# Lost the Spark



## inneedof (Apr 28, 2011)

Up and down go my emotions for the last year and a half. I don't know how to get on track. I have lost all the emotion and spark for my husband. Background...married for 16 years, 2 kids. We are not a "lovey dovey" couple to start with. Last year I turned 40 and lost a lot of weight. Now he is all about the "lovey dovey" and I am not happy to oblige. We have tried to turn things around over and over again...even started the 30 days of sex advice I have heard...made it through about 4 days before I complained and ruined it. (You are not supposed to complain...always just do it with a good attitude.)

I think back and try to focus on why I feel in love with him in the first place...hard worker, strong body, very manly...now he says he won't ever look like that again (or try to) and the manly part seems to fade with that. This is so unfair to him, since I was the one who gained the weight in the marriage and therefore put the sex on hold for years because of it. Now I changed and expect him to as well. And he is not fat just not muscular anymore.

I know he likes the way I look and says that I am great mom/housewife, but he doesn't put any romance into our relationship. His idea of initiating sex is "Are you in the mood?" If I say no, he gets extremely defensive...went a whole week without speaking to me last time. So now I give in and feel horrible the whole time. And he is also disgusted I don't initiate...ever. Well, guess what, I don't want too!

I said we should seek some help...he said no ... why do we need that? How do I explain how I am feeling without truly hurting him. I know I have to talk to him about this more, but I am at a loss as to what to say. 

I read the "woman-up" posts and think, that is what I have to do. Plenty of woman stick with their man even when they don't want to...I just need to suck it up. But I am only 40. And now I desperately want to feel love and romance. I am ready for it finally. 

This whole thing makes me sound selfish and crappy, but I really needed to just say it.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

If you want your husband to act more lovingly towards you, you have to be loving. You can't be cold and unapproachable and expect him to break down the wall. You have to open the door for him to do the things you want him to do. 

If you want him to love you and romance you, you have to be the kind of woman who a man would want to do that for. You know what I mean?


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

My first thought is, yes, you do need to suck it up. Go back to the 30 days _without complaining._ Why would you want to cop out after just 4 days? Go back to initiating, even you don't feel like it. Let him know what turns you on and try to get back to enjoying sex with him. From what you describe here, it doesn't sound like he has done much wrong other then getting a bit flabby, which happens with age. That's not something to punish him for, and it sounds like you know this because you admit to being unfair and that you feel selfish and crappy about it.


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