# Girls Night out



## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Is it ok for me to get angry and upset when my wife goes out with girlfriends? I dont have a problem with her going out alone, the problem is where they go. Its usually a club or bar and they drink and go dancing. I have told her how I feel about this and she says she is sorry i feel this way but she needs a night out once in a while. She says Iam trying to control her and tell her what she can and cant do and that I need to trust her. I do trust her I just cant help the way I feel. I suggest they go to diner and a movie or something and she says they like to dance. I have offered to go with her but she says she needs time to herself, and Iam fine with that I just dont like the idea of her in a club. The day after these Nights out she tells me all about it and what she did but I still dont like it. We have been married for 7 years and she is the love of my life but I just dont know to deal with this!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

tg123456 said:


> Is it ok for me to get angry and upset when my wife goes out with girlfriends? I dont have a problem with her going out alone, the problem is where they go. Its usually a club or bar and they drink and go dancing. I have told her how I feel about this and she says she is sorry i feel this way but she needs a night out once in a while. She says Iam trying to control her and tell her what she can and cant do and that I need to trust her. I do trust her I just cant help the way I feel. I suggest they go to diner and a movie or something and she says they like to dance. I have offered to go with her but she says she needs time to herself, and Iam fine with that I just dont like the idea of her in a club. The day after these Nights out she tells me all about it and what she did but I still dont like it. We have been married for 7 years and she is the love of my life but I just dont know to deal with this!


Suggest this.

You gals go have fun, I'll join you later in the evening. And, you don't commit to what time.

Perfectly reasonable.

You'll know where you stand with her response to that.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

I forgot to mention we have 2 young chrildren and getting a babysitter is an issue. So me joining later would be hard to do. She has said that sometimes I can go with them but that has not happend yet.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

tg123456 said:


> I forgot to mention we have 2 young chrildren and getting a babysitter is an issue. So me joining later would be hard to do. She has said that sometimes I can go with them but that has not happend yet.


If your relationship is important to you, you'll figure out something for the kids.

Time to get off the pot.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

I dont think she is or would ever cheat on me. I dont know how to explain this I just dont like her going to bars or clubs without me, I dont think that is aplace for a married woman or a man. I just dont get it!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

tg123456 said:


> I dont think she is or would ever cheat on me. I dont know how to explain this I just dont like her going to bars or clubs without me, I dont think that is aplace for a married woman or a man. I just dont get it!


Then do what I said.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

I have tryed that but again she says she needs time alone. If I show up I will be told that I dont trust her and I am trying to control her.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

tg123456 said:


> I have tryed that but again she says she needs time alone. If I show up I will be told that I dont trust her and I am trying to control her.


Wake up, every married woman flirting with men and considering cheating says this exact thing.

And it goes without saying that a cheating wife says it too.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

tg123456 said:


> I have tryed that but again she says she needs time alone. If I show up I will be told that I dont trust her and I am trying to control her.


michzz is right.

3 hours with the girls is "more than enough" time in one night.

You show up after hour 3, nobody can say a word.

She also won't be able to hop from place to place with some alpha SOB driving her who knows where.

Wake up.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

tg123456 said:


> I dont think she is or would ever cheat on me. I dont know how to explain this I just dont like her going to bars or clubs without me, I dont think that is aplace for a married woman or a man. I just dont get it!



been there, WRONGO!, done that. Cried over the t-shirt.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

michzz said:


> been there, WRONGO!, done that. Cried over the t-shirt.


What? 

Bottom line is I love my wife and dont want this to continue to be a problem for us. this is the first major problem we have had in 7 years and I need to know how to fix it!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> I dont think she is or would ever cheat on me. I dont know how to explain this I just dont like her going to bars or clubs without me, I dont think that is aplace for a married woman or a man. I just dont get it!


You told her your feelings. She does not care and is blowing you off. Have you told her that this is unacceptable behavior for your marriage? If you are too afraid to lose your wife by taking a stand, she is no longer yours anyway.

So you get to stay home with the kids while she is out playing with other men. Awesome for her. She must love the heck out of that. Woooohooooo!!!. Cake eating.

See, you having to be home with the kids isolates the primary male in her life which frees her up to enjoy her exploits with the boys. Women are wired this way. Always looking for the better male. You cannot c0ckblock. GNOs are designed for this.

