# "You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had"



## violencejack99

my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for

men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


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## ChargingCharlie

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


Biggest doesn't mean best


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## Wolf1974

I have never been under the illusion I was the biggest cause I know I'm not. But I have been several of the "best". That's way more important to me


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## karole

Why are men so sensitive about their penises?


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## zookeeper

Can't help but wonder if your joke hurt her feelings as much as her statement hurt yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## violencejack99

karole said:


> Why are men so sensitive about their penises?


it's our ego in physical form


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## FrazzledSadHusband

karole said:


> Why are men so sensitive about their penises?


I don't think it's just about his penis. It's more about having respect for your partner. 

How would she feel if he made mention that a prior woman he was with had much nicer breasts because they were evenly sized, and had more "perk" to the nipples.

Or, her nether regions smelled & tasted better.


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## FrazzledSadHusband

zookeeper said:


> Can't help but wonder if your joke hurt her feelings as much as her statement hurt yours.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A valid point to consider as well.


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## anchorwatch

*Re: &amp;amp;quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&amp;amp;quot;*

Stop bragging.


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## Personal

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


How would I react, hmmm let's see... "okay, whatever" I mean really who cares if one's sexual partner has been with larger, smaller, or same size penises?

Why does it matter to you what other people have or are?


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## frusdil

How does this even come up in conversation for a couple?


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## Wolfman1968

karole said:


> Why are men so sensitive about their penises?


Because it matters, at least to many women, according to this scientific study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (summarized by NBC news):

Study: Penis size 'does affect attractiveness' - Health - Men's health | NBC News


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## Cletus

violencejack99 said:


> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


I'm not, and I'd be surprised to be lied to about it. 

It wouldn't bother me in the least. My self worth isn't tied to the size of my genitalia.


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## Cletus

frusdil said:


> How does this even come up in conversation for a couple?


Over the course of a marriage, how would it not?


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## notmyrealname4

Yes you have the right to feel hurt. (I'm a woman, btw)

What zookeeper said is a good point though; when you bragged about your prowess----what did that entail?

Did you tell her how all the other women you've been with were really impressed by your physique or technique?

Most women won't like hearing about how good you gave it to someone before them. Like men, we wouldn't mind if you at least preserved the *illusion* that you saved the best for us.

That said, telling a man you've had a bigger penis is the standard way to make him feel insecure and miserable. It's not loving, it's not nice.


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## Personal

frusdil said:


> How does this even come up in conversation for a couple?


I don't know?

It seems like a pretty boring conversation to have.

As for me, I've never experienced such a conversation with any of my sexual partners.


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## Herschel

There are two things at play. Whether the OP should be taking about how big/good he is. Obviously, he takes pride in it (which is dubious) and clearly someone who takes pride in something, despite what it is, it will be a huge blow (no pun intended) to his ego. 

However, much more concerning is what she said. It's pretty ****ed up. I get that she was probably annoyed/sick of your bragging. My wife will never laugh at my jokes even though we both know I am the funniest mother ****er within a 100 mile radius. But it's akin to her specifically saying to me that I'm not funny. Why? Why would you say that other than just to hurt me. Taking it a step further, clearly this wife of yours has thought about this huge **** she has had and was thinking about it just then. Probably thinking about what it did to her. 

Honestly, anything other than an eww gross, when referencing someone before you, is somewhat messed up. Not a lie like, your the best baby, but an eeww, I don't want to think about that and anyone but you is gross to me. I'd be really annoyed and hurt. Thank god I am average and I know it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notmyrealname4

Personal said:


> I don't know?
> 
> It seems like a pretty boring conversation to have.
> 
> As for me, I've never experienced such a conversation with any of my sexual partners.


Personal,


If you've got "it", you've got "it".

And you, most certainly, seem to have "it".


So, it kind of renders you tone deaf, in a thread like this.:wink2:


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## MattMatt

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


Just say: "Well, let me tell you, honey, you are by *far* the biggest I have *ever* had. Just :wtf: *have* you been eating?"

But are you *sure* she wasn't pulling your plonker, as we say in Britain?


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## phillybeffandswiss

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


Depends. Were you joking about your sexual prowess with her or other partners?

One, with other partners, I see as your fault. The other, describing her, I see as hurtful and unwarranted.


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## Rubix Cubed

"You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had"

You're response should have been "Since we've been married?"


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## TX-SC

When she said "You're not the biggest I've ever had." you should have said, "Well, you're the biggest I've ever had." and left it at that. 

In reality, I know where I stand. The only reason a woman would say this is if she wants to hurt you. Now, if you ASKED and she told you, that would be different.


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## frusdil

Personal said:


> I don't know?
> 
> It seems like a pretty boring conversation to have.
> 
> As for me, I've never experienced such a conversation with any of my sexual partners.


Me either.


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## frusdil

Cletus said:


> Over the course of a marriage, how would it not?


Never has for me and hubby.


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## Prodigal

I believe in the don't-ask-don't-tell policy. I've had various lengths and widths, but I'd never tell my partner about it. That IS hurtful.

I know. I was on the receiving end of my late husband discussing some rather intimate details of sex he had with his ex wife. And he attributed my being upset about it to being "jealous" of his ex.

Yeah, right. Now I know why she and I both walked. Seriously.


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## uhtred

I had a woman once tell me that she had been with a guy who was so big that it was very difficult to have sex at all. Since she was recovering from a awesome lovemaking session, I didn't mind. 25 years later she told me I was the best she ever had. It was a lie of course, but I appreciated that she cared enough to be willing to lie.


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## violencejack99

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Depends. *Were you joking about your sexual prowess with her or other partners?*
> 
> One, with other partners, I see as your fault. The other, describing her, I see as hurtful and unwarranted.


it was just a general thing, like "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" in a joking kind of way. I don't remember what started the conversation about sex but we were talking about it and I just kind of blurted that out

when she retorted with "you're not the biggest" her tone wasn't in a joking manner like mine was


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## *Deidre*

TX-SC said:


> When she said "You're not the biggest I've ever had." you should have said, "Well, you're the biggest I've ever had." and left it at that.


 haha!!! That just struck me funny :x


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## *Deidre*

So, there seems to be a theme running here with threads of people who feel this need to 'one up' their spouses over their sexual pasts...is this what I have to look forward to in marriage? 

Don't one up your significant other. If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all. Think most of us learned that in kindergarten?


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## arbitrator

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


*I'd probably come back with some well-deserved, smarta$$ remark like, "Well Sweetheart, you are most definitely the biggest that I've ever had! 

Do you happen to have a spare "2" x "4" and a binding strap that I could wrap across my buttocks to keep me from falling in?"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notmyrealname4

violencejack99 said:


> it was just a general thing, like "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" in a joking kind of way. I don't remember what started the conversation about sex but we were talking about it and I just kind of blurted that out
> 
> when she retorted with "you're not the biggest" her tone wasn't in a joking manner like mine was




In that context, that was really mean of her.

If your wife obviously enjoys herself with you; and you joke around and say how great you are . . .I think that's an opportunity for her to agree and tell you how good you make her feel.

Sorry, hope this is just a one-time thing. A stupid sh/tty remark that came out of her mouth.

If your marriage is good overall, that's probably what it was.

How would you feel about telling her directly that it made you feel bad?


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## straightshooter

VJ,

Suppose she told you that you were the biggest but you were really ****ty in bed??

My guess is she may n ot have the biggest tits you have ever had either. Or the tightest vagina??

So if it bothers you that much fire one back at her, but if your sex life is good what's the big deal. 

Most women will tell you it's what you do with it not just the size of it.

So relax buddy, it ain't the end of the world.


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## niceguy28

It was a messed up thing to say and if you told her that she did not have the tightest you know what you've ever had or the best breasts then it would have been WWIII. OP if you're being honest would you say your wife is the best you've had? Odds are you probably have had better at some point. I mean I love my wife but she is not the best looking woman I've ever been with. At the end of the day women don't worry about penis size nearly as much as we do. It's just a fact. I think having a larger penis can help on the margins but at the end of the day sex is so much more than penetration for women and women are not as visual as we are. It's just not how they are wired. Also, and never forget this. Most women are FAR more self-conscious about themselves and their bodies than you will ever be. You probably said something that made her feel insecure and she decided to try and hit back. Don't feel insecure at all about this. Of course she has had bigger, that's just the law of averages. She chose you though. Being overly worried about your penis size is some beta stuff man. The baddest guy is the guy who isn't well endowed but he has confidence oozing out of his pores and who is skilled enough to make his woman think he's the best she's ever had or will ever have.


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## frusdil

TX-SC said:


> When she said "You're not the biggest I've ever had." you should have said, "Well, you're the biggest I've ever had." and left it at that.


:rofl: :rofl:


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## Cooper

You should have told her she needs to re calibrate her twat gauge because it's obviously been stretched out over the years.


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## TAMAT

VJ,

Did you ever have "the talk" with your W about her past experiences and did you reveal yours?

Are men from her past still in her life facebook, twitter etc.

Did she ever cheat on you in the past.

When my W said something similar to me I immediately thought of OM-1.

It's the kind of comment which never goes away.

Tamat


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## TAMAT

VJ,

To answer your original question, had my Ws statement been that blunt I would have said, "who is he so I can castrate him".

Tamat


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## Married but Happy

Well, OP, it certainly wasn't loving of her to say that, but of course without knowing what you said to her while bragging, it's impossible to know if her response was actually inappropriate. Care to elaborate?


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## SimplyAmorous

Sounds like your *bragging* dragged in her wanting to put you down... any man who goes on about his sexual prowlness in front of a woman he's in a relationship with, cares about.. WHY ??... what the hell did you expect.. her to just stand there?... 

Personally I see it as pure childish on both your parts..

There is no point in cutting each other down like this...Be humble.. show love for whom you're with...and respect.. if you don't feel this way about each other.. end it.


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## samyeagar

violencejack99 said:


> it was just a general thing, like "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" in a joking kind of way. I don't remember what started the conversation about sex but we were talking about it and I just kind of blurted that out
> 
> when she retorted with "you're not the biggest" her tone wasn't in a joking manner like mine was


So there was no reference to another woman, or women? Have you ever made her feel as if you compare her sexually to other women?

Does she tend to cut you down or dismiss you when you express positive feelings about yourself?


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## lifeistooshort

My hb isn't the biggest, but he's big enough and by far the best.

The biggest was my first, and he wasn't that great.....and he was half the man my hb is.

But I'm not sure why she'd make the comment.....why would she want to stick it to you like that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks

When you go fishing for compliments, you never know what you'll catch.


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## EllisRedding

Sorry to hear about your small penis OP ... >










All jokes aside, if all you said was somethings along the lines of "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" then honestly her response was completely inappropriate. Obviously if you made further comments that would somehow be interpreted as conquests with prior women, then I can see where her response would come from.


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## lifeistooshort

EllisRedding said:


> Sorry to hear about your small penis OP ... >
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> All jokes aside, if all you said was somethings along the lines of "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" then honestly her response was completely inappropriate. Obviously if you made further comments that would somehow be interpreted as conquests with prior women, then I can see where her response would come from.


Yep. My husband used to run his mouth about exes and eventually I got tired of it and told him all about the huge penis on my first.

The comments stopped after that. 

It would be helpful if op would clarify exactly what he said. Most women wouldn't make such a comment without a perceived reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding

violencejack99 said:


> it was just a general thing, like "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" in a joking kind of way. I don't remember what started the conversation about sex but we were talking about it and I just kind of blurted that out
> 
> when she retorted with "you're not the biggest" her tone wasn't in a joking manner like mine was





lifeistooshort said:


> Yep. My husband used to run his mouth about exes and eventually I got tired of it and told him all about the huge penis on my first.
> 
> The comments stopped after that.
> 
> It would be helpful if op would clarify exactly what he said. Most women wouldn't make such a comment without a perceived reason.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See above quote from OP about what he said. I have to believe something more was said or has been said in the past to draw that type of response from her.


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## lifeistooshort

EllisRedding said:


> See above quote from OP about what he said. I have to believe something more was said or has been said in the past to draw that type of response from her.


Yes, I just saw that comment. I agree that there has to be more to the back story....that's a sh!tty comment to make based on a guy commenting in general that he's good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

Mohammed Ali was the baddest, big-****ed mofo in the boxing ring. Until George Foreman came along. 

There will always be a bigger penis out there, lurking in the shadows like a ninja waiting to pounce. 

Violence it should have come to no surprise to you that if your wife had prior partners there was a good chance that one of them had a larger rod than you. Its the law of probability, and if you are white boy you are already at a genetic disadvantage compared to probably 50% of the US male population. So don't sweat it.

It was a pretty sh!tty thing for her to say. If you said exactly what you said I don't see where you were comparing her to your past conquests. She took what you said out of context and came back with a stupid remark. Women run their jaws all the time, often with one of their discernment lobes disconnected from the rest of their brain, so you never know what is going to come out of a chick's piehole. Ignore it and move on. You are a better man than to dwell on some stupid offhand remark. 

Next time she runs her mouth like that, stick something in it.


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## BetrayedDad

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess.


Unless you're 8-9", I wouldn't begin to consider bragging. No matter how big you think you are, there's always someone bigger.

You kind of brought it on yourself. Let the D do the talking not your mouth.


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## jorgegene

unfortunately, in many marriages there is a power struggle. it's human nature (the dark side).

ideally, there is only love, giving and caring from both sides, but we know that is not reality.

for whatever reason, spouses fall victim to insecurity and feel the need to put the other down when they feel they don't have the upper hand.

THAT is what i think what motivated her to say what she did. now you might ponder why she feels insecure and feels the need to knock you down a couple of pegs.


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## Nucking Futs

Send her this link and tell her you're up for paying for it if she's willing. :wink2:

_Disclaimer: Don't be stupid enough to actually do this._


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## uhtred

She may have not realized how important penis size is to a lot of men. It is rather strange, its nothing you can change, and its not particularly important for anything, but still many men care.

Its probably good that penis enlargement surgery isn't easy or there would be a lot of uncomfortable women out there.


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## Middle of Everything

uhtred said:


> She may have not realized how important penis size is to a lot of men. It is rather strange, its nothing you can change, and its not particularly important for anything, but still many men care.
> 
> *Its probably good that penis enlargement surgery isn't easy or there would be a lot of uncomfortable women out there.*


True. If it were cheap and easy I think there would be guys out there actually packing "d!ck almighty" from the old 2 live crew song.


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## wild jade

lifeistooshort said:


> Yes, I just saw that comment. I agree that there has to be more to the back story....that's a sh!tty comment to make based on a guy commenting in general that he's good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. I'd only come out with that kind of comment if he was either comparing me unfavorably with other women -- or conversely, if he was acting like he was god's gift to women and how grateful I should be to have him.


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## wild jade

uhtred said:


> She may have not realized how important penis size is to a lot of men. It is rather strange, its nothing you can change, and its not particularly important for anything, but still many men care.
> 
> Its probably good that penis enlargement surgery isn't easy or there would be a lot of uncomfortable women out there.


Doesn't everyone know how important penis size is to men? LOL. You'd have to have your head in the sand to miss that one.


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## Spicy

Yeah, this was a low blow. I agree it was meant to hurt you. Here you are on TAM, so she accomplished her goal. If this is out of her normal character it might behoove you to ask her what you had done to merit a snarky comment like that?

Personally I can't imagine ever saying something like that to my husband, even if he had hurt me with something he had said. Sexuality between a married couple doesn't need any dark comments like this. It is beyond counterproductive. I totally get the playful manner you were approaching with, we do it all the time, and that is fun play between two lovers. The right response would have been for her to be playful back, not slam you to the ground.


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## EllisRedding

wild jade said:


> Doesn't everyone know how important penis size is to men? LOL. * You'd have to have your head in the sand to miss that one.*


Funny you mention the bolded, this is what happens when I walk on the beach in the nude


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## Yeswecan

karole said:


> Why are men so sensitive about their penises?


Because penises are sensitive. :grin2:


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## Yeswecan

Hung like a light switch, here.


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## Phil Anders

"That's right, wife--I totally forgot about the year you spent on that zucchini farm! That must have been an interesting stretch in your life; every time we're together I can tell it's had quite an effect on you." <mic drop>


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## RandomDude

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


Before my ex and I married she said the same thing to me to puncture my ego - that she had guys bigger than me. I just respoused "they obviously didn't know how to use it otherwise u wouldn't be here"

Was a good laugh and that was that. She was testing ur confidence and unfortunately u failed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhtred

There are people who are astonishingly clueless. We've seen posts by men who were married for over a decade before they learned that women could have orgasms, and women who think that sex shouldn't be part of marriage. Not knowing that many men are sensitivity about their size is not that surprising. 




wild jade said:


> Doesn't everyone know how important penis size is to men? LOL. You'd have to have your head in the sand to miss that one.


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## Cletus

EllisRedding said:


> Funny you mention the bolded, this is what happens when I walk on the beach in the nude


You should get that stick removed.


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## Blondilocks

Cletus said:


> You should get that stick removed.


As if Ellis' wasn't funny enough, I now have tears messing up my glasses. Thanks!


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## john117

ChargingCharlie said:


> Biggest doesn't mean best


True. I drive a Mini Cooper


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## Middle of Everything

john117 said:


> True. I drive a Mini Cooper


:surprise:
I thought all on TAM drove 3500 Dually diesels. Quad cab. With a long bed. Maybe a winch too. KC lights. Running boards. I miss anything?


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## Cletus

Middle of Everything said:


> :surprise:
> I thought all on TAM drove 3500 Dually diesels. Quad cab. With a long bed. Maybe a winch too. KC lights. Running boards. I miss anything?


You're thinking of the TAM women. The men are mostly emasculated Prius drivers. Am I right?


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## uhtred

Um yes. Because men who are insecure about their endowments are famous for driving small practical cars......




Cletus said:


> You're thinking of the TAM women. The men are mostly emasculated Prius drivers. Am I right?


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## Middle of Everything

Cletus said:


> You're thinking of the TAM women. The men are mostly emasculated Prius drivers. Am I right?


You're right. Most women on TAM would say their SOs drive diesel duallys. 

A prius is better than a smart car though. I mean come on. Is it in the garage yet or not?


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## Mr. Nail

Middle of Everything said:


> :surprise:
> I thought all on TAM drove 3500 Dually diesels. Quad cab. With a long bed. Maybe a winch too. KC lights. Running boards. I miss anything?





uhtred said:


> Um yes. Because men who are insecure about their endowments are famous for driving small practical cars......


Back Rack, Bed Rails, tonneau cover, and what is practical about a vehicle so small you can't carry your laundry?

Since the Low T days I have plenty of reason to be insecure, but I don't think a big truck is going to fool anyone.


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## Cletus

Mr. Nail said:


> Back Rack, Bed Rails, tonneau cover, and what is practical about a vehicle so small you can't carry your laundry?


A real man can carry a Smart Car IN his laundry.


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## Blondilocks

You're on a roll, Cletus.


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## SimplyAmorous

Here is another perspective... if my husband wasn't a Mr Average when we got together.. he probably would have damn near killed me..we still had trouble getting it in...once it was in.. that's all I ever needed. 

Never tried a tyrannosaurus rex ... Was listening to something the other day.. they speculated a dinosour's penis could have been 12 ft long ! 

For all the John Holmes's out there.. there is a downside for some women... such lengthy penis's can cause more infections - hitting her cervix & all.. .. So long as it's adequate to give her an orgasm.. what else does a woman need ?


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## The Middleman

violencejack99 said:


> men of TAM, how would you respond to this?


"I guess they had to be big in order to feel anything."


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## larry.gray

Middle of Everything said:


> :surprise:
> I thought all on TAM drove 3500 Dually diesels. Quad cab. With a long bed. Maybe a winch too. KC lights. Running boards. I miss anything?


I'm a quandary. I do indeed own a crew cab dually F350 diesel. But I also drive a hybrid. 

The key part is I refuse to drive my wife's minivan >


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## GusPolinski

"That's cool. You're not the tightest I've had."


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## Thound

Tell her now I know why you're all wallowered out.


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## BobSimmons

karole said:


> Why are men so sensitive about their penises?


Why are women so sensitive about their bodies?


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## BobSimmons

violencejack99 said:


> it was just a general thing, like "yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?" in a joking kind of way. I don't remember what started the conversation about sex but we were talking about it and I just kind of blurted that out
> 
> when she retorted with "you're not the biggest" her tone wasn't in a joking manner like mine was


Instead of stewing over it and asking an internet forum which will give you a wide range of opinions of what she meant.. why not..

Just ask her?

Radical idea


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## Livvie

If I were a man and my partner said that to me the way she did to you, I'd probably never feel the same about her again. Not because of content (there's always going to be someone bigger than you unless you are mammoth) but because it was MEAN.


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## bandit.45

Livvie said:


> If I were a man and my partner said that to me the way she did to you, I'd probably never feel the same about her again. Not because of content (there's always going to be someone bigger than you unless you are mammoth) but because it was MEAN.


Yeah but women say stupid sh!t like that all the time and don't even realize they are saying it. Many women have no parking brake between their brain and mouth.

I bet if OP asked her today what she meant by that, she would tell him "I didn't say that. When did I say that?"


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## jb02157

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but women say stupid sh!t like that all the time and don't even realize they are saying it. Many women have no parking brake between their brain and mouth.
> 
> I bet if OP asked her today what she meant by that, she would tell him "I didn't say that. When did I say that?"


Yep I have to face that same thing virtually every day. She just wanted to come up with a hurtful thing to say back to you. It may not even be necessarily true, just something she heard some other woman say while not realizing that damage it would do if she said it.


----------



## anonmd

If my wife told me my member was small, I'd scour the internet for a marriage forum and ask a bunch of strangers how I should feel. Yeah, that's what I'd do.


----------



## EllisRedding




----------



## Yeswecan

Middle of Everything said:


> :surprise:
> I thought all on TAM drove 3500 Dually diesels. Quad cab. With a long bed. Maybe a winch too. KC lights. Running boards. I miss anything?


Yes. Tangling nut sack on the trailer hitch.


----------



## Mr. Nail

larry.gray said:


> I'm a quandary. I do indeed own a crew cab dually F350 diesel. But I also drive a hybrid.
> 
> The key part is I refuse to drive my wife's minivan >


:::SNORT:::

Actually my 18 y.o. Son Chose the mini van over the mini truck (gmc sonoma 4 cylinder) for 2 reasons one he can't drive a Standard Transmission, and two, he regularly fills the van with a bunch of friends for group adventures. (he claimed it was for double dates) 

And to return to the topic at least the OP didn't reply to his wife's comment by asking, "Am I up to the most frequent yet?"


----------



## jld

Mr. Nail said:


> And to return to the topic at least the OP didn't reply to his wife's comment by asking, "Am I up to the most frequent yet?"


:grin2:


----------



## jld

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but women say stupid sh!t like that all the time and don't even realize they are saying it. Many women have no parking brake between their brain and mouth.
> 
> I bet if OP asked her today what she meant by that, she would tell him "I didn't say that. When did I say that?"


Could not help laughing at this. :grin2:


----------



## alexm

jorgegene said:


> unfortunately, in many marriages there is a power struggle. it's human nature (the dark side).
> 
> ideally, there is only love, giving and caring from both sides, but we know that is not reality.
> 
> for whatever reason, spouses fall victim to insecurity and feel the need to put the other down when they feel they don't have the upper hand.
> 
> THAT is what i think what motivated her to say what she did. now you might ponder why she feels insecure and feels the need to knock you down a couple of pegs.


This.

What if she interpreted his comments in a way that made her feel that HER efforts were not up to par - HIS par?

I straight up admit that over the years with my wife, I have said the exact same thing to her, in a joking manner, a handful of times. Usually after a particularly good session. Her response has been to laugh, or roll her eyes, or just give me a look, to which I smile back and say "YOU were awesome". She also knows that I think she's awesome in bed, because I tell her, frequently. She does the same, occasionally.

So if OP's wife never hears that SHE is good in bed, yet hears (even jokingly) him telling her that HE'S awesome, then there you go. It's a (crappy) way to knock him down a peg, which she obviously feels is needed.

As for the size issue - we don't want to hear it, ever. Even if we know we're bigger than the average, we probably won't believe you. Only the 1% of men who know what they have will, and they, ironically, probably DO want to hear it. And literally, the only time a woman should ever comment on their partners size (provided it IS actually big) is the first time they ever see it. Anything after that will be met with a "yeah right". It either takes your breath away that first time (or scares the crap out of you!), or it doesn't.

Further than that, most women have no idea where most men fall within the size range, even if they're staring right at it. Nor do they care 99% of the time. Funny story, but I asked my wife once, jokingly, how big she thought I was. She was a whole inch+ off (under). I'll bet if you asked 100 women how big they thought their husbands junk was, they'd all be off by that much, in either direction. Basically, they don't look, care, or generally notice - unless it's waaay off the scale in either direction. And those people probably make up <5% of the population.


----------



## jorgegene

which is exactly why i have never joked about how good i am, even when she compliments me.

actually, i don't think there's the slightest thing wrong with joking about it, except for that it leaves yourself open to being cut down.

so when my wife pays me a compliment i'm always try to be self effacing, and say something like, 'that's because your so good too!'


----------



## michzz

I always maintain that I'm big enough for government work.

Any lover that wants something else should go elswehere and don't let the door hit you in the bum on the way out the door.

I am positive that I can satisfy, have proof of it many times over. does not depend on a stovepipe. 

Women can expell an 8-pound baby through their hooha. Do they want to deal with that amount of stretching all the time? I doubt it!

Any woman who would say such a thing to the OP--unprovoked, is just plain mean.

But any guy that would get their ego crushed by it is overreacting.

Guys, her looks will face far faster than yours will and with the viagra years approaching, you get renewed vigor that she may not ever get again.

Go fo\igure.


----------



## lifeistooshort

BobSimmons said:


> Why are women so sensitive about their bodies?


Because there's a whole lot of media telling women their bodies are no good. 

I'm not aware of comparable media telling men their penis is no good. 

Have yet to see a heavily photoshopped magazine cover of a huge penis with an article about how to get a perfect beach penis.

Have I missed it?

And most women aren't jerking it to huge fake porn penises.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nucking Futs

alexm said:


> This.
> 
> What if she interpreted his comments in a way that made her feel that HER efforts were not up to par - HIS par?
> 
> I straight up admit that over the years with my wife, I have said the exact same thing to her, in a joking manner, a handful of times. Usually after a particularly good session. Her response has been to laugh, or roll her eyes, or just give me a look, to which I smile back and say "YOU were awesome". She also knows that I think she's awesome in bed, because I tell her, frequently. She does the same, occasionally.
> 
> So if OP's wife never hears that SHE is good in bed, yet hears (even jokingly) him telling her that HE'S awesome, then there you go. It's a (crappy) way to knock him down a peg, which she obviously feels is needed.
> 
> As for the size issue - we don't want to hear it, ever. Even if we know we're bigger than the average, we probably won't believe you. Only the 1% of men who know what they have will, and they, ironically, probably DO want to hear it. And literally, the only time a woman should ever comment on their partners size (provided it IS actually big) is the first time they ever see it. Anything after that will be met with a "yeah right". It either takes your breath away that first time (*or scares the crap out of you!*), or it doesn't.
> 
> Further than that, most women have no idea where most men fall within the size range, even if they're staring right at it. Nor do they care 99% of the time. Funny story, but I asked my wife once, jokingly, how big she thought I was. She was a whole inch+ off (under). I'll bet if you asked 100 women how big they thought their husbands junk was, they'd all be off by that much, in either direction. Basically, they don't look, care, or generally notice - unless it's waaay off the scale in either direction. And those people probably make up <5% of the population.


Yeah, if I had a nickle for every time I heard "Oh hell no, you're not putting that in me!" I would just throw them in the change jar, can't buy much with a few nickles. Fortunately I know just what to say to overcome that objection: "They're not _real_ antlers, they come right off."


----------



## EllisRedding

lifeistooshort said:


> Because there's a whole lot of media telling women their bodies are no good.
> 
> I'm not aware of comparable media telling men their penis is no good.
> 
> Have yet to see a heavily photoshopped magazine cover of a huge penis with an article about how to get a perfect beach penis.
> 
> Have I missed it?
> 
> And most women aren't jerking it to huge fake porn penises.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, the equivalent to the penis would obviously be the vagina, don't think (maybe I have missed) there are many articles about getting the perfect beach vagina either :wink2:

In general terms, women are undoubtedly subjected more heavily to scrutiny over their body vs men, but it does exist for men as well (and is something that IMO has gotten worse over time).


----------



## 225985

lifeistooshort said:


> BobSimmons said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why are women so sensitive about their bodies?
> 
> 
> 
> Because there's a whole lot of media telling women their bodies are no good.
> 
> I'm not aware of comparable media telling men their penis is no good.
> 
> Have yet to see a heavily photoshopped magazine cover of a huge penis with an article about how to get a perfect beach penis.
> 
> Have I missed it?
> 
> And most women aren't jerking it to huge fake porn penises.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...

Yes, you missed it. Guys are being told they need to be 27 year old handsome billionaires if they want to attract high quality women. And well hung and experts in bed. 

And if they are over 35 they might as well be dead. 

Read GQ or Men's Health or Men's Fitness mags.


----------



## Blondilocks

bandit.45 said:


> Violence it should have come to no surprise to you that if your wife had prior partners there was a good chance that one of them had a larger rod than you. Its the law of probability, and* if you are white boy you are already at a genetic disadvantage compared to probably 50% of the US male population...*
> 
> Alright, I've waited long enough. 40+ posts after this and no one took exception or questioned? Inquiring minds want to know. Is this true or was it hot air?


