# What?



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

A couple of years ago, our children asked me what kind of car I'd have if I could have any car I wanted. I had no idea. I've been in mom/practical wife mode for so long all my own desires have been about what is best for the family as a whole, not just for me.

Since I am almost an empty nester, I have had time to think about what I want. I recently purchased 2 Peruvian Inca Orchid/Peruvian Hairless Dogs. Mine have the recessive coated gene. I chose them because of their personality, bonding to their owner, intelligence, desire to please and lack of aggression, although they are leary of strangers. I fly to pick them up and bring them home next week.

So with the dogs, I realized that now I actually have a dream car, a Jeep, so I can take them everywhere with me, go to nice mountain hiking areas, pull my tiny trailer (that I don't own yet), etc. Finally I have dream of my own again!

I shared my dream car idea with my husband, and immediately he suggested I consider a Pathfinder. I was instantly shocked that he wanted to control my DREAM. It is just a DREAM, and he couldn't leave it alone.

Is is just me, or is someone immediately shooting down your dream and suggesting you do something else, very strange and controlling?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you ever drive a jeep? how about a pathfinder?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

No, I haven't driven either. The Jeep idea was just a beginning. Once I actually start shopping I will be flexible to find the best one for me. I just thought that what he did by immediately suggesting a different car showed how little he respects me and my desires.

If I had dreamt of getting a black and white Paint horse and he suggested a quarterhorse it would have been equally strange. It is a DREAM. Dreams are personal.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Maybe just trying to be helpful, and the need to possibly having a thought of knowing best.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Adelais said:


> No, I haven't driven either. The Jeep idea was just a beginning. Once I actually start shopping I will be flexible to find the best one for me. I just thought that what he did by immediately suggesting a different car showed how little he respects me and my desires.
> 
> If I had dreamt of getting a black and white Paint horse and he suggested a quarterhorse it would have been equally strange. It is a DREAM. Dreams are personal.


People do what he did pretty often. I agree with Tilted 1 that he was most likely just trying to be helpful.

Most of all I would not make a big deal out of it. Just do what you want to do. If you focus on this, you are letting him fill your head. It's not worth it.

It might be a good idea to drive both vehicles and see which handles in a manner that you like. 

Do you do off roading? Or do you plan to?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Adding... now if he keeps pushing it, I'd just tell him something like "Hey, it's my dream. I'll figure it out."


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Some of those Jeep's with the short wheel base do tend to be bouncier though, but living in a higher populated area the Pathfinder may consume more fuel. And if in has all wheel drive handles better in snow, and think about tow capacity weightwise, and the larger the tire size more$$$, but which ever has best crash rating may have the edge.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Is he controlling in general?

But also, this is awesome and I can’t wait to hear what you buy and all the stories about you and your dogs on adventures.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> Maybe just trying to be helpful, and the need to possibly having a thought of knowing best.


Curious for men’s thoughts...if this is the case (the second part), how do you propose women should respond to that?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@Adelais when someone says “Jeep” to me I don’t necessarily think about the make. A lot of people consider all suv’s or 4X4 vehicles to be “Jeep’s”.
My wife drives a Lexus suv and we both refer to it as the “Jeep”.
I think you’re being a little over sensitive here to be honest. 
Good luck with the dogs, they don’t require too much walking anyway. 

Edit: I’ve just asked a friend of mine this question. “ If I said the word Jeep what would you think of”. She said probably a Landcruiser or a Landrover. And these are three completely different car companies.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Curious for men’s thoughts...if this is the case (the second part), how do you propose women should respond to that?


I would say: thanks for your suggestion, dear, but I think I've made my mind up and I'm definitely going to get a Jeep...


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Adelais said:


> I shared my dream car idea with my husband, and immediately *he suggested I consider* a Pathfinder. I was instantly shocked that he wanted to control my DREAM. It is just a DREAM, and* he couldn't leave it alone.*


My dearest Adelais, I love you like a sister, but Hubby is right. 

First bolded quote....doesn't sound like the language of a control freak.

Second bolded quote....sorta, kinda controlling, but I see it more as him trying to steer you away from a regretful decision. If money is no object for you guys, get the Jeep, but know that they are an unreliable, gas guzzling monstrosity that love to spend time at the dealer getting fixed. The Toyota's have an excellent reputation. I'm not even a car guy and I know this, I assume he does too. 

BTW, those dogs sound cool, are you going all the way to Peru to get them?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Buying a bad car can be a very expensive curse. Two of the worst cars I've ever owned were Jeep Cherokees. But that was a long time ago. They might be good cars now. Most new cars are good, from what I've read. It sounds to me like he was trying to be helpful. Just explain your dream to him and tell him how you want to do this yourself. Then tell him that Nissans have the worst transmissions of any new cars.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Curious for men’s thoughts...if this is the case (the second part), how do you propose women should respond to that?


