# So Unsure



## kelbrae (Aug 12, 2012)

I've been reading alot here and decided to post. Im considering leaving my husband. Most first posts are long so I guess mine will be too.

I've been unhappy for about 4 out of our 5 years of marriage. Not all unhappy. We had two children in that 4 years. They are the world to both of us. He is an excellent father. I work 24 hour shifts and he has taken care of our children while I work. 

About 9 months ago, I told him how unhappy I was. His world was shattered. I was angry at him. I didnt think he spent enough time with the children and always seemed to be watching TV or playing on the computer. I was completely honest with him and pulled no punches. I felt strong in the beginning about what I felt and didn't know if I could fix our marriage. I just fell out of love with him. He begged and pleaded for me not to leave. We started marriage counseling. I really tore into him at the MC session and on the way home. I felt out of control with some of the things I said. I screamed at him I wanted him out of the house. He brought up that if I was unhappy after our first child was born, why did we have a second. I screamed at him that I had f*cked up and we shouldnt have had him. I still cant believe I said that. Fast foward to now..I still feel the same way despite him completely changing his way of doing things. he did everything right for 9 months. But I still feel this way. I asked him to seperate, which he doesnt want to do. He is crushed. There are times when I dont feel this way, like everything will work out and other times I feel hopeless. I feel like I cant do this to him, but I dont want to be with someone Im not in love with. I have no desire for physical intimacy with him. He has been patient with the situation these nine months. About a month and a half ago I did wake him up in the middle of the night. I wanted him. We had sex and it was great. But since then nothing. He has tried to initiate but I just have no desire for sex, with him or anyone. There is no one else involved. Im just so confused about my feelings. HELP!


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## lostguy (Aug 11, 2012)

I can't comment other then to say that this sounds like my wife and I in a way. She seems to be going through similar feelings, although she's done more things to emotionally hurt me. No kids here, luckily. Your husband and I probably feel the same way.

Wish you the best!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kelbrae, you are definately in a bad place. It sounds to me like you are confused as to why you feel this way. So maybe we need to do some digging.

How old are you, he and your children?

Is your husband the only person you have anger towards? How about your children? Your family? co-workers?

How many hours a week do you work? 

How many days off do you have a week?

How many hours a week do you and your husband spend doing things together as a couple.

That's a start.... will wait for your answers.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So whats his problem? Why is he not fullfilling you? whay can't he make you happy?

Everybody knows you can always count on other poeple for your happiness.

I'm not happy so I will blame it on my spouse, its all her fault, I am the perfect husband and she can't make me happy so she is the one to fix this.

Right?


**********************disclaimer*******************

This reply is strickly sarcastic and does not reflect the views of this poster.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> So whats his problem? Why is he not fullfilling you? whay can't he make you happy?
> 
> Everybody knows you can always count on other poeple for your happiness.
> 
> ...


You are a very bad boy... :rofl:


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## kelbrae (Aug 12, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Kelbrae, you are definately in a bad place. It sounds to me like you are confused as to why you feel this way. So maybe we need to do some digging.
> 
> How old are you, he and your children?
> 
> ...


Im 28, he is 36 our children are 4 and 15 months. There are times I do snap at my children but nothing unusual. I work odd hours, Ill work 24 hours, then be off a day, another 24 and be off 2 days another 24 be off 3 days and i get one 4 day weekend every 3 weeks. This schedule does cause stress but the money is great. On the days I work he completely steps up to the role of basically a single parent. He cares for our 2 children by himself. Im sure there are other men who do this, but I dont know of any. No, we dont spend any time to ourselves, we just dont seem to carve time out to do it. With my work hours I seem to be always tired and then the children need tending. When all this started back in November I felt a little overwhelmed, my hair started falling out (its grown back). My H brought up the possibility of post partum depression but I flatly denied that. I wasnt depressed. At the time I was week late despite it coming like clockwork. I could not remember the date we last had sex so i took a pregnancy test. It was negative. I waited a week, still no period, so i took another test, negative. I scheduled a Dr. appt and was going to have an implant. I had to wait 2 weeks for ins. approval , still no period. After the implant I waited another 2 weeks and finally my period arrived. 

I feel like neither one of us made the effort to carve out time for ourselves. He said he had been walking on eggshells for the last nine months. I try to discuss this calmly with him. I asked him the other night if he had changed his mind about us. He said no. He was calm and stated that he wanted to work on us, go back to marriage counseling. Im the one who ends up crying. I just dont know what good it willl do. I dont know what to do other than seperate and see if I miss him.


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