----------



## lifeistooshort

EllisRedding said:


> Well, the equivalent to the penis would obviously be the vagina, don't think (maybe I have missed) there are many articles about getting the perfect beach vagina either :wink2:
> 
> In general terms, women are undoubtedly subjected more heavily to scrutiny over their body vs men, but it does exist for men as well (and is something that IMO has gotten worse over time).


That's true and I should have made the statement that it's apples and oranges.

It was in reply to the comment about womens' bodies in response to why men are sensitive about their penises.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EllisRedding

lifeistooshort said:


> That's true and I should have made the statement that it's apples and oranges.
> 
> It was in reply to the comment about womens' bodies in response to why men are sensitive about their penises.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have piqued my interest though, what would the perfect beach penis or vagina look like???

>


----------



## Blondilocks

Sandless.


----------



## barbados

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but women say stupid sh!t like that all the time and don't even realize they are saying it. Many women have no parking brake between their brain and mouth.
> 
> *I bet if OP asked her today what she meant by that, she would tell him "I didn't say that. When did I say that?*"


So funny and so true ! :grin2:


----------



## Middle of Everything

Blondilocks said:


> Sandless.


Because sand in a vagina is not a good thing. As younger guys we even used that as an insult if another guy was being less than "tough". What did you get some sand in your vagina?>


----------



## lifeistooshort

blueinbr said:


> Yes, you missed it. Guys are being told they need to be 27 year old handsome billionaires if they want to attract high quality women. And well hung and experts in bed.
> 
> And if they are over 35 they might as well be dead.
> 
> Read GQ or Men's Health or Men's Fitness mags.


Well TAM doesn't seem to have gotten this message because it's constantly preached here that if you're in ok shape and have a little money you're entitled to a woman half your age.

And that somehow men get better with age while women decline.

The men of TAM seem to have high opinions of themselves this way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Middle of Everything

EllisRedding said:


> You have piqued my interest though, what would the perfect beach penis or vagina look like???
> 
> >


Well either would at least have to have a six pack wouldn't it?


----------



## Cletus

jorgegene said:


> which is exactly why i have never joked about how good i am, even when she compliments me.
> 
> actually, i don't think there's the slightest thing wrong with joking about it, except for that it leaves yourself open to being cut down.


I enjoy being cut down, if it's funny. 

"When you go swimming in cold water, does your d!ck get bigger?" Make me laugh, and you can call me anything you like.


----------



## notmyrealname4

There are things that a bigger penis can do, that a smaller penis can't.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_fornix_erogenous_zone



I doubt most women go about feeling deprived and angry that they don't get that type of stimulation. I've never had it. It hasn't affected my desire for my husband.


Just like women with especially small vaginas can give a man a sensation that a woman with larger dimensions can't. But most men have orgasms when they have PiV sex.

And, there _are_ women with tighter vaginas. SimplyAmorous seems to be one. A friend of mine had brothers that would tell her about sex and their experiences of it; and one thing was that a girl who was tighter was like "fvcking a rubber band".


So, we are not all sexually equal. Gotta try and get used to the idea; and I know (boy do I ever), that it isn't easy.

But once again, deliberately trying to hit your spouse at their sexual Achilles heel is one of the worst things you can do. Don't do it; even if you're angry. The only exception is to level the playing field if they've been rotten to you. How far you wanna go with paybacks is up to you. Where does it end.


----------



## bandit.45

lifeistooshort said:


> Because there's a whole lot of media telling women their bodies are no good.
> 
> I'm not aware of comparable media telling men their penis is no good.
> 
> Have yet to see a heavily photoshopped magazine cover of a huge penis with an article about how to get a perfect beach penis.
> 
> Have I missed it?
> 
> And most women aren't jerking it to huge fake porn penises.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ever watch a truck commercial? 

Bigger is better.


----------



## bandit.45

Cletus said:


> I enjoy being cut down, if it's funny.
> 
> "When you go swimming in cold water, does your d!ck get bigger?" Make me laugh, and you can call me anything you like.


And if you have a really huge d1ck, do you pass out whenever you get an erection from all the blood raining out of your head?


----------



## bandit.45

Blondilocks said:


> bandit.45 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Violence it should have come to no surprise to you that if your wife had prior partners there was a good chance that one of them had a larger rod than you. Its the law of probability, and* if you are white boy you are already at a genetic disadvantage compared to probably 50% of the US male population...*
> 
> Alright, I've waited long enough. 40+ posts after this and no one took exception or questioned? Inquiring minds want to know. Is this true or was it hot air?
> 
> 
> 
> Because they know I'm right.
Click to expand...


----------



## Cletus

bandit.45 said:


> And if you have a really huge d1ck, do you pass out whenever you get an erection from all the blood raining out of your head?


Every. Damn. Time.


----------



## notmyrealname4

EllisRedding said:


> You have piqued my interest though, what would the perfect beach penis or vagina look like???
> 
> >




You're funny Dav . . . , I mean Ellis.

But beach vagina would mean removing any trace of pubic hair. If you want to wear a teardrop micro bikini :laugh:











or this,
















@MEM11363 (it looks like you're online right now) Should I delete these pics??


----------



## bandit.45

Cletus said:


> Every. Damn. Time.


Wow. 

That must suck when you get a hard-on in an airport shuttle.


----------



## bandit.45

notmyrealname4 said:


> You're funny Dav . . . , I mean Ellis.
> 
> But beach vagina would mean removing any trace of pubic hair. If you want to wear a teardrop micro bikini :laugh:


:banhim::nono::nono:


----------



## notmyrealname4

bandit.45 said:


> :banhim::nono::nono:


Really, should I edit the post? These are suits people wear in public, so isn't that okay?


----------



## Cletus

bandit.45 said:


> Wow.
> 
> That must suck when you get a hard-on in an airport shuttle.


I close my eyes and think of England.


----------



## Cletus

Stop it before I pass out at my desk.


----------



## uhtred

Its out there. Its not as blatant because penises cannot be shown in advertising or openly discussed in our culture. 

From "young Frankenstein" where a woman shows great interest, and later great pleasure on learning that "all parts" of the monsters's body had to be enlarged to make them easier to work on. There are hints in all sorts of movies, etc. 

Men are bombarded with images of how fit / muscular they should be. There is a common thread in many movies that manliness is judged by fighting ability - that men who are unable to in a fist fight are worthless. 

There are a near infinite number of spam emails telling you how to get a bigger penis.

Is it as bad as for women? Probably not, though I don't know how to measure. Insecurity sells - or rather selling products to insecure people works. 

Personally, I don't care. None of my self-worth is tied up in the size of my penis - which I will admit is small that that of a horse. Similarly my lack of ability to out-wrestle a gorilla doesn't keep me awake at night. I think the average boy scout, (or girl scout) could take me in a fight, but fortunately being assaulted by boy scouts isn't high on my list of worries.






lifeistooshort said:


> Because there's a whole lot of media telling women their bodies are no good.
> 
> I'm not aware of comparable media telling men their penis is no good.
> 
> Have yet to see a heavily photoshopped magazine cover of a huge penis with an article about how to get a perfect beach penis.
> 
> Have I missed it?
> 
> And most women aren't jerking it to huge fake porn penises.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nucking Futs

notmyrealname4 said:


> Really, should I edit the post? These are suits people wear in public, so isn't that okay?


In Florida those suits could get you arrested. Might let it go on South Beach but don't try it on Daytona Beach.


----------



## TX-SC

It would seem that many younger women have been conditioned through porn and "word of mouth" that larger penises are more desirable and that a man with a large penis is more manly. The reality is that few women will say that they want or need a large penis, but they find them more of a turn on and are attracted to them more in that regard. Most recent studies show that women are attracted to larger ones but are more onto average for a LTR or marriage. So, they are fun for a bit, but not so much for everyday use (YMMV). 

There are surgeries and dieting/working out for women to change how their body looks. Heck, some women are even getting labioplasty to make their vagina look different. Men have no such ability to change their penis aside from circumcision. What we have is what we have. To reject what we have is to reject us. That's why guys often worry about their package. It's also why making snide comments about it is hurtful.


----------



## EllisRedding

notmyrealname4 said:


> Really, should I edit the post? These are suits people wear in public, so isn't that okay?


Might be borderline with some of the mods here, so don't be surprised if you get asked to take down (I think I have been asked this for less lol)


----------



## larry.gray

lifeistooshort said:


> And most women aren't jerking it to huge fake porn penises.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not that i'm aware. But if you go to the adult shop, they don't sell many small dildo or vibrators.


----------



## Blondilocks

TX-SC said:


> It would seem that many younger women have been conditioned through porn and "word of mouth" that larger penises are more desirable and that a man with a large penis is more manly. The reality is that few women will say that they want or need a large penis, but they find them more of a turn on and are attracted to them more in that regard. Most recent studies show that women are attracted to larger ones but are more onto average for a LTR or marriage. So, they are fun for a bit, but not so much for everyday use (YMMV).
> 
> There are surgeries and dieting/working out for women to change how their body looks. Heck, some women are even getting labioplasty to make their vagina look different. *Men have no such ability to change their penis aside from circumcision. What we have is what we have. *To reject what we have is to reject us. That's why guys often worry about their package. It's also why making snide comments about it is hurtful.


UMP has had some success. Don't recall the equipment he uses.


----------



## Blondilocks

Not in your wildest imagination could one call those strings and fabric scraps 'swim suits'.


----------



## uhtred

If you go to adult shops that cater to women (like good vibrations), the popular models tend to be average sized. Yes there are some huge ones, but if you go online at one of those shops, and look for "popular" products, most are pretty typical human sized. 

OTOH, if you go into a gay toy shop, there tend to be sizes from huge to "you've got to be kidding". 

There are a lot of hints that *men* care about penis size, but women don't. 

Then again, I think far fewer men care about breast size than women think care. 







larry.gray said:


> Not that i'm aware. But if you go to the adult shop, they don't sell many small dildo or vibrators.


----------



## Personal

lifeistooshort said:


> And that somehow men get better with age while women decline.


We all decline...


----------



## bandit.45

larry.gray said:


> Not that i'm aware. But if you go to the adult shop, they don't sell many small dildo or vibrators.


I saw a market study once. 7" dildos have the best sales record followed closely by 8".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Blondilocks said:


> Not in your wildest imagination could one call those strings and fabric scraps 'swim suits'.


Damn right! It's disgusting! Disgusting I tell you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 225985

lifeistooshort said:


> Well TAM doesn't seem to have gotten this message because it's constantly preached here that if you're in ok shape and have a little money you're entitled to a woman half your age.
> 
> And that somehow  men get better with age while women decline.
> 
> The men of TAM seem to have high opinions of themselves this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well, not necessarily half our age. More like 40% our age. For some reason, us 50 yo guys think getting a hot 30 yo is possible, at least theoretically.

I wonder why we think that. 

Btw, with my looks, build and money i can get lots of slim 30 yo women. But I like them to have teeth. Plus still married so it's just hypothetical.


----------



## jorgegene

blueinbr said:


> Well, not necessarily half our age. More like 40% our age. For some reason, us 50 yo guys think getting a hot 30 yo is possible, at least theoretically.
> 
> I wonder why we think that.
> 
> Btw, with my looks, build and money i can get lots of slim 30 yo women. But I like them to have teeth. Plus still married so it's just hypothetical.


One problem with getting a woman half my age is that there are women around my own age that are more beautiful than many women half my age.

thats a real dilemma. At least in back in my bachelor days.


----------



## 225985

bandit.45 said:


> I saw a market study once. 7" dildos have the best sales record followed closely by 8".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well that is not as bad as it seems. A person does need to grip part of it so the "effective" or "useable" length might be 6"


----------



## Personal

notmyrealname4 said:


> Personal,
> 
> 
> If you've got "it", you've got "it".
> 
> And you, most certainly, seem to have "it".
> 
> 
> So, it kind of renders you tone deaf, in a thread like this.:wink2:


Thanks...


----------



## notmyrealname4

5" feel pretty good too---I almost fell through the glass shower door, it felt so good.

But there ARE women who want huge; and that's their right.

I just think that guys *dream* of being able to satisfy the size queen, instead of saying "the size queen isn't for me".


----------



## notmyrealname4

Personal said:


> Thanks...


----------



## musicftw07

Size isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I'm about 8". (On a 5'8" 140-150 lb frame, no less!) My GF, who before she was married had no shortage of sexual partners, has flat out told me I'm the biggest she's ever had by far, and that I'm also by far the best. But I don't attribute "the best" to being her biggest... She whispers words of love in my ear during sex all the time, something she said she has never done with anyone else before, and she was with her XH for 11 years.

So there's more to it. We connect on a huge emotional level, which makes the sex all that much better for us both.

The other aspect is that with many of my partners (including my GF on occasion), I'd sometimes hit their cervix in a really painful way. Unintentionally, of course. But still, it happens.

My XW cried during sex once as a result of it. That was a horrible experience for me, and clearly put a stop to the sex that night. And my 8" penis didn't stop her from having an affair.

Having a large penis means you always have to be careful, and that you can't just really let yourself go. I can 99% of the time with GF, as she had a very difficult birth with her daughter that lead to what she calls "re-engineering" of her organs inside. (They're prolapsed, so she wears a pessary.) This has made her insides far more "malleable" to my size, and it's very rare where I do something painful to her. But with some positions I still have to be very mindful.

Grass isn't necessarily any greener. You just have a different set of issues.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

#notsohumblebrag


----------



## Kevin1q2

Lolllllll


----------



## larry.gray

uhtred said:


> If you go to adult shops that cater to women (like good vibrations), the popular models tend to be average sized. Yes there are some huge ones, but if you go online at one of those shops, and look for "popular" products, most are pretty typical human sized.


I didn't say they were all huge, I said they don't sell little ones. That's my point. Women are OK with "average" but not OK with little.

A guy being below average really does have a concern.



uhtred said:


> Then again, I think far fewer men care about breast size than women think care.


I'm a perfect example of just that. I find most breasts rather attractive. The only thing I don't is a fat woman who's flat. Other than that they all look good to me.


----------



## violencejack99

musicftw07 said:


> Size isn't all it's cracked up to be.
> 
> I'm about 8". (On a 5'8" 140-150 lb frame, no less!) My GF, who before she was married had no shortage of sexual partners, has flat out told me I'm the biggest she's ever had by far, and that I'm also by far the best. But I don't attribute "the best" to being her biggest... She whispers words of love in my ear during sex all the time, something she said she has never done with anyone else before, and she was with her XH for 11 years.
> 
> So there's more to it. We connect on a huge emotional level, which makes the sex all that much better for us both.
> 
> The other aspect is that with many of my partners (including my GF on occasion), I'd sometimes hit their cervix in a really painful way. Unintentionally, of course. But still, it happens.
> 
> My XW cried during sex once as a result of it. That was a horrible experience for me, and clearly put a stop to the sex that night. And my 8" penis didn't stop her from having an affair.
> 
> Having a large penis means you always have to be careful, and that you can't just really let yourself go. I can 99% of the time with GF, as she had a very difficult birth with her daughter that lead to what she calls "re-engineering" of her organs inside. (They're prolapsed, so she wears a pessary.) This has made her insides far more "malleable" to my size, and it's very rare where I do something painful to her. But with some positions I still have to be very mindful.
> 
> Grass isn't necessarily any greener. You just have a different set of issues.


This post just comes across as bragging.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

michzz said:


> Guys, her looks will face far faster than yours will and with the viagra years approaching, you get renewed vigor that she may not ever get again..


Gonna let you in on a little secret.

Most men don't age well. At _*all*_.

One needs only to stroll around the mall and take a look at the older married couples to see that. Better yet, do a search for men 50-55 in your geographical area on any dating site, like I used to do when I was dating. The results will frighten you. It was like looking at a slow motion train wreck for me.

Pretty much all of them were bald or balding and what was left of their hair was either grey or white. Practically none of them were in shape - they were either pudgy/doughy or just downright fat. Most had a haggard look on their faces and an abundance of wrinkles, as though they had worked out in the sun for the last 40 years without a single break. Sadly, most just looked like your average 'grandpa' and I wasn't ready to go down that road.

Secondly, Viagra doesn't renew your vigor or give you a new sex drive. It simply* allows* the blood to flow easier and stronger which in turn allows a better and/or longer erection. It's about blood flow, not vigor.

But sadly, all the Viagra in the world won't make a difference if your average older man looks like Father Time. Unless he's got buckets of money sitting out on his front porch, the hot younger ladies aren't going to be knocking on his door anytime soon. That's a promise.


----------



## jld

violencejack99 said:


> This post just comes across as bragging.


Hmm. I did not think so. To me it sounded like he was just sharing his experience.


----------



## 225985

musicftw07 said:


> Size isn't all it's cracked up to be.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm about 8". (On a 5'8" 140-150 lb frame, no less!) My GF, who before she was married had no shortage of sexual partners, has flat out told me I'm the biggest she's ever had by far, and that I'm also by far the best. But I don't attribute "the best" to being her biggest... She whispers words of love in my ear during sex all the time, something she said she has never done with anyone else before, and she was with her XH for 11 years.
> 
> 
> 
> So there's more to it. We connect on a huge emotional level, which makes the sex all that much better for us both.
> 
> 
> 
> The other aspect is that with many of my partners (including my GF on occasion), I'd sometimes hit their cervix in a really painful way. Unintentionally, of course. But still, it happens.
> 
> 
> 
> My XW cried during sex once as a result of it. That was a horrible experience for me, and clearly put a stop to the sex that night. And my 8" penis didn't stop her from having an affair.
> 
> 
> 
> Having a large penis means you always have to be careful, and that you can't just really let yourself go. I can 99% of the time with GF, as she had a very difficult birth with her daughter that lead to what she calls "re-engineering" of her organs inside. (They're prolapsed, so she wears a pessary.) This has made her insides far more "malleable" to my size, and it's very rare where I do something painful to her. But with some positions I still have to be very mindful.
> 
> 
> 
> Grass isn't necessarily any greener. You just have a different set of issues.




Oh please. A guy with very green grass telling us the grass is not always greener.....

We did not miss your "by far the best" quote. 

Jeez.


----------



## 225985

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Hmm. I did not think so. To me it sounded like he was just sharing his experience.




Yes he shared his big experience.


----------



## john117

larry.gray said:


> I'm a quandary. I do indeed own a crew cab dually F350 diesel. But I also drive a hybrid.
> 
> The key part is I refuse to drive my wife's minivan >


Only drove a rental Town & Country minivan for a week during a college move. Manliness aside I was blown away. I tend to drive small nimble cars (Saab 900 SPG, Mini Cooper S) but the van drove like a dream and had all manly luxuries.


----------



## violencejack99

jld said:


> Hmm. I did not think so. To me it sounded like he was just sharing his experience.


subtle bragging.

his entire post could be summed up as #bigd!ckproblems

_"even though I'm by far the biggest & best my wife has ever had, and I hit the cervix of every GF I've had with my 8' sasuage, having a big d!ck isn't all that great because...reasons"_

:|


----------



## jld

blueinbr said:


> Yes he shared his big experience.





violencejack99 said:


> subtle bragging.
> 
> his entire post could be summed up as #bigd!ckproblems
> 
> _"even though I'm by far the biggest & best my wife has ever had, and I hit the cervix of every GF I've had with my 8' sasuage, having a big d!ck isn't all that great because...reasons"_
> 
> :|


I understand it sounded that way to you. It just did not to me.


----------



## alexm

notmyrealname4 said:


> I doubt most women go about feeling deprived and angry that they don't get that type of stimulation. I've never had it. It hasn't affected my desire for my husband.


No, they don't, but at the same time, most people have their preferences, and if their partner doesn't measure up (no pun intended) then it can become an issue. Moreso for women, I think. As you said, men can orgasm virtually every time they have PIV (or stimulation in general). So we're pretty good, regardless of what we're putting it in to.

I've said it before in other threads, but I can tell you with all honesty that my ex wife would have preferred a smaller penis, yet my current wife would prefer a bigger one. The difference in their sizes is night and day. The key is "prefer", not require or demand, so it was a relative non-issue with my ex wife and a definite non-issue with my current wife, but all the same.

The irony, if there is one, is that what I have works for my wife, even though certain positions are clearly her preference, as I can't hit the right spots otherwise. Using a ring to make it harder and increase the thickness ever so slightly, makes a noticeable difference to her as well. With my ex wife, those same positions were off limits, because it would hurt, and a ring would have made it worse. I don't mind accommodating my wife with her preferences, but at the same time, it sometimes bruises my ego ever so slightly that certain positions are not quite "enough", or when she requests I use a ring (or hands it to me, or puts it on herself, etc.) It's not that she can't be satisfied without those positions or using the ring, but it's clearly and obviously better when we do.

I went from being too big for one woman, to being adequate, if not slightly under-sized, with another. :surprise:


----------



## 225985

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I understand it sounded that way to you. It just did not to me.




Don't mind me. I am just jealous.


----------



## alexm

TX-SC said:


> It would seem that many younger women have been conditioned through porn and "word of mouth" that larger penises are more desirable and that a man with a large penis is more manly. The reality is that few women will say that they want or need a large penis, but they find them more of a turn on and are attracted to them more in that regard. Most recent studies show that women are attracted to larger ones but are more onto average for a LTR or marriage. So, they are fun for a bit, but not so much for everyday use (YMMV).


Whether we like it or not (or care) - that's the reality.

As you said, it's more a novelty than anything, and practical use is (usually) besides the point.

The funny thing is that a truly huge penis is a rarity, and when a woman encounters one, it's worth talking about, and also hard to forget, I imagine. Same goes for very small ones. If you're among the 95% or so of men who all fall within the 5-7 range, and don't have some kind of apparent difference (curve, etc.) then it's not worth talking about, even if your girlfriend or wife or ONS or whatever likes it.

It also seems to be one of those things that many women "want to try" at some point in their lives, again for the novelty factor, I suppose. It's curiosity simply because it's not common. It's also something that's never quite forgotten. We see it in posts here, as well, where women have remarked on past partners from even 20 or 30 years ago. It's rarely remembered fondly (ie. too big, didn't work), but all the same. So whether we men like it or not, you women remember these things, because you notice and file it away. It's unlikely most women remember the average sized penises the same way they remember the monsters or the small ones. You may remember the person, or their skill (or lack of it), but not the body part.

While vagina sizes certainly vary, I don't think it changes the tactile aspect to sex for a man nearly as much as penis size would for a woman, either. Therefore it can be something on a womans 'bucket list', so to speak.

What I'm trying to say is that, although it really doesn't matter, it's still there, and we men are reminded of it more often than you'd think. Most of us don't care, just as most of you women don't care what size your breasts are - because it doesn't really matter. But I'll bet it's in the back of your mind somewhere. It is for us, too.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



blueinbr said:


> Don't mind me. I am just jealous.


That's what I thought.


----------



## alexm

bandit.45 said:


> I saw a market study once. 7" dildos have the best sales record followed closely by 8".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not to be too graphic, but I, like most men, have seen dildos used both in person and in porn. They usually don't go all the way in right up to the end, and are more used to hit the right spots, while leaving some room to hold, if you can picture what I mean. So a 7 or 8 inch dildo isn't going 7 or 8 inches into a vagina.

OTOH, we men tend to put it ALL the way in, but most men are not 7 or 8 inches long. And if they are 8 inches, it's probably not their partners preference that they bang away with all of it...

I'd be curious to see what the average _girth_ of the most popular dildos purchased is. That's far more indicative of a woman's preference then length.


----------



## MrsAldi

Why on earth would a woman say that to a man she loves? 




Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm

WorkingOnMe said:


> #notsohumblebrag





violencejack99 said:


> This post just comes across as bragging.


I don't get these types of comments. Guy was responding to how this post has gone, from a POV that is not of the majority, therefore he's bragging? I've been accused (very recently) of doing the same thing (different topic), and it's ridiculous. It's an anonymous forum, for one. Bragging about whatever it is (in this case, an 8" penis) is telling people IRL, on the street, your buddies, or anyone who will listen. Not chiming in on an anonymous forum with a RELEVANT and practical response to the topic at hand.

He's coming from the POV that a larger penis is NOT ideal, and that he's been lucky to find a partner that fits. That hardly sounds like bragging. Quite the opposite, really.


----------



## 225985

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



alexm said:


> Whether we like it or not (or care) - that's the reality.
> 
> 
> 
> As you said, it's more a novelty than anything, and practical use is (usually) besides the point.
> 
> 
> 
> The funny thing is that a truly huge penis is a rarity, and when a woman encounters one, it's worth talking about, and also hard to forget, I imagine. Same goes for very small ones. If you're among the 95% or so of men who all fall within the 5-7 range, and don't have some kind of apparent difference (curve, etc.) then it's not worth talking about, even if your girlfriend or wife or ONS or whatever likes it.
> 
> 
> 
> It also seems to be one of those things that many women "want to try" at some point in their lives, again for the novelty factor, I suppose. It's curiosity simply because it's not common. It's also something that's never quite forgotten. We see it in posts here, as well, where women have remarked on past partners from even 20 or 30 years ago. It's rarely remembered fondly (ie. too big, didn't work), but all the same. So whether we men like it or not, you women remember these things, because you notice and file it away. It's unlikely most women remember the average sized penises the same way they remember the monsters or the small ones. You may remember the person, or their skill (or lack of it), but not the body part.
> 
> 
> 
> While vagina sizes certainly vary, I don't think it changes the tactile aspect to sex for a man nearly as much as penis size would for a woman, either. Therefore it can be something on a womans 'bucket list', so to speak.
> 
> 
> 
> What I'm trying to say is that, although it really doesn't matter, it's still there, and we men are reminded of it more often than you'd think. Most of us don't care, just as most of you women don't care what size your breasts are - because it doesn't really matter. But I'll bet it's in the back of your mind somewhere. It is for us, too.




Ok. I was agreeing with you until the end. Breast size does matter.

You should see the women in the ads that keep showing up on TAM on my iphone.


----------



## jld

MrsAldi said:


> Why on earth would a woman say that to a man she loves?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Because it is true, and they both value honesty, however painful initially?


----------



## 225985

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Because it is true, and they both value honesty, however painful initially?




Not just initially. Sometimes it is painful forever.

There are some truths that don't ever need to be said because there is no reason to say it.


----------



## jld

blueinbr said:


> Not just initially. Sometimes it is painful forever.


If it continues to be painful, then I think there is some work to do.


----------



## EllisRedding

larry.gray said:


> I didn't say they were all huge, I said they don't sell little ones. That's my point. Women are OK with "average" but not OK with little.
> 
> A guy being below average really does have a concern.


And don't forget, it isn't just about size in terms of length, but also about girth.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



blueinbr said:


> There are some truths that don't ever need to be said because there is no reason to say it.


Disagree. Transparency is part of a healthy marriage.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Disagree. Transparency is part of a healthy marriage.


IDK, I agree with @blueinbr , not everything needs to be said, this does not in any way reflect whether or not the marriage is healthy.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> IDK, I agree with @blueinbr , not everything needs to be said, this does not in any way reflect whether or not the marriage is healthy.


My view of a healthy marriage is one of deep emotional intimacy. It requires transparency.

Transparency offers huge opportunities for growth. You have to face painful things. You cannot escape them.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> My view of a healthy marriage is one of deep emotional intimacy. It requires transparency.
> 
> Transparency offers huge opportunities for growth. You have to face painful things. You cannot escape them.


It is one thing to be transparent, it is another thing to say "truths" that you know will blatantly hurt your SO (you know, that whole empathy thing you preach so much about).


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> It is one thing to be transparent, it is another thing to say "truths" that you know will blatantly hurt your SO (you know, that whole empathy thing you preach so much about).


The purpose of empathy is not to escape pain, Ellis. It is to understand and work through it.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> The purpose of empathy is not to escape pain, Ellis. It is to understand and work through it.


I understand that, but it also means understanding your SO and what truths just don't need to be said. So you want to confront your SO with unnecessary pain b/c you feel like they will grow as they work through it  Where do you draw the line, or is everything open to discussion? Why not just tell your SO every "truth" that pops into your head, if that can't deal then obviously they just don't want to grow.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> I understand that, but it also means understanding your SO and what truths just don't need to be said. So you want to confront your SO with unnecessary pain b/c you feel like they will grow as they work through it  Where do you draw the line, or is everything open to discussion? Why not just tell your SO every "truth" that pops into your head, if that can't deal then obviously they just don't want to grow.


I do tell Dug everything. I have been transparent with him since the beginning. I would feel like a liar otherwise. That would just be so wrong.


----------



## Nucking Futs

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> The purpose of empathy is not to escape pain, Ellis. It is to understand and work through it.


Good God jld, stop listening to the bats and spiders in your head for once.

There's nothing a man can do about the size of his penis. Nothing. So telling him that you prefer a larger penis is telling him you prefer someone else for sex. No matter how much you value truth, some truths not only do more harm than good, they do _only_ harm.

I wouldn't tell a woman that I prefer a smaller ass, even though a smaller ass is achievable for the vast majority of women. Some things don't need to be shared.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Nucking Futs said:


> Good God jld, stop listening to the bats and spiders in your head for once.
> 
> There's nothing a man can do about the size of his penis. Nothing. So telling him that you prefer a larger penis is telling him you prefer someone else for sex. No matter how much you value truth, some truths not only do more harm than good, they do _only_ harm.
> 
> I wouldn't tell a woman that I prefer a smaller ass, even though a smaller ass is achievable for the vast majority of women. Some things don't need to be shared.