You know I don't make or take it personally I offer up what I know and if they use it ok, but sometimes if they didn't know they become frustrated on their choice. I drive a truck with all what I stated ( and I like it) but I like it if someone wants a car ride in a sub compact 4wheel dr. And it's not only bumpy but uses a lot of fuel. They are not happy with it because it wasn't what they expected. 

And the cost if repair is their as well, but again if anyone repairs their own stuff knows things that someone just drives. No hidden agenda on my part just maybe he was trying to do the same. I don't know either if them, so if his personality is the for the reasons I stated or if he's controlling the outcome.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Adelais said:


> No, I haven't driven either. The Jeep idea was just a beginning. Once I actually start shopping I will be flexible to find the best one for me. I just thought that what he did by immediately suggesting a different car showed how little he respects me and my desires.
> 
> If I had dreamt of getting a black and white Paint horse and he suggested a quarterhorse it would have been equally strange. It is a DREAM. Dreams are personal.


If you'd told me your dream while we were chatting in line at the bank I'd have immediately suggested the same. Not to be some controlling rando, but because I know dogs and cars. I have long loved the _idea_ of a Jeep, but I know too many people who own or have owned various models and had some joy, but equal or more pain. They're surprisingly delicate and temperamental for a vehicle that's supposed to be a sturdy off-roader. I'd be thinking "This nice lady has a lovely dream, but if she doesn't know about Jeeps she might see her dream turn to nightmare."


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Yes I know exactly what you are saying. I think I put it something like. It's my job to plan every date and every vacation, and she tries to change every single thing I plan. But, it is stopping. I think a major turning point was when I told her I was going for a long weekend in Wyoming. And if she wanted to join me she should let me know and arrange her schedule to be there. This year we are going down to Texas. I need a couple of days of beach walking. After she finally got her vacation days approved she hasn't said a thing about the plans. 

I hesitate to make any suggestions, because I know exactly how you are feeling. but, when you get to buying camping gear check out campsavers.com .


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Adelais said:


> A couple of years ago, our children asked me what kind of car I'd have if I could have any car I wanted. I had no idea. I've been in mom/practical wife mode for so long all my own desires have been about what is best for the family as a whole, not just for me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I wouldn't automatically assume it was shooting down a dream. For him, he's probably hearing you express a dream goal of the activities, with the thought of a vehicle to facilitate that, and is then suggesting another vehicle that might better facilitate the activity goals. He's focused on a different goal point, or didn't realize how vital the specific vehicle was towards instead of just a tool towards the goal.

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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So. guys ALWAYS have opinions on cars -- almost every guy I know does. I really think he was just trying to be helpful.
That being said, I just bought a Jeep Gladiator (Looks like a wrangler, but it's a pickup also...), and I LOVE IT.

It's an offroader, it's a pickup, it's a towing vehicle, and it's a convertible (the tops come off as do the doors).

They ride better than wranglers because they have a longer wheelbase. My wife was surprised at how nice it rode.
SO, go try one -- and try test driving a lot of different vehicles (TRY the pathfinder also -- why not)? ANY car these days is a LOT of money, so you really should try different ones to compare each....


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Adelais said:


> No, I haven't driven either. The Jeep idea was just a beginning. Once I actually start shopping I will be flexible to find the best one for me. I just thought that what he did by immediately suggesting a different car showed how little he respects me and my desires.
> 
> If I had dreamt of getting a black and white Paint horse and he suggested a quarterhorse it would have been equally strange. It is a DREAM. Dreams are personal.


Yes, dreams are personal, but in this case you are already moving on the dogs and are now telling him about a vehicle that may be a dream now, but may end up being a nightmare if you go with it. I don't think he's trying to destroy your dream. I think he's concerned about your next move and wants to make sure he lets you know his concerns before you have considered other options.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I think the key is 'he wouldn't let it go.' Maybe he does this a lot?

My son had lots of trouble with his Jeep's transmission. I loved my Pathfinder--made by Nissan incidentally. Now I drive a Lexus SUV--(Jeep to some). They all drive differently--you can dream all you want, but do research and test drive when your dream comes to fruition. Congrats on puppies and 'me dreams'.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

sunsetmist said:


> Now I drive a Lexus SUV--(Jeep to some).


Touché. :wink2:


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

sunsetmist said:


> I think the key is 'he wouldn't let it go.' Maybe he does this a lot?
> 
> My son had lots of trouble with his Jeep's transmission. I loved my Pathfinder--made by Nissan incidentally. *Now I drive a Lexus SUV*--(Jeep to some). They all drive differently--you can dream all you want, but do research and test drive when your dream comes to fruition. Congrats on puppies and 'me dreams'.


