# I think my wife is cheating...



## sixgunslinger (Nov 11, 2012)

I will start this with a little background on my wife and I. We are married a bit over three years now and have been together for almost 7 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old son and a daughter due in March. I love my wife and son but unfortunately I don't get to spend as much time with them as I would like to. I work a schedule in which I work during the day, at night, and overnight each week and then I try to pick up some overtime when I can. I guess it was about April of this year when I started to get suspicious. My wife used to call me when I was at work at night and talk about her day and ask about mine. Those calls stopped and turned into an occasional text message asking "how's ur day?". To get any info about what she had done was lime pillling teeth. So in April our son walks up to me with my sites phone and asks to play a game. When I opened the phone, there is no password needed, I saw it was already open to a text. The text was from a guy that my wife has known for nearly her whole adult life. It didn't bother me that she was texting him.as I thought they were friends. The message said "show me ur tits" and that was a bit concerning. More concerning however was my wires response of you will have to come over if u want to see them. She went on to say that not only could he see them if he came over bit he would get a "full body massage, wink wink". That was the end of that conversation and I didn't confront her about it. A few days later I decide to snoop in her phone when she was not around. I check text messages and the thread I just discussed was deleted but there was a new conversation between her and this other guy. It starts with her asking if he got the pic she went the other day. His response was just a smiley face. So I check the pictures on her phone and what do I find? A topless photo of her. Now mind you, I have made this request of my wife and been turned down and even called a pig for thinking about it. When we have sex, which is not often, she doesn't even allow mentoring take.her shirt off. But I digress. So now I am really starting to worry. I didn't know how to confront her about it so I just told her I was looking at pics and was curious why that one was there.. she told me she meant to send it to me one night when I was working but must have forgotten. I never brought up the text messages. So as time went by I kept snooping here and there and nothing much came off it. Except she invited him over anytime I worked at night. She has never mentioned any of these invites to me. So about a month ago I.am snooping and find a message from her to him saying how she.missed him last night and had even put her tongue ring in for him. Again I start to cringe thinking Bout this. Again I do nothing. Again this thread gets erased. Then a day or so later there is text messages about how she fan be mad if he has a gf since she is married. The final thing, so far, is she tells me this morning that his girlfried contacted her about the two of them. I don't know for sure but I think she was probing to see if I knew anything or had doubts. I don't know what to do though. I love my son and she is pregnant again. I am afraid that if I confront her I will be blamed and get no cconfession anyway. If I do get her to admit something I know I will never trust her again and our marriage will be done. I don't want to lose my son but at the same time I don't want him to lose his mother. I really don't know what to do. I no some will say what I have is plenty of proof of an affair and others will disagree. I don't have the time or funds to put in a camera or hire a PI. I also now can't get to her phone for more than a few moments, she brings it everywhere with her. Someone please help, I can't take the stress of not knowing but also am afraid to know the truth since I know if I am right my marriage is over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's more than a little concerning that the text said "Show me your tits".

Stop this nonsense now. She's at LEAST in an EA, if not physical already.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Use the edit function and insert whitespace and pagebreaks and Ill check back later to try and help you


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## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

The game is up and she is now going underground with her affairs. You need to go and get substantial proof via a PI, or get a inexpensive hidden camera for your house. Set it to turn on nights you think she may have him over. The small cameras can record 8 hours before the battery dies. You can pick them up online for under 100$ Then you have the proof you need to have full custody of the children. Otherwise you are just going to be left with a bag of clothes, child support payments, and weekend visits. I feel bad for you man but get the proof.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

RaisedGarden said:


> The game is up and she is now going underground with her affairs. You need to go and get substantial proof via a PI, or get a inexpensive hidden camera for your house. Set it to turn on nights you think she may have him over. The small cameras can record 8 hours before the battery dies. You can pick them up online for under 100$ Then you have the proof you need to have full custody of the children. Otherwise you are just going to be left with a bag of clothes, child support payments, and weekend visits. I feel bad for you man but get the proof.


I would also DNA the kids you wonder just how long this has been going on especially the new born.


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## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

You "think" your wife is cheating?

Good God, man. It's slapping you right in the face. There's a fox in your henhouse.

I'd make sure that little filly in her belly is yours also.


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## giashasa2012 (Aug 16, 2012)

I don't think you need more proof. Only if you are in a fault state try to gather evidence.
Serve her divorce papers ( even if you don't want to divorce) . And start the 180 to detach.(Don't tell her anything until she has the papers in her hand)
And see how it plays out.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

I'm so very sorry but she is cheating, physically, emotionally. In everyway.
Show me your tits and she is putting in her tonunge ring........