Why would you not tell her that, if that is what you really think?


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Nucking Futs said:


> Good God jld, stop listening to the bats and spiders in your head for once.
> 
> There's nothing a man can do about the size of his penis. Nothing. So telling him that you prefer a larger penis is telling him you prefer someone else for sex. No matter how much you value truth, some truths not only do more harm than good, they do _only_ harm.
> 
> I wouldn't tell a woman that I prefer a smaller ass, even though a smaller ass is achievable for the vast majority of women. Some things don't need to be shared.


Your analogy isn't strong enough. To a degree, women can control their ass size.

Imagine telling your W that her p*ssy is a little too loose for your tastes. Then again, even that can be changed to a degree. Imagine telling her that her p*ssy is ugly, and you've definitely eaten out nicer ones. 

That's what we're talking about.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> Your analogy isn't strong enough. To a degree, women can control their ass size.
> 
> Imagine telling your W that her p*ssy is a little too loose for your tastes. Then again, even that can be changed to a degree. Imagine telling her that her p*ssy is ugly, and you've definitely eaten out nicer ones.
> 
> That's what we're talking about.


Again, if that is what you really feel, why would you not tell her?


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Again, if that is what you really feel, why would you not tell her?


What would the value be of stating it?

Serious question: Are you autistic?


----------



## uhtred

I don't know what percentage of purchasers are male.



bandit.45 said:


> I saw a market study once. 7" dildos have the best sales record followed closely by 8".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> What would the value be of stating it?


Transparency deepens relationships. It builds trust.



> Serious question: Are you autistic?


No. Are you?


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> Your analogy isn't strong enough. To a degree, women can control their ass size.
> 
> Imagine telling your W that her p*ssy is a little too loose for your tastes. Then again, even that can be changed to a degree. Imagine telling her that her p*ssy is ugly, and you've definitely eaten out nicer ones.
> 
> That's what we're talking about.


Another example, my W gives birth, feels very self conscious about her body as things are out of whack. We are out on the town, walk by an attractive woman and my W asks me if she is more attractive/has a better body then her. So should I blatantly tell her the truth, yes she is more attractive and has a better body than you  I mean, at that moment, that is the truth. Maybe my W is asking purely to get some reassurance from myself, even if she knows the actual truth.

This whole "you must cause pain to your SO for them to grow" stance is just flat out silly, especially if the pain is unnecessary (and in a case like this, appears to be more of an ego boost then doing anything for your SO) .


----------



## uhtred

They sell all sizes, but I don't know in what ratios. Again, I'm talking about shops that primarily sell to women. Still, I agree that smaller is likely less popular. Still, if pleasing women is the issue, why don't men get hung up about tongue length and flexibility....

Men's interests in breasts vary a lot. I like breasts, but I really don't care at all about their size. Small beasts can look great on some women. 






larry.gray said:


> I didn't say they were all huge, I said they don't sell little ones. That's my point. Women are OK with "average" but not OK with little.
> 
> A guy being below average really does have a concern.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm a perfect example of just that. I find most breasts rather attractive. The only thing I don't is a fat woman who's flat. Other than that they all look good to me.


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Transparency deepens relationships. It builds trust.
> 
> 
> 
> No. Are you?


Indeed. So, do you spout every thought that comes into your head? Do you stop to consider your phrasing? There is no value in saying things that you know will sting, and that have no purpose other than to sting.

If you're not autistic, are you in your 60's / 70's? I'm trying to get an idea of why you would think it's wise to spout every thought you have come to mind. Autism and old age are often causes for this kind of behavior.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> Another example, my W gives birth, feels very self conscious about her body as things are out of whack. We are out on the town, walk by an attractive woman and my W asks me if she is more attractive/has a better body then her. So should I blatantly tell her the truth, yes she is more attractive and has a better body than you  I mean, at that moment, that is the truth. Maybe my W is asking purely to get some reassurance from myself, even if she knows the actual truth.
> 
> This whole "you must cause pain to your SO for them to grow" stance is just flat out silly, especially if the pain is unnecessary (and in a case like this, appears to be more of an ego boost then doing anything for your SO) .


If she already knows the truth, what do you think she will make of your lying to her?

Much better to be honest. That will build her trust. Hurt her feelings a bit, but that is only temporary.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> Indeed. So, do you spout every thought that comes into your head? Do you stop to consider your phrasing? There is no value in saying things that you know will sting, and that have no purpose other than to sting.
> 
> If you're not autistic, are you in your 60's / 70's? I'm trying to get an idea of why you would think it's wise to spout every thought you have come to mind. Autism and old age are often causes for this kind of behavior.


Transparency builds trust, kivlor. It is foundational to emotional intimacy.

Yes, I tell Dug everything, just the way I feel it. He said once that it makes it easy to live with me, as he never has to guess what I am thinking or feeling.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> If she already knows the truth, what do you think she will make of your lying to her?
> 
> Much better to be honest. That will build her trust. Hurt her feelings a bit, but that is only temporary.


Lol, do you even understand women  :scratchhead:


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> Lol, do you even understand women  :scratchhead:


I am a woman, silly!


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I am a woman, silly!


C'mon, you know I am convinced that you and Dug are actually the same person, pulling off one of the greatest internet troll jobs of all time :wink2:


----------



## uhtred

Some of us older guys have such natural charm and distinguished good looks that women just fall for us. Young women often smile at me. No, no, no, I do NOT want to hear that they think I'm such a sweet grandfatherly old man..... Now I have to chase those damn kids off my lawn again. 






She'sStillGotIt said:


> Gonna let you in on a little secret.
> 
> Most men don't age well. At _*all*_.
> 
> One needs only to stroll around the mall and take a look at the older married couples to see that. Better yet, do a search for men 50-55 in your geographical area on any dating site, like I used to do when I was dating. The results will frighten you. It was like looking at a slow motion train wreck for me.
> 
> Pretty much all of them were bald or balding and what was left of their hair was either grey or white. Practically none of them were in shape - they were either pudgy/doughy or just downright fat. Most had a haggard look on their faces and an abundance of wrinkles, as though they had worked out in the sun for the last 40 years without a single break. Sadly, most just looked like your average 'grandpa' and I wasn't ready to go down that road.
> 
> Secondly, Viagra doesn't renew your vigor or give you a new sex drive. It simply* allows* the blood to flow easier and stronger which in turn allows a better and/or longer erection. It's about blood flow, not vigor.
> 
> But sadly, all the Viagra in the world won't make a difference if your average older man looks like Father Time. Unless he's got buckets of money sitting out on his front porch, the hot younger ladies aren't going to be knocking on his door anytime soon. That's a promise.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> C'mon, you know I am convinced that you and Dug are actually the same person, pulling off one of the greatest internet troll jobs of all time :wink2:


Sorry to disappoint!


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> Another example, my W gives birth, feels very self conscious about her body as things are out of whack. We are out on the town, walk by an attractive woman and my W asks me if she is more attractive/has a better body then her. So should I blatantly tell her the truth, yes she is more attractive and has a better body than you  I mean, at that moment, that is the truth. Maybe my W is asking purely to get some reassurance from myself, even if she knows the actual truth.
> 
> This whole "you must cause pain to your SO for them to grow" stance is just flat out silly, especially if the pain is unnecessary (and in a case like this, appears to be more of an ego boost then doing anything for your SO) .


I could see a _case_ for honesty in your example, as she asked a question directly to you, whereas OP didn't ask.

That said, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. I would certainly be pretty careful in how I parsed that answer.

Potential responses that came to mind immediately:
"Sure, she has a nice body. Why'd you ask hon?"
"Does _who_ look better than you?"
"Honey, you look beautiful."

Note that the last 2 completely dodged the question. #2 implies that I didn't even notice her when she was pointed out to me (to reaffirm my focus isn't on other women) and #3 just directly compliments W. None of the options I'd take would end the conversation at "yep, she is hotter than you."


----------



## 225985

The purpose of empathy is also not to cause unnecessary pain.


----------



## jld

OP, please do not take her comment personally. Actually, feel complimented that she has enough trust in you to share her thoughts and feelings with you.


----------



## 225985

EllisRedding said:


> And don't forget, it isn't just about size in terms of length, but also about girth.




Jeez. Thanks for that. Just when i am getting over the length thing you have to bring up girth.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> I could see a _case_ for honesty in your example, as she asked a question directly to you, whereas OP didn't ask.
> 
> That said, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. I would certainly be pretty careful in how I parsed that answer.
> 
> Potential responses that came to mind immediately:
> "Sure, she has a nice body. Why'd you ask hon?"
> "Does _who_ look better than you?"
> "Honey, you look beautiful."
> 
> Note that the last 2 completely dodged the question. #2 implies that I didn't even notice her when she was pointed out to me (to reaffirm my focus isn't on other women) and #3 just directly compliments W. None of the options I'd take would end the conversation at "yep, she is hotter than you."


Completely agreed, there are many ways you can answer the question delicately without causing pain.


----------



## EllisRedding

blueinbr said:


> Jeez. Thanks for that. Just when i am getting over the length thing you have to bring up girth.


----------



## MrsAldi

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Because it is true, and they both value honesty, however painful initially?


It's not true, beauty & penis size is in the eye of the beholder. 
The OP is very upset, he was looking to be complimented. 
His wife failed, now he will never feel good enough having sex with her again. 
What do you tell yours? Sorry sweetie, I've had bigger? 
Yeah that's some nice honesty there, great for marriage.  


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Transparency builds trust, kivlor. It is foundational to emotional intimacy.
> 
> Yes, I tell Dug everything, just the way I feel it. He said once that it makes it easy to live with me, as he never has to guess what I am thinking or feeling.


This isn't remotely true and you know it. You can't possibly speak as fast as you think, and so you can't share all your thoughts. You must determine which to share and which not to.

I regularly do not share thoughts that come to mind. Sometimes because they have no value, sometimes because I value the silence more, sometimes because I can't slow my thinking speed enough, and I'm on to the next thought. 

At any given moment, I may be thinking about the plumbing, and what I'd like to change about my shower; my dad, and how he went crazy; my work and what I didn't finish today; and the lawn, all pretty close to simultaneously. 

I have to choose what is worth stating and what is not.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Now that was funny Ellis...


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



MrsAldi said:


> It's not true, beauty & penis size is in the eye of the beholder.
> The OP is very upset, he was looking to be complimented.
> His wife failed, now he will never feel good enough having sex with her again.
> What do you tell yours? Sorry sweetie, I've had bigger?
> Yeah that's some nice honesty there, great for marriage.
> 
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


How is it not true, if she says it is her experience?

OP can cope with the truth from her. He can also tell her his feelings, that it hurt to hear that. That would be honesty on both sides. Honesty can deepen their intimacy.

I tell Dug everything, just as honestly as I can. It is one of the things he values about me. He says it makes living with me easy.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> This isn't remotely true and you know it. You can't possibly speak as fast as you think, and so you can't share all your thoughts. You must determine which to share and which not to.
> 
> I regularly do not share thoughts that come to mind. Sometimes because they have no value, sometimes because I value the silence more, sometimes because I can't slow my thinking speed enough, and I'm on to the next thought.
> 
> At any given moment, I may be thinking about the plumbing, and what I'd like to change about my shower; my dad, and how he went crazy; my work and what I didn't finish today; and the lawn, all pretty close to simultaneously.
> 
> I have to choose what is worth stating and what is not.


I tell him as much as I reasonably can, kivlor. I certainly do not hide anything. My thoughts are safe with him. He has made it so.


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I tell him as much as I reasonably can, kivlor. I certainly do not hide anything. My thoughts are safe with him. He has made it so.


So, you do determine what is worth stating, and what is not, yes?


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> So, you do determine what is worth stating, and what is not, yes?


I don't speak constantly, so yes.

The point is that I do not _withhold_ anything. And certainly not because I think it would hurt his feelings! My goodness, what a vote of no confidence in him that would be!


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I don't speak constantly, so yes.
> 
> The point is that I do not _withhold_ anything. And certainly not because I think it would hurt his feelings! My goodness, what a vote of no confidence in him that would be!


So, now that we agree that we all must determine what is and isn't worth saying...

Let's take the case of H commenting about his member. Is it of value to state "Meh, I've had bigger." What is the value in this statement? Did he ask for that input? What does it add to the conversation?

Imagine for a moment, if you will, a woman telling her H that she's quite proud of her breasts, and thinks they're nicer looking than average. Then H says "Meh, I've groped some real nice tits. Yours are okay."

What is the value in such a statement? It is worded and aimed to _try_ to injure the other person's ego. And if you love someone, why would you attempt to do that, without good reason?


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I don't speak constantly, so yes.
> 
> The point is that I do not _withhold_ anything. And certainly not because I think it would hurt his feelings! My goodness, what a vote of no confidence in him that would be!


Great, it works for you. By all means, keep doing it. But it'd is not a universal truth for all married couples. Stop trying to make it one, or imply that our marriages are lacking in the required intimacy. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk


----------



## bandit.45

alexm said:


> Not to be too graphic, but I, like most men, have seen dildos used both in person and in porn. They usually don't go all the way in right up to the end, and are more used to hit the right spots, while leaving some room to hold, if you can picture what I mean. So a 7 or 8 inch dildo isn't going 7 or 8 inches into a vagina.
> 
> OTOH, we men tend to put it ALL the way in, but most men are not 7 or 8 inches long. And if they are 8 inches, it's probably not their partners preference that they bang away with all of it...
> 
> I'd be curious to see what the average _girth_ of the most popular dildos purchased is. That's far more indicative of a woman's preference then length.


Agreed. I was told by an ex-girlfriend that girth is more important to her than length. She didn't seem to have any problems with my johnson. 

Her G-spot was about three inches in on the anterior side of her vagina. I usually did better with my fingers than trying to hit it with PIV. Penis size doesn't really matter so much as how you use it and how accurate you are with it.


----------



## TX-SC

First off, enough of the minivan bashing! I mostly drive my Toyota Tundra (270,000 miles and still going!), but I LOVE our 2014 Honda Odyssey! What a wonderful vehicle! 

As to the size of dildos in porn shops... I have noticed there are variations in size and I suspect each person is different. My wife would have zero interest in a dildo. Her favorite toy is a 3" pocket rocket. Insertion means little to her. She just wants a good vibe. I once bought her a nice, big vibe once and used it with her. When I inserted it (slooooowly) she said to take it out. She does NOT like that stretching feeling at all. Sex isn't supposed to hurt! 

I am happily average. My wife loves my size and doesn't want anything bigger inside of her. 

My "number" isn't very large. I've had sex with only 20 women. Of those 20, NONE had an issue with my average size. None of them had a disappointed look on their face when they first saw it or after we were done. 

I think as was noted earlier, it's kind of a novelty and it's something women will remember. Those guys are mostly remembered for their penis. The rest of us are remembered for other things.


----------



## Herschel

TX-SC said:


> First off, enough of the minivan bashing! I mostly drive my Toyota Tundra (270,000 miles and still going!), but I LOVE our 2014 Honda Odyssey! What a wonderful vehicle!
> 
> As to the size of dildos in porn shops... I have noticed there are variations in size and I suspect each person is different. My wife would have zero interest in a dildo. Her favorite toy is a 3" pocket rocket. Insertion means little to her. She just wants a good vibe. I once bought her a nice, big vibe once and used it with her. When I inserted it (slooooowly) she said to take it out. She does NOT like that stretching feeling at all. Sex isn't supposed to hurt!
> 
> I am happily average. My wife loves my size and doesn't want anything bigger inside of her.
> 
> My "number" isn't very large. I've had sex with only 20 women. Of those 20, NONE had an issue with my average size. None of them had a disappointed look on their face when they first saw it or after we were done.
> 
> I think as was noted earlier, it's kind of a novelty and it's something women will remember. Those guys are mostly remembered for their penis. The rest of us are remembered for other things.


My experience with my minivan has me covered.

I now can drive for UberXL, which, makes me feel much better about myself.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> Great, it works for you. By all means, keep doing it. But it'd is not a universal truth for all married couples. *Stop trying to make it one, or imply that our marriages are lacking in the required intimacy. *
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk


The bolded seems reactive. 

You know that we are not all going to agree on a message board, Cletus. The value of a forum is to get a variety of ideas.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> So, now that we agree that we all must determine what is and isn't worth saying...
> 
> Let's take the case of H commenting about his member. Is it of value to state "Meh, I've had bigger." What is the value in this statement? Did he ask for that input? What does it add to the conversation?
> 
> Imagine for a moment, if you will, a woman telling her H that she's quite proud of her breasts, and thinks they're nicer looking than average. Then H says "Meh, I've groped some real nice tits. Yours are okay."
> 
> What is the value in such a statement? It is worded and aimed to _try_ to injure the other person's ego. And if you love someone, why would you attempt to do that, without good reason?


We don't know her intentions, correct? My guess is that it crossed her mind and, trusting him, she shared it.

If his comments about her breasts are true, then that is valuable information to her. _If she can hear it, and not just be reactive._

I understand the truth hurts. But we really can grow closer to our partners if we embrace those truths, and learn from them.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> We don't know her intentions, correct? My guess is that it crossed her mind and, trusting him, she shared it.
> 
> If his comments about her breasts are true, then that is valuable information to her. _If she can hear it, and not just be reactive._
> 
> I understand the truth hurts. But we really can grow closer to our partners if we embrace those truths, and learn from them.


:slap:

Honestly this comes across as nothing more then selfish and ego driven ...


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> :slap:
> 
> Honestly this comes across as nothing more then selfish and ego driven ...


We do not know her motives. 

And honestly, truth spoken with bad motives is still truth, and can be learned from.


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> We don't know her intentions, correct? My guess is that it crossed her mind and, trusting him, she shared it.
> 
> If his comments about her breasts are true, then that is valuable information to her. _If she can hear it, and not just be reactive._
> 
> I understand the truth hurts. But we really can grow closer to our partners if we embrace those truths, and learn from them.


How is it valuable to her? What is the value? You keep stating it is valuable, but what is it that provides value?

Will the knowledge bring them closer together? Or will it sow discontent and jealousy? Is it something she can work on? Is it something that should inform future decision-making?


----------



## I Don't Know

What do you think the OP can learn from this truth?


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> How is it valuable to her? What is the value? You keep stating it is valuable, but what is it that provides value?
> 
> Will the knowledge bring them closer together? Or will it sow discontent and jealousy? Is it something she can work on? Is it something that should inform future decision-making?


I think truth is always valuable, kivlor. 

So she realizes her breasts are not what she thought. That does not mean she has to stop liking them. They are the same as before, correct?

She might realize that she values them only in comparison to some other woman's. She can examine whether or not she likes being that way. She can decide to change, to value things based on their inherent, and not relative, worth. Hearing the truth becomes an opportunity for her to grow.


----------



## jld

I Don't Know said:


> What do you think the OP can learn from this truth?


That his penis has inherent, and not relative, value. It functions, correct? Not even man can say that. It does not have to be "the best," whatever that means, to have great value.

He can also learn to not take everything his wife, or anyone else, says personally. That would be a huge growth opportunity for him.


----------



## samyeagar

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> We do not know her motives.
> 
> And honestly, truth spoken with bad motives is still truth, and can be learned from.


Lets suppose her "motives" were pure as the driven snow...what was the endgame of such a statement? What was she trying to accomplish? Obviously we don't know, so let's play "What if..." in a general sense...

What would be a positive accomplishment, positive take away, positive action item...what would be a positive purpose in such a statement? What is the constructive purpose?


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I think truth is always valuable, kivlor.
> 
> So she realizes her breasts are not what she thought. That does not mean she has to stop liking them. They are the same as before, correct?
> 
> She might realize that she values them only in comparison to some other woman's. She can examine whether or not she likes being that way. She can decide to change, to value things based on their inherent, and not relative, worth. Hearing the truth becomes an opportunity for her to grow.


Or she might decide that she wants her breasts to be All That for her husband, pay thousands of dollars for augmentation, only to die on the operating table from an anesthesia accident.

Just sayin'.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



samyeagar said:


> Lets suppose her "motives" were pure as the driven snow...what was the endgame of such a statement? What was she trying to accomplish? Obviously we don't know, so let's play "What if..." in a general sense...
> 
> What would be a positive accomplishment, positive take away, positive action item...what would be a positive purpose in such a statement? What is the constructive purpose?


If he accepts her statement, this shows growth and their emotional bond will only grow that much stronger ... yeah, sounds like a load of bs to me as well :bsflag: lol If this was her goal in the comment, then as I said before, it is based on being selfish and ego driven.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> That his penis has inherent, and not relative, value. It functions, correct? Not even man can say that. It does not have to be "the best," whatever that means, to have great value.
> 
> *He can also learn to not take everything his wife, or anyone else, says personally*. That would be a huge growth opportunity for him.


This is one way I differ from some people I guess...I typically don't talk simply for the sake of talking. I expect my wife to take things I say personally and seriously.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> Or she might decide that she wants her breasts to be All That for her husband, pay thousands of dollars for augmentation, only to die on the operating table from an anesthesia accident.
> 
> Just sayin'.


Another possibility, indeed.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> If he accepts her statement, this shows growth and their emotional bond will only grow that much stronger ... yeah, sounds like a load of bs to me as well :bsflag: lol If this was her goal in the comment, then as I said before, it is based on being selfish and ego driven.


Approaching her in that spirit might not deepen their intimacy.

But he could certainly still do it if he chose to. That would send her a message about him, too.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Approaching her in that spirit might not deepen their intimacy.
> 
> But he could certainly still do it if he chose to. That would send her a message about him, too.


Commenting about his penis size when it is not warranted in that spirit is what would not deepen their intimacy ...


----------



## jld

samyeagar said:


> This is one way I differ from some people I guess...I typically don't talk simply for the sake of talking. I expect my wife to take things I say personally and seriously.


You are a sensitive man, Sam. There are many upsides to sensitivity. There are some downsides, too. 

Learning not to take things personally can help with the downsides.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> Commenting about his penis size when it is not warranted in that spirit is what would not deepen their intimacy ...


Not initially, when he is reactive. But if he can calm himself, and discuss it, it could.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Not initially, when he is reactive. But if he can calm himself, and discuss it, it could.


So, assuming her comment was completely unwarranted, basically she needed to make a comment to cause him pain so they could then discuss so he could then grow, the ultimate goal being getting emotionally closer  Yeah, nothing selfish or ego driven about that ...


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> So, assuming her comment was completely unwarranted, basically she needed to make a comment to cause him pain so they could then discuss so he could then grow, the ultimate goal being getting emotionally closer  Yeah, nothing selfish or ego driven about that ...


What is "unwarranted"? In marriage, we should be able to share our hearts with each other. 

She had a thought and shared it. That is all we know.

You seem to be projecting motives onto her. Why?


----------



## I Don't Know

I don't know, JLD. "You're not the biggest I've been with" sounds pretty personal to me. True perhaps but in the context it seems to have been said it sounds like it was a jab at him. Like "yeah, we have good sex but there's better out there, I've had it and could get it again."


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> So, assuming her comment was completely unwarranted, basically she needed to make a comment to cause him pain so they could then discuss so he could then grow, the ultimate goal being getting emotionally closer  Yeah, nothing selfish or ego driven about that ...


What doesn't kill you only drives you closer to divorce?


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> What is "unwarranted"? In marriage, we should be able to share our hearts with each other.
> 
> She had a thought and shared it. That is all we know.
> 
> You seem to be projecting motives onto her. Why?


No one is projecting motives, we are simply going by what the OP has told us. in this thread, where if you read, according to him he did not say or do anything to warrant the comment. That may be factually correct or incorrect, but without the OPs W here, we can only work off of what the OP tells us.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> What doesn't kill you only drives you closer to divorce?


When I see my W later I will tell her that between pregnancy and getting older, her boobs just aren't as perky as they were when we started dating. After that I will just open my arms wide up knowing she will come running into them, thanking me for the honesty and the strengthened emotional bond that we just formed. Just hand me my "Husband of the Year" award now :grin2:


----------



## I Don't Know

OP did you ever ask your wife why she felt the need to share that information with you?


----------



## WorkingOnMe

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> Will the knowledge bring them closer together? Or will it sow discontent and jealousy? Is it something she can work on? Is it something that should inform future decision-making?



People on the spectrum can't think in those terms.


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I think truth is always valuable, kivlor.
> 
> So she realizes her breasts are not what she thought. That does not mean she has to stop liking them. They are the same as before, correct?
> 
> She might realize that she values them only in comparison to some other woman's. She can examine whether or not she likes being that way. She can decide to change, to value things based on their inherent, and not relative, worth. Hearing the truth becomes an opportunity for her to grow.


Okay, I'm trying to follow this logically. We've already established that we must determine what we do and don't say.

So, saying it just because you think it doesn't compute.

So, what made this particular truth worth speaking?

When something like this is said, it often comes across as a criticism. Something you want changed. @Cletus covered exactly what came to my mind with the breasts comment: nothing good is going to come of this. 

It would be behaving in a way likely to lead her to insecurity regarding something she is currently proud of. She may want to alter herself with a needless surgery to compensate. Or she'll be insecure and lash out; or hold it in and lead to other problems; or maybe she won't be bothered at all.

Even in the case of not being bothered, it is at best a neutral. It does nothing to improve her, it does nothing to educate, or otherwise increase value personally or maritally. It is only risk, with no reward. Why do it?


----------



## jld

I Don't Know said:


> I don't know, JLD. "You're not the biggest I've been with" sounds pretty personal to me. True perhaps but in the context it seems to have been said it sounds like it was a jab at him. Like "yeah, we have good sex but there's better out there, I've had it and could get it again."


Are you sure you are not interpreting her?

Has he provided any evidence that that is what she meant?


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> No one is projecting motives, we are simply going by what the OP has told us. in this thread, where if you read, according to him he did not say or do anything to warrant the comment. That may be factually correct or incorrect, but without the OPs W here, we can only work off of what the OP tells us.


Again, you think what she said is somehow bad. I don't think she meant it that way.


----------



## Steve1000

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Disagree. Transparency is part of a healthy marriage.


Some things though, do not need to be said unless your spouse asks you. I guess we both agree that I don't need to come out and tell my wife that my ex-girlfriend was more athletic than she is. If my spouse would ask me who is more athletic, then I agree with you that telling her the truth is necessary.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Again, you think what she said is somehow bad. I don't think she meant it that way.


I think what she said is bad based on what the OP has presented to us. (as stated before, all we can go by). You think she meant it otherwise based on your own projections. Big difference here.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Gonna let you in on a little secret.
> 
> Most men don't age well. At _*all*_.
> 
> One needs only to stroll around the mall and take a look at the older married couples to see that. Better yet, do a search for men 50-55 in your geographical area on any dating site, like I used to do when I was dating. The results will frighten you. It was like looking at a slow motion train wreck for me.
> 
> Pretty much all of them were bald or balding and what was left of their hair was either grey or white. Practically none of them were in shape - they were either pudgy/doughy or just downright fat. Most had a haggard look on their faces and an abundance of wrinkles, as though they had worked out in the sun for the last 40 years without a single break. Sadly, most just looked like your average 'grandpa' and I wasn't ready to go down that road.
> 
> Secondly, Viagra doesn't renew your vigor or give you a new sex drive. It simply* allows* the blood to flow easier and stronger which in turn allows a better and/or longer erection. It's about blood flow, not vigor.
> 
> But sadly, all the Viagra in the world won't make a difference if your average older man looks like Father Time. Unless he's got buckets of money sitting out on his front porch, the hot younger ladies aren't going to be knocking on his door anytime soon. That's a promise.




Ouch, yes I'm a 55 year old male, who has lost most of what he never really had. It did not help that I was not all that in my 20s. Oh well, I try to be a good father at this point. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## uhtred

Communication of unpleasant things is only useful if it has some chance of leading to change. Since he can't change his size, the comment didn't help.

OTOH, I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who felt that they had to be very careful about what they said. The best approach to an accidental comment like that is to brush it off with humor - "was that Mr. Ed?"

I got called the wrong name in bed by a former girlfriend. I just laughed and kissed her. She looked so relieved that I hadn't been upset.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> Okay, I'm trying to follow this logically. We've already established that we must determine what we do and don't say.
> 
> So, saying it just because you think it doesn't compute.
> 
> So, what made this particular truth worth speaking?
> 
> When something like this is said, it often comes across as a criticism. Something you want changed. @Cletus covered exactly what came to my mind with the breasts comment: nothing good is going to come of this.
> 
> It would be behaving in a way likely to lead her to insecurity regarding something she is currently proud of. She may want to alter herself with a needless surgery to compensate. Or she'll be insecure and lash out; or hold it in and lead to other problems; or maybe she won't be bothered at all.
> 
> Even in the case of not being bothered, it is at best a neutral. It does nothing to improve her, it does nothing to educate, or otherwise increase value personally or maritally. It is only risk, with no reward. Why do it?


His honesty does educate her and it does give them an opportunity to deepen their relationship. I have already explained how.

I think a lot of you are projecting onto OP's wife. You don't know her motivations. You are guessing they are bad ones. And I have already explained how even if they were bad ones, he can make good come of it.


----------



## jld

uhtred said:


> Communication of unpleasant things is only useful if it has some chance of leading to change. Since he can't change his size, the comment didn't help.
> 
> OTOH, I would never want to be in a relationship with someone who felt that they had to be very careful about what they said. The best approach to an accidental comment like that is to brush it off with humor - "was that Mr. Ed?"
> 
> I got called the wrong name in bed by a former girlfriend. I just laughed and kissed her. She looked so relieved that I hadn't been upset.