Is she ok with you going out dancing with women without her?

The thing is you should have a say so in what your wife does. Taking it to an extreme do you have input as to how many men your wife is "allowed" to sleep with? Remember that the jealous reflex is hardwired into men who do not want their wives impregnated by other males. It is a primary mechanism to prevent infidelity. Men are wired to c0ckblock.

Women throw the controlling thing down on you. So do cheaters BTW. Why is ok for your wife to be dancing ( groping ) with guys who want to bed her while she is drinking? 

Is she ok with you getting lap dances in the VIP room?

The biggest thing is that she does not respect you. If she does not respect you, you are no longer attractive to her. These guys in the clubs will then look that much hotter. Do the math.

Not to get creepy, here, but does she dress better when she does this?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I suggest GNOs ( meat markets ) be another section under infidelity or at the very least a GNO in parallel to it.

This just seems like a hot bed of activity for women.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I think that if you have told her that you are like many man who object to their wife going to places like this alone, and she has rebuffed you, then she is drawing a line in the sand. Strangely, she probably wouldn't trust you if you said that you would spend the same amount of time on an adult live chatting site, even if you told her that she should trust you.

Honestly, I think you have to tell her that you two have now reached a place where your concepts of marital boundaries are too divergent to continue allowing this. It is entirely possible that she is telling herself that this is asexual, but that's not what is going on in the minds of the guys there. If she is willing to place this desire to hang out with a crowd of mostly single people over your own beliefs, then I think you'll know where you really stand.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> You told her your feelings. She does not care and is blowing you off. Have you told her that this is unacceptable behavior for your marriage? If you are too afraid to lose your wife by taking a stand, she is no longer yours anyway.
> 
> So you get to stay home with the kids while she is out playing with other men. Awesome for her. She must love the heck out of that. Woooohooooo!!!. Cake eating.
> 
> ...


She does not really dress better or sexy when they go out. She says she understands my feelings but thinks it should be ok for her to go out with the girls every now and then. And I agree with that but I dont want her going to clubs. The thing is I dont feel the need to have guys nights, if I go out I want to be with my wife.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> *I dont think she is or would ever cheat on me.* I dont know how to explain this I just dont like her going to bars or clubs without me, I dont think that is aplace for a married woman or a man. I just dont get it!


No one ever does. This board is full of guys who trusted their wife 100% before they cheated. The deal is that she may not be going their to cheat. But the guys their are working on getting her to cheat. Seduction my friend. Alcohol.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> I have tryed that but again she says she needs time alone. If I show up I will be told that I dont trust her and I am trying to control her.


She needs her space. Away from you. To play with other men. Good deal.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> I have tryed that but again she says she needs time alone. If I show up I will be told that I dont trust her and I am trying to control her.


She is controlling you.

But word games aside, you are trying to alter her behavior. No shame in that if that behavior is contrary to your boundaries. You are trying to prevent your wife and the mother of your chidren from playing with other men.

This is much easier to deal with if there are no children. Once children are there, the mother can use them against the father. Very controlling.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> What?
> 
> Bottom line is I love my wife and dont want this to continue to be a problem for us. this is the first major problem we have had in 7 years and I need to know how to fix it!


You need to LISTEN. Ever heard of the seven year itch?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> I think that if you have told her that you are like many man who object to their wife going to places like this alone, and she has rebuffed you, then she is drawing a line in the sand. Strangely, she probably wouldn't trust you if you said that you would spend the same amount of time on an adult live chatting site, even if you told her that she should trust you.
> 
> Honestly, I think you have to tell her that you two have now reached a place where your concepts of marital boundaries are too divergent to continue allowing this. It is entirely possible that she is telling herself that this is asexual, but that's not what is going on in the minds of the guys there. If she is willing to place this desire to hang out with a crowd of mostly single people over your own beliefs, then I think you'll know where you really stand.


Well said. Partners need to have agreed upon boundaries.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Im going to talk with her more about this and make it clear that I dont want this to continue and we will go from there. If she loves me as much as she says she does then she will respect my wishes and stop doing this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> She does not really dress better or sexy when they go out. She says she understands my feelings but thinks it should be ok for her to go out with the girls every now and then. And I agree with that but I dont want her going to clubs. The thing is I dont feel the need to have guys nights, if I go out I want to be with my wife.