Well, if it's the Rx350 or hybrid, several of my wife's relatives helped build it in Cambridge, Ontario, lol


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Yup. Do I need wife's autograph?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

sunsetmist said:


> Yup. Do I need wife's autograph?


lol


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> No, I haven't driven either. The Jeep idea was just a beginning. Once I actually start shopping I will be flexible to find the best one for me. I just thought that what he did by immediately suggesting a different car showed how little he respects me and my desires.
> 
> If I had dreamt of getting a black and white Paint horse and he suggested a quarterhorse it would have been equally strange. It is a DREAM. Dreams are personal.


Jeeps suck, get a Pathfinder! :laugh:


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Honestly it sounds like he was trying to help your dream come true. Your dream was a vehicle to take your dogs with you everywhere and to go on hikes. And the reality of the dream is that Jeeps suck and are uncomfortable. The happiest days of my husband’s life were when he bought his Wrangler and when he traded it in. 

But this isn’t about a brand of vehicle obviously. You are feeling what? Unheard, diminished, incapable?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I must say this for emphasis, I sometimes have to say something to my wife more than once just to get my point across. 

It's because she is a individual, with her own ideas but because one of her friends has a car that she chose, anf hasn't a clue or maybe they got lucky but relys on me to keep it running. Is where my point must be given a consideration.

But it's never taken as such, I would rather get a higher end SUV than a cute one.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Congrats on the pups!

I don't think your husband was trying to control your dream, not at all. I think he was trying to help you, albeit unwanted, lol.

PS Jeeps suck, don't get one.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I see her point. But as a couple, not seeing this as a consideration, but a dream killer is raising eyebrows. If he was berating your dream, then that is one thing. But just throwing out a suggestion is harmless. 


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I'm baaack! Thank you all for your replies, opinions, advice. Living with 2 pups (5 months old now) is like having 2 toddlers at the same time!!

With the passage of time, I agree with most of you that my husband was not shooting down my dream, he was encouraging it, and wanting to help me keep it very positive by steering me away from the Jeep brand, probably for all the reasons stated here.

I'm not stuck on the Jeep brand, I just want something that can go off road, but upon further research, I definitely want the automobile to be a comfortable ride, and quiet for highway and in town usage, which I will be doing more of. Not sure if I want a compact or mid size combo car/suv. A must is that it needs to be quiet inside: low tire/road noise, low wind noise, etc. Also low maintainance and low cost when it needs repairs is also important and good gas mileage.

I love my dogs!!! They are an amazing breed, and are perfect for me. I didn't have to go to Peru for them, found someone in the USA who had a litter. My daughter and I flew there to get them before the virus really took hold, and before flights were limited. I got two brothers. They have different personalities from each other and are also have different coat colors and textures. I'm learning how to train them to treat me like the alpha dog, so they will be better behaved. I have a lot to learn, but they are already behaving better than any dogs my or my husband had growing up.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

So happy about the dogs. I know they're keeping you so busy. Post pics if you're so inclined. I'd love to see them. My boss bought a brand new Subaru Forester recently. Of course, he hasn't been able to take me for a joyride yet but he did drive by my house to show me. It looks super nice. I think it's one of the safest vehicles made and if I'm not mistaken, it can go off-road. Someone may have already mentioned this model.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

lucy999, In my research I have come back to the Subaru Forester time and time again. All wheel drive is something I'm not sure I'm excited about, because my husband said that when something goes wrong with that it is very expensive to repair. The only other drawback is the design of the windows. I forgot to mention that I want really good visibility when I'm inside the car. So many cars these days have the window design where the windows get smaller and smaller as they near the back of the car. I think that design reduces visibility and creates blind spots.

I'll post a picture of my pups when I figure out how to do it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Adelais said:


> lucy999, In my research I have come back to the Subaru Forester time and time again. All wheel drive is something I'm not sure I'm excited about, because my husband said that when something goes wrong with that it is very expensive to repair. The only other drawback is the design of the windows. I forgot to mention that I want really good visibility when I'm inside the car. So many cars these days have the window design where the windows get smaller and smaller as they near the back of the car. I think that design reduces visibility and creates blind spots.
> 
> I'll post a picture of my pups when I figure out how to do it.


I want to see these puppies too. In the reply box there’s a paper clip symbol, click on that and it will be self explanatory after that.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I own a 2018 Forester... best all around capable vehicle I have ever owned (and I have owned 3 Jeep Wranglers... an 87 YJ, a 90 YJ, and a 2003 TJ Rubicon)

I would never take my Forester "off-road" like my Jeeps, but it is very forest service road capable with the same ground clearance as the Cherokee (8.5") and the AWD design rocks as I can control the traction slippage when necessary.