Confront, telling her your filing for divorce tomorrow morning, when she does admit
insist on no contact with other man(s)

Pull 180 

And have new baby DNA done, sorry and WAKE UP
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sixgunslinger (Nov 11, 2012)

RaisedGarden said:


> The game is up and she is now going underground with her affairs. You need to go and get substantial proof via a PI, or get a inexpensive hidden camera for your house. Set it to turn on nights you think she may have him over. The small cameras can record 8 hours before the battery dies. You can pick them up online for under 100$ Then you have the proof you need to have full custody of the children. Otherwise you are just going to be left with a bag of clothes, child support payments, and weekend visits. I feel bad for you man but get the proof.


I know I don't want to be a weekend only dad. Funny thing too is she tells me today the guys girlfriend thinks something is going on between them. She then tells me when he comes over that he only arTs for about an hour and usuallyeaves as soon as my son goes to bed so she can relax. Funny thing is the other day she rexted him and told him to come by around 830 when my son goes to bed around 8 every night. The lies are killing me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> I know I don't want to be a weekend only dad. Funny thing too is she tells me today the guys girlfriend thinks something is going on between them. She then tells me when he comes over that he only arTs for about an hour and usuallyeaves as soon as my son goes to bed so she can relax. Funny thing is the other day she rexted him and told him to come by around 830 when my son goes to bed around 8 every night. The lies are killing me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look pardner, he's depositing his seed into your pregnant wife, (his child) and you are worried about being a weekend dad???

FFS man, pull yer britches up and and get to packing her things.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> I know I don't want to be a weekend only dad. Funny thing too is she tells me today the guys girlfriend thinks something is going on between them. She then tells me when he comes over that he only arTs for about an hour and usuallyeaves as soon as my son goes to bed so she can relax. Funny thing is the other day she rexted him and told him to come by around 830 when my son goes to bed around 8 every night. The lies are killing me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you will get 50/50 custody more than likely.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Just go see an attorney monday and know your options don't tell her. Separate finances open an acct. in your name only. Set vars in the house and in her car. Good luck


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell her you and everyone else knows whats going on. Tell her to move her **** out of your bedroom. Call his girlfriend and tell her what you know, she will tell you much more.

DO NOT LET THESE TWO WALK ALL OVER YOU


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Go see an attorney and try to get 50/50 custody, get STD tests and Lear the baby didn't catch anything. Insist on paternity testing. Get yourself into counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Go see an attorney and try to get 50/50 custody, get STD tests and Lear the baby didn't catch anything. Insist on paternity testing. Get yourself into counseling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


expose to friends and family especially his gf do it tonight!


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Walk away from this family,stop paying all the bills,just walk away.Take all the money from the bank, look for another job and stay out of sight for two to three weeks. I know that you are afraid. I know that you do not want the world that you built to come crashing down, it would be too easy just to go along...BUT....You would be a coward, and your wife would know that you were a coward, and the POS would know you were a coward. Trust me, YOU DO NOT want to go thru life knowing that you had a chance to do the right thing and you did not because of FEAR! I was there, I know, I loved her too much and I did the wrong thing.
You are going to put you first! Go to the internet and look up divorce laws in you state, print up divorce papers and after three weeks of no contact, call you wife,set up a meeting and tell her its time to divorce. Good luck and be STRONG! Keep us updated on whats going on.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

Your wife is having an affair I would talk to a lawyer and get all my ducks in a row before I dropped the bomb on her. You might want to hide some spare cash also.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

This is harsh but pregnancy may not be yours. A child born into the marriage by your wife due to adultery is still considered yours legally. You need to be prepared for this eventuality. If you dont, you could be stuck raising another man's child for 18 to 22 years. That would suck big time.

She's dued in March. See a lawyer now. File for divorce. After the baby is born, do a paternity test. Or, you could have an in-vitro paternity test done now (but it will be more expensive).

You can always change your mind about the divorce later after the baby is born.

Also in the meantime, cancel all joint bank accounts, credit cards, loans/debts, etc. Update your beneficiary for your life insurance, pension, etc.