I like the use of humor. That is a sign of inner security.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> I think what she said is bad based on what the OP has presented to us. (as stated before, all we can go by). You think she meant it otherwise based on your own projections. Big difference here.


Innocent until proven guilty.


----------



## Hope1964

Telling a guy something like 'you're not the biggest I've been with' is designed solely to hurt him, NOT just to be honest or transparent. It's a sh!tty thing to say, and the ONLY reason for saying it is to be a total b!tch. Even if a guy comes right out and ASKS, you DON'T say something like that to him. It's equivalent to a woman asking if something makes her look fat. Twist it around all you want to try to try and make it look like something else - just makes you look desperate.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Steve1000 said:


> Some things though, do not need to be said unless your spouse asks you. I guess we both agree that I don't need to come out and tell my wife that my ex-girlfriend was more athletic than she is. If my spouse would ask me who is more athletic, then I agree with you that telling her the truth is necessary.


Not if not everything is taken personally. And that requires some maturity, I guess.


----------



## jld

Hope1964 said:


> Telling a guy something like 'you're not the biggest I've been with' is designed solely to hurt him, NOT just to be honest or transparent. It's a sh!tty thing to say, and the ONLY reason for saying it is to be a total b!tch. Even if a guy comes right out and ASKS, you DON'T say something like that to him. It's equivalent to a woman asking if something makes her look fat. Twist it around all you want to try to try and make it look like something else - just makes you look desperate.


I disagree.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Telling a guy something like 'you're not the biggest I've been with' is designed solely to hurt him, NOT just to be honest or transparent. It's a sh!tty thing to say, and the ONLY reason for saying it is to be a total b!tch. Even if a guy comes right out and ASKS, you DON'T say something like that to him. *It's equivalent to a woman asking if something makes her look fat.* Twist it around all you want to try to try and make it look like something else - just makes you look desperate.




A smart man will pivot on the question, act dumb as if he did not hear it. Answer at your peril. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope1964

jld said:


> I disagree.


Of course you do. And I disagree with YOU. Most of the time.


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Not if not everything is taken personally. And that requires some maturity, I guess.


It is very, very hard to imagine a context in which you tell your husband that his penis is not the largest you have ever had as anything but personal.

How much more personal can you get? Just about anyone not on the spectrum would take it personally. Even I, who wouldn't be offended by such a comment, would STILL consider it highly personal.


----------



## Ikaika

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> It is very, very hard to imagine a context in which you tell your husband that his penis is not the largest you have ever had as anything but personal.
> 
> 
> 
> How much more personal can you get? Just about anyone not on the spectrum would take it personally. Even I, who wouldn't be offended by such a comment, would STILL consider it highly personal.




I don't know what the spectrum is and I am not into telling what my size may actually be (not that I have measured mind you) but it seems to me somethings are better of not said. Why do some folks think it is important to say everything on their mind? 




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luvher4life

Some things are better left unsaid, in my opinion, especially considering the damage saying certain things can do. That is the point, jld.

Personally, I don't care if I am the biggest a woman has had. It never has really mattered to me, because women come in all sizes, too. Chances are size doesn't matter to her as much as it does to him. Bigger rarely means better anyway, unless she's unusually large, too. Even then it's about the skill and attractiveness of the man it's attached to.

To the OP: you had to have already known this if she has been with at least 5 to 10 men. Unless you are unusually large, the law of averages would indicate she has had bigger. Does it really matter? Only you can decide. Chances are it never really mattered to her anyway. Your skill set is what matters most, not the size of your member.


----------



## Hope1964

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> It is very, very hard to imagine a context in which you tell your husband that his penis is not the largest you have ever had as anything but personal.
> 
> How much more personal can you get? Just about anyone not on the spectrum would take it personally. Even I, who wouldn't be offended by such a comment, would STILL consider it highly personal.


Apparently none of us are MATURE enough to take it the right way.


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> I don't know what the spectrum is and I am not into telling what my size may actually be (not that I have measured mind you) but it seems to me somethings are better of not said. Why do some folks think it is important to say everything on their mind?


I don't know.

Why are you so unattractive?


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Apparently none of us are MATURE enough to take it the right way.


Guilty as charged.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> I don't know.
> 
> 
> 
> *Why are you so unattractive*?



Because I'm old. 



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## GTdad

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Apparently none of us are MATURE enough to take it the right way.


You're all just being defensive. What's triggering you so badly, Hope?


----------



## Cletus

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



GTdad said:


> You're all just being defensive. What's triggering you so badly, Hope?


Small Penis envy


----------



## Hope1964

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> Small Penis envy


Yes, I just badly want to tell my husband that my first husbands penis was bigger, but I can't because I know he won't like it.

Although, now that my first husband has passed away, maybe he won't take it so badly?? :scratchhead:


----------



## I Don't Know

I recently fixed the A/C on my stepdaughters car. I was being playfully full of myself after that. I said something like, "I can fix anything!" to my wife. Now she could have said, "well Josh was a trained mechanic, he would have fixed it faster." and that would have probably been 100% true, but why? Why step on someone like that? So, I will try harder to fix it faster next time? So I will go to mechanic school? There's no need. Let me have my moment and the next time the meatloaf is a little flat, I'll give you a big hug and tell you how awesome dinner was instead of how I dated Martha Stewart Jr and her meatloaf was ALWAYS on point.

Unless the OP's wife thinks he is bad in bed and wants him to improve, which i doubt or she would have said I've had better not bigger, she should have just said, "Yep you killed it baby" and gave him a high five.


----------



## Kivlor

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> His honesty does educate her and it does give them an opportunity to deepen their relationship. I have already explained how.
> 
> I think a lot of you are projecting onto OP's wife. You don't know her motivations. You are guessing they are bad ones. And I have already explained how even if they were bad ones, he can make good come of it.


I'm not ascribing motive. I'm actually questioning what could her motive be. I'm looking for a positive, and I'm not seeing it.

I'll say this: I doubt she intended harm. It's more likely that she was inconsiderate of the consequences of her actions. Which would fall under negligence. But we are responsible for our behavior, especially when it is negligent.

I would say that lack of consideration is a serious threat to a marriage, not a way to deepen the relationship. Can it be an opportunity? Sure. The OP could have seized the moment, and turned this on the W, so she could learn to be more considerate. He did not, and the moment has passed.


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Yes, I just badly want to tell my husband that my first husbands penis was bigger, but I can't because I know he won't like it.
> 
> Although, now that my first husband has passed away, maybe he won't take it so badly?? :scratchhead:


Any way you could get ahold of said first husband's penor, get it embalmed, and leave it on the bed for your H now to find so he knows what the deal is????


----------



## Hope1964

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



ellisredding said:


> any way you could get ahold of said first husband's penor, get it embalmed, and leave it on the bed for your h now to find so he knows what the deal is????


lol ew!


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Kivlor said:


> I'm not ascribing motive. I'm actually questioning what could her motive be. I'm looking for a positive, and I'm not seeing it.
> 
> I'll say this: I doubt she intended harm. It's more likely that she was inconsiderate of the consequences of her actions. Which would fall under negligence. But we are responsible for our behavior, especially when it is negligent.
> 
> I would say that lack of consideration is a serious threat to a marriage, not a way to deepen the relationship. Can it be an opportunity? Sure. The OP could have seized the moment, and turned this on the W, so she could learn to be more considerate. He did not, and the moment has passed.


Gracious, it is a good thing he did not do that. He would seem even more emotionally dependent on her than he already does!

Using humor, as one poster mentioned, would have been a good idea. Better yet would be just asking her if there was some reason she thought of that, and if there were any concerns about his size. That could have encouraged a thoughtful answer.


----------



## EllisRedding




----------



## Luvher4life

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Yes, I just badly want to tell my husband that my first husbands penis was bigger, but I can't because I know he won't like it.
> 
> Although, now that my first husband has passed away, maybe he won't take it so badly?? :scratchhead:


You should've just "cloned his willy"!:grin2:



For comparison's sake...:surprise:


----------



## Ikaika

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Luvher4life said:


> You should've just "cloned his willy"!:grin2:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> For comparison's sake...:surprise:




Or have casted it and sent it here:

http://phallus.is/en/


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope1964

:rofl:

It wasn't THAT big. Just..................bigger.

And I would NEVER tell my husband that either. Unless I really wanted to hurt him. There really is NO other reason to tell him, even if he asked. And he did ask something along those lines once. I just smiled at him and told him he has NOTHING to worry about.


----------



## 225985

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I don't speak constantly, so yes.
> 
> 
> 
> The point is that I do not _withhold_ anything. And certainly not because I think it would hurt his feelings! My goodness, what a vote of no confidence in him that would be!




Well you already told us you would not stay married to Dug if he made you work. I take that to be a vote of no confidence in him as a husband. It is however a vote of confidence in him as a paycheck. 

But as long as you are honest and he accepts that he has no more value than a paycheck, you both see to be happy.


----------



## TX-SC

Hope1964 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> It wasn't THAT big. Just..................bigger.
> 
> And I would NEVER tell my husband that either. Unless I really wanted to hurt him. There really is NO other reason to tell him, even if he asked. And he did ask something along those lines once. I just smiled at him and told him he has NOTHING to worry about.


You did well.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



blueinbr said:


> Well you already told us you would not stay married to Dug if he made you work. I take that to be a vote of no confidence in him as a husband. It is however a vote of confidence in him as a paycheck.
> 
> But as long as you are honest and he accepts that he has no more value than a paycheck, you both see to be happy.


No, I said that had he wanted several children while also wanting me to work, I would not have married him. He wanted a sahm for his big family, so it was fine.


----------



## alexm

bandit.45 said:


> Agreed. I was told by an ex-girlfriend that girth is more important to her than length. She didn't seem to have any problems with my johnson.
> 
> Her G-spot was about three inches in on the anterior side of her vagina. I usually did better with my fingers than trying to hit it with PIV. Penis size doesn't really matter so much as how you use it and how accurate you are with it.


Big time. I learned this in high school, of all places, when the dude all the chicks wanted happened to have a short, but apparently very very thick willy. Word got around quickly about him, and it didn't take long for girls to start lining up. Ah, high school!

Funny thing was, he was a helluva nice guy and not a jackwad d-bag.


----------



## Blondilocks

Based on the OP's original post, I think 99% of us can agree that she took a pot shot at him. What we don't know are the actual comments before said put-down.

Any spouse who heard such a put-down would think WTH? And, those who wouldn't take it personally are those who are not emotionally invested in the relationship. There are some people who are emotionless. Personally, I wouldn't want to be married to a man who had no emotions or thought so little of me that I could say any mean thing that popped into my head and his feelings wouldn't be hurt. As to using the put-down as an opportunity to grow - bwah ha ha ha ha. That is just so condescending.


----------



## DustyDog

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


I would accept it as the admonishment I deserved.

In my experience (many years, although total qty of SOs in the single digits), women and men alike can be very sensitive to the discussions about sexual intimacy. IMO, if a subject is delicate, being joking about it is risky.

Again, IME, someone bragging about their prowess is likely to be interpreted as "I'm great, if you're not pleased with it, it's your problem". My own observation is that no two of the women I've been with needed the same kind of attention to be pleased/satisfied - not even close.

So, my approach would always be to ask if I can do anything that would please her more...make sure she knows it's about her, not you.


----------



## norajane

Was he joking about his sexual prowess with his wife, or over the course of his life? For example, if he was bragging about how he was such a sexual dynamo that chicks used to line up for his penis...maybe, just maybe, his wife might want to dryly tell him that she's seen bigger.


----------



## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> Any spouse who heard such a put-down would think WTH? And, those who wouldn't take it personally are those who are not emotionally invested in the relationship. There are some people who are emotionless. Personally, I wouldn't want to be married to a man who had no emotions or thought so little of me that I could say any mean thing that popped into my head and his feelings wouldn't be hurt. As to using the put-down as an opportunity to grow - bwah ha ha ha ha. That is just so condescending.


Excuse me? 

I would consider it playful banter, and probably come back with something like "if your tits didn't sag so much, I could get it in further". Then we'd both have a laugh. 

Not emotionally invested in the relationship? My kingdom for an app that slaps the amateur psychologists across the face when they exceed their knowledge by 3 orders of magnitude.


----------



## Blondilocks

You wouldn't consider it a put-down so hold on to your horses and piss off.


----------



## Hope1964

Now now children.


----------



## Cletus

Blondilocks said:


> You wouldn't consider it a put-down so hold on to your horses and piss off.


See? That's more like it.


----------



## wild jade

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Cletus said:


> It is very, very hard to imagine a context in which you tell your husband that his penis is not the largest you have ever had as anything but personal.
> 
> How much more personal can you get? Just about anyone not on the spectrum would take it personally. Even I, who wouldn't be offended by such a comment, would STILL consider it highly personal.


It could just be an observation, not necessarily an insult.

My hubby once told me that I'm not a perfect 10. Which, of course, I found to be unnecessary and a put-down.

But to him it was just an observation. Obviously I'm not a perfect 10, so why should I be upset about him finding other women way prettier and more desirable than me?


----------



## EllisRedding

Well, I just sent my W a text to let her know I am leaving work now and bringing my huge penis home with me. Let's see where this leads ....


----------



## Ikaika

EllisRedding said:


> Well, I just sent my W a text to let her know I am leaving work now and bringing my huge penis home with me. Let's see where this leads ....




Movies and pics of it did not happen. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## NobodySpecial

I guess put me in the camp of if my husband got butt sore about a comment like this I would think he was

1. a weenie
2. not very funny


----------



## Cletus

EllisRedding said:


> Well, I just sent my W a text to let her know I am leaving work now and bringing my huge penis home with me. Let's see where this leads ....


Still a lil' butt sore from that stick surgery?


----------



## Middle of Everything

Hmmm I guess you can at least make pen!s THREADS bigger. Just add JLD.

To say what I think of someone who CLAIMS to not understand the no no level of saying this would get me banned so......


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



wild jade said:


> It could just be an observation, not necessarily an insult.
> 
> My hubby once told me that I'm not a perfect 10. Which, of course, I found to be unnecessary and a put-down.
> 
> But to him it was just an observation. Obviously I'm not a perfect 10, so why should I be upset about him finding other women way prettier and more desirable than me?


I think it was just an observation. Or maybe, like Nora said, a reality check.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I think it was just an observation. Or maybe, like Nora said, a reality check.




I don't know, I would never tell my wife such a thing, but then again she is a perfect 10 to me. I don't have to tell her she just knows I still find her desirable. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> I don't know, I would never tell my wife such a thing, but then again she is a perfect 10 to me. I don't have to tell her she just knows I still find her desirable.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I hear you. "Perfect 10" is in the eye of the beholder.


----------



## Hope1964

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



wild jade said:


> why should I be upset about him finding other women way prettier and more desirable than me?


Indeed.

Telling your wife she's a perfect 10 is going to do a LOT more for the relationship than telling her she's not. Just like telling your husband that he has nothing to worry about if he asks you whether your first husbands penis was bigger than his. It may be subjective whether she is or isn't, and it may not be subjective whether the penis is bigger, but the result's the same.

If you (the general you, not any specific you) want to come up with some kind of convoluted reasoning why this isn't true, then by all means. Us normal folk will just continue to compliment each other with compliments that are perhaps untrue but are sincere nonetheless, and meant for no reason other than to bolster our spouses.


----------



## bandit.45

alexm said:


> Big time. I learned this in high school, of all places, when the dude all the chicks wanted happened to have a short, but apparently very very thick willy. Word got around quickly about him, and it didn't take long for girls to start lining up. Ah, high school!
> 
> Funny thing was, he was a helluva nice guy and not a jackwad d-bag.


They called him TUNA CAN....


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Indeed.
> 
> Telling your wife she's a perfect 10 is going to do a LOT more for the relationship than telling her she's not. Just like telling your husband that he has nothing to worry about if he asks you whether your first husbands penis was bigger than his. It may be subjective whether she is or isn't, and it may not be subjective whether the penis is bigger, but the result's the same.
> 
> If you (the general you, not any specific you) want to come up with some kind of convoluted reasoning why this isn't true, then by all means. Us normal folk will just continue to compliment each other with compliments that are perhaps untrue but are sincere nonetheless, and meant for no reason other than to bolster our spouses.


And then what do they learn from that? Emotional dependence on you?


----------



## uhtred

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*

My suggested response:
Her: "do I look fat"
Me: "you look fantastic", start kissing until she forgets the original question. 



Ikaika said:


> A smart man will pivot on the question, act dumb as if he did not hear it. Answer at your peril.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ikaika

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> And then what do they learn from that? Emotional dependence on you?




I think if you ask most people, they know their own flaws. Those that do not and assume they are gods gift to the world will not be emotionally dependent. I'm no psychologist, but I think emotional dependence may have little to do with these sorts of comments, they are far more deep seeded personal issues. 

I have had very short term relationships with women you might call emotionally dependent. I ran quickly in the other direction. Needless to say, compliments to my wife have not resulted in this same behavior, emotional dependence. She is a confident and beautiful woman, I would have it no other way. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> I think if you ask most people, they know their own flaws. Those that do not and assume they are gods gift to the world will not be emotionally dependent. I'm no psychologist, but I think emotional dependence may have little to do with these sorts of comments, they are far more deep seeded personal issues.
> 
> I have had very short term relationships with women you might call emotionally dependent. I ran quickly in the other direction. Needless to say, compliments to my wife have not resulted in this same behavior, emotional dependence. She is a confident and beautiful woman, I would have it no other way.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I just do not see the risk of honesty in marriage. 

We may have to agree to disagree on this.


----------



## Blondilocks

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Indeed.
> 
> Telling your wife she's a perfect 10 is going to do a LOT more for the relationship than telling her she's not. Just like telling your husband that he has nothing to worry about if he asks you whether your first husbands penis was bigger than his. It may be subjective whether she is or isn't, and it may not be subjective whether the penis is bigger, but the result's the same.
> 
> If you (the general you, not any specific you) want to come up with some kind of convoluted reasoning why this isn't true, then by all means. Us normal folk will just continue to compliment each other with compliments that are perhaps untrue but are sincere nonetheless, and meant for no reason other than to bolster our spouses.


I think most spouses know when our SO is blowing hot air up our skirt. But, it sure feels good! Compliments beat put-downs for connecting and creating those loving feelings. Even observations which may be true but totally unnecessary (Captain Obvious?) can be detrimental. We all have mirrors and we all have a pretty good idea of where we rank on the physical attraction scale.


----------



## Hope1964

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> And then what do they learn from that? Emotional dependence on you?


The only thing I learn from it is that my spouse loves and cherishes me. I am fine with having some emotional dependence on my husband. Is there something wrong with that? Does that mean I am 'emotionally immature' or something then?

You seem to think that spouses have to be brutal to each other in order to 'grow'. You have very different ideas about what constitutes a loving relationship than most other people. You constantly post thinly veiled criticisms of people on here who dare to differ with you. You don't answer people who ask you questions you don't want to answer. You have an agenda to *gently* bully everyone else into your way of thinking because you fail to admit that your way is not the only right way.

If you want Dug to tell you that you're old and ugly when you get there, be my guest. I'd rather my husband uses the 'little white lie' or a skillful return than be that 'honest' with me. It may not be true in the strictest sense, but it tells me that HE still thinks it's true, which is really the only thing that counts. That's what loving spouses do for each other. In my world anyway. I suppose that would be emotional dependence to you. I'll keep it my way, thanks.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Blondilocks said:


> I think most spouses know when our SO is blowing hot air up our skirt. But, it sure feels good! Compliments beat put-downs for connecting and creating those loving feelings. Even observations which may be true but totally unnecessary (Captain Obvious?) can be detrimental. We all have mirrors and we all have a pretty good idea of where we rank on the physical attraction scale.


I think if you are secure in yourself, you can hear the truth from your spouse. Honestly, if you are secure in yourself, you can hear it from anyone.


----------



## Ikaika

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I just do not see the risk of honesty in marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> We may have to agree to disagree on this.




Honesty is one thing, trying score points at the expense of my wife's self worth is something altogether different. I just don't see the value in telling her she is fat (which she is not) or less than a 10 (and again to me she is a 10). On important issues, our finances, how we raise our children, my friends, etc, total and complete honesty is imperative. 

So, sure, we can disagree. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ikaika

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> The only thing I learn from it is that my spouse loves and cherishes me. I am fine with having some emotional dependence on my husband. Is there something wrong with that? Does that mean I am 'emotionally immature' or something then?
> 
> 
> 
> You seem to think that spouses have to be brutal to each other in order to 'grow'. You have very different ideas about what constitutes a loving relationship than most other people. You constantly post thinly veiled criticisms of people on here who dare to differ with you. You don't answer people who ask you questions you don't want to answer. You have an agenda to *gently* bully everyone else into your way of thinking because you fail to admit that your way is not the only right way.
> 
> 
> 
> If you want Dug to tell you that you're old and ugly when you get there, be my guest. I'd rather my husband uses the 'little white lie' or a skillful return than be that 'honest' with me. It may not be true in the strictest sense, but it tells me that HE still thinks it's true, which is really the only thing that counts. That's what loving spouses do for each other. In my world anyway. I suppose that would be emotional dependence to you. I'll keep it my way, thanks.




This is what I meant. Very well said. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> Honesty is one thing, trying score points at the expense of my wife's self worth is something altogether different. I just don't see the value in telling her she is fat (which she is not) or less than a 10 (and again to me she is a 10). On important issues, our finances, how we raise our children, my friends, etc, total and complete honesty is imperative.
> 
> So, sure, we can disagree.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I don't think OP's wife was "trying to score points." 

Yes, agree to disagree.


----------



## sapientia

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> Honesty is one thing, trying score points at the expense of my wife's self worth is something altogether different. I just don't see the value in telling her she is fat (which she is not) or less than a 10 (and again to me she is a 10). On important issues, our finances, how we raise our children, my friends, etc, total and complete honesty is imperative.
> 
> So, sure, we can disagree.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I completely agree with this^. If my H told me how awesome he was during sex, I would agree with him! He's pretty modest, and likes to compliment me, so I tell him instead. 

Maybe you should compliment your wife instead of flattering yourself next time?


----------



## uhtred

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*

There are some "truths" that it does no good to hear.

I am old enough that on average my physical condition is declining. Its slow, but I will never be as physically fit, or as physically attractive as I was 10 years ago. I know it, but it would do me no good for my wife to say "you are getting old". 

Similarly, why would I tell my wife that she has grey in her hair, or wrinkles. She knows that. Instead I can tell her that truthfully that I think she is beautiful. 





jld said:


> I think if you are secure in yourself, you can hear the truth from your spouse. Honestly, if you are secure in yourself, you can hear it from anyone.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Hope1964 said:


> Indeed.
> 
> Telling your wife she's a perfect 10 is going to do a LOT more for the relationship than telling her she's not. Just like telling your husband that he has nothing to worry about if he asks you whether your first husbands penis was bigger than his. It may be subjective whether she is or isn't, and it may not be subjective whether the penis is bigger, but the result's the same.
> 
> If you (the general you, not any specific you) want to come up with some kind of convoluted reasoning why this isn't true, then by all means. Us normal folk will just continue to compliment each other with *compliments that are perhaps untrue but are sincere nonetheless, and meant for no reason other than to bolster our spouses.*


This, to me, looks like it could lead to emotional dependence. Why not just make sincere compliments? Wouldn't those bolster spouses better than anything untrue?

But certainly, to each their own.



Hope1964 said:


> The only thing I learn from it is that my spouse loves and cherishes me. I am fine with having some emotional dependence on my husband. Is there something wrong with that? Does that mean I am 'emotionally immature' or something then?


Again, I think true compliments are worth more than untrue ones. I honestly do not understand why anyone would want an untrue one. 

But that is just my opinion. Obviously, everyone is welcome to do what works for them.



> You seem to think that spouses have to be brutal to each other in order to 'grow'. You have very different ideas about what constitutes a loving relationship than most other people. You constantly post thinly veiled criticisms of people on here who dare to differ with you. You don't answer people who ask you questions you don't want to answer. You have an agenda to *gently* bully everyone else into your way of thinking because you fail to admit that your way is not the only right way.


Lots of accusations here! 

People "dare" to differ with me? Usually they attack me in gangs!

I don't usually answer questions that I do not think are sincere or relevant. And remember, this is a free will participation forum. No one is required to read a post or write a post. Otherwise we would not have the Ignore feature.

No one needs to share my way of thinking. I do not need to share anyone else's. We are all just sharing our opinions here. And vigorous debate can spur stimulating thought. That is another feature of forums.



> If you want Dug to tell you that you're old and ugly when you get there, be my guest. I'd rather my husband uses the 'little white lie' or a skillful return than be that 'honest' with me. It may not be true in the strictest sense, but it tells me that HE still thinks it's true, which is really the only thing that counts. That's what loving spouses do for each other. In my world anyway. I suppose that would be emotional dependence to you. I'll keep it my way, thanks.


Sounds like you have found something that works for you, Hope. _Bonne continuation!_


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



uhtred said:


> There are some "truths" that it does no good to hear.
> 
> I am old enough that on average my physical condition is declining. Its slow, but I will never be as physically fit, or as physically attractive as I was 10 years ago. I know it, but it would do me no good for my wife to say "you are getting old".
> 
> Similarly, why would I tell my wife that she has grey in her hair, or wrinkles. She knows that. Instead I can tell her that truthfully that I think she is beautiful.


Here's my question: Why is it assumed that grey hair or wrinkles do not mean beauty? Is beauty found only in the young?


----------



## NobodySpecial

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I don't think OP's wife was "trying to score points."


One what do you base this? Your persistent insistence that women can do no wrong?


----------



## notmyrealname4

@jld

Don't ever tell Dug that his penis isn't big enough, or you've had bigger, or anything like that. I say that as someone who wishes you well, and to spare you the fallout from that type of remark.


Why can't you tell a man that his penis isn't as big as your last boyfriend? I don't know---why does the sun rise in the east? You don't question it, it's just a fact of life on earth.

Could telling him he's smaller create a "growth experience"? I suppose, but in the way that lighting matches while pumping gas is a growth experience. It's edgy, fraught with danger, and any emotional growth is not worth the risk and possible damage.


----------



## Blondilocks

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I think if you are secure in yourself, you can hear the truth from your spouse. Honestly, if you are secure in yourself, you can hear it from anyone.


So true. But why do you think it is a good idea to beat someone over the head with 'your' truth? 

For instance, a man thinks his wife is a 7 on the attraction scale. Ten of his friends think she's a 9. Her friends think she is a 9 and she thinks she is a 9. So, this woman is most likely a 9. What good does it do for him to be brutally honest and inform her that he thinks she is only a 7? For him she may be a 7, but he married her and now has to remind her that she isn't all that? What is she supposed to do with that?


----------



## jld

notmyrealname4 said:


> @jld
> 
> Don't ever tell Dug that his penis isn't big enough, or you've had bigger, or anything like that. I say that as someone who wishes you well, and to spare you the fallout from that type of remark.
> 
> 
> Why can't you tell a man that his penis isn't as big as your last boyfriend? I don't know---why does the sun rise in the east? You don't question it, it's just a fact of life on earth.
> 
> Could telling him he's smaller create a "growth experience"? I suppose, but in the way that lighting matches while pumping gas is a growth experience. It's edgy, fraught with danger, and any emotional growth is not worth the risk and possible damage.


He's secure in himself. He can handle it.

But I do appreciate your sincerity.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



NobodySpecial said:


> One what do you base this? Your persistent insistence that women can do no wrong?


I think it was just an observation, or perhaps a reality check for him, as I said earlier.

Why do you think it would be a method of "scoring points"?


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Blondilocks said:


> So true. But why do you think it is a good idea to beat someone over the head with 'your' truth?
> 
> For instance, a man thinks his wife is a 7 on the attraction scale. Ten of his friends think she's a 9. Her friends think she is a 9 and she thinks she is a 9. So, this woman is most likely a 9. What good does it do for him to be brutally honest and inform her that he thinks she is only a 7? For him she may be a 7, but he married her and now has to remind her that she isn't all that? What is she supposed to do with that?


Ask herself if it matters?

Blondi, all these numbers are so subjective. Do they really matter anyway?

Or are they basically all . . . _vanity?_


----------



## NobodySpecial

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I think it was just an observation, or perhaps a reality check for him, as I said earlier.
> 
> Why do you think it would be a method of "scoring points"?


Evidence for. Lack of evidence against.


----------



## EllisRedding

Cletus said:


> Still a lil' butt sore from that stick surgery?


Sounds like someone wants a piece of this here trouser monster :x


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



NobodySpecial said:


> Evidence for. Lack of evidence against.


Evidence for?


----------



## EllisRedding

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Blondilocks said:


> So true. But why do you think it is a good idea to beat someone over the head with 'your' truth?
> 
> For instance, a man thinks his wife is a 7 on the attraction scale. Ten of his friends think she's a 9. Her friends think she is a 9 and she thinks she is a 9. So, this woman is most likely a 9. What good does it do for him to be brutally honest and inform her that he thinks she is only a 7? For him she may be a 7, but he married her and now has to remind her that she isn't all that? What is she supposed to do with that?


I think it goes back to accountability, or lack thereof. Very simple, push you "truth" on your SO, if they can't accept it for "growth" purposes, well, it just means they are emotionally insecure. The lack of accountability comes from that fact that under this, the person can say whatever comes to mind without having to worry about the consequences, it is the other person's problem if they cant deal ...


