# I’m not sure anymore



## Tmrk1993 (Oct 26, 2019)

I don’t know if I want to be in my marriage anymore. Some back story; we have been together since 2012. Married since 2016. We had our first daughter in 2017 and I’m now pregnant with our second daughter. 
I’m just so tired of trying honestly. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I’m just not happy anymore. When we first started dating he would always flirt with people and I honestly believe he cheated on me if not once a few times. All of his behaviors showed me signs of possibilities. Like conversations I found and what not. He claims it’s only flirting but still I feel in my heart it was most likely more. Now I think he thinks I’m some wife he can have at home while living his best life. He is from a different country and uses that as an excuse by the way he was brought up. Like his going to clubs and what not. I’m always stuck him with my daughter but even before she was here he would use the excuse it was just a bunch of guys going out and it would be Weird if he brought his wife with him. But he joined the navy. I moved my whole life and away from my family to be with him. Quite my job to go with him. And now I’m basically just a mother and a wife. Not even a person. Continuously leaves me home While he can go out and enjoy himself. Even before kids it was like this. I’m tired of being stuck home and not living a equal life. I get he works. I did too before giving up my jobs. I have a degree. I worked 60-70 hours a week. There was a time he was between jobs and I carried us. And just because I worked I didn’t treat him like he had to stay home all the time. I’m just so tired of feeling like his life is the only thing that matters to him. I feel like I’m a closet wife and I’m stuck. Especially because I don’t work I don’t even know where to begin to leave. Childcare is so expensive and my daughter is now two and I’m 6 months pregnant. So it’s only going to get more pricey. I don’t trust many people with my kids either. That’s why we don’t really get a babysitter. But last week my sister in law was going to sit so I could go to the clubs with him for his birthday. And he claimed it was weird to bring his 6 months pregnant wife to a clubs. But yet he can go? I don’t know I’m just so lost and annoyed and tired of changing my life and having no life so he can live a life at home and a life outside of home. He has two lives and I legit have no life. I’m tired.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hello.... welcome to TAM!

It sounds like you have very good reason to be unhappy with your husband.

How often does he go out without you? 

It sounds like you are a stay at home mom (SAHM). Do you have access to money, or does he control that? Do you have a car that you can use to go places?


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Yes, you are sure or you wouldn't be posting what you did. 
What’s happening is not right, not love and you know it. You are an educated woman who knows that this isn't right.

Please stop making babies with this man, its not fair on you or them.

Hes got you doubting yourself while he plays, but i can hear it in you. You know better than this.

Have you spoken to your husband about these issues? Whats his response?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Why don't you take him aside one evening and sit him down and tell him how unhappy you are. It looks like he has it all, the married life and the single life. Tell him that this does not suit you anymore and if he won't be the married man you need him to be then you don't want to be married anymore.
He needs to wake you to the reality. In fact I suspect you let him away with a lot of things, you know we teach people how to treat us. Going out late partying etc while you are at home is not on. He needs to know that. If he wants that life then tell him he can leave.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He is a good baby maker, not a father, nor husband.

Any healthy man can make a baby, only select men can be fathers and daddies.

I do not see this getting better. 
Yes, you 'might' be able to force him to stay home and play dad.

Then, he is miserable, along with yourself.....still.

Give him the ultimatum, expect the worst, prepare for _life without him_.
Uh, you have a head start on that _aspect_ already.

Sorry.



LMc-


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

*Re: I’m not sure anymore*



> And he claimed it was weird to bring his 6 months pregnant wife to a clubs.


This screams red flag to me. What is he doing at the club that he doesn’t want them to see his wife?


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## waynejoey (Jun 8, 2018)

Someone needs to pull his man card. There is nothing masculine about this. Abandoning your wife and not guarding your heart by being out at a club in front of other women, this is how affairs start. His job is to lay his life down for you and cleave to his wife.

Maybe you can interrupt this by confronting him by way of sharing your feelings. Avoid a 'big talk' that will lead to defensiveness or fighting. Make your feelings known, then go about your day. Reward him with affirmation when he follows through with a behavior that is supportive of you.

"Honey, I feel alone and abandoned when you go out at night without me"
"I'm scared that our child will miss out on a chance to connect with her father"
"I don't feel safe in my marriage for a number of reasons"

and when he does good

"Babe, I love that you stayed in and cuddled with me all night, you're my rock!"
"I think it is so sweet how you played games with our daughter this morning while I got some extra rest"

Right now he is running away from responsibility, maybe you can pave the way for him to come back home and find enjoyment with his family.


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