# Do men who aren’t interested do this ?



## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

…


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s because you’re so sexy he can’t help himself.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Only he knows. Ask him.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Becky_dime said:


> So if left a guy on read for 3 days after he apologized to me. 3 days later he texts me asking how I am? Why would he reach back out even though I left him on read 3 days ago and didn’t reach out to him? Especially with a man with a lot of options?


Because men pursue? Did you make it clear you weren't interested? Or did you think leaving him on read would be enough of a hint? Because for men, often if it isn't crystal clear, they'll think the door is still open.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Maybe he was giving you space, maybe he was banging half the town and has circled back to you, maybe, maybe, maybe. Only he knows.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

DO you like this man @Becky_dime or do you want him to go away? Leaving somebody on read is not clear communication. 

He reached out presumably because he wants to talk to you. When that means his interested in you romantically, just wants to be friends or is trying to ascertain if you died & your home is about to go on the market cannot be determined from what little info you posted. 

So it comes back to what you want. If you want something, talk to him. If you want him to buzz off, tell him that but more politely.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Damn. I just saw all of your other threads you've started. 

I see that you are still very young, but it sounds like you are stuck between wanting a decent, quality man and also wanting to go out there and play "the game". If you deal with men (especially men near your age) that also enjoy playing the game, you will most likely get burned and then come back here asking more similar questions. I'm leaning towards what Bobert said here. He's probably playing his options (you said he's in that group of males that has options) and he's getting around to casting his bait back onto you to see if you'll bite. 

Go for it. Or don't. Up to you. 

I certainly can't tell you if dating around is good for you or finding a monogamous relationship is the way to go. To each their own. I just think you should spend some time and figure out what you want because it sounds like you are stuck in between wanting both.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bloody 'read' status.

This is why I like to read sh-t on the notifications bar and clear it without opening the app.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

D0nnivain said:


> Leaving somebody on read is not clear communication.


Its very clear. Someone leaves me on read they won't be hearing from me again.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

im curious what read means in this context. i am aware that is most likely is a stupid question as i have not been in dating mode since 2004


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

frusdil said:


> Its very clear. Someone leaves me on read they won't be hearing from me again.


I barely know what "leave on read" means but to me, I would assume they were busy. I don't expect people to get back to me instantaneously & anybody who expects me to drop everything & get back to them, needs to learn patience or leave my life because I don't want that stress / pressure. I will get back to the person when I have a minute & that might take 3 days because if I am only communicating through text & some app, that person doesn't mean that much to me to begin with so it's obnoxious that they expect priority treatment. If I care that much about someone they will know my phone # & will call me using the voice feature.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

What does "leave on read" mean?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It means the person read the text and hasn’t yet responded.

They could be ignoring you or busy or forgot or who knows what.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

found it









6 Things to Know About Being Left on Read


Put your phone down, bestie!




www.cosmopolitan.com





thanks everone


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My phone has the ability to shut “read” off. I use it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Openminded said:


> It means the person read the text and hasn’t yet responded.
> 
> They could be ignoring you or busy or forgot or who knows what.


Exactly.

Why the f would one have to respond right away? Especially if you aren't in a relationship with that person, you wouldn't expect constant communication, would you? A few days seems normal, to me. 

Who has the time to respond right away to everyone they have a text conversation started with? You'd be on your phone in an endless loop.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Sfort said:


> What does "leave on read" mean?


It means OP is a playa also


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

frusdil said:


> Its very clear. Someone leaves me on read they won't be hearing from me again.