----------



## Ikaika

When I do tell my wife she is beautiful, I am being sincere. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Cletus

Ikaika said:


> When I do tell my wife she is beautiful, I am being sincere.


When I tell your wife she's beautiful, I'm being sincere too.


----------



## Cletus

EllisRedding said:


> Sounds like someone wants a piece of this here trouser monster :x


To paraphrase Robin Williams - is it a snake with a sweater or a snail with a helmet?


----------



## 225985

Is OP still here? 

Even without him this is turning into a long thread. Or maybe a wide thread.


----------



## musicftw07

Not bragging at all.

1) I literally cause women pain during sex sometimes. A LOT of pain. That is NOT conducive to a good time, for either me or her.

2) I was still cheated on by my ex wife. If penis size was the be-all end-all, then she wouldn't have done that. But she did. She wanted someone else's d!ck, not mine, regardless of its size.

3) Ever made a woman cry during sex before? I have. It's a horrible, HORRIBLE experience... one that I hope to never experience again. And it was because my penis was too large for her.

The idea that "I'll be a better lover if I have a larger penis" is undeniably false. And having a large penis is NOT as wonderful as everyone makes it out to be.

How you got me bragging out of that is beyond me.


----------



## larry.gray

blueinbr said:


> Is OP still here?
> 
> Even without him this is turning into a long thread. Or maybe a wide thread.


TAM hasn't kept up the normal penis thread quota. This is makeup thread time.


----------



## Ikaika

"A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is a good find". 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## larry.gray

musicftw07 said:


> Not bragging at all.
> 
> 1) I litera-- trimmed. --
> 
> The idea that "I'll be a better lover if I have a larger penis" is undeniably false. And having a large penis is NOT as wonderful as everyone makes it out to be.
> 
> How you got me bragging out of that is beyond me.


You left out:
You only get tip / lick jobs.
No "all in"
Forget anal.


----------



## musicftw07

larry.gray said:


> musicftw07 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Not bragging at all.
> 
> 1) I litera-- trimmed. --
> 
> The idea that "I'll be a better lover if I have a larger penis" is undeniably false. And having a large penis is NOT as wonderful as everyone makes it out to be.
> 
> How you got me bragging out of that is beyond me.
> 
> 
> 
> You left out:
> You only get tip / lick jobs.
> No "all in"
> Forget anal.
Click to expand...

Bingo.

In college I hooked up with a girl who got 1/3rd in her mouth and called it "deep throating".

It wasn't.

I've never known what it's like to have my entire penis inside a woman's mouth. And I probably never will.

As to my gf saying I'm the best she's had, people are glossing over the fact that I said we have a strong emotional connection. She told me she was madly in love with me before we ever had sex. And I GUARANTEE my XWW had a stronger emotional connection with her AP than she did with me. Thus, she cheated.

IME, women respond to emotional connection far more than penis size. I can't just show up with a hard on and expect a great relationship. I have to put in as much effort as anyone else. 

But yeah. I'm "bragging".


----------



## jld

musicftw07 said:


> Bingo.
> 
> In college I hooked up with a girl who got 1/3rd in her mouth and called it "deep throating".
> 
> It wasn't.
> 
> I've never known what it's like to have my entire penis inside a woman's mouth. And I probably never will.
> 
> *As to my gf saying I'm the best she's had, people are glossing over the fact that I said we have a strong emotional connection. She told me she was madly in love with me before we ever had sex. And I GUARANTEE my XWW had a stronger emotional connection with her AP than she did with me. Thus, she cheated.
> 
> IME, women respond to emotional connection far more than penis size. I can't just show up with a hard on and expect a great relationship. I have to put in as much effort as anyone else.*
> 
> But yeah. I'm "bragging".


Totally agree with the bolded.

Have you had relationships, though, where you two had to break it off because your size was simply untenable?


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*

*


NobodySpecial said:



One what do you base this? Your persistent insistence that women can do no wrong?

Click to expand...

*We have a winner!!!>


----------



## musicftw07

jld said:


> Totally agree with the bolded.
> 
> Have you had relationships, though, where you two had to break it off because your size was simply untenable?


Thank you.

No, I don't believe I've ever had a relationship end purely as a result of my penis size. They've all ended for various other reasons. But I will say that multiple women have told me I'm the biggest they've ever had, and in some of those cases I was the one who was dumped.

The impression I get from some men is that they believe having a bigger penis will solve all their problems: women will automatically love sex with them more; their insecurities will magically go away; and they will have more control over the relationship.

Those assertions are patently false. I've had women really like sex with me, and others find it "meh" (or in the case of my xWW, downright disgusting to her); I've had my share of body image issues; and I've still been emotionally used and manipulated like many other people.

It's not a magic bullet to happiness or sexual fulfillment.


----------



## notmyrealname4

musicftw07 said:


> The impression I get from some men is that they believe* having a bigger penis *will solve all their problems: women will automatically love sex with them more; their insecurities will magically go away; and* they will have more control over the relationship.*


RE: the bolded. You have definitely got something there. A nasty truth.


----------



## musicftw07

notmyrealname4 said:


> RE: the bolded. You have definitely got something there. A nasty truth.


I think so too.

A big d!ck doesn't cure infidelity, breakups, GIGS, laziness, emotional abuse, manipulation, etc. Nor does it automatically make every woman love sex. In short, I have to contend with the same relationship issues that everyone else deals with. I can't just say, "I have a big d!ck, so your argument is invalid."

And I still have to put in effort to sexually satisfy my partners. It's not like I just stick it in and they automatically orgasm. THAT is a major misconception that I think many men have, too. I've worked to perfect my oral game. I've learned how to provide other kinds of touching and stroking during sex. I _sexually engage_ with my GF on just about every level I can possibly conceive of. I do everything I would do if my penis were 5 or 6. In fact, I typically have to do _more_ in order to get my partners (past and present) good and ready.

Sure, 20 minutes of giving oral is quite fun, but damn my tongue and throat hurt afterwards.

It's like trying to put a cork back into a wine bottle after you've opened it. It's not always an easy fit, and sometimes it takes *work*. (I'll leave you with that mental image right at dinner time!)


----------



## samyeagar

musicftw07 said:


> Thank you.
> 
> No, I don't believe I've ever had a relationship end purely as a result of my penis size. They've all ended for various other reasons. But I will say that multiple women have told me I'm the biggest they've ever had, and in some of those cases I was the one who was dumped.
> 
> *The impression I get from some men is that they believe having a bigger penis will solve all their problems: women will automatically love sex with them more; their insecurities will magically go away; and they will have more control over the relationship.
> *
> Those assertions are patently false. I've had women really like sex with me, and others find it "meh" (or in the case of my xWW, downright disgusting to her); I've had my share of body image issues; and I've still been emotionally used and manipulated like many other people.
> 
> It's not a magic bullet to happiness or sexual fulfillment.


I suppose some might take some solace in knowing that some of those women will still be talking about that penis with their friends for years to come, long after they are married to the loves of their life...or using that penis as a weapon against said husband.


----------



## wild jade

notmyrealname4 said:


> @jld
> 
> Don't ever tell Dug that his penis isn't big enough, or you've had bigger, or anything like that. I say that as someone who wishes you well, and to spare you the fallout from that type of remark.
> 
> 
> Why can't you tell a man that his penis isn't as big as your last boyfriend? I don't know---why does the sun rise in the east? You don't question it, it's just a fact of life on earth.
> 
> Could telling him he's smaller create a "growth experience"? I suppose, but in the way that lighting matches while pumping gas is a growth experience. It's edgy, fraught with danger, and any emotional growth is not worth the risk and possible damage.



I've made quite a number of small willy cracks to my hubby over the years, and it doesn't bother him at all. He's even made his own small willy cracks about himself. He's not at all insecure about his size.

Which is probably why he didn't think I'd much care about the "not all that" cracks he's made to me. He's assuming I'm secure enough ito not be upset by something so stupid. And usually he'd be right, as I've put myself down looks-wise many many times over the years. 

But sometimes these comments find their way under your skin and sting.


----------



## samyeagar

wild jade said:


> I've made quite a number of small willy cracks to my hubby over the years, and it doesn't bother him at all. He's even made his own small willy cracks about himself. He's not at all insecure about his size.
> 
> Which is probably why he didn't think I'd much care about the "not all that" cracks he's made to me. He's assuming I'm secure enough ito not be upset by something so stupid. And usually he'd be right, as I've put myself down looks-wise many many times over the years.
> 
> But sometimes these comments find their way under your skin and sting.


Often times however, self deprecating remarks are a sign of insecurity, and as off as it sounds, people voice those kinds of statements, not just to hear something counter to it...the old fishing for compliments, but people often take comfort in their statement actually being validated, even when it is a negative.


----------



## wild jade

musicftw07 said:


> Not bragging at all.
> 
> 1) I literally cause women pain during sex sometimes. A LOT of pain. That is NOT conducive to a good time, for either me or her.
> 
> 2) I was still cheated on by my ex wife. If penis size was the be-all end-all, then she wouldn't have done that. But she did. She wanted someone else's d!ck, not mine, regardless of its size.
> 
> 3) Ever made a woman cry during sex before? I have. It's a horrible, HORRIBLE experience... one that I hope to never experience again. And it was because my penis was too large for her.
> 
> The idea that "I'll be a better lover if I have a larger penis" is undeniably false. And having a large penis is NOT as wonderful as everyone makes it out to be.
> 
> How you got me bragging out of that is beyond me.


Yes, tbh, I never got why so many guys were caught up with the big d1ck thing. Once you get to a certain size, it's like, well, oh my, what am I going to do with THAT. 

A part of me thinks the big d1ck fixation has nothing to do with women at all, but is all about impressing other dudes. Part of that muscle-flexing, chest thumping, locker room bs with guys competing for their manliness prize by showing how pumped up and foolish they are. I always found such men to be ludicrous and a total turn off, personally.

As a woman, I would say that size does matter. It's like Goldilocks. Some are too small. Some are too big. You look for the one that is just right.


----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> I think if you ask most people, they know their own flaws. Those that do not and assume they are gods gift to the world will not be emotionally dependent. I'm no psychologist, but I think emotional dependence may have little to do with these sorts of comments, they are far more deep seeded personal issues.
> 
> I have had very short term relationships with women you might call emotionally dependent. I ran quickly in the other direction. Needless to say, compliments to my wife have not resulted in this same behavior, emotional dependence. She is a confident and beautiful woman, I would have it no other way.


I agree with this fully.

I know what I am physically, and it's nothing extraordinary, truly. I'm not tall, but I still fit within the paramaters of "average height" (the low end...). I'm neither fit nor fat. My junk is at the higher end of average, but it still falls within the average range. I'm not great looking, but I'm not ugly.

My wife doesn't compliment me physically. It bothered me once in a while, but when I sit back and think of it, there's nothing to really compliment, truth be told. Doesn't mean I think badly of myself, or her of me. It just means that if she were to tell me I have the sexiest body she's ever seen, or the biggest penis she's ever had, or I'm the tallest, it wouldn't be believable. Instead, she's let it be known that she's dated shorter men, fatter men, and men with smaller penises. (maybe it was all the same person. Poor guy!)


----------



## jld

wild jade said:


> I've made quite a number of small willy cracks to my hubby over the years, and it doesn't bother him at all. He's even made his own small willy cracks about himself. He's not at all insecure about his size.


Dug, either. Not that I have ever made comments about his or any other man's penis size. Honestly, I have not had enough other penises inside me to make any kind of valid comparison between them, or to know what is "big" or what is "small." I just know his feels good to me.



> Which is probably why he didn't think I'd much care about the "not all that" cracks he's made to me. He's assuming I'm secure enough ito not be upset by something so stupid. And usually he'd be right, as I've put myself down looks-wise many many times over the years.
> 
> But sometimes these comments find their way under your skin and sting.


When that happens to me, I know I have some work to do. It is an opportunity to come to peace with whatever is bothering me.

Sure can take time to get there, though.


----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Blondilocks said:


> I think most spouses know when our SO is blowing hot air up our skirt. But, it sure feels good! Compliments beat put-downs for connecting and creating those loving feelings. Even observations which may be true but totally unnecessary (Captain Obvious?) can be detrimental. We all have mirrors and we all have a pretty good idea of where we rank on the physical attraction scale.


Actually, I don't think people do. The human brain is a weird and interesting thing, and we often don't see what others do, mainly because we're overly critical of ourselves.

Most people, when they hear a recording of their voice, have a hard time believing that's what they sound like. There's a scientific explanation for that, something to do with how sound travels and it hits our own ears in a different way than it does those around us.

I believe there's a similar phenomena when it comes to sight, as well. We often see pictures of ourselves and don't like them, and it's usually worse when we look in the mirror. Basically, we're over-critical of our own perceived flaws, and that tends to become all we focus on when viewing ourselves. There are things that we don't like about our physical selves, and sometimes that's all we see.

And mirrors are backwards. Believe it or not, people actually DO look different when the image is reversed, often imperceptibly so, but enough that the brain sees something different than what's actually there.

In short, we don't actually ever see what other people see for a variety of reasons, all related to the brain and it's perception.


----------



## wild jade

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



alexm said:


> I agree with this fully.
> 
> I know what I am physically, and it's nothing extraordinary, truly. I'm not tall, but I still fit within the paramaters of "average height" (the low end...). I'm neither fit nor fat. My junk is at the higher end of average, but it still falls within the average range. I'm not great looking, but I'm not ugly.
> 
> My wife doesn't compliment me physically. It bothered me once in a while, but when I sit back and think of it, there's nothing to really compliment, truth be told. Doesn't mean I think badly of myself, or her of me. It just means that if she were to tell me I have the sexiest body she's ever seen, or the biggest penis she's ever had, or I'm the tallest, it wouldn't be believable. Instead, she's let it be known that she's dated shorter men, fatter men, and men with smaller penises. (maybe it was all the same person. Poor guy!)


Ya, for sure, compliments have to be believable, and for that they have to be sincere. If hubby was to start giving me the perfect 10 gush, I'd know he was lying his ass off and would more likely feel patronized instead of complimented. Instead, I know what he values about me, and since I'm about to become totally old and wrinkly, I'm super glad it's not all based on looks.

That's where I think @jld has nailed it. Lying to someone to make them feel good is actually a recipe for failure. May seem okay in the moment, but if you take a longer view, you run into all kinds of problems.


----------



## EllisRedding

Here is a question for the ladies here (and @Cletus :grin2, do you all gossip about a guy's love muscle size? The impression I have gotten about guys who care about their size (i.e Lockness Monster or Pig in a blanket) is that in their mind other women will find out about their size via gossiping (so being a positive or negative depending on what they are rockin). So for the guy rocking the 30ft garden hose he probably takes extra pride in this b/c he assumes that women are just gushing over how big he is. On the other side, the guy with a Cheetos size penor is probably paranoid that women are laughing at his expense. The funny thing is, these guys are probably more interested/concerned about what is said about their baloney pony size then whether or not females are commenting about how good (or bad) they are in bed.

One follow up question for the ladies and @Cletus , have you ever pursued a guy b/c you heard he had large 100% all-beef thermometer?

Also, tbh, part of my reasoning for this post was to see how many different ways I could say penis


----------



## jld

What I don't understand, Ellis, is why you want the wife to protect the husband's feelings instead of being honest with him. And how you get "accountability" in there.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> What I don't understand, Ellis, is why you want the wife to protect the husband's feelings instead of being honest with him. And how you get "accountability" in there.


Well, just look at what you have said. You basically have said that you have free range to say whatever you perceive as the "truth" to your H. If he can't listen to it he is emotionally immature and the relationship cannot grow. So, you go ahead, say whatever you want without taking into account your SOs feelings, and if they react negatively it is now their problem, their immaturity, their lack of growth. So yeah, there is clearly lack of accountability on the part of the person saying it b/c it allows them to deflect whatever they say back to the other person. 

Now, I am not saying that we should be dishonest to our SOs, I don't believe anyone here has even hinted at that. The point is that there are some "truths" or observations where they is absolutely no reason to bring up, there is nothing to gain from it, and it purely comes across as selfish/egotistical on the part of the person saying it.


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> Well, just look at what you have said. You basically have said that you have free range to say whatever you perceive as the "truth" to your H. If he can't listen to it he is emotionally immature and the relationship cannot grow. So, you go ahead, say whatever you want without taking into account your SOs feelings, and if they react negatively it is now their problem, their immaturity, their lack of growth. So yeah, there is clearly lack of accountability on the part of the person saying it b/c it allows them to deflect whatever they say back to the other person.
> 
> Now, I am not saying that we should be dishonest to our SOs, I don't believe anyone here has even hinted at that. The point is that there are some "truths" or observations where they is absolutely no reason to bring up, there is nothing to gain from it, and it purely comes across as selfish/egotistical on the part of the person saying it.


How does accountability supposedly scare me? Examples?

And how do you know Dug is not just as honest and direct with me as I am with him? And that I do not find digesting his honest thoughts an opportunity for growth, too?

Ellis, I think you confuse accountability with taking responsibility for other people's feelings, which can prevent their growth. I think it is also called "white knighting" or "shielding" or perhaps even "enabling." And it is unfortunately common on TAM.


----------



## Livvie

The thing is, the OP didn't ASK his wife about his penis size. They weren't having a discussion about size or even past experiences with others!! He was joking, having fun making a comment about his prowess as a lover. Her comment was mean.


----------



## jld

Ellis, I have posted this piece in the past. I think it better explains what I was saying before.

OP, think about this in relation to what your wife told you. Are you expecting her to take responsibility for your feelings? Is that really helpful to you?


_It's crucial for you to understand that your feelings are YOUR feelings. They belong to you. So they're yours to work through. Lots of us didn't get that memo. 

Here's the thing: we all have very unique personalities and triggers. What makes me feel bad is very different from what makes someone else feel bad. That's because my wounds greatly influence my uncomfortable emotions. 

My wounds (and subsequent feelings) are not caused by someone else (in the present moment). I know it feels like they are, but they aren't. 

Are my feelings provoked by someone else? Yes! All the time! But this doesn't make it their fault or their responsibility to fix. The sooner we recognize this, the happier we'll be in relationships. 

When you take responsibility for your feelings, you don't have to deal with the madness of trying to get someone to make it better (which never works anyway). _


----------



## jld

Livvie said:


> The thing is, the OP didn't ASK his wife about his penis size. They weren't having a discussion about size or even past experiences with others!! He was joking, having fun making a comment about his prowess as a lover. Her comment was mean.


Things come up in marriage, asked or not, right? 

Wouldn't it be better to have a way of dealing with what comes up constructively, than getting, and much worse, staying, bent out of shape about it?


----------



## Lila

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



EllisRedding said:


> Here is a question for the ladies here (and @Cletus :grin2, do you all gossip about a guy's love muscle size? The impression I have gotten about guys who care about their size (i.e Lockness Monster or Pig in a blanket) is that in their mind other women will find out about their size via gossiping (so being a positive or negative depending on what they are rockin). So for the guy rocking the 30ft garden hose he probably takes extra pride in this b/c he assumes that women are just gushing over how big he is. On the other side, the guy with a Cheetos size penor is probably paranoid that women are laughing at his expense. The funny thing is, these guys are probably more interested/concerned about what is said about their baloney pony size then whether or not females are commenting about how god (or bad) they are in bed.
> 
> One follow up question for the ladies and @Cletus , have you ever pursued a guy b/c you heard he had large 100% all-beef thermometer?
> 
> Also, tbh, part of my reasoning for this post was to see how many different ways I could say penis


One of the many valuable lessons my mother taught us girls was to never date a man known to 'kiss and tell' and never, under any circumstance, 'kiss and tell'. So in response to your question, I've never discussed the shape, size, color, bend, etc of any penis I've experienced with anyone else. My sexual history will be buried with me on the day I die.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> How does accountability supposedly scare me? Examples?
> 
> And how do you know Dug is not just as honest and direct with me as I am with him? And that I do not find digesting his honest thoughts an opportunity for growth, too?
> 
> *Ellis, I think you confuse accountability with taking responsibility for other people's feelings, which can prevent their growth. I think it is also called "white knighting" or "shielding" or perhaps even "enabling." And it is unfortunately common on TAM*.


Honestly, I am not sure you even understand what accountability is. Why do I think it scares you, b/c you have made it clear in many other discussions that you have a double standard on accountability based on gender.

As far as your H, whatever works best for you two crazy kids is fine with me. It is the fact that you take your relationship as a way to put down (at least that is how it comes across) others here b/c they handle their relationship differently. I believe this is why some take exception to your posts. I am not saying you shouldn't share your opinion (a part of me enjoys these back and forth discussions lol), this is purely on observation on my part.

The bolded is a load of poop b/c you are trying to take the most extreme examples to support your position. Does shielding or enabling occur, yes. However, just b/c every single truth in not shared with your SO, that does not mean you are shielding. The OPs W knocking his penis size (once again, based solely on what we know from what the OP said), that is not shielding or enabling. Me going up to my W and telling her that she needs to drop 10lbs or telling her that the lady we just walked by is hotter than her, that is not shielding/enabling. These "truths" don't accomplish anything, they serve no purpose then to put the person down to satisfy to other's own selfish reasons.


----------



## Wolf1974

jld said:


> What I don't understand, Ellis, is why you want the wife to protect the husband's feelings instead of being honest with him. And how you get "accountability" in there.


You speak of one sided accountability. Two people in a marriage. Masking an insult as "hey just being honest" is about as disingenuousness as it gets. 

This statement had nothing to do with being truthful to grow a marriage and intimacy and you know it. I am all for honest communication including talking about sexual pasts. That's not what this was and if the reverse was a woman here saying that her husband told that she had an unattractive body compared to his past lovers you would be asking why she stays.

More one sided approach.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> Ellis, I have posted this piece in the past. I think it better explains what I was saying before.
> 
> OP, think about this in relation to what your wife told you. Are you expecting her to take responsibility for your feelings? Is that really helpful to you?


Translate - W said a $hitty/mean thing to you, it is your responsibility to deal with it ...


----------



## Wolf1974

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Lila said:


> One of the many valuable lessons my mother taught us girls was to never date a man known to 'kiss and tell' and never, under any circumstance, 'kiss and tell'. So in response to your question, I've never discussed the shape, size, color, bend, etc of any penis I've experienced with anyone else. My sexual history will be buried with me on the day I die.


Just curious,

Even with other female friends? Women I know talk about sex partners in thier "circle"

You never discussed with anyone?


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> Honestly, I am not sure you even understand what accountability is. Why do I think it scares you, b/c you have made it clear in many other discussions that you have a double standard on accountability based on gender.
> 
> As far as your H, whatever works best for you two crazy kids is fine with me. It is the fact that you take your relationship as a way to put down (at least that is how it comes across) others here b/c they handle their relationship differently. I believe this is why some take exception to your posts. I am not saying you shouldn't share your opinion (a part of me enjoys these back and forth discussions lol), this is purely on observation on my part.
> 
> The bolded is a load of poop b/c you are trying to take the most extreme examples to support your position. Does shielding or enabling occur, yes. However, just b/c every single truth in not shared with your SO, that does not mean you are shielding. The OPs W knocking his penis size (once again, based solely on what we know from what the OP said), that is not shielding or enabling. Me going up to my W and telling her that she needs to drop 10lbs or telling her that the lady we just walked by is hotter than her, that is not shielding/enabling. These "truths" don't accomplish anything, they serve no purpose then to put the person down to satisfy to other's own selfish reasons.


It is certainly your choice what you want to share. But OP's wife had already shared. The question now is what to do about it.

You wanted to enact "consequences." 

I want him to reflect on what he could learn from her statement, while not taking it personally.

Which do you think is going to promote emotional independence, and a stronger relationship?


----------



## Fozzy

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this?


"Gosh, is that why you seem a little....stretched out?"


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> Which do you think is going to promote emotional independence, and a stronger relationship?


The W not making a comment meant to ridicule her H :wink2:


----------



## jld

Wolf1974 said:


> You speak of one sided accountability. Two people in a marriage. Masking an insult as "hey just being honest" is about as disingenuousness as it gets.
> 
> This statement had nothing to do with being truthful to grow a marriage and intimacy and you know it. I am all for honest communication including talking about sexual pasts. That's not what this was and if the reverse was a woman here saying that her husband told that she had an unattractive body compared to his past lovers you would be asking why she stays.
> 
> More one sided approach.


You do not know that. You do not know the things my husband has said to me. 

Interpreting something as an insult just tells me you are focused on pride. But pride is a real obstacle in marriage. Humility and openness with our partners will go a lot farther in building the relationship.


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> The W not making a comment meant to ridicule her H :wink2:


Never risking hurting his feelings? Pretty fragile marriage then, if you ask me.


----------



## Lila

*Re: &amp;quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&amp;quot;*



Wolf1974 said:


> Just curious,
> 
> Even with other female friends? Women I know talk about sex partners in thier "circle"
> 
> You never discussed with anyone?


My girlfriends knew if and who I was dating (when I shared that info) but I didn't share sexual details. Never have. Sex is a private thing for me. The last thing I want is for someone to judge my sexual practices or partners. 

Sent from my mobile using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> Translate - W said a $hitty/mean thing to you, it is your responsibility to deal with it ...


How else will he become emotionally independent? Is it going to happen by his wife constantly shielding him?

Or do you not see emotional independence as a good thing?


----------



## jld

Fozzy said:


> "Gosh, is that why you seem a little....stretched out?"


You understand not every woman would be offended by that, right?

To some, it is just a fact.


----------



## Fozzy

jld said:


> You understand not every woman would be offended by that, right?
> 
> To some, it is just a fact.


Darn. I'll have to try harder.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> Never risking hurting his feelings? Pretty fragile marriage then, if you ask me.


Sigh, you really don't get it. The fact that you think making a comment about his penis is the sign of a strong or fragile marriage is mind blowing ... Once again, no one said you can't bring things up that could hurt the others feelings. There however, are things that could be said that serve no purpose whatsoever. I don't understand why you keep spinning everything around?



jld said:


> How else will he become emotionally independent? Is it going to happen by his wife constantly shielding him?
> 
> Or do you not see emotional independence as a good thing?


There you go again with shielding ... what is she shielding him from in this case  You really are stretching to draw a parallel b/w this and emotional independence.


----------



## jld

Fozzy said:


> Darn. I'll have to try harder.


Was that your motive, to insult her? How would that be helpful?

Fozzy, is that how you treat your own wife?


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> Was that your motive, to insult her? How would that be helpful?
> 
> Fozzy, is that how you treat your own wife?


----------



## Fozzy

jld said:


> Was that your motive, to insult her? How would that be helpful?
> 
> Fozzy, is that how you treat your own wife?


No, it's not, because that's not how she treats me.

I'm just getting really bad at turning the other cheek in my old age.


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> Sigh, you really don't get it. The fact that you think making a comment about his penis is the sign of a strong or fragile marriage is mind blowing ... Once again, no one said you can't bring things up that could hurt the others feelings. There however, are things that could be said that serve no purpose whatsoever. I don't understand why you keep spinning everything around?
> 
> There you go again with shielding ... what is she shielding him from in this case  You really are stretching to draw a parallel b/w this and emotional independence.


Not spinning or stretching anything here. Just sticking to what he could learn from this, and not shielding him, as some others seem wont to do.

His learning to not take things personally, while focusing on the message, could help him a lot in life. Not just in his marriage, but everywhere. 

I do think, though, to at least some of us wives, emotional independence in our husbands is very attractive.


----------



## Fozzy

You know what's attractive to a lot of us husbands? When our wife isn't a mean person.


----------



## jld

Fozzy said:


> No, it's not, because that's not how she treats me.
> 
> I'm just getting really bad at turning the other cheek in my old age.


Leadership can be inspiring, Fozzy.


----------



## jld

Fozzy said:


> You know what's attractive to a lot of us husbands? When our wife isn't a mean person.


So speaking the truth is mean?


----------



## Middle of Everything

Fozzy said:


> Darn. I'll have to try harder.


I dont believe you have the capabilities to try "hard" enough.

Well, unless you can destroy planet Vulcan thus killing her mother, then taunting her afterwards as to whether she feels anything.


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


>


You could consider what I am saying, instead of putting up your own shield, Ellis.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> Not spinning or stretching anything here. Just sticking to what he could learn from this, and not shielding him, as some others seem wont to do.
> 
> His learning to not take things personally, while focusing on the message, could help him a lot in life. Not just in his marriage, but everywhere.
> 
> I do think, though, to at least some of us wives, emotional independence in our husbands is very attractive.


I think it is pretty clear what he needs to do, get a bigger penis :wink2:

It is amazing that somehow you can draw from his W making a comment about his crotch rocket that he should use this opportunity to not only grow his marriage, but really every aspect of his life. Man, what an awesome W doing this for him lol


----------



## Fozzy

jld said:


> So speaking the truth is mean?


Needlessly saying things to purposely hurt another, as this woman did, is mean. Truthful or not, it's unnecessary.

Tactfulness and discretion are just as important as honesty.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> You could consider what I am saying, instead of putting up your own shield, Ellis.


What shield, have I not been actively engaging you in this discussion 

I have very much considered what you are saying, I think its mostly poop, but we can agree to disagree :grin2:


----------



## Fozzy

Middle of Everything said:


> I dont believe you have the capabilities to try "hard" enough.
> 
> Well, unless you can destroy planet Vulcan thus killing her mother, then taunting her afterwards as to whether she feels anything.


Oh, so you think my penis is small?

