# Still feeling betrayed



## Jwos (Jun 21, 2013)

Approximately 2 months ago my husband of 3 and a 1/2 years went out of town, 9 hours away for an annual business trip. Upon his return home, everything was normal as usual until maybe 2 weeks later. That's when I started noticing the distance, the irritability, constantly having his cell phone glued to his hand. Taking it with him to the bathroom, keeping it in his pajama pocket, never putting it down. Half jokingly I started accusing him of having a girlfriend. Of course he would brush it off and laugh about it. Then it happened, 2 weeks ago, as he was lying on the couch I saw his cell phone beside of him. I took a sudden impulse and grabbed the phone turning it on, but before he could swipe it from me I saw it. There was the name of a girl I didn't recognize, she had just sent MY husband a text message. He played off taking the phone away as not wanting me to mess something up and offered to show me what ever I wanted. I simply walked away and went straight to Facebook. Where I found her, on his friends list, stating she lived in the town he had just previously visited for work. A desk clerk at the hotel he stayed at, 12 years his junior. Obviously I was sick, my worst fears had come true. While I was at home trying to work full time, keep a house and take care of our 6 month old son, he was off doing God knows what, with a 22 year old little girl. So I confronted him, he denied it until I pressed harder. Then of course he played the "just friends" card. The past 2 weeks have been a blur, a few days after the initial finding I came home from work, logged on to his computer and found over 4000 private messages they had exchanged over the past 6 weeks. Mostly him complaining to her about me, how unappreciative I was, how his love for me was unreciprocated. What hurt the worse was her requests for his cuddles and how she would never do the things I did to him, and him agreeing, calling her amazing and wonderful, all the while I was sitting across the room from him , trying to console a screaming infant. He finally deleted her number from his phone but still continues to keep her as a Facebook friend. Although I asked him several times to delete that as well. Things are getting better between us, we talk more and try to spend as much time together as we can. I still just know how to trust him and wonder if I ever will. How do I get him to cut that final tie he has with her?


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

He's chatting with her using a facebook app on his phone... a game or something. The "love for me was unreciprocated" part.. that must be how he loves you, texting and cuddling with other women. Tell him you can't trust him as long as he thinks a Facebook account (aka his girlfriends contact method) is more important than your marriage. Don't just ask that he delete it, things are NOT getting better between you, it's an illusion.

Google "Affair Fog" and "Affair cake eater".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jwos said:


> He finally deleted her number from his phone but still continues to keep her as a Facebook friend.


No dice. ANY contact he has with her is still cheating, including having her as "friend" on Facebook.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

FB hel*. My advice is to get a joint FB account. No separate ones. He has not come clean and is not letting go.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> FB hel*. My advice is to get a joint FB account. No separate ones. He has not come clean and is not letting go.


/\
| This

Keeping a former affair partner on FB is a dealbreaker. Who in their right mind would think that's acceptable. Oh, yeah, a cheater.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Jwos said:


> He finally deleted her number from his phone but still continues to keep her as a Facebook friend. Although I asked him several times to delete that as well. Things are getting better between us, we talk more and try to spend as much time together as we can. I still just know how to trust him and wonder if I ever will. How do I get him to cut that final tie he has with her?


You tell him you are talking to a lawyer tomorrow morning if he doesn't do it. And mean it.
It's what it is, she's gone forever... or divorce.

Also demand full transparence from now on and a full disclosure of what was going on.

On his back put in place every snooping tool at hand (keylogger, spyware in the ohone, VARs, etc).


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Forget joint FB account, his deleting it will be a step to show her he's really making an effort not just playing her. FB really isn't that important... 

Everyone is so freaking happy all the time... I try to keep up.

“’Found an interesting rock on the way to the liquor store. Got through a whole night without crying.’ 

Then I have to like it two hours later because no one else will.”

(got that from Comedy Central Dan St. Germain)


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Are you confident that this has not gone physical after reading through all those messages? That this is the first time? Hopefully.

At any rate he's having at least an EA, and that's cheating.

You need to insist that he send her a no-contact letter that you review and mail yourself. No sentimental send off, just to the point, and including how he values his marriage. Of course he deletes her from facebook. 

Not only that, you insist on complete transparency. He gives up all his passwords, doesn't delete texts, accounts for his time, stops messaging with female friends and shows remorse for what he did.

Then check his computer, cell phone and cell phone records for compliance. If he refuses to do all these things, do the 180 on him (find the link), and talk to a lawyer about proceeding with D. This is a serious betrayal and there must be consequences for him. If not, the EA is likely to continue underground or another one will replace it in the future.

Check back with us on his reactions. You'll get a lot of good advice from people who have experience in dealing with this.

Sorry you're here.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

My opinion is to either take the kids and leave or tell him to. Take 60-90 days away from him and once you have enough alone time, determine what you want to do. During that time he is to pay you $1,000/mo child support.

If it's to try and reconcile, he has to come clean-110% to your satisfaction or the marriage is off. He is to show you every email, every text, every fb post... and fully confess. Then, contact the hotel and ask them if all their desk clerks service customers and name her by name. Ask for an accountability letter from the hotel or you will file suit against them. 

Also, expose both of them fully on fb... If she is married, demand your husband call him and confess their betrayal.

After that, place him on a very short lease for about............... 40 years or so.


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