Take a protective position now. You're in too new of a marriage for your wife to be scr3wing another man. And when she has a young toddler and pregnant. Something is seriously not right here.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> I no some will say what I have is plenty of proof of an affair and *others will disa*gree. _Posted via Mobile Device_


No one is going to disagree. She is having an affair - 100% guaranteed.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Why don't you talk to the guy's gf and find out what she knows. She may have proof of what everyone on this board knows is happening.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> I know I don't want to be a weekend only dad. Funny thing too is she tells me today the guys girlfriend thinks something is going on between them. She then tells me when he comes over that he only arTs for about an hour and usuallyeaves as soon as my son goes to bed so she can relax. Funny thing is the other day she rexted him and told him to come by around 830 when my son goes to bed around 8 every night. The lies are killing me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you want to end the affair? Are you afraid that if you confront your wife she will leave you for the other man? If you had the choice of staying in a relationship where your wife has sex with another man every night while you're at work or ending that relationship, which would you choose, knowing that if you stayed in it you could see your son every day and if you ended it you might only see him half the time? Also, adding in the fact that your wife might leave you anyway, even if you ignore her affair? What would you choose?


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## sixgunslinger (Nov 11, 2012)

But should I confront her about what I know or hold out and see if I get additional proof?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

YupItsMe said:


> Use the edit function and insert whitespace and pagebreaks and Ill check back later to try and help you


He posted it from his phone, so that's probably not as easy as might be.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> But should I confront her about what I know or hold out and see if I get additional proof?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk to oms gf first and exchange information the nail the ww.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to consider a few things. STD tests also, this pains me, but is your son your son?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

sixgunslinger said:


> But should I confront her about what I know or hold out and see if I get additional proof?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can plant some spy cameras around the house so you can video them having sex. But that will only confirm what you already know but are afraid to admit.

Sorry to say that there is a considerable chance that the soon to be baby does not belong to you. I would DNA test the son also since this seems to have been going on for some time now.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

talk to his gf...she will have proof

You can recover texts from iphone. get it when she is asleep

Find your balls. Why are you so scared?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> But should I confront her about what I know or hold out and see if I get additional proof?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not just yet. Ideally when you confront her you want to do your best in finding evidence of the affair otherwise everything you haven't found will be deleted and you'll never get the full truth. The not knowing will haunt you whether you chose to divorce her or give her another chance.

If I may suggest you can buy a Voice Activated Recorder from Walmart or best buy for around $30 or so. Place one in your bedroom and living room, next time you work overnight. This will record any conversation or action's(if you know what I mean). Usually a day or so of these recordings will get you everything you need to confront your wife.


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## FryFish (Sep 18, 2012)

Wow... why is there any question here at all... She has probably been ***cing other guys since long before you were married... Your son MIGHT be yours... the unborn almost certainly isnt yours.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

FryFish said:


> Wow... why is there any question here at all... She has probably been ***cing other guys since long before you were married... Your son MIGHT be yours... the unborn almost certainly isnt yours.


DNA tests are not expensive plus do it for some peace of mind.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tom67 said:


> DNA tests are not expensive plus do it for some peace of mind.


And they are a great way of showing, very graphically, how much you cannot trust your WW.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

You know your wife is texting and sending naked pics to this man. You know man visits your house when you are at work. You even know your wife wears her tongue ring to give him oral sex. And now you know the OM GF aware because your wife is paranoid that the GF has contacted you. 
What is the final piece of evidence you need to believe something is going on, because you already rugsweeped the obvious red flags????
And when you finally believe she is cheating on you are you trying to stay with her or divorce her?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She is cheating, and cheating big time. Please listen to all the above posters advice !


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Expose the affair to OM's wife or gf.

Expose your wife to her parents, siblings. Your parents and your family.

She is - very likely - having a long drawn physical affair with this OM.

I am sorry you stopped with only snooping her text messages.

You should have recorded her conversations, and collected further irrefutable evidences.

Life with a wife like that is not worth living.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sounds to me like it might be easy to catch him over at your house on a var.

However they might be laying low at the mount because the OM gf is suspicious.

I would find the OM gf and tell her what you've read, and find out what she knows.

I would most most definitely have the new baby DNA tested because it very likely is not yours.

Sorry, but its the truth. He's getting more sex sessions then you are, so odds are simply that its his kid.


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## sixgunslinger (Nov 11, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Sounds to me like it might be easy to catch him over at your house on a var.
> 
> However they might be laying low at the mount because the OM gf is suspicious.
> 
> ...


