# Any insight would be appreciated....



## nicolem (Jun 26, 2010)

I am a 30 year old female and I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 7 years. We have been together for 15 years, though. We have two daughters, ages 6 and 2. We have had our share of problems for many years. When its good its really good, but when its bad, its really really bad. Its been really bad for about 3 years now. I consider us to be each others kryptonite. We are AMAZING people when we are away from each other. It just seems that we always have to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. If he is happy, I have to be pissed about something stupid, and vice versa.

I guess you could say that it all started with us wanting to spice up our sex life. We decided to dabble in the swinging scene. I'm not really sure if either one of us was really wanting to do it, but we did. The end result was that we both ended up with hurt feelings and a feeling of betrayal. We have yet to deal with those feelings, and I don't think that I want to. I have real feelings of shame and embarassment that my husband sees me in that light. I can't shake the fact that what we did was just not right. There are some marriages that can handle that kind of thing, but I was kidding myself to even think that ours could survive that.

Aside from all of that mess, there really is no respect on either end. We both treat each other pretty bad for the most part and always have. We are critical, and just plain mean sometimes. I know that I am painting an awful picture here, but I'm sick of sugar coating the problems.

Well, a month ago I decided to leave. I packed up and went to my parents house, and he is absolutely FLOORED. He didn't even see this coming. When I tell him that I just don't love him anymore, he admits that he feels the same but thinks that we need to "learn" to love one another again. His point is that we should do it for the kids. That I am being selfish that I don't want my kids to witness the way that we treat each other. I feel that it is better for them to come from a broken home than to live in one and be subjected to all of this crap. 

It just seems so much easier to move on. I feel like we just got together SO young and that we never really matured together. Am I being selfish to want to be happy and to feel like there has to be somthing better?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I dont think you're being selfish, but i do think you should give your marriage more of a chance. before you can try to help your marriage, though, you're going to have to forgive yourself and get past the shame you feel from swinging. You will stop being mean to your H, and stop reacting to his jabs, if you can forgive yourself and move past that. You cant accept him right now because you cant forgive yourself. 

Try some individual counseling and other self-forgiveness books before you give up. It is worth the work.


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