# notadoormat



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

I have not posted m story yet. I am past d day. I just discovered someone logged into my fb acct from another city. This happens to be the o.w. City. She moved out of state however. So i am wondering does wh have a cell on her acct. He was not in that city at the specified time that i am aware of. It was mothers day. He did go shopping. Anyone can give me a clue? He stated previosly affair ended she had new bf and had got him a cell ph on her plan. New bf yet to be confirmed. Thanks.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi,

So was your FB account logged in on your husband's phone and you think it has logged him in whilst in the OW's city?

The more detail you can post, the better advice you should get.

Sorry you are here. This sucks.


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

I dont know. I know he has an android and its logged in from one but i dont know if its his. He said she engaged anfmand has a big diamond ring. But thru mutual fb friends i just saw photos of her with no ring. i know she cimes back to visit i was told.


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Sounds like she/he or both are checking up on you to see if you know somethings or are getting advice. If he knows your login she probably does too. 

Change your settings. Oh, and it's highly doubtful that she has an engagement ring - unless their affair was a thing from long ago. If it was recent (last few months) I would be highly dubious.


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

so i found out his ph. Android 2 mine is android 4. The log in came from her city on android 4. City is hour 10 mins away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

So, she is within driving distance. Was he gone longer than an hour on mother's day? How has your husband been with you lately? 

I'm not tryin to be a downer but you know they could have checked your acct to see if you had any suspicions - it's also not too difficult for them to have arranged to meet half way so as to minimize travel time. 

However, don't let this gnaw at you. Stay vigilant. Don't mention the fb to your H - not for a long time anyway. How long ago was Dday? How long did their relationship last? Physical?


----------



## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

You should check the settings for that day to know if they(whoever used your fb) were looking for something.


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

thank you for the replies. There is nothing on my fb to see. I only post pics of kids as i dont use fb much. My wh has always had my p.w. And i know he has checked it out. I was mostly wondering if logging in thru a cell can show from a diff city. If not that can mean she put him on her plan to continue to comm. She was very possesive of him and after DD complained to people i found out and that she couldnt talk to him even though the pa part supposedly ended prior to dday. She was not sorry about this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Leave settings as they are and monitor. Post some lovey pics and some 'hot' messages and see if there becomes more activity?


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

what kind of activity in response? He does not have fb. He logs into my acct from his cell on our plan which shows his android2. I cant figure out the android 4 though. So i wonder it has to be either he has a burner ph. Or mine showing that city which i was no where near or a complete stranger w a hack. No one else given my password. My child has iphone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

so i will try to give a quick summary. It began fall 07. I knew something wrong as we were having m troubles for long time and i was more worried about child w addiction issues who was recovering and i did not want to seperate and collapse his recovery. About 10 mos after he began i couldnt take it anymore and said i want D. and for him to go. He got angry w me. I gave up and muddled on. He then finally got a m.c. And we went. He opened up cell acct and i disc who the o.w. Was. He said friends only she engaged etc. I knew she was as i knew her and her fiance. So i said lets all get together. He gave excuses not to. So i said D. after 6 months he moved out. Then said we had been so disconnected lets try friends see if it can lead to repair. I proceeded w caution. I didnt know i was leading myself and children into limbo hell. I then disc. Her and her fiance had broken up just prior to dday. But was told shehad left him for another man in her current state. I then heard rumors she and wh had PA. So i started looking online and found TAM. He admitted his R attempts were for our childten family etc. I Read 180 etc. Ive been purusing here for two years. I gave up on R. And did 180 for me. Then it happened. He came around. I was nice civil as we have children. But that led to him thinking i want him but he had not told me that thought. He let his lease go and moved in. I knew it would not work so told him he had to save and move back out. He said living away was not what he wanted realized he was just resentful of me and chose to end resentment. He said he wanted to solve probs re connect etc. But he never really addressed anything. I didnt put much effort into it. After ten months and my anger swelled at limbo and lies etc i lost it. Thats when he confessed to the PA. I know how it began. The ending i doubt. Said he ended it due to guilt of how i was becoming so depressed about the time i told him i want D. He also states he ended it cause we took a trip and got along and he thought maybe there was a chance. But admits he didnt want me. Then he says he did but didnt know how to fix. Then he says she started talking about another guy and he was doubtful so he ended it. So w all the diff stories i have just been soo angry. 5 years of lies. Mad at him and myself. I do t know how to get a straight story on ending. He is so jaded and resentful at this point. He does not want D. But hates who ive become.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