Well as many have said and I can't disagree, when the new baby is born a paternity test will be necessary. As far as approaching or contacting his girlfriend...any ideas on how to go about that? I do not know her at all, never met her, hell I have only met him once. When I do contact her I have no clue if she will go running to him and let him know, which in turn will let my wife know, all before I am ready to confront her. 
And before all the comments about needing to confront her immediately start, please give me a break. I am sure some of you have been in this position yourselves at some point. My whole life has been turned upside down right now. I need to do what I need to do but I also have to do what is best for our son. And as far as my son goes I know he is mine, the suspicious behaviors did not start until well after he was born and plus he is like my twin. 
Finally I would like to thank those of you who have offered your sincere, helpful advise. And to those questioning where my balls are and asking why I am afraid, you have been no help to me at all.


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## PanchoVilla (Jun 2, 2012)

He is in the denial phase.. poor guy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

1. do you want to confront?
2. She is definitely cheating, so, what will be your plan once confronting if you intend to do so? Will you leave or try to Reconcile...if indeed she wants to. What will you do with R if the baby is not yours? 
3. If you wish to confront, how much evidence do you require?
4. If you require more, then snoop and gather. Take photos of her texts, VAR the bedroom and sitting room, spyware on the phone if you can get to it (careful with the settings so you don't make it obvious...it will drain the battery and data usage if not set correctly), take a day off work even, time it for when the texts have arranged a meet up and catch them...or get someone else to catch them. It will be mentally destroying to see her screwing another even though you know it is going on. 

I don't think it will take long to catch her.

And pay no mind to people telling you to grow a pair. It may be true (sorry) but it is not a helpful to say it in that way. But you do need to in order to deal with this correctly, in order to deal correctly also with the aftermath which is VERY VERY important that you do in order to ensure this does get sorted and not drag it out to an eternity and damaging you hugely in the process. 

In order to deal with the catching and aftermath make sure you post here for advice on all of it. I think you need to due to not seeing things clearly (as we all are in our own situations) and you WILL get spot on advice with what to do.

Good luck!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Just give yourself a day or two with the VAR. by telling the gf you risk her confronting theOM immaturely and ruining your chances of finding out what really is happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> I know I don't want to be a weekend only dad. Funny thing too is she tells me today the guys girlfriend thinks something is going on between them. She then tells me when he comes over that he only arTs for about an hour and usuallyeaves as soon as my son goes to bed so she can relax. Funny thing is the other day she rexted him and told him to come by around 830 when my son goes to bed around 8 every night. The lies are killing me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dont know how you can sit on that? I really dont! How do you go to work knowing some other man is creeping in your house after seeing some of the things on her phone you have? Why is it even ok for a man to be in your house when you're not there anyway, unless its a brother or dad?!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I think he might be from doccool because no one can really be such a doormat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

tom67 said:


> I think he might be from doccool because no one can really be such a doormat.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ive been a doormat myself, the nice fancy kind that say "welcome" on them BUT when I find something there is no way Im able to sit on it. I usually go off in minutes!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Agreed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

PanchoVilla said:


> He is in the denial phase.. poor guy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yea, he is making day into night by closing his eyes but how long can he remain with closed eye? One day he will have to open his eyes by then he will be giving OMs child the child support.

Lucky OM, he is getting BJs with a tongue ring and plenty of free sex and a Cuckold husband to up bring his child.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Her is some advice from a guy that made all the wrong choices when it came to confronting my wife

1. Get everything off of her phone, copies to yourself
2. Either go to see the OM's GF or email, facebook her. Does not matter if she goes to her bf or not. You are about to blow the doors off.
3. You tell your parents and her parents about the A as well as all your friends
4 If your wife is remoreseful and you want to R. tell her to get an STD test right now and you tell her about the DNA test. Also a no contact letter from her right now to to that POS.

Do not be a nice guy be tough. No hitting no screaming no throwing things but do not rush to her arms and tell her it is going to be OK. She has to prove to you that she is going to fix it. 

As far as your boy is concerned get him out to a Grandparents house or a babysitter before you confront. He does not need to be there for this.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Please I'm sorry assume the worst and go from there.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Please STOP letting your wife take advantage of you. 

You have enough proof. 

Sit her down and tell her you have the seen the photo, you have seen the texts and coupled with him coming over you know without a doubt that are sleeping together. 

You have everything you need to blow this out of the water. Please do it before she f"cks with your head anymore. Do you really want to walk into your house and sleep in your bed one more night knowing what they are doing in it??????

