# Wife moved out yesterday, just kids and I



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

My wife left yesterday to live with her cousin in Minnesotta while finding work. She left behind a 5 & 10 year old as well as a loving husband. I'd like to think I am loving. Anyways, I made it clear a long-distance relationship will not help repair our marriage.
And also expressed my concerns about our kids "losing" their mother.She told my 10 yr old daughter that she is finding work up there and then will have everyone come up to live with her. I'm sure I'm probably not included. She may be serious and if so, there's no way in hell it's happening. It wouldn't surprise me it's BS because one of the stressors I feel she's running away from is raising our kids.
She's admitted she is being selfish for trying to find happiness in another place (she stayed there for the summer and her reason was to work on herself. She returned and had already had her mind made up that she would be moving back. She lasted with us for 3 weeks until she left. She sounded excited last night when she called that she made it there from Texas in one trip (adderall). Some people on these message boards thinks she may have rushed up there to have another affair. It's possible, but part of me just doesn't care anymore. My love for her is no longer what it used to be. I feel she's running away from issues/problems at home she does not want to face. 
She was caught cheating last October. She continued the affair off and on until it died in May 2011. During this time I received advice from her father and counselor that was well-intended to save the marriage, but I feel now was enabling all to hell. I was like a doormat. She blamed me for many things and was suddenly annoyed by me. She just fit a lot of the classic post-affair behavior.
She has had a history of depression and is currently taking meds. Regardless of all this, I am seriously considering filing for divorce. I guess I just wanted to vent and wonder if I'm doing the right thing (the doubts are trying to creep in). I guess I'm just scared is all. If you want to see the details over the last few weeks just see this link please. Thanks for listening.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/30470-question-about-wife-leaving-find-work.html


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I think you should file for divorce before she establishes legal residency out-of-state.

But dont file too early or it will be hard to support abandonment grounds. 

And dont delay filing too long or some precedent will have been set.

After you file, you dont have to serve her right away -- ask your lawyer about this.


Have you move to separate yourself away from any joint bank accounts or credit cards or other financial liabilities?


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

My wife opened her own savings account where her dad is going to support her. My only support is keeping her on my insurance until she gets a job. Then she's off. 
And this Thursday is when I'll talk to a lawyer. I don't want to rush nor wait too long.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Sigh. Wife sends in a chat question to me today asking "How was my weekend?". Then she had a question about her health insurance. I added her to my insurance because she has no job. Once she finds a job, bye-bye insurance..assuming it doesn't take too long. Anyways, she's being friendly and all, but I just don't care. I quickly said I had to go back to work and bye. 
Anyways, I have researched the cost of a lawyer and I crapped my pants. However, I believe my wife will be willing to sit down and we can divorce "fairly" with no contest. I did come across these websites (below) that allow you to file online with online help to help you through the process ($249) plus filing fee. It's like a DIY with legal advice thrown in. It seems legit with being on shows like Good Morning America, etc. Let me know what yawls opinion of this route is. Thanks everyone.
Texas Divorce Forms Library | Texas Divorce Guide
Divorce Online Is Fast And Easy | CompleteCase.com
P.S. And does anyone know if she would be partially responsible for student loans I racked up in year 9 & 10 of our marriage? She was cheating during my last semester of graduate work. Go figure.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

If you can agree without a lawyer then do so...the alternative is very expensive. I have read your other thread and think your wife has some depression or mental issues. I'm not judging her in the least but not many women would leave behind their children to start a new life. The DIY divorces are completely legal and the only other cost is the court filing fees. Hopefully it won't come to that.


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

What are your plans for your kids? 

Your wife may want to have them move in with her. And then.. .how are you going to see them?

Your wife left, you stayed behind with your kids. Be a dad for them. The longer she stays away and the longer they stay with you, the better a case you have for keeping them with you.

Don't let them go "visit" their mom. She will keep them there, and keep them away from you. 

The moment your wife wants your kids to move... file divorce, even if you go pro se. And file to keep the house, and to keep the kids in your house.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Houstondad, whether or not you divorce is up to you to decide. In reading your posts, it seems you are in denial, which you characterize as being emotionally numb and bought out of the relationship. Meanwhile, your wife has cheated on you, not really owned up to it, and is now moving far away from you, leaving her children behind, while you fret about her texting you and wondering if she really wants to be married to you.

Once again, what you decide to do is up to you.

HOWEVER.

If you decide to pursue a divorce, for the sake of your mental health and, more importantly, for the sake of raising your children in a stable environment, then trying to save money by getting a DIY divorce is a staggeringly bad corner to cut.

A good lawyer can costs several thousand dollars. YOU WILL PAY SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR IN CHILD SUPPORT if you lose or surrender custody of your children. Which will make it even harder for you to go see them in Minnesota, if your wife gets custody of them.

Are you doing the right thing? You're not doing anything except dithering. IF (I stress if, because it is YOUR choice what to do) you decide to begin divorce proceedings, go find you a good lawyer. In the mean time, IF you choose that route, I suggest that you save all your texts from your wife, and try to communicate as much by email, so that you have written copy of everything, for purposes of establishing that she abandoned her children and is an unfit mother.

Regardless, search this site until you find the 180 list, and start doing as many of those behaviors as you can, for yourself.


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