# I was here last year



## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Greetings folks, I haven't been on here in almost a year but I wanted to drop all of you a note, those that are new on here and those that remember me. I wanted to tell all of you to hang in there and see your troubles through. No matter how these things end up, you are all going to come out of this a better person. My situation worked itself out after much struggle but my W and I had help; we actually found a program that was a life saver for us but we both never really lost love for each other, only respect and commitment.

If it is any consolation, what you all are going through, although brutally painful, will make you a stronger, more caring, better person in the end. Take whatever it is you learn from these bad experiences and use them to improve upon whatever it is you feel went wrong. For the cheaters on here, find humility and try to right your wrongs or you are destined to repeat infidelity; learn to appreciate more of what you have been given. For the ones who have been cheated on (like myself) try to find the reason for your SO going astray and learn to change your habits to be more assertive or more lenient, whichever the case may be. Don't blame yourself for the person cheating on you but at least recognize why it happened and take some measure of responsibility for it.

Folks, this is life, nothing is guarenteed. You really have to work at a marriage/relationship on a daily basis. Yes, it's work, becoming complacent with each other is the root of destruction in a relationship (Boredom is lethal to a relationship). In almost every relationship problem on here, someone got bored with their SO. I am not justifying cheating, in fact, it is deplorable. But we have to accept the root causes of infidelity. That is, of course, assuming there was ever real love there to begin with.

OK, well, I just wanted to let all of you know that time does heal all wounds. Sometimes quickly, sometimes it takes a few years - but it will get better! Limbo feels eternal - but it isn't! Patience in Limbo is elusive becuase we are in living in fear.

My message for all of you is for you to find a way to open the door to happiness and joy. Let go of the resentment, don't beg or become co-dependent on your SO. Live your life for you, don't hate or despise your SO, let them go if you have to, keep them if are willing to forgive (honestly forgive) but either way, however dire things appear to be today, know that there is a beginning and an end to everything, even pain.

BTW, I was married for 36 years when she said she wanted a divorce, I didn't want her to leave but I also wanted her to be happy. I opened the door for her and after a lot of pain and self evaluation, decided I was going to start a new life without her but somewhere along the way, we found a way to stay together - with the help of a wonderful group of people and some tools to learn how to forgive.

May you all find peace, and may the road out of Limbo be quickly upon you. God speed to all of you!


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Thank you so much for these words of wisdom. I'm praying God will give me the strength to accept the changes I can not control.

I'm glad things have worked out in your favor. If i may ask, how long were you separated? Also can you tell me more about the program you used?

Thanks again for taking the time to write all that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hi BL, wonderful to hear from you, you were one of the close voices of reason and fellowship that helped me get through the crisis and onto my recovery of myself on here, glad your are getting along the way you want in life and I'm glad your marriage is still alive and healing.

The wise words you just left here should leave a mark on everyone reading this thread, whether they reconcile or don't your attitude is a bit inspirational!


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## ilovemywife7 (Mar 6, 2011)

Hi BL, i havent been on here for a long time either, but im very glad to see that you and your wife were able to work things out and stay together


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## ScottH454 (Jun 3, 2012)

Actually a great well written post. Could be a sticky or post you have to read before anyone starts posting in this section.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Oh My goodness sadwithouthim, I let you down. I should have been on here months sooner and I could have given you some information. I hope it is not too late but it probably is. If you do by chance still need info, let me know and I will PM you the information. I am so sorry it's been so long I have been on here.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

And to my old buddy Lon. I hope life finds you well. Hoping we can chat some more on here.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> And to my old buddy Lon. I hope life finds you well. Hoping we can chat some more on here.


Hey buddy, things are a'ight, how are you doing?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

brighterlight said:


> Oh My goodness sadwithouthim, I let you down. I should have been on here months sooner and I could have given you some information. I hope it is not too late but it probably is. If you do by chance still need info, let me know and I will PM you the information. I am so sorry it's been so long I have been on here.



Why on PM only ?

Can you post it here so everyone can look at it ?

Both groups and the tools please . Thank you


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Hi BigMac,

Well, I will give it a shot on here but I am not sure if I can mention any programs on here. It's called Retrouvaille. Look it up online; I won't talk much about it becuase it is a very unique program and not easy to define. Not a marriage encounter, not counselors - just different and a quality program. They will give you some insights that you probably haven't considered. Just a wonderful program that saved our marriage. You both need to be committed to going though. If you feel your marriage is worth saving - don't pass up Retrouvaille, see if there is a program going on in your area. The only flaw I found with the program was that they didn't offer it enough times during the year in my area and in the condition my marriage was in, it would have not saved us if we had to wait three months to attend. We went in thinking we were done but with a sliver of hope - and came out of it with a new outlook. It is a program that takes one whole weekend then six required follow up sessions but it was well worth it.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Lon,

Hey old buddy, I am doing well. The wife and I were up in Banff last month; gave me some pause to think about how you and your son are doing since you are in a nearby province. Banff area is beautiful. Great to hear from you man!


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Brighterlight, that was indeed an enlightening and candid report. I relate very closely with your story and struggles you had gone through in your marriage, though for myself it was all coming to a head in our 8th-9th year of marriage.

I refused to let go of what we had, not just for the 3 beautiful children we have together, but for the glorious outcome it would be if we did the work and found love between each other again. I always had it, but she was lost and looking for something more. 

A marriage course we did together (The Marriage Course) was the catalyst that helped us both to reconnect in ways we never did before, and we are both better, more loving, more accommodating, more forgiving and more content for it. In the end it all does work out for good, but there is virtue in patience and perseverance when you know the marriage is worth fighting for. Thanks for sharing your words with us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## healme (Jun 17, 2011)

LOL and i was reading my post on your thread about who should you take along with you to court!!!
Im so glad everything worked out well for you!!
I was also here last year and logged back in after more than a year.
But i did goto court and got my freedom ,that day which I now call my independence day and am happy being single!!
Glad to know youre happy


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## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

brighterlight said:


> Greetings folks, I haven't been on here in almost a year but I wanted to drop all of you a note, those that are new on here and those that remember me. I wanted to tell all of you to hang in there and see your troubles through. No matter how these things end up, you are all going to come out of this a better person. My situation worked itself out after much struggle but my W and I had help; we actually found a program that was a life saver for us but we both never really lost love for each other, only respect and commitment.
> 
> If it is any consolation, what you all are going through, although brutally painful, will make you a stronger, more caring, better person in the end. Take whatever it is you learn from these bad experiences and use them to improve upon whatever it is you feel went wrong. For the cheaters on here, find humility and try to right your wrongs or you are destined to repeat infidelity; learn to appreciate more of what you have been given. For the ones who have been cheated on (like myself) try to find the reason for your SO going astray and learn to change your habits to be more assertive or more lenient, whichever the case may be. Don't blame yourself for the person cheating on you but at least recognize why it happened and take some measure of responsibility for it.
> 
> ...


Great to hear. Any chance you could post a link to your thread?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Hello again all. Well, the W and I are still doing well. It's not to say we have not had our challanges, but at least now we know how to handle them in a positive way. I hope you all are hanging in there and that you all find your paths to peace; in the end, it is what we all want. Lon, buddy, if you are still checking in here. Drop me a note. I hope you are well. God bless you all.


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