i wrote in seperate paragraphs but it did not submit that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

notadoormat said:


> i wrote in seperate paragraphs but it did not submit that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I find that when doing it form mobile sometimes. It was readable anyway 

I think he is still in his affair. I don't believe he has shown you, personally, any respect.

There is little you can do for your marriage until he ends this affair.

As such, I believe that you will have to at least serve divorce papers and let him know it is serious. He is not choosing you - he is choosing to "cake eat".

He needs to know there will be consequences for his ongoing betrayal.

I am so sorry you are here. It really is the pits isn't it?


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

I just read it all again. Maybe she ended it and he blames you for it.

Either way, in his head, the other woman is still the person he wants and he sees you as the barrier to it. 

You need more facts. More truth. 

My "advice" - for what it's worth - remains the same: begin proceedings and tell him you will consider staying if he tells the truth.


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

yes it is. She moved out of state two years ago. Wether they remained friends or not remains to be seen. She supposedly engaged to new bf as of three years ago but like i said her pics show no ring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

notadoormat said:


> what kind of activity in response? He does not have fb. He logs into my acct from his cell on our plan which shows his android2. I cant figure out the android 4 though. So i wonder it has to be either he has a burner ph. Or mine showing that city which i was no where near or a complete stranger w a hack. No one else given my password. My child has iphone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was talking on the premise that it may be the jealous OW that you were thinking may be getting into your fb account. You were hinting that that may be a possibility.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

notadoormat said:


> yes it is. She moved out of state two years ago. Wether they remained friends or not remains to be seen. She supposedly engaged to new bf as of three years ago but like i said her pics show no ring.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you really _*know*_ about this? 

Discount everything your WH has told you as it is probably lies.

- Has she moved?

- Did he go to her city recently?

- Did it end?

So what if she is engaged? She has proved that she has zero respect for commitment or marriage. You have to understand that cheaters think differently about truth, honesty and commitment.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

notadoormat said:


> i wrote in seperate paragraphs but it did not submit that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bloody computers!:rofl:

And Bloody cheaters, too!

It could be a coincidence. My FB account was accessed from a smart phone in Hong Kong. Apparently there are gangs who do this.

But the FB thing isn't your real problem, is it? 

Your real problem is your cheating husband, isn't it?


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

OW- divorced twice and long term engagent when A started. Both hubbies and her fiance cheated on her. After her fiance cheated on her she went after my hubby. Knowing we had family issues and she did not care. She told him she always had a crush on him. She even told himif i contronted her after dday she would kick my ass. I did not know that till just recently.


----------



## arked (Mar 2, 2013)

So sorry you are here but you need to live up to your name Not a Door Mat. Do not become a door mat for this man. You deserve much better and you will have much better when you close the door on him. Divorce papers need to be served on him if you and I repeat (you) wish to R you can still stop the D.


----------



## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello "Not a door mat",

I'm so sorry you're going through this! The first thing I noticed about you was your username "Not A Door Mat" (Great username), which tells me you're the type of person that's going to FIGHT!! My kind of Tamer!! :smthumbup:



notadoormat said:


> OW- divorced twice and long term engagent when A started. Both hubbies and her fiance cheated on her. After her fiance cheated on her she went after my hubby. Knowing we had family issues and she did not care. She told him she always had a crush on him. She even told himif i contronted her after dday she would kick my ass. I did not know that till just recently.


