# Wife won't talk about her problem



## cmwl (Oct 31, 2009)

We've been together for 10 years, married for 4. Everything up til now has been great, but the past 4 months have been very difficult. I've noticed she's slowly withdrawing from me. I've confronted her multiple times about her behavior. Her answer has been that there is something that she has to work through. She won't say what her issue is and there is nothing that I can do to help. We've been talking about day to day issues, but that is starting to reduce.

She's been sleeping downstairs for the past month. Now I'm starting to withdraw as well. I've been confining myself upstairs, just to come down for something to drink.

I'm looking for some advice from someone that might have been through a similar situation. Thanks.


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## WindChat (Oct 31, 2009)

You can see my entry from earlier today. My wife has finally gone into counceling but she has alot of anger as do I. I don't show it to her. I would try to get her to see someone. Tell her it might be hormonal or any number of things. It's tough when they shut down.....good luck


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## cmwl (Oct 31, 2009)

Thanks for the reply.
She finally texted one of the reasons why she was so upset. I haven't heard anything form her so long, i was a bit short. She told me that she's feeling like a maid, doing nothing but cooking and cleaning.
I went on to say that this was the first weekend she's cleaned and that I've cooked and cleaned for the past 2 weeks.

I wish we were talking, I'd rephrase what I said...


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## letitgo (Nov 3, 2009)

Ive been dealing with depression for awhile now and really I open up more to my DH in text msg's than talking face to face. Not sure if its cause I dont have to see his reaction to what I say or the fact that I can take more time to reply and gather my thoughts since those seem to be frozen and locked in my brain. Maybe a few more texting convo's might get her to give you a little more insight as to what shes feeling-just a thought but its worth a try


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## cmwl (Oct 31, 2009)

Thanks for the suggestion. She finally wrote me a letter letting me know how she felt. Instead of verbally discussing my feelings, I asked if it was ok for me to write her a response. At this point, I welcome any type of conversation.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

before I started to read about why she was withdrawing I was about to suggest that maybe its something that is bothering her that she doesnt think you will change, therefore to spare the argument, she resents you and doesnt tell you whats wrong.
I do this with my husband, he HATES it, its better to let the other person know what is wrong than to hide it, it only buids up anger in the end. 
I am glad she came out and told u it was about her feeling like she was a maid, this is definitley something that can make a woman feel used and upset. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and laundry and my husband only does a few things which can definitley lead to resentment. That is great that you both wrote to each other, writting can be a great way to express emotions and get your point across knowing that there will not be "verbal jousting" I wish u all of the best cmwl
You should both write to each other more often, sometimes writting is better for couples that tend to argue often and the argument tends to heat up etc.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It has taken her some time to open up so I would tread carefully now...the last thing she probably wants to hear is you defending your position....how much cleaning you've done, etc. She feels unappreciated and needs you to acknowledge her feelings.


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## cmwl (Oct 31, 2009)

Thanks Millania007. The jousting has definitely caused some heated arguments which lead nowhere. I like writing, but I don't like to wait for the response.

Thanks swedish. I made that very mistake after she admitted she felt like a maid. It was a knee jerk reaction, but I knew it was wrong as soon as I said it.

I've asked if she wanted to see a psychologist with me, but she says she needs to work on this by herself. At this point, I'm thinking about seeing one myself, I know it couldn't hurt.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Sure sounds like she has met someone else. This is exactly what happens when women fall for another man.


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