TAKE A LOOK AT MY SHIP AND SAY IT AGAIN


----------



## jld

Middle of Everything said:


> I dont believe you have the capabilities to try "hard" enough.
> 
> Well, unless you can destroy planet Vulcan thus killing her mother, then taunting her afterwards as to whether she feels anything.


That is what it would feel like to be told you have a smaller penis than others your wife had known? Like having your mother murdered, and your wife taunting you about it?


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> I think it is pretty clear what he needs to do, get a bigger penis :wink2:
> 
> It is amazing that somehow you can draw from his W making a comment about his crotch rocket that he should use this opportunity to not only grow his marriage, but really every aspect of his life. Man, what an awesome W doing this for him lol


It is a great growth opportunity--if he takes it.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> Not spinning or stretching anything here. Just sticking to what he could learn from this, and not shielding him, as some others seem wont to do.
> 
> His learning to not take things personally, while focusing on the message, could help him a lot in life. Not just in his marriage, but everywhere.
> 
> I do think, though, to at least some of us wives, emotional independence in our husbands is very attractive.


Make sure you are not confusing emotional independence with emotionally dead. I am going to remain emotionally interdependent with my wife because that is what allow me to consider her as a person, as a partner. It is why I care more about her than people I am emotionally independent from such as the cashier at the gas station.

I think the biggest learning and growth point for the OP is that his wife can purposefully say hurtful things. He now sees his wife for what she is, in a very transparant manner, so that is good.


----------



## jld

Fozzy said:


> Needlessly saying things to purposely hurt another, as this woman did, is mean. Truthful or not, it's unnecessary.
> 
> Tactfulness and discretion are just as important as honesty.


Some have said he was showing off. Her reality check could be seen as a real gift to him.


----------



## EllisRedding

samyeagar said:


> Make sure you are not confusing emotional independence with emotionally dead. .


Exactly


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> What shield, have I not been actively engaging you in this discussion
> 
> I have very much considered what you are saying, I think its mostly poop, but we can agree to disagree :grin2:


I think your approach is defensive, reactive, and a loss at a chance for OP to grow.

Yes, we will have to agree to disagree on my approach.


----------



## I Don't Know

jld said:


> That is what it would feel like to be told you have a smaller penis than others your wife had known? Like having your mother murdered, and your wife taunting you about it?


Pretty much.


----------



## lifeistooshort

I think the real issue is why she let loose with a comment like that. 

Is she simply a b!tch or is there a backstory here?

OP has done nothing to address the history between them and doesn't seem to have come back. 

Let's see if he returns.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jld

I Don't Know said:


> Pretty much.


I wonder what your mother would think of that.


----------



## jld

samyeagar said:


> Make sure you are not confusing emotional independence with emotionally dead. I am going to remain emotionally interdependent with my wife because that is what allow me to consider her as a person, as a partner. It is why I care more about her than people I am emotionally independent from such as the cashier at the gas station.
> 
> I think the biggest learning and growth point for the OP is that his wife can purposefully say hurtful things. He now sees his wife for what she is, in a very transparant manner, so that is good.


Being able to hear he is not "the best" without getting reactive or defensive is not bring "emotionally dead." It would actually show some maturity.


----------



## Wolf1974

jld said:


> You do not know that. You do not know the things my husband has said to me.
> 
> Interpreting something as an insult just tells me you are focused on pride. But pride is a real obstacle in marriage. Humility and openness with our partners will go a lot farther in building the relationship.


Has nothing to do with pride, insulting one another and masking it as truth is just what it is. And this would be much more honest approach from you , we all know you believe some wacky things, if it wasn't one sided but we know your advice here would be very different if this was a female poster being told "truth"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Duguesclin

How old is the OP again? 

It is about time he learns that he has a small d!ck. 

Good job wife.


----------



## Middle of Everything

jld said:


> That is what it would feel like to be told you have a smaller penis than others your wife had known? Like having your mother murdered, and your wife taunting you about it?


"You serious Clark"?

Uhhhh Vulcans are supposed to be smart and likely would have got that reference so maybe Im wrong.

Ill go slow.

Star Trek. A TV show. And Movie. Vulcans are completely logical beings who dont feel emotion. Spock is half human half vulcan. His mother is killed when planet Vulcan is destroyed. A fellow officer named CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK gets him to feel emotional about his mothers death to take command of their starship (its a ship that travels in space amongst the stars, thus starship)

In all seriousness you approach everything like a vulcan. No feelings, no emotions. Its why others have asked you if you are in anyway autistic. MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE THIS. Most dont feel they "grow" from EVERY comment someone directs their way.


----------



## jld

Wolf1974 said:


> Has nothing to do with pride, insulting one another and masking it as truth is just what it is. And this would be much more honest approach from you , we all know you believe some wacky things, if it wasn't one sided but we know your advice here would be very different if this was a female poster being told "truth"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope.

Again, you do not know what my husband has said to me.


----------



## I Don't Know

jld said:


> I wonder what your mother would think of that.


I'd hope she'd see it as a joke and laugh.


----------



## jld

I Don't Know said:


> I'd hope she'd see it as a joke and laugh.


I hope so, too.


----------



## Kivlor

I Don't Know said:


> I'd hope she'd see it as a joke and laugh.


According to JLD it would be a sign of weakness, and lack of trust in you if she didn't :|


----------



## Duguesclin

Middle of Everything said:


> "You serious Clark"?
> 
> Uhhhh Vulcans are supposed to be smart and likely would have got that reference so maybe Im wrong.
> 
> Ill go slow.
> 
> Star Trek. A TV show. And Movie. Vulcans are completely logical beings who dont feel emotion. Spock is half human half vulcan. His mother is killed when planet Vulcan is destroyed. A fellow officer named CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK gets him to feel emotional about his mothers death to take command of their starship (its a ship that travels in space amongst the stars, thus starship)
> 
> *In all seriousness you approach everything like a vulcan. No feelings, no emotions.* Its why others have asked you if you are in anyway autistic. MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE THIS. Most dont feel they "grow" from EVERY comment someone directs their way.


You clearly do not know my wife.


----------



## wild jade

EllisRedding said:


> Here is a question for the ladies here (and @Cletus :grin2, do you all gossip about a guy's love muscle size? The impression I have gotten about guys who care about their size (i.e Lockness Monster or Pig in a blanket) is that in their mind other women will find out about their size via gossiping (so being a positive or negative depending on what they are rockin). So for the guy rocking the 30ft garden hose he probably takes extra pride in this b/c he assumes that women are just gushing over how big he is. On the other side, the guy with a Cheetos size penor is probably paranoid that women are laughing at his expense. The funny thing is, these guys are probably more interested/concerned about what is said about their baloney pony size then whether or not females are commenting about how good (or bad) they are in bed.
> 
> One follow up question for the ladies and @Cletus , have you ever pursued a guy b/c you heard he had large 100% all-beef thermometer?
> 
> Also, tbh, part of my reasoning for this post was to see how many different ways I could say penis



Women do gossip, for sure. Sometimes graphically. But unless you're still in high school or have one of these cliques of friends that all sleep around with each other, it's not like this gossip will make a difference to whether a guy is chased or not. I'm not interested in my friend's exes, don't care how big their pee pee is or how great a lover they are or whatever. My guys were all different guys than my friends' guys. 

Personally, I've never chased a guy because of the size of his johnston. But I've happened across some variety in size. Circumstances, you know. And some were wee widdle willie and others were OMG is that a python in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.


----------



## Hope1964

jld said:


> Being able to hear he is not "the best" without getting reactive or defensive is not bring "emotionally dead." It would actually show some maturity.


Then PLEASE hear this and grow from it.

You are condescending and I do not like you. You have an air of superiority that is not warranted. Much of your advice here, especially to betrayed spouses, is actually harmful. You do not just present a different viewpoint, you bash everyone over the head with it and never ever seem to learn a thing from anyone else. If it isn't written in one of your books, or if Dug didn't proclaim it, it can't be true. It would be REALLY nice if you would take your own advice once in a while, like now, and hear what others are saying to you and GROW from it. The farthest you ever go is to 'agree to disagree', which you say you are going to do but then later on you bring it back up with another misleading question that implies something you know perfectly well no one ever meant or said. I, for one, would enjoy my TAM experience more if you were not here, and I think you're actually kind of a whack job.

I mean all of this in the most constructive way possible.


----------



## Hope1964

Duguesclin said:


> You clearly do not know my wife.


Then maybe she should try coming across here more like she really is???


----------



## I Don't Know

EllisRedding said:


> I think it is pretty clear what he needs to do, get a bigger penis :wink2:
> 
> It is amazing that somehow you can draw from his W making a comment about his crotch rocket that he should use this opportunity to not only grow his marriage, but really every aspect of his life. Man, what an awesome W doing this for him lol


Well, let's face facts. It's his fault for having a small penis in the first place. If he had simply had the largest penis his wife wouldn't have had to lay this awful truth on him. Not to mention the fact that he had the audacity to brag about his abilities in the sack. She HAD to take him down a peg or two. The real question is why he felt the need to put her in such a situation. She should reconsider if he's really the right type of guy.


----------



## uhtred

Keep in mind that the comment could have just been something she said without thinking. He bragged about how awesome he was in bed, she mean to tease him by saying that she'd had bigger, and didn't realize that it would hurt him.



lifeistooshort said:


> I think the real issue is why she let loose with a comment like that.
> 
> Is she simply a b!tch or is there a backstory here?
> 
> OP has done nothing to address the history between them and doesn't seem to have come back.
> 
> Let's see if he returns.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jld

Hope1964 said:


> Then PLEASE hear this and grow from it.
> 
> You are condescending and I do not like you. You have an air of superiority that is not warranted. Much of your advice here, especially to betrayed spouses, is actually harmful. You do not just present a different viewpoint, you bash everyone over the head with it and never ever seem to learn a thing from anyone else. If it isn't written in one of your books, or if Dug didn't proclaim it, it can't be true. It would be REALLY nice if you would take your own advice once in a while, like now, and hear what others are saying to you and GROW from it. The farthest you ever go is to 'agree to disagree', which you say you are going to do but then later on you bring it back up with another misleading question that implies something you know perfectly well no one ever meant or said. I, for one, would enjoy my TAM experience more if you were not here, and I think you're actually kind of a whack job.
> 
> I mean all of this in the most constructive way possible.


I am sure you do, Hope. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


----------



## uhtred

Isn't it important to take things personally? If you love someone, shouldn't their opinion be very important to you because you value them and their thoughts?



jld said:


> Not spinning or stretching anything here. Just sticking to what he could learn from this, and not shielding him, as some others seem wont to do.
> 
> His learning to not take things personally, while focusing on the message, could help him a lot in life. Not just in his marriage, but everywhere.
> 
> I do think, though, to at least some of us wives, emotional independence in our husbands is very attractive.


----------



## jld

uhtred said:


> Isn't it important to take things personally? If you love someone, shouldn't their opinion be very important to you because you value them and their thoughts?


What you want to take to heart is their message, and its _possible_ validity. 

Not all messages are worth much. Sometimes it is just someone blowing off steam, or overreacting, or whatever. You have to use discernment.

But what often hurts people is not the emotion that goes along with the message, but even the smallest kernel of truth in the message itself. 

Is his penis not the biggest? Sounds like it. Does it matter? I doubt it.

The wife was probably just sick of his ego. Probably thinks it is amazing she held back as long as she did.

Have you ever dated a braggart? How long did it last before you could not stand it anymore and had to break up?


----------



## samyeagar

uhtred said:


> Isn't it important to take things personally? If you love someone, shouldn't their opinion be very important to you because you value them and their thoughts?


Read her signature. Think about it and really try to fully digest what it says...there you shall find your answer...



> One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida


----------



## TX-SC

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Being able to hear he is not "the best" without getting reactive or defensive is not bring "emotionally dead." It would actually show some maturity.


Your arguments are circular and you are not bringing anything new to this discussion. I'm not sure why you continue to make the same "use it to grow emotionally" argument over and over? 

He made a funny comment to his wife. His wife turned around and made a hurtful comment in return. I certainly wouldn't divorce her over it but I would let her know that the comment bothered me. There's something to be said for communicating your feelings to your spouse. Ask her why she felt that was appropriate at that time. Does she wish his penis was larger? Why did she choose to say THAT? 

Pretty much everyone EXCEPT jld is saying it was a spiteful, mean thing to say. As a long time married man, I have the ability to know what truths are helpful and what truths are not. If I told my wife everything that popped into my mind, it would not help our marriage. I agree that being truthful WHEN ASKED is a positive thing. Throwing rude thoughts at your spouse is in no way helpful. 

If I'm having sex with my wife, do I need to tell her, "You're good, but I've had better!" it would possibly be true, but it in NO WAY adds to our experience or relationship. If she smells a little stronger than usual, do I stop having sex with her and say "Damn woman, you STINK!" No, what I do is think, "She's been exercising today and is sweaty. No big deal." 

You seems to think that a relationship only grows through honesty. I think it also grows by having respect for your partner and understanding how some things are just hurtful and don't need to be said. I'm sure he is aware his wife has had larger, so what did she gain by lobbing that at him? What would he gain by telling his wife he prefers women with smaller labia, and her large ones just look gross (or vice versa), or that his ex had better nipples? I mean, seriously, it may be true, but what good does it do to say that to her if she didn't ask?

Poster after poster has said this is mean and unnecessary. Your only response has been that it's a growth opportunity and honesty is good in marriage. You can be honest without being hurtful. You can be honest without insulting someone. Most importantly, you can be honest but only broach some subjects when asked.


----------



## Middle of Everything

Hope1964 said:


> Then PLEASE hear this and grow from it.
> 
> You are condescending and I do not like you. You have an air of superiority that is not warranted. Much of your advice here, especially to betrayed spouses, is actually harmful. You do not just present a different viewpoint, you bash everyone over the head with it and never ever seem to learn a thing from anyone else. If it isn't written in one of your books, or if Dug didn't proclaim it, it can't be true. It would be REALLY nice if you would take your own advice once in a while, like now, and hear what others are saying to you and GROW from it. The farthest you ever go is to 'agree to disagree', which you say you are going to do but then later on you bring it back up with another misleading question that implies something you know perfectly well no one ever meant or said. I, for one, would enjoy my TAM experience more if you were not here, and I think you're actually kind of a whack job.
> 
> I mean all of this in the most constructive way possible.


----------



## Duguesclin

uhtred said:


> Isn't it important to take things personally? *If you love someone, shouldn't their opinion be very important to you because you value them and their thoughts?*


Of course it is very important. In OP's case, it came as a surprise that he has a smaller penis than other men his wife has known. 

I think it is important for him to know. His wife not letting him know would be a disservice to him.

I imagine OP's wife loves him, and she does not value a big d!ck. She cares about him, not his d!ck. Only he seems to have an issue with it.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

It amazes me how quickly these kinds of threads grow...


----------



## EllisRedding

Duguesclin said:


> Of course it is very important. In OP's case, it came as a surprise that he has a smaller penis than other men his wife has known.
> 
> *I think it is important for him to know. His wife not letting him know would be a disservice to him.*


Oh geez at the bolded ...

Also, where did the OP say he was surprised he was not the biggest


----------



## uhtred

Why would it have been a surprise. I would assume that women I have been with have had larger partners, what are the odds that I would be the largest they had encountered? 

That is different though from being told, because the act of stating it implies that it is actually a problem. 

But that said, I suspect it was just said without thinking, and he should have found a way to laugh it off right then. 




Duguesclin said:


> Of course it is very important. In OP's case, it came as a surprise that he has a smaller penis than other men his wife has known.
> 
> I think it is important for him to know. His wife not letting him know would be a disservice to him.
> 
> I imagine OP's wife loves him, and she does not value a big d!ck. She cares about him, not his d!ck. Only he seems to have an issue with it.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> What you want to take to heart is their message, and its _possible_ validity.
> 
> Not all messages are worth much. Sometimes it is just someone blowing off steam, or overreacting, or whatever. You have to use discernment.
> 
> But what often hurts people is not the emotion that goes along with the message, but even the smallest kernel of truth in the message itself.
> 
> Is his penis not the biggest? Sounds like it. Does it matter? I doubt it.
> 
> *The wife was probably just sick of his ego. Probably thinks it is amazing she held back as long as she did.*
> 
> Have you ever dated a braggart? How long did it last before you could not stand it anymore and had to break up?


I thought we weren't supposed to assign motivation, but since we are now...I think she is probably a reactionary, thoughtless, emotionally independent person with very little self control.


----------



## Duguesclin

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



TX-SC said:


> He made a funny comment to his wife. His wife turned around and made a hurtful comment in return. I certainly wouldn't divorce her over it but I would let her know that the comment bothered me. There's something to be said for communicating your feelings to your spouse. Ask her why she felt that was appropriate at that time. Does she wish his penis was larger? Why did she choose to say THAT?


He should tell his wife his feelings are hurt. I agree with you. I bet his wife does not see the size of his penis as an issue. 

She simply felt his bragging was misplaced.



TX-SC said:


> If I'm having sex with my wife, do I need to tell her, *"You're good, but I've had better!*" it would possibly be true, but it in NO WAY adds to our experience or relationship. If she smells a little stronger than usual, do I stop having sex with her and say "Damn woman, you STINK!" No, what I do is think, "She's been exercising today and is sweaty. No big deal."


You seem to view, like many on TAM, life as better or worse. 

If you do not run the 100m in less than 10s you are a failure and should not talk about it. If you say you run fast, people should agree with you to make you feel good.

It is fine to run 100m in less than 10s, but it is equally fine to run it in 15s. You are not a lesser man because of it.



TX-SC said:


> You seems to think that a relationship only grows through honesty. I think it also grows by having respect for your partner and understanding how some things are just hurtful and don't need to be said. I'm sure he is aware his wife has had larger, so what did she gain by lobbing that at him? What would he gain by telling his wife he prefers women with smaller labia, and her large ones just look gross (or vice versa), or that his ex had better nipples? I mean, seriously, it may be true, but what good does it do to say that to her if she didn't ask?


Honesty is critical. Pretending is wrong. Buying a Mercedes because you want to impress you neighbors is wrong. Buying a Mercedes because you like the car is right.


----------



## GTdad

I'm convinced. I'm telling my wife tonight that I've screwed women with bigger boobs.

It'll be a great opportunity for her to grow, and the 3-4 weeks I'll be in the hospital will be a great opportunity for me to have some down time.


----------



## Hope1964

GTdad said:


> I'm convinced. I'm telling my wife tonight that I've screwed women with bigger boobs.
> 
> It'll be a great opportunity for her to grow, and the 3-4 weeks I'll be in the hospital will be a great opportunity for me to have some down time.


I agree. I'm going to tell my hubby that my first husband was bigger than he is. Oughtta go a LOOOONG WAY toward promoting marital harmony in our house!!! I can hardly wait. I'm actually very excited about this new truth that had to be beaten into my teeny immature little ole brain!!!


----------



## Wolf1974

jld said:


> Nope.
> 
> Again, you do not know what my husband has said to me.


Yep and don't care what he has. Problem has only ever been one thing with you and it's has nothing to do with what you say. It has to do with you thinking the way you and your husband interact is the correct and only way vs the way the rest of the world operates. Only difference between me and other posters is they are still trying to convince you that your way works for you but not others. I think you already know that and just like to spin up topics 

And much props to you. It works every time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Duguesclin

EllisRedding said:


> Oh geez at the bolded ...
> 
> Also, where did the OP say he was surprised he was not the biggest


If he was bragging about the size of his penis, it is logical to assume that he was surprised by his wife's statement. 

If he knew it was small, he would not have bragged about it in the first place.


----------



## GTdad

Wolf1974 said:


> And much props to you. It works every time


She's a master. You rarely see attention-seeking being this successful.


----------



## Wolf1974

GTdad said:


> I'm convinced. I'm telling my wife tonight that I've screwed women with bigger boobs.
> 
> It'll be a great opportunity for her to grow, and the 3-4 weeks I'll be in the hospital will be a great opportunity for me to have some down time.


Just make sure you preface with, "hey only telling you the truth", so she can't possibly get upset 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wolf1974

GTdad said:


> She's a master. You rarely see attention-seeking being this successful.


Just in children really. But least these threads give my GF and I a good chuckle lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Duguesclin

GTdad said:


> I'm convinced. I'm telling my wife tonight that I've screwed women with bigger boobs.
> 
> It'll be a great opportunity for her to grow, and the 3-4 weeks I'll be in the hospital will be a great opportunity for me to have some down time.


So if your wife bragged about the size of her boobs, you would agree with her or remain silent, even if you knew it was not true?

You do not love your wife more or less because of the size of her boobs. OP's wife probably does not care about his penis size. She may just have been tired of his bragging.


----------



## samyeagar

GTdad said:


> I'm convinced. I'm telling my wife tonight that I've screwed women with bigger boobs.
> 
> It'll be a great opportunity for her to grow, and the 3-4 weeks I'll be in the hospital will be a great opportunity for me to have some down time.





Hope1964 said:


> I agree. I'm going to tell my hubby that my first husband was bigger than he is. Oughtta go a LOOOONG WAY toward promoting marital harmony in our house!!! I can hardly wait. I'm actually very excited about this new truth that had to be beaten into my teeny immature little ole brain!!!


I'm sorry you have emotionally dependent spouses. It must be tiring having to carry that load. It could be an opportunity for growth though, and learning that maybe they aren't strong enough to be your partner.

That only applies to Hope though. GTDad...you're just an overly emotional sensitive man.


----------



## EllisRedding

Duguesclin said:


> If he was bragging about the size of his penis, it is logical to assume that he was surprised by his wife's statement.
> 
> If he knew it was small, he would not have bragged about it in the first place.


Where in this thread did he say he was bragging about his penis size


----------



## Hope1964

EllisRedding said:


> Where in this thread did he say he was bragging about his penis size


In the OP. He was JOKING about it.


----------



## Hope1964

samyeagar said:


> I'm sorry you have emotionally dependent spouses. It must be tiring having to carry that load. It could be an opportunity for growth though, and learning that maybe they aren't strong enough to be your partner.
> 
> That only applies to Hope though. GTDad...you're just an overly emotional sensitive man.


Oh, it will definitely be an opportunity for growth. I'm gonna also tell him he needs this


----------



## GTdad

Duguesclin said:


> So if your wife bragged about the size of her boobs, you would agree with her or remain silent, even if you knew it was not true?


Your position seems to be less about sharing the truth than it is counter-acting bragging with the truth, is that correct? Does this approach apply to people bragging about another person?

For example, if my kids tell me that their mom is the best mom in the entire world, is it important that I tell them that Mrs. Smith down the road is likely and objectively a better mom?


----------



## EllisRedding

Hope1964 said:


> In the OP. He was JOKING about it.


I thought he said he was joking about his sexual prowess, that doesn't necessarily mean he was talking about his size (OP never clarified further if that was his point so IDK)


----------



## samyeagar

Duguesclin said:


> If he was bragging about the size of his penis, it is logical to assume that he was surprised by his wife's statement.
> 
> If he knew it was small, he would not have bragged about it in the first place.


Don't make stuff up dug...tis not becoming of you.

No where did he indicate he was bragging about that. What he did say he did, which is what many of us, men and women both, have done which is throw out a grin and a comment like "Yeah, I'm good.", and most of the time, that's in response to that look from our partners that confirms it before we even say it.


----------



## Hope1964

EllisRedding said:


> I thought he said he was joking about his sexual prowess, that doesn't necessarily mean he was talking about his size (OP never clarified further if that was his point so IDK)


Oops, you're right.

(see what I did there? admitting I was wrong?)


----------



## EllisRedding

Hope1964 said:


> Oops, you're right.
> 
> (see what I did there? admitting I was wrong?)


I was ready to admit I was wrong if he indeed talk about his size and I missed it lol.


----------



## Hope1964

Maybe, on some planet, prowess actually equals penis :scratchhead:


----------



## TX-SC

Duguesclin said:


> So if your wife bragged about the size of her boobs, you would agree with her or remain silent, even if you knew it was not true?
> 
> You do not love your wife more or less because of the size of her boobs. OP's wife probably does not care about his penis size. She may just have been tired of his bragging.


Reread his post. He did not brag about his penis size. All he said was that he was pretty good at sex, in a joking way. His wife then said she has had larger. He never said he has a big one and didn't bring it up.


----------



## Blondilocks

It seems to me that if a person desires to be emotionally independent then they wouldn't get married. What am I not understanding?


----------



## Duguesclin

OP has not been very present and there is a lot he could clarify. He did not state who brought up the penis size first. 

What do you say exactly when you brag about your sexual prowess?

Let me address something else. Many of you seem to take issue with what JLD is writing. If you feel it is not worth discussing, then do not discuss it.

The fact that you do not stop in engaging her tells me that what she is bringing up is worth discussing, and for many of you, even threatening.


----------



## Middle of Everything

Blondilocks said:


> It seems to me that if a person desires to be emotionally independent then they wouldn't get married. What am I not understanding?


You dont understand robots. Or Vulcans. Or maybe epic trolls.


----------



## TX-SC

Duguesclin said:


> OP has not been very present and there is a lot he could clarify. He did not state who brought up the penis size first.
> 
> What do you say exactly when you brag about your sexual prowess?
> 
> Let me address something else. Many of you seem to take issue with what JLD is writing. If you feel it is not worth discussing, then do not discuss it.
> 
> The fact that you do not stop in engaging her tells me that what she is bringing up is worth discussing, and for many of you, even threatening.


You are right, I'll ignore the remainder of jld's posts.


----------



## GTdad

Duguesclin said:


> OP has not been very present and there is a lot he could clarify. He did not state who brought up the penis size first.
> 
> What do you say exactly when you brag about your sexual prowess?
> 
> Let me address something else. Many of you seem to take issue with what JLD is writing. If you feel it is not worth discussing, then do not discuss it.
> 
> The fact that you do not stop in engaging her tells me that what she is bringing up is worth discussing, and for many of you, even threatening.


I disagree.


----------



## Duguesclin

TX-SC said:


> You are right, I'll ignore the remainder of jld's posts.


Good.


----------



## GTdad

Duguesclin said:


> Good.


Why are you triggering, Dug? What are you scared of?


----------



## Hope1964

Well, I for one will continue to tell people what I think when their advice is destructive.


----------



## Cletus

jld said:


> So speaking the truth is mean?


I'll try an experiment some day.

I'll go to the mall with my wife. Every time I pass a woman who has a prettier face, a tighter ass, or a better rack, I'll let my wife know. I'll tell her how she compares negatively to this other woman in no unclear terms.

'Cause it's true, I'm thinking it, so telling her must be beneficial. If she can't handle it, too bad. She'll just have to grow a little. 

Truth is, she'd probably grow enough to get the hell out of the marriage in short order, and I'd deserve it.


----------



## uhtred

OK, lets try some scenarios:

Wife: Do you think I have awesome boobs
Husband (pick one)
a). They are OK, but my former girlfriend was bigger
b). They are awesome, start kissing boobs.

Husband: How do you like my big Dxxx
Wife (pick one)
a). I've had bigger.
b). Start giving oral.

Wife: Do you think I'm getting fat
Husband (pick one)
a). Yes, you better start working out
b). yes, you need some aerobic exercise right now, carry to bed. 

Husband: Do you fantasize about other men?
Wife (pick one)
a). Yeah, there was this guy I dated in high school..
b), Yes I want to be taken by a cave-man, take off your clothes.

Wife: Do you still find me attractive
Husband (pick one)
a) Well you aren't as hot as you used to be, but not too bad.
b). Well I like this part (kiss), that part (kiss), this part (kiss / lick)...









Duguesclin said:


> So if your wife bragged about the size of her boobs, you would agree with her or remain silent, even if you knew it was not true?
> 
> You do not love your wife more or less because of the size of her boobs. OP's wife probably does not care about his penis size. She may just have been tired of his bragging.


----------



## Blondilocks

jld's viewpoints aren't threatening to me. It seems to me (and, I may be way off base here) that jld is examining her marriage's parameters and constructs via discussion. Since she realized she wasn't getting anywhere with Dug with using the Active Listening model she pretty much has abandoned recommending it in every single gd post like she did at one time. Her reliance on books (Gottman) and others indicates that she is searching for something to validate her chosen form of marriage. She is on a quest, it appears. That's what I take away from it.


----------



## TX-SC

uhtred said:


> OK, lets try some scenarios:
> 
> Wife: Do you think I have awesome boobs
> Husband (pick one)
> a). They are OK, but my former girlfriend was bigger
> b). They are awesome, start kissing boobs.
> 
> Husband: How do you like my big Dxxx
> Wife (pick one)
> a). I've had bigger.
> b). Start giving oral.
> 
> Wife: Do you think I'm getting fat
> Husband (pick one)
> a). Yes, you better start working out
> b). yes, you need some aerobic exercise right now, carry to bed.
> 
> Husband: Do you fantasize about other men?
> Wife (pick one)
> a). Yeah, there was this guy I dated in high school..
> b), Yes I want to be taken by a cave-man, take off your clothes.
> 
> Wife: Do you still find me attractive
> Husband (pick one)
> a) Well you aren't as hot as you used to be, but not too bad.
> b). Well I like this part (kiss), that part (kiss), this part (kiss / lick)...


Ooh, ooh, I know the answers (raising hand)!!!!


----------



## Hope1964

@uhtred, you seem to have an unhealthy preoccupation with sex as the solution to all your problems. What would your mother think of that?


