# Book recommendation



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Can anyone please recommend me a good book for someone who is in the separation/divorcing who wants personal growth or hope that includes bible versus, or that includes God. 

FYI: I am christian not catholic, there is a difference..... to me at least. 

Thanks in Advance.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Hi Prelude,
You seemed pretty convinced that your husband left you because of your resentment over his affair. If I remember right you didn’t treat him well for 4 years before he left. I think the fact that you’ve recognised this and you’re remorseful about it is a huge move forward for you. I’m also a Christian but I’m not a Church man. Rather I use the parts of Christianity along with parts from other beliefs that work for me, Buddhism for example.
As far as I can see, the most fundamental teaching of Christianity is focused on forgiveness. But there a lot of Christians that don’t understand the true meaning of forgiveness. “Forgive them for they know not what they do”. What does that mean? For example, your husband had an affair. I wonder though if he knew the impact on his life, and yours, if he would have had that affair. He didn’t have a clue what he was doing did he.
And how about yourself? You didn’t forgive, you held onto resentment. Would you have done that if you knew what the consequences were going to be for yourself? It’s alright I know the answer, but you didn’t know what you were doing did you, you didn’t know the consequences.
Without forgiveness there is resentment. With true forgiveness there is no resentment. 
Resentment is ill will against a partner felt as a result of a real or imagined offence. My wife was exceptionally unforgiving and therefore exceptionally resentful, she could go back decades. Sometimes the things she resented me for were imagined offences, I simply didn’t commit the offence she wasn’t forgiving me for and what she was resentful about. I left my wife because of that and we’d been together for over 40 years. Long term resentment kills love and therefore marriages.

Maybe what I did will help you as well. I learnt what “Forgive for they know not what they do” really means, at least what it really means for me. I wrote down everything I wanted to forgive myself and others for, all the offences. I was lucky and lived in a small village with a village Church. It’s was open during the day for private prayer and I’d go there and sit quietly by myself going through the process of forgiving. I try now for almost instant forgiveness. But it’s taken about 6 months to forgive my wife this time round, I’m nearly there. There are various processes for forgiveness, may be good to find one that works for you. I really hope this helps you.

Bob


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Gary Chapman has a book titled "Hope for the Separated". It would be perfect for you.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

AFEH:

Even though I was raised as a christian I strayed away when I got married. My father turned his back on me because my husband was catholic and as he put it, it would end in divorce. I never payed him any attention. So I went on with my life. I believe if I had God in my life throughout my whole marriage I would have done things differently and I would have felt differently. I don't know why I did the things I did knowing that I was wrong. But if I only knew that my actions would lead to this I would have never or I would have stopped myself, but only God knows what he is doing.

Since our separation I have come closer to God and he has given me peace and I am learning to forgive myself and him. I also believe that God led this happen so that I can truly see the depth of my action and to come back to him. It has been very hard for me to understand all of this and I am still in the process. 

I never meant for things to end like this, and after everything that has happen I still believe that God will bring him back a change man. I dont know why I feel this way, if everything is leading to the opposite, but in my heart I know and I have faith that God will reunite us someday. 

I still have much to learn about this whole process and I ask God everyday to help me understand this.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Gary Chapman has a book titled "Hope for the Separated". It would be perfect for you.


Thanks I will look it up right now =)


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Hey Prelude,
I’m eclectic. I take lessons from different “teachers” focused on a particular need at a moment in time in my life. It does set me apart a bit as I’m not a member of a flock but maybe it also helps me to be more tolerant of other’s belief systems. Are all Catholics bad people, are all Muslims bad people? Are all Christians bad people? If the answer is yes then surely that’s prejudice and along with prejudice comes persecution.
Bob


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