But sometimes we only have time to read and not enough time to respond, also sometimes folk need to think and digest what was said 😦


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## green_eyed_girl (9 mo ago)

Letting a message seen for days means nothing, at least how I see it. A person can take their time to answer. Maybe he sees it this way. 
I sometimes let people’s messages seen if i’m busy. I see no need for urgency


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## green_eyed_girl (9 mo ago)

green_eyed_girl said:


> Letting a message seen for days means nothing, at least how I see it. A person can take their time to answer. Maybe he sees it this way.
> I sometimes let people’s messages seen if i’m busy. I see no need for urgency


It also depends if the last message is not a question there’s no need to reply.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Becky_dime said:


> So if left a guy on read for 3 days after he apologized to me. 3 days later he texts me asking how I am? Why would he reach back out even though I left him on read 3 days ago and didn’t reach out to him? Especially with a man with a lot of options?


This could be his tactic to keep you hooked to him. He is a man with a lot of options as per your disclosure. He might be talking to multiple women and this is why he is not very responsive to you. Do you want to compete with so many women for limited attention and crumbs thrown your way?

Make up your mind about him. 

If you get the impression that he does not have much time for you (or want to take things foward with you) then cut him off, and move on. Continue to explore your options, and find a man who treats you right.

To give you some perspective: I have NOT promptly responded to every message that I have received from other people in different apps. I am busy and not very active on every social media platform (apps). But I am NOT dating women either (married). I would be responsive to women otherwise. I would be particularly responsive to a woman that I like very much and regard her as being worth my time. I was responsive to my wife before our marriage, and continue to be.

It is important to be realistic and understanding as well. If a man does not respond to you within 24 hours, ask him if he is alright. If he *repeats* this behavior several times then he is NOT much into you. Then you can decide about him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Gee. "Giving someone space" is now a _bad_ thing? Who knew?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Its very clear. Someone leaves me on read they won't be hearing from me again.


I don't even know what this phrase means. I feel old.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Becky_dime said:


> So if left a guy on read for 3 days after he apologized to me. 3 days later he texts me asking how I am? Why would he reach back out even though I left him on read 3 days ago and didn’t reach out to him? Especially with a man with a lot of options?


Texting takes very little effort. You’re likely not the only one he’s texting. If he called you, or asked to meet up, that would show more effort. But a guy disappearing and coming back with random “hey, how are you” texts doesn’t mean much. The question is, why are you so consumed with a guy who treats you like you’re just another option?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> Texting takes very little effort. You’re likely not the only one he’s texting. If he called you, or asked to meet up, that would show more effort. But a guy disappearing and coming back with random “hey, how are you” texts doesn’t mean much. The question is, why are you so consumed with a guy who treats you like you’re just another option?


He apologized to her (she didn't say for what) and SHE is the one who didn't reply to him after he apologized. Then, HE reached out again. 

He's the one making contact effort, not her.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Laurentium said:


> I don't even know what this phrase means. I feel old.


Not responding to someone’s text immediately is apparently a sin (according to my grandchildren). It’s ridiculous (IMO). But that’s their generation.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

That's why I always say if you really want to reach me you better call. I'm not a slave to the phones chirps and beeps to check messages or emails.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Openminded said:


> Not responding to someone’s text immediately is apparently a sin


Doesn't that depend what the text says? If I text you "the house is on fire" and you read it, I'd expect a prompt response. If my message is "what a lovely day", an urgent response seems less necessary?

BUT, I suspect for the youngsters, texting takes the place of speech. So not replying is like I spoke to you and you just "blanked" me? To me, texting is not speech. 

I've noticed this occasionally in couples. One of them is telling me "_so I said to her...._", and suddenly I catch on and ask, "did you actually _say_ this to her, or is this _texting?_" and it turns out to be texting. I try telling them not to have important, emotional conversations via text, but they just think I'm crazy. "What, actually point our faces towards each other and make sounds? Forget it, grand-dad."


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Laurentium said:


> BUT, I suspect for the youngsters, texting takes the place of speech. So not replying is like I spoke to you and you just "blanked" me? To me, texting is not speech.


Yes, that’s true.😄 They prefer text for everything and they expect a quick response (I get texts from my grandchildren with question marks if I haven’t replied as soon as they think I should — which is usually an hour).