Nice Guy syndrome. We know. We know exactly what you are saying and how you feel.

I stand by what I said. She does not respect you and thinks you are wrong and will do what she wants no matter what you think. That would be unaccaptable to me. 

You are failing the test. 

Going out with the girls is not an issue. She needs that. We are talking about going out with the guys. Is is ok for her to date?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> Im going to talk with her more about this and make it clear that I dont want this to continue and we will go from there. If she loves me as much as she says she does then she will respect my wishes and stop doing this.


YES!!!!!!!! 

Good luck.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> YES!!!!!!!!
> 
> Good luck.


Thank you.


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

At this point who cares if she tells you that you are "controlling"?! Don't let that magic word steal your pair from you man.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

"Controlling" and "Don't trust me"-right out of the standard script of a cheater.

Remember, the vast majority of people think that it's not really cheating if there's no sex involved. She's probably taking her "hook-up"s (and that is what clubs are for) to the brink, then she backs off. But she LOVES the attention that the young macho studs are giving her.

In short, you're married, she's not.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

F-102 said:


> "Controlling" and "Don't trust me"-right out of the standard script of a cheater.
> 
> Remember, the vast majority of people think that it's not really cheating if there's no sex involved. She's probably taking her "hook-up"s (and that is what clubs are for) to the brink, then she backs off. But she LOVES the attention that the young macho studs are giving her.
> 
> In short, you're married, she's not.


Wow. Very well put. Sex is certainly a huge definitive mielstone of cheating. But I see infidelity as a continuum of bahavior. I gree she is hooking-up. We cannot assume penetration. If her husband saw what she was doing I wonder where he would raw the line.


Are HJs and BJs cheating? Well according to BC they are not.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

F-102 said:


> "Controlling" and "Don't trust me"-right out of the standard script of a cheater.
> 
> Remember, the vast majority of people think that it's not really cheating if there's no sex involved. She's probably taking her "hook-up"s (and that is what clubs are for) to the brink, then she backs off. But she LOVES the attention that the young macho studs are giving her.
> 
> In short, you're married, she's not.


Actually is this whole GNO just the tip of the iceberg?

I know there has been an evolution of marriage, but are women now moving marriage to where men are more domesticated, while they go out and play with the Alpha males?

Is this a trend?


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## Scottt (Feb 25, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> Is it ok for me to get angry and upset when my wife goes out with girlfriends? I dont have a problem with her going out alone, the problem is where they go. Its usually a club or bar and they drink and go dancing. I have told her how I feel about this and she says she is sorry i feel this way but she needs a night out once in a while. She says Iam trying to control her and tell her what she can and cant do and that I need to trust her. I do trust her I just cant help the way I feel. I suggest they go to diner and a movie or something and she says they like to dance. I have offered to go with her but she says she needs time to herself . . .


It's been quite a few years since I've been to a club, so I'm a little unclear on the concept of girls' nights out (GNOs), clubbing, and dancing. Setting aside for a moment the question of what really happens on these nights, what do the ladies tell their husbands they do at the clubs, and what do the guys that are OK with these nights out think they do? Do the ladies dance with each other, or with guys that are there and hitting on them?

If women are out chatting or dancing with each other, you could call it a girls' night and time to themselves. But if they're out chatting, flirting, and dancing with guys that aren't their husbands, it seems more like cheating. And you can't really call it time to themselves; it's more like time to date other men. I can't imagine any normal husband being OK with that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Scottt said:


> It's been quite a few years since I've been to a club, so I'm a little unclear on the concept of girls' nights out (GNOs), clubbing, and dancing. Setting aside for a moment the question of what really happens on these nights, what do the ladies tell their husbands they do at the clubs, and what do the guys that are OK with these nights out think they do? Do the ladies dance with each other, or with guys that are there and hitting on them?
> 
> If women are out chatting or dancing with each other, you could call it a girls' night and time to themselves. But if they're out chatting, flirting, and dancing with guys that aren't their husbands, it seems more like cheating. And you can't really call it time to themselves; it's more like time to date other men. I can't imagine any normal husband being OK with that.


You nailed it dude.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> What?
> 
> Bottom line is I love my wife and dont want this to continue to be a problem for us. this is the first major problem we have had in 7 years and I need to know how to fix it!


