# How much does physique matter?



## abfab (Nov 10, 2009)

Another for the men - how important is it for your woman to look good physically? I'm a 30-something woman who wears a size 4 and would consider myself on the slender side. BUT I have kind of a flabby butt and legs which have not got prettier since having a baby. I do workout quite a bit and eat pretty healthy but can't seem to do much without starving myself. I know my husband loves toned women with tight butts and admires them constantly when we're out driving etc etc. Once, when I mentioned that we have sex much less frequently than we should, he brought up my extra cellulite so I presume that's a turnoff for him now?
I suppose I can answer my own question with a 'depends on the guy' right? SOme are more shallow (like my husband) while others look beyond the physical. ANy advice on how to turn him on despite my genetically-challenged rear end?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I'm not a man and I could care less what size someone is. What is attractive to me is a flat stomach on a man. More so if he has 
wide shoulders and strong arms.
With women a flat stomach is attractive too, more so if she has hips and a bustline much larger than her waist. 
People can be slim and look sickly and anorexic, so slim isn't cool... healthy is !
Looks matter.... beer bellys to me are pretty awful to look at. More so with slender people.

Some people only look at the physical and some don't. In marriage, you have to look at everything because thats what your getting ! everything, so choose wisely, your going to get it all !


My experience with men is:
you dont have to try to turn a man, getting naked usually does it.
 A woman has to be very careful leaving the shower, one glimpse of your naked body, he'll be turned on.. so RUN
from the shower to the bedroom and throw a robe on ! QUICK !
lol


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

For me, the packaging is nice but the product counts more. Sometimes my wife gets dolled up and wears the fishnets and the short skirt and we go out to eat and dessert is when we get home. Other times she's just in comfy sweats and she comes to sit next to me on the sofa and gets real close to warm up and slides up so she's sitting in my lap and we go from there. I like her all dolled up, but it's certainly not necessary.

Maybe what you could do is think of something he really likes to do in the sack, and tell him that's what you've got planned for the evening, and see if that doesn't overcome whatever resistance he's dealing with as your bodies change.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Shallow is right! Sorry - I just don't understand men sometimes. Isn't there more to being alive and human than our physical bodies. When you and he are in your 70s, will it really matter!


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## Andy1972 (Dec 3, 2009)

When a man loves a woman or visa versa. He could care less about the flab. I am over weight with an hourglass figure and very pale skinned, so cellulite is very visable, but when my husband and I are intimate he wants it all off and lights on, he says I am sexy. I believe that those are his true feelings. Lovemaking is in the heart and mind.
Don't change for your H. There is nothing wrong with you.


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## Ditajr (Nov 24, 2009)

I am not overweight by any means, but I am definately curvy...my husband doesn't seem to mind. And if he does, he hasn't ever voiced it. Things change after having a baby.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

@andy1972: about 3 or 4 years ago, I read a post (maybe on usenet, but I'm not sure now) by a woman who got into an argument with her husband about weight. She wrote something like "I said if he loved me it shouldn't matter what I look like. He asked if I loved him, and I said yes. Then he asked if that was enough to make his semen taste good. And I said no."

People like what they like, and love does not necessarily conquer all. It may not be the most romantic thing in the world, but it's the truth. My first wife was a good woman, and I loved her, and we still think of each other in friendly terms, but our marriage just couldn't survive our incompatibilities. Love does not conquer all.

Dunno if this'll help, but my brother told me he lost 20 pounds and has kept it off for the last two years doing something called (Googling...) "The Shangri-La Diet". If I understand, you trick your body into not being hungry by eating stuff that has calories but doesn't have any flavor. Apparently it takes a couple weeks to get used to it but after that you're just not very hungry.

I've never had a problem with my weight (I commute to work 4.5 miles by bicycle except when it rains), but my brother says the diet worked great for him.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

artieb said:


> @andy1972: about 3 or 4 years ago, I read a post (maybe on usenet, but I'm not sure now) by a woman who got into an argument with her husband about weight. She wrote something like "I said if he loved me it shouldn't matter what I look like. He asked if I loved him, and I said yes. Then he asked if that was enough to make his semen taste good. And I said no."
> 
> People like what they like, and love does not necessarily conquer all. It may not be the most romantic thing in the world, but it's the truth. My first wife was a good woman, and I loved her, and we still think of each other in friendly terms, but our marriage just couldn't survive our incompatibilities. Love does not conquer all.


SOOOO true.

Some women might say men are just "shallow" if weight matters, well by the same token the men might say the women are a "prude" if they won't do certain things in the bedroom.

Me personally weight isn't that big of a problem, until it gets out of hand.

My wife was a size 4 when we met, after 3 kids she got as big as a size 14, is now a size 10-12 and is still losing weight with the goal of a size 6 or 8. I have never said a word to her about her weight.

Now, if she had got to obese levels, we'd have a talk about her health, etc.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

My love for my wife is not based on her appearance. After our second child was born she did the typical thing of putting on weight - raising children is stressful and I understand that.