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Not responding to someone’s text immediately is apparently a sin (according to my grandchildren). It’s ridiculous (IMO). But that’s their generation.


It’s also the modern way of playing hard to get. Much like years ago when you got a phone number and you didn’t call for 3 days or whatever. It’s all playing games which the OP seems to be doing as well. You know, read the text but don’t let him know you’ve actually read it. Stupid game playing.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I don't know what's going on these days, but I think that for humans the level of stupidity has reached new levels. 

It's amazing how someone can "fall in love" with someone that hasn't been met. It's all been through the internet.
Amazing, isn't it?

Amazing that they sent you a text, and are ready to kill you or commit suicide if you haven't answered by the next 10 seconds. What's wrong with these people?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

A plate he was spinning dropped and now he has an opening.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Livvie said:


> He apologized to her (she didn't say for what) and SHE is the one who didn't reply to him after he apologized. Then, HE reached out again.
> 
> He's the one making contact effort, not her.


I believe she shared in another thread that this is the same guy who sounds like he’s playing games.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

..


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Becky_dime said:


> He has asked me on two dates one of them was a day in advance in which I was busy the next day so I declined. Then he asked me out the next week on the same day only hours in advance in which I I was busy so I declined


Is this the same guy that you mentioned seems to have a lot of “options?”


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Is this the same guy that you mentioned seems to have a lot of “options?”


Yes


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

He ghosted me it’s been 5 days


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

There's your answer. After 5 days, he's not interested. Take that as your closure. Write him off & move on.


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## Layla96_Life (7 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Only he knows. Ask him.


honestly this is the best answer i've seen so far it's so simple but so efficient


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

..


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Of course he never responded. You shot him down for a 3rd time. Your answer was passive aggressive at best. If you truly wanted to date him he never got that message because you come off an uninterested. You treat him like he's beneath you & that you are annoyed by him. You just keep rejecting him & rejecting him. A better response would have been "I'm sorry I have plans that day but I'm free on Tuesday (whatever day you were free). What did you have in mind?" You kicked the guy in the ego again. How many times do you expect the poor guy to come crawling back for you to keep s h 1 t t 1 n g all over him? Leave the guy alone. 

If you are truly remorseful pick & genuinely want to spend time with him. pick up the phone & you ask him out on a date that you plan & pay for since you are the one asking. 

If you are unwilling to do that, put this poor man out of his misery & stop playing with his emotions. At this point you are being cruel. Do you not understand that? Your little playing hard to get game has gone too far. Cut it out.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

..


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Nope You are blaming him for your word choice which indicated that you wanted him to buzz off The ball is in your court. He's done


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> Nope You are blaming him for your word choice which indicated that you wanted him to buzz off The ball is in your court. He's done


I apologized


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Becky_dime said:


> I apologized


That's too bad. You had nothing to apologize for and you don't trust yourself. If you are hurt in early days, walk.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

harperlee said:


> You had nothing to apologize for and you don't trust yourself. If you are hurt in early days, walk.


She declined his invitations 3x but never explained why or gave him hope that it was the timing not the company. Yes, she needed to apologize. She also needs to be clearer in her communications. 

When you get asked out at the last minute but have enough self respect to decline such invitations, the better response is "I would have loved to go but I'm already doing something. If you would have given me more notice it would have been fun." That is a vastly different answer than just no.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Becky_dime said:


> So if left a guy on read for 3 days after he apologized to me.


Oops, we're off to a bad start. Why is this guy apologizing? When someone is hurting you early days, walk.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

Update he reached out.


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

Becky_dime said:


> Update he reached out.


Do you like playing games with people, or do you think this kind of evasive back-and-forth texting is normal (for some reason)?

It's not clear from your posts. 

If you like him and want some sort of relationship to come out of this, wouldn't you rather just ask him to call (or call him) and discuss this all like two adults and gauge his interest that way?