The OW is looking for her VERY OWN *Knight in Shining Armour* "K.I.S.K.A", because ALL the other men in her life were ALL men without morals who cheated on her, leaving her worthless. She has now become the very thing she hated when her previous partners all cheated on her. *A Cheater!!* *"If you can’t beat them join them"!*

The OW see’s your husband as that MAN, her K.I.S.A! It doesn't matter to her that he is married to you. All she sees is this man who’s been married to you for almost 30 years is the kind of man she has been looking for as a lifelong partner she never found in any of her previous partners.
But it *takes two to tango*, and your husband played his part in this.



> 5 years of lies. Mad at him and myself. I do t know how to get a straight story on ending.


Your husband has become a *“YOYO”* man bouncing from you to the OW over 5 years of lies. The OW, from your words sounds like a *“Footloose and fancy free”* woman who gets whatever she wants, when she wants it. You husband may have ended it and blames you, so checking your FB account. *DEMAND your husband changes all FB passwords immediately and de-friend the OW.*

*If he refuses then he still wants the OW. File for divorce!*



> He is so jaded and resentful at this point. He does not want D. But hates who ive become.


No real guilt or no real remorse from him means he became disconnected from you a long time ago so is lost as to how to show you real guilt or real remorse to you. So he deflects his problems onto you and blames you for becoming a different woman during those 5 years, a woman who’s *Womaned-UP * and can think independently of him. His old wife is gone replaced by this new confident woman whose username on TAM and in real life is *“Not A Door Mat” ANYMORE! *

*If he continues to blame you - File for Divorce!*


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

Wow phoenix. Thanks. You have shed some light on this i have not thought of. He does not have fb. And i think u nailed the *****. She does think she can have what she wants. Now that the PA exposed in loojibg back he did becime more angry at the time he says he ended it which made no sense. He days due to guilt of all fughting lying etc so why would that cause anger. And yes being the KISA would boost that ego. He said affair nt about me but then said due to needing more sex.


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

So he still tells me he wants to fix marriage. But where i have not put in any effort begins w this. He does not want to tell her this in front of me. He claims to have told her he wants to fix things w me but from work and from his apt. She moved so thete is no address for a no contact letter. He said he will if i want him to. What i want to know is why stayin contact w her yell her this away from me but feel apprehensive to tell her in front of me. This is him putting salt on a wound. This is where i became notadoormat. Btw we all worked together had have mutual friends and i suspect if he did this she would tell people. She is a gossip. Or should i have let that die. Thats been my sticking stubborn point. Even if too late i want to get past the anger this part caused me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Not A Door Mat, 

You're welcome! 



notadoormat said:


> Wow phoenix. Thanks. You have shed some light on this i have not thought of. He does not have fb. And i think u nailed the *****. She does think she can have what she wants. *Now that the PA exposed in loojibg back he did becime more angry at the time he says he ended it which made no sense.* *(FTP: Exactly, so lied!)* He days due to guilt of all fughting lying etc so why would that cause anger.*(FTP: His guilt is for her not YOU, Sorry!)* And yes being the KISA would boost that ego. He said affair nt about me but then said due to needing more sex. *(FTP: him, Him, HIM, Get it)*


 
So, what are you going to do *FIGHT* or *TAKE FLIGHT?*


----------



## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Not A Door Mat,




> So he still tells me he wants to fix marriage. But where i have not put in any effort begins w this. *He does not want to tell her this in front of me. He claims to have told her he wants to fix things w me but from work and from his apt.*


Please excuse language - He's talking a load of *Bollocks*! He's trying to control how the affair can continue from his own apt and work while still working on your marriage from there, I'll say it again - *BOLLOCKS*! He really thinks you're a DOORMAT doesn't he! *Well you're NOT ARE YOU?* so don't give into that word!