Understandable, but as long as she thinks that it is innocent, and you don't, logic rarely works. Boundaries and consequences don't need to be thrown out like a grenade, but you have to find a way to let her know that this is not an area where you will waver.

I'm 45, but in my college years I spent a lot of time in clubs. 
I was even a bouncer for a year. Maybe we were different then, but we went there for one reason. I saw how different clubs were outside of the college cities, but predators with a sense of entitlement still showed up at them. They assume that any woman is worth the attempt. 

Some people are okay with the lifestyle, and I respect that, but I think you're missing a important point. I'll give an example: I travel for work quite a bit. On a number of occasions, when groups from my company are travelling to the same place. It's customary to spend the evenings together sharing a meal, drinks, and carpool back to the hotel. Three or four times, married women in my group have made passes when we got back to the hotel. One even slipped her extra room card in my pocket. So, my wife asked me to take a pass on these evenings any time there was a woman in the group. She trusts me, and I trust myself to be faithful. The point is, I never once resented her request. I respected it. And, I think you would do the same for your wife. These are the things we do because we love our spouse. What has she done for you in areas where you ask her not to do something that she wants to do?


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

mommy22 said:


> Not that it necessarily means that she's headed into an affair at all, but this is exactly how it began for me. I "needed" time out with the girls. We didn't go to movies, shopping, etc.. It was dance clubs. Who hangs out at dance clubs? Singles and men looking for something. She may be completely innocent but I can assure you the men hanging out there aren't. If she's attractive, they're going to be hitting on her-- ring or no ring. Most of the men don't care if she's married or not.
> 
> I don't say any of that to scare you or to create a scenario that doesn't even exist but many women are just thinking about going out and having fun without any regard to the pervs who hang out in those places just watching. A bouncer once told me about a guy trying to take a pic of a girl from behind with his camera phone. He aimed it up her skirt without her knowing. He confiscated the phone. She needs to be aware and you have a right to know what she's doing. She's your wife.
> 
> Too many couples fall into the trap of thinking "I need "me time"." Certainly we all need our own hobbies and time to ourselves but when we're married, there are no secrets. "What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine" needs to be the mantra. Allow her time with the girls but that time need not be in singles hang outs. She should consider how the other places make you feel and be fine with going to dinner, movies or hanging out with her friends at one of their places. Don't be afraid to stand your ground on this one. She may be testing you.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Thanks everyone!
We had a long chat last night and are going to talk more today, I think she finally gets my feelings on this. We have a understanding that going out with friends is ok, but going to bars and nightclubs without one aanother is not ok. We will see how this all works out I feel better though.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

While you're talking, ask her what exactly goes on in these clubs. Do guys hit on her? How does she react? Does she dance with them? Accept drinks? Touch them? Do they touch her? Has he ever met up with men with whom she has previously partied? Ever left the club with men to go to another or out for coffee afterwards?

She MAY think those types of activities are innocent. They clearly are not.


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

I'm gonna chime in again. ....

Be careful.

My personal experience tells me that rules create resentment. I have a different outlook, since dealing with my own issues. If my wife has a strong desire to go to bars and clubs (which she did), I have to ask MYSELF if that's what I WANT. Stopping her, will create resentment. Even though she may agree not to go, doesn't mean that she doesn't wish she was doing those things. 
There is so much truth to " if you love someone set it free, etc....."
However, here's my spin on it...... If you love someone, and she wants to be free, let her go. Sooner or later, she'll wake up. If she doesn't, be thankful you got rid of her.

I've said this before..... I fought, barked, whined, and complained about my wife going out to the clubs and bars. I will NEVER do that again. If that's what she wants, I'll let her play. It doesn't mean I have to accept it.

I still feel you should let out her rope. She'll respect you more, and at the same time maybe expose your true state of your marriage. Let her go. Tell her you're ok with her doing what she wants to do. But I would also let her know that YOUR TOLERANCE for it is short lived, and may result in you becoming unhappy in your marriage. Let her be responsible for her actions.

Just my opinion
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Halien said:


> Understandable, but as long as she thinks that it is innocent, and you don't, logic rarely works. Boundaries and consequences don't need to be thrown out like a grenade, but you have to find a way to let her know that this is not an area where you will waver.
> 
> I'm 45, but in my college years I spent a lot of time in clubs.
> I was even a bouncer for a year. Maybe we were different then, but we went there for one reason. I saw how different clubs were outside of the college cities, but predators with a sense of entitlement still showed up at them. They assume that any woman is worth the attempt.
> ...


