# Should i go?!



## LoveSucker (Jul 26, 2013)

I am turning 21 december this year and i got married just after turning 19. from engagement ny husband and i faced huge problems. My father didn't support me getting married so we had no wedding and behind his back we took both our mom's and got married. My dad disowned me. I was a varsity student and that was the end of it. I did it because i loved my husband and i believed in our relationship. 

We have no kids as yet thankfully because i feel our relationship is not one i would want my kids to grow up in and he feels the same coz we both come from fairly dysfunctional families. (Him more than me though). I am considering divorce because i do not feel loved by him. This is because he only shows love to me when he is happy and when he is not he shows the total opposite so how do i really know what he feels. 

After having sacrificed my whole life for our marriage, when he's angry he has the audacity to tell me that im not a wife, that his mom was right about me, that he wish he hadn't married me and i should go back home and he Doesnt treasure our marriage.

Im not perfect but i do know that no matter how angry i am at him there's a line that i just should not cross to mantain love and respect and care. Im broken inside. Im embarrased at having given up so much for seemingly nothing. I don't even know where to start if i divorce him. But i am not happy and do not feel loved or atleast respected. hes a good guy when hes good and i do think his upbringing makes him act the way he does but i have tolerated it for too long and just cant anymore. 

Am i being ridiculous?


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## Spinner (Jul 26, 2013)

I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. He sounds like a manic depressive loser. I'd encourage you to try to work it out with marital counseling first, but if it doesn't help or he's not willing to go, I'd get on with your life.


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## LoveSucker (Jul 26, 2013)

We've consulted with good older couples before and elders from church. I took a long while before there was progress and change but I finally saw it about a month ago. But now he's back at it and it's just emotionally draining. Everytime we talk about something I know it won't end well. Plus I really hate how he can say all those hurtful things to me but never try to make up for it in any way, even with words of reassurance and love. I have to argue an apology out of him.
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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Are you only relying on people in you church for counsel? Do the two of you have access to non-religious counseling? You said that both of you came from dysfunctional families. It is likely that this affected both of you in your choice of each other. 

Before you have children together, the two of you need to decide if you are *both* willing to commit to the work it will take to look at the messages you got growing up, see how that's affecting your relationship now, and work to overcome that. 

If he is not willing to see how big of a problem this is, and how it's hurting you, then IMO, you really have no choice but to leave if you want to have a decent life. Once you start having kids, it will be that much more difficult to leave. He has already told you he doesn't treasure his marriage, and he certainly isn't loving you as you deserve.

You must love yourself above all. It's not evil or selfish. Since you are religious, I assume you believe you are a creation of God. Therefore, you are wonderful, and you deserve to be treated that way.


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## LoveSucker (Jul 26, 2013)

Thank you both for your advice. I really do appreciate it. Its comforting to know somebody somewhere cares. I'll suggest marriage counselling to him and also get some for myself.
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