If he doesn't answer (because he's also not a functional adult) THEN send him a text and explain you guys aren't communicating well, and want to just have a quick conversation? 

the benefit of an actual conversation is it's a quick way to see if you might have any chemistry together.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

..


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Becky_dime said:


> After I declined his dates 3 times! Why do you still think he reached out after weeks of us not talking?


You need a mind reader, not a forum.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Becky_dime said:


> After I declined his dates 3 times! Why do you still think he reached out after weeks of us not talking?


Perhaps he finds you attractive (if he has seen your photos or more), and one of the better options for him to tap and see if he has a shot at a relationship with you?

Why not date him and find out?

If you are seeking a relationship with a man (or marriage) then be honest with him and tell him when you go out with him. His responses will be very telling.

If you do not want to burden him with your expectations in your 1st date then continue to date him and see if a relationship can develop organically between the two of you. Slowly but surely convey your expectations to him to clear any ambiguity and make sure that the two of you are on the same page to move forward.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> Why do you still think he reached out after weeks of us not talking?


*WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM???? * Jeesh!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I'm still trying to figure out what keeping someone on read means.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I'm still trying to figure out what keeping someone on read means.


It means you saw/read their message and haven't responded. These days some apps can indicate when a person opened/read the message.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

as your talking about men on the internet , most people seem to act in a way that has no resemblance to how they act in real life but even in real life some men fish with a big net 

some are so bad that they just make out a cover note of responses that they send out to all women like a copier and paste type response in the hope some woman will bite


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> *WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM???? * Jeesh!


there's that option as well.

Another thing she's not considering: it costs $0.00 and maybe 2 or 3 seconds of time to send a text. 

People sit on their phones all day... for a single guy, texting a woman - or a bunch of women - if/when you get bored (or horny) to see if any of them are feeling the same way as you is a pretty low level of commitment. It's not really indicative of any sort of deeper romantic interest. Though it could, I suppose. That's why you need to pick up the phone and talk to see. 

of course, if one wasn't interested, or is looking for a more serious level of commitment, the easiest way to address it is to just BLOCK the numbers of persistent text messagers.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Becky_dime said:


> After I declined his dates 3 times! Why do you still think he reached out after weeks of us not talking?


Did he ask you you out again or did he just reach out?


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

uwe.blab said:


> Did he ask you you out again or did he just reach out?


He just reached out. If you private message me on her I can tell you what he said


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Becky_dime said:


> He just reached out. If you private message me on her I can tell you what he said


Why not post it here?


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Becky_dime said:


> He just reached out. If you private message me on her I can tell you what he said


is it unkind?


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Why not post it here?


I would be everyone judges me so ???


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

uwe.blab said:


> is it unkind?


No not at all


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Becky_dime said:


> I would be everyone judges me so ???


We're not "judging" you but we're telling you we cannot answer your questions about other people. If YOU don't know what's on their minds - and you're in direct communication with these people - what makes you think WE would know what they're thinking?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

My uncle does that. The man divorced years ago and, once a free agent, he was dated all these women and took them out to dinner. Sometimes it worked out and others didn’t. The ones that did not want to have a second date with him he’d always ensure to break it off amicably by saying something like “I understand. Well, I thank you for taking the time to have dinner with me… as a farewell gift, and just for personal growth, could you tell me what I could’ve done better… be as brutal as you like.” And the ladies would give him tips on what to do better. He’d always end it with “well, again, appreciate your time and you accepting this date. You already have my number, if you ever need anything (moving to a new place, someone to confide with or to go to the gym) feel free to contact me.” And, from what he told me, most would call him back for all sorts of things, and those favors were always returned in kind.

The man is a 4 and his current GF is an 8 (his ex was a 4). They’ve been happily together for 4 years now.


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

.:


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Becky_dime said:


> Aww that’s beautiful!
> So him saying “I appreciate you always to me “
> means what ?


Huh?


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## Becky_dime (12 mo ago)

..


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