That last question is so so key.

It helps you determine whether you have a committed partner.

If she merely says, "live with it", you know more about her.

And, what you know isn't all that good.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

MrK said:


> While you're talking, ask her what exactly goes on in these clubs. Do guys hit on her? How does she react? Does she dance with them? Accept drinks? Touch them? Do they touch her? Has he ever met up with men with whom she has previously partied? Ever left the club with men to go to another or out for coffee afterwards?
> 
> She MAY think those types of activities are innocent. They clearly are not.



She says she just dances with her friends, Has no intrest in other men and that I am the one she loves. And thats the kind of person she is she has never given me any reason to not trust her.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

tg123456 said:


> She says she just dances with her friends, Has no intrest in other men and that I am the one she loves. And thats the kind of person she is she has never given me any reason to not trust her.


I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you big time.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

tg123456 said:


> She says she just dances with her friends, Has no intrest in other men and that I am the one she loves. And thats the kind of person she is she has never given me any reason to not trust her.


I wish we could take up a donation for you to hire a good PI. One that will get video. I would like to see the results. There is NO WAY they ALWAYS go to meet markets just because they like to dance with each other. They could save a TON of dough by making the basement dark and cranking the radio up loud.

Of course you asked her, why never a movie and coffee? Why always pick-up joints?

Is it just me?


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Well we have talked about it for quite a bit and she told me she is not going to go to clubs or bars without me there. We decided that 7 years and 2 kids is not worth giving up for clubs and drinking.


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## Scottt (Feb 25, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> She says she just dances with her friends, Has no intrest in other men and that I am the one she loves. And thats the kind of person she is she has never given me any reason to not trust her.


Then she should have no problem with you dropping by for a few minutes at some point in the evening the next time she's out. She could let you know before she leaves where she's going, and you could just show up when you feel like it. Why don't you suggest that to her and see how it goes over.



MrK said:


> They could save a TON of dough by making the basement dark and cranking the radio up loud.


That's an even better idea.


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## Scottt (Feb 25, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> Well we have talked about it for quite a bit and she told me she is not going to go to clubs or bars without me there. We decided that 7 years and 2 kids is not worth giving up for clubs and drinking.


I'm glad to hear it. It sounds like you guys are on the right track!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

michzz said:


> I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you big time.


Why? I go out on occasion with my friends and the sole purpose IS to dance with our group. I am NOT there to pick up guys and if one approaches me I politely tell them I'm married and that's it!
Contrary to popular belief, the mere sight of a man doesn't make us shuck our underwear off, flush our wedding rings down the toilet and toss our dignity to the curb. Come on. 
Why is it that a guy goes out to a bar with his friends and it's "blowing off steam, hanging out with his friends, A-okay" but a woman who goes out dancing with her friends and it's "she's looking to cheat, hire a PI, don't trust her"? 
Ridiculous and infuriating.


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## typewittyusernamehere (Feb 12, 2011)

:iagree: All I am reading on this is a bunch of scorned men with these ridiculous scenarios of a "cheating wife". I like to go out with the girls, and go dancing. When I do go, I am never "scoping out the guys" or dancing with them, or anything. Girls night out is what it is, GIRLS night out. If men try to dance with me, it's a straight up, I'm all set, no small talk, nothing. I'm totally shaking my head at all these ridiculous responses on this. I agree with Therealbrighteyes, it's ridiculous and infuriating. Have some trust, and son't get so upset about something so minute....


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

typewittyusernamehere said:


> :iagree: All I am reading on this is a bunch of scorned men with these ridiculous scenarios of a "cheating wife". I like to go out with the girls, and go dancing. When I do go, I am never "scoping out the guys" or dancing with them, or anything. Girls night out is what it is, GIRLS night out. If men try to dance with me, it's a straight up, I'm all set, no small talk, nothing. I'm totally shaking my head at all these ridiculous responses on this. I agree with Therealbrighteyes, it's ridiculous and infuriating. Have some trust, and son't get so upset about something so minute....


