# Things I learned being an OM - Introduction



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Over the past couple of years I have posted in the infidelity forum and offered insight and perspective from my past experiences as an OM. 

Call it guilt or some form of self-penance or maybe just trying to be helpful in some way to BHs now that I am married with a home and children etc but either way I think there are times where hearing the cold, hard realities from someone who has been in bed with married women can help a BH (or perhaps BWs as well) navigate some of the mine fields associated with a WW/WS. 

I decided I'd try to make a little collection of some of the things I learned first hand years ago in hopes a BS may find it useful today. 

Rather than writing too much in one post, I'll break it up into smaller parts. (mods can splice them together if they'd rather be in one thread) 

I'll start with an introduction and a little background so you know where I am coming from. 

For starters, it is important to understand that I am a totally Average Joe. Average looks. Average height/weight. Average IQ. Average income. Typical suburban lifestyle. Average penis. Average everything. Nothing special about me at all. I am not a pro athlete, musician, actor, model, celebrity, business tycoon - nothing. If I walked by you in the baked goods section of the grocery store, you wouldn't even see me. 

…….. but my normalcy and averageness did not stop me from hooking up with lots of married women. In fact, it may have even helped. 

Starting at about age 23 (I am 55 now) I had a series of As with married women that ranged anywhere from one-nighters to weekly/monthly hook ups for several years. Some of those WWs eventually divorced. Some are still married to the same BHs now and I assume our A was never discovered. 

I only know of one BH ever finding out. The rest I assume never found out about me. At least of the WWs divorced her BH but only after with getting with other dudes after me. I assume some of the other WWs hooked up with others after me or even during our As but I have no first-hand knowledge of such.

This went on until my now-wife and I became exclusive. 

Mrs Oldshirt was not married when we first got together but she was living with a BF of 10 years. 

What separated our situation from the rest is she checked off enough boxes that I wanted to be with her full-time and made her an offer - which she accepted and dumped the BF. (more on that concept in another post)

Then after 10 years of traditional marriage and two kids and mortgage etc Mrs Old and I entered the swinging lifestyle and were very active swingers for several years. 

Most of the people in that lifestyle are married so between my affairs with WWs in my 20s and the people that we played with during our swinging days, the vast majority of women I have been with have been married and all total I have probably been with around 100 married women give or take. 

Most of those were with consenting husbands but the ones from my 20s were not. 

The other thing I can say about myself from my younger days in hooking up with WWs was I was not what you would consider as a "Player" in that I did not go to bars and use cheesy pick up lines etc etc. But I was clearly looking to score NSA poon and was not looking for any kind of serious,committed LTR or marriage etc...…. nor was I what your mother or grandmother would think of as relationship/marriage material. 

That is an important point to make and to keep in mind going forward. 

Most of the WWs I hooked up with were normal every day wives that I would encounter through normal daily activities like work, college classes, mutual friends etc. Not a single one of them was someone I approached in a bar or hotel lounge etc etc. 

It's important to understand this was all through normal, everyday interactions that every person has about every day of his/her life. 

That's me and my background. Upcoming posts will be about things I learned and are now aware of looking back.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I wonder if you believe in Karma or anything like that?


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

What was your success ratio: for example, 1 sex partner per 10 tries.

Did you screen the women or just pitch every women you came in contact with? For example, did you look for a certain manner of dressing or style, bored, low self esteem, angry at her husband, etc?

Have you read: Not Just Friends?

In context of that book: Were boundaries effective? When you were the AP, how did you cross over the boundaries? Or were there none?
How did you turn the interaction sexual?

Was there a certain point where you knew it was just a matter of time?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

"I only know of one BH ever finding out. The rest I assume never found out about me"
I'd bet the farm more did.
Do you have any regret?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

StillSearching said:


> Do you have any regret?


A related question might be, why the change of heart (more than once) when married? Went from 10 years of "traditional" marriage (if I'm reading things correctly) to several years of "swinging", but that's now in the past. What happened? Was it the wife that instigated the changes, or him? Do his now see himself settled in for the long haul as a monogamous couple?

The OP comes off as a moving target. I doubt he's typical of the OM in general. Or maybe that's the point. He is, and we're just totally unaware. Or at least me.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Responses in bold below





Casual Observer said:


> A related question might be, why the change of heart (more than once) when married?
> 
> *When my wife and I got together we hit it off and decided we wanted to be together and things were good and I simply grew up and lived a traditional, monogamous married life. *
> 
> ...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> Responses in bold below


But you're not "... just a normal, suburban couple in their 50s with teenagers and bills and a dog and cats etc."

You quit the lifestyle because it was no longer sustainable for you, not because you were "normal" (I would say "typical" is a better word because I do not want to define your lifestyle as abnormal, just different from most). So It's wrong to say you're like everyone else... you've just settled into a typical lifestyle like everyone else because is was pretty much forced on you, which is not the same as being typical innately.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

One man’s meat 🥩 is another man’s poison but nothing ‘normal’ about your life story


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Whatever the reasons that they became a normal (or average) suburban couple doesn't dismiss the fact that they are now. To dispute him saying they are a normal suburban couple based on what prompted them to become one is a moot issue and senseless to argue because it doesn't change the fact that it's what they've become. Nor does their history change their current status or situation, so is also a moot issue and senseless to argue.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My take on this, as what many would call a ****ty girl, is that there are women who did not act like I did and who were not part of the world Oldshirt describes.

He describes himself, and many/most of you guys don’t see yourself in him.

That is about how common it is for women to be like the women he is describing. Most women won’t see themselves in his description.

Because this is the women he went after and was successful with and because there were a lot of them, he thinks those women were the average. Just as he thinks he was the average.

Since most men on here don’t agree he is the average, couldn’t it be probable that most average women aren’t what he describes either?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Message:*

Folks, this is not a porn site, so please keep the posts clean.

Also, rude posts will be deleted and other action might be discussed by the Mod Squad, if thought appropriate.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> What separated our situation from the rest is she checked off enough boxes that I wanted to be with her full-time and made her an offer - which she accepted and dumped the BF. (more on that concept in another post)
> 
> .


What specific boxes did she check that you decided to commit to her exclusively?


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Since most men on here don’t agree he is the average, couldn’t it be probable that most average women aren’t what he describes either?


Great point. When college guys say the college girls just want to hook up with the hottest guys, I point out that they say that college boys don’t want traditional dating and only want sex. If the cynical stuff they’re saying about you isn’t true, the cynical stuff you’re saying about them is probably wrong, too.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> Great point. When college guys say the college girls just want to hook up with the hottest guys, I point out that they say that college boys don’t want traditional dating and only want sex. If the cynical stuff they’re saying about you isn’t true, the cynical stuff you’re saying about them is probably wrong, too.


Just because the girls only will put out for the alphas does not mean the boys
do not want relationships.

Just as back in the past decades before girls were willing to put out they
were always willing to date the alphas.

As to the boys these day?

Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Why even buy a dinner when they are chasing you?


Isn't being a liberated woman great?


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