Be strong and confront...NOW!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

sixgunslinger said:


> *Well as many have said and I can't disagree, when the new baby is born a paternity test will be necessary.* As far as approaching or contacting his girlfriend...any ideas on how to go about that? I do not know her at all, never met her, hell I have only met him once. When I do contact her I have no clue if she will go running to him and let him know, which in turn will let my wife know, all before I am ready to confront her.
> And before all the comments about needing to confront her immediately start, please give me a break. I am sure some of you have been in this position yourselves at some point. My whole life has been turned upside down right now. I need to do what I need to do but I also have to do what is best for our son. And as far as my son goes I know he is mine, the suspicious behaviors did not start until well after he was born and plus he is like my twin.
> Finally I would like to thank those of you who have offered your sincere, helpful advise. And to those questioning where my balls are and asking why I am afraid, you have been no help to me at all.



The newly born will be a product of your marriage and becomes your legal responsibility, even if the DNA proves otherwise.

I strongly urge you to seek legal advice on this immediately and, if you need to, take a defensive position. The consult now is a small price to pay to avoid a lifetime of regret.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

sixgunslinger said:


> I know I don't want to be a weekend only dad.


By your own admission, because you work a lot of shifts and OT, you're already almost a weekend Dad.

This could work to your advantage. Monitor her texts and next time you think they are getting together, leave work and swing by the house (or tell her you're working when you have the night off) and catch them in the act (as if you don't already have enough proof).


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

sixgunslinger said:


> But should I confront her about what I know or hold out and see if I get additional proof?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You do not need any more proof. She should not have another man over the house when you are not there anyway. She is sexting with him now and is sending him topless photos at the least. She is telling him to come over to see her t!ts and that there will be a full body masage. This is plenty. Iam amazed though that you did not intervene when you saw the vewry first text. I am also amazed you are ok with her having a boy friend over your house when you are gone.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

And just so you know, your W casually mentioning that OM's girlfriend "thinks something is going on" is preemptive damage control in case gf contacts you. Your W and her OM are scared. They want you to think gf is paranoid, crazy, etc, so you'll discount what she has to say. They also were fishing to see if they had to worry about you knowing something too.

Clearly you have evidence to share, gather whatever proof you have (photos of texts, phone records, VAR proof if you can get it) and talk with the gf. Between the two of you there should be plenty to hang them with.

Be prepared to expose to family and close friends immediately after talking with the gf, as word will spread fast to your W and she'll go into damage control mode with all of them, lying about you being "crazy", "controlling" and whatever else she can come up with to justify her actions. Proof knocks these arguments right out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Do you really need a smoking gun?

What about providing an oportunity for them after putting in place the snooping tools (nanycam at bedroom, VARs, keylogger, spyware in the phone...)?

Hey, maybe if you contact GF and exchange evidence/red flags you will face two possibilities:

a) GF become an ally in catching them. Go along with your plan of providing the right oportunity to WW-OM meeting while you both watch the show and catch them red handed.

b) GF goes nuts and confront OM imediatelly. It still means they have to contact in order to minimize the damage, go underground, etc. You can catch her still with the snooping.

Sorry man, it's obvious.

ETA
You need to talk to a lawyer anyway to find out your rights, the potential scenaries, specially given the suspicious timing of the pregnancy.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I think OP is 90% sure his wife is having a PA with OM.

His actions now should be governed by what he wants to do about it.

If he wants to save the marriage, then he needs definite proof and then go nuclear with exposure to all. Give her the "him or me" ultimatum and stick to it.

If her PA is the ultimate deal breaker and he is done with her when it is confirmed, then he still needs undeniable proof (for his own satisfaction). 

Either way he should prepare for divorce. Get finances in order. Talk to a lawyer. Make his exit plan. Then have her served when sufficient evidence is obtained.

OP, you seem to be hesitant about exposure or confrontation without concrete proof. I understand this, and I don't think you will have to wait much longer to get it if you have a good plan in place. For me, a wife sending nude pictures and inviting OM over to the house for a "full body massage" when you are not there would be plenty of proof. But you should do what you feel you need to do to get the proof that you need to move forward. 

But what will you do when you get the proof you need? Have you decided if you want to stop the affair and try to save the marriage or are you prepared to end the marriage if she is having a PA? 

A good plan to protect you and your son has to include all scenarios and possibilities.