In my response, I was careful not to suggest that his wife was going there for the reasons you accuse us of thinking. You are missing a really big point, though, in my opinion. It matters not what your intention is for going to the club with some men. If so, clubs wouldn't need bouncers. Personally, I don't like the idea of my wife being hit on in a place where many hold the assumption that she is available. Since she feels insecure about me sharing drinks with female coworkers, I don't consider it unfair to ask her to avoid these places alone. Both times that men attempted to take advantage of her physically, I was there to protect her. One was outside a club while she was waiting for me to join her, and one was even a national park, and they had knives, which to me is an invitation to have fun, but she was terrified. All of these places she avoids alone are issues that we decide together based upon security, and even the assumptions that our attendence can make. And now that I have a daughter in college, I've even been awakened by her call when a guy felt her up in a club, and she was afraid to leave because he threatened to be waiting.

I agree that most married women don't go to clubs just to attract men. I was very careful to make sure that I never asked her to avoid some activity that was not first an activity that she would not want me to participate in. She goes to Paris, Tokyo and Italy with the girlfriends, and regularly attends events across the country, but there are places that we both avoid due to our own experiences.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why? I go out on occasion with my friends and the sole purpose IS to dance with our group. I am NOT there to pick up guys and if one approaches me I politely tell them I'm married and that's it!
> Contrary to popular belief, the mere sight of a man doesn't make us shuck our underwear off, flush our wedding rings down the toilet and toss our dignity to the curb. Come on.
> Why is it that a guy goes out to a bar with his friends and it's "blowing off steam, hanging out with his friends, A-okay" but a woman who goes out dancing with her friends and it's "she's looking to cheat, hire a PI, don't trust her"?
> Ridiculous and infuriating.


Be as infuriated as you want. However, I'd like to point out that I did NOT link the GNO scenario with men drinking in a bar blowing off steam! You did.

Way different scenario, BTW.

The thing is, there is a type of person, man or woman, who does too toss away their dignity when they get a couple drinks under their belt and when they are in the company of strangers hitting on them.

Maybe you are not one of them--great!

However, there are enough of 'em out there that it is a rational and reasonable thought to worry about it. Especially when you have a cheating spouse who has escalated from GNO to "Eff him, I'll do what I want!"

It's disingenuous to be insulted that this scenario is a very real risk to marriages just because you personally have not done it.

It's not an indictment of all women for crissakes.

I seriously doubt the mere look from some guy will just wet the panties on the way off your bum in a bar.

The risk is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd Plus drinks and getting worn down, seduced. It can happen over the course of more than one evening.

I don't feel as though I need to point out the many scenarios that play out when someone puts themself in situations of temptation.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien, come on! This entire post is NOT about a guy fearing for his wife's safety, it is about the premise that married women who go out on occasion with their girlfriends are cheaters, to be followed, etc. 
If the OP had a wife who has a history of disloyalty, then I could understand his concern. That isn't the case here. He is projecting his own fears on to his wife and controlling her behavior. This is not good.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

michzz said:


> Be as infuriated as you want. However, I'd like to point out that I did NOT link the GNO scenario with men drinking in a bar blowing off steam! You did.
> 
> Way different scenario, BTW.
> 
> ...


I never suggested that you linked GNO with a man hanging out at a bar, I did that and we AREN'T talking about existing cheating spouses. We are talking about a woman who wants to go out and have fun with friends.
So women are so weak that a few drinks makes them worn down and prone to cheating with some guy but a man at a bar with a few drinks in him and a hot chick walks by isn't? Come on. 
The scenario is EXACTLY the same. The difference is a married woman going out with her friends is viewed as a s!ut and the married man is viewed as just hanging out. 
THAT is where my infuriating part came in.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I never suggested that you linked GNO with a man hanging out at a bar, I did that and we AREN'T talking about existing cheating spouses. We are talking about a woman who wants to go out and have fun with friends.
> So women are so weak that a few drinks makes them worn down and prone to cheating with some guy but a man at a bar with a few drinks in him and a hot chick walks by isn't? Come on.
> The scenario is EXACTLY the same. The difference is a married woman going out with her friends is viewed as a s!ut and the married man is viewed as just hanging out.
> THAT is where my infuriating part came in.


I don't view a married women in a bar as a sl*t. The context is going out dancing at a bar without her husband, when her husband has issues with that.

But if you want to link it to some guys in a bar shooting the breeze, the typical scenario they're is a sports bar watching baseball eating buffalo wings and drinking beer. Maybe playing pool.

There's no dancing. Hardly any interaction with women.