----------



## Hope1964

Blondilocks said:


> jld's viewpoints aren't threatening to me. It seems to me (and, I may be way off base here) that jld is examining her marriage's parameters and constructs via discussion. Since she realized she wasn't getting anywhere with Dug with using the Active Listening model she pretty much has abandoned recommending it in every single gd post like she did at one time. Her reliance on books (Gottman) and others indicates that she is searching for something to validate her chosen form of marriage. She is on a quest, it appears. That's what I take away from it.


Oooo, I think you're on to something here.


----------



## Duguesclin

Cletus said:


> I'll try an experiment some day.
> 
> I'll go to the mall with my wife. Every time I pass a woman who has a prettier face, a tighter ass, or a better rack, I'll let my wife know. I'll tell her how she compares negatively to this other woman in no unclear terms.
> 
> 'Cause it's true, I'm thinking it, so telling her must be beneficial. If she can't handle it, too bad. She'll just have to grow a little.
> 
> Truth is, she'd probably grow enough to get the hell out of the marriage in short order, and I'd deserve it.


If it is truly how you feel, she probably already knows it.


----------



## MarriedDude

violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I jokingly bragged about my sexual prowess. she wasn't joking though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?


As a man of TAM...i think i would have gone with either:

"Yes, but I am the best" or...

"Funny...your the biggest i've had"...probably would get a slap for that one...but she has a good sense of humor.

With some things in life-most actually- its best to keep in mind that people sometimes say things that hurt...but intent is important...do you really think her plan was to insult the 1 penis she has vowed to love, honor and cherish? Not knowing the back story...i would tend to believe she had no intention of hurting you at all. Just a typical woman responding to a remark made by the 1 man she should feel free to be honest and herself with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cletus

Duguesclin said:


> If it is truly how you feel, she probably already knows it.


Of course she knows it. Just like I know what she thinks of the hot guy with the ripped abs and the banana hammock.

Part of the "love and cherish" thing we agreed to when we got married was to not go out of our way to constantly remind our partner of these things. No one, with the possible exception of jld, wants to live with that person. 

That's the whole POINT of this thread. What is true does not have to necessarily be spoken. Keeping your mouth shut doesn't change reality, but it implicitly upholds another reality - that I care enough for you to not constantly remind you that you're not perfect.


----------



## jld

Cletus said:


> Of course she knows it. Just like I know what she thinks of the hot guy with the ripped abs and the banana hammock.
> 
> Part of the "love and cherish" thing we agreed to when we got married was to not go out of our way to constantly remind our partner of these things. No one, with the possible exception of jld, wants to live with that person.
> 
> That's the whole POINT of this thread. What is true does not have to necessarily be spoken. Keeping your mouth shut doesn't change reality, but it implicitly upholds another reality - that I care enough for you to not constantly remind you that you're not perfect.


I don't think anyone is "constantly reminding" anyone of their imperfections. But when they come up, it can be an opportunity for growth.

If you love and cherish someone, do you not want to see them at least have the opportunity, when the occasion presents itself, to grow?


----------



## Cletus

jld said:


> If you love and cherish someone, do you not want to see them at least have the opportunity, when the occasion presents itself, to grow?


(Ignoring the joke potential in a small penis thread)

No. I don't see even the most remote possibility of growth when talking negatively about something over which someone is sensitive and has no control whatsoever, unless they bring it up with the clear intent to work on it. 

That's a bull**** rationalization for not being able to keep your damn mouth shut.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> I don't think anyone is "constantly reminding" anyone of their imperfections. But when they come up, it can be an opportunity for growth.
> 
> *If you love and cherish someone, do you not want to see them at least have the opportunity, when the occasion presents itself, to grow?*


As you have defined it in this thread...no.


----------



## jld

Cletus said:


> (Ignoring the joke potential in small penis thread)
> 
> No. I don't see even the most remote possibility of growth when talking negatively about something over which someone is sensitive and has no control whatsoever.
> 
> That's a bull**** excuse for not being able to keep your damn mouth shut.


Would you not like your wife to share something that might hurt your feelings, but could help you grow?


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I don't think anyone is "constantly reminding" anyone of their imperfections. But when they come up, it can be an opportunity for growth.
> 
> 
> 
> If you love and cherish someone, do you not want to see them at least have the opportunity, when the occasion presents itself, to grow?




I think it is one thing to bring up imperfections (mostly actions) that provides an opportunity for "actual" growth. But, most physical imperfection are not these. Does this mean we should let our spouse get obese and say nothing? Probably not, but there are ways to entice and encourage. As there are with even actions we would hope would change for the better. However, ultimately it has to come from that person to change themselves. But, there are physical attributes they cannot change and pointing these out as a comparison is not being honest, it is scoring points. Ugh. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Blondilocks

Just like jld knows what the effects of birthing 5 children have done to her body; but, she doesn't need to have her husband come on the board and point it out. She may not have been embarrassed because it (after-all is the truth) but it was totally unnecessary because we're not stupid.


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> I think it is one thing to bring up imperfections (mostly actions) that provides an opportunity for "actual" growth. But, most physical imperfection are not these. Does this mean we should let our spouse get obese and say nothing? Probably not, but there are ways to entice and encourage. As there are with even actions we would hope would change for the better. However, ultimately it has to come from that person to change themselves. But, there are physical attributes they cannot change and pointing these out as a comparison, is not being honest, it is scoring points. Ugh.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Do you understand why she may have brought it up, Ikaika?


----------



## jld

Blondilocks said:


> Just like jld knows what the effects of birthing 5 children have done to her body; but, she doesn't need to have her husband come on the board and point it out. She may not have been embarrassed because it (after-all is the truth) but it was totally unnecessary because we're not stupid.


It did not bother me. I was surprised it bothered anyone.


----------



## Ikaika

jld said:


> Do you understand why she may have brought it up, Ikaika?




Nope, I do not understand why anyone would bring up such a thing. It is not as if he could suddenly make his willy 10"


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Cletus

jld said:


> Would you not like your wife to share something that might hurt your feelings, but could help you grow?


Only if a) it was important to her b) I wasn't already fully aware of it myself (how patronizing is it to have someone tell you something about yourself that's manifestly clear) and c) there was something I could do about it.

I do want to know what I can do to be a better husband. I do not want to be reminded about how the size of my d!ck compares to other men. Actually, I don't care about that. But we could no doubt find something equivalent. Something where, should my spouse continue to bring it up, I would consider it a lack of empathy and respect.


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> Nope, I do not understand why anyone would bring up such a thing. It is not as if he could suddenly make his willy 10"
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


You did not read the posts that discussed why she may have said that?


----------



## Ikaika

I have never had a woman tell me my Johnson was too small or made comparative remarks, but even if they had what could I do about it. Where is the growth in that remark? 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luvher4life

TX-SC said:


> Ooh, ooh, I know the answers (raising hand)!!!!


...Dependent on whether you are jld, or anybody else...


----------



## Middle of Everything

Cletus said:


> (Ignoring the joke potential in a small penis thread)
> 
> No. I don't see even the most remote possibility of growth when talking negatively about something over which someone is sensitive and has no control whatsoever, unless they bring it up with the clear intent to work on it.
> 
> That's a bull**** rationalization for not being able to keep your damn mouth shut.


Huh

All these pages when all we had to do was direct the OP to a jelqing site. :grin2:


----------



## jld

Cletus said:


> Only if a) it was important to her b) I wasn't already fully aware of it myself (how patronizing is it to have someone tell you something about yourself that's manifestly clear) and c) there was something I could do about it.
> 
> I do want to know what I can do to be a better husband. I do not want to be reminded about how the size of my d!ck compares to other men. Actually, I don't care about that. But we could no doubt find something equivalent. Something where, should my spouse continue to bring it up, I would consider it a lack of empathy and respect.


So if you were bragging about something, and your wife knew the truth, you would not want her to point it out? You would want her to humor you?


----------



## Hope1964

Ikaika said:


> I have never had a woman tell me my Johnson was too small or made comparative remarks, but even if they had what could I do about it. Where is the growth in that remark?


Did you not get the emails?? There's a pill for that ya know.


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> I have never had a woman tell me my Johnson was too small or made comparative remarks, but even if they had what could I do about it. Where is the growth in that remark?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


You are too smart of a man to think this was about the size of his penis, Ikaika.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



violencejack99 said:


> my wife said this to me after I *jokingly bragged *about my sexual prowess. *she wasn't joking* though (she said it in a very dry, matter-of-fact way) and its been bothering me ever since. I feel like it was a ****ty thing to say and uncalled-for
> 
> 
> 
> men of TAM, how would you respond to this? am I right to feel a little hurt/mad over this?






jld said:


> You did not read the posts that discussed why she may have said that?



I read it. I also understand the immaturity in both remarks. All she had to do is say, "you are right baby, you sent me to the moon on that one". And, likely he would instantaneously be ready for round two. Her remarks mean, it may be a while. Playful banter is fun, vindictive honesty is not. 

Btw, we only heard one side of this story. I can only go on what he said. 



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding

Cletus said:


> (Ignoring the joke potential in a small penis thread)
> 
> No. I don't see even the most remote possibility of growth when talking negatively about something over which someone is sensitive and has no control whatsoever, unless they bring it up with the clear intent to work on it.
> 
> That's a bull**** rationalization for not being able to keep your damn mouth shut.


I think as well, and the problem I have with all this "growth" stuff, why is it up to the person to determine what the other person needs to grow at? So in JLDs examples, if she determines in her mind that there is a growth opportunity, she takes it upon herself to push it on the SO, even if it is hurtful. Once again, this just comes across as incredibly selfish, there is just something inherently wrong with this thinking. As I have mentioned several times, this does not mean you keep stuff from your SO, just that you understand who it really is benefiting first.

Now let's go back to the OP. All we know is he jokingly made a comment about his sexual prowess and his W responded saying she has had bigger penises. Once again, where is the growth opportunity just based on these facts alone? That the OP should not joke? Maybe she said this b/c of other comments he has made, so there is a basis for it. Maybe the guy was just happy that he had what he felt was a solid performance session and her comment just shot him down. IDK, we can all make assumptions, but as of now all we have are the facts as presented to us by the OP.


----------



## Ikaika

Hope1964 said:


> Did you not get the emails?? There's a pill for that ya know.




I get two types of junk email, one telling me there is a Russian hottie waiting for me, the other asking me if I have made my funeral plans. I'm confused, am I a horn dog or almost dead? 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Cletus

jld said:


> So if you were bragging about something, and your wife knew the truth, you would not want her to point it out? You would want her to humor you?


If I was "bragging" about it, it would have almost certainly been as a joke. I would have expected exactly the same response OP got, even if I WAS the biggest she ever had, because of my peresonality and because my wife would never in a million years make that statement in earnest. 

I wouldn't be offended because I wouldn't have been sincere in my bragging and she wouldn't have been sincere in the put-down. 

If, on the other hand I was really bragging, the right response if there's actually going to be any growth potential would be to gently tell me how I misread the situation, and maybe next time I should do "x" to really rock her world. Under no circumstances would "my last boyfriend was bigger/longer/un-cut" be an appropriate response. 

I guess I've said what I have to say about this. You're views are your own, and it's clear you're in a remarkably small minority for holding them. WE DON'T AGREE WITH YOUR PREMISE. Leave it at that, huh?


----------



## Ikaika

jld said:


> You are too smart of a man to think this was about the size of his penis, Ikaika.




I know I'm a little above average but smaller than your average porn star. But, I still don't see how making a remark about a physical attribute I can't change amounts to growth? 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> So if you were bragging about something, and your wife knew the truth, you would not want her to point it out? You would want her to humor you?


I think this is one area in which you struggle jld. You tend to convey a very black and white thought process, with virtually no flexibility.

The truth is always the truth, regardless of whether or not is is spoken. Often times, literally the only reason to speak a truth is for the sole purpose of being right, which has nothing to do with the actual truth, and everything to do with the pride and ego of the person who feels compelled to be right.


----------



## Blondilocks

jld said:


> So if you were bragging about something, and your wife knew the truth, you would not want her to point it out? You would want her to humor you?


There is nothing wrong with humoring your spouse. What is wrong is thinking that a spouse has an obligation to correct their spouse by providing opportunities to 'grow'.


----------



## Ikaika

Blondilocks said:


> There is nothing wrong with humoring your spouse. What is wrong is thinking that a spouse has an obligation to correct their spouse by providing opportunities to 'grow'.




Exactly. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> I know I'm a little above average but smaller than your average porn star. But, I still don't see how making a remark about a physical attribute I can't change amounts to growth?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Okay, maybe you did not get it. Let's just say I doubt it was actually about the size of his penis.


----------



## jld

Cletus said:


> If I was "bragging" about it, it would have almost certainly been as a joke. I would have expected exactly the same response OP got, even if I WAS the biggest she ever had, because of my peresonality and because my wife would never in a million years make that statement in earnest.
> 
> I wouldn't be offended because I wouldn't have been sincere in my bragging and she wouldn't have been sincere in the put-down.
> 
> If, on the other hand I was really bragging, the right response if there's actually going to be any growth potential would be to gently tell me how I misread the situation, and maybe next time I should do "x" to really rock her world. Under no circumstances would "my last boyfriend was bigger/longer/un-cut" be an appropriate response.
> 
> I guess I've said what I have to say about this. You're views are your own, and it's clear you're in a remarkably small minority for holding them. WE DON'T AGREE WITH YOUR PREMISE. Leave it at that, huh?


You don't have to respond to my questions if you don't want to, Cletus. No one is obligated to read a post, nor to write a post.


----------



## lifeistooshort

uhtred said:


> Keep in mind that the comment could have just been something she said without thinking. He bragged about how awesome he was in bed, she mean to tease him by saying that she'd had bigger, and didn't realize that it would hurt him.


That's true. My hb has certainly run his mouth without thinking.

Maybe the real question is how does she respond when he tells her his feelings ate hurt?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

jld said:


> Okay, maybe you did not get it. Let's just say I doubt it was actually about the size of his penis.




Yep, I don't get it, I'm not that smart. So, if honesty is important why not say what it is, rather than the comment about the size of his willy (comparison)? If we are to take the OPs comments on face she was not being honest with him, under your assumption. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

samyeagar said:


> I think this is one area in which you struggle jld. You tend to convey a very black and white thought process, with virtually no flexibility.
> 
> The truth is always the truth, regardless of whether or not is is spoken. Often times, literally the only reason to speak a truth is for the sole purpose of being right, which has nothing to do with the actual truth, and everything to do with the pride and ego of the person who feels compelled to be right.


If Dug told me something about myself that were true, and that could help me if I could hear it, it would not help me to worry about his motives in saying it. It would help me to focus on that truth, and how I could benefit from it, regardless of his motives.


----------



## jld

Blondilocks said:


> There is nothing wrong with humoring your spouse. What is wrong is thinking that a spouse has an obligation to correct their spouse by providing opportunities to 'grow'.


They absolutely do not have an obligation. And if they know their spouse is likely to be defensive and reactive, they may not ever risk doing it.


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> Yep, I don't get it, I'm not that smart. So, if honesty is important why not say what it is, rather than the comment about the size of his willy (comparison)? If we are to take the OPs comments on face she was not being honest with him, under your assumption.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


How was she not being honest? 

She did not follow up on her comment, for reasons we do not know.


----------



## Ikaika

jld said:


> If Dug told me something about myself that were true, and that could help me if I could hear it, it would not help me to worry about his motives in saying it. *It would help me to focus on that truth, and how I could benefit from it*, regardless of his motives.



Meaning you would invest the money to change that physical attribute for him? That seems like an emotional dependence to me. 



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> Meaning you would invest the money to change that physical attribute for him? That seems like an emotional dependence to me.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Ikaika, do you really think it was about the size of his penis?


----------



## Ikaika

jld said:


> How was she not being honest?
> 
> 
> 
> She did not follow up on her comment, for reasons we do not know.




Even if she was being honest about screwing guys with a bigger penis, what was the growth point? We don't know how she follows it up based on the original post. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ikaika

jld said:


> Ikaika, do you really think it was about the size of his penis?




Then if it wasn't, she was not being honest. I really don't know what it was about other than what I read in the one sided post. Do you have info the rest of us are not privy to? 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope1964

Anyone else have the song "This is the song that never ends" running through their head?


----------



## Blondilocks

jld said:


> They absolutely do not have an obligation. And if they know their spouse is likely to be defensive and reactive, they may not ever risk doing it.


That attitude could save a lot of marriages.


----------



## GTdad

"It just goes on and on my friend."


----------



## EllisRedding

Ikaika said:


> Then if it wasn't, she was not being honest. I really don't know what it was about other than what I read in the one sided post. Do you have info the rest of us are not privy to?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


As I have said many times before, all we can go by are the facts presented by the OP. If he ever reappears (assuming not a troll) maybe then we will get more insight into exactly what happened. The Hoff knows all!


----------



## Hope1964

"Some people.....STARTED SINGING it NOT KNOWING what it was"


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> Then if it wasn't, she was not being honest. I really don't know what it was about other than what I read in the one sided post. Do you have info the rest of us are not privy to?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Again, how was she not honest?


----------



## manfromlamancha

Man, this thread has really become complicated and difficult to follow. 

It really is not that complicated. His wife was feeling b!tchy and was being a complete b!tch at that moment. Its as simple as that.

Now wether it was true or not - the chances are that it was true and it doesn't seem like OP is a vindictive person - else I would have replied with some of the more choice retorts suggested on this thread the most popular being something to do with just how loose she was down there or something to do with boats being lost in a cavern. But her husband wasn't feeling b!tchy so he did not.

Now as to why she said it - who knows. Maybe she was feeling annoyed and not humoured by his joke. Maybe she was resentful about something else he did. Maybe she felt like cutting him down to size (excuse the pun). Or maybe she was telling the truth and has poor social and marital skills - who knows. 

OP only you know what her frame of mind was but it wasn't good - its as simple as that. Was it about the size of his penis ? Yes it was. Was it meant to hurt him. Probably. Should he worry about it ? Not about the size of his penis, no. But more about his wife and the state of her mind.


----------



## jld

Blondilocks said:


> That attitude could save a lot of marriages.


And for some, that may be all they want: just to stay married.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Again, how was she not honest?




Ok, so,she was being honest about the size of his penis. Then, tell me again how does this helps him grow other than the pills Hope1964 will sell him?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> Again, how was she not honest?


Honesty would have been her saying what the real issue was, since as you have stated, it was not really about his penis size.


----------



## GTdad

jld said:


> Again, how was she not honest?


Because in your theory it wasn't about the size of his penis?


----------



## TX-SC

manfromlamancha said:


> Man, this thread has really become complicated and difficult to follow.
> 
> It really is not that complicated. His wife was feeling b!tchy and was being a complete b!tch at that moment. Its as simple as that.
> 
> Now wether it was true or not - the chances are that it was true and it doesn't seem like OP is a vindictive person - else I would have replied with some of the more choice retorts suggested on this thread the most popular being something to do with just how loose she was down there or something to do with boats being lost in a cavern. But her husband wasn't feeling b!tchy so he did not.
> 
> Now as to why she said it - who knows. Maybe she was feeling annoyed and not humoured by his joke. Maybe she was resentful about something else he did. Maybe she felt like cutting him down to size (excuse the pun). Or maybe she was telling the truth and has poor social and marital skills - who knows.
> 
> OP only you know what her frame of mind was but it wasn't good - its as simple as that. Was it about the size of his penis ? Yes it was. Was it meant to hurt him. Probably. Should he worry about it ? Not about the size of his penis, no. But more about his wife and the state of her mind.


But, you don't seem to understand!!! It's her obligation as his wife to tell him his penis isn't as big as her previous lover's penis! It's the ONLY way he can, um, grow.


----------



## Blondilocks

It helps him to grow by recognizing that playful jokes about his prowess are off-limits with that particular woman. Of course, the same message could have been conveyed completely differently.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> If Dug told me something about myself that were true, and that could help me if I could hear it, it would not help me to worry about his motives in saying it. It would help me to focus on that truth, and how I could benefit from it, regardless of his motives.


This make no sense as a response to what I said.

The compulsion some feel in the need to be right has nothing to do with valuing truth. It has to do with a person being prideful and ego driven...in this case, the wife.


----------



## jld

Ikaika said:


> Ok, so,she was being honest about the size of his penis. Then, tell me again how does this help him grow other than the pills Hope1964 will sell him?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I don't think she cares about the size of his penis specifically. I think his bragging sickens her. And the best way to give him a reality check was to tell him the truth. That could stop the bragging.

Ikaika, you have a doctorate in science, I think biology, right? So when you are doing research, you sometimes form hypotheses based on not only what is right in front of you, which may not be much, but also other scientific phenomena you have observed, no? And then you test them out to see if they are correct.

We do not know what exactly was in her mind, nor what has transpired since. We are all basically forming our hypotheses, and will see when OP returns which, if any, are correct.


----------



## Livvie

jld said:


> samyeagar said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think this is one area in which you struggle jld. You tend to convey a very black and white thought process, with virtually no flexibility.
> 
> The truth is always the truth, regardless of whether or not is is spoken. Often times, literally the only reason to speak a truth is for the sole purpose of being right, which has nothing to do with the actual truth, and everything to do with the pride and ego of the person who feels compelled to be right.
> 
> 
> 
> If Dug told me something about myself that were true, and that could help me if I could hear it, it would not help me to worry about his motives in saying it. It would help me to focus on that truth, and how I could benefit from it, regardless of his motives.
Click to expand...

Penis size can't be changed. There is no way hearing that his wife has had bigger can benefit him or "help" him.


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> Honesty would have been her saying what the real issue was, since as you have stated, it was not really about his penis size.


How was her saying he was not the biggest not honest? From her perspective, it is absolutely honest.

She simply did not go deeper. Nor did he.


----------



## GTdad

jld said:


> She simply did not go deeper. Nor did he.


Well, he couldn't, right?


----------



## jld

samyeagar said:


> This make no sense as a response to what I said.
> 
> The compulsion some feel in the need to be right has nothing to do with valuing truth. It has to do with a person being prideful and ego driven...in this case, the wife.


I disagree. 

I am amazed by how powerful some seem to think she is.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> I don't think she cares about the size of his penis specifically. I think his bragging sickens her. And the best way to give him a reality check was to tell him the truth. That could stop the bragging.


How does one relate to the other  As far as we know, he did not brag specifically about his penis size. If she was sick of his bragging (once again, all he said was he was bragging about his sexual prowess jokingly), wouldn't the adult thing be to actually tell him that instead of directing it at a topic she knew would sting. It seems to me there is a big growth opportunity for HER.


----------



## jld

Livvie said:


> Penis size can't be changed. There is no way hearing that his wife has had bigger can benefit him or "help" him.


I don't think his size was the issue. I think his bragging, or something else, was.


----------



## Livvie

GTdad said:


> jld said:
> 
> 
> 
> She simply did not go deeper. Nor did he.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, he couldn't, right?
Click to expand...

This is really funny.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I don't think she cares about the size of his penis specifically. I think his bragging sickens her. And the best way to give him a reality check was to tell him the truth. That could stop the bragging.
> 
> 
> 
> We do not know what exactly was in her mind, nor what has transpired since. We are all basically forming our hypotheses, and will see when OP returns which, if any, are correct.




Yep, we don't know what transpired - whether he was bragging and/or whether she was clueless. If I take what I read at face value, both were pretty immature comments. There really is no hypothesis (is singular es is plural) to be formulated with the lack of info. OP has chosen to not add any more information. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

EllisRedding said:


> How does one relate to the other  As far as we know, he did not brag specifically about his penis size. If she was sick of his bragging (once again, all he said was he was bragging about his sexual prowess jokingly), wouldn't the adult thing be to actually tell him that instead of directing it at a topic she knew would sting. It seems to me there is a big growth opportunity for HER.


She could have gone beyond just the reality check. He could have asked her to, also.

Instead, he took his hurt feelings here, and asked for input.


----------



## Nucking Futs

samyeagar said:


> This make no sense as a response to what I said.
> 
> The compulsion some feel in the need to be right has nothing to do with valuing truth. It has to do with a person being prideful and ego driven...*in this case, the wife.*


Are you referring to the OP's wife, or Dugs wife?


----------



## soccermom2three

lifeistooshort said:


> Well TAM doesn't seem to have gotten this message because it's constantly preached here that if you're in ok shape and have a little money you're entitled to a woman half your age.
> 
> And that somehow men get better with age while women decline.
> 
> The men of TAM seem to have high opinions of themselves this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's all the sitcoms with the dumpy husbands married to hot wives.


----------



## karole

jld said:


> She could have gone beyond just the reality check. He could have asked her to, also.
> 
> Instead, he took his hurt feelings here, and asked for input.


And look what that's gotten the poor guy!


----------



## Ikaika

soccermom2three said:


> I think it's all the sitcoms with the dumpy husbands married to hot wives.




Shoot, I'm exposed. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Livvie

jld said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> 
> Penis size can't be changed. There is no way hearing that his wife has had bigger can benefit him or "help" him.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think his size was the issue. I think his bragging, or something else, was.
Click to expand...

Have you considered that she just may be a b!tch?

I have known some. It can be an innate thing, unrelated to how they are treated by someone. Some people just have nasty traits.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> Yep, we don't know what transpired - whether he was bragging and/or whether she was clueless. If I take what I read at face value, both were pretty immature comments. There really is no hypothesis (is singular es is plural) to formed with the lack of info. OP has chosen to not add any more information.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I know hypotheses is plural. That is why I did not put "a" in front of it, and later said "them."

We are all forming many hypotheses here, not just one singular one.

We do know he was bragging, because he said so.


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> I know hypotheses is plural. That is why I did not put "a" in front of it, and later said "them."
> 
> 
> 
> We are all forming many hypotheses here, not just one singular one.
> 
> 
> 
> We do know he was bragging, or "boasting," to use his word, because he said so.




There is no hypothesis or hypotheses to be formed, unless you have information the rest of us are not privy to. If so, please do share. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jld

Livvie said:


> Have you considered that she just may be a b!tch?
> 
> I have known some. It can be an innate thing, unrelated to how they are treated by someone. Some people just have nasty traits.


She may be. Does not change how he could have more effectively dealt with the situation.

But he can do better next time.


----------



## larry.gray

jld said:


> It did not bother me.* I was surprised it bothered anyone.*


Other posters have hinted at this, but the bolded comment screams it.

Have you ever been tested for Asperger's? Aspies have frequent issues with offending others and having no ability to understand why others are offended by what was said.


----------



## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> There is no hypothesis or hypotheses to be formed, unless you have information the rest of us are not privy to. If so, please do share.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Same info you have. 

Why do you say we are not making hypotheses? Hypotheses are educated guesses, no?


----------



## Hope1964

Livvie said:


> Have you considered that she just may be a b!tch?
> 
> I have known some. It can be an innate thing, unrelated to how they are treated by someone. Some people just have nasty traits.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/341442-you-b-tch.html#post16063538


----------



## Ikaika

*&quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



jld said:


> Same info you have.
> 
> 
> 
> Why do you say we are not making hypotheses? Hypotheses are educated guesses, no?




Nope, hypotheses are not educated guesses. Hypotheses are based on previous credible information to help define or refine our understanding of principles. They help to define our understanding of trends. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## WorkingOnMe

So, can we all start these epic thread jacks? Or only the privileged?


----------



## jld

larry.gray said:


> Other posters have hinted at this, but the bolded comment screams it.
> 
> Have you ever been tested for Asperger's? Aspies have frequent issues with offending others and having no ability to understand why others are offended by what was said.


Not being bothered by something that a) was never intended to be bothersome, and b) is not universally perceived to be bothersome, is not a sign of autism. 

Different people can perceive different things differently without its being a "sign" of something.


----------



## samyeagar

Nucking Futs said:


> Are you referring to the OP's wife, or Dugs wife?


Hmmm...if the shoe fits...


----------



## larry.gray

There is a reason part of it was in bold.

It's not the lacck of annoyance, it's the inability to understand why it annoys many.


----------



## EllisRedding

jld said:


> She could have gone beyond just the reality check. He could have asked her to, also.
> 
> *Instead, he took his hurt feelings here, and asked for input.*


So you are basically shaming him for coming to TAM to get input lol . Imagine for a second that maybe he came here to process everything before talking to her, hoping to organize his thoughts a little better.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

jld said:


> Not being bothered by something that a) was never intended to be bothersome, and b) is not universally perceived to be bothersome, is not a sign of autism.
> 
> Different people can perceive different things differently without its being a "sign" of something.


Have you actually been tested? Or do you just assume you don't have it? I'm also curious, have you always been a right fighter, or is that more recent as well? I notice Dug is also a right fighter, I wonder if that's something you've developed to combat it with him.


----------



## Middle of Everything

jld said:


> Not being bothered by something that a) was never intended to be bothersome, and b) is not universally perceived to be bothersome, is not a sign of autism.
> 
> Different people can perceive different things differently without its being a "sign" of something.


Why do you seem offended by this? Why do you not see it as a chance for potential growth? Wouldnt knowing you are neuro-atypical potentially help you and allow you to grow emotionally?


----------



## wild jade

I fail to tell my hubby the truth all the time. I don't tell him he's fat, he doesn't take proper care of himself, that he's become very boring in bed, and other things that I won't get into here.

I don't tell him these things because I want to protect his feelings and because I don't want the conflict. 

Am I doing him a favour? 

Yes, absolutely. He can go on blissfully happy with nothing but smooth sailing, content that he is loved, supported, and life is good

No absolutely not. Because he has a wife that's losing interest in him big time, and one day he's going to realize that she might still be sitting beside him, but really she isn't at all there in spirit.