> *She moved so thete is no address for a no contact letter.* *(FTP: and another lie!)* He said he will if i want him to. What i want to know is why stayin contact w her yell her this away from me but feel apprehensive to tell her in front of me. This is him putting salt on a wound. This is where i became notadoormat. *Btw we all worked together had have mutual friends and i suspect if he did this she would tell people. She is a gossip.* *Or should i have let that die. (FTP: That's what they BOTH WANT YOU TO THINK AND DO! NOTHING!!) *Thats been my sticking stubborn point. Even if too late i want to get past the anger this part caused me.
> Posted via Mobile Device


If you know her and your friends do as well then expose her and your husband to everyone about the 5 year long affair. The ONLY to KILL this affair is to *TAKE CONTROL* of it yourself. *A KISA is NOT ONLY A MAN, but also a WOMAN!* A bit like YOU! It's time for you to become a KISA and blow this up.

Collect all the information you can about the affair.
Okay husband doesn't have FB account, so this is your FB account?

Once you expose this affair the shame and guilt will on their faces *NOT YOURS!*

*Q. Fight or Flight ?*


----------



## notadoormat (Jun 1, 2013)

Why would he feel guilt for her??
i was passworded out of account. It caused arguments. Im sure she knew he was not gonna leave family and at sime point she told him she moving out of state. She supposedlty reconnected w old bf and she moved there two years ago. But the full dday was a few months ago. He claims guilt do to our fighting and how it affected kids and whole family. Idk


----------



## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

> Why would he feel guilt for her??


From your two post ago:
"He days due to guilt of all fughting lying etc so why would that cause anger.*(FTP: His guilt is for her not YOU, Sorry!)"* 

The above sentence is from him? Is his WORDS for YOU OR HER? 

I say HER! and here's why?

Recap, he's been in a relationship with this OW for 5 years correct? You've discovered this and put your foot down and asked him to choose between YOU and OW. His lovely little world of playing both sides of the fence for his own selfish, self-centred reasons blew up when you discovered his cheating. Now he is faced the BIG choice, between choosing YOU or OW. He disconnected from you around 5 years ago when HE and OW started the relationship. Where's the guilt? He has to give up OW for his the KIDS and FAMILY, but NOT because of YOU! Look back at your others posts that's I believe that's what you said - _correct me if I'm wrong._

Also from your words: *"So he still tells me he wants to fix marriage."* Okay, but on his T&C's NOT YOURS! I see NO guilt or remorse for YOU! Also think about this, you've been married for almost 30 years, what do you think family/friends are going to think of HIM? If and When you do BLOW-UP this relationship, while still married to YOU, to EVERYONE?




> i was passworded out of account. It caused arguments. Im sure she knew he was not gonna leave family and at sime point she told him she moving out of state. She supposedlty reconnected w old bf and she moved there two years ago. But the full dday was a few months ago. He claims guilt do to our fighting and how it affected kids and whole family. Idk


Your husband is not the only "YOYO" in this, the OW is also, and no I don't believe after 5 years together she knew he would never his family. He's actions contradict his words, during relationship, after DDay and now.




> No one else given my password. My child has iphone.


So during the 5 years the OW never had access to your husband's phone? Think about it... The OW get's what she wants, do you really think she has never once checked your FB account for information about YOU? 

If you've been locked out of your own FB your account YOU need to regain control of it. NOW! Here's a link: *Recover my FB account.*


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

It is possible for a mobile device to show as being logged on from a different city when it is in fact not within that city. I find that occasionally when I am sitting at home and not on my wifi, the log in information for the Yahoo accounts shows as being logged into from a city over 6 hours away. When I traced the IP address, I have found that it is reporting that city, as that is where the AT$T central DNS router for my region is stationed and the IP address is registered to AT$T as one of their DNS server domains. The explanation could be something as simple as this, especially when the device is yours as if I understood it correctly Android 4 is the one being reported and that is your device. Was you phone out of your possession during that time period (if not this could be the explanation).


----------