GNO? By definition they're primped up, perfumed, and accessible to being hit on dancing. Sooner or later, the right combination is going to be picked by a smooth operator FOR A SIGNIFICANT PERCENTAGE of these ladies.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> I'm gonna chime in again. ....
> 
> Be careful.
> 
> ...


I would let my wife go and be free before I would let her play and be married to me. My level of tolerance. To me it is allowing a wife to date. Not acceptable to me.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tg123456 said:


> Well we have talked about it for quite a bit and she told me she is not going to go to clubs or bars without me there. We decided that 7 years and 2 kids is not worth giving up for clubs and drinking.


All goodness with this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

typewittyusernamehere said:


> :iagree: All I am reading on this is a bunch of scorned men with these ridiculous scenarios of a "cheating wife". I like to go out with the girls, and go dancing. When I do go, I am never "scoping out the guys" or dancing with them, or anything. Girls night out is what it is, GIRLS night out. If men try to dance with me, it's a straight up, I'm all set, no small talk, nothing. I'm totally shaking my head at all these ridiculous responses on this. I agree with Therealbrighteyes, it's ridiculous and infuriating. Have some trust, and son't get so upset about something so minute....


My wife has never been interested in this type of GNO. I am in no way scorned. The problem is the meat markets. If you are ok with your husband going to strip clubs and getting lap dances then fine. Why go to places that are designed to hookup?

I see lap dances the equivalent of dancing with men.

My wife and I have a boundary of look but don't touch. It is not the only boundary. You seem to be within that. Notice I said my wife and I. We have equitable boundaries. No double standards. It is not always easy to define what is equal to what because men and women are different. If my wife wanted to do this I would be more concerend for her saftety than a matter of trusting her.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why? I go out on occasion with my friends and the sole purpose IS to dance with our group. I am NOT there to pick up guys and if one approaches me I politely tell them I'm married and that's it!
> Contrary to popular belief, the mere sight of a man doesn't make us shuck our underwear off, flush our wedding rings down the toilet and toss our dignity to the curb. Come on.
> Why is it that a guy goes out to a bar with his friends and it's "blowing off steam, hanging out with his friends, A-okay" but a woman who goes out dancing with her friends and it's "she's looking to cheat, hire a PI, don't trust her"?
> Ridiculous and infuriating.


Many wives think it is fine to go to continue to act single, go to meat markets and party with the boys. I hear you guys say you don;t do this. But many are.

That said if your husband is ok with what you doing this then great. Is he? I am assuming so. That said if he is not it is disrespectful behavior.

For the record, I do believe a woman drinking, flirting and dancing with men in these types of places against her SO objections is cheating. It is definitely dating which to me is cheating.

If an occasional GNO is more important that the husbands feeling then that is more than disrespectful.


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## tg123456 (Jun 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Halien, come on! This entire post is NOT about a guy fearing for his wife's safety, it is about the premise that married women who go out on occasion with their girlfriends are cheaters, to be followed, etc.
> If the OP had a wife who has a history of disloyalty, then I could understand his concern. That isn't the case here. He is projecting his own fears on to his wife and controlling her behavior. This is not good.


It has nothing to due with me trying to control her. It is about having respect for you spouse and not going to those places alone. The only time I go out is when Im with my wife. Im fine with a GNO im just not ok with her going to a club where there are single men looking to take advantage of her. If she wants to go to a club we can both go. After talking in length with her about the subeject we have come to and understanding about this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

michzz said:


> I don't view a married women in a bar as a sl*t. *The context is going out dancing at a bar without her husband, when her husband has issues with that.*
> 
> But if you want to link it to some guys in a bar shooting the breeze, the typical scenario they're is a sports bar watching baseball eating buffalo wings and drinking beer. Maybe playing pool.
> 
> ...


Yes. This is the context.

We have a trouble with Girls Night Out being playing with guys not my husband night out.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Halien, come on! This entire post is NOT about a guy fearing for his wife's safety, it is about the premise that married women who go out on occasion with their girlfriends are cheaters, to be followed, etc.
> If the OP had a wife who has a history of disloyalty, then I could understand his concern. That isn't the case here. He is projecting his own fears on to his wife and controlling her behavior. This is not good.


Men should not irrationally repress thier natural feelings. They are there for a reason.

