaxation, etc.) I'm sorry to go into such detail - but I can only imagine if there are other women out there who are scared and frustrated by sexual issues and feel it's difficult to talk about, then, hopefully this will lend some support that they are not alone and that there ARE solutions. Gentlemen, it takes a lot of patience and compassion. No one WANTS this.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

My wife was prescribed Fluoxetine (Prozac) for anxiety and suicidal thoughts 10 years ago. She was on 80mg a day which I believe is the highest dosage. She left the job that I thought was causing much of her grief 8 years ago and I wondered if she really needed to still be on this ssri. With peri-menopause hitting, her sex drive dropped and she was not happy about it. Orgasms were not as strong and her genital sensitivity had dropped dramatically. We were still having frequent sex but she wanted that fire back. I've been put in charge of researching and testing any recreational drugs we've taken so here was my time to learn about SSRIs. Fluoxetine does cause a loss of sex drive for many. While hormones dropping suirely contributed to her sexul problems, I felt the Fluoxetine made it unnecessarily worse. Ultimately we decided to start tapering her off of Fluoxetine and start her on Wellbutrin against her Drs advice. She is down to 40mg of Fluoxetine now and should be tapered off it by February. Her sex drive is returning as well as powerful orgasms and genital sensitivity, She has also noticed an immediate mood boost from the Wellbutrin. I believe the Wellbutrin is also responsible for her suddenly broadening range of emotions. It makes her feel younger and not so "dead" inside. After February and being off Fluoxetine a bit, we will see how she feels tapering off of Wellbutrin. We have learned some skills to help deal with any anxiety that have been very effective. Our goal is to have her AD free by Summer 2019.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

PigglyWiggly said:


> My wife was prescribed Fluoxetine (Prozac) for anxiety and suicidal thoughts 10 years ago. She was on 80mg a day which I believe is the highest dosage. She left the job that I thought was causing much of her grief 8 years ago and I wondered if she really needed to still be on this ssri. With peri-menopause hitting, her sex drive dropped and she was not happy about it. Orgasms were not as strong and her genital sensitivity had dropped dramatically. We were still having frequent sex but she wanted that fire back. I've been put in charge of researching and testing any recreational drugs we've taken so here was my time to learn about SSRIs. Fluoxetine does cause a loss of sex drive for many. While hormones dropping suirely contributed to her sexul problems, I felt the Fluoxetine made it unnecessarily worse. Ultimately we decided to start tapering her off of Fluoxetine and start her on Wellbutrin against her Drs advice. She is down to 40mg of Fluoxetine now and should be tapered off it by February. Her sex drive is returning as well as powerful orgasms and genital sensitivity, She has also noticed an immediate mood boost from the Wellbutrin. I believe the Wellbutrin is also responsible for her suddenly broadening range of emotions. It makes her feel younger and not so "dead" inside. After February and being off Fluoxetine a bit, we will see how she feels tapering off of Wellbutrin. We have learned some skills to help deal with any anxiety that have been very effective. Our goal is to have her AD free by Summer 2019.


Sir, I have deep admiration for you. That you stepped up to the plate and helped her with this is a testament to the power of couple hood. If it weren't for your love and active, engaged support, I don't even have to wonder if she could have navigated this alone. 

It is absolutely maddening what women have to go through with all the body changes that take place for women through out their lives. Absolutely NO ONE wishes this on themselves. 

I can attest to the validity of the horror of discovering your cotton-picking genitals have gone numb. It's hell. That God you guys are working your way through this in a measured, careful manner. Good luck to you both.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

happiness27 said:


> Sir, I have deep admiration for you. That you stepped up to the plate and helped her with this is a testament to the power of couple hood. If it weren't for your love and active, engaged support, I don't even have to wonder if she could have navigated this alone.
> 
> It is absolutely maddening what women have to go through with all the body changes that take place for women through out their lives. Absolutely NO ONE wishes this on themselves.
> 
> ]I can attest to the validity of the horror of discovering your cotton-picking genitals have gone numb. It's hell. That God you guys are working your way through this in a measured, careful manner. Good luck to you both.


Thank you for your kind words.


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