During her 15 month affair she lost that weight, dressed better, wore makeup and jewelry, smelled nice and even got a tatoo. She totally changed herself. I was thrilled. Too bad it wasnt for me....

The affair finally ended...I guess 16 months ago, wow. Anyway..in that time she has absolutely piled on the weight. Her health is going - she blew out her knees and had surgery, her back and feet hurt her too. It's sad. I'm not attracted to her sexually.

I feel that is in her control. If she wants to stay married, then I want her to prove it by working on her physical condition. This is not a shallow request by me and she knows it. She looked good for the other guy - and I want that. That's the bar. She needs to work to that goal.

This morning she told me she's lost five pounds recently. The girl really is working on it (even though I see her cheat on her diet).


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## triton1984 (Nov 20, 2009)

1st he should be more courteous of your feelings and not be checking out other women....especially in your presence. I make a total effort to never "check out" other women...that way I won't slip when my wife is around. I wouldn't want her checking out every ripped stud that passes by and feel she deserves same respect. 

I have been with wife 26 years...married 22. No idea what her size was when we got married but she was tiny.....22 years and 4 kids later and of course her body isn't what is was...nor is my body or head of hair.. but the sexual connection we have after these years is far greater than when we were in our prime physically. I am attracted to my wife's total package....stretch marks, bulges, cellulite and all.....


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## peacefully (Nov 13, 2009)

I didn't realize how important weight was to men until my Ex cheated and due to the grief and stress I lost weight.
Men are actually much NICER to me now (including my ExH). Not only do I receive more attention, but men are actually kinder to me, which has been a very big eye opener. I've talked with other people about this issue, and read threads on this site and others that confirm it: Men are mostly interested in thin, attractive women. Looks seem to be more valuable than a good personality or brains.
I didn't realize that I was so unattractive to men before. 
The sad thing is, I was much healthier when I weighed more. I was active and had energy and rarely came down with anything.
Now, I get sick all of the time and have no energy. However, I'm too scared to gain any of the weight back, so I don't eat nearly as healthily as I should.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

peacefully said:


> I didn't realize how important Men are mostly interested in thin, attractive women. Looks seem to be more valuable than a good personality or brains.



I think you are only half right here peacefully, and it would be equally true to state women are mostly interested in thin attractive men. Why have we gotten to a place in our society where it is bad to state the obvious? Physical attraction is an undeniable component of sexual charisma, as is intelligence, and as is general demeanor. Has a "cute" clinically depressed person ever got you "hot and bothered"? Probably not.

I personally could not imagine spending my life with someone who was an ice princess. Drop dead gorgeous is not enough to sustain a meaningful relationship for a partner...even with us "shallow" men. The mistake you make, is that you think men and women's needs are all that different. I for one, don't really think that they are. It's more of a difference along the lines of a papaya vs. a pineapple, rather than a alligator vs. a Buick. 

In closing peacefully, read some more of these posts and you will find that men and women essentially want the same things: love, respect, fidelity, companionship, sex, etc. We may take a slightly different route to get to the store based on our gender, but we are essentially "buying the same stuff". LIL


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

the problem for some of us men is that even when we love and desire our wives unconditionally, it doesnt matter. my wife is a good looking woman (in my eyes) and she isnt overweight, but she isnt tiny either. i love and desire her, and it confuses me why that isnt enough for her. as for oogling at other women in your presence, thats not cool


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

> I think you are only half right here peacefully, and it would be equally true to state women are mostly interested in thin attractive men. Why have we gotten to a place in our society where it is bad to state the obvious? Physical attraction is an undeniable component of sexual charisma, as is intelligence, and as is general demeanor. Has a "cute" clinically depressed person ever got you "hot and bothered"? Probably not.


You're completely right. It's the package that matters most. And the package includes physical beauty too. And yes, men do seem to notice physical beauty first...but that's because women were brought up to compete in that. Whilst men were brought up to compete in other criteria (job, possesions etc.). Most women are just as interested in their man being 'wealthy' and good at his job as most men are interested in their women looking feminine and being fit. Most men are satisfied and happy with women that don't necesarily look as Pamela Anderson just as most women will be ok with men that aren't as rich as Bill Gates. 

I find it hard to believe that it's impolite for a man to stare at a woman and admire her physically when i as a woman while watching tv this morning couldn't move my eyes from the tv presenter's boobs. I'm not trying to be offensive, but they were so big that they simply caught my attention and kept it (her face was actually not interesting and...well...not big enough :rofl. When a woman dresses up it's like she wants to be checked out, and even I as a woman will check her out. I find it normal. In the end, physique is useful for getting noticed. But if you don't have the rest of the package, it doesn't really matter...for both men and women. 

I see checking out people the same as checking out cars, if you wish. You might oggle that Zonda and say how gorgeous it looks, you might even end up buying one (assuming you're disgustingly ritch)...but it's uncomfy...and it gets boring after 2-3 drives, so in the end, all you want is that perfect, comfy Range Rover that has the looks, and the comfort, and the brain.


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