----------



## Duguesclin

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Ikaika said:


> Nope, hypotheses are not educated guesses. Hypothesis are based on previous credible information to help define or refine our understanding of principles. They help to define our understanding of trends.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


_hy·poth·e·sis
hīˈpäTHəsəs/
noun
a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation._

With limited evidence, there are a lot of guesses.


----------



## Duguesclin

EllisRedding said:


> So you are basically shaming him for coming to TAM to get input lol . Imagine for a second that maybe he came here to process everything before talking to her, hoping to organize his thoughts a little better.


So not only does he have a small d!ck, but he has no balls either?

Just kidding, OP!


----------



## Ikaika

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



Duguesclin said:


> _hy·poth·e·sis
> 
> hīˈpäTHəsəs/
> 
> noun
> 
> a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation._
> 
> 
> 
> With limited evidence, there are a lot of guesses.




Sorry, we don't guess in science. This is a 5th grade definition of a hypothesis. And in the case presented by the OP, there is no hypothesis or hypotheses to be made. If you can make one feel free to do so. However, no hypothesis is worth squat unless you can design testable aims around it. Given that the poor OP has been overwhelmed at this point, that may never happen. 

Note in your definition, the word limited evidence. This implies something verifiable. So, since we cannot verify what has been presented, there is no hypothesis to be made. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding

wild jade said:


> I fail to tell my hubby the truth all the time. I don't tell him he's fat, he doesn't take proper care of himself, that he's become very boring in bed, and other things that I won't get into here.
> 
> I don't tell him these things because I want to protect his feelings and because I don't want the conflict.
> 
> Am I doing him a favour?
> 
> Yes, absolutely. He can go on blissfully happy with nothing but smooth sailing, content that he is loved, supported, and life is good
> 
> No absolutely not. Because he has a wife that's losing interest in him big time, and one day he's going to realize that she might still be sitting beside him, but really she isn't at all there in spirit.


So why not discuss if in your case it will clearly have a negative impact on your marriage?


----------



## samyeagar

EllisRedding said:


> So why not discuss if in your case it will clearly have a negative impact on your marriage?


Because she has become emotionally independent.


----------



## SunCMars

deleted


----------



## wild jade

EllisRedding said:


> So why not discuss if in your case it will clearly have a negative impact on your marriage?


I have said everything that I need to say, and he is a big boy who gets to make his own decisions about how he wishes to live his life.

Just as everyone here keeps saying, he knows he is fat, he knows he doesn't exercise enough or take good care of himself. He knows he doesn't put any effort into sex. He doesn't need me to remind him. He doesn't need me to tear him down.

That I think less of him and am losing attraction is my problem. 

Isn't it?


----------



## Ikaika

wild jade said:


> I have said everything that I need to say, and he is a big boy who gets to make his own decisions about how he wishes to live his life.
> 
> 
> 
> Just as everyone here keeps saying, he knows he is fat, he knows he doesn't exercise enough or take good care of himself. He knows he doesn't put any effort into sex. He doesn't need me to remind him. He doesn't need me to tear him down.
> 
> 
> 
> That I think less of him and am losing attraction is my problem.
> 
> 
> 
> Isn't it?




Have you started your own thread?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Blondilocks

Ikaika said:


> Shoot, I'm exposed.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


:liar: I've seen your pic. If you're the dumpy guy, then your wife must be really gorgeous!


----------



## wild jade

Ikaika said:


> Have you started your own thread?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


No. I have shared some of my story in other threads, but do not have one of my own.


----------



## Ikaika

Blondilocks said:


> :liar: I've seen your pic. If you're the dumpy guy, then your wife must be really gorgeous!




She is, haven't I said over and over she is a 10.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding

wild jade said:


> I have said everything that I need to say, and he is a big boy who gets to make his own decisions about how he wishes to live his life.
> 
> Just as everyone here keeps saying, he knows he is fat, he knows he doesn't exercise enough or take good care of himself. He knows he doesn't put any effort into sex. He doesn't need me to remind him. He doesn't need me to tear him down.
> 
> That I think less of him and am losing attraction is my problem.
> 
> Isn't it?


Sorry, I took your post to mean you had never discussed the issues with him, not that you had discussed and it went nowhere.


----------



## Ikaika

wild jade said:


> No. I have shared some of my story in other threads, but do not have one of my own.




Start one


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## samyeagar

Ikaika said:


> She is, haven't I said over and over she is a 10.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


That's just your emotional dependence talking.


----------



## SunCMars

jld said:


> Not being bothered by something that a) was never intended to be bothersome, and b) is not universally perceived to be bothersome, is not a sign of autism.
> 
> Different people can perceive different things differently without its being a "sign" of something.


Uh, OK.

I prefer humor over knife throwing.

Blood letting is for leaches, not counselors. 

Oh! I am on to something.

The Corporal Body must age, the Brain [too] must age....not necessarily into a ripened [by popular consensus] Maturity.

OP, OP's wife and some Tammers have fallen short on this topic's side note......maturity=wisdom. 

Not shameful, this....no, just humanity at it's [less than] finest.

And I am not tall.


----------



## wild jade

EllisRedding said:


> Sorry, I took your post to mean you had never discussed the issues with him, not that you had discussed and it went nowhere.


Really my point was that I see both sides of the coin in the discussion here.

Yes, we all hide truths from our loved ones. Sometimes really ugly truths that would make them feel really terrible. And we do it because we don't want them to feel terrible. We want to protect them. And so we do. 

But on the other hand, are we really protecting them? Do you think my hubby wants a wife who has lost interest in him? I doubt it. He would want to change it up or to leave me and find someone who really does dig him. Most likely. And here I am refusing him that opportunity.


----------



## EleGirl

I Don't Know said:


> Well, let's face facts. It's his fault for having a small penis in the first place. If he had simply had the largest penis his wife wouldn't have had to lay this awful truth on him. *Not to mention the fact that he had the audacity to brag about his abilities in the sack.* She HAD to take him down a peg or two. The real question is why he felt the need to put her in such a situation. She should reconsider if he's really the right type of guy.


Of course, we have no idea what he said when he bragged about his abilities in the sack with other women. And we don't know how often he does this to her either.

If the topic of this thread were that his wife had bragged to him about her abilities in the sack with other men, most on this thread would be ripping her apart.


----------



## Hope1964

"And THEY'LL continue SINGIN it FOREVER just because....................."


----------



## wild jade

Ikaika said:


> Start one
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


In this hornet's nest? I don't think I'm ready for that.


----------



## jld

SunCMars said:


> Uh, OK.
> 
> I prefer humor over knife throwing.
> 
> Blood letting is for leaches, not counselors.
> 
> Oh! I am on to something.
> 
> The Corporal Body must age, the Brain [too] must age....not necessarily into a ripened [by popular consensus] Maturity.
> 
> OP, OP's wife and some Tammers have fallen short on this topic's side note......maturity=wisdom.
> 
> Not shameful, this....no, just humanity at it's [less than] finest.
> 
> And I am not tall.


Not taking things personally is absolutely a sign of maturity. It is emotional empowerment.


----------



## Ikaika

wild jade said:


> In this hornet's nest? I don't think I'm ready for that.




I understand, but most of us are actually compassionate and have empathy. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding

wild jade said:


> Really my point was that I see both sides of the coin in the discussion here.
> 
> Yes, we all hide truths from our loved ones. Sometimes really ugly truths that would make them feel really terrible. And we do it because we don't want them to feel terrible. We want to protect them. And so we do.
> 
> But on the other hand, are we really protecting them? Do you think my hubby wants a wife who has lost interest in him? I doubt it. He would want to change it up or to leave me and find someone who really does dig him. Most likely. And here I am refusing him that opportunity.


Agreed, I think it comes down to determining what "truths" are necessary to be told and what "truths" are not. Not every little truth needs to be said, not b/c you are protecting him/her, but moreso b/c there is little to no value in doing so.


----------



## jld

wild jade said:


> In this hornet's nest? I don't think I'm ready for that.


Smart gal.


----------



## TX-SC

wild jade said:


> Really my point was that I see both sides of the coin in the discussion here.
> 
> Yes, we all hide truths from our loved ones. Sometimes really ugly truths that would make them feel really terrible. And we do it because we don't want them to feel terrible. We want to protect them. And so we do.
> 
> But on the other hand, are we really protecting them? Do you think my hubby wants a wife who has lost interest in him? I doubt it. He would want to change it up or to leave me and find someone who really does dig him. Most likely. And here I am refusing him that opportunity.


Those changes can be made by your husband. The OP's penis size cannot. I suggest you should start a thread so it can spin off into the Twilight Zone like this one has.


----------



## Blondilocks

EleGirl said:


> Of course, we have no idea what he said *when he bragged about his abilities in the sack with other women. *And we don't know how often he does this to her either.
> 
> If the topic of this thread were that his wife had bragged to him about her abilities in the sack with other men, most on this thread would be ripping her apart.


That isn't what he did. See first post.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

EleGirl said:


> Of course, we have no idea what he said when he bragged about his abilities in the sack with other women. And we don't know how often he does this to her either.
> 
> If the topic of this thread were that his wife had bragged to him about her abilities in the sack with other men, most on this thread would be ripping her apart.


Ele, you know as well as everyone else that you adding "with other women" is first, not something he had in any of his posts, and second, just wrong to try to make it look like he said something he didn't.


----------



## GTdad

Blondilocks said:


> That isn't what he did. See first post.


Or post #27:

"yeah i'm pretty good, aren't I?"

No mention of other women at all.

And not an over-the-top boast.


----------



## Hope1964

wild jade said:


> Really my point was that I see both sides of the coin in the discussion here.
> 
> Yes, we all hide truths from our loved ones. Sometimes really ugly truths that would make them feel really terrible. And we do it because we don't want them to feel terrible. We want to protect them. And so we do.
> 
> But on the other hand, are we really protecting them? Do you think my hubby wants a wife who has lost interest in him? I doubt it. He would want to change it up or to leave me and find someone who really does dig him. Most likely. And here I am refusing him that opportunity.


Your husband can DO something about being fat and lazy. He CAN'T do anything about the size of his penis. Unless you want him to wear a strap on or something I guess.

This thread is about one specific incident. No one here is saying that you should never ever tell your spouse a truth that might hurt them. What we're saying is that there is not one be all end all answer for what to do - each situation has to be looked at individually and decided from there. You haven't come across at all like jld does, so if I were you I wouldn't worry about getting slammed like her


----------



## samyeagar

EleGirl said:


> Of course, we have no idea what he said when he bragged about his abilities in the sack with other women. And we don't know how often he does this to her either.
> 
> *If the topic of this thread were that his wife had bragged to him about her abilities in the sack with other men, most on this thread would be ripping her apart*.


Likewise, if the topic was that he had been bragging about his abilities in the sack with other women, we'd be tearing him apart as well. I guarantee you, if he were to come back and indicate that he did that...he'd get a whole pile of 2x4's, and not the good TAM kind.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

He was clearly fishing for a compliment, not rubbing his wife's nose in his prior sexual activities.

The fact is, some people can't compliment. They feel threatened if they let their spouse get the upper hand in anything.


----------



## uhtred

I'm picturing the Blue Oyster Cult Joan Crawford song.....



Hope1964 said:


> @uhtred, you seem to have an unhealthy preoccupation with sex as the solution to all your problems. What would your mother think of that?


----------



## TX-SC

WorkingOnMe said:


> He was clearly fishing for a compliment, not rubbing his wife's nose in his prior sexual activities.
> 
> The fact is, some people can't compliment. They feel threatened if they let their spouse get the upper hand in anything.


That's an unfortunate reality. Since when did marriage become a competition? People like having fun during sex. The OP and his wife had good sex. He joked about being good at it. She retorted with a cutdown. We simply don't know anything else that that.


----------



## I Don't Know

EleGirl said:


> Of course, we have no idea what he said when he bragged about his abilities in the sack with other women. And we don't know how often he does this to her either.
> 
> If the topic of this thread were that his wife had bragged to him about her abilities in the sack with other men, most on this thread would be ripping her apart.


You're right we don't know what he said. I'm making the assumption that he had enough sense not to say anything about other women. Assumptions are dangerous, I know. And if he was doing that, even once, he got what he deserved. But we don't know he was. Wait... I just noticed that you said "*when* he bragged about his abilities in the sack with other women." Was it established that he *was* bragging about other women? I missed it if it was.

I got the impression that he was just like "yeah I rocked your world baby!" Maybe I'm wrong.


----------



## EleGirl

WorkingOnMe said:


> Ele, you know as well as everyone else that you adding "with other women" is first, not something he had in any of his posts, and second, just wrong to try to make it look like he said something he didn't.


I went back and checked. He does not admit to saying anything about other women. I was under the impression that he had. So I stand corrected on that.

If she just threw out the comment about penis size out of the blue, with no history of him bragging about other women, or other provocation then she was definitely in the wrong.

But, there is a part of me that thinks that there could very well be more to the story. For example, this couple might be eating goat for dinner tonight.


----------



## alexm

EllisRedding said:


> Here is a question for the ladies here (and @Cletus :grin2, do you all gossip about a guy's love muscle size? The impression I have gotten about guys who care about their size (i.e Lockness Monster or Pig in a blanket) is that in their mind other women will find out about their size via gossiping (so being a positive or negative depending on what they are rockin). So for the guy rocking the 30ft garden hose he probably takes extra pride in this b/c he assumes that women are just gushing over how big he is. On the other side, the guy with a Cheetos size penor is probably paranoid that women are laughing at his expense. The funny thing is, these guys are probably more interested/concerned about what is said about their baloney pony size then whether or not females are commenting about how good (or bad) they are in bed.
> 
> One follow up question for the ladies and @Cletus , have you ever pursued a guy b/c you heard he had large 100% all-beef thermometer?
> 
> Also, tbh, part of my reasoning for this post was to see how many different ways I could say penis


They do IME. And again, as I said in one of my previous posts in this thread, it's really only if it falls outside of the normal, expected range.

Huge? Somebody will hear about it. Tiny? Somebody will hear about it. Stands straight up when it's erect? Check. Has a 40 degree bend in it? Yep.

Basically anything that's different in a highly visible or obvious way seems worth talking about, mainly because it's relatively rare.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

EleGirl said:


> For example, this couple might be eating goat for dinner tonight.


I feel like I should know what this means. Maybe you can PM me? I'm a little slow on the uptake and don't always get cultural references.


----------



## TX-SC

In anthropological terms, we might call this a levelling mechanism. There is an interesting article on the internet by Richard Lee called "Eating Christmas in the Kalahari" that talks about this phenomenon. It's a great article. 

It has been suggested that the OP's wife needed to knock him down a peg or two to keep him from getting a big head (damn, the sexual innuendos are everywhere).


----------



## WorkingOnMe

TX-SC said:


> In anthropological terms, we might call this a levelling mechanism. There is an interesting article on the internet by Richard Lee called "Eating Christmas in the Kalahari" that talks about this phenomenon. It's a great article.
> 
> It has been suggested that the OP's wife needed to knock him down a peg or two to keep him from getting a big head (damn, the sexual innuendos are everywhere).


This was my theory in a nutshell from the very beginning. I just think she ended up using a sledgehammer when she only really needed a slight nudge. Something like "you think so, huh"? when he suggest he's pretty good. She unfortunately went right for the jugular.


----------



## Middle of Everything

WorkingOnMe said:


> This was my theory in a nutshell from the very beginning. I just think she ended up using a sledgehammer when she only really needed a slight nudge. Something like "you think so, huh"? when he suggest he's pretty good. She unfortunately went right for the jugular.


Sledgehammer? Or thermonuclear warhead?


----------



## EleGirl

WorkingOnMe said:


> This was my theory in a nutshell from the very beginning. I just think she ended up using a sledgehammer when she only really needed a slight nudge. Something like "you think so, huh"? when he suggest he's pretty good. She unfortunately went right for the jugular.


If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

What if a tree does not fall in a forest? What then?


----------



## TX-SC

EleGirl said:


> If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
> 
> What if a tree does not fall in a forest? What then?


Then it lands on someone's house?


----------



## Ikaika

"OP, OP, wherefore art thou OP?... Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?"


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



wild jade said:


> Ya, for sure, compliments have to be believable, and for that they have to be sincere. If hubby was to start giving me the perfect 10 gush, I'd know he was lying his ass off and would more likely feel patronized instead of complimented. Instead, I know what he values about me, and since I'm about to become totally old and wrinkly, I'm super glad it's not all based on looks.
> 
> That's where I think @jld has nailed it. Lying to someone to make them feel good is actually a recipe for failure. May seem okay in the moment, but if you take a longer view, you run into all kinds of problems.


There's a huge difference between lying to someone and telling them something that was not asked for.

If I asked my wife if I had the biggest **** she's ever had (which, good lord, I would NOT...) I'd have to prepare myself for the possibility/probability of the answer being "no". Geez, even if I had 8 or 9 inches of sausage, I wouldn't ask that question, because if the answer was "no" (of which the probability would be WAY lower, but nonetheless, possible), I'd be shocked.

In this case, OP did NOT ask his wife about this. She threw it out there, for gods-know-what reason.

JLD is convinced that this is perfectly reasonable, as it's the truth (it may not actually be, by the way. It might BE the biggest she's ever had) and that he should learn and grow from it. Even though HE DID NOT ASK THIS QUESTION, or perhaps didn't even insinuate that his self-styled "joke bragging" had anything to do with his penis or its size.

I've been "humble ****y" with my wife after a good session in which I hit all her buttons and I knew it. But my wife knows I'm not being serious and that I -actually- think I'm god's gift to women/her in the sack.

Thus, if my wife responded with a remark the way OP's did, I'd be flabbergasted. NOT that she may or may not have had a larger penis before me, but that she felt she needed to knock me down a peg for some reason. Believe me, she's done that before, and I know when I deserve it. But she's never done it out of the blue like that, or by using something hurtful like that.

She's really good at Scrabble, but she only beats me 2 or 3 times out of 10. When she does, she makes sure to rub it in - jokingly.

OP's wife's response was akin to me telling her "My ex wife usually beat me at Scrabble (she did) so you're not that good!". Why on earth would I say something like that?


----------



## Wolf1974

Is this thread still about ****s?


----------



## GTdad

Wolf1974 said:


> Is this thread still about ****s?


In a manner of speaking.


----------



## samyeagar

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



alexm said:


> There's a huge difference between lying to someone and telling them something that was not asked for.
> 
> If I asked my wife if I had the biggest **** she's ever had (which, good lord, I would NOT...) I'd have to prepare myself for the possibility/probability of the answer being "no". Geez, even if I had 8 or 9 inches of sausage, I wouldn't ask that question, because if the answer was "no" (of which the probability would be WAY lower, but nonetheless, possible), I'd be shocked.
> 
> In this case, OP did NOT ask his wife about this. She threw it out there, for gods-know-what reason.
> 
> JLD is convinced that this is perfectly reasonable, as it's the truth (it may not actually be, by the way. It might BE the biggest she's ever had) and that he should learn and grow from it. Even though HE DID NOT ASK THIS QUESTION, or perhaps didn't even insinuate that his self-styled "joke bragging" had anything to do with his penis or its size.
> 
> I've been "humble ****y" with my wife after a good session in which I hit all her buttons and I knew it. But my wife knows I'm not being serious and that I -actually- think I'm god's gift to women/her in the sack.
> 
> Thus, if my wife responded with a remark the way OP's did, I'd be flabbergasted. NOT that she may or may not have had a larger penis before me, but that she felt she needed to knock me down a peg for some reason. Believe me, she's done that before, and I know when I deserve it. But she's never done it out of the blue like that, or by using something hurtful like that.
> 
> She's really good at Scrabble, but she only beats me 2 or 3 times out of 10. When she does, she makes sure to rub it in - jokingly.
> 
> OP's wife's response was akin to me telling her "My ex wife usually beat me at Scrabble (she did) so you're not that good!". *Why on earth would I say something like that?*


You have been denying your wife a growth opportunity.


----------



## EleGirl

TX-SC said:


> Then it lands on someone's house?


It seems that at times, when nothing at all happens, it still creates a very loud noise.. pages and pages of noise.


----------



## soccermom2three

lifeistooshort said:


> I think the real issue is why she let loose with a comment like that.
> 
> Is she simply a b!tch or is there a backstory here?
> 
> OP has done nothing to address the history between them and doesn't seem to have come back.
> 
> Let's see if he returns.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I agree but I'm going to make a couple of guesses.

1. She was making a joke and he didn't get it.
2. He's bragged about his "sexual prowess" in the past but this is the first time she's actually said anything back. This makes him focus on this one event and conveniently forget what he's said in the past. Is her response over the top? Probably but maybe she's fed up.


----------



## wild jade

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



alexm said:


> There's a huge difference between lying to someone and telling them something that was not asked for.
> 
> If I asked my wife if I had the biggest **** she's ever had (which, good lord, I would NOT...) I'd have to prepare myself for the possibility/probability of the answer being "no". Geez, even if I had 8 or 9 inches of sausage, I wouldn't ask that question, because if the answer was "no" (of which the probability would be WAY lower, but nonetheless, possible), I'd be shocked.
> 
> In this case, OP did NOT ask his wife about this. She threw it out there, for gods-know-what reason.
> 
> JLD is convinced that this is perfectly reasonable, as it's the truth (it may not actually be, by the way. It might BE the biggest she's ever had) and that he should learn and grow from it. Even though HE DID NOT ASK THIS QUESTION, or perhaps didn't even insinuate that his self-styled "joke bragging" had anything to do with his penis or its size.
> 
> I've been "humble ****y" with my wife after a good session in which I hit all her buttons and I knew it. But my wife knows I'm not being serious and that I -actually- think I'm god's gift to women/her in the sack.
> 
> Thus, if my wife responded with a remark the way OP's did, I'd be flabbergasted. NOT that she may or may not have had a larger penis before me, but that she felt she needed to knock me down a peg for some reason. Believe me, she's done that before, and I know when I deserve it. But she's never done it out of the blue like that, or by using something hurtful like that.
> 
> She's really good at Scrabble, but she only beats me 2 or 3 times out of 10. When she does, she makes sure to rub it in - jokingly.
> 
> OP's wife's response was akin to me telling her "My ex wife usually beat me at Scrabble (she did) so you're not that good!". Why on earth would I say something like that?


Okay, but it's not like my hubby asked me if he was fat either. He never asked for my opinion one way or the other. Does that mean I should never mention anything ever because it's taking him down a peg?

And as Imentioned earlier, I've also made several small willy cracks to my husband and it never bothered him. He took it for what it was, just a crack, in context. He sometimes rubs my nose in my crap too. Does that make him cruel and heartless?

This thread though really does reveal just how sensitive guys can be about their penises. Now a small willy comment is being compared to thermonuclear war. Go figure. :scratchhead:


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## wild jade

EleGirl said:


> It seems that at times, when nothing at all happens, it still creates a very loud noise.. pages and pages of noise.


LOL! Way to sum up the thread!


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## jld

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



wild jade said:


> This thread though really does reveal just how sensitive guys can be about their penises. Now a small willy comment is being compared to thermonuclear war. Go figure. :scratchhead:


Yeah, I thought that was ridiculous, too.


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## samyeagar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEwKCu0P89c


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## Middle of Everything

Literally

Figuratively 

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

Oh dont worry im not LITERALLY banging my head into a brick wall. (or comparing an insult to thermonuclear [email protected] war)


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## larry.gray

musicftw07 said:


> Bingo.
> 
> In college I hooked up with a girl who got 1/3rd in her mouth and called it "deep throating".
> 
> It wasn't.
> 
> I've never known what it's like to have my entire penis inside a woman's mouth. And I probably never will.
> 
> As to my gf saying I'm the best she's had, people are glossing over the fact that I said we have a strong emotional connection. She told me she was madly in love with me before we ever had sex. And I GUARANTEE my XWW had a stronger emotional connection with her AP than she did with me. Thus, she cheated.
> 
> IME, women respond to emotional connection far more than penis size. I can't just show up with a hard on and expect a great relationship. I have to put in as much effort as anyone else.
> 
> But yeah. I'm "bragging".


One more I forgot:

You can't release ejaculate when the gland is rammed into the fornix hard. That makes for a highly painful orgasm if your wife sits upright as you finish.


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## notmyrealname4

@jld @Duguesclin


Does this (unique) philosophy you subscribe to, with regards to total honesty, have a name? I am asking in all seriousness. Before I came to TAM, and read you guys' posts which espouse this viewpoint; I had never heard of such a thing.

I always thought that you were supposed to tread lightly around the characteristics of your loved ones that they were sensitive about. If they solicit input, then give it gently. If you feel you must bring it up; then do so at an appropriate time guided by tact and caring.

Some of the worst memories I have in the relationship with my husband have been the result of his flamethrower mouth. Things about my body, my style; it has resulted in me *not* being able to trust him completely. It has resulted in me *not* being able to be completely vulnerable with him.

Getting tired of the consequences of hurting my feelings and mellowing out (lower testosterone, I would think), have caused him to hold back and attempt to be tactful. That's kind of him. That's good. It's a little too late though. Some damage has been done that will never be undone.


I think you guys are good people. You are devoted to each other and your family. And if this approach to life and marriage is working for you, that is great.

I think you are a very small minority. So, when participating in TAM, I think a lot of times you will hurt people, probably without meaning to.

I am glad that you participate here. But you might want to let posters know, especially new members, what your unique slant is to problem solving. I believe there was one poster (nicklaus???) who really benefited from jld's help.


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## tech-novelist

RandomDude said:


> Before my ex and I married she said the same thing to me to puncture my ego - that she had guys bigger than me. I just *respoused *"they obviously didn't know how to use it otherwise u wouldn't be here"
> 
> Was a good laugh and that was that. She was testing ur confidence and unfortunately u failed


So you respoused her at that point? You are very strict!


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## tech-novelist

blueinbr said:


> Well, not necessarily half our age. More like 40% our age. For some reason, us 50 yo guys think getting a hot 30 yo is possible, at least theoretically.
> 
> I wonder why we think that.


That would be 60%, not 40%. Although actually I've heard that the rule is 1/2 your age + 7.

Not that this is particularly relevant to me because I'm happily married, but I just wanted to set the record straight. >


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## tech-novelist

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Gonna let you in on a little secret.
> 
> Most men don't age well. At _*all*_.
> 
> One needs only to stroll around the mall and take a look at the older married couples to see that. Better yet, do a search for men 50-55 in your geographical area on any dating site, like I used to do when I was dating. The results will frighten you. It was like looking at a slow motion train wreck for me.
> 
> Pretty much all of them were bald or balding and what was left of their hair was either grey or white. Practically none of them were in shape - they were either pudgy/doughy or just downright fat. Most had a haggard look on their faces and an abundance of wrinkles, as though they had worked out in the sun for the last 40 years without a single break. Sadly, most just looked like your average 'grandpa' and I wasn't ready to go down that road.
> 
> Secondly, Viagra doesn't renew your vigor or give you a new sex drive. It simply* allows* the blood to flow easier and stronger which in turn allows a better and/or longer erection. It's about blood flow, not vigor.
> 
> But sadly, all the Viagra in the world won't make a difference if your average older man looks like Father Time. Unless he's got buckets of money sitting out on his front porch, the hot younger ladies aren't going to be knocking on his door anytime soon. That's a promise.


I don't know anyone who claims that men get better looking as they get old, at least after 30 or so.

I do know people who claim that this happens more slowly *on average* with men than with women.

In addition, *in general *men are more concerned with looks (in women) than women are concerned with looks (in men). Thus, a man doesn't have to be as good looking as a woman for her to be interested in him. This also favors men over women of the same age, even if men and women do age at the same rate physically.

Finally, I will note that it is much more common to see a couple where the woman is better looking than the man than the reverse, so there must be some validity to these points.


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## MattMatt

EleGirl said:


> It seems that at times, when nothing at all happens, it still creates a very loud noise.. pages and pages of noise.


It's the hectoring, preaching lectures that make such threads a real joy. Don't you find?


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## MattMatt

EleGirl said:


> If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
> 
> What if a tree does not fall in a forest? What then?


What if the sucker actually landed on the only person in the forest?:surprise:


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## TX-SC

EleGirl said:


> It seems that at times, when nothing at all happens, it still creates a very loud noise.. pages and pages of noise.


Possibly. 

Chopping wood is perfect for people with an axe to grind.


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## uhtred

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*

I see absolutely no connection between nuclear missiles and penises. 



wild jade said:


> snip
> Now a small willy comment is being compared to thermonuclear war. Go figure. :scratchhead:


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## MarriedDude

EleGirl said:


> I went back and checked. He does not admit to saying anything about other women. I was under the impression that he had. So I stand corrected on that.
> 
> If she just threw out the comment about penis size out of the blue, with no history of him bragging about other women, or other provocation then she was definitely in the wrong.
> 
> But, there is a part of me that thinks that there could very well be more to the story. *For example, this couple might be eating goat for dinner tonight.*


You must have never BBQ'd a goat.


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## MarriedDude

notmyrealname4 said:


> @jld @Duguesclin
> 
> 
> Does this (unique) philosophy you subscribe to, with regards to total honesty, have a name?



There is the Truth and the truth

https://youtu.be/-Nc88_ZEfxg


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## MarriedDude

*Re: &quot;You're Not The Biggest I've Ever Had&quot;*



uhtred said:


> I see absolutely no connection between nuclear missiles and penises.


Nope..not even a Little...


> "Little"


----------