Good luck.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> Well as many have said and I can't disagree, when the new baby is born a paternity test will be necessary. As far as approaching or contacting his girlfriend...any ideas on how to go about that? I do not know her at all, never met her, hell I have only met him once. When I do contact her I have no clue if she will go running to him and let him know, which in turn will let my wife know, all before I am ready to confront her.
> And before all the comments about needing to confront her immediately start, please give me a break. I am sure some of you have been in this position yourselves at some point. My whole life has been turned upside down right now. I need to do what I need to do but I also have to do what is best for our son. And as far as my son goes I know he is mine, the suspicious behaviors did not start until well after he was born and plus he is like my twin.
> Finally I would like to thank those of you who have offered your sincere, helpful advise. And to those questioning where my balls are and asking why I am afraid, you have been no help to me at all.


Six, obviously, when and how you confront will be your decisions. I think we can all understand the need for inertia when it comes to initiating the complete and total disruption of your marriage. It's human nature to cling to the familiar, even when the familiar is painful. I didn't confront initially. In fact, I waited almost 2 yrs. I had my reasons at the time, as I'm sure that you do. But the betrayal ate at me during that whole time, and very nearly destroyed me. Believe me, friend, that is not a good road to travel.


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## sixgunslinger (Nov 11, 2012)

Well after reading all the comments on here, most good advice some just pointless nonsense name calling. I have decided to move forward. It is gonna take a bit of snooping to find out the OMs girlfriends name and a way to contact her but that is first on my list. I have a college buddy who is a divorce attorney and will be contacting him as well. After hearing from the girlfriend I plan to confront my wife. I am hoping that I will keep my cool and not just start screaming because she will just stop listening then and I will not get what I want accomplished. Now hopefully I don't have to wait too long to find the info on the girlfriend because everyday that passes I get more stressed about this and feel the need to just sit her down and tell her, this isw what I have seen and this is what I believe, admit the truth and perhaps we cam work thru it but continue lying and we will most certainly be divorced. Again thanks for the input and I will update as things progress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks for the update and believe me you are doing he right thing in contacting her good luck.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

If your intention is to divorce her anyway then ther'es no need to confront, have her blinsided with the papers.

If not, put in place some snooping tools before confrontation. Monitor the aftermath.
She's pregnant, she will deny, deny, deny, then will admit a very whitewashed version, she will erase possible evidence, will deflect, shift blame, will divert attention, will counterattack, will minimize the damage. Even just to have all options opened, to don't give up the false sense of control. It's possibly OM is not the catch, capable of supporting her and the child. The urge to make damage control is very hight. It happens with all waywards but the pregnancy make this urge particulary strong.

Monitor the aftermath. Avoid all you can the gaslighting it's coming into you. Prevent this with snooping tools (VARs, GPS, keylogger, whatever).


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

sixgunslinger said:


> Well after reading all the comments on here, most good advice some just pointless nonsense name calling. I have decided to move forward. It is gonna take a bit of snooping to find out the OMs girlfriends name and a way to contact her but that is first on my list. I have a college buddy who is a divorce attorney and will be contacting him as well. After hearing from the girlfriend I plan to confront my wife. I am hoping that I will keep my cool and not just start screaming because she will just stop listening then and I will not get what I want accomplished. Now hopefully I don't have to wait too long to find the info on the girlfriend because everyday that passes I get more stressed about this and feel the need to just sit her down and tell her, this isw what I have seen and this is what I believe, admit the truth and perhaps we cam work thru it but continue lying and we will most certainly be divorced. Again thanks for the input and I will update as things progress.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First, I'm sorry you're here and definitely going through a lot of pain.

Second, to be transparent, I am a former cheater so my advice is coming from the knowledge of how someone behaves when this is all exposed.

Soo... she is likely to fluctuate between angry and hostile to sorry and emotional. Couple that with being pregnant and it's likely to be even worse. 

I really recommend documenting EVERYTHING someplace secure. Take pictures/save files/etc. She's also going to paint a nasty picture of you as the bad guy who's turning on her while she's pregnant. 

The DNA testing recommendations are for your protection and knowledge. You may choose to support and raise them anyhow but you should know the truth (and so should they someday). 

Keyloggers should be installed on every computer in the house and same for phones (check out the 'gathering evidence' thread). 

Expect that she will come up with a 'reason' for as much of this behavior as possible and will defend it. Then, you will get small bits of additional information in her efforts to 'shut you up'. 

Additionally, she'll start blaming you for why she was so miserable and that what other option did she have? Don't buy in to this and don't entertain it. There is always a choice when it comes to an affair. 

If you find the conversation becoming heated or all the blame being shifted to you - walk away and shut the conversation down. Do not allow that to continue. Leave the house for an hour or so if needed. 

Lastly, I recommend wearing a VAR when you have conversations with her for your protection and to keep her honest. It's hard to argue when presented with your own words later.


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