You donlt wait for total fail before you are concerned.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I never suggested that you linked GNO with a man hanging out at a bar, I did that and we AREN'T talking about existing cheating spouses. We are talking about a woman who wants to go out and have fun with friends.
> So women are so weak that a few drinks makes them worn down and prone to cheating with some guy but a man at a bar with a few drinks in him and a hot chick walks by isn't? Come on.
> The scenario is EXACTLY the same. The difference is a married woman going out with her friends is viewed as a s!ut and the married man is viewed as just hanging out.
> THAT is where my infuriating part came in.


It is not EXACTLY the same. If a man wants to cheat he has to work at it. A woman is 100% able to have a weak moment and fail.

Ok so the guy cheated in his heart I guess. At these meat markets the guys are there with their game to bed any female they can. Why go there?

We get it. Even if you are dancing together you would not go there unless the guys were there. No?

When I go to a bar I could care less whether there is scenary or not. I would also never go to a club like we are talking about without my wife. Period. Why? It would be disrespectful to her. Not that I cannot be trusted.

I will give you great credit however for not defending the flirting, drinking and dancing with men.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> My wife has never been interested in this type of GNO. I am in no way scorned. The problem is the meat markets. If you are ok with your husband going to strip clubs and getting lap dances then fine. Why go to places that are designed to hookup?


Yes because women going out to dance with her friends vs. a man going to a strip club to see naked women and have them grind on their penis is the same thing. 

God, I married a damn gem. Just a freaking amazing human being who is so secure in our marriage and my love for him that when I go out (maybe twice a year) without him, he isn't biting his fingernails thinking I am having sex with some guy in a bathroom. Who cares what the "market" looks like. I married my husband because he is IT for me. We aren't all feeble minded morons who get the vapors and let men take advantage of us.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

michzz said:


> I don't view a married women in a bar as a sl*t. The context is going out dancing at a bar without her husband, when her husband has issues with that.
> 
> But if you want to link it to some guys in a bar shooting the breeze, the typical scenario they're is a sports bar watching baseball eating buffalo wings and drinking beer. Maybe playing pool.


Yeah, at Hooters or Tilted Kilt.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Yes because women going out to dance with her friends vs. a man going to a strip club to see naked women and have them grind on their penis is the same thing.
> 
> God, I married a damn gem. Just a freaking amazing human being who is so secure in our marriage and my love for him that when I go out (maybe twice a year) without him, he isn't biting his fingernails thinking I am having sex with some guy in a bathroom. Who cares what the "market" looks like. I married my husband because he is IT for me. We aren't all feeble minded morons who get the vapors and let men take advantage of us.


I think lap dances are equivalent to dancing meat markets where a guy is grinding their penis on the women. We are talking meat markets here. People grind and grope.

I see women going to meat markets who do not dance with men the same as a man going to a strip joint and not touching.

Women love attention as much as guys like to look.

A man loving his wife and looking after his relationship is not insecure. He just values his wife and is not ambivalent to this type of behavior.

Remember 32% to 50% of woman have cheated depending on the study. I think many women are seduced into this life style.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> It is not EXACTLY the same. If a man wants to cheat he has to work at it. A woman is 100% able to have a weak moment and fail.
> 
> Ok so the guy cheated in his heart I guess. At these meat markets the guys are there with their game to bed any female they can. Why go there?
> 
> ...


I don't go to a club because men are there! I go because the music is kickin' and I enjoy dancing. 
So you go to a bar because it is fun, yet a wife cannot go to a club because why? 
FWIW, I have invited my husband numerous times and he just hates to dance. He knows I love it and he knows it is fun for me. I wish we had a basement but in Houston, not a chance.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I don't go to a club because men are there! I go because the music is kickin' and I enjoy dancing.
> So you go to a bar because it is fun, yet a wife cannot go to a club because why?
> FWIW, I have invited my husband numerous times and he just hates to dance. He knows I love it and he knows it is fun for me. I wish we had a basement but in Houston, not a chance.


Heres the deal. Both my wife and I are gems. My wife does not go out clubbing. I don't go to strip joints. 

Bars and meat markets are not the same. Why do you keep trying to make them equivalent? Diversion?

A meat market is a place to hookup. Good for you that you go dancing woith the girls there.

You go girl!

Gotta go. Taling my wife out for some Mexican food. Texas rocks!!


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