If you want to carry dogs, it is a medium-sized dog carrier at best if more than one dog.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I was going to put them both in a large carrier. The clearance is definitely a consideration. I could also cover the back seat and put them there. I'm not excited about my car getting full of slobber, hair, etc. and that is why I thought about a large carrier in the back. Maybe no carrier, but just a barrier to keep them from going over the seats in front of them.

My Peruvian Inca Orchid "sons", Khuya and Mochi. Khuya means deep affection in the Mochica language. Mochi is short for Mochica, an ancient people group in Peru that revered this breed.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

@Emerging Buddhist I won't probably be going over boulders either, but I definitely want it to have good clearance on bad/washed out forest service roads. Thank you for sharing your experience. My husband suggested a Subaru Forester for me a few years ago, but I wasn't sure of my life in the future back then. I've since had a total disc replacement and removal of a couple of Morton's Neuromas in my feet and I can see myself being as active as I used to be again.

@Andy1001 thanks for telling me how to upload a photo. It is a lot easier now than on the old format. Now if I can just figure my way around the rest of this new format....


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Those are Forester sized dogs!


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Beautiful pups!!!!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

The pups are gorgeous. My pack is down to two, now, and they're seniors. I'm working on a puppy for my old man guardian breed to apprentice. DH is taking some persuading.

I absolutely love the barriers! I'd rather barrier my dogs in the back than try to wrestle a large or ex-large crate or two into just about any passenger vehicle.

When I last went new car shopping the Forrester was my top pick, but it was out of our budget. If it's an option for you then I think you might want to seriously consider it. As for 4WD, if we're talking washed out forest roads I'd say it's worth the possible repair expense.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I will second what @Emerging Buddhist said. I've owned a CJ, an Isuzu Trooper, a Nissan Pathfinder and a Subaru Forester. I tend to like manual transmissions. The CJ was good for a Husky and climbing boulders, and I literally drove it through forests where there was no road over trees--but in the city driving was not good. The Trooper felt more like a car than the Jeep did, in that I could putz around town in it so it was a pretty fun drive--but it didn't feel very 'rough and ready' to me. The Pathfinder could get you ANYWHERE, and I went anywhere with it, in one particular instance we were literally in the middle of nowhere on a FS road that curved around the side of a mountain, and it rained the night before soaking the ground so that the road gave way AS WE DROVE IT. It was like surfing on road! But the Pathfinder drives like a truck--shifting involved muscling the stick and I didn't love that. 

And then there was my Subaru...the perfect blend of feeling safe on any road condition within my driving abilities, and the comfort of a car. I'm in my later 50's...I don't want to have to wrestle the stick anymore. I prefer the manual transmission that glides smoothly, and a Subaru does. I've taken it on mountain roads, on FS rounds that are rocked in (you know...paved two lanes-down to paved one lane-down to roaded in), through snow and ice blizzard conditions, snow in the mountains. The only advantage I can think of is if you get a Jeep that's outfitted like the mililary you can drive through deeper water


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Thanks @MJJEAN for your opinion about the barrier. It probably won't rattle as much as a kennel either. What type of breed are you thinking of getting? What breed are your senior dogs?

@Affaircare, I'm pushing 60, and had a bad back for years until my TDR so I would rather not wrestle with a stick shift. It was painful to lift my leg and clutch before my surgery. I'm pain free now, WoHoooo!, but I don't know what the future holds, and I'm wanting a cushy drive, smooth, easy, quiet, as well as being able to go on bad roads if I want to. I don't think I'll drive over boulders, but if there were a car that was cushy and could also take boulders, I'd consider it. I did a 14er a few years back, and didn't make it all the way to the top because of my back a Morton's Neuroma. A daughter and I enjoyed exploring a meadow while the rest of the family kept going. There were people who drove farther than we did before they started their actual ascent on foot. I admired their cars and envied them!

Unless something more suitable is suggested or manufactured by the time I get my new vehicle, I will definitly begin my car-looking quest with the Subaru Forester.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Ok, last ones of my babies!


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Adorable!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Adelais said:


> Thanks @MJJEAN for your opinion about the barrier. It probably won't rattle as much as a kennel either. What type of breed are you thinking of getting? What breed are your senior dogs?


My seniors are an American Bulldog (my avatar) and a Pit. I want either a Dogue De Bordeaux or a Tibetan Mastiff. Realistically, I should probably start researching DDB breeders. That breed makes more sense in the 'burbs than a Tibetan and they're much easier to find. Plus, short fur is a bonus. I also want a lil buddy for my future big guy and have been thinking Rat Terrier, Staffy, Dachshund, or Bull Terrier. Leaning toward Doxie and Bull.


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